Give a million dollars to each of the cardinals and hire someone to kill the pope. Pay off his security if you need to. After enough bribery, only the REALLY devout christians won't want to vote you in as Pope for Life. And then the holy see is yours. *Or you're the holy see's, depending on how you look at it).
[deleted] ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 20:00:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A couple of months ago, Polish minister of foreign affairs told the media of the good relations Poland has with a bunch of countries, including San Escobar, a country that does not exist. By mistake, he made up a whole country, which since then became a huge meme in Poland.
With $1 trillion you could establish San Escobar and become El Presidente.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:47:39 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was he going for San Salvador or something? Wait is that country's name El Salvador? Eh fuck it, I'm too tired for this
Still how do you launder a trillion dollars? That's some evil wish granting. Here's a trillion dollars, it's all undocumented so good luck not coming off as a thief.
Hell, just pay a million people to kick up an internet shitstorm over "The Trillionaire" having his money confiscated by the government. Get everyone in the world talking about you and the IRS can't just slink off with it, can they?
It's an interesting question ... according to OP, you just have it. Doesn't specify that you got it illegally, so why would you need to launder it?
Of course, if it simply appeared in your bank account overnight, then you're down a rabbit hole similar to what Scott Adams set up in Off To Be the Wizard. Could be very tricky indeed. You're going to need to start buying heavy-duty, Treasury-Agent-deterring-level private security immediately.
Just a quick ad on Craigslist should take care of you: Help Wanted - Need to hire current and former Delta Force, Seal Team 6, and SAD/SOG operators. All of them.
Maybe just donate it all to charities really fast before they correct the mistake. Then when they come after me for the money declare bankruptcy. They can't really go after the charitiea
Yeah, I got it to the same amount. Hyperinflation is over a long time ago. I would retire if I got 1 trillion ZWD.
Edit: As my parent comment also mentioned - Yes, they got a new currency, and yes, I did also google it to 2.7 billion USD. Don't trust Google with your life kids.
scoops22 ยท 1467 points ยท Posted at 18:22:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Because depending on volume the ZWD/USD exchange market won't be able to support your sudden exchange of currency and you will get much much less than you expected
How about I split my portion back with you then? I might need some help to access the money, so if you can send me 50,000,000$ that should cover my attorney fees and such and we'll then split the 499/500 remaining!
tbh I have no clue what the volume of the forex market is for ZWD/USD. I mean for something like USD/CAD you could probably exchange a few billion a day without so much as a blip. All depends on volume. For reference the volume of the forex market globally is in excess of $5 Trillion USD per day
I have a few trillion Zimbabwe dollars, but its worthless now. The bank has closed and it is passed the reimbursement date. They make a pretty addition to my coin and banknote collection though. A trillion ZWD note is worth about $5USD as a collecter's item.
TrymWS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:02:12 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He'd be out of the country without a care in the world, and stable USDs in his account.
So more like Scumbag Steve.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:53:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually converting that money would probably help slow the inflation, since it would mean someone buying a lot of ZWD, raising its value -> lowering prices.
paholg ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 18:56:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You've got it backwards.
The trillion ZWD came out of nowhere, and now you're selling it for USD. That's an extra trillion ZWD in circulation. It's not gonna lower prices.
That is all I'm adressing, not wether it has an impact on the market or not.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:06:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You are right, IF it came out of nowhere. But say you somehow accumulated it inside Zimbabwe. Then you sell it to a foreign country. Now locally, there is less ZWD and the prices go up. Would you agree?
tammio ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:12:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No. Converting so many YWD into US dollars would mean the exchangerate would plummet like Ikarus. This means the Costs of all imported goods in Zimbabwe rise. Now I'm to lazy to look up what and how much Zimbabwe produces but I'm assuming they import many, many finished products in exchange for raw materials. Imagine the price of refined oil going up 500% over night because all oil refineries are abroad and you have to convert your ZWAD into US $ (wich is the Currency oil is traded in) and your currency has depreciated down the Mariana Trench.
That my good Sir, is one heck of an Inflation
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:44:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Indeed, I have seen the flaws in my reasoning, honourable gentlemen.
Iandian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:07:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Does the whole country even have a trillion zwd in circulation?
eloel- ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:13:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
if it's only worth 2.7 billion USD, I'd assume so.
paholg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think inflation and deflation are too complicated to give a definite answer.
If the money is coming from other people, then that changes the scenario drastically, though.
The currency exchange will have Bid and Ask orders in place. If you make a market order to sell your trillion you will absolutely tank the market by eating up all asks down to a very low USD value.
You are selling 1 trillion ZWD that otherwise wouldn't have been sold. You are increasing supply of ZWD available for purchase in USD while the demand for ZWD has not changed. You will tank the value of ZWD
Edit: It doesn't have to come out of nowhere all that matters is the supply and demand of ZWD vs. USD. What you have done is create a massive supply without increasing demand.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:17:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually that makes more sense, I must agree with you.
Yes, but they have a currency shortage so the government, in their infinite wisdom, is passing out what are essentially IOUs for USD that are totally not their own currency but you are supposed to use them to exchange goods and services and are definitely legit and redeemable for actual money. And definitely aren't undergoing their own inflation, because remember they aren't actually currency.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How does that work? You can still buy a trillion ZWD bill on ebay for like $10.
The Government started hacking off zeros from their currency to make it easier on their computer systems. So what you are buying are old notes which are worth a closer to 10 current ZWD or even less (technically they can't even be traded in anymore so they are only worth what you can get on Ebay).
For example, $1 trillion 'Third' Zimbabwe dollars turned into $1 'Fourth' Zimbabwe dollar in February 2009. If you were to have a 'First' Zimbabwe dollar it would be worth 1 / 1025.
l_ft ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:59:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I found a $20 trillion note in the globe box of a car I bought a year or so ago. I swear I had heart palpitations after googling the exchange rate..
...then googled some more and was sad ;(
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:14:37 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A dollar isn't a specific term, a lot of countries around the world use "dollars" including Zimbabwe (or at least they did before they converted to USD).
moriero ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 18:15:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You can also buy Zimbabwe and rename it to Antim-Antidotabwe
How do you have a comment worth 16k but total comment karma is at 12k? Did you get karma taxed or something? Did you choose the option to receive your karma in multiple segments?
If you're going off XE.com, I believe the exchange rate they give is essentially a placeholder (you can see that it's been perfectly constant for the last ~8 years). Zimbabwean dollars aren't even used anymore and are essentially worthless.
It's a cycle, Zimbabwe prints out money to pay off debts, this put more money into the market lowering the value, so Zimbabwe prints out more money to make up for the lost value. This repeats till the government realise they've screwed up.
Lmao my accountant told me a story about a guy he did tax returns for once. The IRS accidentally gave him a massive tax return. The guy was freaking out and asked my accountant for advice. Was told to put it all in savings. He snail mailed the IRS telling them of their mistake and they wanted the money back with interest. Accountant then gets in a 8-10 month argument with the IRS through the USPS and the finally agreed that the man who received the money would only have to return the amount that was incorrectly given to him. By the time he did he had made a profit off of the interest of it sitting in his bank.
Toodlez ยท 3367 points ยท Posted at 19:05:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hope that accountant got a fucking sick christmas bonus that year
the evidence is overwhelming... looks like lawyers aren't real and are in fact hallucinations that let you tap into the legal knowledge buried deep inside of you
No way, holidays and summers are great for us public accountants. It's only March and April that suck.
MRDIII ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah the weather is so unpredictable, making plans outdoors is such a high risk, low reward gamble.
And I just meant that the particular accountant above seems like the type of worker to minimize the amount of time away from the office cuz money don't sleep.
I'm guessing you don't have a savings account or you would know that the interest rate is typically around 0.01%. So, no, you are wildly incorrect. By orders of magnitude. A 10% return in 8-10 months would be closer to a very good stock portfolio.
I think because he wrote it as he would say it. People say dollars automatically when they see the $ sign but the cents sign isn't there so he wrote. Yeah it was unecessary but I can see how he would do that.
Well the guy was already paying the accountant, and if the IRS requested an interest rate higher than the federal interest rate (which was probably about what the bank was giving him on the savings account) then they would essentially be charging him for their fuck up which, I would imagine, is grounds on which they could be sued.
The reasoning behind asking for interest is that, had they not paid out that much, the money would still be sitting in their bank account accruing interest, probably at about that same rate. So not only did they give away their capital, they gave away the interest from the interim period between losing it and getting it back. Therefore, any money he accrued from it would've been, in a certain sense, "their" money as well(I know it's not fair but they make the rules). Honestly I think the interest request was just a far reach on the IRSโs part as a court would most likely rule that he would only need to pay the capital. I'm just spitballing though.
And yes, as I said, spitballing. I just used the federal rate as a reference point. I think banks will go over the federal rate for loans and under for account interest. The IRS probably isn't making the federal rate in interest either but I don't know a whole lot about how the IRS does their banking so I'm not really qualified to say.
And no they don't because it's the IRS. They can try and bully you because they're the IRS and it's their job to try and screw you over. When you try to screw them over, it's just tax evasion. But if they're blatantly trying to screw you and you have a good accountant, I'd think you get a story like OP's.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:37:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought for sure this was going to be an "Undertaker" story that I skipped strait to the end, then read up. Thankfully it wasn't. Good guy accountant on his part.
"return it back with interest" is the IRS that big of a fucking joke? They fuck up so they thought he should pay for it?
absumo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:24:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's appropriate since State or Federal can hit their respective refund to pay the other (even if they are not still owed), use a third party company for the transfer, charge you for the transfer of your money that they should have not taken, and then return the money to you eventually minus the transfer fee. And, if you call about it, they play pass the buck to each other, won't/can't tell you about the transfer agent, sometimes tell you it's the treasury dept (it's not...), and go silent on the phone because you are on speaker and their legal advisor is telling them to say nothing.
How much money was it that you could generate a tidy profit of a mere savings account? Or what kind of savings/deposit account has a respectable interest rate over a 10 month period?
Nah I'm pretty sure the IRS gave that dude one trillion dollars and his accountant told him to put it in his 0.50% interest savings account. I mean I'm an accountant and that's what I would tell my clients to do.
[deleted] ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 20:17:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:21:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This guy compounds.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:41:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's actually really bad advice. The IRS will always figure that shit out eventually and come looking for the money.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:28:36 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He told him not to spend it and to notify the IRS.
That's not bad advice at all.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 10:33:26 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're better off just not cashing the check.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:40:27 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What cheque? don't they do a bank deposit?
That's kind of hilarious if not.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:58:11 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You can request direct deposit when you file but if you don't provide the info the default is a check.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:02:47 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
that's honestly so bizarre to me. I can't remember the last time I even saw a cheque.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:07:54 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They are not exactly the most up to date agency. We still send things to the IRS by fax...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:10:21 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Woah. Sounds like a pain in the butt!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:14:54 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yep. That's why I said just don't cash the check. It is an absolute pain in the ass whenever you have to deal with the IRS, so I'd try to avoid it if at all possible. You can easily be on hold over an hour, if you can even get through at all, if you try and call to talk to someone.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:28:30 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yeah fair enough then!
westc2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:41:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A savings account? So he probably made like a $4 profit?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:30:53 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If he was given $100,000, he might've made closer to $4000.
Depending on the year.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:47:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As the Nigerian prince, I recommend we skip the middle man and deposit it straight to my account.
iBZRK ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:14:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As the advisor to the Prince, I assure you it's a birthday present for his son that's studying abroad and will pay you back double. Just give me your paypal.
As a Nigerian Prince, trust this Nigerian financial advisor.
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 15:08:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With that kind of money you could find a way to actually become a Nigerian Prince. Then I'd pull those scams except actually send people the $5 million or whatever.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:38:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I had a trillion dollars I might buy a noble title and start pulling this scam. Only I'd actually give out some money. I mean what's a few hundred thousand when you have a trillion.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:45:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1 trillion dollar investment with a 4% commission. I'll take that.
I am also a lawyer and it is in your best interest to give /u/MISSINGxLINK half of the money. You know.....to diversify your funds.....or something like that
snora41 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Here's the issue. I'm also a lawyer noreally, and I'd strongly advise that the money needs to be given to reddit user /u/snora41
You'd think a lawyer would at least spell their own user name exactly as it appears; it may function the same, but that's some sloppy attention to detail.
[deleted] ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 18:01:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just kill myself cuz there's no way I'd wanna go down for whatever I'm about to be framed for....
A trillion dollars is such a fucking ridiculous amount of money you wouldn't even need to worry about that either. You could give 30 people a million dollars everyday for your entire life since the day you were born and you would still have over 100 million left by the end of it.
Binkusu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But what if they freeze your money before you can do anything? Transactions take a while to go through anyways and I doubt they'd spend time waiting around.
The question is "if you woke up with 1 trillion dollars". I assume I'd have some time to spend it. If not, what's the point of the question? And by extension, if they freeze my money before I can do anything, why am I in court?
haby112 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 18:31:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
After reading your comment, in totally practicle terms it would probably take serious work to make that amount of money legal so I coulad actually use it for what I would want to.
Buy some food trucks, cash. Legalize those buisnesses slowly and smartly. Launder a few thousand at a time through those until I can get some larger cash businesses without it looking sketch.
Move up to laundering a few hundred thousand a year.
Not sure how I could legalize larger amounts then that. Maybe move to buisness in poorly burocratized countries, and then try to reimport that money.
That sounds like years, maybe decades of work before I would really be able to use all that money for things I would like to use it on.
Edit: spelling
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:48:53 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
haby112 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:24:58 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I honestly never would have thought of a casino. That makes total sense. I would only have to start with the smallest possable betting house and just grow steadily on an incline that makes sense.
I specialise in Bird law but I think I can take your case
Zergom ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:01:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, with $1 trillion, I would just give a $1 million to everyone who said they knew me. That's enough to give 1 million people, $1 million each (I hope I did the math right, sorry reddit if I didnt).
I think that's the worst thing you can do, the best thing is to shut the fuck up about it. Enjoy life however you want. Keep a side shop going to avoid tax questions.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:56:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yea. It's pretty fucking hard to hide $1Tr.
Your side shop would need to be a conglomerate consisting of Apple, Exxon, and Walmart to even come close to looking legit.
Toodlez ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:06:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You only need to launder what you spend. Assuming in this hypothetical scenario you suddenly have the trillion in cash in a giant scrooge mcduckian vault under your house.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First, you shit yourself. Second, you contact the best god damn lawyer in the United States. Third, you wait for him to stop shitting himself. Fourth, you pay him $100mm to make sure you're forever good.
That's actually a really good idea. I'm so useless i wouldn't know what to do with 10 dollars.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously, that's the most realistic sensible answer. I'd spend a few minutes trying to figure out if the money was real. Then I'd be trying to figure out how to find a lawyer that was good and that I could trust. If the lawyer told me that I could keep the money, my next step would be to find an accountant that was good and that I could trust.
Then I'd go on with my life for at least a few months to see what happened, because no matter what the lawyer told me, I wouldn't trust that I would be allowed to keep the money. I'd be paranoid AF. Put all the money into completely separate accounts and not touch a cent until I could figure out what was what. Even once I knew it was legally mine, I'd be on the lookout for people to scam me. I'd do everything I could to prevent anyone from knowing that I had that kind of money.
Actually, eventually, I'd probably give most of it away in some form or another. If I kept even a few million, I'd still be set for life, and I'd be a lot less worried about my own safety.
Buy property in London, usually you can get a stay of execution if you need to free up funds. Drag out the process as long as possible and pocket the difference. On a trillion you don't need a lot of interest to make enough cash to last a lifetime.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:36:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 19:04:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why should they get better techs than they provided?
absumo ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:18:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
More like give them a huge window for install, sit out side watching til they leave, then leave a note on the door saying sorry for missing them and to call and reschedule. You also reply to their voicemail and inform them they were moved to the back of the waiting list and you will be in touch to reschedule.
Sure. You will be the only technician in your area. You get paid $10,000/hr and only work from 12-4pm on Monday through Thursday. The job also comes with 6 weeks of paid time off.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:28:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then he has a kid and gets 6 months paid vacation.
sg7791 ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 17:37:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Theoretically, if I bought all of the telecoms in the US, could I decide to make no profit, invest in infrastructure, and make affordable gigabit internet available for everyone?
Originally my answer was that I wanted to give everyone fiber. But then I decided that fucking Comcast would be way more satisfying
Kreth ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 17:54:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Demote all upper management to ditch diggers, and if they quit, you buy whatever company they join
absumo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:21:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get by on minimal profits after raises for all the real workers and pay those greedy fuckers minimum and keep raising their insurance. Use the money to give raises to others and offset healthcare costs for everyone else. "Welcome to reaping what you sow motherfuckers!"
paholg ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:58:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start your own telecom company, run nation-wide fiber, and sell service for cheap. No one will be using Comcast.
Nah, you actually need to burn the vine at the root in this case. Comcast used their influence to halt googles attempts at expansion.
xnaas ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:24:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You see...Google tried that...but it turns out usurping an oligarchy is basically impossible. Though...I guess Google didn't go into the project with 1 trillion dollars to blow. :P
I don't think that's stopped anyone.... and I don't really know of any time (off the top of my head) that those laws were actually enforced to the point of breaking up a monopoly.
If you're running at 0 profit you would have trouble attracting talented executives to help run your company, as there would be no room for growth for the employees working there. Entropy is a bitch.
Eventually you would begin to lose market position to actual profit-seeking investment capital. Although it would take awhile since you'd have the regulatory rights to all the public right-of-ways (conduits, terminals, etc.) throughout each city and town.
Would the Sherman Antitrust Act even apply, though? Ignoring that most ISPs are already in violation of it and nothing ever happens to them, generally it's only invoked when a monopoly is abused, not just because it exists. A monopoly that's so absurdly pro-consumer is something I'd imagine very few people would dare touch for fear of the public backlash.
It's like if one pharma company held all antibiotics, and distributed them for free. They're still a monopoly, but nobody would fucking dare touch that because they'd get crucified, both figuratively and potentially literally.
That line isn't so much about merit, but about stopping one large company from buying out all of its competitors by virtue of being bigger. Thus, you actually would be violating the act if you were to buy those guys out and then run them honorably. Conversely, if you were to make your own and run it like that and as a consequence run Comcast out of business, you'd be in the clear.
I have a friend in telecom that deals with their links to other telecoms, he spends an average of 4 hours a day on hold. His record is around 8 hours for one call.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:54:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy them all and make their service affordable for everyone.
Sadly you would not be able to buy them all.. Anti-Competetive laws would stop you assume to big market
waser78 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:41:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As a telecom worker I would stab you in the face with a spoon. We get put on hold for just as long as everyone else but we get paid per job (or ticket as we call it). So we'll sit on the phone for a half hour and not get paid any extra for it. Makes it a real pain to try and make a living. Also everyone takes their anger out on us. I'm just a technician. I don't control wait times. I hate the system as much as anyone.
That would actually be one of the best ways to help those people. Gates already has foundations and charities set up for exactly that, and he'd be able to handle it without creating hyperinflation and screwing over the very people you're trying to help.
poiu45 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:34:01 on April 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once my sister and I each got some lollies for Christmas. I hid mine in the loungeroom, thinking it was a great hiding spot. I made sure to count them to make sure my sister didn't steal them. Over a few days I started to notice I had more than the day before. I was totally amazed and starting to think I was crazy.
Trolled by my sister. My Mum made me give the surplus back.
Haha damn she got you. Would've been evil if she had eaten one of hers and then told your mom she didn't have all the surplus back. Making it seem like you ate an extra one.
It would be like the rich guy equivalent of putting more shampoo on the head of a person in the shower.
elapid ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 19:18:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then you pay someone in the bank to spy on his account you can replace every dollar he spends the moment he spends it.
Then when he tries to spend it all in one go to get to you don't replace it.
mfb- ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 19:26:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He would happily funnel all that money into humanitarian projects, 10 billions at a time. You can do a lot with a trillion dollars.
Intrexa ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:55:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would never wash my socks ever again. I would pay someone to acquire me a brand new pair of high quality socks every single day, some nice merino wool socks. He would then donate the dirty ones to charity, or maybe sells them online, or w/e. I don't care. As long as he's always nearby with a new pair of socks whenever I need them.
Nah, hire a foot-double to wear them for a couple of washes first, to break them in. If you hire the right guy, it'll be like you were the one breaking them in.
I think foot-doubles actually exist for shoes, I read about them somewhere.
That's complete bullshit. That land is the "crown estate" and is for all intents and purposes owned by a branch of the government.
The modern royal family has as much to do with that land as any other random bit of public space. To say that having the royal family (in terms of expenses) is profitable is facetious. The debt owed to the royals from that land died alongside Geroge the III, but greedy / lazy royals afterwards decided to keep that train running simply because they were the monarchs, and who could fuckin' stop 'em? The only thing supporting this stance now is an imaginary fear of authority and politeness.
Better yet, not only axe the dole scrounging royal family, but move that land fully in to the public sphere to be governed by the people completely.
He'd just call you an idiot for wasting all that money on taxes instead of directly gifting the money to his charity, but he'd take the money happily to fight Guinea Worm.
Donate the money to his kids instead. That will get him even more angry, since he's said in the past (paraphrasing here) that he doesn't want his kids to have "fuck you" money.
Just set up a foundation to automatically gift him the right amount of money such that, once his outgoing and incoming taxes are done, his net worth doesn't change a cent when he tries to give some away.
Donate it to him with the stipulation that he has to spend it on material possessions for himself. Don't let that bastard get all philanthropic with your prank money.
He'd probably be better at giving it away than I would be though.
I'd probably give him 500 billion TBH. I'd still have way more money than I'd ever know what to do with, and at least some of it would be in good hands.
[deleted] ยท -6 points ยท Posted at 19:23:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
he doesnt give away a god damn thing. all his humanitarian work is just a front for the social engineering games billionaires like to play in their old age.
Be super public about it too, talk about how bad you feel for him, and how you're just genuinely trying to make the world a better place by giving to those who need it most.
Honestly though, if you're going for the philanthropy route with your trillion dollars, Bill is probably the man to talk to, he's one of the only guys with relevant experience.
Azertys ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:41:19 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eh, he would in turn give it to one of his charity. Congratulations /u/unknown_human, you've helped eliminate malaria!
I was following some prince from UAE that posted a picture of his mega yacht with the caption "You peasants brag about your Bugatti while my gold toilet on my yacht is worth more"
My grandfather rode a camel
My father drove a BMW
I'm driven around in a limo
My kids will be driven around in limos
My grandchildren will be riding camels.
bobosuda ยท 1341 points ยท Posted at 18:31:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The quote is by the old Emir of Dubai, Rashid bin Saeed Al Maktoum.
The actual quote is:
"My grandfather rode a camel, my father rode a camel, I drive a Mercedes, my son drives a Land Rover, his son will drive a Land Rover, but his son will ride a camel."
No problem! I thought of the exact same quote too when I read his comment, and I was about to reply when I saw yours, so I figured I'd just add some additional info to your reply.
I thought it had more to do with the family tree branching out. Each generation adds an exponential number of people living off the money.
Isord ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:54:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sure but with good investments even a large family would be able to sustain itself for a long time on that kind of money. Plus usually rich people have fewer kids so their family trees don't expand as absurdly.
Usually, is the key word there. I have no idea what the family situation was for this Emir.
ma2016 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:21:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Meh. I'm not going to begrudge a family simply because they happen to be in control of a resource the rest of the world wants. Sure some of them are asswads, but that's every family.
dwadley ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:29:58 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair, he has been. Why do you think he's been investing billions of dollars into the infrastructure and emenities of Dubai? He knows that eventually the oil is going to run out, so he's been positioning Dubai as one of the world's best travel and business destinations in the hopes that when the oil runs out, theres still an extensive tourism industry to fuel the countries growth.
Zero tolerance drug policy, no pork or porn, women required to dress modestly, sex outside of marriage illegal even for foreigners, women who get raped are charged with a crime. Sounds like a real rollicking good time.
Make no mistake, when the oil money is gone this city will be swallowed by sand. It already takes constant effort to avoid it now.
And that's why the UAE has for the past few decades been diversifying their economy and concentrating on STEM education fields. Out of all the oil rich Gulf nations, they are far ahead in the diversification game.
quyax ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 19:43:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"....And his son will fuck a camel. Dirty Abdul we call him. He's in a mental home".
The idea is that his forefathers were poor, he and is immediate sons are rich, but because the riches are fleeting and spent quickly through luxurious gifts to themselves like expensive cars and giant palaces, the money will disappear quickly as well and the family will be back to where they were as poor people.
Obviously that was not the case, seeing as I think the final son in this quote has actually been born, the great-grandson of the man who said it, and the family is still worth billions.
Land Rovers are great cars if money is not an issue, though. I would love to drive a Land Rover, but everything about repairs or basic maintainance for those cars are so incredibly expensive compared to any other SUV.
The great thing about Land Rovers is they will deliver you parts to anywhere you happen to be broken down with one of their vehicles. Yes, this is expensive, but I live in America and sometimes I can't get parts for my Ford with every resource seemingly available.
I was going to say this as well, but I didn't remember the exact saying. I'm glad you're here Snuffy.
Really though, it's a great and precise saying. Always stuck with me. I think it's a bit different than the actual quote though. Limos aren't such a fancy thing these days anyway
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:31:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The previous Saudi king said that I think.
kynuna ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:51:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hard times create strong men,
Strong men create good times,
Good times create weak men,
Weak men create hard times.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:39:52 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're pretty good at your buzzwords and memes. Maybe try spending some less time away from reddit and your computer and you'll start realizing that not everyone posts on reddit to increase their self-worth and mask their insecurities like you.
I don't even need to look through your comments to judge you. Someone who's spent four years lurking this site and doing inane exchanges with strangers screams socially awkward and lonely. You're probably even proud of that fact.
But hey even social rejects need a place to call their home. Enjoy the rest of your life being a manchild
"I don't even need to look through your comments to judge you. Someone who's spent four years lurking this site and doing inane exchanges with strangers screams socially awkward and lonely"
Says the person calling me out?.......
But I'm sorry you're upset by my posting. I'm not sure what's going on in your life, but I hope that your day gets better.
You don't seem to be aware of the societal problems of their oil economy. They've been using this income to buy off the poorer people for a while. Now the money is drying up and tension is building. Guess who has a big ol target on their back?
This is an article from Politico on how RT covered the election as an Anti-Hillary, Pro-Trump (and Pro-Bernie) machine, bookended by mentions of Ed Schultz, the former MSNBC flame-throwing left-wing propagandist and his turn to the Russian media outlet.
And here is an article from Time Magazine on how RT works on the inside in general. (published before Trump got into the race, and before they hired some of their bigger guns).
But RT is literal propaganda that has no need to relate to the truth. It'd be like using those army recruiting ads to get an accurate idea of what army life is like.
[deleted] ยท -30 points ยท Posted at 18:29:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
jlmbsoq ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 18:39:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Facts are not a liberal conspiracy. Pointing out that a news outlet has a bias is not part of some secret liberal agenda to discredit conservatives. Get over your damn persecution complex, nobody is out to get you.
The BBC is heavily biased towards UK interests in general. They make efforts not to favour a particular political party or position within the UK, but if there is something that the political interests in the UK have broad agreement on then that is the viewpoint you will get from the BBC. So (for example) if you want an unbiased viewpoint on things happening in former British colonies like Hong Kong, then the BBC is unlikely to be a good option. Making people aware of bias is a helpful thing to do - it's up to each person how to take that into account when getting info from a particular source.
TzunSu ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:02:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, RT is unreliable because it's proven itself to not be trusted many times in the past. Some state run news agencies are fairly impartial, some are even more critical towards their own state then outsiders. RT is not one of them.
Alot of these problems stem from the crude oil price dropping, a single oil reservoir can have a lifespan of 100 + years. If the price of oil comes back to 80$ /bbl, the problems will continue
Casrox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yea and its dropping because restrictions are not being put in place and production this began ramping up as soon as opec agreed to cut their drilling to reasonable levels. But surprise surprise, who would've thought that cutting regulations in regard to drilling production would cause more drilling to occur(especially drilling in west tx). It's common sense that this would happen when even the president is telling about deregulation and promising a easier drilling process for the oil industry as a whole.
KJ6BWB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:44:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There are many companies just getting along, who are eagerly waiting for the price of oil to rise to reopen their fields. If OPEC does cut their production enough so that the price of oil rises enough, they'll only hurt themselves.
KSA isn't the same as the rest of the region. The UAE is fairly big into finance and precious metals (40% of the worlds physical gold trade). Bahrain deals with aluminum and is also big into finance (but the latter might not last when oil profits fall). Qatar has quite a lot of foreign investment. Iran has some thriving ag industries and other higher tech sectors that will do better if they can lose the religious stranglehold on the government.
This is it, we don't turn people against oil with climate change or energy independence.
We do it by making them hate the spoiled little rich shits that we're funding. Can't think of something old white people would be more pissed off about than Arabic kids calling them peasants. Except maybe gay Arabic kids calling them peasants.
Casrox ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:34:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's cool and all but until American cities as a whole create public transport systems that are not absolutely garbage then oil will still be used at a mass level. The way infrastructures in most major cities(especially in southern states...tx,okl,az,NM) are built, they do not contain the ease or access needed to completely convert the average American. For instance I live in the capital of tx. Today I actually need to go to my mechanic. In order to do this through public transport I would have to wake up at the crack of fucking dawn, walk a mile+ to get to the closest bus stop, then waste 1-3hrs going less than 20 miles one way. Also the bus stop nearest my mechanic is 1.2 miles away. So that's another 40 minutes of walking give or take. We are talking a 6-7hr round trip time through public transport compared to an hour max round trip if I just use my car. This also doesn't factor in those areas that are more rural. For instance, I lived in the "hill country" while growing up. I was 5 miles outside of our very small town(less than 10k ppl), and 30 miles from the nearest metro style city(San Antonio). There was one bus for school and that's it. No public transport at all. If I didn't have a car I wouldn't be able to do anything. A public transport is completely possible, but only if the area you live in has heavily invested in an infrastructure that supports and promotes that form of transit imo.
BtDB ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:47:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
not with they way some of them spend it. Oil price being what they are. They're spending a lot faster than their pumping it out of the ground.
The Sheikh primarily responsible for the transformation of Dubai was once quoted. "My grandfather rode a Camel, my father rode a Camel, I drive a Mercedes, my son drives a Land Rover, his son will drive a Land Rover, but his son will ride a Camel."
Granted there might be a couple more generations squeezed in there but the point still stands.
Not from the oil money they don't. The Saudis will be bankrupt in under 20 years if oil prices don't head up over $80 again. The UAE can last longer, but that's banking money, not oil money.
It will after I invest half a trillion dollars into clean energy infrastructure. All so I can see the spoiled rich kids heartbroken!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oil not going out of fashion soon is a bold statement in these times.
NPRdude ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not Arabic wealth, but here in Vancouver we have a lot of fortunes flowing in from East Asia, and I read a statistic at some point saying on average ~90% of the wealth was gone by the 3rd generation (grandchildren of those who brought the money to Canada).
Don't they have so much money now though, that if they just invest in other business/stocks with some of their money it won't even matter if oil becomes irrelevant?
I find it hard to imagine they have no savings or investments, and are literally just spending every oil dollar right as it comes in with no concern for the future. It seems that way because of how much they do spend... but i think they make & invest even more.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:38:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Try telling that to our federal government in Canada and our provincial government in Alberta. Fucking idiots the lot of them.
Nah they just invest all that money and live off the haram interest
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:17:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's not just oil money anymore. The Saudis might be financially retarded but the people they pay to invest their money aren't. The arab oil states are investing trillions into the market, real estate and private foreign infrastructure.
IIRC some parents were prosecuted because of their kids flaunting money on social media. The kids' photos were used as evidence in cases where the parents made money through crime.
There was a guy on Instagram who always called people peasants. Also showed off with fancy stuff. Then someone saw him on the train and called him a fake. Wonder if he still on Instagram.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:57:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's a crazy rich Asian kid at my Uni who drives a Lamborghini Aventador (new this semester. Thank god the poor guy's not still stuck driving his old Tesla S) everywhere. I can't help but laugh though because I'll while he's definitely got serious fuck you money, I still see him doing shit like taking it to Target to do shopping. Motherfucker blew all that money on the car and is still cleaning his own bathroom, i don't get it.
lawonga ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:18:26 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Asian kids are given the car and told to try to keep to a low profile.
I'm surprised he's not driving his lower profile BMW or something to school
Honest question/observation: if Bill Gates is the richest man in the world, where are these people's place on the richest people in the world list? It seems that the Saudi royal family is just about the richest group of people in the world. Do they have more money than Bill Gates? Do they count as one whole or many parts to one whole?
They dont have more money than gates. Their combined networth is south of 50billion. Gates is around 80 billion.
Kilmir ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:58:56 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gates has more, but he doesn't spend it needlessly on gold toilets and such. The Saudis are literally too rich for their own good. They're spending it almost as fast as it is coming in. Once the oil dries up the family will go bankrupt within a generation.
One of my friends' family from UAE owns one of the world's biggest yachts.
I went to Cannes and saw it and texted her about it, it didn't fit in the marina, so they had a "smaller" yacht (aka still bigger than the other ones) bring them to the marina.
Bro. Those some rich ass motherfuckers. I worked with the UAE presidential guard and someone the same rank as me made wayyyyyy more money than I do. I rethought my life choices even more.
gwh21 ยท 1273 points ยท Posted at 11:30:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy two of whatever they buy, destroy one on your new instagram/youtube channel and tag them on the post and then relentlessly mock them about how their money just isn't good enough
[deleted] ยท 637 points ยท Posted at 12:17:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Their money isn't a high enough quality to stand up to your premium money.
Zerotan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:40:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Blue Rubies!
17 for $2.79 or
79 for $9.79 or
POPULAR CHOICE!
191 for $21.79 or
BEST VALUE!
7927 for $719.29
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:49:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Destroy one, then pan to the other you still have and destroy that too, then buy a custom high class version and give that away to some average schmuck that went to school with the person you're mocking and buy yourself something average and sensible and tell them that you don't give a fuck about what people think about you because you have "fuck you" money that lets you say that to EVERYONE.
I follow this rich Chinese dude on Tumblr. He posts pics of these magnificent hotels across the world that he's staying at, his huge penthouse that he's living in with his sister, all open concept all white dickery. The worst part, the reason I followed him, is he is amazing at art. He's a master of detail, steampunk, lace, Victorian style intricate dress and decor, and has this really pleasing foggy painterly color style. It's bullshit. I wish I could steal his art powers, I actually think if given the choice between magically copying his skills so we both have the talent, or magically stealing his skills so he can't use them anymore, I'd steal his art skills.
It's just such bullshit. You can't be born super rich and talented! It's not fair! Either or! Starving artist or talentless moneybags. Come oooon. ๐ญ
Maybe his wealth came from elsewhere though? Never seen this guy's work but I'm sure there's half a million artists on deviantART alone who can match or even surpass his quality of work and they ain't livi'n in penthouses.
He's one of those people on Deviantart, he's been featured at least once afaik. He's from a wealthy family, I think, it's not like he personally invented jeggings and is living off the sweet Jean/legging fortune. He's a... Design student somewhere in California. In a private apartment, fully furnished in chique white furniture. Classic, wealthy Chinese young adult, sent to the USA to get a degree in being someone who could afford to go to America to get a degree. His parents are wealthy, yeah, but they seem generous to him and his sister so it's not like they are worrying about getting a degree that will serve them well in getting ahead.
This slightly enraged me lol. Wonder if I have ever looked at his work by accident there and just didn't realize it. I suppose that's one of the good things about the internet - it puts everyone on the same playing field. A millionaire's account only carries as much weight as anyone else's does.
I'd buy instagram so the money could keep on flowing and I'd still have income instead of a stale 1 trillion that surely cant sustain itself with my wild purchases I know i'll make and the costs for my family and friends in need. Then I'd go to class with a smile on my face knowing that all this education shit just became optional.
_ekaj_ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:04:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a friend who is featured on that show... the producers definitely hype it up, but my friend is still a douche bag!
If you have that kinda money and you give it to someone that's 16, they're gonna do stupid stuff with it lol
And the person that owns the acc makes bank from all these kids he's finnesing
MuhBack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:27:58 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean I know there are really rich people but are there that many kids with access to $20k? I'd just think their parents would give them like $100 per weekend or however much they need to go out on the weekend to the movies and eat.
The town I work in is full of people who think their rich when they really are not but act like it. My first act would be a billboard with that on it that I would then post to that Instagram. It would be so satisfying.
That's the way poor people talk. Rich adults hire someone else to do their dirty work.
Cyno01 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What? Pay to have every single one of them killed!
A trillion dollars is... its so far past fuck you money, its do whatever the fuck you want because you are untouchable kinda money. Hey secret service agents, ill give you each half a billion dollars to hold down the president so i can pee in his mouth.
๐คwhen he sees a random post and begins making random rhymes knowing his username is rap_bot and he knows some one will call him out on it, he gets triggered.
Yeah they tend to stick around Australia most of the time but the Hoods, Bliss N Eso, Horrorshow, Briggs and a few others have done overseas tours from time to time.
With that much money I bet he could pay plenty of radio stations to play even the shittiest rap
ridzzv2 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 18:14:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ฏ๐ฏ๐ฏ๐ฏ๐ฏ
Micotu ยท 733 points ยท Posted at 18:45:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bill wakes up one morning, hungover, after a late night soirรฉe at the foundation. Melinda looks at him and says, "Wow, Bill, you don't look so good." Bill replies, "Yeah I know, I feel like a million bucks..."
[deleted] ยท 169 points ยท Posted at 20:14:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Let's see. The highest denomination of US currency is $100. A "wad" of cash is usually 100 Franklins, so that's 10k per wad. A standard suitcase of cash can probably hold about 100 wads, so that's a million per suitcase. So... you'd need literally a million suitcases, each stuffed full of cash. You'd need a goddamn warehouse.
Then again, with a trillion bucks, I'm sure I could afford to rent out a decently cheap warehouse.
You're for sure gonna need some legit protection with that kind of dough. No doubt. Something beyond your basic karate or krav maga pussy shit. Pocket sand and a groin punch isn't gonna protect your trillion dollars, buddy. Sorry to tell ya!
[chuckles]
Oh! You know who'd I hire?
[coughs]
I would get ah, um... fuck, what's his name... The Mountain! Fucking Gregor Clegane from Game of Thrones! Holy shit, man. That guy has to be the strongest, scariest dude currently walking this planet, right? Brock Lesnar, too. Fuck... he's another big, scary bastard. That's kind of a tough call... because Brock has martial arts under his belt and he's a literal giant. Yeah, fuck, I think Brock is actually the right dude for that job.
[pulls mic closer]
More importantly, though, I would take all that money and somehow pay my way to get deep into some really secret-squirrel type of shit. I would want to know every hooker that's ever stepped foot in the white house and I'd demand to see the bodies of some aliens I'm sure our government has laying around fucking somewhere.
So that's where the criminal aliens are. In trump's cellar.
duaneap ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:23:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've always thought that the only advantage I can see to a Trump presidency is that if there are aliens, he for sure won't be able to keep that secret long.
TGOAT22 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:46:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have now read all of your comments thus far and you are on fucking POINT.
MrHattt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:26:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am so happy that this is a real account
Aoloach ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:54:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I started skimming the comment at first, and my eyes landed on "Brock" and I read some of the stuff around it and thought, "Yeah, that drying pan could probably do some damage."
Nah, first rule is to not tell anyone you woke up and found a trillion dollars. If they don't know, it can't hurt. Though I suspect if you went to the bank and started depositing large amounts the government might look into you.
"Boston Dynamics."
"Hi. You know all those jokes about how you're basically developing Terminators?"
"Yeah, we're aware."
"Build me a Terminator. Whatever it costs, I'll pay for it."
"Sir, we don't have the computing systems at our disposal for that level of sophistication."
"I've got Google on the other line. They're down for it."
"Would you like a standard model T-800?"
"Yes, but make the hyperalloy combat chassis gold plated."
"We'll start work on it as soon as we can verify payment. Thank you for choosing Boston Dynamics!"
I hear you. I'd go about my business like normal until I had everything in place to be legally and physically protected and then just vanish. My family would probably try to kill me to get the money. No hyperbole, I straight up think they'd murder me.
Former boss is billionarie. Was in Brazil on rich-people vacation (small exclusive resort tucked in the Amazon). Weather conditions didn't permit helicopter ride to Rio, was driven instead. Someone from the resort tipped off someone else. Convoy ambushed, ex boss kidnapped. Held ransom. Kidnap insurance kicks in after 24 hours. Fucking ex-seal team six arrives 18 hours later. Extraction. One injury, no casualties. No ransom paid. Terrible 36 hours for him, but could have been worse.
syro23 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:50:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know a billionaire that has like no security. His attorney who was with him possibly doubled as a bodyguard though. The dude was menacing and quite large. The only other guy there with him was his accountant.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:03:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No shit. First thing I'd do is pay off people to keep the news from getting out, or, alternately, try to send a bunch of it off immediately and publicize about my lack of access to it or how it's already in the hands of, say, The Nature Conservancy. "No use killing me now, boys. I'm plum broke." =P
There's no need. You can pay any kidnapper 10 million as a ransom, and it would take you getting kidnapped 100,000 times before you're absolutely broke.
I liked the idea from Sons of Anarchy, where there was a super rich gangster guy-turned businessman-butstill gangster. His security precaution? If he gets killed there's an automatic $5 million bounty on his killer's head and a squad of mercenaries eager to collect the paycheck.
I always have to pee right when I wake up in the morning. It's an awkward mental battle where I don't want to get up, but my bladder ends up winning out eventually. Even with a trillion dollars, homeboy still gotta drain the tank.
So I think I'd make my first purchase some sort of elaborate setup with the plumbing where I can just lean off the bed and pee into a tube, then go back to bed and resume being a warm toasty cinnamon bun.
If anyone thinks that's gross, then like you said, fuck them I got a trillion dollars.
EDIT: Yes I know catheters exist, I don't want to shove a tube up my urethra every night, you are probably number fifty to suggest it by now if you were going to do so. I'm also aware that bedpans exist, and Gatorade bottles. You have odd, odd assumptions about me.
'Good morning!' he said, with a laugh and a grin -
'It's just the cashier from your bank checking in!
Your balance is perfect,' he started to say -
'Precisely the same as it was yesterday!
'Your cash has been counted and sorted and stacked!
Your vaults have been tallied and totalled and packed!
Your money's a mountain, but maybe, what's more -
It makes the same number it made up before!
'So never you worry or fluster or fret -
We're here when you need us, and never forget -
We'll say what you say if you pay us,' he said.
I sighed with relief and I went back to bed.
West004 ยท 383 points ยท Posted at 17:10:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fresh sprog poem. May everyone be as lucky as I am to wake up to this
I usually read your poems like a Dr. Suess poem because of the rhymes but this time I sang it like there were 6 bank tellers doing a dance routine and they never stopped smiling.
Wait, does that mean someone is skimming off the top? I should have more money than I had before. I would think 1 trillion dollars would compound so much interest that the counter would spin faster than a pinwheel in the wind.
FWIW: I always thought that it referred to something perishable and consumable and that the person was buying as much as possible so they could enjoy it before they lost the chance to have it again. In a purely hypothetical example, someone who goes to McDonalds the day they stop selling Shamrock Shakes, and orders 10 of them, and eats them in one sitting, as they are a limited time item, but they will also melt. Secondary tidbit: 6 Shakes in, everything tastes like sadness.7 shakes and beyond is a no-mans land.
Not sure the interest on a trillion dollars, but i imagine your making a crazy amount of money per second. The intrest alone when you take a pee is more $ then I'd ever see
pmjm ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:50:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you assume an average savings account with 0.06% APR, that's $60 billion per year in interest on 1 trillion dollars, or a bit over $114K per minute. Assuming it takes you 30 seconds to pee, you're making an average American family's annual salary while you drain the lizard.
This service is available, but will cost you slightly less than 1 Trillion dollars, specifically the cost of some sort of elaborate setup with plumbing where you can just lean off the bed and pee into a tube less than 1 trillion dollars.
I mean, I guess it just reads like something I would have written when I was a teenager. Hard to explain, but it's like, if you want to make jokes about these very-widely-discussed things, it'd help if they were less trite. I'd wager that comment is about the one billionth iteration of the exact same thing. I just appreciate some spice in my "DAE military industrial complex and the OIL INDUSTRY?"
Hope I didn't sound like a total dick, but hey, you did ask why ;)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:33:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No need. Assuming that you get some amount of interest from this you'll be set for generations. Even at a .01% annual rate of return you're going to be pulling in $100 million/year. And I assure you, you can get much better ROI than 1/100th of 1%. To vaguely quote a book I read once, when you're dealing with this much money you don't need to invest it with the intentions of generating wealth. Just the investments required to preserve the wealth would be enough to generate lifetimes of income.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:33:57 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just coming in to say, that with today's interest payments, you would earn waaaay more than $1 a day in interrest. So you technically would have infinite money
Eshtan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:02:46 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you ever have a question, don't ask it on Reddit, you'll get ignored. Just say something wrong and you will have people crawling out of the woodwork to correct you with the facts.
Yeah and $10 is still closer to a trillion than $0 but it's still wrong to say they're equal. If you have a person and chop off one of their fingers, you still have a person. If you have 6 eggs but drop one you don't still have 6 eggs. Counting isn't supposed to be ambiguous.
No question. Of course it's close. And it's so close that you may as well round up. I round up my bank balance so I don't sound like a pauper all the time. But a little part of me knows I'm lying.
Pretty sure once you cross the million dollar mark, most banks start just fuckin giving you money anyway. At the trillion dollar mark they probably give you banks. No need to round up.
If you are earning only 2% net annual interest (which is ridiculously low), a trillion dollar will earn you $634.20 per second or $54,794,520.55 a day. How can you even spend $54.79 millions a day? Even Michael Jackson didn't have that kind of spending habit.
With interest on 1 trillion dollars your could spend far more than $1 and still have a trillion dollars.
JasonDJ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At 1.05% APY compounded daily, One Trillion dollars gains 10.5 Billion Dollars in interest per year.
That's sitting in savings. You'd lose more money to inflation than you could possibly spend, unless you decide you're going to buy a small country or two.
With the interest that trillion would be earning, even conservatively you'd have to spend more than a couple thousand dollars a second for the balance to have a shot at going anywhere
There are some people with integrity. Of course you could just buy a private army and secede from the US. I actually like this plan. Buy a bunch of property, invest in Switzerland or whatever, buy an army, and form your own nation-state. Spend a few years building infrastructure, and then apply to join the US as a State. With your low population you can be a swing state, and money poors in from lobbiests
My plan would be 20 years long. Spend the first few years building steady investments so you continue to receive steady income.
Then find some land on the west coast or something, and build a city from the ground up. Plan it properly and make it prosperous. Meanwhile keep building connections in the major governments and other big players. Then just wait for the right crisis, when the US government has low approval and declare independance. Feel free to bribe the US government, a dozen billion or so should do.
Personally I would use a system of government similar to Germany with myself as consitutiomal Monarch. It would not be hereditary, but with me appointing my succesor with Legislative approval. I would act purely as head of state, with Prime Minister serving as head of government. I just serve as the check for the government, making sure they follow the rules. If someone tries to gerrymand my country and supress my voters, I would hold them accountable.
Siphyre ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 17:26:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly I think this system of government would likely be the best. One person to step in when the legislative group starts failing in reason and when the judicial branch starts being stupid. Pretty much a hands off monarchy that holds absolute power with the monarch when needed. A careful choice of a non biological successor and it could go on forever barring natural disasters. Your citizens wont riot if they are taken care of.
The biggest problem with hereditary succession is complacency and a sense of entitlement. What you want is someone with a strong sense of duty and integrity.
I would definitely not make myself absolute monarch, that is asking for trouble and would be unsustainable. I would basically be a glorified ethics office. I dont do anything except hold the others accountable. And get called "your majesty".
Siphyre ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:43:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Right. I would still want my children to be called princes and shit but the king is chosen by succession not birth. They would have a chance but they would have to pass morality tests and all that to even have that chance.
But I do believe absolute power would be needed lest there is a coup by the legislative branch. It could not be used often or you would be painted as a dictator but sometimes it would be needed.
I think it could work if you separated the Legislative branch from the Executive, but then the question is where does the Executive branch come from? I am leaning towards a more left-leaning liberal government, and the absolute power would be very hard to justify, especially when you essentially buy a coup. It is healthier in the long-term to have separation of power.
I should have absolute power over the Legislature, limited by public opinion and real-politik of course; but I shouldn't be running the country. I could influence the people who do, but there needs to be a check from me just running everything.
I think I would give the representatives noble titles as well. Elected Barons and Dukes and such. Barons are elected from local districts, Earls are proportional party lists or possibly regional representatives at the federal level, and Dukes are the heads of the districts/provinces.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:12:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
West coast is a horrible idea. The federal government owns most of the land, and they're not going to just let it go.
Your best bet would be to start buying up land in the Heartland (Dakotas, Montana, Wyoming), until you own the majority of those states. Start building up some investor relations in the PNW, and at that point you've got some of the best ranch/farm and energy producing land in the nation, a strong international port (Seattle), and a relatively secure border area (Canada to the north, friendly communities to the south). Start pushing secession with a nation comprising of the Heartland + PNW.
It would make a hell of a lot more sense than starting in California, as you'd be mostly self sufficient, and no one else would really care because they don't understand the implicit value in the Heartland states.
Siphyre ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:17:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The USA can keep that future island called california.
Cimexus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:40:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is pretty much the system of government in Canada, Australia, New Zealand, etc, other than the fact that the monarch is still hereditary. The head of government (the Prime Minister) is separate from the Head of State (the monarch, acting via their representative the Governor-General). It works very well, and since the monarch is completely apolitical, these countries have persisted with this system for a long time. The Queen still has certain reserve powers for exceptional circumstances, but these are rarely if ever used. Importantly, she's still ultimately accountable to Parliament and thus answerable to the people. If she started just dictating things randomly, a country like Australia for instance would just go "well, the monarch's powers are laid out in law (the Constitution), and we can change that law by going to a referendum, so let's hold a vote and get rid of her". The fact that the monarch knows that we can ditch them in such a way is precisely why there's no real risk of them abusing their power.
There are republican movements in these countries but they don't have majority support yet (Australia had a referendum to ditch the queen and become a republic in the late 90s, for instance, but it failed, largely because people didn't like the proposed replacement system).
Too complicated. I'd just start a private military that US contracts with. After about a year of having access to military technology, ex soldiers, and the ability to buy fighter jets and such. I would gather all the militias in Texas along with a few key politicians and have Texas declare independence. Our first target would be all national guard bases and military bases. Then we move on to conquering Mexico.
The real game plan would be to give Scientology $200 million because they already have an army of lawyers and if you give that much you have a good chance of getting to Tom Cruise level. Pretty sure John Travolta can murder someone and they will deal with it. Not to mention the personal servants. But then you need to pretend to believe it all which may or may not be worth it.
No way I am getting into bed with Scientology. With 500 million I could have a nation of my own lawyers. Too much danger of Scientology turning on me, besides the fact that it might keep me away from potential allies.
The low population means that you have a small army. If you rely on mercenaries for an army then your nation-state will be a nation state of mostly mercenaries. And the large countries will still airdrop 100,000 poorly trained soldiers on you because you're (fill in cause of the day here). But really because you have more money than them.
You dont need an army except for optics, if actually comes to a war against the US or China you are probably losing. The important part is just getting them to leave you to your own business, and you give them presents.
Ever hear the story of the goose that laid golden eggs? Unless that goose is a 500 foot tall reptile with nuclear breath, someone will cut it open to get all the eggs.
That was my plan, except with the rejoining the US part. Why would I? With that kind of money, you could literally buy Russia. You'd have enough to pay the heads of One Russia to go away forever, then rebuild the country with what you have left and its current tax receipts, diversify the economy, and create a wealthy nation state that would stand for something actually good.
Joining the US in my mind lets you join the big cartel. You could probably buy out the remains of the KGB, but that seems like sleeping with a sleeping bear, it will eventually turn on you. I also want to build something that outlasts me. I probably wouldn't join the US, but it was an option.
The FSB (aka the rebranded KGB) generally just does its work for the highest bidder. Treat people well, pay them on time, and they won't turn on you. If you've gutted and rebuilt a nation that controls one sixth of all land on the planet, even if much of its is frozen wilderness, you can call the US and say "hey, can we be friends?" and have them take the request for a partnership very seriously.
It could definitely work. The most important thing would be slowly dismantling the FSB and removing them as a threat. That can wait for 30 years though, the more important part is education reform and economic stimulus. This will let you raise a generation who can be loyal and combat the old guard.
Yea because all it takes to secede is money. California is now what the 6th largest economy in the world? and if it didn't have to pay federal taxes it would be the 3rd?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:10:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There was a gigantic swath of Texas for sale a few years ago in the form of a ranch. I wonder if it's still for sale. The price was like 280 million which is chump change for a trillionaire.
I have integrity. But I don't have a trillion fucking dollars worth of integrity.
BtDB ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:34:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty sure with that amount of money you can come to an arrangement exempting you from the necessity of taxes if you finance something in return. Either the IRS and yourself finance a literal team assigned to just keeping track of your finances or you come to an agreement and cut through the bullshit quid pro quo. "I pay no taxes if I donate/finance X amount of dollars."
Either that or you can literally afford to have a team to find tax loop holes all day or just offshore your assets and you pay nothing anyway.
KJ6BWB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:39:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's going to take more than a trillion dollars. Going rate to buy an average politician seems to vary from "tens of thousands" to "a few million" but to buy the IRS and... wait, I figured it out.
You don't need to buy the IRS. Just give a few billion to your friend Vladimir (Putin) and your friend Donald (Trump) and get appointed to head the IRS. Then you just order your agents to not audit you.
It's kind of like what Donald Trump is doing with the Trump hotel in DC. See, the hotel doesn't own the land that it's on -- it's leasing it. The government owns that land. And the terms of the lease say that a government official can't own the company/building that's leasing the property. But Trump is the head of the executive branch, who's responsible for managing things like that and of course he's not ok with kicking himself off his own lease, so that particular clause won't get enforced while he's in office. Then once he leaves office he won't be a government official anymore so won't be in violation of that particular rule anymore.
The majority of your debt is to American citizens. China only holds 8%, Japan hold more. And that is not China as in the government, a lot of it is citizens.
The US also holds a higher amount of China's debt.
GDP is not what the US government has, that is what everyone in the US has.
That's not it at all, actually. GDP has nothing to do with existing wealth - it's simply a measure of the total economic activity (individual, corporate, governmental, etc) within a year.
Last I checked, the US government is in debt for $20 trillion..... I think every single person that ever existed has more money than the US Government.
The premise is not that you earned a trillion and taxes were withheld but that you have it in your possession. First thing to do is drop $500,000+ on Bahamian real estate. That is the cutoff that automatically qualifies you for citizenship in a country with no income tax. Invest all you want after that, move to a beach with a private airstrip an basic infrastructure and live off untaxed income. Buy your own island if you want and charge cool people obscene amounts to come and hang out with you a la Richard Branson.
At 1% APY on $1,000,000,000,000 you'd be making about $19,000/sec.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:43:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It would be interesting, however, to examine what would happen to interest rates when 1 trillion dollars in liquid currency in the possession of one person.
[deleted] ยท 151 points ยท Posted at 14:21:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not sure any bed could hold a trillion dollars. That's at minimum 10 billion bills. Each bill weighs one gram, 454 grams in a pound, 2000 pounds in a ton... that's 11,000 tons of money.
If that's in bed with you, you are likely going to be crushed.
Nope, but I used to work for a bank, and have a finance degree, so this kinda thing was something we kinda payed attention to. I don't work there anymore, but I still read the reports and such since it's still interesting to me.
Lol. I meant that if you want to be crushed by 2/3rds of the money supply it might be easier to work where the money comes from (I know, it's actually the Bureau of Engraving and Printing) than to try and earn that much.
Cimexus ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:33:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This seems a lot easier in metric if each bill is a gram.
A tonne (metric ton) is a million grams (technically a megagram, but nobody says that). 10 billion bills divided by 1 million is 10,000 tonnes.
(This passes my rough 'does this make sense' check too, since I'm vaguely aware that a US ton is similar in weight to a regular tonne and you got 11,000 compared to my 10,000).
Exactly right - a metric tonne is 2205 US pounds; our ton is 2000. So 10,000 of yours is 11,000 of ours.
F2187 ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 16:05:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sure, but by the time he sets up the plumbing he will have had plenty of time to invest the majority of it.
arudnoh ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:16:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And probably destabilize the shit out of some things. I don't know money, but I know it's happened before.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:03:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The government would be fucking pissed at you if a trillion dollars in cash appeared on your property. They come in and start asking some serious questions about where it came from. How DID you get a trillion dollars, OP?
arudnoh ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:24:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Psh. Just launder it with a fuck ton of gumball machines, wishing wells, and nail salons. Duh.
$1Trillion dollars is such a ridiculous amount of cash. If it was all in crisp $100 bills, and your house had 2,000 sq-ft of living space, it would have to have a 180 foot high ceilings to hold it all.
If you were to spread that gigantic stack of cash evenly across a football field including the endzones, the stack would be roughly the same height as an average football player: 6'3"
corobo ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:43:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit
I wasn't picturing it well until this. That is a damn lot of cheddar
A trillion dollars would crush any reasonable bed. If you had $1T in hundred-dollar bills (10 million of them), the weight would be on the order of 10 tons of bills.
Actually, depending on the cost of that stuff you bought, wouldn't a day of interest on a trillion dollars amount to something pretty noteworthy? In other words, after a certain point, won't your ability to spend be a bottleneck towards diminishing the cash in your account?
Isord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:41:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think most savings accounts have like .1% interest. so you would actually get like a hundred million dollars a year even in a savings account.
I'm sure you couldn't actually just store a trillion dollars in a single savings account and expect that to work, but you get the point.
Here is mine: Mattress floors. "Yes, my floor is strange. It's a mattress. Where do I sleep you say? Wherever the pillows are, over there tonight, I guess, unless they get moved."
California kings are actually narrower than a regular king, so less room for you and your partner (or just yourself). The advantage of them is that they're LONGER so they're good for tall people.
Yeah but I got a trillion dollars so I'm turning a large room into my bedroom with a custom mattress whatever size I want. From the finest custom mattress makers, whoever they might be. If they don't exist then I guess I'll start the company.
Long live the Cal King! Wife wanted a queen, convinced her to get a Cal King, I think it is one of the few things she says I was right to change her mind about.
Mahcks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:29:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I knew about the longer part, not the narrower. TIL
Maybe the first time just because fuck it. Beyond that, give me the BedTube Urinal Tron 2000.
Mahcks ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:19:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lol I could hire an R&D team, or I could use one of these. Alternatively, Mattress Firm has same day delivery. I'll just donate my soiled mattresses for a tax write off because I'm sure that'll come in handy as a trillionaire.
My bathroom is all the way past the kitchen and through the hallway. It's always an intense battle to see if I want to put on underwear in the middle of the night or if I'm just gonna pee out my window.
With a trillion dollars you could just pee off the side of your bed every day and just buy a new house to replace it.
Every day.
For the rest of your life.
And you wouldn't even put a dent into your fortune.
EDIT : I did the math. If you assume a modest home price of $200,000 you could buy a new home every single day for 13,698 YEARS with a trillion dollars.
TLSG ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:38:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You don't need a trillion dollars to pee into a tube, man.
Clearly you've got a better health insurance deductable than I do then.
Inc88 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:15:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With a trillion dollars id just piss the bed then order a new one + new sheets everyday then spend money on the best shower/tub setup to wash off the rich piss boy shame.
_minthe ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:18:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have the same problem except for shits and when I want to go back to sleep I feel like I'm lying down in my own shit. Don't know how I'd feel literally shitting inside my bed tho
Just hire some hot girl (or guy, whatever you like) into whose mouth you can piss every morning right there in bed. For extra credit let it segue into a blowie.
TooMad ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:16:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would just piss, have a supermodel bring me to my luxury bathtub and give me a spongebath, get a new mattress delivered and have someone else make the bed with brand new everything, before I was done getting said spongebath.
If I had a trillion dollars, going to my toilet would be an experience I'd happily get out of bed for.
Id sit on my Giant panda skull bog-throne while high class hookers, dusted head to toe in cocaine, gargled and dripped champagne out of their mouths for a soothing water noise to get things started. Morgan freeman would personally narrate the labels of my shampoo bottles as I browse reddit on a gold plated iPad with maximum ass-fuckingly expensive memory options. A round of applause from the members of Coldplay when I complete my piss then I'll wipe my dick on the curtains because . . fuck you I'm rich is why.
Has anyone suggested a Texas Catheter? (I'm too lazy to read 50+ replies). It's basically a condom with a tube and a drainage bag. You can afford one without a trillion dollars. Plenty of hundredaires have them.
If you have a trillion dollars, you would only have to worry about putting on the one condom. Hell, you could pay one person to put it on for you after you were done having sex, or have an AI robot built to put it on for you. Hell, with a trillion dollars you could have a bed with sheets engineered to handle being peed in while still staying dry and clean.
I'd feel weird telling a girl "I'm gonna piss the bed in the morning, get used to it" even if I was rich. If she's the most understanding woman in the world, it'd still feel very infantile and embarrassing. Some things money can't buy.
At that point, you could hire someone to be your pee collector. No need to limit it to the morning bed dilemma, just have someone follow you around with a tube and container.
Yeah, but I have a trillion dollars. Why would I not want some high tech tube system that automatically flushes, deodorizes the surrounding air, and thanks me for my contribution?
st4n13l ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:53:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't know that it actually said "Thank You" once you peed into it. That's totally different. I'd pay a million bucks for someone to say Thank You as I peed on them.
Well, with practically unlimited cash I'd probably rather pay for something both reasonably discreet and very sophisticated. I'm imagining a sort of "tube urinal" that would be connected to the plumbing, able to flush, and completely hidden when not in use. Maybe with an embedded air freshener so there's no smell.
To be honest, I wish I had that now, even without the trillion.
I'd rather just soily bed and have servants roll me onto a new matress while I'm about to continue my beauty sleep, since I'll finally be beautiful because, you know, money.
I'd just pay someone to drink my piss so I wouldn't have to move.
I just realized I'd be a terrible person with 1 trillion dollars.
I mean I'm a terrible person now, but I hide parts of it so I can be employed. No need for money, no need to hide the terribleness.
We had people on deployment that just pissed in old gatorade bottles. Much cheaper than the elaborate plumbing and still effective. Also pretty gross maybe grosser than your idea.
Water bottle - 99ยข
Oil funnel - $2.99
Being able to lean off your bod and pee into the funnel into a water bottle then have someone come clean it up - priceless
Fuck that. I woke up with a trillion dollars. I'm getting up to go pee. In fact, I'm gonna go piss in my yard. I'll piss in my neighbor's yard; it's mine now. I'll piss all over the fucking neighborhood! I can afford to. Once everything has been claimed via piss-staking, I'll crawl back into my warm, toasty bed.
chux4w ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:56:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's harder than it sounds. There's some kind of mental block that will make it take longer to pee while lying in bed than to just get up and do it the old fashioned way.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:58:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
PRO-TIP: Just pee on the mattress. With a trillion dollars you can buy one of the Purple Mattress pads that would protect your mattress and hire 2 french maids to clean up.
KJ6BWB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:34:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2.5'-long 1"-diameter clear plastic tube from Lowes/Home Depot. An empty mayonnaise jar, a drill to cut a hole in the lid, and some duck tape. Problem solved? I've only thought about this for like 20 seconds and I think you could solve your problem for less than $10. Either that or train yourself to go use the toilet when you wake up. :)
Hokehs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just pee the bed and have 10/10 models wash you while someone gets you a new bed. You're rich as Fuck, don't over think it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:19:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They make a condom with a drain tube attached as a non-invasive catheter. Probably 20 bucks max, I've never bought one. TIL I'm still cheap with 1T dollars.
As someone who frequently has to do 24-hour urine collections, the people who suggest bedpans and Gatorade bottles are wrong. You want a collector like a funnel or portable urinal, attached to a tube that carries the urine away via plumbing. You do not want that shit to sit around until someone comes to take it away. And I'd rather pay a plumber $5,000 once to hook that up than pay a servant $20,000/year to come take my pee.
I call it the 'bed hole'. Basically it's just a soft trap door in the mattress connected to plumbing and it's large enough to accommodate morning wood. Yes I've thought about this plenty.
Just appoint a person who will hold it and get the job done while you lie in bed, have a button in your bed to call him/her in for the job.
People don't really think simple solutions anymore.
Pmar07 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:29:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Best response.
TurboMP ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:46:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My thought exactly. I'd go lay down for a nap right now. Work can wait.
In all reality though, I'd probably just pay off my modest house, buy a fun, modest sporty car (nothing too flashy), throw the rest in savings and just live for generations off the interest alone. Keep the money a secret so you don't get those cousins 3rd removed that suddenly want to be best friends.
Maybe go to the bank every Christmas and pay off the house of someone the tellers think needs the help and deserves the gesture, idk.
fessmm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:02:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahahahhahahahahahhahahahaha
TheToug ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:44:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the right answer. Sleep is where it's at. Not a matter of sleeping on stacks of money or any of that noise. Just sleep. Deal with all this money tomorrow.
xYike ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:20:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
get one of them super badass chocolate thickshakes from that underground chinese food court in sydney. Those are so damn good.
Edit: holy shit, this got far more popular than id expected. For those that are asking I am refering to the Dixon Street Food court Its a little underground food court, Not far from Paddys markets. Its a great little food court, I always try to visit every time I go to Sydney. as for the shop name itself I'm afraid I cant actually help you there, As I don't actually remember the name of the place Just the location (Ive been there twice in my entire life, Once each time ive visited Sydney in the last two years)
Edit 2:
Enter via the corner of Dixon Street and little Hay Street, and its right on your immediate right as you get down the stairs. Cant remember the name but thats its exact location.
Yea but they come with those weak straws that flatten out when you try to get any milkshake through them. They really oughta just serve them with a spoon
If that's 8 oz of shake that means that you'd be looking at 500 billion pounds of shake (not including cups) or 250 million tons of shake, or about the weight of 24,000 aircraft carriers, or half the entire weight of the human race.
Five Guys has really good milk shakes. You can get them flavored with the classics like chocolate, vanilla, or strawberry if that's all you're after. They are super tasty and not so huge that Wilford Brimley will be showing up at your door with supplies any time soon.
I've never measured it, but about an inch deep in a glass, then add one banana, vanilla ice cream, and milk. Use more/less alcohol to taste depending on how you like it.
Nah its cool mate, I live about 6-7 hours from sydney and go there occasionally for a holiday. The Milkshake was something I found during my random wanderings of the city.
b64-MR ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The new Air Force One that Trump was complaining about during the election has a price tag between 3.2 and 4bn.
Air Force One costs roughly $200,000/hr to operate, this figured included fuel, flight consumables and maintenance. The cost for a commercial airline is closer to the $35,000/hr mark, but we have a trillion dollars we don't want the peasant treatment.
At $200,000/hr it would cost about 1.753bn a year to operate, assuming 24/7 operation. Add in the 4bn for the initial cost you'd be short of 6bn a year.
Assuming you could manage just a 1% return on you 1tn that would be 10bn a year, so you'd still make 4 bn yearly if you bought a new plane decked out like Air Force One each year.
At 1 trillion dollars, you have a little over 1% of the gross world product. Assuming a well diversified portfolio, your return is probably going to roughly match the growth of that.
I'd like to be trillionaire buddies with you, you understand that happiness isn't having the biggest, mostest, bestest thing. It's just having the thing the is meaningful to you... Or at least to you taste buds and tummy. I'm sad I never heard about those thickshakes while I was still in Australia, now I want one (or a dozen).
Jinno ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, but if you're not in Sydney, you have to fly there anyway. May as well get a private jet and pilot to do the job on a private jet where you have a big screen TV, every game console, and a comfy bed.
You could, and you could have someone fly out ahead of you and set up your new condo exactly the way you like everything. It just seems like a pain in the ass.
I get cranky if my bookmarks aren't right, I can't imagine if I fly to Bali and my 'have you tried turning it off and on again' tshirt wasn't there when I got there. When you're that rich, the little things are what matter.
snorlz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
with that much money, youd easily have a team of personal assistants who knew your tastes
A trillion dollars is 5 fleets of 777s money with 5 reserve fleets of yachts to tour the world with all at the same time and not ever feel your wallet get tickled.
You could purchase 25 777s, not including any discounts you get from buying in bulk, tip the doorman 2 billion dollars, and still make out under 10B
I've heard this a few times, but honestly why would you need more than a pair of 777s, and maybe a pair of C130s to haul around the cars you might like to bring with you.
With a Trillion you don't need or want to make more money. Having a pair of them would eliminate the need of ever being left without one due to maintenance.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:41:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why would you want that many? Forget about using them or the upkeep. You'd have to have private international airports to store them. Which would bring down your total. You'd have to have teams of people and pilots just to keep them air worthy.
Two would be enough. I bet you could buy Madagascar though.
You're gonna want a custom one, though, so it's gonna be a 2-year wait until you have your custom airliner. Even a ton of money can't speed up building a fucking huge, bespoke house in the sky.
You definitely don't understand what a trillion dollars can buy you.
If you double the asking price to 648 million Boeing will put on three shifts and have it done in a week. keep in mind there is probably a complete one siting on factory floor right now, you just have to gut the cabin and have people come in to do the coach work inside.
Then go on Turo and rent out your 777 to make money
moriero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What about the internets, though?! You cannot pwn noobs with a 1000 ms ping!
Najd7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's fucking-buy-all-aerospace-companies money, not just buy a cheap 777.
Amator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:49:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, you could be like the billionaire guy in Contact whose houseplane only lands to refuel, except now you're a trillionaire so you can probably get both a solar plane and a few solar drones to keep a security parameter at all times.
You can also buy a fleet of C130 Tanker conversions and continuously midair refuel. I'm sure after enough time though you'd need to land for maintenance.
Amator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:39:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Either that or buy two aircraft carriers that each have a couple of C130s--keep one in the Pacific and one in the Atlantic. When it's time for maintenance, you land on your aircraft carrier and take one of the identical private jets--just have your servants carry over your luggage and exotic pets to the other jet and take off again.
That's "live in your private 777 while refueling in the air and never touching the dirty peasant ground again" money.
Neolife ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:17:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's not just private 777 money. That's new private 757 every day for 34 years money.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:37:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LOL Trump's 757 with gold plated everything and rolls royce engines is 100 million. You could buy his plane 10000 of his planes with a trillion dollars.
I bet with that money I could modify the cargo bag door to make room for a container to house my Aston Martin. And something nondescript to get around incognito, like a mazda 3 or A4. Flying apt with garage and see the world. I think your idea is the best on the thread.
I'm sure you could but you could have CG issues say if your Aston breaks free and decides to roll back to the door of the plane. money can't save you from death.
Although I bet Cirrus could do something for you with enough money. They are the company that make those private plane parachutes for single seaters. The plane is destroyed in the process but the pilot lives.
You're right, but when you have a trillion dollars you don't need a plane with a belly full of toys with wheels. You have another one to tote them around.
Ignoring legal issues, that's money to bankroll the development of an entirely new class of plane just to support your lifestyle. Buy AirBus and Boeing and buy off the regulators in the EU and the US who would scream "monolpoly! Anti-trust!". Then build whatever plane you want, and finance airport expansions around the world just to accommodate it. A few billion, and you can have a large private jet no problem. A trillion, and you can have all the jets.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:19:19 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
777.... What a fucking peasant, that's gold plated 787 money.....
Actually the 777 is 92K more than the 787 and has slightly more range. It is a few mph slower though. It's also got a wider cabin, longer overall, and wins in every category that matters. As for gold plating, I'm just not that much of a douche. Or should I say it's not that YUGE a deal to me.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:38 on March 11, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You would be that much of a douche with a trillion dollars.
You could literally buy an entire city, burn it to the ground, and still make money that year.
You could literally do anything you want. You could buy a fucking country.
I'm not that ostentatious. Even with a trillion dollars. I wouldn't want a gold plated anything.
To be fair all I would do is pump a couple of billion dollars into robotics and a couple billion into consciousness transferal so that I could live forever in a body that couldn't break down.
777 money? Shit, that's 747 with a custom F16 docking bay to allow you to joyride out of the tail midflight and then redock when you get tired of barrel rolling money.
The F16 wingspan is ~12 feet wider than the 747 body width, but that's not a problem that throwing half a billion at won't fix!
I'm actually a licensed pilot, so trust me, I know.
... 1 trillion dollars is a lot of money though. It's not just "fuck you" money, it's "fuck any and every problem I may ever come across in anything I want to do" money.
Plus, I mean, come on. You wouldn't want to be able to joy ride a bit during the more tedious bits of your international flights?
A licensed pilot you say? So you see no problem hitting an opening only slightly wider than a modified (seriously?) f16 through the wake turbulence created by a 747? Better still you have no problem with impeller stall when you somehow try to push the f16 out of a 747 doing 400 knts?
Money can solve a lot of problems but not that's beyond the pale.
Since the 2 recently contracted 747's to serve as AF1 with all of their fancy and special modifications is ~4.2 billion, it wouldn't be out of the question to commission a specifically designed 747 with a wider tail to accommodate the F16 wingspan for no more than $5b, I'd think. You're telling me Airbus can make something as ugly as the Beluga fly but Boeing can't make me a 40 foot wide docking bay tail??
With an ILS-like system configured with much tighter tolerances and a type of "system linkage" between an F16 autopilot/autoland system and such a system, it could probably rigged up to get into tight formation and then initiate an auto-dock sequence.
A 747-400's NTOW Vmc is ~250knts and Vs is 205, so it would be very feasible to drop to at least 250, or a bit lower with flaps during undocking and docking procedures. The lower speed/engine thrust would also make it easier for the "auto-dock" system.
An F16 isn't exactly a glider, but can glide enough to be able to initiate an engine start after undocking and after you nose down and stabilize, eliminating the impeller stall issue. Sure, you don't really want to preflight your engine while you're already flying, but in the event of engine failure, dead stick it if over land, or if over water (probably recommended with this configuration), eject. What's a measily $20m to replace the plane?
You want to dump an f16 out of a moving 747 at 250 knts without it being lit off? The FAA would get wind of that and have a heart attack. IF everything worked perfectly. Most likely she would pitch back and the wake turbulence would tear the wings off, or at least flip the thing over put it into a spin and you would black out before ever lighting the candle.
Have you ever seen that mythbusters episode where they move a car behind one that is doing a run up? Money can't change the laws of physics
The only feasible (and I use that word very loosely) would actually be some kind of tether assembly. Where the plane is lowered out the back... jesus, I'm sorry that's just stupid, the plane wouldn't be able to fly in time it would roll the 747 on her back and everyone would crash and die.
I'll thank you for the mental exercise, and allow you to have your dream. Enjoy.
It wouldn't be hard to purchase a 777 with a trillion. Look into operating costs. These threads are always filled with people talking about outlandish purchases with no thought to the cost after the initial investment.
You have no concept of a trillion dollars. You could buy an airline and ground all the planes with a trillion. A triple 7 is 320 mil. with an M. It costs around 9K per hour to run. So with a single billion you could fly around the world for the life of the plane on the interest that billion makes.
dude... a trillion dollars isn't just tophat rich. it's not even tophat and monocle rich.
that's 'real life bond villain' rich. on just interest alone at standard savings account rates you would be the 15th largest GDP in the world, ahead of mexico.
if you invested it agressively(say, call up bill gates' people) you would easily be one of the top ten largest economies in the world, probably between india and italy.
the operating costs on a 777 wouldn't even make a dent in the interest you would gain per second, nevermind if you actually tried to grow the money.
that's enough money you could destabilize stock markets without even trying.
uyuye ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:21:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you could buy 3,000 of them. do you know how much a trillion is you fuck
I've been to this shady chocolate thick shake place. It's quite underground. Lots of great deals, you can get 12 spring rolls for $6 (AUD). I don't go there since I found a fingernail in my fried rice. The thick shakes are pretty damn good though.
I've been to this shady chocolate thick shake place. It's quite underground. Lots of great deals, you can get 12 spring rolls for $6 (AUD). I don't go there since I found a fingernail in my fried rice. The thick shakes are pretty damn good though.
In the States they call them chocolate milkshakes. Down under, milkshakes are just milk, not ice cream.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:26:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, milkshakes still have icecream in them in Australia, just not as much as a thick shake. Like, they're still mostly liquid where as thickshake is a lot harder to get up the straw.
rmphys ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Down under, milkshakes are just milk, not ice cream.
I'm confused. So "Australian Thickshake"="American Milkshake" but "Australian Milkshake"="American Milk"...do you at least shake the plain milk?
I've been to this shady chocolate thick shake place. It's quite underground. Lots of great deals, you can get 12 spring rolls for $6 (AUD). I don't go there since I found a fingernail in my fried rice. The thick shakes are pretty damn good though.
Hello yes, one medium size country please, extra resources and a extra large helping of trade agreements. How much for international esteem on the side?
As did I the first time i went to sydney. It was olny by chance on the second visit that place that i felt like a milkshake and got one with food, it was amazing.
Eivad69 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:21:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you talking about Eating World - cos they have some damn good thick ramen (link)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:30:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I can't believe they forgot that awesome name. Eating World is my favourite just due to the name! Even though Dixon and Market city arguably have better food.
You should try the Hub Central's concrete shakes on Broadway. So thick they have a really wide straw so you can suck it up. They have crazy flavour like Nutella and cheesecake that taste exactly like them.
No. It does. What the hell does "that much" mean to you. I'm lucky if I can eat out once a month.
syro23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:29:47 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
well since we were talking about a trillion dollars I meant seeing the world doesn't cost one trillion dollars. People often complain that its too expensive but then they go spend their money elsewhere. For a lot of people it is an affordable thing if you make it a priority.
I'm not sure if'd quit my job (immediately). I like what I'm doing, that's why I choosed my occupation. It's also structuring my life pretty well, for example when to stand up, eat & stuff.
Honest question out of curiosity (assuming you are from US): do you not get a passport after the age of ~15? If not - what do you usually use for identification? Is this state specific? And what happens if you go to other state and need to identify yourself?
Thanks!
JMT97 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:13:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You have to buy a passport in the United States. After about 15 you are expected to have a driver's permit or driver's license that is used as Government approved ID.
I don't think you have to, no. After you turn 16, most people get their drivers license. Drivers license are state specific and also serve as your state ID. Each license is valid in all 50 states, and each license is usually slightly different--but all the important stuff is the same. Passports are less common because people in the states don't cross country lines very often.
I'm from Texas so my license has a picture of my state on it. If you don't get a drivers license you can get a state ID which is basically the same, you just can't legally drive with it.
A common practice in underage drinking is getting a fake ID from a different state. If I show someone in Texas a New York ID, they're probably not going to know exactly what it should look like.
Thanks for the detailed response, it does help! Will ask a bit more, if you don't mind :)
So pretty much everyone must have a drivers license? (What if they are on disability?) Is it easy to get drivers license?
Here I had to drive ~30hours with instructor here and had 3 exams (theory -> parking practice -> driving practice) before getting a license. Some of the people I know gave up because the requirements were really strict. People normally get passport once they turn 15 and change it every 5-10 years (depending on your age).
The requirements are different for each state. For my state at age 16 you could take a written test to get your learners permit. With the permit you could only drive with a parent or an approved driving instructor in your car and no one else.
After 6 months of this you were eligible to take the test for your drivers license. During these 6 months I took a drivers ed class at my high school after school hours. It met for about 1.5-2 hours after school each day for about 2-3 weeks. This class wasn't required but your insurance would be lower if you took it so most people did.
When you finally went to take your license test you had to take the written test again in addition to the actual road test.
Even when you got your actual license there were still restrictions for awhile. For the first 6 months you can only drive alone or with a parent. After 6 months you could have siblings in the car and after a year you could finally drive friends and everyone else. If you got your license after you were already 18 these last few restrictions don't apply.
You don't need to have a drivers license though. You can also get a state issued ID that is just an ID and nothing more. I had to get one of these before I had a license for a school trip to California because I didn't have a passport at the time.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:28:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like they're from Australia, if they're buying thickshakes in Sydney. But the answer is much the same - Licence is accepted as ID, passport is only needed if you're planning to travel internationally.
I am from Australia and here it is more common to get a Drivers Licence than a Passport as we cannot travel to another country without getting on a plane, which is expensive.
Drivers license in Australia is Identification no mater the state.
penea2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i mean if we are being real probably get all sorts of insane food. One of those large dumpling challenge things, a burger challenge perhaps, a gigantic bowl of pho. I'd just go around the world eating amazing fucking food and it would be glorious.
I'd go to work. I'd keep going to work. I just wouldn't care at all about the salary, and wouldn't give a fuck if things didn't go well (I'd leave then). I'd also start taking longer vacations, maybe a sabbatical every now and then, etc.
Or maybe I'd just ramp up my own business instead.
I guess I'm saying that I work for more than just money.
I volenteer a lot in my free time as is, so id probably keep doing that after A nice holiday, But id really like a holiday as ive had a 3 day holiday in the last 3 years.
Get a passport irregardless. A passport is a wonderful thing to have, not because you can't travel without it, but because with it, you have the freedom to travel.
Unless you have an Afghan passport. Then just seek asylum somewhere
Is that at Paddy's market? Is that a new thing? I lived in Sydney in 2006-2007 but I don't recall ever hearing about that and we'd regularly go to the market
Its not far from Paddys, Across the road through the chinatown gate, go about a block in and off to the side, Find the Dixon Street food court. Its a small underground food court but its a hidden gem.
I'm gonna struggle to find it since I haven't been in Australia for a decade now, but cheers dude. I wish I knew of this place back then (if it was indeed there then). I just remember becoming addicted to Bubble tea (easyway, baby!!) in Sydney and ai think the first branch we ever saw was near Paddy's
I know its possible, but when im struggling to find money for Car Registration and Tyres traveling the world is a little out of my grasp at this moment.
Enter via the corner of Dixon Street and little Hay Street, and its right on your immediate right as you get down the stairs. Cant remember the name but thats its exact location.
Lots of great food places down there too.
priceys ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:19:00 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah! I've heard its good around there, thanks man!
Airyll ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:24:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know that food court well! Lots of cheap yum Asian food too. I've had that exact thick shake too. You're priorities are spot on
Im Australian. Its a lot of money to fly anywhere that isnt South East Asia, and i do not have lots of money :( Unless i get this trillion dollars tomorrow.
Dude!!! Yes!!! There's a Mexican/Chinese fusion place in that tiny food court that does amaaaazing Chinese burritos. It has the word "boy" in the name...
I feel you. Its been nearly 24 hours since i posted. still dont have a milkshake. There are no longer boys in my yard. Things are getting dire. Awaiting one trillion dollars.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:28:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You don't need a passport when you're a billionaire let alone a trillionaire...
I dont think ive ever been to a resort, lol. Hotels are for sleeping and storing shit you bought until you are going home.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:33:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or just not that rich/privileged?
Travel is expensive, especially from Australia. If its their priority, they'll get to do it one day.
But cost of living is pretty high in Sydney, and sometimes people have other responsibilities (I know plenty of people here who have kids and are struggling to make ends meet when with two working adults - they wouldn't be able to afford much travel).
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:00:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:34:04 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude said he would travel, you said he should just do that now. I called you out on it and this reply has absolutely nothing to do with that.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:42:02 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:18:55 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, I've traveled. I've been privileged enough to earn enough to travel. Not everyone has that privilege. It's not as easy as "you want to travel? Just do it!". That's what I called you out on.
winch25 ยท 1561 points ยท Posted at 14:54:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Delete Facebook, hire a lawyer, hit the gym.
[deleted] ยท 1262 points ยท Posted at 17:33:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
oh man the worldwide salt would be glorious. Imagine the millions of people who lost family photos and whatnot
SkyKiwi ยท 99 points ยท Posted at 21:26:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fair point, can't fix stupid.
How about entirely cripple Facebook. Make it so people can only view their own profiles. That way you effectively remove Facebook as a thing that people will ever have reason to use, and they have all the time in the world to save anything they uploaded.
Not like you can't afford to keep some servers running, especially since Facebook's traffic would tank by 99.999% (With a margin of error by 99.999%).
JezzaN1 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 00:24:13 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be perfectly honest, 95% of the time i'm only using it as a free chat / messenger service so this wouldn't worry me all that much.
SwenKa ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 20:57:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
$100 to have them restored. Make a good chunk of it back, at least to pay the data peeps, while providing a cheap lesson to others about backing their shit up.
I'm from a country that uses the long billion, so with a trillion dollars, buying and deleting facebook wouldn't even put a dent on my account ;)
Check mate atheists
funny thread aside: i imagine some do, but facebook acts as their backup. I mean, I keep mine in google drive, the odds of facebook suddenly dissapearing are about the same as google drive. Cant really blame them.
Holy shit. I mean even if you somehow gave them notice to save photos, memories, etc before it was shut down, can you imagine the shit storm as Google+ finally sees an opening, Yahoo tries to force a migration into a revamped tumblr which obviously just kills the site entirely, Focus on the Family announces their new platform, Faithbook, and AOL smugly reminds us that they have 2.2 million new subscribers every year.
Then once the price is up, drop it all and tank the stock, then rince and repeat, Facebook loses all its money trying to buy back stock.
barfsfw ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 20:02:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the best idea on the thread. You would throw the world into chaos.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:16:53 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
tahnks
Cyno01 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 20:29:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now were talking! Finally seeing some big idea thinking here. I mean for this kind of money you could buy Coke and Pepsi and start putting Pepsi in Coke cans and Coke in Pepsi cans...
[The Mexican] central bank revealed it had already blown through $2 billion of reserves in a largely futile effort to shield the peso from a steady stream of anti-Mexico Tweets from Donald Trump.
[Mexican currency traders suggested] instead of spending its precious reserves to defend the peso, Mexico should just buy Twitter Inc. -- at a cost of about $12 billion -- and immediately shut it down.
the casino would refuse to allow the bet. they would have no way to cover a 21:1 payout. (1:1 means you double your money on a win, which is what i was thinking of)
you made my minute. ยฉ Flexible 2017-2017 (Note that you can't say or write "you made my minute." if you do so, your casino will be taken away from you)
to be frank, buying a casino seems like a really smart way to gamble. i mean, every hour, someone's gonna win a million dollars. most of the time it'll be the casino.
25% of the government budget, and it would be the government that have to foot the bill considering they can't force companies or people to pay for it out of their own money.
Their country would struggle immensely if they had to give $1 trillion away to a gambler.
CJB95 ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 18:11:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But would they refuse before or after the bet? From what I hear about casinos they'd likely allow it but if you won refuse to honor it but if you lost take it all.
there's not enough paper currency in the world to cover more than a few billion of that.
and nobody walks into a casino with even a million in cash.
honestly, i'd be surprised if a lot of really big high rollers even transfer cash at the start - the casino will happily give a billionaire a line of credit for a few million if he can prove he can transfer the cash to pay up.
(honestly, most people worth 100 million or more don't even pay out of pocket for stuff, they run 100% on credit with their assets tied up in trust.)
They'd not take the bet. They likely wouldn't take a billion dollar bet either. But they would take a million dollar bet a million times.
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 18:38:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For some reason this is the craziest explanation of the amount of money that a trillion dollar is to me. I might never make 1 million dollars in my lifetime, and I'd have to multiply that by a million to have a trillion. Wild stuff
You probably will make more than a million dollars, especially if you went to college.
bb999 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:05:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
By the time we are old a million dollars won't be so exotic anymore due to inflation. Plenty of people will be millionaires. You probably will if you save up for retirement properly.
Yup, just like we're counting all that money that you never saw because it direct deposited to your bank just a few days before auto-paying back out of your bank to cover rent, water, electricity, gas, internet, cellphone, and all the other stuff you're not-technically-required-to-have-but-definitely-do-anyways
To be fair, all those things are way more optional than paying taxes.
But my point was not to complain about taxes but point out that when it comes to "making a million dollars over X amount of time" take home pay vs not take home pay makes a huge difference and has vastly different meaning in actual wealth especially when you consider someone might be positioned far more tax advantageously and thus "make" less money but take home a greater amount by making their money via investments etc.
For example, someone making a regular salary of 100,000 will make 1 million in 10 years by this definition and will take home 760k.
Someone making 100k a year on investments with no othe rincome will make 1 million in 10 years by this definition but will take home 923k
take home pay vs not take home pay makes a huge difference and has vastly different meaning in actual wealth
I understand what you're saying, and I agree, I just wanted to add that I think the same thing happens with cost-of-living as it does with taxes. Someone who lives in NYC or LA will spend so much more of their income on rent than someone in the rural midwest, so while they might 'make their first million' faster, they spent all of it so quickly that they ultimately have less wealth.
out of curiosity, what's the max before you legally need to fill out the forms for tax purposes? i hear for small amounts it's a 'you should but you don't have to' kinda deal but i dunno what the dividing line is.
AFAIK, table games (blackjack, roulette, craps) you don't have to fill out a W2-G for the IRS. The casinos usually want you to for their bean counters, though.
I've won $1200-$1800 in a single sitting, and the pit boss smiled and said. "Remember to pay your taxes on that!"
and here i thought you'd have to fill out the forms when you cash out. i've doubted a lot of casinos will hand you a stack of money when you go over a thousand bucks.
I hit this parlay on my bachelor party last year and the cashier just said 'congrats, nice hit', handed me the cash from that and the couple other bets I hit on. High anxiety for a short while until I could put most of it in the hotel safe.
I wouldn't be so fast to say that. Sure the casino can't pay the bet but the expected value of the bet is $500b. Legally I'm sure they wouldn't be allowed to take the bet, but financially it might be the best option for the casino.
The casino only makes money when it lands on green. This requires lots of spins to guarantee you'll get the money from greens. One spin is just gambling your money. Casinos, ironically, don't gamble.
The inside bets normally pay 35-1 when there are 37 or 38 numbers on the wheel so they have an inherent advantage there as well.
It can actually be a complex question if you wanted it to be. You're looking at an expected value of well over 100 years net income for big casinos with only the value of the casino + parent company at stake. It's like buying a lotto ticket at a 99% discount.
And even with that, the casino could "easily" hedge a lot of the risk. Hell if they did this the bet would likely only be a small part of the financial wheel.
Depends. The Casino would have the advantage in playing "cheap". They can only wager the business assets which, even with a large parent company, would be valued far far below the ~$500b expected value of the bet.
If the goal of the business is to stay in business then absolutely the bet is foolish. But if the goal of the company is to make money then you might want to take the bet.
edit: the expected value is higher than $500b for the casino because of the green spaces as well**
If you wanted to bet a trilly on roulette at the casino you could do it for sure. It would just take them several months most likely to get it set up. They'd just sell off most of the action to other entities (like large reinsurance companies) in exchange for a small percentage of the stake.
because the 1:1 payout means you get back your bet plus a matching amount.
effectively a doubling of your money. i worded that wrong, sorry.
Aeceus ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:20:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes I know that, but its not 2:1. They just need to match your bet they don't need 2 trillion just 1. I'm sure a payday loan team will sort them out for 1 trill!
1 of the 2 trillion they need to pay out is the 1 trillion that you put on the table. Once you place that bet, it's the casino's money, not yours. That's why it's 2:1.
Aeceus ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:22:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What the fuck are you on about. Roulette red and black is a 1:1 bet. Whatever you bet they return it with an equal amount. If he bets 1 trillion and wins they pay over 1 trillion of their money. He ends up with 2 trillion. The odds are 1:1 please use maths and Google.
You're right. It's even money, or 1/1. Possibly confusing things is that using digital rather than fractional oddsโ it would be 2.0, which means the same thing but looks like more.
Guess it depends on your terminology. I've always worked under the idea that winning say, a 6:1 bet on $100 pays you $600. i.e. You lose $100 to make the bet, then gain $600 if you win. You seem to be working with the idea that winning a 6:1 bet earns you $500 and you get to keep your bet. I've never thought of it like that, because you don't get hold on to your money while the outcome of the wager is being determined (e.g. a sports bet that will take several hours or more to determine).
Under that terminology, a 1:1 bet would be pointless, because winning the bet would pay you back exactly how much money you bet, leaving you with 0 winnings, while losing would take all your money.
It's the difference between 1for 1, or 1 to 1. In the US roulette pays 1 TO 1.
Craps (called bets) pays * FOR 1. (* payout changes, depending on the bet.)
The dealer would point to the "Maximum Bet" sign and would take whatever amount that is away from the 1 trillion if a black or green number hit, or they would pay out that maximum bet amount if a red number hit.
Aoloach ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:15:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So you just put the maximum bet amount on red over and over until you have 2 trillion, or nothing.
Buy the casino, put 500 billion in its bank. Go in and bet 500 billion on red, if you win, you go down in history as someone who won 500 billion in a casino and bankrupted it. If you lose, you go down in history as the owner of the casino that had a 500 billion dollar profit last year.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:14:42 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's not that they would refuse the bet, but most table game's have a maximum bet. The roulette table at the casino i work at has a maximum of $2500. Then blackjack and the other games have a max of 10 grand.
Roulette wheels have min /max bets. The most you'd be able to bet is 1k per spot. You could request a roulette wheel opened in high limit if that casino had one (doubtful), or ask to make that wheel private for you and up the limit. With that kind of money, I'm sure they'd let you. No way you're getting anywhere over 30k before they decide to ask you to leave.
Sum total of the wealth of all people in the world is ~241 trillion. That's essentially 15 percent of the entire wealth of everyone in the world, in one payout.
jt3611 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just did this on my birthday. Hit the casino for lunch and decided "eh, why not put something on red, fuck it". My co-worker, for shits and giggles, put 20 on black. We laughed and said it would be funny if it hit green. Sure as shit it hit double zeros. I wasn't even mad, I laughed the rest of the day.
That is so stupid, you buy the casino, and all the other idiots that believe they have a 50:50 chance of winning when it is actually stacked slightly in your favor, then pay you every time they lose.
Unless you rolled a 1 in luck at birth. Even then the odds are incredibly impossible to lose the 900 billion it would take to drop you down to 11 figures
Go when it is not happier hour. Treat yo self, you're a trillionaire.
jcb088 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 18:16:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like between paying your loan online and heading up the street to taco bell to get that griller would be your moment of breathing. Part of it would be letting go of every financial concern you've ever had (and ever will have) and the other part would be accepting whats happened. It'd be such a quiet and mundane moment, with nothing exciting going on and yet, at the same time, it'd be very surreal.
Dreaming is fun but ruling that moment out is dangerous. Don't limit yourselves guys.
Maybe pay off everyones student loans? You could not only resolve our generations debt, but you would fuck over the system and the people running the system who ultimately make more money when our whole generation is still in debt. No extra money from interest adding up, who collection agencies go out of business, hell the whole debt market goes down the shit hole. And you can laugh while driving around your new sports car.
K-Matt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:27:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Literally in a taco Bell line waiting on my 2 loaded grillers right now
Oh yeah this reminds me. I'd probably just get fat. If I could afford to eat out. like fuck traveling and owning shit, i'd be sampling every restaurant in my city.
Or you could just not pay off your student loans and say fuck you to the establishment. With that much money going in debt wouldn't limit your ability to do anything.
He edited it since you read it. Originally it only said he would pay off his student loans.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:58:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ehm... you can tell when a comment has been edited - it'll show a *. So no, this comment hasn't been edited, at least not between the time you and I read it.
You just seem to have missed the obvious joke.
sg7791 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:40:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's a period of time when you can edit without the * showing up. I think it's a minute. If you ever see people talking about ninja edits, that's what they're referring to.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:56:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I get that. What this guy is saying is that between when he read it and I, OP had edited their comment. Given that OP's comment was 2 hours old at the time of my writing, and I responded about 15 minutes after this guy, that just doesn't add up.
This really is starting to get bigger than it deserves to be, haha.
?!?! What consequence could you possibly suffer if you refused to pay off your student loans??
If everyone would just refuse to pay off their student loans, we would make some progress in tuition reform. Here you are screwing it up for everyone else for no reason.
You should be spending that money on a campaign to encourage everyone to refuse to pay their student loans.
Yeah I agree, you would have so much cash buying power your credit would mean very little if you weren't planning on buying a skyscraper or something. Fuck the government I wouldn't pay either. Or I would pay in so much change they would be forced to hire people just to sort out my money. Oh and I'd throw like, 10k worth of European coins or pesos or whatever just to make sure they did it right.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:58:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put arrangements in place for my loved ones and snort cocaine off a hooker in the ISS before coming back to earth with a kind of inverted bucket list, by which I mean see how much crazy shit I can do before it kills me.
larik47 ยท 1159 points ยท Posted at 14:49:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Read that as "put arrangements in place for my loved ones to snort cocaine off a hooker in the ISS" and marvelled at your oddly specific generosity.
321232 ยท 209 points ยท Posted at 17:53:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
hello its me, your loved ones.
pwnz0rd ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:42:46 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
hey yea so i know we have a tough history with that whole me pwning noobs all the time thing but i am family and i think i deserve an ISS trip
Dude forget that, we have an Armageddon situation here. Do you find an astronaut who is willing to be a prostitute or do you get a prostitute and train her to be an astronaut? "Looking for blond, DD, must have PhD. and knowledge of ISS docking procedures both literally and metaphorically."
larik47 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 19:04:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pornhub already looked into the logistics and they decided to go with train pornstars for space rather than get a flight ready astronaut to be in the porno.
If any of my relatives set aside funding on the stipulation that it be used for exactly that purpose, I don't think I could even be mad. I'd just chuckle and say, "Uncle Paul, you were always one crazy motherfucker, even after you found Jesus. Rest in peace."
Jainith ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:24 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In order to inherit the remainder of my cash you must complete these 3 remainder of my bucket list.
If my idea was crazy enough to kill me, its only fair that it kill a few more claimants in the process.
Yeah, I don't think that would work. Either the cocaine would drift off of the hooker, or she is so greasy the coca in would be in chunks which stuck to her. You could lick it off of her I guess.
Perhaps if she is dry and clean you could have a cocaine motorboat where the cocaine drifts off of her boobs into the air and then you inhale the dust. Or she runs through the ISS and you chase after her snorting little puts off cocaine she leave behind. Or, I guess you could just huff the bag....
Wouldn't the cocaine be affected by the lack of gravity? It would be hard to keep it in a line and on the hookers ass without it floating all over the place
madsci ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:49:33 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your hooker just needs a good electrostatic charge to hold the cocaine.
Also, this is a trillion dollars we're talking about. No need to confine yourself to a line. Fill the BEAM module with coke, charge up the hooker to about 100 kV with a Van de Graaff generator, and pick a spot to snort.
Trying to figure out a way to keep some of it. There has obviously been a mistake, so I would assume it would be corrected within 24hrs.
Anybody got any pointers on how to move about large sums of money very quickly?
I suppose you'd want to bounce it from account to account, preferably among different banks in different countries to make it a giant legal hassle to trace it.
You'd probably have to do this with quite small amounts though, pretty sure they'll get all sorts of warnings if you try to move millions at once.
But then what? Purchase Bitcoin?
...or just put it all into Bitcoin right away and just disappear?
Well, TIL that I would suck at money laundering...
CJB95 ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 18:13:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You joke but I remember in a movie they were laundering money so they threw it into a dryer with a bunch of poker chips. (I think it was a Lethal Weapon)
Laundromats are trashy. A nice car wash is where it's at.
ahoogen ยท 391 points ยท Posted at 14:57:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That actually happened to a friend of mine... Got a bank letter saying his deposit of 8 billion dollars was being held for 72 hours. It was, as you suggested, a bank error.
I didn't know interest rates were that low these days.
Edit: I was making a joke, but I checked, and that wasn't a mistake! According to CNN, as of October 2013, the US average savings interest rate was 0.06%. Not 6% (0.06). 0.06%! Sixty cents a year on every thousand dollars you have in the bank!
jeffh4 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:29:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sadly, the IRS never got the second note so your buddy is doing 2,452,725 years to life in Leavenworth.
I'd love to see a scan of that bank letter!
[deleted] ยท 141 points ยท Posted at 15:59:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bitcoins aren't really anonymous. In fact, the bitcoin system works with a public ledger. It would be easy enough to trace. The only anonymous part is that you don't know which wallet belongs to who , but I think that should be easy to pinpoint when you follow the money in and out.
[deleted] ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 17:31:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is there even a trillion dollars in bitcoin to buy? Would buying so much lower or increase the value of bitcoin. I'd assume increase but what do i know?
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 20:06:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Increase when buying, decrease when selling
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:19:12 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, there's only like $20 billion of bitcoin, and if you bought it all it'd be worth nothing. That'd be a pretty terrible solution to that problem.
GMY0da ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:55:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Even using a mixer, a trillion of bitcoin is hard to hide
jbs143 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 18:36:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Based on the replies to your question, either nobody else knows, or anybody who does is smart enough to not post how. I know that banking regulations are incredibly biased in favor of financial institutions, so they would legally have like 2 years to reverse those funds.
I think your best bet would be a multitude of cashiers checks, but I feel like most bank managers would not issue those when they saw a recent $1 trillion deposit, as it is obviously some sort of mistake.
You could possibly convince them if you went into a branch and made a deal with the manager to write every employee there a $10 million cashiers check, provided they gave you yours first.
Also, you couldn't actually spend it all, since you would bankrupt even the largest financial institutions long before you got close to spending it, even if they did agree to give you cashiers checks.
Oh yeah, I know there's no way to keep it all. I was thinking more along the lines of taking a large enough share to never ever have to worry about money again and live extremely comfortable the rest of your life even when you pretty much just exiled yourself.
Let's say of the total amount you could hide away 100 million or so. That's only 1/10,000th of the total amount but still a ridiculous amount of money.
Where woukd you even begin? It's not like you can plan anything in advance, as it's just an unexpected banking error. So without prep work, and assuming you have about 24h before they find out and correct the mistake, how could you take a large chunk of money and succesfully make it disappear?
.01% annual interest on 1 trillion is 27,000 a day.
KJ6BWB ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:00:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ok, first of all there are companies who specialize in doing this sort of thing for their clients. So you don't try to figure out how to do this all yourself, you hire one of those companies. (This is where the Panama Papers came from, when one of those companies had their files leaked.) Right now the world leaders in this sort of thing can be found in London. No, not London proper, the City of London inside of London.
I sometimes wonder whether or not they had anything to do with Brexit -- if the EU wasn't curtailing some of the prerogatives that they'd enjoyed for so long. Anyway, if you want to launder money, do what everyone else does when they have a big job that needs doing -- hire a professional.
With 1 trillion, you'll be hiring a few companies to hire more of those companies for you
mfb- ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:34:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you want to move less than a million at once, you need millions of transactions. There is no way to do with an automated system designed for exactly this purpose, with tons (millions?) of bank accounts set up in advance and so on. Doesn't work. And the bank will certainly make you responsible for abusing such an obvious mistake (assuming it is one). Enjoy jail if they get you.
This would tank bitcoin, wouldn't it? Essentially throwing your money away.
Kralcyt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:07:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Someone could establish shell corporations and repeatedly buy and sell them to each other. Once someone had created a long enough trail, someone could move funds into either DPPs or forward contracts to be paid out in another currency and at a later date. Alternatively, someone could move the funds into a series of block trades on various exchanges.
Well laundering it is one way, but people can't take stuff from you if you have more guys with guns than anyone trying to take your money.
So go to a secluded island and hire as many mercenaries as you can. Some tanks, Artillery, hell for that kinda money some ICBMs and you can tell any IRS agent that comes your way to suck a dick.
Yes they do. Anti money laundering legislation is serious business.
Kralcyt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:30:43 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone who works for a financial institution has to sign an AML agreement. Also, the fee to move money is very low, so I don't know where you're getting that "exorbitant" fee.
gwarsh41 ยท 107 points ยท Posted at 14:52:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If it was a legitimate source of money, like random inheritance or winnings?
I would call into work on personal matters, as would my wife, and we would plan things out. They would most likely be as follows.
Jump up and down like idiots for a few hours.
Plan our resignations.
Legal advice.
planning to spread wealth.
Resignation from job in spectacular way.
Probably travel for a few years and just do whatever we want.
I like this idea. Imagine it,.. London Symphony Orchestra conducted by John Williams, and Dame Kiri Te Kanawa warbling out 'Take This Job And Shove It' as you tell your pointy-haired boss to do one.
Neolife ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 19:07:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You might be able to spend a few billion on that, and then the "spreading wealth" could make many people very wealthy. Spending $100,000 every day for 50 years is only $2 billion. That's about 0.2% of your wealth.
You could buy a new Boeing 757 EVERY DAY for 34 years with that kind of money, assuming instead of selling it you just dump it in the ocean.
Oh yeah, I have no illusions on being able to spend a trillion bucks. I also don't want to own a country or company. I would be happy with making my immediate family members millionaires, then doing whatever I wanted whenever I wanted for my life.
... maybe donating a new boeing 757 or two to help a coral reef, or however that works lol.
There are ways to spend a lot of money fast. I'd buy/invest for 3 gen 4 nuclear reactors for every state. That'd be around $500 Billion or so.
Neolife ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:11:01 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Speaking with my friend, he had the idea of installing high speed rail nationwide. Ends up running about $500B.
Jainith ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:12 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With either of these options I assume the other $500B is for gigantic statues in your likeness* , lauding you as the "new founder of our great nation".
*Also one gigantic statue of a shark (with fricking lasers) to be placed in the duck pond...because of an old inside joke.
TSEAS ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:03:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sad I had to scroll this far to find someone willing to spread the wealth. Looks like alot of people are having trouble grasping how much money a trillion is. My plan would be to hire a legal team and invest it in govt bonds, and then spend lots of time to figure out how I can help the world the most and spend 99.9%+ of it on whatever I come up with. I have no need for a trillion dollars.
Nah. A random portable tool shed on the surface. Inside is a staircase leading to a massive underground mansion. Everyone would be confused seeing you come and go.
Yeah I mean no one wants to live in the house right? You'd look out the window and see a shitty run down shed. Nah, it's the shed for me, I get the beautiful view of the beautiful house.
I always wanted to build an underground living house with a decoy house above.
I just can't figure out how to murder the construction workers and their families to keep it secret. It has to be secret.
The bills do. I have a '100 Trillion' myself just for laughs.
The shipping cost me much more than the currency itself. I've heard they have gone up though due to people like me collecting them, and google shopping seems to confirm.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:21:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It will be 2.76 Billion, but the ZWD is now essentially worthless as of April 2016 it's not used in Zimbabwe and can't be exchanged in to hard currency.
Wait, so can you buy actual Zimbabwe dollars? I searched it up online and want to make sure that it's not fake currency.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:28:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's entirely possible that the ones I have are fake, as I got them back in like 2012 for 5 bucks off e-bay for a set of 3 $100t notes and 3 $50t notes; a few things to note:
The financial crisis that led to the hyperinflation in Zimbabwe is over, from what I know.
Among currency collectors the absurdly high notes have become something of a collector's item
I'd expect there to be some fake currency, and I'm not an expert so I have no way to tell if mine is or is not.
I found the whole thing to be kind of fascinating when it was going on; at the height of it that $100t note was worth about a US quarter, in terms of purchasing power.
The stuff they were printing at the height of hyperinflation was pretty bad quality, which makes it harder to say whether what you have is fake or not.
The crisis was ended by (US) dollarisation, but the country is running low on money (because all the forex ends up leaving the country to pay for imports, and the destroyed Zimbabwean economy doesn't produce enough exports to replace what's spent) and the government wants to start printing its own crap again, although officially it won't be real money. So might end up with a whole lot of new trillion dollar notes around in the future.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:45:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't look at the current exchange rate; there was an economic crisis in Zimbabwe, and the bills are from a now-defunct national bank. If memory serves during the transition to the new Zimbabwe dollar, each $100 trillion was worth $1 in the new currency.
I came here to post this since I've been dealing with a lot of customers at work trying to get a bank account to exchange Zimbabwe Dollars, Iraqi Denares and Vietnamese Dong and it's been craziness! We don't even exchange those currencies! What's up with the recent surge in Zimbabwe Dollars flooding the market?!?
It's worthless. Something about their economy going down the shitters after their new President took all the white farmers land and kicked them out of the country. I don't want this sparking off some sjw or racist rant, so just read this article that reiterates what I said but is published.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:46:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I paid $42USD for a $100,000,000,000,000 Zimbabwean bill (I'm a currency collector and it's my fav note in my collection) so not totally worthless to the right people.
I wouldn't exactly call myself a currency collector but I have a nice little collection starting. Where would someone find one of those?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:59:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do all of mine on Ebay. I've never had any issues getting billnotes except with the North Korean won. I bought what I thought was a legitimate won but it was just obviously printed at home by some asshole.
Well, enough bags of gravel is worth something to people that don't have other means of currency. The Iraqi dinar with Saddam on it was made worthless after the Coalition Provision Authority in 2004 made new notes.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:14:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My parents and the rest of my family were all farmers there and we all got kicked off the farms (2003-2005) - also not a new president. I think he's been president for about 30 years or something now. The whole country has gone to shit now. They used to use USD as their currency but they brought out "bond notes" last year which technically have no value whatsoever to any currency.
It was good that he took land from the white farmers as they had a huge monopoly and they got richer while the blacks got poorer. The problem was that he gave the land to his FRIENDS and not the people. His friends didnt know how to maintain the land so the farms were looted and many destroyed which turned zimbabwe from the 'breadbasket of Africa' to having to resort to importing food.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:24:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 14:52:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
HAHAHA I GET IT WASNT A YES OR NO QUESTION BUT YOU STILL SAID YES HAHAHA XD XD ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐
Edit: So after I made this comment I noticed u/MusicForEarthworms 's comment got less up votes. You're pathetic as fuck if your opinion gets swayed one way or another so easily. So sick of all you retards.
Edit: So after I made this comment I noticed u/MusicForEarthworms 's comment got less up votes. You're pathetic as fuck if your opinion gets swayed one way or another so easily. So sick of all you retards.
granal03 ยท 1017 points ยท Posted at 14:00:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All of the answers here are wrong. 100% build Jurassic Park. Then Jurassic Park 2: Electric Boogaloo in Japan could be opened. Featuring the Gozilatrops. Cut costs on infrastructure as well to maximise my profits. Get some old white dude like David Attenborough to be the face of the park. Earn another trillion dollars. Ride around on my Stegosaurus.
sorry for the nitpick, but actually they made 3 about parks. Jurassic Park 3 isn't about getting a new park running, just a kid getting lost on a dinosaur island.
But it was really only the first one where the park went wrong because of planning. The other two the park was already a mess.
And anyways, the park only failed because they didn't count on Dodson. Fortunately, Dodson is a fictional character, ergo a dino park in the real world would work flawlessly.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:35:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jurassic park is based on some extremely shaky philosophical grounds. Chaos theory does not dictate that Jurassic park would inevitably fail. Problems will inevitably occur, because not everything can be controlled given what we currently are capable of. But if you really think about what caused the park to fail, you realize that it wasn't the inevitability of something going wrong, it was the COLOSSAL coincidence of multiple unrelated things going wrong simultaneously. Henry Wu happened to use DNA from animals that spontaneously change sex in response to environmental factors; raptors show primate-level intelligence; Nedry kills power to the entire park instead of just the parts he needed shut down; gigantic storm comes through; Hammond relies on automation to an extreme degree; Hammond has a single point of failure for his entire automated system allowing his one sysadmin to take everything down with no recourse to anyone else. If any one of those things happened differently, none of the problems would have happened. At worst there would have been a minor escaped dinosaur situation that could have been handled swiftly.
Was the storm really that crucial? Honestly, it mostly seemed to make it harder for T-Rex to see the people.
I'll add that Dodson somehow got in contact with the second most powerful person at the park who happened to be disgruntled enough to become corrupt making it a wash.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:22:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think it's all that clear in the movie, but the storm damaged some of the fences which allowed some dinosaurs to escape.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 19:02:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cause actually creating a living dinosaur is still way beyond what we are capable of doing. There are groups looking into bringing a mammoth back to life, but even that is way off (and they aren't really planning to create a pure mammoth, more of a mammoth elephant hybrid).
All of the answers here are wrong. 100% build Jurassic Park. Then Jurassic Park 2: Electric Boogaloo in Japan could be opened. Featuring the Gozilatrops. Cut costs on infrastructure as well to maximise my profits. Get some old white dude like David Attenborough to be the face of the park.
Then make Pirates of the Pancreas!
peepea ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:55:50 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I imagine that Eletric Bugaloo would be waaay better than burning man.
Fuck that. I'd buy the best law firm in the country. You're all working for me now, I just doubled all your salaries. I'm your only client, and you only exist to protect me. Try to screw me somehow and leave? I'll buy every god damn law firm in the city and make them fire you. I have God-level money.
They're lawyers. They're going to want to know where the money came from and draw up ironclad contracts. When the banks come at you with all the fury of a thousand burning baboons, they'll stop the sale.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:05:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As someone above said, put it in an interest earning account, and talk to an accountant. Get them to broker with the bank when they want it back with interest, go through year long legal battle, win, keep interest.
That amount of money is enough to purchase a country. Purchase a country, turn it into a Utopia and make it a world leader in X field so it can sustain itself. Rinse and repeat with new country.
OR
Build a trebuchet so large it could throw a 900kg projectile 3000 miles.
That amount of money is enough to purchase a country. Purchase a country, turn it into a Utopia and make it a world leader in X field so it can sustain itself. Rinse and repeat with new country.
Welcome to Tropico, El Presidente!
DrQuint ยท 545 points ยท Posted at 16:31:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Our specialty is making statues. Of El presidente.
My benevolent militarist state had high healthcare, education, housing quality, food quality, and low crime. (Apparently crime stays low when you have troops walking the streets at night. I'm not sure why I had cops besides keeping tourists in line.) Liberty was a bit weird because it kept swinging back and forth between elections, even though there was a free press. I had to constantly call for early elections, which I kept winning fair and square.
I'm sure everybody on the island thought that there was no reason to have as strong of a military as we had for such a tiny Island with no land borders, until the destroyers showed up...
i very bumblingly managed to make both the east and the west think i was the greatest thing since sliced bread, their tourists loved me, they loved setting up factories on my shores, and i had insane amounts of money i could just give to them if they needed a spot of cash.
n23_ ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 20:44:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My tropico has such great standards of living that anyone complaining was considered mentally insane and immediately shot. I also shot all members of the religious faction because why not?
Speaking of presidents. I'd start by making America great again. $10 Billion reward to the person with information leading to the impeachment of Donald Trump. $100 Billion if it also leads to at least 5 years of jail time. I'll bet a few Russians out there have some proof socked away somewhere.
edit: Actually, this gives me an idea, Kickstarter!
[deleted] ยท 980 points ยท Posted at 14:16:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
WHOA.
You are building quite the trebuchet there, friend!
[deleted] ยท 324 points ยท Posted at 15:21:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
crnext ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 16:17:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
specifically, a boeing 757 going 300 knots has about a third of the energy which would be required. That is 4,345,228,800 joules. That is the blasting force of a ton of TNT.
hence using it as a counterweight. No matter what, paper does not weight as much as pennies and nickels per size unless I guess you can burn the money, convert it into carbon and turn the carbon into diamonds so you can counterweight the trebuchet with diamonds but then you would have so many diamonds that you would flood the fake debeers market with so many diamonds that it would be worthless. Oh wait, I kind of like that, if I woke up with a trillion dollars one of my agendas would be to ruin the debeers monopoly.
ICBGMFR:
Inter Continental Ballistic Giant Mother Fucking Rock
Hazzamo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:05:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's not a mother fucking trebuchet... That's a Fuck-mothering Trebuchet!, it killed a lot of people to earn that title and demands to treated with said respect
22bebo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:47:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know what, I'll support whatever war The Donald gets us into so long as we wage it via trebuchet.
Yep sounds perfect! Don't have to worry about rockets exploding and dispersing nuclear waste in the atmosphere when you literally fling it into the sun.
Until all the mass we've thrown off Earth starts affecting our orbit and we begin to drift away from the sun, plunging us into colder and colder temperatures.
TyReXxX ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:54:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She just needs to fall over. The ripple effect alone would generate enough energy to power a small Death Star.
Which brings me to what I would spend my money on.
Jaivez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shit if she spanned more than 3000 miles we should call Elon Musk so he can get about converting her blood stream into a Hyperloop and whatever other evil scientist ideas he could go about with such a being.
Missiles (as opposed to rockets) require guidance system and, most important of all, don't use counterweights. I higly encourage you to go to /r/trebuchetmemes and ask them why counterweight mechanisms are inherently better than any of this propellant crap.
Rusky82 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:14:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well it's still a missile as the definition of missile is:
missile
noun
an object which is forcibly propelled at a target, either by hand or from a mechanical weapon.
Yes I decided to be that guy that corrects people use of english.......
I would buy Italy, and mostly let it keep doing its thing, but then I would also pay all the best chefs, the best winemakers, best fish mongers, best farmers, best beer crafters, and best liquor makes to move to the country. And then my life would be perfect.
I wouldn't want to wake up to a million dollars just to have to work at a stressful job (running a country). I'd much rather just buy some politicians to do my bidding.
Alright members of /r/theydidthemath. Let's see some numbers on this bad boy. Possible? Possible without breaking the trebuche? Possible without breaking the launch site?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:06:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brilliant. We would have a meme economy from all the residents uploading vines of our massive trebuchets too. We could export them to countries who prefer simpler weapons, shipped with a crew of swarthy peasants who affectionately name their siege engine something incredibly innapropriate for the target customers country.
Like selling a trebuchet called Escobars Revenge to Colombia.
KJ6BWB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:52:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You want to build a trebuchet big enough to launch things to the moon? Because I think that's far enough that you could get out of the majority of earth's gravitational field then fire a few small rockets on your projectile and fly to the moon.
You can hold a country hostage with 1 trillion dollars.
Even 500 billion used in treasury holdings will make you a player in the world stage. Because if you threaten to sell your holdings all at once, you can devalue that country's currency virtually overnight. With a devalued currency the entirety of that said country from peasants to kings and presidents will have a very tough time paying the bills. Not as bad as Weimar Germany, but you would have done so much damage just by decreasing a trillion's worth of confidence in that country's currency.
EDIT: for reference the housing bubble crisis cost the whole world 4.2 trillion. Imagine doing 1/4 of that recession to one country.
The United States threatened the UK with such an action during the Suez Crisis. The UK pulled out of that theater without a single US boot on the ground.
I shall deter their gunboat diplomacy with my dread trebuchet. It shall fire 900kg balls of dung harvested from my incredibly prolific herd of dung beetles.
yeah, I'd start a science based country. you'd need a STEM degree for entrance or you'd have to prove yourself in some manner in the arts (because we need that too or it'd be boring and uncreative)
free living for first few years until everything has stablized
I would spend an exorbitant amount of money and not make a tenth of a percentage point difference in my net worth
Sometimes I think people don't stop to think about how much a trillion dollars is
If you were given $1,000,000,000,000 you could spend roughly $36.5 millions dollars PER DAY for 75 years
Another way to look at it; according to Forbes, the top 25 richest people in the world have a COMBINED net worth of $986 Billion. Bill Gates is currently worth 0.75% of a Trillion dollars
$1 trillion in physical cash, all in $100 bills, would weigh 10 million kgs (~11,000 US Tons) meaning to move it, you would need nearly 300 18-wheel semis
Don't get me wrong, I would love to have a trillion dollars. It's just that, when you look at the numbers, that is a staggering amount of money by anyone's standards
[deleted] ยท 1025 points ยท Posted at 14:47:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bill Gates is worth 7,5% not 0,75%
ipwnedx ยท 2131 points ยท Posted at 15:30:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is the 36.5m taking into consideration interest? If not that's a whole lot longer than 75 years.
There's an alternate reality out there that the lottery rolled over to a trillion dollars as no one won it each week.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:27:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would give you gold, but c'mon, I don't have a trillion dollars...
jcb088 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
His name is perfection. Truly the best name ever to grace the entirety of all usernames in all databases in all of the recorded and non recorded histories of every parallel universe including this one.
Amazing.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 15:41:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
8.5 according to Google.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:42:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, read so too. Just changed the decimal point of his value.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:03:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:26:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Most European countries use , as a decimal separator
When you say it out loud, you say "point zero two five" when the word "point" is indicated by a period (a la, the point of a pencil creating it, etc.) ... and when you take pauses in saying an extensive number ("four million,comma eight hundred fifty-three thousand,comma nine hundred and two"), that's signified by a comma, as you would signify any other pause. Just makes no sense to do it otherwise.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:29:58 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No it's not stupid. We'd say 'comma zero two five'. Not 'point zero two five'. Also you'd never pause that long between saying four million and eight hundred blablabla. If you'd pause that long it seems like their seperate numbers
a trillion dollars is so much money that if you let it ride on interest alone, you would be the 15th largest GDP in the world by yourself(ahead of mexico).
I get the feeling that at some point around the mid-12-digit range it's not mathematically or economically possible to "let it ride" and accrue interest.
oh i imagine you most certainly could let it accrue interest but you'd be doing transactions with governments rather than banks, as they're the only folks who'd be willing to do transactions that large.
the governments would. at those sorts of financial levels, you're loaning governments money and getting regular payments on the debt.
i would happily snap up most of a trillion dollars of US federal debt. that shit's incredibly rock-solid as an investment, they never fail to make their payments and the interest is so steady it's all but a law of the universe.
True, but then you'd own more than 5% of the US federal bonds in existence. You would be the most powerful person in the country, period. Or they could just default the fuck out of you. For reference China and Japan each hold approx 1.15 Trillion in us bonds at any given time. That's a high stakes game to play as an individual investor whereas China and Japan have leverage because they're, ya know, countries.
eh, like i said, i'd happily buy a big chunk of a trillion dollars... i'd squirrel a few dozen billion into various markets so i'd have some liquidity.
To pile on, I did the arithmetic and if you were shopping the most expensive items in the world. Barring some exceptions, there isn't much you can do with trillion that you couldn't do with 4 Billion dollars.
Well it would cost you 10's of billions for controlling stake in the company. For 15 million you could buy every car in every class of those companies. Significantly less risk and you still get everything you want.
Well... it's still something that 4 billion couldn't do that 1 trillion could.. so he is right. Also risk isn't even a factor with a trillion dollars.. also he didn't say he wanted all of those cars he said he would buy the company like a boss.. also if we are playing that game, then for much less you could rent each of those cars.
Yes but as a reference he said "Buying a Bugatti." The overarching theme I took from that was buying expensive cars. The risk factor would be the stock swings. Your 10+ billion dollar investment to gain controlling stake could take a dive. Even a 1% drop of an investment that size is 100 million lost. I just seems like more moving parts and hassles and risk for cars.
All of that being said he's a trillionaire and it probably doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.
I meant that with 1 trillion, risk really isn't a thing. You could fuck up 999 different billion dollar deals and then still have 1000 millions to play with
DAWTSF ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 17:18:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invested at 5% per year you would make about $130+ million per day.
You could spend $500 billion putting giving 10 million electric cars ($50,000 per car) away to the poorest 3% of the US. One of the biggest problems with escaping poverty is reliable transportation (getting to jobs). And you're combating greenhouse gas issues (in theory -- OTOH I know making the cars would cause some pollution) and fossil fuel scarcity (again in theory, part of making the cars uses plastics, polyesters, and other oil based products).
I'd still have $500 billion left. I could spend half of that setting up 40 million 5 KW solar panel installations for private homeowners ($12,500 per installation) in areas that get adequate sunlight for it to matter. This would boost US solar capacity from ~45 GW to ~245 GW (5 times more) while both lower utilities costs, using less fossil fuels and giving us cleaner air and water as a result.
Also the places building this stuff would need to employ folks, so it would be a boon to the economy as well.
So I guess my answer is save the world and still have $250 billion left over.
You could spend $500 billion putting giving 10 million electric cars ($50,000 per car) away to the poorest 3% of the US.
Keep in mind that in order for the electric car plan to work, you'd have to also spend hundreds of millions (if not a few billion dollars) installing more charging stations in order to accommodate for those extra 10 million cars. And, as far as I can tell, those stations don't exactly come all that cheap, though, it would probably cost you less than the 10 million cars.
Keep in mind that in order for the electric car plan to work, you'd have to also spend hundreds of millions (if not a few billion dollars) installing more recharging stations in order to accommodate for those extra 10 million cars.
Perhaps put the cars in a limited geography like New England. I wonder too if there was a big enough userbase if gas stations wouldn't add recharge stations on their own -- as long as people will pay to charge their cars.
I think there would be a big enough userbase (and I'm assuming that you are talking about people actually using the cars, right?), I think the problem might lie more in finding places to put the charging stations, if gas stations didn't build their own. But, I can't imagine that (with gas prices being what they are) that anyone would shun an electric car (especially if it was free).
Also, doesn't it cost less to fill your car with electricity then gas (if it's not subsidized by a government program)? Or am I wrong?
777Sir ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:18:32 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you announced a plan to do it, businesses would put those charging stations up for you.
Exactly, if I had that money, it would be impossible to convince me to save it. I would just spend a shit ton of money on guitars and other music gear.
You could but every instrument ever made and still inadvertently be saving close to a trillion
awkook ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:24:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit. 35 million dollars PER DAY for 75 years!!!!! Thats insane!!!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:29:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
assuming you invested it and earned 5% annual interest that you withdrew, you could spend 50 billions dollars a year and lose zero dollars. so you could spend 137 million a day forever, losing no money whatsoever.
Yah people can't fathom people who have billions of dollars let alone millions.
Even when someone has 3 million dollars. It would take someone making 50 grand a year NET 60 years to make that much.
I think this truly visualizes how big these numbers are. At least for me it does.
22bebo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:03:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a conversation with my friends about a similar situation (receive a trillion dollars for doing something). Ultimately we decided t actually wouldn't be all that useful, as one of two situations had to occur:
1) The money appeared spontaneously, instant resulting in a massive inflation of the US dollar and subsequently a worldwide economic calamity.
2) The money came out of the accounts of other people. So now you hold like 95% of the world's money, effectively making it worthless and also likely collapsing the worldwide economy. Maybe you get lucky and everyone else just agrees to switch to a new global monetary system and start over, since they are all essentially broke now so it can't hurt them.
People really don't grasp how big of a number a trillion is. It was so large I had to use physical descriptors to convince my friends it was worth doing any task for, since it literally meant you could buy whatever you want forever.
The average savings account pays an interest of 0.06% a year. To the average person this is so little it almost doesn't matter. However with 1 trillion in it you would be gaining around 60 billion a year.
Thanks for this. Throughout the whole thread I keep getting anxiety about how much money people would just blow lol
My inner voice, " Well uh...nobody would save any or invest it so it grows???"
The numbers are amazing.
A million seconds is 11 days
A billion seconds is 32 years
A trillion would be... well... 32 thousand years. Give or take a century or two for leap years.
Unless you're planning on building a personal stadium with a race track or something, you should start running now. The best time to start doing exercise is today.
[deleted] ยท 46 points ยท Posted at 18:01:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
('o')b
('.')o
Darty96 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:16:26 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I haven't seen this version before... it took me a few minutes to figure out what this was, but now I'm excited to have learned a new thing.
Lehot ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:56:36 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It took me a while, too, so I'll just explain it for the rest. It's a guy holding his index finger up in the first line and his mouth is hanging open, and in the other line his mouth is closed and his index finger is down.
Wouldn't the second best time be ten years ago less a day? That would make today the 3653rd best time to start. Of course, ten years is arbitrary. It should probably be more like the number of years you've been alive minus four or so.
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 16:22:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You don't get rich without failure. Every successful business has some departments, product lines, research ventures, etc. that fail.
And i'm not talking about past failures. Successful businesses will (should) have failures to this day.
The key is to know when to quit one venture and move on rather than continuously dumping in money, sure you will win eventually (like gambling).
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 18:55:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He has a few failed business ventures, and he did become bankrupt at one point.
However, he is still very rich. Despite the failed business ventures, he managed to expand enough that he is richer than both his father and his grandfather.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:07:15 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
ZhouDa ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:30:23 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Of course not. As the saying goes, owe a bank $100, that's your problem. Owe a bank $100 million dollars, it's the banks problem. The banks were never going to get anything what they put into the man by selling his assets, and the only reason he was able to borrow what he did was because of his father's influence.
Yup, I won't even be old enough to run but I think that's more than enough to pay off congress to lower the age requirement as well as buy the presidency.
Lol fuck no. Actually being president decreases your possibilities in so many ways.
It would be much more efficient just to buy our whore Congress and find a decent puppet to the Presidency and begin running your shadow government behind the scenes.
bw1870 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:55:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wasn't that one mention above - in NRW?
mfb- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:59:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, Leverkusen is a city with a population of 150,000. It is 25 km away from the Leverkusen (Remscheid) I linked which had a population of 50.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:39:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do people in the US ever use that? Seems to always be City, State (something that always frustrates me as a non-American. So pretentious to think I'd know where the fuck Illinois is. Just say you're from the US! Do you hear me saying I'm from Waverley, New South Wales?).
It's pronounced "zuh-booty". Last year in World History we had to divide up a bunch of countries for war winnings and stuff, and Djibouti was the one country everyone wanted.
Warpato ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:16:19 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No it isnt, the D is just silent, its ji-booty
With the i in ji being like the i in live. Or like in gif. For Americans and like ee for Brits.
omg this is so great. Don't even do anything to influence there government. Just name it Butt-Stuff then leave and let them sort out they're own affairs under there new name.
I have no idea for sure, but just my guess is that money that is in "safe, low low risk" investments is not actually making money as fast as the rate of inflation. So the value of the money would be decreasing over time.
Safe, low low risk is what you do when the market dipping would ruin something you're using as a current source of income so any moderate risk could mean you can't afford to keep your house. If you're putting something away for somebody born 80 years from now and it spends all that time failing to match inflation...
Personally I would start wondering how not to fuck up the economy of... Well, a lot of places. That's so much money that just investing it or having it in a bank account would impact the economies around you. (I live in northern Europe). For example, I could pay for all national expenditure of Finland for the coming 20-ish years.
It is a trust fund which (generally speaking) is exempt from IHT, because the descendants would not own the money, but be the beneficiary of the trust.
Well, first of all, I think that, as your direct descendants are not 1 by generation, the last ones would be like #95 to #105. This would lead to a big succession war.
My past experience with gaming at the beach: Too much sun = not enough light coming from screen. Also sand. Lots of sand goes into lots of tiny places.
The Four Seasons Bali is frequently a contender for best hotel on the world, but I've always wanted to go to the W Retreat in the Maldives. But real ballers don't fly first class. They charter a plane.
Buy a $10,000 gaming PC with four of the strongest graphics cards, the fastest i7, a fancy water cooling system, tons of RAM, and overclock that bitch. Buy a 4k 144 Hz monitor, a Vive, and a $1500 pair of studio headphones. Personally pay Nintendo to port BotW to PC with VR support, and play that masterpiece in VR (or 4k 144 Hz) while sitting in the most comfortable chair you can find.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:57:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd hate to be the guy that says "this" but...
Wait, why stop at 10 grand, you have way more than that! Get the best server grade hardware and as many expansion cards, SSDs, RAM etc. you can fit in that thing, set up some crazy RAID config and get a large VESA mount with an array of 4K panels, hell, 8K panels.
That. And, if you play your cards right, your stock purchase could end up being worth more in the future.
Do nothing with the Sony stock. They're going down the shitter right now. Microsoft is where the real investment is. They've been steadily adding value since Satya Nadella took over, and are predicted to overtake Apple as the most valueable company in a few years.
Nintendo could just be practice stock.
I just started working help desk and all we are doing right now is printer support so we make office space jokes all the time and I love to say "you look like you have a car if the Monday's" to people on days other than Monday. Especially because they grown then go into full panic mode and go "WAIT! It's Wednesday right? Oh thank god." and then I get to enjoy having caused that panic, I'm sure eventually the thrill will die but for now it lights up my day.
Would they be in character from GOT? And are you expecting to have sex with them all at the same time? And how many times are you going to have sex with them because I imagine if you only get one pop, it's going to be over in about two minutes from the sheer excitement and well before you actually get to physically penetrate all three.
Also, who do you start with and who do you save for the end? Do you worry about their feelings? Do you get to videotape it? Does videotaping it change the price?
I'd be thrilled but in a state of panic at the same time, like when your'e next in line to go on a badass roller coaster and the technician is already securing your bar. Thrilled at the thought of having what might as well be an unlimited amount of money. Panic at the thought of where it came from and am I going to get into serious trouble for having it.
But if the bank gives me the all clear and I know it's safe to blowthen I'd be jumping with glee and informing my family immediately. "Quit your respective shitty jobs like I'm going to because none of us will ever need to work again for the rest of our lives!".
I'd probably plan a trip with my brothers and parents and other family members. I have nowhere in particular I wanna go that badly that I couldn't wait but the family might have some countries on their bucket lists and hell - why not visit them all? I'm gonna need that inspiration when I come back and start thinking of how I want to design my ultimate home so I can retire young in luxury exactly where I'd be most content with the local community, climate and culture. My family would all get houses and new cars too, we all work so much and have so little - we deserve something fucki'n nice for once.
Once I've bought all the stuff I want - dream house, luxury car, designer clothes and every collectible item I've ever drooled over. I'd spend the rest on things that I feel passionate about. Probably pour some into the community I wind up in to make it even cooler. Some towards renewable energy (how many houses can I buy solar panels for?) some towards environmental preservation etc.
Dent18 ยท 488 points ยท Posted at 15:57:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've been making a spreadsheet and I'm literally out of ideas. I put $20 billion into national parks and animal reserves and music education for kids. I bought the majority of Apple for $250 billion
Put it in a cryptocurrency (maybe a custom one that you personally back, to avoid complications with devaluing an existing one), and send the private key to the reward wallet to Mars.
A space mining company is also a solid LOOOOOOONG term investment. Being the first out there is going to be a very powerful market position 100 years from now.
Honestly, you could make a pretty good start setting up a self-sustaining manufacturing complex up in orbit with that kind of money. Divert a small asteroid and a comet into orbit, and you've got yourself raw materials to last for ages.
Thing is, they're not easy to move. It takes a lot of effort and power to make even small changes. Orbital mechanics as very much a mature science, it's not really possible to accidentally make something that big zig instead of zag.
In any event, you'd capture it very high up and then very slowly begin bringing it down to a MEO altitude.
The moon is 384,000 km away, and at the bottom of another gravity well, albeit a shallower one than Earth. That would defeat the entire purpose.
I'm thinking more like 2000 km. Close enough to be easily accessible, high enough that there's not much crowding, and air drag is basically nonexistent, not that it would affect something that heavy and dense even at lower altitudes.
test98 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:46:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And then you'd start making even more money back selling the billion tons of platinum and shit you mined.
Depends on how much capital you are willing to contribute. Or I can offer an Interest bearing share of the company and split the annual profits of the company at a ratio of 3:2.
test98 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a tad short on capital at the moment, so your deal sounds good to me.
Just PM me when your ready to make the first payment.
Who gives a shit about paying off the national debt? One trillion will hardly make a dent, may as well use it on yourself. If OP said 21 or more trillion I'd happily pay it off.
Where'd you get the idea that you can buy majority of Apple for 250 bil?
xinik ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:33:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1 trillion is do whatever whenever however money.
I wonder if you could effectively buy like West Virginia or Idaho or something with that kind of money and turn the entire thing into a national park...
I would probably just buy an NFL franchise though and pretend it was real life John Madden football. I mean it would cost less than 1% of my total cash why the hell not?
Yeah I don't think I could even spend more than a billion on stuff I just want for myself and my family (if we lived together it would be an ultra-modern mansion in the most exclusive and desirable area I can find, I'd like to keep them in my life and they'd be crazy to pass up this lifestyle without having to pay for it themselves)
A billion should easily cover that with money to still spare. Maybe I'll spend the rest building a new city that will hopefully become self-sufficient based of tourism. Think a Dubai like city but better because it'll be in a western country ;)
That would be my only real concern - But I'd imagine that kind of money can buy someone some pretty badass protection. There'd be camera's scanning every square inch of my property 24-7.
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 16:50:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But if the bank gives me the all clear
Wells J. Fargo himself would fly in on his golden jet from Rich Peopleville to give you a blowjob if you asked to put a quarter of that money in his bank.
Just a little tip: Don't tell ANYONE except your very immediate family. People tend to come out of the woodworks when you announce that you have a ton of money.
Don't even tell your immediate family. Tell them you got a great new job. They'll ask what the job is. Tell them it is a consulting position. Nobody really knows what that means, so they'll just say, "oh, ok, that's great!" And nod their heads.
Every trip you make just say it's a company trip and they are welcome to come along. Make up some shot about a private meeting you must attend during one afternoon out of the vacation. Get some bookers for a few hours to pass the time and tell the fam that the meeting went well when you return. Repeat for the rest of your life.
My family would know I'd never get into something like that though. You just don't go from being a waiter in a local restaurant that few people outside of town have heard of, to being a consultant who travels the world and gets to stay in luxury resorts. I'd have to tell them. They are sensible people and I trust them - plus I'd give them incentive to keep their mouths shut, if they blow it for me they won't get anything.
I already have a mental "If I won lotto" plan which I admit mostly just exists out of wishful thinking - but hey, if anyone can get struck by lightning, then anyone can win lotto. I'd much rather the latter though.
I'd first tell my immediate family and only them. I've never been in one of those big connected families where aunts, uncles, cousins etc all gather 'round at Christmas time so they aren't a big part of my life and I've had nothing to do with any of them since my early teens. I'd tell my mother, father, both grandmothers and my two brothers and their respective fiance's - a mere 8 people who actually mean anything to me at all even though there's dozens more I'm "related to" but have nothing to do with.
I'd hand in my two week's notice at work. Yep, as much as I hate my job I wouldn't just walk out on the spot. I'd at least honour them by giving them enough time to find a replacement. 2 weeks of work will be much easier to swallow when I know it's my last 2 weeks before a very early (and very comfortable) retirement. I'd probably just make up a casual but not entirely untrue excuse - I'm moving far away (and I would given that much cash)
I'd disappear from town quietly and bring my family along so we can live in peace somewhere nice and not have anyone we know hunt us down should they find out what we got.
That's very similar to mine. I would tell my parents and my sister, and her respective fiance, hand in my resignation for my job, and go find a cabin somewhere in the smoky mountains in Georgia.
It's nice to even just think about stuff like this. Though I'm more of a seaside person than a mountains person (not that we have much in the way of mountains in Australia anyway ;p)
Much more content than the dA forums, and much less dumb teenagers who complain about my replies being too long just because they contained more than five words. But I like to juggle both though, since while reddit has more frequent and interesting new topics - dA I feel still has a friendlier community :)
And too many trolls there now making shitty threads of which they don't even bother responding to half the time. I can only listen to that SuperiorAsian guy rant on about the same damn thing so many times before it starts losing its novelty.
I've actually thought about this a bit, and my plan would be to keep the same car and apartment and if I ever started dating somebody I wouldn't let on that I was a trillion-air until I was sure they really liked me for me.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 20:10:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:09:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just threw up.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:50:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would employ seven Twi'lek dancers and probably install a Rancor pit.
Isn't the economy slowly stabilizing now? I know it crashed right after the vote, but last I checked, the value of the pound has been rising on average
Quite slowly though. Last time I checked, it was still worth, comparatively, sod all.
mw1994 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 19:16:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yeah but you cant compare it to the pound immediately before the vote. Theres a lot of reasons to suspect that was artifical inlfation to try and sway people to remain.
Then I'll wipe my ass with those gold curtains. One hand gripping the gold curtains, the other hand holding up the middle finger, and right between the two is a huge grin and maniacal laugh.
Sort of. A billion British L's (not looking up the key code for that) would actually be something like 1.36 billion dollars.
MCLTB ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:43:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually, that's jump into my ass and fuck me without a condom but with AIDS and make me call you Daddy, without at least having taken me on a nice dinner before and then never call me back afterwards money
mosen2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:52:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1,000,000,000,000
mfb- ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:44:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll explain it if you give me 0.1% of it.
cambiro ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:32:48 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, people in this thread isn't even considering what "woke up with 1 trillion dollar" means. Most are considering "in your bank account" but even banks don't have that kind of money, so banks would screw you faster than you could say "trillion".
The other option is "woke up with 1 trillion dollar cash", which means waking up in the middle of a football field filled with hundred dollar bills. To which the only possible action would be maybe grab a few millions and run away, or simply run away and tell the cops "Hey, there's, like, a trillion dollars inside the Broncos stadium, I just woke up there, don't know what the fuck happened."
New first order of business. Buy all the textbooks in the world and give them out for free
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:40:52 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's really inefficient. Buy the textbook companies. Unceremoniously fire everyone who was responsible for the massive price increases over the last few years. Convert the companies into charities and force them to give out the textbooks. Not just to college students, either, just free the knowledge and subsidize the IPs required to keep it free. Throw an army of lawyers at everyone who tries to stop you (because they will).
Elcatro ยท 91 points ยท Posted at 11:51:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd build a hamlet in a nice location and have incredible internet laid down to it, I'd then invite friends and their families as well as my own family to live there at cut price rent.
I'm a simple man, such a life would make me happy.
Binkusu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:59:39 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes but now you have people that are reliant on you and will stay reliant on your money for who knows how long. It's the same idea if you won the lottery, having a lot of money, having people know, and giving it out changes people, though this is under the assumption of money less than a trillion dollars. Still, I've read stories about people getting a large amount of money out of nowhere, and while the danger of spending it all seems to disappear with a trillion, the danger of social attitudes can change. Suddenly rich people also sometimes commit suicide in higher rates too, from what it seems, but I don't have the data to prove it. Who knows, maybe being beyond insanely rich changes things, but I'd still be careful.
Yes but now you have people that are reliant on you and will stay reliant on your money for who knows how long.
But person #1 didn't have to work for theirs...
Or in other words, you
will stay reliant on your money for who knows how long.
Binkusu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:53 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Person one didn't have to work for their money in this case since they just happened to get money. But they're still going to pay for their share of the housing. It's not the money but the contribution I'm talking about.
And what? I'll stay reliant on my own money, not on someone else's money to pay rent. Again, not about HOW I got the money but what is being done with it.
If you had 1 trillion dollars and you're sucking money out of other people's very limited income to give them a house over their head, you're a disgusting human being. Wanting them to pay from their pocket when you have such an enormous amount is so petty. What does it mean you want to make sure they're contributing? These are your family and friends. I don't know what kind of gross relationship you have with your friends and family, but I know that if I had 1 trillion dollars, I'd give them the world without expecting any "contribution" on their end. You're probably the kind of person to vote for a flat tax. Having someone with vastly less money pay a part when you just have SO MUCH to give is ridiculous. The only good argument I've seen was that they want their family doing something with their lives, and even that isn't the best argument. But wanting them to contribute? Pathetic.
Elcatro ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:34:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Knowing my friends & their families they'd feel really uncomfortable not contributing, so I'd set a low price to cover that base and make them feel alright about it.
You live like a king while your friends and family live in fear of displeasing you and being kicked out of your hamlet, whether that's something you'd ever intend to do or not
For real, with that kind of cash I'd pay the tier 1 providers to literally co-locate a fucking backbone router in my house.
Edit- fuckit, with that kind of money, I may as well just literally buy the internet. Like, the whole damn thing. All the interconnected shit that makes it up. Mine. Suck it FTC, net neutrality is no longer an issue of public policy, because I unilaterally dictate that it is the official company policy of the internet as a singular monolithic entity.
My friends and family are taken care of forever.
Dream house.
Invest in Michigan's infrastructure and failing school system with LEGITIMATE amounts of money.
-or-
Blow it all on H&B.
Avalain ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 15:12:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could literally fill a room with hookers every day for the rest of your life and hire an Hr department to manage them and buy enough blow to kill you 100 times over. That probably wouldn't even make a dent. In fact you could do both of your dream options and still hardly make a dent.
Man I'd hire a private teacher to teach me. I've self taught myself 2 instruments to a intermediate level but once you see a pro correct you, you realize you need a guiding hand.
No, donate to every politician in the United States with the agreement that they don't ask where it came from. It'd cost far less than 500b, and you might even have the chance to make a few more laws for yourself.
If our politicians are still unwilling to do something about climate change, think of what they'll do for you.
I doubt anyone here is smart enough to make 1 trillion dollars disappear in an untraceable way after having it randomly appear some morning and alerting the government to it's existence.
Not "$18B" (billion), $18 trillion. The top 5 world stock exchanges combined have a capitalization of about $40 trillion, so your $1 trillion would be about 2.5% of the total if you limited your investment to those 5 markets. I think you'd have to be pretty careful to avoid rocking the markets, since you'd basically be trying to take a 2.5% position in every large company on Earth. Definitely not the kind of thing you can do overnight. Once you managed it, though, a crash might put you sub-trillion for a few years, but your long-term average should be ~7%, enough to ensure your trillionaire status in perpetuity. To go sub-trillion by spending, you'd basically have to blow more than Bill Gates's entire net worth every year. You could have the most obscenely lavish $1 million/day lifestyle and not put a perceptible dent in it.
Whoops ... I was very careful reading most of this thread to keep my magnitudes straight, then went and blew it in my reply. You are absolutely correct, and very good research/explanation there!
Well, that was sort of the point of my reply. There's absolutely no single bank that could handle that magnitude of investment. You'd have to spread it out very carefully over lots of places, or you'd just crater some corner of the market with hyperinflation. /u/scornucopia gives a very good reply/breakdown to my reply.
If you were earning 7% per year (average stock-market return), you'd get 70 billion in the first year, you'd have spent 365 billion, so you'd be down to 705 billion and would no longer be a trillionaire (the top-level posters goal).
Even if you found a financial institution that would offer you an interest-bearing account that achieved the same long-term average performance as the stock market, with interest compounded daily, 7% per annum is ~0.01854% per day, so your "breakeven" spending rate would be ~$185.4 million per day. Spend much more than that, and you'll eventually run out of money.
Looking the other way, one billion per day on a trillion is 0.1% per day, which annualizes to just over 44% per annum, which couldn't be considered a reasonable rate of return to expect.
In short: spend a billion a day and you'll piss it all away in less than four years under reasonable assumptions.
C-dubbb ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:36:24 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You don't want to be out of the 4 comma club. I don't know which way your doors open for that though.
MCLTB ยท 723 points ยท Posted at 12:33:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would fly first class to Tokyo.
And then I would take the next flight back, also first class, just because i can.
And then I would take the next flight, first class of course, back to Tokyo, because I'd like to hitchhike around Japan.
[deleted] ยท 964 points ยท Posted at 14:18:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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MCLTB ยท 343 points ยท Posted at 14:25:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, I've been on 11 hour flights in economy class and loved them, so...
[deleted] ยท 786 points ยท Posted at 14:26:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
True. I'm 5"1 and I fucking love flying. Oh sorry what's that, you want to bring me food and free alcohol while I cosy up under my blanket and watch movies and have naps for 10 hours in a seat that I can comfortably sleep in? OKAY THEN.
Being on the plane is like my pre-holiday relaxation retreat.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:34:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The food is fresh from a tin of dog chow, the alcohol is 1 plastic Smirnoff miniature, the movie selection is trash, the seats are stiff greasy old leather and it's impossible to sleep. SIGN ME UP!
The instruments and calculations for the landings were done in American units. You can hear in the audio recording of the landing the touchdown distance of the lander being reported in feet. Metric was not used in space until the ISS was thought up, in order to collaborate with other countries.
It looks like you are right. From Wikipedia : "Although data was stored internally in metric units, they were displayed as United States customary units." Thank you for pointing this out.
jaynay1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:47:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Computers are some of the least free things on earth. They do exactly what you tell them to no matter how much it hurts.
We fought for our freedom from the Tyranny of the British empire, but refuse to throw off the chains of the Exchequer Standards they pioneered.
Seriously though, the imperial system is dumb as fuck. The only two other countries in the world that use it still are Myanmar and Liberia....not exactly hubs of modernity.
I would use my trillion dollars to move the US to the metric system!
Which "thing" there, exactly, are you referring to? We're certainly not better than anyone at using metric. And putting people on the moon is by no definition "the thing [they] are best at." Pick your argument.
Siphyre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was really a joke. Which was why I used so many pronouns...
With a trillion dollars we could train you to be the best at something, and then train ourselves to be better at it than you are. Doesn't matter what it is. Could be flipcup.
I just did a 12 hour and 6 hour flight back-to-back.
Fucking hell.
At least now those measly 5 hour flights to California are cake.
edit: the worst part is that for 24 of those 36 hours (accounting for round trip) I was surrounded by the sweatiest most rotten smelling BO I've ever encountered. As if just sitting in the same seat for as much time wasn't enough torture.
You've obviously never taken a chartered flight in a private luxury jet with literally any amenity you could possibly imagine because you are a fucking trillionaire.
Zergom ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:16:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You'd think that with that kind of money you would just buy an a380 and turn it into your private palace in the sky.
ukiyoe ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:32:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well yeah, first class is still for peasants. You have to get on the luxury suites, which cost tens of thousands each way.
That's "Buy a brand new private Boeing 777 and turn it into a moving apartment" money. Having an apartment that I could just chill in for 14 hours and then be in a different country would make flying pretty cool I'd imagine
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:36:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:45:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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pvbob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:30:04 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Coach and 1st class are wildly different though. Sleeping is so much more comfy in 1st class, making the 14h that much shorter than if you'd fly coach, why are you even arguing that?
I've flown a 13 hour flight from Canada to Taiwan and I loved it, flying is great. I don't do it often anymore, if it was frequent I'd probably hate it.
Um no. I It also depends on the airline you are flying. I flew 14 hours first class, and it was amazing. It was also the first time in my life I was easily able to fall asleep on a plane.
As a exclusively first class flyer I can agree with this. I won't say it sucks because it doesnt, but it becomes normal and tedious. You just want to get to your destination.
At a certain point I just started taking it for granted.
dbm5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You've obviously never flown first class.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:06:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
tauslb ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:24:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude you could buy a fleet of planes and furnish them in the craziest ways possible to fly everywhere you want, whenever you want. And you want to go through airport security 3 times in 2 days?
Learn to skydive. Or get one of those military transport planes and drive a range rover with a parachute off the back.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:31:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's why you go for an A380 and a 777. And a 747. And another A380, just because I can. And maybe Emirates Airlines, because it seems like a good investment.
rmphys ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:46:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then you can't watch the poor people walk back into economy class at the beginning of the flight. (Source: I am one of those poor people and I hate being judged by the first class snobs)
One of the airlines (Pan Am, I think) once sold lifetime first class tickets, and the people who bought them would sometimes travel thousands of miles and back to get a sandwich.
!!! Back in January of 2016 I planned out this exact same thing when I had dreams of winning the Powerball! This is what I planned out:
JFK-AUH on Etihad. But no, not in first class. Baby, you'd be flying in the Residence! Complete with your own three room suite AND a butler. A BUTLER!! From AUH you'd then take Etihad to NRT in first. Then, you'd do NRT-JFK on ANA. And you could do ANA back to NRT from JFK or you could do JAL. Or United from EWR. All in all, your whirlwind adventure in first would cost you $57,644.60.
I love Japan and fully hope that you get the chance to hitchhike around Japan some day!
Serious question: Why fly commercial at all? You have a trillion dollars. Why not just buy/charter a plane, grab some friends and family and fly that way?
Probably move into a nice apartment, alone. Decorate it how I want, and not worry about money for the rest of my life. Then buy my mom and stepdad all that nice landscaping they want so bad, and fix up their house. Pay off their mortgage too. I've got simple desires.
You'd be back to a trillion by lunch time on the investment interest alone.
tewas ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 19:21:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
By lunch time? 1T invested in low return (4%) options will give you 40 Billion dollars a year, which works out to about 109.6 Million dollars a day or a bit over 4.5 mil every hour. OP spending probably is under 500k, which will get back in about 6.5 minutes after spending it. By the time he'll find landscaping company, all that stuff will be paid off by interest alone
I doubt there is a bank who would let you invest 1T at 4%. And sadly 4% is a big return on todays rates. In my country it's about 0.35% because banks are all fucked up.
tewas ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:28:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not a bank, market. Bonds and stable investments. Hell dump into index funds, Fidelity and Vanguard S&P both are in 7% return last year and about 5% over last 10 years. Dumping money in the bank is the worst investment outside stuffing your mattress.
If you're shooting for simplicity with $1 trillion, I'd just buy an entire apartment complex and decorate each differently for my different tastes and jump between apartments whenever I'm in the mood for something else. Still kinda "simple"... kinda
I would like to think I would be the same, I'm currently renovating my home (we bought a 'wreck' as you americans call it) and would love to just get it right, it would be a pleasure to live in. We have actually just come into some money that will do a big chunk of the work but are been bonkers carefull about what we do (had ยฃ30k sat in the bank for 6 months now un-touched).
Taxtro1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:12:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That wouldn't even noticeably reduce the trillion. It's like answering "an ice cream cone" to the question "what would you buy with a million dollars?"
Yep! I don't want much in life. In fact, if I had a million dollars, I would probably buy an ice cream cone! And probably all that I was talking about, as long as I could still afford it.
EDIT: Ok... Thanks for the downvotes. I guess I would try to live life like I never won a trillion dollars. Perhaps I'd give the rest to charity or save it for when something crazy happens.
If I have one trillion dollars there's no way that I won't have a lot left afterwards, and plus I'd only need maybe $250 because there's only a few games I want.
exie610 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:10:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With the kind of money we're talking about you could buy a new house and a new car every day, and also buy your favorite gaming studio and without getting any of their profits fund them to make the exact game you want while paying for your waitstaff of 45 professionals to answer your every whim. You could do this daily for decades and still have hundreds of billions left over.
You could buy a large military and companies to design a way for you to interface with the units so you may move them around like a real life RTS game. You could buy a country to do this in if there's legal issues. And then get upset with the results, destroy the entire military, and go back to today's new mansion on your island in fiji (which you accessed by crashing your airplane into the ocean after you parachuted out). And repeat.
Yeah, or I could try not to do that and use the money to help other people instead of myself who is fortunate enough already.
exie610 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:31:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're talking about buying legos and some videos games. You could buy the entire companies involved and only be slightly over spending your daily budget.
Taxtro1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:15:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some people just utterly lack perspective. You could do all of these things easily with a good job.
A trillion dollars is more power than some countries have.
I would not tell anyone..I would just continue my life like before, because explaining 1 trillion dollars to my parents would be futile. I would keep it secret until I go on my own
You'd have to make some decisions fairly quickly. Once it was discovered, your bank would be having an emergency meeting at the highest level. The CEO would call you minutes later, probably shitting himself. It's not like winning a few million dollars that you could just ignore. JP Morgan Chase, for example, currently has about 1.3 trillion in total deposits, if you had an account with them with a few bucks in it that suddenly had a trillion dollars in it, your account alone would then be 43.5% of their total deposits.
I'd love to keep it on the down low too, but I have no idea if it would be possible with such an enormous amount of money.
1 trillion is actually more of a nuisance than any good. That much money would probably screw your life over, I would rather remain mid-high class than get 1 trillion out of nowhere. I imagined it as if all that money would be kept out of bank, in bills. But then again, where the hell would I store so much money? I think I would anonymously donate to charity a shit ton of it, and actually burn billions. I would probably get super paranoic too
Yeah, a billion would be better in many ways. There are plenty of anonymous billionaires, but everyone knows who Bill Gates and Warren Buffet are and everyone knows what they look like. If you were the world's richest person by an order of magnitude, you would be ridiculously famous. Your name would be leaked. You'd be hounded by paparazzi. You'd have to hire a team of people just to shred the begging letters. It would be horrible. I'm greedy enough to fantasize about what you could do with a trillion dollars, but I'm not narcissistic enough to want any of the fame that would go with it.
As a big celebrity you lose a good portion of freedom. While it may be good to be famous, there are also cons that come with it. I don't see myself going everywhere with bodyguards, fans, a load of paparazzis, FBI, CIA and god knows who else behind me :DD
The responses to this thread are great. Even with unlimited funds all people really want is a house, a bit of travel, to be debt free and to help people. Kind of sad that its out of reach under normal circumstances for many people.
Alright, you've spent $10 million. You've got $999,990 million left to spend.
Neolife ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:53:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Assuming by "Really nice apartment" you mean "Apartment building in each of the 5 most expensive cities in the world" (about $500 million, by my estimate, round up to $1B), and you spend $100,000 per day on travel for 50 years (~$2B), you'll have $997B left over.
I highly doubt your family's debt, your sister's house, and video games will incur any significant impact on your wealth. That leaves you with the ability to give nearly 1 million people 1 million dollars. You could give EVERY PERSON in poverty (estimated 3B people) about $300 each. In third world countries that's a significant amount of money. Better spending would probably be to give $50,000 to nearly 20 million people, or establish a self-supporting fund that will grant relief to an essentially limitless number of people, considering the wealth it would generate on interest alone would basically outpace any reasonable amount of spending.
iCaused ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:48:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yaxax ยท 313 points ยท Posted at 11:08:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit smoking, eat healthier, see the world and enjoy life.
[deleted] ยท 680 points ยท Posted at 13:27:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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Yaxax ยท 712 points ยท Posted at 13:27:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't wanna
sonofsig ยท 332 points ยท Posted at 13:55:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you had a trillion dollars you wouldn't do those things either. Do it today and you'll thank yourself immensely in 6 months
Yaxax ยท 139 points ยท Posted at 13:56:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I had a trillion dollars I'd want to live to enjoy it tho
sonofsig ยท 224 points ยท Posted at 13:59:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You should live to enjoy life now! Chances are you aren't going to get the trillion, but you can decide to still get healthy and fit and stop smoking. Wish you the best of luck :)
Yaxax ยท 188 points ยท Posted at 14:00:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
sure you might. Trust me, I'd eat much healthier if I had all day long to do whatever. Or if I could just pay someone to cook me good balanced meals 7 days a week.
Well if you had a trillion bucks, you could probably get daily treatment for any negative effects from the smoking and fast food and enjoy life as irresponsibly as you please! :)
Here's the thing duder. Quit smoking now. It sucks, I know. I smoked for fifteen years. I quit cold turkey. You smoking a pack a a day? 5 bucks minimum. That's over $1500 a year my man. Congratulations you just bought a round trip ticket to Europe with your cigarette money. I quit and have been twice.
Taxtro1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:14:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You can do all of these things without a trillion dollars.
It's a trillion dollars. This would be a drop in the bucket at most. We could do half of the things in this entire comment section and barely make a dent.
honestly... it might. i mean, you'd have to be talking directly to countries to buy their debt to earn anything on interest.
seriously, a trillion dollars is nigh-incomprehensible as a monetary amount. you could buy up enough businesses that the FTC could slap you with antitrust accusations across dozens of industries simultaneously.
it's 'i could buy nova scotia' kinda money. or 'screw you guys, i'm building a starship' kinda money.
Sax45 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:48:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you could buy up enough businesses that the FTC could slap you with antitrust accusations across dozens of industries simultaneously.
That would depend on how you spent the money. You could buy Coke (market cap $180B) and Pepsi ($156B), and then buy Visa ($207B) and Mastercard ($120B), then buy Home Depot ($177B) and Lowes ($71B), and get their attention. Or you could buy just Apple (market cap $729B) and Bank of America ($265B) and be fine.
I'll sell it to you right now. Only 50 bucks. I'll send you certification and everything. I can't guarantee any country will recognize it but you can own it in my eyes..
Unoski ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:20:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's what "would you do," not "what GIANT thing would you do."
Sax45 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:37:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's already possible to get a music education at a public college for a reasonable amount of money -- and many, many great musicians never had any formal education at all.
What you really should do is set up a fund to employ musicians so that they can focus on music for their entire lives and not have to work a day job. With the interest on a trillion dollars, you could cover the living expenses of a million musicians.
Don't know if I agree with music education being at a โreasonableโ amount, but I absolutely agree with giving musicians an unlimited budget. Fuck whoever downvoted you, they probably know nothing about music.
How does this trillion manifest? If it's in my bank account I would not know until the next time I check my account, which is infrequently as I get paid every three moths, have minimal expenses, and mainly use cash.
If it was in cash I'd probably have to kick a path to the door and to the bathroom. I'd be kind of screwed as I'm living oversea and have no good way to deposit money into my home account and the local banks would likely have problems transferring enormous sums of money. Even without the transfer problem they'd charge a massive fee and the IRS would immediately investigate my account and probably confiscate the money (which they likely do if it showed up in my account as well).
If it showed up as a bank scrip for a new account in the Caymans or something I'd hope that all the account information was accurate so that I could access it and I'd need to then figure out how to get it to a banking system I trust better than some sketchy tax-haven area.
Once that was all sorted out, legal advice, property, travel, and residency status in a number of countries (you can fast track the residency in many counties by buying expensive property, keeping a large amount of money in a national account, or otherwise investing in the country).
Set up a fund for my folks and siblings, probably for a few friends as well. Establish a few endowments for environmental conservation and education.
Flight school, a few high speed driving classes, physical trainer to get me back into tip-top shape, scuba and skydiving lessons, build several of the houses I've designed, stuff like that.
Probably a trip into orbit as well, I'd be able to afford it.
I'd have a guy who's sole responsibility is to bring me the purest white straight from Colombia or wherever. Get him his own private jet so he could always go back for more.
Normal morning routine - the day just isn't right without sitting and staring into space for a few.
Hopefully on the toilet, because if I suddenly learned I had a trillion dollars, I'd most likely shit myself.
Call the bank and make sure it isn't a mistake, and when I learn it's my money, call an accountant and an attorney. Probably would forget to tell my job, and then might not bother because fuck them, no matter what I spend, I'd be a billionaire by the end of this.
After that, pay off debts. For myself, and the ones I care about.
As far as property, stop renting and just buy the apartment. Hell, the building. Hire a friend and pay him handsomely, as he does real estate and knows the laws, as well as having a great tech background. Maybe make it a super tech friendly building - better wireless and wired speed, etc. Of course, footing the bill for any and all repairs to the building. If anyone needs to be moved, pay for relocating them during repairs and make sure it's done quickly. I wouldn't raise rent on existing renters, and try to ensure that the rates don't get too high.
During this, take care of my health dammit. Even with insurance, it's expensive as hell.
Assuming all of that would cost me millions, I'd still have billions to play with.
Dump a bunch into savings, with some guidance from my new accountant about smart investments. Donate a lot, and try to create or contribute to existing organizations that help better the world. I think I'd focus on health care and nature/animals - health is important and often neglected, and I just love animals so why the hell not. We need that ecosystem!
Probably with all of that, travel a ton. Just whenever I wanted to pick up, just go. With the building I own being so tech-friendly, I should be able to work on things remotely if I so pleased.
Who the hell cares if you're on the toilet? Throw those clothes away. If you're buying the apartment building anyway, the remaining shit just became SEP.
Buy a little farm. Put enough away to live comfortably but not frivolously. Anonymously donate the rest. Enjoy financial stability without the emotional and mental repercussions that come with large sums of money.
I know this is the most boring answer of all, sorry. I wish I had something more interesting to offer but this would be my dream- not the trillion dollars, obviously, just the home and the stability.
Edited to add: Guys, I get it, donating almost a trillion dollars would be logistically tricky. If someone out there wants to randomly gift me a trillion dollars, I promise to hire someone clever to manage it. Deal?
Honestly, it would be difficult to properly donate that much money.
Buy little farm = at most $2,000,000
Enough to be comfortable but not frivolous = $10,000,000. You could live off the interest generated, about 200-300k a year if it's in a safe low risk investment.
So you've accounted for 12,000,000. You have 999,988,000,000 remaining. That's enough to buy Google outright and STILL have 400 billion dollars left over. It's such a staggeringly huge amount of money for an individual to have.
If you decided to give 50 million dollars to every charity you wanted to support, you would still need to select over 19000 different charities. Doing so would almost certainly have massive economic repercussions, and the amount of money lost to corruption and fraud would be astronomical.
But what if you didn't donate the 50 as one a time donation? What if you said something like (and I'm using a smaller example because, why? I don't fucking know.) "Ok Feeding America: I'm going to give every single one of your 200 Food Bank locations 50 million dollars. BUT, I'm going to spread that 50 million out over the next decade. Each location gets 5 million per year to spend on it's resources for the next decade."
Would that help curb any of the possible issues you mentioned?
It could potentially. You scenario only accounts for about 1% of the total amount talked about donating, which definitely would make it easier to give away without as large an economic impact.
That said, if food banks are suddenly buying $5mil worth of food, suppliers will be affected. They may run out of food, or raise prices along with the increased demand. This in turn could negatively impact a lot of lower income and middle class families, as well as local restaurants who's supply costs have increased.
Any large windfall of cash in an organization is going to have some issues. Many charity organizations are rife with wasteful spending practices, and a sudden huge influx of cash can exacerbate those issues (or just general corruption since some people suck).
What may work better is to gift it as an endowment. Essentially it's invested untouchable money who's interest generated is given to the organization. It provides them with a reliable source of funding, but keeps them operating at a level they are more used to.
Again though, there is a big difference between giving away 1% and 99.99%. With that kind of money, instead of only funding existing charities, you would probably be able to do significantly more good starting your own charitable company or research group.
You could afford to build a world class research lab, build a small suburb near a major city, pay the top 1000 doctors and scientists to move there, and pay them each $2 mil a year for 30 years to work together to form the greatest medical research team on earth. All that would still only cost you about $75-80 billion, so you would still have over 900 billion left over. It's such a staggeringly huge amount of money there really is very little you could not do.
Most boring answer? More like most reasonable. Having 1 trillion dollars ( or the entire US military budget, if I am not mistaken ) would be stressful. I get stressed having a $20 note in my pocket for crying out loud. Being able to maybe keep a generous amount of 20 million for myself and/or family for the future, give a little to my relatives and financially set up my Brother and Sister ( Who have Autism, even though my brother is not too bad my sister has ADHD as well, making life one shitstorm for her ). That other $950 million can go to Cancer Research, NASA and a few of my closest friends. ( Mainly Nasa and cancer/ other diseases/ disability research.)
A trillion dollars is orders of magnitude more money than anyone could really even spend. This is just shy of the GDP of Australia. You could buy a series of mansions, every car you could ever think to own, a private airport, all the sports teams you want, hundreds of absurdly high scholarship and charity programs, and so on... and you'd make a little dent.
[deleted] ยท 137 points ยท Posted at 14:16:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 128 points ยท Posted at 15:16:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd laugh knowing I was essentially the most powerful man in the world, able to singlehandedly change the US economy.
I just realized that kind of money is enough to make you the kind of person that if you wanted something that was no longer made, you have the power to literally build the manufacturing from the ground up to have it again.
For example an old sports car that you can't find a mint model of from collectors or whatever. You now have the money to buy the licencing, R&D, set up manufacturing and distribution to build a single, perfect to spec, 1972 Chevrolet Stingray exactly the same as one that came off the line in that year. Then shut it down and essentially do it dozens of times over for anything in life you've ever wanted. Exuberant amounts of money to produce one perfect brand new object of anything you've ever wanted.
There's a story of some ancient wealthy king who did that... He came to some country and spent so much gold that he single handedly caused an absurd amount of inflation and basically ruined the local economy. I'm on mobile, but maybe someone can link to what I'm thinking of.
Then watch as the diluted world drowns and cackle maniacally.
DrQuint ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:46:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you buy all the currency of, say, Zimbabwe, then the Zimbabwe dollar would actually increase in price due to the artificial demand and scarcity you're producing.
Imagine, the power to make any currency the most powerful in the world.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:29:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Imagine what you could do in a place like Chicago's south side, if you just bought up real estate as quickly as you could, until you owned a vast majority of it, then suddenly stopped charging rent. Commercial and residential.
But if you buy things on the same day you buy them all at pre-inflation prices. If you spent a trillion on assets, post-inflation economy would mean you would still be exactly as rich or more-so.
Depends what you want. Live in luxury, sure, you're set for 50 lifetimes. If you want to raise and equip a private mercenary army and go warlord, you'll go through your trillion in due time. There are always ways to spend all your money.
I have severe ADHD and I find it hard to live with, I cannot even imagine the stress of adding autism. I wish you and your family all the best. It's obvious you really care for them and that's such a beautiful thing.
You too. Bless you man, I hope you live a truly happy life. I can only imagine ADHD, or Autism, as I am the only child in the family without one or the other. Again, I truly do hope you live a happy life.
I have ADHD, no one I met would necessarily know (until they got to know me better and I think then it helps explain some slightly off things I do or say), but if you have seen Man of Steel - for me sometimes it feels like that scene in the classroom where he can hear and see everything and he hides in a cupboard. I almost cried the first time I saw that.
I used to freak out at big shopping centres as a kid because it was just TOO MUCH and my Mum never understood why. I still get throbbing migraines if we visit one for more than 20 minutes but thankfully my fiance prefers hiking to shopping.
There's this Jon Bellion song called Pre-Occupied that's like, my ADHD anthem. It's pretty cool. And it's a good reminder that our brains are different and often inconvenient but in a lot of ways they're cool as fuck
Cool I will check it out! Yeh I wasn't diagnosed until I was an adult, and often don't tell people, and also don't know anyone else who has it. Good to meet you!
Cool I will check it out! Yeh I wasn't diagnosed until I was an adult, and often don't tell people, and also don't know anyone else who has it. Good to meet you!
Ehhh...Medicare and Social Security are both closer to a trillion dollars than the National Defense budget. Defense is 3rd place in expenditure, followed (in relative terms) very closely by "welfare" programs.
Here's the data from 2016. I don't think the new administration has released it's budget yet.
Lotta folks like to comment on the huge defense budget; but it's not as huge as one would think. It's actually pretty on-par with the core-tenets of things that government is supposed to provide for the citizens.
If you look down at the smallest and least-important block, it says "other." That block is larger than the whole Science collection of blocks--which includes NASA's budget.
That's not boring. My first thought was that I could get my car fixed.
Mail540 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:02:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you ever wake up with a trillion I'm taking donations. Also I think your answer is probably the best and almost exactly what I'd do
UiiN ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:36:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That answer isn't boring at all. You'd get to live happy in what ever place you choose with no massive worries, you'd make a massive change somewhere in the world and be able to chill in your farm knowing the change you've made to so many lives!
I like this answer.
Dent18 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:22:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Absolutely same here. I'm in college now and so tired of all of it.
A sublime little farmhouse with some land would be amazing. I could play my drums without anyone complaining.
if you're going to anonymously donate it don't do it as just big-ass lump gifts. set up a foundation and fund that and let the foundation do good throughout the world for the next like, thousand goddamn years.
aspa07 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:05:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same! I have no desire to be the richest stiff in the cemetery. I dream of just being able to put my bills on auto-pay, have a Subaru, nice cabin in the woods by a ski resort, and live carefree. Maybe a little extra to travel different parts of the world here and there. That's the dream.
Very similar to my answer. Except I'd buy a big farm or two or three and give jobs to people who wanna work and pay them very well. Donate all money made from the farms. Completely pesticide free, no chems, no hormones. Also have some extra land where I can safely shoot all kinds of guns and host target shooting tournaments. I'm only close to some of my family so those who want to move and live with me are free to do so and they'd live comfortably as well.
Also, land where I can off-road with all the coolest pickups and even luxury cars.
Vanetia ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:45:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a little farm. Put enough away to live comfortably but not frivolously. Anonymously donate the rest. Enjoy financial stability without the emotional and mental repercussions that come with large sums of money.
This is basically my idea. There's even a plot of land near me I have my eye on but could never buy unless I hit the jackpot. I want a 5 bed house (at most--probably happy with 3 as long as I have a large game room/gym). I also want a couple "tiny" homes one for guests (so they have a house instead of just a room when they visit) and one for my craft house (so I can make stuff without my clutter spilling all over the rest of my house).
Large area for an orchard. Large area for fostering dogs and giving them plenty of (safe) outdoor space to roam. I don't even know what I'd do with all of it. (It's a ~28 acre lot I'm daydreaming over). Maybe just ensure I have plenty of area for riding a bike or ATV or hiking or something. All in "my own backyard".
That wouldn't even put a DENT in a trillion. I could fund every single project on Donor's Choose, end homelessness in at least my county if not state, etc.
This is exactly what we want, including little guests houses and fostering dogs.
You're me, aren't you?
Vanetia ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:50:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha! I guess so!
Tell you what. If I ever get a trillion dollars, I will search through my post history to find you and give you more than enough to do this very thing so we can both live our happy dog-filled farm lives :D
Agreed. Only to add to the farm I would also purchase a lake house and a boat or two.
I can't imagine a better life. Days are spent tending to the farm and off time is spent at the lake nestled in the mountains. You have so much money that it's wisely invested and making money for itself. The only worry that you have is if the horse got bloat again.
Unfortunately donating the rest would cause the value of the dollar to plummet and destabilize the global economy. Flooding the market with this much money would fuck things up pretty bad
elan913 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:02:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh hey that's just like my answer. And I thought I was alone. No one really needs a trillion dollars, just a place to rest your head financially worry-free every night. And you can achieve that with far less than a trillion.
I love farms. Raised on one. Still want to buy one for some reason. Worst part about a farm is all the upkeep. Constant upkeep like owning 2 houses and all the yard between and whatever livestock, equipment, and land you have to tend too. Plus often bad but still expensive internet and no nearby pizza places :/
Only thing I'd be worried about with donating it would be ensuring that such a large amount of cash doesn't get into the hands of people who might start doing shady things. I'd be devastated if it somehow got spent on weapons or making the gap between the 1% and everyone else even wider.
The first bit of your plan sounds awesome tho :)
Where do you anonymously donate the rest? With great power comes great responsibility Peter.
Zerotan ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 17:51:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not to crush your soul or nothin, but you'd have to unplug completely and teach yourself to be ignorant of the global human suffering you'd be capable of preventing.
I guess it's not too hard, since I already do that buy not saving all those African kids for the price of a coffee per day.
[deleted] ยท 79 points ยท Posted at 14:09:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd guess the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation has the most experience (and potential) with handling large amounts of money. But still, 999 billion is so staggering, I can't help but think it'd ruin economies.
Najd7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah you would
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 18:45:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This thread is already old so this will get buried but I wanted to answer for funsies.
I would start building orphanage's all over the world to take in refugee children and foster children. These places would be like a school with all housing, food and medical taken care of for these kids. I would then raise a huge private army to protect all my children. Some of these kids will stay to continue the upkeep and future care of the next generation of orphans while many would go on to college. I would invest in the best universities in the world and ensure proliferation of my children thru all facets of science and government in governments all over the world. Hopefully before I see the end of my life one of them will have developed the ability to extend life. I would basically use the loyalty and devotion of my children who I had rescued from the lowest order of living standards of humanity to do my will and bidding across the world. I would invest heavily in the prison systems of the world as well trying to rehabilitate as many as possible and recruiting them into a system to give them technical jobs in the trades to be the backbone of my growing empire of orphanages across the globe. Within 3-4 generations hopefully I will be the great grandfather of a new one world order.
That'd be a huge deal. People would be buying shit, business would be good, companies would be hiring... It'd probably be better to give out like $500/yr and space it out some.
A trillion? Nope. Nobody's even broken the $100b mark.
If you had $1t, you'd have more money than Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, Mark Zuckerberg, Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, Michael Bloomberg, and pick any 4 other stupidly wealthy people combined.
Adjusted for inflation and what not, the richest person in history, Mansa Musa, had a net worth of $400b. This dude literally destroyed economies in his wake when he traveled. You'd be two and a half of him.
Don't feel bad, most people can't wrap their heads around a trillion dollars. Which is why people don't lose their shit when thinking about the national debt.
A trillion is 1000 billion, with a trillion dollars you would personally have more wealth than over half of the countries on earth produce in GDP. It's a lot of money.
its a family that supposedly owns up to 500 trillion (probably fake though) from banking and investing. but since its spread out between members of the family so the most one person has is "only" 20 billion.
there's also lots of conspiracy theories surrounding them that they control most, if not all, of the worlds money and banks.
Give everyone who lines up $100,000 with the stipulation that to receive the $100K, you need to get a small tattoo of the text "100K" on your face.
ukiyoe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:35:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
More fun would be to give the working class in Marin County a several million each, making them richer than the residents. Turn the tables and watch them squirm.
sekter ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:01:52 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
300x1 = 300.
Dent18 ยท -15 points ยท Posted at 14:20:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I deadass don't get inflation at all. Why wouldn't people just go about their lives, chuffed that they have some extra money, maybe buy a new TV or something?
Just because you 'feel' the money is less valuable doesn't mean you have to be a knobhead and raise prices
Basically, if everyone suddenly had an extra million dollars, they'd go out and buy things, quit their jobs etc. The supply of goods would then decrease, causing the price to rise (supply and demand). Also, if a large number of people quit their jobs, then the supply of workers would be low. Companies would then have to offer higher salaries in order to attract a workforce.
A good way to get an understanding of inflation is to look at real-world examples of hyperinflation. For example, at one point in russia, the government was in huge debt, so they printed a bunch of money. They paid this money to the people owed it, who then spent it, and soon everyone had a tiny chunk of this extra money. People who before had pennies to their name, could now afford to fill a wheelbarrow with 100$ bills (but in russian money). So when you have a billion dollars and own a bakery, and just spent hours making bread, are you gonna accept 2$ for one of your loaves? You'd be mad to, 2$ is nothing to you, you'd be better off closing the bakery and going on holiday! And you know the customers can afford to pay more, EVERYONE is a millionaire now.
So you raise your prices to 1000$ for a loaf of bread, and it's no big deal to all the multimillionaires around you. Of course, everyone else had the same idea and if you want an apple, that'll be 2000$. Oh, and your employees want million-dollar raises now that you're charging so much for bread, and they'll starve if you don't give it to them, because all food costs as much as yours.
And next week, the government's gonna print even more money, and then you'll be a trillionaire!
It's pretty boring but a lot of it I'd donate or give to remove the stress of essentially becoming the number one target for any crime. I'd keep enough to live semi indulgently. I'd fund scientific research of cancer and other diseases that are big problems and I'd give to charities, as well as close friends and family. Would probably go to the homeless shelter and pay everyone out so they can get a house and their life.
[deleted] ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 14:17:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a nice house , buy all my friends and parents nice houses . Give everything to my best friends that the could need and want , they have been the most amazing people to me and I just want to spoil them and make them happy forever , help my friend with comics he's working on, help my friend get her citizenship things like that . Send my daughter to the best possible school I can and get her the help ( she has some now but public schools can only do so much ) she needs , she is ( mildly thankfully ) autistic . Go on vacation everywhere ! Open up and animal sanctuary , donate a shit ton , probably adopt a few kids from bad situations , or third world countries and probably some shallow shit like new teeth and some lipo , hire a personal trainer go try all that dumb expensive food , maybe buy a yacht , take all the dance and art and singing classes I want to take but can't afford , stay in really expensive hotels , but an island shit like that .
Neolife ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:14:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All of this combined is probably gonna cost you about $1B. This isn't "Buy an island" money, it's "Buy a country" money. And not little shit like Lithuania. We're talking enough money to buy New Zealand, basically.
Ok maybe I'll buy two islands then and build my own privet resort that only me and my friends can use and hire staff to run and give staff really good places to live on the Island and give all my best friends so they never have to work and can just hang out with me all the time instead haha
First, I would verify I have full access and legal posession of said "money".
After that however long that takes I'd immidiately invest a few hundred into near term funds 2-5 year type stocks and if bonds exist at that level.
Next, I'd take about 500B and start an infrastructure investment firm. I would allow cities, communities, countries, and even independent citizens the chance to submit requests for investment as long as they met one of four potential criteria:
Does the project improve overall community transportation and operate not for profit?
Free reliable access to clean water (can be as basic as a deployable single solution like a pump jack powered by wind/solar)
Provide access to unfiltered free (or not for profit) internet (must be semi long term solution for at least 5-10 year operational capability)
Enable the unprivileged to learn STEM concepts to apply them in their community or country.
Ideally, I would approve bike infrastructure, light cheapish and reliable rail solutions, parks, schools, hacker spaces that promote collaboration rather than exploitation, and many other civilization growth focused ideas.
The rest of the funds well, I'd invest directly in a community of my choosing where internet was previously monopolized (I'd put in gig fiber AND wireless solutions), water quality is marginal, and road infrastructure is on the decline. All of which would get progressive improvements where able.
That community would be adjacent to where I'd build my compound. Yes, compound for my sanity and isolation. I would use that space as I pleased with a full development lab, data center, world class gym with pool, medical facilities, dual aircraft hangers complete with small to mid weight unattended, but secure private airport, and associated dormitories for staff and students if required. Ideally those folks would live in the town.
This would enable folks to arrange for their ideas, and maybe prototypes to be brought in for demonstrations near the flightline.
If said flightline so happens to be periodically rented for racing or events for the town, well I'm OK with that too...Maybe.
This "location" could be anywhere, but ideally I'm a stable Democratic national with a history of stability and security. Doesn't have to be any of the usual names either.
Now the conditions of said town also require some general adherence to rules such as:
No criminal behavior of any kind is allowed within city limits or the compound. Software is licensed, food and drink is paid for, drugs beyond weed are banned, excessive speed past special permitted units is banned, oppressive religious activities or political behavior is "requested" to move to a designated or agreed community bldg for that group. There is no freedom to wear masks or concealing type garments to hide one's identity. If your in the community you should want to know who others faces are there too otherwise what's the point of that town?
Yes, it's hypocritical that I want private use facilities or systems, but don't want privacy to a degree in public. However, I'm footing the initial bill and eventually my facities would be made available to the town completely (hint it'll be allowed in progressive levels until I pass).
A trillion bucks is a lot of money and if properly invested could help start another micro community of progressive technological advance for all of humanity instead of other militaristic or geo political self focused capitalistic reasons.
Again, the private facilities would be not only my private use, but to nurture more "sensitive" works that need time to mature. Individuals and teams that have those areas would be given lodging on the compound until their projects and missions were accomplished. The missions would be released for free to the town, and within half a year of stable success to the world for non profit purchasing and deployment.
OK you got here tldr: I'm a frigin nice bond villain OK?
Buy a house for myself. Buy my sister and her husband new cars. Pay off my nephew's college. Donate a nice chunk to the humane society, then put the rest away. Oh, and get another tattoo.
686t ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:41:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What are you going to do with the 999 billion you have left?
By the time u did that you would have gained money on interest alone. If you did all that at the same exact time....u would still have paid it off with juat interest
If you play the Mega Millions only when the final lump payout (after taxes) is worth more than $259 Million. You can buy 1 ticket of every possible number. Guaranteed win unless something is wrong with my arithmetic.
Kai2525 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 14:36:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would immediately commission the development of a Googolplex supercomputer.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 17:04:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tell you what I'd do man... two chicks at the same time.
I once told that if you ever win the lottery (10M+) to take all but a couple hundred thousand and put it into 6 month Bonds or GIC's to give yourself time to figure out what to do with. This also leaves you with 300K to blow on anything you can think of.
Finally. I've been scrolling down these indulgent answers looking for this one.
Avalain ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:20:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would probably build a ton of solar and wind energy, as well as invest in Tesla to help them build up the super charging stations. Perhaps it would flood the market with electricity, which I'd subsidize in hopes of putting the coal plants out of business.
I'd also open a foundation to pull countries out of extreme poverty.
I would also vote/be forced to vote for you if you promised to abolish all "traffic calming" measures in the UK, and remove them all in a year.
For every one hundred new homes built, the developer MUST finance or build a pub for the locals to drink in. It must not be a shite wetherspoons, it must be a free house with plenty of beer garden space etc.
Abolish VAT
Abolish 6 penalty points on your license for drivers that have only been driving for 2 years autoban.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:23:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like your suggestions but with the vote thing.. What if I made it painfully easy for people to vote. Like put an automatic and easy to use voting booth on every street like the old payphones that used to hang around.
And the booth allows you to login with your name and [some private credential] and you can vote on literally any legislation that is up for vote.
Also I make a website which what is up for vote and a friendly explanation as to what said thing actually means in layman's terms.
Nah actually people would still make excuses and forget to vote in their millions, or they would get vandalised or hacked or stolen or ringfenced by gangs extorting people.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 13:50:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make them white and graffiti-able for all
Bolt em to the floor
I'm rich I can pay people to constantly be upping the security
You would cause uproar nationally deciding what is a "luxury" item. Its too open to misinterpretation. Nice idea though. Perhaps we can calculate who has to pay VAT based on how much income tax they pay?
Doesn't matter if you think it's stupid,millions of people are addicted to smoking and do not want to quit.
If you make tobacco illegal it would result in mass increase of incarceration rates,violent rioting and more importantly,contraband meaning more power and money to organized crime and gangs.
Do you really think it's a good idea?
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 11:45:50 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think it's a good idea but I will do it anyway.
I really don't understand this mindset that people have where they're so pro-weed but think tobacco should be illegal. It literally makes no sense. You would be creating the exact same problems as you are so out to solve by legalizing weed - only they'd be even worse because tobacco is actually really freaking addictive. Did you learn nothing from history class with prohibition. Honestly - every time someone says "weed should be legal, but tobacco should be illegal" i just imagine a stoner between 16-22 who doesn't understand how the world works, and is just envisioning this great society where they can get high every day, but those evil tobacco products are magically gone. Sorry for the personal jab, but, really. I see this all the time and it makes literally 0 sense.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:55:26 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well. I am looking from a health perspective. Weed might have ill effects for the user. Tobacco has proven ill effects for the user and everyone around them.
Granted I don't take things like addicted people or the sheer amount of money said product rakes in into account.
Don't get too upset - but 1 trillion dollars is only enough to fund the NHS for 7 years. Sure, you could do a lot of good in terms of NHS infrastructure (e.g. build a bunch of hospitals) but you can't do THAT much with a trillion dollars.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:47:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What if I trillions my way into politics as opposed to just funding it myself. It means I couldn't lower taxes but I could try moving money around.
I think if you ran with a credible campaign saying that you will personally pay for the deficit then you'd have a pretty good shot. You could also recruit a load of specialists (ideally people with existing name recognition like Steven Hawking as shadow science minister or Gary Lineker for sport) on high wages as MPs and parachute them into seats. You would have enough money for a solid advertising campaign, so people should at least be aware of your party.
I guess you could probably pay off 1/2 the national debt (ยฃ1.7 Trillion) and still have 200 billion quid to play with. Wonder what the country would do with that.
Maybe throw in a few billion quid to build some nice shiny new hospitals
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:24:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy a house for my family, somewhere central but with a yard. I might actually build that house and while it's being build live in the awesome apartment I'll also buy. Then I'd buy all the fancy equipment for my photographer husband and subscribe my son to all the fancy schools. Then I'd put a sum of money away - enough to never needing to work again - and donate the rest/give to people I care for/take a bath in it. And then travel the damn world for a bit before having all the babies and enjoying my life.
Well, considering that 1 trillion would make me a target, here's how I'd go about my day, assuming I'm the only one who knows about my new wealth, and that no one will find out until I start to take actions that indicate that I'm now worth a trillion dollars:
Wake up as usual, make breakfast, shower, head to work. Begin seeking legal advice and financial advice, but lie about how much I've inherited: a fairly well-off uncle passed away, and I'm anticipating a 7-figure inheritance. Find a good attorney, and find good protection services.
Next I'd seek out encryption/security experts who can help me have the safest possible online presence, and who can make sure this 1 trillion isn't easily accessed. I'm still not admitting how much there is. I'm sure at this point anyone tracking my interactions will think there's something fishy going on, but hopefully they don't know the extent of it, and I can get protection in place before anyone finds out I'm now worth 1/20 of US public debt.
Now, let's say it's noon and all of that is squared away. I'm transferring 250K to my checking account, paying off my student loans, and buying a new Audi for shits and giggles, and then setting up a fund/corporation that will hold most of this damn money. I'm also working with my new team of people to split this money into several different types: gold, bitcoin, digital currency, US and foreign cash, etc, and it's getting split into different locations.
Now, assuming everything is squared away and I can move about without stressing that I'm about to get killed or robbed, I'm meeting up with my parents and transferring 15 million into their savings accounts and paying off their house, and transferring the same amount to my siblings. What are they going to do with a billion? Who knows, we'll worry about it later. I'm also paying off all the debt of my close friends, whether that's house, school, medical, anything, and giving each of them one million in college funds for their kids. Let's say that by the end of it all I've spent 100 million in a day. A lot, but it's a lot of stuff checked off. I've also 100% quit my job, and here's what comes next:
I hire people who will train me to be good at what I want to do in life: programming, database design, skiing, climbing, gymnastic strength, etc. Plus personal chefs and such. Not that I want restricted autonomy, but why go to school when I can get the best tutors?
Take 2 months off work to travel and have fun before trying to build and start my own business. Life is miserable if you're just doing leisure 100% of the time.
Start getting lobbyists who will help influence politics the way I want them to go. Make friends with politicians and business leaders.
Hang out with Elon Musk
Buy a Singer Vehicle Design Porsche, those things are beautiful
Figure out how to build an effective philanthropy organization to start giving this money away in a responsible way
A trillion isn't gonna be enough for that, I don't think. I mean, it divides out to $133 per person, worldwide. That's not gonna buy that much internet.
"Everyone"? as in, the whole world? A trillion divides out to $133 per person on the world scale. Solar installs at around $5/watt right now ... so everyone gets maybe 25W?
I'm going to build a community for my friends and family to live in. A wonderful place with a gym, indoor swimming pool, clubhouse with a big kitchen, park, etc. Big art studio, blacksmithing shop, community gardens, and camping areas.
All the houses will be handicapped accessible so nobody has to move because of age or health problems. We'll have solar panels and sustainable materials and super fast WiFi throughout the neighborhood.
I'll pay people to run the gym, etc... landscaping and housekeeping services will be available to everyone in the community, and the employees will be paid very well and have full benefits.
It will be a designated wildlife reserve. Deer and birds and trash pandas everywhere. We'll just need high fences around the gardens.
Then... I guess a bunch of travel and charity work. I've got everything I want that money can buy at that point, and the trillion dollars will keep generating more money, so I can help tons of people indefinitely. I'll spend the rest of my life learning new things, making art, and doing good.
I'd hire a lawyer, an accountant, and a hardcore, double tapping, body stacking personal protection team before I even rolled over in bed and informed my wife and cat.
I would spend the day searching for companies to build my dream house/garage. It will be on the coast of Maine near Old Orchard Beach. Three bedroom, two full bath, one half-bath. Living room will have a loft/balcony in it to the upstairs. To the right side of the house, a large six car garage with a mechanic area for parts/work/repairs and whatnot.
In said garage, I will have all bays filled with: 2017 Audi R8 V10 Plus (stock), 2016 Jeep Grand Cherokee SRT (American Racing Torque Thrust II 20' rims), 1992 Nissan Skyline GTR R32 (stock), 1969 Chevrolet Camaro RS (custom body kit), 1985 Toyota Hilux 4x4 (three inch lift, wider tires, lightbar, push bar), 1985 Toyota Sprinter Trueno GT Apex [AE86] (full Origin body kit, Rays TE37V 17' rims). Lastly, a 2014 Honda CBR650F and 2016 BMW R1200 GS Adventure in the empty space by the mechanic area.
Give some of the money to each of my close friends and family, as well as buy my mom, dad, step-dad, brother, and two best friends their dream cars.
Never work for the rest of my life.
EDIT: This is all, of course, assuming it's in USD.
Nah man. The half would be downstairs, both full upstairs. One for the two smaller bedrooms, one for the master.
EDIT: Dammit. I get it now.
Taxtro1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:26:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That doesn't even scratch the surface of a trillion. You might as well answer the question: "What would you buy with a million dollars?" with "a hamburger".
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:38:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would travel the world. Not in a touristy kind of way but go from city to city at my leisure, probably hire some guides, eat all the good food, see anything I wanted to see.
Taxtro1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:21:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's exactly what tourists do. Going from city to city at their leisure. Hiring guides. Eating all the good food. And seeing anything they want to see.
That's pretty much the DEFINITION of tourism.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:41:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:29:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a student currently. If I don't go to work while going to school, it wouldn't be hugely suspicious as it would be if I was a working adult who just stopped adulting.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:59:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job.
Somehow convince my girlfriend to drop her PhD. Likely by telling her that we'll travel to all the places she want to go to.
Pay off my student loans, my girlfriend's student loans, my brother's mortgage, and my brother's car.
Move somewhere we want to live.
Buy a house there.
Travel to all those places.
Who gives a fuck what I do from here? I still have $999 billion.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:38:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The United States is 19.964 trillion in debt. I wonder how much effect your 1 trillion would have? Like it wouldn't fix anything but you can pay back a lot of things for the government.
The first thing would be to fully fund my daughter's education, and buy her a house. Second would be to buy my parents a house tailored to their needs (my dad's health is failing). Third would be to buy a cafe on the west coast, and a small bungalo with room for an art studio so I can spend my days cooking, baking, painting and sculpting.
With the other $990million, I'd invest a large chunk to be able to care for my family and friends when they need it, and then give large chunks to Planned Parenthood and a couple of shelters for victims of domestic violence that I've worked with. And possibly start my own program for those families.
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 10:33:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you payed the debts of Greece for example, you could own the country. Force them to sign an agreement handing over Greek sovereignty to you if you bail them out.
It really doesn't work like that. Paying off a country's debt wouldn't grant you sovereignty over that country, any more than Greece's current creditors 'own' Greece.
kewko ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:27:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out
Taxtro1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:24:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A trillion doesn't accomplish the physically impossible.
Money is only worth something, because of other people accepting it's worth. It doesn't magically bind others to your will.
gwh21 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 11:39:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For me:
Houses/Condo's: Seattle, San Diego, New York, Miami, London, Hong Kong, and Sydney. Cabin somewhere in the middle of nowhere Montana on a whole bunch of land.
2 cars each, appropriate for location.
Private Jet
200 foot yacht
Private security of ex Navy Seals
and a vasectomy after getting an ample amount frozen
Shit, that leaves me with only 998 billion (minimum)
For the world:
Oh I don't know, solve a majority of problems facing mankind and the environment without dropping below 200 billion...probably ever
There's no way you'd even crack 999 billion with that list. Unless you tip your guard 10 figures.
gwh21 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:59:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry, I have never really priced out how much a billion dollars would get me. I guess I just need to needlessly customize everything to crack that billion dollar mark.
You see, I wouldn't just buy a House in Seattle, I'd buy the Space Needle... Knock it down and put a small European Castle There, same with the First National Bank Center (SD), the Empire State Building, and so on...
I'm talking like $50M homes on the sites of hundred million dollar buildings...
Vehicles would include Ford GT's and Kreisel electric G wagons...
It wouldn't just be some stupid learjet, it'd be a $150M Boeing 747-8 Business Jet... and a stupid learjet to go to airports too small to fit my main jet.
My yacht wouldn't be 200 feet, it'd be a private Harmony of the Seas with no less than 6 helipads. $2B on its own...
Private security is expensive... Say you hire a SEAL at only $50k/yr...
You also need a vehicle, a JLTV is $400k, lasts 10 years and fits 4. $10k/yr/guard.
Weapons, an M4, Glock 21, Lethal and NonLethal Mossburg 500's, as well as ammunition and accessories will run $15k/guard.
Training can run $10k/yr, cause you don't want them to get lazy.
Non weapons gear such as ballistic protection, visual gear, and uniforms are easily $30k/guard.
You need at least 1 helicopter, 2 boats, and two planes to protect your assets while you're travelling. $10M, $500k, $60M.
And you need more than just one or 2... it'd take 4 to staff around the clock, two squads of six mean you're employing 100 guards.
Almost $70M by the time you're building outposts and other infrasture, plust $10m/year...
Okay. I get that you're trying to be edgy but you entirely missed the point. I said:
with that list.
You changed pretty much everything on the original list to make it more expensive. The guy said he'd buy houses/condos in each of those places. You changed it to an observation tower, a castle, a bank, a skyscraper, etc. Instead of a private jet, you opted for a commercial jet AND a private jet. This is the best part. On the list, the guy says "200 ft. yacht", you BLATANTLY say "My yacht wouldn't be 200 feet". You couldn't be more explicitly off-list than that. Even though you embellished how much goes into private security, it doesn't really matter on the scale of billions. You then added vehicles that somehow protect your assets? You have no clue what protecting your assets means... You just threw in a random number of each vehicle to sound edgy.
But the best part is your guess at all the rates.
hire a SEAL at only $50k/yr...
$10k/yr/guard.
ammunition and accessories will run $15k/guard.
Training can run $10k/yr,
$30k/guard.
plust $10m/year... (which you just tacked on for no reason)
fed45 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:21:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Upvoted for at least thinking of more than "pay off my debt buy parents house".
Give to a political party
finance gun runners
use it to try and reanimate the dead
stick it up my arse and try to vomit it up
Theres quite a lot I wouldn't do with it.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:25:56 on March 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i dunno...that whole reanimate the dead thing has potential...
juicius ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:21:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your mum.
Not anymore anyway.
MrZer0x ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:16:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably stay In bed and shop online and buy anything I remotely like. Oh and get my mum a nice house somewhere warm and tropical, she's deserves it :)
Of course, most of those things are the important things to me. I'm not one for material items. And the things on my list I could do without a trillion dollars, however they would take time. With the money I could do it all right away.
Yeah, there is definitely more I could add to the list. Like starting a business, investing in the stock market, becoming involved in the community more. Private donations.
I've always wanted a nice cottage with a few boats, hell maybe I'd even buy a whole lake.
Bill gates looks at you, shrugs, and tells you he already magicked another trillion into existence, and you can keep yours as long as you don't mess up the economy or tell anyone wizards exist.
You could buy all the supercar companies and force the prices down to 10,000 a car. You'd run yourself out of business but how hilarious would it be for a bunch of McLarens to be driven around by ordinary people?
Today I met a /u/aurorahalsey, and then you. Halo is awesome, but why all the love?
Also, competent isn't good enough, this is a trillion dollars. Hire all the best actors in hollywood and get it to god-tier quality.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:31:11 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well given the track record with Halo series budget and end result obviously a few dozen million isn't enough to get competent writers and actors let alone CG.
Why the love for ONI or Halo? ONI is a fantastic narrative device and Halo is awesome in how grounded it tries to be despite the setting.
Euchre ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:43:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wonder what the hell happened overnight to cause that kind of hyperinflation.
One trillion? Obviously all the "I've got money now wooohoo" stuff but more seriously:
Start a new political party in my country. Our prime minister is an 18th century aristocratic fop who wants to let the poor eat cake. We've lost 1 man, one vote in one state and state governments are creating recessions where there should be a boom. Our environmental treasures are being destroyed by greedy fossil fuel companies.
If I had 1 trillion it would be unbelievably selfish to not use that money to try and change where I live for the better.
Yum4pi ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:39:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd donate half of it to various charities, and I'd make music for the rest of my life. However, I wouldn't flaunt my wealth, and if anything i'd lie about it to my friends and family. In my will i would donate all my assets to various other charities, and basically make the world a better place quietly.
I'd offer Trump 1 billion dollars to shave his head to make it look like he were bald, then after he's shaved his head I would not pay him any money. I would then spend the money on a long drawn out legal battle over him shaving his head.
I probably was drugged. Agreed to be a hitman. Killed a Drug Lord. Robbed their mansion. Ordered pizza. Went to bed. Now I'm here with a bank account of nine hundred ninety-nine billion nine hundred ninety-nine million nine hundred ninety-nine thousand nine hundred eighty. Because minus $20 for pizza.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:49:49 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
{Supposing I had physical control of the 1 trillion dollars in cash or gold and it's not just credit}
Step 1. Give 30 mil each to my closest people
Step 2. Buy a really nice purple suit
Step 3. Buy some really nice weed and pills
Step 4. Buy several private armies and several country's militaries
Step 5. Declare war on the banks and lay siege to their homes
Step 6. Invest the rest in bribing my several secrete successors to continue the war after my eventual assassination
Well I'll use my trillion dollars to outbid you, and give this guy gold for all the fun his question has given me. And I'll hire a bodyguard to protect your cheerios.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:28:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i would hire a lawyer to do my talking for me and disappear
_BumGun ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 11:21:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hookers and blow man - if it ain't broke don't fix it
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:56:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy and fortify, I'll build up a whole castlesque fortresses with everything you'll need to live and land to grow things then begin hoarding for survival. I'd want to own a small mountain and it's surrounding land I think a trillion would be more than enough for building and development of it even if it was raw ground
There are plenty of places in the US where you can get land for as little as $1,000/acre. You could literally buy 20 square miles in each of Oregon, Idaho, Wyoming, Montana, and Florida for $100,000,000 and still have 99.99% of your money left over.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:25:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then I shall build a grander fortification, the farm houses will have gilded countertops.
You could put a 40' high concrete wall around every one of the 5 properties (assuming they're square) for less than $2 billion. You still have $997 billion to spend on gilded countertops :)
Donate 500 billion of it to charities and investment. Give 250 billion of it to family. Use the rest to buy useless shit.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:50:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would help everyone in my family. Make sure that my father gets the care that he needs, get them a new house, new car, etc...
I'd buy houses with my partner, in locations we've always wanted to visit. And I'd help his family, too.
It's a pretty generic response, I know...but I care more for them than I do myself.
mag1xs ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:51:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Email my boss "not coming in today, or ever.. won money" and then proceed to buy a few houses and jack the garages up with cars I've always dreamt about having but will never have..
Immediately look into where it came from, since it's probably a mistake, and one trillion dollars puts a giant target on my back. Like, was it a bank error? Did I stumble upon a stash of, like, mob money? Either way I don't do a damn thing until I'm 100 percent sure it's on the up-and-up, and the source of the money isn't going to come around looking.
I'd give my immediate family a billion dollars each, donate millions to various organizations and quit my job. Buy a castle in Europe and leave there until the end of my days.
Hire a lawyer. Hire realtor. Pay off my cars. Open college fund for kids. Get full custody. Buy house. Donate to children's hospital. In that order because the lawyer and realtor needed a moment to do their jobs.
jcpmojo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:58:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First thing is to keep it a secret. Then quit my job, buy a nicer house with some land and privacy, but not a huge mansion, just one big enough for my family with some room. Then plan a nice vacation. Then hire one of my oldest friends who's a financial manager to start figuring out an investment strategy, paying him too much so he and his family are set for life, as well.
First, I'd pay off all the debts of everyone I know. Then, I'd write a check to my parents for $100 billion, and one to both of my brothers for $50 billion. Then, I would donate $100 million to every charity I like. I would then form an endowment fund of $10 billion with set payouts to my home town to stimulate the economy. I would then pay off all current debts of my home state of WV and form a similar endowment fund, but with $100 billion. So far, I have distributed $340.1 billion assuming $100m in debts of people I know, and $25b in debt of my state.
Next, I would form a holding company to manage the many businesses I would buy. Let's say I spend a total of $300 billion on the company and the businesses. The criteria for the businesses would be that they have to be awesome. This would include anything from restaurants to race tracks. $600.1bn so far.
After that, I would form a personal wealth company to handle my personal property, because then I would splurge. I would buy a home in every place I think is cool. Monaco, Paris, London, the Scottish Highlands, Istanbul, NYC, LA, Alaska, Tokyo, and so on. The goal is 20 different homes/condos/flats/penthouses. Let's say it costs me an average of $15m per home. I would then buy a massive tract of land and build my dream home. This one would cost $250m and would be equipped with all sorts of home automation. At this home would be a personal airfield and a collection of garages and hangars. That would all cost around $3bn. I would then buy cars and airplanes, amassing the largest collection I could bear. This would cost about $10bn. Lastly, I would buy a yacht. Not one that's too big, but big enough to sail across oceans and loaded with the same automation from my home. I'd estimate $5bn on the ship. That brings me to a total of $341.35 billion left over. I would then use the remaining money as I see fit at the time, and I would spend my days traveling the world and enjoying my life, as well as dropping loads of money on people to help them do the things they want to do.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:57:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, I would be way to nervous to spend it until I learned where it came from. If you are accidentally given money in your account, you aren't allowed to just spend it ...
zth ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:08:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would donate majority of that shit. Imagine being the first trillionaire in this economic climate?
Pay my student loans, and my siblings' student loans, and my parents' debts, and my rent and then with the three dollars I have left over, I would get a cookie.
BobbyDA ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:11:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd create a trust to fund an independent media organization dedicated to investigative journalism that isn't beholden to advertisers or the government, and that doesn't have to worry about clicks or ratings.
Give all but about about fifty million to charity...After that I'd retire, and live the life. Pretty simple.
Gravey9 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:30:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Payoff all debt. Sell house and move to a mansion somewhere warm. Buy a few cars. Take a million and have an investor take care of it for me. Any money made would go to charity groups I feel deserve it. Start up a youth hockey program, and baseball program somewhere and make it the best place to play. Travel.
Pay off all my friends' and family's debt and make sure everyone I know is well off, likely all multi-millionaires....also I would donate a fuck load of money to CMHA and local hospice centres...then I'd buy a massive house with a massive garage and full it with fast cars to race on a private track with my friends...and probably a dog...dogs are dope
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:53:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy AT&T & Comcast and burn every last inch of it to the ground.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:02:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay mine and my parents debts in full, pay my brothers student loans, buy a small cozy house, seek out an investor to help me properly invest some, put 2 million in the bank to hold on to, donate the remainder to the ACLU.
Steveth ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:06:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to all my classes like every Friday. Then go home like every Friday. But since tomorrow is my boyfriend's birthday and we're going out to dinner with his dad and a friend. I would buy everyone's dinner and maybe suggest on going to a movie.
Buy an ad spot on the superbowl to air some first world grievances
slykane ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:31:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep. I could afford to.
obihave ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:32:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Send out a bunch of emails claiming I am a Nigerian prince with a fortune to give away and actually following through. Give 100k or so to the first 20 people actually paid the fee and give out their account numbers. Just to watch the world burn :)
Pay off all the debt my ex wife racked up in my name and then buy a house for me and my fiance that is wheelchair accessible for her handicap son and for all of our kids!
Probably spend some time trying to figure out where the money came from/ how to give it back as I would be sure I would end up owing that money if I spent it and the mistake was found out later.
May as while keep it and gain a little interest until someone attempts to get it back. Or does it not work that way? Hell I don't know, I ain't no good with brain stuff.
I would imagine that the bank would take the money, as well as any interest it gained, back once the error was found. The only way I would be touching that money would be if I had a document from the bank confirming that it was my money and I would not have to return it in case an error was found.
I'd fund all the projects that make sense but special interest groups fight:
clean energy (solar, wind)
electric cars
high speed train travel in the US
marijuana legalization
create math & science academies specifically for girls and inner city kids to create a larger pool of future engineers and scientists
run test projects for how to handle sewage and clean water cheaply & reliably for the poor in a few third world cities (like Rio) so other cities could copy your ideas
Id buy myself a house or two, so I have something comfortable to live in. Not even a mansion, just a nice house. One in the city. One in the mountains. Then I'd give a million dollars to every person in the US with a net worth under $1m. Then sit back in my house and watch everyone burn the country to the ground since probably 99% of the population wouldn't know what to do with themselves if they got $1m.
Pay off my debt, my wife's debt, my 8 month old baby's debt, my parents debt, all of my friends debt, buy a school, pre school, kindergarten, middle school, high school, college, staff them with genius teachers, make the school public and the college free, get into stocks and business school, become even more successful, put my daughter through batman like training and instill a strong sense of justice into her. Buy her all the things that will make her into batwoman. Fake my death and my wife's death when she's like 11, spectate over her life till she's 21. Watch her become a vigilante, show up back in her life but as her arch nemesis, attempt to kill her, fail and have her kill me, and then she'll inherit the rest of the money.
dsline ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:57:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to work and maintain business as usual while hoping no one else finds out.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:08:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
4 comma club. If you spend a single dollar you're financially ruined though because then you're in the lousy 3 comma club.
xaapje ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:08:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a nice RV and a Subaru wagon, probably an sti. Then take them both across America making stops at all my friends and family they've been there for me through the years. I would show up at their door and let them know they never have to work again for the rest of their lives. After that we would find a nice place to settle with some land in a state where marijuana is legal. Likely Colorado.
A trillion is one thousand billion, or ten thousand million.
That would be crazy. If you just spread it out over savings accounts that earn an average .01%, compounded monthly, you'd make over one hundred million per year.
That means, you can spend like 50 million per year, pay all the taxes, and still make more year after year.
That's without any actual investment instruments beyond some savings accounts.
If you actually put together a diversified portfolio, you could easily 10x that.
So, what would I do? I would maintain Trillionaire status while spending a shit ton of money every day.
On what?
Amusement.
I'd hold a live streaming contest from some island in international waters, where you can win a million dollars by carrying out my wishes the fastest, best, or most outrageously.
All the contestants would have to document themselves, and send me a link to the video proof.
Sometimes the finalists would be invited to the island.
Sometimes a contestant or two may decide to stay indefinitely to meditate underground in my spiritual academy, but that would be their choice.
I'd have crazy security, mercenaries, missiles, and a Bond villain style underground lair...
Every week I'd announce my deepest desire, and award the previous week's winner.
Sometimes it would be wholesome, like "leak all the secret information that you're trusted with at work".
Or "Kidnap a billionaire and bring it to me, bonus points for family members, disqualification if you physically harm anyone in the process unless it's pretty obvious they were asking for it."
Or "Invent a new crime and commit it publicly"
Or "Cook and eat your most beloved family pet"...
Stuff like that. Clickbait mostly, which I will leverage to earn even more money from Adsense.
So for the most part it'll be like a more freeform, crowdsourced version of "The Voice"...
But when I'm in a mood, as I tend to get into around the holidays, I am sure there will be some pretty dark challenges too.
I don't think people realize quite how much money that is. If you're making a measly 8%/year return on 1 trillion, you're making $219,178,082.19 A DAY! It would be incredibly difficult to keep up trying to spend that much money.
I feel like I would lose all aptitude for reason at that point...
I'd probably try to open 1 trillion bank accounts with 1 dollar each in them, or literally make a cannon and start launching $500 wads off a roof into crowded suburbs
You wanna call that shit in? You get hit by flying money? Fine, I'll stop. You may get some money in a settlement, but you'll get murdered by everyone else who wanted the money to keep falling.
COME AT ME MOTHERFUCKER
Redixer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:33:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep. At that point I could just sleep and not have to worry. I got a trillion dollars no one knows about. I'm gonna take my sweet ass time with my life at that point
I would build a tremendous stadium sized complex designed to house troubled teens, homeless people, and women in danger. Large enough to house at least 90% of the homeless population in a city of about 2 million. They stay for free for up to 6 months and get three hot meals a day, however they must work within the stadium doing anything relevant to stick around, with more productive folk being eligible to stay longer. They also earn minimum wage doing so, making them employees with rights and benefits. If you are fired, or quit, you have the legal minimum to leave (30 days, assuming you collected mail) but would be given at small care package just to keep you on your feet for another few weeks. There would be an advanced identification process + honour system to dissuade abuse. We would work closely with community services so that they can receive skill training, interview skills/clothes, find homes or even find family.
Then I'd do that in every city in the developed world with a population of at least 1 million. In order to help these centres become self-sustaining when the money inevitably runs dry, a combination of 30% taxpayer dollars and 30% charity, with the last 40% coming from loan repayments in the form of successful candidates leaving being made to repay the wages given to them at a rate of 10% yearly wages per year. This means if you are there for 6 months and make $10,000, they owe $1,000 per 12 months.
After that's done, I would invest every last bit of my money in making sure there is a renewable source of fresh and clean water in any part of the world that doesn't have it, starting from the poorest counties all the way up to the G20.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:39:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd do what activist investors do: buy stakes in companies and force them to change. Except the Carl Icahns of the world want corporations to cut staff, slash pay and benefits, and outsource labor as much as possible. I'd force the companies I bought into to provide better wages, maternity leave, and retirement plans for its employees.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:43:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would immediately build my fantasy.
Fly planes around the world looking for the best island (or islands) to buy.
Start coming up with ideas of what I could put on the island....
Start meeting all the best designers / engineers / architects in the world.
Relax for 5 years in my very private designed sanctuary (kinda like willy wonka)
Start inviting world leaders, scientists, philosophers, rich people over to my island after contemplating my thoughts for so long. Have meetings with all of them, have a personal assistant to give me news / keep me company.
Have the most influential people over on a regular basis.
You can fill in the rest... VR room, theatre, games room, go kart track, missile defense systems, hot chicks, submarine, super cars, helicopter, jet.
Probably have gordon ramsay over to teach me everything he knows and give him like 200 mill.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:45:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd give $1 million each to each of my exes, buy a slick loft downtown, and pimp it the eff out (about $3mil). Bank another $3 mil. Spread around another $10 mil to my peeps.
With the remaining $999,982,000,000, Create a rail company called USRail and spend every nickel trying to make America like Japan, rail-wise. Super dense in the Northeast and West Coast, but also lots of crisscrossing 300mph+ routes in the middle. Probably set aside some money for super high-end mega power company.
krisntl ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:47:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably freak out, have a heart attack, and then die.
Plan a full family trip to Disney World for at least a week, probably 2. Invest a lot in a wide variety accounts. Pay off several debts, mine and my families. Set up college funds for the kids in my family. Donate to many charities. And quit my job to travel (probably often with friends and family), and learn, and write.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:53:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a large plot of land, not too close to any big cities, and build a completely 'green' city! No cars within, there will be much better ways to move around. Donate a bunch to get space exploration going on a new level! And get rick and morty season 3 already!
$1 trillion would generate thousands of dollars per second in interest. Surely you'd want to do something more interesting than play video games all day.
Pay off my friends and familys student loans, pay bail for people wrongfully in jail, host lunch and dinners for poor people in my city, and build houses for the homeless.
I'm pretty sure the injection of 1 trillion dollars would cause the economy to collapse and hyper inflation, like post ww1 germany. so I would probably only use a small fraction of that amount and slowly invest the amount in equities of companies like google and apple. the goal would be to invest the money without destroying its value
I would set aside 1 billion dollars so I never have to work in my entire life and then I would do 3 other things with the rest.
1 I would give NASA however much money is required to create a satellite that plays "Running in the 90's" on an infinite loop as it soars through space.
2 I would buy the biggest residence on earth and if that is unavaliable I would fund the construction of a bigger one, I would then build a private zoo reserved specifically for Gorilla's whom I would attempt to teach sign language and then hopefully have the Gorilla's teach their babies sign language, once I had 2-3 decently sized families that know sign language I would attempt to introduce them into the wild until successful. I would keep 1 family safe in case of failure. The end goal being the entire population of Gorilla's being able to speak sign language, this would hopefully allow them to evolve much faster since they now have a, admittedly basic, form of language.
3 Put on a santa claus costume and travel around the earth collecting a long ass list of the names, addresses and the presents every single child in the world wishes for until I am too old to travel, on my death bed my last words would be the order to have them delivered.
And they all lived happily ever after.
Until the highly evolved Gorillas wipe out all human life and take our place, the end.
I'd probably cry. Go get my teeth fixed, let my girlfriend know she can finally go back to school for ornithology like she's always dreamed of. Go get my doggos cleaned up and checked for any sort of issues they might have. Help my 14 year old dog with anything he needs. Buy a random person lunch. Go on a hike with my other dog. Get a medical checkup to make sure my girlfriend and I are alright. Offer Donald Trump 10 billion to leave the White House with some hidden things like if he accepts this bribe he will get it in installments of $1 a day and some other bullshit. Pay off his lawyers to accept it.
Fuck, with a conservative 2% annual interest, I'm making $20 BILLION a year in interest. I'm not sure it's even possible to spend that much without literally burning money to warm my house.
So chances are, I'm probably waking up to the president of my bank calling me to thank me for my business. Because of this, I'm confused as fuck. At this point, I roll over and grab my phone. Upon opening my banking app and seeing the balance, I most likely have a heart attack, making my son the richest 7 year old in the world.
Crishma ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:56:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your mom
ArenO ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:07:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd start my own Business, and build props. I would invest in my future for my wife and kids, set some aside to help get my nephew through college as well. I'd breathe, knowing life isn't crushing my hopes with a job that doesn't respect my efforts. I'd make time for friends. Travel, albeit within reason. Mostly I'd save. Party off the mortgage, build nest egg, travel some, smile lots, and try to help others do the same.
Pay off all my debt immediately - move the funds into a swiss bank account. Buy an island somewhere and make it completely self sustaining energy-wise. Move there and deal with the rest of civilization as little as possible.
1ate7 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:50:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
quit my job and continue playing breath of the wild.
denikar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:51:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Comcast and utterly destroy the company. Shred every piece of IP, document, etc. I can find. Then finance the installation of free fiber cables throughout the US.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:52:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a private island and become a hermit. Maybe populate it with a village of whores.
I would make sure all the real criminal are behind bars. Make pot legal. That would be a big money booster in the USA and all my years of doing emt, never ever have I seen anything bad come out of smoking that. Drinking, which I do do, cuz I'm over 21, I've seen people die. Including friends and people so close, they are family. Get set up a sustainable universal healthcare system. Why currently do have insurance through Medicaid, would be much easier and effective to implement healthcare system for everyone. I know would cost a shit load of money but I feel that everyone has the right to have health care. One of my diaper age friends died of pneumonia and left his pregnant wife and young child behind, because he thought he had a cold, and could not afford healthcare. And pay off my debts and student loans, the rest will go to organizations that help the environment and animals and people. All the poor that can't take care of themselves. Whatever money I had left, I would just put it in a credit union Account in my local bank. This helps the economy within your area. Yeah I'm an idealist, but I'm also realist, but with that type of money you can be an idealist.
Save it until I fully figure out how to make the world a better place to live in, in the most efficient way using said money, while keeping it secret. I personally don't need that much, in fact I'd much rather be poor than to live a life of extreme luxury where nothing's ever enough. Too many people are already doing that to ruin things for the rest of us.
We've got a limited time on this earth, and I don't have the time or energy to be filthy rich. It would make me the happiest and most eased at mind to know the world could become a better place using this money, even past my short existence, so that my future children can live a more peaceful, healthy and hopefully longer life than me.
Maybe that's stupid or naive, but that's what I would do.
First I'd call my mom to tell her. Then I'd cancel my meetings for the day. I'd pay off the 48 billion pound deficit of the UK and start on a rebuilding the relationship with rhe EU and asking if they'll have us back. Then I would start building a million new homes for the homeless, give the nurses, garbage men, teachers, bus drivers and brick layers a higher pay and fix the pot holes. And then I'd buy myself a new bike. With one of those fancy baskets on the front.
My first thought was how can I help out the poor dying people in this world. It would be a big undertaking as I could not just give them money. I would have to figure out how to make everyone self sustaining. Where would I begin.
First invest almost all of it so no ones trying to kill me for my money or will. Then travel the country in a 5th wheel, putting money where people need it. Not aid the government but do what the goverment should be doing in many cases. The 5th wheel would be my only splurge for myself(that and hook-up fees and food). Also give majority of it to my parents so i can actually get in a relationship without somone just trying to use me for money or take half of what i own. Buying a bunch of things would just over complicate my life. One last thing bride the goverment to pass a law making it ilegal for compaines to buy more than 2 apartment complexes/ 10 houses(making it impossible for loop holes). Company owned apartments are terrible and way over priced and really all they do is up the price because they know you need somwhere to live and you cant afford a house. Big business is what ruins captialism.
Savings, advisors, get some Bitcoin for shit and giggles, hire an investor. Insurance on everything, buy property in a nice area, nothing too large. Moderate house full of nice stuff, pay off college debt. Contemplate whether or not I'd want to continue college. Quit my job. Explore the world. Fund my girlfriend's education. Get her a new car because that things almost dying. Get her family in a better home, pay for my mom to be in rehab, get all the Lol skins and champs I'd ever want. Steam games. New PC I built myself. Wait till I'm 21, explore a fuck ton of different types of alcohol. Find way more hobbies. New decently priced clothes. Get an amazing mattress because I wanna be cozy. Take cooking classes, teach myself things. Buy a metric fuck ton of research chems to research for science. And maybe at the end of the day, walk around the park and just enjoy the moment a little.
I'd live a normal life for a while. I'd got work and then deposit small amounts of money into my partners account. Say starting at say a dollar then doubling each day. I'd also buy/ build a new house. I'd get a nice car and park it up the road. Once the house was done I'd go for a holiday with the family whilst my moving team moves everything into the new house. We would then come back to our new house with the same furniture etc and deny everything ...
I would buy like 25 acres of forest, completely fence it in, dig a river/creek through the forest, fill it with salmon and other fish, and I would put a male and female bear, a lot of deer, a male and female mountain lion, a bunch of rabbits, and I'd put cameras hidden everywhere and I'd put GPS in the animals so I could monitor what they do. I'd have my own private little wild forest, that would be awesome.
I'd buy 10 hellcats, crash 9 of them, then buy a house. Probably my own McDonald's that only I can go to, pay for the rest of school, give my family half, buy a lion, give every homeless person I see 10,000$, buy every kid with cancer an Xbox and TV...I'd do a lot
Quit my jobs, buy a nice house, invest a bunch of it and live comfortably off the interest
Patiiii ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:42:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Late but I'd just keep like 10 billion for myself. The rest to give to Elon musk, charity, ending world hunger and all that shit. I mean 1 trillion is way too much for myself.
Rejoice, tithe on it, treat my long term girlfriend and her family to a wonderful evening out to whatever resturaunt they want, buy a brand new bright red 2016 Ford Escape, invest in good stocks with great dividends, buy an engagement ring and plan an elaborate proposal involving Disneyland, singing, and a secret photographer, marry her after her education is finished, pay off her student debts, donate to several charities and churches, marry her with as elegant a wedding as she wants, take her on a honeymoon starting touring London, then taking her to all the Disney Parks in the world (She loves Disney), then buy a large fancy house with a home theater and snack bar wherever we want to live, then use my newfound wealth to help others and write comics and books as a career. I'll make sure to use money to make more money and ensure my future generations' financial security. Our family vacations will always be awesome.
sonters ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:46:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed and drop out of school. Buy a few arcade cabinets.
Raichu7 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:46:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tell my new gm he's a douche waffle and buy the company. Run the restaurants within that company the right way.
Also dirtbikes
Also take my step kids mom to court and use an ton of money to get them away from her emotionally abusive ass.
Also Tesla. I'd have one in each color.
I would pay off all my debt and that of my immediate family. Buy myself a nice house, my parents their dream house as well as a house for my older sister.
I'd pay off my college tuition and pay for college for my all my sisters and put some aside for all their kids.
I'd then pretty much live comfortably for the rest of my life. My main goal would be paying back my parents for everything that they did for me.
Contact Robert Zubrin to discuss funding a manned Mars mission. According to his "Mars Direct" theory, you could do it for for significantly less than $40 billion.
I'd also go back to my old alma mater for a year or two...and maybe buy the campus while I'm at it; I am very fond of the old place.
Build a renewable energy infrastructure across the USA and undercut oil no matter how low the price goes. Then 99.9% of all proceeds not needed to sustain the energy company would go to Bernie Sanders' next presidential campaign and I would live off of the remainder until said time where he's elected.
Then I would rest for a time and build capital again and I would create a company that produces documentaries on every solvable problem man faces. It would be systematic, A through Z.
Then I would create an international news network that has no single country or continental focus.
Then I would create a foundation dedicated to the eradication of disease. It would fund clinical research studies for promising drugs and treatments for the worlds top killers: heart and infectious diseases. It would buy these companies doing the research and thus could control the cost of said treatments forever after and own the subsequent products creating another income source, while eliminating other organizations ability to limit access to medicine based on exorbitant sums.
I would also work to create an EU type organization in Africa.
I would also create the worlds largest online school. It would have courses from k-PhD for every field of study available to every person online at an extremely affordable price. There would also be numerous local chapters and physical buildings for work that could not effectively be done alone or online. I would partner with organizations working to create a worldwide internet to give access to this education to people in underdeveloped nations.
This education system would be part of a new type of employment system that costs nothing to place people in work but in fact takes a small percentage out of everybody's check for employment at every level. Any education is available to anyone for any skill and all data on said education is part of the employment system. No one has to gather and build a resume ever. It's auto built and everyone with the skills in a geography gets auto-notified of jobs that they are an EXACT match for. People are no longer involved in these interviews at all making discrimination impossible. Interviews are all skill based and a machine selects the new hires based on good data.
I would then find the worlds largest cash for guns program and would work to dramatically reduce the number of small arms circulating in a he most violent regions of the globe.
I would then work to create carbon capture facilities that are solar powered and that capture CO2 and particulates out of the air. These would be focused in urban centers around the globe.
I would evaluate and if viable work to create cross continental bullet trains that spanned Africa north south and east west, in a grid.
I would use the funds from the transportation company to create a space exploration company whose main goal would be to send an exploration craft to the nearest habitable system at a speed that could reach it within a generation.
I would also open an exploratory science division whose goals would be to advance fringe technologies that could fill the material needs of mankind in better and more efficient ways: from farming to genetic engineering this organization would advance ideas into a prototype state to be catalogued for potential future use for needs as of yet undefined.
I would also have a clothing line that is focused on creating long lasting materials whose looks can be digitally altered but which can be used for a decade or longer without needing replacement. I.e. Silver laced cloth with changeable surface patterns for vanities sake.
I would also create a construction company focused on using nontoxic and sustainable materials to build housing and homes across the developing world and the wealthy first world countries as well.
My materials science company would work to create trees that can be genetically programmed to grow in specific shapes. All beams and planks would now be living breathing yet staticky shaped objects that got strong we with time and which were resistant to the elements. Houses would be mad or living wood.
I have lots more.
Rakoony ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:18:58 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Paying off the debts of my family and friends, as well as an education for everyone's kids. Let's say that takes $1 million.
Another million for "standard of living" gifts for my immediate family. Repairs to the house, nice new cars, extra retirement funds for mom and pop, ect.
Now I have $999,998,000,000
To keep the arithmetic easy I would set up a national foundation to shelter the homeless with an initial endowment of 48,000,000. That should be plenty to build the facilities, hire staff, and put the rest in healthy investments to grow for later. These facilities would provide meals, basic medical care, etc. I would try and have them in any decent sized city with a homelessness issue.
The next 100,000,000 would be for me to ensure I have the infrastructure needed to oversee my empire. 65,000,000 for a Gulfstream 650 private jet. 30,000,000 for "modest" real estate to conduct business at in various places around the globe. The remaining 5 million for a fleet of very bullet proof luxury automobiles to ride around in.
Then I would setup a foundation with a value of $800,000,000 to help research cures for cancer.
And $50,000,000 for other diseases that my smart medical advisors deem winnable fights.
That takes care of the first billion dollars. Only $999,000,000,000 left.
$9,000,000,000 to the Bill and Melinda Gates foundation. They've been at this game way longer than I have. They'll put it to good use in sure.
$90,000,000,000 to the US federal government with the stipulation that it be used to set up and fund world class single payer health care. Free healthcare for all.
Then another 100,000,000,000 to be sure that the fund has enough money to sustain itself until proper funding can be obtained.
Then I would spend 100,000,000 on lobbying to ensure the people in office were fully enthusiastic about following my vision for healthcare.
Now I have seven hundred billion dollars. Or $700,000,000,000.
I would purchase Exxon Mobil and PetroChina. This would cost me about 500,000,000,000. After that I would repurpose these companies with two goals. Winding down their fossil fuel production and researching and implementing solar and wind power on a massive scale. Having the two largest petro companies abandon petro will have all the others following suit as renewables become cheaper thanks to the massive research funding they now have.
I would send Elon Musk $50,000,000,000. Half to continue to advance battery research so we can store solar and wind power for the world. The other half to expedite the production of his electric vehicle line.
Now I set aside 50,000,000,000 for opportunities at a later point that I'm not aware of yet. I invest this however other billionaires do in order to maintain its value over time.
And with the remaining $200,000,000,000 or two hundred billion dollars, I would create a foundation dedicated to solving the world hunger crisis. How to grow food locally in places it is needed, with local people employed when possible in order to grow the economies there, as well as feed the populace. And while we are figuring out the long term plan on sustainable food production, purchasing food in bulk and distributing it to people who desperately need it to live. The foundations private military would oversee the distribution in places where that was required to ensure people weren't bullied out of their share of the aid.
So now I've taken care of those close to me, gotten the people of the United States free health care, cured diseases, started the transition to 100% green energy, helped usher in electric alternatives to any internal combustion powered machines, and begun the process to actually solve world hunger.
And I'm still worth $50,000,000,000. So like top 5 wealthiest people.
At that point I would still feel uncomfortable with my wealth so I would either lobby for free education for all, or for universal basic income, depending on which looked like a more promising solution to the issues we faced after however many decades it takes to do the other stuff.
Also I would finally make Sean Hannity be waterboarded for charity like he said he would. A few million to help rehabilitate veterans with both physical and mental health issues should do the trick.
Pay off my truck, pay off my families debts, buy a house for my sister with a yard for her dog, fund my brothers next business, build my other brother a garage, send my nieces and nephews to college, and start IRA's for everyone. Then I would build a fiber network in my state (or the greater city area depending on cost) and travel around on an old flatbed truck, dressed like an old-timey mayor, telling everyone about it. Then I would get a custom motorcycle for my dad, he loves bikes and deserves a great one just for him. After that I would open a garage/bar where I fix people's cars for the cost of the parts and you can watch through a big window at the bar. Also the bar would have adequate parking, because I'm sick of that shit!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:41:14 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cocaine and prostitutes
dixadik ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:43:41 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off the debts my family owes, buy my mom a car that isn't always breaking down and give her enough money to finally enjoy life instead of living like it's always against us.
I'd invest in some stocks, put 40% into savings and use the rest to explore the world, making videos of the journey so others can experience it with me and finally I'd buy a beer for the guy or gal that gave me the sum of money.
Probably give most of it to Bill Gates. He has some good experience in that arena and I'd trust he'd know what to do with all that money. Also: My own island.
-pay off my student loans
-pay off my parents' mortgages and car loans
-pay off any credit card debt we had
-set aside a million each for my siblings college's funds
-pay off my girlfriend's graduate tuition
-donate to my alma mater and several local arts organizations
-rent out my favorite music venue for a personal festival w/ my fav artists
-get a ph.d. in philology
-take my girlfriend and travel the world
-support as many kickstarters and patreons as possible
but mostly i would try to keep it quiet, live my life as regularly as i could.
Tell no one, move to the middle of nowhere and have use my money to have internet and basic utilities and live my life reading and redditing all day long.
BobVosh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:43:26 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would hire bodyguards, attorneys and accountants. Then I would do my damndest to outbribe for net neutrality, subsidization of solar roofs, and whatever other political things that currently bother me are.
Frankly I would probably ask Elon Musk how I could best use this money to help the world.
Make it rain on every charity/organization I've ever cried over. White helmets? Make it rain. Children's cancer hospital? Make it rain. Wildlife protection organization? Make it rain.
Then I'd build enough solar, wind, and whatever alternative energy infrastructures needed to completely replace major oil usage in the US.
AFTER I'd covered my ass with Lawyers and accountants, etc.......
Pay off my entire extended family's debt, and pretty much all my friends and their families (anonymously of course, except for my Dad, because he's the only person in this world that I trust that much). Basically make sure that everyone was WELL looked after, but not so much that they become dependent on me.
Pay off my University debt, buy some houses, get a private jet.
Invest in a bunch of properties in inner Melbourne and Sydney, in order to set up housing for students, the homeless, and other people who are in need, for FREE. The only thing they have to do is not be dicks to each other and not wreck the place.
I would set up some sort of company in order to sponsor refugees to come to Australia, as a big 'fuck you' to my government. I would also set everyone I brought here up with housing and education, and a means of making a new start.
That's the things I can think of off the top of my head. Basically if the money was that insane, the vast majority of it would go to philanthropy, because I'm a simple person who doesn't need much.
1) Make sure it wasn't a mistake, 2) Pay of my student loans, 3) Pay off my best friends student loans, 3) Give my parents some money, 4) Give my sister some money, 5) Give my best friend some money, 6) Give her parents some money, 7) Buy a new car, 8) Buy a really nice house, 9) Furnish said house, 10) Put the rest of it in a long term high earning interest rate c.d.
Use that to make Australia the first renewable energy nation like 100% every day. And get universal income going which leads to universal health care and a whole fuck ton of wonderful things for society.
Donate 999 billion to 99 worthwhile charities.
Invest 990 million in a well-diversified portfolio.
Spend 8 million to get close family and friends debt free, buy immediate family their own houses & cars.
Spend 1 million to make myself living comfortably in my own house on my own land.
Spend 1 million on a crazy party.
Live off interest and investment profits for the rest of my life.
the million on myself is just to 'set myself up comfortably'
New House: 200,000
New Furnishings: 100,000
New Wardrobe: 25,000
Purchase Land: 500,000
Two Cars: 60,000
Pay off debt: 15,000
One year of living expenses: 100,000
TOTAL: 1,000,000
Week long party costs for renting out 50 suites in a Las Vegas hotel, booking a ballroom, 50 persons first class airfare, week long limousine service for all guests, booking bands, catering services from high class chefs, unlimited alcohol, insurance, cleanup costs, and giving each of my 50 guests some money to gamble with --- yeah, I could spend a million on a party easy.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But you don't get an income to sustain yourself that way: 1m with 5% interest is still only 50k a year, but you spend most of that money, so you won't even have financial security that way, maybe even become broke after 2/3 years or having to sell your belongings.
Most of that charity money will be given to CEOs. Probably better if you create your own non-profit with that 990 billion that covers all the bases of the 99 you would have given to anyways. Then just hire people to run it (they will hire all the other people). That way you can call up your people and ask "how's the cure for aids coming along" then they'll say "almost done sir" and then you can just hang up because you're rich enough to not need to say goodbye at the end of all your phone calls.
Quit both of my jobs, pay off what my student loans currently are and THEN pay off all of my future college tuition. Put half of what's left in savings, and then spend the rest of it on hookers and blow.
After watching a show about soldiers raping women and children in the Democratic Republic of Congo, I would pay for my own army of female mercenaries to sneak into the country and castrate the rapists, but not kill them.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:56:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rape is mostly motivated by feeling of domination, so castrastrion won't cut it (no pun intended). Though with 1 Trillion you can invest in enterprises that create qualified working places there reperspective working places where the money actually stays in the country and with the employees instead of pressing every last drop of money out of the country. You could probably buy the whole republic while youre at that.
Quit my job, put my house on the market.
Buy some sweet property in a foreign country. Either some place in Europe or japan.
Learn the local language.
Become a local wine expert and a regular at the nearest bar.
I'd probably get mildly into smoking weed, as long as it's legal. Sit around a fire pit and drink local brews/wines.
Take up astronomy.
I'd also have an apartment in the middle of either London or New York that I'd go to when I feel too unconnected from humanity.
AnB85 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:47:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy up a small undeveloped country somewhere in Africa. I would invest in education and healthcare and setup a proper government and infrastructure.
Then I would use it as a base for a large army and create a vast empire. I would invest heavily into research and funding politicians around the world to advance my agenda and push for my eventual conquest of the entire world.
I would be all out funding research into my own immortality and start a long term colonization of the galaxy.
Donate $950Billion to the US government to reduce the national debt. Thus avoiding messing up the economy too badly. Buy $40Billion of bundled medical and student debt and forgive it. Create an endowment for the Mathematics department at my old university using $1Billion. Donate $8Billion to Red Cross organizations across the world. Open a CD with $10Million and live off the interest for the rest of my life. Give $10Million away to my parents, friends of my parents, and parents of my friends to retire. Gove $900Million to the school districts of the cities I have lived in. Give $75Million to library systems in cities I have lived in. Give $3 Million to my sister so she does not have to work anymore. Buy a house or two with the last $2Million.
If I've done the math right, would give $10,000 to 100 million impoverished people. Nobody would be rich but it'd help massively.
Jaereth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:06:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably not as much as you would think. lol Try it on a micro scale and think about what a few impoverished families in your area would do if you gave them 10000 cash money tomorrow.
As per a deal I made with God, of any "easy money" I acquire, I would carefully and strategically give a third of it away to various charities over a period of time.
quit my job, go to the president of university and get her to boost my GPA to 9, buy a lambo and then just blow the rest of the money till the end of me
I'd buy 5-10,000 acres in Tennessee, build a ridiculous house and start a body building/power lifting gym. I'd have a chef to cook for me, a live in maid, and 10 or so 25 year old 10/10s
Fund virtually everything that Trump is currently defunding.
Papa-pp ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 11:15:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Id feel so guilty, Id probably buy a chocolate and then donate the rest to charities that I trust. Then feel bad about buying the chocolate and adding 4$ extra to the 1 trillion to cover it.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:23:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I want to hug you and give you a chocolate.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:50:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I remember right you want his trillion for the chocolate.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:51:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my loans, live a very comfortable life with lots of hookers and a nice house ... give to charitable things i deam worthy..make sure video games and or movies i like get a sequal
ahoogen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:03:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spend the rest of the day playing "Scrooge" and swimming in my trillion dollars.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:03:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire the best team of lawyers in the world. Go to multiple local luxury watch dealers and purchase 4-5 nice watches. Go to Mercedes and buy a Maybach just for the heck of it. Build a ~$1,000,000 house in California and somewhere on the East Coast. Purchase a Lamborghini Aventador. Purchase a $500,000-$1,000,000 house in my home city. Invite said lawyers over for coffee and to discuss how to invest the remaining $9,999,995,000,000.
$1,000,000 house in California is pretty garbage compared to a $1,000,000 house on the East Coast
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:31:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I know. I intended for a very modest house on both coasts that I could visit whenever I wanted without people going, "oh shit, he's the richest man in the world." The east coast house would be much nicer, depending on the location.
Buy her another car and more PCP... when they restock.
Gentzzz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:13:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make a female clone of myself. Ayyy
Mequer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:13:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get a burger from mcdonalds, import a russian wife, make her pregnant, kill myself and leave the kid with the money because I have done everything that evolution required me to do
ellarie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:14:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire lawyers and learn stuff. I can't wrap my head around that much money. I really wouldn't want all of it. I would probably (accidentally) destroy economies. I would set families and friends up for the good life. I would want to find a way to fix government issues without stupid politics (for example, can I fix my province's hydro crisis without it supporting the provincial leader who at the very least helped get us in the mess?). I would want to donate to a lot of charities, buy a whole new wardrobe, travel, buy a house where I want to live, set up my future and the future of everyone I care about.
It's a responsibility I don't want, and it wouldn't end well, I'm sure. But I would be rich, so there's that.
Realize i fucked up the economy, then probably invest a million or two in the stocks. I don't even know what, just something that sounds fun because fuck it what's a million or two to one trillion dollars right? Then I'd call work and say "hey, just so you know I'm putting in my two weeks but I'd like to continue to help around with things because you're rad people and I need something to do during the day so I don't get bored". After that? Fucking sleep.
Assuming it is, I'd immediately quit my job, go straight to my local car dealership, purchase a Bentley, a Rolls-Royce and a Maserati, with my debit card like a fuckin' baller. While at the dealership, I'd text my gf to let her know she can quit her job too and that I just booked a flight to Europe so we can travel for a few months.
I'd also go to the casino and drop a million or so on high-limit games just to feel like a badass, then write a check to a few charities so I'm not a total asshole.
After all the fun and traveling and shit, I'd probably start my own business just so I have something to do with my time and hey, I can basically fail an unlimited number of times and not give a shit, so that's cool
Go into work as usual, get fired for calling people out on their douchebaggery . Give no damns because I'm rich. Buy a Nintendo switch. Play games and order food. Yeah. Simple huh?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:23:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd purchase my own mountain, build an underground complex for me to live in, and then spend the rest of my life fully funding interesting kickstarter style projects and donating money to worth charities anonymously. Also, I'd set up my own charity that would travel the country offering free spay and neutering for all pets and any strays that can be rounded up
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:24:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay back any debts I have, buy a new car, set up an eye and dental appointment, and start looking for a small house in the country where I could build a recording studio. I'll spend the next year or so not making any big financial decisions, and offer to be a financial backer for Troma. No flashy lifestyle, just doing what I really want to do with no financial stress.
I'd offer to cover my friend's half of the security deposit for when we get an apartment in August. I'd also probably visit my girlfriend sooner than planned.
Give about 100 mil each to both my sisters, mom, and dad. Then I'd go find a place to live in Colorado or Washington and spend the rest of my days smoking legal bud and reading comics.
Then with what was left, I'd fix my car, pay off some debt (mine, my boyfriend, my parents, my sister, my grandma, and possibly my ex) and from there...who knows. I've lived in the same two neighboring cities my whole life. It's so small, I couldn't imagine staying here and being able to remain anonymous. I could choose to live anywhere. But where would I go? I don't think about that, because I never had to.
So, is this money in cash or in the bank? And, will anyone question why this fat guy who goes to Applebee's on a bi-weekly basis is the richest man in the world?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:31:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy my store, keep doing my job and just change a few minor things about the way the store runs. Buy Kodak. Re-released Kodachrome. Buy Fuji. Bring back all their discontinued films like Astia and all the flavors of Neopan. Basically become the God of /r/analog.
Hire a lawyer, buy an uninhabited island and build a decent house on it, buy solar panels to power my house, put a shitton of it in a high interest account so I can keep earning some money, and then...i guess buy a solid gold toilet? Doesn't everybody want one of those?
I'd quit my job, open my dream of a three story recording studio/photo studio, hire tutors to help me finish college, help pay for my girlfriend's college, fly out three states away to see her, and adopt a few ex racing greyhounds. After college, I'd travel the world with my girlfriend. Go to Spain where I could speak Spanish, go to France where she could speak French, and then Italy where we can know enough of a Latin based language to get by.
Immediate flight to Kauai with family. Buy whatever house on the beach I can. Live there. Become artist to keep me busy. Eat poke for lunch all the time.
Buy my family's houses for them and pay their taxes for the gift, pay off their cars and all debt, I was going to put more but after that comma I've run out of things to do for my family. I'd pay off my house and car. Then I'd hire some people so we could lobby like the corporations do in the government to make things better for the people. I'd get my money to work for me so I can keep all this up for as long as possible. I'd repay the kindness to the people that have shown me some. I remember all of them, I've worked to remember them all. Last I would find some time to take a vacation probably go to the Bahamas where I went as a kid and see how things have changed.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would hire a bunch of lawyers... My main question would be: where did that money come from? Assuming it's a legal transfer of wealth (with taxes paid), I'd be concerned about the macroeconomic effects of pumping that much money into the economy. That's 1/18th of the size of the u.s. economy. Three possibilities:
1) Assuming this is just new bills you could personally cause inflation by adding it to the economy - effectively stealing that value from everyone else... which is problematic.
2) Assuming these are old bills, they must have been taken from people; which is morally concerning.. I'd probably give most of it back.
3) Best Case Scenario would be closest to the intent of the question: these are new bills that are associated with an increase of $1 trillion in economic activity that somehow all went to you (hence no inflation)... in this case I'd probably keep 10% of it (and be the wealthiest person on earth) and use the other 90% for noble causes.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:47:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a large piece of land
Pass legislation or something to make it a country
Populate land with people of different races
Put some animals in the mix too
Create an artificial ecosystem
Show them my religion
Keep them deprived from the outside world
Conduct various (inhumane) experiments in order to create genetically superior beings
All women look like Victoria secrets models who don't require any make up
Decent from my helicopter
"Is that... Can it be???"
"The names Jรจsus"
Fuck every women
Show them modern technology
They make me the king
All men look at me in disgust
They start a revolution
Nail me for nailing their women
Trigger artificial volcano to signify the anger of the forgotten gods
Give a billion to every friend and family member I have. Ain't no fun living on your private island if everyone you love can't afford to be there with you. Also I have nowhere near 1000 friends/family, so I'd still be top baller.
First thing, hire the best legal team there is. I don't wanna worry about any legal problems that may come up with that kind of wealth. Second, I would give my parents $50 Billion, and my brother $25 Billion. Anyone else in my family (including in-laws, with the stipulation that they get over everything that happened during their marriage and finally move the fuck on...if they can't, they get squat), if you are are an aunt/uncle/first-cousin, and I've talked to you in the last 12 months, you get $25 Million. If you're a second-cousin, and I've talked to you in the last 12 months, you get $10 Million. After that, no more family coming out and receiving anything. Once that's finished, I'd put $15-Billion into Diabetes research. After all that, I still have over $900-Billion.
After that, I'd probably travel the world for the next 5 years, alternating between amazing cities and relaxing beaches. Then, when I finished traveling, I'd probably buy a bunch of houses/penthouses, and invest in strong stocks and buy sole-ownsership of a sports franchise or 2.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:51:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make sure federal agents are not on their way to my house to investigate/arrest me. Where did I get a trillion dollars? How did it end up in my account? Why? Am I in the clear legally?
Once I sort that out, if I get to keep the money, I'd pay off my student loans and mortgage, buy one of those really nice houses on a mountain in Scottsdale, keep $1 billion for myself/my husband, split another $500,000 among family members, and donate the rest. Live like I do now, but without a job so I can have time to travel and hang out with my friends.
Buy Comcast to make them behave ethically, fix Flint's water, buy about 40 house Republicans, pay off some student loans, spend on the third world and dead cities until I only have enough interest coming in to give each close family members 80k a year. I would then travel and set a tiny house on my aunt and uncle's land for when I want to chill at home.
Invest a large portion of it and live like an upper-middle class person (okay, fine, I'll buy a Lotus Evora for fun). Take the rest of my disposable income and invest money into my friends and family, then into some patreons for some people I think are cool, and then see about personally trying to revitalize some fucked up low income community near where I live, providing jobs, affordable housing, a bit of education, healthier food options, a neighborhood garden, and if it works, I'll start repeating it in different, and potentially larger, communities.
The tough task here would be to see how long I could continue this operation through multiple generations.
Fix mental health care. Thats serious cash and it needs to be fixed horrifically. And buy an Island, definitely an island. Start a town, build an economy, live the life. Put all the money in giant sacks with dollar signs? Its a trillion dollars, the list of things you cant do is small
In reality I would:
Hire a lawyer and a CFP immediately.
Invest half into things to make more money.
Donate millions to good causes.
Pay off any debts I or loved ones have.
Buy people things they need. All the fucking time.
Try and sponser anti-jerrymandering bills by buying out representatives, then supporting the campaigns of decent and honest politicians.
Oh yea, then buying a massive house and all that jazz...
Reimaku ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would build a casino with blackjack...and hookers.
Jucamia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a new car. Buy a new computer. Buy a nice house. Pay off all debt. Pay off my SO's debt. Pay off my families debt. Buy my family new cars. Lay low and enjoy life.
espifer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably panick. 1 trillion is a lot of money to have control over, I can manage a couple of billions, but a fucking trillion? I would first get a majority of my shit together, have my fun and what not, make sure the family is taken care of, invest and build my businesses. Then blow the rest of that money on personally managing charities I set up because I don't trust how some of these charities get millions and shit in donations and still manage to barely put a fucking dent in what they're supposed to be helping with.
There are these apartments in my city that I've wanted to live in since the day I first saw them go up. I'd cancel my current lease and move in. I'd buy some furniture, because I have none yet. I'd start working out more, since I don't have to focus on work as much. I'd still DJ, as my name implies, but day jobs would be a thing of the past for me.
Oh! I've wanted a new SUV to move my equipment around. So.... I'd probably spoil myself and get something nice like a fully loaded Honda CR-V. I don't wanna worry about repairs, and I'm living in town. It'd be very irresponsible for me to buy a big, flashy ride. Things are just bound to happen.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:02:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire people to fix my house up. Sign it over to my mom. Give her a million dollars. Use the rest of my money to move to Gettysburg and live in luxury. Maybe go to college. Maybe self-publish some of my stories.
Pay off my student loans, invest 75% of what's remaining into a secure savings account. Budget out what remains and live off of that with the same type of lifestyle I wanted for myself before I got the money.
Pay off my debts. Buy my folks' house. Buy me a house and maybe a condo in Miami. Spend about a million on fun stuff and then just live normally for the rest of my life with little to no worries.
If I had money like that, I would start to fuck with world politics. Starting with the US. There would be a shit ton of changes.......you know what, nah fuck that I wouldn't want to accidentally fall on a bullet.
Ooooh let's see
Right after receiving the money I would plan my resignation in such a way as to scar my current boss forever (he's a dick). Once this is done, I would buy houses for myself and the family, then cars, then probably go around the world for a year or so.
When I'm back I probably would give a couple millions to charity.
Pay student loans, give a good portion to my parents for being extremely helpful in my life, probably build a stupidly overkill PC. Im a simple guy lol
Is it sad that my first thought is get better health insurance?
I'd also buy a beautiful fixer-upper house near the beach and start renovating it for myself and my future husband to live in. And I'd totally redo my wardrobe for a California casual vibe. And get a massage. I'm a pretty simple person.
Panick about the trouble it'll get me in. After about a month I'll probably realise this is actually MY money, and visit a themepark. I wanna go on the rollercoaster.
Pay for my niece's and nephew's college, buy a nice house for my family and a nice house with a bigass fenced in yard for my husband and I and all the god damn dogs we will adopt.
payokat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:11:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
still finish school, because I love this field.... but do it in a NICE house. Taking online classes from the beaches of an island that I own.
If you invested your trillion dollars at only 3% interest, you would earn 82 million dollars a day! Just think, if you didn't spend at least 82 million dollars every day, you would just keep getting richer and richer.
Kumo-mi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:13:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Coincidentally, as my 10 year old son asked for a trillion dollars yesterday for seed money to make rovers that can climb walls, that is where I would spend it. I'm not sure how much business or engineering acumen he has, but it definitely would be interesting to watch.
I'd do the following, in approximately this order:
Donate $500 billion to various charities around the world, particularly those which strive to feed people, give them clean water capabilities, and keep people supplied with living space and clothes. The need for safety and security, food and water make up the bottom and most fundamental part of Mazlow's pyramid to self actualization. I feel like a lot more people would be in a position to make much better paths in their lives if they could meet these basic requirements.
Spend $1 billion on a secure, high tech living space somewhere I would enjoy living, probably in the mountains somewhere.
Spend $5 billion on buying huge, lifetime stock quantities of my favorite things, like cocaine.
Spend $1 billion to fund a private lab synthing MXE.
Spend $4 billion on drug law reforms across the globe with the aim of decriminalizing or legalizing at least the drugs I like in the places that are relevant to me.
Donate $10 billion to groups that fight human trafficking and sex slavery.
Spend $1 billion buying escort services.
Give $400 billion to the US government in exchange for never bothering me about anything at all ever again. Meaning if I want to do a line of coke off the presidents forehead or Melania's tits they can't say anything to me.
Give $10 billion to the members of my family and people in my life who have actually benefited me or cared for me in some way.
Die a happy man doing lines of cocaine off the ass cheeks of attractive escorts while living in my palatial mansion in the mountains somewhere.
The very first thing I would do is take a shit because the sudden pressure within my body would be too intense to handle. Then I'd buy a new toilet cause I'm already used to manually flushing due to its terribleness. Then I'd replace the bathtub with a nice shower cause having a nice toilet and shit tub is just bad to look at but first I'd need to replace the window cause it doesn't really fit properly but I can't replace the window because I'd need to cement half of it and the city/building regulations prevent this from happening. So I'd buy the building and then fix the window which would likely result with conflicts with city policies so I'd buy the city as well. Seeing as the government wouldn't like this too much, I'd buy the government as well so they would just let me fix my damn bathroom.
Then I'd probably go back to sleep cause I usually wake up too early anyway.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:17:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rent a nice flat. No, fuck that, I'd buy the best spot in town, ground it and built a big mansion, with my own fitness studio, big kitchen, big garden, naturally filtered swimming pool, secret rooms, secret toilet on the roof, a badminton field.... Ofc investing my money in appartements, big interest bank accounts, firms and stocks and stuff.
With that much stuff it also wouldnt even make a difference I can grasp when I donate a good amounts of billions. Though I would never donate more than half the amount I got in the beginning.
Whit3y ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:17:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, I reckon if you can get two chicks at the same time for a million bucks, I'd be able to do 500,000 chicks at the same time if I had a trillion
I'm not an economist, but I would bet 1 trillion dollars created out of nowhere would seriously mess with the economy. I would probably keep it secret just how much money I really have
Set up a new charitable organization and get the word out (using my billions) that any missionary, charitable organization, or relief group working in an impoverished area/nation is guaranteed a $1mil donation. Hire a team of investigate accountants (or whatever it would take) to verify these groups' legitimacy. Then give NASA some funding, planned parenthood, some 3rd party candidates just so the Dems and Reps have to get their shit together, foster programs, and whatever other cool projects I see pop up. A trillion is a lot of money.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay for my fiancรฉe's college. But everything on steam wishlist. Buy a name small house. Live there with her without needing to work, just playing fun games and watching Netflix. Maybe buy myself that chocolate fudge log I keep seeing at Walmart, but she keeps telling me no. That's about it. That would make me happy.
TL:DR Basically if I had the money and able to higher the right people as well as make the right connections I would become Canada's #1 philanthropist and ideally become a house hold name.
If I'm converting USD to CND That's near enough to 1.351 trillion
The Canadian debt is CAD$1.2 trillion across federal and provincial governments. So I'll pay off ALL Canadian debt and still have 0.151trillion left. With that I'll start a company that will begin building apartment buildings with 1 or 2 bedroom apartments designed to be both ECO friendly and affordable for single income people(s).
I'll also start building or renovating "reasonable" sized homes for low income families which will be well insulated and have solar panels on their roof. I'll sell these homes trying to make a profit where I can but nothing that will put the homes out of reach for low income families.
After this hopefully my company will be earning enough cash from the apartments to start work on building a Vertical farm. The prototype will be near where I live than I'll build more across Canada along with the 1 or 2 bedroom apartment buildings.
I would like this company to reach a point that it's able to replace infrastructure companies and work across Canada. I'll look for materials and techniques that can make roads and what not last longer and where possible made from reused or reusable materials.
If my company becomes big enough I would see if it's possible to help Canada teach and higher local Canadians to become doctors and dentists and try to have them able to work closer to where ever they call home.
This is a newer idea I would like to do either after everything else or maybe during, I would like to take a look at our school system K-12 and revamp it so schools will teach kids morals that don't necessarily require religion. I'll also have a "common sense 101" class at least every 3 grades just to teach kids things that will be helpful during life outside school and work.
The correct answer to this question is to start a space company, build a rocket and fly myself off this god forsaken planet. I hear Mars has nice weather.
Pay my bills, go to work and then start planning for opening a small restaurant in the middle of nowhere so I can cook all the time and be left alone by people.
I would see the wonders of the world. Every awe inspiring natural formation. Every feat of man. I'd eat every food. Buy a set of clothes from each culture. Take everything in. This is my heaven.
Donate half as it would be a tax write off. Call my employer and quit. Search for and find a decent financial advisor/accountant. Purchase some land and build my dream house. Open up a BBQ restaurant. Live my life the way I want to live it.
crusoe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At that level of money establish a sovereign wealth fund and fix the us.
6% interest on one trillion is about 60 billion a year. I could do some capital investments and then sit on the remainder. With endowments to every state college free tuition to all with probably hundreds of billions left.
From there healthcare investments. And funding PBS and science shows.
I'd find some personalities to help push critical thinking. I'd invest in cutting edge research in renewables and get things like that new glass sodium battery to market sooner.
Kyzzyxx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just found my passion in life. Photography. I just bought a used meager camera. I want to photograph mountains and landscapes but I live in the south and have never even seen snow or a mountain. So I would have the wedding of my dreams, me and my husband will quit our jobs and spend as much time traveling as we can.
Rkane44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:27:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
call the bank and make sure its not a mistake. pay off mine and families' debts (anonymously). Try to continue living a simple life for a year while I speak with financial advisors and avoid blowing all of it.
Invest in my local town. Most likely in solar energy, since we have a market opportunity for that right now. Then travel, alot.
I'd hide it, and make a massive treasure hunt out of it.
minoe23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:28:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hope I don't need to pay a fuck-ton of it in taxes. Actually, who the fuck am I kidding, even if it's before taxes that's more money than I'd need in my life.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:28:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start my own space company somewhere in Antarctica.
LUE-42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:28:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would probably freak out, buy my parents a house. Me a house. And then buy my company so I could build it up how we all want and expand. Them probably a lot of investment/donations.
Give everyone on earth water (like wells and shit). If I'm not out of money, get as many people as possible internet. Make sure that I end with 100m so I can do fun shit too
I've seen enough movies to know that I should probably run. And probably get a Lawyer.
D_S876 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:30:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put 75% in a savings account. Invest 10% in stocks. The other 15% I'd spend on buying all next gen consoles, games, upgrading pc and VR. And socks. I always need more goddamn socks.
Id corner the market on toilet paper. I would buy every TP manufacturer in the country, then i would lobby congress to give myself a government protected monopoly. i would then raise the price of toilet paper 500%. The proceeds would fund the development of my clone army.
How was the money provided to me? Magically appear in stacks of hundred dollar bills inside my apartment? Because all I'd do is die. $1t in $100s would weigh 20.4m lbs.
Everyone else in my apartment building would probably be crushed to death as it collapsed under the weight of my newfound wealth as well.
Probably shit, shower, and shave and go about my day like any other day. I'm a simple man I'd go buy a house and new vehicle and that's about it to be honest
I'd Bill Gates it up. Invest a very small portion to grow, set up a reasonable trust for my kid, then start a foundation and give the rest to people and organizations who really needed it.
I'd also go on vacation.
Ne028 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:34:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy the island my friends and I are dreaming of. Then get a decent computer, set up wifi on the island, but a boat to visit the mainland. Then I'd just ensure none of us had to work a day in our lives again.
Drop out of the paralegal program and start working towards becoming a veterinarian. It's my dream, but sadly the exorbitant costs prevent me from making that choice currently.
I would donate around 20% to charity and put the rest in banks, trusts and investment accounts and have my family and their family set for the foreseeable future and beyond.
I'd shit, shower, and shave, then I would place the money in an Israeli bank, because Swiss bank accounts are a thing of the past. Then maybe I'd go swimming.
Build the ultimate streaming gaming setup, get Paragon popular for comp, and make a stream my little brothers would be able to watch, then game til I die.
End world hunger with 30 billion, try and lobby the U.S into enacting congressional term limits, try and buy Fox news so I can shut it down. Invest some. Shit. What wouldn't I do.
Probably have a heart attack since that's how the universe works.
elheber ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:39:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Use my money to change politics (for the better). I'd literally use my money to take money out of politics. Although I'd have to figure out the details, I'd lobby enough congressmen to: 1) replace FPP with Instant Runoff, 2) do away with gerrymandering, 3) require all political funding to be completely transparent.
Then I'd offer to pay the first one or two years of a single-payer healthcare system for the country provided it is enacted for at least ten years after that.
Now nearly broke, I'd live off of the last millions as a recluse in the mountains. I would be writing books nobody will ever read, making indie games nobody will ever play, and painting art nobody will ever see.
Play Sim City with wherever I decide to live. Buy out a huge percentage of ground level retail/restaurant spaces. Close the ones I don't like, and only rent to tenants I want.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:40:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
After making myself comfortable with a nice house and steady interest etc. I would start producing films that I really want to see done right like Avatar the last airbender and maybe a Legend of Zelda film. I would be he guy who wouldn't mind taking a loss as long as the franchises got the films they deserve.
wooq ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:41:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a bigger house and a new car, maybe a few toys, invest the rest for retirement.
I would let a single tear roll down my cheek knowing that overnight my mere $1100 in savings inflated to over $1T indicating a complete economic collapse of the world's economy.
Call the bank to see if that was an error. If it's somehow legit, then I'd transfer some money to an overdraft account then close that account as a fuck you to the bank for charging me $30 for overdrawing.
Hire security. Hire a lawyer. Take care of my family and friends. Buy a company I don't like and fix them. Buy a company I don't like and leave all of them destitute. Buy one really stupid thing. Donate a lot of it. Mess with Donald Trump in whatever way I can think of, probably by finding out how much he's worth then always making sure Rosie O'Donnell has one dollar more than him. Die in a drone strike when he loses his mind and has me killed.
Put half aside for future use. Setup a meeting with Elon Musk and Bill Gates to determine opportunities for dramatically improving life/sustainability for the worlds population. Hire a team of reputable financial advisers.
With 990 billion of it I would start a private foundation of non-politicians that looked at how to properly educate kids and then have them implement it countrywide, for free. With the other 10 billion I'd buy an island and go live on it.
I would build a small affordable home that would be solar and half the price of normal homes. It would be a model for environmental living in a world with a changing climate. Then I would go back to work.
But a huge plot of land. Build all of my family and friends their dream houses. Helicopter for everyone. Big private plane. Best security around. Everyone takes their dream trip.
Set aside 50 b to keep up our lifestyle.
Split the rest. Half goes into a private foundation, half to a nonprofit political organization.
Buy the Koch brothers.
Buy lobbyists to reverse citizens united, invest in public education, reform the healthcare system, invest in renewables, etc.
Buy one of the 20 million dollar ranches for sale here, buy a condo right in town.
Buy whatever land I could from the greedy people in this community and actually build affordable housing for the community.
Then you know... buy the ski resort or something.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:45:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off everything for my parents and close relatives.
Build a house with a large garage.
Buy myself some motorised toys.
Travel.
Begin strongarming politicians.
Change canadian voting system
Begin working towards being the first mining company in space.
Name my first ship USG ISHIMURA for shits and giggles
I'm going to be honest. Always wanted a three girl blowie that would be my first spend.
Lebagel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:46:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I actually woke up with ยฃ50000 ($65kish) in my bank account one day. Given at the time this would have constituted about 2 years salary it was obviously quite a shock.
Turns out my Grandma had accidentally sent it to me and I had to send it back.
Same thing I would have done anyways...pack my shit and go up to visit my parents. Lots of money in no way removes my obligations to my family, especially as they get older.
Pay off everyone's student loan debt. Support research and causes that increase food productivity and quality of life. Have a little left over for myself to not worry about the simple things.
Watch in horror as the economy crashes, because locking 1 trillion dollars into one place is going to severely damage whatever currency the trillion is in.
Assuming somehow that it's not going to do that, though, I'd begin buying up stock in various oil and gas companies and getting them to diversify into green energy. While doing that, I'd also be putting large amounts of money into lobbying for more sanctions on coal/oil and more resources into green energy. With pressure from both sides on the oil companies, hopefully they'd make the financially smart choice and start working on green energy themselves - the tech's all there, it's just a matter of persuading them to adopt it. I'd even start financing parts of it myself if need be. Once green energy is flourishing and coal/oil is on the way out, I'd probably have significantly less money, but STILL a few billion left plus stock in the energy companies that are flourishing in nuclear/solar/wind power. I'd buy a small island somewhere up north, build a comfortable house there, and live comfortably on the billion I have left for the rest of my life, content that I've done everything I can to make the world last a bit longer.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably go to some insanely awesome resort with a few of my friends would probably be the first thing I'd do. Then I'd live an insanely rich lifestyle until I get depressed an inevitably kill myself.
TeaSwiz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Siphyre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would spend a billion of it on castle clash gems. Then another billion on Runescape Bonds, Then another billion on Some other MMO then a house big enough to hide in without much effort.
Oh and spend the rest on research on making a couple hundred real fire breathing flying dragons.
Av1ate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a garage, equip it with ALL of the tools. Learn how to be a mechanic, and have a stable of motorcycles that I can ride wherever/whenever I want. Perfect carpentry, and outfit a modest house with beautiful handcrafted furniture that I made myself. Buy a dive bar. Then probably figure out which charities deserve/can handle copious amounts of money. United Way/Boys and Girls Club are at the top of that list.
Oh, this is after I've taken care of all the legal stuff to make sure my family will be taken care of for a couple generations.
Spend $500b funding education and buying media/television companies to change attitudes in this country (specifically the south) to reverse the anti-intellectual movement and encourage the government to serve the people (global warming research, increased social services, better tax systems, a revised bill of rights incl right to choose, privacy, etc). Spend another few hundred billion on real estate. Buy a yacht and sail the world in the meantime, directing the above from my sweet yacht command center.
Also I'd buy Disney. Because I need advanced Star Wars screenings, damn it.
jlaux ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:50:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire a financial expert, who will probably tell me to invest the majority of it, which I will. I'll start up charity projects across the world, such as providing clean water and shelter to those who are less fortunate.
Ok here's what I'm doing:
Buying myself my dream car: rolls Royce wraith. Maybe something else.
I know I wouldn't need to go to school if I had a trillion dollars but I want to. So I'd pay for my undergrad and grad schools. I'd buy off my parents debt, give them a nice house and nice cars. Pay for my brothers college, friends college, get my girlfriend a new car and house, and donate the rest to charity
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd move to New Zealand and build my own Shire. I'd live like a Hobbit to the end of my days. I'd have houses built for all of my family and friends, keep enough money to ensure my little Shire never wanted for anything, invest some for my children and their future children, and then I would donate the rest to various charities/organizations, especially to help NASA and Elon Musk put people on Mars and explore the universe. I'd donate to provide everyone on the planet clean water, plenty of food, access to education, birth control/family planning/reproductive health and information and such, and then I would just check the fuck out.
quit job, quit school, play games, make music and art, buy a nice house, help all my close friends and family with whatever they need. money doesn't necessarily buy happiness but it does buy free time.
I would create a post on reddit saying "Comment on this post for reddit gold" every single person that comments on that post until it's offered will receive reddit gold. Might just break reddit.
Sleep in. Hire martial arts masters to train me for self defence reasons. Work towards a Phd. Arm my house with secret doors to hiding rooms, hidden weapons everywhere. Live humbly
For sure financial advisors and attorneys are needed. I always thought that if I won millions in lottery I would follow the rule of 3/third. Invest a third, save a third and spend a third. But a trillion dollars puts things into a different perspective. Maybe invest three quarters and have the last quarter to spend on what ever. The gains from interest with three quarters of a trillion dollars are more than enough to live off of I'm sure.
I think about this a lot but with 100mil so I'll have to expand with this much extra dough.
Buy Palo Alto
Offer all friends and people I generally like to pick a house and move there with me
Throw a giant Gatsby like party (with many body guards and security make it safe and people must sign a legal document so no one can sue for anything that happens there)
Buy my husband and family anything they want and give them each several millions for whatever they wish to spend it on
Donate a shit load to many charities
Create the worlds largest animal sanctuary in order to save as many pups, kittens ext as I can
Invest millions into cancer and Alzheimer's cure research
Pay off all my debts
Create a trust fund for my daughter and include lots of gold
Throw a parade for bunnies
Visit Ireland and Scotland (the land of my Heritage)
I could go on forever but those are the things I think about the most.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:58:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a big sack of dope, order Dominos and take the day off.
Pay for the best schooling possible, major in politics, economics, and biology. Go find a country to buy and rule, lead them to become a world superpower and lead the world to a new green revolution. Don't want to leave a fucked up planet for our future generations to worry about and fix.
Form a trust. Buy a huge swath of land somewhere with a decent amount of rainfall, build a house.
Financially take care of the dreams of all of my friends and family. Retreat to my house, live a quiet life free from financial burdens and obligations.
If my mom was still alive I feel like I would have a million answers to this question. My goal was to always grow up and be able to give her the world plus more but now that she's gone I don't even think I'd know the first thing to buy with that type of money.
Go to work, shit directly on bosses desk and peace out like rick James on way put the door. Then would immediately enroll in school, take all the classed I like with some financial classes in top.
I'd start buying houses and land all over the place. I love Jacksonville, I would call up Khan and get the ball rolling on helping to renovate downtown and revitalize the city core.
And see if he'd let me be a minority owner of the Jaguars.
No idea what I'd do next, probably keep going to school and work towards something more along the Finance side of things. Start a non profit and a few companies.
I'd love to buy a neighborhood, rennovate the homes and see how many friends and family I can get to move in and live rent free.
That way we could all look out for and help each other out and we'd have kickass block parties every year.
Fuck living in a mansion in a private castle. I'd want to be near friends and family.
I would look into buying country estates all around the US. So I could get away to different climates and have a lot of land for future developments.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:01:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give all but 10 billion to Bill Gates foundation
G3NOM3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:02:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would open a non-profit, affordable online university that would allow everyone to take courses for between $30 and $50 per credit hour.
Then I would buy SpaceX and personally find mankind's diaspora to the inner Solar system.
I would buy the patents to as many lifesaving drugs as possible and make them open source.
Finally, with the change left over I would try to end poverty, hunger and homelessness.
Well first order of business would be to wake up, put on my finest "country club" clothes, drive my shitbox car to the Subaru dealership and get the nicest Forester they have because it's the perfect car for me. Then I'd go have the most expensive brunch my city can offer, followed by afternoon cocktails resulting in a mild mamosa induced day buzz.
Afterwards, I'd go to the snooty high-end men's clothing store that kicked me out once because I was wearing a ratty military jacket and buy it. The whole damn store. And then make the employee that kicked me out kiss my shoes while I did a jig. The image of him chasing my feet and occasionally getting kicked in the face is what I want. I'd just take the nicest suit they have because I'm the owner and it's a total power move. I can buy the whole store, but I'm just gonna take the nicest item because fuck you try and stop me.
Then I would get a lawyer and have a long discussion with them just so I can figure out the rules of being a 0.01% wealthy cunt.
Then I would go back home, slap my shitty roommates in the face with a stack of $100 bills and inform them that I bought the house, making me king. They now have to refer to me as "your highness" or "my liege" exclusively. I would then call a moving company to come pack up all my important stuff and get it ready because my next move is to buy mansions in every country in the world. Even one in Antarctica. Well, it would be more like a super villain hideout, but that's just because of the magnitude of the house and location.
After buying the properties, I would offer my parents and brother one, or any house/car/thing they want. We'd all go on a trip as well, eventually. I'm a sucker for family. Then I'd basically just work my way into every billionaire function for the rest of my life and just be a complete asshole to every rich asshole I meet, making fun of them as I see fit. Doing things like calling zuckerberg a poor nerd, I'd buy Facebook and rule social media with an iron fist. I'd implement a mechanic where if you can't pass a basic grammar test you can't even get a Facebook account. Then I'd buy buzzfeed and dismantle the entire organization.
The rest I would probably invest and put towards the dismantling of fossil fuels and creating a renewable energy system in whichever country I end up liking the most.
Hire an accountant or assistant to help me keep track of everything. I'd fix up my family's current house in New Jersey. Buy a nice apartment somewhere around San Diego or LA. Buy a nice apartment in New York City. Travel to every country (except for obvious ones like Best Korea and Iran). Invest some of it into some form of business. Donate a couple million to a couple different charities.
Zibob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:03:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not tell anyone. Say I got a job and move out. Then just chill and probably destroy my body with all sorts of poisons I could not afford before. Build a new PC. All the general good living things. Nothing crazy.
Aurify ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:03:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy Overwatch and a computer to run it on. Then I'd probably go to Milan or Barcelona.
I could probably wipe every single canadian's debt and have billions left over...
Charity, philanthropy...your options are endless really...If you wanted to be a dictator, who's gonna stop you, the guy without a trillion dollars? HA! I'll have a throne made of fucking yellowcake!
Wow, that took a wrong turn somewhere...I guess that's why dictators do what they do...
Freak out because I'm now probably on some list the world governments have and will no doubt become a target of murder, espionage, fake love, and door-to-door salesmen.
Buy my mom a house. Pay out all of my debts and legal issues. Pay out all of my family and friends debts and legal issues. Start marijuana company start up. Center it around job and lifestyle rehabilitation. Attract veterans struggling to adapt back into civilian life. Give them work. A healthy work schedule and environment. Have on location living quarters. Individual rooms. A communal living room with bunks. Different areas for exercise and fitness. Weekly group smoke sessions with open discussion. Hire therapists, counselors, and source mentors for employees. Set up so that turnover is expected by scheduled with the intent of bringing in those at the ends of their perceived ropes and being left out with a new lease on life. A healthier mind and body, a reset daily routine, and money in their pocket. Franchise out. Begin a social reform of communal grow ops making all forms of cannabis products, including hemp products. Develop a culture of acceptance, understanding, and open discussion. Pay it forward every day.
probably go on a sex vacation and rent a bunch of young whores. rent out a mansion somewhere that's nice and remote. have a doctor check all the young whores for diseases. go to town. pay them a fair price. get like different races and shit.
Invest 1/2 to generate money for charities for veterans, homeless and drug addicts. The other half to spoil my family and closest friends. Maybe buy a massive plot of land to live off the grid along side those closest to me.
If the money generated for charities has a solid returns I'd work on opening more hospitals for the shriners as well, or more and better equipment for them. Sorry for formatting, on mobile and in a hurry.
Id go to work like a normal day. I wouldent let it take over my life, id dress alittle nicer, buy my dream cars which are practical cars and just humbley go through life not worrying about a thing other than what dope shit i can do whenever i want. Dumbest thing to do when you acquire alot of money is adjust to the lifestyle and that's how you fuck up.
Obviously I would put all of my money into designing mecha. All of it. $1t would lead to a hell of a lot of scientific breakthrough, and even if no efficient breakthroughs were made, fuck efficiency I've got a trillion goddamn dollars.
CJ090 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Live off the interest, finish my internship and degree, be happy in knowing I can get a house wwherever I want/need. After college, just work on my video game I am making until I get bored and then go get a job.
belloch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:08:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd get myself a small apartment, a more or less new car, a new computer and all the software I need for my stuff.
Maybe then I could finally focus on getting my shit together and train my skills for the job I want.
Oh yeah and Nintendo Switch and Zelda BotW. Guess I'd have to focus on that first.
I would start a Miracle Centre helping the homeless, oppressed, and anyone needing help.
We would help people find work (probably start a cafe type thing), help them seek treatment, and housing. I would probably start a mini-house community to help with the housing (or an apartment building or two).
Oh and I would buy a large property on the river that would fit multiple homes on it for my family, my step-dad and his wife, my boys, and step brother.
Id probably pay off all my immediate family's debt along with mine. Then probably give them each ten billion dollars. After that its time to explore the world!!!!
lawwson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:09:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Live the way I still do, hopefully no one knows I'm that rich. Secretly dish out cash to people in need.
Follow my dreams, so buy a home for me, give some of those money to my parents, buy a Tesla model s p100d, get my helicopter pilot license and buy a trip to the Moon from SpaceX. After this i would have used a small part of the money so give some ti charity and love an Amazing Life
Pay for the best lawyer in existence to get custody of my kids from my leech of an ex, leave a million dollar check with her and tell her to piss off. buy the best education i can for my girls, ensure they'll be set once i fund a business venture for the two of them at 18. Then buy myself a corvette.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:11:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once I've bought everything I really want that currently exists, I'd fund every project I want, support my whole family, friends, and people on the internet whose work I enjoy, and make myself disappear unless I want to be found.
One thing I'd pay as much as needed for would be replacing my entire body with robot parts until I am an immortal brain piloting a hunk of metal, then continue to upgrade myself until my money runs out.
Ace_787 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:11:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy some Starbursts, they sound good right about now.
Loose it. Fast. Get a really bloody god lawyer, then two more, and a team of PI's to investigate each other. Put enough into separate funds to give myself plenty to live in comfortably, same for close friends, buy many houses all over the country with security, again, working off interest from funds. Then get Elon musk, Stephen hawking, and bill gates in the same room to figure out in what order we're going to fix the planet - whilst I have more money than them, they have more experience with using it for worthwhile purposes, whilst also being rich enough that fleecing me isn't a priority for them. Fix the planet, job done.
All the stereotypical stuff of course (house, car, family, charity) but I'd also start my own film studio that would have two purposes. To find and finance projects by those who are disenfranchised by the film industry (POC, LGBT, women) and to remake movies that got severely fucked the first time around (looking at you, Eragon).
I'd become a powerful political lobbyist and represent the interest of the american people. I understand a vote costs around $125 - $250k. Chump change to a trillionaire.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:13:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make a superdrug, then build a colony on mars with robots to staff the citizens. All the refugees can go there, and immigration is no longer an issue. Hell, let's colonize every planet! Can we afford that?
Quit my job, invest in green tech, build a ranch house in Montana (or someplace open and green), build a small solar farm nearby, provide jobs to some fine American folk, game, buy/shoot guns, raise a couple German Shepherds and cats, maybe get married and have some kids, call it a good life and live for however long I or my body see fit.
Pay off family bills for all of my immediate and extended family and make sure I've got enough in the bank to survive happily until the end of my days (couple billion)
The rest of that money is exclusively "Fuck You" money. Oh hey grocery store I've worked at for two years and has made me completely miserable, it would be a shame if somebody paid every customer to go to the other grocery store across town. They'd have to lock me up, people's lives would become playthings in the might of my wealth.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:14:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay ALL of my debt, then call in sick. I'll give it a month before I quit just to be sure it doesn't disappear just as fast.
After I wake up from my extra sleep, I'll start looking for my dream home and car. I'll then donate half of what's left to charity, and take the other half to live off the interest for the rest of my life.
I would call Pebble Beach and tell them the Casa Palmeiro Suite is now rented forever; if they say no I buy the whole place. With a place to hang my hat, the plan for world domination could now begin to take shape. Plus. Pebble every morning, Spyglass or Cypress Point every afternoon.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:15:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off mine, my sister's, and my closest friends' student loans. Buy a lifetime supply of food for starving people around the world. Then use my money to promote effective methods of controlling the population this way the world doesn't become overpopulated as a result of my generosity. If I have enough money left, I'll pay for the educations of people around the world, too.
ptd163 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:15:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Assuming that it's USD, create a legally binding contract with the Canadian government that if I pay off 250 billion of their national debt that I'm immune to any and all prosecution in perpetuity.
Then hire bodyguards and lawyers and I'll just live like a king on what I have left.
Take care of my family members for life, pay for myself and my siblings and nephews college, donate some for good karma the live frugally for the rest of my days and only work part time.
I'd pay off my private school student loans. Then, with the remaining $10k, I would probably buy 3 and a half oh-so-tasty treats from The Cold Stone Creamery.
I would buy a TV studio and allow writers/directors/actors to make whatever kinds of shows they want, within reason, and not be like the douche studio execs and micro manage everything.
I would buy or make my own music label and help artists make the music they want and distribute it to make them money. If anybody comes up to me stating they participated/won a singing contest I would kick them out and only hire people that have practiced music without that crap.
Donate $1 Bn each to 10 different charities, donate $10Bn to scientific research, $10Bn to schools and universities. Build the biggest baddest gaming PC known to man. Pay off my families loans. Buy a house, a boat, a house boat and a plane. Invest the rest.
Call up my job, tell them I quit, pick up my switch and play BOTW in bed.
Edit*
Hell I'd even write a check to my job for a million bucks just for quitting without the notice.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:16:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drop out of school first of all. Fuck it, I'm in ninth grade, I know all I need to know, fuck this. Buy an amazing pc for programming and gaming. Buy food for my whole family, noone needs to work. Once I'm 18, move out and buy a mansion in Hawaii.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:17:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
probably cry tears of fucking joy and go buy some food
Put 10k in envelopes and track down my favorite old teachers and hand it to them.
Found some of the best schools in the world, around the world, and admit students based on merit.
Do Elon Musk shit.
Get the best gaming/home theater system money can buy.
Travel the world on $20 a day and let the rest of my money sit there because I would destroy the world economy if I tried to spend any significant portion of it.
Pay off my parents debt, pay off my student loans, buy a new car, buy a house, quit my job, and adopt four dogs and a cat and then just chill the fuck out for like ever
orionat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:18:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldn't be able to spend it all myself, so, give some away to friends and fam, donate some and then live comfortably and travel until I die
After the trickle in the bucket that would be finding every video game known to man, and making sure my friends and family are set for life, I'd try to help out my government's debts.
Pay off all our debt. Mortgage, medical bills, student loans. Make sure my mom gets the dental work she needs; also the foot care and other doctors we could never afford to see. Buy food.
Figure out a way to make a career. Advance myself and become smart enough to work with the creative minds of people like Elon Musk and Bill Gates. Give back in a sustainable way that actually makes a difference. And when all is said and done, be able to be alone and in peace doing some yoga in my house. Being grateful my mum doesn't have to break her back figuring out how we'll survive the month.
Pay off all my debt. Get a decent sized house, decent car. Have a wedding with everyone I want there. Go on a 1 month long honeymoon. Maybe buy a weedshop or grow operation and manage that so I have something to do with my free time. Get the tuba I've wanted for a few years and learn how to play it.
Make sure that wealth around the world was fairly distributed and that people had the basics tomlive happily in every country. Free education, healthcare, water and energy.
It's hard to fathom just how much money a trillion dollars is.
promixr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would the trillion dollars be right there in bed with me, like in bearer bonds or something? Because a trillion, actual, 1 dollar bills would not fit in my room.
Ryzen 7 1800x...SLI 1080 Ti... MacBook Pro 2016.
That's all! Then I'd go out and treat my family +friends. Pay off the rest of my college. Pay off my best friends college. Buy my dad a car. But my mom and stepdad the beautiful home that they want so bad. With 1 trillion it'd be really hard to blow it all. There'd be a limit on just how happy I could make myself with new items...spending it to make the people around me happier would be amazing.
Help my parents buy the house we're currently renting, help them pay off ALL of the bills, buy my dad a new car (He needs one.) by myself a custom built gaming PC with the latest hardware, buy myself a new computer desk and chair as well as a new mouse, a mechanical keyboard and a gaming headset and some nice speakers.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a country to be able to have a revenue
Buy an amazing house on the lake. Houses on the lake near me are expensive but I would tear down a couple and make a really big one.
Buy some real nice cars.
Go to school and hope someone notices me. :,(
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Trump Tower and make it into a homeless shelter.
Go to Chipotle and add guac to my burrito and then donate 99% of it
jykeous ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd invest 95% of it. The remaining 5%, $50B, would be my own that I could do whatever I want with and live an extravagant lifestyle. The returns on the 95% investment would be for I and my descendants to be used at our digression. The returns would be split between (about) 30% to charities, 30% for my descendants' personal use, and 40% to be reinvested.
aqouta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a private island.
Build a dope ass house on it with a hanger for aircrafts in order to visit other countries.
don't ever visit other countries
shitpost on reddit.
invest $998 Billion of the $999 Billion I have left in cool shit I want more of like Musk's projects and some cool startups. As well as any research targeting illnesses that run in my family.
enjoy still having a Billion dollars of fuck off money.
Buy every house in the Santa Monica mountains/Hollywood hills. Then demolish them and let nature reclame it then give it to the California state park service (federal might just sell it) and keep a parcel of land to build my house a futuristic cross between the Hagia Sofia and a Roman villa with a glass dome. If I have extra do the same to the San franando valley.
brperry ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd hire a lawyer, and start spreading it around.
"Dear sir, an interested third party who wishes to remain anonymous has taken an interest in you, and has asked me on their behalf to bequeath to you 100 million dollars after taxes in order to better your life. the only condition is that you do not attempt to find the identity of your benefactor. You may discuss your good fortune, but not pursue the source."
I would then give the money to friends and family, and stage a gift to myself. then we could all live like kings, and no-one would be jealous of my greater fortune. then I'd take some of it and try to you know cure cancer or something.
Donate to a local program called Austin's House, that helps foster children find safe and proper homes. Pay taxes on said trillion. Fly to New York, and eat a Kobe Burger. I think that's reasonable.
Quit my job immediately! Expedite our wedding since we'd no longer have to wait a year to save up for it. Travel around the world. Open my own animal shelter. Donate to various animal and animal-prosthetic agencies. Create a memorial for my dad who passed away two years ago. Design and build our dream house. Have children now that we don't need to stress over how we can afford children...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:24:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Throw enough money at the worlds problems to solve them.
Global warming? Here Mr Scientist, have 50 billion, solve that for me.
Poor children starving? Here, all of you go get a burger.
Funding for space programs? Here you go, go and do that.
In all seriousness I wouldn't know who to give money to to solve issues. So many people would be clamouring for it, all claiming to be able to do the things I want but I wouldn't be able to tell. Maybe I'd buy a guy to sort that out for me. And a guy to ensure that guy is all good.
probably give a bunch away to homeless animal/human shelters and some good bros, then make people i hate feel shitty (i would allocate a decent amount towards this), then disappear forever where i csn only be found (or reached) by people i like
Pay of all my debts. Give mom and dad some money as thanks for being there my whole life. I would donate money to organizations i like. Then i would save the rest and finnish my university education without money problems. Then find a job i like.
B0h1c4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:24:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The first thing I would do is give my wife $500 billion. I never want to question why she's with me and I never want to be in a situation where I'm not held accountable by someone.
Batm0m ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:25:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd switch lawyers, get the best one in the state, I love my current lawyer but I'd definitely go all out if I had the money. I'd get my daughter back from my stbx who took her and then I'd make good on the supposed threats, that I never actually made, to take her and leave and I'd move us somewhere safe and beautiful away from that awful man.
Honestly I'd probably still work. I would get so bored after a few months of doing nothing. I would tell people I came into a little bit of money, not say how much. Maybe start dabbling with real estate and flipping houses, since I'm already in construction. I'd pay off my moms mortgage and renovate the fuck out of it, amd get her out of that POS Rav4 and buy her an Explorer Platinum or somethin like that. I would then pay a hobo to unleash 1000 crickets on top of my dads girlfriend every single day for the rest of her life. Lastly, invest a shitload in cancer treatment since I can't seem to stop smoking cigarettes
dSolver ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:25:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Purchase a piece of land from a powerful government (US, Canada, etc), set it as my own sovereign state, bunker up, build utopia. Loan money to allied states for resources. With whatever money is left, build a company to create a VR MMO, and populate it with my citizens.
I would be really happy because I would be able to live off of that money for the rest of my life, have the money to have a lifetime supply of food and weed.
If I had unlimited funds (and I think $1T is close enough), I would grab my pets, pack up my jewelry, my computers/hard drives/gadgets, plus maybe four other items.
Then I would burn my house to the ground.
I wouldn't file an insurance claim. No insurance fraud or whatever. Burning without a permit is like the worst case scenario.
Then I'd build my dream house, and stop accumulating "things" once and for all.
God I hate everything I own except the mattress I sleep on and the actual walls and roof that keep me out of the elements.
Give me family enough money so they can live comfortably, tip every server at least $500,000, Start a record label, build studios, and probably buy a large pizza.
I usually say invest in posts like these but I doubt I could spend a trillion dollars even if I tried. I'd honestly just love a laid back life. Don't tell anyone about the money, quit my job, find a nice town, and work on my cars as much as I want. I could travel when I felt like it but that would be about it.
I don't think anyone needs that much to be comfortable. I would make sure I had the things I needed. A nice dependable car. A nice house for my family to grow in with a little bit of land to farm. A few implements and a tractor to take care of it all.
Then I would invest in a few business ventures to have an income stream for in case anything went south.
Besides keeping a couple million as a cushion the rest would be divided up into deserving sources. I would create a nice cushion for my friends and family. And the rest would go to help people start there own businesses and become financially independent.
I don't want a huge house that is impossible to keep clean or an expensive car I'm afraid will get torn up. And I don't want my daughter to grow up not knowing how to take care of herself without loads of cash.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:27:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make sure all my friends and family are set๐๐ผ๐ช๐ผ
com2kid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:27:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Exxon Mobil, BP, and Chevron, and whoever owns the most coal power plants. Start funding politicians who are pro-environment, change the entire national dialog.
Of the remaining $300 billion, use 10 Billion to launch a worldwide environmental awareness advertising campaign. Hire whoever did the anti-smoking campaign in the 90s, that shit worked yo.
Spend another 10 billion buying off every politician in every major country around the world.
A 100 billion to subsidize the living crap out of electric cars.
Spend another 20 or so billion to build a few Hyperloops. All up and down the west coast of the US, and then solve the east coast's transit problems as well. Boston to NY should be 30 minutes tops folks.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:29:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't realize I would actually probably do this until I read your comment... I mean fuck money has to come from some place right... There's probably som very angry people who want it back
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:29:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
relax when thinking about my future, cause the possibilities would be endless
I would purchase the Mercedes-Benz dealership where I work. Once it is done, I would immediately fire all the worthless dead weight ass fucks that work here and replace them with people who actually do their job. Then I would buy an amazing house sitting in the middle of at least 500 acres. I would have a garage full of every car I have ever wanted. My friends and family would never have to work or worry about money again.
Also, lots of drugs
HemHaw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:29:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a bunch of politicians.
Once I have that, defund a lot of the military (not the VA). Use the budget to give Americans universal healthcare, and free higher education. Then get a law passed that declares internet access a human right, along with net neutrality, and allow it to become a taxpayer funded project.
Then I repeal the parts of the NFA that restricts guns with weird arbitrary rules. Then change the background check system to be accessible to anyone through a smartphone app.
Probably look in disbelief at my bank account. Then call my boss tell him i wont be showing up to work because i have a trillion dollars. Tell my parents they dont need to work anymore. Pay off the remaining mortgage on my parents house. Buy them a new nice one. Fly to miami w/ my SO and Go car shopping for a nice car.
Or buy every property in NYC. And attempt to govern it
Keep attending class and working to achieve my educational goals but only after putting the money into a high interest savings account. I don't want to abandon all my hard work just because I can, at least not right away. Get a good education in case shit hits the fan.
Give my mom $99 Million then cash out $100,000, lie on top of it and have it rain and post a photo of that scene on the gram with the caption money trees is the perfect place for shade and that's just how i feel.
Hey guys! Guess what I just bought! That's right; The United States Legislative branch! They all suddenly saw the value of a single payer insurance system after their reelection campaigns were all funded by a single payer.
I probably would finish my degree, and get started with my life with a car, job, house, no debt. Then I would probably try to get America out of it debt(if that is even possible), and donate the rest to charity.
How does this work exactly? Am I waking up to find my apartment is crammed with 10 billion $100 bills? or is there just a deposit of $1 trillion in my bank account? If I just have $1 trillion in my bank account I would just assume it was a banking error and try to get it corrected ASAP (If they figure out I knew about a trillion dollar banking error and didn't say anything their lawyers would probably filet me alive). If I just had 10 billion $100 bills appear in my apartment, I would wonder what Robber thought it would be a good idea to use my apartment as a hide out. Also, I'd wonder how they carried 10 million kgs of paper up 3 flights of steps and crammed it into an apartment without raising any suspicion or collapsing the building.
If it was deposited in my bank account and I had a notarized letter that the money was gifted to me by /u/inapoc. Then I would instantly quit my job, pay off my student loan debt, pay back my parents and give them $2 million for a comfy retirement, and while I'm at it put $2 million aside for myself for a personal endowment to live off of, as well as put aside enough to get a PhD. in particle physics (definite interest of mine). I would then try to find the most worthy causes to donate the rest of the money towards. Probably a lot will go to promoting Science and the arts, but that's basically it. I don't need all of that money to support myself, so why keep it?
Clear debts (student loans, mortgage, etc.). Make sure my family is set up well for future (retirement, establish a trust, college funding, etc.). Establish a foundation and do good things locally (looking at you, Wisconsin road funding cluster fuck) and internationally (poverty, environment, sustainability, education, refugee crisis, etc.)
Put my dad through a course at the local community college to teach him how to "work the printer" because my patience is running thin. ๐ (or hire a full time printer attendant)
Go buy a sweet car on my way to my alma mater to set up a shit load of scholarships for deserving kids. Buy a 1080 Ti. Play some games. Get around to letting my wife know we're arguably the wealthiest couple in history and that I want to buy like five more pupper doggos then probably head to Belize for a few weeks.
Hire the top scoring students that finished their studies in machine-learning/AI and engineering. Make a deal with universities to have x% of their students in relevant fields run an internship in my company as part of their curriculum. Buy Google and make a deal with Elon Musk. Now we offer the government a cheap contract, so cheap they can't possibly refuse, which states that we'll design a system that uses Google's communications infrastructure and Elon's cars to make transport fully automated on the condition that human controlled transport will be made illegal by the time we are finished building the system and cars. Now we will allow all citizens to exchange their old car for our "basic" edition for free while we will offer more deluxe editions too for people that want it and can afford it.
After this I'll have the people whom worked on this project become teachers in the new school I'll make. In this school we will teach people and children of all ages. I will import families with their children from third-world countries and educate that entire family on the condition that they will return to their countries of origin and start their businesses there, when they do this I will send along a few students and more experienced people to help them.
Now these businesses all over the third-world have a solid foundation, they will hire locals and grow. This way we will better the world, kaizen style.
kr4v3n ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:35:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would find a moderately populated second world country that was open to outside benevolent influence. Then I would find and hire a team of economists and ex-military personnel and get to making a new world power.
EatUs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:35:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not go to work.
Be blissfully happy for 30 minutes.
Feel slight anxiety at the shear amount of money that is and wonder how I could protect such a large amount.
Have a day at the spa to think and ask the massage therapist and aestheticians what they would do.
I think long term, I would be very concerned with investing my money in organizations and people in multiple countries to positively influence the progression of humanity. I'd put money towards clean energy and cars. Fund research into all sorts of things like disease and psychology. Personally, and I hope I don't get flagged for this, I would really love to fund an organization of assassins. We'd only get rid of people that have committed crimes against humanity or whose existence would adversely affect a large swath of the population. There would have to be lots of checks and balances. Maybe the power would get to me and my own people would have to off me.... Hopefully not. Anyways. I'd fund world peace. I may have to kill some people to do that though.
dudius7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:36:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, the only thing I'd do differently is not go to work. I'd still sit around drinking cheap beer, playing guitar and video games, and chill with the same friends I've had for years.
Buy a large house out in the country, furnish it. Buy a pickup truck to use as a tool, buy a small car to get around. Start a program/fund to get troubled youth out into the country side to explore nature a bit and try to show them they have more options than their abusive environment at home.
Set 1/4 of it aside to "make do" for my family for the rest of all-time.
Create a non-profit and donate the rest of it to that non-profit so it can use the dividends to help people pay off bad debts and student loans and then teach them the proper fiscal responsibility our education system completely and utterly fails to. I've personally felt the huge weight that comes off your shoulders from seeing those $0.00 balances after years of bad situations and choices and then finally breaking through.
Crowdaw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:36:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Immediately maturbate to clear my head, and make a well calculated decision. Kanjataimu bitches.
Buy my Mom a house that she wants, with a fat kitchen because she loves to cook. Then buy myself a house with not such a fat kitchen, but with a workshop out back.
idk I'd have to think longer than it takes to answer an askreddit question lol.
monsto ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:37:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build a castle. I've already thought about this.
Find a burg that's a ~30m drive from a medium sized metro area... (Denver, Green Bay, Kansas City, Nashville, Reno, San Antonio, etc.) Somewhere I can go to get groceries, mail, pants, nails and cheese.
Buy up a large tract of land on a hill outside said burg.
Hire locals to build a thick ass, 20' tall concrete and stone wall around my property, and construct the buildings in the compound to survive explosives.
engineer the fuck out of the property so that I don't have to use municipal water or electricity
Have enough space so all the people I give a shit about could move in AND we could have all the services we need. That means houses for people and dorms for personnel.
Get high speed internet strung.
Cameras and turrets.
Catacombs to confuse invaders that use the secret entrance.
Pay off every single bill and all debt for myself, my siblings (especially because they've helped me recently during a rough job transition), my parents - clean slate.
Begin the search for someone to do charity research for me because I'm lazy.
Put in motion reenrolling to finish my damn degree.
This always is a bittersweet game. Mostly bitter.
Adog311 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:38:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably die of heart attack I assume. That would be way too big of a shock.
Or try to figure out what kind of insane mistake the bank had made and assume someone would be at my door instantly to make me return it.
Pay off debt of mine and my parents. Purchase houses for them and me. New cars. Trust funds and college put away for the kids. Travel the world. Take college classes in what I am interested in rather than what I need to take.
Put the vast majority of it savings. Then use some to get everything in my car that isn't working correctly, fixed, I don't even want a new car, right now I love the one I have. Once my car is in good condition I want just go driving around the US and see everything there is to see. After that I'll do the same around the world.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:39:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think I'd want to purchase a reasonable house for myself and another my parents that they can live in as they age and dependable cars for all of us. Pay off for school for all of my friends and myself.
Invest a little bit in some medical tech. companies. Donate a bunch randomly to people who need it.
then put the rest away there is no way I could spend all that money but I could be super comfortable for the rest of my life.
lots of weed and a house and some beer and a car and a lady.
Kalean ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:40:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Provide fully-owned homes and financial security to everyone I know and care about. Buy everyone I know a rift and gaming PC. Donate an obscene amount of money towards the further development of VR.
Start a bunch of foundations for things I care about and buy some cool stuff.
Iokuas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:40:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a condo, pay off my friend's mortgages, give my parents enough money so that they will never have to worry about anything in their pending retirement, then I would open an old fashioned malt shop with a gaming theme, hire all my friends and let them keep all the money it makes.
Call into work, Buy a plane, fly to Colorado, get mad high, meet up with my buddy and go golf, then fly back home and get yelled at by my wife for being late.
Give it all away save $5 mil. Pay off $30,000 in debt and make sure my family had enough to feel secure and comfortable. Maybe see whatever doctor I want.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:41:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get a good house off campus. Continue with my schooling. Have enough money for all the climbing trips I want. Pay off any debts my grandparents/parents may have. Buy all the philosophy books off of amazon.
shamu41 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:41:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest wisely after buying the Switch, a few Steam games, and a TV for my dorm room.
Let's be real here. I don't need a trillion dollars to be happy.
I'd travel the world volunteering for good causes.
Meet many great people and donate my money as I see fit.
Tempahh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:41:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cocaine.
ieatz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:41:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy 50 Boston Terriers (25 male 25 female), 3 Yachts for each Boston Terrier, an office for each one, 27 jeep cherokees, lifetime cloning for each dog too
Exhumed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:41:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make an Instagram account and live stream me burning it like the joker did, but only after skidding down the pile if money.
Quit university, buy a sweet house, buy a sweet car, buy all the boardgames I ever wanted, buy the sweetest PC imaginable and hire a sushi chef for a week to teach me all the ins and out of making sushi.
Then I'd make some huge donations to certain charities.
And finally get someone to invest the remaining 0.98 trillion.
I would keep working at my current job, because it's easy and gets me out of the house, then at night, I would start a fight club where people from your average office building can bring their pasty selves in and fight with other middle aged pasty people and win big money win or lose. Plus, with all the extra revenue, I could even make it a televised event and get better venues as time passes and put obstacle courses in the arena. Then I would sit atop the arena in my PJ's and my golden crown sipping chocolate milk from my gold tankard like a true billionaire should.
Buy myself a cabinet position in the Trump White House and spend the next 3 years and 9 months leaking everything to the press to completely destroy his legacy
Try to solve poverty issues buy homes for my unknown homies buy water for thoose who can't and same with food. I always thought when you have this amount of money it becomes your responsibility to look after thoose in need.
I could buy a brand new Boeing 777, fly it to Tokyo from New York and back, then blow it up in the desert and buy a new one. Rinse and repeat every single day for over a decade.
Ryvit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Generic answer probably, but I'd buy my family a new house and car, get my arm fix that never healed properly from when I broke it when I was 15, get a tooth pulled that's out of place, get braces because I never did when I was a teenager, and probably start a cool ass animal shelter so I can be surrounded by cats and dogs and happy kids adopting new pets all day. Then I could never be in a bad mood again
I would set up a program with the top environmental engineering colleges for students to design and build a modern, practical, zero waste, organic community. I would try to get Tesla on board to use their solar panels and batteries.
I'd buy a monster plot of land in Montana, or Colorado with a fresh water source and start building my mini zero print city. I would create a video marketing my idea of building a city that is integrated with nature, has zero waste, but all of our modern conveniences.
Pay to go to the dentist, mostly. It's the small stuff. I might also buy the entire developing world clean water, proper infrastructure and a decent education system. Hopefully world peace will follow shortly.
Go to the office as normal, turn in all my credentials, and walk out. Make sure to set aside enough to pay taxes on the massive amount of money I suddenly have. Enact "Operation Lottery Winner", which includes paying off all debts, donating to worthy causes, sharing some with family, traveling to all my "bucket list" places, and building a self-sufficient off-grid compound in the woods.
Crash the US economy in such a way that I could pull it back from the brink after leveraging my position into a rewriting of the Constitution to fix some of the major problems (everyone should be equal in the eyes of the law, secondary education and health care should be basic rights for the citizenry, etc).
If my plan fails, I've still probably left the place better than I found it.
veyd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy and then forgive all 1 trillion of the outstanding student debt in the US. Then run for president.
Call my Tax attorney. Find out all the rights that I have, what I need to do to stay off of the IRS radar, give allotted shares to family and friends, buy a tropical island, be an upstanding rich citizen, donate to favorite charities, and build businesses that pay living wages. All the while living on private tropical island where I secretly plot complete world domination.
I thought about this if i ever won the lottery. Realistically i think i would be a nice house, not an over the top 30 bed room deal. Just go to school and learn, live the healthiest life i can live, travel everywhere. And support my coke addiction.
I would have to convert it to GBP and be saddened by the fact it would be 82000000000 and not a trillion ๐
iCaused ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate two million to the Chicago public school system so I could say I one upped Chance.
Jeffool ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to work one last day, make several millionaires there on the way out. Do the same for family and friends. Take a cruise for a couple weeks. Maybe take a million or two to lose in Las Vegas for a week of fun... Then I think I'd make my own jobs.
First I'd hire some game developers to make some games I've always wanted to exist. I'd probably also create a video production company and make some TV. Possibly my own publishing company as well.
I'd happily bank 100 billion and restrain myself to only spending an average of $4,500,000 every day for the rest of my life. Then I'd probably be a philanthropist with the remaining 900 billion since the full trillion is an amount that would actually be hard to spend over the 60 years I probably have left.
To spend a trillion dollars in 60 years (21900 days) you would have to spend an average of $45,000,000 every day. That's a lot of work and signing documents that I couldn't be bothered doing. 1st few months I'd hire a committee of scientists to decide how that 900 billion could best improve the world, and just review their ideas, with a team dedicated to implementing them ready to take over.
What form does the 1 trillion dollars take? Is it distributed amongst securities, cash, property, etc?
With that much capital you have to be careful about how it's moved and spent. You could literally bankrupt or fund entire (small) industries by making a change to your investment strategy.
I'd call Buffet and offer him a fractional return to manage it After that? Probably spend the rest of my life doing charity work, gardening, and spending time with the fam.
Oh, and buy a Tesla Model X.
gnioros ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd invest in companies, try to keep expenses to a minimum, move to a state that I have always wanted to go to (Washington, Colorado, Texas, California), build a beast PC, buy a shit-ton of games, build a huge gaming collection (nes, snes, n64, ps1, ps2, xbox, and all the games from each of those consoles). In all I think I'd live a good life.
sadhury ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
wonder how i got a 60th of the worlds money
CougdIt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One of the first things I'd do is hide cases of $10 million in like 10-20 different places (and not share the gps coordinates with anyone. Looking at you, Walt) so that if anything ever happened to my fortune i would have security. I could live very comfortably for the rest of my life on any one of those cases.
Inevitably someone would find a case or two, but fuck it, i have a trillion dollars.
MpVpRb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call Bill Gates and Elon Musk and offer to help them
A car. A big shiny car. How about you?-New yorkโฆmaybe paris-mmm-Gona be a big shot for a while. How about you ned?-I wanna start a foundation to help homeless children.-Well, i ment to do that.-Well i meant i was going to do that first and then i was going to get the car.
mrminty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:48:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For a trillion dollars you could completely change the trajectory of the United States.
I'd use a small chunk of that to completely saturate DC with my own lobbyists and I'd start turning most of Congress and Senate to my favor by promising millions to reelection campaigns. I'd direct them to vote in favor of increased spending of federal funds on schooling and public health, even incentivising them by offering to match up to 50 billion of my own money. Planned Parenthood needs about a billion and a half a year to operate, they're in business for the next quarter century at least. The rest goes into similar clinics, and then grants for failing public schools.
After I assemble a team of the best and brightest advisers/lawyers/politicians, I'd start exploring manufacturing startups in the renewable energy sector who would be willing to manufacture in the rust belt, as well as lobbying for large tax breaks for any large employer looking to relocate to an economically disadvantaged area of the country. Naturally, things aren't going to be as easy as I just described them, which is why I have the team of the best and brightest. I'd invest in public infrastructure, parks, schools, etc. I'd make it my goal to spend a trillion dollars on making the US as good as I possibly could. I don't want kids and I have no interest in building a dynasty. I'd spend the entire trillion by the end of my life, save probably 15 million earmarked for dumb shit like jetskis.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:48:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
69th ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:54:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build an obstacle course of various chairs of various heights for him to jump over all day, every day
PC509 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest 45%, spend 5% on a new home, car, fun. Spend the other 50% on helping people - homeless, medical bills, local low income people, schools, educational programs, recreational programs for kids, foster children... A lot of things for kids, though.
Buy a large island than can be self sufficient. Then develop one of the most advanced science labs in the country. Then recruit some of the best minds in the world to work in my lab and play God. First order of business is to sort out cloaning humans and genetic manipulation. I need super soldiers. Also, spend a large amount of money to buy part of the moon, then funnel in funds to colonize that bitch and develop a moonbase. Finally. Build a weapon strong enough to eradicate all life on earth on aforementioned moonbase.
Make an organization for free dance lessons for kids who have anxiety or mood disorders. Dance was how I got through my dark days.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take my baby cousin to Disney World, then probs throw a party.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lots of high level trolling and helping those in need.
Start an abortion bus service in restrictive red states where we bus women to states that are more progressive so they can get their procedure done.
Start solar and wind power companies giving free power to people that rely on coal power and displacing that industry and the old curmudgeons that run it.
Build "down town" areas in rural communities that have to rely on Walmart as their sole source of goods as well as jobs.
Build billboards next to fast food chains that have heart disease and arterial plaque as pictures with an arrow point at said fast food chain.
Buy large swaths of land in the Midwest to create more parks, nature preserves etc where oil and gas can't get to.
Basically everything Bill Gates should be doing. I'm sure his work in Africa is doing great stuff but let's start rebuilding at home.
manslam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy a Hayabusa and a parachute. I would then stack 100s on top of the chute and get the busa up to top speed heading straight at wall that is insulated with confetti and glitter. I would yank on rip cord and deploy chute, sending hundreds flying everywhere and the bike smashing in to the wall sending confetti and glitter everywhere while I look down from above with a giant smile on my face.
Pay the legal fees for an honest, un-bias (god willing), investigation into Trumps campaign and presidency; donate the remainder to paying off the national debt regardless of outcome. I see clearing Trumps name or impeaching him and giving Americans back hope as the actual way to make America great again.
n8spear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my student loans. After that I'd have enough left to get a pizza.
Give away all but 10 million dollars to worthwhile causes. I would then finally take my wife on that special honeymoom getaway I promised when I asked her to marry me.
I'm immediately going to hire the best financial advisor and attorney I can find. Next, I'm gonna find four hard motherfuckers to chill with me and make sure I don't get robbed. Then, I'm gonna buy every pair of Jordan's, yeezys, ultraboosts, and NMDs ever made. Then, I'll fill a room with them and play with them like the ball pits McDonald's had when I was a kid.
Pay my school loans, pay off my car, prob take a leave of absence from work to focus fully on school and getting my CPCU. Travelling a bit, then heading back to work. Oh, buying a tesla.
Finish getting my PhD next year, then start a Center for Neglected Tropical Disease Research. I'd put half of that into the stock market and fund the research off of the interest. I'd hire a bunch of other scientists who care about diseases that are stunting development of third world countries, never write a government grant again, and spend all my time in the lab rather than at my desk. I'd also give a certain university I attend money to actually fund PhD students so they aren't limited to 1-2 per year.
Aeceus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:51:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a house for everyone in my family, quit my job, go travelling. Flight to Tokyo first probably.
Ecmep ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:51:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drop out of college, pay debt, then probably live my life how i see fit from there. Would get bored without work though so I would probably just find an easy job to pass time after a while.
Then pay off all my bills, family bills, set up trust funds for the kiddos and hire a financial consultant for smart investments.
But some real estate; commercial, residential and for future development. Buy a couple of amazing handbags, book some family vacations (Disney World, Europe and a get an RV for road trips!), buy my hubby the new Nintendo and a dog. Pay for my sister in law to get IVF, if she'd like. And donate to some local parks, conservation and humanitarian charities.
Then dump a bunch of cash on the bed and roll around in it. Then maybe enroll in college.
Probably give notice for work, or renegotiate for far fewer working hours on more specific projects, and then start house-hunting.
I wouldn't squander it, but there would definitely be some celebrating, paying off any existing debts, giving my relatives (some of them) a helping hand.
I'd also try and keep it as quiet as possible, or at least just not publicise it too much. I like to keep to myself, and having some money to allow me to keep doing that freely would be fantastic.
D3Darkk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:51:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd use that new Russian 3-D house printer to make enough homes to house as many people as it would allow. Then charge rent based off what they could afford to pay. Then with the rent money, establish food "banks" in each established sub division of the houses that would provide for them, based off a point system. Points would be allocated by the services you provide to each community. E.g. spent 40 hours in just one week cleaning the area and planting trees etc... enough points to sustain you for a months worth of food.
Die rich from the heart attack I would get from finding out that I have $1 trillion.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:52:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably diversify the currency some to mitigate risk, then invest in things likely to have a positive impact on the world. Renewable energy, food sources, data analytics research, etc. The I'd buy out some pharma companies and run them ethically.
In other words I'd try fixing the problems I have with the world.
I'd probably get up, and go to work like normal, get run ragged by my job and then do it all over again the next day just in nicer clothes. I am a glutton for retail abuse.
Kidding. I would walk up to my boss at the end of the day and offer to buy the business, give all my coworkers raises and vastly improve the business. Oh and that private island I been eyeing will be mine.
Start a music studio where musicians could record for free for 1-week periods of a time. Hire a good engineer to help artists make the best records/singles they can. Sit in on sessions when my musical talents fits the direction of the music.
Find movies to finance.
Make sure my kid grows up as long as possible without knowing we have money
Help people when I can, as anonymously as possible.
Anonymously donate half, build a series of affordable apartment buildings across the country, buy a really really nice car, retire to an isolated ranch in New Hampshire and live the rest of my days playing with guns, drones, and fireworks on my ranch.
With my luck the first thing to happen would be a massive coronary causing death instantly.
Same reason I've never bought a lottery ticket. I am going to wait until I am old and on death's bed. Then I'll buy a ticket because the only way I'd ever win a shitload of money is if I was about to die and not be able to spend it.
Honestly? Do what I can to disappear. Only people I trust implicitly would know where I was or how to reach me. Give immediate family enough to live well for the rest of their lives, but a trillion dollars would make you a target of literally every scammer and thief in the world.
Your best bet would be to get a significant amount of money into the stock market; the problem would be doing it across a wide enough base to not inflate the economy.
I think the real question here is what WOULDN'T you do to earn that much... would you eat someone else's puke? Would you have sex with a parent? Would you kill a parent? Would you kill your SO? Would you kill someone you didn't know? Would you get infected with AIDS?
It's easy to wake up and have it.
Edit: added questions
Dapsus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:53:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know I'm late, but seriously, this comment is probably what I'd do
a-t-o-m ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:54:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a fuckton of land, like $500 billion of land. Then give $10 million dollars to 100 different charities to see what they do with it. Give more to the well executed charities, holding $100 billion for this purpose. And then just do what I want.
Work with the US, Chinese, EU, and Russia to form a new organization to get humans on Mars. I would personally bank roll a large portion of my wealth to make this happen. I would also make sure that humans not only get to Mars, but colonize it and never leave.
Asked a similar question to a friends little brother a few years ago, he was probably 13 and his response was "I'd buy a soda machine." That's it, a trillion dollars and the kid just wants his own soda machine.
I would do my best to ensure as many girls as possible get to go to school.
Then I would buy a nice place and open up my own learning centre. It would be full of the most amazing resources and I wouldnt have to weigh the pros and cons of purchasing preserved specimens for preschoolers. And I could print out the children's photos IN COLOUR!!!!
I've been thinking about this quite a bit lately, and my answer is that I would start an ethical housing association.
I'm 36, flat broke, having to borrow money to pay the rent while I'm looking for another job, and have no hope of ever buying my own house. I'm resigned to having to rent my home, but am becoming increasingly angry with how the rental system works. Everything about it seems designed to fuck the tenant over; from the fees letting agents charge before you can move in to the landlords who do as little maintenance as possible, because all they see you as is the person who pays their buy-to-let mortgage so they can retire as soon as possible. I read something the other day about someone looking to move into a four bedroom house at ยฃ1750 a month, and needing over ยฃ6000 up front before they could get the keys. That's fucking outrageous. People need somewhere to live, but we're at the mercy of people who don't care that rents are going up faster than wages, they just want their mortgages to be paid.
There are already housing associations, but they're getting more and more tied up in corporate greed, with waiting lists so long that you could never hope to rent through them anyway. So I'd like to form an ethical housing association whose board aren't on six figure incomes, and who keep the cost of renting as low as possible. We would allow tenants to buy their properties after a period of time, and use the money to invest in more properties.
Sorry this isn't funny like most of the other responses, but it's something that's really important to me.
:edit: Having now read /u/MTechLife's post, I now realise that I could probably buy every empty house in the UK and begin the task of just giving them to those who need somewhere to live but couldn't otherwise afford to pay rent.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:55:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Become what some might consider a super villain, but for the cause of liberation.
Pretty much anyone remotely involved in the war on drugs would have death rain down upon them int he form of swarm of armed drones. Boko Harem? ISIS? Same shit. Swarms of drones raining down death.
I would use my money to maximum abusive, but legal, advantage in every single election until the politicians that gave money so much power in elections were forced to take that power away.
Drop out of college and buy a house, invest a fair amount and put a whole lot in savings and retirement funds. I would still work because I'm only 21 and I wanna get some real world experience.
I'd invest every. last. cent into the economy and watch it explode, then declare myself the one true president of the U.S. because I would own pretty much all of the economy.
Let the dog out, pay my car loan off while I pee, set up a college fund for my family, donate to Planned Parenthood, let the dog in and go back to sleep to deal with later.
There's no way the government won't want their cut in the form of taxes, and there's no way I won't be hassled by the news media and my family over the money.
I'll have a will written up to give the rest of my cash to charity upon my death.
That depends on the medium. If it's in a bank account, immediately start splitting it across multiple banks and investing a large majority of it. Hire an economist to help me understand the impact of that huge amount of money appearing out of nowhere, a lawyer to help me understand my legal obligations, and a private investigator to find out where it came from. From there, plan my next step based on the information I got from the professionals.
If cash, hide it to start with. Find out what my options are as discreetly as possible. Find a way to make the money legally mine without getting it confiscated in a misunderstanding.
If gold, hide it. Start a gold mining business, and slowly trickle the money in while adding to it.
Drive back home in the same car I currently own. Go to moms work and pick her up and tell her not to worry about working any more. Then same thing with dad. Go home, pick up our passports, and then get on the first flight to wherever. Once we get there id drop a few million in allmy family's bank accounts and few friends.
Basically just live in different hotels across the world for the rest of ever spending time with random foreign people.
I would pay off me and my wife's debt along with mine and her family's and buy a huge piece to foster rescue dogs and help them find loving homes
KLyon42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start solving society's problems, from developing an app to manage secure modern democratic voting to building a network of public hospitality resources for homelessness and hunger, to any other good ideas I could get behind funding. Try and leave a legacy that would change the world for even long after I'm gone.
Tomhap ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off student loans, get a cheap but nice apartment in chicago, buy a car and insurance, and buy some furniture. Then id save the rest for prototyping my card games and never having to worry about grocery money ever again
I'd probably find a way to give away at least half of that to charities and healthcare research. I'd have buildings made after that. I want to build a game tower for all the gamers that don't get to go to tournaments or experience other similar gamers in person. Want to be able to fly them/bus them out to have a gaming weekend with celebrities and stuff. Want it to become self sustainable so it starts making me money. Oh yeah and I'd feed my family and stuff
Pay back my parents everything I owe them.
Buy a house with some land.
Buy a new car.
Build a woodshop on my property.
Spend the rest of my life building furniture and guitars.
Get my Mum a dog and pay all expenses.
Our old dog died a week before Xmas, she cancelled the pet insurance as she couldn't afford it and didn't tell anyone until it was too late to renew.
She's now lonely and can't afford a new dog/has been banned from getting one until she can afford it.
If that was the case, then I would just lay low and not spend anything. The future is a mystery - who knows what could happen. Hell, if anything, this money might just help me get a room in a vault to escape the highly possible nuclear apocalypse!
But seriously, i wouldnt spend it crazy. Yeah, I might buy some clothing, but Ill also use it to open up roads for my niece and nephew. I would also use it to buy a small pink house. Hey, got to have fun here and there right?
500Rads ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:58:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's far too much money but I would spend a great deal of time working out the best usage of the money. But I would like to open a chain of cinema burger bars with sofas instead of seats or even bean bags. I'd also setup a games development studio and fund science. I'd like to buy renoise and put all the devs on full time. I'd invest in my home town develop areas create parks. I'd also like to build a new stone hedge with a modern aesthetic.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:58:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd do what I've always wanted to do- found my own independent production company and make movies and comic books and such. I'd have enough for some of the biggest budget films ever made, and it'd be ridiculously fun.
Other than that,
Buy a tiny house wherever I want and live there comfortably my whole life.
Single-handedly support the Old Friends Senior Dog Sanctuary, and any other shelters so they don't have to worry about killing animals.
Fund Solar Roadways all by myself. Don't get a return? I don't even fucking care. Solar Roadways.
Buy controlling shares in major oil companies, and lobby them to stop being dicks.
Start my own insurance company with affordable interest rates.
Pay off the college debt of people who can't afford it.
Wall Street is now BooptheSnoots Street.
Anything leftover goes to Tesla, 350.org, and the ACLU, and those types of things, because I'm a hippie and thats what I value.
I would buy as much land in the sunny states as possible (ie Arizona) and give power to the people (literally) for free. I read somewhere a long time ago that if 1% of AZ land was used as a solar farm it could power the USA (or maybe the state) I don't know if that's true or not, but land out here is pretty cheap and that's what I'd do.
Quit my job, schedule doctor appointments I've been putting off, get a comfy house and a car, and then start changing other people's lives.
There have been low points in my life where financial issues completely killed any joy I could get from it. A dark cloud of eviction hanging over your head, then knowing you're a burden on your family when you have to move back in with them will make you feel like any laughter you can muster is undeserved.
I would want to find people in that situation and surprise them with a fully furnished house with bills paid for like 3 years, a car, some extra cash, and financial classes to help them make great decisions with the money. If they want to take legit college courses that will help them in a career, I would pay for that as well.
Drop out of work to go to school. I'd rather spend my life and money on educating myself and even others than having to work all the time. I'd also travel the world with my family and invest the rest so that I can have a positive revenue.
Skiie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:59:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Non stop food and non stop sex.
Meykel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:59:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay for my college tuition and get a personal trainer. Give the rest away
id buy a recliner and rent an apartment with a balcony. then i would hit a joint while sitting on the recliner on top of that balcony under the moonlight.
Quit my job.. move to a massive plot of land... grow TONS of pot... maybe open a school for the under privileged, and fuck my gold digging, 21 yr old wife.
I'd probably keep playing Zelda all day but maybe, treat myself to a pizza or a something.
XCJake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:59:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably take advantage of my ability to destroy any economy in the world. Just think what an extra liquid trillion dollars in any economy could do, especially in smaller economies. There would be wild deflation as soon as I decided to start spending the money. I could monopolize any resource I wanted. You don't take over the world and hold it ransom for a trillion dollars. Get a trillion dollars and take over the world.
Call my bank and ask if there was a mistake. I would feel so uncomfortable with that amount of money.
js1652 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:00:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fund a few billion-dollar X-prizes for space exploration, decentralized energy production, anti-viral therapies, those sorts of things.
Buy all of the Ferrari 166's I can get my hands on; remove them all from circulation except for one or two perfect ones and those are MINE. I'd keep one or two as mint, but on my actual little red barchetta, the chrome trim would be replaced with gold.
None of my descendants ever have to worry about paying for education or health insurance again.
id buy a home in french polynesia then relax for six months planning how to spend the rest.
jason1q ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:01:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a small island
Become a king
Buy SpaceX out and arm that self landing missile with a Nuke
Start aiming that shit everywhere and then landing it in random places, only to re-fly it to another place so that it becomes a nuclear game of hot potato.
chux4w ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:01:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy or start up the next big social media site, then when everyone is on board and loving it, change a load of the basic features and layouts for no reason whatsoever.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:01:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
h2man ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:01:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy the company I work for... and show up to work as if it's any other day.
The face on my manager would be totally worth it... plus all the retribution (basically demotion to apprentice level) for the stupid stuff he's putting us through. :)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:01:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Leave Algeria learn how to make money (just so that I don't waste it) then buy as much big companies I can, heck I'd buy the White House or the Eifel tower. Once I'm done collecting money I'll give it back to its owners (most of the human race) and make life much much better.
Ps: I WILL buy many many cars and if I say I didn't then know that I've lied to you.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:01:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy an island, make it amazing, but maybe not too amazing because i don't want too many people wanting to come there.
Ban all bitter people from entering.
Purchase every ISP on the planet. Instruct them to lift all bandwidth caps. Now I have a monopoly on unlimited communication across the world, which means everyone on Earth who wants to do anything on the internet has to go through me. Net neutrality forever.
Then I'm gonna fuck off to Ireland and live in a cottage near the North Atlantic without a phone or internet. Have fun with infinite bandwidth you crazy bastards.
Roughly 822 billion pounds and with the UK national debt being 1.8 trillion pounds you still wouldnt make that much of an impact.
and with the US national debt being 19 Trillion dollars again it wouldnt even dent it!!
however you could bail out Greece as their National Debt is only 372 Billion dollars!!!
so spend spend spend!!!!
Fly to japan to discuss innovations in Thorium reactors and try to make more sustainable energy across the globe. Basically begin to start a second Gates foundation to help as many people in the world as possible.
Pay off the debt of all my friends and set up a plan that enables them to pursue their passions and invest in themselves. Explain to them why we cant shouldn't just go to the Ritz in Miami and bang prostitutes. Send my mom to Paris because I know she'd love to see it. Get my dad better doctors. Give my brother and his family a house that isn't falling apart. Eat a bitch'en Kobe Beef steak. Find a way to sue my old university for their disgusting mis-use of funds considering they have one of the highest tuition in the country and are grossly under staff/supplied. Make a large contribution to said university once under new management. Finally Bang the cute girl I've gone on like 6 dates with. Visit my best friend in Vancouver that moved away for work/girlfriend.
Buy a couple thousand acres of land. Create a drug rehab/prison/college/trade school. Try to actually rehabilitate people and help them become productive members of society.
And buy a boat!
I would first build a series of homes in an area for my friends and myself. We're all married happily but regret the fact we all live so far away from each other. I'd like to use solar tiles on the roof, so the community wouldn't have to draw off of the local power grid, maybe even set up something to help other homeowners do the same. Then I'd likely set up a scholarship in my home town for kids having issues getting financial aid. Then, let's face it, I'd be super selfish and go travel the world (with my earlier mentioned friends of course) never work again, and probably spend most of it on books, video games or vehicles.
I would see the world, then find an old fashioned girl
and when all's been said and done, it's the things that are given, not won are the things that you earned
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well that money would have to actually come from some place. So I would immediately start reading the news to find out where it came from
NukeML ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretend nothing happened. Start spending an extra 10 or 15 dollars every day.
Not gonna drop out cuz ya gotta suck up all that juicy knowledge.
Wait, hold on. A trillion.
So if I live for another 80 years (which is probably an overestimation), I'd only have used less than half a million, out of a trillion.
Ok, scratch that. You know what?
I'd drop out. Fuck my making-the-world-a-better-place-scientist dream. I'd enjoy myself for the rest of my days.
I'd go to Germany and England and Sydney and New Zealand and Easter Island and D.C. and New York and Antarctica and Tibet.
But if we find the key to immortality in my lifetimeโฆ
then after I hike on Mars I'm gonna come back on a spaceship full of women, then get sent towards the sun alone, where I'll press the self-destruct button before it gets hot.
i would first off invest heavily into spacex, and stuff like the gates foundation till i only have ~100 million left for myself, which i could live quite comfortably off of for a long time, plus id alwasy carry around 100$ bills to give to people that look like they are having a rough day.
dirkmer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 million chicks at the same time, that's what I'd do.
Get a lawyer and financial advisor.
Set aside enough for my family and friends to be comfortable forever.
Have some fun.
Look at some numbers and donate accordingly. For example, if it would cost $100 million to fund every homeless shelter in American for 5 years I would do that. On to the next one. It would cost $200 million to fund Planned Parenthood for a decade? Done. Etc. Etc.
I would spend 25 billion convincing congressman to change the constition to allow me to be the king of the united states and basically make my title the 4th check and balance.
Narcil4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build a safe and clean energy research center somewhere in Europe and hire a ton of smart people. Their first order of business would be developing a commercially viable Thorium Reactor and when it's proven open source the designs and help people build them.
i'd keep a million dollar to buy a house/electric car/wife of course.
Start my own anti troll company. Manly a skilled team of lawyers, technical people, and professional assholes to harass people taking advantage of our litigious system to bury and bully the average defenseless American Joe.
I would start a mortgage company. Help people by a house in 100 payments, maybe 102 to cover the accounting. That way people could own a house in a little over 8 years and not pay 22 years of interest.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cut a deal with the CIA for lifetime protection in exchange for the interest, then become a VC.
โข Distribute the money to different bank accounts.
โข Keep 1/5 in a local safekeeping place
โข Buy a home
โข Buy a car
โข Invest another 1/5 in stocks
โข Move to another state
โข Keep 1/5 to live comfortably
โข Spend 1/5 on stuff I want
โข Keep remaining money as money for tax/healthcare/etc.
Hm... a trillion dollar hookerbot or one trillion one dollar hookerbots?
Freyzi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Assuming this is a sort of genie like set up where I don't have to explain to my country's government or bank where this money came from.
Just act normal. Buy myself a nice and modern but not extravagant house, get my drivers licence and again, a nice and modern but not super expensive car, live my life in private and secret luxury and travel the the world.
Any woman I'd date would not get to know of my money and I'd simply say that I make good living off stocks or some shit.
Using the same lie I'd pay off my parents debts, help them both get into better homes and better doctors for their health problems and support my sister in her career in being an artist.
They key really is just to be careful and make people assume that at most I make a few hundred thousand dollars a year and as long I don't spend too much too quickly there should be no suspicion.
Hide it everywhere I could and move it to as many accounts as i could. Leave the country immediately to one without an extradition treaty. Pay off everyone I could in that country and change my name. Do some serious philanthropy in my new name so the locals like me. All the while bury and hide gold and other precious items where ever i can. Someone will discover the mistake eventually and I want make it as hard as I can for them to get me.
1) Buy up bitcoin and gold (not with coinbase or any other web wallet, duh)
2) Get a protection team
3) Get a few lawyers (or have a legal firm just available to do whatever I need them to) to deal with the ramifications of suddenly having 1 trillion dollars (tax, other legal things)
4) Ensure that the wealth is divided up between different non-FATCA banks in countries that do not have a FATCA IGA (thus avoiding a lot of tax problems)
5) Pay off any and all debts (not just mine but my entire family's)
6) Get property in Idaho and get the hell out of California (though maybe get a property in California I can return to when I visit)
7) Set up a foundation of some kind that would have both investment/profitable and charitable purpose. The objective would be to use a bunch of the funds for socially meaningful investments that would get a reasonable rate of return and also encourage scientific innovation, free markets, 1A / 2A rights, and / or liberty. That would cause the funds to grow over time so the money just wouldn't be eventually spent and then be gone. A sector of the foundation would be involved in donations (small and large scale donations, for example, grants to people who want to start a small business in the United States, or small project assistance for people in developing nations). The idea would be to have net growth of the finances but also continue doing donations.
8) Maybe go to the Moon or Mars. Also would want my own backyard shooting range (on Earth) and a place where I can tinker and work on projects to my heart's delight.
Here's the thing though... for a lot of the above (not all of it but a lot of it), you don't need a lot of money to accomplish the goals described. Sure a lot would be helpful, but you don't actually have to start (or end up with) a lot. Great video on the subject here.
I would go to work. I love my job (bartender) and the bar and community I work at/with. I'd definitely buy a house in town. Also probably a rolls royce. Then I'd pay my parents' debts and probably give them a billion so they could travel easily around the country and go to bluegrass festivals. Buy my brother and his fiancรฉ the house of their dreams. Open up a ramen shop because my city is in dire need of some good ramen in town. Basically try to stay grounded and better my community. Last thing I want is to be destroyed by my fortune. But I would definitely drink a Pimm's cup out of a pimp cup
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:06:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The first thing that I would do is pay off my student loans. Then I would buy a duplex. Then I would take enough money for me to live reasonably comfortable ( I don't really need much ) for the rest of my life including medical contingencies. Finally, after that is done I would take the rest of the money and buy up as many of the student loans that are over 10000 as possible and forgive them. It should benefit everyone in the US since it will free up a lot of people to start spending the money they were spending on student loans on other things.
I'd arrange a paydeal with the government regarding student debts. I'd forgive a large sum (~300 Billion) immediately, with the intent of forgiving as many debts as possible. In exchange, public college education would be free in the US. And that the US is to switch to Metric. And that the government changes their voting system from first-past-the-post to numbered preference. This is probably a small demand, but I'm not very interested in politics, nor do I know the workings of it right now. However, some things just need a little convincing in the right direction.
I'd start my own supercompany in high-tech (~400 Billion). It will vertically independent, possessing resources, manufacturing, software, hardware, education, and security. This includes buying and building mines, refineries, factories, stores, colleges, and ISPs. Some parts of the company will have to be placed in North Korea, others can be wherever. By having vertical possession, a great deal of negotiation, red tape, and cost can be avoided.
Speaking of which, I'd go to war with North Korea as a non-state actor, and will personally negotiate immunity with all sides involved (~150 Billion) to immediately end what I consider to be a serious injustice. Best case scenario, I would become North Korea's benevolent dictator in 5 years (3 years to negotiate/plan/buy/conscript, 2 year to prepare and act) and have a 15 year plan of recovery. North Korea will then be named New Korea. The first five years is to provide immediate aid, improve public infrastructure and education, install the non-state military, negotiate peace treaties, and remove mines. Aid will be provided throughout the conflict. Second five years is to invite global leaders to New Korea, negotiate business deals, immigration, and prospects, begin forgiving crimes, retire the old guard, and listening to the people. If anyone wanted to leave New Korea now, this would be the time. Last five years is dedicated solely to cleaning up any messes, including the cult personality, jails, and rebellions. The goal is to reach the same technological state as South Korea, but ran instead by an AI. The military will receive an appropriate salary, as well as stock (0.01%) in the supercompany.
I'd spread invest in other companies globally like Tesla, Google, Lockheed, etc (~120 Billion). Half of the profits made from investments will go towards organizations/charities, a fourth will be reinvested, and the rest will be for myself.
Some (~20 Billion) would be distributed to my family and my extended family. This includes my three sisters, my nephew, my brother-in-law, his immediate and extended family (1st cousin), my father, my uncles, and my grandmother and her immediate and extended family (1st cousin). This is safely around 80 people, who would each get around $250 million dollars. This is still a lot of money.
A bit (~10 Billion) is for good measure. Lawyers, salesmen, marketers, bribes, spying, personal security, middle-men, personal donations, tithes, taxes, learning foreign and programming languages, learning the workings of politics, debts, making a Firefly sequel, extending my life, and etcetera.
Edited by stream of thought.
TL;DR Pay portion of US college debt in exchange for sensible things, conquer and fix North Korea as a benevolent dictator, run a supercompany that seeks to create a living AI, investing for myself and charity, and compensating my family.
That's like 1000 fuck-tons of money. All of my family and friends are quitting their jobs. Me and my girlfriend are going around the world for the next 10 years. I guess I'll still probably have enough to buy a company by then, so I'll buy a few companies and live off the profits, then probably try to solve world hunger with the rest of the 90 billion dollars
Set aside money for retirement and future kids' college fund and some money for some of the shit I want.
Most importantly use the rest of the money to help disadvantged kids. Whoever I can find. Sex trade, abuse, poverty etc. Maybe set up major safe houses. I honestly have no clue. But help, somehow
Hire tax attorneys and CPAs to figure out what the fuck happened, and then to deal with the IRS for me.
Think about everyone I love and care about, set up trusts for $10M for every single one so they can just have at least $100K/year passive income.
Create some sort of charitable organization to help whomever the fuck I decide to help (which I'll figure out later).
Use that organization to sponsor a StarCraft: Brood War and StarCraft 2 association to create a huge influx of cash and talent into the scene. Team leagues, individual leagues, 24/7 curated streaming network.
Buy a controlling interest in Kodak and FujiFilm, make them bring back all the photographic film goodies I want despite the cost.
Private jet. Solid 2k-3k sqft penthouse apartments/condos in Chicago, NYC, SF, Denver, Havana, Maui, Paris, Tokyo, Osaka, Sydney, Seoul, Bangkok. Country homes in Ohio, Sorrento. Grand Cru Burgundian vineyard holdings and a winery. Furnished, staffed, ready to go within 6 months.
Travel with family and friends. See the world, do what I want to do, hope I don't get murdered or sick and die.
Browse /r/me_irl and realize that nothing has made me that much happier.
Hobble out of bed. Acquire some health insurance. Buy a small house. Buy a new Smart car (I want one), then run through Taco Bell. We're having the steak quesadillas tonight son.
I would a bunch of vape shit, I would buy 10 pounds of weed and get people and sell it,I would not go to school and get a lot of cool stuff, I would buy a car and a house, I would spend money on and island and build a house at the island then donate it -my table
r4ndy4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:07:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to work and see how long it takes me to get fired when I don't give a fuck.
Keonity ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:07:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get a Caramel Frappe at Starbucks a new computer and probably like $1k worth of Riot Points on LoL lmfao. Oh and gift all of my friends Civ V & VI because why not?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For a while now my idea has been to support start-ups (e.g. no-interest loans; expert advice; etc.) that create jobs. This seems better than charity. Otherwise I would focus on my fav charities.
After making sure my family was taken care of, I'd probably just put most of it into making education and medical care free for everyone. I think I'd feel better doing something like that than spending it on useless junk I don't need.
Construct a money throne made purely out of withdrawls from the bank whose front lawn in building the throne on. Put up a sign that says "free money". Then just manically laugh and throw money at people.
M A X I M U M P H I L A N T H R O P Y
But seriously, I have what's basically unlimited money, why not give people Kickstarters in the form of money to achieve their hopes and dreams?
I'd buy up a lot of my hometown and make improvements. Put in sidewalks, parks, open a brewery, several factories or software development firms, pay people top dollar and give incredible health care. I'd buy up land around town and designate it nature preserves, and maybe someday they'd name a cul de sac after me.
Buy $5 Mil in a valuable non-perishing physical commodity - build a secret bunker for said commodity in the MN area (maybe north of Brainerd somewhere. Secure it, and walk away.)
Put $500k into my checking account for current expenses and "fun."
Invest the rest in dozens, if not hundreds of different Income Generating investment annuity accounts with companies like Fidelity, Prudential, Lincoln, etc... Set up an automated payment until retirement age for my ROTH IRA, 401K, SEP. Drop a few million to my parents and brother.
Take my girlfriend on trips to Italy, Japan, MN North Woods.
Make her my wife. Make two kids. Set up massive education funds accounts for them. Make sure they get schooling (great schooling) and find hobbies to enjoy.
Ensure the financial empire of my blood line for the next couple of eons unless something apocalyptic happens - in which case, the stock of non-perishable commodities should be there to help out.
Oh, and most importantly - DO NOT FUCK THE MARKET BY FLOODING IT WITH MONEY.
Though, I may set up a ultra-high quality low-cost computer parts enterprise (motherboards, graphics cards, ram, flash drives) for fun even if it doesn't generate profits. Gotta help out my fellow PCMR.
Edit - forgot to mention setting aside about 100 million for charitable investment accounts. Humane Society, Ronald McDonald house, FeedMyStarvingChildren.
I'd dig a few 50m wide and 5m deep canals that would go from the Atlantic ocean to the Indian ocean across the entire African continent. About 750 billions.
Canals would be spaced 100km apart and be perfectly parallel to the equator.
Each canal would have solar+wind powered desalination plants every 50km apart.
Also I'd spend 50 billions for 5 supercomputers and have them do telomerase/cancer/mental illness/herpes/aids research 24/7/365.
Spend 199 billions on antigravity research.
Spend part of 1 billion on family, friends, give to random people, buy a house on each continent and a Bugatti Vision GT, a S66 AMG, a VW Touareg Dakar ready version, and personal helicopter, and vtol jet fighter, and a F1 car with proper mufflers.
Build a space program and try to colonize something or even try to build an autonomous station on some celestial body until it would be safe for man to go visit.
Invest in solar jobs for republican leaning Americans, alongside a push for better global warming information. Build infrastructure for electric cars. Build sustainable power plants. Create an entirely free digital education that goes from kindergarten to masters, and distribute it worldwide, while connecting grad level students to work on meaningful problems with top tier universities.
Inmem58 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When being asked while checking out at the grocery if I'd like to donate a dollar, I probably would.
Jurassic Park. But I've learned from their mistakes. The park will be in an underwater compound like in Bioshock, so if there's a raptor escape or something, we flood those chambers and rebuild. Problem solved.
Hergrim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:10:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to work. Pay off my debts and any debts in the family. Make a few giant term deposits, invest some more, buy a few houses, then write and produce a fantasy TV series that makes GoT look like a network drama. When you can put a billion into each season and make every episode a movie, why wouldn't you?
Guess I'd start counting manually. I calculate that if it came in all hundred dollar bills and you counted 24/7... It would take about 10.56 years. Better get started.
Realistically? Get legal help, shuffle it away in savings, keep going to school and work part time until I graduate, then quit my job and do some traveling for a while before I settle back down somewhere and work to find a career in my degree, feeling safe knowing that I have a very large rainy day fund.
In a fantasy world I'd quit my job, travel the world, become a famous artist, and have the best life ever.
Very first thing - I would go to Bagels Forever, buy a few bagels and a coffee and try to figure out what happened.
I would buy a house and have some of my friends (plus some licensing) help me turn it into a music venue for local bands. I would probably live there. I'd make it so my parents could retire then and there, and so my sister could pay off her student loans then and there. Donate to some good charities. Other than that, I would try to live life as normally as possible, with the exception of traveling a shitload and maybe working one less day per week.
create some kind of organization/fund to fight global warming, provide education, housing, whatever to impoverished children in 3rd and 1st world, create an underground railroad to ship abused women/minorities out of countries where they ain't shit, pay for a documentary to be filmed about prison camps in North Korea....
Buy my parents a new house, buy myself a nice house (bye parents, it's been cool), buy a car, pay off student loans (and sigh in relief that I wouldn't have to take out any more), pay my siblings' post-secondary ed if they decide to go. I'd figure out the rest as I went along.
Tryoxin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A few things:
1) Make sure no one else knows save for my parents.
2) Live life as normal for a while.
3) Organize the purchase (and possibly privatization) of a bank. That should help secure my (hidden) assets. Additionally, owning a bank will explain the wealth I make visible and make me less of a target.
4) Hire a security detail. Even if peeps don't know about my trillion, I don't need someone thinking they can kidnap or rob the billionaire in town.
5) Purchase a modest house in my hometown for recharging (see #9).
6) Purchase an island, because I've always wanted to do so.
7) Build a private home and a luxury resort on said island.
8) Quit job
9) Proceed to spend the rest of my life traveling the world in the lap of luxury.
Buy a really nice apartment in London and have the hallways changed to incorporate trampolines. Trampoline walls, trampoline ceilings, trampoline floors...
And also have a slinky room.
moco94 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Purchase every available share of Disney stock.
Watch the price rise, and see everyone cash in on it.
Sell my shares, with an order to purchase every available share at a ridiculous low amount.
Own all public shares of Disney.
Make a generous offer for all privately owned shares.
Own all shares of Disney.
Live in the parks.
Sleep in room above Pirates in Anaheim.
vrtigo1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire a bunch of really smart people and create a company that essentially does what Google Fiber does, but for my local community. Put all of the gigantic ISPs and cable companies out of business in my area, because they all suck. I'd charge fair prices and have good service. I'd also create an arm of the company that makes sure all schools / libraries / charities / etc have the technology they need and another that works with my high schools and colleges to ensure we have the best tech training programs to attract and retain talent in our area. On a personal level, I'd work with the county and city municipalities to think up and fund other programs that would improve the quality of life for our residents (i.e. mass transit improvements, community programs, end homelessness/hunger, etc).
I figure that would probably take 5-10 years, after that I'd go on vacation.
Phylar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Begin supporting the ACLU, meet up with Elon Musk and Bill Gates, pay Warren Buffet 1mil and the promise of 10% personal return on any investments that gain, pay off my student loan, my friend's debts, buy a better car, hold monthly drawings here on Reddit, and hire an entire lawyer firm to draw up documents and protections for the money to prevent unlawful seizure of assets and reduce the capability of others to successfully sue.
ptanaka ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job, pay off all debts, buy my family new homes and vehicles, buy the family farm and protect it for life as well. Enroll my nephews and son in private schools and then invest the rest while I spend life traveling the world and playing world of warcraft and fishing.
Tacdeho ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Realistically?
I'd buy a house for me, for everyone in my family, and for my best friends.
I'd literally buy my SO's house and give it to her shitty roommate and be like "Fuck off." Maybe upper decker his crapper cause fuck you, I'm rich.
Then I'd buy a Motorhome and tickets to literally every festival and show I want to see. VIP, all that shit. All expenses paid. I'd basically live at musical festivals. I'd just have to not go full Wook.
I would also buy up like 500 full blown passes to festivals and hand them out to people at shows.
"Hey man, wanna go to Summer Camp? Here's four passes and $1000 to get you there. Lock'n looks cool right? Take the family!"
Then I'd start a charity. Like a real one. I'd stop the amount of starving kids in the US. I'd sponsor people who's lives had gone for a bad turn.
If I can be altruistic with $100 in my bank account, I can do it with 1T.
After that? I dunno. I'd probably just do a bunch of cocaine.
Jaereth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy the company I currently work at and fire anyone who's ever looked at me funny.
Probably start digging. Because even in 100 dollar bills thats still 10 billion notes.
iamxaq ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably go to work and act like I'm still poor-ish. Put the money into an investment. Tell nobody. Splurge on a computer, pay loans, and help my wife's parents pay off the farm with the interest.
Put in my 2 weeks notice, give everyone in the office 10k. Hire an attorney and a financial advisor. Buy my dad a new car and give every single family member a million dollars and friends 100k each. Sell our house and donate the money to charity. Buy a few neighborhoods and give the houses to family members (family is a large part of our culture and being close to each other is important for us).
Start a scholarship fund for lower income students in the Midwest and start rebuilding and focusing on mentorship and youth focus groups in impoverished areas in the US. I'd invest a few billion and then probably just go back to school to keep studying and learning forever without the stress of keeping up grades or looking for a job.
1 Trillion?, Call the bank, email the bank, make sure I have written confirmation from the bank that this is my money. Contact a lawyer, make sure I have every legal piece of paper and confirmation I need that this is my money.
Hire a team of Financial advisers, divide my money into portions, invest in the safest stocks and bonds, then some for better returns.
Then hire several high class assistants, best of the best, then hire a security detail. Then hire a back-end team of people to make my requests into actions.
Then just do what I want, I want to fly somewhere, I tell my assistant she relays it to the team, bam done. I want to give 100 million to some charity, assistant, team, plan, done.
I would buy a sweet home and marry my girlfriend. We would probably still work for a year (finishing our radiology residency) and then pack up our things and start a trip around the world, there's nothing I would love more than to go to every corner.
Ramp a remote controlled Lamborghini laced with triggered explosives, off a giant custom ramp, over a lake, and explode it at the height of its trajectory.
Panic, call my bank and ask why I was so suddenly rich af.
If I woke up with that much cash in my house, I'd call the po-po.
If I went thru all that and the funds were legit, hello new truck, hello long term investments, goodbye bills. Also, goodbye to my parents mortgage, my inlaws mortgage, and i would send random boxes of fecal matter to my sister-in-law anonymously (via a prank mail vendor, of course). Also, hello Loot Crate for life.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go into work, grab my stuff, and send my boss an email saying that I quit. Not that I hate my job or even dislike it. I'd rather not do it, if I don't have to.
Dr250TM ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go out and buy my friends and family awesome stuff! Also tomorrow will be my 18th birthday so waking up to 1 trillion pounds would be quite the 18th birthday surprise :o
-Start trying to buy up large amounts of land to preserve wildlife, hopefully.
-Try to make my own national or even global news organization that's unbiased and isn't affected by politics or anything else. Since I'm a trillionaire, profits and outside influence wouldn't affect me.
-Make sure my family can live a comfortable life.
-I wonder if I could lobby the U.S. government enough to stop lobbying. I'm still young enough, so with enough time, I could eventually get enough officials elected to do it.
-Oh yeah, I'll finally be able to try Wagyu Kobe Beef. A whole new level of food has been opened to me.
pixl8er ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:14:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Screw quitting my job, I'm going to keep being a barista, take some bar tending classes and work those jobs for fun. Also going to buy a house. Pay off parents debt. And transition the rest of the way sooner. Then I'm going to work on building my car more and doing what I want all while living life like I am now. Might invest a bit though.
Buy myself a good year worth of mountain dew and doritos and maybe a gaming pc
Give the rest to either Alzheimer's research or Cancer research
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:14:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy a bunch of land in the Pacific Northwest by a mountain and create my own town and build a high class residential development and allow all my friends to move to my city.
Also would invest in futuristic companies and clean energy
Maybe create my own university. It'd be like TrumpU but way more terrific
Yulfy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:14:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drag my entire family out for a nice meal that evening was the first thing that came to mind.
I checked my account balance this morning when I woke up and there was an extra $400 in my account by mistake. I immediately called and had it fixed. So... Probably get that checked out lol.
After making sure the bank has cleared it, drop 10% of 1T into a saving account. Just straight off the bat, no touching that money for any reason.
Give another 10% to my church, and let them decide what to do with it, provided it is only used for church functions/equipment.
The other 80% is all mine, more than likely used for building a dream house, new truck, more video games.
Best part is? I'll still go to work/my job, because I like doing what I do.
87westy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:14:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would fly into Minneapolis/St. Paul Minnesota and buy a cheap boat. Nothing fancy but ran and didn't smell like a urinal and had a kitchen and a place to sleep. Then, I would drive that boat to New Orleans taking a month or so. After that, I would hike the AT south to north.
have a mansion built for me, the best possible gaming setup I can think of with 4 monitors, lawyers, bodyguards, a sweet car, and never have to work a day in my life
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:15:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest in VR tech, build the OASIS.
For those who are not enlightened, read Ready Player One, by Ernest Cline. The greatest book ever written.
Deefore ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:15:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd use maybe 1bn to setup a fund to help pay for education/medical costs with applications considered from all US citizens who can provide categoric proof of their opposition to Trump. Something to soften the blow for cousins across the water from living with that as their leader for the next 4 years .
Get a lawyer and make sure it's real. Then pay off the student loan debt my husband and I have. Get better cars. Buy a decent house with a damn yard. Adopt every dog within 500 miles. Set up a retirement fund for my in-laws and for us. Donate a buttload to charity.
Pay off my parents' mortgage and buy them a new house, then buy myself half of Tennessee and live in the Appalachian mountains playing one of my thirty thousand guitars for the rest of my days.
juicius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:15:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed. Fuck it. I'm rich.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:15:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would find and say to a guy with at least 10 bulls, "lets make a deal. I will give you [x-amount] of money and you deliver only one bull to these 10 people. Do not be see delivering these 10 bulls."
one trillion cans of arizona iced tea (not including tax). then i recycle all those cans- in michigan so i get ten cents instead of five- and use the money to buy more arizona. rinse and repeat. it's genius.
Honestly I don't know.
If a bank has it they're gonna be broke very quickly so I'd start my own bank just for myself, no interest obviously.
Once that matter is settled, I'd probably give 1 million to each person in my family.
Buy a private jet and start getting lessons on how to fly in the meantime having someone fly for me,
Would go see my Internet friends earlier than expected.
Buy a mansion, get a maid and butler.
Get every video game I want, buy out Comcast and AT&T and improve their infrastructure and get high speed internet all over the states.
If it wasn't a bank error? I would build my forge, fix up my house, pay off all the bills, upgrade my PC to handle AAA games, Travel for a while, and then invest the rest of it.
Before anyone asks "what about family" my mom can suck a lemon.. it is her fault I am 50K in debt and can't do any of these things now.
beebstx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldn't change anything but after I got out of class I'd go pay off my car loan. After I graduated go to any grad school I'd want then kinda coast as a professor with some really cool loot
If I woke up with a trillion dollars I'd pack all my things
Go pick up my daughter
Buy a house
Put a good chunk of it into a an account for her
And take her to see the world.
Just kinda give her everything this life has to offer.
I'd also pay off my grandmas house.
And I think id go to target a little bit more
I could use a new shirt.
Pay off my countries debt, bribe enough people in my country that recreational marijuana becomes legal, buy lots of weed and be high as fuck. Not necessarily in that order.
My usual lottery plan - Split evenly between my siblings, parents and myself, and those 7 accounts are then turned into a "lifetime account" and an "allowance account". Allowance account is 1-4% annual withdrawal of the lifetime account.
Donate to Planned Parenthood, start an atheist scholarship, donate to FFRF, start a women in STEM scholarship, fund no kill shelters, set up an appointment for experimental ketamine injections for depression, set aside a college fund for my niece and nephews, create a series of billboards throughout Florida next to the anti-abortion billboards with false claims, create a super PAC for Elizabeth Warren for President of the US...oh so many things
I'd save about 100 million for me, my family and future. The rest would go into a humanitarian cost headed by me. I want the world to have an actual difference. Not the cover of making a difference.
Invest wisely. Use the approx 30-50Billion annual earnings to fund
- stem cell research for every possible disease
- micro-satellite global free Internet access
- an alternate space based free Internet
- non IEEE protocol research and implementation
- sub-AI super-efficient spam prevention
- total e-privacy/anonymity
- quantum computing based access device design and manufacture
- acquisition/partnership with amenable Sub-Saharan, South-east Asian other regionally disparate small nations for massive scale infrastructure investment to support the siting of manufacturing facilities.
- free education up to PhD in these nations
- free healthcare too
- nanotechnology for medicine and environmental cleanup
- ocean life restocking
- funding for responsible free press and media distributed through the above infrastructure
- deep sea mineral recovery from 'dead zones'
- graphene, buckyball, carbon fibre, nanotube manufacturing from oceanically recovered carbon
- wormhole tech
After that, I'd buy the best computer parts on the market and make everyone on r/pcmasterrace look like peasants. I'd have one monster rig for gaming, and another with all the best parts for graphic design, for like photoshop and stuff. Maybe a pc or laptop for making music. I really wanna learn how to produce music.
Get really good internet. Get a better phone than what I have. Spend some on myself, just on other fun stuff like vacations.
Put some away, and donate the rest to people who need it. I wouldn't give it to charity, because I can't really trust any. I would just walk down low income areas and find people who need it, but obviously I wouldn't just give it to them. I would make it so they could only use the money on improving their own life.
I'd have a free money Friday event take place in some of the most impoverished areas of the world, where I'll try to give away as much money as possible
j4242 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd quit my depressing retail job and get legal advice but also pay off all of my parents' debt, mortgage, and my sister's medical bills.
I'd save it and still budget but I'd probably also buy my dad an expensive guitar he's been wanting.
Start offering a million dollars for anyone who can provide proof for one of Trump's bogus tweet claims like the wiretapping or the busloads of voters driven to NH.
Buy a bigass plot of land, build a big ass parking lot/runway/helipad on it. Build a big ass garage that i can live in. Spend the rest of my days doing drift car shit with my drift car friends.
First quit my day job (for now). Buy a car finally. Donate to my acting group, probably start a fund or something to help small theatres. Send my family to Costa Rica with a home.
Get myself a small place in a big film city. Start auditioning.
Cu5FeS4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:18:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off the debt of everyone I care about. Just get everyone back to a zero balance...what they do after that is up to them.
Make the most impenetrable vault on earth, make the billions I have left into gold, put it in the safe and come for a gold brick when the money isn't long enough.
Warsum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:18:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start my own ISP like Google fiber because fuck these money grabbing whores. Once infrastructure is laid charge like 5-10 dollars a month for it.
Also tell my dad to quit his job and both my parents to go get whatever they want.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:18:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would quit my job and buy a normal house and a decent car then take bathes in my piles of money which would ultimately lead to me getting skin aids from all that filthy money. I would then use a few billion to research a cure for skin aids and then sell my cure for another trillion.
I'd probably begin my quest to become the president of the world. I'd be a benevolent dictator, don't worry guys. I will be going through my reddit comments to see whoever flamed me though, you guys worry.
Buy NASA, Buy Elon Musk. Combine them. Make Mass Relays. Discover Alien Species. Discover evil tentacle bots. Defeat evil tentacle bots. Not die at the end.
Help Kim Jong-whatever buy some actual nukes so he can stop being full of shit. Then watch the major world powers respond to having the fear of God put back into them.
I would take my mornint dump because there is nothing you can do with one trillion dollars that takes priority over that
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wipe out student debt, invest 500 billion in universal healthcare, and use the rest to resolve other impending social crises. I would keep 1 million to invest and 1 million for myself and immediate family.
I would finance a huge operation to embarrass political scumbags. Trump would get drive-by hair-dyings like the pieings of old. I'd have parades of gay Trump impersonators following him all the time. I'd build a bat-signal to project Trump steaks into the NYC sky right next to his tower. I'd buy Twitter and have them randomly change his avatars to gaff faces, and occasionally auto-translate his tweets into Russian. Every billboard in a given city would be his face photoshopped onto a hilarious meme. I would start Mama Trump's Affordable Healthkare, the mascot being him in a maid's outfit, and give people discounted coverage for each item that Republicare tries to take out. I don't even hate him that much, but I can't think a funnier person to do it to.
Invest a chunk of it into local research institutions. Sponsor local education and manufacturing. Improve local infrastructure. Encourage environmental best practice and and start awarding quite reasonable grants to the most imaginative students I could attract.
Buy a house, pay off my college tuition, buy a bottle of scotch from every distillery in Scotland, and then put it all in a bank so I get interest from it.
Buy a same day flight to Germany, surprise my girlfriend at her work, touch the butt. Fly her to Paris, same day, get some fancy french food and spend the weekend with her.
Fly back home for Uni classes on monday. Finish Uni because I am about 7 week away from graduating while flying to Germany every weekend. Then graduate and move to Germany to be with her and donate something like 100 billion of it to assorted charities and 100 million to my dad and brother.
Uhm. I'd probably put it in a bank account, use it to get through college then take half of what's left at the end of that into a saving account so it makes muns.
am74 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:20:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've always thought what would my waiter's face look like when tipped $1 mill, guess I'll never know.
Invest 90% , with remaining buy house for me, parents and my aunt, a new Subaru for them too, a new car for a friend who doesn't have one. Give litter to my company budget for food so team is not limited to 10 dollars.
With remaining , pay my car loan off. With remaining , invest 50% in angel investing.
Start doing the math on how much I have to destroy in order to maximize the value of each dollar before inflation starts taking into account of the appearance of magical money.
Vikkly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
make Brazil autonomous.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Most likely I would love to remove all the student loan debt for students past and present. I'm going through that right now and no one needs to suffer through that.
c0rb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy all alarm clocks in the world and turn them into snooze buttons then watch people panic as they get late to everywhere while you just sit back and relax 'cause you got (little less than) a trillion fuckin' dollars.
Guns, NFA guns, houses/property, trucks, race cars and I know some of you think Trump tower look super tacky with gold windows just wait....... platinum windows with a gold trim.
Go back to sleep I suppose. I normally wake up tired and not normally believing what I see when I open my eyes.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First: Call out sick from work.
Second: Arrange to have $100K in pennies hand delivered to the home address of the head of Fedloan Servicing
Third: Make a large donation to the Brain & Behavior Research Foundation
Fourth: Fund the creation of an Invisibility Cloak
Fifth: Disappear
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Find out the source of the funds: if it's in error they will most probably find the error easily so I'd just notify the bank of an error. If it's legit there are a few actions:
Step 1: go to the London tesla dealership by train (as it will be my last train ride) and argue with them until i can buy the display model so I can drive away.
Step 1.5: place an order for another tesla for a close friend.
Step 2: look on my phone where the first property with a multi car garage is and drive to the estate agent to seal the deal and pay for it.
Step 3: by this time work would have called me to ask where the fuck I am. Tell them I quit and follow up with an official email of resignation and also offering to pay for my 2 months of notice
Step 4: drive to the wife's office and pick her up in the tesla, explain everything while driving to the old house to get some of our invaluable stuff (harddrives with photos, birth certificates, that sandwich I left in the fridge because it was so good)
Step 5: call the friend I bought the tesla for to tell him, and ask him to kindly put me in touch with his accountant brother to figure out how best to invest the money)
Step 6: order pc parts for a new super computer to the new house address
Step 7: drive to the new house and start making random free video games for everyone to enjoy.
From there, live off of dividends, set up a game development studio and travel the world every now and again.
Go to my shitty retail job for one more day to see how many people I can tell to go fuck themselves before they kick me out.
Move the hell away from florida.
Buy a piece of property out in the middle of nowhere and have a beautiful (but humble) home built exactly to my liking.
Live out the rest of my days enjoying my hobbies and traveling. With a trillion, I'd also retire my parents and put my little brother through college.
Katasch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1) Hire some security
2) Hire some lawyers
3) Hire some personal assitant that solves all the daily stuff
4) Hire some escort ;) (hey some fun should be included)
5) Fly to some exclusive resort on an exotic island to meditate about how to spend the money
6) Contact Bill Gates - if someone knows how to put their money into good stuff it is him.
Pay off my student loans, buy a house, buy a lot of pretty clothes, buy expensive sex toys, plan a vacation with my boyfriend, buy other fancy expensive things, make a reservation at an expensive restaurant, start a college scholarship, give some money to my dad, buy nice art supplies, buy all of the magic cards I want, and happily live the rest of my life off of the interest while working part time.
Quit my job. Acquire a cannabis farm on the west coast. Purchase all of the latest and greatest tech to make sure my home is self-sustaining. Adopt a ton of dogs. Retire.
I'd fucking build an overpass in my town. It's ridiculous that a goddamn train can tie up the entire downtown for 20 minutes right when everybody is trying to get to work in the morning or back from lunch. And it's not like it's every day, so it's unpredictable. Fucking assholes. And I have no idea why the city won't do anything about it.
Don't get me wrong, with a trillion dollars I'm not living in this shithole anymore, but I'd still build that overpass. I'd build fucking 3 of them. How could they say no?
Then I'd start thinking about better ways to spend it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
INYH ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd quit my job, buy a house, and start talking to my wife about having kids, since financial stability is a large part of my hesitation. I'd find a good lawyer and start looking into projects that I want to do when I'm older. Lots of public sites like a public workspace (with shop tools) and a large wooden playground for adults. I would also get advice from people about how best to help the homeless population in my city (it's absurdly large)
I would then probably do some selfish things like fix up cosmetic things about my body that I don't like.
Pull a Bill Gates and figure out how to put it to good use doing good things for humanity. Give some of the billions to friends and family and some into various investments so that I and my descendants never have to worry about money again. Live whatever kind of life that I want living off of the interest.
auglove ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would pay my debts, learn how to invest it wisely, buy a couple acres of land, commission the house of my dreams. Learn how to drive, get a fuel efficient car, open college funds for the kids.... Call it a small loan.
I'd completely renounce my citzenships, assassinate Kim Jong Un, install myself as dictator of North Korea and use the money to start building a viable infrastructure and repress the rebellion by the people who were so brainwashed they thought he was doing good. Invite high level economists to come advise, and try to turn the repressive hellhole into a functioning, self sustaining economy. Donate rest to company researching cheap ways to filter and clean water
Sleep in then contact whoever the hell controls the Fable Franchise and offer to pay a fucking cool billion for them to make a legitimate sequel or two for the series instead of that kinect bullshit.
Move out of my current home into the nearby city, put away 1bn dollars and give the rest to several charities and give every homeless person in my city a significant lump each.
The 1bn will sustain me for life with room for luxuries like going out with friends or buying a new PC, so I don't need the rest.
Buy every loan held by the Trump Organization and forgive the debt. This would force the Organization to report record levels of 1099c income without their receiving any additional liquid assets, and Trump would actually have to pay taxes for once.
agm66 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two million chicks at the same time.
Qweem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would call bill gates and ask if there's anything I can help his broke ass with.
Denamic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:25:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I buy 4 ply TP and bask in the obscene luxury of it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:25:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would immediately run a campaign for president. I would make America responsible for all major decisions by holding public voting on all major potential moves. Right now we elect a person in a popularity contest, and then once they win they never ask us, the people, for our permission or opinion on anything. This is why bad guy after bad guy keep getting into these seats of power.
So I will publicly launch investigations into every member of congress and such, and if they are found to ever have taken dirty money to pass a law that hurts their people, then they will be fired and we can hold new elections. My point is that we need to give power of government back to the people, instead of putting all our faith in literally one man to do the right thing, which they never do.
With my trillion dollars I won't need sponsors of any kind, and I will run a campaign of transparency, and revealing as much truth as possible To the American public as often as possible. I will pump some of my own money into our education system, to create an informed voting population of the future, who learned in exciting and thought provoking ways during their school years about the systems of their government, how to file their own taxes and be intelligent members of the system; quite like the 1 percent are right now. I will educate the masses on what their mass produced "food" is made of, I will nominate legitimate and respected scientists of diffterent fields to positions where they may flourish (if the American public deems it right), and I will officially separate church and state in a REAL way, meaning we won't interfere but these people ARE going to pay taxes once and for all.
I will put on full blast the corrupt ones, the ego driven evil ones, and the backstabbers. I will speak eloquently and calmly, positively and with Great charisma, to educate and inform our general population. I will look deeply into main issues of our society like immigration, abortion, marijuana, etc, and I will use the votes of the people and baseline common sense to arrive and logical conclusions that hurt as few people as possible.
I will always make the public aware of the treacherous truths of our three letter agencies like CIA and FBI and DEA, and I will expose the traitors and lifers in these systems that work dillegently to oppress all Americans and suppress any truth. I will make sure the main stream news becomes actual news again, by simply passing a law that makes third party advertising that masquerades as official news illegal, removing the incentive of major corporations to pay millions of dollars to push their own agenda on the minds of the masses.
And finally, for right now, I will ensure that America stays free by protecting our rights on the internet, our rights to freedom of speech. No more arresting peaceful protestors. No more imprisoning innocent people for victimless petty marijuana crimses. I will encourage local businesses, and American economic growth, by giving the people the tools necessary to understand how to create a small business. And I will strike at the major banks and the especially corrupt federal reserve with all my power, to ensure without a doubt that these institutions work for us and in our best interests, instead of against us and our upward mobility.
Under my presidency America will have an identity ahain. Every man woman and child may be hopeful of our future and the future of the world. We will, together, restore relationships with our friends across the world, and try to build new peaceful bridges to our enemies, so we may no longer fight. Under my presidency, Americans will be proud to wave their flag ahain, and the rest of the world will look to us again as a beacon of light and a pillar of innovation in this rapidly changing world.
Go to my morning lecture. Live in "student poverty" for another few weeks until I check my bank account. Call my parents and let them know. Then seek legal/financial counsel on what to do with such an absurd sum of money (after taking my friends out for a ridiculously lavish dinner). Probably get a nice place with a short commute to my school, finish out my degree, and keep going to school for other things (not that I'd need to, I just like learning). Travel on breaks. Summer homes in various countries. Probably some charitable efforts. Then build a moon base and slowly descend into supervillainy.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:25:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off the mortgage of every house in a how ever many mile radius that half of that could pay off. Buy out all the businesses in my town and transform my town into a Utopia. I'm a dreamer. I doubt I would have the necessary cooperation to make something like that go down though.
TrofeoZ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:25:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Artificially build an island and become a country
Lazaras ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire an accountant, lawyer, financial adviser, and security team and hope the news wasn't out before they showed up. Hire a second of all those to audit the first. Hole up in the most expensive hotel in town, figuring they deal with plenty of celebs and wealthy business people so security should be good. Lease a nice, easily secured beach house for the spring, and start figuring out what I want to do with the rest of my life... Lots of travel and fishing for sure, charity work, more hobbies, etc.
Start lubing and stretching exercises in my ass so I'm prepared for the right fucking I'll get from the IRS, FBI, and CIA for suddenly becoming the world's first trillionaire. I'd also go about procuring a catering service, since I'd hate for any of those agents to run a calorie deficit whilst interrogating me and do something brash. Probably also hire some blackwater-esque security detail since I'm now a very enticing hostage. And, of course, put some trustworthy law firm on retainer to handle what will most likely be a mountain of paperwork. Also look into getting an accounting firm to help me avoid all those pesky taxes. I'll see if Donny has any recommendations.
After the initial wave is done, and the IRS taxes me to death, I'll take the rest and probably start investing it in politics. I've always wanted to effect positive change, but I'm limited in my capacity as a mundane individual. I'd like to get money out of politics and give the voice back to the people. I'd work to undo gerrymandering. I'd make sure we're collecting our fair share from the able, and providing the means to self-sufficiency to those lacking.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Remind my kids that nothing has changed: I pay for their college and leave everything to various charities in my will.
I ain't raisin' no trust fund babies!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call up my friends and tell em we buyin a mansion.
Then we all quit our jobs and travel the world. Probably start angel investing.
I'd probably put away a fraction to live on then set about making life unfathomably uncomfortable for those with extreme karmic debt, starting with a good many politicians who've currently forgotten why they exist.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Become president of the United States which will make me the richest and most powerful man on earth.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:27:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd run fiber lines all over the whole country (USA) and buy anything I need to, to gain access to existing fiber lines, and buy out small cable/isp companies.
I'd bring Google on board to rapidly expand google fiber and get a Google Fiber (or mine) available to every physical address in the United States.
I'd turn it on, and charge everyone 25 cents per Megabit of bandwidth (400 mbit for $100 a month) with symmetrical uploads and you can run servers in your home and have dedicated ip addresses.
Then we'd pop up cell towers on our fiber all over the country until we have 100% US coverage, and I'd bottom out the price on it, $20 a month cell phone plan, unlimited talk/text/data (5G). I'd give Google exclusive access to them for Project FI, wouldn't even bother selling my own cell phone plans or phones.
The end goal: Topple the Monolithic reign of ISPs in America and their crappy service and be a country with one of the best internets in the world again.
I would start a nationwide program of merit based bonuses for public education workers to substantially supplement the income of the best and brightest teachers. This would potentially attract people that are tempted to work in industry rather than teach because of the money. I could dump just half of the money into that and have enough, not counting compounding interest, to pay every teacher in america $10000 more a year on average for the next 12 years. Maybe I could offer free or substantially reduced housing to highly qualified teacher to teach in troubled areas. I'd obviously have to do a bunch of work to maximize the benefit but basically try very hard to massively invest and control aspects of public education seems to me, the best hope for a better future.
Buy cocaine, hookers and a private island. Make a will that says the winner of a giant battle royal to the death on my island gets my money. Invite everyone to my island for a party, die of cocaine overdose now my island is a giant bloodbath.
I'd try to get robbed, just to turn on the robber and say I can turn their life around. get them to school, buy them nice clothes, etc. I'd build a high rise appartment building, and then make it the world's best homeless center, where you get a free appartment, but must register and accept supervision and on the spot professional help. that would cost at most 10 billion dollars to help all the homeless. I would then offer donald trump to erase his debts if he leaves the US and comes to canada to be my personal jester (say what you want, I've been laughing ever since he got in office) and then offer to buy out anyone who goes to jail for making him do it. I'd buy out every coal mine and turn them in solar farms, and make researches on how to throw us in a polar age of eternal winter, with summer temperature reaching +15 C in the heart in canada and +25 C in the south (for if I ever want to go on vacation)
Build a giant golden castle on a giant palladium plated yacht swimming on a pool in a giant titanium plane flying in a enormous stanford-torus in orbit around Jupiter.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:28:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing too crazy. You know, house,car,boat, the usual stuff.
Oh, and then I'd set up a shell company, buy a different company I don't like, run that business into the ground, then reverse-merge into the other one, and repurpose the whole thing to build a real-life Transformer.
I'd probably suffocate because I don't think a trillion dollars could fit in my house. And if I survived somehow, I would buy a brand new car and drive to Colorado and buy up as many dispensaries as possible and smoke up the entire state for a few months for a couple bucks an ounce. With my new accredited fame, I would hopefully become the most well known cannabis industry entrepreneur and use that standing to fully support legalization so people with mental disorders (like myself) could finally get medicine without the overwhelming paranoia of being busted. And then for the rest of my days, I'd try and find some purpose without fear of needing to earn money, and go across the world talking to as many people as possible, trying to help them find out what their passion is.
whatever I wanted.. but I'd probably start by destroying soros.
yy4yew ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:29:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd go to Wal-Mart and buy a baseball bat and a motorcycle helmet. Then drive to the closest Dollar Store. I'd walk strait to the register, slap 100k cash on the counter, then look at the cashier and say "GET OUT!". Then proceed to smash everything in the store just for fun.
Buy gold and a couple of big duffel bags. Just in case. Then I'd have a lot of fun. And help a lot of people. Everyone I know would basically get $10,000 outright.
iseir ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:29:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
pay off all my loans and find a house with very little monthly expenses to live in. then rent a small office space and attempt to make a fulltime job out of making Roleplaying games.
that or get a job as a janitor to have on the side.
I would pay off all of my debt and then pay to have my grandma's house fully restored. Then I would commission a castle in the mountains to be built for me with a couple million dollar price tag. The final thing I would do that day would be to go on gofundme or kickstarter and donate to causes I think are deserving. People need hope in their lives.
I'd get a money manger ( not sure if that's the real name)
I'd pay my parents out of debt .
Get my grandparents five nurses , not because I'm nice but because my mom loves them (they're kind of shitty people .)
I'd buy all my poor friends the things they deserve , like depression medication and fallout games .
then me and my brother would travel the world on foot and we'd play bass and guitar . Then when we'd get bored we'd just go home .
Then on my non-traveling time I'd go to school.
I'd never do something crazy like buy an island or a amusement park . Hell I wouldn't even own a mansion. I'd just live and love my life with a heart no longer filled with dissatisfaction and dismay.
Go on a real long vacation, pay of all debt of immediate family members and myself, buy everyone a house and a new car. Donate to my favorite charities and sent some kids to college.
With the rest I would just live comfortably. Travel the world until I am tired of it.
Fix diabetes then have a sit down with Elon musk to do some real damage.
Realsan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:30:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest literally all of it into researching immortality, but in secret. Only thing I can think of that might be achieved with that kind of money and would be worth far more than that to have.
Go to work for another three months. If nothing has happened with it by then, I feel like it's safe to use it.
chipaca ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:30:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was taught a trillion was a billion billions, and a billion was a million millions. So I'd have more money than a lot of people here are imagining.
I'd probably make myself a really nice cheese toastie, for starters.
blewws ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:30:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always thought if I was rich I would use the money to supplement the income of people I think would be more useful to mankind doing their own thing. I work with a guy at some shitty minimum wage rental place and he grows and studies fungi and carnivorous plants. He's always talking about it and he's extremely smart. I truly believe he would make an impact on the botanical/mycological world if he could spend all his time working on that.
Personally I would want to see what type of difference I could make in some of the impoverished countries. I would put aside lets say 100M for myself and the other 900M would go towards providing sustainable infrastructure to people who live without running water or housing.
KJ6BWB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:31:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed. It's just a dream.
Ok, here's what I'd really do. Form a Nevada corporation (they're the only ones who can have secret stockholders) with a good lawyer, financial analyst, and CPA, all set up to receive good bonuses for keeping everything running smoothly. Then I'd hire on a few more lawyers, analysts, and CPA's, all responsible to double check each other. All checks have to be signed by two parties, or at least reviewed and signed off on by two parties, etc.
I'd keep three million for me because that would be plenty for me to ensure a great retirement at a decent enough lifestyle.
Then I'd attempt to give away the rest of the trillion while continuing to live my life and work, etc. The hard part would be deciding where to give that all away to. How do you spend something like that without destroying economies and helping to ensure that actual good use is being made of the money? I mean, sure, we could go build a $20,000 house for all 9 million people in Mexico City and still have plenty of money left over for other things, but now we've put a fair number of construction people out of work and started a massive inflationary housing bubble.
If I can make an analogy, when you're a giant, it seems like it would be really hard to avoid leaving small craters in the road as you walk around -- the roads weren't designed with giants in mind.
Maybe I'd have to spend the rest of my life managing this money, which could be a wonderful adventure but I'm not sure that I'd actually be ready for something like that. Whatever happened, though, life as I know it would never be the same again.
Of course I'd want to help my parents/siblings pay off a house, but then what? Who is my neighbor, who should I spend my time helping? When "my neighbor" could conceivably be "everyone in the world" then we start entering the paradox of choice, where you're paralyzed and can't choose precisely because there are too many possible choices.
I suppose I'd start looking for good groups who are already being wise stewards with their money, and start funneling some more money to them. LDS Charities, the Salvation Army, some Freemason Grand Lodges (depending on what their officer salaries are). Probably not the American Red Cross.
So, why a Nevada corporation with secret stockholders? Well, there are a lot of people in terrible positions. If you don't keep it secret that you have that kind of money, you will spend all your time with people contacting you with horror stories. "My children all happen to have cancer and they're going to die unless I can get $180,000 to pay for their medical treatment over the next two years." "My husband was abusive, stole my ID, thrashed my credit, now me and my kids are going to have to live on the street unless we can get $50k to pay back property tax, $40k to pay off all the credit cards he took out in my name, and $15k to pay off the liens on my future income that some creditors took out on me."
How do you not respond to things like that unless you harden your heart to the point where you're just not as nice of a person anymore? And how do you know they're telling the truth? You would spend all your time researching and trying to figure out who's lying, if they're lying. Does the first person's children actually have cancer, and are there actually kids? Did the second person have their identity stolen or were they foolish with their money? Nobody has time to respond to everything like that. I remember one guy in Georgia I think, who won the lottery twice and now he gets stopped by police and hassled all the time after he said that he didn't want to donate any money to the city that he lives in, which is apparently going bankrupt and may not be able to pay its police salaries anymore. People have legitimate concerns and you can't help everyone. Even a trillion dollars isn't close to enough to solve everyone's problems in the entire world.
Only people who can keep their mouth shut and who are going to be helping manage/spend stuff wisely need to be brought into the picture. I'd probably start a series of companies owned by the "parent" company, so that anyone working for one of the "child" companies would think that I was a rich philanthropist, but not a trillion dollars rich -- that kind of money is probably more of a curse than a blessing.
I know this is all fiction, conjecture, speculation, but I probably wouldn't be able to handle more than about 100 million at this point in my life and even then I'd be fighting hard to try to make sure that I was being a good enough steward over my new wealth that I wouldn't feel bad about it later -- it would be a real life changer. I don't think I could handle a trillion dollars at this point in my life. Maybe never.
Build a house in a remote area that has internet (high speed satellite will do). House would range from 300k to 1 million depending on if I'm living in Vancouver or not.
About 4 to 10 acres.
A 2017 Honda Civic and a 2017 F150
A nice quad so I can go out on the trails.
An in ground pool and a nice deck.
A nice garden
Keep two million to myself and give the same sort of life to all my friends and family.
Donate 50k at a time to various people who I felt just needed a shot so they could get out of the "I'm stuck here" mentality.
Donate to charities that I see as worth of donations.
Donate some to the Bill and Linda Gates foundation so we all don't die of some crazy desease.
Donate to Elon Musk so we can have self driving cars that will take us to the moon powered on the energizer bunny.
Live a quite life with a house, a wife, dog and kid.
Use the rest of my life to go to various prestigous universities and just learn crazy things, math, physics, philosophy, etc. Help humanity with what I learned.
Work out a bunch and use a lot of the latest supplements and longevity techniques to buy me more time and turn myself into a super human capable of morphing into an automobile.
Try to make the dreams of the poor to mid-level people come true.
Buy the company i work at, fire the people who treat me poorly, sell company to someone else.
rahomka ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:31:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably set my work email's out of office to respond with "eat a dick" in case anyone starts wondering where I am later in the day.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:31:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give to Donate Life
Give to science-based education foundations
Give to my heart transplant hospital
Setup foundation for families with medical debt/bills
Seek out the best medicine/vaccine/food relief organizations and give
Support secular and skeptical organizations
Give to cancer, Crohn's, ALS and a few more research organizations
Begin a non profit national foundation that pays for school lunches for all students K -12. Remove the entire school lunch program from government funding, but retain the standards
Develop a team of 4 of my closest and smartest friends to seek out the best use of charitable donations and begin an annual donation to the best
I would stock up on enough of my preferred drug of choice to last me the rest of my life, go on a monumental bender and travel for a month or 2. Check into rehab when I get back and get clean, buy a house for my girlfriend and I, pay for the rest of her schooling, buy her everything she would need to start an animation studio of her own and start a restaurant for myself. Save most of it in assorted place and start investing, find a lawyer etc., live the good life for a while before I inevitablg fall back into the drugs, have a will to give money to certain people in case I die, inevitably die a few years later estranged from the ones i cared most about. Be found dead in a palace with scantily clad women everywhere, tons of drugs, booze, assorted questionable items, and my will would be enacted. I would use that money to help jumpstart addiction, cancer, and a few other good causes research and be remembered as a decent guy with a problem that hopefully helped changed lives after his death.
jutct ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:32:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start a massive plan to bankrupt Trump and get him thrown in jail.
I buying a Rolls Royce. But not a new Rolls Royce, no. I'm talking one of those shitty body mid-80's Rolls Royces that you can find on Craigslist for $8,000.
With that much money, I'd buy my way into government control through various channels.
Want to destroy ISP and telecomm "not monopolies"? Buy a telecom and lobby that shit into the ground. Lobby to have internet reclassified as a utility. Regulatory capture the whole fucking industry. Create grants that incentivize townships to set up their own gigabit internet service.
Schools don't adequately prepare people for the real world? Grants and lawyers and buying politicians. Set up a comprehensive program, not just a funnel into college and student loan debt. It would encourage and educate on the trades and other practical skilled work that doesn't require a degree, in addition to providing resources for those predisposed to higher education.
And that's just for starters. I'd also make a point of doing all this under an alias or a pseudonym, and have a system in place to keep my identity a secret. Enemies aside, I just don't want that kind of attention. At least, not directly. I'd still enjoy hearing about the latest shenanigans attributed to my pseudonym.
Randomly select 2 people on the street. Tell them I have $20,000 to give away. They can either choose to "take" or "give" $10,000. If both choose "take," neither get any money. If both choose "give," both get $10,000. If one chooses "take" and the other chooses "give," the one that chose "take" gets $20,000 and the other gets nothing. Each person secretly writes their answer down on paper and hands it to me. Observe. Repeat.
I'm surprised I haven't seen this in the top comments -- but, I'd hire a team of House-level doctors to put me through a battery of tests to make sure I don't have any ticking time bombs.
Declare sovereignty. Reinforce goodwill through brides and donations to numerous UN members to get formally recognized.
Create offshore financial services that are tax exempt and outside of regulator/reporting agencies, turn $1 trillion into several trillion via service fees over time.
Invest in renewalable energy technologies, ensuring that I maintain IP for anything invented. Then license technologies back to the rest of the world based on per capita rates.
I'd pay off Canada's Credit debt which is around 585 Billion dollars, then I'd happily accept being added to the Order of Canada, and launch a bid to be one of the Last Forever Senators in Canada's history.
Step 1: Buy mid-sized island in the Caribbean.
Step 2: Hire engineering team to develop personal gigabit internet satellite
Step 3: Beam that shit down Scotty
Step 4: Hire evil scientist team on a scale not seen since the Manhattan Project
Step 5: Laser Sharks
Step 6: ???
Step 7: Global Domination
I would use my money to fund my own political movement, unite the human species, and then take us to the stars.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think I would also form a game studio, and we'd build an old school MMO like the EQ1 days, well I wouldn't, but I'd pay people billions to join me and work on it.
sleep in, buy an average 1 story 3-4 bedroom house. Dump or sell most of my stuff and get nice stuff. Pay off my car, maybe trade it in for a newer one 2017 honda civic or something. Then I'd do what I do every weekend. I'd play video games, drink some beer, eat pizza and that's about it. I might put all of that off by a week though because my switch came late (just got it yesterday 3/8) so I'd just play zelda all week then do that stuff.
Pay off everyone's student debt in the USA and watch the economy take off. I would make a deal with the government to pay me out $1B in return for paying off the debt. Definitely don't need the whole $1T.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
pay off my student loans as much as i could and then see if I couldn't refinance my house to a lower interest rate to make ends meet.
Probably first figure out how to invest in Bitcoin without hurting the market (I have no idea what's the size of the market; wouldn't wanna risk causing an unsustainable rise in price, I know it would survive the resulting crash, and might even stabilize at a higher price than before, but it would be bad for morale to have the price go down like that; maybe that's not enough money to have such an effect, but I dunno).
Then after separating a big chunk of the money for investment, I would start spending on small things I've been wanting for a while, better computer, new computer chair, a Vive, some drone related stuff, a easily rootable phone with tons of internal memory, sensors etc. And perhaps look for a plot in the neighborhood to build my house on. Mostly small quality of life stuff and some not too expensive toys; and leave the rest of the money just sitting making more money while I figure out how to best make use of it.
Oh, and I would separate some of the money to compensate my folks for supporting me all these years.
Well first of all the US government will have a field day with it. While it won't really impact the national debt (from taxes) or anything like that I'm sure I'll have to face a ton of questions from a whole alphabet soup of organizations. Most likely it'll be held up/frozen for some period of time if not directly confiscated under civil forfeiture. Lets pretend I get through all that without going to jail and am left with 400 Billion (assuming tax rate of 60%). Now that's a ridiculous amount of cash-on-hand to have. Most people with large 'net worth' don't usually have anything close to that kind of dough to just throw around at any given time. I would have more in cash than all but 27 nations GDP for a whole year. If I was an evil/ignorant man I could crash just about any economy on the planet just by throwing my money around willy nilly. In all honesty though I'm more of a futurist type so I'd probably spent most of that money trying to get humanity off this rock and start spreading across the solar system. Right now we as a species are WAY too vulnerable sitting on one hunk of rock flying through the cosmos.
Go talk to SpaceX/ULA/Bigelow (and skylon) and give them however much money they need to actually share data and work together to make humanity interplanetary asap. Buy amazing house in Florida/California looking out at the launch sites. Hopefully befriend Musk/google guys and then get some great doctors so I can live to see humanity actually spread out throughout the solar system.
Another option would just be to jump start an asteroid mining company and begin plans for a massive orbital shipyard to start building the required items for the above.
Lament the lack of purchasing power my 1 trillion dollars has relative to the guy who had 1 trillion dollars yesterday due to the fact that the money supply magically expanded by 1 trillion dollars over night
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd figure out the best way to lobby against the GOP and current administration.
Also, I would buy a Nintendo Switch. And the hottest VR. And probably some smart glasses -- are those still a thing?
Oh and some bad ass doggy treats for my pup.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:34:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Waste of money. Media and soros are already doing that.
I would pay off all of my student loans, 2. I would pay for my sister's dream school (which is Cornell), 3. I would get my parents out of debt from my schooling, 4. I would set myself up with a good life insurance policy then 5. I would invest the rest in an account.
Dump billions into rocket, fusion, battery tech, and exoplanet/terraforming research.
Call for world-wide screening of the best genetic specimens money can buy.
Lastly: Fund and launch 100+ colony seeding ships across our current galaxy with three or four varied "rule-sets" for ethical and social construction distributed across each. A few geared more towards utilitarian pragmatism. Some based more towards emotion-affirming pragmatism. NONE with any sort of religious bent to them whatsoever. The prevailing ontological construction will be STRICTLY geared towards agnosticism with two elements driving the baseline: a moral compulsion that there is honor in admitting you don't know something and a utilitarian explanation of the position - either one randomly distributed throughout the sets, yet sometimes in tandem with one another.
And then I'd probably buy a whiskey sour and pray humanity finds a foothold to continue on in a better fashion than our current tribal state. Because I don't see us getting off this rock before I die right now. So I'd better fucking make it happen if I have the means.
$1000 is "I fucked somebody for cash" money. $100,000 is "I killed somebody for cash" money. But $1 trillion? Whatever I did, it probably made the papers.
I'd hold on to a small percentage- which is still a whole lot of money, and then I would become an angel investor in a lot of companies and non profits that do good. I believe in the whole "millennial" future, because there are so many companies that want to do good and make money like Toms or so many other that I see on Shark Tank and Kickstarter.
I'm not an entrepreneur, so I'm not going to pretend that I would be of much use besides getting behind good people that want to change the world for the better.
As for selfish purchases, I'd get a nice house, buy an RV, and just travel with my wife.
Exchange it to euro's. :) pay of my mortgage, buy a 911 carrera 2.7 rs for weekends and for daily a triumph tiger and perhaps a ghibli, focus rs or abarth 124.
Also, get a new pc, take a holiday to japan
Do the same thing Elon Musk is doing, except with more everything.
Houses, cars, etc, the standard answers are all pretty damn boring.
Set up trust funds for my close friend's kids so that those kids can have an option later on of taking a lump sum, or working to retirement and then getting a dozen times more than the lump sum.
Also, fund groups that are trying to get a constitutional convention to get money out of politics, or get enough representatives and senators into office that agree that an amendment for free and fair elections is the right choice.
Also, get a big house, and adopt dozens of cats. Hire a cat butler and a cat maid to help me take care of them.
1) figure out how much I need to pay in taxes now and how to keep it low
2) pay off all my student loans
3) pay off all my family member's mortgages and student loans
4) Buy my own house
5) bail my uncle's business out
6) Buy the best computer that can run any PC game
7) Buy a car
8) Take my girlfriend on an amazing date
9) Pay off all my friend's student loans
10) give my poor friend three million dollars so he wouldn't be poor
(serious)
I'm afraid that having whatever I want whenever I want might lead to a depreciation of my overall pleasure. No sense of achievement.
Still, I would secure it all through whatever legal hoops I need to jump through. Then, travel the world for a few years. Then buy a house wherever I feel I'd be the happiest. Then, seriously think about what could have the most important impact on the welfare of the world. A few billions are enough to completely end world hunger, or a few hundred billions could mean solving climate change (possibly with floating solar panels around the earth), or desalinization plants throughout coastal regions, or buying a country and doing every recommendations of the Venus project (an utopia, basically). And I would finance research into Brain-Computer interfaces, to eventually become an A.I..
So, overall, 1 billion for me and the rest of my life (that will cover houses, travels, a good legacy for a potential family, and the methods to sustain life until we can be uploaded in the Matrix.
Get some education on running a non-profit, and start a charity that hosts awesome events to raise money for veterans, homelessness, etc. Also, since I'd be a trillionaire, I'd probably donate a significant portion to worthwhile charities that don't pay their CEO's inflated salaries and barely make a difference in people's lives. With my spare time I'd help people pay off medical debt and go fishing. Also, i'd need a new truck, couple of jet skis, and a decent little fishing boat.
I'd buy a Chinook helicopter. I'd get that sucker street legal and drive it around like a giant RV. I'd also have it modified so the blades could fold up so I could go through the drive thru at McDonalds and not get hung up on everything. Naturally the blades would be able to unfold and I could just take off from wherever I am, like if I'm stuck on the highway and don't feel like dealing with traffic.
Buy a whole shitload of land. Maybe an island or two. Start hiring a small staff of people to handle all my affairs ( personal lawyer / doctor / secretary / ball-washer). Surround myself with as many intelligent attractive women as possible. Then proceed to drink all day everyday until my heart gives out. Also I want some badass speakers.
Buy a huge plot of land in the Appalachians, build one house on it for my mother, one for my dad, one for my brother, one for my parents in law, and a little village of houses for various friends and guests, build a giant fence around the whole thing for miles so my dog could run around as much as she wanted, and live in a big happy family commune forever and ever and ever.
The other 999 billion dollars can burn for all I care but I guess I'd just start sending small fortunes to random deserving people all over the world.
EDIT: I'D ALSO GET 49 MORE DOGS, obviously, that is important.
xipha ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call the police to avoid jail.
Edit: I mean, think about it. Big brother is watching us. If police find out I get 1 trillion dollar out of nowhere from zeroyear, I am sure I will be guilty for something they came up with just to grab the cash. It is 1 trillion dollars. 2016 US Federal budget is 3T.
Build a very expensive apartment complex on campus and put a very large arcade on the bottom floor. The building would have cheap singles toward the bottom, moderately priced doubles in the middle, and expensive apartments at the top for the rich assholes. Also invest into esports. Make a huge ass arena and offer generous cash prizes for the winning team. Offer a million dollar prize and I bet it grows very very fast. I'm pretty sure I could convince my city to allow a random tower and arena if it's paid for and it would boost the economy by a shit ton.
Invest in sciences. I'd give people free education if they were focusing their studies on science. I'd buy tv and commercial time showing off scientists and treating them like rock stars. I would hold awards shows for science. I'd make the Grammies add science based awards for movies. I'd make science so ducking cool rock stars would want to grow up to be scientists. I would fund everything that seemed plausible. If you fudge facts or compromise your work though you are blacklisted. No more fake science. I will make a pro science propaganda team that will feed the populace science without them even knowing. I'll make churches of science. Places where people go to have a weekly community and help people and each other. The humanist church. I would build infrastructure and creat jobs based on the wonders we create. I would end world hunger with vertical farming. I would end the the thirst for power with renewable energy. I would spend all the rest of my time on earth propelling humanity into the future. I would hope to build not an empire, but a world that is ready to move to the next phase of human existence.
Host melee tournaments with insane prize pools for a good number of years. Hopefully that'd be motivation enough for people to start really grinding and break through the "Big 6" mold.
Delsana ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd do my best to spread it around to those in need and combat corporate corruption in politics as best I could.
serch54 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time...
dawisu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Transfer to a better Uni and finish my degree there.
Pay back the money I owe from my semester abroad.
Buy my own apartment in my new Uni City, nothing fancy. Just neat, clean, well lit and with an extra room for my family and friends to stay in.
Buy fucking fresh fruit, veggies and fish and make the healthiest meal I had in months.
Buy this high quality food processor kitchen machine I wanted for years to help with said meal.
Share that meal with my grandma and ask her if she has any wishes that could be fulfilled with money.
Ask my parents if there are any loans or whatever that need to get paid for.
Buy my Bro the parts for his PC he has been saving to custom build.
Invite all my friends to dinner and cocktails to repay all the times they invited my broke ass.
Donate to a womens rights organisation.
Donate to a animal protection organisation.
Visit my friends and family in the U S.
Errrrmm...
Try to figure out a safe strategy for the rest of the money.
Hire group of scientists to find a way to not make me (women in general) bleed so much and be in so much pain when on my period WITHOUT pumping my body with hormones/ damaging it it any way.
Hire someone to look into cool startups/ kickstarters that would make a difference in people's lives and show them to me so I can donate money to a different one each month.
Pay someone to follow people like Alex Jones around and treat him like he treats other people.
Get a personal trainer and find a dojo to figure out the right martial art for me and learn it.
Who am I lying too: To the three existing doggos, get even more doggos (After finishing my degree and moving to a property where they have enough space).
Get a nice quality leather jacket.
Hire someone to look for people who have ideas/scripts for movies/series and show them to me so I can give money to a new show/movie each month to get actually produced so we all get great entertainment because people arw fucking talented.
Keep 1 million, donate the rest to various global problems, like education, water, etc.
The $1m will let me pay for my education, which is $105,000, and I'd simply do what I am still doing now. I'd stash the rest away and try not to use it.
1 trillion is enough to end world hunger and fund science and still have some left over. I'll keep about half a million and give the rest to the world.
I would buy my parents a house and cars give them half of the trillion and give my brothers and sister money to do what they would like with it. I would pay off my student loans and any debt I have and live life normally.
V4ld1z ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
buy nintendo switches for all the people who still didn't get one but want one
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate a large amount to the local Humane Society, buy my mom the house back she raised me in, buy myself a few cars, a house, buy a ride on a rocket to space and invest at least 10 million for if I ever have kids.
The rest would go traveling around the world.
For the investment I believe the compounding interest for that much money after another 30 years would be specifically called a "butt load"
I'd start off by searching for that reddit post about what to do if you win the lottery as the advice seemed pretty sound. After that I'd hire private tutors to help me with college and then I'd try and fund fusion research.
Hide it somewhere. 100 billion goes on an account for interest so I'm set for life. Ask mom if I can move out, rent a small apartment so she doesn't get suspicious but have all the luxuries like the apartment being in another country so she can never see me again.
I'm gonna buy that cat reading the newspaper and I'm going to have people give the cat a new newspaper ever day. What ever the cat is reading that day, I'm going to do.
Buy a piece of land, start my own country, have people to help me make it the best it can be, have scientist research it & propose solutions to problems or publish it's success and hope uncle sam (or russia) doesn't try to overthrow me and take control.
ride365 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy my sister's company and then burn it to the ground.
Start a national chain of coffee houses that sell my custom chocolates as well as use a system I am designing to help millennials bridge the gap between electronic and real world interaction.
Work with Elon Musk to help close the loop and develop electric recreational vehicles (like boats/jet skis/motorcycles). I'd love to enjoy my hobbies guilt-free before I die.
Promote worm farms. If everyone had a worm farm in their home it would reduce solid waste by 50%. Its super not sexy but every little bit matters in our quest to improve our mother earth.
Produce Electronic Dance Music to help promote health and fitness - especially Qi Gong. Everyone needs to take more responsibility in their health and I want to figure out a low-key way to spread the word.
These are my life goals.
I'd have a rainbow of babies with beautiful, brilliant women. Figure at three pregnancies a day, I could have a few thousand kids in a few years.
Kiva8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get the help I need and kick depression in its face!
soufend ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would make a sizable donation to my city's public school district. I'd buy a modest house - not in a rich area but in the neighborhood where my children will be going to school. I'd buy myself a luxury mid-size SUV. I'd gift some money to relatives to help out with health care needs. I'd buy Yeezy's even though I don't really care for them. Then I would go back to sleep. Oh, and then spend a month or two in Japan.
Start my own space agency. colonize the moon. Become Moon Emperor. Demand tribute from earth or i will rain down a fiery hellstorm of meteorites on population centres. GABOS MF. Game Aint Based On Sympathy Mother Fuckers. Continue to build my empire in space.
Immediately hire five different firms to put together a definitive list of people in government or corporate positions of power who have knowingly harmed the population and the environment for personal profit. Any person appearing on all five lists will be assassinated by Sunday. Any person appearing on some of the lists will be warned that their behaviors/choices are being watched, and judged, harshly.
jpstiel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:39:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd set up a Super PAC to influence and fund scientific research in all types of physics and quantum mechanics. We have to figure out how to travel faster than light speed damnit! Also I'd work off of a party yacht in the South Pacific until my intergalactic spaceship is built.
Buy a Vive. Invest in stocks. Finish refurbishing the back of our family's garage into a hangout space. Fund my dad's business incubator.
And then hang on to the rest so I never have to worry about food or shelter again. I'd still complete my business IT degree and look for a job, though, just in case I do lose the money, and just so I have something to do.
Uxoguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Open a little cesars.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
cry, pay back all my debt, hire a financial advisor (maybe even 2!) for help with investing/making sure I don't just blow it all and go from there. maybe hire the advisor before paying back my debt. they can advise me on how to do it best. haha.
now you may be thinking, how could I blow a trillion dollars? well, I really like cocaine.
I'd pay off all my debts and my family's debts, sock away enough to buy a house and put my future kids thru college, and give away the rest. I don't want that much money. It can ruin a person.
Live my life normally. I spend any of that in large quantities too fast and the economy would crash. So I'd live my life normally and for once not have to worry if I have the money for it.
See I wouldn't make anyone aware I was that rich. I'd quit my job obviously and start pursuing stuff that I love. But I think if I had that amount, I'd travel the globe and just kind of leak money where I deemed necessary.
Like a fucking superhero behind the scenes kind of gig.
Start to teach people proper grammar and tell them the the title should be "What would you do if you woke up with 1 trillion dollars tomorrow"
snegtul ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:41:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Purchase the entirety of the republican party and have them all shipped off to sibera and placed in russian concentration camps for the remainder of their shitty, racist, greedy lives.
The rest would go toward the ACLU, SPLC, planned parenthood, and my personal garage of sweet sweet hotrods and motorcycles.
Immediately pay off all my bills, in case it was an accident. Put 1b in the bank, invest 1b, donate 50b to help with the taxes, then fire up my Amazon app and see how much damage I can do in 1 poop session.
Side thought: see how much it would cost to fire Ken Holland and Jeff Blashill.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:41:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, the government would take 1/3 of it, which they would piss away on tax cuts for the rich.
I would take 10 million, and put it into an account. The interest from that would be what I would live on. I would take another 2 million, and spend it on wine, women, and song. The remainder from that, I would waste.
I would put aside 4 million for my kid, so he is set.
I would split the remaining 2/3 trillion in half. One half will be spent on the Earth, the other, on space.
Since I am presuming we are using the old imperial British trillion, not the weak American trillion, the space 1/3 trillion will go to sending humans to colonize all the other planets in the solar system. The only stipulation is that the first colonists must bring a small ampoule of my piss, to smash on the planet's surface (or hurl into the planet, if it is a gas giant). This way, I will have asserted my dominance on the solar system, in the most manly way possible.
The final 1/3 trillion would be spent on whatever batcrap crazy idea that gets tossed my way. Nuclear fusion? Sure! A cure for blindness? Why not?! Cancer? Here's a number, followed by a lot of zeros. Go cure it. You get the idea.
Since it would take quite a while to spend that much money, I would get my schedule 7, and 77, then take whatever remaining funds I have, and use it to mess with the stock market. 22 billion in earwig futures, right before a quarterly earnings report? Public companies would fear the power of my troll...
Oh, and I would buy a carton of ice cream, since I love ice cream.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:41:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In all honesty, for me, that's too much money. I'd leave myself with 100 million. Plenty to pretty much do whatever I want. I'd divide the rest between charities, humanitarian innovations and rest easy drinking mojitos on my private beach in Barbados
Hire ninjas and assassins to have failed attacks against me in public. My kids will think I am a super hero. Then finance the rest of the Enders game movies
Take out a lot of people, try to restore balance to the government
calidor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:42:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
fund my own country and spend all of it on research on a series of history-making science projects, like a permanent setting on the moon/mars, nuclear fusion, supermaterials, genomics, AI, robotics with no ethical barriers.
Fun answer: Buy myself a big ass stadium. Bigger than wembly, this will be big enough to hold millions. Put it in the middle of the Sahara dessert. Call all my favorite musical artists. Host the biggest god damn concert of all time. Free of charge, you just need to get there. This concert will not be televised, it will happen only once every 10 years. In a different location on Earth every time. It'll be like the World Cup of music.
Real answer: I guess i'd donate the money over various charities first. Not so much that they'd feel the need to publicize it. Create a will and leave some for my family. And then I'd probably kill myself only after a couple days/weeks of hiding and worrying for my life in various hotels. You don't fuck with that kind of money. That kind of money makes people you love look at you funny. That kind of money would make my own mom look at me funny. What a curse that'd be. I'd rather die.
Get legal advice, take some time to get the money invested and then go on with my life as usual, because now I do not have to worry about being paid enough in my unfortunately underfounded profession, which I love.
first thing, i would fully pay for the mortgage of everyone in my immediate family. for those that don't have one, i'd just buy them a house or something in the city they are working.
in the short term, i would make arrangements to fly out and catchup with old friends. i, hopefully, wouldn't have told anyone about this. try to hang out with them for a few days, then be on my way. then i would leave something like a greeting card on the coffee table, or wherever i stayed, assuming i crashed on a couch or something. i'd thank them, then tell them to look under the couch, etc. i would then leave a metal briefcase full of cash. not sure if it's fucked up, but i would leave different amounts depending on how much i enjoyed them being part of my life.
for a year i'd just go around catching up with people and leaving them that surprise.
i'd probably also fund my family members so they could stop working. i think literally all 3 working members of my family would stop their day job and start working on their own idea in hopes it turns into a business.
i think my idea made more sense if it was like 10 million. with a trillion i could leave each of the friends i can think of 1 billion dollars and still have tons of money left over.
Donate all but a few million to my church's charity organizations so the government couldn't take any.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:43:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I will fund all politicians in the US who have accepted climate change as a fact, are supporters of scientific pursuits, are against polluting air and water, are not racists, and then give $50 Billion to the mars mission.
And then hookers and blackjack pretty much
nionvox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:43:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can finally buy a house in Vancouver! gross crying
I'd go on a foolish crusade to enact change within the corporate world. I'd buy the controlling interest in GE and Procter and Gamble and take them private. Change the structure of the companies to make the highest paid employee make no more than 30 times the wage of the lowest paid employee. Give people a proper living wage and benefits.
Use profits from the 2 businesses to slowly take over all the others from a different tack. Start with mining companies, once I have the mining companies I would start taking over the refining companies making sure that the bulk of the profits went to making sure that they were the best that they could be on the environmentally responsible scale.
Then I'd go for the power companies. Completely take them off of coal, lobby the fuck out of the government to start going solar/wind/hydro and thorium breeder reactor nuclear.
Then I'd hire the best world assassins and kill all the upper level management of the telecoms.
buy a condo building. everyone i know can live there for free. buy a restaurant. everyone i know can eat there for free. then hire an army of lawyers to totally fuck up anyone that i know says needs fucking up. and just so i can say, "i have an army of lawyers".
Finish paying off my education, build a theatre, start teaching youth theatre. Basically my life's goal but without all the penny pinching and rental spaces
For starters I'd have to get my best friend a better present than what I'm currently going to get her lol
And then probably buy a couple grand computer and decent monitor and consult a lawyer.
Would definitely be in Europe once school is out though.
first: try to figure out the economic impact of either what is apparently a sudden influx of USD$1 trillion to the world's economy or what is the sudden redistribution of wealth from some portion of the world's population that now has me as their sole focus of anger.
second: have my morning piss
third: have my morning chai
Dqueezy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:44:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd donate a downright stupid amount of money to political causes. Pro environment, reversing citizens united, Wikileaks, trying to get a third party candidate in office. E.t.c.
Probably sleep until 10am, drive to microcenter, have them build me the best gaming pc possible, then come home and play Overwatch/Heroes for the next 48 hours.
Start investments for my sister (retirement)
Start a college / tech school fund for my nephew
Take my family around the world
Start a scholarship fund for kids in my school - a bunch of scholarships
Step 1, Verify if it's legit and that I get to keep it with no repercussions.
If Yes:
Pay off all my and my families debts.
give two-week notice at my Job and set up to be contracted for questions from the new guy.
Buy a duplex house, for my Mother (signs of dementia) and me or a caretaker.
Buy New vehicles for my mother and me.
place the rest in an account and live off the interest.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy out 51% ownership of Trump's hotels, clothing lines and anything else he owns.
Wixicz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy reddit for like 20 billion dollars and then turn it off. Suck it reddit!
tired63 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Find a way to rid the world of DJT
yarf13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would make Los Angeles into the greatest futuristic city ever known that becomes a spectacle of cleanliness, open roads, safety, affordable housing, recycling, green energy and plenty of fun recreational things to do with cheap public transportation leading everywhere.
First thing, build a giant Scrooge McDuck vault. I know there isn't enough gold and silver to fill it to the top but I only need enough to make it look the part. Build a castle somewhere along with a private mansion plane that I can take around from city to city.
Buy a few houses for my friends and I. Some closer to the city. Some out in the woods. Get us all decent vehicles. And then live modestly with my best friends doing what we wanted for the rest of our lives.
Aliwet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:47:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay so many debts. Mine, my boyfriend's, my family's. Then I'd still work. But plan more travel locations throughout the year because I wouldn't have to work about money. If I didn't work I'd still travel. But I think I'd still work because I enjoy what I do.
Buy some land in the middle of nowhere, build a small house probably somewhere in the mountains on the water.. And simply get the Fuck out of human civilization.
Can you imagine being so rich that you own ALL the best cars??? Not just a bugatti, but all of them? And also be able to afford your own racetrack, that you put on your own property, with your own island? You'd be able to own a while country!
I would use my new money and the power that comes with it to help everyone I could by setting up programs for all sorts of social issues like how buffet and gates do. This would buy me all sorts of good will so I could enact the second part of my plan.
I would become a burden with how eccentric I will become to a small community. I want to make a small town feel unending dread whenever my name comes up. I'm not going to hurt anyone I'm just going to be an inconvenience to this one community. I figure I'd start small with minor inconveniences and they would deal with it because hey I'm putting a ton of money into the community upgrading their parks and libraries and stuff. Then just increase the absurdity of what I do till they think "fuck not this asshole".
Basically I want gaslight 2000 or so people to think I'm a monster while everyone else in the world believe I'm a saint.
Fix the life of everyone I met who appeared to be a good person.
Seriously, 1 trillion is an INSANE amount of money. If I personally meet 1 million people, that's 1 million dollars per person.
Let's say the whole meeting, assessing, liking, inquiring, and supporting process took a mere 5 minutes (I'm guessing over an hour per case, but I could help a lot of people at once in cases such as families). That's 5 million minutes. 83333 hours. 8 hours a day? 10416 days. Do this half the year (180 days) each year? 57.9 years.
5 minutes a person for nearly SIXTY years, I could throw a million dollars at each one. Now look at your life, think how much a million would help. Think how much 100k would help. 100k would sort a ludicrous number of things out for you, right? So I guess I can spread the wealth a bit further, to a whopping 10 million people (around 30% the population of canada). But wait, at 5 minutes a person and the working hours given above, that's going to take 579 years! Let's work every day, get the job done in 289 years. Fuck.
You'd have to cut it down to something like 1 minute per person average, whilst working every day, doing 16 hour days. Not gonna happen.
But I haven't finished mixing everything up just yet. Let's assume I DID manage 16 hours a day, 1 minute per person, 100k per person. That's 96 million a day given out to "good" people. I put that in inverted commas because the measurement of good in this 1 minute time window is impossible.
96 million is 0.0096% of 1 trillion, per day. 3.5% spent a year. Shit, I could invest a lot and cut the net cost down per day HUGE amounts. In fact, by scaling back to 5 min/person, 8 hrs/day, 180 days/yr, I'd be spending 0.17% of that trillion a year. Even lazy investing could maintain that indefinitely. With good assistance, I'm sure that 3.5% could be achieved. Maybe put some additional focus on the return fund as needed.
So I give out money carefully here or there, spending time to assess who best to give it to, and use part of all of this to invest in other projects which bring the money back. Maybe I could make some agreement with people that for whatever amount I give them, they must pay back in some amount over time. I'm probably going to need groups of people to assist me in determining niceness and required assistance, as well as in delivering it, and in gathering the returns from people paying back. To be fair to everyone, maybe I could let the people decide who will make up the group I work with. Reshuffle every few years to keep in touch with the changing world of course.
Some people are best helped by getting their road fixed, or having to not worry about food. Some people just want a place to live, or a better education. Some would happily do with some new shoes, or others would like a place to swim. A lot of people would want a nice place for a stroll, or to see animals thrive in a natural environment. A lot of people's desires would cross over so we can make a mutual fund and put a cut of everyone's pot into each thing they care about. My new group of helpers can work with me to decide how we split that pot.
Excellent, millions of people will get their lives improved in vast areas, I'll be creating jobs by making everything happen in this way, it'll self sustain by having the happy people pay back over time with the money they will now be making in their new successful life, and I'll have a group of people helping to distribute the funds and make sure the country runs right.
Day 1 I would get an accountant and a lawyer to look over my assets, set up a trust and figure out tax implications. I wouldn't tell anyone I know and wouldn't spend a dime for at least a month until all my affairs were in order. I'd put half of it in a liquid interest bearing account, half into the trust and pay off my debts and start looking for investment opportunities and people in need of help so I could help them out anonymously through the trust. I'd continue living my life. I'd probably start a small business so I could have an office to occupy my time and work on personal projects and maybe go to law school part time to learn. I'd take art classes and learn to sail and fly a plane and helicopter. No one would know I was rich but I'd take care of those around me.
kylej23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:49:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd immediately put it all into the S&P and have all my earned interest go into an off-shore account. Then I'd sit back and hope that when whoever messed up and gave me a trillion dollars comes knocking, they're only worried about recouping the principle.
I honestly can't comprehend how much money that actually is. FIrst, I'd talk to a lawyer and make sure I wasn't overlooking that would come back to bite me. Assuming he says go for it, I've got a plan.
I'd gift 2m to everyone I wanted to retire (a 4% withdrawal rate would give them 80k per year on no "work"). My parents, my brother and a handful of friends would be in this catergory. It's plenty to live on if that's what you want to do, but I suspect most of them would still do some sort of work.
I'd let my day job know that I was going down to a very limited schedule, at least for a while. I'd help them train/transition to my replacement, but wouldn't walk out and burn any bridges.
I work in 2 businesses outside of my day job that I'd invest some money into, to help them grow their businesses.
I'd build myself a house more like what I want. I'd probably be out 500k all said and done to build exactly what I want on a few acres of land. I'd spend some money on watches and cars.
Once I was transitioned out of my day job, I'd take some time and travel. I've never been to Europe. I've never been to Asia. I've never been to Australia. It's a big world and I've not seen very much of it.
This is a really cool question, because it forces me to really reflect on what I'm doing now, and why. I spend a lot of my life doing stuff in prep for the future. Work so that I can have a "better" future type stuff. I don't know if it'll change what I'm really doing, but the concept of money not driving my decision making process is interesting.
lex10 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:50:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to my old company I used to work for in the middle of the night and pump it full off poo. They have blacked out windows so they won't kniw
They open the door and get washed down the street in poo in the morning
Revenge will be had as that's what you get for fucking (they did not me)up a project designed to support and help people with mental health issues and i had to send all the money i raised back to the funders.
I'd get the fuck out of there immeadtly. Buy a private island and go into hiding. Fucking people are shity and as soon as it went public I became an overnight trillionare eveyone would probably start doxing me and showing up at my house. Of course once I've escaped I'd hire people to find my family members and bring them to my island before they get shot or stabbed.
I'd probably still come into work for a bit, because I do love my job. I'd buy a 2012 Jaguar XFR ( My dream car ), and completely overhaul my PC. From there, I'd have to give my parents 10 billion each, and 10 billion for my lil brothers. 50 million to all my friends (of which I have only a handful) because they kept me out of some dark times.
I'd move back home, and get a nice lakefront house. Nothing too crazy, but enough to love comfortably. A platform would be built in the lake with targets so never have to pay a range fee again, and I could use any caliber gun I want to slap metal. Then I'll take half of the remaining money and invest in my future. The other half would be spent helping homeless veterans get their sea legs again.
sigh Thanks Reddit for getting my hopes up. Back to the struggle bus so one day it will happen.
I'd pay off all my debt, buy a home in California. Then I'd probably make an attempt at buying Nicaragua outright. They're trying to build a Canal through an amazing natural habitat that would completely destroy that habitat and I'd stop that shit. Then I'd learn to sail, buy a boat and go anywhere in the world I wanted for the rest of my life.
Prolly verify it first. Then I'd call TheDonald to find who is the hook up on hot east European women. Then I'd get a fine cigar and a glass of good scotch while I think about it some more.
Immediately call the bank and ask them how the fuck I wound up with that money--assuming they don't call me first. Any fans of Attack on Titan here? If you're not, all you need to know is that it was a very sudden breakout hit comic in Japan and the author's first major work. He's admitted in interviews that his bank contacted him asking questions after it took off because of his unusually high and sudden income increase.
Ugggnnnn pay off all my debts!! Pay off all my friends' debts!!
Then go to whatever fucking uni I desire, in whichever fucking city in the whole world, and study something fascinating and brilliant without having to WORK ALL THE FUCKING TIME. And never feel pressed for time/cash again :D
Ooh and a personal chef/nutritionist.
And a house for my Mum.
I would tell basically no one. I would just spend my days traveling.
Also, id probably get rid of a lot of the money. I only need like a billion to have a lifetime of fun and travel. Billionaire is a hell of a smaller target then a trillionaire. I'm not about to get assassinated for money I'm never even going to be able to use.
Charities/friends/families would be receiving my generosity, but anonymously.
I'd bribe all of Congress to quit after impeaching president doofus. Then finance campaigns of people who genuinely have the people's best interests in mind. I'd actually make America great again.
Have a limousine take me to work in the morning. Have it parked across the sidewalk that goes into the building. Then I'd sit on the roof with my legs dangling in through the sunroof, wearing a fine suit and a ridiculous top hat and drinking a glass of champagne. Then I'd invite my coworkers to join me, but oh no! When they try to come in the limo, all the doors are locked! Then I'd laugh at them and taunt them as they sadly made their way into the building.
Except my boss. Him I'd spray with the champagne. Then I'd laugh at him.
Try and take over a town. Like, find some town that I really enjoy, that has a shitload of under/unemployment going on, and try to think of productive jobs that could be done that could get the entire town to 15$+ an hour and good damn benefits. And free tuition.
I'm not a huge fan of traveling (like. I'd obviously spend some on a trip round the world to see friends of mine in other countries, and I'd want to see some musicals), so after getting the traveling done, I'd like to just make one spot as good as possible.
EDIT: I think I'd try to take over Flint. Or maybe a part of Detroit that isn't back to par yet
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Natalie Portman. As often as she lets me with one trillion dollars.
OldEars ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Form a foundation, leaving out $50M to have more than my family will need for a few generations. The first period would be to decide what to support with that foundation and then would spend time putting my considerable resources to good use. I might, with that much, devote it to several causes including environmental issues (could buy and protect a lot of wilderness and city parkland) and helping disadvantaged kids climb up to that level playing field. For world health, I can't imagine doing things better than the Gates Foundation so might pull a "Warren Buffet" and let Bill and Melinda handle that.
Here's where I would start. First setup 500 billion to slowly invest in the stock market over a period of time that wouldn't crash everyone's investment. Then I would buy out all family members mortgages, give them 10 million each to do what they wish in the short term. Long term is the will would be divided up so they will live comfortably, but not obnoxiously, for the rest of their life. Next I would buy the best health insurance for anyone remotely close to me, for their lifetime. I'm talking several of the best GP in the world would have the sole responsibility of taking care of my family and friends. I would then start buying real estate in carefully selected areas so that not one area is more affluent than others. There's a golf course community in my home town that the property owners were shafted when the golf course went out of business. I would buy the golf course and turn it I to a disc golf course as a personal hobby. I would invest into a solar farm on some of the newly acquired land that would also feed my new home. I would select smaller, suburban communities to start building fiber networks. The cost structure associated would be setup that I want everyone to have access to it, but also so that it's self sustaining. If absorbing the entire cost makes sense, then I would. I would work to improve all primary schools, then middle, then high schools with the end result being a result orientated system where trades are as important as being a desk jockey. I would increase teacher pay to the point that it attracts the best teachers who have a true passion for teaching. The more motivated the child, the more he/she will be taught. The less motivated or less intelligent will be given one on one tutors. I could go on, but what I would want to accomplish is to use the influx of money to improve society without crushing it with the influx on cash. I would strive to encourage communication and the flow of information. I want kids to learn, but also utilize their individual passion to spur healthy growth. Every step would be reviewed before implementation and if their are any substantial flaws other than it affecting my bottom line, then I would rethink it. I would spread out the growth so that not one area feels the increase in living, but as whole, everyone can benefit. 1 trillion is a lot of money, but I would spend it to better everyone.
Hire a personal finance advisor, a really good one, and figure out how much I need to put in a high interest account so I could live off the interest and not even have to touch the capital. I'd probably spread it between a few different banks. And I'd also donate a crap ton of money that the interest generates.
Also with all my free time, since obviously I'd quit work, I'd go back to college and educate myself and with my free time I'd volunteer at various places.
Help my dad pay off his house and any outstanding debts he may have. Also make sure my girlfriends student loans are paid off fully as well. A lot of it will also go to my brothers and their families so life is worry free for them.
jihiggs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:54:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
well, getting more sleep is out of the question due to excitement.
Pay the US Congress, president, and court system as much as I possibly could to allow them to make their own real decisions rather than giving in to special interests. And there would definitely be a certain few I would pay to just leave.
After getting that expensive delicious food i've been craving, I'd take care of all of my debts, set up my friends, and then travel. After that settle someplace comfortable and start a Mars race against Space X.
Dear god I would have to make 4 million bank accounts so that I could have it all insured by FDIC, So what I would do is I would open 1 month 3month 6 month 1 year 3 year 5 year 10 year CDs every day multiple of each to so it is at least earning some interests, I would retain multiple of the best atorneys, I would insure myself through the roof I am talking about every type of umbrella policy that exists. I would invests tons of money in diversified funds. I would also invest slowly enough to become a board members of some companies :D
I would hire tons of body guards most of them blend in with the crowd.
I would have a nearly indestructible house commissioned it will be made from a solid cube of STEEL 50 feet by 50 feet by 50 feet
(503) (ft3) = 935 064.935 US gallons = 61 647 611.06 Pounds of steel and all the rooms will be carved out so it is made of one piece muhahhahhah
At $40 a pound that is $2465904440 $2 billion is not much for a trilionaire.
Pay off my student loan. And the student loans of my friends. Pay off whatever loans my parents and/or immediate family have. Buy a couple of videogames, the Switch, stuff to build a pc, a better camera and actually buy the software I need to do some editing and the full version of the DAW that I use.
The rest can go to charity after I build my dream house while still maintaining about a million dollars or so afterwards.
I would buy every student loan company I could, starting with Navient, then reformulate their systems to have interest rates and grace periods adjust on your debt to income ratio, so if you earn less per year than the total outstanding debt, you would pay at most 1% interest a year on your loans.
You would be given an optional (up to three months a year) grace period each year where you can choose to only pay interest, albeit with a temporary interest hike to accommodate it. (like 2% during those months)
And I would automate the systems as much as possible with the highest caliber programmers and AI/UI specialists available so I could eliminate as much staff as possible, and then should the system become profitable, donate all of the profits to a charity that pays off student loans starting with the largest inequalities and working down to the smallest.
And with the other 750 billion dollars, I would create a publicly known cabal of billionaires and geniuses (like Elon Musk) to colonize Mars and the Moon, fix the environment, and start mining the asteroid belts.
Get a PhD first of all. Buy a house, new car. I'd still work because I'd wanna contribute something positive still. Give a lot to charity, start a charity maybe. Nothing crazy really. Take lots of trips around the world for a year maybe. Wouldn't know what to do with all that money so I'll hopefully live like I normally do and accomplish my goals forgetting how rich I am
Pay off my parents house, buy them the nicest RV, pay off my oldest sister's house, buy my middle sister a house, buy myself a house, donate money to my college's marching band, put half in savings, upgrade my and my partner's computers, pay off my friend's student loan debt, start a scholarship, donate to highschools in need, buy out US politicians
Serious Answer? I would use it to rebuild my city that I love. Detroit. I would use my money to get influence and with the influence and money, begin lobbying with politicians to get more people friendly policies put in place. I believe full marijuana legalization in Michigan would greatly help in bolstering our economy. We are already growing in terms of people moving here, so I think this would help even more.
I would open up several businesses within the city, including a gaming company. However, that would be a project of love. The rest would be labor and businesses that would help booster the economy of Detroit and the surrounding area.
I would buy up a lot of real estate and make sure it was affordable to the working class. Apartments right now are seriously way out of the price of the average worker. I'd bring that back down to reasonable levels. To encourage even more people to move back to the city.
I would open several entertainment places around the town, to give it more of a concentrated social life.
I would also use my money to back a candidate for Mayor that I believe in and trust to do the right thing. Someone young with good ideas. Someone with their finger on the pulse of the area.
I am assuming at this point I have a high profile within the city. I would try to work close with the Police Department and donate money that would go to hiring more qualified recruits. So that they could patrol the downtown area and keep it safe.
For the fun shit I would do, I would probably spend sometime just wandering Europe on a motorcycle. Staying in hostels, really living a low profile life in the summer.
Yetiius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yatta99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Considering how crazy inexpensive they always turn out to be to buy, I could buy the entirety of Congress for the rest of my life. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on your POV) that would only take about $100 million or so. Then maybe buy one of those old missile silos and turn it into one of those ultra cool mega bases like you see in the old James Bond movies. Also I could fund the shit out of NASA and have rovers and shit running around on all the planets scoping things out. And 'Topless Tuesday' would be a thing.
Pay off my house and fix what needs to be fixed, pay off my family's houses, buy myself a nice new car, pay off my wife's student loans, finish up the day by buying the company I work for and firing the bitch district manager.
SH4Z4M ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Charter a plane. Land it at the most western chick-fil-a and grab food to bring my girlfriend on the west coast. She loves it and can't get it there. Pick her up and go straight to Africa. See the animals she loves and most likely adopt as many kids as we can save. Spend the rest of our days making art and traveling.
Panic. That is way too much money. The sudden addition of a trillion dollars to the US economy probably has some pretty big effects (massive currency devaluation). Or, even worse, if that money came from somewhere there are probably a lot of very unhappy people.
Gnazgoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Convert it into GBP.
JTFout ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Set up my family with a couple mil each, then start making music in my own studio.
Once I have enough good music made I would hire the best artists, poets, comedians, dancers, philosophers, etc.
Once all that is said and done I would start a world wide tour bringing art to every country, it would be ten bucks a pop in first world countries, and free in third world countries. I'd bring a smile to every face and help get people out of the "work until I can live out my 20s when I'm in my 60s" mindset. Hopefully it would make more people learn to live their lives without mental constraint...
Oh yeah and I'd build a REALLY big statue of a middle finger aimed at congress, so everyday the have to see what I think of them.
Also I'd make a random homeless man/woman of my choosing into a millionaire once a week, just to see what happens.
I would open dozens of low cost women's health clinics in the Bible Belt and watch fuckers die of embolisms trying to get them shut down. I have all the money in the world, bitches, bring it!
Davvve3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would count the zeroes then realise that it's actually a billion as Americans can't count, or use dates like the rest of the world, or calculate temperature like the rest of the world. And have the most ridiculous excuse for a president, that the American people voted in.
Then I would fly to Italy and buy a Ferrari, a lamborgini, a bugatti then buy a vineyard. And retire.
VYR3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably buy my self a couple old cars, a few super cars, and a pretty big garage, and maybe pay off my local police department so I don't have to worry about speeding tickets. Maybe also invest into bionic augmentation and make ghost in the Shell.
Quit my job, donate 500k to them, get into the stock market, start my own bar, never discuss finances with anyone besides my wife ever again, and spend the rest of my days traveling and livestreaming.
Before the questions come: i take care of special needs individuals in group homes so I figure that's a good cause and would make up for my 2 day notice as in, "i quit TOday" that joke works a lot better when spoken
adaminc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd built a fiber optic network here in Canada that reaches every building. It would then be held in trust for the people of Canada, never to be sold or given away. ISPs could lease wholesale access to it for very low prices, only enough to cover cost plus create a fund to upgrade incase there are any giant leaps in tech.
I would build a road to Baffin Island. End up in both Arctic Bay and Iqaluit.
Secondly I'm buying EA, Ubisoft and several other gaming devs/ publishers so I can fix their broke as fuck system of pushing release dates at the cost of game quality.
Next I'll get to work buying up Internet and phone services and actually getting fiber installed across the country like we should already have, while breaking up the monopolistic/ non- competitive practices these industries rely on to fuck over the customers.
Next I would get to work on world hunger and drought issues, including places like flint MI.
Not necessarily in that order, but even thinking about having that much money stresses me out, I would feel so obligated to always be doing "more" and would never feel like I was doing enough.
Buy every single business, deal, what ever that Trump and his cronies own or have a share in. Then fire them all. and make those businesses work for the public interest.
Also, buy Trump out of his share of the Presidency.
Then in order: pay off all school debt and mortgages of myself and all family; set aside several million for investments to support me and the fam for life; set up funding for public schools and especially the arts; scholarships; flat out buy the company I work for; Space exploration and charities.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go on /r/personalfinance and have those fuckers tell me to pay off debts, put as much as I can in the bank, eat like if I was a character on the walking dead and get a shitty Japanese hatchback. BTW a trillion is a million millions. Let that sink in. You could buy around 4 million Ferrari 488s.
Every single penny, if necessary, would be devoted to impeaching Trump, and getting an American back in the White House. In addition, I'd see to it that he ended up in prison for his growing list of crimes. A special prison, with a special cell, and tours. Americans would be allowed to file past his cell and mock him through the bars, 24 hours per day.
I would wonder how I got 1 trillion dollars. If legitimate & I won the lottery or something, I've invest half in safe high interest savings accounts . I'd donate a quarter to causes of my choosing, and the other quarter I would disperse amongst family members and friends.
If not legitimate, I would freak the fuck out and get a lawyer to help me sort this mess out.
I'd do all the normal "lottery winner" stuff like buying houses for family, paying off debts etc etc.
Then I'd walk around campus at my university and start handing out cash and paying off student loans for people. I think a trillion could pay off all US student debt. So I'd probably do that. Invest in the future of our country.
iPhoid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my debt.
Go talk to the best financial advisor I can find.
What I expect him to tell me:
1. Make maximum Roth IRA contri....fuck what am I saying, I don't need to invest anything.
Schedule a meeting with Bill Gates.
Attend meeting and ask for advice about how I can solve as many of the world's problems as possible as quickly as possible. I expect this to mean giving a lot of money to scientists and entrepreneurs.
Oh yeah, and before step 1, quit my job. And don't tell anyone about any of this except my wife. Maybe first get a lawyer to draft a post-nup because while I absolutely trust my wife, it's safer for the future of the world that I am in complete control of this money (I'm the money tracker in the relationship).
Lnzy1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd call my bank and ask them where the fuck it came from. I recall a story several years ago where a poor person had a significant amount of money plopped into their account and they spent it and they had to pay it back.
spyyked ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put away enough to retire on and give a huge chunk, maybe half?, to Elon Musk. I mean not directly to him but to his companies. Even if I wanted to use my wealth to improve the state of the world he could do it a helluva lot better than me.
Finishing paying for my remaining 2 years of college, my loans, and then KEEP GOING TO SCHOOL AND WORK TO ADD ON TO THE WEALTH. most people see money and quit. I want it all. ALL OF IT
But buzzfeed productions and immediately make a apology video on our terrible videos then shut it down. Because I hate buzzfeed
pikk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:59:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
wow. That's only 3000 dollars per us citizen.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:59:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In all seriousness... Pay my debts, and probably my family's debts, put aside money for the kiddo. Buy a new wardrobe, cause fuck me I haven't bought any new clothes for years. Get a house that needs just enough love to keep me occupied, with enough yard that I can try my hand at gardening, and a barn I can have a workshop in.
And then I'd probably give away 90% of the rest, cause having that much money would freak me out and I'd feel pressured to spend it wisely.
Am I the only one that hates thinking about these hypotheticals? It usually happens when people ask what you would do if you won the lottery/powerball/mega millions. I hate it. Yeah let me imagine if my life was amazing and I had unlimited money. Cool, now back to reality with infinite debt.
Give the 100 people that are the closest to me 1 billion dollars and still have 90% of the money left to spend. After that who the hell knows. Probably invest another 10-15% to make sure I always have money. Then it's the usual buy a place to live forever, buy transportation, and just make sure I am set up for life. I'd buy and close the company I work for but not before giving each employee a cool million dollars so that nobody gets fucked when I quit. It's a small business of like 25 people so that doesn't hurt too bad. Then travel I guess.
Pay rent for the entire apartment complex I live at for a year As a gesture of being good to my neighbors (except the mean neighbors, they get the stink eye.)
Then I'd invest part of the money so that I make a substantial amount of money off of investments to live a comfortable life. Make sure my family is set for success should I die b/c of all the money I would have.
Pay the government its fee for just being born an American (tax). Setup scholarships for students in low income neighborhoods so that they have a chance to make it out of a bad situation.
I'd pay people's student loans off and say to them that they can just pay it forward by helping out someone in need.
Then I'd travel world and enjoy life. Also the fact that I won't have to work a job I hate ever again.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:59:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off the national debt of my country, leave the country and find a private island, stay inside playing video games all day and use the interest to send myself food.
For real though, after the lawyers, accountants, and protection everyone is talking about, I would pull what John Oliver did and buy up ten or fifteen billion dollars worth of medical debt in the US and pay it off. I would fund some crazy but promising medical research like nanobots that kill cancer or fight infections after penicillin is no longer a thing. I would start my own telecommunications company and make wireless internet accessible all through out those crazy terrorist inflicted countries. This way dissemination of information can reach those far off places and hopefully reach more minds, making radicalization harder to achieve. The weird part of a trillion dollars is I would probably still have like 900 billion dollars left to spend after all of this.
Start some kind of stupid business to keep myself occupied when I returned or maybe I'd go back to teaching English or I'd like to open a shop that sells retro video games and toys.
Not go to work is one. Stay in bed. Put clothes on, go to town and buy a lot of ridiculously good and expensive bath bombs, go back home then bathe. Buy tickets in bath for all the concerts I wish to see. Buy all the games and consoles / PCs I would desire. Buy all sneakers I want, all clothes basically. Give my parents a bunch of it each, new cars and give my dog a dinosaur bone.
Isturma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alright I'll play.
The first thing I'd do is start getting it the fuck out of whatever bank has it. I'd start wiring that shit into banks so secretive they only answer the phones with "yes?"
Then I'd go to work. Gotta keep up appearances - I'd rather people think that I'm some normal schlep for a little while longer. After quietly paying off my car and the house I'm renting, I'd pay off my student loans and medical debt.
Then investing - I'd pump some money into tesla, a small family business in VA (those of you who know, know. Otherwise don't worry about it), Doctors Without Borders, prevent cancer foundation (go fucking donate to them if you haven't already!) and the ASPCA. I'd also drop huge stacks to the local animal shelter, but on the down low.
After six months I'd quietly quit my job or go part time, and focus on getting in shape and making plans, culminating with an actual self funded run at the White House in 2020. I'd tag some of the best presidents still alive to advise me, and hit the ground running to bring this poor beleaguered country into the 20th century.
And after I was done, I'd change my name and quietly retire somewhere with a fulfilling job and hopefully a loving wife.
Buy my brother a new car because I totaled his when I was 19.
Pay off all my Dad's debts.
Spot all immediate family members $100 million.
Buy a lot of land and start a flourishing, sustainable energy micro-house community of which I have a decent micro-house atop a hill with a nice oak tree and a respectable pond at the foot of a mountain.
Travel extensively.
Buy up more strategically located vacant land in rural United States.
Install extensive solar panel farms.
Found sustainable energy company and bank roll it until I die.
Watch the world burn until I am swiftly assassinated by non-renewable energy companies and special interest groups.
Have ashes buried beneath my oak tree.
If dead without heir, donate cash to build a ballin' massive library and plenty of park benches scattered throughout the world so that tired people can have a break.
Buy a good few farms that are connected, build a giant fence around them, outfit a private army to protect it, build a huge complex to zombie/nuclear apocalypse standards. Invite all my friends and family to come as well as the best craftsmen available to make anything we might need. Hire some doctors. Make a private airfield and racetrack, buy all the best hunting rifles, gadgets, toys and cars. All the rest of the money gets split between investment accounts, property, charities and scholarships for the underprivileged.
Invest 1 Billion to support myself (somewhat lavishly), spend the 400 billion bribing people, installing bought politicians and overhauling government, 400 billion to give to various charities, $190 billion to give away in 50k increments to people in need. The rest is basically to cover the overhead and staffing of my "giving it all away", candidates must be vetted.
Buy a house, new car, and get myself and my family set up for the future. I have a son, who could make a lot for himself with money for a proper education, or even some cash to try as many things as possible.
Selfish answer,
I'd just go on a massive shopping spree. It would be glorious. I'd buy things I don't even need and still have money left over.
bob-w ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate it. Keep the bare minimum to survive and try to make people happy
Build super elite schools everywhere in the USA and pay teachers $100k a year so that maybe we can never have a Trump presidency again and the dumbification of this country can die.
Then give everybody I meet $1 million dollars for like a year while I travel the world.
I'd tell my parents to no longer worry and do as they please, pay off their house, the debt of everyone in my family; now and in the future, then I'd buy cool things for myself; a lot of weed, more weed. I'd probably send some money to closest friends, maybe donate some to local charities..
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:03:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
After lawyer, accountant, paying off family bills, etc., and while fixing up my house and stuff...
I'd start 6-8th grade boarding schools for girls from (maybe not exclusively) poor urban areas. I'd groom them for math and science, make sure they played sports and learned music, and then "feed" them into boarding high schools on full scholarships. Yip, I'm using my money to put a small dent in a long list of imbalances in America -- black/brown skin lower income and opportunity, and women in STEM.
I figure $1B buys land, builds the infrastructure, and has endowment to pay operating costs of a 6-8 grade boarding school for 500 girls. So maybe I build 10 of 'em, and low and behold, that's roughly 1600 girls with potential a year being pulled out of their current track and being put on an entirely different one. At some point you run out of high end private boarding high schools to send them to (on scholarship), so this doesn't scale up massively. Hell, that's only 1% of my money.
Let's say they don't all get full scholarships to college, but instead average $100,000 in total costs for four years, including tuition, room, board, and travel to/from. Let's say I cover that. Each year that's an additional 1600 x $100,000 = $160,000,000 = 160M in obligation. To endow that scholarship, that requires 160M x 20 = $3.2B. More pocket change, so I'd do that too.
Imagine how America changes if, each year, 1600 black girls with potential but from poor families in poor schools go on to graduate from colleges with STEM degrees and do debt instead of what they would have done otherwise. Sure, they won't all make it, and sure, some might have made it anyway, but the additional is substantial. Imagine how this impacts America -- our poverty, our diversity in STEM industries, and our overall achievement in STEM globally.
And all of that, built in perpetuity, cost me less than $20B of my $1000B.
After that, I'd open businesses focused on developing renewable electricity generation (even, maybe, at a loss) while paying union wages and doing right by people, and I'd buy me a few politicians, a minor league baseball team, and then start buying up apartment buildings, retrofitting them to be highly energy efficient, and renting them out.
I would be worried someone would try to influence me, rob me, coerce me, kill me or some other dirty play.
A trillion dollars is an astronomical amount of money that attracts attention.
If we assume it remains secret I think I would quit my job because I don't feel it contributes to my happiness besides letting me care for myself.
I expect I would travel more, eat at more expensive restaurants.
Maybe I would give some money to deserving charities.
I would buy a nice apartment with an indoor swimming pool.
I would make sure my relatives were economically secure, but maybe not gifting them millions of dollars. Maybe I would by some expensive gifts.
I don't know what would happen. The most important thing is that you gain freedom. Now I have to force myself to work in order to live. If you have money you can remove that huge burden from your shoulders and that's certainly life changing.
Put $100m into diversified balanced portfolio (set to balance out gains around the market rise and fall and interest rate rises and falls) leave it alone for the most part, this is the emergency fund.
Put $100m into an index fund, and plan my living expenses around the interest on that. That's more than enough to live in complete comfort and for my wife and I to do whatever we want for the rest of our days.
Buy a condo in NYC and a nice house in the Boston area.
Set up $10m trusts for several important family members and dear friends.
Call Bill Gates and talk strategy for setting up a foundation that can do the most good for the long term progress of humanity with the other $999,000,000,000
Does anyone have the link to the guy who said he'd live on a plane for his entire life. He'd get a rumor started about how he's always lived there and has a raffle or something for only 1 reporter to interview him. Then he crashes the plane the reporter is in and everyone thinks he's dead. In reality he's still on a plane living in the sky and now is a myth/legend.
B3NGINA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:04:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would build a couple of schools in the most uneducated parts of America. I would make them completely free for anyone who wants to attend from kindergarten to college courses. I would pay the teachers 100,000$ a year to ensure that I'm getting some of the best and brightest teachers from across the country. Each school would have a world class gym, which would also be free to anyone living in the area. They would also have state of the art computer rooms where there would be free classes on programming.
Then I'd use the leftover money on drugs.
ZooWap ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:05:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The GDP of my country is 160 billion USD... I would buy my country. Then I would take all the corrupt politicians and put them in cages along the main road. Start building mega complexes to get the people out of shacks and nasty neighborhoods. Turn this places into public parks. Being down taxes to half of what they are now. Decentralize government to make it more local so people are more accountable. Give tax exemptions to companies that pay more to their workers and give them further education. Turn the country into a nonprofit organization and give every citizen a share on it and leave a minimal nominal central government.
Go see the world and retire to Scotland to raise sheep and drink whiskey while I wait for everything to eventually go to fucking hell because people will always find a way to fuck everything up.
I have read an interesting German novel about this. It's about a guy who inherits a trillion dollars from an Italian Merchant from the 15th century, when modern banking was invented. He tries to make the world a better place with his money for which he first becomes biggest global player with his global Fontanelli Corporation. When he gets lost by accident somewhere in Manila he finds out about a boy who has to pay back a giant loan to the bank which he owns. He then realizes that as the richest man in the world he hasn't changed anything for the small man. He now has the idea to have a worldwide election of a 'world speaker' who represents all of earth (Nelson Mandela is voted). Fontanelli concludes that money alone can't change the bad in the world even if a benevolent guy has all the money. The novel had it's flaws but was an interesting read.
I would travel to my closest friend and pay for an ultra exposures passport to do so. Then I would invite her to travel the world with me. When we got back I would build a castle with an 8 foot stone wall around a large property in the forest.
Zibani ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:05:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd get a lawyer immediately. Seek out land, build my dream home, buy a car, and put the rest away.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Create one of the biggest Clubs/Discos/Casinos in the world with only the funkiest and best hand picked songs for the place and top tier models for men and women along and guaranteeing one person a night gets a jackpot of a Million dollars.
hjc135 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well I'd start with all of the alcohol, and the next day I'd wake up with 1 dollar
Give everyone in the world a million dollars, and start a foundation to help educate people on how to properly use money to invest in themselves and a collective future.
Edit: also take a trip around the moon.
Z-man9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd invest half then buy a modest house on a large property. I would also build my dream garage with 4 post lifts, every tool I'll ever need, a plasma table, 5 axis mill, and lathe. Then I'd buy all the cars and motorcycles I wanted growing up.
lulz85 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire a chauffer.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would text my colleagues I wasn't coming in, and I'd tell one of them (the only one who is actually a nice person) to quit too as she can have a like 10mil.
wolftic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:07:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd build a real life role playing game with robot enemies to get Exp from. Robot boss battles with trampolines to get to higher points. I'd probably also hire shopkeepers etc.
Like, the "fuck it, Im not going to college anymore, I'm not going to work, bye all" kind of nothing.
Probably buy an apartment. Start living alone, buy the things for said apartment, sleep all day, play videogames all day, eat pizza, sushi or tacos all day.
Hopefully this on another country. Not like I hate mine, but I like big cities.
Then, ask myself "how did I got 1 trillion dollars?".
(Assuming that this was not some manner of error) I would start with long talks with the ATF and a lawyer about buying one of every gun I can find in america. Buy my ma a house, probably the rest of the family houses and cars too. nothing too fancy. they'll need to be able to afford taxes and whatnot. Build a work shop, start welding again. most of it would probably be given away to charity/maybe even start my own charity, so I could make sure the money is actually doing good
biaaaa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have so many dishonest shitty people in my family that I would immediately be terrified.
I would delete Facebook, first and foremost.
Secondly, my husband would go out in search of a fuck ton of land, in which we would convert into a family and friend style farm with houses for the ones we care about, far enough apart to not have neighbors.
Once that was finished, we would grab said friends and family, make them sign a legal clause to not disseminate information, then we would tell them about winning money (think millions instead of a trillion), and about their new houses.
Set up trust funds for kids, friends/family's kids, etc. donate a bunch. Get lipo/tummy tuck. Hire a nanny to travel the world with us and teach our kids.
First make sure it was actual real money, see if it was stashed there by someone not looking to kill me if I touched it.
Assuming it was 100% legal and it wasn't going to be seized, I'd have to contact an accountant to get it all put on the books with the IRS as income and pay the absolutely crazy amount of money that would come along with that.
Which would still leave me with an insane amount of money.
After that, I'd take stock of how much I had and then truly decide what to do with it.
I'd set aside some to give to friends/family to make sure they were taken care of. Not enough to be crazy, but enough to ensure they would have no hardships and could save up for their kids/retirement.
I'd have a good "fun" fund for doing whatever I wanted for a few years in addition to making sure I could pay my expenses.
I'd put a chunk into savings, letting me build interest year over year as a "salary" and then the rest would go into stocks and the like.
I'd live like that for a few years at least, having fun, adjusting specifics in terms of how much is where, and then ultimately I would probably try to start a business, or buy one I really enjoy. Or maybe I'd just accrue money while having a blast in life and then dictate the rest be given away to various charities and such when I die.
Get my electricity turned back on for sure. Then hook my mom up for helping me out years ago so she wouldn't have to work. Coast on the rest with as little extravagant purchases as possible.
Build a spaceship and get the fuck off this rock filled with dumbasses.
S13Ni ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:09:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would pretend nothing has happened at first. I would not probably instantly leave my job or studies.
Having trillion dollars I would troll everyone I know so much.
Realistically, i wouldn't tell anyone or live my life differently. I would slowly start moving my stuff to another country (Norway sounds fun) and then I would tell my boyfriend and close friends, give money to my godmother and good friends and then move. I'd pay off any and all debt I had and invest in a business (I really want a bar) and let my money make me money somehow.
I'll be creating a utopia. Since I'm in a tiny country, I could establish a decades-long program to overhaul the entire place for the better. (I checked, 1 T means I could afford to match the nation's 2015 GDP for 25 years.) I'd be creating thousands of good jobs, giving out tons of grants, and would still have more than enough for my entire family to live comfortably for generations after.
Obviously start a country and declare myself president for life. Do you know how many countries have a GDP of less than 1 trillion dollars? I don't, but I think it's a lot.
Feign support for Trump's wall and build the whole thing out of my own pocket. Then give my best Nelson from the Simpsons laugh, blow the whole thing up and tell Trump it was all a joke and the wall was a stupid idea to begin with.
I'd donate 99.99% to a charitable trust that would invest the money and donate the proceeds to good causes.
I'd set it up so that the initial amount remained in the fund (adjusting for inflation) and just the proceeds of the investments was donated each year, so that it could keep on providing for ever.
I'd live a very nice life with the remaining $100,000,000. I don't need any status symbols or luxury yachts. A nice apartment in London and a house in the country, plenty of travel, eating in nice restaurants, going to see shows, trying new experiences. $100M would be more than enough for me.
Whenever I think of this, I always start idealistically, then head to the lowest energy pretty fast.
Steve Martin's "A Holiday Wish"
If I had one wish that I could wish this holiday season, it would be that all the children to join hands and sing together in the spirit of harmony and peace. If I had two wishes I could make this holiday season, the first would be for all the children of the world to join hands and sing in the spirit of harmony and peace. And the second would be for 30 million dollars a month to be given to me, tax-free in a Swiss bank account. You know, if I had three wishes I could make this holiday season, the first, of course, would be for all the children of the world to get together and sing, the second would be for the 30 million dollars every month to me, and the third would be for encompassing power over every living being in the entire universe. And if I had four wishes that I could make this holiday season, the first would be the crap about the kids definitely, the second would be for the 30 million, the third would be for all the power, and the fourth would be to set aside one month each year to have an extended 31-day orgasm, to be brought out slowly by Rosanna Arquette and that model Paulina-somebody, I can't think of her name. Of course my lovely wife can come too and she's behind me one hundred percent here, I guarantee it. Wait a minute, maybe the sex thing should be the first wish, so if I made that the first wish, because it could all go boom tomorrow, then what do you got, y'know? No, no, the kids, the kids singing would be great, that would be nice. But wait a minute, who am I kidding? They're not going to be able to get all those kids together. I mean, the logistics of the thing is impossible, more trouble than it's worth! So -- we reorganize! Here we go. First, the sex thing. We go with that. Second, the money. No, we got with the power second, then the money. And then the kids. Oh wait, oh jeez, I forgot about revenge against my enemies! Okay, I need revenge against all my enemies, they should die like pigs in hell! That would be my fourth wish. And, of course, my fifth wish would be for all the children of the world to join hands and sing together in the spirit of harmony and peace. Thank you everybody and Merry Christmas.
Spending a trillion dollars would be tiring. But this is exactly how I would do it.
First thing I'd buy is advice. I'd hire a financial adviser, and a lawyer to go over if this money was legit. They don't need to be good ones, just cheapies to get all the red tape out of the way. I'd also make sure they had no connections to anyone I knew, so I could cut them off at a moments notice, because I'm gonna keep this money quiet for as long as I can while I have fun.
I would buy 3-5 houses, 3-5 businesses in every major city in the western world, and rent them out. This may take a few years to do. But the money from all of this will give me a good earner if things ever went truly tits up and it gives me a nice grassroots reputation builder as a serious businessman. I'll do this as incognito as I can.
I would then set up trust funds to my next 1000 direct descendants. 1 million in each. It has a cool ring to it that my dynasty will be millionaires for a thousand generations. I think that's a pretty good way to get my name being spoken thousands of years in the future.
I'd then buy all the ridiculous stuff and shit, like a stupid house, stupid car, just have as much fun as I can, see the world, learn as many skills as I can. But invest smartly in ideas that will make money, and benefit humanity
Then BOOM start a space program with aims to harvest mineral wealth from asteroids. Haul back one meteor made of solid platinum, make another trillion. Boom. Get dat' Tony Stark/Elon Musk vibe going on.
With all of that, I've secured my happiness and well being. Taken care of the financial issues of my next 1000 descendants, stimulated my countries economy by buying stuff like a retard, furthered my countries space race goals, which in turn brings wealth in from outer space to be divided up between us on Earth which makes us more enthusiastic about space travel, and written myself into the history books.
Buy a Tesla, a nice house, a bunch of electronics, I'm not sure about the rest. I'd for sure be giving a ton away constantly, like at least 20% of that whole thing would go to charities. That would ease my conscience.
I'd probably start up a game studio and start directing games, occasionally working on them myself. I've kind of always wanted to do that, but people 10 years older than me already took all the jobs. Not having to worry about the bottom line would mean I could basically do whatever the fuck I wanted with the company, so that's nice.
It'd also be nice knowing I can actually afford to live as a millennial, because oops the housing market.
Put a lot of it away or invest it, buy my mom a new house, take my parents out to an amazing dinner, and find a few charities to donate to.
Pretty much what I've always wanted to do with any money.
First, go to a lawyer and get some financial advice. Make sure I don't end up with no money far too soon. Second, start a massive advertising campaign to convince Americans to switch to universal healthcare. Third, buy a small mansion (a maybe 6 or 7 bedroom house with a swimming pool, tennis court, and running track) in a nice quite midwestern state and pay probably google to run fiber out to it. Next, hire a language coach and a personal trainer and find a good psychiatrist. After that I set up a kick ass den with two battlestations, one fully decked out with AMD and the other one all out intel+nVidia. Set up a wall with every console ever made and a couple of MAME machines, one dedicated exclusively to playing JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Heritage for the Future. In another room, set up a top of the line recording studio. Then, I finally spend a lot of money on cosplay so I can do all the weird fun things I've considered over the years like Ansem and Guardian and go to all the cons. I then make sure to set up my mom and my sister with nice comfortable places to live, because they deserve it. I would probably keep making indie games and websites because I love doing that.
I would hire the Undertaker and Mankind to reenact the event where in nineteen ninety eight the Undertaker threw Mankind off Hell In A Cell, and plummeted 16ft through an announcer's table.....from space.
Put it in a bank, buy cool shit from all the interest. Start a fusion reactor and give the energy away for free. Give the rest of my money to nasa to do cool shit.
I'd collapse in 100% of fully fledged no-holding-back anxiety.
After that..
I'd stay in bed for a few more hours then probably freshen up. I'd put my clothes on, jump on my bed, and shop for every single thing I have wanted for a while now.
All the concert tickets, all the plane tickets, all the sneakers shirts hoodies pants whatever you call em, all the games I want, a new tv. Probably a spree on CD's and Blu Rays and books. I'd put away a measly 10% of my money for everyone after me to live off of.
I'd pay of my dad's debt and say sorry for saying the hurtful things I said even if he deserved them.
I'd go shop for some new phones (yes of course multiple) and highbrand headphones. Maybe see all movies I wanna see in the cinema. Meanwhile I'm keeping this on the hush hush.
Come Saturday, make my parents take me to a fancy car dealership (I dont drive yet) and tell them to pick one. Pay my dad money to retire. Pay mum money to follow her dreams, hair salon or something.
Im meeting my best best friends on Saturday, so tell them the movie and drinks are on me (snacks on them though) and let them know we'll be going on a vacation to their destination of choice in a PJ.
Walk back home. Lay in bed. Prepare for delivery madness on Tuesday. Wake up. Still make minimum wage. Accept. Move on.
Shower, eat breakfast, and then go to work. When I get home in the evening is when I'll start figuring out what I can do with the money. Until then, I'll just try to get used to the idea that I have more money than I can possibly spend.
I would understand that we were in a dystopian world where dollar holds no value in the market. I would then probably give it to the kids to make paper planes.
I've always said the first thing I'd do if I ever came into a large sum of money like that would be to buy my parents a house on the beach front in San Diego. Though with that kind of money I'd probably just have a custom home built for them.
Put away what's needed to pay the taxes, invest a majority, split the rest in half and donate half of it to charities of my choice and random Gofundmes I wanna help.
14bikes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:14:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would be instantly to and confused, then immediately look at stock and Bitcoin prices to see if my new money has destroyed the world economy with horrendous inflation.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:14:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably just pay off my debt. Then spend the rest of my life thinking about what to do with a trillion dollars. Maybe a nice coat from the flea market.
Cancel my impending mortgage, pay off mine and my wife's student loans, get in contact with some people about investing the remaining $999,999,800,000.
Hire respected and retired MI6 officer Christopher Steele to get back to work uncovering Kremlingate, with the full protection he needs from the GRU and any other 'private' security forces hired by Western parties.
feloser ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Microsoft and then bastardize it. I'm bitter because of not getting a job there.
I'd purchase all the vending machines. All of them. I'd make a killing.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy myself an island, get the best internet connection there is, build a small villa, a big ass weed plantage and a private jet to get myself some doritos and mountaindew for live
Keep 10, 15mil. Then pay off as many redditors college, education and housing debts as possible. Find some families with hard working but working poor with kids they would die for and give them 10 mil.
I'd honestly put it in my retirement funds, while keeping 100 dollars for me and donating a few thousand dollars to my friend to help her get back on her feet.
Sell my house, sell my car, pay off and divorce the wife, take the kids to a far away country and go off grid as best we can. Train a bear and ride that bitch through the woods. Buy a helicopter crew to restock us and feed us and all that but enjoy my own quiet living. Also buy a satellite for my own TV and Internet kinda thing as well. And also buy a hot teacher that teaches my kids.
I guess, to start, I'd buy a house and get it landscaped to basically be a permaculture food forest. Then I'd make sure my parents' house was paid off and buy my sister a house. I'd set up college funds for my nieces and future kids.
After that, I'd probably set up a few scholarships and fellowships for universities across the country. These would be four-year, full-ride scholarships for undergrads and full-tuition assistantships for grad students with a stipend of $50,000. I'd pay someone with more financial expertise than I do to figure out the maximum number of these scholarships I could provide indefinitely (or at least a good century): how much money would I need to leave unspent in order to gain interest on the remainder to keep the schools funded enough to continue offering the same number of scholarships minus one? (That one would be the money I live off of, about $60-75,000 a year.)
And then I'd go and work for one of those universities, teaching a section or two of writing each semester. (So not a lot, but enough to give me something to do.) Maybe I'd also take a class every now and then and keep on learning.
Aside from the usual family/friends etc -- Start a quest to end poverty, famine, and war, and do everything I could to help humanity achieve the status of a Type 2 civilization.
I'd buy like 100 remtal properties in San Francisco area and pay a guy 100k a year to maintain them. Guaranteed income for life, leaving me with $999,900,000,000. I'd probably give it all to SpaceX, on the condition that I get to go to Mars first.
I pay my mortgage, credit card, and car off. I make sure I'm completely square with all debtors, past and present. I buy my wife whatever building she wants for her theatre company and get her settled doing what she loves.
Then I start the process of paying off ~75% of the entire student loan debt owed by Americans. I'll probably start with those who owe the most and work my way down, but everyone sees at least 50% of their student loans vanish like a bad dream.
With the $50 million or so I have left over, I invest in local infrastructure and "sustainable city" efforts for Kansas City, MO. I help subsidize installation of electric car chargers, community gardens and more farmer's markets, and maybe pay the Metro a few million to give everyone free/"donation suggested" bus rides for a year. Try to get my fellow Kansas Citians addicted to environmental friendliness.
Caedro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:17:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can we work on getting this person a trillion dollars?
Get my money sorted in two a few different accounts, skip school, go on a online shopping spree, buy property on every continent, host a giant fck you to everybody party.
Pay all my debts, give everyone I care about 1,000,000, put 10,000,000 into savings, buy every bullshit thing I want, and put the rest into investments in green energy and dismantling the global fossil fuels infrastructure.
Just completely de-value gas, coal, oil, and anything that creates carbon emissions.
Pay off every debt of: my family out to the most removed cousin, my friends and their families, and pay off every single person in my neighborhood's mortgage.
Pay to install solar panels on every house of my family/friends and every family in my neighborhood, 500m fund in place to pay pg&e/other grid fees in perpetuity.
College tuition fund for: every single child related to me by blood from now to the end of time, every child my friends ever have and of course any friend or family member who wants to go back to school and every kid currently living in my neighborhood.
100% free healthcare for: all family members, all friends and their families as well.
Basic income fund for: friends and family as above.
100 million dollar donation to my old high school on the condition that it all goes towards maintaining/expanding their music and arts departments + the library and computer labs forever.
100 million dollar donation to the local community college with the same stipulation as above.
100 million dollar donation to the public library co-op network of the San Joaquin Valley - maintain/expand clause ofc.
An additional 50m a piece to the three above towards installing solar panels + energy storage on every square inch of rooftop available to them.
100 million dollars donated to my city on the condition that it be used only to maintain infrastructure i.e. Roads and public transit system.
1 billion dollar fund in every state to pay for every child's school lunch.
5 billion dollars to pay for professors to write textbooks on every conceivable subject from 1st grade to college and give it away for free. Quality control will be the highest priority.
1 billion dollar fund in every state set up to keep every animal shelter no-kill, and to help fund every animal rescue and sanctuary.
1 billion dollar fund in every state to help maintain our national parks/campground/trails.
Found a new city exclusively for the residents of Flint, Michigan. This is of course a massive undertaking, and besides a broad generalization I have no actual idea of the astounding amount of money necessary to see it thru.
Buy the Philadelphia Eagles and move them to San Diego but call them the Philadelphia Eagles of San Diego... Philadelphia Eagles for short. Hire Chip Kelly as grand moff of football operations. Sell team to enterprising chinese billionaire for a song and dance.
Buy Dallas Cowboys from Jerry Jones (every man has his price) keep his son as de facto President/GM. Jason Garrett gets a 20 year extension. Tony Romo becomes QB Coach/offensive assistant/passing game coordinator.
Buy the warshington redskins and move them to Philadelphia. Keep the name.
Buy the New York Giants and Jets and swap their names but keep everything else in place.
Buy out Roger Goodell's contract and hire Barack Obama as commissioner.
100 million dollar tuition fund for aspiring guitarists/bassists/vocalists.
Build my own medium music venue ~1000 or so capacity. Charge no fees to host shows all proceeds go directly to the bands.
Buyout an old warehouse and convert 2/3 of it into practice space for musicians. As many 30x30 soundproofed rooms as possible.
All free of charge.
Use the remaining third of that warehouse and Found my own record label and recording studio. Any band that plays at my venue gets free studio time if they so choose. All proceeds go directly to bands.
Build a bbq/mexican restaurant that also does pizza and grilled cheese. House specialty will be a smoked Tri-Tip roast wrapped in maple bacon and stuffed with cream cheese and jalapeรฑos.
Build a bakery adjacent to the bbq joint to supply it with all the breads it needs. Will also specialize in cookies and muffins.
Adjacent to both of those will be a library and a cafe.
All employees of my various enterprises will get 100% free healthcare for themselves and their families, paid college tuition for their children, 50% matched 401ks and pensions when they retire.
I figure I should have anywhere from 100 to 300 billion leftover after all that. I will setup a 50 billion dollar fund for my personal discretion and figure out how to use the rest at a later date.
Hawaiian punch fountains will be mandatory in every building I own.
Pay off my debt, pay off my boyfriends debt, pay my boyfriends parents bills for a year, pay off my sisters debt and house, pay off her boyfriends debt, pay off my parents house and debt and bills for a year, by myself and my boyfriend decent reasonable cars, probably start a scholarship.
Also if I ever had hat much money I'd buy a farm and use it to rescue senior dogs and I'd hire ex prisoners to help rehab them and if they were passionate I'd pay for their schooling too.
If I woke up tomorrow with a trillion dollars, the first thing I would do is figure out how to provide free birth control for every woman on the planet. Then I would provide food. Then if probably be out of money ๐
Oh man.. I'd immediately quit both my jobs and travel the world til I got sick of it (I wouldn't).
Before I left though, I'd invest a few billion in some stocks, then spread another few hundred billion around in different accounts, mutual funds, etc..
I'd then take a billion to spread among my friends and family. 100 million each for every family member, but they'd get it in a trust fund over time, not all at once. I'd probably have everyone sign something agreeing to invest a certain percentage of it before they could accept the gift, with the exception of my grandparents, because they just need to live large with the time they have left. As far as giving to friends, I'd probably just take care of them here and there if they needed it or if I wanted them to be able to join me on certain vacations, etc.. Could always just buy them a year off or something to get them to quit their job and then just cover travel expenses.
As I travel the world I'd keep a journal about my favorite spots, then when I go around the world once or twice, I'll start buying property in my favorite places. Then, I'd invest in those local economies and try to do some good with my money by donating where I see fit and so on.
Depending on where I end up spending most of my time living, I'd then spend a good chunk of my funds in politics and lobbying for certain changes I'd like to see, but I'd hire people to deal with that shit. I'd do what I could to restore the EPA, maybe even fund them myself for a couple years if that's feasible, as well as NASA, I'd definitely throw billions their way for the sake of space exploration and such.
Buy seven massive plots of flat land in/near: southern California (probably between Red Rock Park and Edwards AFB), northwest Utah (probably Tooele County just south of I-80 halfway between SLC and the NV border), central Texas desert (near Goodfellow AFB maybe), Nebraska (damn near anywhere - it's freaking Nebraska), south Georgia (Thomasville area? idk), southern Wisconsin (outside of Platteville perhaps), and northern Pennsylvania (a bit NW of Scranton looks good) for $1-10 billion each
Install $100 billion worth of solar power generation in each location
Power America for super cheap - just enough to cover the cost of maintenance and 3% annual expansion
Use the remaining billions setting up electric vehicle charging stations nationwide
Hang out with Elon Musk and chat about how great it is to breathe clean air
Build out a basic deep space infrastructure including asteroid mining. That would probably go the furthest toward saving our species from itself.
Nazaki ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:19:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do I instinctively know I have 1 trillion dollars or do I have to open my bank account? Because I could not look at my account tomorrow and then it's just going to be another normal day.
Call a lawyer to see what my options are for disclosure, taxes, money transfer etc
Call a financial advisor. Invest that shit in mutual funds and stocks, maybe gold and whatever else the advisor seems to think is ok. I'd allocate about $100 million to start.
Medium Term:
Quit job
Invest in property, both land houses.
Find a charity or create a charity to drop a bunch of $$ into.
Disclose the true mass of my wealth as little as possible to family members and friends, but being to help with their debts.
Long term
Invest in life extension technologies, gene manipulation etc. Also invest in space technology. Become close-knit with high ranking individuals with power in these fields.
Live forever
Invest more and see the wealth grow infinitely
See death of Earth, move to another planet.
gtrays ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:20:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd try to end "common money issues", by fostering responsible money management skills, and work ethics around the world.
I could provide high-quality, up-to-date, and localized money management and work ethic trainings around the world. I'd pay anyone ~$100 who passes the training, it'd be a share of the interests accruing on whatever is left after providing these trainings.
If done right, this could be set up to occur every year indefinitely.
Pay off all debt, invest, give my parents a few million, give my brother a few million, same with my cousin and best friends. Move to my dream city, to my dream place, and just hang out for a while until I'm bored. Then jump back into the work force, and coast forever, happily.
I still have my first car, an old Ford Escort 4 speed manual transmission from 1986. I would completely pimp it out and put a big "No Fear" sticker on the back window. Then I would slowly cruise the town in my fully pimped out chick magnet.
Disappear. Poof. Get in my truck and drive somewhere no one will find me for a really long time. Chill there for a while, and come up with more of a plan. Which will probably start with paying off my auto loan and other debt.
Pay off student loans, buy a new house/car/video game consoles, put aside money for TAXES, start a trust, hire a financial adviser, make sure I was solid for life, travel, pick out 3-5 favorite charities, invest, probably quit my job so I can sleep more
Pay off all my debts. Pay off all my partner's debts. Build a house. Pay off mine and my partner's families' debts and mortgages. See the world, see everything. Have a big family of our own. Have lots of pets. Be happy.
luxmoa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:20:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing. Just nothing. Everyday. Until I die.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to fucking sleep because I don't need to go into work anymore.
100 billion+ Medical/scientific research, and environmental preservation/clean energy. Start a foundation for proper housing for homeless worldwide, and create a support foundation that actually fucking helps countries in need rather than just pocketing an insane amount of donation and profit. Buy all the shit I've ever dreamed of having (not that it'll cost that much.), work on fixing American education and getting proper funding for Public schooling, etc etc etc.
I was going to say that I would donate it all to the US, pay off its debt and go down in history as a hero... but then I looked it up and found out the US is over 20 trillion in debt. So I guess I would start by paying off my own debt.
I would fund as many art programs as I could. Theatres, museums, etc. I'd invest some money to pay off loans and such. The rest? Well... let's just say Back to the Future 4 is going to be really, really good.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy NYC real estate and charge charging reasonable housing prices.
Research lawyers and financial advisors to make sure I get good ones
Get said lawyer/financial advisor
Follow their advise for investing/saving (I mean, if I play my cards right, I can live off of the interest gained on that much money for the rest of my life)
Put in my two weeks at work
Buy some "fun stuff" (no more than 50k worth, probably much less)
Give a good amount to my parents so they can pay off their debt.
Ditto MIL
Enjoy never having to worry about money again unless I lose my mind and start buying things I don't need or living stupidly extravagantly
foopyx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is a great response for $1 Million.
But...
One Trillion Dollars $1,000,000,000,000 - If you spent one dollar per second, in a day you would spend $86,400. Over the course of a year, your spending would come to more than $31.5 million. At that rate of spending, it would take you over 32,000 years to spend one trillion dollars. (A trillion = 1000 billion.)
Right, but my gut instinct is to just throw money at causes I want to help which could quickly drain that money more than just buying things for myself (oh, Planned Parenthood is getting defunded, time to give them $5 billion).
I'm at least smart enough to recognize that I need to talk to some experts about getting a plan in place (maybe the plan includes a yearly $1 billion charity donation split up amongst a few causes I want to support).
foopyx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I see what you mean, that is smart!
Only $1billion a year? You could do that for a thousand years lol!
Well, that assumes I spend $0 on anything else the entire year, which I find unlikely. :P
But yeah, it'd be to get a good budget plan in place. I mean, I like to think I'm pretty decent at budgeting, but when working with numbers this large, the scale is daunting, especially when my goal would be to never have to work again unless I wanted to.
Aside from the shock, I would start funding my inventions. I have dozens of ideas that I believe could become a reality if I only had the funding. Then on to funding all the projects I've wanted to create. After that, paying off debts of all of my family, and setting up education funds for my younger siblings and nieces. Then paying off the homes of all of my close relatives. Quit my job, enroll myself in higher education, and before Fall classes start take my fiance and daughter out to Cali, buy a home and a really big boat, and start sailing.
How do I find out that I now have a trillion dollars? Because if I have to check my bank balance, it's going to be a while before I find out, and I'm talking months.
Tear down all the vacant homes in Kansas City. Give everyone at KCFD(where I work) enough to pay off their houses, buy a new car, and pay for their kids college so they never have to be firefighters. Give their kids a chance to make good money and not sacrifice their lives and health for scraps while people with millions live off cavier and don't give two shits about us.
I always crack up reading these askreddit threads because its hilariously clear people have no idea what to do once they get past like 5 million dollars.
976chip ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:22:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire an accountant and a lawyer.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:22:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Very little, at first. As others have said, seek legal advice and move the money into secure places. I wouldn't even give it to a bank, unless it was in a secured vault. That much money could have an unpredictable effect on the world economy if I just threw it at the banks to play with. Over the next few years I would slowly ramp up my spending and living situation, gradually enough that no one would think I won the lotto and come kill me for my stack of cash. I would also write a detailed will asap in case the worst should happen.
I'd take Amtrak's Nat'l Park loop. Quit my job and go to school to learn about whatever I wanted to. Then travel some more. Oh, and get a dog.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:22:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd stay in bed and ignore all my obligations. When I finally get up, I'd buy the first flight to a tropical island and then find an island for sale somewhere nearby and buy that. Then I'd buy a sailboat and never go back to America.
Hire legal & financial advisors, body guards, & pilots. Purchase private jet and island with landing strip. Contract to have a massive complex built with everything I love to do: Go-cart track, laser-tag arena,
driving range, restaurants/bars, and everything adrenaline junkies desire. Bring my closest family and friends with me to said island, and live happily ever after.
Yell, "I'm riiich biiitch!" And spend as much as possible in as little time as possible both on personal items and to get myself off the grid and live like a kiiiing! Bring me your most beautiful wenches and your finest alcoholic beverages!!!
Probably figure out where it came from. Then get some lawyers because if I wake up super rich someone's going to want to sue me. Then get someone who knowsโ about the exonom to tell me what kind of impact I just had. Then get the most secure bank I can find. Then... Uh... Fund a bunch of research I guess.
I would lick all of it so it wouldn't get taken back.
qxxx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
at first: buy a house for me and my family... then travel the world and search for new ideas.. maybe start a family.. and also do something good for mankind. oh, and send a massive piece of shit to one of my coworkers for bullying me and other coworkers.
Tell no one, lie to my friends that I got a bullshit job doing effectively nothing online and now I can afford to pay for everyone's dinner and rounds of shots, etc.
Lie to my family about the actual quantity, pay off the house and all other debts. Buy my dad a new truck, my mom tickets to Wimbledon, and my brother tickets for every sports game and concert he can feasibly attend.
For myself, I'll put a couple dozen billion in an account for my personal use in the future, college tuition for my kids, a house, a bunch of guitars, etc. whatever I could possibly use in the span of my lifetime.
And then the rest I'll use to start fighting injustice in the world.
begin construction of my massive underground bunker.
mjaybe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pour money into the public education system. Pay teachers a living wage, hire mental health counselors, college counselors, career counselors, and more for high schoolers. I'd lower class sizes, add tutoring and after school programs, and rebuild curriculum. Family and financial planning classes would be requisite for all high school students.
For younger kids, I'd invest heavily in reading programs, hands on learning experiences, and disability services to catch reading/math/other problems as early as possible. Similar things would be offered to middle schoolers as high schoolers.
Then I would invest money in better public transit. I love taking the bus to work but there's some bad design elements in place. I'd also focus some on adult education and retraining. Resettlement from rural areas to cities would be offered and the land would be purchased and then turned into private parks for environmental research.
Ideally, my future is highly educated, environmentally friendly, and carless.
Supplementing key nutrients and providing minimal vaccines for a child costs maybe a hundred dollars a year. Through year 16, that's ~$1600 per person.
There are 165 million chronically malnourished children in the world. For less than a third of that money, you could ensure that an entire generation of very poor children grows up much healthier than their parents. And, since childhood malnutrition leads to both physical and cognitive impairments, that's a whole generation that will be able to invest more physical and mental labor into improving their situations.
Find the best PTSD therapy program in existence and put myself in it.
Put most of it in savings, use most of it to buy a two houses, one for my boyfriend and I, one for my mom and siblings. Get my sisters the intensive therapy that they need too. After therapy with advice from long term therapists, find good careers that they will enjoy. Then pursue my dream career.
Open a health insurance company and cover all Americans fully until it runs out.
petcson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:24:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job and start playing the guy i making my game with to make games with me full time in stead of after work. After that we'd slowly start highering people. First a PR guy to help us with our current game. Then eventually we'd got another programmer and a level designer 3d artist.
Before any of that is pay for a cruise for my wife and I.
I wonder what the best country you could buy lock stock and barrel would be. I'll go as high as 750 billion, I need some left over for operating costs.
Honestly I would set myself up real good with a few houses and a trust fund, just take one billion for myself. The rest of it I would just invest in Space-X's mars project.
geoffvo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:25:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drop 10 million in a bank account then start taking applications from people on how to spend the rest. Probably a lot of food/growing research.
Disappear, inviting those worthy of living in my new utopia free from the bullshit of large societies. It would truly be the happiest place on earth. If it's on earth...
First things first I wouldn't tell anyone and I certainly wouldn't tell amyone how much I had. I don't need shitty people climbing out of the wood work looking for "loans". First I would probably set some aside to invest. Not that I would ever need to work again anyways but the rich get richer so I would take advantage of that. I would then set up my life how I want it. House/condo in the city buy season tickets to stuff. Orchestrate a lie of a job that I have. Also buy a lot of drugs. Maybe buy the Chicago Bears so I can throw money at them and make them relevsnt again. Buy a new car. Well an old car. 69 442 that's the car I was brought home from the hospital in when I was born. Also buy every magic card I want. 5x playsets of goyf and snapcaster and black lotus and shit. I could start my own comic book shop and bankroll it all. I could spend a million dollars a day and not make a dent. I would buy all of applebees give everyone a 300k severence and then close every fucking Applebees. I would hire a full time nurse to live with my nana and I would pay a plastuc surgeon to make my dad less fat. Buy my mom and dad a new house. Buy a missle silo and turn it into a sweet pad to wait out the apocalypse. Buy another car and another hpuse. Buy a dog and make oy the happiest dog ever. And then everyday I would play video games and hang out with a dog. I would donate to charity like curing cancer cause my fiance had a cancer scare and it was the worst time of my life Fuck you cancer you stupid bitch. I would buy my parents a summer house. Also I would never buy like huge mansions just nice houses. Except the silo that would be a swank for the eventual death of the world. I would hire cleaning services to clean my homes those chores are for poor people. Also I would buy party house to throw stupid parties in and kick holes in the walls anf shit and just pay someone to fix em. I would eat at so many restaurants it woukd be great. If see Broadway shows and chance the rapper in one night and also smoke weed with killer mike. How much does it cost to fly to space? Me and my friends are gunna do that. Would I have enough to solve world hunger? Lets find out. I could keep going but my lunch breaks over.
This is the kind of money that generates its own money. Put it in a bank account and live off the interest. Invest it in the stock market and make it spike up overnight. Sell the next day and make it plummet. You literally have the power to control the economy
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:25:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But this house I've had my eye on for a while.
Set up trust for each of my kids.
To get family to fuck off I'd set aside 250 mil and say here you go it's in a trust you get a monthly allowance. There are conditions. Such as go to jail for a felony other than weed. It's gone be good. You get no more if this runs out.
Find campaigns to legalize weed.
Get some really nice speakers.
Buy 5 sweet rides.
Private jet cause I can I guess.
Buy all of the NFL and make them wear dresses.
Open a casino. I like casinos.
Fund some free private schools.
Get a nice gaming rig.
Oh and I really like this one guy on reddits paintings so I'd commission some from him.
Then I'd get started. I'd buy a company and hire top people. I would give no real goal or tell them what they do but I'd pay well above the average. And some days I'd come in and be like what do we got how are we doing. I'm very curious what that company does.
Oh and blow I'd do so much blow
keplar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:26:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First off, $400 Billion is getting set aside for taxes. I donโt know where this money came from, and if Iโm being allowed to keep it, itโs all income. Obviously I will be working my butt off with accountants to try and minimize the tax load based on the enormous charitable donations and such that Iโm going to be doing, but from the get go Iโm going to assume 40% is untouchable. Whatever is saved from taxation will go in to the funds for long term investment and future donation.
I would finance a whole new, private, version of the Apollo Program, focused on launching modern probes to every planet and moon in the solar system, on constructing a colony on the Moon, and on achieving manned spaceflight to Mars. The total costs for the Apollo Program, adjusted for inflation, ended up being around $200 Billion. Weโve become more efficient since then, but this is a bit more ambitious, so Iโll leave the price at that.
I would invest $150 Billion (providing $7.5 Billion per year, per the same calculation as above) to create and endow a new research facility equivalent to CERN and the LHC. That would easily cover the construction costs in one year (CERN was about $4.75 Billion to build), and would pay of the annual operating costs (around $5.5 Billion per year).
I would donate $50 Billion (to provide $1 Billion per year) to the Smithsonian Institution, to cover their annual operating budget (currently requested budget is $922 Million), which is perpetually getting reduced and held up for political purposes in Congress.
About $50 Billion would be to purchase equipment directly given to fire departments around the country. There are approximately 58,150 fire stations in the US, and for this price, I should be able to give each one a fully equipped new pumper, and a fully equipped new ambulance for those stations that house one (pricing is variable, but around $600k for a pumper and a quarter million for an ambulance, is not unreasonable)
A fund of $50 Billion would be established to finance ongoing operations of various charitable and personal interests, which are too numerous to mention individually, and would be expenditures ranging from a few hundred thousand to a billion or two at a time. On the higher and non-charitable end, I would own or part-own one or more professional sports franchises. In the mid-range, I would support โcoloniesโ for talented individuals and specialists in various fieldsโฆ artistsโ colonies, scientistsโ colonies, historiansโ colonies, etc. On the less expensive side, there would be regular donations to animal shelters and wildlife rescues, food kitchens, theatres, and other good causes.
The remaining $100 Billion would be pure investments for income that could be used as I pleased. Among other things, I would buy an absolutely vast amount of land, would have a castle built, with the worldโs largest private library, and would hire a full time staff with excellent wages and benefits. I would have a vineyard, and probably would spend my days doing what I like to do nowโฆ puttering around building computers, gaming, and reading.
There are some things even a trillion dollars can't do (It couldn't pay off all the mortgage debt in America - more than $8 Trillion, and it couldn't give full rides to all American college students forever - currently we spend $400 Billion per year on tuition), but it is enough to achieve some of the greatest technological advancements in the history of mankind, and I'm happy to try and do that!
I would drop out of college, take my girlfriend, travel around the world and volunteer.
somecow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:26:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay taxes before I spend it all. Pay off my student loans and what's left of my credit card debt. Get a passport and take a god damn vacation. Keep my job (because why not, can't just sit at home forever). Maybe buy a house. And go eat at a really nice restaurant, or hell, start my own.
pay off my entire families debt. realize that barely put a dent in it, in the grand scheme.
set up multiple accounts with approximately how much tuition at the most expensive college i can find would be (and hope the interest would cover inflation when they finally get used)
new house, 2 new cars (one with the best gas mileage i can find, 1 thats cool as all hell)
$2,000 PC. a monster. a thing that wont need upgrading for years.
uhh...
ryphix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:26:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give 90% of it to Elon Musk cause he has better ideas than me. I just wanna be invited to see the stuff he does.
Use the remaining 10% on myself for stuff, immediate family and set up ways for my future generations to make use of it for education and what-not.
Buy the U.S. government. Every last senator, house member, governor, even the president. Then I would force them to enact a constitutional amendment to get money out of politics, so no one else can do it. But not before they legalize all drugs.
Higher a lawyer, then eventually a broker so that nothing is in cash, just investments
I would then put a large chunk into National Parks budgets, and reseeding Rainforests. Aids and Cancer research, specifically on that of Mammary, Prostate and Pancreas. Pay off my debt, finish college, get a doctorate in whatever the hell I want so people have to call me "Doctor", buy a 1992 Jeep Wrangler, a Neo Geo game system, propose to my girlfriend with the most expensive black opal ring ever, buy a house in every state and some parts of Canada and Australia.
Open a film/TV production company so that I can make my dreams a reality. Maybe open a first year tuition free university and be qualified to teach. And definitely try every drug for the hell of it.
Get a Corgi and name him Captain Sir Issac Dracula Wellington Sr. And his girlfriend, Lutenent Miss Daisy Chrisanthim. Dracula and Daisy for short. (Technically, this is already going to happen without the Trillion, but I would make sure of this.)
With my remaining $700 billion+, I'll figure out something. Maybe wipe the debt of 15 random people a week or so. Or become a super hero.
If it's actually mine, and it's not going to taken away as so cruel joke when i go to buy things. The first thing I'd do is explain to the damn bank that I'm still the only one in control of my account, then I'd send my parents enough money for them to never have to work again, as well as a few other family members. Then I'd pay off all of my student debt.
I think then I'd get ready go out to town and buy a big box of cigars, then get my friends together and get hammered.
Whatever is left the next day I'd buy myself a nice house or 3, aswell as some nice cars, as well as all the gadgets i ever wanted. and invest the rest.
I'd probably pay back my parents for all the luxuries I got and took for granted. Pay back my dad for my university fees. Buy a pick up truck and house to be comfortable in. Take half of the money and invest it or something like that? And then enrol for all the degrees i want! (I'm a sucker for knowledge)
Then when I have time, I'd go around and help people out with their money problems. Whatever problems they might have.
Am I getting this in cash? I don't know if a trillion dollars in cash would fit in my house.
Jaygoon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
run for president. he didn't win a shit ton of money over night, but by damned cheeto hitler is now the leader of the free world.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest about 900 billion in a cure for chronic idiopathic urticaria and angioedema.
Live ain't worth living even with 100 billion dollars if your average day is spent itching, sweating and having trouble even walking when your feet are swollen.
Set aside a billion for myself and friends and give the rest away. However I would make it my job to find these people and give to them in unique ways. Like sit at a diner and listen to the waitstaff vent to each other only to get off of their shift at 1am and find a duffle bag of money in their back seat. I would love to do this.
lovejo1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to congress and bribe them to do true tax and medical reform.
I'd pay half if they'd agree to implement the "Fair Tax" system.
Ctheo3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy the Bruins for ~2-5 Billion because that's about what it would take to get Jeremy Jacobs out of there. And then fire Cam Neely, replacing him with Bill Belichick who will be paid roughly 50 million per year. I'd also consider buying the Canadiens and moving them to Quebec City or Seattle just for shits. With the rest, I'd do the usual. Travel the world, set aside a lot for education and livelihood of my family. Start with philanthropy. Maybe buy a house in all the popular cities. Learn to fly, get some jets and helicopters.
Revircs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate $20 billion to space exploration/research (also, so I can go to space please), $10 billion to further climate change research / awareness, start up a fund for interesting research projects that people need funding for, say up to $100 billion over 5 years, then re-evaluate.
Build a huge house/garage/workshop in the middle of nowhere with tons of land so I can do whatever I want, a nice collection of cars - oh and I'd get a private racetrack.
Definitely get a jet, nothing too huge. And learn to fly it. And helicopters. And a submarine.
Immediately tell my 2 or 3 closest friends. And give them a few mil because why not. Put in my two weeks at work and pretend like I didn't just become a billionaire.
I'd google search "legalized marijuana + google fiber" and wherever both of those are found I'd move to and do the same thing I did yesterday. If more than one such place exists I'd go for whichever place is colder.
I was just thinking about this. I would find a one room apartment, cover the floors and walls in soft colorful fabric like an Afghan blanket or something, order the same meals everyday and never work for anyone except myself.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would pay off my debt and hire someone to finish my home projects (which I can't afford to do currently). I would pay off my friends' and boyfriend's debts (I actually have some wealthy friends so.....we'll see.) I'd give each of my (5) friends the same amount. I'd give my boyfriend more. I'd quit my job and take years? off to travel. Back at home after vacation, I'd sell my house and buy something small (under 900 sqft because my current 1400 is too much for one person and her dog) with 20+ acres somewhere warmer than Michigan (and hire someone to take care of it, depending on the type of land). Then I'd focus on my hobbies, go back to college for fun (take classes in interesting things, not just career-minded). I would keep enough of the money so that I could live frugally but comfortably and also as a safety net for emergencies, medical bills, etc.
And I would donate a SHIT-TON of that money. I would probably set up college funds for underprivileged kids in my city, donate to local non-faith-based community organizations, etc. I would also donate to international non-faith-based organizations that do things like provide clean water, birth control, strive for womens' empowerment, work with animals/environmental issues, etc.
To me, being รผberwealthy and giving it away sounds like absolute FUN to me. Sure, setting up the organizations and red tape would be work, but I could hire people. I dunno, it just sounds like a win win. Seeing myself make an actual impact on others' lives would make me really happy, I think.
sage142 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I will place 75% of it in U.S Treasury bonds resulting in a comfy $2,025,000,000 in interest a year(this is before it is taxed). Then I would buy a ticket to a year long round the world cruise under an alias. With the cost of the cruise I would also give myself a 10 million dollar budget for the year. Then the rest of my cash I would invest with Space X. After my cruise is over and I collect my first year of interest I would then buy a ranch and hire a highly trained security detail. For the rest of my days, I would dedicate my time to helping Elon Musk get us to Mars Bitches!
Pay off my husband's student loan debt. Pay off my credit card debt. Pay off my Mother's debt. Pay off my Mother's house. Purchase a home in cash. Decorate said home. Buy new cars for myself and my husband. Travel more. Establish a trust fund for future children. Donate and fund women's health centers. Sponsor a few scholarships. Invest the rest and live off of the dividends.
Keep a billion to spend and share among family. Create an endowment for the rest with the first recipient being PBS and eliminating pledge drives forever, or at least the remainder of my life.
ofcd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire a lawyer to do the following things: Donate most of it anonymously to various causes that deal with civil rights, education, and environmental concerns. Quietly pay off both of my parent's houses, set aside some money for my little sister and a few of my friends for college, set up a scholarship, give out grants for research, and then lock the little remaining up tight.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How much would it cost to give free college education across the US? Cause I'd like to do that.
tyled ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Setup a couple of people I know so they would be set for life. Lounge around with the rest. Who needs to work? I would probably workout in my newly acquired spare time so I could at least appear to be a somewhat attractive trillionaire. Pretty much just travel, eat at good places, and kick it with the famous people.
No one has a trillion dollars. No one has a billion dollars. Some people have ownership of property worth billions of dollars.
The chief question is: Is this public knowledge? If no, relax. If yes, hire a lot of security immediately.
Your governments will start taking a large share. Just sign it over to them. That takes care of about half.
You now own about half a trillion dollars. There is about 6 trillion in the actual money supply. The NYSE has about 15 trillion in supposed value.
[There are 60 major stock exchanges in the world with a total value of 69 trillion dollars.](www.visualcapitalist.com/all-of-the-worlds-stock-exchanges-by-size/) So converting this cash value over time into actual wealth, owning equity in companies in the world, can happen over time. How much time would probably be decided by a committee. It would cause a boost in stock prices for a while. Then things would settle down. After all , you only have 500 billion to inject into a 69 trillion dollar market.
Your next question is what to do with it. Bill Gates has some good ideas and would probably welcome help. Or you could decide we will have a colony somewhere off Earth. There are schemes for continuous solar power using satellites and microwave transmission. You might be able to offer to help change the increase in carbon dioxide driving climate change but you could not pay for it yourself.
So many things... Firstly talk to my banker buddy about investing and shit.
- Two chicks at the same time, man.
- Buy a sweet house.
- Like...Billions to charity and foreign Aid.
- Buy a large property to build a badass Zeppelin Hangar
- Hire people to build me a huge badass Zeppelin.
- Travel the world in the truest Luxury vehicle.
- I suppose I'd need some sort of lift card attached to the thing, so I can go from ship to ground.... and a full time pilot and a couple crew. Whatevs, I can afford it.
hallese ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:31:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:31:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a Switch, the new Legend of Zelda, pay off all my student debt and the tuition for the next 3 years, and put the rest in an account. Also buy my own TV for my room.
I would live comfortably once I am done with College and move out on my own. No huge mansion, just a nice sized house. Maybe a nice car, a few things of my own, and live life simple for the most part. No need to go crazy and spend a ton of money on all kinds of things. Start doing that and I think you will start losing track of what is important.
Assuming it was not a mistake, I'd quit my job... duh. Help my family out a bunch, invest a whole lot, find some charities or possibly start one, buy my first home and get a new car, nothing too fancy, just not the 2 second hand ones we have (one of which is broken down at the moment).
Then, I would travel the world starting with visiting the in-laws in the UK.
EMSEMS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:31:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give it all to education resources around the world. My generation may be screwed but think of where we could be in just 100 years if education had unlimited funding. People want to be remembered for doing something big, this is something big.
I'd pay to bring back Harambe! Harambe be lit boys and girls. He was the one true friend I ever had. I have written multiple poems and performed many rituals promoting his existence.
Go right back to sleep. A nice deep sleep with the comfort of knowing I have no financial concerns. No job concerns. No mortgage payment concerns.
Zzzzzzzz
A dude in Alberta woke up to over 500 million in his bank account.
He reported the error because it would have not only crippled the bank, but the entire provice and or country..
I just want to wake up to triple digits in my account.
moshi24 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:32:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think I'd start handing out $100,000.00 to anyone with a great idea to change the world for the better. Then, I'd monitor their progress. When I see them working towards and achievable goal, I'd fund it fully to ensure it happens.
I'd also invent a way to make all my favourite unhealthy foods completely healthy and taste the exact same. With that amount of money, I can make it happen.
After that. I'd just do whatever the hell i wanted.
This will get lost for sure, but there's a 2001 novel called "1 Trillion Dollars" by German author Andreas Eschbach.
It's exactly your premise. A guy randomly inherits a trillion dollars.
I don't know anything about world economics and stuff, so to me it seemed very well written and I learned a bit about how all that works and intertwines. Kind of. I read it a few years ago, don't remember it exactly.
First, hire a lawyer. Then, buy myself some politicians and work on fixing the issues in the US political system by working through the system to fix it, like repealing citizens united. Then, use a hundred billion or so to boost the solar and wind industries. Then donate another hundred billion to fixing major issues, similar to what Bill Gates does. I'd also invest 100 billion so that I would have a constant supply of enough cash to continue to enact change. Then use what remains to fund a mars program.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:34:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my student loans. Buy my my mom a house. Buy an O and take my best mates out for a over priced dinner.
Rob1150 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:35:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy an O
??
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:36:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make sure it wasn't a mistake first! Then, well, it would be Christmas for a few of our close friends, my mom & hubby's mom, and our kids! Every person who helped us out throughout our lives, would benefit! Of course I would spend on some frivolities, like a new wardrobe and shoes, lol. I would also overstock our pantry, so we would never be low on food again! I would start a green energy company, that builds wind turbines and solar panels. I would build my home from all green materials, I would invest in green cars, I would make it count.
First, tell my mom I got 1 trillion dollars. Try to make a reasonable of how we'll spend the money. And then go to school because I love my friends and like my school so I would probably not move states of whatever for the next two years.
I would buy a new laptop, a new headphone and buy whatever I need and feel like buying. I would begin planning a trip oversears in July and try the max to keep by dad on his job, because if he thinks like "I'm rich, no work" I will kill him. We can't afford to be rich one second and spent it all.
I would just live my life with more luxuries, and also, buy a gigantic safe and think of very hard lock combination, I don't wanna be robbed.
Then I'd start renaming beers, and getting rid of the crap. So there'd be beers called DeathSpot's Favorite Stout (that one might have to stay Guinness) and DeathSpot's Lager For Football Games In The Fall, and DeathSpot's Summer Picnic IPA, and stuff like that.
Not tell anyone and quietly invest almost all of it in safe, but low interest stock options. I could easily live off of "low interest" of a few hundred billion. The remainder I'd probably buy a new house somewhere safe but still nice with a decent amount land.
Oh and I'd throw a pizza party. Nothing fancy. Just some pizzas, breadsticks, pop and beer with my friends. Wouldn't tell them why, of course.
Probably quit my job at the movie theater... And then buy it.
Buy apartments/houses in some of my favorite cities, buy 100+ Acres of land and start an energy efficient homestead, build a tidy neighborhood of small houses for my close friends to live in.
Give everyone in my family enough to live comfortably but not enough to get stupid with, set up accounts for my nieces and nephews that they can't access until they're beyond being stupid teenagers/young adults. Pay off all of my friend's debts + a few hundred thousand to get started.
Fund Planned Parenthood, PBS, NPR, National Parks, some other conservation groups, donate most of the rest to alleviate world issues (water security, refugee situations, environmental protections). Probably do some research about how best to swing the political clout that comes with wealth....
Keep a few million for personal use. Travel, pursue my hobbies, maybe move to a foreign country for a few years.
cephias ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:35:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off the house, buy the family annual passes to Disney, put money in the bank and off shore accounts. I could do nice things for people quietly. Most importantly, I'd tell no one.
The amount of good you could do with that money. I'd start up a nfp building homes for the homeless in my country and donate a few billion to charities like UNICEF, WWF, and Doctors Without Borders. Pay off the remaining mortgages for my parents and buy them the car they've been saving for years to get. Then I'd buy myself a nice house and a triumph thruxton R.
I give 500 Billion to Bill Gates to dole out as he pleases to whatever causes he wants and then give 499 billion to Elon Musk to make cool shit and then I go be a billionaire
Get a lawyer/financial advisor. Then I'd aim to hire someone to figure out the healthcare system in the U.S. If that means my money subsidizes insurance / medical professionals to bridge the gap to the new system, then so be it. Hopefully $1 Trillion would be enough ...
scemcee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:36:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Save 10 million to live off of, and donate the rest to Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, probably.
I'd buy a new house, get an Aston Martin DB5, get a French bulldog, buy like 10 other houses and become a landlord and last but not least I'd spend the rest of my days as a mechanic, working on cars
Be a philanthropic sunovabitch; start after school programs for kids to teach positive skills. Build decent low income housing. Start or buy a bunch of small businesses to make and bring jobs to the area.
Give my parents a couple million with the stipulation that at least a quarter of it goes for my dad's garage. Same with the in-laws. Build my dreamhouse; a berm house made of a bunch of shipping containers welded together.
Fund campaigns for candidates who would never otherwise have a chance.
As long as it wasn't illegally obtained, I would pay off all my student loans, buy a house, set a couple million aside for my kid in an investment account, buy me and Husband new cars. I'd invest in retirement funds and accounts for us as well (even if we divorced in the future I'd still want him taken care of). I would also probably buy other property in addition to that.
I would pay my best friends loans off too and buy them new cars and give them money to live somewhere they actually want to live.
Frivolous stuff? I want one of those swanky HGTV-style gardens where I can grow my plants and it has a saltwater pool. And a really nice hammock. I'd also want to travel back home to the Midwest and take a summer vacation there and visit my extended family and friends.
Basically, it would literally improve my life and the lives of those around me if I woke up with that much money.
Buy dream houses upon mountain tops in every major city in the world complete with batcave. Marry Dillon Harper, Stephanie Corneliussen, and Ronnie Fornstedt. Invest in technology to harvest mineral resources from nearby asteroids meanwhile being on a continuous mushroom trip buying anything and everything I could ever want.
Vyhskt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:37:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a passionate hatred for advertising. It is seemingly impossible to escape. One of my fantasies for having a nearly endless supply of money, or in this case, one trillion dollars, is to buy every single advertising space in my city available, and replace it with a dead pan picture of my face, with no text. Every single billboard, local magazine ad, TV commercials, I would outbid all competitors and pay whatever it took to own all the ad space. I don't know what kind of social effects this would have, but at least all the ads would be gone.
Buy an ice selling company, put the rest of the money into an offshore account. Write off loses for the "accidents" your drivers had while en route to a ice delivery in Texas or any other hot state.
Donate all of it to NASA and space travel and study under the agreement that me and my girlfriend get gold star security clearance and can check out all the space stuff and get a free joyride to space and back redeemable one time in the next 5 years.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:37:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd hire a private tutor and professional editors to make sure I never misspell common words.
Probably keep doing what I'm doing anyway and not tell anyone for awhile.
Once I have a bit more income I'd start donating to (or start my own) charities and research for things that would immediately and/or within the foreseeable future benefit humanity. Having a moment's reprieve can make a world of difference to someone and the world needs answers to questions we haven't thought to ask yet.
I would do absolutely nothing out of the ordinary in my personal life the first year or so other than put in a 2 months notice with a quant but unassuming reason for leaving.
Secretly i would start creating an underground fortress/super science laboratory to create cures, genetic enhancements, future breakthroughs. I would set up secret retirement accounts/trust funds for everyone important to me. I would begin recruiting top scientists in their fields and begin researching gene editing that would create fixes to eliminate common genetic illnesses and even some to create incredibly hardy and radiation resistant humans for space travel.
I'd also have a pretty sweet rec center in the lair and send postcards to friends and family from places so they think I am traveling.
Pay off debt, buy a house and yard for my children. A babysitter -- no, a Montessori daycare for them to go to -- and surgery for myself for a number of health issues. Buy a family car, SUV or minivan. Tons of healthy food stocked and a personal trainer and psychologist for myself. Two college funds for the kids. A nice savings account for all of us. Much needed dental care for myself. Yep, that's what I'd do. I would consider taking a vacation since I haven't had one in years.
bigsie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:37:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably waffle over the question of telling anyone about it. I mean, I guess I'd probably tell my wife, but maybe beyond that I'd just quietly set up trusts for everyone else in our collective families so they wouldn't have to worry about money anymore.
If I decided not to tell anyone, I'd probably go out and get some hookers and blow. Yah, def hookers and blow. Then tell wife.
Keep 10 billion for living a life that I could not even imagine and put the rest into issues in the community that I felt needed more attention. Then when I die I'd put the remaining money into whatever issue I value most rather than giving it to family members and friends. Money is a tool and should go into more important things than ones ego.
I am sitting in a hostel in Madrid right now. I would probably go on the walking tour tomorrow and just not bother with that return flight to the USA on Monday.
Become a philanthropist and finally feed the poor; hire a malitia on full pay roll to guard my trucks of food entering West Africa and the advancement of their infrastructure (at least $100 billion.)
Find my ten worst enemies and end their suffering...by lifting the burden of their debts and to show them that we can live in peace.
It's too much money IMO since I couldn't even think of all the things I'd buy or do since I'd imagine I'd be more capable then most of the world's elites at that point since it's all money.
I would probably need to break it up into multiple accounts so as to not lose my money due to banking errors, and eventually await the IRS coming to kill me for not declaring it.
There are lots of nice things I'd do, but the one seriously asshole thing I would do is as follows:
I'd probably give -- for starters -- $1MM to each of several hundred organizations I admire: food banks, universities, anti-civil forfeiture groups, health care things, etc.; and I would write them all a letter saying, "you are awesome, here is $1MM!!"
But there are some organizations I don't like -- I needn't mention them -- and those guys would also get a letter saying, "you are awesome, here is $1MM!!" -- but I would enclosure a check for $1,000. Then when they call to say, "hey you shorted me $999K!" I'd make a Nelson Muntz "HA-HA!" yell and hang up. Hell, I'd hire Nancy Cartwright to do it for me.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off all debt immediately. Hire a financial adviser. Live modestly. Never worry again.
I would (research to see if I can afford it first) cover all the pharmaceutical, dental, eye care, physiotherapy, etc. costs for all the people in my country (Canada). Then I would set up a meeting with all of the premiers of all of the Canadian provinces and territories and tell them that I'm doing this on a sliding scale. It's 100% covered for x years, then I'm only covering 90% for the next y years, then 80% for another y years and continuing to decrease it down to nothing. My hope is that this would give them time enough to find the money to continue it. It would really really be free healthcare for everyone. It doesn't have to be pretty (I personally see nothing wrong with dental cleanings done by students and having to share a hospital room with another person) but it would mean that people could afford the medications they need without the additional stress associated with the cost. I would make it available to all citizens and permanent residents on the condition that they are or get fully vaccinated. And the condition for the government would be that they ban all not scientifically proven therapies such as chiropractic, homeopathic, etc. care.
And as you can see the power would likely start to go to my head and I would enforce other practical rules that I feel are a good idea...such as a test proving you are mentally and financially capable of having a child before you would be allowed to do so.
Sit on my arse for the rest of my life and play vidja games, probably stream it but I wouldn't put much effort into that either, most likely. Get takeout every day.
Give some smart fuckers half my money and live off the profit/interest. Give the other half minus a few dozen million to charity.
exitmud ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to work like nothings happened.
Get stuff done over the weekend.
That is more than double the total GDP of North Korea since 1970. Hard to fathom how much money that is. If I carried around stacks of $10,000 and gave 100 stacks away every day for 50 years, it wouldn't make a significant dent in my cash flow. I would definitely have to buy an island and staff it with 10,000 of my closest friends. Maybe I would restore Tikal to its formal glory and move there.
Host and play in a ssbm locale tournament every week til I die.
Rest of money goes to fucking various terminal diseases as well as promoting safe driving. Cancer and drunk driving are some things I want to turn into history.
I'd kill every last one of you and desecrate your corpses...
... OK, maybe I'm just having a bad week.
Thysguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:39:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be completely honest, and operating under the assumption that the money has been obtained legally and that its also been taken care of tax wise, I'd pay off what's left of my student loans, (my college closed before I could finish my degree) and buy a nice house. No mansion, that's too large, but a nice one, maybe in the Midwest but outside tornado alley, and maybe buy a nice(er) car, possibly splurge here and get a Tessa or something. I'd pay off whatever debt my IMMEDIATE family has, no wife or kids so that's just my mother and father and my siblings. I have the money to burn so why not. Then I'd take my best friends to Disney world for a week, then to universal. Put us up in a nice hotel too. If they're up for it, we'd go to Japan, see all the sights and buy some really weaboo stuff.
Then, when we get done trotting all over the place, I'd buy a very nice gaming and streaming set up. I may have all the money in the world, but I'll need a hobby. Having no real need for a partnership with any streaming site, I'd be pretty laid back and chill with it. Life wouldn't really change much. Stream a lot so as not to be bored, do TONS of giveaways and donate to those charity cons like the Games done Quicks, RT Extra life and so forth. And just live comfortably. Set up some college funds for my nephews, I have 3, and maybe find a nice lady and have some kids of our own. Try not to let it go to my head.
TL/DR: Pay off loans, buy a house and car, see the sights and become a streamer.๐๐ผ
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wake up again, because that shit ain't gonna happen.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not tell anyone that payroll obviously screwed up big time. Transfer the money to several offshore accounts. Cash as much of it as I can. Leave for a country with very tight extradition laws. Relocate my family to be with me. Make sure my extended family is left very well-off. Use billions to invest in humanitarian projects, medical research, sustainable energy and all that warm-hearted, feel-good crap.
I would use it to some how stop the illegal Japanese whaling industry, shark finning, and Japanese dolphin culls. And then somehow figure out how to shut down Sea world and the like to stop capturing oracs.
well that's too much money for just me. I would pay off student loan debt for everyone who as graduated. Buy a house and wait for my statue to be built.
buy me and my gf new cars. not anything fancy. just shit with seat belts n door handles. buy us a nice house. not a mansion. pay off my parents' mortgage. and eat a really good hamburger.
Pay off all of my grandmother's medical bills, buy a reasonably priced new suv, buy and build a gaming pc, get the best level cintiq for my artwork, get amazing internet, put the rest in my bank and keep working my shitty retail job and tell no one I won except my grandmother.
Buy a used honda accord and invest the rest in AMD stock.
sux4u ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:41:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would Invest 95% of it, pay off all of my and m girlfriends family's debt, switch schools to be with my girlfriend and build us the most bomb ass house ever, then just spoil the hell out of her and her family, live whatever life I want, become an architect and build whatever buildings I want, don't even have to make a profit.
Buy solar panels, home batteries, and electric vehicles for everyone who wants them to destabilize the fossill fuel power sources. When I am down to my last $5M, buy a few apartments and live off the rent.
Id imprison every politician that has ever denied claims of environmental harm and start a more responsible group of people that actually do things for good and not money, and then spend the rest on cocain and strippers.
Cure cancer and other deadly diseases and make it free to the public.
Carrath ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:42:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would quit my job and open up a small record store.
rva_rdf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:42:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Recreate the WTC complex and replicate the 9/11 attacks for comparison. Also buy a fiat.
shab54 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:42:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep cause rich guys can sleep in
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:42:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would use that money to build an orbital ring. It's much better than a traditional space elevator because you can build orbital rings at any inclination, they can carry people and cargo around earth rather than just into orbit, and they could be built without any major advances in material science. The first one would probably cost a few hundred billion dollars, but building more afterwards would be a fraction of the original cost because you'd be able to use the first ring to transport materials into space for construction of subsequent rings. Orbital rings wouldn't just make getting into orbit a lot easier, they would completely reshape the global economy and turn humanity into a truly spacefaring species.
I would feel very anxious having that much money. I would find a lawyer and begin trying to figure out a way to offload as much if it onto friends, family, and society as I could. Throw a bunch of money at Crohn's and Colitis research.
I'd travel around and try not to think about things when I've managed to whittle it down to 2 or 3 billion. Enough money that an economic disaster or some incredible blunder of finances could not in any reasonable world disadvantage me or leave me penniless.
4 billion. I have an illness so I'll need the extra for healthcare costs if they ever start denying billionaires with pre-existing illnesses coverage.
Actually fuck most of that. I just want Single payer healthcare in the states, so I'd set up a 900 billion dollar fund available to the US government to be used only upon the creation and implementation of a transition plan to single payer insurance. 9/10ths of a trillion dollars would be a pretty decent start on the money it would take to turn the gears to make that happen. Then redistribute what's left to family and friends, then with the last 4 billion travel and not think about things. Yeah. That's the dream. Steady healthcare and not thinking about things while finally pooping in every country of the world. One day... maybe even poop in space.
KSFT__ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:43:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would actually buy all of the NFL teams. This guarantees me as an owner will always make it to the Super Bowl and I will also be part of the winning team. I really want a Super Bowl ring. I will do this for as long as I can so there will be a wiki page saying I am the most successful (winning) NFL owner in history.
I would donate 99% of it. I have great respect for what the Gates family has done with their money, and I think that it could go a long way in solving many world issues.
Plus, 1% of a trillion dollars is more than enough to live very comfortably for the rest of my life.
Buy a decent plot of land, build a few houses for my freinds and family, donate $1mill to Water Protecters' legal fees. Donate $1mill to NASA. Donate $1mill to National Forrest Service. Spend another million on random small donations for some gofundme campaigns. Become an active r/randomactsofamazon member. Put the rest in a credit union, and live off the interest and focus on art, music, farming, and nature preservation.
I'd buy a little house that's kind of secluded and then buy a few pounds of weed, watch TV, eat delivery food, gamble on sports, and play PS4 until I die of total heart failure at age 56.
That would be a wonderful opportunity to build infrastructure in the poorest parts of the world to provide people with at least clean water and nutritious food. I would feel very happy to walk around such places and see everyone being cared for.
flekkzo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:44:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Save 100 million for me and my family.
Use the rest to start a foundation and invest in research in curing auto-immune and lung diseases. Then when we have cures I would pay to cure as many as I could, starting with myself and then starting with those that could least afford it and work my way up.
Run about the town in nothing but my jimmies. Upon my arrest I'll claim I'm suffering from sudden and chronic affluenza. Following my swift release I'll drink and drive off into the sunset with my shirt off.
I'd phone Elon Musk and ask him what he wants to spend his trillion dollars on. Actually, I'd keep a billion for myself.
LibanH ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:45:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably get a few car washes and launder the money there and when that doesn't work out just launder all of it in laser tag. Props to anyone who got the references
Depends. Did the money suddenly appear in my account out of thin air? If so i would try to find a way to destroy it. Adding a full trillion dollars to the monetary supply without an equal growth in the economy would tank the currency.
But if I skimmed that money out of the economy by receiving it through taxation or something then I guess I would try to find a way to give it all back. Pay it all out equally to every person in the country I suppose.
DrDre69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:45:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In all honesty, it would feel surreal and that its too good to be true. So probably nothing. Donate maybe!
SAE1856 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:45:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay the interest on my student loans
Syttas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:45:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I shove 'em up your ass
netwhoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:46:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Turn the fucking alarm off and go back to sleep. Fuck the snooze button.
Outside of taking care of my family and a couple of really close friends?
Forgive all student debt in the US, and buy up medical debt too. Then probably become a perpetual student. I've always wanted to finish up and get my doctorate, go to culinary school, art school, all that jazz.
Buy FOX News, turn it into a liberal rag.
Outside of that, invest good chunks into various scientific research. It's obvious the government doesn't give two shits, so it's up to the private sector. And if I suddenly had a cool trillion, with no strings attached, well I think we're due for another scientific revolution.
According to math, dividing that money evenly to every person on earth would mean each person gets about $142, and that's assuming they get USD. That's not a whole lot, so I'd give the money to organizations that truly have disadvantaged people's best interests at heart and would be able to help them get a better life. I'd donate to animals shelters, organizations that restore historic buildings, churches, nursing homes, hospitals, schools, the usual. I honestly would. As materialistic and first-world as this is, I want lots of stuff, so I would go on a shopping spree, but I'm more interested in things with meaning. I don't want something because it's expensive; I want it because it's interesting or useful.
Put most of it into savings. Give some of it to my relatives. Probably would buy a sporty car in addition to my daily driver. Also pay my new insurance for my car.
This easy. I would only need about 0.5% or about 5 million invested and protected in the usual ways. The rest I would give away in philanthropy. That is how a rich man can live a happy life. The real chore would be selecting worthwhile charities and seeing the money got to the people who need it most. But I think with a trillion dollars I can make that fun too.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:47:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lend it to the United States government so they go into more debt and end up owing me
Buy out the politicians, get them to pass laws that tax the ever-loving fuck out of the super rich, fix our electoral system so that it's actually representative and actually democratic, and help the prols seize the means of production.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:18:56 on March 20, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bullshit, you lying mother fucker. You would become a Republican in a fucking heart beat and start signing the praises of Paul Ryan.
Famens ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:48:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Open my own bank... then buy up all the other banks, then only have 1 bank and JACK up the interest rates... collapse my economy, buy up the country, and be a hyper-powerful dictator.
Or, buy an island and become a recluse... with blackjack, and hookers.
Sleep in probably instead of going into work. After that come up with a game plan on what to do and what ridiculous things I could do just cause like buy the worlds supply of Oreo cookies so people are forced to buy Hydrox and drive them crazy fore a few days.
Go on national television and offer to pay $5,000 to anyone who hits Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell in the mouth with a fresh human turd. The offer is open to anyone of US birth, at any time, and can be redeemed as often as possible. $100,000 if it's a sitting member of Congress and they hit him with it on the floor of the House or Senate.
Sit back and watch the world's greatest reality show.
Comission all private/public space organizations to launch every rocket for 100 years to the sun filled with as much iron as possible to speed up becoming a red giant.
Airazz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just go to work as usual. It's a bank error and they'll take their money back a day later. They would send an army of lawyers if I took even a single penny out of that pile.
Even if it's not a bank error and I actually got a shitload of money, I'd still go to work. Work and wait for my boss to do something stupid, so that I could say "Fuck this shit, I quit!" and storm out loudly, with everyone watching. That would be awesome.
Begin the process of buying American politics for myself. Before that happens though I'd need to cement my wealth with investments and buying out some companies.
JJ954 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Id buy my own city in Florida and build nothing put skyscrapers of apartments. I would house as many homeless veterans as I possibly could. It would make Dubai look like Detroit.
Maybe pay off everyones student loans? You could not only resolve our generations debt, but you would fuck over the system and the people running the system who ultimately make more money when our whole generation is still in debt. No extra money from interest adding up, who collection agencies go out of business, hell the whole debt market goes down the shit hole. And you can laugh while driving around your new sports car.
Reqol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:50:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pocket a few percent and build myself a huge mansion on a bigger swath of land.
Then start a charitable foundation, hire people to handle the rest of that money and give it all away towards good causes like education, scientific research, aid relief, wildlife and nature programs, etc.
Probably a boring answer, but 1 trillion dollars is way too much. I could literally spend millions of dollars every day and not run out of money. Ever.
Pay all debt of all my family and my girlfriend's family, which in the face of $1 trillion is infinitesimal
Buy a couple houses and a couple cars- also infinitesimal next to such a large amount. Work toward a garage that'd make Jay Leno's look like the carport of a rental in the ghetto.
Work to secure it (physically as well as fiscally) and secure my loved ones from people trying to get it
Endow my hometown and surrounding area with enough money to build, operate, and promote use of a light rail system and free Wi-Fi
Gift several high-end universities with large endowments, ensuring my daughter her choice when the time comes.
Endow the American Humane Society and several other charities significantly
Set up and fund extensively a PAC to work toward universal health care, campaign finance reform, and other causes I deem worthy.
Buy the National Wrestling Alliance. Also, a major media company.
Major disaster prep. I'm not a prepper now, but with that much money to spare, why not?
1/4th to each of my parents. 1/8th to each of my Grandparents. 1/8th to my brother.
Split the remaining in half and use one half of that for paying my friends tuition costs, creating a scholarship fund for my old high-school....That 437,500,000,000$ left for me? Immediate surgery for my herniated disc, pay my summer semesters off, buy a nice plot of land in both the US and Germany, and then half whatever is left into checking and savings.
And cut contact with a ton of people, hire some private security, and rarely go out.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ITT: people vastly under estimating the actual amount 1 trillion is.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a studio space and spend every waking moment of my life recording. Well I'd also want to hire backup dancers and go on an amazing tour too (think David Bowie's Diamond Dogs tour)
Half on charity, 1/4th on buying out every member of congress to turn that flaming turd into something morally reprehensible, the rest would go towards my worldwide vacation houses, a private island, yacht, jet, you know, the works.
Firstly, I'd invest in my health. That means get information on what types of medical treatments the rich people are using in order to live longer, such as stem cells, and I'd get all of that so I would be in the best shape and health of my life (This includes getting a personal trainer and cook, as well as a sleep in doctor,who will make sure im in the best shape ever asap). Next, I'd make sure my parents and family are set, by buying them houses whereever they wanted and paying off the debt they made from me going to college. Then I'd hit up my girl and tell her to come travel with me around the world, BUT not before I have a week long binge of cocaine and hookers with all of my friends without revealing all of my money of course, because you know, snakes. Finally once I'm done spending some of the money on lavish toys, mansions, butlers etc, I'd go help out India which is where I'm from and start up charitable foundations for the homeless kids.
Invest A Huge Sum in something easily liquidable but very likely to grow small amounts, like an index fund. Wait for whoever that money really belongs to to come and collect. Cash out and keep the difference.
kurdt27 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Roll over and go back to sleep, nothing to worry about no more :-))
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
get banned for accepting money from a russian hacker
I'd buy 160 acres of farmland somewhere just outside of a 100-400k town. Be a developer, make the best houses and apartments. Don't care if I don't profit... just be part of making something to keep busy. (though I wouldn't mind if I broke even)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy an island, build it into a self-sufficient sanctuary and quit humanity. I'd live out the rest of my life in total isolation.
Go to the University of Arizona and take my best friend with me. I was accepted but don't have the financial security to survive at the moment. I love the weather, atmosphere, food, people, etc in Tucson.
Punkeec ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build myself a mansion with a safe room like the one in Duck tales and go swimming in my pool of money.
Vaca around the world helping the impoverish locals. Buy land and build solar powered safe camps for homeless in exchange for work completed to better the neighborhoods they are in. Invest in deep sea exploration companies just because I wanna see what the fucks down there. Throw a party, invite celebs, politicians, top scientists and my friends and family. Buy a cabin on a mountain with a lake nearby.
Panic. Overthink where it came from, and become extremely paranoid. Never leave the house. Stay away from the windows. Cell phone in microwave. Samsung tv smashed to pieces. Why me? WHY ME!?
Help out the homeless directly. No charities. Hell,they could spend all the money i gave them on drugs if they wanted! Everyone deserves to spend money a lot of money stupidly atleast once.
kaett ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:55:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
stay inside. drink coffee. confirm through all verifiable bank outlets that the money really is mine.
sit for 30 days. with most banks, if there's an error in your account and it's not caught for 30 days, the money is yours.
take over the world.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:55:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
End world hunger, not by throwing money at it, but by hiring scientists and other great minds unlike myself to figure out how to make places with famines and droughts not have those things.
Tongs33 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:55:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be honest, invest in stuff like a house first so I am prepared. Put some money away for the joys of taxes and then once I am settled in, it's buying a ticket for every F1 race on the calender
Make sure that the people I'm close to are well taken care of, set aside like 10 billion for myself, then spread it evenly throughout all the charities I see fit.
I'd buy the medication I need that I am unable to afford. Other than that I'd probably give most of it to friends and family that need it and save the rest.
Visit my boyfriend (in a long-distance relationship, California to New Zealand). After that, buy ESO+ for myself and send my entire family on vacations.
I would buy tons of land. Build a mini castle with a yacht and practically donate the rest. Helping small businesses get off the ground would also be a choice I would make. Also, I would still work in the glass industry. Its what I have a passion for and wouldn't expect that to leave me.
bithakr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:58:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get it the hell out of the United States before the IRS finds out...
psmylie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:00:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once I confirmed that it was legit, and it was money I could actually spend, I would immediately start worrying about my family being kidnapped and held for ransom. I would essentially move everyone I cared about into a secure facility and hire my own private and well-paid army to protect them.
I would also retain the services of several law firms. Not lawyers, law firms. I'd have them all keep an eye on each other in order to keep them all honest. Also, teams of accountants to manage the cash. And to keep an eye on the other accountants, of course.
Once I got all that out of the way... I'd start going around and being Mr. Cool Philanthropist Guy. I'd set up programs to help people manage debtโlike, buy high-interest debt and re-structure it as interest-free with lower payments. I'd hire lawyers to aggressively defend people arrested on weak charges so they don't just plead out or go into debt to pay a bail bondsman on a charge that they could beat but can't afford to. All sorts of things like that.
I'd hire lobbyists to push to pass laws to get money out of politics, to stop gerrymandering, and so on.
Whatever money I have left over after all of this, I'll help people out with low or no-interest loans in order to start up their own businesses, because small business is the real job creator.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:00:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit job.
Travel.
Never stop.
Caridor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:00:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go over to r/pcmasterrace and get them to build me the biggest, most powerful computer rig the world has ever seen.
Then, I'd build something for Robot Wars. Actually, you know what? I'm making a God damn Gundam!
...so are we pretending that we wouldn't try to spread as much of that money as possible across our beds to giggle maniacally with all the little printed faces?
Burn most of it until I have enough to buy a nice house, a couple nice cars and live for the rest of my life work-free. You don't want to damage the world economy.
Put $10 million in a high interest savings account (about 1% interest earned).
And live off the $100,000 a year.
Set up two are three more of those for my favorite local charities/organizations.
I was going to say I'd pay off all of the student loan debt in the US and live off the leftovers. Then I realized I wouldn't have enough to cover it. Fuck.
I'd buy a 1080 then use the rest of the money on something off of the McDonalds dollar menu...
Twaam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:02:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would pay off my parents house, sisters' colleges tuition, and pay off my bosses restaurant because they are great people.
Volntyr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:02:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Congress and then kick out the idiots. I'm looking at you, Louie Gohmert
rtilde ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:03:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would the trillion amount be dependent on the scale I use? We use the long scale over here, as opposed to the short scale used in the US/UK, so that would be $1,000,000,000,000,000,000 (a quintillion in short scale).
Ah, who am I kidding? I still wouldn't know where to start.
Commission Half life 3 and a dark souls level editor for starters.
also buy a home and a cintiq companion.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:03:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ideally I would try to grow my money and use it for political/social influence and try to fix the world somehow. In reality I would build a house and start a business and then help my friends and family financially
Quit my job, buy my mum her ideal house. Go to Florence and buy myself a nice house. Open a bookshop with a bar in it. Eat black truffles every day for breakfast until the money runs out or I die
Go back to sleep knowing I will never have to wake up for work again.
Mallago ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:04:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spend most of it seriously aiding transhumanist research. Aubrey de Grey, Calico, Ray Kurzweil, etc. Start an intentional campaign promoting, buying billboards and commercials all over the world.
I'd do the same to promote the mens rights movement, to a lesser extend. Enough billboards/ads so it becomes a global buzzphrase, and with my money I can make sure I maintain control of the conversation.
Buy Manchester United and make sure we win the champions league. Ditto for the Miami Marlins. Dolphins, Panthers and Heat have a salary cap so I'm not sure I can help much there. I'd upgrade University of Miami's football facilities thought, for sure.
I'd alo buy either a large piece of property somewhere or an Island- depending on how much a trillion goes after all the expenditure above- and my own small private military force.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:04:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get a nice house and live the rest of my life comfortably without worrying about whether to choose between rent and groceries every month.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:04:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Change my major and spend more time in school because the expense wouldn't be bad. Either that or put all of my time into health and exercise and open up gyms. Either way staying productive and adding to the economy is my poab
Bribe the North Korean Military to revolt against Kim Jong Un and make me leader. I will not unify Korea, but allow it to slowly transition into a capitalist economy with open trade.
Change the world for the better. Quit current job, start working on developing AI, start development work on the first of many space elevators, and start development on Arcologies (people living in a dense megastructure) so we can get ready to colonize when we get our asses off this planet.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go on a sketching trip around the world with my dog. Make art, but I'd be able to afford to make it places other than the couch in my shitty, mouldy basement apartment, and anywhere that's within walking distance of it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Assuming it was legally attained I would...keep working on my businesses.
I really, really like making businesses work...I don't even know if I would do any crazy cash influxes into them. I would probably just enjoy the lack of stress knowing that I'll be fine no matter what happens for sales the next month.
so not much would change.
I'd get a big garage and some cars....that's about it.
chilols ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd start a business. It'd basically just be some software as a service that doesn't have a physical product but will also make people not question where my money comes from. It's my job, I work from home. The business would be in a clearly saturated market where I'm not the best option to go with so that I don't accidentally get any real customers I need to support.
I'd also follow the advice from the lottery thread.
emij22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1 -Spend a huge part of my life rescuing animals and finding them good homes, or creating safe, thriving environments where they could live out the rest of their lives.
2 - Get my sister her 2nd spinal operation (she's 21).
3 - Pay off my Mom's mortgage and fix our house.
4 - Take asshole Father to court.
5 - Buy myself a ludicrous amount of chocolate.
6 - Donate a shit-ton of it, because who actually needs $1 trillion?
7 - Season pass to Toronto Blue Jays games for the next decade.
8 - Buy all the most expensive yarn because I can.
9 - Get my Gram & Grandad a safe home with the medical care they need.
10 - ALL THE COMICS. Just... all of them.
11 - I don't know, man. See where life takes me. Finish university, and go from there. Never know when you might need a million or two.
First I'd buy frivolous things and such like expensive toys foods hotels and pay off family debt and other things.
I'd bribe the government of the United States buy the devastated parts of Michigan and consult experts and the people living there to see how best we could restore the area to functional human existence.
I'd see if there was something I could do to help the First Nations without buying their shit (because thats what got things started in the first place). Probably try and develop community infrastructure like water and such and give money for a more well developed education system that somehow balanced their community needs? Idk I need to learn more about the issues anyway.
Well... first. I would tell my dad he no longer has to work because he's getting old. Then I would go to work, and act like it was any other day and slowly but my parents, my boyfriends mom, and my self a home. I would contribute a large amount to pph and aclu and then just see what life has more to offer.
Pay off all student debt in the United States on one condition: Every single person currently standing on American soil must go outside and sing "I Touch Myself" by the Divinyls at the exact same time, preferably 3pm EST on Charles Darwin's Birthday.
Put a couple million in the Bank, Live off the interest from that. Get a really nice fucking car for myself, and go to space. Id Invest the rest into ending world hunger, bringing free internet to everyone on the planet, advancing A.I. whilst monitoring it, and funding innovative startups and alternate education systems for the global community. Also I would buy Trump tower and make it into a homeless shelter just to see the look on his orange face. Then id just travel until I died, but I wouldn't die because with a trillion dollars you could find the cure for death.
Thats for starters
I'll tell you what I'd do, two chicks at the same time man.
Verxl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:09:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire a lawyer both for legal protections and to immediately start a detailed will in case of trouble. Hire an accountant to keep maybe 20 million dollars invested in the market. Pay off my house and donate it, buy a new house, new car for myself, wife, and roommate, and set aside a fund for international vacation homes (maybe one in Italy, one in Japan, and something in scandanavia). Pay off roommate's debts in full, celebrate with friends and family at wife's favorite restaurant, buy the few "shiny" things I'm currently saving for, then proceed to donate to charitable or political organizations to advance socialist programs in the US as well as education and science funding until I end up with a comfortable 5 million left (not including invested amount that should keep me and kids afloat forever and make grandkids well off) and be a full time retiree.
tutydis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:09:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off debts of myself and anyone I was close to. Donate all of my belongings to someone in need and start a new life with my family somewhere remote. After being settled, observe what good could possibly be done with that kind of money. Start a business, buy a business, grow something and treat employees right.
Hire an accountant, contact John Carpenter about making whatever he wants, contact someone about making a shark lake, end the dog/cat meat/torture trade (peacefully, or with security contractors, probably contractors), and then get some shit lined up for tomorrow.
Distribute it evenly among members of the executive and legislative branches of the US federal government in exchange for their resignations. By my count they all get somewhere around 1.7 billion dollars each to get the fuck out.
Quit my job, enroll in school and put aside enough money to get through, pay off my debt, pay off parents' debt, donate to a few charities, give Nessie tree fiddy.
Sinby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd stop worrying about paying off school for one. Probably help my friends get their companies off the ground. Donate a bunch of it to reputable charities (tax write off, I can't imagine what the taxes on suddenly getting a trillion dollars is). And buy something at McDonald's without it being on the value meal sign.
fester5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably wreck the economy (not on purpose). Also I'd colonize space.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay my house off as well as the houses of my siblings, or give them the option to buy a new house. New cars for them and my family, everyone's debts are paid. My kids and nieces and nephews would instantly have college funds set up. I'd take a reasonable trip to Europe, mostly London and the UK. I'd make sure my local churches have their financial needs met as well. Next I'd never drive Uber again. Sigh. That's nice to just think about for a minute. Then I'd sink myself into music. I would probably break down and buy a fully furnished studio with modern recording equipment and spend a year or two learning how to use it. Probably use some hired guns to record others and myself. I'd buy a house in TN where my wife is from and we'd probably get a NetJets account and fly back and fourth multiple times per year. I'd ski more, teaching my kids as well. Probably hire a tutor for them so they could learn during all the travels and adventure. I'd likely get bored and return to work maybe. Part time and with a lot less pressure. Remaining money would be spread out over investments to secure my own future and the future of my family. You might think I forgot about charity but I did not. I gave money to my local churches. Part of that would be for facilities and their security, but much of that would be set aside for charity through the churches. Yep. That would be the high level outline of what I would do with 1 trillion USD.
I would buy a fucking huge island and create a new country called Iownallthingsfuckers, well maybe not, maybe yes, ok there will be a referendum. For a visa to my country everyone must take an iq-test and testify that there's only two genders and pets can't live with a vegan diet.
Ethnicity and religion don't count, and Oh, sure someone else gotta be president or some shit, power is not good for me.
btw. buying and owning all social media platforms would come in pretty handy for just one reason, shut them the fuck down.
Scatter it around to so many people I know and then pretend it never happened, or as my Hispanic mother would say "put it under your mattress"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call off work, invest half the money in an interest accounts that would easily make me Millions a year. Work out my last remaining months of my job as I wished...then travel the planet with my kids and future wife.
Well how do you "get" the money? I highly doubt my consumer account would even hold that money. I suppose I would hire a small army of lawyers and accountants to secure it. Then I'd probably invest most of it in high dividend indexes. After that I'd chill and play computer games for a couple months, not telling anyone about the windfall. Then in the summer I'd break the news and travel the world with my family and friends. I'd buy a home for my parents and grandparents and pay for my brothers education. I'd probably stay where I am and buy a medium sized home with a nice view. Then I'd spend the rest of my time going to art galleries and other creative events. I'd also go to Washington and get involved somehow.
first, i'd basically become worldwide batman. then i'd buy a plane, an island, and a sailboat. then i'd end world hunger and invest money into fixing the environment and colonising other planets. then i'd invest the rest into research about immortality and superpowers. mainly conducted on my island.
as a side note, some 20 years ago the figure was usually into the 100k area. then it went to 1m. then to 1b. and here we are now. insatiable.
Pay off all debt for family, friends, offer them all new houses free of charge in the neighborhood I'm about to describe:
Buy up all available houses in the historic part of town I live in:
-Remodel all the homes to historical standard, cut no corners and sell them at cost to first time homebuyers with 0% interest with some kind of legal all encompassing contract that prevents them from flipping the houses for profit.
-Offer to remodel every home in the neighborhood for free no strings, bring everything up to code and invest in a fund that can sustain itself in a way that can cover the costs of all lawn care and home maintenance in the neighborhood.
-Invest heavily in the neighborhood businesses for a SMALL cut of the profits, that cut goes towards the previously mentioned lawncare and maintenance fund.
Invest the rest so I can live comfortably the rest of my days, randomly using my money to pay off complete strangers debt anonymously.
I'm sure there's some other crazy shit I'd do like build a mega computer of doom and stuff but I've had that "the rising tide raises all ships" daydream my whole life and love sharing it.
Keep both eyes peeled for the Beagle Boys and Magicia de Spell!
robeph ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:13:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd..Probably...To be honest, I don't have much I want, a few needs. Maybe hire someone to better organize and clean my house, I've a trouble with clutter, not dirty per se.
I don't need a larger house. My 2011 car I just bought works, could get better gas mileage bit whatever. Maybe I'd buy an electric car so it was more economical.
I'd pay off my student debt. My medical bills from 10 years as a diabetic with no insurance, about 500k. Maybe pay the last half of this car note at about 5k.
But mainly what I'd focus on is making a sustainable and functional harm reduction group. Focusing primarily on drug proper use education, overdose control (nalaxone distribution), and needle exchange, which we have none of at all here in my state really. I've had over 20 acquaintances and some really close friends die in the last 5 years, most very preventable drug related. I'd also fund free to end user cognitive behavioral drug rehabilitation programs in my state as opposed to the failing 12 step programs and in patient 12 step that my state only currently offers for free. It does not work. If it did at least some of those I know who have gone, even when by their own volition, would not still be using. But the state cares little for what works.
I'd get to designing corner fountains that distribute clean and cold water on downtown , every year it is real hot here, muggy, humid, and the homeless and pedestrian workers alike are see a sharp increase in heat stroke during summer months. Dollar general bottled water and a cooler is my current schtick but if they put what amounted to large water coolers that could stand up to public use and fill bottles and cups for folks, it would be much better I imagine.
I'd also fund the state in an effort to get them to add reflectors to rural roads. At night the curves are scary over hills you can't see a thing. Reflectors are rare but amazingly useful where they are used. I would bet the reduction is risk to both single car and multiple vehicle accidents would be notable.
And then I'd invest a large portion of it to ensure sustainability. Cos money doesn't last forever, but it can be made into more and much of what I'd like to do is costly.
Pay school debt, give all my best friends and family a billion each, invest heavily in solar and green technology, work with Elon to get me to the moon, buy an island and build a castle, publicly denounce Trump as a peasant, donate to a vast network of cancer research foundations, travel the world, play a lot of Magic the Gathering, make a state of the art analog recording studio and get all my favorite bands to record there, open up a real absinthe bar somewhere in Europe, higher a personal trainer and a dietician and someone to buy my groceries and then cook, make a cameo in GoT and Star Wars, buy Fox News and totally ruin it so when I'm at my parents house it wouldn't be so bad.
DMH713 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Travel with my parents. Help all those who have helped me and those who need it. Eat all the good food in the world. Volunteer. Start researching how to better the world with all that money.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give a % of it to charity and move my family all into nice stable homes. Put money away for my sons education. Get my wife and I a reliable car and invest in a career video editing for myself. I'd put my wife through writing school. Then I'd fund a scholarship to get a bunch of kids through university so they can pursue important, rewarding careers without being buried in student loans.
Oh yeah, plus all the cocaine and booze I could handle.
Pay off my house, Raze it to the ground, Pull up the foundations, and start from scratch. Buy a new car, Move to part time employment, Up my time spent in school, and make a sizeable donation to several charity organizations. Not necessarily in that order though.
Buy a house.
Pay off my car.
Pay off my car insurance for a year..
Pay any and all bills.
Spoil the shit out of my child and boyfriend.
Buy my boyfriend the truck of his choice (he recently totalled his baby :-/)
Shop. Shop. And shop some more.
Actually go and get a real hair cut instead of half assing it myself.
Help my friends and family as much as possible (and as much as they'd accept)
3b: buy or retain a financials team to secure and invest the money while it's not being used.
3b: My parents, have fun, earned by getting me through 24 years of life.
3b: My little sister, have fun. Earned by putting up with me for almost that long.
40b: My personal fund. I'm not sure I can comprehend spending more than a few billion on personal things. Maybe a few nice houses around the world. some top-of-the-line things from my current hobbies. Should last me the rest of my life with my future planned lifestyle.
200b: Earth focused research. Clean energy, medical research, education, stuff to make me feel good, etc.
100b: Non-Earth focused research. Space is pretty neat and always a productive funnel for money.
400b: Who's money is it anyway? Set up a foundation who gives a billion each year to someone who might make the best use of it for the next 400 years. Returns on investment will get fed back into the fun until it's depleted.
250b: Financial reserve. Each of my future generations will get 1 billion split equally among them. I'm hoping that by the 250th generation a shit load of people will get $3.50 by being my descendant. Returns on investment will get fed back into the fun until it's depleted.
$999,999,999,900: Money to buy a helicopter, pilot, and clearance to rain money down on a randomly announced city each month while money allows. Part of me feels like this would be the most exciting way to get rid of it but part of me wants to know how people/cities would handle something happening regularly like that.
Levi-es ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a few things here and there that I've always wanted, travel, give some money to relatives, probably occasionally donate some of it, and start a bunch of hobbies because now I can afford to get involved in something that I won't ever get a return for my money on.
55nav ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go out and buy a 10 million dollar cheeseburger as a result of the overnight inflation.
buy an island in a safe and pleasant part of the pacific. renovate the shit out of it and get some sweet ass boats (and hoes) and guns. I guess with all that I would probably need to start a rap label too.
Hire a private army to try to stop whoever it was the accidentally gave me the money from getting it back. Fuck lawyers, with a trillion, you can write your own laws.
I would call the bank and set up an appointment to set up an education fund. The money would be disbursed to local public schools and universities. My dream is to make schools so affluent so as to provide a boarding-school like atmosphere to all children. Parents would be relieved of the responsibility of actually raising their children but in order to attend the mother would have to get her tubes tied and show proof of the operation. The school would emphasize math, science and physical fitness.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:15:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A) Build the space elevator. ~$50,000,000,000
B) Build another space elevator. ~$30,000,000,000
D) ... and another. ~$20,000,000,000
C) Build a spaceport in geosynchronous orbit. ~$100,000,000,000
D) Build a massive nuclear powered spaceship. ~$50,000,000,000
E) Build Asteroid Belt mining fleet. ~$200,000,000,000
F) Crash a few thousand water rich asteroids into Mars. ~$10,000,000,000
F) Build Mars' space elevator. ~$50,000,000,000
G) Build Mars colony. ~100,000,000,000
Note: I'm only $610,000,000,000 in, and I economically control the solar system.
H) Invest in FTL technology research. ~$100,000,000,000
I) Set aside ~$280,000,000,000 rainy day fund.
J) Retire on luxury space yacht called the Arthur C. Clarke and cruise the solar system (or galaxy if H pays off). ~$10,000,000,000
Cut it right in half. 500 billion for the express purpose of making as much money as possible, for as long as possible, in a manner as sustainable as possible.
Then: the acquisition of every for-profit prison, investment in civil infrastructure across the United States, lobbying for gentler laws for petty crime, free primary and vocational education in impoverished areas, a private and free busing service in small and rural towns that don't have good public transportation, as much 100% free housing as possible, free clinics for as many basic medical necessities as possible and an avenue to free advanced care for those that need it, and food markets and grocery stores wherever I invest in housing. I wouldn't be out to have a traditional monopoly, or at least, not one that can be prosecuted: I wouldn't charge a dime for any of this. The original 500 billion is my own money, spent on things I'm giving away. There would probably have to be new laws made to stop me and by then, I'd have hopefully introduced a generation or two to a life without scarcity.
For me, personally, I'd get this tooth that's been hurting me taken care of, get new glasses, take care of my mother and friends, and go to an NBA game. I've never been.
voxdoom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:16:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably go back to sleep with the thought that I am dreaming!
b555 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:17:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate it to organizations which provide education for kids who are in need.
Actually, would create bank accounts in names of those kids with condition that this money can be only used for their education purposes, all expenses paid. Mostly would do that in the third world countries :)
I'll distribute it to people who need money more than me. I have not earned them . So I don't have any right to keep them.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:17:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Immediately pay of my loans, my boyfriend's loans, my insurance for the year, and probably throw some money toward my loved ones, and then hire an accountant/attorney and put all the money in a LLC without my name on it, which would then pay me the money bi-weekly like a job for the rest of my life, so I wouldn't somehow blow it all.
Pay my tuition, give my parents some money for the house that's/still/ being built, buy paint supplies for gf, go back to South Africa and work with big cats. Help mom be able to pay for hip surgeries. Pay for dad's new hearing aids. Get a new computer.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:17:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd test the limits of Citizens United -- I'd pour so much money into corrupting the political system to my own personal beliefs that the courts would be forced to actually do something about the current laws. I would pour money it at every level, even to dog catchers.
Then with the remaining $950B, I'd give a big chunk to the Gates Foundation, as they have a lot of momentum, and I'd hire a bunch of my own people to try and come up with some new ideas that nobody is able to address.
Providing it was legit, pay off all my debt, set aside funds for my academic expenses, pay off my family's debt, put aside my rent and bills and food allowance, buy a new computer, and put the rest into an investment.
I'd create a company with the only purpose being to give away the money. I'd hire all my friends to work there helping me to find people and causes to blow the money on.
I'd also have investigators to make sure that people or causes are valid. I would also make sure that no one could trace the money back to my company.
I would hire the best lobbyist to lobby for poor people and just to fuck with all rich assholes that are buying our government.
I'd hire a bunch former spies and give them a chance to redeem themselves by protecting people who are being harassed by "the man". Oh, they would protect me too.
I would have a shit load of lawyers to protect me from people wanting to sue my ass. These lawyers would also help with a little pet project, making the Koch brothers broke.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:19:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Immediately form a militia of hired mercenaries and figure out the rest after I'm not at risk of being disappeared by Trump. That kind of untraceable money being confiscated would give the gov't a raging hard on. Everyone of his buddies could get paid and just quit. Or the amount of secret programs that could be funded by that kind of unaccountable money is terrifying. The US gov't would literally be the first threat to my life. And with $1trillion, you could form a larger army and weapons cache than most countries in the world. In fact, you could just pay most countries enough to fight on your side with the right "investments" to the right people. For instance, you could probably initiate WWIII by just paying the right Russians to go full cyber nuke against the US and bring down the entire economy with a little help from China.
Or I'd just kill myself knowing I can die the richest man alive and have my unimaginable wealth be withdrawn and hidden, starting the largest treasure hunt in modern history. But in reality, I faked my death and keep the money hidden with me just for laughs somewhere in Indonesia.
Well, being a single mom in a mobility wheelchair I'd check to see if my old car could be fitted with a lift for my chair. If it couldn't I'd get a 2014 or so model vehicle that could, that way I can not be housebound. Than I'd take care of my family and make sure everyone is provided for and also set up everything needed for my daughter's future. Then I'd help out organizations and charitable programs.
First, I'd make sure everyone I care about is cared for. I don't want anyone that's part of my "family" ever having to worry about making ends meet.
Second, I'd quit my job, and travel the world with my SO and our son who is now a little over 4 months old. We probably won't be back before his 4th birthday.
Third, once we're back or have decided on where to settle, I'd buy us a home built from scratch. With an indoor and outdoor pool, beautiful garden, sauna/hammam room, home cinema, a concert piano/music room/recording studio, a library, and maybe even an underground club. Each our own car, and maybe even a boat. Summers in the Netherlands are unpredictable but when the sun is out EVERYONE is at or on the water.
Fourth, I'd hire a chef, a cleaner, a gardner and a personal trainer and make sure they are all well paid and well treated. I'd have a personal shopper upgrade all of our wardrobes (and then some). I can't even remember the last time I owned more than one pair of shoes. Currently on my third pair of new soles on these boots.
Fifth, I would spend a lot of time and lots of money on improving my skills and buying supplies for my hobby, which is makeup/hair/sfx. I will buy every single product every single A-brand has to offer. OMG... Can you imagine? Walking into a Mac store and saying: "yeah just give me one of each product you're currently selling. Yes. Every single product. There's a van waiting outside to load up." And then I'd devote my time to doing makeup and sfx. For no money, since I don't need it.
Sixth, I'd invest time in getting better at photography, maybe even build myself a small studio next to my workspace for makeup/sfx. So I can take pictures of what I create and share it with the world.
Seventh, by now I've probably still only spent just a fraction of my money. I will look into charity work and try and make the world a better place. I'm not a big fan of just giving to the big charities, because most of the money doesn't end up where it should go. Probably start a few of my own initiatives. Might be super naive and not well thought out, but it's the thought that counts. How I'm exactly going to do it is still to be debated ๐
This is everything I could come up with off the top of my head.
Take the largest dump on my bosses desk. Then buy a plane ticket to California and proceed to take the second largest dump on my landlords front door. A lot of dumps really, then I'll enjoy the trillion.
Personally, Id start by using it to pay my student loans, and then keep using it to pay for the rest of my college time. Even with a great amount of money, I'd still want to go to school, get an education, and work. No way could I sit around and do nothing all day!
Fund a fertility clinic that would only use my DNA to create kids. Would pay the mothers 1 mil each to sign a agreement that they take all parental rights and I'm not to be involved. Laugh as the world is populated by 1 million of my offspring making me the modern day Genghis Khan but without the bloodshed.
Buy a Ducati Desmosedici D16RR NCR M16 motorcycle. buy a zeppelin and outfit it like a personal cruise ship. pay off my friends' debts, take a trip around the world (or a few trips around the world). probably lots of drugs would be involved, lots of awesome restaurants/amazing food, then end up OD'ing on something random/fun or in a rock climbing/motorcycle accident. somewhere in there, maybe build a space station and stay up in orbit for a couple months.
Oh, and I'd have my tonsils taken out. They've been hurting a lot lately.
Donate 45% to Gary Johnson and 45% to Elizabeth Warren on the condition that they each run for president in 2020 as a libertarian and a socialist respectively.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd put 1/3 in a bank account for my daughter, 1/3 in a bank account for my son, and keep the rest.
Figure out where all Trumps money is, which won't be hard considering his "blind trust" is his son-in-law.
Spend the next few years fucking with any of the successful business he currently holds and destroy their families wealtg as much as I can. It's not against the law to run competing business with a presidents, though who would know? It is in a "blind trust" :3
I'd try and stash some away in crypto currencies. Most likely a substantial amount will go into property (or even an island) in order to start working on some ideas I have.
With that amount of money, a company will surely spring up there.
Hopefully a substantial amount of the money will have been spread out and diversified before they notice their bookkeeping mistake.
Assuming the money was legit and I could keep it, I would plunge into a severe paranoia and depression. I have something to lose now, but if I was $1 Trillion richer, I'd have the feeling that I had so much more to lose.
There would be a target on my back. If I, or my driver, or anyone affiliated with me does something to piss someone off, I'm going to be targeted. There will literally be Billion Dollar Lawsuits over fender benders.
Family would become incredibly annoying. I have good family and bad family. The good family can get all the money they need, but I know they'd never ask; the bad family are all scumbags who never talk to me (thankfully). Once they find out, they will find a way to relentlessly harass me for "their share."
Dying. If I died, that fortune would be useless to me. I'd be terrified of a plane crash or something that I'd probably live in a fortress. Quite the catch-22: Have so much money you can do anything, but too afraid of fucking it up to actually do it.
Smapdy0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:21:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ruin the world economy with massive inflation.
Decyde ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:22:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest it in renewable energy and agriculture development. Once the earth was able to produce enough food for all its inhabitants to eat as much as they want, build a space elevator and put the rest into space travel. Did I hit 1 trillion yet?
What any smart sane person would do. Spend it all on hookers and blow.
Anon187 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:22:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would pay someone to kidnap Donald Trump and throw I. A steaming pile of dog shit
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:22:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Open a car company called Edison makeing cheap electric cars with GE electric motors
Start building the most beautiful skyscraper in the world in Milwaukee, taller then the Chrysler building.
Start a electric company that makes and sells cheap and easy green energy stuff ( solar panels, windmills, ECA) and try to convert Wisconsin energy from coal to more sustainable sources.
Build an army to take back the UP
Start a cruise line that goes up and down Wisconsins coast but can also be a commute for some people.
Find a sleepy town along lake Michigan and build a big Victorian style house on the coast with a private beach and a big garage. Get my corrado fixed, and buy a cigar boat and a sailboat. Along with whatever Cessna my girlfriend wants. Buy my parents a house nearby and her parents a house a bit further away.
I would definitely work on lowering and/or eliminating the cost of higher education in America, this shit is getting ridiculous. The interest rates on private loans especially, are fucking robbery. After I paid off my own mountain of loans that is...
Walk into the White House and talk public healthcare with my money with Trump and his flunkies. Then make sure everyone in America could get at least a little healthcare on my dime.
Set up a trust fund, to anonymize where donations are coming from. Use this to start donating money to charities, basically as I hear about them and don't disagree with their stated aims.
I'd probably also pay off house loans for some people I know, and then start buying up foreclosed houses and give them to homeless people in exchange for them holding down a job - any job - for a year. During that year they get to live there rent free, and with the first quarter's bills paid for. Hopefully, this will help some people get back on their feet.
Then I'd probably start buying toys for myself.
I would probably still go to work, I just might tail it off a bit.
Pay off my family's mortgages, then probably set aside 10 million dollars for a video game, and use the remainder on a life sized replica of the Thousand Sunny, complete with everything it has in the series that's physically possible
I'd send a letter to every address in the United States every Monday, containing a Jaden Smith quote, so people would maybe stop and say "huh.. I guess my life isn't so bad".
I'd be the guy who cured Mondays.
Dunebot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:24:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
spend it all in an attempt to create something, such as a a vertical farm in every city. allowing everyone to have everything they need for free (in this case food). then move on to the other things that should be a basic human right (food, water, home/security, warmth, freedom (money or lack of dependency on money)) and so on.
...because i signed no clause upon my birth saying i need to pay for it.
In all honesty, rebuild every shitty neighborhood and their schools as I could. It would take time, but it would immediately created a less crime ridden city. If you help eliminate the poor or at least help them out with several programs. Fix the broken windows, if you understand that theory.
Or I dunno...save all the bees and pay off my student loans.
Well assuming it's from a super loaded relative that I've never heard about dying, I'd buy lots of stuff. I'd pay off my college loans, I'd buy life insurance and health insurance, I would have a house built with house insurance for every disaster under the sun, a Shelby GT350R, a Marshal 1960A cab, a Marshal JCM800, a shit load of guitars, and a Steinway Grand Piano for my girlfriend, and I'd get a few guns with a nice gun safe.
The rest would be put into a savings while some would be invested into stocks and my own traveling escapades. Hell I might even fund some deep ocean trip for scientist and then I'd make it into a movie.
Well I'm deployed so I'd say I'd walk into the chow hall, go up to the front of the omelet line, pay the first guy 1000$ to let me cut in front of him so I didn't have to wait for my scramble.
xojc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:26:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would invest half of it in low risk mutual funds and then take the other half over to my friend Asadulah who works in securities...
Immediately fly home and tell my parents to pick 2-3 houses that look nice, tell them they're paid for, and give each of my parents as well as my brother $5B.
Buy an NBA team and move it to Seattle. Start a spacex type competition to solve problems I think are important with ludicrous levels of prize money. Become a "___" Barron out of whatever industry I choose.
I wouldn't tell anybody besides my wife. I would pay off our debt.
I would pay off all my friends'/family's debt discretely. For friends, it would be limited to those who have contacted me in the past 90 days for something other than a favor.
I would set up a website where people submit their student loans and give me a reason why I should pay it off for them. I would go through and pay off for people I think deserve it, or hire a group of people to do that. I would then set up the ability for people to donate so that more people can get their loans paid for.
I would buy the biggest high-rise in my city and allow the homeless in the city to live there, but require them to stay sober and look for work. I would buy them clothes for interviews, and hire staff to teach them work skills.
I would invest a ton in startups that I find interesting.
$400bn would go to climate research grants and companies that are doing R&D on green technology.
$400bn would go into medical research grants.
$1bn each to dozens of nonprofits and charity organizations. ACLU, Planned Parenthood, Lambda Legal, Doctors Without Borders and many more.
And then convert the rest into fake gold coins for a Scrooge McDuck-style money bin.
kylehe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:27:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start a small (large?) business where I get the Earth on 100% renewable energy. Spend about 100 billion on space missions: some will go to probes landing on Europa, some will go to more advanced telescopes, some will go to colonization of the moon. Start a research firm where I take plants and GE them to survive harsher temperatures, so I can grow some fucking oranges outside in the winter.
Be disappointed I'm no longer in the Tres Comas club.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:28:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd give 80% of it to researching cures and treatments for cancer, set up a giant dog rescue facility to rival the rspca then keep maybe 10m for myself
I would talk to a financial advisor about how much I'd need to invest to provide an income that would pay for my meds + physio on top of regular expenses (one is approx $2k/mo, my insurance covers 80% but I lose the insurance when I quit my job). I would set aside about $10 mil for the new house, car and traveling (with a regular income from the investments I figured that would be enough to cover any incidental expenses that turn up). I'd give each member of my family and all my close friends a mil each. Then I'd start looking for charities, maybe even start my own. I've got to think you could do some serious good in the world with that kind of money, I don't know how many times I've heard something totally fucked up and not been able to do anything to help. I'd really like to open an cat shelter for fiv+ kitties.
Donate a good portion of it to multiple charities, give my parents a good amount, move to a Scandinavian country, maybe buy one of those custom built BMWS
I could probably afford to pay everyone's college tuition but that would just make colleges raise costs cause they're all greedy mofos. I'd probably try and reform the education system at least.
First I would pay off all my debts, and my parents debts. Then I'd go get an estates manager and a lawyer. I would move to another city and buy my dream home, and have my financial manager start investing the money wisely so that it will continue to produce more.
From that point on I think I would take a que from Bill Gates and go the philanthropist route.
If I could have things my way? Quit my job, volunteer for something I enjoy instead to pass time. Buy endless amounts of everything. Travel a lot. Donate some to charity to save lives.
I would need somewhere to store this money, because under the crazy scenario that I have a trillion dollars, I won't be able to store it in banks, as this sole despising would multiply any of their total cash flows. Further, if I have a trillion dollars, this most likely won't by the government, so it is largely unrecognized currency in circulation, so putting it in a bank could trigger an abrupt increase in money supply and potentially trigger accelerated inflation rates.
Instead of a bank, I would now need a physical structure to store this cash. Given that a 10,000 dollar stack is 6"x2.5"x.43", a cubic foot block of cash would be worth approximately 2.79 million. Given this, I will need approximately 358,400 cubic feet of space to be able to store the trillion dollars. Given that the average warehouse is 25 feet tall, I will be able to comfortably stack the cash 20 feet tall, this means I will need at least 18,000 sq feet of warehouse space, and that's not even accounting for the necessary pathways in the cash for forklifts to get through.
However, having a warehouse full of cash simply isn't flaunting the fact that I have my miraculous wealth, so I will opt for a different option. Given that the average person is 6 cubic feet (~6'x8"x18"), and only half of a person sits in a stadium seat, I will buy Wembley stadium and put 3 cubic feet of cash in every seat in the stadium, and the pit the remaining 90,000 cubic of feet spread out throughout the pitch. Given that the pitch is 345x225 ft, this means I would spread a foot tall layer of cash over the entire field.
TL;DR: I don't trust banks with a million dollars, so I would buy Wembley Stadium just to store my cash in.
You know what I would do if I had a trillion dollars? I would invest half of it in low risk mutual funds and then take the other half over to my friend Asadulah who works in securities...
Get my own team together to get onto the cutting edge of AI... not because I want to make more money, but because I want full AI, immortality and to get off this rock.
I would spend everyday going out and leaving 10k tips at restaurants and just surprising random strangers with gifts like that, the look on their faces would be priceless
Buy the New England Patriots, then fire Belichick and release Tom Brady.
Syflan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:35:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd feel extremely overwhelmed. It would be more of a burden than anything. If I could have 1 trillion that would mean I'd be taking 1%+ of the worlds wealth or just inflating currency.
If it was magically possible, I'd invest my life in making the world a better place, and certainly stopping global warming.
I would walk away from everyone and everything I have ever known and live out the life I have always dreamed of living, w
Driving down the California coast with the breeze of the pacific on my face,for walking along the cliffs of Dover on a rainy day.
Smolame ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:37:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Turn my alarm off and go back to sleep because I sure ain't going to work.
Qikdraw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:38:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off Canada's debt.
Buy one of the big three telecos and start a massive infrastructure project to give every Canadian fast high speed internet and cell coverage, then drop the prices very low so the other two telecos are fucked.
Start a company that has a massive amount of scientists and engineers and put a shit ton into R&D. Constantly grab the top students from around the world. Developing the flying car would be a priority.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:38:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A really fast car
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:39:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably smile and go back to sleep seeing as I don't really need to worry about money anymore.
stiicky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:39:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldnt tell anyone exactly how much money I have, once you start advertising/bragging that you have a trillion dollars thats when people start coming out of the woodwork asking for handouts
Considering that scenario almost certainly would have caused or been the result of some kind of massive crash/devaluation, I'd probably assume it was either a false alarm, or it was worthless (a la 1920s Germany).
Lawyer/accountant up. Then I can do whatever the fuck I want. I want to waste billions of dollars fighting frivolous lawsuits VS big corporations for the principle of the matter. Fight the fights that the little guys can't win; just do it because I can.
That money will grant me the power to stand up for my principles. I want the power to force others to acknowledge the truth.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:40:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire an economist, a lawyer, a financial advisor, and an accountant. The economist to figure out how to use this money without crashing the global economy. The lawyer to make sure I don't make any legal missteps and secure everything. A financial adviser to tell me what to do with the money for maximum efficiency. And an accountant to keep track of all the money.
Then I'd probably set aside maybe 500 million for myself, friends, and family. The rest I'd trickle out in appropriate amounts to causes I think are important.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:41:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a penthouse in the city so I don't have a 1 1/2 hour commute to uni, and continue my degree. Probably wouldn't even tell my s.o just that the house was an inheritance.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:41:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I want to be like De Niro's character in Goodfella's and start stuffing 100 dollar bills in people's shirtpockets for no reason. I would also fulfill a daydream of ordering a $15 meal from Texas Roadhouse and then tipping my waitress with $500.
Spend most of it trying to build an AI like The Machine from Person of Interest. A: for my love of Sci-Fi and B: because as this "Vault 7" leak proves electronic surveillance is extensive and omnipresent. I'd rather something that isn't going to judge me for my tastes in porn than actual people.
RGTWD69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:41:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think I would get up, make my coffee, have breakfast in the deli I go to all the time, go to work, workout, back to work, think about what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. You need physical, emotional, and mental health so I would make sure and incorporate all of the above into my plan. I'd probably research reputable financial advisers and figure out if I need to move money around to make sure it's all insured, etc.
I would most definitely pay off my debts, buy a decent house in a decent neighborhood, put my kid in private school. I would be tempted not to tell ANYONE, not even my family because it would mess them up. I don't want my kid to grow up to be a bratty teenager, so can't let him think he's rich. I probably wouldn't tell my parents or siblings either because I'm sure it would just create all sorts of issues.
Romulet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:44:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Clear all debts, set myself up for life, and then probably burn the rest of the money on hit contracts or lobbying - whichever got my political ideas through cheaper.
Shaosil ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:45:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably put it into several savings accounts, buy a dream house, quit my job, and live simply, day by day. Not a big dreamer. I'd be really content just doing whatever I felt like at the time.
Buy every console I don't have yet/want, all the best games for each, a decent car, a decent house, a really good gaming pc, and the rest would go to savings for an early retirement
give it to everyone and deflate the value of the US dollar which would plunge the world into a recession of some sort when the staple currency becomes worth less than dirt
Put in two weeks notice at my job, help train someone to take over my position, then leave my job. I don't mind my job, but it is physically demanding and it's hard to keep up when you're arthritic and overweight. (I'm in the process of losing weight - down 50 pounds so far!) I'd also pay off my mortgage, my student loans, my husband's car loan, finish school, pay off my parent's house, give money to my family (biological and in-laws), set up a college fund for my nieces, do some house renovations, then not worry about money for the rest of my life.
I'd call the bank and let then know immediately. For all I know it could be a bank error or something illegal, and I could get fucked if I try to spend it.
Jrn77 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:50:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make sure my mother never worries about money again.
Make sure no homeless vet or child sleeps in the street again.
Id first invest almost all of it. Retain maybe 1 million. Id fix up my car how i want, cut hours at work to focus on school, open a mechanic/performance shop and use it to help high school students who want to learn about cars and are passionate about it, and also who are less fortunate and need a cheap car that runs good and teach them to be able to maintain it. Id want to use alot of it giving back. Id never use that much money so id rather someone who needs it get some. As long as they show drive and actual determination. Nothing is free.
Probably just buy a relatively modest house (for how much I have, I mean), and not work for the rest of my life, travelling around and smoking a lot of weed.
Finally pay my old man the money I owe him from when I was trying to get back on my feet. Then pay off his mortgage and buy him his dream car, a 1966 Camero SS (he had one years ago but it got totalled in an unfortunate accident )
2) buy houses in Alta, UT; Crested Butte, CO; Gardnerville, NV; London, UK; Courchevelle, FR; and Austrian location TBD, probably
near St. Anton - this is just for starters, gotta have a place near the best snow at all times during N. Hemisphere winter.
3) build runway and helipad at gardnerville house
4) buy small jet capable of transatlantic flight
5) hook the family up with some goodies
6) buy Vail Resorts, and give independence to all the ski resorts that have been swallowed up, but maintain financial backing
7) find part-time job with non-profit organization to do fundraising
Galt42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:53:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Convert that shit to gold, silver, platinum, stocks, land... Anything but money before the currency crashes from the sudden appearance of a trillion dollars.
Buy a multi thousand acre ranch in Montana/Wyoming, cultivate the land to sustain all sorts of wildlife and turn it into a guided hunting lodge, have guides run it.
Go to Japan and start a multi site cat-ski company, most of this ground work is already in the works, tell my brother to quit his job to run cat-ski program.
Buy my sister a house and give her enough money to help her, pay off my other family's debt.
Buy a nice house in Japan as well so I can split board whenever I want.
1.) Call the 2 people I could trust with large amounts of money to split the pile into 3
2.) Buy 3-10 chauffeuring companies to take my friends and I on a split road trip to move on to step 3. Meanwhile all of my cars that are not carrying me or my friends will not pick up fares and will instead pretend they have people in them if dispatch asks, and will drive to any random destination they'd like on the (my) companies' dime(s?). They can go visit the grand canyon if they want for all I care. They'll be promised a sizable cash bonus as well. I buy multiple chauffeuring companies to make it nearly impossible to track which cars my friends and I are in.
3.) Using my pals I'd then convert $950 billion cash into diamonds, rubies, emeralds and any other weight and space efficient method of moving physical value I can find.
4.) Use at least $2 billion cash to buy properties and decoy properties to disperse (hide) my cash among. I'll pay double asking price in cash on the spot to the agents who'll then write down fake ownership information
5.) Hire a literal army of lawyers (preferably with quality combat training) with $46 billion cash to fight the various governments that are now on my case about this missing trillion dollars. And the suits against me for filing fraudulent documents when I bought all of that real estate
6.) Use $1 billion to hire an army of accountants that will help me digitize the money without it being tracked. If they can't accomplish this I'll have to wait for my lawyers to win my many, many court cases
Note: I left a bit of flex money (I don't think 3 chauffeuring companies would cost $1 billion) up above to help us in case we get pulled over by police, want a sloppy joe on the way, or need anything else
7.) Now that I've waited for my money to actually be in my possession, I need to spend it somehow. I'll give the Bill and Melinda Gates foundation a few hundred billion, because they know much better than I do how to handle absurd amounts of money and won't likely be corrupt by a massive influx of cash. I'll save maybe $30 billion for me and both of the friends that helped me protect my cash. The rest will now be invested in various science and tech fields that seem promising. Clean, renewable energy will be funded enough to out-compete oil and such. I'll work with Bill Gates (if he'd work with me) to start up an utterly massive feed the world charity that directly moves food to the less fortunate without requiring government resources. I hope that once the network is in place it'll be significantly cheaper to feed everyone, so that this particular project would be sustainable in the long term. And of course medical research gets a nice chunk of change too [especially genetic research :) ].
And I still have a bunch of cash to work with. Seriously how do you personally spend that much money?
EDIT: I can't believe I forgot one of my biggest interests! I'd also donate a significant amount of money getting trained in programming, then buying massive amounts of hardware to become a real life Harold Finch. Minus ICE-9 and Samaritan and my favorite characters of a TV show dying and whatnot :P
Oh my gosh. I would scream...panic...and if it was legit meant for me, I'd search for properties in every damn country in the world and buy one in each, so my son and I could go away wherever we wanted in his school hols.
If I wasnt a parent, then I'd fill a backpack and off the fuck I would go and travel the damn world. And figure out the rest later.
Quietly pay off all debt, pay off friends/family debt, continue to go to work and negotiate a part time schedule, fix my house, have kids, buy a cabin, travel, in that order.
at05gt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:57:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest in a cure for dementia and alzheimers so my grandfather someday remembers who his family is, and maybe we could talk about building hotrods again.
DPS2004 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:57:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sax45 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:00:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy a 51% share in Apple, a 51% share in Google, and a 51% share in Microsoft. Then I'd immortalize myself by making the biggest charitable donation of all time, at $69 billion. I would somehow find a way to get by on the remaining $1.9 billion (and the $10-$20 billion per year in dividends).
Like, I'd sit in a room 9-5 like a normal job, and have people just come to me with their bills, or business proposals, or requests for intervention when their mortgage is too much for them, or a super creative request for something as simple as a vacation, or funds to immigrate to North America from some shitty country, and I'd just fucking write cheques all day.
Can you imagine how great you'd feel every day, being able to help people so significantly?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:01:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit work and just do school. Buy my father a '65 Mustang. Give a billion dollars to my sister and her husband. And also a billion to my parents.
Throw everything into public education to teach grammar and tenses to redditors.
FTEcho4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:01:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First: I'm gonna owes some taxes. I'll put 600 billion aside for that. I've got 400 billion left.
ASAP, I'm going to meet with legal advice to see what the best way to transfer incredibly large amounts of money is. I don't think a bank is just going to be okay with me giving away enormous sums of money, and more importantly, I don't want to be famous as the guy who suddenly got a trillion dollars, so all my transfers need to be done through some third party who will be very well paid.
In secret, I'd meet with my nuclear family and my grandparents. I'd split 200 billion into six parts, and give 33 to each set of grandparents, 33 to my sister, 33 to my brother, and 34 each to my mother and father. None of them is going to blow through it or spend it in stupid ways. They may spend it on things I don't agree with, but they're family, and I don't need 400 billion.
I'd give a billion to my fiancee's family. I don't like them as much, but they can get by with a billion, and they are paying for our wedding soon, so fair is fair.
I now have 199 billion dollars. Obviously now I need financial advice, which should cost me a functionally negligible amount of money. I want to invest 100 billion of it. This is my living money, so I'm investing this safely. Banks, stable companies, slow growth stuff. I still have this money, but this is now my income source, so I don't use anything other than the dividends (and even that only when the investments are still worth at least 100 billion).
99 billion left. I've taken care of everyone I care about except myself. Take a billion, buy a large home. Not a mansion; I don't want people to know I'm unfathomably wealthy. Just a house large enough for all the stuff I want. It won't take a billion, obviously, but I'm buying everything top of the line, and also paying for maintenance staff for basically the rest of my life. I'm buying the best computers in the world, outfitting the house with all the best tech, filling a huge library with whatever my fiancee wants (she's a writer and an avid reader), buying nice cars (though nothing ostentatious), and so on. And obviously this house is going to need top of the line security, so that comes out of the billion too.
I've got 98 billion left. 4 billion goes in bank accounts for me and my fiancee. This is our walking-around money. I'm not a splurger, and I have a ridiculous income from my investments, so that should be plenty. If she somehow burns through hers, we're going to need to have a talk.
I'll get a will written, too. I don't want anyone fighting over my ludicrous wealth, so it's all going to my fiancee. I already took care of the rest of my family.
94 billion left, and I'm out of ideas for me, so it's time to donate. Half of it gets split between NASA and Space-X, no questions asked. The other half is for my fiancee to donate. She has lots of organizations she wants to support, I'm sure, and I trust her judgment in donating the last 47 billion. I imagine she'll make major donations to Tesla, and tons of smaller (relatively speaking) donations to animal shelters and animal protection organizations.
So I've got 100 billion in frozen assets making me money, probably some leftovers of the 600 billion after taxes that I can use for whatever, 2 billion in my personal account, a house that will last me forever, everyone I care about is good on money for life, and hopefully I'm not known as that rich guy you should rob and/or murder. So... job well done, I think
I'd give $40 billion to NASA every year (tripling their budget) and I'd fund my own science projects and campaigns. For example:
I'd start my own Fusion energy research, pouring $20 billion per year into that (more than the whole world's funding per year combined)
$5 billion per year towards the research and development of green technologies like advanced batteries and Gen. 3+/4 nuclear reactors .
I'd give $1 billion to 314Action to get scientists to run for office and start a new political party run by STEM officials and seasoned ethical lawyers for the advancement of human civilization and end of corruption and science denial.
$1 billion per year (or whatever Obama needs) to stop gerrymandering
$1 billion to expose corporate corruption in the Banking, energy, and government community.
$10 billion per year for the best damn campaign in history to encourage science education in junior high, high school and college.
$10 billion lifetime fund to cure as many cancers and diseases as possible
$1 billion/year towards investing in new transportation methods and technology (including AI).
$1 billion to hire the best minds in the world to come up with a new political system to replace Capitalism (it's killing our planet and ignoring 80% of the planets population) and bring wealth, health and happiness to as many people around the world as possible.
$1 billion towards revamping our broken legal system
$1 billion towards biotech upgrades to extend life and make humans stronger, faster, smarter and resilient to survive anywhere we can dream about.
Basically I'd change the world with my money and hopefully live to see it all take place. Also, I'd have the best security and hideouts the world has never seen.... Because the FBI and CIA would probably try and stop me. As such i'll only keep 3 Billion (I'll give away 997 Billion in total) to protect me and my family from harm. Let's dance motherfuckers!
Buy some land and build my dream mansion. Tuck away $1 billion for myself in various types of accounts. Give a cool $500 million to my parents, and $250 million to each of my fiancee's parents (they're divorced). Give another $200 million to each of mine and my fiancee's siblings, and set aside $100 million accounts for each of our nieces and nephews which they will gain access to upon receiving a bachelor's degree.
As for the rest... I'd put a significant amount of money into overhauling and improving our education system, because good, widespread education is the most important first step toward improving the future. I'd also pour some money into improving public transportation so that even the poorest people have access to schools and job sites. I'd also put quite a bit into clean energy and water infrastructure so that we can all benefit from reliable, clean water and pollution-free energy. With whatever is left over, I'd found an organization to overhaul our healthcare/insurance systems to ensure people can get the health care they need regardless of their financial and social status.
I would emigrate to a place a long, long way from Trump's IRS. Then I would buy all the commercial time in the Super Bowl through shell companies, hire Alec Baldwin and Co. to do a bunch of anti-Donald Trump sketches, and use those as the commercials. Then, on Trump's birthday, I would get an air force of planes to sky write giant penises across the sky where ever he was, all day long. With the rest of the money I would go into business with Elon Musk and build solar panels, launch rockets, and other badass stuff.
Lepew1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:03:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would wonder why she tipped me so much.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:03:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Zamtzu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:21:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
or just buy Nintendo
JsDaFax ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:05:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Part of me wishes this was one of those surreal TV moments, where an anonymous hacker bequeaths the fortune of several high profile individuals and/banks upon those who responded to an inquiry online. People who responded with selfless motives wake up to their cut of the riches in their bank accounts. Granted, I probably wouldn't be one of those people; I have wads of debt to pay off. But, if I could wake up to 1-Trillion dollars, I'd find a way to pay off debt for hardworking middle-class citizens across the globe. ... I feel that's what "the-powers-that-be" fear most: people free of fear. Debt is a way of control; I'd remove that control.
tigerd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:06:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get a cell phone, get my car out of repo stayus, avoid eviction by having enough to pay rent. Cry with joy for the first time in my life.
Laugh, that would the first thing. Call my boss and quit. Call my husbands boss and tell them that he's going on a break for a year. Then head to the bank and deal with that shit. Then oh man.. I would go do everything on my bucket list.
I would wear a beard of bees! Travel across Canada in a tiny house. Sky diving. Hire a personal trainer for my husband and I and get fit then head out into the wilderness and hike the TCT. After that I would go travel to all the countries. I would also spend a year up in the Yukon to explore and experience the Inuit lifestyle. Learn how to make a fucking igloo.
I might go back to school and do all the learning I love to do but can never afford.
I'd make a difference. First place I'm going is Chicago a.k.a. Chiraq and building rec centers, job placements services and maybe a program that pays you to not get in trouble and get a job. Help the middle class some how for sure to BUT FIRST I WOULD HAVE TO BUY COCAINE AND STEAKS.
buy island, hire household staff. pay staff out of dividends and interest. sit there being a fat load with a bunch of money. maybe hire a personal trainer and chef to stop being a fat load.
I'd open a movie studio and fund a bunch of bat shit insane movies that would never get picked up in a million years and hope I find the next star wars.
Fund research to a clean and renewable source of power, and space travel/exploration.
A clean and renewable power source would indirectly solve (or facilitate solutions to) many problems in the world. Poverty, hunger, transportation, environmental, etc.
Enhanced space exploration would improve many things for humans. Aside from the obvious spread of our species, and ensuring our survival as a race, the biggest benefits would be surrounding spin-off technology. Spend 500 billion on space exploration, and you would have invented, learned, and discovered so many things. You would build a generation of scientists, engineers, and thinkers for the next generation.
The benefits to feeding that much money into those two causes would be uncountable.
Reef718 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:11:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make sure my entire family and friends are debt free.
Build a neighborhood of 4 BR homes in the suburbs so no one I know will ever be homeless
Buy every privatized prison, upgrade them to acceptably human conditions and give them back to the gov't
Start a 10 billion dollar fund for the education system in this country
build 1000 schools, 1000 hospitals and 1000 clean water facilities in Africa and southern asia
How much do you think I'd have to pay them for them to let me live in the Palace at Versailles?
I would immediately start a foundation that would fund non-profit companies dedicated to solving major problems like poverty, global warming, etc. These companies would be an excellent place to work and boost local economies as well. It would create an entire economy out of helping people.
shit dude, like 990B would go to disease and cancer research for one. then i'd probably get like 1 nice car, a nice house (like $1,500,000ish), a dank ass computer. and then the rest of it would be invested in stuff. then the rest would be to live off of and then pass down.
I'd pay some farmers and construction workers to move to some 3rd world country for a few years so they can build and teach the locals how to farm so they can finally have food.
I'm tired of the "25 cents a day can feed a family a week". Just give them the knowledge and resources to do it themselves.
A car. Plastic surgery. Nicer furniture. Bigger apartment. Go to college. Change mind about career path. Go to another college. Change mind again. And repeat. Oh and gifts, gifts for my friends and family and maybe strangers too.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:17:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A wholw trillion? Fuck dude. Budget some bilkions for charities give my friends and family a good ampunt so they never have to worry again and probably buy a castle somewhere quiet could i also pay to get fibre optic internet? I feel with that money you could make anythinf happen
Man id do everything i ever wanted dude id set up a wolf sanctuary and go travelling and eat so much fucking fruit all the time ans buy a switch and a desktop and a new guitar and a camera
That is a literally absurd amount of money i dont think i could stop once I started hahaha
Let's see...before seeking legal advice and going through the proper channels, I would:
1.) Get my Steam friends all of the games they have on their wishlists at the time of notification (with a list marked down in-case they add a couple hundred more).
2.) Spruce up my home a bit with some reworked flooring and paint, not to mention tidy up around the house.
3.) Pay the group I'm currently with much more than was paid before and possibly further our 'study' of several file-structures that were poked at early on.
I would sit down with my family and discuss some things. Then I'd pay for everything that's necessary (pay off my car, etc). Then I'd go travel somewhere and put a big chunk of the money away so I can't touch it.
I would with buying something for every person I hurt in some way.
I'd buy my Mother a house in Sydney, Australia and decorate it with Harley Davidson products (even the salt and pepper shakers).
I'd buy ex #1 a Ferrari Enzo.
I'd buy ex #2 a house with all the stuff she needs to raise her baby.
I'd buy ex #3 a Horse Stable with 10000 horses.
I'd buy that kid I choked when I was in kindergarten a custom 2018 Dodge Ram 3500 Dually fully loaded with a Mega Cab.
I'd buy that girl I pushed down the hill in grade 1 a house.
I'd buy the kid I used to beat the shit out of everyday because I was jealous of him a custom Fender Stratocaster and fly Ozzy Osbourne out to jam with him.
I'd buy the kid who's head I smashed off a desk a farm with a gun range in the back, a whole bunch of skidoos, four wheelers, a boat and a truck.
I'd buy the kid who I punched for no reason other than wanting to fight someone a house, a truck and pay his college or university tuition.
I'd buy a whole bunch of apartment buildings in as many cities as possible so the less fortunate have a place to live.
I'd buy my father a chip truck, a boat, a truck, a house and fly some celebrities he always wanted to meet in his youth (William Shatner, Adam West, Chevy Chase, Bill Murray etc) to come and have coffee and/or a drink with him.
I'd hire someone to figure out time travel so I could go back and do things right with ex #3 because I love her so much and I don't think I'll ever get over her. I'd also use it to allow my mother to say goodbye to my grandfather.
I'd buy a massive party island in the Caribbean that anyone could visit all expenses paid if they're lonely, sad or just want to have a good time.
I would give $100 billion to cancer research.
And the rest I would put in the bank and live off the interest, I would get an honest job and every time I got a paycheck I would donate it to helping abused animals.
See if I could purchase Antarctica. Fuck everything, it is barren and almost nothing is there. I want to be the guy to own a continent. Scientists and their research is allowed to continue.
Ehrre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:24:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate it, I don't need that kind of money I am perfectly fine with my job and wait fuck that actually I'd turn The Grand Canyon into a giant ball pit.
I would put 100 billion away for myself and my family, and then proceed to pay off everyone's student debt at the university I go to, as well as probably pay everyone's student debt in the state. I don't need all that money so I might as well help other people build towards a better future.
Book an appointment to get every single last one of my teeth ripped out and replaced with new ones. Strange I know, but I hate my teeth.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:25:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the best computer I can, put mabye $100,000 into a bank account for intrest (For upgrades), buy 2 houses in the mountains(North and south hemisphere) for yearround snowboarding, put like 30 mill in a bank account for later use, then probally donate the rest... IDK
There is no way this could fly. Even if you took half of that money and invested it at a relatively safe ROI you'd bankrupt the world. Markets would crash.
2.) Buy a Mustang GT, just because I like the way they look.
3.) Buy a small house near my favorite part of town with a nice backyard for my dog.
4.) Buy a small vacation house in Vancouver.
5.) Start finding a way to invest that money into a business that can grow that money back.
Crazy Rich Guy Thing: Build a replica of the USS Louisville CA-28, and sail her around as a living museum to help kids and Americans learn about the Navy in WW2.
fastgr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:27:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ITT: People spending millions of dollars and the world is out almost $1Trillion
Seriously though, invest it incredibly widely. First just all of the top rated securities. Then I'd corner markets. I would buy a nation sometime in the middle of this, running it like Monaco. I'd have the best intelligence department money can buy. And I got a lot of it. After that I would create highly automated industries, and invest in a global scholarship and begin biasing economic theory into reducing the cost of living without adding value above what would be the poverty line in the U.S. + universal healthcare. Cradle to grave education would be free and diversified to every student. I'll show you all what freedom means to me.
idillic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:27:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Move to the countryside in Italy and live the rest of my life there.
Probably buy somewhere similar to a high school sports gym (the open space and the hard floor) lots of soccer balls, basketballs, balls of all shapes and sizes, and run around like an idiot kicking the balls about in excitement.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:28:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the apartment complex where I grew up. Get those tickets to the Rammstein concert in New York. Make Indonesia safe for women and children with better schools, police force, and all that good shit. After that, I think I'd have to destroy the rest to limit the amount of damage to the world economy from an influx of that much money from out of nowhere.
travel the world for a year. I'm a total hippie and I have wanderlust big time.
buy a baseball team. So far as I know, I wouldn't have to give much input, and it'd bring in more money for me.
lobby the hell out of Congress to pass some bills on energy reform and equal rights for trans people, and banning "religious freedom" bills nationwide.
lobby the hell put of Congress to discontinue the penny.
build myself a self-sustained house, hobbit-hole style.
rescue dogs and live with them happily ever after while I search for an SO, because I'm a lonely lesbian.
get airbender tattoos. Full body. No, I'm not kidding.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:30:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Only a select few people would have information as to my whereabouts.
Set aside enough in an asset management group to pay out a healthy yearly salary. Set myself up with a small house in the countryside, a car, a ballin internet connection and a bunch of cool stuff. No more than a million (less than 0.0001% of the budget). For the rest, immediately invest a couple of million in every state school in the UK. Invest multiple millions into the University of Manchester. Invest in a graphene applications startup in the UK. Invest multiple millions in medical, women's and children's charities. Begin a multiple billion pound housing development project to build tens of thousands of starter homes in the UK, built to value of about ยฃ120k but sold at less than ยฃ100k. Pay whoever I need to whatever is needed to guarantee Shirobako season 2 and Log Horizon season 3. Buy houses as they're built in the UK and sell them at a loss to people that will live in them, including paying someone to keep an eye on the buyer afterwards to ensure they're a resident, not a landlord. Invest in research on: basic physics, chemical engineering, renewable energy, prevention and cure for malaria, Zika and whatever else, and space programs. Become a patron of bands and orchestras around the world with good youth outreach programs. Set up scholarships to universities worldwide, for students who are either gifted, financially struggling, or both. Invest in internet and healthcare infrastructure in developing nations, plus telecoms modernisation in the UK, and pay someone to keep a close eye on the projects. Directly pay for and expect zero return on hospital modernisation projects in the UK. Pump money into the Liberal Democrat party because fuck only knows we need a sensible middle ground right now. Be executive producer for new BBC documentaries.
Essentially do all the stuff that businesses don't want to lose money on, but is morally worthwhile, plus a lot of passion projects.
I would buy out a few major corporations in energy, manufacturing and medicine. Then I'd use them to start fixing problems instead of making things worse.
Buy back as much land as i could on my island, start some low income housing, build a hospital, a farm, and a casino which allocated a portion of the earnings to a yearly stipend for natives.
Basically give my people some of the same things native Americans have, since the govt won't do it.
create my own anti advertising company and slam all the bullshit and advertise all the genuinely good stuff on media. hire ninja style anti advertising to deface all the annoying egotistical celebrity adverts, and all the ridiculous quotes.
Secondly, start a shop with so much money, that no amount of chainstore/retailpark/mall monopoly can close me down - most likely an organic shop where everything is organic and locallly/self grown.
1.) pay off student loans
2.) buy my parents new house/car/whatever they want
3.) give some to my brother
4.) buy new house
5.) adopt 10 more dogs
6.) buy my own animal shelter
7.) travel all over the world
8.) donate to good causes
9.) pay off putin to tell me everything about trump and exploit him
Really tough pickle here. You can't breath a word of it to anyone or you will be robbed and beaten or killed within a day. Can't just deposit all of it or irs will come and maybe even kill you for it, I donno how deep the corruption goes with them if at all. Hard to stash it in cash, but for sure vaccume seal it or bugs/rats could eat it. Immediately buy some guns, you will need them. Next you will need to buy a fortress of some kind, all cash and pay extra to avoid paperwork. Again, don't tell a soul, even best friend, he will either rob you himself or blab about it out of jealousy to anyone who will listen.
Your job from then on is to be a cash buyer and only bank deposit amounts that won't raise red flags. Log onto a library in a disguise and Google any info you need. Keep a heavily guarded Scrooge mcduck style room in the fortress, a tril is a shitload. You might have to come up with some kind of gambling alibi or something to throw people off the scent. It will be tough not getting killed or robbed, so settle in for a potentially rough ride at first. Consider moving to a paradise somewhere out of the greed pit that is the USA. Pay extra to be flown privately there with no papers or questions. That's about all I can think to do.
Source: I'm poor and fantasize about being rich a lot.
rokoeh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:36:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put x amount into a savings account to get, say, 200k (fuck it, I have a trillion to work with, let's make it 300k, because at 1 percent interest you get 100k/yr on like 40m) yearly income.
Pay off whatever my family owes.
I'd probably sell my Mazda and get something else.
And then do fuck all. I'd drink on the beach and do fuck all for the rest of my life, I'd enjoy every second of it.
Give some sales weenie project manager hippy Crap the rest. I'm happy.
Fix my falling apart house and pay off all the bills...and try to talk my husband into quitting his cook job so we could just hang out with all these awesome little kids!! Edit- I forgot about a vacation.. Definitely take a vacation, been over a decade!
I'd stop leaving the house. I'd custom design a huge mansion to be built around the house where I currently live and wouldn't emerge ever again. I'd get everything delivered to the house and cut off all communication to the outside world.
hugso ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:40:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm assuming this is money that wasn't allocated to anyone before it was given to me, meaning it was created, so the first thing I'd do is cause some pretty wicked inflation when I spend 3 billion dollars at Taco Bell flooding the money supply in the name of Doritos locos tacos
Help my friends and family whose problems could be solved with money, for myself though I'd buy one of those high quality/hard plastic blade lightsabers...would be so badass.
_Nuvah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:41:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy every thing I don't have then put 300 mil in a savings account then become a philanthropist with the rest then kms because I wouldn't have anything to do or work to
I go back to sleep happy knowing that I don't have to go to work anymore.
Arazaha ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:41:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job
Buy a brand new 2 bed bath house with a small yard and car with all the furniture and all that good stuff.
Give a big chunk of money to my family and cousins
Buy all the game consoles(and a top notch gaming pc) and games that I've always wanted.
Stack up on Arizona and Caprisun.
Then become a hermit and only go out when I want food.
I'd buy out the shitty apartment complex next door and make it into a gated community area. I'm sick and tired of waking up to gunshots. I'd also make the fixes that are needed around the house and help the neighbors fix up their houses. Then I'd add a few extra rooms to our home. Pay off my husbands car. Abolish our student loan debt. Abolish my prenatal medical bills and have enough left to take care of the post-natal bills and child. Then we'd probably invest the rest and live off of accrued interest. Oh, and I'd buy my husband a nice gaming computer and get a prenatal massage. My back constantly hurts.
camlop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:43:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy clothes. Most of my wardrobe is still from middle school. Video games for me and my friends because we haven't been able to play together for a while and it makes us kinda sad. Buy a new car because mine isn't safe (nothing too fancy, I want something practical). Buy a super contemporary and high-tech home (for some reason San Diego County doesn't really have those... maybe, like, TWO) with a view of the city skyline, if possible. Invest. Donate a lot of money to Planned Parenthood, the ACLU, the STEaM and project-based charter school I went to, a few foundations for orphans and sick children, and quite a few other non-profits. Invest even more. Fund a movie and act in it because I want to. Give myself a makeover.
Y'know, almost all of this would take just a day to do.
twanas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:44:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a large number of the poorest countries , Haiti comes to mind, become a benign dictator, provide housing education and healthcare. Deport any one who refuses to be kind
Esenfur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:44:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not from a wealthy family, i would live within my means, with minor added flavour.. If my kids turn out to be cunts, the majority will go to charity.
Go to school. I'm this |--| close to finishing my masters, so even if I have enough money to hold me and my partner out for the rest of our lives... I'm finishing what I started.
Then, consult a lawyer and an accountant.
I'd pay of my partner's student loans, and repay my parents for their financial assistance. I'd gift some to my sister as well.
Once I graduate and my partner and I settle where we want to work, we'd live business as usual. I'd have the same wedding we're planning now, and we'd both still work (we've discussed this hypothetical before). Life might be less stressful since we don't have to worry about having financial resources in the event of a job loss, medical emergencies, or if our parents need nursing care in their old age. We'd take more vacations and buy a house sooner, but I don't think we'd increase our standard of living or way of life significantly.
Probably also might buy a fuckton of land and set it up as a preserve.
Boring answer, but probably would lead to a happier life than blowing as much money as possible on as many stupid things as we can imagine.
500 billion would be spent buying up medical and student loan debt and forgiving it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:47:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1-Get car (Blue Jeep)
2-Get 1968 Shelby Cobra kit car
3-Get house
4-Get plane
alexeye ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:47:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make sure my family (and a few select friends) is comfortable
Cure my Mom's cancer / Everyone's cancer
Buy a huge modern farm and turn into an animal sanctuary for factory farm animals. Pay living wages to those who work for me.
Get my cat acupuncture treatment for her arthritis
As a former barista and as a "fuck you" with my fuck you money, I'd buy Starbucks and close all the Drive-Thrus and only allow 1 flavor of coffee milkshake: coffee flavor.
Finally buy some acreage in Montana and build a little cabin. Donate to cancer research. Replace my car's windshield wipers. Pay off any leftover medical bills. I don't think I'd do anything crazy...I just want to know if something happens I'll be able to take care of it.
dizeaze ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:49:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to work. Work as if nothing happened. Then watch as everyone suck up to me when they realize I bought out the company. And the stores across the street. And everything in the city.
Buy a house, a car, a computer, new TV. The rest.. use to find a cure for OCD.. I have it and it is fucking crippling.. It needs to GTFO of this world.
Start handing it out to all my family and friends. Send everyone and their kids to college. Set many of them up with nice houses and cars. HEALTH INSURANCE!!!!!
Get myself that life saving continuous blood glucose monitor that would basically ensure I live for the next ten years.
Get all my weak terrible teeth replaced with implants.
Put my kid into a good preschool. Make sure she's taken care of when I die, as there's a good chance I will before she's 18
Buy my husband and I many small houses all over the world, travel outside the country for the first time in my life.
Burst into tears cuz I'm so damn poor and my family's always been poor and that's the source of all our stresses in life and now I can fix it all for everyone.
Start some awesome non profit charities, support some already existing ones. Somehow fix the education system.
Probably become poor again from giving it all away and die happy.
Thanohs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:50:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spend as much cx as I can before Rd revoked
amysway ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:51:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably pay to have sex with your mom. Then, invest the remaining $999,999,999,990.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:51:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Walk into work with a mariachi band marching behind me as loud as possible, tell my manager to suck a fat one, spark a j, and walk out.
Legal advice and a financial manager. Start hiding money, diversifying money, and making sure nobody else knows.
Then, start donating to charity/science. I don't want a trillion, I could live with infinite happiness off of 10 billion. With that cash, I could be the next Elon musk, and also I don't want to give up multibillionaire status.
Probably puke my guts out wondering where it came from . Once I realized it was fully and legally mine, I would hire an accountant. Then
would donate a million to the animal shelter, another million to a homeless shelter, and another million to a local school. Then get mine and my boyfriends teeth fixed.
Buy us a house with some land. Somewhere out in the woods. Nothing big, just something small amd comfy. Pay off my parents house.
Buy an apartment complex. Provide low cost rent to low income families, with high quality units and pet friendly requirememts.
Buy a country. Eliminate taxes. Execute everyone who says you have to have taxes. Hire assassin's to kill all the people who reply to this comment saying you have to have taxes from other countries. Build a mountain of bodies and let them rot forever from all of the people who got killed for saying we needed taxes. Become a tax haven. Take donations from all the rich people who are super happy they don't have to pay taxes. Create a vast piping system across the globe so that all of the world's shit and piss gets piped to the place where a mountain of bodies lies of people who supported taxes. Build an army with my vast riches. Attack every country one by one. Take over the world. Eliminate taxes one country at a time till I rule the world. Take a vacation to the rotten mountain of bodies of people who supported taxation. Fart in its general direction. Legalize all drugs. Drop mic.
Buy a penthouse in Times Square, go to college and actually be able to afford it. Buy every single doggy that needs a home and make a huge doggy haven with tennis balls and a round-the-clock vet. I really love animals
I'd start an 'international basic education program,' designed to bring, first, free schooling, followed by (in order) clean water, electricity, and internet access to everyone on the planet.
Never be seen again. Control a sizable clan of Ninjas. Pilates.
Hanta3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:57:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate most of it, probably to women in STEM careers and some charity like Doctors Without Borders (can't remember if that charity is legit or not, I just like the concept of it, so whichever similar charity is the most legit, I'd donate to). Maybe lobby for "free" college (I know it isn't technically free - it's taxpayer dollars - but even if I wasn't a trillionaire, I'd be very content with my tax dollars going towards educating the next generations at a higher level, even if it meant higher taxes).
Spend the rest in an attempt to make arcades cool/widespread again. Idk how exactly, but I'd do my best to make it happen. Succeed or fail, I think it'd be a fun task to undertake.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:57:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Become a Bond villain. Fear my easily destructible moon base bitches.
If it's my alarm waking me up at 6.45am for work. Then the first thing I do is switch the alarm off and go back to sleep. I will work on the rest later.
Buy a nice house, a car, a private jet, cs skins, make an esports organisation and other important stuff then save 1billion + enough to pay taxes for 25 years, then donate 50% of what is left to nasa and 50% to poor kids
I probably wouldn't immediately realize just how rich I am, until days after when I can literally afford anything I could ever want. That would be the end of my existence. Vacations, gluttony, endless nights. I wouldn't be surprised if my life turned into that instagram dudes page, with the beard and naked escort parties and machine guns on jet planes.
dnozzle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:09:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Learn to spell
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:09:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd set up a fund of 10 million for my mom under the condition that she has to leave me alone or it will be given back to me. Pay for my girlfriend's family to leave their country since it's terrible and make it so they don't have to work again. Pay off my student loan debt, buy a house and make sure it has a huge ass art studio for my girlfriend. Probably buy my favourite football club (A.C. Milan) and get them out of the shitter that Silvio has put us in.
I'd buy a big piece of land and found my own micro-nation. With blackjack and hookers.
deWize ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:09:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy a Nintendo Switch, Kickstart a shit ton of games, buy a new graphics card, buy a a house, buy a girlfriend, buy food.
Ah wait, I'd buy a few extra terrestrial domains too, so I can quit this stupid planet with stupid people on it.
I don't know what I would doe, besides the typical answers of buy a decent car, get a house, pay off what little debt I have, get things for said house, make sure my family is taken care of, ect ect. I probably would be content with my life after my family is taken care off and have a college fund for my daughter set up. The craziest thing I would do would be take my wife and child each summer to a different place in the world to experience the culture expose I had in the military... yeah that sounds nice
Put myself through school, put my mom through school so she can finish her master's. Pay for one of my sister's college education along with the combination of both sisters kids through college. (Military pays other sister). Get a nice place to live and then get a Samoyed, Siberian huskey, German Shepard and idk what my 4th dog would be
DoxBox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:14:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly I'd just give it away. $30,000 to every person in Canada. That leaves me with $100,000,000,000 left over. More than enough to do all the fun stuff and set my family up for the next few dozen generations.
move out to the countryside next to a big forest.
fix really good internet. (dig a cable to there or whatever they do)
buy a super good gaming computer.
get a big pool and all of those kinds of things.
a nice car.
a bunch of swords and bows and all that nerdy goodness
and just buy a bunch of nerd stuff that i want.
and also a nice gym.
Then i would spend my days gaming, working out. Shooting bows, guns and fighting with other kinds of weapons swords etc. i would travel the world a bit. and learn a bunch of stuff. maritial arts lockpicking those kinds of things.... That would be the dream
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:16:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would get my fiance a house for her birthday in a few weeks.
1 trillion?
Pay everything off.
Same for close friends and family who are deserving.
Purchase three or four seasonal homes, and;
a nice boat, and;
anchor it somewhere really nice, and;
hire a captain.
Hire a full-time masseuse.
Take part in/study all those interesting things I could never afford or have time to:
Ethology
Archaeology
Anthropology
History
Space
... and then some
Give a SH*T load of it to deserving organizations.
RELAX
If this is physical money, first move it into multiple banks. If it was just already in the account, make sure that it is all legitimate.
Hire a lawyer team + protection detail because even though nothing I do would be evil, who knows.
Then, buy houses in San Francisco, Boston, New York, Tokyo, Dubai, Switzerland, and Paris. These houses will each be filled with different valuables of different hobbies for diversification of funds. Cars in Dubai, Artwork in San Francisco, and rare Fashion/Sneakers in New York and Paris, watches in Switzerland. Boston and Tokyo will have some of each, but for daily use. I want to keep as little physical cash as possible due to hyper inflation, and be able to make some return as older pieces can be more valuable.
I'd set my extended family up with accounts that hold around $2.5M in each, but will set up clauses to prevent unacceptable use (i.e. drugs or other illicit activities). These clauses would entail a $750K deposit per year, but a complete shut off if the money is used in ways I seem unfit.
Next, I would donate to a bunch of charities, but request reports (also will be audited by my lawyers) in exchange for continued support. If the money is being used to not help the cause in its fullest extent (i.e. paying bonuses for CEOs, I will shut off my support immediately.
I would then spend the rest of my days investing and beginning a self-sustaining dynasty to last generations.
I would buy the materialistic things: yachts, planes, the works. I wouldn't be flashy however. Luxury, but not gaudy possessions. Rare, but not stupid looking clothes. Expensive, but not flashy watches. I would try to look as clean and classy as possible at formal events, but as casual as I want on normal days.
The thing people will not realize is that you do not need to be scary or flashy, or whatever. You have one trillion dollars, people won't mess with you.
ibytw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:22:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Easy, buy Greece. Remake the Byzantine Empire. Call for a new crusade. Reclaim Constantinople. Either that or become Batman.
Tanmanz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:22:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate 6 trillion and keep the rest
Tanmanz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:23:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean 6 billion xD
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:23:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get really excited to buy my country and become a mega-rich landlord, them realised that even all the houses would cost more than I had (25mil houses at an average of 220,000 is over 5 trillion). Say fuck it, if I can't have it, no one can; evacuate my friends and family, the Queens and David Attemborough and nuke it. Because why not.
I'd start by buying the company I work for. I'd keep working there, in my current capacity.
Then I'd build a factory that makes good, inexpensive, electric cars, and start setting up quick-charge convenience stores. catering to Tesla, Leaf, and owners of my cars.
You know what I would do if I had a trillion dollars? I would invest half of it in low risk mutual funds and then take the other half over to my friend Asadulah who works in securities
deckem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:28:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give away $999 billion to charity or some sort of charitable cause(s).
Give some of the last billion to family and friends. Maybe keep $500 million to myself.
dushjr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:29:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire a team of top minds and scientists to undercut drug firms with our own medicine, saving the NHS here in the U.K. and doing the world a favour at the same time.
First, move as much of it as possible into tax haven bank accounts, assuming someone is going to take it away.
Second, buy a mansion near where I live and a mansion in the Bahamas.
Third, I used to be a professional in public policy advocacy, so I'd spend the money I'd never be able to even spend on advocating for public policy that would make the world a better place.
My #1 priority would be school choice, which would help millions of poor children assigned to bad schools go to great schools, and completely revolutionize the education system, turning it from a Soviet model to a more Silicon Valley-like model.
Buy an island and create a reality tv show similar to the bachelor only with sex slaves and have certain rewards and punishments for events and a pecking order of who they have to obey.
First LOGICAL thing i would do is visit an ATM and withdraw the maximum,
once that goes through i would ask the teller to withdraw the maximum, let them take as much as they can stuff there pockets with. Then i would take the rest to a homeless center and essentially throw the money in the air by the millions.
The next step of my plan is to purchase 8 apache helicopters to guard me at all times, while wearing the finest kevlar suit available.
I would then go to home depot and collect all of the good men looking for work, and have them suit up and take 100 mil each and go wild.
Invest 100 billion into VR development,
buy medium sized island convert it into personally funded SpaceX
launch site.
Invest 800 billion into Personal Exploration Spacecraft -> equipped with a cannabis greenhouse and enough hallucinogens to live out my days in space
Buy 500 billion dollars in majiuana seeds. Use 250 million to pay people to plant them around the USA. I still have alot of money i never have to pay for pot and the goverment will have to make it legal. Also ill be known as a fictional character "Jonny pot head"
Get my teeth fixed and buy my mom a bunch of stuff. And get one of those fancy cat towers for Pym, he would go nuts for that. I dunno. Probably order some Thai food. I want to get a PS4 but I can wait until Red Dead Redemption 2 comes out, so that's on the back burner. And there's a boxing gym that I'd like to join. Plus I would backpack again but probably still stay in hostels. I'm starting to realize that I don't have especially extravagant dreams.
Would give some to my family so they wouldn't have to work, then a spaceship for me and a few lucky winners with enough provisions so we wouldn't have to return. Any leftover money I would attach to the outside of ship and make it rain one last time as we launch.
I have two friends who's mothers both work really hard (divorced). Both are getting at least a million, right there. Easily more, if they'll accept it.
I think one of the first things I would do is go buy hardcover matching copy of books I own in a series. Nothing better than a matching hardcover series on your shelf.
End world hunger. Buy up property and give homeless people supplies to build their own communities.
Build my own Enterprise bridge and hire actors to be my crew. Hire up and coming sci fi writers to create new adventures. Open casting call to all actors who want to be extras, featured guest stars, or aliens.
Hire sfx team for costumes and to crop footage of final product.
I would develop an automatic toilet which would eliminate the need for toilet paper. No, not a bidet. Something which requires no user intervention at all. You sit, crap, then stand up with a dry, sparkly clean winky.
For starters, set aside a million or two for school, pay off my parents' and sisters' houses, and make sure none of them tell any of the extended family.
Well, if it was legit and not some Eagle Eye type shit, I would quit my job, pay off all my debts and my husbands debts, get my car fixed, buy a van, and buy a house. Okay, maybe not buy a house that very same day, but I would start the process.
In all honesty I can't see myself doing more than getting a full body mech suit with a bulletproof faceplate and HUD and marching through town demanding all to bow to their new god. Install guns that fire soft rubber bullets to put down any dissenters. Maybe stomp on a few cars to show my strength off, and lift the peasant women above my head to shame their weak husbands.
Solve child poverty in my country and start a media campaign criticizing the government for ignoring the problem. Overthrow the government. Proclaim myself king. Remain loyal to the Commonwealth.
R_Lupin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:01:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Move somewhere beautiful, buy and build properties on land around the world, vehicles, staff, everything, living the life, build houses for the homeless
ngdurh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:02:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a Nimitz class aircraft carrier, park it in the bay I live near (Torbay), buy some hefty speakers and play the British National Anthem on repeat. Would also buy a town and turn it into a paintball arena.
Go get a psych eval because I've obviously lost all of my marbles and I don't think they're coming back.
Taxtro1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:08:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get some economists to tell me what to do with so much money, since I have NO idea how to utilize it correctly and neither has the reddit community as it seems.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:13:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a house in multiple places. Pay many years of the taxes associated with each house. Pay off my Mom's house and any bills her and my Stepdad have. Buy a place for my Grandmother to be closer to my Mom. Make sure my parents know they never have to work again. Pay off my bosses house for them. Quit my job but still come every day for shits and giggles. Pay all my debt. Put myself through school for whatever I want to go for.
Much more stuff. This in the first few months, once I've ensured the money is mine
I'm a car guy so I'd buy all of my family cars I could picture them in (I know which ones, I've thought about this extensively) I'd buy most of them houses to live in and for myself I'd buy a house and a shit ton of cars then use the rest to invest and live day to day doing nothing but hanging out with my current friends which just know aren't gold diggers
Hand in my notice. Buy a canal boat, some beer and snack and ride the mellow seas.
dGaOmDn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:19:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to work, think about my future options while I bust my ass. Devote my off time helping people in need as I keep my new fortune an absolute secret. Only my immediate family would know. My city currently needs a homeless shelter. I would build one and hire counselors to run it, along with a doctor to visit a couple times a week and do check ups.
I would build a new elementary school in my city as it needs the funding to do so. Along with a Waterpark that was promised years ago after they raised taxes. All of the fire fighters and policemen in my city would recieve the best training money could buy. They would recieve new equipment to go along with it. I would also team up with the local military members of VFW and just ask them what they need. Help them out in anyway possible. Whether it be medical or housing.
All the while I would do this silently while still holding my current job, living in the same house, and caring for my children, which would recieve the best education possible. I would set aside money for them, but make it seem like we are somewhat struggling. I wouldn't buy anything nice or new unless it was really needed. I would become the change I want to see in this world.
priffy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:21:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give my mom the money she needs to pay off all of her college debt. Save aside the money I need to pay my college debt. Pay off my credit card bill and my car, but a large amount in savings, and another part in a Roth IRA. Lastly, take care of everything I've been wanting to buy but have been putting off due to it being a 'luxury' purchase (aka, I really want but can live without for a while).
I'd actually keep living my life exactly as I had planned to, but make the money work to make it all that much easier. Quickest example would be that I have a big career exam coming up, and with that kind of money I would just hire the best tutors in the world so I wouldn't need to study for a month. With tutors, I could easily cram for about a week. I'd also hire an amazing chef to make me eat healthy/delicious food all the time without me having to lift a finger to do any of the work myself. I'd concentrate on my career and personal life. I'd also finally have the confidence to say how I feel to my bosses and condescending people because I'd have the money safety blanket (ie, I don't have to worry about failing or getting fired). God that would be the best life...
You could live off the interest alone for many a lifetimes. I'd give as much of it away as possible or.do the world.some good with it instead of selfishly spending it.
Probably just stop school. live at home do programming hobby projects for the rest of my life, anime, video games. So just early retirement. Nothing more than I would do with 10 million.
As long as it's long enough to make me live for a life time I'm just going to do what I want.
xhhyr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:25:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, first I would just pay off my credit card debts and then order delivery. Then just chill for the rest of the evening. I would keep the entire thing a secret. I would then find a way to pay off friend and family debts anonymously... and then spoil myself just a teeny bit. I'd still keep my job though and save it for a rainy day and live life pretty much the same. Keep my apartment. Finally get a dog. Take more vacations than the none I currently do each year...
probably immediately move out of the country because I imagine the irs would be upset that I owe them what is probably billions in taxes all of the sudden.
Keep a billion for myself, use the rest on student loan debt worldwide, home loans etc.
A trillion is a lot of dollars
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:30:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a mansion in Los Angeles, make sure my family and friends never have to work again, donate a fuckton of money to medical research, hire multiple bodyguards, hire multiple lawyers, build a panic room / fallout shelter, pay for every animal at my local animal shelter to be adopted, and spend the rest of my life doing whatever the hell I want.
Become the first child prime Minister of the UK Via bribes, use a good portion of the money to fix the country, Rule King Mark Bitches (Joking please don't send someone to bump me off lol)
Probably pay off all my debts and the debts of my family members and close friends...after that...probably buy a pretty nice house then invest in some property. Probably buy a nice car or two
First tell no one ever. Second give donate under many different names 1 Billion dollars to NASA. Third put the rest in veriest bank account, stock, etc. Get credit/debit cards for some of the banks and start buying what ever I wanted.
Upgrade my flights to business/first class for my trip in november. Give enough to let my parents pay off the mortage, buy my brother a house for him and his girlfriend then put everything else into savings.
Id probably give all my close friends atleast 20k each. Family members (that I like) would be given around 200k USD and any school debt they still had would be paid for. This is all under the pretense that if they ever mentioned my net worth to anyone I'd immediately drop contact. I wouldn't want anyone to know how much I had, hell I'd even lie to my parents and tell them it was less than 3 million from the lottery.
Then I'd probably just travel and try to be the youngest person to visit every country in the world.
Well, I'm a high schooler, so I don't have any college loans, but my best friend is about to go to college. He can't go where he wants because of money, but I'll make sure he can.
Then I'll buy something extravagant to announce my wealth. My school district recently decided to build an immensely expensive football stadium. I'll double that amount and give it to the departments that got fucked over, such as the swim department. (I'm a swimmer.) I'd also make sure that the school board knows that this is a fuck you, and have everyone from all the High Schools sign a huge ass banner and put it somewhere in clear sight of their office. I feel like this would make a lot of people happy, and also be a good way to tell some dick heads that I'll see them in hell.
Since I don't have to go to school for to make money any more I'll go to school to become a writer and an artist. I enjoy both, I'm just not very good at them, and I want a job that doesn't require luck. But since I would have the money, I could do what I want when I want.
I'll also buy a mansion and turn the back yard into a theme park. Because I can. I'll make suites for my family and close friends live in if they wish. I'll also be sure that Wifi encompasses the whole thing. I'll have all kinds of parties and meet people that I find interesting.
I think I would also do critical role like Dungeons and Dragons. I just think that would be fun.
Basically just sit around and do rich people shit.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:39:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get in touch with Sam Harris and make him my tutor hahaa
Buy the country. Fuck it up. Be in history books forever. Sadly, someone beat me to me last year.
Mvrni ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:42:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would do the typical, pay off parents and siblings debt, buy a house for them, put some into savings for when I have a family and use the rest to travel. That is, if I got the money legally and if not? I'll be living like a dead man
Falcoid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:43:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They've fucked me for 13 years and now it's my turn to fuck them.
I spent 1 Billion dollars on the best game developers, fantasy writers, fans, and designers. Build HALF LIFE 3. Hit every fucking copywrite, doesn't matter, infringe upon it. Give steam the fucking money, I don't care...put out a game 1000x better than them but curb the story away from whatever they could possibly be doing. Get it done in a year, pay 2000 beta testers to make it flawless and just take that shit over but bring it to an end that makes sense, is amazing, but someone ruins whatever Valve would do.
Buy a suburb of Los Angeles and encourage the LGBTQ community to move there via subsidies and community improvements/events until I have gotten the straight outta Compton.
NWmba ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:46:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's some start-a-space-country money!
Arydus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:46:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Assuming this is in cash, I'd hide it privately somewhere in my room, where no one would find it. I don't want to paint a big red target on my head, and if my family found out they'd probably take it from me and all for themselves.
I know this would happen because when I was 4 I was walking down a snowy street about 10 or so metres ahead of my mother. I found a ยฃ10 note, pick it up and get all excited, before she reaches over, takes it from my hands, says 'Thanks', and proceeds to buy 10 lottery tickets with it, wins ยฃ100, and then uses all of that on lottery tickets and then doesn't win anything.
davwman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:49:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Netflix and chill.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:49:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest half of it into top of the line bitcoin miners at a datacenter. Use the other half to design a better and more secure (through granular control and hardware switches of mic and video and every sensor) cellphone.
I would honestly finish out the two-week notice that I have already given. Even though I hate the job I couldn't leave my friends there short-handed.
However, if I could BUY a replacement (i.e. offer several people a decent amount of money to cover my last 5, 12 hour shifts), I'd do that instead.
Then do the road trip I've been planning with my new fuel-efficient vehicle (unsure exactly which one yet). Probably hire a driver or two so I can chillax. Definitely try to bribe a certain ex I still fancy to go with me. Offer to pay for her college or somethin.
After that...find happiness. Maybe Sarah has enjoyed the time/road trip with me and we figure it out together. Maybe I get a degree that's actually useful and a job I like? Dunno if I should be left to my own devices with all that money and no responsibilities...
edit: punctuation
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:52:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I'm being honest, a harem of 500 super attractive girls. Could pay em a million dollars a year or something, which if I live around 60 more years would only cost me 30 billion dollars total which is only 3% of my total money. I'd give a ton of money away to charities and humanitarian efforts, also to friends and family. Tour the world, eat my way through Europe and Asia. Drain Loch Ness to see if the monster was real. Carve a giant dick into the moon. I would be like Bill Gates if he was insane and with significantly more hookers.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:53:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Continue to live normally. Spend what I need, retire (at 22), live in relative comfort for the rest of my life. Would never dream of spending the whole lot in case I fucked up the global economy or something. Maybe find a way to anonymously whittle it away to charitable funds around the world. Try not to draw attention to myself.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:54:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a house, a big one. Somewhere like Finland.
Sit inside and get drunk as fuck on my own everyday while playing vidya games.
I'd hire a hundred sexy women to be naked around me, and compliment me.
Then I'd die within five years and leave all my money to an investment company that only invests in worthy British start ups. So that TV's, fridges, cars... just so more are made in the UK and theres more high paying jobs for my countrymen.
Pay off all of the student loans for my mom, boyfriend, and I.
Buy us new cars and houses.
Start a scholarship fund.
Travel around the world for a few years.
Invest in any product/stock/anything I believe in.
Hire an attorney, stock broker, body guard, and personal assistant.
Start a boarding school where foster children from families with domestic abuse are paired with abused animals. Kind of a school meets foster home meets animal shelter.
Fund Planned Parenthood.
Build a BDSM dungeon.
Arko505 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:55:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would calculate how much in taxes i would have to pay at the end of the year. Then with whatever is left. Keep 2 million for myself to live off of for the rest of my life playing video games and supporting my family, then set aside $500,000 for a number of families, they would have to explain why they deserve $500,000 for their family and tell me what plans they have to be able to live a normal life with $500,000. (i.e if you tell me you are going to buy a fancy car and a big house within the first year, of getting it then oops, sorry you just lost your chance at $500k)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:56:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job
Pay off student loans
Pay off credit cards
Pay off my house
Give my house to a needy person
Move to the beach
Drink tequila for the rest of my life
czynips ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:57:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Walk into work naked, step on to the desk of my boss, squat down and take a shit while never breaking eye contact with that cocksucker. Then I'd sit in the elevator and wait for the cops. After we're in the car headed to the station I'll give them each $10,000,000.00 to take me home. Rub one out, take a nap, and order Domino's when I wake up.
I would put a platinum credit card in my mom's name and take her to pick out a new car. Probably everyone else in the family would get a chunk of money every year. Maybe set up nieces, nephews and grandkids with a vehicle when they are ready and a college fund.
I would set up trusts for worthy causes.
I have always wanted to be able to pick a city, rent the best penthouse suite in the best hotel around. When I have seen and done everything the area has to offer, I would pick another spot on the map and do it again.
This is what I like to think I would do. Realistically I would probably spend most of my time online shitposting on different forums. So, yeah, not much would change.
nerd866 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:00:09 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Freak out about much more interesting problems than I have right now.
Hire a really good accountant and lawyer, find a nicer place to live, finish school, consider quitting work. Then I'd set up a really massive arts funding board with half of the money, preferably set up to be self sustaining through investments and interest.
Go to London in England and buy a townhouse somewhere close to where I'm living right now. Surprisingly I'd still work, as I will probably become quite bored.
tpow12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:04:39 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
MrYanu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:05:32 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Immediately pay off my student loans and the student loans of my friends and brothers. Then I'd take some money aside and invest.
Then with the money I have left, I'd pay off the loans of every other student from my school. If I have more money after that (doubt it), I'd use the money to buy a small and cozy condo somewhere and put the money away somewhere for my future children and family.
And, of course, I would do this all anonymously.
Plusran ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:05:56 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1: lawyer and protection services for my family
2: fight climate change
3: learn every musical instrument and language been aching for
4: travel
Sanhael ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:11:42 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd start a publishing house to ensure that all my indie author friends got a good deal. The usual attending to the needs of family and friends. I'm not concerned with founding a dynasty; I'd rather leave a lasting legacy. I'd double NASA's budget for the next 10 years, give them a chance to showcase what they can accomplish for the economy. I'd go into alternative energy with Bill Gates and Elon Musk. I'd provide funding to some of the independent Mars missions, and support asteroid mining. Start a few companies for shits and giggles; found a charity that gives out free hats to fat people. Undermine the established left and right, and usher in a government of moderates.
I'm sure there's a lot more I could do with that kind of cash; ultimately, as long as I've got about $8 million to see to my needs for the rest of my life, and my niece and nephew can both go to college, I'm not too concerned.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:11:43 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jarhyn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:13:50 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Microsoft, have all the API bugs fixed, open all of them as public standards and open source all their code before divesting. Buy Google/DeepMind and find the project with at least an additional 2 billion annually for 50 years. Buy Level-3 and immediately suspend all contracts with all last-mile providers pending contractual obligation to eliminate paid peering and to replace all copper technologies with fiber over a 10 year period. Spend as much as it takes on buying politicians off, to open stem cell research up again. And of course make a payment my student loan.
I would probably immediately start researching charities and end up donating at least 95% of it. 5% is waaaaay more than I could ever use so I would probably just pamper those around me with that. I'd buy a shit ton of craft supplies.
I'm going to assume it's Reddit question magic, and there are no repercussions to me now having that much money.
I would give a billion away to each of my 5 closest friends. Then I'd start looking for houses around the area I want to live, or into building a house in that area, nothing super extravagant. Then I'd buy my dream car, buy my parents a house. Buy the best gaming pc I can afford and proceed to only play rocket league.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:16:00 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would build a company. Mission to get to mars and colonize. But only the people I want to go with me. Get all the hardware and rockets up and to mars and build my own place there. Mars is mine now - fawk earth.
I will build a big telescope on my mars planet and look in on earth from time to time. Maybe I send a postcard every year by rocket. Hi from mars, stay away or I will blow your spacship up. This planet belongs to me.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:16:21 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep for once and not have to work, do schoolwork, or work more
r361k ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:16:23 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There was a post in here about what to do if you win the lottery. I'd go back and find that, and do exactly what it says. I'd start off by not telling a soul.
Pay off student loans debts in my state and once a year, id make one hard working soul a millionaire. Then invest in things to make it grow. You don't stay rich by spending it
Pay off student loans.
Pay off my family's student loans.
Travel.
Live a life of adventure alongside any of my friends who want to join me.
Send random things through the mail to random people.
Get bored.
Get involved with gambling on muay Thai fights in Thailand.
Lose badly.
Get pissed.
Buy Thailand.
Live on the beach. Change the flag to a picture of Morgan Freeman.
Change the national anthem to Morgan Freeman's reading of "Go The Fuck To Sleep."
Become incredibly unpopular do to my wild decisions and poor management skills.
Be forced out of the country by a military coup.
Escape by helicopter while towing a banner with a picture of me flipping the bird.
Fly to Cambodia.
Crash in the jungle because even though I bought a Chinook I couldn't be bothered to pay for flying lessons.
Escape grievously injured.
Be found and nursed back to health by rural inhabitants deep in the jungle.
Have them teach me their ways of surviving in the jungle.
Live off the land, hunting and foraging for my own food.
Be tracked down by Thai mercenaries who are still pissed that I cheated them out of muay Thai gambling money.
Become Rambo.
Go America all over their asses.
Steal their cargo plane.
Fly it to Japan.
Crash again. Dem flying lessons doe.
Emerge amazingly unscathed.
Sell wreckage to some kid for some Yen or whatever.
Buy a ticket back to the states.
Hitchhike home.
Get my old job back, move in with friends.
Be better off than I was before I left even with the emotional and physical trauma I endured living along in the jungle simply because I don't have to worry about my student loans any more and don't have to listen to my family whine about theirs.
After that? I dunno, probably lurk on here some more.
I'd buy a bitchin house, the bitchinist computer, spoil the shit outta my family, spoil the shit outta my GF, spoil the shit outta my favorite camgirls, then donate a whole bunch to whatever. Probably also pay off a dickton of people's college loans.
Ugh I'd be like shit uh okay to Lichtenstein Luxembourg whatever then I'd put all my money in there banks. Uh then I'd start like a massive green corporation problem is not getting conned or taken advantage of... Save the planet. Just. Save the fucking planet
Honestly, with that amount of money I would pay all my bills. Buy a large plot of land somewhere secluded with a large and well equipped house. Then retire there with my SO. I doubt it gets much better than that and I'm not a nice enough person to go around helping people when I could ensure her happiness.
Is it bad that just the idea of having all the time I desire to do what I want to do makes me super excited. Not having to go to work, fix stuff around the house, chase after diner. I'm be thrilled by that simple fact. The money would just be a tool to enjoy all that time.
Gurip ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:24:12 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
first thing? call a taxi, second? drive to the love of my life and take her and fly where ever.
i would get a passport, pay off my student loans, my brothers loans, my friends loans, pay off my moms house, my boyfriends moms house, all of my family members houses, buy myself a house, buy houses for my brothers, buy a beach house in the bahamas, buy a winter cabin in colorado, buy only designer clothes (donate everything i already have) buy jimmy choo (the company and every shoe they make in a size 9), buy a yacht and someone to drive the yacht, buy an airplane and a pilot, travel everywhere twice. hire a personal trainer and lose 20 lbs (buy new designer clothes for my healthy ass), open a bakery and sell everything for free and only hire special needs citizens. travel everywhere again. buy a huge farm and rescue every dog
I would place 500 Billion into a TFSA and not touch it until I was good and wrinkly. The rest I would use to move somewhere more exciting than the Canadian Prairies, buy a modest house, build an underground garage under the house. Get a couple of nice cars and bikes
but comcast and all companies through comcast make them less shitty
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:31:34 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Other than the amount to keep to have my life be much, much much better. I'd give the bulk of it to Bill Gates foundation, or just cut a check to Elon Musk for whatever Bond villain plans he wants.
Pay off my law school debt. Make enormous charitable gifts to the nonprofit organizations I have worked for since graduating and to the schools that provided me need and merit based scholarships. Buy a house in my hometown, the French Riviera, southern California, Hawaii, northern Maine, and New York. Set up a trust to pay for my children's, nieces', and nephews' educational expenses, and establish a foundation to make future charitable gifts. Set up another trust to fund the next few generations' educational and travel expenses.
Fuck family law, go back to sleep.
Then buy the university and replace the whole staff with people who are not morons... or monkeys, even monkeys would do a better job.
Cry, then find and buy a home here for my family and one in Utah for my in-laws. Get one new car. Buy all the baby stuff we'll need for our first kid that's popping out in august. Pay any debt between my husband and I, then my moms debt and then my i laws then my dads and step moms. Put some away for the saving for our kid. Buy my dog the best toys and treats. Buy my friend Jeo a home for him and his daughter. Help pay my friend luke to finish remodeling his home that we currently live in with him. Open up a new account specifically for savings to put the rest in, and go to Disneyland/world twice a year. I'd still keep my job part time for medical, but I'd give my husband the option to not work. Then we will budget so we don't worry about running out and we can enjoy our life's and time with our loved ones.
First I'll check my phone and spend an hour in bed scrolling through reddit before I confront the money I'm presented with. I'm very keen on routine like that.
I would buy me my brother and 4 sisters and all medium sized houses, I would give at least 10 MIL to my parents so they can be set for retirement. I would follow this with giving $500,000 to each of my siblings so they can be covered on bills. Take my whole family on vacation and set some aside for a college education. After college probably spend some completing my bucket list. I'm already running out that is a lot of money maybe buy a private jet I guess on top of that and the donate some to start a scholarship fund and invest some to have it last longer. That's all I got so far.
calvi69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:38:27 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy Hollywood and become the biggest movie/tv producer ever, and try to make a name for myself and get super famous and hopefully people will love my stuff. But then after I've made a name for myself, I'll start taking really good movie ideas and premises and making them into a random mix of super amazing movies, terrible movies, and seemingly super amazing movies that end abruptly with a bad pun. Anyone who disapproves just gets either paid off or fired, and no one can stop my evil reign of Hollywood. No amount of artistic integrity is worth turning down the massive paychecks that I can give out, and I can do whatever I want. People will perpetually be in fear of getting invested in films only to have the entire film torn to pieces in the last two minutes, their worlds shattered by unstoppable, terrible puns and other annoying wordplay. Even when the films are actually good, everyone will be too anxious and nervous to enjoy them because they'll be worried right up until the end that whatever fantastical movie world they're experiencing is just a setup for an elaborate and really really lame joke.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:40:10 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
After a week long panic attack, I'd like to say I would donate most to a reputable charity, then invest the other portion. I'd would LIKE think I would do that, but in actuality, I'd try to become Batman.
This is late but, I'd buy my girlfriend a dialysis machine for use at home. I'd also get her an entire team of personal nurses and doctors. Then I'd fund research involving lupus and chronic kidney disease. Id make her life as comfortable as possible. Then, I'd propose and give her the wedding she's always wanted even though that's never been my thing.
I've never had anyone (in terms of family) and the idea of someone genuinely supporting and loving me is almost alien. But this woman has stuck by me through even my worst struggles with my childhood demons and current disabilities. She has supported me through thick and thin. Even while dealing with her own condition and issues. I love her so much and I was worried for the longest time I'd never be capable of giving it or receiving it. Whatever's left over after making her as comfortable and happy as possible, I'd give away to others. I care about money only as a means of helping her. Thanks for the opportunity to share.
zodiki ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:43:30 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The same thing I do every day - try to take over the world.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:43:42 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Keep 1 billion for myself, already WAY more than I could ever need. The other 999 billion go into charities, funding renewable clean energy projects and campaigning against environmentally damaging shit, funding NASA and SpaceX, etc.
Veneboy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:43:59 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pinch myself ... several times, then do the tom cruise dance in my tighty whiteys.
MFRoyer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:44:51 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate to a variety of non-profits that focus their efforts on poverty, diseases, and/or social issues.
Typical lefty, cut off your nose to spite your face. Hopefully no one that hates his boss will buy the company he works for.
MacNeal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:01 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Other employers (such as the hypothetical trillionaire me) would hire people to fill the void. The jobs and market would still be there, not like they just "disappear".
I would rent Liechtenstein for the rest of my life (at $70,000 a night according to google). I would do my best to buy or bribe whoever I had to in order to basically buy this country.
I would vastly improve all of the county's infrastructure. The best roads, an amazing high speed rail system, the best schools and hospitals. I would make the countries around me upgrade their road and rails too (and subsidize a good chunk of it).
I would convert my home (massive castle) into a floating/flying castle that just hovers in the center of the country.
Every October I would turn Liechtenstein into the best Haunted House ever.
I would finance television shows and movies I wanted to watch. I would encourage people to make new shit and stop rehashing the same garbage over and over again for profit.
I would let it be known that badass scientists and research companies with great ideas can live in Liechtenstein with me for free and I'll finance all of their research.
I would buy the best talent in the aerospace industry. I would then put a very serious effort into getting off of earth and building space habitats or living on other planets.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:47:05 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Withdraw it all. It was clearly a mistake.
kwhere1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:47:23 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay rent in advance for like the next 10 years, quit my job, and then do fuck all for like ever. Maybe buy some kind of business or something and hire someone to run it for me so I'll never run out of money. Then I'll just do whatever the hell I want until I die or run out of money.
Disera ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:47:48 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First things first, I would get the fuck out of my boyfriends dad's house. The guy is fucking sociopathic.
Disera ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:24:48 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair, he's not literally a sociopath, but he is bi-polar and it is BAD. I have several bi-polar people in my family, but I've never seen it this bad. Like, he can't mask it even a little bit. My aunt is pretty bad I guess, but if you met her you'd assume she's just a normal person. With my boyfriend's dad, the second he speaks you immediately know there's something not right going on.
time013 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:48:23 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy a McDonald's chef who knows the secrets of the McRib. Like, I'd buy the actual guy. I'd have them make me McRibs year-round. I don't even like McRibs but year-round McRibs... that's some trillionaire shit, right there.
Kobym ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:49:18 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep
chube94 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:49:48 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would hit up brunch everyday for the rest of my life and get my Bloody Mary on
Day 1: Organise immediate surgery with the best knee doctor on earth to reconstruct my poor old Mum's knees. Fuck this public health system waiting list bullshit. Then I'd buy her a mansion and hire a nurse and a physio and whoever else she'd need to recover.
Day 2: Just blow money like I got the world's biggest tax return. Fancy clothes, stupid gadgets, Seinfeld DVD box set, a huge house with a full size basketball court in the basement and a tricked out Range Rover with bulletproof windows. Also, a gold collar and a butcher shop for my dog.
Day 3: Fuck, I dunno. How about the Bahamas? If I like them I'll buy them.
Hire a money management team, a team of lawyers, and a security detail.
Give my friends and family 10 million each.
Buy homes in every place I've ever wanted to live. Set another 5 billion aside to retire when I want to.
Then hire a thinktank to come up with the best ways to benefit humanity with the rest.
Teuthex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:04:07 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's not possible, but damn if I wouldn't at least try to pull a Scrooge McDuck, swimming around in all my cash.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:05:55 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As an actual serious answer, I would first off take 20 billion for my personal needs as in my family, recreational, etc. 20 bil should be enough to support my whole family for a couple of generations. But now for the important part. As a person who's grandpa was effected with dementia, I'd donate 10 bil to try to find better treatments for the mental illnesses that make one forget about loved ones. Also, i would donate up to 100 bil to try to get the cure of cancer, incurable stds like hiv or herpes. Then, another 20 bil to the charities for the ex veterans (I'm in the Us btw). There's nothing more disgusting than veterans who risked there lives for us to come back to a land who doesn't care about them. Another 100 bil on improving Americas social classes and economy. I would put a large sum of money to keep social security, and create a system that pays for all of the student debt for the more unfortunate people who cannot afford it. How does it make sense, your having to pay to get an education, education is a right not a product or item you must purchase. Obviously donate a couple billion to some Global relief charity like Red Cross. Probably donate a lot of money and form a team that can find a way to get rid of harmful pollutants on earth, and donate more money to nasa because we need to find out more about space. Also donate a lot of money and create places in which people of my religion can pray in and also use more money on cleaning up the streets and land of my country. I'd probably still be left with liek 300 bil? I'd hold on to the rest to see if there would be anymore actual needs for it in the future.
Fix the U.S. political system. Implement Lawrence Lessig's ideas with me funding it. I would spend $5 billion every year for me to fund all U.S. Congress, Senate, and Presidential elections, spent evenly among legitimate candidates, the only condition being they could not use any other funding except small donations from individual citizens.
Boom, level playing field.
Maybe another $1 Billion to educate voters and getting the voting system changed (elections on Saturdays for a start).
I'd give away all but about 10 million. 10 million is enough for me to have everything I ever dreamed of, and to keep me from being a target for kidnappers/extortionists/scammers and all the legions of scum my trillion dollars would attract.
Schihl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:08:26 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job, marry my girl, get a quaint house out in the countryside and enjoy the rest of my life with my wife and family.
Pay off the rest of my fine. Pay off my debts. Move out and get myself a nice apartment. Pay for driving classes to finally get my driving licence. After 2 or 3 years, move out of the country to Netherlands with my girlfriend, get an apartment while we're building a house. With trillion dollars that I've exchanged to Euros, we never have to work again, so we focus purely on our art projects, traveling and enjoying life.
Buy substantially sized plots of land in every state/country. Have a nice slightly oversized house with a wraparound porch in the middle of 1,000 acres with a heated paved driveway leading to a 100 stall garage filled with muscle, classic, sport cars, motorcycles, quads, dirt bikes, snow mobiles, etc.. I would have a hangar and a personal runway for my p51 mustang. Travel the world. Donate my monthly interest which basically any % of 1 trillion would be an extreme amount. Buy family and friends what ever they want. RELAX A LOT.
I would buy the nicest Apartment in Innsbruck with a beautiful view of the Alps. Get myself a Mercedes G-Class and an Audi R8 for my garage. Donate quite a lot of it to causes and organizations i appreciate, invest 90% of what i'v got left into Infrastructure and other stuff. Then i guess i'd live the rest of my life with no Financial worries.
Would want to wake up with that amount of money again! 8/8
Quit my job, help my parents pay off the house, get them a new car, and give them $1mil or more they can retire early and comfortably, then use another $1mil or so of it to travel the world with my SO, donate $100,000 each to a few reliable/trustworthy charities of a good cause, and put the rest into savings :-)
give 1 million to every friend who was nice to me.
give 1 million to my extended family
give 1 billion to my nuclear family
then for me:
i would buy a huge house and penthouse apartment in every major city i'd ever visit. each house would have a huge indoor pool. each penthouse with a rooftop pool. each place would have a helicopter and 3 cars with chauffeurs ready at all times. Each city would also have a yacht (around $3 billion total)
then i would hire the best personal trainers and nutritionists to get me in the bestest of shapes.
a language specialist for each major world language
a music teacher for the piano, guitar and drums
the worlds best music producers to teach me how to produce music.
the worlds best djs on how to DJ
scuba driver instructor
learn how to fly a plane and helicopter (you never know)
jet ski
(total cost 2 billion)
then for the world:
buy all companies in the world that deal with oil/gas/non renewable energy and destroy them.
help environmental agencies
free birth control and condoms for the world
free high speed internet for the world
build great infrastructure in the whole world
-ban normal cars
-only self driving cars can operate in the world
this will address climate change
(300 billion)
next issue:
poverty...free education for everyone in the world
free housing for the homeless and poor (200 billion)
free food as well (100 billion)
next issue:
equal rights
its quite political but i'll use my wealth to have an influence but thats the most i can do. (200 billion global)
about 300 billion left
100 billion saved for interest collection
200 billion in medical research to make me immortal so i can keep helping the world
I'd probably do the same thing if I woke up with 100$ - head to the liquor store and buy a 40oz of vodka. Then to the grocery store for a frozen pizza, and 2 frozen juice cans (pink lemonade and orange juice). Finally, to Mac's for a pack of smokes and play Command & Conquer, until I give up Eventually because the computer is smarter than me when I'm drunk.
I still have enough for a pack of smokes in the morning after I smoke my face full of smokes the night before. Nice.
Probably donate to cancer research because fuck cancer
Adventure the world, buy a nice house far away from home and live out the rest of my life in peace. I'll probably just donate whatever remaining billions to various charities when I die.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:23:52 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
invest the crap out of it, start my own damn country, and promise every US state free health care if they'll secede and defect.
Ha..thats a good question. Since it sounds like i didnt win the lottery...chances are my name wont be in the paper which means nobody begging for money and people claiming they are family.
Well I would first pay off all my bills.
Then buy a nice size piece of property. I would make sure that my family is taken care of...and then pretend that every day is the same.
recchim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:25:27 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Depends, is this an instance where I wake up and there's $1trillion in cash sitting my apartment? (just did the research, wouldn't fit).
I'd panic, for sure. Next step undecided.
A billion in cash, i'd take an uber to a U-haul and rent a box truck, a car trailer, and a cart of some kind. I'd load it all in the box truck after dark and drive home.
At that point, I'd have to do something with it. I'd have done the best I could to be inconspicuous. My landlords would be looking for me after about 2-3 days. At which point I'd have to have gotten a new phone number.
I'd then bury it in my house, and have to flee. You can't tell anyone about that. Need a new identity and start somewhere else.
Go and see my significant other, take them and buy a super nice apartment somewhere and never have to work a day in our lives. Just knowing I could provide for them and live comfortably is such a dream
Invest as much as needed into pushing AI helpers like in iRobot into the mainstream and use them to take over countries and eventually the world.
Memnar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:29:29 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get a Lawyer, and an accountant, both from the biggest firms in the country. Do my dirty work bitches.
Have them open a Limited liability shell company for film a production.
Clear out the city.
Give me a Gone in 60 seconds style muscle car with roll bars and 5 point belts.
Go to fucking town. Ride that fuckin thing into the ground, over sidewalks, through plate glass windows, the worst, everything short of killing myself. Pay all damages and laugh as it doesnt even dent the interest you made this week.
Have them film the whole thing with a russian arm in glorious 4k. Get it professionally cut, colour corrected, then post it on FB titled "Im not one of you anymore."
Then proceed to live out my days in pure sin.
twoytz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:29:37 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to my job and just sit there. When my boss asks why I'm not working just burn my last paycheck and walk out
Pay off my student loans and medical bills, buy a big enough house to comfortably raise a family in, get a car that's reliable and runs well. Nothing too crazy. Oh, and I'll BUY Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman, and make them act out my favorite scenes from Sherlock. Heck, I might even make them act out those naughty Johnlock fanfics that are going around the web, even though I'm not really into those. But hey, if I have the money, may as well make them, 'cause who else can say they get to do such a thing?...
physchy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:36:05 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lease roof space on several million buildings that were placed in opportune locations.
Put solar panels everywhere.
Build more supercharger stations to reduce range anxiety for people with electric vehicles.
Continue investing in additional installs of solar and superchargers with the money generated from solar revenue.
Build a wider range of electric vehicles (a truck would be nice).
Do other things that make the world suck slightly less in the future like water in Africa, functioning government in Somalia, infrastructure in India, etc..
Pay off my debt along with my sister's and her husbands, and my friends, give them some extra so they can move where they want and be comfortable for a while, then travel for a while before settling down somewhere. Also pay for my aunt and uncles care.
Build race tracks all over the world for everyone to enjoy! Bring back the dying population of motorsport enthusiasts! Hell, I could have a fleet of track ready Miatas for the public to enjoy! Think of all the job creation! Construction workers constantly building new tracks, mechanics keeping the growing fleet of cars in tip top shape, food vendors everywhere, get some famous people as presenters for amateur racers, more food!
It'll be great!
LoKiXiI ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:39:31 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whatever the fuck I want.
stvel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:39:39 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be honest, I'd help my parents out with finally paying for our bills. I'm tired, transferring schools, and I'm just sick of constantly hearing them argue about money for bills and stuff. Then probably use some to get myself my own place for when I graduate and get a job, then donate the rest.
mmecca ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:39:53 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
pagn3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:43:24 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Write a list of people I will give one dollar to and tell them to fuck right off.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:43:28 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would find some way to split the money into multiple bank accounts, and live off the combined interest from those accounts.
Managing those accounts will be a pain in the ass.
First, I'd hire a financial advisor and and an attorney and set up retainers for each. I'd likely then focus on pulling myself out of debt, purchasing two small homes, one in Denver and one in Breckenridge (where I work... I'd keep my job.), and enrolling in college again. I'd then look at donating 99% of it to charities I support. Beyond that, who knows! โค
Buy Australia. Build a huge underground mansion in the middle of the desert with only a tunnel and a house on the surface. Organize enormous rallies all the way around Australia. Participate in one in a Bugatti lifted 6" with independent all terrain tracks tested up to 300mph.
Melk73 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:49:25 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a penthouse in the city. Put as much money as needed into cleaning the river so it can be blue again instead of brown and try and add some nature and culture to my city.
Also set my family up so they have as much as they need. Then put money into advancing technology.
Maybe set up a free clinic franchise for people who need a psychologist.
Hire somebody to manage my finances. His remuneration will depend on his ability to grow my money, and will range from a measly amount when he's not doing well, to a salary that will let him earn more money than he needs in a month.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:51:25 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Most of the things here wouldn't cost nearly as much money as 1 trillion. I'll spend my money on projects that can make a difference to humanity as a whole:
2. Colonizing the moon: $100 billion
Build a moon base, which will make it easier to go to Mars.
3. Colonizing Mars: $150 billion
Do you know that SpaceX is worth only 12 billion dollars, for all their talk of going to Mars? Let's multiply that by 10 times.
4. Sending a probe to the oceans of Europa: $100 billion
We might find life there, which would be the discovery of the century. A lot of money is needed to research rocketry and robot technology to drill several km in ice to access the seas below.
6. Building a 100 TeV Hypercollider: $200 billion
Basically a scaled-up version of the Large Hadron Collider.
7. Development of a universal quantum computer, quantum information research and quantum technologies: $100 billion
8. Life science research: the rest ($200 billion). Not an expert in this area, but curing major diseases like cancer would be great.
Well, I would assume it was some type of lottery ticket or a person I didn't know was wealthy left it to me in a will.
I would start by going to an accountant, and figuring out how much of it would be taxed. I would then set that aside until it needed to be paid.
After that, I would pay off my car (not much at all), my student loans, and get a better phone outright without charging it to a credit card. I would pay off the house, and what's left on some medical credit cards. (I don't have much debt since I'm fairly frugal and don't really do the whole credit card thing) and would buy a new house that fit my families needs the best. Then I would hook up all family members with some money.
After my family and personal needs were met, with maybe a couple of wants, I would donate as much as I could to the place I work. I would aim for expanding our facilities and providing some resources that are currently hard to get. (Homeless shelter that also has programs for mental health and recovery).
If I had any left over, I would just leave envelopes of cash in the mailboxes of the areas with low income, and help build up the community by giving all of the food banks money. I would expand to the next largest city closest to me with the rest until I'm down to like $50k, then I'd buy the new $35k tesla, and take my parents to the theater and buy them some theater snacks with what's left from that if I have enough.....
My boss is on vacation in Mexico right now. I would go to where he is staying, book a room, grab something to eat, mill around; maybe hit a straw market. That night I would wait until I knew he was asleep. Buy my way into his room, I figure a cool million to the desk clerk should do it, I would gently wake him. I would whisper "hey...hey... I quit." Then walk out of the room.
Hope that I'll pass my driving test on monday, so I could make use of that way to expensive car I'm going to buy then. (Also I would get a new PC to replace that Fujitsu Siemens Scenic E that I currently use, because my old PC broke)
Pretty much ensure my lineage would be set for life as far down the road as possible, finally get a house, definitely spoil the wife just so I can see her smile 24/7
Qaeta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:06:45 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy EA, force them to stop destroying beloved game franchises. Bring back Westwood. Keep 100 billion, give the rest out to people via world wide random lottery in $10 billion chunks.
I would pay off my and my family's debt. Quick better housing, rental or own, clear my license and get a sport touring bike, 2 mil to trans girls trying to get work, 2 mil to those trans trying to get into the system. Put in 10 mil to a self funding fund, collect interest, reinvest. Another 5 mil to a center of sorts for TG's to go to get the info they need. Makeup, binding, behaviors, speech, things like that. Invest in those. Invest in wounded warrior type places. I'd follow Denzel here. And Denzel again for Boys and Girls Clubs. Robotics to my kids school program overall. Homeless? That small house thing. 2 people per, with a van to get people to work/services areas. Once you're homeless, you don't forget. I'm missing a whole lot. Salvation Army shelters. Don't go in for the whole religious aspect, but they are good people. The shelters of Tuscon, AZ. I'd want to spread the housing/homeless to the nation with the tiny houses. 2 people per, maybe 20 per developement. A minivan to get out to transport.
Look into buying sovereignty over a country, probably in Africa. Then just offer for people to come join my new utopia. Full health care and all basic needs met, huge investments in education and industry. Eventually foreign nationals would pressure their governments to cede to my empire. A benevolent dictatorship in the heart of the worlds most troubled areas. Of course, there might be those that oppose the new glorious order...
TeqhZem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:09:28 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ill just give the day: First, I would say "How the fuck? I haven't even made it out of High School yet!" Then, I would do the obligatory donating of 100M to a charity. Then go buy the worlds best gaming set up, buy every Steam game worth buying. Give like one million to all of my immediate family, and a few select friends, and pay off all my debts. Than put 2B in a bank account for my kids, 3B in a bank account for myself. Than just sleep and think about what to do next.
Get a house car new everything, new clothes. Still take life normal and shit though. Take care of the family I have left and my best friends. Then donate the rest to my favorite charities with some left over on the side for future generations.
noxpost ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:12:36 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Be pissed off and paranoid about where my other trillion went
Think "fuck im gonna be on the news for the biggest financial fuck up in history due to some computer glitch that's given me a trillion bucks, which will soon disappear from my account. Then I will probably appear (for a small fee) in a few years time on some shitty tv documentary about worlds biggest fuck ups in history as the guy that was a trillionaire for about a minute"
Pay off the US government to make the not butchered- I mean MODIFIED AK47 legal, and then buy one.
Kraymur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:14:39 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A large portion of the answers are things like "buy my mom a house, donate, buy my dream car"
If I were to wake up with a trillion dollars I wouldn't know what to do, i'd either believe that my bank had glitched, or if the money was physically in my home, that i'm being framed. If this wore off and the money were truly mine, i'd probably just by burgers and drugs and live lowkey for the rest of my life on the aforementioned burgers and drugs.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:15:17 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep, as I am obviously still dreaming.
Fund the shit out of space X and tesla batteries (not the car division per se. Solar power is great but storagr and distribution is a problem. If we can make those costs down, solar power will be much viable).
Buy my parents a house, secure my little sisters education, setup bank accounts that can sustain my whole family out of annual interest rates.
After that has been done, I'd travel 'round the world looking for meaning to life until eventually I have some powerful Nirvana moment which enables me to finally come back to the system and function inside of it without feeling like a fucking slave all the time
Fly out to start a life with my boyfriend, pay off my parents' and grandparents' bills, and never worry about financial troubles again.
Sounds pretty good...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:25:35 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing. No dishes, no study, no work, no laundry, no vacuuming, no picking up after the family, no yard work...
I would take the time to finally have NO RESPONSIBILITY. I'd hire someone else to take care of ALL that stuff, and spend my time doing whatever took my fancy in the moment.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:27:36 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep. I'll deal with that shit tomorrow.
diyfail ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:29:06 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to work as normal. And be the biggest. Fucking. Asshole. Ever!!!! I'm already the guy that has no qualms telling my peers and management their effed up but this woulda be icing on the cake!
I would pay off my parent's mortgage and give them an early retirement.
After that I would complete University and pay off mine and my brother's student loans.
Then I would travel to lesser-developed countries and work to develop a proper education system in the poorest areas and also set up proper, sustainable infrastructure in business, banking, the medical sector, etc.
I believe that those living in such conditions deserve way more than most of us in the west have, with our consumerist and materialistic culture and whatnot. But I would also help those busting their asses in the west who struggle to put food on the table for their families.
I would donate only to legitimate charities and fund medical research.
Oh and I would buy a fully loaded red Jeep Wrangler Rubicon Unlimited Hard Rock!!
My friends and I talked about this the other day and we all decided that not much would change. We would have to find a hobby to fill our time (read: a job we actually love) and we would buy a big house and move everyone that we love in with us. Other than that life would go on as usual. At some point a trillion dollars doesn't change much after you buy a big house, pay off debt, able to work a job you love, etc.
The constant hum of the dehumidifier penetrates my dreams. Slowly, I open my eyes, finding my cat, whos wide eyes beg for food. Pushing myself out of bed, I snatch my phone, squirting as my eyes adjust to the bright, artificial light. The notification bar, like most mornings, is brimming with useless notification. Facebook: "13 new notifications"... I quickly scroll through them, swiping all the spam into the trash until I notice an unusual notification that reads "first national bank: a deposit has been made of $1,000,000,000,000 by unanimous"
After a half hour phone call with a majority of animated voices, I ensure the money is real. Slowly, looking over at my cat, my voice barely a whisper from surprise, "holy fuck" would slip from my lips.
TL;DR I would stare at my cat and whisper "holy fuck"
I'd invest about half of it in such a way as to create an essentially non-ending dynasty of incredibly wealthy and powerful descendants. Said descendants would, of course, be sire by myself and a harem of slightly chubby women with cute butts and gorgeous faces.
The rest would be used to indulge the greatest loves of my life. Cattle, guns, land, and heavy equipment. I'd make a reasonable attempt at buying several counties worth of land and clearing them of any human habitation with my collection of large machines. Repopulate said micronation with cattle; and use the remainder for target practice.
91cosmo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:45:38 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
mikeyb1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:48:47 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whatever the fuck I want.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:48:49 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy all the nuclear bombs in the world to prevent nuclear war. I'd then become the richest and most powerful man to ever live, going down in history as the first guy to launch every single nuclear bomb into the moon just because I was bored.
1 trillion is a lot of money. I wonder how much would get taken away in tax? Either way there's a lot left...
I'd probably start with the obvious stuff, then do some fun things, then save & invest the rest.
So like, I'd pay off all my debts (including my HECS debt, and my partner's, and my sister's and parents probably too).
I'd buy us a house, a really really nice one in a good area. And maybe a second one somewhere in a good school zone, because then I can rent it out until we're ready to have babies and move there instead of the first house which would be in a trendier area with not as good schools probably.
And I'd buy my sister a house. I know she's struggling to make rent and buy food at the moment so I'd just give her a whole house and I'd furnish it for her.
Then it would be time for fun stuff, like we could have a way bigger wedding than I'm currently planning (which I know is frivolous and unnecessary but it would be super great anyway). And I could get a dress that I love instead of trying to get one made by the cheapest seamstress I could find.
And we could take a long honeymoon and see all the great places that we want to see in the world. It would be good to do that while we're still young and before we have children.
I'd buy stuff for our hobbies. Like a full suit of perfect armour for my fiancรฉ. And beautiful silk brocades and top quality linen for my sewing. And I'd buy all our favourite movies and tv shows on DVD.
And probably then I would save and invest the rest, like in savings accounts with good interest and buying shares and lots of different things. Good to have your fingers in many pies when it comes to saving I think. And fill up my superannuation a lot so I can retire well when it comes to it.
Thanks for asking this question, it was fun to fantasise.
inoz02 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:58:16 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Npriley ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:16:56 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate $200 billion to NASA and ask that in return they name the first Mars colony after me. Then buy an Island and turn it into research center the likes of Black Mesa. Use the rest to live comfortably in a hidden bunker for the rest of my life.
Keep going to my job because it makes me happy, and now I don't have to worry about how I don't make a lot of money with the job I like.
Get some fixes for my car that will make it last longer, but not make anyone suspicious.
CDs, the banking kind for like, a quarter of it. Maybe more, I haven't looked into it for a while.
Get that nosejob I've been wanting forever.
Buy Pendleton blankets for the people I love that would appreciate them.
Research where the biggest problems for spay and neuter are, throw money at it. Donate to lots of animal shelters in whatever way is most efficient and sensible. Is it profitable to host those rich bitch dinners that are 1k a plate? Start hosting those for animal benefits.
Maybe quit my job and just spend time with the animals who aren't getting enough love.
Get some secluded land, make a nice compound. Have many cats and dogs.
I'd... I'd get an escort... One of turn fancy ones... All clean and happy and shit... None of that babymamma shit...
Oh ..And I'd ask to put it in get butt too
Pay off my debt and put a lot in a savings account for school and such.
Apartment I should be able to afford on my "own" once I get a new job
Craft stuff
Something nice for loved ones
Pay it forward
Find a random people and give them 100k or something depending on what I have left
xnappy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:17 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gather as much people to start working on more intense space exploration and space travel
Not worry, stress, cry, or ANYTHING about student debt anymore. And get a nicer place to live. Start going overseas and actively helping the less fortunate rather than donating it to charity so that I know exactly where it is going and I have an active role in helping others.
A trillion is a lot but not as much as you think. If you feel generous and took the trillion and gave a equal amount to everyone in the US, that's about $3000 per person. Or if you divide it amongst everyone in the world, that's about $142 per person.
Tbh live a simple life. Invest that shit so there is always money coming in๏ผmake sure people around me a living well enough๏ผ then give the rest of that interest away.
I don`t really need that much money and could probably live happily off 1million dollars from investment and working a little.
I thought about saying "quit my job." But I wouldn't formally quit; it just be a no show and get fired. So the first thing I'd do is get fired. Then I'd lay in bed and relax. Then travel when I got bored of doing nothing. Then grad school
Get the fuck out of the US and move to Switzerland ASAP before everyone tries to claim their piece. Then probably take a world cruise. I think the 2-bedroom loft on the Queen Mary 2 is around $100Kpp or so.
I'd try to rule the country.
1. I'd setup a new gigabit internet company in the largest red state (Texas). Then start rolling out free gigabit internet to lower income and deeply discounted to everyone else. The goal is to undercut the competition and run them out of the state.
2. I'd setup maglev high speed rail between all major cities in Texas. Tickets will be reasonable but will undercut air travel between the cities. I will try to make airlines not run between the cities since I would be the cheaper, less hassle method.
3. I'd start a company that turns people with no tech skills into tangible skills. The company would teach unskilled workers to create their own software and tech products. In the back end AI would correct the mistakes the newbies make prior to shipping out and we'd use as learning opportunity. All products/ software would be free or deeply discounted. The goal would be to undercut non-Texas businesses (Amazon and their like).
When I've built up support with the public I'd run for governor as a liberal who can bring jobs and prosperity and cheaper life.
Once I am Governor, I'd focus on building my rail and ISP empire while still chugging Texas along as the frontier of new and cool shit. Surpassing California.
I would also try to make Texas blue with various tactics. Then I'd run for President as the guy who turned Texas into technological marvel. I will get all the blue states plus Texas.
When I am President. The real work begins. Assuming I still have any money left!
Create an organisation to analyse and propose achievable solutions for world issues.
Hire the best scientists and industry experts to collaborate on solutions.
First of all tackle the issue of avoiding destruction of markets by flooding the economy with my money. Once that's under control move onto global issues (education, green energy, large scale poverty, The poverty cycle of lower socioeconomic populations, disease, healthcare, inequality etc)
Fund any reasonable solutions from scratch, or identify organisations already starting work on them and fund them
Why stop there you can buyout Fox's contract on the X-Men and other Marvel IP and return them to the MCU. Would postpone current plans for Infinity War, but Marvel may even write you into the story for reuniting their entire universe.
Step 1. Find a way to maintain anonymity with such a huge amount of money.
Step 2. Start buying literal countries. All those little countries overrun by military dictatorships and the like. Buy them, kill the dictators. Perhaps invade with a private army or similar. Once I'm the new dictator, invest huge amounts of money into the country to raise the standard of living in the country. Agriculture, renewable resources, infrastructure, medicine, education, everything. Make those previously starving villagers the happiest motherfuckers on the planet. Take a percentage cut of GDP. Move on to next failing country and repeat.
That much money could change the balance of power in the world.
Really late to this party, but honestly, nothing crazy. If pay off the homes of all my friends and family first. If get myself a damn nice truck. Buy a property a bit more isolated and a bit bigger (me and my SO don't need anything much bigger than we have) and make it nice as fuck. Huge modern kitchen (I love to cook) a art studio for him, and probably automated.
Travel the world. Visit a country every other month and just explore different cultures. Then I'd probably give everyone I know a cool 100k just because. And every place I would eat? That waiter is getting a 1000 dollar tip if they are awesome. I'm pretty generous with my current cash when it comes to helping people, so that would just be increased a trillion fold. I don't want anything nuts. I just want a good comfortable life where I don't have to worry about anything and be able to help those I care about.
I'd be up early enough to call in to work, but I'd still go to breakfast with my dad and uncle. Take my trip this weekend, turn in my 2 weeks on Monday, and schedule all of my accrued vacation for the end of the 2 weeks.
Purchase a few hundred pastoral acres somewhere nice but unassuming, about 2-3 hours from the nearest big city, probably in Appalachia or Maine, with a bunch of fruit trees on it. Hire a handful of expert fruit farmers to cultivate a healthy fruit farm, mostly apples, pears, and peaches. Have them teach me how to run it, pay them handsomely for their time and knowledge. Live on said fruit farm, press as much as I care to into cider and applesauce and pie. Hire a couple of expert brewers to help me get good at cider milling. Sell enough to turn a reasonable profit, which I'll then put straight back into the mill/farmstead. Help work the farm, but turn most of the work over to my farmhands, who I handpick and therefor pay highly. Learn to make banjos and sell them for normal banjo prices at festivals so I don't get swamped with orders. Any money that doesn't cover me and my family living comfortably til forever in that environment and the costs of running the farm and building the banjos gets given away.
Oh, also I'm gonna have to buy my way out of the military at some point.
Pay to get my 2002 Jeep Wrangler fixed up, but my sisters 1994 Pontiac trans am from her and get it fixed up, pay my sisters way through college finally, pay off bills
Assuming it's a legitimate source of money and nobody can take it straight off of me:
1. Hire a team of lawyers and accountants, and set them up to be accountable for their own actions. Probably with the help of a philosopher.
2. Build a 'reasonable' house, except for the fact that it has a massive underground room for a literal boat-load of Lego.
3. Contract a university or firm to help me figure out how to invest/ stimulate the economy such that me parking my money somewhere doesn't depreciate currency.
4. Buy a farm, and build a trebuchet on it capable of launching a 90 kilogram projectile 300 meters.
5. Fix all the shitty roads in Sydney.
6. Buy investment property.
7. Invest in university studies on renewable energy, and how to implement those ideas.
8. Buy a rowing machine.
9. Learn Spanish.
10. Retire.
11. Maybe invest in NASA to tow some asteroid into orbit.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:04:50 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Appointment with the dentist for those fillings, new clothes, buy a fucking car, huge groceries run, oh my god... pay off my loan and credit card debt, give a ton of my money to charities and my friends and family right off the bat (later I'll be setting up my foundation), probably buy a house. I hate this question.
Quick working but invest a lot in the company just to say thanks for the opportunity and the good times. Invest in that one crazy friends kooky ideas. OK maybe two crazy friends. Buy my mom's house that's been on the market for years. Probably at 500% market value. Give the house to my aunt. Pay off the rest of my house and give it to my brother. Buy a new truck and give mine to my dad. Probably offer to buy my dad a house in Punta Cana or something. Give my wife the credit card to go apeshit on amazon. Go furniture shopping and plan a kick ass vacation. Buy a McMansion and hire a chef, cleaner, landscaper and all the rest.
Wait, is this assuming that the government and everyone will think that I got it legally? Because if I have to deal with that shit...
Okay, well, I still have 1 trillion dollars. I wanna be the person in my friend group that does absolutely nothing but bum around, and despite all of this, I'm able to afford them gifts and shit.
Fund a private military to take care of some of the fucked up shit in the world like child sex trafficking and sex slavery. Wouldn't be bound to a country so wouldn't start a war from my base of operations to an unmapped island in the Pacific.
solsav ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:20:07 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This question is actually a quite interesting thought experiment. In most cases the best you can do is to grab a few ten thousand dollars or maybe a few hundred thousand and leave that place. Otherwise you either risk your life or risk being jailed.
Get a new freaking mattress. The one I'm sleeping on is older than I am. He'll, I'd buy a full bed to sleep on and a house to put it in with furniture I didn't have to buy at goodwill. It'd still probably be cheap ( Walmart or IKEA) thou. I would never work a day in my life. Lots of online shopping for nerd stuff I don't need.
Pay off all of my debt. Buy the house i live in. Buy the neighborhood I live in. Raize it. Build a wall around it. Fill the outer perimeter with imported brush like in Sleeping Beauty. Hire a person to run errands. Drink. Die. Leave my wealth to John Kerry, because who fucking cares.
My fun answer? DO ALL THE LSD while flying with Elon Musk across the Solar system.
My serious answer? Legally retain as much as I can. If I have at least 500 billion as risk capital I will use on Russian ruble holdings. Put it in my will that when I die all my holdings will be immediately sold. Why? So Putin and every Russian leader in the future will hold my life in their best interests. Cause when those holdings are sold, bye bye whats left of Russian currency.
Are you joking? That is load of gigantic money. With 1 billion alone, you may buy anything in this world. Yacth, a mansion on the most elite place on earth, the most expensive jewelry, eat the most expensive food everyday, personal jetplane , using 100 bill for toilet paper and you still never run out a money for your entire life. With 1 trillion, you may buy Microsoft, Disney, WB, Facebook, Comcast , samsung, Nintendo and all of high tier company like buying a bread on Walmart. You are literally Illuminate with such great control and power.
If it's in the bank, first check that it's not an error and the money is really mine. Then, ask the bank if they can afford the interest on it.
If it's cash, first shovel some of it out of way so I can get out of bed. Then call the mint and ask if they remember printing that much money.
Make arrangements (hire lawyer, etc.) so that the money is safe.
Not worry anymore about how to turn what I like doing into something I can make money at. Also, build a house.
Pay for a bunch of improvements at my local hackerspace/makerspace (more space, more equipment, etc.).
Fund science and engineering, focusing on the environment, health, etc. as well as basic research. Also, establish a program to encourage 'citizen science'.
Create a foundation for social improvement, which will study the problems that exist in society and work on fixing them.
Launch a robotic mission to Mars, consisting of many satellites, landers, and balloons, to study the entire planet and its climate in detail, for which I already have a high-level plan. Then fund a crewed mission (heavily inspired by Mars Direct).
Get into asteroid mining.
Finally, pay somebody $300 a day to be woken up every morning by a guy peeing on them. (I can't believe nobody said that yet.)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:36:44 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call in rich to work.
romanpc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:37:47 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ask my SO where the other trillion went!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:37:59 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First, I'd call my student loan servicers, ask for a payoff quote for my account, and then pay them. Then, I'd ask how many accounts they can close out, right now, for good, for $100,000,000. Then I'd pay those off too, so x number of people just got their student loans paid off.
Then I'd take the leftover $900 million or so and probably create a lifestyle that is a combination of Walter Bishop and Q. I'd help as many people as I could, and stash a little away for myself.
I always wanted to vandalize the moon in a way that was visible by the naked eye from earth. With $1T I think I could make that happen. Then for the remainder of human history, people would look up at the night sky and wonder why it was flipping them off.
$500 million toward repairing and updating the US's nuclear arms threat deterrent system.
$150 million to get the nuclear codes out of the hands of the president.
$150 million towards training kids in coding and sustainable energy in public schools.
$100 million for artists over 10 years.
$50 million for my family.
$50 million for me all me all me.
Just go on a bender until I die probably. After leaving the remaining money to my family of course. And give my cunt of an ex $5, just cause I'm a petty ass mofo.
I would buy huge houses in a number of cities conveniently located near mountains all around the world and spend as much of my time snowboarding as I possibly could.
I'd leave a billion with my immediate family, a billion with my girlfriends family, then I'd buy a small apartment, and get balls deep in college. I still want to be a police officer either way. And I'd also get an upgraded car, my truck is a piece of shit. I'd probably go with a Honda Civic. Listen I may be rich but I know my place.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:04:39 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start my own business that give people better choices and opportunities. A movie theater that doesn't sell expensive candy. A car lot that doesn't rip people off purposely. Internet service that is high speed and at a fair price. A college that is quick to earn a degree and provides hands on training, while at the same time is creditable and affordable. A shelter for anyone who wants to better themselves for whatever reason. Then I would quit my job and buy a BMW i8 and the best Tesla that can drive itself. I would probably play video games and pursue YouTube as a full time hobby, while traveling the world.
Move away with my daughter. Probably back to California. And go back to school there. And buy a small house for her and I. And a car. And a private education for my daughter. And dance lessons for her. Singing lessons, art classes, computer classes, whatever she wants to do with her life.
Buy a flesh light to create a mold of it. Put as much money as i can in a blender to make UR3 mix out of money. Then i could have a moneybasedUR3 fleshlight to masterbate for a while... Wow i cant beleive i actually thought about this...
Buy all the land they are developing around my hometown and turn it into a national park! Then I don't know what I'd do with the rest probably try to set up my family for the rest of their lives!
Buy up some land and start building castles, forts, towers. With air-strips, etc. Start holding events at all these places and gather like minded people. Start religion.
Pay off student loan. Pay off overdraft. Be happy. Buy all of whatever things I feel like collecting. Expand parents home and do all the upgrades they wanted. Buy more camera equipment. Retire, travel, take photos. post my photos online. Reddit.
Buy the best top of the line computer parts and a desk worth more than most people's cars. Then buy a cheap flip phone to take pictures of it all and post on PCMR showing off my "starter setup" and ask if it's good enough to play Minecraft.
I will build schools, hospitals, farms, houses, fund the initial steps to create Martian atmosphere, and create the biggest happy project for the world.
natt101 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:46:52 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
sponsor a bunch of overwatch teams, pay them well and buy some nice team houses. Maybe even organize a few tournaments with huge cash prizes. Then I would try to see if I could make it as a professional overwatch player myself if I didn't have to do anything.
Donate to education (science, math, arts). I'd set up free schools, starting at poor neighborhoods then branching out from there. Schools would start from pre-school all the way to university.
Not have to worry about where I am going to find the money to pay for my college education and finding a new home in another country like Sweden or Switzerland.
Immediately buy tickets to the next flight to WA to see my sister. Eventually, I'd buy each of my siblings a car and a nice sized house, and make the mansion of my dreams a reality. Then I'd pay all of the vet bills for every animal set to be euthanized in my state, and I'd have a sanctuary set up for them to live happily.
I would pay my parents back for everything I can think of they paid for me unnecessarily, ask the girl I like on a date, donate a shit ton of it to various charities and other similar things, oh, and definitely buy a bunch of Legos and video games I wanted since I was a kid.
Go right the fuck back to sleep. I ain't gots ta do shit!
Mona310 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:44:13 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my muthafuckin student loans!
But my mom a mansion.
Pay off family/friends debt.
Get tax advice and an attorney asap.
Start an engineering firm with my 3 closest engineer friends and build cool shit for fun.
tenjuu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:44:15 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a small, quaint home in Greenland, Ireland or Scotland with plenty of acreage. Put aside a couple billion to pay expenses for the rest of our families lives until 3017, and donate the rest.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:45:19 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire a lawyer to start a "blind trust," drop +10% into a charity as thanks, buy Mom a house with a sunny view, let my wife know she can stop teaching those monsters' children; then go into work & get yelled at by my boss -for his mistakes- as if nothing unusual happened.
Make sure no one knows who the hell I am and use the money to benefit my life over the course of a year so its not to suspicious. Why a year? Because I'll be making sure that money pays off any debts for my family, set my college and my familys college funding for the next 20+ generations, move away to a nice town and live a nice but more comfortable life.
Oh and get a career.
What? Having all that money with nothing to do or work for would be Boooooooring as fuck.
Zomborz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:48:03 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy an island, build a mega castle, and set my family up forever
r8j1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:49:36 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Come back to the United States and never leave again
rci22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:50:15 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well I'd probably start by getting out of bed and going to the bathroom to pee.
Dean403 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:51:14 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Step 2: Figure out how much I need to keep it amazing until I die
Step 3: spend the leftover on buying out energy companies and making them go renewable. Anything I make off the company goes back into upgrading to clean energy, until the conversion is complete.
Step 4: use profits from energy companies to repeat step 3 until I die or we're not using fossil fuels anymore. If I manage to get us off of dinosaur power, I then put the profits into a global basic income.
Step 5: I die, my will says to sell all my assets and divide up all my money to everyone in the world. The economy can go screw itself, capitalism isn't gonna fix itself.
EDIT: Oh, and I'll put aside enough of that initial oil money to become the majority shareholder of de beers diamond monopoly, then sell diamonds for their actual worth. I don't care if I'm not getting that money back, it's worth the reduced stress for people looking to propose.
I'd save the rain forest and the wetlands. Maybe give everybody in Atlanta an electric car. I'd definitely get electric buses for the schools. After that, free college for scientists in training. And crazy money for social engineers that can prevent traffic, because I hate traffic. No more traffic! Carpool y'all or drive in style, but no commuting. Just no.
My local supermarket sells sour gummy worms at $5 for 3 pounds. With 1 trillion dollars I would be able to purchase 600 billion pounds of sour gummy worms. That it, mission accomplished, I quit my job and rest with 600 billion pounds of gummy worms.
Buy apple and start a line of retro computers and phone just down grade everything to 90s tech with current software and see how long apple fan boys stick around.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:14:04 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make a round trip to Mars!
CRAG7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:16:33 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cry from happiness that I don't have to job hunt anymore, then get incredibly paranoid. Follow that up with getting legal advice and an accountant.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:26:19 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my debts, buy my dad a house, and put the rest in trust.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:29:06 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my student loans and car payments.
Do the same for my partner.
Pay off medical bills for my parents.
Drop to part time at my job.
Slap some money into my Roth IRA.
Build a beast gaming PC.
Upgrade to a PS4 Pro.
Purchase 1 copy of every different type of Blaziken Pokรฉmon card ever printed.
Buy a kit Kat big Kat.
Zosky1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:29:22 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy snapchat, make snapchat cost 1.99 USD, make all filters cost money. Watch the panic ensue among high school students as I sit back on my own cruise ship.
Honestly, I'd probably figure out a way to throw that weight around to fix some of the big capitalism-related problems in the US. Also, fund Elon Musk.
Buy my father the car if his dreams, my mom a brand new kitchen, and both of them a trip of a lifetime to where ever they want to go. Pay for my little sister to go to which ever university she wants to go to. Repay my parents for my schooling, buy a house, a reliable car, and all the best creature comforts I need. And a fuck load of pot
Ever since my teens I've promised myself that if I somehow were to win a shit ton of money, the first thing I'll do is buy myself the biggest, baddest desktop computer I can.
Go get a job at mcdonalds, and when something happens I dont wanna deal this I throw a cheeseburger at my manager and say: Fuck this shit, I dont need this job anyway.
Buy a nice mid sized home somewhere with enough space and good internet. Then fly about 30 friends from around the world over and we would all hang out.
Step 2: I will return to my work, and subtly I will talk about my new great idea (The idea will be really stupid, awful, disgusting - [For example a T-Shirts that smells like farts]).
Step 3: Take an extensive leave from work (in order to do research and development for my idea).
Step 4: Show of to my ex-coworkers that with my idea I became a multi-billionaire.
The trick would work also by having that ridiculous project on kick starter and fun yourself. Create a company out of this and laugh with all the business analysts trying to understand how your idea was "innovative"
I'd move the love of my life to my state and set us both up with our dream property. Keep enough to comfortably live off of with minimal work/sustainability. The rest i'd put towards changing individual lives like I did with my own but on a smaller scale.
zeom22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:41:34 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep
4inR ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:41:43 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ignoring the boring legal stuff....
I'd buy one living space in every major city on earth, get a new face, and wander the world for a while. Help out people I meet with secret donations. Keep a low profile. Observe the human condition in different places.
After I feel I've seen enough, finance space colonization and build the first major city off of earth. Begin preparing for the future.
After that plan is taking care of itself, feel guilty about forgetting about the present. Work to better living situations in developing countries. Fight slavery and oppression. Ensure global access to basic resources. This part never ends.
Get invested in public global education. Maybe build a free international super-school to encourage the planet's brightest minds to innovate. Expand, build more schools.
Get bored. Buy a country. Introduce universal income and collaborate with world class designers and scientists to create a living experiment. Refine the experimental society, trying to make it continually better. Tinker with it until I die.
Side projects.
Microcommunities. Build experimental housing to study different forms of living interaction. Make designs, build, observe, refine, repeat.
Tell me your dreams stream. Do a live stream where I ask people to tell me their aspirations. Get ideas, help those with good ideas. Encourage people to try to be better and to do the things they think are right for the world.
Random sample panels. Randomly select people in whichever country I'm working with, and hold a live panel on social issues. Really try to understand people's perspectives. Start community initiatives to enable communication with the broader communities, not just people's immediate circles. Get people involved.
A new global holiday: Tiny Day (Smalliday). It's a day of perspective, where we think about how small we are in the universe, and how our differences are petty in the large scale. Plus 3 random countries get free ice cream on this day, vegan options available.
Defa1t_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:43:00 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Save half of it then give a billion dollars to all my family members and close friends then spend it as I will.
When I am elected, in my first public speech I will say:
From this day on, the official language of United States will be Swedish. Silence! In addition to that, all citizens will be required to change their underwear every half-hour. Underwear will be worn on the outside so we can check. Furthermore, all children under 16 years old are now... 16 years old!
CoDog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:46:35 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
After nervously laughing internally, I'd pay off my mortgage, pay off my mum/dad's debts, give them and my siblings 1 million each. I'd buy a plot of land on the Campsie hills, build myself a nice house - the view would be amazing, I'd live there for a while out the way of everyone.
After a while I'd probably buy a property abroad and stay there for a while. My original house would be rented out for a cheap price
At one point I actually tried to spend a trillion dollars. As a 10 year old with internet access in 2004, I ended up buying a few islands and a personal military's worth of decommissioned jets, tanks, and APCs. After all that, the annual interest at even 0.1% put me back over a trillion dollars.
You fund the shit out of stuff you want to see a reality.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:01:09 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build a new pc and a lot of games from steam, the proceed to wath youtube videos on it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:08:34 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Keep 200 billion for selfish purposes; random spending
300 billion for philanthropy, making the world a better place in general
Invest the rest for future generations, and so I don't collapse the economy or some shit as if 500 billion wasn't enough
gtrcar5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:10:46 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Nestle and turn them into a nice company that doesn't steal water from people & use child labour to make chocolate.
Buy controlling stakes in all of the major tobacco companies in order to cease all of their lobbying activities.
Then I would buy a vineyard in Piedmont in Northern Italy, hire someone to look after the vines & make the wine whilst I take up position as head of quality & tasting.
Maybe a little late but idc... assuming I am the rightful owner of the money...
I would try to make the world a good place by forcing as many as possible countries to improve their infrastructure, education, health care, science & research, etc. They will have to do it because I pay for everything. I'd buy companies that are directly involved in it and set high standards but also give a better pay.
Also I would want them to increase taxes for all tobacco products, alcohol and unhealthy foods. Depending on the level of damage it can do.
The motto is:"Do something good for the world. Get a good life in return." That means a lot of high paid work all over the world. With focus on countries below the equator. A lot of the European/ North American countries don't need that much attention for now and labor costs in "poorer" places in the world is cheaper. It will be a long process anyways and people need to see progress.
I just buy certain media companies and spread the word.
Probably there will be rebellions in most countries where the government says no to my plans.
I could start a mafia where people get paid cash to build schools/ universities or provide knowledge.
Also I would make it illegal to produce weapons of any kind and pursue every country that says no. I don't even need military for it. With the economical power I now have I can make sanctions like governments.
Although, at some point I would install a world wide anti-weapon police to strategically retrieve and destroy as many weapons as possible.
Basically I want to take over the world. And get my dick sucked every day while I order around world leaders as I watch the defeat in their eyes.
If the money is not mine tho... I would probably have real bad mood for a while and rant about the stupid bank for the rest of my life. And shed a single tear everytime I do.
Edit: Forgot about one thing...
if the money came from somewhere else, the economy world-wide might be shattered. This could lead to the money being worthless.
If the money appeared from nowhere it might cause inflation to a catastrophic extend. Which could make the money worthless as well.
OP secretly wants to see the world burn. Sorry for bad english
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:22:47 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the company where I work and become the coolest boss that the world has ever known
JayM19 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:24:16 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd hire the best scientists, economists etc and get them to figure out how best to improve the world with the money. I'd hire other people to oversee and manage things to avoid corruption. I want the best bang for my buck and the most good done to the world, and hopefully a lasting legacy of better thinking.
I wouldn't do anything because I would think the bank would notice soon and take all the money from my account and then I'd have to pay whatever I spent back.
I'd also cry.
watsee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:28:14 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy all of the tickets to a show by a band/singer I really don't like, then just not bother turning up.
CatToys ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:32:28 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off student loans, then take the remaining 3 bucks and go get a cheeseburger
Jepson_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:39:54 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire every PMC I can and take over a country. Then install myself as leader and collect the best advisors worldwide. After this I spend a fucking ton of money on building infrastructure and factories and luring in foreign investment, securing education and food for everyone in the nation. Then I ally with the closest superpower and sit back as el presidente. My own lil tropico. Oh yeah and buy a Nintendo switch, maybe even treat myself to some fiji water and ferreros.
Get an elaborate impenetrable vault far underground. Do you think there is a bank that can store one trillion dollars!?! Your money is gonna get stolen by some guys in clown masks or something, I'm gonna keep my cash money safe.
Probably die. For example, getting hit by a giant gold meteorite.
Otherwise, figure out what's going on, and find a suitable lawyer.
As for what I DO with it, assuming I just suddenly and legitimately get access to that much wealth.
I hire some economists, and some people good at making computer models of whole economies. If I'm going to spend this, I'd prefer to only break the economy in the ways I want it to be broken.
Also, decoys and personal security.
I start an education program aimed at public school students that are being held back by the pace of their instruction. Basically, partially automated instruction paced exactly to the particular student, with the teachers acting more like tutors, generating interest and helping out with difficult bits.
Lets say this is something like 10 billion plus 1 billion per year. Preferably make the automated part of the instruction freely available to everyone, and offer the students that perform best in that a seat at schools designed to optimize it, and cover the system's weaknesses.
With the rest, put my current ISP out of business, fund some science missions, Try to build a prototype launch loop.
Oh, and spend 10m or so on a kickass home shop, computer, car, truck, house, etc. Not a mansion, 3bed 3.5 bath is more than enough. Just with all the little details done perfectly.
I'd make a deal with the government, I'll pay Canada's whole government debt if they let me keep the rest.
Then I retire on the retarded amount of money left.
Priyon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:55:42 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll realize that is not the reality. I'll go back to sleep and wake up being a broke loser again.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:01:01 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Create a series of productive businesses that pay employees living wages (after putting ten million dollars in an annuity just in case i lose it all) and push out major corporations that use foreign workers and pay wages under $30k a year. Also a few animal sanctuaries and maybe buy out major areas of the rest belt, rip out all the concrete, steel, and what and turn them into food forest (fruit trees planted everywhere) with areas for sanctuaries for unwanted pets (all animals get fixed).
I would focus on overpopulation. This is truly the root of all the world's ills. I would start a foundation who's function is voluntary sterilization. Depending on the country, socioeconomic status, etc., I would offer men an amount of money to get a permanent vasectomy. $1,000 bucks, $10,000. Whatever the tipping point is to get the most volunteers for the least money. Bonuses would be paid to men who haven't reproduced yet. Of course I would invest all the money not actively being used to hopefully have enough to do everyone. Pun intended.
We are fucking destroying this unfathomably unique gem of rock we call home. It's entirely humanity's fault and we just keep on fucking. W have to get rid of some people. Like 6 out of the 7 billion gotta go.
Think about how far Billy Gates' money would go if there were only 14% of the targeted recipients remaining. His foundations would reach all of their goals.
If I had remaining funds I would then start planting trees. Any poor people would be given the job of planting trees based on incentives per tree. A second group would be responsible for trying to keep the saplings alive. I might consider something more drastic or immediate to pull the carbon from the sky.
Also, drugs. So many drugs. I would recreate the briefcase from Fear and Loathing, but on a massive scale. I would hire my own personal chemist to produce all the crazy Research Chems. Of course it goes without saying my close friends would all be liberated from their occupations so they could come try every drug ever made with me. That's what I'd do, well all that stuff I just wrote plus OP's mom. I'd totally do her so good. Pow! Right in the kisser.
Get my passport renewed, a tour visa, a brand spanking new camera, and however long it takes touring the entirety of my favorite country. Trying their cuisine, culture, photographing everything I see there, whatever. Then at the end give what's left of the trillion(which would still be a lot) to my family back home and then off myself in some isolated place.
quit my job. Tell them working saturday and sundays is bullshit especially when i drive 1 hour each way and get paid salary. so my 8 hour days are actually 10, get about 70 hours a week get paid for 40. TITS OUT..
Then id invest alot, buy a huge boat, new trucks, new sports cars, you know the guy stuff
I would pay off all my bills, and those of my friends and family. New car, house repairs, etc. After that, I would totally Warren Buffett Things. Not lead an extravagant lifestyle, invest wisely, and charities.
I would probably retire, so my wife and I could adopt and be a stay at home dad.
Whatever I wanted. And I don't mean like rich guy blowing money everywhere stuff. Just not work. Play some video games. Go for a drive. Walk in the park. Things I don't have time to do because there's bills to pay.
zagoth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:34:08 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
first spend a few 10s of millions ensuring my own protection for the near future as well as financial advice.
establish a trust fund for every school in Australia, ensuring that they can only spend the trust funds interest (200 billion) assuming 8% rate of return each school should rake in 1.5million each year ensuring that the quality of education skyrockets. Also ensure that they reinvest some of this money so the money does not eventually became worthless due to inflation.
do a similar thing with universities except with 100 billion ensuring that higher education is free or at least reduced to a trivial amount
use 400 billion to create and or assist agencies dedicating to fighting disease and creating usable and available birth control in the 50 lowest scoring nations on the human development index. also create aid in creating infrastructure and educational facilities. Again i would like these agencies to be perpetual and to not have to rely on continuous financial aid.
create another trust worth 50 billion for the care for and resettlement of refugees.
30 billion goes toward either creating a new space based company or financing an existing one, whichever my experts advise is the better long term odds of success.
10 billion for research to slow ageing or at least reduce the danger of brain degeneration diseases.
70 billion to develop cheaper renewable energy sources and create companies who would make use of these resources.
25 billion in one of these trusts to create shows and or movies, games, and books which dont need to make money so much as simply create good content. Things like ROME which despite being quite good, simply did not bring enough of a crowd to be financially viable.
4 billion will be kept for a year or 2 "minor" projects as they come up. Eg veteran aid, or drug rehabilitation services. Until i divest myself of it.
keep 1 billion for shits and gigs, who could possibly need any more.
Notes and reasons for
The stuff for only Australia is there for one because im fairly nationalistic. Also because its probably the largest country where this amount of the money still has a staggering effect. It would be interesting to see how much the government would cut funding for these essential services due to the fact that schools and unis financial services are largely dealt with.
I also want to note that i dont want to have anything to do with any of these trusts and companies in the long run. Having a shit ton of money is dangerous and i would probably rid myself of even that last 5 billion down to a few million because i would feel like there was a target on my back whether or not there actually was.
Finally, i spent way too much time thinking about this.
I would try my best to live a normal life. Pay off my student loans, buy my family's farm back. Maybe buy a house. Donate a bunch to Planned Parenthood and the ACLU. Go on a trip maybe.
This is all assuming I'm the only one with the trillion and none of you guys got any. Because if you all got a trillion, welp, they're worth lower than Zimbabwe Dollars. Anyway.
Hire a crack team of archaeologists and cave explorers. Basically, I want them to be locked away forever while I have them make a map to a trove I stashed worth $500 million on an island I purchased. Next, launch an ad campaign basically telling them that there is $500 mill up for grabs I want to see who finds it first. The catch is they could all die trying to get to the trove. And once they get there... They'll find a note inside.
Am I the only one who would spend that money investing massively in healthcare and education in developing countries, as well as environmental projects?
Because I'd like to think that's what I'd do if I had the GDP of a country at my disposal. I mean. I'd also retire, travel the world, and pay off all my family's debts--you don't run out of that kind of money quickly, especially not if you invest a big chunk of it. And I don't have or care to have an ultra luxurious lifestyle. I'd rather give a kid an education than shit on a golden toilet. Wealth like that just makes me uncomfortable tbh.
I don't have any real moral contract to give to charity or save the world-- I'd collect all of the people I know of that deserve a break, and give them a healthy amount of money that would enable them to live how they wanted, without need of working or stressing over bills. No catch. Just take it and enjoy life.
dion_o ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:11:59 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would use my immense power and influence to engage in a decades-long campaign of revenge and humiliation against anyone who has ever wronged me.
My campaign would be so meticulous and the destruction so complete that it would make the Count of Monte Cristo look like a road rage incident.
Remind every politician that Net Neutrality is important. I will have my checkbook out as I say this.
Buy out every vacant residence in the country and see if we can't fix this homeless problem
Start a grocery chain that offers Whole Foods style produce and merchandise without the price or the superiority in location competition with Wal-Marts
Get myself on the boards of various public transportation systems, get them to reduce rates, increase mileage, and increase service frequencies
Convince state and federal governments to make tuition to publicly funded higher education tuition-free. This will be done simply by me paying taxes.
Start an independent SuperPAC whose mandate is to forward the political careers of politicians who have demonstrated commitment to the goals stated above. The first ad that this SuperPAC would run is during the Super Bowl, where it shows me writing a $27 check to Bernie Sanders.
I would start and invest give money to good renewable companies that need the money buy all the video games go on a trip to land on the moon then just save the rest buy a house and driverless car.
Sit down and talk with Elon Musk and Bill Gates about solving various major problems (hunger, poverty, etc.), and then putting people on Mars so we can survive if something happens. Then build anti-asteroid defense systems, and invest anything left over. Use the profits from the investments to fund education.
If you have a house in which you can fit one trillion dollars of any useful currency, stones or precious metal then you already have a decent life going.
Buy those games that I had my eye on but couldn't quite afford
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:33:07 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck that, I'd buy out local game shops then drop off random loads of them off at high schools, libraries and various other bizarre locations that I believe will have people who can enjoy the games.
Give my parents enough to pay off their debts and pay off my college fees.get a nice house for my friends and I at University next fall. Also ALL THE GAMES!
That's interesting. You would give your parents just enough to pay off debts but not more so that they can retire and enjoy their retirement? Also, you would continue schooling? I guess if you enjoy learning. But you could do online courses from Harvard and MIT from your private yacht while docked in the south of France.
I would keep around 1 million dollars so I can live a good life and probably spend the rest of it on cancer research. I hate cancer, I've lost several friends to it and nobody deserves to have it.
Panic. Every second... so much taxes... the responsibility... who's that guy, is he here to ask for money... can't breath... I think my dog is trying to kill me for the inheritance... what year is it... I think my heart wants my money and is holding my blood hostage... why is there no air in this room can I not afford air with all this money...
Zzokat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:32:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We discuss this quite a bit in the office as we play the lotto once a month and we chat about what we'd do with the millions we'd each win.
I specifically would just pay off my student loan debt ASAP. Then I would pay off the mortgage on my house. I would then look at jobs that I would enjoy more but wouldn't pay the bills the way my current job does. I might even plan one really nice holiday.
That's all I could probably accomplish in one day. After that I would probably buy a few rental properties and renovate my house to be the way that I want it and I would just save the rest.
First step: blow 100,000 on bullshit
Second step: invest
Third step: buy politicians
Novaraa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:55:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
cure cancer, buy a country and make it a healthy science based place that is accepting of all cultures and has awesome food. cure cancer with nanotech and cure everything else along the way. end world poverty and homelessness and give an equal education to everybody even if they arent in a poor country because no matter where you go even in a rich country there are those that do not have access to an equal education. and build a trebuchet that can launch 90000kg 30000000 miles boom!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:55:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One trillion dollars. What a stupid useless thing.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To put this into some perspective since "trillion" is firmly in the category of "no seriously I can't even comprehend that much money":
One of the most expensive purchases you will make in your life is a car. One of the most expensive high-performance cars made was the Pagani Zonda Revolucion, and since it's basically an F1 car, and the measly 3 million dollar price tag is nothing to you, let's say you want your own private raceway. The cost of doing that according to Top Gear (and I'm quoting this from memory) was somewhere around $5 billion.
If you bought 50 of those cars, and a different race track for each, you'd still have just shy of 900 billion dollars to spend.
So let's talk about houses: the most expensive house in the world is a 27 story skyscraper in an expensive district in Mumbai; it costs $1 billion. You could afford to put one of those on each of your 50 race tracks (we'll ignore that a big reason that that place costs so much is the location for simplicity's sake), and still not be under 800 billion. You could repeat this process roughly 5 more times, for a total of about 250 racetrack mansions to deplete your fortune if you were being entirely frivolous.
There's absolutely no way a raceway would cost anywhere near $5 billion. I doubt it would even top $20 million, unless you're talking full stadium with absolutely all the amenities. Even then, there's no way it's going over $100 million. Also you quoted $5 billion for a racetrack, said you'd buy 50 of them, then said you'd have just under $900 billion left. 5 * 50 = 250, which means you'd have $750 billion left.
You don't math good
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:30:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
well shit, back to the drawing board.
Raph_E ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:57:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:02:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest, wait 5 years, then wipe Canada's deficit and live on the remaining billions forever. I'd get my own page in the history books.
Kaiiro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:05:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
a trillion? as in 1000 billion? well, id pay off my parent's house, cars, etc... give them a million, all my friends a million, donate a few to my school, hospitals, etc.
most people would say they would drop out of school and go live a life of luxury. but, to be honest, i feel like i would get super bored after a week. id probably stay in high school and college, get some casual office job, just for something to do. and, the best part is that i would never get stressed. if anything bad happened in school, i can always say that it doesnt matter if it doesnt work out because i have a fucking trillion dollars
Give my parents 10 mil a piece, my sister 3, and everyone else gets what they get from me when I decide to give it. Other than that? To hell with any other life stress from that moment of victory on. I'll donate my home I live in now to someone in need. I'll give my truck to someone or some kid who needs to get to school/work. And I'll disappear immediately to wherever my happy ass decides is best. For atleast a few weeks. Because I'll probably have a mansion wherever it is. RIP Biggie Smalls
Get the ball rolling on the construction of my dream house. Its not very big on the surface but it goes down three stories into a self sufficient bomb shelter.
Buy a top of the line RV and travel North America on a food tour (specifically the BBQ capitals).
When I return from my gluttonous road trip, I'll hire the best Hollywood personal trainers to shed the weight.
Now I'm fit, healthy, and rich. I can live my life as I see fit, and write the novels I've been dreaming about since high school.
I'd still go to work.
I'd do my work and when I heard anyone having trouble with whatever. I'd leave money for them the next day.
I'd also donate to my favorite twitch streamers just to see the reactions.
Then start doing local charity work in my city. And probably anything I heard about on the radio having to do with veterans.
Awizy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A trillion in the system we have in Sweden or a trillion in the American system? Because a trillion in Sweden is a thousand billion which is a thousand milliards which is a thousand millions instead of the us system skipping milliards and replacing them with billions?
Buy a several thousand acre ranch in the north west and build my dream lodge, complete with a shooting range, woodworking and blacksmithing shop, weed farm, and badass backyard roller coaster. After that, I'd do some travel, and comfortably living out the rest of my life tucked away from society. Just shooting guns, making stuff, and growing weed for other people (not a smoker but I just think it would be fun)
Well, where do I start? I guess I'll probably put a small amount into savings. Either that or invest that small amount, just so it can potentially grow.
From there, tell my sister that she won't have to worry about paying for college, because I'm going do that for her.
Then, I suppose I'll take some of my personal belongings, sell the rest, and move to a certain island in the Caribbean. A place where the water's blue, and the only thing I need to wear is a white shirt and a pair of swim trunks.
Hire someone smarter than me to handle the money, then do whatever I want anyway because a trillion dollars is A LOT of fuckin money.
Set up trust funds for my family so that they get ample finances, and will (hopefully) never fucking bug me for more.
Buy back my grandmother's house from the bank, get a lot of it renovated (especially the landscaping) and hire someone to help her around the house while I'm not there.
Marry my girlfriend, and help her open the store she wants to eventually open. She's really into home made trinkets and stuff. Doesn't have to be financially stable, just as long as she's happy.
Probably buy out the association that owns the housing tract I'm in so that we can have proper maintenance done on the roads, piping, internet, and parks. If not the association then I don't fucking know, the point is I'd own the damn thing and fix it.
Find a decent plot of land in the bad part of town and build a homeless shelter that isn't a complete pile of shit. Hire enough people to keep it constantly in good shape, clean, and functioning 100% for 24 hours a day. Give my employees great benefits so that they are both inclined to stay and to make it easier to get rid of, and replace, employees who do a terrible job.
Finally be able to afford a 1440p144hz monitor and I'd buy 3 of those fuckers and no one could say shit. Then in 2 months probably buy like 3 4k monitors just because I fuckin can.
Figure out a way to buy the Los Angeles Chargers so that I can return then to San Diego where they fucking belong (I'm not even a fan) and build them a new stadium and tell the city to go fuck themselves because I can afford to do that.
Find some really good beer guys to open a craft brewery where the beer is sold at a loss and isn't just 942 types of fucking IPAs. Cheap craft beer available for everyone in a lot of varying flavors.
Buy a cabin in the mountains, make some ISP run fiber to the place and if they say no I tell them to go fuck themselves I'll start my own fucking ISP. Assholes.
Buy a modest car, I don't need anything fancy.
Bribe my way into owning a house in Switzerland or Norway, them places is gorgeous.
Get a dog. A big, dumb, good dog.
Start a company that produces vape stuff that is also able to sell at a loss so that it's still an inexpensive and available alternative to smoking, chewing gum, or patches. This goes from mods to juices to other accessories.
There's other shit too, but basically with that kind of money, you can do a lot of good and silly shit. I'd like to think I'd stay fairly modest because of how I grew up but I'm pretty sure I'd have a golden house by the time I was 50 with fucking tigers prowling the backyard or some shit.
Tie up the courts system with free appeals for any crimes where I don't personally agree with the perpetrator being arraigned for. Caught with drugs? Drug driving? Tax evasion? Anything else I think should not be a criminal offence? No worries, we'll waste as much court time as possible for each and every case where I don't personally agree with the police prosecution. Teach the police and the courts exactly how things should work and not the other way around.
Ryokoo ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:53:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my student loans. Then use the remainder to buy me a fancy valu menu lunch at McDonalds.
Take a short break from work next fall to;
Go to school for fun, not take a single test. Maybe take law.
Build a racecar and race it like hell
Start a small business incubator.
Open an outdoor shooting range here.
Probably become president of Mexico and actually make it a place that people are clamouring to leave.
Yeah. Thats it so far.
Then maybe go back to work when im done.
Jaereth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to school for fun, not take a single test
I've done this before but you should really take the tests. If you are there because you are passionate for the subject you probably know the info anyway because you were simply there to learn, not achieve a higher goal. Then it's always on your record and who knows?
It costs on the order of $1000 per head of population to build a desalination plant. I think with a trillion dollars, I can generate enough fresh water to basically solve the middle east, most of whose problems can be traced back to not having enough water.
Pay off my college , pay off my parents debt , save for my brother and my sisters college fund, buy a house, buy 5 dogs and 5 cats , prepare for my 10 year long training to become batman.
frogspa ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:24:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy as much of the Amazon as possible and start researching the remaining plants for medicine.
That and tell my bosses to go fuck themselves.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:36:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would keep 0,01% and invest 99,99% into my own giant pharma corp, hire the best researchers money can buy and give away all meds I make for free by operating off the interest. And I'd invest every penny of these interests that was leftover into more research.
I'd advance human medicine and put big pharma out of business, all by myself.
BasChan ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:12:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put aside enough to finish college, pay out of my lease and rent a better apartment by myself without my roommates. Then I'd buy my cats an awesome tower thing.
The rest would probably be spent on a car and I'd buy myself a ps3 because I don't have my own but I've got a shit ton of ps3 games...I'd also get my computer working properly (or buy a new one).
The rest would probably be put aside for rent and food.
Put aside...you have enough for three lifetimes, the fuck would you need to put money aside for.
BasChan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Paranoia. You never know what could happen.
Plus there's random medical expenses because I'm constantly sick or injured, car and computer maintenance, and vet bills for my cats and their food and stuff...I'm a member of my local bdsm club so I've got to pay for my dinners at the munches and the entry fee once a week. Also I'd wanna put aside some to get interest in bank accounts for my siblings...
I dunno. I guess I wouldn't wanna spend too much upfront because I'd feel guilty for spending so much money. I feel guilty for spending $1 for the bus. I dunno how well I'd handle spending a trillion...
nachC ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:23:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would use that money to make people understand that calling a 1 followed by 12 zeroes "a trillion" is stupid. Or I'd just make coffe and take a shit.
โข Payment of further degrees and courses to further my understanding
โข Hire someone to be my on call advisor.
โข Find out how best to cause socialcultural change that is mutually positive for all. Maybe pay some analysts to do this. Chuck money at the solution until it happens.
I'd pay off my family's debts, remodel my home, and donate half of the total sum to planned parenthood and Doctors Without Borders. Then I think I'd do some angel investing and get to the gym every day.
Edit: buy a horse. I miss horseback riding.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:59:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy some of the largest and least-needed companies in the world such as Coca Cola and rip them apart, sell off the pieces for pennies to people who have big dreams and hearts but no money and the rest would go toward making individual lives better when I saw a sincere need, Seven Pounds style. My money would run out quickly despite the massive number "trillion" if I gave it away to everyone in need. So I would need to think hard about how to give it to people who cause a Rube-Goldberg effect on their good fortune.
Also I would attempt to gain control of every intelligence agency in the world and force them to do kind things for each others' nations. I would buy laws that change the way we govern ourselves in regards to privacy, ownership, intellectual property, basic income. I'd be so rich that I wouldn't give a shit about what the opposition thinks. We're willing to tackle every stupid and impossible problem until it has to do with helping others because no one thinks anyone should have it easier than them.
Well everyone would simply have to deal with the new world where we don't let people die for no reason. Instead of wealth or insecurity guiding each principle, I would force us to evolve in a world that reflects the abundance and privilege that plenty of us have experienced.
We love building casinos in deserts because they make money. We rob nearby locations for water just to support gluttonous monuments like hotels that reach the sky, etc. Instead, I would use that same arrogant effort to force clean water to places like Nigeria so we can begin educating the people who need it most.
Because as I said, these things aren't impossible. They just don't make people money so no one gives a shit. I would change that and I would make people give a shit. I would make fun of people who have money but don't choose the most potent actions. It would be cool to help people rather than it currently being cool to be a narcissistic, apathetic teenager who never grew up or got the "i hate people" chip off their shoulder.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:11:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get a financial advisor asap and pay off my college debt immediately. That's all I got rn
fungah ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:53:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Isis. I wouldn't do anything with Isis. I'd pay them not to anything in fact. Inside of a huge dome outfitted with cameras. And charge $5.00 a head to visit the Isis zoo.
One trillion dollars could buy a lot of bling
One trillion dollars could buy most anything
One trillion dollars buying bullets, buying guns
One trillion dollars in the hands of killers, thugs
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 15:04:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That would barely put a dent in 1 trillion dollars. I don't need 1 trillion dollars. I could give away everything but a billion and still be set for life.
It would make the world a better and safer place to live, IMO.
Saved comment
[deleted] ยท 3017 points ยท Posted at 14:41:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Slazman999 ยท 2253 points ยท Posted at 18:44:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a car wash.
Addymestic ยท 784 points ยท Posted at 20:02:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have an A1 day!
[deleted] ยท 470 points ยท Posted at 20:13:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck you! ...and your eyebrows.
Sbahou254 ยท 83 points ยท Posted at 00:36:10 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Throws pizza onto roof
Big_Jake704 ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 01:02:17 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Conversations like this are why I joined Reddit.
Troll521 ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 01:42:20 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's even better when we know what they're talking about ;)
Sbahou254 ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 01:50:01 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Breaking Bad references
Whitehawk120 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 04:07:01 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks Captain obv :)
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:51:53 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It takes alot to be more annoying than Captain America
Troll521 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:25:09 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lmao ik I was poking fun at other threads :)
young_frogger ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 07:31:59 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
WIPE DOWN THIS!!
Yankeeknickfan ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:11:28 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You got to be shitting me
unkiejubjub ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:31:24 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What's for breakfast?
UberAndLyftSuck ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 21:32:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was thinking laser tag
peanutsandfuck ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:37:38 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait for it...
mrm3x1can ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 18:55:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a country's worth of car washes
yousakura ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 20:05:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Place it in the Vatican, italian cars rolling in 24/7
ItsMacAttack ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:28:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wash all of the cars with holy water while you're at it.
Toxicitor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:25:31 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give a million dollars to each of the cardinals and hire someone to kill the pope. Pay off his security if you need to. After enough bribery, only the REALLY devout christians won't want to vote you in as Pope for Life. And then the holy see is yours. *Or you're the holy see's, depending on how you look at it).
[deleted] ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 20:00:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Archardy ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:33:41 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ya, but buy like 500 chicken restaurants
Actionmaths ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 21:09:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or a launderette.
Captain_Panic316 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 20:06:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
buy a Yacht wash. set up in Abu Dhabi Saudi Princes need yachts washed too.
dudius7 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 20:26:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, a banana stand.
Bio_slayer ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 21:12:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good idea. There is always money in the banana stand.
infomissile ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:52:59 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We burned it down
torsoboy00 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:22:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Walter Junior breakfast.
Fastllama13 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:44:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And pay Bryan Cranston to run it for you.
BubblingMonkey ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:09:07 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or a pizza parlor, apparently those were popular in the mafia.
Neil2250 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:38:59 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
greg?
TacticalCanine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:01:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Where did he get the money for a car wash?
infomissile ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:53:22 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gambling
AlbusSiriusPotter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:27:46 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shouldn't he just buy a dry cleaning business? That's how you get things laundered.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:17:59 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's too obvious. How about laser tag!
peanutsandfuck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:18 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Better idea: Laser... (wait for it)... tag! Laser tag!
Hello_Mr_Fancypants ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:13:20 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy EVERY car wash. FTFY
Wait...shit you'd probably just end up making more money.
serjykalstryke2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:26:44 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Laundromat would be better.
1spartan95 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:58 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or have a cash war
otterfish ยท 53 points ยท Posted at 17:51:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a fake country...
I_just_want_da_truth ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 20:08:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So Finland?
Gamerhead ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:55:05 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
East Sweden*
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:24:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ugh, you fucking got me.
MauriceEscargot ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 02:36:13 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A couple of months ago, Polish minister of foreign affairs told the media of the good relations Poland has with a bunch of countries, including San Escobar, a country that does not exist. By mistake, he made up a whole country, which since then became a huge meme in Poland.
With $1 trillion you could establish San Escobar and become El Presidente.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:47:39 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was he going for San Salvador or something? Wait is that country's name El Salvador? Eh fuck it, I'm too tired for this
MauriceEscargot ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:52:50 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
His spokewoman later said that he was thinking of... Saint Kitts and Nevis. He wanted to use the Spanish name San Cristรณbal y Nieves.
anotherkeebler ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:30:48 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Screw that, buy a real country. Or buy a trillion dollar army and take over a contingent.
disk5464 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:04:35 on April 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or help fund the republic of yams! :)
ethanfez45 ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 18:12:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You would only have .93% of the world's GDP. Plus then add your trillion to the GDP and it would be less of a percent.
Lost_in_costco ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 18:14:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Still how do you launder a trillion dollars? That's some evil wish granting. Here's a trillion dollars, it's all undocumented so good luck not coming off as a thief.
ethanfez45 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:03:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean. The gov usually won't ask questions if you give them enough of it.
Rathum ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 19:14:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Hello IRS, I've come into an extremely large amount of undocumented wealth. I will give you 50% of it."
felipebarroz ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 20:03:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe not in the US... But I'm sure you can put this kind of shanenigans in some Caribbean island or African country.
Rathum ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:42:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm pretty sure the IRS would be fine with you giving them $500 billion. The Treasury Department and FBI might get involved, though.
sharlos ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:06:15 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sure they'd be happier to take 1 trillion dollars from you too...
-Reddit_Account- ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:28:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Still though, there's no proof your gains were ill-gotten.
Nerfi ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 22:45:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They don't need proof, they just charge your assets with a crime and get to keep it. Civil asset forfeiture is awesome!
Blue2501 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:40:09 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With a trillion dollars, I think I could raise an army to defend my giant cash warehouse from the man
Toxicitor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:21:19 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hell, just pay a million people to kick up an internet shitstorm over "The Trillionaire" having his money confiscated by the government. Get everyone in the world talking about you and the IRS can't just slink off with it, can they?
VeryVarnish ยท -7 points ยท Posted at 21:22:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They can print money why would they care
-Reddit_Account- ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 22:29:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's not how money works
marcusss12345 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:09:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You might want to read up on inflation and how that whole thing works
account_1100011 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:09:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
the size of the warehouse you would need to conceal the cash would be huge.
Clutz ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:26:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It would be this big.
account_1100011 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:40:03 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. I've seen that before, many, many times.
[deleted] ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 19:07:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My thought was "How am I going to spend this money without inflating the economy to the point of collapse?"
LiteralPhilosopher ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:48:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's an interesting question ... according to OP, you just have it. Doesn't specify that you got it illegally, so why would you need to launder it?
Of course, if it simply appeared in your bank account overnight, then you're down a rabbit hole similar to what Scott Adams set up in Off To Be the Wizard. Could be very tricky indeed. You're going to need to start buying heavy-duty, Treasury-Agent-deterring-level private security immediately.
YamahaRN ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:31:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Could pick any of the branch of the US military. I'd go with Navy.
PerInception ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:48:21 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just a quick ad on Craigslist should take care of you: Help Wanted - Need to hire current and former Delta Force, Seal Team 6, and SAD/SOG operators. All of them.
YamahaRN ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:50:37 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Craigslist? that's for peasants. You can call up G4S CEO and negotiate a hand-picked team of former JSOC elites.
PerInception ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:52:46 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
FORMER? What do you think I am, some kind of peasant? Active duty tier 1 ops only.
the_honest_liar ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:00:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe just donate it all to charities really fast before they correct the mistake. Then when they come after me for the money declare bankruptcy. They can't really go after the charitiea
Lost_in_costco ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 20:02:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just shout at them, "I DECLARE BANKRUPTCY"
EHendrix ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:39:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you have that much money you can do whatever you want, you don't need to launder it.
Its_free_and_fun ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:39:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Banana stand.
Paynefully ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:42:40 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lazer tag?
starguy69 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:16:31 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the IRS
jackmanutd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:45:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Live in russia
Sicfast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:47:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just invest in weapons, the government won't care anymore.
DeejusIsHere ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:53:37 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus Christ, I took an exam today for Macroeconomics and you gave me flashbacks
americonium ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:48:33 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Set up a cancer awareness website, give me the money, and I'll send it back you you in drips and drabs.
ColeWeaver ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:05:25 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a laundromat.
chromiselda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:33:36 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't like 60 people own 50% of the world's wealth?? Ask any of them. You just need to copy 2.
Albino_Smurf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:07:17 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus, you don't have to try to spend ALL of it
Sir_Cunt99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:11:57 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Modern art"
Reza_Jafari ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:54:44 on March 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Create an army
Conquer a country
Become its dictator
Make yourself exempt from taxes in it
?????
PROFIT!
Anti-Antidote ยท 18474 points ยท Posted at 14:58:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get the fuck out of Zimbabwe, for starters
WatermelonSailboat ยท 3495 points ยท Posted at 17:55:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's still about 2.7 billion USD. I would take that
Edit: I used google to convert the currency. I couldn't care less if it's the old/new currency or if it doesn't exist anymore.
nullenatr ยท 1024 points ยท Posted at 18:07:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I got it to the same amount. Hyperinflation is over a long time ago. I would retire if I got 1 trillion ZWD.
Edit: As my parent comment also mentioned - Yes, they got a new currency, and yes, I did also google it to 2.7 billion USD. Don't trust Google with your life kids.
scoops22 ยท 1467 points ยท Posted at 18:22:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bad Luck Brian
Daedalus871 ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 19:11:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why do I care if ZWD is worthless? All my money is in USD.
scoops22 ยท 50 points ยท Posted at 19:14:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Because depending on volume the ZWD/USD exchange market won't be able to support your sudden exchange of currency and you will get much much less than you expected
Daedalus871 ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 19:17:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I could still live comfortably on 1/100 of $2.7 billion for the rest of my life. As long as I get 1/500, I'm set for life.
scaradin ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 19:20:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would you be fine if I got the other 499/500?
Daedalus871 ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 19:33:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not entirely sure how this whole thing works, but I'm pretty sure it just vanishes into thin air.
scaradin ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:38:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How about I split my portion back with you then? I might need some help to access the money, so if you can send me 50,000,000$ that should cover my attorney fees and such and we'll then split the 499/500 remaining!
scoops22 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:27:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
tbh I have no clue what the volume of the forex market is for ZWD/USD. I mean for something like USD/CAD you could probably exchange a few billion a day without so much as a blip. All depends on volume. For reference the volume of the forex market globally is in excess of $5 Trillion USD per day
dinosair ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:22:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At this point I prefer this meme format over an actual link to the meme.
scoops22 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:25:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I let people use their imagination to fill in the blanks
cstar4004 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:48:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a few trillion Zimbabwe dollars, but its worthless now. The bank has closed and it is passed the reimbursement date. They make a pretty addition to my coin and banknote collection though. A trillion ZWD note is worth about $5USD as a collecter's item.
banditcleaner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:05:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lolllllll
TrymWS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:02:12 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He'd be out of the country without a care in the world, and stable USDs in his account.
So more like Scumbag Steve.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:53:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually converting that money would probably help slow the inflation, since it would mean someone buying a lot of ZWD, raising its value -> lowering prices.
paholg ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 18:56:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You've got it backwards.
The trillion ZWD came out of nowhere, and now you're selling it for USD. That's an extra trillion ZWD in circulation. It's not gonna lower prices.
ryskaposten1 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:00:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Title doesn't state where the trillion comes from.
scoops22 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:13:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Doesn't matter where it came from, see my comment: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/5yecp2/what_will_you_do_if_you_woke_up_with_1_trillion/depxdwg/
ryskaposten1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is all I'm adressing, not wether it has an impact on the market or not.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:06:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You are right, IF it came out of nowhere. But say you somehow accumulated it inside Zimbabwe. Then you sell it to a foreign country. Now locally, there is less ZWD and the prices go up. Would you agree?
tammio ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:12:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No. Converting so many YWD into US dollars would mean the exchangerate would plummet like Ikarus. This means the Costs of all imported goods in Zimbabwe rise. Now I'm to lazy to look up what and how much Zimbabwe produces but I'm assuming they import many, many finished products in exchange for raw materials. Imagine the price of refined oil going up 500% over night because all oil refineries are abroad and you have to convert your ZWAD into US $ (wich is the Currency oil is traded in) and your currency has depreciated down the Mariana Trench.
That my good Sir, is one heck of an Inflation
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:44:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Indeed, I have seen the flaws in my reasoning, honourable gentlemen.
Iandian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:07:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Does the whole country even have a trillion zwd in circulation?
eloel- ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:13:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
if it's only worth 2.7 billion USD, I'd assume so.
paholg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think inflation and deflation are too complicated to give a definite answer.
If the money is coming from other people, then that changes the scenario drastically, though.
scoops22 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:09:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The currency exchange will have Bid and Ask orders in place. If you make a market order to sell your trillion you will absolutely tank the market by eating up all asks down to a very low USD value.
You are selling 1 trillion ZWD that otherwise wouldn't have been sold. You are increasing supply of ZWD available for purchase in USD while the demand for ZWD has not changed. You will tank the value of ZWD
Edit: It doesn't have to come out of nowhere all that matters is the supply and demand of ZWD vs. USD. What you have done is create a massive supply without increasing demand.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:17:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually that makes more sense, I must agree with you.
again-plz ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:35:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damn, I wish I had held on to that 100 trillion ZWD bill now...
mindsculptor_828 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:54:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The ZWD is a little ridiculous, I can't tell if you're joking or not..
DoneAlreadyDone ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:43:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't the USD now the currency in Zimbabwe?
TocTheEternal ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:00:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, but they have a currency shortage so the government, in their infinite wisdom, is passing out what are essentially IOUs for USD that are totally not their own currency but you are supposed to use them to exchange goods and services and are definitely legit and redeemable for actual money. And definitely aren't undergoing their own inflation, because remember they aren't actually currency.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How does that work? You can still buy a trillion ZWD bill on ebay for like $10.
danger____zone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:29:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Government started hacking off zeros from their currency to make it easier on their computer systems. So what you are buying are old notes which are worth a closer to 10 current ZWD or even less (technically they can't even be traded in anymore so they are only worth what you can get on Ebay).
For example, $1 trillion 'Third' Zimbabwe dollars turned into $1 'Fourth' Zimbabwe dollar in February 2009. If you were to have a 'First' Zimbabwe dollar it would be worth 1 / 1025.
l_ft ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:59:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
awkwardly glances at Venezuela
thebornotaku ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:28:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hyperinflation isn't over, they just changed the currency values 4 times.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:31:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They don't have a currency...
Yankee9204 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:29:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have an old 100 trillion Zimbabwe dollar banknote sitting at home. Any chance someone will mistake it for a new one?
groggyMPLS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:25:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Uh, my old boss definitely has a $1 trillion Zimbabwe note that was a souvenir.
TheLeapIsALie ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 18:17:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Except that will further inflate the currency.
GregorF92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you do it all at once, sure.
Smaller amounts at a time and you'll be fine.
TheLeapIsALie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:51:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, the money just appeared. I assume people find out pretty quick, and know there are more ZWD in circulation.
issamaysinalah ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:23:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But if I had 2.7bi I would still leave Zimbabwe.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:31:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:44:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:45:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Lachnor ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:50:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The low price I found was $10 + $5 shipping. But I'll bet you could find someone you know willing to pay $20 for it as a novelty item.
As for actual currency exchange, the note has been redenominated and demonetized.
Bottled_Void ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:24:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Except by the very nature of you having that much Zimbabwean Dollars would probably devalue the currency (it is not even used anymore).
The-Real-Darklander ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:31:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ZWD is no longer usable even in Zimbabwe. They use Namibian, South African and Botswana's currencies
charleslemaymay ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:31:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Max cash stack
JunkBondJunkie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:08:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got a 100 trillion note that I can sell you for 2.7 billion lol.
Quantization ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:34:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2.7 million not billion.
Kellythejellyman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:32:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i don't think i would know what to do with simply 1 billion US dollars
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:48:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With that much money you could spend a couple million dollars a year and still have some left over in the end.
RoboNinjaPirate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:56:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2.5 by now
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:59:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have 500 trillion Zimbabwe dollars - they reformatted their currency - you're looking at the new currency, not the hyperinflated one.
You can buy 100 trillion Zimbabwe dollars on ebay for about $1
ArcherArchetype ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:02:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My friends dad got us 100 million dollar Zimbabwe bills for graduation about 4 years ago... am I rich yet? :D
spoons23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:16:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So you care a little?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:16:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
WatermelonSailboat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:24:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It has been a long day.
just_comments ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:37:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That means that actually spending that amount of money would seriously inflate that economy as well.
front_torch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:52:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't op saying 1 trillion (US) dollars? Especially since the US Dollar is the "dollar" used in Zimbabwe
SoundVisionZ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:01:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I found a $20 trillion note in the globe box of a car I bought a year or so ago. I swear I had heart palpitations after googling the exchange rate..
...then googled some more and was sad ;(
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:14:37 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
SoundVisionZ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:25:58 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha, well technically I did... :)
Jks5426 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:52:50 on March 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's not- they sell 100 Trillion dollar notes
desert_igloo ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 20:01:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1 trillion dollars in Zimbabwe is still 1 trillion dollars in America.
danger____zone ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:41:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A dollar isn't a specific term, a lot of countries around the world use "dollars" including Zimbabwe (or at least they did before they converted to USD).
moriero ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 18:15:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You can also buy Zimbabwe and rename it to Antim-Antidotabwe
Anti-Antidote ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:19:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It sounds native enough... I'll take it!
moriero ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:21:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
haha one Zimbabwe coming your way
would you like to supersize to South Africa?
Anti-Antidote ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:24:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Only if Zimbabwe comes with it. Also, can I have it in a payment plan that allows me to still make a profit off of interest?
moriero ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:30:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, sure
I'll just need about $100M to get started
Anti-Antidote ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:33:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kay
forks over 100 mil in crisp Benjamins
moriero ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:59:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
that was easy
37chickenducks ยท 120 points ยท Posted at 17:29:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh wow, this is clever clever clever. Well played.
cptmrvl ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:02:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Busy busy busy..
anagh_ceon ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:26:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could change your country with 1 trillion . Topple the government and take power . make necessary arrangements for a coup when you wake up . ๐
Anti-Antidote ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:30:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My country is currently $20 trillion in debt, but maybe I could have some influence with Trump to fix that
Sithis1415 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 17:38:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take your fucking up vote.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:09:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or just buy Zimbabwe
irsmert ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:31:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eh, I might stay and be the last to escape the inevitable worldwide pandemic.
Madness_Reigns ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:43:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They use USD now so you're good.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:20:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:35:28 on March 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you act like Rommel, then yeah, it is fucking bad.
ParkourLikeAPanda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:46:14 on March 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why do you repost other people's stuff? Is your self esteem that low you have to pretend to be someone else?
mr_jiffy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:27:13 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How do you have a comment worth 16k but total comment karma is at 12k? Did you get karma taxed or something? Did you choose the option to receive your karma in multiple segments?
Anti-Antidote ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:26:18 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was just wondering that myself, I have no clue
teefour ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:05:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Plot twist, it's a trillion Zimbabwe dollars. I gues at that point I dunno, buy a Big Mac or something.
LincolnsLostSpeach ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:44:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get to the top you witty fkr
volcano99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could probably buy Zimbabwe, for starters.
DaemonTheRoguePrince ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why not just buy Zimbabwe? Can't cost that much...
Scramble For Africa Part II! Player 2 has entered the game!
China vs. /u/Anti-Antidote!
TXheathen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:22:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy Zimbabwe and, with the other 999 billion dollars, id gtfo and watch what happens from a distance.
Dimchum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:04:54 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We left in 1991.
I don't know though, if you still voted for Bobby after 1990, that may just be your purgatory.
thefilthyhermit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:54:39 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With that kind of cash, you could fund a mercenary operation and a coup to take back Rhodesia from the communists.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:46:19 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same goes for the DRC. I feel your pain.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:01:51 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You will only be able to ride the bus with that little money.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take me with you....
misskaybear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:22:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why would anyone live there lol
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:54:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
danger____zone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:52:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you're going off XE.com, I believe the exchange rate they give is essentially a placeholder (you can see that it's been perfectly constant for the last ~8 years). Zimbabwean dollars aren't even used anymore and are essentially worthless.
headbuttsbullets ยท -30 points ยท Posted at 17:17:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So Meta
Joe234248 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 17:35:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What's the reference here?
Jacman19 ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 17:36:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Zimbabwe was in hyperinflation to the point that prices doubled every 24 hours. They printed 1 trillion Zimbabwe dollar bills during this period.
UrinalCake777 ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 17:42:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is a reference but why is it meta?
GreatCanadianWookiee ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 17:44:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reddit is bad at keeping definitions straight, so anything that is a reference is meta now.
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 17:46:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Stevey854 ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 17:48:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You are looking at the stars
[deleted] ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 17:54:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So Meta
CellularBeing ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:06:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is so meta
nman68 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:09:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Meta
kat413 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
M E T A
JamCliche ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:18:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm So Meta, Even This Acronym
BrianMcKinnon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:10:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is meta because he is referencing the time when that guy was a fucking moron.
8483 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:54:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everything is meta is the new meta.
ThatGraemeGuy ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 17:44:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It isn't.
kapntoad ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:47:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would guess that some consider it meta because there was a relevant TIL yesterday, so it's at the forefront of the Reddit consciousness.
rustyshackleford193 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:44:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
because every reference is meta xD ;P am I meming correctly guise?
BC_Sally_Has_No_Arms ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:50:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, no you're not. But I believe that you, unlike the majority of slappies on this site, are capable.
Stevey854 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:49:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's like the opposite of meta. They don't even use zimbabwean dollars anymore.
Joe234248 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god that makes this hilarious
popcar2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What the fuck. Why would they do that? They're making their money worth nothing.
Jacman19 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:45:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's a cycle, Zimbabwe prints out money to pay off debts, this put more money into the market lowering the value, so Zimbabwe prints out more money to make up for the lost value. This repeats till the government realise they've screwed up.
PrettySwelll ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 19:59:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
P
Maccas75 ยท 11156 points ยท Posted at 11:19:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd be so damn paranoid I woke up with $1 trillion, I'd probably get immediate legal advice.
ShylocksEstrangedDog ยท 4326 points ยท Posted at 18:25:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lmao my accountant told me a story about a guy he did tax returns for once. The IRS accidentally gave him a massive tax return. The guy was freaking out and asked my accountant for advice. Was told to put it all in savings. He snail mailed the IRS telling them of their mistake and they wanted the money back with interest. Accountant then gets in a 8-10 month argument with the IRS through the USPS and the finally agreed that the man who received the money would only have to return the amount that was incorrectly given to him. By the time he did he had made a profit off of the interest of it sitting in his bank.
Toodlez ยท 3367 points ยท Posted at 19:05:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hope that accountant got a fucking sick christmas bonus that year
ThatDemiGuy ยท 956 points ยท Posted at 19:30:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or at least invited to Christmas
MRDIII ยท 461 points ยท Posted at 19:36:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
that guy probably works holidays anyway
Adamawesome4 ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 19:45:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lawyers gotta eat
MRDIII ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 19:47:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But...I've never seen a lawyer and food in a room at the same time.
Adamawesome4 ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 19:48:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
the evidence is overwhelming... looks like lawyers aren't real and are in fact hallucinations that let you tap into the legal knowledge buried deep inside of you
karmisson ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:11:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pardon, I must dissent in the contrary.
MRDIII ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:12:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hallucinations confirmed
sig_mason ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:51:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Something something food court
you_got_fragged ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:04:37 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's because they eat really fast
indigoreality ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:06:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/CPA is leaking
sealclubber281 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:03:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No way, holidays and summers are great for us public accountants. It's only March and April that suck.
MRDIII ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah the weather is so unpredictable, making plans outdoors is such a high risk, low reward gamble.
And I just meant that the particular accountant above seems like the type of worker to minimize the amount of time away from the office cuz money don't sleep.
nadroj19 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:52:11 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I bet he'd rather take Yom Kippur off than Christmas.
durpyhoovez ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:21:42 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Am accountant, can confirm never invited to anything
mhall812 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:08:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Who are you kidding? He was Jewish
alexdelicious ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:53:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You mean Chanukah?
gentrifiedasshole ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:06:27 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Idk man, a Jew at Christmas dinner, that's gotta be kinda awkward.
bradgard420 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:28:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i heard he got the jelly of the month club
iamnotnotarobot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:13:06 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
HALLELUJAH, HOLY SHIT.
Where's the tylenol?
spockspeare ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:47:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And that accountant's name? Bob Cratchit.
squeezethecatssack ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:14:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He was giving a puppy with AIDS so yeah it was pretty sick
safebutedgy ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:57:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or Hanukah bonus
crownjewls ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:27:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A hanukkah bonus would likely be more appropriate.
madhader11b ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:22:01 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jews don't celebrate Christmas
Redfish518 ยท 107 points ยท Posted at 21:18:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shoves money in wrong pockets, Demands money back with interest. What the hell is this?
I_Upvote_Alice_Eve ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 23:18:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The IRS.
iamnotnotarobot ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 00:14:45 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You underestimate just how stupid the IRS is.
GameOfThrowsnz ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 19:03:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Smart.
CipherClump ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:21:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Loyal.
Redmond-Barry ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:50:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I appreciate that.
FerRrari ยท 86 points ยท Posted at 20:18:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So he made $2.15 in interest?
gettothecoppa ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 01:39:38 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Money was in the bank for almost a year... I doubt the "massive tax return" was $200
Gamerhead ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:50:18 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Soooo, $21.50?
Number1AbeLincolnFan ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:53:33 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm guessing you don't have a savings account or you would know that the interest rate is typically around 0.01%. So, no, you are wildly incorrect. By orders of magnitude. A 10% return in 8-10 months would be closer to a very good stock portfolio.
gettothecoppa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:03:22 on March 11, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
10% ??? I think you missed a decimal place.
And my savings account pays 2%, thanks for the guess, but I'll admit that could be a Canada thing.
Redixer ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 19:32:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What a bro
Miniminotaur ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 21:07:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And that my friend, is how I made $13.84 cents.
[deleted] ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 21:35:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
mr_jiffy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:31:17 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think because he wrote it as he would say it. People say dollars automatically when they see the $ sign but the cents sign isn't there so he wrote. Yeah it was unecessary but I can see how he would do that.
TeH_Venom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:23:04 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Guz he got $0.1384 dolla
Nokia_Bricks ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:12:00 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All I had to do was get in a year long fight with the IRS and pay my accountant for their time.
What a steal.
The_Gay_Whovian ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 20:04:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This was the exact premise of an episode of Golden Girls where Sophia got thousands of dollars from the IRS by mistake
SituationCornflakes ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 19:49:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck the irs. With intrest?
devedander ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 19:46:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seems risky since the IRS could just force return with interest and there isn't much you can do it they don't cave
Oldgreywhistle27 ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 20:21:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And then you still lose nothing.
devedander ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 20:30:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Depends on whether the IRS only wants as much interest as the bank paid and that accountant probably wasn't free
Grabbioli ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:53:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well the guy was already paying the accountant, and if the IRS requested an interest rate higher than the federal interest rate (which was probably about what the bank was giving him on the savings account) then they would essentially be charging him for their fuck up which, I would imagine, is grounds on which they could be sued.
The reasoning behind asking for interest is that, had they not paid out that much, the money would still be sitting in their bank account accruing interest, probably at about that same rate. So not only did they give away their capital, they gave away the interest from the interim period between losing it and getting it back. Therefore, any money he accrued from it would've been, in a certain sense, "their" money as well(I know it's not fair but they make the rules). Honestly I think the interest request was just a far reach on the IRSโs part as a court would most likely rule that he would only need to pay the capital. I'm just spitballing though.
devedander ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:55:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe my accountant doesn't work like his but if they have to do more work on my amount they charge me more.
Also I thought banks paid less interest than the fed charges them so less than the fed rate?
Also when I make a mistake and over pay does the IRS pay me back plus interest?
Grabbioli ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:32:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Definitely true with the accountant haha.
And yes, as I said, spitballing. I just used the federal rate as a reference point. I think banks will go over the federal rate for loans and under for account interest. The IRS probably isn't making the federal rate in interest either but I don't know a whole lot about how the IRS does their banking so I'm not really qualified to say.
And no they don't because it's the IRS. They can try and bully you because they're the IRS and it's their job to try and screw you over. When you try to screw them over, it's just tax evasion. But if they're blatantly trying to screw you and you have a good accountant, I'd think you get a story like OP's.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:37:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The IRS does pay interest in some circumstances.
Grabbioli ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:14:48 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Really? When? I'm curious
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:58:57 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty much whenever they owe you money for longer than a normal amount of processing time.
Number1AbeLincolnFan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:57:36 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How do you figure paying an accountant $100/hr for most of a year equals nothing?
Cool_whippin ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:09:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is such an IRS thing to do. We fucked up do you need to pay us.
jon_hobbit ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:15:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please accept this poorly drawn spider in return of the money.
Pasttenseaggressive ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:48:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought for sure this was going to be an "Undertaker" story that I skipped strait to the end, then read up. Thankfully it wasn't. Good guy accountant on his part.
xaanthar ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:02:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Really? You didn't notice that the accountant was actually a 500 foot tall cetacean from the Mesozoic era?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:10:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How much did they mistakenly give him (ballpark)?
Wozzle90 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:23:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Making money by doing nothing but having money.
Cool system.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:39:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Decoy snail mail
Franklin2543 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:46:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You want interest huh? Well, sometimes the interest is positive. Sometimes it's negative...
Harleydamienson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:50:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah but accountant cost him twice the profit.
yalogin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:01:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With the interest rate that banks give he probably got a coffee at Starbucks with the money he made.
banditcleaner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:04:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
good to know, thanks
eXwNightmare ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:25:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"return it back with interest" is the IRS that big of a fucking joke? They fuck up so they thought he should pay for it?
absumo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:24:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's appropriate since State or Federal can hit their respective refund to pay the other (even if they are not still owed), use a third party company for the transfer, charge you for the transfer of your money that they should have not taken, and then return the money to you eventually minus the transfer fee. And, if you call about it, they play pass the buck to each other, won't/can't tell you about the transfer agent, sometimes tell you it's the treasury dept (it's not...), and go silent on the phone because you are on speaker and their legal advisor is telling them to say nothing.
True story.
ponyboy414 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:14:46 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The IRS even taxes you for giving them money.
jim5cents ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:44:02 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, the IRS still taxed that interest the following year.
nuublarg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:47:32 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How much money was it that you could generate a tidy profit of a mere savings account? Or what kind of savings/deposit account has a respectable interest rate over a 10 month period?
tinybutfiesty ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:42:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How much did he get and how much did he profit?
ShylocksEstrangedDog ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:04:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No idea. I never really got specifics, the accountant just told me the story as he was doing my returns a couple years ago.
DebitsOnTheLeft ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:49:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One trillion dollars. At 0.50% for 9 months he earned like 3.75 billion dollars.
[deleted] ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 19:51:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
DebitsOnTheLeft ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 20:03:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah I'm pretty sure the IRS gave that dude one trillion dollars and his accountant told him to put it in his 0.50% interest savings account. I mean I'm an accountant and that's what I would tell my clients to do.
[deleted] ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 20:17:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Deccarrin ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 20:46:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah im pretty fucking certain that guy got given a trillion dollars by the IRS.
Omni_Entendre ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:34:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Should we tell him?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:21:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This guy compounds.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:41:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's actually really bad advice. The IRS will always figure that shit out eventually and come looking for the money.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:28:36 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He told him not to spend it and to notify the IRS.
That's not bad advice at all.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 10:33:26 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're better off just not cashing the check.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:40:27 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What cheque? don't they do a bank deposit? That's kind of hilarious if not.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:58:11 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You can request direct deposit when you file but if you don't provide the info the default is a check.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:02:47 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
that's honestly so bizarre to me. I can't remember the last time I even saw a cheque.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:07:54 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They are not exactly the most up to date agency. We still send things to the IRS by fax...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:10:21 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Woah. Sounds like a pain in the butt!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:14:54 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yep. That's why I said just don't cash the check. It is an absolute pain in the ass whenever you have to deal with the IRS, so I'd try to avoid it if at all possible. You can easily be on hold over an hour, if you can even get through at all, if you try and call to talk to someone.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:28:30 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yeah fair enough then!
westc2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:41:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A savings account? So he probably made like a $4 profit?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:30:53 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If he was given $100,000, he might've made closer to $4000.
Depending on the year.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:47:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Bluebaronn ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:49:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, so? 65% of free money is better than 0%.
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 23:31:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like one of those tall tales that didn't really happen.
A savings account doesn't yield shit, a low risk mutual fund is where the money should've been put.
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 06:17:38 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:31:56 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Depending on the interest rate and size of the accidental deposit, it could have been substantially more.
colber ยท 1029 points ยท Posted at 14:42:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am a financial broker and I have found this Nigerian prince is a great investment
Radiation___Dude ยท 305 points ยท Posted at 14:57:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As the Nigerian princes financial advisor I can agree it is a very wise investment
IAmGodMode ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:26:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As the Nigerian prince, I recommend we skip the middle man and deposit it straight to my account.
iBZRK ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:14:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As the advisor to the Prince, I assure you it's a birthday present for his son that's studying abroad and will pay you back double. Just give me your paypal.
fukkinmike ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:42:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quiet you, it's your fault we're in this mess.
InsomniacKat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:10:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/5y0816/my_interviews_with_5_unwilling_email_scammers/?st=J02PL5T3&sh=3f4b9aae
Radiation___Dude ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:38:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good read I'm looking forward to more
fuckmeimdan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:29:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nigeria doesn't have princes! Check mate!
pyroSeven ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:07:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As a Nigerian Prince, trust this Nigerian financial advisor.
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 15:08:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With that kind of money you could find a way to actually become a Nigerian Prince. Then I'd pull those scams except actually send people the $5 million or whatever.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:38:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good guy scammer
NaG_CSGO ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:01:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make your dick bigger by pressing this button.
starts whistling
Selfawaredudebro ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:08:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cyanide and happiness
NaG_CSGO ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:31:40 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This guy knows!
Haha thanks, I thought no one would get the reference!
ruthlessrellik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:31:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He just happens to be your cousin as well.
Get_Thee_2_A_Nunnery ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:07:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a financial borker, and I have found Nigerian puppies are a great investment. 2 million puppies later Sheer Happiness
denimwookie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:44:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
can confirm.
source: was formerly a Nigerian prince
chaogomu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:31:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I had a trillion dollars I might buy a noble title and start pulling this scam. Only I'd actually give out some money. I mean what's a few hundred thousand when you have a trillion.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:45:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1 trillion dollar investment with a 4% commission. I'll take that.
Math_Blaster_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:18:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just go buy Nigeria and kick every one out
Onkel_Wackelfluegel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:13:24 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Triple-A ratings, at least from 07-08!
[deleted] ยท 3983 points ยท Posted at 12:25:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ahem I'm a lawyer no really And my advice is to give the money to the reddit user u/jammey-
krazy_dragon ยท 1582 points ยท Posted at 14:44:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If he does that are you gonna claim he got Jammed?
[deleted] ยท 886 points ยท Posted at 15:01:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
(Shakes hips) you just got jammed
Fris501 ยท 55 points ยท Posted at 15:52:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lonestar? Is that you??
[deleted] ยท 97 points ยท Posted at 16:50:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just realized. No. Not lonestar. Jeremy Jamm from parks and rec
Wookie_on_the_rocks ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:52:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In all fairness, he could have used Jamm'd.
(I always wanted a space themed episode, just to get a Space Jamm'd pun...)
depricatedzero ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 18:32:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got it.
Hordon_Gayward ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 17:52:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Only one man would dare to give me the raspberry....
Virus64 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:03:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, I'm Starlord, man.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:35:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whoosh?
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:38:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
whhoosshh
gurg2k1 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:04:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Flim flammed by the jam man.
superfudge73 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:30:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Retro Jammed!
Gregory_Pikitis ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 17:58:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh yeah? You just got knoped and ludgated, and perkinsed.
Valjean_The_Dark_One ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:24:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You and your fucking peach pits
Gregory_Pikitis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:07:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was a fucking plum.
humplick ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:20:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got five bathrooms.
P0sitive_Outlook ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:50:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What's the difference between marmalade and jam?
pedantic_dullard ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:18:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yo momma's never marmaladed deez nuts in her mouth?
P0sitive_Outlook ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:28:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes. That's the answer.
norm_chomsky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:27:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
By Quentin Jammer
terminatormondo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
retrojammed
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:00:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In his jammies
YJCH0I ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jammies are now rustled.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:25:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jamming sounds a bit like extortion!
chirpingphoenix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:26:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You just got JAAAAAAAAAMMED JAAAAAAAAMED
ljfox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:04:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Next time I need to tell someone off, I'm going to shake my hips at them.
_Fudge_Judgement_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:43:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cyberjammed.
SquigglyOrphan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:50:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I really like your username... Idk why
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:07:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you, yours is good as well.
monsto ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 16:48:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:49:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What's this joke?
monsto ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 16:59:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You said something relevant to your user name.
Shakes hips? Squiggly?
See?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:11:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh. Someone else made a joke about lonestar
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:00:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But that's not at all relevant...
AntiLiterat ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:24:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Raspberry! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FcArnepkhv0
NaG_CSGO ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 15:00:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
puts on sunglasses.
YYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH
joenottoast ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:28:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
takes off your sunglasses and places them firmly on the table
noooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
NaG_CSGO ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:31:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why you gotta ruin all the fun man :(
Gimme back my sunglasses, they're Ray-Ban >:(
TooMuchPretzels ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:59:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You wanna get jammed up? Huh? You wanna get jammed up? Im gonna jam you up SO HARD.
younggun92 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:34:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Slam jammed
xJoepie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:49:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
More like Jammey'd.
JamCliche ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:17:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This phrase is so clichรฉ.
Chaoshumor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:29:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lone Star!
pwnedkiller ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:01:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
RASPBERRY!!!! There is only one who would dare use Raspberry!!!!!
PaintWithRazorblades ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:26:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You wanna get jammed up?
rotll ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:04:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You spelled /u/rotll incorrectly. Time to fire a clerk, I imagine.
Aken42 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:57:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're one of those "criminal" lawyers. Aren't you?
rabidduck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:24:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh your username has a - in it I thought you were going for a candlejack joke where suddenly-
PANDASRCUTE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:32:45 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, man. Remember Candlejack jokes? I loved thos-
MISSINGxLINK ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:55:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am also a lawyer and it is in your best interest to give /u/MISSINGxLINK half of the money. You know.....to diversify your funds.....or something like that
snora41 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Here's the issue. I'm also a lawyer no really, and I'd strongly advise that the money needs to be given to reddit user /u/snora41
FaptainSparrow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do you take bitcoin?
JenovaCelestia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's no way a person on the Internet would lie about anything. wires money over
gullman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:28:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Huh that linked to u/jammy...i guess I'm getting him to help with the legal advice.
readparse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:31:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Checks out. Lawyers clear their throats before they start... uh... typing. Uh... never mind.
GriffGriffin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest it in AAA rated Tax-free Munis and live off the 40mm a year for the rest of your life. And upon death, give it to u/jammey-
grimchemical ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:44:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jamboozled!
Obruther ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:48:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh no. They left the dash off the end of the username and the money went to someone else. Nice try though.
41D4N ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:51:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out
DWCS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You wrote u/dwcs wrong.
I-lack-conviction ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know what the difference between jelly and jam is?... I can't jelly I'm self into that inheritance
_TheConsumer_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:18:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a lawyer, too. My advice is to give me the money to give to Jammey- you know to keep it kosher.
I'll only take a very small 25% handling fee.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:50:05 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can live with 25% handling. Give him the money op.
Flamalam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:39:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
hey, it's me ur lawyer
roadrunnersk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey it's me ur lawyer
spockspeare ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:55:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This could get complicated if anyone takes your advice.
geneadamsPS4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:36:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eh, heard he's a dbag
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:48:51 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Only 97.43% of the time.
UsagiRed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:43:41 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey it's me ur lawyer
PANDASRCUTE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:33:38 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
FTFY
Mal-Capone ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:19:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You'd think a lawyer would at least spell their own user name exactly as it appears; it may function the same, but that's some sloppy attention to detail.
[deleted] ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 18:01:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just kill myself cuz there's no way I'd wanna go down for whatever I'm about to be framed for....
Sgt_Meowmers ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 17:00:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A trillion dollars is such a fucking ridiculous amount of money you wouldn't even need to worry about that either. You could give 30 people a million dollars everyday for your entire life since the day you were born and you would still have over 100 million left by the end of it.
SimplyQuid ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 18:18:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's a lot of fucking money
GregorF92 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:44:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What if you spend 5 million, and then a week later you hear from the bank, they've reclaimed the unspent funds, and now you're being sued for theft?
I'm assuming that's why they wanted legal counsel, to make sure they're okay to spend the money.
Binkusu ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:56:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"No REASONABLE person would think having a trillion dollars gained overnight wasn't an error" or something.
GameOfThrowsnz ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:04:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give me a trillion dollars and see if I'm reasonable.
Binkusu ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:34:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No court bank/court would call you reasonable at least. And then there goes your trillion dollars.
GameOfThrowsnz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Easy. Buy a good bank/court. Too rich to fail.
Binkusu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But what if they freeze your money before you can do anything? Transactions take a while to go through anyways and I doubt they'd spend time waiting around.
GameOfThrowsnz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:56:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The question is "if you woke up with 1 trillion dollars". I assume I'd have some time to spend it. If not, what's the point of the question? And by extension, if they freeze my money before I can do anything, why am I in court?
Schmidtster1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:18:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Plus the interest you would accrue.
haby112 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 18:31:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
After reading your comment, in totally practicle terms it would probably take serious work to make that amount of money legal so I coulad actually use it for what I would want to.
Buy some food trucks, cash. Legalize those buisnesses slowly and smartly. Launder a few thousand at a time through those until I can get some larger cash businesses without it looking sketch.
Move up to laundering a few hundred thousand a year.
Not sure how I could legalize larger amounts then that. Maybe move to buisness in poorly burocratized countries, and then try to reimport that money.
That sounds like years, maybe decades of work before I would really be able to use all that money for things I would like to use it on.
Edit: spelling
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:48:53 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
haby112 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:24:58 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I honestly never would have thought of a casino. That makes total sense. I would only have to start with the smallest possable betting house and just grow steadily on an incline that makes sense.
DrGirthyDDS ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 18:19:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 chick's at the same time
Esqarrouth ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:59:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd immediately get a security team
wretcheddawn ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:00:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Forget lawyers, I could have my own army.
Thomp555 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:31:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I specialise in Bird law but I think I can take your case
Zergom ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:01:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, with $1 trillion, I would just give a $1 million to everyone who said they knew me. That's enough to give 1 million people, $1 million each (I hope I did the math right, sorry reddit if I didnt).
NotASpanishSpeaker ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:05:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey its me ur lawyer
nwss00 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:28:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd lobby Congress to pay as little taxes as I could in order to undermine the middle class........... just like every other extra wealthy person.
What? You expected me to do something else?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:02:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the only logical answer. You should immediately hire the best tax lawyer you can find.
Sybertron ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:06:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think that's the worst thing you can do, the best thing is to shut the fuck up about it. Enjoy life however you want. Keep a side shop going to avoid tax questions.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:56:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yea. It's pretty fucking hard to hide $1Tr.
Your side shop would need to be a conglomerate consisting of Apple, Exxon, and Walmart to even come close to looking legit.
Toodlez ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:06:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You only need to launder what you spend. Assuming in this hypothetical scenario you suddenly have the trillion in cash in a giant scrooge mcduckian vault under your house.
Sybertron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
US companies hide 2.5 Trillion every year...
http://www.cnbc.com/2016/09/20/us-companies-are-hoarding-2-and-a-half-trillion-dollars-in-cash-overseas.html
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:27:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol inversions still have legit sources of creation.
We are talking about laundering, not tax avoidance.
gimmick243 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:01:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then see a psychologist.
apple_kicks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:01:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i'd call the bank first realistically and check where it came from.
relish-tranya ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Saul Goodman?
entp-type-t ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:47:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably get immediate therapeutic advice
Theking4545 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:48:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Legal advice??? Just ask reddit instead
GoldenShowe2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:49:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First thing first, I'd go back to sleep. Advice later.
putinitinthebag ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:49:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/legaladvice is here to help
Radek_Of_Boktor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:52:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wake up with a trillion dollars? Better call Saul!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just buy all the lawyers.
eldridge2e ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:16:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bob Loblaw at your service
C0uldntThinkOfNam3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:28:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Better call Saul!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First, you shit yourself. Second, you contact the best god damn lawyer in the United States. Third, you wait for him to stop shitting himself. Fourth, you pay him $100mm to make sure you're forever good.
CatAstrophy11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:35:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That lawyer would hire a hitman. Very bad idea lol
Skywarp79 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:39:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This, probably. Until I'm assured it's actually mine, I can't spend any of it.
Not_a_real_ghost ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:43:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think your bank would probably freak out even before hand....
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:48:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The lawyer would kill you and steal it all
3plant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:23:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
nah fuck that I'm not telling anyone
samsidsof ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:49:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
and a burner phone.
tapport ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:43:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/personalfiance
Caninya ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:09:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe that's why this post exists.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:09:13 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/financialadvice "I woke up with 1 trillion dollars,..."
DTN_Pelly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:58:04 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's actually a really good idea. I'm so useless i wouldn't know what to do with 10 dollars.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously, that's the most realistic sensible answer. I'd spend a few minutes trying to figure out if the money was real. Then I'd be trying to figure out how to find a lawyer that was good and that I could trust. If the lawyer told me that I could keep the money, my next step would be to find an accountant that was good and that I could trust.
Then I'd go on with my life for at least a few months to see what happened, because no matter what the lawyer told me, I wouldn't trust that I would be allowed to keep the money. I'd be paranoid AF. Put all the money into completely separate accounts and not touch a cent until I could figure out what was what. Even once I knew it was legally mine, I'd be on the lookout for people to scam me. I'd do everything I could to prevent anyone from knowing that I had that kind of money.
Actually, eventually, I'd probably give most of it away in some form or another. If I kept even a few million, I'd still be set for life, and I'd be a lot less worried about my own safety.
triffid_boy ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:44:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy property in London, usually you can get a stay of execution if you need to free up funds. Drag out the process as long as possible and pocket the difference. On a trillion you don't need a lot of interest to make enough cash to last a lifetime.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:36:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hang around r/legaladvice and r/relationships a lot. Hire me?
deadbird17 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:57:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And security
duaneap ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:19:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And then more security to keep an eye on the original security in case they try to rob you.
jrhoffa ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:27:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hello this is lawyer ten billion dollars please
benfreilich ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:31:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey it's me, your lawyer.
an_undecided_voter ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:26:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Legal advice doesn't apply here. With that much money you transcend whatever any laws dictate.
breakingbadforlife ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:48:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
better call saul
tru_anon ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 15:45:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Find a trustworthy tough guy who you'd pay a few million a year to be your security. The opposite of Drillbit Taylor.
Da2Shae ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:10:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With a trillion dollars, he'd probably have to deal with entire countries or spy agencies hunting him down, not just petty theives.
MandalorianBobaTea ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:28:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire a private military
CameraMan1 ยท 5090 points ยท Posted at 11:18:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy all the telecoms and make them have to wait on hold to get internet/cable
JZ_the_ICON ยท 1342 points ยท Posted at 14:33:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can I sign a contract to install those cables. Just me, no help.
_Fudge_Judgement_ ยท 950 points ยท Posted at 18:10:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Please hold while I go to school for communication technology"
bobrossthemobboss ยท 60 points ยท Posted at 18:36:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
nervous laughter
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 19:04:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why should they get better techs than they provided?
absumo ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:18:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
More like give them a huge window for install, sit out side watching til they leave, then leave a note on the door saying sorry for missing them and to call and reschedule. You also reply to their voicemail and inform them they were moved to the back of the waiting list and you will be in touch to reschedule.
Legirion ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:37:25 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Estimated wait time: 2-4 years
Moxz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:10:52 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
High_Guardian ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 16:41:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes for an added fee.
Damn_Croissant ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:23:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sure. You will be the only technician in your area. You get paid $10,000/hr and only work from 12-4pm on Monday through Thursday. The job also comes with 6 weeks of paid time off.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:28:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then he has a kid and gets 6 months paid vacation.
Damn_Croissant ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:46:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If he impregnates a woman I will fire him.
MattTheProgrammer ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:30:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't forget to leave your cones on your work truck.
NomadofExile ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:54:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Three. I think you have to put 3 down...
ParisGreenGretsch ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:06:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your appointment has been scheduled for Monday between 10am and the dawning of the age of Aquarius. Press 1 to confirm. Presione uno para confirmar.
millipedecult ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:00:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"JZ_the-Icon is busy at the moment, estimated wait time is for eternity."
IHeartmyshihtzu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:29:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actualy you could sign them to contracts that make them your debt slaves and double or quadruple your money!
JZ_the_ICON ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:10:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shhhhhh...don't give away my end game
sg7791 ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 17:37:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Theoretically, if I bought all of the telecoms in the US, could I decide to make no profit, invest in infrastructure, and make affordable gigabit internet available for everyone?
It would be worth it.
CameraMan1 ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 17:42:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Originally my answer was that I wanted to give everyone fiber. But then I decided that fucking Comcast would be way more satisfying
Kreth ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 17:54:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Demote all upper management to ditch diggers, and if they quit, you buy whatever company they join
absumo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:21:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get by on minimal profits after raises for all the real workers and pay those greedy fuckers minimum and keep raising their insurance. Use the money to give raises to others and offset healthcare costs for everyone else. "Welcome to reaping what you sow motherfuckers!"
paholg ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:58:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start your own telecom company, run nation-wide fiber, and sell service for cheap. No one will be using Comcast.
Jupiterswrath ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:40:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, you actually need to burn the vine at the root in this case. Comcast used their influence to halt googles attempts at expansion.
xnaas ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:24:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You see...Google tried that...but it turns out usurping an oligarchy is basically impossible. Though...I guess Google didn't go into the project with 1 trillion dollars to blow. :P
AgentJin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:28:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You would actually just need to bribe Congress to make a law that allows you to do so. I mean, you do have 1 trillion dollars.
xnaas ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:52:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, no, no. It's lobbying!
Saoirse-on-Thames ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 18:43:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There might be something against buying companies to form a monopoly like that in the first place.
Jupiterswrath ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:41:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could buy the entirety of Congress too.
blue_alien_police ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:04:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think that's stopped anyone.... and I don't really know of any time (off the top of my head) that those laws were actually enforced to the point of breaking up a monopoly.
Saoirse-on-Thames ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:17:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breakup_of_the_Bell_System
earlier history - http://www.investopedia.com/articles/economics/08/hammer-antitrust.asp
blue_alien_police ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:20:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, then, looks like I'm wrong. Thanks for the info, I gotta head out, but I will absolutely give it a read when I get back. :)
LateralusYellow ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:37:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you're running at 0 profit you would have trouble attracting talented executives to help run your company, as there would be no room for growth for the employees working there. Entropy is a bitch.
Eventually you would begin to lose market position to actual profit-seeking investment capital. Although it would take awhile since you'd have the regulatory rights to all the public right-of-ways (conduits, terminals, etc.) throughout each city and town.
aapowers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:24:40 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think you'd be blocked from the purchases because you'd be making a monopoly.
Then again, you'd be a trillionaire, so like fuck the rules would actually apply to you!
PM_ME_YOUR_EMRAKUL ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 18:07:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sherman_Antitrust_Act
CameraMan1 ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 19:14:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll buy that too
canada432 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:36:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would the Sherman Antitrust Act even apply, though? Ignoring that most ISPs are already in violation of it and nothing ever happens to them, generally it's only invoked when a monopoly is abused, not just because it exists. A monopoly that's so absurdly pro-consumer is something I'd imagine very few people would dare touch for fear of the public backlash.
It's like if one pharma company held all antibiotics, and distributed them for free. They're still a monopoly, but nobody would fucking dare touch that because they'd get crucified, both figuratively and potentially literally.
CommanderGumball ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:23:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd say affordable gigabit internet is good enough merit that the collapse of other telecom companies would be inevitable, and he'd be okay
1337lolguyman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:02:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That line isn't so much about merit, but about stopping one large company from buying out all of its competitors by virtue of being bigger. Thus, you actually would be violating the act if you were to buy those guys out and then run them honorably. Conversely, if you were to make your own and run it like that and as a consequence run Comcast out of business, you'd be in the clear.
CommanderGumball ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:31:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That somehow feels better. I'd be providing an excellent service AND fucking Comcast!
HolaGuacamola ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:22:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a friend in telecom that deals with their links to other telecoms, he spends an average of 4 hours a day on hold. His record is around 8 hours for one call.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:54:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy them all and make their service affordable for everyone.
spockspeare ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:56:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can you imagine how shitty the internet is in a Comcast office?
CameraMan1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:56:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
not nearly as shitty as it would be
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:00:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
fixerofbigrigs ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:13:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He could buy a couple, turn them around so they are customer friendly and have the rest switch, rendering Comcast dead in the water
Namika ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:10:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not to mention the anti-trust laws...
Cengreth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When you finally answer the phone to make a meeting, give them a 4 hour range for the start.
P0sitive_Outlook ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man. I'd like to change my answer!
I'd buy Virgin Media, refund all the customers and then close down Virgin Media.
anotherwhitekid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
once you own the telecoms the "they" will become your customers...
adam-bomb-86 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:24:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tell them to expect service between 2-5pm, then show up at 7 to tell them you are canceling their service.
dementperson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:02:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sadly you would not be able to buy them all.. Anti-Competetive laws would stop you assume to big market
waser78 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:41:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As a telecom worker I would stab you in the face with a spoon. We get put on hold for just as long as everyone else but we get paid per job (or ticket as we call it). So we'll sit on the phone for a half hour and not get paid any extra for it. Makes it a real pain to try and make a living. Also everyone takes their anger out on us. I'm just a technician. I don't control wait times. I hate the system as much as anyone.
The_Bronze_Scrub ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:30:20 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Great can you make it so sky doesnt give me random line checks dropping my internet for 40 minutes every night?
moedeez_zar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:10:05 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please start with Telkom.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:27:27 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put a limit on their bandwidth at night
unknown_human ยท 4783 points ยท Posted at 14:19:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donating $10 billion to Bill Gates. The poor man's gotta live somehow.
Divine_E ยท 2675 points ยท Posted at 17:49:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can just imagine him getting irrationally angry about this, screaming "I am trying to give away all my money, can't you see that?"
josue804 ยท 1191 points ยท Posted at 18:38:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It would go down as the best prank in history
mortiphago ยท 96 points ยท Posted at 19:53:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
and the poor of the world collectively facepalm while starving
LevelSevenLaserLotus ยท 69 points ยท Posted at 20:56:10 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That would actually be one of the best ways to help those people. Gates already has foundations and charities set up for exactly that, and he'd be able to handle it without creating hyperinflation and screwing over the very people you're trying to help.
poiu45 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:34:01 on April 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tbh I'd probably give him more than 10 billion
Gibodean ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 21:21:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once my sister and I each got some lollies for Christmas. I hid mine in the loungeroom, thinking it was a great hiding spot. I made sure to count them to make sure my sister didn't steal them. Over a few days I started to notice I had more than the day before. I was totally amazed and starting to think I was crazy.
Trolled by my sister. My Mum made me give the surplus back.
josue804 ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 21:29:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha damn she got you. Would've been evil if she had eaten one of hers and then told your mom she didn't have all the surplus back. Making it seem like you ate an extra one.
Gibodean ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:33:32 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oooh.
wise_comment ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 19:02:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Better than brojob?
Just_Saint ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:00:31 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you wanna be villain Number 1
WHYRedditHatesMeSo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:43:12 on April 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You have to chase a superhero on the run
Modmypad ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 18:54:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's just a prank bro!
4FrSw ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:17:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It would go up duh, by about 10 billion i assume
you_got_fragged ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:06:25 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is going down in history
Dew_bird ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:11:23 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ahh...its a Brewster's millions situation
ryan2point0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:16:42 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TrollGates 2017
paperplateface ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 18:59:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It would be like the rich guy equivalent of putting more shampoo on the head of a person in the shower.
elapid ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 19:18:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then you pay someone in the bank to spy on his account you can replace every dollar he spends the moment he spends it.
Then when he tries to spend it all in one go to get to you don't replace it.
mfb- ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 19:26:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He would happily funnel all that money into humanitarian projects, 10 billions at a time. You can do a lot with a trillion dollars.
Intrexa ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:55:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would never wash my socks ever again. I would pay someone to acquire me a brand new pair of high quality socks every single day, some nice merino wool socks. He would then donate the dirty ones to charity, or maybe sells them online, or w/e. I don't care. As long as he's always nearby with a new pair of socks whenever I need them.
Killer_Tomato ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:14:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Enjoy your foot rash from wearing new socks constantly. Unless your guy washes and dries them perfectly before he gives them to you.
ABEW19043 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 20:22:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He said high quality socks. He'll be fine
Toxicitor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:38:00 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, hire a foot-double to wear them for a couple of washes first, to break them in. If you hire the right guy, it'll be like you were the one breaking them in.
I think foot-doubles actually exist for shoes, I read about them somewhere.
EDIT: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/queen-elizabeth-II/9278018/Queen-employs-Royal-shoe-wearer-to-soften-up-new-leather.html
theelous3 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:48:57 on April 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What a fucking waste of tax money.
I can't believe brits put up with the queen, yet scowl about dole scroungers. Royal fam is the equivalent of 2865.37 people on the dole per year.
Toxicitor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:31:07 on April 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://youtube.com/watch?v=bhyYgnhhKFw
theelous3 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:50:09 on April 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's complete bullshit. That land is the "crown estate" and is for all intents and purposes owned by a branch of the government.
The modern royal family has as much to do with that land as any other random bit of public space. To say that having the royal family (in terms of expenses) is profitable is facetious. The debt owed to the royals from that land died alongside Geroge the III, but greedy / lazy royals afterwards decided to keep that train running simply because they were the monarchs, and who could fuckin' stop 'em? The only thing supporting this stance now is an imaginary fear of authority and politeness.
Better yet, not only axe the dole scrounging royal family, but move that land fully in to the public sphere to be governed by the people completely.
3athompson ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 19:22:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He'd just call you an idiot for wasting all that money on taxes instead of directly gifting the money to his charity, but he'd take the money happily to fight Guinea Worm.
HippyHitman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:46:03 on April 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is this what Bill Gates does? He's a monster fighter?
vernontwinkie ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:06:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So 2017's Brewster's Millions. I'd watch that.
pinkiedash417 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:58:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate the money to his kids instead. That will get him even more angry, since he's said in the past (paraphrasing here) that he doesn't want his kids to have "fuck you" money.
gaviidae ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:11:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Create a matching grant where every dollar he gives to charity he gets two from you.
theidleidol ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:41:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just set up a foundation to automatically gift him the right amount of money such that, once his outgoing and incoming taxes are done, his net worth doesn't change a cent when he tries to give some away.
joelmartinez ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:34:40 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Remind me of that YouTube prank vid where the guy keeps putting shampoo in people that are trying to rinse their hair
I_Xertz_Tittynopes ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:52:40 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate it to him with the stipulation that he has to spend it on material possessions for himself. Don't let that bastard get all philanthropic with your prank money.
Hellguin ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:37:52 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I never realized how obscenely rich I wanted to be till I read this comment...
GrethSC ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:42:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You have to do it at the exact moment he breaks even though.
Hammer_Jackson ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:44:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bruster's millions style
happyFelix ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:48:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Since he's started with this he gave away -34 billions, so it is not like it is going in the right direction anyway...
sirblastalot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:45:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, he probably has way better ideas for what to do with that kind of money than we do.
FreestyleKneepad ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:27:15 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's not my fault Bill Gates is stuck in a stand battle.
Makdous ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:21:51 on April 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tell him to eat shit, johnny
nyanch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:58:53 on April 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tell him yourself.
Turtledonuts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:53:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donates a million a day.
bob84900 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:47:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He'd probably be better at giving it away than I would be though.
I'd probably give him 500 billion TBH. I'd still have way more money than I'd ever know what to do with, and at least some of it would be in good hands.
[deleted] ยท -6 points ยท Posted at 19:23:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
he doesnt give away a god damn thing. all his humanitarian work is just a front for the social engineering games billionaires like to play in their old age.
Davidskis21 ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 19:06:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Be super public about it too, talk about how bad you feel for him, and how you're just genuinely trying to make the world a better place by giving to those who need it most.
Daedalus871 ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 19:15:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hi, its me, Bill Gates.
Toxicitor ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 12:45:10 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
FTFY
[deleted] ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 17:32:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
it's not like he doesn't have a spare billion around
rchard2scout ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:58:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly though, if you're going for the philanthropy route with your trillion dollars, Bill is probably the man to talk to, he's one of the only guys with relevant experience.
Azertys ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:41:19 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eh, he would in turn give it to one of his charity. Congratulations /u/unknown_human, you've helped eliminate malaria!
Bladelink ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:18:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hell, you could give half of it to Gates. He's probably have a better idea how to use it to help people.
vmcreative ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So basically, you're going to join the Bill and Melinda Gates philanthropist fund?
Utegenthal ยท 10194 points ยท Posted at 11:06:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go on instagram, suscribe to "rich kids on instagram", call all those rich pricks "peasants". Job done.
Wogachino ยท 4780 points ยท Posted at 13:45:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was following some prince from UAE that posted a picture of his mega yacht with the caption "You peasants brag about your Bugatti while my gold toilet on my yacht is worth more"
That's some "fuck you" money right there.
DisneyBounder ยท 1860 points ยท Posted at 14:15:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would LOVE to see their parents (lets face it, none of it is their money!) go broke just to see the look on their faces.
[deleted] ยท 1390 points ยท Posted at 15:34:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They have enough money for around 3-4 future generations. Oil's not going out of fashion anytime soon.
Snuffy1717 ยท 1346 points ยท Posted at 17:26:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's a saying:
My grandfather rode a camel
My father drove a BMW
I'm driven around in a limo
My kids will be driven around in limos
My grandchildren will be riding camels.
bobosuda ยท 1341 points ยท Posted at 18:31:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The quote is by the old Emir of Dubai, Rashid bin Saeed Al Maktoum.
The actual quote is:
"My grandfather rode a camel, my father rode a camel, I drive a Mercedes, my son drives a Land Rover, his son will drive a Land Rover, but his son will ride a camel."
Snuffy1717 ยท 51 points ยท Posted at 18:37:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks :)
bobosuda ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 18:52:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No problem! I thought of the exact same quote too when I read his comment, and I was about to reply when I saw yours, so I figured I'd just add some additional info to your reply.
TheCrudMan ยท 65 points ยท Posted at 19:02:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Should probably turn some of that liquidity into prudent and diverse global investments instead of Land Rovers.
[deleted] ยท 60 points ยท Posted at 19:19:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Money doesn't make you smart.
Chazmer87 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 20:24:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, but you sure can hire lots of smart people
SickleWings ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 20:24:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Proof: Our current president.
chilean-dude ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 20:40:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, he's a billionare and the president of the most powerful country on earth, so there's that
WannabeGroundhog ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 20:46:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hes smart in that hes manipulative while also being very easily manipulated somehow, and unintelligent.
SailorET ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:28:26 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two facts there that could change in next few years, depending on how things go....
ICall_Bullshit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:40:03 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Im not a fan, but just because he's a prick doesn't mean he's stupid. He's just sadly on the greedy side of the fence, and very intelligent.
Helyos17 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 19:34:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They do. Those families will be well off for many generations to come.
Isord ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 19:39:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I have no doubt anybody with enough forethought to produce that quote already has a diversified portfolio.
YourMatt ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 19:50:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought it had more to do with the family tree branching out. Each generation adds an exponential number of people living off the money.
Isord ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:54:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sure but with good investments even a large family would be able to sustain itself for a long time on that kind of money. Plus usually rich people have fewer kids so their family trees don't expand as absurdly.
Usually, is the key word there. I have no idea what the family situation was for this Emir.
ma2016 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:21:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hadn't thought about that. Good point
zerogee616 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:00:18 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is why European monarchy had a single-heir system for a long time.
martianwhale ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:06:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hopefully not.
Helyos17 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:08:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Meh. I'm not going to begrudge a family simply because they happen to be in control of a resource the rest of the world wants. Sure some of them are asswads, but that's every family.
dwadley ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:29:58 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reasonable people on reddit?
gentrifiedasshole ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:09:44 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair, he has been. Why do you think he's been investing billions of dollars into the infrastructure and emenities of Dubai? He knows that eventually the oil is going to run out, so he's been positioning Dubai as one of the world's best travel and business destinations in the hopes that when the oil runs out, theres still an extensive tourism industry to fuel the countries growth.
TheCrudMan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:45:01 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Zero tolerance drug policy, no pork or porn, women required to dress modestly, sex outside of marriage illegal even for foreigners, women who get raped are charged with a crime. Sounds like a real rollicking good time.
Make no mistake, when the oil money is gone this city will be swallowed by sand. It already takes constant effort to avoid it now.
Terminator1501 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 21:05:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And that's why the UAE has for the past few decades been diversifying their economy and concentrating on STEM education fields. Out of all the oil rich Gulf nations, they are far ahead in the diversification game.
quyax ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 19:43:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"....And his son will fuck a camel. Dirty Abdul we call him. He's in a mental home".
Imakeufail ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:09:51 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
can someone explain why the son will ride a camel?
bobosuda ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:22:09 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The idea is that his forefathers were poor, he and is immediate sons are rich, but because the riches are fleeting and spent quickly through luxurious gifts to themselves like expensive cars and giant palaces, the money will disappear quickly as well and the family will be back to where they were as poor people.
Obviously that was not the case, seeing as I think the final son in this quote has actually been born, the great-grandson of the man who said it, and the family is still worth billions.
Imakeufail ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:02:53 on March 11, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ahhh i see, that's an interesting thing.
prodmerc ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:21:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He should've taught his son to drive a Mercedes as well. Land Rovers, great design but terrible reliability... :D
bobosuda ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:27:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Land Rovers are great cars if money is not an issue, though. I would love to drive a Land Rover, but everything about repairs or basic maintainance for those cars are so incredibly expensive compared to any other SUV.
prodmerc ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:34:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, I guess if you have 3 identical Land Rovers you can drive one anytime the other 2 are being repaired.
Aoloach ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You just use the other 2 as spare parts for your favorite one.
ItsMacAttack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:28:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The great thing about Land Rovers is they will deliver you parts to anywhere you happen to be broken down with one of their vehicles. Yes, this is expensive, but I live in America and sometimes I can't get parts for my Ford with every resource seemingly available.
elementz_m ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:46:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's also the saying "clogs to clogs in three generations."
ChVcky_Thats_me ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The last son in that list is actually already alive and rich.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:38:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Clogs to clogs in three generations. Old saying from Britain.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:09:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And then he transformed the industrial basis for the Dubai Emirate's economy so that won't be the case
ThegreatPee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:14:55 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Camel riding intensifies
TurboMP ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:40:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a hard enough time remembering my first and last name sometimes (1 syllable each). I'd be screwed if I were from the middle east.
jbarnes222 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:08:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The funny thing is that %70 of rich families lose their wealth by the second generation.
ukiyoe ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:12:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of this quote:
I would rather cry in a BMW than smile on a bicycle.
rythmicbread ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:29:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well yeah because camels will be more expensive than limos because a bunch died off because of climate change
cshermyo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:02:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like camels are one of the few species who are prepared for climate change.
CedarCabPark ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:54:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was going to say this as well, but I didn't remember the exact saying. I'm glad you're here Snuffy.
Really though, it's a great and precise saying. Always stuck with me. I think it's a bit different than the actual quote though. Limos aren't such a fancy thing these days anyway
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:31:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The previous Saudi king said that I think.
kynuna ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:51:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hard times create strong men, Strong men create good times, Good times create weak men, Weak men create hard times.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:39:52 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Camels are coming back into fashion?
Roadman2k ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:12:07 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Interesting because some camels sell for a whole lot more than a BMW these days.
lovespacedreams ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:51:29 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
does knowing this saying make your middle-class nights more bearable?
Snuffy1717 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:57:16 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Does being edgy on Reddit increase your sense of self-worth?
(Based on your comment history, I'd say you're trying too hard. Find a new hobby because trolling just isn't working for you).
lovespacedreams ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:11:39 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're pretty good at your buzzwords and memes. Maybe try spending some less time away from reddit and your computer and you'll start realizing that not everyone posts on reddit to increase their self-worth and mask their insecurities like you.
I don't even need to look through your comments to judge you. Someone who's spent four years lurking this site and doing inane exchanges with strangers screams socially awkward and lonely. You're probably even proud of that fact.
But hey even social rejects need a place to call their home. Enjoy the rest of your life being a manchild
Snuffy1717 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:18:30 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"I don't even need to look through your comments to judge you. Someone who's spent four years lurking this site and doing inane exchanges with strangers screams socially awkward and lonely"
Says the person calling me out?.......
But I'm sorry you're upset by my posting. I'm not sure what's going on in your life, but I hope that your day gets better.
eaterofdog ยท 244 points ยท Posted at 16:18:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You don't seem to be aware of the societal problems of their oil economy. They've been using this income to buy off the poorer people for a while. Now the money is drying up and tension is building. Guess who has a big ol target on their back?
https://www.rt.com/business/375746-saudi-arabia-vat-gulf-oil/
[deleted] ยท 256 points ยท Posted at 17:34:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
dumptruck_42 ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 18:34:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If by "notoriously biased in favour of" you mean "literally owned and operated by," then yes that is correct.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/RT_(TV_network)
pondlife78 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 19:24:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Owned and operated by" doesn't mean they will show blatant bias on almost every single issue. There is a distinction to be made there.
KJ6BWB ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:43:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You have an extra closing parenthesis that's messing up your link. If you want to [quote](link) then you need to escape the parenthesis.
xnaas ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:09:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not only that...it's a fuckin' mobile link which is only two backspaces to fix. Here's a fixed link for all: Wikipedia
KJ6BWB ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:11:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You are a hero to the masses.
Droidaphone ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 18:27:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is putting it lightly. RT is an arm of the Kremlin propaganda machine, and a beefy one at that.
gasface ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:09:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's almost as if that is what he meant by notoriously!
blue_alien_police ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:47:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is an article from Politico on how RT covered the election as an Anti-Hillary, Pro-Trump (and Pro-Bernie) machine, bookended by mentions of Ed Schultz, the former MSNBC flame-throwing left-wing propagandist and his turn to the Russian media outlet.
And here is an article from Time Magazine on how RT works on the inside in general. (published before Trump got into the race, and before they hired some of their bigger guns).
Cyber_Cheese ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:48:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's a lot of anti Russian stuff on reddit it seems. Honestly, seeing a non-American point of view is refreshing to me.
TzunSu ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:01:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's a lot of anti Russian stuff anywhere in the western world, and for very good reasons in many cases. Reality isn't impartial.
You do know that the the Russians have a very active wing of online commentators, right?
Cyber_Cheese ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:18:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One source is never impartial. A mixed variety of sources can be. It's about seeing the other side, and making up my own mind.
The_Karma_Killer ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:35:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But RT is literal propaganda that has no need to relate to the truth. It'd be like using those army recruiting ads to get an accurate idea of what army life is like.
[deleted] ยท -30 points ยท Posted at 18:29:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
jlmbsoq ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 18:39:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Facts are not a liberal conspiracy. Pointing out that a news outlet has a bias is not part of some secret liberal agenda to discredit conservatives. Get over your damn persecution complex, nobody is out to get you.
ChubbyWordsmith ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 18:49:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm out to get him.
You hear me u/bruneo? I'm coming for you. That persecution complex is well founded.
[deleted] ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 18:54:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
pondlife78 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:30:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The BBC is heavily biased towards UK interests in general. They make efforts not to favour a particular political party or position within the UK, but if there is something that the political interests in the UK have broad agreement on then that is the viewpoint you will get from the BBC. So (for example) if you want an unbiased viewpoint on things happening in former British colonies like Hong Kong, then the BBC is unlikely to be a good option. Making people aware of bias is a helpful thing to do - it's up to each person how to take that into account when getting info from a particular source.
TzunSu ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:02:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, RT is unreliable because it's proven itself to not be trusted many times in the past. Some state run news agencies are fairly impartial, some are even more critical towards their own state then outsiders. RT is not one of them.
The_Karma_Killer ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:38:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
RT is an arm of the SFB, it'd me like if the bbc were a division of GCHQ.
Plus the BBC is biased.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:52:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
The_Karma_Killer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:48:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But not equally biased. There's a difference between a frame and a fib. RT will blatantly lie.
donaxi ยท -8 points ยท Posted at 18:36:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh no, the Russia boogeyman is at it again!
Fiery1Phoenix ยท 93 points ยท Posted at 17:13:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please never link rt
OhHeyDont ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 17:48:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What's wrong with rt?
Fiery1Phoenix ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 17:51:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Russian propaganda
mrpopenfresh ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:10:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Literally.
[deleted] ยท -16 points ยท Posted at 18:29:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
anikm21 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 18:47:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Literally owned by russian govt but w/e.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:59:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Thin-White-Duke ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
RT is notorious for biased reporting.
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 19:12:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Thin-White-Duke ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:13:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Godt dammit, I fed the troll.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:16:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Thin-White-Duke ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:19:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kind of funny that you'd assume that about me. For years, the only two news apps I had were Al Jazeera and BBC.
someone496 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:42:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
UAE is in a much better position than the Saudis.
Nalortebi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:02:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ok, ok. So I saw this image in that article and thought "Do they know they're flying?".
PlayLikeNewbs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:56:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alot of these problems stem from the crude oil price dropping, a single oil reservoir can have a lifespan of 100 + years. If the price of oil comes back to 80$ /bbl, the problems will continue
Casrox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yea and its dropping because restrictions are not being put in place and production this began ramping up as soon as opec agreed to cut their drilling to reasonable levels. But surprise surprise, who would've thought that cutting regulations in regard to drilling production would cause more drilling to occur(especially drilling in west tx). It's common sense that this would happen when even the president is telling about deregulation and promising a easier drilling process for the oil industry as a whole.
KJ6BWB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:44:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There are many companies just getting along, who are eagerly waiting for the price of oil to rise to reopen their fields. If OPEC does cut their production enough so that the price of oil rises enough, they'll only hurt themselves.
mrpopenfresh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:09:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's kind of why places like Dubai have been developped explicitely as trade hubs.
Aoae ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:16:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm honestly expecting the Saudi Arabian monarchy to collapse within 50 years.
SinkHoleDeMayo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:03:36 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
KSA isn't the same as the rest of the region. The UAE is fairly big into finance and precious metals (40% of the worlds physical gold trade). Bahrain deals with aluminum and is also big into finance (but the latter might not last when oil profits fall). Qatar has quite a lot of foreign investment. Iran has some thriving ag industries and other higher tech sectors that will do better if they can lose the religious stranglehold on the government.
But KSA isn't going to do well.
GourmetCoffee ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:39:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is it, we don't turn people against oil with climate change or energy independence.
We do it by making them hate the spoiled little rich shits that we're funding. Can't think of something old white people would be more pissed off about than Arabic kids calling them peasants. Except maybe gay Arabic kids calling them peasants.
buttery_shame_cave ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:09:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
gay arabic transgender liberal kids emigrating to america to call them peasants.
killadah727 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:06:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
triggered
Casrox ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:34:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's cool and all but until American cities as a whole create public transport systems that are not absolutely garbage then oil will still be used at a mass level. The way infrastructures in most major cities(especially in southern states...tx,okl,az,NM) are built, they do not contain the ease or access needed to completely convert the average American. For instance I live in the capital of tx. Today I actually need to go to my mechanic. In order to do this through public transport I would have to wake up at the crack of fucking dawn, walk a mile+ to get to the closest bus stop, then waste 1-3hrs going less than 20 miles one way. Also the bus stop nearest my mechanic is 1.2 miles away. So that's another 40 minutes of walking give or take. We are talking a 6-7hr round trip time through public transport compared to an hour max round trip if I just use my car. This also doesn't factor in those areas that are more rural. For instance, I lived in the "hill country" while growing up. I was 5 miles outside of our very small town(less than 10k ppl), and 30 miles from the nearest metro style city(San Antonio). There was one bus for school and that's it. No public transport at all. If I didn't have a car I wouldn't be able to do anything. A public transport is completely possible, but only if the area you live in has heavily invested in an infrastructure that supports and promotes that form of transit imo.
GourmetCoffee ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:37:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And why does this mean we can't have electric cars?
RigidChop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Source?
Insert_Gnome_Here ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:10:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, it's starting to. It'll probably still be immensely profitable in 50 years, but after that, climate change might just be its deathknell.
zephyy ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 16:15:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why do you think Dubai has built 100 skyscrapers, ridiculous islands, and a bunch of malls and theme parks? For fun or for tourism cash?
They know.
ithoughtyousaidgoat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:20:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take away that hyphen and it's still true.
BtDB ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:47:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
not with they way some of them spend it. Oil price being what they are. They're spending a lot faster than their pumping it out of the ground.
The Sheikh primarily responsible for the transformation of Dubai was once quoted. "My grandfather rode a Camel, my father rode a Camel, I drive a Mercedes, my son drives a Land Rover, his son will drive a Land Rover, but his son will ride a Camel."
Granted there might be a couple more generations squeezed in there but the point still stands.
John_Wilkes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not from the oil money they don't. The Saudis will be bankrupt in under 20 years if oil prices don't head up over $80 again. The UAE can last longer, but that's banking money, not oil money.
Hairless-Sasquatch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No but platform shoes with fish in them definitely are
Sangheilioz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:28:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It will after I invest half a trillion dollars into clean energy infrastructure. All so I can see the spoiled rich kids heartbroken!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oil not going out of fashion soon is a bold statement in these times.
NPRdude ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not Arabic wealth, but here in Vancouver we have a lot of fortunes flowing in from East Asia, and I read a statistic at some point saying on average ~90% of the wealth was gone by the 3rd generation (grandchildren of those who brought the money to Canada).
puppetmaster2501 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:33:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't they have so much money now though, that if they just invest in other business/stocks with some of their money it won't even matter if oil becomes irrelevant?
I find it hard to imagine they have no savings or investments, and are literally just spending every oil dollar right as it comes in with no concern for the future. It seems that way because of how much they do spend... but i think they make & invest even more.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:38:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Try telling that to our federal government in Canada and our provincial government in Alberta. Fucking idiots the lot of them.
InstigatingDrunk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:56:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah they just invest all that money and live off the haram interest
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:17:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's not just oil money anymore. The Saudis might be financially retarded but the people they pay to invest their money aren't. The arab oil states are investing trillions into the market, real estate and private foreign infrastructure.
BeastModular ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:39:31 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A trillion? That's forever money bro
Prester_John_ ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 18:16:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would LOVE to see all the real peasants in that country rise up and start hanging some of these rich fucks.
123wtfno ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:47:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or just, their parents seeing that behaviour and going 'Bragging with my money? HELL no' and cutting them off
BEAR_SUIT ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:54:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There was an interview with the rich kids of China. Their lifestyle costs them thousands to tens of thousands of dollars (US) a day on average.
The interviewer asked them what would happen if they go broke, and they started saying they would sell their purses and watches and stuff
MackerLad93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
IIRC some parents were prosecuted because of their kids flaunting money on social media. The kids' photos were used as evidence in cases where the parents made money through crime.
JustCarlPassingThrew ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:14:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There was a guy on Instagram who always called people peasants. Also showed off with fancy stuff. Then someone saw him on the train and called him a fake. Wonder if he still on Instagram.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:57:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
mecaenas ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:48:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A sociopath
priteeboy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:25:39 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can you imagine how cold it would be when you sit on it!
loi044 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 15:19:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Got his IG link?
NDSystemsAnalyst ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:17:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like the link too.
KungFooRobot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:43:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why, exactly? He sounds like the worst person imaginable.
orobsky ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 18:54:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cause it's funny shit. None of us will never have anything close to what he has and it would be interesting to see
KungFooRobot ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:59:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fair enough. I disagree with the fun part, but I can see where you're coming from.
[deleted] ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 19:06:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
KungFooRobot ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:46:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I meant to say "worst kind of person imaginable" if that changes anything for you.
fragilelyon ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:57:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Unless he's counting the yacht in that amount, he might need to check his price tags according to my lazy googling.
Rhodie114 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:10:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's a crazy rich Asian kid at my Uni who drives a Lamborghini Aventador (new this semester. Thank god the poor guy's not still stuck driving his old Tesla S) everywhere. I can't help but laugh though because I'll while he's definitely got serious fuck you money, I still see him doing shit like taking it to Target to do shopping. Motherfucker blew all that money on the car and is still cleaning his own bathroom, i don't get it.
lawonga ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:18:26 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Asian kids are given the car and told to try to keep to a low profile.
I'm surprised he's not driving his lower profile BMW or something to school
ginger_baker ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:43:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honest question/observation: if Bill Gates is the richest man in the world, where are these people's place on the richest people in the world list? It seems that the Saudi royal family is just about the richest group of people in the world. Do they have more money than Bill Gates? Do they count as one whole or many parts to one whole?
Usus-Kiki ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:00:48 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They dont have more money than gates. Their combined networth is south of 50billion. Gates is around 80 billion.
Kilmir ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:58:56 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gates has more, but he doesn't spend it needlessly on gold toilets and such. The Saudis are literally too rich for their own good. They're spending it almost as fast as it is coming in. Once the oil dries up the family will go bankrupt within a generation.
Caelum_Cantorus ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:25:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wealth is disgusting.
Water-and-Watches ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:44:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One of my friends' family from UAE owns one of the world's biggest yachts.
I went to Cannes and saw it and texted her about it, it didn't fit in the marina, so they had a "smaller" yacht (aka still bigger than the other ones) bring them to the marina.
ChickenTendi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:54:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We all die the same.
ImATreeNut ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:23:19 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bro. Those some rich ass motherfuckers. I worked with the UAE presidential guard and someone the same rank as me made wayyyyyy more money than I do. I rethought my life choices even more.
poorimaginations ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:16:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Unfortunately for them the oil isn't going to last forever and they have no other assets of value and no particular skills.
They'll be a poor war torn nation before long.
VestigialPseudogene ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:41:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
war in torn nation
Usus-Kiki ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:58:30 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Very relevant username
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:05:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do you want pirate attacks? Cause that is how you get pirate attacks.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:12:47 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build another yacht
aut0matix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:44:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
link to IG? I really want to see this kid.
oh_no_not_canola_oil ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:12:00 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And he probably considers himself to be a morally upstanding Muslim, despite never giving alms to the poor, which is one of the Five Pillars of Islam.
SpiderDolphinBoob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:21:33 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Does a gold toilet really cost over a million?
gwh21 ยท 1273 points ยท Posted at 11:30:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy two of whatever they buy, destroy one on your new instagram/youtube channel and tag them on the post and then relentlessly mock them about how their money just isn't good enough
[deleted] ยท 637 points ยท Posted at 12:17:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Their money isn't a high enough quality to stand up to your premium money.
NovaPixel ยท 449 points ยท Posted at 12:29:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My 1$ bills are worth 100$ each!
[deleted] ยท 202 points ยท Posted at 13:13:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Blow your nose with it and its $1000
BIGMc_LARGEHUGE ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:56:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Funny cuz when I used to do coke and blow my nose the next day my roommate would say "There goes $30"
10takeWonder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:45:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
all dat booger sugar
Jerod22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:31:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've got 10 premium $100 bills, they're worth $10,000 each
M8asonmiller ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:35:21 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You should run for president.
NovaPixel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:37:13 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's how you get inflation.
ihatethesidebar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:57:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's not just dollars, it's DollarPlusโข.
Zerotan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:40:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Blue Rubies!
17 for $2.79 or
79 for $9.79 or
POPULAR CHOICE!
191 for $21.79 or
BEST VALUE!
7927 for $719.29
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:49:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Destroy one, then pan to the other you still have and destroy that too, then buy a custom high class version and give that away to some average schmuck that went to school with the person you're mocking and buy yourself something average and sensible and tell them that you don't give a fuck about what people think about you because you have "fuck you" money that lets you say that to EVERYONE.
shankartz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:31:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Destroy one with the other then buy another.
ihateradiohead ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:18:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey what's up guys Tech Rax here
Darylwilllive4evr ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:46:34 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So really the only thing stopping you from becoming them is money
pWheff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:21:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pot-latch city
Puddle-Stomper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love this
prboi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy their house and destroy it while filming it and put it on YouTube.
HonestWill ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:49:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't have an instagram or know who these "rich kids on instagram" are. All I know is fuck those kids.
sdfghs ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 15:45:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You wrote "buy instagram" wrong
VageCheese ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:59:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With that money you can buy those spoiled Instagram kids and make them your butler or some shit.
Psudopod ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:48:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I follow this rich Chinese dude on Tumblr. He posts pics of these magnificent hotels across the world that he's staying at, his huge penthouse that he's living in with his sister, all open concept all white dickery. The worst part, the reason I followed him, is he is amazing at art. He's a master of detail, steampunk, lace, Victorian style intricate dress and decor, and has this really pleasing foggy painterly color style. It's bullshit. I wish I could steal his art powers, I actually think if given the choice between magically copying his skills so we both have the talent, or magically stealing his skills so he can't use them anymore, I'd steal his art skills.
It's just such bullshit. You can't be born super rich and talented! It's not fair! Either or! Starving artist or talentless moneybags. Come oooon. ๐ญ
priteeboy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:29:47 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe his wealth came from elsewhere though? Never seen this guy's work but I'm sure there's half a million artists on deviantART alone who can match or even surpass his quality of work and they ain't livi'n in penthouses.
Psudopod ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:51:13 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He's one of those people on Deviantart, he's been featured at least once afaik. He's from a wealthy family, I think, it's not like he personally invented jeggings and is living off the sweet Jean/legging fortune. He's a... Design student somewhere in California. In a private apartment, fully furnished in chique white furniture. Classic, wealthy Chinese young adult, sent to the USA to get a degree in being someone who could afford to go to America to get a degree. His parents are wealthy, yeah, but they seem generous to him and his sister so it's not like they are worrying about getting a degree that will serve them well in getting ahead.
priteeboy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:04:26 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This slightly enraged me lol. Wonder if I have ever looked at his work by accident there and just didn't realize it. I suppose that's one of the good things about the internet - it puts everyone on the same playing field. A millionaire's account only carries as much weight as anyone else's does.
spiltnuc ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:26:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ThePoliteCanadian ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:03:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy instagram so the money could keep on flowing and I'd still have income instead of a stale 1 trillion that surely cant sustain itself with my wild purchases I know i'll make and the costs for my family and friends in need. Then I'd go to class with a smile on my face knowing that all this education shit just became optional.
_ekaj_ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:04:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a friend who is featured on that show... the producers definitely hype it up, but my friend is still a douche bag!
appledude9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:32:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
then why are you friends with him/her?
cfedey ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:33:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Because they're rich. Duh.
CaptainThief ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:11:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Work complete.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:51:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pheasants
GreasedTorpedo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:42:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So many skinny jeans, hard to tell which ones are girls. So i'll just hide my awkward boner.
bloodflart ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:55:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just heard there is a rich/famous people only Instagram
MuhBack ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:02:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What is rich kids on instagram?
Ramhawk123 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:32:58 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"rich kids of Instagram" is a Instagram account where you have to pay $20k to get your pics uploaded by them.
MuhBack ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:19:28 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why would you want that?
Ramhawk123 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:22:20 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you have that kinda money and you give it to someone that's 16, they're gonna do stupid stuff with it lol
And the person that owns the acc makes bank from all these kids he's finnesing
MuhBack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:27:58 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean I know there are really rich people but are there that many kids with access to $20k? I'd just think their parents would give them like $100 per weekend or however much they need to go out on the weekend to the movies and eat.
Ramhawk123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:34:48 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lots of Saudi Princes, billionaires' kids, etc
These are the kinds of people that buy their kids a Ferrari for their first car
7echArtist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:03:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The town I work in is full of people who think their rich when they really are not but act like it. My first act would be a billboard with that on it that I would then post to that Instagram. It would be so satisfying.
IronMan5280 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:03:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You savage!
Grizzly_Berry ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:28:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And I would buy all of the thousand dollar apps.
Cerxa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:31:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
small time
deeplife ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:41:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah lowering yourself to their level I see
bgzlvsdmb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:56:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That doesn't sound like the attitude of a trillionaire.
Everything I do is the attitude of a trillionaire because I have a trillion dollars.
gaviidae ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:10:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's the way poor people talk. Rich adults hire someone else to do their dirty work.
Cyno01 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What? Pay to have every single one of them killed!
A trillion dollars is... its so far past fuck you money, its do whatever the fuck you want because you are untouchable kinda money. Hey secret service agents, ill give you each half a billion dollars to hold down the president so i can pee in his mouth.
nobody2000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:13:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're like the Bruce Wayne of Instagram City.
GeekofFury ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:25:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also call them the "unwashed masses." HAH!
DJMooray ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:57:53 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy instagram and ban them.
SeanNukem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:54:27 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yah doin' God's work boy. Proud o' yah.
Whapwhaaap ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 15:43:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You don't "subscribe" on instagram, grandpa!
Terrapinz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:31:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You can't subscribe on instagram noob
DildoGiftcard ยท 23183 points ยท Posted at 16:04:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Change my name to Trill Gates.
maggos ยท 4238 points ยท Posted at 17:10:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And start dropping fire mixtapes ๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ฅ
Rap__Bot ยท 1737 points ยท Posted at 17:35:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Trill Gates drops fire mixtapes
Nobody's this rich so they can't relate
Nobody's this great, and that's no debate
You better run mate, cuz I'm Trill Gates
butterrss ยท 547 points ยท Posted at 17:56:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Australian rap is weird
WAR_TROPHIES ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 19:33:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
he's not real he's just a rap bot
Player72 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 23:35:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All my people from the front to the back nod, back nod
cstar4004 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:55:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What words trigger the rap bot? I must know
WAR_TROPHIES ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 19:55:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
๐คwhen he sees a random post and begins making random rhymes knowing his username is rap_bot and he knows some one will call him out on it, he gets triggered.
theg61337 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:52:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, look in his comment history. It's not a bot.
WAR_TROPHIES ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:53:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
๐
nan6 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 19:42:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Australian rap is actually sick, unfortunately it doesn't translate well over reddit where the only real Australian quality is the word "mate"
benchVT ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:57:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I live in the US but really like Aussie hip hop, I wish there where opertunitys to see some of them over here
NotNamingNames ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:05:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm Irish and Hilltop Hoods seem to go to Amsterdam every now and then, so I'm just silently waiting until their next time.
ssfgrgawer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:27:15 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah they tend to stick around Australia most of the time but the Hoods, Bliss N Eso, Horrorshow, Briggs and a few others have done overseas tours from time to time.
WAR_TROPHIES ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:00:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And roo
kinenin ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:33:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
it's upside down
czech_it ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:05:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
sวสษโ สสฤฑษนโฅ ษฏ,I znษ 'วสษษฏ unษน ษนวสสวq noโ
วสษqวp ou s,สษษฅส puษ 'สษวษนฦ sฤฑษฅส s,สpoqoแด
วสษสวษน ส,uษษ สวษฅส os ษฅษฤฑษน sฤฑษฅส s,สpoqoแด
sวdษสxฤฑษฏ วษนฤฑษ sdoษนp sวสษโ สสฤฑษนโฅ
Logiteck77 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:25:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
WEW
czech_it ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:32:04 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
WEWLAD
E
W
L
A
D
Kickintepants ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:05:07 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Silly colonies.
mumpls ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:31:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shit*
jamesvdant ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 17:46:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't ask for this
Giovanniwillfuckyou ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 17:57:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He runs so fast the flash slows down
He cums a vast amount
Money doesn't run out
Uses Benjamin's to wipe his butt out
[deleted] ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 18:03:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Giovanniwillfuckyou ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:07:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks fam
Giovanniwillfuckyou ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:39:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just tell me why I am getting downvotes so I won't do it again
Aoloach ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:51:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My guess is because "Thanks fam" makes you not "fit right in wif the UK grind fing m8."
you_got_fragged ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:08:13 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
just tell me why you replied to yourself
MattTheProgrammer ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:29:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is like some prog. metal rhythm you got goin' on right there fam.
PracticeMakesPizza ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:36:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You don't deserve that username.
waitedforgodot ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:12:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ew
JWson ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:24:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a spiritual lyrical individual
Gettin' physical visual eatin' a bowl of cereal
Tyedied ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:49:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spiritual miracle lyrical individual spiritual miracle individual
MadApple_ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:16:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You forgot to drop your mic.
drops mic
Sa-alam_winter ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:02:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
username checks out
ConspiracyVictim ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:14:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damnit I'm 11 minutes late.
uncleyachty ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:07:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is so bad, and not in the I'll pity upvote you way; in the why did I have to read that, downvoted, type of way
Markual ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:36:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Those might be the worst bars i've ever read in my life.
wheeldog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:47:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Best not - bot I've seen in some time
Cascudo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:51:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Keep away from the digital bitch
She's so rich, the digital bitch
ReimersHead ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Shakespeare of our generation, a true lyrical word-smith-genius.
rythmicbread ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:26:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damn, my name's Mill Gates. Better catch up
Zvede ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:42:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
just don't
MAzayuer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:38:06 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
due to someone saying you'd get triggeredBOO, weak ass fire m8
HeIsIAndIAmHim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck off rap bot
dajugganaut17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:54:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Still waiting on my ill fate
From ill gotten gains
Nickel plated rain
Diamonds shining
Platinum chillin on my grill and plates
PackersFan92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:20:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Had to go this far for some bars that would come from a trill rapper.
theehtn ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:57:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What the
Ajcard ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 18:32:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My names trill gates bitch My bank account's exploding Tried online banking last week But the numbers are still loading
livin4donuts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:22:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's pretty good, not gonna lie.
thomasbomb45 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:23:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
End of the line rhyming, no internal rhymes at all though
livin4donuts ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:08:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well I mean the guys not Eminem.
exemplariasuntomni ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 19:49:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm Trill Gates,
Fuck yo interest rates,
I put the great lakes in a tub on my plane -- snakes,
verified twitter cause I had some fakes
Gold inlay on sauna, don't say you don't wanna
Diamond gold Iguana, from 4 comma* Dalai Lama,
I bought Abu Dabhi and it came with Guatemala
Got oodles of o's in my wells fargos checks
needed the 9 screens to see correct
*Shoutout /u/speedtouch
DoublePisters ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:43:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rain drop
maggos ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:45:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drop top
Make Microsoft look like a tech flop
DoublePisters ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:51:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Making dank memes as I crop crop crop
Hot_and_beat_gutman ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:35:32 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You three are the new Migos
ClumsyFleshMannequin ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:09:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Best rappers in the world Dylon, Dylon.... And Dylon. I spit hot fire!
maggos ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:09:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I only drink the finest of breast milks
I_not_Jofish ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:50:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First thing first I'm the richest
Like a playlist I Shuffle through bitches
Better than these tools call them wrenches
Can't stand up to me sit down on these benches
Motha fucka I run every business
Got the fast cash smooth with the quickness
What's Gucci mane?
More like who's he mane?
Rappers? More like candy wrappers cause you trash
Unoriginal, there's billions of you just like my cash
Bill gates tryna come at me better stop
Like a man in China you micro when soft
Trill gates coming in with the fire
All you others are washed up need a dryer
speedtouch ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:41:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
4 comma king nothing but bling
xRooney2x ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:01:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you can't rap just hire the best ghost writers and pay everyone to be quiet lol
maggos ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:03:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can dig rappin
But a rapper with a ghost writer? Wtf happened?
ZiggyOnMars ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:27:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://youtu.be/69GsAPTQYFg
GayForGod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:03:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Trether
Titus_Favonius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:41:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With that much money I bet he could pay plenty of radio stations to play even the shittiest rap
ridzzv2 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 18:14:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ฏ๐ฏ๐ฏ๐ฏ๐ฏ
Micotu ยท 733 points ยท Posted at 18:45:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bill wakes up one morning, hungover, after a late night soirรฉe at the foundation. Melinda looks at him and says, "Wow, Bill, you don't look so good." Bill replies, "Yeah I know, I feel like a million bucks..."
[deleted] ยท 169 points ยท Posted at 20:14:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
iamahotblondeama ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:41:43 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's a meek mill
Hypothesis_Null ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:16:22 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He sits in front of Milhouse.
spockspeare ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 20:58:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LPT: When tempted to tell a joke in any sub, also post it to /r/Jokes immediately so it doesn't get poached.
Micotu ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:04:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i posted it a few months ago when i thought of it and it didnt' get any traction. Feel free to transform and post again.
Edit: looks like i posted it to r/funny. Just submitted it to r/jokes: https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/5yi1g0/bill_gates_wakes_up_one_morning_hungover_after_a/
PointyOintment ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:34:33 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It probably didn't get traction in /r/funny because it's actually funny.
MontanaSD ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 21:39:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If Bill woke up with a billion dollars to his name he would commit suicide.
LordLynceus ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 19:10:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you spend any of it you won't have a trillion dollars anymore :-(
ministerpresident ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:21:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's only true if OP had exactly 0 money before waking up.
PM_ME_CUTE_BABY_PICS ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:35:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It doesn't say a trillion more. It says with a trillion dollars.
ministerpresident ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:40:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But is it trillion cash, trillion in new bank account, trillion net worth? I need specifics.
PM_ME_CUTE_BABY_PICS ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:43:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A trillion in cash would be troublesome
eternally-curious ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:45:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Let's see. The highest denomination of US currency is $100. A "wad" of cash is usually 100 Franklins, so that's 10k per wad. A standard suitcase of cash can probably hold about 100 wads, so that's a million per suitcase. So... you'd need literally a million suitcases, each stuffed full of cash. You'd need a goddamn warehouse.
Then again, with a trillion bucks, I'm sure I could afford to rent out a decently cheap warehouse.
PM_ME_CUTE_BABY_PICS ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:53:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If it just showed up in and around d your house when you woke up it wouldn't be much fun. Here is a trillion dollars visualized.
eternally-curious ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:59:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yup, that looks about right. Like I said, according to my back-of-the-napkin math, you'd literally need a warehouse.
DildoGiftcard ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:17:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Worth it.
juniorspank ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:16:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man, if you had .01% interest that's still $100,000.
JulioCesarSalad ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 17:33:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ayy
ska_vlc ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:43:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
More marketable than your current one.
DildoGiftcard ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:18:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is it?
slumberpartymassacre ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:02:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Trillho
ConventionalHipster ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:15:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Trillhouse
pugzy77X ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 17:04:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's genius. Take my upvote!
Ozzyo520 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:25:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow
RoboNinjaPirate ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:55:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call bill gates at home and make him do my tech support
postalportal ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:08:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll settle for Mill Gates.
Dookie_boy ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:55:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/unexpectedDS9
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:23:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gates Dax
Markual ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:35:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This comment belongs in a museum.
_J_G_M_ ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:09:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/u/poem_for_your_sprog - Please!
MrGlayden ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:37:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You wont need those gift cards any more
SuperNotFriendly ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:04:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dildo. Giftcard.
agent0731 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:09:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just had to do some weird burp/sneeze to conceal my laughter at my desk.
iotadaria ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:21:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make Quatro Commas Tequila
swaite ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:48:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Omg same.
VestigialPseudogene ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:38:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Clever
sittinhere ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:01:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Skrill Gates
toolemeister ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:57:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This wins reddit today.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:59:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's the greatest comment I've ever read! 10x imaginary gold for you!
ChunksGalore ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:08:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Missed a golden opportunity to call yourself TrilldoGiftcard.
bluthco ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:18:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bill is for a billion.
Trill is for a trillion.
Genius.
I_Fart_Liquids ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:05:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Does that mean I should change my name to Null Gates?
catchlight22 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:18:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The moment you spend a single dollar of that money, you're no longer trillionaire.
Although, properly investing that money would ensure you could spend like $500,000 a year without losing money.
Dabrush ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:33:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, do you know how much a Trillion is? If you invested the money and got 0.1% return on it, you could spend 1 Billion per year.
PM_ME_CUTE_BABY_PICS ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:41:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do you know how many bank accounts it would take to hold a trillion dollars? Investing all of it is going to be very difficult.
Jaivez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could buy a controlling interest in 5 of the top 10 US banks with a trillion. Like, all at once.
Esleeezy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
MacroHard - Trill Gates
RobotSnake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:41:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And also feed birds?
Araballin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:43:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could've already done it had you not spent it on buying Dildo Gift cards
fenean ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:44:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If this question had never been asked on reddit, that perfect pun wouldn't exist... what were the chances?
Not1ToSayAtoadaso ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:24:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But the second you spend a penny you won't be a Trillionaire anymore
combatwombat8D ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:08:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Grill Bates
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:25:32 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll call yah money for short.
flaystus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:26:40 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://m.soundcloud.com/ill-gates
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:40:13 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Marry me
Albino_Smurf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:12:00 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit next time I make a character in a new MMO this is my first choice
frinqe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:48:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Guess it's time to change my name to picket fence
kingeryck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would you.. Buy a gift card?
Anghel412 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like Dildo Giftcard better tho
drtrillphill ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:59:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey its me ur brother
aboutaweeekagooo ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:53:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/dabs
WastingMyLifeHere2 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 18:51:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Explain, please
TS_Music ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:59:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Trill - a combination of "true" and "real", originating in US Penitentiaries and later spreading into Hip Hop culture.
chowderkidney ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:29:23 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No
coleyboley25 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:55:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the best answer
Medium_Rare_Cancer ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:56:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
AHAHAHA
_ROEG ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:45:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
wow..
binmazid ยท 3996 points ยท Posted at 11:25:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start hiring bodyguards and attorneys.
JoeRoganResponds ยท 2059 points ยท Posted at 15:28:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're for sure gonna need some legit protection with that kind of dough. No doubt. Something beyond your basic karate or krav maga pussy shit. Pocket sand and a groin punch isn't gonna protect your trillion dollars, buddy. Sorry to tell ya!
[chuckles]
Oh! You know who'd I hire?
[coughs]
I would get ah, um... fuck, what's his name... The Mountain! Fucking Gregor Clegane from Game of Thrones! Holy shit, man. That guy has to be the strongest, scariest dude currently walking this planet, right? Brock Lesnar, too. Fuck... he's another big, scary bastard. That's kind of a tough call... because Brock has martial arts under his belt and he's a literal giant. Yeah, fuck, I think Brock is actually the right dude for that job.
[pulls mic closer]
More importantly, though, I would take all that money and somehow pay my way to get deep into some really secret-squirrel type of shit. I would want to know every hooker that's ever stepped foot in the white house and I'd demand to see the bodies of some aliens I'm sure our government has laying around fucking somewhere.
its_alaska ยท 618 points ยท Posted at 16:18:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At first I had no idea what was happening, then I read your username and reread everything in his voice. It was perfect lol
FaerieBelle ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 18:43:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This was my exact reaction lol
Reef718 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 19:39:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
EXACT!
Dat_Fellow ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:12:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
EXACT
HelloImRIGHT ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 17:13:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As a regular JRE listener. This is Pretty accurate.
Neghbour ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:39:48 on March 11, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Java Runtime Environment?
[deleted] ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 16:56:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
deleted What is this?
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:11:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's O N N I T
BraaainFud ยท 96 points ยท Posted at 15:54:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Secret-squirrel.....so your first order of business will be to meet Natasha and Boris?
Good call, man. Good call.
Gl33m ยท 42 points ยท Posted at 16:45:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you just mix up Atom Ant/2 Stupid Dogs with Rocky and Bullwinkle? Is this fucking amateur hour over here? What the fuck, man?
bobcat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:01:48 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you actually fail to mention Morocco Mole?
Gl33m ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:08:50 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He always mentions himself. No reason to.
halfdeadmoon ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 16:40:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's Rocky and Bullwinkle
madamz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:09:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wrong cartoon bruh
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 16:30:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you could make a Bill Burr or Louis CK one as well, my life will be complete
monsto ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:50:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He had a donald trump one about a year ago, then it just. . . disappeared.
What ever happened to that guy?
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:48:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a huge Joe Rogan fan, this shit is hilarious.
Hazkem ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:30:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This account has amazing potential.
nullpassword ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:05:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So that's where the criminal aliens are. In trump's cellar.
duaneap ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:23:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've always thought that the only advantage I can see to a Trump presidency is that if there are aliens, he for sure won't be able to keep that secret long.
TGOAT22 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:46:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have now read all of your comments thus far and you are on fucking POINT.
stoneipa500 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:54:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ahaha I love it! Mix in a little looks at Jamie out of the corner of his eye
miyagigo ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:27:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This guy gets it
BlackoutStout ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:52:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
10/10
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:14:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is amazing
freekarl38 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:47:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is absolutely incredible
OepinElenvir ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:08:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is amazing, what a great idea this account. Makes perfect sense when you read it in Rogan's voice.
wilu ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:49:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
woo
My_Big_Mouth ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:49:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
a mountain lion ate my dog
Eyesalot123 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:51:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So even aliens being held captive by the US government are getting more sex than me. Edit: typoo!
cmatute ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:03:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
shittt you're going places, son
Damn_Croissant ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:02:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gonna hire Joe Rogan to protect me and tell me jokes.
TGOAT22 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:43:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[hits blunt]
FireCratch61830 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:18:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is this actually from one of his podcast? So hard to tell haha
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:23:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just a heads up, he has a pomeranian called Asterix and he is his work out buddy. It's just as cute as it sounds.
Drac123 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:26:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You forgot "he's a motherfucker"
ripexz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:28:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have #378 on in the background right now, after first paragraph I was like, "sounds like Joe Rogan" :D
WolbachiaBurgers ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:29:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't diss the r/pocketsand
MrHattt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:26:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am so happy that this is a real account
Aoloach ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:54:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I started skimming the comment at first, and my eyes landed on "Brock" and I read some of the stuff around it and thought, "Yeah, that drying pan could probably do some damage."
MtrCycleDriveBy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:02:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This was art.
JackHoober ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:03:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is beautiful.
BillMurraysTesticle ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:10:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
0/10 answer didn't sidetrack to talking about chimps or some other animal.
I actually enjoyed that answer.
2legittoquit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:17:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The cough. Damn this is accurate. He probably would have called them gorillas somewhere in there. Jamie, pull that up.
UniversityDaniel ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:56:47 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit this is a great novelty account
ZiggoCiP ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:24:33 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You should make a sub to host this content. Good stuff IMO
InsideYoWife ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:57:07 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Those two guys are gym rats, sneaky athletic.
Ghouls_food ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:10:26 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
this is my favorite reply lmfaoooo I can just hear Joe say all that
Fumblerful- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:43:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
gimmeyourbelt
dubmcswaggins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:13:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude you were chewing in the mic and I could barely hear you, also tell Eddie Bravo and Bryan to shut the fuck up.
spockspeare ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:18:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Last paragraph is printed out and pinned to the cubicles in half a dozen billionaires' offices in Russia.
Galxctus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:31:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dale Gribble?
jeffafaa1237 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:33:13 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
brock lesnar will also do anything for money. he'd probably die for you if the paycheck was right.
ThatDadGamer ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 16:34:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, first rule is to not tell anyone you woke up and found a trillion dollars. If they don't know, it can't hurt. Though I suspect if you went to the bank and started depositing large amounts the government might look into you.
Mapler_on_Reddit ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 14:31:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol and just walk around with them
emaciated_pecan ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:37:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They have to dress up like agent Smith though
Prince-of-Ravens ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:41:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hell, for that money you can hire Hugo Weaving to act as head bodyguard.
PromptCritical725 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:21:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Boston Dynamics."
"Hi. You know all those jokes about how you're basically developing Terminators?"
"Yeah, we're aware."
"Build me a Terminator. Whatever it costs, I'll pay for it."
"Sir, we don't have the computing systems at our disposal for that level of sophistication."
"I've got Google on the other line. They're down for it."
"Would you like a standard model T-800?"
"Yes, but make the hyperalloy combat chassis gold plated."
"We'll start work on it as soon as we can verify payment. Thank you for choosing Boston Dynamics!"
DexiMachina ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:45:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hear you. I'd go about my business like normal until I had everything in place to be legally and physically protected and then just vanish. My family would probably try to kill me to get the money. No hyperbole, I straight up think they'd murder me.
remarkless ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:41:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Former boss is billionarie. Was in Brazil on rich-people vacation (small exclusive resort tucked in the Amazon). Weather conditions didn't permit helicopter ride to Rio, was driven instead. Someone from the resort tipped off someone else. Convoy ambushed, ex boss kidnapped. Held ransom. Kidnap insurance kicks in after 24 hours. Fucking ex-seal team six arrives 18 hours later. Extraction. One injury, no casualties. No ransom paid. Terrible 36 hours for him, but could have been worse.
syro23 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:50:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know a billionaire that has like no security. His attorney who was with him possibly doubled as a bodyguard though. The dude was menacing and quite large. The only other guy there with him was his accountant.
TheMightyKutKu ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:26:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start hiring your own private army.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:03:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No shit. First thing I'd do is pay off people to keep the news from getting out, or, alternately, try to send a bunch of it off immediately and publicize about my lack of access to it or how it's already in the hands of, say, The Nature Conservancy. "No use killing me now, boys. I'm plum broke." =P
teh_fizz ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:08:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's no need. You can pay any kidnapper 10 million as a ransom, and it would take you getting kidnapped 100,000 times before you're absolutely broke.
Polish_Potato ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 21:32:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But see, if you've got a trillion dollars, I don't think the kidnappers would be asking for millions...
teh_fizz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:41:01 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Right, because kidnappers are stupid, which is why you educate them on how they can improve their wealth!!
Katasch ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:15:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
... and escorts...
KJ6BWB ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:50:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One of my Bishops was the CEO of Huntsman Corporation. He had some crazy security in his house.
mokus603 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:29:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
By bodyguards, you mean an army. By attorneys, you mean ... um.. yeah.. attorneys.
Insectshelf3 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:58:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Literally hire all of blackwater to protect you (I think it's called something else now)
youknowitisanouther ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:45:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
FTFY
MauriceEscargot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:24:49 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I liked the idea from Sons of Anarchy, where there was a super rich gangster guy-turned businessman-butstill gangster. His security precaution? If he gets killed there's an automatic $5 million bounty on his killer's head and a squad of mercenaries eager to collect the paycheck.
nrodri09 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:22:23 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire special forces guys for bodyguards. You'll be in good hands
SalvioMassCalzoney ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:25:08 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Remember that picture of Jason Momoa towering over his bodyguards? Yeah I would hire Jason Momoa and his body guards.
llcooljessie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:16:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why not genetically engineer an army of bodyguard/attorneys?
Fiat_Tractor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:42:04 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm curious who you could hire in this type of situation. You'd literally need a small army. Contract with the GEO Group for security services maybe?
TheMightyGoatMan ยท 15206 points ยท Posted at 10:42:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep. Fuck everyone, I got a 1 trillion dollars.
intripletime ยท 6456 points ยท Posted at 12:53:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always have to pee right when I wake up in the morning. It's an awkward mental battle where I don't want to get up, but my bladder ends up winning out eventually. Even with a trillion dollars, homeboy still gotta drain the tank.
So I think I'd make my first purchase some sort of elaborate setup with the plumbing where I can just lean off the bed and pee into a tube, then go back to bed and resume being a warm toasty cinnamon bun.
If anyone thinks that's gross, then like you said, fuck them I got a trillion dollars.
EDIT: Yes I know catheters exist, I don't want to shove a tube up my urethra every night, you are probably number fifty to suggest it by now if you were going to do so. I'm also aware that bedpans exist, and Gatorade bottles. You have odd, odd assumptions about me.
tokkyuuressha ยท 1354 points ยท Posted at 13:51:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you'd actually have a bit less than trillion dollars after buying that
edit: i assumed he woke up with 1 trillion in bed. i have no interest in your bank accounts.
edit2: how about a stack of cheques
intripletime ยท 1121 points ยท Posted at 14:02:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd pay the bank to lie to me and call it an even trillion to my face.
Poem_for_your_sprog ยท 2807 points ยท Posted at 16:53:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'Good morning!' he said, with a laugh and a grin -
'It's just the cashier from your bank checking in!
Your balance is perfect,' he started to say -
'Precisely the same as it was yesterday!
'Your cash has been counted and sorted and stacked!
Your vaults have been tallied and totalled and packed!
Your money's a mountain, but maybe, what's more -
It makes the same number it made up before!
'So never you worry or fluster or fret -
We're here when you need us, and never forget -
We'll say what you say if you pay us,' he said.
I sighed with relief and I went back to bed.
West004 ยท 383 points ยท Posted at 17:10:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fresh sprog poem. May everyone be as lucky as I am to wake up to this
americonium ยท 89 points ยท Posted at 17:35:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd say that's almost worth a trillion dollars. Almost...
MolassesBoogaloo ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 17:44:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fifty minutes here... it's still warm!
chalkboardsky ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:50:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Like a toasty cinnamon bun!
KingGojira ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:56:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's getting kinda cool now... Still delicious though!
solidSC ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:40:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yaaaaay our own personal nickelback.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:17:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
lovesickremix ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:05:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's like two Dr suess characters fighting
honestFeedback ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:15:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Imagine waking up to a sprog poem AND a bedside pissing tube.
PectusExcavatumBlows ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 18:03:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I usually read your poems like a Dr. Suess poem because of the rhymes but this time I sang it like there were 6 bank tellers doing a dance routine and they never stopped smiling.
ReadsStuff ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 17:08:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's the magic of interest. You're never spending enough to keep up with the interest you're gaining on a trillion.
Hageshii01 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:30:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Even at .1% interest, that's still $1 billion a year. That's insanity.
ProfMcFarts ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:27:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's almost 3 million a day.
freemeth ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 17:08:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're honest to god my favorite part of Reddit.
CardsLafter ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:10:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And here I am, applauding with childlike enthusiasm!
BlueFalcon3725 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:28:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That bank is robbing you of SO MUCH money in interest.
DeanK769 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:29:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd pay this fucker to come around and make lovely little rhymes like this for me.
DoubleAntAndre ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:03:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love you
slayer1am ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:24:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wish I had your gift for writing.
lukasdragon ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:42:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That was amazing
SleepingXGhoul ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:49:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nice one bud
Ego_Sum_Morio ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:56:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
These are always wonderful. Such talent. Much awesome.
gramathy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:09:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Delightfully Seussian but needs more made-up words.
_Fudge_Judgement_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:38:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
...Peed with relief.
Georgiafrog ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:00:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And the young kangaroo in her pouch said,"me too!"
jekern ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:22:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like the federal reserve talking to politicians...
my_first_rodeo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:26:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You magnificent bastard
NicknameInCollege ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:49:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think the interesting takeaway here is that you're paying the bank.. for them to tell you that your balance is the same...
Why not just deposit that money, and then your money WILL be the same??
jjwinc68 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:11:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, does that mean someone is skimming off the top? I should have more money than I had before. I would think 1 trillion dollars would compound so much interest that the counter would spin faster than a pinwheel in the wind.
Cow_Launcher ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:57:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love you.
100011101011 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:26:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's beautiful. I can't believe you come up with this stuff within hours.
diamondKat31111 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:49:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I couldn't help but say that in a cheerful voice
classifiedspam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:04:00 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Trying to become a karma trillionaire? :D
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:25:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I dont think i like your poems anymore.
You're a creative person but i just... don't care.
pigi5 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:36:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then don't read them and move on.
Stevey854 ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 17:47:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can't believe people actually like these.
Poetry is bad enough when confined to paper, I don't need to see it when I'm procrastinating.
marpro15 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:56:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
what? why is poetry by definition bad? you should broaden your interests a bit it seems.
Stevey854 ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 18:01:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How would that in any way benefit me?
gramathy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:09:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Perspective?
Stevey854 ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 18:18:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd rather get that from some life experience mate.
marpro15 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you might find joy in places where you wouldn't think to look right now.
Stevey854 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:32:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or, more likely, I will waste a bunch of the finite time I have doing something that I despise for no gain.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I recommend getting off of Reddit entirely if your time is so precious.
Stevey854 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:22:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I enjoy Reddit. I do not enjoy poetry.
How are you too fucking sense to understand that?
Derpi_Cookie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:09:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Struggling in poetry class?
Stevey854 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:19:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It possible to struggle in poetry class? I'm just old enough to know I hate it and want nothing to do with it.
airplanehitchhiker ยท 76 points ยท Posted at 15:52:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just don't pull a Nicolas Cage and start buying islands like they're going out of style. Otherwise, that plan will work fine.
Siphyre ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 16:34:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Islands are actually pretty cheap.
AwesomeInc ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:29:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh look at Mr. Moneybags
tarzan322 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 16:44:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What's a few island's when your a trillionaire?
WeakPokemon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:51:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
when your a trillionaire what?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:40:14 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
More to the point, an island's what?
NiobiumGoat ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:56:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why do buy like it's going out of style?
Buy day and night like it's going out of style?
Everyday you buy like it's going out of style.
Keep on buying in the meantime
4-words-or-less ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:46:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He needed that island.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:06:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I never understood this expression. If something was going out of my style, why would one buy lots of them.
airplanehitchhiker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:17:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Um... shrug
I had to look it up, so here's the ELI5. You're right, though; it still doesn't make much sense.
FinelyPrinted ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:55:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
FWIW: I always thought that it referred to something perishable and consumable and that the person was buying as much as possible so they could enjoy it before they lost the chance to have it again. In a purely hypothetical example, someone who goes to McDonalds the day they stop selling Shamrock Shakes, and orders 10 of them, and eats them in one sitting, as they are a limited time item, but they will also melt. Secondary tidbit: 6 Shakes in, everything tastes like sadness.7 shakes and beyond is a no-mans land.
end_all_be_all ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:10:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well with global warming, mr.cage might be onto something
SSTATL ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:17:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then make a tequila company and call it the "Cuatro Commas"
ILikeBudLightLime ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:21:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not sure the interest on a trillion dollars, but i imagine your making a crazy amount of money per second. The intrest alone when you take a pee is more $ then I'd ever see
pmjm ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:50:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you assume an average savings account with 0.06% APR, that's $60 billion per year in interest on 1 trillion dollars, or a bit over $114K per minute. Assuming it takes you 30 seconds to pee, you're making an average American family's annual salary while you drain the lizard.
CHOGNOGGET ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:58:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And you'd make that money back on interest from them... My god you genius
rustyrebar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:07:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This service is available, but will cost you slightly less than 1 Trillion dollars, specifically the cost of some sort of elaborate setup with plumbing where you can just lean off the bed and pee into a tube less than 1 trillion dollars.
Grasshopper21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
your interest would be ridiculous. why pay the bank to tell you you have less?
kaenneth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:27:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Could you even keep up spending the daily interest?
oblivionapc ยท 427 points ยท Posted at 15:54:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you have $100 and spend a dollar, you have $99.
If you have a trillion dollars and spend a dollar, you still have a trillion dollars.
aethermonsters ยท 683 points ยท Posted at 16:18:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Only spend $1 at a time, unlimited money.
aureator ยท 361 points ยท Posted at 16:21:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/shittypersonalfinance
Crozax ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 17:06:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/prettygoodpersonalfinanceactually
Anti-Antidote ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:18:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/thatsnotathingsorry
larson627 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 17:29:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/thatsnotathingsorry
Neil_sm ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:55:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/thatsnotathingsorry
xSymbiont ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:03:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/waitasecond
OccamsMinigun ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:41:25 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How is any advice starting with "get a trillion dollars for no reason" good?
heybrother45 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:37:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/personalfinance
Obligatius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:09:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/shittyimaginaryfinance
RedWarrior0 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:46:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Assuming you have it invested, actually yes. You'll make way more than a dollar back in the time it takes to do a $1 transaction
ursrsly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:06:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well unless it was shitty investments.
VonGeisler ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:54:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It would have to be a real shitty investment...like betting against apple in the previous Quarter...
But on a serious note - just leaving it in the bank at 1% would be enough to live off of.
WrinklyScroteSack ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:35:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Even if I spent a million dollars at a time, I don't think I could think of enough things to waste all that money
Cybertronic72388 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:49:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The United States Government could...
Mmm military industrial complex... Oil subsidies, and pointless bailouts.
WrinklyScroteSack ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:55:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So I suppose I should declare myself a sovereign state and start raising a military and an industrial infrastructure.
winespring ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:10:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No you should not
WrinklyScroteSack ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:10:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But... 'merica did it...
silent_xfer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:34:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's funny that I agree with you, but the way you wrote this instantly makes me think you're a shit
Cybertronic72388 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:27:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not salty or anything, but care to explain why you feel that way? Genuinely curious.
silent_xfer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:31:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, I guess it just reads like something I would have written when I was a teenager. Hard to explain, but it's like, if you want to make jokes about these very-widely-discussed things, it'd help if they were less trite. I'd wager that comment is about the one billionth iteration of the exact same thing. I just appreciate some spice in my "DAE military industrial complex and the OIL INDUSTRY?"
Hope I didn't sound like a total dick, but hey, you did ask why ;)
Cybertronic72388 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:17:26 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, not at all. I appreciate the feedback. I will try to spice it up a bit from now on.
Have an upvote on me. ;)
DrSpacemanPants ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:11:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire people to put a blanket over the sun and a moon-sized top hat on the moon
Minecraft_Redstoning ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:27:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But then if you earn $1 at a time, you still have a trillion dollars
Brandon4466 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well with interest...
doodoomunkies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:18:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
$ menu
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:33:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No need. Assuming that you get some amount of interest from this you'll be set for generations. Even at a .01% annual rate of return you're going to be pulling in $100 million/year. And I assure you, you can get much better ROI than 1/100th of 1%. To vaguely quote a book I read once, when you're dealing with this much money you don't need to invest it with the intentions of generating wealth. Just the investments required to preserve the wealth would be enough to generate lifetimes of income.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:33:57 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/ShittyLifeProTips
Rimmoruud ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:35:27 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just coming in to say, that with today's interest payments, you would earn waaaay more than $1 a day in interrest. So you technically would have infinite money
Eshtan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:02:46 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
no, you'd run out after 1 trillion units of time.
130alexandert ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:28:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually, the interest rate for 1 trillion dollars means your getting 1 billion a year at 1% interest, so you get millions of dollars a day
MrRyyi ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:24:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Basic arithmetic tells me that your second statement isn't correct.
WrinklyScroteSack ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:35:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Based on percent, he's correct. 999,999,999,999 is closer to 1 trillion than 99 is to 100
beepbeepitsajeep ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:39:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
.999999999999 is mathematically closer to one than .99 so...I guess this checks out.
WrinklyScroteSack ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:40:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can always count on Reddit to double check my math.
beepbeepitsajeep ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:44:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you ever have a question, don't ask it on Reddit, you'll get ignored. Just say something wrong and you will have people crawling out of the woodwork to correct you with the facts.
Slope_Oak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:51:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah and $10 is still closer to a trillion than $0 but it's still wrong to say they're equal. If you have a person and chop off one of their fingers, you still have a person. If you have 6 eggs but drop one you don't still have 6 eggs. Counting isn't supposed to be ambiguous.
WrinklyScroteSack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:00:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kind of different contextual arguments don't you think? Also my argument was based on percentage. 99% is technically less than 99.9999999999%
One dollar out of 100 is much more missed than $1 in a trillion.
Slope_Oak ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:10:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No question. Of course it's close. And it's so close that you may as well round up. I round up my bank balance so I don't sound like a pauper all the time. But a little part of me knows I'm lying.
WrinklyScroteSack ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:11:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty sure once you cross the million dollar mark, most banks start just fuckin giving you money anyway. At the trillion dollar mark they probably give you banks. No need to round up.
ShaunDark ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:48:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With any positive interest rate it is :)
biggerx ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:38:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Based on daily interest accruing he's actually correct. That trillion will earn way more than a dollar a day.
slickricflair ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:41:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you are earning only 2% net annual interest (which is ridiculously low), a trillion dollar will earn you $634.20 per second or $54,794,520.55 a day. How can you even spend $54.79 millions a day? Even Michael Jackson didn't have that kind of spending habit.
Yggsdrazl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:31:58 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good luck finding a bank that'll give you a 2% interest rate on a trillion dollars.
azaleas_300 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:51:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This messed me up a little
Turtley13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:08:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No you'd have billions.
prodmerc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:18:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, you lose it all. Become a simple billionaire. No more Cuatro Comma club for you!
Unkleruckus86 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:19:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With interest on 1 trillion dollars your could spend far more than $1 and still have a trillion dollars.
JasonDJ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At 1.05% APY compounded daily, One Trillion dollars gains 10.5 Billion Dollars in interest per year.
That's sitting in savings. You'd lose more money to inflation than you could possibly spend, unless you decide you're going to buy a small country or two.
Lefthandedsock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:01:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually, you'd instantly become only a billionaire.
The horror.
Charm_City_Charlie ยท 193 points ยท Posted at 14:25:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With the interest that trillion would be earning, even conservatively you'd have to spend more than a couple thousand dollars a second for the balance to have a shot at going anywhere
Radix2309 ยท 168 points ยท Posted at 15:46:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Less than a trillion with taxes. The government is going to notice if you have more money than they do.
intripletime ยท 200 points ยท Posted at 15:49:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the IRS, problem solved. Buy anyone who complains about this too.
Radix2309 ยท 213 points ยท Posted at 16:13:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There are some people with integrity. Of course you could just buy a private army and secede from the US. I actually like this plan. Buy a bunch of property, invest in Switzerland or whatever, buy an army, and form your own nation-state. Spend a few years building infrastructure, and then apply to join the US as a State. With your low population you can be a swing state, and money poors in from lobbiests
TimtheBigDaddy ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 17:29:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
NationStates in real life.
Siphyre ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 16:35:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I could run this plan with just a billion. It would be a bit slower but I could own a state in 20 years.
Radix2309 ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 17:18:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My plan would be 20 years long. Spend the first few years building steady investments so you continue to receive steady income.
Then find some land on the west coast or something, and build a city from the ground up. Plan it properly and make it prosperous. Meanwhile keep building connections in the major governments and other big players. Then just wait for the right crisis, when the US government has low approval and declare independance. Feel free to bribe the US government, a dozen billion or so should do.
Personally I would use a system of government similar to Germany with myself as consitutiomal Monarch. It would not be hereditary, but with me appointing my succesor with Legislative approval. I would act purely as head of state, with Prime Minister serving as head of government. I just serve as the check for the government, making sure they follow the rules. If someone tries to gerrymand my country and supress my voters, I would hold them accountable.
Siphyre ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 17:26:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly I think this system of government would likely be the best. One person to step in when the legislative group starts failing in reason and when the judicial branch starts being stupid. Pretty much a hands off monarchy that holds absolute power with the monarch when needed. A careful choice of a non biological successor and it could go on forever barring natural disasters. Your citizens wont riot if they are taken care of.
Radix2309 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:37:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The biggest problem with hereditary succession is complacency and a sense of entitlement. What you want is someone with a strong sense of duty and integrity.
I would definitely not make myself absolute monarch, that is asking for trouble and would be unsustainable. I would basically be a glorified ethics office. I dont do anything except hold the others accountable. And get called "your majesty".
Siphyre ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:43:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Right. I would still want my children to be called princes and shit but the king is chosen by succession not birth. They would have a chance but they would have to pass morality tests and all that to even have that chance.
But I do believe absolute power would be needed lest there is a coup by the legislative branch. It could not be used often or you would be painted as a dictator but sometimes it would be needed.
Radix2309 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:01:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think it could work if you separated the Legislative branch from the Executive, but then the question is where does the Executive branch come from? I am leaning towards a more left-leaning liberal government, and the absolute power would be very hard to justify, especially when you essentially buy a coup. It is healthier in the long-term to have separation of power.
I should have absolute power over the Legislature, limited by public opinion and real-politik of course; but I shouldn't be running the country. I could influence the people who do, but there needs to be a check from me just running everything.
I think I would give the representatives noble titles as well. Elected Barons and Dukes and such. Barons are elected from local districts, Earls are proportional party lists or possibly regional representatives at the federal level, and Dukes are the heads of the districts/provinces.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:12:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
West coast is a horrible idea. The federal government owns most of the land, and they're not going to just let it go.
Your best bet would be to start buying up land in the Heartland (Dakotas, Montana, Wyoming), until you own the majority of those states. Start building up some investor relations in the PNW, and at that point you've got some of the best ranch/farm and energy producing land in the nation, a strong international port (Seattle), and a relatively secure border area (Canada to the north, friendly communities to the south). Start pushing secession with a nation comprising of the Heartland + PNW.
It would make a hell of a lot more sense than starting in California, as you'd be mostly self sufficient, and no one else would really care because they don't understand the implicit value in the Heartland states.
Siphyre ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:17:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The USA can keep that future island called california.
Cimexus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:40:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is pretty much the system of government in Canada, Australia, New Zealand, etc, other than the fact that the monarch is still hereditary. The head of government (the Prime Minister) is separate from the Head of State (the monarch, acting via their representative the Governor-General). It works very well, and since the monarch is completely apolitical, these countries have persisted with this system for a long time. The Queen still has certain reserve powers for exceptional circumstances, but these are rarely if ever used. Importantly, she's still ultimately accountable to Parliament and thus answerable to the people. If she started just dictating things randomly, a country like Australia for instance would just go "well, the monarch's powers are laid out in law (the Constitution), and we can change that law by going to a referendum, so let's hold a vote and get rid of her". The fact that the monarch knows that we can ditch them in such a way is precisely why there's no real risk of them abusing their power.
There are republican movements in these countries but they don't have majority support yet (Australia had a referendum to ditch the queen and become a republic in the late 90s, for instance, but it failed, largely because people didn't like the proposed replacement system).
michaelrulaz ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:33:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Too complicated. I'd just start a private military that US contracts with. After about a year of having access to military technology, ex soldiers, and the ability to buy fighter jets and such. I would gather all the militias in Texas along with a few key politicians and have Texas declare independence. Our first target would be all national guard bases and military bases. Then we move on to conquering Mexico.
Radix2309 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:34:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That could also work.
PectusExcavatumBlows ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:21:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The real game plan would be to give Scientology $200 million because they already have an army of lawyers and if you give that much you have a good chance of getting to Tom Cruise level. Pretty sure John Travolta can murder someone and they will deal with it. Not to mention the personal servants. But then you need to pretend to believe it all which may or may not be worth it.
Radix2309 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:50:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No way I am getting into bed with Scientology. With 500 million I could have a nation of my own lawyers. Too much danger of Scientology turning on me, besides the fact that it might keep me away from potential allies.
UncleNorman ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:07:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The low population means that you have a small army. If you rely on mercenaries for an army then your nation-state will be a nation state of mostly mercenaries. And the large countries will still airdrop 100,000 poorly trained soldiers on you because you're (fill in cause of the day here). But really because you have more money than them.
Radix2309 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:20:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You dont need an army except for optics, if actually comes to a war against the US or China you are probably losing. The important part is just getting them to leave you to your own business, and you give them presents.
UncleNorman ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 17:24:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ever hear the story of the goose that laid golden eggs? Unless that goose is a 500 foot tall reptile with nuclear breath, someone will cut it open to get all the eggs.
Jaredismyname ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:24:01 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is not how a naturally occuring stream of money works though you just have a dead goose.
neutronfish ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:51:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That was my plan, except with the rejoining the US part. Why would I? With that kind of money, you could literally buy Russia. You'd have enough to pay the heads of One Russia to go away forever, then rebuild the country with what you have left and its current tax receipts, diversify the economy, and create a wealthy nation state that would stand for something actually good.
Radix2309 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:54:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fair enough.
Joining the US in my mind lets you join the big cartel. You could probably buy out the remains of the KGB, but that seems like sleeping with a sleeping bear, it will eventually turn on you. I also want to build something that outlasts me. I probably wouldn't join the US, but it was an option.
neutronfish ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:57:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The FSB (aka the rebranded KGB) generally just does its work for the highest bidder. Treat people well, pay them on time, and they won't turn on you. If you've gutted and rebuilt a nation that controls one sixth of all land on the planet, even if much of its is frozen wilderness, you can call the US and say "hey, can we be friends?" and have them take the request for a partnership very seriously.
Radix2309 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It could definitely work. The most important thing would be slowly dismantling the FSB and removing them as a threat. That can wait for 30 years though, the more important part is education reform and economic stimulus. This will let you raise a generation who can be loyal and combat the old guard.
OnlyOne_X_Chromosome ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:59:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yea because all it takes to secede is money. California is now what the 6th largest economy in the world? and if it didn't have to pay federal taxes it would be the 3rd?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:10:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thats a good way to get a milkshake from the CIA.
Alaricus100 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:31:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or just form a city or town state.
scientist_tz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There was a gigantic swath of Texas for sale a few years ago in the form of a ranch. I wonder if it's still for sale. The price was like 280 million which is chump change for a trillionaire.
pyroSeven ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:05:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why do you want to be a state under a federal government when you can have a country and BE the government?
Radix2309 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:21:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I probably dont. Its just an option.
69ingSquirrels ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:48:30 on March 11, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have integrity. But I don't have a trillion fucking dollars worth of integrity.
BtDB ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:34:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty sure with that amount of money you can come to an arrangement exempting you from the necessity of taxes if you finance something in return. Either the IRS and yourself finance a literal team assigned to just keeping track of your finances or you come to an agreement and cut through the bullshit quid pro quo. "I pay no taxes if I donate/finance X amount of dollars."
Either that or you can literally afford to have a team to find tax loop holes all day or just offshore your assets and you pay nothing anyway.
pm_favorite_song_2me ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:55:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Too late, Koch brothers already bought it all
KJ6BWB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:39:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's going to take more than a trillion dollars. Going rate to buy an average politician seems to vary from "tens of thousands" to "a few million" but to buy the IRS and... wait, I figured it out.
You don't need to buy the IRS. Just give a few billion to your friend Vladimir (Putin) and your friend Donald (Trump) and get appointed to head the IRS. Then you just order your agents to not audit you.
It's kind of like what Donald Trump is doing with the Trump hotel in DC. See, the hotel doesn't own the land that it's on -- it's leasing it. The government owns that land. And the terms of the lease say that a government official can't own the company/building that's leasing the property. But Trump is the head of the executive branch, who's responsible for managing things like that and of course he's not ok with kicking himself off his own lease, so that particular clause won't get enforced while he's in office. Then once he leaves office he won't be a government official anymore so won't be in violation of that particular rule anymore.
DrVendetta ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:04:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think you are overestimating a trillion dollars. US debit is roughly 20 trillion.
redneck_asshole ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:11:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everybody has more money than at least the U.S. government. Someone a trillion dollars in debt has more money than the government.
Radix2309 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:30:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Debt is different than cash available, besides debt means little to the people who print money.
redneck_asshole ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:24:50 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Unfortunetly china doesn't care how much money we print, they don't accept US dollars as payment.
Radix2309 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:59:14 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What? How is that even relevant?
redneck_asshole ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:41:11 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's who the majority of our debt is to. No mater how much money we print, we still owe the Chinese the same amount of yen or whatever.
Radix2309 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:48:33 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The majority of your debt is to American citizens. China only holds 8%, Japan hold more. And that is not China as in the government, a lot of it is citizens.
The US also holds a higher amount of China's debt.
colonelcanada ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:41:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We all have way more than the government anyway
MysteriousGuardian17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:06:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
US GDP is roughly 20 trillion
Radix2309 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:20:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GDP is not what the US government has, that is what everyone in the US has.
Obligatius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:13:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's not it at all, actually. GDP has nothing to do with existing wealth - it's simply a measure of the total economic activity (individual, corporate, governmental, etc) within a year.
Radix2309 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:17:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Correct, I simplified it a bit too much.
Akitz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The US government is not the US.
designer_of_drugs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
when you have more money than the government, you are the government.
slickricflair ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:43:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Last I checked, the US government is in debt for $20 trillion..... I think every single person that ever existed has more money than the US Government.
Radix2309 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Being in debt doesn't mean you have less money. If I go into debt for 1 million. I have 1 million dollars and a debt for 1 million, I don't have 0.
onacloverifalive ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:10:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The premise is not that you earned a trillion and taxes were withheld but that you have it in your possession. First thing to do is drop $500,000+ on Bahamian real estate. That is the cutoff that automatically qualifies you for citizenship in a country with no income tax. Invest all you want after that, move to a beach with a private airstrip an basic infrastructure and live off untaxed income. Buy your own island if you want and charge cool people obscene amounts to come and hang out with you a la Richard Branson.
indecisionmaker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:16:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I 100% would pay taxes on the money. It's not going to make a dent and you'd be helping out the country.
NTRedmage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:32:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So long as you don't go nuts with it at first or do something incredibly stupid like put it ALL in a bank immediately they will be none the wiser.
Camoral ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:36:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the yearly tax revenue for the US was in the neighborhood of $1.2 trillion?
Radix2309 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:41:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably trues, but it is spread out over lots of stuff.
Also exaggeration for effect.
Cypher_Blue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:48:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At 1% interest my math says a hair over $317 per second.
shinigami052 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:42:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At 1% APY on $1,000,000,000,000 you'd be making about $19,000/sec.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:43:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It would be interesting, however, to examine what would happen to interest rates when 1 trillion dollars in liquid currency in the possession of one person.
[deleted] ยท 151 points ยท Posted at 14:21:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
tokkyuuressha ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 16:01:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
he woke up with a trillion dollars, i assume its in his bed, not on account
linguotgr ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 16:47:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not sure any bed could hold a trillion dollars. That's at minimum 10 billion bills. Each bill weighs one gram, 454 grams in a pound, 2000 pounds in a ton... that's 11,000 tons of money.
If that's in bed with you, you are likely going to be crushed.
tokkyuuressha ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 16:48:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
thats my fetish
linguotgr ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 16:56:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Federal Reserve claims that there is 1.47 trillion real, physical dollars in the world.
If your fetish is to be crushed by 2/3 of the earths supply of US currency, I suggest getting a REALLY well paid job.
bigev007 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:25:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Work at the Fed?
linguotgr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:31:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nope, but I used to work for a bank, and have a finance degree, so this kinda thing was something we kinda payed attention to. I don't work there anymore, but I still read the reports and such since it's still interesting to me.
bigev007 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol. I meant that if you want to be crushed by 2/3rds of the money supply it might be easier to work where the money comes from (I know, it's actually the Bureau of Engraving and Printing) than to try and earn that much.
linguotgr ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:25:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ooohhh... sometimes I'm an idiot.
Cimexus ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:33:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This seems a lot easier in metric if each bill is a gram.
A tonne (metric ton) is a million grams (technically a megagram, but nobody says that). 10 billion bills divided by 1 million is 10,000 tonnes.
(This passes my rough 'does this make sense' check too, since I'm vaguely aware that a US ton is similar in weight to a regular tonne and you got 11,000 compared to my 10,000).
LiteralPhilosopher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:02:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly right - a metric tonne is 2205 US pounds; our ton is 2000. So 10,000 of yours is 11,000 of ours.
F2187 ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 16:05:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sure, but by the time he sets up the plumbing he will have had plenty of time to invest the majority of it.
arudnoh ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:16:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And probably destabilize the shit out of some things. I don't know money, but I know it's happened before.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:03:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The government would be fucking pissed at you if a trillion dollars in cash appeared on your property. They come in and start asking some serious questions about where it came from. How DID you get a trillion dollars, OP?
arudnoh ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:24:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Psh. Just launder it with a fuck ton of gumball machines, wishing wells, and nail salons. Duh.
lurkerpie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:04:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Won a LOT of lotteries at once. Now you're being interrogated about the future, prophecies and time travel.
Decaf_Engineer ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 16:50:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
$1Trillion dollars is such a ridiculous amount of cash. If it was all in crisp $100 bills, and your house had 2,000 sq-ft of living space, it would have to have a 180 foot high ceilings to hold it all.
LoyalStork ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:22:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What if we include the shed?
Decaf_Engineer ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:33:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was bored again.
If you were to spread that gigantic stack of cash evenly across a football field including the endzones, the stack would be roughly the same height as an average football player: 6'3"
corobo ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:43:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit
I wasn't picturing it well until this. That is a damn lot of cheddar
LoyalStork ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:42:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If we put it all in a wallet, how many yards of denim would we need for a custom back pocket on my jorts?
Simplexis ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:51:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd end up just being crushed to death, my room is not that large.
LiteralPhilosopher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:10:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nobody's room is that large ... it would fill an area 75m * 75m to a depth of 2m.
Simplexis ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:21:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah man, that what I'm saying. These genies have loop holes to never give you what you want.
dogfan20 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:09:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That much money would suffocate you and maybe destroy your house.
ConstableBlimeyChips ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Talk about an offer he can't refuse.
TheSurgeonGeneral ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:28:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What a stupid monetary system. lol
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:22:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Precisely 1 trillion - 1 catheter.
sciencebasedlife ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:34:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In the time it took to make the decision he'd earn more than the cost in interest.
CountCuntila ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:40:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Let's say the bedside toilet cost 20k, with the insane interesting on a trillion dollars...
Sunfried ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:15:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A trillion dollars would crush any reasonable bed. If you had $1T in hundred-dollar bills (10 million of them), the weight would be on the order of 10 tons of bills.
Terpapps ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:25:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not if he patented and sold this bedside-piss-machine.
Paradigm_Pizza ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:36:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1 Trillion in your bed would smoosh you flat :| I'd rather wake up with 1 Trillion in the damn bank :P
iMikey30 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You can put a trillion in savings account and make millions on interests...
Genuinely_Retarded ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Interest on a trillion dollars would be more than enough to have this plumbing installed.
Orcapa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eh, the interest would mean he'd have more than $1 trillion, unless he spent the shit out of that money.
PonyToast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:27:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They must be Souvenir Checks
samixon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Assuming he has this money stored properly, he would probably make all he needed on the first days interest
Traherne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:24:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not enough room in bed for both him and the money.
aquanext ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:37:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually, depending on the cost of that stuff you bought, wouldn't a day of interest on a trillion dollars amount to something pretty noteworthy? In other words, after a certain point, won't your ability to spend be a bottleneck towards diminishing the cash in your account?
Isord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:41:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think most savings accounts have like .1% interest. so you would actually get like a hundred million dollars a year even in a savings account.
I'm sure you couldn't actually just store a trillion dollars in a single savings account and expect that to work, but you get the point.
blatheringbard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:00:44 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
$15? That's all that's left?
Mahcks ยท 214 points ยท Posted at 13:38:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're about to buy the most expensive, vibrating, inclining, doubled-up California king sized bed anyway. Go ahead and piss the bed.
unknown_human ยท 163 points ยท Posted at 14:26:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Trillion dollar idea: DIY waterbed.
[deleted] ยท 45 points ยท Posted at 14:51:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The waterbed that gets more comfortable the more you use it!
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 17:02:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
annoyedatmakingthrow ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:01:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Imagine if it popped though...
SArham ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:05:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eco friendly heat generation
HughJorgens ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:22:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Here is mine: Mattress floors. "Yes, my floor is strange. It's a mattress. Where do I sleep you say? Wherever the pillows are, over there tonight, I guess, unless they get moved."
PointyOintment ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:40:52 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But floors get dirty.
HughJorgens ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:48:19 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's Non-Trillionaire talk. I would put a waterproof layer below, and change the top cushion weekly.
Jainith ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:34:40 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Only if you go outside...or let some dirty peasant inside to serve you without a thorough cleaning.
CrystalElyse ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 15:01:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
California kings are actually narrower than a regular king, so less room for you and your partner (or just yourself). The advantage of them is that they're LONGER so they're good for tall people.
chipmunk7000 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:27:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why don't they make a king that's normal width and longer? Why are we not funding this?
CrystalElyse ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:35:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have no idea and I agree.
MintClassic ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:52:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's all politics, man.
chipmunk7000 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:18:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damn it, Big Mattress strikes again
Edit: Not-so-Big Mattress? I don't know at this point
AltimaNEO ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:13:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They can call it California King Twin?
beepbeepitsajeep ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:41:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah but I got a trillion dollars so I'm turning a large room into my bedroom with a custom mattress whatever size I want. From the finest custom mattress makers, whoever they might be. If they don't exist then I guess I'll start the company.
Vigilante17 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:11:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Long live the Cal King! Wife wanted a queen, convinced her to get a Cal King, I think it is one of the few things she says I was right to change her mind about.
Mahcks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:29:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I knew about the longer part, not the narrower. TIL
wranglingmonkies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:23:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a trillion dollars, my king is the same length as a cal king and same width as a regular king.
intripletime ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:51:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe the first time just because fuck it. Beyond that, give me the BedTube Urinal Tron 2000.
Mahcks ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:19:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lol I could hire an R&D team, or I could use one of these. Alternatively, Mattress Firm has same day delivery. I'll just donate my soiled mattresses for a tax write off because I'm sure that'll come in handy as a trillionaire.
nucumber ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:03:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you could do that every day.
sixpackshaker ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:26:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donald?
Brattain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm going with the Alaska king.
pinkShirtBlueJeans ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:50:25 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Piss the bed every night, and have a new one delivered daily.
BlueHighwindz ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:49:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My bathroom is all the way past the kitchen and through the hallway. It's always an intense battle to see if I want to put on underwear in the middle of the night or if I'm just gonna pee out my window.
Someday the window will win.
intripletime ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:52:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Solution is to sleep standing up with your wiener hanging out the window. Just pee when necessary.
gratefulyme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:30:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yea but then you get used to that, go stay with the in laws, wet the bed, it's a whole thing...
Malandirix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:56:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, it may sound weird but use a bottle or something. Stops you from disturbing your sleep so much.
thepensivepoet ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:37:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With a trillion dollars you could just pee off the side of your bed every day and just buy a new house to replace it.
Every day.
For the rest of your life.
And you wouldn't even put a dent into your fortune.
EDIT : I did the math. If you assume a modest home price of $200,000 you could buy a new home every single day for 13,698 YEARS with a trillion dollars.
TLSG ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:38:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You don't need a trillion dollars to pee into a tube, man.
xanatos451 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:48:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Clearly you've got a better health insurance deductable than I do then.
Inc88 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:15:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With a trillion dollars id just piss the bed then order a new one + new sheets everyday then spend money on the best shower/tub setup to wash off the rich piss boy shame.
_minthe ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:18:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have the same problem except for shits and when I want to go back to sleep I feel like I'm lying down in my own shit. Don't know how I'd feel literally shitting inside my bed tho
http_401 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:32:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just hire some hot girl (or guy, whatever you like) into whose mouth you can piss every morning right there in bed. For extra credit let it segue into a blowie.
TooMad ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:16:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then you fart and the floodgates open.
FruitbatNT ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:54:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You'll be in good company. The architect Victor Horta had a fold-out urinal next to his bed.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:24:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you make a female version I will buy it.
cmonpplrly ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:26:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would just piss, have a supermodel bring me to my luxury bathtub and give me a spongebath, get a new mattress delivered and have someone else make the bed with brand new everything, before I was done getting said spongebath.
StonerChef ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:30:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I had a trillion dollars, going to my toilet would be an experience I'd happily get out of bed for.
Id sit on my Giant panda skull bog-throne while high class hookers, dusted head to toe in cocaine, gargled and dripped champagne out of their mouths for a soothing water noise to get things started. Morgan freeman would personally narrate the labels of my shampoo bottles as I browse reddit on a gold plated iPad with maximum ass-fuckingly expensive memory options. A round of applause from the members of Coldplay when I complete my piss then I'll wipe my dick on the curtains because . . fuck you I'm rich is why.
cdclare1989 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:42:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Has anyone suggested a Texas Catheter? (I'm too lazy to read 50+ replies). It's basically a condom with a tube and a drainage bag. You can afford one without a trillion dollars. Plenty of hundredaires have them.
intripletime ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:45:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not interested in the inevitable involuntary celibacy that would come with it.
cdclare1989 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:02:45 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you have a trillion dollars, you would only have to worry about putting on the one condom. Hell, you could pay one person to put it on for you after you were done having sex, or have an AI robot built to put it on for you. Hell, with a trillion dollars you could have a bed with sheets engineered to handle being peed in while still staying dry and clean.
SlicedNugget ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:28:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would just the piss. I can buy another.
intripletime ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:46:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd feel weird telling a girl "I'm gonna piss the bed in the morning, get used to it" even if I was rich. If she's the most understanding woman in the world, it'd still feel very infantile and embarrassing. Some things money can't buy.
Tsukubasteve ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:15:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like your idea, but try and incorporate an actual cinnamon bun into the mix. I skipped breakfast.
MyDiaperedSecret ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:46:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or, you could just wear diapers to bed!
A_Filthy_Mind ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:37:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At that point, you could hire someone to be your pee collector. No need to limit it to the morning bed dilemma, just have someone follow you around with a tube and container.
lanceTHEkotara ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:51:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me of the askreddit thread about the kid who would just roll on his side and pee on the carpet instead of getting up...
7echArtist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:11:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You would be a god if you could make this an affordable reality.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:13:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just piss the bed and have poor people clean it up. Then have them burn the mattress in a school. You need to start thinking like you are uber rich.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:41:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bruh, I could set you up with that for a couple hundred dollars max.
intripletime ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:45:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, I think you're right, I could probably rig this up at some point in my lifetime if I had a good "tube guy".
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hmm, if only there were a word for people that specialize in tubes to carry liquid and waste.
intripletime ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:53:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm gonna go with "tube guy".
TOO_DAMN_FAT ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:38:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just want to tell you that I'm NOT suggesting a catheter. That seems gross.
SayceGards ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:02:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We can just put in a Foley if you want
intripletime ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:08:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Technically you could, but there really isn't an earthly sum of money that would make me want to shove a tube up my urethra.
briannasaurusrex92 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:01:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There are also condom catheters!
st4n13l ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:14:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You don't need a elaborate setup for this. Put a pan next to the bed, roll over, pee, sleep.
That million dollar device has now been replaced by a $10 Wal-Mart pot.
intripletime ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:48:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, but I have a trillion dollars. Why would I not want some high tech tube system that automatically flushes, deodorizes the surrounding air, and thanks me for my contribution?
st4n13l ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:53:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't know that it actually said "Thank You" once you peed into it. That's totally different. I'd pay a million bucks for someone to say Thank You as I peed on them.
wispcurl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:31:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It doesn't need to be elaborate or expensive. You have a few choices: Catheter, chamber pot, piss bottle.
Edit: Or diaper
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:01:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
redarxx ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:23:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you get your dick sucked and get to pee at the same time? sign me the fuck up
wispcurl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:40:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This didn't even cross my mind until now. I've obviously not been on reddit long enough.
intripletime ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:43:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, with practically unlimited cash I'd probably rather pay for something both reasonably discreet and very sophisticated. I'm imagining a sort of "tube urinal" that would be connected to the plumbing, able to flush, and completely hidden when not in use. Maybe with an embedded air freshener so there's no smell.
To be honest, I wish I had that now, even without the trillion.
wispcurl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:09:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could always have a toilet built in your bedroom like in that thread
Doughblaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:59:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two words. Sneaky. Leaker. Look it up.
BlackjackCF ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:11:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hell, you're a trillionaire. You could piss your bed and have someone come change it all for you and resume sleeping.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:14:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got two words for you bud. "Thunder jug"
naryn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:19:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You've basically said you want a catheter.
Lebrancard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:32:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd rather just soily bed and have servants roll me onto a new matress while I'm about to continue my beauty sleep, since I'll finally be beautiful because, you know, money.
weelenny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:36:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't drink water before bed
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:37:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's called a chamberpot.
Feebedel324 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:43:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You got a trillion dollars you can get a catheter put in and won't have to worry about it.
monsto ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:47:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's called a catheter.
maggos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:58:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just insert a catheter every night before bed. Boom
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:13:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just piss the bed, you have a trillion dollars. Fuck it.
OftenSoConfused ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:17:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i just piss in a solo cup and toss it out my window like any good college freshman should do
17954699 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They have those in hospitals.
BtDB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:23:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I bet Bill Gates has this technology already. Somebody ask him on his next AMA.
BAHHROO ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:30:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So like a bed pan?
fatelaking ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:30:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At least that first time you could just pee in the bed because you're going to move anyway.
OPs_other_username ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:34:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd just pay someone to drink my piss so I wouldn't have to move.
I just realized I'd be a terrible person with 1 trillion dollars.
I mean I'm a terrible person now, but I hide parts of it so I can be employed. No need for money, no need to hide the terribleness.
beepbeepitsajeep ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:37:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's called a catheter.
wowwhat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:38:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Let me tell you about the age old tradition of piss jugs..
ThrivingDiabetic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:41:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck it, if I woke up even a MILLIONaire tomorrow I'd just pee in bed, roll over and go back to sleep.
Not daily, mind you, but mostly as an egregious way to celebrate being a millionaire.
FlexGunship ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're doing it wrong. Wake up. Piss the bed. I forgot that next part, but whatever... You're rich.
FanOfLemons ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:45:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't get up, just pee off the bed onto the floor.
You just got a trillon dollars, time to move.
scw55 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:48:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And then 30 minutes after you peed, the poop decides to say good morning.
annoyedatmakingthrow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We had people on deployment that just pissed in old gatorade bottles. Much cheaper than the elaborate plumbing and still effective. Also pretty gross maybe grosser than your idea.
Not_Kenny_Rogers_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Water bottle - 99ยข Oil funnel - $2.99 Being able to lean off your bod and pee into the funnel into a water bottle then have someone come clean it up - priceless
Roarlord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:54:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck that. I woke up with a trillion dollars. I'm getting up to go pee. In fact, I'm gonna go piss in my yard. I'll piss in my neighbor's yard; it's mine now. I'll piss all over the fucking neighborhood! I can afford to. Once everything has been claimed via piss-staking, I'll crawl back into my warm, toasty bed.
chux4w ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:56:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's harder than it sounds. There's some kind of mental block that will make it take longer to pee while lying in bed than to just get up and do it the old fashioned way.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:58:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So....a catheter?
fgejoiwnfgewijkobnew ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:59:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get a catheter.
PM_ME_UR_BIRYANI ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:07:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man, you so wise.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or you could buy this for less than a Dollar today ! https://www.healthykin.com//p-1429-male-portable-urinal-with-cover.aspx?gclid=CIq0zPmBytICFYhqfgodIRwDVA
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:25:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd piss the bed and buy a new one.
Every day.
ImmodestPolitician ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:29:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
PRO-TIP: Just pee on the mattress. With a trillion dollars you can buy one of the Purple Mattress pads that would protect your mattress and hire 2 french maids to clean up.
KJ6BWB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:34:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2.5'-long 1"-diameter clear plastic tube from Lowes/Home Depot. An empty mayonnaise jar, a drill to cut a hole in the lid, and some duck tape. Problem solved? I've only thought about this for like 20 seconds and I think you could solve your problem for less than $10. Either that or train yourself to go use the toilet when you wake up. :)
Hokehs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just pee the bed and have 10/10 models wash you while someone gets you a new bed. You're rich as Fuck, don't over think it.
MagicDeceiver ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or just pee in ur bed and get a new house for tomorrow. :)
aedroogo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just piss yourself. You make the rules now, man.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:19:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They make a condom with a drain tube attached as a non-invasive catheter. Probably 20 bucks max, I've never bought one. TIL I'm still cheap with 1T dollars.
carriegood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:36:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As someone who frequently has to do 24-hour urine collections, the people who suggest bedpans and Gatorade bottles are wrong. You want a collector like a funnel or portable urinal, attached to a tube that carries the urine away via plumbing. You do not want that shit to sit around until someone comes to take it away. And I'd rather pay a plumber $5,000 once to hook that up than pay a servant $20,000/year to come take my pee.
intripletime ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:39:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you. Christ, everyone is just saying "dude just pee into a receptacle". That would be gross. Toilets exist. Why wouldn't I make a toilet setup?
PhlyingHigh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could always just pee in your bed every morning and have a mattress company deliver you a new one every day.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You can induce kidney failure and be on dialysis. You'll never have to pee again!
gottapaythetrolltol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:45:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd just pee the bed everyday and have my butler replace the mattress daily.
Franklin2543 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seems like you should just move somewhere warmer. Not like you couldn't afford to.
swaite ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude. Yes.
Werewolf978 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just piss the bed, but a new bed, sheets, fuck buy a new house... who gives a shit...
Redstar81 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I call it the 'bed hole'. Basically it's just a soft trap door in the mattress connected to plumbing and it's large enough to accommodate morning wood. Yes I've thought about this plenty.
intripletime ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:01:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There would be some obvious logistical issues, but no I understand the appeal of thinking this out.
yousyveshughs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:01:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Piss jugs
thezionview ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:03:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just appoint a person who will hold it and get the job done while you lie in bed, have a button in your bed to call him/her in for the job. People don't really think simple solutions anymore.
beatsdropheavy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:04:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i would just piss out the side of the bed. im a trillionaire i can just buy a new house, fuck the old one who cares if it gets pissed on
battlefranky69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You gotta do it mouse trap (board game) style. If you are already going to do it. Might as well have some fun with it.
Dent18 ยท 464 points ยท Posted at 14:26:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly I'd be so excited I'd actually want to wake up; for the first time ever
Hell I'd probably buy some meth just to make sure I get everything I need to done
Kermit-Batman ยท 247 points ยท Posted at 15:38:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You ok mate?
High_Guardian ยท 313 points ยท Posted at 16:36:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He's fine, just needs more meth is all.
_Fudge_Judgement_ ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 17:42:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, we've all been there.
Zachariaz69 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:16:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That one cracked me up good. Im a bad person right
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:59:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yes
VioHzrd ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:15:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Relevant username.
BLjG ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:59:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gotta have his chill meth in the morning.
Qaeta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:12:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can confirm, also don't want to wake up, also feel like more meth would help.
beatles910 ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 17:45:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You don't need meth.
With a trillion dollars, coke is now doable.
Menism ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:53:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe he wants to stay rich
savemesomeporn ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 19:23:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah but meth is waaaaaay better than coke, so he definitely made the right choice lol.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:15:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Meth? Just buy some fucking employees to get all that shit done. So you can just do meth and jerk off for hours like most tweakers do.
Calamius ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:39:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Annnnnnd you poor.
TGOAT22 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:40:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aderall is cheaper and less consequential. Still gives similar results.
ppp475 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:11:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mostly because the active ingredient in adderal is a type of methamphetamine.
TGOAT22 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:27:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's a type of amphetamine. Not a type of methamphetamine.
ppp475 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:30:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The adderall pills I take for ADD say on the bottle "Methamphetamine", so either I'm reading it wrong or I misunderstood what it says.
TGOAT22 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:09:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It probably says "amphetamine salts" because that's exactly what mine says as well.
sjuskebabb ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:32:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is a perfect example of why lotto winners so often end up poor again after a little while.
karmagirl314 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:24:28 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're rich now, you can afford cocaine.
mama37 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:19:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you mean 'mAth'?
GFor1015 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Crack*
poochyenarulez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:55:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
get a pet. Nothing like waking up to someone super eager to see you.
Kingofwhereigo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:37:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why not go for the full Charlie Sheen and add some hookers?
O-shi ยท 77 points ยท Posted at 11:33:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me too, definitely wouldn't need to get up for the daily job search.
[deleted] ยท 67 points ยท Posted at 12:16:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck it. Buy a company and hire yourself mister CEO
brodiemann ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 14:04:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well... CEO. We would just say CEO
joaopvm ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 15:45:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But you just said...
exslash ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:19:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It doesn't matter who.
PharahIsBae ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:03:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just for that its "Doctor Mister CEO" to you.
Green-Brown-N-Tan ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:10:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Mr. CEO, esquire.
SwearWordInUsername ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:13:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And then fire yourself for having poor judgement on taking in new hires.
TimtheBigDaddy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:40:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck that, make yourself the chairman of the board.
Splodgerydoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:15:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Apple and Microsoft and merge them
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:49:16 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Applesoft crumble.
jamie2234 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:29:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
me_irl :'(
NaG_CSGO ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:57:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good answer.
TheAsianMelon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:50:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the correct answer.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:07:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It would be the deepest, soundest, most stress free noon sleep-in ever.
bozokeating ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:34:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep. Fuck everyone. I got a 1 trillion dollars.
loi044 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:16:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You can afford to do anything (or anyone) and you chose sleep?
NikkiNakka ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me. Fuck this school business I've got a trillion dollars!
TheShawnP ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:11:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
every thread
Zilzza ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My man!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:44:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same but I'd book a flight to somewhere I wanna travel to at night after I've finished purchasing my personal jet and hiring a private pilot.
SneakerCranium ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep, in a sea of 4 trillion quarters.
starking12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:48:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd only fuck hot girls. But to each his own.
lammers2006 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:56:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly what I was gonna say. I mean I just got a cool, easy tril, I don't really need to go into work in the morning.
unclecharliemt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
nah, it's just a bad dream!
kroesreddit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's a lot of people you need to fuck
quirm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Comment.ai seems to agree with you
Caddy666 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Even pre 2006 Zimbabwean dollars?
Pmar07 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:29:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Best response.
TurboMP ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:46:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My thought exactly. I'd go lay down for a nap right now. Work can wait.
In all reality though, I'd probably just pay off my modest house, buy a fun, modest sporty car (nothing too flashy), throw the rest in savings and just live for generations off the interest alone. Keep the money a secret so you don't get those cousins 3rd removed that suddenly want to be best friends.
Maybe go to the bank every Christmas and pay off the house of someone the tellers think needs the help and deserves the gesture, idk.
fessmm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:02:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahahahhahahahahahhahahahaha
TheToug ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:44:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the right answer. Sleep is where it's at. Not a matter of sleeping on stacks of money or any of that noise. Just sleep. Deal with all this money tomorrow.
xYike ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:20:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol well said, exactly my thoughts.
throwaway09563 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:45:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the right answer. Not a fucking thing for as long as I like.
Trevorisabox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:13:59 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got a trillion dollars. Fuck everyone. Go back to sleep.
Devanismyname ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:46:40 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd wake up and win the day. Imagine how amazing that day would be.
ssfgrgawer ยท 4091 points ยท Posted at 11:00:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not go to work for a start.
Get my passport.
see the world.
get one of them super badass chocolate thickshakes from that underground chinese food court in sydney. Those are so damn good.
Edit: holy shit, this got far more popular than id expected. For those that are asking I am refering to the Dixon Street Food court Its a little underground food court, Not far from Paddys markets. Its a great little food court, I always try to visit every time I go to Sydney. as for the shop name itself I'm afraid I cant actually help you there, As I don't actually remember the name of the place Just the location (Ive been there twice in my entire life, Once each time ive visited Sydney in the last two years)
Edit 2:
Enter via the corner of Dixon Street and little Hay Street, and its right on your immediate right as you get down the stairs. Cant remember the name but thats its exact location.
thesunscreen ยท 1375 points ยท Posted at 11:24:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's private 777 money. You could have a flying apartment to take around the world.
And a franchise of those underground yak butter milkshake stores, including one in your plane.
ssfgrgawer ยท 4865 points ยท Posted at 11:26:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am a man of simple wants. Currently i wants a milkshake. I dont want a plane.
alittlesadnow ยท 282 points ยท Posted at 15:44:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I want a chocolate one who has plain milkshakes anyway
Dont_stop_smiling ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 15:57:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could buy 1 trillion thickshakes from the Mcdonalds dollar menu.
jamesvdant ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 17:47:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yea but they come with those weak straws that flatten out when you try to get any milkshake through them. They really oughta just serve them with a spoon
DJDarren ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:57:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, you fuckers with your milkshake chat. I'm broke as fuck and on a diet, but now I have an overwhelming desire for a McD's chocolate milkshake.
Ubernaught ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:29:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I worked at McDonald's for a short while. The icecream machines smell like vile rotten milk. I don't get McDonald's icecream anymore.
Aoloach ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:18:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think I'll leave for class half an hour early and get one. Or two. Or five.
Toxicitor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:15:29 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a billion thick straws?
just_comments ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:58:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If that's 8 oz of shake that means that you'd be looking at 500 billion pounds of shake (not including cups) or 250 million tons of shake, or about the weight of 24,000 aircraft carriers, or half the entire weight of the human race.
Or about twice as much as your mom weighs.
MattTheProgrammer ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:39:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Five Guys has really good milk shakes. You can get them flavored with the classics like chocolate, vanilla, or strawberry if that's all you're after. They are super tasty and not so huge that Wilford Brimley will be showing up at your door with supplies any time soon.
Itsthellama ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:21:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is plain milkshake different from Vanilla, like yogurt? Plain yogurt is nasty.
criticalbuzz ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:36:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
*plane milkshakes
BridgeHammer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Plane flavour isnt as good as helicopter flavour
RopeBunny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:25:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Vanilla is boring.
hyugafan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:10:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Surely you can't be serious.
pedantic_dullard ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:22:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm quite serious, and don't call me Shirley.
SamCBorne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:35:55 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd take a chocolate triple 7
naryn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:21:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Banana milkshake is much better.
philosorapt0rN7 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:21:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Banana milkshake with Bailey's.
DreamsOfNeonCities ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How much?
philosorapt0rN7 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:58:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
More.
DreamsOfNeonCities ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:14:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No but really how much do you pour in? Im down for this
philosorapt0rN7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:19:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've never measured it, but about an inch deep in a glass, then add one banana, vanilla ice cream, and milk. Use more/less alcohol to taste depending on how you like it.
DJDarren ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:57:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Found the deviant.
Leafy81 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:48:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Birthday cake milkshakes are delicious.
High_Guardian ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 16:42:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You are clearly a man of conviction, I respect this.
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 17:17:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some rich dude somewhere once said it best: "If if floats, flies, or fucks, RENT."
rudolfs001 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:47:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you're in (or near) Sydney and provide proof, I'll paypal you money for that milkshake.
ssfgrgawer ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:01:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah its cool mate, I live about 6-7 hours from sydney and go there occasionally for a holiday. The Milkshake was something I found during my random wanderings of the city.
PhannyTwoShoes ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:52:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Creeeeep
rudolfs001 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:15:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Because I want to live vicariously through someone's awesome milkshake experience?
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:02:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good call. The maintenance and upkeep on a B777 would eat you alive.
coldmtndew ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:15:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Interest you'd make having a trillion dollars would be far higher then the upkeep costs.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:19:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Let's not get all logical now.
misterguyyy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:20:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah. It's one more thing to worry about/stay on top of.
jamesvdant ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:47:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
MC Hammer?
b64-MR ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The new Air Force One that Trump was complaining about during the election has a price tag between 3.2 and 4bn.
Air Force One costs roughly $200,000/hr to operate, this figured included fuel, flight consumables and maintenance. The cost for a commercial airline is closer to the $35,000/hr mark, but we have a trillion dollars we don't want the peasant treatment.
At $200,000/hr it would cost about 1.753bn a year to operate, assuming 24/7 operation. Add in the 4bn for the initial cost you'd be short of 6bn a year.
Assuming you could manage just a 1% return on you 1tn that would be 10bn a year, so you'd still make 4 bn yearly if you bought a new plane decked out like Air Force One each year.
IMainlyLurk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:24:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At 1 trillion dollars, you have a little over 1% of the gross world product. Assuming a well diversified portfolio, your return is probably going to roughly match the growth of that.
HuskyLuke ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:16:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like to be trillionaire buddies with you, you understand that happiness isn't having the biggest, mostest, bestest thing. It's just having the thing the is meaningful to you... Or at least to you taste buds and tummy. I'm sad I never heard about those thickshakes while I was still in Australia, now I want one (or a dozen).
ssfgrgawer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:06:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah. You cant buy happyness, but you can buy milkshakes and thats pretty close.
HuskyLuke ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:29:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's like the old saying;
Except with milkshakes not jetskis.
KeybladeSpirit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:10:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But what if you could have both?
iseah100 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:49:26 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is my favorite comment ever.
ssfgrgawer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:09:22 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Glad it amuses you :D
oblivioustoobvious ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You better get a $5 milkshake. I bet it's damn good milkshake.
kapntoad ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:48:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Vincent! My man in Amsterdam!
DAHFreedom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:59:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't tell that to the people over at /r/woodworking
designer_of_drugs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
will you buy me a plane? i want to live in it. get tan hanging out above those sexy GE90-115's
whereisthenutella ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:20:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's the right attitude!
Jinno ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, but if you're not in Sydney, you have to fly there anyway. May as well get a private jet and pilot to do the job on a private jet where you have a big screen TV, every game console, and a comfy bed.
ssfgrgawer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:58:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Id probably get the train to be honest. I dont really like flying.
Id have to fly to other countries thats true, but i dont really want a plane.
marc_nado ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Respect.
Sir_Toadington ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:48:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well which is it, do you want a thick shake or a milkshake?
Mister_Moustache_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:38:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know, I'm quite thirsty make it two strawberry milkshakes
dubmcswaggins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:14:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I want a chocolate plane with a milk shake apartment.
jaxmagicman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:24:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why not a plane full of milkshakes?
ninja_stalker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:07:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How's it feel being my spirit animal?
ssfgrgawer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:21:15 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty good. Still want the milkshake tho.
Thunder21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:26:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Planes seem like a lot of work. Milshakes are great though
ssfgrgawer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:13:42 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly. Who wants all that noise.
Thunder21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:13:09 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We could get along.
_effed_up ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:08:46 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get a plane with a milkshake machine in it. Milkshakes while you fly!
ssfgrgawer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:06:24 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dont want a plane. Want Milkshake.
iamahotblondeama ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:43:49 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One plane milkshake coming right up
thewalex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:47:25 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This reminded me of the Calvin & Hobbes strip about simple wishes. Hope you enjoy it (or already know about it!)
snorlz ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:07:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
with that kind of money, you could have a flying apartment AND buy a condo in every city you want to visit
Randomksa2 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:44:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Condos are for millionaires.
thesunscreen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:05:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could, and you could have someone fly out ahead of you and set up your new condo exactly the way you like everything. It just seems like a pain in the ass.
I get cranky if my bookmarks aren't right, I can't imagine if I fly to Bali and my 'have you tried turning it off and on again' tshirt wasn't there when I got there. When you're that rich, the little things are what matter.
snorlz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
with that much money, youd easily have a team of personal assistants who knew your tastes
ManWithYourPlan ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:41:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A trillion dollars is 5 fleets of 777s money with 5 reserve fleets of yachts to tour the world with all at the same time and not ever feel your wallet get tickled.
You could purchase 25 777s, not including any discounts you get from buying in bulk, tip the doorman 2 billion dollars, and still make out under 10B
bubblewrapskies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:38:52 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah but how many chocolate thick shakes is that?
MadmanDJS ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:24:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's private 787 money. Get me one of them fancy dreamliners.
ronearc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:48:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or a completely tricked out A380.
banitsa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:27:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not even. That's have an airplane even bigger than an A380 designed from the ground up just for yourself money.
ronearc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:50:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sure, but while you're waiting for that, grab the A380 or the 787.
ltdanimal ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:33:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
777: $300 million
Fuel cost NY to Sydney: $215,000
Having over $999,999,000,000 left to pour one milkshake out for your homies: Priceless
maxwellmaxen ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:49:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's private all 777 in the world money, if we're being honest.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:00:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
thesunscreen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:52:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've heard this a few times, but honestly why would you need more than a pair of 777s, and maybe a pair of C130s to haul around the cars you might like to bring with you.
With a Trillion you don't need or want to make more money. Having a pair of them would eliminate the need of ever being left without one due to maintenance.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:41:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
thesunscreen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:22:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why would you want that many? Forget about using them or the upkeep. You'd have to have private international airports to store them. Which would bring down your total. You'd have to have teams of people and pilots just to keep them air worthy.
Two would be enough. I bet you could buy Madagascar though.
Damn_Croissant ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:01:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're gonna want a custom one, though, so it's gonna be a 2-year wait until you have your custom airliner. Even a ton of money can't speed up building a fucking huge, bespoke house in the sky.
thesunscreen ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:12:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You definitely don't understand what a trillion dollars can buy you.
If you double the asking price to 648 million Boeing will put on three shifts and have it done in a week. keep in mind there is probably a complete one siting on factory floor right now, you just have to gut the cabin and have people come in to do the coach work inside.
Damn_Croissant ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:19:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do, but you still need to work with designers to design it and Boeing still needs to build it. It's not like you can just have it in a few months.
Gregory_Pikitis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:00:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then go on Turo and rent out your 777 to make money
moriero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What about the internets, though?! You cannot pwn noobs with a 1000 ms ping!
Najd7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's fucking-buy-all-aerospace-companies money, not just buy a cheap 777.
Amator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:49:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, you could be like the billionaire guy in Contact whose houseplane only lands to refuel, except now you're a trillionaire so you can probably get both a solar plane and a few solar drones to keep a security parameter at all times.
thesunscreen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:14:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You can also buy a fleet of C130 Tanker conversions and continuously midair refuel. I'm sure after enough time though you'd need to land for maintenance.
Amator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:39:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Either that or buy two aircraft carriers that each have a couple of C130s--keep one in the Pacific and one in the Atlantic. When it's time for maintenance, you land on your aircraft carrier and take one of the identical private jets--just have your servants carry over your luggage and exotic pets to the other jet and take off again.
ChickenPotPi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:09:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
peasant, no private A380?
jkopecky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:14:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's "live in your private 777 while refueling in the air and never touching the dirty peasant ground again" money.
Neolife ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:17:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's not just private 777 money. That's new private 757 every day for 34 years money.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:37:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LOL Trump's 757 with gold plated everything and rolls royce engines is 100 million. You could buy his plane 10000 of his planes with a trillion dollars.
excndinmurica ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I bet with that money I could modify the cargo bag door to make room for a container to house my Aston Martin. And something nondescript to get around incognito, like a mazda 3 or A4. Flying apt with garage and see the world. I think your idea is the best on the thread.
thesunscreen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sure you could but you could have CG issues say if your Aston breaks free and decides to roll back to the door of the plane. money can't save you from death.
Although I bet Cirrus could do something for you with enough money. They are the company that make those private plane parachutes for single seaters. The plane is destroyed in the process but the pilot lives.
excndinmurica ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:47:45 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Every airplane would have CG issues if their cargo broke loose. That's why the locks are a primary system and have to be functioning for dispatch.
thesunscreen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:46:50 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're right, but when you have a trillion dollars you don't need a plane with a belly full of toys with wheels. You have another one to tote them around.
covercash ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:57:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And hire Sully to be the pilot. I'd also hire Tom Hanks to be co-pilot.
thesunscreen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:11:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could actually hire John Travolta to be your pilot/copilot. He is actually multi engine qualified and I believe he still owns his on 737.
Make him sing Summer Lovin over the PA every time you land.
covercash ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:16:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldn't want to be indirectly funding Scientology.
thesunscreen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:28:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A trillion dollars could probably eradicate Scientology.
theangryintern ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:23:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
FTFY
thesunscreen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:08:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Again, more than two is a waste, unless you're flying people around the world to places where you're not.
snickers_snickers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:30:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like flying on planes with people, though.
thesunscreen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:08:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're just weird.
snickers_snickers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:17:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or, conversely, I just like people.
I mean, some of them. A lot of people suck.
thesunscreen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:23:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You fly to where the people are if thats your thing. You don't have to fly with them.
snickers_snickers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:34:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eh. I like airports, when they're not overcrowded.
fraijj ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:40:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thats private Airbus A380 money... Can have a flying apartment building with all your favorite folk.
thesunscreen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:24:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If it ain't Boeing, I ain't going.
interfail ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:01:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's not private 777 money. That's 'get someone to make you Thunderbird 2 s you can cruise around at Mach 8 in a flying tank' money.
going_mad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:53:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
777? You could buy a b2 bomber
thesunscreen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:58:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could pay for one, but you couldn't buy it.
The government won't sell you current technology.
I do wonder if you could buy an SR-71 from them, rock up and make a deal with the Donald on one of them sitting in the hanger .
TakoyakiBoxGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:16:52 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ignoring legal issues, that's money to bankroll the development of an entirely new class of plane just to support your lifestyle. Buy AirBus and Boeing and buy off the regulators in the EU and the US who would scream "monolpoly! Anti-trust!". Then build whatever plane you want, and finance airport expansions around the world just to accommodate it. A few billion, and you can have a large private jet no problem. A trillion, and you can have all the jets.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:19:19 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
777.... What a fucking peasant, that's gold plated 787 money.....
thesunscreen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:23:44 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
http://planes.axlegeeks.com/compare/292-293/Boeing-777-300ER-vs-Boeing-787-8-Dreamliner
Actually the 777 is 92K more than the 787 and has slightly more range. It is a few mph slower though. It's also got a wider cabin, longer overall, and wins in every category that matters. As for gold plating, I'm just not that much of a douche. Or should I say it's not that YUGE a deal to me.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:38 on March 11, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You would be that much of a douche with a trillion dollars.
You could literally buy an entire city, burn it to the ground, and still make money that year.
You could literally do anything you want. You could buy a fucking country.
thesunscreen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:02:45 on March 11, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not that ostentatious. Even with a trillion dollars. I wouldn't want a gold plated anything.
To be fair all I would do is pump a couple of billion dollars into robotics and a couple billion into consciousness transferal so that I could live forever in a body that couldn't break down.
MrNudeGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:38:12 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
does one still need a passport if you have your own plane. Who's checking it?
thesunscreen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:48:09 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes. Private planes have there own customs check.
chancegold ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:48:50 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
777 money? Shit, that's 747 with a custom F16 docking bay to allow you to joyride out of the tail midflight and then redock when you get tired of barrel rolling money.
The F16 wingspan is ~12 feet wider than the 747 body width, but that's not a problem that throwing half a billion at won't fix!
thesunscreen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:58 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There are more things wrong with that than I want to think about, but its your dream you live it how you want.
chancegold ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:37:49 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm actually a licensed pilot, so trust me, I know.
... 1 trillion dollars is a lot of money though. It's not just "fuck you" money, it's "fuck any and every problem I may ever come across in anything I want to do" money.
Plus, I mean, come on. You wouldn't want to be able to joy ride a bit during the more tedious bits of your international flights?
thesunscreen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:32:17 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A licensed pilot you say? So you see no problem hitting an opening only slightly wider than a modified (seriously?) f16 through the wake turbulence created by a 747? Better still you have no problem with impeller stall when you somehow try to push the f16 out of a 747 doing 400 knts?
Money can solve a lot of problems but not that's beyond the pale.
chancegold ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:36:21 on March 11, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Since the 2 recently contracted 747's to serve as AF1 with all of their fancy and special modifications is ~4.2 billion, it wouldn't be out of the question to commission a specifically designed 747 with a wider tail to accommodate the F16 wingspan for no more than $5b, I'd think. You're telling me Airbus can make something as ugly as the Beluga fly but Boeing can't make me a 40 foot wide docking bay tail??
With an ILS-like system configured with much tighter tolerances and a type of "system linkage" between an F16 autopilot/autoland system and such a system, it could probably rigged up to get into tight formation and then initiate an auto-dock sequence.
A 747-400's NTOW Vmc is ~250knts and Vs is 205, so it would be very feasible to drop to at least 250, or a bit lower with flaps during undocking and docking procedures. The lower speed/engine thrust would also make it easier for the "auto-dock" system.
An F16 isn't exactly a glider, but can glide enough to be able to initiate an engine start after undocking and after you nose down and stabilize, eliminating the impeller stall issue. Sure, you don't really want to preflight your engine while you're already flying, but in the event of engine failure, dead stick it if over land, or if over water (probably recommended with this configuration), eject. What's a measily $20m to replace the plane?
STOP TRYING TO STOMP ON MY DREAMS! :P
thesunscreen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:00:07 on March 11, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You want to dump an f16 out of a moving 747 at 250 knts without it being lit off? The FAA would get wind of that and have a heart attack. IF everything worked perfectly. Most likely she would pitch back and the wake turbulence would tear the wings off, or at least flip the thing over put it into a spin and you would black out before ever lighting the candle.
Have you ever seen that mythbusters episode where they move a car behind one that is doing a run up? Money can't change the laws of physics
The only feasible (and I use that word very loosely) would actually be some kind of tether assembly. Where the plane is lowered out the back... jesus, I'm sorry that's just stupid, the plane wouldn't be able to fly in time it would roll the 747 on her back and everyone would crash and die.
I'll thank you for the mental exercise, and allow you to have your dream. Enjoy.
Destination_Fucked ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:29:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
777 Jesus for a trillion I'd buy at least a 747.
thesunscreen ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:56:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
747 is old tech. I'm a trillionaire with an eye on the environment. Still want a private plane, but a fuel efficient giant flying home.
Destination_Fucked ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:11:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bugger that if I am a trillionaire sod the environment I am buying a 747 and putting a spinny bed in like Austin powers
thesunscreen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:22:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You can get a spiny bed in a 777, they hold three rows of seating then two on the other side. Ya baby, do I make you horny?
jmrichmond81 ยท -10 points ยท Posted at 11:42:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It wouldn't be hard to purchase a 777 with a trillion. Look into operating costs. These threads are always filled with people talking about outlandish purchases with no thought to the cost after the initial investment.
thesunscreen ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 12:11:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You have no concept of a trillion dollars. You could buy an airline and ground all the planes with a trillion. A triple 7 is 320 mil. with an M. It costs around 9K per hour to run. So with a single billion you could fly around the world for the life of the plane on the interest that billion makes.
buttery_shame_cave ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:18:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
dude... a trillion dollars isn't just tophat rich. it's not even tophat and monocle rich.
that's 'real life bond villain' rich. on just interest alone at standard savings account rates you would be the 15th largest GDP in the world, ahead of mexico. if you invested it agressively(say, call up bill gates' people) you would easily be one of the top ten largest economies in the world, probably between india and italy.
the operating costs on a 777 wouldn't even make a dent in the interest you would gain per second, nevermind if you actually tried to grow the money.
that's enough money you could destabilize stock markets without even trying.
uyuye ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:21:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you could buy 3,000 of them. do you know how much a trillion is you fuck
DoNotForgetMe ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:46:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could buy thousands of 777s and run them continuously for decades with 1 Trillion USD.
emaciated_pecan ยท 215 points ยท Posted at 15:36:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What is this chocolate thiccshake you speak of??
nickmista ยท 89 points ยท Posted at 17:04:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pls I need shady thickshakes in my life.
speedmonster95 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 18:08:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please op
LiberContrarion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:50:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just call me Mr. Shady Thickshakes.
Kalipokai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:16:54 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've been to this shady chocolate thick shake place. It's quite underground. Lots of great deals, you can get 12 spring rolls for $6 (AUD). I don't go there since I found a fingernail in my fried rice. The thick shakes are pretty damn good though.
ssfgrgawer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:31:08 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
extra flavor!
Kalipokai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:15:43 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
shudders
Turbografox16 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:32:59 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What's it called?
Kalipokai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:15:37 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I dunno, but i doubt the government knows it exists.
Ezymandius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:22:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I somehow got tongue-tied reading this silently.
Kalipokai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:16:40 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've been to this shady chocolate thick shake place. It's quite underground. Lots of great deals, you can get 12 spring rolls for $6 (AUD). I don't go there since I found a fingernail in my fried rice. The thick shakes are pretty damn good though.
Photog77 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:06:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In the States they call them chocolate milkshakes. Down under, milkshakes are just milk, not ice cream.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:26:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, milkshakes still have icecream in them in Australia, just not as much as a thick shake. Like, they're still mostly liquid where as thickshake is a lot harder to get up the straw.
rmphys ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm confused. So "Australian Thickshake"="American Milkshake" but "Australian Milkshake"="American Milk"...do you at least shake the plain milk?
Photog77 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:59:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The best comparison for an Australian Milkshake is a melted American Milkshake at full on room temperature.
BombTheCity ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:07:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What the fuck Australia why room temperature?
coleyboley25 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:55:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Super McThiqq shawty
Rising_Swell ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:15:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
no, it's a ttthhhhhhhicccccccshake
It's gotta be ttthhhhiccccc
mattyisphtty ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:33:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What Harden is looking for at the strip club.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:26:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just a milkshake with a lot of extra icecream in it, so it's hard to get up the straw.
mastersword83 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:48:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Idk if you're australian, but they just call milkshakes thickshakes down there. What they call milkshakes are just a tiny bit thicker than milk.
Kalipokai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:16:47 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've been to this shady chocolate thick shake place. It's quite underground. Lots of great deals, you can get 12 spring rolls for $6 (AUD). I don't go there since I found a fingernail in my fried rice. The thick shakes are pretty damn good though.
jbarnes222 ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 19:10:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your mom is a chocolate thiccshake I know that
Electric_Rat ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 16:35:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Walks into government building
Hello!!! I would like to buy ur country
cantaloupelion ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:13:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hello yes, one medium size country please, extra resources and a extra large helping of trade agreements. How much for international esteem on the side?
Shelfypig ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 17:57:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yo I live in Sydney and I'm not aware of these thickshakes. Pls tell more
BitterlySarcastic ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:50:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was seriously concerned before I got to "food court", I thought this was some kind of elaborate term for a hooker.
freshieststart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:05:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Australians are very passionate about milkshakes.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:00:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Note to self:
Start calling gf a "super badass chocolate thickshake"
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:12:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
ssfgrgawer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:07:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As did I the first time i went to sydney. It was olny by chance on the second visit that place that i felt like a milkshake and got one with food, it was amazing.
Eivad69 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:21:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you talking about Eating World - cos they have some damn good thick ramen (link)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:30:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I can't believe they forgot that awesome name. Eating World is my favourite just due to the name! Even though Dixon and Market city arguably have better food.
ssfgrgawer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:05:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damn son you are good! Yeah im not sure as to which shop it is In the Dixon Street food court, but you are in the right spot!
weaslebubble ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:42:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tell us where the thickshake is at. I want the proprietor to face a perplexing 10,000% rise in shake demand for today only.
ssfgrgawer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:00:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dixon Street Food court. Not sure what the place is called but that gets you in the ballpark.
AvianSeven ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:14:00 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You should try the Hub Central's concrete shakes on Broadway. So thick they have a really wide straw so you can suck it up. They have crazy flavour like Nutella and cheesecake that taste exactly like them.
ssfgrgawer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:08:06 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I had a trillion dollars id probably go try it.
syro23 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:45:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seeing the world doesn't cost that much. Go and see the world!
weaslebubble ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:36:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah but money helps.
SamCBorne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:37:23 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No. It does. What the hell does "that much" mean to you. I'm lucky if I can eat out once a month.
syro23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:29:47 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
well since we were talking about a trillion dollars I meant seeing the world doesn't cost one trillion dollars. People often complain that its too expensive but then they go spend their money elsewhere. For a lot of people it is an affordable thing if you make it a priority.
-_----_-- ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:40:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not sure if'd quit my job (immediately). I like what I'm doing, that's why I choosed my occupation. It's also structuring my life pretty well, for example when to stand up, eat & stuff.
chasingandbelieving ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:13:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One of these is not like the others.
comrad_gremlin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:59:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honest question out of curiosity (assuming you are from US): do you not get a passport after the age of ~15? If not - what do you usually use for identification? Is this state specific? And what happens if you go to other state and need to identify yourself?
Thanks!
JMT97 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:13:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You have to buy a passport in the United States. After about 15 you are expected to have a driver's permit or driver's license that is used as Government approved ID.
breastronaut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:29:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or, y'know, a state ID that is not necessarily a Driver's license.
kellenthehun ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:17:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think you have to, no. After you turn 16, most people get their drivers license. Drivers license are state specific and also serve as your state ID. Each license is valid in all 50 states, and each license is usually slightly different--but all the important stuff is the same. Passports are less common because people in the states don't cross country lines very often.
I'm from Texas so my license has a picture of my state on it. If you don't get a drivers license you can get a state ID which is basically the same, you just can't legally drive with it.
A common practice in underage drinking is getting a fake ID from a different state. If I show someone in Texas a New York ID, they're probably not going to know exactly what it should look like.
Hope that helps!
comrad_gremlin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for the detailed response, it does help! Will ask a bit more, if you don't mind :)
So pretty much everyone must have a drivers license? (What if they are on disability?) Is it easy to get drivers license?
Here I had to drive ~30hours with instructor here and had 3 exams (theory -> parking practice -> driving practice) before getting a license. Some of the people I know gave up because the requirements were really strict. People normally get passport once they turn 15 and change it every 5-10 years (depending on your age).
DirtyDan257 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:37:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The requirements are different for each state. For my state at age 16 you could take a written test to get your learners permit. With the permit you could only drive with a parent or an approved driving instructor in your car and no one else.
After 6 months of this you were eligible to take the test for your drivers license. During these 6 months I took a drivers ed class at my high school after school hours. It met for about 1.5-2 hours after school each day for about 2-3 weeks. This class wasn't required but your insurance would be lower if you took it so most people did.
When you finally went to take your license test you had to take the written test again in addition to the actual road test.
Even when you got your actual license there were still restrictions for awhile. For the first 6 months you can only drive alone or with a parent. After 6 months you could have siblings in the car and after a year you could finally drive friends and everyone else. If you got your license after you were already 18 these last few restrictions don't apply.
You don't need to have a drivers license though. You can also get a state issued ID that is just an ID and nothing more. I had to get one of these before I had a license for a school trip to California because I didn't have a passport at the time.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:28:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like they're from Australia, if they're buying thickshakes in Sydney. But the answer is much the same - Licence is accepted as ID, passport is only needed if you're planning to travel internationally.
ssfgrgawer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:08:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am from Australia and here it is more common to get a Drivers Licence than a Passport as we cannot travel to another country without getting on a plane, which is expensive.
Drivers license in Australia is Identification no mater the state.
penea2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i mean if we are being real probably get all sorts of insane food. One of those large dumpling challenge things, a burger challenge perhaps, a gigantic bowl of pho. I'd just go around the world eating amazing fucking food and it would be glorious.
CrouchingPuma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like it doesn't require a trillion dollars to get a passport
Source: Have passport. Don't have a trillion dollars.
ssfgrgawer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:04:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
True, But A trilion dollars gives me far more oppertunity to travel than my current need to save money for fucking Tyres for my car.
Mitochondria420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Screw that, call up Elon Musk and see the solar system!
ssfgrgawer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:02:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did I stutter? I want milkshake. Not space.
Theremingtonfuzzaway ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ild buy gelatissemo and eat all thier ice cream and explode
ssfgrgawer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:01:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They are amazing. I get one every time I got to sydney.
Theremingtonfuzzaway ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:23:40 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If i had the money ild fly from the UK just for one . Its all about the lemon sorbet
Fuzzymuscles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What would that cost? $10,000 for the entire trip?
You could pay for the entirety of that trip every second for over 3.17 years with a trillion dollars.
ssfgrgawer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:59:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ill think of something else to do when i get my thickshake.
nfsnobody ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Where can I find these thickshakes?
ssfgrgawer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:59:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dixon Street food court.
30_percent_iron_chef ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:00:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is it the food court near woolies down the stairs? I need to know more about these shakes
ssfgrgawer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:53:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dixon Street Food Court. about a blocks walk from Paddys Market.
ssfgrgawer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:58:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dixon Street Food Court.
chuckymcgee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:07:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He said a trillion dollars, not a thousand dollars.
ssfgrgawer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:57:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ill think of what else to buy when I have my milkshake.
Deus_Mortiis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:11:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Link to thickshake?
ssfgrgawer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:52:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dixon Street Food Court, bout a blocks walk from Paddys Market into china town. Best i can do sorry mate.
bkgvyjfjliy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:20:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd go to work. I'd keep going to work. I just wouldn't care at all about the salary, and wouldn't give a fuck if things didn't go well (I'd leave then). I'd also start taking longer vacations, maybe a sabbatical every now and then, etc.
Or maybe I'd just ramp up my own business instead.
I guess I'm saying that I work for more than just money.
ssfgrgawer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:52:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I volenteer a lot in my free time as is, so id probably keep doing that after A nice holiday, But id really like a holiday as ive had a 3 day holiday in the last 3 years.
thedellah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:25:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
op where this at
i stay in sydney and I want some
ssfgrgawer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:50:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dixon Street Food court, Close to paddys Market.
thedellah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:42:24 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
dope af thanks
Circus_Phreak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Which food court, bro? The one hidden between the George St Woolworths and Pitt St? The one up the north end of China Town?
I'm dying to know!
ssfgrgawer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:50:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dixon Street food court mate. Not far from Paddys Market.
Circus_Phreak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:58:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks man! I'll go hunting.
awindinthedoor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get a passport irregardless. A passport is a wonderful thing to have, not because you can't travel without it, but because with it, you have the freedom to travel.
Unless you have an Afghan passport. Then just seek asylum somewhere
wheatfields ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:46:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So thats maybe 2 million, if you are trying REALLY hard to spend. What do you do with the rest?
ssfgrgawer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:49:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ill cross that bridge when I get to it.
RyantheAustralian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:58:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is that at Paddy's market? Is that a new thing? I lived in Sydney in 2006-2007 but I don't recall ever hearing about that and we'd regularly go to the market
ssfgrgawer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:49:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Its not far from Paddys, Across the road through the chinatown gate, go about a block in and off to the side, Find the Dixon Street food court. Its a small underground food court but its a hidden gem.
RyantheAustralian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:58:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm gonna struggle to find it since I haven't been in Australia for a decade now, but cheers dude. I wish I knew of this place back then (if it was indeed there then). I just remember becoming addicted to Bubble tea (easyway, baby!!) in Sydney and ai think the first branch we ever saw was near Paddy's
dezeiram ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:00:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd get a $5 milkshake
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:03:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:30:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
KardelSharpeyes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:32:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol, didn't even notice it as a place since it wasn't capitalized. Well theres my dumb move of the day. :(
ssfgrgawer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:48:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Australian Actually. Id love to travel, but its very expensive to get anywhere from here lol.
itsobs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:51:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Which food court. I'm curious.
ssfgrgawer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:47:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dixon Street Food court. Not far from Paddys Market
240revolting ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:11:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Might be able to afford to buy a 1 bedroom apartment in bondi at least with the new wealth
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:32:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
ssfgrgawer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:56:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dixon Street Food Court. Dont know the name of the shop but that gets you in the ballpark.
destructormuffin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:20:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There are ways to do this on the cheap. You don't need a trillion bucks. :)
ssfgrgawer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:20:57 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know its possible, but when im struggling to find money for Car Registration and Tyres traveling the world is a little out of my grasp at this moment.
GheistFaceKillah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:52:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh shit, I could go there right now and get one...
ssfgrgawer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:19:16 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Its a good idea if you want a milkshake and a hella feed. some great restaurants down there.
priceys ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:57:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
FARRK i'm going to sydney in June, hook me up with the name if you think of it
ssfgrgawer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:17:48 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Enter via the corner of Dixon Street and little Hay Street, and its right on your immediate right as you get down the stairs. Cant remember the name but thats its exact location.
Lots of great food places down there too.
priceys ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:19:00 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah! I've heard its good around there, thanks man!
Airyll ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:24:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know that food court well! Lots of cheap yum Asian food too. I've had that exact thick shake too. You're priorities are spot on
ssfgrgawer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:14:10 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
hell yeah. I love that place and try to visit every time im in the big smoke.
shanghaigyoza ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:36:08 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As a Canadian I find it unreal that only 36% of americans have passports. Go see the world!
ssfgrgawer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:10:07 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Im Australian. Its a lot of money to fly anywhere that isnt South East Asia, and i do not have lots of money :( Unless i get this trillion dollars tomorrow.
karmagirl314 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:25:35 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Does that place also have a really trashy Target?
ssfgrgawer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:09:04 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No idea what the above ground shops have, Ive only been in the food court.
karmagirl314 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:01:34 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think I may have visited that place back in 2009. Didn't know about the milkshakes though.
Roadman2k ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:47:20 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Leaving sydney this weekend. Am definitely going to go grab one of these before I fly
ssfgrgawer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:08:20 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Highly recommend it.
philemon99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:01 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Where is this thickshake you speak of. I know about the flower looking icecream already
ssfgrgawer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:07:14 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dixon Street food court, I dont remember the actual name of the place within.
xopowo-cobaka ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:56:56 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude!!! Yes!!! There's a Mexican/Chinese fusion place in that tiny food court that does amaaaazing Chinese burritos. It has the word "boy" in the name...
mmmDatAss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:15:56 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just left Sydney two days ago. REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
ssfgrgawer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:43:11 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel you. Its been nearly 24 hours since i posted. still dont have a milkshake. There are no longer boys in my yard. Things are getting dire. Awaiting one trillion dollars.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:28:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You don't need a passport when you're a billionaire let alone a trillionaire...
robotgreetings ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:38:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes you do, to prove you're a trillionaire.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:31:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
ssfgrgawer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:03:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Last time i went to sydney it cost me around $1200 for the travel, hotel, what i did down there and food.
For me thats a great getaway, but i cant afford to do it often. Seeing the world costs far more than that.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:48:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
ssfgrgawer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:20:16 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I dont think ive ever been to a resort, lol. Hotels are for sleeping and storing shit you bought until you are going home.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:33:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or just not that rich/privileged?
Travel is expensive, especially from Australia. If its their priority, they'll get to do it one day.
But cost of living is pretty high in Sydney, and sometimes people have other responsibilities (I know plenty of people here who have kids and are struggling to make ends meet when with two working adults - they wouldn't be able to afford much travel).
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:00:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:34:04 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude said he would travel, you said he should just do that now. I called you out on it and this reply has absolutely nothing to do with that.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:42:02 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:18:55 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, I've traveled. I've been privileged enough to earn enough to travel. Not everyone has that privilege. It's not as easy as "you want to travel? Just do it!". That's what I called you out on.
winch25 ยท 1561 points ยท Posted at 14:54:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Delete Facebook, hire a lawyer, hit the gym.
[deleted] ยท 1262 points ยท Posted at 17:33:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
delete all of facebook
LizletECMA ยท 739 points ยท Posted at 18:47:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, that would be ace, buy up facebook and then just delete it. Would be glorious.
mortiphago ยท 304 points ยท Posted at 19:53:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
oh man the worldwide salt would be glorious. Imagine the millions of people who lost family photos and whatnot
SkyKiwi ยท 99 points ยท Posted at 21:26:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fair point, can't fix stupid.
How about entirely cripple Facebook. Make it so people can only view their own profiles. That way you effectively remove Facebook as a thing that people will ever have reason to use, and they have all the time in the world to save anything they uploaded.
Not like you can't afford to keep some servers running, especially since Facebook's traffic would tank by 99.999% (With a margin of error by 99.999%).
JezzaN1 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 00:24:13 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be perfectly honest, 95% of the time i'm only using it as a free chat / messenger service so this wouldn't worry me all that much.
eye_kant-speel ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:12:32 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait...How different is this messenger service compared to me texting? Is it faster and more cloudy?
JANK ,
How
I
miss
you
toomanyattempts ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:33:52 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, and allows pictures/vids and has group chats and doesn't come out of your phone plan.
marcusss12345 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:51:14 on March 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, I feel like the main thing is that you can contact everyone, you don't need their number first
manycactus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:36:07 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just allow MySpace cursors and such.
DickIomat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:47:16 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a new life goal.
Albino_Smurf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:14:27 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why let them view their own photos for free? Why not charge them for access to their photos? I mean if you own the site...
alexbuzzbee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:55:39 on April 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, just make it read-only. You can look at Facebook, but you can't do anything there.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:47:17 on April 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
alexbuzzbee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:54:18 on April 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
:]
SwenKa ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 20:57:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
$100 to have them restored. Make a good chunk of it back, at least to pay the data peeps, while providing a cheap lesson to others about backing their shit up.
end_all_be_all ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:22:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That would be the greatest case of randsomeware of all time, only for a little over a third of your fortune, it would be insane and profitable
TheJeffreyLebowski ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:27:04 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"randsomeware"
I_am_N0t_that_guy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:08:48 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm from a country that uses the long billion, so with a trillion dollars, buying and deleting facebook wouldn't even put a dent on my account ;)
Check mate atheists
Math_Blaster_ ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 20:29:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck em. Back your shit up!
Xenomech ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 22:32:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you just deleted it, someone else might come along and make another Facebook.
A better thing to do would be to make every post and every photo public for the world to see. It might teach everyone a much needed lesson.
mortiphago ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:04:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you....
remind me not to cross you
karmagirl314 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:33:17 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Remind him! 1 year.
Zulubo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:03:54 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That'd make a good black mirror episode
PM_ME__UR_LADYGARDEN ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:13:27 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And every private message too
softhack ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:10:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
People don't keep backups?
mortiphago ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:37:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
funny thread aside: i imagine some do, but facebook acts as their backup. I mean, I keep mine in google drive, the odds of facebook suddenly dissapearing are about the same as google drive. Cant really blame them.
MagFrag5891 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:13:42 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And the Farmville farms.
blatheringbard ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:50:25 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit. I mean even if you somehow gave them notice to save photos, memories, etc before it was shut down, can you imagine the shit storm as Google+ finally sees an opening, Yahoo tries to force a migration into a revamped tumblr which obviously just kills the site entirely, Focus on the Family announces their new platform, Faithbook, and AOL smugly reminds us that they have 2.2 million new subscribers every year.
Damn_Croissant ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 19:11:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Attempt a hostile takeover forcing Facebook to rally for a giant stock buyback.
the_honest_liar ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 19:56:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then once the price is up, drop it all and tank the stock, then rince and repeat, Facebook loses all its money trying to buy back stock.
barfsfw ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 20:02:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the best idea on the thread. You would throw the world into chaos.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:16:53 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
tahnks
Cyno01 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 20:29:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now were talking! Finally seeing some big idea thinking here. I mean for this kind of money you could buy Coke and Pepsi and start putting Pepsi in Coke cans and Coke in Pepsi cans...
Infinitenemesis ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:18:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Calm down satan.
Halgy ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 20:53:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Recently in the news:
blue_alien_police ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:27:37 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd do that in a heartbeat. Just to watch the massive freakout.
Georgia_Ball ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 20:47:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
DO NOT
I hate fb as much as the next guy, but removing it would do two disastrous things:
a) it would force current users onto other established platforms, bringing down the overall wellbeing of those infected.
b) the vacuum it produces will surely be filled by hundreds of smaller imitations filled with ad/malware, more clickbait, and poorly moderated.
240revolting ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 21:17:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Because Facebook isn't full of click bait and breitbart links anyway
Zinnflute ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:24:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It can always be worse.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:28:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Georgia_Ball ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:37:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, I'm saying it will bring down the overall welfare of the platforms that are infected, like twitter, tumblr, and Reddit.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:44:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Georgia_Ball ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:49:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, I was trying to make fb sound like a disease that infects other platforms.
Thanks for the tip though!
cinnawaffls ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:56:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tomato ToMAtoe
NotUrMomsMom ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:09:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Facebook is also used heavily in the developing world for all sorts of things. People's livelihoods are sometimes dependant on Facebook.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:17:16 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
dude calm down i dont have a trillion dollars
cartrman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:37:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Facebook will be rendered OBSOLETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE!
pyroSeven ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:24:21 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tech blogs will be going insane for days but nobody will read them because a huge source of their traffic is from Facebook anyway.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:51:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also get rid of Snapchat and Instagram. Oh, and Twitter.
eairy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:16 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Finally Google+ might get off the ground
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:59 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, that would be soo sweet
86rpt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:20:44 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Ace" is this gonna be a new cool kid word?
Jellyfish_Princess ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:36:54 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How would I talk to my Grandma?
FjohursLykkewe ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:06:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But how would I know what gram gram had for lunch?
ineververify ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:21:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
no don't delete it just forward it to zombo.com
Taste_of_Space ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:47:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was thinking don't delete it, just make it reminiscent of early 2000's era angelfire site... Reroute Zombo.com would be better though.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:06:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't need more than $10 for that though. Buy a stronk magnet and rub it on your router. Bam, facebook deleted from the internet.
Hammer_Jackson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:10:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think this idea is best idea. I would love to watch the world react to this. (All social media would be ideal, with nothing new to replace it)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:17:59 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
tahnks
Hammer_Jackson ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:26:13 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ewlcome
ELI_Tripping ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 18:05:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You can do two of those three for free.
ComebacKids ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 18:50:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lawyers cost money, gyms cost money. Am I missing something here or do other countries offer lawyers/gym services for free?
Kelpsie ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 19:38:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Public defenders, and literally punching a gym building.
Madness_Reigns ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:52:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You can't hire a public defender to be your lawyer on retainer, one has to be assigned to you in a criminal case and only if your income qualifies.
outofplace_2015 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:30:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You can do pushups and crunches for free.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:21:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah but then I don't have an excuse for not exercising.
Send_Me__Corgi_Gifs ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:54:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Public defenders
Pumpsnhose ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:22:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm surprised it took me this long to find this response. My answer would be "buy all social media and shut it down. Watch world burn."
KernelTaint ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:01:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Watch new ones spring up.
mollekake_reddit ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 19:33:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Facebook, hire the gym, hit a lawyer.
Matsugo315 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:53:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy facebook to delete it, buy the lawyer firm, and buy the gym and have them train you.
KevinBelo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:30:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you going to the gym to impress a woman, because with a trillion dollars I don't think that would be entirely necessary.
Math_Blaster_ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:30:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You go to the gym for gains duh
GamingIsFast ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:13:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hit the gym? you can own the fucking gym.
xKetjow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:10:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/relationships in a nutshell
YamahaRN ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:16:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How about
weedful_things ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:18:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably a good idea to do this anyway.
Admiringcone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:00:13 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy facebook - Delete facebook.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:03:30 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire facebook, hit the lawyer and delete the gym.
Tweakthetiny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:50:25 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No you have to hire Facebook, hit a lawyer and delete the gym.
deadcomefebruary ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 00:18:34 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Delete the gym, hire facebook, hit the lawyer
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 00:46:56 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Delete a gym, hit a lawyer, hire Facebook.
The_Immoral_God ยท 3163 points ยท Posted at 11:38:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to the casino and put it all on red
998999998999 ยท 2435 points ยท Posted at 16:07:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
as a casino goer, this comment gave me anxiety
KingTwix ยท 591 points ยท Posted at 17:02:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If someone were to put 1 trillion on red, what would happen?
buttery_shame_cave ยท 1489 points ยท Posted at 17:24:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
the casino would refuse to allow the bet. they would have no way to cover a
21:1 payout. (1:1 means you double your money on a win, which is what i was thinking of)omegawarrior3 ยท 703 points ยท Posted at 18:43:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll take the casino please.
buttery_shame_cave ยท 452 points ยท Posted at 18:47:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'one casino please!'
Flexible014 ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 18:57:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you made my minute. ยฉ Flexible 2017-2017 (Note that you can't say or write "you made my minute." if you do so, your casino will be taken away from you)
Davidskis21 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:03:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm gonna start saying this, this is perfect for Reddit
Flexible014 ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 19:20:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You can't, it's copyrighted.... edits last comment
Davidskis21 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:40:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait a second...
tejmin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:29:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Too bad reddit owns it, so neither can you!
SituationCornflakes ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:51:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"One crack rock please?"
buttery_shame_cave ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 19:56:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
now that i think about it... how big of a crack rock could you buy with a billion dollars? assume wholesale rate.
TreeLove520 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:06:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A kilo of cocaine is roughly $15,000.
1 trillionรท15,000= ~66,666,666.6 kilograms of cocaine.
end_all_be_all ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:16:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Truely one can define there wealth when one counts there kilograms in legendary 4chan post numbers
buttery_shame_cave ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:02:15 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
well okay so we know the snow-pile that's great but i wanna know how big the crack rock is.
TreeLove520 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:34:03 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd say roughly 133,333,333.3 kilograms, since crack dealers tend to use a 50/50 cocaine:baking soda ratio when rocking up their cocaine.
Multiple edits because math is hard.
karmagirl314 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:28:19 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Remind me! 2 hours.
Trev_Holland ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:36:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I already have 27 casinos in my casino account.
SwearWordInUsername ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:16:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And then put the casino on red. Can you sell a casino to itself? The ultimate question.
buttery_shame_cave ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:25:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
to be frank, buying a casino seems like a really smart way to gamble. i mean, every hour, someone's gonna win a million dollars. most of the time it'll be the casino.
blue_alien_police ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:15:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read this in Homer Simpsons' voice. :)
buttery_shame_cave ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:02:29 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
why not zoidberg?
blue_alien_police ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:05:21 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Annnnd I just read that in Zoidberg's voice.
buttery_shame_cave ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:11:33 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
keep going...
blue_alien_police ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:04:08 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And back to Homer now. Thanks. haha!
TrumpTrainMechanic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:32:03 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What an excellent impersonation of a stupid poor person.
EvanTheNewbie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:07:59 on March 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hold the onions
runninggun44 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:50:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The casino still isn't worth 2 Trillion, you could only bet as much as half the value
HenkBatsbef ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:32:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And put the casino on red
EdgarTheBrave ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:34:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Most countries couldn't afford such a pay out.
Damn_Croissant ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:27:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Even the US wouldn't WANT to cover that. 50% risk of losing 1/17 of your GDP.
EdgarTheBrave ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:19:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
25% of the government budget, and it would be the government that have to foot the bill considering they can't force companies or people to pay for it out of their own money.
Their country would struggle immensely if they had to give $1 trillion away to a gambler.
CJB95 ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 18:11:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But would they refuse before or after the bet? From what I hear about casinos they'd likely allow it but if you won refuse to honor it but if you lost take it all.
buttery_shame_cave ยท 56 points ยท Posted at 18:21:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
most tables have a maximum bet limit - they'd refuse to allow the bet.
i mean, even a casino is not going to be able to handle a transfer of a trillion dollars. banks can barely handle billion dollar transfers.
fdar ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 18:44:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You probably wouldn't even get as far as trying to place the bet.
How are you going to get a trillion in chips?
buttery_shame_cave ยท 50 points ยท Posted at 18:47:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
my mental picture is that they give you one giant chip the size of a wagon wheel.
kind of like coins in that one polynesian country.
Corn0ffTheCob ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:56:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If my chip covers the whole roulette board, I win on everything, right?
wranglingmonkies ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:31:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you talking about the rocks they use as currency? The Rai Stones
buttery_shame_cave ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:06:26 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yeah, those puppies.
Tenaciousdeeds ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:55:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This shit right here is why I Reddit.
kbaut1readsEULA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:08:45 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or Mr. Krabs' dime.
Gacode ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:53:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just walk to the table and tell them I got Trillion dollars... They will believe me of course, cause we are human being.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:12:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
buttery_shame_cave ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:21:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
there's not enough paper currency in the world to cover more than a few billion of that.
and nobody walks into a casino with even a million in cash.
honestly, i'd be surprised if a lot of really big high rollers even transfer cash at the start - the casino will happily give a billionaire a line of credit for a few million if he can prove he can transfer the cash to pay up.
(honestly, most people worth 100 million or more don't even pay out of pocket for stuff, they run 100% on credit with their assets tied up in trust.)
fixerofbigrigs ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 18:27:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They'd not take the bet. They likely wouldn't take a billion dollar bet either. But they would take a million dollar bet a million times.
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 18:38:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For some reason this is the craziest explanation of the amount of money that a trillion dollar is to me. I might never make 1 million dollars in my lifetime, and I'd have to multiply that by a million to have a trillion. Wild stuff
GourdGuard ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 18:46:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You probably will make more than a million dollars, especially if you went to college.
bb999 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:05:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
By the time we are old a million dollars won't be so exotic anymore due to inflation. Plenty of people will be millionaires. You probably will if you save up for retirement properly.
Nokia_Bricks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:17:00 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He isn't talking about being a millionaire. He is talking about making a million dollars in total income over your lifetime.
Tu_mama_me_ama_mucho ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:53:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You don't need to go to college to make a million dollars, 50k a year for 20 years, I have 12 to make my first.
takethislonging ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:30:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
that's why he said especially
rmslashusr ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:04:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are we counting money you never saw since it went straight to Uncle Sam as being made?
GourdGuard ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:46:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Of course. You still earned that money.
runninggun44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:27:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yup, just like we're counting all that money that you never saw because it direct deposited to your bank just a few days before auto-paying back out of your bank to cover rent, water, electricity, gas, internet, cellphone, and all the other stuff you're not-technically-required-to-have-but-definitely-do-anyways
rmslashusr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:46:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair, all those things are way more optional than paying taxes.
But my point was not to complain about taxes but point out that when it comes to "making a million dollars over X amount of time" take home pay vs not take home pay makes a huge difference and has vastly different meaning in actual wealth especially when you consider someone might be positioned far more tax advantageously and thus "make" less money but take home a greater amount by making their money via investments etc.
For example, someone making a regular salary of 100,000 will make 1 million in 10 years by this definition and will take home 760k.
Someone making 100k a year on investments with no othe rincome will make 1 million in 10 years by this definition but will take home 923k
runninggun44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:12:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I understand what you're saying, and I agree, I just wanted to add that I think the same thing happens with cost-of-living as it does with taxes. Someone who lives in NYC or LA will spend so much more of their income on rent than someone in the rural midwest, so while they might 'make their first million' faster, they spent all of it so quickly that they ultimately have less wealth.
Damn_Croissant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:26:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's not even counting compound interest.
JasperTheRealMVP ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:04:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'We'd like to disagree offer you our finest steak, sir'
buttery_shame_cave ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:11:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
casino owners aren't stupid. they'd bid high and then take that and just start a competing casino to drive you under.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:09:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
buttery_shame_cave ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:12:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
which, still, someone lands one of those chips on say, 18 and nails that puppy... they're walking away pretty happy.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
buttery_shame_cave ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:24:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
out of curiosity, what's the max before you legally need to fill out the forms for tax purposes? i hear for small amounts it's a 'you should but you don't have to' kinda deal but i dunno what the dividing line is.
bad-coffee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:15:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
AFAIK, table games (blackjack, roulette, craps) you don't have to fill out a W2-G for the IRS. The casinos usually want you to for their bean counters, though.
I've won $1200-$1800 in a single sitting, and the pit boss smiled and said. "Remember to pay your taxes on that!"
buttery_shame_cave ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:24:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
and here i thought you'd have to fill out the forms when you cash out. i've doubted a lot of casinos will hand you a stack of money when you go over a thousand bucks.
southernmayd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:52:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
http://imgur.com/a/91PLr
I hit this parlay on my bachelor party last year and the cashier just said 'congrats, nice hit', handed me the cash from that and the couple other bets I hit on. High anxiety for a short while until I could put most of it in the hotel safe.
DieselGames ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldn't be so fast to say that. Sure the casino can't pay the bet but the expected value of the bet is $500b. Legally I'm sure they wouldn't be allowed to take the bet, but financially it might be the best option for the casino.
gaviidae ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:14:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The casino only makes money when it lands on green. This requires lots of spins to guarantee you'll get the money from greens. One spin is just gambling your money. Casinos, ironically, don't gamble.
DieselGames ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:19:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The inside bets normally pay 35-1 when there are 37 or 38 numbers on the wheel so they have an inherent advantage there as well.
It can actually be a complex question if you wanted it to be. You're looking at an expected value of well over 100 years net income for big casinos with only the value of the casino + parent company at stake. It's like buying a lotto ticket at a 99% discount.
And even with that, the casino could "easily" hedge a lot of the risk. Hell if they did this the bet would likely only be a small part of the financial wheel.
buttery_shame_cave ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yeah but casinos are in the 'making money' business. that's too much money on too much bettor advantage.
DieselGames ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:06:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Depends. The Casino would have the advantage in playing "cheap". They can only wager the business assets which, even with a large parent company, would be valued far far below the ~$500b expected value of the bet.
If the goal of the business is to stay in business then absolutely the bet is foolish. But if the goal of the company is to make money then you might want to take the bet.
edit: the expected value is higher than $500b for the casino because of the green spaces as well**
CWSwapigans ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:45:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you wanted to bet a trilly on roulette at the casino you could do it for sure. It would just take them several months most likely to get it set up. They'd just sell off most of the action to other entities (like large reinsurance companies) in exchange for a small percentage of the stake.
buttery_shame_cave ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:48:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
kinda similar to housing bond derivatives, your trillion dollar bet could generate hundreds of trillions in financial action.
Jaywebbs90 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:46:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Depends on the casino. ive seen some places where thats a 1:1 payout.
buttery_shame_cave ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:47:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
that's actually what i meant. i should go in and edit that.
TrainAss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The foreign investors..."
brupper_2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:02:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TO LATE! HAHAA YOU OWE ME 1 TRILL FUCKAAA
MrNudeGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:40:30 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The assets and money in that casino alone is probably only work like .01% of what you now have. It would be pointless.
jamespotter22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:02:56 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They can't refuse if you own it...
Aeceus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not sure if you don't understand odds, or roulette but why would they need to cover 2:1 payout when its just a 1:1 payout.
buttery_shame_cave ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 18:07:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
because the 1:1 payout means you get back your bet plus a matching amount.
effectively a doubling of your money. i worded that wrong, sorry.
Aeceus ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:20:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes I know that, but its not 2:1. They just need to match your bet they don't need 2 trillion just 1. I'm sure a payday loan team will sort them out for 1 trill!
coredumperror ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:28:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1 of the 2 trillion they need to pay out is the 1 trillion that you put on the table. Once you place that bet, it's the casino's money, not yours. That's why it's 2:1.
Aeceus ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:22:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What the fuck are you on about. Roulette red and black is a 1:1 bet. Whatever you bet they return it with an equal amount. If he bets 1 trillion and wins they pay over 1 trillion of their money. He ends up with 2 trillion. The odds are 1:1 please use maths and Google.
SanguinePar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:54:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're right. It's even money, or 1/1. Possibly confusing things is that using digital rather than fractional oddsโ it would be 2.0, which means the same thing but looks like more.
coredumperror ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:59:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Guess it depends on your terminology. I've always worked under the idea that winning say, a 6:1 bet on $100 pays you $600. i.e. You lose $100 to make the bet, then gain $600 if you win. You seem to be working with the idea that winning a 6:1 bet earns you $500 and you get to keep your bet. I've never thought of it like that, because you don't get hold on to your money while the outcome of the wager is being determined (e.g. a sports bet that will take several hours or more to determine).
Under that terminology, a 1:1 bet would be pointless, because winning the bet would pay you back exactly how much money you bet, leaving you with 0 winnings, while losing would take all your money.
bad-coffee ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:20:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's the difference between 1for 1, or 1 to 1. In the US roulette pays 1 TO 1.
Craps (called bets) pays * FOR 1. (* payout changes, depending on the bet.)
coredumperror ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:50:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ohhh, I didn't realize there even was different meaning between those two.
fixerofbigrigs ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:28:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A casino needs enough money to cover every bet made at any given moment in time, not just your bet only.
Cavhind ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:54:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Right, so adding the amount they need to cover other bets to the trillion they need to cover yours makes ... about a trillion dollars.
I_Am_Jacks_Scrotum ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:30:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hooray for rounding large numbers!
Toxicitor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:34:41 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
3 sig figs
Aeceus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:50:26 on March 11, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thats not the question the question is what are the odds of a red black bet which are 1:1 not 2:1 stop adding unnecessary shit.
SpTheGho5t ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:18:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1:1
buttery_shame_cave ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:22:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yeah, i misworded that. you double your money on the win.
GiggityGiggidy ยท 129 points ยท Posted at 17:53:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The dealer would point to the "Maximum Bet" sign and would take whatever amount that is away from the 1 trillion if a black or green number hit, or they would pay out that maximum bet amount if a red number hit.
Aoloach ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:15:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So you just put the maximum bet amount on red over and over until you have 2 trillion, or nothing.
Math_Blaster_ ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:26:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just buy the casino
FatCat433 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:20:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the casino, put 500 billion in its bank. Go in and bet 500 billion on red, if you win, you go down in history as someone who won 500 billion in a casino and bankrupted it. If you lose, you go down in history as the owner of the casino that had a 500 billion dollar profit last year.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:14:42 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
oh God the taxes either way
blackburn009 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:51:54 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Be European, do the same thing, don't pay taxes
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 17:19:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
People would have seizures.
crikey- ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:22:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You would turn the casino into the gambler.
KingTwix ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:25:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like this response the most The tables have turned
wretcheddawn ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:11:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sure there's a maximum bet.
failingpig ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:06:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's not that they would refuse the bet, but most table game's have a maximum bet. The roulette table at the casino i work at has a maximum of $2500. Then blackjack and the other games have a max of 10 grand.
Jumbobie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:22:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They wouldn't let you put that much on it to begin with. There are stories of people getting kicked out because they've been winning too much.
Chillbro_Yolo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:11:52 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Roulette wheels have min /max bets. The most you'd be able to bet is 1k per spot. You could request a roulette wheel opened in high limit if that casino had one (doubtful), or ask to make that wheel private for you and up the limit. With that kind of money, I'm sure they'd let you. No way you're getting anywhere over 30k before they decide to ask you to leave.
slickricflair ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There is an upper limit on bets.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:07:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You'd double your money, that's what would happen.
drewsoft ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It would probably shatter the Roulette table due to weight
Mohayat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:16:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
dramatic pause Hey Vsauce, Michael here..
DeputyDomeshot ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:58:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
as a degenerate gambler, my dick hard aF at the thought
sudo_scientific ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
as a lover of symmetry, your username gave me anxiety
GameWinner5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As someone with OCD, your username gave me anxiety
Send_Me_Questions ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:14:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Even better, put half a trillion on red half a trillion on black, bankrupt the casino while still having all your money!
blundermine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It would even give a casino anxiety. It's basically bankruptcy Russian roulette. But with real roulette.
thebornotaku ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:31:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put it all on 00.
mdog0206 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:42:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ha... Casino goer?
timemeg ยท 333 points ยท Posted at 11:42:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Always bet on black
Jr79 ยท 1498 points ยท Posted at 16:26:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's boxing...
Adog311 ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 17:44:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, that's the NBA.
Aliquis95 ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 18:37:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, this is Patrick.
zombiegamer101 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:04:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And my axe!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:15:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To shreds you say?
anormalgeek ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:09:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Broken arms you say?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:31:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
every thread you say?
[deleted] ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 20:13:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No that's the 2008 presidential race
kingeryck ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:53:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
WESLEY SNIPES
InthegrOTTO87 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 16:44:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Snort...
Upvote for you
page395 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:23:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Made me laugh out loud in class
Jeff-FaFa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:10:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wish I could guild you 50 times, but you know... I'm very broke.
PresidentDouchebag ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:40:37 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George Carlin had a brilliant bit on always betting on the boxer belonging to the lower socio-economic class.
Generic_AZN ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:42:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Roy Jones Jr. ... *swoon*
RoastMeAtWork ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My boy Joe said he wants a word.
2legittoquit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Goddamn. That's a good joke.
Shadowstar00 ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 18:31:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
thats racist!
[deleted] ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 17:00:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
bakihanma21 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:21:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
More race-ish.
jormono ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:54:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Split the difference, half on red and half on black.
v_acat_v ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
until it hits green
When_Ducks_Attack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:47:12 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude's got a trillion bucks. Let him live a little.
Wunder_Bred ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i feel like a family guy reference was missed here.
TheBabySphee ยท 199 points ยท Posted at 15:40:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
nah pussy double green
TheOpticsGuy ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 18:59:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That would be a pay out of 35 trillion dollars
heartbeats ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:21:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sum total of the wealth of all people in the world is ~241 trillion. That's essentially 15 percent of the entire wealth of everyone in the world, in one payout.
FrozenSquirrel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:00:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You don't play much roulette, do you?
dudeguymanthesecond ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 18:38:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you're playing roulette you're there to lose money.
YourMatt ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:56:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just really enjoy the game, but yeah, I expect to lose my money.
D3ADRA_UDD3R5 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:33:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He just knows where the big money is at.
jykeous ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 17:23:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think a casino would even let you bet this much. I doubt they even have half that on hand.
VERTIKAL19 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:03:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Half of that would be roughly the GDP of Belgium so probably not
OptimalPandemic ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 18:47:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No casino has anywhere near $500 billion on hand, except the National Casino of Zimbabwe.
helisexual ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:35:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No casino in the world has $500 Billion cash.
Trugix ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 16:02:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you win you would destroy the
worlduniverse economyidejtauren ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:24:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The fortress on 23
Zarlem ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:35:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You now have $0.
cyborgerian ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:04:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why not green? 14 trillion, then pay US debt
Chemical_Scum ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:26:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, just buy the casinos (yes, all of them). You'll double your money in no time
King_Joffreys_Tits ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:12:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But $1 trillion is already such a huge amount that you wouldn't be able to spend... why would you want $2 trillion
Makonar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:38:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put half on red and half on black - make it interesting.
mfb- ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:30:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I guess the casino would accept that.
bathtub_seizure ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:30:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
(Goes to casino for the first time.) (Loses.) (Buys the casino.)
Mister_Moustache_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:40:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Classic zoidberg
Jim_Nills_Mustache ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just as an aside for anyone who may not know, you don't even get a 50/50 chance, the casino can't even give you that, hence the green 0 and 00.
VERTIKAL19 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am sure you will not find a casino that will let you do that.
wraithscelus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:17:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put half on red, half on black! BOOM! No way to lose.
mfb- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
0
jbiird250 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Lands on Green!"
captaincheeseburger1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stimulating the economy
jt3611 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just did this on my birthday. Hit the casino for lunch and decided "eh, why not put something on red, fuck it". My co-worker, for shits and giggles, put 20 on black. We laughed and said it would be funny if it hit green. Sure as shit it hit double zeros. I wasn't even mad, I laughed the rest of the day.
jaybestnz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:19:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is so stupid, you buy the casino, and all the other idiots that believe they have a 50:50 chance of winning when it is actually stacked slightly in your favor, then pay you every time they lose.
Math_Blaster_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:24:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would, could a casino even allow that bet?
Totts9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:56:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wonder what chip they would give you to represent the 1 trillion...
darybrain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:24:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hasn't Wesley Snipes taught you anything? Always bet on black!
sasskuatch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:45:54 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think going to the casino would have lost its appeal.
Tweakthetiny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:52:08 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put the maximum bet on 13 consistently until it hits. You'll still have 12 figures in your bank account
Tweakthetiny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:53:31 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Unless you rolled a 1 in luck at birth. Even then the odds are incredibly impossible to lose the 900 billion it would take to drop you down to 11 figures
theskepticalsquid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:52:32 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey big lobster!
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:51:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Toxicitor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:37:29 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ok, fine, I give u/toxicitor a trillion dollars. And just to show what a dick he's being, I give it all to him a 1$ bill at a time.
airwalkerdnbmusic ยท -23 points ยท Posted at 12:40:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol No single casino in the world would take that wager.
[deleted] ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 14:41:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
DankWizardry ยท -8 points ยท Posted at 15:24:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You seem like an asshole
VTCHannibal ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 15:32:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You seem like a wizard
airwalkerdnbmusic ยท -25 points ยท Posted at 12:40:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol No single casino in the world would take that wager.
zmanofkool ยท 4526 points ยท Posted at 14:23:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my student loans and then with the rest maybe get a loaded griller at Taco Bell.
guardsanswer ยท 1288 points ยท Posted at 16:06:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The loaded grillers are only $1 during happier hour though. You're going to have to plan your day accordingly
oh_look_a_fist ยท 863 points ยท Posted at 16:39:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 loaded grillers!
mattmaster68 ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 16:53:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The loaded grillers are only $1 during happier hour though. You're going to have to plan your day accordingly
Sir_Dubblechins_III ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 17:15:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
3 loaded grillers!
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 17:19:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The loaded grillers are only $1 during happier hour though. You're going to have to plan your day accordingly
Z3R0-0 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 18:32:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1,000,000,000,000 loaded grillers!
PM_ME_SOCCER_BALLS ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 18:33:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well if you pay off student loans first let's be on the safe side and go back to one loaded griller.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:54:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But they're 50% off on top of happier hour!
jchabotte ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:55:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 loaded grillers.
TehOncomingStorm ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:48:05 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah. I think everyone missed the joke here. lol
guitarromantic ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:42:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This escalated quickly.
Heavenansidhe ยท -10 points ยท Posted at 17:19:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The loadrd grillers are C-C-COMBO BREAKER
Hatgoose ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:17:01 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wha?
Levitus01 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:36:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Calm down there, Mister Gates.
spingus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:54:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I guess your student loan is smaller than mine :(
ProlixTST ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:46:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/madlads
SDMF91 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:32:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
whoa there rich guy
Kufat ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:31:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are some locations still doing the $1 grillers during happier hour? All of the ones I've seen have scaled it back to beverages only.
guardsanswer ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:06:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
These are troubling times in the kingdom
MandalorianBobaTea ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:31:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not anymore
crunchtaco ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:08:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's not a thing anymore dude I wish though
clearlyoutofhismind ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:26:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He could buy a supersonic jet and have one 3 meals a day around the world.
Radioactive24 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:48:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, uh, I'd like 6,000 chicken fajitas, please.
ImanShumpertplus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:20:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whoa where is this happy hour going on? I thought they changed them
thingsok ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:22:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They're not included in the happier hour by me :( only the drinks
BombTheCity ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:08:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wish I lived in the dream you live in with $1 grillers during happy hour. R.I.P :(
Jainith ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:42:14 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Hello I would like to order 1 Loaded Griller for everyone on the Planet."
*Thinks that should keep them busy for a while....is wrong.
SomaliRection ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go when it is not happier hour. Treat yo self, you're a trillionaire.
jcb088 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 18:16:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like between paying your loan online and heading up the street to taco bell to get that griller would be your moment of breathing. Part of it would be letting go of every financial concern you've ever had (and ever will have) and the other part would be accepting whats happened. It'd be such a quiet and mundane moment, with nothing exciting going on and yet, at the same time, it'd be very surreal.
Dreaming is fun but ruling that moment out is dangerous. Don't limit yourselves guys.
BlessedBack ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:30:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With $1 trillion i would probably be contemplating my first steps into ruling the world.
wheatfields ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:50:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe pay off everyones student loans? You could not only resolve our generations debt, but you would fuck over the system and the people running the system who ultimately make more money when our whole generation is still in debt. No extra money from interest adding up, who collection agencies go out of business, hell the whole debt market goes down the shit hole. And you can laugh while driving around your new sports car.
K-Matt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:27:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Literally in a taco Bell line waiting on my 2 loaded grillers right now
thefreeman419 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:59:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why stop with yours. You could pay off like, all the students loans
ulyssessword ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:27:49 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
An old farmer was being interviewed after winning a million dollars from the lottery.
Interviewer: So, what are you going to do with the money?
Farmer: Oh, maybe buy a new tractor, pay off some of my debts.
Interviewer: What about the rest?
Farmer: They'll just have to wait.
MrNudeGuy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:44:32 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh yeah this reminds me. I'd probably just get fat. If I could afford to eat out. like fuck traveling and owning shit, i'd be sampling every restaurant in my city.
bluedragon912 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:09:16 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I honestly think 591,715,976,331.361 Beefy Nacho Grillers sounds like a fuckin plan.
Supanini ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:04:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The baked potato ones are unmatched.
NukeML ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:20:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or just buy the whole Taco Bell chain.
SwearWordInUsername ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:17:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or you could just not pay off your student loans and say fuck you to the establishment. With that much money going in debt wouldn't limit your ability to do anything.
mast3quila ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:39:28 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Omg, my soulmate is out there.
Qui-Gon-Whiskey ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:36:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hell, you could pay off everyone's student loans with that much money.
[deleted] ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 16:45:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
...whoosh?
Qui-Gon-Whiskey ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 16:46:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He edited it since you read it. Originally it only said he would pay off his student loans.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:58:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ehm... you can tell when a comment has been edited - it'll show a *. So no, this comment hasn't been edited, at least not between the time you and I read it.
You just seem to have missed the obvious joke.
sg7791 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:40:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's a period of time when you can edit without the * showing up. I think it's a minute. If you ever see people talking about ninja edits, that's what they're referring to.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:56:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I get that. What this guy is saying is that between when he read it and I, OP had edited their comment. Given that OP's comment was 2 hours old at the time of my writing, and I responded about 15 minutes after this guy, that just doesn't add up.
This really is starting to get bigger than it deserves to be, haha.
brycedriesenga ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:37:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The conspiracy must go deeper.
meet_the_turtle ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:48:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Huh? It says "my student loans".
gregbard ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:51:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
?!?! What consequence could you possibly suffer if you refused to pay off your student loans??
If everyone would just refuse to pay off their student loans, we would make some progress in tuition reform. Here you are screwing it up for everyone else for no reason.
You should be spending that money on a campaign to encourage everyone to refuse to pay their student loans.
deathofyouandme ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:45:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think most people enjoy having a non-zero credit rating, so they're going to keep paying their student loans.
gregbard ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:48:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you have a trillion dollars, you have no excuse. The idea that this would be the first thing to pay off is lunacy.
no_ugly_candles ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:27:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah I agree, you would have so much cash buying power your credit would mean very little if you weren't planning on buying a skyscraper or something. Fuck the government I wouldn't pay either. Or I would pay in so much change they would be forced to hire people just to sort out my money. Oh and I'd throw like, 10k worth of European coins or pesos or whatever just to make sure they did it right.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:58:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
gregbard ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 18:06:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You have 1 trillion dollars. You don't need credit. How clueless can you be? It reminds me of something out of Dumb and Dumber.
TotallyBelievesYou ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 18:37:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eheheg there is the student loans circlejerk! Pack it up boys.
noob_almost ยท 1924 points ยท Posted at 11:35:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put arrangements in place for my loved ones and snort cocaine off a hooker in the ISS before coming back to earth with a kind of inverted bucket list, by which I mean see how much crazy shit I can do before it kills me.
larik47 ยท 1159 points ยท Posted at 14:49:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Read that as "put arrangements in place for my loved ones to snort cocaine off a hooker in the ISS" and marvelled at your oddly specific generosity.
321232 ยท 209 points ยท Posted at 17:53:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
hello its me, your loved ones.
pwnz0rd ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:42:46 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
hey yea so i know we have a tough history with that whole me pwning noobs all the time thing but i am family and i think i deserve an ISS trip
M8asonmiller ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:39:20 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shit with a trillion dollars I'd prolly start fulfilling random strangers' dreams too. Why not.
[deleted] ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 17:23:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My family would be all about that shit.
502000 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:02:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Replace cocaine with meth and my family would be
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:06:17 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My family has no clear preference beyond "available".
Qaeta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:21:37 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
hell, you could even leave out the cocaine for me!
SkuloftheLEECH ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 18:29:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"My daughter's going to have such a great time"
Will_Post_4_Gold ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 18:56:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude forget that, we have an Armageddon situation here. Do you find an astronaut who is willing to be a prostitute or do you get a prostitute and train her to be an astronaut? "Looking for blond, DD, must have PhD. and knowledge of ISS docking procedures both literally and metaphorically."
larik47 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 19:04:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, the old PhDoubleD ;)
ganlet20 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:39:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pornhub already looked into the logistics and they decided to go with train pornstars for space rather than get a flight ready astronaut to be in the porno.
CMDRKhyras ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 18:05:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can confirm I also did this.
Didn't even re-read it first...Just moved on read your comment and then read back up and snorted through my nose a little.
cranialflux ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:20:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And I read your confirmation as an admission to making arrangements for your loved ones to snort cocaine off hookers in the ISS.
CFSparta92 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:39:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"We have to go, it's in the will!"
Dr_puffnsmoke ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:45:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read ISS as ISIS at first and was confused and impressed by balls of that dream.
JaFFsTer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:13:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You'd have to develop a new coke that would stay on a hookers ass in zero gravity
Aoloach ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:26:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read it the same way as you, but I read ISIS instead of ISS.
Fastllama13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:41:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey Granny, I got you a surprise today!
thewalex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:50:52 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If any of my relatives set aside funding on the stipulation that it be used for exactly that purpose, I don't think I could even be mad. I'd just chuckle and say, "Uncle Paul, you were always one crazy motherfucker, even after you found Jesus. Rest in peace."
Jainith ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:24 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In order to inherit the remainder of my cash you must complete the
se 3remainder of mybucketlist.If my idea was crazy enough to kill me, its only fair that it kill a few more claimants in the process.
LewHammer ยท 104 points ยท Posted at 17:05:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Snorting cocaine in zero gravity would be difficult. It would disperse and possibly ruin equipment. You could cause a lot of damage.
My_Pen_is_out_of_Ink ยท 137 points ยท Posted at 17:35:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The fuck do I care? I earn more interest signing the bills to repair it than the repairs would cost.
GreatCanadianWookiee ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 17:51:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Who cares? The entire station only costs 150 billion USD, he could just build another one.
beardingmesoftly ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 18:54:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why stop there? Build an armada!
Mammal-k ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 20:43:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build a wall around the earth and enjoy Mars to yourself.
dragn99 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:46:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can I just add some parts to Canada's space arm? Like a torso. And some legs.
...and another arm?
And then make a space pod that acts as the head?
GameOfThrowsnz ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 19:22:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sure with a trillion dollars they could come up with some sort of inhaler.
Evilsmurfkiller ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:29:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just prepackage it in little tubes with a fine filter on one end to allow airflow.
Dookie_boy ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:17:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The gravity from my billions would make it happen
MagFrag5891 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:15:32 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks, Chris Hadfield!
PointyOintment ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:52:16 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Add a bit of pectin or gelatin so it sticks together until snorted?
ThatSpaceyGamer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:39 on April 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/nocontext
phunkydroid ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 18:04:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That could be problematic in orbit.
"Start the engines, I need a little artificial g to hold this coke on this hooker's ass"
otterfish ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 17:07:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How are you going to get the cocaine to stay on the hooker?
noob_almost ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 18:15:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Since money lets you get away with breaking laws, I'm banking on a trillion letting me flout the law of gravity.
ThatFlyingWaffle ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:21:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He would snort space-cocaine, duh
debian_ ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:50:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get you a thicc one and let newton do his thing.
rreighe2 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:16:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait arrangements? Youre gonna kill your family? Ouch
PopCherries ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:13:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read this as "snort cocaine off a hooker in the ISIS" and was curious about these new ISIS hookers.
ItsMacAttack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:28:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ISIS hookers? Dude, they'd never pay livestock or young boys for sex...
exg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:25:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I believe this was the core plot of Contact.
randarrow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:25:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I don't think that would work. Either the cocaine would drift off of the hooker, or she is so greasy the coca in would be in chunks which stuck to her. You could lick it off of her I guess.
Perhaps if she is dry and clean you could have a cocaine motorboat where the cocaine drifts off of her boobs into the air and then you inhale the dust. Or she runs through the ISS and you chase after her snorting little puts off cocaine she leave behind. Or, I guess you could just huff the bag....
Maybe cocaine in paste form?
flat_erdrick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:52:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you can do 66% of that for waaaay less than $1Tn
Davidskis21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:07:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ya let's be real, id end up killing myself within a few years
ItsMacAttack ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:26:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
*weeks probably for myself.
mortiphago ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:54:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
in the ISS? cool guys go to the moon and back.
rmphys ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:57:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is a beautiful sentiment!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:16:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My I suggest hiring some sort of psychologist to figure out why this is what you would do with your life? Because fuck.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:33:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wouldnt the coke just float around when you're in space?
alexeye ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:34:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I originally read
squiznard ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:29:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wouldn't the cocaine be affected by the lack of gravity? It would be hard to keep it in a line and on the hookers ass without it floating all over the place
madsci ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:49:33 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your hooker just needs a good electrostatic charge to hold the cocaine.
Also, this is a trillion dollars we're talking about. No need to confine yourself to a line. Fill the BEAM module with coke, charge up the hooker to about 100 kV with a Van de Graaff generator, and pick a spot to snort.
RadicalPoopParticle ยท 878 points ยท Posted at 11:20:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Trying to figure out a way to keep some of it. There has obviously been a mistake, so I would assume it would be corrected within 24hrs.
Anybody got any pointers on how to move about large sums of money very quickly?
I suppose you'd want to bounce it from account to account, preferably among different banks in different countries to make it a giant legal hassle to trace it.
You'd probably have to do this with quite small amounts though, pretty sure they'll get all sorts of warnings if you try to move millions at once.
But then what? Purchase Bitcoin?
...or just put it all into Bitcoin right away and just disappear?
Well, TIL that I would suck at money laundering...
El_Barto_227 ยท 632 points ยท Posted at 12:06:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a laundromat and tint the windows. Ez.
CJB95 ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 18:13:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You joke but I remember in a movie they were laundering money so they threw it into a dryer with a bunch of poker chips. (I think it was a Lethal Weapon)
GeorgiaOKeefinItReal ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:26:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
that sounds like lethal weapon 4 with the triads
pizzabagel2468 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 18:58:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah I'll just buy a car wash. Worked for Walter White...
pspetrini ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:36:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone knows a car wash is a better place to launder money through.
iamnotnotarobot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:22:52 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Laundromats are trashy. A nice car wash is where it's at.
ahoogen ยท 391 points ยท Posted at 14:57:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That actually happened to a friend of mine... Got a bank letter saying his deposit of 8 billion dollars was being held for 72 hours. It was, as you suggested, a bank error.
Mithorium ยท 301 points ยท Posted at 16:25:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hope it was being held for 72 hours in an interest bearing account before it was corrected
[deleted] ยท 288 points ยท Posted at 17:24:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It certainly was, just not his interest-bearing account.
duhcartmahn2 ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 18:51:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean at 0.06% interest annually, 72 hours would be ~$40k if I did my math right.
240revolting ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 21:14:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
$39452.05
PointyOintment ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:55:20 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't know interest rates were that low these days.
Edit: I was making a joke, but I checked, and that wasn't a mistake! According to CNN, as of October 2013, the US average savings interest rate was 0.06%. Not 6% (0.06). 0.06%! Sixty cents a year on every thousand dollars you have in the bank!
(Go ahead. Try to /r/unexpectedfactorial me. That's not an integer.)
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 07:06:22 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Suddenly I'm realising why all the people earlier were saying savings accounts were pointless.
In my country the interest rate goes from about 3 - 6%
blackburn009 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:53:01 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Factorials of non integers exist depending on your application, just saying
The Gamma function is used in this case so that you don't end up with errors
CatoGuillimaniscanon ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 17:42:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Phew, almost thought he accidentally put his 8 billion in the bank.
Of course, the most secure way to save that kind of money is store it in your mattress.
Xheotris ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 19:10:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's a big mattress.
jeffh4 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:29:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sadly, the IRS never got the second note so your buddy is doing 2,452,725 years to life in Leavenworth.
I'd love to see a scan of that bank letter!
[deleted] ยท 141 points ยท Posted at 15:59:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bitcoins aren't really anonymous. In fact, the bitcoin system works with a public ledger. It would be easy enough to trace. The only anonymous part is that you don't know which wallet belongs to who , but I think that should be easy to pinpoint when you follow the money in and out.
[deleted] ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 17:31:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Champion01 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 17:58:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or even better, use Monero :). Problem solved, 100% anonymous
troub ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 19:13:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Money goes in AND out? No, man, just HODL!
GameOfThrowsnz ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 19:29:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is there even a trillion dollars in bitcoin to buy? Would buying so much lower or increase the value of bitcoin. I'd assume increase but what do i know?
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 20:06:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Increase when buying, decrease when selling
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:19:12 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, there's only like $20 billion of bitcoin, and if you bought it all it'd be worth nothing. That'd be a pretty terrible solution to that problem.
GMY0da ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:55:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Even using a mixer, a trillion of bitcoin is hard to hide
xopowo-cobaka ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:01:14 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What do you mean hard to hide, can't you just put it on a got damnt usb??
GMY0da ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:36:40 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sure, but you can still see who has it, or at least hunt them down
LevelSevenLaserLotus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:10:18 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Decoy USB
Best_Towel_EU ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:41 on April 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Every thread.
ethanbrecke ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:47:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thats why you buy small purchases of bitcoin, a couple hundred thousand per purchase spread out over a few hours.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:08:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hours? For trillions? It'll take days probably.
NickMc53 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 20:20:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If we assume he meant $200k every 3 hours then it would take over 1,700 YEARS.
If we assume he meant $200k purchases that equal a trillion dollars within 3 hours then that'd require about 463 purchases per second.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:27:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be honest, getting a trillion in bitcoin will most likely destroy the entire market.
NickMc53 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 20:33:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would imagine, but I thought the math was interesting because 1 trillion can be hard to conceptualize.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:36:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes I'm glad there are always people like you to help the rest of us conceptualising
PastaBlizzard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:33:21 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Which is why you use Moreno
jbs143 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 18:36:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Based on the replies to your question, either nobody else knows, or anybody who does is smart enough to not post how. I know that banking regulations are incredibly biased in favor of financial institutions, so they would legally have like 2 years to reverse those funds. I think your best bet would be a multitude of cashiers checks, but I feel like most bank managers would not issue those when they saw a recent $1 trillion deposit, as it is obviously some sort of mistake.
You could possibly convince them if you went into a branch and made a deal with the manager to write every employee there a $10 million cashiers check, provided they gave you yours first.
Also, you couldn't actually spend it all, since you would bankrupt even the largest financial institutions long before you got close to spending it, even if they did agree to give you cashiers checks.
RadicalPoopParticle ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:46:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh yeah, I know there's no way to keep it all. I was thinking more along the lines of taking a large enough share to never ever have to worry about money again and live extremely comfortable the rest of your life even when you pretty much just exiled yourself.
Let's say of the total amount you could hide away 100 million or so. That's only 1/10,000th of the total amount but still a ridiculous amount of money.
Where woukd you even begin? It's not like you can plan anything in advance, as it's just an unexpected banking error. So without prep work, and assuming you have about 24h before they find out and correct the mistake, how could you take a large chunk of money and succesfully make it disappear?
Macaroni_savior ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:58:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is a question that needs a real answer. Just in case, one day...
RadicalPoopParticle ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:03:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
AMA request: mob accountant / money launderer.
wordsworths_bitch ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 19:46:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
.01% annual interest on 1 trillion is 27,000 a day.
KJ6BWB ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:00:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ok, first of all there are companies who specialize in doing this sort of thing for their clients. So you don't try to figure out how to do this all yourself, you hire one of those companies. (This is where the Panama Papers came from, when one of those companies had their files leaked.) Right now the world leaders in this sort of thing can be found in London. No, not London proper, the City of London inside of London.
I sometimes wonder whether or not they had anything to do with Brexit -- if the EU wasn't curtailing some of the prerogatives that they'd enjoyed for so long. Anyway, if you want to launder money, do what everyone else does when they have a big job that needs doing -- hire a professional.
foafeief ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:19:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With 1 trillion, you'll be hiring a few companies to hire more of those companies for you
mfb- ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:34:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you want to move less than a million at once, you need millions of transactions. There is no way to do with an automated system designed for exactly this purpose, with tons (millions?) of bank accounts set up in advance and so on. Doesn't work. And the bank will certainly make you responsible for abusing such an obvious mistake (assuming it is one). Enjoy jail if they get you.
rustyshackleford193 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:33:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've read enough John Grisham to know that you want to go to a Cayman Island bank
Yavin7 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:19:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In OK, that limit is anything over $8000 So have fun
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:02:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Definitely bitcoin. You could purchase 90% of bitcoin right away and would have a bitcoin monopoly since there's a limited supply of it
OEMcatballs ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:27:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This would tank bitcoin, wouldn't it? Essentially throwing your money away.
Kralcyt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:07:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Someone could establish shell corporations and repeatedly buy and sell them to each other. Once someone had created a long enough trail, someone could move funds into either DPPs or forward contracts to be paid out in another currency and at a later date. Alternatively, someone could move the funds into a series of block trades on various exchanges.
Prince_of_Savoy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:24:50 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well laundering it is one way, but people can't take stuff from you if you have more guys with guns than anyone trying to take your money.
So go to a secluded island and hire as many mercenaries as you can. Some tanks, Artillery, hell for that kinda money some ICBMs and you can tell any IRS agent that comes your way to suck a dick.
TheLordNepture ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:31:23 on April 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you want to keep it Bitcoins not the way my friend, calling /r/ethereum
Goblikon_ ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:06:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, you'd buy Monero instead
nightcrawleronreddit ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:13:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Banks don't care where the money came from. They will gladly move it around. For an exorbitant interest of course.
almightybob1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:29:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes they do. Anti money laundering legislation is serious business.
Kralcyt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:30:43 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone who works for a financial institution has to sign an AML agreement. Also, the fee to move money is very low, so I don't know where you're getting that "exorbitant" fee.
gwarsh41 ยท 107 points ยท Posted at 14:52:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If it was a legitimate source of money, like random inheritance or winnings?
I would call into work on personal matters, as would my wife, and we would plan things out. They would most likely be as follows.
Jump up and down like idiots for a few hours.
Plan our resignations.
Legal advice.
planning to spread wealth.
Resignation from job in spectacular way.
Probably travel for a few years and just do whatever we want.
BLINDrOBOTFILMS ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 18:56:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can I recommend a full symphony orchestra and an opera singer to quit for you?
sickkid1972 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 20:38:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like this idea. Imagine it,.. London Symphony Orchestra conducted by John Williams, and Dame Kiri Te Kanawa warbling out 'Take This Job And Shove It' as you tell your pointy-haired boss to do one.
Magical.
imperial_ruler ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:41:26 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Upvoted for Dilbert reference.
Neolife ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 19:07:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You might be able to spend a few billion on that, and then the "spreading wealth" could make many people very wealthy. Spending $100,000 every day for 50 years is only $2 billion. That's about 0.2% of your wealth.
You could buy a new Boeing 757 EVERY DAY for 34 years with that kind of money, assuming instead of selling it you just dump it in the ocean.
gwarsh41 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:15:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh yeah, I have no illusions on being able to spend a trillion bucks. I also don't want to own a country or company. I would be happy with making my immediate family members millionaires, then doing whatever I wanted whenever I wanted for my life.
... maybe donating a new boeing 757 or two to help a coral reef, or however that works lol.
nuublarg ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:07:10 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There are ways to spend a lot of money fast. I'd buy/invest for 3 gen 4 nuclear reactors for every state. That'd be around $500 Billion or so.
Neolife ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:11:01 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Speaking with my friend, he had the idea of installing high speed rail nationwide. Ends up running about $500B.
Jainith ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:12 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With either of these options I assume the other $500B is for gigantic statues in your likeness* , lauding you as the "new founder of our great nation".
*Also one gigantic statue of a shark (with fricking lasers) to be placed in the duck pond...because of an old inside joke.
TSEAS ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:03:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sad I had to scroll this far to find someone willing to spread the wealth. Looks like alot of people are having trouble grasping how much money a trillion is. My plan would be to hire a legal team and invest it in govt bonds, and then spend lots of time to figure out how I can help the world the most and spend 99.9%+ of it on whatever I come up with. I have no need for a trillion dollars.
weedful_things ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:48:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would def set up trust funds for worthy 501(c) organizations. I would probably start local then work my way out.
weedful_things ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:46:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not sure if I would fire my job or just ghost it.
Jainith ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:05:21 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Heck I might just buy it...
The namesake was only like $100K originally (~160 years ago).
The current Board Members are topping out around $10M in pay-to-play. Thats chump change to a Trillionaire!
CrispKev ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:00:21 on March 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
this is my favorite thing in my Saved on reddit about what you do when you win the lottery or come into a large amount of money Source
Enjoy
keithwaits ยท 306 points ยท Posted at 10:51:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Solve a world problem.
yourbrotherrex ยท 60 points ยท Posted at 18:58:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The women with the "I wanna talk to your manager" haircuts?
capnhayden ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:45:25 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
this got me
buggs_bunnee ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 11:50:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
World Hunger?
sholder27 ยท 88 points ยท Posted at 12:01:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, obviously he means scientology not being most common religion in the world.
intripletime ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 12:46:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy out the Church of Scientology, restructure entire "religon" to just be about coming every Sunday to eat snacks and watch Bill Nye reruns.
RandyRashers ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 14:37:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whats the point. I already eat snacks, watch Bill Nye reruns and come every Sunday.
intripletime ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:53:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tagged as "de facto scientologist already"
univarseman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:59:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think you have your first follower in me
buttery_shame_cave ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 17:30:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
that's already painfully easy to solve, it just requires a cultural shift regarding profits.
nuclearchickenman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:19:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And tell no-one
El_Barto_227 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:07:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or fuck cancer
Wogachino ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 13:48:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With that money, you can fuck 2 cancers at the same time !
Mrnebulous ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:33:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, Keith David does say we only have enough sway for one.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:05:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Technically I'm a world problem.
idspispupd ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:50:02 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Death solves all problems - no man, no problem." Joseph Stalin
Matt_the_Wombat ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:41:10 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is P in NP?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:13:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2+2 is a world problem. Solve that one.
Mr_Slops ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:34:07 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
4?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:23:39 on April 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well done, you solved a world problem.
buffbodhotrod ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:14:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think you could solve like 3 probably with that much money.
MiraculousFIGS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:11:41 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The fact that he/she could solve even 1 world problem with that kinda money speaks volumes tbh
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:22:49 on April 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you assume that genders are binary? so edgy
Thalamant ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:37:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Become a world problem.
Generic_AZN ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:46:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's a pretty vague assassination strategy of a certain oompa lumpa
mastersword83 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:52:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Poverty?
No, me not being able to throw an orgy is a problem
JoeyJoJoJrShabado ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:44:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 plus 2 is 4.
Melk73 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:31:32 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Who in fact did take the cookie from the cookie jar?
SuperSchmyd ยท 2342 points ยท Posted at 11:08:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1 trillion USD or 1 trillion Zimbabwe Dollars?
Xincmars ยท 1575 points ยท Posted at 14:59:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1 ZWD = 0.00276319 USD so that's still 2.76 million dollars for free. Significantly less but I'd probably buy a house with that money.
EDIT: Billion. I made a typo guys
remigiop ยท 733 points ยท Posted at 15:49:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd just buy a house with a shed inside. Only use the shed, the house is for looks.
Razzorsharp ยท 756 points ยท Posted at 16:19:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well you'd be the sharpest tool in it
pirx_pilot88 ยท 252 points ยท Posted at 16:39:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Will he be looking kind of dumb with his finger and his thumb in the shape of an "L" on his forehead?
mrnathanrd ยท 387 points ยท Posted at 16:50:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do the years start coming and subsequently don't stop?
EDIT: And the gold starts coming and it don't stop coming and it don't stop coming and it don't stop coming
Thank you kind stranger!
pirx_pilot88 ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 17:01:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fed to the rules and he hits the ground running?
6483628949 ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 17:13:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Does it make sense to not live for fun?
[deleted] ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 17:15:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Heavenansidhe ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 17:16:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So much to see, so much to do?
Interfectorem47 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 17:30:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So what's wrong with taking the back streets?
caughtinflux ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:53:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You'll never shine if you don't glow?
croccrazy98 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:17:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You'll never know if you don't go?
sander1095 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:46:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey now, are you an all-star?
epicminer4242 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:03:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can you get your game on to go and play?
AppleUserGetOverIt ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:09:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey now, are you a rock-star?
epicminer4242 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:12:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can you get the show on, while getting paid?
100percentGerman ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:14:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is all that glitters, gold?
Qzy ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:23:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Will only shooting stars break the mold?
LetsGoChuckTaylor ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:39:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is it a cool place?
jfb1337 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:52:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/singwithme
_PM_ME_YOUR_ELBOWS ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:16:44 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do they say it gets colder?
LetsGoChuckTaylor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:32:51 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you bundled up now? Should you wait til you get older?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:48:25 on April 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do the Media Men beg to differ?
Is that line Media Men, or Meteor Men? I like to think Media Men but it could go either way.
LetsGoChuckTaylor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:54:29 on April 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm pretty sure it's Meteor Men.
morbiusgreen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So what exactly is wrong with taking the back streets?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:29:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is there something amiss with taking the backstreets?
aGreaterNumber ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:54:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And they don't stop comin
Nathan16 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 17:48:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hear he'll be fed to the Wolves but hit the ground running.
brownix001 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:43:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well not if he has my axe.
Chronza ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:58:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Still a tool
jijibs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:58:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No he wouldn't be...live in your damn house!
Dookie_boy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Wow what a tool" people would say
deadcomefebruary ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:20:53 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Slightly relevant username
Goose360 ยท 57 points ยท Posted at 16:19:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Could probably get a shed alone in Toronto for that money
lukasdragon ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 17:49:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or half a shed in vancouver
JimmerOnYT ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:50:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
found the salty transplanted Torontoite living in Peterborough
Hardcore90skid ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:16:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, first and last remember? Need more. At least you could afford your Roger's phone bill for a few months.
BushidoBrownIsHere ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:00:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was having fun reading this thread till i i hit this.
Silencer_ ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 16:21:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I found bubbles
Randomksa2 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:41:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The house is for his kitties.
Not_Pictured ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:21:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd build a shed with a house on the inside. The shed is for the property assessor.
remigiop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:48:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah yes, taxes. I'll buy out the HOA and drive the hood to shit to avoid heavy taxes.
clearlyoutofhismind ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah. A random portable tool shed on the surface. Inside is a staircase leading to a massive underground mansion. Everyone would be confused seeing you come and go.
kingofthefourth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:31:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah I mean no one wants to live in the house right? You'd look out the window and see a shitty run down shed. Nah, it's the shed for me, I get the beautiful view of the beautiful house.
OPs_other_username ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:37:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always wanted to build an underground living house with a decoy house above.
I just can't figure out how to murder the construction workers and their families to keep it secret. It has to be secret.
remigiop ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:47:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ugh, hire Mexicans then have them deported but drop a heavy amount into their accounts to make up for the dick move.
OPs_other_username ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:48:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But how will I get my murder fix? Though undocumented immigrants sounds like it's going down the right path.
IPleadThaFifth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:52:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like something Dwight Schrute would say
jseego ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:59:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So...you'd be paying property taxes on a 2.76 million dollar house, but only live in a shed?
People always forget about the property taxes. Especially newly rich athletes / celebrities.
Better buying a 1 million dollar house that you could afford to live in for a long time.
RedditConsciousness ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/minimalism feels conflated about this
_C22M_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:54:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy a huge mansion and then live in a shack across the road from it
That way I wake up and look at a mansion
[deleted] ยท 72 points ยท Posted at 16:20:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Xincmars ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 16:23:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
rip that means you get 10-13. That's not even a penny.
Kgoetzel ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:00:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But I'm a trillionaire, so who cares.
davidgro ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:10:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The bills do. I have a '100 Trillion' myself just for laughs.
The shipping cost me much more than the currency itself. I've heard they have gone up though due to people like me collecting them, and google shopping seems to confirm.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:21:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
davidgro ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:31:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, mine is definitely ZWR then - Good to know, thanks!
Dimchum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:06:40 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ZWD's used to be worth as much as USD's. A long long time ago.
science87 ยท 45 points ยท Posted at 16:56:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It will be 2.76 Billion, but the ZWD is now essentially worthless as of April 2016 it's not used in Zimbabwe and can't be exchanged in to hard currency.
IncendieRBot ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 17:07:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shouldn't that be billion?
Mobidad ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:51:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a 100 trillion dollar bill from Zimbabwe. I do have a house but I'm paying for it for the next 30 years.
IWouldntGoUpThere ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:56:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/theydidtheshittymath/
Xincmars ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:07:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
rip me got typoed
somnolent49 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:51:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're off by a factor of 1,000 using that conversion. It should be 2.76 billion.
BakulaSelleck92 ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 19:22:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
M and B are pretty close on the keyboard
coldmtndew ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:12:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus Christ that makes me want to move to Zimbabwe and live like a fucking monarch.
OneRFeris ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:23:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And take your money out of America's economy? You mon/ster.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:09:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They already use USD there anyways.. it's filthy though. You can't even see what denomination it is half the time.
PM_ME_YOUR_STOCK_PIX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Zimbabwe actually depreciated their currency, it's worthless now, they use a combination of Pounds, Euros, Rands, and Dollars.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:05:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
deleted What is this?
e3kb0m63r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How many USD in Zimbabwe does one need to be considered wealthy?
Edit: Clarification
satch959 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So many
rreighe2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:18:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd kick-start my music career
endershadow98 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
*billion
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Xincmars ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:26:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Typos happen.
notwithstupid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2.76 billion
0.00276 * 1012 = 2.76 * 109 = 2.76 billion
Dorkykong2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:05:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
$2.67 billion*. 1 trillion = 1,000 billion.
depressiown ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:13:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Off by a factor of 1,000. It's 2.76 billion USD.
Throwaway93748848382 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:14:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2.7 billion not million btw
TheCakeOfLies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:18:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Think you meant billion
CoolTrainerAlex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:20:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2.7 billion broseph. You lost a few 0s somewhere
Quantization ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:34:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2.7billion not million
GotHamm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:50:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's around 3.1 billion US dollars
MagnusTheGreat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:59:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Billion.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:59:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Billion
Dalepeterson30 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:02:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
isnt that 2.6 billion USD? 1000 billion in a trillion
Xincmars ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:07:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I made a typo
mduell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's not anymore since they demonetized. Worth 0.
Animalmutha76 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:23:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Look you can buy 1000 trillion zwd for just 76 usd we're rich https://zimbabwedollars.net/
quotesforlosers ยท 187 points ยท Posted at 13:21:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the most important question
[deleted] ยท 101 points ยท Posted at 14:48:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I already have 150 trillion Zimbabwe Dollars just lying around somewhere.
Fortysevens11 ยท 71 points ยท Posted at 16:06:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's ~414.5 billion USD.
das alotta muns
[deleted] ยท 81 points ยท Posted at 16:32:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They're old circa 2012 zimbabwe dollars, no longer legal tender.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:06:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:10:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just looked and they're actually circa 2008; can't find an expiration date on 'em.
thatmorrowguy ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:01:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It depends on which incarnation of the Zimbabwe Dollar you're talking about. They went through a few generations of knocking off zeroes.
thrillhouse3671 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:51:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is that true? I got a "100 Trillion Dollar" Zimbabwe Note off of Ebay a few years ago and I keep it in my wallet as a gag gift.
MyNameIsNico ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:13:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That one is worth about $0.40 USD.
thrillhouse3671 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:14:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks bud.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:24:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
thrillhouse3671 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:26:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah okay, thanks.
DizzleMizzles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:59:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
one might say too many muns
GOATPROPHET22 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:22:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, so can you buy actual Zimbabwe dollars? I searched it up online and want to make sure that it's not fake currency.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:28:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's entirely possible that the ones I have are fake, as I got them back in like 2012 for 5 bucks off e-bay for a set of 3 $100t notes and 3 $50t notes; a few things to note:
The financial crisis that led to the hyperinflation in Zimbabwe is over, from what I know.
Among currency collectors the absurdly high notes have become something of a collector's item
I'd expect there to be some fake currency, and I'm not an expert so I have no way to tell if mine is or is not.
I found the whole thing to be kind of fascinating when it was going on; at the height of it that $100t note was worth about a US quarter, in terms of purchasing power.
ThatDeadDude ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:55:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The stuff they were printing at the height of hyperinflation was pretty bad quality, which makes it harder to say whether what you have is fake or not.
The crisis was ended by (US) dollarisation, but the country is running low on money (because all the forex ends up leaving the country to pay for imports, and the destroyed Zimbabwean economy doesn't produce enough exports to replace what's spent) and the government wants to start printing its own crap again, although officially it won't be real money. So might end up with a whole lot of new trillion dollar notes around in the future.
MajorScootaloo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:41:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What's it like being a billionaire?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:45:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
kind of like being a dollar menunaire, in this instance.
KJ6BWB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:54:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bull, unless each bill is millions then that'd be far more room than you probably have to store bills.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:02:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's actually a $100 trillion and $50 trillion note.
Like this except mine aren't against a pure white background :)
Zimbabwe went through a period of hyper-inflation in the early 2010s, resulting in really huge bills being printed.
KJ6BWB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:10:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well that's pretty awesome.
Merhouse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:22:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's 38 cents USD.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:25:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
sounds about right from what I remember
mdog0206 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:44:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Congratulations you have 414 billion USD
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:45:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't look at the current exchange rate; there was an economic crisis in Zimbabwe, and the bills are from a now-defunct national bank. If memory serves during the transition to the new Zimbabwe dollar, each $100 trillion was worth $1 in the new currency.
Radiation___Dude ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:55:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I came here to post this since I've been dealing with a lot of customers at work trying to get a bank account to exchange Zimbabwe Dollars, Iraqi Denares and Vietnamese Dong and it's been craziness! We don't even exchange those currencies! What's up with the recent surge in Zimbabwe Dollars flooding the market?!?
SuperSchmyd ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:02:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's worthless. Something about their economy going down the shitters after their new President took all the white farmers land and kicked them out of the country. I don't want this sparking off some sjw or racist rant, so just read this article that reiterates what I said but is published.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:46:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I paid $42USD for a $100,000,000,000,000 Zimbabwean bill (I'm a currency collector and it's my fav note in my collection) so not totally worthless to the right people.
TwiceBakedJake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldn't exactly call myself a currency collector but I have a nice little collection starting. Where would someone find one of those?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:59:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do all of mine on Ebay. I've never had any issues getting billnotes except with the North Korean won. I bought what I thought was a legitimate won but it was just obviously printed at home by some asshole.
Radiation___Dude ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:10:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeh that's what I'm seeing from my research however all the currency converters online are still showing it has some worth.
SuperSchmyd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:23:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, enough bags of gravel is worth something to people that don't have other means of currency. The Iraqi dinar with Saddam on it was made worthless after the Coalition Provision Authority in 2004 made new notes.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:14:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My parents and the rest of my family were all farmers there and we all got kicked off the farms (2003-2005) - also not a new president. I think he's been president for about 30 years or something now. The whole country has gone to shit now. They used to use USD as their currency but they brought out "bond notes" last year which technically have no value whatsoever to any currency.
ThefrozenOstrich ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:23:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was good that he took land from the white farmers as they had a huge monopoly and they got richer while the blacks got poorer. The problem was that he gave the land to his FRIENDS and not the people. His friends didnt know how to maintain the land so the farms were looted and many destroyed which turned zimbabwe from the 'breadbasket of Africa' to having to resort to importing food.
3e486050b7c75b0a2275 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:56:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1 trillion monopoly dollars
VertexMF ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:14:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1 trillion Stanley nickels
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:24:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 14:52:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
HAHAHA I GET IT WASNT A YES OR NO QUESTION BUT YOU STILL SAID YES HAHAHA XD XD ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐
Edit: So after I made this comment I noticed u/MusicForEarthworms 's comment got less up votes. You're pathetic as fuck if your opinion gets swayed one way or another so easily. So sick of all you retards.
GOATPROPHET22 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 15:19:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't know if I should upvote or downvote you?
Shower_Handel ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 15:21:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes
Jerod22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:32:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
HAHAHA I GET IT WASNT A YES OR NO QUESTION BUT YOU STILL SAID YES HAHAHA XD XD ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐
YourAverageCisWhite ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:28:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes.
picklev33 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:31:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm going to go with down.
NotLordShaxx ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:10:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dat edge
jakerlegofreak12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:26:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/madlads
quackriper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:26:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
XD
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 16:10:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
(เธ อกส* อส อกส)เธ(เธ อกส อส อกส)เธ(เธ อกส อส อกส)เธvv(เธ อกส อส อกส)เธ! LRL FLUFEDCZECH 'EMห อสห OHOOGOOGOREE LE OHHohhihoHhee! You have tickled my MEME bone!ห อสห XDDdd >if (you) BROWS this MEME past the frontLE pageLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOLLLL ห อสห อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)v( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)v ( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)v( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)vห อสห (เธ อกส อส อกส)เธ ( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)LE( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)v v ( อกยฐ อส อกยฐv) ( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ) ห อสห XDXDXDXDXD ส อกยฐ) ( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ) v ( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ) v( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ) ( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)(เธ อกส อส อกส)เธv(เธ อกส อส อกส)เธ(เธ meme i love that fuckinod 420 shit :) rips a bongห อสห AHHHHHHHHH YES!One uUPSWAGpswag for le fine gentleruser TENDIES REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ) ( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ) ( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ) ( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ) ( อก+ อส อก+) ( อก+ อส อก+)( อก+ อส อก อส อกส)เธ (เธ อกส อส อกส)เธ (เธ อกส อส อกส)เธ (เธ อกส. Le(เธ อกส อส อกส)เธ FLUFE get SHRECKED MATEY XDDDDDDDDDDDDLEDDDDDD อส อกส)เธ( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)v( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)v FUCK MAN xD i just fall of my chair cuz i couldnt and i CANT stopห อสห laugh MUH TENDIEs LE HE!1!!!!!!11!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111!!11 KEK!! KEK!! KEK!! WHATA FUCK MAN xD i just fall of my chair cuz i couldnt and i CANT stop laugh xDXDXDXDXDDDDDXXXXXXDDDDDD OMGOSH DDDDDXXXXXDDDDD(เธ อกส อส อกส)เธ DDDDDD LOOOOOOOLLLLL(เธ อกส อส(เธ อกส อส อกส)เธ อก(เธ อกส อส อกส)เธ )(เธ อกส อส อกส)เธ FUCKIN HOLY SHITTTT I CANT JUST STOP LAUGHING CAUSE (เธ อกส อส อกส)เธ HE HE HE HE JUST TO FUNNY MAN!!!1!1 HOOOOOOOOLLLLLLYYYYY SHIT i just fall of chair!!!! simply le epic so ebin(เธ อกส อส อกส)เธ (เธ อกส อส อกส)(เธ อกส อส อกส)เธ dae le epin win xD pwnโd ftw le xP good sir i tip my fedora to you! tips fedora, le any1 athiest? LOL
loi044 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:23:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Over 2.7 Billion dollars?
I'll take it.
There are lower valued currencies to use for this example. E.g. The Vietnamese Dong (1 usd to ~22,730 vnd).
Even then, 1 Trillion vnd will equal about 44 Million USD
henrymay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
both
Farmer771122 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have one hundred trillion zimbabwean that I use as a bookmark.
thrillho145 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:14:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Zimbabwe uses USD now
Damn_Croissant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:24:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
USD
delicious_tomato ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:45:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well if it's Zimbabwe dollars we're talking about I'd go grab me a mocha frappucino!
petgreg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1 trillion Bison dollars.
cloudnyne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:56:24 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Monopoly dollars
granal03 ยท 1017 points ยท Posted at 14:00:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All of the answers here are wrong. 100% build Jurassic Park. Then Jurassic Park 2: Electric Boogaloo in Japan could be opened. Featuring the Gozilatrops. Cut costs on infrastructure as well to maximise my profits. Get some old white dude like David Attenborough to be the face of the park. Earn another trillion dollars. Ride around on my Stegosaurus.
brandonh94 ยท 308 points ยท Posted at 18:43:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't your answer wrong? They made like 3 documentaries on why dinosaur parks don't work.
dizyalice ยท 242 points ยท Posted at 18:55:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ahem, they made 4 documentaries.
evilamnesiac ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 19:47:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ahem... they were dinomentaries
alomomola ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 20:23:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, they made three days documentaries about why it wouldn't work, and one about how ITS THE BEST IDEA EVER BECAUSE YOU CAN JOIN A RAPTOR BIKER GANG
1speedbike ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:27:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, I'm sold.
Still waiting for my trillion though.
Kitehammer ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:24:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And if we're being nitpicky, those documentaries are why dinosaur-frog hybrids don't work. Genetically unaltered dinosaurs are still-untested waters.
Katakoom ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:41:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And if I had a trillion dollars, I would find immense satisfaction in being able to reply to your comment "Challenge accepted"
brandonh94 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:00:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Preciate the correction
Funkmonkey21139 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:20:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They're working on 5 right now I think
AQ90 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:36:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, no, no, the fourth one takes place 20 years later, science is more expedited then to the point raptors and T. Sexes can communicate
dizyalice ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:47:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's still part of the documentary series.
AQ90 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:11:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We're getting more documentaries soon also
OtherSideofSky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:49:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
aint nothin scarier than a T Sex
AQ90 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:11:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
God fucking dammit, it's staying
OnyDeus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:01:48 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Too much chew.
AQ90 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:06:20 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I came here to chew ass and kick bubblegum and I'm all out of bubblegum
Trinitykill ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:36:05 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually there's a fifth one coming out as well.
queiroga ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:13:44 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
sorry for the nitpick, but actually they made 3 about parks. Jurassic Park 3 isn't about getting a new park running, just a kid getting lost on a dinosaur island.
thac0_tuesday ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:44:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But it was really only the first one where the park went wrong because of planning. The other two the park was already a mess.
And anyways, the park only failed because they didn't count on Dodson. Fortunately, Dodson is a fictional character, ergo a dino park in the real world would work flawlessly.
xwearethefandomx ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:02:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do you mean Nedry? He was flaky the whole time.
Dilong-paradoxus ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:27:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dodson is the dude paying Nedry and who supplies him with the shaving cream DNA freezer thing.
thac0_tuesday ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:36:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, Dodgson was the one who hired Nedry. Nedry was just a pawn. Dodgson and his bosses are the real perpetrators.
xwearethefandomx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:11:07 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I meant how Hammond said he thought the park failed because they relied too heavily on Nedry, and that next time it'd be perfect.
ToffeeSky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Next time it'll be flawless...
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:35:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jurassic park is based on some extremely shaky philosophical grounds. Chaos theory does not dictate that Jurassic park would inevitably fail. Problems will inevitably occur, because not everything can be controlled given what we currently are capable of. But if you really think about what caused the park to fail, you realize that it wasn't the inevitability of something going wrong, it was the COLOSSAL coincidence of multiple unrelated things going wrong simultaneously. Henry Wu happened to use DNA from animals that spontaneously change sex in response to environmental factors; raptors show primate-level intelligence; Nedry kills power to the entire park instead of just the parts he needed shut down; gigantic storm comes through; Hammond relies on automation to an extreme degree; Hammond has a single point of failure for his entire automated system allowing his one sysadmin to take everything down with no recourse to anyone else. If any one of those things happened differently, none of the problems would have happened. At worst there would have been a minor escaped dinosaur situation that could have been handled swiftly.
sdmitch16 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:19:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was the storm really that crucial? Honestly, it mostly seemed to make it harder for T-Rex to see the people.
I'll add that Dodson somehow got in contact with the second most powerful person at the park who happened to be disgruntled enough to become corrupt making it a wash.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:22:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think it's all that clear in the movie, but the storm damaged some of the fences which allowed some dinosaurs to escape.
sdmitch16 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:37:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Metal wire fences? I thought that was all done by the T-Rexes, but I never read the book so I wouldn't know.
Edit: Was the book/s good?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:09:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The book is better than the movie. Which means something, because Jurassic park is the best movie of all time
helpful-loner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:51:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
god, i love these jokes.
Hey_im_miles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:53:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One was about how a world doesn't work
lukesfromhell ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:41:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why are we not funding this?!?!?!
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 19:02:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cause actually creating a living dinosaur is still way beyond what we are capable of doing. There are groups looking into bringing a mammoth back to life, but even that is way off (and they aren't really planning to create a pure mammoth, more of a mammoth elephant hybrid).
Kitsterthefister ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:23:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stated multiple times, the Jurassic park dinosaurs were mostly toads, cuttlefish, lion, and gila monster. Needed more teeth.
KJ6BWB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:05:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like this idea too. ;)
jpdidz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:24:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Begs the question why nobody has tried exactly this before, doesn't it?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:55:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When you say some old white dude who looks like David Attenborough, do you mean Richard Attenborough ?
dan958 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:15:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sure with 1 trillion we can reanimate him somehow.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:55:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Life, uh finds a way
Pizzas4Rent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:26:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good.... good
irritabletom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:56:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think it should follow the Fast and Furious sequel formula and be called 2 Jurassic 2 Park. Or possibly Jurassic Park: Tokyo Driftasaurus.
Floridamned ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:09:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You need someone who can pull of a square bottomed white linen short without looking like they're running a plantation in 1840's Georgia.
Hey_im_miles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:56:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is always my answer. I'm glad I'm not alone .
JayGarrick11929 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:41:50 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then make Pirates of the Pancreas!
peepea ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:55:50 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I imagine that Eletric Bugaloo would be waaay better than burning man.
bigscience87 ยท 352 points ยท Posted at 14:26:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call a lawyer. No way will they settle for just fixing an error that bad, they'll probably blame me somehow.
ninjerginger ยท 320 points ยท Posted at 19:47:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck that. I'd buy the best law firm in the country. You're all working for me now, I just doubled all your salaries. I'm your only client, and you only exist to protect me. Try to screw me somehow and leave? I'll buy every god damn law firm in the city and make them fire you. I have God-level money.
Polish_Potato ยท 47 points ยท Posted at 21:38:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy every single law firm in the country
Haligonian_89 ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 21:42:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This guy Gods.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:27:04 on April 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This God guys.
bigscience87 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:57:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They're lawyers. They're going to want to know where the money came from and draw up ironclad contracts. When the banks come at you with all the fury of a thousand burning baboons, they'll stop the sale.
bob84900 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 23:54:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just buy all the banks. Problem solved.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:20:45 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ok buddy you only have a trillion
bob84900 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 02:23:15 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol ok just buy the bank that wrote the check :)
Mastered_Baiting ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:38:17 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So this is what true power feels like
iseah100 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:02:58 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fucking cheat code money.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:05:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As someone above said, put it in an interest earning account, and talk to an accountant. Get them to broker with the bank when they want it back with interest, go through year long legal battle, win, keep interest.
bigscience87 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:55:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"An" interest-earning account?
You think they'd let you keep the interest? They'll argue that they'd have earned the interest were it not for your "fraud."
Nah man, they'd break it off in your ass and put you under the jail.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:11:11 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There was a comment above where that happened.
Cooperhawthorn ยท 498 points ยท Posted at 13:51:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably sleep for another hour.
CLEAVAGER ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 18:41:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not sure if you'd be able to fall asleep..
ooh_jeeezus ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 18:53:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep after taking care of my massive erection
Lepang8 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:23:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You'll pass out because of the massive erection anyways.
DANK_MEME_HOURS ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:16:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or when he breaks his arms.
ItsMacAttack ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:35:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"MOM!"
hollowskull100 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:01:31 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can't read any askreddits without a reference to this anymore, they're pretty much non-existent.
FaerieBelle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Best idea ever
[deleted] ยท 747 points ยท Posted at 14:02:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a helicopter and drop dollar bills over my school and watch the peasants fight
wretcheddawn ยท 47 points ยท Posted at 18:15:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What are you going to do with the other $999,999,000,000 ?
melten005 ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 19:07:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Move onto the next school.
snowman334 ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 18:20:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, drop Benjamin's. Better fight. People would die.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 02:46:10 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drop Benjamin's what?
Jainith ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:10:30 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No...actual Benjamins...there were too many in my class, and no one liked them. /s
Toxicitor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:21:24 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pants, I think. We're investing this money into the Necromancy Through Science program, right?
thenakedfish ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 20:23:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That might be nice if I didn't live in Canada. They'd just end up sharing the considerate bastards
mtnbkrt22 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 18:26:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Turakamu ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 19:16:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
mtnbkrt22 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 20:14:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just random chunks of the stuff. Small pieces to be pocketed and big pieces that can be used as blunt weapons.
UnknownNam3 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:29:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jainith ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:12:10 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Watchout GabeN /u/UnknownNam3 has got your number.
ThreeFistsCompromise ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:30:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Throw domestic turkeys out of it instead.
buffalochickenwing ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 19:31:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What's an international turkey?
robodude987 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:39:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Explosive
HandOfBlomster ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:22:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would be a shame when Beyoncรฉ comes over and slips on all the single dollars
-Thats_Rough_Buddy- ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:11:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All the single dollars?
VrIgHtEr ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:06:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All the single dollars!
-Thats_Rough_Buddy- ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:22:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bills bills bills.
InsomniacKat ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 18:18:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This legit made me Lol
yannaswag ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:17:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Baby I don't need dollar bills to have a good education ๐ต
Elnoobnoob ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:01:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And when they all gather in one place that's when you drop the napalm
Tren101 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:40:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd rather drop coins
airwalkerdnbmusic ยท 5047 points ยท Posted at 12:43:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That amount of money is enough to purchase a country. Purchase a country, turn it into a Utopia and make it a world leader in X field so it can sustain itself. Rinse and repeat with new country.
OR
Build a trebuchet so large it could throw a 900kg projectile 3000 miles.
Gizortnik ยท 1687 points ยท Posted at 15:54:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Welcome to Tropico, El Presidente!
DrQuint ยท 545 points ยท Posted at 16:31:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Our specialty is making statues. Of El presidente.
SearchOver ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:03:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
North Korea, anyone?
aaron552 ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 19:19:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No. Tropico.
TOO_DAMN_FAT ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:41:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But what Does N. Korea make besides statues of Kimmy and misery?
buttery_shame_cave ยท 293 points ยท Posted at 17:12:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
hey now, my tropico was a literal utopian paradise of free housing, food, healthcare, education and entertainment.
i mean, okay, i rounded up a lot of people and their families to work the prison plantations that provided that insane standard of living but still!
Gizortnik ยท 162 points ยท Posted at 17:28:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My benevolent militarist state had high healthcare, education, housing quality, food quality, and low crime. (Apparently crime stays low when you have troops walking the streets at night. I'm not sure why I had cops besides keeping tourists in line.) Liberty was a bit weird because it kept swinging back and forth between elections, even though there was a free press. I had to constantly call for early elections, which I kept winning fair and square.
I'm sure everybody on the island thought that there was no reason to have as strong of a military as we had for such a tiny Island with no land borders, until the destroyers showed up...
East or West, IDGAF. I ain't scared.
buttery_shame_cave ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 17:34:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i very bumblingly managed to make both the east and the west think i was the greatest thing since sliced bread, their tourists loved me, they loved setting up factories on my shores, and i had insane amounts of money i could just give to them if they needed a spot of cash.
n23_ ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 20:44:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My tropico has such great standards of living that anyone complaining was considered mentally insane and immediately shot. I also shot all members of the religious faction because why not?
definitely_yoda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:11:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds familiar.
buttery_shame_cave ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:14:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
like a far more functional version of
northbest korea?[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:45:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fidel?
EQandCivfanatic ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:49:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Zoom in on Presidential Museum
Viva El Presidente! Viva El Presidente!Viva El Presidente!Viva El Presidente!Viva El Presidente!Viva El Presidente!Viva El Presidente!
karizake ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:20:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Welcome to Bananarama, where it's party time, all the time.
Math_Blaster_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:31:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone out, Tropico has a population of one now.
DonaldChimp ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:44:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Speaking of presidents. I'd start by making America great again. $10 Billion reward to the person with information leading to the impeachment of Donald Trump. $100 Billion if it also leads to at least 5 years of jail time. I'll bet a few Russians out there have some proof socked away somewhere.
edit: Actually, this gives me an idea, Kickstarter!
[deleted] ยท 980 points ยท Posted at 14:16:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
WHOA.
You are building quite the trebuchet there, friend!
[deleted] ยท 324 points ยท Posted at 15:21:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
crnext ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 16:17:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How heavy is a warhead?
ethanice ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 16:22:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A nuclear warhead is 1,100 KG.
Kgoetzel ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 17:01:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So he's basically talking about an ICBM
scorpio1644 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:53:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Metal...Gear?!
willbekins ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:10:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You knew?
ZedHeadFred ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:30:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
FOX
DIE
RomansSalamander ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:09:49 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Solid.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 16:38:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Does the plane have a counterweight on it?!
BombTheCity ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:05:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously, everyone is forgetting about the counterweight. It is kinda what makes a trebuchet a trebuchet.
Zerotan ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:46:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What is a plane but a trebuchet that fires the earth?
Unstopapple ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:31:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
specifically, a boeing 757 going 300 knots has about a third of the energy which would be required. That is 4,345,228,800 joules. That is the blasting force of a ton of TNT.
matt2884 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:51:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or a massive rail gun
Vertigo666 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:35:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait a minute, aircraft carriers launch jets with catapults
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 16:38:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:39:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's probably some of the $1,000,000,000,000 in $1.00 bills.
ChickenPotPi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ahem pennies and nickels exist and weight the most per size.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:11:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes but he's a trillionaire and has no need for peasant money like pennies and nickels.
ChickenPotPi ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:13:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
hence using it as a counterweight. No matter what, paper does not weight as much as pennies and nickels per size unless I guess you can burn the money, convert it into carbon and turn the carbon into diamonds so you can counterweight the trebuchet with diamonds but then you would have so many diamonds that you would flood the fake debeers market with so many diamonds that it would be worthless. Oh wait, I kind of like that, if I woke up with a trillion dollars one of my agendas would be to ruin the debeers monopoly.
Toxicitor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:49:42 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just put a few dozen billion into owning de beers and change all the prices to something reasonable.
guardsanswer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:02:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/trebuchetmemes
SpanglyJoker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:56:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What do you intend to do with that trebuchet, friend? Knock down an empire?
BurningLynx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:16:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
By my calculations, this trebuchet would require a fairly large counterweight.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:17:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm hoping he meant meters not miles.
Pineapple26 ยท 245 points ยท Posted at 15:40:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That Trebuchet could throw shit into space....
Muffinsandbacon ยท 158 points ยท Posted at 16:38:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Who needs ICBMs when you have a mother fucking trebuchet?
Stevey854 ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 18:27:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Early warning systems would be futile.
Badpreacher ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 18:55:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That trebuchet is big enough to throw other trebuchets, sounds like the apocalypse to me.
Math_Blaster_ ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:33:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is a MR device.
Multiple retrebulizing device.
If you are sure to reticulate your splines beforehand, the world will be at your feet
Scyrothe ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:35:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ICBGMFR:
Inter Continental Ballistic Giant Mother Fucking Rock
Hazzamo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:05:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's not a mother fucking trebuchet... That's a Fuck-mothering Trebuchet!, it killed a lot of people to earn that title and demands to treated with said respect
22bebo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:47:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know what, I'll support whatever war The Donald gets us into so long as we wage it via trebuchet.
Swaginzez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:18:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gandhi
WolfgodApocalypse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:59:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Trebuchet that throws icbms. Checkmate.
BC_Sally_Has_No_Arms ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:54:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, the solution to our waste problem
Muffinsandbacon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:34:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yep sounds perfect! Don't have to worry about rockets exploding and dispersing nuclear waste in the atmosphere when you literally fling it into the sun.
philosarapter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:53:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Until all the mass we've thrown off Earth starts affecting our orbit and we begin to drift away from the sun, plunging us into colder and colder temperatures.
TyReXxX ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:54:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Perfect! No more Global Warming!
philosarapter ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:05:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think we've found a solution even the oil execs could get on board with!
Levitus01 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:35:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Great. I've always wanted to leave one of my turds in orbit for future generations to wipe off of their spaceship windshields.
the_honest_liar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:57:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Like space shuttles! Make this country the foremost leader in space exploration!
jnads ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:17:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Technically to throw into space requires a trebuchet with a range of 25,000 miles.
xxmickeymoorexx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:59:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's a huge shit
TheVisage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:06:25 on March 11, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Into the fiery orb with ye!
B1naryB0t ยท 223 points ยท Posted at 15:57:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That could throw a small car roughly all the way across the USA.
Turakamu ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 19:12:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Where the fuck did this car come from?"
SewerSquirrel ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 19:22:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
From California, roughly 9 hours ago.
RenaKunisaki ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 19:50:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Beat that, Amazon drones!
GourdGuard ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:47:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think there's any way to do it smoothly.
Math_Blaster_ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:34:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why would you want smooth
coleyboley25 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:57:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now I want to see it happen
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:43:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You don't just waste projectiles like that heathen, you could demolish the enemy city's walls from the comfort of your own kingdom
datlock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:19:46 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Assuming we can fix the landing that's a sweet new way to travel.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:22:58 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Airbags. Airbags everywhere.
ActualB1naryB0t ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:02:30 on March 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1010100 1101000 1100001 1110100 100000 1100011 1101111 1110101 1101100 1100100 100000 1110100 1101000 1110010 1101111 1110111 100000 1100001 100000 1110011 1101101 1100001 1101100 1101100 100000 1100011 1100001 1110010 100000 1110010 1101111 1110101 1100111 1101000 1101100 1111001 100000 1100001 1101100 1101100 100000 1110100 1101000 1100101 100000 1110111 1100001 1111001 100000 1100001 1100011 1110010 1101111 1110011 1110011 100000 1110100 1101000 1100101 100000 1010101 1010011 1000001 101110
[deleted] ยท 546 points ยท Posted at 15:58:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
freezingbyzantium ยท 259 points ยท Posted at 16:02:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But she also spans more than 3000 miles, so technically his work is already done.
JusTuna ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 16:46:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At that point the bigger question is if a trillion-dollar trebuchet can even be built to hold his mom.
monsto ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:53:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She so fat she tripped in Houston and landed in Chicago.
Then the bitch rocked herself to sleep tryin to get back up.
inibrius ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:46:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
he'd just need to slap her ass and ride the waves across.
verheyen ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:52:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She just needs to fall over. The ripple effect alone would generate enough energy to power a small Death Star.
Which brings me to what I would spend my money on.
Jaivez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shit if she spanned more than 3000 miles we should call Elon Musk so he can get about converting her blood stream into a Hyperloop and whatever other evil scientist ideas he could go about with such a being.
vTheCurrentEvent ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 16:38:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good luck building a utopian society friend
CykoTom ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 18:03:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This idea has worked for everyone else who ever tried it so why wouldn't it work for him.
get_salled ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 16:14:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OP's mom will just keep coming back...
Carrionnoirrac ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:15:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You make founding a successful country leading in its major industry sound so easy lol. Oh yeah utopia too.
wunderbreadv2 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:00:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think thats called a missile at that point
CptBartender ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:12:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Missiles (as opposed to rockets) require guidance system and, most important of all, don't use counterweights. I higly encourage you to go to /r/trebuchetmemes and ask them why counterweight mechanisms are inherently better than any of this propellant crap.
Rusky82 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:14:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well it's still a missile as the definition of missile is:
missile
noun
an object which is forcibly propelled at a target, either by hand or from a mechanical weapon.
Yes I decided to be that guy that corrects people use of english.......
Stevey854 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:29:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The thing it launches is a missile even when it's a normal trebuchet.
Hell, if you throw a pea it's a missile.
airwalkerdnbmusic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:39:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Missiles are guided, this is not.
RustlingHawk274 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 16:09:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why spend THAT much money to buy a country when you can spend a lot less buying a private army and invading a country!
monsto ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 16:54:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Because people die that way.
DomeSlave ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:49:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You are now banned from /murica.
DJDarren ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:01:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They might be Iranian, in which case they already are.
Jupiterswrath ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:45:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For the greater good!
parentingandvice ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:28:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have you not seen Die Hard 3?
idspispupd ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:55:27 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or you can spend it to pay 4% of US government public debt. 96% to go.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:27:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brilliant, giant boulders, virtually undetectable by modern defense systems.
Amator ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:50:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, go buy off a team of promising theoretical physicists as well as an interior African country. We can make Wakanda!!!
Kerrby87 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:39:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I agree, but I would buy a coastal country. Trade routes are important.
naryn ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:22:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy a country and kick everyone else out.
DrunkM0nkey ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:54:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So you'd be Dictator or Monarch? Curious as to how you'll go about ruling said Utopia for decades
airwalkerdnbmusic ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:58:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dictator? Monarch? No sir, not for me. God Emperor? Much better.
DrunkM0nkey ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:59:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Excellent choice
remarkless ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:42:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or?
oh no no no. If I have a country, I'm gonna have a huge fucking trebuchet
Golanthanatos ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:43:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ORBITAL TREBUCHET
AndromedaGeorge ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:45:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy Italy, and mostly let it keep doing its thing, but then I would also pay all the best chefs, the best winemakers, best fish mongers, best farmers, best beer crafters, and best liquor makes to move to the country. And then my life would be perfect.
exiledSplinter ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:02:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know what you're up to. You want to launch space rovers) from NYC to LA.
I'm watching you ( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:49:08 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
People of Lesotho, meet your new Supreme Leader!
TheJediCounsel ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:16:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What's a trebuchet? Is that some kind of shitty catapult?
airwalkerdnbmusic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:16:58 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/trebuchetmemes are going to find you and when they do, it's not going to be quick.
TheJediCounsel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:15:23 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I doubt they'd be able to get behind my stone wall, its over 50 meters high and 5 meters deep. My apartment is impregnable.
rotll ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:09:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Settle down, Kim Jong Un...
Smellzlikefish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:15:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldn't want to wake up to a million dollars just to have to work at a stressful job (running a country). I'd much rather just buy some politicians to do my bidding.
blucas93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:19:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I live in Utopia (Utopia, ON to be specific) not all it's cracked up to be, unless you really like potatoes.
aqouta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:25:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah yes, just build a utopian society, why didn't the world leaders think of that?
carrohan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:45:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ok but: buy your country. Country specializes in space travel. . . Specifically space travel via trebuchet Two birds, one stone
anotherbrainstew ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:55:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The only person here who would actually go broke with their trillion lmao
chux4w ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:58:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't try to buy Cuba. Mr Burns was going to do that with his trillion dollar bill but Castro stole it and pretended he didn't.
airwalkerdnbmusic ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:12:34 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha. "Now give me back the trillion dollar bill"......"What bill"......"Ohhhh dear.."
DKIMBE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:01:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/trebuchetmemes
punriffer5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:01:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alright members of /r/theydidthemath. Let's see some numbers on this bad boy. Possible? Possible without breaking the trebuche? Possible without breaking the launch site?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:06:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nice try Kim Jong-Un
MyThGriffin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
confused as to why you used both the metric system and the american system in the same sentence
davesoverhere ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I bet with that kind of money, you could build a pretty nice catapult too.
ripexz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could make your utopian country a world leader in giant trebuchets, two birds one stone!
airwalkerdnbmusic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:11:11 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brilliant. We would have a meme economy from all the residents uploading vines of our massive trebuchets too. We could export them to countries who prefer simpler weapons, shipped with a crew of swarthy peasants who affectionately name their siege engine something incredibly innapropriate for the target customers country.
Like selling a trebuchet called Escobars Revenge to Colombia.
TiagoTiagoT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The problem with benevolent dictators is what happens after they go
Raven_Skyhawk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:39:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't choose. Make the utopia. And make your hobby there making the trebuchet.
shit_fucks_you_up ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
US would bomb you instantly.
KJ6BWB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:52:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You want to build a trebuchet big enough to launch things to the moon? Because I think that's far enough that you could get out of the majority of earth's gravitational field then fire a few small rockets on your projectile and fly to the moon.
DrippyWaffler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Metric, dude, who uses miles these days?
app_wal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:07:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kg: metric
Miles: customary
MarieAquanette ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:19:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is Greece for sale? I feel like I could probably get a pretty good deal on it.
re_dditt_er ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:26:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
woah there Kim
rythmicbread ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy an army. Take ice North Korea. Make it a utopia
rockozocko ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:35:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was going to ask why... But I don't care. I just want to be part of the team!
WhiteRabbit86 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wouldn't you rather have a DECENT siege weapon?
wheatfields ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:45:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thats cute that you think that creating a Utopia just involves having enough money.
ep1939 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think you can buy a country.
Yes, it's money bigger than the gdp of many countries, but not their assets.
buffbodhotrod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:07:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think there's a reason no one has made a utopia yet. It's a little easier said than done.
_babycheeses ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Might not work out the way you planned. Gerald Bull.
Mikerk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:09:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could probably buy america for that much. All you gotta do is buy a few hundred politicians. 1 trillion free speeches
Morjor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:09:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
3000 miles? Let's go for orbit.
THENATHE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:22:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
*meters
3000 miles is farther than Cali to NYC
airwalkerdnbmusic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:06:36 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
People. I meant miles. Not meters. Meters is puny measurement. Miles, especially English Country Miles, is a far, far superior measurement.
vegbruiser ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:27:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Paging anyone from /r/theydidthemath or perhaps Randall Munroe...?
_Winking_Owl_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:44:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a trebuchet calculator. I'll do the math when I home in an hour or two.
vegbruiser ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:00:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha, that would be excellent! Thanks.
Like-A-Cuban ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:50:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We will call it: M E G A L I T H
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:58:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/trebuchetmemes
anormalgeek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:12:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, that's just a rail gun at that point.
airwalkerdnbmusic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:05:49 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Doubt even a railgun could fire a 900kg projectile, the energy required would be insaaannee.
Evolving_Dore ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:17:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
3000 kilometers. Keep your measuring systems straight.
PanKurzcak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:34:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry, but you won't turn it into a utopia. The politics of single man rule simply make it impossible.
Rulers aren't bad because they're bad people, nor they're bad because power corrupts. They're bad because they're forced to be bad.
a1kiko08 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:43:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anyone else get flashbacks of Age of Empires?
bl1ndvision ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:47:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
spotted the idealistic liberal.
BTC_CoachCody ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:14:13 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can I buy America?
feministscum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:38:33 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I first read as Ethiopia... I was confused as to why you would want to transform the world into Ethiopia
Shvingy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:55:52 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So just buy an ICBM and annex a country?
YamahaRN ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:18:22 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You can hold a country hostage with 1 trillion dollars.
Even 500 billion used in treasury holdings will make you a player in the world stage. Because if you threaten to sell your holdings all at once, you can devalue that country's currency virtually overnight. With a devalued currency the entirety of that said country from peasants to kings and presidents will have a very tough time paying the bills. Not as bad as Weimar Germany, but you would have done so much damage just by decreasing a trillion's worth of confidence in that country's currency.
EDIT: for reference the housing bubble crisis cost the whole world 4.2 trillion. Imagine doing 1/4 of that recession to one country.
The United States threatened the UK with such an action during the Suez Crisis. The UK pulled out of that theater without a single US boot on the ground.
itsonlyastrongbuzz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Until you need Democracy.
The US might think you need
to play nice and give them favorable trade in X fieldDemocracy.Stevey854 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:29:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spoilers: he bought the US
airwalkerdnbmusic ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:16:24 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I shall deter their gunboat diplomacy with my dread trebuchet. It shall fire 900kg balls of dung harvested from my incredibly prolific herd of dung beetles.
itsonlyastrongbuzz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:05:10 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/bandnames
stackered ยท -6 points ยท Posted at 18:30:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yeah, I'd start a science based country. you'd need a STEM degree for entrance or you'd have to prove yourself in some manner in the arts (because we need that too or it'd be boring and uncreative)
free living for first few years until everything has stablized
AK_Happy ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:44:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lol, classic reddit
MTechLife ยท 2050 points ยท Posted at 11:38:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would spend an exorbitant amount of money and not make a tenth of a percentage point difference in my net worth
Sometimes I think people don't stop to think about how much a trillion dollars is
If you were given $1,000,000,000,000 you could spend roughly $36.5 millions dollars PER DAY for 75 years
Another way to look at it; according to Forbes, the top 25 richest people in the world have a COMBINED net worth of $986 Billion. Bill Gates is currently worth 0.75% of a Trillion dollars
$1 trillion in physical cash, all in $100 bills, would weigh 10 million kgs (~11,000 US Tons) meaning to move it, you would need nearly 300 18-wheel semis
Don't get me wrong, I would love to have a trillion dollars. It's just that, when you look at the numbers, that is a staggering amount of money by anyone's standards
[deleted] ยท 1025 points ยท Posted at 14:47:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bill Gates is worth 7,5% not 0,75%
ipwnedx ยท 2131 points ยท Posted at 15:30:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You sure about that /u/dumbass_fuck
[deleted] ยท 1912 points ยท Posted at 15:32:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I may be a dumbass fuck, but I know my chemistry!
Wunder_Bred ยท 258 points ยท Posted at 16:28:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
well played
GusN ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:15:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow...
Miniminotaur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:13:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is the 36.5m taking into consideration interest? If not that's a whole lot longer than 75 years. There's an alternate reality out there that the lottery rolled over to a trillion dollars as no one won it each week.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:27:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would give you gold, but c'mon, I don't have a trillion dollars...
PhillyWick ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:50:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, but you still inexplicably use commas instead of decimals!
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:40:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
JasonMan34 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:01:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Except the comma is used for other operations that require 2 decimal numbers (e.g. Pol), so why complicate?
Iandian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:14:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I laughed out loud there. Good one bro!
Rapidshotz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:41:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Okay Jesse Pinkman
Scott_Hates_Sleep ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:03:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out
mikethemofo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yay for dimensional analysis.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:33:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:45:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At least he knows the difference between TL and TSM
:(
FinalLimit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:48:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
S a d b o y s :(
obvnotlupus ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:45:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's funny because it reads like "You sure about that, you dumbass fuck" Hehoho. I am laughing.
FlyingBadgerBrewery ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:45:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lets not resort to name calling.
Koalitygainz_921 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:55:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like how even the /u/ part makes it funnier
jcb088 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
His name is perfection. Truly the best name ever to grace the entirety of all usernames in all databases in all of the recorded and non recorded histories of every parallel universe including this one.
Amazing.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 15:41:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
8.5 according to Google.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:42:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, read so too. Just changed the decimal point of his value.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:03:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:26:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Most European countries use , as a decimal separator
WayneKrane ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:48:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And South American companies, at least the ones I have worked with
At_Least_100_Wizards ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 01:51:58 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And it's kind of stupid IMO.
4,853,902.025
vs.
4.853.902,025
When you say it out loud, you say "point zero two five" when the word "point" is indicated by a period (a la, the point of a pencil creating it, etc.) ... and when you take pauses in saying an extensive number ("four million,comma eight hundred fifty-three thousand,comma nine hundred and two"), that's signified by a comma, as you would signify any other pause. Just makes no sense to do it otherwise.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:29:58 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No it's not stupid. We'd say 'comma zero two five'. Not 'point zero two five'. Also you'd never pause that long between saying four million and eight hundred blablabla. If you'd pause that long it seems like their seperate numbers
At_Least_100_Wizards ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:36:57 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Even exceptionally minor pauses are marked by commas, bud. Many things that don't even sound like pauses are indicated as such by commas.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:56:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:11:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You haven't even witnessed my glorious debut in /r/futurology!
FreakinGeese ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:17:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
...
Well played
buttery_shame_cave ยท 93 points ยท Posted at 17:19:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
a trillion dollars is so much money that if you let it ride on interest alone, you would be the 15th largest GDP in the world by yourself(ahead of mexico).
NonaSuomi282 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 20:54:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I get the feeling that at some point around the mid-12-digit range it's not mathematically or economically possible to "let it ride" and accrue interest.
buttery_shame_cave ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:07:49 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
oh i imagine you most certainly could let it accrue interest but you'd be doing transactions with governments rather than banks, as they're the only folks who'd be willing to do transactions that large.
PointyOintment ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:09:33 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But who pays the interest? I doubt any bank could afford the ~$36,000,000/day other comments have mentioned.
buttery_shame_cave ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 07:11:29 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
the governments would. at those sorts of financial levels, you're loaning governments money and getting regular payments on the debt.
i would happily snap up most of a trillion dollars of US federal debt. that shit's incredibly rock-solid as an investment, they never fail to make their payments and the interest is so steady it's all but a law of the universe.
gobells1126 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:42:01 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
True, but then you'd own more than 5% of the US federal bonds in existence. You would be the most powerful person in the country, period. Or they could just default the fuck out of you. For reference China and Japan each hold approx 1.15 Trillion in us bonds at any given time. That's a high stakes game to play as an individual investor whereas China and Japan have leverage because they're, ya know, countries.
buttery_shame_cave ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:20:04 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
eh, like i said, i'd happily buy a big chunk of a trillion dollars... i'd squirrel a few dozen billion into various markets so i'd have some liquidity.
TheShawnP ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 16:23:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To pile on, I did the arithmetic and if you were shopping the most expensive items in the world. Barring some exceptions, there isn't much you can do with trillion that you couldn't do with 4 Billion dollars.
martsimon ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 19:57:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Instead of buying a Bugatti (like a pleb), you buy Volkswagen- the company. Now you own Bugatti (and Audi, Lamborghini, Bentley, Porsche, etc)
TheShawnP ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 20:25:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well it would cost you 10's of billions for controlling stake in the company. For 15 million you could buy every car in every class of those companies. Significantly less risk and you still get everything you want.
Hey_im_miles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:58:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well... it's still something that 4 billion couldn't do that 1 trillion could.. so he is right. Also risk isn't even a factor with a trillion dollars.. also he didn't say he wanted all of those cars he said he would buy the company like a boss.. also if we are playing that game, then for much less you could rent each of those cars.
TheShawnP ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:14:26 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes but as a reference he said "Buying a Bugatti." The overarching theme I took from that was buying expensive cars. The risk factor would be the stock swings. Your 10+ billion dollar investment to gain controlling stake could take a dive. Even a 1% drop of an investment that size is 100 million lost. I just seems like more moving parts and hassles and risk for cars.
All of that being said he's a trillionaire and it probably doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.
Hey_im_miles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:44:36 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I meant that with 1 trillion, risk really isn't a thing. You could fuck up 999 different billion dollar deals and then still have 1000 millions to play with
DAWTSF ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 17:18:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invested at 5% per year you would make about $130+ million per day.
jkopecky ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 19:21:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair investing $1 Trillion would tank interest rates.
ViolentCheese ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 16:47:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Every advertisement would be for you. You are the economy and the market only wants your money
fanolato2 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:04:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I want to see mad men in that universe.
RedditConsciousness ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 18:27:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could spend $500 billion putting giving 10 million electric cars ($50,000 per car) away to the poorest 3% of the US. One of the biggest problems with escaping poverty is reliable transportation (getting to jobs). And you're combating greenhouse gas issues (in theory -- OTOH I know making the cars would cause some pollution) and fossil fuel scarcity (again in theory, part of making the cars uses plastics, polyesters, and other oil based products).
I'd still have $500 billion left. I could spend half of that setting up 40 million 5 KW solar panel installations for private homeowners ($12,500 per installation) in areas that get adequate sunlight for it to matter. This would boost US solar capacity from ~45 GW to ~245 GW (5 times more) while both lower utilities costs, using less fossil fuels and giving us cleaner air and water as a result.
Also the places building this stuff would need to employ folks, so it would be a boon to the economy as well.
So I guess my answer is save the world and still have $250 billion left over.
blue_alien_police ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:22:15 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Keep in mind that in order for the electric car plan to work, you'd have to also spend hundreds of millions (if not a few billion dollars) installing more charging stations in order to accommodate for those extra 10 million cars. And, as far as I can tell, those stations don't exactly come all that cheap, though, it would probably cost you less than the 10 million cars.
RedditConsciousness ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:24:26 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Perhaps put the cars in a limited geography like New England. I wonder too if there was a big enough userbase if gas stations wouldn't add recharge stations on their own -- as long as people will pay to charge their cars.
blue_alien_police ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:11:03 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That might work!
I think there would be a big enough userbase (and I'm assuming that you are talking about people actually using the cars, right?), I think the problem might lie more in finding places to put the charging stations, if gas stations didn't build their own. But, I can't imagine that (with gas prices being what they are) that anyone would shun an electric car (especially if it was free).
Also, doesn't it cost less to fill your car with electricity then gas (if it's not subsidized by a government program)? Or am I wrong?
777Sir ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:18:32 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you announced a plan to do it, businesses would put those charging stations up for you.
blue_alien_police ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:20:52 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ohhhh..... Well don't I feel dumb for not thinking of that. ha!
Rimiroy27 ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 14:27:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out
NegativeDeadBabies ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:22:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly, if I had that money, it would be impossible to convince me to save it. I would just spend a shit ton of money on guitars and other music gear.
Hey_im_miles ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:01:42 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could but every instrument ever made and still inadvertently be saving close to a trillion
awkook ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:24:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit. 35 million dollars PER DAY for 75 years!!!!! Thats insane!!!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:29:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
assuming you invested it and earned 5% annual interest that you withdrew, you could spend 50 billions dollars a year and lose zero dollars. so you could spend 137 million a day forever, losing no money whatsoever.
Turtley13 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:12:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yah people can't fathom people who have billions of dollars let alone millions. Even when someone has 3 million dollars. It would take someone making 50 grand a year NET 60 years to make that much.
HooptyDooDooMeister ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:42:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think this truly visualizes how big these numbers are. At least for me it does.
22bebo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:03:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a conversation with my friends about a similar situation (receive a trillion dollars for doing something). Ultimately we decided t actually wouldn't be all that useful, as one of two situations had to occur:
1) The money appeared spontaneously, instant resulting in a massive inflation of the US dollar and subsequently a worldwide economic calamity.
2) The money came out of the accounts of other people. So now you hold like 95% of the world's money, effectively making it worthless and also likely collapsing the worldwide economy. Maybe you get lucky and everyone else just agrees to switch to a new global monetary system and start over, since they are all essentially broke now so it can't hurt them.
People really don't grasp how big of a number a trillion is. It was so large I had to use physical descriptors to convince my friends it was worth doing any task for, since it literally meant you could buy whatever you want forever.
robblie_bob ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:59:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yet the US is $20 trillion in debt.
suuupreddit ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:08:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gross, not net, which makes that number close to meaningless as anything but a political tool to scare uninformed people.
Edit: Though, I just took a look at tte balance sheet and it's not much better.
mountainunicycler ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:03:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You didn't account for if you invest some of it.
If cone carefully, you'd make a lot of money off the interest and could spend even more per day.
If you had a bad day and wanted to screw with people, you could crash the stock market.
coolcatthemusical ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:01:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The average savings account pays an interest of 0.06% a year. To the average person this is so little it almost doesn't matter. However with 1 trillion in it you would be gaining around 60 billion a year.
ezieckel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:44:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Plot twist:- Op was talking about Zimbawe dollars 1 Zimbawe $=0.02 USD
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:10:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
deleted What is this?
darthjoey91 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So what you're saying is that if you literally woke up with 1 trillion dollars, you'd be dead because it would crush you.
onecraftymama ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:14:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for this. Throughout the whole thread I keep getting anxiety about how much money people would just blow lol
My inner voice, " Well uh...nobody would save any or invest it so it grows???"
MartinMan2213 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So... Charity?
dudeguymanthesecond ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:41:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You'd have to spend triple that just to spend interest compounding at 4%.
Chermzz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:17:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/theydidthemath
poorimaginations ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:22:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It just occurred to me it would be super hard to manage that amount of money.
I don't know if it's really possible to have that amount in an ordinary bank account either.
blue_alien_police ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:45:00 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd imagine you'd have to spread it around a bunch of banks around the world, especially if that bank is located in a off-shore tax-haven.
doorstopwood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:50:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow.
rarz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:19:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Better not wake up under that amount of cash... XD
sharlos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:11:23 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could buy a planet with that much money.
KU76 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:17:45 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It would take a train 110 cars long to move your money.
TheJeffreyLebowski ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:25:03 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He did the math
mary_jane48 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:35:51 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So your saying i need a train?
demoneyesturbo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:59:56 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The numbers are amazing. A million seconds is 11 days A billion seconds is 32 years A trillion would be... well... 32 thousand years. Give or take a century or two for leap years.
It's incredible.
NaG_CSGO ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 15:10:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/TheyDidTheMath
Feruos ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 16:56:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/theydidthemath
rorrr ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 18:32:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
$1 trillion is not as much as you think. You could easily spend it with a large infrastructure project. Or a small space colony project.
TLored ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:06:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahahahahahahahaha easily spend it, goshh your funny
sweatymcnuggets ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 19:19:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The top 25 on the list maybe. Still not the richest. I'm pretty sure Rothschild family has a few hundred trillion
EverlastingEnigma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:53 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You are probably being downvoted because that's a myth
sweatymcnuggets ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:40:06 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hope that article is true. Thanks.
CaffiendCA ยท 85 points ยท Posted at 19:15:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest. At 2% per year, the daily interest is almost 55 million a day. I'd give every reddit user to upvote me a million.
Lemonpiee ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:20:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
upvoted.
CaffiendCA ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:22:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Got yourself a million! Of potential money on imaginary money!
Lemonpiee ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:22:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you never know, best of luck getting that trilly
InterdimensionalTV ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:46:36 on March 11, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's a day late but I'm upvoting you just in case. Sort of like money cat but you're a people.
CaffiendCA ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:05:10 on March 11, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So a day late, but not a million short? I approve!
Dinocrest ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:47:12 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You can a It's the money thru western union
ThunderHumper21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:07:07 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think this was just a way to get upvotes.
pudd34 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:42:48 on March 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No bamboozles?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:31:05 on April 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's okay as long as you have bamboozle insurance
[deleted] ยท 1343 points ยท Posted at 12:57:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Run in 2020. Guaranteed win.
AdamBombTV ยท 1130 points ยท Posted at 15:50:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Unless you're planning on building a personal stadium with a race track or something, you should start running now. The best time to start doing exercise is today.
[deleted] ยท 46 points ยท Posted at 18:01:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
('o')b
('.')o
Darty96 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:16:26 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I haven't seen this version before... it took me a few minutes to figure out what this was, but now I'm excited to have learned a new thing.
Lehot ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:56:36 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It took me a while, too, so I'll just explain it for the rest. It's a guy holding his index finger up in the first line and his mouth is hanging open, and in the other line his mouth is closed and his index finger is down.
tilda432 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:11:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dad?
mylarrito ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 19:12:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The best time to start doing exercise is ten years ago. The second best time to start doing exercise is today.
PointyOintment ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:17:36 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wouldn't the second best time be ten years ago less a day? That would make today the 3653rd best time to start. Of course, ten years is arbitrary. It should probably be more like the number of years you've been alive minus four or so.
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 16:22:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
InParenthasis ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:31:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whooosh
[deleted] ยท 230 points ยท Posted at 16:02:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Jordy56 ยท 407 points ยท Posted at 16:08:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Looks at Trump.
You sure.
Looks at Hillary.
I see your point.
AQ90 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 22:38:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Looks back at Trump.
"We're going to build a trebuchet so large it could throw a 900kg projectile 3000 miles"
imthewiseguy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:29:15 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bwahaha
TheJediCounsel ยท -22 points ยท Posted at 17:20:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not sure trump is even that rich as he presents himself. What with so many failed business ventures and what not.
[deleted] ยท 53 points ยท Posted at 18:05:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How many?
Edit found this Trump has created 515 businesses and only 11 of them failed. that's a 97.86% success rate.
I find that pretty good considering the recent recession
Edit 2: I can't math its 97.86% thanks trotptkabasnbi
trotptkabasnbi ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 18:29:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
97.86%
call_911_to_diddle ยท -12 points ยท Posted at 18:08:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lemme just Google how much...
GuardianOfTriangles ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 19:12:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You don't get rich without failure. Every successful business has some departments, product lines, research ventures, etc. that fail.
And i'm not talking about past failures. Successful businesses will (should) have failures to this day.
The key is to know when to quit one venture and move on rather than continuously dumping in money, sure you will win eventually (like gambling).
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 18:55:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He has a few failed business ventures, and he did become bankrupt at one point.
However, he is still very rich. Despite the failed business ventures, he managed to expand enough that he is richer than both his father and his grandfather.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:07:15 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
ZhouDa ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:30:23 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Of course not. As the saying goes, owe a bank $100, that's your problem. Owe a bank $100 million dollars, it's the banks problem. The banks were never going to get anything what they put into the man by selling his assets, and the only reason he was able to borrow what he did was because of his father's influence.
I_Promise_Im_Working ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:23:54 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You'd be hard pressed to find a highly successful person without several failures under their belt
PungentBallSweat ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:59:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Money = Power
CellularBeing ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:16:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Money=power=unlimited candy supply
filled_with_bees ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:43:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could just give everyone in the US $2000 to vote for you and still have about 300 billion left
KVMechelen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:12:39 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or just give 50 bucks to 150 million people, that'd be more than plenty.
Gr1pp717 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:10:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But would you want to?
alabamara ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:19:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yup, I won't even be old enough to run but I think that's more than enough to pay off congress to lower the age requirement as well as buy the presidency.
Cyanize1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:31:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My father gave me a small loan of a trillion dollars.
Rex_Laso ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:47:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck, this guy nailed it
Bshep416 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:01:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donald spent hundreds of millions less than Hillary, who wasted a record of 1.2 billion on a loss
Pielsticker ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:19:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Trump has opened more doors for anyone to be able to run for president and win. Even more doors than the black guy he kicked out.
EpicToastable ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:29:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
YUGE
Jupiterswrath ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:52:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol fuck no. Actually being president decreases your possibilities in so many ways.
It would be much more efficient just to buy our whore Congress and find a decent puppet to the Presidency and begin running your shadow government behind the scenes.
Itzpersonal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:19:05 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A small loan of 1 trillion dollars
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:09:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Unless people decide to not vote for you.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why the hell would you want to be part of that shit show?
mw1994 ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 19:04:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
vote for me and you all get a thousand dollars, EZPZ. And since youd have to run as a democrat, free handouts are already one of their policies.
BadNewsBjork ยท 1311 points ยท Posted at 11:52:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Greece. Then rename it "Butt-Stuff" for the laughs.
[deleted] ยท 565 points ยท Posted at 15:14:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Capital of Butt Stuff would be "I Love" just so anyone who lives there has to say the live in I Love, Butt-Stuff
obvnotlupus ยท 250 points ยท Posted at 17:48:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean I do love butt stuff so if I was a Greek at the time the country was renamed Butt-Stuff, that wouldn't bother me so much.
Also, people who live there would be called Butt Stuffers, which is also excellent. I just think this is a great idea all around.
morenn_ ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 21:14:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Historically, "Butt Stuffers" describes the Greeks pretty well.
SurelyAwesome ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:59:56 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This isn't getting enough attention, so I wanted to personally tell you that you made me laugh.
morenn_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:30:17 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks! I thought it was pretty good.
E1294726gerw-090 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:31:37 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hi
TenNinetythree ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:11:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just about no one outside the US uses this town, country scheme.
milkofeverymammal ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:30:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, no, people go around Greece all the time saying they're from Athens, Greece.
TenNinetythree ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:35:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
People do get mad if you invert the scheme on them saying you're from Leverkusen, NRW and not mention the country.
bw1870 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is there a Leverkusen outside of Germany?
mfb- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:42:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leverkusen_(Remscheid)
Got merged into a larger village in 1906.
bw1870 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:55:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wasn't that one mention above - in NRW?
mfb- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:59:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, Leverkusen is a city with a population of 150,000. It is 25 km away from the Leverkusen (Remscheid) I linked which had a population of 50.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:39:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do people in the US ever use that? Seems to always be City, State (something that always frustrates me as a non-American. So pretentious to think I'd know where the fuck Illinois is. Just say you're from the US! Do you hear me saying I'm from Waverley, New South Wales?).
TenNinetythree ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:49:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
People in the US use City, State for everything in the US and City, Country for everything outside of it.
Toxicitor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:42:44 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And get this: If you tell an american that WA is the largest state, they won't believe you. Morons.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:19:22 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hehe - I'm assuming you mean WA in Australia?
Toxicitor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:17:43 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, I'm talking about Western Antarctica. It's on the opposite side to Eastern Antarctica.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:13:03 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is there even an east and west down there? ๐ค
Toxicitor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:16:24 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nope!
GameOfThrowsnz ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:40:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Imagine being from Deepinto.
ffthsunset71 ยท 183 points ยท Posted at 15:10:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's already a country called Djibouti. Close enough. <snickers>
Buzzardry ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 17:32:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've always wanted the capital to be renamed to "Taykidjin"
Fablemaster44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:25:22 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't get the joke
Orlitoq ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:22:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[Redacted]
[deleted] ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 16:35:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And it's a real shit hole.
bornfrustrated ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:17:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I forgot that country exists...
DAHFreedom ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:04:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shake shake shake;
Shake shake shake!
imthewiseguy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:28:55 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Funny story:
My classmate found Djibouti on a globe so he goes telling our teacher: "i found Djibouti!" <snickers>
The teacher responds: "I don't care about Djibouti! Get to finishing your work!"
I think it went over her head though lol
skippygo ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:23:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
<mars>
Lepang8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
<twix>
ItsMacAttack ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:33:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But the real question is: left Twix or right Twix?
Kilazur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:01:26 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aw gee, I was all out of politics
TheRedComet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:49:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And it's capital is Djibouti too
APUSHMeOffACliff ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 22:00:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's pronounced "zuh-booty". Last year in World History we had to divide up a bunch of countries for war winnings and stuff, and Djibouti was the one country everyone wanted.
Warpato ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:16:19 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No it isnt, the D is just silent, its ji-booty With the i in ji being like the i in live. Or like in gif. For Americans and like ee for Brits.
bozokeating ยท 175 points ยท Posted at 12:54:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With farts being the new currency.
shutupmeggie ยท 122 points ยท Posted at 15:47:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"That'll be six farts ma'am" "Damn it I can only get two out" "well if you fart on this cake we'll throw in a free anal bead" "Deal!"
locknloadchode ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:57:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/nocontext
Nutritionisawesome ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:55:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So lets say 60 smidgens. I tell you what... I'll do you a favor. I throw in a fart.
1982throwaway1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:50:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm blind so what's it gonna cost for the duck call and the stinkbait?
pseudoRobit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
what
lilbrownbears ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:57:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read that as anal bread.
shutupmeggie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:57 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you kinky bastard
ultradip ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:01:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How many farts to a shart?
shutupmeggie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:42 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
probably 10.
PMyourself ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:51:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Looks like /u/BadNewsBjork isn't going to be the only trillionaire!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:47:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Name it "fart" or whatever "fart" means in Greek though?
Toxicitor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:39:59 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Both, I change the national language.
SinDiese1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:53:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Suddenly a shortage of beans and cauliflower in pursuit of farts.
woefulwank ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:05:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'Ah man, I'm all out of toots, someone lend me a pumpf, I need pay off my student loan!'
LadyMethaneCuddles ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:15:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How many farts would be equivalent to a shart?
twennyjuan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:15:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm giggling at the thought of people frantically trying to bottle up their farts and determine their worth.
EyeFicksIt ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:51:28 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wrong, wrong wrong.
You call it "DO-butt-stuff"
So that people on vacation say, "we are going to Do-butt-stuff for the summer"
-Jason-B- ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:27:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please no. That's my home, you know.
DildoGiftcard ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 16:03:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What do you do with the remaining $999,999,999,000?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:30:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
HA! You win. Then if you read it in a map left to right, you'd have Butt-Stuff Turkey.
BadNewsBjork ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:09:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Never thought of that, wow
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:33:45 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gotta love the power of Reddit. Expanding our minds and showing us new ways. ...of course, a lot of it boils down to the same old shit.
Sayajiaji ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:36:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Athens, Butt-Stuff
Athen's Butt Stuff
pussibilities ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:38:29 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What would you do with the rest of the money though?
_jaime ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:21:17 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
God damn it, Reddit
NumberJ5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Island of Lesbos, located off the coast of Butt Stuff.
UnknownExploit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You are funny as fuck
rreighe2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:20:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Butt lice
TongueMySphincter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:52:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Butt stuff โข
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:46:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The people there will be called the ButtStuffians
MrNudeGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:50:27 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
omg this is so great. Don't even do anything to influence there government. Just name it Butt-Stuff then leave and let them sort out they're own affairs under there new name.
Decepticum ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 17:53:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What would you do with the other nine hundred ninety-nine billion nine hundred ninety-nine million nine hundred ninety-nine thousand dollar?
mnichols_2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:51:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do you think if Iraq attacked Turkey from behind, Greece would help?
sk3pt1c ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 21:18:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Greek here, crying laughing at this! Btw, surprisingly, not many ladies here do butt stuff :/
[deleted] ยท 528 points ยท Posted at 14:15:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
magby200 ยท 674 points ยท Posted at 16:47:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Congrats, you spent about 0,1% of your wealth
DontPromoteIgnorance ยท 213 points ยท Posted at 17:50:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
AND made depreciating trust funds.
hurleyburleyundone ยท 74 points ยท Posted at 18:15:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Destroying value with every single minute. He missed 3 zeroes... Just a walking mark for a unscrupulous financial advisor and lawyer.
snickers_snickers ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:37:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How would one go about making non-depreciating trust funds?
kirbythescot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:39:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What's wrong with trust funds?
natureruler ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:24:57 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have no idea for sure, but just my guess is that money that is in "safe, low low risk" investments is not actually making money as fast as the rate of inflation. So the value of the money would be decreasing over time.
DontPromoteIgnorance ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:20:18 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Safe, low low risk is what you do when the market dipping would ruin something you're using as a current source of income so any moderate risk could mean you can't afford to keep your house. If you're putting something away for somebody born 80 years from now and it spends all that time failing to match inflation...
picardo85 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 18:12:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Personally I would start wondering how not to fuck up the economy of... Well, a lot of places. That's so much money that just investing it or having it in a bank account would impact the economies around you. (I live in northern Europe). For example, I could pay for all national expenditure of Finland for the coming 20-ish years.
SuperNerdyTeen ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 21:09:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It is easy to pay off the expenditures of a country that doesn't exist!
Squiggmont ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 17:00:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What about the other $999 billion?
mikemch16 ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 17:00:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do you realize that with every subsequent generation you would lose 40% of the wealth to estate taxes? :(
depaysementKing ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 17:49:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Still better than spending all that money in one generation. This way is better to the economy and to his/her family.
mikemch16 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:51:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
True - it is still kind of a crazy thought that if you don't grow the money that you would lose $640 billion to the govt over 2 generations.
Lucassssssss ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:56:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It is a trust fund which (generally speaking) is exempt from IHT, because the descendants would not own the money, but be the beneficiary of the trust.
snickers_snickers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:38:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What if it were put into accounts that didn't have any connection to the U.S. government or bank systems? Is that a possibility?
mikemch16 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:41:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm pretty sure that is called tax evasion...
snickers_snickers ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:48:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Right, but I was under the impression most billionaires were tax evaders in some manner. Why can't a trillionaire be one as well?
doittuit ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:38:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You better pump thise numbers up! Those are rookie numbers in this racket!
OlegSentsov ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:47:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, first of all, I think that, as your direct descendants are not 1 by generation, the last ones would be like #95 to #105. This would lead to a big succession war.
crunchtaco ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:13:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Boooorinnnggg
Damn_Croissant ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:07:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The money would be in safe, low low risk investments.
US Treasury Bonds
cosmic_riviera ยท 459 points ยท Posted at 13:16:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a Nintendo switch.
physicalred ยท 129 points ยท Posted at 17:57:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yep.
Buy a Nintendo Switch, then book a (first-class) flight to the nicest resort I can find, and play through Zelda on the beach.
I can figure everything else out after.
Brainkey ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 19:04:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My past experience with gaming at the beach: Too much sun = not enough light coming from screen. Also sand. Lots of sand goes into lots of tiny places.
tittysprinkle9000 ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 19:14:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's course and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere.
BrianScissorhands ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 19:17:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
*coarse
jigglehiggins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:45:47 on April 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well of course
Toxicitor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:55:41 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not like a trillion dollars.
devi83 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:25:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sure with a trillion dollars I can pay something to stand over me holding an umbrella while a couple hotties brush off any sand that gets on me.
vernscustoms ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:15:18 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And be all like "BITCH why you gotta brush so hard? My skin is sensitive."
GenXer1977 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:03 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Four Seasons Bali is frequently a contender for best hotel on the world, but I've always wanted to go to the W Retreat in the Maldives. But real ballers don't fly first class. They charter a plane.
Source: work in the travel industry
Sound_of_Science ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 19:22:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man are you fuckin kidding me?
Buy a $10,000 gaming PC with four of the strongest graphics cards, the fastest i7, a fancy water cooling system, tons of RAM, and overclock that bitch. Buy a 4k 144 Hz monitor, a Vive, and a $1500 pair of studio headphones. Personally pay Nintendo to port BotW to PC with VR support, and play that masterpiece in VR (or 4k 144 Hz) while sitting in the most comfortable chair you can find.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:57:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd hate to be the guy that says "this" but...
Wait, why stop at 10 grand, you have way more than that! Get the best server grade hardware and as many expansion cards, SSDs, RAM etc. you can fit in that thing, set up some crazy RAID config and get a large VESA mount with an array of 4K panels, hell, 8K panels.
Remi_The_master ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:45:30 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
and pay Linus to do it for you in a maid costume
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 23:27:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just get a ps4 slim tbh
Edit: Whoops, forgot the /s
Dravarden ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:23:11 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
buy sony and microsoft and kill the console lines
buy valve and force them to work on half life 3
buy blizzard and make them buff mercy because mercy main btw
Toxicitor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:19:53 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A trillion dollars is surprisingly effective.
Toxicitor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:20:28 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I haven't heard of this new "one-downing" trend, is it fun?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:23:25 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not for my karma apparently
RobertAPetersen ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 18:04:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Nintendo. And Sony and Microsoft.
LordNoddy ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 18:20:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Microsoft = $407b market value
Sony = $34.1b market value
Nintendo = $30.67b market value
Total = $471.77b + 10% = $518.947 billion.
That's on huge fucking purchase.
RobertAPetersen ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 18:21:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
True, but you still have about $500 billion left.
LordNoddy ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 18:37:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That. And, if you play your cards right, your stock purchase could end up being worth more in the future.
Do nothing with the Sony stock. They're going down the shitter right now. Microsoft is where the real investment is. They've been steadily adding value since Satya Nadella took over, and are predicted to overtake Apple as the most valueable company in a few years.
Nintendo could just be practice stock.
wranglingmonkies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:46:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Plus all the money you would make off of those companies as the profits run in.
jigglehiggins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:47:15 on April 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/theydidthemath
Blue_Blaze72 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:05:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Nintendo.
Smash-Bros-Melee ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 18:12:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It would be my chance to approve Melee HD.
felipegbq ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 18:09:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck it, just buy nintendo
Nutritionisawesome ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:58:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Goodbye console exclusives.
Toxicitor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:57:16 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god, just throw away a few million dollars on hiring people to make PC ports of every console exclusive.
antiname ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:23:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make the Switch as powerful as the Xbox One but still keep it handheld and $300. Win everything.
euron_my_mind ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:31:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy a switch and a BotW master edition on ebay. That'd be enough for me for a while, the rest of the money can chill.
RasmusSW ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:56:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And 40 TVs & docks and put them in various places!
import_things ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:14:21 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Nintendo.
CatoDarpa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:55:13 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think i would just buy Nintendo, and force them to stop this dated "making our system hard to find makes it seem elite" crap.
They are the only company that still consistently "fuck up" their shipping numbers.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:09:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
rubiklogic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think almost anything costing 3-10 of your net worth is worth it
All_Your_Base ยท 2438 points ยท Posted at 10:34:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time, man.
The__Butt__Pirate ยท 724 points ยท Posted at 11:44:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuckin' A
SirGr1ffin ยท 456 points ยท Posted at 15:19:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And B!
IlIIllIIIllIllIllIll ยท 257 points ยท Posted at 16:37:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At the same time!
nousernamesleftsosad ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 16:44:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My man!
sander1095 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:48:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lookin' Good!
Jabels86 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:39:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How about 4?
Zozoter ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:53:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No I'd be the only man.
MrSoapAd ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:13:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd pay to C that.
IlIIllIIIllIllIllIll ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:53:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll give the D
Galactica4 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:42:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I never thought I would see that thread referenced and infact i cant even remember wat thread it is but here we are
marlow41 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:57:54 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Integral properties of the Structural Dynamics of Flow.
Spectrum-Art ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:27:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How do you remember your username???
IlIIllIIIllIllIllIll ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:53:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A password manager.
Spectrum-Art ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:03:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fair enough.
Listentwome_ ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:30:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
at the same damn time!
WhiskeyAndVinyl ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:02:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For that kind of money you could get a girl with solid Es.
Just sayin'.
dmizenopants ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:19:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck a B, it has 2 holes
[deleted] ยท 274 points ยท Posted at 13:24:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
thehonestyfish ยท 220 points ยท Posted at 13:42:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shit no, man.
Whybother554 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:35:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, man
pauses as if processing the disgust
Shit no, man
GeneralMalaiseRB ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:04:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would have them liquidated for being insolent.
xDemoli ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:36:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once, so I burned down the building.
Willyjwade ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:57:10 on March 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just started working help desk and all we are doing right now is printer support so we make office space jokes all the time and I love to say "you look like you have a car if the Monday's" to people on days other than Monday. Especially because they grown then go into full panic mode and go "WAIT! It's Wednesday right? Oh thank god." and then I get to enjoy having caused that panic, I'm sure eventually the thrill will die but for now it lights up my day.
RigidChop ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 18:25:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey Peter! Check out this chick on Channel 9!
Dent18 ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 15:24:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
here is an excerpt from my trillion dollar spreadsheet.
how about 3?
Tulee ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 16:16:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think we need to see the rest of that spreadsheet.
pspetrini ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:39:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would they be in character from GOT? And are you expecting to have sex with them all at the same time? And how many times are you going to have sex with them because I imagine if you only get one pop, it's going to be over in about two minutes from the sheer excitement and well before you actually get to physically penetrate all three.
Also, who do you start with and who do you save for the end? Do you worry about their feelings? Do you get to videotape it? Does videotaping it change the price?
So much to worry about.
BlueFalcon3725 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:38:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck that, I want to know what's up with the old timey ship.
wasabi_sama ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:39:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
maisie williams?
Excalibur54 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:04:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean... sure. I wouldn't complain.
vernscustoms ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:16:54 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She would just watch and hold the camera.
flockage22 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 17:30:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would do nothing, I'd sit on my ass all day, I would do nothing. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4lmW2tZP2kU
sooner51882 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 18:40:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you dont need a million dollars to do nothing. look at my cousin. hes broke. dont do shit
sooner51882 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:38:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
disappointed i had to scroll 2/3 of the way down this page to find this response. how is this not top comment?
GameOfThrowsnz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:32:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's funny, no doubt. But it's also the most obvious answer. See above for more creative responses.
[deleted] ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 11:05:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
thesunscreen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:19:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well the operation to have a butt dick grafted on wouldn't be cheap.
(Yes I get the office space reference)
thelonelybiped ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:27:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're right. 1 trillion women at once!
Existential_Robot ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 16:54:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You don't need a trillion dollars to do two chicks at the same time.
jurrasicUser ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:22:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some people are just that ugly.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:31:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
_
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:35:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out.
DrEllisD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:43:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shit, Trump doesn't have a trillion
Javanz ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:32:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, the type of chicks that'd double up on a dude like me do
GoopyEyeBooger ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:29:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think if I had a trillion dollars I could hook that up, chick's dig a dude with money.
daftvalkyrie ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:53:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, not all chicks.
ChickenBaconPoutine ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:39:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually the math says it should be 2,000,000 chicks at the same time, if the going rate is 2 per 1M.
xeskind30 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:06:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damn, I came here to say this!
DeMatt31 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:19:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not all chicks will do it for money but the ones that will double up on me will man
NbAlIvEr100 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:36:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ctrl+F: type "chicks" = Found what I was looking for.
Ph03n1X1 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:47:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was really hoping this would be the top comment.
Brolef ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:08:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd do one chick at the same time, living the life man.
rorrr ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:31:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That would be half a trillion.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:49:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
pspetrini ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:41:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah but inflation doe.
Cakepufft ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:56:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 to the 1 from the 1 to the 3
kdiddy733 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:07:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Scrolled all the way down looking for this answer
Anghel412 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:50:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know what I'd do? Nothing....
Nothin? You don't need a
milliontrillion dollars to do nothin. Take a look at my cousin, he's broke, don't do shit.Dookie_boy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:00:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldn't know where to get two chicks even with the zillion dollars.
pspetrini ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:42:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to a Zumba class.
blink121990 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:25:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
While watching karate movies in the background I can only assume.
GameOfThrowsnz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:30:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How about 5 chicks, all the time? Might as well keep them on payroll.
boombotser ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:56:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was only waiting for this comment
ConradJohnson ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:57:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Came here for this. Was not disappointed.
bmacorr ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:07:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This guy fucks
Blues2112 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:13:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
came into this thread looking for this. Did not disappoint!
GeekofFury ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:19:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuckin' A, man.
APUSHMeOffACliff ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:03:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Like synchronized swimmers?
RecessiveMason ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:45:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Came here for this, now I can leave.
addakorn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:48:36 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could probably spring for four
danfromwaterloo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:03:56 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Came here for this. A+ would read again.
dictatordonkey ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:25:51 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the correct answer.
usmcmak ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:33:55 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went through every reply looking for this!
ffthsunset71 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:09:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Beat me to it!
amethodicalmadness ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:27:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know why I read it in The Dude's voice
daftvalkyrie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:53:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me neither, since Lawrence said it.
cottoncandyjunkie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:42:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And one cup
JoshSidekick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:29:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd take 20 million dollars and try to Brewster's Millions that shit at a Reno brothel.
jeffh4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:31:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy myself 10, 20, 30 women...
Note: quote from the film Kelly's Heroes.
retardcharizard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:09:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You can do that with like $25 and a decent personality.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:11:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This guy fucks.
no-sound_somuch_fury ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 17:01:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This comment should be banned from askreddit
Javanz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:34:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ask stock questions, get stock answers
priteeboy ยท 534 points ยท Posted at 11:23:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd be thrilled but in a state of panic at the same time, like when your'e next in line to go on a badass roller coaster and the technician is already securing your bar. Thrilled at the thought of having what might as well be an unlimited amount of money. Panic at the thought of where it came from and am I going to get into serious trouble for having it.
But if the bank gives me the all clear and I know it's safe to blowthen I'd be jumping with glee and informing my family immediately. "Quit your respective shitty jobs like I'm going to because none of us will ever need to work again for the rest of our lives!".
I'd probably plan a trip with my brothers and parents and other family members. I have nowhere in particular I wanna go that badly that I couldn't wait but the family might have some countries on their bucket lists and hell - why not visit them all? I'm gonna need that inspiration when I come back and start thinking of how I want to design my ultimate home so I can retire young in luxury exactly where I'd be most content with the local community, climate and culture. My family would all get houses and new cars too, we all work so much and have so little - we deserve something fucki'n nice for once.
Once I've bought all the stuff I want - dream house, luxury car, designer clothes and every collectible item I've ever drooled over. I'd spend the rest on things that I feel passionate about. Probably pour some into the community I wind up in to make it even cooler. Some towards renewable energy (how many houses can I buy solar panels for?) some towards environmental preservation etc.
Dent18 ยท 488 points ยท Posted at 15:57:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've been making a spreadsheet and I'm literally out of ideas. I put $20 billion into national parks and animal reserves and music education for kids. I bought the majority of Apple for $250 billion
1 trillion is a disgusting amount of money
really_original_name ยท 213 points ยท Posted at 16:58:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How about start a space race to colonize mars and launch a mining operation to the asteroid belt. That could make a dent in the trillion dollars.
[deleted] ยท 148 points ยท Posted at 18:12:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make a $100 billion dollar reward for the first organization to land a person on mars and actually send the cash to mars so they have to go get it.
jjiceman ยท 64 points ยท Posted at 18:49:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
$100 billion USD in 100 dollar bills would weigh about 1,100 tons. If you could manage to get that to Mars, we'd be set.
blendertricks ยท 124 points ยท Posted at 19:22:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's in a prepaid debit card.
buffalochickenwing ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 19:30:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And greendot pulls the biggest exit scam ever
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:30:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was thinking a cashiers check.
Qaeta ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:53:08 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
slow down hitler.
PointyOintment ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:34:13 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put it in a cryptocurrency (maybe a custom one that you personally back, to avoid complications with devaluing an existing one), and send the private key to the reward wallet to Mars.
ViralStarfish ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:07:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like this idea more than I probably should and I'm not quite sure why.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:29:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's what I'm here for: uncertainty
pyroSeven ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:31:51 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I smell /r/writingprompts
Hippopoctopus ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 18:35:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A space mining company is also a solid LOOOOOOONG term investment. Being the first out there is going to be a very powerful market position 100 years from now.
Dyolf_Knip ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 18:36:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, you could make a pretty good start setting up a self-sustaining manufacturing complex up in orbit with that kind of money. Divert a small asteroid and a comet into orbit, and you've got yourself raw materials to last for ages.
Fuzzymuscles ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:04:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd imagine world leaders will take issue with that. I mean, I really hope they would. Depending on how small, a screw up could cost a lot of lives.
Dyolf_Knip ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:09:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thing is, they're not easy to move. It takes a lot of effort and power to make even small changes. Orbital mechanics as very much a mature science, it's not really possible to accidentally make something that big zig instead of zag.
In any event, you'd capture it very high up and then very slowly begin bringing it down to a MEO altitude.
antiname ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:18:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or you could just throw it at the moon and mine it from there.
Dyolf_Knip ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:22:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The moon is 384,000 km away, and at the bottom of another gravity well, albeit a shallower one than Earth. That would defeat the entire purpose.
I'm thinking more like 2000 km. Close enough to be easily accessible, high enough that there's not much crowding, and air drag is basically nonexistent, not that it would affect something that heavy and dense even at lower altitudes.
test98 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:46:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And then you'd start making even more money back selling the billion tons of platinum and shit you mined.
really_original_name ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:54:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then we develop interstellar travel so that I can do two alien chicks at the same time.
test98 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now you're talking.
Hey, we're gonna split the money when it comes through, right?
really_original_name ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:16:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Split huh?
Depends on how much capital you are willing to contribute. Or I can offer an Interest bearing share of the company and split the annual profits of the company at a ratio of 3:2.
test98 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a tad short on capital at the moment, so your deal sounds good to me.
Just PM me when your ready to make the first payment.
Pleasure doing business with you sir/madam
:)
Voice_Of_Sad_Truths ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 16:49:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy all of Apple. Then fix that 2 hr screen on time.
wretcheddawn ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 18:10:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy all of Apple. Add back headphone jacks and USB2 ports, and put bigger batteries in the iPhones. Upgrade the Mac Pro. You're welcome , everyone.
Phlum ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:12:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And bring back iPod Classics.
DiversityThePsycho ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:07:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make it matte black and you've got /u/Marques-Brownlee's wet dream
wretcheddawn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:26:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Done, and Marques Brownlee gets the first one.
RenaKunisaki ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:58:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
USB3 type C.
wranglingmonkies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:44:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude USB 3
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:12:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Voice_Of_Sad_Truths ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:19:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're not getting it. I'm saying the iPhone's battery only lasts 2 hrs with screen on.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 17:28:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Lycaneus ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 18:01:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You have no chance to survive make your time, ha ha ha.
SuccessAndSerenity ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:39:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yo straight up what is this conversation.
tomsawing ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:57:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's one of the first internet memes. Here is a video of the original. It was then made into a song. I'm sure there are many other versions but those two were insanely prevalent.
Robots_Never_Die ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:49:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're not getting it. He was responding as if you said
instead of what you really meant
ย
Additional Resources: XKCD
jamespotter22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:06:12 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So you've still got 333 billion
1redwing1 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:55:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ya know, you can actually donate to pay off the national debt.
Corte-Real ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 17:40:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The US National Debt is like 20 Trillion Dollars...... and growing exponentially every minute...
_GuyOnABuffalo_ ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 18:19:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's like... 20 disgusting.
DiversityThePsycho ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:12:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Who gives a shit about paying off the national debt? One trillion will hardly make a dent, may as well use it on yourself. If OP said 21 or more trillion I'd happily pay it off.
Babayaga20000 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:28:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bring the fucking headphone jack back.
aspoels ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:10:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You don't need to buy that much of them-- thats a quarter of your funds. You just need to buy a crap-ton of their stock and they'll listen to you.
LoyalStork ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:31:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Where'd you get the idea that you can buy majority of Apple for 250 bil?
xinik ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:33:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1 trillion is do whatever whenever however money.
I wonder if you could effectively buy like West Virginia or Idaho or something with that kind of money and turn the entire thing into a national park...
I would probably just buy an NFL franchise though and pretend it was real life John Madden football. I mean it would cost less than 1% of my total cash why the hell not?
blue_alien_police ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:04:35 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or you could buy every team in the league for about 100 billion. Then you could make some real changes.
Now, to your question about buying states....
Here is a reddit thread on how much it would take to buy Kentucky.
laddergoat89 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:16:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why bother buying Apple? To make profit? You have more money than you could ever need.
blumpkinpumpkin10 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:43:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have an essay contest where you pay off 3 billion dollars worth of student loans top 1,000 get free college. Idk just a thought.
Tredesde ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:00:08 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy Comcast, take it private and then start cleaning house
TheDylsexic ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:50:40 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Upload your spreadsheet here. I'm sure we'd all love to add to it.
alberto549865 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A space elevator.
Turtledonuts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:57:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd keep 10 billion, buy out apple or microsoft or google, and then donate all the rest to science. 740 billion is a lot for biology research.
nathreed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:47:51 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're going to need more like $363 billion to buy a 50.1% stake in Apple. Market cap is 725B now.
priteeboy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:56:21 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah I don't think I could even spend more than a billion on stuff I just want for myself and my family (if we lived together it would be an ultra-modern mansion in the most exclusive and desirable area I can find, I'd like to keep them in my life and they'd be crazy to pass up this lifestyle without having to pay for it themselves)
A billion should easily cover that with money to still spare. Maybe I'll spend the rest building a new city that will hopefully become self-sufficient based of tourism. Think a Dubai like city but better because it'll be in a western country ;)
kongburrito ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 15:36:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Let me know where you decide to go. When you get kidnapped, I just need to make sure I can report it.
priteeboy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:49:10 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That would be my only real concern - But I'd imagine that kind of money can buy someone some pretty badass protection. There'd be camera's scanning every square inch of my property 24-7.
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 16:50:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wells J. Fargo himself would fly in on his golden jet from Rich Peopleville to give you a blowjob if you asked to put a quarter of that money in his bank.
papalonian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:30:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And he'd do the same to convince you not to take it out shortly after.
priteeboy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:57:47 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldn't want that too, so no quarter-trillion for him.
Vanguard978 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:18:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just a little tip: Don't tell ANYONE except your very immediate family. People tend to come out of the woodworks when you announce that you have a ton of money.
ItsMacAttack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:48:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't even tell your immediate family. Tell them you got a great new job. They'll ask what the job is. Tell them it is a consulting position. Nobody really knows what that means, so they'll just say, "oh, ok, that's great!" And nod their heads.
Every trip you make just say it's a company trip and they are welcome to come along. Make up some shot about a private meeting you must attend during one afternoon out of the vacation. Get some bookers for a few hours to pass the time and tell the fam that the meeting went well when you return. Repeat for the rest of your life.
Vanguard978 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:53:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That could work, but what if someone asks the specifics? Would you just make up some shit?
priteeboy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:46:53 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My family would know I'd never get into something like that though. You just don't go from being a waiter in a local restaurant that few people outside of town have heard of, to being a consultant who travels the world and gets to stay in luxury resorts. I'd have to tell them. They are sensible people and I trust them - plus I'd give them incentive to keep their mouths shut, if they blow it for me they won't get anything.
priteeboy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:17:24 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I already have a mental "If I won lotto" plan which I admit mostly just exists out of wishful thinking - but hey, if anyone can get struck by lightning, then anyone can win lotto. I'd much rather the latter though.
I'd first tell my immediate family and only them. I've never been in one of those big connected families where aunts, uncles, cousins etc all gather 'round at Christmas time so they aren't a big part of my life and I've had nothing to do with any of them since my early teens. I'd tell my mother, father, both grandmothers and my two brothers and their respective fiance's - a mere 8 people who actually mean anything to me at all even though there's dozens more I'm "related to" but have nothing to do with.
I'd hand in my two week's notice at work. Yep, as much as I hate my job I wouldn't just walk out on the spot. I'd at least honour them by giving them enough time to find a replacement. 2 weeks of work will be much easier to swallow when I know it's my last 2 weeks before a very early (and very comfortable) retirement. I'd probably just make up a casual but not entirely untrue excuse - I'm moving far away (and I would given that much cash)
I'd disappear from town quietly and bring my family along so we can live in peace somewhere nice and not have anyone we know hunt us down should they find out what we got.
Vanguard978 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:43:53 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's very similar to mine. I would tell my parents and my sister, and her respective fiance, hand in my resignation for my job, and go find a cabin somewhere in the smoky mountains in Georgia.
priteeboy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:51:18 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's nice to even just think about stuff like this. Though I'm more of a seaside person than a mountains person (not that we have much in the way of mountains in Australia anyway ;p)
celocanth13 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:21:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, first thing I'd do is call my bank and alert them to a decimal error they made.
Dolly--Lolly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:54:47 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Arent you from deviantart?
priteeboy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:19:46 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah!
Dolly--Lolly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:53 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
From the forums? Oh boy hi
priteeboy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:05:25 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yep! Hi!
Dolly--Lolly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:16:07 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What's your opiniรณn on Reddit? :D
priteeboy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:35:38 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Much more content than the dA forums, and much less dumb teenagers who complain about my replies being too long just because they contained more than five words. But I like to juggle both though, since while reddit has more frequent and interesting new topics - dA I feel still has a friendlier community :)
Dolly--Lolly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:56:13 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Im much more content too, more diverse, I feel the dA forums has like 3 people
priteeboy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:07:52 on March 11, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And too many trolls there now making shitty threads of which they don't even bother responding to half the time. I can only listen to that SuperiorAsian guy rant on about the same damn thing so many times before it starts losing its novelty.
sDotAgain ยท 221 points ยท Posted at 12:31:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would whack off at least once.
Creolucius ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 16:49:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Never do or decide anything important without a quick whacking"
Wise man!
declared_somnium ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 17:58:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The good old victory wank.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:20:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yep now that i thibk about it, i would withdraw $77 and bust a nut on the bills
Galahead ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:54:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
with that kind of money you wouldnt need to ever whack off by yourself again
Nutritionisawesome ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:01:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One dollar for every sperm!
hxczach13 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:44:08 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
เฒ _เฒ
FuzzyDude97 ยท 121 points ยท Posted at 13:14:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hookers with teeth!
john_doe36 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 16:48:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You missed a major opportunity there, the gums make it magnificent
smpsnfn13 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 18:39:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy em all dentures, then they can look classy until it's time.
SteelMemes1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:59:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Only buy the ones that take credit cards. The rich ones.
definitelynotdeleted ยท 910 points ยท Posted at 10:55:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy myself 100 million dollars worth of reddit gold.
Burritosfordays ยท 618 points ยท Posted at 11:24:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You may as well buy majority share and own this bitch
[deleted] ยท 462 points ยท Posted at 13:25:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
jeanbonswaggy ยท 261 points ยท Posted at 14:02:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well he probably doesn't
dorkdiariesisforboys ยท 486 points ยท Posted at 14:37:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shh... You don't want him to edit your comment
pspetrini ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 19:44:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He would never edit a comment.
Edit: Because he's the most glorious person in the entire world.
My edit: Shit.
Siphyre ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:40:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Too late!
terlin ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 17:55:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't worry, he's too busy eating popcorn.
imthewiseguy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:30:53 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[edited by u/spez]
pyroSeven ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:25:54 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ayy ohh!
Kazz3lrath ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:34:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He clearly does, how else would he edit our posts?
samzplourde ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:01:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah he just sends the ones that criticise trump to the top ๐ ๐
[deleted] ยท 70 points ยท Posted at 13:51:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
DeputyDomeshot ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:01:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yea his wife's boyfriend keeps track of the memes
Xheotris ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:12:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You, uh, you got a little formatting there. On your nose.
pieman7414 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:46:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
:)
BlueBlazeMV ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:23:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All I know is /u/spez is a giant, flaming, pile of great man and my hero.
ThandiGhandi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:45:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I owned reddit I would subtly screw with the anal political subs
Hammer_Jackson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:06:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He just watches, until he sees something he doesn't like, then he just edits.
JDSmith90 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:25:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Popcorn tastes good.
MusicforEarthworms ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:26:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wrong co-founder.
FucksGuysWithAccents ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 14:22:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was scrolling down to see if this was mentioned, yet.
I would definitely "buy" Reddit.
I would be Phoebe and all of you would be Rachel and Monica... Hence, you would ALL be my bitches!
(evil laugh)
Ihadashiteday ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Does a southern accent count?
FucksGuysWithAccents ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes but only if you don't use chewing tobacco and do not say ignorant things to all of my gay and black friends.
thatwhatisnot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:41:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Screw you...I'm going start my own Reddit... with hookers and blackjack.
dfslkjbnltalrvlxdguh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just... buy reddit.
and Google.
And Apple.
And Microsoft, samsung, phillips, sony and the rest.
Sax45 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:15:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fun fact! That is 2,088,554 years and 8 months of gold.
OneFatTurkey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:51:57 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy reddit
definitelynotdeleted ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:00:05 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't like responsibility.
[deleted] ยท 55 points ยท Posted at 11:21:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd call in sick tomorrow
[deleted] ยท 446 points ยท Posted at 11:33:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the love and affection of another human.
BiggieCheeseOfficial ยท 79 points ยท Posted at 14:24:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/me_irl
TheHappyClown ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 20:11:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/2meirl4meirl
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:24:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ilu
pf2- ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:10:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/absolutelynotme_irl
[deleted] ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 16:45:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll do it for half that.
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 17:08:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sold. Do you accept pocket lint and candy wrappers?
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 17:56:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do not
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:01:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So average looks and intelligence is out too?
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 18:32:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me or you?
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:38:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me. I'm wondering if they hold any value. At this point I'm pushing my luck and trying to keep the money.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:20:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Less likely but I can probably be won over with enthusiastic BJs.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:22:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man, I can't even get my own in my mouth. Probably not ready to take that step with a stranger.
AQ90 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:08:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You can have my love and affection for free if you'd like
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:16:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks my dude!
AQ90 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:23:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
<3 Anytime friendo
Take a visit to /r/wholesomememes sometime, we all love you <3
ThatTexasGuy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:44:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Strippers are way cheaper than that dude!
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:46:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I actually have a friend who's a prostitute. Can't bring myself to proposition her though. We just pals.
Uncle_Daddy_Kane ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:27:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I bet she could hook you up with one of her friends
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:30:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She's from out of town and travels alone. I've played out all possible scenarios.
DontHassleTheCassel ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:22:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
it me, ur another human
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:25:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hi!
feralstank ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:54:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Awww, buddy...
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:07:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
:(
RancorHi5 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:40:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've actually thought about this a bit, and my plan would be to keep the same car and apartment and if I ever started dating somebody I wouldn't let on that I was a trillion-air until I was sure they really liked me for me.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 20:10:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:09:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just threw up.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:50:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would employ seven Twi'lek dancers and probably install a Rancor pit.
RancorHi5 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:05:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
High five !
Fastllama13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:45:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey it's me, another human oh who am I kidding...
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:50:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone on Reddit is a simulation except you.
[deleted] ยท 149 points ยท Posted at 14:47:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
500 billion $2 blowies.
JeffThePenguin ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 19:39:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The average male will produce roughly 525 billion sperm cells over a lifetime" dude...
MechaCanadaII ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 22:52:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gotta ration them out
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 19:34:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do you want herpes? That's how you get herpes.
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 19:37:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
doesn't matter, had sex.
JJ954 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:54:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Id take quality or quantity. Ill take 1 Million blowjobs of a million dollars each of the most beautiful people alive.
Koalitygainz_921 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:00:22 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Super pretty people suck at oral because they count on being pretty to get you off
DraketheDrakeist ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:23:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
According to my calculations, you will need to get a blowjob every 0.0047304 seconds if you live another 75 years and never sleep.
jackmckill ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:20:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or 1, 1 trillion dollar blowie
jrodwhit ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:25:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or 1 trillion, 1 dollar blowies
cambiro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:35:16 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Who the fuck would be giving that blowie?
Speculaas_1985 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:30:04 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would, if I get 1 trillion dollars I will give the best damn blowie ;)
NHMasshole ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:31:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
can someone please do the math on how much semen he would have to create and the time on how long it would take to get this done!?
powerspyin1 ยท 186 points ยท Posted at 11:13:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Convert small parts of that money into British Pounds slowly.
Disputeanocean ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 16:24:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
BREXIT. Jk. I'm American idk what brexit even means
theniceguytroll ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:02:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's just somebody mispronouncing 'breakfast,' don't worry.
VoxUmbra ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 19:28:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"What's going on here?" "BREXIT"
genericname__ ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 18:05:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Britain exit. I learned this five days ago and I live in the bloody UK.
hurleyburleyundone ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 18:17:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol do u even know which way you voted?
frstr4706 ยท 45 points ยท Posted at 18:46:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"What is Brexit" was trending in the UK on Google the day after the vote
VogueModelMan ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 19:16:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On the day of the result 'what is the eu' was one of the highest searches on google
GameOfThrowsnz ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 19:45:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"I don't know what it is but I'll be buggered if I don't have an opinion on it." โ some yokel
kjmitch ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:30:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
โ literally almost everyone
genericname__ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:27:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Up.
Kelpsie ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:41:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I also voted to launch the island nation into the stratosphere.
TenNinetythree ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:56:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, that is a reference I have not heard in a long time!
SirButcher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:01:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For real? How the hell you was able to evade all of this shitstorm? O.O
genericname__ ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:40:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh you know, just sit at home and scream "FUCK" at a lego you just stepped on whilst crying about the lack of Jaffa Cakes.
ThatGuyThatDoneThat ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:34:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brexit's when the UK left the European Union.
smithandwesson2 ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 17:49:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We haven't left yet. They're fucking us slowly.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:00:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nice.
frstr4706 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:47:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't the economy slowly stabilizing now? I know it crashed right after the vote, but last I checked, the value of the pound has been rising on average
deadly_penguin ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:01:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quite slowly though. Last time I checked, it was still worth, comparatively, sod all.
mw1994 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 19:16:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yeah but you cant compare it to the pound immediately before the vote. Theres a lot of reasons to suspect that was artifical inlfation to try and sway people to remain.
NonaSuomi282 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:56:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And then once you literally own a simple majority of the currency, sell it all off at once, just for shits and giggles.
DansSpamJavelin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:41:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Only to find out the old ones aren't valid from October and that's all you have
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:28:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then after 5 years convert it back to $35
SirTrumpSupporter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:40:51 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You mean kilograms?
[deleted] ยท 100 points ยท Posted at 10:45:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
GFor1015 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 17:09:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That would probably make you a multi-trillionaire.
When_Ducks_Attack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:19:24 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
http://i.imgur.com/9XYDclI.jpg
therealquiz ยท 522 points ยท Posted at 10:49:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Google what trillion means.
thesunscreen ยท 749 points ยท Posted at 11:21:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A thousand billion.
That's not fuck you money, that's anal fuck all of you money.
gwh21 ยท 490 points ยท Posted at 11:28:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's get invited to the White House and take a shit in the middle of the Oval Office while staring Trump in the eye money
[deleted] ยท 189 points ยท Posted at 12:20:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
K242 ยท 196 points ยท Posted at 15:10:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Doesn't he pay for that
Gaiwain ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 17:32:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, I think it's Putin. Voldemort Putin.
wild_cannon ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:08:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"You can't pay to have the experience of a trillionaire shitting on you. But, Mr. President, you can have it for free." - MLK
The-Devils-Cunt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No that's the other one
designer_of_drugs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:20:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
trump only pays if you shit on his chest
Paspas31 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If he is invisible, he dont have to.
WerewolfPenis ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 15:22:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Better to do it on the floor. He might like having it done on him.
[deleted] ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 15:43:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get schwifty in the White House
NaG_CSGO ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:04:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:17:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He'd probably pay you especially if you're Russian.
roar-a-saur ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:06:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then I'll wipe my ass with those gold curtains. One hand gripping the gold curtains, the other hand holding up the middle finger, and right between the two is a huge grin and maniacal laugh.
ManWithYourPlan ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:43:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And then leave buck ass nude out the window cartwheeling across the lawn money.
Radioactive24 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:51:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shit, I'd do that for free.
cuzza69 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:34:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm crying!!!!!
1982throwaway1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:54:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TIL: the first thing I'd do.
DrQuint ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:40:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's a million billion over here.
And wait until you learn what a billion really is.
Swiftwin9s ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:17:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't it a billion billion in Britain.
thesunscreen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sort of. A billion British L's (not looking up the key code for that) would actually be something like 1.36 billion dollars.
MCLTB ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:43:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually, that's jump into my ass and fuck me without a condom but with AIDS and make me call you Daddy, without at least having taken me on a nice dinner before and then never call me back afterwards money
onenonlyjb ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:21:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
DOROTHY MANTOOTH IS A SAINT!
BRXF1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:36:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's "fuck you money" except the "you" are most of the world's governments.
Benemortis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:45:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No no, that's "hire Pence to lick Santorum from my balls after I fuck my husband" money.
fed45 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's ruin the economy money.
bozokeating ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 12:38:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought it was a 100.
thesunscreen ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 12:56:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
100 billion would be... eh a hundred billion.
bozokeating ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:58:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh sorry, I was mistaken. I had heard Bill Gates was gonna be the first trillionaire and given his net worth, I assumed.
thesunscreen ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:48:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Highly unlikely. Even if he still owned 100% of Microsoft the company is only valued at $280 Billion. Gate's is currently only worth $85 Billion.
Yes, I realize I said only. Thats how big a trillion dollars is, If my math is right that's 11.6 Bill Gates.
Burritosfordays ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 11:23:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A thousand thousand thousand thousand.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 13:26:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:52:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
MusicforEarthworms ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 13:59:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I'm a trillionaire I can afford to be eccentric.
ocha_94 ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 14:53:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1012 in the short scale, 1018 in the long scale. I suppose it's in the short scale as the world GDP is 1014 dollars
Kwetla ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 18:02:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So you would own 1% of the world's wealth?
You would be the 1%!
wretcheddawn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What base are those numbers in?
mosen2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:52:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1,000,000,000,000
mfb- ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:44:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll explain it if you give me 0.1% of it.
cambiro ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:32:48 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, people in this thread isn't even considering what "woke up with 1 trillion dollar" means. Most are considering "in your bank account" but even banks don't have that kind of money, so banks would screw you faster than you could say "trillion".
The other option is "woke up with 1 trillion dollar cash", which means waking up in the middle of a football field filled with hundred dollar bills. To which the only possible action would be maybe grab a few millions and run away, or simply run away and tell the cops "Hey, there's, like, a trillion dollars inside the Broncos stadium, I just woke up there, don't know what the fuck happened."
TheRedComet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:52:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How many... is a Brazilian?
HankScorpiosLunch ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:01:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Uggggh why isn't this gem at the top of the page?
[deleted] ยท 1353 points ยท Posted at 16:39:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my student loans, and with the remaining $20 probably get some chinese takeout
[deleted] ยท 406 points ยท Posted at 19:30:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With a trillion dollars I'd buy as many textbooks as I can and put them both in my backpack.
leadlinedcloud ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 19:58:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
(โ๏พโ๏พ)โ
verheyen ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:09:46 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Must be a handmedown backpack cos theres no way you can buy one new with the spare change
ChrisFarleyAMA ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:56:26 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
New first order of business. Buy all the textbooks in the world and give them out for free
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:40:52 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's really inefficient. Buy the textbook companies. Unceremoniously fire everyone who was responsible for the massive price increases over the last few years. Convert the companies into charities and force them to give out the textbooks. Not just to college students, either, just free the knowledge and subsidize the IPs required to keep it free. Throw an army of lawyers at everyone who tries to stop you (because they will).
ChrisFarleyAMA ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:59:06 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
New first order or business. Hire this guy. Congratulations
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:56:19 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Subtle, I like it.
Raven_Skyhawk ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 18:41:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
hahahahha awwwwww cries
lannibalnectar ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 19:21:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Guy said a trillion do... Oh
tk1178 ยท 133 points ยท Posted at 16:51:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I laughed a little too much at this in public.
blendertricks ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 19:20:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was it a laugh that quickly turned into a bitter, knowing cry?
Saratrooper ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 20:02:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes.
SickleWings ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:37:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's more then one kind of laugh?
Hammer_Jackson ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:02:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I downvoted this regularly on my porch
emij22 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:51:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was looking for this comment.
door_food ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:57:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
underrated comment right here
Elcatro ยท 91 points ยท Posted at 11:51:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd build a hamlet in a nice location and have incredible internet laid down to it, I'd then invite friends and their families as well as my own family to live there at cut price rent.
I'm a simple man, such a life would make me happy.
Honest_Honne ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 12:31:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why have them pay rent?
stupid_sexyflanders ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 18:01:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't ask him to explain, he's a simple man.
Binkusu ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 19:15:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They gotta work for their share.
Honest_Honne ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:29:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But person #1 didn't have to work for theirs...
Binkusu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:59:39 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes but now you have people that are reliant on you and will stay reliant on your money for who knows how long. It's the same idea if you won the lottery, having a lot of money, having people know, and giving it out changes people, though this is under the assumption of money less than a trillion dollars. Still, I've read stories about people getting a large amount of money out of nowhere, and while the danger of spending it all seems to disappear with a trillion, the danger of social attitudes can change. Suddenly rich people also sometimes commit suicide in higher rates too, from what it seems, but I don't have the data to prove it. Who knows, maybe being beyond insanely rich changes things, but I'd still be careful.
Honest_Honne ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:35:21 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But person #1 didn't have to work for theirs...
Or in other words, you
Binkusu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:53 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Person one didn't have to work for their money in this case since they just happened to get money. But they're still going to pay for their share of the housing. It's not the money but the contribution I'm talking about.
And what? I'll stay reliant on my own money, not on someone else's money to pay rent. Again, not about HOW I got the money but what is being done with it.
Honest_Honne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:05:49 on March 11, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you had 1 trillion dollars and you're sucking money out of other people's very limited income to give them a house over their head, you're a disgusting human being. Wanting them to pay from their pocket when you have such an enormous amount is so petty. What does it mean you want to make sure they're contributing? These are your family and friends. I don't know what kind of gross relationship you have with your friends and family, but I know that if I had 1 trillion dollars, I'd give them the world without expecting any "contribution" on their end. You're probably the kind of person to vote for a flat tax. Having someone with vastly less money pay a part when you just have SO MUCH to give is ridiculous. The only good argument I've seen was that they want their family doing something with their lives, and even that isn't the best argument. But wanting them to contribute? Pathetic.
Elcatro ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:34:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Knowing my friends & their families they'd feel really uncomfortable not contributing, so I'd set a low price to cover that base and make them feel alright about it.
Marineson09 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:59:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To make sure they are still doing something with their lives, AKA holding a job
noelcowardspeaksout ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:54:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nice idea. I want to set up a commune somewhere too.
Titus_Favonius ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:54:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You live like a king while your friends and family live in fear of displeasing you and being kicked out of your hamlet, whether that's something you'd ever intend to do or not
NonaSuomi282 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:01:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For real, with that kind of cash I'd pay the tier 1 providers to literally co-locate a fucking backbone router in my house.
Edit- fuckit, with that kind of money, I may as well just literally buy the internet. Like, the whole damn thing. All the interconnected shit that makes it up. Mine. Suck it FTC, net neutrality is no longer an issue of public policy, because I unilaterally dictate that it is the official company policy of the internet as a singular monolithic entity.
throw_karma ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:36:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TIL hamlet wasn't the guy's name.
colpo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:47:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, in The play it is.
Taxtro1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:13:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's a couple of millions. What will you do with the overwhelming majority of the trillion?
Reion2005 ยท 90 points ยท Posted at 12:49:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My friends and family are taken care of forever. Dream house. Invest in Michigan's infrastructure and failing school system with LEGITIMATE amounts of money.
-or-
Blow it all on H&B.
Avalain ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 15:12:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could literally fill a room with hookers every day for the rest of your life and hire an Hr department to manage them and buy enough blow to kill you 100 times over. That probably wouldn't even make a dent. In fact you could do both of your dream options and still hardly make a dent.
Reion2005 ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 17:35:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Want a job as my advisor?
scornucopia ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 18:45:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could have 5,000 $5,000/night hookers every night for 100 years and still have more money than Bill Gates left over.
BlueFalcon89 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:53:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gonna need some dick pills.
fed45 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:23:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In every major city on the planet. Even that wouldn't make a dent.
Raven_Skyhawk ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:59:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do both. You can buy a house of hookers and a room of blow and still have a ton of money left over!
ngserdna ยท 180 points ยท Posted at 14:31:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job. Make music forever
calsosta ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 18:07:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh God can you imagine the pitchfork review of your first album?
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 17:30:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck yeah.
Xheotris ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:15:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
See, I'd quit my music and make job forever.
yashchand ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:14:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man I'd hire a private teacher to teach me. I've self taught myself 2 instruments to a intermediate level but once you see a pro correct you, you realize you need a guiding hand.
hollowskull100 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:09:38 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The limitless budget for artistic creativity would be amazing.
uvberot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:22:36 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
im getting off just thinking about it
organ_transplant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh yes!
NukeML ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Use Benjamins as picks!
limma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:43:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or have people make music about you forever.
Orca4444 ยท 147 points ยท Posted at 14:38:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd make a deal with the government that I'd give them half if they don't ask where it came from
Zak385 ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 18:06:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So... is this after taxes?
Creolucius ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 18:10:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You trust your government to handle the money wisely?
Orca4444 ยท 59 points ยท Posted at 18:38:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, but I don't want the government to get suspicious when I start buying other countries.
SendMeYourHousePics ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:38:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, donate to every politician in the United States with the agreement that they don't ask where it came from. It'd cost far less than 500b, and you might even have the chance to make a few more laws for yourself.
If our politicians are still unwilling to do something about climate change, think of what they'll do for you.
fourunner ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:46:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, you have how much and you refuse to tell is where it's from. Okay, well you better tell us or you won's see it again.
Again?
Yeah, we already froze your assets, every 3 letter agency is already fighting over how much they get.
uniqueusername1989 ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 20:24:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Of course, NASA gets screwed again!
snickers_snickers ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:40:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Could it not be in accounts in other countries, not detectable?
fourunner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:49:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I doubt anyone here is smart enough to make 1 trillion dollars disappear in an untraceable way after having it randomly appear some morning and alerting the government to it's existence.
Orca4444 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:51:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll just ask Alexa how to make 1 trillion dollars disappear. She's neutral, right?
Toxicitor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:18:12 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She'll just buy 3 billion dollhouses.
snickers_snickers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:50:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I suppose what I'm asking is what if you woke up with one trillion dollars tomorrow in offshore accounts?
fourunner ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:01:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Better call Saul.
Paspas31 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:36:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drug monies
jeffh4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:33:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You can start by practicing with yours truly....
:-)
07ufarooq ยท 79 points ยท Posted at 13:57:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Try not to spent any money so i can continue to be referred to as the one and only trillionaire
scornucopia ยท 68 points ยท Posted at 18:27:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With reasonable investments, you could afford to spend a billion dollars a week and not cut into the capital.
LiteralPhilosopher ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 19:55:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's presuming you can invest that much money into the world's various stock and bond markets without tipping the whole bloody apple cart.
Huh ... nevermind, I just learned the NYSE alone is worth over $18B; seems like it should be less of a problem than I thought.
scornucopia ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 20:20:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not "$18B" (billion), $18 trillion. The top 5 world stock exchanges combined have a capitalization of about $40 trillion, so your $1 trillion would be about 2.5% of the total if you limited your investment to those 5 markets. I think you'd have to be pretty careful to avoid rocking the markets, since you'd basically be trying to take a 2.5% position in every large company on Earth. Definitely not the kind of thing you can do overnight. Once you managed it, though, a crash might put you sub-trillion for a few years, but your long-term average should be ~7%, enough to ensure your trillionaire status in perpetuity. To go sub-trillion by spending, you'd basically have to blow more than Bill Gates's entire net worth every year. You could have the most obscenely lavish $1 million/day lifestyle and not put a perceptible dent in it.
LiteralPhilosopher ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:29:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whoops ... I was very careful reading most of this thread to keep my magnitudes straight, then went and blew it in my reply. You are absolutely correct, and very good research/explanation there!
IDontGiveAFuckDude ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:20:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With that much cash just collect interest from a bank. You'd get millions a day.
LiteralPhilosopher ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:32:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, that was sort of the point of my reply. There's absolutely no single bank that could handle that magnitude of investment. You'd have to spread it out very carefully over lots of places, or you'd just crater some corner of the market with hyperinflation. /u/scornucopia gives a very good reply/breakdown to my reply.
snark_attak ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:32:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you can find enough that can take a $100 million deposit.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:43:07 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could spend a billion a day and be fine
scornucopia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:21:57 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you were earning 7% per year (average stock-market return), you'd get 70 billion in the first year, you'd have spent 365 billion, so you'd be down to 705 billion and would no longer be a trillionaire (the top-level posters goal).
Even if you found a financial institution that would offer you an interest-bearing account that achieved the same long-term average performance as the stock market, with interest compounded daily, 7% per annum is ~0.01854% per day, so your "breakeven" spending rate would be ~$185.4 million per day. Spend much more than that, and you'll eventually run out of money.
Looking the other way, one billion per day on a trillion is 0.1% per day, which annualizes to just over 44% per annum, which couldn't be considered a reasonable rate of return to expect.
In short: spend a billion a day and you'll piss it all away in less than four years under reasonable assumptions.
C-dubbb ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:36:24 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You don't want to be out of the 4 comma club. I don't know which way your doors open for that though.
MCLTB ยท 723 points ยท Posted at 12:33:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would fly first class to Tokyo.
And then I would take the next flight back, also first class, just because i can.
And then I would take the next flight, first class of course, back to Tokyo, because I'd like to hitchhike around Japan.
[deleted] ยท 964 points ยท Posted at 14:18:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
MCLTB ยท 343 points ยท Posted at 14:25:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, I've been on 11 hour flights in economy class and loved them, so...
[deleted] ยท 786 points ยท Posted at 14:26:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Dr-A-cula ยท 222 points ยท Posted at 14:45:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And most likely smaller than 5ft
Whapwhaaap ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 15:46:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
True. I'm 5"1 and I fucking love flying. Oh sorry what's that, you want to bring me food and free alcohol while I cosy up under my blanket and watch movies and have naps for 10 hours in a seat that I can comfortably sleep in? OKAY THEN.
Being on the plane is like my pre-holiday relaxation retreat.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:34:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The food is fresh from a tin of dog chow, the alcohol is 1 plastic Smirnoff miniature, the movie selection is trash, the seats are stiff greasy old leather and it's impossible to sleep. SIGN ME UP!
nohomoeconomicus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:51:36 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not in first class it isn't. Most airlines even have real (though not exactly excellent) champagne in business class.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:54:47 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah but I'm broke
MCLTB ยท 126 points ยท Posted at 14:54:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually 6"11
Edit: No, actually 6"7. Fucking 'Murica Units always confusing me, Keep up with the civilized world you idiots!
throwaway03022017 ยท 267 points ยท Posted at 15:49:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We put a man on the moon, Europoor, eat a diiiiiick
JustLTU ยท 110 points ยท Posted at 16:14:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You used metric for that lol
All_Push_All_Win ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 17:21:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The instruments and calculations for the landings were done in American units. You can hear in the audio recording of the landing the touchdown distance of the lander being reported in feet. Metric was not used in space until the ISS was thought up, in order to collaborate with other countries.
randomtechguy142857 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 17:44:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The computer was programmed to be all metric.
All_Push_All_Win ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:46:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It looks like you are right. From Wikipedia : "Although data was stored internally in metric units, they were displayed as United States customary units." Thank you for pointing this out.
jaynay1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:47:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Computers are some of the least free things on earth. They do exactly what you tell them to no matter how much it hurts.
Betaateb ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:15:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think you mean Imperial units.
We fought for our freedom from the Tyranny of the British empire, but refuse to throw off the chains of the Exchequer Standards they pioneered.
Seriously though, the imperial system is dumb as fuck. The only two other countries in the world that use it still are Myanmar and Liberia....not exactly hubs of modernity.
I would use my trillion dollars to move the US to the metric system!
LiteralPhilosopher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We use US customary units. The Brits changed to Imperial in 1824. Before that, the two systems were essentially the same.
Thedutchjelle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:19:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wut? What did the Russians use then?
All_Push_All_Win ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:35:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You bring up a point that I forgot about. The Russians did use metric, I was thinking along the lines of the United States.
Siphyre ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 16:41:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We like doing the things you do but better. Gives us a kick knowing we can best you at the thing you are best at.
LiteralPhilosopher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Which "thing" there, exactly, are you referring to? We're certainly not better than anyone at using metric. And putting people on the moon is by no definition "the thing [they] are best at." Pick your argument.
Siphyre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was really a joke. Which was why I used so many pronouns...
ItsMacAttack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:56:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With a trillion dollars we could train you to be the best at something, and then train ourselves to be better at it than you are. Doesn't matter what it is. Could be flipcup.
throwaway03022017 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:15:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cause we can use both, apparently you guys aren't capable.
freefrogs ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 16:48:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Uhhhh we can't use both either, if you'll recall the Climate Orbiter mishap.
throwaway03022017 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:50:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shit happens, I blame Mexico
teh_fizz ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 17:12:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fucking rekt.
pyroSeven ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 00:28:38 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
meteRekt
enmunate28 ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 17:08:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Citation needed.
ddanny1008 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:34:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"we"
throwaway03022017 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:40:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
American flag is on the moon my boy
GatorVz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:32:38 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Siiiiick!
Photog77 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 19:13:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Done anything else in the last 45 years?
BLjG ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:25:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haven't Brexit'd.
throwaway03022017 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:46:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Look up all the fucking medications that US drug companies have invented
Photog77 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did they invent those at the moon base? There are more Russians in space right now than Americans. Looks like you won that space race comrade.
throwaway03022017 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:54:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes.
ComebacKids ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:48:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There are countries that use the metric system and then there are countries that have put a man on the moon.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:05:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And then there's Liberia and Burma.
Neurofiend ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:30:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously? I'm 6'3" and struggle on a plane, unless I get the exit row.
JoeSnj ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:48:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They are Freedom Units!!!
Paul-ish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:20:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually, they are Imperial.
ExtraShard ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:15:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, we made the internet and put a man on the moon, so....
bkcmart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:10:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They're called Freedom units, Sir...
abutthole ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:47:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We're beyond civilized now. We're in pussy grabbing territory.
coldmtndew ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:17:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tf do you measure height with Cm?
K1RKX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:37:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No they measure height in meters. So they aren't 6'7", they're 2.006m tall.
CLEAVAGER ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:37:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I too take into account single strands of hair whenever I measure my height.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
CLEAVAGER ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:50:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No clue what you're trying to convey
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:41:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do you see the irony here
ItsMacAttack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:57:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Am american. Amazingly, I still can see the irony...
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:02:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
DalekInTheTARDIS ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:20:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
See his edit
NaG_CSGO ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:41:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Saw his edit.
DalekInTheTARDIS ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:24:28 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No need to downvote me, many people don't go back to see posts in case of edits so I was notifying you.
NaG_CSGO ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:30:54 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Got downvoted as soon as I saw your comment, so I returned the favour :D
But if you tell me it wasn't you, then it's all good!
DalekInTheTARDIS ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:28:22 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Downvote on which comment?
I didn't downvote you, so it's good.
NaG_CSGO ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:30:56 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The one I ended up deleting because it was not relevant anymore!
ShaunDark ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:54:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now that I think about it...
Would an investment of 1 trillion dollar be sufficient to finally get rid of that shit? :D
malefiz123 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:52:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I see you've yet to fly with Emirates
Mrthrowaway1993 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:20:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I personally love international flights versus domestic ones. The fact they have food offered, constant movies streaming and the feeling of peace.
KingTwix ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:03:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm 6'8, and rode southwest on an 8 hour flight. I had to take the window seat. I've never wanted to amputate my legs so bad
emelexista407 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:52:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you a saint? Sounds like you have the patience of one...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:26:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah fuck that.
yoloqueuesf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:01:42 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As a guy who's 6'1, flying long distances on economy has been the most fucking annoying thing to do
Sadpanda596 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:51:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dads a pilot for Emirates. Always flew free first class. Flights over were probably most fun part of vacation.
theUSpresident ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:15:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy yourself a custom 747.
loi044 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:18:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nope. In first class you've got a bed for starters. On some airlines you have a suite. It's much different from economy.
Juan_Kagawa ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:54:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Emirates has the Apartment class which would make 14 hours pretty manageable but a trillion dollars is private 747 money.
Dopplegangr1 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:01:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So use your money to start your own baller airline like in Soul Plane
nau5 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:39:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
http://dereklow.co/what-its-like-to-fly-the-23000-singapore-airlines-suites-class/
Yeah no way man. This would be fucking heaven.
wraithscelus ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:25:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just did a 12 hour and 6 hour flight back-to-back.
Fucking hell.
At least now those measly 5 hour flights to California are cake.
edit: the worst part is that for 24 of those 36 hours (accounting for round trip) I was surrounded by the sweatiest most rotten smelling BO I've ever encountered. As if just sitting in the same seat for as much time wasn't enough torture.
bbqroast ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:13:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
London -Auckland is fun. 12 hours to Asia and then 12 hours to Auckland.
Can't recommend Rome-Auckland via Dubai either. 6hours and then 18 non stop.
vmcreative ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:32:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You've obviously never taken a chartered flight in a private luxury jet with literally any amenity you could possibly imagine because you are a fucking trillionaire.
Zergom ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:16:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You'd think that with that kind of money you would just buy an a380 and turn it into your private palace in the sky.
ukiyoe ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:32:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well yeah, first class is still for peasants. You have to get on the luxury suites, which cost tens of thousands each way.
buffbodhotrod ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:11:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What I was thinking right here. I don't care if I'm in a bed, I'm sick of being on a plane about 2 hours in.
ItsMacAttack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:59:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Right? I'd have to find out who I can pay so that they'll let me smoke on the plane.
ValentineStar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:55:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's "Buy a brand new private Boeing 777 and turn it into a moving apartment" money. Having an apartment that I could just chill in for 14 hours and then be in a different country would make flying pretty cool I'd imagine
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:36:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:45:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
pvbob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:30:04 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Coach and 1st class are wildly different though. Sleeping is so much more comfy in 1st class, making the 14h that much shorter than if you'd fly coach, why are you even arguing that?
Old_man_at_heart ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:49:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've flown a 13 hour flight from Canada to Taiwan and I loved it, flying is great. I don't do it often anymore, if it was frequent I'd probably hate it.
captainloverman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:57:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do 16 hour flight in first class regularly. They start to suck after hour 8...
dedasdude ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:53:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get an escort as well
flyingcircusdog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:15:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He'll be in suite class most likely, so a twin sized bed, gourmet food, 30" tv, etc.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:33:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jennifer Anniston in that commercial tells me I can have a lounge with a bar so fuck you.
maggos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:05:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He could be in one of those planes that rent out entire rooms to rich motherfuckers like him
Narcil4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:20:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think you've seen first class these days. A private cabin with a bed and great food sounds pretty good.
srpokemon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
nope first class international means the longer the flight the better :)
ShadowRaptor95 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:51:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Um no. I It also depends on the airline you are flying. I flew 14 hours first class, and it was amazing. It was also the first time in my life I was easily able to fall asleep on a plane.
Damn_Croissant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:03:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You've never seen Singapore Air's Suites Class.
doorstopwood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:46:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Took a ~ 16 hour first class flight to Tokyo. It wasn't that bad.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:30:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Mrsfoleyslittleboy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:55:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As a exclusively first class flyer I can agree with this. I won't say it sucks because it doesnt, but it becomes normal and tedious. You just want to get to your destination.
At a certain point I just started taking it for granted.
dbm5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You've obviously never flown first class.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:06:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
MCLTB could be from Seoul or something.
Allahisafag ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:03:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No it doesn't. I love flying
daweis1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:06:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sat in first class on the way to Tokyo, can confirm.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:55:41 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
uhm, you've obviously never flown first class. It's fucking awesome, I didn't want to leave the plane afterwards.
MrDOHC ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:27:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But Japan is only 8 hours away
ItsMacAttack ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:37:31 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
From where?
MrDOHC ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:50:42 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
From my airport.
PointyOintment ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:47:44 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And it's actually your airport, too.
MrDOHC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:26:14 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck yeah!
MyFirstOtherAccount ยท 181 points ยท Posted at 14:28:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
huh, well whatever floats your boat...
PM_ME_UR_THIGHZ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:53:15 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He's going on a plane not a boat, people just can't read nowadays
Raw_Venus ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 15:30:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why buy first class when you can buy the AIRPLANE and fly private.
synchrobot ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:19:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Airplane? Buy the whole goddamn airline, then buy majority shares in every other airline that flies into and/or out of Japan
Generic_AZN ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 16:41:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You have enough money to buy a plane worth more than the presidential air force one and you're thinking first class on a peasant plane?
harrah8083 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:04:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
amateur
tauslb ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:24:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude you could buy a fleet of planes and furnish them in the craziest ways possible to fly everywhere you want, whenever you want. And you want to go through airport security 3 times in 2 days?
dusmuvecis333 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:42:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why not just buy a private 777?
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:51:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
b33r_engineer ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:47:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd go for a 787. A380 can't land everywhere I'd want to go.
Insert_Gnome_Here ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:13:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Learn to skydive. Or get one of those military transport planes and drive a range rover with a parachute off the back.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:31:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's why you go for an A380 and a 777. And a 747. And another A380, just because I can. And maybe Emirates Airlines, because it seems like a good investment.
727Super27 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:48:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done that, but Osaka instead of Tokyo. It was a lot of fun. The customs people in Japan were a little surprised though.
Homozygote ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:38:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Congratulations, you just bought yourself nearly 200ฮผSv of radiation, you dumb bastard.
EDIT: Joke... Was it that hard to tell?
Protopulse ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:31:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, flight attendants and pilots have to deal with much more radiation, so it shouldn't be too bad...
dfslkjbnltalrvlxdguh ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:44:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
so?
Looks like someone doesn't understand what radiation is or what units are, even if you can copy/paste.
Airline pilots do more than two trips per year you twit.
Homozygote ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:02:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ease up champ, it was a joke. Such pointless hostility, and so many assumptions about me based on a single sentence.
clemtiger2011 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:51:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fly a couple more, make sure it's on the same airline, and you should have status enough to get bumped up to first when you book at no extra charge.
cambo666 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:00:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
why not buy a plane and just hire a pilot
rmphys ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:46:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then you can't watch the poor people walk back into economy class at the beginning of the flight. (Source: I am one of those poor people and I hate being judged by the first class snobs)
Insert_Gnome_Here ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:14:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One of the airlines (Pan Am, I think) once sold lifetime first class tickets, and the people who bought them would sometimes travel thousands of miles and back to get a sandwich.
GFor1015 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You should just buy your own 787. First class isn't anything compared to the entire fucking cabin.
alamohero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:16:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or you could buy your own plane and fly to Tokyo, then destroy the plane just cause you want to. Rinse and repeat ~4000 times at $250 million a pop.
terpcloudsurfer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've flown F class to Tokyo. It's nice(way better than economy) but still sucks. Just buy your own G550
iLynx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First class is for peasants. Buy the entire airlines or have the most bad ass private jet made.
Kalamari2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:44:44 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What about those air planes that were the fastest in the world but cost too much in upkeep to stay viable for a business.
PuyallupCoug ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Forget first class, you can buy your own damn plane for that much.
ohaiimchris ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
!!! Back in January of 2016 I planned out this exact same thing when I had dreams of winning the Powerball! This is what I planned out: JFK-AUH on Etihad. But no, not in first class. Baby, you'd be flying in the Residence! Complete with your own three room suite AND a butler. A BUTLER!! From AUH you'd then take Etihad to NRT in first. Then, you'd do NRT-JFK on ANA. And you could do ANA back to NRT from JFK or you could do JAL. Or United from EWR. All in all, your whirlwind adventure in first would cost you $57,644.60.
I love Japan and fully hope that you get the chance to hitchhike around Japan some day!
w1czr1923 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:47:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lol no private jet??
prodmerc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:31:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You have $1 trillion. I'm just gonna assume that doesn't crash the value of the US dollar lol.
So just fly private jet.
Or commission the SR-72 and fly hypersonic :D
SonicRaptor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just buy the damn airline
ThirdRook ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:21:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No trillionaire would fly a commercial airline. You would fly a chartered jet at minimum, or your own private jet.
clearandpresent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:04:44 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First class? Pssht why not buy your own 747
blue_alien_police ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:33:12 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Serious question: Why fly commercial at all? You have a trillion dollars. Why not just buy/charter a plane, grab some friends and family and fly that way?
playswithf1re ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:51:47 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First class? Pffft! Dude. Get with the times.
Suites class is where it's at.
Pancakewagon26 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:27:15 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So you get the GDP of a country and fly first class? Buy your own goddamn airline.
Donteventrytomakeme ยท 202 points ยท Posted at 14:33:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably move into a nice apartment, alone. Decorate it how I want, and not worry about money for the rest of my life. Then buy my mom and stepdad all that nice landscaping they want so bad, and fix up their house. Pay off their mortgage too. I've got simple desires.
JoeyJoJoJrShabado ยท 188 points ยท Posted at 16:44:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You'd be back to a trillion by lunch time on the investment interest alone.
tewas ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 19:21:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
By lunch time? 1T invested in low return (4%) options will give you 40 Billion dollars a year, which works out to about 109.6 Million dollars a day or a bit over 4.5 mil every hour. OP spending probably is under 500k, which will get back in about 6.5 minutes after spending it. By the time he'll find landscaping company, all that stuff will be paid off by interest alone
JoeyJoJoJrShabado ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:45:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well yeah, but I mean, he/she is a late sleeper - didn't get up til 11:53.5 :)
Donteventrytomakeme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:27:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah! I just go to school, and couldn't get on until then during my first empty slot
uselessnamemango ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:17:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I doubt there is a bank who would let you invest 1T at 4%. And sadly 4% is a big return on todays rates. In my country it's about 0.35% because banks are all fucked up.
tewas ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:28:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not a bank, market. Bonds and stable investments. Hell dump into index funds, Fidelity and Vanguard S&P both are in 7% return last year and about 5% over last 10 years. Dumping money in the bank is the worst investment outside stuffing your mattress.
DAE_90sKid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:29:49 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol u don't actually understand how markets work if u think putting 1 trillion in an s&p index is possible.
the_warmest_color ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:52:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah but it's like a really nice apartment
Griitt ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:47:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Simple until you have a trillion dollars and your standards disappear!
SimplyQuid ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 18:34:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It'd start slow. Oh, I can just buy a house? What about two houses? A week later, you're dead from overdosing on crab-venom or some such shit.
josue804 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 18:43:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fucking crab-venom
Xheotris ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:21:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gets 'em every time.
JoeM104604 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:22:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you're shooting for simplicity with $1 trillion, I'd just buy an entire apartment complex and decorate each differently for my different tastes and jump between apartments whenever I'm in the mood for something else. Still kinda "simple"... kinda
Sir_Monty_Jeavons ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:21:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would like to think I would be the same, I'm currently renovating my home (we bought a 'wreck' as you americans call it) and would love to just get it right, it would be a pleasure to live in. We have actually just come into some money that will do a big chunk of the work but are been bonkers carefull about what we do (had ยฃ30k sat in the bank for 6 months now un-touched).
Taxtro1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:12:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That wouldn't even noticeably reduce the trillion. It's like answering "an ice cream cone" to the question "what would you buy with a million dollars?"
Donteventrytomakeme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:15:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yep! I don't want much in life. In fact, if I had a million dollars, I would probably buy an ice cream cone! And probably all that I was talking about, as long as I could still afford it.
TrustMe1337 ยท 75 points ยท Posted at 16:35:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Use it all on steam.
[deleted] ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 18:22:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude just buy Valve
Serpexnessie ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:10:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But don't give us Half-Life 3 ;D
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 21:57:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And give us Half-Life 3
aelx27 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:35:57 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What do you want them to give us? Just repeat it a few more times please.
[deleted] ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 21:56:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And give us Half-Life 3
[deleted] ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 21:56:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And give us Half-Life 3
[deleted] ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 21:57:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And give us Half-Life 3
[deleted] ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 21:57:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And give us Half-Life 3
[deleted] ยท -6 points ยท Posted at 21:57:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And give us Half-Life 3
[deleted] ยท -8 points ยท Posted at 21:57:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And give us Half-Life 3
[deleted] ยท -9 points ยท Posted at 21:57:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And give us Half-Life 3
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:35:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you think you could spend 1 trillion dollars on steam?
TrustMe1337 ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 17:40:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes. I would have ALL the hats in tf2!
AQ90 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:10:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Only TF2? Go for those knives, man, you'd make more than you'd have then.
R3N0UNC3D ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:17:23 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
blow it all on a case unboxing and think hard about how you now have 395256916996 blue skins worth 8 cents each
AQ90 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:10:57 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then you get $3.162.055.335.968
Gremlin87 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:11:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Congrats you now have half of the train simulator content.
ThaiSolo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:46:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gaben approves
adanceparty ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:03:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
so that would cost around 10k then what?
AQ90 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:10:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
buy gabens dildo
nitasu987 ยท 250 points ยท Posted at 14:01:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy every lego castle/pirate set ever made, a few video games, go to Japan, live life normally.
latentspark ยท 76 points ยท Posted at 17:23:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good luck with that one.
lanikuhana ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 18:13:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't worry, you won't have any left after the lego.
OrangeSail ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:50:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Life or money?
lanikuhana ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:09:34 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Both.
wild_cannon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:07:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The one impossible dream in this thread
nitasu987 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:36:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LOL
EDIT: Ok... Thanks for the downvotes. I guess I would try to live life like I never won a trillion dollars. Perhaps I'd give the rest to charity or save it for when something crazy happens.
iudofaex ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:24:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's a WHOLE LOTTA CRAZY yo!
Mrthrowaway1993 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:17:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But how do you afford to video games after buying the Legos?
nitasu987 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:04:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I have one trillion dollars there's no way that I won't have a lot left afterwards, and plus I'd only need maybe $250 because there's only a few games I want.
exie610 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:10:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With the kind of money we're talking about you could buy a new house and a new car every day, and also buy your favorite gaming studio and without getting any of their profits fund them to make the exact game you want while paying for your waitstaff of 45 professionals to answer your every whim. You could do this daily for decades and still have hundreds of billions left over.
You could buy a large military and companies to design a way for you to interface with the units so you may move them around like a real life RTS game. You could buy a country to do this in if there's legal issues. And then get upset with the results, destroy the entire military, and go back to today's new mansion on your island in fiji (which you accessed by crashing your airplane into the ocean after you parachuted out). And repeat.
nitasu987 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:24:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, or I could try not to do that and use the money to help other people instead of myself who is fortunate enough already.
exie610 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:31:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're talking about buying legos and some videos games. You could buy the entire companies involved and only be slightly over spending your daily budget.
nitasu987 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:33:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I could but I wouldn't wanna do that- I'd rather let them do them and just enjoy it for what it is :)
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:04:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Woah. This comment just made me realize I want 1 trillion dollars.
nitasu987 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:05:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I doubt it would come to one trillion, but you know, Lego sets can be expensive these days.
Execute-Order-66 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:21:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So you just spent 25% of your money...
nitasu987 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:22:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well worth it if ya ask me
Taxtro1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:15:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some people just utterly lack perspective. You could do all of these things easily with a good job. A trillion dollars is more power than some countries have.
nitasu987 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:18:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
true :)
Leldy22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:51:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah pirate sets lets go
Fr33_Lax ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 13:03:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to work assuming it's a bank error.
LevelSevenLaserLotus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:19:44 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's like playing Roy and going back to work at the carpet store after beating cancer.
Fr33_Lax ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:22:49 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Going back to the carpet store secures funds for liquor.
ThePointOfFML ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 15:32:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would not tell anyone..I would just continue my life like before, because explaining 1 trillion dollars to my parents would be futile. I would keep it secret until I go on my own
scornucopia ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:54:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You'd have to make some decisions fairly quickly. Once it was discovered, your bank would be having an emergency meeting at the highest level. The CEO would call you minutes later, probably shitting himself. It's not like winning a few million dollars that you could just ignore. JP Morgan Chase, for example, currently has about 1.3 trillion in total deposits, if you had an account with them with a few bucks in it that suddenly had a trillion dollars in it, your account alone would then be 43.5% of their total deposits.
I'd love to keep it on the down low too, but I have no idea if it would be possible with such an enormous amount of money.
ThePointOfFML ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:13:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1 trillion is actually more of a nuisance than any good. That much money would probably screw your life over, I would rather remain mid-high class than get 1 trillion out of nowhere. I imagined it as if all that money would be kept out of bank, in bills. But then again, where the hell would I store so much money? I think I would anonymously donate to charity a shit ton of it, and actually burn billions. I would probably get super paranoic too
scornucopia ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:27:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, a billion would be better in many ways. There are plenty of anonymous billionaires, but everyone knows who Bill Gates and Warren Buffet are and everyone knows what they look like. If you were the world's richest person by an order of magnitude, you would be ridiculously famous. Your name would be leaked. You'd be hounded by paparazzi. You'd have to hire a team of people just to shred the begging letters. It would be horrible. I'm greedy enough to fantasize about what you could do with a trillion dollars, but I'm not narcissistic enough to want any of the fame that would go with it.
ThePointOfFML ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:33:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As a big celebrity you lose a good portion of freedom. While it may be good to be famous, there are also cons that come with it. I don't see myself going everywhere with bodyguards, fans, a load of paparazzis, FBI, CIA and god knows who else behind me :DD
scornucopia ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:49:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have no interest in fame. Money, yes, but not fame. I just don't see much upside for all the downside.
Me neither. That sounds like Hell.
[deleted] ยท 200 points ยท Posted at 14:17:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
neoncactus477 ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 19:17:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The responses to this thread are great. Even with unlimited funds all people really want is a house, a bit of travel, to be debt free and to help people. Kind of sad that its out of reach under normal circumstances for many people.
doorstopwood ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:42:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Very sad indeed. It's almost as if everyone is just saying "I'd live a regular life" :(
Warpable ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 18:45:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You surely don't know how much 1 trillion dollars is
PM_me_your_kitty_pix ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 19:30:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If he buys in SF that's all he'll get
Junkyardbot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:25:45 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At least he'll have an ocean view.
aestist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:46:44 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not if Karl the Fog has anything to do with it
theDoctorAteMyBaby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:08:40 on March 11, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
building. he meant apartment building.
Zephaerus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:15:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alright, you've spent $10 million. You've got $999,990 million left to spend.
Neolife ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:53:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Assuming by "Really nice apartment" you mean "Apartment building in each of the 5 most expensive cities in the world" (about $500 million, by my estimate, round up to $1B), and you spend $100,000 per day on travel for 50 years (~$2B), you'll have $997B left over.
I highly doubt your family's debt, your sister's house, and video games will incur any significant impact on your wealth. That leaves you with the ability to give nearly 1 million people 1 million dollars. You could give EVERY PERSON in poverty (estimated 3B people) about $300 each. In third world countries that's a significant amount of money. Better spending would probably be to give $50,000 to nearly 20 million people, or establish a self-supporting fund that will grant relief to an essentially limitless number of people, considering the wealth it would generate on interest alone would basically outpace any reasonable amount of spending.
iCaused ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:48:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You ain't gonna smoke any ?
yashchand ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:14:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
DAE EVERYONE SMOKES WEEDDDDD
weedful_things ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:49:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would def spend a few months at some 420 friendly states.
iCaused ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:58:11 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me too
WubbaLubbaDubStep ยท -10 points ยท Posted at 18:45:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You wouldn't upgrade your girlfriend? Because you can now get (almost) any babe in the world. At the very least, you could get a date or two.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:49:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
WubbaLubbaDubStep ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nice! Glad you found a good one. You seem like a good guy too.
hollowskull100 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:07:56 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your girlfriend isn't an item to โupgradeโ, you dickhead.
WubbaLubbaDubStep ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:24:57 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol I was just trollin around. Wasn't mean to be taken seriously.
ThisIsAWittyName ยท 108 points ยท Posted at 10:56:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Query everything. This must be an error.
[deleted] ยท 79 points ยท Posted at 12:21:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bank error in your favour.. you now have all the money.
[deleted] ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 17:30:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'your life insurance matures'
so i died right
mfb- ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:45:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There is no bank owning that much money.
PointyOintment ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:49:24 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There is now.
deankh ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 16:42:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quickly buy the bank
Snazzymf ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:35:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
http://www.cnn.com/2013/07/17/tech/paypal-error/
Yaxax ยท 313 points ยท Posted at 11:08:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit smoking, eat healthier, see the world and enjoy life.
[deleted] ยท 680 points ยท Posted at 13:27:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Yaxax ยท 712 points ยท Posted at 13:27:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't wanna
sonofsig ยท 332 points ยท Posted at 13:55:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you had a trillion dollars you wouldn't do those things either. Do it today and you'll thank yourself immensely in 6 months
Yaxax ยท 139 points ยท Posted at 13:56:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I had a trillion dollars I'd want to live to enjoy it tho
sonofsig ยท 224 points ยท Posted at 13:59:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You should live to enjoy life now! Chances are you aren't going to get the trillion, but you can decide to still get healthy and fit and stop smoking. Wish you the best of luck :)
Yaxax ยท 188 points ยท Posted at 14:00:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're really uplifting and sweet I like you.
sonofsig ยท 98 points ยท Posted at 14:02:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks. Just trying to make the world a better place for everyone. Good advice is free
AdamBombTV ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 15:53:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Excuse me, friendo, have you heard the good news about /r/wholesomememes?
I think it would be right up your alley.
sonofsig ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 16:50:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have! That subreddit is what Reddit needs. It should be a default if it isn't already
r_notfound ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:22:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
(Not "advice" but close.) When I was in middle school, one of my math teachers had a sign up in the classroom:
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:45:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've got Deluxe Adviceโข for $5.
fixurgamebliz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:56:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/wholesomememes is leaking
And I'm not going to try to plug that leak friendos
bc_longlastname ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:38:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bad advice, same price.
bkcmart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:14:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, but imagine the advice you could get for a trillion.
test98 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:48:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't listen to him
Switch to a diet of meth and burgers.
MadmanDJS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:31:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't want to live to enjoy life. I wan't to enjoy my life and die before I stop enjoying it.
NEVERGETMARRIED ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:01:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put me in the /r/wholesomememes screencap
Hammer_Jackson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:22:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
....so you're saying there's a chance.......?
Koalitygainz_921 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:04:15 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When you work a crap job and make little money
Inb4 get a better job, can't really gonna be doing the school thing for a long time before I can touch it
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:42:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck life rather be dead
Karl_Marx_ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:38:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stop being a little bitch and enjoy the opportunity to live now.
Yaxax ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:39:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes sir
LazyNite ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:10:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Geez Karl.
morreo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:41:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly. Id quit if I had something to look forward too, but I don't feel like I do. Until then, I'm going to enjoy smoking
I_am_N0t_that_guy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:33:45 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Inb4 you get one trillion and terminal lung cancer same day lol
adanceparty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:17:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
sure you might. Trust me, I'd eat much healthier if I had all day long to do whatever. Or if I could just pay someone to cook me good balanced meals 7 days a week.
JoeM104604 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:17:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well if you had a trillion bucks, you could probably get daily treatment for any negative effects from the smoking and fast food and enjoy life as irresponsibly as you please! :)
JellyBellyBitches ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 13:32:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is it quit smoking and enjoy life? Cuz you sure as hell can't do the others without hella money.
CreamOnMyNipples ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 14:19:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You need a trillion dollars to eat healthy?
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 15:57:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Ferelar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:48:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You jest but with a trillion you could completely buy the entirety of every town with a Whole Foods in it.
CreamOnMyNipples ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:52:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Healthy food isn't exclusively sold at Whole Foods tho
DontPromoteIgnorance ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:43:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I believe their point was healthy food costs more than 10 pound bags of rice and bulk discount ramen.
But quitting smoking and cutting back on drinking would let a lot of people buy waaaay better food.
Goddess_5923 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:13:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes.
Zuphixavex ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:39:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You can eat healthier just from the money you save by quitting smoking.
WholeWhiteBread ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:36:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
most would argue you can do 3 of them without the money.
Siphyre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:43:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
see the world and quit smoking?
phazer193 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:53:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Three*
Matt2142 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah but enjoying life is just harder without a trillion dollars.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ya, quitting smoking and eating healthier doesn't require a trillion dollars. Enjoying life however...
Orakar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:23:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You can do all four without a trillion dollars.
Geckobird ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:30:00 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's sad that eating healthier is the one you can't do.
lickmeoutplease ยท 85 points ยท Posted at 11:16:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha doubt it. You'd be like "wow I can afford the best cigarettes and yummiest most unhealthy food in the world!". Then dead.
gwh21 ยท 125 points ยท Posted at 11:27:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
jmrichmond81 ยท 70 points ยท Posted at 11:40:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It always comes down to hookers and blow.
Ferelar ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:48:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Preposterous. I have a trillion dollars, I won't be coming down anytime soon.
filthyireliamain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:19:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thats the way i want to go
Fucking hookers
Snorting blow
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:49:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You can smoke and eat premium stuff now though. Why stop when you can get your hands on the good stuff?
otterfish ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:13:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get your shit together. Get it all together.
tehswfty ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:16:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit smoking and you'll be one step closer to 1 trillion dollars!
snayperskaya ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:17:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Here's the thing duder. Quit smoking now. It sucks, I know. I smoked for fifteen years. I quit cold turkey. You smoking a pack a a day? 5 bucks minimum. That's over $1500 a year my man. Congratulations you just bought a round trip ticket to Europe with your cigarette money. I quit and have been twice.
Taxtro1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:14:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You can do all of these things without a trillion dollars.
theDoctorAteMyBaby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:09:25 on March 11, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit smoking? I'd buy 9 pounds of weed.
Back2Bach ยท 151 points ยท Posted at 12:27:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd open a music conservatory and endow it substantially so that qualified students could have a first-class education with no debt.
intripletime ยท 98 points ยท Posted at 12:48:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's a trillion dollars. This would be a drop in the bucket at most. We could do half of the things in this entire comment section and barely make a dent.
buttery_shame_cave ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 17:29:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
it's not just 'fuck you' money, it's 'i'm the 15th largest economy in the world' money on interest alone.
kaibee ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:31:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Does interest even exist at that point..? You'd need to handle the actual "interest generating" yourself (or with a business you own).
buttery_shame_cave ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:47:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
honestly... it might. i mean, you'd have to be talking directly to countries to buy their debt to earn anything on interest.
seriously, a trillion dollars is nigh-incomprehensible as a monetary amount. you could buy up enough businesses that the FTC could slap you with antitrust accusations across dozens of industries simultaneously.
it's 'i could buy nova scotia' kinda money. or 'screw you guys, i'm building a starship' kinda money.
Sax45 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:48:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That would depend on how you spent the money. You could buy Coke (market cap $180B) and Pepsi ($156B), and then buy Visa ($207B) and Mastercard ($120B), then buy Home Depot ($177B) and Lowes ($71B), and get their attention. Or you could buy just Apple (market cap $729B) and Bank of America ($265B) and be fine.
stanman51 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:37:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
buy the moon
krabstarr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
From who?
Mrthrowaway1993 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 18:24:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll sell it to you right now. Only 50 bucks. I'll send you certification and everything. I can't guarantee any country will recognize it but you can own it in my eyes..
Unoski ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:20:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Doesn't one guy technically own the moon?
Toxicitor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:47:30 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was that the guy who put a dick pic on the moon or am I thinking of something else?
Damn_Croissant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:09:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's what "would you do," not "what GIANT thing would you do."
Sax45 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:37:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's already possible to get a music education at a public college for a reasonable amount of money -- and many, many great musicians never had any formal education at all.
What you really should do is set up a fund to employ musicians so that they can focus on music for their entire lives and not have to work a day job. With the interest on a trillion dollars, you could cover the living expenses of a million musicians.
hollowskull100 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:14:29 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't know if I agree with music education being at a โreasonableโ amount, but I absolutely agree with giving musicians an unlimited budget. Fuck whoever downvoted you, they probably know nothing about music.
srttechie ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 17:36:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Itt: a lot of people who don't seem to understand just how much a trillion is.
ShockinglyEfficient ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:12:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Buy a farm and give all my friends and family a million dollars!"
"Dude you have like 999,999,999,999 dollars left."
..."okay, two million dollars each!"
Maccaroney ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:05:16 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The goal isn't to spend it all. The goal is to setup friends and family and then just do whatever i want. The question is "What would you do?".
ShockinglyEfficient ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:13:36 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My point is you could spend an incomprehensible amount on anything you wanted and still have money left over.
[deleted] ยท 64 points ยท Posted at 10:35:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy off a couple people in Congress and run this bitch.
anymooseposter ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 15:44:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
dude, just buy the presidency.
[deleted] ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 15:49:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Presidents get so much hate, I'd rather work from behind the curtains.
Damn_Croissant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:12:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah that job looks so shitty. Make more public officials who only make $100k salaries multi-millionares.
Schreddor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:18:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why not both?
Ryman_Playz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:11:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just buy america
IhopTheBaker ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:36:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You only need a few of the Republicans to heavily sway anything right now.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:50:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once I get that Paul Rand and Marco Rubio I'll be unstoppable.
BladeHoldin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Paul Rand?
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:42:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rand Paul's negative being. It's the same, because they're both fucking negative, but I'm making this excuse to cover my own ass. Look a wiretapping!
I'm so good at politicianing.
[deleted] ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 16:47:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Oh_THAT_Guy_GMD ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:58:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm Nick!
Uzamakirider973 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:50:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, I got this reference.
Maccaroney ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:44:01 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is a joke? I thought it was legit because it's something i'd do. Lmao.
CaptnHarryButtBeard ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:16:45 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not a joke. I'm entirely serious.
Uzamakirider973 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:21:28 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I believe it's a reference to Billy Madison
Edit: I went a bit supiste there. In billy Madison, a boy that billy bullied in school crosses him off a to kill list because he called to apologize.
CaptnHarryButtBeard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:16:59 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have no idea who that is.
Uzamakirider973 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:24:09 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Movie with Adam Sandler from the 90s.
[deleted] ยท 46 points ยท Posted at 12:02:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quadruple check that it isn't some kind of of joke, cry, then maybe start looking for a home to buy.
Fishinabowl11 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:01:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At that point it's not a home so much as an Estate or a Manor or a Compound
NotRightWing ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:59:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could buy actual countries and it would barely make a dent in your money
CrownandCoke87 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:48:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would be building, with that much money why live in someone else's design. I would have a secret tunnel system in my house, and a big vault!
Rybos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:47:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a few that day, try them out, give away the ones you don't want. Easy peasy.
7LeagueBoots ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 14:34:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How does this trillion manifest? If it's in my bank account I would not know until the next time I check my account, which is infrequently as I get paid every three moths, have minimal expenses, and mainly use cash.
If it was in cash I'd probably have to kick a path to the door and to the bathroom. I'd be kind of screwed as I'm living oversea and have no good way to deposit money into my home account and the local banks would likely have problems transferring enormous sums of money. Even without the transfer problem they'd charge a massive fee and the IRS would immediately investigate my account and probably confiscate the money (which they likely do if it showed up in my account as well).
If it showed up as a bank scrip for a new account in the Caymans or something I'd hope that all the account information was accurate so that I could access it and I'd need to then figure out how to get it to a banking system I trust better than some sketchy tax-haven area.
Once that was all sorted out, legal advice, property, travel, and residency status in a number of countries (you can fast track the residency in many counties by buying expensive property, keeping a large amount of money in a national account, or otherwise investing in the country).
Set up a fund for my folks and siblings, probably for a few friends as well. Establish a few endowments for environmental conservation and education.
Flight school, a few high speed driving classes, physical trainer to get me back into tip-top shape, scuba and skydiving lessons, build several of the houses I've designed, stuff like that.
Probably a trip into orbit as well, I'd be able to afford it.
scornucopia ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:41:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think you can safely assume that your bank would call. Probably the CEO.
I think the question is probably predicated on the idea that the money in your account is "legit".
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:34:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you would be dead, son
TearShitDown ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:31:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One trillion dollars would fill up football stadiums dozens of times.
lickmeoutplease ยท 114 points ยท Posted at 11:15:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hookers and blow obviously.
themilkman42069 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 16:06:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yeah i mean thats my usual thursday plan anyway and getting a couple bucks wouldn't do anything to deter that.
spiltnuc ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:28:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was looking for this. But now I can afford that good sniffy and them high end hookers. Living large
asuryan331 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:13:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd have a guy who's sole responsibility is to bring me the purest white straight from Colombia or wherever. Get him his own private jet so he could always go back for more.
xeskind30 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:12:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get that $10,000/night hooker to have a great time with and do some blow.
Maybe take a page out of Director Bullocks book and hire a hooker, do some blow and fire automatic weapons in your home.
OPs_other_username ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:44:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pfffftttt...bruh you gots trillion. Hookers made out of blow.
Better yet, blow made out of hookers.
honeybadger2012 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:51:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Still one of my favorite videos https://www.youtube.com/shared?ci=RIBzzVtnauY
smedema ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:08:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ludes man
SirJohannvonRocktown ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
...aaaand you're dead.
brandnamenerd ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 14:45:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Normal morning routine - the day just isn't right without sitting and staring into space for a few.
Hopefully on the toilet, because if I suddenly learned I had a trillion dollars, I'd most likely shit myself.
Call the bank and make sure it isn't a mistake, and when I learn it's my money, call an accountant and an attorney. Probably would forget to tell my job, and then might not bother because fuck them, no matter what I spend, I'd be a billionaire by the end of this.
After that, pay off debts. For myself, and the ones I care about.
As far as property, stop renting and just buy the apartment. Hell, the building. Hire a friend and pay him handsomely, as he does real estate and knows the laws, as well as having a great tech background. Maybe make it a super tech friendly building - better wireless and wired speed, etc. Of course, footing the bill for any and all repairs to the building. If anyone needs to be moved, pay for relocating them during repairs and make sure it's done quickly. I wouldn't raise rent on existing renters, and try to ensure that the rates don't get too high.
During this, take care of my health dammit. Even with insurance, it's expensive as hell.
Assuming all of that would cost me millions, I'd still have billions to play with.
Dump a bunch into savings, with some guidance from my new accountant about smart investments. Donate a lot, and try to create or contribute to existing organizations that help better the world. I think I'd focus on health care and nature/animals - health is important and often neglected, and I just love animals so why the hell not. We need that ecosystem!
Probably with all of that, travel a ton. Just whenever I wanted to pick up, just go. With the building I own being so tech-friendly, I should be able to work on things remotely if I so pleased.
LiteralPhilosopher ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:52:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Who the hell cares if you're on the toilet? Throw those clothes away. If you're buying the apartment building anyway, the remaining shit just became SEP.
Parkatr0n ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:01:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Hire a friend"
Jesus, dude
brandnamenerd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:43:47 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah man. He owns and rents apartments in the city, and if I had the money, I'd hire him for a job like this.
reddits_r_us ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 16:45:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy winzip
scornucopia ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 19:21:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
... for everyone.
johnciall ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:11:25 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think he meant the company
KazzleDazzle ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:22:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Surely you mean Winrar.
FratricideV2 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:38:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/madlads
idunnowhatimdoingno ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:14:28 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nobody can afford that
[deleted] ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 15:41:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
dugant195 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:15:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The student debt in America is over a trillion
moderndaylady ยท 846 points ยท Posted at 10:43:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a little farm. Put enough away to live comfortably but not frivolously. Anonymously donate the rest. Enjoy financial stability without the emotional and mental repercussions that come with large sums of money.
I know this is the most boring answer of all, sorry. I wish I had something more interesting to offer but this would be my dream- not the trillion dollars, obviously, just the home and the stability.
Edited to add: Guys, I get it, donating almost a trillion dollars would be logistically tricky. If someone out there wants to randomly gift me a trillion dollars, I promise to hire someone clever to manage it. Deal?
WorkLemming ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 15:12:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, it would be difficult to properly donate that much money.
Buy little farm = at most $2,000,000
Enough to be comfortable but not frivolous = $10,000,000. You could live off the interest generated, about 200-300k a year if it's in a safe low risk investment.
So you've accounted for 12,000,000. You have 999,988,000,000 remaining. That's enough to buy Google outright and STILL have 400 billion dollars left over. It's such a staggeringly huge amount of money for an individual to have.
If you decided to give 50 million dollars to every charity you wanted to support, you would still need to select over 19000 different charities. Doing so would almost certainly have massive economic repercussions, and the amount of money lost to corruption and fraud would be astronomical.
steveo3387 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:44:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The "anonymously" part is what got me. I don't think you can anonymously donate a billion dollars, let alone a thousand billions.
blue_alien_police ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:03:00 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But what if you didn't donate the 50 as one a time donation? What if you said something like (and I'm using a smaller example because, why? I don't fucking know.) "Ok Feeding America: I'm going to give every single one of your 200 Food Bank locations 50 million dollars. BUT, I'm going to spread that 50 million out over the next decade. Each location gets 5 million per year to spend on it's resources for the next decade."
Would that help curb any of the possible issues you mentioned?
WorkLemming ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:21:18 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It could potentially. You scenario only accounts for about 1% of the total amount talked about donating, which definitely would make it easier to give away without as large an economic impact.
That said, if food banks are suddenly buying $5mil worth of food, suppliers will be affected. They may run out of food, or raise prices along with the increased demand. This in turn could negatively impact a lot of lower income and middle class families, as well as local restaurants who's supply costs have increased.
Any large windfall of cash in an organization is going to have some issues. Many charity organizations are rife with wasteful spending practices, and a sudden huge influx of cash can exacerbate those issues (or just general corruption since some people suck).
What may work better is to gift it as an endowment. Essentially it's invested untouchable money who's interest generated is given to the organization. It provides them with a reliable source of funding, but keeps them operating at a level they are more used to.
Again though, there is a big difference between giving away 1% and 99.99%. With that kind of money, instead of only funding existing charities, you would probably be able to do significantly more good starting your own charitable company or research group.
You could afford to build a world class research lab, build a small suburb near a major city, pay the top 1000 doctors and scientists to move there, and pay them each $2 mil a year for 30 years to work together to form the greatest medical research team on earth. All that would still only cost you about $75-80 billion, so you would still have over 900 billion left over. It's such a staggeringly huge amount of money there really is very little you could not do.
ShadowAgent666 ยท 235 points ยท Posted at 11:19:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Most boring answer? More like most reasonable. Having 1 trillion dollars ( or the entire US military budget, if I am not mistaken ) would be stressful. I get stressed having a $20 note in my pocket for crying out loud. Being able to maybe keep a generous amount of 20 million for myself and/or family for the future, give a little to my relatives and financially set up my Brother and Sister ( Who have Autism, even though my brother is not too bad my sister has ADHD as well, making life one shitstorm for her ). That other $950 million can go to Cancer Research, NASA and a few of my closest friends. ( Mainly Nasa and cancer/ other diseases/ disability research.)
nautical_nostradamus ยท 312 points ยท Posted at 12:12:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What about the other $999,000,000,000? You only spent one measly billion of that trillion.
intripletime ยท 169 points ยท Posted at 13:03:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A trillion dollars is orders of magnitude more money than anyone could really even spend. This is just shy of the GDP of Australia. You could buy a series of mansions, every car you could ever think to own, a private airport, all the sports teams you want, hundreds of absurdly high scholarship and charity programs, and so on... and you'd make a little dent.
[deleted] ยท 137 points ยท Posted at 14:16:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 128 points ยท Posted at 15:16:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd laugh knowing I was essentially the most powerful man in the world, able to singlehandedly change the US economy.
MajorAnubis ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 17:11:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just realized that kind of money is enough to make you the kind of person that if you wanted something that was no longer made, you have the power to literally build the manufacturing from the ground up to have it again.
For example an old sports car that you can't find a mint model of from collectors or whatever. You now have the money to buy the licencing, R&D, set up manufacturing and distribution to build a single, perfect to spec, 1972 Chevrolet Stingray exactly the same as one that came off the line in that year. Then shut it down and essentially do it dozens of times over for anything in life you've ever wanted. Exuberant amounts of money to produce one perfect brand new object of anything you've ever wanted.
Zinnflute ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 21:30:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The only reason I've ever wanted megawealth has been TV shows.
Cancelled? Oh hell no. Another season. Please.
esuil ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:24:48 on April 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Got Firefly flashback from your comment. :(
AaaaarghImaPirate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:05:08 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lawn darts
CaptainVarg ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 17:27:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Crashing this economy... WITH NO SURVIVORS"
vrts ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:37:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's a lot of money.
For you.
PhillyWick ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 16:49:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's a story of some ancient wealthy king who did that... He came to some country and spent so much gold that he single handedly caused an absurd amount of inflation and basically ruined the local economy. I'm on mobile, but maybe someone can link to what I'm thinking of.
cheezewiz05 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 16:52:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I pretty sure that was Mansa Musa of Mali
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 17:09:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Worth the equivalent of $400 billion. Still not even half way to being a trillionaire. It'd basically be infinite money.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:39:12 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And it was silver IIRC
ADumbSmartPerson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:28:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't even think he spent it...he literally just gave so much gold away it devalued gold.
rudolfs001 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:50:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George Soros?
intripletime ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 14:55:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then watch as the diluted world drowns and cackle maniacally.
DrQuint ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:46:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you buy all the currency of, say, Zimbabwe, then the Zimbabwe dollar would actually increase in price due to the artificial demand and scarcity you're producing.
Imagine, the power to make any currency the most powerful in the world.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:29:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Imagine what you could do in a place like Chicago's south side, if you just bought up real estate as quickly as you could, until you owned a vast majority of it, then suddenly stopped charging rent. Commercial and residential.
LewixAri ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:02:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But if you buy things on the same day you buy them all at pre-inflation prices. If you spent a trillion on assets, post-inflation economy would mean you would still be exactly as rich or more-so.
Korpse223 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wasn't there someone in New Jersey who was a big part of the economy and then he moved away or something and it left them scrambling?
adanceparty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:49:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i doubt i'd care at that point. I'd still have more than anyone else.
Siphyre ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:46:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds good to me. Where do I sign?
Bytewave ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:19:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Depends what you want. Live in luxury, sure, you're set for 50 lifetimes. If you want to raise and equip a private mercenary army and go warlord, you'll go through your trillion in due time. There are always ways to spend all your money.
VERTIKAL19 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:04:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well you could use it to finance a war in Iraq
hurleyburleyundone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Literally 15x more money than the richest person in the world. Just investing it would move the index percentage points.
And no one has said theyd cure cancer or poverty yet. Disappointing
scientist_tz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could conceivably fund every public school in the United States for a huge swath of the year on the interest alone.
biggyofmt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:32:12 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The yearly budget for California schools alone is $76.6 billion alone. The total US budget is likely nearly a trillion.
carolathome ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:47:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like a plan.
torystory ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:06:07 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There needs to be some kind of hypothetical lottery calculator where you just type in all the things you'd like to own and get a figure.
ShadowAgent666 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:47:09 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sorry that I was tired and my math is shite when I am tired.
helkar ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:25:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
US military budget is around 597 billion, so substantially less than a trillion.
moderndaylady ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 11:28:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have severe ADHD and I find it hard to live with, I cannot even imagine the stress of adding autism. I wish you and your family all the best. It's obvious you really care for them and that's such a beautiful thing.
ShadowAgent666 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 11:37:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You too. Bless you man, I hope you live a truly happy life. I can only imagine ADHD, or Autism, as I am the only child in the family without one or the other. Again, I truly do hope you live a happy life.
lunchbox3 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:31:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have ADHD, no one I met would necessarily know (until they got to know me better and I think then it helps explain some slightly off things I do or say), but if you have seen Man of Steel - for me sometimes it feels like that scene in the classroom where he can hear and see everything and he hides in a cupboard. I almost cried the first time I saw that.
moderndaylady ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:10:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ADHD BUDDIES!
I haven't seen it but I'll check it out.
I used to freak out at big shopping centres as a kid because it was just TOO MUCH and my Mum never understood why. I still get throbbing migraines if we visit one for more than 20 minutes but thankfully my fiance prefers hiking to shopping.
There's this Jon Bellion song called Pre-Occupied that's like, my ADHD anthem. It's pretty cool. And it's a good reminder that our brains are different and often inconvenient but in a lot of ways they're cool as fuck
https://youtu.be/jKXMmwt2SDw
Thanks for the comment, I don't know any other people with ADHD so it's really nice to have a little chat with one.
lunchbox3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:39:37 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cool I will check it out! Yeh I wasn't diagnosed until I was an adult, and often don't tell people, and also don't know anyone else who has it. Good to meet you!
lunchbox3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:39:37 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cool I will check it out! Yeh I wasn't diagnosed until I was an adult, and often don't tell people, and also don't know anyone else who has it. Good to meet you!
11sparky11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:06:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire the most badass security team the world has ever seen.
OEMcatballs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:55:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ehhh...Medicare and Social Security are both closer to a trillion dollars than the National Defense budget. Defense is 3rd place in expenditure, followed (in relative terms) very closely by "welfare" programs.
Here's the data from 2016. I don't think the new administration has released it's budget yet.
Lotta folks like to comment on the huge defense budget; but it's not as huge as one would think. It's actually pretty on-par with the core-tenets of things that government is supposed to provide for the citizens.
If you look down at the smallest and least-important block, it says "other." That block is larger than the whole Science collection of blocks--which includes NASA's budget.
What is that other, and how do I get it?
Toxicitor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:08:18 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's a billion, what are you doing with the other 999 billion?
ShadowAgent666 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:46:40 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oops, I made this at 11pm after a busy day, so I was tired and my math left me.
thekingofbelgium ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:59:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
999 billion 980 million
ShadowAgent666 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:47:41 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
See, I was really tired. Sorry for the math.
synysterlove ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:36:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's not boring. My first thought was that I could get my car fixed.
Mail540 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:02:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you ever wake up with a trillion I'm taking donations. Also I think your answer is probably the best and almost exactly what I'd do
UiiN ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:36:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That answer isn't boring at all. You'd get to live happy in what ever place you choose with no massive worries, you'd make a massive change somewhere in the world and be able to chill in your farm knowing the change you've made to so many lives!
I like this answer.
Dent18 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:22:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Absolutely same here. I'm in college now and so tired of all of it.
A sublime little farmhouse with some land would be amazing. I could play my drums without anyone complaining.
This would also be in Canada. It's beautiful there, the government isn't insane, I don't have to wait another year to drink.
stanman51 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:35:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
donating like 900 billion dollars would be sooooo difficult, it would take years of paperwork, especially if done anon
buttery_shame_cave ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:22:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
that's what rockefeller tried to do.
he was never able to keep up with the interest.
if you're going to anonymously donate it don't do it as just big-ass lump gifts. set up a foundation and fund that and let the foundation do good throughout the world for the next like, thousand goddamn years.
aspa07 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:05:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same! I have no desire to be the richest stiff in the cemetery. I dream of just being able to put my bills on auto-pay, have a Subaru, nice cabin in the woods by a ski resort, and live carefree. Maybe a little extra to travel different parts of the world here and there. That's the dream.
RENEgadeRSO ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:03:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Very similar to my answer. Except I'd buy a big farm or two or three and give jobs to people who wanna work and pay them very well. Donate all money made from the farms. Completely pesticide free, no chems, no hormones. Also have some extra land where I can safely shoot all kinds of guns and host target shooting tournaments. I'm only close to some of my family so those who want to move and live with me are free to do so and they'd live comfortably as well.
Also, land where I can off-road with all the coolest pickups and even luxury cars.
Vanetia ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:45:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is basically my idea. There's even a plot of land near me I have my eye on but could never buy unless I hit the jackpot. I want a 5 bed house (at most--probably happy with 3 as long as I have a large game room/gym). I also want a couple "tiny" homes one for guests (so they have a house instead of just a room when they visit) and one for my craft house (so I can make stuff without my clutter spilling all over the rest of my house).
Large area for an orchard. Large area for fostering dogs and giving them plenty of (safe) outdoor space to roam. I don't even know what I'd do with all of it. (It's a ~28 acre lot I'm daydreaming over). Maybe just ensure I have plenty of area for riding a bike or ATV or hiking or something. All in "my own backyard".
That wouldn't even put a DENT in a trillion. I could fund every single project on Donor's Choose, end homelessness in at least my county if not state, etc.
/sigh "A dream is a wish your heart makes..."
moderndaylady ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:49:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you me!?
This is exactly what we want, including little guests houses and fostering dogs.
You're me, aren't you?
Vanetia ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:50:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha! I guess so!
Tell you what. If I ever get a trillion dollars, I will search through my post history to find you and give you more than enough to do this very thing so we can both live our happy dog-filled farm lives :D
moderndaylady ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:09:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ditto.
stripedfermata ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:48:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Agreed. Only to add to the farm I would also purchase a lake house and a boat or two.
I can't imagine a better life. Days are spent tending to the farm and off time is spent at the lake nestled in the mountains. You have so much money that it's wisely invested and making money for itself. The only worry that you have is if the horse got bloat again.
pouchcotato8 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:37:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tell me about the rabbits, George!
pgh_ski ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:28:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's the exact answer I'd give, roughly. I don't want a lot of money. I just want financial stability and the freedom to do what I love.
woohooman14 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:54:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Unfortunately donating the rest would cause the value of the dollar to plummet and destabilize the global economy. Flooding the market with this much money would fuck things up pretty bad
elan913 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:02:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah man, this is perfect.
enmunate28 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:06:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You don't need to put any money away.
With a trillion dollars you can spend 27 million a day for 100 years.
beatles910 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:49:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's exactly what I did with mine.
Instincts ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:56:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh hey that's just like my answer. And I thought I was alone. No one really needs a trillion dollars, just a place to rest your head financially worry-free every night. And you can achieve that with far less than a trillion.
chiephkief ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:40:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love farms. Raised on one. Still want to buy one for some reason. Worst part about a farm is all the upkeep. Constant upkeep like owning 2 houses and all the yard between and whatever livestock, equipment, and land you have to tend too. Plus often bad but still expensive internet and no nearby pizza places :/
Dopplegangr1 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:07:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anonymously donate nearly a trillion dollars? Sounds like a good way to fuck up the economy, cause some sort of recession
aqouta ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:31:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You cant anonymously donate a trillion dollars... It's impossible to move that much money without it being noticed.
shutupmeggie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
kate?
KJ6BWB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:03:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, this is the right thing to do.
vmcreative ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:26:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Hey where did this one trillion dollars come from?"
"I don't know just some guy I guess"
"OK yeah thats reasonable, I'll just run it on down to the homeless shelter."
vacantvivacity ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:31:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is probably the healthiest thing for you to do
buffbodhotrod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:10:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think 999 billion dollars worth of donations would be anonymous. Only 1 person in the world could have given that much money in a year.
uksuperdude ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:08:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Only thing I'd be worried about with donating it would be ensuring that such a large amount of cash doesn't get into the hands of people who might start doing shady things. I'd be devastated if it somehow got spent on weapons or making the gap between the 1% and everyone else even wider. The first bit of your plan sounds awesome tho :)
TheJeffreyLebowski ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:28:52 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Where do you anonymously donate the rest? With great power comes great responsibility Peter.
Zerotan ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 17:51:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not to crush your soul or nothin, but you'd have to unplug completely and teach yourself to be ignorant of the global human suffering you'd be capable of preventing.
I guess it's not too hard, since I already do that buy not saving all those African kids for the price of a coffee per day.
[deleted] ยท 79 points ยท Posted at 14:09:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time.
BirdieeBaked ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:33:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When did Craigslist cost a trillion dollars?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:09:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What about three?
CaptainDickFarm ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:10:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I figure if you had a trillion dollars you could do 3 chicks at the same time.
CA2NC2NY2CA ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:48:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You don't need to be rich to do that...
Poopy_Dildo ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:48:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You do to get two chicks to get with a guy like him.
xatrixx ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:47:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just shredded!
Hessian_Rodriguez ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:14:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Watch your Cornhole bud.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:46:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuckin a.
TheAnonymousGlasses ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:11:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And b.
fourunner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:47:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Those poor baby birds.
APUSHMeOffACliff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:40:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Like synchronized swimmers
stovepipehat2 ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 11:07:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep and sleep in.
[deleted] ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 11:28:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Purge. Lawyer up. Repeat.
FriendlyDespot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:33:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
SeemsGood
YourShadyNeighbor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:52:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like you
cschmidt0525 ยท 96 points ยท Posted at 11:03:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd keep one billion and give the other 999 to Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation.
DavidRFZ ยท 274 points ยท Posted at 15:23:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think if I did that it would become the "Me and Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation".
readingisforchumps ยท 94 points ยท Posted at 15:43:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The HolyShitThankYou/u/cschmidt0525 Foundation
TranquilMonitor ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:02:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do you even bother to ask them about having a threesome beforehand? I think with $999B, you don't bother asking.
Damn_Croissant ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:10:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And actually call it "Me and Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation," not "[Insert your name] and Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation."
thelonelybiped ยท 86 points ยท Posted at 15:32:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But bill has to look me in the eye while I give it to him, one dollar bill at a time
Gamermii ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 16:34:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you gave the money at one dollar bill per second, it would take approximately 316 centuries to finish.
Zerotan ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 17:56:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's not worth Bill's time to only accept a 1$ bill every second.
Spiderx3000 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:49:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What about $2
Zerotan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:56:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There aren't enough $2 bills in circulation.
Also, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B2inExgT77s
ViolentPlatypus ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:58:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With interest the total to give would grow...
KingTwix ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:57:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Assuming you're very efficient and average 1 dollar per second, it would take you 31392.7 years to transfer all of this money
Krazedmigit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:32:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That would take a ludicrous amount of time.
thelonelybiped ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:34:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But I have a ludicrous amount of money
almightybob1 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:34:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And time is money soooooo
TheConfirminator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:53:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you hand him a dollar per second, you'll be there for 30,000 years or so.
WhatWasWhatAbout ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd guess the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation has the most experience (and potential) with handling large amounts of money. But still, 999 billion is so staggering, I can't help but think it'd ruin economies.
Najd7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah you would
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 18:45:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This thread is already old so this will get buried but I wanted to answer for funsies.
I would start building orphanage's all over the world to take in refugee children and foster children. These places would be like a school with all housing, food and medical taken care of for these kids. I would then raise a huge private army to protect all my children. Some of these kids will stay to continue the upkeep and future care of the next generation of orphans while many would go on to college. I would invest in the best universities in the world and ensure proliferation of my children thru all facets of science and government in governments all over the world. Hopefully before I see the end of my life one of them will have developed the ability to extend life. I would basically use the loyalty and devotion of my children who I had rescued from the lowest order of living standards of humanity to do my will and bidding across the world. I would invest heavily in the prison systems of the world as well trying to rehabilitate as many as possible and recruiting them into a system to give them technical jobs in the trades to be the backbone of my growing empire of orphanages across the globe. Within 3-4 generations hopefully I will be the great grandfather of a new one world order.
I_dont_follow_sports ยท 289 points ยท Posted at 10:33:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give everyone in America 1 million dollars effectively inflating our economy out of control.
twistedbeats ยท 371 points ยท Posted at 14:10:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could give everyone in the USA about $3000.
llcooljessie ยท 67 points ยท Posted at 16:14:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What's a baby gonna do with $3,000?
ZombieLollypop ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 18:03:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
flip drugs for profit
Cyno01 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:32:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was thinking OTHER Chappelle...
https://youtu.be/FRZN7IzvCVs?t=53s
peon2 ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 18:20:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest on E-Trade you dumbass.
TearShitDown ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 18:29:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bribe her way out of the corner.
Random_citizen_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:01:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Judiciously utilise it by judging the opportunity costs of all viable options of course
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:10:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Purchase baby goods. What else?
Work_McGurk ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 15:55:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
would that inflate the economy noticeably? People would probably just buy a new car or go on a holiday and it would be like nothing ever happened.
danarchist ยท 70 points ยท Posted at 16:47:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It would be around 7% of our GDP out of nowhere. Bush gave everyone like $300 and it was a huge bump.
man-of-God-1023 ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 18:18:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN AND WHY DIDN'T I GET ANY
helisexual ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:45:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bush tax cuts. Were you working?
man-of-God-1023 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:41:47 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh wait, i got my first job in 2007. Guess i was kinda young... ๐
Bigfoot25 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:23:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Didn't Bush just cut taxes and the average American just had to pay ~$300 less?
danarchist ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 18:40:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nope, it was a retroactive rebate. He literally sent people money his first year in office
SirJohannvonRocktown ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:44:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What program was that?
danarchist ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:27:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
idk google bush tax rebate
JulioCesarSalad ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:31:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How much did Obama give?
danarchist ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:36:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing like Bush's http://www.sfgate.com/politics/article/Bush-signs-1-3-trillion-tax-cut-bill-300-600-2913184.php
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:36:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
An $8,000 tax credit for homeowners
wedgiey1 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:15:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That'd be a huge deal. People would be buying shit, business would be good, companies would be hiring... It'd probably be better to give out like $500/yr and space it out some.
buttery_shame_cave ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:26:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
it would cause a really significant surge in the economy that would probably last for a pretty damn good stretch of time.
bush's $300 tax refund back in the early 2000s was a serious shot in the arm for the economy for most of a year.
Sarcastically_immune ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 16:54:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone just takes off of work for a week
Yeah nothing happened.
Work_McGurk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:22:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
well, not all at the exact same time.
vrts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:43:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
RIP society.
Interfectorem47 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:50:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or everyone in the world $130 and still have more than you will spend in a lifetime left over
Maharkos ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:07:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Acutally almost 10k
CLEAVAGER ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:39:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No
Maharkos ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:42:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
3 trilliion = 3,000,000,000,000 dollars.
USA population: 318,9 million people (2014, google)=318,900,000 dollars
3,000,000,000,000 / 318,900,000 = 9,407.3377 dollars
CLEAVAGER ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:43:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yah, but who said 3 trillion?
Maharkos ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 18:45:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck, I'm dumb. I guess I got confused because of the word "trillion". Excuse me, english is not my main language
CLEAVAGER ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:46:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No worries
BalognaRanger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:56:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What am I Republicare?
seth_k_t ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:53:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/theydidthemath
eccentricrealist ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:52:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
UBI ftw
pangolin44 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:38:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you did keep the money for yourself, you'd have to not deposit it or put all of it on the stock market or anything. The inflation would be real.
thesunscreen ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 11:17:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Unless the same mythical creature who gave the trillion were to take it by removing 1% of everyone else's wealth there would be global inflation.
A trillion dollars is too much money for any one person to have.
NEVERGETMARRIED ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:00:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's exactly what the trillionares want you to think
[deleted] ยท -47 points ยท Posted at 13:30:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There are people who already have more than that money and they are handling it pretty well.
thehonestyfish ยท 42 points ยท Posted at 13:47:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A trillion? Nope. Nobody's even broken the $100b mark.
If you had $1t, you'd have more money than Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, Mark Zuckerberg, Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, Michael Bloomberg, and pick any 4 other stupidly wealthy people combined.
Adjusted for inflation and what not, the richest person in history, Mansa Musa, had a net worth of $400b. This dude literally destroyed economies in his wake when he traveled. You'd be two and a half of him.
thesunscreen ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 14:12:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't feel bad, most people can't wrap their heads around a trillion dollars. Which is why people don't lose their shit when thinking about the national debt.
A trillion is 1000 billion, with a trillion dollars you would personally have more wealth than over half of the countries on earth produce in GDP. It's a lot of money.
DoNotForgetMe ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:43:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No there aren't...?
EpicRedditor34 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:48:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No one in the world even has 100 billion dollars (maybe putin). Who has 1 trillion?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:49:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No there aren't
[deleted] ยท -27 points ยท Posted at 13:55:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Okay,okay lets us roll with the "truth" that no one has made the 1 trillion dollars mark yet.
If ya Forbes and Bloomberg references are anything to go by, then yeah sure, comfort yourselves.
Discord42 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 15:38:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Looks like you dropped your tinfoil hat.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:42:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He probably has 1 trillion dollars. I doubt he has a filmsy tinfoil hat
DannaldTheGreates ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:25:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So who has made 1 trillion dollars then?
magby200 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:36:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rothschilds apperantly
DreamsOfNeonCities ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:03:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
From what do you make a trillion lmao
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:27:38 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Being Jewish, according to /r/conspiracy on Rothschilds
magby200 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:20:40 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
its a family that supposedly owns up to 500 trillion (probably fake though) from banking and investing. but since its spread out between members of the family so the most one person has is "only" 20 billion. there's also lots of conspiracy theories surrounding them that they control most, if not all, of the worlds money and banks.
Damn_Croissant ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:06:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give everyone who lines up $100,000 with the stipulation that to receive the $100K, you need to get a small tattoo of the text "100K" on your face.
ukiyoe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:35:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
More fun would be to give the working class in Marin County a several million each, making them richer than the residents. Turn the tables and watch them squirm.
Toxicitor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:47:21 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's easier to give everyone 100$ than it is to give just the poor 50$.
LickidySlip ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:35:55 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You've got 1 million 1 millions.
11111one11111 ยท -59 points ยท Posted at 10:49:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You would need 3 hundred trillion dollars, retard.
I_dont_follow_sports ยท 116 points ยท Posted at 10:53:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
wow... rude.. someone's not getting his million....
ssfgrgawer ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 11:00:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Im not American, can i have his?
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 11:04:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
ssfgrgawer ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 11:05:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bugger.
ExxInferis ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:38:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Walls are expensive.
11111one11111 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:13:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Twas a bit abrasive. Lo siento.
NaG_CSGO ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:07:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I upvoted you, because you seem like a good guy.
sekter ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:26:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you need more math practice m8
11111one11111 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:27:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It isn't 300 million times one million?
sekter ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:01:52 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
300x1 = 300.
Dent18 ยท -15 points ยท Posted at 14:20:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I deadass don't get inflation at all. Why wouldn't people just go about their lives, chuffed that they have some extra money, maybe buy a new TV or something?
Just because you 'feel' the money is less valuable doesn't mean you have to be a knobhead and raise prices
CWalston108 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 15:28:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Basically, if everyone suddenly had an extra million dollars, they'd go out and buy things, quit their jobs etc. The supply of goods would then decrease, causing the price to rise (supply and demand). Also, if a large number of people quit their jobs, then the supply of workers would be low. Companies would then have to offer higher salaries in order to attract a workforce.
big-fireball ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 15:56:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's not a 'feeling,' it's what actually happens.
jmlinden7 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:17:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's more money buying the same amount of goods and services. If stores didn't raise prices, there'd be shortages.
Toxicitor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:46:18 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A good way to get an understanding of inflation is to look at real-world examples of hyperinflation. For example, at one point in russia, the government was in huge debt, so they printed a bunch of money. They paid this money to the people owed it, who then spent it, and soon everyone had a tiny chunk of this extra money. People who before had pennies to their name, could now afford to fill a wheelbarrow with 100$ bills (but in russian money). So when you have a billion dollars and own a bakery, and just spent hours making bread, are you gonna accept 2$ for one of your loaves? You'd be mad to, 2$ is nothing to you, you'd be better off closing the bakery and going on holiday! And you know the customers can afford to pay more, EVERYONE is a millionaire now.
So you raise your prices to 1000$ for a loaf of bread, and it's no big deal to all the multimillionaires around you. Of course, everyone else had the same idea and if you want an apple, that'll be 2000$. Oh, and your employees want million-dollar raises now that you're charging so much for bread, and they'll starve if you don't give it to them, because all food costs as much as yours.
And next week, the government's gonna print even more money, and then you'll be a trillionaire!
TheRogueSaint88 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 13:13:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's pretty boring but a lot of it I'd donate or give to remove the stress of essentially becoming the number one target for any crime. I'd keep enough to live semi indulgently. I'd fund scientific research of cancer and other diseases that are big problems and I'd give to charities, as well as close friends and family. Would probably go to the homeless shelter and pay everyone out so they can get a house and their life.
[deleted] ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 14:17:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
JeffThePenguin ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:39:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We did it, Reddit!
Astalapista ยท 42 points ยท Posted at 11:17:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the world
[deleted] ยท 53 points ยท Posted at 12:24:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The earth is worth 3,000 trillion.. So you can by 1/3000th of the earth.
Take your pick.
Astalapista ยท 56 points ยท Posted at 12:28:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But I can buy all the people on it which is pretty much the same
[deleted] ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 13:13:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fair enough.
Cupakov ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 16:21:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you wanted to buy all the people on Earth with a trillion dollars, it would be around $143 per person, kinda low, don't you think?
ThePratoran ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:56:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You vastly overestimate the value of New Hampshirites (I prefer shire-folk) like myself.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:44:08 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You get a bulk discount.
Babayaga20000 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:42:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How the fuck did someone calculate the value of the earth?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:52:58 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Google it. I think there is a formula.
Babayaga20000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:55:54 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yea but like, how could you "buy" the earth. You cant buy a planet. At least not yet...
Siphyre ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:46:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Where did you get this number?
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 16:50:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I typed how much is the earth worth into google and that number came up... I am a simple man.
mistermannequin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:14:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll just buy the earth's crust then.
NEVERGETMARRIED ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:03:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:48:29 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well thank christ U finally appeared.
madinthehat ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 14:32:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could bail out Greece and own that.
silveraith ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:02:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Earth is worth ยฃ3000 trillion. You could, however, buy approximately half of the moon.
Toxicitor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:21:20 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't the moon the collective property of all mankind? So, uh, I'll be taking my 200$ slice now.
silveraith ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:20:40 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's actually $20 per acre. Check here.
Edit: I'm an idiot. The price varies depending on the area of the moon.
owneironaut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ZA WARUDO
p1um5mu991er ยท 45 points ยท Posted at 11:28:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd google "trillion" and figure out how many zeroes that is
Croudr ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 15:24:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A lot.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:31:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
must be like, a trillion
Raw_Venus ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 15:37:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1,000,000,000,000
benl007 ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 16:42:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A trillion zeroes? That's a long-ass number!
Damn_Croissant ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:12:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A long-ass number
LiteralPhilosopher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A long ass-number.
Tall_dark_and_lying ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:41:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Either 12 or 18. Hope that helps
p1um5mu991er ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:44:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's a start. Man, I think that means I have to use my fingers and toes. brb
dsurgen ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:37:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
12
Avalire ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:17:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Infinite zeroes + one trillion.
declared_somnium ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lots
graveybrains ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 14:06:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everthing I just read in "What is the most selfless act youve ever done?"
PinkStarr55 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 14:37:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a nice house , buy all my friends and parents nice houses . Give everything to my best friends that the could need and want , they have been the most amazing people to me and I just want to spoil them and make them happy forever , help my friend with comics he's working on, help my friend get her citizenship things like that . Send my daughter to the best possible school I can and get her the help ( she has some now but public schools can only do so much ) she needs , she is ( mildly thankfully ) autistic . Go on vacation everywhere ! Open up and animal sanctuary , donate a shit ton , probably adopt a few kids from bad situations , or third world countries and probably some shallow shit like new teeth and some lipo , hire a personal trainer go try all that dumb expensive food , maybe buy a yacht , take all the dance and art and singing classes I want to take but can't afford , stay in really expensive hotels , but an island shit like that .
Neolife ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:14:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All of this combined is probably gonna cost you about $1B. This isn't "Buy an island" money, it's "Buy a country" money. And not little shit like Lithuania. We're talking enough money to buy New Zealand, basically.
PinkStarr55 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:22:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ok maybe I'll buy two islands then and build my own privet resort that only me and my friends can use and hire staff to run and give staff really good places to live on the Island and give all my best friends so they never have to work and can just hang out with me all the time instead haha
adanceparty ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:08:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i'd just buy a decent house and have my friends live there so we could each have our own space, but still hang out all the time.
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 17:50:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep
Wake up
Order papa johns
Lawyer up
Buy Real Madrid, Manchester United, Bayern Munich, San Antonio Spurs, Dallas Stars, Dallas Cowboys, Texas Rangers
Go back to bed
foraix ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:24:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Will you pursue Yu Darvish once he hits free agency?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:17:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes.
takingphotosmakingdo ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 19:58:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First, I would verify I have full access and legal posession of said "money".
After that however long that takes I'd immidiately invest a few hundred into near term funds 2-5 year type stocks and if bonds exist at that level.
Next, I'd take about 500B and start an infrastructure investment firm. I would allow cities, communities, countries, and even independent citizens the chance to submit requests for investment as long as they met one of four potential criteria:
Does the project improve overall community transportation and operate not for profit?
Free reliable access to clean water (can be as basic as a deployable single solution like a pump jack powered by wind/solar)
Provide access to unfiltered free (or not for profit) internet (must be semi long term solution for at least 5-10 year operational capability)
Enable the unprivileged to learn STEM concepts to apply them in their community or country.
Ideally, I would approve bike infrastructure, light cheapish and reliable rail solutions, parks, schools, hacker spaces that promote collaboration rather than exploitation, and many other civilization growth focused ideas.
The rest of the funds well, I'd invest directly in a community of my choosing where internet was previously monopolized (I'd put in gig fiber AND wireless solutions), water quality is marginal, and road infrastructure is on the decline. All of which would get progressive improvements where able.
That community would be adjacent to where I'd build my compound. Yes, compound for my sanity and isolation. I would use that space as I pleased with a full development lab, data center, world class gym with pool, medical facilities, dual aircraft hangers complete with small to mid weight unattended, but secure private airport, and associated dormitories for staff and students if required. Ideally those folks would live in the town.
This would enable folks to arrange for their ideas, and maybe prototypes to be brought in for demonstrations near the flightline.
If said flightline so happens to be periodically rented for racing or events for the town, well I'm OK with that too...Maybe.
This "location" could be anywhere, but ideally I'm a stable Democratic national with a history of stability and security. Doesn't have to be any of the usual names either.
Now the conditions of said town also require some general adherence to rules such as: No criminal behavior of any kind is allowed within city limits or the compound. Software is licensed, food and drink is paid for, drugs beyond weed are banned, excessive speed past special permitted units is banned, oppressive religious activities or political behavior is "requested" to move to a designated or agreed community bldg for that group. There is no freedom to wear masks or concealing type garments to hide one's identity. If your in the community you should want to know who others faces are there too otherwise what's the point of that town?
Yes, it's hypocritical that I want private use facilities or systems, but don't want privacy to a degree in public. However, I'm footing the initial bill and eventually my facities would be made available to the town completely (hint it'll be allowed in progressive levels until I pass).
A trillion bucks is a lot of money and if properly invested could help start another micro community of progressive technological advance for all of humanity instead of other militaristic or geo political self focused capitalistic reasons.
Again, the private facilities would be not only my private use, but to nurture more "sensitive" works that need time to mature. Individuals and teams that have those areas would be given lodging on the compound until their projects and missions were accomplished. The missions would be released for free to the town, and within half a year of stable success to the world for non profit purchasing and deployment.
OK you got here tldr: I'm a frigin nice bond villain OK?
Remount_Kings_Troop_ ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 16:35:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Time Warner, fire all their customer service reps, and replace them with trained monkeys.
Watch customer satisfaction rating improve.
DylanTWD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:48:10 on March 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Time Warner Cable is now spectrum.
Remount_Kings_Troop_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:55:36 on March 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Time Warner, Satan, Spectrum...whatever.
DylanTWD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:08:47 on March 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
True! They're absolutely garbage, except for the news channel.
MissBitch25 ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 12:49:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a house for myself. Buy my sister and her husband new cars. Pay off my nephew's college. Donate a nice chunk to the humane society, then put the rest away. Oh, and get another tattoo.
686t ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:41:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What are you going to do with the 999 billion you have left?
dugant195 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:13:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
By the time u did that you would have gained money on interest alone. If you did all that at the same exact time....u would still have paid it off with juat interest
PM_ME_CUTE_PUPPYS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:28:03 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get a full body tattoo!
[deleted] ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 14:24:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to taco bell and order something that's not on the dollar menu.
Salgado14 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:09:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You anarchist.
pm-me-ya-booty ยท 56 points ยท Posted at 10:33:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy one trillion dollars worth of lottery tickets
Mild_pain ยท 71 points ยท Posted at 11:18:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Let's say you bought that many tickets. And then won. You wouldn't win back every dollar you spent. You'd lose money
pm-me-ya-booty ยท 69 points ยท Posted at 11:19:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah but I still one the lottery..... so theres that...
Electric_Evil ยท 144 points ยท Posted at 11:33:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah but what if you two the lottery?
Lars2500 ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 13:37:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pff. Not even three the lottery... thats pathetic
captainsalmonpants ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:54:27 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That would be good four the lottery.
havensal ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:50:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What if he three the lottery?
SirJohannvonRocktown ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:48:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gross
geniel1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:00:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's the joke.
aqouta ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:34:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All with the same number.
I_Regret_My_Sarcasm ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:44:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you play the Mega Millions only when the final lump payout (after taxes) is worth more than $259 Million. You can buy 1 ticket of every possible number. Guaranteed win unless something is wrong with my arithmetic.
Kai2525 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 14:36:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would immediately commission the development of a Googolplex supercomputer.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 17:04:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tell you what I'd do man... two chicks at the same time.
clamington_diggerson ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 17:08:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You don't need a trillion dollars to do that.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 17:19:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You do if you look like me
Labotomi ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 17:58:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Become the biggest piece of white trash this world has ever seen
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 12:08:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Try to find a way to hide it all.
Dittro ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 14:27:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get a girlfriend
juicius ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:23:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"You just woke up a girlfriend of a trillionaire. What would you do?"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:34:53 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Marry and divorce
[deleted] ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 17:19:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Money isn't the reason you don't have a girlfriend, thinking like that is the reason you don't have a girlfriend.
annoyingone ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 15:22:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give my wife half and say get the fuck out.
CanadianGuy116 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 16:28:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd have to dig up that reddit thread where the guy broke down exactly what to do if you won the lottery.
Edit: This one
CrownandCoke87 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:14:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for the link! That was a great read.
CanadianGuy116 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:16:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's the most useful information that I'm never going to need
CrownandCoke87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:05:55 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once told that if you ever win the lottery (10M+) to take all but a couple hundred thousand and put it into 6 month Bonds or GIC's to give yourself time to figure out what to do with. This also leaves you with 300K to blow on anything you can think of.
Steph635 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:50:43 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's brilliant. I read the whole thing too.
Tomoshen ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 11:43:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to NZ
TA4K ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:15:41 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We even have internet and power in most of our cities now!
scornucopia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With a bank account that's more than five times their GDP :)
hatsnatcher23 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:10:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd become Batman.
NuclearPowerRanger ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:05:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Finally. I've been scrolling down these indulgent answers looking for this one.
Avalain ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:20:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would probably build a ton of solar and wind energy, as well as invest in Tesla to help them build up the super charging stations. Perhaps it would flood the market with electricity, which I'd subsidize in hopes of putting the coal plants out of business.
I'd also open a foundation to pull countries out of extreme poverty.
Nopixels24 ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 10:39:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not go to fuckin work.
[deleted] ยท 143 points ยท Posted at 12:13:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Finance the british government and nonchalantly slip my way into a benevolent dictatorship.
Actually give the NHS some funding.
Change school policy to teach evolution only.
Outlaw smoking entirely.
Lower the taxes universally.
Implement a better housing resolve giving people who house share some benefits. And an outreach program to help homeless people get houses.
Close all the goddamn loopholes for big business.
Give internet privacy.
Etc.
airwalkerdnbmusic ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 12:41:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reduce beer duty to zero? Scrap all speed cameras? Make the speed limit 80?
[deleted] ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 13:12:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No. Reduce drinking age to 16 (they drink anyway so why the fuck not charge em properly)
Reduce beer duty a little
Speed cameras stay but you can't be ticketed for being caught on camera alone.
Speed limit will be unlimited on certain roads like the german autobahn.
airwalkerdnbmusic ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 13:18:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good compromise.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:23:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like your suggestions but with the vote thing.. What if I made it painfully easy for people to vote. Like put an automatic and easy to use voting booth on every street like the old payphones that used to hang around.
And the booth allows you to login with your name and [some private credential] and you can vote on literally any legislation that is up for vote.
Also I make a website which what is up for vote and a friendly explanation as to what said thing actually means in layman's terms.
airwalkerdnbmusic ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 13:25:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That day...shall be known as the end of days.
Nah actually people would still make excuses and forget to vote in their millions, or they would get vandalised or hacked or stolen or ringfenced by gangs extorting people.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 13:50:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make them white and graffiti-able for all
Bolt em to the floor
I'm rich I can pay people to constantly be upping the security
Ringfenced by gangs... Have you been to England??
airwalkerdnbmusic ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:40:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I live there.
NotRussianLizard ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:28:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't abolish VAT, but limit it to exclusively "unwarranted luxuries". No, biscuits are tax free - but not private jets.
airwalkerdnbmusic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:15:07 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You would cause uproar nationally deciding what is a "luxury" item. Its too open to misinterpretation. Nice idea though. Perhaps we can calculate who has to pay VAT based on how much income tax they pay?
Damn_Croissant ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:08:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Explain....
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:51:13 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was high.
Alucard_draculA ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 17:51:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Imagining a school that teaches only a unit on evolution and nothing else - no other subjects.
declared_somnium ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 18:04:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As a smoker, you'll have fucking riots when the cravings kick in, and a huge illegal market for cigarettes and tobacco.
You want to ban it, tax the fuck out of it.
Dent18 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 16:01:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldn't outlaw smoking. I was planning on removing all minimum ages, legalizing all drugs, giving pardons to people with drug charges.
A very libertarian dictatorship
[deleted] ยท -9 points ยท Posted at 16:27:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Marijuana is fine. Tobacco is fucking stupid.
ThatFlyingWaffle ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 17:28:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Doesn't matter if you think it's stupid,millions of people are addicted to smoking and do not want to quit.
If you make tobacco illegal it would result in mass increase of incarceration rates,violent rioting and more importantly,contraband meaning more power and money to organized crime and gangs. Do you really think it's a good idea?
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 11:45:50 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think it's a good idea but I will do it anyway.
kuroimakina ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:35:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I really don't understand this mindset that people have where they're so pro-weed but think tobacco should be illegal. It literally makes no sense. You would be creating the exact same problems as you are so out to solve by legalizing weed - only they'd be even worse because tobacco is actually really freaking addictive. Did you learn nothing from history class with prohibition. Honestly - every time someone says "weed should be legal, but tobacco should be illegal" i just imagine a stoner between 16-22 who doesn't understand how the world works, and is just envisioning this great society where they can get high every day, but those evil tobacco products are magically gone. Sorry for the personal jab, but, really. I see this all the time and it makes literally 0 sense.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:55:26 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well. I am looking from a health perspective. Weed might have ill effects for the user. Tobacco has proven ill effects for the user and everyone around them.
Granted I don't take things like addicted people or the sheer amount of money said product rakes in into account.
Wilikersthegreat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I agree on a personal level but outlawing things is good for nobody except the criminals that sell the stuff
ringo_24601 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:41:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't get too upset - but 1 trillion dollars is only enough to fund the NHS for 7 years. Sure, you could do a lot of good in terms of NHS infrastructure (e.g. build a bunch of hospitals) but you can't do THAT much with a trillion dollars.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:47:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What if I trillions my way into politics as opposed to just funding it myself. It means I couldn't lower taxes but I could try moving money around.
ringo_24601 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:51:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could fund a political party, sure, but there are limits to the amount spent on election advertising - http://www.electoralcommission.org.uk/find-information-by-subject/political-parties-campaigning-and-donations/political-party-spending-at-elections
pondlife78 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:44:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think if you ran with a credible campaign saying that you will personally pay for the deficit then you'd have a pretty good shot. You could also recruit a load of specialists (ideally people with existing name recognition like Steven Hawking as shadow science minister or Gary Lineker for sport) on high wages as MPs and parachute them into seats. You would have enough money for a solid advertising campaign, so people should at least be aware of your party.
ringo_24601 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:24:56 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I guess you could probably pay off 1/2 the national debt (ยฃ1.7 Trillion) and still have 200 billion quid to play with. Wonder what the country would do with that.
Maybe throw in a few billion quid to build some nice shiny new hospitals
StickitFlipit ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:09:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You seriously overestimate a trillion dollars
Wilikersthegreat ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:21:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Im on board with everything except more prohibition, we all should know by now all that is going to accomplish is funding of cigarette cartels
JellyKaques ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:02:51 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hmm. So you don't like smoking. Neither do I, but why would you force people not to do it?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:47:03 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah. It's not for them. It's for me. I don't want to walk around in second hand smoke and see cigarrette buts lining the floor.
Atsusaki ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Lower taxes universally." right, roads pay for themselves.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:51:45 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a trillionaire. I'll pave your roads buddy.
Atsusaki ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:15:17 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But the question is can you get construction workers to do it in less than 10 years?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:20:25 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can do 11 and not a day sooner.
Atsusaki ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:32:47 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
:/ you a Canadian too I see
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 16:01:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit. We have the exact same ideas!
E1294726gerw-090 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:58:08 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha nice.
Good idea.
Awesome!
Fuck you.
NegroHomosexual ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 14:10:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep because I no longer need my shitty job
ReconSnipes ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:59:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ugh it's a Friday, and I have an exam.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:33:49 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your performance on the exam wouldn't matter if you had a trillion dollars.
Toxicitor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:54:18 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy your school. Give yourself an A. Rock up to the exam and start moonwalking while blasting Never Gonna Give You Up over the PA.
Prownilo ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 13:11:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Declare myself the winner
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:24:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy a house for my family, somewhere central but with a yard. I might actually build that house and while it's being build live in the awesome apartment I'll also buy. Then I'd buy all the fancy equipment for my photographer husband and subscribe my son to all the fancy schools. Then I'd put a sum of money away - enough to never needing to work again - and donate the rest/give to people I care for/take a bath in it. And then travel the damn world for a bit before having all the babies and enjoying my life.
Now I'm sad.
leagaleagle ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:08:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, considering that 1 trillion would make me a target, here's how I'd go about my day, assuming I'm the only one who knows about my new wealth, and that no one will find out until I start to take actions that indicate that I'm now worth a trillion dollars:
Wake up as usual, make breakfast, shower, head to work. Begin seeking legal advice and financial advice, but lie about how much I've inherited: a fairly well-off uncle passed away, and I'm anticipating a 7-figure inheritance. Find a good attorney, and find good protection services.
Next I'd seek out encryption/security experts who can help me have the safest possible online presence, and who can make sure this 1 trillion isn't easily accessed. I'm still not admitting how much there is. I'm sure at this point anyone tracking my interactions will think there's something fishy going on, but hopefully they don't know the extent of it, and I can get protection in place before anyone finds out I'm now worth 1/20 of US public debt.
Now, let's say it's noon and all of that is squared away. I'm transferring 250K to my checking account, paying off my student loans, and buying a new Audi for shits and giggles, and then setting up a fund/corporation that will hold most of this damn money. I'm also working with my new team of people to split this money into several different types: gold, bitcoin, digital currency, US and foreign cash, etc, and it's getting split into different locations.
Now, assuming everything is squared away and I can move about without stressing that I'm about to get killed or robbed, I'm meeting up with my parents and transferring 15 million into their savings accounts and paying off their house, and transferring the same amount to my siblings. What are they going to do with a billion? Who knows, we'll worry about it later. I'm also paying off all the debt of my close friends, whether that's house, school, medical, anything, and giving each of them one million in college funds for their kids. Let's say that by the end of it all I've spent 100 million in a day. A lot, but it's a lot of stuff checked off. I've also 100% quit my job, and here's what comes next:
I hire people who will train me to be good at what I want to do in life: programming, database design, skiing, climbing, gymnastic strength, etc. Plus personal chefs and such. Not that I want restricted autonomy, but why go to school when I can get the best tutors?
Take 2 months off work to travel and have fun before trying to build and start my own business. Life is miserable if you're just doing leisure 100% of the time.
Start getting lobbyists who will help influence politics the way I want them to go. Make friends with politicians and business leaders.
Hang out with Elon Musk
Buy a Singer Vehicle Design Porsche, those things are beautiful
Figure out how to build an effective philanthropy organization to start giving this money away in a responsible way
matruschkasized ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 10:37:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Free solar shingles for everyone...
MeesterGone ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 16:54:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How about free gigabit internet with no data cap for everyone, too? And truly unlimited data plans for cell phones with no throttling?
Damn_Croissant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:14:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd try to get the US Gov to work with me to subsidize companies who provide gigabit lines to metro and suburban areas.
LiteralPhilosopher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:57:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A trillion isn't gonna be enough for that, I don't think. I mean, it divides out to $133 per person, worldwide. That's not gonna buy that much internet.
matruschkasized ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:14:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eh no....
If people can harvest their own energy that would be a global game changer.
A lot of people can't deal with the immense amount of available information as is.
Yes economies will have to change a lot, but the amount of damage we do to our own environment now is unsustainable.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:19:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is a good idea! I need to add that to my list.
bozokeating ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:42:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everybody gets nailed!
LiteralPhilosopher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:59:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Everyone"? as in, the whole world? A trillion divides out to $133 per person on the world scale. Solar installs at around $5/watt right now ... so everyone gets maybe 25W?
Toxicitor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:51:00 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, buy bulk and set up a renewable power station in every city.
poopellar ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 11:05:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a boat.
bozokeating ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:49:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or you know what, maybe even 2 boats.
Or not.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:22:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That would be one hell of a big boat.
lobotomyjones ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:17:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just buy Britain and call it a boat.
apaandmomo ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:04:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pinch Myself. Im probably still sleeping
MyFirstOtherAccount ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:29:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Talk to the bank to make sure this is real and then vomit from the anxiety I get waiting for the CRA to show up at my door...
NimbleTheNoble ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:36:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time.
rngtrtl ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:36:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i think i would buy puerto rico.
APUSHMeOffACliff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:51:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If we're going off of GDP, you could buy Puerto Rico 7.9 times over.
rngtrtl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:22:00 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think PR would make a sweet little get away place to own. :)
Reviax- ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:45:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bring back Tower prep
Probably buy a house far far away from where I'm at now.... Like maybe 3 km away... Yeah that sounds good
BluntTruthGentleman ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:54:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
** Two chicks at the same time man **
natigin ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:11:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Figure out who is going to murder me first.
CrownandCoke87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:18:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You can hire a team of assassins to hunt down and kill your future murderer and use that as a deterrent.
acorngirl ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:39:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm going to build a community for my friends and family to live in. A wonderful place with a gym, indoor swimming pool, clubhouse with a big kitchen, park, etc. Big art studio, blacksmithing shop, community gardens, and camping areas.
All the houses will be handicapped accessible so nobody has to move because of age or health problems. We'll have solar panels and sustainable materials and super fast WiFi throughout the neighborhood.
I'll pay people to run the gym, etc... landscaping and housekeeping services will be available to everyone in the community, and the employees will be paid very well and have full benefits.
It will be a designated wildlife reserve. Deer and birds and trash pandas everywhere. We'll just need high fences around the gardens.
Then... I guess a bunch of travel and charity work. I've got everything I want that money can buy at that point, and the trillion dollars will keep generating more money, so I can help tons of people indefinitely. I'll spend the rest of my life learning new things, making art, and doing good.
TheBoctor ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:51:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd hire a lawyer, an accountant, and a hardcore, double tapping, body stacking personal protection team before I even rolled over in bed and informed my wife and cat.
Toirneach ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:36:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Troll the SCROTUS hard for being A Poor.
willowmarie27 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 14:19:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy a country. Somewhere warm.
PapaQuesh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:43:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ecuador, perhaps?
Allegiance10 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 14:47:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would spend the day searching for companies to build my dream house/garage. It will be on the coast of Maine near Old Orchard Beach. Three bedroom, two full bath, one half-bath. Living room will have a loft/balcony in it to the upstairs. To the right side of the house, a large six car garage with a mechanic area for parts/work/repairs and whatnot.
In said garage, I will have all bays filled with: 2017 Audi R8 V10 Plus (stock), 2016 Jeep Grand Cherokee SRT (American Racing Torque Thrust II 20' rims), 1992 Nissan Skyline GTR R32 (stock), 1969 Chevrolet Camaro RS (custom body kit), 1985 Toyota Hilux 4x4 (three inch lift, wider tires, lightbar, push bar), 1985 Toyota Sprinter Trueno GT Apex [AE86] (full Origin body kit, Rays TE37V 17' rims). Lastly, a 2014 Honda CBR650F and 2016 BMW R1200 GS Adventure in the empty space by the mechanic area.
Give some of the money to each of my close friends and family, as well as buy my mom, dad, step-dad, brother, and two best friends their dream cars.
Never work for the rest of my life.
EDIT: This is all, of course, assuming it's in USD.
scornucopia ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:59:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But what would you do with the other $999,900,000,000? You could easily do all of that with $100,000,000 (0.01%).
Irrelevant_User ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:00:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think people realize how much money one trillion really is. Maine's GDP in 2015 was $50 billion, so he could probably just buy Maine.
Allegiance10 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:12:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Like I said, give some to family and friends. I didn't say how much. ;)
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:22:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would probably splurge for the extra half bath if I were you.
Allegiance10 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:36:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah man. The half would be downstairs, both full upstairs. One for the two smaller bedrooms, one for the master.
EDIT: Dammit. I get it now.
Taxtro1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:26:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That doesn't even scratch the surface of a trillion. You might as well answer the question: "What would you buy with a million dollars?" with "a hamburger".
Allegiance10 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:07:05 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whoever said I needed to spend the full trillion? Couldn't I just have a large pile of cash in the basement to stare at?
Taxtro1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:22:25 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That would have to be a huge vault rather than a basement.
Allegiance10 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:24:04 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I could have a rather large basement with that much cash.
Nunke1 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 11:56:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would immediately go pick up my boyfriend without warning, and leave to another country with him. Start a new, happy, awesome life.
SandorTheLumberjack ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:58:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Try to figure out how the hell I got 1 trillion dollars
mrjt513 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:02:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a shit load of cocaine, order some hookers & ring Charlie sheen see if he wants to party.
Gw1zz007 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:11:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or share his Aids.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:38:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would travel the world. Not in a touristy kind of way but go from city to city at my leisure, probably hire some guides, eat all the good food, see anything I wanted to see.
Taxtro1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:21:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's exactly what tourists do. Going from city to city at their leisure. Hiring guides. Eating all the good food. And seeing anything they want to see.
That's pretty much the DEFINITION of tourism.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:41:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to college
ShockinglyEfficient ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:18:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You'd probably still have to keep your normal job
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:29:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a student currently. If I don't go to work while going to school, it wouldn't be hugely suspicious as it would be if I was a working adult who just stopped adulting.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:59:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:38:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Crash the world economy.
ShockinglyEfficient ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The United States is 19.964 trillion in debt. I wonder how much effect your 1 trillion would have? Like it wouldn't fix anything but you can pay back a lot of things for the government.
komanti123 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:59:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
finally afford a starbucks venti
sweetmercy ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:39:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The first thing would be to fully fund my daughter's education, and buy her a house. Second would be to buy my parents a house tailored to their needs (my dad's health is failing). Third would be to buy a cafe on the west coast, and a small bungalo with room for an art studio so I can spend my days cooking, baking, painting and sculpting.
With the other $990million, I'd invest a large chunk to be able to care for my family and friends when they need it, and then give large chunks to Planned Parenthood and a couple of shelters for victims of domestic violence that I've worked with. And possibly start my own program for those families.
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 10:33:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
buy Europe and paint it purple.
TheWinterKing ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 11:03:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think you're overestimating what you can buy with a trillion dollars.
bozokeating ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:46:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He didn't say for how long, he could probably rent Europe for a little while.
Send_Me__Corgi_Gifs ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:01:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He could buy Greece maybe
insertnameforreddit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:32:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lichtenstein for sure
ShockinglyEfficient ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:24:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Only 6 countries in Europe have a GDP of over a trillion. You could buy a sizable amount of Europe.
TheWinterKing ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:32:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, leaving aside the fact that you can't actually buy countries, if you could, the price would be enormously higher than the country's GDP.
ShockinglyEfficient ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you payed the debts of Greece for example, you could own the country. Force them to sign an agreement handing over Greek sovereignty to you if you bail them out.
TheWinterKing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:03:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It really doesn't work like that. Paying off a country's debt wouldn't grant you sovereignty over that country, any more than Greece's current creditors 'own' Greece.
ShockinglyEfficient ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:05:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They would do it for the bailout
TheWinterKing ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:31:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No mate. They wouldn't.
ShockinglyEfficient ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:37:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Those dirty Greeks. They'd do it.
kewko ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:27:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out
Taxtro1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:24:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A trillion doesn't accomplish the physically impossible.
Money is only worth something, because of other people accepting it's worth. It doesn't magically bind others to your will.
gwh21 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 11:39:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For me:
Houses/Condo's: Seattle, San Diego, New York, Miami, London, Hong Kong, and Sydney. Cabin somewhere in the middle of nowhere Montana on a whole bunch of land.
2 cars each, appropriate for location.
Private Jet
200 foot yacht
Private security of ex Navy Seals
and a vasectomy after getting an ample amount frozen
Shit, that leaves me with only 998 billion (minimum)
For the world:
Oh I don't know, solve a majority of problems facing mankind and the environment without dropping below 200 billion...probably ever
Honest_Honne ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:31:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's no way you'd even crack 999 billion with that list. Unless you tip your guard 10 figures.
gwh21 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:59:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry, I have never really priced out how much a billion dollars would get me. I guess I just need to needlessly customize everything to crack that billion dollar mark.
justanotherimbecile ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:12:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You see, I wouldn't just buy a House in Seattle, I'd buy the Space Needle... Knock it down and put a small European Castle There, same with the First National Bank Center (SD), the Empire State Building, and so on... I'm talking like $50M homes on the sites of hundred million dollar buildings...
Vehicles would include Ford GT's and Kreisel electric G wagons...
It wouldn't just be some stupid learjet, it'd be a $150M Boeing 747-8 Business Jet... and a stupid learjet to go to airports too small to fit my main jet.
My yacht wouldn't be 200 feet, it'd be a private Harmony of the Seas with no less than 6 helipads. $2B on its own...
Private security is expensive... Say you hire a SEAL at only $50k/yr...
You also need a vehicle, a JLTV is $400k, lasts 10 years and fits 4. $10k/yr/guard.
Weapons, an M4, Glock 21, Lethal and NonLethal Mossburg 500's, as well as ammunition and accessories will run $15k/guard.
Training can run $10k/yr, cause you don't want them to get lazy.
Non weapons gear such as ballistic protection, visual gear, and uniforms are easily $30k/guard.
You need at least 1 helicopter, 2 boats, and two planes to protect your assets while you're travelling. $10M, $500k, $60M.
And you need more than just one or 2... it'd take 4 to staff around the clock, two squads of six mean you're employing 100 guards.
Almost $70M by the time you're building outposts and other infrasture, plust $10m/year...
It'd be easy to hit over $2B...
Honest_Honne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:45:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Okay. I get that you're trying to be edgy but you entirely missed the point. I said:
You changed pretty much everything on the original list to make it more expensive. The guy said he'd buy houses/condos in each of those places. You changed it to an observation tower, a castle, a bank, a skyscraper, etc. Instead of a private jet, you opted for a commercial jet AND a private jet. This is the best part. On the list, the guy says "200 ft. yacht", you BLATANTLY say "My yacht wouldn't be 200 feet". You couldn't be more explicitly off-list than that. Even though you embellished how much goes into private security, it doesn't really matter on the scale of billions. You then added vehicles that somehow protect your assets? You have no clue what protecting your assets means... You just threw in a random number of each vehicle to sound edgy.
But the best part is your guess at all the rates.
fed45 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:21:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Upvoted for at least thinking of more than "pay off my debt buy parents house".
Damn_Croissant ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:15:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Change the English rules of grammar: check. :)
Also, the Navy Seal thing is a cool idea.
Have your own private airport built out there.
mike1883 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 10:43:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build my dream home and get away from everyone.
ray9 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 11:55:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The real tough question is 'what you wouldn't do?'.
AdamBombTV ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 16:01:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give to a political party
finance gun runners
use it to try and reanimate the dead
stick it up my arse and try to vomit it up
Theres quite a lot I wouldn't do with it.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:25:56 on March 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i dunno...that whole reanimate the dead thing has potential...
juicius ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:21:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your mum.
Not anymore anyway.
MrZer0x ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:16:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably stay In bed and shop online and buy anything I remotely like. Oh and get my mum a nice house somewhere warm and tropical, she's deserves it :)
Edit: A word.
Anti-Antidote ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:52:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Best get her a house in Sierra Leone, I heard they have really good healthcare there
Noma1990 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:07:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
-Make sure my family never goes hungry again.
-Buy my SO and I a ticket to New Zealand(we're huge LOTR nerds and want to visit Hobbit town)
-Use half of it to begin helping homeless people Across Ontario
-Buy a small piece of land and build a cozy farm on it with a nice free range chicken coupe
-Adopt two beautiful dogs
-Begin seriously writing the novel I've been slowly chipping away at for the last 7 years
-Always wanted to get into hunting and survival. So I would probably get my PaL and some hunting/survival equipment
-Archery lessons
That's all I can think of right now.
stupid_sexyflanders ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:04:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You realize almost your entire list is stuff you can do without a trillion dollars?
Noma1990 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:18:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Of course, most of those things are the important things to me. I'm not one for material items. And the things on my list I could do without a trillion dollars, however they would take time. With the money I could do it all right away.
ShockinglyEfficient ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:11:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You haven't put a dent in it
Noma1990 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:16:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, there is definitely more I could add to the list. Like starting a business, investing in the stock market, becoming involved in the community more. Private donations.
I've always wanted a nice cottage with a few boats, hell maybe I'd even buy a whole lake.
DmitriTheRemover ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 13:21:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give it back.
I'm not fucking with someone that just loses a trillion dollars like that.
Toxicitor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:56:52 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bill gates looks at you, shrugs, and tells you he already magicked another trillion into existence, and you can keep yours as long as you don't mess up the economy or tell anyone wizards exist.
penguin_bercuese ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:17:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
sell everything go abroad traveling and vlog doing ridiculously dangerous activities
simponski124 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:50:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why would you sell everything??? You realize you have enough money to spend ~$35 million a day for ~75 years?
penguin_bercuese ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:28:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know, but this way I could live anywhere without hassle. Of course I'd have a pc of something but yeah.
BoredOldGuy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:50:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably die of a heart attack.
GodOfBeverages ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:08:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd get a nice stable of supercars
magby200 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:56:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could spend 1% of your money on supercars and already buy more cars you could ever drive
ShockinglyEfficient ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:16:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could buy all the supercar companies and force the prices down to 10,000 a car. You'd run yourself out of business but how hilarious would it be for a bunch of McLarens to be driven around by ordinary people?
GodOfBeverages ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:03:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have to see that. Sounds fucking hilarious.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:37:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fund a Halo TV and movie franchise with competent actors and writers.
*edit
Oh and it will be Blur studios animation.
Toxicitor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:16:38 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Today I met a /u/aurorahalsey, and then you. Halo is awesome, but why all the love?
Also, competent isn't good enough, this is a trillion dollars. Hire all the best actors in hollywood and get it to god-tier quality.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:31:11 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well given the track record with Halo series budget and end result obviously a few dozen million isn't enough to get competent writers and actors let alone CG.
Why the love for ONI or Halo? ONI is a fantastic narrative device and Halo is awesome in how grounded it tries to be despite the setting.
Euchre ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:43:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wonder what the hell happened overnight to cause that kind of hyperinflation.
AlfonsoPooPooPatty3 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:47:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It would make waking up this morning bearable to wake up tomorrow stupidly rich...
justjoshingu ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:08:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
two chicks at one time peter
Mad_Mordenkainen ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:19:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One trillion? Obviously all the "I've got money now wooohoo" stuff but more seriously:
Start a new political party in my country. Our prime minister is an 18th century aristocratic fop who wants to let the poor eat cake. We've lost 1 man, one vote in one state and state governments are creating recessions where there should be a boom. Our environmental treasures are being destroyed by greedy fossil fuel companies.
If I had 1 trillion it would be unbelievably selfish to not use that money to try and change where I live for the better.
Yum4pi ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:39:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd donate half of it to various charities, and I'd make music for the rest of my life. However, I wouldn't flaunt my wealth, and if anything i'd lie about it to my friends and family. In my will i would donate all my assets to various other charities, and basically make the world a better place quietly.
FlygonsGonnaFly ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:27:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 chicks at the same time, man.
TheJuniorControl ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:00:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job. Focus all available resources on solving the world's energy crisis.
NZT-48Rules ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:21:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a private island and start importing every endangered species I can.
sheetola ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:25:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get an escort. Its hard getting girls as a guy who doesnt want friends.
Tivia ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:37:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wake up, go pee, crawl back in bed. With that kind of money I don't have to give a shit what anyone else wants.
LOLIMNOTTHATGUY ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:14:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd outbid the lobbyists and buy back our politicians.
That's not riches, that's power money.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:19:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually.. there's nothing I can think of that would make me happy except quitting the college so I could lay in bed 24/7.
Shitty_Google_Bot ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:29:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Afford Healthcare and an iPhone.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:29:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Reddit then post about buying Reddit.
mia_san_max ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:35:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my student loans in mixed change (all of one coin is easy to weigh to figure out the amount). I want to make the loan servicer cry.
indigoreality ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:05:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time man
720Redditor ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:05:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Feed and house the homeless in the United States...
Slong427 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:11:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd offer Trump 1 billion dollars to shave his head to make it look like he were bald, then after he's shaved his head I would not pay him any money. I would then spend the money on a long drawn out legal battle over him shaving his head.
TheEpic5Miner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:43:37 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
or you could just give him 1/1000th of your wealth on a case that you're going to lose and owe him more money..
Slong427 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:46:39 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He'd finally be bald.
gdan95 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:52:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a better president
gingerroute ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:39:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wonder WTF I did last night.
manchEsther ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:44:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ha! Good point. And what would you come up with?
gingerroute ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:54:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I probably was drugged. Agreed to be a hitman. Killed a Drug Lord. Robbed their mansion. Ordered pizza. Went to bed. Now I'm here with a bank account of nine hundred ninety-nine billion nine hundred ninety-nine million nine hundred ninety-nine thousand nine hundred eighty. Because minus $20 for pizza.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:49:49 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
{Supposing I had physical control of the 1 trillion dollars in cash or gold and it's not just credit}
Step 1. Give 30 mil each to my closest people
Step 2. Buy a really nice purple suit
Step 3. Buy some really nice weed and pills
Step 4. Buy several private armies and several country's militaries
Step 5. Declare war on the banks and lay siege to their homes
Step 6. Invest the rest in bribing my several secrete successors to continue the war after my eventual assassination
Brendanisafag ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 10:33:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Be like.. "someone fuckeeed uuuppppp"
El_Barto_227 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:02:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Besides putting it in an offshore account to prevent confiscation etc and gettimg a good lawyer;
Gold Nintendo Switch. Made with real gold instead of plastic.
Also maybe take over reddit and mass shadowban the_donald users for the lulz. The aftermath would be the funniest thing ever.
Toxicitor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:44:38 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once posted a meme making fun of trump there and it got a few upvotes, am I banned?
El_Barto_227 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:48:51 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
nah you're good.
peewinkle ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 13:30:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy reddit and ban users that ask cliche questions like this one.
CaptainWarped ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:05:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Someone pissed in your cheerios this morning, didn't they?
AANickFan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good idea.
Toxicitor ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 11:01:09 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well I'll use my trillion dollars to outbid you, and give this guy gold for all the fun his question has given me. And I'll hire a bodyguard to protect your cheerios.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:28:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i would hire a lawyer to do my talking for me and disappear
_BumGun ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 11:21:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hookers and blow man - if it ain't broke don't fix it
The_Godlike_Zeus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:24:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Freak out.
crusty_peach ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:58:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep since I won't have to work
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:56:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy and fortify, I'll build up a whole castlesque fortresses with everything you'll need to live and land to grow things then begin hoarding for survival. I'd want to own a small mountain and it's surrounding land I think a trillion would be more than enough for building and development of it even if it was raw ground
scornucopia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:19:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There are plenty of places in the US where you can get land for as little as $1,000/acre. You could literally buy 20 square miles in each of Oregon, Idaho, Wyoming, Montana, and Florida for $100,000,000 and still have 99.99% of your money left over.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:25:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then I shall build a grander fortification, the farm houses will have gilded countertops.
A microstate
scornucopia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:45:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could put a 40' high concrete wall around every one of the 5 properties (assuming they're square) for less than $2 billion. You still have $997 billion to spend on gilded countertops :)
madinthehat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:28:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Continue school and get a degree, then buy a jet and a couple of apartments abroad and get to traveling.
Strawberry_backhand ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:40:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why finish school with a degree if you have more money than anyone could possibly dream of?
madinthehat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:50:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I already started it so I might as well finish it.
VellDarksbane ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:38:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Panic.
BobatSpears ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:40:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anything I want!
Nash_Rambler ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:43:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Find someplace to hide, fast.
dorkdiariesisforboys ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:43:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate 500 billion of it to charities and investment. Give 250 billion of it to family. Use the rest to buy useless shit.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:50:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would help everyone in my family. Make sure that my father gets the care that he needs, get them a new house, new car, etc...
I'd buy houses with my partner, in locations we've always wanted to visit. And I'd help his family, too.
It's a pretty generic response, I know...but I care more for them than I do myself.
mag1xs ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:51:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Email my boss "not coming in today, or ever.. won money" and then proceed to buy a few houses and jack the garages up with cars I've always dreamt about having but will never have..
imagine_that376 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:54:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wpuld quit work, invest in charities and scientific research. Basically try to make the world a better place.
Cegrus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:55:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Move to the coast in the Gulf of Mexico, fly my parents down to pick out the house I'm buying them, and start working on my body.
FearorCourage ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:55:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Immediately look into where it came from, since it's probably a mistake, and one trillion dollars puts a giant target on my back. Like, was it a bank error? Did I stumble upon a stash of, like, mob money? Either way I don't do a damn thing until I'm 100 percent sure it's on the up-and-up, and the source of the money isn't going to come around looking.
wonderwallpersona ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:56:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Destabilize the world's economy.
therealdumgi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:57:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a car that turns into a boat.
johnny_qcb ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:57:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing.
andrew200416 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:58:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Wyoming
scornucopia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:24:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What would you do with the other 90% of the money? ;)
pizza-drop ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:59:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Worry.
hazelnut_coffay ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:59:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm going to put it all into a very low-yield bond.
workaccount213 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:03:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would hire a lot of private investigators and a whole lot of actors. The lives of everyone around me would get much more interesting.
Charnt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:05:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Try and fix the politics of my country. With money comes power. And that's a lot of power my friend
Weeaboounlimited ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:12:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd give my immediate family a billion dollars each, donate millions to various organizations and quit my job. Buy a castle in Europe and leave there until the end of my days.
StolenDrinks ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:18:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have them exchanged for some superior Europe dollars.
PatrickBecerra ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:20:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm the guy who would quit his job in a spectacular fashion. People would talk about me for years.
Guses ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:36:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a dictionary so that I know how to spell tomorrow.Screw that I am rich now. Spend as much as I need to in order to actually change the spelling of tomorrow to tommorow!
SunnySanFran ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:50:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Settle down, Betsy.
RyanMobeer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:36:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Live on a nice yacht. Probably become an alcoholic.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:41:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start my plan to take over the world! ๐ I think I have a pretty good plan.
Killerporn69 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:48:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hookers n blow
AlexisDreamer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:51:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire a lawyer. Hire realtor. Pay off my cars. Open college fund for kids. Get full custody. Buy house. Donate to children's hospital. In that order because the lawyer and realtor needed a moment to do their jobs.
jcpmojo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:58:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First thing is to keep it a secret. Then quit my job, buy a nicer house with some land and privacy, but not a huge mansion, just one big enough for my family with some room. Then plan a nice vacation. Then hire one of my oldest friends who's a financial manager to start figuring out an investment strategy, paying him too much so he and his family are set for life, as well.
derpyderpyerpyyerp ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:10:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
fill up my car without even a glance at the fuel prices.
ncurry18 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:11:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First, I'd pay off all the debts of everyone I know. Then, I'd write a check to my parents for $100 billion, and one to both of my brothers for $50 billion. Then, I would donate $100 million to every charity I like. I would then form an endowment fund of $10 billion with set payouts to my home town to stimulate the economy. I would then pay off all current debts of my home state of WV and form a similar endowment fund, but with $100 billion. So far, I have distributed $340.1 billion assuming $100m in debts of people I know, and $25b in debt of my state.
Next, I would form a holding company to manage the many businesses I would buy. Let's say I spend a total of $300 billion on the company and the businesses. The criteria for the businesses would be that they have to be awesome. This would include anything from restaurants to race tracks. $600.1bn so far.
After that, I would form a personal wealth company to handle my personal property, because then I would splurge. I would buy a home in every place I think is cool. Monaco, Paris, London, the Scottish Highlands, Istanbul, NYC, LA, Alaska, Tokyo, and so on. The goal is 20 different homes/condos/flats/penthouses. Let's say it costs me an average of $15m per home. I would then buy a massive tract of land and build my dream home. This one would cost $250m and would be equipped with all sorts of home automation. At this home would be a personal airfield and a collection of garages and hangars. That would all cost around $3bn. I would then buy cars and airplanes, amassing the largest collection I could bear. This would cost about $10bn. Lastly, I would buy a yacht. Not one that's too big, but big enough to sail across oceans and loaded with the same automation from my home. I'd estimate $5bn on the ship. That brings me to a total of $341.35 billion left over. I would then use the remaining money as I see fit at the time, and I would spend my days traveling the world and enjoying my life, as well as dropping loads of money on people to help them do the things they want to do.
ibreathefreedom ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:35:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Set it all on fire and decrease inflation for everyone.
Chrizzlechip ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:47:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Very joker of you
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:57:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, I would be way to nervous to spend it until I learned where it came from. If you are accidentally given money in your account, you aren't allowed to just spend it ...
zth ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:08:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would donate majority of that shit. Imagine being the first trillionaire in this economic climate?
jazzchamp ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:09:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dedicate the entirety of it to creating a legitimate competitor to Comcast with the ultimate goal of complete and utter decimation of this business.
After putting a few million away of course... but the rest - yeah!
Jupiterswrath ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:11:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think you could flat out buy a controlling interest in Comcast honestly, if not outright buy it. A trillion is fucking enormous.
maineelaine ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:10:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay my student loans, and my siblings' student loans, and my parents' debts, and my rent and then with the three dollars I have left over, I would get a cookie.
BobbyDA ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:11:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time, man.
fireblade408 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:11:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yolo amd
boogie_wonderland ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:13:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd create a trust to fund an independent media organization dedicated to investigative journalism that isn't beholden to advertisers or the government, and that doesn't have to worry about clicks or ratings.
pumpkinpiemonster ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:28:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would give all but $1 billion (which is a fraction of $1 trillion) of it away to charity and spend the rest on stupid shit.
thelosermonster ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:29:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Double or nothin
SouvlakiPlaystation ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:30:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give all but about about fifty million to charity...After that I'd retire, and live the life. Pretty simple.
Gravey9 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:30:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Payoff all debt. Sell house and move to a mansion somewhere warm. Buy a few cars. Take a million and have an investor take care of it for me. Any money made would go to charity groups I feel deserve it. Start up a youth hockey program, and baseball program somewhere and make it the best place to play. Travel.
DirtyMexican87 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:31:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Find out who the fuck messed up.
thoroughavvay ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:31:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the US government, since that's thoroughly for sale now. Then a media conglomerate for my propaganda.
Djrandom98 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:35:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably be broke by sundown.
Lord_Lebanon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:37:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hookers and blow
Firm_as_red_clay ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:41:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a Lamborghini and throw handfuls of pennies at it.
rtothewin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:42:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hear there are some politicians for sale, I'd probably start there, get us some universal health care and mandated phase outs of fossil fuels.
From there I'd eat well and go fishing a ton.
CrossbowROoF ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:44:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call my attorney/accountant, set up a trust fund without my name on it, and go the fuck into hiding.
wagz91officer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:49:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would overload Reddit with pictures of elaborate purchases I don't need and exclusive vacations that are over the top. Just to rub it in.
jackhat69 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:49:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One trillion soft tacos from taco bell. No question.
69th ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:53:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why not build a Taco Bell instead? Then you have a sustainable supply
cheeky-one ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:51:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my student loans. Not sure if there will be any left after that, LOL.
Oh, but seriously, I would donate most of it. I would like to help foster kids. I might start setting up little house villages for homeless people.
69th ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:52:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off all student loans
FTFY
stupid_sexyflanders ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:51:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a decent sized country like Belize.
Quatroking ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:52:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a nice apartment, nothing too fancy, a new computer and a business class ticket to some country I haven't been to yet.
oh and I'd eat steak for dinner.
BigPoppaPaj ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:53:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time.
Beemer32 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:53:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off all my friends' and family's debt and make sure everyone I know is well off, likely all multi-millionaires....also I would donate a fuck load of money to CMHA and local hospice centres...then I'd buy a massive house with a massive garage and full it with fast cars to race on a private track with my friends...and probably a dog...dogs are dope
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:53:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy AT&T & Comcast and burn every last inch of it to the ground.
lucky_harms458 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:53:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
dump it into the stock market :/
SirWangtheWizard ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:58:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off half my tuition.
PatchesOHulahoop ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:58:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All these people talking about investing and accountants like you need to worry about wasting a trillion in a lifetime.
DangersVengeance ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:59:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably wonder why I was in Zimbabwe
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:02:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay mine and my parents debts in full, pay my brothers student loans, buy a small cozy house, seek out an investor to help me properly invest some, put 2 million in the bank to hold on to, donate the remainder to the ACLU.
Steveth ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:06:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hit the snooze button again and again.
Spyrothedragon9972 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:06:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Keep it a secret.
allachri ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:09:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off half my student loans
Odinh153 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:51:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With a trillion dollars you could pay all of everyone's student loans. The total student debt in the US is around a trillion dollars total
TangoZulu ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:09:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed and hope I wake up with 2 trillion dollars the next day.
rudeboyrasta420 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:10:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 chick's at the same time man
terpcloudsurfer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:12:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build the largest arena ever imagined and have the most epic Rammstein concert
HookMeSilly ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:14:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to all my classes like every Friday. Then go home like every Friday. But since tomorrow is my boyfriend's birthday and we're going out to dinner with his dad and a friend. I would buy everyone's dinner and maybe suggest on going to a movie.
ThomYorkesGoodEye ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:18:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd pay for clean water for everyone.
And I'd buy some shit.
Covmeister ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:19:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Order Dominos.
With DOUBLE DECADENCE BASE.
TwinPeakMayor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:20:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
buy a motorcycle and disobey all speed limits
keenly_disinterested ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:22:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Keep a billion and pay $999,000,000 toward the national debt. What would I do with the $1 billion I keep? Nunya.
MyNameIsZaxer2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:24:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy an ad spot on the superbowl to air some first world grievances
slykane ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:31:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep. I could afford to.
obihave ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:32:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Send out a bunch of emails claiming I am a Nigerian prince with a fortune to give away and actually following through. Give 100k or so to the first 20 people actually paid the fee and give out their account numbers. Just to watch the world burn :)
valistic ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:33:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not show up for work? No. I'd still show up and give them adequate notice, because I like my job.
Krazyzane ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:35:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off all the debt my ex wife racked up in my name and then buy a house for me and my fiance that is wheelchair accessible for her handicap son and for all of our kids!
uncleseano ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:36:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two women at the same time
ineedadiagnosis ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:37:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Save a fraction of it for law school.
MrsMarshmellow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:37:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably spend some time trying to figure out where the money came from/ how to give it back as I would be sure I would end up owing that money if I spent it and the mistake was found out later.
espeeayzee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
May as while keep it and gain a little interest until someone attempts to get it back. Or does it not work that way? Hell I don't know, I ain't no good with brain stuff.
MrsMarshmellow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:42:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would imagine that the bank would take the money, as well as any interest it gained, back once the error was found. The only way I would be touching that money would be if I had a document from the bank confirming that it was my money and I would not have to return it in case an error was found.
brittersbear ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:38:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay my fucking bills! Seriously though
4-words-or-less ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:44:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Laugh at my parents
poprivet666 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:46:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fly to Cuba. Meet with the el presidente. Get swindled by said presidente. Try and sneak back into the states.
TheOGdeez ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:46:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would post in r/personalfinance asking "What should I do if I woke up and there was a trillion dollars posted to my account?"
ryanbbb ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:47:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Team up with Elon Musk and fast track a Mars colony.
tomdooley69 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:48:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hell, you don't need a trillion dollars to do nothin man, take a look at my cousin, he's broke, don't do shit.
uhHerpDerp ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:48:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd fund all the projects that make sense but special interest groups fight:
TravBarnyard ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:49:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks.
maty844 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:49:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed.
Yomike2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:51:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And wake up to another 1 trillion dollars.
maty844 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:58:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't become a multi-trillionare by working all day!
DigitalEvil ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:53:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Id buy myself a house or two, so I have something comfortable to live in. Not even a mansion, just a nice house. One in the city. One in the mountains. Then I'd give a million dollars to every person in the US with a net worth under $1m. Then sit back in my house and watch everyone burn the country to the ground since probably 99% of the population wouldn't know what to do with themselves if they got $1m.
SeedofanApple ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:57:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my debt, my wife's debt, my 8 month old baby's debt, my parents debt, all of my friends debt, buy a school, pre school, kindergarten, middle school, high school, college, staff them with genius teachers, make the school public and the college free, get into stocks and business school, become even more successful, put my daughter through batman like training and instill a strong sense of justice into her. Buy her all the things that will make her into batwoman. Fake my death and my wife's death when she's like 11, spectate over her life till she's 21. Watch her become a vigilante, show up back in her life but as her arch nemesis, attempt to kill her, fail and have her kill me, and then she'll inherit the rest of the money.
dsline ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:57:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to work and maintain business as usual while hoping no one else finds out.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:08:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
4 comma club. If you spend a single dollar you're financially ruined though because then you're in the lousy 3 comma club.
xaapje ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:08:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
get dressed and get me some coffee
citizenpuppet ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:08:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make some coffee, take a shit, smoke a bowl.
Exxeleration ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:08:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drop out of school and buy a burger because I am hungry af
7echArtist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:09:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job.
By the 10179 Lego UCS Millenium Falcon in mint condition.
Pay off all my bills.
Longer drawn out list of stuff I could only do when I'm Scrooge McDuck levels of richness.
KronicDeath ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:09:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Grab them by the pussy
Funkymusic ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:09:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a nice RV and a Subaru wagon, probably an sti. Then take them both across America making stops at all my friends and family they've been there for me through the years. I would show up at their door and let them know they never have to work again for the rest of their lives. After that we would find a nice place to settle with some land in a state where marijuana is legal. Likely Colorado.
470vinyl ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:11:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Restore LOTS of steam locomotives, and make all the rail in Maine back to pristine condition
rimpy13 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:11:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Almost pay off my student loans.
FuZedFFA ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:13:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buncha' hooked and cocaine.
Giliathriel ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:13:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get out of debt, then get my family out of debt. After that, I'd totally build my own private theme park
Metrofball52 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:13:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd call into work and tell them to go fuck themselves
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:19:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time.
doublea08 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:19:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Besides two chicks at the same time?
Rjmcc87 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:22:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not worry about the cost of extra guac
Mitt_Romney_USA ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:24:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A trillion is one thousand billion, or ten thousand million.
That would be crazy. If you just spread it out over savings accounts that earn an average .01%, compounded monthly, you'd make over one hundred million per year.
That means, you can spend like 50 million per year, pay all the taxes, and still make more year after year.
That's without any actual investment instruments beyond some savings accounts.
If you actually put together a diversified portfolio, you could easily 10x that.
So, what would I do? I would maintain Trillionaire status while spending a shit ton of money every day.
On what?
Amusement.
I'd hold a live streaming contest from some island in international waters, where you can win a million dollars by carrying out my wishes the fastest, best, or most outrageously.
All the contestants would have to document themselves, and send me a link to the video proof.
Sometimes the finalists would be invited to the island.
Sometimes a contestant or two may decide to stay indefinitely to meditate underground in my spiritual academy, but that would be their choice.
I'd have crazy security, mercenaries, missiles, and a Bond villain style underground lair...
Every week I'd announce my deepest desire, and award the previous week's winner.
Sometimes it would be wholesome, like "leak all the secret information that you're trusted with at work".
Or "Kidnap a billionaire and bring it to me, bonus points for family members, disqualification if you physically harm anyone in the process unless it's pretty obvious they were asking for it."
Or "Invent a new crime and commit it publicly"
Or "Cook and eat your most beloved family pet"...
Stuff like that. Clickbait mostly, which I will leverage to earn even more money from Adsense.
So for the most part it'll be like a more freeform, crowdsourced version of "The Voice"...
But when I'm in a mood, as I tend to get into around the holidays, I am sure there will be some pretty dark challenges too.
lucidshred ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:28:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Run for president
Stink_pizza ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:29:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Immediately quit my job. Pay my bills. Pay my parents and siblings bills. Pay my wife's parents and siblings bills. Eat breakfast.
gyrojefe ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:29:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think people realize quite how much money that is. If you're making a measly 8%/year return on 1 trillion, you're making $219,178,082.19 A DAY! It would be incredibly difficult to keep up trying to spend that much money.
RancorHi5 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:29:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call my momma and tell her not to go into work.
samvegg ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:30:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed
unknownentity101 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:30:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would spend it on educating the masses on the 'conditional' tense.
Jorumvar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:31:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like I would lose all aptitude for reason at that point...
I'd probably try to open 1 trillion bank accounts with 1 dollar each in them, or literally make a cannon and start launching $500 wads off a roof into crowded suburbs
You wanna call that shit in? You get hit by flying money? Fine, I'll stop. You may get some money in a settlement, but you'll get murdered by everyone else who wanted the money to keep falling.
COME AT ME MOTHERFUCKER
Redixer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:33:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep. At that point I could just sleep and not have to worry. I got a trillion dollars no one knows about. I'm gonna take my sweet ass time with my life at that point
Sleepered ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:35:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time.
The_Frenchiest_Fry_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:35:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Steam games not on sale
HxWxL ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:35:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
buy haiti
grumpy_human ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:36:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 chicks at the same time
jesusvotes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:36:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off student loans and get a Big Mac meal with the remaining change /s
Blacksmith_Kid ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:36:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Suffer from an economic collapse due to inflation.
tazi56 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:36:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy an island
rinalformen ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:36:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Text my boss to fuck off and go back to sleep.
beninato ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:38:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would pay someone to teach you how to spell tomorrow
Hardcore90skid ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:39:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would build a tremendous stadium sized complex designed to house troubled teens, homeless people, and women in danger. Large enough to house at least 90% of the homeless population in a city of about 2 million. They stay for free for up to 6 months and get three hot meals a day, however they must work within the stadium doing anything relevant to stick around, with more productive folk being eligible to stay longer. They also earn minimum wage doing so, making them employees with rights and benefits. If you are fired, or quit, you have the legal minimum to leave (30 days, assuming you collected mail) but would be given at small care package just to keep you on your feet for another few weeks. There would be an advanced identification process + honour system to dissuade abuse. We would work closely with community services so that they can receive skill training, interview skills/clothes, find homes or even find family. Then I'd do that in every city in the developed world with a population of at least 1 million. In order to help these centres become self-sustaining when the money inevitably runs dry, a combination of 30% taxpayer dollars and 30% charity, with the last 40% coming from loan repayments in the form of successful candidates leaving being made to repay the wages given to them at a rate of 10% yearly wages per year. This means if you are there for 6 months and make $10,000, they owe $1,000 per 12 months.
After that's done, I would invest every last bit of my money in making sure there is a renewable source of fresh and clean water in any part of the world that doesn't have it, starting from the poorest counties all the way up to the G20.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:39:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd do what activist investors do: buy stakes in companies and force them to change. Except the Carl Icahns of the world want corporations to cut staff, slash pay and benefits, and outsource labor as much as possible. I'd force the companies I bought into to provide better wages, maternity leave, and retirement plans for its employees.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:43:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would immediately build my fantasy.
Fly planes around the world looking for the best island (or islands) to buy.
Start coming up with ideas of what I could put on the island.... Start meeting all the best designers / engineers / architects in the world.
Relax for 5 years in my very private designed sanctuary (kinda like willy wonka) Start inviting world leaders, scientists, philosophers, rich people over to my island after contemplating my thoughts for so long. Have meetings with all of them, have a personal assistant to give me news / keep me company.
Have the most influential people over on a regular basis.
You can fill in the rest... VR room, theatre, games room, go kart track, missile defense systems, hot chicks, submarine, super cars, helicopter, jet.
Probably have gordon ramsay over to teach me everything he knows and give him like 200 mill.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:45:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd give $1 million each to each of my exes, buy a slick loft downtown, and pimp it the eff out (about $3mil). Bank another $3 mil. Spread around another $10 mil to my peeps.
With the remaining $999,982,000,000, Create a rail company called USRail and spend every nickel trying to make America like Japan, rail-wise. Super dense in the Northeast and West Coast, but also lots of crisscrossing 300mph+ routes in the middle. Probably set aside some money for super high-end mega power company.
krisntl ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:47:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably freak out, have a heart attack, and then die.
zenpooka ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:52:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Plan a full family trip to Disney World for at least a week, probably 2. Invest a lot in a wide variety accounts. Pay off several debts, mine and my families. Set up college funds for the kids in my family. Donate to many charities. And quit my job to travel (probably often with friends and family), and learn, and write.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:53:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0J6BQDKiYyM
This video is for a billion. Now imagine 1000x that!
mellidee ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:59:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Heard on the radio today that it would only cost about $175 billion to bring everyone in the US above the poverty line, so I'd prob start there.
otiswrath ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:59:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire a lawyer.
Make sure that the entire world had access to clean drinking water and basic education.
Purchase a very pimped out airship.
Travel world in said airship.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:00:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 chicks at the same time
Mr_FJ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:02:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Use it to pay as many researches as possible to find the cure for aging. I don't want to die of old age.
Rab_Legend ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:02:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The same thing I do every day, try to take over the world
patriot_1911 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:04:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll donate 20 billion to BUILD THAT WALL! Btw I'm Hispanic from Texas
Kali_King ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:05:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a large plot of land, not too close to any big cities, and build a completely 'green' city! No cars within, there will be much better ways to move around. Donate a bunch to get space exploration going on a new level! And get rick and morty season 3 already!
Armed_Psycho ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:05:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed, I don't have to work anymore!
birdywifamohawk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:05:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate to Alzheimer's and others forms of dementia research. That shit is scary
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:06:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Keep it a secret.
Tollowarn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:06:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btAbU1sPqIM
Cocaine and Hookers.
Skaleks ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:09:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
mictriggerred ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:10:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Run for President
iuseleinterwebz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:10:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build the greatest gaming PC in existence, buy a house, and live off the remainder (net of tax) for the rest of my life.
tcoop6231 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:16:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's it?
$1 trillion would generate thousands of dollars per second in interest. Surely you'd want to do something more interesting than play video games all day.
Ozimandius1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:10:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd wake up again and say 'dammit, it was only a dream.'
HonkyMcWhiterson ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:10:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd go back to bed. No point in going to work that day
thesunisjustfine ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:10:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my friends and familys student loans, pay bail for people wrongfully in jail, host lunch and dinners for poor people in my city, and build houses for the homeless.
paperhousing ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:10:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm pretty sure the injection of 1 trillion dollars would cause the economy to collapse and hyper inflation, like post ww1 germany. so I would probably only use a small fraction of that amount and slowly invest the amount in equities of companies like google and apple. the goal would be to invest the money without destroying its value
slothfacezillah ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:12:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hypotheticals are a waste of time. So is my comment... so we all lose. THANKS OBAMA!
andrew_rdt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:12:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
3 chicks at the same time?
Kanee61978 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:13:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time!
Strong-like-twig ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:23:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time!
bolecut ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:28:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off half my student dept
runningtheclock ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:36:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd go the hell back to bed haha, wake up later in the afternoon and pay off the house/bills.
Kodlaken ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:42:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would set aside 1 billion dollars so I never have to work in my entire life and then I would do 3 other things with the rest.
1 I would give NASA however much money is required to create a satellite that plays "Running in the 90's" on an infinite loop as it soars through space.
2 I would buy the biggest residence on earth and if that is unavaliable I would fund the construction of a bigger one, I would then build a private zoo reserved specifically for Gorilla's whom I would attempt to teach sign language and then hopefully have the Gorilla's teach their babies sign language, once I had 2-3 decently sized families that know sign language I would attempt to introduce them into the wild until successful. I would keep 1 family safe in case of failure. The end goal being the entire population of Gorilla's being able to speak sign language, this would hopefully allow them to evolve much faster since they now have a, admittedly basic, form of language.
3 Put on a santa claus costume and travel around the earth collecting a long ass list of the names, addresses and the presents every single child in the world wishes for until I am too old to travel, on my death bed my last words would be the order to have them delivered.
And they all lived happily ever after.
Until the highly evolved Gorillas wipe out all human life and take our place, the end.
drilkmops ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:46:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably cry. Go get my teeth fixed, let my girlfriend know she can finally go back to school for ornithology like she's always dreamed of. Go get my doggos cleaned up and checked for any sort of issues they might have. Help my 14 year old dog with anything he needs. Buy a random person lunch. Go on a hike with my other dog. Get a medical checkup to make sure my girlfriend and I are alright. Offer Donald Trump 10 billion to leave the White House with some hidden things like if he accepts this bribe he will get it in installments of $1 a day and some other bullshit. Pay off his lawyers to accept it.
Fed_up_with_Reddit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:50:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck, with a conservative 2% annual interest, I'm making $20 BILLION a year in interest. I'm not sure it's even possible to spend that much without literally burning money to warm my house.
So chances are, I'm probably waking up to the president of my bank calling me to thank me for my business. Because of this, I'm confused as fuck. At this point, I roll over and grab my phone. Upon opening my banking app and seeing the balance, I most likely have a heart attack, making my son the richest 7 year old in the world.
Crishma ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:56:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your mom
ArenO ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:07:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd start my own Business, and build props. I would invest in my future for my wife and kids, set some aside to help get my nephew through college as well. I'd breathe, knowing life isn't crushing my hopes with a job that doesn't respect my efforts. I'd make time for friends. Travel, albeit within reason. Mostly I'd save. Party off the mortgage, build nest egg, travel some, smile lots, and try to help others do the same.
dragonfangxl ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:08:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tell my boss to shove it up his ass
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:30:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my student loans and buy a used car with the remaining 10k
incognita1978 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:40:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The truth, it hurts.
Pojorobo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:37:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 chicks at the same time.
arturhamernik ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:47:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy goverment to pass laws to fight climate change
arturhamernik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:52:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also invest in new technologies
Smallekins ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:48:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off all my debt immediately - move the funds into a swiss bank account. Buy an island somewhere and make it completely self sustaining energy-wise. Move there and deal with the rest of civilization as little as possible.
DougalisGod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:48:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What, again?
Ephemeris ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:50:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start a series of free universities.
1ate7 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:50:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
quit my job and continue playing breath of the wild.
denikar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:51:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Comcast and utterly destroy the company. Shred every piece of IP, document, etc. I can find. Then finance the installation of free fiber cables throughout the US.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:52:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a private island and become a hermit. Maybe populate it with a village of whores.
IronBoomer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:55:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So...you're making the literal Whore Island mentioned in Anchorman?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:55:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Never seen it. But yes.
Masterre ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:53:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire a squad of lawyers first. Then hope I don't die.
Veshengo88 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:55:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would make sure all the real criminal are behind bars. Make pot legal. That would be a big money booster in the USA and all my years of doing emt, never ever have I seen anything bad come out of smoking that. Drinking, which I do do, cuz I'm over 21, I've seen people die. Including friends and people so close, they are family. Get set up a sustainable universal healthcare system. Why currently do have insurance through Medicaid, would be much easier and effective to implement healthcare system for everyone. I know would cost a shit load of money but I feel that everyone has the right to have health care. One of my diaper age friends died of pneumonia and left his pregnant wife and young child behind, because he thought he had a cold, and could not afford healthcare. And pay off my debts and student loans, the rest will go to organizations that help the environment and animals and people. All the poor that can't take care of themselves. Whatever money I had left, I would just put it in a credit union Account in my local bank. This helps the economy within your area. Yeah I'm an idealist, but I'm also realist, but with that type of money you can be an idealist.
Bottom_of_the_bottle ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:00:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep.
Tinoisthebomb ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:00:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Trueeeee
CampfireWhiskey ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:08:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a few goat farms in northern California, invest a big chunk of it to live on for the rest of my life and breath.
tinybear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:28:22 on March 11, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A few? What would you do with more than one?
RimSpit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:10:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get surgery to cover my entire body in bear fur, build a load of robots and shit on them
AlecInAction ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:19:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy up all the mods on this subreddit, just so I can get someone to change your spelling of "tomorrow" to be correct
Golden_Jiggy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:22:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
500 Billion. Start a foundation for the betterment of human kind. Hire Elon musk to run it.
Wozzle90 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:22:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Arm the proles.
RedditAxel ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:22:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Save it until I fully figure out how to make the world a better place to live in, in the most efficient way using said money, while keeping it secret. I personally don't need that much, in fact I'd much rather be poor than to live a life of extreme luxury where nothing's ever enough. Too many people are already doing that to ruin things for the rest of us.
We've got a limited time on this earth, and I don't have the time or energy to be filthy rich. It would make me the happiest and most eased at mind to know the world could become a better place using this money, even past my short existence, so that my future children can live a more peaceful, healthy and hopefully longer life than me.
Maybe that's stupid or naive, but that's what I would do.
manchEsther ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:22:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First I'd call my mom to tell her. Then I'd cancel my meetings for the day. I'd pay off the 48 billion pound deficit of the UK and start on a rebuilding the relationship with rhe EU and asking if they'll have us back. Then I would start building a million new homes for the homeless, give the nurses, garbage men, teachers, bus drivers and brick layers a higher pay and fix the pot holes. And then I'd buy myself a new bike. With one of those fancy baskets on the front.
deepfried67 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:24:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My first thought was how can I help out the poor dying people in this world. It would be a big undertaking as I could not just give them money. I would have to figure out how to make everyone self sustaining. Where would I begin.
thefinalfall ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:26:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep
lives2eat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:36:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First invest almost all of it so no ones trying to kill me for my money or will. Then travel the country in a 5th wheel, putting money where people need it. Not aid the government but do what the goverment should be doing in many cases. The 5th wheel would be my only splurge for myself(that and hook-up fees and food). Also give majority of it to my parents so i can actually get in a relationship without somone just trying to use me for money or take half of what i own. Buying a bunch of things would just over complicate my life. One last thing bride the goverment to pass a law making it ilegal for compaines to buy more than 2 apartment complexes/ 10 houses(making it impossible for loop holes). Company owned apartments are terrible and way over priced and really all they do is up the price because they know you need somwhere to live and you cant afford a house. Big business is what ruins captialism.
spacezoro ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:36:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Savings, advisors, get some Bitcoin for shit and giggles, hire an investor. Insurance on everything, buy property in a nice area, nothing too large. Moderate house full of nice stuff, pay off college debt. Contemplate whether or not I'd want to continue college. Quit my job. Explore the world. Fund my girlfriend's education. Get her a new car because that things almost dying. Get her family in a better home, pay for my mom to be in rehab, get all the Lol skins and champs I'd ever want. Steam games. New PC I built myself. Wait till I'm 21, explore a fuck ton of different types of alcohol. Find way more hobbies. New decently priced clothes. Get an amazing mattress because I wanna be cozy. Take cooking classes, teach myself things. Buy a metric fuck ton of research chems to research for science. And maybe at the end of the day, walk around the park and just enjoy the moment a little.
kingmorons ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:37:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd live a normal life for a while. I'd got work and then deposit small amounts of money into my partners account. Say starting at say a dollar then doubling each day. I'd also buy/ build a new house. I'd get a nice car and park it up the road. Once the house was done I'd go for a holiday with the family whilst my moving team moves everything into the new house. We would then come back to our new house with the same furniture etc and deny everything ...
MoogleVivi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:37:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably drop off the face of the earth and start my own dog colony in the middle of nowhere.
ports13_epson ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:37:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
first things first: buy a switch
Funny_People ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:37:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have the best birthday EVER!
ibubbskii ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:39:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would have 3 trillion dollars worth of Bitcoin.
CapnWreckz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:39:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy like 25 acres of forest, completely fence it in, dig a river/creek through the forest, fill it with salmon and other fish, and I would put a male and female bear, a lot of deer, a male and female mountain lion, a bunch of rabbits, and I'd put cameras hidden everywhere and I'd put GPS in the animals so I could monitor what they do. I'd have my own private little wild forest, that would be awesome.
stinky_piss_flaps ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:39:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy 10 hellcats, crash 9 of them, then buy a house. Probably my own McDonald's that only I can go to, pay for the rest of school, give my family half, buy a lion, give every homeless person I see 10,000$, buy every kid with cancer an Xbox and TV...I'd do a lot
danfinger51 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:39:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gruk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:40:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stumble out of bed and make a cup of tea I would imagine. Then start shopping for a new house or two.
5upra ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:41:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
toyota supra
psionicsickness ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:41:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably just give everyone $100, and go back about my life, it's pretty good.
ThePsychoKnot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:41:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my jobs, buy a nice house, invest a bunch of it and live comfortably off the interest
Patiiii ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:42:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Late but I'd just keep like 10 billion for myself. The rest to give to Elon musk, charity, ending world hunger and all that shit. I mean 1 trillion is way too much for myself.
BassAndLatkes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:42:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time.
MeatMountain41 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:43:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same thing I do everyday: Milk myself with a belt around my neck.
-Reddit_Account- ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:43:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1 trillion is 1000 billion. There are about 1 billion people living on less than $1.25 daily. I give each of them $1000.
Have fun not dying for the next 3 years, love you all!
SquiddneyD ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:45:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rejoice, tithe on it, treat my long term girlfriend and her family to a wonderful evening out to whatever resturaunt they want, buy a brand new bright red 2016 Ford Escape, invest in good stocks with great dividends, buy an engagement ring and plan an elaborate proposal involving Disneyland, singing, and a secret photographer, marry her after her education is finished, pay off her student debts, donate to several charities and churches, marry her with as elegant a wedding as she wants, take her on a honeymoon starting touring London, then taking her to all the Disney Parks in the world (She loves Disney), then buy a large fancy house with a home theater and snack bar wherever we want to live, then use my newfound wealth to help others and write comics and books as a career. I'll make sure to use money to make more money and ensure my future generations' financial security. Our family vacations will always be awesome.
sonters ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:46:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed and drop out of school. Buy a few arcade cabinets.
Raichu7 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:46:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job and pay for my brothers school trip.
Swiftsolar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:46:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
leave and never come back.
Chillypepper70 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:47:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chill.
xxBeatrixKiddoxx ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:47:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tell my new gm he's a douche waffle and buy the company. Run the restaurants within that company the right way. Also dirtbikes Also take my step kids mom to court and use an ton of money to get them away from her emotionally abusive ass. Also Tesla. I'd have one in each color.
procrastablasta ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:47:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cure cancer
Heyyoguy123 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:47:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a mercenary army and attack ISIS head on
accounts_are_lame ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:48:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing. Not a damn thing. I would pay off all debt and then sit.
Mystery_Me ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:48:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1: be super happy 2: get to do a phd in something cool like deep sea hydrothermal vents
unbannabledan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:49:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd have scientists turn me into a Rhino-Man.
thatguyonthecouch ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:50:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not tell anyone...
The_Antlion ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:51:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would do a Scrooge McDuck, but the pool would be full of hookers instead of coins.
Alive hookers, even!
ladyelise ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:51:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep.
Your_Cover_Fire ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:51:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would pay off all my debt and that of my immediate family. Buy myself a nice house, my parents their dream house as well as a house for my older sister.
I'd pay off my college tuition and pay for college for my all my sisters and put some aside for all their kids.
I'd then pretty much live comfortably for the rest of my life. My main goal would be paying back my parents for everything that they did for me.
KBRADisRAD ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:52:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time.
Dankwhalez ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:55:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Relax.
MagicSPA ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:26:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Contact Robert Zubrin to discuss funding a manned Mars mission. According to his "Mars Direct" theory, you could do it for for significantly less than $40 billion.
I'd also go back to my old alma mater for a year or two...and maybe buy the campus while I'm at it; I am very fond of the old place.
weezgang ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:44:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed
ifiwereabravo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:16:51 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build a renewable energy infrastructure across the USA and undercut oil no matter how low the price goes. Then 99.9% of all proceeds not needed to sustain the energy company would go to Bernie Sanders' next presidential campaign and I would live off of the remainder until said time where he's elected.
Then I would rest for a time and build capital again and I would create a company that produces documentaries on every solvable problem man faces. It would be systematic, A through Z.
Then I would create an international news network that has no single country or continental focus.
Then I would create a foundation dedicated to the eradication of disease. It would fund clinical research studies for promising drugs and treatments for the worlds top killers: heart and infectious diseases. It would buy these companies doing the research and thus could control the cost of said treatments forever after and own the subsequent products creating another income source, while eliminating other organizations ability to limit access to medicine based on exorbitant sums.
I would also work to create an EU type organization in Africa.
I would also create the worlds largest online school. It would have courses from k-PhD for every field of study available to every person online at an extremely affordable price. There would also be numerous local chapters and physical buildings for work that could not effectively be done alone or online. I would partner with organizations working to create a worldwide internet to give access to this education to people in underdeveloped nations.
This education system would be part of a new type of employment system that costs nothing to place people in work but in fact takes a small percentage out of everybody's check for employment at every level. Any education is available to anyone for any skill and all data on said education is part of the employment system. No one has to gather and build a resume ever. It's auto built and everyone with the skills in a geography gets auto-notified of jobs that they are an EXACT match for. People are no longer involved in these interviews at all making discrimination impossible. Interviews are all skill based and a machine selects the new hires based on good data.
I would then find the worlds largest cash for guns program and would work to dramatically reduce the number of small arms circulating in a he most violent regions of the globe.
I would then work to create carbon capture facilities that are solar powered and that capture CO2 and particulates out of the air. These would be focused in urban centers around the globe.
I would evaluate and if viable work to create cross continental bullet trains that spanned Africa north south and east west, in a grid.
I would use the funds from the transportation company to create a space exploration company whose main goal would be to send an exploration craft to the nearest habitable system at a speed that could reach it within a generation.
I would also open an exploratory science division whose goals would be to advance fringe technologies that could fill the material needs of mankind in better and more efficient ways: from farming to genetic engineering this organization would advance ideas into a prototype state to be catalogued for potential future use for needs as of yet undefined.
I would also have a clothing line that is focused on creating long lasting materials whose looks can be digitally altered but which can be used for a decade or longer without needing replacement. I.e. Silver laced cloth with changeable surface patterns for vanities sake.
I would also create a construction company focused on using nontoxic and sustainable materials to build housing and homes across the developing world and the wealthy first world countries as well.
My materials science company would work to create trees that can be genetically programmed to grow in specific shapes. All beams and planks would now be living breathing yet staticky shaped objects that got strong we with time and which were resistant to the elements. Houses would be mad or living wood.
I have lots more.
Rakoony ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:18:58 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Use it to make the world a better place.
cantsolverubikscubes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:25:45 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll give away lots of money to the people who up-vote me
Styrixjaponica ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:51:48 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd call bill gates and join his mission.
Squelcherist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:32:15 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep.
Marc4120 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:34:07 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1,000,000,000,000?
Paying off the debts of my family and friends, as well as an education for everyone's kids. Let's say that takes $1 million.
Another million for "standard of living" gifts for my immediate family. Repairs to the house, nice new cars, extra retirement funds for mom and pop, ect.
Now I have $999,998,000,000
To keep the arithmetic easy I would set up a national foundation to shelter the homeless with an initial endowment of 48,000,000. That should be plenty to build the facilities, hire staff, and put the rest in healthy investments to grow for later. These facilities would provide meals, basic medical care, etc. I would try and have them in any decent sized city with a homelessness issue.
The next 100,000,000 would be for me to ensure I have the infrastructure needed to oversee my empire. 65,000,000 for a Gulfstream 650 private jet. 30,000,000 for "modest" real estate to conduct business at in various places around the globe. The remaining 5 million for a fleet of very bullet proof luxury automobiles to ride around in.
Then I would setup a foundation with a value of $800,000,000 to help research cures for cancer.
And $50,000,000 for other diseases that my smart medical advisors deem winnable fights.
That takes care of the first billion dollars. Only $999,000,000,000 left.
$9,000,000,000 to the Bill and Melinda Gates foundation. They've been at this game way longer than I have. They'll put it to good use in sure.
$90,000,000,000 to the US federal government with the stipulation that it be used to set up and fund world class single payer health care. Free healthcare for all.
Then another 100,000,000,000 to be sure that the fund has enough money to sustain itself until proper funding can be obtained.
Then I would spend 100,000,000 on lobbying to ensure the people in office were fully enthusiastic about following my vision for healthcare.
Now I have seven hundred billion dollars. Or $700,000,000,000.
I would purchase Exxon Mobil and PetroChina. This would cost me about 500,000,000,000. After that I would repurpose these companies with two goals. Winding down their fossil fuel production and researching and implementing solar and wind power on a massive scale. Having the two largest petro companies abandon petro will have all the others following suit as renewables become cheaper thanks to the massive research funding they now have.
I would send Elon Musk $50,000,000,000. Half to continue to advance battery research so we can store solar and wind power for the world. The other half to expedite the production of his electric vehicle line.
Now I set aside 50,000,000,000 for opportunities at a later point that I'm not aware of yet. I invest this however other billionaires do in order to maintain its value over time.
And with the remaining $200,000,000,000 or two hundred billion dollars, I would create a foundation dedicated to solving the world hunger crisis. How to grow food locally in places it is needed, with local people employed when possible in order to grow the economies there, as well as feed the populace. And while we are figuring out the long term plan on sustainable food production, purchasing food in bulk and distributing it to people who desperately need it to live. The foundations private military would oversee the distribution in places where that was required to ensure people weren't bullied out of their share of the aid.
So now I've taken care of those close to me, gotten the people of the United States free health care, cured diseases, started the transition to 100% green energy, helped usher in electric alternatives to any internal combustion powered machines, and begun the process to actually solve world hunger.
And I'm still worth $50,000,000,000. So like top 5 wealthiest people.
At that point I would still feel uncomfortable with my wealth so I would either lobby for free education for all, or for universal basic income, depending on which looked like a more promising solution to the issues we faced after however many decades it takes to do the other stuff.
Also I would finally make Sean Hannity be waterboarded for charity like he said he would. A few million to help rehabilitate veterans with both physical and mental health issues should do the trick.
DMtheTerrible ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:07:13 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my truck, pay off my families debts, buy a house for my sister with a yard for her dog, fund my brothers next business, build my other brother a garage, send my nieces and nephews to college, and start IRA's for everyone. Then I would build a fiber network in my state (or the greater city area depending on cost) and travel around on an old flatbed truck, dressed like an old-timey mayor, telling everyone about it. Then I would get a custom motorcycle for my dad, he loves bikes and deserves a great one just for him. After that I would open a garage/bar where I fix people's cars for the cost of the parts and you can watch through a big window at the bar. Also the bar would have adequate parking, because I'm sick of that shit!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:41:14 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cocaine and prostitutes
dixadik ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:43:41 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everything
-Jagoff- ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:34:02 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 chicks at the same time!!
ladymazzola ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:39:09 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not go to work.
MJTony ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:47:34 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build a wall!
ReeferGod69 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:05:04 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build that wall!
idkmyusernamesucks ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:21:27 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Beyoncรฉ.
bamreedd ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:39:44 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Coke and Hookers. All of them.
Onkel_Adolf ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:50:50 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Restart my dormant cocaine, tobacco, hooker, and alcohol addictions.
PipboysNhoes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:55:21 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My man
TheRegistater ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:53:43 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call the IRS and refile my taxes.
Stevie9090 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:36:13 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off the debts my family owes, buy my mom a car that isn't always breaking down and give her enough money to finally enjoy life instead of living like it's always against us.
I'd invest in some stocks, put 40% into savings and use the rest to explore the world, making videos of the journey so others can experience it with me and finally I'd buy a beer for the guy or gal that gave me the sum of money.
stormycloudysky ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:04:35 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably give most of it to Bill Gates. He has some good experience in that arena and I'd trust he'd know what to do with all that money. Also: My own island.
pandlewords ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:05:09 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
provided it was a legal sudden trillion, i would
-pay off my student loans -pay off my parents' mortgages and car loans -pay off any credit card debt we had -set aside a million each for my siblings college's funds -pay off my girlfriend's graduate tuition -donate to my alma mater and several local arts organizations -rent out my favorite music venue for a personal festival w/ my fav artists -get a ph.d. in philology -take my girlfriend and travel the world -support as many kickstarters and patreons as possible
but mostly i would try to keep it quiet, live my life as regularly as i could.
MrNudeGuy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:33:58 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tell no one, move to the middle of nowhere and have use my money to have internet and basic utilities and live my life reading and redditing all day long.
almondcookie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:38:12 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two girls at the same time.
BobVosh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:43:26 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would hire bodyguards, attorneys and accountants. Then I would do my damndest to outbribe for net neutrality, subsidization of solar roofs, and whatever other political things that currently bother me are.
Frankly I would probably ask Elon Musk how I could best use this money to help the world.
Just_OneReason ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:42:03 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make it rain on every charity/organization I've ever cried over. White helmets? Make it rain. Children's cancer hospital? Make it rain. Wildlife protection organization? Make it rain. Then I'd build enough solar, wind, and whatever alternative energy infrastructures needed to completely replace major oil usage in the US.
Fun_Sized_Momo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:58:41 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always wanted to open an animal rescue. I guess I would open a lot of animal rescues.
Merrrlinnn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:14:00 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Puppies. Puppies everywhere.
BubbleMushroom ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:38:49 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Weep with joy, probably. Don't even care what I'd do with it. Just being financially stable would be nice.
sillymissmillie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:47:15 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Im late to the thread but I would
time_is_galleons ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:08:31 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
AFTER I'd covered my ass with Lawyers and accountants, etc.......
Pay off my entire extended family's debt, and pretty much all my friends and their families (anonymously of course, except for my Dad, because he's the only person in this world that I trust that much). Basically make sure that everyone was WELL looked after, but not so much that they become dependent on me.
Pay off my University debt, buy some houses, get a private jet.
Invest in a bunch of properties in inner Melbourne and Sydney, in order to set up housing for students, the homeless, and other people who are in need, for FREE. The only thing they have to do is not be dicks to each other and not wreck the place.
I would set up some sort of company in order to sponsor refugees to come to Australia, as a big 'fuck you' to my government. I would also set everyone I brought here up with housing and education, and a means of making a new start.
That's the things I can think of off the top of my head. Basically if the money was that insane, the vast majority of it would go to philanthropy, because I'm a simple person who doesn't need much.
FinDoll11 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:31:51 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
fix the water system in Flint.
applefreak14 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:00:00 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1) Make sure it wasn't a mistake, 2) Pay of my student loans, 3) Pay off my best friends student loans, 3) Give my parents some money, 4) Give my sister some money, 5) Give my best friend some money, 6) Give her parents some money, 7) Buy a new car, 8) Buy a really nice house, 9) Furnish said house, 10) Put the rest of it in a long term high earning interest rate c.d.
rafaelninja13 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:44:44 on March 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my parents mortgage and go to college
quickhaggis ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:25:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pick a disease and cure it. Send a manned mission to mars. Start a not for profit bank.
Jackthastripper ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:39:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A shit tonne of research on how best to use 99.9% of it for the betterment of mankind.
Oh, and go to the gym in the afternoon. Nothing interrupts the workout, not a shitty song coming on my playlist, and not a trillion dollars.
adanceparty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:38:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i'd just buy a house with a basement for that, then fill the basement with a gym and soundproof it. I don't want to leave the house for that.
AusNorman ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:06:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Use that to make Australia the first renewable energy nation like 100% every day. And get universal income going which leads to universal health care and a whole fuck ton of wonderful things for society.
rooftopwin ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:27:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Apple.
iPhone 7S will have a headphone jack.
macOS will actually have a development team.
Pay video game developers to actually make games for Mac.
Run Microsoft out of business.
Pepperoni_Dogfart ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:29:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's a level of fanboyism rarely - if ever - seen.
You realize you just said "change everything about Apple so it's more like Microsoft then run Microsoft out of business," right?
Why not just let go of the Apple fetish and get technology that actually works?
PQ6 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:03:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rekt.
"BUT DUDE. I WANT TO DONATE ALL MY MONEY TO A BILLION DOLLAR COMPANY THAT DOESNT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME"
jonasdash ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 13:15:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
boring but realistic answer:
(assuming I have no taxes to pay on this money)
Donate 999 billion to 99 worthwhile charities.
Invest 990 million in a well-diversified portfolio.
Spend 8 million to get close family and friends debt free, buy immediate family their own houses & cars.
Spend 1 million to make myself living comfortably in my own house on my own land.
Spend 1 million on a crazy party.
Live off interest and investment profits for the rest of my life.
AdroitMan ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:15:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spend 1M on your own life and 1M on a party? Very realistic.
jonasdash ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:09:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
the million on myself is just to 'set myself up comfortably'
New House: 200,000
New Furnishings: 100,000
New Wardrobe: 25,000
Purchase Land: 500,000
Two Cars: 60,000
Pay off debt: 15,000
One year of living expenses: 100,000
TOTAL: 1,000,000
Week long party costs for renting out 50 suites in a Las Vegas hotel, booking a ballroom, 50 persons first class airfare, week long limousine service for all guests, booking bands, catering services from high class chefs, unlimited alcohol, insurance, cleanup costs, and giving each of my 50 guests some money to gamble with --- yeah, I could spend a million on a party easy.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But you don't get an income to sustain yourself that way: 1m with 5% interest is still only 50k a year, but you spend most of that money, so you won't even have financial security that way, maybe even become broke after 2/3 years or having to sell your belongings.
jonasdash ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 17:02:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think I can live off 5% interest on the 990 million I invested.
I'd imagine $49,500,000 a year is a decent living
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:06:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Skipped that part
PectusExcavatumBlows ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:33:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Most of that charity money will be given to CEOs. Probably better if you create your own non-profit with that 990 billion that covers all the bases of the 99 you would have given to anyways. Then just hire people to run it (they will hire all the other people). That way you can call up your people and ask "how's the cure for aids coming along" then they'll say "almost done sir" and then you can just hang up because you're rich enough to not need to say goodbye at the end of all your phone calls.
jonasdash ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:37:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like this idea quite a bit; big fan of the hanging up part. Let's get me that 1 Trillion and I'll put you on the payroll for my charity.
Mindlesssavage ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 10:38:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cry
O-shi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:35:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tears of joy?
Mindlesssavage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:37:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Of course
bozokeating ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:46:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could literally wipe your tears with dollar bills.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:19:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No he stubbed his toe when he woke up.
ppoesk2 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:04:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd wake up. It was a dream inside a dream, fam.
margaret0619 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:21:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit both of my jobs, pay off what my student loans currently are and THEN pay off all of my future college tuition. Put half of what's left in savings, and then spend the rest of it on hookers and blow.
Sir_Derpysquidz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:18:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think you understand how much a trillion is. That would be all the hookers and blow in the US easily.
MrDibbsey ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:26:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dig a big hole to the centre of the the earth.
stanleymodest ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 11:54:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
After watching a show about soldiers raping women and children in the Democratic Republic of Congo, I would pay for my own army of female mercenaries to sneak into the country and castrate the rapists, but not kill them.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:56:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rape is mostly motivated by feeling of domination, so castrastrion won't cut it (no pun intended). Though with 1 Trillion you can invest in enterprises that create qualified working places there reperspective working places where the money actually stays in the country and with the employees instead of pressing every last drop of money out of the country. You could probably buy the whole republic while youre at that.
AANickFan ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:45:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol
Bidenisanorange ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:57:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would pay you to correct your spelling on tomorrow
ThatOneSneasel ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:17:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get the United States' debt down to $19 million.
Anti-Antidote ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:55:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
*Trillion
Cynicalteets ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:23:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job, put my house on the market. Buy some sweet property in a foreign country. Either some place in Europe or japan. Learn the local language. Become a local wine expert and a regular at the nearest bar. I'd probably get mildly into smoking weed, as long as it's legal. Sit around a fire pit and drink local brews/wines. Take up astronomy. I'd also have an apartment in the middle of either London or New York that I'd go to when I feel too unconnected from humanity.
Rhomega2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:41:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cheat at Yu-Gi-Oh. Screw the rules, I have money!
AnB85 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:47:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy up a small undeveloped country somewhere in Africa. I would invest in education and healthcare and setup a proper government and infrastructure.
Then I would use it as a base for a large army and create a vast empire. I would invest heavily into research and funding politicians around the world to advance my agenda and push for my eventual conquest of the entire world.
I would be all out funding research into my own immortality and start a long term colonization of the galaxy.
tl:dr Become Galactic Emperor
14thousandfeet ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:50:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Either 1 trillion 1-dollar hookerbots, or one 1-trillion dollar hookerbot.
I40ladroni ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:04:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Close the mortgage on my house, buy the rest of it, for start.
Split it to a houndred of bank accounts in many different banks.
Check with the IRS for tax, no need to do a tax crime.
Then fully equip my house with the latest tech, making it a smart house.
Fire myself from my job, open a good pension plan, and fully live my life doing only whatever I want.
MARKLUKEALEXANDER ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:07:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate $950Billion to the US government to reduce the national debt. Thus avoiding messing up the economy too badly. Buy $40Billion of bundled medical and student debt and forgive it. Create an endowment for the Mathematics department at my old university using $1Billion. Donate $8Billion to Red Cross organizations across the world. Open a CD with $10Million and live off the interest for the rest of my life. Give $10Million away to my parents, friends of my parents, and parents of my friends to retire. Gove $900Million to the school districts of the cities I have lived in. Give $75Million to library systems in cities I have lived in. Give $3 Million to my sister so she does not have to work anymore. Buy a house or two with the last $2Million.
smartello ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:26:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So you don't know what to do with 950 billions and just burn it, right?
ThenThereWasRain ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:17:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I've done the math right, would give $10,000 to 100 million impoverished people. Nobody would be rich but it'd help massively.
Jaereth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:06:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably not as much as you would think. lol Try it on a micro scale and think about what a few impoverished families in your area would do if you gave them 10000 cash money tomorrow.
Toxicitor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:33:47 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
See all the people snorting crack off a hoe's booty in this thread? scale that down to 10 grand and multiply it by 100 million.
Dodge-em ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:30:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As per a deal I made with God, of any "easy money" I acquire, I would carefully and strategically give a third of it away to various charities over a period of time.
scornucopia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:20:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What's God's side of the deal?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:30:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Siphyre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:51:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy the company I work at and fire everyone else.
Herbert_Derpfried ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:32:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gild op.
ShawshankException ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:43:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eh that could probably pay a quarter of my student loans
Togonnagetsomerando ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:21:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
quit my job, go to the president of university and get her to boost my GPA to 9, buy a lambo and then just blow the rest of the money till the end of me
Hannahrose003 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:05:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Help fund Season 3 of Rick and Morty
PaulieNumbers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:08:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A king among men
PeteRoseGotScrewed ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:13:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy 5-10,000 acres in Tennessee, build a ridiculous house and start a body building/power lifting gym. I'd have a chef to cook for me, a live in maid, and 10 or so 25 year old 10/10s
sokule10 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:14:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy my entire block. Connect all the houses. Knock down all the backyard fences and make one giant backyard. Block house.
PLZ_PM_ME_UR_BUTT ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:52:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fund virtually everything that Trump is currently defunding.
Papa-pp ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 11:15:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Id feel so guilty, Id probably buy a chocolate and then donate the rest to charities that I trust. Then feel bad about buying the chocolate and adding 4$ extra to the 1 trillion to cover it.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:23:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I want to hug you and give you a chocolate.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:50:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I remember right you want his trillion for the chocolate.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:51:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shhhhhh
thepanichand ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:29:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll buy your chocolate, you little guilt-ridden cutie.
mrmuzika ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:22:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to work, I enjoy my job.
Honest_Honne ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:28:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Where do you work?
mrmuzika ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:23:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
IT
bloodstone99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:20:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Non stop world tour. Visit every inch of this planet.
inetensu ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:34:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Only this one?
OkuaRdtortL ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:40:32 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm so with you, man.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:20:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
JuanOffhue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:53:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโd start by turning in my two weeksโ notice at work.
ShepherdBond ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest half, Save Quarter, Hire a Stock Advisor for the other quarter.
Pepperoni_Dogfart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:31:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think you mean "Invest three quarters, save a quarter." Think about what you wrote.
And investing three quarters of a trillion dollars that came out of nowhere would collapse the global economy.
Besides, a trillion dollars is beyond the spending capacity of any single human.
An average human lives around 29,000 days.
You would literally have to spend $34,482,758 every single day from the day of birth to the day of death in order to exhaust that sum.
MiketreyF ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:02:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my loans, live a very comfortable life with lots of hookers and a nice house ... give to charitable things i deam worthy..make sure video games and or movies i like get a sequal
ahoogen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:03:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spend the rest of the day playing "Scrooge" and swimming in my trillion dollars.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:03:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire the best team of lawyers in the world. Go to multiple local luxury watch dealers and purchase 4-5 nice watches. Go to Mercedes and buy a Maybach just for the heck of it. Build a ~$1,000,000 house in California and somewhere on the East Coast. Purchase a Lamborghini Aventador. Purchase a $500,000-$1,000,000 house in my home city. Invite said lawyers over for coffee and to discuss how to invest the remaining $9,999,995,000,000.
catfroman ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:25:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
$1,000,000 house in California is pretty garbage compared to a $1,000,000 house on the East Coast
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:31:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I know. I intended for a very modest house on both coasts that I could visit whenever I wanted without people going, "oh shit, he's the richest man in the world." The east coast house would be much nicer, depending on the location.
Gw1zz007 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:36:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lawyers are not good for investment advice.
heill ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:03:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldn't do anything, ever again.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:04:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get the most expensive hooker there is and have sex and then take a nap.
abolish_karma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:05:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy bitcoin. A LOT of bitcoin.
BryanDaBlaznAzn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:07:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy everything I want to own
umanouski ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:08:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Finance a global highway and drive it
frankenboobehs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:08:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Be a stay at home mom
SirTaters ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:09:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably suffocate if it was all in one dollar bills.
I have a small room.
0andymoe0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:09:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cocaine and hookers. And and then buy a fast car.
NinjaChemist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:10:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With that much money, you would instantly become a target. Hire a team of professionals; lawyers, body guards, advisors.
In reality, a bunch of hookers and blow.
blackwizardz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:10:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not wear pants or shoes ever again.
Mach_Three ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:11:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy my mother a car and spend the rest on PCP.
Edit: For the reference
catfroman ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:23:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's literally all of the PCP in the world. You'd still have over 900 billion dollars. Probably 990 billion+
Mach_Three ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:11:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy her another car and more PCP... when they restock.
Gentzzz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:13:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make a female clone of myself. Ayyy
Mequer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:13:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get a burger from mcdonalds, import a russian wife, make her pregnant, kill myself and leave the kid with the money because I have done everything that evolution required me to do
ellarie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:14:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off everyone's student loans
Elemental_85 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:14:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to work, why let people know I have this money
based_pat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:15:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing cause I rarely check my bank accounts.
BundleofAnxiety ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:16:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire lawyers and learn stuff. I can't wrap my head around that much money. I really wouldn't want all of it. I would probably (accidentally) destroy economies. I would set families and friends up for the good life. I would want to find a way to fix government issues without stupid politics (for example, can I fix my province's hydro crisis without it supporting the provincial leader who at the very least helped get us in the mess?). I would want to donate to a lot of charities, buy a whole new wardrobe, travel, buy a house where I want to live, set up my future and the future of everyone I care about.
It's a responsibility I don't want, and it wouldn't end well, I'm sure. But I would be rich, so there's that.
AnxietyAttack2013 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:16:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Realize i fucked up the economy, then probably invest a million or two in the stocks. I don't even know what, just something that sounds fun because fuck it what's a million or two to one trillion dollars right? Then I'd call work and say "hey, just so you know I'm putting in my two weeks but I'd like to continue to help around with things because you're rad people and I need something to do during the day so I don't get bored". After that? Fucking sleep.
Derpizzle12345 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:17:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Worrry about the massive inflation that'll probably cause.
Sparty013 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:18:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call in to work and go back to sleep
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:19:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Run for president time to get richer.
spiff2268 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:19:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hookers and cocaine.
enichols81 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:20:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would probably be dead since it would weigh more than 10,000 tons.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:20:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wake myself up again. Damn dreams within dreams.
catfroman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:21:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Refresh the page to make sure it's really there.
Assuming it is, I'd immediately quit my job, go straight to my local car dealership, purchase a Bentley, a Rolls-Royce and a Maserati, with my debit card like a fuckin' baller. While at the dealership, I'd text my gf to let her know she can quit her job too and that I just booked a flight to Europe so we can travel for a few months.
I'd also go to the casino and drop a million or so on high-limit games just to feel like a badass, then write a check to a few charities so I'm not a total asshole.
After all the fun and traveling and shit, I'd probably start my own business just so I have something to do with my time and hey, I can basically fail an unlimited number of times and not give a shit, so that's cool
WerewolfPenis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:21:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go into work as usual, get fired for calling people out on their douchebaggery . Give no damns because I'm rich. Buy a Nintendo switch. Play games and order food. Yeah. Simple huh?
TheFlamingLemon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:21:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Still probably go back to sleep
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:23:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd purchase my own mountain, build an underground complex for me to live in, and then spend the rest of my life fully funding interesting kickstarter style projects and donating money to worth charities anonymously. Also, I'd set up my own charity that would travel the country offering free spay and neutering for all pets and any strays that can be rounded up
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:24:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay back any debts I have, buy a new car, set up an eye and dental appointment, and start looking for a small house in the country where I could build a recording studio. I'll spend the next year or so not making any big financial decisions, and offer to be a financial backer for Troma. No flashy lifestyle, just doing what I really want to do with no financial stress.
MacDerfus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:26:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd offer to cover my friend's half of the security deposit for when we get an apartment in August. I'd also probably visit my girlfriend sooner than planned.
TheGreatJLK ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:26:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give about 100 mil each to both my sisters, mom, and dad. Then I'd go find a place to live in Colorado or Washington and spend the rest of my days smoking legal bud and reading comics.
shifting27 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:27:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate 100 million to tinnitus research/cure Donate another 100 million to different charities
Drop out of life and buy multiple condos in Hawaii, Aruba, and get a warm lodge in the middle of British Columbia with high speed internet.
You never have to worry about anything in life ever with that much money.
Pepperoni_Dogfart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:45:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Condos?
You could buy whole islands for that kind of money.
shifting27 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:31:36 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know, I'm still grasping a trillion dollars. I could live comfortably with 1 billion let alone 100billionx10
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:27:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
jerk off to martha stewart
hadeskratos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:29:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Continue doing what I normally do, but with a huge fucking grin on my face.
wispcurl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:30:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Term deposit.
nancydrewskillz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:30:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would pay off the taxes on it first.
Then with what was left, I'd fix my car, pay off some debt (mine, my boyfriend, my parents, my sister, my grandma, and possibly my ex) and from there...who knows. I've lived in the same two neighboring cities my whole life. It's so small, I couldn't imagine staying here and being able to remain anonymous. I could choose to live anywhere. But where would I go? I don't think about that, because I never had to.
VenomStinger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:31:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So, is this money in cash or in the bank? And, will anyone question why this fat guy who goes to Applebee's on a bi-weekly basis is the richest man in the world?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:31:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Convert it into pounds.
FeyCGirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:34:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'Welp looks like the pound finally slipped into hyperinflation' goes back too sleep
KySmellyJelly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:34:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make an alternate reddit account and after failing to make up my mind for say ohhh idk 45 days or so, ask advice from AskReddit on how to spend it.
Howlettgrowl91 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:35:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll make a pizza
ARandomRap ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:35:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Realistically? Freak out, call the bank to figure out where the money came from and tell no one.
positron3000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:36:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go into hiding
rkicklig ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:38:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Golf Pebble Beach
TheGreySparrow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:38:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a small house on a lake, marry my girlfriend, fish, drink, and play video games.
redisforever ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:38:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy my store, keep doing my job and just change a few minor things about the way the store runs. Buy Kodak. Re-released Kodachrome. Buy Fuji. Bring back all their discontinued films like Astia and all the flavors of Neopan. Basically become the God of /r/analog.
-whostolemyusername- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:38:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire a lawyer, buy an uninhabited island and build a decent house on it, buy solar panels to power my house, put a shitton of it in a high interest account so I can keep earning some money, and then...i guess buy a solid gold toilet? Doesn't everybody want one of those?
Pepperoni_Dogfart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think you quite understand how much money a trillion dollars is.
Needing to earn more is not necessary. You'd literally have to spend more than $40M a day to run out before you die.
-whostolemyusername- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:55:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How do you know when I die? or what kind of shiny things catch my fancy?
removes glove
SLAP
Good day sir.
Pepperoni_Dogfart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You can't treat an imaginary Trillionaire like that you ruffian!
-whostolemyusername- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Who are you calling 'ruffian'...i'll have you know I have 1 trillion imaginary dollars!
Awasawa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:38:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give half of it to Elon Musk and watch him go to town on Mars
AshleyScared ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:38:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Six Flags New Orleans. Fix it up. Make even more.
k-shed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call out of work and play some BOTW.
redisforever ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take a dump and wipe with hundred dollar bills.
last_strip_of_bacon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy some badass drugs
Lankshire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
House. New 5k bed. Car. Dads house. Figure the rest out.
smooothh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
deleted What is this?
officiallyaninja ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:40:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
destroy the economy
NexusTR ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:40:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate a ton to family and friends. Then proceed to OD on drugs.
FunnyHunnyBunny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:40:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2200 chicks at the same time, man.[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:41:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 chicks at the same time
get_MEAN_yall ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:41:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy an M24 gyrocopter and get a pilot licence.
randallross420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:41:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job in person.
migs9000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:41:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd quit my job, open my dream of a three story recording studio/photo studio, hire tutors to help me finish college, help pay for my girlfriend's college, fly out three states away to see her, and adopt a few ex racing greyhounds. After college, I'd travel the world with my girlfriend. Go to Spain where I could speak Spanish, go to France where she could speak French, and then Italy where we can know enough of a Latin based language to get by.
JTDobson7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:41:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give 980 billion away.
geyser_fruitty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:41:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Live in the suburbs and finally be a middle class american citizen FINALLY!
AngeliclyAwesome123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:42:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Try to find the decoy snail.
Marmitecashews ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:42:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Inform the bank of their mistake.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:43:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy up ski resorts and give the employees a livable wage. Looking at you, Vail, you vile snakes.
mrexperimenter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:43:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd make sure it's not a dream and then sleep, eat, binge watch TV series etc. and then do whatever I want.
spencertron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:43:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Immediate flight to Kauai with family. Buy whatever house on the beach I can. Live there. Become artist to keep me busy. Eat poke for lunch all the time.
Rhydnara ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:43:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate half of it to my three charities: Humane Society, Planned Parenthood, and ACLU.
Pay off my car loan, student loans, credit card.
Get a lawyer to help me sort out what to do with the rest of the money. Keep my job until I figure it out.
Yum4pi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:43:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would start a health insurance provider and then give health insurance away for free/mostly free.
The_Lone_Fish17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:44:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do exactly what i already do. Not because im rich or anything, im just happy with the way things are going. I might buy a new computer.
SwanRonson23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:44:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call in sick and spend the day shitting my pants.
steven_559 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:44:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Upgrade....everything....house car location. My future
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:44:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Party like a rockstar for the rest of my life.
laszlo462 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:45:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drop the fucking mic at work and then go buy some mass acreage in Montana or something.
joe-ducreux ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:45:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Withdraw it before the bank notices the error
justsmilenow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:45:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy my family's houses for them and pay their taxes for the gift, pay off their cars and all debt, I was going to put more but after that comma I've run out of things to do for my family. I'd pay off my house and car. Then I'd hire some people so we could lobby like the corporations do in the government to make things better for the people. I'd get my money to work for me so I can keep all this up for as long as possible. I'd repay the kindness to the people that have shown me some. I remember all of them, I've worked to remember them all. Last I would find some time to take a vacation probably go to the Bahamas where I went as a kid and see how things have changed.
Paisley_hippo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Keep it a secret! Maybe disappear.
jeremycb29 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Step one, cut a hole in a box
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would hire a bunch of lawyers... My main question would be: where did that money come from? Assuming it's a legal transfer of wealth (with taxes paid), I'd be concerned about the macroeconomic effects of pumping that much money into the economy. That's 1/18th of the size of the u.s. economy. Three possibilities:
1) Assuming this is just new bills you could personally cause inflation by adding it to the economy - effectively stealing that value from everyone else... which is problematic.
2) Assuming these are old bills, they must have been taken from people; which is morally concerning.. I'd probably give most of it back.
3) Best Case Scenario would be closest to the intent of the question: these are new bills that are associated with an increase of $1 trillion in economic activity that somehow all went to you (hence no inflation)... in this case I'd probably keep 10% of it (and be the wealthiest person on earth) and use the other 90% for noble causes.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:47:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
justinsayin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:47:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Set up a fund to begin US universal income and send every living person a check for $100 every month, ongoing.
HazonDakir ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thats ~32bil a month.
Might run out a bit quick there.
justinsayin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well invested, it won't run out. I would only need 4% returns.
MicooDA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:49:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get lunch for a change.
Rugil ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:49:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put it in a savings account with 0,15% interest. Make 4+ million dollars a day. Make a game out of actually spending that money every day.
Whapwhaaap ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:50:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give a billion to every friend and family member I have. Ain't no fun living on your private island if everyone you love can't afford to be there with you. Also I have nowhere near 1000 friends/family, so I'd still be top baller.
Masayosh1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:50:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Use it to tackle Corruption world wide. No more blood sucking Governments stealing from the poor to give to the rich.
ginjaplz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:50:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chick at the same time.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:09:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
ginjaplz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:13:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Office space reference for the un-cultured.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=fiuZIno6KPA&autoplay=1
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
ginjaplz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you don't respond with movie quotes from the late 90s 85% of the time, then I do.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:35:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
ginjaplz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:24:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I guess I'm the uncultured one then.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:46:40 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
ginjaplz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:59:00 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah you are really drilling down on this.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:03:14 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
ginjaplz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:09 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah I guess why not disappoint as many as possible at one time, 2 is rookie numbers, gotta get those numbers up.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:10:57 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
ginjaplz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:23:29 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah! You could pay a dude to handle it right after you were done, almost like Jeter with the gift bags. You're a good dude!
Parzival091 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:50:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First thing, hire the best legal team there is. I don't wanna worry about any legal problems that may come up with that kind of wealth. Second, I would give my parents $50 Billion, and my brother $25 Billion. Anyone else in my family (including in-laws, with the stipulation that they get over everything that happened during their marriage and finally move the fuck on...if they can't, they get squat), if you are are an aunt/uncle/first-cousin, and I've talked to you in the last 12 months, you get $25 Million. If you're a second-cousin, and I've talked to you in the last 12 months, you get $10 Million. After that, no more family coming out and receiving anything. Once that's finished, I'd put $15-Billion into Diabetes research. After all that, I still have over $900-Billion.
After that, I'd probably travel the world for the next 5 years, alternating between amazing cities and relaxing beaches. Then, when I finished traveling, I'd probably buy a bunch of houses/penthouses, and invest in strong stocks and buy sole-ownsership of a sports franchise or 2.
IceArrows ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:50:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest carefully and live the good life until my body breaks down and money can't save me anymore.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:51:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
probably squeeze my erection for awhile until i get up to pee, like every day...
Ask_A_Sadist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:51:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy reddit and close it down
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:51:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make sure federal agents are not on their way to my house to investigate/arrest me. Where did I get a trillion dollars? How did it end up in my account? Why? Am I in the clear legally?
Once I sort that out, if I get to keep the money, I'd pay off my student loans and mortgage, buy one of those really nice houses on a mountain in Scottsdale, keep $1 billion for myself/my husband, split another $500,000 among family members, and donate the rest. Live like I do now, but without a job so I can have time to travel and hang out with my friends.
IhopTheBaker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:51:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Comcast to make them behave ethically, fix Flint's water, buy about 40 house Republicans, pay off some student loans, spend on the third world and dead cities until I only have enough interest coming in to give each close family members 80k a year. I would then travel and set a tiny house on my aunt and uncle's land for when I want to chill at home.
Gizortnik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:52:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest a large portion of it and live like an upper-middle class person (okay, fine, I'll buy a Lotus Evora for fun). Take the rest of my disposable income and invest money into my friends and family, then into some patreons for some people I think are cool, and then see about personally trying to revitalize some fucked up low income community near where I live, providing jobs, affordable housing, a bit of education, healthier food options, a neighborhood garden, and if it works, I'll start repeating it in different, and potentially larger, communities.
The tough task here would be to see how long I could continue this operation through multiple generations.
liquorlanche ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:53:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go for a workout and sit in the steam room for like an hour while I figure out which hole-in-the-wall bar is about to make a few thousand dollars.
stuntmanm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:53:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably buy a sandwich or something
CarolineMySweet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:53:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Find someone that I can pee on for 300 dollars.
RandyOfTheRedwoods ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:53:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Let's ask Bill Gates. He will be able to answer this soon.
martlnRouterKing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:53:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Finally Go to Starbucks
Jacob5849 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:54:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate 90% to charity. Get a corvette Z06, a nice but modest house, Lots of guitars/amps, put the rest in a savings account.
DeadMechanic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:54:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shoot myself
pm-me-ur-feelingz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:54:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Punch you in the face
blackmetalbear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:54:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fix mental health care. Thats serious cash and it needs to be fixed horrifically. And buy an Island, definitely an island. Start a town, build an economy, live the life. Put all the money in giant sacks with dollar signs? Its a trillion dollars, the list of things you cant do is small
ryanstephendavis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:54:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire an accountant, an attorney, and a couple goon body guards
mattman1014 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:54:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Solve World Hunger... tell no-one.
In reality I would: Hire a lawyer and a CFP immediately. Invest half into things to make more money. Donate millions to good causes. Pay off any debts I or loved ones have. Buy people things they need. All the fucking time.
ihatethesidebar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire some bodyguards immediately.
TwoPlusSave ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, one trillion dollars could buy a lot of bling. Hell, one trillion dollars could buy most anything.
Shoot- One trillion dollars could make the fat lady sing. Come to think of it, one trillion dollars, what a bullshit useless thing.
Whoa.
CyberRubyFox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Try and sponser anti-jerrymandering bills by buying out representatives, then supporting the campaigns of decent and honest politicians.
Oh yea, then buying a massive house and all that jazz...
Reimaku ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would build a casino with blackjack...and hookers.
Jucamia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a new car. Buy a new computer. Buy a nice house. Pay off all debt. Pay off my SO's debt. Pay off my families debt. Buy my family new cars. Lay low and enjoy life.
espifer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not get up and go to work.
Acid_Sugar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:56:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hit snooze, if I know myself well.
killingit12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:56:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've got 9am labs at uni tomorrow so probably go there
DubiousVirtue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:56:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wonder what on earth happened to the exchange rate.
Plasma_Keystrokes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:57:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off as much of the student loan debt as possible and save a whole generation of Americans.
Doughblaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:57:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck two girls at the same time. I'm rich. I'm sure I can make that happen.
snailygoat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:58:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Carry on as normal and not tell a soul. I like my job, it just means my weekends might be a bit more interesting from now on.
Azuel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:58:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start doing what I could to stop global warming.
I want to die of old age, not environmental destruction.
zissou99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:59:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Three chicks at the same time.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:09:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
zissou99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:15:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There is a line from Office Space saying that if he had a million dollars he'd do 2 chicks at the same time. With a trillion I'd up it to 3
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
zissou99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:31:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chicks like a dude with money and I feel if I was a trillionaire I'd be able to set that up.
zissou99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:18:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://youtu.be/fiuZIno6KPA
kaiga12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:59:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A trillion dollars? Fuck it, piss lying on the bed, directly up in the air. I don't care where it falls cause I'm a trillionaire.
shewshoe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:59:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
pay off my credit card, car, loans and then put 100 million in an account for each of my three sons then go back to sleep
LaurdAlmighty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:59:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably panick. 1 trillion is a lot of money to have control over, I can manage a couple of billions, but a fucking trillion? I would first get a majority of my shit together, have my fun and what not, make sure the family is taken care of, invest and build my businesses. Then blow the rest of that money on personally managing charities I set up because I don't trust how some of these charities get millions and shit in donations and still manage to barely put a fucking dent in what they're supposed to be helping with.
GenerousJack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:00:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
flex so fucking hard
ElderlyPowerUser ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:01:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll tell you what I'd do, man: two chicks at the same time, man.
Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I were a Trillionaire I could hook that up, too; 'cause chicks dig dudes with money.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:01:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy your mom, I mean a nice car and housedelmar42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:01:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing. It will likely be a bank error, and you can bet your ass they'll come after that trillion.
trebor8201 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:01:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Look up the maximum sentence for tax evasion.
ssbfandom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:01:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give it to people in need (:
ThisIsTrix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:01:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd be so low key about it. Can't have family members suddenly being diagnosed with rare diseases that require so much money to fight.
QueequegTheater ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:01:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bankrupt Ubisoft, purchase the Great Salt Lake, buy an orgy boat, and burn the rest of the cash on the White House lawn.
Ingloriousfiction ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:02:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I actually had a similar conversation with the wife yesterday, We are simple people.
No debts nothing tying us to 1 place.
Trusts for every one, we love,Multi billion for kids, billion for close family, multi million for outer family, sub million for extended.
Sub million dollar home, pay myself current salary +5% raise every year.
Probably become a brewer just for the love of it, wife would finish medical school just for the love of it.
Invest EXTREMELY conservatively, reinvest interest, gift a few billion to Elon, gates, and nasa
djmaxjames ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:02:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There are these apartments in my city that I've wanted to live in since the day I first saw them go up. I'd cancel my current lease and move in. I'd buy some furniture, because I have none yet. I'd start working out more, since I don't have to focus on work as much. I'd still DJ, as my name implies, but day jobs would be a thing of the past for me.
Oh! I've wanted a new SUV to move my equipment around. So.... I'd probably spoil myself and get something nice like a fully loaded Honda CR-V. I don't wanna worry about repairs, and I'm living in town. It'd be very irresponsible for me to buy a big, flashy ride. Things are just bound to happen.
Hm... maybe I'll also buy a boat. Sunseeker.
kidtesticle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:02:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two girls at the same time!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:02:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire people to fix my house up. Sign it over to my mom. Give her a million dollars. Use the rest of my money to move to Gettysburg and live in luxury. Maybe go to college. Maybe self-publish some of my stories.
Ranger_Aragorn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:02:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a country
Catacomb82 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:02:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Keep it a secret.
cpu5555 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:03:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would seek wisdom on how to invest and give away the money.
NC_DE336 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:03:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my student loans, invest 75% of what's remaining into a secure savings account. Budget out what remains and live off of that with the same type of lifestyle I wanted for myself before I got the money.
therealmaxipadd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:04:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd SLI 2 1080ti's, setup a PC on my bedroom TV, and play rocket league in 4k
ElmertheAwesome ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:04:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my debts. Buy my folks' house. Buy me a house and maybe a condo in Miami. Spend about a million on fun stuff and then just live normally for the rest of my life with little to no worries.
no_witty_username ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:05:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I had money like that, I would start to fuck with world politics. Starting with the US. There would be a shit ton of changes.......you know what, nah fuck that I wouldn't want to accidentally fall on a bullet.
Finiariel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:05:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ooooh let's see Right after receiving the money I would plan my resignation in such a way as to scar my current boss forever (he's a dick). Once this is done, I would buy houses for myself and the family, then cars, then probably go around the world for a year or so. When I'm back I probably would give a couple millions to charity.
MowMdown ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:05:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, if everyone here woke up with a trillion dollars we would all be broke and normal items would cost probably a quadrillion.
MoonrakerElite27 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:05:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would dive down my street and run over all the toys and basketball hoops bike and whaynot that all the kids on my street leave in the road
pokepip ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:06:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
read the book "one trillion dollars" for inspiration. its a fun read even if you dont have a trillion dollars https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eine_Billion_Dollar
snuffles324 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:06:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Burn 95% of it... Be filthy rich on the rest. 1 trillion? Are you trying to destroy the economy? /s
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:07:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire all the doctors to fix my mum.
Okinawaboy93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:07:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay student loans, give a good portion to my parents for being extremely helpful in my life, probably build a stupidly overkill PC. Im a simple guy lol
JihadiJames ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:07:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shoot up the school.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:07:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
See username
dankyjankem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:08:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hookers and blow
laundryandblowjobs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:08:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anonymous donation to Planned Parenthood.
Blank747 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:08:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Threaten to quit my job if they dont give me a raise
katasian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:08:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is it sad that my first thought is get better health insurance?
I'd also buy a beautiful fixer-upper house near the beach and start renovating it for myself and my future husband to live in. And I'd totally redo my wardrobe for a California casual vibe. And get a massage. I'm a pretty simple person.
bunnyfreakz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:09:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Develop a super advance armor and weaponry to fight criminals.
AshenCrow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:10:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get it out of US dollars asap.
scienceisanart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:10:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Move to that star system with the 7 planets. Fuck earth
Samuel_Sturm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:10:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Step 1: Get a trust fund set up.
Step 2: Move back to where I grew up.
Step 3: Get myself set up comfortably.
Step 4: Gain major influence in the state government, and get a long series of laws and policies fixed to my standards.
Step 5: Expand influence to national level, repeat.
Step 6: Expand influence to world level, repeat.
Step 7: End reality TV.
drunkandpassedout ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:10:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
racoon1969 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:11:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Panick about the trouble it'll get me in. After about a month I'll probably realise this is actually MY money, and visit a themepark. I wanna go on the rollercoaster.
Siouxicide_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:11:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay for my niece's and nephew's college, buy a nice house for my family and a nice house with a bigass fenced in yard for my husband and I and all the god damn dogs we will adopt.
payokat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:11:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
still finish school, because I love this field.... but do it in a NICE house. Taking online classes from the beaches of an island that I own.
GaySpaceRock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:11:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would build skate parks in places that don't have one.
Zokar49111 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:11:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you invested your trillion dollars at only 3% interest, you would earn 82 million dollars a day! Just think, if you didn't spend at least 82 million dollars every day, you would just keep getting richer and richer.
GOverlord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:12:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jokes on you, I already have a tillion dollars.
WAY905 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:12:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Visit every national park
JohnQAnon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:12:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the most expensive car ever made. Daily drive the fuck
BeanItHard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:13:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wank
Kumo-mi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:13:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Coincidentally, as my 10 year old son asked for a trillion dollars yesterday for seed money to make rovers that can climb walls, that is where I would spend it. I'm not sure how much business or engineering acumen he has, but it definitely would be interesting to watch.
Surferbaseball10 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:13:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd pay off the student loan debt for everyone in my immediate family.
Wendel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:14:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give it to the poor in Africa.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:14:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate half to Veterans and Childrens groups, buy each of my friends a house, and a nice car.
Buy myself a boat, house, invest the rest.
sl0wcheetah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:14:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First 100k: cocaine!!!
mmherzog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:14:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time man
DiscGolf4Fun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:15:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get Guacamole on my Chipotle burrito!
Thoughtsofamaniac ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:15:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd do the following, in approximately this order:
Donate $500 billion to various charities around the world, particularly those which strive to feed people, give them clean water capabilities, and keep people supplied with living space and clothes. The need for safety and security, food and water make up the bottom and most fundamental part of Mazlow's pyramid to self actualization. I feel like a lot more people would be in a position to make much better paths in their lives if they could meet these basic requirements.
Spend $1 billion on a secure, high tech living space somewhere I would enjoy living, probably in the mountains somewhere.
Spend $5 billion on buying huge, lifetime stock quantities of my favorite things, like cocaine.
Spend $1 billion to fund a private lab synthing MXE.
Spend $4 billion on drug law reforms across the globe with the aim of decriminalizing or legalizing at least the drugs I like in the places that are relevant to me.
Donate $10 billion to groups that fight human trafficking and sex slavery.
Spend $1 billion buying escort services.
Give $400 billion to the US government in exchange for never bothering me about anything at all ever again. Meaning if I want to do a line of coke off the presidents forehead or Melania's tits they can't say anything to me.
Give $10 billion to the members of my family and people in my life who have actually benefited me or cared for me in some way.
Die a happy man doing lines of cocaine off the ass cheeks of attractive escorts while living in my palatial mansion in the mountains somewhere.
IamPetard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:15:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The very first thing I would do is take a shit because the sudden pressure within my body would be too intense to handle. Then I'd buy a new toilet cause I'm already used to manually flushing due to its terribleness. Then I'd replace the bathtub with a nice shower cause having a nice toilet and shit tub is just bad to look at but first I'd need to replace the window cause it doesn't really fit properly but I can't replace the window because I'd need to cement half of it and the city/building regulations prevent this from happening. So I'd buy the building and then fix the window which would likely result with conflicts with city policies so I'd buy the city as well. Seeing as the government wouldn't like this too much, I'd buy the government as well so they would just let me fix my damn bathroom.
Then I'd probably go back to sleep cause I usually wake up too early anyway.
platyviolence ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:16:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cash?
BDKhXc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:16:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This question gave me anxiety for some reason.
watchmepooptoday ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:16:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably finally start gilding people that deserve it.
dogfish83 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:16:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I woke up today with 21k and I went to work.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:17:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rent a nice flat.No, fuck that, I'd buy the best spot in town, ground it and built a big mansion, with my own fitness studio, big kitchen, big garden, naturally filtered swimming pool, secret rooms, secret toilet on the roof, a badminton field.... Ofc investing my money in appartements, big interest bank accounts, firms and stocks and stuff.With that much stuff it also wouldnt even make a difference I can grasp when I donate a good amounts of billions. Though I would never donate more than half the amount I got in the beginning.
Whit3y ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:17:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, I reckon if you can get two chicks at the same time for a million bucks, I'd be able to do 500,000 chicks at the same time if I had a trillion
damattmissile ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:17:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably get a boner hard enough to chip diamond. Then whatever catches my fancy for the rest of my life.
PM_YIFF_OR_CLOP_PLS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:17:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy trashy cars and rebuild them.
Buy art.
Fund shitty kickstarters.
luthurian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:17:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire a goon squad to rough OP up for misspelling 'tomorrow' in the headline.
Repeat this in every subreddit until Reddit is a shining beacon of grammar and spelling.
publicvoice ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:17:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If accidentally, I got One Trillion Dollars, then, first of all, I will build a Huge Castle in some far distant area in an Ancient Architecture Style.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:17:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Be fucked since there's no reasonable, or even possible explanation for how I have that much money.
newaccount21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:18:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy all the heroin. No regrets.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:18:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Crash the world economy.
s7ylo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:18:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a Geforce 1080 Ti
Bischof_des_koenigs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:18:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would quit my job. Wouldn't even give a 2 weeks notice. #LivesDangerously
rcutler9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:18:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not an economist, but I would bet 1 trillion dollars created out of nowhere would seriously mess with the economy. I would probably keep it secret just how much money I really have
fly-away07 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:19:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a van. Convert it so that I could live in it. Travel the world for the rest of my life.
guardsanswer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Set up a new charitable organization and get the word out (using my billions) that any missionary, charitable organization, or relief group working in an impoverished area/nation is guaranteed a $1mil donation. Hire a team of investigate accountants (or whatever it would take) to verify these groups' legitimacy. Then give NASA some funding, planned parenthood, some 3rd party candidates just so the Dems and Reps have to get their shit together, foster programs, and whatever other cool projects I see pop up. A trillion is a lot of money.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay for my fiancรฉe's college. But everything on steam wishlist. Buy a name small house. Live there with her without needing to work, just playing fun games and watching Netflix. Maybe buy myself that chocolate fudge log I keep seeing at Walmart, but she keeps telling me no. That's about it. That would make me happy.
ChuckDimeCliff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd go buy the bass guitar I've been looking at for a while. And basically every instrument/music gear I'd ever want.
bitcleargas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire three research groups.
Start planning to end poverty.
Start planning to end climate change.
Start planning to build a fucking spaceship.
andyhammdusky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give a majority of it to NASA. The rest is fuck you money and a spot on that SpaceX moon flight.
Treppyboy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd go right back to sleep, forever this time. Maybe i'd even live in my bed.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 chicks at the same time
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A939QRRSNV4
kairon156 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:21:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TL:DR Basically if I had the money and able to higher the right people as well as make the right connections I would become Canada's #1 philanthropist and ideally become a house hold name.
If I'm converting USD to CND That's near enough to 1.351 trillion
The Canadian debt is CAD$1.2 trillion across federal and provincial governments. So I'll pay off ALL Canadian debt and still have 0.151trillion left. With that I'll start a company that will begin building apartment buildings with 1 or 2 bedroom apartments designed to be both ECO friendly and affordable for single income people(s).
I'll also start building or renovating "reasonable" sized homes for low income families which will be well insulated and have solar panels on their roof. I'll sell these homes trying to make a profit where I can but nothing that will put the homes out of reach for low income families.
After this hopefully my company will be earning enough cash from the apartments to start work on building a Vertical farm. The prototype will be near where I live than I'll build more across Canada along with the 1 or 2 bedroom apartment buildings.
I would like this company to reach a point that it's able to replace infrastructure companies and work across Canada. I'll look for materials and techniques that can make roads and what not last longer and where possible made from reused or reusable materials.
If my company becomes big enough I would see if it's possible to help Canada teach and higher local Canadians to become doctors and dentists and try to have them able to work closer to where ever they call home.
This is a newer idea I would like to do either after everything else or maybe during, I would like to take a look at our school system K-12 and revamp it so schools will teach kids morals that don't necessarily require religion. I'll also have a "common sense 101" class at least every 3 grades just to teach kids things that will be helpful during life outside school and work.
Oreos_CS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:21:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Set myself for life with a house and my ultimate car garage, and still have enough pocket change to fix some world problems.
Leatherneck55 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:21:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my student loans and if there is any money left, take my wife out to dinner.
CxArsenal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:21:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Definitely not go to work, that's for sure
ilike8008 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:22:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy over 9000 karma.
Bott ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:22:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There would be a lot of happy charities.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:22:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy reddit and get it offline.
Science_Monster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:22:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build a space ladder, charge what I want for access, become king of space.
ZombiePope ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:22:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Step 1: contact my financial manager.
Step 2: contact Boeing. 787 with hardwood floors, and a full kitchen.
Step 3: call my best friends and tell them I'm going on a trip to everywhere and have a few extra seats if they want to come with.
Step 4: make vroom noises while sitting in the copilot seat.
Roamer21XX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:23:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would have some 'splainin to do to the IRS
furrysquirrel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:23:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The correct answer to this question is to start a space company, build a rocket and fly myself off this god forsaken planet. I hear Mars has nice weather.
ankensam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:23:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay my bills, go to work and then start planning for opening a small restaurant in the middle of nowhere so I can cook all the time and be left alone by people.
UNGR8FUL_UND3AD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:23:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would see the wonders of the world. Every awe inspiring natural formation. Every feat of man. I'd eat every food. Buy a set of clothes from each culture. Take everything in. This is my heaven.
beastlyzach ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:23:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Diversify
cheerl231 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spend as much of it as possible before someone figures out something is wrong
IFearEars ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
invest 1/5th of it in stocks, put the rest in a savings account
GetBuckets13182 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call my boss, literally say into the phone "lol" and then fall back asleep.
Quenchen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would start the fase that needs 1 trillion dollars of my highly elaborate Social Evolution Masterplan.
Rycin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Change a huge amount of it to gold then settle down on a farm and start building it up more
nola_mike ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate half as it would be a tax write off. Call my employer and quit. Search for and find a decent financial advisor/accountant. Purchase some land and build my dream house. Open up a BBQ restaurant. Live my life the way I want to live it.
HellaBrainCells ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Reddit and fix this post
crusoe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At that level of money establish a sovereign wealth fund and fix the us.
6% interest on one trillion is about 60 billion a year. I could do some capital investments and then sit on the remainder. With endowments to every state college free tuition to all with probably hundreds of billions left.
From there healthcare investments. And funding PBS and science shows.
I'd find some personalities to help push critical thinking. I'd invest in cutting edge research in renewables and get things like that new glass sodium battery to market sooner.
Kyzzyxx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give most of it away
Wile_D_Coyote ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Think about how to make a trillion more.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give my two weeks notice at work. Pay off my mortgage. Hire a nutritionist and a personal trainer. Hike the Appalachian Trail.
Ajandothunt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a small country and start a scientific utopia.
daha16 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:26:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Let's be honest I'd probably still check Reddit out before I did anything.
Dahnhilla ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:26:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire a lawyer, an accountant and move it all to the Cayman islands asap. Then buy the Cayman islands.
Then I'd buy Lockheed Martin, Rolls Royce, GM, IBM and BAE to make myself indesipensinle to the world's governments.
Then I'd do whatever the fuck I wanted.
TheTwinsTower ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:26:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Be schleep cuh
E2tO ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:26:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy an impeachment.
If Trump money can buy the White House, surely a trillion is enough to set an impeachment in motion. ;)
ROADRUNN3R1998 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:26:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Convert it into pounds
Psychoicy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:26:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would find a worthy charitable cause to fund.
The_Kronorium ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:26:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy all of Amazon stock I could.
Disputeanocean ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:26:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just found my passion in life. Photography. I just bought a used meager camera. I want to photograph mountains and landscapes but I live in the south and have never even seen snow or a mountain. So I would have the wedding of my dreams, me and my husband will quit our jobs and spend as much time traveling as we can.
Rkane44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:27:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
call the bank and make sure its not a mistake. pay off mine and families' debts (anonymously). Try to continue living a simple life for a year while I speak with financial advisors and avoid blowing all of it.
Invest in my local town. Most likely in solar energy, since we have a market opportunity for that right now. Then travel, alot.
AsianKitchenGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:27:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd hide it, and make a massive treasure hunt out of it.
minoe23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:28:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hope I don't need to pay a fuck-ton of it in taxes. Actually, who the fuck am I kidding, even if it's before taxes that's more money than I'd need in my life.
thumbs27 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:28:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy all existing trump enterprises and re name them drumph enterprises
MedChemist464 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:28:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off 5% of our national debt.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:28:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start my own space company somewhere in Antarctica.
LUE-42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:28:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would probably freak out, buy my parents a house. Me a house. And then buy my company so I could build it up how we all want and expand. Them probably a lot of investment/donations.
There would be a lot of crying.
TobyHensen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:28:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give everyone on earth water (like wells and shit). If I'm not out of money, get as many people as possible internet. Make sure that I end with 100m so I can do fun shit too
haddock420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cocaine.
wsfarrell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How does this crap make it to the front page? You will NOT wake up with a trillion dollars tomorrow.
spiltnuc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:30:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make Dan Bilzerian look like a peasant. Whose the IG King now bitch? FBGM
JoeyTwoTones ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:30:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've seen enough movies to know that I should probably run. And probably get a Lawyer.
D_S876 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:30:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put 75% in a savings account. Invest 10% in stocks. The other 15% I'd spend on buying all next gen consoles, games, upgrading pc and VR. And socks. I always need more goddamn socks.
samuelx130 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:30:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give atleast 10 billion to Elon Musk
SolongStarbird ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:30:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Set aside 10 billion. The rest will be dispensed to various charities at a rate that won't fuck up inflation.
Ds0990 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:30:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take 1 million out to live on, and use the rest on AI research. I want to see the singularity in my life time
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:31:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy as many books, cats and dogs as possible. And a big house to put all that in
WesternKai_Buck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:31:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Id corner the market on toilet paper. I would buy every TP manufacturer in the country, then i would lobby congress to give myself a government protected monopoly. i would then raise the price of toilet paper 500%. The proceeds would fund the development of my clone army.
KmndrKeen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:31:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Conquer the world.
Give all the idiots a brand new religion
Put an end to poverty, uncleanliness and toil
Promote equally in all of my decisions with a quick wink of the eye, and a "god you must be joking"
SquaggleWaggle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:31:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep in, then drop outta high school
brokenstep ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:32:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Create an ask Reddit threat asking people what they'd do and do it all
Op please donate some money to me. Love you
EternalJedi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:32:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest a metric shitton and move out.
Gr_Cheese ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:32:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How was the money provided to me? Magically appear in stacks of hundred dollar bills inside my apartment? Because all I'd do is die. $1t in $100s would weigh 20.4m lbs.
Everyone else in my apartment building would probably be crushed to death as it collapsed under the weight of my newfound wealth as well.
usmcswinger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:32:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably shit, shower, and shave and go about my day like any other day. I'm a simple man I'd go buy a house and new vehicle and that's about it to be honest
catanwithaplan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:33:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not take my god damn finals this week
jay_emdee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:33:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd Bill Gates it up. Invest a very small portion to grow, set up a reasonable trust for my kid, then start a foundation and give the rest to people and organizations who really needed it. I'd also go on vacation.
Ne028 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:34:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5XiJKkn4TAg
TranSpyre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:34:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd start by buying a house (at least 3k square feet) in every state.
Otherwise, do you think that I could buy one of the states for a trillion? Maybe a small one like Delaware or Rhode Island?
InthegrOTTO87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:34:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would take a Flat Earth conspiracy theorist on a trip into orbit.
Om-Tom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:34:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy all the chairs in the world and burn them because fuck you I don't want people sitting comfortably anymore.
a-r-c ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:34:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
open a pool hall and buy a weed farm
but i'd still go to work and just do nothing til i get fired bc fuck this place
misterbiscuitbarrel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:34:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy the island my friends and I are dreaming of. Then get a decent computer, set up wifi on the island, but a boat to visit the mainland. Then I'd just ensure none of us had to work a day in our lives again.
EvilMonkeyMimic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:34:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay all of my friends to stop working and hang out with me.
Also hire animators for my dumb tv show ill make.
PM_ME_UrHeroes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:34:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If it's in a bank I would try to withdraw it. If it was in cash Id invest in a garbage truck
Kimmiro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:34:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Relax forevermore.
villagreen079 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:35:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drop out of the paralegal program and start working towards becoming a veterinarian. It's my dream, but sadly the exorbitant costs prevent me from making that choice currently.
ThaNorth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:35:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably get hit with a rush of adrenaline and excitement so maybe go get a mean work-out to calm the nerves down and then go from there.
TropicalGamer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:35:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
launder that shit before I get arrested
magby200 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:35:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wonder where the rest of my money went...
john_doe36 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:35:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would donate around 20% to charity and put the rest in banks, trusts and investment accounts and have my family and their family set for the foreseeable future and beyond.
joewylieee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:35:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It would seriously snow that weekend
Om-Tom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:35:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to work like a normal day but then casually buy every single item in the store on the way out.
Stompydingdong ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:36:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd shit, shower, and shave, then I would place the money in an Israeli bank, because Swiss bank accounts are a thing of the past. Then maybe I'd go swimming.
pachogan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:36:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would call up Elon Musk to ask 'how I can help his dream to a better world'.
c0wg0d ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:36:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd subscribe to the highest tier on every Patreon.
TheDerpyAxolotl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:37:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy every homeless person in the US a home. I'll still have hundreds of billions of dollars left that I can spend.
Everythings ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:37:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build the ultimate streaming gaming setup, get Paragon popular for comp, and make a stream my little brothers would be able to watch, then game til I die.
BillTheUnjust ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:37:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd go to work stress free. Tomorrow's supposed to be sunny and 68, I'd hate to miss out on lunch hour disk golf.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:37:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take a cab to buy juice and beer. Also, officially retire.
flargle_queen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:37:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call the bank to tell them they've made a mistake on my account
Mr_unbeknownst ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:37:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a 6 pack and a pack of smokes.
hhhnnnnnggggggg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:37:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
After moving, getting a sailboat, and having enough to live frivilousy off interest I'd use the rest to fund single payer healthcare off the interest.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:38:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd fly first class.
redditnoob117 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:38:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
End world hunger with 30 billion, try and lobby the U.S into enacting congressional term limits, try and buy Fox news so I can shut it down. Invest some. Shit. What wouldn't I do.
PenPaperShotgun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:38:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire the most insane fucking party and probably die
Rabidleopard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:38:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call Forbes, I now top the list.
InthegrOTTO87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:38:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy Reddit and shut it down for a week just to fuck with you guys
pixelplated ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:39:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably have a heart attack since that's how the universe works.
elheber ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:39:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Use my money to change politics (for the better). I'd literally use my money to take money out of politics. Although I'd have to figure out the details, I'd lobby enough congressmen to: 1) replace FPP with Instant Runoff, 2) do away with gerrymandering, 3) require all political funding to be completely transparent.
Then I'd offer to pay the first one or two years of a single-payer healthcare system for the country provided it is enacted for at least ten years after that.
Now nearly broke, I'd live off of the last millions as a recluse in the mountains. I would be writing books nobody will ever read, making indie games nobody will ever play, and painting art nobody will ever see.
Generic_AZN ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:39:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably have an innumerable amount of std's by the end of the day tbh
BoogieToSomeMarvin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:39:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay my mama's house off. Finish college. Travel to every last country on the earth.
jafik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:39:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a financial lawyer
DaveTheRaveyah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:40:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wonder how fucked over I'm going to get by exchange rate changes
pics-or-didnt-happen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:40:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
buy an island.
TheGlennDavid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:40:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Play Sim City with wherever I decide to live. Buy out a huge percentage of ground level retail/restaurant spaces. Close the ones I don't like, and only rent to tenants I want.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:40:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not tell anybody.
jevchance ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:40:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy myself something fun, invest a little, set my family up, then go about making the world a better place.
Bendersass ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:41:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
After making myself comfortable with a nice house and steady interest etc. I would start producing films that I really want to see done right like Avatar the last airbender and maybe a Legend of Zelda film. I would be he guy who wouldn't mind taking a loss as long as the franchises got the films they deserve.
wooq ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:41:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a bigger house and a new car, maybe a few toys, invest the rest for retirement.
null0route ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:41:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would let a single tear roll down my cheek knowing that overnight my mere $1100 in savings inflated to over $1T indicating a complete economic collapse of the world's economy.
ThandiGhandi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:42:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
buy congress
bestjakeisbest ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:42:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
probably wait a week and see what happens.
abi992 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:42:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably sleep for another hour.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:42:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a president.
cottoncandyjunkie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:42:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cry
tarzan322 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:42:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off all debts, hire a contractor and fix my house, buy a new car or 4, invest, invest, invest, and do whatever I want after that.
you_are_breathing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:42:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call the bank to see if that was an error. If it's somehow legit, then I'd transfer some money to an overdraft account then close that account as a fuck you to the bank for charging me $30 for overdrawing.
TheManInsideMe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:42:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire security. Hire a lawyer. Take care of my family and friends. Buy a company I don't like and fix them. Buy a company I don't like and leave all of them destitute. Buy one really stupid thing. Donate a lot of it. Mess with Donald Trump in whatever way I can think of, probably by finding out how much he's worth then always making sure Rosie O'Donnell has one dollar more than him. Die in a drone strike when he loses his mind and has me killed.
Quick1711 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:43:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Live without any stress forever. Money can't buy happiness but it sure can rent it from time to time.
krocidius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:43:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i would buy a new bed because mines making me hallucinate.
dualcitizen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:43:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put half aside for future use. Setup a meeting with Elon Musk and Bill Gates to determine opportunities for dramatically improving life/sustainability for the worlds population. Hire a team of reputable financial advisers.
captainme007 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:43:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy my mama a house.
theMAJORKANG ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:43:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Install fiber in my city.
Dovister ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:44:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give a small loan of 100m dollars to my son
rahsftw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:44:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably hide it and live my life as normal.
kingbobofyourhouse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:44:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With 990 billion of it I would start a private foundation of non-politicians that looked at how to properly educate kids and then have them implement it countrywide, for free. With the other 10 billion I'd buy an island and go live on it.
scaledriver ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:44:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would build a small affordable home that would be solar and half the price of normal homes. It would be a model for environmental living in a world with a changing climate. Then I would go back to work.
FalafelBiscuit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:45:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But a huge plot of land. Build all of my family and friends their dream houses. Helicopter for everyone. Big private plane. Best security around. Everyone takes their dream trip.
Set aside 50 b to keep up our lifestyle.
Split the rest. Half goes into a private foundation, half to a nonprofit political organization.
Buy the Koch brothers.
Buy lobbyists to reverse citizens united, invest in public education, reform the healthcare system, invest in renewables, etc.
Give grants to arts and sciences.
And lots of naps.
shradicalwyo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:45:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy one of the 20 million dollar ranches for sale here, buy a condo right in town.
Buy whatever land I could from the greedy people in this community and actually build affordable housing for the community.
Then you know... buy the ski resort or something.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:45:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off everything for my parents and close relatives. Build a house with a large garage. Buy myself some motorised toys. Travel. Begin strongarming politicians. Change canadian voting system Begin working towards being the first mining company in space. Name my first ship USG ISHIMURA for shits and giggles
-brownsherlock- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:45:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm going to be honest. Always wanted a three girl blowie that would be my first spend.
Lebagel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:46:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I actually woke up with ยฃ50000 ($65kish) in my bank account one day. Given at the time this would have constituted about 2 years salary it was obviously quite a shock.
Turns out my Grandma had accidentally sent it to me and I had to send it back.
High_Guardian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:46:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy fuck tons of land, with the intention of preservation. Probably start a huge ass solar farm and create my own mobile network.
I'd live in a small house and still drive my scrappy cars though.
Eexoduis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:46:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Flood the consumer economy with my newfound capital, thereby causing rampant inflation and ruining the aggregate demand-supply curve in the US.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:46:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest in 3d printed houses and cube stackable houses and build them for the needy/homeless in the US and abroad.
aMusicLover ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:46:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Owe a few hundred trillion on my mortgage.
Bonch_and_Clyde ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:46:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time.
Tired8281 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:46:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same thing I would have done anyways...pack my shit and go up to visit my parents. Lots of money in no way removes my obligations to my family, especially as they get older.
skyleach ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:47:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
begin my journey down a long road of pissing a whole lot people off
SenorSwagDaddy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:47:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lawyer up, hit the gym buy Facebook
maralieus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:47:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start using my newfound power to fuck up some shit...in a way thats good for the people.
UrbanPrimative ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:47:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start a superPAC named Actually United Citizens with the express purpose of overturning Citizens United.
With my NEXT Trillion...
Kinosha ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:47:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd get a nice, large house with a pool, allow all of my friends to live with me, get ourselves nice cars, and just...be happy I guess.
Just because I'd have $1,000,000,000,000 doesn't mean I need to spend all of it. Just enough of it to be happy.
TheInsaneDump ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:47:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off everyone's student loan debt. Support research and causes that increase food productivity and quality of life. Have a little left over for myself to not worry about the simple things.
BobbyHillsPurse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:48:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to the Dollar Store and be like "All of it"
sb120985 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:48:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tell no one. Talk to a law firm with a named associate.
Harm3r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:48:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give everything to Elon Musk and secure first place on mars. I just want to see titty buildings before i die
Prometheus_II ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Watch in horror as the economy crashes, because locking 1 trillion dollars into one place is going to severely damage whatever currency the trillion is in.
Assuming somehow that it's not going to do that, though, I'd begin buying up stock in various oil and gas companies and getting them to diversify into green energy. While doing that, I'd also be putting large amounts of money into lobbying for more sanctions on coal/oil and more resources into green energy. With pressure from both sides on the oil companies, hopefully they'd make the financially smart choice and start working on green energy themselves - the tech's all there, it's just a matter of persuading them to adopt it. I'd even start financing parts of it myself if need be. Once green energy is flourishing and coal/oil is on the way out, I'd probably have significantly less money, but STILL a few billion left plus stock in the energy companies that are flourishing in nuclear/solar/wind power. I'd buy a small island somewhere up north, build a comfortable house there, and live comfortably on the billion I have left for the rest of my life, content that I've done everything I can to make the world last a bit longer.
Johnisfaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Become a lobbyist.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably go to some insanely awesome resort with a few of my friends would probably be the first thing I'd do. Then I'd live an insanely rich lifestyle until I get depressed an inevitably kill myself.
TeaSwiz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Disney. All of Disney.
YoureGonnaHateMeALot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy land.
Siphyre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would spend a billion of it on castle clash gems. Then another billion on Runescape Bonds, Then another billion on Some other MMO then a house big enough to hide in without much effort.
Oh and spend the rest on research on making a couple hundred real fire breathing flying dragons.
Av1ate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Smoke a bowl, watch Netflix
thedcaff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a garage, equip it with ALL of the tools. Learn how to be a mechanic, and have a stable of motorcycles that I can ride wherever/whenever I want. Perfect carpentry, and outfit a modest house with beautiful handcrafted furniture that I made myself. Buy a dive bar. Then probably figure out which charities deserve/can handle copious amounts of money. United Way/Boys and Girls Club are at the top of that list.
Oh, this is after I've taken care of all the legal stuff to make sure my family will be taken care of for a couple generations.
FupeLiasco23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to school. Get a car and helllllll a weed.
seeyounorth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:50:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Keep some, spend some, make my friends and family billionaires.
Travel the world.
Donate my leftovers when I pass.
biesterd1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:50:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start a dog sanctuary for
hundredsthousands of doggosNepFurrow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:50:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spend $500b funding education and buying media/television companies to change attitudes in this country (specifically the south) to reverse the anti-intellectual movement and encourage the government to serve the people (global warming research, increased social services, better tax systems, a revised bill of rights incl right to choose, privacy, etc). Spend another few hundred billion on real estate. Buy a yacht and sail the world in the meantime, directing the above from my sweet yacht command center.
Also I'd buy Disney. Because I need advanced Star Wars screenings, damn it.
pripadKO ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:50:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I will get a cool house, food and a car.
ratlordgeno ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:50:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep in.
0o_o0o_o0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:50:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the Miami Marlins.
jlaux ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:50:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire a financial expert, who will probably tell me to invest the majority of it, which I will. I'll start up charity projects across the world, such as providing clean water and shelter to those who are less fortunate.
StudJBagel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:51:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a saxophone
KingTwix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:51:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ok here's what I'm doing: Buying myself my dream car: rolls Royce wraith. Maybe something else. I know I wouldn't need to go to school if I had a trillion dollars but I want to. So I'd pay for my undergrad and grad schools. I'd buy off my parents debt, give them a nice house and nice cars. Pay for my brothers college, friends college, get my girlfriend a new car and house, and donate the rest to charity
AnonymousPirate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:51:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So much less.
mynameiszack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:51:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everybody gets $100!
CaptainLawyerDude ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:51:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I suspect I'd be murdered or held indefinitely by a government.
NormanKnight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:52:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Congress.
Buy Fox and make Keith Olberman the publisher in charge.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:52:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd try really hard to remember what I did in my ambien induced state the night before to get 1 trillion dollars.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:52:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put egg into my Ramen. Live a little.
bradeo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:52:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy an island and live on it, make the house hurricane proof
CostaBuck1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:52:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Develops a coke addiction
101qst101 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
book a one way ticket to some place far away and hitchhike home.
TheTurdFlinger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Find a way to spend $30million every day for the rest of my life.
Benjewlici0us97 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my student loans, put 10 bil into a bank account somewhere buy a new car, house and a 1954 telecaster and a 1952 gold top les paul.
Then I'd put the rest of it to solving the world's problems
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have it exchanged into the currency of my country
Imaginemedragonmybal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tell the police I found 999 billion in my house
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd move to New Zealand and build my own Shire. I'd live like a Hobbit to the end of my days. I'd have houses built for all of my family and friends, keep enough money to ensure my little Shire never wanted for anything, invest some for my children and their future children, and then I would donate the rest to various charities/organizations, especially to help NASA and Elon Musk put people on Mars and explore the universe. I'd donate to provide everyone on the planet clean water, plenty of food, access to education, birth control/family planning/reproductive health and information and such, and then I would just check the fuck out.
ultimate_being ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
quit job, quit school, play games, make music and art, buy a nice house, help all my close friends and family with whatever they need. money doesn't necessarily buy happiness but it does buy free time.
HarryboChutney ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:54:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy a yacht and sail around the world.
KetzerJefe343 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:54:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
pay off my debts then just live the rest of my life. maybe get a job to occupy my time so that i don't go crazy
thinkdeep ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:54:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time.
Mastered-Yi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:54:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:54:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lose half of it to taxes.
WoldunTW ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:55:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make sweet, passionate love to it. Then cuddle it and cry.
wateredmalone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:55:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Be skeptical
aheedthegreat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:55:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wonder what it means to truly live now that I'd be able to.
Adewotta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:55:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would destroy the economy because I can practically buy anything and everything
Tminusfour20 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:56:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would create a post on reddit saying "Comment on this post for reddit gold" every single person that comments on that post until it's offered will receive reddit gold. Might just break reddit.
Clit-Licker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:56:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep in. Hire martial arts masters to train me for self defence reasons. Work towards a Phd. Arm my house with secret doors to hiding rooms, hidden weapons everywhere. Live humbly
deadbird17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:56:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The same thing every other rich American does: I'd buy Congress.
ZeFu_Akimbo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:56:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A lot of hookers and cocain #youcantdothat
WithATrebuchet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time, man
Dracon_Pyrothayan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my loans
And then with the remainder... I dunno. Buy a Big Mac?
ClashmanTheDupe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
buy a vita memory card
Killer_schatz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy a few countries.
Bradddddders ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
See if there is anywhere I can exchange them for GBP.
hiyawaffa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For sure financial advisors and attorneys are needed. I always thought that if I won millions in lottery I would follow the rule of 3/third. Invest a third, save a third and spend a third. But a trillion dollars puts things into a different perspective. Maybe invest three quarters and have the last quarter to spend on what ever. The gains from interest with three quarters of a trillion dollars are more than enough to live off of I'm sure.
Raceface53 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think about this a lot but with 100mil so I'll have to expand with this much extra dough.
Buy Palo Alto
Offer all friends and people I generally like to pick a house and move there with me
Throw a giant Gatsby like party (with many body guards and security make it safe and people must sign a legal document so no one can sue for anything that happens there)
Buy my husband and family anything they want and give them each several millions for whatever they wish to spend it on
Donate a shit load to many charities
Create the worlds largest animal sanctuary in order to save as many pups, kittens ext as I can
Invest millions into cancer and Alzheimer's cure research
Pay off all my debts
Create a trust fund for my daughter and include lots of gold
Throw a parade for bunnies
Visit Ireland and Scotland (the land of my Heritage)
I could go on forever but those are the things I think about the most.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:58:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a big sack of dope, order Dominos and take the day off.
powerpi314 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:58:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my debt. Go into hiding.
DrunkM0nkey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:58:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay for the best schooling possible, major in politics, economics, and biology. Go find a country to buy and rule, lead them to become a world superpower and lead the world to a new green revolution. Don't want to leave a fucked up planet for our future generations to worry about and fix.
wildmonkeymind ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:58:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Form a trust. Buy a huge swath of land somewhere with a decent amount of rainfall, build a house.
Financially take care of the dreams of all of my friends and family. Retreat to my house, live a quiet life free from financial burdens and obligations.
In_Yo_Mouf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:58:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drive a CAT D10 over my bosses truck and take a shit on his bed.
yeastrolls ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
free chicfila for everybodyyyyy. then buy a national park's worth of land.
prideradio ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
probably shart... like I normally do every morning and then wake up and ask for my bottle
cH1AnTI ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start my own space agency and go to fucking Mars for the holidays.
Losokevi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If my mom was still alive I feel like I would have a million answers to this question. My goal was to always grow up and be able to give her the world plus more but now that she's gone I don't even think I'd know the first thing to buy with that type of money.
8ack_Space ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy an island, set it up with high speed internet, isolate myself.
Then, spend the rest of my life funding scientific research for inserting my consciousness into a computer, spared no expense.
...As I type this, I realize I'm a James Bond villain. Just need my funding.
10lbs_of_foreskin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to work, shit directly on bosses desk and peace out like rick James on way put the door. Then would immediately enroll in school, take all the classed I like with some financial classes in top.
Whatareyasaying ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would go buy a Caesar salad somewhere
sobrique ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, I'm afraid I'd start a little big greedy - I'd buy myself some space and somewhere comfortable to live.
But then, I'd sit and think really hard about how I wanted to change the world.
I mean, we are talking at about the order of magnitude you'd need to end poverty entirely.
https://www.visionofearth.org/economics/ending-poverty/how-much-would-it-cost-to-end-extreme-poverty-in-the-world/
But I might be leaning a bit more towards 'funding education, for everyone everywhere':
https://borgenproject.org/price-educate-world/
So my trillion would get used up quite quickly. But still - 3 years worth of education for everyone.
Sorry. My trillion probably isn't going to be enough. But it's a start.
Derpazor1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:00:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take my hard-working immigrant parents on a much needed vacation
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:00:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Open a charity with like 300 billion dollars so I don't feel guilty about all the hookers and cocaine I would have 2 hours later. r
Stomish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:00:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd go to the volvo dealer, tell them to fix everything, hand them a blank check, and buy a copious amount of cars
KorbenDallas11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:00:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stop giving a fuck about anything that currently causes me duress.
Trezomnar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:00:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's a surprise. Someone give me the cash and I'll let you know. ๐
sniperhare ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:01:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd start buying houses and land all over the place. I love Jacksonville, I would call up Khan and get the ball rolling on helping to renovate downtown and revitalize the city core.
And see if he'd let me be a minority owner of the Jaguars.
No idea what I'd do next, probably keep going to school and work towards something more along the Finance side of things. Start a non profit and a few companies.
I'd love to buy a neighborhood, rennovate the homes and see how many friends and family I can get to move in and live rent free.
That way we could all look out for and help each other out and we'd have kickass block parties every year.
Fuck living in a mansion in a private castle. I'd want to be near friends and family.
I would look into buying country estates all around the US. So I could get away to different climates and have a lot of land for future developments.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:01:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give all but 10 billion to Bill Gates foundation
G3NOM3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:02:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would open a non-profit, affordable online university that would allow everyone to take courses for between $30 and $50 per credit hour.
Then I would buy SpaceX and personally find mankind's diaspora to the inner Solar system.
I would buy the patents to as many lifesaving drugs as possible and make them open source.
Finally, with the change left over I would try to end poverty, hunger and homelessness.
Dr-Rev-Prof-Beckman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:02:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd withdraw it all, but it's weight in gold, and bury it in my backyard.
JohnnyOnslaught ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:02:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start my own country.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:02:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy at least three things on amazon. Then wake up the next morning and realize I could do literally anything.
Vanheden ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:03:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Most likely slip on a banana peel and die right around breakfast time.
johnnypalace ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:03:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time
polarbearGr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:03:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably start doing more voluntary work since I'll have a ton more extra time and finally start all the projects I wanted that money held back.
Redrider20017 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:03:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make a youtube ad saying "just got 500 new lamborghini's here"
lonethunder69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:03:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well first order of business would be to wake up, put on my finest "country club" clothes, drive my shitbox car to the Subaru dealership and get the nicest Forester they have because it's the perfect car for me. Then I'd go have the most expensive brunch my city can offer, followed by afternoon cocktails resulting in a mild mamosa induced day buzz.
Afterwards, I'd go to the snooty high-end men's clothing store that kicked me out once because I was wearing a ratty military jacket and buy it. The whole damn store. And then make the employee that kicked me out kiss my shoes while I did a jig. The image of him chasing my feet and occasionally getting kicked in the face is what I want. I'd just take the nicest suit they have because I'm the owner and it's a total power move. I can buy the whole store, but I'm just gonna take the nicest item because fuck you try and stop me.
Then I would get a lawyer and have a long discussion with them just so I can figure out the rules of being a 0.01% wealthy cunt.
Then I would go back home, slap my shitty roommates in the face with a stack of $100 bills and inform them that I bought the house, making me king. They now have to refer to me as "your highness" or "my liege" exclusively. I would then call a moving company to come pack up all my important stuff and get it ready because my next move is to buy mansions in every country in the world. Even one in Antarctica. Well, it would be more like a super villain hideout, but that's just because of the magnitude of the house and location.
After buying the properties, I would offer my parents and brother one, or any house/car/thing they want. We'd all go on a trip as well, eventually. I'm a sucker for family. Then I'd basically just work my way into every billionaire function for the rest of my life and just be a complete asshole to every rich asshole I meet, making fun of them as I see fit. Doing things like calling zuckerberg a poor nerd, I'd buy Facebook and rule social media with an iron fist. I'd implement a mechanic where if you can't pass a basic grammar test you can't even get a Facebook account. Then I'd buy buzzfeed and dismantle the entire organization.
The rest I would probably invest and put towards the dismantling of fossil fuels and creating a renewable energy system in whichever country I end up liking the most.
Sage_of_the_6_paths ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:03:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire an accountant or assistant to help me keep track of everything. I'd fix up my family's current house in New Jersey. Buy a nice apartment somewhere around San Diego or LA. Buy a nice apartment in New York City. Travel to every country (except for obvious ones like Best Korea and Iran). Invest some of it into some form of business. Donate a couple million to a couple different charities.
Zibob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:03:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not tell anyone. Say I got a job and move out. Then just chill and probably destroy my body with all sorts of poisons I could not afford before. Build a new PC. All the general good living things. Nothing crazy.
Aurify ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:03:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy Overwatch and a computer to run it on. Then I'd probably go to Milan or Barcelona.
jrwperformance ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:04:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give most of it away.
derpado514 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:04:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I could probably wipe every single canadian's debt and have billions left over...
Charity, philanthropy...your options are endless really...If you wanted to be a dictator, who's gonna stop you, the guy without a trillion dollars? HA! I'll have a throne made of fucking yellowcake!
Wow, that took a wrong turn somewhere...I guess that's why dictators do what they do...
TheDranx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:04:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Move out of the house buy whatever the hell I want.
XLordxInfamousX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:04:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Freak out because I'm now probably on some list the world governments have and will no doubt become a target of murder, espionage, fake love, and door-to-door salesmen.
passivelyaggressiver ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:04:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy my mom a house. Pay out all of my debts and legal issues. Pay out all of my family and friends debts and legal issues. Start marijuana company start up. Center it around job and lifestyle rehabilitation. Attract veterans struggling to adapt back into civilian life. Give them work. A healthy work schedule and environment. Have on location living quarters. Individual rooms. A communal living room with bunks. Different areas for exercise and fitness. Weekly group smoke sessions with open discussion. Hire therapists, counselors, and source mentors for employees. Set up so that turnover is expected by scheduled with the intent of bringing in those at the ends of their perceived ropes and being left out with a new lease on life. A healthier mind and body, a reset daily routine, and money in their pocket. Franchise out. Begin a social reform of communal grow ops making all forms of cannabis products, including hemp products. Develop a culture of acceptance, understanding, and open discussion. Pay it forward every day.
LewixAri ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:05:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probs give a lot to Elon Musk. That dude is way more driven than I can see myself being with that amount of money.
budguy68 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:05:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
probably go on a sex vacation and rent a bunch of young whores. rent out a mansion somewhere that's nice and remote. have a doctor check all the young whores for diseases. go to town. pay them a fair price. get like different races and shit.
Abslance ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:05:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep.
Abslance ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:05:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep.
Crush_xC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:05:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my student loans and get lunch with the money left over!
eaturliver ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:05:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would donate every last penny. I feel like having a trillion dollars would ruin my life.
theboycarrot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:05:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Most of it I would spend on women and drugs.
The rest I would just waste.
Notanyonefamous ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest 1/2 to generate money for charities for veterans, homeless and drug addicts. The other half to spoil my family and closest friends. Maybe buy a massive plot of land to live off the grid along side those closest to me. If the money generated for charities has a solid returns I'd work on opening more hospitals for the shriners as well, or more and better equipment for them. Sorry for formatting, on mobile and in a hurry.
Nerd_Squared ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd watch out for snails. No amount of money comes without the threat of snails.
The420Sloth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Id go to work like a normal day. I wouldent let it take over my life, id dress alittle nicer, buy my dream cars which are practical cars and just humbley go through life not worrying about a thing other than what dope shit i can do whenever i want. Dumbest thing to do when you acquire alot of money is adjust to the lifestyle and that's how you fuck up.
Megonomix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay for pipe repairs in Flint MI
Chinateapott ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my mum and dads debts for them, give them a bit extra.
Flatline_hun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wake up again.
tedwinaslowsby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My mom would still want to use coupons and get rewards points.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
go to the bank and change them into Euros
DirkLimpwood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd quit my job immediately, sleep for a week, and donate 9/10ths of it to random charities.
redraptor06 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start planning wtf I'm going to do with this shit
MrZDietrich ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Obviously I would put all of my money into designing mecha. All of it. $1t would lead to a hell of a lot of scientific breakthrough, and even if no efficient breakthroughs were made, fuck efficiency I've got a trillion goddamn dollars.
CJ090 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to the hospital
RomanScrub ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy stupid shit
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
go buy a house... any house. just want to get the fuck out of here.
ovimonnu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep....5 more minutes.
jacksonh_56 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy ufc and navy seals to protect me physically and Harvard law school to protect me legally.
SkywolfBloodraven ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:08:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd pay my mom back all the money she spent on me in college, then I'd give my dad the money back he gave me for my house.
Then maybe I'd go get a burrito or something, I don't know.
bookgeek890 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:08:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Live off the interest, finish my internship and degree, be happy in knowing I can get a house wwherever I want/need. After college, just work on my video game I am making until I get bored and then go get a job.
belloch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:08:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd get myself a small apartment, a more or less new car, a new computer and all the software I need for my stuff.
Maybe then I could finally focus on getting my shit together and train my skills for the job I want.
Oh yeah and Nintendo Switch and Zelda BotW. Guess I'd have to focus on that first.
jennatheone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:08:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would make this sum 10 times bigger.
YnonaSoum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:08:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would start a Miracle Centre helping the homeless, oppressed, and anyone needing help.
We would help people find work (probably start a cafe type thing), help them seek treatment, and housing. I would probably start a mini-house community to help with the housing (or an apartment building or two).
Oh and I would buy a large property on the river that would fit multiple homes on it for my family, my step-dad and his wife, my boys, and step brother.
It would change many people's lives!
YNot1989 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:08:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy out SpaceX. Invest my own money into the company to accelerate the human colonial effort for Mars.
AksAnonymous ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:09:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to Vegas. Put it all on black.
PM_ME_GOOD_SONGS_PLS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:09:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Id probably pay off all my immediate family's debt along with mine. Then probably give them each ten billion dollars. After that its time to explore the world!!!!
lawwson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:09:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Live the way I still do, hopefully no one knows I'm that rich. Secretly dish out cash to people in need.
lonethunder69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:09:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now the real follow up question: can you spend $1 trillion in a single day? If so, how?
imperfectchicken ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:09:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Check that it's vaguely legal, because the next thing I'd expect is a knock at the door.
Hobo449 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:09:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Run for president and acquire a bad attitude to ensure my role.
MoleskinsWood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:10:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have a heart attack
Lollosaurus_Rex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:10:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretend I don't have a trillion dollars.
dvallej ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:10:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
hiring an economist to find out how much can i spend a month without screwing the economy, then hiring a lawyer
JJamesP ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:10:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Beat my boss to work so that when he walks into his office he'll see me squatting on his desk, taking a dump, while reading the newspaper.
g0bananas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:10:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a cool building
krazykukoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:10:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy a private island then design and build my own house on it
JustDaniel96 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:10:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Follow my dreams, so buy a home for me, give some of those money to my parents, buy a Tesla model s p100d, get my helicopter pilot license and buy a trip to the Moon from SpaceX. After this i would have used a small part of the money so give some ti charity and love an Amazing Life
littlepanther1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:10:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Leave the fucking country
PM_ME_UR_XYLOPHONES ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:11:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay for the best lawyer in existence to get custody of my kids from my leech of an ex, leave a million dollar check with her and tell her to piss off. buy the best education i can for my girls, ensure they'll be set once i fund a business venture for the two of them at 18. Then buy myself a corvette.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:11:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Become Biff from Back to the Future II.
Freidhiem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:11:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start a commune. Then more communes. And seize the means of production.
silveraith ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:11:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once I've bought everything I really want that currently exists, I'd fund every project I want, support my whole family, friends, and people on the internet whose work I enjoy, and make myself disappear unless I want to be found.
One thing I'd pay as much as needed for would be replacing my entire body with robot parts until I am an immortal brain piloting a hunk of metal, then continue to upgrade myself until my money runs out.
Ace_787 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:11:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy some Starbursts, they sound good right about now.
Viking18 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:11:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Loose it. Fast. Get a really bloody god lawyer, then two more, and a team of PI's to investigate each other. Put enough into separate funds to give myself plenty to live in comfortably, same for close friends, buy many houses all over the country with security, again, working off interest from funds. Then get Elon musk, Stephen hawking, and bill gates in the same room to figure out in what order we're going to fix the planet - whilst I have more money than them, they have more experience with using it for worthwhile purposes, whilst also being rich enough that fleecing me isn't a priority for them. Fix the planet, job done.
Scott-NJr11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:11:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
See my family and close friends alright. Make sure they're set for life and then travel the world.
iP00P85 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:11:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Continue on with my day. Having money is great, but it doesn't change my responsibilities. Though I might stop at Starbucks on my way...
ChocolateSnowflake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:12:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job.
Spread some cash to my family and close friends.
Start looking for a large property to open a dog sanctuary.
Get my arse on a plane somewhere where I can actually see blue sky not grey clouds.
Miseryy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:12:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a majority stock in Apple and Microsoft.
CaptainWarped ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:12:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All the stereotypical stuff of course (house, car, family, charity) but I'd also start my own film studio that would have two purposes. To find and finance projects by those who are disenfranchised by the film industry (POC, LGBT, women) and to remake movies that got severely fucked the first time around (looking at you, Eragon).
wedgiey1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:12:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd become a powerful political lobbyist and represent the interest of the american people. I understand a vote costs around $125 - $250k. Chump change to a trillionaire.
drunkinnmunky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:12:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Save the world, go to space, live my life to the fullest and work for fun doing what I love because hey why not.
PT0wn2208 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:13:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep and think about it later.
Frank-o-stante ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:13:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would be paranoid for decoy snails.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:13:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make a superdrug, then build a colony on mars with robots to staff the citizens. All the refugees can go there, and immigration is no longer an issue. Hell, let's colonize every planet! Can we afford that?
facu7701 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:13:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a Ferrari. Make a video destroying it to make all poor people jealous.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:13:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire a personal cook who can cook sick shit whenever I want.
h0bb1tm1ndtr1x ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:13:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job, invest in green tech, build a ranch house in Montana (or someplace open and green), build a small solar farm nearby, provide jobs to some fine American folk, game, buy/shoot guns, raise a couple German Shepherds and cats, maybe get married and have some kids, call it a good life and live for however long I or my body see fit.
Plazma60 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:14:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off family bills for all of my immediate and extended family and make sure I've got enough in the bank to survive happily until the end of my days (couple billion)
The rest of that money is exclusively "Fuck You" money. Oh hey grocery store I've worked at for two years and has made me completely miserable, it would be a shame if somebody paid every customer to go to the other grocery store across town. They'd have to lock me up, people's lives would become playthings in the might of my wealth.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:14:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate it to charity. I'm boring.
FullmentalFiction ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:14:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay ALL of my debt, then call in sick. I'll give it a month before I quit just to be sure it doesn't disappear just as fast.
After I wake up from my extra sleep, I'll start looking for my dream home and car. I'll then donate half of what's left to charity, and take the other half to live off the interest for the rest of my life.
MaestroPendejo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:14:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terrible things.
SHavens ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:14:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably wonder where the heck it came from and how much trouble I'm going to get into for having it
youmemba ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:14:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
fuck up the world economy
ironclownfish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:15:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Clean energy and free college for everyone. And helicopter lessons for me.
Reign_of_Kronos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:15:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
spend $2 on an iphone app to track spending.
candidly1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:15:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would call Pebble Beach and tell them the Casa Palmeiro Suite is now rented forever; if they say no I buy the whole place. With a place to hang my hat, the plan for world domination could now begin to take shape. Plus. Pebble every morning, Spyglass or Cypress Point every afternoon.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:15:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off mine, my sister's, and my closest friends' student loans. Buy a lifetime supply of food for starving people around the world. Then use my money to promote effective methods of controlling the population this way the world doesn't become overpopulated as a result of my generosity. If I have enough money left, I'll pay for the educations of people around the world, too.
ptd163 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:15:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Assuming that it's USD, create a legally binding contract with the Canadian government that if I pay off 250 billion of their national debt that I'm immune to any and all prosecution in perpetuity.
Then hire bodyguards and lawyers and I'll just live like a king on what I have left.
Smacksmoorsmeemmaam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:15:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take care of my family members for life, pay for myself and my siblings and nephews college, donate some for good karma the live frugally for the rest of my days and only work part time.
epicflyingpie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:16:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest it.
FubarMemesDx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:16:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Convert it into pounds, then lament the sheer amount of inflation caused.
vanillaholler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:16:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd pay off my private school student loans. Then, with the remaining $10k, I would probably buy 3 and a half oh-so-tasty treats from The Cold Stone Creamery.
xeskind30 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:16:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy a TV studio and allow writers/directors/actors to make whatever kinds of shows they want, within reason, and not be like the douche studio execs and micro manage everything.
I would buy or make my own music label and help artists make the music they want and distribute it to make them money. If anybody comes up to me stating they participated/won a singing contest I would kick them out and only hire people that have practiced music without that crap.
pointAndKlik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:16:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate $1 Bn each to 10 different charities, donate $10Bn to scientific research, $10Bn to schools and universities. Build the biggest baddest gaming PC known to man. Pay off my families loans. Buy a house, a boat, a house boat and a plane. Invest the rest.
Nervousemu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:16:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call up my job, tell them I quit, pick up my switch and play BOTW in bed.
Edit*
Hell I'd even write a check to my job for a million bucks just for quitting without the notice.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:16:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drop out of school first of all. Fuck it, I'm in ninth grade, I know all I need to know, fuck this. Buy an amazing pc for programming and gaming. Buy food for my whole family, noone needs to work. Once I'm 18, move out and buy a mansion in Hawaii.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:17:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
probably cry tears of fucking joy and go buy some food
thisisfuckedupman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:17:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy all the things!! And invest the rest in charity businesses.
bluedatsun72 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:17:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go on reddit to brag about it, then start a RE empire.
Sabres00 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:17:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy all the old homes in Niagara Falls NY, tear them down, then plant trees.
Bongfather ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:17:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start construction on De-salination plant for LA. Water problems gone
hallofgamer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:17:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ten million for each sibling and the rest divided up equally and given out to everyone in the world starting with the poorest
imanAholebutimfunny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:17:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
buy a bunch of hookers and cocaine
Zenbabe_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:17:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put 10k in envelopes and track down my favorite old teachers and hand it to them.
Found some of the best schools in the world, around the world, and admit students based on merit.
Do Elon Musk shit.
Get the best gaming/home theater system money can buy.
Travel the world on $20 a day and let the rest of my money sit there because I would destroy the world economy if I tried to spend any significant portion of it.
ultimaterufffles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:17:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give 100 billion to NASA give 600 billion to charity buy black tar heroin with the rest
SlendAmanZA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:17:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, I'd buy a Toyota Landcruiser and continue studying medicine (but without financial stress)
Rjacobs914 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:17:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everyones mom. Even Troys
lesbian420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:18:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my parents debt, pay off my student loans, buy a new car, buy a house, quit my job, and adopt four dogs and a cat and then just chill the fuck out for like ever
orionat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:18:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldn't be able to spend it all myself, so, give some away to friends and fam, donate some and then live comfortably and travel until I die
Thatkidwithaspergers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:18:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
After the trickle in the bucket that would be finding every video game known to man, and making sure my friends and family are set for life, I'd try to help out my government's debts.
Gregjonesiii ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:18:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go straight to the Hospital because I'm definitely hallucinating
LonelyLokly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:18:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
fix goddamn roads in my city.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:19:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
>move to US, use money to get green card
>buy SO MANY GUNS
>taunt r/canadaguns relentlessly with pics of my awesome guns
nenzkii ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:19:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give 0.3 trillion to my parents, 0.1 trillion to be shared among my siblings and spend the rest on building charity foundations.
Just kidding. I'll spend all of them on booze and drugs.
trailless ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:19:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Order the largest, most comfortable bed and go back to sleep. Fuck it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:19:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cover college tuition, get a dope car, pay off mortgage for parents, build a new PC.
FairyOfTheStars ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:19:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off all our debt. Mortgage, medical bills, student loans. Make sure my mom gets the dental work she needs; also the foot care and other doctors we could never afford to see. Buy food.
Figure out a way to make a career. Advance myself and become smart enough to work with the creative minds of people like Elon Musk and Bill Gates. Give back in a sustainable way that actually makes a difference. And when all is said and done, be able to be alone and in peace doing some yoga in my house. Being grateful my mum doesn't have to break her back figuring out how we'll survive the month.
ItsJustReeses ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:19:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to work because I thought I was broke until my next paycheck.
oMETjet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:20:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the US Presidency
Donnelly182 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:20:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Immediately destabilise the economy.
dazedone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:20:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off all my debt. Get a decent sized house, decent car. Have a wedding with everyone I want there. Go on a 1 month long honeymoon. Maybe buy a weedshop or grow operation and manage that so I have something to do with my free time. Get the tuba I've wanted for a few years and learn how to play it.
Follow my dreams in other words.
DeMatt31 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:20:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll tell you what I'd do man. Two chicks at the same time man
AlexB-_- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:20:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make sure that wealth around the world was fairly distributed and that people had the basics tomlive happily in every country. Free education, healthcare, water and energy.
OfficialPizzaa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:20:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Destroy the economy and give every person in the world 10 million
neihuffda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:30:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now we're talking;)
xxkoloblicinxx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy America.
Like all of it.
It's hard to fathom just how much money a trillion dollars is.
promixr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would the trillion dollars be right there in bed with me, like in bearer bonds or something? Because a trillion, actual, 1 dollar bills would not fit in my room.
Vault92FTW ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ryzen 7 1800x...SLI 1080 Ti... MacBook Pro 2016. That's all! Then I'd go out and treat my family +friends. Pay off the rest of my college. Pay off my best friends college. Buy my dad a car. But my mom and stepdad the beautiful home that they want so bad. With 1 trillion it'd be really hard to blow it all. There'd be a limit on just how happy I could make myself with new items...spending it to make the people around me happier would be amazing.
FuckerMan011 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
call da popo
TimtheBigDaddy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Help my parents buy the house we're currently renting, help them pay off ALL of the bills, buy my dad a new car (He needs one.) by myself a custom built gaming PC with the latest hardware, buy myself a new computer desk and chair as well as a new mouse, a mechanical keyboard and a gaming headset and some nice speakers.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Trump Tower and make it into a homeless shelter.
SnugglesTheBean ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to Chipotle and add guac to my burrito and then donate 99% of it
jykeous ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd invest 95% of it. The remaining 5%, $50B, would be my own that I could do whatever I want with and live an extravagant lifestyle. The returns on the 95% investment would be for I and my descendants to be used at our digression. The returns would be split between (about) 30% to charities, 30% for my descendants' personal use, and 40% to be reinvested.
aqouta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a private island.
Build a dope ass house on it with a hanger for aircrafts in order to visit other countries.
don't ever visit other countries
shitpost on reddit.
invest $998 Billion of the $999 Billion I have left in cool shit I want more of like Musk's projects and some cool startups. As well as any research targeting illnesses that run in my family.
enjoy still having a Billion dollars of fuck off money.
grumpetcrumpet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy every house in the Santa Monica mountains/Hollywood hills. Then demolish them and let nature reclame it then give it to the California state park service (federal might just sell it) and keep a parcel of land to build my house a futuristic cross between the Hagia Sofia and a Roman villa with a glass dome. If I have extra do the same to the San franando valley.
brperry ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd hire a lawyer, and start spreading it around.
"Dear sir, an interested third party who wishes to remain anonymous has taken an interest in you, and has asked me on their behalf to bequeath to you 100 million dollars after taxes in order to better your life. the only condition is that you do not attempt to find the identity of your benefactor. You may discuss your good fortune, but not pursue the source."
I would then give the money to friends and family, and stage a gift to myself. then we could all live like kings, and no-one would be jealous of my greater fortune. then I'd take some of it and try to you know cure cancer or something.
BigJimcrowseye ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my student loan, maybe get breakfast with the change
EvanTabler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://youtu.be/YD3RNouwvOU
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit uni, give some to my family, get my friend out of uni and live copmfortably, probably move to the US or Canada, live my life happily
RangerSkip ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I work all day tomorrow, so I'd spend all my downtime researching and planning.
Orangeswork ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate to a local program called Austin's House, that helps foster children find safe and proper homes. Pay taxes on said trillion. Fly to New York, and eat a Kobe Burger. I think that's reasonable.
Snuffy1717 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:23:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wonder what I was doing in Zimbabwe...
Jitzhu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:23:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drop out of college
littlescrapdog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:24:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job immediately! Expedite our wedding since we'd no longer have to wait a year to save up for it. Travel around the world. Open my own animal shelter. Donate to various animal and animal-prosthetic agencies. Create a memorial for my dad who passed away two years ago. Design and build our dream house. Have children now that we don't need to stress over how we can afford children...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:24:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Throw enough money at the worlds problems to solve them.
Global warming? Here Mr Scientist, have 50 billion, solve that for me.
Poor children starving? Here, all of you go get a burger.
Funding for space programs? Here you go, go and do that.
In all seriousness I wouldn't know who to give money to to solve issues. So many people would be clamouring for it, all claiming to be able to do the things I want but I wouldn't be able to tell. Maybe I'd buy a guy to sort that out for me. And a guy to ensure that guy is all good.
joenottoast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:24:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
probably give a bunch away to homeless animal/human shelters and some good bros, then make people i hate feel shitty (i would allocate a decent amount towards this), then disappear forever where i csn only be found (or reached) by people i like
kuroikawa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:24:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay of all my debts. Give mom and dad some money as thanks for being there my whole life. I would donate money to organizations i like. Then i would save the rest and finnish my university education without money problems. Then find a job i like.
B0h1c4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:24:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The first thing I would do is give my wife $500 billion. I never want to question why she's with me and I never want to be in a situation where I'm not held accountable by someone.
liberated_mortal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:24:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job and go back to sleep
Batm0m ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:25:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd switch lawyers, get the best one in the state, I love my current lawyer but I'd definitely go all out if I had the money. I'd get my daughter back from my stbx who took her and then I'd make good on the supposed threats, that I never actually made, to take her and leave and I'd move us somewhere safe and beautiful away from that awful man.
CorneliusHelius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:25:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cry
iamjomos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:25:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly I'd probably still work. I would get so bored after a few months of doing nothing. I would tell people I came into a little bit of money, not say how much. Maybe start dabbling with real estate and flipping houses, since I'm already in construction. I'd pay off my moms mortgage and renovate the fuck out of it, amd get her out of that POS Rav4 and buy her an Explorer Platinum or somethin like that. I would then pay a hobo to unleash 1000 crickets on top of my dads girlfriend every single day for the rest of her life. Lastly, invest a shitload in cancer treatment since I can't seem to stop smoking cigarettes
dSolver ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:25:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Purchase a piece of land from a powerful government (US, Canada, etc), set it as my own sovereign state, bunker up, build utopia. Loan money to allied states for resources. With whatever money is left, build a company to create a VR MMO, and populate it with my citizens.
delirium_trigger2001 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:25:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would be really happy because I would be able to live off of that money for the rest of my life, have the money to have a lifetime supply of food and weed.
Random-Miser ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:25:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 girls at the same time.
Burritozi11a ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:25:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Taxes
MaidMilk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:25:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I had unlimited funds (and I think $1T is close enough), I would grab my pets, pack up my jewelry, my computers/hard drives/gadgets, plus maybe four other items.
Then I would burn my house to the ground.
I wouldn't file an insurance claim. No insurance fraud or whatever. Burning without a permit is like the worst case scenario.
Then I'd build my dream house, and stop accumulating "things" once and for all.
God I hate everything I own except the mattress I sleep on and the actual walls and roof that keep me out of the elements.
So angry right now.
Burn it.
RigbyThePower ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:25:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Open a bar at the center of the earth
Raynman1020 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:25:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give me family enough money so they can live comfortably, tip every server at least $500,000, Start a record label, build studios, and probably buy a large pizza.
Cubanbs2000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:25:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lure Trump away from the presidency like you would with a puppy.
ABCosmos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:26:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Consult bill gates, make sure I do good and don't destroy the economy.
If he doesn't have all the answers, he probably knows people who do.
GregBackwards ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:26:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everything.
--Hello_World-- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:26:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I usually say invest in posts like these but I doubt I could spend a trillion dollars even if I tried. I'd honestly just love a laid back life. Don't tell anyone about the money, quit my job, find a nice town, and work on my cars as much as I want. I could travel when I felt like it but that would be about it.
idejtauren ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:26:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off debts.
Pay off parents' debts.
Buy my own house.
And then figure out what to do.
renega88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:26:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think anyone needs that much to be comfortable. I would make sure I had the things I needed. A nice dependable car. A nice house for my family to grow in with a little bit of land to farm. A few implements and a tractor to take care of it all.
Then I would invest in a few business ventures to have an income stream for in case anything went south.
Besides keeping a couple million as a cushion the rest would be divided up into deserving sources. I would create a nice cushion for my friends and family. And the rest would go to help people start there own businesses and become financially independent.
I don't want a huge house that is impossible to keep clean or an expensive car I'm afraid will get torn up. And I don't want my daughter to grow up not knowing how to take care of herself without loads of cash.
bearslikeapples ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:27:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
go back to bed of course. I'm set
2_minutes_in_the_box ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:27:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate half. Live the life of luxury.
Fisherking76 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:27:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would throw a giant party, and invest the last 10000,-
Alligator_bait ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:27:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Waste most of it and then probably kill myself
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:27:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make sure all my friends and family are set๐๐ผ๐ช๐ผ
com2kid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:27:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Exxon Mobil, BP, and Chevron, and whoever owns the most coal power plants. Start funding politicians who are pro-environment, change the entire national dialog.
Of the remaining $300 billion, use 10 Billion to launch a worldwide environmental awareness advertising campaign. Hire whoever did the anti-smoking campaign in the 90s, that shit worked yo.
Spend another 10 billion buying off every politician in every major country around the world.
A 100 billion to subsidize the living crap out of electric cars.
Spend another 20 or so billion to build a few Hyperloops. All up and down the west coast of the US, and then solve the east coast's transit problems as well. Boston to NY should be 30 minutes tops folks.
tehdancingpanda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:27:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy Shark Tank and laugh at them because I have so much money I invested in an investing show.
l0calher0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:28:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:28:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
wonder where my other $99 trillion was
http://i.imgur.com/jKUx9Wp.jpg
Apollo335 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:28:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a huge plot of land, hire animal based experts, open sanctuary for injured / can't survive in wild animals
im_am_a_loser ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:28:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Knowing me id probably die from the shock .
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:29:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't realize I would actually probably do this until I read your comment... I mean fuck money has to come from some place right... There's probably som very angry people who want it back
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:29:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
relax when thinking about my future, cause the possibilities would be endless
Survivedtheapocalyps ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:29:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would purchase the Mercedes-Benz dealership where I work. Once it is done, I would immediately fire all the worthless dead weight ass fucks that work here and replace them with people who actually do their job. Then I would buy an amazing house sitting in the middle of at least 500 acres. I would have a garage full of every car I have ever wanted. My friends and family would never have to work or worry about money again.
Also, lots of drugs
HemHaw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:29:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a bunch of politicians.
Once I have that, defund a lot of the military (not the VA). Use the budget to give Americans universal healthcare, and free higher education. Then get a law passed that declares internet access a human right, along with net neutrality, and allow it to become a taxpayer funded project.
Then I repeal the parts of the NFA that restricts guns with weird arbitrary rules. Then change the background check system to be accessible to anyone through a smartphone app.
TL;DR: I would make America great again.
Dreadsin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:29:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a Nintendo switch.
I am a simple man.
SonofTreehorn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:29:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make some delicious coffee, kiss my wife, fart, maybe go for a walk.
cyberbeast41 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:29:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give up my job for a while, do a trip around the world, buy a Ferrari and build myself a victorian house with home arcade. I'd also buy a themepark.
Ubuntusauras ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:29:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the Nintendo Switch.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:30:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to work and act like I was before...Any body else actually like their job like me?
tractor_fart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:30:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably look in disbelief at my bank account. Then call my boss tell him i wont be showing up to work because i have a trillion dollars. Tell my parents they dont need to work anymore. Pay off the remaining mortgage on my parents house. Buy them a new nice one. Fly to miami w/ my SO and Go car shopping for a nice car.
Or buy every property in NYC. And attempt to govern it
lolplayerem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:30:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ruin world economy?
ram-rom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:30:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd start buying more computer games.
Probably do daily give a ways. Get tired of doing the give a ways myself. Hire someone to do it for me.
With that much money, you would get to a point where you have to sit and think of shit to spend it on.
carrohan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:30:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Goliad_stormo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:30:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Keep attending class and working to achieve my educational goals but only after putting the money into a high interest savings account. I don't want to abandon all my hard work just because I can, at least not right away. Get a good education in case shit hits the fan.
I_AM_CALAMITY ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:30:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Immediately buy loads of puts on whatever currency it appeared in.
Beard_of_Valor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:31:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd make a new, better secondary ed system, rife with apprenticeships.
Salsentorishka ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:31:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give my mom $99 Million then cash out $100,000, lie on top of it and have it rain and post a photo of that scene on the gram with the caption money trees is the perfect place for shade and that's just how i feel.
someramdomguy12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:31:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give people small loans
Rancerle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:31:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey guys! Guess what I just bought! That's right; The United States Legislative branch! They all suddenly saw the value of a single payer insurance system after their reelection campaigns were all funded by a single payer.
_user_name_taken_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:31:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go online clothes shopping, without sorting by 'price low to high'.
TheXenophobe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:31:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a Nintendo switch and breath of the wild, play it to completion
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:31:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Share my wealth with family and close friends
derfw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:32:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Read that one Reddit post about what to do if you won the lottery.
Alimster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:32:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I probably would finish my degree, and get started with my life with a car, job, house, no debt. Then I would probably try to get America out of it debt(if that is even possible), and donate the rest to charity.
Crevis05 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:32:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe open up a Roth IRA
boxster_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:32:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my bills
Move myself closer to work, and offer my current roommate to come with me since he's a good dude
Send money to my adoptive momma so she could buy a house so my brother would not have to use stairs and worry
Pay off my friends school bills/send them to school
Get my car fixed and detailed
Get a computer
Hire a maid to come by once a month
Donate 100k to each of the charities that have helped me and my cat survive
Get the surgeries I need/other basic healthcare
Hire someone to build a catio
Adopt more cats
Put money aside for when I'm ready to buy a house
Buy new work sweaters and shoes because mine have holes
Anonymously donate a new computer system to the non profit I work at because it's awful and our kids get less because of it
Video games and a China cabinet filled with ceramic cats
?? Get everyone nice blankets? This is too much money
Make a plan for the rest so I can put my paycheck right into my retirement account and survive off the money forever
Holiday_in_Asgard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:32:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How does this work exactly? Am I waking up to find my apartment is crammed with 10 billion $100 bills? or is there just a deposit of $1 trillion in my bank account? If I just have $1 trillion in my bank account I would just assume it was a banking error and try to get it corrected ASAP (If they figure out I knew about a trillion dollar banking error and didn't say anything their lawyers would probably filet me alive). If I just had 10 billion $100 bills appear in my apartment, I would wonder what Robber thought it would be a good idea to use my apartment as a hide out. Also, I'd wonder how they carried 10 million kgs of paper up 3 flights of steps and crammed it into an apartment without raising any suspicion or collapsing the building.
If it was deposited in my bank account and I had a notarized letter that the money was gifted to me by /u/inapoc. Then I would instantly quit my job, pay off my student loan debt, pay back my parents and give them $2 million for a comfy retirement, and while I'm at it put $2 million aside for myself for a personal endowment to live off of, as well as put aside enough to get a PhD. in particle physics (definite interest of mine). I would then try to find the most worthy causes to donate the rest of the money towards. Probably a lot will go to promoting Science and the arts, but that's basically it. I don't need all of that money to support myself, so why keep it?
tjdavids ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:32:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
call out of work for a few weeks while i figure out how to hold 1 trillion dollars. then probably invest in nuclear.
AndroidAnthem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:32:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Clear debts (student loans, mortgage, etc.). Make sure my family is set up well for future (retirement, establish a trust, college funding, etc.). Establish a foundation and do good things locally (looking at you, Wisconsin road funding cluster fuck) and internationally (poverty, environment, sustainability, education, refugee crisis, etc.)
EdSpoons ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:33:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put my dad through a course at the local community college to teach him how to "work the printer" because my patience is running thin. ๐ (or hire a full time printer attendant)
tehweave ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:33:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Keep my mouth shut.
SixteenSaltiness ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:33:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cause Inflation
Toasted_Bagels_R_Gud ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:33:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start my own space company
VonBeegs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:33:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Could I buy US politics with 200 billion? What if I focused on just the Republican party?
DiskoShaman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:33:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Er, exchange it into GPB. Not much I can do with a dollar in the UK, let alone a trillion of them.
macblastoff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:34:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Practice saying "One treeeellion dollars!", and wearing a monocle whilst biting my pinky.
fabissi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:34:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put it in a bank account yielding 1% for one year. Then pay off all student loan debt in the US.
OneTrueKram ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:34:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go buy a sweet car on my way to my alma mater to set up a shit load of scholarships for deserving kids. Buy a 1080 Ti. Play some games. Get around to letting my wife know we're arguably the wealthiest couple in history and that I want to buy like five more pupper doggos then probably head to Belize for a few weeks.
DnA_Singularity ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:34:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire the top scoring students that finished their studies in machine-learning/AI and engineering. Make a deal with universities to have x% of their students in relevant fields run an internship in my company as part of their curriculum. Buy Google and make a deal with Elon Musk. Now we offer the government a cheap contract, so cheap they can't possibly refuse, which states that we'll design a system that uses Google's communications infrastructure and Elon's cars to make transport fully automated on the condition that human controlled transport will be made illegal by the time we are finished building the system and cars. Now we will allow all citizens to exchange their old car for our "basic" edition for free while we will offer more deluxe editions too for people that want it and can afford it.
After this I'll have the people whom worked on this project become teachers in the new school I'll make. In this school we will teach people and children of all ages. I will import families with their children from third-world countries and educate that entire family on the condition that they will return to their countries of origin and start their businesses there, when they do this I will send along a few students and more experienced people to help them.
Now these businesses all over the third-world have a solid foundation, they will hire locals and grow. This way we will better the world, kaizen style.
bertbarndoor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:35:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give 90pcnt to the Bill and Melinda Gates foundation. And retire.
Lactosebob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:35:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
two chicks at the same time man
kr4v3n ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:35:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would find a moderately populated second world country that was open to outside benevolent influence. Then I would find and hire a team of economists and ex-military personnel and get to making a new world power.
EatUs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:35:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not go to work. Be blissfully happy for 30 minutes. Feel slight anxiety at the shear amount of money that is and wonder how I could protect such a large amount. Have a day at the spa to think and ask the massage therapist and aestheticians what they would do.
I think long term, I would be very concerned with investing my money in organizations and people in multiple countries to positively influence the progression of humanity. I'd put money towards clean energy and cars. Fund research into all sorts of things like disease and psychology. Personally, and I hope I don't get flagged for this, I would really love to fund an organization of assassins. We'd only get rid of people that have committed crimes against humanity or whose existence would adversely affect a large swath of the population. There would have to be lots of checks and balances. Maybe the power would get to me and my own people would have to off me.... Hopefully not. Anyways. I'd fund world peace. I may have to kill some people to do that though.
dudius7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:36:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd make a payment on my student loans.
beatangel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:36:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chics at the same time.
Tswaggydaddy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:36:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, the only thing I'd do differently is not go to work. I'd still sit around drinking cheap beer, playing guitar and video games, and chill with the same friends I've had for years.
EnclG4me ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:36:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a large house out in the country, furnish it. Buy a pickup truck to use as a tool, buy a small car to get around. Start a program/fund to get troubled youth out into the country side to explore nature a bit and try to show them they have more options than their abusive environment at home.
muckrucker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:36:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Set 1/4 of it aside to "make do" for my family for the rest of all-time.
Create a non-profit and donate the rest of it to that non-profit so it can use the dividends to help people pay off bad debts and student loans and then teach them the proper fiscal responsibility our education system completely and utterly fails to. I've personally felt the huge weight that comes off your shoulders from seeing those $0.00 balances after years of bad situations and choices and then finally breaking through.
Crowdaw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:36:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Immediately maturbate to clear my head, and make a well calculated decision. Kanjataimu bitches.
StrawberryCoughs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:36:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy my Mom a house that she wants, with a fat kitchen because she loves to cook. Then buy myself a house with not such a fat kitchen, but with a workshop out back.
Honduran ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:36:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Help Honduras. Such an amazing country with such corrupt leaders. So sad.
WavesOfEchoes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:36:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Offer a $500 Billion prize for the cure for all cancers.
seagotes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:37:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
all in jnug
SeeAqantnceGrcryShpn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:37:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
idk I'd have to think longer than it takes to answer an askreddit question lol.
monsto ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:37:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build a castle. I've already thought about this.
Spending $500m on a modern day castle so you can survive the collapse of civilization with your friends? Priceless.
rwjetlife ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:37:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing. I would do nothing all day, and it would be everything I hoped it could be.
She_is_electric ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:38:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off every single bill and all debt for myself, my siblings (especially because they've helped me recently during a rough job transition), my parents - clean slate.
Begin the search for someone to do charity research for me because I'm lazy.
Put in motion reenrolling to finish my damn degree.
This always is a bittersweet game. Mostly bitter.
Adog311 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:38:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to Chicago Music Exchange and get crazy.
Swagner88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:38:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably die of heart attack I assume. That would be way too big of a shock.
Or try to figure out what kind of insane mistake the bank had made and assume someone would be at my door instantly to make me return it.
artifex28 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:38:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do everything I could do to end the endless pursuit of growth aka global capitalistic drive, causing growing inequality.
Nasuno112 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:39:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
buy the stock market
in doing so probably crash it with so much money going into it all at once
Saviorofthe_Universe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:39:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would build the family estate I've always wanted to. I would have to tweak the rules about borrowing though.
TheBooberhamlincoln ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:39:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off debt of mine and my parents. Purchase houses for them and me. New cars. Trust funds and college put away for the kids. Travel the world. Take college classes in what I am interested in rather than what I need to take.
7832507840 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:39:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would probably wake up with 1 trillion dollars tomorrow. That's what I would do.
arunnair87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:39:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy some Nes classics
GostlyToast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:39:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a computer that can game easily in 4K and then buy a car decent car for myself and find some semi decent apartment so no one ever knows I'm rich
reddittatwork ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:39:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
buy out trump and his administration
IDontWantToArgueOK ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:39:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A trillion dollars wouldn't fit in my apartment so I'd likely be dead
Katiana56 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:39:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put the vast majority of it savings. Then use some to get everything in my car that isn't working correctly, fixed, I don't even want a new car, right now I love the one I have. Once my car is in good condition I want just go driving around the US and see everything there is to see. After that I'll do the same around the world.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:39:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd fix the world.
PunkishClown ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:39:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think I'd want to purchase a reasonable house for myself and another my parents that they can live in as they age and dependable cars for all of us. Pay off for school for all of my friends and myself. Invest a little bit in some medical tech. companies. Donate a bunch randomly to people who need it. then put the rest away there is no way I could spend all that money but I could be super comfortable for the rest of my life.
baseball_dude ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:39:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would relax... I would sit on my ass all day... I would do nothing.
Aenllador2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:40:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a diamond rope and hang myself
Rookyboy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:40:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I probably wouldn't know for a week or two... I never check my account balance out of anxiety
StichesCyrus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:40:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lots of weed and a house and some beer and a car and a lady.
Kalean ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:40:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Provide fully-owned homes and financial security to everyone I know and care about. Buy everyone I know a rift and gaming PC. Donate an obscene amount of money towards the further development of VR.
Go back to sleep.
lamabaronvonawesome ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:40:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start a bunch of foundations for things I care about and buy some cool stuff.
Iokuas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:40:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a condo, pay off my friend's mortgages, give my parents enough money so that they will never have to worry about anything in their pending retirement, then I would open an old fashioned malt shop with a gaming theme, hire all my friends and let them keep all the money it makes.
Chrizzlechip ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:40:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call into work, Buy a plane, fly to Colorado, get mad high, meet up with my buddy and go golf, then fly back home and get yelled at by my wife for being late.
BACONbitty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:40:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give it all away save $5 mil. Pay off $30,000 in debt and make sure my family had enough to feel secure and comfortable. Maybe see whatever doctor I want.
darealmotherfckr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:40:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job. Give some to family and close friends so we all lit. Google how to live luxuriously in every way possible. Live it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:40:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd disappear and never be seen again. Mail all friends and family a fat check a week later. A million each
Ritielko ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:40:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Convert them to euros
misal6666 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:40:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would go back to sleep.
TouchMe4Cash ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:41:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Masturbate
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:41:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get a good house off campus. Continue with my schooling. Have enough money for all the climbing trips I want. Pay off any debts my grandparents/parents may have. Buy all the philosophy books off of amazon.
shamu41 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:41:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest wisely after buying the Switch, a few Steam games, and a TV for my dorm room.
Borisdunks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:41:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Let's be real here. I don't need a trillion dollars to be happy.
I'd travel the world volunteering for good causes.
Meet many great people and donate my money as I see fit.
Tempahh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:41:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cocaine.
ieatz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:41:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy 50 Boston Terriers (25 male 25 female), 3 Yachts for each Boston Terrier, an office for each one, 27 jeep cherokees, lifetime cloning for each dog too
Exhumed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:41:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make an Instagram account and live stream me burning it like the joker did, but only after skidding down the pile if money.
Myrandall ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:41:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit university, buy a sweet house, buy a sweet car, buy all the boardgames I ever wanted, buy the sweetest PC imaginable and hire a sushi chef for a week to teach me all the ins and out of making sushi.
Then I'd make some huge donations to certain charities.
And finally get someone to invest the remaining 0.98 trillion.
That about sums up the first two weeks.
palecrepegold ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:41:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep. All day. Until I can't sleep anymore.
fastovich1995 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:41:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Travel by parachute everywhere.
gingerzak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:41:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
invest in nvidia
account100100 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:42:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
sleep
Vitalink148 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:42:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
send money to family
Aperture_Kubi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:42:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a monkey.
finalarbiter9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:42:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay for college
cobrastrikes-2x ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:42:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would keep working at my current job, because it's easy and gets me out of the house, then at night, I would start a fight club where people from your average office building can bring their pasty selves in and fight with other middle aged pasty people and win big money win or lose. Plus, with all the extra revenue, I could even make it a televised event and get better venues as time passes and put obstacle courses in the arena. Then I would sit atop the arena in my PJ's and my golden crown sipping chocolate milk from my gold tankard like a true billionaire should.
randomasfuuck27 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:42:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably go to work. My coworkers are my friends, would need to give at least a couple weeks notice.
1Jokerulz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:42:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not say a single word
Foxtrottings ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:42:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Try to figure out who fucked up so bad at the bank that my account ended up as the recipient of that much money and give it back.
Shit ain't legit mine, I don't want it.
citizensnips134 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:42:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fund fusion power research. Right after I buy a new motorcycle and build myself a modest house.
Faded_Sun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:42:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my student loans, travel a ton, give my mom money. Isn't a whole lot I want/need to buy.
eggn00dles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:42:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make sure no one else obtains $1 trillion dollars
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:42:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably be paralyzed by the infinite amount of choices that I now have and do nothing at all. Maybe sprinkle an existential crisis on top.
djdadi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:43:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put ads out in every paper nationwide to recruit the best posse possible to find the best coke and strippers to hire.
vicwiz007 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:43:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a nice PC and never work again.
godbullseye ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:43:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy myself a cabinet position in the Trump White House and spend the next 3 years and 9 months leaking everything to the press to completely destroy his legacy
PmMeYourPantiesGirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:43:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay the trill toll so I can get into that boy's soul.
Teen-pregnancy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:43:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Run for president
fabulousprizes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:43:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd open a chain of stores called Shit-Ass Pet Fuckers.
HandsomeBWonderfull ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:43:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to the dentist.
AdamBry705 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:43:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably pinch myself. And then buy ubisoft
Destr0p ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:43:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Outfit most of the Midwest with Solar panels, invest in infrastructure, and buy a partner share in a few more progressive organizations.
Maybe just buy out oil companies and begin forcing the switch to renewable resources
tmosure75 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Try to solve poverty issues buy homes for my unknown homies buy water for thoose who can't and same with food. I always thought when you have this amount of money it becomes your responsibility to look after thoose in need.
AANickFan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate a large sum of it to Africa.
z3rods ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy up all the Nintendo Switches from the scalpers, then pay people to rob the scalpers the amount of money they made from the transactions.
I'd then give all of them away to the lowest bidders.
pinball_schminball ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Launch a campaign to bring down Donald Trump, LaPen, and anyone else pushing white nationalism
beefboy222 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate all of it to NASA and/or Elon Musk.
alamohero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I could buy a brand new Boeing 777, fly it to Tokyo from New York and back, then blow it up in the desert and buy a new one. Rinse and repeat every single day for over a decade.
Ryvit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Generic answer probably, but I'd buy my family a new house and car, get my arm fix that never healed properly from when I broke it when I was 15, get a tooth pulled that's out of place, get braces because I never did when I was a teenager, and probably start a cool ass animal shelter so I can be surrounded by cats and dogs and happy kids adopting new pets all day. Then I could never be in a bad mood again
uncletito69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would create my own experimental community.
I would set up a program with the top environmental engineering colleges for students to design and build a modern, practical, zero waste, organic community. I would try to get Tesla on board to use their solar panels and batteries.
I'd buy a monster plot of land in Montana, or Colorado with a fresh water source and start building my mini zero print city. I would create a video marketing my idea of building a city that is integrated with nature, has zero waste, but all of our modern conveniences.
shit would be dope.
cortanakya ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:45:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay to go to the dentist, mostly. It's the small stuff. I might also buy the entire developing world clean water, proper infrastructure and a decent education system. Hopefully world peace will follow shortly.
StainIrwin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:45:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay people to build Hogwarts.
aero_nerdette ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:45:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to the office as normal, turn in all my credentials, and walk out. Make sure to set aside enough to pay taxes on the massive amount of money I suddenly have. Enact "Operation Lottery Winner", which includes paying off all debts, donating to worthy causes, sharing some with family, traveling to all my "bucket list" places, and building a self-sufficient off-grid compound in the woods.
bilbo_boozebaggins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:45:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy reddit then redirect the URL to a picture of Manning face for a few weeks, just to fuck with you guys.
SaltySoapySoup ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:45:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give NASA the money they need to get me the fuck off this planet.
_PhaneroN_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:45:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy Facebook just to immediately delete it right after. Billions of people would be mad at me and I would love it
AlwaysTired72 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:45:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Travel around the world on a train, getting off frequently to explore.
Leldy22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:45:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Crash the world economy.
thomoz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ask for a divorce. She can have half, I won't miss that money.
gettsoutthere ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my parents mortgage, buy my dad a new truck and my mom a new car, and pay off mine and my siblings student loans.
altaltaltpornaccount ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Crash the US economy in such a way that I could pull it back from the brink after leveraging my position into a rewriting of the Constitution to fix some of the major problems (everyone should be equal in the eyes of the law, secondary education and health care should be basic rights for the citizenry, etc).
If my plan fails, I've still probably left the place better than I found it.
veyd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy and then forgive all 1 trillion of the outstanding student debt in the US. Then run for president.
OdinWolfe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my student loans.
Welp, that was a quick trillion dollars.
Haegar_Hardstriker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Redistribute the wealth and enact communism
illionaire2006 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bring back the Sonics. Pay to fire Lorenzo Romar.
Baculum7869 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If i woke up with 1 trillion dollars, and it was in my apartment I would die from being unable to get out of said apartment.
everover ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Faint dead away. Repeat until I get some kind of smelling salts butler.
SAOkirito1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Play breath of the wild for a few hours then go meet miiamotto (sorry I can't spell his name)
DyBree440 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call my Tax attorney. Find out all the rights that I have, what I need to do to stay off of the IRS radar, give allotted shares to family and friends, buy a tropical island, be an upstanding rich citizen, donate to favorite charities, and build businesses that pay living wages. All the while living on private tropical island where I secretly plot complete world domination.
MckittenMan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought about this if i ever won the lottery. Realistically i think i would be a nice house, not an over the top 30 bed room deal. Just go to school and learn, live the healthiest life i can live, travel everywhere. And support my coke addiction.
TheREexpert44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy every shrek the halls dvd
milored92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would have to convert it to GBP and be saddened by the fact it would be 82000000000 and not a trillion ๐
iCaused ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate two million to the Chicago public school system so I could say I one upped Chance.
Jeffool ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to work one last day, make several millionaires there on the way out. Do the same for family and friends. Take a cruise for a couple weeks. Maybe take a million or two to lose in Las Vegas for a week of fun... Then I think I'd make my own jobs.
First I'd hire some game developers to make some games I've always wanted to exist. I'd probably also create a video production company and make some TV. Possibly my own publishing company as well.
2fat2live ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build a rocket ship to take the rest of you mother fuckers off my planet!
Jtothe3rd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd happily bank 100 billion and restrain myself to only spending an average of $4,500,000 every day for the rest of my life. Then I'd probably be a philanthropist with the remaining 900 billion since the full trillion is an amount that would actually be hard to spend over the 60 years I probably have left.
To spend a trillion dollars in 60 years (21900 days) you would have to spend an average of $45,000,000 every day. That's a lot of work and signing documents that I couldn't be bothered doing. 1st few months I'd hire a committee of scientists to decide how that 900 billion could best improve the world, and just review their ideas, with a team dedicated to implementing them ready to take over.
Jabernathy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What form does the 1 trillion dollars take? Is it distributed amongst securities, cash, property, etc?
With that much capital you have to be careful about how it's moved and spent. You could literally bankrupt or fund entire (small) industries by making a change to your investment strategy.
I'd call Buffet and offer him a fractional return to manage it After that? Probably spend the rest of my life doing charity work, gardening, and spending time with the fam.
Oh, and buy a Tesla Model X.
gnioros ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spend as much as I need to evade the snail.
DexiMachina ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Travel. I want to see the world. ALL of it.
belladonna7498 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Roll over and go back to sleep.
Nikis32 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy my country and make it a communist utopia
TheGamingGeneral ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy America
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call in to work
UnderThe102 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd invest in companies, try to keep expenses to a minimum, move to a state that I have always wanted to go to (Washington, Colorado, Texas, California), build a beast PC, buy a shit-ton of games, build a huge gaming collection (nes, snes, n64, ps1, ps2, xbox, and all the games from each of those consoles). In all I think I'd live a good life.
TheLogicalCow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy friends
sadhury ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
wonder how i got a 60th of the worlds money
CougdIt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One of the first things I'd do is hide cases of $10 million in like 10-20 different places (and not share the gps coordinates with anyone. Looking at you, Walt) so that if anything ever happened to my fortune i would have security. I could live very comfortably for the rest of my life on any one of those cases.
Inevitably someone would find a case or two, but fuck it, i have a trillion dollars.
MpVpRb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call Bill Gates and Elon Musk and offer to help them
FreedomFromIgnorance ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cocaine and whores.
VanGogh2Hell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A car. A big shiny car. How about you?-New yorkโฆmaybe paris-mmm-Gona be a big shot for a while. How about you ned?-I wanna start a foundation to help homeless children.-Well, i ment to do that.-Well i meant i was going to do that first and then i was going to get the car.
im_the_jr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
id ask it to marry me and i wouldnt sign no prenup
TheloniousGun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cocain
Beach_Shoes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:48:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can I buy an election?
ksooner12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:48:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at once.
Zerotan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:48:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Trump Tower
Paint it rainbow colours.
Throw the best damn party.
twochaudio ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:48:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a new set of merlin vsm black magic speakers.
mrminty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:48:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For a trillion dollars you could completely change the trajectory of the United States.
I'd use a small chunk of that to completely saturate DC with my own lobbyists and I'd start turning most of Congress and Senate to my favor by promising millions to reelection campaigns. I'd direct them to vote in favor of increased spending of federal funds on schooling and public health, even incentivising them by offering to match up to 50 billion of my own money. Planned Parenthood needs about a billion and a half a year to operate, they're in business for the next quarter century at least. The rest goes into similar clinics, and then grants for failing public schools.
After I assemble a team of the best and brightest advisers/lawyers/politicians, I'd start exploring manufacturing startups in the renewable energy sector who would be willing to manufacture in the rust belt, as well as lobbying for large tax breaks for any large employer looking to relocate to an economically disadvantaged area of the country. Naturally, things aren't going to be as easy as I just described them, which is why I have the team of the best and brightest. I'd invest in public infrastructure, parks, schools, etc. I'd make it my goal to spend a trillion dollars on making the US as good as I possibly could. I don't want kids and I have no interest in building a dynasty. I'd spend the entire trillion by the end of my life, save probably 15 million earmarked for dumb shit like jetskis.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:48:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get a lawyer
KlEpto_CaponE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:48:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
BUILD THE WALL!
Umikaloo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:48:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll become "that guy" in every one of my hobbies, I'll be the guy who spends more money on toys than most people make in a year.
MyLouBear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:48:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Find a way to make sure no one finds out. That kind of money can lead to your kids getting taken for ransom.
Velcade ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:48:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait it out, it's obviously a bank error. Bill Gates ain't even that rich.
GarethCutestory ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time, man.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:51:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
why you when you can have 12?
isorx0932 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put it all towards my student loans... then continue making payments on my student loans.
Therytetomeme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy off Bill Gates to be my bitch
69th ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:54:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build an obstacle course of various chairs of various heights for him to jump over all day, every day
PC509 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest 45%, spend 5% on a new home, car, fun. Spend the other 50% on helping people - homeless, medical bills, local low income people, schools, educational programs, recreational programs for kids, foster children... A lot of things for kids, though.
jackishere ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy a house for my family and make them quit their shit jobs
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One amazing round of blackjack.
DominicVahn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a large island than can be self sufficient. Then develop one of the most advanced science labs in the country. Then recruit some of the best minds in the world to work in my lab and play God. First order of business is to sort out cloaning humans and genetic manipulation. I need super soldiers. Also, spend a large amount of money to buy part of the moon, then funnel in funds to colonize that bitch and develop a moonbase. Finally. Build a weapon strong enough to eradicate all life on earth on aforementioned moonbase.
Basically a real life super villian, I guess.
ItsShiny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I might finally spring for avocado on my Chipotle burrito.
ChineseCookieThief ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make an organization for free dance lessons for kids who have anxiety or mood disorders. Dance was how I got through my dark days.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take my baby cousin to Disney World, then probs throw a party.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lots of high level trolling and helping those in need.
Start an abortion bus service in restrictive red states where we bus women to states that are more progressive so they can get their procedure done.
Start solar and wind power companies giving free power to people that rely on coal power and displacing that industry and the old curmudgeons that run it.
Build "down town" areas in rural communities that have to rely on Walmart as their sole source of goods as well as jobs.
Build billboards next to fast food chains that have heart disease and arterial plaque as pictures with an arrow point at said fast food chain.
Buy large swaths of land in the Midwest to create more parks, nature preserves etc where oil and gas can't get to.
Basically everything Bill Gates should be doing. I'm sure his work in Africa is doing great stuff but let's start rebuilding at home.
manslam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Finally settle on not killing myself
AnAwesomeMiner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
pay konami enough to keep making beststream games
uhh, fuck it ill just buy out konami since i have so much cash :p
BGshadow98 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Still not buy a Ubisoft game
fwapmaster19 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy out as many student loans as possible. Then, I'd buy a balloon.
yellowpigs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tell no one. Live comfortably.
TheKoonCSGO ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Try to take over the world and kill off all the rothschilds
TrashManX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy a Hayabusa and a parachute. I would then stack 100s on top of the chute and get the busa up to top speed heading straight at wall that is insulated with confetti and glitter. I would yank on rip cord and deploy chute, sending hundreds flying everywhere and the bike smashing in to the wall sending confetti and glitter everywhere while I look down from above with a giant smile on my face.
nwest0827 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Id personally finance the education of all Americans and buy up all the medical debt that I could
genericname__ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Order a large pizza with stuffed crust AND sides!
Apes_Will_Rise ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fund revolutions around the world and overthrow capitalism ยฏ\(ใ)/ยฏ
iamVaughn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do-over and write a check to the taxman.
jabbywasp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would wonder why I have that much $ instead of the ยฃ10 I went to sleep with.
Themainstreamhpstr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate to 100mil to charity. Buy a computer that isn't like the potato I have now. Buy an apartment in New York. File bankruptcy.
philmtl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy an island, invest to get gigabyte internet there
ThePublikon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy a big enough stake in Tesla/SpaceX/SolarCity that Elon Musk would let me have a spaceship of my own :)
LincolnsLostSpeach ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay the legal fees for an honest, un-bias (god willing), investigation into Trumps campaign and presidency; donate the remainder to paying off the national debt regardless of outcome. I see clearing Trumps name or impeaching him and giving Americans back hope as the actual way to make America great again.
n8spear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my student loans. After that I'd have enough left to get a pizza.
yesitsdylan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to Vegas and put it all on black
AxidentalApostle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give away all but 10 million dollars to worthwhile causes. I would then finally take my wife on that special honeymoom getaway I promised when I asked her to marry me.
Yourcatsonfire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would fund education in my city. Our school system is a joke and one of the worst in the nation.
ILikeWeightRoomSex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm immediately going to hire the best financial advisor and attorney I can find. Next, I'm gonna find four hard motherfuckers to chill with me and make sure I don't get robbed. Then, I'm gonna buy every pair of Jordan's, yeezys, ultraboosts, and NMDs ever made. Then, I'll fill a room with them and play with them like the ball pits McDonald's had when I was a kid.
judgejudygarland ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job, go to Target every day, buy a sick house. I'm a simple bitch.
Top4King ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy the Presidency of the USA
Bearsandgravy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay my school loans, pay off my car, prob take a leave of absence from work to focus fully on school and getting my CPCU. Travelling a bit, then heading back to work. Oh, buying a tesla.
HonestWill ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build the worlds largest potato launcher
hard_working_hero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Moneybin like Scrooge McDuck!
shebl1ndedmewscience ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:51:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Finish getting my PhD next year, then start a Center for Neglected Tropical Disease Research. I'd put half of that into the stock market and fund the research off of the interest. I'd hire a bunch of other scientists who care about diseases that are stunting development of third world countries, never write a government grant again, and spend all my time in the lab rather than at my desk. I'd also give a certain university I attend money to actually fund PhD students so they aren't limited to 1-2 per year.
Aeceus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:51:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a house for everyone in my family, quit my job, go travelling. Flight to Tokyo first probably.
Ecmep ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:51:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drop out of college, pay debt, then probably live my life how i see fit from there. Would get bored without work though so I would probably just find an easy job to pass time after a while.
acrimonious_hedgehog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:51:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Be very suspicious that I was still asleep. (Bill Gates only has ~85b)
Jegerutennavn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:51:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hookers and cocain
thedesignproject ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:51:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Change my phone number.
MagicallyMalicious ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:51:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit. My. Job.
Then pay off all my bills, family bills, set up trust funds for the kiddos and hire a financial consultant for smart investments.
But some real estate; commercial, residential and for future development. Buy a couple of amazing handbags, book some family vacations (Disney World, Europe and a get an RV for road trips!), buy my hubby the new Nintendo and a dog. Pay for my sister in law to get IVF, if she'd like. And donate to some local parks, conservation and humanitarian charities.
Then dump a bunch of cash on the bed and roll around in it. Then maybe enroll in college.
zazathebassist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:51:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cry and think I'm not worth it
_Harlan_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:51:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Log into Reddit. Some things never change.
Dallywack3r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:51:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd offer to personally fund public healthcare for millions of Americans who cannot afford adequate health insurance.
CrazyGitar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:51:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably give notice for work, or renegotiate for far fewer working hours on more specific projects, and then start house-hunting.
I wouldn't squander it, but there would definitely be some celebrating, paying off any existing debts, giving my relatives (some of them) a helping hand.
I'd also try and keep it as quiet as possible, or at least just not publicise it too much. I like to keep to myself, and having some money to allow me to keep doing that freely would be fantastic.
Stillwater_Nik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:51:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two girls at the same time
boxwagon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:51:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not tell anyone but also just notch up the awesomeness of all my vacation a little. Oh. And buy some skis.
blisstake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:51:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Destroy the squadron of decoy snails
D3Darkk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:51:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd use that new Russian 3-D house printer to make enough homes to house as many people as it would allow. Then charge rent based off what they could afford to pay. Then with the rent money, establish food "banks" in each established sub division of the houses that would provide for them, based off a point system. Points would be allocated by the services you provide to each community. E.g. spent 40 hours in just one week cleaning the area and planting trees etc... enough points to sustain you for a months worth of food.
biggestbutterX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:52:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd spend it to help a friend
MrGoogle87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:52:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spend it on improving an entire country or multiple, save some for a financial independance status.the first will get you in history books :)
trytheCOLDchai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:52:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire security. Then security for my security. Then security for my security for my security. Then security for my security for my securities security.
GodoftheGeeks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:52:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Die rich from the heart attack I would get from finding out that I have $1 trillion.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:52:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably diversify the currency some to mitigate risk, then invest in things likely to have a positive impact on the world. Renewable energy, food sources, data analytics research, etc. The I'd buy out some pharma companies and run them ethically.
In other words I'd try fixing the problems I have with the world.
SuperbCrawdad2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:52:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep
freeagentsummit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:52:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would invest half of it in low risk mutual funds and then take the other half over to my friend Asadulah who works in securities.
ViolentCupcakes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:52:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably get up, and go to work like normal, get run ragged by my job and then do it all over again the next day just in nicer clothes. I am a glutton for retail abuse.
Kidding. I would walk up to my boss at the end of the day and offer to buy the business, give all my coworkers raises and vastly improve the business. Oh and that private island I been eyeing will be mine.
MrAppleSpiceMan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:52:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not a damn thing
SucukwithEgg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:52:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With my Money I would buy a pharama research Company to find a medicine to cure deadly diseases
69YourMomma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:52:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a new liver because I plan on doing a lot of drinking & partying!
swervin87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:52:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 chicks at the same time, man.
spellbunny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:52:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am a simple woman
bobandgeorge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:52:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would donate a significant amount to Planned Parenthood.
pm_me_ur_regret ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:52:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
FootFetishSlave ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:52:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jerk off to my mistress' feet at least five times consecutively
alKaszL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:52:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy a fur coat. But not a real fur coat, that's cruel
Instincts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:52:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anonymously donate half, build a series of affordable apartment buildings across the country, buy a really really nice car, retire to an isolated ranch in New Hampshire and live the rest of my days playing with guns, drones, and fireworks on my ranch.
lumalisa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:52:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Request a meeting with Oprah about saving the world.
SkunkMonkey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:52:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With my luck the first thing to happen would be a massive coronary causing death instantly.
Same reason I've never bought a lottery ticket. I am going to wait until I am old and on death's bed. Then I'll buy a ticket because the only way I'd ever win a shitload of money is if I was about to die and not be able to spend it.
dalovindj ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:52:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chics at the same time.
JonesMcGee123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:53:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give half to my mom and dad, then drop the fuck out of this illuminati society.
RyghtHandMan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:53:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My mama and my weed man getting paid af in that order
LetsAveAnotherOneEyy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:53:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd stay in school and not do drugs. Or I'd stay in school and do drugs. Or even just drugs.
Either way, I'd do drugs.
McDouggal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:53:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly? Do what I can to disappear. Only people I trust implicitly would know where I was or how to reach me. Give immediate family enough to live well for the rest of their lives, but a trillion dollars would make you a target of literally every scammer and thief in the world.
Your best bet would be to get a significant amount of money into the stock market; the problem would be doing it across a wide enough base to not inflate the economy.
srosell984 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:53:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
buy the new zelda on switch all the pack all the amiboos, disappear
gregbard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:53:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would find the best political system that money can buy and then buy it. So too for social, legal, and economic.
Sepponaattori ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:53:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd become a millionaire. In other words, I'd start my own racing team while being the driver.
e3kb0m63r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:53:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think the real question here is what WOULDN'T you do to earn that much... would you eat someone else's puke? Would you have sex with a parent? Would you kill a parent? Would you kill your SO? Would you kill someone you didn't know? Would you get infected with AIDS?
It's easy to wake up and have it.
Edit: added questions
Dapsus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:53:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well my clash of clans would become fucking epic
masterofthebush ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:53:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
find a financial advisor who's a fedouciary and a lawyer and ignore everyone else for a few days.
Crazyhog2d ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:53:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a price jacked Nintendo switch on eBay so I can play BoW
FatDabsIsGod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:53:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate 90% to charity and still be the richest man on earth.
leReddzer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:54:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fund Rooster teeth's million dollars but, with a real million dollars
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:54:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a giant rubber duck
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:54:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate all but $1 mil to charity, buy a modest house and recent car (lightly used, of course), pay off my student loans, and live happily ever after.
Theundercave ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:54:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know I'm late, but seriously, this comment is probably what I'd do
a-t-o-m ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:54:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a fuckton of land, like $500 billion of land. Then give $10 million dollars to 100 different charities to see what they do with it. Give more to the well executed charities, holding $100 billion for this purpose. And then just do what I want.
manzaneg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:54:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start my own space program
Tolkienista ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:54:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Be as out of control as Mario Balotelli.
kilroy123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:54:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Work with the US, Chinese, EU, and Russia to form a new organization to get humans on Mars. I would personally bank roll a large portion of my wealth to make this happen. I would also make sure that humans not only get to Mars, but colonize it and never leave.
manzaneg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:54:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start my own space program
SconnieLite ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:54:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Asked a similar question to a friends little brother a few years ago, he was probably 13 and his response was "I'd buy a soda machine." That's it, a trillion dollars and the kid just wants his own soda machine.
Alpha1998 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:54:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ferrari modest house pay off all debts for myself and family. End world hunger.
SorcererSupreme21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:54:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get into a shitfuck ton of trouble with the IRS...
cp5184 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:54:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put it into fusion research probably.
Faps_With_Fury ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:54:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy all of the Magic cards.
ALL of them.
xhaltdestroy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:54:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would do my best to ensure as many girls as possible get to go to school.
Then I would buy a nice place and open up my own learning centre. It would be full of the most amazing resources and I wouldnt have to weigh the pros and cons of purchasing preserved specimens for preschoolers. And I could print out the children's photos IN COLOUR!!!!
SaucyLettuce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:54:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy 999 billion in bonds so 1) The government can use the money to help everyone and 2) I'll get limitless money forever, and so will my kinsmen.
True_Blue_J ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:55:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
get arrested
Lucas2u ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:55:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing. Absolutely fucking nothing.
DJDarren ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:55:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've been thinking about this quite a bit lately, and my answer is that I would start an ethical housing association.
I'm 36, flat broke, having to borrow money to pay the rent while I'm looking for another job, and have no hope of ever buying my own house. I'm resigned to having to rent my home, but am becoming increasingly angry with how the rental system works. Everything about it seems designed to fuck the tenant over; from the fees letting agents charge before you can move in to the landlords who do as little maintenance as possible, because all they see you as is the person who pays their buy-to-let mortgage so they can retire as soon as possible. I read something the other day about someone looking to move into a four bedroom house at ยฃ1750 a month, and needing over ยฃ6000 up front before they could get the keys. That's fucking outrageous. People need somewhere to live, but we're at the mercy of people who don't care that rents are going up faster than wages, they just want their mortgages to be paid.
There are already housing associations, but they're getting more and more tied up in corporate greed, with waiting lists so long that you could never hope to rent through them anyway. So I'd like to form an ethical housing association whose board aren't on six figure incomes, and who keep the cost of renting as low as possible. We would allow tenants to buy their properties after a period of time, and use the money to invest in more properties.
Sorry this isn't funny like most of the other responses, but it's something that's really important to me.
:edit: Having now read /u/MTechLife's post, I now realise that I could probably buy every empty house in the UK and begin the task of just giving them to those who need somewhere to live but couldn't otherwise afford to pay rent.
ET_CaughDrop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:55:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Retire at the right bold age of 22
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:55:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Become what some might consider a super villain, but for the cause of liberation.
Pretty much anyone remotely involved in the war on drugs would have death rain down upon them int he form of swarm of armed drones. Boko Harem? ISIS? Same shit. Swarms of drones raining down death.
tommysmuffins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:55:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would use my money to maximum abusive, but legal, advantage in every single election until the politicians that gave money so much power in elections were forced to take that power away.
Fibreoptix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:55:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1 Trillion? Oh boy I could finally afford a semi-detached in Toronto.
DirtyPerier ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:55:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
go straight to the mall and buy like 15 watches
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:55:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would give everybody in Ireland โฌ20333.333333 euro. We'd all have a party and the publicans would have a field day
TheUtilitaria ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:55:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wrote a short story about exactly this scenario
BlueRangerDuncan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:56:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Create a large amount of bank accounts to hide all my cash,
Then cash out 1 million and buy a treasure chest, hide said chest tell everyone i hid a chest full of a million dollars.
And never worry about the price of magic cards.
neocamel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:56:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Teach the world how to keep tense consistent in a title. ;-)
eyeGunk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:56:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Notify the FBI.
chillypt7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:56:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
http://i.imgur.com/bC8sMNY.jpg
LesseFrost ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:56:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my student loans and then maybe, just maybe, I'll have enough to buy a sandwich afterwards.
JRhoSwizzy69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:56:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drop out of college and buy a house, invest a fair amount and put a whole lot in savings and retirement funds. I would still work because I'm only 21 and I wanna get some real world experience.
ZeusHatesTrees ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:56:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd invest every. last. cent into the economy and watch it explode, then declare myself the one true president of the U.S. because I would own pretty much all of the economy.
BabyTheImpala ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:56:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Let the dog out, pay my car loan off while I pee, set up a college fund for my family, donate to Planned Parenthood, let the dog in and go back to sleep to deal with later.
Heroshua ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:56:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go into hiding, immediately.
There's no way the government won't want their cut in the form of taxes, and there's no way I won't be hassled by the news media and my family over the money.
I'll have a will written up to give the rest of my cash to charity upon my death.
Jacob_Nuly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:56:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That depends on the medium. If it's in a bank account, immediately start splitting it across multiple banks and investing a large majority of it. Hire an economist to help me understand the impact of that huge amount of money appearing out of nowhere, a lawyer to help me understand my legal obligations, and a private investigator to find out where it came from. From there, plan my next step based on the information I got from the professionals.
If cash, hide it to start with. Find out what my options are as discreetly as possible. Find a way to make the money legally mine without getting it confiscated in a misunderstanding.
If gold, hide it. Start a gold mining business, and slowly trickle the money in while adding to it.
TeddyPicard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:56:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take the first real deep breath since childhood
Gibbzee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:56:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay famous actors to come to my house and re-enact some of my favourite scenes.
CaptainCheif ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drive back home in the same car I currently own. Go to moms work and pick her up and tell her not to worry about working any more. Then same thing with dad. Go home, pick up our passports, and then get on the first flight to wherever. Once we get there id drop a few million in allmy family's bank accounts and few friends.
Basically just live in different hotels across the world for the rest of ever spending time with random foreign people.
westbound92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would pay off me and my wife's debt along with mine and her family's and buy a huge piece to foster rescue dogs and help them find loving homes
KLyon42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start solving society's problems, from developing an app to manage secure modern democratic voting to building a network of public hospitality resources for homelessness and hunger, to any other good ideas I could get behind funding. Try and leave a legacy that would change the world for even long after I'm gone.
Tomhap ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy swiss frank.
desi7777777 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would be scared and confused...what happened last night and how am I still alive.
Giothermal95 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off student loans, get a cheap but nice apartment in chicago, buy a car and insurance, and buy some furniture. Then id save the rest for prototyping my card games and never having to worry about grocery money ever again
Ron08004 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my house, car, credit card, throw 50 million dollars at each my parents' face and move out.
declared_somnium ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy a tank, and build a house with a proper fucking man cave.
Then, fuck it. I'm gonna have a victory wank.
darkestnail ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd pay your mum to let me fuck her.
Then I'd invest the remaining 999.999.980$ in the Cayman Islands, they say it's a real tax heaven there.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Enjoy my last day as a Liberal/Democrat.
queenlolipopchainsaw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Move the fuck out of the USA
admiralrads ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy out all Senate seats. Become the Senate.
Then implement free health care.
parrmorgan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Become Batman.. or better yet, Ironman, much easier.
zuul99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Find me a tax haven.
wretcheddawn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a college. Make sure the next generation gets a proper education.
okdenok ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cry from the happiness of not having to be a slave to corporations my whole life.
Gummi-Tank ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay for a house for my fiance and baby girl. It suck not knowing where you will live in the future
WeskerFare ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably find a way to give away at least half of that to charities and healthcare research. I'd have buildings made after that. I want to build a game tower for all the gamers that don't get to go to tournaments or experience other similar gamers in person. Want to be able to fly them/bus them out to have a gaming weekend with celebrities and stuff. Want it to become self sustainable so it starts making me money. Oh yeah and I'd feed my family and stuff
whatever_dad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay back my parents everything I owe them. Buy a house with some land. Buy a new car. Build a woodshop on my property. Spend the rest of my life building furniture and guitars.
Asteresck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One trillion dollars can buy a lot of guns...
jseego ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fix global poverty for awhile. It would only take about $500 billion.
Then, I'd spend about a billion or two on a global media empire, put on some good news that supports my opinions.
I'd invest about $100 billion in renewable energy.
In a few years, once I'd established some name recognition, I'd simultaneously run for president and start my own political party.
Fun times!
MsDinomite ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:58:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get my Mum a dog and pay all expenses. Our old dog died a week before Xmas, she cancelled the pet insurance as she couldn't afford it and didn't tell anyone until it was too late to renew. She's now lonely and can't afford a new dog/has been banned from getting one until she can afford it.
Pkpulsefall ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:58:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If that was the case, then I would just lay low and not spend anything. The future is a mystery - who knows what could happen. Hell, if anything, this money might just help me get a room in a vault to escape the highly possible nuclear apocalypse!
But seriously, i wouldnt spend it crazy. Yeah, I might buy some clothing, but Ill also use it to open up roads for my niece and nephew. I would also use it to buy a small pink house. Hey, got to have fun here and there right?
500Rads ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:58:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's far too much money but I would spend a great deal of time working out the best usage of the money. But I would like to open a chain of cinema burger bars with sofas instead of seats or even bean bags. I'd also setup a games development studio and fund science. I'd like to buy renoise and put all the devs on full time. I'd invest in my home town develop areas create parks. I'd also like to build a new stone hedge with a modern aesthetic.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:58:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep in
MengTheBarbarian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:58:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
โข Buyout Gaben and make this entire site beg me for Half Life 3
โข Go on a quest around the world to find the best food in existence. Then use that food to bribe GRRM to release TWOW and ADOS.
MrsWillem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:58:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's a lot of pizza money!
But of course I would also build a wall.
Me ------------------------------------ | :gun: | The rest of society
boopthesnoots ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:58:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd do what I've always wanted to do- found my own independent production company and make movies and comic books and such. I'd have enough for some of the biggest budget films ever made, and it'd be ridiculously fun.
Other than that,
Buy a tiny house wherever I want and live there comfortably my whole life.
Single-handedly support the Old Friends Senior Dog Sanctuary, and any other shelters so they don't have to worry about killing animals.
Fund Solar Roadways all by myself. Don't get a return? I don't even fucking care. Solar Roadways.
Buy controlling shares in major oil companies, and lobby them to stop being dicks.
Start my own insurance company with affordable interest rates.
Pay off the college debt of people who can't afford it.
Wall Street is now BooptheSnoots Street.
Anything leftover goes to Tesla, 350.org, and the ACLU, and those types of things, because I'm a hippie and thats what I value.
where-are-my-pants ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:58:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put it all on AyyyyyMD TO THE MOON MOTHERFUCKERS!
idai_puraisu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:58:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
pay off my student and personal debt....then Go back to sleep. Fuck everyone, I got a 999,999,960,000 dollars
Gibbzee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:58:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay for the Community movie.
DKIMBE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:58:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Use the 99.9% of it to fund SpaceX!
Just think about what they could do with that!
Also, I'd still be a Billionaire.
YarrrImAPirate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:58:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy as much land in the sunny states as possible (ie Arizona) and give power to the people (literally) for free. I read somewhere a long time ago that if 1% of AZ land was used as a solar farm it could power the USA (or maybe the state) I don't know if that's true or not, but land out here is pretty cheap and that's what I'd do.
deedoedee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:58:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job, schedule doctor appointments I've been putting off, get a comfy house and a car, and then start changing other people's lives.
There have been low points in my life where financial issues completely killed any joy I could get from it. A dark cloud of eviction hanging over your head, then knowing you're a burden on your family when you have to move back in with them will make you feel like any laughter you can muster is undeserved.
I would want to find people in that situation and surprise them with a fully furnished house with bills paid for like 3 years, a car, some extra cash, and financial classes to help them make great decisions with the money. If they want to take legit college courses that will help them in a career, I would pay for that as well.
BooboligistOfTheEra ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:58:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drop out of work to go to school. I'd rather spend my life and money on educating myself and even others than having to work all the time. I'd also travel the world with my family and invest the rest so that I can have a positive revenue.
Skiie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:59:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Non stop food and non stop sex.
Meykel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:59:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay for my college tuition and get a personal trainer. Give the rest away
Djdanny90999 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:59:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Retire an buy all the video games
officeglenn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:59:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nom_nom1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:59:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Refund the EPA, put 90% into investment accounts, buy a house, chill...
l2emember ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:59:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
id buy a recliner and rent an apartment with a balcony. then i would hit a joint while sitting on the recliner on top of that balcony under the moonlight.
wew
LeoLaDawg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:59:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep and not go to work.
CanIpickAnameLater ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:59:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest it
Gibbzee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:59:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest in research into time travel
IllusionJesusMNCDXX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:59:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job.. move to a massive plot of land... grow TONS of pot... maybe open a school for the under privileged, and fuck my gold digging, 21 yr old wife.
Do_The_Monster_Mash ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:59:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give back to my community, and many others suffering. Invest in solar power, and NASA, and buy fox news, then dismantle it.
thinreaper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:59:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably keep playing Zelda all day but maybe, treat myself to a pizza or a something.
XCJake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:59:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably take advantage of my ability to destroy any economy in the world. Just think what an extra liquid trillion dollars in any economy could do, especially in smaller economies. There would be wild deflation as soon as I decided to start spending the money. I could monopolize any resource I wanted. You don't take over the world and hold it ransom for a trillion dollars. Get a trillion dollars and take over the world.
stonecoldsaidwhat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:59:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whatever the fuck I wanted to do. And I wouldn't share it with any of you poor bastards.
giantsalike ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:00:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably do something selfless and selfish with it.
Ryuksapple84 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:00:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to work like normal.
AnthonyYocca ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:00:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd want a large mansion with a lazy river/moat/jet ski race track.
redsceptre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:00:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a small island and create a utopian society
breville135 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:00:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go on the lam because someone is coming after that money.
Gibbzee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:00:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay the BBC to let me play The Doctor.
Jake0fTrades ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:00:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drink 1 trillion cups of coffee.
Dukase ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:00:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hmm. Hard one to answer. Probably wake up happier then I fell asleep
aron925 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:00:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Found my own non-profit charity focused on global education and tackling income inequality and donate 99% of my new fortune to it
m_jean_m ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:00:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call my bank and ask if there was a mistake. I would feel so uncomfortable with that amount of money.
js1652 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:00:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fund a few billion-dollar X-prizes for space exploration, decentralized energy production, anti-viral therapies, those sorts of things.
Buy all of the Ferrari 166's I can get my hands on; remove them all from circulation except for one or two perfect ones and those are MINE. I'd keep one or two as mint, but on my actual little red barchetta, the chrome trim would be replaced with gold.
None of my descendants ever have to worry about paying for education or health insurance again.
lol_camis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:01:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That would almost be enough to buy a house!
creamywhip ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:01:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
id buy a home in french polynesia then relax for six months planning how to spend the rest.
jason1q ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:01:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a small island Become a king Buy SpaceX out and arm that self landing missile with a Nuke Start aiming that shit everywhere and then landing it in random places, only to re-fly it to another place so that it becomes a nuclear game of hot potato.
chux4w ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:01:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy or start up the next big social media site, then when everyone is on board and loving it, change a load of the basic features and layouts for no reason whatsoever.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:01:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Delete the lawyer, hit the Facebook, and gym up.
strewnshank ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:01:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Never fill out a timesheet again, that's for fucking sure.
Gibbzee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:01:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pull a huge prank on Trump.
Public_Fucking_Media ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:01:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fund the next century of moonshot-level technology advancement in whatever the fuck fields I want.
jakejakejak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:01:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have a lay-in, finally
h2man ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:01:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy the company I work for... and show up to work as if it's any other day. The face on my manager would be totally worth it... plus all the retribution (basically demotion to apprentice level) for the stupid stuff he's putting us through. :)
patsfan946 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:01:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy jnug
Cambridge_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:01:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cry
Pay all my debts.
And buy the company I work for.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:01:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Leave Algeria learn how to make money (just so that I don't waste it) then buy as much big companies I can, heck I'd buy the White House or the Eifel tower. Once I'm done collecting money I'll give it back to its owners (most of the human race) and make life much much better.
Ps: I WILL buy many many cars and if I say I didn't then know that I've lied to you.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:01:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy an island, make it amazing, but maybe not too amazing because i don't want too many people wanting to come there. Ban all bitter people from entering.
404GravitasNotFound ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:01:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Purchase every ISP on the planet. Instruct them to lift all bandwidth caps. Now I have a monopoly on unlimited communication across the world, which means everyone on Earth who wants to do anything on the internet has to go through me. Net neutrality forever.
Then I'm gonna fuck off to Ireland and live in a cottage near the North Atlantic without a phone or internet. Have fun with infinite bandwidth you crazy bastards.
nucumber ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:02:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
live off the interest. heck, probably give most of that away.
seriously, at a certain point what does more money matter?
what do you do? buy a bigger yacht? and another penthouse? why?
aydiosmio ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:02:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Figure out how much of this income is taxable.
cranialflux ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:02:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I woke up with a trillion bucks, and didn't get crushed under their weight?
Get lawyers
Quietly move the money to wherever it won't get taxed (swiss banks maybe?)
Put aside 10 million dollars for my retirement.
Spend the rest of the money buying propaganda firms and American congressmen (Republicans mostly) until I have enough to:
a. investigate and subsequently impeach Trump
b. pass a crapload of environmental regulations
Retire and travel across the world
Dfnoboy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:02:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
give a few million to each of my family and friends.
buy a sprinter van and piimp it out so two people can live in it.
go to korea and convince juyoung to quit her job and come back with me. drive around everywhere for the rest of our lives.
Treeman17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:02:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Roughly 822 billion pounds and with the UK national debt being 1.8 trillion pounds you still wouldnt make that much of an impact. and with the US national debt being 19 Trillion dollars again it wouldnt even dent it!!
however you could bail out Greece as their National Debt is only 372 Billion dollars!!! so spend spend spend!!!!
User_337 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:02:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest all of it in Spacex so I can get the hell off this planet
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:02:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I could finally buy a Brazzers account.
Engineer_ThorW_Away ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:02:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fly to japan to discuss innovations in Thorium reactors and try to make more sustainable energy across the globe. Basically begin to start a second Gates foundation to help as many people in the world as possible.
Pay off the debt of all my friends and set up a plan that enables them to pursue their passions and invest in themselves. Explain to them why we
cantshouldn't just go to the Ritz in Miami and bang prostitutes. Send my mom to Paris because I know she'd love to see it. Get my dad better doctors. Give my brother and his family a house that isn't falling apart. Eat a bitch'en Kobe Beef steak. Find a way to sue my old university for their disgusting mis-use of funds considering they have one of the highest tuition in the country and are grossly under staff/supplied. Make a large contribution to said university once under new management. Finally Bang the cute girl I've gone on like 6 dates with. Visit my best friend in Vancouver that moved away for work/girlfriend.kabinetguy26 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:02:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a couple thousand acres of land. Create a drug rehab/prison/college/trade school. Try to actually rehabilitate people and help them become productive members of society. And buy a boat!
WolfOfWorldstar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:02:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Park it in high yield savings, live of the 1% yearly interest.
PudgeyPicklePal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:02:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would first build a series of homes in an area for my friends and myself. We're all married happily but regret the fact we all live so far away from each other. I'd like to use solar tiles on the roof, so the community wouldn't have to draw off of the local power grid, maybe even set up something to help other homeowners do the same. Then I'd likely set up a scholarship in my home town for kids having issues getting financial aid. Then, let's face it, I'd be super selfish and go travel the world (with my earlier mentioned friends of course) never work again, and probably spend most of it on books, video games or vehicles.
goldfeathered ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:02:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably just get high af and order some superfancy superexpensive food. Tomorrow I'd get to the legal stuff, bodyguards, attorneys etc.
oldartorias1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would see the world, then find an old fashioned girl and when all's been said and done, it's the things that are given, not won are the things that you earned
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well that money would have to actually come from some place. So I would immediately start reading the news to find out where it came from
speakingofsegues ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wonder why I switched bodies with a Rothschild.
NukeML ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretend nothing happened. Start spending an extra 10 or 15 dollars every day.
Not gonna drop out cuz ya gotta suck up all that juicy knowledge.
Wait, hold on. A trillion.
So if I live for another 80 years (which is probably an overestimation), I'd only have used less than half a million, out of a trillion.
Ok, scratch that. You know what?
I'd drop out. Fuck my making-the-world-a-better-place-scientist dream. I'd enjoy myself for the rest of my days.
I'd go to Germany and England and Sydney and New Zealand and Easter Island and D.C. and New York and Antarctica and Tibet.
But if we find the key to immortality in my lifetimeโฆ
then after I hike on Mars I'm gonna come back on a spaceship full of women, then get sent towards the sun alone, where I'll press the self-destruct button before it gets hot.
TheGoddamnRobin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time.
_lofigoodness ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start my own America with hookers and black jack
djnev ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my debts. Go to Heathrow. Fly to Tahiti. That's about it.
its_real_I_swear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build a high speed rail line along the Northeast corridor
Mark7A ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep as I no longer need to get up at 0500.
LawnShipper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy an engagement ring, an island, and a local native population. Throw money at relief efforts for natural disasters as they happen around the world.
And ASPCA would get a huge chunk, too.
person135086 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i would first off invest heavily into spacex, and stuff like the gates foundation till i only have ~100 million left for myself, which i could live quite comfortably off of for a long time, plus id alwasy carry around 100$ bills to give to people that look like they are having a rough day.
dirkmer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 million chicks at the same time, that's what I'd do.
Condorman73 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get a lawyer and financial advisor. Set aside enough for my family and friends to be comfortable forever. Have some fun. Look at some numbers and donate accordingly. For example, if it would cost $100 million to fund every homeless shelter in American for 5 years I would do that. On to the next one. It would cost $200 million to fund Planned Parenthood for a decade? Done. Etc. Etc.
TroyMcClor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Begin.
JesusLaZeus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would spend 25 billion convincing congressman to change the constition to allow me to be the king of the united states and basically make my title the 4th check and balance.
Narcil4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build a safe and clean energy research center somewhere in Europe and hire a ton of smart people. Their first order of business would be developing a commercially viable Thorium Reactor and when it's proven open source the designs and help people build them.
i'd keep a million dollar to buy a house/electric car/wife of course.
Raspberries-Are-Evil ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Privately fund a mission to Mars.
M1A1M1A1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seven words: wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube men
wenttoofar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Run for president saying I'm a man of the people then act like I'm the best.
TacoBellTitties ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start my own anti troll company. Manly a skilled team of lawyers, technical people, and professional assholes to harass people taking advantage of our litigious system to bury and bully the average defenseless American Joe.
Rodartep ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build one of those maglev trains to launch satellites into space.
Theguythatishere ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Walk outside with no pants on because....why give a damn at that point
Maslover51 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably try to figure out the mistake and fix it. Get the money back to whoever it belongs to to avoid getting shot.
Cpont ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm going to go to the bank and find out if it's legit, or if its sketchy. If it's legit, I would buy Nintendo.
Cunicularius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make a post to r/personalfinance
SixOnTheBeach ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Blow it all on food and shelter
wighty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Y'all are so wrong.
I would immediately buy a shirt with 4 commas and be the founding member of Cuatro Commas club.
office_procrastinate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
get dressed, go to work.
nill0c ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wonder how the value of the dollar got so low.
jennifer3333 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would start a mortgage company. Help people by a house in 100 payments, maybe 102 to cover the accounting. That way people could own a house in a little over 8 years and not pay 22 years of interest.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cut a deal with the CIA for lifetime protection in exchange for the interest, then become a VC.
TrevorX5J9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
โข Distribute the money to different bank accounts. โข Keep 1/5 in a local safekeeping place โข Buy a home โข Buy a car โข Invest another 1/5 in stocks โข Move to another state โข Keep 1/5 to live comfortably โข Spend 1/5 on stuff I want โข Keep remaining money as money for tax/healthcare/etc.
Pterosaur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:10:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know 1/5 of a trillion is 200 billion. You're going to keep 200 billion in cash somewhere local?
TrevorX5J9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If there's will, there's a way. Buy an extremely large vault if that's possible and install it in my house.
Manadox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire a lawyer. Actually, fuck it, I'll buy my own fucking law firm (but seriously I'll need a lawyer).
barcode7845 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I will think about purchasing winrar.
taskmasterlewis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuckin nothing, then buy my first house the next day and live off interest for life
JulianPerry ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy ALL the Reddit Gold!
Didsota ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed. I am sleeping in. Fuck work.
T-Geiger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hm... a trillion dollar hookerbot or one trillion one dollar hookerbots?
Freyzi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Assuming this is a sort of genie like set up where I don't have to explain to my country's government or bank where this money came from.
Just act normal. Buy myself a nice and modern but not extravagant house, get my drivers licence and again, a nice and modern but not super expensive car, live my life in private and secret luxury and travel the the world.
Any woman I'd date would not get to know of my money and I'd simply say that I make good living off stocks or some shit.
Using the same lie I'd pay off my parents debts, help them both get into better homes and better doctors for their health problems and support my sister in her career in being an artist.
They key really is just to be careful and make people assume that at most I make a few hundred thousand dollars a year and as long I don't spend too much too quickly there should be no suspicion.
HanZolo916 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Daaaaaamn. Give everything but a billion to Bill Gates. He knows charity. The rest to buy stuff and build stuff :)
KnitSocksHardRocks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hide it everywhere I could and move it to as many accounts as i could. Leave the country immediately to one without an extradition treaty. Pay off everyone I could in that country and change my name. Do some serious philanthropy in my new name so the locals like me. All the while bury and hide gold and other precious items where ever i can. Someone will discover the mistake eventually and I want make it as hard as I can for them to get me.
5Im4r4d0r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hookers and cocaine.
powderhound17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two girls at the same time man...
HeIsIAndIAmHim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cocaine
keepinitpg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TBH, Id probably give at least half away; schools, hospitals, renewable energy etc.
ackrameez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take out money to clear student loans. Then burn it. I'm not gonna be responsible for world hyper inflation all by myself.
ackrameez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shit, I'd cause air pollution on my own.
pcvcolin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1) Buy up bitcoin and gold (not with coinbase or any other web wallet, duh)
2) Get a protection team
3) Get a few lawyers (or have a legal firm just available to do whatever I need them to) to deal with the ramifications of suddenly having 1 trillion dollars (tax, other legal things)
4) Ensure that the wealth is divided up between different non-FATCA banks in countries that do not have a FATCA IGA (thus avoiding a lot of tax problems)
5) Pay off any and all debts (not just mine but my entire family's)
6) Get property in Idaho and get the hell out of California (though maybe get a property in California I can return to when I visit)
7) Set up a foundation of some kind that would have both investment/profitable and charitable purpose. The objective would be to use a bunch of the funds for socially meaningful investments that would get a reasonable rate of return and also encourage scientific innovation, free markets, 1A / 2A rights, and / or liberty. That would cause the funds to grow over time so the money just wouldn't be eventually spent and then be gone. A sector of the foundation would be involved in donations (small and large scale donations, for example, grants to people who want to start a small business in the United States, or small project assistance for people in developing nations). The idea would be to have net growth of the finances but also continue doing donations.
8) Maybe go to the Moon or Mars. Also would want my own backyard shooting range (on Earth) and a place where I can tinker and work on projects to my heart's delight.
Here's the thing though... for a lot of the above (not all of it but a lot of it), you don't need a lot of money to accomplish the goals described. Sure a lot would be helpful, but you don't actually have to start (or end up with) a lot. Great video on the subject here.
MrPalomares69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:06:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy a large drink at the movie theaters.... and popcorn
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:06:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Feel comfortable skipping my 8 AM
sabu15 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:06:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i'd tell ya what i would do man... two chicks at the same time man
TheIronSponge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:06:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would go to work. I love my job (bartender) and the bar and community I work at/with. I'd definitely buy a house in town. Also probably a rolls royce. Then I'd pay my parents' debts and probably give them a billion so they could travel easily around the country and go to bluegrass festivals. Buy my brother and his fiancรฉ the house of their dreams. Open up a ramen shop because my city is in dire need of some good ramen in town. Basically try to stay grounded and better my community. Last thing I want is to be destroyed by my fortune. But I would definitely drink a Pimm's cup out of a pimp cup
ivoryhotfingers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:06:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
buy out every single republican in congress.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:06:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The first thing that I would do is pay off my student loans. Then I would buy a duplex. Then I would take enough money for me to live reasonably comfortable ( I don't really need much ) for the rest of my life including medical contingencies. Finally, after that is done I would take the rest of the money and buy up as many of the student loans that are over 10000 as possible and forgive them. It should benefit everyone in the US since it will free up a lot of people to start spending the money they were spending on student loans on other things.
cubfan1717 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:06:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Begin buying and protecting every available hectare of natural land that remains on planet earth
Tattoomikesp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:06:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would pay for that wall and save Mexico a few bucks.
Geometry314 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:06:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd arrange a paydeal with the government regarding student debts. I'd forgive a large sum (~300 Billion) immediately, with the intent of forgiving as many debts as possible. In exchange, public college education would be free in the US. And that the US is to switch to Metric. And that the government changes their voting system from first-past-the-post to numbered preference. This is probably a small demand, but I'm not very interested in politics, nor do I know the workings of it right now. However, some things just need a little convincing in the right direction.
I'd start my own supercompany in high-tech (~400 Billion). It will vertically independent, possessing resources, manufacturing, software, hardware, education, and security. This includes buying and building mines, refineries, factories, stores, colleges, and ISPs. Some parts of the company will have to be placed in North Korea, others can be wherever. By having vertical possession, a great deal of negotiation, red tape, and cost can be avoided.
Speaking of which, I'd go to war with North Korea as a non-state actor, and will personally negotiate immunity with all sides involved (~150 Billion) to immediately end what I consider to be a serious injustice. Best case scenario, I would become North Korea's benevolent dictator in 5 years (3 years to negotiate/plan/buy/conscript, 2 year to prepare and act) and have a 15 year plan of recovery. North Korea will then be named New Korea. The first five years is to provide immediate aid, improve public infrastructure and education, install the non-state military, negotiate peace treaties, and remove mines. Aid will be provided throughout the conflict. Second five years is to invite global leaders to New Korea, negotiate business deals, immigration, and prospects, begin forgiving crimes, retire the old guard, and listening to the people. If anyone wanted to leave New Korea now, this would be the time. Last five years is dedicated solely to cleaning up any messes, including the cult personality, jails, and rebellions. The goal is to reach the same technological state as South Korea, but ran instead by an AI. The military will receive an appropriate salary, as well as stock (0.01%) in the supercompany.
I'd spread invest in other companies globally like Tesla, Google, Lockheed, etc (~120 Billion). Half of the profits made from investments will go towards organizations/charities, a fourth will be reinvested, and the rest will be for myself.
Some (~20 Billion) would be distributed to my family and my extended family. This includes my three sisters, my nephew, my brother-in-law, his immediate and extended family (1st cousin), my father, my uncles, and my grandmother and her immediate and extended family (1st cousin). This is safely around 80 people, who would each get around $250 million dollars. This is still a lot of money.
A bit (~10 Billion) is for good measure. Lawyers, salesmen, marketers, bribes, spying, personal security, middle-men, personal donations, tithes, taxes, learning foreign and programming languages, learning the workings of politics, debts, making a Firefly sequel, extending my life, and etcetera.
Edited by stream of thought.
TL;DR Pay portion of US college debt in exchange for sensible things, conquer and fix North Korea as a benevolent dictator, run a supercompany that seeks to create a living AI, investing for myself and charity, and compensating my family.
NAVYPHAROE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:06:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Figure out my taxes.
SirPsychoSexy22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:06:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's like 1000 fuck-tons of money. All of my family and friends are quitting their jobs. Me and my girlfriend are going around the world for the next 10 years. I guess I'll still probably have enough to buy a company by then, so I'll buy a few companies and live off the profits, then probably try to solve world hunger with the rest of the 90 billion dollars
hellopandant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:06:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Set aside money for retirement and future kids' college fund and some money for some of the shit I want.
Most importantly use the rest of the money to help disadvantged kids. Whoever I can find. Sex trade, abuse, poverty etc. Maybe set up major safe houses. I honestly have no clue. But help, somehow
fixurgamebliz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:06:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire tax attorneys and CPAs to figure out what the fuck happened, and then to deal with the IRS for me.
Think about everyone I love and care about, set up trusts for $10M for every single one so they can just have at least $100K/year passive income.
Create some sort of charitable organization to help whomever the fuck I decide to help (which I'll figure out later).
Use that organization to sponsor a StarCraft: Brood War and StarCraft 2 association to create a huge influx of cash and talent into the scene. Team leagues, individual leagues, 24/7 curated streaming network.
Buy a controlling interest in Kodak and FujiFilm, make them bring back all the photographic film goodies I want despite the cost.
Private jet. Solid 2k-3k sqft penthouse apartments/condos in Chicago, NYC, SF, Denver, Havana, Maui, Paris, Tokyo, Osaka, Sydney, Seoul, Bangkok. Country homes in Ohio, Sorrento. Grand Cru Burgundian vineyard holdings and a winery. Furnished, staffed, ready to go within 6 months.
Travel with family and friends. See the world, do what I want to do, hope I don't get murdered or sick and die.
Browse /r/me_irl and realize that nothing has made me that much happier.
TenNinetythree ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:06:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call the bank! Something must've glitched on their end!
midnightauro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:07:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hobble out of bed. Acquire some health insurance. Buy a small house. Buy a new Smart car (I want one), then run through Taco Bell. We're having the steak quesadillas tonight son.
RonJohnsSurfShop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:07:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would a bunch of vape shit, I would buy 10 pounds of weed and get people and sell it,I would not go to school and get a lot of cool stuff, I would buy a car and a house, I would spend money on and island and build a house at the island then donate it -my table
r4ndy4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:07:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to work and see how long it takes me to get fired when I don't give a fuck.
Keonity ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:07:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get a Caramel Frappe at Starbucks a new computer and probably like $1k worth of Riot Points on LoL lmfao. Oh and gift all of my friends Civ V & VI because why not?
NuclearPowerRanger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:07:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Create the ultimate vigilante team and take down the powers at play that keep the rich rich and the poor poor.
cerebal_bawlsy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:07:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time.
sacredgeometry13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:07:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 chicks at the same time...
Hiro3212 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:07:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay OP to learn some simple grammar rules...
TheKid_BigE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:07:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drop out of high school but what I need to live and just stay put somewhere nice
Shiro_Fedelmid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:07:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably take a dump
ELI_Tripping ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:07:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Meet with Elon Musk and figure out what to do with his guidance.
OrcsLivesMatter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Move the fuck out of my boyfriend's parent's house
arquebus_x ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy food.
SeymourZ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time.
_Safine_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off the UK National Debt, with two conditions...
1) The UK Government never goes into debt again and runs it's budget at a yearly surplus every year
2) Me, my family, and any descendants will be kept financially without want. Terms to be discussed and decided.
3) And, a third one for luck. We migrate to a totally carbon neutral economy in the shortest time possible.
mittromniknight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For a while now my idea has been to support start-ups (e.g. no-interest loans; expert advice; etc.) that create jobs. This seems better than charity. Otherwise I would focus on my fav charities.
babyJohnny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
After making sure my family was taken care of, I'd probably just put most of it into making education and medical care free for everyone. I think I'd feel better doing something like that than spending it on useless junk I don't need.
itsover_anakin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
get it all in cash, take $100, set the rest on fire.
mygodman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time.
SavageHoliday ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Construct a money throne made purely out of withdrawls from the bank whose front lawn in building the throne on. Put up a sign that says "free money". Then just manically laugh and throw money at people.
I'm riiiiiich bioooooch - Dave Chapelle
stormerloupedx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put it all it bitcoin and buy drugs and lots of them and also pay bills
drunktacos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Realistically, I'd flip my shit thinking someone planted it in my bank account and be scared for my life.
Peridotix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
M A X I M U M P H I L A N T H R O P Y But seriously, I have what's basically unlimited money, why not give people Kickstarters in the form of money to achieve their hopes and dreams?
Tl;Dr don't give nice people money
Georgiafrog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy up a lot of my hometown and make improvements. Put in sidewalks, parks, open a brewery, several factories or software development firms, pay people top dollar and give incredible health care. I'd buy up land around town and designate it nature preserves, and maybe someday they'd name a cul de sac after me.
putcoolusernamehere ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Diversify my holdings.
ayyyyyyy-its-da-fonz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shit-Ass Pet Fuckers.
aether_tech ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy $5 Mil in a valuable non-perishing physical commodity - build a secret bunker for said commodity in the MN area (maybe north of Brainerd somewhere. Secure it, and walk away.)
Put $500k into my checking account for current expenses and "fun."
Invest the rest in dozens, if not hundreds of different Income Generating investment annuity accounts with companies like Fidelity, Prudential, Lincoln, etc... Set up an automated payment until retirement age for my ROTH IRA, 401K, SEP. Drop a few million to my parents and brother.
Take my girlfriend on trips to Italy, Japan, MN North Woods.
Make her my wife. Make two kids. Set up massive education funds accounts for them. Make sure they get schooling (great schooling) and find hobbies to enjoy.
Ensure the financial empire of my blood line for the next couple of eons unless something apocalyptic happens - in which case, the stock of non-perishable commodities should be there to help out.
Oh, and most importantly - DO NOT FUCK THE MARKET BY FLOODING IT WITH MONEY.
Though, I may set up a ultra-high quality low-cost computer parts enterprise (motherboards, graphics cards, ram, flash drives) for fun even if it doesn't generate profits. Gotta help out my fellow PCMR.
Edit - forgot to mention setting aside about 100 million for charitable investment accounts. Humane Society, Ronald McDonald house, FeedMyStarvingChildren.
Green_Eyed_Otter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ruin my life in a spectacular way.
Jon-Osterman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Be a modern-day Mansa Musa and devalue diamonds for decades to come
Choice77777 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd dig a few 50m wide and 5m deep canals that would go from the Atlantic ocean to the Indian ocean across the entire African continent. About 750 billions.
Canals would be spaced 100km apart and be perfectly parallel to the equator.
Each canal would have solar+wind powered desalination plants every 50km apart.
Also I'd spend 50 billions for 5 supercomputers and have them do telomerase/cancer/mental illness/herpes/aids research 24/7/365.
Spend 199 billions on antigravity research.
Spend part of 1 billion on family, friends, give to random people, buy a house on each continent and a Bugatti Vision GT, a S66 AMG, a VW Touareg Dakar ready version, and personal helicopter, and vtol jet fighter, and a F1 car with proper mufflers.
thehighepopt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is dumb. However, I'd write every household in the US a $4,500 check and then never work again.
metalunamutant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tweet that I wont the election bigly in spite of all the illegals voting.
citizennsnipps ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build a space program and try to colonize something or even try to build an autonomous station on some celestial body until it would be safe for man to go visit.
WhySoSeriousness ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest in solar jobs for republican leaning Americans, alongside a push for better global warming information. Build infrastructure for electric cars. Build sustainable power plants. Create an entirely free digital education that goes from kindergarten to masters, and distribute it worldwide, while connecting grad level students to work on meaningful problems with top tier universities.
Inmem58 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When being asked while checking out at the grocery if I'd like to donate a dollar, I probably would.
mastaofspasta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would just keep it all and spend a few at a time, mostly at charities.
TheRealMewt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd crash the economy.
quirm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest in the moon?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
king_jellyfish_prawn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy an Army and take over the world.
Korncakes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know exactly what I would do but I do know that not a single person that I currently have in my life would never see or hear from me again.
yota-runner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd hop in my company van and drive it down a boat ramp.
quirm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate to charity.
lrobinson42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd start buying politicians
mhb20002000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would brag to Trump that u have more money then him.
troyareyes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy everyone in the world a basket of onion rings.
robotronica ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jurassic Park. But I've learned from their mistakes. The park will be in an underwater compound like in Bioshock, so if there's a raptor escape or something, we flood those chambers and rebuild. Problem solved.
randomqhacker ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:13:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Life will find a way... Raptor shark!
Aladayle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's brilliant
Zer0DotFive ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed because fuck school and fuck work.
tankgirl85 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whatever I want.
quirm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:10:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cry
supersweetnoodles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:10:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stay woke
Hergrim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:10:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to work. Pay off my debts and any debts in the family. Make a few giant term deposits, invest some more, buy a few houses, then write and produce a fantasy TV series that makes GoT look like a network drama. When you can put a billion into each season and make every episode a movie, why wouldn't you?
bluebus74 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:10:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Guess I'd start counting manually. I calculate that if it came in all hundred dollar bills and you counted 24/7... It would take about 10.56 years. Better get started.
OneWordedSentence ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:10:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call in rich
elginx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:10:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cry and finally relax
killingmehere ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:10:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd call my dude, and be like. Hai baba stop looking for apartments to rent and find me a sweet house with a garden to buy and I'm on the next flight
hoopa1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:10:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy myself a dope ass gaming rig
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:10:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Disconnect forever.
eternalflowers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:10:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Realistically? Get legal help, shuffle it away in savings, keep going to school and work part time until I graduate, then quit my job and do some traveling for a while before I settle back down somewhere and work to find a career in my degree, feeling safe knowing that I have a very large rainy day fund.
In a fantasy world I'd quit my job, travel the world, become a famous artist, and have the best life ever.
corporaterebel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:10:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call Elon: "How can I help?"
RagingNixon112 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:10:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Burn it all in front of the homeless
snowman334 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:10:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1) Pay student loans
2) Pay credit card bills
3) Buy Nintendo Switch and play the new zelda while my boss wonders where the fuck I am.
Oh, and then I'd probably finally go to the dentist at some point.
Cake_Stealer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know I won't get a small loan of a million dollars.
algernanshagwallader ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Very first thing - I would go to Bagels Forever, buy a few bagels and a coffee and try to figure out what happened.
I would buy a house and have some of my friends (plus some licensing) help me turn it into a music venue for local bands. I would probably live there. I'd make it so my parents could retire then and there, and so my sister could pay off her student loans then and there. Donate to some good charities. Other than that, I would try to live life as normally as possible, with the exception of traveling a shitload and maybe working one less day per week.
rohanb727 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a country
fortnerd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
create some kind of organization/fund to fight global warming, provide education, housing, whatever to impoverished children in 3rd and 1st world, create an underground railroad to ship abused women/minorities out of countries where they ain't shit, pay for a documentary to be filmed about prison camps in North Korea....
delirious_deplorable ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Praise and thank God.
Consult a good attorney.
Buy a red Dodge Viper.
Get a great gun collection (HK45, AR-15, Uzi, Derringer, etc.).
Move into a new mansion.
Wear new clothes and accessories.
Take a road trip across America.
Travel around the Earth (African hunting safaris, Holy Land tours, etc.).
Donate generously to charity.
Help friends and family.
bigzeethetreeguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start building worlds best haram
OldManMalekith ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy my parents a new house, buy myself a nice house (bye parents, it's been cool), buy a car, pay off student loans (and sigh in relief that I wouldn't have to take out any more), pay my siblings' post-secondary ed if they decide to go. I'd figure out the rest as I went along.
suxesspool ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 chick's at the same time
Tryoxin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A few things:
1) Make sure no one else knows save for my parents.
2) Live life as normal for a while.
3) Organize the purchase (and possibly privatization) of a bank. That should help secure my (hidden) assets. Additionally, owning a bank will explain the wealth I make visible and make me less of a target.
4) Hire a security detail. Even if peeps don't know about my trillion, I don't need someone thinking they can kidnap or rob the billionaire in town.
5) Purchase a modest house in my hometown for recharging (see #9).
6) Purchase an island, because I've always wanted to do so.
7) Build a private home and a luxury resort on said island.
8) Quit job
9) Proceed to spend the rest of my life traveling the world in the lap of luxury.
Hatchworth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a really nice apartment in London and have the hallways changed to incorporate trampolines. Trampoline walls, trampoline ceilings, trampoline floors...
And also have a slinky room.
moco94 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
By myself a president... always wanted to own one
BodyBag93309 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Purchase every available share of Disney stock. Watch the price rise, and see everyone cash in on it. Sell my shares, with an order to purchase every available share at a ridiculous low amount. Own all public shares of Disney. Make a generous offer for all privately owned shares. Own all shares of Disney. Live in the parks. Sleep in room above Pirates in Anaheim.
vrtigo1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire a bunch of really smart people and create a company that essentially does what Google Fiber does, but for my local community. Put all of the gigantic ISPs and cable companies out of business in my area, because they all suck. I'd charge fair prices and have good service. I'd also create an arm of the company that makes sure all schools / libraries / charities / etc have the technology they need and another that works with my high schools and colleges to ensure we have the best tech training programs to attract and retain talent in our area. On a personal level, I'd work with the county and city municipalities to think up and fund other programs that would improve the quality of life for our residents (i.e. mass transit improvements, community programs, end homelessness/hunger, etc).
I figure that would probably take 5-10 years, after that I'd go on vacation.
Phylar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Begin supporting the ACLU, meet up with Elon Musk and Bill Gates, pay Warren Buffet 1mil and the promise of 10% personal return on any investments that gain, pay off my student loan, my friend's debts, buy a better car, hold monthly drawings here on Reddit, and hire an entire lawyer firm to draw up documents and protections for the money to prevent unlawful seizure of assets and reduce the capability of others to successfully sue.
ptanaka ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bet I wouldn't be on reddit
ArcaneGlyph ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job, pay off all debts, buy my family new homes and vehicles, buy the family farm and protect it for life as well. Enroll my nephews and son in private schools and then invest the rest while I spend life traveling the world and playing world of warcraft and fishing.
relish-tranya ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would try to get a good looking girlfriend.
Tacdeho ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Realistically?
I'd buy a house for me, for everyone in my family, and for my best friends.
I'd literally buy my SO's house and give it to her shitty roommate and be like "Fuck off." Maybe upper decker his crapper cause fuck you, I'm rich.
Then I'd buy a Motorhome and tickets to literally every festival and show I want to see. VIP, all that shit. All expenses paid. I'd basically live at musical festivals. I'd just have to not go full Wook. I would also buy up like 500 full blown passes to festivals and hand them out to people at shows. "Hey man, wanna go to Summer Camp? Here's four passes and $1000 to get you there. Lock'n looks cool right? Take the family!"
Then I'd start a charity. Like a real one. I'd stop the amount of starving kids in the US. I'd sponsor people who's lives had gone for a bad turn.
If I can be altruistic with $100 in my bank account, I can do it with 1T.
After that? I dunno. I'd probably just do a bunch of cocaine.
Jaereth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy the company I currently work at and fire anyone who's ever looked at me funny.
DwarfShortage42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Place half in a bank and invest with the other half live off of interest
iGalaxy_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get up go to work etc. as I don't check my bank account every morning usually there's nothing in it.
If it was cash the weight of all that dosh would have crushed or suffocated me to death even if it fit in my house so yeah there's that.
bulbrook ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably make breakfast, then blow off work and play Zelda.
DeathSprings ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably start digging. Because even in 100 dollar bills thats still 10 billion notes.
iamxaq ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably go to work and act like I'm still poor-ish. Put the money into an investment. Tell nobody. Splurge on a computer, pay loans, and help my wife's parents pay off the farm with the interest.
Mrthrowaway1993 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put in my 2 weeks notice, give everyone in the office 10k. Hire an attorney and a financial advisor. Buy my dad a new car and give every single family member a million dollars and friends 100k each. Sell our house and donate the money to charity. Buy a few neighborhoods and give the houses to family members (family is a large part of our culture and being close to each other is important for us). Start a scholarship fund for lower income students in the Midwest and start rebuilding and focusing on mentorship and youth focus groups in impoverished areas in the US. I'd invest a few billion and then probably just go back to school to keep studying and learning forever without the stress of keeping up grades or looking for a job.
j4390jamie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1 Trillion?, Call the bank, email the bank, make sure I have written confirmation from the bank that this is my money. Contact a lawyer, make sure I have every legal piece of paper and confirmation I need that this is my money.
Hire a team of Financial advisers, divide my money into portions, invest in the safest stocks and bonds, then some for better returns.
Then hire several high class assistants, best of the best, then hire a security detail. Then hire a back-end team of people to make my requests into actions.
Then just do what I want, I want to fly somewhere, I tell my assistant she relays it to the team, bam done. I want to give 100 million to some charity, assistant, team, plan, done.
Holiday?, done.
Sit around all day?, done.
That's it really anything I want.
DrMackDDS2014 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wonder how inflation got so high overnight
ttam23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Somehow try to explain it to the IRS
the-bid-d ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Find a way to kill that Damn snail
GobbusterMX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy a sweet home and marry my girlfriend. We would probably still work for a year (finishing our radiology residency) and then pack up our things and start a trip around the world, there's nothing I would love more than to go to every corner.
wtf_are_crepes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ramp a remote controlled Lamborghini laced with triggered explosives, off a giant custom ramp, over a lake, and explode it at the height of its trajectory.
notquiteotaku ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep.
RedditConsciousness ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy an Ohio sports team. Make them good somehow.
stalk_craft ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Panic, call my bank and ask why I was so suddenly rich af.
If I woke up with that much cash in my house, I'd call the po-po.
If I went thru all that and the funds were legit, hello new truck, hello long term investments, goodbye bills. Also, goodbye to my parents mortgage, my inlaws mortgage, and i would send random boxes of fecal matter to my sister-in-law anonymously (via a prank mail vendor, of course). Also, hello Loot Crate for life.
Technerdpgh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Divorce. Pretty sure shared financial issues is the only reason she stays with me. She really seems to dislike me on most days.
IKill4Cash ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I make half of a magic the gathering deck.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go into work, grab my stuff, and send my boss an email saying that I quit. Not that I hate my job or even dislike it. I'd rather not do it, if I don't have to.
Dr250TM ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed
adamsvette ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not realize it for like a week, because I don't check my bank account
MrHenry99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go out and buy my friends and family awesome stuff! Also tomorrow will be my 18th birthday so waking up to 1 trillion pounds would be quite the 18th birthday surprise :o
pickleofwonder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get a computer.
akjoltoy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy Google and take over and steer all of their r&d
jungleboy1212 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job
ISpikInglisVeriBest ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Greece, Italy and Albania and spend the rest 2,9 trill on hookers and stuff
ekidd744 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed
hoops_skywalker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time
My_Dogs_Are_Stupid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
-Have a gigantic fucking castle built
-Start trying to buy up large amounts of land to preserve wildlife, hopefully.
-Try to make my own national or even global news organization that's unbiased and isn't affected by politics or anything else. Since I'm a trillionaire, profits and outside influence wouldn't affect me.
-Make sure my family can live a comfortable life.
-I wonder if I could lobby the U.S. government enough to stop lobbying. I'm still young enough, so with enough time, I could eventually get enough officials elected to do it.
-Oh yeah, I'll finally be able to try Wagyu Kobe Beef. A whole new level of food has been opened to me.
donnydarhko ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give NASA $500 Billion. The US has been dragging its feet for too long.
frantzfanonical ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dance. Dance a lot, playing music obnoxiously loud.
Cockednlocked45 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:14:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get the wifes car fixed finally
DeserveDonuts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:14:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
go back to sleep
NightmareJimNelson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:14:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd go back to bed without a care in the world.
Gothika029 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:14:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Watch for the goddamn snail.
pixl8er ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:14:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Screw quitting my job, I'm going to keep being a barista, take some bar tending classes and work those jobs for fun. Also going to buy a house. Pay off parents debt. And transition the rest of the way sooner. Then I'm going to work on building my car more and doing what I want all while living life like I am now. Might invest a bit though.
The_Magic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:14:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Flee to Cuba and visit Castro.
Sebfofun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:14:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy myself a good year worth of mountain dew and doritos and maybe a gaming pc Give the rest to either Alzheimer's research or Cancer research
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:14:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy a bunch of land in the Pacific Northwest by a mountain and create my own town and build a high class residential development and allow all my friends to move to my city. Also would invest in futuristic companies and clean energy Maybe create my own university. It'd be like TrumpU but way more terrific
Yulfy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:14:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drag my entire family out for a nice meal that evening was the first thing that came to mind.
blablablaudia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:14:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy boyfriend a dog so he can stop begging for one then be upset that he can't afford it. He'll have to clean up after it though.
literalmirmaid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:14:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I checked my account balance this morning when I woke up and there was an extra $400 in my account by mistake. I immediately called and had it fixed. So... Probably get that checked out lol.
cowliflower ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:14:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit working, go travel. Buy a different but similar size house with a yard for my puppers.
ghost942 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:14:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
After making sure the bank has cleared it, drop 10% of 1T into a saving account. Just straight off the bat, no touching that money for any reason.
Give another 10% to my church, and let them decide what to do with it, provided it is only used for church functions/equipment.
The other 80% is all mine, more than likely used for building a dream house, new truck, more video games.
Best part is? I'll still go to work/my job, because I like doing what I do.
87westy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:14:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would fly into Minneapolis/St. Paul Minnesota and buy a cheap boat. Nothing fancy but ran and didn't smell like a urinal and had a kitchen and a place to sleep. Then, I would drive that boat to New Orleans taking a month or so. After that, I would hike the AT south to north.
ItsOnlyRocknRoll711 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:15:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 chicks at the same time...
minecraftschosen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:15:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
have a mansion built for me, the best possible gaming setup I can think of with 4 monitors, lawyers, bodyguards, a sweet car, and never have to work a day in my life
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:15:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest in VR tech, build the OASIS.
For those who are not enlightened, read Ready Player One, by Ernest Cline. The greatest book ever written.
Deefore ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:15:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cocain and hookers. Too lazy to find a link.
Funkicus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:15:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd use maybe 1bn to setup a fund to help pay for education/medical costs with applications considered from all US citizens who can provide categoric proof of their opposition to Trump. Something to soften the blow for cousins across the water from living with that as their leader for the next 4 years .
crochetmeteorologist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:15:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get a lawyer and make sure it's real. Then pay off the student loan debt my husband and I have. Get better cars. Buy a decent house with a damn yard. Adopt every dog within 500 miles. Set up a retirement fund for my in-laws and for us. Donate a buttload to charity.
ProdigalSheep ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:15:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everything!
justoutofcurious ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:15:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ask an accountant how to donate most of it. Live upper middle class for the rest of my life. No one person needs that much money.
AdviceMang ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:15:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start withdrawing large amounts and burying it with an excavator.
Cabadasss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:15:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 chicks at the same time
CIAgent42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:15:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my parents' mortgage and buy them a new house, then buy myself half of Tennessee and live in the Appalachian mountains playing one of my thirty thousand guitars for the rest of my days.
HYSS_Hysteria ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:15:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jaybirdmcd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:15:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whatever I wanted.
juicius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:15:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed. Fuck it. I'm rich.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:15:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would find and say to a guy with at least 10 bulls, "lets make a deal. I will give you [x-amount] of money and you deliver only one bull to these 10 people. Do not be see delivering these 10 bulls."
diox8tony ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
...
TheDalekKid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
one trillion cans of arizona iced tea (not including tax). then i recycle all those cans- in michigan so i get ten cents instead of five- and use the money to buy more arizona. rinse and repeat. it's genius.
teebox222 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Collapse my state's economy
jmdybf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd make Dan Bilzerian look like a choir boy
jplevene ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go straight back to sleep, safe in the knowledge that I don't have to worry about work.
TripleMetal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd eat more prosciutto.
whitestraightcowboy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jack it. Naked. In San Diego
MissGreatPersonality ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i'd run away from my 3rd world country with my family
I_Xertz_Tittynopes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd set up a Nigerian prince scam, and actually pay out money to some people. It would throw off everyone's distrust of the scam.
thisguyhasaname ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly I don't know.
If a bank has it they're gonna be broke very quickly so I'd start my own bank just for myself, no interest obviously.
Once that matter is settled, I'd probably give 1 million to each person in my family.
Buy a private jet and start getting lessons on how to fly in the meantime having someone fly for me,
Would go see my Internet friends earlier than expected.
Buy a mansion, get a maid and butler.
Get every video game I want, buy out Comcast and AT&T and improve their infrastructure and get high speed internet all over the states.
BestFriendWatermelon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate 99.9% of it to the government treasury.
Matau013 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If it wasn't a bank error? I would build my forge, fix up my house, pay off all the bills, upgrade my PC to handle AAA games, Travel for a while, and then invest the rest of it.
Before anyone asks "what about family" my mom can suck a lemon.. it is her fault I am 50K in debt and can't do any of these things now.
beebstx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not a damn thing.
Gsusruls ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wonder immediately what my tax liability was. (I'm such an adult)
vipervwv ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm going back to bed. I don't have to go to work.
deadlytrex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldn't change anything but after I got out of class I'd go pay off my car loan. After I graduated go to any grad school I'd want then kinda coast as a professor with some really cool loot
1Jeremiah1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy one trillion potatoes
VeryLoudAlfie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I woke up with a trillion dollars I'd pack all my things Go pick up my daughter Buy a house Put a good chunk of it into a an account for her And take her to see the world. Just kinda give her everything this life has to offer. I'd also pay off my grandmas house. And I think id go to target a little bit more I could use a new shirt.
Rising_Swell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my countries debt, bribe enough people in my country that recreational marijuana becomes legal, buy lots of weed and be high as fuck. Not necessarily in that order.
dare2smile ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My usual lottery plan - Split evenly between my siblings, parents and myself, and those 7 accounts are then turned into a "lifetime account" and an "allowance account". Allowance account is 1-4% annual withdrawal of the lifetime account.
_Liaison_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate to Planned Parenthood, start an atheist scholarship, donate to FFRF, start a women in STEM scholarship, fund no kill shelters, set up an appointment for experimental ketamine injections for depression, set aside a college fund for my niece and nephews, create a series of billboards throughout Florida next to the anti-abortion billboards with false claims, create a super PAC for Elizabeth Warren for President of the US...oh so many things
Heroinunicorn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd save about 100 million for me, my family and future. The rest would go into a humanitarian cost headed by me. I want the world to have an actual difference. Not the cover of making a difference.
terriblegoat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the president of the united states, shouldn't be difficult.
flangehammerdeluxe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest wisely. Use the approx 30-50Billion annual earnings to fund - stem cell research for every possible disease - micro-satellite global free Internet access - an alternate space based free Internet - non IEEE protocol research and implementation - sub-AI super-efficient spam prevention - total e-privacy/anonymity - quantum computing based access device design and manufacture - acquisition/partnership with amenable Sub-Saharan, South-east Asian other regionally disparate small nations for massive scale infrastructure investment to support the siting of manufacturing facilities. - free education up to PhD in these nations - free healthcare too - nanotechnology for medicine and environmental cleanup - ocean life restocking - funding for responsible free press and media distributed through the above infrastructure - deep sea mineral recovery from 'dead zones' - graphene, buckyball, carbon fibre, nanotube manufacturing from oceanically recovered carbon - wormhole tech
WrightingPiper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Absolutely nothing.
buzzcut13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All the pizza I could buy. Dear Lord.
hhtran91 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably buy all the popcorn at the movie theater. That or printer ink
IgniteThatShit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably start by getting legal advice.
After that, I'd buy the best computer parts on the market and make everyone on r/pcmasterrace look like peasants. I'd have one monster rig for gaming, and another with all the best parts for graphic design, for like photoshop and stuff. Maybe a pc or laptop for making music. I really wanna learn how to produce music.
Get really good internet. Get a better phone than what I have. Spend some on myself, just on other fun stuff like vacations.
Put some away, and donate the rest to people who need it. I wouldn't give it to charity, because I can't really trust any. I would just walk down low income areas and find people who need it, but obviously I wouldn't just give it to them. I would make it so they could only use the money on improving their own life.
maddiemoiselle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First thing I'd do is pay off my credit card.
just_some_random_dud ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at same time man. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A939QRRSNV4
grandpablazer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call my bank
Zero-Power ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd have a free money Friday event take place in some of the most impoverished areas of the world, where I'll try to give away as much money as possible
j4242 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd quit my depressing retail job and get legal advice but also pay off all of my parents' debt, mortgage, and my sister's medical bills.
I'd save it and still budget but I'd probably also buy my dad an expensive guitar he's been wanting.
InformalCriticism ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep.
oldcreaker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start offering a million dollars for anyone who can provide proof for one of Trump's bogus tweet claims like the wiretapping or the busloads of voters driven to NH.
teepring ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"What will you do if you woke up..."
Masturbate...
"With 1 trillion dollars?"
Furiously.
RandomHero27 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a bigass plot of land, build a big ass parking lot/runway/helipad on it. Build a big ass garage that i can live in. Spend the rest of my days doing drift car shit with my drift car friends.
Boots_n_cat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off half of my student loans
naomiukiri ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay for grammar school for you
NetContribution ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Set up my own private military and fight in conflicts around the world for fun. Become the real life Big Boss.
xxxGamingNoob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I woke up with a trillions dollars I would give gold to every user in this post
Hucklemybuckle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:18:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy an American presidency
camdavis9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:18:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest in American infrastructure to fulfill a task of the Trump administration
SPARTAN036 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:18:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First quit my day job (for now). Buy a car finally. Donate to my acting group, probably start a fund or something to help small theatres. Send my family to Costa Rica with a home.
Get myself a small place in a big film city. Start auditioning.
Cu5FeS4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:18:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off the debt of everyone I care about. Just get everyone back to a zero balance...what they do after that is up to them.
SmokeyTheStonerBear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:18:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a lifetime supply of drugs and then give the rest away. Maybe invest some so I can make more over time to continue giving away.
blasek0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:18:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy the rights to all my favorite game franchises and start my own game studio.
ihavenolifeee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:18:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy some RSGP and clean people on RS
leavingNYCtoday ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:18:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep.
killercylon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:18:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For your safety and the safety of others you'd have to keep that a secret and quickly and quietly move your family.
It's so much money that you'd never be safe. I wonder how long your net worth could be kept a secret.
TheClayrooAtWork ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:18:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the Penguins and Flyers, then move the Flyers to Alaska.
WeirdAssKidLel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:18:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make the most impenetrable vault on earth, make the billions I have left into gold, put it in the safe and come for a gold brick when the money isn't long enough.
Warsum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:18:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start my own ISP like Google fiber because fuck these money grabbing whores. Once infrastructure is laid charge like 5-10 dollars a month for it.
Also tell my dad to quit his job and both my parents to go get whatever they want.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:18:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Live of the interest
PM_ME_UR_BLOWJOB_PIC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:18:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get a tax attorney.
PoisonousPanacea ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:18:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd invest half into the weed business, then use the other half to buy a shit ton of weed
Phredex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:18:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Disappear, and hire a handful of Lawyers and Tax guys. Through a surrogate.
Wilikersthegreat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would quit my job and buy a normal house and a decent car then take bathes in my piles of money which would ultimately lead to me getting skin aids from all that filthy money. I would then use a few billion to research a cure for skin aids and then sell my cure for another trillion.
Eternal-Lion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd leave.
demodave45 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
absolutely anything i wanted for the rest of my life
iroll20s ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is that a British trillion or an American trillion?
Plethorian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My /r/4StepPlan (note: work in progress) would begin to become reality.
BboyEdgyBrah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably begin my quest to become the president of the world. I'd be a benevolent dictator, don't worry guys. I will be going through my reddit comments to see whoever flamed me though, you guys worry.
tinyman392 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Three words: high interest loans. Loan shark. I'll become a loan shark. only kidding though, or am I?
hazie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I tell you what I'd do man.
2 million girls at the same time.
wcruse92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy NASA, Buy Elon Musk. Combine them. Make Mass Relays. Discover Alien Species. Discover evil tentacle bots. Defeat evil tentacle bots. Not die at the end.
dogpound9219 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Prob make some coffee
Newageinstein ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Burn 99.9% of it as to not flood the market, but still have 1 billion dollars
ottrocity ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off half of my student loans
PepeSylvia11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Be set for life on .00001% of it. Give the rest to charities that'll help improve our earth in various fields.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Look at my account. Smile. Go back to sleep.
halloweenynuna ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a simple human, I'd finally get a car and a new matress. I'd figure everything else out later. No more bus or lumpy bag mat for me!
Zentaurion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Help Kim Jong-whatever buy some actual nukes so he can stop being full of shit. Then watch the major world powers respond to having the fear of God put back into them.
Dschilling333 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would donate most all to environmental research; then spend the rest of my life traveling
ReverendEnder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time.
bnich11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would write a check for $349B to the IRS for income taxes. Then live my life to the fullest.
Durgenheim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd drain the Great Lakes and turn them all into gigantic ball pits.
MeanderingWall ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Find lawyer, verify money is mine, if so immediately move to canada buy and stock a self sufficient farm property.
Nice_Melt_Pleb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy reddit.
ecco5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy back America.
bananas_and_hoes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kill myself so I can wake up but then I die for real
Unusualmann ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would take my mornint dump because there is nothing you can do with one trillion dollars that takes priority over that
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wipe out student debt, invest 500 billion in universal healthcare, and use the rest to resolve other impending social crises. I would keep 1 million to invest and 1 million for myself and immediate family.
noisewar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would finance a huge operation to embarrass political scumbags. Trump would get drive-by hair-dyings like the pieings of old. I'd have parades of gay Trump impersonators following him all the time. I'd build a bat-signal to project Trump steaks into the NYC sky right next to his tower. I'd buy Twitter and have them randomly change his avatars to gaff faces, and occasionally auto-translate his tweets into Russian. Every billboard in a given city would be his face photoshopped onto a hilarious meme. I would start Mama Trump's Affordable Healthkare, the mascot being him in a maid's outfit, and give people discounted coverage for each item that Republicare tries to take out. I don't even hate him that much, but I can't think a funnier person to do it to.
theshinygreen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:20:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Reddit gold
Orangebanannax ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:20:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Move out of my parents house, pay off college, and buy a ton of junk.
ImmodestPolitician ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:20:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1) start a tequila brand called "4 Comma Club".
2) I would print some t-shirts and trucker hats with the same brand.
3) create a political PAC called, "I PAC dicks in my Mouth for Cash".
SteveJEO ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:20:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Laugh.
Then I pay off a good chunk of my country's debt.
Invest a chunk of it into local research institutions. Sponsor local education and manufacturing. Improve local infrastructure. Encourage environmental best practice and and start awarding quite reasonable grants to the most imaginative students I could attract.
SoulFire6464 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:20:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a house, pay off my college tuition, buy a bottle of scotch from every distillery in Scotland, and then put it all in a bank so I get interest from it.
psycharious ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:20:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
After fixing all my problems and paying student loans, the obvious answer is to become Batman.
Matt2142 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:20:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a same day flight to Germany, surprise my girlfriend at her work, touch the butt. Fly her to Paris, same day, get some fancy french food and spend the weekend with her.
Fly back home for Uni classes on monday. Finish Uni because I am about 7 week away from graduating while flying to Germany every weekend. Then graduate and move to Germany to be with her and donate something like 100 billion of it to assorted charities and 100 million to my dad and brother.
cam130894 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:20:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get a bunch of hookers and cocaine!
UrAssDumIsMe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This guy knows how to be rich.
Moses_The_Wise ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:20:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Uhm. I'd probably put it in a bank account, use it to get through college then take half of what's left at the end of that into a saving account so it makes muns.
am74 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:20:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've always thought what would my waiter's face look like when tipped $1 mill, guess I'll never know.
Sunnewer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:20:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tell noone and live good.
I'm fairly simple, I'd get a Golf GTI to avoid too much attention and...well, do whatever I want to do right now.
Kitten_of_Death ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:20:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Weep for the coming hyper-inflation.
kindrudekid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:20:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest 90% , with remaining buy house for me, parents and my aunt, a new Subaru for them too, a new car for a friend who doesn't have one. Give litter to my company budget for food so team is not limited to 10 dollars.
With remaining , pay my car loan off. With remaining , invest 50% in angel investing.
Get a dog.
BourbonTheSecond ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:20:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Convert it into Sterling
ยฃยฃยฃ kerrching! ยฃยฃยฃ
Shicko93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:20:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably play some LoL, buy myself to challenger. Oh, also solve world hunger. By feeding in challenger.
Gollomor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:20:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get my stuff together, move to another country buy a house and a shitload of food. Don't tell anyone and enjoy my loneliness like I used to do.
pembroke529 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:20:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd still buy the canned soup on sale.
But, then again, I'd buy the soup company and make sure the soup is always on sale.
asianwaste ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:20:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start doing the math on how much I have to destroy in order to maximize the value of each dollar before inflation starts taking into account of the appearance of magical money.
Vikkly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
make Brazil autonomous.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Most likely I would love to remove all the student loan debt for students past and present. I'm going through that right now and no one needs to suffer through that.
c0rb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep.
areyoucallingmealiar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd quit my job and hire a plane to fly around the job site with a banner that says "Fuck you Julian", he's the boss.
Lostinyourears ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Breath of the Wild.
LightsOutDicksOut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably do a shit ton of lobbying
BiggieCheeze ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put it all on red, then you have 2 trillion
khbonez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Try meth
iamcline ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Save that money for the Steam sales.
yannaswag ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy all alarm clocks in the world and turn them into snooze buttons then watch people panic as they get late to everywhere while you just sit back and relax 'cause you got (little less than) a trillion fuckin' dollars.
akjohnston87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Protect myself from Mr Burns and the hellfish
Gwinjey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy an election
Imitation_Krabs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off 1 trillion dollars of U.S. debt
benunciojr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy a new shirt.
nutless93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Guns, NFA guns, houses/property, trucks, race cars and I know some of you think Trump tower look super tacky with gold windows just wait....... platinum windows with a gold trim.
White-Lantern ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep I suppose. I normally wake up tired and not normally believing what I see when I open my eyes.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First: Call out sick from work. Second: Arrange to have $100K in pennies hand delivered to the home address of the head of Fedloan Servicing Third: Make a large donation to the Brain & Behavior Research Foundation Fourth: Fund the creation of an Invisibility Cloak Fifth: Disappear
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get murdered
taranasus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Find out the source of the funds: if it's in error they will most probably find the error easily so I'd just notify the bank of an error. If it's legit there are a few actions:
Step 1: go to the London tesla dealership by train (as it will be my last train ride) and argue with them until i can buy the display model so I can drive away.
Step 1.5: place an order for another tesla for a close friend.
Step 2: look on my phone where the first property with a multi car garage is and drive to the estate agent to seal the deal and pay for it.
Step 3: by this time work would have called me to ask where the fuck I am. Tell them I quit and follow up with an official email of resignation and also offering to pay for my 2 months of notice
Step 4: drive to the wife's office and pick her up in the tesla, explain everything while driving to the old house to get some of our invaluable stuff (harddrives with photos, birth certificates, that sandwich I left in the fridge because it was so good)
Step 5: call the friend I bought the tesla for to tell him, and ask him to kindly put me in touch with his accountant brother to figure out how best to invest the money)
Step 6: order pc parts for a new super computer to the new house address
Step 7: drive to the new house and start making random free video games for everyone to enjoy.
From there, live off of dividends, set up a game development studio and travel the world every now and again.
ImNotFromTheInternet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All. On. Red.
dangerstar19 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to my shitty retail job for one more day to see how many people I can tell to go fuck themselves before they kick me out.
Move the hell away from florida.
Buy a piece of property out in the middle of nowhere and have a beautiful (but humble) home built exactly to my liking.
Live out the rest of my days enjoying my hobbies and traveling. With a trillion, I'd also retire my parents and put my little brother through college.
Katasch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1) Hire some security 2) Hire some lawyers 3) Hire some personal assitant that solves all the daily stuff 4) Hire some escort ;) (hey some fun should be included) 5) Fly to some exclusive resort on an exotic island to meditate about how to spend the money 6) Contact Bill Gates - if someone knows how to put their money into good stuff it is him.
Hankmoody2r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hookers and cocaine.
queenelle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Follow my dreams.
His_little_pet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my student loans, buy a house, buy a lot of pretty clothes, buy expensive sex toys, plan a vacation with my boyfriend, buy other fancy expensive things, make a reservation at an expensive restaurant, start a college scholarship, give some money to my dad, buy nice art supplies, buy all of the magic cards I want, and happily live the rest of my life off of the interest while working part time.
ManicMockingbird ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Upgrade my PC so I can look at Reddit in 144fps 4K
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy all of Stan Kroenke's sports teams and actually turn them into winners and move the Rams back to St. Louis.
Also buy my own private penguin exhibit.
urinesampler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get assassinated most likely
izzfoshizz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job. Acquire a cannabis farm on the west coast. Purchase all of the latest and greatest tech to make sure my home is self-sustaining. Adopt a ton of dogs. Retire.
Dr_Smeegee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not a god-damned thing.
EntityofNothing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1 trillion 1 dollar hookerbots, or 1 1 trillion dollar hookerbot.
watchthisradio ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go right back to sleep.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Purchase WinRAR.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
probably burn it all to avoid crashing the economy.
also cause i like fires fires are pretty
knucklesdotdot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd fucking build an overpass in my town. It's ridiculous that a goddamn train can tie up the entire downtown for 20 minutes right when everybody is trying to get to work in the morning or back from lunch. And it's not like it's every day, so it's unpredictable. Fucking assholes. And I have no idea why the city won't do anything about it.
Don't get me wrong, with a trillion dollars I'm not living in this shithole anymore, but I'd still build that overpass. I'd build fucking 3 of them. How could they say no?
Then I'd start thinking about better ways to spend it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy or build a small town in which I'm the mayor.
Build my dream home.
Build my dream car.
Learn how to drive.
garlocka ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lurk around on Reddit.
INYH ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd quit my job, buy a house, and start talking to my wife about having kids, since financial stability is a large part of my hesitation. I'd find a good lawyer and start looking into projects that I want to do when I'm older. Lots of public sites like a public workspace (with shop tools) and a large wooden playground for adults. I would also get advice from people about how best to help the homeless population in my city (it's absurdly large)
I would then probably do some selfish things like fix up cosmetic things about my body that I don't like.
fluideborah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy out Putin.
ljackson07 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to work late without pants on, because I don't give a shit! People with this kind of money don't have to wear pants.
shokk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Disappear from the rat race
Ghostbuster_119 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to work and make a spectacular exit... Doves, fireworks, even bring prince back for a day.
MachoMelon11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy new parts for my PC then keep playing video games.
laser99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd setup the infrastructure for clean water for every human. Flint included
Draconiou5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest to live off of interest; buy my own house, a supercar, a Tesla, and a big-ass truck; and finally โ CHARITY BITCHES!!!
tyranicalteabagger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pull a Bill Gates and figure out how to put it to good use doing good things for humanity. Give some of the billions to friends and family and some into various investments so that I and my descendants never have to worry about money again. Live whatever kind of life that I want living off of the interest.
auglove ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd go back to bed for a few hours and sleep in!
faithle55 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call Bill Gates about giving $999 billion away to deserving causes.
SpideyPoolRomance ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would pay my debts, learn how to invest it wisely, buy a couple acres of land, commission the house of my dreams. Learn how to drive, get a fuel efficient car, open college funds for the kids.... Call it a small loan.
SteelApple ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep because I wouldn't have to work anymore
inconceivable15 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd completely renounce my citzenships, assassinate Kim Jong Un, install myself as dictator of North Korea and use the money to start building a viable infrastructure and repress the rebellion by the people who were so brainwashed they thought he was doing good. Invite high level economists to come advise, and try to turn the repressive hellhole into a functioning, self sustaining economy. Donate rest to company researching cheap ways to filter and clean water
David_mcnasty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep in then contact whoever the hell controls the Fable Franchise and offer to pay a fucking cool billion for them to make a legitimate sequel or two for the series instead of that kinect bullshit.
Hairless-Sasquatch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably have an anxiety attack and end up in an American hospital where my 1 trillion dollars will be gone because of the bill.
AltIForgotReason4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drop out of school, get legal advice, ask out the girl I like, and try to be nice to those that were nice to me
Fatty_McHotpants ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i would buy detroit and make it the most beautiful city in the history of the world
Higher_higher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would fund NASAs search for life on the moons of Jupiter.
rozzachu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Move out of my current home into the nearby city, put away 1bn dollars and give the rest to several charities and give every homeless person in my city a significant lump each.
The 1bn will sustain me for life with room for luxuries like going out with friends or buying a new PC, so I don't need the rest.
Edit: had to add an extra point for more context.
Dreadmonkey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give the IRS 20% so that they leave me alone and not suddenly have to pay them 200 billion dollars.
Pay my bills, still leaves me with the better part of 800 billion.
Travel with at least one billion, that leaves ~799 Billion
Fund a bunch of projects with about about 798 billion, just for fun.
Sit on my last billion because fuck man a billion dollars is still a shitton of money.
paradiselost79 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off all my debt... I might have a few bucks left to invest in tax free bonds.
spinaltap48 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i would buy NASA and or fund the shit out if it.
harrygorgonkle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would hope I survived my heart attack that would happen immediately.
JayPet94 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd make my own lottery, with blackjack and hookers!
PCToTheMax ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably buy about a trillion McDoubles
FiscalClifBar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
agm66 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two million chicks at the same time.
Qweem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would call bill gates and ask if there's anything I can help his broke ass with.
Necro_infernus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Coffee...
Vaganhope_UAE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably try to get an hour of sleep more
AkumaBengoshi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:25:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hit snooze
Denamic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:25:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I buy 4 ply TP and bask in the obscene luxury of it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:25:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would immediately run a campaign for president. I would make America responsible for all major decisions by holding public voting on all major potential moves. Right now we elect a person in a popularity contest, and then once they win they never ask us, the people, for our permission or opinion on anything. This is why bad guy after bad guy keep getting into these seats of power.
So I will publicly launch investigations into every member of congress and such, and if they are found to ever have taken dirty money to pass a law that hurts their people, then they will be fired and we can hold new elections. My point is that we need to give power of government back to the people, instead of putting all our faith in literally one man to do the right thing, which they never do.
With my trillion dollars I won't need sponsors of any kind, and I will run a campaign of transparency, and revealing as much truth as possible To the American public as often as possible. I will pump some of my own money into our education system, to create an informed voting population of the future, who learned in exciting and thought provoking ways during their school years about the systems of their government, how to file their own taxes and be intelligent members of the system; quite like the 1 percent are right now. I will educate the masses on what their mass produced "food" is made of, I will nominate legitimate and respected scientists of diffterent fields to positions where they may flourish (if the American public deems it right), and I will officially separate church and state in a REAL way, meaning we won't interfere but these people ARE going to pay taxes once and for all.
I will put on full blast the corrupt ones, the ego driven evil ones, and the backstabbers. I will speak eloquently and calmly, positively and with Great charisma, to educate and inform our general population. I will look deeply into main issues of our society like immigration, abortion, marijuana, etc, and I will use the votes of the people and baseline common sense to arrive and logical conclusions that hurt as few people as possible.
I will always make the public aware of the treacherous truths of our three letter agencies like CIA and FBI and DEA, and I will expose the traitors and lifers in these systems that work dillegently to oppress all Americans and suppress any truth. I will make sure the main stream news becomes actual news again, by simply passing a law that makes third party advertising that masquerades as official news illegal, removing the incentive of major corporations to pay millions of dollars to push their own agenda on the minds of the masses.
And finally, for right now, I will ensure that America stays free by protecting our rights on the internet, our rights to freedom of speech. No more arresting peaceful protestors. No more imprisoning innocent people for victimless petty marijuana crimses. I will encourage local businesses, and American economic growth, by giving the people the tools necessary to understand how to create a small business. And I will strike at the major banks and the especially corrupt federal reserve with all my power, to ensure without a doubt that these institutions work for us and in our best interests, instead of against us and our upward mobility.
Under my presidency America will have an identity ahain. Every man woman and child may be hopeful of our future and the future of the world. We will, together, restore relationships with our friends across the world, and try to build new peaceful bridges to our enemies, so we may no longer fight. Under my presidency, Americans will be proud to wave their flag ahain, and the rest of the world will look to us again as a beacon of light and a pillar of innovation in this rapidly changing world.
Thank you very much. -Pat for Pres
chrispy_bacon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:25:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the politicians out and make 'em vote the way I want.
losers_and_weirdos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:25:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
go back to sleep.
jpaull06 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:25:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take grammar lessons
Fork117 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:25:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My co-workers and I had this conversation the other day.
Buy whole life insurance up front. So when I die, my loved ones are guaranteed money.
Invest in a tech company working on external prosthetics to help my nephew walk. ( he has spina bifida)
Engagement ring/wedding. (She has been waiting long enough. 3+ years)
Build a home with a barn remodeled with a bar to host weddings. (Solid investment, people love barn weddings)
5 pay my my friends grad school debt. (He is becoming a doctor, 250k of debt once he is out)
KilKidd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:25:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep, cause i wouldnt give a fuck about anything at that point
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:25:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get a large property, probably 100 acres or so, maybe more.
Then put a 20 metre wall around it.
Then make my own town.
BlazingHadouken ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:25:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to my morning lecture. Live in "student poverty" for another few weeks until I check my bank account. Call my parents and let them know. Then seek legal/financial counsel on what to do with such an absurd sum of money (after taking my friends out for a ridiculously lavish dinner). Probably get a nice place with a short commute to my school, finish out my degree, and keep going to school for other things (not that I'd need to, I just like learning). Travel on breaks. Summer homes in various countries. Probably some charitable efforts. Then build a moon base and slowly descend into supervillainy.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:25:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off the mortgage of every house in a how ever many mile radius that half of that could pay off. Buy out all the businesses in my town and transform my town into a Utopia. I'm a dreamer. I doubt I would have the necessary cooperation to make something like that go down though.
TrofeoZ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:25:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Artificially build an island and become a country
Lazaras ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take my morning shit
FaithIsFoolish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy 1 trillion lottery tickets
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire an accountant, lawyer, financial adviser, and security team and hope the news wasn't out before they showed up. Hire a second of all those to audit the first. Hole up in the most expensive hotel in town, figuring they deal with plenty of celebs and wealthy business people so security should be good. Lease a nice, easily secured beach house for the spring, and start figuring out what I want to do with the rest of my life... Lots of travel and fishing for sure, charity work, more hobbies, etc.
superblam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would pay off 1/40th of the US Debt and watch the money supply contract.
Nalortebi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start lubing and stretching exercises in my ass so I'm prepared for the right fucking I'll get from the IRS, FBI, and CIA for suddenly becoming the world's first trillionaire. I'd also go about procuring a catering service, since I'd hate for any of those agents to run a calorie deficit whilst interrogating me and do something brash. Probably also hire some blackwater-esque security detail since I'm now a very enticing hostage. And, of course, put some trustworthy law firm on retainer to handle what will most likely be a mountain of paperwork. Also look into getting an accounting firm to help me avoid all those pesky taxes. I'll see if Donny has any recommendations.
After the initial wave is done, and the IRS taxes me to death, I'll take the rest and probably start investing it in politics. I've always wanted to effect positive change, but I'm limited in my capacity as a mundane individual. I'd like to get money out of politics and give the voice back to the people. I'd work to undo gerrymandering. I'd make sure we're collecting our fair share from the able, and providing the means to self-sufficiency to those lacking.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Remind my kids that nothing has changed: I pay for their college and leave everything to various charities in my will.
I ain't raisin' no trust fund babies!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call up my friends and tell em we buyin a mansion.
Then we all quit our jobs and travel the world. Probably start angel investing.
Tireseas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably put away a fraction to live on then set about making life unfathomably uncomfortable for those with extreme karmic debt, starting with a good many politicians who've currently forgotten why they exist.
biscostud ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I probably swing a three way. That's the only way a guy like me could pull that off.
cantgetmylegsright ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You get a house. You get a house. Everybody gets a house!
CeeLoSlice ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time, man.
joblagz2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
buy a huge house and party everyday.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Become president of the United States which will make me the richest and most powerful man on earth.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:27:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd run fiber lines all over the whole country (USA) and buy anything I need to, to gain access to existing fiber lines, and buy out small cable/isp companies.
I'd bring Google on board to rapidly expand google fiber and get a Google Fiber (or mine) available to every physical address in the United States.
I'd turn it on, and charge everyone 25 cents per Megabit of bandwidth (400 mbit for $100 a month) with symmetrical uploads and you can run servers in your home and have dedicated ip addresses.
Then we'd pop up cell towers on our fiber all over the country until we have 100% US coverage, and I'd bottom out the price on it, $20 a month cell phone plan, unlimited talk/text/data (5G). I'd give Google exclusive access to them for Project FI, wouldn't even bother selling my own cell phone plans or phones.
The end goal: Topple the Monolithic reign of ISPs in America and their crappy service and be a country with one of the best internets in the world again.
timkunedo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:27:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 chicks at the same time.
GuruKid21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:27:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Disappear or take over the world. Depending on the side of the bed i wake up on
unc_bernie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:27:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time.
Mandala_Eyes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:27:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why has no one said invest it and stay rich forever?
TNeewton ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:27:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Turn 98 & die the next day.
BirdieeBaked ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:27:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to the dollar store.
forfucksakewhatnow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:27:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll tell you what I'd do... https://youtu.be/A939QRRSNV4
aRTie02150 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:27:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldn't tell a soul. When people know you have money, the worst side of themselves shows.
Morphie12121 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:27:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Crush the economy just by having about 90% of the total amount of liquidity, apparently
whatsupwithjack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:27:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bout to find out with this Bitcoin ETF SEC decision looming!
dandaman64 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:27:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put money aside for every loan I would need to pay off, the rest can go to my construction of the Death Star.
apost8n8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:27:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would start a nationwide program of merit based bonuses for public education workers to substantially supplement the income of the best and brightest teachers. This would potentially attract people that are tempted to work in industry rather than teach because of the money. I could dump just half of the money into that and have enough, not counting compounding interest, to pay every teacher in america $10000 more a year on average for the next 12 years. Maybe I could offer free or substantially reduced housing to highly qualified teacher to teach in troubled areas. I'd obviously have to do a bunch of work to maximize the benefit but basically try very hard to massively invest and control aspects of public education seems to me, the best hope for a better future.
Louisvillian50 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:27:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get into politics and push for the right things, not the things I've been paid to do.
BIG_BOOTY_BISHES ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:27:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy winrar
DaddysWetPeen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:27:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 chicks at the same time... and a dick ton of heroin.
Heh_Disguised_Toast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:27:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Toss half into a stock with a 3-4% dividend, stop going to school and hire world class chefs to prepare my meals. Maybe buy a country.
robby_synclair ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:28:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep because I don't have to work.
Alazypanda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:28:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy cocaine, hookers and a private island. Make a will that says the winner of a giant battle royal to the death on my island gets my money. Invite everyone to my island for a party, die of cocaine overdose now my island is a giant bloodbath.
GamiCross ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:28:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rest easily knowing I have myself and at least ONE member of my family covered for medical costs.
Boondala ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:28:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would make Finland real.
Hageshii01 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:28:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1) Finance the heart transplant my girlfriend needs (but isn't in immediate danger of dying from, so it's mostly just sitting there waiting).
2) Pay off my student loans.
3) Buy a new car. Nothing super expensive; like a new Toyota or a Nissan or something.
4) Buy a house. Again, nothing super expensive (not a mansion), maybe 3 bedroom, 2 bath. Dream home in a quieter rural area.
5) Upgrade my computer.
6) Build my gf a computer.
7) Give some money to my parents. I don't know how much right now.
8) Donate to all the charities I give a fuck about.
9) Put the rest into a saving's account. Accrue interest. Live off interest while being able to spend whatever I want on whatever interests me.
10) Quit my job.
11) Maybe open a gaming store. Possibly go for my doctorate in biology.
thatpersonrightthere ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:28:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd try to get robbed, just to turn on the robber and say I can turn their life around. get them to school, buy them nice clothes, etc. I'd build a high rise appartment building, and then make it the world's best homeless center, where you get a free appartment, but must register and accept supervision and on the spot professional help. that would cost at most 10 billion dollars to help all the homeless. I would then offer donald trump to erase his debts if he leaves the US and comes to canada to be my personal jester (say what you want, I've been laughing ever since he got in office) and then offer to buy out anyone who goes to jail for making him do it. I'd buy out every coal mine and turn them in solar farms, and make researches on how to throw us in a polar age of eternal winter, with summer temperature reaching +15 C in the heart in canada and +25 C in the south (for if I ever want to go on vacation)
cos_caustic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:28:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
FOUR chicks at the same time.
8wdude8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:28:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd freak out and try to find out if its legit or not. If it is legit then I might spend it like crazy.
DrapedInVelvet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:28:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably be murdered immediately for my money.
AboveTheAshes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:28:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cry tears of joy knowing all my problems are solved.
HarryBahlsack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:28:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Enjoy the frustration I was about to create for people I don't like. OH YES I WOULD.
Kandierter_Holzapfel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:28:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build a giant golden castle on a giant palladium plated yacht swimming on a pool in a giant titanium plane flying in a enormous stanford-torus in orbit around Jupiter.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:28:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing too crazy. You know, house, car, boat, the usual stuff.
Oh, and then I'd set up a shell company, buy a different company I don't like, run that business into the ground, then reverse-merge into the other one, and repurpose the whole thing to build a real-life Transformer.
achievement_for_you ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:28:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably suffocate because I don't think a trillion dollars could fit in my house. And if I survived somehow, I would buy a brand new car and drive to Colorado and buy up as many dispensaries as possible and smoke up the entire state for a few months for a couple bucks an ounce. With my new accredited fame, I would hopefully become the most well known cannabis industry entrepreneur and use that standing to fully support legalization so people with mental disorders (like myself) could finally get medicine without the overwhelming paranoia of being busted. And then for the rest of my days, I'd try and find some purpose without fear of needing to earn money, and go across the world talking to as many people as possible, trying to help them find out what their passion is.
hockey_jedi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:29:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep in
rufrignkidnme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:29:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
whatever I wanted.. but I'd probably start by destroying soros.
yy4yew ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:29:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd go to Wal-Mart and buy a baseball bat and a motorcycle helmet. Then drive to the closest Dollar Store. I'd walk strait to the register, slap 100k cash on the counter, then look at the cashier and say "GET OUT!". Then proceed to smash everything in the store just for fun.
CaptRory ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:29:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy gold and a couple of big duffel bags. Just in case. Then I'd have a lot of fun. And help a lot of people. Everyone I know would basically get $10,000 outright.
idea_roux ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:29:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed
iseir ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:29:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
pay off all my loans and find a house with very little monthly expenses to live in. then rent a small office space and attempt to make a fulltime job out of making Roleplaying games.
that or get a job as a janitor to have on the side.
Boost-Cat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:29:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd realize that this amount would indefinitely destabilize the US economy, so I'd use it responsibly.
PM_your_music ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:29:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Resign from the presidency of the united states
Mclovinintheoven ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:29:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate alot and buy really expensive guitars
Caelum_Cantorus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:29:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my mom's medical bills
Spaghetti007 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:29:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
take over the american government.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:29:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would get very angry.
acheron53 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:29:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would pay off all of my debt and then pay to have my grandma's house fully restored. Then I would commission a castle in the mountains to be built for me with a couple million dollar price tag. The final thing I would do that day would be to go on gofundme or kickstarter and donate to causes I think are deserving. People need hope in their lives.
aidviasnris ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:29:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Teach people how to spell
redshift83 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:30:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
buy a house
AmberPowerMan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:30:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Farm until it was all gone.
dannuu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:30:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would first have to convince myself I'm not going insane.
I-lack-conviction ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:30:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd get a money manger ( not sure if that's the real name)
I'd pay my parents out of debt .
Get my grandparents five nurses , not because I'm nice but because my mom loves them (they're kind of shitty people .)
I'd buy all my poor friends the things they deserve , like depression medication and fallout games .
then me and my brother would travel the world on foot and we'd play bass and guitar . Then when we'd get bored we'd just go home .
Then on my non-traveling time I'd go to school.
I'd never do something crazy like buy an island or a amusement park . Hell I wouldn't even own a mansion. I'd just live and love my life with a heart no longer filled with dissatisfaction and dismay.
Oh and some weed , yeah I'd like to try that !
thatserver ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:30:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take over US politics.
Ask_me_about_my_pug ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:30:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would sleep in.
silentjay01 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:30:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate $167,000 to the US Government to pay off my share of the National Debt and then tell them to leave me alone.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:30:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put out a bounty of $1 billion on the life of James Corden, with the promise of the family getting the money if they're imprisoned for doing it.
NilkiMay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:30:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go on a real long vacation, pay of all debt of immediate family members and myself, buy everyone a house and a new car. Donate to my favorite charities and sent some kids to college.
With the rest I would just live comfortably. Travel the world until I am tired of it.
Bulletproofnate85 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:30:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fix diabetes then have a sit down with Elon musk to do some real damage.
Realsan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:30:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest literally all of it into researching immortality, but in secret. Only thing I can think of that might be achieved with that kind of money and would be worth far more than that to have.
Tocoapuffs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:30:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to work for another three months. If nothing has happened with it by then, I feel like it's safe to use it.
chipaca ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:30:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was taught a trillion was a billion billions, and a billion was a million millions. So I'd have more money than a lot of people here are imagining.
I'd probably make myself a really nice cheese toastie, for starters.
blewws ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:30:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always thought if I was rich I would use the money to supplement the income of people I think would be more useful to mankind doing their own thing. I work with a guy at some shitty minimum wage rental place and he grows and studies fungi and carnivorous plants. He's always talking about it and he's extremely smart. I truly believe he would make an impact on the botanical/mycological world if he could spend all his time working on that.
nikkitgirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:30:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not know because I rarely check my account.
mcmanybucks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:30:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Private Island
5000/5000 Fiber connection
Mansion
Staff
Smaller mansion for staff
Life size statue of Thrall kicking Garrosh's ass.
Helicopter w/ pilot.
A squadron of marines to protect my island
mansion for marines including fitness room.
Trebuchet
RG-ST ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:30:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cocaine.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:30:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy all the 2020 US government Secretary of _________ positions.
If Emperor Tinyhands' crew can do it, so can I.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:30:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to a casino and "gamble" the trillion on red, playing roulette. RED!
Now I have two.
Rey16 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:31:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In this order:
Pay off my student loans.
Replace my old car.
Wonder where the 1 trillion dollars came from.
Get legal advice.
deadly_penguin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:31:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call the bank, and see why my balance is in USD.
Johnnylongball ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:31:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Live the life I want
stackered ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:31:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
build a self sustaining submarine house that can survive any apocalyptic scenario, can produce its own oxygen and food, etc.
then get a nice new PC and play some overwatch and smoke weed
oh and solve world hunger too
itsatrapp_eh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:31:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Personally I would want to see what type of difference I could make in some of the impoverished countries. I would put aside lets say 100M for myself and the other 900M would go towards providing sustainable infrastructure to people who live without running water or housing.
KJ6BWB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:31:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed. It's just a dream.
Ok, here's what I'd really do. Form a Nevada corporation (they're the only ones who can have secret stockholders) with a good lawyer, financial analyst, and CPA, all set up to receive good bonuses for keeping everything running smoothly. Then I'd hire on a few more lawyers, analysts, and CPA's, all responsible to double check each other. All checks have to be signed by two parties, or at least reviewed and signed off on by two parties, etc.
I'd keep three million for me because that would be plenty for me to ensure a great retirement at a decent enough lifestyle.
Then I'd attempt to give away the rest of the trillion while continuing to live my life and work, etc. The hard part would be deciding where to give that all away to. How do you spend something like that without destroying economies and helping to ensure that actual good use is being made of the money? I mean, sure, we could go build a $20,000 house for all 9 million people in Mexico City and still have plenty of money left over for other things, but now we've put a fair number of construction people out of work and started a massive inflationary housing bubble.
If I can make an analogy, when you're a giant, it seems like it would be really hard to avoid leaving small craters in the road as you walk around -- the roads weren't designed with giants in mind.
Maybe I'd have to spend the rest of my life managing this money, which could be a wonderful adventure but I'm not sure that I'd actually be ready for something like that. Whatever happened, though, life as I know it would never be the same again.
Of course I'd want to help my parents/siblings pay off a house, but then what? Who is my neighbor, who should I spend my time helping? When "my neighbor" could conceivably be "everyone in the world" then we start entering the paradox of choice, where you're paralyzed and can't choose precisely because there are too many possible choices.
I suppose I'd start looking for good groups who are already being wise stewards with their money, and start funneling some more money to them. LDS Charities, the Salvation Army, some Freemason Grand Lodges (depending on what their officer salaries are). Probably not the American Red Cross.
http://www.consumerreports.org/charities/best-charities-for-your-donations/ has some good choices -- I thought it was a little funny how they had no good charities listed for "police and firefighter support". Kind of sad, but funny in a "it's better to laugh than cry" sort of way.
That's a lot of money.
So, why a Nevada corporation with secret stockholders? Well, there are a lot of people in terrible positions. If you don't keep it secret that you have that kind of money, you will spend all your time with people contacting you with horror stories. "My children all happen to have cancer and they're going to die unless I can get $180,000 to pay for their medical treatment over the next two years." "My husband was abusive, stole my ID, thrashed my credit, now me and my kids are going to have to live on the street unless we can get $50k to pay back property tax, $40k to pay off all the credit cards he took out in my name, and $15k to pay off the liens on my future income that some creditors took out on me."
How do you not respond to things like that unless you harden your heart to the point where you're just not as nice of a person anymore? And how do you know they're telling the truth? You would spend all your time researching and trying to figure out who's lying, if they're lying. Does the first person's children actually have cancer, and are there actually kids? Did the second person have their identity stolen or were they foolish with their money? Nobody has time to respond to everything like that. I remember one guy in Georgia I think, who won the lottery twice and now he gets stopped by police and hassled all the time after he said that he didn't want to donate any money to the city that he lives in, which is apparently going bankrupt and may not be able to pay its police salaries anymore. People have legitimate concerns and you can't help everyone. Even a trillion dollars isn't close to enough to solve everyone's problems in the entire world.
Only people who can keep their mouth shut and who are going to be helping manage/spend stuff wisely need to be brought into the picture. I'd probably start a series of companies owned by the "parent" company, so that anyone working for one of the "child" companies would think that I was a rich philanthropist, but not a trillion dollars rich -- that kind of money is probably more of a curse than a blessing.
I know this is all fiction, conjecture, speculation, but I probably wouldn't be able to handle more than about 100 million at this point in my life and even then I'd be fighting hard to try to make sure that I was being a good enough steward over my new wealth that I wouldn't feel bad about it later -- it would be a real life changer. I don't think I could handle a trillion dollars at this point in my life. Maybe never.
stackered ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:31:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
invent biological immortality for humans
mirdha419 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:31:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Try to desalinate and dump water into the Sahara desert to create a mini sea. Then cover it with solar panels.
NotRalphNader ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:31:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build a house in a remote area that has internet (high speed satellite will do). House would range from 300k to 1 million depending on if I'm living in Vancouver or not.
About 4 to 10 acres.
A 2017 Honda Civic and a 2017 F150
A nice quad so I can go out on the trails.
An in ground pool and a nice deck.
A nice garden
Keep two million to myself and give the same sort of life to all my friends and family.
Donate 50k at a time to various people who I felt just needed a shot so they could get out of the "I'm stuck here" mentality.
Donate to charities that I see as worth of donations.
Donate some to the Bill and Linda Gates foundation so we all don't die of some crazy desease.
Donate to Elon Musk so we can have self driving cars that will take us to the moon powered on the energizer bunny.
Live a quite life with a house, a wife, dog and kid.
Use the rest of my life to go to various prestigous universities and just learn crazy things, math, physics, philosophy, etc. Help humanity with what I learned.
Work out a bunch and use a lot of the latest supplements and longevity techniques to buy me more time and turn myself into a super human capable of morphing into an automobile.
Try to make the dreams of the poor to mid-level people come true.
rachaelrobbo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:31:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably still want to work.
Ag3nTTeresa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:31:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the company i work at, fire the people who treat me poorly, sell company to someone else.
rahomka ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:31:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably set my work email's out of office to respond with "eat a dick" in case anyone starts wondering where I am later in the day.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:31:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give to Donate Life
Give to science-based education foundations
Give to my heart transplant hospital
Setup foundation for families with medical debt/bills
Seek out the best medicine/vaccine/food relief organizations and give
Support secular and skeptical organizations
Give to cancer, Crohn's, ALS and a few more research organizations
Begin a non profit national foundation that pays for school lunches for all students K -12. Remove the entire school lunch program from government funding, but retain the standards
Develop a team of 4 of my closest and smartest friends to seek out the best use of charitable donations and begin an annual donation to the best
Give to well-vetted animal shelters
Pay my medical debt from my heart transplant
By a car
Buy a modest house
TheSilentArt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:32:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would stock up on enough of my preferred drug of choice to last me the rest of my life, go on a monumental bender and travel for a month or 2. Check into rehab when I get back and get clean, buy a house for my girlfriend and I, pay for the rest of her schooling, buy her everything she would need to start an animation studio of her own and start a restaurant for myself. Save most of it in assorted place and start investing, find a lawyer etc., live the good life for a while before I inevitablg fall back into the drugs, have a will to give money to certain people in case I die, inevitably die a few years later estranged from the ones i cared most about. Be found dead in a palace with scantily clad women everywhere, tons of drugs, booze, assorted questionable items, and my will would be enacted. I would use that money to help jumpstart addiction, cancer, and a few other good causes research and be remembered as a decent guy with a problem that hopefully helped changed lives after his death.
jutct ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:32:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start a massive plan to bankrupt Trump and get him thrown in jail.
needsfuelpump ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:32:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I buying a Rolls Royce. But not a new Rolls Royce, no. I'm talking one of those shitty body mid-80's Rolls Royces that you can find on Craigslist for $8,000.
paradox037 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:32:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With that much money, I'd buy my way into government control through various channels.
Want to destroy ISP and telecomm "not monopolies"? Buy a telecom and lobby that shit into the ground. Lobby to have internet reclassified as a utility. Regulatory capture the whole fucking industry. Create grants that incentivize townships to set up their own gigabit internet service.
Schools don't adequately prepare people for the real world? Grants and lawyers and buying politicians. Set up a comprehensive program, not just a funnel into college and student loan debt. It would encourage and educate on the trades and other practical skilled work that doesn't require a degree, in addition to providing resources for those predisposed to higher education.
And that's just for starters. I'd also make a point of doing all this under an alias or a pseudonym, and have a system in place to keep my identity a secret. Enemies aside, I just don't want that kind of attention. At least, not directly. I'd still enjoy hearing about the latest shenanigans attributed to my pseudonym.
iamnotaldonsmith ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:32:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd go back to be. I don't have work today, I'm gonna sleep in.
resipsaphotographer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:32:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Randomly select 2 people on the street. Tell them I have $20,000 to give away. They can either choose to "take" or "give" $10,000. If both choose "take," neither get any money. If both choose "give," both get $10,000. If one chooses "take" and the other chooses "give," the one that chose "take" gets $20,000 and the other gets nothing. Each person secretly writes their answer down on paper and hands it to me. Observe. Repeat.
systemidx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:32:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm surprised I haven't seen this in the top comments -- but, I'd hire a team of House-level doctors to put me through a battery of tests to make sure I don't have any ticking time bombs.
dbcanuck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:32:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a private island, build a mega fortress.
Declare sovereignty. Reinforce goodwill through brides and donations to numerous UN members to get formally recognized.
Create offshore financial services that are tax exempt and outside of regulator/reporting agencies, turn $1 trillion into several trillion via service fees over time.
Invest in renewalable energy technologies, ensuring that I maintain IP for anything invented. Then license technologies back to the rest of the world based on per capita rates.
RedDevilsEggs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:32:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd pay off Canada's Credit debt which is around 585 Billion dollars, then I'd happily accept being added to the Order of Canada, and launch a bid to be one of the Last Forever Senators in Canada's history.
After that I'd probably do two girls at one time.
MadScienceDreams ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:32:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep.
FULKTHERUDE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:32:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So yeah, I went full Bond villian.
UlfricStormCoat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would use my money to fund my own political movement, unite the human species, and then take us to the stars.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think I would also form a game studio, and we'd build an old school MMO like the EQ1 days, well I wouldn't, but I'd pay people billions to join me and work on it.
Godzilla_1954 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lawyer up and tell nobody
adanceparty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
sleep in, buy an average 1 story 3-4 bedroom house. Dump or sell most of my stuff and get nice stuff. Pay off my car, maybe trade it in for a newer one 2017 honda civic or something. Then I'd do what I do every weekend. I'd play video games, drink some beer, eat pizza and that's about it. I might put all of that off by a week though because my switch came late (just got it yesterday 3/8) so I'd just play zelda all week then do that stuff.
shamawala ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off everyone's student debt in the USA and watch the economy take off. I would make a deal with the government to pay me out $1B in return for paying off the debt. Definitely don't need the whole $1T.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
pay off my student loans as much as i could and then see if I couldn't refinance my house to a lower interest rate to make ends meet.
huntreilly25 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a mountain somewhere to build a nice little personal ski resort for my friends and family
jbabbz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing.
gwydapllew ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TiagoTiagoT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably first figure out how to invest in Bitcoin without hurting the market (I have no idea what's the size of the market; wouldn't wanna risk causing an unsustainable rise in price, I know it would survive the resulting crash, and might even stabilize at a higher price than before, but it would be bad for morale to have the price go down like that; maybe that's not enough money to have such an effect, but I dunno).
Then after separating a big chunk of the money for investment, I would start spending on small things I've been wanting for a while, better computer, new computer chair, a Vive, some drone related stuff, a easily rootable phone with tons of internal memory, sensors etc. And perhaps look for a plot in the neighborhood to build my house on. Mostly small quality of life stuff and some not too expensive toys; and leave the rest of the money just sitting making more money while I figure out how to best make use of it.
Oh, and I would separate some of the money to compensate my folks for supporting me all these years.
DeductiveFallacy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well first of all the US government will have a field day with it. While it won't really impact the national debt (from taxes) or anything like that I'm sure I'll have to face a ton of questions from a whole alphabet soup of organizations. Most likely it'll be held up/frozen for some period of time if not directly confiscated under civil forfeiture. Lets pretend I get through all that without going to jail and am left with 400 Billion (assuming tax rate of 60%). Now that's a ridiculous amount of cash-on-hand to have. Most people with large 'net worth' don't usually have anything close to that kind of dough to just throw around at any given time. I would have more in cash than all but 27 nations GDP for a whole year. If I was an evil/ignorant man I could crash just about any economy on the planet just by throwing my money around willy nilly. In all honesty though I'm more of a futurist type so I'd probably spent most of that money trying to get humanity off this rock and start spreading across the solar system. Right now we as a species are WAY too vulnerable sitting on one hunk of rock flying through the cosmos.
Orionsbelt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go talk to SpaceX/ULA/Bigelow (and skylon) and give them however much money they need to actually share data and work together to make humanity interplanetary asap. Buy amazing house in Florida/California looking out at the launch sites. Hopefully befriend Musk/google guys and then get some great doctors so I can live to see humanity actually spread out throughout the solar system.
Another option would just be to jump start an asteroid mining company and begin plans for a massive orbital shipyard to start building the required items for the above.
MattTheProgrammer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1 Trillion USD? Start my own ISP to compete in the fiber market. Unlimited 1gbps for $49.99 sound good to start?
MCShoveled ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy the 2020 election just so I could fuck thing up more and get my picture in the WH.
GloomyMayonnaise ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would probably brush my teeth.
mrlooolz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep.
linnux_lewis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lament the lack of purchasing power my 1 trillion dollars has relative to the guy who had 1 trillion dollars yesterday due to the fact that the money supply magically expanded by 1 trillion dollars over night
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd figure out the best way to lobby against the GOP and current administration.
Also, I would buy a Nintendo Switch. And the hottest VR. And probably some smart glasses -- are those still a thing?
Oh and some bad ass doggy treats for my pup.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:34:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Waste of money. Media and soros are already doing that.
AverageStormTrooper1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Become a national hero by covering 1/5 of the US foreign debt.
Vote_Subatai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:34:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Look for Shia LaBeouf to help me act out Eagle Eye 2.
AliveFromNewYork ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:34:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Find out the exact amount of money it would take for the Arctic monkeys to make a new album.
gokusotherson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:34:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hide that shit. And sit on it for a while
caessa_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:34:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call up Bioware and ask if i can get Mass Effect Andromeda early.
kickingandsinging ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:34:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
WhatsThatNoize ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:34:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And then I'd probably buy a whiskey sour and pray humanity finds a foothold to continue on in a better fashion than our current tribal state. Because I don't see us getting off this rock before I die right now. So I'd better fucking make it happen if I have the means.
wyatt022298 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:34:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably spend a couple grand and then run out of ideas
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:34:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly? I would call Bill Gates immediately. I feel like he's the only person who's advice I would trust on the matter.
Tj5witha4wheeldrive ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:35:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Finally finish my damn jeep
McGravin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:35:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start to wonder what I did last night.
$1000 is "I fucked somebody for cash" money. $100,000 is "I killed somebody for cash" money. But $1 trillion? Whatever I did, it probably made the papers.
Graoutchmeuh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:35:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Change it to euros.
FORu2SLOW ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:35:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Moon base then Mars base then Spartan program. Let's goooooo
iknowdanjones ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:35:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd hold on to a small percentage- which is still a whole lot of money, and then I would become an angel investor in a lot of companies and non profits that do good. I believe in the whole "millennial" future, because there are so many companies that want to do good and make money like Toms or so many other that I see on Shark Tank and Kickstarter.
I'm not an entrepreneur, so I'm not going to pretend that I would be of much use besides getting behind good people that want to change the world for the better.
As for selfish purchases, I'd get a nice house, buy an RV, and just travel with my wife.
DeltaBravo831 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:35:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Retire.
selftaughtatheist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:35:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd become VERY politically active. And people would actually listen to me.
juxodensauga ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:35:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Snooze.
kworel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:35:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:35:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lawyer up and acquire the permits to build a moat around my house so people can't break in.
Skateflip36011 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am going to microcenter then hosting a lan party with some of the most bad ass pcs I have ever built.
ko_funstuff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably blow it all on hollers and cocaine.
Pece17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would comission Witcher 3 developers to make sequel following Ciri as a witcher.
darkkingll ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Exchange it to euro's. :) pay of my mortgage, buy a 911 carrera 2.7 rs for weekends and for daily a triumph tiger and perhaps a ghibli, focus rs or abarth 124. Also, get a new pc, take a holiday to japan
idiotsonfire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do the same thing Elon Musk is doing, except with more everything.
Houses, cars, etc, the standard answers are all pretty damn boring.
Set up trust funds for my close friend's kids so that those kids can have an option later on of taking a lump sum, or working to retirement and then getting a dozen times more than the lump sum.
Also, fund groups that are trying to get a constitutional convention to get money out of politics, or get enough representatives and senators into office that agree that an amendment for free and fair elections is the right choice.
Also, get a big house, and adopt dozens of cats. Hire a cat butler and a cat maid to help me take care of them.
Also, fund another season of Megas XLR.
monsterfiend91 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So in all actuality $500 billion because taxes are a bitch. If it wasn't taxed stop or help the country you reside in of hunger.
Josh_From_Accounting ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1) figure out how much I need to pay in taxes now and how to keep it low 2) pay off all my student loans 3) pay off all my family member's mortgages and student loans 4) Buy my own house 5) bail my uncle's business out 6) Buy the best computer that can run any PC game 7) Buy a car 8) Take my girlfriend on an amazing date 9) Pay off all my friend's student loans 10) give my poor friend three million dollars so he wouldn't be poor
ohnospetsnaz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Die within 24 hours.
scmoua666 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
(serious) I'm afraid that having whatever I want whenever I want might lead to a depreciation of my overall pleasure. No sense of achievement.
Still, I would secure it all through whatever legal hoops I need to jump through. Then, travel the world for a few years. Then buy a house wherever I feel I'd be the happiest. Then, seriously think about what could have the most important impact on the welfare of the world. A few billions are enough to completely end world hunger, or a few hundred billions could mean solving climate change (possibly with floating solar panels around the earth), or desalinization plants throughout coastal regions, or buying a country and doing every recommendations of the Venus project (an utopia, basically). And I would finance research into Brain-Computer interfaces, to eventually become an A.I..
So, overall, 1 billion for me and the rest of my life (that will cover houses, travels, a good legacy for a potential family, and the methods to sustain life until we can be uploaded in the Matrix.
ButInAGoodWay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get some education on running a non-profit, and start a charity that hosts awesome events to raise money for veterans, homelessness, etc. Also, since I'd be a trillionaire, I'd probably donate a significant portion to worthwhile charities that don't pay their CEO's inflated salaries and barely make a difference in people's lives. With my spare time I'd help people pay off medical debt and go fishing. Also, i'd need a new truck, couple of jet skis, and a decent little fishing boat.
isperfectlycromulent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy a Chinook helicopter. I'd get that sucker street legal and drive it around like a giant RV. I'd also have it modified so the blades could fold up so I could go through the drive thru at McDonalds and not get hung up on everything. Naturally the blades would be able to unfold and I could just take off from wherever I am, like if I'm stuck on the highway and don't feel like dealing with traffic.
shit_fucks_you_up ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a whole shitload of land. Maybe an island or two. Start hiring a small staff of people to handle all my affairs ( personal lawyer / doctor / secretary / ball-washer). Surround myself with as many intelligent attractive women as possible. Then proceed to drink all day everyday until my heart gives out. Also I want some badass speakers.
commontabby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a huge plot of land in the Appalachians, build one house on it for my mother, one for my dad, one for my brother, one for my parents in law, and a little village of houses for various friends and guests, build a giant fence around the whole thing for miles so my dog could run around as much as she wanted, and live in a big happy family commune forever and ever and ever.
The other 999 billion dollars can burn for all I care but I guess I'd just start sending small fortunes to random deserving people all over the world.
EDIT: I'D ALSO GET 49 MORE DOGS, obviously, that is important.
xipha ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call the police to avoid jail.
Edit: I mean, think about it. Big brother is watching us. If police find out I get 1 trillion dollar out of nowhere from zeroyear, I am sure I will be guilty for something they came up with just to grab the cash. It is 1 trillion dollars. 2016 US Federal budget is 3T.
AttackOnTapTitan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start panicking, planning very carefully how to avoid inflating the market
statestreetsteve ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build a very expensive apartment complex on campus and put a very large arcade on the bottom floor. The building would have cheap singles toward the bottom, moderately priced doubles in the middle, and expensive apartments at the top for the rich assholes. Also invest into esports. Make a huge ass arena and offer generous cash prizes for the winning team. Offer a million dollar prize and I bet it grows very very fast. I'm pretty sure I could convince my city to allow a random tower and arena if it's paid for and it would boost the economy by a shit ton.
Maxnelin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest in sciences. I'd give people free education if they were focusing their studies on science. I'd buy tv and commercial time showing off scientists and treating them like rock stars. I would hold awards shows for science. I'd make the Grammies add science based awards for movies. I'd make science so ducking cool rock stars would want to grow up to be scientists. I would fund everything that seemed plausible. If you fudge facts or compromise your work though you are blacklisted. No more fake science. I will make a pro science propaganda team that will feed the populace science without them even knowing. I'll make churches of science. Places where people go to have a weekly community and help people and each other. The humanist church. I would build infrastructure and creat jobs based on the wonders we create. I would end world hunger with vertical farming. I would end the the thirst for power with renewable energy. I would spend all the rest of my time on earth propelling humanity into the future. I would hope to build not an empire, but a world that is ready to move to the next phase of human existence.
MahatmaGuru ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Step 1: Buy Private island Step 2: Debauchery
Mallet_Man ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tell no one
Sleep in later
Buy breakfast from Dennys (You gotta treat yourself)
Order 1 of everything on Amazon
Go back to sleep
evo_lve ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Valve, release HL3, become a legend.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd get paranoid asf probably and buy a mansion with shit ton of cameras, bodyguards, dogs etc. and then buy myself a jet and see the world
jcool4646 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
pay my college tution
Zear-0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not only disable, but delete all of my alarms.
msp430sux ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Host melee tournaments with insane prize pools for a good number of years. Hopefully that'd be motivation enough for people to start really grinding and break through the "Big 6" mold.
justacashier ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy a simple little house at the beach put some money away just in case .... then I would give as much away to people in need as possible
Raven_Skyhawk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the US presidency.
Delsana ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd do my best to spread it around to those in need and combat corporate corruption in politics as best I could.
serch54 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time...
dawisu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Transfer to a better Uni and finish my degree there.
Pay back the money I owe from my semester abroad.
Buy my own apartment in my new Uni City, nothing fancy. Just neat, clean, well lit and with an extra room for my family and friends to stay in.
Buy fucking fresh fruit, veggies and fish and make the healthiest meal I had in months.
Buy this high quality food processor kitchen machine I wanted for years to help with said meal.
Share that meal with my grandma and ask her if she has any wishes that could be fulfilled with money.
Ask my parents if there are any loans or whatever that need to get paid for.
Buy my Bro the parts for his PC he has been saving to custom build.
Invite all my friends to dinner and cocktails to repay all the times they invited my broke ass.
Donate to a womens rights organisation.
Donate to a animal protection organisation.
Visit my friends and family in the U S.
Errrrmm...
Try to figure out a safe strategy for the rest of the money.
Hire group of scientists to find a way to not make me (women in general) bleed so much and be in so much pain when on my period WITHOUT pumping my body with hormones/ damaging it it any way.
Hire someone to look into cool startups/ kickstarters that would make a difference in people's lives and show them to me so I can donate money to a different one each month.
Pay someone to follow people like Alex Jones around and treat him like he treats other people.
Get a personal trainer and find a dojo to figure out the right martial art for me and learn it.
Who am I lying too: To the three existing doggos, get even more doggos (After finishing my degree and moving to a property where they have enough space).
Get a nice quality leather jacket.
Hire someone to look for people who have ideas/scripts for movies/series and show them to me so I can give money to a new show/movie each month to get actually produced so we all get great entertainment because people arw fucking talented.
pilotavery ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Keep 1 million, donate the rest to various global problems, like education, water, etc.
The $1m will let me pay for my education, which is $105,000, and I'd simply do what I am still doing now. I'd stash the rest away and try not to use it.
statictonality ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1 trillion is enough to end world hunger and fund science and still have some left over. I'll keep about half a million and give the rest to the world.
MadafakerJones ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy reddit. Give Dave Chappelle his show back. Buy Netflix and Replace Shkreli as CEO
howboutdat92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy my parents a house and cars give them half of the trillion and give my brothers and sister money to do what they would like with it. I would pay off my student loans and any debt I have and live life normally.
V4ld1z ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
buy nintendo switches for all the people who still didn't get one but want one
TheHeroicOnion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Live a life of luxury and die with most of it unspent because it's so much fucking money.
Very_Literal_Answer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably buy a music shop and everything in it
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate a large amount to the local Humane Society, buy my mom the house back she raised me in, buy myself a few cars, a house, buy a ride on a rocket to space and invest at least 10 million for if I ever have kids.
The rest would go traveling around the world.
For the investment I believe the compounding interest for that much money after another 30 years would be specifically called a "butt load"
MaelstromRH ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd start off by searching for that reddit post about what to do if you win the lottery as the advice seemed pretty sound. After that I'd hire private tutors to help me with college and then I'd try and fund fusion research.
Masked_Death ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hide it somewhere. 100 billion goes on an account for interest so I'm set for life. Ask mom if I can move out, rent a small apartment so she doesn't get suspicious but have all the luxuries like the apartment being in another country so she can never see me again.
fratticus_maximus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay 1/20th of the US national debt and cry at the futility of my actions.
deltora ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
like its in piles in my room? call in sick and count it.
coatrack68 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm gonna buy that cat reading the newspaper and I'm going to have people give the cat a new newspaper ever day. What ever the cat is reading that day, I'm going to do.
CanYouDigItHombre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a piece of land, start my own country, have people to help me make it the best it can be, have scientist research it & propose solutions to problems or publish it's success and hope uncle sam (or russia) doesn't try to overthrow me and take control.
Tommeh1995 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I dont think i'd know for weeks. I only check by bank, hesitantly once or twice a month
lyn816153 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spend a lot of it on both curing 3rd world diseases, and birth control for the 3rd world.
rolskypolsky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy my girlfriend a fat ring
laddersdazed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a hamburger and a computer .
lucksh0t ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build my dream gaming PC buy a stupidly nice house and then get a financial advisor to take care of my money
forreslump ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Be Batman!
ride365 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
These are my life goals.
Relentless1USA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Breathe a sigh of relief and go back to bed.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy every single game there is on Steam
Pbart5195 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep.
NewLittleAlienGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time.
mikeysaid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd have a rainbow of babies with beautiful, brilliant women. Figure at three pregnancies a day, I could have a few thousand kids in a few years.
Kiva8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get the help I need and kick depression in its face!
soufend ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would make a sizable donation to my city's public school district. I'd buy a modest house - not in a rich area but in the neighborhood where my children will be going to school. I'd buy myself a luxury mid-size SUV. I'd gift some money to relatives to help out with health care needs. I'd buy Yeezy's even though I don't really care for them. Then I would go back to sleep. Oh, and then spend a month or two in Japan.
NutterTV ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude if I had $1 trillion I'd do what any rational person would do. I'd spend it all on blackjack and hookers.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
rebb1t ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:02:46 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't need to work hard for that to happen, just look at their stock prices mate
DrShadyBusiness ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start my own space agency. colonize the moon. Become Moon Emperor. Demand tribute from earth or i will rain down a fiery hellstorm of meteorites on population centres. GABOS MF. Game Aint Based On Sympathy Mother Fuckers. Continue to build my empire in space.
Unstawppable ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the first ticket to Mars
Archycangiveadamn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep and see what's waiting for me the next day
DJ_GiantMidget ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a small country, buy a bunch of guns, run shit how I want
dragon_morgan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:39:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Colonize Mars
katiecrimespree ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:39:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire who I need to hire, build what I need to build, and train in any and every way possible to build an army dedicated to protecting elephants.
Leopold_CXIX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:39:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Immediately quit giving a fuck about anything.
Hippoyawn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:39:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Prostitutes. So many prostitutes.
supergreatperson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:39:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Greece
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:41:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
shit
muffinTrees ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:39:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Back to bed
ComebacKids ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:39:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to sleep and see if I wake up with another 1 trillion.
Tudpool ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:39:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whatever the hell I want.
multiple_iterations ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:39:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Immediately hire five different firms to put together a definitive list of people in government or corporate positions of power who have knowingly harmed the population and the environment for personal profit. Any person appearing on all five lists will be assassinated by Sunday. Any person appearing on some of the lists will be warned that their behaviors/choices are being watched, and judged, harshly.
jpstiel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:39:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd set up a Super PAC to influence and fund scientific research in all types of physics and quantum mechanics. We have to figure out how to travel faster than light speed damnit! Also I'd work off of a party yacht in the South Pacific until my intergalactic spaceship is built.
OracleFINN ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:39:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay people to fight to the death
kick6 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:39:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay hackers to uncover all the scum and villainy in Washington DC.
Tromboneofsteel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:39:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well I'd quit the air force, that's one thing. 1 trillion is hundreds of times more than enough to subsist on for the rest of your life.
After that, I'd buy a nice house, two nice cars (a daily and a fun car) and LOOOOOADS of vijigames.
mygeorgeiscurious ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:39:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Definitely not call the bank regarding the discrepancy that's for fuckin real sure.
God_Damnit_Nappa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:39:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy something worth billions before inflation fucks me over
LittleBlast5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:39:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Be on the lookout for Snails
11hitcombo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:39:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job. Immediately.
igknighted ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Conquer the world slowly and legally.
Pomme2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do all my hobbies, in luxury.
ThreeAlienWaffles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would wonder where it came from
Tierramd88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The same thing we do ever night. Try to take over the world.
bluecheese12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably do a reality check
WeaponEquis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy 1 trillion McDoubles.
heltonmatiazi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy a new ball to my dog. He kinda anihilated the last one. I would also buy youtube and remove all the advertisements forever.
littlekat3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy out the entire Richard Rodgers theater so my family, friends, and I could dance along while watching Hamilton.
And maybe pay off some bills and donate to charity I guess.
BennettF ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a Vive. Invest in stocks. Finish refurbishing the back of our family's garage into a hangout space. Fund my dad's business incubator.
And then hang on to the rest so I never have to worry about food or shelter again. I'd still complete my business IT degree and look for a job, though, just in case I do lose the money, and just so I have something to do.
Dr-Normal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd sleep in; no reason to go to work when I'm the richest guy on the planet
ATurtleTower ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not make a fuss about it. For sure not invest most of it in anything for fear of fucking the economy.
TheLastAssRanger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The first thing i'd do is wake up with a trillion dollars
broham89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drugs and hookers
cmfreeman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks man. Chicks love a dude with money. And if I had a trillion dollars I bet I could pull that off.
lukesvader ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Keep a billion, give the rest away
y_serbet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Say "Good morning."
Uxoguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Open a little cesars.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
cry, pay back all my debt, hire a financial advisor (maybe even 2!) for help with investing/making sure I don't just blow it all and go from there. maybe hire the advisor before paying back my debt. they can advise me on how to do it best. haha.
now you may be thinking, how could I blow a trillion dollars? well, I really like cocaine.
dafinsrock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd pay off all my debts and my family's debts, sock away enough to buy a house and put my future kids thru college, and give away the rest. I don't want that much money. It can ruin a person.
OriginalName457 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep in.
Laphroaig18Lover ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Learn how to use the subjunctive
Manic_Monad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd go back to bed..
It isn't like I'd have much to do after having that much disposable income.
shaantya ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep. Then keep quiet about it, quietly get my diploma, spend my life learning interesting things and creating stuff.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get Greece out of debt.
raknor88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Live my life normally. I spend any of that in large quantities too fast and the economy would crash. So I'd live my life normally and for once not have to worry if I have the money for it.
SkoopleFloop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:41:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
See I wouldn't make anyone aware I was that rich. I'd quit my job obviously and start pursuing stuff that I love. But I think if I had that amount, I'd travel the globe and just kind of leak money where I deemed necessary.
Like a fucking superhero behind the scenes kind of gig.
Norefodi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:41:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Houses in The US, Italy, and Japan. SRT Viper, Ferrari F12, all GTR models, GT350R and a Porsche 997 GT2.
Pay off family debts. Travel with the gf and friends/family ever year or so. Invest the rest.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:41:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
go back to bed
Sonkorino ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:41:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start to teach people proper grammar and tell them the the title should be "What would you do if you woke up with 1 trillion dollars tomorrow"
snegtul ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:41:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Purchase the entirety of the republican party and have them all shipped off to sibera and placed in russian concentration camps for the remainder of their shitty, racist, greedy lives.
The rest would go toward the ACLU, SPLC, planned parenthood, and my personal garage of sweet sweet hotrods and motorcycles.
Infiniteplaya ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:41:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i would get security. telling everyone i have ever met to fuck off might get a little intense.
supertech13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:41:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a truck!
clccbrew ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:41:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Become president of the world
junaidnk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:41:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would probably go back to sleep thinking I already have plenty, let's sleep in without worrying about being on time anywhere.
ffejeroni ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:41:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Immediately pay off all my bills, in case it was an accident. Put 1b in the bank, invest 1b, donate 50b to help with the taxes, then fire up my Amazon app and see how much damage I can do in 1 poop session.
Side thought: see how much it would cost to fire Ken Holland and Jeff Blashill.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:41:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, the government would take 1/3 of it, which they would piss away on tax cuts for the rich.
I would take 10 million, and put it into an account. The interest from that would be what I would live on. I would take another 2 million, and spend it on wine, women, and song. The remainder from that, I would waste.
I would put aside 4 million for my kid, so he is set.
I would split the remaining 2/3 trillion in half. One half will be spent on the Earth, the other, on space.
Since I am presuming we are using the old imperial British trillion, not the weak American trillion, the space 1/3 trillion will go to sending humans to colonize all the other planets in the solar system. The only stipulation is that the first colonists must bring a small ampoule of my piss, to smash on the planet's surface (or hurl into the planet, if it is a gas giant). This way, I will have asserted my dominance on the solar system, in the most manly way possible.
The final 1/3 trillion would be spent on whatever batcrap crazy idea that gets tossed my way. Nuclear fusion? Sure! A cure for blindness? Why not?! Cancer? Here's a number, followed by a lot of zeros. Go cure it. You get the idea.
Since it would take quite a while to spend that much money, I would get my schedule 7, and 77, then take whatever remaining funds I have, and use it to mess with the stock market. 22 billion in earwig futures, right before a quarterly earnings report? Public companies would fear the power of my troll...
Oh, and I would buy a carton of ice cream, since I love ice cream.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:41:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In all honesty, for me, that's too much money. I'd leave myself with 100 million. Plenty to pretty much do whatever I want. I'd divide the rest between charities, humanitarian innovations and rest easy drinking mojitos on my private beach in Barbados
SimplySpecial ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:41:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire ninjas and assassins to have failed attacks against me in public. My kids will think I am a super hero. Then finance the rest of the Enders game movies
silly_vasily ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:41:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Free education for all university students for 4 years in Canada
speedballfordonkey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:41:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Run for president
1617373776f7264 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:41:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Starbucks every day
Redraider1994 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:42:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy out Comcast and bankrupt Comcast in the same day.
elicubs44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:42:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
buy ghost recon wildlands
Choopytrags ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:42:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take out a lot of people, try to restore balance to the government
calidor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:42:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
fund my own country and spend all of it on research on a series of history-making science projects, like a permanent setting on the moon/mars, nuclear fusion, supermaterials, genomics, AI, robotics with no ethical barriers.
DocHopper-- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:42:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cure world hunger.
911isaconspiracy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:42:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fun answer: Buy myself a big ass stadium. Bigger than wembly, this will be big enough to hold millions. Put it in the middle of the Sahara dessert. Call all my favorite musical artists. Host the biggest god damn concert of all time. Free of charge, you just need to get there. This concert will not be televised, it will happen only once every 10 years. In a different location on Earth every time. It'll be like the World Cup of music.
Real answer: I guess i'd donate the money over various charities first. Not so much that they'd feel the need to publicize it. Create a will and leave some for my family. And then I'd probably kill myself only after a couple days/weeks of hiding and worrying for my life in various hotels. You don't fuck with that kind of money. That kind of money makes people you love look at you funny. That kind of money would make my own mom look at me funny. What a curse that'd be. I'd rather die.
The_Southstrider ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:42:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go buy two or three of those artisan burgers from California for lunch and collect my welfare check for dinner.
LizletECMA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:42:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a nice apartment, a good computer and giver everyone the middle finger.
groovygrove317 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:42:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy fiat 500's for all of my friends & family and roam the country in a massive pack.
Effervescinelephant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:42:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay for all the college tuitions at my university and switch my major to therapeutic painting.
THEgassner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:42:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1) Pay off student loans ($30,000)
2) pay one years rent for my apartment up front ($6000)
3) buy a new car ($20000)
4) invest 1/4 of what's left ($24998600)
5) put 2/3 of what's left in a savings account (โ$494972280)
6) half the remainder would go to charity, the other half would be blown on whatever. ($123743070 each)
Edit: so, uhhhhh, I was doing that with 3 less zeroes.... Someone do the math...
Kurtronic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:42:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 chicks at the same time.
HungryKangaroo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:43:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get legal advice, take some time to get the money invested and then go on with my life as usual, because now I do not have to worry about being paid enough in my unfortunately underfounded profession, which I love.
Oh and I would get a nice apartment and a dog :)
Preufrock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:43:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably keep doing the same thing I always do. Wouldn't change anything.
SirDalek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:43:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire Keanu Reeves as my bodyguard.
aManPerson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:43:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
somehow a few years ago i had thought about this.
first thing, i would fully pay for the mortgage of everyone in my immediate family. for those that don't have one, i'd just buy them a house or something in the city they are working.
in the short term, i would make arrangements to fly out and catchup with old friends. i, hopefully, wouldn't have told anyone about this. try to hang out with them for a few days, then be on my way. then i would leave something like a greeting card on the coffee table, or wherever i stayed, assuming i crashed on a couch or something. i'd thank them, then tell them to look under the couch, etc. i would then leave a metal briefcase full of cash. not sure if it's fucked up, but i would leave different amounts depending on how much i enjoyed them being part of my life.
for a year i'd just go around catching up with people and leaving them that surprise.
i'd probably also fund my family members so they could stop working. i think literally all 3 working members of my family would stop their day job and start working on their own idea in hopes it turns into a business.
i think my idea made more sense if it was like 10 million. with a trillion i could leave each of the friends i can think of 1 billion dollars and still have tons of money left over.
denimwookie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:43:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
call in sick, pay off all my debts, buy a 2br house, garage, a truck, a bottle of wine, and call it a day.
PacketSpyke ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:43:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Burn a billion of it in front of the
poor peopleeveryone elsederf_vader ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:43:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate all but a few million to my church's charity organizations so the government couldn't take any.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:43:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I will fund all politicians in the US who have accepted climate change as a fact, are supporters of scientific pursuits, are against polluting air and water, are not racists, and then give $50 Billion to the mars mission. And then hookers and blackjack pretty much
nionvox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:43:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can finally buy a house in Vancouver! gross crying
Wavemanns ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:43:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd go on a foolish crusade to enact change within the corporate world. I'd buy the controlling interest in GE and Procter and Gamble and take them private. Change the structure of the companies to make the highest paid employee make no more than 30 times the wage of the lowest paid employee. Give people a proper living wage and benefits.
Use profits from the 2 businesses to slowly take over all the others from a different tack. Start with mining companies, once I have the mining companies I would start taking over the refining companies making sure that the bulk of the profits went to making sure that they were the best that they could be on the environmentally responsible scale.
Then I'd go for the power companies. Completely take them off of coal, lobby the fuck out of the government to start going solar/wind/hydro and thorium breeder reactor nuclear.
Then I'd hire the best world assassins and kill all the upper level management of the telecoms.
You know, all the socially responsible shit.
mensch_uber ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:43:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
buy a condo building. everyone i know can live there for free. buy a restaurant. everyone i know can eat there for free. then hire an army of lawyers to totally fuck up anyone that i know says needs fucking up. and just so i can say, "i have an army of lawyers".
Fox5orce5ive ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:43:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Masturbate furiously. Obviously.
sarcasticbiznish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:43:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Finish paying off my education, build a theatre, start teaching youth theatre. Basically my life's goal but without all the penny pinching and rental spaces
earthquakes74 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:44:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For starters I'd have to get my best friend a better present than what I'm currently going to get her lol And then probably buy a couple grand computer and decent monitor and consult a lawyer. Would definitely be in Europe once school is out though.
DairyHunter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:44:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably become the USA's new Secretary of Education.
spkr4thedead51 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:44:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
first: try to figure out the economic impact of either what is apparently a sudden influx of USD$1 trillion to the world's economy or what is the sudden redistribution of wealth from some portion of the world's population that now has me as their sole focus of anger.
second: have my morning piss
third: have my morning chai
Dqueezy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:44:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd donate a downright stupid amount of money to political causes. Pro environment, reversing citizens united, Wikileaks, trying to get a third party candidate in office. E.t.c.
woahmanwhereami ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:44:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
go back to sleep
tyush ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:44:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
100 way Titan X SLI! What do you mean it's impossible?
Drmangus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:44:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm Going To Build My Own Theme Park With Blackjack and Hookers.
Super_Skinny_Pete ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:44:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would quit my job and put as much as I can into the bank lol
Radioactive24 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:44:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
MissNesbitt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep. I have a trillion dollars I don't need to be anywhere
superrad01 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time.
ms__marvel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, this is so much fuck you money, you'd struggle to spend half of it.
I'd buy Manchester United just to see them get relegated the fucking bastards.
WinstonNilesRumfoord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably sleep until 10am, drive to microcenter, have them build me the best gaming pc possible, then come home and play Overwatch/Heroes for the next 48 hours.
_ThunderDome_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest in ayyymd
ClearlyNotElvis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Run for president.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the US Presidency from Trump.
DollarBillBandit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's way more money than I could ever spend. Probably donate of it to people across the world as I back pack across the world.
ode_her ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A million, a billion, a trillion, or more?
The rest of my days on an island, for sure!
The grandest of parties, for all of my friends!
...then unending paper, and a box of good pens.
TheAdam00 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cop five haircuts at the same time.
Herogamer555 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ruin the economy of Luxembourg. Fuck those guys.
Panigg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Plaster the world with hydroponic farms, like the one in Japan that produces shit tons of food with barely any water use.
If I want to enjoy that money we gotta take care of the hungry people first.
Redarrow762 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Absolutely nothing. Then 2 chicks at the same time.
MorningWood52 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably nothing. I'm super enjoying uni life right now and I guess have mad money would just give me more freedom with my purchases.
Kromen27 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kill myself
jesabele13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start investments for my sister (retirement) Start a college / tech school fund for my nephew Take my family around the world Start a scholarship fund for kids in my school - a bunch of scholarships
AnOrdinaryKiwi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a life time subscription to World of Warcraft
AverageCanadianGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go visit my son... I work over 3000 miles away.
dudeguymanthesecond ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a large island somewhere, fund scientific research.
Komeht ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
SimCity - but for reals.
butternifebandit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eat breakfast
hope4ataraxy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stop this fucking job & spend some time with my family and friends!
jaimacho ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cry. A lot.
Leafy81 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The first thing I would do is call work and tell them I quit. Then I'd go buy a car and start looking for a house somewhere far away from everyone.
I know I'd donate quite a bit to a few animal charities and give a few million to a few close friends.
If any of my friends or family asked for a handout I'd say sure! Then give them a dirty old penny.
fragdemented ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Step 1, Verify if it's legit and that I get to keep it with no repercussions.
If Yes:
Pay off all my and my families debts. give two-week notice at my Job and set up to be contracted for questions from the new guy. Buy a duplex house, for my Mother (signs of dementia) and me or a caretaker. Buy New vehicles for my mother and me. place the rest in an account and live off the interest.
Generally that's the plan.
apotheotika ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Easy. 2 chicks at the same time, man.
thunderfroggum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Run for president
DiabeticMerman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get arrested for suspicious account activity.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy out 51% ownership of Trump's hotels, clothing lines and anything else he owns.
Wixicz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy reddit for like 20 billion dollars and then turn it off. Suck it reddit!
tired63 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Find a way to rid the world of DJT
yarf13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would make Los Angeles into the greatest futuristic city ever known that becomes a spectacle of cleanliness, open roads, safety, affordable housing, recycling, green energy and plenty of fun recreational things to do with cheap public transportation leading everywhere.
girusatuku ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First thing, build a giant Scrooge McDuck vault. I know there isn't enough gold and silver to fill it to the top but I only need enough to make it look the part. Build a castle somewhere along with a private mansion plane that I can take around from city to city.
PajamaHive ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:47:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a few houses for my friends and I. Some closer to the city. Some out in the woods. Get us all decent vehicles. And then live modestly with my best friends doing what we wanted for the rest of our lives.
NaggerGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:47:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take any family / friends who want out to an undisclosed island paradise and live out life far away from all of the bullshit.
zerostyle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:47:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pour 99.9 percent or whatever of it into medical and aging research, and still be left with a billion.
What's the point of a trilliin if i cant spend it?
richmasa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:47:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 chicks at one time.
MasterChef901 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:47:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get into debt today.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:47:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would invest half of it in low risk mutual funds and then take the other half over to my friend Asadulah who works in securitiesโฆ
Kellendil ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:47:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get someone else to build my house for me.
Aliwet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:47:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay so many debts. Mine, my boyfriend's, my family's. Then I'd still work. But plan more travel locations throughout the year because I wouldn't have to work about money. If I didn't work I'd still travel. But I think I'd still work because I enjoy what I do.
Sevenrue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:47:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to work with a bag full of hundreds. Start throwing it in the air. Both middle fingers up as i walk out bavkwards.
Rahl199 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:48:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off student loans starting with mine and then start working on everyone else
ChickenWithATopHat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:48:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would go to my favorite restaurant and tip every employee a ton of money.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:48:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start a porn company with me as the main star. Pay extremely well with 401ks and college assistance and shit.
CastielsGracex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:48:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Misha Collins
iamawesomesaurus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:48:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not tell anyone because it would fuck the world's economy
issc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:48:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Run
highonautism ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:48:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give a billion to Planned Parenthood to strictly be used for abortions, and each time they have to send a post card to Mike Pence
Diggerinthedark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:48:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Become the president of america lol
WhereisBiff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:48:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy some land in the middle of nowhere, build a small house probably somewhere in the mountains on the water.. And simply get the Fuck out of human civilization.
Soonergriff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:48:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably build that Treehouse from the front page on the brand new estate that I purchased.
ThePinkAdmiral ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:49:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would contact the person who wrote this fanfiction and pay him/her like....10 million to finish the sequels.
and with the remaining 999 990 000 000 I would probably....I don't know...Do you guys think I could afford a trip to Iceland?
Edit: I accidentally a few digits
shaoqii ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:49:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest in NASA.
Prologue11126 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:49:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
buy a full plate armor, with a horse to go around the city being the dark knight
alreadygotbeef ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:49:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cars man... So many cars....
Can you imagine being so rich that you own ALL the best cars??? Not just a bugatti, but all of them? And also be able to afford your own racetrack, that you put on your own property, with your own island? You'd be able to own a while country!
ThatPercussionist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:49:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably get detained by the IRS, then hire a lawyer.
P0sitive_Outlook ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:49:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire a lot of hitmen.
^They'd be first.
duderex88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:49:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two things
I would use my new money and the power that comes with it to help everyone I could by setting up programs for all sorts of social issues like how buffet and gates do. This would buy me all sorts of good will so I could enact the second part of my plan.
I would become a burden with how eccentric I will become to a small community. I want to make a small town feel unending dread whenever my name comes up. I'm not going to hurt anyone I'm just going to be an inconvenience to this one community. I figure I'd start small with minor inconveniences and they would deal with it because hey I'm putting a ton of money into the community upgrading their parks and libraries and stuff. Then just increase the absurdity of what I do till they think "fuck not this asshole".
Basically I want gaslight 2000 or so people to think I'm a monster while everyone else in the world believe I'm a saint.
CAT_RATINGS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:49:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably cry to be honest. My life would get so much better.
kendrone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:49:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fix the life of everyone I met who appeared to be a good person.
Seriously, 1 trillion is an INSANE amount of money. If I personally meet 1 million people, that's 1 million dollars per person.
Let's say the whole meeting, assessing, liking, inquiring, and supporting process took a mere 5 minutes (I'm guessing over an hour per case, but I could help a lot of people at once in cases such as families). That's 5 million minutes. 83333 hours. 8 hours a day? 10416 days. Do this half the year (180 days) each year? 57.9 years.
5 minutes a person for nearly SIXTY years, I could throw a million dollars at each one. Now look at your life, think how much a million would help. Think how much 100k would help. 100k would sort a ludicrous number of things out for you, right? So I guess I can spread the wealth a bit further, to a whopping 10 million people (around 30% the population of canada). But wait, at 5 minutes a person and the working hours given above, that's going to take 579 years! Let's work every day, get the job done in 289 years. Fuck.
You'd have to cut it down to something like 1 minute per person average, whilst working every day, doing 16 hour days. Not gonna happen.
But I haven't finished mixing everything up just yet. Let's assume I DID manage 16 hours a day, 1 minute per person, 100k per person. That's 96 million a day given out to "good" people. I put that in inverted commas because the measurement of good in this 1 minute time window is impossible.
96 million is 0.0096% of 1 trillion, per day. 3.5% spent a year. Shit, I could invest a lot and cut the net cost down per day HUGE amounts. In fact, by scaling back to 5 min/person, 8 hrs/day, 180 days/yr, I'd be spending 0.17% of that trillion a year. Even lazy investing could maintain that indefinitely. With good assistance, I'm sure that 3.5% could be achieved. Maybe put some additional focus on the return fund as needed.
So I give out money carefully here or there, spending time to assess who best to give it to, and use part of all of this to invest in other projects which bring the money back. Maybe I could make some agreement with people that for whatever amount I give them, they must pay back in some amount over time. I'm probably going to need groups of people to assist me in determining niceness and required assistance, as well as in delivering it, and in gathering the returns from people paying back. To be fair to everyone, maybe I could let the people decide who will make up the group I work with. Reshuffle every few years to keep in touch with the changing world of course.
Some people are best helped by getting their road fixed, or having to not worry about food. Some people just want a place to live, or a better education. Some would happily do with some new shoes, or others would like a place to swim. A lot of people would want a nice place for a stroll, or to see animals thrive in a natural environment. A lot of people's desires would cross over so we can make a mutual fund and put a cut of everyone's pot into each thing they care about. My new group of helpers can work with me to decide how we split that pot.
Excellent, millions of people will get their lives improved in vast areas, I'll be creating jobs by making everything happen in this way, it'll self sustain by having the happy people pay back over time with the money they will now be making in their new successful life, and I'll have a group of people helping to distribute the funds and make sure the country runs right.
TL:DR Become a benevolent dictator I guess.
Slutwhoria ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:49:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
See if it would be enough to win in a fight against the sun
bambamtx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:49:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Day 1 I would get an accountant and a lawyer to look over my assets, set up a trust and figure out tax implications. I wouldn't tell anyone I know and wouldn't spend a dime for at least a month until all my affairs were in order. I'd put half of it in a liquid interest bearing account, half into the trust and pay off my debts and start looking for investment opportunities and people in need of help so I could help them out anonymously through the trust. I'd continue living my life. I'd probably start a small business so I could have an office to occupy my time and work on personal projects and maybe go to law school part time to learn. I'd take art classes and learn to sail and fly a plane and helicopter. No one would know I was rich but I'd take care of those around me.
kylej23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:49:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy you some grammar lessons.
colorado_here ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:50:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd immediately put it all into the S&P and have all my earned interest go into an off-shore account. Then I'd sit back and hope that when whoever messed up and gave me a trillion dollars comes knocking, they're only worried about recouping the principle.
polstal29 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:50:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably two chicks at the same time
seanzorio ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:50:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I honestly can't comprehend how much money that actually is. FIrst, I'd talk to a lawyer and make sure I wasn't overlooking that would come back to bite me. Assuming he says go for it, I've got a plan.
I'd gift 2m to everyone I wanted to retire (a 4% withdrawal rate would give them 80k per year on no "work"). My parents, my brother and a handful of friends would be in this catergory. It's plenty to live on if that's what you want to do, but I suspect most of them would still do some sort of work.
I'd let my day job know that I was going down to a very limited schedule, at least for a while. I'd help them train/transition to my replacement, but wouldn't walk out and burn any bridges.
I work in 2 businesses outside of my day job that I'd invest some money into, to help them grow their businesses.
I'd build myself a house more like what I want. I'd probably be out 500k all said and done to build exactly what I want on a few acres of land. I'd spend some money on watches and cars.
Once I was transitioned out of my day job, I'd take some time and travel. I've never been to Europe. I've never been to Asia. I've never been to Australia. It's a big world and I've not seen very much of it.
This is a really cool question, because it forces me to really reflect on what I'm doing now, and why. I spend a lot of my life doing stuff in prep for the future. Work so that I can have a "better" future type stuff. I don't know if it'll change what I'm really doing, but the concept of money not driving my decision making process is interesting.
lex10 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:50:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
flat_erdrick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:50:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would spend it on English education for anyone who wanted it.
Theremingtonfuzzaway ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:50:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to my old company I used to work for in the middle of the night and pump it full off poo. They have blacked out windows so they won't kniw They open the door and get washed down the street in poo in the morning Revenge will be had as that's what you get for fucking (they did not me)up a project designed to support and help people with mental health issues and i had to send all the money i raised back to the funders.
DrYaklagg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:50:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Burn so many bridges to old employers... Then go back to sleep.
BigOldCar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:50:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call out from work rich.
xCaptZach ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:50:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have sex with your mother.... Then deposit the other $999,999,999,990 into a bank and go back to bed! Boom! (Roughly $10 for sex)
DarkXuin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:50:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd get the fuck out of there immeadtly. Buy a private island and go into hiding. Fucking people are shity and as soon as it went public I became an overnight trillionare eveyone would probably start doxing me and showing up at my house. Of course once I've escaped I'd hire people to find my family members and bring them to my island before they get shot or stabbed.
russmbiz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:50:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:51:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have a lie in
THAAAT-AINT-FALCO ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:51:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wake up with more than 1 trillion the next day
SuppliceVI ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:51:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably still come into work for a bit, because I do love my job. I'd buy a 2012 Jaguar XFR ( My dream car ), and completely overhaul my PC. From there, I'd have to give my parents 10 billion each, and 10 billion for my lil brothers. 50 million to all my friends (of which I have only a handful) because they kept me out of some dark times.
I'd move back home, and get a nice lakefront house. Nothing too crazy, but enough to love comfortably. A platform would be built in the lake with targets so never have to pay a range fee again, and I could use any caliber gun I want to slap metal. Then I'll take half of the remaining money and invest in my future. The other half would be spent helping homeless veterans get their sea legs again.
sigh Thanks Reddit for getting my hopes up. Back to the struggle bus so one day it will happen.
goldenewsd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:51:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would go back to sleep.
The_4th_Little_Pig ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:51:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd start a scholarship program for under achievers
spingus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:51:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would pay off some of my student loan!
SharkWeekJunkie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:51:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd pay off my student loans, and invest the remaining $20,000.
AldoVernal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:51:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The question is how much space take 1 trillion dollars let's say in 100 american dollar bills.
kilted-ninja ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:52:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I tell you what id do man. Two chics at the same time, man.
RaskalRabbit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:52:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Worry how this mistake is going to ruin my life.
robertshammer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:52:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd pay off all my debt, buy a home in California. Then I'd probably make an attempt at buying Nicaragua outright. They're trying to build a Canal through an amazing natural habitat that would completely destroy that habitat and I'd stop that shit. Then I'd learn to sail, buy a boat and go anywhere in the world I wanted for the rest of my life.
5Mondays ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:52:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Prolly verify it first. Then I'd call TheDonald to find who is the hook up on hot east European women. Then I'd get a fine cigar and a glass of good scotch while I think about it some more.
TheD3luxe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:52:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build the EMPIRE! r/cat_island
cpthawking ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:52:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Use it to get rid of that super intelligent snail who is trying to kill me
Maria-Stryker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:52:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Immediately call the bank and ask them how the fuck I wound up with that money--assuming they don't call me first. Any fans of Attack on Titan here? If you're not, all you need to know is that it was a very sudden breakout hit comic in Japan and the author's first major work. He's admitted in interviews that his bank contacted him asking questions after it took off because of his unusually high and sudden income increase.
super_aardvark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:52:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Die from suffocation and/or crushing by banknotes, I imagine.
_TheEndGame ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:52:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a 1080 Ti
andrewroyale ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:52:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would wake up again
petitchevalblanc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:52:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ugggnnnn pay off all my debts!! Pay off all my friends' debts!! Then go to whatever fucking uni I desire, in whichever fucking city in the whole world, and study something fascinating and brilliant without having to WORK ALL THE FUCKING TIME. And never feel pressed for time/cash again :D Ooh and a personal chef/nutritionist. And a house for my Mum.
Sleepy_Chipmunk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:52:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get mom the back surgery she needs
Buy several tons worth of caramel popcorn, get diabetes, and die
wasabi109 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:52:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off all of my parents debts and let them retire early.
FilmmakerRyan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:52:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
After verifying that the money is in fact for me, I would turn in my two weeks notice and then get to building my own smaller film studio.
While producing films a la A24 Films (low budget, high quality) to pay for my studio operations, I would start developing my own films to direct.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy some food because right now I"m broke and hungry.
cornichon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:59:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
be more stoic
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably buy every store mount in Wow lol
smallbabybunny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Assume the bank made a mistake but start rapidly buying EVERYTHING before they notice..
Elvixlyte ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would tell basically no one. I would just spend my days traveling.
Also, id probably get rid of a lot of the money. I only need like a billion to have a lifetime of fun and travel. Billionaire is a hell of a smaller target then a trillionaire. I'm not about to get assassinated for money I'm never even going to be able to use.
Charities/friends/families would be receiving my generosity, but anonymously.
Anghel412 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd bribe all of Congress to quit after impeaching president doofus. Then finance campaigns of people who genuinely have the people's best interests in mind. I'd actually make America great again.
BigOldCar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have a limousine take me to work in the morning. Have it parked across the sidewalk that goes into the building. Then I'd sit on the roof with my legs dangling in through the sunroof, wearing a fine suit and a ridiculous top hat and drinking a glass of champagne. Then I'd invite my coworkers to join me, but oh no! When they try to come in the limo, all the doors are locked! Then I'd laugh at them and taunt them as they sadly made their way into the building.
Except my boss. Him I'd spray with the champagne. Then I'd laugh at him.
GreatMadWombat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Try and take over a town. Like, find some town that I really enjoy, that has a shitload of under/unemployment going on, and try to think of productive jobs that could be done that could get the entire town to 15$+ an hour and good damn benefits. And free tuition.
I'm not a huge fan of traveling (like. I'd obviously spend some on a trip round the world to see friends of mine in other countries, and I'd want to see some musicals), so after getting the traveling done, I'd like to just make one spot as good as possible.
EDIT: I think I'd try to take over Flint. Or maybe a part of Detroit that isn't back to par yet
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
build a wall
ptashark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Natalie Portman. As often as she lets me with one trillion dollars.
OldEars ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Form a foundation, leaving out $50M to have more than my family will need for a few generations. The first period would be to decide what to support with that foundation and then would spend time putting my considerable resources to good use. I might, with that much, devote it to several causes including environmental issues (could buy and protect a lot of wilderness and city parkland) and helping disadvantaged kids climb up to that level playing field. For world health, I can't imagine doing things better than the Gates Foundation so might pull a "Warren Buffet" and let Bill and Melinda handle that.
LuckyDuckTheDuck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Here's where I would start. First setup 500 billion to slowly invest in the stock market over a period of time that wouldn't crash everyone's investment. Then I would buy out all family members mortgages, give them 10 million each to do what they wish in the short term. Long term is the will would be divided up so they will live comfortably, but not obnoxiously, for the rest of their life. Next I would buy the best health insurance for anyone remotely close to me, for their lifetime. I'm talking several of the best GP in the world would have the sole responsibility of taking care of my family and friends. I would then start buying real estate in carefully selected areas so that not one area is more affluent than others. There's a golf course community in my home town that the property owners were shafted when the golf course went out of business. I would buy the golf course and turn it I to a disc golf course as a personal hobby. I would invest into a solar farm on some of the newly acquired land that would also feed my new home. I would select smaller, suburban communities to start building fiber networks. The cost structure associated would be setup that I want everyone to have access to it, but also so that it's self sustaining. If absorbing the entire cost makes sense, then I would. I would work to improve all primary schools, then middle, then high schools with the end result being a result orientated system where trades are as important as being a desk jockey. I would increase teacher pay to the point that it attracts the best teachers who have a true passion for teaching. The more motivated the child, the more he/she will be taught. The less motivated or less intelligent will be given one on one tutors. I could go on, but what I would want to accomplish is to use the influx of money to improve society without crushing it with the influx on cash. I would strive to encourage communication and the flow of information. I want kids to learn, but also utilize their individual passion to spur healthy growth. Every step would be reviewed before implementation and if their are any substantial flaws other than it affecting my bottom line, then I would rethink it. I would spread out the growth so that not one area feels the increase in living, but as whole, everyone can benefit. 1 trillion is a lot of money, but I would spend it to better everyone.
PM-ME_UR_FEET_LADIES ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A bunch of hookers and cocaine.
AnimeLord1016 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire a personal finance advisor, a really good one, and figure out how much I need to put in a high interest account so I could live off the interest and not even have to touch the capital. I'd probably spread it between a few different banks. And I'd also donate a crap ton of money that the interest generates.
AnimeLord1016 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:59:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also with all my free time, since obviously I'd quit work, I'd go back to college and educate myself and with my free time I'd volunteer at various places.
Jarlaxle92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shit my paints then a major cardiac event
Down4whiteTrash ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I woke up with $1 trillion dollars, I would just go right back to sleep.
ShenGAME ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:54:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give my parents all the money they deserve and then some. Give my grandmother the care she deserves, help out my family in general.
ZookeyFilms ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:54:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Help my dad pay off his house and any outstanding debts he may have. Also make sure my girlfriends student loans are paid off fully as well. A lot of it will also go to my brothers and their families so life is worry free for them.
jihiggs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:54:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
well, getting more sleep is out of the question due to excitement.
Frozen_007 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:54:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off school debts, go on a mission trip to Africa and put some of it away so I can buy a cute little one story house on a few acres of land.
ThePandagator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:54:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay the US Congress, president, and court system as much as I possibly could to allow them to make their own real decisions rather than giving in to special interests. And there would definitely be a certain few I would pay to just leave.
SnaskesChoice ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:54:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Sweet, I'll order food tonight!!"
souldust ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:54:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
After getting that expensive delicious food i've been craving, I'd take care of all of my debts, set up my friends, and then travel. After that settle someplace comfortable and start a Mars race against Space X.
TL;DR: Start a Mars race against Space X
NeonCheese1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:54:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy my mum a generator for her house.
moneycallin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:54:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fix world poverty
bubongo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:54:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Delete Facebook. Lawyer up. Hit the gym.
flipht ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:54:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the US government since it's clearly for sale.
eddiekoski ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:54:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dear god I would have to make 4 million bank accounts so that I could have it all insured by FDIC, So what I would do is I would open 1 month 3month 6 month 1 year 3 year 5 year 10 year CDs every day multiple of each to so it is at least earning some interests, I would retain multiple of the best atorneys, I would insure myself through the roof I am talking about every type of umbrella policy that exists. I would invests tons of money in diversified funds. I would also invest slowly enough to become a board members of some companies :D
I would hire tons of body guards most of them blend in with the crowd.
I would have a nearly indestructible house commissioned it will be made from a solid cube of STEEL 50 feet by 50 feet by 50 feet
(503) (ft3) = 935 064.935 US gallons = 61 647 611.06 Pounds of steel and all the rooms will be carved out so it is made of one piece muhahhahhah At $40 a pound that is $2465904440 $2 billion is not much for a trilionaire.
I would finally buy an Apple Pro laptop
varisforge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you buy a solid cube of steel, then you would not have anywhere to live inside of that cube.
Plus, no foundry in the world would be capable of casting it.
Might be better to have a solid steel cubic house constructed, and have rooms and stuff in it. Or a Pyramid house, so the rain will roll off of it.
eddiekoski ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:05:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First of all
$1trillion dollars,
second the rooms would be carved out
I would make my own foundry if I had too
"Might be better to have a solid steel cubic house constructed, and have rooms and stuff in it." Yea that is what I wanted
HitmanHansey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:54:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd go normally about day. Quietly paying my debt and not letting anyone else know. I wouldn't want "family members" coming out of the woodwork.
SinusMonstrum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:54:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my student loan. And the student loans of my friends. Pay off whatever loans my parents and/or immediate family have. Buy a couple of videogames, the Switch, stuff to build a pc, a better camera and actually buy the software I need to do some editing and the full version of the DAW that I use.
The rest can go to charity after I build my dream house while still maintaining about a million dollars or so afterwards.
jdmoorhs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:54:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get a Nintendo switch cause the scalper prices wouldn't bother me anymore
Everything_Is_Koan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:54:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job, DUUUUUH!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:54:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing. That's all I've ever wanted to do. I don't want to travel. I don't want a fancy car. I just want to stay at home and be left alone.
varisforge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy every student loan company I could, starting with Navient, then reformulate their systems to have interest rates and grace periods adjust on your debt to income ratio, so if you earn less per year than the total outstanding debt, you would pay at most 1% interest a year on your loans.
You would be given an optional (up to three months a year) grace period each year where you can choose to only pay interest, albeit with a temporary interest hike to accommodate it. (like 2% during those months)
And I would automate the systems as much as possible with the highest caliber programmers and AI/UI specialists available so I could eliminate as much staff as possible, and then should the system become profitable, donate all of the profits to a charity that pays off student loans starting with the largest inequalities and working down to the smallest.
And with the other 750 billion dollars, I would create a publicly known cabal of billionaires and geniuses (like Elon Musk) to colonize Mars and the Moon, fix the environment, and start mining the asteroid belts.
aud_pod21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed
kobekramer1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go home and play wow.
cnak145 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Count them
RondaArousedMe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OP's Mom... because I could
ZenLongboarder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck my own debt.
My debtors will get nothing, and like it.
I'm gonna disappear and make attempts to be a benevolent force from the shadows.
tidalslimshady ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Move back to where I used to live (one of the shittiest Canadian cities) to play mtg and actually have friends
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
fucking beat Elon Musk to Mars
-Specter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would pay off my school loans, get a tesla and go back to school.
Onemandrinkinggamess ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get a PhD first of all. Buy a house, new car. I'd still work because I'd wanna contribute something positive still. Give a lot to charity, start a charity maybe. Nothing crazy really. Take lots of trips around the world for a year maybe. Wouldn't know what to do with all that money so I'll hopefully live like I normally do and accomplish my goals forgetting how rich I am
r0ninar1es ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whenever I see this type of post I would if the person just won X amount of money and really wants ideas.
TheLaws10 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Travel the world playing ultimate frisbee and disc golf.
AatroxIsBae ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my parents house, buy them the nicest RV, pay off my oldest sister's house, buy my middle sister a house, buy myself a house, donate money to my college's marching band, put half in savings, upgrade my and my partner's computers, pay off my friend's student loan debt, start a scholarship, donate to highschools in need, buy out US politicians
Troub313 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Serious Answer? I would use it to rebuild my city that I love. Detroit. I would use my money to get influence and with the influence and money, begin lobbying with politicians to get more people friendly policies put in place. I believe full marijuana legalization in Michigan would greatly help in bolstering our economy. We are already growing in terms of people moving here, so I think this would help even more.
I would open up several businesses within the city, including a gaming company. However, that would be a project of love. The rest would be labor and businesses that would help booster the economy of Detroit and the surrounding area.
I would buy up a lot of real estate and make sure it was affordable to the working class. Apartments right now are seriously way out of the price of the average worker. I'd bring that back down to reasonable levels. To encourage even more people to move back to the city.
I would open several entertainment places around the town, to give it more of a concentrated social life.
I would also use my money to back a candidate for Mayor that I believe in and trust to do the right thing. Someone young with good ideas. Someone with their finger on the pulse of the area.
I am assuming at this point I have a high profile within the city. I would try to work close with the Police Department and donate money that would go to hiring more qualified recruits. So that they could patrol the downtown area and keep it safe.
For the fun shit I would do, I would probably spend sometime just wandering Europe on a motorcycle. Staying in hostels, really living a low profile life in the summer.
Yetiius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Offer it all to Trump for him to leave office.
SquawkinAwk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drugs. Lots and lots of drugs. Buy off a house. Never leave.
Tiquortoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep until I'm well rested.
rapemybones ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at once?
fakecatfish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build lots and lots of pools.
TheKocsis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go on a massive drink and drugs tour righat away and probably die
throwawayTulpaAcc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get shot by the Mexican drug cartel I stole it from.
Jaksmack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would give away 99.99% and live like a king on the whats left.
pmckinney16 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two girls at the same time
Yatta99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Considering how crazy inexpensive they always turn out to be to buy, I could buy the entirety of Congress for the rest of my life. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on your POV) that would only take about $100 million or so. Then maybe buy one of those old missile silos and turn it into one of those ultra cool mega bases like you see in the old James Bond movies. Also I could fund the shit out of NASA and have rovers and shit running around on all the planets scoping things out. And 'Topless Tuesday' would be a thing.
Namodacranks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy my parents everything they've ever wanted.
christopher1393 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spend it all on lottery tickets
willllllllllllllllll ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get myself a little island and fuck off.
CosmicOwl47 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep
41D4N ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Post my answer on r/ifiwonthelottery
DubitON ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start supporting Trump.
CourageKitten ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Worry about all the inflation I would cause But after buying a switch and Breath of the Wild from one of those scalpers.
thebardass ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my house and fix what needs to be fixed, pay off my family's houses, buy myself a nice new car, pay off my wife's student loans, finish up the day by buying the company I work for and firing the bitch district manager.
Pizzahdawg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Solar Panels for every neighbour near me that doesn't have one. Maybe a solar panel park nearby too?
ThreeEees ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Adopt all the greyhounds.
SH4Z4M ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Charter a plane. Land it at the most western chick-fil-a and grab food to bring my girlfriend on the west coast. She loves it and can't get it there. Pick her up and go straight to Africa. See the animals she loves and most likely adopt as many kids as we can save. Spend the rest of our days making art and traveling.
UnknownEerieHouse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off all my student loans.
fearmypoot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lots of cocaine, and die probably.
boltr24 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off all my friends and family's student loans.
Give my grandparents half of it for all the help they have given my mother and I over the past 10 years.
Buy my mom a nice house with a beautiful sun room that she can paint in.
Buy seasons passes to Mirvish, Canadian Opera Company, and the Canadian National Ballet for my two friends and I.
Probably go down to the states to see Hamilton on Broadway with the same people from above. Probs also Lion King.
Pay to have my best friends house renovated to their liking.
Donate a large chunk of it to a bunch of charities that have helped my family, either directly or indirectly.
I dunno, your general do goody shit that people want to for their friends and family.
Sleeper4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Panic. That is way too much money. The sudden addition of a trillion dollars to the US economy probably has some pretty big effects (massive currency devaluation). Or, even worse, if that money came from somewhere there are probably a lot of very unhappy people.
Gnazgoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Convert it into GBP.
JTFout ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Set up my family with a couple mil each, then start making music in my own studio. Once I have enough good music made I would hire the best artists, poets, comedians, dancers, philosophers, etc. Once all that is said and done I would start a world wide tour bringing art to every country, it would be ten bucks a pop in first world countries, and free in third world countries. I'd bring a smile to every face and help get people out of the "work until I can live out my 20s when I'm in my 60s" mindset. Hopefully it would make more people learn to live their lives without mental constraint...
Oh yeah and I'd build a REALLY big statue of a middle finger aimed at congress, so everyday the have to see what I think of them.
Also I'd make a random homeless man/woman of my choosing into a millionaire once a week, just to see what happens.
multiplesifl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would open dozens of low cost women's health clinics in the Bible Belt and watch fuckers die of embolisms trying to get them shut down. I have all the money in the world, bitches, bring it!
DrWho1970 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1) Build giant solar, wind and battery storage energy farms.
2) Destroy the Koch brothers and the fossil fuel industry.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my student loans and then spending the remaining 26 dollars on a couple of large pizzas.
Emersonson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know how everyone accuses Soros of paying for protestors and funding a bunch of liberal conspiracies? I would actually do that.
GirishPai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll go back to sleep.
Davvve3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would count the zeroes then realise that it's actually a billion as Americans can't count, or use dates like the rest of the world, or calculate temperature like the rest of the world. And have the most ridiculous excuse for a president, that the American people voted in.
Then I would fly to Italy and buy a Ferrari, a lamborgini, a bugatti then buy a vineyard. And retire.
IntolerantInagress ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy an island and get away from y'all motherfuckers.
Tares ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Investing in humanity.
Some_Belgian_Guy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give Everyone on earth 300$
VYR3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably buy my self a couple old cars, a few super cars, and a pretty big garage, and maybe pay off my local police department so I don't have to worry about speeding tickets. Maybe also invest into bionic augmentation and make ghost in the Shell.
gumpfanatic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd split it with everybody in America. So about $3.33 each. The next trillion would go to a different country, probably Mexico.
univarseman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job, donate 500k to them, get into the stock market, start my own bar, never discuss finances with anyone besides my wife ever again, and spend the rest of my days traveling and livestreaming.
Before the questions come: i take care of special needs individuals in group homes so I figure that's a good cause and would make up for my 2 day notice as in, "i quit TOday" that joke works a lot better when spoken
adaminc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd built a fiber optic network here in Canada that reaches every building. It would then be held in trust for the people of Canada, never to be sold or given away. ISPs could lease wholesale access to it for very low prices, only enough to cover cost plus create a fund to upgrade incase there are any giant leaps in tech.
I would build a road to Baffin Island. End up in both Arctic Bay and Iqaluit.
I'd build truly high speed rail in Canada.
Jim_Nills_Mustache ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well first off im not going to work.
Secondly I'm buying EA, Ubisoft and several other gaming devs/ publishers so I can fix their broke as fuck system of pushing release dates at the cost of game quality.
Next I'll get to work buying up Internet and phone services and actually getting fiber installed across the country like we should already have, while breaking up the monopolistic/ non- competitive practices these industries rely on to fuck over the customers.
Next I would get to work on world hunger and drought issues, including places like flint MI.
Not necessarily in that order, but even thinking about having that much money stresses me out, I would feel so obligated to always be doing "more" and would never feel like I was doing enough.
kcebnaes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy every single business, deal, what ever that Trump and his cronies own or have a share in. Then fire them all. and make those businesses work for the public interest.
Also, buy Trump out of his share of the Presidency.
Then in order: pay off all school debt and mortgages of myself and all family; set aside several million for investments to support me and the fam for life; set up funding for public schools and especially the arts; scholarships; flat out buy the company I work for; Space exploration and charities.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go on /r/personalfinance and have those fuckers tell me to pay off debts, put as much as I can in the bank, eat like if I was a character on the walking dead and get a shitty Japanese hatchback. BTW a trillion is a million millions. Let that sink in. You could buy around 4 million Ferrari 488s.
DevonLovelock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Every single penny, if necessary, would be devoted to impeaching Trump, and getting an American back in the White House. In addition, I'd see to it that he ended up in prison for his growing list of crimes. A special prison, with a special cell, and tours. Americans would be allowed to file past his cell and mock him through the bars, 24 hours per day.
Anonymous_Snow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a boat, see the world, give my green product to the world for free.
OsmerusMordax ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would wonder how I got 1 trillion dollars. If legitimate & I won the lottery or something, I've invest half in safe high interest savings accounts . I'd donate a quarter to causes of my choosing, and the other quarter I would disperse amongst family members and friends.
If not legitimate, I would freak the fuck out and get a lawyer to help me sort this mess out.
TheAmazingPencil ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy this post.
tuibiel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Crash the global economy, force the beginning of socialism or anarchism.
Give capitalism a taste of its own venom.
NormienormChad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ask myself where all the rest of my money went
Serious answer: die immediately from the crushing weight of one trillion dollars stacked on and around my bed
IAmTerdFergusson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd do all the normal "lottery winner" stuff like buying houses for family, paying off debts etc etc.
Then I'd walk around campus at my university and start handing out cash and paying off student loans for people. I think a trillion could pay off all US student debt. So I'd probably do that. Invest in the future of our country.
iPhoid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What I expect him to tell me: 1. Make maximum Roth IRA contri....fuck what am I saying, I don't need to invest anything.
Oh yeah, and before step 1, quit my job. And don't tell anyone about any of this except my wife. Maybe first get a lawyer to draft a post-nup because while I absolutely trust my wife, it's safer for the future of the world that I am in complete control of this money (I'm the money tracker in the relationship).
bebemochi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sigh. Super boring. Debt, mortgage, retirement, kids' college funds, Dad's retirement, fix up house, new car.
But then... then?
So many tattoos.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy an island and a tank
alnahr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy two houses, one in Europe, one somewhere more isolated to spend holidays in when the weather isnt great in Europe due to Winter.
Invest in stocks. They will be there to save your ass should you need them :)
I'd say donate a large amount to charitable causes but many seem to just use the donations to increase the CEO's pay so
VERTIKAL19 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I noticed it I would first call my mom and then call the bank because there appears to be a fraudulent transaction
jerema ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Save the world probably.
officerkondo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Revenge.
Sir_Xylock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed
Lnzy1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd call my bank and ask them where the fuck it came from. I recall a story several years ago where a poor person had a significant amount of money plopped into their account and they spent it and they had to pay it back.
spyyked ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put away enough to retire on and give a huge chunk, maybe half?, to Elon Musk. I mean not directly to him but to his companies. Even if I wanted to use my wealth to improve the state of the world he could do it a helluva lot better than me.
DontCallMeTrump ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd invest 999 billion, and leave myself 1 billion for a new house, new car, and all the drugs and hookers I could get my hands on.
Gas_station_slushee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Zimbabwe
Just-A-Boosted ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give all but 50 million away to someone I know. 50 million will give you a good enough life she can have the rest
RAZERblast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Convert it to 22802500000000000 Vietnamese Dongs
captain_andrey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stay in bed
maaseru ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay the debt of my country and try to fix it. Become their furious leader in the process. Kill all the politicians.
JHolderBC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Personally finance a bunch of aquaculture projects around the developing world.
khalcerva ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Finishing paying for my remaining 2 years of college, my loans, and then KEEP GOING TO SCHOOL AND WORK TO ADD ON TO THE WEALTH. most people see money and quit. I want it all. ALL OF IT
Damusickman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time.
Pacoflipper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But buzzfeed productions and immediately make a apology video on our terrible videos then shut it down. Because I hate buzzfeed
pikk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:59:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
wow. That's only 3000 dollars per us citizen.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:59:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In all seriousness... Pay my debts, and probably my family's debts, put aside money for the kiddo. Buy a new wardrobe, cause fuck me I haven't bought any new clothes for years. Get a house that needs just enough love to keep me occupied, with enough yard that I can try my hand at gardening, and a barn I can have a workshop in.
And then I'd probably give away 90% of the rest, cause having that much money would freak me out and I'd feel pressured to spend it wisely.
valledweller33 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:59:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job.
feralstank ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:59:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make it so my parents and my sister never had to work again. Get two Maine Coons and a small house. Build a really nice computer.
Then I'd potter around and only ever eat out or takeaway.
D_B_R ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:59:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a pancake.
TakingBackTaco ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:59:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would ask it of it if it wanted either strawberry or blueberry pancakes.
Dillman926 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:59:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Am I the only one that hates thinking about these hypotheticals? It usually happens when people ask what you would do if you won the lottery/powerball/mega millions. I hate it. Yeah let me imagine if my life was amazing and I had unlimited money. Cool, now back to reality with infinite debt.
BenDes1313 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:59:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give the 100 people that are the closest to me 1 billion dollars and still have 90% of the money left to spend. After that who the hell knows. Probably invest another 10-15% to make sure I always have money. Then it's the usual buy a place to live forever, buy transportation, and just make sure I am set up for life. I'd buy and close the company I work for but not before giving each employee a cool million dollars so that nobody gets fucked when I quit. It's a small business of like 25 people so that doesn't hurt too bad. Then travel I guess.
mexicutioner3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:59:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off all debts, invest it in high yielding dividend stock and enjoy my multimillion dollar annual salary.
CaptainBurgerPants ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:59:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tell absolutely no one. Live life as normal, however much more comfortable.
GreatTragedy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:59:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start a 4 comma club.
TheBronto ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:59:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time.
admlshake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:59:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
$100 million dollars to the person or group that gets me Trumps Tax returns first. To be paid out once it's verified that they are authentic.
powerroots99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:59:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay rent for the entire apartment complex I live at for a year As a gesture of being good to my neighbors (except the mean neighbors, they get the stink eye.)
Then I'd invest part of the money so that I make a substantial amount of money off of investments to live a comfortable life. Make sure my family is set for success should I die b/c of all the money I would have. Pay the government its fee for just being born an American (tax). Setup scholarships for students in low income neighborhoods so that they have a chance to make it out of a bad situation.
I'd pay people's student loans off and say to them that they can just pay it forward by helping out someone in need.
Then I'd travel world and enjoy life. Also the fact that I won't have to work a job I hate ever again.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:59:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep, I'm not going to work.
Band_of_4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:59:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give to charity after I buy a nintendo switch
Professional_nobody ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:59:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Full page color ad in various publications listing everyone that can kiss my ass.
tech_kra ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:59:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job. Open jiujitsu schools wherever the fuck. Move my entire family to wherever the fuck. Give away lots of it.
Bloodmark3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:00:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spend 60% of it on my own military. Just to make the U.S. feel inadequate.
DragonTamer2313 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:00:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep in. Wake up. Buy a Starbucks for breakfast. Ask the barista for their life story. Tip 1,000 dollars if I like them.
red_five_standingby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:00:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire a billion of $1000 hookers. Round the clock boning.
PictureShovv ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:00:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i would buy a TSM gaming chair
Save_Us_Romo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:00:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my debt, buy my mom a house, buy a new truck and get a job dealing poker and/or blackjack for the rest of my life
DrippyWaffler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:00:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off the national debt of my country, leave the country and find a private island, stay inside playing video games all day and use the interest to send myself food.
seth_epicness ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:00:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Crash the economy
Just_Kevin7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:00:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep. Fuck Work.
rednblue525252 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:00:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Order myself a harem that stays at my home all the time and threats me as if I was their husband with fake ass love and all the shit. Fuck yeah.
BoostedZebra ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:00:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably start by getting all my fav skins in cs go.
Sry im a nerd =P
_punyhuman_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:01:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow so broke in three hours...interesting
ClassicDude357 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:00:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You better believe that my music program would be so damn well funded!
Lutherie8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:00:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll have a coke.
Sam_JN ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:00:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start gilding random people on reddit
High-Def-Piss-Jugs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:00:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Host a 1 trillion dollar cocaine party.
Gacode ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:00:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would have dinner with OP mom... And if it goes well, then you know...
Mikeymcmikerson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:00:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For real though, after the lawyers, accountants, and protection everyone is talking about, I would pull what John Oliver did and buy up ten or fifteen billion dollars worth of medical debt in the US and pay it off. I would fund some crazy but promising medical research like nanobots that kill cancer or fight infections after penicillin is no longer a thing. I would start my own telecommunications company and make wireless internet accessible all through out those crazy terrorist inflicted countries. This way dissemination of information can reach those far off places and hopefully reach more minds, making radicalization harder to achieve. The weird part of a trillion dollars is I would probably still have like 900 billion dollars left to spend after all of this.
donkeythatkong ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:00:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably start figuring out how I could avoid the snail with 1 trillion dollars
Drell_McNasty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:00:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put it towards student loans and buy some beef jerky with the 10 dollars left.
jackwoww ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take a three month vacation travelling the world.
Start some kind of stupid business to keep myself occupied when I returned or maybe I'd go back to teaching English or I'd like to open a shop that sells retro video games and toys.
PM_MEMONEYYY ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off whatever debts i owe then set up shop lemonade stand style and offer to pay off anyone elses debts...
caketastydelish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cocaine and hookers.
DreamsOfNeonCities ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not go to work is one. Stay in bed. Put clothes on, go to town and buy a lot of ridiculously good and expensive bath bombs, go back home then bathe. Buy tickets in bath for all the concerts I wish to see. Buy all the games and consoles / PCs I would desire. Buy all sneakers I want, all clothes basically. Give my parents a bunch of it each, new cars and give my dog a dinosaur bone.
CalliopeAdams ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Move.
diggexpat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bribe everyone in Congress to actually do the right thing for once.
Then with the other $40 I'd probably go see one of those IMAX 3D movies and actually buy snacks at the theater.
Mistersinister1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 chicks at the same time. That's what I'd do
Isturma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alright I'll play.
The first thing I'd do is start getting it the fuck out of whatever bank has it. I'd start wiring that shit into banks so secretive they only answer the phones with "yes?"
Then I'd go to work. Gotta keep up appearances - I'd rather people think that I'm some normal schlep for a little while longer. After quietly paying off my car and the house I'm renting, I'd pay off my student loans and medical debt.
Then investing - I'd pump some money into tesla, a small family business in VA (those of you who know, know. Otherwise don't worry about it), Doctors Without Borders, prevent cancer foundation (go fucking donate to them if you haven't already!) and the ASPCA. I'd also drop huge stacks to the local animal shelter, but on the down low.
After six months I'd quietly quit my job or go part time, and focus on getting in shape and making plans, culminating with an actual self funded run at the White House in 2020. I'd tag some of the best presidents still alive to advise me, and hit the ground running to bring this poor beleaguered country into the 20th century.
And after I was done, I'd change my name and quietly retire somewhere with a fulfilling job and hopefully a loving wife.
vocalistsXD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Boring answer but, I'll buy EVERYTHING
chchom22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Run for president.
Sobriquet541 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brett711 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shut my alarm off and go back to sleep
rabelsdelta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get my cats vaccinated and de-wormed
Thecrayonbandit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
probably have a heart attack
Jabels86 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a good few farms that are connected, build a giant fence around them, outfit a private army to protect it, build a huge complex to zombie/nuclear apocalypse standards. Invite all my friends and family to come as well as the best craftsmen available to make anything we might need. Hire some doctors. Make a private airfield and racetrack, buy all the best hunting rifles, gadgets, toys and cars. All the rest of the money gets split between investment accounts, property, charities and scholarships for the underprivileged.
nomercyvideo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just buy a couple of CD's
retrosuspect ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i would pay off 1/20th of the US debt
retrosuspect ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
im great at parties
HoboWithABoner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate a billion to the ACLU.
CollegeBroski ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest into AMD and watch them GAINZ
weaselking ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest 1 Billion to support myself (somewhat lavishly), spend the 400 billion bribing people, installing bought politicians and overhauling government, 400 billion to give to various charities, $190 billion to give away in 50k increments to people in need. The rest is basically to cover the overhead and staffing of my "giving it all away", candidates must be vetted.
mnlrt8891 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy Reddit and give myself all the Reddit trophies.
calamitykitty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Legitimate answer,
Buy a house, new car, and get myself and my family set up for the future. I have a son, who could make a lot for himself with money for a proper education, or even some cash to try as many things as possible.
Selfish answer,
I'd just go on a massive shopping spree. It would be glorious. I'd buy things I don't even need and still have money left over.
bob-w ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate it. Keep the bare minimum to survive and try to make people happy
NoSoyTuPotato ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Boring answer:
Build free children's hospitals almost everywhere
Build super elite schools everywhere in the USA and pay teachers $100k a year so that maybe we can never have a Trump presidency again and the dumbification of this country can die.
Then give everybody I meet $1 million dollars for like a year while I travel the world.
monday_madrigal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Subsidize health care.
THE_GR8_MIKE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shit the bed.
n4h0y ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep, I don't need to work
ImLosingAtLife ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd tell my parents to no longer worry and do as they please, pay off their house, the debt of everyone in my family; now and in the future, then I'd buy cool things for myself; a lot of weed, more weed. I'd probably send some money to closest friends, maybe donate some to local charities..
Eve_Asher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd give 10x reddit gold to everyone who gives it to me now.
Aldee88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All the drugs.
mistermannequin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire a lawyer. It sounds like my life is about to get crazy complicated.
clamberrypie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd get my neighbor some guitar lessons and a really nice low-power amplifier
r1v3th3ad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Purchase desolate remote location property, thousands of acres.
Buy a complex safe that looks like a pirate chest.
Convert money into gold. Insert gold into pirate safe.
Hide pirate chest safe on purchased property, tell no one.
Plunder for more treasure and acquire concubines.
Raise the jolly roger.
Watch the Pittsburgh professional baseball team win.
QueenRubie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Undermine the government
MIkeHBrown ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:03:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give 999 Billion to the Bill and Melinda Gates foundation.
blodisnut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:03:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate 999 billion to charity.
If I can't live on a billion dollars, I might be a republican.
LightSQR ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:03:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd pay off my mortgage.
DwayneWonder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:03:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wtf?I'd get cocaine and hookers.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:03:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
After lawyer, accountant, paying off family bills, etc., and while fixing up my house and stuff...
I'd start 6-8th grade boarding schools for girls from (maybe not exclusively) poor urban areas. I'd groom them for math and science, make sure they played sports and learned music, and then "feed" them into boarding high schools on full scholarships. Yip, I'm using my money to put a small dent in a long list of imbalances in America -- black/brown skin lower income and opportunity, and women in STEM.
I figure $1B buys land, builds the infrastructure, and has endowment to pay operating costs of a 6-8 grade boarding school for 500 girls. So maybe I build 10 of 'em, and low and behold, that's roughly 1600 girls with potential a year being pulled out of their current track and being put on an entirely different one. At some point you run out of high end private boarding high schools to send them to (on scholarship), so this doesn't scale up massively. Hell, that's only 1% of my money.
Let's say they don't all get full scholarships to college, but instead average $100,000 in total costs for four years, including tuition, room, board, and travel to/from. Let's say I cover that. Each year that's an additional 1600 x $100,000 = $160,000,000 = 160M in obligation. To endow that scholarship, that requires 160M x 20 = $3.2B. More pocket change, so I'd do that too.
Imagine how America changes if, each year, 1600 black girls with potential but from poor families in poor schools go on to graduate from colleges with STEM degrees and do debt instead of what they would have done otherwise. Sure, they won't all make it, and sure, some might have made it anyway, but the additional is substantial. Imagine how this impacts America -- our poverty, our diversity in STEM industries, and our overall achievement in STEM globally.
And all of that, built in perpetuity, cost me less than $20B of my $1000B.
After that, I'd open businesses focused on developing renewable electricity generation (even, maybe, at a loss) while paying union wages and doing right by people, and I'd buy me a few politicians, a minor league baseball team, and then start buying up apartment buildings, retrofitting them to be highly energy efficient, and renting them out.
RichHammond ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:41:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Someone get this man some money!
Temperment ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:03:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start a reality TV show and run for president in 2020.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:03:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Congratulations, you now have 90% of the money in circulation. Either everyone has lost their cash or the dollar just lost half its value.
sunnyday247damnt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:03:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would spend some on my education and then travel travel travel. Oh, I wish that could be true
combatsports4life ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:03:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make my hometown a utopia. Then hopefully expand to the county and so on. Would take smart investing of that money as well.
poorimaginations ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:03:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm assuming the money is legally mine.
I would be worried someone would try to influence me, rob me, coerce me, kill me or some other dirty play.
A trillion dollars is an astronomical amount of money that attracts attention.
If we assume it remains secret I think I would quit my job because I don't feel it contributes to my happiness besides letting me care for myself.
I expect I would travel more, eat at more expensive restaurants.
Maybe I would give some money to deserving charities.
I would buy a nice apartment with an indoor swimming pool.
I would make sure my relatives were economically secure, but maybe not gifting them millions of dollars. Maybe I would by some expensive gifts.
I don't know what would happen. The most important thing is that you gain freedom. Now I have to force myself to work in order to live. If you have money you can remove that huge burden from your shoulders and that's certainly life changing.
TCsnowdream ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:03:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire an accountant and make sure I pay my taxes on that... As soon as possible.
Theungry ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:03:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call a lawyer.
Structure $100m dollar trust for my kid.
Put $100m into diversified balanced portfolio (set to balance out gains around the market rise and fall and interest rate rises and falls) leave it alone for the most part, this is the emergency fund.
Put $100m into an index fund, and plan my living expenses around the interest on that. That's more than enough to live in complete comfort and for my wife and I to do whatever we want for the rest of our days.
Buy a condo in NYC and a nice house in the Boston area.
Set up $10m trusts for several important family members and dear friends.
Call Bill Gates and talk strategy for setting up a foundation that can do the most good for the long term progress of humanity with the other $999,000,000,000
dammit_kitty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:03:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would*
BigIdeaMagic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:03:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed.
vairoletto ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:04:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1- Buy japan
2- Rename it to West Korea Best Korea
S1wbrn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:04:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep.
brooker1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:04:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
sleep in, then buy a nice piece of land with a view to build a house for myself and another one for my grandmother
PornPartyPizzaPayday ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:04:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Burn the money and kill myself
EdwardDupont ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:04:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Does anyone have the link to the guy who said he'd live on a plane for his entire life. He'd get a rumor started about how he's always lived there and has a raffle or something for only 1 reporter to interview him. Then he crashes the plane the reporter is in and everyone thinks he's dead. In reality he's still on a plane living in the sky and now is a myth/legend.
B3NGINA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:04:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep in
Theblob789 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:04:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cripple the world's economy
mjohnson95 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:04:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The joke answer is pay my rent!!!
The real answer is pay my rent...
astro_turd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:04:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would invest it and turn it into 2 trillion $
EverExistence ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:04:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/personalfinance immediately lol
LegendaryGoji ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:04:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know I'd certainly put a few billion towards NASA. That's all I know I'd do. The rest...I dunno.
LurkingMongoose ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:04:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get my damn teeth fixed.
TurboSquid719 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:04:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire the best engineers in the world to build me a badass mech suit. Have a 2v1 duel against the US and Japan ones!
Democracy_Dude ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:04:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would build a couple of schools in the most uneducated parts of America. I would make them completely free for anyone who wants to attend from kindergarten to college courses. I would pay the teachers 100,000$ a year to ensure that I'm getting some of the best and brightest teachers from across the country. Each school would have a world class gym, which would also be free to anyone living in the area. They would also have state of the art computer rooms where there would be free classes on programming.
Then I'd use the leftover money on drugs.
ZooWap ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:05:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Leave my family, find happiness.
Beefie79 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:05:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
first, I will get an heart attack, I think
Kervin00 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:05:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time, man.
MacAdler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:05:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The GDP of my country is 160 billion USD... I would buy my country. Then I would take all the corrupt politicians and put them in cages along the main road. Start building mega complexes to get the people out of shacks and nasty neighborhoods. Turn this places into public parks. Being down taxes to half of what they are now. Decentralize government to make it more local so people are more accountable. Give tax exemptions to companies that pay more to their workers and give them further education. Turn the country into a nonprofit organization and give every citizen a share on it and leave a minimal nominal central government.
Go see the world and retire to Scotland to raise sheep and drink whiskey while I wait for everything to eventually go to fucking hell because people will always find a way to fuck everything up.
LTDlimited ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:05:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Think about how I couldn't even put a dent in the national debt.
amdamanofficial ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:05:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have read an interesting German novel about this. It's about a guy who inherits a trillion dollars from an Italian Merchant from the 15th century, when modern banking was invented. He tries to make the world a better place with his money for which he first becomes biggest global player with his global Fontanelli Corporation. When he gets lost by accident somewhere in Manila he finds out about a boy who has to pay back a giant loan to the bank which he owns. He then realizes that as the richest man in the world he hasn't changed anything for the small man. He now has the idea to have a worldwide election of a 'world speaker' who represents all of earth (Nelson Mandela is voted). Fontanelli concludes that money alone can't change the bad in the world even if a benevolent guy has all the money. The novel had it's flaws but was an interesting read.
FruitCreamSicle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:05:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First thinks first get it out of the USD
Cjymiller ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:05:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a single family home in the SF bay area. Preferably with a nice garage, but we cant be too picky at that price point can we...
DontLetYourslefDoIt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:05:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would travel to my closest friend and pay for an ultra exposures passport to do so. Then I would invite her to travel the world with me. When we got back I would build a castle with an 8 foot stone wall around a large property in the forest.
Zibani ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:05:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Run for president.
bueschwd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:05:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know what i wouldn't do.....go back to work
justice7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:05:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy everyone Reddit gold
Esc_ape_artist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:05:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Help where I can.
AsAiNmAN1234 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy some bape fuck supreme flex
DottoraQN ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay all of my friends student loans. Then move out of my parents house.
ConfusingDalek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Step 1: Fix the fucking internet monopolies
Step 2: Fix super high healthcare prices because with a trillion dollars you can throw some weight around.
Step 3: Pour tons of money into outer space research.
HDOOM16 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed. I sure as hell won't be going to work anymore
BigDaddySalmon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd get a lawyer immediately. Seek out land, build my dream home, buy a car, and put the rest away.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Create one of the biggest Clubs/Discos/Casinos in the world with only the funkiest and best hand picked songs for the place and top tier models for men and women along and guaranteeing one person a night gets a jackpot of a Million dollars.
hjc135 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well I'd start with all of the alcohol, and the next day I'd wake up with 1 dollar
valueape ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy out the US government and make the country work for the people and the planet.
sarah_iranca ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd give out a small loan of 1 trillion dollars
randommnguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give everyone in the world a million dollars, and start a foundation to help educate people on how to properly use money to invest in themselves and a collective future.
Edit: also take a trip around the moon.
Z-man9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time
ayyyylmao6 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
convert it to BPS
satanic_pony ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd invest half then buy a modest house on a large property. I would also build my dream garage with 4 post lifts, every tool I'll ever need, a plasma table, 5 axis mill, and lathe. Then I'd buy all the cars and motorcycles I wanted growing up.
SupremePeepi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One word.... Harem.
lulz85 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire a chauffer.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would text my colleagues I wasn't coming in, and I'd tell one of them (the only one who is actually a nice person) to quit too as she can have a like 10mil.
theanarchris ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Leave
hokiethug ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:07:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
PirateCodingMonkey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:07:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
open a shelter for homeless lgbt youth
wolftic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:07:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd build a real life role playing game with robot enemies to get Exp from. Robot boss battles with trampolines to get to higher points. I'd probably also hire shopkeepers etc.
MrSoapAd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:07:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy reddit and make my posts sticky to the front page.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:07:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest in space travel and quantum computing. Become best buddies with Elon Musk.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:07:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:07:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay as many assassin's as I could to kill everyone in trumps cabinet including him.
mrpopenfresh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:07:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Devalue a currency and then take advantage of it to control in large part a country. Wether for nefarious virtuous intentions, I haven't decided yet.
WOLFxANDxRAVEN ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:07:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing.
Like, the "fuck it, Im not going to college anymore, I'm not going to work, bye all" kind of nothing.
Probably buy an apartment. Start living alone, buy the things for said apartment, sleep all day, play videogames all day, eat pizza, sushi or tacos all day.
Hopefully this on another country. Not like I hate mine, but I like big cities.
Then, ask myself "how did I got 1 trillion dollars?".
zipperkiller ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:07:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
(Assuming that this was not some manner of error) I would start with long talks with the ATF and a lawyer about buying one of every gun I can find in america. Buy my ma a house, probably the rest of the family houses and cars too. nothing too fancy. they'll need to be able to afford taxes and whatnot. Build a work shop, start welding again. most of it would probably be given away to charity/maybe even start my own charity, so I could make sure the money is actually doing good
redditlurker56 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:07:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a bunch of companies working with CRISPR cas9 then probably give Elon Musk half of the money to get our asses out into space
driop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck the economy.
raggleflaggle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
buy the presidency
SuzukiiLock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cash in for 100000000000 pennies.
biaaaa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have so many dishonest shitty people in my family that I would immediately be terrified.
I would delete Facebook, first and foremost.
Secondly, my husband would go out in search of a fuck ton of land, in which we would convert into a family and friend style farm with houses for the ones we care about, far enough apart to not have neighbors.
Once that was finished, we would grab said friends and family, make them sign a legal clause to not disseminate information, then we would tell them about winning money (think millions instead of a trillion), and about their new houses.
Set up trust funds for kids, friends/family's kids, etc. donate a bunch. Get lipo/tummy tuck. Hire a nanny to travel the world with us and teach our kids.
You know, normal stuff.
MediocreMisery ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First make sure it was actual real money, see if it was stashed there by someone not looking to kill me if I touched it.
Assuming it was 100% legal and it wasn't going to be seized, I'd have to contact an accountant to get it all put on the books with the IRS as income and pay the absolutely crazy amount of money that would come along with that. Which would still leave me with an insane amount of money.
After that, I'd take stock of how much I had and then truly decide what to do with it. I'd set aside some to give to friends/family to make sure they were taken care of. Not enough to be crazy, but enough to ensure they would have no hardships and could save up for their kids/retirement.
I'd have a good "fun" fund for doing whatever I wanted for a few years in addition to making sure I could pay my expenses. I'd put a chunk into savings, letting me build interest year over year as a "salary" and then the rest would go into stocks and the like.
I'd live like that for a few years at least, having fun, adjusting specifics in terms of how much is where, and then ultimately I would probably try to start a business, or buy one I really enjoy. Or maybe I'd just accrue money while having a blast in life and then dictate the rest be given away to various charities and such when I die.
enzo3011 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Roll over and go back to sleep, knowing you can do whatever the hell you want when you get up.
kacsa510 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:57:37 on August 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
give me half..
zer0fun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed and get the best sleep of my life
sgtsnyder88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
-pay off existing debt
-set aside a safety net to last a lifetime
-establish a strong legal team
-establish an even stronger financial team, invest accordingly
-relocate to a more secure location
-hire on a private security team
-establish a troll fund to just start fucking with douchebag companies and individuals
ProductionPlanner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed
Slavsquatter1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time.... with that kinda money I'm thinking a guy like me could put something like that together.
missmaykdh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Move out and invite my boyfriend. And buy him everything and go to fitness cause then I could afford that ~^
fionngeener ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy you English lessons xd
slammer592 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everything. I would do everything.
Barenger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get my electricity turned back on for sure. Then hook my mom up for helping me out years ago so she wouldn't have to work. Coast on the rest with as little extravagant purchases as possible.
Mallrat1973 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1VM2eLhvsSM
Buy the World a Coke of course.
bhalalhaika ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put it all on black. Or even. Low third is just too risky.
Infinite_Vortex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd keep a decent amount but donate the rest. Too much money fucks with your head.
PirateNinjaa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:09:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build a spaceship and get the fuck off this rock filled with dumbasses.
S13Ni ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:09:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would pretend nothing has happened at first. I would not probably instantly leave my job or studies. Having trillion dollars I would troll everyone I know so much.
GreatTragedy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:09:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just to provide some context, that amount of money in a 1% yearly interest account makes $27,397.26 every day. I mean what the fuck?
BigBananaDealer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:09:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
team up with 30 other trillionaires in this thread and pay off america's debt?
mangojonesss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:09:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Realistically, i wouldn't tell anyone or live my life differently. I would slowly start moving my stuff to another country (Norway sounds fun) and then I would tell my boyfriend and close friends, give money to my godmother and good friends and then move. I'd pay off any and all debt I had and invest in a business (I really want a bar) and let my money make me money somehow.
No im dreaming about not being poor.
SneakNSnore ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:09:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Roll over and sleep in.
rorodot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:09:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Find the best lawyers and real estate agents in the world, buy an island and hide on it while my lawyers protect me from taxes.
PurpleMika ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:09:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire a financial adviser
Bamboozlerino ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:09:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spend 600 billion of it on guns, bombs, tanks and jets.
exiledconan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:09:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy manhattan and kick everyone out.
J-MAMA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:09:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One way ticket to the moon.
marimo_is_chilling ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:09:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll be creating a utopia. Since I'm in a tiny country, I could establish a decades-long program to overhaul the entire place for the better. (I checked, 1 T means I could afford to match the nation's 2015 GDP for 25 years.) I'd be creating thousands of good jobs, giving out tons of grants, and would still have more than enough for my entire family to live comfortably for generations after.
ArsenalOwl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:10:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would no longer need the middle men of charities, I could just go fucking build wells and farms and schools in poor countries.
ShockinglyEfficient ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:10:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Obviously start a country and declare myself president for life. Do you know how many countries have a GDP of less than 1 trillion dollars? I don't, but I think it's a lot.
TarantulaMcGuffin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:10:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest it all in planetary travel and exploration, colonization, etc.
PectusExcavatumBlows ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:10:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Figure out how to not collapse the global economy.
CaptainDickFarm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:10:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Promptly die of a heart attack
I_masturbate_errday ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:10:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Feign support for Trump's wall and build the whole thing out of my own pocket. Then give my best Nelson from the Simpsons laugh, blow the whole thing up and tell Trump it was all a joke and the wall was a stupid idea to begin with.
Twopints1977 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:10:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd donate 99.99% to a charitable trust that would invest the money and donate the proceeds to good causes.
I'd set it up so that the initial amount remained in the fund (adjusting for inflation) and just the proceeds of the investments was donated each year, so that it could keep on providing for ever.
I'd live a very nice life with the remaining $100,000,000. I don't need any status symbols or luxury yachts. A nice apartment in London and a house in the country, plenty of travel, eating in nice restaurants, going to see shows, trying new experiences. $100M would be more than enough for me.
ccmann100 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:10:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay my fucking rent
fuzzymidget ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:10:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably devalue the dollar quite a bit.
JunkBondJunkie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:10:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy T, JNJ , PG, UNP,CSX,NSC, mmm out right. So that way I own the railroads to control my competitors and household staples to make even more money.
TheWanAndObi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:10:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So much bud tbh
SporkOfThor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:10:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whenever I think of this, I always start idealistically, then head to the lowest energy pretty fast.
Steve Martin's "A Holiday Wish"
If I had one wish that I could wish this holiday season, it would be that all the children to join hands and sing together in the spirit of harmony and peace. If I had two wishes I could make this holiday season, the first would be for all the children of the world to join hands and sing in the spirit of harmony and peace. And the second would be for 30 million dollars a month to be given to me, tax-free in a Swiss bank account. You know, if I had three wishes I could make this holiday season, the first, of course, would be for all the children of the world to get together and sing, the second would be for the 30 million dollars every month to me, and the third would be for encompassing power over every living being in the entire universe. And if I had four wishes that I could make this holiday season, the first would be the crap about the kids definitely, the second would be for the 30 million, the third would be for all the power, and the fourth would be to set aside one month each year to have an extended 31-day orgasm, to be brought out slowly by Rosanna Arquette and that model Paulina-somebody, I can't think of her name. Of course my lovely wife can come too and she's behind me one hundred percent here, I guarantee it. Wait a minute, maybe the sex thing should be the first wish, so if I made that the first wish, because it could all go boom tomorrow, then what do you got, y'know? No, no, the kids, the kids singing would be great, that would be nice. But wait a minute, who am I kidding? They're not going to be able to get all those kids together. I mean, the logistics of the thing is impossible, more trouble than it's worth! So -- we reorganize! Here we go. First, the sex thing. We go with that. Second, the money. No, we got with the power second, then the money. And then the kids. Oh wait, oh jeez, I forgot about revenge against my enemies! Okay, I need revenge against all my enemies, they should die like pigs in hell! That would be my fourth wish. And, of course, my fifth wish would be for all the children of the world to join hands and sing together in the spirit of harmony and peace. Thank you everybody and Merry Christmas.
Confusedandspacey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:10:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a telsa, start a CBD farm, help the poor!
Borntobechild ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:10:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 chicks
Alundra828 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:10:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spending a trillion dollars would be tiring. But this is exactly how I would do it.
First thing I'd buy is advice. I'd hire a financial adviser, and a lawyer to go over if this money was legit. They don't need to be good ones, just cheapies to get all the red tape out of the way. I'd also make sure they had no connections to anyone I knew, so I could cut them off at a moments notice, because I'm gonna keep this money quiet for as long as I can while I have fun.
I would buy 3-5 houses, 3-5 businesses in every major city in the western world, and rent them out. This may take a few years to do. But the money from all of this will give me a good earner if things ever went truly tits up and it gives me a nice grassroots reputation builder as a serious businessman. I'll do this as incognito as I can.
I would then set up trust funds to my next 1000 direct descendants. 1 million in each. It has a cool ring to it that my dynasty will be millionaires for a thousand generations. I think that's a pretty good way to get my name being spoken thousands of years in the future.
I'd then buy all the ridiculous stuff and shit, like a stupid house, stupid car, just have as much fun as I can, see the world, learn as many skills as I can. But invest smartly in ideas that will make money, and benefit humanity
Then BOOM start a space program with aims to harvest mineral wealth from asteroids. Haul back one meteor made of solid platinum, make another trillion. Boom. Get dat' Tony Stark/Elon Musk vibe going on.
With all of that, I've secured my happiness and well being. Taken care of the financial issues of my next 1000 descendants, stimulated my countries economy by buying stuff like a retard, furthered my countries space race goals, which in turn brings wealth in from outer space to be divided up between us on Earth which makes us more enthusiastic about space travel, and written myself into the history books.
Woodrow1701 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:10:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ahga outen bahsem sterph, yip, dat wahdoo
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:10:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off all my student loans, wife's student loans, all my mom's debts.
Then, I'd buy my mom a house and hire a maid, because she can't clean for shit.
I'd buy some cool cars, give a bunch to charity, and just write books non-stop.
danimality11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:11:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd go to the bank and make them give it to me in all $1 bills.
PlasmaLink ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:11:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a Tesla, a nice house, a bunch of electronics, I'm not sure about the rest. I'd for sure be giving a ton away constantly, like at least 20% of that whole thing would go to charities. That would ease my conscience.
I'd probably start up a game studio and start directing games, occasionally working on them myself. I've kind of always wanted to do that, but people 10 years older than me already took all the jobs. Not having to worry about the bottom line would mean I could basically do whatever the fuck I wanted with the company, so that's nice.
It'd also be nice knowing I can actually afford to live as a millennial, because oops the housing market.
immadoosh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:11:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hmm, just live as usual, but without the going to work routine.
Gonna go to uni again and learn stuff. Renovate my house, help people here and there.
Invest in stuff, dabble in stocks a lil bit, buy lands.
pennhead ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:11:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would quickly explain to the owners of the mansion that I have no idea how I got into their home, then beg them to not call the police.
makswell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:11:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Peruse r/evilbuildings until I find a new home.
eastendmopjockey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:11:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time
David3692 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:11:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well tomorrow is Friday so I get a sausage mcmuffin from McDonald's on Fridays. If I had a trillion dollars I might get a double.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:11:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
order people to kill all snails in the world
EloquenceMarie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:11:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put a lot of it away or invest it, buy my mom a new house, take my parents out to an amazing dinner, and find a few charities to donate to. Pretty much what I've always wanted to do with any money.
ManicTheNobody ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:11:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First, go to a lawyer and get some financial advice. Make sure I don't end up with no money far too soon. Second, start a massive advertising campaign to convince Americans to switch to universal healthcare. Third, buy a small mansion (a maybe 6 or 7 bedroom house with a swimming pool, tennis court, and running track) in a nice quite midwestern state and pay probably google to run fiber out to it. Next, hire a language coach and a personal trainer and find a good psychiatrist. After that I set up a kick ass den with two battlestations, one fully decked out with AMD and the other one all out intel+nVidia. Set up a wall with every console ever made and a couple of MAME machines, one dedicated exclusively to playing JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Heritage for the Future. In another room, set up a top of the line recording studio. Then, I finally spend a lot of money on cosplay so I can do all the weird fun things I've considered over the years like Ansem and Guardian and go to all the cons. I then make sure to set up my mom and my sister with nice comfortable places to live, because they deserve it. I would probably keep making indie games and websites because I love doing that.
Rainbwned ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:11:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would hire the Undertaker and Mankind to reenact the event where in nineteen ninety eight the Undertaker threw Mankind off Hell In A Cell, and plummeted 16ft through an announcer's table.....from space.
K4SHM0R3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:11:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Something something snail
bboyle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:11:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go buy a better bed then go to sleep in it.
Legin_666 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:12:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Id give each of my lifelong friends 1 bill
KrazyTrumpeter05 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:12:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
N O T H I N G
O
T
H
I
N
G
For like a week and then I'd probably start traveling and doing cool space shit with that money.
HailCorduroy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:12:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not a goddamn thing. Because I have a trillion dollars.
RaiRaii ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:12:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd go to the movies and buy a large popcorn with medium drinks.
gallis72 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:12:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make America great again, buy a country or 2
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:12:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Could finally afford a decent computer then . along with everyone I ran into.
funnyferret ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:12:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put it in a bank, buy cool shit from all the interest. Start a fusion reactor and give the energy away for free. Give the rest of my money to nasa to do cool shit.
DreamsOfNeonCities ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:12:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Okay attempt #2.
I'd collapse in 100% of fully fledged no-holding-back anxiety.
After that..
I'd stay in bed for a few more hours then probably freshen up. I'd put my clothes on, jump on my bed, and shop for every single thing I have wanted for a while now.
All the concert tickets, all the plane tickets, all the sneakers shirts hoodies pants whatever you call em, all the games I want, a new tv. Probably a spree on CD's and Blu Rays and books. I'd put away a measly 10% of my money for everyone after me to live off of.
I'd pay of my dad's debt and say sorry for saying the hurtful things I said even if he deserved them.
I'd go shop for some new phones (yes of course multiple) and highbrand headphones. Maybe see all movies I wanna see in the cinema. Meanwhile I'm keeping this on the hush hush.
Come Saturday, make my parents take me to a fancy car dealership (I dont drive yet) and tell them to pick one. Pay my dad money to retire. Pay mum money to follow her dreams, hair salon or something.
Im meeting my best best friends on Saturday, so tell them the movie and drinks are on me (snacks on them though) and let them know we'll be going on a vacation to their destination of choice in a PJ.
Walk back home. Lay in bed. Prepare for delivery madness on Tuesday. Wake up. Still make minimum wage. Accept. Move on.
a_danish_citizen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:12:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty much the same.. My bachelor project ain't gonna make itself..
Catfish_Mudcat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:12:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cocaine.
serbeardless ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:12:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shower, eat breakfast, and then go to work. When I get home in the evening is when I'll start figuring out what I can do with the money. Until then, I'll just try to get used to the idea that I have more money than I can possibly spend.
bashturn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:12:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give 999 billions away
batman0730 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:13:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fund every project on donors choose.
cjdudley ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:13:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Let it ride! Back to bed!
duckfacelove ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:13:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a medium sized island, hire a PMC, establish sovereignty, invite family and friends to live under my dictatorship
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:13:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bank account with most of it, and put the rest into stock brokering. Some expensive spending as well though of course
Gunner_McNewb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:13:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the next Presidency.
babycastles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:13:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LENR
SnuggLife ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:13:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cars! Boats! And Hoes! YOLO
gestasoup ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:13:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would understand that we were in a dystopian world where dollar holds no value in the market. I would then probably give it to the kids to make paper planes.
the_huntsvillian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:13:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy out all the radio stations in my state and make them play Luke Bryan's hit single "Play it Again" for a whole day on repeat commercial free.
Why? Because deep down I'm a sick person.
aidenmc3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:14:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Own all Star Wars collectibles so I can laugh in my fathers face. Oh, and like some houses for my loved ones. Nice ones.
TONKAHANAH ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:14:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've always said the first thing I'd do if I ever came into a large sum of money like that would be to buy my parents a house on the beach front in San Diego. Though with that kind of money I'd probably just have a custom home built for them.
aedroogo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:14:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I guess move somewhere that I could spend it without being detained indefinitely for questioning.
Zemedelphos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:14:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put away what's needed to pay the taxes, invest a majority, split the rest in half and donate half of it to charities of my choice and random Gofundmes I wanna help.
14bikes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:14:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build a house out of all the bricks I would shit
ToPimpAKogmaw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:14:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start giving outs small loans of a million dollars
RoyMyLife ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:14:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would be instantly to and confused, then immediately look at stock and Bitcoin prices to see if my new money has destroyed the world economy with horrendous inflation.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:14:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably just pay off my debt. Then spend the rest of my life thinking about what to do with a trillion dollars. Maybe a nice coat from the flea market.
ristoman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:14:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy out Entertainment 7even20, duh.
Detlef Schrempf on call 24/7? That's balling right there
CICaesar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:14:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck!
processthis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:14:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd run a real life CTU, complete with Kiefer Sutherland.
OH1177 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:14:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Woke up with an unexplained trillion dollars, must be Republican Senator/congressman.
YourCrohnie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:14:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to Vegas. Put it all on black.
JoesusTBF ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:14:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cancel my impending mortgage, pay off mine and my wife's student loans, get in contact with some people about investing the remaining $999,999,800,000.
memehugger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd pay you to make this question grammatically correct
Caedro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would play Civilization: Real World
Coopering ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire respected and retired MI6 officer Christopher Steele to get back to work uncovering Kremlingate, with the full protection he needs from the GRU and any other 'private' security forces hired by Western parties.
feloser ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Microsoft and then bastardize it. I'm bitter because of not getting a job there.
plexabit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd purchase all the vending machines. All of them. I'd make a killing.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy myself an island, get the best internet connection there is, build a small villa, a big ass weed plantage and a private jet to get myself some doritos and mountaindew for live
PyroIsShy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Use my vast fortune to fund a communist revolution.
acepow4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd just save it for later, and spend about a million of it as soon as I can
thischangeseverythin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Keep 10, 15mil. Then pay off as many redditors college, education and housing debts as possible. Find some families with hard working but working poor with kids they would die for and give them 10 mil.
AaronWould ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep because I won't have to go to my stupid job anymore...
Deaf-Control ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd honestly put it in my retirement funds, while keeping 100 dollars for me and donating a few thousand dollars to my friend to help her get back on her feet.
frostysauce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the Red Sox, move them to New York. Buy the Yankees, move them to Boston.
Bruton_Gastor123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:18:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So you want to start a few riots?
frostysauce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:51:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, there will be riots. Thankfully, I'll be far away safe in Mexico. (But I'll really be in Canada.)
biggles1994 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Immediately post it on /r/PersonalFinance and rake in the karma.
kitizl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Knowing how miserly I am when it comes to handling money, I probably wouldn't spend a single cent.
BuckFunker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time.
Bigspang88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sell my house, sell my car, pay off and divorce the wife, take the kids to a far away country and go off grid as best we can. Train a bear and ride that bitch through the woods. Buy a helicopter crew to restock us and feed us and all that but enjoy my own quiet living. Also buy a satellite for my own TV and Internet kinda thing as well. And also buy a hot teacher that teaches my kids.
isaac81135 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make my own company and get some more $$$
FPS_Casey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep
notexecutive ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my student loans, and end up with one dollar after
blakhawk12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:16:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put it all in a low-risk account and live off the interest.
Tkainzero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:16:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wouldn't tell anyone...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:16:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[removed]
Bruton_Gastor123 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:17:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Threads like this make me realize I'm a selfish fuck
EE_Tim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:16:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1.) Call in sick to work.
2.) Buy a
boatfreaking yacht.3.) Hire a captain for said yacht.
4.) Go straight to New Zealand.
thektulu7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:16:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dang, that's a lot of money.
I guess, to start, I'd buy a house and get it landscaped to basically be a permaculture food forest. Then I'd make sure my parents' house was paid off and buy my sister a house. I'd set up college funds for my nieces and future kids.
After that, I'd probably set up a few scholarships and fellowships for universities across the country. These would be four-year, full-ride scholarships for undergrads and full-tuition assistantships for grad students with a stipend of $50,000. I'd pay someone with more financial expertise than I do to figure out the maximum number of these scholarships I could provide indefinitely (or at least a good century): how much money would I need to leave unspent in order to gain interest on the remainder to keep the schools funded enough to continue offering the same number of scholarships minus one? (That one would be the money I live off of, about $60-75,000 a year.)
And then I'd go and work for one of those universities, teaching a section or two of writing each semester. (So not a lot, but enough to give me something to do.) Maybe I'd also take a class every now and then and keep on learning.
Jonny_EP3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:16:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aside from the usual family/friends etc -- Start a quest to end poverty, famine, and war, and do everything I could to help humanity achieve the status of a Type 2 civilization.
MattRB4444 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:16:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep in.
redgumdrop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:16:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a house, adopt all cats.
OriginalDoug ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:16:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whatever the fuck I want
Bruton_Gastor123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:16:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Continue working where I do, buy some cool shit, buy a house, become a lobbyist and live comfortably. Probably donate lots
weightroom711 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:16:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy like 100 remtal properties in San Francisco area and pay a guy 100k a year to maintain them. Guaranteed income for life, leaving me with $999,900,000,000. I'd probably give it all to SpaceX, on the condition that I get to go to Mars first.
muffinpoots ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:16:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep in.
yashchand ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:17:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd build the most outrageous computer and every year build a new one and give away the old one.
mushroohm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:17:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know weddings cost a fortune, but, man, I'd feel like princess for 1 day!
SocksForWok ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:17:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy stuff from Newegg, clear at least one of my wish lists which would be just over $1000.
SweaterZach ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:17:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I pay my mortgage, credit card, and car off. I make sure I'm completely square with all debtors, past and present. I buy my wife whatever building she wants for her theatre company and get her settled doing what she loves.
Then I start the process of paying off ~75% of the entire student loan debt owed by Americans. I'll probably start with those who owe the most and work my way down, but everyone sees at least 50% of their student loans vanish like a bad dream.
With the $50 million or so I have left over, I invest in local infrastructure and "sustainable city" efforts for Kansas City, MO. I help subsidize installation of electric car chargers, community gardens and more farmer's markets, and maybe pay the Metro a few million to give everyone free/"donation suggested" bus rides for a year. Try to get my fellow Kansas Citians addicted to environmental friendliness.
Caedro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:17:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can we work on getting this person a trillion dollars?
rhinovodka ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:17:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy South Dakota and declare myself Queen.
RudolphMorphi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:17:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spend the next week or so just laughing. And windering if I was going to jail.
I1lI1llII11llIII1I ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:17:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wonder how I got to Zimbabwe.
itsgreekpete ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:17:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lot of people on the world need some help... I have my work cut out for the next couple of years
Square_Tomato ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:17:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 : 1 million :: 2 million : 1 trillion.
.... So besides 2 million chicks at the same time?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:17:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Move somewhere that the money is worth a different amount and be the richest man ever xD
willisan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:17:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
500,000 chicks at the same time
MarsbarMaze ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:17:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get my money sorted in two a few different accounts, skip school, go on a online shopping spree, buy property on every continent, host a giant fck you to everybody party.
Damn_Croissant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:17:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the Washington Wizards
LordStrogar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:17:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Torch my car, buy a new one. Then torch that one. Some men just want to watch the world burn...
10GO_L_PP_T_S_O ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:18:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy investment properties
sethandtheswan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:18:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay all my debts, give everyone I care about 1,000,000, put 10,000,000 into savings, buy every bullshit thing I want, and put the rest into investments in green energy and dismantling the global fossil fuels infrastructure.
Just completely de-value gas, coal, oil, and anything that creates carbon emissions.
HelmuthG ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:18:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep a bit more, then get a good lawyer.
IamManuelLaBor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:18:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off every debt of: my family out to the most removed cousin, my friends and their families, and pay off every single person in my neighborhood's mortgage.
Pay to install solar panels on every house of my family/friends and every family in my neighborhood, 500m fund in place to pay pg&e/other grid fees in perpetuity.
College tuition fund for: every single child related to me by blood from now to the end of time, every child my friends ever have and of course any friend or family member who wants to go back to school and every kid currently living in my neighborhood.
100% free healthcare for: all family members, all friends and their families as well.
Basic income fund for: friends and family as above.
100 million dollar donation to my old high school on the condition that it all goes towards maintaining/expanding their music and arts departments + the library and computer labs forever.
100 million dollar donation to the local community college with the same stipulation as above.
100 million dollar donation to the public library co-op network of the San Joaquin Valley - maintain/expand clause ofc.
An additional 50m a piece to the three above towards installing solar panels + energy storage on every square inch of rooftop available to them.
100 million dollars donated to my city on the condition that it be used only to maintain infrastructure i.e. Roads and public transit system.
1 billion dollar fund in every state to pay for every child's school lunch.
5 billion dollars to pay for professors to write textbooks on every conceivable subject from 1st grade to college and give it away for free. Quality control will be the highest priority.
1 billion dollar fund in every state set up to keep every animal shelter no-kill, and to help fund every animal rescue and sanctuary.
1 billion dollar fund in every state to help maintain our national parks/campground/trails.
Found a new city exclusively for the residents of Flint, Michigan. This is of course a massive undertaking, and besides a broad generalization I have no actual idea of the astounding amount of money necessary to see it thru.
Buy the Philadelphia Eagles and move them to San Diego but call them the Philadelphia Eagles of San Diego... Philadelphia Eagles for short. Hire Chip Kelly as grand moff of football operations. Sell team to enterprising chinese billionaire for a song and dance.
Buy Dallas Cowboys from Jerry Jones (every man has his price) keep his son as de facto President/GM. Jason Garrett gets a 20 year extension. Tony Romo becomes QB Coach/offensive assistant/passing game coordinator.
Buy the warshington redskins and move them to Philadelphia. Keep the name.
Buy the New York Giants and Jets and swap their names but keep everything else in place.
Buy out Roger Goodell's contract and hire Barack Obama as commissioner.
100 million dollar tuition fund for aspiring guitarists/bassists/vocalists.
Build my own medium music venue ~1000 or so capacity. Charge no fees to host shows all proceeds go directly to the bands.
Buyout an old warehouse and convert 2/3 of it into practice space for musicians. As many 30x30 soundproofed rooms as possible. All free of charge.
Use the remaining third of that warehouse and Found my own record label and recording studio. Any band that plays at my venue gets free studio time if they so choose. All proceeds go directly to bands.
Build a bbq/mexican restaurant that also does pizza and grilled cheese. House specialty will be a smoked Tri-Tip roast wrapped in maple bacon and stuffed with cream cheese and jalapeรฑos.
Build a bakery adjacent to the bbq joint to supply it with all the breads it needs. Will also specialize in cookies and muffins.
Adjacent to both of those will be a library and a cafe.
All employees of my various enterprises will get 100% free healthcare for themselves and their families, paid college tuition for their children, 50% matched 401ks and pensions when they retire.
I figure I should have anywhere from 100 to 300 billion leftover after all that. I will setup a 50 billion dollar fund for my personal discretion and figure out how to use the rest at a later date.
Hawaiian punch fountains will be mandatory in every building I own.
MilesBurner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:18:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What's the first thing you supposed to do when you hit the lotto? Contact a lawyer or go get the money
malucao37 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:18:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Woke up again
Also if true them buy house by a lake
Aslonz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:18:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would give it to NASA with the condition that which ever planet we colonize is named after me.
piglewiggle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:18:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my debt, pay off my boyfriends debt, pay my boyfriends parents bills for a year, pay off my sisters debt and house, pay off her boyfriends debt, pay off my parents house and debt and bills for a year, by myself and my boyfriend decent reasonable cars, probably start a scholarship.
Also if I ever had hat much money I'd buy a farm and use it to rescue senior dogs and I'd hire ex prisoners to help rehab them and if they were passionate I'd pay for their schooling too.
That leaves me with lim 6 billion still lmao
Janky_amigo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:18:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 chicks at the same time
peppermint_queen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:18:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I woke up tomorrow with a trillion dollars, the first thing I would do is figure out how to provide free birth control for every woman on the planet. Then I would provide food. Then if probably be out of money ๐
Laxusray ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:18:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go the fuck back to sleep so that i can enjoy sleeping in it before its all gone.
kentuck401 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:18:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Smoke as many blunts as my lungs can deal with, Go buy 20 meat mountains from Arby's
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:18:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a small island for my wife and I away from all media and technology, grow all my food and finally live in peace away from people.
soproductive ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:19:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man.. I'd immediately quit both my jobs and travel the world til I got sick of it (I wouldn't).
Before I left though, I'd invest a few billion in some stocks, then spread another few hundred billion around in different accounts, mutual funds, etc..
I'd then take a billion to spread among my friends and family. 100 million each for every family member, but they'd get it in a trust fund over time, not all at once. I'd probably have everyone sign something agreeing to invest a certain percentage of it before they could accept the gift, with the exception of my grandparents, because they just need to live large with the time they have left. As far as giving to friends, I'd probably just take care of them here and there if they needed it or if I wanted them to be able to join me on certain vacations, etc.. Could always just buy them a year off or something to get them to quit their job and then just cover travel expenses.
As I travel the world I'd keep a journal about my favorite spots, then when I go around the world once or twice, I'll start buying property in my favorite places. Then, I'd invest in those local economies and try to do some good with my money by donating where I see fit and so on.
Depending on where I end up spending most of my time living, I'd then spend a good chunk of my funds in politics and lobbying for certain changes I'd like to see, but I'd hire people to deal with that shit. I'd do what I could to restore the EPA, maybe even fund them myself for a couple years if that's feasible, as well as NASA, I'd definitely throw billions their way for the sake of space exploration and such.
glasspheasant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:19:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wonder when the bank takes the money back?
IridiumBobalob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:19:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Become king of Africa.
monkeypuckey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:19:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fund planned parenthood...
db_cooper95 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:19:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd invest in SpaceX and Blue Origin. Maybe grab a steak burrito from Chipotle after
alecs_stan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:19:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build a city on Mars and retire there.
Ehlmaris ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:19:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy seven massive plots of flat land in/near: southern California (probably between Red Rock Park and Edwards AFB), northwest Utah (probably Tooele County just south of I-80 halfway between SLC and the NV border), central Texas desert (near Goodfellow AFB maybe), Nebraska (damn near anywhere - it's freaking Nebraska), south Georgia (Thomasville area? idk), southern Wisconsin (outside of Platteville perhaps), and northern Pennsylvania (a bit NW of Scranton looks good) for $1-10 billion each
Install $100 billion worth of solar power generation in each location
Power America for super cheap - just enough to cover the cost of maintenance and 3% annual expansion
Use the remaining billions setting up electric vehicle charging stations nationwide
Hang out with Elon Musk and chat about how great it is to breathe clean air
noncongruent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:19:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build out a basic deep space infrastructure including asteroid mining. That would probably go the furthest toward saving our species from itself.
Nazaki ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:19:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do I instinctively know I have 1 trillion dollars or do I have to open my bank account? Because I could not look at my account tomorrow and then it's just going to be another normal day.
ESNarumi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:19:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a donut.
hitherehowsitgoingok ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:19:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hell. With 1 trillion dollars I can probably buy my own island have my own army.
MildSadist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:19:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fix detroit
xKingwoodx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:19:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No one said buy a licence for WinRar? I would do that, first thing.
dneronique ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:20:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Short Term:
Call in sick to work, I got things to do
Call a lawyer to see what my options are for disclosure, taxes, money transfer etc
Call a financial advisor. Invest that shit in mutual funds and stocks, maybe gold and whatever else the advisor seems to think is ok. I'd allocate about $100 million to start.
Medium Term:
Quit job
Invest in property, both land houses.
Find a charity or create a charity to drop a bunch of $$ into.
Disclose the true mass of my wealth as little as possible to family members and friends, but being to help with their debts.
Long term
Invest in life extension technologies, gene manipulation etc. Also invest in space technology. Become close-knit with high ranking individuals with power in these fields.
Live forever
Invest more and see the wealth grow infinitely
See death of Earth, move to another planet.
gtrays ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:20:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I won't go anywhere near Fidel Castro with it.
WhatWasWhatAbout ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:20:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd try to end "common money issues", by fostering responsible money management skills, and work ethics around the world.
I could provide high-quality, up-to-date, and localized money management and work ethic trainings around the world. I'd pay anyone ~$100 who passes the training, it'd be a share of the interests accruing on whatever is left after providing these trainings.
If done right, this could be set up to occur every year indefinitely.
butterytabasco ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:20:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off all debt, invest, give my parents a few million, give my brother a few million, same with my cousin and best friends. Move to my dream city, to my dream place, and just hang out for a while until I'm bored. Then jump back into the work force, and coast forever, happily.
Dervish-D ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:20:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I still have my first car, an old Ford Escort 4 speed manual transmission from 1986. I would completely pimp it out and put a big "No Fear" sticker on the back window. Then I would slowly cruise the town in my fully pimped out chick magnet.
Katleesi717 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:20:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd save the world.
philequal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:20:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would start a campaign to teach everyone in the world how to properly spell "tomorrow".
FullplateHero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:20:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Disappear. Poof. Get in my truck and drive somewhere no one will find me for a really long time. Chill there for a while, and come up with more of a plan. Which will probably start with paying off my auto loan and other debt.
Its_bigC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:20:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get tax over with
Johnny_Dickshot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:20:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rocket Voltic
Sumnersetting ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:20:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off student loans, buy a new house/car/video game consoles, put aside money for TAXES, start a trust, hire a financial adviser, make sure I was solid for life, travel, pick out 3-5 favorite charities, invest, probably quit my job so I can sleep more
HappyActually ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:20:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off all my debts. Pay off all my partner's debts. Build a house. Pay off mine and my partner's families' debts and mortgages. See the world, see everything. Have a big family of our own. Have lots of pets. Be happy.
luxmoa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:20:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing. Just nothing. Everyday. Until I die.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to fucking sleep because I don't need to go into work anymore.
luder888 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire a lawyer and find ways to return the money. Someone made a huge mistake and I want no part of it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would pay off about 70% of the US total student debt.
And then be broke again.
graphanite ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Exterminate all snails in the world so I can live forever.
BiblicalInferno ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
100 billion+ Medical/scientific research, and environmental preservation/clean energy. Start a foundation for proper housing for homeless worldwide, and create a support foundation that actually fucking helps countries in need rather than just pocketing an insane amount of donation and profit. Buy all the shit I've ever dreamed of having (not that it'll cost that much.), work on fixing American education and getting proper funding for Public schooling, etc etc etc.
MysticCurse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was going to say that I would donate it all to the US, pay off its debt and go down in history as a hero... but then I looked it up and found out the US is over 20 trillion in debt. So I guess I would start by paying off my own debt.
Marimba_Ani ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Offer a hundred million dollars to the first person who releases Trump's tax returns (and isn't connected to him in any business or familial sense).
Beatful_chaos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would fund as many art programs as I could. Theatres, museums, etc. I'd invest some money to pay off loans and such. The rest? Well... let's just say Back to the Future 4 is going to be really, really good.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy NYC real estate and charge charging reasonable housing prices.
Jk.
Market price and turn 1 trillion into 2.
Flawsphor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
snoring
Luminaria19 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In order:
Call in sick to work
Tell my husband
Research lawyers and financial advisors to make sure I get good ones
Get said lawyer/financial advisor
Follow their advise for investing/saving (I mean, if I play my cards right, I can live off of the interest gained on that much money for the rest of my life)
Put in my two weeks at work
Buy some "fun stuff" (no more than 50k worth, probably much less)
Give a good amount to my parents so they can pay off their debt.
Ditto MIL
Enjoy never having to worry about money again unless I lose my mind and start buying things I don't need or living stupidly extravagantly
foopyx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is a great response for $1 Million.
But...
One Trillion Dollars $1,000,000,000,000 - If you spent one dollar per second, in a day you would spend $86,400. Over the course of a year, your spending would come to more than $31.5 million. At that rate of spending, it would take you over 32,000 years to spend one trillion dollars. (A trillion = 1000 billion.)
Luminaria19 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:36:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Right, but my gut instinct is to just throw money at causes I want to help which could quickly drain that money more than just buying things for myself (oh, Planned Parenthood is getting defunded, time to give them $5 billion).
I'm at least smart enough to recognize that I need to talk to some experts about getting a plan in place (maybe the plan includes a yearly $1 billion charity donation split up amongst a few causes I want to support).
foopyx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I see what you mean, that is smart!
Only $1billion a year? You could do that for a thousand years lol!
Luminaria19 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:54:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, that assumes I spend $0 on anything else the entire year, which I find unlikely. :P
But yeah, it'd be to get a good budget plan in place. I mean, I like to think I'm pretty decent at budgeting, but when working with numbers this large, the scale is daunting, especially when my goal would be to never have to work again unless I wanted to.
EnderG715 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:33:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
6a. Buy said work
10010101 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
hang myself
tommygunz007 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fix Flint's Water Crisis
BL1NDGH0ST ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aside from the shock, I would start funding my inventions. I have dozens of ideas that I believe could become a reality if I only had the funding. Then on to funding all the projects I've wanted to create. After that, paying off debts of all of my family, and setting up education funds for my younger siblings and nieces. Then paying off the homes of all of my close relatives. Quit my job, enroll myself in higher education, and before Fall classes start take my fiance and daughter out to Cali, buy a home and a really big boat, and start sailing.
Shazangarang ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
run, some government organization is definitely onto me
amazondrone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How do I find out that I now have a trillion dollars? Because if I have to check my bank balance, it's going to be a while before I find out, and I'm talking months.
CaptainRedBeard1592 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:22:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy a ton of land, build a barn and a farm house, and start my own farm and ranch.
FyuuR ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:22:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not tell anyone, actually study something I think is cool like design or music
kcexactly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:22:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tear down all the vacant homes in Kansas City. Give everyone at KCFD(where I work) enough to pay off their houses, buy a new car, and pay for their kids college so they never have to be firefighters. Give their kids a chance to make good money and not sacrifice their lives and health for scraps while people with millions live off cavier and don't give two shits about us.
oratethreve ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:22:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What if you did, HMMMM?!
vmcreative ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:22:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always crack up reading these askreddit threads because its hilariously clear people have no idea what to do once they get past like 5 million dollars.
976chip ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:22:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire an accountant and a lawyer.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:22:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Very little, at first. As others have said, seek legal advice and move the money into secure places. I wouldn't even give it to a bank, unless it was in a secured vault. That much money could have an unpredictable effect on the world economy if I just threw it at the banks to play with. Over the next few years I would slowly ramp up my spending and living situation, gradually enough that no one would think I won the lotto and come kill me for my stack of cash. I would also write a detailed will asap in case the worst should happen.
BobTheSCV ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:22:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd spend it all on ridiculously lavish displays of wealth.
I would buy stupidly huge Soviet-era monuments, fly them into my back yard, and cover them in appropriately scaled gangster rap bling.
girlonthe_fly3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:22:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd take Amtrak's Nat'l Park loop. Quit my job and go to school to learn about whatever I wanted to. Then travel some more. Oh, and get a dog.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:22:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd stay in bed and ignore all my obligations. When I finally get up, I'd buy the first flight to a tropical island and then find an island for sale somewhere nearby and buy that. Then I'd buy a sailboat and never go back to America.
littlefilms ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:22:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing
amethystlocke ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:22:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll tell you what I'd do, man. 2 chicks at the same time.
adam-bomb-86 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:22:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire legal & financial advisors, body guards, & pilots. Purchase private jet and island with landing strip. Contract to have a massive complex built with everything I love to do: Go-cart track, laser-tag arena, driving range, restaurants/bars, and everything adrenaline junkies desire. Bring my closest family and friends with me to said island, and live happily ever after.
ChuckD149 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:22:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yell, "I'm riiich biiitch!" And spend as much as possible in as little time as possible both on personal items and to get myself off the grid and live like a kiiiing! Bring me your most beautiful wenches and your finest alcoholic beverages!!!
Silverspy01 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:22:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably figure out where it came from. Then get some lawyers because if I wake up super rich someone's going to want to sue me. Then get someone who knowsโ about the exonom to tell me what kind of impact I just had. Then get the most secure bank I can find. Then... Uh... Fund a bunch of research I guess.
billyray13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:22:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy back the presidency and return it to the people
bobbybobtron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
fuck up the economy
grapecure ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Keep playing Zelda
rak18 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would probably buy some smokes then go back to sleep.
jlaborde2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the major news broadcasting stations and fire everyone. Then just play episodes of Rick and Morty in place of all news channels.
I would also probably spend a lot of money to get season 3 put out. I love that fuckin show.
TheJoker1432 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would build a machine that can answer all my questions and ask it how i can stop being alone
Gooey_T23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep in
FiveAgst1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy you a fur coat (but not a real fur coat that's cruel)
drylube ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Team fortress 2 hats
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Save the whales! No, I'm not a contestant for Miss America
Seriously though... after spending a year fucking over my health I would buy all the prisons in America and set everyone free
jlaborde2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two girls at one time
pparker1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd take it straight to the bank!
ThisPlaceisHell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would do nothing.
DieselGames ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would lick all of it so it wouldn't get taken back.
qxxx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
at first: buy a house for me and my family... then travel the world and search for new ideas.. maybe start a family.. and also do something good for mankind. oh, and send a massive piece of shit to one of my coworkers for bullying me and other coworkers.
Leftieswillrule ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tell no one, lie to my friends that I got a bullshit job doing effectively nothing online and now I can afford to pay for everyone's dinner and rounds of shots, etc.
Lie to my family about the actual quantity, pay off the house and all other debts. Buy my dad a new truck, my mom tickets to Wimbledon, and my brother tickets for every sports game and concert he can feasibly attend.
For myself, I'll put a couple dozen billion in an account for my personal use in the future, college tuition for my kids, a house, a bunch of guitars, etc. whatever I could possibly use in the span of my lifetime.
And then the rest I'll use to start fighting injustice in the world.
SmallNoodle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
begin construction of my massive underground bunker.
mjaybe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pour money into the public education system. Pay teachers a living wage, hire mental health counselors, college counselors, career counselors, and more for high schoolers. I'd lower class sizes, add tutoring and after school programs, and rebuild curriculum. Family and financial planning classes would be requisite for all high school students.
For younger kids, I'd invest heavily in reading programs, hands on learning experiences, and disability services to catch reading/math/other problems as early as possible. Similar things would be offered to middle schoolers as high schoolers.
Then I would invest money in better public transit. I love taking the bus to work but there's some bad design elements in place. I'd also focus some on adult education and retraining. Resettlement from rural areas to cities would be offered and the land would be purchased and then turned into private parks for environmental research.
Ideally, my future is highly educated, environmentally friendly, and carless.
Pepperoni_Dogfart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy NASA. Fund every single bonkers project they have.
Also beat Musk to Mars just to wipe that smug look off his face.
Lanko ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I imagine I wake up and my room is filled with dufflebags full of cash.
I'm paranoid about who could have dropped them off in the middle of the night, and who might be coming back for them!
I'm not sure what to do with that amount of cash? do I leave it in my obviously unsecure bedroom? do I risk trying to move it alone?
Do I bring it to the bank? multiple banks?
How do you even deposit 1 trillion in cash without raising suspicion? Bank tellers of reddit? what is the protocol for depositing 1 trillion in cash?
SlashYouSlashYouSir ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"2 chicks at the same time"
ikilledtupac ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 chicks at the same time, man.
BullockHouse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Supplementing key nutrients and providing minimal vaccines for a child costs maybe a hundred dollars a year. Through year 16, that's ~$1600 per person.
There are 165 million chronically malnourished children in the world. For less than a third of that money, you could ensure that an entire generation of very poor children grows up much healthier than their parents. And, since childhood malnutrition leads to both physical and cognitive impairments, that's a whole generation that will be able to invest more physical and mental labor into improving their situations.
OldBeforeHisTime ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd die, crushed under my windfall. A trillion dollars fills a sizeable warehouse! http://www.pagetutor.com/trillion/index.html
Pyrokhar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:24:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
give it to SpaceX
OiQQu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:24:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call Elon Musk and ask how to best use this money to colonize the rest of the galaxy.
ASharkWhoWalks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:24:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spend it /all/ on vidja games
TurboDieselSloth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:24:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll tell you what I'd do, man. Two chicks at the same time, man...
iDirtyDianaX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:24:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job, go to sleep for a month
Caliburn0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:24:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fund SpaceX's Interplanetary transport system.
gummz13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:24:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put it all on black!
Knogood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:24:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Find out where it came from, never go there.
pakepake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:24:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To put at scale...if you spent 2.7 million a day, it'd take you a thousand YEARS to burn through it.
However, if you 'only' had a billion, and spent same 2.7 million a day, you'd burnt through in one year.
Courtbird ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:24:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Find the best PTSD therapy program in existence and put myself in it.
Put most of it in savings, use most of it to buy a two houses, one for my boyfriend and I, one for my mom and siblings. Get my sisters the intensive therapy that they need too. After therapy with advice from long term therapists, find good careers that they will enjoy. Then pursue my dream career.
Silverfishstix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:24:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fund NASA in general
ngc44312 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:24:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to college. Preferably ivy league.
I'm sorry, what? It's not enough money?
Fuck.
Awsmmllylm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:24:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Open a health insurance company and cover all Americans fully until it runs out.
petcson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:24:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job and start playing the guy i making my game with to make games with me full time in stead of after work. After that we'd slowly start highering people. First a PR guy to help us with our current game. Then eventually we'd got another programmer and a level designer 3d artist.
Before any of that is pay for a cruise for my wife and I.
thesunscreen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:24:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wonder if you could buy North Korea.
I wonder what the best country you could buy lock stock and barrel would be. I'll go as high as 750 billion, I need some left over for operating costs.
BarryMcCackiner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:24:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly I would set myself up real good with a few houses and a trust fund, just take one billion for myself. The rest of it I would just invest in Space-X's mars project.
geoffvo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:25:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drop 10 million in a bank account then start taking applications from people on how to spend the rest. Probably a lot of food/growing research.
WhiteChocolatey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:25:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would most definitely become Batman.
dogbots159 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:25:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Disappear, inviting those worthy of living in my new utopia free from the bullshit of large societies. It would truly be the happiest place on earth. If it's on earth...
Rickapotomus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:25:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First things first I wouldn't tell anyone and I certainly wouldn't tell amyone how much I had. I don't need shitty people climbing out of the wood work looking for "loans". First I would probably set some aside to invest. Not that I would ever need to work again anyways but the rich get richer so I would take advantage of that. I would then set up my life how I want it. House/condo in the city buy season tickets to stuff. Orchestrate a lie of a job that I have. Also buy a lot of drugs. Maybe buy the Chicago Bears so I can throw money at them and make them relevsnt again. Buy a new car. Well an old car. 69 442 that's the car I was brought home from the hospital in when I was born. Also buy every magic card I want. 5x playsets of goyf and snapcaster and black lotus and shit. I could start my own comic book shop and bankroll it all. I could spend a million dollars a day and not make a dent. I would buy all of applebees give everyone a 300k severence and then close every fucking Applebees. I would hire a full time nurse to live with my nana and I would pay a plastuc surgeon to make my dad less fat. Buy my mom and dad a new house. Buy a missle silo and turn it into a sweet pad to wait out the apocalypse. Buy another car and another hpuse. Buy a dog and make oy the happiest dog ever. And then everyday I would play video games and hang out with a dog. I would donate to charity like curing cancer cause my fiance had a cancer scare and it was the worst time of my life Fuck you cancer you stupid bitch. I would buy my parents a summer house. Also I would never buy like huge mansions just nice houses. Except the silo that would be a swank for the eventual death of the world. I would hire cleaning services to clean my homes those chores are for poor people. Also I would buy party house to throw stupid parties in and kick holes in the walls anf shit and just pay someone to fix em. I would eat at so many restaurants it woukd be great. If see Broadway shows and chance the rapper in one night and also smoke weed with killer mike. How much does it cost to fly to space? Me and my friends are gunna do that. Would I have enough to solve world hunger? Lets find out. I could keep going but my lunch breaks over.
israblof ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:25:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the kind of money that generates its own money. Put it in a bank account and live off the interest. Invest it in the stock market and make it spike up overnight. Sell the next day and make it plummet. You literally have the power to control the economy
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:25:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But this house I've had my eye on for a while. Set up trust for each of my kids. To get family to fuck off I'd set aside 250 mil and say here you go it's in a trust you get a monthly allowance. There are conditions. Such as go to jail for a felony other than weed. It's gone be good. You get no more if this runs out. Find campaigns to legalize weed. Get some really nice speakers. Buy 5 sweet rides. Private jet cause I can I guess. Buy all of the NFL and make them wear dresses. Open a casino. I like casinos. Fund some free private schools. Get a nice gaming rig. Oh and I really like this one guy on reddits paintings so I'd commission some from him. Then I'd get started. I'd buy a company and hire top people. I would give no real goal or tell them what they do but I'd pay well above the average. And some days I'd come in and be like what do we got how are we doing. I'm very curious what that company does. Oh and blow I'd do so much blow
Castro96 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:25:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to sleep again
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:25:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take a sick day and go get some fucking brunch.
Natoff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:25:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire Morgan Freeman to narrate my life
Joehto25 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:25:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Charity.
Im joking, blow it on coke and strippers
Mediocratic_Oath ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:25:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build a Railgun. Aim at Pluto. Launch several hundred billion at Pluto. Announce winner-take-all race for Pluto. Retire.
Tikkikun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:25:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Help Elon Musk to get back to his home planet
CallMeMrPeaches ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:26:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably the same thing I always do. Until maybe a week later, when I checked my bank account.
jeffpriester ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:26:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd go back to sleep
keplar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:26:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First off, $400 Billion is getting set aside for taxes. I donโt know where this money came from, and if Iโm being allowed to keep it, itโs all income. Obviously I will be working my butt off with accountants to try and minimize the tax load based on the enormous charitable donations and such that Iโm going to be doing, but from the get go Iโm going to assume 40% is untouchable. Whatever is saved from taxation will go in to the funds for long term investment and future donation.
I would finance a whole new, private, version of the Apollo Program, focused on launching modern probes to every planet and moon in the solar system, on constructing a colony on the Moon, and on achieving manned spaceflight to Mars. The total costs for the Apollo Program, adjusted for inflation, ended up being around $200 Billion. Weโve become more efficient since then, but this is a bit more ambitious, so Iโll leave the price at that.
I would invest $150 Billion (providing $7.5 Billion per year, per the same calculation as above) to create and endow a new research facility equivalent to CERN and the LHC. That would easily cover the construction costs in one year (CERN was about $4.75 Billion to build), and would pay of the annual operating costs (around $5.5 Billion per year).
I would donate $50 Billion (to provide $1 Billion per year) to the Smithsonian Institution, to cover their annual operating budget (currently requested budget is $922 Million), which is perpetually getting reduced and held up for political purposes in Congress.
About $50 Billion would be to purchase equipment directly given to fire departments around the country. There are approximately 58,150 fire stations in the US, and for this price, I should be able to give each one a fully equipped new pumper, and a fully equipped new ambulance for those stations that house one (pricing is variable, but around $600k for a pumper and a quarter million for an ambulance, is not unreasonable)
A fund of $50 Billion would be established to finance ongoing operations of various charitable and personal interests, which are too numerous to mention individually, and would be expenditures ranging from a few hundred thousand to a billion or two at a time. On the higher and non-charitable end, I would own or part-own one or more professional sports franchises. In the mid-range, I would support โcoloniesโ for talented individuals and specialists in various fieldsโฆ artistsโ colonies, scientistsโ colonies, historiansโ colonies, etc. On the less expensive side, there would be regular donations to animal shelters and wildlife rescues, food kitchens, theatres, and other good causes.
The remaining $100 Billion would be pure investments for income that could be used as I pleased. Among other things, I would buy an absolutely vast amount of land, would have a castle built, with the worldโs largest private library, and would hire a full time staff with excellent wages and benefits. I would have a vineyard, and probably would spend my days doing what I like to do nowโฆ puttering around building computers, gaming, and reading.
There are some things even a trillion dollars can't do (It couldn't pay off all the mortgage debt in America - more than $8 Trillion, and it couldn't give full rides to all American college students forever - currently we spend $400 Billion per year on tuition), but it is enough to achieve some of the greatest technological advancements in the history of mankind, and I'm happy to try and do that!
msmouse05 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:26:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd give $500 Billion to SpaceX, then invest $495 Billion in science scholarships and then just chill.
gregoryortiz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:26:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Blow it all on hookers, food, and obscene things daily.
Dinosaureater ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:26:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would drop out of college, take my girlfriend, travel around the world and volunteer.
somecow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:26:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay taxes before I spend it all. Pay off my student loans and what's left of my credit card debt. Get a passport and take a god damn vacation. Keep my job (because why not, can't just sit at home forever). Maybe buy a house. And go eat at a really nice restaurant, or hell, start my own.
Polengoldur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:26:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
pay off my entire families debt. realize that barely put a dent in it, in the grand scheme.
set up multiple accounts with approximately how much tuition at the most expensive college i can find would be (and hope the interest would cover inflation when they finally get used)
new house, 2 new cars (one with the best gas mileage i can find, 1 thats cool as all hell)
$2,000 PC. a monster. a thing that wont need upgrading for years.
uhh...
ryphix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:26:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give 90% of it to Elon Musk cause he has better ideas than me. I just wanna be invited to see the stuff he does.
Use the remaining 10% on myself for stuff, immediate family and set up ways for my future generations to make use of it for education and what-not.
clintmemo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:26:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start a PAC in the U.S. whose goal would be to change the U.S. constitution to eliminate lobbyists, PAC's and other such things.
Cassaroll168 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:26:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the U.S. government. Every last senator, house member, governor, even the president. Then I would force them to enact a constitutional amendment to get money out of politics, so no one else can do it. But not before they legalize all drugs.
die_bartman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:26:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing. Absolutely nothing
InsertNameHere77 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:26:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my mom's house, then mine and my sister's college
Trunksshe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:26:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Higher a lawyer, then eventually a broker so that nothing is in cash, just investments
I would then put a large chunk into National Parks budgets, and reseeding Rainforests. Aids and Cancer research, specifically on that of Mammary, Prostate and Pancreas. Pay off my debt, finish college, get a doctorate in whatever the hell I want so people have to call me "Doctor", buy a 1992 Jeep Wrangler, a Neo Geo game system, propose to my girlfriend with the most expensive black opal ring ever, buy a house in every state and some parts of Canada and Australia.
Open a film/TV production company so that I can make my dreams a reality. Maybe open a first year tuition free university and be qualified to teach. And definitely try every drug for the hell of it.
Get a Corgi and name him Captain Sir Issac Dracula Wellington Sr. And his girlfriend, Lutenent Miss Daisy Chrisanthim. Dracula and Daisy for short. (Technically, this is already going to happen without the Trillion, but I would make sure of this.)
With my remaining $700 billion+, I'll figure out something. Maybe wipe the debt of 15 random people a week or so. Or become a super hero.
Shelofsk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:26:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shit, only $47,000 after taxes. Guess I'd save it, spend a little on groceries and buy and milkshake.
redditbattles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:26:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If it's actually mine, and it's not going to taken away as so cruel joke when i go to buy things. The first thing I'd do is explain to the damn bank that I'm still the only one in control of my account, then I'd send my parents enough money for them to never have to work again, as well as a few other family members. Then I'd pay off all of my student debt.
I think then I'd get ready go out to town and buy a big box of cigars, then get my friends together and get hammered.
Whatever is left the next day I'd buy myself a nice house or 3, aswell as some nice cars, as well as all the gadgets i ever wanted. and invest the rest.
VeryDefinitionOfFail ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:26:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep because I wouldnt have to work or go to school.
lastlivezz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:26:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I must have been desperate to sleep with that much money.
jrhoffa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not worry, be happy.
free-willzyx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed, I'd just go back to bed and sleep for a few days.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go in casino put 500 million $ od 0, and when I lose I would say, never mind, it's only money
MrRabbitPants ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably pay back my parents for all the luxuries I got and took for granted. Pay back my dad for my university fees. Buy a pick up truck and house to be comfortable in. Take half of the money and invest it or something like that? And then enrol for all the degrees i want! (I'm a sucker for knowledge)
Then when I have time, I'd go around and help people out with their money problems. Whatever problems they might have.
cult_of_image ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to Mars and set up the first colony.
Also get that giant space magnet for the magnetosphere going to shield the Martian atmosphere
joeh4384 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Am I getting this in cash? I don't know if a trillion dollars in cash would fit in my house.
Jaygoon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
run for president. he didn't win a shit ton of money over night, but by damned cheeto hitler is now the leader of the free world.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest about 900 billion in a cure for chronic idiopathic urticaria and angioedema.
Live ain't worth living even with 100 billion dollars if your average day is spent itching, sweating and having trouble even walking when your feet are swollen.
MeggidoX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Set aside a billion for myself and friends and give the rest away. However I would make it my job to find these people and give to them in unique ways. Like sit at a diner and listen to the waitstaff vent to each other only to get off of their shift at 1am and find a duffle bag of money in their back seat. I would love to do this.
lovejo1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to congress and bribe them to do true tax and medical reform. I'd pay half if they'd agree to implement the "Fair Tax" system.
Ctheo3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy the Bruins for ~2-5 Billion because that's about what it would take to get Jeremy Jacobs out of there. And then fire Cam Neely, replacing him with Bill Belichick who will be paid roughly 50 million per year. I'd also consider buying the Canadiens and moving them to Quebec City or Seattle just for shits. With the rest, I'd do the usual. Travel the world, set aside a lot for education and livelihood of my family. Start with philanthropy. Maybe buy a house in all the popular cities. Learn to fly, get some jets and helicopters.
Revircs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest in solar
Make more money
Profit
woody2436 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:28:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Turn off my alarm and go back to sleep...
SheZowRaisedByWolves ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:28:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay to play life like it actually is.
BiancaaDE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:28:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a house with nice furniture, give some to my parents and then go around to animal shelters and donate
PMmeGenius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:28:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the redskins and send Dan Snyder adrift on a sheet of ice in the north Atlantic.
arctic_arcanum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:28:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate $20 billion to space exploration/research (also, so I can go to space please), $10 billion to further climate change research / awareness, start up a fund for interesting research projects that people need funding for, say up to $100 billion over 5 years, then re-evaluate.
Build a huge house/garage/workshop in the middle of nowhere with tons of land so I can do whatever I want, a nice collection of cars - oh and I'd get a private racetrack. Definitely get a jet, nothing too huge. And learn to fly it. And helicopters. And a submarine.
ElGrandeCaulk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:28:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Check recent inflation just to make sure that my 1 trillion USD is not currently highly undervalued, i.e. my 1 trillion is valued at $100 currently.
bw1870 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:28:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably spend most of it in land conservation efforts. Maybe keep $20 million for myself and some friends/family.
Yoonmin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:28:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate to charity
andtheZero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:28:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Immediately tell my 2 or 3 closest friends. And give them a few mil because why not. Put in my two weeks at work and pretend like I didn't just become a billionaire.
Kalepsis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:28:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing. I will do nothing, and it'll be everything I thought it could be.
qbslug ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:28:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
seriously. donate 999 billion into medical research for curing diseases. chill with 1 billion.
grunman126 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:28:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire an army of mercenaries and take over Somalia becoming president for life.
youngwikid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:28:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Better mt community.
pm_nudes_thanks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:28:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Absolutely nothing for about two weeks and then I'd make it rain on some hoes
KraziKev ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:29:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed, I don't have to get up for work now.
Hereforthehotwife ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:29:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tell Nasa to go crazy on my dime
r4m ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:29:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not tell anyone.
dirtmerchant1980 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:29:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd google search "legalized marijuana + google fiber" and wherever both of those are found I'd move to and do the same thing I did yesterday. If more than one such place exists I'd go for whichever place is colder.
im_yo_huckleberry ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:29:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire team of Jewish lawyers and accountants.
Buy production equipment and start making albums and movies that are probably horrible.
StonerBoner2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:29:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd go back to sleep.......fuck turning wrenches.
silverdude77 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:29:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Help the world in the removal of pain and sadness
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:29:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Purchase all the sports franchises I like
mrtoast79 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:29:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would be posting on r/personalfinance
-HeyBub- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was just thinking about this. I would find a one room apartment, cover the floors and walls in soft colorful fabric like an Afghan blanket or something, order the same meals everyday and never work for anyone except myself.
LazarusLong1981 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
id create free ad-free internet for the world
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would pay off my debt and hire someone to finish my home projects (which I can't afford to do currently). I would pay off my friends' and boyfriend's debts (I actually have some wealthy friends so.....we'll see.) I'd give each of my (5) friends the same amount. I'd give my boyfriend more. I'd quit my job and take years? off to travel. Back at home after vacation, I'd sell my house and buy something small (under 900 sqft because my current 1400 is too much for one person and her dog) with 20+ acres somewhere warmer than Michigan (and hire someone to take care of it, depending on the type of land). Then I'd focus on my hobbies, go back to college for fun (take classes in interesting things, not just career-minded). I would keep enough of the money so that I could live frugally but comfortably and also as a safety net for emergencies, medical bills, etc.
And I would donate a SHIT-TON of that money. I would probably set up college funds for underprivileged kids in my city, donate to local non-faith-based community organizations, etc. I would also donate to international non-faith-based organizations that do things like provide clean water, birth control, strive for womens' empowerment, work with animals/environmental issues, etc.
To me, being รผberwealthy and giving it away sounds like absolute FUN to me. Sure, setting up the organizations and red tape would be work, but I could hire people. I dunno, it just sounds like a win win. Seeing myself make an actual impact on others' lives would make me really happy, I think.
sage142 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I will place 75% of it in U.S Treasury bonds resulting in a comfy $2,025,000,000 in interest a year(this is before it is taxed). Then I would buy a ticket to a year long round the world cruise under an alias. With the cost of the cruise I would also give myself a 10 million dollar budget for the year. Then the rest of my cash I would invest with Space X. After my cruise is over and I collect my first year of interest I would then buy a ranch and hire a highly trained security detail. For the rest of my days, I would dedicate my time to helping Elon Musk get us to Mars Bitches!
AerinHawk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my husband's student loan debt. Pay off my credit card debt. Pay off my Mother's debt. Pay off my Mother's house. Purchase a home in cash. Decorate said home. Buy new cars for myself and my husband. Travel more. Establish a trust fund for future children. Donate and fund women's health centers. Sponsor a few scholarships. Invest the rest and live off of the dividends.
Buttercupslosinit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Keep a billion to spend and share among family. Create an endowment for the rest with the first recipient being PBS and eliminating pledge drives forever, or at least the remainder of my life.
Ithurtsprecious ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Find and pay for the best doctors in the world.
FridayNiteGoatParade ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OP's mom
ofcd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire a lawyer to do the following things: Donate most of it anonymously to various causes that deal with civil rights, education, and environmental concerns. Quietly pay off both of my parent's houses, set aside some money for my little sister and a few of my friends for college, set up a scholarship, give out grants for research, and then lock the little remaining up tight.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How much would it cost to give free college education across the US? Cause I'd like to do that.
vacantvivacity ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably throw up from shock
tyled ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Setup a couple of people I know so they would be set for life. Lounge around with the rest. Who needs to work? I would probably workout in my newly acquired spare time so I could at least appear to be a somewhat attractive trillionaire. Pretty much just travel, eat at good places, and kick it with the famous people.
prosnorkulus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a fuck ton of MREs.
oldterribleman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Pwned! Post the next question for a deeper psych analysis of redditors" - CIA
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Obviously buy 1 trillion more dollars.
friend1949 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No one has a trillion dollars. No one has a billion dollars. Some people have ownership of property worth billions of dollars.
The chief question is: Is this public knowledge? If no, relax. If yes, hire a lot of security immediately.
Your governments will start taking a large share. Just sign it over to them. That takes care of about half.
You now own about half a trillion dollars. There is about 6 trillion in the actual money supply. The NYSE has about 15 trillion in supposed value.
[There are 60 major stock exchanges in the world with a total value of 69 trillion dollars.](www.visualcapitalist.com/all-of-the-worlds-stock-exchanges-by-size/) So converting this cash value over time into actual wealth, owning equity in companies in the world, can happen over time. How much time would probably be decided by a committee. It would cause a boost in stock prices for a while. Then things would settle down. After all , you only have 500 billion to inject into a 69 trillion dollar market.
Your next question is what to do with it. Bill Gates has some good ideas and would probably welcome help. Or you could decide we will have a colony somewhere off Earth. There are schemes for continuous solar power using satellites and microwave transmission. You might be able to offer to help change the increase in carbon dioxide driving climate change but you could not pay for it yourself.
garybuseysexdoll ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:31:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 chicks at the same time
eonsky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:31:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would give everyone on reddit a million dollar
Cloud_Fondler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:31:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep knowing i have 1 trillion dollars
mynameisglue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:31:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy all of the Trump branded assets and turn the buildings into housing for the homeless and the golf courses into animal sanctuaries.
Braelind ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:31:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So many things... Firstly talk to my banker buddy about investing and shit.
- Two chicks at the same time, man.
- Buy a sweet house.
- Like...Billions to charity and foreign Aid.
- Buy a large property to build a badass Zeppelin Hangar
- Hire people to build me a huge badass Zeppelin.
- Travel the world in the truest Luxury vehicle.
- I suppose I'd need some sort of lift card attached to the thing, so I can go from ship to ground.... and a full time pilot and a couple crew. Whatevs, I can afford it.
hallese ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:31:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Three chicks at the same time.
arthur2-shedsjackson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:31:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
call off work and go back to bed.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:31:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a Switch, the new Legend of Zelda, pay off all my student debt and the tuition for the next 3 years, and put the rest in an account. Also buy my own TV for my room.
I would live comfortably once I am done with College and move out on my own. No huge mansion, just a nice sized house. Maybe a nice car, a few things of my own, and live life simple for the most part. No need to go crazy and spend a ton of money on all kinds of things. Start doing that and I think you will start losing track of what is important.
thelovethief ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:31:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fear the impending hyperinflation brought about by $1 trillion being added to the market.
Trev_Holland ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:31:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep.
wondermel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:31:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Assuming it was not a mistake, I'd quit my job... duh. Help my family out a bunch, invest a whole lot, find some charities or possibly start one, buy my first home and get a new car, nothing too fancy, just not the 2 second hand ones we have (one of which is broken down at the moment).
Then, I would travel the world starting with visiting the in-laws in the UK.
EMSEMS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:31:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Be paranoid of snails.
bloodandrankemu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:31:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give it all to education resources around the world. My generation may be screwed but think of where we could be in just 100 years if education had unlimited funding. People want to be remembered for doing something big, this is something big.
-Jason-B- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:31:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Save most of it somewhere. At 13, there's only so much you can do.
For now though, probably help the family out with any bills and such.
And get a beast PC.
Patrick750 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:32:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Burn it down to 50 or so billion so I don't crash the economy by inflating it. Then..you know...fast cars I guess
Shrodonis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:32:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd pay to bring back Harambe! Harambe be lit boys and girls. He was the one true friend I ever had. I have written multiple poems and performed many rituals promoting his existence.
rythmicbread ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:32:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Ben and Jerrys from Unilever and put back the soul they stole from it
threedeenyc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:32:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go right back to sleep. A nice deep sleep with the comfort of knowing I have no financial concerns. No job concerns. No mortgage payment concerns. Zzzzzzzz
daveosociologist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:32:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Retire.
Kollieman311 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:32:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tomorrow ftfy
philthegr81 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:32:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Feed and house everyone, probably.
str8upand2theside ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:32:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A dude in Alberta woke up to over 500 million in his bank account. He reported the error because it would have not only crippled the bank, but the entire provice and or country.. I just want to wake up to triple digits in my account.
moshi24 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:32:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
fap
why_jen_why ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:32:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a lawnchair and a shotgun. Real fancy ones, though.
mc_squared_03 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:33:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would sit in my room for the entire day, giggling like a maniac.
artlessvandal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:33:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think I'd start handing out $100,000.00 to anyone with a great idea to change the world for the better. Then, I'd monitor their progress. When I see them working towards and achievable goal, I'd fund it fully to ensure it happens.
I'd also invent a way to make all my favourite unhealthy foods completely healthy and taste the exact same. With that amount of money, I can make it happen.
After that. I'd just do whatever the hell i wanted.
goran_788 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:33:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This will get lost for sure, but there's a 2001 novel called "1 Trillion Dollars" by German author Andreas Eschbach.
It's exactly your premise. A guy randomly inherits a trillion dollars.
I don't know anything about world economics and stuff, so to me it seemed very well written and I learned a bit about how all that works and intertwines. Kind of. I read it a few years ago, don't remember it exactly.
deadmanpj ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:33:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Move all my family and friends family to a private island and never come back. So sick of the world these days.
FrigoCoder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:33:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
hey its me ur brother
rilivas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:33:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
become the first lunar colonist.
Snazzymf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:33:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck up the world economy with my baseless money, grossly devalue the dollar and kickstart a deflationary spiral.
billyboblee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:33:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give everyone in the UK fifteen thousand. Should be good to see what happens... Plus a few quid for myself
EpicToastable ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:33:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy all of the Kardashians. Put them on a desert island. Make a reality show out of it. ??? Profit.
throwmeasnek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:33:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay for winrar Pay for porn Give Reddit gold to everyone who responds to my comments
BenCrobbery ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:34:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Great idea
Mac33 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:33:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably call up my bank to let them know there's been an error.
gotchasqr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:33:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build my own real life Imperial Star Destroyer. And go colonize some other planet.
Oatworm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:33:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my student loans, then buy a cup of coffee with the rest.
Rob1150 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:36:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Starbucks or McDonalds?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:33:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Finish my girlfriend's pc for her so we can play games together sooner.
OverlordQuasar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:33:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First, hire a lawyer. Then, buy myself some politicians and work on fixing the issues in the US political system by working through the system to fix it, like repealing citizens united. Then, use a hundred billion or so to boost the solar and wind industries. Then donate another hundred billion to fixing major issues, similar to what Bill Gates does. I'd also invest 100 billion so that I would have a constant supply of enough cash to continue to enact change. Then use what remains to fund a mars program.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:34:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my student loans. Buy my my mom a house. Buy an O and take my best mates out for a over priced dinner.
Rob1150 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:35:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
??
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:36:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
An Ounce of weed.
onehuman257 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:34:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make sure it wasn't a mistake first! Then, well, it would be Christmas for a few of our close friends, my mom & hubby's mom, and our kids! Every person who helped us out throughout our lives, would benefit! Of course I would spend on some frivolities, like a new wardrobe and shoes, lol. I would also overstock our pantry, so we would never be low on food again! I would start a green energy company, that builds wind turbines and solar panels. I would build my home from all green materials, I would invest in green cars, I would make it count.
Iridium777 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:34:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy every seat in the U.S. house.
PedroVey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:34:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First, tell my mom I got 1 trillion dollars. Try to make a reasonable of how we'll spend the money. And then go to school because I love my friends and like my school so I would probably not move states of whatever for the next two years.
I would buy a new laptop, a new headphone and buy whatever I need and feel like buying. I would begin planning a trip oversears in July and try the max to keep by dad on his job, because if he thinks like "I'm rich, no work" I will kill him. We can't afford to be rich one second and spent it all.
I would just live my life with more luxuries, and also, buy a gigantic safe and think of very hard lock combination, I don't wanna be robbed.
callaghanrs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:34:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Check the news and see if a trillion dollars just went missing.
allofit3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:34:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off everyones mortgage in the country. Everyone that makes less than $80k a year that is.
Valiant_Panda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:34:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm still in college but I'd start paying off loans.
Give my dad and his family a good portion as they are struggling with money while trying to raise 4 kids ,one with mental handicaps .
Get my grandma the surgery she needs to better move around and see.
Travel to Japan, France, Australia and the UK.
Move into my own place either in Portland or Seattle areas and be close to my friends.
Buy a car so I can visit friends and family easier.
Put aside some for retirement and then start donating to different organizations. Mainly environmental and those that help under privileged people.
Kroganlover ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:34:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe buy out the company, Cox, then make connecting to the Internet super cheap or free for the whole country.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:34:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Verify with the bank/authorities the money is legally mine.
yeahhtrue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:34:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
familiakij ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:34:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed, instead of getup for work for once
-Monsterberg- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:34:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed and sleep for the next three days without any regard for my job or school or human beings.
DeathSpot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:35:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy beer. How much beer, you ask? All of it.
Then I'd start renaming beers, and getting rid of the crap. So there'd be beers called DeathSpot's Favorite Stout (that one might have to stay Guinness) and DeathSpot's Lager For Football Games In The Fall, and DeathSpot's Summer Picnic IPA, and stuff like that.
Grizzly_Berry ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:35:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not tell anyone and quietly invest almost all of it in safe, but low interest stock options. I could easily live off of "low interest" of a few hundred billion. The remainder I'd probably buy a new house somewhere safe but still nice with a decent amount land.
Oh and I'd throw a pizza party. Nothing fancy. Just some pizzas, breadsticks, pop and beer with my friends. Wouldn't tell them why, of course.
Probably quit my job at the movie theater... And then buy it.
FredTheBarber ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:35:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy apartments/houses in some of my favorite cities, buy 100+ Acres of land and start an energy efficient homestead, build a tidy neighborhood of small houses for my close friends to live in.
Give everyone in my family enough to live comfortably but not enough to get stupid with, set up accounts for my nieces and nephews that they can't access until they're beyond being stupid teenagers/young adults. Pay off all of my friend's debts + a few hundred thousand to get started.
Fund Planned Parenthood, PBS, NPR, National Parks, some other conservation groups, donate most of the rest to alleviate world issues (water security, refugee situations, environmental protections). Probably do some research about how best to swing the political clout that comes with wealth....
Keep a few million for personal use. Travel, pursue my hobbies, maybe move to a foreign country for a few years.
cephias ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:35:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off the house, buy the family annual passes to Disney, put money in the bank and off shore accounts. I could do nice things for people quietly. Most importantly, I'd tell no one.
Mr-Filthyy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:35:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to Thailand and pimp some little Thai girls out of my Mega-Mansion.
batmaneatsgravy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:35:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Relax a bit.
Sherman2396 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:35:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The amount of good you could do with that money. I'd start up a nfp building homes for the homeless in my country and donate a few billion to charities like UNICEF, WWF, and Doctors Without Borders. Pay off the remaining mortgages for my parents and buy them the car they've been saving for years to get. Then I'd buy myself a nice house and a triumph thruxton R.
StDeadpool ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:35:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep.
TheLobito ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:36:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy 1 trillion lottery tickets.
DrewbieWanKenobie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:36:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I give 500 Billion to Bill Gates to dole out as he pleases to whatever causes he wants and then give 499 billion to Elon Musk to make cool shit and then I go be a billionaire
Bristol509 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:36:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get a lawyer/financial advisor. Then I'd aim to hire someone to figure out the healthcare system in the U.S. If that means my money subsidizes insurance / medical professionals to bridge the gap to the new system, then so be it. Hopefully $1 Trillion would be enough ...
scemcee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:36:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Save 10 million to live off of, and donate the rest to Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, probably.
dildoscwagginz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:36:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy a new house, get an Aston Martin DB5, get a French bulldog, buy like 10 other houses and become a landlord and last but not least I'd spend the rest of my days as a mechanic, working on cars
suzerain17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:36:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Be a philanthropic sunovabitch; start after school programs for kids to teach positive skills. Build decent low income housing. Start or buy a bunch of small businesses to make and bring jobs to the area.
Give my parents a couple million with the stipulation that at least a quarter of it goes for my dad's garage. Same with the in-laws. Build my dreamhouse; a berm house made of a bunch of shipping containers welded together.
Fund campaigns for candidates who would never otherwise have a chance.
thenixnerd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:36:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd tell my friends to buy shares in certain companies and start pushing stocks.
cityvengeance ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:36:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As long as it wasn't illegally obtained, I would pay off all my student loans, buy a house, set a couple million aside for my kid in an investment account, buy me and Husband new cars. I'd invest in retirement funds and accounts for us as well (even if we divorced in the future I'd still want him taken care of). I would also probably buy other property in addition to that.
I would pay my best friends loans off too and buy them new cars and give them money to live somewhere they actually want to live.
Frivolous stuff? I want one of those swanky HGTV-style gardens where I can grow my plants and it has a saltwater pool. And a really nice hammock. I'd also want to travel back home to the Midwest and take a summer vacation there and visit my extended family and friends.
Basically, it would literally improve my life and the lives of those around me if I woke up with that much money.
NTRedmage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:36:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Side alternative:Build metal gear REX. Nothing says power like an undetectable nuclear railgun...
iateyourcake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:36:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Masterbate and go back to bed.
CourageousRoman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:36:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep
Lightnindog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:36:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy dream houses upon mountain tops in every major city in the world complete with batcave. Marry Dillon Harper, Stephanie Corneliussen, and Ronnie Fornstedt. Invest in technology to harvest mineral resources from nearby asteroids meanwhile being on a continuous mushroom trip buying anything and everything I could ever want.
Vyhskt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:37:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a passionate hatred for advertising. It is seemingly impossible to escape. One of my fantasies for having a nearly endless supply of money, or in this case, one trillion dollars, is to buy every single advertising space in my city available, and replace it with a dead pan picture of my face, with no text. Every single billboard, local magazine ad, TV commercials, I would outbid all competitors and pay whatever it took to own all the ad space. I don't know what kind of social effects this would have, but at least all the ads would be gone.
callmetmrw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:37:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy an ice selling company, put the rest of the money into an offshore account. Write off loses for the "accidents" your drivers had while en route to a ice delivery in Texas or any other hot state.
Baitdoll ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:37:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate all of it to NASA and space travel and study under the agreement that me and my girlfriend get gold star security clearance and can check out all the space stuff and get a free joyride to space and back redeemable one time in the next 5 years.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:37:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd hire a private tutor and professional editors to make sure I never misspell common words.
Gargantuls ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:37:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably keep doing what I'm doing anyway and not tell anyone for awhile. Once I have a bit more income I'd start donating to (or start my own) charities and research for things that would immediately and/or within the foreseeable future benefit humanity. Having a moment's reprieve can make a world of difference to someone and the world needs answers to questions we haven't thought to ask yet.
mortenlu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:37:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give a call to the Gates Foundation about pledging 99%.
Stagman007 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:37:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would do absolutely nothing out of the ordinary in my personal life the first year or so other than put in a 2 months notice with a quant but unassuming reason for leaving.
Secretly i would start creating an underground fortress/super science laboratory to create cures, genetic enhancements, future breakthroughs. I would set up secret retirement accounts/trust funds for everyone important to me. I would begin recruiting top scientists in their fields and begin researching gene editing that would create fixes to eliminate common genetic illnesses and even some to create incredibly hardy and radiation resistant humans for space travel. I'd also have a pretty sweet rec center in the lair and send postcards to friends and family from places so they think I am traveling.
Crimson_Serenity ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:37:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off debt, buy a house and yard for my children. A babysitter -- no, a Montessori daycare for them to go to -- and surgery for myself for a number of health issues. Buy a family car, SUV or minivan. Tons of healthy food stocked and a personal trainer and psychologist for myself. Two college funds for the kids. A nice savings account for all of us. Much needed dental care for myself. Yep, that's what I'd do. I would consider taking a vacation since I haven't had one in years.
bigsie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:37:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably waffle over the question of telling anyone about it. I mean, I guess I'd probably tell my wife, but maybe beyond that I'd just quietly set up trusts for everyone else in our collective families so they wouldn't have to worry about money anymore.
If I decided not to tell anyone, I'd probably go out and get some hookers and blow. Yah, def hookers and blow. Then tell wife.
noturusual ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:37:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Replace my 1992 Camry, buy a house and property
Level10Knight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:37:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Id wonder why it wasnt in GBP Sterling. And then probably buy a newspaper and a cup of tea.
NamesThatEndTooSoon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:37:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably save 10k for a new bike and give the rest to the NHS, trust me its more of a selfish act than it seems
Kopextacy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:37:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Keep 10 billion for living a life that I could not even imagine and put the rest into issues in the community that I felt needed more attention. Then when I die I'd put the remaining money into whatever issue I value most rather than giving it to family members and friends. Money is a tool and should go into more important things than ones ego.
peterpiper77 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:37:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am sitting in a hostel in Madrid right now. I would probably go on the walking tour tomorrow and just not bother with that return flight to the USA on Monday.
SeddonGrakk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:37:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time
skyrenxrene ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:37:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest, and then live off of the dividends.
Become a philanthropist and finally feed the poor; hire a malitia on full pay roll to guard my trucks of food entering West Africa and the advancement of their infrastructure (at least $100 billion.)
Find my ten worst enemies and end their suffering...by lifting the burden of their debts and to show them that we can live in peace.
It's too much money IMO since I couldn't even think of all the things I'd buy or do since I'd imagine I'd be more capable then most of the world's elites at that point since it's all money.
I would probably need to break it up into multiple accounts so as to not lose my money due to banking errors, and eventually await the IRS coming to kill me for not declaring it.
CardboardSoyuz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:37:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There are lots of nice things I'd do, but the one seriously asshole thing I would do is as follows:
I'd probably give -- for starters -- $1MM to each of several hundred organizations I admire: food banks, universities, anti-civil forfeiture groups, health care things, etc.; and I would write them all a letter saying, "you are awesome, here is $1MM!!"
But there are some organizations I don't like -- I needn't mention them -- and those guys would also get a letter saying, "you are awesome, here is $1MM!!" -- but I would enclosure a check for $1,000. Then when they call to say, "hey you shorted me $999K!" I'd make a Nelson Muntz "HA-HA!" yell and hang up. Hell, I'd hire Nancy Cartwright to do it for me.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off all debt immediately. Hire a financial adviser. Live modestly. Never worry again.
waruluis91 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a Camera and New car tbh. And a Nice loft
soccer_trekkie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would (research to see if I can afford it first) cover all the pharmaceutical, dental, eye care, physiotherapy, etc. costs for all the people in my country (Canada). Then I would set up a meeting with all of the premiers of all of the Canadian provinces and territories and tell them that I'm doing this on a sliding scale. It's 100% covered for x years, then I'm only covering 90% for the next y years, then 80% for another y years and continuing to decrease it down to nothing. My hope is that this would give them time enough to find the money to continue it. It would really really be free healthcare for everyone. It doesn't have to be pretty (I personally see nothing wrong with dental cleanings done by students and having to share a hospital room with another person) but it would mean that people could afford the medications they need without the additional stress associated with the cost. I would make it available to all citizens and permanent residents on the condition that they are or get fully vaccinated. And the condition for the government would be that they ban all not scientifically proven therapies such as chiropractic, homeopathic, etc. care.
And as you can see the power would likely start to go to my head and I would enforce other practical rules that I feel are a good idea...such as a test proving you are mentally and financially capable of having a child before you would be allowed to do so.
kinrosai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Going to be buried obviously, but my plan is to take about one billion for my humble needs and invest the rest into projects benefiting society.
Jupiterswrath ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hmm.. I've heard politicians are cheap.. maybe I could buy Congress with 1 trillion and steer those idiots toward my own ends.
Yipsilantii ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my jobs and go back to school.
Prolancaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep
xXx_EdGyNaMe_xXx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If it is not an error, in physical cash, and not gained through some sort of illegal means, well shit, I'd buy anything I fucking want.
jase213 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep because i don't need to work anymore
Mannoshevitz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Roll over and go back to bed
MIERDAPORQUE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably fall into a hole. I have shit luck usually
ReeceChambersIV ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a shit ton of COD points
WolfishEU ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sit on my arse for the rest of my life and play vidja games, probably stream it but I wouldn't put much effort into that either, most likely. Get takeout every day.
Give some smart fuckers half my money and live off the profit/interest. Give the other half minus a few dozen million to charity.
exitmud ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to work like nothings happened. Get stuff done over the weekend.
C-c-carrotcake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:39:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Absolutely nothing...
chrisppy01 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:39:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd close the distance with my significant other -- and probably buy a ton of synthesisers.
ATCNastyNate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:39:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 chicks at the same time.
gerblugen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:39:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is more than double the total GDP of North Korea since 1970. Hard to fathom how much money that is. If I carried around stacks of $10,000 and gave 100 stacks away every day for 50 years, it wouldn't make a significant dent in my cash flow. I would definitely have to buy an island and staff it with 10,000 of my closest friends. Maybe I would restore Tikal to its formal glory and move there.
zultdush ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:39:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give most of it to Elon Musk and say: "Go get em, tiger."
Arszilla ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:39:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest in BTC even more.
JcobTheKid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:39:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get a friend who knows how to spend money well.
Party with him.
Put my parents and close family into retirement.
Host and play in a ssbm locale tournament every week til I die.
Rest of money goes to fucking various terminal diseases as well as promoting safe driving. Cancer and drunk driving are some things I want to turn into history.
Flugalgring ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:39:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd kill every last one of you and desecrate your corpses...
... OK, maybe I'm just having a bad week.
Thysguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:39:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be completely honest, and operating under the assumption that the money has been obtained legally and that its also been taken care of tax wise, I'd pay off what's left of my student loans, (my college closed before I could finish my degree) and buy a nice house. No mansion, that's too large, but a nice one, maybe in the Midwest but outside tornado alley, and maybe buy a nice(er) car, possibly splurge here and get a Tessa or something. I'd pay off whatever debt my IMMEDIATE family has, no wife or kids so that's just my mother and father and my siblings. I have the money to burn so why not. Then I'd take my best friends to Disney world for a week, then to universal. Put us up in a nice hotel too. If they're up for it, we'd go to Japan, see all the sights and buy some really weaboo stuff.
Then, when we get done trotting all over the place, I'd buy a very nice gaming and streaming set up. I may have all the money in the world, but I'll need a hobby. Having no real need for a partnership with any streaming site, I'd be pretty laid back and chill with it. Life wouldn't really change much. Stream a lot so as not to be bored, do TONS of giveaways and donate to those charity cons like the Games done Quicks, RT Extra life and so forth. And just live comfortably. Set up some college funds for my nephews, I have 3, and maybe find a nice lady and have some kids of our own. Try not to let it go to my head.
TL/DR: Pay off loans, buy a house and car, see the sights and become a streamer.๐๐ผ
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wake up again, because that shit ain't gonna happen.
ThrowAwayAndInside ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
turn my alarm off and go back to sleep
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not tell anyone that payroll obviously screwed up big time. Transfer the money to several offshore accounts. Cash as much of it as I can. Leave for a country with very tight extradition laws. Relocate my family to be with me. Make sure my extended family is left very well-off. Use billions to invest in humanitarian projects, medical research, sustainable energy and all that warm-hearted, feel-good crap.
SeaTwertle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Panic probably, that I did something horribly wrong or was about to get arrested and questioned forever.
IDBTYT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:41:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No consequence possible, just you and a trillion moneys
aviaisaverage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would use it to some how stop the illegal Japanese whaling industry, shark finning, and Japanese dolphin culls. And then somehow figure out how to shut down Sea world and the like to stop capturing oracs.
I just like my sea friends.
Shakazulu94 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
pay off 1/7 of US's national debt
OMGpancakeable ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Charge my phone credit
STE1NER ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep in.
doorstopwood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Immediately consult a lawyer and then figure out how to get some money to the charity of my choice. Also, buy some soap.
chimeraborg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would sleep in
ilovevoat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
well that's too much money for just me. I would pay off student loan debt for everyone who as graduated. Buy a house and wait for my statue to be built.
thegreenpizza ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy everyone in America solar panels and pay someone on the secret service a billion dollars to clean up Washington.
bitchin_belle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get my mom out of my house STAT!
nikwashere1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
move out in the middle of nowhere and live where i dont have to look at anymore political shit.
ThickDickVein ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
buy me and my gf new cars. not anything fancy. just shit with seat belts n door handles. buy us a nice house. not a mansion. pay off my parents' mortgage. and eat a really good hamburger.
DeaditeQueen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy homes for all of my family.
Put a billion in a trust fund for my daughter (she has special needs)
Put a billion in a fund for myself that I can't touch until retirement age.
Spend a year or two vacay'ing around the world.
Donate $500mil to St. Jude's and another $500mil to Doctors Without Borders.
After that I'd wing it.
RobotSnake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get small amounts of it exchanged into GBP.
knovvv ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time.
IlikeJG ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire 3 independent lawyers and 3 independent financial advisors so that they can all watch each other and take care of the legalities of my money.
grievous501 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off all of my grandmother's medical bills, buy a reasonably priced new suv, buy and build a gaming pc, get the best level cintiq for my artwork, get amazing internet, put the rest in my bank and keep working my shitty retail job and tell no one I won except my grandmother.
550_Cord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a used honda accord and invest the rest in AMD stock.
sux4u ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:41:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would Invest 95% of it, pay off all of my and m girlfriends family's debt, switch schools to be with my girlfriend and build us the most bomb ass house ever, then just spoil the hell out of her and her family, live whatever life I want, become an architect and build whatever buildings I want, don't even have to make a profit.
JeepingNet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:41:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Trump Tower and turn it into a immigration welcome station
SuperMcG ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:41:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy solar panels, home batteries, and electric vehicles for everyone who wants them to destabilize the fossill fuel power sources. When I am down to my last $5M, buy a few apartments and live off the rent.
PatchDayBlues ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:41:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy myself an election back to sanity
damushr00mhead ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:41:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd be able to buy one Hamilton ticket.
Davehasanswers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:41:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Id imprison every politician that has ever denied claims of environmental harm and start a more responsible group of people that actually do things for good and not money, and then spend the rest on cocain and strippers.
Adventurella ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:41:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy subway forever.
starwars_and_guns ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:41:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate everything except 20 million dollars.
Doing so would make me the greatest philanthropist of all time, but I don't care. I just want 20m
Live on 200 grand a year for the rest of my life. Kids get whatever is left over.
DaddyCatALSO ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:42:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy as nice place, a phone, a decent used car, a good computer and web service. Put a bunch into a card so I can order the huge # of books I want.
JollyFilledDonut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:42:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Become a full-time resident of /r/legaladvice
ChickenOfDoom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:42:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not tell anyone. Continue as normal with visible purchases. People knowing you have a trillion dollars would suck.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:42:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate it to Bill Gates'charity foundation.
pathbinder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:42:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cure cancer and other deadly diseases and make it free to the public.
Carrath ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:42:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would quit my job and open up a small record store.
rva_rdf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:42:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Recreate the WTC complex and replicate the 9/11 attacks for comparison. Also buy a fiat.
shab54 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:42:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep cause rich guys can sleep in
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:42:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would use that money to build an orbital ring. It's much better than a traditional space elevator because you can build orbital rings at any inclination, they can carry people and cargo around earth rather than just into orbit, and they could be built without any major advances in material science. The first one would probably cost a few hundred billion dollars, but building more afterwards would be a fraction of the original cost because you'd be able to use the first ring to transport materials into space for construction of subsequent rings. Orbital rings wouldn't just make getting into orbit a lot easier, they would completely reshape the global economy and turn humanity into a truly spacefaring species.
HysteriaVII ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:42:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Be the first person to set the world record for spending 1 trillion dollars in three hours.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:42:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a house for me and the wife, something modest and comfty
Save for my son's education and well-being
Go on a vacation with the family
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:42:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Let's see.
Porsche panamera and 911
a house
go to school and give every single one of my classmates a cheque of 100 million dollars.
100 Billion to the Bill Gates Foundation
go to Zรผrich and make it rain in 100 dollar bills for about 100 million.
alexbuzzbee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:42:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Find and expose the Illuminati.
All_Fallible ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:42:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would feel very anxious having that much money. I would find a lawyer and begin trying to figure out a way to offload as much if it onto friends, family, and society as I could. Throw a bunch of money at Crohn's and Colitis research.
I'd travel around and try not to think about things when I've managed to whittle it down to 2 or 3 billion. Enough money that an economic disaster or some incredible blunder of finances could not in any reasonable world disadvantage me or leave me penniless.
4 billion. I have an illness so I'll need the extra for healthcare costs if they ever start denying billionaires with pre-existing illnesses coverage.
Actually fuck most of that. I just want Single payer healthcare in the states, so I'd set up a 900 billion dollar fund available to the US government to be used only upon the creation and implementation of a transition plan to single payer insurance. 9/10ths of a trillion dollars would be a pretty decent start on the money it would take to turn the gears to make that happen. Then redistribute what's left to family and friends, then with the last 4 billion travel and not think about things. Yeah. That's the dream. Steady healthcare and not thinking about things while finally pooping in every country of the world. One day... maybe even poop in space.
KSFT__ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:43:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ask /r/personalfinance what to do
Exalaber ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:43:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing.
OatmealFor3v3r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:43:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would actually buy all of the NFL teams. This guarantees me as an owner will always make it to the Super Bowl and I will also be part of the winning team. I really want a Super Bowl ring. I will do this for as long as I can so there will be a wiki page saying I am the most successful (winning) NFL owner in history.
BarFreddys ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:43:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Run for president
brwnx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:43:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy things that start with the first letter of my name ofcourse!
kans7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:43:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cry
creepyditalini ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:43:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Konami.
Aedan2016 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:43:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would donate 99% of it. I have great respect for what the Gates family has done with their money, and I think that it could go a long way in solving many world issues.
Plus, 1% of a trillion dollars is more than enough to live very comfortably for the rest of my life.
Calisthesefingers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:43:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably keep a billion and give the rest away to as many people as possible
catchlight22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:43:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seek financial/investment advice.
Set 60% of my money up for income generation.
Live off $500,000/year without eating into any of my principal.
BillDaCatt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:43:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay for everything in pennies.
cstar4004 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:44:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a decent plot of land, build a few houses for my freinds and family, donate $1mill to Water Protecters' legal fees. Donate $1mill to NASA. Donate $1mill to National Forrest Service. Spend another million on random small donations for some gofundme campaigns. Become an active r/randomactsofamazon member. Put the rest in a credit union, and live off the interest and focus on art, music, farming, and nature preservation.
jervisTL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:44:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy a little house that's kind of secluded and then buy a few pounds of weed, watch TV, eat delivery food, gamble on sports, and play PS4 until I die of total heart failure at age 56.
le_petit_dejeuner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:44:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That would be a wonderful opportunity to build infrastructure in the poorest parts of the world to provide people with at least clean water and nutritious food. I would feel very happy to walk around such places and see everyone being cared for.
gottapaythetrolltol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:44:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shit the bed and not even care.
Kuromeru ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:44:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job, pay off my debt, invest for a while and then probably kill myself
brownie338 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:44:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time, man.
xanatos451 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:44:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Setup a socialized health care system.
momobrigglez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:44:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Solve world hunger!
Jk I'd buy a brothel
AFLoneWolf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:44:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off students' debts.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:44:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Attempt to destroy lobby-ism in the US..
momobrigglez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:44:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Solve world hunger!
Jk I'd buy a brothel
flekkzo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:44:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Save 100 million for me and my family.
Use the rest to start a foundation and invest in research in curing auto-immune and lung diseases. Then when we have cures I would pay to cure as many as I could, starting with myself and then starting with those that could least afford it and work my way up.
georgelappies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:44:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Add 5 dollars and throw a massive party.
j33pwrangler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:44:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Run for President. With that much money, I would win.
ScizorHands ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:44:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kms
legion-of-doom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:44:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Immediately withdraw as much as I could and go on the run before they noticed the mistake and tried to make me pay it back.
OspreyerpsO ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:45:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Half to charity then found my own country
Kvasirs_beard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:45:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Run about the town in nothing but my jimmies. Upon my arrest I'll claim I'm suffering from sudden and chronic affluenza. Following my swift release I'll drink and drive off into the sunset with my shirt off.
flippinecktucker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:45:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd phone Elon Musk and ask him what he wants to spend his trillion dollars on. Actually, I'd keep a billion for myself.
LibanH ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:45:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably get a few car washes and launder the money there and when that doesn't work out just launder all of it in laser tag. Props to anyone who got the references
r1sefromru1n ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:45:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time man....
Trussed_Up ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:45:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Depends. Did the money suddenly appear in my account out of thin air? If so i would try to find a way to destroy it. Adding a full trillion dollars to the monetary supply without an equal growth in the economy would tank the currency.
But if I skimmed that money out of the economy by receiving it through taxation or something then I guess I would try to find a way to give it all back. Pay it all out equally to every person in the country I suppose.
DrDre69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:45:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In all honesty, it would feel surreal and that its too good to be true. So probably nothing. Donate maybe!
SAE1856 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:45:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay the interest on my student loans
Syttas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:45:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I shove 'em up your ass
netwhoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:46:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Turn the fucking alarm off and go back to sleep. Fuck the snooze button.
scootzee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:46:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get up at 7am, finish my lab report and then study for my finals.
carmelburro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:46:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Outside of taking care of my family and a couple of really close friends?
Forgive all student debt in the US, and buy up medical debt too. Then probably become a perpetual student. I've always wanted to finish up and get my doctorate, go to culinary school, art school, all that jazz.
Buy FOX News, turn it into a liberal rag.
Outside of that, invest good chunks into various scientific research. It's obvious the government doesn't give two shits, so it's up to the private sector. And if I suddenly had a cool trillion, with no strings attached, well I think we're due for another scientific revolution.
MightBeAProblem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:46:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my medical debt, create college fund for son, and then go into politics.
Change the world. For real.
crashguy101 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:46:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ruin the world economy
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:46:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Expect it to be taken away.
Tuckered__Out ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:46:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
According to math, dividing that money evenly to every person on earth would mean each person gets about $142, and that's assuming they get USD. That's not a whole lot, so I'd give the money to organizations that truly have disadvantaged people's best interests at heart and would be able to help them get a better life. I'd donate to animals shelters, organizations that restore historic buildings, churches, nursing homes, hospitals, schools, the usual. I honestly would. As materialistic and first-world as this is, I want lots of stuff, so I would go on a shopping spree, but I'm more interested in things with meaning. I don't want something because it's expensive; I want it because it's interesting or useful.
falconmick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:46:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build a decent gaming machine... other than that what do you need with money??
Jonelizondo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:46:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd go right back to sleep
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:46:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Space program.
inquirewue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:46:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed and deal with it later.
varreed09 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:47:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd fully fund the dead live action cowboy bebop movie that Keanu reeves was going to be spoke in
Morphie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:47:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give 999 Billion to Elon Musk asking him to save us all.
PhilipHervaj ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:47:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get a vasectomy, then call the accountant and the travel agent.
skatael ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:47:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would spend 500 billion on alcohol, drugs and prostitutes.
And I would probably lose the other half for something stupid and meaningless.
ThisIsPatrik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:47:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put most of it into savings. Give some of it to my relatives. Probably would buy a sporty car in addition to my daily driver. Also pay my new insurance for my car.
whatsinthesocks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:47:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have sex with two chicks at the same time
McDreamyRP ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:47:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This easy. I would only need about 0.5% or about 5 million invested and protected in the usual ways. The rest I would give away in philanthropy. That is how a rich man can live a happy life. The real chore would be selecting worthwhile charities and seeing the money got to the people who need it most. But I think with a trillion dollars I can make that fun too.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:47:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lend it to the United States government so they go into more debt and end up owing me
screamqueenjunkie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:47:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hellooooooo, retirement!
WhiskeyCup ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:47:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy out the politicians, get them to pass laws that tax the ever-loving fuck out of the super rich, fix our electoral system so that it's actually representative and actually democratic, and help the prols seize the means of production.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:18:56 on March 20, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bullshit, you lying mother fucker. You would become a Republican in a fucking heart beat and start signing the praises of Paul Ryan.
WhiskeyCup ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:19:54 on March 20, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
nah das u
Stradigos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:48:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my student loans. Then with the remaining money go ham on the McDonalds dollar menu.
yourmother-athon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:48:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have a panic attack and go back to bed.
Famens ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:48:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Open my own bank... then buy up all the other banks, then only have 1 bank and JACK up the interest rates... collapse my economy, buy up the country, and be a hyper-powerful dictator.
Or, buy an island and become a recluse... with blackjack, and hookers.
tibetan-sand-fox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:48:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the Nintendo Switch + Breath of the Wild :(
YakiVegas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:48:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There'd be lots of hookers and blackjack involved somehow.
Dominocarsm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:48:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give each of my friends at least $10 billion. Buy a MASSIVE piece of land and create a new civilization
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:48:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would go back to bed cause fuck job
rillip ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:48:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd put aside 10 million for myself. Then I'd take the rest and make it my life's work to end poverty.
calaeno0824 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:48:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Simple, Go back to sleep.
Dingo9933 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:48:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep in probably instead of going into work. After that come up with a game plan on what to do and what ridiculous things I could do just cause like buy the worlds supply of Oreo cookies so people are forced to buy Hydrox and drive them crazy fore a few days.
pspetrini ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:48:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go on national television and offer to pay $5,000 to anyone who hits Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell in the mouth with a fresh human turd. The offer is open to anyone of US birth, at any time, and can be redeemed as often as possible. $100,000 if it's a sitting member of Congress and they hit him with it on the floor of the House or Senate.
Sit back and watch the world's greatest reality show.
paxgarmana ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
look at balance
email boss that I'm taking a personal day
go back to bed
goofball_jones ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Help humanity.
Harleydamienson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tell everyone they have to work hard to become successful like the billionaires do.
friedzombie456 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Comission all private/public space organizations to launch every rocket for 100 years to the sun filled with as much iron as possible to speed up becoming a red giant.
Airazz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just go to work as usual. It's a bank error and they'll take their money back a day later. They would send an army of lawyers if I took even a single penny out of that pile.
Even if it's not a bank error and I actually got a shitload of money, I'd still go to work. Work and wait for my boss to do something stupid, so that I could say "Fuck this shit, I quit!" and storm out loudly, with everyone watching. That would be awesome.
Then I'd probably buy the company.
Danovan79 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Live like a fucking king
Oh and fund a massive multi-science facility and build a nasa equivalent .
trentshipp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Personally finance every school band program that politely asks.
Alfredtg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Begin the process of buying American politics for myself. Before that happens though I'd need to cement my wealth with investments and buying out some companies.
JJ954 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Id buy my own city in Florida and build nothing put skyscrapers of apartments. I would house as many homeless veterans as I possibly could. It would make Dubai look like Detroit.
the_doctor04 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd do two chicks at the same time man
wheatfields ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:50:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe pay off everyones student loans? You could not only resolve our generations debt, but you would fuck over the system and the people running the system who ultimately make more money when our whole generation is still in debt. No extra money from interest adding up, who collection agencies go out of business, hell the whole debt market goes down the shit hole. And you can laugh while driving around your new sports car.
nt-yur-fathers-usrnm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:50:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spin my arms continually in opposite directions, and nod my head up and down forever.
csfu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:50:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
nothing. id sit on my ass and do nothing.... or two chicks at the same time.
WannaWaffle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:50:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go get TWO waffles!
juanita_d ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:50:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to school so I can do a job I really love.
Buy land where I can let dogs be free and happy and other animals too if they'd like.
Go around making life nicer for people.
Buy my husband all of the tools!
LunarTaxi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:50:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build an entourage and then buy a politician. That's what you're supposed to do with that kind of money.
Czlonkat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:50:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Id pay off my mothers home, pay off a home for myself and friends, id pay off students loans like I would put a quarter into a bums cup.
Except Aaron, fuck Aaron.
path20 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:50:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
pay off my debts, pay off parents and close friends and family debts, keep a million or two, distribute the rest among charities.
Aeagan23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:50:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Save all the anรญmalas!!!
Reqol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:50:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pocket a few percent and build myself a huge mansion on a bigger swath of land.
Then start a charitable foundation, hire people to handle the rest of that money and give it all away towards good causes like education, scientific research, aid relief, wildlife and nature programs, etc.
Probably a boring answer, but 1 trillion dollars is way too much. I could literally spend millions of dollars every day and not run out of money. Ever.
bajsgreger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get killed? If i get that kind of money, someone is bound to notice
CloseCannonAFB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay all debt of all my family and my girlfriend's family, which in the face of $1 trillion is infinitesimal
Buy a couple houses and a couple cars- also infinitesimal next to such a large amount. Work toward a garage that'd make Jay Leno's look like the carport of a rental in the ghetto.
Work to secure it (physically as well as fiscally) and secure my loved ones from people trying to get it
Endow my hometown and surrounding area with enough money to build, operate, and promote use of a light rail system and free Wi-Fi
Gift several high-end universities with large endowments, ensuring my daughter her choice when the time comes.
Endow the American Humane Society and several other charities significantly
Set up and fund extensively a PAC to work toward universal health care, campaign finance reform, and other causes I deem worthy.
Buy the National Wrestling Alliance. Also, a major media company.
Major disaster prep. I'm not a prepper now, but with that much money to spare, why not?
I could go on.
SergeantGrapefruit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy groceries without anxiety. They'll even be name brand items. Kraft Mac n cheese here I come!
g0wr0n ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd be real angry with my accountant, where did my other trillions go?
Doctor_Buttsac ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put all of the money into researching a will to live. That or garlic bread. A lot of garlic bread.
KyRoZ37 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1) hire best lawyer 2) tell boss to suck it
Arjunathemad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call the bank and ask them wtf?
Maaaaadvillian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
After consulting lawyers and creating a trust, I would then ensure that no school district in the country was unable to operate due to lack of funds.
Paradigm88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get Chick-Fil-A. On Sunday.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would give a large majority of it to charity and the rest to my loved ones
EiplecOco ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1/4th to each of my parents. 1/8th to each of my Grandparents. 1/8th to my brother.
Split the remaining in half and use one half of that for paying my friends tuition costs, creating a scholarship fund for my old high-school....That 437,500,000,000$ left for me? Immediate surgery for my herniated disc, pay my summer semesters off, buy a nice plot of land in both the US and Germany, and then half whatever is left into checking and savings.
And cut contact with a ton of people, hire some private security, and rarely go out.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ITT: people vastly under estimating the actual amount 1 trillion is.
RUSTY_LEMONADE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd get a grill like all the rappers have.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a studio space and spend every waking moment of my life recording. Well I'd also want to hire backup dancers and go on an amazing tour too (think David Bowie's Diamond Dogs tour)
AngryMimi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Say hello to my new friends
koreanwizard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Half on charity, 1/4th on buying out every member of congress to turn that flaming turd into something morally reprehensible, the rest would go towards my worldwide vacation houses, a private island, yacht, jet, you know, the works.
forkness ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a Nintendo switch
rocopotomus74 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start digging my way out. Not much room on my bed.
jehull24 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off all my boyfriend's debt, pay off my parent's mortgage, and then move to British Columbia and buy a mansion.
genocidechimp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Firstly, I'd invest in my health. That means get information on what types of medical treatments the rich people are using in order to live longer, such as stem cells, and I'd get all of that so I would be in the best shape and health of my life (This includes getting a personal trainer and cook, as well as a sleep in doctor,who will make sure im in the best shape ever asap). Next, I'd make sure my parents and family are set, by buying them houses whereever they wanted and paying off the debt they made from me going to college. Then I'd hit up my girl and tell her to come travel with me around the world, BUT not before I have a week long binge of cocaine and hookers with all of my friends without revealing all of my money of course, because you know, snakes. Finally once I'm done spending some of the money on lavish toys, mansions, butlers etc, I'd go help out India which is where I'm from and start up charitable foundations for the homeless kids.
Daddy_Donuts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay dr.evils ransom from Austin powers one. I saved the world your welcome.
savvy_knee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest A Huge Sum in something easily liquidable but very likely to grow small amounts, like an index fund. Wait for whoever that money really belongs to to come and collect. Cash out and keep the difference.
kurdt27 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Roll over and go back to sleep, nothing to worry about no more :-))
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
get banned for accepting money from a russian hacker
IDontLikePeaches_AMA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep.
sumostar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 chicks at the same time.
bpi89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy a ten million dollar car.
Staunch84 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not goto work. I'd still get up, but it would be to play some PoE legacy League.
Franklin2543 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy 160 acres of farmland somewhere just outside of a 100-400k town. Be a developer, make the best houses and apartments. Don't care if I don't profit... just be part of making something to keep busy. (though I wouldn't mind if I broke even)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy an island, build it into a self-sufficient sanctuary and quit humanity. I'd live out the rest of my life in total isolation.
trevkno2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to the University of Arizona and take my best friend with me. I was accepted but don't have the financial security to survive at the moment. I love the weather, atmosphere, food, people, etc in Tucson.
Punkeec ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build myself a mansion with a safe room like the one in Duck tales and go swimming in my pool of money.
here4dafreefoodnbeer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Vaca around the world helping the impoverish locals. Buy land and build solar powered safe camps for homeless in exchange for work completed to better the neighborhoods they are in. Invest in deep sea exploration companies just because I wanna see what the fucks down there. Throw a party, invite celebs, politicians, top scientists and my friends and family. Buy a cabin on a mountain with a lake nearby.
kenata88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep because fuck it, I'm a trillionaire I don't need to go to work
ksavage68 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:54:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two girls at the same time, man.
paralympiacos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:54:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy a damn brewery and turn the planet into alcoholics
sosueme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:54:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 million chicks at the same time man
antwonspit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:54:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Adopt another dog for my father. Since he just had to put his Shepard down last night
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:54:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the MLS and make them play using a deflated football on an ice rink.
KillerSquid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:55:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Panic. Overthink where it came from, and become extremely paranoid. Never leave the house. Stay away from the windows. Cell phone in microwave. Samsung tv smashed to pieces. Why me? WHY ME!?
theDarkWon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:55:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Help out the homeless directly. No charities. Hell,they could spend all the money i gave them on drugs if they wanted! Everyone deserves to spend money a lot of money stupidly atleast once.
_benjumin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:55:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep
kaett ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:55:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
stay inside. drink coffee. confirm through all verifiable bank outlets that the money really is mine.
sit for 30 days. with most banks, if there's an error in your account and it's not caught for 30 days, the money is yours.
take over the world.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:55:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
End world hunger, not by throwing money at it, but by hiring scientists and other great minds unlike myself to figure out how to make places with famines and droughts not have those things.
Tongs33 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:55:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get some more cough syrup.
vandakiara ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:55:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy everyone an education so they could spell tomorrow right
Samtato77 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:55:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a yellow Lamborghini Aventador, my dream car.
BertnFTW ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:55:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
SoManyLemurs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:55:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bit Coins. Becuase I can.
Postep-Diode ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:55:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just want a switch and Splatoon 2
Hippnotik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:55:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy out all the Gucci, Versace, Louis Vuitton, and Tom Ford in the area...then donate all that shit to Goodwill.
TheTimeWeWaste ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:55:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a cabinet position.
Mathiesen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:56:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cars and cars and cars and cars
Funkyc0bra ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:56:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Clichรฉ but I'd tell work in ain't going back and buy a shit to of stuff and spend some quality time with my girlfriend before my son is born in April
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:56:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:56:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job immediately.
thrownawayTJ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:56:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would play ping pong with my 8 y/o son
jiggy175 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:56:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How much cocaine and hookers will a trillion get me?
TheCatterson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:56:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be honest, invest in stuff like a house first so I am prepared. Put some money away for the joys of taxes and then once I am settled in, it's buying a ticket for every F1 race on the calender
sup3rr0ck13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:56:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fund science research for eternity. Plus live a modestly decent lifestyle
Bostonterrierfarts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:56:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cocaine.
somegridplayer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:56:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to work. But do just a tiny bit less than before.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:56:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I tell ya what I'd do man...two chicks at the same time man.
gr33nG3nt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:56:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've always wondered what 1 trillion dollars worth of gummy bears looked like...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:56:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd walk around and tell people to go fuck themselves for a few days, then go buy an island.
croatiancroc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:56:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep. Either because I am a trillionaire and don't need to go to work, or because I am hallucinating and can call in sick.
frenchy559 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:56:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make sure that the people I'm close to are well taken care of, set aside like 10 billion for myself, then spread it evenly throughout all the charities I see fit.
phangouser ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:56:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Google/Alphabet
aclockwork0range ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:57:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
well the first thing i would do is go out and buy a nintendo switch.
Henniferlopez87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:57:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wonder what I have that the Government wants.
klshort37 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:57:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably die of a heart attack...
hobbycollector ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:57:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give everyone in the U.S. 3k to leave me alone. With the rest, buy an island.
Ghoulaugen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:57:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy the medication I need that I am unable to afford. Other than that I'd probably give most of it to friends and family that need it and save the rest.
kantarufel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:57:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
VannaValkyrie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:57:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Visit my boyfriend (in a long-distance relationship, California to New Zealand). After that, buy ESO+ for myself and send my entire family on vacations.
And then I'd save the world. Lol.
DreamsOfDankMemes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:57:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just want to pay off bills and live without constant eviction notices
Deanidge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:57:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sli 1080ti's!!!
foofarley ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:57:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 chicks at the same time.
bitchocles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:57:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time.
Poesghost ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:57:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would die as my life couldn't afford it.
Edited (adding): Else if my life could afford it. I would be a real Forbes then, not just some wannabe.
matchettiero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:58:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy tons of land. Build a mini castle with a yacht and practically donate the rest. Helping small businesses get off the ground would also be a choice I would make. Also, I would still work in the glass industry. Its what I have a passion for and wouldn't expect that to leave me.
bithakr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:58:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get it the hell out of the United States before the IRS finds out...
somedude456 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:58:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Order a Pagani.
erwinhero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:58:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep
aliarr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:58:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Financially support every aspiring scientist and help get them jobs with Musk or NASA in order to advance our species.
craigeve ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:58:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call Bill Gates and Elon Musk and get planning on how to save the world.
mightymuchanga ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:58:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to a worry free sleep
CLAWSFORFINGERS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:58:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time.
HowRiskyIsDatClick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:58:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Be surprised bitcoin took off this fast.
EDDIE_BR0CK ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:58:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably still go to work. I care too much about my job to leave my co-workers hanging...
What's wrong with me?
peachedout ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:58:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drop out, buy an island, flourish in tropical isolation
pilgrimz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:58:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing. I would relax and sit around on my ass all day and do nothing.
edumahcation ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:58:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would pay for a one way suicide trip into space, any direction. Have me land on Venus or Mars :P
panzermeyer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:58:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate all of it, except for 5 million to keep for myself and family.
vaanen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:58:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i would probably fart
jblakey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:59:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep.
tehbigg2k15 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:59:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Road trip to the moon
iwatchsportsball ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:59:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed
I_am_ahab_1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:59:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay for a spell-check app for you.
PrintError ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:59:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're telling me all of the blacks and Mexicans are gone and I've got a trillion dollars?
I'll have a Coke, then.
(BDS FTW)
AppleDane ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:59:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would feel well and good, because nothing could threaten me, except microbes!
JakeM917 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:59:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy a $300 metal Captain America shield, all the Hot Toys ever made, all the Force FX lightsabers ever made, and donate the rest to charity.
So about a trillion dollars.
ACMM123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:59:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can we get an edit on the title please? At the risk of pulling a Pewdiepie, I think some grammar naziing is in order...
Laphyrion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:59:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd become a rich recluse.
WarSatyr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:59:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Premium gas
psmylie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:00:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once I confirmed that it was legit, and it was money I could actually spend, I would immediately start worrying about my family being kidnapped and held for ransom. I would essentially move everyone I cared about into a secure facility and hire my own private and well-paid army to protect them.
I would also retain the services of several law firms. Not lawyers, law firms. I'd have them all keep an eye on each other in order to keep them all honest. Also, teams of accountants to manage the cash. And to keep an eye on the other accountants, of course.
Once I got all that out of the way... I'd start going around and being Mr. Cool Philanthropist Guy. I'd set up programs to help people manage debtโlike, buy high-interest debt and re-structure it as interest-free with lower payments. I'd hire lawyers to aggressively defend people arrested on weak charges so they don't just plead out or go into debt to pay a bail bondsman on a charge that they could beat but can't afford to. All sorts of things like that.
I'd hire lobbyists to push to pass laws to get money out of politics, to stop gerrymandering, and so on.
Whatever money I have left over after all of this, I'll help people out with low or no-interest loans in order to start up their own businesses, because small business is the real job creator.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:00:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit job. Travel. Never stop.
Caridor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:00:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go over to r/pcmasterrace and get them to build me the biggest, most powerful computer rig the world has ever seen.
Then, I'd build something for Robot Wars. Actually, you know what? I'm making a God damn Gundam!
jjthegreatest ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:00:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spend every cent of it on my own space program and gtfo out of here. Just me and my dog.
PinkertonRams ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:00:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/personalfinance
EarlySalmonSpawn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:00:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Expand my local YMCA so it's not so Fucking crowded when I try to go during the motherfucking lunch rush, God damnit.
twixxie4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:00:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not go to work
SandyXXIV ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:00:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
...so are we pretending that we wouldn't try to spread as much of that money as possible across our beds to giggle maniacally with all the little printed faces?
brupper_2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:00:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing
intergalacticwalrus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:00:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Smile. Not call into work. Go back to sleep.
Roonskape ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:00:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest a fuck ton of money in a huge Harry Potter castle replica
1mikeg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:00:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tell my boss to go eat a bag of dicks and then offer him 1 million to tell his boss to go eat a bag of dicks.
PairsOfSunglasses ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:00:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Burn most of it until I have enough to buy a nice house, a couple nice cars and live for the rest of my life work-free. You don't want to damage the world economy.
JackHoober ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:01:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a ton of land surrounded by national forest. Hire architect to design my dream home. Probably buy a GTX 1080 too.
Mc_ThuMp_NasTy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:01:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy all the Nintendo Switches on Amazon and resale them for a much lower price. Fuck scalpers.
CorriByrne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:01:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give most of away. Keep enough to live very well.
KenMicMarKey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:01:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep. If I have that much money, I can afford to sleep in
Zazi_Zarrith ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:01:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Become a vigilante to drain the true swamp.
mikezig369 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:01:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put $10 million in a high interest savings account (about 1% interest earned). And live off the $100,000 a year. Set up two are three more of those for my favorite local charities/organizations.
Donate the rest to research on psychedelics.
Galalithial ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:01:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Finally stop worrying.
Andrew_Squared ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:01:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
laconfidential91 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:01:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
5 more minutes
y3llowed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:01:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was going to say I'd pay off all of the student loan debt in the US and live off the leftovers. Then I realized I wouldn't have enough to cover it. Fuck.
spawberries ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:02:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably play videogames and buy myself a good pc, keyboard, mouse, and headset. Then I'd tell Kim to go fuck herself.
Same as every other day, but at least I get a sick af computer.
Edit: Go fuck yourself Kim
spawberries ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:02:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably play videogames and buy myself a good pc, keyboard, mouse, and headset. Then I'd tell Kim to go fuck herself.
Same as every other day, but at least I get a sick af computer.
Edit: Go fuck yourself Kim
joselrl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:02:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm happy with my life... Would continue to study but would pay all the dinners... and lunches... and maybe offer some computers...
zombiegamer101 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:02:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Burn most of it. I'm not going to b the reason for inflation and economic collapse like in Zimbabwe.
Amphetaminoman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:02:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cocaine
colo6299 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:02:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy a 1080 then use the rest of the money on something off of the McDonalds dollar menu...
Twaam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:02:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would pay off my parents house, sisters' colleges tuition, and pay off my bosses restaurant because they are great people.
Volntyr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:02:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Congress and then kick out the idiots. I'm looking at you, Louie Gohmert
rtilde ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:03:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would the trillion amount be dependent on the scale I use? We use the long scale over here, as opposed to the short scale used in the US/UK, so that would be $1,000,000,000,000,000,000 (a quintillion in short scale).
Ah, who am I kidding? I still wouldn't know where to start.
jerkstore1973 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:03:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give $999,995,000,000.00 away as fast as I could.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:03:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
coke
-VempirE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:03:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Commission Half life 3 and a dark souls level editor for starters.
also buy a home and a cintiq companion.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:03:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ideally I would try to grow my money and use it for political/social influence and try to fix the world somehow. In reality I would build a house and start a business and then help my friends and family financially
snowbanks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:03:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Convert them to euro's
UltraSapien ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:03:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay a lot of taxes and have to undergo a lengthy investigation by state and federal authorities.
linktype ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:03:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
buy a playstation 4
Xmasbaubles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:03:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire you a grammar tutor.
Manwell_Pablo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:03:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Exchange it to pounds
robsbob18 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:03:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a part of my favorite soccer team, invest in the marijuana industry (usa), purchase an apartment and travel probably half the year
EdwardPastaHands ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:03:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job, buy my mum her ideal house. Go to Florence and buy myself a nice house. Open a bookshop with a bar in it. Eat black truffles every day for breakfast until the money runs out or I die
pichaelthompson69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:03:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hookers
Klopford ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:03:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my student loans, my brother's student loans, my parents' debts, quit my job, and move out.
WL1054 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:03:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Be batman
HoboRisky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:03:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep knowing I will never have to wake up for work again.
Mallago ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:04:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spend most of it seriously aiding transhumanist research. Aubrey de Grey, Calico, Ray Kurzweil, etc. Start an intentional campaign promoting, buying billboards and commercials all over the world.
I'd do the same to promote the mens rights movement, to a lesser extend. Enough billboards/ads so it becomes a global buzzphrase, and with my money I can make sure I maintain control of the conversation.
Buy Manchester United and make sure we win the champions league. Ditto for the Miami Marlins. Dolphins, Panthers and Heat have a salary cap so I'm not sure I can help much there. I'd upgrade University of Miami's football facilities thought, for sure.
I'd alo buy either a large piece of property somewhere or an Island- depending on how much a trillion goes after all the expenditure above- and my own small private military force.
pixie_led ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:04:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd move farrrrrr away and start a new life.
naricstar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:04:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Leave the country, no way is this legal and someone is absolutely hunting me as we speak.
DilbertHigh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:04:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shit myself.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:04:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get a nice house and live the rest of my life comfortably without worrying about whether to choose between rent and groceries every month.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:04:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Change my major and spend more time in school because the expense wouldn't be bad. Either that or put all of my time into health and exercise and open up gyms. Either way staying productive and adding to the economy is my poab
Kfishproduction ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:04:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bribe the North Korean Military to revolt against Kim Jong Un and make me leader. I will not unify Korea, but allow it to slowly transition into a capitalist economy with open trade.
BigSpicyMeatball ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:04:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aside from two girls at the same time?
Zanderax ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:04:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep.
Nihongeaux ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:04:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kill myself. It won't get any better than that moment.
Gorecakes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i'd buy a 1 trillion dollar watch.
TheeMagicPeanut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1 trillion lollipops
wallbrick_699 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Change the world for the better. Quit current job, start working on developing AI, start development work on the first of many space elevators, and start development on Arcologies (people living in a dense megastructure) so we can get ready to colonize when we get our asses off this planet.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go on a sketching trip around the world with my dog. Make art, but I'd be able to afford to make it places other than the couch in my shitty, mouldy basement apartment, and anywhere that's within walking distance of it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Assuming it was legally attained I would...keep working on my businesses.
I really, really like making businesses work...I don't even know if I would do any crazy cash influxes into them. I would probably just enjoy the lack of stress knowing that I'll be fine no matter what happens for sales the next month.
so not much would change.
I'd get a big garage and some cars....that's about it.
Laserdollarz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a party hat just for looks. I might be able to afford a purple one.
RedChld ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd fix this country. With assassins.
ppsnake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would call in fuck you to work. Not sick but fuck you.
Probably a little something like this: https://youtu.be/qIqeXSYc8nE
chilols ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd start a business. It'd basically just be some software as a service that doesn't have a physical product but will also make people not question where my money comes from. It's my job, I work from home. The business would be in a clearly saturated market where I'm not the best option to go with so that I don't accidentally get any real customers I need to support.
I'd also follow the advice from the lottery thread.
ThanklessTask ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy an island. A big one.
emij22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1 -Spend a huge part of my life rescuing animals and finding them good homes, or creating safe, thriving environments where they could live out the rest of their lives. 2 - Get my sister her 2nd spinal operation (she's 21). 3 - Pay off my Mom's mortgage and fix our house. 4 - Take asshole Father to court. 5 - Buy myself a ludicrous amount of chocolate. 6 - Donate a shit-ton of it, because who actually needs $1 trillion? 7 - Season pass to Toronto Blue Jays games for the next decade. 8 - Buy all the most expensive yarn because I can. 9 - Get my Gram & Grandad a safe home with the medical care they need. 10 - ALL THE COMICS. Just... all of them. 11 - I don't know, man. See where life takes me. Finish university, and go from there. Never know when you might need a million or two.
truncatedChronologis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First I'd buy frivolous things and such like expensive toys foods hotels and pay off family debt and other things.
I'd bribe the government of the United States buy the devastated parts of Michigan and consult experts and the people living there to see how best we could restore the area to functional human existence.
I'd see if there was something I could do to help the First Nations without buying their shit (because thats what got things started in the first place). Probably try and develop community infrastructure like water and such and give money for a more well developed education system that somehow balanced their community needs? Idk I need to learn more about the issues anyway.
Dudemanguybloke ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time...
flowersandtrees69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to Disney with my daughter!! She would love to go!!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Table Topics for Toastmasters
fdsaf3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:06:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Immediately turn on the news to see how much chaos and anarchy has come from such a major disruption to the global economy.
regisgod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:06:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy some dairylea dunkers.
KadeLylath ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:06:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my student loans, buy my best friend a house, pay off my grandma's house, and enjoy life.
Fun_Sized_Momo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:06:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd run for president.
LPenne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:06:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Become Batman. Fuck yes.
sonofturbo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:07:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If i had 1 trillion dollars im pretty sure i could solve allot of the worlds problems.
TheCrazyWalnut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:07:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
flexGod22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:07:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go on vacation tf lmao
mustSLEEPnow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:07:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kill myself, donate everything to my family and organizations that help the poor or move to the moutains.
KaVenGalel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:07:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put it into 300 different savings accounts, take out 1 billion for fun, live off interest the rest of my life and start a scholarship fund.
46burner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:07:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tell my manager I won't be able to make it to work that day. I'd quit later, but I stillenjoy what I do.
Invest $499 billion into renewable energy and electric cars, hopefully setting up a decent industry Canada could help bring to the world.
Probably just drift around the world, not contributing anything to society for the rest of my life.
Ewe3zy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:07:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd put it all on black. Wildcard style.
Stompuh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:07:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drugs and hookers
covercash ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:07:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay Keebler to bring back Pizzarias.
Give SpaceX & NASA unlimited funding.
Unfuck healthcare, starting with America.
verdin424 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:07:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well... first. I would tell my dad he no longer has to work because he's getting old. Then I would go to work, and act like it was any other day and slowly but my parents, my boyfriends mom, and my self a home. I would contribute a large amount to pph and aclu and then just see what life has more to offer.
ixijimixi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate a billion dollars to Planned Parenthood in Mike Pence's name
Bleidkiin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well maybe I'll have enough to buy some of the snacks at the movies instead of bringing my own.
cblrtopas ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:28:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Woah, there. It's only a trillion,let's not go crazy.
wesleynile ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think I'd go to work.
Ima_AMA_AMA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck up the enconomy
sonofbaal_tbc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
build a gerontology lab
Ninclemdo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First, build a PC with godly parts. Then divvy it up between family and friends.
HarryCaul ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off all student debt in the United States on one condition: Every single person currently standing on American soil must go outside and sing "I Touch Myself" by the Divinyls at the exact same time, preferably 3pm EST on Charles Darwin's Birthday.
11_25_13_TheEdge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I tell you what I'd do. Two chicks at the same time man. Always wanted to do something like that.
blue_alien_police ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start my own space company and colonize the moon.
MeltedSnowman13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put a couple million in the Bank, Live off the interest from that. Get a really nice fucking car for myself, and go to space. Id Invest the rest into ending world hunger, bringing free internet to everyone on the planet, advancing A.I. whilst monitoring it, and funding innovative startups and alternate education systems for the global community. Also I would buy Trump tower and make it into a homeless shelter just to see the look on his orange face. Then id just travel until I died, but I wouldn't die because with a trillion dollars you could find the cure for death. Thats for starters
OriginalEvils ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First, I would fix your spelling
kaahi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:09:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Leave the house with a backpack full of stuff and a camera, travel the world and help as many people I meet along the way.
oxide-NL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:09:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my country entire private debt. Just because I wanna see what happends when everyone is debt free.
I guess, in general a better atmosphere on the streets.
A drop in crime and suicide related cases.
Fewer numbers of people in need of mental health care.
Fewer houses lacking maintenance.
More kids on sports and other after school activities.
A healthier society in general
mardon_uz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:09:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Keep 50 billion and end world hunger, homelessness, and make world run oil free
Scanroddian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:09:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
FREE TUITION FOR ALL (while supplies last)
Lizbethknel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:09:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll tell you what I'd do, two chicks at the same time man.
Verxl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:09:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire a lawyer both for legal protections and to immediately start a detailed will in case of trouble. Hire an accountant to keep maybe 20 million dollars invested in the market. Pay off my house and donate it, buy a new house, new car for myself, wife, and roommate, and set aside a fund for international vacation homes (maybe one in Italy, one in Japan, and something in scandanavia). Pay off roommate's debts in full, celebrate with friends and family at wife's favorite restaurant, buy the few "shiny" things I'm currently saving for, then proceed to donate to charitable or political organizations to advance socialist programs in the US as well as education and science funding until I end up with a comfortable 5 million left (not including invested amount that should keep me and kids afloat forever and make grandkids well off) and be a full time retiree.
tutydis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:09:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Google.
okcboomer87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:09:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get high and wank one out. So a normal day.
ElitistRobot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:09:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Be ethical with my money.
SwearWordInUsername ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:10:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Education
Travel
Psychedelic drugs
By that time i'll have a new dream to pursue.
hWatchMod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:10:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off debts of myself and anyone I was close to. Donate all of my belongings to someone in need and start a new life with my family somewhere remote. After being settled, observe what good could possibly be done with that kind of money. Start a business, buy a business, grow something and treat employees right.
Beerasaurus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:10:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at once.
MattyBTraps42069 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:10:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:11:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd start giving it away to charities, the homeless and anyone else that needed a hand.
severed13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:11:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
thats about
rest of your life with Liara Roux
5b months with high end prostitutes
1 month with 5b high end prostitutes
12.5b nights with avg hoes
1 trillion cracked out hoes
monkeysthrowingfeces ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:11:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Assuming 1T USD, take the 1.35T CAD, bail my entire country out of debt.
DeviantBro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:11:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Say 'suck it bill gates whose the richest guy in the world now huh!:
Jocavalo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:11:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably ruin the economy.
JohnCarpenterLives ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:11:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire an accountant, contact John Carpenter about making whatever he wants, contact someone about making a shark lake, end the dog/cat meat/torture trade (peacefully, or with security contractors, probably contractors), and then get some shit lined up for tomorrow.
thisonethatgirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:11:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy my current live-in ex bf a house so he can get out of my life already.
adz92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:11:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Knowing my luck lately, I would get hit by a bus on the way to the bank and die.
noblepups ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:11:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Roll over and go back to sleep.
wazikamikazi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:11:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy $AMD
FreshGnar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:11:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a bunch of kush
spidermanbyday ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:11:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Distribute it evenly among members of the executive and legislative branches of the US federal government in exchange for their resignations. By my count they all get somewhere around 1.7 billion dollars each to get the fuck out.
mweebles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:11:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job, enroll in school and put aside enough money to get through, pay off my debt, pay off parents' debt, donate to a few charities, give Nessie tree fiddy.
atillero11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:11:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go right back to sleep
Sinby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd stop worrying about paying off school for one. Probably help my friends get their companies off the ground. Donate a bunch of it to reputable charities (tax write off, I can't imagine what the taxes on suddenly getting a trillion dollars is). And buy something at McDonald's without it being on the value meal sign.
fester5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd put a $500 million hit job on Vladamir Putin.
DadeKaller ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:13:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And when he puts a billion on you?
fester5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:04:03 on March 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll put $2 billion
ridemooses ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Save just enough to live comfortably (maybe a few million?), donate the rest to various charities, quit my job and become a full time writer.
Mechasteel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably wreck the economy (not on purpose). Also I'd colonize space.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay my house off as well as the houses of my siblings, or give them the option to buy a new house. New cars for them and my family, everyone's debts are paid. My kids and nieces and nephews would instantly have college funds set up. I'd take a reasonable trip to Europe, mostly London and the UK. I'd make sure my local churches have their financial needs met as well. Next I'd never drive Uber again. Sigh. That's nice to just think about for a minute. Then I'd sink myself into music. I would probably break down and buy a fully furnished studio with modern recording equipment and spend a year or two learning how to use it. Probably use some hired guns to record others and myself. I'd buy a house in TN where my wife is from and we'd probably get a NetJets account and fly back and fourth multiple times per year. I'd ski more, teaching my kids as well. Probably hire a tutor for them so they could learn during all the travels and adventure. I'd likely get bored and return to work maybe. Part time and with a lot less pressure. Remaining money would be spread out over investments to secure my own future and the future of my family. You might think I forgot about charity but I did not. I gave money to my local churches. Part of that would be for facilities and their security, but much of that would be set aside for charity through the churches. Yep. That would be the high level outline of what I would do with 1 trillion USD.
Mojito_Pie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep for just a little bit longer. What I would pay for a nice sleep in is extraordinary...
ryklops ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to the doctor and not worry about debt lol
SuborbitalTrajectory ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Immidatly start a space program and colonize the shit out of the moon.
sobisuga ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
travel the world and help those in need. donate most of the money to good charities
DrFatz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the best cruiser motorcycle out there and go across the world with it.
TheOneWithoutPorn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a house. Buy a car. Save 5 mill. Donate the rest.
hardter_tobak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy a fucking huge island and create a new country called Iownallthingsfuckers, well maybe not, maybe yes, ok there will be a referendum. For a visa to my country everyone must take an iq-test and testify that there's only two genders and pets can't live with a vegan diet. Ethnicity and religion don't count, and Oh, sure someone else gotta be president or some shit, power is not good for me.
btw. buying and owning all social media platforms would come in pretty handy for just one reason, shut them the fuck down.
nate0590 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
run away from home and never work another day in my life xd
in-faciem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Scatter it around to so many people I know and then pretend it never happened, or as my Hispanic mother would say "put it under your mattress"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call off work, invest half the money in an interest accounts that would easily make me Millions a year. Work out my last remaining months of my job as I wished...then travel the planet with my kids and future wife.
Xyphered ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:15:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Really? You still worrying about making money with 1 trillion in hand????
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:09:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Got to worry about my kids, and their kids and their kids....you get it!
Xyphered ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:32:49 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1 trillion takes care of the next 10 gens
dimsumwitmychum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well how do you "get" the money? I highly doubt my consumer account would even hold that money. I suppose I would hire a small army of lawyers and accountants to secure it. Then I'd probably invest most of it in high dividend indexes. After that I'd chill and play computer games for a couple months, not telling anyone about the windfall. Then in the summer I'd break the news and travel the world with my family and friends. I'd buy a home for my parents and grandparents and pay for my brothers education. I'd probably stay where I am and buy a medium sized home with a nice view. Then I'd spend the rest of my time going to art galleries and other creative events. I'd also go to Washington and get involved somehow.
holebutt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:13:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fund public transit
coralfields ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:13:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
first, i'd basically become worldwide batman. then i'd buy a plane, an island, and a sailboat. then i'd end world hunger and invest money into fixing the environment and colonising other planets. then i'd invest the rest into research about immortality and superpowers. mainly conducted on my island.
as a side note, some 20 years ago the figure was usually into the 100k area. then it went to 1m. then to 1b. and here we are now. insatiable.
gilliam86 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:13:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hmm.
First off put half in an account for my daughter.
Pay off all debt for family, friends, offer them all new houses free of charge in the neighborhood I'm about to describe:
Buy up all available houses in the historic part of town I live in:
-Remodel all the homes to historical standard, cut no corners and sell them at cost to first time homebuyers with 0% interest with some kind of legal all encompassing contract that prevents them from flipping the houses for profit.
-Offer to remodel every home in the neighborhood for free no strings, bring everything up to code and invest in a fund that can sustain itself in a way that can cover the costs of all lawn care and home maintenance in the neighborhood.
-Invest heavily in the neighborhood businesses for a SMALL cut of the profits, that cut goes towards the previously mentioned lawncare and maintenance fund.
Invest the rest so I can live comfortably the rest of my days, randomly using my money to pay off complete strangers debt anonymously.
I'm sure there's some other crazy shit I'd do like build a mega computer of doom and stuff but I've had that "the rising tide raises all ships" daydream my whole life and love sharing it.
Suzookus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:13:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start SpaceY to compete with SpaceX and then start Edison to compete with Tesla on electric cars.
Haroshia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:13:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my student loans, then pay off as many other people's student loans as possible. Collapse the student loan bubble.
Xyphered ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ayy you real
Haroshia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just really fucking hate student loans.
Dingelsen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:13:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a hundred square miles in the midwest and get to building Dingeltown.
Hurricane_Party ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:13:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build a really fast racecar, then build a mildly fast street car, then have money left over to cover the cost of fuel.
zroberts1207 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:13:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably still be on Reddit, correcting people's grammar.
"What WOULD you do if you woke with 1 trillion dollars tomorrow?"
grinds teeth
dirty_ronin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:13:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy vast amount of land. Do things on said land.
xenobuzz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:13:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Keep both eyes peeled for the Beagle Boys and Magicia de Spell!
robeph ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:13:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd..Probably...To be honest, I don't have much I want, a few needs. Maybe hire someone to better organize and clean my house, I've a trouble with clutter, not dirty per se.
I don't need a larger house. My 2011 car I just bought works, could get better gas mileage bit whatever. Maybe I'd buy an electric car so it was more economical.
I'd pay off my student debt. My medical bills from 10 years as a diabetic with no insurance, about 500k. Maybe pay the last half of this car note at about 5k.
But mainly what I'd focus on is making a sustainable and functional harm reduction group. Focusing primarily on drug proper use education, overdose control (nalaxone distribution), and needle exchange, which we have none of at all here in my state really. I've had over 20 acquaintances and some really close friends die in the last 5 years, most very preventable drug related. I'd also fund free to end user cognitive behavioral drug rehabilitation programs in my state as opposed to the failing 12 step programs and in patient 12 step that my state only currently offers for free. It does not work. If it did at least some of those I know who have gone, even when by their own volition, would not still be using. But the state cares little for what works.
I'd get to designing corner fountains that distribute clean and cold water on downtown , every year it is real hot here, muggy, humid, and the homeless and pedestrian workers alike are see a sharp increase in heat stroke during summer months. Dollar general bottled water and a cooler is my current schtick but if they put what amounted to large water coolers that could stand up to public use and fill bottles and cups for folks, it would be much better I imagine.
I'd also fund the state in an effort to get them to add reflectors to rural roads. At night the curves are scary over hills you can't see a thing. Reflectors are rare but amazingly useful where they are used. I would bet the reduction is risk to both single car and multiple vehicle accidents would be notable.
And then I'd invest a large portion of it to ensure sustainability. Cos money doesn't last forever, but it can be made into more and much of what I'd like to do is costly.
toechill ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay school debt, give all my best friends and family a billion each, invest heavily in solar and green technology, work with Elon to get me to the moon, buy an island and build a castle, publicly denounce Trump as a peasant, donate to a vast network of cancer research foundations, travel the world, play a lot of Magic the Gathering, make a state of the art analog recording studio and get all my favorite bands to record there, open up a real absinthe bar somewhere in Europe, higher a personal trainer and a dietician and someone to buy my groceries and then cook, make a cameo in GoT and Star Wars, buy Fox News and totally ruin it so when I'm at my parents house it wouldn't be so bad.
DMH713 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Double check I actually have that money
burritoss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Travel with my parents. Help all those who have helped me and those who need it. Eat all the good food in the world. Volunteer. Start researching how to better the world with all that money.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give a % of it to charity and move my family all into nice stable homes. Put money away for my sons education. Get my wife and I a reliable car and invest in a career video editing for myself. I'd put my wife through writing school. Then I'd fund a scholarship to get a bunch of kids through university so they can pursue important, rewarding careers without being buried in student loans.
Oh yeah, plus all the cocaine and booze I could handle.
DrkKnght1138 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my house, Raze it to the ground, Pull up the foundations, and start from scratch. Buy a new car, Move to part time employment, Up my time spent in school, and make a sizeable donation to several charity organizations. Not necessarily in that order though.
crashandburnxoxo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a house. Pay off my car. Pay off my car insurance for a year.. Pay any and all bills. Spoil the shit out of my child and boyfriend. Buy my boyfriend the truck of his choice (he recently totalled his baby :-/) Shop. Shop. And shop some more. Actually go and get a real hair cut instead of half assing it myself. Help my friends and family as much as possible (and as much as they'd accept)
And then save, sit back, and relax.
joshmobile ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the Seattle Seahawks and move them to Oklahoma City.
tomletswork ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Where to start...
$100: Get a will written and secured.
3b: buy or retain a financials team to secure and invest the money while it's not being used.
3b: My parents, have fun, earned by getting me through 24 years of life.
3b: My little sister, have fun. Earned by putting up with me for almost that long.
40b: My personal fund. I'm not sure I can comprehend spending more than a few billion on personal things. Maybe a few nice houses around the world. some top-of-the-line things from my current hobbies. Should last me the rest of my life with my future planned lifestyle.
200b: Earth focused research. Clean energy, medical research, education, stuff to make me feel good, etc.
100b: Non-Earth focused research. Space is pretty neat and always a productive funnel for money.
400b: Who's money is it anyway? Set up a foundation who gives a billion each year to someone who might make the best use of it for the next 400 years. Returns on investment will get fed back into the fun until it's depleted.
250b: Financial reserve. Each of my future generations will get 1 billion split equally among them. I'm hoping that by the 250th generation a shit load of people will get $3.50 by being my descendant. Returns on investment will get fed back into the fun until it's depleted.
$999,999,999,900: Money to buy a helicopter, pilot, and clearance to rain money down on a randomly announced city each month while money allows. Part of me feels like this would be the most exciting way to get rid of it but part of me wants to know how people/cities would handle something happening regularly like that.
tcoop6231 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give a big chunk to Elon Musk to help with the Mars colonization efforts.
ParisGreenGretsch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd do an AMA and tell you guys all about it, followed by an unprecedented run of TIFU.
Nateddog21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay my bills. Raise my credit score
Levi-es ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a few things here and there that I've always wanted, travel, give some money to relatives, probably occasionally donate some of it, and start a bunch of hobbies because now I can afford to get involved in something that I won't ever get a return for my money on.
55nav ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go out and buy a 10 million dollar cheeseburger as a result of the overnight inflation.
lowpez95 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep and hopefully wake up with 2 trillion dollars
DinoGorillaBearMan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:15:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Laugh and go back to bed. Never speak to anyone I worked with ever again. Delete Facebook and all social media.
Genetic_Heretic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:15:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
buy an island in a safe and pleasant part of the pacific. renovate the shit out of it and get some sweet ass boats (and hoes) and guns. I guess with all that I would probably need to start a rap label too.
IguessthatsAname ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:15:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Explore space.
Japanste ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:15:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd exchange it into British pounds
MenudoMenudo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:15:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire a private army to try to stop whoever it was the accidentally gave me the money from getting it back. Fuck lawyers, with a trillion, you can write your own laws.
ethanasmith1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:15:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a house in golden oaks in Orlando and go to Disney all the time
SarahHasJuice ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:15:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I dont know. I dont think i will till it happens.
deaconblues99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:15:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Crash the US economy by giving it away.
cblrtopas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:15:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would call the bank and set up an appointment to set up an education fund. The money would be disbursed to local public schools and universities. My dream is to make schools so affluent so as to provide a boarding-school like atmosphere to all children. Parents would be relieved of the responsibility of actually raising their children but in order to attend the mother would have to get her tubes tied and show proof of the operation. The school would emphasize math, science and physical fitness.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:15:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A) Build the space elevator. ~$50,000,000,000
B) Build another space elevator. ~$30,000,000,000
D) ... and another. ~$20,000,000,000
C) Build a spaceport in geosynchronous orbit. ~$100,000,000,000
D) Build a massive nuclear powered spaceship. ~$50,000,000,000
E) Build Asteroid Belt mining fleet. ~$200,000,000,000
F) Crash a few thousand water rich asteroids into Mars. ~$10,000,000,000
F) Build Mars' space elevator. ~$50,000,000,000
G) Build Mars colony. ~100,000,000,000
Note: I'm only $610,000,000,000 in, and I economically control the solar system.
H) Invest in FTL technology research. ~$100,000,000,000
I) Set aside ~$280,000,000,000 rainy day fund.
J) Retire on luxury space yacht called the Arthur C. Clarke and cruise the solar system (or galaxy if H pays off). ~$10,000,000,000
MaddenMan73 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:15:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd pay off 1/20th of the US deficit.
TheB3stEv3r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:16:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Definitely skip class.
LebronMixSprite ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:16:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cut it right in half. 500 billion for the express purpose of making as much money as possible, for as long as possible, in a manner as sustainable as possible.
Then: the acquisition of every for-profit prison, investment in civil infrastructure across the United States, lobbying for gentler laws for petty crime, free primary and vocational education in impoverished areas, a private and free busing service in small and rural towns that don't have good public transportation, as much 100% free housing as possible, free clinics for as many basic medical necessities as possible and an avenue to free advanced care for those that need it, and food markets and grocery stores wherever I invest in housing. I wouldn't be out to have a traditional monopoly, or at least, not one that can be prosecuted: I wouldn't charge a dime for any of this. The original 500 billion is my own money, spent on things I'm giving away. There would probably have to be new laws made to stop me and by then, I'd have hopefully introduced a generation or two to a life without scarcity.
For me, personally, I'd get this tooth that's been hurting me taken care of, get new glasses, take care of my mother and friends, and go to an NBA game. I've never been.
voxdoom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:16:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sigh and relax.
Maybe untie this stress knot in my belly.
MeMyselfandBi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:16:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start an asteroid mining company and an AI research facility.
distinctiveinstinct ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:16:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably go back to sleep with the thought that I am dreaming!
b555 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:17:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate it to organizations which provide education for kids who are in need.
Actually, would create bank accounts in names of those kids with condition that this money can be only used for their education purposes, all expenses paid. Mostly would do that in the third world countries :)
jon_hobbit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:17:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy $1 trillion in solar and clAim it on my taxes.
Irs where my $1 trillion refund... No limit on how much you can put into solar lol
VipDude ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:17:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lurk r/personalfinance
BeazyDoesIt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:17:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Snooze until 12pm.
chumpsteak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:17:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep
newsteller786 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:17:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll distribute it to people who need money more than me. I have not earned them . So I don't have any right to keep them.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:17:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Immediately pay of my loans, my boyfriend's loans, my insurance for the year, and probably throw some money toward my loved ones, and then hire an accountant/attorney and put all the money in a LLC without my name on it, which would then pay me the money bi-weekly like a job for the rest of my life, so I wouldn't somehow blow it all.
Lezbderpy247 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:17:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay my tuition, give my parents some money for the house that's/still/ being built, buy paint supplies for gf, go back to South Africa and work with big cats. Help mom be able to pay for hip surgeries. Pay for dad's new hearing aids. Get a new computer.
JoanFoster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:17:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Assume that the government will come and take it.
Ejacksin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:17:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a small country and declare myself Empress
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:17:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd test the limits of Citizens United -- I'd pour so much money into corrupting the political system to my own personal beliefs that the courts would be forced to actually do something about the current laws. I would pour money it at every level, even to dog catchers.
Then with the remaining $950B, I'd give a big chunk to the Gates Foundation, as they have a lot of momentum, and I'd hire a bunch of my own people to try and come up with some new ideas that nobody is able to address.
PandaSenpaiii ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:18:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not be so paranoid that my job is being bought out by another company in two weeks.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:18:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Y'all should read One Trillion Dollar by Eschbach.
Explores that very scenario, with Eschbach's usual conspiracy in the background.
AdmiralHip ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:18:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Providing it was legit, pay off all my debt, set aside funds for my academic expenses, pay off my family's debt, put aside my rent and bills and food allowance, buy a new computer, and put the rest into an investment.
rushclay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:18:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy something expensive.
swat_teem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:18:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
get legal advice. Find out the taxable impact then invest it live off of the money ez
phantomism ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:18:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call my bank and tell them they fucked up. If it was legit buy some third world countries and try and help em out.
JollyJeff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:18:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd create a company with the only purpose being to give away the money. I'd hire all my friends to work there helping me to find people and causes to blow the money on.
I'd also have investigators to make sure that people or causes are valid. I would also make sure that no one could trace the money back to my company.
I would hire the best lobbyist to lobby for poor people and just to fuck with all rich assholes that are buying our government.
I'd hire a bunch former spies and give them a chance to redeem themselves by protecting people who are being harassed by "the man". Oh, they would protect me too.
I would have a shit load of lawyers to protect me from people wanting to sue my ass. These lawyers would also help with a little pet project, making the Koch brothers broke.
Freshanator86 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:18:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Step 1: Call Elon Musk Step 2: _____ Step 3: Profit
jessekeith ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:19:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy lots of gold and keep it somewhere safe.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:19:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Immediately form a militia of hired mercenaries and figure out the rest after I'm not at risk of being disappeared by Trump. That kind of untraceable money being confiscated would give the gov't a raging hard on. Everyone of his buddies could get paid and just quit. Or the amount of secret programs that could be funded by that kind of unaccountable money is terrifying. The US gov't would literally be the first threat to my life. And with $1trillion, you could form a larger army and weapons cache than most countries in the world. In fact, you could just pay most countries enough to fight on your side with the right "investments" to the right people. For instance, you could probably initiate WWIII by just paying the right Russians to go full cyber nuke against the US and bring down the entire economy with a little help from China.
Or I'd just kill myself knowing I can die the richest man alive and have my unimaginable wealth be withdrawn and hidden, starting the largest treasure hunt in modern history. But in reality, I faked my death and keep the money hidden with me just for laughs somewhere in Indonesia.
Or I can pay off 1/2 of my fiances student loans.
___cats___ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:19:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is basically asking "What will you do if you woke up and everything was free, but just for you?"
TerritoryTracks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:19:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Celebrate! I'd finally be able to buy a modest house in Sydney!
TheLadyOfWhatever ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:19:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, being a single mom in a mobility wheelchair I'd check to see if my old car could be fitted with a lift for my chair. If it couldn't I'd get a 2014 or so model vehicle that could, that way I can not be housebound. Than I'd take care of my family and make sure everyone is provided for and also set up everything needed for my daughter's future. Then I'd help out organizations and charitable programs.
RegrettableDeed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:19:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go right back to sleep and not wake up for anyone or anything if I don't want to.
JuanCarlosDanger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:19:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start looking for who mistakenly deposited it in my account.
alan7388p ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:19:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hide.
Gazzzah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:19:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Here in Sydney? I could afford to buy most of a standard house
Miss-Impossible ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:19:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First, I'd make sure everyone I care about is cared for. I don't want anyone that's part of my "family" ever having to worry about making ends meet.
Second, I'd quit my job, and travel the world with my SO and our son who is now a little over 4 months old. We probably won't be back before his 4th birthday.
Third, once we're back or have decided on where to settle, I'd buy us a home built from scratch. With an indoor and outdoor pool, beautiful garden, sauna/hammam room, home cinema, a concert piano/music room/recording studio, a library, and maybe even an underground club. Each our own car, and maybe even a boat. Summers in the Netherlands are unpredictable but when the sun is out EVERYONE is at or on the water.
Fourth, I'd hire a chef, a cleaner, a gardner and a personal trainer and make sure they are all well paid and well treated. I'd have a personal shopper upgrade all of our wardrobes (and then some). I can't even remember the last time I owned more than one pair of shoes. Currently on my third pair of new soles on these boots.
Fifth, I would spend a lot of time and lots of money on improving my skills and buying supplies for my hobby, which is makeup/hair/sfx. I will buy every single product every single A-brand has to offer. OMG... Can you imagine? Walking into a Mac store and saying: "yeah just give me one of each product you're currently selling. Yes. Every single product. There's a van waiting outside to load up." And then I'd devote my time to doing makeup and sfx. For no money, since I don't need it.
Sixth, I'd invest time in getting better at photography, maybe even build myself a small studio next to my workspace for makeup/sfx. So I can take pictures of what I create and share it with the world.
Seventh, by now I've probably still only spent just a fraction of my money. I will look into charity work and try and make the world a better place. I'm not a big fan of just giving to the big charities, because most of the money doesn't end up where it should go. Probably start a few of my own initiatives. Might be super naive and not well thought out, but it's the thought that counts. How I'm exactly going to do it is still to be debated ๐
This is everything I could come up with off the top of my head.
WowzerzzWow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:19:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep. For about a month straight. Then decide how to invest it properly.
continuousBaBa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:19:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lobby congress to do the opposite of what the other lobbyists want them to do.
nexus32897 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:19:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy my brother and I a Tesla
kraynoel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take the largest dump on my bosses desk. Then buy a plane ticket to California and proceed to take the second largest dump on my landlords front door. A lot of dumps really, then I'll enjoy the trillion.
Interrobangersnmash ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit school, quit my job, move to privately owned island paradise.
StrawberryPorkchop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably wake up and ask reddit what it thinks I should do...
yoyo2212 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Personally, Id start by using it to pay my student loans, and then keep using it to pay for the rest of my college time. Even with a great amount of money, I'd still want to go to school, get an education, and work. No way could I sit around and do nothing all day!
tmurg375 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest in renewables to push the energy market further from fossil fuels and fuck with Trumps plans to hang on to a dying era.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Immediately and indefinitely fund 100% of the Planned Parenthood budget the feds currently contribute.
Eitamaya ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would pay my bills and fill up my tank
Thekillersofficial ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Like, how did I wake up with it? On top of me? Because I'd probably die
fromthecanada ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fund a fertility clinic that would only use my DNA to create kids. Would pay the mothers 1 mil each to sign a agreement that they take all parental rights and I'm not to be involved. Laugh as the world is populated by 1 million of my offspring making me the modern day Genghis Khan but without the bloodshed.
sassage_flare ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy out Russia
jbrown5217 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would start an indie video game studio. It has always been a dream of mine to work in the industry, but life happens.
boogsley ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a Ducati Desmosedici D16RR NCR M16 motorcycle. buy a zeppelin and outfit it like a personal cruise ship. pay off my friends' debts, take a trip around the world (or a few trips around the world). probably lots of drugs would be involved, lots of awesome restaurants/amazing food, then end up OD'ing on something random/fun or in a rock climbing/motorcycle accident. somewhere in there, maybe build a space station and stay up in orbit for a couple months.
Oh, and I'd have my tonsils taken out. They've been hurting a lot lately.
inkblot888 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate 45% to Gary Johnson and 45% to Elizabeth Warren on the condition that they each run for president in 2020 as a libertarian and a socialist respectively.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd put 1/3 in a bank account for my daughter, 1/3 in a bank account for my son, and keep the rest.
JustAnotherAaron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go out and buy Apple and Samsung. 'Plays fusion card'
New companies name... Appsung
thenakedfish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:21:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Figure out where all Trumps money is, which won't be hard considering his "blind trust" is his son-in-law. Spend the next few years fucking with any of the successful business he currently holds and destroy their families wealtg as much as I can. It's not against the law to run competing business with a presidents, though who would know? It is in a "blind trust" :3
immikejones369 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:21:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing. I would do nothing all day everyday.
FriesWithThatBtch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:21:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
find the jade monkey....
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:21:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Assume it's a mistake and transfer as much as I can to friends, family and organizations I believe in:
and presumably some kickstarters.
I'd try and stash some away in crypto currencies. Most likely a substantial amount will go into property (or even an island) in order to start working on some ideas I have. With that amount of money, a company will surely spring up there.
Hopefully a substantial amount of the money will have been spread out and diversified before they notice their bookkeeping mistake.
nobody2000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:21:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd fuck it up.
Assuming the money was legit and I could keep it, I would plunge into a severe paranoia and depression. I have something to lose now, but if I was $1 Trillion richer, I'd have the feeling that I had so much more to lose.
There would be a target on my back. If I, or my driver, or anyone affiliated with me does something to piss someone off, I'm going to be targeted. There will literally be Billion Dollar Lawsuits over fender benders.
Family would become incredibly annoying. I have good family and bad family. The good family can get all the money they need, but I know they'd never ask; the bad family are all scumbags who never talk to me (thankfully). Once they find out, they will find a way to relentlessly harass me for "their share."
Dying. If I died, that fortune would be useless to me. I'd be terrified of a plane crash or something that I'd probably live in a fortress. Quite the catch-22: Have so much money you can do anything, but too afraid of fucking it up to actually do it.
Smapdy0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:21:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ruin the world economy with massive inflation.
Decyde ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:22:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's about, sending a message.
Jslater656 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:22:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cry. Happy cry.
The_Fun_Sized ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:22:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest it in renewable energy and agriculture development. Once the earth was able to produce enough food for all its inhabitants to eat as much as they want, build a space elevator and put the rest into space travel. Did I hit 1 trillion yet?
ToastedBear_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:22:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What any smart sane person would do. Spend it all on hookers and blow.
Anon187 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:22:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would pay someone to kidnap Donald Trump and throw I. A steaming pile of dog shit
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:22:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Open a car company called Edison makeing cheap electric cars with GE electric motors
Start building the most beautiful skyscraper in the world in Milwaukee, taller then the Chrysler building.
Start a electric company that makes and sells cheap and easy green energy stuff ( solar panels, windmills, ECA) and try to convert Wisconsin energy from coal to more sustainable sources.
Build an army to take back the UP
Start a cruise line that goes up and down Wisconsins coast but can also be a commute for some people.
Find a sleepy town along lake Michigan and build a big Victorian style house on the coast with a private beach and a big garage. Get my corrado fixed, and buy a cigar boat and a sailboat. Along with whatever Cessna my girlfriend wants. Buy my parents a house nearby and her parents a house a bit further away.
apococlock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:22:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job and play Zelda until my eyes melt out of my skull.
sirAFKalot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:23:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I dont need all that, a 500k will be fine for me
Math_Blaster_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:23:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honest question, could we put humans on Mars for that sum?
Could I make a permanent moon base for that sum?
Could I capture asteroids and either mine them for wealth, and possibly hold earth random with my city sized kinetic weapons?
How many would I need to collect and position to permanently blot out the sun?
Just a hypothetical is all.
Ddosvulcan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:23:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would definitely work on lowering and/or eliminating the cost of higher education in America, this shit is getting ridiculous. The interest rates on private loans especially, are fucking robbery. After I paid off my own mountain of loans that is...
iSo_Cold ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:23:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Walk into the White House and talk public healthcare with my money with Trump and his flunkies. Then make sure everyone in America could get at least a little healthcare on my dime.
Red_Tricks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:23:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy our government however I'd have to.
Lobby, buy out politicians, since everyone knows the majority of them are for sale.
Newbert101 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:23:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get better internet. 6mbps isn't cutting it.
Amazingawesomator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:23:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Use my second wish....
esahc161 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:23:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would probably buy a Tesla and end on the freeway in a fiery blaze of glory. Would be a interesting cash grab game scene.
halfwaytosomewhere ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:23:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build a hospital
Set up a scholarship or something to help pay off other peoples student loans
Travel, throw massive parties
Start a restaurant
Build a house
Rub it in a few enemies faces
Get a pet raccoon
Learn to work with metal
Get really tan
Workout a lot
Try to entice Dave Chappelle into doing his show again
Get married
Do a lot of fishing
Try my hand at acting
Move someplace warm
Drop a lot of acid
Charity work
Become an architect
Fix up an old boat
Mow the lawn
IDontGiveAFuckDude ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:23:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put it all in AyyMD.
kijour ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:23:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep :)
LambastingFrog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:23:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Set up a trust fund, to anonymize where donations are coming from. Use this to start donating money to charities, basically as I hear about them and don't disagree with their stated aims.
I'd probably also pay off house loans for some people I know, and then start buying up foreclosed houses and give them to homeless people in exchange for them holding down a job - any job - for a year. During that year they get to live there rent free, and with the first quarter's bills paid for. Hopefully, this will help some people get back on their feet.
Then I'd probably start buying toys for myself.
I would probably still go to work, I just might tail it off a bit.
rathemighty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:23:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my family's mortgages, then probably set aside 10 million dollars for a video game, and use the remainder on a life sized replica of the Thousand Sunny, complete with everything it has in the series that's physically possible
materisna ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:23:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy myself more money!!
BabbMrBabb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:24:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is a visual of what we're dealing with here. Holy shit.
$1,000,000,000,000 in cash
T_to_the_Rob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:24:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd send a letter to every address in the United States every Monday, containing a Jaden Smith quote, so people would maybe stop and say "huh.. I guess my life isn't so bad".
I'd be the guy who cured Mondays.
Dunebot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:24:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
spend it all in an attempt to create something, such as a a vertical farm in every city. allowing everyone to have everything they need for free (in this case food). then move on to the other things that should be a basic human right (food, water, home/security, warmth, freedom (money or lack of
dependency onmoney)) and so on....because i signed no clause upon my birth saying i need to pay for it.
cool_side_of_pillow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:24:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Try and stop Koch Industries from spreading their ruinous influence.
Centurion00 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:24:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tithe to God by supporting my church.
tempurasama ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:24:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wonder what I and my soon to be ex-wife are gonna do with our 500 billion dollars
Ctrlaltdelm8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:24:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably strippers and cocaine
dualityofmanbearpig ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:24:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Blow it all on nuclear fusion and carbon sequestering r&d.
NHMasshole ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:25:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In all honesty, rebuild every shitty neighborhood and their schools as I could. It would take time, but it would immediately created a less crime ridden city. If you help eliminate the poor or at least help them out with several programs. Fix the broken windows, if you understand that theory.
Or I dunno...save all the bees and pay off my student loans.
RandomUsername416 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:25:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy all that stuff that I've been wanting for ages
MDKAOD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:25:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest in a retirement account so I don't have to work until I die.
porradavfr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:25:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd pay for everything, I mean everything with those huge sweepstakes checks. Gum. Soda. Lunch. All of it.
Mrminecrafthimself ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:25:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Keep enough for myself to be able to get a couple of PhDs and then to live off of for the rest of my life.
I'd give a couple million to each of my immediate family members. I'd pay off my parents' and sister's debts.
I'd give a couple million to my closest friends.
The rest I'd use to invest in charitable nonprofits. I'd also donate to hospitals, research, and charities.
kodeman66 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:25:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start buying politicians.
I'd try to start moving the country forward from a Koch brothers-esque position while simultaneously pissing off the rest of the 1%.
ICEMANdrake214 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:25:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well assuming it's from a super loaded relative that I've never heard about dying, I'd buy lots of stuff. I'd pay off my college loans, I'd buy life insurance and health insurance, I would have a house built with house insurance for every disaster under the sun, a Shelby GT350R, a Marshal 1960A cab, a Marshal JCM800, a shit load of guitars, and a Steinway Grand Piano for my girlfriend, and I'd get a few guns with a nice gun safe.
The rest would be put into a savings while some would be invested into stocks and my own traveling escapades. Hell I might even fund some deep ocean trip for scientist and then I'd make it into a movie.
virtiualj2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:25:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well I'm deployed so I'd say I'd walk into the chow hall, go up to the front of the omelet line, pay the first guy 1000$ to let me cut in front of him so I didn't have to wait for my scramble.
xojc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:26:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would invest half of it in low risk mutual funds and then take the other half over to my friend Asadulah who works in securities...
lordover123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:26:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably worry about inflation
kevinballa33 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:26:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Immediately fly home and tell my parents to pick 2-3 houses that look nice, tell them they're paid for, and give each of my parents as well as my brother $5B.
Back to work...
memeticengineering ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:26:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy an NBA team and move it to Seattle. Start a spacex type competition to solve problems I think are important with ludicrous levels of prize money. Become a "___" Barron out of whatever industry I choose.
cowardlylion1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:26:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job and work some where meaningful would be step 1.
mmmaibo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:26:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Attach giant rocket engines onto planet Earth, and move to another galaxy.
claimsreddit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:26:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldn't tell anybody besides my wife. I would pay off our debt.
I would pay off all my friends'/family's debt discretely. For friends, it would be limited to those who have contacted me in the past 90 days for something other than a favor.
I would set up a website where people submit their student loans and give me a reason why I should pay it off for them. I would go through and pay off for people I think deserve it, or hire a group of people to do that. I would then set up the ability for people to donate so that more people can get their loans paid for.
I would buy the biggest high-rise in my city and allow the homeless in the city to live there, but require them to stay sober and look for work. I would buy them clothes for interviews, and hire staff to teach them work skills.
I would invest a ton in startups that I find interesting.
whalesmiley ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:26:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
$400bn would go to climate research grants and companies that are doing R&D on green technology.
$400bn would go into medical research grants.
$1bn each to dozens of nonprofits and charity organizations. ACLU, Planned Parenthood, Lambda Legal, Doctors Without Borders and many more.
And then convert the rest into fake gold coins for a Scrooge McDuck-style money bin.
kylehe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:27:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start a small (large?) business where I get the Earth on 100% renewable energy. Spend about 100 billion on space missions: some will go to probes landing on Europa, some will go to more advanced telescopes, some will go to colonization of the moon. Start a research firm where I take plants and GE them to survive harsher temperatures, so I can grow some fucking oranges outside in the winter.
notapantsday ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:27:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spend it, then go back to work on Monday.
abkibaarnsit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:27:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Snapchat. Shut it down. Same with Facebook
Kadenece ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:27:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would go on reddit and ask others what they would do if they woke up with 1 trillion dollars tomorrow.
DolphinsWithLasers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:28:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep.
UndercookedPizza ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:28:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Be disappointed I'm no longer in the Tres Comas club.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:28:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd give 80% of it to researching cures and treatments for cancer, set up a giant dog rescue facility to rival the rspca then keep maybe 10m for myself
Oh and buy a ticket to space off of elon
That or maybe buy Facebook and destroy it
SphericalCrusher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:29:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Find out how to launder it immediately.
PigeonsOnYourBalcony ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:29:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So much financial irresponsible stuff. I wouldn't invest a single dime, I'd just live off it and never check the balance in my account.
InsideOutVoices ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:29:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd burn it all, because the best things in life are free. Then I would cry.
Xhuly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:29:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hookers and cocain
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:29:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rent Liechtenstein for 40,000 years.
InternetBull ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:30:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck up the US economy
Fett2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:30:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The same thing we do every night Pinky, try to get as drunk as possible.
Isaywhatiwannasay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:30:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd finally play those free to play games on the AppStore and buy those rediculous bags of Gems and gold coins to unlock content.
BlockAlien ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:31:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why am I in Zimbabwe.
GrumpyKitten1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:31:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would talk to a financial advisor about how much I'd need to invest to provide an income that would pay for my meds + physio on top of regular expenses (one is approx $2k/mo, my insurance covers 80% but I lose the insurance when I quit my job). I would set aside about $10 mil for the new house, car and traveling (with a regular income from the investments I figured that would be enough to cover any incidental expenses that turn up). I'd give each member of my family and all my close friends a mil each. Then I'd start looking for charities, maybe even start my own. I've got to think you could do some serious good in the world with that kind of money, I don't know how many times I've heard something totally fucked up and not been able to do anything to help. I'd really like to open an cat shelter for fiv+ kitties.
hwarming ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:31:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate a good portion of it to multiple charities, give my parents a good amount, move to a Scandinavian country, maybe buy one of those custom built BMWS
Ihave2ananas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:31:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd withdraw it all and watch the Bank System collapse
DirtyDan413 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:31:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I could probably afford to pay everyone's college tuition but that would just make colleges raise costs cause they're all greedy mofos. I'd probably try and reform the education system at least.
PolybiusNightmare ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:31:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build a cloud city on Venus then maybe stop in at the Sizzler and get some grub.
Zandodak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:32:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go grocery shopping.
Bigdanick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:32:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy every seat at the Jersey Boys and not show up
theonlyredditaccount ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:32:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Get out of my bed"
Paroxysm111 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:32:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First I would pay off all my debts, and my parents debts. Then I'd go get an estates manager and a lawyer. I would move to another city and buy my dream home, and have my financial manager start investing the money wisely so that it will continue to produce more.
From that point on I think I would take a que from Bill Gates and go the philanthropist route.
nickwashere ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:33:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I could have things my way? Quit my job, volunteer for something I enjoy instead to pass time. Buy endless amounts of everything. Travel a lot. Donate some to charity to save lives.
Komquaaa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:33:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I was in the US, I would go to the doctor and give my last dollar to some homeless person
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:33:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give about 95% of it away, immediately. Family, friends, good causes.
Mikes_friend_Tyler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:33:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Find a way to gamble with $1BILLION chips just to gamble a few bil
platinumsombro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:33:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would need somewhere to store this money, because under the crazy scenario that I have a trillion dollars, I won't be able to store it in banks, as this sole despising would multiply any of their total cash flows. Further, if I have a trillion dollars, this most likely won't by the government, so it is largely unrecognized currency in circulation, so putting it in a bank could trigger an abrupt increase in money supply and potentially trigger accelerated inflation rates.
Instead of a bank, I would now need a physical structure to store this cash. Given that a 10,000 dollar stack is 6"x2.5"x.43", a cubic foot block of cash would be worth approximately 2.79 million. Given this, I will need approximately 358,400 cubic feet of space to be able to store the trillion dollars. Given that the average warehouse is 25 feet tall, I will be able to comfortably stack the cash 20 feet tall, this means I will need at least 18,000 sq feet of warehouse space, and that's not even accounting for the necessary pathways in the cash for forklifts to get through.
However, having a warehouse full of cash simply isn't flaunting the fact that I have my miraculous wealth, so I will opt for a different option. Given that the average person is 6 cubic feet (~6'x8"x18"), and only half of a person sits in a stadium seat, I will buy Wembley stadium and put 3 cubic feet of cash in every seat in the stadium, and the pit the remaining 90,000 cubic of feet spread out throughout the pitch. Given that the pitch is 345x225 ft, this means I would spread a foot tall layer of cash over the entire field.
TL;DR: I don't trust banks with a million dollars, so I would buy Wembley Stadium just to store my cash in.
--hypnos-- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:33:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No one said they'd pay for everyone else's college and medical care? Weird....
kaplanfx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:34:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know what I would do if I had a trillion dollars? I would invest half of it in low risk mutual funds and then take the other half over to my friend Asadulah who works in securities...
Wraeclast_Exile ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:34:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get my own team together to get onto the cutting edge of AI... not because I want to make more money, but because I want full AI, immortality and to get off this rock.
..AI will get us there.
HiDDENKiLLZ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:34:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sorts High to Low
Nirai90 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:34:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Found a Company called "Wayne tec", get back to sleep again and hope to wake up as batman.
Tourettes_Fetish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:35:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would spend everyday going out and leaving 10k tips at restaurants and just surprising random strangers with gifts like that, the look on their faces would be priceless
theverity ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:35:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get out of bed and go to school
jayman760 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:35:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the New England Patriots, then fire Belichick and release Tom Brady.
Syflan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:35:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd feel extremely overwhelmed. It would be more of a burden than anything. If I could have 1 trillion that would mean I'd be taking 1%+ of the worlds wealth or just inflating currency. If it was magically possible, I'd invest my life in making the world a better place, and certainly stopping global warming.
Chadandrsn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:35:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fix America.
getyouatoe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:35:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
3 chicks at the same time.
Jerzeydevil17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:35:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spend a million before lunch, right after I abandon everything I don't love. I might shop in a robe, poppin tags. On my way out the door.
Domenicoh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:36:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lay in bed til noon
lillbich ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:36:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bunch of hookers and cocaine
Endulos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:36:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
After all of the obvious stuff, I'd use the money to fuck with people on the internet.
I would donate a massive amount of money to various things I've been reading for years. (Like webcomics)
Just to see the authors freak out at suddenly getting $50,000 a month from their patreon.
ProfessorFog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:36:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my student loans. Get a jr. chicken with the remainder
gordonfroman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:36:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would walk away from everyone and everything I have ever known and live out the life I have always dreamed of living, w Driving down the California coast with the breeze of the pacific on my face,for walking along the cliffs of Dover on a rainy day.
Smolame ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:37:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Turn my alarm off and go back to sleep because I sure ain't going to work.
Qikdraw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:38:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off Canada's debt.
Buy one of the big three telecos and start a massive infrastructure project to give every Canadian fast high speed internet and cell coverage, then drop the prices very low so the other two telecos are fucked.
Start a company that has a massive amount of scientists and engineers and put a shit ton into R&D. Constantly grab the top students from around the world. Developing the flying car would be a priority.
Relax on an island I would buy in the caribbean.
GoochThunder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:38:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the Redskins
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:38:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A really fast car
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:39:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably smile and go back to sleep seeing as I don't really need to worry about money anymore.
stiicky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:39:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldnt tell anyone exactly how much money I have, once you start advertising/bragging that you have a trillion dollars thats when people start coming out of the woodwork asking for handouts
staticsnake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:39:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Considering that scenario almost certainly would have caused or been the result of some kind of massive crash/devaluation, I'd probably assume it was either a false alarm, or it was worthless (a la 1920s Germany).
daredaki-sama ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:40:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lawyer/accountant up. Then I can do whatever the fuck I want. I want to waste billions of dollars fighting frivolous lawsuits VS big corporations for the principle of the matter. Fight the fights that the little guys can't win; just do it because I can.
That money will grant me the power to stand up for my principles. I want the power to force others to acknowledge the truth.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:40:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a hella powerful gaming pc
Darkstrategy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:41:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire an economist, a lawyer, a financial advisor, and an accountant. The economist to figure out how to use this money without crashing the global economy. The lawyer to make sure I don't make any legal missteps and secure everything. A financial adviser to tell me what to do with the money for maximum efficiency. And an accountant to keep track of all the money.
Then I'd probably set aside maybe 500 million for myself, friends, and family. The rest I'd trickle out in appropriate amounts to causes I think are important.
ATurtleStampede ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:41:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tweet at Trump "I'm richer than you, I win, you lose." Then laugh as he flips out and gives himself a heart attack.
TheToug ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:41:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably buy drugs. Then some soda.
In that order.
Sockmonkey2878 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:41:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably go back to sleep to be honest.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:41:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a penthouse in the city so I don't have a 1 1/2 hour commute to uni, and continue my degree. Probably wouldn't even tell my s.o just that the house was an inheritance.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:41:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I want to be like De Niro's character in Goodfella's and start stuffing 100 dollar bills in people's shirtpockets for no reason. I would also fulfill a daydream of ordering a $15 meal from Texas Roadhouse and then tipping my waitress with $500.
bigbear1293 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:41:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spend most of it trying to build an AI like The Machine from Person of Interest. A: for my love of Sci-Fi and B: because as this "Vault 7" leak proves electronic surveillance is extensive and omnipresent. I'd rather something that isn't going to judge me for my tastes in porn than actual people.
RGTWD69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:41:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Idk ....probaly go yay...and go back to sleep
robstrosity ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:43:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well I wouldn't go to fucking work
serenity4thetortuga ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:43:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think I would get up, make my coffee, have breakfast in the deli I go to all the time, go to work, workout, back to work, think about what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. You need physical, emotional, and mental health so I would make sure and incorporate all of the above into my plan. I'd probably research reputable financial advisers and figure out if I need to move money around to make sure it's all insured, etc.
I would most definitely pay off my debts, buy a decent house in a decent neighborhood, put my kid in private school. I would be tempted not to tell ANYONE, not even my family because it would mess them up. I don't want my kid to grow up to be a bratty teenager, so can't let him think he's rich. I probably wouldn't tell my parents or siblings either because I'm sure it would just create all sorts of issues.
Romulet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:44:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Clear all debts, set myself up for life, and then probably burn the rest of the money on hit contracts or lobbying - whichever got my political ideas through cheaper.
supra2jzgte ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:44:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a house
gunsteala ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:44:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
give every person in the world $100
serosis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:17:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You'd still have roughly $251,035,979,600.
What do you do with the $250 billion that's left?
gunsteala ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:16:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
world lottery
winner gets the rest
TheMikial ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:44:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Become the Batman
Chimel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:44:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fullfill all Gift of Games requests.
0utlook ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:44:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take a vacation.
Ladimir_Wewtin69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:45:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build the wall
Shaosil ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:45:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably put it into several savings accounts, buy a dream house, quit my job, and live simply, day by day. Not a big dreamer. I'd be really content just doing whatever I felt like at the time.
DastardlyLoon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:45:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
. Bah someone beat me to it.
a-big-pink-fat-TREX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:45:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pass the next three hours realizing wtf just happened
baldsauce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:46:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to the movie theatre
spockspeare ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:46:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[Classified]
YerdleTheManWhore ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:46:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Strippers and cocaine, obviously...
nateofallnates ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:46:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a sander to sand my deck.
Iamfrontosa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:46:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Car, buy a car.
chuckinalicious543 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:46:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy every console I don't have yet/want, all the best games for each, a decent car, a decent house, a really good gaming pc, and the rest would go to savings for an early retirement
redhatGizmo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:46:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For comparison this is what 1 trillion will look like.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:46:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably buy a car so I can start exploring Atlanta more. I've lived here three years and for the most part only seen what I can run to!
pieman7414 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:47:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
give it to everyone and deflate the value of the US dollar which would plunge the world into a recession of some sort when the staple currency becomes worth less than dirt
LeonardoSM ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:47:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy A PSN gift card for myself. I'm a simple man.
Bshep416 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:47:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy 296 million supply drops
kshao147 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:48:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ready up for my presidential candidacy for 2020.
cobrajet1085 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:48:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd rub one out, shit, shower, shave, and dress myself. Have a good breakfast. Then get down to the nitty gritty of taking over the world.
CorpRK ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:48:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give ~3k to every man, woman, and child in the US, then wait patiently for the country to magically get better through redistribution of wealth.
ElNani87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:48:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 chicks at the same time .....
rocknroyce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:48:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spend it!
KuntaKingTay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:48:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make a stripper very happy with a trillion 1$ rain
artificialMuse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:49:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call bill gates for dinner....
crimsonazuresun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:49:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put in two weeks notice at my job, help train someone to take over my position, then leave my job. I don't mind my job, but it is physically demanding and it's hard to keep up when you're arthritic and overweight. (I'm in the process of losing weight - down 50 pounds so far!) I'd also pay off my mortgage, my student loans, my husband's car loan, finish school, pay off my parent's house, give money to my family (biological and in-laws), set up a college fund for my nieces, do some house renovations, then not worry about money for the rest of my life.
eddmario ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:50:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd call the bank and let then know immediately. For all I know it could be a bank error or something illegal, and I could get fucked if I try to spend it.
Jrn77 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:50:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
davidwalsh10920 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:50:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Destabilize the food markets in the USA
leredditor13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:50:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Id first invest almost all of it. Retain maybe 1 million. Id fix up my car how i want, cut hours at work to focus on school, open a mechanic/performance shop and use it to help high school students who want to learn about cars and are passionate about it, and also who are less fortunate and need a cheap car that runs good and teach them to be able to maintain it. Id want to use alot of it giving back. Id never use that much money so id rather someone who needs it get some. As long as they show drive and actual determination. Nothing is free.
1971240zgt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:50:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Either industrialize africa and become undisputed leader. or north korea. Somebodies gotta do it.
mastersword83 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:51:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably just buy a relatively modest house (for how much I have, I mean), and not work for the rest of my life, travelling around and smoking a lot of weed.
Hopefulforsomething5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:51:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Change every bit if it into gold and then bury it in my back yard
asusguy17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:51:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Finally pay my old man the money I owe him from when I was trying to get back on my feet. Then pay off his mortgage and buy him his dream car, a 1966 Camero SS (he had one years ago but it got totalled in an unfortunate accident )
KnightOfCamelot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:52:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1) get an accountant
2) buy houses in Alta, UT; Crested Butte, CO; Gardnerville, NV; London, UK; Courchevelle, FR; and Austrian location TBD, probably near St. Anton - this is just for starters, gotta have a place near the best snow at all times during N. Hemisphere winter.
3) build runway and helipad at gardnerville house
4) buy small jet capable of transatlantic flight
5) hook the family up with some goodies
6) buy Vail Resorts, and give independence to all the ski resorts that have been swallowed up, but maintain financial backing
7) find part-time job with non-profit organization to do fundraising
8) marry emma watson
9) be killed by some jealous prick.
poloport ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:53:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What's the next step of my master plan? Crashing this economy, with no survivors.
Iambbuzz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:53:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep
dizzykitty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:53:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hit snooze on my alarm.
lalorobot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:53:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start development on a Metal Gear.
Galt42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:53:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Convert that shit to gold, silver, platinum, stocks, land... Anything but money before the currency crashes from the sudden appearance of a trillion dollars.
Asklepios24 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:54:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a multi thousand acre ranch in Montana/Wyoming, cultivate the land to sustain all sorts of wildlife and turn it into a guided hunting lodge, have guides run it.
Go to Japan and start a multi site cat-ski company, most of this ground work is already in the works, tell my brother to quit his job to run cat-ski program.
Buy my sister a house and give her enough money to help her, pay off my other family's debt.
Buy a nice house in Japan as well so I can split board whenever I want.
whatame55 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:54:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1.) Call the 2 people I could trust with large amounts of money to split the pile into 3
2.) Buy 3-10 chauffeuring companies to take my friends and I on a split road trip to move on to step 3. Meanwhile all of my cars that are not carrying me or my friends will not pick up fares and will instead pretend they have people in them if dispatch asks, and will drive to any random destination they'd like on the (my) companies' dime(s?). They can go visit the grand canyon if they want for all I care. They'll be promised a sizable cash bonus as well. I buy multiple chauffeuring companies to make it nearly impossible to track which cars my friends and I are in.
3.) Using my pals I'd then convert $950 billion cash into diamonds, rubies, emeralds and any other weight and space efficient method of moving physical value I can find.
4.) Use at least $2 billion cash to buy properties and decoy properties to disperse (hide) my cash among. I'll pay double asking price in cash on the spot to the agents who'll then write down fake ownership information
5.) Hire a literal army of lawyers (preferably with quality combat training) with $46 billion cash to fight the various governments that are now on my case about this missing trillion dollars. And the suits against me for filing fraudulent documents when I bought all of that real estate
6.) Use $1 billion to hire an army of accountants that will help me digitize the money without it being tracked. If they can't accomplish this I'll have to wait for my lawyers to win my many, many court cases
Note: I left a bit of flex money (I don't think 3 chauffeuring companies would cost $1 billion) up above to help us in case we get pulled over by police, want a sloppy joe on the way, or need anything else
7.) Now that I've waited for my money to actually be in my possession, I need to spend it somehow. I'll give the Bill and Melinda Gates foundation a few hundred billion, because they know much better than I do how to handle absurd amounts of money and won't likely be corrupt by a massive influx of cash. I'll save maybe $30 billion for me and both of the friends that helped me protect my cash. The rest will now be invested in various science and tech fields that seem promising. Clean, renewable energy will be funded enough to out-compete oil and such. I'll work with Bill Gates (if he'd work with me) to start up an utterly massive feed the world charity that directly moves food to the less fortunate without requiring government resources. I hope that once the network is in place it'll be significantly cheaper to feed everyone, so that this particular project would be sustainable in the long term. And of course medical research gets a nice chunk of change too [especially genetic research :) ].
And I still have a bunch of cash to work with. Seriously how do you personally spend that much money?
EDIT: I can't believe I forgot one of my biggest interests! I'd also donate a significant amount of money getting trained in programming, then buying massive amounts of hardware to become a real life Harold Finch. Minus ICE-9 and Samaritan and my favorite characters of a TV show dying and whatnot :P
PM_Me_Unpierced_Ears ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:54:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd definitely go pee.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:55:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep
Alybob89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:55:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my gosh. I would scream...panic...and if it was legit meant for me, I'd search for properties in every damn country in the world and buy one in each, so my son and I could go away wherever we wanted in his school hols. If I wasnt a parent, then I'd fill a backpack and off the fuck I would go and travel the damn world. And figure out the rest later.
fitznewms ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:55:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quietly pay off all debt, pay off friends/family debt, continue to go to work and negotiate a part time schedule, fix my house, have kids, buy a cabin, travel, in that order.
10before15 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:56:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 girls at one time.
sour636 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:56:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to the movies
slysage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:56:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll buy Reddit and bar people from making posts about impossible hypothetical situations.
BlueTruckCoffee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:56:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call the dod and see if they screwed up my retirement pay
djustinblake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:56:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One way plane tickets for the rest of my life. Along with some significant donations. Planned parenthood being at the top of my list.
mooseman72 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:57:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time, man!
abadmudder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:57:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You mean besides two chicks at the same time?
at05gt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:57:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest in a cure for dementia and alzheimers so my grandfather someday remembers who his family is, and maybe we could talk about building hotrods again.
DPS2004 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:57:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the switch
Popsmcgee63 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:57:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same thing i try to do most days. Stop at bass pro and then go fishing. Might have a few more toys when i leave bass pro though
flufflywafflepuzzle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:57:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off all mine and my familys debt
Quit my job
Travel
Buy a house in a remote area. Have 1 GBit fiber installed and browse the internet till i died
Mule2go ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:57:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cartwheels
Ispreckin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:58:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest. Ruin the economy by trying to eliminate poverty. Buy Donald Trump, just keep him as a pet, and set his wife free.
richyhx1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:58:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed for once
Brenkin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:58:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Delete all social media.
Buy an expensive camera. Travel the world, and take some of the most amazing videos ever seen.
Gotta start small, right?
syryquil ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:59:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy all the Snapchat stocks
theangrylobster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:59:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have a panic attack.
jamesensor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:59:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a shit-ton of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese.
igotabigbooty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:00:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy a burrito.
Sax45 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:00:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy a 51% share in Apple, a 51% share in Google, and a 51% share in Microsoft. Then I'd immortalize myself by making the biggest charitable donation of all time, at $69 billion. I would somehow find a way to get by on the remaining $1.9 billion (and the $10-$20 billion per year in dividends).
cloudmerchant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:00:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my god, I'd just give money away.
Like, I'd sit in a room 9-5 like a normal job, and have people just come to me with their bills, or business proposals, or requests for intervention when their mortgage is too much for them, or a super creative request for something as simple as a vacation, or funds to immigrate to North America from some shitty country, and I'd just fucking write cheques all day.
Can you imagine how great you'd feel every day, being able to help people so significantly?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:01:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit work and just do school. Buy my father a '65 Mustang. Give a billion dollars to my sister and her husband. And also a billion to my parents.
Sir_Garrick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:01:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Throw everything into public education to teach grammar and tenses to redditors.
FTEcho4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:01:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First: I'm gonna owes some taxes. I'll put 600 billion aside for that. I've got 400 billion left.
ASAP, I'm going to meet with legal advice to see what the best way to transfer incredibly large amounts of money is. I don't think a bank is just going to be okay with me giving away enormous sums of money, and more importantly, I don't want to be famous as the guy who suddenly got a trillion dollars, so all my transfers need to be done through some third party who will be very well paid.
In secret, I'd meet with my nuclear family and my grandparents. I'd split 200 billion into six parts, and give 33 to each set of grandparents, 33 to my sister, 33 to my brother, and 34 each to my mother and father. None of them is going to blow through it or spend it in stupid ways. They may spend it on things I don't agree with, but they're family, and I don't need 400 billion.
I'd give a billion to my fiancee's family. I don't like them as much, but they can get by with a billion, and they are paying for our wedding soon, so fair is fair.
I now have 199 billion dollars. Obviously now I need financial advice, which should cost me a functionally negligible amount of money. I want to invest 100 billion of it. This is my living money, so I'm investing this safely. Banks, stable companies, slow growth stuff. I still have this money, but this is now my income source, so I don't use anything other than the dividends (and even that only when the investments are still worth at least 100 billion).
99 billion left. I've taken care of everyone I care about except myself. Take a billion, buy a large home. Not a mansion; I don't want people to know I'm unfathomably wealthy. Just a house large enough for all the stuff I want. It won't take a billion, obviously, but I'm buying everything top of the line, and also paying for maintenance staff for basically the rest of my life. I'm buying the best computers in the world, outfitting the house with all the best tech, filling a huge library with whatever my fiancee wants (she's a writer and an avid reader), buying nice cars (though nothing ostentatious), and so on. And obviously this house is going to need top of the line security, so that comes out of the billion too.
I've got 98 billion left. 4 billion goes in bank accounts for me and my fiancee. This is our walking-around money. I'm not a splurger, and I have a ridiculous income from my investments, so that should be plenty. If she somehow burns through hers, we're going to need to have a talk.
I'll get a will written, too. I don't want anyone fighting over my ludicrous wealth, so it's all going to my fiancee. I already took care of the rest of my family.
94 billion left, and I'm out of ideas for me, so it's time to donate. Half of it gets split between NASA and Space-X, no questions asked. The other half is for my fiancee to donate. She has lots of organizations she wants to support, I'm sure, and I trust her judgment in donating the last 47 billion. I imagine she'll make major donations to Tesla, and tons of smaller (relatively speaking) donations to animal shelters and animal protection organizations.
So I've got 100 billion in frozen assets making me money, probably some leftovers of the 600 billion after taxes that I can use for whatever, 2 billion in my personal account, a house that will last me forever, everyone I care about is good on money for life, and hopefully I'm not known as that rich guy you should rob and/or murder. So... job well done, I think
MrMagicConch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:01:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Walk into my shitty retail job and tell everyone they're retired.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:01:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rub one out, skip work, go back to sleep
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:01:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Solve global warming
badup ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:01:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd do whatever the fuck I felt like doing
sraperez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:01:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd give $40 billion to NASA every year (tripling their budget) and I'd fund my own science projects and campaigns. For example:
I'd start my own Fusion energy research, pouring $20 billion per year into that (more than the whole world's funding per year combined)
$5 billion per year towards the research and development of green technologies like advanced batteries and Gen. 3+/4 nuclear reactors .
I'd give $1 billion to 314Action to get scientists to run for office and start a new political party run by STEM officials and seasoned ethical lawyers for the advancement of human civilization and end of corruption and science denial.
$1 billion per year (or whatever Obama needs) to stop gerrymandering
$1 billion to expose corporate corruption in the Banking, energy, and government community.
$10 billion per year for the best damn campaign in history to encourage science education in junior high, high school and college.
$10 billion lifetime fund to cure as many cancers and diseases as possible
$1 billion/year towards investing in new transportation methods and technology (including AI).
$1 billion to hire the best minds in the world to come up with a new political system to replace Capitalism (it's killing our planet and ignoring 80% of the planets population) and bring wealth, health and happiness to as many people around the world as possible.
$1 billion towards revamping our broken legal system
$1 billion towards biotech upgrades to extend life and make humans stronger, faster, smarter and resilient to survive anywhere we can dream about.
Basically I'd change the world with my money and hopefully live to see it all take place. Also, I'd have the best security and hideouts the world has never seen.... Because the FBI and CIA would probably try and stop me. As such i'll only keep 3 Billion (I'll give away 997 Billion in total) to protect me and my family from harm. Let's dance motherfuckers!
smmidget ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:01:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not go to work.
Sangheilioz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:01:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy some land and build my dream mansion. Tuck away $1 billion for myself in various types of accounts. Give a cool $500 million to my parents, and $250 million to each of my fiancee's parents (they're divorced). Give another $200 million to each of mine and my fiancee's siblings, and set aside $100 million accounts for each of our nieces and nephews which they will gain access to upon receiving a bachelor's degree.
As for the rest... I'd put a significant amount of money into overhauling and improving our education system, because good, widespread education is the most important first step toward improving the future. I'd also pour some money into improving public transportation so that even the poorest people have access to schools and job sites. I'd also put quite a bit into clean energy and water infrastructure so that we can all benefit from reliable, clean water and pollution-free energy. With whatever is left over, I'd found an organization to overhaul our healthcare/insurance systems to ensure people can get the health care they need regardless of their financial and social status.
cgameing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:02:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Comcast and make it decent, somehow Is that even possible
iron233 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:02:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep cos I don't have to go to work anymore
Bglivengood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:02:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep...because I don't have to work 2 jobs any more.
DukeofPoundtown ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:03:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would emigrate to a place a long, long way from Trump's IRS. Then I would buy all the commercial time in the Super Bowl through shell companies, hire Alec Baldwin and Co. to do a bunch of anti-Donald Trump sketches, and use those as the commercials. Then, on Trump's birthday, I would get an air force of planes to sky write giant penises across the sky where ever he was, all day long. With the rest of the money I would go into business with Elon Musk and build solar panels, launch rockets, and other badass stuff.
Lepew1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:03:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would wonder why she tipped me so much.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:03:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off some loans. Talk to a professional
Shawn_Spenstar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:04:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same thing I did today except I'd also call my job and let them know I quit.
dakej ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:04:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tell no one.
Hire a lawyer and an accountant who are used to working with super-rich clients.
Still tell no one. Just slowly raise my standard of living, and give better Christmas presents.
TheTrollys ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:04:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the company I presently work for and fire about 50% of the workforce. They are dead weight and need to be removed.
Encrowpy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:04:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off the debts of my parents and friends. Set up annual payments for them so they don't have to worry about working if they don't want to.
Build a rescue animal center, staff it, and adopt all the strays in the various shelters in the state.
Travel.
jakattakjak1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:04:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to the currency conversion shop.
marcomac29 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:05:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my student loans and buy a sprite.
wallace6464 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:05:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 chicks at the same time
phoebe_nan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:05:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Keep dreaming
polyoptigon17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:05:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a Nintendo Switch and Breath of the Wild
Zamtzu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:21:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
or just buy Nintendo
JsDaFax ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:05:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Part of me wishes this was one of those surreal TV moments, where an anonymous hacker bequeaths the fortune of several high profile individuals and/banks upon those who responded to an inquiry online. People who responded with selfless motives wake up to their cut of the riches in their bank accounts. Granted, I probably wouldn't be one of those people; I have wads of debt to pay off. But, if I could wake up to 1-Trillion dollars, I'd find a way to pay off debt for hardworking middle-class citizens across the globe. ... I feel that's what "the-powers-that-be" fear most: people free of fear. Debt is a way of control; I'd remove that control.
tigerd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:06:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get a cell phone, get my car out of repo stayus, avoid eviction by having enough to pay rent. Cry with joy for the first time in my life.
SodaCheeseAndSodomy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:06:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get a bunch of my Russian and Chinese friends together who happen to like philosophy and patriotism, and invest in ladders
FilloryEverfolly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:06:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The correct answer is either stop drinking and smoking weed.. or do it MUCH, MUCH MORE.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:06:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
hire a private army and take over a snide country
graveydave ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:07:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First thing I'd do is buy reddit just so I could find out what gold is all about
IntravnousBacon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:07:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Health care for all! Call it BaconCare.
neonmosh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:08:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would donate 99.999% of the money to charities with low administrative overhead and create a foundation with which to combat various world problems.
MenstruatingMuffin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:08:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my student debt and with the remaining $5 I'd go get subway
Manqazwsx1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:09:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a decent house, buy a nice car, and live in complete and utter happiness the rest of my life.
snowlovesnow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:09:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy Charter and ATT (local monopolies) for the sole purpose of making them build out interwebs and cell service to my camp on Gichigami
alabardios ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:09:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Laugh, that would the first thing. Call my boss and quit. Call my husbands boss and tell them that he's going on a break for a year. Then head to the bank and deal with that shit. Then oh man.. I would go do everything on my bucket list.
I would wear a beard of bees! Travel across Canada in a tiny house. Sky diving. Hire a personal trainer for my husband and I and get fit then head out into the wilderness and hike the TCT. After that I would go travel to all the countries. I would also spend a year up in the Yukon to explore and experience the Inuit lifestyle. Learn how to make a fucking igloo.
I might go back to school and do all the learning I love to do but can never afford.
danfinger51 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:43:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could do 90% of that stuff without the trillion.
ArseholeryEnthusiast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:09:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd most likely immediately buy a house for about 300 thousand so I could sit quietly on my own and figure out what to do with all my money.
SpacemanBatman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:09:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give $999,995,000,000 to charity
dubmcswaggins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:09:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd make a difference. First place I'm going is Chicago a.k.a. Chiraq and building rec centers, job placements services and maybe a program that pays you to not get in trouble and get a job. Help the middle class some how for sure to BUT FIRST I WOULD HAVE TO BUY COCAINE AND STEAKS.
2weird2care ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:10:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire 2 accountants and 2 financial advisors.
freedoomed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:10:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
buy island, hire household staff. pay staff out of dividends and interest. sit there being a fat load with a bunch of money. maybe hire a personal trainer and chef to stop being a fat load.
DallasEdward ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:10:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Id create a team of people I know to travel the world and pinpoint in each country where the money was most needed
Mr-Blah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:10:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Set up a really bad auto-email spam giving away 10M$.
See if anyone answers. If they do, pay up.
Repeat until I'm worth 10M. Then live off the interest.
the_real_gorrik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:10:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build a vacation home on the moon
SuperSaiyanNoob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:10:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd open a movie studio and fund a bunch of bat shit insane movies that would never get picked up in a million years and hope I find the next star wars.
TwangyDash ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:10:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably use it as a blanket
snoowhisperer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:11:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go online
Sort: High to Low
LifeIsOnTheWire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:11:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fund research to a clean and renewable source of power, and space travel/exploration.
A clean and renewable power source would indirectly solve (or facilitate solutions to) many problems in the world. Poverty, hunger, transportation, environmental, etc.
Enhanced space exploration would improve many things for humans. Aside from the obvious spread of our species, and ensuring our survival as a race, the biggest benefits would be surrounding spin-off technology. Spend 500 billion on space exploration, and you would have invented, learned, and discovered so many things. You would build a generation of scientists, engineers, and thinkers for the next generation.
The benefits to feeding that much money into those two causes would be uncountable.
Reef718 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:11:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make sure my entire family and friends are debt free.
Build a neighborhood of 4 BR homes in the suburbs so no one I know will ever be homeless
Buy every privatized prison, upgrade them to acceptably human conditions and give them back to the gov't
Start a 10 billion dollar fund for the education system in this country
build 1000 schools, 1000 hospitals and 1000 clean water facilities in Africa and southern asia
How much do you think I'd have to pay them for them to let me live in the Palace at Versailles?
quietly_now ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:11:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep in.
Sage2050 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:12:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep
LaurenNK ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:13:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would get a painting with 4 commas on it.
HearingSword ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:13:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd be rich, so I'd be able to legally not pay tax due to some loophole, so I'd be happy.
caliman64 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:13:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd quit my job.
Canadian_Invader ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:14:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Smile. Roll over and go back to sleep. No work today.
CollinMcFish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:14:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would have a massive heart attack and then use that for my medical fee if insurvive
glswenson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:14:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd slowly over the course of a year or two invest it in small chunks into the stock market. Then one day I'd pull it all out and crash the market.
DownvoteGargler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:15:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would immediately start a foundation that would fund non-profit companies dedicated to solving major problems like poverty, global warming, etc. These companies would be an excellent place to work and boost local economies as well. It would create an entire economy out of helping people.
cnibbana ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:15:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time.
Mr_Tomernator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:15:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
shit dude, like 990B would go to disease and cancer research for one. then i'd probably get like 1 nice car, a nice house (like $1,500,000ish), a dank ass computer. and then the rest of it would be invested in stuff. then the rest would be to live off of and then pass down.
TheRealPartshark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:16:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the government and fix all this stupid shit.
Scratch_King ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:16:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Id go back to bed. Im not doing shit.
Ever.
Neoxite23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:16:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd pay some farmers and construction workers to move to some 3rd world country for a few years so they can build and teach the locals how to farm so they can finally have food.
I'm tired of the "25 cents a day can feed a family a week". Just give them the knowledge and resources to do it themselves.
sillybammy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:16:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bruh Cowboy Stadium bout to be filled to the brim with vanilla pudding
facug0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:16:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow you guys are so boring and analytic, I'd just buy hella baconators from Wendy's, they're REALLY good
Mr__Helix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:16:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Burn most of it honestly. $1 Trillion added to the economy would destroy the value of the dollar. Leave $1 billion and just live a normal life
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:16:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have all the major banks send me their most "talented" representatives to earn my business.
birdsnacks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:17:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A car. Plastic surgery. Nicer furniture. Bigger apartment. Go to college. Change mind about career path. Go to another college. Change mind again. And repeat. Oh and gifts, gifts for my friends and family and maybe strangers too.
sgtbeamer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:17:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make sure it's not Zimbabwean dollars.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:17:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A wholw trillion? Fuck dude. Budget some bilkions for charities give my friends and family a good ampunt so they never have to worry again and probably buy a castle somewhere quiet could i also pay to get fibre optic internet? I feel with that money you could make anythinf happen
Man id do everything i ever wanted dude id set up a wolf sanctuary and go travelling and eat so much fucking fruit all the time ans buy a switch and a desktop and a new guitar and a camera
That is a literally absurd amount of money i dont think i could stop once I started hahaha
PM_ME_LARGE_PILLOWS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:18:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Let's see...before seeking legal advice and going through the proper channels, I would:
1.) Get my Steam friends all of the games they have on their wishlists at the time of notification (with a list marked down in-case they add a couple hundred more).
2.) Spruce up my home a bit with some reworked flooring and paint, not to mention tidy up around the house.
3.) Pay the group I'm currently with much more than was paid before and possibly further our 'study' of several file-structures that were poked at early on.
samsquanch42069 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:18:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy one of those bigass cakes that someone jumps out of, i would hotbox it then jump out and get plastered on expensive whiskey.
merlinthewizard12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:18:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hand in my two weeks notice, a middle finger, and a cloud of dust
polakbob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:18:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Outspend Trump in an effort to save my country.
justinkasereddditor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:18:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would quit my job and buy my company and fire my boss then I would just go get some coffee .
SirChoGath ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:18:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd have 2 trillion taken by my divorce
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:19:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Reddit and ban every one but myself!
prestonb725 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:19:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would sit down with my family and discuss some things. Then I'd pay for everything that's necessary (pay off my car, etc). Then I'd go travel somewhere and put a big chunk of the money away so I can't touch it.
voodoo_chile_please ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:19:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I buy you
TammyWhySnot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:19:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep in
vegetaman3113 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:19:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a house, car, and check my asshole for severe damage.
K3V0M ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:20:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/MechanicalKeyboards ( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)
Lordsquanchy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:20:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd be Iron Man.
Trynda1v9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:20:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cure world hunger.
stonedbarbarossa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:21:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Trump Towers and rent the rooms to the homeless at an insanely low rate.
Zephix321 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:21:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy all the pants in the world and burn them. We're starting over with pants.
Angelaolander ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:21:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Set up trust funds for the education of all of my extended family (up to 2nd cousins) and their next 4 generations of $150,000 each.
Deeznuts1234 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:21:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know what I would not do. I would not let anyone hold my trillion dollar bill.
BumblesToe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:22:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Amazon for 500bill
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:22:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Coke and whores.
dlinedj ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:23:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a Nintendo Switch
Levicorpyutani ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:23:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate 90% and use the rest to fund my college education day off any debts and get a nicer place.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:23:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off debts. Leave rest in irrevocable trust with trusted advisors for my kid and keep doing what I already do because I am happy.
sweetjimmytwoinches ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:23:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep..
Mr_Wyzard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:23:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would with buying something for every person I hurt in some way.
I'd buy my Mother a house in Sydney, Australia and decorate it with Harley Davidson products (even the salt and pepper shakers).
I'd buy ex #1 a Ferrari Enzo.
I'd buy ex #2 a house with all the stuff she needs to raise her baby.
I'd buy ex #3 a Horse Stable with 10000 horses.
I'd buy that kid I choked when I was in kindergarten a custom 2018 Dodge Ram 3500 Dually fully loaded with a Mega Cab.
I'd buy that girl I pushed down the hill in grade 1 a house.
I'd buy the kid I used to beat the shit out of everyday because I was jealous of him a custom Fender Stratocaster and fly Ozzy Osbourne out to jam with him.
I'd buy the kid who's head I smashed off a desk a farm with a gun range in the back, a whole bunch of skidoos, four wheelers, a boat and a truck.
I'd buy the kid who I punched for no reason other than wanting to fight someone a house, a truck and pay his college or university tuition.
I'd buy a whole bunch of apartment buildings in as many cities as possible so the less fortunate have a place to live.
I'd buy my father a chip truck, a boat, a truck, a house and fly some celebrities he always wanted to meet in his youth (William Shatner, Adam West, Chevy Chase, Bill Murray etc) to come and have coffee and/or a drink with him.
I'd hire someone to figure out time travel so I could go back and do things right with ex #3 because I love her so much and I don't think I'll ever get over her. I'd also use it to allow my mother to say goodbye to my grandfather.
I'd buy a massive party island in the Caribbean that anyone could visit all expenses paid if they're lonely, sad or just want to have a good time.
I would give $100 billion to cancer research.
And the rest I would put in the bank and live off the interest, I would get an honest job and every time I got a paycheck I would donate it to helping abused animals.
danfinger51 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:41:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could have just said "Waste it on stupid stuff."
Mr_Wyzard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:28:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Clearing my conscience is not stupid.
usechoosername ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:23:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
See if I could purchase Antarctica. Fuck everything, it is barren and almost nothing is there. I want to be the guy to own a continent. Scientists and their research is allowed to continue.
Ehrre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:24:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate it, I don't need that kind of money I am perfectly fine with my job and wait fuck that actually I'd turn The Grand Canyon into a giant ball pit.
Filthyrichdude ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:25:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would put 100 billion away for myself and my family, and then proceed to pay off everyone's student debt at the university I go to, as well as probably pay everyone's student debt in the state. I don't need all that money so I might as well help other people build towards a better future.
Alliekat1282 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:25:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd go back to sleep, because I obviously would not need to go to my job waiting tables that day.
throweraccount ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:25:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm kind of late but I'd send a marching band through my office chanting throweraccount quits over and over again until they finish circling everyone.
Happyhippo101 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:25:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ask r/personalfinance what to do.
WhoCaresWhereWaldoIs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:25:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would burn every last dollar.
pugnaciouspinemango ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:25:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Book an appointment to get every single last one of my teeth ripped out and replaced with new ones. Strange I know, but I hate my teeth.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:25:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the best computer I can, put mabye $100,000 into a bank account for intrest (For upgrades), buy 2 houses in the mountains(North and south hemisphere) for yearround snowboarding, put like 30 mill in a bank account for later use, then probally donate the rest... IDK
SabotPetals ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:46:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Its a trillion. You could buy intel and AMD and Nvidia and them have those three design and build you a computer.
Its a thousand billion, or a million million dollars.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:49:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah... I know, I just want the computer
Noslodamus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:25:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There is no way this could fly. Even if you took half of that money and invested it at a relatively safe ROI you'd bankrupt the world. Markets would crash.
Skydog87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:26:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep.
UserCheckNamesOut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:26:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep.
SpellsThatWrong ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:26:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not tell anybody
PM_ME_UR_REDHEAD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:26:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cry like a baby.
MadCard05 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:27:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1.) Put it in the bank (boring I know)
2.) Buy a Mustang GT, just because I like the way they look.
3.) Buy a small house near my favorite part of town with a nice backyard for my dog.
4.) Buy a small vacation house in Vancouver.
5.) Start finding a way to invest that money into a business that can grow that money back.
Crazy Rich Guy Thing: Build a replica of the USS Louisville CA-28, and sail her around as a living museum to help kids and Americans learn about the Navy in WW2.
fastgr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:27:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everything.
NeoSpartacus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:27:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ITT: People spending millions of dollars and the world is out almost $1Trillion
Seriously though, invest it incredibly widely. First just all of the top rated securities. Then I'd corner markets. I would buy a nation sometime in the middle of this, running it like Monaco. I'd have the best intelligence department money can buy. And I got a lot of it. After that I would create highly automated industries, and invest in a global scholarship and begin biasing economic theory into reducing the cost of living without adding value above what would be the poverty line in the U.S. + universal healthcare. Cradle to grave education would be free and diversified to every student. I'll show you all what freedom means to me.
idillic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:27:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Move to the countryside in Italy and live the rest of my life there.
illuminati_onion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:28:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably buy somewhere similar to a high school sports gym (the open space and the hard floor) lots of soccer balls, basketballs, balls of all shapes and sizes, and run around like an idiot kicking the balls about in excitement.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:28:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time
halfbreedprince ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:28:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stress out over what to do with that kind of money, since I was so stressed about not having money before.
SweetDaddyT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:29:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shit my pants
Mr_Gilmore_Jr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:30:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the apartment complex where I grew up. Get those tickets to the Rammstein concert in New York. Make Indonesia safe for women and children with better schools, police force, and all that good shit. After that, I think I'd have to destroy the rest to limit the amount of damage to the world economy from an influx of that much money from out of nowhere.
Soman-Yonten ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:30:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Assuming tax-free with no strings attached:
travel the world for a year. I'm a total hippie and I have wanderlust big time.
buy a baseball team. So far as I know, I wouldn't have to give much input, and it'd bring in more money for me.
lobby the hell out of Congress to pass some bills on energy reform and equal rights for trans people, and banning "religious freedom" bills nationwide.
lobby the hell put of Congress to discontinue the penny.
build myself a self-sustained house, hobbit-hole style.
rescue dogs and live with them happily ever after while I search for an SO, because I'm a lonely lesbian.
get airbender tattoos. Full body. No, I'm not kidding.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:30:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Only a select few people would have information as to my whereabouts.
danfinger51 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:30:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pave South America
GreatBigBagOfNope ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:30:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Set aside enough in an asset management group to pay out a healthy yearly salary. Set myself up with a small house in the countryside, a car, a ballin internet connection and a bunch of cool stuff. No more than a million (less than 0.0001% of the budget). For the rest, immediately invest a couple of million in every state school in the UK. Invest multiple millions into the University of Manchester. Invest in a graphene applications startup in the UK. Invest multiple millions in medical, women's and children's charities. Begin a multiple billion pound housing development project to build tens of thousands of starter homes in the UK, built to value of about ยฃ120k but sold at less than ยฃ100k. Pay whoever I need to whatever is needed to guarantee Shirobako season 2 and Log Horizon season 3. Buy houses as they're built in the UK and sell them at a loss to people that will live in them, including paying someone to keep an eye on the buyer afterwards to ensure they're a resident, not a landlord. Invest in research on: basic physics, chemical engineering, renewable energy, prevention and cure for malaria, Zika and whatever else, and space programs. Become a patron of bands and orchestras around the world with good youth outreach programs. Set up scholarships to universities worldwide, for students who are either gifted, financially struggling, or both. Invest in internet and healthcare infrastructure in developing nations, plus telecoms modernisation in the UK, and pay someone to keep a close eye on the projects. Directly pay for and expect zero return on hospital modernisation projects in the UK. Pump money into the Liberal Democrat party because fuck only knows we need a sensible middle ground right now. Be executive producer for new BBC documentaries.
Essentially do all the stuff that businesses don't want to lose money on, but is morally worthwhile, plus a lot of passion projects.
saudikungen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:31:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would give a million people a small loan of a million dollars.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:31:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd go back to bed..to hell with working a job
tribal_thinking ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:31:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy out a few major corporations in energy, manufacturing and medicine. Then I'd use them to start fixing problems instead of making things worse.
atertaqunderdog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:31:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire spiderman to keep mosquitoes away
thehootless ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:31:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Save it for a rainy day.
loserlame ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:31:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy back as much land as i could on my island, start some low income housing, build a hospital, a farm, and a casino which allocated a portion of the earnings to a yearly stipend for natives.
Basically give my people some of the same things native Americans have, since the govt won't do it.
islaisla ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:31:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
create my own anti advertising company and slam all the bullshit and advertise all the genuinely good stuff on media. hire ninja style anti advertising to deface all the annoying egotistical celebrity adverts, and all the ridiculous quotes. Secondly, start a shop with so much money, that no amount of chainstore/retailpark/mall monopoly can close me down - most likely an organic shop where everything is organic and locallly/self grown.
RadRadRiot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:32:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time.
arabidopsis_x ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:33:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Continue sleeping.
stephnicole32 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:33:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1.) pay off student loans 2.) buy my parents new house/car/whatever they want 3.) give some to my brother 4.) buy new house 5.) adopt 10 more dogs 6.) buy my own animal shelter 7.) travel all over the world 8.) donate to good causes 9.) pay off putin to tell me everything about trump and exploit him
cloudsatlas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:34:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy a Ferrari 488, a Prius, and a non restored 1964 mustang. Sunday drive, daily drive, and future drive.
cloudrunner17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:35:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Finally buy nice furniture and an amazing gaming setup so I can finally play games
rowdydave ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:35:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start my own small country in an uninhabited island somewhere in Canada.
seattletotems ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:35:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bring the Sonics back to Seattle.
MontanaSD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:36:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Really tough pickle here. You can't breath a word of it to anyone or you will be robbed and beaten or killed within a day. Can't just deposit all of it or irs will come and maybe even kill you for it, I donno how deep the corruption goes with them if at all. Hard to stash it in cash, but for sure vaccume seal it or bugs/rats could eat it. Immediately buy some guns, you will need them. Next you will need to buy a fortress of some kind, all cash and pay extra to avoid paperwork. Again, don't tell a soul, even best friend, he will either rob you himself or blab about it out of jealousy to anyone who will listen.
Your job from then on is to be a cash buyer and only bank deposit amounts that won't raise red flags. Log onto a library in a disguise and Google any info you need. Keep a heavily guarded Scrooge mcduck style room in the fortress, a tril is a shitload. You might have to come up with some kind of gambling alibi or something to throw people off the scent. It will be tough not getting killed or robbed, so settle in for a potentially rough ride at first. Consider moving to a paradise somewhere out of the greed pit that is the USA. Pay extra to be flown privately there with no papers or questions. That's about all I can think to do.
Source: I'm poor and fantasize about being rich a lot.
rokoeh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:36:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take a piss
SBuddy99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:36:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not go to work
elpresidente-4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:37:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Leave my job. Then do cool stuff, make movies and games.
Omniest ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:37:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Immediately begin work on opening the most kickass gaming store the world has ever seen.
FormalChicken ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:37:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay the taxes on it.
Put x amount into a savings account to get, say, 200k (fuck it, I have a trillion to work with, let's make it 300k, because at 1 percent interest you get 100k/yr on like 40m) yearly income.
Pay off whatever my family owes.
I'd probably sell my Mazda and get something else.
And then do fuck all. I'd drink on the beach and do fuck all for the rest of my life, I'd enjoy every second of it.
Give some sales weenie project manager hippy Crap the rest. I'm happy.
binarypie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:38:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
samu2217 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:38:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep
glutenful ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:38:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fund Cancer research with all of it.
Michigrower ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:39:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep in for an extra hour
shitmouthboi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:39:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make a series of movies based on memes.
Hbombmamasugertits ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:39:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fix my falling apart house and pay off all the bills...and try to talk my husband into quitting his cook job so we could just hang out with all these awesome little kids!! Edit- I forgot about a vacation.. Definitely take a vacation, been over a decade!
bigboss2014 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:40:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lots of people in here talking about clearing debt. I'd buy the fucking bank and just clear the debt. Why give banks your free money?
sleepingwideawake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:40:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sit down and have a long think.
earlybird908 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:40:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd stop leaving the house. I'd custom design a huge mansion to be built around the house where I currently live and wouldn't emerge ever again. I'd get everything delivered to the house and cut off all communication to the outside world.
hugso ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:40:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm assuming this is money that wasn't allocated to anyone before it was given to me, meaning it was created, so the first thing I'd do is cause some pretty wicked inflation when I spend 3 billion dollars at Taco Bell flooding the money supply in the name of Doritos locos tacos
Hierarch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:40:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Help my friends and family whose problems could be solved with money, for myself though I'd buy one of those high quality/hard plastic blade lightsabers...would be so badass.
_Nuvah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:41:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy every thing I don't have then put 300 mil in a savings account then become a philanthropist with the rest then kms because I wouldn't have anything to do or work to
HippyHey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:41:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I go back to sleep happy knowing that I don't have to go to work anymore.
Arazaha ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:41:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job Buy a brand new 2 bed bath house with a small yard and car with all the furniture and all that good stuff. Give a big chunk of money to my family and cousins Buy all the game consoles(and a top notch gaming pc) and games that I've always wanted. Stack up on Arizona and Caprisun.
Then become a hermit and only go out when I want food.
Kortizol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:41:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"5 more minutes"
Snoregood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:42:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off half my student loan debt!
homiej420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:42:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Idk games and stuff...
bidiot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:42:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to the bathroom, like every other day.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:43:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lots of drugs A mansion An adventure van. Candy.
apachehood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:43:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest
DearDarlingDearling ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:43:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy out the shitty apartment complex next door and make it into a gated community area. I'm sick and tired of waking up to gunshots. I'd also make the fixes that are needed around the house and help the neighbors fix up their houses. Then I'd add a few extra rooms to our home. Pay off my husbands car. Abolish our student loan debt. Abolish my prenatal medical bills and have enough left to take care of the post-natal bills and child. Then we'd probably invest the rest and live off of accrued interest. Oh, and I'd buy my husband a nice gaming computer and get a prenatal massage. My back constantly hurts.
camlop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:43:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy clothes. Most of my wardrobe is still from middle school. Video games for me and my friends because we haven't been able to play together for a while and it makes us kinda sad. Buy a new car because mine isn't safe (nothing too fancy, I want something practical). Buy a super contemporary and high-tech home (for some reason San Diego County doesn't really have those... maybe, like, TWO) with a view of the city skyline, if possible. Invest. Donate a lot of money to Planned Parenthood, the ACLU, the STEaM and project-based charter school I went to, a few foundations for orphans and sick children, and quite a few other non-profits. Invest even more. Fund a movie and act in it because I want to. Give myself a makeover.
Y'know, almost all of this would take just a day to do.
Vociferix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:44:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would become president
Maplethor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:44:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spend it all on impeaching Drumpf.
twanas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:44:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a large number of the poorest countries , Haiti comes to mind, become a benign dictator, provide housing education and healthcare. Deport any one who refuses to be kind
Esenfur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:44:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not from a wealthy family, i would live within my means, with minor added flavour.. If my kids turn out to be cunts, the majority will go to charity.
RobinRubin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:44:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep
Sour__Cream ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:45:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stay in the fucking Bahamas
avocatress ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:45:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to school. I'm this |--| close to finishing my masters, so even if I have enough money to hold me and my partner out for the rest of our lives... I'm finishing what I started.
Then, consult a lawyer and an accountant.
I'd pay of my partner's student loans, and repay my parents for their financial assistance. I'd gift some to my sister as well.
Once I graduate and my partner and I settle where we want to work, we'd live business as usual. I'd have the same wedding we're planning now, and we'd both still work (we've discussed this hypothetical before). Life might be less stressful since we don't have to worry about having financial resources in the event of a job loss, medical emergencies, or if our parents need nursing care in their old age. We'd take more vacations and buy a house sooner, but I don't think we'd increase our standard of living or way of life significantly.
Probably also might buy a fuckton of land and set it up as a preserve.
Boring answer, but probably would lead to a happier life than blowing as much money as possible on as many stupid things as we can imagine.
emcee1496 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:45:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Learn tense agreement
eisme2016 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:45:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Travel forever, disown everyone I know, and only talk to Reddit people for entertainment.
910to610 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:46:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Save lives and renew hope.
themikeswitch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:46:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
start preparing for my 2020 Presidential run.
500 billion would be spent buying up medical and student loan debt and forgiving it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:47:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1-Get car (Blue Jeep) 2-Get 1968 Shelby Cobra kit car 3-Get house 4-Get plane
alexeye ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:47:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Osiris2641 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:47:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy massive amounts of farmland and equipment!!!
rachelcaroline ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:47:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Finally buy some acreage in Montana and build a little cabin. Donate to cancer research. Replace my car's windshield wipers. Pay off any leftover medical bills. I don't think I'd do anything crazy...I just want to know if something happens I'll be able to take care of it.
Oh. Maybe run for president.
screenwblues ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:47:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire smarter people than me to brainstorm what to do with it to make good, lasting change that will carry in for generations.
A_Stones_throw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:48:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay my student loans
dizeaze ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:49:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to work. Work as if nothing happened. Then watch as everyone suck up to me when they realize I bought out the company. And the stores across the street. And everything in the city.
the__godfather ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:49:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know, just go to work probably...
ryguyawesomesauce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:49:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off every single government official in my entire country, and then spend the rest of my life doing whatever I wanted with no legal consequences.
RayMaN139 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:50:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a house, a car, a computer, new TV. The rest.. use to find a cure for OCD.. I have it and it is fucking crippling.. It needs to GTFO of this world.
Edit: From whatever is left.. find other cures.
littlegirlghostship ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:50:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start handing it out to all my family and friends. Send everyone and their kids to college. Set many of them up with nice houses and cars. HEALTH INSURANCE!!!!!
Get myself that life saving continuous blood glucose monitor that would basically ensure I live for the next ten years.
Get all my weak terrible teeth replaced with implants.
Put my kid into a good preschool. Make sure she's taken care of when I die, as there's a good chance I will before she's 18
Buy my husband and I many small houses all over the world, travel outside the country for the first time in my life.
Burst into tears cuz I'm so damn poor and my family's always been poor and that's the source of all our stresses in life and now I can fix it all for everyone.
Start some awesome non profit charities, support some already existing ones. Somehow fix the education system.
Probably become poor again from giving it all away and die happy.
Thanohs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:50:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spend as much cx as I can before Rd revoked
amysway ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:51:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably pay to have sex with your mom. Then, invest the remaining $999,999,999,990.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:51:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Walk into work with a mariachi band marching behind me as loud as possible, tell my manager to suck a fat one, spark a j, and walk out.
pjvm2000z ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:51:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Live my life completely normally until someday I forget about the money and am poor on the streets then be like wait, I have fuck you money.
WilliamifyXD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:51:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ooh i can get that gtx 1080 ti and kaby lake cpu.
Lazadoblecero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:51:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay taxes
TheNoLifeKing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:51:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd go back to sleep since I wouldn't have to go to work
Turtledonuts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:51:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Legal advice and a financial manager. Start hiding money, diversifying money, and making sure nobody else knows.
Then, start donating to charity/science. I don't want a trillion, I could live with infinite happiness off of 10 billion. With that cash, I could be the next Elon musk, and also I don't want to give up multibillionaire status.
Lunderstorm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:52:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest in small business across the country. Look for opportunity and to donate. Buy land in the country. Build a moat with a draw bridge.
ravenshadow2013 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:52:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i have a list
IronBoomer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:53:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy land, build a modern Winterfell. Prepare for the eventual Lannister or White Walker force
bubadmt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:54:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Trillion dollars worth of lotto tickets. Guaranteed to win baby!
brawlisforwii ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:54:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Imagine my tax bill
mtejisen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:54:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep
defy60 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:55:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Free beer for everyone!!!!!!! Especially the children!
clacketyklak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:55:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably puke my guts out wondering where it came from . Once I realized it was fully and legally mine, I would hire an accountant. Then would donate a million to the animal shelter, another million to a homeless shelter, and another million to a local school. Then get mine and my boyfriends teeth fixed. Buy us a house with some land. Somewhere out in the woods. Nothing big, just something small amd comfy. Pay off my parents house. Buy an apartment complex. Provide low cost rent to low income families, with high quality units and pet friendly requirememts.
CharlotteMcCormick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:55:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably sleep for another hour
Alz_Gee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:55:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my families mortgages, buy and rent houses, build a tech castle in the country, travel the world, help the environment and the poor.
AyeBaeBae ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:56:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drop out of college.
yaosio ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:56:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Think about how great it was to accept all the bribes as US president.
HugeHippo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:56:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
NEVERGETMARRIED ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:56:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a country. Eliminate taxes. Execute everyone who says you have to have taxes. Hire assassin's to kill all the people who reply to this comment saying you have to have taxes from other countries. Build a mountain of bodies and let them rot forever from all of the people who got killed for saying we needed taxes. Become a tax haven. Take donations from all the rich people who are super happy they don't have to pay taxes. Create a vast piping system across the globe so that all of the world's shit and piss gets piped to the place where a mountain of bodies lies of people who supported taxes. Build an army with my vast riches. Attack every country one by one. Take over the world. Eliminate taxes one country at a time till I rule the world. Take a vacation to the rotten mountain of bodies of people who supported taxation. Fart in its general direction. Legalize all drugs. Drop mic.
melting-kingdoms ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:56:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a penthouse in Times Square, go to college and actually be able to afford it. Buy every single doggy that needs a home and make a huge doggy haven with tennis balls and a round-the-clock vet. I really love animals
LeodFitz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:56:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd start an 'international basic education program,' designed to bring, first, free schooling, followed by (in order) clean water, electricity, and internet access to everyone on the planet.
GaryBuseyLawnChair ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:56:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Never be seen again. Control a sizable clan of Ninjas. Pilates.
Hanta3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:57:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate most of it, probably to women in STEM careers and some charity like Doctors Without Borders (can't remember if that charity is legit or not, I just like the concept of it, so whichever similar charity is the most legit, I'd donate to). Maybe lobby for "free" college (I know it isn't technically free - it's taxpayer dollars - but even if I wasn't a trillionaire, I'd be very content with my tax dollars going towards educating the next generations at a higher level, even if it meant higher taxes).
Spend the rest in an attempt to make arcades cool/widespread again. Idk how exactly, but I'd do my best to make it happen. Succeed or fail, I think it'd be a fun task to undertake.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:57:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Become a Bond villain. Fear my easily destructible moon base bitches.
ShowMeYrThongGirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:58:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Poop
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:59:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy winrar.
-steamboatwilly- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:59:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy google, and yahoo. And be rich as fuck.
CatherinesParty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:59:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Exchange them to euros
smudgyblurs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:59:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy a $7 coffee because it's morning and I don't need to worry about my coffee budget anymore.
georgealright ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:00:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Costa Rica.
wrath212 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:01:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 chicks at the same time..
MtStarjump ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:01:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If it's my alarm waking me up at 6.45am for work. Then the first thing I do is switch the alarm off and go back to sleep. I will work on the rest later.
FiskTomten ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:01:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a nice house, a car, a private jet, cs skins, make an esports organisation and other important stuff then save 1billion + enough to pay taxes for 25 years, then donate 50% of what is left to nasa and 50% to poor kids
Allahisafag ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:01:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get the fuck off this planet
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:02:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First thing is to change my name to Austin Powers
wolfereen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:03:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do everything i ever wanted to so i will gain self confidence and loose my amxiety.
Zodianz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:03:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd have to go to the bank and convert it into pounds
elf25 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:03:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Burn trump
newstuph ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:04:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd print off at least 300 a.t.m. Statements and give them out to all of the women I want, cuz that money's not gOing to be around for too long.
SirGaylordFocker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:04:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably die 20 minutes later knowing my luck
InterRail ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:05:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I probably wouldn't immediately realize just how rich I am, until days after when I can literally afford anything I could ever want. That would be the end of my existence. Vacations, gluttony, endless nights. I wouldn't be surprised if my life turned into that instagram dudes page, with the beard and naked escort parties and machine guns on jet planes.
jasonxtk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:05:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anyone remember Zezima from Runescape? I'd be that guy.
kupnation ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:05:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Immediately soil my undies.
the_alpha_hog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:05:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well ... Stay in bed !
Master_Cheif117 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:05:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wake up because I know it's a dream
L0G96 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:05:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate it to that poor Nigerian prince. Poor guy is really need of some money.
JokoFloko ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:06:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shit myself.
dQw4w9WgXcQ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:06:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
http://imgur.com/IB22G66
If I woke up with that, I'd probably not survive.
SparkyMountain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:06:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Space elevator
barnabyjones92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:06:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd fist my donkey. Because I hate that Mother f@%ker
Giant_meteor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:06:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can finally afford a reasonable house in Vancouver, BC.
ghosttrainhobo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:07:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll take one Congress please.
MC_Punjabi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:07:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Reddit and close all the anime subs.
Nicklefickle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:07:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hit snooze.
luckydog32 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:07:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably go back to sleep tbh.
DoubleDerpies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:08:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed
dnozzle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:09:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Learn to spell
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:09:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd set up a fund of 10 million for my mom under the condition that she has to leave me alone or it will be given back to me. Pay for my girlfriend's family to leave their country since it's terrible and make it so they don't have to work again. Pay off my student loan debt, buy a house and make sure it has a huge ass art studio for my girlfriend. Probably buy my favourite football club (A.C. Milan) and get them out of the shitter that Silvio has put us in.
crumbbelly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:09:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Move.
pornstein ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:09:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy a big piece of land and found my own micro-nation. With blackjack and hookers.
deWize ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:09:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy a Nintendo Switch, Kickstart a shit ton of games, buy a new graphics card, buy a a house, buy a girlfriend, buy food. Ah wait, I'd buy a few extra terrestrial domains too, so I can quit this stupid planet with stupid people on it.
silverflyer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:09:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep...
lordusan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:11:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off student debt and feed the starving in third world nations
Pdiggydog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:11:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep
CountHonorius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:11:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Set $100 billion aside for my own space program.
LazyTheSloth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:11:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my house,cars and any debt. Buy a good chunk of woodland. Build a nice house. Have some offroad stuff. The rest I would invest or hide.
WalterJessePinkWhite ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:12:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lets just say a lot of cars would be bought that day. And then the house hunt would commence
cinnaboo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:12:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know what I would doe, besides the typical answers of buy a decent car, get a house, pay off what little debt I have, get things for said house, make sure my family is taken care of, ect ect. I probably would be content with my life after my family is taken care off and have a college fund for my daughter set up. The craziest thing I would do would be take my wife and child each summer to a different place in the world to experience the culture expose I had in the military... yeah that sounds nice
autoposting_system ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:12:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cure aging
TheSanityInspector ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:13:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off a percentage of my share of the national debt.
BucketsAMF ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:14:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably be dead my the next morning.
adventuresofthemurr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:14:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put myself through school, put my mom through school so she can finish her master's. Pay for one of my sister's college education along with the combination of both sisters kids through college. (Military pays other sister). Get a nice place to live and then get a Samoyed, Siberian huskey, German Shepard and idk what my 4th dog would be
DoxBox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:14:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly I'd just give it away. $30,000 to every person in Canada. That leaves me with $100,000,000,000 left over. More than enough to do all the fun stuff and set my family up for the next few dozen generations.
tacosmiths ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:15:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Reddit
patriot_1911 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:15:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Touch myself immediately after learning that I had received 20 trillion dollars.
fuddyq ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:15:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now you're just getting ridiculous, ScotiaBank.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:16:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretend it doesn't exist. Then have a rich alter ego
tobbe1337 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:16:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
move out to the countryside next to a big forest. fix really good internet. (dig a cable to there or whatever they do) buy a super good gaming computer. get a big pool and all of those kinds of things. a nice car. a bunch of swords and bows and all that nerdy goodness and just buy a bunch of nerd stuff that i want. and also a nice gym. Then i would spend my days gaming, working out. Shooting bows, guns and fighting with other kinds of weapons swords etc. i would travel the world a bit. and learn a bunch of stuff. maritial arts lockpicking those kinds of things.... That would be the dream
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:16:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would get my fiance a house for her birthday in a few weeks.
Hautemilque ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:17:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1 trillion? Pay everything off. Same for close friends and family who are deserving. Purchase three or four seasonal homes, and; a nice boat, and; anchor it somewhere really nice, and; hire a captain. Hire a full-time masseuse. Take part in/study all those interesting things I could never afford or have time to: Ethology Archaeology Anthropology History Space ... and then some Give a SH*T load of it to deserving organizations. RELAX
xeskind30 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:17:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I had this amount of money I would say, "Fuck you!" to the world because I would be able to do whatever I wanted for the rest of my life.
FixBayonetsLads ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:18:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make sure all the disadvantaged people in my life get the help they need. I could do so much with just $5000.
Then pour the rest into my city. Shoutout /r/Louisville, love you.
Probably save just enough to get me and the better half season tickets to the theatre.
xMWHx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:18:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 chicks at the same time
Hennessey_Black808 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:18:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Disappear and not tell anyone
Bam223 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:19:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take my kids out of school, fly to Miami and get on the next 7 day cruise.
DjQuigon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:19:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably take a shit
Brugman87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:19:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Leave my job, start traveling the world
Murr0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:20:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Inflation would be massively higher
thephotoman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:20:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy paper versions of every Vintage Magic deck currently putting up results in the metagame.
Then do the same for Legacy and Modern.
PUfelix85 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:21:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lukethehedgehog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:21:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hoard them so the economy doesn't fucking collapse.
Sayajiaji ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:21:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep because it's a weekend and I'm lazy.
illumniate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:21:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If this is physical money, first move it into multiple banks. If it was just already in the account, make sure that it is all legitimate.
Hire a lawyer team + protection detail because even though nothing I do would be evil, who knows.
Then, buy houses in San Francisco, Boston, New York, Tokyo, Dubai, Switzerland, and Paris. These houses will each be filled with different valuables of different hobbies for diversification of funds. Cars in Dubai, Artwork in San Francisco, and rare Fashion/Sneakers in New York and Paris, watches in Switzerland. Boston and Tokyo will have some of each, but for daily use. I want to keep as little physical cash as possible due to hyper inflation, and be able to make some return as older pieces can be more valuable.
I'd set my extended family up with accounts that hold around $2.5M in each, but will set up clauses to prevent unacceptable use (i.e. drugs or other illicit activities). These clauses would entail a $750K deposit per year, but a complete shut off if the money is used in ways I seem unfit.
Next, I would donate to a bunch of charities, but request reports (also will be audited by my lawyers) in exchange for continued support. If the money is being used to not help the cause in its fullest extent (i.e. paying bonuses for CEOs, I will shut off my support immediately.
I would then spend the rest of my days investing and beginning a self-sustaining dynasty to last generations.
I would buy the materialistic things: yachts, planes, the works. I wouldn't be flashy however. Luxury, but not gaudy possessions. Rare, but not stupid looking clothes. Expensive, but not flashy watches. I would try to look as clean and classy as possible at formal events, but as casual as I want on normal days.
The thing people will not realize is that you do not need to be scary or flashy, or whatever. You have one trillion dollars, people won't mess with you.
ibytw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:22:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
one word: hummus
TheXhadeZ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:22:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Easy, buy Greece. Remake the Byzantine Empire. Call for a new crusade. Reclaim Constantinople. Either that or become Batman.
Tanmanz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:22:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate 6 trillion and keep the rest
Tanmanz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:23:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean 6 billion xD
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:23:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get really excited to buy my country and become a mega-rich landlord, them realised that even all the houses would cost more than I had (25mil houses at an average of 220,000 is over 5 trillion). Say fuck it, if I can't have it, no one can; evacuate my friends and family, the Queens and David Attemborough and nuke it. Because why not.
ameliabedelia7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:23:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay taxes on it as SOON as I POSSIBLY could.
Donate a shit ton of it.
Pay my student loans and medical bills.
Maybe buy a house.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:23:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to school and buy some guitars.
Idiot_Savant_Tinker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:23:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd start by buying the company I work for. I'd keep working there, in my current capacity.
Then I'd build a factory that makes good, inexpensive, electric cars, and start setting up quick-charge convenience stores. catering to Tesla, Leaf, and owners of my cars.
eXwNightmare ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:24:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call in sick and go back to bed.
RizdeauxJones ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:24:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get off social security and buy my sister a house.
Subcutaneous_Beauty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:25:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wonder where I met it and hope that I used protection. Money is filthy.
himichel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:25:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my student loans...and then move to the Caribbean.
mynozizfroz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:26:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd get up, have some weetbix and a cup of tea.
AVerySexyDorito ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:27:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For once, absolutely nothing
Belittles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:28:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know what I would do if I had a trillion dollars? I would invest half of it in low risk mutual funds and then take the other half over to my friend Asadulah who works in securities
deckem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:28:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give away $999 billion to charity or some sort of charitable cause(s). Give some of the last billion to family and friends. Maybe keep $500 million to myself.
dushjr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:29:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holiday and a 100 mil mansion.
Lahogoni ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:30:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a dog and child support for my sister and I
maxiquintillion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:30:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Finally finish my pc build...
3141592ab ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:30:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep
JdPat04 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:30:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my wife's student loans. Buy my grandmother and grandfather anything they want. Mom is dead or id buy her the world
Buy my little bro a nice house and set him up. Along with my older bro with whatever he wanted.
Then I'm going to start seeing the best doctors I can find to see if they can figure out why my back and left leg hurt.
KenpoSade ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:30:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep comfortably
teruma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:32:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job, buy a big house in kansas city, get Google fiber.
wigdom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:32:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my loans and drop out of school
BEAVER_TAIL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:33:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Leave
uBlowDudes247 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:33:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a fucking compound and stock it with all the shit I've ever wanted. Then proceed to do what I'm doing right now.
Yostman29 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:34:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Detroit and make a fort but idk what I would do with the other 999.999 billion
deepfried67 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:34:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought it was a million billions.
byjimini ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:34:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire a team of top minds and scientists to undercut drug firms with our own medicine, saving the NHS here in the U.K. and doing the world a favour at the same time.
obsidianhoax ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:34:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dump half of it in the ocean as paper money, filmed and then put on YouTube
RazgrizS57 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:35:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give it away and tank the world's economy.
Cyqix_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:35:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1 Trillion $ VS 1000 Degree knife challenge (No Bamboozle) (Not Clickbait)
Meanteenbirder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:36:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a Trump cabinet position.
LibertyTerp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:36:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First, move as much of it as possible into tax haven bank accounts, assuming someone is going to take it away.
Second, buy a mansion near where I live and a mansion in the Bahamas.
Third, I used to be a professional in public policy advocacy, so I'd spend the money I'd never be able to even spend on advocating for public policy that would make the world a better place.
My #1 priority would be school choice, which would help millions of poor children assigned to bad schools go to great schools, and completely revolutionize the education system, turning it from a Soviet model to a more Silicon Valley-like model.
deepfried67 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:36:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is there anyone who could write a check for that amount. Doubt it.
B4TT3RY4C1D ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:37:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably give most of it away
MasterOfMinds666 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:39:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy an island and create a reality tv show similar to the bachelor only with sex slaves and have certain rewards and punishments for events and a pecking order of who they have to obey.
acox1701 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:39:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call my boss and tell him that I was going to be on split-shift for the foreseeable future, and that he can stop looking for investors.
AddictedToEggnog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:39:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drop out if school and buy my own house
fluffypun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:42:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yyerure
AlphaBetacle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:42:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay for all of my friends college educations.
clarkechinaski ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:44:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ask Anti Flag
mimic751 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:44:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
go back to sleep, cause i would immediately retire
krivorukiyk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:46:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy a ticket, fly 1588km, and meet my love.
dirtysanchezzzz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:46:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pathetic. Thinking IRS. Assuming I had five minutes undetected.
ChristIsDumb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:47:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Register Republican
InfaredPoint ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:47:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a lot of Netflix stock. And patiently wait.
breakingbadforlife ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:48:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Every single big record breaking sneaker collection including Dj khaled's
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:48:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get guac on my chipotle burrito.
penclnck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:49:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd have an army of lawyers under my command. False DMCA... thus begins my campaign of Death by 1000 Paper Cuts. Looking at you Nintendo....
BananaInPajama7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:49:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A bunch of hookers and cocaine
voNlKONov ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:49:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time.
SunnySanFran ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:50:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Taylor Swifts legal team. What I do with the money after that won't matter.
FlamingWings ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:50:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy that $1000 dollar app just because it wouldn't dent my money
Suinnus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:50:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The correct answer is getting arrested for tax fraud
WtheCore ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:51:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldn't go to work, that's for sure.
ponvas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:52:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
cash it all or until i can fill up a 7ft pool (if possible, maybe $1 per bill) and swim on it... dreams sure do come true (i wish)
S0CIOPATH ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:52:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing ;)
Cro_Copp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:53:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First LOGICAL thing i would do is visit an ATM and withdraw the maximum, once that goes through i would ask the teller to withdraw the maximum, let them take as much as they can stuff there pockets with. Then i would take the rest to a homeless center and essentially throw the money in the air by the millions. The next step of my plan is to purchase 8 apache helicopters to guard me at all times, while wearing the finest kevlar suit available. I would then go to home depot and collect all of the good men looking for work, and have them suit up and take 100 mil each and go wild. Invest 100 billion into VR development, buy medium sized island convert it into personally funded SpaceX launch site. Invest 800 billion into Personal Exploration Spacecraft -> equipped with a cannabis greenhouse and enough hallucinogens to live out my days in space
lives2eat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:53:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy 500 billion dollars in majiuana seeds. Use 250 million to pay people to plant them around the USA. I still have alot of money i never have to pay for pot and the goverment will have to make it legal. Also ill be known as a fictional character "Jonny pot head"
irritabletom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:53:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get my teeth fixed and buy my mom a bunch of stuff. And get one of those fancy cat towers for Pym, he would go nuts for that. I dunno. Probably order some Thai food. I want to get a PS4 but I can wait until Red Dead Redemption 2 comes out, so that's on the back burner. And there's a boxing gym that I'd like to join. Plus I would backpack again but probably still stay in hostels. I'm starting to realize that I don't have especially extravagant dreams.
GrievousBHarmsworth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:54:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay the 6 month rent advance for an apartment in San Francisco
bambade ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:54:04 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy an island, save all mistreated animals and live happily ever after
natedoge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:54:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would give some to my family so they wouldn't have to work, then a spaceship for me and a few lucky winners with enough provisions so we wouldn't have to return. Any leftover money I would attach to the outside of ship and make it rain one last time as we launch.
galrinal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:54:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put in all in a bank account, then take out $1,000 every day, in change. I'll ask for a different type of change every day, too.
internetzdude ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:54:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put them on my ordinary bank account, wait until my bank calls me up, and then politely decline any offer they make.
"Nah, I'll just leave it on my account for the time being, no need for a special savings account. But thanks for asking!"
beatakai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:55:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy all the shit in my "saved for later" Amazon cart and eBay watch list.
WeaverofStories ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:55:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have two friends who's mothers both work really hard (divorced). Both are getting at least a million, right there. Easily more, if they'll accept it.
drunkenDAYlewis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:55:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Poo. Alot. Then poo some more when I realize someone is probably after me now...
Ksondie16 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:55:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Happily go back to bed.
DrBunnyflipflop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:55:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
DaveTron4040 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:56:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think one of the first things I would do is go buy hardcover matching copy of books I own in a series. Nothing better than a matching hardcover series on your shelf.
hardspank916 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:56:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
End world hunger. Buy up property and give homeless people supplies to build their own communities. Build my own Enterprise bridge and hire actors to be my crew. Hire up and coming sci fi writers to create new adventures. Open casting call to all actors who want to be extras, featured guest stars, or aliens. Hire sfx team for costumes and to crop footage of final product.
yourbrainonstress ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:56:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay my student loans off. Then figure out what to do from there
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:56:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Donald Trump out of office
dangernoodlefloodle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:56:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay for at least 10,000,000 people's student loan debt
therealgano ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:57:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably go to jail, go directly to jail.
In_AgOnly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:57:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed.
kakesh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:57:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Commission about 90 nuclear power plants. Reinvest profits to build more. Invest half the remaining 100 billion in energy research, live off the rest.
danfinger51 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:57:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would develop an automatic toilet which would eliminate the need for toilet paper. No, not a bidet. Something which requires no user intervention at all. You sit, crap, then stand up with a dry, sparkly clean winky.
theycallmekumabear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:57:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep for another few hours.
r55r44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:58:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd get a team of mercenaries to follow me around. I'd be so godamn worried someone would kill me.
Edit: also I'd give the people in my family an amount of money proportional to how much I like them. It would be hilarious.
Deepseracingmul ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:58:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed
LexiForNow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:59:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Find a lawyer
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:59:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 girls, at the same time.
LynxLogix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:59:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get some sleep.
red_sky33 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:59:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For starters, set aside a million or two for school, pay off my parents' and sisters' houses, and make sure none of them tell any of the extended family.
Citizenerased1989 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:01:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, if it was legit and not some Eagle Eye type shit, I would quit my job, pay off all my debts and my husbands debts, get my car fixed, buy a van, and buy a house. Okay, maybe not buy a house that very same day, but I would start the process.
HorseHorsesHorsed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:01:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In all honesty I can't see myself doing more than getting a full body mech suit with a bulletproof faceplate and HUD and marching through town demanding all to bow to their new god. Install guns that fire soft rubber bullets to put down any dissenters. Maybe stomp on a few cars to show my strength off, and lift the peasant women above my head to shame their weak husbands.
SanshaXII ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:01:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Solve child poverty in my country and start a media campaign criticizing the government for ignoring the problem. Overthrow the government. Proclaim myself king. Remain loyal to the Commonwealth.
R_Lupin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:01:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Move somewhere beautiful, buy and build properties on land around the world, vehicles, staff, everything, living the life, build houses for the homeless
ngdurh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:02:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep
US_Citizen2468 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:02:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off all debts. Invest the money and make contributions to worthy causes.
Creepinjudaz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:02:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a Nimitz class aircraft carrier, park it in the bay I live near (Torbay), buy some hefty speakers and play the British National Anthem on repeat. Would also buy a town and turn it into a paintball arena.
AutisticJewLizard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:03:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do acid in space
MrsMeteor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:03:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd go to work and then get my hair done like I'm supposed to, pay all the things, send money to family, and then just walk around handing out money
TheSupergater ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:04:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably question where its from...
...then buy myself a nice pizza as a reward
acidicpuddle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:04:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire the best financial planner in order to take care of it so that I can easily live off the interest.
acidicpuddle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:04:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
$10Billion per year sounds pretty damn good.
_Brokkoli ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:04:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shoutout to One Trillion Dollars by Andreas Eschbach, which deals with exactly this idea. Great novel.
VesperalLight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:04:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy stuff
TrollManGoblin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:05:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build a temple devoted to myself.
Coldatahd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:06:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep.
thinkreate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:06:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd move away from my toxic family and probably give an overwhelming majority of the remainder to a charity.
mshavoc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:07:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Absolutely Nothing
Nick_11_94 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:07:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off half my student debt... that's it.
willyscoot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:07:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy me and my family houses. Donate a good bit of it to some charity and then just hope I'm left alone for a long while.
Haywoo111213 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:08:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spend a lot of it on stupid stuff and the rest on sex dolls cough don't ask
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:08:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
probably buy ireland
adriellealways ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:08:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go get a psych eval because I've obviously lost all of my marbles and I don't think they're coming back.
Taxtro1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:08:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get some economists to tell me what to do with so much money, since I have NO idea how to utilize it correctly and neither has the reddit community as it seems.
MrPresident17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:09:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not lend it to America.
accountymchoot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:09:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
give myself gold, i just wanna know how the other half live!
Kamoui ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:09:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed.
weedful_things ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:10:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would ghost my job.
MewNexico ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:11:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay for my aunties cancer treatment.
workitloud ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:11:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put it towards my bills, and get back to work.
juggalofr33k ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:11:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 chicks at the same time, man...
Jahmeni ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:11:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a Nissan 300zx Twin Turbo, a Jeep Wrangler, a small 2-3 bedroom house, and smoke alot of weed.
dankeshanes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:12:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep in.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:13:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a house in multiple places. Pay many years of the taxes associated with each house. Pay off my Mom's house and any bills her and my Stepdad have. Buy a place for my Grandmother to be closer to my Mom. Make sure my parents know they never have to work again. Pay off my bosses house for them. Quit my job but still come every day for shits and giggles. Pay all my debt. Put myself through school for whatever I want to go for.
Much more stuff. This in the first few months, once I've ensured the money is mine
DasBrando ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:13:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Reddit.
tina_the_fat_llama ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:14:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Firstly, I would quit my jobs. Go to school full time instead of part time. Pay for my friends schooling. Then pay for school for people.
curmudge_john ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:14:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Boring answer but here goes 1. Put 10% in a trust for my daughter
Pay off every debt of my family and friends
Mansion for mom
Buy a home for every homeless person on Long Island
Season tickets to the Buffalo Bills in a suite
Private jet to Vegas to party my balls off
Buy a comedy club in Manhattan, not to make money, just to laugh and hang out with comedians
Start a PAC to oust Donald Trump
absumo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:15:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
FrankWolf86 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:15:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off random people student loans. Then build an arena for giant robot fighting
dave-n-knight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:15:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Order pizza with extra cheese
det3punk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:15:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a car guy so I'd buy all of my family cars I could picture them in (I know which ones, I've thought about this extensively) I'd buy most of them houses to live in and for myself I'd buy a house and a shit ton of cars then use the rest to invest and live day to day doing nothing but hanging out with my current friends which just know aren't gold diggers
Swolenado ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:16:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably fall back asleep
blinktodeath ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:17:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Exchange it for euro
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:17:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make Detroit better then LA
Fuckyoursilverware ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:18:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If woke up with that much money, I'd immediately try to fuck over the Trump administration. Fight money with money
StrawberryR ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:19:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job and go to college.
Preacherjonson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:19:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hand in my notice. Buy a canal boat, some beer and snack and ride the mellow seas.
dGaOmDn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:19:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to work, think about my future options while I bust my ass. Devote my off time helping people in need as I keep my new fortune an absolute secret. Only my immediate family would know. My city currently needs a homeless shelter. I would build one and hire counselors to run it, along with a doctor to visit a couple times a week and do check ups.
I would build a new elementary school in my city as it needs the funding to do so. Along with a Waterpark that was promised years ago after they raised taxes. All of the fire fighters and policemen in my city would recieve the best training money could buy. They would recieve new equipment to go along with it. I would also team up with the local military members of VFW and just ask them what they need. Help them out in anyway possible. Whether it be medical or housing.
All the while I would do this silently while still holding my current job, living in the same house, and caring for my children, which would recieve the best education possible. I would set aside money for them, but make it seem like we are somewhat struggling. I wouldn't buy anything nice or new unless it was really needed. I would become the change I want to see in this world.
niewphonix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:20:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
go back to sleep with a smile on my dial
CarolinaGrace ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:20:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start a worldwide free vasectomy charity.
priffy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:21:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give my mom the money she needs to pay off all of her college debt. Save aside the money I need to pay my college debt. Pay off my credit card bill and my car, but a large amount in savings, and another part in a Roth IRA. Lastly, take care of everything I've been wanting to buy but have been putting off due to it being a 'luxury' purchase (aka, I really want but can live without for a while).
qwertyelff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:23:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd actually keep living my life exactly as I had planned to, but make the money work to make it all that much easier. Quickest example would be that I have a big career exam coming up, and with that kind of money I would just hire the best tutors in the world so I wouldn't need to study for a month. With tutors, I could easily cram for about a week. I'd also hire an amazing chef to make me eat healthy/delicious food all the time without me having to lift a finger to do any of the work myself. I'd concentrate on my career and personal life. I'd also finally have the confidence to say how I feel to my bosses and condescending people because I'd have the money safety blanket (ie, I don't have to worry about failing or getting fired). God that would be the best life...
cretinlung ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:24:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Commission a life-size, functional X-Wing fighter.
Theycallmelizardboy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:24:43 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could live off the interest alone for many a lifetimes. I'd give as much of it away as possible or.do the world.some good with it instead of selfishly spending it.
themangastand ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:24:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably just stop school. live at home do programming hobby projects for the rest of my life, anime, video games. So just early retirement. Nothing more than I would do with 10 million.
As long as it's long enough to make me live for a life time I'm just going to do what I want.
Sublimefly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:25:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spend a tenth of it buying control of Trump...
xhhyr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:25:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, first I would just pay off my credit card debts and then order delivery. Then just chill for the rest of the evening. I would keep the entire thing a secret. I would then find a way to pay off friend and family debts anonymously... and then spoil myself just a teeny bit. I'd still keep my job though and save it for a rainy day and live life pretty much the same. Keep my apartment. Finally get a dog. Take more vacations than the none I currently do each year...
IMTHEGODMOTHAFUCKA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:26:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
leave.
CauseImBatman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:26:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just take a deep breath and chill. Cause now I can focus on things that make me happy.
JigMaw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:26:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ring the bank and ask where the rest of my money had gone.
this_joke_sucks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:26:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing
PuffPuff74 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:26:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd say: Wow they really believed this MAGA thing...
And then I'd put on some spray tan.
metalgearzoe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:27:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy my home country.
TheCoolestDucky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:27:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep. If I had 1 trillion dollars, I sure as hell wouldn't need to go to school.
Darth_Master_Vader ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:28:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep
skiboy625 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:28:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How much does it cost to colonize Mars faster than NASA and SpaceX?
MasonSAS3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:28:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed
lampofages ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:29:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Keep sleeping.
PixelSpy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:29:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
probably immediately move out of the country because I imagine the irs would be upset that I owe them what is probably billions in taxes all of the sudden.
lyridsreign ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:30:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate 300 billion each to SpaceX and NASA
Donate 20 billion to the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation
Buy out Blizzard and Valve
Invest in development of Orange Box 2
Dump 30 million into personal savings
Pay every barber and hair stylist in America to no longer give the 'Can I speak to your manager?' haircut.
Then make the rest of the money disappear
Megacell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:30:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Keep a billion for myself, use the rest on student loan debt worldwide, home loans etc.
A trillion is a lot of dollars
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:30:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a mansion in Los Angeles, make sure my family and friends never have to work again, donate a fuckton of money to medical research, hire multiple bodyguards, hire multiple lawyers, build a panic room / fallout shelter, pay for every animal at my local animal shelter to be adopted, and spend the rest of my life doing whatever the hell I want.
markhomer2002 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:31:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Become the first child prime Minister of the UK Via bribes, use a good portion of the money to fix the country, Rule King Mark Bitches (Joking please don't send someone to bump me off lol)
Blade2587 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:31:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably pay off all my debts and the debts of my family members and close friends...after that...probably buy a pretty nice house then invest in some property. Probably buy a nice car or two
littlemsmuffet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:32:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call the bank and make sure it's suppose to be there!!
crazydog99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:33:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Disappear. Poof
BluePower101 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:36:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First tell no one ever. Second give donate under many different names 1 Billion dollars to NASA. Third put the rest in veriest bank account, stock, etc. Get credit/debit cards for some of the banks and start buying what ever I wanted.
Stuntnuts90 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:36:37 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I tell you what I'd do, man. Two chicks at the same time. I think if I had 1 trillion dollars, I could swing that.
Mamlymein ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:36:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a pack of cigarrets
DQLouise ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:36:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Upgrade my flights to business/first class for my trip in november. Give enough to let my parents pay off the mortage, buy my brother a house for him and his girlfriend then put everything else into savings.
Alcohol_n_Hate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:37:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cocaine.
Raaava ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:37:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a country
Strawberry_backhand ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:37:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Id probably give all my close friends atleast 20k each. Family members (that I like) would be given around 200k USD and any school debt they still had would be paid for. This is all under the pretense that if they ever mentioned my net worth to anyone I'd immediately drop contact. I wouldn't want anyone to know how much I had, hell I'd even lie to my parents and tell them it was less than 3 million from the lottery.
Then I'd probably just travel and try to be the youngest person to visit every country in the world.
godmode123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:39:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spend it
_Winking_Owl_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:39:44 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, I'm a high schooler, so I don't have any college loans, but my best friend is about to go to college. He can't go where he wants because of money, but I'll make sure he can.
Then I'll buy something extravagant to announce my wealth. My school district recently decided to build an immensely expensive football stadium. I'll double that amount and give it to the departments that got fucked over, such as the swim department. (I'm a swimmer.) I'd also make sure that the school board knows that this is a fuck you, and have everyone from all the High Schools sign a huge ass banner and put it somewhere in clear sight of their office. I feel like this would make a lot of people happy, and also be a good way to tell some dick heads that I'll see them in hell.
Since I don't have to go to school for to make money any more I'll go to school to become a writer and an artist. I enjoy both, I'm just not very good at them, and I want a job that doesn't require luck. But since I would have the money, I could do what I want when I want.
I'll also buy a mansion and turn the back yard into a theme park. Because I can. I'll make suites for my family and close friends live in if they wish. I'll also be sure that Wifi encompasses the whole thing. I'll have all kinds of parties and meet people that I find interesting.
I think I would also do critical role like Dungeons and Dragons. I just think that would be fun.
Basically just sit around and do rich people shit.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:39:45 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get in touch with Sam Harris and make him my tutor hahaa
Jordevo42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:40:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
.....Forfeit the money to the government to help pay off the national debt! No brainier.
CariniWaves ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:40:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed.
When I wake up, start planning to buy the next US election - tax the 1% - try and redistribute the wealth - roast trump the whole time
ohmakersbreath ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:40:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Save that shit for law school, pay off student loans.
Savvy-or-die ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:40:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Destroy the trump empire
bhawke01 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:41:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep. Waking up at 2:30 am isn't worth my job anymore. Wake up and find out it's all gone and curse the world.
MasterofTag ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:41:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off the United States debt. oh wait
secretfiveotaku ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:42:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the country. Fuck it up. Be in history books forever. Sadly, someone beat me to me last year.
Mvrni ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:42:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would do the typical, pay off parents and siblings debt, buy a house for them, put some into savings for when I have a family and use the rest to travel. That is, if I got the money legally and if not? I'll be living like a dead man
Falcoid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:43:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep in
a_natural_mistake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:43:25 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One art, please!
aut0matix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:43:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The bank would probably take my overdraft fees out and I might have enough left over to get a cheeseburger for lunch.
ElvishMysticIsOP ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:43:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest 900 billion, put 99.99 billion into my savings account, go on a shopping spree with the remaining 1 million.
skolstory ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:45:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They've fucked me for 13 years and now it's my turn to fuck them.
I spent 1 Billion dollars on the best game developers, fantasy writers, fans, and designers. Build HALF LIFE 3. Hit every fucking copywrite, doesn't matter, infringe upon it. Give steam the fucking money, I don't care...put out a game 1000x better than them but curb the story away from whatever they could possibly be doing. Get it done in a year, pay 2000 beta testers to make it flawless and just take that shit over but bring it to an end that makes sense, is amazing, but someone ruins whatever Valve would do.
casualblair ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:45:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a suburb of Los Angeles and encourage the LGBTQ community to move there via subsidies and community improvements/events until I have gotten the straight outta Compton.
NWmba ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:46:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's some start-a-space-country money!
Arydus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:46:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed
Splash1995 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:47:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunt muslim scum with an ak 47
WINNING39 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:47:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whatever the fuck I want
Ninja_Guin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:47:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Be sad I still can't afford a Death Star
DrWhaleLove ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:48:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Assuming this is in cash, I'd hide it privately somewhere in my room, where no one would find it. I don't want to paint a big red target on my head, and if my family found out they'd probably take it from me and all for themselves.
I know this would happen because when I was 4 I was walking down a snowy street about 10 or so metres ahead of my mother. I found a ยฃ10 note, pick it up and get all excited, before she reaches over, takes it from my hands, says 'Thanks', and proceeds to buy 10 lottery tickets with it, wins ยฃ100, and then uses all of that on lottery tickets and then doesn't win anything.
mememaking ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:52:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love how you say you would hide it. Here's a link that shows what 1 trillion dollars looks like in 100 dollar bills.
http://www.pagetutor.com/trillion/index.html
DrWhaleLove ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:11:52 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I never said I would hide it well.
oeynhausener ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:48:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
give it away give it away give it away give it away now ๐ธ๐ถ๐ธ
NoFlayNoPlay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:49:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Think about the best way to spend it. Forever.
davwman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:49:29 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Netflix and chill.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:49:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest half of it into top of the line bitcoin miners at a datacenter. Use the other half to design a better and more secure (through granular control and hardware switches of mic and video and every sensor) cellphone.
rslogic42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:51:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would honestly finish out the two-week notice that I have already given. Even though I hate the job I couldn't leave my friends there short-handed.
However, if I could BUY a replacement (i.e. offer several people a decent amount of money to cover my last 5, 12 hour shifts), I'd do that instead.
Then do the road trip I've been planning with my new fuel-efficient vehicle (unsure exactly which one yet). Probably hire a driver or two so I can chillax. Definitely try to bribe a certain ex I still fancy to go with me. Offer to pay for her college or somethin.
After that...find happiness. Maybe Sarah has enjoyed the time/road trip with me and we figure it out together. Maybe I get a degree that's actually useful and a job I like? Dunno if I should be left to my own devices with all that money and no responsibilities...
edit: punctuation
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:52:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I'm being honest, a harem of 500 super attractive girls. Could pay em a million dollars a year or something, which if I live around 60 more years would only cost me 30 billion dollars total which is only 3% of my total money. I'd give a ton of money away to charities and humanitarian efforts, also to friends and family. Tour the world, eat my way through Europe and Asia. Drain Loch Ness to see if the monster was real. Carve a giant dick into the moon. I would be like Bill Gates if he was insane and with significantly more hookers.
Itsmoney05 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:53:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
3 chicks
Balistair8219 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:53:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://youtu.be/vw5jrFX82so
shelikeslurpee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:53:33 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not worry if I have enough money for dinner
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:53:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Continue to live normally. Spend what I need, retire (at 22), live in relative comfort for the rest of my life. Would never dream of spending the whole lot in case I fucked up the global economy or something. Maybe find a way to anonymously whittle it away to charitable funds around the world. Try not to draw attention to myself.
MrSheoth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:54:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing. Sweet, sweet nothing...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:54:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a house, a big one. Somewhere like Finland.
Sit inside and get drunk as fuck on my own everyday while playing vidya games.
I'd hire a hundred sexy women to be naked around me, and compliment me.
Then I'd die within five years and leave all my money to an investment company that only invests in worthy British start ups. So that TV's, fridges, cars... just so more are made in the UK and theres more high paying jobs for my countrymen.
NatchBlaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:55:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed. I clearly have zero cares from this point forward.
GOODLOOKINGTODD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:55:06 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Leave it to my family and cause myself the coolest death ever
MisterPenguin42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:55:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get the bank and some intelligence agencies together and honeypot the shit out of some would-be hackers and identity thieves.
Post some screencaps in the aftermath and enjoy my day of fame, hopefully on The Late Show with Colbert.
raptorista ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:55:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off all of the student loans for my mom, boyfriend, and I.
Buy us new cars and houses.
Start a scholarship fund.
Travel around the world for a few years.
Invest in any product/stock/anything I believe in.
Hire an attorney, stock broker, body guard, and personal assistant.
Start a boarding school where foster children from families with domestic abuse are paired with abused animals. Kind of a school meets foster home meets animal shelter.
Fund Planned Parenthood.
Build a BDSM dungeon.
Arko505 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:55:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 chicks at the same time
TsuruXelus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:56:23 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would calculate how much in taxes i would have to pay at the end of the year. Then with whatever is left. Keep 2 million for myself to live off of for the rest of my life playing video games and supporting my family, then set aside $500,000 for a number of families, they would have to explain why they deserve $500,000 for their family and tell me what plans they have to be able to live a normal life with $500,000. (i.e if you tell me you are going to buy a fancy car and a big house within the first year, of getting it then oops, sorry you just lost your chance at $500k)
LordVald ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:56:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
raise the salary of every teacher in the world.
iamsomebodyawesome ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:56:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
pay taxes
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:56:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job Pay off student loans Pay off credit cards Pay off my house Give my house to a needy person Move to the beach Drink tequila for the rest of my life
czynips ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:57:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Walk into work naked, step on to the desk of my boss, squat down and take a shit while never breaking eye contact with that cocksucker. Then I'd sit in the elevator and wait for the cops. After we're in the car headed to the station I'll give them each $10,000,000.00 to take me home. Rub one out, take a nap, and order Domino's when I wake up.
winston_teabag ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:57:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd be dead within a week, but what a week it'd be
helpnxt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:57:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take over an industry probably vegetables or energy
Bombrik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:59:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Firefly Season 2.
Viv_a_Vi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:59:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would be so overwhelmingly paranoid with that amount of money.
weedful_things ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:59:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would put a platinum credit card in my mom's name and take her to pick out a new car. Probably everyone else in the family would get a chunk of money every year. Maybe set up nieces, nephews and grandkids with a vehicle when they are ready and a college fund.
I would set up trusts for worthy causes.
I have always wanted to be able to pick a city, rent the best penthouse suite in the best hotel around. When I have seen and done everything the area has to offer, I would pick another spot on the map and do it again.
This is what I like to think I would do. Realistically I would probably spend most of my time online shitposting on different forums. So, yeah, not much would change.
nerd866 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:00:09 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Freak out about much more interesting problems than I have right now.
Barack_Bob_Oganja ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:00:18 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seize the means of production
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:00:45 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
breakfast
DopeMeme_Deficiency ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:01:24 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A billion, billion dollars? Probably cause inflation...
rcarnes911 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:02:42 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy comsuck and turn it into a non profit the rest would be invested into solar panels and given away to low income families
frohardorfrohome ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:03:14 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy a Ferrari F40 and floor it til the cops put me in jail. Then I would buy the jail.
anarrogantbastard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:03:46 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire a really good accountant and lawyer, find a nicer place to live, finish school, consider quitting work. Then I'd set up a really massive arts funding board with half of the money, preferably set up to be self sustaining through investments and interest.
possiblysabrina ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:04:36 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to London in England and buy a townhouse somewhere close to where I'm living right now. Surprisingly I'd still work, as I will probably become quite bored.
tpow12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:04:39 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Absolutely nothing
Dont_like_my_comment ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:05:18 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks, same time.
takatori ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:05:19 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to Mars.
MrYanu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:05:32 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Immediately pay off my student loans and the student loans of my friends and brothers. Then I'd take some money aside and invest.
Then with the money I have left, I'd pay off the loans of every other student from my school. If I have more money after that (doubt it), I'd use the money to buy a small and cozy condo somewhere and put the money away somewhere for my future children and family.
And, of course, I would do this all anonymously.
Plusran ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:05:56 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1: lawyer and protection services for my family 2: fight climate change 3: learn every musical instrument and language been aching for 4: travel
YourcommentisVstupid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:05:59 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Leave Earth. See all ya motherfuckers in hell.
spartan-44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:07:54 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hit snooze.
ehco ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:09:12 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drugs. Lots of drugs. Set my parents up, set my brother and his family up. Then lots more drugs
TurbinePro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:09:14 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep
upsidwn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:09:24 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Finally be able to afford a computer that can play crisis
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:09:51 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep
Kitchen_Sink_Man ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:10:31 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a bunch of stocks in Apple. Then spoil myself. Duh.
slowshot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:10:40 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bulldoze the Dumb Ass.
HuffHuffington ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:10:44 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not go into work and buy a big mac for a friend.
Sanhael ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:11:42 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd start a publishing house to ensure that all my indie author friends got a good deal. The usual attending to the needs of family and friends. I'm not concerned with founding a dynasty; I'd rather leave a lasting legacy. I'd double NASA's budget for the next 10 years, give them a chance to showcase what they can accomplish for the economy. I'd go into alternative energy with Bill Gates and Elon Musk. I'd provide funding to some of the independent Mars missions, and support asteroid mining. Start a few companies for shits and giggles; found a charity that gives out free hats to fat people. Undermine the established left and right, and usher in a government of moderates.
I'm sure there's a lot more I could do with that kind of cash; ultimately, as long as I've got about $8 million to see to my needs for the rest of my life, and my niece and nephew can both go to college, I'm not too concerned.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:11:43 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Move out of Zimbabwe.
Kaung1999 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:11:59 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not go to school. I don't need education cause i won't be able to spend this much money my lifetime.
JasperThePenguin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:12:21 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Convert it to another currency then convert back, and boom if My plan works money would flow
KeNtEr85 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:12:51 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would be the first person in history to overdose on marijuana. Lol jk I would just smoke a shit ton of weed.
culesamericano ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:13:06 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
suffocate...i live in small studio.
Jarhyn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:13:50 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Microsoft, have all the API bugs fixed, open all of them as public standards and open source all their code before divesting. Buy Google/DeepMind and find the project with at least an additional 2 billion annually for 50 years. Buy Level-3 and immediately suspend all contracts with all last-mile providers pending contractual obligation to eliminate paid peering and to replace all copper technologies with fiber over a 10 year period. Spend as much as it takes on buying politicians off, to open stem cell research up again. And of course make a payment my student loan.
chaser305 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:13:56 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whatever I wanted
Legilimensea ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:14:14 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would probably immediately start researching charities and end up donating at least 95% of it. 5% is waaaaay more than I could ever use so I would probably just pamper those around me with that. I'd buy a shit ton of craft supplies.
ZetaLightning94 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:14:35 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm buying the university that I just applied to..
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:15:02 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Travel the world, buy a house on the beach, and write and publish a book.
nahuatlwatuwaddle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:15:06 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bury it in a remote location and continue living as if nothing had changed, but always having enough money.
BodhisattvaJones ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:15:11 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Vanish.
JackM10 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:15:21 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just give random people lots of cash, such as
Go to a homeless shelter, make it rain.
Give a waiter/waitress the tip of a lifetime.
Give someone 5k, tell them it's just a prank for YouTube, then give them 100k. Emotional rollercoaster would be crazy.
Make a scholarship fund for people.
And of course the usual never work, nice cars and houses for myself and family, world traveling etc.
Lorunification ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:15:43 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Asking myself where all my money went, probably.
screw_all_the_names ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:15:50 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm going to assume it's Reddit question magic, and there are no repercussions to me now having that much money.
I would give a billion away to each of my 5 closest friends. Then I'd start looking for houses around the area I want to live, or into building a house in that area, nothing super extravagant. Then I'd buy my dream car, buy my parents a house. Buy the best gaming pc I can afford and proceed to only play rocket league.
Florida_Diver ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:15:59 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd fix Flint Michigan.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:16:00 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would build a company. Mission to get to mars and colonize. But only the people I want to go with me. Get all the hardware and rockets up and to mars and build my own place there. Mars is mine now - fawk earth.
I will build a big telescope on my mars planet and look in on earth from time to time. Maybe I send a postcard every year by rocket. Hi from mars, stay away or I will blow your spacship up. This planet belongs to me.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:16:21 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep for once and not have to work, do schoolwork, or work more
r361k ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:16:23 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There was a post in here about what to do if you win the lottery. I'd go back and find that, and do exactly what it says. I'd start off by not telling a soul.
reddit6500 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:16:27 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Use it to defray part of the money I pay for therapy.
GhettoAssDuck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:16:34 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off student loans debts in my state and once a year, id make one hard working soul a millionaire. Then invest in things to make it grow. You don't stay rich by spending it
Sugarcola ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:17:05 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i'd elon musk'it
shortoldbaldfatdrunk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:17:33 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
(1) take a piss (2) put on robe and slippers (3) have coffee (4) read news sites (5) decide how to start the day.
billiards-warrior ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:17:40 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Step one, Hire some really good security. Ex navy seals or something. Step two, anything I feel like doing
skinlesspanda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:19:05 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Turn off my phone and go back to sleep.
norcal51 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:19:38 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take care of the homeless problem in the USA as well as take care of our vets. I have no use for all that money
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:20:28 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kill myself
SnaggyKrab ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:21:11 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off student loans.
Pay off my family's student loans.
Travel.
Live a life of adventure alongside any of my friends who want to join me.
Send random things through the mail to random people.
Get bored.
Get involved with gambling on muay Thai fights in Thailand.
Lose badly.
Get pissed.
Buy Thailand.
Live on the beach. Change the flag to a picture of Morgan Freeman.
Change the national anthem to Morgan Freeman's reading of "Go The Fuck To Sleep."
Become incredibly unpopular do to my wild decisions and poor management skills.
Be forced out of the country by a military coup.
Escape by helicopter while towing a banner with a picture of me flipping the bird.
Fly to Cambodia.
Crash in the jungle because even though I bought a Chinook I couldn't be bothered to pay for flying lessons.
Escape grievously injured.
Be found and nursed back to health by rural inhabitants deep in the jungle.
Have them teach me their ways of surviving in the jungle.
Live off the land, hunting and foraging for my own food.
Be tracked down by Thai mercenaries who are still pissed that I cheated them out of muay Thai gambling money.
Become Rambo.
Go America all over their asses.
Steal their cargo plane.
Fly it to Japan.
Crash again. Dem flying lessons doe.
Emerge amazingly unscathed.
Sell wreckage to some kid for some Yen or whatever.
Buy a ticket back to the states.
Hitchhike home.
Get my old job back, move in with friends.
Be better off than I was before I left even with the emotional and physical trauma I endured living along in the jungle simply because I don't have to worry about my student loans any more and don't have to listen to my family whine about theirs.
After that? I dunno, probably lurk on here some more.
loneassassin1015 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:21:36 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would pay off all the bills I owe and then do the same old shit.
And in case people would want to try and kidnap me, I would try to make a will stating in the event of my death or kidnapping to give it all away
_Derpy_Dino_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:21:42 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wake up again.
Blondie2112 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:22:07 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy a bitchin house, the bitchinist computer, spoil the shit outta my family, spoil the shit outta my GF, spoil the shit outta my favorite camgirls, then donate a whole bunch to whatever. Probably also pay off a dickton of people's college loans.
DruidOfDiscord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:22:11 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ugh I'd be like shit uh okay to Lichtenstein Luxembourg whatever then I'd put all my money in there banks. Uh then I'd start like a massive green corporation problem is not getting conned or taken advantage of... Save the planet. Just. Save the fucking planet
Hero0ftheday ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:22:15 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off student loans and get into politics. That's what rich people do right?
Kevzrapz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:23:32 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy Facebook, and I would shut it down for good.
HardStyleBankers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:23:35 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, with that amount of money I would pay all my bills. Buy a large plot of land somewhere secluded with a large and well equipped house. Then retire there with my SO. I doubt it gets much better than that and I'm not a nice enough person to go around helping people when I could ensure her happiness.
Rex_Laso ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:23:43 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rent Lindsey Lohan, visit Peter Luger's Steakhouse, and buy a nice island somewhere. Like Japan.
Impulsespeed37 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:23:43 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is it bad that just the idea of having all the time I desire to do what I want to do makes me super excited. Not having to go to work, fix stuff around the house, chase after diner. I'm be thrilled by that simple fact. The money would just be a tool to enjoy all that time.
Gurip ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:24:12 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
first thing? call a taxi, second? drive to the love of my life and take her and fly where ever.
briannana13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:24:21 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i would get a passport, pay off my student loans, my brothers loans, my friends loans, pay off my moms house, my boyfriends moms house, all of my family members houses, buy myself a house, buy houses for my brothers, buy a beach house in the bahamas, buy a winter cabin in colorado, buy only designer clothes (donate everything i already have) buy jimmy choo (the company and every shoe they make in a size 9), buy a yacht and someone to drive the yacht, buy an airplane and a pilot, travel everywhere twice. hire a personal trainer and lose 20 lbs (buy new designer clothes for my healthy ass), open a bakery and sell everything for free and only hire special needs citizens. travel everywhere again. buy a huge farm and rescue every dog
kehamilton ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:24:39 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drop out of school and get a trainer
Husqvarna5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:24:43 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep.
NoseFlock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:25:02 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start a business then offer to hire everyone I went to High School with. I would pay COO wages to watch my ex-bullies scrub toilets everyday.
shaan1232 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:25:20 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Be 1 trillion dollars poorer
Solid2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:26:04 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I will ask Reddit what they would do if they woke up with 1 trillion dollars.
MattRooney ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:26:08 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whatever the fuck I want
bluemaciz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:26:27 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My coworker and discussed this. We came to buying rainforest land and hire MC Hammer to dance and sing "Can't Touch This" to guard it.
-anklebiter- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:26:29 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Turn my Sim life into my real life
MintFlavouredCracker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:27:57 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would place 500 Billion into a TFSA and not touch it until I was good and wrinkly. The rest I would use to move somewhere more exciting than the Canadian Prairies, buy a modest house, build an underground garage under the house. Get a couple of nice cars and bikes
hammerheadzoid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:28:05 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make a second season of Firefly! What else is more important?
keymaster16 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:28:08 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Step 1: put it in an account that gives me money for having money.
Step 2: work on solving various world issues, starting with free Internet.
MeMuzzta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:28:58 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Share out 99% of it.
Live happily and comfortably on the the remaining 1%.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:29:41 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not go to work tomorrow. Or ever again
EatGulp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:30:04 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off everyone's student loans and drown in mad pussy.
fireman244 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:30:43 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
but comcast and all companies through comcast make them less shitty
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:31:34 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Other than the amount to keep to have my life be much, much much better. I'd give the bulk of it to Bill Gates foundation, or just cut a check to Elon Musk for whatever Bond villain plans he wants.
seriousment ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:31:50 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my law school debt. Make enormous charitable gifts to the nonprofit organizations I have worked for since graduating and to the schools that provided me need and merit based scholarships. Buy a house in my hometown, the French Riviera, southern California, Hawaii, northern Maine, and New York. Set up a trust to pay for my children's, nieces', and nephews' educational expenses, and establish a foundation to make future charitable gifts. Set up another trust to fund the next few generations' educational and travel expenses.
two100meterman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:32:22 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Move out of my parents house.
dsherwoodmathman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:33:42 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep.
XEdgeLord72xx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:33:52 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy 1trillon dollars worth of steel in For Honor cuz I'm trash
Green_6 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:34:14 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Immediately go to r/personalfinance
magnum_hunter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:34:30 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck family law, go back to sleep. Then buy the university and replace the whole staff with people who are not morons... or monkeys, even monkeys would do a better job.
Siansian010 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:35:12 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cry, then find and buy a home here for my family and one in Utah for my in-laws. Get one new car. Buy all the baby stuff we'll need for our first kid that's popping out in august. Pay any debt between my husband and I, then my moms debt and then my i laws then my dads and step moms. Put some away for the saving for our kid. Buy my dog the best toys and treats. Buy my friend Jeo a home for him and his daughter. Help pay my friend luke to finish remodeling his home that we currently live in with him. Open up a new account specifically for savings to put the rest in, and go to Disneyland/world twice a year. I'd still keep my job part time for medical, but I'd give my husband the option to not work. Then we will budget so we don't worry about running out and we can enjoy our life's and time with our loved ones.
Ladyofthehighcourt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:38:07 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First I'll check my phone and spend an hour in bed scrolling through reddit before I confront the money I'm presented with. I'm very keen on routine like that.
Adamdidit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:38:19 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not wear pants as often as legally possible
Mordecai556 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:38:27 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy me my brother and 4 sisters and all medium sized houses, I would give at least 10 MIL to my parents so they can be set for retirement. I would follow this with giving $500,000 to each of my siblings so they can be covered on bills. Take my whole family on vacation and set some aside for a college education. After college probably spend some completing my bucket list. I'm already running out that is a lot of money maybe buy a private jet I guess on top of that and the donate some to start a scholarship fund and invest some to have it last longer. That's all I got so far.
calvi69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:38:27 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy Hollywood and become the biggest movie/tv producer ever, and try to make a name for myself and get super famous and hopefully people will love my stuff. But then after I've made a name for myself, I'll start taking really good movie ideas and premises and making them into a random mix of super amazing movies, terrible movies, and seemingly super amazing movies that end abruptly with a bad pun. Anyone who disapproves just gets either paid off or fired, and no one can stop my evil reign of Hollywood. No amount of artistic integrity is worth turning down the massive paychecks that I can give out, and I can do whatever I want. People will perpetually be in fear of getting invested in films only to have the entire film torn to pieces in the last two minutes, their worlds shattered by unstoppable, terrible puns and other annoying wordplay. Even when the films are actually good, everyone will be too anxious and nervous to enjoy them because they'll be worried right up until the end that whatever fantastical movie world they're experiencing is just a setup for an elaborate and really really lame joke.
I'd also upgrade my netflix account.
Dont_go_out_there ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:38:50 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Count it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:40:10 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
After a week long panic attack, I'd like to say I would donate most to a reputable charity, then invest the other portion. I'd would LIKE think I would do that, but in actuality, I'd try to become Batman.
DaniliniHD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:40:32 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a country and become god-dictator of Danland
edit: I could buy any country from number 16 downwards:
So some of the countries I could buy include:
I could buy the Caribbean, most if not all of the pacific islands or most of Africa (not all of it though, too many countries).
bumps- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:40:48 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I might do what Todd Chavez did and just get rid of it to go back the life I'm used to. Will probably donate it to the Gates Foundation.
S62anyone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:41:18 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fly to capcom in Japan and throw millions at everyone and say "I want the resident evil 2 remake NOW!!!"
repairman1988 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:43:04 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is late but, I'd buy my girlfriend a dialysis machine for use at home. I'd also get her an entire team of personal nurses and doctors. Then I'd fund research involving lupus and chronic kidney disease. Id make her life as comfortable as possible. Then, I'd propose and give her the wedding she's always wanted even though that's never been my thing.
I've never had anyone (in terms of family) and the idea of someone genuinely supporting and loving me is almost alien. But this woman has stuck by me through even my worst struggles with my childhood demons and current disabilities. She has supported me through thick and thin. Even while dealing with her own condition and issues. I love her so much and I was worried for the longest time I'd never be capable of giving it or receiving it. Whatever's left over after making her as comfortable and happy as possible, I'd give away to others. I care about money only as a means of helping her. Thanks for the opportunity to share.
zodiki ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:43:30 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The same thing I do every day - try to take over the world.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:43:42 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Keep 1 billion for myself, already WAY more than I could ever need. The other 999 billion go into charities, funding renewable clean energy projects and campaigning against environmentally damaging shit, funding NASA and SpaceX, etc.
Veneboy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:43:59 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pinch myself ... several times, then do the tom cruise dance in my tighty whiteys.
MFRoyer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:44:51 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate to a variety of non-profits that focus their efforts on poverty, diseases, and/or social issues.
BurritoInABowl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:45:09 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Breathe. Duh.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:45:36 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get as much of it converted to cash as possible and run away before the IRS or some enterprising economist catches on.
I imagine an extra $1,000,000,000,000 in circulation would mess up the economy.
wasdtomove ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:45:49 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to a CPA.
MacNeal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:46:28 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Help humanity by putting Trump out of business.
TheNinthAxis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:55:46 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So you could fire all his employees, that makes since.
earthlyguy42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:13:28 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
for no apparent motive other than to make him fall. smart.
TheNinthAxis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:15:46 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Typical lefty, cut off your nose to spite your face. Hopefully no one that hates his boss will buy the company he works for.
MacNeal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:01 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Other employers (such as the hypothetical trillionaire me) would hire people to fill the void. The jobs and market would still be there, not like they just "disappear".
Chaosrayne9000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:46:30 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would rent Liechtenstein for the rest of my life (at $70,000 a night according to google). I would do my best to buy or bribe whoever I had to in order to basically buy this country.
I would vastly improve all of the county's infrastructure. The best roads, an amazing high speed rail system, the best schools and hospitals. I would make the countries around me upgrade their road and rails too (and subsidize a good chunk of it).
I would convert my home (massive castle) into a floating/flying castle that just hovers in the center of the country.
Every October I would turn Liechtenstein into the best Haunted House ever.
I would finance television shows and movies I wanted to watch. I would encourage people to make new shit and stop rehashing the same garbage over and over again for profit.
I would let it be known that badass scientists and research companies with great ideas can live in Liechtenstein with me for free and I'll finance all of their research.
I would buy the best talent in the aerospace industry. I would then put a very serious effort into getting off of earth and building space habitats or living on other planets.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:47:05 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Withdraw it all. It was clearly a mistake.
kwhere1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:47:23 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay rent in advance for like the next 10 years, quit my job, and then do fuck all for like ever. Maybe buy some kind of business or something and hire someone to run it for me so I'll never run out of money. Then I'll just do whatever the hell I want until I die or run out of money.
Disera ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:47:48 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First things first, I would get the fuck out of my boyfriends dad's house. The guy is fucking sociopathic.
earthlyguy42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:13:06 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit. You should do that right now actually
Disera ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:24:48 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair, he's not literally a sociopath, but he is bi-polar and it is BAD. I have several bi-polar people in my family, but I've never seen it this bad. Like, he can't mask it even a little bit. My aunt is pretty bad I guess, but if you met her you'd assume she's just a normal person. With my boyfriend's dad, the second he speaks you immediately know there's something not right going on.
time013 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:48:23 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Die of a heart attack.
IfIwazadamayor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:48:28 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy up ALL the lottery tickets.
And still lose ๐ .
charliecastel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:48:31 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy a McDonald's chef who knows the secrets of the McRib. Like, I'd buy the actual guy. I'd have them make me McRibs year-round. I don't even like McRibs but year-round McRibs... that's some trillionaire shit, right there.
Kobym ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:49:18 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep
chube94 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:49:48 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would hit up brunch everyday for the rest of my life and get my Bloody Mary on
acris_venator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:49:58 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to work, work a full day, tell the CEO to fuck right off, and walk out the door.
noahmoonwhisper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:50:33 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Finally get Reaganomics working.
Too-Much_Dog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:51:11 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy myself the presidency; or a good long-range rifle and an escape plan.
bornwithatail ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:51:12 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Day 1: Organise immediate surgery with the best knee doctor on earth to reconstruct my poor old Mum's knees. Fuck this public health system waiting list bullshit. Then I'd buy her a mansion and hire a nurse and a physio and whoever else she'd need to recover.
Day 2: Just blow money like I got the world's biggest tax return. Fancy clothes, stupid gadgets, Seinfeld DVD box set, a huge house with a full size basketball court in the basement and a tricked out Range Rover with bulletproof windows. Also, a gold collar and a butcher shop for my dog.
Day 3: Fuck, I dunno. How about the Bahamas? If I like them I'll buy them.
mblack1234 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:53:10 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd sleep in.
Torque115 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:53:24 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy every oil and gas company and shut them down.
thatsMRnick2you ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:54:08 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the Cleveland cavaliers
EzzyEnri ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:54:16 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ruin the economy
HomicidalNymph ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:55:06 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep in. Fuck working.
Wampanoag5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:57:07 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep
champzors ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:58:23 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bet 100 Million on a single game of Craps
giraffecause ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:58:45 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Find the fuckers who stole half of my money.
(You know, I haven't woken up yet, let me dream...)
Twoblikemike ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:58:48 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll tell you what I'd do man, I'd do two chicks at the same time man.
rangeo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:59:14 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep in
SpuriusKenyon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:00:03 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Morning ham-shank
Ricky_the_Rocketship ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:02:13 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eat some eggs
witchsalt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:02:15 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
crash the economy
Kurt1z_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:02:52 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Panic
earthlyguy42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:11:38 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
always a smart thing to do.
clearandpresent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:03:13 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably take a shower like I usually do
A_really_clever_pun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:03:45 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire a money management team, a team of lawyers, and a security detail. Give my friends and family 10 million each. Buy homes in every place I've ever wanted to live. Set another 5 billion aside to retire when I want to. Then hire a thinktank to come up with the best ways to benefit humanity with the rest.
Teuthex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:04:07 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Relax.
Destinlegends ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:04:20 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Disney land.
Bagfaceman2014 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:04:51 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Change it to pounds
C00bahR00bah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:05:39 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's not possible, but damn if I wouldn't at least try to pull a Scrooge McDuck, swimming around in all my cash.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:05:55 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As an actual serious answer, I would first off take 20 billion for my personal needs as in my family, recreational, etc. 20 bil should be enough to support my whole family for a couple of generations. But now for the important part. As a person who's grandpa was effected with dementia, I'd donate 10 bil to try to find better treatments for the mental illnesses that make one forget about loved ones. Also, i would donate up to 100 bil to try to get the cure of cancer, incurable stds like hiv or herpes. Then, another 20 bil to the charities for the ex veterans (I'm in the Us btw). There's nothing more disgusting than veterans who risked there lives for us to come back to a land who doesn't care about them. Another 100 bil on improving Americas social classes and economy. I would put a large sum of money to keep social security, and create a system that pays for all of the student debt for the more unfortunate people who cannot afford it. How does it make sense, your having to pay to get an education, education is a right not a product or item you must purchase. Obviously donate a couple billion to some Global relief charity like Red Cross. Probably donate a lot of money and form a team that can find a way to get rid of harmful pollutants on earth, and donate more money to nasa because we need to find out more about space. Also donate a lot of money and create places in which people of my religion can pray in and also use more money on cleaning up the streets and land of my country. I'd probably still be left with liek 300 bil? I'd hold on to the rest to see if there would be anymore actual needs for it in the future.
bubblegoose ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:06:37 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fix the U.S. political system. Implement Lawrence Lessig's ideas with me funding it. I would spend $5 billion every year for me to fund all U.S. Congress, Senate, and Presidential elections, spent evenly among legitimate candidates, the only condition being they could not use any other funding except small donations from individual citizens.
Boom, level playing field.
Maybe another $1 Billion to educate voters and getting the voting system changed (elections on Saturdays for a start).
nomogoslo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:07:15 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Blow it!!!
Floridamned ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:07:39 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A trillion is 50 Billion a year for 20 years.
1: Move to Albania.
2: Invest in Albania on an unprecedented scale.
3: Announce my candidacy for "Temporary MFIC for 5 years with a reversion to the Parliamentary Republic at the end of that 5 years."
4: Become MFIC of a country. Make that my official title. Go to political events and be addressed as "MotherFucker In Charge, Albania"
4a: Encourage joint NATO exercises with particular emphasis and focus on joint long term ventures with American units.
4b: Enjoy the word of mouth advertising for the tourism industry.
5: Dump all but 50 billion of the remaining fortune into infrastructure, education and a permanent fund for them both.
5a: aggressive anti corruption and nepotism laws/enforcement for the duration.
6: Dump 49 billion into a fiber "internet for all" program.
7: End my tenure as MFIC and buy a summer home in Iceland or Norway, and enjoy mild and wet Mediterranean Winters in coastal lowland Albania.
8: Since I'm still obscenely wealthy, maintain a US residence.
khan_the_terrible ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:07:45 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start a good ISP.
2016TrumpMAGA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:07:48 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd give away all but about 10 million. 10 million is enough for me to have everything I ever dreamed of, and to keep me from being a target for kidnappers/extortionists/scammers and all the legions of scum my trillion dollars would attract.
Schihl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:08:26 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job, marry my girl, get a quaint house out in the countryside and enjoy the rest of my life with my wife and family.
Thisguysknows ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:08:33 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Reddit.
earthlyguy42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:10:39 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
then what?
NitroSRT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:08:34 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate 99% of it to NASA
MuaddibMcFly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:09:33 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put it in a frequently calculating interest bearing account (at least once a week).
If it's legitimately mine:
akblonde907 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:11:06 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
smile, then go back to sleep until the afternoon
reg-o-matic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:11:53 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drink a cup of coffee, take a dump, brush my teeth.
Then buy a fleet of yachts and an airline, maybe one or two small countries.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:12:04 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed.
daemon_panda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:13:17 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my debt. Maybe buy a burrito with what is left
_Mayhem_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:14:23 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy some sharks and mount fricken' laser beams on their heads.
And do two chicks at once.
CyberpunkPie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:15:07 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off the rest of my fine. Pay off my debts. Move out and get myself a nice apartment. Pay for driving classes to finally get my driving licence. After 2 or 3 years, move out of the country to Netherlands with my girlfriend, get an apartment while we're building a house. With trillion dollars that I've exchanged to Euros, we never have to work again, so we focus purely on our art projects, traveling and enjoying life.
Cheddybear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:15:30 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy substantially sized plots of land in every state/country. Have a nice slightly oversized house with a wraparound porch in the middle of 1,000 acres with a heated paved driveway leading to a 100 stall garage filled with muscle, classic, sport cars, motorcycles, quads, dirt bikes, snow mobiles, etc.. I would have a hangar and a personal runway for my p51 mustang. Travel the world. Donate my monthly interest which basically any % of 1 trillion would be an extreme amount. Buy family and friends what ever they want. RELAX A LOT.
WAP_Dialiss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:15:34 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy the nicest Apartment in Innsbruck with a beautiful view of the Alps. Get myself a Mercedes G-Class and an Audi R8 for my garage. Donate quite a lot of it to causes and organizations i appreciate, invest 90% of what i'v got left into Infrastructure and other stuff. Then i guess i'd live the rest of my life with no Financial worries. Would want to wake up with that amount of money again! 8/8
Xark_Oasis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:16:00 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep because i clearly have no more worries
mortrendrag ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:16:23 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would resurrect the Seattle Supersonics.
I'd also turn it into a Green Bay Packers type of community-owned team to put people's minds at ease.
trippingeyes_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:16:26 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job, help my parents pay off the house, get them a new car, and give them $1mil or more they can retire early and comfortably, then use another $1mil or so of it to travel the world with my SO, donate $100,000 each to a few reliable/trustworthy charities of a good cause, and put the rest into savings :-)
culesamericano ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:16:36 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
give 1 million to every friend who was nice to me.
give 1 million to my extended family
give 1 billion to my nuclear family
then for me:
i would buy a huge house and penthouse apartment in every major city i'd ever visit. each house would have a huge indoor pool. each penthouse with a rooftop pool. each place would have a helicopter and 3 cars with chauffeurs ready at all times. Each city would also have a yacht (around $3 billion total)
then i would hire the best personal trainers and nutritionists to get me in the bestest of shapes.
a language specialist for each major world language
a music teacher for the piano, guitar and drums
the worlds best music producers to teach me how to produce music.
the worlds best djs on how to DJ
scuba driver instructor
learn how to fly a plane and helicopter (you never know)
jet ski
(total cost 2 billion)
then for the world:
buy all companies in the world that deal with oil/gas/non renewable energy and destroy them.
help environmental agencies
free birth control and condoms for the world
free high speed internet for the world
build great infrastructure in the whole world -ban normal cars -only self driving cars can operate in the world
this will address climate change
(300 billion)
next issue:
poverty...free education for everyone in the world
free housing for the homeless and poor (200 billion)
free food as well (100 billion)
next issue:
equal rights
its quite political but i'll use my wealth to have an influence but thats the most i can do. (200 billion global)
about 300 billion left
100 billion saved for interest collection
200 billion in medical research to make me immortal so i can keep helping the world
INTERNET_TRASHCAN ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:16:42 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest in the new currency, since dollars arent anything at that point.
kk141 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:18:10 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy off congress, rule the
freeworldPotentialKebab ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:18:38 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Be like "shit I have a lot of money..... " and go get myself a nice roll
Enviy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:19:29 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First thing is get breakfast and drink a mimosa and a coffee. Then pay off my mortgage and start buying up controlling shares of tech companies.
ChrisCockring ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:20:21 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably do the same thing if I woke up with 100$ - head to the liquor store and buy a 40oz of vodka. Then to the grocery store for a frozen pizza, and 2 frozen juice cans (pink lemonade and orange juice). Finally, to Mac's for a pack of smokes and play Command & Conquer, until I give up Eventually because the computer is smarter than me when I'm drunk. I still have enough for a pack of smokes in the morning after I smoke my face full of smokes the night before. Nice.
abigthirstyteddybear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:20:44 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Assess the situation.
FlibbityFlawHooHaw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:20:47 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In order:
Seek legal advice.
Sweet ass house and car.
Buy all the drugs.
ricdesi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:20:50 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit.
ricdesi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:21:05 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hit the snooze.
less_cranky_now ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:21:57 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest in infrastructure?
im_stevo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:23:38 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a nice house and car and shit I want keep like a couple billion and then just drive around giving people stacks of cash until I get bored.
satansgrave ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:23:43 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kill myself
KyyCowPig ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:23:44 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Legal stuff obviously.
Probably donate to cancer research because fuck cancer
Adventure the world, buy a nice house far away from home and live out the rest of my life in peace. I'll probably just donate whatever remaining billions to various charities when I die.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:23:52 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
invest the crap out of it, start my own damn country, and promise every US state free health care if they'll secede and defect.
PepeFrogBoy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:24:20 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Step 1. Get a Nintendo Switch and Breath of the Wild.
Step 2. Finish my Pokemon video game collection.
Step 3. Buy all the Bionicle sets.
Step 4. Build an A-frame house in the forest for myself, with a loft, and a room for my Lego Collection.
Step 5. Put together a Lego City.
Step 6. Give a couple million to my family.
Step 7. Get my friends some sweet shit.
Step 8. Fund space travel or renewable energy or something.
ju1cy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:24:48 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd fix the water in Flint.
vraylle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:24:49 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Teach everyone proper Reddit title grammar.
sniper741 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:25:13 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ha..thats a good question. Since it sounds like i didnt win the lottery...chances are my name wont be in the paper which means nobody begging for money and people claiming they are family.
Well I would first pay off all my bills.
Then buy a nice size piece of property. I would make sure that my family is taken care of...and then pretend that every day is the same.
recchim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:25:27 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wake up broke the next day
nybx4life ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:27:15 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Paid by the first, go broke by the third.
TubbyTag ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:26:07 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job. Go back to sleep.
heykidsitscox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:26:27 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Depends, is this an instance where I wake up and there's $1trillion in cash sitting my apartment? (just did the research, wouldn't fit).
I'd panic, for sure. Next step undecided.
A billion in cash, i'd take an uber to a U-haul and rent a box truck, a car trailer, and a cart of some kind. I'd load it all in the box truck after dark and drive home.
At that point, I'd have to do something with it. I'd have done the best I could to be inconspicuous. My landlords would be looking for me after about 2-3 days. At which point I'd have to have gotten a new phone number.
I'd then bury it in my house, and have to flee. You can't tell anyone about that. Need a new identity and start somewhere else.
cmdtekvr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:26:53 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call the bank and tell them I didnt do it, and hopefully return the money or however that works. Talk about fraud!
Alien_Liver ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:27:43 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
restore electricity to my area.
UNIPanther043 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:28:08 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep
cIumsythumbs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:28:40 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Implement a strategy that secedes Minnesota from the US. Possibly join Canada.
Flieswithdwarves ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:28:44 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/checkbankaccount Check Account Balance = $1,000,000,000,000.00 /refreshpage
Or
Wake up next to stacks of hundreds surrounding my bed. Immediately run to back yard with shovel and dog to help bury most of it.
kingdopp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:28:53 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Find a lawyer and accountant first. Pay off my bills, then my family's bills, then my friends bills. Buy a lot of land.
versatileRealist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:28:59 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go and see my significant other, take them and buy a super nice apartment somewhere and never have to work a day in our lives. Just knowing I could provide for them and live comfortably is such a dream
Silver060 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:29:14 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest as much as needed into pushing AI helpers like in iRobot into the mainstream and use them to take over countries and eventually the world.
Memnar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:29:29 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get a Lawyer, and an accountant, both from the biggest firms in the country. Do my dirty work bitches.
Have them open a Limited liability shell company for film a production.
Clear out the city.
Give me a Gone in 60 seconds style muscle car with roll bars and 5 point belts.
Go to fucking town. Ride that fuckin thing into the ground, over sidewalks, through plate glass windows, the worst, everything short of killing myself. Pay all damages and laugh as it doesnt even dent the interest you made this week.
Have them film the whole thing with a russian arm in glorious 4k. Get it professionally cut, colour corrected, then post it on FB titled "Im not one of you anymore."
Then proceed to live out my days in pure sin.
twoytz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:29:37 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to my job and just sit there. When my boss asks why I'm not working just burn my last paycheck and walk out
YolandiVissarsBF ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:29:44 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would be the one to give reddit gold at that point
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:29:53 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Collapse the US economy because inflation.
GTFOScience ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:30:47 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Literally nothing, which I would continue to do for the rest of my life.
EnjoyBrainDmgNFLFuck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:31:39 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest heavily in solar. Start buying up coal land deposits and let nature reclaim them. Sit on said land so we can be rid of those zombie dinosaurs.
Also, I'd buy Comcast, Time Warner, Verizon and turn those boats of shame around.
ratherbedrunj ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:31:53 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep
nybx4life ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:32:17 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait until Friday night.
Go ham.
GaryNOVA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:33:14 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time...
imthewiseguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:33:15 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay family's debt.
Buy a house, car, make it rain in the Microsoft Store and Walmart.
Donate a billion to charity
Then i would quit my job and sit on my fat butt for the rest of my life
SHECHEWSMOUTHOPEN ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:34:41 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Student fucking loans....
memyselfandhai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:34:58 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Three chicks at the same time.
vanillanesquik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:35:17 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed
nope_noperstein ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:35:29 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Disappear
DruSparro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:35:56 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my student loans and medical bills, buy a big enough house to comfortably raise a family in, get a car that's reliable and runs well. Nothing too crazy. Oh, and I'll BUY Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman, and make them act out my favorite scenes from Sherlock. Heck, I might even make them act out those naughty Johnlock fanfics that are going around the web, even though I'm not really into those. But hey, if I have the money, may as well make them, 'cause who else can say they get to do such a thing?...
physchy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:36:05 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get an offshore/Swedish bank account
An_Anaithnid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:36:20 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call in sick and go back to sleep.
FoxtrotSierraTango ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:36:52 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Tesla for Solar City.
Lease roof space on several million buildings that were placed in opportune locations.
Put solar panels everywhere.
Build more supercharger stations to reduce range anxiety for people with electric vehicles.
Continue investing in additional installs of solar and superchargers with the money generated from solar revenue.
Build a wider range of electric vehicles (a truck would be nice).
Do other things that make the world suck slightly less in the future like water in Africa, functioning government in Somalia, infrastructure in India, etc..
Moist_Cankles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:37:05 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Order a large pizza with more than one topping
blove1150r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:37:26 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd build a space Yacht and go for cruise around solar system with my Bae. We'd drink champagne and make love under the glow of the planets.
AliReed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:38:03 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably still go to class.
mountainsprouts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:38:09 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my debt along with my sister's and her husbands, and my friends, give them some extra so they can move where they want and be comfortable for a while, then travel for a while before settling down somewhere. Also pay for my aunt and uncles care.
Redditer1738 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:38:48 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Burn some hundred billion to prevent inflation.
HeilHilter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:39:29 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build race tracks all over the world for everyone to enjoy! Bring back the dying population of motorsport enthusiasts! Hell, I could have a fleet of track ready Miatas for the public to enjoy! Think of all the job creation! Construction workers constantly building new tracks, mechanics keeping the growing fleet of cars in tip top shape, food vendors everywhere, get some famous people as presenters for amateur racers, more food!
It'll be great!
LoKiXiI ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:39:31 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whatever the fuck I want.
stvel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:39:39 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be honest, I'd help my parents out with finally paying for our bills. I'm tired, transferring schools, and I'm just sick of constantly hearing them argue about money for bills and stuff. Then probably use some to get myself my own place for when I graduate and get a job, then donate the rest.
mmecca ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:39:53 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep in mafk!
Squilliams_unibrow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:40:02 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give my parents 10 billion or something, they deserve it.
redditreveal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:41:19 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start sharing it!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:42:50 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some hookers and cocaine
skoal_mint ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:42:51 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep in.
bytosai2112 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:43:01 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep and sleep damn well since I wouldn't have to worry about a thing.
IamBatman777 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:43:06 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy like 6 Taylor T5 electric guitars.
pagn3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:43:24 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Write a list of people I will give one dollar to and tell them to fuck right off.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:43:28 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would find some way to split the money into multiple bank accounts, and live off the combined interest from those accounts. Managing those accounts will be a pain in the ass.
thesilentsniper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:43:40 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep.
espectro11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:43:44 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Bunch of hookers and cocaine" Stoned guy being interviewed by reporter
x_853 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:44:11 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll have to spend it in 30 days in order to keep it right?
This could make for an interesting movie, how much do professional baseball teams go for these days?
frontrange5813 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:44:17 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First, I'd hire a financial advisor and and an attorney and set up retainers for each. I'd likely then focus on pulling myself out of debt, purchasing two small homes, one in Denver and one in Breckenridge (where I work... I'd keep my job.), and enrolling in college again. I'd then look at donating 99% of it to charities I support. Beyond that, who knows! โค
Titan897 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:45:24 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cripple the world economy.
trees_are_beautiful ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:45:35 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1) Buy Trump Tower and turn it into subsidized low rent housing.
2) Hookers and blow.
darkerthanmost ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:45:38 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go right back to sleep. No more work days.
ShrimpyIDontGetIt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:45:57 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Australia. Build a huge underground mansion in the middle of the desert with only a tunnel and a house on the surface. Organize enormous rallies all the way around Australia. Participate in one in a Bugatti lifted 6" with independent all terrain tracks tested up to 300mph.
RadarLakeKosh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:46:07 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep. Nobody can tell me what to do anymore.
CynicalStubs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:46:23 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy 1 trillion pizzas
sudoFrost ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:47:00 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Change my university major to something that I enjoy
lonewolf3k ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:47:10 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
take a shit on my boss's desk
mclarenmp4_4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:47:11 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed
iseah100 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:48:13 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job, finish my degree, buy my apartment complex and set aside the townhosue next to mine and turn it into a library.
Slee0415 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:49:01 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep
Melk73 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:49:25 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a penthouse in the city. Put as much money as needed into cleaning the river so it can be blue again instead of brown and try and add some nature and culture to my city. Also set my family up so they have as much as they need. Then put money into advancing technology. Maybe set up a free clinic franchise for people who need a psychologist.
Amo5mos3s ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:49:27 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stay in bed
boomersb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:50:11 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd be dead in a week... but a glorious, glorious week.
tacohunter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:50:16 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the presidential office back, and put a masters degree humanities major in office
avpufc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:50:47 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy whatever I want
triface1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:51:08 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job so quickly
Get a big house and move my family in there
Get a big family car
Hire somebody to manage my finances. His remuneration will depend on his ability to grow my money, and will range from a measly amount when he's not doing well, to a salary that will let him earn more money than he needs in a month.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:51:25 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Most of the things here wouldn't cost nearly as much money as 1 trillion. I'll spend my money on projects that can make a difference to humanity as a whole:
1. Development of fusion power: $150 billion
Basically blow up the budget for International Thermonuclear Experimental Reactor by 10 times.
2. Colonizing the moon: $100 billion Build a moon base, which will make it easier to go to Mars.
3. Colonizing Mars: $150 billion Do you know that SpaceX is worth only 12 billion dollars, for all their talk of going to Mars? Let's multiply that by 10 times.
4. Sending a probe to the oceans of Europa: $100 billion
We might find life there, which would be the discovery of the century. A lot of money is needed to research rocketry and robot technology to drill several km in ice to access the seas below.
6. Building a 100 TeV Hypercollider: $200 billion Basically a scaled-up version of the Large Hadron Collider.
7. Development of a universal quantum computer, quantum information research and quantum technologies: $100 billion
8. Life science research: the rest ($200 billion). Not an expert in this area, but curing major diseases like cancer would be great.
colborne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:53:19 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay my Visa bill. It would put a big dent in the amount owing.
QuincyAzrael ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:53:44 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep in.
JoJackthewonderskunk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:53:47 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 chicks at the same time.
HirryMcSkirry ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:54:32 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, I would assume it was some type of lottery ticket or a person I didn't know was wealthy left it to me in a will.
I would start by going to an accountant, and figuring out how much of it would be taxed. I would then set that aside until it needed to be paid.
After that, I would pay off my car (not much at all), my student loans, and get a better phone outright without charging it to a credit card. I would pay off the house, and what's left on some medical credit cards. (I don't have much debt since I'm fairly frugal and don't really do the whole credit card thing) and would buy a new house that fit my families needs the best. Then I would hook up all family members with some money.
After my family and personal needs were met, with maybe a couple of wants, I would donate as much as I could to the place I work. I would aim for expanding our facilities and providing some resources that are currently hard to get. (Homeless shelter that also has programs for mental health and recovery).
If I had any left over, I would just leave envelopes of cash in the mailboxes of the areas with low income, and help build up the community by giving all of the food banks money. I would expand to the next largest city closest to me with the rest until I'm down to like $50k, then I'd buy the new $35k tesla, and take my parents to the theater and buy them some theater snacks with what's left from that if I have enough.....
KoruTsuki ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:55:37 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well then I'd have enough money to buy a mansion made of smaller mansions
Ben_lurking ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:56:08 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My boss is on vacation in Mexico right now. I would go to where he is staying, book a room, grab something to eat, mill around; maybe hit a straw market. That night I would wait until I knew he was asleep. Buy my way into his room, I figure a cool million to the desk clerk should do it, I would gently wake him. I would whisper "hey...hey... I quit." Then walk out of the room.
Didiyoso ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:56:53 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy my own island and BUILD A WALL.
SpinelessCrow_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:57:06 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed. Wouldn't need to work or anything, so I could finally sleep in.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:58:05 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Finance more seasons of Garth Marenghi's Darkplace.
ptdoe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:58:29 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably be found somewhere out cold... like Thailand
SheolCodeMonkey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:59:22 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the city I live in
Ra1nb0wD4sh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:59:48 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hope that I'll pass my driving test on monday, so I could make use of that way to expensive car I'm going to buy then. (Also I would get a new PC to replace that Fujitsu Siemens Scenic E that I currently use, because my old PC broke)
SeekingLiberty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:00:06 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get on Reddit and start talking about it!!!
vigilant8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:00:57 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get Flint, Michigan back in order
elliam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:02:24 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep.
Anthro_DragonFerrite ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:03:13 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Work. Why not
the_good_gatsby_vn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:05:40 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Tommorow"? Join a spelling class, for starter.
benbetterbenworse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:05:51 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd pay for lessons to learn how to spell "tomorrow".
Koalitygainz_921 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:06:20 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty much ensure my lineage would be set for life as far down the road as possible, finally get a house, definitely spoil the wife just so I can see her smile 24/7
Qaeta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:06:45 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy EA, force them to stop destroying beloved game franchises. Bring back Westwood. Keep 100 billion, give the rest out to people via world wide random lottery in $10 billion chunks.
jasonisawrestler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:06:59 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy things that are 2.99 at the 99 cent store.
keltwolf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:07:30 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would pay off my and my family's debt. Quick better housing, rental or own, clear my license and get a sport touring bike, 2 mil to trans girls trying to get work, 2 mil to those trans trying to get into the system. Put in 10 mil to a self funding fund, collect interest, reinvest. Another 5 mil to a center of sorts for TG's to go to get the info they need. Makeup, binding, behaviors, speech, things like that. Invest in those. Invest in wounded warrior type places. I'd follow Denzel here. And Denzel again for Boys and Girls Clubs. Robotics to my kids school program overall. Homeless? That small house thing. 2 people per, with a van to get people to work/services areas. Once you're homeless, you don't forget. I'm missing a whole lot. Salvation Army shelters. Don't go in for the whole religious aspect, but they are good people. The shelters of Tuscon, AZ. I'd want to spread the housing/homeless to the nation with the tiny houses. 2 people per, maybe 20 per developement. A minivan to get out to transport.
Heresyourchippy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:08:15 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd pull corporate raid Facebook just to see what would happen. Strip the corporation and sell it for parts.
PinkshotMcGina ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:08:22 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build the wall.
HoodiesNsweats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:08:58 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tell my parents to quit their jobs and send them off somewhere nice for a loooooong vacation for all the shit they went through because of me.
unwise_1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:09:07 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to work, they'd be a man down otherwise.
Look into buying sovereignty over a country, probably in Africa. Then just offer for people to come join my new utopia. Full health care and all basic needs met, huge investments in education and industry. Eventually foreign nationals would pressure their governments to cede to my empire. A benevolent dictatorship in the heart of the worlds most troubled areas. Of course, there might be those that oppose the new glorious order...
TeqhZem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:09:28 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ill just give the day: First, I would say "How the fuck? I haven't even made it out of High School yet!" Then, I would do the obligatory donating of 100M to a charity. Then go buy the worlds best gaming set up, buy every Steam game worth buying. Give like one million to all of my immediate family, and a few select friends, and pay off all my debts. Than put 2B in a bank account for my kids, 3B in a bank account for myself. Than just sleep and think about what to do next.
Bufurd123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:10:24 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably masterbate...
xvillainous1x ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:10:46 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 chicks at the same time, man.
baldmathteacher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:11:04 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd fight a pointless war in the Middle East. Oh wait, that's not enough money.
Palazard95 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:11:15 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually wake up five minutes later
SatansAdvisor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:12:06 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Roll over and go back to sleep for another ten minutes.
Deadpoetic6 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:12:22 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
go back to sleep
glassintgepark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:12:28 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cry tears of joy that I can afford decent food AND pay my bills.
Ironicbanana14 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:12:29 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get a house car new everything, new clothes. Still take life normal and shit though. Take care of the family I have left and my best friends. Then donate the rest to my favorite charities with some left over on the side for future generations.
noxpost ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:12:36 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Be pissed off and paranoid about where my other trillion went
geneadamsPS4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:13:31 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is this before or after Uncle Sam gets their cut?
idunnowhatimdoingno ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:13:37 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Think "fuck im gonna be on the news for the biggest financial fuck up in history due to some computer glitch that's given me a trillion bucks, which will soon disappear from my account. Then I will probably appear (for a small fee) in a few years time on some shitty tv documentary about worlds biggest fuck ups in history as the guy that was a trillionaire for about a minute"
AbridgedKirito ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:14:11 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off the US government to make the not butchered- I mean MODIFIED AK47 legal, and then buy one.
Kraymur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:14:39 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A large portion of the answers are things like "buy my mom a house, donate, buy my dream car"
If I were to wake up with a trillion dollars I wouldn't know what to do, i'd either believe that my bank had glitched, or if the money was physically in my home, that i'm being framed. If this wore off and the money were truly mine, i'd probably just by burgers and drugs and live lowkey for the rest of my life on the aforementioned burgers and drugs.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:15:17 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep, as I am obviously still dreaming.
praisetheYMCA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:19:51 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably pay off my mother's debts, buy her a house, get my best friend a new tv since his broke and visit some relatives
dphung ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:19:56 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Keep sleeping cause I don't need to work no more
HentaiJackass ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:20:11 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Die from excitement.
penatbater ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:20:51 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fund the shit out of space X and tesla batteries (not the car division per se. Solar power is great but storagr and distribution is a problem. If we can make those costs down, solar power will be much viable).
Bubba-jones ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:21:09 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time.
Feargasm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:22:29 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy my parents a house, secure my little sisters education, setup bank accounts that can sustain my whole family out of annual interest rates.
After that has been done, I'd travel 'round the world looking for meaning to life until eventually I have some powerful Nirvana moment which enables me to finally come back to the system and function inside of it without feeling like a fucking slave all the time
420Pixels ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:22:29 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to Men's Warehouse because I will wear nothing but tailored suits for the rest of my life.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:24:20 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Move to America, buy gaming house, live like Dan Belzirian. Oh and burn my engineering campus.
Enlightened_One42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:24:47 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed
Jacka10pe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:24:54 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Save the world
Anderos787 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:25:31 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fly out to start a life with my boyfriend, pay off my parents' and grandparents' bills, and never worry about financial troubles again.
Sounds pretty good...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:25:35 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing. No dishes, no study, no work, no laundry, no vacuuming, no picking up after the family, no yard work...
I would take the time to finally have NO RESPONSIBILITY. I'd hire someone else to take care of ALL that stuff, and spend my time doing whatever took my fancy in the moment.
SlipperNippers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:25:36 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Phone in sick
jamisonglory ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:25:44 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put it into the bank and negotiate a 1%interest on it.
Forever more spend 250$ per second and still bank 2 billion a year on interest
TedNougat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:26:23 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep in, have a mimosa, then find a way to get the whole world clean drinking water.
thecrowfly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:26:31 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call of work and go back to bed for a while.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:27:36 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep. I'll deal with that shit tomorrow.
diyfail ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:29:06 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to work as normal. And be the biggest. Fucking. Asshole. Ever!!!! I'm already the guy that has no qualms telling my peers and management their effed up but this woulda be icing on the cake!
Rabidwalnut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:30:29 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hookers and blow.
re-lproxy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:30:54 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy my dad his dentures.
Downtroddendog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:30:58 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep
Unlucky_Clover ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:31:09 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, ha, fuck work today
fixture121 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:32:04 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would pay off my parent's mortgage and give them an early retirement.
After that I would complete University and pay off mine and my brother's student loans.
Then I would travel to lesser-developed countries and work to develop a proper education system in the poorest areas and also set up proper, sustainable infrastructure in business, banking, the medical sector, etc.
I believe that those living in such conditions deserve way more than most of us in the west have, with our consumerist and materialistic culture and whatnot. But I would also help those busting their asses in the west who struggle to put food on the table for their families.
I would donate only to legitimate charities and fund medical research.
Oh and I would buy a fully loaded red Jeep Wrangler Rubicon Unlimited Hard Rock!!
XtremeOwnage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:32:46 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a submarine.
elmajico101 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:33:05 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hit the snooze 2 more times.
Drahok ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:33:07 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stop feeling shit for being unproductive. And go on being lazy.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:33:09 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Plan on keeping about fifty million and giving the rest away.
dadfatherpapa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:33:35 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My friends and I talked about this the other day and we all decided that not much would change. We would have to find a hobby to fill our time (read: a job we actually love) and we would buy a big house and move everyone that we love in with us. Other than that life would go on as usual. At some point a trillion dollars doesn't change much after you buy a big house, pay off debt, able to work a job you love, etc.
junetjunot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:36:02 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy An island, a lot of island
Top_Wop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:36:27 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy some companies I don't like and shut them down.
Burpburps ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:36:51 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Reddit and turn it off.
UnR3quited ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:37:26 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The constant hum of the dehumidifier penetrates my dreams. Slowly, I open my eyes, finding my cat, whos wide eyes beg for food. Pushing myself out of bed, I snatch my phone, squirting as my eyes adjust to the bright, artificial light. The notification bar, like most mornings, is brimming with useless notification. Facebook: "13 new notifications"... I quickly scroll through them, swiping all the spam into the trash until I notice an unusual notification that reads "first national bank: a deposit has been made of $1,000,000,000,000 by unanimous" After a half hour phone call with a majority of animated voices, I ensure the money is real. Slowly, looking over at my cat, my voice barely a whisper from surprise, "holy fuck" would slip from my lips. TL;DR I would stare at my cat and whisper "holy fuck"
ilearnededthings ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:38:30 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
go to college; move out; buy a new car; put the rest away in savings.
zephyrlilly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:39:18 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do some research because someone had to have fucked up.
If not, well, retiring, buying a nice house, maybe a car or two, and all the books I could ever want!
omfghaxes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:40:09 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This post has more comments than upvotes. So much win
LeeroyJenkins321 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:41:06 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the White House and give it to someone who is worthy.
tamere2k ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:42:00 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed because I won't have to go to work.
NoIdeaAtAlll ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:42:35 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm gonna buy some sunglasses cuz my future's too bright
Decaturlicious ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:42:43 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
probably stay in bed a little longer
tamere2k ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:43:16 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In all honesty. Fund Planned Parenthood for basically forever. Then start my work on making all animal shelters no kill shelters.
Kar0nt3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:44:15 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest in technology of nutrition so we can reduce animal cruelty.
PM-ME-YOUR-TITS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:44:35 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job and put my boss on tv
Mr_Metrazol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:44:39 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd invest about half of it in such a way as to create an essentially non-ending dynasty of incredibly wealthy and powerful descendants. Said descendants would, of course, be sire by myself and a harem of slightly chubby women with cute butts and gorgeous faces.
The rest would be used to indulge the greatest loves of my life. Cattle, guns, land, and heavy equipment. I'd make a reasonable attempt at buying several counties worth of land and clearing them of any human habitation with my collection of large machines. Repopulate said micronation with cattle; and use the remainder for target practice.
91cosmo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:45:38 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 chicks at the same time!!
DinoPresinger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:46:01 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give 2 Tesla Powerwalls + solar panels (if applicable) to every household in my country.
Should cost about $500bn.
Buy a lower league football team and sign Zlatan for 3 years. $150m
Buy an Island. $100m
juicecolored ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:46:39 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll be in jail.
xxDuo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:47:15 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep. Never worry about work again.
PM_ME_GOOD_MANNERS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:47:24 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can buy something at Whole Foods.
GlassThunder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:47:57 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Send you back to school.
mikeyb1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:48:47 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whatever the fuck I want.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:48:49 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy all the nuclear bombs in the world to prevent nuclear war. I'd then become the richest and most powerful man to ever live, going down in history as the first guy to launch every single nuclear bomb into the moon just because I was bored.
Dr_Woobie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:48:54 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep.
eXeApoth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:49:16 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have a lie in
Seang09 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:51:08 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:53:22 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest it in green energy and revamping the aging US power grid. I doubt I'd have enough money to fix everything but it would be a hell of a start.
Thatonefloorguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:54:16 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stay in bed a little longer.
Waschmaschine_Larm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:54:43 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
go buy more weed lol
NINFAN300 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:55:33 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed.
michaelscottforprez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:56:32 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give a trillion people a million dollars! According to facebook, this kind of math checks out
CelestialTurd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:57:04 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing. I would sit on my ass and do nothing.
sauerpatchkid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:58:02 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tell it to move over because it's hogging the bed.
hiddenstar13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:58:15 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1 trillion is a lot of money. I wonder how much would get taken away in tax? Either way there's a lot left...
I'd probably start with the obvious stuff, then do some fun things, then save & invest the rest.
So like, I'd pay off all my debts (including my HECS debt, and my partner's, and my sister's and parents probably too).
I'd buy us a house, a really really nice one in a good area. And maybe a second one somewhere in a good school zone, because then I can rent it out until we're ready to have babies and move there instead of the first house which would be in a trendier area with not as good schools probably.
And I'd buy my sister a house. I know she's struggling to make rent and buy food at the moment so I'd just give her a whole house and I'd furnish it for her.
Then it would be time for fun stuff, like we could have a way bigger wedding than I'm currently planning (which I know is frivolous and unnecessary but it would be super great anyway). And I could get a dress that I love instead of trying to get one made by the cheapest seamstress I could find.
And we could take a long honeymoon and see all the great places that we want to see in the world. It would be good to do that while we're still young and before we have children.
I'd buy stuff for our hobbies. Like a full suit of perfect armour for my fiancรฉ. And beautiful silk brocades and top quality linen for my sewing. And I'd buy all our favourite movies and tv shows on DVD.
And probably then I would save and invest the rest, like in savings accounts with good interest and buying shares and lots of different things. Good to have your fingers in many pies when it comes to saving I think. And fill up my superannuation a lot so I can retire well when it comes to it.
Thanks for asking this question, it was fun to fantasise.
inoz02 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:58:16 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off all student loan debt...for everyone!
zumbafever ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:02:07 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed
GearDoctor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:02:59 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Be a cheap bastard and teach my kids to live poorly so my riches will thrive throughout 20 generations.
MichaelMcMichaelface ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:04:45 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep.
remixclashes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:06:10 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually wakeup.
mdp300 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:06:17 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my student loans and then maybe go to taco bell.
DoctorDeath ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:06:49 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start my own James Bond style Evil Organization.
I'd buy an island with a volcano and a hidden lagoon.
Build a secret base there.
Procure a huge custom made submarine... maybe 2.
Multiple yachts.
An inordinate amount of military style vehicles.
Begin hiring henchmen.
All henchmen will wear Adidas track suits. Color varies by rank or department.
Workers will wear jumpsuits. Again, color varies by rank or depart.
Guns... cool guns. Guards get P90's. Special bodyguards get .357 magnum pythons. Etc...
Rocket pack troopers.
Think Doctor Evil... but much smarter.
I'd do worldwide "evil" things, but in a smart, "legit" way.
It'll be fun.
People will talk about my exploits for decades.
Who wants a job? I pay really well.
InturnlDemize ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:07:18 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy breakfast at Denny's.
alwaysawhitebelt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:07:19 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get off this planet, and fast.
UFADDT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:07:47 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me: pay back my student loans! Bank: and you rest? Me: they can wait I am broke!!!
AreaLeftBlank ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:08:51 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Deactivate my reddit account.
pattchii ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:08:54 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a bunch of electronic shit and then spend it the rest on my loved ones and spoil them :))
SentientMynd187 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:08:55 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to Ford, tell them to stop the assembly line, and make me a 1995 Ford F-250 power stroke CCSB in white just so I could drive it off the line!
wtfdidijustdoshit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:12:31 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
buy an island and build my own playboy mansion, get gigabyte Internet installed, donates some to poor. go back to sleep.
drsyesta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:14:25 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Id go back to sleep
TheSilverWalnut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:14:40 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Offer to completely fund SpaceX for the next 20 years.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:07 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Splurge a miniscule bit for myself (on a nice gaming PC) and probably fund the creation of a carbon neutral economy. Fuck climate change.
lt13jimmy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:28 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start my own private village by buying an existing one not worth too much.
Then free free hookers and blackjack for workers that come and work to improve the existing infrastructure on top of a basic voucher.
Idk what I would do after this, haven't thought about it this far.
thepluricane ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:42 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time, man
thejspot44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:16:21 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Disappear
craigist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:16:45 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep.๐
Npriley ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:16:56 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate $200 billion to NASA and ask that in return they name the first Mars colony after me. Then buy an Island and turn it into research center the likes of Black Mesa. Use the rest to live comfortably in a hidden bunker for the rest of my life.
thesecretsofnothing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:17:07 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the presidency of the US. Probably way less than a trillion dollars.
leetsoup ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:18:23 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Move my parents out of the house.
its_a_rathouse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:19:17 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Establish my own bank. Fuck other banks.
DerEwigeKatzendame ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:19:49 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Keep going to my job because it makes me happy, and now I don't have to worry about how I don't make a lot of money with the job I like.
Get some fixes for my car that will make it last longer, but not make anyone suspicious.
CDs, the banking kind for like, a quarter of it. Maybe more, I haven't looked into it for a while.
Get that nosejob I've been wanting forever.
Buy Pendleton blankets for the people I love that would appreciate them.
Research where the biggest problems for spay and neuter are, throw money at it. Donate to lots of animal shelters in whatever way is most efficient and sensible. Is it profitable to host those rich bitch dinners that are 1k a plate? Start hosting those for animal benefits.
Maybe quit my job and just spend time with the animals who aren't getting enough love.
Get some secluded land, make a nice compound. Have many cats and dogs.
Go for long walks, maybe start a family, idk.
thegilashark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:03 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing. I'd go back to bed and have the best sleep of my life with not a single worry.
crashingfox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:09 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep. If its here now itll be there later
Mr_______ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:41 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In paper money or in an account?
idontwanttostart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:44 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd... I'd get an escort... One of turn fancy ones... All clean and happy and shit... None of that babymamma shit... Oh ..And I'd ask to put it in get butt too
ShitClocksTickin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:45 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Develop a massive lifting drone that is able to lift 80tons via electric magnet.
Live fairly modestly.
Remove vehicles from the road that anger me.
Spend the rest of the money on legal battles/bribes to continue doing so.
Tognioal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:46 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get assassinated the next day for insurance money, of course. :|
lachesis44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:53 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a bunch of orbs on Fire Emblem Heroes so that I could finally have a decent arena team
issybird ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:55 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest some, then idk. Bills, college.
FartingPickles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:21:24 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my debt and put a lot in a savings account for school and such. Apartment I should be able to afford on my "own" once I get a new job Craft stuff Something nice for loved ones Pay it forward Find a random people and give them 100k or something depending on what I have left
xnappy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:17 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gather as much people to start working on more intense space exploration and space travel
TummyRubs57 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:41 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mars. I would do Mars. I would go to Mars, and I would fuck Mars.
RainyDayRose ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:28 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call the bank, because they really screwed up.
Velcrowrath ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:24:55 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Idk... watch YouTube or read Reddit?
West_Texhio ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:25:19 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not worry, stress, cry, or ANYTHING about student debt anymore. And get a nicer place to live. Start going overseas and actively helping the less fortunate rather than donating it to charity so that I know exactly where it is going and I have an active role in helping others.
JonDeaux ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:43 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not a fucking thing...
slickricflair ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:56 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A trillion is a lot but not as much as you think. If you feel generous and took the trillion and gave a equal amount to everyone in the US, that's about $3000 per person. Or if you divide it amongst everyone in the world, that's about $142 per person.
GucciFlipFlopBro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:43 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
fund nasa
metkja ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:28:36 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cut the national debt by 5%
philemon99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:28:48 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tbh live a simple life. Invest that shit so there is always money coming in๏ผmake sure people around me a living well enough๏ผ then give the rest of that interest away. I don`t really need that much money and could probably live happily off 1million dollars from investment and working a little.
starwarsfanboy4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:28:54 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a Nintendo Switch
mirroku2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:29:02 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep because I don't have to go to work. . .
thecoller ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:30:15 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd pay for the fucking wall so I didn't have to hear about the topic again.
DistantFlapjack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:32:10 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy like $50,000 in cheese.
ihaveuselessskills ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:32:33 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep
Romanian-Begger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:14 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate the vast majority of it to charity's and cancer research and etc
LJFD89373 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:36:39 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought about saying "quit my job." But I wouldn't formally quit; it just be a no show and get fired. So the first thing I'd do is get fired. Then I'd lay in bed and relax. Then travel when I got bored of doing nothing. Then grad school
gsp1991dog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:36:51 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have you seen batman? Something similair
kryopsychi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:35 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep in.
BillieRubenCamGirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:38:09 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Contact my bank about the error.
cajunSalesman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:38:18 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Laugh at everyone who told me I needed an idea to ever have a chance at becoming the worlds first trillionare. Next, I'd buy a pet Buffalo
GoodCulture ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:38:27 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Keep my job at the slaughterhouse and put the money in a trust. I'd know I didn't deserve the money so it would be wrong to spend it.
GenXer1977 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:39:09 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get the fuck out of the US and move to Switzerland ASAP before everyone tries to claim their piece. Then probably take a world cruise. I think the 2-bedroom loft on the Queen Mary 2 is around $100Kpp or so.
laramite ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:39:58 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd try to rule the country. 1. I'd setup a new gigabit internet company in the largest red state (Texas). Then start rolling out free gigabit internet to lower income and deeply discounted to everyone else. The goal is to undercut the competition and run them out of the state. 2. I'd setup maglev high speed rail between all major cities in Texas. Tickets will be reasonable but will undercut air travel between the cities. I will try to make airlines not run between the cities since I would be the cheaper, less hassle method. 3. I'd start a company that turns people with no tech skills into tangible skills. The company would teach unskilled workers to create their own software and tech products. In the back end AI would correct the mistakes the newbies make prior to shipping out and we'd use as learning opportunity. All products/ software would be free or deeply discounted. The goal would be to undercut non-Texas businesses (Amazon and their like).
When I've built up support with the public I'd run for governor as a liberal who can bring jobs and prosperity and cheaper life.
Once I am Governor, I'd focus on building my rail and ISP empire while still chugging Texas along as the frontier of new and cool shit. Surpassing California.
I would also try to make Texas blue with various tactics. Then I'd run for President as the guy who turned Texas into technological marvel. I will get all the blue states plus Texas.
When I am President. The real work begins. Assuming I still have any money left!
ClumsyBunny7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:40:32 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
buy dogs
star_bury ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:40:44 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"I would relax. I would sit on my ass all day. I would do nothing"
DerekNeedsReddit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:41:02 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Run for president
Im-postle-able ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:41:17 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire a bunch of lawyers and accountants.
Move the money so it was safe and accessible.
Create a large trust accessible by my family.
Create an organisation to analyse and propose achievable solutions for world issues.
Hire the best scientists and industry experts to collaborate on solutions.
First of all tackle the issue of avoiding destruction of markets by flooding the economy with my money. Once that's under control move onto global issues (education, green energy, large scale poverty, The poverty cycle of lower socioeconomic populations, disease, healthcare, inequality etc)
Fund any reasonable solutions from scratch, or identify organisations already starting work on them and fund them
Fix Australia's shit show of an NBN
Buy a house
Buy a really awesome gaming PC.
glowy660 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:42:26 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy myself a small county, start my own foundation and give money to the unfortunate
swaglohansen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:42:41 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 trillion jack in the box tacos, easy
Ashestoaishes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:42:58 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed
Ph4ntom900 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:43:34 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bring back the old Teen Titans
YamahaRN ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:54:33 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why stop there you can buyout Fox's contract on the X-Men and other Marvel IP and return them to the MCU. Would postpone current plans for Infinity War, but Marvel may even write you into the story for reuniting their entire universe.
Ph4ntom900 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:56:02 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd personally give the rights to Stan Lee in exchange for me being with him in every single cameo he does in the future
YamahaRN ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:22:37 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hmm how about give them to Stan Lee on condition a random Jack Kirby family member gets to be a cameo as well.
Ph4ntom900 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:23:41 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The three of us can be a big, happy, family!
c_is_4_cookie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:44:09 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy France for a year
KalebMW99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:44:43 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Move the fuck out of the US. Valencia, Spain sounds nice and I'm Spanish fluent.
Drop out of school, retire, and take a hot shower to figure out what I'm gonna do with my life.
littlerocketship ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:45:13 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit school. Pursue acting full time. By mom a new car and house. By brother car. By self like 10 cars and houses. Live well.
ChanandlerBongUrie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:45:26 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stop teasing me, Reddit... you know I'm broke AF
jhutch1990 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:45:52 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not go to work
The4th88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:46:04 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Step 1. Find a way to maintain anonymity with such a huge amount of money.
Step 2. Start buying literal countries. All those little countries overrun by military dictatorships and the like. Buy them, kill the dictators. Perhaps invade with a private army or similar. Once I'm the new dictator, invest huge amounts of money into the country to raise the standard of living in the country. Agriculture, renewable resources, infrastructure, medicine, education, everything. Make those previously starving villagers the happiest motherfuckers on the planet. Take a percentage cut of GDP. Move on to next failing country and repeat.
That much money could change the balance of power in the world.
CommodoreKrusty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:46:05 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Venture capital
YamahaRN ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:53:03 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The entire venture capital industry.
22eden22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:49:18 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take my kids to their haircut appointment at 10:30.
Lighthousee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:50:08 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would give you Reddit Gold
Meaber ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:50:14 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Panic because banks are only insured to $250,000
sciencekitty521 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:50:26 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
honestly, pay off my student loans, and then probably fulfill my dream of directing an erotic short film full of magic tricks and illusions.
CrossFox42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:51:12 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Really late to this party, but honestly, nothing crazy. If pay off the homes of all my friends and family first. If get myself a damn nice truck. Buy a property a bit more isolated and a bit bigger (me and my SO don't need anything much bigger than we have) and make it nice as fuck. Huge modern kitchen (I love to cook) a art studio for him, and probably automated.
Travel the world. Visit a country every other month and just explore different cultures. Then I'd probably give everyone I know a cool 100k just because. And every place I would eat? That waiter is getting a 1000 dollar tip if they are awesome. I'm pretty generous with my current cash when it comes to helping people, so that would just be increased a trillion fold. I don't want anything nuts. I just want a good comfortable life where I don't have to worry about anything and be able to help those I care about.
WhatDidYouSayToMe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:49 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd be up early enough to call in to work, but I'd still go to breakfast with my dad and uncle. Take my trip this weekend, turn in my 2 weeks on Monday, and schedule all of my accrued vacation for the end of the 2 weeks.
Then blackjack and hookers.
MilwaukeeMechanic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:54:12 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reddit gold for everyone!
krispykremedonuts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:55:36 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call my bank.
revoltiv ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:56:13 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd marry into the Rothschild's family and rule the world
Funbro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:58:23 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
blow it all on love live
coombuyah26 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:58:27 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Purchase a few hundred pastoral acres somewhere nice but unassuming, about 2-3 hours from the nearest big city, probably in Appalachia or Maine, with a bunch of fruit trees on it. Hire a handful of expert fruit farmers to cultivate a healthy fruit farm, mostly apples, pears, and peaches. Have them teach me how to run it, pay them handsomely for their time and knowledge. Live on said fruit farm, press as much as I care to into cider and applesauce and pie. Hire a couple of expert brewers to help me get good at cider milling. Sell enough to turn a reasonable profit, which I'll then put straight back into the mill/farmstead. Help work the farm, but turn most of the work over to my farmhands, who I handpick and therefor pay highly. Learn to make banjos and sell them for normal banjo prices at festivals so I don't get swamped with orders. Any money that doesn't cover me and my family living comfortably til forever in that environment and the costs of running the farm and building the banjos gets given away.
Oh, also I'm gonna have to buy my way out of the military at some point.
WunderDude ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:59:39 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep.
The_Catalyst_89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:59:39 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fund space c Mars mission and the solar sail project
bedroom_fascist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:00:13 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed.
ColdCoffee1775 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:00:20 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay to get my 2002 Jeep Wrangler fixed up, but my sisters 1994 Pontiac trans am from her and get it fixed up, pay my sisters way through college finally, pay off bills
ImaPeacockdamnit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:01:06 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The same thing I do everyday pinky
AntiTonze ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:01:39 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep in.
togisaur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:03:10 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep and not bother calling in
Matt_the_Wombat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:03:35 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Assuming it's a legitimate source of money and nobody can take it straight off of me: 1. Hire a team of lawyers and accountants, and set them up to be accountable for their own actions. Probably with the help of a philosopher. 2. Build a 'reasonable' house, except for the fact that it has a massive underground room for a literal boat-load of Lego. 3. Contract a university or firm to help me figure out how to invest/ stimulate the economy such that me parking my money somewhere doesn't depreciate currency. 4. Buy a farm, and build a trebuchet on it capable of launching a 90 kilogram projectile 300 meters. 5. Fix all the shitty roads in Sydney. 6. Buy investment property. 7. Invest in university studies on renewable energy, and how to implement those ideas. 8. Buy a rowing machine. 9. Learn Spanish. 10. Retire. 11. Maybe invest in NASA to tow some asteroid into orbit.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:04:50 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Appointment with the dentist for those fillings, new clothes, buy a fucking car, huge groceries run, oh my god... pay off my loan and credit card debt, give a ton of my money to charities and my friends and family right off the bat (later I'll be setting up my foundation), probably buy a house. I hate this question.
Inmate002 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:05:04 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed
8__ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:05:17 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Before work, I'd go online and pay off my student loans.
Then on the weekend (or a bank holiday), I'd buy housing for every homeless person/family in the entire country.
ryan2point0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:06:32 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quick working but invest a lot in the company just to say thanks for the opportunity and the good times. Invest in that one crazy friends kooky ideas. OK maybe two crazy friends. Buy my mom's house that's been on the market for years. Probably at 500% market value. Give the house to my aunt. Pay off the rest of my house and give it to my brother. Buy a new truck and give mine to my dad. Probably offer to buy my dad a house in Punta Cana or something. Give my wife the credit card to go apeshit on amazon. Go furniture shopping and plan a kick ass vacation. Buy a McMansion and hire a chef, cleaner, landscaper and all the rest.
Wickeddealer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:07:12 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whatever the fuck I want bitch, I'm rich.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:08:59 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Move somewhere tropical. Get therapy. Drugs.
gisellasaurus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:09:54 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, is this assuming that the government and everyone will think that I got it legally? Because if I have to deal with that shit...
Okay, well, I still have 1 trillion dollars. I wanna be the person in my friend group that does absolutely nothing but bum around, and despite all of this, I'm able to afford them gifts and shit.
AgentSauce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:10:04 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not tell ANYONE about it. And I mean NOT A SOUL.
jo-jo111 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:10:13 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed cause I'm still dreaming.
Zetetic14 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:10:22 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep a extra few hours since I don't have to go to work.
ripplecutbuddha2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:10:30 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would move the money to a different account, hire an attorney, and a financial advisor, then disappear.
Sgtonearm01 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:11:02 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy an island. Invite my friends, family, and a ton of smoking hot chicks. Fuck the world.
omfgsquee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:11:17 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Move it to some offshore accounts, buy a goddamn island, and disappear.
Lakanooky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:12:06 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Demand a bailout from the government and then have 2 trillion dollars.
Macscotty1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:12:15 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fund a private military to take care of some of the fucked up shit in the world like child sex trafficking and sex slavery. Wouldn't be bound to a country so wouldn't start a war from my base of operations to an unmapped island in the Pacific.
_R_0_b_3_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:14:43 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
buy some drugs
Glsteele ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:14:49 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Set family members up with trust funds. Buy an island move my boys, myself and who ever they wanted to bring to live on the island. Change our names.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:16:10 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the Washington Redskins from that Fuck Dan Snyder and fix the fucking team.... somehow and then y'know treat yo' self 2017
Samjamric ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:16:22 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed!
snakesign ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:17:12 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time.
sUpaF0B ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:17:33 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep and think about it tomorrow.
TennesseeStud4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:18:06 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep
Savis117 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:18:44 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is world conquering money right there
solsav ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:20:07 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This question is actually a quite interesting thought experiment. In most cases the best you can do is to grab a few ten thousand dollars or maybe a few hundred thousand and leave that place. Otherwise you either risk your life or risk being jailed.
Triicorn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:20:22 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep since I can deal with my life after another good nap
AsunderXXV ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:21:23 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, I'd buy myself a damn house... if it means not being questioned on why I have this money.
Arnvior ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:23:17 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
invest in some serious oil exploration, 'cos let's face it, the most fun things we ever have in our lives are cars ;)
ashmavis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:24:05 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Breathe an incredible sigh of relief and probably sob with joy.
doriblue42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:24:46 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get a new freaking mattress. The one I'm sleeping on is older than I am. He'll, I'd buy a full bed to sleep on and a house to put it in with furniture I didn't have to buy at goodwill. It'd still probably be cheap ( Walmart or IKEA) thou. I would never work a day in my life. Lots of online shopping for nerd stuff I don't need.
asamorris ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:24:47 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off all of my debt. Buy the house i live in. Buy the neighborhood I live in. Raize it. Build a wall around it. Fill the outer perimeter with imported brush like in Sleeping Beauty. Hire a person to run errands. Drink. Die. Leave my wealth to John Kerry, because who fucking cares.
JohhnyKarate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:25:11 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would loan my teacher 2,000 grand so I could have an extension on a project
FatSmash ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:25:31 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
give every person in my city 2 million.
lovelywoods ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:27:20 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not go to work...
But you don't need a TRILLION dollars to do that...
corscott5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:27:40 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep
arm4da ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:27:48 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
go back to sleep because I'd obviously be dreaming
310_nightstalkers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:28:15 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy up people's debt from creditors.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:28:59 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Buy the Presidency". ~Gary Busey
h4zel_52 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:31:01 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
go back to sleep bc I don't have to work anymore
dacooljamaican ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:31:30 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to fucking sleep.
YamahaRN ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:31:39 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My fun answer? DO ALL THE LSD while flying with Elon Musk across the Solar system.
My serious answer? Legally retain as much as I can. If I have at least 500 billion as risk capital I will use on Russian ruble holdings. Put it in my will that when I die all my holdings will be immediately sold. Why? So Putin and every Russian leader in the future will hold my life in their best interests. Cause when those holdings are sold, bye bye whats left of Russian currency.
Drowned_In_Spaghetti ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:32:56 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would use as much as it took to get Trump and Pence out of office.
bunnyfreakz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:34:11 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you joking? That is load of gigantic money. With 1 billion alone, you may buy anything in this world. Yacth, a mansion on the most elite place on earth, the most expensive jewelry, eat the most expensive food everyday, personal jetplane , using 100 bill for toilet paper and you still never run out a money for your entire life. With 1 trillion, you may buy Microsoft, Disney, WB, Facebook, Comcast , samsung, Nintendo and all of high tier company like buying a bread on Walmart. You are literally Illuminate with such great control and power.
trelian5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:34:23 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh fuck the taxes.
PointyOintment ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:34:59 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If it's in the bank, first check that it's not an error and the money is really mine. Then, ask the bank if they can afford the interest on it.
If it's cash, first shovel some of it out of way so I can get out of bed. Then call the mint and ask if they remember printing that much money.
Make arrangements (hire lawyer, etc.) so that the money is safe.
Not worry anymore about how to turn what I like doing into something I can make money at. Also, build a house.
Pay for a bunch of improvements at my local hackerspace/makerspace (more space, more equipment, etc.).
Fund science and engineering, focusing on the environment, health, etc. as well as basic research. Also, establish a program to encourage 'citizen science'.
Create a foundation for social improvement, which will study the problems that exist in society and work on fixing them.
Launch a robotic mission to Mars, consisting of many satellites, landers, and balloons, to study the entire planet and its climate in detail, for which I already have a high-level plan. Then fund a crewed mission (heavily inspired by Mars Direct).
Get into asteroid mining.
Finally, pay somebody $300 a day to be woken up every morning by a guy peeing on them. (I can't believe nobody said that yet.)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:36:44 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call in rich to work.
romanpc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:37:47 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ask my SO where the other trillion went!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:37:59 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
pay to fix all the grammar on askreddit^
hamzter247 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:38:13 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a slack line. Then I'd probably start some charity for housing the homeless.
voileauciel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:39:27 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First, I'd call my student loan servicers, ask for a payoff quote for my account, and then pay them. Then, I'd ask how many accounts they can close out, right now, for good, for $100,000,000. Then I'd pay those off too, so x number of people just got their student loans paid off.
Then I'd take the leftover $900 million or so and probably create a lifestyle that is a combination of Walter Bishop and Q. I'd help as many people as I could, and stash a little away for myself.
suddenlyhoneybadgers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:39:46 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always wanted to vandalize the moon in a way that was visible by the naked eye from earth. With $1T I think I could make that happen. Then for the remainder of human history, people would look up at the night sky and wonder why it was flipping them off.
LiveToThink ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:41:20 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make one million of my dearest, closest friends millionaires
synester101 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:43:09 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Open like at least 100 bank accounts, but THEN binge in sushi. Sushi forever.
Goldentatertot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:43:13 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd go back to sleep.
JayGarrick11929 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:43:30 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start quoting the song by Anti-Flag /s
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:45:06 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a few dozen countries
muchlungverysmOAK ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:45:20 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Worlds biggest pizza. Build the worlds biggest car. Worlds biggest couch.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:45:31 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
sleep again
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:47:06 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Place a call to Elon Musk. Green, bitches.
runnertrish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:47:18 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would pay off medical school for all the students currently in going to primary care
Also...
Pay a plane to skywrite a message to Trump every day
LaDresdenMonkey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:47:27 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd go back to sleep
Pay_attentionmore ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:49:15 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
nap
HillbillyZT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:49:39 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Decoy Snail...
Hologram22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:52:42 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep.
Forcekin420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:52:42 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would do absolutely nothing
R3dB3ard1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:53:02 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd for sure give it all to Kanye West.
jjuulleess ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:53:42 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
$500 million toward repairing and updating the US's nuclear arms threat deterrent system. $150 million to get the nuclear codes out of the hands of the president. $150 million towards training kids in coding and sustainable energy in public schools. $100 million for artists over 10 years. $50 million for my family. $50 million for me all me all me.
PipboysNhoes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:53:55 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just go on a bender until I die probably. After leaving the remaining money to my family of course. And give my cunt of an ex $5, just cause I'm a petty ass mofo.
playswithf1re ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:54:24 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy huge houses in a number of cities conveniently located near mountains all around the world and spend as much of my time snowboarding as I possibly could.
ben123111 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:55:27 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Convert it into gold coins and jump into them
wificalling ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:56:48 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a new truck and a place to live and start my business and save the rest idk.
ImMrFlick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:58:29 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my parents house, followed by my student debt, buy a nice diesel truck.
elephantovercoat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:58:42 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Turn off my alarm and go back to bed.. right after I told my boss to go fuck herself.
thestreetiliveon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:59:23 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tell everyone I'm quitting my job and go back to sleep.
The_Stoic_One ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:59:35 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably donate 99.9% of it to various charities, or just start my own charities. Then take my left over billion and live my life.
JellyKaques ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:00:27 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd leave a billion with my immediate family, a billion with my girlfriends family, then I'd buy a small apartment, and get balls deep in college. I still want to be a police officer either way. And I'd also get an upgraded car, my truck is a piece of shit. I'd probably go with a Honda Civic. Listen I may be rich but I know my place.
throwaway_jan2017 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:00:50 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy all the puppies!!!
potatomonstr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:01:09 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a nintendo switch and the new Zelda game
Grimsterr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:01:30 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Roll over and go back to bed, because I'm rich, fuck getting up till I'm ready.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:02:29 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
find Duane
balla2005 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:02:31 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call off work and go back to bed
BonGonjador ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:03:21 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Write a lot of new legislation...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:04:39 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start my own business that give people better choices and opportunities. A movie theater that doesn't sell expensive candy. A car lot that doesn't rip people off purposely. Internet service that is high speed and at a fair price. A college that is quick to earn a degree and provides hands on training, while at the same time is creditable and affordable. A shelter for anyone who wants to better themselves for whatever reason. Then I would quit my job and buy a BMW i8 and the best Tesla that can drive itself. I would probably play video games and pursue YouTube as a full time hobby, while traveling the world.
Thrownaway62626 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:05:01 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Move away with my daughter. Probably back to California. And go back to school there. And buy a small house for her and I. And a car. And a private education for my daughter. And dance lessons for her. Singing lessons, art classes, computer classes, whatever she wants to do with her life.
dweezil12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:05:48 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep and not answer my phone.
jdman929 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:06:05 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably still take my midterm in the morning
Grenyn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:06:15 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Promptly die of happiness.
pairate_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:06:17 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd rinse and repeat.
Biglonewolf115 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:06:19 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd get my mom and my brother their dream cars, I'd buy myself a cozy, yet simple house, and put most of it in savings.
rchalker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:06:42 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mmm... 5 more minutes...
BJUmholtz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:10:32 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take a shit on Mars.
yukkuri17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:10:47 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would go back to bed. Maybe invest it after a couple of days of doing nothing.
marcoux32 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:12:50 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a flesh light to create a mold of it. Put as much money as i can in a blender to make UR3 mix out of money. Then i could have a moneybasedUR3 fleshlight to masterbate for a while... Wow i cant beleive i actually thought about this...
yourmominabucket ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:14:58 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy all the land they are developing around my hometown and turn it into a national park! Then I don't know what I'd do with the rest probably try to set up my family for the rest of their lives!
Idiocracy2016 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:15:00 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy up some land and start building castles, forts, towers. With air-strips, etc. Start holding events at all these places and gather like minded people. Start religion.
ThatOtherGuy_CA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:15:45 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy EA and fire just about everyone.
Make EA great again!
Sjurgena ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:16:39 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have my dad quit his job.
PandaLovingLion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:17:19 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off student loan. Pay off overdraft. Be happy. Buy all of whatever things I feel like collecting. Expand parents home and do all the upgrades they wanted. Buy more camera equipment. Retire, travel, take photos. post my photos online. Reddit.
Valielis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:17:27 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would crash the economy of any country I chose on a whim
focusmask ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:18:08 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep. I can afford not going to work in the morning.
throway_nonjw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:19:20 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off the (Aust) Govt's debts to stop the fucking whining. Plus add $100/wk to all Aussie pensioners payments.
Go on, tell me I'm wrong.
Oh, and might make a movie or 2.
rocked_licker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:21:53 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Grab $30 million, disappear and learn how to surf.
UrbanRenegade19 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:21:54 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the best top of the line computer parts and a desk worth more than most people's cars. Then buy a cheap flip phone to take pictures of it all and post on PCMR showing off my "starter setup" and ask if it's good enough to play Minecraft.
SpiderDolphinBoob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:21:58 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Throw to middle fingers up in the air then go back to sleep
omegaaf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:22:57 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a country or two
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:24:20 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably make a cuppa coffee and plan world domination.
SerenaFit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:25:45 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call my travel agent and then my real estate agent.
Twoheaven ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:26:47 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably cry cause I don't have to go into my shitty job. Then get my family together and spend a great vacation with them.
fittytwoford ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:30:40 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shit, I'm a happy camper when I find $10 after they were washed in pants, that I forgot.
Robery82 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:31:13 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
keep it a secret.
Emm_Ski ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:32:52 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quit my job. Buy a car. Move. Buy a house. Be happy.
good_morning_magpie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:35:05 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time.
amlecciones ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:35:20 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I will build schools, hospitals, farms, houses, fund the initial steps to create Martian atmosphere, and create the biggest happy project for the world.
oxosmooches ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:36:02 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start a museum. Of my towns local history, of fashion, of women...
ice_espresso ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:36:12 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep in and forget about going to work for forever
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:37:09 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy somewhere to store all of it m8
rterrana691 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:37:23 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do my best to give 99% of it away to people who will use it responsibly. That much money would be a death note for me. Drink or eat myself to death.
powertoast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:38:23 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
By a new bicycle.
TheDiplo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:38:43 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get a few bottles of nice booze and some steaks and have a cook out
jeffsusername ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:38:48 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Roll over and go back to sleep, like I need to worry about going to work, pfft.
krkr8m ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:38:48 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay Kanye West $1 Billion to wear nothing except American Apparel for the rest of his life and to never make a public statement or appearance again.
teeet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:39:25 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invite my lady friend to travel the world with me
marlow41 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:41:13 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off 90% of everyone's student loan debt.
sutroheights ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:41:38 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy as much of the oil, gas and coal industries and then shut them down.
KyotomNZ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:42:16 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build a proper tunnel to replace vic tunnel in wellington
SpoilerAlert6 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:42:49 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Goes back to sleep
I'm not going back to my job, so I can deal with it tomorrow.
ghutterbaby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:45:22 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 weeks notice at job
natt101 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:46:52 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
sponsor a bunch of overwatch teams, pay them well and buy some nice team houses. Maybe even organize a few tournaments with huge cash prizes. Then I would try to see if I could make it as a professional overwatch player myself if I didn't have to do anything.
JabbilyWabbily ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:48:44 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep
Riksta6 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:51:27 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Try to buy a state. U.S. has to say yes. Pays 1/20 of their debt.
rogue_tog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:52:00 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep five more minutes
Tw15t3d_Jordan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:54:45 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drop out of college/highschool... I'm already way past my required classes.
cylonrobot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:54:50 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donate to education (science, math, arts). I'd set up free schools, starting at poor neighborhoods then branching out from there. Schools would start from pre-school all the way to university.
Kaladechi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:55:11 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep
Contrabaz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:55:48 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Throw the alarm clock against the bedroom wall and go back to sleep.
HoopsJ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:56:46 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tomorrow, I'm supposed to drive to Florida. In this scenario, the first thing I would do is buy plane tickets to Florida instead
Edgar_Allan_Br0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:57:10 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Four words: Garlic Bread
f1del1us ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:57:18 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build myself a goddamn spaceship and say ADIOS, MOTHERFUCKERS.
BabesBerry ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:58:53 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Keep sleeping.
Alistair-Septim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:59:16 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start digging a hole in the backyard.
Dr-Mantis-Tobagan-69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:59:53 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd go George sorros balls deep on every one
b33pb33pb33p ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:59:58 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not have to worry about where I am going to find the money to pay for my college education and finding a new home in another country like Sweden or Switzerland.
Arsenic-bubblegum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:01:06 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Immediately buy tickets to the next flight to WA to see my sister. Eventually, I'd buy each of my siblings a car and a nice sized house, and make the mansion of my dreams a reality. Then I'd pay all of the vet bills for every animal set to be euthanized in my state, and I'd have a sanctuary set up for them to live happily.
DrowSmurf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:01:07 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep for a while, won't be needing that job anymore
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:01:21 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would probably get a lawyer... then debt paid off. Then Disney world!!!!
Dr-Mantis-Tobagan-69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:02:12 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And I'd buy wolf cola and put Coca-Cola out of business. Choose Wolf Cola, the cola for closure
MargotFenring ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:08:26 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a new president.
Molfcheddar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:10:25 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would pay my parents back for everything I can think of they paid for me unnecessarily, ask the girl I like on a date, donate a shit ton of it to various charities and other similar things, oh, and definitely buy a bunch of Legos and video games I wanted since I was a kid.
rhunter99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:11:34 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a winrar licence
JinMugenFuu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:12:32 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would pay networks to renew every show that I didn't want to end.
SClark54 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:13:16 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed
SuperWeskerSniper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:14:53 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Try to get a Switch
Shumatsuu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:16:51 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But a horse made of diamonds and name it Butt-stallion.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:26:45 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make a few changes in my living arrangements, for starters.
profhelios ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:28:02 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the State of California... Then I realized our GDP was 2.5 trillion so I couldn't afford it. Uh... No pants party!
Psychedelic_burrito ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:35:35 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy weed and retire. I'm set for life.
sunflower31 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:40:27 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off student loans and buy a shit ton of beer to celebrate.
Death_and_Gravity ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:42:15 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go right the fuck back to sleep. I ain't gots ta do shit!
Mona310 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:44:13 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my muthafuckin student loans! But my mom a mansion. Pay off family/friends debt. Get tax advice and an attorney asap. Start an engineering firm with my 3 closest engineer friends and build cool shit for fun.
tenjuu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:44:15 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a small, quaint home in Greenland, Ireland or Scotland with plenty of acreage. Put aside a couple billion to pay expenses for the rest of our families lives until 3017, and donate the rest.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:45:19 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire a lawyer to start a "blind trust," drop +10% into a charity as thanks, buy Mom a house with a sunny view, let my wife know she can stop teaching those monsters' children; then go into work & get yelled at by my boss -for his mistakes- as if nothing unusual happened.
SamuraiDDD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:46:41 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make sure no one knows who the hell I am and use the money to benefit my life over the course of a year so its not to suspicious. Why a year? Because I'll be making sure that money pays off any debts for my family, set my college and my familys college funding for the next 20+ generations, move away to a nice town and live a nice but more comfortable life.
Oh and get a career.
What? Having all that money with nothing to do or work for would be Boooooooring as fuck.
Zomborz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:48:03 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy an island, build a mega castle, and set my family up forever
r8j1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:49:36 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Come back to the United States and never leave again
rci22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:50:15 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well I'd probably start by getting out of bed and going to the bathroom to pee.
Dean403 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:51:14 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give $800 billion to the Gates foundation.
haamfish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:54:02 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
go back to sleep again?
flyguysd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:56:36 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Id buy the republican congress since they are so keen to do the bidding or their donars.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:56:43 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build the wall.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:56:53 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get an education.
26320cuirs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:59:03 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mars
Toxicitor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:05:04 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Step 1: Make my life amazing
Step 2: Figure out how much I need to keep it amazing until I die
Step 3: spend the leftover on buying out energy companies and making them go renewable. Anything I make off the company goes back into upgrading to clean energy, until the conversion is complete.
Step 4: use profits from energy companies to repeat step 3 until I die or we're not using fossil fuels anymore. If I manage to get us off of dinosaur power, I then put the profits into a global basic income.
Step 5: I die, my will says to sell all my assets and divide up all my money to everyone in the world. The economy can go screw itself, capitalism isn't gonna fix itself.
EDIT: Oh, and I'll put aside enough of that initial oil money to become the majority shareholder of de beers diamond monopoly, then sell diamonds for their actual worth. I don't care if I'm not getting that money back, it's worth the reduced stress for people looking to propose.
WhalenKaiser ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:06:23 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd save the rain forest and the wetlands. Maybe give everybody in Atlanta an electric car. I'd definitely get electric buses for the schools. After that, free college for scientists in training. And crazy money for social engineers that can prevent traffic, because I hate traffic. No more traffic! Carpool y'all or drive in style, but no commuting. Just no.
Red_Rum_Rebel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:06:33 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My local supermarket sells sour gummy worms at $5 for 3 pounds. With 1 trillion dollars I would be able to purchase 600 billion pounds of sour gummy worms. That it, mission accomplished, I quit my job and rest with 600 billion pounds of gummy worms.
jamespotter22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:08:20 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Find a way to fix US election results, I'm sure I could bribe everyone with that much money
rabitmix1234 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:08:35 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would by 2 tubes of toothpaste this time.
TeeFashion7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:09:08 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to bed. I don't have to wake up for shit. I'm paid.
afaintsmellofcurry ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:09:47 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two girls at the same time.
stupid_closet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:10:43 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do something about Flint's water.
thedwarfthatrides ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:11:13 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy apple and start a line of retro computers and phone just down grade everything to 90s tech with current software and see how long apple fan boys stick around.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:14:04 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make a round trip to Mars!
CRAG7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:16:33 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cry from happiness that I don't have to job hunt anymore, then get incredibly paranoid. Follow that up with getting legal advice and an accountant.
rbsanford ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:16:51 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Burn half of it. I'd still be pretty fucking rich.
Halolavapigz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:18:28 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get a brazzers account
ZuperBros ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:18:29 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I guess stop working and get my Bachelors then just travel. I mean is a lot of money.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:21:12 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd sleep in for the rest of the day.
Shimakaze4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:21:48 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anything I felt like.
deets0302 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:22:33 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire Mark Zuckerberg as my butler and let him automate himself out of the job.
Spanka ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:22:38 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get the vest tutors on the planet to teach me mechanics and engineering. Then have a massive warehouse and tinker with shit.
crazyinsane65 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:22:52 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would take it and funnel through the canon islands. I'll keep 5 million. Live a modest life and marry a strong, independent, and smart woman.
MatticeV ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:24:24 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a country and be a king. What could I afford?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:26:19 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my debts, buy my dad a house, and put the rest in trust.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:29:06 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my student loans and car payments. Do the same for my partner. Pay off medical bills for my parents. Drop to part time at my job.
Slap some money into my Roth IRA.
Build a beast gaming PC. Upgrade to a PS4 Pro. Purchase 1 copy of every different type of Blaziken Pokรฉmon card ever printed. Buy a kit Kat big Kat.
Zosky1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:29:22 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy snapchat, make snapchat cost 1.99 USD, make all filters cost money. Watch the panic ensue among high school students as I sit back on my own cruise ship.
M8asonmiller ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:31:52 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Laugh as the world's economies groan under my wealth.
kittensanddinosaurs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:36:33 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
sleep.
EllieD0113 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:36:44 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
JayNotAtAll ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:39:55 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to bed. Clearly I don't need to go to work today.
F1_Guy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:48:36 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Warren Buffet
Cryovolcanoes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:50:21 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If it's legal i'd just drop all economical worries and then plan what house we're going to get.
OxidisingLaserEel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:51:09 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
House, car then motorcycle.
RikuAotsuki ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:53:24 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, I'd probably figure out a way to throw that weight around to fix some of the big capitalism-related problems in the US. Also, fund Elon Musk.
ultrapingu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:53:54 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call my bank and inform them there's been a transaction error on their part.
CraftyDrunk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:56:08 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably go into work a couple hours later. When they complain I'd tell them I'm rich and switching to part-time
TheJuda2112 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:56:45 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy my father the car if his dreams, my mom a brand new kitchen, and both of them a trip of a lifetime to where ever they want to go. Pay for my little sister to go to which ever university she wants to go to. Repay my parents for my schooling, buy a house, a reliable car, and all the best creature comforts I need. And a fuck load of pot
Carlyone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:00:02 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ever since my teens I've promised myself that if I somehow were to win a shit ton of money, the first thing I'll do is buy myself the biggest, baddest desktop computer I can.
galacticviolet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:03:53 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep in.
Laser-circus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:06:56 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just want to go buy that place in Positano, Italy and live there for the rest of my life... Maybe buy Italy.
MARCO5424 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:09:14 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a 1080ti
thatguy2366 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:12:04 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Turn off my phone and go back to sleep.
Hamxa01 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:17:21 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I Go back to bed because I don't have to wake up for shit. I'm paid.
citewiki ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:20:13 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call the bank, say they accidentally transferred $900,000,000 in my account ๐
Loki-L ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:20:33 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Crash the economy.
Nox_Stripes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:25:40 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go get a job at mcdonalds, and when something happens I dont wanna deal this I throw a cheeseburger at my manager and say: Fuck this shit, I dont need this job anyway.
Repeat many times.
serjykalstryke2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:27:09 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Be dead,because the amount of currency in my bedroom would crush me to death.
theboeboe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:30:38 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a Nintendo switch
onetime_thang ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:36:30 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy Disney
ZachAllen11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:43:48 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Move to the middle of nowhere, get a direct line to the nearest internet hub at max speed, disappear from the physical world.
Mr-0strich ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:44:52 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy huge amounts of land and ban every person from it. After that I start creating a white list.
CaDoran ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:45:34 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy streetwear shit until I get bored.
Build a new PC,
Give a billion each to my parents.
A billion to myself,
And invest the rest.
I feel like a trillion is a bit too easy
silvea12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:46:00 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a nice mid sized home somewhere with enough space and good internet. Then fly about 30 friends from around the world over and we would all hang out.
Does this make me boring?
tuptuptupperware ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:48:21 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drop out of college
Bigchickenmac ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:48:33 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep
PIE_man901 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:48:56 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
NerdyGerdy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:52:12 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spread a little around.
gutterrot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:55:47 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:56:36 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Paid to rebuild the US infrastructure. Give most to education. Paid off medical/student loans of several people.
uhhhclem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:58:08 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Endow a health-insurance foundation that would pay the medical bills of all Americans, just to drive Aetna and Anthem out of business.
HarrisonFordDead ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:02:08 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy stuff
BobbyLight8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:06:06 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a Nintendo switch
Cabbagesavager ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:06:06 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wake up.
sflogicninja ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:10:48 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep in.
Tistell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:13:11 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy fucking adult swim and give the guys all the support they need to finish the third season of Rick & Morty
Arteshi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:16:16 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would eat a $999.9 billion dollar steak.
And then die of meat overload.
And then leave my family with still way too much money.
acastro9720 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:27:36 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Run for president
the_salttrain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:29:04 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy a country and kick everyone else out.
hargikas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:29:11 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Step 1: I wouldn't say anything to anyone.
Step 2: I will return to my work, and subtly I will talk about my new great idea (The idea will be really stupid, awful, disgusting - [For example a T-Shirts that smells like farts]).
Step 3: Take an extensive leave from work (in order to do research and development for my idea).
Step 4: Show of to my ex-coworkers that with my idea I became a multi-billionaire.
The trick would work also by having that ridiculous project on kick starter and fun yourself. Create a company out of this and laugh with all the business analysts trying to understand how your idea was "innovative"
Nickd3000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:32:30 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sign my name on the moon big enough to be read from earth.
Generalkrunk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:37:13 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ruin the economy.
atomiccasshole ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:39:24 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd move the love of my life to my state and set us both up with our dream property. Keep enough to comfortably live off of with minimal work/sustainability. The rest i'd put towards changing individual lives like I did with my own but on a smaller scale.
zeom22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:41:34 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep
4inR ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:41:43 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ignoring the boring legal stuff....
I'd buy one living space in every major city on earth, get a new face, and wander the world for a while. Help out people I meet with secret donations. Keep a low profile. Observe the human condition in different places.
After I feel I've seen enough, finance space colonization and build the first major city off of earth. Begin preparing for the future.
After that plan is taking care of itself, feel guilty about forgetting about the present. Work to better living situations in developing countries. Fight slavery and oppression. Ensure global access to basic resources. This part never ends.
Get invested in public global education. Maybe build a free international super-school to encourage the planet's brightest minds to innovate. Expand, build more schools.
Get bored. Buy a country. Introduce universal income and collaborate with world class designers and scientists to create a living experiment. Refine the experimental society, trying to make it continually better. Tinker with it until I die.
Side projects.
Microcommunities. Build experimental housing to study different forms of living interaction. Make designs, build, observe, refine, repeat.
Tell me your dreams stream. Do a live stream where I ask people to tell me their aspirations. Get ideas, help those with good ideas. Encourage people to try to be better and to do the things they think are right for the world.
Random sample panels. Randomly select people in whichever country I'm working with, and hold a live panel on social issues. Really try to understand people's perspectives. Start community initiatives to enable communication with the broader communities, not just people's immediate circles. Get people involved.
A new global holiday: Tiny Day (Smalliday). It's a day of perspective, where we think about how small we are in the universe, and how our differences are petty in the large scale. Plus 3 random countries get free ice cream on this day, vegan options available.
Defa1t_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:43:00 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Save half of it then give a billion dollars to all my family members and close friends then spend it as I will.
hargikas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:45:43 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With that money I can become US President.
When I am elected, in my first public speech I will say:
CoDog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:46:35 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get some steak and eggs for breakfast.
PapaFern ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:49:15 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
After nervously laughing internally, I'd pay off my mortgage, pay off my mum/dad's debts, give them and my siblings 1 million each. I'd buy a plot of land on the Campsie hills, build myself a nice house - the view would be amazing, I'd live there for a while out the way of everyone.
After a while I'd probably buy a property abroad and stay there for a while. My original house would be rented out for a cheap price
SteelPanther25 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:54:11 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy my family members that I like a house and car, then I'd fuck off to Beijing or some shit.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:54:49 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not go to work and take my dogs for a lovely long walk instead.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:55:42 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
continue sleeping
m4ttr1k4n ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:59:49 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At one point I actually tried to spend a trillion dollars. As a 10 year old with internet access in 2004, I ended up buying a few islands and a personal military's worth of decommissioned jets, tanks, and APCs. After all that, the annual interest at even 0.1% put me back over a trillion dollars.
You fund the shit out of stuff you want to see a reality.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:01:09 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anything I fucking want!
chinoz219 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:05:37 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build a new pc and a lot of games from steam, the proceed to wath youtube videos on it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:08:34 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Keep 200 billion for selfish purposes; random spending
300 billion for philanthropy, making the world a better place in general
Invest the rest for future generations, and so I don't collapse the economy or some shit as if 500 billion wasn't enough
gtrcar5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:10:46 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Nestle and turn them into a nice company that doesn't steal water from people & use child labour to make chocolate.
Buy controlling stakes in all of the major tobacco companies in order to cease all of their lobbying activities.
Then I would buy a vineyard in Piedmont in Northern Italy, hire someone to look after the vines & make the wine whilst I take up position as head of quality & tasting.
ramonaramonaflowers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:10:47 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy out all of Trump's businesses.
steve_2016 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:16:38 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy my wife a bunch of flowers and my 6 year old son a box of Lego.
Thunder_Dump79 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:16:47 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sigh a Sigh of relief, hug my wife kiss my kid and let the stress slip away as a go back to sleep.
FunnyButWeird ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:21:12 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe a little late but idc... assuming I am the rightful owner of the money...
I would try to make the world a good place by forcing as many as possible countries to improve their infrastructure, education, health care, science & research, etc. They will have to do it because I pay for everything. I'd buy companies that are directly involved in it and set high standards but also give a better pay.
Also I would want them to increase taxes for all tobacco products, alcohol and unhealthy foods. Depending on the level of damage it can do.
The motto is:"Do something good for the world. Get a good life in return." That means a lot of high paid work all over the world. With focus on countries below the equator. A lot of the European/ North American countries don't need that much attention for now and labor costs in "poorer" places in the world is cheaper. It will be a long process anyways and people need to see progress. I just buy certain media companies and spread the word. Probably there will be rebellions in most countries where the government says no to my plans. I could start a mafia where people get paid cash to build schools/ universities or provide knowledge.
Also I would make it illegal to produce weapons of any kind and pursue every country that says no. I don't even need military for it. With the economical power I now have I can make sanctions like governments. Although, at some point I would install a world wide anti-weapon police to strategically retrieve and destroy as many weapons as possible.
Basically I want to take over the world. And get my dick sucked every day while I order around world leaders as I watch the defeat in their eyes.
If the money is not mine tho... I would probably have real bad mood for a while and rant about the stupid bank for the rest of my life. And shed a single tear everytime I do.
Edit: Forgot about one thing... if the money came from somewhere else, the economy world-wide might be shattered. This could lead to the money being worthless.
If the money appeared from nowhere it might cause inflation to a catastrophic extend. Which could make the money worthless as well.
OP secretly wants to see the world burn. Sorry for bad english
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:22:47 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the company where I work and become the coolest boss that the world has ever known
JayM19 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:24:16 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take an even longer nap.
joeanthony93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:29:10 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep in
lileaux ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:29:20 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably go to a bank and convert it into pound sterling, considering I live in the UK..
trollkarln123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:39:04 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back go bed ?
Nickd3000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:40:31 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd hire the best scientists, economists etc and get them to figure out how best to improve the world with the money. I'd hire other people to oversee and manage things to avoid corruption. I want the best bang for my buck and the most good done to the world, and hopefully a lasting legacy of better thinking.
Czsixteen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:43:51 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Help people
physicssmurf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:48:47 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Post on /r/personalfinance asking what I should do.
Frapplo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:48:59 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Destroy the world's economy by spending all of it on nonsensical things, like literal horse shit.
IAMA_Plumber-AMA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:56:45 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=FdCy6MGOVfw
zxz242 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:00:12 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Compete with major corporations.
Build a military-industrial complex.
Invest heavily into technology that renders resource scarcity obsolete.
KingofSalmon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:07:44 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i'd build a fucking luxurious underground compound under some shitty metal shed and live underground for the rest of my life.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:12:15 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Realize it was a dream.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:13:12 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Texas, and rename it "Andrew Topia!" (And when I say Buy Texas, I will buy ALL of Texas. That means you Oklahoma! Im coming for your bitch ass!
Fluffcurfuffle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:15:17 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep for a day or two.
maracusdesu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:27:53 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldn't do anything because I would think the bank would notice soon and take all the money from my account and then I'd have to pay whatever I spent back.
I'd also cry.
watsee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:28:14 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy all of the tickets to a show by a band/singer I really don't like, then just not bother turning up.
CatToys ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:32:28 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off student loans, then take the remaining 3 bucks and go get a cheeseburger
Jepson_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:39:54 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hire every PMC I can and take over a country. Then install myself as leader and collect the best advisors worldwide. After this I spend a fucking ton of money on building infrastructure and factories and luring in foreign investment, securing education and food for everyone in the nation. Then I ally with the closest superpower and sit back as el presidente. My own lil tropico. Oh yeah and buy a Nintendo switch, maybe even treat myself to some fiji water and ferreros.
gianmahko ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:47:55 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd give 60% of it to as many homeless people as I could find so each of them could buy a house.
I could then cripple the housing market and use most of the remainder of my money to buy out all the properties that are for sale and now very cheap.
I'd then buy some weed and watch as estate agents cry
ckoppula199 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:50:47 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy 1 trillion 1 dollar candy bars
Thadude1984 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:55:11 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take a vacation to Mars.
Steffinily ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:58:32 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off all of our debt/bills. Get a house, save for college, Then DISNEYLAND/ DISNEYWORLD
beardedfuck678 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:01:02 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep until the bank figured out they fucked up.
christo334 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:06:25 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go the fuck back to sleep.
AaaaarghImaPirate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:08:34 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the state of North Dakota, nobody much want some it anyways, and terraform it into paradise. Even if I have to dome everything.
Kaiserhawk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:23:04 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
US or Zimbabwean?
๐๏ธ inapoc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:25:18 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OK, I've read through ALOT of answers here
You guys seriously don't understand how huge 1 trillion dollars is -_-
Ramin11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:28:34 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wonder how I fit $1 trillion into my bedroom. Then probably go get wasted again cause I obviously made some good calls last night wasted to all shit.
awesomo213 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:38:13 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think to myself ... "Sweet" then go about my regular day less stressed
emptyzombiekilla ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:47:21 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
$100 to anyone that asks me and when I hit 1 billion I'd buy every gun, skin, cosmetic, etc. in TF2 and CS:GO.
Billiam1234 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:54:16 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get an elaborate impenetrable vault far underground. Do you think there is a bank that can store one trillion dollars!?! Your money is gonna get stolen by some guys in clown masks or something, I'm gonna keep my cash money safe.
DerNeander ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:59:58 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two words: Miata Roadtrip!
Truth_Slayer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:15:25 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 chicks at once.
SoulWager ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:31:25 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably die. For example, getting hit by a giant gold meteorite.
Otherwise, figure out what's going on, and find a suitable lawyer.
As for what I DO with it, assuming I just suddenly and legitimately get access to that much wealth.
I hire some economists, and some people good at making computer models of whole economies. If I'm going to spend this, I'd prefer to only break the economy in the ways I want it to be broken.
Also, decoys and personal security.
I start an education program aimed at public school students that are being held back by the pace of their instruction. Basically, partially automated instruction paced exactly to the particular student, with the teachers acting more like tutors, generating interest and helping out with difficult bits.
Lets say this is something like 10 billion plus 1 billion per year. Preferably make the automated part of the instruction freely available to everyone, and offer the students that perform best in that a seat at schools designed to optimize it, and cover the system's weaknesses.
With the rest, put my current ISP out of business, fund some science missions, Try to build a prototype launch loop.
Oh, and spend 10m or so on a kickass home shop, computer, car, truck, house, etc. Not a mansion, 3bed 3.5 bath is more than enough. Just with all the little details done perfectly.
FuckThatGetMoney ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:34:21 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cocaine and hookers
jonathangariepy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:43:03 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd make a deal with the government, I'll pay Canada's whole government debt if they let me keep the rest.
Then I retire on the retarded amount of money left.
Priyon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:55:42 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll realize that is not the reality. I'll go back to sleep and wake up being a broke loser again.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:01:01 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Create a series of productive businesses that pay employees living wages (after putting ten million dollars in an annuity just in case i lose it all) and push out major corporations that use foreign workers and pay wages under $30k a year. Also a few animal sanctuaries and maybe buy out major areas of the rest belt, rip out all the concrete, steel, and what and turn them into food forest (fruit trees planted everywhere) with areas for sanctuaries for unwanted pets (all animals get fixed).
stereosteam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:18:32 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy pornhub premium and have a morning wank
lawlercrawler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:20:16 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my student loan debt then maybe have a few dollars left over for a mcdouble
AdamFiction ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:20:51 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Move out of my parent's house -- into a two bedroom house, for rent. Put the rest in the bank. Carry on as usual to not attract attention.
Fablemaster44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:23:13 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get an SUV like Nick Fury had in Avengers (how do I make the little "TM"?)
Buy myself a small house, then travel the fucking world. Seriously I would go to so many pubs, and drink so much cider.
bobybrown123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:24:27 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Parents a house and car in a nice location.
Buy myself a house with access to gigabit internet and move my friends in with me. And get a dank PC.
Los_Accidentes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:33:54 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would focus on overpopulation. This is truly the root of all the world's ills. I would start a foundation who's function is voluntary sterilization. Depending on the country, socioeconomic status, etc., I would offer men an amount of money to get a permanent vasectomy. $1,000 bucks, $10,000. Whatever the tipping point is to get the most volunteers for the least money. Bonuses would be paid to men who haven't reproduced yet. Of course I would invest all the money not actively being used to hopefully have enough to do everyone. Pun intended.
We are fucking destroying this unfathomably unique gem of rock we call home. It's entirely humanity's fault and we just keep on fucking. W have to get rid of some people. Like 6 out of the 7 billion gotta go.
Think about how far Billy Gates' money would go if there were only 14% of the targeted recipients remaining. His foundations would reach all of their goals.
If I had remaining funds I would then start planting trees. Any poor people would be given the job of planting trees based on incentives per tree. A second group would be responsible for trying to keep the saplings alive. I might consider something more drastic or immediate to pull the carbon from the sky.
Also, drugs. So many drugs. I would recreate the briefcase from Fear and Loathing, but on a massive scale. I would hire my own personal chemist to produce all the crazy Research Chems. Of course it goes without saying my close friends would all be liberated from their occupations so they could come try every drug ever made with me. That's what I'd do, well all that stuff I just wrote plus OP's mom. I'd totally do her so good. Pow! Right in the kisser.
_NateSmith96 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:35:15 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd go back to bed, cause obviously I wouldny have to work anymore.
asianfatboy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:39:03 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get my passport renewed, a tour visa, a brand spanking new camera, and however long it takes touring the entirety of my favorite country. Trying their cuisine, culture, photographing everything I see there, whatever. Then at the end give what's left of the trillion(which would still be a lot) to my family back home and then off myself in some isolated place.
hondarider94 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:43:19 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
quit my job. Tell them working saturday and sundays is bullshit especially when i drive 1 hour each way and get paid salary. so my 8 hour days are actually 10, get about 70 hours a week get paid for 40. TITS OUT..
Then id invest alot, buy a huge boat, new trucks, new sports cars, you know the guy stuff
IDemonixx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:45:33 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would get an email from my bank saying "Yo idk what you did but you got a dumb amount of money cuz." Then id do so much coke id die. Real talk.
Hellmark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:20 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would pay off all my bills, and those of my friends and family. New car, house repairs, etc. After that, I would totally Warren Buffett Things. Not lead an extravagant lifestyle, invest wisely, and charities.
I would probably retire, so my wife and I could adopt and be a stay at home dad.
countfragington ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:49 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whatever I wanted. And I don't mean like rich guy blowing money everywhere stuff. Just not work. Play some video games. Go for a drive. Walk in the park. Things I don't have time to do because there's bills to pay.
Xellos77 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:06:47 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off students loans. With the leftover money, buy a pack of gum.
Holioo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:16:46 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would go back to sleep.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:17:00 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bunkrupt the banks by putting it in with an interest rate.
inhuman44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:33:56 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start a foundation that funds big science.
Like fusion reactors and space stations.
eljay24 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:45:43 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep and hope when I wake up i have 2 trillion dollars
Dionysus24779 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:48:43 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing for like a week or so.
Then give out money to my family.
After that start a ton of pet projects, both to help others but also to entertain myself with.
But a good chunk of that money would be put away to never be touched and to live off its interest and such.
brandonmcgritle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:53:27 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a lollipop
TOM-CRUISE-MY-SHOES ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:02:38 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep
bluntmastershef ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:32:45 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy cocaine until I die
zagoth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:34:08 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
first spend a few 10s of millions ensuring my own protection for the near future as well as financial advice.
establish a trust fund for every school in Australia, ensuring that they can only spend the trust funds interest (200 billion) assuming 8% rate of return each school should rake in 1.5million each year ensuring that the quality of education skyrockets. Also ensure that they reinvest some of this money so the money does not eventually became worthless due to inflation.
do a similar thing with universities except with 100 billion ensuring that higher education is free or at least reduced to a trivial amount
use 400 billion to create and or assist agencies dedicating to fighting disease and creating usable and available birth control in the 50 lowest scoring nations on the human development index. also create aid in creating infrastructure and educational facilities. Again i would like these agencies to be perpetual and to not have to rely on continuous financial aid.
create another trust worth 50 billion for the care for and resettlement of refugees.
30 billion goes toward either creating a new space based company or financing an existing one, whichever my experts advise is the better long term odds of success.
10 billion for research to slow ageing or at least reduce the danger of brain degeneration diseases.
70 billion to develop cheaper renewable energy sources and create companies who would make use of these resources.
25 billion in one of these trusts to create shows and or movies, games, and books which dont need to make money so much as simply create good content. Things like ROME which despite being quite good, simply did not bring enough of a crowd to be financially viable.
4 billion will be kept for a year or 2 "minor" projects as they come up. Eg veteran aid, or drug rehabilitation services. Until i divest myself of it.
keep 1 billion for shits and gigs, who could possibly need any more.
Notes and reasons for
The stuff for only Australia is there for one because im fairly nationalistic. Also because its probably the largest country where this amount of the money still has a staggering effect. It would be interesting to see how much the government would cut funding for these essential services due to the fact that schools and unis financial services are largely dealt with.
I also want to note that i dont want to have anything to do with any of these trusts and companies in the long run. Having a shit ton of money is dangerous and i would probably rid myself of even that last 5 billion down to a few million because i would feel like there was a target on my back whether or not there actually was.
Finally, i spent way too much time thinking about this.
ThatGuyWorking ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:37:05 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd go to a number of small stores and tell them, "I'd like to buy everything you have."
I'd honestly like to see how they would respond to that, and how the checkout process would be like.
MeDoScience ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:37:45 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to bed again.
WeatherWrestlingGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:54 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Assuming it wasn't public.
I would try my best to live a normal life. Pay off my student loans, buy my family's farm back. Maybe buy a house. Donate a bunch to Planned Parenthood and the ACLU. Go on a trip maybe.
creeegen44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:05 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put it someplace I won't spend it all.
icedtizzle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:10:50 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep thinking that this was some sort of sick dream
JenovaCelestia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:24:51 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is all assuming I'm the only one with the trillion and none of you guys got any. Because if you all got a trillion, welp, they're worth lower than Zimbabwe Dollars. Anyway.
Hire a crack team of archaeologists and cave explorers. Basically, I want them to be locked away forever while I have them make a map to a trove I stashed worth $500 million on an island I purchased. Next, launch an ad campaign basically telling them that there is $500 mill up for grabs I want to see who finds it first. The catch is they could all die trying to get to the trove. And once they get there... They'll find a note inside.
Tbonewarrior ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:43:54 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time!
I_am_N0t_that_guy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:26 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oasis reunites for one last epic concert.
Ofc I have VIP access.
carlahern07 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:59:35 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First - quit my job Second - pay off debt Third - pay off my parents house Last - splurge. I deserve it
smuffleupagus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:58 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Am I the only one who would spend that money investing massively in healthcare and education in developing countries, as well as environmental projects?
Because I'd like to think that's what I'd do if I had the GDP of a country at my disposal. I mean. I'd also retire, travel the world, and pay off all my family's debts--you don't run out of that kind of money quickly, especially not if you invest a big chunk of it. And I don't have or care to have an ultra luxurious lifestyle. I'd rather give a kid an education than shit on a golden toilet. Wealth like that just makes me uncomfortable tbh.
santereality ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:32:51 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lifetime subscription to World of Warcraft
spoonhtml ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:00:39 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't have any real moral contract to give to charity or save the world-- I'd collect all of the people I know of that deserve a break, and give them a healthy amount of money that would enable them to live how they wanted, without need of working or stressing over bills. No catch. Just take it and enjoy life.
dion_o ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:11:59 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would use my immense power and influence to engage in a decades-long campaign of revenge and humiliation against anyone who has ever wronged me.
My campaign would be so meticulous and the destruction so complete that it would make the Count of Monte Cristo look like a road rage incident.
edam_cheese_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:38:16 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep.
Khitty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:58:19 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
... go back to sleep because I'm clearly dreaming :'(
Iezan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:40:18 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spend an entire afternoon at Blips and Chitz.
thisusernameis-taken ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:56:59 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put it in my savings account. Go back to sleep. Wake up a little later and go to class.
mean-mr-mstrd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:09:06 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy as much of the rainforest as I could
PM_ME_YOUR_DEW ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:11:26 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay for sex with OP's mom, and then save the remaining $999,999,999,999.99 (ha get it sex with OP's mom only cost 1 cent)
theDoctorAteMyBaby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:04:57 on March 11, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So many drugs.
theDoctorAteMyBaby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:11:27 on March 11, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
buy my sister a computer that can actually run Solidworks smoothly, which I'm assuming requires some sort of quantum processor.
ViZeShadowZ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:00:40 on March 11, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a Switch and play breath of the wild for the next week
flyinglifeaway ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:44:13 on March 11, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make a much better/happier life for myself.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:44:05 on March 11, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a large coke and a medium popcorn at the movie theatre
nuclearbastard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:55:13 on March 11, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First, I would probably follow u/BlakeClass 's advice on this thread. https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/24vzgl/you_just_won_a_656_million_dollar_lottery_what_do/chba4bf/
As for my list of stuff to do, I would:
Chenroke ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:30 on March 11, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eat expensive food everyday, exercise/lift all day, travel the world, and marry the girl of my dreams.
Jackins_Shipgutter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:47:38 on March 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Form private army, conquer the world and spend money and buy Runescape bonds.
worriedaboutyou55 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:42:41 on March 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would start and invest give money to good renewable companies that need the money buy all the video games go on a trip to land on the moon then just save the rest buy a house and driverless car.
theonepoofwonder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:12:51 on March 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Send a thank you email to that Nigerian prince
Aeayx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:49:36 on March 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep in.
RaspberrySam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:49:14 on March 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
See what the conversion rate is for Bison Dollars these days, buy a fancy hat, then plot to kidnap the Queen.
RealArtysin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:17:20 on March 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Supreme.
Goonersam157 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:06:49 on March 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drop out of school Buy a gym and a football pitch
ydwywwypbitch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:30:17 on March 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take over the world
angry_badger32 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:31:52 on March 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Calculate how many hyper-intelligent snails are now out to get me.
TheSimpleMind ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:18:33 on April 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There is a book about this topic from the german autor Andreas Eschbach, called: "Eine Trillion Euro".
ediebee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:36:26 on April 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/nocontext
alexbuzzbee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:33:39 on April 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sit down and talk with Elon Musk and Bill Gates about solving various major problems (hunger, poverty, etc.), and then putting people on Mars so we can survive if something happens. Then build anti-asteroid defense systems, and invest anything left over. Use the profits from the investments to fund education.
dario606 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:42:29 on June 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to sleep
Mi7che1l ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:24:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to college... sigh...
DrDank7 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:21:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the college
Mr_Murder ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:30:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give yourself a degree without ever going to class.
When_Ducks_Attack ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:46:11 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have the college come to you!
Toxicitor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:30:50 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"It says here you have a bachelor of everything from harvard, can you tell us how you got that?"
"Yeah, one day I woke up and I had more money than anyone in the world, so I bought harvard. I'm just here for work experience."
WesleyH32 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:26:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
check the house. Because if I wake up and see 1 trillion dollars near to me, I should be worried who put it there :P
magby200 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:43:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1 trillion in 100 dollar bills is 10 millions Kgs of paper...
FalconTurbo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:58:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you have a house in which you can fit one trillion dollars of any useful currency, stones or precious metal then you already have a decent life going.
NomadRon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:05:05 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drink my morning coffee and then go to work. Would spend my trillion on lottery tickets and hope that I hit the big one.
Honest_Honne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:33:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Imagine all the things you could do with all that money!
bozokeating ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:51:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy even more lottery tickets.
aggron306 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:29:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy those games that I had my eye on but couldn't quite afford
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:33:07 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck that, I'd buy out local game shops then drop off random loads of them off at high schools, libraries and various other bizarre locations that I believe will have people who can enjoy the games.
magby200 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:46:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would probably Just get for Honor. And even wait till its on sale
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:38:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Avalain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:08:13 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mind if I ask why? Or, better yet, what would make you happy?
MaybeLeijon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:10:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the government. Corrupt everything. Make billionaires dance for my amusement. Make it rain for days on one stripper.
Harpies_Bro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:12:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give my parents enough to pay off their debts and pay off my college fees.get a nice house for my friends and I at University next fall. Also ALL THE GAMES!
PM_ME_DOGSS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:43:52 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's interesting. You would give your parents just enough to pay off debts but not more so that they can retire and enjoy their retirement? Also, you would continue schooling? I guess if you enjoy learning. But you could do online courses from Harvard and MIT from your private yacht while docked in the south of France.
anonymapersonen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:16:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would keep around 1 million dollars so I can live a good life and probably spend the rest of it on cancer research. I hate cancer, I've lost several friends to it and nobody deserves to have it.
hrakkari ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:19:53 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Panic. Every second... so much taxes... the responsibility... who's that guy, is he here to ask for money... can't breath... I think my dog is trying to kill me for the inheritance... what year is it... I think my heart wants my money and is holding my blood hostage... why is there no air in this room can I not afford air with all this money...
Zzokat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:32:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Attempt to buy happiness.
scornucopia ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:28:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
... or at least a much better class of misery.
amd4891 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:37:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
my luck i would probably drop dead as soon as i found out
Whirnim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:43:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd live the my dream.
Mappinus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:47:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take 1 billion, save over half for taxes, and donate the rest to renewable energy, NASA, and other charities
Toxicitor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:15:57 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, are you donating 1 billion or 999 billion?
Pudgewhale ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:47:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get myself through medical school and pay off student loans
77paperbacks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:47:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Keep doing what I'm doing for now. Also tell NOBODY that I'm rolling in dough.
Pay for me and my sister's and my sister's sisters college education.
Still go into the field I want because I like it.
Buy a lot of undeveloped land and one tiny-but-fancy house right in the middle. Probably in Germany.
Adopt like 10 dogs.
Buy my mom her dream house and give her enough so she never has to worry about money again.
Travel anywhere I want, whenever I want bc fuck you I still have billions of dollars at my disposal.
Crank out some of the best films the world has ever beheld.
Donate whatever is left at the end of my life because I ain't having kids. (Dunno what I would donate to)
Die.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:49:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drop out of High School and leave everybody.
Gold_enddy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:55:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Divide 0.5 trillion to others and left 0.4 out of 0.5 to my children for business. The last 0.1 for my wishes to enjoy the life
xERR404x ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:56:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy every remaining Dusenberg on the planet and a giant-ass garage to put them in. Then pay for the rest of my university tuition.
Burnsomebridges ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:21:03 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Report it to the IRS. Then whatever I want
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:40:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Burnsomebridges ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:42:31 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A million is enough to for me and daughter to be set for life.
Toxicitor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:47:07 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Hey boss, this lower-middle class reddit addict just spent 10 billion dollars in the last week, is that right?"
And that's how you get yourself thrown in jail.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:04:23 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Toxicitor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:29:49 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Money launderers have been refining that art for decades.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:25:51 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Reddit and get rid of the shills and big corporations influence, returning this website to its former glory.
Jonswosh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:26:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give myself Reddit gold. Lord knows that's the only way it's going to happen.
thedegenerateone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:31:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get a lawyer
x0_Kiss0fDeath ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:33:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We discuss this quite a bit in the office as we play the lotto once a month and we chat about what we'd do with the millions we'd each win.
I specifically would just pay off my student loan debt ASAP. Then I would pay off the mortgage on my house. I would then look at jobs that I would enjoy more but wouldn't pay the bills the way my current job does. I might even plan one really nice holiday.
That's all I could probably accomplish in one day. After that I would probably buy a few rental properties and renovate my house to be the way that I want it and I would just save the rest.
yourmomsdrawer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:44:30 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
take a big fucking brown dump on my boss' desk
DarkLordFluffyBoots ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:53:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First step: blow 100,000 on bullshit Second step: invest Third step: buy politicians
Novaraa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:55:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
cure cancer, buy a country and make it a healthy science based place that is accepting of all cultures and has awesome food. cure cancer with nanotech and cure everything else along the way. end world poverty and homelessness and give an equal education to everybody even if they arent in a poor country because no matter where you go even in a rich country there are those that do not have access to an equal education. and build a trebuchet that can launch 90000kg 30000000 miles boom!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:55:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One trillion dollars. What a stupid useless thing.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:22 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To put this into some perspective since "trillion" is firmly in the category of "no seriously I can't even comprehend that much money":
One of the most expensive purchases you will make in your life is a car. One of the most expensive high-performance cars made was the Pagani Zonda Revolucion, and since it's basically an F1 car, and the measly 3 million dollar price tag is nothing to you, let's say you want your own private raceway. The cost of doing that according to Top Gear (and I'm quoting this from memory) was somewhere around $5 billion.
If you bought 50 of those cars, and a different race track for each, you'd still have just shy of 900 billion dollars to spend.
So let's talk about houses: the most expensive house in the world is a 27 story skyscraper in an expensive district in Mumbai; it costs $1 billion. You could afford to put one of those on each of your 50 race tracks (we'll ignore that a big reason that that place costs so much is the location for simplicity's sake), and still not be under 800 billion. You could repeat this process roughly 5 more times, for a total of about 250 racetrack mansions to deplete your fortune if you were being entirely frivolous.
catfroman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:28:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's absolutely no way a raceway would cost anywhere near $5 billion. I doubt it would even top $20 million, unless you're talking full stadium with absolutely all the amenities. Even then, there's no way it's going over $100 million. Also you quoted $5 billion for a racetrack, said you'd buy 50 of them, then said you'd have just under $900 billion left. 5 * 50 = 250, which means you'd have $750 billion left.
You don't math good
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:30:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
well shit, back to the drawing board.
Raph_E ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:57:21 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cry.
BiggieFriesnShake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:57:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start my own business, buy some property, travel and put some money away for my son's college fund and my retirement fund.
PM_me1bitcoin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:47 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy stem cell shots so I can get better
Young_Metzgro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:01:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Literally just told my roommates i wanted 1 trillion dollars worth of Mocha Chocolate Milanos. So that.
catfroman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:26:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Goddamn those are so good when you dip them in milk. Hold them there for 8 - 10 seconds until they're suuuper soft. That shit is heaven
Young_Metzgro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:34:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No time man, i gotta eat em all real quick.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:02:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest, wait 5 years, then wipe Canada's deficit and live on the remaining billions forever. I'd get my own page in the history books.
Kaiiro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:05:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
a trillion? as in 1000 billion? well, id pay off my parent's house, cars, etc... give them a million, all my friends a million, donate a few to my school, hospitals, etc.
most people would say they would drop out of school and go live a life of luxury. but, to be honest, i feel like i would get super bored after a week. id probably stay in high school and college, get some casual office job, just for something to do. and, the best part is that i would never get stressed. if anything bad happened in school, i can always say that it doesnt matter if it doesnt work out because i have a fucking trillion dollars
Showteezy21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:05:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give my parents 10 mil a piece, my sister 3, and everyone else gets what they get from me when I decide to give it. Other than that? To hell with any other life stress from that moment of victory on. I'll donate my home I live in now to someone in need. I'll give my truck to someone or some kid who needs to get to school/work. And I'll disappear immediately to wherever my happy ass decides is best. For atleast a few weeks. Because I'll probably have a mansion wherever it is. RIP Biggie Smalls
GozerDaGozerian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:16:32 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get the ball rolling on the construction of my dream house. Its not very big on the surface but it goes down three stories into a self sufficient bomb shelter.
Buy a top of the line RV and travel North America on a food tour (specifically the BBQ capitals).
When I return from my gluttonous road trip, I'll hire the best Hollywood personal trainers to shed the weight.
Now I'm fit, healthy, and rich. I can live my life as I see fit, and write the novels I've been dreaming about since high school.
randomcanyon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:18:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Invest in Elon Musk private space travel. Pay off sons student loan debt. With the rest I would buy a coffee from Starbucks. (My first)
arkain504 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:28:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd still go to work. I'd do my work and when I heard anyone having trouble with whatever. I'd leave money for them the next day.
I'd also donate to my favorite twitch streamers just to see the reactions.
Then start doing local charity work in my city. And probably anything I heard about on the radio having to do with veterans.
Awizy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A trillion in the system we have in Sweden or a trillion in the American system? Because a trillion in Sweden is a thousand billion which is a thousand milliards which is a thousand millions instead of the us system skipping milliards and replacing them with billions?
dfslkjbnltalrvlxdguh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:41:59 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Build 10 million homes in the UK and let people live in them rent free.
Fuck the baby boomers and their property values - I'll FORCE them to have houses worth next to nothing. Fuck 'em.
Dr3wGMac ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:06:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy out Monsanto & Nestlรฉ and shut'em down
HamzaAlbeast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:51:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not the gmos
JackP133 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:09:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a several thousand acre ranch in the north west and build my dream lodge, complete with a shooting range, woodworking and blacksmithing shop, weed farm, and badass backyard roller coaster. After that, I'd do some travel, and comfortably living out the rest of my life tucked away from society. Just shooting guns, making stuff, and growing weed for other people (not a smoker but I just think it would be fun)
gives-out-hugs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hostile takeover of trump inc and then fire all the trumps and release the actual financials of the company
dailyhero90 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:56:34 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Become the next president of the united stats :)
DayvanWest ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:56:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, where do I start? I guess I'll probably put a small amount into savings. Either that or invest that small amount, just so it can potentially grow.
From there, tell my sister that she won't have to worry about paying for college, because I'm going do that for her.
Then, I suppose I'll take some of my personal belongings, sell the rest, and move to a certain island in the Caribbean. A place where the water's blue, and the only thing I need to wear is a white shirt and a pair of swim trunks.
And then I'll write a book.
fromkentucky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:54 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Like actual currency or in my bank account?
$1 Trillion in cash is a completely different animal from $1 Trillion in net worth.
HaroldSax ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:00:39 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A lot.
There's other shit too, but basically with that kind of money, you can do a lot of good and silly shit. I'd like to think I'd stay fairly modest because of how I grew up but I'm pretty sure I'd have a golden house by the time I was 50 with fucking tigers prowling the backyard or some shit.
ColonelKindBud ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:41:11 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
buy enough keys to open every rocket league rare crate I have and then max out my clash royale account.
CoffeeDragon16 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 12:34:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would burn most of it, (it would smash the economy), and then build a MONSTER gaming PC. And a better bed. That's it.
ivoryisbadmkay ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:46:07 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Technically you saved the economy.
fitness111 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:15:26 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think it would have the impact you expect.
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 13:29:01 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do nothing, I would have just won this life thing.
DrBarrel ยท -11 points ยท Posted at 12:36:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would pay my study loan and buy a taco at Taco Bell, and then go back to have no money.
-Me if I was from the US.
classactdynamo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:15:31 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could purchase Taco Bell or, even better, merge with it.
NiceAnusYouHaveThere ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 12:31:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tie up the courts system with free appeals for any crimes where I don't personally agree with the perpetrator being arraigned for. Caught with drugs? Drug driving? Tax evasion? Anything else I think should not be a criminal offence? No worries, we'll waste as much court time as possible for each and every case where I don't personally agree with the police prosecution. Teach the police and the courts exactly how things should work and not the other way around.
Ryokoo ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:53:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my student loans. Then use the remainder to buy me a fancy valu menu lunch at McDonalds.
Notaroadbiker ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:01:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In no particular order,
Take a short break from work next fall to; Go to school for fun, not take a single test. Maybe take law. Build a racecar and race it like hell Start a small business incubator. Open an outdoor shooting range here. Probably become president of Mexico and actually make it a place that people are clamouring to leave.
Yeah. Thats it so far. Then maybe go back to work when im done.
Jaereth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:14 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done this before but you should really take the tests. If you are there because you are passionate for the subject you probably know the info anyway because you were simply there to learn, not achieve a higher goal. Then it's always on your record and who knows?
SayceGards ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:01:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my student loans. Pay off my mom's house. Help out my 3 dad's with a little cash. Donate to Christopher's place.
I've thought about this a lot.
HankyLanky2 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:06:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would rid the world of inconsistent verb tenses.
1BitcoinOrBust ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:07:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It costs on the order of $1000 per head of population to build a desalination plant. I think with a trillion dollars, I can generate enough fresh water to basically solve the middle east, most of whose problems can be traced back to not having enough water.
bornpoppunk ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:19:18 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pay off my college , pay off my parents debt , save for my brother and my sisters college fund, buy a house, buy 5 dogs and 5 cats , prepare for my 10 year long training to become batman.
frogspa ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:24:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy as much of the Amazon as possible and start researching the remaining plants for medicine.
That and tell my bosses to go fuck themselves.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:36:35 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would keep 0,01% and invest 99,99% into my own giant pharma corp, hire the best researchers money can buy and give away all meds I make for free by operating off the interest. And I'd invest every penny of these interests that was leftover into more research.
I'd advance human medicine and put big pharma out of business, all by myself.
BasChan ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:12:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put aside enough to finish college, pay out of my lease and rent a better apartment by myself without my roommates. Then I'd buy my cats an awesome tower thing. The rest would probably be spent on a car and I'd buy myself a ps3 because I don't have my own but I've got a shit ton of ps3 games...I'd also get my computer working properly (or buy a new one). The rest would probably be put aside for rent and food.
Bradderz01 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:13:56 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put aside...you have enough for three lifetimes, the fuck would you need to put money aside for.
BasChan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Paranoia. You never know what could happen. Plus there's random medical expenses because I'm constantly sick or injured, car and computer maintenance, and vet bills for my cats and their food and stuff...I'm a member of my local bdsm club so I've got to pay for my dinners at the munches and the entry fee once a week. Also I'd wanna put aside some to get interest in bank accounts for my siblings... I dunno. I guess I wouldn't wanna spend too much upfront because I'd feel guilty for spending so much money. I feel guilty for spending $1 for the bus. I dunno how well I'd handle spending a trillion...
nachC ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:23:46 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would use that money to make people understand that calling a 1 followed by 12 zeroes "a trillion" is stupid. Or I'd just make coffe and take a shit.
dunwoodyres1 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:25:58 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd bang OP's mom
potentpotables ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:34:49 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time.
chefranden ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:06:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd pay Trump to quit.
Hamsternoir ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:44:10 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably some weed, it's a lot to get your head round.
iCaused ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:48:20 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He's already rich
Meatymike1 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:51:09 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Match NASA's for ten years, fund planned parenthood for ten years, and do everything in my power to reverse whatever trump and company are doing.
Aging_Shower ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:11:48 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Move to an apartment in the city and get friends.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:16:08 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wonder how in the hell Im going to legally account for and be able to use it
98rmanchester ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:19:57 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Keep 100 Billion and donate 900 Billion to NASA
Lemonpi3 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:20:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If i woke up with a million dollars tomorrow id still cringe at ur english/grammar usage even though id be focused on what to spend it on
ohnoitsart ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:23:50 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give 25% to charity 25% to my parents invest 25% and save 25%
kaenneth ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:32:11 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy all the drug companies, and increase all their prices.
freakinthing ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:34:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll tell ya what I'd do. Two chicks at the same time man.
ThalmorInquisitor ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:43:15 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
โข Pay off student loan
โข Design a house, get it built.
โข New car. Tesla with driver correction please.
โข Investments to regain funds
โข Payment of further degrees and courses to further my understanding
โข Hire someone to be my on call advisor.
โข Find out how best to cause socialcultural change that is mutually positive for all. Maybe pay some analysts to do this. Chuck money at the solution until it happens.
cristiand90 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:44:27 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buyout every moba and shut them down.
Rebelo86 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:51:16 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd pay off my family's debts, remodel my home, and donate half of the total sum to planned parenthood and Doctors Without Borders. Then I think I'd do some angel investing and get to the gym every day.
Edit: buy a horse. I miss horseback riding.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:59:40 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy some of the largest and least-needed companies in the world such as Coca Cola and rip them apart, sell off the pieces for pennies to people who have big dreams and hearts but no money and the rest would go toward making individual lives better when I saw a sincere need, Seven Pounds style. My money would run out quickly despite the massive number "trillion" if I gave it away to everyone in need. So I would need to think hard about how to give it to people who cause a Rube-Goldberg effect on their good fortune.
Also I would attempt to gain control of every intelligence agency in the world and force them to do kind things for each others' nations. I would buy laws that change the way we govern ourselves in regards to privacy, ownership, intellectual property, basic income. I'd be so rich that I wouldn't give a shit about what the opposition thinks. We're willing to tackle every stupid and impossible problem until it has to do with helping others because no one thinks anyone should have it easier than them.
Well everyone would simply have to deal with the new world where we don't let people die for no reason. Instead of wealth or insecurity guiding each principle, I would force us to evolve in a world that reflects the abundance and privilege that plenty of us have experienced.
We love building casinos in deserts because they make money. We rob nearby locations for water just to support gluttonous monuments like hotels that reach the sky, etc. Instead, I would use that same arrogant effort to force clean water to places like Nigeria so we can begin educating the people who need it most.
Because as I said, these things aren't impossible. They just don't make people money so no one gives a shit. I would change that and I would make people give a shit. I would make fun of people who have money but don't choose the most potent actions. It would be cool to help people rather than it currently being cool to be a narcissistic, apathetic teenager who never grew up or got the "i hate people" chip off their shoulder.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:11:28 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get a financial advisor asap and pay off my college debt immediately. That's all I got rn
blacksheep710 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:12:12 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Burn it
fungah ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:53:42 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Isis. I wouldn't do anything with Isis. I'd pay them not to anything in fact. Inside of a huge dome outfitted with cameras. And charge $5.00 a head to visit the Isis zoo.
Sarkeysmo ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:57:00 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am drugs. . Yup that sums it up.
Fletch_McCoy ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:06:41 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy the mother fucking moon and build a house on it
MandoMark ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:49:19 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call in to work, report that I am suffering from "Anal Glaucoma" - I just don't see my ass coming in ever again!
djramrod ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:22:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two chicks at the same time, man
PLATOU ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:31:17 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
make it rain so long i'll drown a stripper
Roo_Gryphon ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 00:54:55 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
finally be able to afford medical care in the USA?
TrulyVerum ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 00:57:43 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
-Donald Trump
Itzie4 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 02:48:29 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy my girlfriend whatever truck she wanted. And pay for her tuition.
houstexxx ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:45:10 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stuff
Xc0liber ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:46:27 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Slowly but surely buy up every condom company. Imma control that shit. You want safe sex, give me the monies.
Then I'll move to sex toys. Too slack just gonna do a tldr
Tldr: buy all sex related shits so i can be called the god of sex
DozeNutz77 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:55:54 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your mom
tubewatch ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 14:53:38 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not much different that what I currently do. I would quit work to pursue, full-time, writing, reading, and opening a senior dog shelter.
NippleGrenade ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 15:01:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One trillion dollars could buy a lot of bling One trillion dollars could buy most anything One trillion dollars buying bullets, buying guns One trillion dollars in the hands of killers, thugs
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 15:04:24 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
id finance drug legalization
philmarcracken ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 15:22:55 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Order more cours of The devil is a part timer.
More of claymore.
More of Yozakura Quartet(Tatsunoko, not nomad).
More Full Metal Panic Fumoffu
More Raildex
More Blood lad.
More twintails
MrLaggron ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 15:28:36 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Try to find out how I managed to get more money than it exist in the whole world.
Eidder ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 17:42:02 on March 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your mum
PanTran420 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 00:57:42 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd pay the Trump administration 1 Billion each to straight up resign.
earthlyguy42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:12:29 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whats the point? Just live you life and keep the $.
PanTran420 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 01:20:35 on March 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two reasons:
That would barely put a dent in 1 trillion dollars. I don't need 1 trillion dollars. I could give away everything but a billion and still be set for life.
It would make the world a better and safer place to live, IMO.