When my daughter started walking, I flipped all of our door handles to open upward (they're lever types). It was beautiful seeing our adult friends trying to figure them out. Even better when I put them back to normal about a year later which just confused them again.
I love this! You normally don't even really notice doors when you open them, must be really weird when they're different.
At my middle school they used to have one missing door. So of course they didn't buy a new one. Oh no, the teachers did what every responsible adult would do, keep stealing other teacher's doors.
The bell finally rang and all the kids left for the second bus (we had 2 bus times for city and county kids) and I get up from my desk to get a cup of coffee and bring a few files to our secretary when I hear a weird tapping noise. I look out my door down the hall and I don't see anything odd, but I'm still hearing it. I go to the office and my just my luck, the secretary is gone. I go to find the janitor, Chris, to get the office unlocked when I find our science teacher tapping the hinges out of the door to the computer lab. Then he just tosses the hammer to the side and picks up the door. As he's turning to get the door out between the doorway he looks at me and lowers his brow.
"You saw nothing"
Xenexex ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 03:32:56 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Another thing too you can keep in mind is all doors to the outside of a building open outwards, and in a hallway doors typically open into the rooms, so you don't cream somebody running down the hall.
yeah my highschool had all doors open out to the hall
Delioth ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:06:21 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Smaller hallways - Schools are required to have doors open out for safety reasons (it's easier to kick in a door that opens inwards than it is to wrench a deadbolted door open towards you)
This is so the hinges will not be exposed and make the security of the door vulnerable to someone removing the hinge pins.
On commercial buildings, they are usually required by code too open outward so that a mob of idiots can get out in the event of fire or something else that might generate a panic and cause them to get all pushy-shovey up against the door to where the person in front would be incapable of pulling it open. For this reason, commercial buildings usually have to use secure hinges on their external does that prevent the hinge pins from being removed.
Our bathrooms had doors that you could slide up and off their hinges, so naturally half the doors were eventually stolen. This lead to people taking doors from other bathrooms or occupied stalls so that they could have privacy
You know, you said it would be weird with the door being different because you don't notice them and it brought up a memory of something I read. Apparently, hypnosis can be induced in these brief moments of confusion. There was even a therapist who could induce hypnosis by a quick handshake. It has something to do with exploiting the brains "auto-pilot". https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milton_H._Erickson
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 20:52:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One of our doors is like that because my dad put it in upside down.
We have a faucet that the world's worst contractor put in for us, and you have to turn the handles backwards. It's in the guest bathroom which we really never use, so it's funny to see our guests (who have usually had a few drinks by then) try to figure out how to shut off the water. When they finally figure this out, I'll actually fix it, and then I'll have even more amusement!
When they finally figure this out, I'll actually fix it, and then I'll have even more amusement!
dont believe
Mortido ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:57:35 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We did this to stop my cat from getting in the basement, was the only thing that ever worked. Dude was smarter than a velociraptor.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:14:01 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is standard practice in mental homes, the upside down door handles are impervious to the clients attempts to open them. Staff just use the handle the wrong way. The clients never seen to notice or learn...
Actually, I suppose that's a technicality... "our older than a child but still not actually ready to be adults yet, friends"... But hey, isn't that all of us?
All of our lever handled door openers do the same thing if you push them up or push them down. You must have different lever handle door openers than we have.
I have definitely done this to people, but I always come clean about it after a little while. One of my favorites was to pick someone's pocket at my old job (I am not a master thief, but in context it wasn't that difficult) and then leave it in a specific spot that wasn't near where they worked, but was close enough that they might have set it there and forgotten. After the fourth or fifth time it happens in a shift they start going crazy, and everyone gets a good laugh out of it.
I put in a work order to fix the kitchen sink at my apartment. They fixed it but they changed the direction of how the knobs turn. It's now lefty tighty righty loosey
Ya sure it all starts off as a harmless burglary . But then your best friends wife starts getting black eyes, saying she "walked into a doorknob" and he's arrested and then you never tell a soul and take on his identity and support his family while pretending to be him.
Also, return every week and replace a picture with a Photoshopped version with one person missing. Start with a picture of a large family gathering, and then photoshop photos that have fewer people, slowly working your way until you use a school picture and remove the student.
thumpas ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:18:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Am I the only one who doesn't have family photos in the house? Who has time to print and frame pictures? Plus I would always have to take them down when I masturbate.
God, I love this! I might actually initially photoshop strangers in their place kind of like that Back to the Future picture with MJF changing into Eric Stoltz.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:44:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We did something similar to my grandma when the whole family was staying with her. Every day we'd blue tack a photo of Phil Mitchell's head onto a picture in our living room, but the rule was we had to do it while she was there with us.
Se7enLC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:42:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just saying, that would scare the crap out of folks, and not annoy them. :)
snuff3r ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:39:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Photoshop out there teeth! One a week.
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 349 points ยท Posted at 12:27:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I like this one, might not be noticed immediately, but it still looks kinda correct
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:19:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It really works if at least one of the photos has text in it. Especially really significant text like "happy birthday" that definitely would have looked normal when you took the photo.
Once they notice I feel like they'd know something was off but not sure what. Every day they'd go back to check. Still not sure. Once they accept that their is nothing wrong with it, switching back. When they look again they'll be driven mad by the feeling of it being off again.
It's kinda like the feeling you get when you find the toilet paper looped under the roll versus over the roll or vice versa. It just doesn't feel quite right. Wait, I just figured out my answer to OP's question....I'd screw with people's toilet paper.
I did not read things well enough so that's probably not the case :(
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 16:21:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you've got mad photoshop skills, scan all the photos and then break in about once every six months to replace the photos with slightly aged photos. Over the course of ten years or so, the photos would have totally aged with them and it'll freak them out. Works best if you can find multiple photos of how they actually have aged over time and start with baby photos.
'Stephen, didn't we take this photo when Millie was a baby? She's got to be at least ten or twelve in this photo!"
My brother came home from Afghanistan with a full beard and while he was the only one home at my parents house he drew a beard on all of the pictures of himself, even the old high school ones. No one noticed for a few days.
Asmor ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:33:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Actually did something similar to this to a coworker.
We had this prank where we'd hide this Power Rangers doll with a skull on its head in each others' cubes. My coworker had a picture of him and his GF on the beach. So one day, I take a pic of the skull-headed doll in front of his picture, print it out, and put that in the frame in front of his picture.
Took him weeks to notice the giant skull photobomb.
Hehe. When my parents went on vacation for three weeks, I replaced all the family photos (there aren't many on display) with photos of Russian president Vladimir Putin while looking after the place. Not really sure how long it took them to notice.
My husband printed out a bunch of Nic Cage heads and put them over one family member in every framed photo in my moms house. She was still finding them months later.
If I were living in that house I'd believe I had been switched with another version of me from an alternate dimension just slightly different than my own. I'd wonder what else was different and it's bug me my whole life.
It's amazing for binge-watching certain topics, though. I just started using Hulu yesterday while hungover, and I started out watching documentaries on Queen Elizabeth I, and then I somehow ended up watching this long explanation of what life was like in ancient Rome. It was like Hulu read my mind because I've been watching Rome on HBO and it couldn't have autoplayed that movie at a better time.
Mine does occasionally. It will ask me if I'm still watching. I have had it happen where I'll start watching the last season of a show, fall asleep midway through and wake up watching another show.
But then you have to use the remote to play the next episode
fl0w_io ยท 177 points ยท Posted at 16:30:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You still have to find the bloody remote when they prompt "Are you awake"? I feel so shitty every time I press yes, because it's like they're asking "Dude, enough TV, go out sometime maybe?"
I occasionally speedrun Super Mario Galaxy 2, and after a couple hours Lubba's all "Gee, you've been through a lot lately, Captain. Maybe it's time to take a break?" And he complains if you play at night, like past 1am. Way to judge my life, Lubba.
Dude, don't even get me started on that shit. I used to work overnight shift, meaning I slept around 2 pm. As a result i'd come home from work and occasionally have a beer and cigarette in my balcony at like 9-10 am, there was one older lady that would usually walk her dog around the same time and she usually saw me.
One day there was a domestic disturbance in my building (I lived alone), and someone called the cops, the cop came to my door and started asking me questions thinking I was the one causing the disturbance until he realized I really did live alone. With an interesting look on his face he politely asked me about my job and when I worked, when I told him he smiled and apologized for disturbing me and went looking for the real source of the disturbance.
I found out later from one of the other neighbors that the lady had called the cops, and called them on me because I was "the useless unemployed drunk" according to her.
I feel like it's judging me when it does that. Netflix is all "Are you still watching Firefly?" Fuck off Netflix it's only been 3 episodes and I haven't even watched that show more than like 7 times yet jeez
fl0w_io ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:57:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Aye, watching Firefly is when I get judged most often as well. Like, one just can't watch one episode. The rest of the series has to follow. If only they had Serenity as well :(
Where do you live? In the US Serenity is also on Netflix
fl0w_io ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:42:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
WHAT? I'm in Sweden. That's bullshit. Stupid licensing, can't they (the distributors, I understand Netflix's position in this) just drop the bureaucracy already. All they're doing is losing money, it's not like I'll go out and buy that BR/DVD - I don't even have a disk-player anymore. Netflix, HBO or ... other means.
Well, if you're looking to do it strictly legally, I'm sure there's a way to buy a digital copy from somewhere. Otherwise...well, there are other means. If they leave you no choice, so be it
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:11:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
This is the only thing I use my Kinect for. Sooo convenient
chadcf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah but if you don't use the remote you have to watch 30 seconds of credits while netflix counts down to autoplay the next episode. I find that if I'm awake I'd much rather use the remote than watch 30 seconds of credits.
That's why I'll watch a show today I've never seen for a while, then once i start getting sleepy, I switch to Archer or Futurama or something that I've already seen every episode 50 times.
That way I don't feel the need to listen closely if my eyes are shut, and the fact that I haven't seen it doesn't keep me awake.
Are you on a tablet or phone? I always do this on my tablet. 'n' and 'm' instead of space. Annoys the shit out of me because it completely fucks up autocorrect too.
I sleepwalk sometimes, and apparently one of the things I do is watch shows. So this happens to me from time to time. The funny thing is that I will feel like I have seen the episode I watched while sleepwalking, but I can't remember where or when I did so; it's a strange feeling.
Khiash ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:19:59 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I finally decided to turn off auto-advance because of this. Now I just can never remember when I fell asleep during an episode, and where I have to start...
vapir1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:13:51 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you take Ambien you might just watch your favorite shows and ones you might not even watch while "sleep walking". I once went to play Fallout and found my game advanced farther than I remember. And I somehow accrued over 100 Stimpaks, thank you sleep walking me.
I use a shared Netflix account and even though people can make individual profiles, everyone decides to use my account, and decides to watch my shows, exactly where I decide to stop.
Incase this happens to you, just go to https://www.netflix.com/WiViewingActivity and check the last episodes viewed. Saves a LOT of time.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:03:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This would be the worst. Especially if you did it on shows that recap what happened in the last episode in the beginning
Bizurns ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:54:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, I'm imagining starting a episode of SoA and watching the 'previously on Sons of Anarchy' section and really being confused. My wife would blame me and I'd stick to my constant accusation that she watches episodes before me which is why she always guesses the plot twist. Damn you.
I actually fucked with my asshole roommate in a similar way a few years ago. It was the premier of the new season of house of cards, and he was using my Netflix account without my permission (found out because I don't watch half the shows he does but they're now in my continue watching panel. So I opened up house of cards and skipped to the last minute of random episodes so when he would forget to hit play from beginning it would ruin the ending.
Let me just clarify the other 3 of us disliked this roommate a lot and he was a huge asshole
pofish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:31:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Then my SO will assume I skipped ahead and watched all the shows we watch together, which is akin to cheating in our household.
Mqtty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:35:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I do this to a friend, she used my account and once a month I'll go forward like 3 seasons and watch a couple episodes just to piss her off. She still hasn't said anything to me about it.
Better yet go a few episodes ahead, watch varying lengths of the episode then change episodes and repeat a few more times, that way when it auto plays and gets to those episodes it'll start them midway through!
queed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:03:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
or conversely make the Hulu subscribers lose their minds as you watch the new episodes before they do and before they know it they've missed the new eps of their favorite shows!
I actually packed my roommates supply and put it in the garage. My mother uses the hall bathroom, I'll buy the decent toilet paper if you can't afford it you poor soul!
Alternatively, you make small while cylinders the approximate dimensions of the average TP. It could be made of paper and you could unfold it at the place so you can carry a bunch with you. Find their toilet paper stash, and take all the TP out. Replace with the white cylinders. Go to the washroom(s) and roll out the TP there, and make it a very small amount, so if they go to take a dump they need more. Take all the TP with you.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:33:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't this kind of what Mr. Twit did in Roald Dahl's book? He added a little bit of height to his wife's cane and chair every day and then convinced her she has "the shrinks".
EDIT: Nice to know so many people remember this book!
skylynes ยท 939 points ยท Posted at 16:55:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I got in trouble when I was younger because I called this book "the twats". I didn't know what a twat was.
When I was a little kid, I'd make up nonsense words for sounds I'd hear. Like the annoying weed whacker my neighbor would use between the houses that would wake me up in the morning was the 'brazzit." We lived on the path for an airport nearby, and the planes were the "rumbish." But the word I decided on for the sound of the dishwasher when it clicks and goes into a lower pitch? Starts with "N" and rhymes with "bigger."
I'd never heard the word before, thought it was nonsense. And my parents were horrified. I got in so much trouble. We had a world globe in the living room I used to stare at all the time, and I remember the day I found Niger, I felt so justified. And got into so much trouble again.
I see another person awkwardly found the N-word tooโฆ My black friend in third grade told me to scream itโฆ So I didโฆ My teacher was also black... It did not end well.
My black friend in 4th grade told me a very funny joke using the N-word, however it wasn't nearly as well received when I decided to go around telling it to everyone...
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:02:03 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid we did "eeny meeny miney mo, catch the tigger by the toe". Years later I was horrified when I found out what it should have been.
I've got my own accidental N-word story. This one time in fourth grade, my friend and I were rhyming a bunch of nonsense words. It was stupid, but we were laughing like goons. We'd say something like "Chair... dlair-syair-hlair-zair..." and so on. At one point, I said, "Yeah, well it's bigger! Digger-rigger-zigger-kigger-nigger-" Suddenly the teacher yells, "Watch your mouth!", and every black kid in the room gives me a death glare. And here I am, suddenly scared and confused, having no idea what I said. The worst part is that nobody would tell me what I had, which only confused me more. I eventually found out which word was the naughty one, but of course that was like a month after I went and blurted it out in a crowded classroom.
My multicultural men's group was meeting at my house when my young son came out with "eeny meeny miny moe, catch a ...... tiger ....by the toe. I had to swallow my heart before I could start breathing again.
...I used to play eeny meeny all the time as a kid in the 90s, except we really did say "tiger", and it only just occurred to me how obvious it is what the rhyme should be. Oh man. Kids are so stupid and innocent.
I mean the song doesn't make any sense regardless, just like many other kids rhymes. Now I have to look up the origin of this, very interesting though...
Yeah, as a kid we used the "good" and the "bad" version so when my son started the chant I was uncertain which he and his friends used. We had black friends but I wasn't certain he knew about slurs and such at his age.
witheld ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:03:44 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The sad part was that all the black kids knew that word and knew that it was an insult. I promise it wasn't an authority figure teaching them to hate it...
When I was about 8 years old I lived in an apartment complex, and one day this (white) family from Arkansas moved in. The little girl was 6 years old, had some major issues and went straight to starting fights with all the other kids. She started calling me and a couple of my (white) friends the N-word.... We had no idea what it meant, but we could tell it was meant to be offensive, so naturally we got upset and then went around telling our other friends what she said. Finally the one black girl in the complex explained it to us. Super awkward.
My younger brother often did this, to my amusement. My favorites were Horny the rhino and Dike the T Rex that would have epic battles in front of company.
When I was a kid a teacher the class if anyone knew a country that started with 'N,' and I thought I would look smart if I said 'Niger' but I had only seen the spelling, never the pronunciation.
Haha, I used to do this too. It was in like 3rd grade when we were studying suffixes and prefixes and I would try to make up random words and I would ask my parents constantly if this was a word etc. Eventually they had enough of me and bought me a dictionary lol
DubRum ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:36:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In 3d grade we had to draw patterns on a piece of paper for art class.... A few days before, my older bro showed me a swastika...i had about fifty of those fuckers in a sick ass pattern, (not unlike a quilt). I think my 3rd grade teacher still thinks my family are antisemite nazis. Her daughter wasnt allowed to hang out w my sister any more either..
stropes ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:31:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My brother would do something similar when he was 3 years old; he would smash his Hot Wheels together and go "BITCH BITCH BITCH!" When we finally caught him doing it, it just turned out that that's the noise he imagine smashing cars would make.
Hey, I did that too, but with people. I'd almost forgotten but your story brought back memories of making names like 'Mamby' for my Aunt and "Jiwang" for our milkman ... darn I don't even remember what name I gave to my sister.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:20:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The first time I saw Niger on a map was in middle school. We had to do reports on countries in Africa. I pointed to it and said "N word, I'll do that one". I had never heard either word before. I was screamed at in front of the class by the teacher and I think I cried.
ralyjo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:32:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When i was in grade school, we had to pick random countries out of a hat, then do a report on the chosen one. I picked Nigeria. Anyone wanna guess how I said that?!
I'll never understand parents who instantly punish their kids for something like that. Like, shouldn't they assume the kid is clueless as to the meaning? Explaining why you shouldn't say a "bad word" makes more sense than automatically punishing imo.
I too had a run in with that word, instead of saying nigeria as a 10 year old i decided to say n-eria and my teacher had me call my parents infant of the principle and other staff
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:50:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My son does this a lot. He especially likes making up nonsense songs called things like "Tanker Wanker". Which is a great thing to have him sing in public.
It's ok, I named a made up Pokemon Doucheboyata before I knew the word "douche".
What makes it worse is the fact I went around the hotel on vacation loudly practicing the noise it would make, which of course meant just shouting its name.
When I was 6, my mom and I were in DC driving down a road with fairly crowded sidewalks. There was a hoard of pigeons in the road ahead of us, and I was worried my mom would run them over. I didn't know what to call them, but had heard that birds peck, so I rolled down the window and yelled "GET OUT OF THE ROAD YOU LITTLE PECKERS!". Needless to say my mom was mortified.
Reminds me of something I did when i was 4. My older sister at the time thought itd be funny to let me watch the South Park movie with her friends so I heard all the swearing they unleashed in the movie. Fast forward to a week later I'm at the park where this girl who was known as Crusty Katie and her mom tried to pick a fight with my sister and tried to attack her. So we are on top of the play area with all the slides and fun things like steering wheels to spin so I heard these two yelling at my sister and threatening her. So I feeling justified started calling her a Pig fucker and started singing a glorious ballad to their honor with the song Uncle Fucker. Needless to say my sister is crying from laughter along with her friends who were there to keep me safe. However the mother threatened to shove soap down my god damn throat and slap the shit out of me. At the time however the police showed up a little after i finished the act and arrested her when she threatened me and her daughter too. My parents were horrified and grounded my sister when they found out where i learned the language and explained to me what it meant. Although i didnt start swearing again until senior year of high school but i digress. Moral of the story kids do crazy and hilarious things.
Reminds me of when I was very young, I got a weird little round toy from a fast food restaurant, that looked a bit like a potato with a cape. So I decided I'd give it a made-up Superhero name, -punt was a funny word I thought, so I decided on a rhyme with that, using alliteration with Captain, and loudly declared it in the back seat of the car.
Causing a screech of brakes, and 'what did you just say?'.
I was suspicious that they were having me on since it was such a silly sounding word to be 'one of the worst swear words', and I knew they had jokingly told my brother 'bluebottle' was a bad swearword at one point.
similar story, in year 4 (about 8-9years old) we had to redesign the cover for The Twits in school. I was so proud of my variation, especially the new title, The Twats.
I wish I could have seen my teachers reaction as the adult that I am now.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:14:15 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to love drinking TWAT. It was my go-to drink. Then my older brother said I wasn't old enough for it and to stop calling it that. Who knew you had to be over a certain age to drink Tea with a Twist?
The wordย twatย isย vulgarย slangย for the human vulva,ย but is more widely used as a derogatoryย epithet, especially inย British English, referring to a person considered obnoxious or stupid.
"Dennis didn't pay me back when I got him a McFlurry, the twat."
"David Cameron is a fucking twat."
"Dennis thinks he looks good with his shutter shades, but he actually looks like a twat."
elemexe ยท 324 points ยท Posted at 16:22:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
wow tbt. isn't that the book where they eat bird pie
It's only a half truth. Always being a grumpy bitch can make a hot body unattractive, and an amazing personality can take an OK person a few rungs up the ladder.
I think it's good that he shows the picture: the happy lady isn't a model -- the point isn't that good people are traditionally attractive, but that having a good attitude and smiling will keep people from thinking of you in super negative terms. If there's anyone you think of firstly as spectacularly ugly, they're probably not someone you like. When people look like the second picture, but they're good, you'll be willing to overlook their facial flaws in favor of their personalities.
This would not work for me. I'm legitimately afraid of ugly people. Like, faster pulse, cold sweats, everything afraid of ugly people. It's a little upsetting since some really nice people have the misfortune of being ugly, which makes it so I can't stand to be around them.
edit: It's called Cacophobia. Pairs well with my Trypophobia, I guess.
Okay, but that isn't a very fair example. I get creepy crawly feelings from looking at the inside of an Aero chocolate bar, which is way less rational than maggot back.
Edit: I found a good example. This plant is totally not threatening, but all those holes make me so fucking uncomfortable I feel like I have to wipe my thumb off from touching it on my phone screen. If I touch something like that for real, it feels like things are crawling on me, and since I'm afraid of bugs that crawly feeling is maddening.
Not quite. On a person to person basis sure. When observing people as a whole, there is a pretty measurable trend in what looks good and what doesn't. The entire design field exists because things can worked around trends and rules that can be agreed upon as pleasing or following a certain aesthetic.
I understand, and agree with what you're saying, but it doesn't hold true on a grand scale.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:13:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, its hardly subjective to consider that happier people are more attractive than sad people. Therefore people who are smiling often are considered to be happy and could be objectively considered to be better looking than if they weren't. Your pedantic understanding and interpretation of definitions (which we are all really impressed with) doesn't change that more nuanced fact and use of positive language.
[deleted] ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 20:18:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you always condescending when talking about how words can be used? Silly thing to be condescending about.
Maybe you shouldn't be condescending and contrarian next time then
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:25:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wasn't being condescending at any point, and having an opposing viewpoint is how we advance as people. You're using my opposing idea to justify being a dick, which is really weak.
People who smile are almost always objectively better looking.
That was a really nice positive comment that didn't need any correction, but thank god you came along to let everyone know what's what. Life and language is full of nuance, and logic and literal definitions don't always need to be brutally imposed on other people.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:37:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So instead of addressing the conversation at hand, you'll backtrack with more condescension and exaggeration? Nothing was brutally imposed haha, I'm not a dictator. It's a reddit comment, if you don't like it, downvote it and move on with your life.
You seem like the kind of person that hides behind big words in an attempt to sound educated, while dodging the points you don't want to deal with. I don't even know you, I'm a complete internet stranger, but you've answered condescension with only more condescension, which makes me think talking to you any further is just a waste of time.
But why did you feel the need to originally miscorrect that person? Have I not just done exactly what you have? This is been such a pointless interaction and I'm sorry for wasting both of our times with it. Have a nice day.
Icc0ld ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:37:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair that picture doesn't sell it to anybody
sigh...I mean yeah that's obviously bullshit. But the whole point of children's books is to A) teach them to read and B) teach them to not be dicks. If you can't understand the allegory of what this author wrote, well then maybe you didn't read enough children's books growing up.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
See also: the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:57:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dahl wasn't very literal.
mmlovin ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 20:19:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha omg this is the best lie ever. Imagine if people actually believed these things. The world would be so much nicer
boomb0x ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 01:03:55 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like it should have been called the Tumblrs.
We're talking about an author that regularly featured cannibalism, lewd jokes, and doing terrible things to children- it's unusual overall but not really out of the ordinary for Dahl.
H2C2O4 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:19:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's all fun and games until it's being done to you, and then you're left questioning your perception and competency until you aren't sure what is and isn't real anymore.
There was a great episode of the Drew Carrey show where Lewis and Oswald were doing this to each other as a prank as well. I think they might have been going the other way and replacing their stuff with tinier and tinier stuff so they thought they were turning into a giant.
m_rt_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:53:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
TIL Google and WebMD has ruined a whole genre of practical jokes
This wasn't actually a reference to anything, and I haven't read that book in a long time. But maybe the idea came from there and stayed in the back of my head for ~15 years. :)
And added wooden bits to the end of her cane so that seemed to get higher too. That was a funny old book... In fact another good idea in the book was smearing glue on tree branches. That would confuse someone to suddenly start having a row of birds appear and never leave.
UMPUMN ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:50:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man, taking me down memory lane! I was in a rendition of "The Twits" in high school. I played the Father Monkey.
Thank you so much for reminding me the name of that book! It was one of my favorites when I was a kid, and I've been trying to think of the name for a good while!
This is my favorite so far. It would be totally unnoticeable at first. Then after like 2 months and 4.5" one person would finally lose their shit. "Karen the table is for SURE higher. I'm positive this time".
"Clarke, we've been over this. It's just the placebo effect messing with you. You're becoming obsessed. I want you to get help"
The fighting would continue as the chairs got lower and lower until they all agreed and acknowledged it or there was a divorce.
Edit: changed some wording.
Of course, just because you're going through the process of being miserable and alone doesn't mean your mental health will be spared in any way. Your world will fall apart one centimeter at a time.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:23:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
reminds me of a story I read where a guy filled his wife's ketchup bottle for about six months without admitting it, insisting it was magic ketchup until she believed it
dfn85 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:50:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And then replace the chairs with duplicates of the original height.
Do you mean his earlier stuff? I remember reading one about a rich man who could stare into a candle and subsequently see through cards, and used the ability to win loads of money by gambling, then altruism took hold of him and he donated it all to orphanages or something
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:40 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me of my favorite episode of It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, Charlie Work. Charlie bangs Dees chair repeatedly against the ground and when she sits in it, it collapses.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:18:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Better yet, do the chairs too, so they just start sinking closer to the ground each meal.
Reminds me of a riddle where the shortest man in the world kills himself after the second shortest man keeps shortening his bed's legs, little by little, each night.
The only thing the shortest man had going for him was being the shortest man, and couldn't bear the thought of losing his ranking.
I think the riddle is something like - a man is found dead in his room, with no signs of a murder weapon, and only sawdust under his bed. You then have to answer who was he and how did he die. It was from a game called "Crack the Case".
Disneyland's tiki bar, Trader Sam's, has several randomly placed barstools that slowly sink as you are sitting in them. Most people don't notice until their friends are all sitting above them.
I sawed the bottom 3 inches off of my roommate's chair in college with a leatherman while he was in class. I should have done it bit by bit, as he noticed as soon as he sat in it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:36:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My boyfriend said something similar... Add a piece of balsa wood to one leg in each chair and table so everything wobbles.
I always was partial to adding weight to the underside of a chair. Slowly add a little at a time while the person using the chair becomes accustomed to the weight. Then remove all the weight at once, causing them to send said chair flying every time they stand up from the table.
I did this to someones desk and chair... there were 2 people sharing an adjustable height desk in a call centre. One would get in early and jack it all the way up and the other one would be in later and be annoyed then jack it all the way down when they left.
So over the course of a month i lowered both the desks and the chairs til they were at the lowest setting. I needed a hobby.
My family was visiting a theme park restaurant when I, the smallest of three kids, noticed that the table was slowly but surely rising. Everyone thought I was nuts until 5 mins later their plates were closer to their face as well, and we asked the waiter. He laughed an confirmed-- it's a trick table! It lowered mechanically down to it's starting position and I felt so dang smug.
bijhan ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 19:12:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a gay trans person, this made me laugh HARD. Perfect example that you don't have to be offensive to make a good joke involving oppressed minorities.
Are you aware of /r/transgendercirclejerk? Some posts veer towards the offensive, but most are pretty brilliant without punching down on anyone - it's a great place to blow off some steam about issues that you can't really discuss in more seriously moderated trans spaces.
bijhan ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:26:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Although some do stop taking hormones for an extended period of time to regain fertility. Then there's the fact that we should assume whichever we don't want at the time. Some people lose all fertility quickly, some keep some of it.
Eh not quite. You can usually regain fertility by going off hormones for a few months. And hormones themselves are hardly foolproof as birth control in this case; it's just a side effect. (Thank you for indulging my pedantry).
It's in no way a guarantee, and trans people still have to pay attention to birth control to avoid pregnancy.
It's not likely that someone will be fertile after being on hormones for any length of time, but it's plenty possible - possible enough to justify making a silly joke about, at least!
Source: also trans, so you can't pull that card on me! ;)
hijinga ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:07:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's really more of something doctors say so that you don't get false hope. I've been on HRT for 3 years and there is still a chance that fertility could return if I went off them for an extended period of time. There will be a much lower sperm count than before, but it's still possible. It's just better to be excited and happy that you actually can, than to be disappointed because someone gave you false hope.
And you laugh, because you have achieved your goal.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:50:49 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
While sperm count does decrease on estro and spiro, you are still viable. You still have the potential to reproduce. There are a few documented cases of child born from trans women "fathers," though they do usually subside the HRT for a short time, if they are actively trying.
There are also a few documented cases of trans women breast feeding, and no known issues as a result of.
[deleted] ยท -38 points ยท Posted at 17:36:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you have your own penis and use it for sex, I don't think you qualify as a lesbian.
Aceroth ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 18:12:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Aceroth ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 18:31:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Like, I know reddit tends towards transphobia, but it's a whole nother level of ignorant to straight up deny the existence of trans lesbians
[deleted] ยท -17 points ยท Posted at 19:23:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You'd be wrong. If you're a biological man that likes biological women, you're just a hetereosexual.
On a side note, I think it's ridiculous that you want to use liberal cultural definitions to call someone else "wrong" for not agreeing with them. Those ideas are based in politics/culture, not fact.
And the opinions of the vast majority of highly educated medical professionals - are you saying that those hold no weight either?
hijinga ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:09:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You know what else is based in politics/culture and not fact? The entire English language and the words we use to describe things.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:09:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's not how it works.
[deleted] ยท -21 points ยท Posted at 18:11:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, it is. XY chromosomes and a penis? You're a man. If you identify as a woman, you're just a man who identifies as a woman. If you fuck women with your penis, you're not even identifying as a woman very well.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 18:20:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Who ever said you have to be fully transitioned to be a lesbian? Not everyone can afford bottom surgery, that doesn't change how they identify and present themselves. Being a lesbian isn't just based on sex, it can also be based on gender.
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 19:20:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The definition of homosexual, and thus lesbian, are based on sex. Not gender.
To use an example, imagine you fucked a girl that was dressed up as a guy. Would that be gay sex? Of course not. You put your penis in a vagina, that's hetereosexual sex. It doesn't matter what gender the woman wants to identify as.
If that's what it says, that definition is wrong. I'm a lesbian. I'm attracted to the female gender, it has nothing to do with their sex. If a woman has a penis, I would be just as attracted to her as if she didn't. Body parts have nothing to do with it.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 02:39:29 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You don't get to decide how such things are defined. Some people think they're parents of dogs. They're wrong too.
Then neither do you, or anyone else. I'm as qualified as anyone to say what a word means.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:18:17 on June 28, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Clearly you don't. You don't get to change what's been the meaning because you don't like it. That's what the word has meant for a long time. Your feelings don't change that. My feelings doubt either. That's just what it means, and you're wrong.
HAHAHAHAHA Just because something has been one way for a long time doesn't mean it's right. Slavery was cool for a long time, remember? Things change. I didn't decide that was what it meant, and neither did my "feelings". Gender-specific attraction has been around longer than the English language. Also, another definition of homosexuality: "Homosexuality is romantic attraction, sexual attraction or sexual behavior between members of the same sex or *gender\*."
As a trans woman dating another trans woman I'm pretty sure we'd freak out before remembering that neither of us is capable of getting pregnant, let alone impregnating each otherโฆ
rieh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:50:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It can also be an indicator for major health problems. Testicular cancer in guys.
The terminology seems to function like Spanish plural nouns(and probably other Romance languages, I've only taken a significant amount Spanish though), where mixed groups take the masculine word form (as well as an all male group), but if you have an all female group, it changes to the feminine form and only in that case.
works the worse on guys who have no lives though. I mean had it happened to me in my early 20s, I might have said wtf who brought this into my house, but a total lack of any possibility other than someone messing with me could have existed.
If it showed up positive they probably have prostate cancer (or maybe it was testicular, but that is a thing something about similar levels of hormones)
As a guy with a beard, I can vouch that hair just gets stuck in it no matter what. I've found co-worker's hair trapped in my beard before and don't touch them other than shaking hands, it's absurd.
I have no uterus, just a single ovary. If I found a positive pregnancy test I wouls be joking with my husband about the fact we were going to have to raise his mistress' baby as our own.
My friend and I have yet to implement a scheme similar to this. We intend to plant carrots in a friends garden and return regularly in the night to water them.
I can only imagine his confusion in 3 months when he has a row of carrots growing in his garden.
My partners step-father is named Clint and at Christmas time someone had written "CLINT" in capitals on all his presents and it looked exactly like CUNT.
My neighbor randomly created a garden in my front yard one day when I was at work. He didn't tell me or leave a note, so I was totally confused. I thought someone had hired contractors to do that and they got the wrong yard. It was a couple months before I ran into him again and he told me it had been him.
He planted pansies at first, but then removed them all and planted tomatoes. But the tomatoes got killed by hail so now there are marigolds out there. He always does this work when I'm at the office, so just come home to see what the garden fairy has done today.
Our elderly neighbours once did something similar. They were feeding our cats every day while we were on holiday and we came home to find that the husband had pressure-washed the drive, mown the lawn, turned the soil in the borders and planted flowers there. It was so sweet that we overlooked the fact that he'd also put his spade right through the tv cable that was running underground.
[deleted] ยท 347 points ยท Posted at 22:27:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bet he was digging for treasure accidentally hit the cable and had to do all that work to cover it up.
[deleted] ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 00:23:45 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
jarfil ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:41:15 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We also live beneath a small demon. We've spoken to the parents before and met the kid- seriously the most active rambunctious kid I have ever met in my life. There's nothing the parents can do to get him to sit still aside from strapping him down or beating him (neither of which are really options lol)
So since he rules the roost here we affectionately refer to him as TD, or the Tiny Dictator.
I'm so jealous. I can't get shit to grow. I recently moved to a new house that has window boxes, I was so excited I went out and bought new flowers for them before I had even unpacked all my boxes. They all died. I cant get anything else to live either. I have the black thumb of death. I would love for your plant fairy to come to my house!
I'm struggling so hard to keep the garden around my house (that was there when I bought it) to live. It's a lot of work.
The little garden my neighbor built is easy. I just water it every other day or so and those flowers are happy. The ones I planted are far less hardy, apparently. They wilt if I'm a few hours late to water them.
You should do something nice for him as thanks. Bring him fruit baskets or something. Start a niceness competition, friendly of course. Make a new friend! He'd probably love to come over for dinner sometime or something.
Do it! do cards after dinner, get nice wine, and talk to him! Act like you're excited and happy to do something and you become happy and excited to do something.
Yeah that's me. No update really, I've been insanely busy (work, then teaching swim lessons after work) so I don't get home until 8:30 most nights and leave at 6:30 am. I saw him briefly when I was leaving after checking in on the new roof installation, but no contact otherwise.
When things calm down I'll try and check up on him. The flowers he planted have flourished. The ones I planted in my original gardens are hanging on by a leaf to life. So props to him for knowing the correct flowers to plant for survival in Texas heat.
x0mi07 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:57:26 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for the update. I hope you and your neighbor get on alright. :)
This is a really sweet story, and it's probably just someone being friendly, but it wouldn't hurt to check your local adverse possession laws. In some places, land that someone takes care of belongs to them after a certain number of years, but the details vary a lot.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:39:27 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is much nicer than what my neighbor does. He cuts his own grass at minimum twice a week. Sometimes more. He's very obsessed with his yard. When I moved in he tried to convince me to pay to have new sod and grass placed on the existing yard. I was like, nah, it's already got some chill looking grass so I'm gonna leave it be. He also filed a complaint with the HOA about my shrubs "being out of control" the same day I closed on the house.
He filed a complaint about the height of my grass once (within a week of me living there) but the HOA sent me a letter about it and said they actually sent someone over to look at it and found it to be more than adequately trimmed.
Anyway, if I don't cut my grass once a week he gets on his zero-turn mower and cuts my grass for me. He's never talked to me about it. I started counting the days to get to that number. It's like clockwork. I can only assume he sees me cut the grass and checks his calendar to make a note of it. It's very bizarre and more than a little passive aggressive. He'll do it whether I'm out of the house or not.
He's only 32 years old. He has a wife and two children and he spends most of his time landscaping his (tiny) yard.
Your neighbour didnt do this. You watched the joe rogan podcast with david choe where he discusses doing this. You have to lie to sound cool to strangers. What a shame.
I can assure you- my neighbor did this. I have a small, circular garden in my front yard that I did not put there. And the only podcast I listen to is Nerdist or Serial.
He's an old man who enjoys gardening and I guess wanted to do something nice for me. I don't know why he doesn't garden in his own yard, but he did a great job in mine.
Cut them in half, drizzle them with a little olive oil, salt and pepper, then roast for 10-12 mins at 400f.
Atario ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 16:05:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the bite was the whole point of radishes
fuzzby ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:53:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I eat horseradish my eyes tear up because of the stinging pain. But these are happy tears, and the pain makes me feel alive. I really like horseradish.
Interestingly enough, that's pretty common. It's one of the reasons I love them so much.
"The raw flesh has a crisp texture and a pungent, peppery flavor, caused by glucosinolates and the enzyme myrosinase, which combine when chewed to form allyl isothiocyanates, also present in mustard, horseradish, and wasabi." - From Wikipedia
People have never been able to convince me that shitty vegetables aren't shitty.
Them: "Brussel sprouts are the best! You just have to cook them a bit longer, and throw peanut sauce over it!"
Me: "Who are you? What are you doing in my home?"
Xendrus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:36:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Oh you just haven't had them cooked the way I make them" No motherfucker you sautรฉing them with butter, as groundbreaking as that may be, will not change the fact that this tastes like boot.
yes, so much better than what you get at the store
Terrh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:35:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
last year I tried growing radishes and the roots never turned into bulbs but the tops grew up super high. And the radishes that finally developed had the texture of a 2x4.
Good radishes are excellent. Sadly the grocery store ones taste like sand. Went to Oktoberfest in Munich years ago. They put out radishes to go with the beer. Best damn radishes I've ever had.
You should try baby radishes dipped in butter with sea salt and cracked black pepper. It's kind of a fad items on restaurant menus nowadays. It's pretty good. Changed my opinion of radishes completely.
inyuez ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:38:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, you want to plant a bunch of plants that will all flower in about the same amount of time. Plant it so they bloom in the shape of a giant eye watching the bedroom window.
Tell that to the carrots growing in the garden that are getting watered once every few days. In fact, I have had carrots grow up the next year after a harvest ... without even planting more seeds.
To be fair, I live in the PNW so there is more rain here than many places.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:10:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rapid growing? Plany a tiny bit of bamboo while someone is on vacation, the kind that grows some 12 inches a day, they come home to a single patch of 6 foot tall bamboo
How do home grown radishes taste compared to store? Sweeter, hotter?
pakrat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:10 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Depends. The one harvested early taste like crunchy, watery, and earthy. Almost like an apple that doesn't taste sweet or sour. The radishes blend really well with other flavors when cooked. The ones that were about to bolt (which is what gives radishes their bite) taste like licking a battery.....
Catnip would be pretty easy to grow, honestly. It's a variety of mint, which is almost explosive in how it grows. Keep in mind that you'll literally never get rid of it once you plant it, though. The roots grow too deep and widespread to ever remove them completely, and they'll just keep coming back up. Anyways, you could totally just plant some yourself. One plant would grow up to be pretty big.
Right!? This is good fun without making the homeowner freak out that someone has been in their house. Even if no damage has been done, it's creepy to know someone was going through your stuff. I'd plant sunflowers.
This is called Guerilla Gardening when done in public spaces. Some people plant flowers. Others plant weed in front of the police station.
BWANT ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:25:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
We intend to plant carrots
Carrot seeds need a constant supply of water in order to germinate. They won't sprout being watered only once per day. Like the other person said, radishes will be a lot easier.
Grow just about anything other than carrots. Carrots are really fickle and sometimes difficult to grow, and there isn't much sign they're even there when they've grown.
Some plants don't grow well together or shouldn't even be near each other.
I don't really garden but my uncle will not allow people to even smoke near his garden and if they're smokers they need to wash their hands before they help him. Tobacco can destroy tomato and pepper plants.
Planting in other people's gardens could be a lot more harmful than you think.
That's a bit less harmless though considering bamboo is really difficult to get rid of
cd450 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:33:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Solid point it's a little too far
mike413 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:35:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But carrots aren't that obvious. I propose you grow corn or triffids instead.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:47:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The evil version of this is to fertilize the crap out of your neighbour's lawn. Bring out a chair, put some meat on your bbq, pop a beer and enjoy watching your neighbour desperately trying to keep his lawn in check. All summer.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:47:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Doesnt a burglary scheme require entering the house? What you are doing the postman could do.
Now planting carrots in the house in the houseplant pots....
If you want to cause mayhem, plant potatos. They spread like absolutely no tomorrow and will take over the entire flower bed if left untreated. My grandparents left a stale potato in the ground during the spring. By the time a year went by the entire flowerbed was taken over. We had to spend the entire day pulling out the weeds from the garden
My mom's sisters did this to her when my parents moved out to their farm. They came and planted rows and rows of zucchini and would water and tend to them when they came to visit. Of course eventually my poor mom is overcome with zucchinis in her garden. She got her revenge though. Her sisters all received big fat loaves of beautiful looking bread, with a whole zucchini baked inside. One good thing - my mom perfected her chocolate zucchini cake. It's divine.
uymai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Found a parsnip growing in the middle of my lawn... Was pulling weeds and then all of the sudden....
Your prank will achieve its goal
Grow some weed instead lol one time me and my buddies were thinking of planting weed seeds all over the city so they would sprout in random places. We never got around to doing it but it's on my bucket list.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:44:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My grandpa goes off and works during the week, since I'm the only one at the house during the morning, I could do this to fuck with him.
Thank you for the beautiful idea. My friends are big fans of growing their own stuff so they'll be pleasantly surprised, with the emphasis on surprised.
When I was a kid a package of free carrot seeds came in the mail for some promotion thing. I opened the package and threw them into my mom's flower garden. Her face when she started pulling up little baby mystery carrots a few weeks later.
You're gonna need to do a lot more then just water them. There's weeding and culling so they don't grow too close together and choke each other out. Carrots are a butt to raise.
I had a lawn care company and we got a new customer. They were a nice military professional black couple who were working their way up the ranks.
I get a phone call one day stating that we continuously miss an area of her yard. I call my crew leader to ask what happened and he said "I don't think that's true... The only thing we don't touch is the patch of yard with the watermelons". So I call her back and tell her what he told me. She responds "we don't have watermelons ".
Now I'm confused and conflicted. I know my foreman knows his stuff but I don't want to try and overly stress to this black couple that they do have watermelons. So I tell her I'll come out myself and address the missed patch of grass.
Info out there with my business partner with our lawn gear and start weed eating the area ... Only to find watermelons. I felt at that point the best option was to finish weed eating and cleaning up and getting out of there.
I put potatoes I bought at the store in my dads garden a day before he decided to harvest most of the garden. Hilarity ensued when he picked the first potatoe
For extra shock and reward, use Mammoth Sunflowers. A pack of seeds is like $2 at home depot, walmart, grocery chains, etc. They pop out of the ground in a week and grow a few inches a day, topping out at 10'-12' with a 2' flower.
Heres one that you can do really easily. Go throw a bunch of Indian corn kernels in their yard. That stuff will grow quite fast and you Dont have to maintain it much.
Source: did that at my house as a kid and mom got thoroughly pissed
Make a meal ready in their kitchen. Clean up the house ( not near where they are sleeping off course). Feed the animals. And leave a note with "I love you" on the plate where you cook the food.
DuffBude ยท 3331 points ยท Posted at 12:29:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You can steal some stuff too if you want.
Haha kidding, I don't really have anything, but that's better cause you don't have to put in much effort when cleaning the house. See, I even made it easier for you.
Mr420- ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 14:39:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A friend of ours cooked dinner for the entire family, only to call them and ask where they were. She was told that they had moved 6 months ago and was in their old house. She promptly left leaving the home cooked meal out and the washing done for the new residents when they got home.
She was diagnosed with dementia a few months later.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:40:13 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Damn it bill, learn to flush.
I did flush
Well i didnt leave this
Niether did i. Look it has corn in it... I dont even like corn!
Well look at the size. We both know from how much i complain about anal that that massive thing didnt come from me
jrm2003 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:45:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is similar to the prank the Juniors pulled on my Senior class in high school. It was traditional that on Senior Skip Day the Juniors would set up some kind of prank, but instead they cleaned our Senior Lounge area, and left us hot breakfast, coffee and juice.
We were so baffled...and mostly afraid to eat the food.
To know how mind blowing this was, you've got to understand that traditionally these pranks were heinous. Most of us didn't even drive to school that day because in the past classes have dumped sewage on senior cars, and ghosted them when they got out.
A friend actually did this for me when I was out of town. Scrubbed top to bottom, mopped, vacuumed, did the last of the laundry I wasn't able to get to, and left me OJ, a new gallon of milk, a can of cinnamon rolls, and a pack of bacon for the morning after I got home so we could eat before having to run all of the "I've been out of town" errands. Best friend ever.
Mrbick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mom?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:28:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Years ago I read an article about a Chinese lady whose house was regularly burgled but all they did was do laundry and general housework.
Turns out it was her next door neighbour who had a major crush on her but was too shy to ask her out.
What you should do is do this every Monday or something for several months and then just stop. But several years later, do it once more and then ever again...
(1) Learn how to forge handwriting to a pretty good degree
(2) Find something the owners wrote down to get an example
(3) Leave notes "To Self" around the house and office like "Don't forget tuesday coffee", "Pick up assorted veggies and two coconuts", "Remember: 7793"
(4) Laugh at the idea of them picking up the notes, thinking they wrote them, and what the hell 7793 is
[deleted] ยท 2169 points ยท Posted at 15:39:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And then convince them on a reddit forum it's carbon monoxide leaking into their house.
It's something very low as our alarms went off at 50ppm 0.005% and had second alarm at 200ppm ( I used to work at a place that used large amounts of CO)
[deleted] ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 18:37:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I got the broken arms but Imma need someone to educate me about the other two.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:58:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Congrats.
vatrat ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:37:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you can get into their wifi, you can view what they search and replace text on the pages they view.
You could also just redirect everything to Rick Astley's hit "Never Gonna Give You Up", or replace all of their pictures with red text on a background "HELP ME".
vatrat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:19:13 on June 28, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think it'd be fun to make pages slowly become Rick Astley. Have elements slowly fade away while the song builds in volume, but only after they've been reading a page for like 5 minutes.
nchr86 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 17:03:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
From an Indy game called "Dead Man's Journey". If you watch Markiplier at all he uploaded a video of it yesterday (where I know of it from, but I imagine other youtuber's/streamers probably played it as well).
One place I worked we had conference rooms that had signs to clean the white boards after every meeting. Nothing was supposed to be left on the boards. But people would ignore them and leave stuff on there and come back later to copy it down / continue working on it.
Since I work in engineering, often it is mathematical formulas. So I would arrive first to the meetings, see the formulas on the board, and adjust them so that they were wrong. Change a minus sign to a plus. Erase a number from the equation. Change a number. Little things that could have been easily missed but weren't obviously wrong.
Roert42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of how my buddy said he goes into someones calander and will circle a random date to fuck with people. Im convinced he did it to the calander in my living room, but i have no proof.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How did you figure out my PIN??
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
(1)
Turn the source material upside down and 'draw' it instead of copying the writing.
Thuryn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the batteries out of their carbonmonoxide alarm and sabotage their heater, watch Reddit and when they post collect some gold solving 'their' life threatening issue
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:30:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've actually done this to myself: I used to write down phone numbers or other short bits of information without sufficient context. Later I'd find a piece of paper on the floor with a number and no recollection of having written it.
Ya know, I don't think you'd even have to bother matching their handwriting. Just finding post-it notes with block lettering telling me to do shit would be weird enough!!!!
Better yet write a note reminding them to call a neighbor's number, and that it's important. Then write a note at that neighbor's house reminding them that there will be an important call at that time, that way they're both expecting an important call but have no idea what it is for
I write notes in my SOs phone. Last time I wrote "ideas for a novel" and basically wrote the plot of the lord of the rings and a couple of other obviously stolen ideas.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:49:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I once dropped a entire pan full of stuffed peppers in tomato sauce. It landed flat on the floor and I thought "Yay, saved!" for the half-millisecond it took the sauce to react to the impact. The sauce exploded out of that pan and covered me and my kitchen. Everything from three feet down was red. It splashed high enough to hit the ceiling light. I was still finding spots of dried tomato sauce in unlikely places ten months later.
Peppers really get a flavour boost if you startle them a bit before cooking, to release some of their natural adrenaline. I usually just jump out at them wearing a clown mask but a sudden free-fall drop onto the floor is next-level seasoning. Good job.
Just walk in with a peeler and start flaying the skin off of one of them. The others will sweat bullets. Enough so to completely juice them in under 30 seconds. Afterwards just throw the partially skinned one in the trash. It's flavor gets ruined by the massive production of white photosynthesis cells that are released in reaction to the damage caused by you peeling off its skin.
It's a wasteful tactic but for those of us that have things to do, time is more valuable than a lost pepper.
zellwwf ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:12:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't be silly.. Don't drop things. Wear a mask and be safe and clean.
In fact... almost all vegetables can be startled into releasing natural adrenaline. Except celery. You can't startle a fuck out of celery.
Lol no I had never heard of that show until my inbox exploded. Just watched a couple episodes and am now throwing onions at my kitchen wall trying to get that perfect dice. Must take practice?
Take your comedic skills and use your front facing camera and start a similar channel. Then come back here, reply to this comment with a link to your YouTube channel.
That could work, will try. I usually just pay off their boss to shave one eyebrow off and refuse to acknowledge the change in appearance. Then instruct Starbucks baristas to write "Kirk" on their cups regardless of what name they give. Gives the peppers a real startle when I slip in masculine just hours before blanching. Brings out some crazy good flavors.
xckta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:20:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
madnus ยท -9 points ยท Posted at 16:26:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
... you do realise most vegetable dont have brains/andrenaline etc they are alive but they wouldnt react to a scare they dont even have senses
Edit- google it before you downvote and hate, its pretty common knowledge amoungst non neck-beards and cry babies that vegetables cant do these things, nor any plant or fruit for this matter.
[deleted] ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 16:27:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My brother and I were shaking coke cans in each other's faces threatening to let the other have it. I dropped my can after shaking it for over 5 minutes and it took this weird cone shape with bumps all over it. I picked it up as he silently looked on and tapped the part where you pull the lid. I don't know what compelled me to do this but the entire kitchen was covered in caramel goo. It wasn't even coke anymore. Iirc the can was in over 10 pieces on the ground. Greatest "clean before mom gets home" mission ever.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:21:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There was a time when my MIL was ill and my wife was visiting her every weekend. So I was on my own recognizance for two days each week. Somehow I would always manage to make the hugest mess ever.
One time I put a microwave pizza in the microwave for three min. But instead of typing 3:00 I typed 30:00. Didn't notice until smoke was pouring out of the kitchen. From that day forward the microwave was this yellow-grey color, like that of a smoker's lungs.
When I was a kid, I was drinking a bottle of yoo-hoo (hooray, the 90's!) When I grabbed it from the top and the cap slid off. The bottle hit flat bottom on the floor and immediately ejected a cylinder of volcanic chocolate drink directly into the sky. It kissed my ceiling, leaving a small, butthole shaped brown stain on said ceiling.
It was still there when I moved out of my parents house 8 years later.
Back in the 40s my great grandma was making preserves and had some red cabbage in a pressure cooker. The cooker exploded. There are still stains on the natural wood cabinets in the kitchen that somehow seep through the 2 or 3 layers of paint and primer.
I just realized this has nothing to do with with you are saying, but thats too much typing to backspace. So... TYL!
The same thing happened to my mom when she was making a sauce involving miso paste, only instead of dropping the pot, it separated from the handle while she was carrying it. It went everywhere.
Miso paste is sticky as hell so we had our work cut out for us. The floor, the cabinets, etc., all covered. There were even a few spots on the ceiling. My poor dog needed a emergency bath too, because she always followed by mom around while she cooked. She was soaked in miso.
I was homebrewing kombucha awhile back when one exploded on me. It went everywhere. Two sets of blinds, the ceiling, inside the recessed lighting, door frames, picture frames, the fridge, and as much as I tried to clean it all I was still finding spots of it months later.
Ugh same thing happened in my house once with a full bottle of my Georgian roommate's tqemali โ a homemade sauce made of fermented sour plums. I was standing right next to him in the kitchen as he struggled to open it, then (thankfully) I moved into the living room to grab my phone. Two seconds later there's a huge BANG and my housemate and the entire kitchen are completely covered in sauce. We were cleaning it up for weeks!
It was the basic stuffed peppers recipe, only I add basil and garlic to the filling and pour extra spaghetti or pizza sauce over them and sprinkle some extra mozzarella so it's cheesier.
My nephew once put in a slice of left over pizza in the microwave. The microwave was ruined and the smell of burning was throughout the house. When my sister asked him what he did, he replied, "I only put it in for 10 minutes!"
I've seen a pot of chili do that. We wallpapered the ceiling. Most of it fell right back into the pot.
Geawiel ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:48:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I somehow did that with a big container of Gatorade. It was one of those 64 oz ones and there was only about 1/2" of some left in it. I was watching him play on his computer. I dropped it from a height of about 3 ft and it hit flat on the bottom. It exploded all over my friend's dorm room like a volcano. He was finding Gatorade on his stuff for years after that.
A can of Chef Boyardee ravioli once popped when I opened the lid and sprayed me and the kitchen in a similar fashion. I flinch every time I open one of those cans now.
eltoro ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:27:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I once dropped a can of cherry 7-up at night with the lights off. It hit just right to open a small hole, and start spinning around the floor while spraying red soda everywhere. Continued to find spray marks years later.
" snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at a store, oftentimes, I will drop it, So that it achieves its maximum flavor potential. " -MH-
I had a roommate once who put one of those large glass containers of Valentina hot sauce on top of our fridge but placed it half on the freezer door and not far enough back. I opened the freezer door and the glass bottle hit the floor with an explosion of hot sauce. It soaked the entire floor and wall and even on the ceiling. Our place smelled like a Mexican restaurant for weeks.
my wife had that exact same experience this weekend, except it was with a smoothie.
the roughest part is, i have to break out the tall ladder to be able to clean the ceiling off.
LoBo247 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:07:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is an example of cavitation, right?
Torvaun ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:24:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, because at no point do you create a void. This is an example of hydrostatic shock. Water is incompressible, so shock waves travel through it unimpeded. All of the energy from hitting the floor was transmitted through the sauce to the top, where it blasted sauce all over the place.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:22:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No...
morjul ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Similar experience except it was a smoothie and not red sauce. And I was in the shower not the kitchen.
dorekk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:29:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When my brother was 10 or 11, he stuck his hand in a blender to get a piece of ice unstuck. His hand got pretty cut up and being the child he was, he shook his hand off, smoothie and blood all over the kitchen. My mom found his dried blood for months.
When i was eight, my father lifted me up to look out of our kitchen window over the counter. He lifted me too high, and my head smashed the florescent tube above.
We found sugar-sized pieces of glass:
In the microwave (closed)
In the cat food
Under the door
In the next room
In the sugar pot (sealed)
In the bread bin
In the cat's fur
and โข on top of the cupboards.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:55:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I actually appreciated that they gave the protagonist a valid reason to go on a murderous rampage in a mindless action flick. It really made me want to cheer for him and for all those evil fuckers to die slowly and painfully.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:54:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:58:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
That same exact comment is under almost every one of the top comments, I don't understand how people find that funny after the hundreds of times it's posted in every post like this.
I mean, le wew there le satan! xD I love le redit
slnz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:28:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Satan's greatest trick was to make us spend 5 minutes with a rag to clean our microwaves.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:34:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
whenever people are like "I just laughed so hard you made me spit soda everywhere" I'm always just like "yea right" bc Ive never done that before in my life
however I was just eating cheetos and actually spit half chewed cheetoh matter all over my keyboard from laughing so thanks
Easy fix. Go buy an identical microwave at Walmart, then swap out your messy one and get a large, indignant, black woman to take it back for a refund and make a big scene about how it was like that when she got it replete with a loud embarrassing story of how it ruined her baby-daddy's special day (first time they did anal or something) because it kept her from being able to make him a good home-cooked meal. Just swap it out for a new one.
Nah, racism would be assuming that only one particular race is capable of behaving that way, or thinking "that's just how they all act."
Rather, I'm recommending a co-conspirator of a particular size, sex, and color for the extra intimidation factor in a customer service setting. Now that you mention it, though, she could loudly claim the store is being racist in order to expedite the exchange.
No, racism can also come in the form of stereotyping, which is what you were doing when you said that the black woman has a "baby-daddy" who she was excited to do anal with on her special day. That's pretty stereotype-heavy, and it's pretty racist.
It's like saying "I need to find a Jew to help me cut costs." Sure, you're not saying that only Jews are stingy, but you are still using stereotypes.
And while I don't really think this next part is really racist, you're not helping your case when you say that black people are more intimidating.
I guess my context wasn't clear and did become unintentionally racist.
Mostly I was trying to describe a customer-service worker's worst nightmare (which often ends in the customer's demands being met just to get them to leave). The descriptors I used weren't even all that relevant - they're just how I saw it playing it out in my head so that's how I wrote it.
Also, I don't know why people keep thinking I said black people are more intimidating. I said large, black, indignant women are more intimidating. Again, the race isn't important. Black is just an adjective, not an insult.
How dare you ignore my sexist and size-ist remarks by focusing on the race! Next you'll be telling me that perpetually indignant people don't have rights, either!
When I was in college, somebody did this in our communal kitchen microwave... except with a paper plate of shit. We lost our kitchen privileges for the rest of the year.
I drink a lot of obnoxiously green, protien-ey smoothies, ie. perfect conditions for fermentation. I had forgotten one in my bag from the day before, in a warm house, without thinking I enthusiastically unscrewed the lid, releasing the surprisingly large amount of pressure and frothy green sludge. As you may have deduced by now, this resulted in my mother, my friend, my kitchen and I all getting a very healthy, very fragrant, greening. This was nearly a year ago, I moved the toaster oven the other day and found a couple green flecks on the kitchen wall...
Actually a few years ago on a school trip, we were staying the night in 2 hotels, 1 for girls and 1 for boys. Apparently, in the girls hotel one person did that on accident. From what I've heard, the entire floor-if not the entire hotel- had to evacuate. Must have been a rough night.
DSPR ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:42:39 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That should be a standard button on all microwaves: "FULL BLAST"
90 seconds. Not enough to wake anyone immediately, but gives you time to get out. Then the thing just does that beep continuously every few minutes to remind you something is in the microwave. Hopefully it's a married couple and they get into a passive aggressive argument because they both think the other did it and forgot/is lying, but it's not a big enough deal to get really angry, just the principle of it. Then, like 6 months later, they're fighting about something completely different and legit and one of them says "and the worst part, the worst part, is that you lied about that fucking sauce. What kind of a person microwaves sauce at 3am and then lies about it? You weren't even making pasta!"
I once desperately craved popcorn as a kid, so i once placed a corn husk on the microwave for 10 minutes. Forgot it. Came back with 2 very pissed parents
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:52:38 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place fine threads across doorways and hallways, right at face height, to fake the feeling of walking through a spiderweb (leave a message and I'll call you back)
Motivating is nothing compared to belittling your employees, forcing them all to work minimum wage, and replacing all the seasoned employees, who know what they're doing, with kids fresh out of high school!
That's only if your business is competing in a bottom end low skill sector where reputation doesn't matter and the only way to undercut competitors is to pay as little as possible for as much work as possible.
Those businesses usually have the lowest profit margins and pretty crappy management which, facing its own incompetence, would rather take the easy road of cutting wages rather than actually trying to increase their profits sustainably.
Make sure the spiders can communicate with the cats so they know the best place to put them!
chaun2 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 15:30:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
FUCK THAT. FUCK YOU. NO. CATS AND SPIDERS CANNOT UNITE. HUMANITY IS FUCKED
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:04:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If cats attempted world domination, all we'd have to do is feed them fancy feast then wait until they pass out in the sun! Nice try, Mr. Mittens, but you're going back in your carrier!
plus then you can write it off as an insurance loss. "oh, weird, yeah I dunno, I just came home and it was on fire." (casually slides flamethrower away with toe...)
chaun2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:36:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've been buying these organic grapes where they use spiders instead of pesticides. Spiders can be pretty awesome. Filling their house with spiders would just make the place more organic and natural.
Spiders kill other spiders. When spiders come into contact with one another, a gladiator-like competition frequently unfolds โ and the winner eats the loser. If your basement hosts common long-legged cellar spiders, this is why the population occasionally shifts from numerous smaller spiders to fewer, larger spiders [Source]
It's an old song that was re-popularized by guitar hero. The chorus goes something like "sorry I'm not home right now,I'm walking on the spider webs, but leave a message and I'll call you back. Its all your fault i screen my phone calls. No mater who calls, i screen my phone calls."
"sorry I'm not home right now,I'm walking INTO spider webs, but leave a message and I'll call you back. Its all your fault i screen my phone calls. No mater who calls, i screen my phone calls."
Obscure metaphysical explanation to cover a phenomenon, reasons dredged out of the shadows to explain away that which cannot be explained. Call it parallel planes or just insanity. Whatever it is, you find it in the Twilight Zone.
if you mom is a spider, your dad is a spider, and you are an eight-legged arthropod, there's a point at which you have to come to terms with the fact that you are a spider.
I love the idea of how you'd do that with the clear intent that your wife is the spider, and that a spider didn't just show up into your room. Even if it was a giant spider, it needs a bathrobe and curlers on at least.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:23:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Directed by M. Night Shyamalan.
yf-23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:57:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This happens almost every morning I leave my house. Fucking annoying.
Egosim ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:16:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I never understood this. Whenever I walk outside I always run into spider webs especially in my drive way. There's no walls other than my house or trees.
CFJ561 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:28:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well now that song will be stuck in my head all day . You win!
We used to do this with copper wire from breaking open a handset on pay phone back in the day. String it up at chest height and watch drunks get clotheslined lol
I pictured this much darker when I started reading it. Like on The Haunting when the piano string tightens and slaps the lady in the face. I pictured the thread slicing their face and thinking that's an awfully morbid way to annoy or confuse someone.
I did that as a prank to a roommate, I used a small transparent tape, at should height, so he would be aware that something is wrong. His girlfriend was there, which I didn't know, she ended up being the victim and she had the tape in her face. Was still funny.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:03:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ugh I walked into a spider web 2 nights ago while walking to my car... Turned my phone light on and found the damn thing dangling between my legs and slammed myself right in the dick.
Fucking spiders.
kpacny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:17:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What the Hell does "leave a message and I'll call you back" has to do with the rest of the sentence.
Yeah, thats really cool! I ended up checking out some really old newspapers on Google. There was one, The Times, from 1801, that was really cool. There was a bunch of stuff about ships landing and when they're leaving, and prices for stuff on the ships. And there was an ad for a $20 reward for a "likely negro-fellow named SAM about 5 feet 8 or 9 inches high, stout and well made, understands a little of the bricklaying business".
There's also a want ad "Wanted to Purchase, a Negro girl, about 14 or 15 years of age, capable of attending about house. Enquire at the Office of the Times."
It's so interesting to see how much things have changed since then.
"The licensed practical nurse who refilled the sugar container for the formula room last Tuesday, Mrs. Lillie Colvin, 29, was suspended by the hospital and questioned by District Attorney Stephen Smyk. No charge was placed against her.
She had been with the hospital as a practical nurse for about three months."
She never faced charges (the hospital called her a model employee and she was pregnant at the time), and she always maintained she had filled from the correct container. The hospital settled with the families, for $7,000 for each death. See links via this normally clickbaity Listverse unintentional mass killer list. She was still apparently alive and living in Binghamton as of 2012, which is surprising because I'd have expected her to leave town. I don't know if she was removed from employment with the hospital--I didn't see anything either way.
The article states that this was the second investigation about salt in two years and in 1959 a women died from a radiation overdose due to an incompetent radiologist (those are the things mentioned in this article, I'm pretty sure there are more cases though)
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:31:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
sorry, I only speed-read the start of the article.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:03:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, it just says second investigation. The radiation one is the second investigation they are talking about.
I didn't realize this at first. So it would last a bit longer than I thought, but unless it makes close to 300 cups of coffee, for that price I can choose whatever brand I want.
haggy87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:04:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You clearly never had salt in your coffee then. As soon as the first drop is in your mouth you can't resist to spit it out no matter what. That taste is so unbearably disgusting
My university cafeteria filled up the sugar with salt by accident. We all got a bunch of free stuff because we were so disgusted
So fat. I mean, 6'4 male weight maybe 165, most people say I need to eat more.
Meh, I'm happy, feeling great, and don't watch what I eat though. So yeah, if you saw how much I eat, you would probably say fatty, until you see me, then it's just "WTF."
So unhealthy because I put sugar in my coffee, right?
I'm infering that you believe I make terrible life decisions from the fact that you believe I like my coffee pretty sweet from the presumption of diabeetus.
Go eat a dick, it's probably right up your nutrition alley.
This is just me deciding to give you the same type of treatment you gave me.
Is that clear for ya?
ztsmart ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:17:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Clearly you are bitter from being overweight so you took xtra-offense to my comment. Maybe you should take all that anger energy out at the gym to burn off excessive amount of sugar you poison your coffee with? or you can just sit around and get fatter while posting on Reddit
Or maybe because I get told I need to eat more all the time and it's annoying. Judging anyone for anything is stupid, whether I'm fat or not, but am 6'4 and 165lb male, way on the skinny side bro.
I bet you're fat, lol, is that why you focus on it online?
Yeah, it's a stupid argument. I don't want to have it. You're obviously an idiot.
ztsmart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:04:41 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
U wot m8? I swear on me mum I will REK u
SGSXR11 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:58:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
You can take this much further. Replace the powdered sugar with flour, the potato flakes with soap flakes, replace the paprika with ground ghost peppers, etc.
I had a salt container which did not have the shape of a regular salt container. Rather, it looked like a sugar dispensers from a bar. When my friend came to visit, he didn't like his coffee at all.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:29:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I kinda did that to my grandparents once, they stored both salt and sugar in identical clear containers (no labels, just positioning) and I accidentally switched them
Well once they use one then they would realize that somehow they got switched, they might assume they did on accident.
What would be really good to fuck with them, mix them together in both containers. That way when they pour it on something, they are like "this salty coffee is horrible, but there's some semblance of the sugar in there."
It's so horrible when this gets messed up. Some good friends of mine are strict when it comes for keeping Kosher for Passover; different plates, different Silverware, and specific salt and sugar containers which happened to look a lot alike. So when their daughter made Mandel bread (basically Jewish biscotti) I was the first to find out that the salt and sugar got switched.
One time my wife and I were at a friends house and she went into the kitchen to make lemonade. She made it with salt by mistake. I'll never forget the look on his face when he took a big drink.
I keep my sugar and salt each in clear half gallon Mason jars in the same place. They look identical, except imo salt and sugar look completely different.
jasonml ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:40:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Once I was in Switzerland and bought some Currywurst with fries for like 15 CHF, and then I found the fries to be pretty bland, and vigorously poured salt onto it (a LOT)
Used to go to an authentic Mexican restaurant. A couple of times I would be salting my carnitas but it kept getting sweeter. Evidently the Salt and Sugar bags looked mostly the same and the staff couldn't read English so kept screwing up and filling the salt shakers with sugar.
For a couple months in the early 70s my parents hired a maid to clean once a week. She filled our sugar bowl with salt. She did a few other weird things and we no longer had a maid.
I will kill you. My sole remaining morning pleasure since I'm working days again is my coffee. I've started making it myself since the Indian guy at my DD at 4:15am wanks in the donuts (long story how I know). If you put salt in my coffee I would die.
We had just moved into a new place, and my stepmother found a bag of sugar and poured it into the sugar canister that was kept out on the counter. I come downstairs later for a morning cup of coffee, put my four heaping scoops of sugar in, stir and then proceed to take a big 'ol drink, only to be met with the saltiest of salty things one could ever taste. Turns out that bag of sugar was really full of salt. Imagine just taking a spoon full of salt in your mouth and then chasing that with a swig of hot water, all that salt dissolving into every nook and cranny of my mouth mouth and coating it with salt. I was tasting salt all day, no matter what I ate or drank, even brushing, mouthwash and gargling didn't get rid of it all.
My ex's cousin did this once by accident and it was hilarious. My ex's family had a bunch of salt shakers left over from a party so they told her cousin to empty the salt back into the original container. For some reason my ex's cousin thought the salt was sugar so he poured it back into the sugar jar. Well the next day I'm invited over for breakfast and everyone is enjoying there food when the grandma decides to take a sip of her coffee, which she just happened to load up with the "sugar". Next thing I know, this tiny woman whom I had never heard say a single vulgar word in my life, spits out her coffee and starts yelling every curse word imaginable at her grandson. I couldn't stop myself from cracking up which led to everyone else laughing and making the grandma even madder.
I once put a spoonful of sugar from my sugar bowl on my special K. I took my first bite and it was the saltiest most disgusting thing I've ever tasted. I dumped the bowl and then just tasted some of the sugar in the sugar bowl, and it was sugar. I still have no idea how my that cereal became salty but my siblings still call me an idiot to this day
Funny story, my dad did something similar to this on accident. He poured salt in with the sugar and my mom made pancakes the day after. My grandma almost finished all of those pancakes because she didn't want to sound rude. There was six tbs of salt in the batter, that poor woman
What you do is find their sugar container and empty it, filling the bottom quarter with salt and the top 75% back with normal sugar.
Over time as they use their sugar, salt will VERY SLOWLY begin to mix into the sugar at the top.
So it will look something like this:
Week 1-3: Normal sugar, everything is great
Week 3-6: Small amounts of salt seeping in - breads and cookies might seem the tiniest bit off.
Week 6-10: Food starts to taste really weird. WTF is going on? Everything is super salty.
Week 10+: The mind fuck continues. They will be driven insane.
Why does this work?
Because the salt SLOWLY creeps its way into the sugar. At first it will be impossible to notice but then, probably around week 7, they'll think "hey maybe somebody fucked with my sugar!!"
So they check their sugar - only to find it tasting like normal sugar since at that point it will be like 95% sugar at the top.
Of course when they POUR the sugar out, or SCOOP it, they'll be getting some more of the salt from the bottom, and that is compounded on top of the salt already in their dish.
So the sugar tastes normal until it's added in, at which point it makes all the food taste slightly fucky.
Best part is if they never notice, they will adjust their salt ratios. Then when they run out of the sugar-salt mix, they will replace it with normal sugar.
Now everything will taste like bland horse shit.
And now all evidence of foul play is gone.
At this point they will literally think they're insane.
Sidenote: Don't try this on your girlfriend who lives for baking. You might forget about the prank and six months later she will be crying about how she has failed at one of the only things that makes her happy. I never did tell her the truth. Totally forgot about the prank until after we broke up and I suddenly understood why everything she baked slowly became horrible.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:34:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or just fuckin salt everywhere
Nayzo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was little, probably 4 or 5, I did this. I put salt in the partially full sugar dish, not knowing that salt and sugar are not the same thing (they looked identical, so I had assumed salt is totally what my mom used in her coffee each day). She gets up, makes her coffee, and it doesn't taste quite right. She figures that maybe her mug didn't get clean enough in the dishwasher, so she hand washes it and makes another cup. Still tastes weird. She figures maybe the coffee maker is gunked up and ran vinegar through, then a few batches of water, and finally another pot of coffee. Coffee still tastes funky. At this point, I walked in and proudly told her what a good helper I was, because I filled up the sugar dish with the salt shaker.
So, it seems the best strategy is to actually only put some salt in a batch of sugar, and presumably some sugar in a bunch of salt, and that will fuck with the home owner way more!
I did that to my dad once when I was a kid.
He's a diabetic.
Lammy8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:20:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did this to a friend one morning as part of an April Fool's prank, which also included filling his bike boots up with Rainbow Drop sweets and putting grease based Halloween make-up under every door handle and drawer in the common spaces of the shared house.
Im always paranoid somebody is going to do this at work. We have a lunch room bandit so I'm just waiting for that momentnwhwre i go to sip my milo and its salty...
DSPR ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:46:01 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Trust us, they won't be able to tell." - The McDonald's Corporation
Yeah, pretty awesome. I would've never guessed that it'll come down to something like this. I thought it'd just be another one of those "oh my landlord is so creepy" stories and didn't bother reading the comments
CO is no joke. My case wasn't that bad, but after months of us both feeling sick every morning it clicked and I turned off our furnace. Our landlord never fixed it. He sent some chucklefuck with a detector, but the jackass wouldn't actually go inspect the flue in the crawlspace. We had to use space heaters for the rest of our time there. So when the water heater started leaking, we just didn't even bother calling them and let it rot. I wonder how much it cost to fix that water damage....
MrNogi ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:30:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A user on reddit went on /r/legaladvice and mentioned that they were having random post-it notes around their flat. They asked the sub for advice and one user mentioned that a Carbon Monoxide (CO) leak could be responsible. Turns out it was a CO leak and OP's life just got saved.
He thought his landlord was doing it, which is why he was asking for legal advice. It turned out he was leaving himself notes, but did not remember due to CO poisoning.
MrNogi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:32:47 on June 28, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It was himself. He just didn't realise because of the CO
MrNogi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:30:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A user on reddit went on /r/legaladvice and mentioned that they were having random post-it notes around their flat. They asked the sub for advice and one user mentioned that a Carbon Monoxide (CO) leak could be responsible. Turns out it was a CO leak and OP's life just got saved.
And just maliciously warn people about stuff, Id dress in all black at the airport and put my hand on someones shoulder while they are looking at their phone waiting to board and say "whatever you do, do not get on that plane" and then just walk away
I think I read this here before but hide post it notes with numbers on them and set the 1 and last number in plain sight. Then skip one number and they'll go crazy trying to find it.
I've never heard of carbon monoxide being an issue until Reddit. In Australia, smoke detectors are mandatory in every home, and I assume they'll do CO as well. So, first, I don't understand why you possibly wouldn't have detectors in place.
But even then, what are you people doing that creates levels of CO that stick around for days and cause hallucinations? Do you not have windows in America? I'm seriously confused.
Take every battery out of every electronic device. Replace with tootsie rolls so they aren't too upset when they find out
[deleted] ยท 9206 points ยท Posted at 14:19:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My house got broken into and one of the things they stole was the tv remote. So I went out and bought a universal remote. When I got home I went to the drawer where I keep the batteries. They took those too.
estolad ยท 7487 points ยท Posted at 14:32:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
those motherfuckers
26326312 ยท 1537 points ยท Posted at 14:59:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think the discovery of all my batteries being stolen is where I would properly lose my shit. Such a horrible crime!
I know you're kidding but It's actually worse than you think.
It's one thing to know someone broke in and hurriedly grabbed a bunch of shit, it's another thing to know they took the time to look through drawers and go through all your shit, taking random things that you don't even notice until days or weeks after the burglary.
Source: was burgled, they went through every single thing I own and took some of the weirdest shit, much of which meant a lot more to me than my TV or computer. I mean, they went through my old photo albums. It fucking sucks.
Reminds me of that story about the teenager who would go to parties and steal the host's pictures of their Grandparents, because it was the one thing they can't replace. His room was full of them.
It is just a stand up routine. Who knows if it's real.
SugarG ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:38:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my god. I figured 8 points, is it really worth watching this video? Thank god I did
enineci ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 17:03:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My house was broken into twice in 2 months, and one of the times I had accidentally knocked a bucket of change onto the floor in my room. I was in a hurry, so I didn't have time to pick it up. When I got home, after the break-in, I noticed that they went through the change on the floor and took all the silver change; leaving only the pennies.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:26:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When we got robbed we got cleaned out too. Laptops and hard drives with years of pictures on them. It sucked. Then a couple weeks later I was having a bad day, just wanted to come home and eat a frozen pizza and veg out. Went in the freezer and didn't see the buffalo mozzarella margarita. They took my fucking frozen pizzas.
I got burgled last year. They got in through my window, and stayed in my room. Took my meds (which will do nothing but give them a head ache), ate my cookies, and LEFT a dirty shirt. But everything was slightly out of place. Like they had gone through and looked at all my nick nacks, picked them up and put them back in sort of the right place.
pazoned ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:42:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A lot of people keep cash, change funds in their drawers and cup boards. It sucks but if your drawers and cupboards are flipped its usually because of someone who knew what they were doing.
Did the police fingerprint? Did you catch the person? Where I'm at, the police would say either (a) they can't fingerprint since fingerprints can't be recovered from anything except glass and polished aluminum (that's what they say) or (b) even if they got fingerprints, it would take the FBI over a year to report if they're on record, which is too long to bother with. And if you're lucky to find the stuff on pawn, they won't interview the pawner. Yes, I'm jaded. Oh, and often the stuff on pawn, if serial numbered, is miraculously not in the Police database even though the law requires items with serial numbers to be reported. And nothing is done against such pawn shops.
In High School someone broke into my truck and stole my cell phone and CD player and CDs. This made me mad but what put me over the edge - they went through my ashtray and took my change. Only the quarters, nickels and dimes. They left the pennies.
When I was little, my next door neighbors broke in to our house. They stole not only jewelry and coins/money, they also took VCRs and my first generation Nintendo with games. Then they are all our pickles and drank all the drinks and alcohol we had.
Skip to a weekend later, they had a garage sale where I noticed my Nintendo. Cops came, asked us how we knew it was ours. I (at 6 years old) said which tape was in the vcr. Plugged it in, pushed eject, correct movie!
Yep, my uncle had his house broken into about 8 years ago, of course they took his Flatscreen Plasma, his computers and everything, that's obvious. But they also took his photos and dirty laundry, like that's just too far.
To make things even better he knew who did it and ran into them at a gas station once, they knew so they punched him with brass knuckles.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:54:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you were burglarized by someone who stole things like old family photos, then I would be very suspicious that someone close to you was responsible for the burglary.
SAME SHIT HAPPENED TO ME. House was broken into. They steal a laptop, an iPhone, an x box, a TV, a really nice late model shotgun, a deer rifle that was gifted to me by my father and is the only weapon I've ever used to kill the 14 I've shot throughout my lifetime (a lot of sentimental value if you're a hunter), and a SIG sauer 9mm. That was the big one in a sense... It's a pistol that can unfortunately be converted into a full auto weapon with mods and can easily fit in a jacket pocket. Think of the handgun that the Heath ledger joker used to shoot the transit vehicle with Harvey dent in it. Another unfortunate fact about this weapon (Obviously not mine personally) but the same make and model pistol Was one of the weapons used in the sandy hook shooting.) obviously, this crushed me knowing that I could possible be indirectly responsible for one or several murders because of these idiots.
But, but. The thing that really destroyed me was when I got home and a couple weeks later and took a more precise inventory of my stuff. You get busy, you don't wanna think about it, you put it off, whatever. But these assholes found a coin collection that I had. The coin collection means virtually nothing to me, my grandmother used to give them to us on Christmas and birthdays and I kept them in a cigar box my dad gave me. To be honest, I couldn't tell you if they took anything from the coin collection or not. I probably hasn't actually looked inside the cigar box in 10 years. But they broke the hinge on the box, thereby making it relatively unusable as a storage unit. That really fucked me up because I've been through college and medical school and moved every year for the last 10 years. Had wreck less buddies throw my shit around. Get piss drunk in college and break things, but this box had been gifted to me by my father, containing history of my deceased grandmother, and had survived a tumultuous 10 years of my life.
And in a single instant, these scumbags rip it open, discard it like garbage. And it was MY treasure. In MY house. I've never felt so violated in my life. I'm a 6'1" 220 lbs former football player, so I've never been raped or the like. But I would have to assume the only way I could feel more violated is if I were to be raped.
All I have to say is, I pray that I never discover who these burglars are (luckily I just moved 5 hours away so it shouldn't be an issue). Because insurance paid for a replacement on the weapons. And I'm not sure how I would react being put face to face with my oppressor.
Endulos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:22:11 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hah. My parents place got robbed in the middle of 2004... They stole a bunch of shit, including their Generator.
Somehow, we didn't notice the Generator was missing until we needed it, a powerful storm was moving in on us (I THINK it was the remnants of a hurricane, I can't remember) and we might have needed the generator... So Dad and I went down to the Garage to get everything ready, and while he was looking for the cables and stuff, while I walked around looking for it... Couldn't find the damn thing.
I said "...Dad, where's the generator?"
He called me an idiot and said it was right where he left it. Then he came in the room. Stared at the corner for like, 5 seconds, then said "THEY STOLE THE GENERATOR".
This is actually a problem I'm experiencing. I buy 24 packs of AAs and have three roommates. Every time I'm gone for more than 24 hours all of my batteries are gone. This has happened twice now and of course no one knows what I'm talking about.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:56:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
leave flat batteries next time, and see if anyone is stupid enough to tell you ?
Yesterday morning someone left a pack of batteries on my bed with two missing. Unfortunately, they were triple A's and mine were doubles. Okay, whatever. Last night I get home and a pack of doubles I had purchased the day before were gone as well as the triples. At this point I'm actually finding it funny.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:34:59 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man. Well, this is what I did once: a flat mate kept taking my cheese to make his sandwiches for work. Over time I began to resent my red leicester being eaten by him. (He had a very fat well-off girlfriend who used to stay over all the time, they eventually got married. By then she was spherical. but I digress.) So I stopped buying any cheese. He comes to find me one night, and asks "Is there any cheese ?" I go "In the fridge ?" He says no, he has looked. I go "Really ? I'm sure I bought some." He stomps off in an absolute fury. I never buy cheese in that address again, and go and live with someone else. My advice is : stop buying batteries. This will have an effect on whatever you are using them for - can you get something that plugs into the mains ? Or rechargeable ? Dont electrocute yourself. Anyway don't feel obliged to take my advice ( I voted Brexit. I did not expect my Prime Minister and the entire Opposition to resign. Like 23 of 31 Shadow Cabinet Members went in the last 24 hours. FFS.)
asol ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:29:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I bought a bunch of rechargeable batteries a while back, I'm so crazy about where those things are that if they were stolen I'd be furious.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:35:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My house was broken into towards the end of last year. They took TV's, Laptops, etc. I wasn't the least bit bothered by it all however, because we had insurance and was able to replace lots of the things with it (and some of the stuff they took was broken anyways) however, when I discovered the door to my room is when I flipped my shit.
My door into my room is not locked nor does it have a lock. It takes about half a second to open.
They kicked it in those shits.
bradn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:03:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Especially if you're not a heathen and you have a drawer full of fully charged eneloops at about $2.50 per AA
I hoard so many batteries for the Xbox one wireless controller because it goes through them ridiculously fast. If I were to find out that all of those batteries were gone I would be furious.
Protip: If you change batteries a lot, get rechargables, seriously. I've been using the same 4 batteries on my X360 controller for 2 years now. 2 in the controller, 2 in the charging station ready to go in.
Yep, I do this exact thing with my xbox controller. I've slowly started phasing out regular batteries by replacing them with rechargeables in everything once they have run out. I've also done the same thing with LED lightbulbs.
It's definitely insult to injury. You just know they find that specifically to mess with your head.
jayond ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:30:40 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know, we got buglar twice. They didn't take anything. The second time, someone had sex in our bed. How do we know? They left the condom. Big trash bag and a lot of lysol and frebreze. I think stealing remotes and batteries would have been less fucked up. Of course, police are going to bother to run DNA for a simple break in.
"Battery is a criminal offense involving the unlawful physical acting upon a threat, distinct from assault which is the act of creating apprehension of such contact. In the United States, criminal battery, or simply battery, is the use of force against another, resulting in harmful, offensive or sexual contact."
Depending WHERE they put your Batteries... Could it be "Remote Battery-Battery...?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:07:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well they're not going to convict you if you haven't been born yet.
Kevo_CS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Actually after reading this post he went back in time to his college days to burglar his now ex-wife who cheated on him but forgot about the week he spent living with her when they were still dating because he was just trying to avoid over hearing his sister, who he lived with at time, having sex with her boyfriend who was in town for that music festival that he couldn't afford to buy tickets for. OP unknowingly stole all the batteries that he had bought earlier that day for his girlfriend's new vibrator and in the process managed to steal from himself, cockblock himself, and set in motion a never ending cycle of his future self doing the same to his past self.
And the worst part is, (at least in my area) Goodwill won't take anything back even if it doesn't work. When you ask them if it works they usually give you a half-assed response like "Yeah, they test them in the back".
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
At least, where I live anyway, it's less than ten bucks, so it's mostly wasted time. But the outlets on the shelves for testing don't work either, as I've plugged my phone charger into it when I was suspicious. Jeez...
B5D55 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:12:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have one in it's sealed box , we never opened it .. It's Sony VCR I think
I work at an electronics recycler and I maintain our A/V section among other things. VCRs are so goddamn common. (Actual high-end S-VHS VCRs are surprisingly rare, but I guess they weren't common in the first place.)
This sort of sounds like when my apartment got broken into after I went to work. My boyfriend at the time was overseas and had left his 360. They took the console, the power cord and one of the two controllers. They left the hdmi cord, my tv, and my laptop. I don't think they took anything else either. I still have the lone controller like 3 years later, even though that beau is long gone. I hope they enjoyed my guitar hero game. They left that controller too.
Loosing a credit card ruins your life for like 2 weeks
Huh? What country do you live in? When I lost mine it took me five minutes to call, they immediately canceled the card and refunded the bogus charges, and overnighted me a new card.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:20:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
VCR had cables to disconnect too, though. And that remote's not going to be particularly useful without the TV...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:35:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah. Like I said, the burglars seemed dumb. The vcr wasn't hooked up. The tv was a 50" plasma. So heavier than an lcd but also awkwardly large to carry.
niuguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:43:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well you cannot just walk around with TV in your hands
eneka ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:21:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Happened to us 20 years ago. Came home, and pulled into our driveway with an open garage and our TV was in the middle. This was back then with CRT TVs and it was probably too big for them to fit in the car. Took all our remotes and a new 90 pack of diapers my mom is it bought
Guy replied to me, said it was a heavy ass 52" TV, the kind you need four goddamn people for.
I actually have a 42" version of those, is heavier than any other piece of furniture I own -couch, bed... the stove might be a possible contender, but the TV still loses because at least the stove can be taken on a dolly. TV's too wide and had a shitty plastic body lol
That's low, only equally low story I have is we were out hitting the bars in college and a good friend locked his keys in his car. Him being too broke to call a locksmith decideded it was best to leave his car and stay at my place, then get an extra key from the apartment office in the morning, get his spare key from the apartment and return for his car.
So things start out as planned, get up, get breakfast tacos, get key from apartment, and then we find his door unlocked. He had been robbed and they took everything except the furniture. I'm talking the food from his fridge and deodorant were stolen in true grinch fashion.
So we called the police and they said they would be a couple hours. Not wanting to burn time we set out to go get his car and instead found broken glass where it was parked. Those bastards stole his car with his own keys, found his address in there, then robbed him using his keys to get in and drove off with all his stuff in his car.
Now I'm not one for profiling but his car was recovered with the seat moved forward and the radio tuned to a Tejano station. take that for what it's worth.
I don't mean to insult you, not sure if this is a troll job, a poor job done explaining on my part or you just being a little dense today. They stole the car first breaking the window to get into it and get his keys. Found his address off an old electrical bill or something and drove to his apartment where they unlocked his door with his key and robbed him. If you are still confused I suggest coffee and rereading.
I had a party at my house once and someone stole my TV remote, that wasn't universal. Idk why they wanted that remote unless they had the exact same TV themselves
When I was burgled, the one thing they took that really pissed me off: my stamps. No, I'm not a stamp collector. They were just normal stamps. Motherfucker forced me to make an extra trip to the post office.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:21:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I once had my car broken into in June or July one year. They stole CDs, a Maglite flashlight, a cooler, and a few other items. It wasn't until a frosty December morning that I discovered they had also stolen my fucking $4 ice scraper.
I once had my classroom broken into, and they took my stereo. I'm a music teacher, so I kind of needed it. I was not very happy. Since there wasn't much I could do about it, I just said I could just play the background music straight from my computer into my computer speakers. Uh oh, jerks took those too! Well, since I don't have my computer speakers anymore, I'll just borrow a CD player from another teacher, and burn a new background CD. Wait, they took my CD burner too?? What else could they have taken? Well, as my classes are trickling in, and noticing the police presence and the broken window, I decide I'm getting tired of telling the story multiple times, so I'll just write down what happened on the dry erase board. Jerks took my dry erase markers too.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:14:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It was probably another teacher. Teachers are always stealing dry erase markers.
Think of the havoc one anarchist with a universal remote can do? I had a grudge against a tv/audio store. Once every month or so Id walk over and turn on everything in the store and up to full volume.
I remember watching "It Takes a Thief" on Discovery channel and the guy who's the thief said that he would take all the remotes he can find to piss off the homeowners even more after ransacking their house.
My friend was just burgled, they took only weird things like gogurt and a case of La Croix. He even saw the guy on his way and chased him but he got away.
Now his sense of personal security is ruined. Over gogurt.
x1sc0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:36:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Somewhere I read/saw about something similar happening, and the thief would drive by the house of the victim and randomly change the channels on them.
stuvve3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:48:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A comedian did a skit similar to this. He said he would steal the remote from somebody's house and then as he's driving by he'd change the channels on them.
Can't remember what comedian it is anymore, but it was filmed on a stand up special; not these knock offs of re-posts people are doing on twitter and facebook.
When my apartment was broken into, they took my change jar and I happened to leave my new smartphone at home as it was a big ass bulky one I just got a day before and took my old flip phone by mistake. So, essentially they were carrying a GPS tracker with them.
An year ago, a guy broke in and took my pocket money, a broken tablet (with a huge BROKEN paper gluet to it) and my pack of cigarettes, when they found him, he said he didn't even smoke, he just knew I would be extra pissed when I woke, notice what happened, got pissed and there was nothing to smoke (sorry, my english sucks as much as this guy)
tr41t0r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My SO worked at Starbucks and they used to get I believe a free pound of coffee a week (or something like that). After a while I had a pretty good amount of packages that I couldn't use so I'd give them out to family/friends. I was going to bring 3-4 pounds to someone and left them in my car one night. The car was broken into and all they took was the coffee. They left my emergency cash in the center console though, which was nice of them.
My apartment got broken into and one of the things they took was the Chromecast in my bedroom. I didn't realize until i went to cast something and couldn't :-(
When my apartment was broken into they took the wrong remote with the TV. The cops could tell it was mine because the TV turned up in a pawn shop with said remote.
One time we had a huge party at our apartment in Manhattan. Bunch of random kids from Fordham we didn't know came, but it was cool whatever. Then we caught one of the girls stealing batteries out of our remotes. Not as a prank, she actually was trying to claim she needed our AA's. We threw her ass out and the whole party shamed the shit out of her on the way out, it was great.
When I was in High School we stole the remote to a kid's TV and then we would go by on random nights and turn the TV on through the window. Or change their channels on them. At the time, it was hilarious. In retrospect, it was obnoxious.
Once my house was broken into, and what did they take? All the top ramen, every spoon in my drawer, and my deodorant. Then they peed all over the walls and the floor
Was at a baseball game once and our car got broken into. They took my stereo, about 150 cds (back in the cd era), my backpack complete with all my college books. Got out of the stadium, and was pissed, but the clincher was that they took the cooler of beer from the trunk. At least leave your mark a fucking beer. Seriously.
I work at a pawn shop and one of the ways we can tell a tv is stolen is if they don't have the remote but they didn't forget to bring a whole bunch of other random stuff.
Years back my car was broken into. They stole an iPod (back when iPods were fairly coveted), cologne, cash, misc valuables, and my cigarettes. They did, however, leave me a single cigarette to smoke while I processed the transgression. I was weirdly appreciative.
I just bought a house the owners did not invest in, i kinda questioned maintenance. Anyway, i noticed the light out in the spare bedroom on smoke detector. I test it, no buss, i open it, no battery. Wonder why no chirp, pull unit down and they had disconnected the house electric wires. Cheap motherfuckers and more.
markthe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:56:25 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My phone came with an app called Peel Smart Remote that makes my phone a universal remote! I use it at bars. I think it would be funny to bring it to a sports bar on a big UFC night and shut the TV off at a vital moment.
My friend did this to his other friend's wireless mouse the night before an assignment deadline at university. For about 2 hours, the guy was trying to learn how to use keyboard shortcuts.
corygor ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 15:18:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But leave some of them in the regular direction so they have to check if the batteries are right or not
kenabi ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:16:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
in some devices this will cause issues. namely, crappy batteries can go splodey. full reverse is one thing, but don't get stupid with it.
breaking and entering and just causing chaos is one thing. potential arson is slightly higher on the 'get thrown in with bubba' charts.
lengau ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:58:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Some devices have diodes that prevent negative voltage, but which will thus pass current if there is a negative voltage. This will drain and heat up the batteries, potentially damaging the device or sploding the batteries.
kenabi ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:26:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
sure, that possibility exists as well, but at a lower frequency, generally. most battery powered devices they'd be messing with would probably be limited to remotes and such, where the only true risks involved would be the batteries shorting.
that said, never play around with Li-Po and Li-Ion batteries, people. Never. shorting these types of batteries is seriously bad mojo. reversing their orientation to change polarity can have catastrophic results relatively quickly and the time between 'harmless fun' and 'OMFG WHY DID I DO THIS?!' can rarely be predicted.
peggman ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:04:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
they'd just think the batteries were empty and replace them.
That's only good for the initial aspect though - what you really need to do is change out the label which shows which way the batteries go. That way when they replace them with new batteries, they're putting them in facing the wrong direction.
geveck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:41:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But you can tell which way they go by looking at the spring.
Imagine this happening multiple times in a hoe with multiple people. The epic fights between people over who the ahole who kept messing wth the electronics would be amazing
Even beter, take clear coat or a clear nail polish and paint over all the battery terminals and appliance plugs maybe even the light bulb terminals. That would be way more confusing because its so hard to realize what the problem is
You're wrong due to polarity. If anything the batteries would leak.
kjpmi ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:44:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No. Batteries have a polarity (negative end and positive end). You can't just flip them all the other way. Most devices except for the most rudimentary (such as those cheap ass little hand held fans made in China, which would then just run backwards) require that the batteries are inserted the correct way.
Right, but it has to do with the type of joke made in regards to whatever the topic is, instead of commenting on the joke of putting a tootsie roll in someone's shoes he commented about the "putt" part, isn't that a switcheroo?
You're playing the long con. The joke isn't on the parent (who has to deal with the initial annoyance), it's on the kid: you take the batteries, parent blames their kid and refuses to believe it wasn't them, kid's relationship with their parent is irreparably damaged by the false accusations, the knock-on effects of the shitty relationship totally ruins the kid's life. Ice cold, dude.
Family dies in a house fire, because all of their smoke detectors had tootsie rolls instead of batteries. Story at eleven.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:54:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I worked at a warehouse in the shady side of town and we held lots of copper there. Like 500' of 4" copper and such. This place was also right across from the police station, and my tightwad boss wouldn't buy an alarm since "we're right across from the police station"
Those thieves used a sawzall to cut a hole in or garage door, stole every piece of copper and copper fitting we had, and ate the box full go tootsie rolls. And built an Eiffel Tower about 1' tall OUT OF THE WRAPPERS.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:16:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or just flip the battery ends so positive and negative are on the wrong connection.
Pitarou ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:29:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, put new batteries in all the smoke detectors, but rig them so they'll "test" themselves automatically at random intervals throughout the course of the next month.
sisco98 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:42:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The cutest devil
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:43:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
DO YOU THINK THEY TOOK THE BATTERIES OUT OF THE REMOTE????? DO YOU THINK THAT'S IT?
There was this show on Discovery called To Catch a Thief. Two former burglars (reformed) would say "Oh you think your house is safe?" and then burgle it to prove that it wasn't. Audience and later the family would get to watch on hidden cameras. The homeowners received a home security system makeover at the end. I digress.
The one host confessed that he used to steal all the remotes from people's homes because he said as a kid and the youngest of all siblings he never was allowed control of the remote. I wish I could find that clip. The show was pretty good IMO. Really made me realize how shit my home security is.
Not really related, but this reminds me of a time in college. I'd been up for days on an Adderall binge in order to finish the copious amounts of schoolwork I'd been putting off but needed to complete in order to finish my last semester. My roommates, notorious for our rather extreme parties and our willingness to fuck with each other on a personal level (on the first night of our last semester I got drunk and passed out and they set my desk chair on fire in the woods on our campus, as an example) had wanted me to party with them but I was just too tired and just wanted to sleep. After 4 days awake, I just didn't care about drinking at that moment. I went to bed, and in the middle of the night I woke up sweaty, and sticky, and with something all over my arm. I'd fallen asleep with my arm out, extended over the side of my bed. Placed all up and down my forearm were wheat-thins, with peanut butter on the underside of each cracker, all up and down my arm. Like, 8 fucking wheat thins with slowly melting peanut butter coating my forearm. I was less than pleased.
The next morning, I went to my roommates and said "guys wtf, I was covered in peanut butter and wheat thins, why tf would you do this to me?" And they laughed and all they said was, "what did you do with the wheat thins?"
I said that wasn't important, and insisted that they'd wronged me and asked again why they did it. Again, they asked me what I did with the crackers and peanut butter on my arm.
"I... well, I fucking ATE them, ok?"
They laughed and laughed and told me that they'd drunkenly decided that I needed a snack. The truth was that I hadn't eaten in days and had been extremely hungry upon waking and finding the wheat thins, and I had in fact eaten them all. They knew that I wasn't eating, and in their own, fucked up, loving way they had actually been attempting to do something kind and nice for me. When I realized that their intention the whole time had been for me to eat them, I couldn't even be mad about it anymore. We just laughed and laughed. One of the many things from college we still talk about. I miss those guys
yzxyzx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:14:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Whenever I was in college I was leaving a big pool party hosted by my friends apartment one night and drunkenly walked into the wrong building and thus the wrong apartment to sleep on my friends couch. When I figured out I wasn't in the right apartment, I grabbed that poor dudes remote and split. Helpless mother fucker must've hated me every time he had to change the channel or volume.
namhob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:15:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
While I love this plan. My ultimate goal would be to steal all of their batteries and replace every single one with the same brand of batteries but dead.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:47:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
that's the evilest thing I can think of (until I am done with reading all the comments of this post)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:01:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take every battery out of every electronic device.
I've seen smaller things end a relationship before. "Bitch I know you took em!" She saying the same thing to you, it would never end. Until the day you're packing up to move out, because of the divorce, and you pull that old slow cooker out the back of your cupboard and there they are, a pile of every battery in the house.
I would replace all their AA batteries with AAA. They would pick the remote and just gear batteries sliding back and forth. Leave them a crap ton of D and C batteries. Now they have all these batteries that are rarely used.
I once worked with a guy who sleepwalked a lot, probably due to the ridiculous amount of caffeine and asthma medication he used. Once, he woke to find that every electronic thing in his apartment had been unplugged during the night. He lived alone, and even the refrigerator was unplugged even though he didn't think he was strong enough to move it by himself to reach the plug.
He also once woke to the entire contents of his freezer neatly stacked and melting on his living room coffee table.
The best was one day when he came to work late and said he woke up and all his clothes were gone. He looked all over his apartment and couldn't find them, so he found a bath robe and stared looking outside in the hallway. He eventually reached the laundry room where he found all of his clothes washed, dried and neatly stacked on the table. At this point, I said something like, "good! You're finally doing something useful with your nocturnal activities", but he looked at me with fear in his eyes and said "I didn't have any quarters."
But would you really want to eat tootsie rolls, or anything, left by a supposed burglar?
vapir1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:22:56 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My sister will not eat tootsie rolls because our grandfather always kept stale ones in the pockets of his robes. The younger children were too stupid realize how gross they were.
Install very small speakers with proximity sensors in every power outlet in the house. The speakers would be programmed to play the sound of ocean waves crashing, one of those send you to sleep things, at random intervals 24/7 with volume levels varying between a whisper and old people can hear it. The proximity sensors would be to turn off the individual speaker setup when someone was close to it so they could never locate the sound.
[deleted] ยท 1762 points ยท Posted at 14:36:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You could even make the proximity sensors turn on speaker systems completely far away from them. In fact that's easily the best option.
Proximity sensor in the kitchen turns on the speaker in the dining room so by the time they walk in there it's turned off and the sound is now... in the kitchen. OR! You could make a big pathway through the house eventually leading outside, back in, and in a complete circle.
Yeah but that kills the mind fuck of the complete randomness of the sounds playing. The proximity sensor keeps people from being able to close in on the location of the sound, Having it make another speaker play would encourage a person to look for the source.
How would you stop it from doing that? If one person is in the hallway and makes the kitchen go off, and someone is there already, they'd find it. Or does the sensor sense someone is now I the other room so doesn't go off? That one sounds complicated to pull off.
jofijk ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 16:55:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There are some pretty advanced sensors available with security systems. My parents just got one that doesn't trip the alarm if it senses movement from a <60 lb object because they have a dog. No pressure pads or anything just an optical sensor. Also the air conditioner where I work can tell when people are in the room.
I'm sure someone with some programming knowledge could pull it off.
if the sensor in the hallyway
IS NOT activated, and the sensor in the kitchen IS activated, play the sound. If either of those two variables change stop the sound.
Like this: if there is a person within range of a sensor, the speaker that sensor is closest to remains off. If this means that none of the speakers are on, then so be it. Nothing says you have to be playing something at all times.
Hell, your victim could pack the house with searchers- wherever there is a person, the sound is somewhere else, and vanishes when it is close to being found. Then imagine they give up and all meet in one room to think about it--and there the sound is again, but in a room that was already searched.
Magnnus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:14:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It wouldn't necessarily make the sound play, just enable the speaker. So if you're in the kitchen, the ones in the living room and master bedroom would be on and able to play, but still be on a random infrequent cycle.
Ya but this would allow for a second person to assist in locating the noise.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Then do another proximity sensor that turns it off when you're close! If you've got one, itd be easy to put another in and would keep them on their toes.
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 166 points ยท Posted at 13:55:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Love this one
CyFus ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:57:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
4 dollar bluetooth speaker adapters from amazon with splitter patch cords on all the speaker inputs, still works as usual but every so often you drive by with your laptop and play weird sounds
SNRatio ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:05:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's a film called The Following (nothing to do with the TV series) that uses your post to set a plot in motion:
Cobb reveals that he is a serial burglar and invites the Young Man (who tells Cobb his name is "Bill") to accompany him on various burglaries. The material gains from these crimes seem to be of secondary importance to Cobb. He takes pleasure in rifling through the personal items in his targets' flats and drinking their wine. He explains that his true passion is using the shock of robbery and violation of property to make his victims re-examine their lives. He sums up his attitude thus: "You take it away, and show them what they had."
It's actually one of my favorite films. Chris Nolan shot it as a student for $6000.
lesmax ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:18:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My boyfriend hid one of these in the office of the owner at work - it was a small water testing company. The guy was everywhere trying to figure out what it was, apparently even up on the roof at one point.
The battery only lasts a month, I want this thing hooked up the power grid to ensure decades of madness inducing entertainment.
CyFus ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 14:59:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Too risky, he could pull the main breaker to the house, better install a nuclear battery
HeatMzr ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:59:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They make a Christmas ornament version.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 14:24:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or you could just put crickets in their house.
yanroy ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:03:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
At an old job one of my co-workers played a prank on another co-worker. He put a device that beeps every couple minutes into the drop ceiling. The kicker was that it had a light sensor, so if you lifted the ceiling tile to look for it, it wouldn't beep. The poor victim nearly lost his mind.
While I love it, the electronic noise wouldn't have the same effect as a soothing natural sound like waves. You want he noise to be pleasant but extremely out of place in the environment.
I built one of these in high school and took it to class during an exam. It bothered the hell out of the whole room because everyone thought a bird had managed to get inside and no one could find it. At the bell, I started to leave when my teacher came over and quietly called me out. She let it slide though because it made her laugh. (also I am surprised this kit is still around, as I ordered it by mail catalog back in 1989.)
Better yet, invert the signal so that the speaker comes on when you go near the sensor, so when they finally figure it out and find the sensor, they unplug it and the sound continues muahahahhahaha
oyp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Easier version: you buy several prepaid Android phones and set them with a special ring tone, like the sound of ocean waves... or a woman screaming for help. The you place the phones around the house, or even in several houses on a block. Call the phones from an extra prepaid phone you keep.
You could make several neighbors all call the police at the same time to report a woman calling for help in a neighborhood, resulting in the police searching the area adjacent to those houses. Perhaps the one house in the middle is the house you don't put a phone in, so all their neighbors call the police, and the house in the middle becomes the subject of the police search.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You monster.
Ianb219 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:52:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or buy a couple of these bad boys. That'll show em.
I did something similar to this when I was about 8.
McDonalds made this little happy meal toy watch once that had a sensitive button on it that every time you gently touched it, it'd make this loud UURRRRHHH sound. I unstitched my sisters pillow and put it inside.
She spent the whole night throwing her pillow around and taking off the case trying to understand how this was happening.
We did this to my roommate a while back except we hid a Bluetooth speaker in his bed and played whale calls while he slept, we started the volume on low and over the next couple of hours we raised it more and more, he woke up a couple of times and we would put it back down real low until he fell back to sleep. Eventually we had it up to full blast and he sat up and started mimicking the noises. He remembers none of this and has no idea we have a video of him loudly singing whale songs.
This might be a good use for an old obsolete iPhone. I bought a Halloween creepy sounds CD 20 years ago. I could upload that to the phone and set it to play.
Proximity sensor speakers with the low-battery smoke detector noise. So when you go find it, the noise stops.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have always wanted to somehow do something similar to my sister's house. She is a nut job and believes in the paranormal to the extreme. She also claims to be a psychic but she could never figure out how to predict all the bad things that have happened to her.
I would like to set up hidden speakers around her house or where ever she's living now and once in a while say something. I would have to disguise my voice. Knowing how nuts she is though she would be happy to connect with the 'spirit' voices.
VapeApe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:11:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Someone did this at an old job. They put one of those things in the ceiling tile. For weeks people thought they were going crazy.
When I was a kid in the 70's little electronic build kits were popular.
There was one I liked in particular. It was a small device that would sound like a mosquito and had a light sensor. After a few minutes of darkness it would start making a mosquito sound and when you turned on the light it would stop.
What you'd do was to hide it behind something in someones bedroom.
My friends boyfriend did something like this. He placed a small speaker in the vent in her room that would play random ghostly whispering that would say her name and things related to her at night. In hindsight, he was a really creepy dude.
I installed something like this in my backyard. I've had a problem with people crossing through my backyard late at night, and they'd just break my fence or just hop over it -- got tired of it and repurposed an old motion sensor, an a laughing doll that my daughter used to play with until it fell in the bathtub. After the bathtub incident, the voice became modulated and creepy as hell. I installed the motion sensor in a way that would trigger the doll to laugh when someone walked near it, and I placed it outside near the normal path that they would take. It scared the shit out of everyone who tried to cross through. I also dug a spike pit a little further along, so that they'd impale themselves trying to run from the doll. Usually they don't die right away, but the ants finish them off fairly quickly.
but have the speakers play a muffled conversation instead.
zcbtjwj ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:33:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
something similar made me think I was crazy a while back:
As I was walking round the house I would hear an occasional hissing sound, so I stop to try to hear it better and locate it. Silence.
Just as I move on, I hear another hiss. I can hear it in most rooms, but not all. I check the cooker, the heating, the taps, but the volume never changes.
Turns out my boots had worn down to the foam and were wet so would hiss when I put pressure on the heel on smooth floors.
Corvinm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:41:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And then exactly 1 hour after they've given up looking and are questioning their sanity and fallen asleep, play sounds of pissed off carnivorous animals until they wake up, then go back to ocean waves and repeat indefinitely. He/she will be completely Insane in probably about 2 weeks.
Alternative, whenever movement is detected in the kitchen with two hours minimum since last time the bedroom blasts bloody murder, screams or perhaps a chainsaw unless movement have been detected recently in the bedroom as well.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:37:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If it's a fat person, program it to beep like a semi in reverse.
A sound repeller such as rat repeller would probably work as well. Whenever I go to a house which has a rat repeller in it, I hear an irritable sound around the house. There are some other people who can hear this sound which proves I'm not a rat.
[deleted] ยท 4109 points ยท Posted at 12:35:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
soupy_e ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:28:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Man! I really need to start watching rick and morty!!
soupy_e ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:28:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Man! I really need to start watching rick and morty!!
mannieCx ยท 517 points ยท Posted at 14:30:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, are you tired of real doors, cluttering up your house, where you open โem, and they actually go somewhere? And you go in another room? Get on down to Real Fake Doors! Thatโs us. Fill a whole room up with โem. See? Watch, check this out! Wonโt open. Wonโt open. Not this one, not this one. None of โem open! FakeDoors.com is our website, so check it out for a lot of really great deals on fake doooors!
Hey everybody! So this is my house, just made a sandwich, peanut butter and jelly, still here, still selling fake doors
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 14:33:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I get my Real Fake Doors second-hand from Ants-In-My-Eyes Johnson. I'm not sure who in their right mind sells their old Real Fake Doors, but Ant's deals are crazy!
[deleted] ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 14:30:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Who installs them though? Ants in my eyes Johnson
yanroy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:58:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I read that as "eyes on my Johnson" and thought it was someone known for sticking googley eyes to his dick.
Also, he can't feel anything, but that goes to the wayside.
zleuth ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 14:29:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But where can I find enough real fake doors at reasonable prices? I, for one, am sick and tired of paying full retail prices for my real fake doors!
pigi5 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:39:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I know this is a Rick and Morty reference, but it reminds me of those doors in Luigi's Mansion.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:19:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My family used to actually have a fake door. We never worked out what the purpose of it was, but there was a door basically identical to the front door next to the real one. It had a door handle attached (to the outside only), and inside there was nothing to suggest it could possibly be a door - the stairs were in the way. The only hint of anything but wall was the screw keeping the fake doorknob in place. Weird.
Our cleaner seemed to appreciate it. Whenever she cleaned the house, the doormat would be moved to in front of the fake door instead of the real one.
capilot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:25:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Google actually did that in their main corporate office.
They bought the building from SGI, and gutted the interior to make a lot of open space. The architect took a bunch of the excess doors and just put them all around a conference room. It's the first thing you see when you come in the main lobby.
pgh9fan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:32:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or install real doors to real closets and fill them with a bunch of stuff that the residents would probably own. Do this every night until they don't have walls anymore. Just closets. Install really tiny closets to fill in the spaces between doors. Once you're done with the walls then you move to the ceiling, then the floor, then the outside walls, then the roof until their entire house is made of doorways.
I dated this girl for a while, a year and a half or something. About 2 months after we started dating I turned up to her house and she had this picture down off the wall and was moving the little piece of string that holds it down the other end of the frame. I asked her what she was doing and she replies super casually "Blowing my mothers mind". Her mum was a pretty big fan of weed, and was perpetually stoned, and my girlfriend explained that every now and then she'd rearrange stuff in the room her mum hung out in piece by piece, some times one day at a time, or sometimes a little faster and acted like everything was normal in there, It was her favorite game to play, and it pretty soon became mine too. She was heaps better at it than I was and some of the shit she came up with was incredible. When we broke up I was devastated, because I'd never get to play the game again.
Edit: TIL I'm not a very nice person. I didn't even know Gas lighting was a thing!
Alsenis ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 17:34:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You gotta tell us some of these stories and the mother's reaction
You can borrow my mother in law to prank like this on. She likes to smoke weed every day. But, you gotta promise me to rearrange her place by pouring gas everywhere and lighting it on fire while she is passed out in it.
The first little project involved turning all the photos on the walls upside down. Just one at a time. It took her about a week to notice, we came into her loungeroom one day and she was sat just starring at the wall, we asked her what was doing and she told us she thought the photos would look better the other way around, which was pretty underwhelming until she asked us to help her fix them, then proceeded to try and hang them picture side down, glass against the wall. We also changed the photo in the frames to photos of her dog, and terribly photoshopped (read not photoshop, some shitty free editing software) her into various vacation photos, mostly in third world environments and asked her to tell us about the times she visited those places. She was pretty comfortable with lying, so she told us plenty of stories of trips to africa she never took. We stacked magazines under the cushions in her couch, or down the back rest between the cushions and the frame to make it different thicknesses so when she sat down it kind of messed with her depth perception. They were all slow burns.. we'd leave it for a week so she got used to it, then change it. It's way too stereotypical but a whoopee cushion was probably the best thing we ever stuffed in her couch, and hearing her scream "I CAN'T FEEL IT SO I OBVIOUSLY CAN'T CONTROL IT!" was fantastic.
I was working on some assignments and were supposed to go on a double date that night with her best friend and her new boyfriend and I rung her like an hour before we were supposed to leave, I was super stressed because it was a pretty major project and I told her I was worried I wouldn't finish it in time. She was silent for a bit then told me not to worry about it, that she wanted to spend some time alone anyway. I said thanks and said I could come around after, to which she replied "By some time I mean for ever and by alone I mean just not with you", and that was the last time we spoke. I used to wonder if maybe I'd gone to see that movie everything would be okay, until I found out she'd been seeing someone else for a couple of months. I think there might be a silver lining in there somewhere.
I thought it would be a really clever joke, with them replacing a lowercase L with a capital I or something. But at the time I made this comment, it's exactly the same :(
On my screen, the text is slightly higher than normal. Maybe other screens don't show it (I used superscript and headers to cancel each other out, but I can see the difference.) If you have RES, click "source" below my post.
Tynach ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:58:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Protip: If you're only doing one level of superscript, you can wrap the contents in parentheses so that you don't have to put a carat in for every word. Like this:
^(This is all superscripted.)
Which looks like this:
This is all superscripted.
Some bug or something in their code makes it not work with nested superscripts, though. So you can't use this to more easily make very small text or the like (just the first level of it).
I type a lot compared to other sites, but not compared to reddit. Similarly, I type really fast compared to most other people, but when I talk at that speed in real life, I sound slow (ignoring how I can't talk and think at the same time).
I was totally being relevant.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:06:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Juggale ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:28:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A BELIEVER!!!
Skirtz ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 14:41:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make it the same family member in each picture that gets replaced with Nic Cage. In fact, over the course of several years, start to slowly morph the family member in those pictures to look more and more like Nic Cage, so that they don't notice and you insert a false memory into their brain that someone in their family actually used to look like Nicolas Cage.
Actually had this idea when my friends very unstable dad developed a bizarre obsession with The Cage. Walked in on his dad photoshopping his face on to random peoples bodies, we thought it was only a matter of time before the family photos went as well.
When I left my last job I printed out loads of passport sized Nicholas Cage's and hid them in random places like under the keyboard, bottom of a drawer, above eye level in the customers toilet.
For months I had texts from my old boss (happens to be my friend) saying NICHOLAS BLOODY CAGE!.
Reminds me of the time when I lived with my sister we had a friend of hers move in with us. So for the first week she was there I placed pictures of Nicholas Cage all over the house. In her drawers, on the bathroom mirror, under the toilet seat, in cereal boxes. Was great fun.
But then she slept with my brother-in-law and destroyed their family. Not as much fun.
I did this at my office for April Fool's. At each desk, I took one or two pictures and replaced them with Nicholas Cage. It surprisingly took people a while to catch on.
Or get Nicholas Cage to actually replace a family member/roommate, while said roommate poses as Nicholas Cage.
omarei ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:13:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to live in Halifax, Canada. I had a phone number there. After college, I moved to Montreal and got a new number. A few months later friends from Halifax were messaging me on Facebook asking why I am sending them nude shops of Nic Cage. Turns out the guy who got my old number was fed up of answering people and messages made out to me, that he just went balls out sending Nic Cage nudes to everyone.
The strange part is I decided to call him one day out of curiosity to apologize, and he was like "so you're omarei, you must be really popular with all these texts and phone calls n shit". I chuckled and played along, but truth be told, when I was in Halifax for 4-5 years I hardly ever got calls or texts. My flat-mate was the popular one who made the plans, I just tagged along.
I had a friend do that to me at work while I was on vacation. Came back Nicholas Cage replaced every single person in all my pictures and the drawings my daughter did.
Lamshoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:46:50 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We have a running gag in my family where we'll do this, but with my uncle (instead of Our Lord and SaviorNick Cage). He lives in Alaska and doesn't visit very often, so the joke started when we would photoshop him into family photos as if he had actually been there.
Now the joke is to replace photos in family members' homes with ones where my uncle's face is shopped onto random other people in the photo. May personal favorite was when my cousin managed to resolve every single photo that featured his toddler brother with photos that had the (very creepy) adult face instead of a baby face. We've also sneak a few into wedding albums, which are also fun.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:14:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Somebody actually went through my friends' apartment with cutout heads of Nic Cage and stuck them everywhere. My friends have no idea who did it, but to this day they'll just find little Nic Cage heads in some random place.
Or just hide him in every possible picture in their house.
Like, after a few months they casually discover a Nicholas Cage in one picture and think: "Huh, weird".
Then after a while they discover another Nicholas Cage and get suspicious.
Eventually they will find him in every picture of the house and freak out.
[deleted] ยท 577 points ยท Posted at 13:40:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Guests come over
And these are our ki- Huh? Giraffes?? JOHN!!
Ididn'tdoit!!
732 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 14:33:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
EDIT: hey before you hit that down arrow why don't you ask yourself why you can't take a joke you losers. jesus the pc crap has extended to long horses? because that is all those things are, and no one was bawling when that chimp got shot for eating that lady's face. so are you racist for long horses over gorillas? hippocrites.
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 14:53:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Since the photos on the walls could all be different sizes, you could get a bunch of small or medium sized pictures of giraffes and then just tape them over the pictures. This would work best for the really small or larger photos, where the picture would be bigger than the frame or only cover part of the picture, like just someone's face on it.
When i was on a safari i saw a male giraffe trying to sexually dominate a younger male. My guide simply said there was no such thing as a gay giraffe. The dominant male then began to commit to his intentions and started to hop up from behind. Gay giraffe guys.
Kepui ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:07:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My aunt and uncle had me watch their dogs while they went on vacation once. They have this picture arrangement that shows like a breakdown of their family. There's one of my grandparents, my mother and father, their kids, and one of them all together. Well my uncle by trade used to be a farmer and he likes to collect model tractors. I took down all the pictures, carefully, and replaced them with a picture of a John Deere tractor and assembly diagrams for some of its parts. The day they got back I pointed it out to my uncle and he just giggled and kept quiet. My aunt didn't notice for almost a month.
Another option is to replace all of their family photos with face swap versions of the same photos. I bet it would take a very long time for anyone to notice.
Plus I would eat the rest of the pizza in the fridge.
I add pictures of me to my friends homes. They either don't ever notice or end up enjoying having a picture of me. None of the ever take it down or comment on them.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:30:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My friend and I were drunk at her mum's house watching the place a few months ago.
We decided to replace any pictures of her that her mom had with pictures of me posed exactly and wearing the same-ish clothes (colour scheme wise).
It was about 8 pictures, and it didn't take very long but we thought we were hilarious.
Her mom thought it was weird that two 30-year-old women would think to do that.
My parents pulled a prank like this while I was house sitting for a couple they were friends with. We replaced all of the pictures of them with pictures of us to see how long it would take them to realize.
It became pretty obvious after we decided to cut out my stepdads head and tape it to baby jesus in their nativity set. Oh and the huge blown up picture of my parents with their back to the camera, overlooking a maui cliff, naked. That was taped over their knock-off Monet in the master bathroom.
In my home, this would be worse than stealing stuff. I hate giraffes with such a passion I would likey burn each frame containing anything resembling a giraffe.......... my son has never had a single giraffe item in his posession. Not clothes, toys, blankets, nothing. You'd be surprised at how difficult it is to outfit an entire child from birth to toddler without a single giraffe. Someone apparantly decided somewhere in history that the giraffe was the best mascot of children's items. That's makes avoiding them surprisingly difficult. Fucking giraffes. Please don't ever come to my home you sick fuck.
In college one of the guys in my dorm had a girlfriend that looked very similar to Emma Watson. So one day while he in class we took the picture on his desk of him and her together and carefully put a picture of Emma Watson over the girlfriend's face.
He didn't notice for about two weeks when she came and visited for a weekend.
Replace all the photos with pictures of Steve Harvey
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:02:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Three weeks ago I replaced a picture of my sister with the Fresh Prince and my parents just recently noticed it. They haven't bothered to take it down.
iRasha ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My brother once replaced every photo in my house with photos of sloths
awaitsV ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:14:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I did a similar thing to my neighbor. When he went on vacation for two weeks, he asked me to water his plants and gave me the keys. Since he had a striking resemblance to actor Joey Slotnick, I replaced all his framed photos with colormatched photos of Joey Slotnick. It took him the better part of the month to find all of them.
Oh, and I interchanged the N and M keys on his Keyboard, along with , and . And also the upper and lower row on the numerical block.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:48:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My brothers did something similar as a prank on my parents, where they replaced all the pictures in the house with shitty hand-drawn versions in the night.
I would post them here if I wasn't way too lazy, but just take my word for it that they were pretty great
exatron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:19:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stupid long family.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:38:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
omarei ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:13:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to live in Halifax, Canada. I had a phone number there. After college, I moved to Montreal and got a new number. A few months later friends from Halifax were messaging me on Facebook asking why I am sending them nude shops of Nic Cage. Turns out the guy who got my old number was fed up of answering people and messages made out to me, that he just went balls out sending Nic Cage nudes to everyone.
The strange part is I decided to call him one day out of curiosity to apologize, and he was like "so you're omarei, you must be really popular with all these texts and phone calls n shit". I chuckled and played along, but truth be told, when I was in Halifax for 4-5 years I hardly ever got calls or texts. My flat-mate was the popular one who made the plans, I just tagged along.
Fremano ยท 1998 points ยท Posted at 12:52:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mismatch their socks; crush up ยพ of their cereal into crumbs & cover it with the remaining uncrushed ยผ so it looks normal; empty their shampoos & conditioners then put the conditioner into the shampoo bottle & shampoo into the conditioner bottle; put loose change into every pocket of whatever is in their laundry hamper; fill their pepper shaker up but put a thin layer of salt at the top; rotate their shower knob/shower knob plate by a centimetre so they lose their sweet spot; swap around their HDMI cables so port 1 is now port 3, etc; open up their door knobs & rig it so it can only be turned one way to open.
I mess with my roommates a bunch.
[deleted] ยท 1522 points ยท Posted at 14:44:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Too far, too hot, too cold, a little too hot, way too cold, ahhh just right" FTFY
demuni ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:42:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I know the general position and then fine tune every time. Depending on the weather I take different temperatures of shower. Also depending on the time of day/outside temperature my water temperature is different so I'm forced to adjust by feel anyways.
Same. Turn it all the way up, turn it back just a little bit. I don't even know if our shower knob or plate say anything I haven't looked at them in so long. Also doesn't help that I can't see anything when I get in the shower because I don't have my glasses on.
You're the roommate that thinks they're hilarious when actually everyone hates you and bitches about you behind your back. Yes I have lived with a dickhead roommate before, why do you ask?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:51:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
rotate their shower knob/shower knob plate by a centimetre so they lose their sweet spot
You monster.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:49:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I washed my hair with conditioner then shampoo until senior year in high school when I realized it was the wrong way. Jesus my hair felt so soft when I did it right.
My best friend had a baby recently, and her most hilarious pregnancy-brain moment:
Hair is greasy, don't feel like a full shower. Reach for can of spray dry-shampoo. Start spritzing, doesn't seem to be working. I GUESS I'M JUST NOT PUTTING ENOUGH ON! Proceed to nearly empty contents of can onto head, without seized result. Shrug and continue with day.
Head up to bed, see the can of dry shampoo on the dresser. Weird, hair was done in the bathroom, how did this get in here? Move it to bathroom counter, where the nearly empty bottle of dry shamp--nope. That is spray deodorant. These bottles look waaay too similar. Pregnancy:7 friend:0
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:22:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One from Dennis the Menace? Put mouthwash in their nasal spray and toilet cleaner in their mouthwash, being careful to match colours...
A buddy sub-letted my university apartment one summer. I forgot I'd given him two keys (one for him and one for his girlfriend). He gave me back his. We all forgot about the girlfriends.
She would occasionally come in when she was driving into or out of town and passing the house, and do "nice" (READ THAT AS CREEPY AS FUCK) things for us.
Example, she's be early to see him, know he had class till 3pm. Go into his house and like, do the dishes. Then go out and get lunch, pass by our house, and then come in and do our dishes to be nice. Then go meet him. Never leave a note or anything.
I basically thought we had a ghost or I was losing my mind. Because just little things like chores would be done and I swore we didn't do them. After a bit laundry would be done, and folded or put away wrong, so I was pretty sure someone was doing it, or my girlfriend I lived with was lying if she said she didn't do it. Then house hold items would be in weird places.
Eventually she baked up bread and left it on the counter. Again no noted but that was a very much "WTF SOMEONE IS DOING SOMETHING" move.
If it had been more modern I would have done a webcam and saw what was happening, but alas, instead I talked to the landlord, he changed the locks.
Then she phoned me one day and asked me why I changed the locks. And told us she was doing that all along.
It was a really sweet and weird fucking thing.
PS - we gave her another key with a heart on it after all was said and done
PPS - they are still alive, got married and are living happily ever after. I probably wrote in the past tense because it was like 15 years ago and I don't see them as much as I'd like anymore.
Stonn ยท 6041 points ยท Posted at 13:41:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
You are so lucky though. For a while you lived in a world that is exciting. Where maybe ghosts existed. And you got your chores done and homebaked bread.
Thanks to the friendly ghost for gilding!
Haymus ยท 1776 points ยท Posted at 14:20:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not sure why OP got locks changed, I'd pay someone a good amount of money to be the maid I'd never see
haha "the Twins actor", I love thats what they credit him for. Also, didnt know he had a kid with the maid. Kid looks like a young hispanic chubby arnold.
The worst part is feeling like I'm in the way when our housekeeper comes over. I feel like shit if I'm just sitting on my ass doing something while she's working her ass off. I try to make plans to not interfere with her work.
It's like paying for movers. You want to help, but it might be a union thing. So I always end up buying like a pizza or something and offering some to them.
I offer the Windstream guy who's supposed to fix my internet coffee. He never takes it, he also doesn't fix the internet and doesn't show up 70% of the time (while also not calling so I'm stuck at home 8AM-7PM waiting).
The worst part of a maid is when she only cleans things from shoulder height down, and she's less than five feet tall. Being six-two myself, this drives me insane.
Oh, and the random shit she steals or puts away where I will never find it.
I can't stand Bear children, they're so messy and you have to worry about them fucking up the drapes
amedeus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:25:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The worst part about having maid is when my parents hired the neighbor and didn't tell me and I walked around the house in my underwear after they left for the day.
This is one of those statements that would be quoted in a thread about how do you know someone grew up rich. I'd give a finger for any maid even if she was in the way.
Maybe because OP's privacy was being breached... the nice chores were the only thing he noticed. For all he knows some creepy old dude dressed up like Martha Stewart could have been breaking in, fulfilling his housemaking fetishes, and then sodomizing all of the produce in OP's fridge.
And my daughter believes she sees ghost, so that part of it is maybe still exciting (and actually a lot creepier than when we thought a spirit was washing our jeans)
DaSaw ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:40:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not ghosts, elves! The little elves that do shit like make shoes at night.
The apt. was getting messy, specifically the dishes. I was getting annoyed since I ALWAYS did my dishes (About 40% of it was spite for the roommate) and when I called him out on it, he claimed that he did his dishes when he made food.
I said, sarcastically, "either you don't do your dishes like you say you do, or there is some hermit secretly living in the closet eating food and not doing their dishes"
He didn;t get the sarcasm and basically said "What are you talking about? There isn't a fucking hermit living in the apartment"
Yeah. The thought process was:
- I am basically married to my boyfriend (they dated from like 13 years old, and did get married later so she was right)
- Billbapapa is like a brother to my boyfriend (he was an only child and we were actually really close friends so she was kinda right again)
- therefore I'm family and you should take care of family.
I don't know if there was more to it than that exactly. She was just a really nice person and talking to her I actually think she believed no notes were needed/wanted as that would just be like asking for a thanks she didn't need. And I think she thought it was normal cause she did that sort of stuff for us when I lived with her boyfriend previously (he was my roommate for the first two years of Uni till we had conflicting woke work terms).
It was, really. She was also really cute looking too (she was short, petite) and pretty smart. I was really happy they lived happily ever after and made short cute super nice kids.
Lazin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:05:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Haha, foiled by /u/Haruon writing the name wrong, thank you.
Haruon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:14:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Goddamn! I swear I checked several times to ser if I have gotten the first part right and still managed to write it wrong. I hope I didn't ruin our chances of getting our answer. Sorry!
Lazin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:22:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No worries, just thought for a bit that the user wrote the story and deleted. Have not found answer to it yet though. He seems active though.
They are still alive and have three adorable little kids. We've drifted apart due to jobs and such but he's still one of my best friends we just are waiting till we both retire to hang out more :)
IT6uru ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:33:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My GF is pretty much the same sort. When you've got a person who just does things and you just do things without a thought to help around your relationship is crazy good.
I want her to be my best friend's girlfriend. Mainly because I'm happy with my fiance. And he could use a little more of that type of stuff. Bonus if I get it too.
Ha. Well, maybe, just maybe, the fact you feel like an asshole means you actually care about your family, which makes you a good person and means just by that alone you're probably a better family member than you realize or give yourself credit for.
Being asked to do something specific and doing something randomly and spontaneously because you have the time and you're thinking of someone you love are two entirely different things. Don't be quite so hard on yourself.
I began reading this thread thinking she must be super creepy and clingy and that this could only end up in her eventually flipping out because no one was giving her recognition. But now I see that she's just an actually genuine and selfless person. My girlfriend does these kinds of selfless acts too sometimes and I thought she was just an anomaly. I feel better about people now.
No, I probably said was cause I'm just a bad writer. They ended up getting married and having kids, and though I'm not close anymore with them they still seem happy every time we talk.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 14:32:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You kids and your short forms. I had no idea what a deet was.
But your wish is my com!
jicty ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:10:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Damn, I need a girlfriend like that. If she had left a note or told you then this would have been the sweetest story ever. I bet you regret changing your lock and having to do all your chores!
Everyone else read it, and just commented on how nice she was. No one mentioned the woke? Thank you, I'm picturing a fight over stir fry right now ending in moving out. But then that's wok, but i have nothing else to go on.
She was just a really nice person and talking to her I actually think she believed no notes were needed/wanted as that would just be like asking for a thanks she didn't need.
Aww... she sounds very much like my mother. My mother does things like these too, especially for our neighbors and our relatives. She's just a wonderful, kind soul, much like your friend's girlfriend.
My maternal grandmother was also like that and she passed away when I was much younger. In some ways, my mother's keeping her legacy alive, one nice little deed at a time. I hope to be someone like her; she's such a fantastic person. :)
I would understand the logic and not see the problem...IF you had previously given her "stop in anytime" privileges. Just because I have the key to someone's place, I don't assume I can just go into their place whenever, even if it is to do nice things.
I have keys to my friend's apartment and even when I needed to just grab something I forgot real quick and knew he wasn't going to be there, I texted him.
Yeah, it was basically unspoken 'stop in privileges'. I'd lived with him previously and she had a key to our shared house. When he moved into mine I just gave them both a key cause I assumed she'd be there all the time. I just did it so casually even I forgot I'd done it.
LupoAS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:43:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But we gave them both a new key, she did it occasionally. And we actually made a habit of doing the same for them. Except because I'm me, that actually just meant I dropped off random groceries and I think a couple of times I did their trash.
festerf ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:59:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
but is he an absolute madman?
Zardif ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:08:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As it was happening though, it's crazy to think you're losing your mind. Things are moving around your house without you knowing. Dirt is disappearing which while wonderful, makes you doubt your sanity.
Well you trusted her with a key, isn't that a universal sign for "come when you please?" Yeah she should have told you but she probably assumed you guys knew all along. The whole situation was a miscommunication, doesn't sound creepy at all.
Edit: Jeez guys I get it, circumstances aren't always the same for everyone. Again, communication is key on that.
No. No that does not mean "come when you please". That means "If I get locked out then I'm going to call you, and am willing to provide the same service in return" or "If we have plans to meet up and you get to my house before me then you can let yourself in", but under no circumstances does it mean "show up at my house unannounced whenever you feel like it."
My (now) boyfriend was going through the final portion of a divorce (they had been separated for months but paperwork was still going through), his roommate had ditched out on him leaving him with additional couple hundred in rent he couldn't cover on his own (so he was facing homelessness in a matter of months if he couldn't find a new roomie), and was all around going through some severe depression. As a result, the apartment got pretty bad - bottles and cans everywhere, dusting/vacuuming hadn't happened in months, dishes, etc etc.
I still thought he was very cute/sweet/smart and so on, and had been flirting with him quite a bit. During one of our one-on-one conversations (his place was where a lot of our friends met up to hang out) confessed that as a kid I used to sneak into houses for fun; he told me he wouldn't be upset if he came home sometime to find me at his place. I warned him not to joke about it unless he wanted it to happen, and he shrugged and said he genuinely wouldn't be mad.
I started breaking in (read: scaling the balcony and coming in through the unlocked sliding door) and doing his laundry, organizing the recyclables, did a thorough cleaning of the place.
He'd come home to randomly find the apartment looking cleaner and cleaner, baked goods, cold drinks in the fridge. Instead of being creeped out he was extremely grateful. I continued to flirt, and we ended up dating/hooking up. Moved in after a few months, and now it has been over 2 years. :)
I love your 'extremeness' to make it happen. Scaling the balcony is awesome, in a twisted way. Really happy that worked out for you, and he got himself a killer roommate after all.
I continued to flirt, and we ended up dating/hooking up.
You had to continue to flirt?? Was this guy pretty clueless in general? Because when a girl scales your balcony, cleans your apartment, stuffs your fridge and bakes you things, that's a pretty huge clue she might be into you.
He was coming out of an 8 year relationship where he was routinely berated for even looking at other women, and had pretty much trained himself to be completely oblivious (in the 'I have 0 chance of being with anyone else so why bother thinking about it' kind of way). The idea that I might be 'into him' didn't cross his mind until I straight up propositioned him. He had assumed I was just being a really good, if not weird/silly, friend.
My cousin has a very bad short term memory and no foresight. I can't count the number of times I've had to go over to his place because he forgot his keys.
One time I was at work and I couldn't get there in time so he broke into his own house through a kitchen window. Some neighbours saw someone sliding into their neighbours house headfirst (only saw the legs and feet) and call the cops.
By the time I show up there's a couple of cop cars and my cousin explaining to them what happened.
I was always paranoid about getting the cops called on me, but my childhood adventures had taught me well. Once I knew the time it took to get the balcony (15 seconds using rope ladder I constructed) it was just a matter of making sure people's blinds were closed and no one was walking around.
Some other dude said that. I think they got the idea from her!!! based on the fact this is the first time I remember telling this story except right at the time it happened, and because I have no idea when that movie was made but the 'ghostly pixie' who was invading my house happened like man, 15 years ago or more.
She clearly had seen Chungking Express too many times. One of the plots of that film involves a guy who gets dumped by his girlfriend and starts projecting his sadness onto the items in his apartment. So the manic pixie dream girl who works at the local takeout stand starts breaking into his apartment and cleaning/fixing it up so that it will subconsciously improve his mood.
It's slightly less weird in the context of the rest of the film, but only slightly.
Funny enough, I actually had a scare with that too back at my parents and it was in the same time frame. But not really a good story. I slept in a lot when I went home, like abnormally. The room was in the basement. They had a leak. Second they installed a detector it went off like the fourth of the July. Problem solved quickly, but no Ghostly behaviour.
Yeah, I wasn't smart enough to leave a note in return. It was only really the last two or three times when it was obvious it wasn't just me imagining shit or my girlfriend doing things and just not bothering to take the credit.
Oh man! I just remembered this story we had in our English class. I just can't remember the name. It's basically about a couple who move into a new home but they work really long hours so they dont have time to clean up. But whenever they get home they find all the dishes have been done, floor has been swept and garbage taken out. They think it a cleaning ghost and leave a bigger and bigger mess everyday. Until one day the husband gets a really big itch to see the ghost. They stay home one day to find out. Turns out its another agent from the realtor who keeps coming in to clean up the place to show to potential clients.
Now that I think about it, its a pretty stupid story. I mean at what point can't the realtor realize that theres someone living in the house.
I used to do this for my friend! I had a key to his house and I went to college right by it so when he was at work and I was on my way home I would stop by, take the puppy out, and do a few miscellaneous chores. Never even thought about how it might scare him haha.
When I was 12'and learning English I read a story for my English class named "A tidy ghost" where the new home owners occasionally come home to see it all tidied up like the bed done, coffee mugs washed etc and they freak out and think a ghost may be doing it. One day when they were at home the door unlocks and comes a realtor who is not aware that the house was sold/rented out so he was coming in the house before the showing and making it presentable and then giving a tour. When you said a ghost, I remembered my book from 20 years ago. Oh Reddit...
floydw6 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:31:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my god I'm having a "deja vu" moment with your comment. Stupid long term memory.
fl0w_io ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:34:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So it's either random person with your key or carbon monoxide poisoning. Never ghosts :(
How was it you or your girlfriend never accidentally caught her? Those surprises all sound like things that take a bit of time, and a university schedule isn't usually like an all-day job. Seems like eventually one of you would have come home to find her there washing dishes or something. Which, by the way, would have been a pretty awkward conversation for your girlfriend.
Yeah we were, at least that term, trying to do the 'go in early, stay all day, treat it like it's a job then you won't have to actually burn through all your nights' sort of bullshit university thing. It lasted maybe a term I'm not sure. It's the best of intentions, "start of new year I'll do it right this time..." kinda thing. It had other weird stuff including this story. But yeah, probably any other term of my studies she'd have walked in to find me jerking off in the kitchen where she eventually put the bread.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:49:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
She sounds awesome
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:07:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A human heart?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:13:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One of my room-mates' girlfriend came over one Sunday morning to cook up a big breakfast but he'd actually gone out of town the previous night last minute forgetting they had a plan. They connect on the phone and she's like...FUCK...well, what should I do with this food then, and he says 'Just leave it for the guys, they've love you for it', she leaves, then they both forgot about it completely.
The rest of us come down and all leave it untouched, each thinking someone else made it, until at one point early afternoon someone asks if they can have a bit and we promptly deduce that NONE OF US MADE IT and were confused as shit.
It was delicious though. And after a week of believing we'd inherited a house elf the truth finally came out.
deck65 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:26:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My brother is dating this same kind of girl. I work overnights and sleep until mid afternoon. It's amazing to wake up and the dishes are done, he house is vacuumed and the pets are fed and have been let outside. And she refuses to let us do anything or pay her since she doesn't pay to live there. Like living in a dream.
That is just... the funniest and sweetest thing I've read in a while. I lost it at the bread part. Coming in like "fuck, the Gracious Ghost hit again. Damn it."
Although it's weird that she would fold and put away your laundry. Like, really weird. I wouldn't do that for my friends. Because I wouldn't know where to put them..
That being said, your friend should wife her up. If she does that for him AND you, I'd marry her, and I'm a straight girl.
I had someone coming in to my place to take showers and stuff. I'd come home and things I know I put in the bathroom were misplaced and sometimes the tub was wet.
Finally I plugged the tub and left for the day. I came home and it was lifted.
I never figured out who. Probably it was my ex. Otherwise it was a previous tenant or the maintenance man. It stopped after I had them replace the lock so if it was the maintenance man he must've moved on to the next place.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:05:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, and it's funny my girlfriends words were, "Okay whoever is doing this must think they won our trust by doing the laundry, so we'll eat their poison bread."
why would you change the locks? sounds like either a friendly ghost/squater or brownie infestation. pissing off either option seems inadvisable and kind of a waste.
This doesn't really seem that strange, just plain nice...it seems like you should have been able to figure out who it was sooner than that. Did her boyfriend not know that she was stopping by either? Seems like you could have just asked him what was up. If he didn't know, I can see how that may be strange and mysterious, but it doesn't sound like there was much communication going on. I'm not someone who would leave a note in that situation either, if I was her stopping by the apartment of my long-time significant other as if it was my home too and doing favors for the household. That seems like perfectly normal girlfriend behavior and not at all bothersome.
Wasn't bothersome, was great actually, just scary when you actually think for a while that someone is coming into your home without you knowing who. And yeah, I actually mentioned it to the friend as part of the weird mystery and he had no idea either. He actually thought it was funnier than I did when he found out. He phoned me and couldn't even get a word out he was just laughing into the receiver. Then he sort of half-assed apologized for forgetting to return her key. It was actually pretty heartwarming.
Cynoid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You poor soul. I dont see the creepy part bro. I read that as thoughtful. Too bad she wasted that thoughtfulness on someone who clearly doesnt appreciate it.
sounds like what drunk me would do a few years ago. I would come home from the bars, clean up my apartment (take trash out, do dishes, sweep, etc). Wake up feeling horrible to find a class of water and 2 tylenol and a clean apartment.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:23:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I lived with a friend of mine in a small apt, and a couple of my friends also had keys to our place. We lived downtown, near a few places where there were concerts and local live music venues. We gave them keys so they could crash at our place if they needed to, rather than drive home, which they took us up on a few times. Every once in a while, we'd come home, and the apt would be all clean, smell like girls, and music would be playing softly on the stereo.
We obv knew who it was, and it was super sweet of them.
You know, I'm less amazed by your story than the fact that you never once spoke to her about it. If that shit was happening to me, I'd be freaking out asking all of my friends what they thought
YUNoDie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Casper was doing your chores? Why would you question that? Should have pulled the ouija board out and maybe left some notes for things that you wanted the ghost to do, like "can you get some milk, we ran out." Could have had a good thing going
I honestly can say I wouldn't care. You got that freaked out because some dishes were done? Jesus christ you need a reality check and a creative thinking education
No I know what actual google fiber is, but I have a fucking virus that I had uninstalled from my laptop named Google Fiber that's gonna haunt me until the end of time.
Only incredibly old amish houses don't have electricity, at least around where I live. Building codes require the house to have electricity throughout, so its only the old farms that don't. In fact, a guy just built a house down the hill from me and they had the electricity turned on during construction then turned it off when they moved in.
I'm disappointed the spoon thing hasn't been mentioned.
Find a friend you want to mess with. When you're over at their house take all their spoons
Let said friend think somebody stole his spoons and nothing else
Friend will start to wonder if they're crazy and start questioning their sanity
Now here's the kicker
When you correspond with this friend via email, below your signature, put in white text "spoons" over and over. Doesn't have to be a lot but just make sure it doesn't become noticeable.
AdSense will start to pick up on these words and offer said friend advertisements about spoons, just adding more to the confusion
Eventually let friend know and hope they don't kill you...
huh. I almost never use FB messenger, and texting only when I'm like, sending a cat photo or trying to locate someone in a loud space.
I'm 38, for reference, so I didn't have a cell phone growing up, and even in college. Email was the hot thing when I was starting college, but I actually still wrote some physical letters back then, too, haha.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:11:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
fizz4m ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:04:43 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Im 26 and Snapchat confuses the shit out of me.
Tynach ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:09:23 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm 25 and use Hangouts, Telegram, or various other instant messaging platforms... Except Facebook's. Fuck Facebook. I trust them less than Google with my data.
I think geographic divide, too, because texting costs more in some places than the USA. By that, I mean, email and web-based communication are going to be more popular in some areas.
This is actually pretty ingenious if they use email still. Slowly the spoon dementia would overtake their mind until they are reduced to freebasing sterling silvers and feeling that sweet rush as the metal coats their veins
Invite them over for dinner. Give them a bowl with their spoon in it.
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:44:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd murder you right there
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:15:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex's mother used to accuse us of stealing plates and cutlery. We really hadn't done this, but she used to insist for days that we had done it to mess with her. She would then drop the subject supposedly after she had found them and not tell us where she located them. She really was losing her mind though. So, she used to hide it from herself while accusing everyone around her of trying to trick her into thinking that she was losing her mind.
Nice, I like the one you do to your spouse. Just switch the forks and spoons overnight.
[deleted] ยท 2350 points ยท Posted at 12:14:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Every morning taking a dump in their toilet.. and not flushing
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 1813 points ยท Posted at 12:16:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Would you consider doing that in one of the houses in the neighbourhood every morning, so you wouldn't always go to the same house? You'd become a serial shitter
[deleted] ยท 3127 points ยท Posted at 14:45:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
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monnii99 ยท 520 points ยท Posted at 14:56:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Imagine archeologists trying to decipher this in 200 years.
[deleted] ยท 454 points ยท Posted at 15:09:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[removed]
monnii99 ยท 648 points ยท Posted at 15:22:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Obviously it is a well thought out comment about the political climate at the time"
I watched a docu recently on an guy who was trying to decipher an ancient symbol based language. He was certain it was a recorded history of the people and would unlock several mysteries surrounding their customs, religion, etc.
"You can see the shit going into the white colored house. I believe it may have represented the futility of the voting session, and how both of the possible candidates are complete douchcunts and they had no chance of a positive outcome"
Mr. Bit was expressing the hostility of the political climate at the time. The hostility and deceptive actions not only between political candidates themselves but also towards the citizenry was, at the time, considered so terrible that it was analogous to the politicians depositing 10 foot mounds of feces around residential areas. The "vehicle" and "human being" glyphs at the end signify the desire of the politicians to "flee the scene" and absolve themselves of any responsibility for their wrongdoings.
So I used to write in a journal as a teenager and I'd imagine it being found 250 years later a la Anne Frank and then every high school kid would be required to decipher the weird codes I put in just for them... And they did have meaning because I was worried a sibling was reading it at the time so I had to clever.
GrethSC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:27:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's a Mel Brooks reference.
wombat1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:05:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shithouse, of course. The archeologists would assume the poster is Australian, it's a very common expletive here.
Cogz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:16:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
'This is quite basic, the brown bags represent bags of gold or money, denoting wealth, The building is obviously a place of ritual significance. What we see here is simple donations to a temple. TweekedJustABit obviously thought of himself as a deeply religious man.'
The houses look like they're shocked. Guess I would be too if someone was breaking into me and pooping.
Zardif ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:25:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I could see this as a Vince vaugn romcom movie. He poops in other people's houses, meets a girl, feels ashamed but can't stop. He keeps doing it in secret she finds out he promises to never do it again. He gets caught by the neighbors and has to spend a night in jail. She's pissed then they go through some ordeal to make them cost she threatens to leave yadda yadda yadda, and it ends with her so happy because she wakes up and finds poop in their toilet.
I'd upper decker one toilet over and over, and that will be George RR Martin's. It would build up in time, and by the time he thinks to look it'd be an edifice of feces. I'd call it the Tower of Joy
Dump a serving-size box of cereal in along with it so they argue whether it should be serial shitter or cereal shitter when they write up the police report.
My college dorm had a serial shitter who would randomly take a dump in the hallway... it pissed everyone off so bad. Half the kids ended up throwing their guts up.
vapir1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:35:28 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If he stole something before he leaves he would be considered a bandit. Then by robbing and shitting together. They can be call "The Shit Bandits". Unless it's in a hispanic neighborhood. Then they will be called "Los Shitto Banditos"
If you want to step it up a level, you can do a reverse shit (take a shit facing the wrong way aka The Koala) or you can take a shit in the cistern (aka an Upper Decker) so that every time they flush, more shitty water fills the toilet bowl.
I did an upper decker at a party once in highschool. The toilet was clogged with shit, piss, puke, the bathtub and sink were both also full of human expulsion. So I did the most logical thing. I took off the lid and unleashed hell into the upper tank.
I can only imagine the next morning when they went to clean up the bathroom.
I live in a flat and we ditched the door handle for a fixed knob outside. You still need a key to get inside but not to get outside. We still lock the door though.
A magical device that is often forgotten... I know I've stepped out several times thinking my keys were in my pocket and then had to go back when they weren't. Only you'd be stuck.
I personally use our garage though. It has a 6 number pin with a 1x2n second lockout, with n determined as tries since the last succesful code input
Zaculus ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:59:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's pretty creepy. Also, loving the "ร" in the second paragraph. I'm sure it was on accident, but it made me think there was some dirt on my phone's screen.
At least the burglar got to relive some happy memories of having some birthday cake and chocolate milk. Maybe the only time they got to have some birthday cake and chocolate milk combo. /cries I has FEELZ for this person in this false scenario! (mine, not yours)
degjo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:40:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My brother doesn't lock his door when he is taking a nap in his living room. He is a heavy napper
Coulsy ยท 55 points ยท Posted at 13:22:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly the excuse my brother wants me to believe.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:18:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Alternatively collect all the poop out of the cat litter every day before they get home for like a week so they get worried something is up with their cat, then take a massive dump in the litter box.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:04:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Fylgja ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:19:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dna is only useful if they have someone to match it to. Don't be a suspect and you're good to go.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:44:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I think this is something a lot of people forget about, even if it's obvious once they realize it. The cops having DNA evidence doesn't matter unless they already have your DNA in their system or suspect you of a crime, which they shouldn't if you have a clean record and didn't get caught doing this.
Someone beat you to this... There's an urban legend in South East Asia called the Oily Man or Orang Minyak. He is said to be a devil worshipper who practices black magic (or the demon himself) and needs to take the virginity of 40 girls to practice his demoncraft. To do so, he covers himself with black oil (hence the name Oily Man) so he would be hard to catch, as he slips into houses to rape girls or steal items. Sometimes he would leave his shit around to "prevent people from breaking his spell". My mom told me that when grandma was younger, her family fell victim to an Orang Minyak, because when she woke up there was a trail of black oil around the house, missing items and a mysterious piece of shit in her frying pan left out on the stove...
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 13:03:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You need to do a double decker. Taking a shit in the upper tank of the toilet, every time they flush it will be dirty.
Double decker is so much better though! You go both in the bowl and in the tank. They'll get to the toilet see the poop, flush, and then there's more poop!
I heard a story from a friend that worked at a train station that every morning he'd get on a train to clean it and there would be a turd placed squarely in the center of the fucking entrance way of the first carriage with a ยฃ5 note stuck in it. Every morning.
In Taiwan, when burglars break into an apartment building, but are unsuccessful @ getting into any of the apartments, they often shit in a hallway, stairwell or basement as their way of saying, "fuck you, i didn't get in, but ive left some shit for you"
note: I've only been told this, never actually seen it.
dcht ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:12:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've had that happen. My roomate and I came home to find a turd in the toilet and a bookbag by the door inside my apartment. We cleared the house and didn't find anyone, but after that one of us always armed when we were there.
Some years ago me and my mates went to Mallorca for springbreak. We had 4 rooms and every morning there was a mysterious excrement in one of the toilets and never no toilet paper, this happened 11 days in a row. The case is still open.
At my work I do this every few months in the womans washroom. The mens and womans washroom were side by side so I would take a nice loch ness monster shit in the girls toilet, and not wipe, then pull my pants up far enough to not touch my dirty asshole then waddle to the guys washroom to wipe my ass hoping no one would catch me.
Or, alternatively, hide a deuce in one shoe. Now the trick is, they'd immediately find out that there was a piece of shit just airing out in their house somewhere right? Wrong. What you do is you eat a bunch of fiber leading up to D(euce) Day. On the day of, you excrete a very solid log and dip it into hot wax a few times to get a scent impermeable layer around the dook. THEN you hide it in a shoe.
Grandfather kept finding deuces dropped in his toilet on the first floor and he though he kept using the toilet at night and forgot to flush. Possibility of Someone breaking in never occurred because they keep ground floor secured.
But turned out that one of his former employees (so he was familiar with the place) was spending the nights there in a part of the house where no one stays at night. When everyone's at sleep he'd climb a tree which would give access to the roof, then sneak into the first floor through a balcony. Then go number 2 in a toilet and won't flush because the noise will wake people. And finally fall asleep downstairs and leave before everyone wakes up.
Uncle was going downstairs and saw a pair of feet poking out from behind the furniture in a storage room one day. Turned out the guy overslept that day. Everyone was spooked for months and the guy ended up in jail because he had several other break in charges.
A buddy and I lived in an on-campus apartment sophomore year. We got the cops called one night (long story) and had to pay to replace our door and our neighbors (our door opened with a light kick if we left our keys inside; tried it to help neighbor who had done the same, destroyed door). Anyway that summer we were back and convinced they never even spent our money to fix our door, and sure enough we could kick it open. So my buddy decided to leave a nasty Taco Bell fueled deuce in the toilet before we left. But after he was done, we looked around and there were signs that someone was currently living there for summer classes. We left and felt kind of bad. They must've been pretty confused when they got home.
Joke's on you. My four year old does that every morning. Each time I go for my morning piss there's a log in the bowl that looks like it came from a Yokozuna.
Bizurns ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My kid half-ass flushes the toilet so this is not uncommon for us. He'd get blamed every time.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:14:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
wasn't there a guy on here that broke up with his girlfriend because his toilet didnt flush properly and he thought she was lying to him about not flushing the toilet which just led to a huge fight and them breaking up?
One time my friend came over to my house and pooped in our toilet. Later I went into the bathroom and the poop was still there. I flushed it, peed, flushed again, and then went to my friend and accused him of not flushing the toilet after pooping. He insisted that he had flushed the toilet, but I knew he was obviously lying because, duh, the poop was still in the toilet when I went into the bathroom after he did.
The next week my mom told me that the toilet had been having problems and would sometimes fail to flush properly. We had to get a new toilet shortly after that. So it turned out my friend had been telling the truth. However, I forgot to mention this the next time I saw him and apologize for accusing him of lying. He died in a car accident later that year and the biggest regret of my life is not apologizing to my friend for the pants-on-fire-toilet incident.
In my school we had a 'Phantom Shitter' years ago. Every so often a big shit was found on top of a toilet seat and it was driving the maintenance team mad. It turned out a group of students would at specific times leave class to do the deed. Needless to say it stopped once they were caught on cctv going into the toilets at the same time.
joosier ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You could pull a George Clooney: clean the litter box every day so that they think their cat is constipated or something and then, after a few weeks, take a huge dump in the litter box and leave it.
What you do is piss and shit in the water tank on the back of the toilet and then when they flush it will all come down into the bowl and they won't know what the fuck happened
b0ingy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
the worst apt I ever rented was above an old run down restaurant. The owner of the restaurant was my landlord, and the restaurant's manager was basically the super, and handled all the rent collection and tenant support as well as running the restaurant. Despite me explicitly telling them not to, they insisted on keeping their copy of my apt key in the register. After a few months of things seeming "off" around my apt, (glasses in the sink I didn't remember putting there, TV remote in a different position than where I left it, TV set to the wrong channel, food/drink missing from the fridge, etc.) I began to suspect that someone from the restaurant was using my apt while I was at work. It got to the point where I was taping a piece of thread across the inside of the doorway to see if anyone was coming in while I was away.
After MONTHS of this stupid cat and mouse game, I came home late one evening to find a "gift" in the toilet. Based on the shittiness of that restaurant, my guess is either that their bathroom wasn't working, or employee(s) just wanted a quiet place to poop, and they used my apt. as their break room. This one time, they took such a monster crap that it didn't flush.
I called a 24 hour locksmith changed the lock that night, deducted the cost from my rent the next month, and gave them a copy of the receipt along with an explanatory note.
When he had the gall to ask for a copy of the new key, I gave him a shiny new copy of my office building's bathroom key, which was a similar looking key. I found out later was also kept in the register. I figured the only way he was going to notice was if he tried to go in my apt while I was at work. He never said anything, but gave me seriously dirty looks whenever he saw me from then on.
TL;DR My super was using my apt for a quiet place to take a dump, watch tv and occasionally drink my beer.
Dark city. They don't just swap their houses, they swap their memories. You could be dirt poor one moment and then dining in a mansion the next and you would have no idea anything had happened
A similar concept was also explored in a danish book called "See the Light of Day" (direct translation, not sure if it has ever been translated), in which people changed address and life every night. They woke up in a new bed, in a new house with a new family and job, with only their name and whatever they could fit into their "personal suitcase" as remaining from the day before. Pretty good book.
Someone in a previous comment suggested replacing all the batteries in all the remote controls with Tootsie Rolls, to sort of soften the blow. They've been appearing in other responses randomly since then. To sort of soften the blow I guess.
Only steers and queers come from Texas, and I don't see any horns on you!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:47:41 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Holy dogshit Texas! Only steers and queers come from Texas Private Cowboy! And you don't much look like a steer to me, so that kind of narrows it down! Do you suck dicks?
OR, if they have a kid that is getting potty trained, shit in the tiny pottys made for them and bribe the kid to call their parents once you're done and gone
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:41:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If they've got little kids then they're possibly used to that already. Congratulations, you just got a little kid in trouble for something they actually didn't do this time.
I actually had a college friend that did that. Our other friend, the cat owner was super confused for a bit and because he was a first time car owner kept asking other cat owners if it was normal for a 6 month old kitten to take dumps half their size. The shitter finally came clean much to the disgust of the cat owner who had to poop scoop his friends shit out of the litter box.
If there was a litter box at a party we went to, my friend would take a dump in it. Like clockwork, word would get around that the owner of the cat that used said litter box has taken the cat to the vet because there was something wrong with said cat's shit. Imagine the embarrassment of the owner when the vet tells the owner that it's human shit. Classic.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:31:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OMG KITTY!
MorrisM ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:50:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OMG, there was this story recently on reddit: when being 13 yrs old, some guy took a poop in his aunt's cat litter box for no reason and after finding the giant dump, they took the cat to the vet and they found out it had cancer and then they treated it and it long survived after.
Senuf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:02:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why is it "take a shit" when you clearly are not taking it but depositing it?
My brother did this to my sister's cat's litter box. When my step-dad walked by and saw it he exclaimed, "What in the sweet loving fuck are you feeding that cat!?"
George Clooney did that to his roommate. First he cleaned roommate's cat litter box clean for like two weeks so they started to worry something is wrong with the cat and took him to the doctor who prescribed the cat some medicine. Next morning George laid a huge deuce in cats litter box which apparently created a real wtf moment of tears and joy.
I've been reading these answers out loud to my husband who doesn't seem amused by any of them until I read this one... I look over and he's silently cracking up to himself...... He said, "ahh that's a good one."
Well done.... You made my stoic husband laugh today.
KendaIl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:07:17 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The best one yet!
gambola ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:47:57 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My friend's husband did this once. He is now known as kitty litter shitter. Forever.
yeooooo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:40:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In first year of uni we were given rape alarms, which we set off and tied them to lampposts, throw them on balconys of other students because we were cunts.
[deleted] ยท 68 points ยท Posted at 14:02:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:20:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Am I the old cat owner who's cats have no interest in toilet paper? Seriously I have even tried to get them to bat at it and they just look at me, their eyes full of disdain and boredom.
Totally depends on the cat's personality. Mine has no interest in the toilet paper when its on the roll, but hold a strip up in the air and she bats at it with wild abandon. Also loves to chase empty toilet paper rolls around the floor, which is especially hilarious when she gets it stuck on her leg.
My cat has never done that, my 9 month old, on the other hand, does it every time my 3 year old leaves the door open.
M3mph1s ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 15:28:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Never understood people who let cats in their bathrooms. Towels, TP, toothbrushes, medicine, so much stuff the cat could eat/destroy. Not to mention when the cat falls halfway in the toilet while drinking (or walks around the wet shower to lick the walls) then runs around the house, getting everything wet.
My cat doesn't do any of that. He just lays on the tank of the toilet when I'm in the shower or at my feet when I take a dump. Beyond that the only time he goes into the bathroom is at night in the winter since it's the room I keep warmest.
You must have had a bad cat experience.
M3mph1s ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:20:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, not really. I've just lived with like a dozen different cats, so I've observed a lot of cat-isms. They like to drink fresh water/water that isn't theirs. Showers, toilets, toothbrushes are all open game. Had a kitten that fell into the toilet drinking once and left (clean) toilet water paw prints everywhere. Every time a cat gets into something dangerous or annoying, I make note to try to not let it happen again. One would open drawers/cupboard doors, so even medicine was a risk. Easier to just shut the door, especially if you don't have to worry about walking in on others.
Just realized at your feet while you dump probably means you don't share a bathroom, at least not with roommates or anything. So that probably helps.
Funny enough, unrolling TP has been the ONE thing I don't think I've ever had a cat do.
lengau ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:23:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What sort of imbecile cats have you had? My cats don't unravel the toilet paper (actually one did out of sheer boredom when he was accidentally locked in the bathroom all night, but that's the only incident), don't mess with the stuff on the counter, and don't open the cabinets or drawers in the bathroom.
M3mph1s ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:11:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Towels look like claw posts, I guess? They don't really hurt them, just pull them onto the floor and get them hairy. We had two cats that would lick/chew toothbrushes, either for the toothpaste taste if it wasn't clean, or the water left in the bristles.
Only had one that would open drawers, but once he figured it out, he'd do it EVERYWHERE. The ones with child locks come open like an inch, then thud shut loudly in the middle of the night, sounding like a robber. We locked up medicine and stuff when we realized he could get into something dangerous and hurt himself.
Edit: Also had next level imbecile cats, don't get me wrong.
How the heck could you keep them out? I guess you could shut the door to the bathroom 24/7 but then you never know if it's occupied or not.
I just realized, I don't understand people who keep cats out of their bathroom lol.
M3mph1s ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 17:16:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Am I the only one around here with bathroom doors? Lol. Unless your roomates go to the bathroom in the dark, it's not difficult to tell, or knock..
Even "good" cats can get into things that car hurt themselves. I've seen/heard about it before and don't want to end up being an example after my cat eats a bottle of Asprin or something. Which reminds me, my cat would open drawers/cupboard doors, hence the extreme proofing needed.
Right? We're non-native to the South so it's always been supremely weird to me. How does this furniture not become absolutely disgusting from weather exposure?
Yep. The odds of one hitting a specific place are astronomical but they actually happen all the damn time during late spring/early summer and can pop up (down?) any time of year. The storm that rolled through Northern IL last week I think had 7 confirmed touchdowns and it wasn't the first round of them this year. Had a small one 2 months ago go through my parents back yard and take the roof of the farmers market across the street from the place I used to work. Gas station I'd stopped at before a few times got wrecked by one earlier this week and we've had two F4s within a 15 minute drive in the last 10 years, one of which took out multiple friends/friends parents/co-workers houses. Now you'd think with all this I'd be a little more cautious about warnings but nope, I'm just like all the other midwest gomers who go stand outside when the sirens go off. If I can see the clouds, I know when to worry and when not to worry.
I said where I live. I do live in the South, and it's not uncommon to see living room furniture on a front porch. And I'm not talking trailer parks; just normal (admittedly, usually a little less than classy) houses.
The South is a big place. I suppose you should count yourself lucky that your area doesn't consider a couch or easy chair appropriate front porch furniture.
Have you ever set on a couch on a nice summer day on your front porch? I can tell you, it is pretty sweet. My grandma had a porch couch and I loved it.
I've lived in different places throughout Tennessee and Kentucky. Can confirm: in some places, couches and the like on porches are the norm. They're not generally ritzy places to live, but its common in the poorer, rural regions.
Go the extra mile and place all their indoor decorations, fixtures, etc outside.
Place fake lawn and soforth inside.
Hang a framed set of instructions for toothpicks inside.
This is best done while homeowners are on vacation.
M3mph1s ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:56:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have access to enough astroturf to do a small apartment or large living room. Some sand, beach chair, and water in the middle. TV, Netflix playing, sofa and carpet all suspended above the pool.
Leave letters addressed to someone in the house, from Hogwarts, telling them they've been accepted. Each night, increase the number of letters, until eventually I just dump a sack of papers across their loungeroom floor and fling owl shit all over the place.
You can buy owl pellets online for science. It's much grosser then shit. It's essentially owl vomit. They're the bones and fur that don't get digested in a gross wad.
ReiNGE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:58:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i remember dissecting those in middle school science class, fk those things
I butter all their bread and then stick the slices in various places: on the floors, ceilings, walls, in books, in the letterbox, on their pets, inside their grandmother.
idk why, but this just made my day. probably because i just had the mental audio of jacksepticeye singing "one of these things is not like the other" during one of his old prop hunt videos.
Oh, our old 17 year old one, almost as old as I am, decided to put itself through trial by fire when I looked away for a few seconds. Shame I didn't get a picture, but the giant flame was fantastic.
When I was about 12 or so, I put buttered bread in the toaster and caught the kitchen cabinets on fire. My parents had just finished having the kitchen remodeled about a month prior. Oops.
We used to do something similar in the fraternity house but with potatoes. It was a game between the older brothers that lived out of the house (mostly only sophomores lived in the house) to see who's potato would take the longest to get discovered. One was in the back of a toilet for two years
Or butter the bread and stick them back in the loaf
Hyhena ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:22:51 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"On the floors, ceilings, walls, in books, in the letterbox." That is fine but the last two made me reread this sentence more than once.
bboi83 ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 14:58:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Letterbox? You mean "mailbox." #Murica
oograh ยท 151 points ยท Posted at 14:33:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Draw a pentagram on the floor of the kitchen with salt, put candles around it, and set the goofiest kinck-knack they have in the middle. Then, every day for a month, buy a replica of the kinck-knack and put the replica in random places each night. If they get rid of the original knick-knack, put the replica in a pentagram like the first day.
I've literally had to do this before, I mean it was just framing, not a full wall yet, and then the designer/ boss gets a different idea, and we move it now 2 inches the other way... Unbelievable, good thing I get paid by the hour.
Venoft ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:34:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
An early Christmas present for the neighbours to the right.
naw1423 ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 16:54:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A society of skeptics usually doesn't believe in ghosts or other supernatural phenomena. This person, head of a society of skeptics, will either believe he has gone insane or will begin to believe in ghosts or other supernatural phenomena. Believing you have gone insane is usually an unpleasant experience, as is sincerely questioning your own deeply-held beliefs.
"Why?"
"Stealth Carpentry. Breaking into a house at night and moving windows, adjusting walls, ECT." Also link that goes to actual xkcd comic with alt text
Alt text:
"I bet he'll keep quiet for a couple weeks and then-- wait, did you nail a piece of scrap wood to my antique table a moment ago?"
Randall adds in another joke or comment about the comic as the title of the image, so you can read it by scrolling over it on desktop. So if you're only getting the image you're not quite getting the full comic.
Fuck yes, I was surprised this wasn't posted when I first looked at the thread. I was about to post after ctrl+f yielded nothing for pineapple but checked your pic and sure enough greentext.
Now this one takes dedication since you would be in it for the long haul. Also, this would work best if you pick a house share or student accommodation to break in to.
What you need to bring is milk, that is it. The next step is to re-fill the existing milk in the fridge, assuming they have some. If they don't you can just leave the whole carton you brought with you.
Now do this for a long period of time, the longer the better. If it's students then until they're about to move out. Just keep filling up the milk/replacing the carton so it is always in date.
Then you stop breaking in, just leave it. They will soon run out of milk for the first time in months or years - depending on your level of dedication. Then they finally ask the other people living there why they stopped buying milk, and then comes the wonderful confusion you've been waiting for and probably won't even get to witness.
Back in the factory days, one of my grandfather's friends bought a brand new chevy nova, and apparently he wouldn't shut up about how great it's gas mileage was supposed to be. So every day at lunch, his buddies would sneak out to the parking lot and top off the gas tank. They did this for weeks. Car owner guy was loving life, walking with a spring in his step every day. Then, the secret refills stopped. Next thing you know, Nova owner takes the car into the dealership with a complaint about how rapidly it's drinking gas...must be a bad carburetor. Mechanic couldn't find anything wrong, but ultimately the car was traded in for a loss of almost $3,000
jfb1337 ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 21:35:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, did your Grandfather know my Dad? He and some work buddies did this to a guy back in the early 1960's. At that time gas was only 31ยข per gallon. My Dad added that after a few weeks they also started siphoning a gallon a week from the guy's tank. The victim did take his car to a mechanic who found nothing wrong. The guys had to 'fess up before it went any further. In the "factory days" most cars cost under $3,000 brand new.
Would you actually be able to identify a random meat as crocodile? I imagine it would just look like beef or chicken as every meat seems to be one or the other.
If I get down to a half gallon, and you refill it, there is still half older milk. Then if it goes back down to half, and you refill it, we're still at one quarter of the original milk. For me, this would now be three weeks old. If you continue the cycle, then there is always a little bit of the original.
That's what I mean.
Also, this is how they make tootsie rolls. They always break off a little bit and put it in the next batter. So every tootsie roll you eat has a tiny bit of the original mix, or whenever they first started doing this.
If the home owner had a Christmas tree they store somewhere when it's not being used throughout the year (the fake ones, not legit trees), I'd get it out, put their decorations on and wrap it in lights. They'll then wake up in the middle of the night or the next morning to a Christmas tree, fully set up. It's June, why is the Christmas tree up? That will confuse them.
They pack it away, still confused, and don't think about it again. That is until the next night.
The next night, you get that damn tree out again, decorate it and put it somewhere else, but this time you place a single present under it. The present is to the home owner with no name saying who it was from. Inside the box is...
Absolutely nothing.
This will continue for a few nights, adding a couple more empty presents each time, further confusing and frustrating them. Until the final night.
The final night, there is but one present under the tree. The box is heavier than usual, so they don't throw it out. Aside from a brick used to give the box some weight, there is only a letter inside.
The letter reads "Come outside, your present is waiting!"
The home owner walks outside and before there eyes is...
All their fucking Halloween decorations covering their house.
"For thousands of years people prayed to Vishnu, Brahman and Shiva, to Abraham, the Holy Spirit, and Allah. And what do they have to show for it?
I pray to Santa and I'm good for goodness sakes, and every Christmas I get presents."
LTman86 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:00:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"So what does it mean, now that all our Halloween ornaments are on the lawn?"
"All Hallow's Eve celebrates the day the veil between this world and the next is thin enough to allow spirits to roam the Earth. Clearly the spirits are telling us to give treats instead of tricks to trick-o-treaters."
"Should we change the locks? Or install an alarm system? Or set up a nanny cam? Or sleep on the couch with a baseball bat?"
"Nah, I'm just going to keep knotting up those christmas lights worse and worse for him to untangle. It's cute he thinks he's the one fucking with us."
You say that, but when I was fixing cable I had an old woman whose house I went to multiple times. She swore up and down someone was breaking into her house to unplug things and leave. I'm sure she was just getting a bit senile, but she believed it, and still slept.
joopez1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:35:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"What if this is just some really smart kids pulling a prank on us? Next they'll be putting out our Halloween decorations out or maybe worse"
"No, honey, no one's gonna go through the effort to set up all our Halloween decor"
Only after 20+ minutes of links did I realize the meaning of the "hold my [something], I'm going in!" comments.
Hold my midnight snack, I'm going back in!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:24:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I can absolutely guarantee that someone could do this in my house and set up all of our annoying musical decorations and I wouldn't even stir. And when I finally got up, I would probably assume my wife did it because she got caught up in watching that Christmas In July bullshit on Hallmark Channel.
I have five cats. If someone broke into our home and put up a Christmas tree, the cursing as they tried to stop three of the cats from leaving them alone and leaving the ornaments alone will wake us up. Kitten will get underfoot because she is one of those, "Can I see?? Can I help?! What can I do?! Let me help!! I need to smell it!!1"
I was just in this situation. Scary, prepared to the max and mentally as well. Prepared me for my instinctual reaction. Calmest I've ever been in my life and focused. But even with all that, I was no where near prepared for the wave of anxiety and emotion that comes out if no where. I'm a very rational, logical, empathetic, and am the rock for everyone. I don't like showing weakness or getting caught up on things that can't be changed.
I was watching Independence day at the theater and out of fucking nowhere I had a panic attack. Idk wtf why. Then boom , gone.
Sorry for venting, this was under 47 hours ago and I'm still processing
I was in a self defense situation less than 47 hours ago. I had every legal right to shoot the person who was fighting me to gain further entry into my home. The entire time I had full control of my weapon (door half open, pushing to get him out) I even warned him and he still kept pushing, then runn I ng off after he saw the decision was made in my face/eyes, idk I'm still processing it.
I don't care who you are, you will hesitate in your mind and not want to shoot someone if it's your first time. I feel fine, but have sudden anxiety attacks now. Will get over it but, I never thought the decision that I always thought was pretty easy, would be so difficult to make.
Sorry for venting. I'm having to be the rock for everyone right now.
frinqe ยท 857 points ยท Posted at 14:34:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"what the fuck are you doing with my Christmas tree!?"
As someone who just had to fight off a home invasion less than 48 hours ago, is disabled, and had my gun drawn and threatened to shoot, this infuriates me. I'm do happy I live in a state where I can defend my family and prioritize my family's safety over some asshole fighting me to gain further entry.
Legario ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:37:14 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm surprised he got murder. His house was broken into TEN TIMES by a guy who got arrested 29 TIMES and he gets arrested? What kind of stupid backward logic is this? "Retribution for the break ins?" What about self defense? Are you supposed to sit idly by for the 10th time some random men are rummaging through your house?
I hear ya. The only reason I can think of for such backwards laws is the fact that people that make them or preach them, have no sense of reality.
Legario ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:49:05 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe it's because I grew up in Southern America, but I'm pretty sure if you look at any point in human history before 1900 nobody would bat an eye if you killed a criminal breaking into your house (barring a royal stealing your shit). I respect life as much as the next guy, but if somebody broke into my house a number of times in the double digits I'd feel scared and paranoid as well. That was completely justified.
Well I hope they are smart enough to catch him after the first night. Hope I'm not the only one who would be waiting the goof with a shotgun while rocking in my chair puffing on a blunt.
Am I the only one that, after coming downstairs to find the Christmas tree setup fully with all its light, wouldnt just put it away and not think about it?! Sod that I'd be changing my locks
"The christmas tree in the break room? Don't take it down. that's SCP-N1CK. When one guy kept moving it, he eventually got sixteen kinds of ball cancer. So... don't mess with that tree... leave the tree be."
this is the best explanation of adult existence I've ever read. the philosophy books should all say this. "there's no meaning at all bc it's all just one long illogical fuckfest!" - Camus, Sartre, Nietzsche, Kierkegaard, Hume, Kant, and Plato.
bmacc ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:43:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hrmph? That's curious. Honey, take care of this, we have reservations.
Also I'm lazy so I'd probably end up leaving it out for two months and then deciding to just leave it out until Christmas at that point. Thanks for the help I guess.
What are you gonna do about it? Call the police? If you're white they'll say that's why you have a christmas tree up in June. If you're black you better prepare your funeral before you go to them.
See, I was agreeing with the first sentence, but mostly because I'd be like, goddammit that's going to take me half the day to take down. Fuck it, it's Christmas now.
I mean. I probably would change the locks, but fuck if I'm putting away the tree. Those things take forever to get it back in their boxes, no way in hell am I doing that more than once a year. It'll just have to be Christmas season for the next 6 months.
Day six, the burglar breaks in, goes for the box with the Christmas tree in it. Lugs it all the way downstairs and then opens it to find you with a shotgun waiting for him
I would definitely assume it was ghosts. I don't even believe in ghosts and that would be my immediate assumption, especially after it happened multiple times.
Yeah after the first night a Christmas tree spontaneously reassembles in my living room I am going to buy a camera, if for no other reason than to watch a fucking Christmas tree spontaneously reassemble
Middle of July....close enough. I'd just leave it up. I don't even take mine down 'til February anyway, because it's such a cumbersome pain in the butt.
I have a 12 foot tree. Go ahead. Yeah it's 6 months early, but you just saved me the mental breakdown I'd have come Dec.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:57:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If I woke up in the middle of June and found my Christmas tree in my living room, I would just assume that I never put it away and didn't notice for 6 months.
ZippoS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:58:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Those are some heavy sleepers living in that house.
Enth3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:03:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If the home owner had a Christmas tree they store somewhere when it's not being used throughout the year (the fake ones, not legit trees), I'd get it out, put their decorations on and wrap it in lights.
I saved you some time Mr. Burglar, it's prelit. Happy Holidays!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:11:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Still better than the movie "Krampus"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:13:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You keep setting up the tree until it's actually Christmas time, and then of course you start taking it down and putting it back in the attic.
zpowell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:14:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've been working too much and not sleeping enough lately. I got off the train on Friday and the bar right by the stop had put up its tree and Christmas decorations. I thought I was going crazy until I remembered it was exactly halfway until Christmas Eve on Friday. This story is only tangentially related.
Day 1
July, the month of Hot Dogs, Fireworks and Swimming. There was not a flake of snow all across the United States of America.
So why the fuck was my christmas tree set up in the middle of my fucking living room?
My christmas tree was a small fake tree. Standing at about 3 feet tall. With enough space at the bottom for a few gifts, and there was one perfectly wrapped box at the bottom. I opened it up to find an empty box. Oh well.
Did I do this in a drunken fit of spontaneous action? I asked myself as I walked over to my fridge to confirm my actions. Apparently not. Seeing as how only 2 beers were missing.
Iโm not going to think about it anymore, might as well take it down.
Day 2
Why is it here again? I swear on all that is fucking holy I did not get drunk last night. So why the fuck is my tree here again? 2 empty boxes this time.
Am I going insane? Have I already become insane?
Should I tell someone?
Day 5
For the last 5 days someone has been tormenting me. Leaving one extra box the next day. Tonight I intend to guard the front door of my house with my rifle and a cup of joe.
I have indeed confirmed that I am not going insane, How? Someone must have knocked over a photo of my father on top of the coffee table, When I woke up I found flat on the table.
I will catch this thief today. I absolutely will.
Day 6 apparently I fell asleep last night while on guard. I woke up today, unfortunately, to find my christmas tree set up with 6 empty boxes underneath it.
Goddamnit I will catch this burglar once and for all.
Day 11
I can't tell anyone what is going on. 11 boxes today. They seem to be adding up by day. I have changed the locks. Stayed on guard both day 5 and 8. But to no avail. I keep falling asleep.
If I tell anyone what is going on, they will throw my in the loony bin for sure.
Day 12
Today I found just 1 box under the tree. It seemed a bit heavy, when I opened it I found some brick and a letter laying on top. Finally, something from my mysterious visitor.
โLook outside.โ Was the only thing it said. I dropped the letter and dashed over to the window. I opened the blinds to see a fake skeleton hanging from my tree by a noose.
Oh god no.
I ran to my front door and slammed it open, triggering the proximity based gravestone that I use for Halloween.
My entire yard was decorated in halloween decorations.
Not one corner was left untouched.
I slowly walked back into my house not bothering with the door. I walked over to my phonebook in a vain attempt to contact my psychiatrist.
So how did I do? I don't usually write that often, but this seemed to spark something within me.
I like the idea of this one, but it's not subtle enough. It would be obvious someone or a friend broke in and messed with your stuff. I don't think this would cause anyone to lose their mind unless they were already insane.
They pack it away, still confused, and don't think about it again.
That doesn't make sense tho, they'd think they had a home invasion by crazies, which would be correct
clg82 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:23:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like this is such an elaborate story that you've thought about this before? Which isโฆwellโฆawesome!!!
khat96 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you did this to my house, then the halloween decoration part would take some time. My dad has homemade gravestones, a fence he made, a skeleton wrapped in half melted saran wrap and painted with wood varnish (looks like decomposed flesh), webs, a homemade lil goblin dude, Napoleon Boneyparts (a little skeleton), a system that makes lightening and thunder (speakers rigged to a light box), and a fog system with home made chillers. If you could set all that shit up and not lose track of all the extension cords, he'd probably just laugh.
Better yet, space out putting up the tree and take things they already own for the gifts! Like they're favorite mug or car keys. They spend a day or so looking for it only to receive it as a gift
Dude, I was watching Game of Thrones (the "Hold the Door" episode) when my laptop decided that the climactic scene at the end of the episode was the prime opportunity to update to Windows 10. It took two days for the damn thing to "update" and then I finally got to finish the episode. I've never been so pissed off at a piece of technology.
My only real issue with it, is then when I close my laptop, it puts it to sleep ( typical I know, but keep following) and to wake it up, I open it and just tap the space-bar. It wakes up, then goes immediately back to sleep, but only most of the time, sometimes it actually stays on. It's so frustrating and annoying, I just woke you up, why won't you stay up you asshat. Then I gotta wait 15 seconds and talk the space-bar again. First world problems I know, but shit is it annoying.
I've had a password on my computer for basically no reason for a while now. Was thinking of taking it off to save me 5 seconds everyday. I will no longer be able to ever remove my password. You monster.
Install new hard drive.
Install any Linux distro you want
Auto run a Script that selects a random number.
If even load Windows 10
If odd load Mac OS
Leave a number for any PC tech to call so you can fill them in on the joke.
Techs then claim they have no idea what's wrong.
Repeat with each additional new computer.
Hah, the Pirated 8.1 I have install doesn't have the correct drivers for the laptop. Nor do they exist for anything above 7. I'm actually kinda confused how it's running 8. Help. And Good luck.
No! NO! My PC did this to me a couple weeks ago and it's been a nightmare. "Oh, what's this thing you call a wireless internet adapater? I'm just going to not recognize it. And freeze all the windows that pertain to it so you can't even troubleshoot it. Enjoy Windows 10!"
I did this with rice once. The package said 2 1/2 cups of water so instead of two AND a half cups I filled up the half cup up with water twice and put it in. I came out of my room to see smoke billowing out of the microwave and my brother sitting on the couch not noticing shit. The apartment smelled like burnt shit until we left
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:25:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
45 minutes should do it.
mike413 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:45:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ok, that reminds me of high school. There was a radiator in one of the stairwells and one winter day when it was toasty warm, some kid pissed on it. aromatic!
Can you go into more detail about this key drawer? Asking for a friend.
Nyrb ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 16:25:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Key drawer?
sintyre ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:10:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This would be detrimental. My wife has never put anything back in its spot, and it used to drive me nuts. It still does but it used to too, only now I've accepted it. There are two places a thing could be after she's used it: On or in her desk / her area, or in the exact opposite place of where it should be. If I can't find it on her desk I think "where should this thing not be?" And I usually find it there. Never once have I thought "I'll check where its supposed to be" because that would be a wasted effort. If you put the nail clippers back in the key drawer, I'd never find them.
Also called a "junk drawer". My family fills up the junk drawer with all of the little miscellaneous things that dont have a place. Extra furniture pads, paper clips, stickers left over from garage sales, erasers that made it through our time in school, tape, rubber bands, and more. It was super hard to find anything for my family.
I did that with the first RC TV we ever got. My older brother didn't know it was RC. So I stood outside the window and changed the chanel every 45 seconds. I would also turn the volume up and down randomly to where he would have to get up and fix the volume. The giggles finally gave me away.
Or to be more subtle, when you sneak in late at night you turn the volume on the TV up to full so that when they turn it on in the morning it blasts at them.
Set it to PC, turn volume all the way up, mute, turn to TV, wait for that one second break between commercials, unmute and quickly turn off TV. Have done this before at neighbors house :)
I don't know how many TVs are like this, but with mine, you could skip the last part. If I mute my TV, then turn it off, it's not muted when I turn it back on - it's at whatever volume it was last set to.
And now I'm suddenly afraid one of you bastards is going to find out where I live.
LTman86 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:06:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We would never! Don't you know that we care about you too much to do something like that? I mean, just the other day, I helped picked up a package for you and just need to bring it over. It's just that I had your address on my phone and it was stolen the other day so could you send me your address again so I can get that to you?
Buy a universal remote, find someone that mutes commercials, start unmuting commercials, but not unmuting the actual show. People will be pissed, and think the TV manufacturer is taking bribes from the advertisers.
Unfortunately this might have worked better 15 years ago.
Whenever my TV is on mute, I can put the volume down as much as I like. But if I hit volume up, the muting ends. It's been this way through multiple TVs.
On most android phones, you can do that with an app called Peel Smart remote. My galaxy s5 has an IR blaster, and i may or may not have used it to change everyones tv to the Mexico Movie channel.
I use mine at the pub every week to slowly drop the volume on the TV while the football is on. I join in with people complaining about it to deflect any suspicions, but I just do it because I can't stand football... or football fans.
b4ux1t3 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:14:55 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
because I can't stand football... or football fans.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:25:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in high school, I owned a Palm Pilot that had an IR blaster. One summer we went to Six Flags and while we were standing in line for a coaster, they had all these TVs playing ads for stuff in the park. I changed the channel to a baseball game and the crowd went nuts.
I use my old phone for it, but most of the time I'll just use the actual remote. It's just kind of a pain in the ass to have my old phone there and charged.
That's the only thing I miss about my s5, is the IR blaster. My best memory of using that was at the dining hall of my university, there were TVs on the wall. I was looking at a TV across the room that some guys were sitting under, and I saw they changed the channel. That's when I got the idea I should mess with them and change it back. This went back and forth between us for a couple minutes. They were laughing and looking around trying to figure out who it was. After a while, I ended and aknowleged it was me by waving and holding up my phone when they were looking my direction.
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 12:23:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe add a decoy remote with only half the batteries in it? That's multiple levels of confusion
There's a similar example to this in Steve Wozniak's biography where he made a device which could interfere with the TV signal.
He'd go to a community TV room and turn the device on, and then when people started doing random things with the aerial he would turn the device off. Over time everyone started doing weird rituals to get the TV signal working.
We used to do this a lot back at my hometown neighborhood. We bought a universal remote and would stay outside some random person's house. Then we would switch the channel and watch them make a freaked-out-confused face.
Nah, just download an app on your phone and change the channels on their set top box to stuff like Gospel if they're atheist, Gay chat if they're homophobic or just straight up Porn.
A friend of mine did something similar. His family recently got an Apple TV thing, which he connected his phone to. His sister didn't realize she should hook her phone up to it, and was just using the remote. Upon realizing that his sister didn't know people could control the TV with their phones, he started randomly changing the channel on her from his room. She was convinced the house was haunted. Actually, as far as I know, this still happens. She might still think their house is haunted.
You can get an IR blaster for pretty cheap. Put one hidden underneath his couch or something and change the TV channels from anywhere.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:43:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have actually had a few cases of this happening - my wife and I watching TV when suddenly the volume drops or the channel changes.
I have no idea why this happens but it's been going on for years now, so either someone is awesome at the long game, or we have random IR in our house?
When I was about 15 my brother did this, to add he also fucked with the volume, and powered it off. He would wait until i sat back down and do something else. Went on for about 30 minutes until I ran outside crying thinking my house was possessed and quickly tripped over his laughing ass holding the remote on our front porch.
One night, I went to bed, and my husband was still watching.... I think it was Bob's Burgers in the living room. I was having trouble sleeping, so I decided to mess with him. I connected to the chromecast with my phone, and rewinded the program by 10 seconds every 20 to 30 seconds. It took him about five minutes to realize it was me, and not the internet lagging.
We used to do stuff like that to mess with our kids. It's all fun and games until you switch cartoons with ghost hunters and they have to sleep in your bed for 2 weeks.
[deleted] ยท 238 points ยท Posted at 12:34:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Funny enough he has a joke about this very subject that's not awful, you bust down the door but don't steal anything you just make them wonder what you took.
why not just completely skip over kicking in a door that isn't locked and leaving a lava lamp, or is that part just not relevant enough for you, you monster
I hosted a party some years ago and a lot of people i didn't know showed up. Friends of my friends and all that. The next day i found a giftbag, hidden behind my tv, containing Rednex's cd singel Cotton Eyed Joe. Wierd, but somewhat thoughtful i guess.
yur_mom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:46:40 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Don't worry there are literally dozens us of here on Reddit. I got the cd Retaliation as a gift when it first came out and did enjoy it at the time. Not sure if that was the peak of his career or he stayed funny, but Reddit tells me he is horrible.
My mother did this to my OCD uncle. He's an asshole... My mother did it as revenge. He rearranged his alphabetized canned fruits and vegetables. He, my uncle, divorced his wife after that. We like her more... and she's better off.
We do this to my grandma every so often. It started when we were cleaning up after a family gathering. We were always annoyed by the silverware being in that drawer. So we switched it with the kitchen towels drawer. After lots of complaining and several months, we were all used to the new drawer arrangement. A few months later grandma went out of town. So we switched the drawers back and drove everyone crazy. Once everyone was used to it... Switched them again.
Apparently I accidentally do this every time I put dishes away- drives my girlfriend insane.
Shad786 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:39:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I moved from my parents house, where the cutlery goes spoons -> forks -> knives (left to right), to a place where the cutlery went forks -> spoons -> knives (again, left to right).
I spent the first 3 months eating soup with a fork.
[deleted] ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 14:46:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
9bikes ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:29:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace their clothes with the same clothes, but different sizes.
Someone must be doing that to me, my clothes are all slowly getting too small.
I did this to my flat mate in university when he was being an arsehole.
Josh used to leave his dorm room door unlocked every time he went to class, and most of the time, his PC would be logged into his profile. When Josh went to class one day, after a huge argument where he really hurt me, I went ahead and wandered into his room.
The first thing I did was take a screenshot of his desktop and set it as his background. I removed all of the icons that were already there, so he just had an unclickable, static image. Knowing that Josh wasn't particularly tech-savvy, I simply created a very easy script in notepad that would shut down the computer when opened, named it "open me", and placed it next to one of the static desktop icons. He found it and freaked out; never figured out who it was, but did figure out that the background was just a screenshot.
Another time, I replaced the songs from his library with dubstep snippets, just renaming them based on his most played songs. He did a system restore for that one.
Normally I would feel guilty, but Josh was a dick.
If they don't have a cat, leave a litter box with a few turds and appropriate scratch marks in it.
Then they get to spend an hour searching for a cat they never had.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:50:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep in their beds and set out three bowls of porridge.
Hyhena ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:28:35 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I put move the litter box to a completely different place without showing the cat so the cat is confused and using the bathroom in the regular spot. (I don't own a cat so this might be stupid.)
First of all, it would be a bit dangerous for a non-professional. Okay, a lot dangerous. So don't. SOMEONE's getting electrocuted, either you or the person you'd be "pranking", and you'd need to remove a lot of drywall to do it, so it's less "while they're asleep" and more "you're housesitting for them for a month".
But in theory, you wire the dial on the shower with a broken circuit, one side going to a power source inside the wall (battery matching the doorbell's voltage), the other side of the broken circuit goes into a pulse detector, and then into the doorbell (don't want it pressed in the entire time showering, just a poke when they start). The broken section of the circuit would have the wires set to touch each other when the dial is turned. So one is attached to the dial, the other floating a tiny bit away. You turn the dial, it turns the wire, the wire touches the other wire, completes the circuit, goes through the wire from the battery, hits the pulse detector, which detects a change in current and sends a single pulse down the line, then the doorbell rings once.
Waterproof Audio sensor hidden in the bathroom/shower, set to remotely activate the doorbell.
Would require some programming and some testing, but if you can't patch a wall, this may be a suitable alternative because it'd ring the doorbell when you flushed the toilet or used the hairdryer too.
A friend of mine actually did something similar to my sister on accident, she asked him to fix the doorbell but he messed something up that made it ring at random intervals.
Unplug their phone charger from the wall - It's plugged in but not charging.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:13:58 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My gf already does this on. She says the charger constantly sucks a phantom charge that wastes electricity. I tell her I don't care and I'll pay the extra $0.04 a year to keep the damn thing plugged in. So annoying.
Used to do this at house parties. Come back a year later and they would still be there. The don't want to throw it away because it may be for something.
Or keys, there is a single key on my kitchen counter that I won't throw away because I'm afraid I'll need it when I find out what it's for but every time I see it I feel like it's taunting me.
ruspow ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 15:28:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Two of my friends have very exquisite music tastes and lots of vinyl, and one came up with the great idea of sneaking a single copy of Phil Collins - No Jacket Required in to the other guy's collection.
The other friend worked it out and the copy yo-yo'd between both of their collections as they kept finding it and sneaking it back.
What neither of them realised was I'd found 3 additional copies which I snuck in to each of their collections, on top..... this led to some amazing confusion when 24 hours later they were scratching their heads wondering how it had gotten back so quickly!
dorekk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:40:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all the personal photos with pictures cut out from medical textbooks (e.g., grandma replaced by a picture of a femur, baby pictures replaced with photos of vasectomies, etc)
People using Ambien for fun often say that they feel some kind of other presence during their trip and kind of influencing their decisions, makimg them do stupid shit. (I think, I've never taken Ambien) They call it the Walrus. /r/Ambien would like to see you
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:53:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A friend of mine came home one day and found that his house had been cleaned and all his trash bagged up and put in a large bag in the middle of his kitchen. His laundry was done and his bed was made and the laundry was folded and put in a basket on the bed.
SOMEONE BROKE INTO HIS HOUSE AND CLEANED IT.
He called the cops but they couldn't figure out whether a crime had been committed, because... nothing was missing.
Turned out the landlord had accidentally installed identical locks for him and the apartment next door, and the next door apartment had hired a housecleaner, who then forgot which exact number it was, but having a key, came in and figured "if the key fits, this must be the mess..."
He later hired that same housekeeper, because she'd done an amazing job.
I guess I feel kind of sorry for the cleaner, though. It would suck to have to do the job a "second" time when she realized she hadn't done the one she was hired to do.
This reminds me of what's been happening to me, ever since I moved into my house I haven't had to mow my lawn because the grass has never gotten to high, I didn't really think much of it until my roommate complained that whoever mowed the lawn had gotten a bunch of grass in the back of his truck, then about a week ago I came home for lunch and as when I got to where I could see my house I saw a professional landscaper at my house loading his mower into his truck and drive away. This guy has been mowing my lawn for months, I didn't hire him and I have no idea who did.
Change their calendar to March and cross off the first couple weeks. Stick the spoons in the "good knife" holder. Secretly give their dog treats that makes them gassy. Hide all toilet paper. Take left shoes put them in the fridge. Move one stool slightly out of place.
I would sneak in and turn all the lights on in every room and mess with the thermostat so it wasn't at optimal temperature. I know that would annoy them because someone is doing it to me... Either that or my wife and kid are filthy liars.
You posted too many ideas here. I had planned to move all of the clocks ahead 5 minutes...wait a few days and reset them back 10 minutes. BTW...Yuck om the hair in the drains.
GurJobD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:25:49 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Set all the clocks like 15 minutes fast slow, just enough to make you late for stuff.
That wouldn't work on their computers, Chrome would tell them that they're time is wrong and refuse to work
Combine this with the "condom wrappers of a brand they don't use" and "positive pregnancy test, poorly hidden" from earlier in the thread and you have a recipe for divorce on your hands.
My husband went on a business trip. I was unpacking the luggage and found a thong. I don't wear things and they were too small for him, so I confronted him. No clue where they came from till a long time later I recall having been given a thong by my ex (when we were together) and the luggage he had used was mine... so maybe?
Then I find mystery panties in his laundry. I confront him again. He is both upset and amused. He thinks I'm messing with him. My mother calls me that weekend and says she thinks some of her laundry didn't make it back after her visit- can I keep an eye out for some panties and a shirt?
There was another case of mystery panties- they ended up belonging to my sister in law. She did husband's laundry and guess they got into his luggage. (Edit, clarification - he was visiting her for their father's funeral)
I've told him this looks real bad. I've told him that any sane person would be concerned. He says he doesn't blame me. He says this is insane. He tells me if he was sleeping with another woman that's what he would be doing- sleeping. (we have small children) He also says that I'm so chill, if he wanted to sleep with another woman he would just ask me.
I eventually pranked him by emptying luggage, pulling out panties he didn't recognize and asking him WTF? (They were mine) he responded with, "ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!?!!"
Trespassing at minimum. And if someone's home and you get shot, well, it's not the owner's fault. S/he was in fear for her/his life. Most states have 'castle' laws (a (wo)man's home is his castle - so if you're inside and you don't belong, it's the owner's word against your dead body.
Actually depends on where you are. Where I live, possession of "burglary tools" (i.e. a lock pick) as well as it being night is sufficient for it to be considered burglary.
geofurb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:01:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you! Finally. You're just a trespasser. (Frequently a vandal in many suggestions. Probably a stalker in others.)
Smauler ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:59:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If the doors aren't locked, you're not breaking and entering.
[deleted] ยท 421 points ยท Posted at 13:43:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have often thought about this. Here is my set of answers:
Get a drill, a caulk gun and ground beef. Remove photos from the wall and inject beef into the hole you drill. Then put the picture back covering the hole. Eventually the dozens of pounds of beef will rot and it'll be incredibly confusing when it's discovered.
Buy about 20 pounds of ground beef while they are about to leave for vacation. The day they leave you spread it perfectly even on a section of countertop. Leave a window open for one day then cone back and close it. They'll come home to a mega fly infestation and no idea how so much beef came to be in their home.
Leave a single cum sock, preferably old, on the living room floor.
Take pictures of your junk with their phones and post them to social media. They wake up and apologize for "being hacked" but then they find photos of your slippery Sammy on their phone and spend the next six months locking all their doors.
Have one of those trap door attics handy? Spread some food wrappers around with a blanket and piss jugs. Toss a banana in there for a solid pop culture reference and leave the attic stairs ajar. Bonus points if you spend a months breaking in and eating their food in the attic so the wrappers match what's gone missing from the fridge.
Toss a bag of carrots into the washer or dryer.
Leave a dead rabbit with an indoor cat. Multiple times for greatest effect.
Install several annoyatron devices in their home.
Bake a cake, clean up and leave it for them. Bonus points if you use those photo cake sheets you can order with a picture of the family.
Break into neighbor As house and steal a photo. Now break into neighbor Bs house and capture each photograph. Shop neighbor A into family photos of B then replace all their photos. I mean wtf who would do that?
Beans. You can get them in bulk and they are cheap. Place one in their shoe then wait a week and place 2 on the counter. 4 in their contacts case. 8 lined up on the toilet. Their car, workplace, beach house the week they're on vacation. You'll never make it to 30 because that's a billion beans but at some point just before they go mad you stop. Wait six months and fill their cabinets with beans all the way to the brim. Imagine coming home hoping for some tea to celebrate your new bean free life and BOOM beans.
Use their computer to rain Craigslist lobster trap hell down upon a friend or family member of theirs. Post an ad offering free lobster traps on the Bangor Craigslist using the friends number. Do it over and over until the cops are involved. The person's IP will eventually be uncovered and they will be guilty of a felony.
Put a Lego in their feshlight. Tell me he won't suspect this spouse
Pour milk into the floor vents. Gallons of it . The HVAC guy will be baffled.
Pack the back of their toilet with ground beef and turn off the water.
Fill the bathtub with water and chicken stock.
They got a roomba? Peanut butter on the floor.
They have an indoor dog? Leave a massive fucking deer leg bone. Bonus points if it's a toy breed.
They have a cat? Poop in the litter box.
show up, do a photo shoot of their pets in the house the break back in to hang the calendar of the pets.
Stack all of the furniture into a cube. we did this one year on good Friday in my friends suite many years ago. We were too drunk to realize it was the wrong suite,wrong floor and wrong dorm then bailed when the RA showed up.
Rewire a switch so each switch does the opposite of what it used to do.
The options are limitless. Just think about all the stuff that you've found that made no sense at the time. Misplaced clothes, a DVD you don't remember buying, a window left open with hand prints on the sill 4 floors up and a huge dent on the top of your apartments AC unit below. It could all be troupe of comedic burgers.
fnhs90 ยท 96 points ยท Posted at 16:57:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is this your fucking job?
Jarom2 ยท 68 points ยท Posted at 16:34:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He said mess with them not ruin their lives.
[deleted] ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 15:43:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:07:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Haha, incorporating a running joke (seemingly accidentally) as well is the icing on the cake.
M3mph1s ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:02:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is your troupe hiring? I'd even be willing to join under an apprenticeship. Teach me how to be the biggest ass hole.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:23:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For some reason I think the broth in the bath is the creepiest one in this whole thread. There's just no satisfying answer why someone would do that so you just keep asking why.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:45:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One time a friend of mine got really really drunk and left the bar early to return to a second friend's house. We came home to see him dumping the apple cider into a drawer from the fridge that he had pulled out, placed on the counter and proceeded to frantically fill with everything liquid in the kitchen. He was a big dude and had been obviously working hard at this for some time because he was soaked in sweat. There were veggies floating in the frothy mix of ranch dressing, milk, cider, a 6 pack of Pabst(cans tossed in for good measure).
We asked him what he was doing and he just kept saying "No no no it has to be this way it just has to if it's not I'm fucked it has to be this way." and kept dumping stuff in the crisper drawer. We backed off and let him tire himself out before throwing it all out on the lawn to take care of the next day.
He woke up with cuts on his hands from the beer cans and told us his legs were sore like he'd run more than he had ever run before in his life. No memory of dumping half the kitchen into the drawer.
No need to rewire a switch, just pull the cover off, then the top and bottom screws to pull the switch out of the wall (there should be some slack in the wire assuming the electrician before you wasn't a heartless cunt). Be careful not to touch the screws on the sides, that's where the wire connects and could shock you, flip it, reinstall, done.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:37:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lobster fishing is huge there. I did this to a Google Voice number of my own just to test it out and I received over 200 text messages, over 100 emails and probably 75 voicemails of old men looking to "Take those pesky traps off your hands"
Truth be told due to regulations placed on the fishing every trap in current use has to be registered and there are a limited number of registrations available. Offering 20+ traps for free is like giving away a couple thousand in cash.
xQx1 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:53:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I love it. That was the post i was looking for, none of this "shorten the chair legs" crap - total mayhem.
Your list is a great way of getting annoying neighbours to move out.
I can offer one more suggestion if you want to up the stakes - slip doses of LSD into food in the pantry that they eat raw. Try to get stuff that they will use immediately (biscuits, bread), and stuff they won't eat for weeks (nuts etc.)
Then they won't just be moving out, they'll be moving out into a mental facility.
My name is Martel Deschamps, I live a life of splendor and privilege. I am the greatest thief and burglar in all of France and probably the world. For the last year I have enjoyed life in Paris.
I have many fine things around my home, collected from some of the great house on the continent. Many of the items I have collected are never even reported stolen, the owners are too ashamed to find their state of the art top line security was so easily defeated that they put in place perfect replicas and pretend nothing has happened, I have 3 of copies of Monet's Les Peupliers, as well as the original.
My favourite game, well that is a little different. The minister with responsibility for Policing in France is a gentleman called Bernard Cazeneuve, and I like to play with his mind. To start with I used to write a large number somewhere in open view, 1 the first time 2 the second, and on. Then I started making them smaller and eventually hiding them. Yesterday I visited Bernard's home again but this time I skipped a number.
I saw Bernard on TV doing a press conference this morning regarding the continued security arrangements for Euro 2016. He looked as if he had not slept last night.
Rhumald ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:35:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just break in and gift them things eh? A happy little book for you, a sweet non-stick frying pan for you, a joyous coffee maker for you, and an angry lawn gnome for Jimmy. I don't like Jimmy.
Me and my friend in stage crew wore cardboard cutout Nicholas cage masks we made on our last show to try to make the actors go out of character. This was highschool senior year so the stage manager let us do it and we got the lead to burst out laughing at one point when he was supposed to be crying.
My co workers daughter did this for april fools. She replaced all the heads with nicolas cage but wennt a step further and hid his poctures all over the house too
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:26:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Like his feet would start at their necks? That is pretty weird.
[deleted] ยท 63 points ยท Posted at 14:03:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Here's a good scenario. It actually happened too. To me.
So my boss comes in one day spouting out the usual morning stuff, we need to get this and that done, etc. After awhile he stops mid sentence, looks me in the eye, takes a banana out of his pocket, and puts it in the strangest place possible. All the while maintaining eye contact. Then he just leaves like nothing happened.
So I asked the guys wtf was going on and they just got mad at me and basically told me to fuck off and to stop being weird. Well this went on for a full week, same shit every day. At the end of the week there was bananas in the most ludicrous positions. I'd ask why there was a banana rotting on top of the computer monitor or in the first aid kit but no one seemed to know what I was talking about.
Finally I asked my boss about it. I'm like listen there's bananas everywhere, is this some kind of sick joke?
I got disciplined for being a weirdo in the workplace and the banana shenanigans continued until I got fired for asking "weird" questions.
My buddy's mother and father were having problems (turned out later he was seeing someone else). The mother went over to confront The Other Woman, and did so with a banana taped to her head. She and The Other Woman got into an argument, and eventually the mother left (but not before making some insane and scary threats).
Later, the father called his wife and said "You've been harassing T.O.W and scaring her and you had a banana taped to your head?!". The mother said "Do you really think i'd talk to her? And why would i be wearing a banana?!"
The father relented... "Okay i guess you didn't..."
I've been putting up with nearly every non-dangerous suggestion made in this post for the past four years along side people doing these weird repetitive things and glaring at me whenever i'm out and about, about a month or so ago I watched some guy eat a banana in the angriest manner I've ever seen... I pissed off the wrong person when this started, I'm pretty sure you did too without realizing it XD
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:40:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty relevant username.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:53:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'll give you one that really happened. I used to work at a fondue restaurant where we made the cheese table side using a double boiler. When we had new hires, the staff carefully explained how to do everything, except they deliberately left out the lesson on how a double boiler works. They just said, When you walk by a table and see the steam rising, that's when you go over and make their cheese.
This left our young, kitchen-inexperienced trainees to inevitably ask on their fist day: How do you make the steam, though?
The answer, if they liked you, was: Go to the basement and get a bucket of steam (we didn't have a basement.)
If they didn't like you, they'd tell you to go ask the Mexican restaurant around the corner for a bucket of steam.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:18:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He went insane, none of it happened anywhere but in his mind.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:11:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
it's a weird story, I know. But it did happen. A lot of things happened that I can't explain, the guys were all very strange and didn't like me. I'm guessing it was just some sort of psychological hazing or something. Fucking weird
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:30:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You were fired for asking about them pranking you? That's fucking ridiculous. Bring it up with the jobs board people...
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:36:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't actually know why I was fired, the official reason was "without cause." It was a non unionized position so the labour board wouldn't touch it. But the constant pranking was definitely an issue. It will forever be a mystery lol.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:32:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It will forever be a mystery lol
cuz they dead hyhy
OvyZ ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 12:09:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
install outdoor lighting
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:13:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave the frontdoor unlocked and make it look like someone as been searching for something. Open draws, mess stuff up, take down paintings. Do this to all rooms but one, instead leave open one draw or closet that the owner wouldn't have opened often. They will struggle to remember what was in this draw and they will try to figure out what was stolen.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:59:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I saw a comedian with a joke similar to this before. They just wanted to kick down a door and regret not stealing anything because they'd wonder "What the fuck did they take?"
I commented about the lack of reference to this in this thread lol
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:26:24 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
:D
kahbn ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 17:19:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Get 1000 of those fortunes that they put into fortune cookies, and hide them around the house. slip one in a book. put one inside a pillowcase. open the fridge and put one underneath a stick of butter. roll one around a battery in their remote. roll one up and shove it in a tube of toothpaste. cut a small slit and have one hanging out from the ceiling. see if you could tape one to the dog.
Wait six months, then do it again, except with actual fortune cookies this time. Two weeks after that, have about a hundred bucks worth of Chinese food delivered to them anonymously.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:27:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would love that. That would actually be awesome.
I don't know about you but I would want a hundred deers worth of chinese food delivered to my house anonymously. How much money is a deer worth, by the way?
kahbn ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:47:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Teach their dogs secret tricks. The command words would be everyday words that people use a lot. Imagine, having a conversation with someone as your dogs performs endless tasks behind you.
coromd ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:15:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Around ten years ago my home was burgled whilst our family was on holiday. We had a beautiful hand carved chess set that was always set up on show. Along with taking everything of value in our home, the thrives also stole a single piece from this set. I consider this a bigger dick move the the theft of everything else.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:31:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In summer camp I took one ball from a pool table and buried it in the sandbox. I actually feel guilty about that now, what a shithead.
I had a friend who used to go around making people's beds without telling them.
Everyone was trying to figure out who the mystery bed maker was until someone caught him bed handed.
Or just replace their current cat with another cat with a similar coat pattern and body build. They will look only slightly different, but the real kicker will be when they try to figure out why their cat is suddenly acting different.
I think one of the men from Monty Python did something like that, but with turtles. One of his friends got a pet turtle, and every couple of days he'd exchange the turtle for a bigger one. Then at some point the friend changed the turtle's diet because it had gotten so big, so he then started exchanging the turtles for smaller ones.
Leaving a toddler unattended anywhere for any amount of time is nearly as destructive as a large tornado. Hell, an attended toddler can be a force of nature sometimes.
One better, if they have DVR set it up to record the most obscure show you can find, but set it to record a bunch of others too so it'll automatically change.
jellary ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:34:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
At uni my mate stayed in a tower block of student accommodation. His room was on the 10th floor. It was his birthday and naturally he was the most wasted and passed out when we all got back to his room. 2 girls had moved out from the bottom floor and had left their door open. My mates moved a bunch of his stuff in to the room, then last but not least, took him down on his mattress in the lift in to the room. They then proceeded to jump out the window and start screaming the place is on fire, and he wakes up to see us leaping out the window (thinking we are in his room on the 10th floor) and absolutely looses his mind with panic hahaha.
He was so angry for a good a hour then gave up and went back to sleep :P
ac3boy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:49:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That is good. lol
t014y ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 14:55:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move the creepy doll.
Hyhena ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:48:38 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'll burn the creepy doll.
My gf's parents collects and fixes old life like dolls and I am deathly afraid of them. So if one is out of place, I'll def destroy it quickly. Some of these dolls cost 5k.
Put their keys inside a half-eaten jar of mayonnaise. Very few people have mayonnaise for breakfast and no one is going to look inside a jar of mayonnaise for their keys.
Slowly replace their stuff with mine. I would start really small, like with cutlery, scissors, stationery, and other small items we all take for granted. Then move on to bigger items like pictures, until I got to the point of swapping out their furniture with mine.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:16:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Then use squater's rights to steal their home.
TmickyD ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 14:30:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
give them an fully set up, working aquarium. Then occasionally come back and add a few fish in it.
After a house party once one of my housemates put the kettle on to make a morning cuppa and after it started boiling we realised someone had vomited in the kettle the previous night.
This won't ever get viewed, but I don't know how no one has thought of this... Change all their devices and electronics over to a foreign language setting.
I did this to my friend's phone. She has no idea how to change the settings, so I went in and changed the date and time, removed keyboards, messed up the audio, changed her screensaver, and so on. She kept texting me about it and I'd pretend I had no idea- in fact I still pretend.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:16:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That is genius! My friend accidentally set her phone to another language, and couldn't figure out how to change it back. She had to find me in order to get it back to English since I am the only person she knew who could read it. It drove her nuts for days.
Hyhena ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:52:24 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 13:59:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You'll find your car keys. In the milk jug.
You'll find your dog. On the roof.
You'll get phone calls from every marketing agency representing plastic phallus suppliers across the nation.
You'll get subscribed the Columbia House. And I will take the first 6 discs you would have gotten for a penny each.
That elderly lady next door who lives alone since her husband died? She'll suddenly think your dick exists for her. You just couldn't stop writing those love letters on that fancy stationary you own.
I got your Microsoft Live Account banned.
You know that thing where all your cables tie themselves in knots? You're welcome.
It took some doing, but your ex you haven't seen in 10 years is pregnant. And its yours.
Your mother now thinks I'm your husband. She wants to know when we met, why she wasn't invited to the ceremony, and when you came out gay, cuz she missed that.
Your sister now calls your daddy.
Oh, and I did break the rules; I stole your Samsung 50in 4K. I replaced it with a 32in 1080i Emerson.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:27:31 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've superglued your sheets to your mattress, but only in two spots diagonally opposite from one another.
Your pin number is now one digit longer and your username now rhymes with "orange".
I swapped ALL of your silverware to the exact locations in the kitchen from where they used to be.
Your garage door opener now flushes the toilet.
You have a tramp stamp of a barking dog spanking a whale.
Your music collection is now entirely comprised of "Careless Whisper", except for one copy of Bitchin' Camaro.
I gave you back your Samsung 4K. It now has one dead pixel, just to the left of center.
I set your microwave to always cook at low power.
I swapped the hot and cold knobs on your shower.
All of your mail now goes to the house next door.
Your daughter is now listed on craigslist as "I'm a budding flower, will you pollenate me?"
All of your wife's tampons have been soaked in lemon and habanero pepper juice. I also removed all the ear plugs you own.
The pistol you keep in the top shelf of the closet has been swapped with a very realistic looking water gun that shoots pee.
All those limes in your fridge? Lemons with green paint. All those lemons? Lemons.
I regapped all of your spark plugs to be just a hair too wide.
Your fire extinguisher now shoots silly string.
Your phone's new ringtone is the climatic part of a hardcore anal porn sequence. Yes, there is a clown in it.
Your father will receive a rather unflattering poorly photoshopped image of you doing something unspeakably horrible to the cutest baby seal in the history of man.
I re-registered you as a Green Party member.
At 2:23AM Eastern Standard Time, your phone inexplicably places a call to the sheriff's office that plays a wacky tune about how you're a naughty little girl who wants to play with their "big gun".
The contents of your mustard, ketchup, mayo, and thousand island dressing have been swapped with dish soap.
Your car alarm is now set to go off every morning at 6:59AM. The aforementioned anal porn sequence is the sound it makes.
And, finally, I replaced your spray-on cologne with bear mace.
I actually used to do this in high school. I would get a hall pass and pick the lock to the teachers lounge. I would go into the fridge and mix up all the items in the teachers lunches, trading snacks and drinks between all of the different lunch boxes. I was a bastard....
Plant an annoyatron in every room of the house. It emits a beep at random intervals, is often enough for you to notice it but infrequent enough that it's very difficult to locate and find. Will slowly drive them mad and, yeah, is almost impossible to find
Even better. Switch them all around and reglue. Suddenly all of their canned goods contain something different than the label.
In their entire life, they'll never be able to explain that.
make sure to put it back the way you found it. bonus points if it takes them a few days to realize what you did.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:31:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave lava lamps in people's houses.
pureVR ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:46:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ok dane you silly bitch.
DeeAmi ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:10:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I do not recall the painting, but I recall my mother telling the story. Mom painted back in the day and hung her work around the house. One of the paintings was in hers and Dads bedroom. Mom got the wild hair one day to change the traffic signal color to red. Dad gets in bed and stares at the painting for several minutes before mentioning he always thought the signal was green. Next day she changed it back to green. I think she said this went on for about a week before Dad caught on.
Something quite odd happened to my family: Mom & Dad split when I was 16. Mom moved into a lovely little house right near the high school. In the backyard stood an large, old, ratty above-ground swimming pool. I loved it, but Mom considered it a major eyesore and decided it had to go.
One summer, after the pool had been opened and filled up with chlorinated water, Mom called contractors to find out how much it would cost to remove the pool. The answer was a lot. Like $500ish. The expensive part of the job, these contractors explained, was removing the water itself. It couldn't simply be dumped on the lawn--there was far too much of it to just seep into the soil--so a truck with a huge tank and a pump would have to be rented and driven into our backyard. Mom was bummed out. I went for a celebratory midnight swim.
The next day I walked out back for a morning swim and the pool was dry as a bone. No water in or around it. I asked Mom how she'd managed to get the water removed so quickly. She had no clue what I was talking about, and was SHOCKED to see that the water was all gone (ALL gone!). There was no dampness on the surrounding lawn, no tire tracks, no hoses or pumps, no signs of anything required to remove that much water. And none of us heard any noises that night. We still have no clue who did this, or how, or why.
So, do that to someone. I can say from experience that it's an effective and enduring mindfuck.
Very interesting. So someone could have used a long hose to syphon away most of the water, and sopped up the rest with a shop vac or towels. Thanks for commenting--this info actually provides the first physically feasible explanation I've yet to hear. I cannot imagine what that person's agenda was, but now I can picture the deed.
More specifically everyone uses their garden hose. There's nothing to soak up if you put the hose on the street/sidewalk. You don't want the grass to have the chlorine water.
Take selfies of themselves sleeping on their phones. Change their contacts around. Theyd never know whos really calling (unless they know the number). Change their kitchen drawers and cabinets around. Hide all the toilet paper.
claytun ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:35:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I add cutout pictures of myself into as many family photos/photos hanging on the wall. Behind each photo I write I was here, and here, and here, etc. but all with different dates so they think someone keeps breaking into there house
I always that it was funny to go into computer settings and change keybinds for the keyboard around so when you type a certain letter or common words (like, and, it, the) etc. The system would autocorrect it to something crazy like mother fucker, or something obsen.
I did that to my freshman-year roommate. Fucker had been annoying me a bit lately so when he went to the bathroom and left his Microsoft Word open, I went in and changed his auto-correct to replace his own name with "Cow Fucker".
J37hr0 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:50:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unscrew all the light bulbs, push raisins into the tooth paste, rearrange the kitchen cabinets and drawers. Flip the hot cold cartridge in the faucets, flip all the circuit breakers off.
Chloroform the home owner, brush his/her teeth, tuck him/her into bed, leave 20 dollars on the nightstand
lehrnyx ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:27:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Used to do this for funsies: had a buddy really obsessed with counting his Chips Ahoy cookies to ensure no one stole them. Naturally, every so often I'd take 1 or 2. I wouldn't eat them. I'd wait until he almost ran out, then replace them. He would lose his mind.
I would find letters and notebooks to learn how the owner of the house writes. Both his style and penmanship.
Then, I would scatter fake notes from the future he would've left for himself in his house. Not many. One at a time.
They would read as warnings of events yet to come. Events I would make happen to him/her. Or not. Depends, there has to be some sort of margin of error, and let aforementioned owner feel like they can actually change their future.
kr4v3n ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:35:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This thing right here
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 13:01:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the clocks to 20mins behind the actual time. Its close enough not to arouse suspicion (i.e setting a time for 12 when it is 6 is too drastic). 20 mins enough time to inconvenience them and they would soon come to the realisation that they cannot trust their house clocks.
I just had a dream about this last night, my laptop was 20 minutes fast. I thought I was for school then looked at another clock and realized the laptop was wrong. Oh darn, I'm not late for school.
Cool story right?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:52:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So it's YOU coming to my house! We have one clock that is always ahead by half an hour and stops and starts randomly. It will start, mom will set it to the correct time, and it will automatically go ahead 30 minutes. NOW I KNOW WHY.
The 1957 story by Dare Wright is about โ you guessed it โ a lonely doll named Edith who befriends two bears who promise to never, ever leave her. On the cover is a black-and-white photograph of a sad-looking plastic doll.
First I would build some super satanic shrine in a random closet; pentagrams, fake blood, you name it.
Then I would change every electronic device in the house to a foreign language
Lastly I'd find their dvd/cd collection and I would swap all the cd's around so you never knew what you were gonna find when you opened one up
I'd walk into their kitchen, and cook all the food that they had. Seven course meal if possible. Ideally, I could break in the night before Thanksgiving, and cook an entire Thanksgiving dinner while they sleep.
Move all the wall hangings slightly so they sit at a very slight angle. Every time the house owners fix them, break in again and do the same thing. Rinse and repeat.
bjb13 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:46:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Simple. Clean up their room and arrange their things in order. They will be surprised at first. They may even ask around for you. But keep on doing that on a daily basis. Eventually they will think that they have a guardian angel or something of that manner. They will be happy, overjoyed even. Their cleaning needs are fullfilled! One fine day, just stop doing that. They will be surprised for sure, but they will wait for u . Eventually, they will begin to grow insane, waiting for an invisible entity which took care of them just like their mom. And slowly, they slip into depression and will seek treatment, or will move away for a well deserved vacation. Aaaand thats when you jump in and take their things. Dont forget to leave a note, saying ...'yours truly , guardian angel'.
Replace the batteries in every device that needs them with batteries that are already dead. Bonus points for doing this multiple times over a period of time.
I would move every piece of furniture a few inches towards one direction to ensure that people stub their toes while they are half awake or in a hurry...
Sneak into their house, and leave just a few seconds left on their microwave for months, then stop for a while then start putting watermelons in their oven just for further confusion.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:37:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace every photo in a frame with pictures of Hugh Jackman, leave an empty Hello Kitty juice box on the kitchen counter, and place a note underneath it saying "Deadpool was here :)"
First, I clog up all the drains with a t-shirt. Then, I open the faucets and let the water run while the family is away on vacation. Then, I'll throw a tarantula on my face and hit myself with a snow shovel in the front yard, so that law enforcement can easily find me.
I wouldn't even notice you were there, and you'd have to empty the 1/2 full pot that's probably already there.
But I would thank past-me for the coffee.
Even better if they don't have a coffee maker and you bring your own.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:24:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
That would be wonderfully confusing. Kind of like when I came home & had a new entertainment center, a dresser, and a whole lot of books. I finally figured out that it's the new guy I've been dating. He even makes me coffee...he doesn't drink coffee himself. I think I'll keep him around.
FarBoy ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 12:33:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave important shit in different places that the person might feasibly have left them. Eg keys in the couch.
Turn the shower on slightly so it drips.
Steal a random assortment of socks so that it's impossible to make a matching pair.
Jaloss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:53:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not a robber in real life but my husband and I love to prabk our friends when we go to their places. My husband strategically places stickynotes that say butthead everywhere hidden and I hide candy. Lasr newyears we were at a friends place. I brought a huge bag of quality street with me and throughout the night hid them. Some in pots some in pictures on the wall some in bags of spice. They are still finding them. They also must never use corriander for anything because they have never opened the spice bag and found it. That was my favorite one...for some reason the idea that they will open their spice to cook and find a candy inside makes me happy.
Quality street is an amazing candy that is various kinds of caramels and chocolates in rainbow wrappers. I thought everyone knew it but it must be a canadian thing. Everyone gets quality street and ferrero rocher for christmas.
Ferrero rocher are wafer balls filled with hazeltnut chocolate creme and a hazelnut. Then they are then covered with milk chocolate and crushed hazelnuts. They are amazing.
One time an aquintance came to their house and went to the washroom. Before he left he said: "if the cops ask , I was never here" then ran out the door.
They got worried and went to the bathroom and searched it. They found a bunch of drugs in the toilet tank. Kinda where I got the idea to hide non illegal candy...its a more pleasent suprise.
If the homeowners had dogs, hide a small electronic device with speaker that played a recording of a dog whistle, all night long. Set device on a timer so that it only went off at night. Homeowners will think their dog is possessed.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:08:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That is called animal cruelty. You fucking Nazi.
[deleted] ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 12:13:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Communicate with them via interpretive dance only.
Or take all of your shits for 3 months in tupperware. Keep them in your freezer. One day put all of them at once in their fridge. Filling it top to bottom.
Stick several posters or photos of Putin, Trump, Hillary, or their neighbors taking a bath on their walls and ceilings. Then leave a blue watermelon or pineapple in the middle of the living room just to confuse them further.
Dude, average Tuesday for this guy. Rearrange furniture when family leaves.
Switch Every single photo in the house with either a picture of a hairy naked guy or exotic photos of average food.
If it's a religious household I flip the crosses upside down.
If they have children I search for the Legos and scatter them through the house in strategic positions
Females, switch nail polish caps with other nail polish caps, leave hair curler on.
Last one (but my favorite) leaving an ungodly amount of hair next too a shower drain.
ch3663 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:44:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leaving a hair curler on can set the house on fire...
Buy multiple tooth brushes, rub them on the ground really hard so they get the impression that they've been used and fill their cutlery drawer with them- get rid of all of the other cutlery but (number of people in house) spoons
First I would make sure to eat a bunch of really spicy, really weird food for lunch. Maybe some of it is purposefully prepared wrong or out of date, maybe not.
I'd wait until it's dark outside and sneak over to their house, entering silently; carrying with me only a paintbrush.
By this time, my lunch will have had time to digest and ferment into a putrid, agonizing sludge in my digestive tract and should be ready to spew forth from my sphincter. But I don't let it.
Instead, I simply release a small amount onto the paintbrush and begin my work.
I can't make it too obvious where I lay my excrement. I have to be creative. On the bottom bookshelves, inside lamp shades, on top of ceiling fans, the underside of couches. That type of thing.
I am no mere burglar. I am an artist, and my medium is shit. Each brush stroke must be inspired. There must be no happy accidents, for I am not a happy little tree.
Every time my brush gets dry I must replenish it, clenching around the torrent of vile shit inside me and allowing only a small amount to be squeezed out like the toothpaste of Satan himself.
I move from room to room, lovingly leaving my fetid essence everywhere and yet nowhere at all. There is no one place they can say the smell will come from. There is no place they can clean to remove it.
The rancid odor is forever a part of their home. They will never be rid of it.
Wouldn't it just be easier to poop in a bucket and bring it with you? I mean trying to let a little squeeze out each time is a disaster waiting to happen.
What you're supposed to do is get the socks wet, then leave them in the freezer. I used to do this to my friend every time he slept over at my house, steal a sock, freeze it, wake up before him and leave it on the table next to him and fall asleep again.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:58:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
really messy entrance and exit, smash a window break the locks and steal... nothing they will be wondering what what stolen for the rest of there lives
Just leave the door open. Maybe knock over a few things, open drawers etc so they can tell someone has been there. But remove nothing. I think Dane Cook joked about it once and how it would drive people insane to not be able to figure out what was stolen.
First do recognizance and take pictures of their art and pictures, everything. Then go back to the cia headcorters and make mirror images of everthing. Finally go back to the place you first visited and replace all their art and pictures with their mirror images. Also dont forget to replace all disturbed dust so nobody thinks anyone was there.
I had a friend that would literally break into mine & friends houses just to fuck with us. His #1 offense (among many) would be to grab a slice of cheese from the fridge & put them in all of our coat pockets.
Really confusing on your way to class.
WWDubz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:02:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into a procrastinator's home and move wallet and keys in the middle of the night. This is what I imagine my wife does while I am trying to sprint out of the house and not be late.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:34:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Keep putting dead batteries into all electronics and deleting just a couple of shows form their DVR
ronm4c ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:35:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd leave every single piece of furniture to the right by an inch or two. Enough that they wouldn't notice, but enough to throw them off in their habits and occasionally bump a hip or two.
Shift things just slightly out of place. Barely an inch or two. Tables and things on the counters. Not only with this take awhile to figure out but it will mess up all muscle memory. Reaching for things that have always been there? Missed it. Rounding a corner? Straight into the edge of a table or into a chair.
First, I would remove all bathroom light bulbs. Then I would Saran Wrap the toilet bowls so anything would splash or sit on top.
Secondly, I would take a few raw eggs and put them in various places that get warm. Inside the drier, under a sink, inside or near vents or radiators, you get the idea.
Lastly, I would loosen the screws on 60% of the doorknobs and remove the pins on the remaining 40%. The'll never know how hard they need to pull to open a door again.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:13:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move every piece of furniture over just one inch. Enough that you don't see it, but enough that you might stumble over it because it's not in the right place.
Take a tin of paint (Don't ask why I have it), remove the top. Take the top of the toilet tank cover (The part you remove to take an upper decker) and flip the full tin of paint on top of it so that it is sealed to the top. Place the cover back on.
Other than that? Classic mischief of pooping in the toaster.
onlyymq ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:13:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
switch the order in which the cutlery is stored in the kitchen drawers
Just change their keyboard layout to Dvorak in the OS. Getting a new keyboard will just make them WTF more.
LawRue ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:17:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lock EVERYTHING. Bedroom doors? Lock 'em. Bathroom doors? Locked. Every drawer in all of your desks? Locked. And who the hell remembers where the keys for those are? Closet doors? Locked. Medicine cabinets? Lock 'em.
Fuck around with the autocorrect on their phone, have it say "me" every time they type "you", maybe have it change your to you're and the reverse, have it replace words with slightly incorrect spellings.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:19:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cut off the bottom halves of their shower curtains.
blot101 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:20:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
O.k. I got this. Go to the closet where they keep their shoes, and tie all their shoes slightly tighter than they are already tied. Cut one of their laces where they can't see it is cut. Trim the toothbrushes a little. not much though.
If they have beer in their fridge, put one in the freezer. If you can, slide their tv or entertainment center a few inches in one direction. Unplug some electronics, but only slightly so it looks still plugged in. Same with Ethernet cords and the mouse or keyboard. But, on top of that, turn off their power strip, so they think they solved the problem.
You're going to want to put some salt in the water area of the coffee maker.
Put a little piece of Bread in the oven, just down there in the bottom.
Put socks over their bananas, put the toilet brushes in the dishwasher, make clear jello in every toilet and sink, put a can of tuna in the oven or a raw egg in the microwave.
Mi_Lady ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:20:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put a cape on the dog
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:22:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I break in every morning and change the fire alarms battery to nearly dead batteries that beep occasionally.
I would refold all their laundry, but inside out. Not only would this delay them ~5 minutes in the morning doing whatever they do, but it would also cause utmost confusion. Not just this. I would be even more malicious and flip everything in the refrigerator upside down! (Only stuff that wouldn't spill, as I'm not rude of course) I wouldn't stop there. I would flip everything in their pantry as well. Imagine the chaos that would ensue, going to make your breakfast in the morning (delayed already after having to right-side out your socks) and having to try to find the cereal in all of the upside down calamity! The world shall feel my wrath, one family at a time!
Jerl ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:23:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is this supposed to be a hypothetical question? Because you've just accurately described my life.
Leave pennies in random places. Just start with one or two a few times a week. Leave one on an end table, then three in the refrigerator, etc. Then after a month or so it's up to 8 pennies here and 12 pennies there and super glue some down. Imagine the confusion caused by these phantom pennies.
Go into their router and redirect google to ask.com, facebook to myspace, amazon to stupid.com, etc. Randomly throttle any laptops/iphones/ipads but leave random IoT things and roku/apple tv/etc alone. Of course change the router admin password.
Alrighty, Id find some highly religious family, One with alt least 2 sons, some livestock etc, and reenact the plagues of Egypt on their household.
Over the span of 10 days i would bust in and do the days plague.
Water into blood: Probably achievable by cramming some red powder up the water taps or something.
Frogs: Pretty simple, buy some frogs. Put them inside. Easy.
Lice: Get some lice (somehow) and put them onto things like Haircombs?
Flies: Simple Enough, Get Flies. Toss em in.
Deceased Livestock: Grab a Knife. Go to town on whatever animal they're raising in the backyard.
Boils: Rub boil causing bacteria(?) all over the house (somehow).
Thunderstorm of hail and fire: Hire a hot air balloon, fly it at night, go over the house and drop firecrackers, ice and homemade molotov's. Get the fuck out of there before I'm noticed.
Locusts: Easy enough, Get locusts, Toss em in.
Darkness for 3 days: Take out the home electricity, not sure how.
Death of first born: (~ยฐ อสยฐ~)
Written at 2 in the morning. Expect errors.
fastgr ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:50:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do the laundry. Bring out the Trash. Doing all the petty Chores just so that the couple things their Partner is great while getting lazier by the day just to stop one day and see their relationship crumble...
First, do recon. Is this person someone who knows where everything is all the time? Or are they constantly losing things? Find their ticks. Find out what everyday occurances bother them and go from there.
If a person always knows where they leave stuff, sneak in at night and move their keys, wallet, phone to a different, yet obvious place in the house. For example, if they always put their keys in a key bowl, move them and put them on the kitchen counter.
If this person is a clean freak, put lotion on my hands (a normal amount) and give their windows a big fat streak, maybe collect some pet hair and scatter it, make them think a soap/shampoo bottle tipped over and spilled.
If they're a workaholic, pencil in an appointment that doesn't exist or switch their folders (keep all the info together, just change the cover. So blue is now red, green is now orange, etc).
Tech people, I'd unplug their WiFi and leave fingerprints on their laptop/phone/tablet screens.
Put a different color collar on their dog or cat if they're really enthusiastic pet owners. Maybe buy them new toys. I wouldn't do anything that would mess with the animal. Just something that would make the owner feel weird.
Break in every day and mess with things oh so slightly but noticeably until eventually the person living there loses their mind and is institutionalised
Piogre ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:09:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
reverse the direction of toilet paper roll
set every pair of shoes on the rack to have the feet reversed
move the input cables on their TV around, so all the input #s they remember are wrong
Ranaeil ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:09:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go in their cabinets and take the labels off of all the canned goods. Haha, try and figure out which is your canned corn now!
Flixsl ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:09:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A few years ago my friend and I were coming back from the bar at night. For some reason we decided to test every car door we passed to see if it was locked. After a while we found a car with unlocked doors! We hadn't given any thought to what we would do if this actually happened, but we wanted to do something great. I looked around for a bit a noticed a palm tree (Bush? Not like the big climb-able ones) nearby, and I knew what had to be done. I took one of the fronds off the tree and put it in the back seat of the car. I'm pretty sure we left some other foliage in the front seats as well. Then we locked the doors to the car and left.
I really wish were could have seen the owners reaction.
Subltly making someone think he/she is insane or in a coma is still the worst thing I can think of. Fucking with someones perception of reality is nasty.
Place a dozen heavily sedated wild animals native to the region around the house. A raccoon in their bathroom, squirrels in the guest bedroom, an adult male elk in their kitchen, etc. I would time the sedation so the animals wake up roughly 15 minutes before the home owner's alarm clock goes off.
Anytime I would get bored at a party I'd start moving around their decorations. It was my goal to have it be different enough to be noticed but normal enough to not be that suspicious.
I'll break into their house, sneak into their rooms to count how many they are and then prepare breakfast for all of them. I'll then wait outside for the paper boy, take a crap in the morning paper and leave.
purrpot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:41:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This will probably get buried, but an ex of mine who at the time was my girlfriend, broke into my house using a method I'd had to employ when she was with me once. I was passed the fuck out because at the time I DJ'ed 3-5am and when we closed at 5 we'd lock the door and all the staff would get hammered.
Anyway, she'd done it before and just crawled naked into bed with me, which was very welcome, but not this time... She'd bought a topless lady garden gnome which she proceeded to place right outside my bedroom door and just quietly leave.
I was so confused once I found it, I just took it and sat it on the table staring at me while I ate my cereal. She eventually cracked and called me to confess, and we both broke down into uncontrollable laughter.
I loved the idea so much, we went back to where she got it from and just about bought them out, and over the next few months proceeded to do it to all of our friends. For a couple for whom we could gain egress to their house, we just hid them somewhere in the garden, so they were a slow burn.
Move everything in their house just a slight inch to the left or right, they will feel that something is wrong/off but they won't know what? (Have done it a few times to friends, so I know it works haha)
Get a video prepped and loaded on all of there devices of shitty dane cooks shitty stand up routine where he talks about this stupid idea. That'll really cause all kinds of misery for the family.
I remember a case way back where someone's car had been broken into but all they could figure out that had happened was their sandwich had been cut in two.
In oblivion, wasn't there an Argonian who would break into people's houses, just to leave their stuff somewhere different from what they expected? I always thought the home owners would be very confused and a little embarrassed to find the ring they though was stolen years ago was actually just sitting in the bottom of a barrel in their basement.
When I was in middle school and high school my friend always left one window unlocked all the time. She used it for sneaking out. My friends and I would go into her house at random times and just do random things in her house. For example: we laid down all the dining room chairs one time. Her parents were divorced and this was at her mom's house and I think her mom was just too exaused to pay attention. She wasn't usually home but at work.
-Plurp- ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:03:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take Batteries out of everything battery operated and switch them so that they are backwards in the terminals, then stack all their photos in a neat house of cards-style structure in their living room. Poop in the back of the toilets. Draw a tiny penis in sharpie dead center of the television screen. Game Over
Edit: Wow lots of battery related schemes in this thread, i thought i was original :/
Every few days just move regularly used items to a different location such as putting the kitchen cutlery in a different drawer or putting the cups/glasses into a different cupboard. We reach for so many things out of habit and you'd probably drive them slowly insane.
One day I came home to a notice on my apartment door stating that police have caught the man breaking into people's apartments at night to watch people sleep.
Until this point I had no fucking idea this was happening in my neighborhood.
hoswald ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:16:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Back when I used to party a ton I would wait for everybody to pass out, then I would go re-arrange the kitchen. I would start by taking everything out of the cupboards and drawers, then I would just move everything to a different cupboard/drawer. A few times the homeowners liked the new flow.
Saw off the bottom of the chair and table legs to make it seem like the people are getting taller. I mean incrementally over time.
Or for a more immediate laugh....take the screws out of the chairs and tables.
carmium ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:19:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Set the table and put a casserole in the oven to heat.
Two weeks later, set out the good china and silverware with napkins, and have a beef Wellington in the oven.
Two weeks after that, the caterers arrive...
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:19:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably find where they keep their money and add a little bit of money to it every now and again. Enough for them to notice when they recount and have a little giggle because now they can do that thing they wanted to do, or save even more money, etc etc.
Then after years when they've become truly rich and famous, and I know where all their money is.. I'll take it all and everything of value they possess. As well as their goat, because who doesn't want a bloody goat? Goats are cool.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:19:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Identify one photograph in a frame and turn the frame to face the other way. Do it every day for a month.
Be Dane Cook and kick their door open so they think o took something and it haunts them for the rest of their lives wondering wtf was stolen. Causes broken relationships within the family.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:36:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've actually done this. I used to live in a town where no one locked their doors and I would often go to my friends' homes when they weren't there and do things to freak them out.
The trick is one small change at a time. Mess with their muscle memory. Swap the forks and spoons. Move the shampoo or the coffee.
The better you know them, the better you know their routine and the more you can slowly drive them insane.
I know a pilot who had his house broken into about 10 years ago. They stole the TV and a couple other valuable electronic devices, but he said the thing that disturbed him the most was that the burglar sat down at the dinner table and had himself a glass of orange juice at one point. He said it made the burglary way too human
Slowly start moving cups to where the pots and pans are.
Move seasonings to where vitamins are kept.
Place non-perishables in the refrigerator.
Swap the junk drawer with the silverware drawer.
Most importantly, for every time this is done; take the same toaster/microwave/coffee maker (some substantial kitchen appliance) and hide it in the laundry room.
Find a bachelor pad with a couple guys and thoroughly clean one thing at a time. Break in, clean out the crevasses in one window, leave. Start with the most inconspicuous things that they aren't likely to notice. One kitchen cabinet, one window, vacuum out the sofa, clean under the fridge. Slowly, their house will start smelling cleaner and cleaner. After a few months, move on to more conspicuous things once a week. Do the dishes, clean the dirtiest part of the house, do the laundry, mop the floors til they sparkle, rent a rug doctor and clean the shit out of their carpets and upholstry, clean out their fridge. They'll each think one of their roommates did it.
Come back for an hour or so a day, every day, and maintain their house.
Then one day redecorate the whole house to be girly. Fancy soaps, lavender everything, house plants, decorative pillows, rugs, lacy shawls over the lampshades, a vase with flowers, and in one of their rooms, put a photo shopped image of them with a pretty girl on their night stand and leave girl's clothes in his closet. Make a big ass lasagna and leave it in the fridge with directions on how to cook it.
Never show up again.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:59:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would find all of the remote controls and take the battery covers so they'll all have open battery slots.
When my mom turned 40 one of her friends snuck into our house while we took her to dinner and rearranged the labels on our canned goods. Want green beans? Too bad, you get creamed corn! I would do that.
My friend in college had a blind roommate. He was also kind of a dick. To prank him we always wanted to tape strands of fishing line to the ceiling throughout the apartment, so when he would walk around he'd feel little tickles on his face and not know why.
So I guess I'd just break in blind peoples' houses and do that?
This actually happened to us. Someone broke into our house, turned all the lights on and all the chairs upside down. Nothing was taken, or even out of place except for the chairs and lights.
Amรฉlie had a good sequence about that: she replaced her cruel neighbour's bedroom slippers with exact duplicates, two sizes smaller; took the knob off his bathroom door, and reversed the lever side with the knob side; replaced his toothpaste with hemorrhoid cream, and vice versa; set his alarm clock three hours forward so he showed up to open his vegetable stand in the middle of the night, and hotwired his metal bedroom lamp so he got a shock when his too-early alarm went off.
Steal one shoe from a few pairs. Drive them nuts trying to track down the lost ones.
I have done this to someone who did me wrong.
Rafahil ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:21:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There is a Korean movie where a guy breaks into people's houses when they're not around just to sleep there and fixes things that are broken in their house. At one point he becomes so stealthy that he breaks in people's houses while they are there and pretty much lives with them without them knowing he's there. The movie is called 3-iron.
I target people who play video games and own physical copies of movies. I go into their homes and place all of their games and movies in the incorrect case.
Install internet explorer as main internet browser.
xKappz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:33:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When someone's gone on vacation for a long time, shift all of their furniture 1 inch in a single direction. When they get back, they'll notice something's not right, but they can't place their finger on it. So they're left with a constant state of discomfort.
Set any alarm clocks for random times, most in the middle of the night.
Tilt any hung pictures. BUT, only one or two at a time.
Cut post-its into mustaches and stick them on family pictures.
Swap out a white bulb with a colored bulb. Do this to one bulb once a week.
Stick a post it in the fridge that only says,"Which one was it?"
Unscrew any beverage caps and then tighten them again. Just enough to break the seal, no adulteration.
Change where the different pieces of silverware are in the drawer.
Make the bed. If it is made, turn it down.
Carve the soap into a penis.
Empty some bottled water and fill with mineral oil.
Leave one of those windup, cymbal-clapping, fez monkeys in their closet at eye level.
Stick doll heads in the sofa cushions.
Place some monopoly money under the bed pillow with a note that says,"Thanks for the dentures."
Put dryer lint in all the pants pockets.
Replace any dairy with the next higher fat content.
Turn any blinds the other way. That is, if the outside points down, make them point up. They are still closed, but the opposite way. Same with any vertical blinds.
Draw with white crayon on the outside face of any shades. When the sun beats on them, there will be faint artwork to be seen.
Spray their underwear with cheap cologne. I mean something like the kind of stuff from a kids toy from Toys R Us. I'm not implying anything inappropriate about kids, just that it should be cheap shit.
Disconnect the cable box.
Take any toilet paper or paper towels off the roll, discard the core, and rewind around the post.
I would hard-boil half of their eggs, and then put them back in the box.
reagor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:39:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reverse all the doorhandles so the lock button is outside the rooms, lightly unscrew all lightbulbs, switch the contents of 2 closets next to each other, rearrange the kitchen storage locations, relocate the kitchen junk drawer and silverware drawer, switch the shampoo and conditioner in their respective bottles, hotsauce in the ketchup
Thompy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:42:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably target a happily married couple that are very specific over who owns what in the house but likes to share anyways. Then I would proceed to put some of the same coloured sticker on a few things the wife has bought, and proceed to add more over the coming weeks so that the husband decides to react and start a sticker war over who owns what >:D
Wrap their toilet in gorilla tape.
Put clear cellophane over their trashcans.
Shut off their water main.
Go to the bed where they are sleeping and light fireworks and spay them with pepper spray.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:21:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
According to Wikipedia, "A fraudulent smaller inch of 1โ42 of an ell is also recorded [as the obsolete Scottish Inch]."
An ell is 37 inches, but 42 inches in some towns. Normally it's no problem, but when one of the 42 inch ell people meets a 37 inch ell person you end up with an inch that measures not 25.4 mm, but 22.4 mm. If they needed precise measurements, they'd be fucked.
Move everything 1cm to the left and right, alternating with each day; make every hanging thing on the wall slanted by a single millimeter; adjust their shower heat so that no matter what, the temperature is different every day regardless of the position of the knob; rotate their milk container 90 degrees clockwise daily; put a single fork in the spoon sections and vice versa every week; reverse the position of their toilet paper whenever they replace it; give them new towels that are each a shade lighter every week until the towels are white; give them new bars of soap every day so they never get smaller when they're used.
Taking random things and placing them in their freezer, one at a time. Single shoes, light bulbs from random rooms, one of their car tires, anything you can imagine, really.
For a more creepy one you can write messages on their bathroom mirror with clear oil - the text won't appear until they shower, since the moisture won't stick on the oiled up surface. "I'm here!"
When I was in high school a friend and his family went on vacation. I had a spare key to their house and decided to go over. Went into his bedroom and disassembled his bed. I moved it into their large storage room and reassembled it. When they got back they called the cops
I'd break into someone's house, make a huge mess, wouldn't take anything, leave the door open and make them wonder for the rest of their lives "what did the burglar take? WHAT DID THEY TAKE?" --- Mwaaahahahah
I would put crayon drawings of refrigerators on everything but the fridge.
Dimmet ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:54:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If time and money wasn't a huge issue, I'd bring a set of hardware and tools and remount all the doors in reverse.
Oh, and replace the toilet paper holder to be on the opposite side or in front of them or just out of arm's length. Any combination of those could work.
And if time and money was a concern... I'd just reverse the toilet paper in all the bathrooms. I can't stand that.
twaxana ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:56:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would rotate all exterior locks and door knobs 180 degrees. Just the locking mechanisms. So when they came home they would have to put their key in upside down.
My boss was a cop for a while. He talks about a home burg report he took where the the neighbor kids broke in through an open window and made doughnuts. The homeowner walked in and caught them in the kitchen with halfmade doughnuts. The kids ran out the front door.
chachki ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:01:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There is a movie about this exact scenario. They break into rich people's houses and rearrange furniture, leave obscure messages and don't steal anything.
Go to an Amish persons house, and modernize it.
Steal a car then park it in front of their home, like it is theirs.
Put a tv in the most open spaced part of the home, re arrange the furniture like a living room, with all the chairs and what not facing the TV.
Put batteries all throughout their home.
Hook them up with a desktop or laptop sitting on a table in the corner with windows 10.
Get them 1 Iphone 6s.
Another night I would hook up light bulbs all throughout their house, in unreachable places with no way to turn them off, so they now have to deal with electricity.
Then I would replace their dutch oven or pot or whatever the fuck they use, with a Microwave.
Outback, I would take down their clothing line, and put a washing machine and Dryer against the house wall.
Just to really erk them, I would leave starbucks every night for them in the fridge that I just bought them and installed.
It would always be full, like a college kid's dream.
Then for the final thing, I would install security cameras, and hook them up to the monitor of the computer I got them.
There would be a folder in the computer called, "Solutions".
Inside would be numbers to various professionals, that would get rid of their tech things if they wanted to.
But to get ahold of someone to properly get rid of said things, they would need to use the phone I gave them.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:13:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
liv3408 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:14:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go into their iTunes and rename all the songs with the names of other songs in their library.
9279 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:18:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I already kind of do this. I live in an apartment complex that is mostly older people. I am 27. They are ageist here. The older people complain over nonsense, but turn around and do the stuff they complain about. I'll give the back story first. You can skip to the second section for the meat.
For a while parking was a problem and no matter how I parked I'd get grief. I could measure my distance from the white lines and make it even and they'd complain over pulling up an inch to far. I once didn't leave someone enough room to park in the fire lane so they left me a note letting me know.
I was working and going to school full time when I moved in so i'd get home late and there would be one spot left but the car next to it was parked crappy so I had to park crappy to fit in. Well that car would leave before me making it look like I was just parking like that. I got so many passive aggressive notes. I left up a note and said, "Hey just knock on my door and ask me to move. i get it late and park how I can depending on the car next to the only spot left."
It just baffled me because I helped them out. I'd help them carry their groceries, remind them their keys were still in their door only to be looked at like a criminal when they answered their door, helped them with trash, etc.
And it was only a problem if I did something. I backed in once and a car was honking to hurry so I backed up a little too far and someone told management I had been doing it for a month. I was told never to back in again and notes were put up for no one to back in. But people still backed in so eventually I do too and got notes saying hey no one is supposed to back in. There are numerous cars who pull so far forward I can't walk in front on them and they do it everyday. I did it once by mistake.
The older people don't work but I do so they all bond during the day and blamed me for everything saying, "Must be that young kid doing it." When in reality they were doing it to each other.
TL:DR I was a totally reasonable, helpful, and kind person only to be treated like shit and scape goated because I'm younger.
I don't do it any more, but I did small things to annoy them. Our dryer still counts down remaining time even if the door it open. So You can leave the door open and you will run out of time even though it isn't drying. For a while I parked on the other side of the building to avoid parking issues and walked by the dryer every time I came in. We all live in sections everyone in my section was shitty to me because I wasn't in their clique of elderly people. So I'd open the dryer a bit and keep walking so their clothes wouldn't dry.
They all leave passive aggressive notes for each other. Especially on the main door coming in from the parking lot they all used. I'd move the sign from the inside of the door to the outside or two inches to the left and it drove them nuts.
They all make so much noise so I'd walk to the top of the stairs silently and then jump up and down three times on the top step.
There was this couple who left this massive stack of books in front of their door for months. I had to step over it everyday as I came in because their apartment door was right after the door from the laundry room where I came through. So I pushed them more and more in front of their door to see how long they'd leave them there. They had to be stepping over them everyday.
I'd unplug the washer so they'd have to plug it in every use.
Just little bs. I was a ghost for a while. I still am for the most part. No one ever saw me. I'm back to parking in the lot on my side of the building but only one guy ever sees me. Should be moving out next year!
v10_Sam ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:29:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find their DVD collection and put all the disks in the wrong cases. Muahahah.
Shimoz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:29:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch the places of forks, knives and spoons in the drawer.
I'd go to the restrooms and flip the toilet paper roll around so it's rotating toward the wall, lock any interior doors that lock, open all the windows and turn off the a/c or turn the heat off if it's winter... Set all the sinks to drip, and do things like putting all their silverware in the freezer, oh yeah it could get degenerate fast. You could basically just pull every prank. Toss some baby powder in the hair dryer so they get a face full.
vanteal ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:35:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave a huge bag of cash with a note stating "This is your cut, thanks for helping with the bank job" And watch them get so confused trying to go over the entire night in their head and then become paranoid the cops are looking for them..
Does not involve breaking in, but is related. Worked in a resort and had an unpleasant boss. One night someone blocked his bungalow door with a table, the guy got extremely pissed off. Two days later I move the same table in front of his door but add a fork... The man is fuming in the morning, he is convinced maintenance staff is taking the piss. His reaction prompts me to continue doing this and others join the bandwagon no one knows it is me who continued moving the table and adding more cutlery every night but all of a sudden i am witnessing fully dressed tables, benches and couches appearing in front of this guys door overnight. Every morning he would throw a shitfit about how he couldn't get out of his door because there was -insert random crap- and and table prepared for two in the entrance. Every time I would feel like the most accomplished man on earth.
Alwin_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:38:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've read on here somone's plan to steal peoples spoons, one by one. It's what I've been doing for a couple of weeks with this couple who are both friends of mine. I've got 5 of their spoons, but they havent said anything about it when I was around. Will collect more over time. When I hear them talk about it, I will put stolen spoons in random places for them to find.
In college, I would steal the forks from my friend's suite. In the suite it's a common area, a small kitchen, and three or four rooms.
Being broke college kids, they would go steal more from the cafeteria and restaurants where they worked. But they'd only steal enough for everyone in the suite. Eight. And I would continue stealing them. Not immediately, not all at a time. One here, one there.
They started fighting about it. Who's losing all the fucking forks??? Be an adult and fess up to it! They would watch eachother eat.eanwhile there was always the right amount of spoons and knives.
After a few months they came out of their room to forks laid out covering every inch of the common room and kitchen, tine up.
Holy shit they lost it. Screaming about who did this and throwing accusations around. Meanwhile I'm laying on the couch trying not to laugh. Never told them it was me.
I heard there was a gang operating in the Netherlands a few years ago that broke into ppls apartments and took pics of themselves on the apartment owners' pre digital cameras of them with the toothbrush habdles shoved up their buts. They'd then wash the toothbrushes and exit. Months later, when the owners had their film developed...
Unplug their cable to their modem by just less than a cm, so it looks like it's in, but it's not.
Anyone not tech savvy enough will be annoyed why its not working and go on for days having to pay 10s of dollars to get someone out to come troubleshoot it for them when they've done everything but the most simplest of things! MUHAHAHAHAHA.
one time, i dogsat for a slightly disheveled woman, and i wrote things on her calendar. i'd just pick a random future date and write things like "SUPER IMPORTANT!", or "monica! don't forget!". or i'd just write random names. i'm still waiting for the results, but i laughed for hours while i did it, which is all i need really.
Leave a map with five locations circled on their table, one of them being where they work. When the points are connected it should form a circled pentagram.
I would take apart their car and rebuild it inside their living room, complete with a Donald Trump blow-up doll in the driver seat and a live badger in a cage on the passenger side.
A letter would be left on the dashboard written in wing-dings, that, should it be translated, would say "As pretty as you are, I don't think we have anything common."
In the trunk there would be 7 dimes and 3 pennies, but they would be fake and giant sized (roughly 10 times as large as normal), and a stone taken from Ayers Rock.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:07:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave a single green m&m in the middle of the living room every day.
Put the underwear in the sock drawer. The socks in the shirt drawer. Switch the plates and glasses in the cabinets. If it's a family put the kids clothes in mom's closet. Put dad's clothes in the kid's closet. Just petty shit like that.
Move all of the furniture to different rooms. The bedroom to the living room. The living room to the dining room. The dining room to the study. The study to the guest room. The guest room to the rec room. The rec room to the bedroom. I'd only be able to if they were on vacation, though
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:24:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all their furniture a few inches to the right
Turn on all the faucets in the house so I get a reputation and people know it was me!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:25:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's simple. We break in. Enter their kitchen. Open up the silverware drawer. Put the forks where the knives go, the knives where the spoons go, and the spoons where the forks go. Then close the drawer and leave.
Sneak in every couple of months and add another remote to the living room. Soon there will be 10 different remotes and one is for a TiVo box they thought they got rid of 5 years ago.
sf3p0x1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:29:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all of their normal light bulbs with blacklight bulbs.
Buy small bug ugly pieces of furniture. Repeatedly. Put a sad clown painting on the wall. Install a fuzzy toilet seat cover.
And bug the place for when the cops come over.
"Officer, seriously, does this sort thing look like something I'd buy?"
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:32:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
hang Wild Wild West movie posters in every room
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:34:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go to Stevie Wonders house and move his furniture
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:38:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fill all their water bottles with tiny shards of glass. Then when they drink it their lungs will be all cut up and theyll choke to death on their own blood. Hilarious prank to pull on old friends or extended family.
I'm a fair lock picker. I always thought it would be a laugh to pick a bunch of those el-cheapo locks people typically use at storage areas. I don't want to steal anything, just switch all the locks around and cause some low-level chaos. Unfortunately, the better angels of my nature prevent me from doing something so evil....
yeadoge ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:41:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm late to this post but my first thought was to move almost everything in the house to a different location. Utensils, tools, furniture, pictures, toiletries, anything that isn't bolted down would be related but nothing would be taken. It would take them months to figure out that they didn't actually get burgled.
Hide every Television Remote in the most obscene places. Such as the freezer, under the bathroom sink, the backyard...
Landown ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:46:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would, whenever said victim places their keys somewhere, move those keys to a different and more obscure location around the house. I would do nothing except that, as to not arouse suspicion.
I read this in a book or something once as a young teen and then tried it myself in real life. Reverse pickpocketing. Try and put weird objects into people's pockets without them noticing. My favourite thing to use was spoons. Imagine going throughout your day and finding a random spoon in your pocket. Wtf right? :P
There was a guy in the area I lived in who would break into people's houses and rearrange the furniture. Nothing stolen or damaged. That's the kind of burglary I admire.
This would take a few weeks to a few months. You find a single person living alone, someone in their 30s preferably. Then every few days leave something in their house in a room it would belong it, that a 5 year old child would have, such as toys or small clothes. As time passes you do more of that and eventually you add a subtle picture in a picture frame of a completely random small child in a school like portrait with ir being ribbed so you barely see the child, in a picture frame that says "in memoriam". And you keep leaving the child stuff around their house every few days or once a week until it's been a few weeks or months. Then while they are out of the house you completely change one of the rooms - preferably a bedroom, into a complete child room for a 5 or so year old.
You could place toys, clothes, kids food, appointment notices wirh no specific name, and other shit when you put stuff around their house so that they think a dead child ghost is living with them. You could also put horribly written notes and pictures from the child saying stuff like "I love you" and "wheres my mommy?" To make it even worse.
Exchange every photograph in their house for pictures of Tom Sellick.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:51:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm surprised no one has mentioned this yet.
Charles Manson and "The Family" used to do this. They called it "Creepy Crawling". It started off relatively harmless- moving furniture around, putting leftovers in the frisge, etc. But quickly escalated to brutal murder.
This type of manipulation is called gaslighting and it's basic purpose is to cause it's target to question their judgement.
Move all furniture in the house around a couple inches so when someone subconsciously gets up in the middle of the night to take a piss or something, they trip on the furniture because it isn't where they remember it being
Leave a brick inside inside their house near the window with a shattered glass and a note that reads
"Sorry."
-Henry
If we're doing repeated visits, you then drink, or dump out, 98% of the milk, or whatever beverage, and put it back with the same message as before on the cap. Now they're wondering who Henry is, and why he's able to write so small.
You break in again, this time in the summer on a hot day when you know they have fans up, and you reverse the blade on all of their fans. When they realize what happened and face the fan, it will read "Sorry. - Henry" as the blades spin. Combined with the heat, their mental state will deteriorate.
The next day, they try to go online on their computer and are greeted by 50 new tool bars and all of the free anti virus programs active with their free trials going. All of these are linked to their personal email. The page slowly loads to read
"Sorry.
-Henry"
At this point, they're scared. How compromised is their household? Who is Henry? What does he want? Why is he doing this?
The occupant is in their house with their six month old son. He wonders why these strange things keep happening and worries about his family's safety. He goes online to check for nearby hotels to stay at while he sorts this out. "Ssssssss." He looks over to his son. "Ssssssss." In this time of trouble a bright light shines as the man is about to hear his first son's first word. "Sssowwy."
Terrified, the man fleas the house with his family immediately, moving across the country to escape Henry. The man never knew who Henry was or why Henry was doing what he was doing, but it's because FUCK YOU JEFF FOR SAYING YOU CHOSE THE SONG EVERYONE DANCED TO AT PROM. FUCK YOU. I DISCOVERED THE TALKING HEADS. I SHOWED YOU WHO THEY WERE, GOD DAMMIT.
Jolator ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:16:29 on July 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I read this in the voice of Dwight Schrute until the very end
My friends and I once snuck into our other friends house when he was at school and took all his mom's sex toys and put them in his fridge so when he got home he would think she put them there and when she got home she would think he put them their because their the only 2 people that live there. The next day he came to school, told us he found sex toys in his fridge and just walked away, and when his mom got home she had a serious talk with him about sex toys and no matter what he said she was convinced he put them there.
Teach their dog something random (ie: fetch the room spray), when they hear or see something that happens a dozen times a day (turn on the bathroom light).
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:14:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'll first take objects from my own house and swap it for the same object in theirs, the tv remote, the knives and forks, slowly all of our things will switch, then the next house I burgle I'll do the same thing with the other houses things.
Wouldn't really annoy or confuse but I used to always joke about how funny it would be to break into somebody's house and rearrange their DVD's alphabetically, or wash their dirty dishes. Maybe fold their laundry and place it nicely at the foot of the bed.
I might be late but I know someone who one year on Christmas, went around and stole the baby Jesus statues from all of the outdoor nativity scenes in the area. They left everything else in tact and wrote down the addresses to the corresponding baby Jesuses. On the following Easter, before everyone woke up they went and put all of the baby Jesuses back to their respective homes.
move the coffee table 2 inches to the left. their cries of stubbed toes will lull me to sleep!! >:D
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:29:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I carefully scoop out the tub of margarine, I fill the bottom with peanut butter and then replace the margarine on top and smooth it out so it's as good as new.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:30:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"entry into a building illegally with intent to commit a crime, especially theft". I guess breaking any touching someone's property is a crime, so technically.. But yes, not really a burglar
Codile ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:30:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would print out all of the askreddit reposts and tape them over every object in the house.
Replace their snacks with sugar free, fat free, or "light" versions of same, placed into the wrappers or boxes of their regular snacks, so things look normal but taste off.
Secretly mow their lawn at night for 3/4ths of the summer. Use an old style push mower so it's quiet.
If they plant a garden, the day after they plant seed sneak out at night and plant chicken feet, toes up, in the rows. They will at first think everything somehow sprouted overnight, but when they get closer..... Chicken feet.
Make sure they find a coin every 1 to 5 weeks, on the same day of the week, sitting on their doorstep.
Replace their mattress with a different one of the same size. Remake the bed exactly how it was before.
Put glitter in random places in their house, just small amounts. A pinch in the medicine cabinet. In the toilet tank. Under the couch. Between stacks of folded towels.
Switch their dryer sheets out for differently scented ones, leaving the original box.
Then how am I a burglar? That doesn't involve burgaling anything. What if my annoying and confusing behavior is causes their death or lasting harm? Would I then be a robber? Do you feel irritated? A bit uncertain, hmm?
tehreal ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:51:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal the battery cover off of every device that has one.
Reprogram their DVR; cancel their current series recordings and set it up to record a bunch of shows that are completely opposite of what they had, and they would definitely be recording the Kardashians after my visit. BWAHAHAHAHA
noruken ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:52:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Loosen the cable for the router in the house just enough so that there is no signal but to the naked eye, still looks connected. Also remove knobs from all objects such as doors and appliances. They will lose their minds! Muahahaha
Oh this one's easy. Glue all the caps on their toothpaste tubes and things like milk, soda and orange juice.
loosen all the caps on salt and pepper shakers so they'll fall off once tipped, saw a solid eighth to a quarter inch off one single leg on all chairs and tables to put them off balance. Do the same with one heel on every pair of shoes.
Loosen the pipes on the faucets so that they leak at a slow, steady drip even when off.
Mess with the bearings in any and all ceiling fans so they squeak audibly when on and to finish it all off,
Randomly move every picture and object exactly one and a half inches in any direction.
I flip their toilet paper the other way. The sugar and salt contents get swapped. All TV and computer volumes are on blasting. take the batteries out of everything. CLose the valve on the water for the toilet. brush soap with toothbrush.
TeamJim ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:24:52 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip over all of the light switches in their house over time. It starts with one room. Gradually the whole house has upside down light switches.
I know I'm late to the party but I actually did this to my in-laws when I was drunk and forgot to tell them about it:
Use their computer to take a screenshot of their background with the icons showing and save the screenshot. Then choose to not show the icons from the desktop settings menu. After that, change the background image to the new screenshot. The icons will show up but will be unclickable because they're actually just a background image.
I come from a family of pranksters, and my mom and her sisters have this pair of bright pink, triple-XL panties that they've made a game of trying to sneak into each other's possession. So my aunts will visit, and a few days later you'll pull this giant pair of granny panties out from between the couch cushions, or folded up in with your kitchen towels. One time my cousin went camping with his friends, and they were stuffed into the foot of his sleeping bag.
3 way fridge switch. I used to go in my brother's house while he was at work every now and then and put the milk in a ketchup bottle, Diet Coke in the milk jug, and ketchup in the coke bottle. Sometimes I would switch it up to Pepsi and mustard and orange juice. Cleaned all the containers so the contents weren't mixed and still usable.
I replace their toothbrushes with identical copies of different colors, with the same amount of use to them.
So much confusion in the morning, this starting their day off wrong and it'd put a damper on anything good that happened that day and all the bad things would seem worse.
And repeat it two weeks later, putting their original toothbrushes back.
Leave self-help books on the back of their toilet. They won't notice until their phone is dead, but they'd go to the folded page, which is the page about overcoming shame over bodily functions.
Because who put it there? Who feels shamed? If they lived alone and invited no one over, they'd feel like they must have bought it.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:18:21 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go through the dirty clothes and take one or two socks per week, leaving countless socks with no matches.
Unscrew every lightbulb just enough that they don't light when switched on. Some friends and I did this to a few student hotel rooms on a school trip back in high school. Everyone jumped to the conclusion that housekeeping had something against them...
I would break in and find out what cereal the ''victim'' eats, leaving no trace of my trespassing. I would then occasionally break in to ever so slightly top-up their cereal boxes
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:08:32 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all of their clothes with smaller sizes.
Put land mines under the toilet set so when they sit down they explode.
Take all the batteries out of the remotes and hide them and also dump out the cereal only leaving an annoyingly small amount of the crumbs which isn't enough
Change settings on their Netflix and slightly mess up all their setting on electric appliances.
I had a key still to the job I quit. And I could have gone in and adjusted the settings for the lights. That was the most annoying thing. But so simple.
TD_70 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:19:22 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My sink fills up in 15 seconds. It's like it's clogged no matter how many times I clear it, you would cause massive water damage to my house. That's very annoying haha
Krindus ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:23:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take fiberglass insulation and spread it in their bed and the inside of their cloths.
You need a hard kick in a sensitive spot for even suggesting that. I have a jacket I got some fiberglass on my arms and then put the jacket on. I can no longer put that jacket on even after washing it.
derp_08 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:17:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put a shit ton of salt on everything in their fridge. Milk, soups, yogurts you name it. If it's edible, you salt it. If it's not, you pepper it.
BnL4L ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:33:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the melon baller. Everyone who owns one knows they have it and that maybe one time they go to use it over the next 2 years they will go nuts looking for it
Wait till the husband fucks the wife without a condom. Then drug them both. Suck out the sperms from the wife. Impregnate her with your own sperms. Tidy up and leave.
9 months later, they will be expecting a baby and they will get a baby but not the baby they were expecting.
And they are stuck with it.
arb93 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:35:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Either explain why YouTube is a real job or quantum mechanics. Which ever is more confusing.
Hewgag ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:39:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap all the contents of the fridge and freezer.
Fold and put away all the dirty clothes.
Change all the bulbs to blacklights.
Dull all the knives blades but sharpen the back sides of them.
Write creepy poems on the mirror that only show up when steamed up from the shower.
Replace all the houseplants with large cholla cactus.
Flatten all the spoons.
c3h8pro ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:08:10 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I used to "burglarize" the office I worked from every night to get even with a mean penny pincer who enjoyed making people she never met miserable. I was a Law Enforcement Ranger in a park system, we wrote a lot of tickets but I tried to always be fair and not crush folks with fines they really didn't earn. One of the women who did the processing of the tickets would purposely delay the reply's to cause extra fees or she would "loose" a ticket just because she thought the name sounded Jewish. So every night I would go in and we would move the desk over so she would have to drag her hips to get to her seat. As she got older the gap got tighter, she went on a diet and she would yo-yo up and down as we moved the desk to increase and decrease the gap by like millimeters. We would move the desk toward the back of the trailer to make her not be able to turn her gut from the chair or raise the desk and lower the wheels on her rolling chair so she would bottom out on the mat under the desk. I got good at adding washers to move the middle drawer up and down so it would drag on her thighs and make her adjust her chair down. Three years we would do this, one item a week millimeters at a time. She finally cracked and started blaming her husband that her was trying to poison her with those Olestra potato chips! They ended up getting a divorce over it with her claiming the whole time that he was doing things to her food, she went as far as having a second fridge put in the garage and locking it. Last I knew she moved to another department and I have no idea whatever happened to her divorce situation. So be it! Fat nasty bigots deserve what they get.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:19:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into a Muslim's house and start up 4 lbs of bacon in the oven.
Pdino ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:30:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Personally, I'd move some things a couple of centimeters out of place. Then, when the people living there either move it back or get used to it, I go back in and move it another way.
because both feet can be warmed in one way or another. this way their left foot must be cold, or they must use a right side sock on the left foot and what kind of maniac would do that.
To this day I do not know what happened. One day me and my kids come home from the store or movies or something and all the remote controls in the house were opened and the batteries removed and battery doors were left sitting beside the remotes.
MikeW86 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:34:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove every item from the house and replace it with an identical copy.
Steal half of the food they have in the house. But only half, for example: half of acheese wheel, one jar of peanut butter out of two, etc.
True story, happened in my dorm room, still don't know who it is and it really weirded me out...
When you leave your shoes next to the door? Flip flop them so the left shoe is on the right side and the right shoe is on left side. Every. Single. Day.
Works well on people who don't tie their shoes and just slip them on.
Move everything a tiny bit and turn things backwards. Move the furniture and such a few inches in the same direction, just so that everything is a little off (and perfectly suited for toe stubbing. Next, switch the direction things go. Change the orientation of the tp, rotate any table close to a square by 90โข and any circular table 45โข (or whatever the formula 180/legs gives you. Finally, take out your trusty drill and make doors open backwards (if you have time.
Finally, insert a few cctv cameras and enjoy yourself.
-Change all the doors so they open the opposite way.
-Put a timer in the main trip switch so it it trips in the middle of the night, all the appliances have to be reset and their food spoils in the fridge.
I would set all of their dvr recordings to the climax of each episode of show they liked... such as right as Rob stark got stabbed during the red wedding.
Slowly replace all the pictures in their picture frames with somewhat-similar looking stock photos.
chiaros ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:47:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace every photo with a picture of the sloth astronaut
Leharen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:47:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take out a screwdriver and unscrew a bunch of random things. Not only will that piss the victim off, it'll also make them paranoid, wondering which things are screwed on and which ones aren't.
urabewe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:49:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The courteous crook!
He even put on a new roll of toilet paper... and the right way too, from the bottom out!
Some friends of mine went to a random house party in college. The hosts sold them house cups, ran out of beer 10 minutes later, and told them, "Tough luck."
The house had a shared trash enclosure with other houses on the block and each house had a key to access it. My friends found and pocketed this key and then stole the battery covers off all their remotes and left.
Leave one fork and teaspoon in the cultery drawer but leave all the big spoons, take out the rubbish and re arrange the furniture.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:53:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all easily movable furniture (e.g. table lamps, flowers, etc.) to different areas of the house, and cut one leg of all big furniture (e.g. chairs, tables, beds) about 5cm shorter.
Using chisels, drills, wood filler, and screws, I'll randomly take doors in peoples houses and reverse them so the handle is on the wrong side. Do this to a random door once a week rotating around a whole neighborhood, I'll have created total chaos.
Sunlit5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:54:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Once every few nights I will take a single object in the house, always the same object of course, and move it to some random but believable location. Then watch as the victim goes mad debating if they keep moving it and not remembering or if it is possessed.
Move everything in their house ever so slightly. Make them think someone is trying to fuck with them. But when they tell others no one will believe them
Go into their house and put all their items into different barrels.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:57:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put their headphones in the middle console of their car.
Unplug the coffee machine.
Put water on the dry dishes.
Turn their toilet paper the opposite way.
Remove every single light bulb in the house, including spares. Remove all batteries in all devices
kentsor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:59:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In East Germany you could make a career out of this. The Stasi was really a charming bunch. They'd break into the homes of political opponents and mess with them in subtle ways as a means of oppression via psychological attacks. This was called Zersetzung, meaning rust, corrosion, decay and similar things.
switch the coffee with decaf but leave it in the original container, short-sheet the bed, fill their bathtub with deadly water vipers, and put a rubber band around the handle of the spray nozzle at the sink so it splashes them.
Flip all the batteries in the house so the ends are on the wrong side. Remotes and stuff won't work but I think some people will open it, see there are batteries and close it again.
Flip all the toilet paper rolls the opposite way they had it.
If they squeeze their toothpaste from the end, squeeze it in the middle. If they squeeze from the middle, squeeze it from the end.
Swap criss-crossing/straight barred laced shoes.
Swap CFL and incandescent light bulbs.
Smash a hole in the wall, put an open safe inside the wall with a note, "I knew you had it, I'll be back for the rest, you better not be here when I return"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:05:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There was a show, about 10-12 years ago, called It Takes a Thief...
It aired on Discovery and only ran for two seasons (because, I suspect, they had pretty much run it as far as they could), but it was great if you wanted to learn about how residential burglaries happen.
Anyway, the hosts were two former burglars, and the main guy who would do the actual break-ins, Jon Rainey, mentioned a couple times that one thing he used to like to do as a teenager when he broke into someone's house to fuck with them was to steal all the batteries from the remotes :)
Rearrange the kitchen cupboards, half close the water stop cocks, empty a bottle of washing up liquid into the toilet cistern, demagnetise the fridge and freezer door seals and replace all the toilet roll with single ply.
Alarm clocks. Any existing ones, set them incorrectly. Then, buy a few cheap battery operated ones. Set several of them up in hidden spots. All to the same time, and make it like 2 AM.
I would do their taxes wrong so the IRS audits the shit out of them, cut the bottom off their shower curtain so people can see their dicks, flood the bathroom with towels in the sink, tie multiple knots in all the clothes in their closets and leave an ominous message with fire on their lawn.
Steal their dishsoap. I seriously think someone did that to me and my roommates because one day it was just gone. Nobody had any clue how it could have went missing. Full, almost brand new bottle, never to be seen again. So yeah, I think that'd be a good one.
Whenever I go to a house of someone with ocd I'm gonna make their house unorganized and for any house I break into I will leave chucky dolls in random places like the toilet bowl or a closet
juusman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:14:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all their furniture precisely a couple of inches over. I'd be annoyed but also couldn't figure out why I'd be bumping into things all the time.
I'd re programme the keys on all the keyboards in the house, like on their computers and phones. Make it so that pressing number 1 would enter a letter etc.
I'll try to act like a ghost. Closing/opening pantry doors, making squeeking noise, rattling chains, rearrange the magnets on the fridge, misplace pens and messing with the television.
The best afterlife a ghost could ask for
Take all of the caps off of their milk/soda/water and put them onto bottles of different colors. It could trigger an entire family! And leave all of their spoons in a frozen block of ice in the freezer. That way ice cream couldn't solve their problems either!
Pour gallons water on the coushons of their seats and bedsheets, especially before they retire from work in the evening.
I0I0I0I ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:16:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Heh reminds me of a drunken teenage night... 3AM... It was a kind of upscale neighborhood of single family homes, many of which had concrete sentinel statues of things like gargoyles, lions sitting, lions prone, owls, etc., many of which were not cemented to the stoops. So we swapped them around. Wish I could have been there the next day to see the reactions.
The_M4G ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:16:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange everything in their house to be on the opposite side, if able.
Steal the husbands cell phone, take it out to a strip club and fill it up with pictures and videos. Return it before morning.
Hide a llama in one of their closets. (Pro tip: tranquilize the llama)
Put a tiny batman costume on their pet.
Use their cell phones to take lots of pictures of them sleeping.
Leave a "Vote for Hillary" sign on their nightstand.
Replace their pants with identical copies that are slightly longer. Repeat every few days.
Send sexy texts to a random person in their cell phone contacts, from their cell phone. If they have any naughty pictures on their cell phone, send those too.
Every night break in and refill their cereal. See how long it takes them to figure out that their cereal is unending.
Give their pet a haircut. Maybe dye it pink.
In the toddlers room draw lots of disturbing "kill mommy" style images on everything.
Mess with the picture setting on their tv, unpair remotes, change hookups (ie switch ps4 and xbox hdmi cables, etc) also switch audio cables so left is right and right is left.
If they have a silverware drawer/box with sections for different utensils (ie: one for forks, one for knives, spoons etc.) go in there and switch around each section. Also, you can change what dishes go into what cupboards.
Re-wire their home alarm system to play hardcore porn audio every time a door or window opens. And I would find a way to seal the control system shut so they couldn't deactivate it easily :)
An elderly neighbour was convinced someone was repeatedly breaking in to her house and moving her mandarins around. She'd come to my door clutching a mandarin saying "I found this in the drawer! They've been in my house again!" She was extremely confused and very annoyed.
Turned out it was just Alzheimers.
:(
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:21:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd perform a factory reset on all their electronics, then I'd change all the passwords.
If they were using one of the more common Wi-Fi routers, I'd change the firmware to give myself a back door so that I could remotely disable their internet or re-direct all their web browsers to whatever website I felt like making them view.
Using sleep-hypnosis I convince the victim to ask a boring question on Ask Reddit.
Karpman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:23:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all their toothbrushes wit brand new ones, but make the new ones look slightly used. No everyone in the house will be absolutely confused as to whose toothbrush they used.
Lo2us ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:23:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thought this joke is relevant hereโฆ
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sx, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kll us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!"
I never run around in the bushes in a ski mask when Iโm breaking in someplace. Somebody catches you, whatโre you gonna say? You want to look like a legitimate visitor until the very last minute. If you canโt look legit, confused works almost as well. Maybe get a soda from the fridge or a yogurt. If youโre caught, you just act confused and apologize like crazy for taking the yogurt. Nothing could be more innocent.
A couple of "anti-capitalists" in Berlin, breaking into houses of rich people, moving furniture and causing as much hassle as they can without really causing too much damage, and leaving notes saying things like "you have too much money". Things go wrong on one of these missions, and the end up kidnapping the owner of the house. The movie kind of focuses on a love-triangle, ending up kidnapping a guy when they're just trying to send a political message (and thus turning themselves into serious criminals), and the people involved. Worth watching.
Basement. Water heater. Turn the temperature down 99F, luke warm.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:25:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
id try to recreate the pranks from the twits. slowly increasing the height of chairs, tables, walking sticks etc so they think they are shrinking is probably the best one.
I still enjoy the troll I learned while taking a class in college. The instructor was discussing the book 'Burglars on the Job'. There was on burglar who has a house key, to particular house, for over 20 years. He could go in/out anytime he please since no one knew about it. Said burglar got tired of robbing the house because there was no challenge. Now comes the part I would do and something he did: move the sofa about an inch or 2 in any direction or move a plant, just move one thing and leave. Then sit back and watch the homeowners arrive, the cops get called and nothing found stolen.
I would go in and move every piece of furniture over 1 inch, so that the people living there who are familiar with the layout, would begin bumping in to furniture that the thought they knew where it was. It would slowly become a nuisance to them that they kept tripping on and bumping into things that they once were well acquainted with. I would also break in again once they got used to this new layout and then repeat the moving process.
See how many divorces I can cause by undoing chores. I'd bring the trash back in, carefully distribute the contents of the vacuum back onto the carpet, put the dishes back in the dishwasher.
We had neighbours that had these plastic men that held up signs saying "Children playing" or whatever when their kids were out.
We stole one, took pictures of it all over the place, and gave it back before we moved. The pictures were dropped off on their doorstep periodically, then we stopped for 5 months (got lazy) and started doing it again.
Sneak into the house late at night while everyone's sleeping, set their alarm clocks 5 minutes before their job starts, mix peanut butter and mustard, put the toilet seat up, mix all the keys on the key chains, scramble the channels on the TV, delete the entire bookmark history from their laptops and dispose all the coffee in the house.
I've always loved the idea of stealing someone's TV remote then going past the house at random times and changing the channel or turning the TV off right in the middle of game of thrones.
Honest to Christ, about a month ago I was trying to get my shit together and get to work (note: I'm a slob). I dug under my bed and pulled out one shoe, but needed to find a pair, so I pulled out another... and another... and another...
In the end, I literally pulled out, not only 7 different shoes before never finding a pair, but 7 -right- shoes. I'm convinced my ex girlfriend did this to me to drive me crazy, because that seems statistically improbably. +-
Rearrange their whole kitchen. Forks are in the knife spot, pantry is completely shuffled around, spices are in the wine glass cupboard, all the cups and glasses are flipped over and in the cupboard where the plates go, everything in the fridge is shuffled around, and out all their dirty dishes into the other side of the sink. Swap around all the counter appliances so the coffee maker is where the toaster was, etc. Don't forget to reorganize their pots and pans, maybe swap them with the tupperware. Finally, reorganize their fridge magnets.
My mother in law did this when she was here for two weeks when my newest kid was born. Drove me nuts. I'm still finding shit in places it shouldn't be, like taco seasoning in the drawer with the plastic wrap or a bottle of unopened ketchup in the baking goods.
Make it really obvious that there was a break in, signs of forced entry and all the normal things, but instead of taking anything just do the dishes, vacuum the floors, dust the knick knacks, literally clean and fix everything in the house, and after you've finished just place a picture of Mr.Clean on the kitchen counter.
Sneak into their house and take the batteries out of every smoke detector. Proceed to hide smoke detectors with dying batteries all over the house, within wall vents, inside couches, and behind heavy furniture. Place hidden cameras within house, and sit back to watch homeowners go abso-fucking-lutely neurotic while trying to stop the incessant chirping noise coming from all over the house. The only thing worse than a smoke detector chirping to remind you of a dying battery is 100 hidden smoke detectors doing it at the same time, and not being able to find them ! If this happened to me, I'd probably just burn down my own house.
arb93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:29:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
if they had multiple gang light switches i would weekly change the wiring around so each switch powers a different light
Every night I would go into the house and take one sock. Over time the confusion of the socks disappearing will soon cause tension as the search for socks is always the most frustrating in the morning. This will then escalate to accusations of each others and the frustration will build. Then one day, after I have been at it for a while, I will return the socks. The socks will all be folded, not with a match though, continuing the frustration and confusion.
Set all of the clocks back several hours so they wake up at 4am instead of 7am. Replace their shoes with one size smaller. Switch their toothpaste with their foot cream. Switch all of their lights to make it slightly dimmer. Put a psychiatric help line on their speed dial.
I would leave textbooks or political books on how established government parties that profess to be conservative or liberal don't actually represent you or what you believe in.
naunga ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:30:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I only break into married people's houses. I move one spouse's keys next to the other's. I stand outside and enjoy the, "why the hell do you keep moving my keys??"
I would break in before everyone wakes up to go to work and hide all the keys I could find, somewhere like in the freezer or in the pots and pans cubbard.... so when they have to leave to get to work and think they know where their keys are...bam! I would do that only on Monday and Wednesday mornings. The worst days of the week.
Change the places of pictures on the walls. For example move the one that has been in the living room to the kitchen and so on.
My boyfriend and his friends used to do this in their friend house and it really fucked up his mind. (They also hide macaroni everywhere but that's another story)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:31:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the silverware and cooking utensils and hide them somewhere in the house
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:31:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Having done this multiple times before, Move peoples cars in a car park.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:32:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have been doing this for five years and so far no one has noticed.
My wife has different sets of wall decor throughout the house; like a giant wood fork and spoon set, a set of four 12"x12" barn paintings, two red/two white, vintage candle sconces with mirrors, etc. We have also accumulated family pictures with our kids as they grow too. Pretty much everything has a place and adds to the theme of the room it is in.
The first year it was just one thing, I just swapped the places of the wooden fork and spoon. Genius! Except you could see the different dust outlines so I ended up having to dust....worth it. The next year I swapped the arrangement of two sets; nothing is moved, just placement of the set. Year 5 just passed and I rearranged five different sets. I honestly thought this would be the year since we just moved into this place in May and she had basically just unpacked everything and decorated with her stuff.
Well, apparently, I would drunkenly break in and try to find somewhere to sleep, thinking it was my own house. Because I did that in April. Still facing burglary charges on that....
nadarko ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:32:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into their house and program a universal remote to their TV. I keep the remote and drive past every few days and turn it on or change the channel.
I would open their fridge and tighten every cap on every thing in the as tight as I could. From their move to their bathroom and flip the toilet paper to dispense in an under hand fashion. Hopefully, they don't have their computer password protected, clear their bookmarks, set Internet Explorer as their default browser and for good measure, add a bunch of tool bars to it. Since I'm on their computer, I might as well change their WiFi network name.
Make a picture with their camera of you putting their toothbrush in your asshole. They probably wont immediatly notice that you did this (cause who checks their past photo's everytime) which means they will probably brush their teeth with the brush which means they put your poo in their mouths.
Misschief managed
Jimjule ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:35:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd remove and hide all of the light bulbs in the house, but I'd put them somewhere they'd find them after a few days. They'd buy more and then eventually have loads of spare bulbs.
Imagine you're some full time contractor + part time burglar. What if you scoped out a house for a few months and came upon a discovery that the family you have been spying on is soon going on a vacation. Then, while they are on vacation, you remove all the belongings from the house, bust that sucker down, and build the a mirrored version of the house! Then put everything where it once was, but mirrored! That would be a total mind fuck.
Paint the doorknobs inside the house in different colors. You could also label everything with a label maker, leave notes on the back of the bathroom door, and put daily use items in different rooms on the highest shelf.
You just move things. That's it. Maybe switch the garden gnome from the left side to the right. Or slide their dining room table four inches to the right. Switch out pictures. Stuff like that.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:38:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
tom641 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:39:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave bizarre sayings on post-it notes, or possibly attempts at helpful advice or supportive messages. But make sure to use different colors for different kinds of messages.
Turn all the toilet rolls round the other way. Would work best for people living on their own, since everyone has a preference of which way round it should be.
tstd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:39:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide the remote control for the TV. They'd never know it was stolen, just misplaced. It could ruin lives..
Then after they've got confused and start cleaning the oil from every handle they'll inevitabley forget some of them because they don't have as much pleasure cleaning them as I did while oiling them, and they'll find oily handles throughout the whole month, maybe even throughout the whole year. Always when they find one accidently they'll get disproportionately mad.
You know those little plastic easter eggs you can buy and put things inside? Well, I'll buy a ton of those. I'll place one in plain sight where they can see it - on the kitchen counter or on a couch. If all goes as planned, they throw it away.
The next night, I leave two, and then three, and so on. Eventually, I'll start putting them in more scattered, specific places. On top of the chandelier, inside the egg carton, in shoes. They will get progressively more infuriated and confused as more eggs show up in weird places.
After a week or two of the ever increasing eggs, I'll stop leaving them for 3 days. All the eggs will be gone. Just when they think it's all over, the next day I will have left a giant egg outside of their bedroom with a note inside that says
"You can't escape."
and following that giant egg will be a trail of small eggs, all smeared with fake blood. The trail will lead them to a lone easter bunny costume head. After that, it's time to move on to the next house.
Print out & post labels for everything in the house, but call them the wrong thing. Sewing machine would say dishwasher, dishwasher would say cat dish, sliding glass door would say sock drawer.
On the Microwave, start by leaving the timer on 10 seconds (and not pressing start). It would go by consecutive days down to 4, but afterwards, I'll just make a random order (From now on, let's call these numbers on the TV "1,2,3..." Etc.)(Whenever I take a shit and it's absolutely huge or something, etc.). Next, I'll leave the TV's on numbers 1,2,10. I'll hire a child actor with a voice similar to the family's daughter or son. On days 4,7,9, the child will call to the father randomly with the message, "Save me, Frank" (If his name is Frank, then Squidward). I'll hire another actor (Heck, if the child actor has a mom, I'll hire her too. I'm not the devil). On days 5 and 6, she will wear all black as if she's at a funeral. She'll knock on the door and start weeping, until shaking her head and running away all of the sudden. On days 2 and 4, I'll get substance that looks like blood, dip both of my hands on them, and put them only on all of the cereal boxes in their cabinets.
On the final day, I'll just go to the house with someone behind me holding up and recording with a smart phone (vertically). After I knock and they answer, I ask, "Do you know why God punished the Egyptians for 10 days? And do you know what happened on the last day"
I then suddenly jump back, take off my shirt, and squirm all over the floor. I will tell "ITS JUST A PRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANK BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUH." I will continue this until I get taken away by the police.
Kinda not an answer to the question, but I think it fits: As a teenager, I always thought it would be hilarious to steal a stranger's car, get it detailed, washed, and waxed, fill up their tank, return it, and get the hell out of Dodge.
Take everyone's left shoe and bake it till it becomes a giant left blob. Then I'll tighten the laces everyone's right shoe so that they can't just slip their foot in anymore.
First- toast all their bread and put it back in the loaf.
Then- rearrange the cereal in all of their boxes to be incorrect.
Finally- change all of the labels on spices and jars in the kitchen.
Maybe move the dishes into the drawer and the utensils in the cabinet's
I break into a bank vault in the middle of the night and TP it and lock it up when I'm done without stealing anything.
Eephus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:42:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Install some kind of electronic chip in the smoke detectors that cause them to chirp at random intervals regardless of battery status
pacguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:43:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd just come in and flip all the toilet paper so it's hanging backwards.
RPtheFP ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:43:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had a class in high school where a law enforcement instructor came in. He used to be a detective and said the one case he was never able to crack was a person that would break into a house at night and shit on the carpet. He said it happened to about 10 homes before it just stopped.
Remove 1 button from random dress shirts in the closet. Empty out their ketchup or other condiments but put the bottle back. Use the toilet but not flush. Throw a bunch of clean clothes in the dirty laundry bin. Hide any electronic charging cables/headphones I can find. If the person is reading any books I'd move their bookmark to a different place. Change all the clocks so their all about 5 mins slow. Leave a bunch of crumbs on the counter and hope they get ants. Then I'd go through their browser history on all of their computers just cause.
montyjr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:43:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break in to house. Place piece of frozen fish in air duct. Wait for it to thaw. Smell ensues. For better effect, place frozen fish cubes behind the electrical socket plates.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:44:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put all their toilet paper on the holder the wrong way round
Did this to a friend, broke into his house while he was at work and replaced everything in his livingroom with everything in his bedroom. He was very confused.
Fill one of the bathtubs in the house with water and dump in a bunch of fish (preferably peaceful fish so they don't kill each other). Leave a jar of fish food by the tub with a note that says to feed them twice a day and take care of them. You can also do this with smaller fish in the sinks.
I used to move plants around in peoples front yards when I went for walks. Nothing big. A few inches here or there or turned in facing the other direction but over a hundred walks in the same neighborhood I am sure some people where fairly confused.
I'd take all of their food out of the refrigerator and smear it all over the bathroom doors, then I would put all of their shoes where the chilled food once was.
"Okay, okay! I'll tell you! It is so great! I sneak into people's houses, take things off their tables and shelves, and put them into barrels! Hahaha! Isn't that rich? They think the things are stolen, but no! They are right there! They just don't know!" -Otumeel, TES IV: Oblivion
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:46:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Manson family actually did this before their homicidal spree. They would break into houses and move furniture around. That is how Manson trained his followers to quietly break into places.
Switch the contents of the shampoo and conditioner bottles.
WDC1991 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:47:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plug toilet/throw plunger in bushes.
Put gay porn magazines under sons mattress/islamic terrorist propaganda under mattress.
Plant cannabis seeds all over yard and hope the family doesn't realize what they are for a while after they sprout.
Cocaine in toothpaste/piss in apple juice container.
then I proceed to call the cops a few weeks later as a concerned neighbour and tell them about how the parents are drugging their children/son joined isis/parents growing pot plants everywhere
A la Matilda, replace someone's hair oil (or w/e that was) with bleach, and a la Amelie, switch the locks on every single door so the outside knob is on the inside and the inside knob is on the outside. Hahaha
I would move everything in the house an inch and a half to the left so that way they would know something was different but they could pinpoint exactly what
When we lived in Colombia, there was some holiday where you were supposed to leave your lights off, but we didn't know about it. Someone broke in and stole our fuses from the electric box.
Zapkin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:47:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Since its the summer sale you could buy a few games on steam that are really stupid and dirt cheap so they don't ever remember buying it, but slowly work your way up to Triple A titles and for every game you install you have to uninstall 2.
idavidl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:48:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all their plates in the cup shelf and put all their cups and glasses in the plate/bowl shelf
Confuse- Fold all of their blankets, wash their dishes, and just generally tidy up
Annoy- move all dishes to a new cabinet. Switch out chairs in a room. Rearrange the furniture. Move a couple of things outside. Take out all of their clothes from their closet and throw them across the room. Hide their TVs
spoons and fork in the drawer.
Mugs and glasses
Socks and boxers
Just things that don't seem to be in the wrong place if you don't know that place before
Put things in the freezer. I'd start off with simple things from the fridge that could just be autopilot mistakes. And move up to weirder and weirder things. Car keys, pet food, shoes.
Take all their door handles off and put them back on reversed so they have to lift the handle up to open the door.
jhp58 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:49:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would do what Frank Reynolds does. I would fill out the persons tax forms completely wrong and mail them in so in a few months they end up getting audited.
ftbc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:49:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find the breaker box. Plan a path from the front door to there. Turn off a few breakers in specific places so they will immediately find a room with the power out and so the door to the breaker box is darkened.
Cover the open door with saran wrap coated with a thin layer of glue. Above that would be a envelope full of glitter that would tip when they walk into the plastic.
Move every piece of furniture two inches to the right
CyFus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:50:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
steal every working phone charger and replace it with broken ones, also steal every micro usb cable and replace them with mini usb cables
Shiftie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:50:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A friend of mine get's a little bit crazy when has been drinking. He is a very good climber and one thing he does is breaking into dormitories in the middle of the night and leaving whatever weird stuff he finds on the streets inside student rooms. He started out by doing it with people he knew, now also random people are victim. Two weeks ago he left the torso of a CPR manikin that he found in the trash in the shower of one poor guy on campus.
Great guy!
samlev ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:51:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all of their DVDs and BlueRays with "Paul Blart, Mall Cop". Replace all their CDs with the soundtrack to "Paul Blart, Mall Cop". Leave the mangled body of Kevin James tied to a chair in the dining room. Replace all of their books with the complete vision-impared subtitles for "Paul Blart, Mall Cop". Replace all photos with the poster for "Paul Blart, Mall Cop". Replace all of their clothes with mall cop uniforms that have "Paul Blart" on the name tags. Finally, change the desktop picture on their PC to a picture of "Billy Maddison".
Tidy their house, hospital grade. Then replace all of their bedding with their towels, and draw dicks on the door handles. Then leave, having stolen nothing but laughter.
Steal everything that has a left to it, sock, shoes, all the left side of plates, cups, bowls. Leave the left cabinets open, steal all the eggs on the left side of the container.
Probably more annoy than anything but I would put gelatin in shampoo, wine (not sure if that would turn gelatinous), ice cubes. I don't know why I would do this, just to do a more "wtf why is my hair goopy?"
Oh take the stolen eggs, empty the inside and tie a fish string through it, then tie it to a thumbtack, attach to ceiling. Call it art.
I didn't have brothers or sisters. I have a back up of being a pest apparently.
While they are sleeping I would take their alarmclock and place it just outside their room and then lock their bedroom from the outside. And also lock every other door from the outside.
Ha! I used to do this to my pill-popping co-worker when I was in sales:
Scotch tape over the optical eye on their laser mouse. For those of you who don't know- it blocks the sensor and makes the mouse not function.
I'd do this about once a week at first. Then I did it more frequently until he knew what it was, take the tape off and yell "Fuck you pisspantmcgee" from his cubicle.
Then one day I put the tape on but also turned the battery around. (It was a wireless mouse.) This totally threw him off and he had a customer at his desk when it went down.
The next day when I came in he tried to laugh it off but I could tell he wanted to kill me.
Shift everything in the house a few inches in random directions. Not enough for the change to be noticeable but just enough so you can feel that something is not quite right.
Switch mayonnaise for miracle whip and vise versa. Wouldn't switch containers, just the contents. Wasabi in the relish. Leave all bread bags OPEN. Turn the heat up a tad, or down.
In order to be a burglar, you must break and enter the dwelling of another at night with the intent to commit a felony therein, so whatever annoying thing you plan on doing better be a felony.
Pour a small amount of water on the floor and paint the ceiling above it a shade darker, then they will think they have a leak
ledzeps ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:53:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Outside every door in the house, install speakers, that at random times in the day, play a knocking sound. Make it louder at night, so it's guaranteed to make them wake up.
Reminds me of that Dane Cook joke about breaking in and breaking down the doors just to fuck with them. I know he catches a lot of flak here, but honestly when I first heard that bit it had me Santa-style belly laughing.
When you leave your garage open go into your house and steal your ice cream machine which makes you buy a second ice cream maker. Once you've done that i go through your opened garage and return the first ice cream maker
awvoor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:55:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Smash the door in, break windows, knock over furniture, pull out the drawers, make a complete mess of the house, but don't take a single thing. So the family is left in confusion, constantly trying to figure out what is missing for years to come, with no avail.
You just move stuff around their bathroom like put their toothbrush where their razor goes, and razor where the tooth brush is just so they are like man I was in a hurry to leave I guess. But you replace something with an SD Card. Somwhere conspicuous but harder to find.
What's on the SD card you ask? Photos of you shaving your butthole and shoving the toothbrush up your ass.
Pinstar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pee on the toilet seat. Open the refrigerator door and leave it open.
Only target married couples for maximum chaos the next morning.
Change the way their toilet paper is set. Over... Then under.
Then subtly shit in their litter box.
C-Love ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Easy. Just go in theough a window that a roommate left open next to an unlocked door, into a room with a nice tv, 3 gaming systems, and a very high dollar set of speakers and take...the shittiest tablet to ever exist, leaving the charger behind.
Or something like that. It works, from my experience
i lived in an apartment in brooklyn with my best friend, we'll call her leslie, and we were good friends with the kids who lived in the apartment just behind ours. one day, the neighbours and i teamed up to switch couches. when leslie came home, she put her stuff down and grabbed a drink, and then just stood in the living room for a bit, looking around. "what's up with the couch?" "what do you mean?" "what do you mean, 'what do i mean?' this is not our couch!" "um..." i played totally stupid for about an hour. what kept her confused was that she knew the couch; we were friends with our neighbours and hung out at their place regularly, so it wasn't totally foreign. i really had her going for a bit.
so anyway, if i were a burglar, i'd watch and see if i could recreate that situation because it was terribly satisfying and funny.
Plant a trail of notes spread all throughout the house with each note leading you to the next. With each note it will seem more and more enticing to finish the hunt, with prizes or money offered at the end, only to complete the hunt and find the last note reading "The Game."
Open up and add a penny to a phone/remote/controller and seal it back up. I'd keep coming back over weeks and weeks adding another penny each time so they never noticed the change in weight, then one night I'd remove them all so they'd end up accidently throwing things around because they're now super light.
This question reminds me of the film The Edukators. The characters break into the homes of rich people and move shit around. IIRC the idea was to send a message about materialism and a reminder that they weren't as safe as they may have thought they were.
Change their desktop/phone's background. Not to anything extreme, either. Just something different to make them say "I don't remember changing my wallpaper to this..."
I'd put all small electrical appliances in hard to open clamshell packaging, and take their scissors. I'd give them some new scissors, with the same packaging.
In the movie Amelie, the main character does something like this to a nasty grocer in her neighborhood.
She replaces his slippers several times with smaller and smaller identical pairs. She changes his doorknob around so the lever side and knob sides are reversed. She replaces his light bulbs with old buzzing, flickering ones. Resets all his clocks to the wrong time. And finally, puts salt in his brandy, unplugs his lamp, drives a pin through the cord near the plug, and clips off the ends of the pin.
Edit: I forgot, she also changes the speed dials on his phone to the psychiatric hotline
Unplug all of their appliances and chargers, nothing in any sockets of that hime
seign ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stolen from 4chan but I'd scoop out a bunch of butter from his tub of butter and then take a shit in it. Then I'd cover the top back up with butter and even it out like it hasn't been touched.
I would soak all their clothes and hide all their heat sources to dry them. Nothing more annoying than wet socks and being late because you have no clothes
Use a label maker and paste everything with labels. Move the expensive stuff outside and have a "garage sale". ๐
mhuuut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a teenager's I used to walk around the fancy gated neighborhood across from mine and search for open windows to sneak in and I would just raid the fridge. I drank so much oj it's ridiculous.
Go to an Asian Grocery store and buy fertilized eggs with unborn chicks in them. (It exists - I have had them before...). Replace "normal" eggs with fertilized chick eggs. Next time they make an omelet, surprise!!
This is actually a true story. My roommate in college would constantly raid the fridge without asking and leave one egg left in the carton. I always purchased them and left notes many times. He knew I would share if he asked. I just needed to know if I should buy more next time I was at the store. Nope - he didn't even have the courtesy to do that. After he raided the eggs three times, he cracked an unborn chick into a frying pan. Problem solved. I do not even think he eats eggs anymore.
Glue all the furniture to the ceiling, exactly mirroring the original position.
zerza ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:01:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Night by night I'd change small but noticable details so they eventually think they're becoming delusional.
At first I'd start of by switching places with knifes and forks or putting their toothbrush upside down. Step by step I start turning some of their books upside down so they think it's morse code. Do their laundry or cut peoples faces out of pictures will come next.
Eventually I would start placing newspaper articles of a politician in every room. They clean it up, I put more down. Until one day I feel like the grasp of insanity has gripped them hard enough. That's when I put all those articles up and write in capital letters how all of it is relatable to the strange things happening around the house. Along side it all I will place a big plan to murder said politician.
By this point they will turn themselves over to the police. And bish bash bosh a new 3 room condo has just opened up and I swoop in and enjoy the memories I carved into those walls
I would first buy some walmart stock picture frames, universal remotes and a set of dishes.
I'd go to one house and replace their TV remote with a universal one, then I'd replace a few of their family photos with the stock picture frames and replace a set of dishes with the dishes I just bought.
Now HERE'S where the fun happens.
The next house I would be replacing their family photos with the previous photos I had gotten. So imagine going home and seeing photos of some other family on your wall. Then wondering why your remote is gone and why your dishes are replaced. The other members of the family would just blame each other and say the prank isn't funny.
I'd hear about it on the news and there would be this huge swap meet where people would go there to get their stuff back but l but I'd show up and it would be a never ending annoyance.
I would empty condiments like ketchup and mayo and mustard so when the person that does the shopping thinks they're empty and buys more. While they're at the store I would refill them so they get confused as to why they bought it. I would then eat all the pickles, because..pickles.
mrboris ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:02:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not necessarily what I would do, but in the comic Enigma there is a villain group called the Interior League that breaks into homes and rearranges the furniture in such a way that the people who live there suffer a psychotic breakdown and murder each other.
I change their preset radio stations in all of their cars
ghasp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:02:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reorganize their entire kitchen- suddenly their silverware would be in a different drawer, their glasses and plates would switch shelves, their fridge would be mixed up and their spices would have different labels.
Finnaly a question i can answer !!! i want to do this for so long, i would paint their mailbox. and probably hide their tv remote if its a family in one of the kids their rooms so they wil take the blame
In the kitchen: Bend every pot just enough so no tops fit right. And tweak all cookie sheets so they don't sit flat now.
Here's the smallest thing of all: spray paint over the oven's pilot flame. Or go down cellar and disconnect the electronic start on the hot water heater. Or rearrange a few plugs on the furnace board.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:03:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would just slightly rearrange kitchen cabinets and drawers...
manaf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:03:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the locations of everything in the fridge. Switch hdmi inputs. Hide the TV remote in the least used shoe. Deflate 2 tyres. Drink the milk and return and empty carton to the fridge.
Replace everything in the house with a small scale version of the same thing- tiny furniture, food, cars etc. so when they wake up they think they are GIANTS!!!
I thought this was one of those Are You a Psychopath riddle questions.
Joodz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:04:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My friend and I were drunk one night, we were on a vacation with a few of our other mates and their girlfriends.
So we decided, while everyone was sleeping, to clean the entire house and then place plastic cups full of water covering the floor in the kitchen.
We had the cups color coordinated to spell out "MAD?"
We had minimal sleep and even less sleep since everyone woke up and started yelling at us.
Replace ever plug socket in their house with ones from another country (e.g. replace US ones with British), do a different room every week in no particular order.
Put small Donald Trump stickers about the house in inconspicuous places.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:05:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably do nothing. Then they can spend all their lives wondering "what the fuck did they take"
I'd imagine them running out of batteries on something and thinking "that must've been it" as they slowly go insane with paranoia. Either that, or I'd break in and leave something like a lava lamp or something
Install speakers in obscure locations that only activate at specific times if they sense no motion. The sounds could be little girls laughing, coughing, gun cocking sounds, that tunnel speech from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, cries of the carrots from the Tool album, Hitler speeches, dogs barking etc. Duration and intensity would be adjusted to prevent discovery.
toleran ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:05:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I actually knew a rather sketchy guy who claimed he'd raided a few houses for food. He said he'd just walk in, make a sandwich and leave. Can't confirm, but knowing the guy, I believe it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:05:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn their little penguin figurine away from due north.
Use ingredients in their kitchen to make various cake and cookie batters but don't bake any of them. Leave them sitting out too long so even if they tried to bake them they wouldn't be too great.
Start acquiring roadkill, all sizes and species. Find a house with a small dog and a doggy door. Start leaving the roadkill on top of the dogs bowl every night. Utilize bits of real meat soaked in red food coloring so dogs muzzle looks the part and a convincing blood trail from the doggy door.
Pro tip: Start small (squirrels, rabbits) and slowly get to bigger cats and eventually a deer or something. Final night you will use a fake human arm from a Halloween costume. By that time owners will be so convinced of their dogs bloodlust they will immediately assume their dog has moved onto humans (this may be the time to tell them "it was just a prank, bro").
shyhalu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:06:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd just start living in the house, nothing more annoying than a squatter.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:06:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move some random things 1cm to the right/twist them a little everyday. May lead to some confusion or stubbed toes.
Either that or break their toilet/have it overflow.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:07:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is gonna get buried but assuming I had a lot of time... I'd take apart their WiFi router and put tin foil on the inside so they'd never get good WiFi again. Then they'd have to call customer service and we all know how annoying it is to do that
I would take the batteries out of everything. Land line, tv remotes, uh whatever else needed batteries. Then I would put them all in a bag and throw in a bunch of dead batteries.
Have you ever seen the movie Amelie? There's a part of the movie (I can't find a clip of it so if someone else can, I would really appreciate it) where Amelie breaks into a guys house and starts messing with all his stuff. For example, she replaces his slippers with an identical pair a size or two smaller; she takes the doorknob off his bathroom door and puts it on so the inside handle is outside and vice versa; she replaces all the bulbs in his house with ones that buzz; she sets his alarm 2 or so hours early; and there's a whole bunch of other stuff too. It's quite devious.
grc207 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:08:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into someone's house and just move everything about, swap photos and paintings around, swap knives and forks in the cutlery draw, move people's stuff into others rooms, and install cameras and watch them be confused as fuck!
Fudgaj ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:08:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move some food around the fridge, move their clothes, move everything, than I start living in their attic and act like a ghost.
My mom's house got broken into a couple years ago. Nothing was stolen. They just smashed holes in the walls and threw a chair down the basement stairs. The fucked up thing was that they smashed every tv remote and every cordless phone in the house. My poor mother was very disturbed by that.
Mess up their tv and channel service so that the lips are de-synced from their voices. Once they get used to it, I'll break in again and fix it, and then they have to get used to that.
I'd also create copies of files on their computers, and the copy being a picture of a fedora. They don't know which is the fedora and which is the actual document.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:09:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tilt all pictures slightly to the left. Change toilet paper from over hang to under. Empty the ice trays then put them back. Let loose a box of crickets. Take a single bite out of all their cheese and lastly, replace every dvd in house with Pauly Shore movies.
I'd put all their DVDs or CDs, assuming they own any, into the wrong boxes in random orders. Here's hoping people still own physical copies because cloud storage and Spotify and Netflix could really put me into retirement
Round up all the shoes in the house then take all the left foot shoes and hide them in a good spot. The family will have to buy all new shoes with one shoe on and then will eventually find the left shoes.
Scylinz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:09:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Given enough time, move all of their belongings over about 2 inches in any given direction. Also add an inch or remove an inch from each of their stairs randomly.
They won't notice a thing but they'll suddenly be a lot more clumsy
I think I'd just neatly put a cookie or two (assuming it's a good size) in their VCR/ DVD player. I mean you'd probably be pissed if you were going to put in a movie and found a fucking cookie in your player, however at the same time I'd be hard to be angry about finding a free cookie.
Or maybe I'm just thinking that because I'm poor AF...
Before charles manson killed people, him and his gang would break into homes and (in complete silence) re-arrange people's entire furniture set-up. he did it frequently without waking people up and scared the shit out of a lot of angelinos
Saw a video of this but can't find it again. Take a picture of their family photos, use Snapchat face morphs to make them look weird, print off, tape over their faces in the photos
Step 1: Unplug every chord from the wall and hide chargers for phones, laptops, tablets, and other portable electronics. Probably hide each one in a different room. Put some in cups, some in socks, some in towels.
Step 2: Change all the drawers in the kitchen contents around, repeat in bedrooms.
Step 3: Gorilla glue some doors shut and put maple syrup on door handles. Probably glue every door shut but the ones that lead to the electrical control. Also fill the keyholes on the outside of the house with super glue.
Step 4: Remove all light bulbs and place them somewhere weird, like the toilet bowl.
Step 5: Find a hair dryer and fill it with flour. (I think this is called "antiquing." Saw this on YouTube, just amazing outcome.)
Step 6: Switch around furniture contents of every room. Or put all the furniture in one room.
Step 7: Reprogram the garage so it will not open with their openers or their code (if the home has a garage).
Step 8: Shut off all the water.
Step 9: Find circuit breaker and shut down the power.
I could go on and on. . .
Jcat11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:11:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would empty the ice cube tray every day and leave one cube behind.
I take nice shirts out of the closets and drawers and hide them under the couch. I move scissors from the drawer and put them in the refrigerator behind the frozen peas.
zeroUSA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:12:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If they are a younger couple with no children, place items around the home for them to find that will lead one into thinking the other is hinting at wanting to have a baby. Place an empty classic style bottle in the medicine cabinet. Search for diapers, cribs, toys, etc on Amazon so their suggestions change. Place the book "what to expect when you are expecting" next to a chair. Ship maternity clothing to the home. Buy prenatal vitamins and place them in the kitchen. It's the little things that will go far.
Find something they consume or use daily, such as one handful of peanuts or one can of Coke they eat/drink daily. Then just replace it each day with the same amount. Their supply will never go out if they keep the same routine. My grandpa would do this to people at his work frequently.
This whole thread looks eerily similar to an instruction manual for the East German Stasi and parts of their operational psychology to mentally break people they saw as threats. This kind of stuff has been done for real, folks!
Throw Glitter and Confetti all over their houses, I mean EVERYWHERE. Obvious places like rugs , carpet, etc. But hidden places as well, such as shaving cream, shampoo, etc.
I woke up one morning and looked around the room. Something wasn't right. I realized that someone had broken in the night before and replaced everything in my apartment with an exact replica. I couldn't believe it...I got my roommate and showed him. I said, "Look at this--everything's been replaced with an exact replica!"
wch222 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:12:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would move and swap all the appliances to odd rooms in the house, so that each machine is not plugged in where it normally would be...
Eg: put the microwave on the floor of the laundry plugged in to where the washing machine normally is; Placing the washing machine in the kitchen where there is usually space for the fridge; And why not set up the fridge on the entertainment stand instead of the T.V and have the blender, kettle and toaster all arranged in the space intended for game consoles and DVD players.
That would be confusing, annoying as fuck... And then kinda funny
Tape a metal knife to the inside of the microwave roof. So long as the microwave isn't head height they hopefully won't know it's there until their kitchen is on fire.
Leave a note on the refrigerator that says: โI tripped over the panties you left on the kitchen floor and hit my head on the cabinet next to the sink and broke the China dish that was sitting there. The pieces are in the plastic bag next to the sink. I also put the panties in a plastic bag in case, you wanted to smell them again. Sorry for the blood stain on the cabinet. I would sue, but then being a burglar your home-owners insurance would probably deny the claim. By the way, your cream cheese has green stuff growing on it; I think you should throw it out. Your Pit-Bull dog is sweet and likes the softer treats. I think he has a bad tooth. Sorry again for the plate. The panties were well worth the bump on the head."
JesC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:12:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There is a fantastic scene in the French movie called Amelie from Montmartre in which she takes revenge on bad people by sneaking in their homes and doing all sorts of annoying things with their things... E.g. Switching foot cream with toothpaste, pinning an electric cable with a metallic pin that would cause a short circuit when lights are turned on, unscrewing the door handles so they would fall off when used... A great movie!
Every night I would steal one piece of kitchenware (plates, cutlery etc.). Until they have nothing left and are forced to buy more. Then I would slowly give the kitchenware back, until their cupboards are full and they commit suicide.
You'll have to watch your mark for a while, find a few days when they'll be away on holiday, then get your gang in & redecorate the place. Help yourself to some of their tea & biscuits, but its important that nothing goes missing & the furniture's back in the same place.
Place very strong glue on the top of the doormat, gluing their shoes to it when they get home, then steal one of every shoe from all the pairs. Then when they inevitably have to go out for more shoes, they have to go out with an odd pair
I place everything facing the opposite direction. Flip all their silverware the other way (head to toe flipped toe to head), turn their tv remots around, their pictures around, turn their dishes and cups over, everything I can think of
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:13:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Slightly move furniture enough so they notice it, but not enough that they can be 100% sure if it actually moved or not.
Remove one of every type of sock from the clothes drier.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:13:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I put dead batteries in all their electronics. Watching them blame each other till they get a divorce. Doing it over and over again. I think Dane cook did a joke about it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:13:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
unplug every currently unused electronic device so that they will always wonder why it doesn't work.
First one is to take all their eggs, carefully crack them open and empty all the contents somewhere they won't find it. Then like glue the shells back together and out them all back. Or better yet put something else inside like a little note, or some syrup or whip cream or something. That would confuse me forever.
Second one isn't as noticeable, but for people who pay attention to detail it would drive them nuts. Just move random stuff over, or forward/backward a few inches. Like the coffee table, or couch or pictures, etc. Just enough so it isn't super obvious but so that it annoys them and they can't figure out why
Break into their phones and computers. Rearrange the contact names, numbers, and email addresses. Then go to Missed Connections on Craigslist, and reply to the creepiest posts.
Empty out their shampoo containers and toothpaste tubes.
Put all of their toiletpaper back into the plastic "Charmin" bag on a weekly basis.
Empty out a drawer in their kitchen and put it all in the drawer beneath it.
Take every left shoe in the house and put them in the sink.
This actually happened during a dispute between neighbours that I'm aware of. One neighbour was accused of stealing the other neighbour's drill. The other neighbour then entered the porch of their home and stole a front door key. For months afterwards, they let themselves into the home when their neighbours were out and proceeded to carry out small tasks to fuck with their neighbour's head. Very subtle stuff, like rearranging the cutlery drawer so that the knives were where the forks should be. And they stole one shoe. Imagine how mad you must be so if you lose a a shoe in your own home and cannot find it?
I believe that they were caught eventually, however for reasons that I don't understand, they weren't charged with burglary.
I'd slowly start taking things that are super useful but rarely used. Tools from the garage, the Super huge pot everyone's mom has that just sits around, the impractically large knife in the kitchen. And just leave little notes saying, "this was dangerous, so I removed it. You're welcome"
Hide coins from different countries around the house. First they would be happy they found loose change, then sad they couldn't use it immediately. ๐
Pee in the toilet tank so when they flush more pee comes out.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:15:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So I used to do this actually. When I was in college, and usually when drunk, I would test all of the handles on parked cars that I walked by until I found one that was unlocked. If I found one I'd hope in and rearrange everything in the car. I never took anything, just moved enough shit around that the owner would be thoroughly confused.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:15:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Actually had a conversation about this the one night at work. Just go into a specific room and only take their lamp shades and do it weekly.
OJtuna ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:15:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change out their dresser drawers in a different arrangement. Same with the kitchen cabinets, silverware too. Rename all their computer files (documents are now Pictures). Uninstall their preferred browser and set IE as default. Rearrange their living and the set up wouldn't make sense at all. Or make the living room the dining room and vise versa. Hide their shoes throughout the whole house.
Change all the furniture around, or even buy a better tv. Change the kitchen set up, put all pots, pans, plates, cutlery in different draws, paint all the ceilings black. Slightly tint all windows so it looks dull out
No_559 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:15:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If it's a single man's house put all toilet seats down.
Single female, all toilet seats up...
Married couples- unhinge the toilet seat
Azzizzi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:15:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide "interesting" porn in easy-to-find places.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:15:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I take their things, and hide them in barrels. They think their things are stolen, but they are not. They are in the barrels.
When I was in college our neighbors and my roommates had a rival going on house pranks, so essentially doing these exact acts. One of the best ones was that our house got hammered one night and woke up to our entire living room placed on the driveway in the exact manner it was in the living room. Rug and lamps, couches, etc.
We then snuck into their house while they were all gone and removed all of the light bulbs to any lighting fixture in the entire house when they were all at a bar one night. When they returned home, the couldn't see a thing.
Flip random objects upside down. I did this in college whenever I was left alone for more than a second, it's (mostly) harmless and I always took credit for it anyway. Then I made the mistake of flipping somebody's flag... Her roommate, nicest person in the world, tore me a new one for that
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:15:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rewire the light switches so they work the opposite way, and if there are multiple switches on one panel change which switch does what. Continue to do so every 1-30days following the last change.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:16:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's a German film called The Edukators (Die fetten Jahre sind vorbei in Germany) where three people break in to rich people's houses and re-arrange their furniture. I'd do that. It would mess with people's heads loads.
Only do very subtle things. Dig out and replace their house plants with similar but noticeable different plants, slightly move their TV and other furniture a couple centimeters. Never change something so much they would notice in one night but increasingly do it over several nights/weeks.
larsole ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:16:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find a camera. Take a single picture of all their tooth brushes sticking out of your butt. Put everything back in its place.
I will hide every left shoe in hard to find places. Attic, crawlspace, back of the closet.
Iokuas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:17:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I take all of the contents of their pantry and fridge and swap their packaging. Everything remains where it should, as I'm being inconvenient and not trying to ruin their food, they'll simply have to figure out what is in what box or container.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:17:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break in once a night, replace the reddit bookmarks on all their PCs with 9Gag bookmarks.
elmarc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:17:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap the Hot and Cold water lines under the bathroom sink.
catz342 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:17:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into someone's house and turn the toilet paper so that when you grab it it comes out under the roll, (or vice versa depending on how you found it.)
serosis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:17:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
De-program the universal remote at any random night of my choosing. Repeatedly.
Add things to their junk drawer.
They now have five cats and two dogs.
Leave a totaled car in their driveway.
Bond their front door shut with two part resin.
Also their windows as well.
Dr_What ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:17:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait till it's winter time. Then go through the house and turn on all their faucets, showers and hoses. Not only will their water bill be outrageous, if it gets cold enough everything will freeze!
Oh damn I used to actually do this to my parents on April fools day. Change the clocks, switch random pieces of furniture, ie recliner at the dinner table, swap the big tv and little one, stuff like that.
Finally something i can comment on.
My neighbor, growing up in central oklahoma, was kinda my mentor. Tell me stories, fishing, archery, whatnot.
Well one day he told me that when he was a teenager, he would break into houses and take remote controls, then once all the remotes were gone in town, he went around taking left shoes.
I actually do this all the time. I look for key rings in people's coat pockets and move them under piles of junk mail. I go in people's laundry and throw single socks into the garbage. I go behind people's TVs or PCs and tangle up their cords. You know, standard stuff.
I put a mannequin in my friends bathroom and it has been bugging him for months to figure out who put it there, he has it dresses up holding a towel now
Set all of the alarm clocks in the house to alarm a few minutes apart during the early morning hours. As soon as they lay back down, another one begins...
If they keep cash in-house, or use HRC-level security for their online banking, I'd occasionally (2-3 times per year, tops) use their own money to pay one of their utility bills the day it arrives in the mail.
For 2-5 days they'd wonder "Hey why hasn't the bill arrived yet?" then upon inquiring with the utility company, find that they'd already paid it.
In the book Infinite Jest there's a career thief who as revenge on a prosecutor, breaks into his home, stacks all their valuables in the front room and leaves. The investigation shows nothing missing, but a month later the thief mails the prosector photos of his and his wife's toothbrushes up his ass.
Skrie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:18:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Changed all the light switches in their house so they're reversed
Switch their keyboard layout from Qwerty to azerty. They are almost the same except for a few key differences which will drive them insane. Most notably ctrl-z becomes ctrl-q, exiting the application instead of undoing.
I would open every perfume bottle in their house,pour out the perfume oil,and replace it with fish sauce.
Aross88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:18:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would replace all of there photos with ones i stole from other houses and change the numbers around on the front of the house, then i would reorganize all the furniture and unscrew all the lightbulbs.
Davos10 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:18:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would switch all of the drawers in the house. For example, I would put the silver ware drawer in the spatula drawer. Not enough to worry about, but enough to make them question.
Leave something laying around to make my previous presence known, and then just leave. Like just set a Big Mac meal on the middle of the dinner table. From that day on they will always be like "what the fuck is missing!?"
Phalty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:19:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take everything in there house that can be, and turn it all upside down
Sprinkle powered milk on all of the mattresses underneath the bed sheets. When they sweat during the night it will all soak into the mattress and go off. The only way to get rid off the smell is to ditch the mattress.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:19:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So basically the way pranks are going? I'd just bring a cameraman into their front room at early hours of the morning and record a slammin' intro to a crazy prank. That should confuse AND annoy.
Charles Manson and Gang used to do this, called it Creepy Crawly or something similar. They would rearrange people's furniture in their houses just to fuck with them.
Keep coming back every 2 - 3 days to steal all of the batteries in xbox controllers, remotes, Hell; even go all out and replace them in dollar store personal fans and fucking vibrators. Sometimes swap them with dead batteries.
Sit back and watch the family tear each other apart. Pure evil genius.
karsh36 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:20:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would put bieber memorabilia around the house, like in the closest and drawers
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:20:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove their soaps and shampoos
But leave the conditioner
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:20:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
BE and E . Break , enter and exit, i will enter the victims home, open every lock/ drawer and leave, they will forever be paranoid at what got stolen
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:20:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Install one of those goat towers in their backyard and a speaker inside that periodically bleats.
I would steal half of their socks. Just enough to where they have no remaining matching pairs. I would also give everything framed in the house a slight, dignified tilt.
Replace all their photos & desktop & mobile backgrounds with pictures of the chuckle brothers & hide 4 or 5 speakers saying "to me, to you" out of sync throughout the house.
I program their DVR to record nothing but Arrow Season 4.
CatzPwn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:21:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A family member actually once told me about a prank they did to their very drunk friend during college that could be applicable here. Basically they turned everything that wasnt nailed down in that persons room upside down. Even the decorations in the guys fish tank. So for months the guy was finding stuff that had been flipped and then getting annoyed by it.
Move their furniture slightly every night so when the get up they always stub their toe.
sstauby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:23:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place a photo of a random person from that town with all of their family photos. Eventually they will see the person and try to figure out how they know them and it will drive them crazy.
Theres a tradition kind of like this in Germany where kids will go out around town and move people's stuff. Like if someone leaves their chairs out they very well might end up on the roof.
Turn all the TP rolls around backwards, let the occupants fight about it until the whole family dies in a mass murder-suicide, then buy all their belongings on the cheap at the estate sale. It's all about the long game.
I break into peoples houses and kick down all of their doors and every time they get new ones I kick them down again and if they resort to something like those bead curtain things I go and tear them all down
Bvred ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:24:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
hide the keys in places like the fridge or cabinets
Find somewhere to hide, wait until nightfall and start to move their belongings around. I would start with small things like keys and pictures, then I would start moving TVs, gaming systems, and maybe their car.
I get onto their computer, and rearrange the names on every icon on the desktop. So World of Warcraft now has the WoW logo but says 'Excel', and the Excel logo now says 'Google Chrome', etc.
cancron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:25:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all the light bulbs in the home with slightly lower wattage ones
Not a burglar but my house once got broken into. They didnt steal much. They stole my phone, some cheap jewerly and for some reason, a box of toffifee. Our neighbour also got broken into by the same guy/guys the same day so when my dad was talking to her she asked us if we got robbed of a toffifee box. Apperently the theif had broken into our house, stole the toffifee box, ate a couple of pieces, broken into our neighbours house, and left the box there. As a kid, this made the whole process of being broken into alot easier, cause i always imagined the burglars looking like Jasper and Horace from 101 dalmatians, just two idiots that broke into my house to steal some candy.
I would remove all of the contents of their fridge and put them in the freezer. I would also take all the clothing I could find and neatly place inside the fridge. They would wake up the next morning and think that they've got Alzheimers.
Edit: You could also locate their mail and pay all of their bills for them.
I'd open every laptop / PC they owned and break a single transistor on the board so they don't work. This happened accidentally to my friend and he was so frustrated because the "geniuses" at the apple store tried to charge him ยฃ700 for a new board, talk about a waste of hardware.
onzie9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:26:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Someone broke into my car one time and stole the stereo. They also stole my registration. Clearly the registration was just to add insult to injury.
socalA2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:26:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tell them you've stolen something when in fact you didn't. They'll never find out what's "missing"
Hide a shrimp or any kind of seafood snywhere in the house so they don't know where the smell is coming from.
12124 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:27:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One time I went into a friends parents house and left sticky notes with weird messages all over. Years later they moved out and we're still finding notes behind pictures. Under things. In cabinets. That's what I would do.
If I was a burglar I would break in without leaving a trace via lockpicking or whatever, but only steal one item that is kind of hidden away. Like diamond earnings in the bottom of a jewelry cabinet, or an expensive power tool, etc. Might be months or years before anyone noticed it was gone and would probably think little johnny stole it for drug money or something.
Break in and do nothing. Leave them wondering for years what was taken.
Bidcar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:32:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thus stealing their peace of mind within the only place where they truly feel safe. Every time they leave the house for the rest of their lives, they wonder if everything will be ok when they return. Diabolical.
Blursme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:27:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put all the clean laundry eg; towels back into the washing basket.
Then fold some dirty towels and put them in the linen cupboard.
Mageecu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:27:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch the backyard patio furniture around between two neighbors.
Unplug tbeir phone chargers from their walls but leave them in place so tbey swear they plugged in their phones at night but wake up to a dead battery!
True story. I was in Jr high, 3 of my friends and I decided to break into a house. Long story short; I ran into the house and decided to steal all the condiments in the house. My one buddy who came in with me had gone up the stairs. After rounding up the ketchup, mustard, salt & pepper etc. I went to the bottom of the stairs, and called up for us to get the fuck out of there. I was to nervous, but still smugly happy with myself. I thought for sure my friends would laugh there ass off over my haul. Then my buddy came bounding down the stairs with two arms full of toilet paper. I didn't stop laughing for a good 5 minutes, long after we had made our getaway.
Open up everything with a battery, phones, tv remotes, toys, computer controllers, vibrators... and turn the battery round.
On everything except the random old remote you put in the drawer 4 years ago because it'll be useful if you ever use that piece of equipment again, and I'll place that item in the middle of your coffee table.
I move furniture so that when you lay or sit on it; your vision to the Tv, computer monitor, light from a lamp, is just out of reach. This will then force you to make the choice of getting up or giving up on what you wanted to originally do.
I would boil all their eggs and then put them back in the box, put there fridge on full power, invert the mouse on their computer and set the language on everybody's phone to Arabic.
remove all the labels from their canned goods; hard boil some, but not all, of their eggs; add a bunch of shitty shows to their netflix queue; poke holes in their condoms if the have them and add hot sauce to their lube
roddz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:30:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make every picture in thehouse slightly lop sided. Not noticable so at first glance but just enough to infuriate someone when they notice
Slowly add a tiny slice of wood/plastic to every bit of furniture in their house. Given time, they will either think they were growing shorter or that their furniture was growing taller.
Rearrange their furniture. Paint their kitchen and living room pistachio green. Flip all their TV upside down. Set their DVR to record every episode of The 700 Club. Shit in their tub. All sorts of crazy shit....HMB while I see if the neighbors are home..
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:31:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Add new stuff in
leave a trail of rose petals to the bedroom and set candles and music for a couple's house and see the confusion as they realise neither of them set it up.
I raid the sex toys, and put them in the kid's bedrooms in their sock drawers so their parents think the kids stole them.
Then put up one hidden camera in the living room and dining room, record the confrontation and inevitable hilarious denial, throw it up on YouTube, rake in the ad revenue, and make more money than pawning TV's.
Scan every one of the family photos in their house, and use photoshop to replace everyone's faces with Harold, then print them out and replace the original pictures.
My brother used to come over and move all of my wife's doilies and figurine stuff and not say anything. She would randomly find items out of place and shrug as she fixed them. He loved holidays by us.
Move things slightly to the left, and don't lock the door back when I leave. They will get paranoid as fuck, looking for what's stolen or what has changed.
Swap the left and right speakers or just their cords to all the speakers in their house.
drarch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:33:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Had my house broken into 4 years ago. One of the things they stole was an $80 vintage Pentax camera, but somehow missed the camera bag that had my ~$1800 Canon 5Dii and lenses in it ... I'm not sure if I was more confused at the time, or just really happy they were idiots.
Place random unique keys on peoples keychains without them knowing. This happened to my friend and we spent a couple hours with the biggest confused look on our faces. Still months later I still think WTF?
Take pictures of the views of their windows and attach them to the inside of the windows. That way it looks like nothing is wrong but eventually they'll start noticing that things aren't moving and that the views are fake.
Yabutsk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:33:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've always wanted to home invade while the family is there and tie them up, cook a nice dinner, and put on a movie. Only then would I untie the youngest child telling them I'd murder them if they called for help or untied anyone before I was gone.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:34:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's a German movie centered around this idea. Two students break into the homes of b the wealthy and upset their furniture n shit without causing huge damages. Then, they spray paint "Die fetten Jahre sind vorbei" to their victims walls, to let them know their lavish life in the face of poverty is despicable.
"Die fetten Jahre sind vorbei" is a reference to Scripture, and it roughly translates to "the fat years are over". It's used when Joseph interprets Pharaoh's dream and predicts seven years of plenty followed by seven years of draught.
Tidy up. Optimise kitchen layout for ease of use. Leave all doors open at 45ยฐ angles. Leave all drawers open in steps. Ensure all valuables are secured. Make beds and fluff pillows.
Look at what kind of shampoo and conditioner they use, buy the exact bottles but switch the contents. After they get used to using conditioner as shampoo and shampoo as conditioner, switch it back. Then let them question about the glitch in the matrix, whether it actually happened or not for the rest of their lives.
In high school, my best friend and I would flip things upside down at the end of parties when everyone was going to bed. Pictures on walls, couch cushions, bowls of fruit, etc. I'd probably do that. Old habits die hard.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:34:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would turn their TV on mute volume, and cut out or break the volume up button. I'm so evil.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:34:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Gonna steal from dane cook and say add shit to their house. Maybe throw a new planet in there.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:34:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide one shoe from every pair they own.
Tursh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:35:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the labels off their canned stuff and anything in the pantry. Then hide the labels around the house.
D_rotic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:35:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch all the toilet paper around. Rearrange the kitchen. Move the silverware drawer and rearrange the cups. Make all the beds with the pillows at the foot of the beds. Reset their auto sprinklers to the opposite times. Log in on the computer and cancel their cable. Use the cookies to autistically log in. Switch the direction of the ceiling fans, and change the AC to heater in June.
Slightly change the angle of all the photos and artwork, hanging and freestanding
gitsao ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:35:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I break into the house find their tuppleware buy exact same ones. Add some lids of one size and take away lids of another size so they would never have the correct amount of lids. I may have been in your house already.
Empty their ice-bin and the pump soap dispenser, switch the TV Input to HDMI 2 and put his toothbrush in her holder and vice-versa. that would elicit a lot of "wtf honey?"
place tinned tuna around the place, cram it in the curtain rods, put it in the electric baseboard heaters or vents, cake it somewhere in the over where it wont be seen from casually putting stuff in there, smear it under the tables and chairs, inside the legs of said furniture if they are hollow metal tubes, cut a small hole in the underneath part of the couch where its covered over with shitty fabric and smear it on the wood and springs...
the entire place would reek of rotten tuna in a week and it would be coming from everything
I take one item from each room in the house and place them in awkward, not obvious to look places in other rooms in the house.
But they aren't just knick-knacks people won't miss. No, they're important things.
Remote control from the front room? In an air-tight container inside the cistern of their toilet.
The spatula from the kitchen? behind the wardrobe in the main bedroom.
Wait for a night that there is supposed to be a big snow storm, then paint all of their windows white. They would think for a few minutes that they were completely snowed in
just beat all the story modes to whatever game they are recently playing on their system. you break in on a day they are on vacation and beat the game. this may not be annoying and it may be something you could do to a friend or family member while they are away to see a reaction.
mka3421 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:37:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip everything upside down, but not in a vandalizing way.
nicktod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:37:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
karben2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kind of the same thing.
In Highschool and buddy of mine and I went rooting around in the host of a party's room. Everyone was in the basement and we were upstairs. My buddy still about 15 DVDs and I grabbed the kids laptop. Before we left, I took a massive deuce in the kids toilet. Unflushed. We left the party immediately after. I got a call the next day, frantically asking if I'd seen anyone go upstairs because kid was missing a bunch of DVDs and his laptop. I denied anything. The next night, my brother and I were hanging. He asks, "where'd you get the laptop"? He knew immediately was stupid crime id committed. We drove to the kids house under the cover of night and I put the laptop on his front stoop. My dvd stealing friend continues to lift DVDs to this day. But that was the last thing I ever attempted to steal. I felt like a jerkoff.
MGoAzul ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would just unplug all the electronics, move the t.v. to a bathroom, and put the router on top of the house
apsae27 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn random things upside down. Not a lot, just enough to make them wonder if they did it or if they are crazy. I used to do that to my college roommate and it drove him insane
Some background first: I once moved two floors up from an old apt, only to drunkenly discover that my new keys could get me in the previous apt (we forgot the silverware and drunk me apparently has some amazing intuition regarding how locks work).
That said, I contemplated swapping the contents of the new tenants bedrooms and/or physically turning ALL of the items in their rooms upside down.
Find a camera that I can reasonably assume they use regularly. Take their toothbrushes and shove them up my bum. Snap pictures of the toothbrushes up my bum with said camera. Place toothbrushes and camera back to where I found them.
Shoag ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:41:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Neatly rearrange all of their kitchen cabinets. If I know I have time, or a partner, rearrange as much of their house as I can. Move around pictures, sofas, tvs, even swap whole bedrooms if I can.
When me and a friend were in college, after every house party and everyone had gone to bed, we would stick around and then turn all the furniture and tech (computers, tv's, microwaves) upside down. So I'd probably just continue doing that.
K0oky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:41:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
take 1 sock from a pair. Leaving them only to mix and match.
Something we used to do. Go in their kitchen and turn everything upside down. Anything you possibly can, especially everything in the cabinets and fridge. People get more enraged than you might think.
cbjals ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:42:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hard boil all the eggs in the fridge and put them back where you found them.
Replace the bolts in all of the interior door hinges with dry spaghetti
Change their TV system languages to greek(not italian, there is no connection between these acts)
Replace all of the bedding under the comforter and pillows with tinfoil, it looks like the bed is made, especially awesome if they get in bed when the lights are out
Bring all the junk you have piled up at your house and put it in their garage
Superglue the doggy door closed so the dog has to poop inside, becomes evil if the dog jumps through door before the glue is fully dried, so don't let that happen.
Print 50 copies of a solid dark brown image on highest quality, then take all of the extra paper out of the printer tray and steal their remaining supply, then place the 50 prints face down under their bathroom/kitchen rug.
Submit a yellow pages listing on their behalf.
Rearrange the street address numbers on the mailbox.
Very carefully dig a large hole in yard so that the grass can be reused, replace the dirt with packing popcorn and make it look as if the grass was never disturbed. Hopefully the they inspect why the grass is dying on a windy day.
Turn on their computers and delete their browsing history and any saved password and bookmarks.
I show up in the middle of the night. Upon violently awaking every family member and taking them hostage, at gun point, I tie them up. I proceed to whip out the most satisfactory-looking bubble wrap they have ever seen. They CAN'T resist. If only they could reach another half an inch, they'd be able to pop it. I laugh manically.
cbjals ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:42:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace a random photo of a family member with one of Vladimir Putin.
I would gradually replace all of thier photos hanging on the wall or on funiture with photos of other peoples families and random people.....but leave the original frames.
cbjals ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:42:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
add a random thing to their calendar
Rex2x4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:42:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal all the top hinges from every door in the house. Also take one table or chair leg from every table or chair.
Leave a note on the microwave saying you broke because you were hungry and you left then some spaghetti inside. But only leave them a little bit of sauce.
I'd break into the house from the front door, open all the drawers and unlock all the locks but leave everything in place, then leave through the backdoor. They'd be wondering all week wtf was stolen.
Change the arrangement of house. Move the living room furnitures in the kitchen and the kitchen to the Living room. Change all pictures or portraits of the house owner and replace it with a different family.
I would misplace their toothpaste. Everyday it would get farther from it's original spot. First day it's on the toilet tank. Next week, it'll be on their bed stand and so on. Next month, it's in their mailbox.
Switch the toilet paper to unravel the opposite way you had it. Switch all your pillows into other pillow cases. Switch your body wash and shampoo bottles.
jott44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:44:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change their wifi password
Sidyka ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:44:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the caps of the toothpast and not pay your bill
Oh wait your my room mate
Jkal91 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:44:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find their shoes, cut side of the laces about 3 inches shorter than the other side. They will have lopsided knots and have to re-lace their shoes to balance it.
I would go into their pantry and remove all the labels off of the canned goods. They won't know what's what until they open them. That is all.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Makes me think of the "Scary Clowns Department" from the book "Bad Monkeys". Instead of killing people who are evil or taking them out like the CIA, they kidnap them and mess with their head
My uncle used to live with my mom and her husband, one of his good buddies used to live across the street with his parents - I love my uncle but he likes to drink, like come home at 4 in the morning, wake the whole house trying to make some toast drink. Eventually my mom's husband complained about his noise level enough that my uncle decided instead of coming home and making loud snacks he would go across the street to his friends parent's house and eat their food. The parents were really confused about the missing food and assumed their son was lying about eating it. This went on for months until my uncle drunkenly confessed to his buddy and his buddy ratted him out to his parents so he would stop getting blamed for it. The lesson in this? Don't let your son's food and alcohol loving buddy know where you keep the spare housekey and good snacks.
Shit in a ceiling light. It'll smell bad for an incredibly long time until someone realizes it, and it'll be awkward and a mess to clean up.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:47:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mystery Turd.
This actually happend last night. Somone snuck into my apartment and took a huge shit without flushing. Nothing was stolen. My only guess as to who done it is my upstairs neighbor. Ive always had a feeling that she dosent like me. Somehow she might have a key or found a way in while i was at work. Either way, its pretty unsettling.
Totally wondering if I have one of those now because I've not beem able to open the door properly to change the shelves and it's annoyed the crap out of me. If it is, I'm switching it when I get home. I had no idea this was a thing, so cheers.
Kick in the front door every couple of months but don't go in or take anything... they'll spend a lifetime of agony trying to figure out what's missing.
Owndead ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:48:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would move everything slightly to the right of their usual position, except the furniture. I would move the furniture slightly to the left.
anto687 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:48:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap the knives and forks around in the cutlery drawer.
Swap pictures too.
If their toaster is symmetrical (in that it'd make sense the opposite way around) turn it around. They have been sleepily coming down to that toaster every morning and putting bread in it and pushing down the lever on one side of it for YEARS, and TODAY they get it wrong. Are they wrong, or is the toaster wrong. They'll never know.
I've actually given real thought to the idea of being a reverse-pickpocket. Someone who, instead of taking stuff from someone else's open and visible pocket, instead slips something in there like money or a chocolate bar.
....Sort of like my girlfriend does to me with empty wrappers.
JessNei ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:49:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mustache every picture of someone, take bites of leftovers, mismatch the closets, and maybe hide something that will stink terribly in some rarely thought of nook
Put their mayonnaise in their vanilla ice cream container and place it back In the freezer, hard boil all their eggs put them back in the container and then back in the fridge, and last but not least cut a hole in the pinky toe area of all their socks.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:50:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Me and my companion will clog the drains and turn on all the faucets. And we will give ourselves a name. The Moisture Marauders or something like that.
Pretend to pick up random items and then put them down saying, "How dumb would it be if I stole that?"
Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:50:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
People get super accustomed to their kitchen, so I'd move dishes between the cabinets. Like putting the cups where the plates go, etc. Also, it'd be annoying to rearrange the fridge so they keep thinking they don't have stuff and buy more of what they already have. Little do they know, it's actually just on the back of the bottom shelf mwahahaha
Hide all the remotes. Unscrew all their spices in the cabinet and put them back upside down. Throw away all the lids to everything in their fridge. Lift all the suction dillies on the back of the toilets so all of them run continuously.
Sprinkle very light amounts of itch powder on their toilet paper.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:53:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stuff shrimp in the curtain rods and other hidden places that people normally don't check.
Then I'd hide all the socks and replace the sugar with salt and vice versa.
Disable the fans in people's computers. Then laugh evilly as each victim curses because their computer overheats as they started working on that giant excel project.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:53:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Scatter bamboo seeds all over the yard.
is that too evil?
Suixle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:53:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all the food in their house with an expired version of said food
stashtv ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:53:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change their DNS and point Google.com to localhost.
mtb12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:54:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Upper decker in the toilet tank
Jyxxe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:54:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all doors with bead, all batteries with dead batteries, and flipping all screens upside down.
Melt every pen, or pen like piece of plastic i can find onto their kitchen counter (Or dining table) Leaving the surface horribly lumpy and infuriating to use.
Go_J ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:54:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find someone who uses a film camera still. Then take several photos of me cleaning my ass with their toothbrush before placing it and the camera back exactly where they were. Might be a few months of oblivious brushing before they get the film developed.
This just happened to me today. I walked downstairs and the air conditioning was off and the oven was on full blast. Having drank last night I was flabbergasted.
Easy. A metric shit tonne of glitter on top of the ceiling fans, glitter in the air vents (if they're on the ceiling then just put it on a sheet of paper inside the vent, leaving half the vent exposed, air will do the rest of the work), extra fine glitter in the shower heads, faucets, on top of doors. Literally anything that has movement. Even in the toilet tank. Why? Because you're going that extra mile to not only annoy but confuse.
Also assuming the homeowner is magically impossible to wake, a nice liberal coating of hairspray or any other clear, residueless aerosol adhesive on the carpet, floors, furniture. Go nuts.
47relyk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
switch or remove all the labels in the kitchen.
Axl7879 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My in-laws live in South Carolina and root for opposite NCAA teams (Clemson/USC). One in-law put rye grass on the others lawn in the shape of a tiger paw. Weeks later a bright green grass grew up faster than the other grass.
Ahem. At common law, "burglary" is defined as "the breaking and entering of the dwelling place of another at night *with the intent to commit a felony therein." Thus, if you aren't committing larceny (i.e. stealing) or some other felony inside your victims' homes, then you aren't a burglar.
Rearranging everything will drive them batty. Swap the silverware with the stuff in a different drawer, move dishes to different cabinets, rearrange fridge contents and dry goods. Put all tools into different places, swap just half the closet contents with different closets and mix them all up.
Move furniture a just slightly, I have done it by mistake before, you walk right into the furniture slamming your knees or cracking ur head on chandlers.
zhill29 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:56:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd just break the door open and leave, so they spend the next three weeks trying to figure out what the fucks missing.
_head_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:56:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Loosen phone charger cables so they wake up with a nearly dead cell phone, thinking they just didn't plug it in all the way.
Xenodia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:56:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Putting super glue on door handles and light switches.
hide a small device that plays the sound of a cricket chirping at odd intervals. Or two of them in different rooms and set so they don't chirp at the same time..
Unscrew but not displace all the the toilet seats in the house. Take off the shower heads and replace them but without the plumber tape that you're supposed to use.
Gus100k ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:57:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break in program Universal controllers to most of the stuff in there house . Drive around there block every night changing channels , opening garages , Turning lights on and off.
The easy one is rearranging furniture. How about always reversing the rolls of toilet paper...writing messages on the mirror that only appear after steam....or using the toilet after a 2nd rate Mexican dinner but never flushing.
Or
Routinely bring parakeets in the house and leave them.
Or
Put 1 or 2 items from inside the house by the front door
Or
Change the light bulbs to color bulbs
Or
Leave pieces of candy here and there
Or
Put odd sized clothing in their closet and laundry
Actually in highschool my friends and I were real close and would constantly be over on another's houses, kinda could just walk in. Sometimes if one of us wasn't home or had a girl over, EVERYTHING was flipped upside down or turned over and we would and just leave. Fun stuff
I'm lazy so I won't do something intricate. I'd just go and cut holes on all their pockets. Then I'd stick gum under all their shoes. Finally, before leaving I'd steal their toilet paper.
Break in, steal the dinning room table replace it with one similar in size and shape but completely different in color and material and use the original table cloth
After about 6 months switch them back
Spill a beer by their bed and make them wake up and see the spilt beer. Then after they have gone back to sleep clean it up for them, making them wonder were the beer went.
Change their voicemail on their home phone. Say something like, "The (Last name), are no longer living at this residence. If you'd like to get in contact with them, call # (and give them one of those sex talk numbers)
Mlv1195 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:59:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip random, decorative things upside down like candle holders
When I stay over at friends' houses, I always print out pictures of people who annoy them and stick them in their picture frames.
My friends usually don't notice this until someone else points it out to them. Once I put a picture of this guy over my friend's dad's face and it was her grandma who discovered it. The grandma was like, "who the fuck is this ugly guy?!"
I do this in real life sadly, but I steal tv remotes at holiday parties. Its the simplest thing you can take in a house that can annoy anyone. Best part is no one suspects that it was stolen and the search goes on.
Take out the ice machine insert in the freezer and shit in it and put it back in.
Can you imagine weeks or even months later and you get iced turds in your drink? The horror knowing you'd used it the whole time, eat time drinking just a little bit of shit.
Glorious.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:14:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It wouldn't be so much what I would leave/take/do as it would be how I got in. The house would have to be in a secluded area, and the people couldn't be home. I would go around the side or back of the house with a Saw-zall or a chainsaw and cut my own doorway into the place and get in that way. Bonus points if it's right next to a window, double bonus if the door was unlocked, triple bonus if you hit something like a bed and have to cut through that too. Then just walk in and re-arrange the furniture in the living room or something, and walk out.
ereldar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:00:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all the bottles, jars, boxes, and other containers in their fridge/pantry upside down. Nothing sinister at all. They should all be securely closed so they don't spill.
I actually did this to a buddy of mine. Turn EVERYTHING upside down. Furniture, wall decorations, dishes in the cupboard, food in the fridge, EVERYTHING! It was great listening to his confused exasperation for weeks as he kept finding things upside down that he had overlooked. I didn't tell him it was me until quite some time later.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:01:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wasn't this question posted several months ago? Recycling AskReddits? Really OP?
I'd start by ordering glitter... By the pound.. Every drawer. Every place that's not obvious so it's a surprise every time they find one for the next few weeks.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:01:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Draw phallic symbols on surfaces that aren't too easy nor impossible to clean, using substances that won't leave a mark after removal but won't come off easily either
1.Steal or revers the battery's in all remotes and devices
2.Replace all family photos with stock photos
3.Glue chairs to ceiling
4.Take all there bills
5.????
6. Profit
Smear Vaseline in places where it can't be seen, but they'll definitely touch it. Underside of door knobs, light switches, bottom of the remote, everything. Go back to touch it up, but gradually ramp it up. Want a fork? Too bad, they're all slicked up. Need deodorant? Sure, but first have a thin layer of grease on your pits.
Since my diety of choice is Anoia it would only make sense to get all their drawers slightly stuck. Enough to be annoying, not enough to make anyone actually fix it. It's more art than anything else really.
Vlaed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:03:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find an OCD person and rearrange their decorations, tilt picture frames, rotate pens, etc.
Rodderp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:03:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put some kind of random foodstuff in their refrigerator, with a note with the name of the previous owner of their hous on it
Add a photograph of an unknown, somewhat victorian-age psychotic looking, family to their photo stand
Rearrange their TV channels to all be set to frequency '666'
Start up the family laptop, add bookmarks to porn
I can go on for a while with this tbh. It's actually not a bad idea, must be awesome fun.
clean their house
every night at first they will appreciate it and be happy about it
but when they start thinking about why its always clean without them doing something they will slowly lose their mind and at some point move out
then you can buy a "haunted house" for a very small price
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:04:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Block there sinks and leave there taps running.
Souuuth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:04:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd rearrange the items in their drawers. Oh socks? Nope. Silverware.
yamfase ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:04:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Absolutely nothing. Make it obvious someone broke in, but do nothing and watch the people go crazy trying to figure out what was stolen.
Joe1972 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:04:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove toilet paper rolls and put them on top of the roller as if someone was too lazy to put them in. Also randomly reverse the direction of toilet paper rolls. Squeeze all toothpaste tubes in the middle. Mess a little sugar on the kitchen floor and leave it there.
EDIT: also take the milk out of the fridge and leave it on a kitchen counter.
This also applies also to ex wife, husbands and significant others. Go into the house on different occasions and make changes to everything. Replace items with larger or smaller items. Hem pants to make them shorter. Anything too obvious and it won't work. I once changed the yogurt for sour cream and I can only imagine the look of horror when eaten, but this gives you away.
I loved this old urban myth from the days before digital cameras....
Holidaymakers return to hotel room and notice they've been broken in to. Bummer.
Continue with holiday, get home and get photos developed...
Notice pics taken by burglar with toothbrushes (that they have been using all holiday) wedged firmly up burglars arses.
Rearrange all the family photos and silverware including all plates and glassware. Every night I sneak in and do this when I leave I always clog a drain and leave the water running causing their water bill to go up and flood the house.
Make "how to" cooking videos in Their kitchen then clean everything like you were never there. Then post the videos to their FB
rhead42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:05:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change everyone's keyboard to Dvorak
Warfink ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:05:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My friend is pretty anal about his alphabetized DVD collection. Most times I go over I move one movie and tell him just as I'm walking out the door. Other times I tell him I moved one and don't touch anything.
Take all the AA batteries and leave only AAA hahaha
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:06:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change their answering machine to "This is Rashid at Duct Cleaning Services. We will send a team over shortly. Also we noticed your Windows has a virus."
purrpot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:06:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
My uncle did this to my parents once, it was hilarious. He came over super early one morning, snuck around the entire house and took apart every. single. doorknob. Including cabinet doors, screen doors, everything.
So my parents woke up trapped in their bedroom, but fortunately my uncle left a screwdriver on their dresser, so Dad was able to jimmy the door open. My uncle made sure to shut all the doors, too, so Mom and Dad had to break into their own bathroom.
Eventually, after they regained access to the downstairs, Dad climbed out the kitchen window (in his underwear, in full view of the neighbors, because my uncle hit the closet and laundry toom doors, too) to get all the doorknobs, which my uncle left in a bag on the back porch. I wasn't born yet but whenever Dad told the story, he laughed about how it took him most of that Saturday to get all the doorknobs back on.
So, if I broke into someone's house, I'd probably do this. Maybe not if they had kids, though, or no good fire escapes. Safety first!
True story: years ago, I lived in an apartment building that a lady friend of mine also lived in. I had this huge collection of metal gear and final fantasy action figures, as well as various lego sets all displayed on a few bookcases and shelves. Every once in awhile, she'd actually break into my apartment and put them in random sexual poses. I'd come home and find solid snake being molested by psycho mantis, or squall from ff8 being blown by Tifa from ff7. I could never stay mad at her.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:07:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd take all of the wicks out of their candles then flip them and put them back on upside down. Even the ones that are jars filled with a candle, if cut it out and do it. It takes ages to fix every candle in a home.
Waladil ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:08:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
First, I find my way to the room of their infant child. Then, I carefully disguise my child to look identical to theirs and switch the two. In the morning, the parents awake and raise my child like their own. After some time, my child will return to me and the parents will be without a child MWAHAHAHAHA
Wait, no, that's not confusing, that's just being a changeling. #changelingthings #faeriefacts
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:08:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shit on their coffee table
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:08:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The old take shits in their cats litterbox so they think there cat has started to take huge poops.
Put one set of keys in the freezer. If there's a second, it goes in the bathroom soap dish. Put the bread in the laundry room, laundry detergent in the fridge, the remotes under the kitchen sink, and the kitchen broom in the garage.
If they have an elf on the shelf, he'll be on top of the fridge. Any stuff animals or Funko pops will be having a TP fight in the living room.
I would change jobs to work the late shift, and when everyone was at work, I'd sneak in and flip the toilet paper rolls to roll from underneath the roll.
I knew a guy in high school that used to break into people's houses while they were gone, but he wouldn't steal anything.
He would re-arrange all their furniture.
He had done this to 5 houses and was caught in the middle of his sixth - crazy bastard was actually re-painting the living room when the family came home.
Sure. He was a funny kid, always made people laugh, lived a few blocks over from my house. Nice guy, but he never really hung out with anyone after school. Kept to himself. No one knows why he did it, when he was asked afterwards he said it was "just for the hell of it".
But the houses he hit were all right around his, that's how he knew when the neighbors would be gone and how to get in. He even cut school half day once to "hit" his own house as well, so they didn't suspect him. I always thought he did it for the reactions afterwards. The word of the "Rearranging Robber" spread fast in our small town and since he was hitting houses near his, he had a front row seat to the reactions and fall out.
He was arrested, but the neighbors dropped the charges (B+E, Vandalism- no robbery as he never took anything) and he paid to have the living room repainted by professionals. He did yard work for all the families for a few months to make amends. That was in the middle of senior year, his family moved in the summer when the school year ended. He was a funny dude. I still laugh thinking about him having the balls to not just rearrange and redecorate, but to up his game and decide to re-paint the 6th house's Living Room. Epic.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:10:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lube the toilet seat & bathroom floor with astro glide, and soak the toilet paper with your mouthwash. Fuck yo bowl movements
jwriv4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:10:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would constantly replace their remote control batteries with ones that were dead. They would change the batteries every day, but the remote would always be dead.
When my mom started to lose her mind she swore someone was breaking in and just moving things around. She moved about 5 times in 2-3 years til I said I am not moving you again. One of the places the people upstairs were too noisy...she lived on the top floor.
I find a cookie pan thingie and piss on it, I put it on the freezer and let it freeze solid, then I put the frozen sheet of piss under a rug, under a couch, and in their dryer and let them melt. I'd imagine the people would go crazy trying to find where the source of the pissy smell is coming from.
Ok so this is weird but I've actually done this for fun. Sort of
Back in high school a few friends and myself would go driving around the nicer parts of town and look for lawn ornaments; gnomes specifically. We would find a house with a ton of different lawn stuff and take one to a different house with lawn ornaments and swap one for another. I honestly don't know how this all started but it was our go to thing on a late night when we were bored.
We called it gnoming. Obviously gnomes were the best thing to get but not many people had them in their yards for some reason. More often than not we were transporting St. Francis of Asisi statuettes and geese around town
Seal every door in the house minus the one I came through shut. Cover the floors with glue and then leave through the door I came in, and seal THAT shut.
Didn't I read a book like this once? Anyway I read a post where a guy said someone shifted everything in a room a few inches to the right or something like that, just enough to be disconcerting. I always thought that would be eerie.
Take the batteries out from TV remotes and phones, if they can, then hide them. Every day would be like an Easter egg hunt for your phones and entertainment.
Ok first, I'm gonna go in your bathroom and flip your toothbrushes upside down in the holder after filling the basin with orange juice.
Then I'm rearranging your silverware drawer. SPOONS WHERE SALAD FORKS GO, ARE YOU MAD!?
I'm taking a hypodermic needle and sucking the goo out of all your eggs and putting the perfect, empty shell back in the package and into the fridge.
I'm slicing the top rounded part off your deodorant so the stick looks new. You know full well you used that Speed Stick yesterday!
Finally, as you sleep, I'm going to hire out 6 little peoples and 3 sheepdogs to just pass out in your room. Then I'm hosing the whole joint down with AstroGlide and just filling your browser history with beastiality porn queries. Wake up to that, ASSHAT!
jasnxl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:13:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the wall hangings, (pictures, paintings), around randomly.
ubrtnk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:13:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Convert all their computers to Linux or Windows and then install an old version of Java.... I'm bad at this
You could do what whoever broke into my house did and take nothing, move nothing, but shit in the toilet and don't flush, leaving your large brown friend for me to find when I come home from work to an empty house
When I was about 9, my cousin was babysitting the house across the street from me. Me and her took all the labels off all canned goods and mixed matched them.. Canned green beans?! More like canned yams!!! Muhahahahaha
Break a window or kick in a door whatever got me in, then I'll mess up the place and leave. They'll be looking for what was stolen for a while when it was actually nothing. Plus they have to clean the place.
Pour cress seeds everywhere and water them a bit, they'll all grow in the carpets
Icanus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:14:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Door handles are held together by little metal pins, I would remove those pins.
When you pull a door shut the handle falls of and you're stuck inside!
Tazzure ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:14:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One of the best things to do is if the person has a monitor with a brightness toggle on it, turn it all the way down to where the screen is black. Not sure how many monitors can go that low, but the ones in my middle school could and it would fuck with so many people it was hilarious. A way to make it even better is start it off with the computer unplugged so when they realize it isn't turning on because it isn't plugged in, they feel a short period of relief before they realize their monitor isn't displaying anything (or so they think).
I put their ice-cream in the other part of the Refrigerator.
I take a piece from one of their board games and switch it with another piece from a different board game.
Every night, after they go to sleep, I change their channel to the food network, so anytime they turn it on first thing in the morning, it's the food network.
I rub off the expiration date on the milk cartons.
Last, but not least, I punch a tiny hole in the cushion of the couch with a pencil. Eventually, through stretching and poking and whatnot, that hole will be as large as a TV remote, and they will lose it in the same hole for years to come.
I brake into their house when they're not home, with no clothes but a small, revealing loin cloth, chest hair shaven into the shape of a heart. Then, I cover myself in brisket, steak, and similar meats, as well as a nice thick slathering of steak sauce. I also open the window nearest to the bed. After that, I lie seductively in their bed, awaiting their arrival. Regardless of their reaction, the moment they walk in I simply wink and jump out the open window. From that point on, every friday or saturday, whenever they leave the house, I break in and find a new hiding spot, waiting quietly until they find me. Whenever I'm found out, I rub a little meat seductively across my chest and make a quick escape. I'll just keep with it until the cops find out, and hopefully give them a similar surprise when they catch up to me.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:14:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
exchange the contents of closets and rooms,
pptw333 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:15:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch all the food in the fridge with the food in the freezer.
When I stay in a hotel I sometimes write notes in soap on the windows and mirrors. If the maids don't clean them between guests, their morning shower will fog up the glass and reveal a drawing or something like "I will eat your socks while you sleep", or "It loves the person".
Always fuck up their orders, but never in a way where they could have gotten somebody else's order or something. It'll be odd, specific things like forgetting the ice in their drink, making a burger with no pickles, not salting their fries, etc. I'll call myself... the cheeseburglar.
This actually happened to my parents a couple months back. Someone broke in, really they just used an unlocked back door. They ate half a container of ice cream and left it out on the counter. Then they proceeded to shit and clog their bathroom toilet. They attempted to clear it with the plunger, but gave up and bailed. Took nothing, laptops, tvs, jewelry all left behind.
Replace all the fire alarms with low batteries so they constantly cherp and they have to keep replacing them.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:17:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Open all the cupboards and move all the dishes and cutlery onto the floor
xScudii ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:17:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Comeback every night and move the furniture 1 inch everyday, not enough for them to notice but it will completely mess with their navigation in the dark as they will keep stubbing their toes, thinking the furniture is further away.
Swap all if their discs into wrong cases, swap the dust jackets on their hard covers, superglue the toilet seat up, unscrew their light bulbs just enough so they don't turn on, bypass all switches so they stay on. Spray a light coating of juice on their non carpeted floors, replace the toothpaste with a baking soda paste using a injector (still cleans teeth, no flavor) coat the door knobs in lube, I can keep going but I have things to do today.
sjdr92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:18:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would switch around the way the toilet roll hangs.
chocom6 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:18:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd move the furniture just a few inches so you'd bump into it but you wouldn't know what's wrong.
Me and a friend actually did this to another friend. We took all the remotes we could find (tv, DVD player, game console, stereo, I mean any remote), and threw them in the back of the freezer. His family hasn't forgiven us, and it's been years.
Someone once broke into my house and left post it notes all down the hallway and in the kitchen with random bits of information, like 'Buy peanut butter' 'Put air in your tyres' 'Get pads for next week'. I panicked and called the police, who laughed.
I would move their smaller things around. That's one of the things that annoy me most around in my house and I sometimes question my sanity finding eg my keys in completely different place I left them.
They keep their most used shoes on top shelf of shoe rack ? I would move them to the bottom.
They read a book before going to sleep ? Switch with some other book, or just move bookmark couple pages forward.
Phone charger to the other side of the room.
Move the toothbrash, swap things in a fridge...
It's all about the little things honestly. The little things like switching the contents of shampoo bottles with semen or punching holes in their contraceptives. One cannot forget the classics though like replacing water with distilled vinegar or unscrewing the lids of the condiment containers. It's a different balance that most people aren't likely to get.
Good old gas lighting, replace remote batterys with dead ones, rotate the milk jug in the fridge so the handle is on the back, leave the tv on a strange station (church show or the spanish channel), swap the hot water pipe with the cold under the sinks. I could go on for days
Strategically place picture of Richard Simmons EVERYWHERE. Hundreds of them in different sizes. The bottom of the sock drawere, halfway through the toilet paper roll (this one takes awhile), the bottom of the lawn mower seat, pocket of clothing that isn't in season, top of the ceiling fan, bottom of desk chair; etc. They will be finding Richard Simmons for YEARS!
Enter wealthy homes and just leave a sign that says "Die fetten Jahre sind vorbei".
Maybe even move their furniture around a bit...
The sense of dread they will feel that someone is watching...that they cannot just steal from people as they like ... priceless !
Move all the furniture just a few inches from their original spots so the owners get confused when they move around the house and keep on bumping on stuff.
every so often i would sneak into a random room they go to a lot in teh middle of the night and empty an entire bucket of lego bricks on the floor. My number is 666, call me.
Instead of of stealing, buy them random things and place them on the kitchen table every week. One day it could be a golf club, the next a sound link Bose portable speaker
zowzow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:22:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find every key in the house and hide them in the septic tank. Leave a letter next to their bed and a go pro next to the yard to watch. You'd be surprised how many people think they can retrieve things from a septic tanks themselves.
Make cardboard cutouts of a burglar silhouette similar to myself, and set them all up in a scene one night. Make a crash of loud sound in the night and hide among them.. once they have been exposed and the owner comes close enough i would boop them on the head and run away screaming like a baby.
repeat in different and creative ways once every 10 days
When I was kid one of our friends went on vacation, we knew how to get into his house. His dad was a real asshole, yelled at us all the time, yelled at our parents, pretty sure he beat our friend too. So we, i mean my friends, went into the garage, turned on the headlights of his dad's car and rearranged a bunch of his tools.
When they got back, our friend said someone broke into his house, they left the lights on while they tried to hot wire his car, and stole a bunch of his tools.
Hide a dead fish somewhere in the house in the hope that it will take them days of wondering what that smell is until the bother to look for it. Then when they find it next to it will be a small potted cactus for them to nurture.
So then you're not a burglar, you're a trespasser.
KorsaDK ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I put tiny post-it notes on the tenants apartment, trying to get her to believe its her landlord leaving her creepy notes.. and after a while let reddit convince her she needs to see a doctor, in the end saving her from a deadly braintumor.
Piss in all the toilets and don't flush. I can't decide if this would be funnier if there's multiple people in the house, causing infighting, or to someone living on their own to make them think they keep getting up in the middle of the night to pee and can't remember.
b--nett ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change every picture and painting in the house. Make sure you keep the same frames as everything must be the exact same size, but put up a different family in every picture and change the paintings' style.
I'd turn all of their pillow cases inside out and each article of clothing in their drawers inside out. Just because it annoys the shit out of me to have to turn clothes right side out when im folding them after drying.
Reminds me of the Janitor in Scrubs. He said he would just sneak into JD's apartment sometimes and move stuff around or cut his hair and stuff.
Spusk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Get their cell phone number, then call them over and over again, while simultaneously ringing their door bell and hiding so they keep having to move in between the two.
xanhast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all their furniture slightly. Come back monthly and take a single spoon from their drawer until they slowly run out. Slightly disconnect their phone charger so it doesn't charge at night. Lock all the doors in their house, like the bathrooms and bedrooms, and take the keys. Hide their TV remote in another room. Replace all their diet products (Stevia, soda, etc) with non diet ones, and watch as they slowly gain weight.
I would write in big black permanent marker on their mirrors "HELLO". Come back perhaps 2-3 weeks later once they may have had it removed somehow and write on a small bit of toilet paper "HELLO". Come back 1-2 weeks later and turn on their T.V volume to the highest and leave it on a static channel so that the static noise is unbearable. After a few days just start leaving little unexplainable post it notes around their house , for example "Remember to stop the wanderer" or "Careful" They may need some medical assistance after this lmao
I'm extremely late to the party. But cut the shower curtain waist high so when he/she's using it someone can see their junk.
Dollaz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:27:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to break into a friends house and rearrange his furniture. Like totally flip everything around even switch around the bedrooms furniture. My other friends would help me sometimes. He finally got wind of who was doing it so I stopped before getting caught in the act. It was funny because he though he was losing his mind for a few weeks.
This one is a long plan: first, break in and just move stuff around ever so slightly. Break in a few more times and be more obvious about moving stuff around, slowly being more obvious. Then completely rearrange their kitchen and bathroom. Put the glasses in the cabinet furthest from the sink. Put the plates beneath the sink and the cleaning supplies in their place. Hide small objects in the refrigerator.
Crz333 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hmm, 2 ideas: first, go into a room and turn every prop upside down, like books, printers, cups and vases (but not entire shelves cuz that's too much effort, or tvs and pcs they're sacred)
Second, go to another room with a lot of sealing tape, and or bubble wrap, this time cover everything in bubble wrap or tape. If you do tape you can afford to tape multiple things together e.g. all books on a shelf, with bubblewrap you need to wrap everything individually e.g. every spoon/fork/knife on their own wrap. Annoying and confusing enough? What improvements would you do?
JarasM ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I sell encyclopedias.
HKBloo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take everything off of the bathroom sink and out of the medicine cabinets and put it in the dryer. Drop a deuce on a plate and put it in the microwave and turn it on for 15 minutes.
My sister may have been a victim of someone like this. The other day, I went to drop something in her mailbox cause no one was home. The front door was wide open. We cautiously entered and the back door was open too. Nothing was stolen or even out of place. It was so strange.
yoguy2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:33:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Scout out which cupboards would not be used frequently. Then break up a doll in its limbs, head and torso. Then hide a limb in each cupboard, one arm holding a knife. Then put the head in their bedroom, in a corner only visible whilst in bed. Put red food colouring running from its eyes.
Carlofx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:33:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do a break and enter and purposely get caught only I'll be dressed as the hamburgular
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:34:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
leave the front door, hallway door, and backdoor wide open while going straight past a bunch of valuable items...literally just happened to me and I don't know how to feel
Replace the batteries in their smoke detectors with almost dead batteries.
wamco ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:35:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Invert all the light switches
Nilkop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:35:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My old roommates used to go to one of their older sisters house and leave bottle caps in random places. They told me they would go in the kitchen and hide them in a bag of rice, in the bottom of a box of cereal, in a first aid kit.
I could only imagine how confusing it would be to be pouring out some morning cereal and a cap to a beer you've never drank before plinks into your bowl.
Re-arrange furniture. Change alarm times. Change time settings on all clocks and devices. Delete PVR'd programs. Change what's going to record to all country music shows. Do the laundry and hang it to dry in strange places throughout the house.
Take all of the backs off of the earnings. Flip the batteries upside down in the remotes. Leave the cereal boxes open. Leave one dirty plate in the sink. Unplug the cable box in the living room and unplug the microwave. Change the deadbolt lock to the front door. Fill out a change of address form with their neighbors...๐๐๐
Replace all the toiletries in their bathroom with nearly empty containers of different brands of the same product. So replace their Aquafresh toothpaste with a nearly empty tube of Colgate and etcetera.
Re-crumple the socks and deposit them into the drawer.
Alternatively, buy a jar of creamy peanut butter, and a packet of popcorn kernels. Crush the kernels up some, then mix them into the peanut butter. Relabel as chunky peanut butter.
Move everything in the house inch or two to the left. It's not really noticeable, but it fucks with the habitual patterns of movement. Many toes will be stubbed.
Get a whole bunch of medium sized, non-descript ceramic jars, and a big ol' sack of portland cement. Fill the jars with the cement, then seal the lid shut with a whole bunch of individual strips of masking tape. Have my buddy write some Chinese characters out on each strip, which when translated say "Danger! Curse Within! Do not open!" and maybe a date somewhere around 800 years ago or so. Boom. Ancient Cursed Urn.
I place dozens of these jars in non-obvious locations. They'll probably rapidly find most of them, but as the weeks and months drag on, they'll continue to randomly find additional urns. In a seldom used cabinet in the garage, in the basement behind the washing machine, the cupboard above the microwave, etc. They'll never be 100% sure if they've ever found all of them. If they had someone watch the house while they were on vacation, they'd have to say "Hey, so...it probably won't happen, but you might find what appears to be an Urn? If you do, don't worry about it, it's a thing that we've been dealing with. For a while."
I'd assume a rational person would determine fairly quickly that the "remains" inside were not real, and then would just be continuously annoyed that some asshole planted dozens of fake cursed urns around their house.
I cut every single window screen just the tiniest bit along-side the edges so it's not noticeable, then I crack the windows from the top ever so slightly so mosquitoes and bugs of the sort can easily make their way through the slivers of each maimed window and up into the house of my victim. Then during the day time, cicadas and smaller bugs and flies will be able to find their way in as well when the windows are open allowing in that summer breeze.
Leave a large box of donuts on their counter. Sneak in the next night and replace all the remaining donuts they haven't yet eaten with the same number of donut holes. Replace the donut holes again the following night with donuts. Do this until they are out of donuts/donut holes.
This question reminds me of the German movie "The Edukators." It's about these three young anti-capitalists who break into rich peoples' homes and rearrange all their stuff in bizarre ways, leaving notes that say things like "The years of plenty are over" and "You have too much money." Of course other things happen to complicate the plot.
I have a friend whose tidiness/fussiness/sense of order earns him a lot of shit from his friends. When he throws a party, I tilt all of his paintings, mirrors and wall art. As he walks around fixing them, I follow behind re-tilting them. This would be a proper annoyance burgle for the right kind of mark.
When I was in high school, our house was broken into, while we slept. The only thing that was taken was my flimsy metal lock box, which was in my room. Thing is, the only things I kept in that box were sappy sentimental shit.
When we opened the front door, we found the contents of my box strewn all over the porch: my diary, letters to girls I liked but never gave them, drawings of classmates I crushed on, shit like that. And then, at the end of the porch, an actual piece of shit. Human shit, on our porch, beside the broken lock box.
Somebody got pissed that he made off with nothing.
I know this. Instead of taking anything you leave random objects in their house, things that they never would buy for themselves. Like a twelve pack of supersoakers or a capuchin monkey.
I would subtly rearrange everyday items in their kitchen and bathroom:
Swap things within drawers and cupboards, like the knives and forks, the big plates and little plates, the glasses and mugs.
Move things to different, but nearby, spots such as the tea towels up or down one drawer, toothpaste to the other side of the sink, deodorant etc to a different shelf.
Almost empty top-up items like paper towels, toilet paper, or cotton balls. Leave just enough for one more use.
Return every couple of days and re-move anything they've fixed.
gefasel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:40:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Set up old VHS players on every TV and play Zinedine Zidanes Greatest World Cup Moments 1998-2006. With the volume on full whack so it wakes everyone up.
I carefully research my victims, trying to find their most wanted desires, and leave that item in their home.
I hone my craft until it's impossible to determine how the house was broken into. Then I only target skeptics and atheists, who will be baffled as to both how and why this miracle happened.
Sneak into their bedroom while they're sleeping and write REDRUM on the wall in lipstick. Then, write it on their bathroom mirror in Chapstick so it only appears after they get out of the shower. Finally, rig a recording of the kid from The Shining so it starts playing in the middle of the night.
I would go to all of the electronics and remove the "warranty void if removed" stickers. Then I would unplug there refrigerator when they go to sleep, then leave the door open all night, then in the morning I would close the fridge and plug it back in. Then I would scratch my balls with every spoon and put them back in the drawer. Then I would go into there DVR and remove key episodes from the recording schedules. Then I will set 20 season passes to infomercials. And finally before I leave I'll program a bunch of guys contacts into the wife's phone and occasionally text her dick pics when I know she's with her husband.
Set their alarm about 15 minutes late, so they feel rushed the next morning. Then I'd pull fuel pump fuse on their car. Leaving them to have to call for a ride, but the problem there is I took their phone off of the charger and was on reddit all night.
I open the shower curtain when I find it closed and close it when I find it open. I open the front door whenever I can. I move car keys. I hide socks taken from inside the drier. I turn the volume on the family stereo to max for when they go to turn it on next. I leave the stove on each time I am through boiling the cherished family pet.
Peel all of the labels off of their canned goods - non-perishable roulette!
xmilar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:44:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pull of a old fashioned upper decker. Shit in the water tank of the toilet. Everytime you flush small shit particles will float into the mian bowl confusing the victims.
i once "broke in" to a friend's apartment (his lock didn't work correctly, so we all kind of came and went as we pleased. luckily he's an extrovert). When we got in his apartment he wasn't there, so we left him a note on a post it. and then we smoked a bowl, and left more notes on post its. pretty soon his entire apartment was covered in post its and everything was labeled, even the cans of soup in his cabinets.
I'd leave sticky notes everywhere to convince the occupant to get a Co2 detector
Plosuf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:45:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the arrangement of things in their kitchen cupboards. Swap plates with glasses, bowls with mugs, etc.
This is also great fun to actually do at parties while the host is occupied somewhere else!
Reading this to find out of my visitor posts...
Twice now I've had someone enter my home, turn on all the lights, let the dogs out of their kennels (then close the doors to the kennels) and not take one thing out of the house.
there's actually a movie plot starting with such activities, the edukators, original title "die fetten Jahre sind vorbei".
edit: quote "are breaking into luxurious mansions at night. Instead of stealing or vandalizing, though, they carefully and ornately rearrange furniture and valulables and leave obscure messages. "
I've done this! Well, not break in but I did screw with my friend and his wife when I was house sitting for them. I bought FIVE blowup dolls that I positioned in his house "living a life" like eating cereal or going to the bathroom. I labeled them:
1 of 6
2 of 6
4 of 6
5 of 6
6 of 6
He eventually had to call me to find out where the mysterious "third" one was after looking for an hour!
I would take one of all their socks and hid them in a bag labeled "Socks I have stolen" and hide it behind the washing machine.
One day they will find it and always suspect their washing machine is a thief
Amanoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I leave yaoi hentai magazines throughout their house. It may not annoy everyone (depending on sexuality and weabooness) but I'm fairly sure the majority of people won't be too happy.
I'll definitely make sure that /u/Sandvikovich will still find some magazines years later.
Steal the spring loaded bar in all the toilet roll dispensers.
Or take one shoe from every pair of shoes.
WeberWK ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wrap the toaster and leave it under the Christmas tree.
lolecko ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:50:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
First of all, you get a hold of a million dollars and place it on their dinner table. You take a photo of it and print out the photo. Stick the photo to their refrigerator along with a note that says "The money is hidden some where inside your house. Find it and it's yours." Then you remove the money from the house and watch as the owners tear their house apart
Pair all socks with odd ones. If husband, wife and children all have separate draws, be sure to pair them all with each other's socks. Also put all but one teaspoon in the bin.
Make every framed picture in their house slightly crooked
voi26 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:51:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One morning I woke up and one of my socks were on the other side of the room from all of my other clothes. I still don't know how the hell that happened, so I would do that to people.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:51:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd swap all the spoons with forks, the forks with spoons, flip the knives to the opposite side, change the last channel they were on, face the car the other way, and if I'm lucky rearrange their living room once every month or two.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:51:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange the furniture, if you are sneaky enough you can just sneak in multiple times and move things one at a time until it becomes obvious.
Clean out their cat's litter box for a week straight so they're worried their cat is sick. Then, at the end of the week, take a human shit in the litter box.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:52:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Slowly steal the spoons out of their silverware drawers and watch as it fucking destroys their lives. Then take that silverware and put it in someone else's drawer leaving them to wander where the fuck the silverware came from.
Put all of their dish's in the bathroom and all soaps and shampoos in their kitchen sink.
djak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would break in and rearrange small items, making it subtle enough to make the owners wonder if they did it themselves. A box of cereal in the fridge, a kitchen knife on the bathroom sink, a screw driver on the coffee table. They'd never suspect a break in, just wonder when they left that there.
Well you could be the guy who broke into my dad's house one time. All he took was an electronic change sorter. Never mind the couple hundred dollar camera next to it or anything else in the house. Just wanted that change machine.
Swap out a flavour of food for a different flavour of the same food. Same brand, same packaging, different flavour. Can you imagine how frustrating it would be if everything bagels were your favourite, and every time you went to eat one in the morning, they were plain? And it's not just a one-time thing. This is forever. You can never have an everything bagel again. I have 100% committed myself to swapping your bagels out.
The best would be to just move little things around the house or switch some very small things up. Put salt in the pepper or pepper I the salt.... Just the right amount of confusion to make them feel like they've gone insane..
Break in and mess things up so its clear that I broke in. Then take nothing, that way they feel insecure because they must have nothing of value in their possession... This happened to me apparently I'm poor.
me and my friends used to go around our neighborhood rearranging people outdoor patio furniture. we'd take all of their stuff but move it like 10 feet away from their house or stack all their stuff on a table
Take all of the pictures in the home and scan them into a computer. Then, I would photoshop everyone to have Steve Buscemi eyes. Then print, reframe and replace all of the pictures in their exact locations.
Doug_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:56:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take every left pair of shoes and hide them all over the house.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We had a key to our one of our roommates room at uni but instead of playing a prank on him we just slowly did things to mess with his head. Every couple weeks we'd move a poster he had an inch to the left. We'd move things across his room, set his alarm clock for ten minutes earlier. He played football manager on his laptop pretty much all day every day and one time we removed the disk and put it back in his box. He would always mention things moving, but never clocked. I think we nearly drove him crazy.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange the kitchen counter and change the codes on the remotes.
https://youtu.be/2rOc3QlqO6I that's the worst anyone could do I think. But I guess I would just cut a hole in a wall behind a picture that's hung up. And drop something like fish guts into the wall. The smell would never leave!
bouncep ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
unplug random electronics but leave them in the exact same place
shift all their drawers around(this actually happened to me, i'm still getting my shirts out from underneath my shorts because im too lazy to put it back how it was)
Jayboah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Crazy-glue every piece of furniture, appliance, objects to whatever current surface they are on. Even a fork or mug left on the counter.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all their furniture 3" or so to the left. It's not enough that people would notice, but they'd suddenly start bumping into things. If they're especially OCD like my stepmother, I'd also do what my dad does to fuck with her. She always keeps things like the coffee table decorations or pictures perfectly centered. He moves them very slightly. She'll stare at it forever before finally deciding to move it. Then he'll move it slightly but let her catch him moving it back into place. She'll then come "fix" it by moving back off centered.
I'd move every piece of furniture a few inches to the right or left, so when they walk around the house in their normal routines they constantly bump into things.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:58:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Toast all the bread, and put it back in the bread bag. Remove all the ice cream and replace with something that doesn't freeze, then colour it to the same colour as the ice cream. swap fruit in the fridge with similar looking objects from around the house.
In my 21 year... age of mischief, we broke into a friends house and rigged those string fireworks poppers everywhere. So when she opened a cabinet, BOOM, lifted the toilet seat, BOOM, pulled out a tampon, BOOM!
That was fun.... for us.
nikxid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:58:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Replace all their clothes with the same exact clothes, but in smaller size. Repeat every 2 weeks.
Buy a bunch of dildos in multiple sizes, from bullet size to rubber McFist. Each night leave a dildo on the living room table, increasing in size, culminating in dipping rubber McFist in some chocolate spread and leaving it on the carpet.
Take their toothbrushes, stick 'em in your butt, take a picture, rinse the brushes and place them where you found them, wait a few weeks, and mail the pics.
Steal all sorts of regular stuff like electronics, jewelery, and whatever else a burglar normally steals, but then hide it around town and leave a note sending them on a scavenger hunt to find it all again.
I would take every remote to any device i could find and then steal all the wall plugs to any device i could find. Phone charger, game system etc. I would leave the charging cord though unless it was only a power cord in which i would take that as well.
I actually used to do this when I was a teen. My buddy and I would break into houses and rearrange the furniture, cook a meal and set it out so when they got home it was ready, sometimes we would take underwear from one house and put it in another house. We thought we were so clever and funny, but looking back we probably caused a lot of trouble for people
When I was a kid, a few neighborhood kids and I broke into a neighbor's house while they were on vacation (they left a door unlocked). The only thing we did was swap a couple paintings on their walls and leave an opened can of yams on the counter.
As a kid we thought it was funny as hell. As an adult I realize how horribly creepy that must have been for the homeowners.
I found out later than one of the kids I was with broke into the same house again weeks later to steal stuff and got caught by the cops.
Move their dishes around in the cabinets. Small things at first like start with the silverware and put it in a different drawer. Weird but maybe someone thought it would work better or just got confused.
Every night change one more thing until nothing is where it's supposed to be. They change it back every day until one day they come in and nothing has changed but because they've been so freaked out by the changes they put it all in the wrong place.
I find the one item that obviously has a place that it always goes back too. Not the one they use every day, the they only need once every other month or so. You know like a flash light, that pair of pliers (or other tool), or that one USB key with all their passwords and backups. I find it and hide it under some baseboards or in the wall.
Then after 4 months when I am sure that they have torn the house apart looking for it at least once. I sneak back in and put it right back where it goes. Making certain it is plainly visible at only a glance of where it should be... And then I hide the next item.
Switch all clothing with exact copy but one size smaller or bigger(knowing if there on a diet helps)and do the same for shoes but add a little sauce replace the soul in one shoe it makes one side taller. Replace ketchup with hot sauce, mustard with yellow humus, and mayo with......miracle whip. Write messages every 14 squares on the current toilet paper, and for the rest of their supply of tp unravel to the mid point and cut an x into the tissue then roll it back up. Add red dye to the toilet water. Release 2 ferrites in the house or if they have a dog a honey badger is worth the Hassle. Replace all fruit with wax fruit. Cut a hole in the bottom of there mattress leave a note that says "this is just a simulation". Take pictures of them sleeping and make it there screen lock for there cell phones. Put a bloody fire axe under the couch. Leave an old phone that is set to ring at 3 am every morning in the attic/basement. Leave different mortuary business cards around the house. And finally return every week and put acid in the orange juice.
Bring undiluted hot sauce with me, hot sauce that registers somewhere in the 3 or 4 million Scoville scale. Mind you, this stuff is clear like vodka. I would coat the rims inside, and out of all their wine glasses in their house, all their liquor bottles, everything.
When they drink from whatever, the liquid will reactivate the sauce, and burn their tongues, lips, and throat off.
imjorgy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:05:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace family photos with another family holding their family photos.
I'd move everything in their house over two inches. Just enough that everything feels wrong, but not enough to be clearly visible.
MrDurp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap all the silverware's places. Forks where spoons should be. if the person lives alone I turn the toilet paper the other way. if they don't live alone, I take all the toilet paper. Put their milk in the freezer, yup that just makes no sense at all :)
Take a poop under their pillow and place the pillow perfectly on top. Replace salt with sugar and vice versa. Flush the car keys. Glue in all the electrical sockets. Cut the cable lines. Put dye in the bleach holder of the washer. Pee in their shampoo bottle...
Reverse the order of the cutlery in their drawer. It would be a long con. Go in night one, spoons go where the forks go, forks where the knives, knives to spoons. Give it a couple days. Come back, switch it up again. Wait one less day and go back in. Rinse and repeat until I am satisfied that these people will only use chopsticks from now on.
Switch their TP rolls backwards. Change out the salt for sugar. Put little droplets of Karo's syrup on the floor spaced out so they step on them and notice them but can't quite clean them all up at once. Foreign language subtitles and change their nicest TV to 4:3 aspect ratio. Unplug anything with a clock just to replug it back in and see the 12:00 blink. Leave the milk out on the counter.
Lastly, wear a white sheet and go around the house when only 1 person is home loudly moaning and screaming like a ghost.
Top up the fuel in their car every couple of days, keep it hovering around 3/4 full, then once a month siphon out the whole lot.
TitusVI ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal a family photo
abs159 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pry up the keys on a couple adjacent letters on their keyboard then remap them in software to be their appropriate letter as presented on the (now changed) keyboard..
Sand off a little of the end of one leg on every piece of furniture so it wobbles. Make every wall picture a little bit crooked. Sign into their Amazon account and add a bunch of hello kitty onesie pajamas to their wish list. Rearrange all of the knives in the block. Slightly unscrew a few lightbulbs just enough so they don't turn on. Mix cayenne in with the coffee groumds. Plant mint in their garden, it will take over. Use some tubing to reverse the hot and cold pipes for their sink. Come back every couple of months and do it all again.
In graduate school my roommates and I would move everything in one of our roommates room over about a half inch to the left or the right every other day because our roommate was a prick.
HIDE all the games on steam, move all items on desktop leaving YOUVE_BEEN_HACKED.txt saying I've deleted them.
I can't even imagine ACTUALLY deleting someone else games. Look mom, I'm not an asshole after all!
Move things like silverware and dishes to different locations in the kitchen. Change around light switching for lights on double or triple gang switch boxes.
Jimp0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:11:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go to the same house repetitively and leave the front door open every time. Most people would call the police and have them check their house for intruders. After the home owner learns there are no intruders, he/she will slowly go crazy wondering why their door is always left open with no one inside the house.
Find someone with a large, carefully organized video game collection (I suppose movies could work as well.)
During the first break in, do nothing, merely catalouge the collection, as you have research to do.
Back in your own home, build a spreadsheet with the collection, and reasearch the exact release dates of every game. Then, use that spreadsheet to build two lists.
The first is organized by release date, ignoring the year entirely. In case of overlap, second sort should be number of letters in the name, lowest to highest.
The second list is alphbentical, by the third letter. Second sort should be the fifth letter, third should be the second.
Now, break into their house again, and remove all the disks and all the manuals.
The manuals use the alphabetical list. The disks, the release date list. Also, for each disk, flip a coin. If heads, place it upside down in the game slot in the box. If tails, stick it in the manual.
Carefully replace their seemingly organized collection, then leave.
Your work is done.
Hide in the attic and, using a multitude of different objects, make terrifying noises throughout the night, keeping them wide awake and on the raw edge of terror. I would then steal said items from the attic and bring them with me to the home of my next victim, where I would proceed to keep them awake and terrified all night as well.
Kick in doors, leave random things that weren't there before, move things to different areas then they were before and remove all the batteries, and then hide them somewhere.
pips888 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:13:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mess with their car seat position and change the car stereo presets. And just for the heck of it flip all their toilet paper around so it unrolls the other way.
Gyrozen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:13:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This actually happened to me when I went on vacation. I came back to "for sale" signs in my front yard, all of the labels on our canned goods were torn off, glitter was on top of every ceiling fan blade, fishing wire taped to the ceiling, Saran Wrap on the toilet (under the seat cover), and all the salt and sugar had been swapped.
Unteryn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:13:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ChefofA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:14:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flood drill...everything that I light enough to pick up gets taped above the "high water line". So about 3ft high you just tape everything they would need in a world changing flood, bottles of water, packets of ramen, condoms etc. I did this to an old roommate and even taped all his military gear to the walls and ceiling, along with his boots, flack vest, gas mask. He was pissed
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:15:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My old youth pastor rented a house in college with some friends. Occasionally when returning home there would be things left out like the milk or the fridge door would be wide open. Progressing over the next few months when they would leave for class they would come home to find the furniture in the house re arranged and the tv on. At first it was just odd and thought it to only be a harmless prank or the other room mates were being careless.
One day they were in the backyard and noticed that the padlock on the old cellar to the house was unlocked. Being curious they opened it up only to find a cot some clothes and a few simple items. When they questioned the landlord he told them that he hadn't had a key to the lock for years but that it was connected to a crawl space in one of the bed rooms. It turned out that there was a homeless dude living in the dirt floor cellar and eating their food when they weren't home.
After totally freaking out they called the cops and changed the lock. After that they never had anymore problems but it always freaked him out knowing there was a stranger living right under their feet.
My MIL has a huge house full of a lot of crap. Most of it -- all of it -- is garbage to me; empty bags, books, trinkets, souvenirs, 20-year-old boxes of Stove Top stuffing, decorative soap, etc. She thinks it's all worth something.
When she and her husband travel, my husband and I stay at their house for weeks and months. My MIL is deathly afraid we're going to steal her junk. When she gets home from long trips, she checks the house to make sure the things on her mantle or in her china cabinets or on the laundry room shelves are all still there. She acts like its a pile of goddamned royal treasure.
So, I never steal anything, but you can bet your ass I pick up one plastic resin American eagle statue that's been in the same place for decades and swap it for a Yankee Candle or move one framed photo of a cross-stitched kitchen and swap its place with a picture of a sailboat pressed into gold-leaf.
I hope it makes her insane. She's never mentioned anything about the innumerable swaps I've made over the last decade or so, but fuck her for thinking I steal lunchmeat packets out of the deep-freeze she dropped in their sometime in the 1990s.
I knew about half a dozen people who rented a house together when I was in college. Someone snuck into their house while they were out and absolutely plastered it with Debbie Gibson posters. /u/wil would have loved it.
My 90-year-old grandmother is ultimately convinced that "monks" have been going into her home and rearranging things. They also cut out specific people in family photos such as ex-boyfriends.
I'd move all the furniture about a foot to the left, then alphabetize all their books and movies. If they had a DVR, I'd record the home shopping network.
First I'll mess with the neighborhood bully. You know, replacing his slippers with smaller sized slippers, changing lights to lower wattage bulbs, switching his toothpaste with his foot creme... those sorts of things.
Then I'll win the love of a part time carnie/adult bookstore salesman.
The End
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:18:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
1. Locate any jigsaw puzzles in the house.
2. From each jigsaw puzzle:
A. Select one piece.
B. Using scissors, cut that piece in twain.
C. Return one half of the piece to the box.
D. Burn the other half of the piece.
E. Place the box in its original location.
3. Rub palms together.
Break into houses, take EVERY piece of furniture, silverwear, cups, bowls, w/e, and flip them upside down.
Idk about you, but if I woke up and entered my kitchen to see all the furniture and shit upside down, I'd probably think my house is haunted or something.
smi2000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:20:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the batteries out of the remotes and reverse them!
Turn all the clocks back by 15 mins.
Remove all the labels off the tinned food....surprise meals!!
Switch all of their cereal bags into different boxes
09wkd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Repaint the walls, replace all the furniture, pictures etc. Basically make them think they woke up in someone else's house.
Remove every food item in the fridge, cabinets, pantry and freezer and fill them to capacity with jars of pickles. Just, all of the pickles. Pickles everywhere.
Open all the windows and play porn on the TV at full volume in the middle of the night. Remove/keep the remote batteries.
Move everything a few inches, flip doors to have the doorknobs on opposite side (Doors that open on the right would open on the left and vise versa). Glue things to the surfaces they're on. Change computer backgrounds. Small shit they can't exactly chalk up to mistakes but can't figure out how it happened.
I would put as many items as I could into the attic. They would be so happy when they find out their stuff wasn't stolen, but so fucking angry that they spend all that money on new stuff.
Afa1234 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch off all the breakers, unplug all the electronics, unscrew all the light bulbs enough that they won't turn on and to cap it all off switch all the batteries around so that the positive sides are where the negative sides should be.
egalroc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would fuck with their remote control settings.
LuuKen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would put lipstick on and smear it on a few white shirts of the husband. No husband in the house??? Fuck it. I'll still do it anyways just to mess with them.
kodat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:24:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If they have a second floor or basement that I know they frequent, I would add half stops to the stairs in a random order. So as they walk, their bodies don't know what's coming and they trip.
I did this at my last job and it always made me laugh so hard my sides would ache.
When a coworker has a day off or is just gone for a few hours I use these very thin metal ties and I tie various objects together on their desk making sure to leave very little slack and to hide the ties well.
When the coworker returns I find a dumb excuse to ask for something on their desk right away, usually something heavier where they have to commit some effort to moving it, but it HAS to be one of the objects tied to others.
Watching them freak out as a dozen object leap off their desk and tackle them to the ground is fantastic.
Leave a note saying that I've stolen something. Victim will desperately hunt around their house trying to work out what it missing.
oper619 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:26:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I live about 2 Hours from my mom. One time I happened to be in her neighborhood for work and she was not home so I took the cushions off of her couch and put them underneath the couch.
Powder their floors with flour, leave a pan of water for them to step in beside bed, vaseline door handle, hide car keys n phones, unplug electric items with clocks in them
Take all of their batteries... TV remotes, clocks, etc.
buggaz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:27:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Add stuff. Copy photos and edit them into places, situations and with people unkown to them and frame it for them. Write cryptic post-it notes, pregnancy tests in drawers. Wedding catalog for a couple.
shedsy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:28:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Everyday, if their bed isn't made, I would make it, but if it was, I would unmake it.
Take a massive shit in a 32oz or 44oz cup, and hid it somewhere obscure in the room like behind some furniture so they don't know where the shit smell is coming from.
My friend and I discuss this more often than we probably should, and it always comes down to doing really small things and making small changes in someone's house and how long it would take to notice.
Some of my favorites include: leaving a bottle of water every day in their refrigerator, leaving just one cupboard door slightly askew, digitally manipulating family photos to make small changes in the background, leaving post-it notes for each other under the identity of someone else in the family, leaving the television volume on max and then turning it off so every time they turn it on it's unnecessarily loud.
I cover every square inch of their walls with Vote Trump/Vote Clinton flyers, whomever they hate the most. The kicker: the flyers are superglued onto the walls.
I will take bag full of shit and with the help of a big paint brush paint all their walls with unique designs.
Take plastic film (the one you use to wrap food in the refrigerator), and place them in the toilette in a way it cannot be easily detected when looked from above.
Swap all the toilet paper, putting it under if it's over, over if it's under.
Find their toilet paper, put rolls in random places: the freezer, the kitchen cabinets, in their clothes drawers.
Replace their coffee with decaf, in the caffeinated container.
Replace their butter with unsalted butter.
Replace their light bulbs with lower wattage bulbs, except the refrigerator, put a 250 watt bulb in the refrigerator.
Turn a radio on so low that it's barely audible.
Hide a ticking clock somewhere that they can hear the ticking, but where it's difficult to locate the ticking by the sound alone.
Move all their knick-knacks to different areas.
Move their furniture slightly, like 3 inches.
Put different sheets on their bed.
Poor or drink half the water out of a case of 24, and leave it around their house in various places, as well as the fridge. Open all the bags of chips and leave them like that in the pantry. Leave Four bowls of cereal in the sink, with 1/3 of it eaten. Peel off the seal on resealable oreo container. Put their tv into dev mode and make the rgb scaling so that the picture is all one color, and set it as default, so even if they reset it, it stays. Switch all their water lines in the bathroom for hot and cold. Put a 3 pound bag of sugar in there reverse osmosis container. Change their sprinkler times for outside so that the grass gets dry spots. And one tree gets over watered. Unscrew all their lightbulbs halfway so that they are off but still in.
CBO0tz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:29:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think if there comes a point where if you call the people you "confuse and annoy" your victims, you're probably just scaring the fuck outta them.
When you're stuck in a backwater dirt road next to a dilapidated gas station and your friend went missing while checking out the back room of the gas station and you think: "Oh that silly burglar, making my friend disappear.. Okay, the jig is up, come on out Kyle..!"
I don't think Leatherface's intent was to confuse and annoy you, that's more an unintended side-effect of systematically killing you and your friends.
1) Set their refrigerator to the lowest setting but the freezer to the highest so it would take longer for them to figure it out.
2) Take a full size human dump in the litter box. Let them think their cat did it.
3) Glue all of the toilet paper rolls so that they will not unroll. Do the same with the paper towels and hide the napkins well.
4) Place clear Saran Wrap underneath the seat of the toilet directly on the bowl. Make sure there are no wrinkles and it is as clear as glass. Place the seat back down.
When in uni a friend and I unhinged the front door to a female friend who were away and totally redid her room.
It all started with us being annoyed with the suboptimal way she had set up her stereo. However, once we had started we realized that most things were suboptimal so we redid everything and then restored the front door.
When she got back she a bit taken aback (duh!) but was so pleased that she kept the way we arranged things. Eventually we told her who to thank... :-)
If they have a DVD collection, take movies out of their original case and put them in a random other case. Do this for all DVD's. Steal insignificant, but things that are needed for a certain situation, like a pizza cutter or thermometer.
Switch out their shoes for a smaller size. Change their alarm setting. Switch their foot cream with their tooth paste. Sabotage the lamp. Salt their liquor. Switch the door knobs. Change their speed dial for their mother to a mental health line.
I'd just do what my wife's ex did in their house once and turn everything, all the furniture, all the pictures, at a VERY slight angle. Not enough for you to realize the furniture had been moved, but enough so that you feel like something is off kilter.
taybul ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:37:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cook bacon in their kitchen but leave no trace of it.
I've actually done this to an old friend of mine when I was younger. I would break into his house and take all their forks. Then I would re arrange their furniture in their living room. It was easy to break into his place, he always left his window open and I was often bored while living with my grandparents. He only lived on the next row of trailers from me with a row that separated us.
I have lost contact with him since these days and I wonder if he ever knew that it was me that was doing it......
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:38:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange all their photos and shelf knick-knacks into really inconvenient arrangements.
If they had lots of knick knacks, I would arrange them into scenarios.
I'd sit in the room opposite from the people living there and sing. They'd never know where the music was coming from. Every once in a while I'd incorporate their names into the songs I was singing.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:38:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Have a really good clean of their house would baffle in a nice way.
move move random objects in different places of a long period of time. The moment they suspect someone is moving things, you no longer are a burglar but a poltergeist.
Replace all pants in the house with ones 2-3 sizes smaller. All the females will think they gained weight. Dieting will ensue and it will ruin their next few weeks for everyone in the house. Mwahahaha
I change many of the photos in the house with different ones from other spots. So basically, frame remains the same, I just exchange the different photos around the house with one another and I aim for people who obviously havent changed those things in a while. That or I add really old school pranks around the house, electric doorknob, whoopycushion, lego in the shoes that kinda idea.
I would make a whole bunch of lasagna, eat it, and then not clean up after myself. Can you imagine the kind of scrubbing power they would need to fix that mess?
Every time they boil the kettle pour the water out.
Eldigs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:43:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
At about 14/15 my friends and I were given a set of keys to a friends house to hang in while her and her folks were away.
We used to get up to a bit of mischief at that age although nothing too major but we thought it would be fun to go in and smoke some pit we'd gotten hold of. While high we had the great idea to turn everything upside down; the tv, photos on walls, artwork, microwave, played in the cupboards, perfume and moisturiser, lamps, washing basket etc...
We thought it was hilarious and left it like that for when they returned. Her parents were so pissed when they got back as they didn't know she'd given someone her key she was grounded for a month. She said it took quite a while before they realised some of the wall art was upside down so it stayed like it for a couple of weeks. Our friend was cool, she knew us and found it funny thankfully
kirkiri ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:43:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make subtle changes to there furniture layout,and move couches 3 feet one way,move all of there pictures onto and opposite wall,and hide all of the TV remotes
Cla55y ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:43:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the chairs from their kitchen table to their attic so the people think their chairs have been stolen. Then when they buy new chairs I'll swap em out with their old ones.
Being one of the first to show up at a family function, I rearranged a room in my grandparent's house. Just little things, not furniture. Swap knick-knacks, rotate lamps so the switches are on the other side, restack the dvd, vhs, cable boxes... It took just over a week for them to realize it and they thought they had been burgled until they started finding things. This is what I'd do... allow a cursory glance to pass. Of course if it weren't my grandparents I'd do evil shit like fucking with remotes, batteries, TV inputs... sick shit like that.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The first time it will be a minor annoyance, then, over the period of months, and when they turn into years their patience will crack and their mind along with it. Unable to visit the toilet without the toilet roll being the wrong way they will so no other option but to throw themselves off the nearest bridge.
That or blame their partner. Either way endless fun.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In high school we would get stoned and take people's front yard decorations and set them up exactly how they had them but in their neighbor's yard.
Record the full spread ofmidnight infomercials over the most recorded thing on the recorded tv shows. That or swap all the dvds out of their boxes so there is no finding the right movie.
Find all of the remotes for TV's and what not in their house. For anything with two or more batteries, turn just half of the batteries the wrong way. Reorganize their food cabinets/refrigerators so they can't find anything at first. Print login and password details to various dating sites and leave them in/near the tray of their printer. Leave a can of coffee/tea out from a brand that they have never used.
It would start off small. I would leave the front door unlocked. Put things away in places they don't belong. Like their shoes under the sink. Leave doors open. Leave cabinets open. Then I would turn it up like leave the channel to a tv station that wasn't what they last watched. Like Shopping channel. Or leave it on with low volume. Turn all the glasses in their cupboard up instead or down. Make them a brown bag lunch. Put their name on it in my hand writing. Leave them notes like reminding them to do something they need to get done. Rearrange their living room. Add an obscene number of cutesy throw pillows on their couch. Change the sheets and make their bed. Change their shower gel to something that is obviously not theirs. Leave pictures of them sleeping in frames by their bed. Turn down the heat in the winter, turn heat on in the summer. Put a sock
In their toaster.
Then I would slowly start to gorilla glue everything down. In the house.
No joke. This actually happened to a friend's mother. They got divorced and the husband would break into their place and steal all her left shoes. It got a lot creepier than that though. He used to move furniture all around and one time he left a single bullet laying in her open dresser with all her clothes removed.
You know those tables with a single, quite thick leg in the middle? Yeah, I'd carve the leg into the shape of a penis, then sweep up the shavings and put them into a bag that isn't tied shut right where the victim will step out of bed.
Misplace the remote somewhere else. Maybe under the couch
sezrawr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the batteries and light bulbs. Confuse them for a short while!
Hozuay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Write random fake reminders on their calendar. "July 15 Larry's Birthday! Don't forget!"
Wybaar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into two houses right next to one another while both families are out (and ideally are going to be away for a couple days.) Swap various items between the two houses (exchange TV remote controls, items of clothing, canned goods in the pantries, pots and pans, dishes, [unused] bars of soap and bottles of shampoo, etc.) Plant small spy cameras and microphones so you can witness the families' confusion when they return.
Wire pressure plates (really tiny ones at that) under their carpets so that when they get stepped on it plays Flash Delirium by MGMT nonstop until the song ends.
True story from maybe 2 years ago.
My father forgot to lock the garage in the evening and as you might expect it now: a burglar took his chances. Obviously everybody of my family was asleep then, so we have no idea what they have really been doing but realizing what things are missing we were just puzzled. We have a big hall that is connected to the garage which my father uses to produce all sorts of stuff for his shop. Also, the garage is connected to a storing room, we have all sorts of stuff there.
So, the day afterwards, I got up and went downstairs to the storing room, to get some apple juice - just to realize it was gone. 9 Liters of apple juice. Of course I was just confused at that point same as my parents that I talked to about the matter. Eventually we just ignored it and just went on with our breakfast. Afterwards, my father went to work and well, now it became obvious: The laptop there was missing, same as the computer screen he was storing there. Then it finally became obvious what was going on ... Crazy stuff, in total, the burglars took some "normal" things to steal like the laptop and the screen but also these 9 liters apple juice, a sixpack beers and quite a lot of frozen food ... I dont know what was going on with them ...
Even more crazy is, that my father just recently got a new computer at that point, which was standing in the storing room as well. Really nice thing, dont ask me for the exact set up but it was around 2000โฌ I think ... Still standing there ...
Hide all their keys and adapters for their cellphone chargers in the most random places. Like in the tank of the toilet and under the sink, behind the pipes!
A guy I used to work with would occasionally get up early, grab the newspaper from the lawn and then do the crossword puzzle. He would roll it back up and put it back on the lawn. His dad loved doing the crossword puzzles. The dad would get so pissed he wall call the newspaper and blame the delivery guy for doing his crossword.
Put a few drops of bleach on everything. All your couch cushions will have a few bleach spots. Flip them over and I put it there too. All your clothes, towels, everything.
I befriend the victim then steal something of importance like csr keys or a cellphone. When they express their frustration at losing their object I respond by saying "well where did you last see it?" I then wait 2 days and place the object at the place they last saw it.
Install an operating system from 15 years ago on all the machines while keeping the files. Redirect all their Internet traffic on the router level through a German vpn so a lot of things become inaccessible or worst: in German.
Sebleh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:53:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Squeeze all the toothpaste to the back end if the tube.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:55:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put his toothbrush in my ass and take one masked thumbs up mirror selfie and upload it to his living room photo frame among the hundreds of others on there.
Many posts so this must have been covered:
Every main room has a point of entry where, when in said room, everything is visible on a peripheral level.
Go in 3-4 main rooms. Select 1 item. Tchochke, remote, coaster set, etc. Move 2" to the left or right. Repeat every week or so until resident is insane.
( no kids rooms - you wouldn't notice. And, hey! We're not monsters right? Just trying to scramble their fragile egg brain !)
Turn all of the items in their living room upside down
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
About once a month, raise the height of one step in their staircase by about an inch or so. Pick a different step each time, and replace last months step back to it's original height.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide all their spoons, and find their e-mail. Then, consistently send them anonymous e-mails with "spoons" written in white text, multiple times at the bottom of the e-mail. That way, when they open their e-mails, they'll see a bunch of ads about spoons on the side.
1-Currently about to stuff my mums pillow case with glitter.
2-Got the paper towel tubes stuffed with glitter taped to the top of the fan blades. Holds everything in there until it gets to speed. For maximum coverage.
3-My parents also have a large shower head that is now packed with kool-aid.
Thinking of a few other things over the next few days. This is what they get for not taking me on vacation with them. Sucks being an adult and getting told "you can come but you're paying for your own spot on the cruise"
Were i'm from some gypsys borke in to a house stole the car keys and left with the car, a few days later the car was back with the keys and a letter saying " sory for the car but we realy needed it here are two opera tickets for the problems" so they were happy for the car and went to the opera , but when they came home the house was empty ,nothing was inside they took every thing..makes you think how they come up with these ideas
I'd swap things, but I'd start out subtly so it gets progressively worse. Open their utensil drawer, swap the forks and spoons first. Maybe even move the kettle to a different burner. Then, swap the bowls with cups in the cupboards, and reverse the batteries in your tv remote the second night. I'd go as far as to even swap clothes around in your dresser a little bit the third night, maybe even swap your toothpaste with the cream in the drawer. I'd also subtly move things by a couple centimeters. Just enough for you to get really confused/double take.
On the last night, I'd reverse wire one of the switches in your house so on is off, and off is on. Oh, and I'll move the couch over 2 inches every night for a week.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:00:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Far too late in the game to get noticed but I love telling this story so here goes.
In Chattanooga there used to be a person that would come into my dad's house in the middle of the day when no one was home.
He would sometimes do a small load of laundry, always took a shower, and would make a sandwich and have a glass of milk if it wasn't the very last of it. He always washed his dishes and towel and left them drying. The only thing missing ever was the once in a while pair of socks.
To be fair, the door was usually left unlocked. Nobody ever caught this person or felt sure who it might be. The pattern was truly random and I assumed they had other houses to visit.
Totally fucked with my dad who had to inventory the house every time it happened. Of course, he never locked the door.
Clean their fucking house. They'll never find anything!
ylmcc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:01:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unplug their electronics and leave a note saying they will all break in two days and replace the remotes so they dont work with their electronics.
capilot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:01:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OK, this actually happened to me:
Shortly after I moved into my house, I went away for a long weekend. When I got back, I saw that someone had gotten into my house while I was away.
Whoever it was had brought in the mail and cleaned out the cat's litter box. Nothing was missing. I'm thinking, "boy, we get a better class of burglers in this neighborhood."
Turned out the old guy across the street had a copy of the house key, and when he noticed I was gone, he just did for me what he'd always done for the previous occupants.
I moved to a terrace house with a new baby, I was out of the house just after moving, came home to find all the tons of washing that had been on my line had been taken down, just as I started to worry the elderly next door neighbour appeared with a huge basket of freshly ironed laundry, she too had done it for the people before and saw no point in stopping just because it was someone new. From then on I wasn't allowed to do any laundry. (I really miss living there)
I couldn't find the video, but on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson (yes, I am old) there was a celebrity that told a story about a neighbor of his who was bragging about the gas milage his new Volkswagen was supposed to get when he bought it. So a few of that neighbor's friends got together and started filling the tank with gas every night after the guy went to bed. He was bragging that one tank of gas lasted him over a month to his neighbors and they never let on. This guy was telling people everywhere how great his new car was, all the time his neighbors were having a big laugh behind his back.
put a suitcase on their bed, when they open it, they will see a fake layer of money. when they remove that layer, there will be a letter that says, "A#"
Flip their toilet paper from over to under.
Move the remote to a different location
Rearrange their silverware drawer
Pull the strings of all their hoodies to make them uneven
Unplug their phone from the charger
eat the last cookie
empty all but a drip of milk and put the jug back in the fridge
siphon their gas so their car has the gas warning light
set their alarm 25 minutes later
move the TV an inch to left and the couch an inch to the right
loosen screws on cabinets
turn off one of their fuses
empty the water in their keurig
crack an egg in their crisper
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I see you on the hockey sub all the time man, weird seeing you here lol. But anyway I would just move every piece of furniture two inches west of its original position. Very slightly, every night, for like a year, slowly driving the home owners mad.
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:09:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I recognize your name from there too :P
Didn't realize I could get recognized after not spending too much time there
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I spend (sadly) a lot of my time there so I recognize people here and there lol.
Switch every battery around. Devices won't work and will look correct upon a cursory examination. Spray strange cologne/perfume in living quarters, bathrooms, and bedrooms. Nothing like a little marital stress to compound your nonfunctional electronic stress.
Move once a year stuff around. In the UK it'd be your car insurance or home insurance details. Stuff you leave in specific places. That's going in your loft.
Also going to replace all the batteries in the house with dead ones. Apart from one set, with very very low charge.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would sand approximately 2mm off the bottom of each chair, different legs so things are really irritating, I would then do the same to the opposite corners of the table so that rocks. To make things a bit more fun, I would add a tiny weight on the back of each photo frame or picture so it is constantly lopsided. I would possibly switch over so when they turn on the hot water they get cold and the cold water hot.
Move every bit of furniture 3 inches to the left, and wait for the stubbed toe profits!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:10:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the login to their router/modem. Average user doesnt seem to know how to do a factory reset these days. And they do not know what the fuck to do when theres literally no internet.
If they're like me and a lot of other people, they have a container(s) full of wrapping paper, ribbons, tissue paper, etc., Take it all, but leave the containers.
Replace all paintings(if any) with Banksy art, put dishes in the washer and clothes in the dish washer, unscrew every lightbulb from the socket when done, put a birthday cake in the fridge, and install a stripper desktop app on their computer if it has no password.
Rearrange all pictures in the house, open all carbonated beverages so they go flat, unplug all electronics, turn off or set the alarm time, let the dog out of the kennel, repeat once a week.
mwryu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:15:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take today's newspaper. Place it where it should be the next day and take that day's newspaper. Of course, I would change all date settings of household electronics as well.
There was actually this old guy I knew when I was a kid. Really smart but super super religious. He convinced a bunch of kids to dress up like Bible characters and go around at night doing "constructive vandalism". But the group fell apart once he moved to Israel.
Drip some gravy on the floor all over the house so they get their socks dirty, bring in a humidifier and turn it of with all of the windows closed and the heating on so the heat and humidity will make them sticky and sweaty as well as keeping the gravy nice and warm for them to step in, cut up some bananas and scatter the slices all over the house and pre-squish them so it covers as much space as it can.
Collect all shoes in the place and leave them in their freezer. Attach note to freezer that says "#THUG LYFE".
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:18:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the batteries out of their remote controls and place them back backwards.
Log out of all of their streaming services on their television/set-top box.
Unplug the one more important/most used video cable.
Turn their shampoo bottle right side up.
Swap the spoons with the forks in their silverware drawer.
Turn every other book on their bookshelf upside down.
Call and have Comcast service hooked up. They'll never be able to get rid of it.
Take every dvd out and move it to the dvd case next to it.
Replace their toilet paper with 1-ply.
Squeeze the toothpaste out of their tubes and replace them with soft margarine (butter). I don't know why I'd use margarine but it seems extra annoying.
Disconnect the drain underneath of their kitchen and bathroom sinks.
Clear the history and cookies from the web browser on the family computer. They probably don't remember their passwords and at minimum they'll have to figure them all out.
Exisael ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:18:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find someone with mild OCD. Break into their house while they're not there (obviously), and tilt all their light switches by a few degrees. Not enough to be really noticeable, just enough to subconsciously drive them nuts.
Cultkid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:18:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move somethings an inch to the left and others an inch to the right spot everything going feels a bit off
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:20:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would car jack people but instead of joy riding I would pimp their car and return it. Literally like on the show, fix the mechanical issues and add the most obnoxious tacky upgrades that don't make any sense for the pos car they have. Originally they kept the car because it still ran ok and they were ok with its looks but now it runs great and looks like hot shit.
Swap their food and supplies with like products. If they get name brand stuff, swap it with the generic. Vise versa if they only go for the generic. Mix as needed.
I leave traces of porn on their TV, Computer and any other device that can access porn. And I leave notes requesting comments on my taste in pornography to be left for my next visit.
A few years ago, I was at Walmart grabbing a new toothbrush when I ran into a guy I went to high school with. He explained to me that he needed a new toothbrush because someone broke into his house, made and apparently ate some food, took a shower, changed into some of my friends clothes, left his clothes behind, and brushed his teeth. No one knows why, and they never caught the guy. So that. I'd do that.
I had a couple-friend who were trying to get pregnant (had not been trying long) - I went to a Chinese herbalist in the mall I work and asked what they had for this and it was some kind of snake extract; possibly snake sperm because he mimicked what I could best describe as milking a snake.
Got the bottle, which was labeled "Snake liquid - Make baby", and hid it in their medicine cabinet. They both found it and then told me independently that they found it and that their partner was getting pretty desperate. Asked if I thought they should talk to the other one about what they found.
Sneak in at night and tangle the headphones still on their just to fuck with 'em.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I look in their cabinet and see which brand of cereal they don't eat.Then,every day after they eat breakfast I change the cereal in the bowls in the sink to the brand they don't eat.I also scatter a few
bits of the cereal near the dining area but I leave the original cereal untouched.
Decorate their entire home, inside, and out for Christmas. Go all out! Inflatable Santa, Snowmen, and Elevs. Obnoxiously loud music, and strobe lights. Blast every inch of their cars with that spray on snow/frost crap, and decorate them as well.
I came home from work and found my toilet brush in my bathroom sink. It seemed like such a gross, disrespectful thing I immediately started thinking of who had access to my apartment and might want to send me a "message".
I checked my email and it turns out they had had a leak and had to check the toilets on my floor (normally they are good about giving 24 hour advance notice) the really gross part is the maintenance person just forgot to put the stuff back, they probably put stuff from people's bathroom floors in their sink all the time as they do their repairs and just put it back and no one knows.
Rcove28 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I delete all their DVR episodes, even Game of Thrones. Then I hide the remotes in the ceiling fan. They'll turn it on days after having bought new ones and be so confused!
We actually did this to a guy on our hall freshman year of college.
Break in night after night and move everything in the room 1-2cm to the right every day. Over time they will finally notice and move the couch back to where it should be. When they do. Take EVERYTHING and move it outside the house/apartment... Preferably arranged around a pool.
Take out all the food from their fridge and rearrange on the floor to spell "I know what you did". Also put in their toilets some sealed up plastic bags loaded with all their batteries.
Put a rake outside their bedroom door facing upwards. Hope they walk out the door rubbing their eyes.
Alternatively invite a homeless man into their house and tell the guy the home is yours. Tell him to sleep on the couch. Sneak out while said guy is asleep. Trust me the owners will wake up puzzled.
Someone once smashed my front passenger window, pulled everything out of my glove box including a GPS, and left it all on the front passenger seat. And that was it... I don't think I'll ever figure out what the point was.
I drive a Jeep Wrangler with no top/doors on it 90% of the time. I came out of my apartment the other day and someone had emptied all of my console/glove box into my front seat and adjusted my seat to a very uncomfortable position. I still haven't managed to completely get it right again.
Find cell phones, edit contacts by switching the cell numbers for contacts they have with the same name. This is a fun one to do to your friends even if you dont break into their house.
Remove all the light bulbs in the house and stick them in the cupboards above the stove/refrigerator. (Seriously no one really checks these.) Take only the left shoe of every size in the closet and put them under the bed. Take a dump in the INTAKE vent so crap smells through the house immediately. (Seriously, who wants to wait for results?) Glue only one trophy to the laundry room ceiling (because no one thinks to look UP.) Put a bucket in the sink and fill it with orange juice. Frame the Elvis LP and hang it on the wall. Reset all the televisions to only work on AUX mode.
Change all the locks to ones you need the key to open from both sides then hide the keys all over the house (leave the ones used to lock them in taped to the outside of the appropriate doors).
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd only break into houses of couples. I'd stalk them and I wouldn't break in until the morning after date night when they leave for work. I'd walk in the house, open the fridge, and eat their left overs.
jjdubbs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dye all eggs various colors in fridge and replace milk with different percentage...also glue different colored hair to different animals, including feathers on cats
So, you're the Manson Family. Before the Tate/LaBianca murders they did dry runs they called "Creepy Crawly" where they'd break into people's houses while they were sleeping and rearrange the furniture.
jrm2003 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If they live near a place with foot traffic, install a motion sensor in line with their doorbell. Every time someone walks by, their doorbell rings.
They pop out: "Can I help you?" and the person standing outside is baffled. "Um. No."
Hoegn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:39:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This actually happened to me! My mom and I were supposed to bring one of our old couches to her friend's house and her daughter would be home to let us in. They lived in an apartment complex where all the houses looked the same, so we knocked on the door and the daughter let us in, but seemed weirded out by the whole thing. When we finally get the couch into their apartment, my mom gets a call from her friend asking her where we were. Turns out we reversed the numbers in her address some random girl let us drop a couch off in her living room.
throw a brick through the window with exactly enough money to replace the window attached to it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why not both? I'd unplug everything I can and steal every cord in the house. Every power cord, every charging cable, every connector, every adapter, any cord that connects to anything powered.
I would switch directions of all the toilet paper rolls, change all the alarms to go off 6 minutes early, and switch the "o" and "u" keys on all the keyboards.
Write in a big poster and tape it across master bedroom door:-
"If I can break into your place, it would be a cakewalk for a serial killer. So, for God's sake, upgrade your security system if you don't want to end up in some guy's soup or steak.
By the way our company XYZ offers huge discount on security systems. No installation charges".
XYZ being the rival's company, that asshole took half of my business away!
Yeah, crickets would be good. Maybe there's some exotic pet that eats spiders.
Neapola ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The other day somebody stole everything in my apartment and replaced it with an exact replica... When my roommate came home I said, "Roommate, someone stole everything in our apartment and replaced it with an exact replica." He looked at me and said, "Do I know you?"
- Steven Wright
Alphabetize their bookshelves. Reverse the direction that the toilet paper rolls. Neatly fold and put away their dirty laundry, making sure to mix all the socks.
This happened to my parents in the early 80s living in Garfield Heights, OH. Someone kicked in the front door, opened all the windows, removed towels from their linen closet/tossed on floor, and then left. The police that reported were not surprised and said 6 other homes had an identical B&E pattern. They assumed it was kids messing around and or people looking for drugs/money.
dbuck79 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:47:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the batteries out of the remotes, controllers, etc.
She does this in the movie Amelie. I'd tell you what she does but the movie is good and you should just watch it.
Watttaw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:47:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove photos from frames hanging on walls and put them back upside down but the frame is still correct side up. Same with desk photos. Maybe change locks out on doors if enough time. Make things really obvious but also very disconcerting. "This bastard was here long enough to change my locks!!!" Would be a horrible horrible feeling
At a business, I would switch the men and women signs on the restroom. Could you imagine the confusion when women go into the bathroom and see a urinal, think they went in the wrong one only to come out and see it is the women's restroom
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:48:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Coat all of their possessions in gold leaf.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:48:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would break in when everyone is sleeping and strategically place lego bricks so that when the owners get up and get on their feet, the first thing they would step on are the legos.
Steal one thing from their closet every week. I had a friend do this to me leading up to April Fools and it was brilliant. I thought I was going mad because clothes aren't something you typically don't lose or misplace.
1) Download the entire audio of the directv help channel
2) Place a speaker in their walls, and rewire some power to it
3) Begin the torture!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:50:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find an unlocked car and flip their air fresheners upside down. That's what happened to me, anyway.
galanir ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:50:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove all the labels of their tin cans so every meal is a surprise meal
If i have a lot of time: turn all the couches and stuff upside down or paint the wall neon pink
If i have little time: hide key items like the remote control or phone chargers
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:50:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy one of those smoke detectors that beeps when the battery is low, place a dying batter in it and then put it inside their ceiling between floors.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:50:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd leave things in their house that they'd need to use to piece together a story. Objects, notes, SD cards with documents, videos, and audio files. Eventually it would take them to other nearby locations with more clues. Then it would just drop off and the person would get no complete answers on the surface.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:50:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace their light bulbs with eco friendly fluorescent bulbs, and start slowing removing all their paper products. Also replace all their meat with vegan products.
I'd switch things around, meaning I'd take stuff that's in one drawer and put it in another. Also, if the person had a litter box I'd take a dump in it to make them think their cat is sick. (Cards Against Humanity Reference)
File the rubber buttons on remotes down so they're flush with the plastic frame. Forcing them to press really hard, and now they don't know what button is what
Leave some pineapples in some unconventional places. Do this for several weeks, then stop for some time. Repeat. Bonus points if he gets a heart attack in the supermarket.
Move people's rooms into other rooms. For example, moving the kid's room into the parent's room, and moving the parent's room into the kitchen, moving the kitchen into the basement, and moving the basement back to the parent's room.
Dig a hole under their house, install a door in said hole, connect a red stone circuit to it so its in a constant open/close loop, fill hole up, leave.
I would remove the caps off pens in public areas that have them out for people to use. And for the pens that are in those stands i would just take the stands so the ink dries out.
jsmoo68 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unplug all of their electronics - tv, computers, microwave, etc. And take all the batteries from their remotes.
Edit: and/or go into their sock drawer and take one of every second or third pair of socks.
A buddy of mine used to do this when we were in high school - he once broke into two houses on opposite sides of the street and switched the master bedroom mattresses. Made the beds and everything.
Find every clock in the house and set each one so that they're all different by a few minutes
Put opaque tape on the optical sensor of computer mice
Every day, set the thermostat so that it's one degree colder
Each day, turn off a power circuit for a random room
Take the cereal out of cereal boxes and replace it with crushed Cheezits
Take all of their knives, scissors and other cutting tools and put them in the cabinets. Zip-tie all of the cabinets closed, but leave out one pair of scissors. Zip-tie those closed as well.
Rearrange the furniture in their bedrooms
Leave little pieces of fake mouse shit in the corners of the rooms on the floor
Leave a copy of the movie The Edukators, after rearranging the furniture of course.
Anything you do will be blamed on their influence anyway...!
In 2006 a group of left-wing activists calling itself "Hamburg for Free" dressed as superheroes, robbing food from upper-class stores to distribute to the underclass. The media considered the crimes inspired by the film, and some protesters had T-shirts and banners reading "Die fetten Jahre sind vorbei" (The Edukators' original title). In 2009, a statue stolen from Bernard Madoff was returned with a note ("Bernie the Swindler, Lesson: Return stolen property to rightful owners") signed by "The Educators".
Good movie, recommended.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put the wife's dildos everywhere in the food while they sleep.
One time at work, me and my coworker worked night/evening shifts. We swapped the salt, sugar and pepper around on all of the tables in the canteen. I was a wild 17 year old
I would sneak into their house and poop in every single pair of pants they own.
toojer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace their laundry detergent with fabric softener. They'll think their clothes are getting clean, but be unsure because they still smell a little funky.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put bullion cubes in the shower heads.
Allfate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip their toilet paper rolls upside down in their bathrooms
Razlyk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all of their clocks back by a minute or two every day for months. Watch as they wake up a minute later every day.
I realize this would be funnier if they didn't use their phones to tell the time as well.
djoba ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put the shoes in the freezer
meep30 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:59:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me of a night out drinking some years back. We were coming back to my friends apartment around 11pm on st pattys day pretty drunk. Someone let us into the building and we made our way to his door. But the keys wouldn't work. I also noticed a Chicago Cubs mat on the ground which I thought was weird since he was a Sox fan.
After trying multiple keys my rather large friend decided to ram the door with his body, shattering the door open. It was a hilarious sight to see. So I walked in and went straight to the fridge like any normal person does. I grabbed a Jimmy johns sandwich and took a bite out of it and turned on the TV. That's when I realized I didnt get any Jimmy johns, my friends apartment was never this clean and he didn't have a 70inch TV.
Then it all clicked for us at the same time. We were not in the right apartment. We broke into someone else's. So we booked it out of there.
The next morning I woke up with a TV remote in my pocket. That person is going to be so annoyed when he can't find his/her remote and sees a bite out of a Jimmy johns sandwich.
Break into cars without damaging them and set all the gains on aftermarket amplifiers to the lowest.
Fuck with the thermostats in houses and if there computer isn't pin protected print screen there desktop and set is as the background and delete shortcuts. Then put the sugar in the salt bag and vise versa
Assuming you have a lot of time:
Remove all the current furniture and refurniture the house with very old, unappealing 1970s couches, chairs, lamps, rugs, TV sets and bookshelves.
Like when you go to your grandparents house.
I'd steal there soap so they couldn't wash the thought of the robbery away.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We used to break into houses as kids. Used to drink people's soda and cereal. Buddy loved to take batteries out of remotes too. Then he started stealing money and jewelry so I stopped hanging out with him. He ended up doing a few years for stealing cars.
I recently stayed at an AirBnB where the hosts had a half built puzzle stashed away in the corner of the room. I felt like Satan himself was forcing me to hide just one piece before I left in a random cupboard or something like that.
Drusiph ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:03:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break in and rearrange all of their wall pictures and decorations, set all clocks back 3 hours, change the sock and underwear drawer, put the creamer in the crisper, move all bookmarks ahead 10 pages, switch all DVD's into random cases, lower all mirrors 8 inches, leave a happy birthday card in the deep freeze and leave.
Plug the lamp into the socket that is not connected to the light switch. I guarantee the plug would be the last thing they troubleshoot.
1P221 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:04:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is something people do in some cases. It's about psychologically messing with someone. It's common for burglars to defecate in random places and typically they don't steal anything. They get a high from knowing they traumatized someone else.
Shift each piece of furniture an inch or two to the left and tilt each picture by a couple of degrees.
A bit more creative ... I would redo the main staircase so that one stair is an inch higher than the other ones. The homeowners would keep tripping while walking up the staircase with no clue why.
Sprinkle tiny lego pieces next to their beds. For maximum effect, also put legos in their shoes, so just when they have cleared the danger and think their feet are safe--nope.
Malinut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nah mate, three pin plug. (UK mains, 240v) Three pin plugs were actually adopted by medieval torturers when disembowelling was frowned upon.
A friend of mine came home to a broken back door window and the door opened. Clearly a burglar broke in. The door led to the kitchen, where my friend flicked on the lights and found the following scene: a pitcher of kool aid spilled all over the floor, and a handful of paper towels half way soaking up the spill.
He said that he remembered leaving the pitcher on the counter before he left, so our best guess was that some guy broke in, accidentally knocked over the pitcher in the dark, and his domesticated instincts kicked in and he started to clean it up. Then he realized "what the fuck am I doing, I broke in here" and immediately left.
Remove and re-install all of their USB ports on their devices upside-down. You thought you knew how to plug the printer in behind your PC without looking? Not anymore.
Make a mess and make it look like i took something, but in reality everything is still there. They will get really confuesed trying to figure out what i took
Buy Junk from yard sales and leave it in beliveable spots around the house. "Honey, why did you get this hideous cup? Well, it's with the other cups, and I didn't buy it."
I vaguely remember hearing a story about some guy breaking and entering and just stealing TV remotes to drive the residents crazy looking for them. For some reason I think that was a Dane Cook bit.
I'd start by lifting all the toilet ๐ฝ lids. While I was in the bathroom why not take the rolls of paper off the holders and set the rolls on top of the rollers instead. In the bedroom lets pull out a couple pairs of socks and toss them in random directions. Then set a pair of boots in front of the door on my way out so the door hits the boots when opened. Lastly take the milk out of the fridge set it on the counter with the top off.
365wong ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:11:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change out the batteries in your smoke detectors with batteries that are almost dead.
Place food items of theirs around the house. I wasn't a burglar but use to do this at parties in high school with my buddies being immature. We thought it was hilarious and people were always confused
Get the whole block's wifi router names and switch all the router names with the nearby houses but they still have their own, correct passwords so it works fine. But it'll bug the owner why their wifi signal is low.
lilegg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:13:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Every week or so, buy a new mug. Break into their house and make a mug of tea or coffee. Drink half and leave it somewhere like the desk, the table, a counter. They'll just think they just didn't finish their drink and probably won't notice the new mug. But after several weeks, they'll notice all these new mugs appearing in their cupboard they swear they've never seen before.
Move everything in the kitchen to new cabinets, drawers, and shelves, then I'd turn everything in their house around so it was facing in the opposite direction of how it was originally faced. Couches, chairs, dressers, electronic devices, soap bottles, shower curtains... everything would be facing away. Oh, and I'd flip every picture upside down. Then I'd open every door/cabinet/dresser, turn on every light, turn on every electronic device with the volume all the way up, set off every alarm clock, turn on every fan and set it on high, and set the air conditioning to the coldest temperature on the highest setting.
Finally, I'd leave a small note on their coffee table with the message, "I couldn't find the pencil sharpener".
When I was younger I kind of did stuff like this. My friends and I broke into this one house often because we knew the family was rarely there and unspool their toilet paper and switch coaxial cables from their VCR and TV. We stopped once the kid told us that his dad beat him and his brother because they got blamed for messing with the TV to hook up their nintendo.
abmaps ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:13:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all electrical outlets and switched around. Same with hot and cold water knobs
Paint a accent wall a slightly different shade every week until it was an atrocious color. Then once painted to a new color by the owner, paint it back.
I once broke into a house and took all the lightbulbs from the first floor and placed them on the welcome mat. I cant even imagine how that fucked with the residence when they woke up.
Anything and everything that's on a wall. Posters, pictures, crosses, hats, hell even the nails that they're hung up on. It would drive them insane to see that previously occupied wall.
Loosen screws to everything, in some doors just remove pins to the hinges. If the bed has slats, shift the support slats so it's balanced just so until someone tries to get into bed. Mess with the chain in the toilet tank. Replace batteries in all the smoke detectors with old nearly drained batteries.
coryesq ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:18:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
True story. I once went into my friends dorm room and cut off all the labels to his can foods so the only thing left was a plain cans.
I wanna play a game. Is this peas or pears? Choose wisely mother fucker.
fpuk69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:18:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move shit around that they clearly don't use often, and swap the contents of drawers and cupboards at different ends of the house #headfuck
Make a fake Facebook profile and steal all the pictures of the ex and then say inappropriate shit to them as the ex. "I want you back".."it was my fault, I'm sorry give me another chance"
We did this one to our buddy. We unscrewed all the light bulbs in his place by a half turn so they wouldn't illuminate, but we're in perfect working condition.
Put duct tape on the insoles of all of their shoes. Hopefully they won't notice until after they've been worn and gotten sweaty so that when they take off the duct tape the inside of their shoes will be forever gunky
Hide little pictures of creepy looking Oompa Loompas everywhere in their house. I did that to my best friend while she and my brother-in-law were in Hawaii. No joke,,it took over two years for her to find them all.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If they have cats, flip the toilet paper so they cat can waste the entire roll.
If they don't, put the toilet paper so you have to roll towards the counter/wall. That shit drives me insane, must drive other people insane too.
Place a small device that plays What's New Pussycat seven times, followed by one It's Not Unusual, followed by thirteen more What's New Pussycats every morning at exactly 7:36 am.
Neatly fold all of their underwear and place their valuables on top in the underwear drawer
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm just going to steal a joke from Dane Cook and say i would kick open the door and place a new lamp on their table... then when they come home they'd panic "our house got broken into... did they steal anything?" and over the next few months " OH MY GOD WHAT DID THEY STEAL! ALL THEY LEFT IS THIS UGLY LAMP!"
1namyad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Look around at all of the wall outlets and steal whatever extension cables they have. It'll ruin EVERYTHING
When I was in halls at uni this girl always left her room unlocked. In a effort to teach her about security I opened a multipack of crisps then emptied all the individual packs back into the large bag. She didn't learn her lesson, eventually someone stole her laptop.
Not original, but great. - Break into their garage and ADD a couple of gallons of gas to their car's tank. Do this for few weeks. Then, start taking the same amount OUT for the same period. . . at first, they' ll be amazed at their great mileage . Then. . . . . . .
Go into a school and take all the writing utensils. ALL Pens, Pencils, Markers, Crayons, Chalk, everything and put them in the room that the principal puts all things they confiscate.
I did this with a friend while at college: friend lived alone quite near the college. One afternoon when he was away, we broke in by removing the putty from around a window and removing the glass pane (he lived in a really gross, run-down block but his actual place was ok on the inside).
We moved all his furniture around - moved his bedroom to his living room and vice versa. Swapped shower curtain for lounge curtains. Set his kitchen up in his bathroom - microwave toaster. Even carried his fridge to the hall (plugged it in. We're not monsters). Spent a whole afternoon doing it. What dicks.
Then he came back a few days later and... Never mentioned it. We thought he'd guess it was us and then we'd go help him put it back again. A week went by so we had to ask. But the only person he told was the police. Oops. And he struggled to put most things back himself. He did small scale pranks on us so we thought he'd figure it out. He wasn't angry about it - but we did feel like dicks that he took it so seriously.
Bardsly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:39:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find all the pencils in the house and line them up in perfect order on a desk or table. Sharpen them to all be the same length as well, so they'll find a row of perfectly straight and sharpened pencils next time they go to that desk/table.
swap salt for sugar.
make sure theres always a lo roll everyday then one day remove all loo roll and hope they ate the laxative laced/contaminated foods in their fridge.
Rearrange everything in the house while they're away. They'll come back with a look of confusion while frantically searching throughout the house wondering what's missing.
skullaw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tale down all of their successful reddit post and then repost them to the same subs but on my account
Thuryn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You go through their Reddit histories, editing all of their comments and correcting grammar and spelling mistakes. For example:
You're a burglar. (comma splice) But instead of stealing things, (needs comma) you do things to confuse or annoy your victims. What do you do?
Also, I pull all of the lightswitches out and make it so that down is "on" and up is "off". Reverse the toilet paper rolls (regardless of which way they were facing). Set all of the clocks 7 minutes fastslow. Flip up the arm on the ice maker so it stops producing. Turn off only the hot water under the sink. Stuff the dryer vent full of socks. Put a piece of bacon along the very back of two kitchen drawers. Set the thermostat as high as it will go, then set the fridge to as cold as it will go. Turn the volume on the stereo ALL the way up and set all of the stations to country stations, except the third one is NPR. Swap around the dresser drawers. Turn every third book upside down on the shelf. Hide the second to last book in any series in the very back of the linen closet (like down deep behind the sheets you never use). If any gloves are found, put ONE of them on the upper shelf in the bedroom closet, unless that's where they were found, in which case, toss it behind the dryer.
I could go on, and a lot of things that would be really annoying are also closer to "theft" like pouring milk into dozens of glasses and leaving them all over the house, since that "steals" the milk.
If they have cats/dogs/other furry pets, give them all lion cuts. Use the excess fur to leave a light dusting of hair over their leftovers and any other readily openable containers in the fridge like the milk or margarine. Bonus points if you have the skill to shave random words into their animals, like excelsior or guava, to create further wonder
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:42:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal every remote and drive by the house randomly when the family is home and change the channel or turn something on/off.
OGNips ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:44:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ask the same question that people have been asking the past week
odood19 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:44:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Empty all containers and fill them with water. Even the tub and sinks. Every spice jar, cup, bowl, and shot glass in their kitchen. water in the gas cans and wine bottles in the garage.
I would have so much fun doing this. To start I'd put different coloured hair in their brushes/combs, then leave them in random places like the fridge or washing machine. I'd also take one of everything that's a pair and hide it. Oh and I'd swap things, like the shampoo into the conditioner bottle and visa versa. I love how this question brings out the evil little child in me lol
This one is going to get buried but whatevs
It's a long haul plan
1st, start faking proof that one of the people living there is sleepwalking
Maybe get dirt and rub it on their feet/legs/pajamas. Make footprints with their shoes and leave the door ajar.
Over time start throwing other activities in. Do their dishes, wet the sleeves of whatever they are wearing and dab detergent on their hands so they smell like it.
Brush and groom their animals and cover them with the fur that came off.
Rake their lawn and leave leaves in their hair.
They think they're sleepwalking.
Then one day obtain a bag of human blood from where ever.
Get a lot of it on them, drench their clothes and their hands. Make sure some is near enough their mouth to keep them guessing. Leave a bloody trail that leads to their bed but started outside, making sure that their is no obvious starting point (helps a lot if it's raining).
hoopa1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:44:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change their voicemail. Nothing would freak me more especially because I wouldn't notice for a long time.
N_D_V ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:44:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A little late to the party, but something my friends and I actually did during a party (which was hosted at his Mom's boyfriend's house) was move all the kitchenware around just to fuck with him. Figured it didn't hurt him, would just confuse him and be funny af.
Swap his and her bedside tables. It's the little things
MSW235 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:45:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the labels off all the canned foods in the cupboard and glue the toilet seats down. However not before you upper deckecker the fuck out of the toilet and plastic wrap the doorways
The other day somebody stole everything in my apartment and replaced it with an exact replica... When my roommate came home I said, "Roommate, someone stole everything in our apartment and replaced it with an exact replica." He looked at me and said, "Do I know you?"
My friends and I used to actually do this to another friend of ours. We'll call him David, because that was his name.
We discovered a basement window at his house that was perpetually unlocked, and an idea was hatched.
Every couple weeks while he was at work we'd sneak in and rearrange a piece of furniture. Once we even brought and left a used lamp in the den. Sometimes we'd eat his food and do the dishes when we were done, being sure to take all the trash we'd made with us when we left.
This went on for most of a summer. David never once mentioned a thing to us about it. To this day (20+ years latet) we still don't know if he even noticed.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Install a Bluetooth remote and drive by their house changing their TV channels.
Move everyone's bookmarks back so they keep rereading the same pages.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:50:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take off the toilet seat... put it in the dishwasher. Remove the toilet, put it in the garage. Take off all couch and chair cushions put them under the beds. Take all pillows and blankets and move them onto the furniture. Line up beds on stairs. Stack dinning room furniture. Remove all light bulbs and hide them throughout the house. Exchange deadbolts with door knobs. Let dog out on leash.
go2bob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Over a month or so, slowly replace the salt with sugar.
I did this to my ex-wife. About a month in she was adding "salt" to her spaghetti at dinner. After the fourth load of "salt", she looked at me and asked: "Do you think the spaghetti is sweet?" I lost it right there. Best laugh ever!
Put lubricated condoms on the inside knob of the bedroom doors, saran wrap the doorway at average face-height and shin-height, also toilet bowls, every sprayer nozzle for your sinks are taped, but I used a lighter to make the scotch tape blend in with your sprayer handle.
It was stealing, but it was both confusing and annoying.
Somebody broke into a house that I had just started to rent. The still-in-the-box flat screen TV was there, there were plenty of electronics around, and he could've easily taken the video game/movie collection. Heck, I had even left my wallet there accidentally with $59 in cash overnight.
All he took, however, was a frozen pizza, half of a pad of Post-It Notes, and a single bottle of Mountain Dew.
I knew it wasn't somebody with a key, because the security cameras showed somebody wearing a hoodie and very conspicuous pink gloves cutting a hole through the fence and breaking the glass of the patio door.
Still, the fact that only the pizza, the Mountain Dew, and those Post-It notes were stolen made me wonder if it was a prank.
Tortured myself for days trying to figure out which of my friends did it, or if one of my friends did it all, since I kind of needed the money to have the door fixed.
Kempeth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sort all their physical media (books, dvds) by the Dewey Decimal system.
Release 4 guinea pigs with the numbers 1, 2, 3 and 5 respectively on their backs
Gently break out the keys on their keyboard and put them back in alphabetical order. If they have two then just swap m and n on the second.
Place Do not disturb signs on their front doors every night. Stalk them to find out where they vacation and follow them to continue to do this. If they ever hang the sign with the "please do my room now" side out, launder their sheets and towels, then move to a new target.
Each night, i would simply drive a 4 foot long spike into the ground, but just enough so that it remains upright, after a few nights a person would notice they have several big ass spikes in their yard, once they start removing them, i stick a spike right outside they front door, with a note attached to it saying "Fuck NCR" and a box right next to it filled with fake dynamite and a blue jacket... i dont know where im going with this so i'll just leave it there
There's actually a german movie about this topic (or at least similar). It's about three young people who break into houses of rich people and rearrange their furniture. They just want to show them that something is changing and they shouldn't feel too secure about their lifestyle and wealth.
Rather than taking their items, I add items (that they already own) to their house.
I start with something subtle: an extra pencil on the desk, an extra bag of crisps in the cupboard. As time goes on, the intensity of my malicious acts intensifies until one day my victim returns to the house and realizes they don't remember buying that second car.
Moving all of their items around into hard to find places is about as bad as stealing them.
MrFML ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:54:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
back when I was in the military, I used to switch people's bed head to foot and make it perfectly neat. the confusion was priceless because usually no one noticed at first.
also..
I would put lotion in napkins, then take the lotion, dirty napkins and a strange magazine and leave it sitting around.
is it strange that I get the most amusement out of people's reaction to things like that? I really love capturing those WTF moments people go through as they process.
creace ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:54:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I go in the kitchen and move everything to different locations.
Like, lets say the utensil drawer was near the fridge, id move it by the sink. Or if the cups were above the sink, id move it to where the dry foods were stored, and move that to where the pots and pans were, and move the pots and pans somewhere else.
Rearrange ALL of their furniture, and not just by a little bit, completely re-do all of their rooms. Flip decorations upside-down. Put photographs upside-down in their frames. Repaint a wall. Buy a calendar identical to theirs and copy all their appointments and times onto it but on different dates. Replace all their lightbulbs with coloured lightbulbs. Turn their TVs around so they face toward the walls. Take everything out of their cabinets and drawers and put them back away but in different places. Install curtain rods and curtains on walls that do not have windows. Take doors and hinges off their frames and turn them around so that they open from the other side.
Replace all the toilet paper in a bathroom with half ply
SKJ07 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:57:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything in the house a couple inches to the right, its a small change but will have your victims walking into all their furniture.
Lentilk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:57:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Somehow block the diodes in remotes and/or tellies so they wouldn't be able to send/recieve the signal so they would have to change the channels manualy.
Ah yes! I would switch every drawer in their bedrooms, and set their clocks and alarms 15 minutes ahead. Let the confusion, frustration and desperation commence getting ready for work!
This one requires either a universal remote or a smart phone with an IR blaster. Find super religious family. Find window that can see TV and program remote or phone. Set series recordings for anything that would be in a LGBT playlist. Bonus: if they have On Demand (or similar feature) rent all the porn, scattered over many nights so it shows in the recently viewed screen.
Take the photos displayed all throughout the house, scan them, photoshop yourself in the photos, print them, hang them back up like nothing ever happened, wait. ;)
A few years ago when the mrs. and I were still flatting (together), strange things started happening. At first it was nothing major. Things would occasionally be in the wrong place, and the other flatmates claimed they hadn't touched them. Internet pages would be open on the computer which we couldn't remember opening. A couple of times full bottles of milk would be purchased in the morning, and gone by the time we returned home from work. Now back then (and now lol) we smoked a fair bit of pot, so for a while we just put it down to that.
Eventually, however, something happened which we couldn't ignore. I came home from work early one day and noticed the back door was open. I entered cautiously, with a builders knife in one hand and an old towel in the other. I heard some noise toward the kitchen and crept in there just in time to see a foot vanishing up into the ceiling hatch.
Obviously I freaked right the fuck out! Ran outside to where I'd hope to be out of earshot, called the cops and then went to the neighbours while I waited. Phoned my GF etc. The police showed up fairly quickly, and managed to convince this homeless looking guy to climb out. He wasn't violent or angry, but apparently he was a drug addict who had lost everything and had been spending his days in our house (he'd seen where we put the spare). He later admitted to having been doing it for a few weeks, and had even slept in the ceiling on other occasions when he hadn't left by the time we got home. He'd helped himself to basic foodstuffs, our pot, our internet and our toiletries.
He made a plea bargain and was sentenced to home detention / curfew at a homeless rehab center. Regardless of his seemingly harmless intentions we had the landlord change all the locks and gave our notice.
I've grown up in the same house pretty much my whole life, my best friend lives next door. We'll call him Steve for the time being. Well anyway we both have garage doors that open with a code you punch in on a little pad by the door and we both know each other's codes. One day I come home to find every single cabinet and drawer in my entire kitchen wide open. That mother fucker. So I shut them and wait til a few days later when nobody is home at his house and go do the exact same thing to his bedroom. Not quite burglars but a funny relevant story I felt
I had a plan that everyday when someone leaves their house I would take the potted plants from around their house and leave it at the end of their driveway. So, every time they cam e home they would have to park in the street and move all their plants back. Over time I would add potted plants around their house to make life difficult.
G0ILIEM ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:03:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If they have an unsecured computer or laptop, take a picture of them and put it as their background.
This is the exact premise of Swiper the fox in Dora the Explorer.
Iputtie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Get this, I've been stalking this family for weeks. Here's the kicker, I snuck in many times before, taking pictures of family photos. I photoshop the family's skin black, and replace all family photos. But that's not it, I will put this face around every corner. That's still not it, I will also take all the meat I can find (not including humans) and make a meat effigy. Still not it... Every disk I will replace with Rick Astley's, Never Gonna Give You Up, they'll look the same but not the same disk.
put condom wrappers under the bed and in the trash cans. Place cheap earrings in the bed. Put long hair in the shower. Do this to someone who lives alone and is not a girl.
True story that happened to me. Break in and flip all cups filled with liquid, water bottles, TVS, and whatever you can upside down. God that was such a bitch...
Change their outgoing voicemail message so nobody would ever think they have the correct number, they'd never get any voicemails, and never know why. This would have worked better years ago when people still had home phones sadly.
bravo90 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:10:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal all the door handles and knobs and handles on all drawers and cupboards.
Mdizz3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:11:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide the TV remote in the most random places..fridge, freezer, cupboard, bathroom...
i3na ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:11:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I break in and leave things. But not conventional things. Like weird shit.
Like rubber band balls, old halloween/xmas decorations, lava lamps, earrings without backs, ect.
I would constantly swap the sock and underwear drawers. Then I would close all the AC vents and take all the deodorant... I am from Texas don't judge lol
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Hack there temperature controls with a Raspberry Pi, like in Mr. Robot, then plant bamboo in there yard. Follow up that by replacing there SIM card with a identical one that doesn't work. Then in their favorite DVD's, put random jump scares in them. Also, I would go to there work and replace their hard drive with some other random Guy's and leave a creepy .bat file, script kiddy style. And finally modify there keys so it opens every car from that manufacturer with a range of 20 miles, and it takes 25 minutes till it also sets of there alarms. Finally, in there google drive or something, I would leave a note on how I did this all so, after the car thing, the police would go to their house and see it.
EDIT: and of course hide random security cameras that aren't in so I can't be traced.
Get in the refrigerator and empty all the liquid containers (milk, orange juice, sodas, beers, etc.) and put all the emptied containers back in the fridge.
Grease up their cat or dog after dying it blue. Then hang a roasted chicken from the ceiling. Before I leave, I put a man-sized glue trap infront of the main door.
Break into a pretentious neighbour's house and soak all the labels off their fancy wine bottles. (Source: Mordecai Richler book, St. Urbain's Horseman, I think. )
Sceye ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:16:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
smear shit on all their furniture
adhal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:16:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Squeeze out a portion of their toothpaste and replace it with Anbesol/Orajel.
As a side note, I messed with one set of foster parents by randomly cutting out pictures of famous people and putting them in the many, many frames they had around the house. Like, a picture of Edith and Archie Bunker would be amongst the pictures on their credenza, while the Huxtables would be amongst the arrangements on the stairwell.
I would replace their pictures with Nicholas Cage pictures. Either the entire picture or just the face crudely over a member of the family. I would decide once inside the domicile.
I break into their house. Take the biggest most nastiest shit I can. And I leave it there without flushing. To complete it, they have to deal with my skid marks.
Before I leave I take all of the toilet paper and replace it with 1 ply.
HughGnu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace their Mayonnaise with Miracle Whip. Or vice versa.
Switch their salt and sugar or their baking soda and baking powder.
If they have mint toothpaste, change it to a different flavor of mint, like spearmint to peppermint. Or just one of those non-flavored toothpastes.
Change the fragrance of their glade plugins/ or add glad plugins.
Change the direction of their toilet paper rolling. Unfortunately, this is the only thing one would need to do to end many marriages, if done repeatedly, so only do it once people!
Wait until the night before a big game or awards show and reprogram their remotes. Or delete the program if it is still unwatched, or just queue it up to the ending, so when they hit play, it instantly ruins it for them.
Replace their lightbulbs with ones that are really old, they will be dealing with that for a while.
If they have reading glasses, replace them with random strengths.
Replace all their pictures of the same person, like their grandma or daughter, with pictures of Carrot Top.
If they do not have Windows 10, upgrade them to it.
I'd swap cushions around, change the radio station that's tuned in, turn the toilet paper around ao it's facing the wrong way. Just little stuff, small enough that anyone who listened to their complaints would think they're just losing it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:23:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would sneak in at night & unplug all their electronic to drain the batteries. Then I would change all the clocks to make them an hour late. I would empty out their shampoo and conditioner bottles, and replace them with lotion. Have fun getting that grease out of your hair. I would also go and find a really smelly mushroom called Dog Penis, and tape it under their bed. I would also put soy sauce into their Coke bottles. Take all the toilet paper from the rolls. Cut a hole in every sock. Set their alarm to 2 am and hide it somewhere in the room. Put oil on every doorknob.... I can go on and on, as I have actually done some on this stuff, but I can't tell you all my pranks.
Switch the positions of their silverware and plates in the drawers and cabinets.
Spray WD40 on their door hinges until they open and close a bit too smoothly.
Now they'll always be banging their knees on furniture, picking up the wrong plates and utensils, and accidentally slamming their doors and there's nothing they can really do about it hahahaha
Replace all family photos with edited ones including me, leave other pieces of evidence around that I am actually part of the family, and then wake up on the couch one day and act all insulted when they try to kick me out
Obviously choice is to get one of those devices that's makes a random beep sound, like a low battery smoke detector, and just hide it somewhere where they can't find, like in the attic.
If you're really evil, you can release a mouse on the lose, assuming they don't have a cat or dog.
I used to work in a private club that was over 100 years old. (along the lines of the Bohemian club but not quite as big, rich or influential) The building had a lot of hidden compartments, and forgotten spaces that lent a sense of deep history. There is a small, dark library on the top floor that makes you feel like you're stepping back in time.
I don't know exactly what happened with all of them, but I did see a couple members discreetly walk out with one. I could have tried to stop them since they're not supposed to take things from the library, but I get more enjoyment imagining them with this "prize" at home thinking it's some mystery from the early 1900's.
scm518 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:26:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I rewire all outlets so that they are all linked to lightswitches.
As a teenager we did something just like this except only to the outside. We had rules about not breaking or damaging anything. Just take whatever Lawn furniture/ornaments potted plants etc and rearrange them in the oddest way possible. I think the worst thing we did was move for sale signs to the wrong house.
We actually did this in college. I had a roommate in college who was one of these complete OCD neat freaks, to the point she'd have a tantrum and screaming fit for a half hour if something was off kilter just a little bit or wasn't vacuumed to perfection (bear in mind too this was a ghetto college rental so there were holes and problems everywhere). We actually started messing with her by watering down her alcohol, moving her furniture, rearranging her DVDs and CDs, even renaming files on her computer on the network we had in the house. At first we did it just as a practical joke, then later as the year progressed as a passive aggressive way to get back at her for her going into our rooms while we were sleeping and throwing her tantrums. She never caught on we were doing this either. However, the house actually was haunted (random pockets of cherry tobacco, and none of us smoked, also books would be flung at us, and our hair was yanked if we were up late) so we sort of blamed the ghost. Finally end of the year we couldn't take her tantrums anymore so we all just slowly moved out. The cable box and modem were in my name, so guess who got the last laugh when I moved out and took them with, returning them a month early.
Daemec ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:27:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shit in the kitchen sink. You know years from now they will be doing the dishes thinking why the hell did someone shit in their sink.
I leave 1 random sock in the dryer, switch what shelf things are on in the fridge, put the toilet seat up in the bathroom, slip papers with names and numbers into jacket pockets, leave 1 earring on the nightstand in the bedroom, slightly twist all of the bulbs in light fixtures so they blink off and on, look up conspiracy theories on any internet capable device available. I'd leave an empty dollhouse in the living room or bedroom, go back periodically to add things, then to rearrange and redecorate (often putting dolls in compromising situations). After about 2 months replace dollhouse with an exact replica, scaled larger, including dolls. In the kitchen I would take dishes off of shelves and stack them on the floor, add a shopping list containing unusual items and pin recipes to the fridge, leave baked goods on top of the oven, or inside of it with the door open. Also, set the table for the amount of inhabitants +1, put place cards at each spot with pictures taken of the residents while they sleep, the extra place will have a picture of the doll I leave in the dollhouse.
Mix pigment and an oil based personal lubricant to make a paint. Use it to paint a doorframe or window frame, or even just an outlet cover. It's not only mysterious fresh paint. It also will take ages to dry and make their house smell like lube.
Hamabo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:30:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In the wall of a child's bedroom, I'd cut a hole the size of a small blue tooth speaker. Place blue tooth speaker inside on full volume. Repair the hole.
Middle of night play creepy things like footsteps, scurrying of mice feet or Donald Trump. The possibilities are endless.
The first time I deployed to Afghanistan we lived in barracks and high ranking members shared a room with someone on the opposite shift. We had one guy get selected for promotion but hadn't been promoted yet, they put him in a room by himself (otherwise you'd live in a room twice as large but with 8 other guys). We broke into his room on my day off and got 2,000 dixie cups filled with water and lined his floor with it.
i would hide their remote controls and mobile phones in random places to make them belive that they are forgetfull or going mad, a remote control in fridge and mobile phone in a draw.
I would do something really horrendous. I would go through the house and thoroughly clean it including washing the Windows, cleaning the carpet, scrubbing the bathrooms, etc.
Remove all visible screws. (switch plates, outlet plates, cabinet door handles and hinges, doorknobs, etc.)
Glue all of the things back together with construction adhesive, but slightly off.
herbw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:34:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave an upper decker in every bathroom.
Upper Deaker- The act of defecating in the upper tank of the toilet.
F_Dingo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:37:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd swap everything in the kitchen around. Plates, bowls, spoons, forks, you name it are all getting put in different places. Cupboard where the spices are? Not anymore, that's where the bowls and cups are!
My uncle used to do this to stink out my grandmother's house. She has no sense of smell so used to think the rest of the brother's were making it up out of spite!
Did this to a friend at uni who liked to meow. Every week we would get a bag of cat litter from the supermarket and hide it in his room.
Got to 9 bags before he spotted them.
Some were blatantly in plane sight as well.
If you see this Joe, know we'd do it again in a heartbeat
COWRATT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:45:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move around a couple of keys on their keyboard and watch them go insane
Wait until a rich family goes on vacation. Break into the house, turn on all the sinks, lights, car engines, A/C units, and reset the bank safe and front gate passwords. Wait for them to come back home and go crazy when they see the power bill, have to climb up their own fence to get inside their house, and have to walk 5 miles to get fuel for their fleet of Bentleys.
Yurei2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:48:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I reverse the connections of all battery operated devices, except for one randomly chosen device. I then bake a roast and leave it on the counter, frosted to look like a cake.
Cut out hundreds of strips of paper with the words, "Nope, not the last one." and fold them into these and these. Then put them all over, but mostly out of sight. Tuck them behind books on the shelf, under cushions on the couch, behind the toilet, under the trashcan, in the linen cabinet, under cups in the cupboard, behind boxes in the fridge and cabinets, behind knickknacks, stuck to soap, push them through the slits of boxes of cereal, in drawers, lamps, and light fixtures.
For bonus points, find out where they work and leave some there as well.
Being that I'm a somewhat organized person (I like everything to have a place, and it goes in that place) I would rearrange their silverware drawer. Move dishes around in their cabinets, and put a full load of clean dishes back into their dish washer. Everything would be moved around in the refrigerator, freezer, closet, and clothes we would be put in different drawers.
I like to do this kind of thing in grocery stores, but making sure the prices match. Just completely on a different isle.
When I lived with my brother, I would prop up empty soda boxes on slightly ajar doors in the house. So when you opened the door, light, obnoxious boxes would fall on you. It didn't hurt, but several boxes fell on you, so it was funny to me.
Assuming that I have like all day to do this, it would be great to make every room the mirror image of that room. You know, rearrange the furniture and pictures and everything. That would be pretty weird to come home to, I think.
Chloroform them in their sleep. Drag them into another room and remove their clothes. Leave similar clothes that are too small or big for them on the floor in the room. And go on your merry way.
TooMad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:51:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If I am already a thief then steal all the digital alarm clocks I find for a year. Once I have about 20 synchronize them and make sure the battery backup isn't dead. Place one at every hidden outlet and set them for 3am.
T_Rash ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:53:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put the batteries backwards in the remote control.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:53:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Someone in London ran by our table when we were eating at Burger King and grabbed something. After a few seconds of checking for everything important, we realized he stole some dirty napkins? Certainly confused us!!
In the late 70s, my neighborhood had a rash of burglaries that started our first neighborhood watch program. No one knew how these robbers were getting in and stealing so fast. They hit at night and the day, sometimes they cleaned out a house in broad daylight.
One weekend we were away and got a call from the watch program that they noticed a door open in a secluded area in the back of our house. We drove home and found that a huge amount of our valuables were laid out nearly on our rec room carpet, like they were inventorying and sorting them for later pickup. The police guessed that they were interrupted and fled when the neighborhood watch volunteer came around.
But the messed up thing was when they hit a house with kid's toys. They would break and destroy every toy they could find: ripping the heads off dolls, smashing furniture, bending bike wheels, and then write on the walls and mirrors stuff like DIRTY BOY and WE'LL FUCK YOUR DAUGHTERS WHILE THEY SLEEP and WE'RE COMING BACK. Heavy stuff to read in your own bedroom as a kid.
Nothing was stolen, but they tore up our house pretty good.
They captured the people doing it eventually. It turned out to be a 19-year-old kid, and his step brother, who was only about 8. The younger kid was really skinny, and would often sneak in through tiny windows that no one would think an adult could get in, and then the kid would find a door that he could open in a secluded area so he could let his older brother in. Once they established how much valuables they could gather, they'd call a pay phone from the house, where a few other people (teens to early 20s) would answer and show up with a utility vehicle (like a van with a telco logo on the side). Then they would just grab everything in a really short amount of time.
Several of the teens involved were actually from our neighborhood, and had a good idea who left when and how long they were gone.
If possible, get on their computer and see if they left themselves logged in anywhere. If they are logged in to a social networking site, make a update saying "It's been a long time coming but tomorrow I finally tell the truth. I need to sleep now but in the morning I'm finally going to tell you all what I've been so afraid to say to some of you for so long."
Weaken everything almost to the point of failure, but it's impossible to detect before they break entirely. Legs of chairs, the TV's power supply, the button on the coffee maker - things like that.
swap their silverware, spoons go in the forks place etc, that or switching around their wall hangers, paintings and photos all mixed up, maybe even arrange the furniture a little
Move all the furniture slightly to the left/right so they stub their toes on everything!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:05:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Clog the sinks and leave the water running. I would call myself the wet bandit
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:05:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"I'm outside fumbling with the lock. Its nothing serious, just a residential deadbolt, but doing it quiet means I need to strain my concentration, and for longer. A lot longer. I get nervous. I start sweating. I control my breathing and my hands stay steady. Well before expected I hear a 'click'. A smile creeps across my face.
I grab my bag, gingerly, and keep it level as I raise it to my height. As I silently force the door open, I push the bag through first, and shut the door silently behind me, but not before stuffing my tools into a large coat pocket.
One motion.
Seamless.
It is pitch dark in front of me. I sneak forward to the living room, and peer around a corner to find a coffee table. Perfect. I set up my bag and begin unpacking. With precision silence I pull 21 margarita glasses out of my bag and place them into a pyramid formation onto the table. I look through their fridge. No milk. Goddamn vegans. I look in their pantry.
Olive oil.
Whatever.
I take the olive oil and begin pouring it onto the top glass. It is very topheavy. The oil begins favoring one side over the other. I begin to feel the anticipation as one side of the pyramid becomes unstable. It begins to tumble as I cackle with glee. The glass shatters. I am erect.
The owner of the house comes out of his bedroom brandishing a small bat. He screams, 'What the fuck is this?!'
I cackle more as I scream back, "OLIVE FUCKING OIL"
Switch their espresso with decaf. Lock their keys in their car. Bury the tv remotes and the cords to the Internet modem. Basically do anything my four year old has done to me.
I would go through their pantry and open every jar so it pops then close it back up. And turn the pictures on their walls slightly askew.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:07:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip the batteries in the remotes, put used 9volts in the smoke detectors, drink half their milk and fill it back up with water, short sheet their beds, set all clocks three hours behind and all alarm clocks to go off at 3AM (real time), Chang he tint on the television just enough to be off, but not enough to know instantly what's off about it... I could keep going, I have a gremlin in my soul.
Edit: This has some answers about the question you're asking about. It's a very entertaining movie, one of my personal favorites. You won't be disappointed.
replace all eye drop liquid with pepper spray and every day for a few months, go into their bedroom and paint 1mm thick strip down the very edge of their wall and keep doing it
Drink and leave only 2 sips left in milk/juice,cetc. Eat cream filling of Oreos and replace with tooth paste. Turn all pictures upside down. Unplug all appliances.
LetsDIY ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:11:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal all the wheel chairs from the hospital and replace them with unicycles! Haha! Punking those in pain...
Just talked about this today with my brother when we were painting my living room. Brake in paint their entire house ( while they were on vacation) and maybe just one room in an obscure colour :-) to much work i know but how would you react if your house were nicely painted in original colours, except one room when you returned :-)
Take items from the fridge and put them in the freezer, turn the tv closed captioning on in Spanish then change the settings on the menu itself to Chinese
The classic butter trick. Scoop the butter out of the container and take a dump in the empty container. Now repack the butter on top of it like nothing happened and place that back in the fridge.
Zasma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:16:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip the toilet paper roll so it rolls the the other direction
Take light bulbs out of their lamps every night. Until one week where I don't remove any. Then the next week i replace all energy efficient bulbs with inefficient ones. Once they find out the harm they did the environment they will spiral into sadness.
I remember reading about that on reddit. There was this guy who messed with a person's head by placing random pineapples in their vicinity. Can't really remember anything else.
Rub a bit of acid on to all their hinges so that they squeak.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:18:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into my old house to purposely misplace remotes, unplug cords throughout the house, pee with the seat down, clean the litter box, just random things.
Completely wrap everything in their house with tin foil. Individually wrap every pen, pencil, marker, hell even coins. If it is a tangible three dimensional object in their house wrap it.
Rearrange the fridge and move the coffee table a few inches over the course of a few months.
elguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:21:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the labels off their canned food
reno81 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:21:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap the salt and sugar around. Not every night though. Gotta keep em guessing.
zHellas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:21:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't take anything
Just leave something weird each time.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:21:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
when I was younger, me and my brother went through the school bike sheds and swapped all the combination bike locks..... 25-30 pushbikes and all with combi locks.... (because parents figured that kids couldn't lose the keys....shame they are so easy to open! :) )
I'd Family Manson the place aka 'creepy crawling' | rearrange the furniture and then leave (they stole stuff too) but I'd just like to interior decorate.
In high school me and a few friends had a key to our friends house that he gave me for a party a few weeks before the incident. So our master plan was to Cage his house.
We snuck into his house when he and
Ashis family were out of town and replaced every family photo with printed out pictures of Nicholas Cage.
I left his key on their family room table. We had a good laugh ebout that
Steal their shoelaces. Put their toothbrush in the toilet. Poke tiny holes in their eggs and slowly drain them of yolk.take all their money and replace it with barns and nobles gift cards.
When I was little, my family went on vacation. Someone broke in, took a shit (in the toilet), and didn't flush. We were gone for two weeks. I don't know how long it was sitting there, but it was long enough. The smell will haunt me forever.
Load of teabags in the cereal box. Cereal in the bread bin. Bread in the pots/pans covered, pot (complete with lid) on the sofa. Sofa turned upside down and facing the wrong way. Keep going in this vein. Cutlery and sock drawer contents swapped. For extra points, glue a coffee table, table side up, on the bedroom ceiling.
Wait until they put toilet paper on their groceries list. Mimic the handwriting and from there on put it on their groceries list. Everytime they make a new one. Every. Time. Watch them go insane as their toilet paper cabinet gets filled. Then, watch them go insane when they forget to buy toilet paper because they ignored it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:38:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn on all their water to flood the place. This why we're called the wet bandits. Also, fuck you Kevin.
CHIF406 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:41:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My younger brother once replaced a bunch of our uncle's family photos with pictures of himself in a shark costume with guns and striking gangster poses
I would break in and move things, like keys, TV remotes, game controllers, and anything that people commonly "lose." I would slowly make it more obvious that somebody is moving things, and attempt to slowly drive them insane.
This question reminded me of my friend who stole another friend's spare key to his car. Every day, he would move the car two or three spots over, until the end of the year. The last day of school, he took the car and moved it across the parking lot.
Put all their video games in different cases if they have multiple consoles (ps4 game in xbox one case) because fuck u if u can afford more than one >:/
You know those switches that are next to each other and control different lights? Rewire them occasionally.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:53:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Watch a bunch of weird YouTube videos so they get strange suggested videos. Look at weird Amazon products for the same reason. Change their keyboard layout to Dvorak.
when they leave i would micro wave animal shit and put it in for hours so by the time they get home their house smells like burnt shit. i would get fancy and start collecting all kinds of shit from many different animals so the smell is never the same.
Idk if it's in this thread already because it's so god damn long but in TES:IV Oblivion there was an orc in the thieves guild who liked to break into homes and move things from one container to another.
During my freshman year of college, my friends and I developed this master scheme of how to "steal" like 5 bucks from people we don't like. We would steal their deodorant caps. It was the perfect crime, no one would assume that their missing deodorant cap was actually stolen. They would have to tear apart their room looking for it. Then, once the stick dries out, they have to go and shell out money for a new one.
I know, truly sick right? To be honest, sometimes the guilt keeps me up at night. Please don't tell my mother.
mike920 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:00:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Over the course of a few weeks, marginally move all their furniture by about 2 inches, so they know it feels different, but they can't tell what is wrong.
Squeeze the toothpaste tubes from the middle instead of the end.
Turn the toilet paper around on the dispenser.
If the toilet seat is up, put it down. If it's down, put it up.
Switch all the cutlery around in the cutlery drawer.
Set all clocks so they're 9 minutes slow.
Empty out any cartons of milk, juice etc and put the empty cartons back in the fridge.
Mycoe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:02:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ensure the victim uses Reddit, hide a safe in their home with fuck all in it.
First, I would remove all working light bulbs and replace with burnt out ones. Secondly I would turn all the lights switches over so they are backwards. Thurd, Put a small amount of Vaseline on random door handles. Fourth put paper between the batteries and the connections in the remotes.
Cmaaac ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:03:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kick the front and back door in. Leave everything.
In real life when I go to my good friends homes I steal things like salt shakers and put them out in the open in my house that way they come across them.
Break in while everyone is sleeping and hook them up to IVs that they use on people that are dehydrated. Also if they have a roomba nail it to the floor.
Break into homes you've been to as a guest, knowing what kind of furniture they have beforehand. Getting the exact same kind of furniture. Exchange the furniture and put the new ones where the old ones stood, so that they know it's not their sofa, but it looks exactly the same as their sofa so they aren't sure how that happened. Do this with everything they own that you can find another version of.
There was someone who did this sort of thing in the movie The Following. He would break into people's houses and wouldn't really steal anything; he would just kinda move things around, drink a bit of wine, or whatever. He wanted to make people feel unsure and uneasy without actually taking physical things from them.
move everything they own 1 inch so that you just feel weird. source roommate in college did this to me everything just feels off and you dont know why ohh and on my desk he flipped everything to the other side of the table except for the mouse
Freshmen year of college during a break my friends plastered my side of the dorm room with stikie notes. Four years later I will occasionally find a post it note in a book of dvd case.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:12:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A little brush of ink on random every day things. One at a time, not a ton of stuff at once. The TV remote, underneath the soap, computer mouse, under the arms of a wooden chair, car door handle, the inner lip of the fridge door, telescope eye piece (classic).
My goal would be to get it to the point that they just stop washing their hands, and except that they have a ghost octopus.
Actually kinda did this once with my brother and cousin (cousin 1). We wanted to go kayaking and my cousin's brother (cousin 2) had one at his house. So we drive over to cousin 2's house who is unknowing we're going to his house. It was not. So cousin 1 get into the house through the window if I remember right. Then when we get in the house we realize the kayak isn't in the house. So instead of calling cousin 2 like normal people we decide to fuck with him.
So we rearranged his funiture (putting chairs to face corners so you'd have to move them to use them, overturned ottomans) we did his dishes that were in the sink, took out his compost, moved his bike into his bedroom etc. And then we leave. Now it's around 5/6ish PM and cousin 1 gets a phonecall. It's cousin 2. Puts cousin 2 on speaker phone.
Cousin 1: hey bro whats up.
Cousin 2: Dude someone broke into my house
Cousin 1: Oh damn man what did they take
Cousin 2: They didnt take anything, they just moved all my furniture, and they did my dishes
[all of us start giggling]
Cousin 2: did you do this?
Cousin 1: what? no
Cousin 2: yes you did admit it
Then it went on like that for a little and then we admitted to it and we all had a laugh.
TL;DR - we wanted to go kayaking, went to cousin 2's house to get kayak, cousin 1 (with me and my bro) get in to house and then rearrange furniture and do cousin 2's dishes, get call later from cousin 2 about weird burglers
kman418 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:14:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch all the TV remotes around so they don't work with the tv's correctly
Take off shower heads, empty an entire container of high concentrated gel food coloring, the kind that's super pigmented, stains absolutely everything and takes forever to come out. Screw nossels back on, wish them a good fucking shower. Liquid capsaicin in their tooth paste, mouthwash, eyedrops, and jock itch cream. Add vinegar to milk, half-half in fridge so it's completely curdled. Hide all the toilet paper except for one square hanging on the roll. Turn radio to max volume in car on the most metal station I can find, also buy frozen mice from pet store and hide under spare tire under flap in back of car. Carefully snip cactus quills, dump into slippers or underwear drawer.
I would find the biggest parking lot around during the busiest time of day, and I would steal cars and move them all around to different spots in the parking lot.
"I realized as soon as I kicked in the door, I didn't want to do a B and E. I just wanted to kick a door in, so I walked in and kicked the closet door down too. Then ran away" -D. Cook
Seriously no Dane cook quotes in here?
ZeLoTat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:32:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Technically you would need intent to steal to be a burglar, other than that you would just be a troll via horseplay and minor offenses
Turn on the TV. Turn the volume all the way up. Turn the TV off.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:35:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was on vacation in Florida. Got a call of a break in at my house in MA. They broke a window to get in, drank two budweisers, looked like they used our exercise equipment, slept in my bed, and never stole anything.
Open all the drawers and closets and dressers toss everything on the floor, and move a few key items to different places. They'll be wondering what i stole.
That or be nice and silent about it, cut power lines from inside the house and out. As well as steal their Direct TV box, and CenturyLink router, cause we all know how their customer support is.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:39:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If they have a crucifix, turn it upside down. If they don't have one, install one normally. Return randomly, with more crosses if necessary and rotate/install as needed.
Allokit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:39:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
put dead batteries in all of their remote controls. and also. put locks on doors that didn't have locks, and lock them.
Reset their cable boxes and activate that stupid zoom mode that people only seem to find accidentally at 9pm on a Saturday night or right before a major sports event. The howls, the howls!
mozoza ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:43:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put the liquid form of capsaicin on there door handles. Or do a remodel in there house if you have time. Such as blocking off a halfway with a new wall. It would only take a few hours to do once you had the paint color of course.
Xitulis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:43:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A lot of these people have really complicated plans, but I think it could be as simple as moving things around slightly, but making it noticeable, and doing it almost, if not everyday. For example, moving a chair a little bit away from the wall, so in a few days, it's in the middle of the floor. Or if they notice and fix it early, move it EVEN MORE the next time, just to get em ;)
Honest truth, me and my friend used to do this when we were younger. Not with people's homes but things like schools and public buildings. One time we stole the gym teachers key and got a copy cut during our lunch hour. Then we started going into the school at night and stacking all the tables and chairs in a classroom or changing all the clocks making weird smudges and freaking drawings on the board. The school obviously figured out some one was breaking in but all the kids were convinced the school was haunted haha.
Well what I do is I take all their possessions lying around, and put them into drawers and baskets in their house. When they wake up or get home, they think they've been robbed, but they haven't! HAHAHAHAHA
Just go into somebody's house when they aren't there of course and place random things on the counter. A cactus, jack in the box, Christmas ornaments etc..
I go into the backs of toilets and make the plug to the toilets not block the water entirely so it drains continuously. In addition, I might remove the glass on any picture frames hanging up.
Go in and take a poop in their toilet. Do not flush, use the entire roll of toilet paper, but throw them in a separate bag, and remove the bag when you're done. Just a ghost poop with no remnants left behind.
I would steal one leg each from every piece of furniture. Every table, chair, couch, stand, stool, etc. would all become unbalanced.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:56:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Back in the 60s, this was an actual thing. they called it the "creepy crawl" - you'd break into a home, and do stuff to let the owners know you were in there, so they would freak out. Stuff like rearrange the furniture, swap pictures around, etc. maybe break some stuff. But usually not actually steal anything.
Well, funny as in "Oh my God, you found a shit in your sink? Haha, that's unlucky".
The homeowners would be confused and terrified by the time the thinly pasted trail of diarrhea on the inside rim of the fridge door handle was discovered.
I was drunk one time and decided it would be fun to turn around bicycle seats and unhoom the chains from the gears. Then a bunch of cops showed up and took me in to question me if i was trying to steal the bicycles.
Well, I didn't break into a house to do this but, my friend had neighbors on opposite ends of her street who both happened to have garden gnomes. Neighbor A had a collection of very large garden gnomes and neighbor Z had small garden gnomes. I spent every Saturday night swapping the large for small and small for large. For nearly 6 months, and never got taught. The last time I did a mix and match and added another neighbor's Jesus statue to yard A. Good times.
In high school I would go 2 house parties, find what ever fruit they had in the house, and then hide it around the house. This turned into quite a problem as I was able to pull off 25 or so heists.
steal most of their forks, replace with spoons
a month later, steal all my spoons back and replace with butter knives.
and then sometime later replace all of their sliverware with inch thick, 9 inch long steal cable.
put all their socks under their bed with a bunch of wood chips, feathers,and egg shells.
Put a terrarium somewhere in their house with a few easy to keep snakes and put a few dead frozen mice in their freezer, with a note that states how to care for them and their names.
if they have a computer, upgrade it with the latest parts you can get, then 3 months later upgrade it to something worse then what they had. If and when they call someone to fix it, put all of their old hardware back in.
if they have name brand soda, replace it all with generic shit without the label
kool-aid in the shower head. replace every week for months, then take the shower head, a few days after they get a new one replace it with their new one. put their "new" one in a bucket of kool aid and put it somewhere in their kitchen.
print out some arguments from some random forums, frame them and put them on a wall with a plack that reads "arguments won"
replace their clothes with cargo shorts and flame print button up shirts and put DVD of any show hosted by guy fury around their house, in weird spots. also watching all said shows on netflix
place bags for everybody in the house that has grappling hooks, flares, rations for a week, water, a knife, ect ect wherever they keep their bags/coats.
make them jello and pudding but with black food coloring
steal peoples phones and put them in other peoples houses.
mannequins all around their bed, a week later have them all around their computer with beanies watching youtube poops. A week later have they all in the kitchen with food for the whole day prepared. Another week later, have them in their yard standing in a circle looking away from each other with a dead animal in the middle(road kill)
nail some shoes to the floor, but not theirs.
make a fake stone walls and add it to their front door, windows ect ect
lord i could go on and on...
every week doing different things, both helpful and creepy.
At a house party back in the 80s we peeled all the labels of the cans in the pantry. Dudes mom was super PISSED. Didn't know if she was opening dog food or corn.
Abduct their child, but change all their pictures to have the child missing and hide all evidence that they ever had the child, that way they will always be wondering if the child was real or a figment of their imagination.
Rewire the light switches in their house over time. The light switch in the kitchen turns on the light in the bathroom, the bedroom switch turns on the dining room lights and so on.
If the salt and pepper shakers are marked then switch the contents
Edit - Changing my answer.... if they look like they run them down equally (add both salt and pepper) then mixing the salt and the pepper in both containers so they are 50/50 in each.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:11:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would remove all the labels off canned goods.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:11:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I saw on here once a guy said pick someone you work with, and steal all of their spoons. Then, send then work emails with the word "spoon" in your signature in white lettering so they can't see it.
Google would apparently pick up on it and display ads for spoons, just to taunt them.
I listen in on their conversations and look for notes left that express a need for something from the store. I then take as much money as the item would cost, buy it and put it on their kitchen counters. I then would watch the looks on their faces when they thank each other for going out to get the thing.
If the action has to be theft-like, and we're talking the suburbs, I'd take all the shoelaces. Of course, this wouldn't work with elderly victims or women who wear a lot of high heels.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:13:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap out their ketchup and mustard with a mustard bottle full of ketchup and a ketchup bottle full of mustard.
So one time I was at a convention and heard a lovely true story by one of the Voice Actors there (she did this to J. Michael Tatum).
She and her brother went over to Tatum's house expecting him to be there, but he had apparently gone out for the afternoon. Okay, they thought, we'll come back later.
But wait! A window was unlocked. So they opened it and went inside. Once inside, they decided to rearrange the furniture and then have a sticky-note saying 'thanks for the good time, had a blast' and placed it in an easy-to-see spot. They then went to the store and bought Tatum's favorite brand+flavor of ice cream, wrote "I <3 Tatum" all over it, and placed it in his freezer.
Apparently when Tatum got back, he freaked out, and I think he called the cops.
I would give them an Dairy queen cake, a fake puppy and a card saying, "Happy birthday, love Jerry." , then I would steal all the chocolate , just to give Jerry a bad name.
My aunt used to be legitimately schizophrenic style crazy. She functions now and hasn't hallucinated in over a decade, but is still a little wired. She smokes in bed and falls asleep smoking all the time, but refuses to admit she dropped a cigarette on her bed before. So she has these paranoid delusions that robbers snuck into her house and didn't take anything that she noticed that was expensive like her computer, but smokedon her bed and moved her doors more open or closed. She also claims that one of her friends tried to give her a cyanide tablet and she slipped it in her pocked without taking it and it burned her leg. But also she's still friends with that person despite claiming they tried to kill her.
Late to the party, but I think some asshole burglar got to me last night. Sitting there watching OITNB this morning, I look to my clock to see when the episode will be over only to notice it is WAY later than I expected; exactly 6.5 hours later than expected. It seems as though someone turned my wall clock upside-down in the middle of the night. Nothing seems to be missing or misplaced, just the clock thing. I live with only my fiancee and I feel confident that she didn't do this. So fucking weird.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:19:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ckat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:21:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Something I actually do to mess with my friends roommates is move all their stuff in the kitchen over by an inch
laxintx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:22:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange the living room. Flip all the toilet paper so it rolls inward. Adjust digital clocks from AM to PM. Tie all the shoelaces. Leave one, lonely, random beer in the fridge.
sfu1129 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:22:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move every small item (not larger cause may be difficult) to the complete opposite side of the house and take all the left shoe.
One day when I was growing up I learned what a search engine was and how to use it, so I then searched for the SAME GODDAMNED SUBJECT LESS THAN SIX MONTHS OLD and found what I was looking for. Apparently this actually annoys people who don't know what "Next Page" means or how to type words into a window that finds things.
I've been ostracized and abused in public and private for this knowledge but I've found that knowing facts and swooping in to ruin their ignorance parties on the internet is great fun.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:27:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move every piece of furniture about 5 inches to the left. That way, they know something is different but will can put their finger on it.
ssovm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:28:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So this happened to our family before.
Start up some soup in a pressure cooker but don't let the steam out. It will explode and boiling soup will be all over the kitchen and there will also be damage from the pressure cooker exploding. Bonus points if you use some really thick soup like broccoli cheddar.
Start putting Nome's in random lacations around some ones garden, just a couple to begin with over a couple weeks moving the ones that are already there each time as well, then one night competely fill their house with them.
Replace half the shampoo with water. Do the same with the toothpaste. Super glue the batteries into the remotes so when they run out they cannot get the batteries out.
Move all the toilet paper and tissues from their bathroom except for a tiny bit that is not enough to wipe with. Then they have to do the awkward pants around the ankles walk around their house looking for something to wipe with.
one played a prank on my two younger brothers when they were out i switched all their clothes into the other one's cupboard. Swapped their duvets and pillows but not the bedsheets, so when they got into bed something would be slightly off but not visually different. Basicaally just tried to flip the entire room around but keep it looking almost exactly the same.
So yeah i'd do that
frogspa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:38:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap items like for like in all the houses in your street.
Watch and enjoy as neighbourly relationships start to disintegrate.
oRobby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:38:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This actually happened to my best friend's brother. He kept leaving his apartment without locking the door. One day my best friend, another friend, and myself decided to teach him a lesson. We went to his apartment right after he left. We rearranged his furniture so it was exactly opposite from the norm. On the way out my friend took a single bite out of his snickers bar he had in the fridge. He was baffled. We waited about a month before we told him.
Rearrange anything that was organized. Books go on different shelves, cds and dvds get placed in the wrong cases, if there's an unlocked computer, files end up in hidden folders.
I would scatter various flower seeds through their lawn and garden and water them and tend them over several weeks so they establish.
Ncderp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:40:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For your guy friends with long-time girlfriends....go into Jared or similar and get an engagement ring booklet...leave it somewhere she would find it. I know this isn't quite burglary because you know them...but whatever.
Bring a ruler, move everything I can about 2-3 inches to the right while they're out at dinner. Move it back the next month. Repeat.
Turn the lights on at night when they've turned them off to go to bed.
Start stealing underwear and socks, gradually replacing them with newly-bought garments until they get confused.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:41:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:44:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Buy 100 of the same exact doll, have it standing and looking at the door so when they come home they open the door to this doll, do this a few times a month so they think it keeps coming back
place "the ring" movie tape in the TV's tape player and program it so that the owner can't change channels.
fuck now I'm scared to go to the toilet
OP y u remind me dis?
As a kid, my friends and I thought it would be funny to swap the entire patio furniture sets/arrangements of two neighbors who shared a backyard in the middle of the night. I still wish I had the chance to see the next day reactions and extreme confusion.
My old roommate and I used to actually do something like this at our old apartment complex.
After an empty unit was fixed up and right before someone moved in, we would pick the lock, sneak in, and "borrow" all the closet rods. The apartment maintenance crew was probably more confused by this than the new residents, though, especially after we left our large stockpile of 2in wooden dowels for the crew to discover after we moved out.
Remove small very expensive items and hide them in other parts of the person's home, yet leave obvious signs of a break-in. So that later on when they finally find them they get accused of trying to defraud the insurance company
Move every single object slightly over a few millimeters to the left over a period of time. That way, they can't see the difference, but will be constantly bumping into things.
Last night a friend and I were cruising through our neighbourhood when we drove past a familiar house in a suburb we haven't been to in a while.
Trying our best to remember, we finally discovered that is was one of the houses we would cut a few centimetres off a lawn hose every few nights for weeks. :)
I sneak into the house by the cover of dark. Nitrile gloves and a ski mask to remain anonymous. One unlocked window is all I need. It's a tight squeeze but I manage to get in the downstairs bath window. I then remove my pants and drop one log size dookie and don't flush. Quickly I sneak away into the night. Taking joy in the turmoil created in the morning and the family turns on each other pointing the finger of blame at one another. Resulting in more than one breakfast going cold....
Hurion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:55:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Me and my homies when we're 15-16 would break into what we had thought was an abandoned house. We truly thought it was foreclosed and inhabited by transients. Every so often we would break in and trash the place (break furniture, Windows, just generally just fuck shit up). We would find beer in the fridge and drink them and break the bottles. We never thought much of the electricity being on we just thought it was a mistake by the city. One day we were getting drunk and decided to go fuck up the bum palace again. We snuck over there and to our surprise we see a family inside having dinner cleaning up the mess from the last destroy the bum palace mission. So as it turns out we would unknowingly destroy a really dirty scummy messy ass family's house once a week. Looking back I feel bad about it but what I wouldn't do to see the horror on their face once a week when they came home to an even more destroyed house
" FUCK!!!! honey they did it again"
"Omg what happened"
"They broke in again!!"
"Oh god did they take anything"
"No they just broke all our plastic lawn chairs and drank my pbr again!!"
vsheran ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:58:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the batteries out of the TV remote.
wawnton ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:58:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dump out the expensive liquors and replace them with cheap stuff. Then spy on them and see if they notice.
I'd turn all of their tv's onto a channel showing static then stack their kitchen chairs onto the table to make it look like the scene from Poltergeist.
First do a little stalking, find out their birthday on social media and find a recent picture of them, then the night before their birthday leave a cake in their kitchen with the picture on it saying happy birthday from your secret admirer.
Drop an upper decker in each toilet. The gift that keeps on giving.
Then I'd clean all their dishes and vacuum. Last thing I'd do is look through their fridge and freezer and leave a note regarding any expired or close to expired food. I'm not a fucking savage ya know.
We used to turn people's license plates upside down.. Its not burglary but it's funny as hell
jaxxon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:08:19 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A family friend went around to hotels and banks wearing white overalls and had a clipboard and a van and had the people working there hold the door and help him move the furniture out of the lobbies to his van. He even did one place twice!
sh2003 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:08:48 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I would open all their chips and crackers and not seal them, so the next time they wanted some they'd find a bunch of stale food. Best case scenario is it would attract bugs. Then they'd argue with each other about who didn't close the chips. The next time I'd leave the chips alone and take all the lids off the ice cream making it freezer burnt so it would look like the chip opener was getting revenge on whomever ate the ice cream. /popcorn.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:09:38 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lift the toilet seats, hide one of each of their socks, set the tv volume to a max volume and have it set to spice TV, and create a carbon monoxide leak to let them do the rest of my job for me. Also rearrange the fridge.
Loosen all the screws holding their kitchen cabinet doors on to the point that the door comes off in their hands with one good pull.
Aslonz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:20:29 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shorten the length and height of one step in their house.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:20:58 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My boyfriend: "Shit on the upper part of the toilet. It's called a double decker."
Duke170 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:21:10 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rewire the light switches so 'on' is 'off' and 'off' is 'on'. Then proceed to install a hidden speaker that will play the church like "Hallelujah" every time the lights turn on.
arb1987 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:21:14 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plastic wrap over the toilet so when they go to pee it goes all over
Replace their slippers with ones two sizes smaller, change out the light bulbs in the lamps to lower watts, put a pin in the cord of lamp so it electrocutes them when they switch it on. Change their speed dial on their home phone to a psychiatric hotline.
Keep moving stuff on carpets if you don't get this most stuff leaves indents on carpets if it's been there for a while, slowly make someone go mad or think their house is haunted.
Open every drawer and cupboard door in the house. Dont take anything from them and if necessary, clean up just to prove you didn't take anything. Just open everything that is openable.
I'd leave envelopes filled with business cards with weird sites on them like shipyourenimiesglitter.com or shipadick.com. Then about two or three months later send them a gift from one of those websites.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:36:24 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dane Cook (awful, I know) had the best response to this.
Nothing.
Break down the door and just leave. It will bug them for years while they try to figure out what you stole.
Rotate light switches so up is off. Move silverware to another drawer. Twist bulb in fridge out a turn. Place saran wrap on toilet bowl, so nothing goes in.
Wtf
There's a great german movie about something like this called "The Edukators". They break into rich people's houses and rearrange their furniture and decorations and normally leave a message, either "You have too much money" or "Your days of plenty are numbered". It's worth a watch imo.
A friend and I used to walk around the local college area after we'd leave our local watering hole. Some nights we'd find parties to crash, but most of the time we'd just sober up and drive home in time to beat the sun. One night we're down a particularly quiet street, discussing life, and he says
"So I have this theory that no one in this town locks their door. Want to test it out?" (all dialogue is paraphrased)
and then walks into someone's living room. The front door was unlocked and all of the lights were off, so he just walked right in. I followed in after him and we walked around the downstairs quietly. We didn't open any doors, aside from the front, and we never touched anything. We just slowly strolled around and observed our surroundings in silence. The entire ordeal lasted less than five minutes, and we never saw anyone.
The feeling of violating someone's privacy was definitely there the whole time, but so was a sense of wonder. I saw all of these mundane items and imagined the people who were connected to them, all of the things they had done with them, and how they got them. I imagined what the people looked like, where they were now, and what they were doing. Everything had this sense of reverence that wasn't there before.
The longer I stayed in this stranger's house the more I wanted to defend them from me. I wanted them to know that we were the same, and to invite them over to my place to look through my shit, because suddenly that's all it was; shit. Though it may give a clue to who I am, it doesn't define me. Without me, my stuff has no meaning and that made all things have less meaning.
As we were leaving he noticed how distraught I seemed and asked,
"What's wrong? Don't enjoy the shoes of others?"
"It's just... I value privacy."
"Maybe you shouldn't."
"I'm sorry?"
"Privacy perpetuates the illusion that we're somehow separate from one another. Did that experience make you feel further away from the people who lived there? What could privacy give that intimacy couldn't?"
I'd leave motivational quotes from letters cut out of magazines. At first sight, "Oh no, honey, a ransom note!!". And to their dismay, my intentions were a force for good. I'd make a sandwich with a side of chips. However, I'd leave a very noticeable amount of crumbs on the counter and couch.
Turn all their clean clothes inside-out, throw away all the caps from their detergent bottles, hide all the pens and pencils on the tops of doorframes, switch all the A/V connectors around, put empty candy wrappers inside their pillowcases, put a small blob of mustard on every countertop, and leave post-its with reminders for things they don't actually need to do.
Replace half of the light bulbs in their house with really, really old ones that hum and buzz, and switch them around every night so a different light source is making noise each time they check.
Move all the furniture a few inches to the left. Rearrange the silverware drawer and any filing cabinets. Switch the cookware and China cabinets. Shortsheet the beds. Remove one thing from each of the bedside tables and put it somewhere else that's just confusing (reading glasses in the shower, book in the fridge, etc). Rearrange bookshelves and DVD cases. Cook a full dinner with dessert and leave it on the counter, while having set the table.
Leave a bucket of mashed potatoes in the freezer. They'll think it's ice cream. Also, put googly eyes on everything in their fridge. And cover every surface in their house with garden gnomes and elf on the shelf. Position them so that all eyes are on them.
Move all of the furniture by two inches. May have to vacuum the carpet to blend the impressions from where it once sat. It will take a good week or two to stop bumping into coffee table and such.
Night 1 - Take one of those handheld photo-to-SD scanners, scan all of their framed pictures
Day 2 - Photoshop the same random guy somewhere in the background of each picture
Night 2 onwards - Return each night and replace one photo with the Photoshop equivalent.
Return home in the knowledge that one day someone is going to notice that no matter where they went on holiday that one same dude was in every place at every time and freak the fuck out.
Oh and if it is a particular bad or mean person (bc I would do that to good people, of course): place a chicken leg in a jar of milk with a splash of lemon juice. Do not cover jar. Remove AC intake vent. Remove AC filter. Place jar on steady surface, out of sight if possible. Replace filter. Replace vent. Never.ever return to this house.
When the milk sours, it'll kinda stink. When that soured milk rots the chicken, it'll be putrid. That stink is going to blow through the entire house every time the air turns on.
Same can be done using a big container of urine, a whole raw chicken, an animal carcass (umm road kill skunk??), old food, dirty diaper, you get point...
Take their tub of margarine, microwave it so it's liquid and pinch a loaf into the container then put it back in the fridge so everything solidifies around the poo.
They wouldn't find it for a while. Not until they spread enough of it onto their toast until it's exposed.
Leave a piece of paper with a date and time written on it on the kitchen table. Any date a year or two in the future or in the past can work. Set one bullet on top of it with a few random things, like a jalepeno, 1 saltine cracker or a child's toy and hair clippings from their hairbrush. They'll not know what to think and it will drive them bonkers.
Edit home movies to contain a demon in the backround. Hide a dybok box behind the stairs. Burn bizarre symbols behind pictures and under area rugs. Make a device that randomly knocks on ceiling from the attic.
Key_kay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:16:49 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would cook something randomly. Especially things that have allergens that people of the household cannot eat. (Don't know how you'd figure that out.
"Who made this pot pie? You kids know I can't have wheat, I'm allergic to it! And this smells like beef! For god's sake you brats, we're vegetarian!"
I've actually done this before, but I had permission:
I took every chair, music stand, percussion instrument, and piece of junk in the band room and moved it to the same position 180 degrees around the center of the room. I work at the high school and am good friends with the band director so I had access to the room at night. The next day was April Fool's day and the band director was on a business trip, so the substitute had no idea the room was backward, but all the students found it outrageously funny. I think it was worth rearranging the room twice in a week.
So I would rotate as many rooms as I could. If the TV isn't mounted to the wall, living room; if the dining room isn't connected to the kitchen, dining room. The kitchen is tricky, but if you can safely disconnect the oven, you're set. The trouble is that you usually have to make noise, so it works best of they're out of town, not just sleeping
One time we went into the neighbor's house, a friend of ours, and unplugged all of his electronics and slightly unscrewed all of the light bulbs. He thought his power was out, I think the power company sent someone out and figured it out hours later
trg1408 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:25:46 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Add rose pedals leading to a bedroom, have the lights turned off from the breaker box and shitty smelling lit candles all around the house, add sticky note's on most of the candles. 1. Says "Take shirt off" 2. Says "Take Shorts/Pants off" 3. Says "Get Naked for me" 4. Says "Find me" 5. Says "I'm hiding" 6. Says "You know where I'm at" 7. Says "You are close" and 8. Says "I'm not home", no matter which sticky note they read it will make sense. On the bedroom door the rose pedals lead to have a written note that says "Let's play a game, I have sticky note's all around left on different candles and a key hidden in one of the candles, find the key to unlock the door and be ready for the next step.". In the bedroom have a pig carcass wrapped and sealed laying on the bed with a sticky note that says "This is a gift for you! Lay next to it and wait for me.". I'd imagine rather this all goes to plan or not it would leave the person confused and sickened.
Anytime a family gets takeout, or brings home leftovers from any random restaurant, I would break in and take what they brought home, but leave them a full, uneaten meal from a different place.
fe360 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:29:13 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
-Salt in the sugar dispenser
-Throw out all the dry cereal and replace it with cat food
Relevant story: When I was in college my roommates and I couldn't afford cable TV. One weekend there was a motorcycle race on TV that we reached to watch so we drove over to our friends' house, the problem was, they were all out of town. So we "broke" in to watch the race and as thanks we did all the dishes and cleaned the house. It was amazing watching the roommates argue about who cleaned up until we told them a couple of months later
I know this is a little late, but Herta Mรผller, a Romanian-born German novelist was often harassed by the communist securitate secret police. I remember reading somewhere they had keys to her apartment and while she was away they moved a chair to the other side of the room. This may sound somewhat odd or even benign, but knowing for certain the secret government police of a fucked up communist regime is after you is not to be taken lightly.
-Go through all their clothes and have a seamstress put the buttons on the other side and the holes on the other.
-replace their belts so the notches are in random spots
-loosen all the spice shakers
-cut their shoelaces down the middle just enough so when they pull them tight they tear/break
-steal all the left socks
-shrink all of their underwear
-leave pictures of dickbutt hidden everywhere-- like glow in the dark paint on ceilings or corners
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:04:07 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove all the toilet paper from the house, but leave the empty roll on the rollers.
Pour out milk or juice cartons so there is only a sip left, and return cartons to refrigerator.
Replace android chargers with iPhone, or vice versa.
Change the ringtone of every cellphone in the family to a ringtone that someone else in the family has.
Put all the dvd's in the house into wrong cases.
Refill their juice/milk cartons with a somewhat opposite liquid. Fx. if it was apple juice then refill it with orange juice, if it was milk then refill it with water.
Put a soap bar into the shower head so that the person taking the shower can't fully rinse out the soap.
Leave a glass full of cinnamon on everyone's nightstand, every single night.
Step 1. Buy a shit load of furbies or other suitably creepy looking toy.
Step 2. place them all around the house. On top of the tv, in the medicine cabinet, under the sink, on the shower head if you can manage that and hide them especially well in the bedrooms.
make sure that they are all on and have full batteries. bonus points if the toys you use are motion activated and will start speaking as soon as the victim enters the room.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:11:42 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all their furniture around 18o degrees....did this once to a friend's dorm room in college in less than 3 minutes....the look on his face was priceless when he walked into his room to find everything exactly in its place, but switched around, bed made upside down and all. He was amazed (and so were we to be honest) that we got it done in such a short amount of time.
I used to move everything back to the 'correct' place when I was a child within a few millimeters. It drove my grandparents crazy enough so I'd probably do the same thing now.
Shift all the stuff on every flat surface (mantles, bookshelves, counters, etc) one space to the left, and move the thing on the far left one space to the right. Repeat as desired.
I saw something somewhere where a kid who was home alone for the weekend moved all the furniture in the house five inches to the left. His parents knew something was off but couldn't pinpoint it, and kept hitting their hips on the corners of things
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:34:12 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change their ringtones
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:34:28 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sneak in every day for several weeks while no one is home and turn the TP so it is facing the wrong way. I actually did this to a friend of mine and he thought he was going crazy.
MrBDL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:34:28 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
find items that use batteries like tv remotes and switch one of the batteries out with a dead one
Run the water for as long as possible to make the bill increase drastically. They'd go crazy trying to figure out why their water bill all of a sudden shot up when they hadn't used any more water than usual.
Honestly, if I could get away with it, I'd hide in the closet until the middle of the night. Bust out in some outrageous costume - think 'Barney-sized' and of any cartoon character you can imagine. Bounce around in the room. Maybe go in for a hug. Somehow get away.
Shift all of their DVD/Blu-ray/games one case over on the shelf.
zmajcek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:42:22 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not exactly what you asked, but there is a German film with similar plot from about 10years ago 'The Edukators' - highly recommended. Group of young people get into rich people's homes, make mess and leave the note 'your time is over'...
Switch around all the silverware and dishware at random intervals. Replace eggs with golf balls, bread with wood slices, and milk with watery conditioner.
I'd flip the left shoe with the right in their closets, remove all the tooth paste caps and throw them away forever. Hide the salt shaker, and hide the remote control, if I had the time I'd have it set into jello.
Every keyhole has a button placed in the back. When it has a key placed inside of it and presses the button, it creates a scream inside the house in a random location.
Wifi goes out every fifteen minutes when something good happens in a video game.
Dgnslyr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:50:20 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Frequently go into the house and replace all of the good batteries with dead ones.
Make a board the same color as their stairs if they have hardwood. Then put the board on one random stair so its slightly taller then the rest. Trips people up every time.
Came up with an idea a while ago that I call Kitten-Given. You break into a home in the middle of the night, make it obvious to wake up tenants, and leave a kitten before bolting. I'd like to believe 9/10 of those kittens will have a new forever home despite the circumstances.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:57:37 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Burn down their house. That'll confuse the fuck out of them.
I would eat their food and leave a ridiculously small amount. Like a sip of chocolate milk or just the end piece of the bread. The blaming would slowly tear the family apart
Unplug the refrigerator, hide tooth brushes in kitchen drawers, disconnect network routers and flip tv remote batteries so that + ends of battery lineup with - connectors.
Steal the batteries out of the remote, leave the freezer door open, put the toilet seat up, switch the salt and the sugar, replace all vodka with water, swap the hot and cold handles in the shower, swap the conditioner and hand cream and turn off the router.
I do this to my friends - change the background on rarely used devices to something silly.
I can never manage to poker face when they mention it months later :p
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:16:36 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You switch the hot and cold water hoses/pipes under every sink and behind every tub/shower.
Change which drawers hold the underwear, socks, and undershirts.
Always take the milk.
Zam548 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:19:56 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide devices all over the house that are set to play music at random intervals. The songs have to be the really awful catchy ones that you can never get out of you head; like Mambo #5 and the Pina Colada Song
I actually did this to my wife (then girlfriend) and her room mates.
A little less than a year before we were married, my wife was going on a little girls weekend with her two room mates. Me and three of my best, most mischievous friends, sat around wondering what we were going to do on Saturday night. One of my friends had the idea to prank someone by breaking into their house and messing with them. It was nearly Christmas, so we thought that we would do something involving candy canes. We went to the local grocery store and bought a couple thousand mini candy canes, and a couple hundred large candy canes.
My wife lived on the second floor in her apartment complex, and they never locked the sliding door going out to the deck. I lifted one of my friends up (he stood on my hands) and then was able to pull himself up onto the deck. He just went to the front door and let the rest of us in.
We proceeded to hide candy canes ALL OVER the apartment. We hid them under the rugs, in the couch, in the cereal boxes, under the mattresses, in the toilet, and even in the light fixtures. To top it off, I cut out a big candy cane shape and taped it inside of their lamp shades so when they turned the lamps on a big candy cane negative would be projected onto the wall. When we were done, my friend locked the door and climbed down from their balcony.
When they got home, they didn't notice anything at first, but within an hour or so I got a phone call asking if I knew anything about "some candy canes". I played dumb and said I would be right over. As I hung out at their house, I got to watch them stumble across more and more candy canes as they unpacked their things.
Years later, after my wife and I were married, she would get calls from her room mates saying that they discovered a candy cane hidden in some box or shoe that they hadn't opened in a while. This little prank has literally provided years of laughter for us.
TL;DR: My friends and I pranked my wife and her room makes with thousands of candy canes.
About a week ago, I was doing some washing. I went to the laundry to put my damp washing into the dryer machine, however it was already in the dryer and the washing machine has been emptied.
I live with two others. One was away for the entire weekend, the other, my brother. It was unusual for one of us to finish the other's washing (unless we needed to empty a machine for our own use, which didn't appear to be the case here) so I went and found him and said thank you. He was super confused, so I carried on to spell out why I was thanking him... we both became really confused, as neither claim that we did the task.
In fact, we 'argued' and retraced our steps to both prove that we hadn't been into the laundry and could not have done it! The laundry has a sliding door. I concluded that a burglar did a good deed. Also the TV was gone (probably unrelated). OK the TV wasn't gone, but it would have taken some confusion out of the situation.
TL;TR: Suspect a burglar put my damp washing into the dryer.
My brothers fucked with another brother of mine for months by making a duplicate car key. While he was at work they'd move is car like a row over in the parking lot for like a month or something. These kinds of shenanigans can make you legit super paranoid.
I would hide their comal so that they have to shamefully heat their tortillas in the microwave like a peasant.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:29:16 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would hide all their most valuable things and other stuff in places that they're least likely to be found so it looks like it was stolen. They'll report it as if it was a robbery only to find the "stolen" possessions days, weeks, months or years later.
Steal and periodically return the remote. Watch as the trust disappears and the family crumbles.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:32:38 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I actually used to do this as a teenager. I would try random cars in a parking lot, if you didn't lock yours I'd steal a pen, mirror hang thing, anything junky, just so they'd be like I know that pen was here why would someone steal that??
Put the toilet paper on in the opposite direction. Turn off the water heater. File legs of various chairs or other furniture. Unplug lights or turn all the lights on... can't decide.
Or, take an item that was thrown out and keep putting it back into the house in different places after its been thrown away again and again.
Give them a cat. Complete with all the supplies needed. Before all that, you photoshop the cat into pictures of them on social media.
Make it seem like that cat has been there for years.
Steal their dog if they have one, put a name tag on the cat that says their dog's name. Cats don't come when called, so it'll work.
Convince/pay a neighbor to say "Nothing was stolen, but your window was broken? That's odd. Thank god your cat is okay and didn't get out and go missing."
Move things a centimeter or two in either direction from there original position, open drawers and closets just hair so they're noticed but noticed, adjust wall hanging objects to just barely off of level.
Cover their kitchen floor in upside-down cups and mugs. Some filled with water, some empty, a few with large insects or spiders.
Ar_Ciel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:36:52 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Start hanging a single mask in a new place once a week. Different mask every time. End with a Pennywise mask on the ceiling over the master bedroom bed as they sleep. Wakey wakey!
Put their keys in the refrigerator. Switch their shoes so the right one is on the left and the left one is on the right. Turn all the jars on their shelves so the labels are facing inside. Empty their ketchup and mustard bottles down the drain, then put them back in the refrigerator. Squeeze out half the toothpaste tube, then carefully inflate it with air so it looks full. Use their toothbrushes to clean out the crud between my toes. Drip some cold water on the seat of the toilet.
Make myself at home without asking for things when I use them. My friend, Brandon, basically did this when he became homeless and I let him crash on my building's roof because letting him crash in my living room wasn't an option. Every time he was in my place for any reason, he'd constantly use things and make himself at home without so much as asking or thanking me once. My other friend, Doug, was also crashing up there, and was far more gracious.
Replace the water in their coffee maker with vinegar. Turn off electricity or gas to the water heater. Prefill every bag of cereal with milk. Put every pair of underwear they own in the freezer. Set the alarm clock to go off an hour later. When they wake up, they'll be WIDE awake.
Apparently someone is already doing this in my house. Everything in my house keeps coming unscrewed: the mailbox, oven handle, vacuum handle, etc. It's not even just a little bit over time, it's completely unscrewed to the point of it falling apart. I've already checked with my roommates and they're not behind it. I become more and more confused with every new unscrewed item I find. If this is you, please stop.
Not really a burglar thing, but a neighbor who lives 30 meters away from our house kept on parking her car on our front door parking spaces, she knew my stepfather has a bad leg but kept on parking on the space at the front door, every day i went to school, i adjusted her side mirror on the passenger seat, seeing her freak out every day trying to adjust it was worth it not parking there.
When I lived in South Africa, there was a guy who use to break into peoples houses when they were on holiday and decorate a room. He did a really good job as well.
You do know this is exactly what the people in Charles Manson's cult did...before they started murdering people.
They'd creep in and re-arrange the furniture while people were asleep
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:46:04 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all the furniture upside down, but keep everything in its place. Leave no candlestick unturned!
Unplug eveything. And twist all the light bulbs until they fail to make contact but are still in the socket. Also, if they have a computer with a credit card saved to Amazon or whatever, buy kinky sex toys.
I crawled through my friends doggy door to skip school and play Diablo 2 at least once a week during 7th grade. She knew. She would skip with sometimes. But anytime I was alone I'd rearrange the living room furniture, bring the mail in and eat all the ice cream. I also printed a pic of Keifer Sutherland from Lost Boys and left it on her dad's pillow.
Move every single piece of furniture a few inches in any direction from the spot of origin. However, not so much that its obvious. When they come home, they will bump into and knock their legs and arms off of their own shit and either break it or hurt themselves. I will also install a secret camera and laugh histerically at my handiwork.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:51:52 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave open the door of the fridge and leave open the oven door and turn the oven to maximum heatโฌ to make the house actually heat up and spoil all of their food.
If they don't have an oven, than just pee every where.
Find a house with a "Proud gun-free home" sign out front and leave an unloaded gun on their night stand. Move it back every night until they give in and leave it there. Then, shoot a hole in the wall while they are gone and replace it just as it was. Making sure there are no rounds left in the gun after.
I'd make a stand up skit about it and change my name to Dane Cook and do it on a special I'd call the viscous circle while describing my attempt at a B&E (not bacon and eggs)
Hook the alarm system with the main bathroom door, and when they try to turn off the alarm it won't work, leaving them hours to search for whats wrong. Come back the next day and do the same with a different door. Also make one of the windows not hooked up to the alarm so no one will know if you jumped in. Repeat process until failure.
I've had this idea since I was a kid. A few days before Christmas I'd like to break into as many houses as possible, armed with wrapping paper and tape. Once inside I'd wrap up any wallets, purses, keys, toothbrushes, etc. Basically anything that is used regularly and would be a pain in the ass to lose for a few days. Then put them under the tree.
I've been toying with the names 'Pa-wrapper-pum-pum', or 'The Night-Bastard before Christmas', I can't decide.
Edit: Occasionally I did this to my parents / siblings. During December I'm now not allowed unsupervised access to their houses (until Xmas day).
I would swap the "b" and "v" keys on their keyboard
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:02:46 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fill every available horizontal surface with tiny plastic penguins, turn every computer or tv screen slightly to the left, shuffle their DVDs randomly in their cases, and add a slight amount of lemon flavoring to every drinkable liquid.
Sort of related, In work we wired an extremely loud alarm to the bosses light switch. Which would go off constantly until he turned his light off. He spent the next few shifts in darkness
Snow3y ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:11:28 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You mean like a burglary without taking anything?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:11:35 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change which light switch turns the lights on and which one turns the fan on.
Simple, not sure if anyone else brought this up but all you need to do is move all the furniture in the house a few inches in one direction to make the entire house feel a little off to the owners and it should take them a while to figure it out.
Break into a house once a week and take all the batteries out of their electronics, then bury them in the yard. Do this for every pack of batteries they buy for 20 years, and leave a treasure map on their table that leads them to the batteries which are buried in their yard.
brbla3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:27:29 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
turn the toilet paper the opposite way on the roll
I'd get small things like another bottle opener or an extra towel or plate that matched what they already have and put them in with everything else. Have them wondering where that extra fork came from, did they always have that random state fridge magnet?
First off acquire around 100-200 digital watches with alarms, depending on the size of the house. These watches will be inserted into the walls, behind outlets, switch plate, access panels, dropped down from the attic, loose baseboards, wherever they can be concealed. Some of them will be strategically synchronized. 12:00 am in the bedrooms, 6pm in the dining hall, 8:30am in near the door. Others will be will go off at random times, and days. These should probably last for 2 years if undiscovered.
Well, I actually already do this.
Okay, okay! I'll tell you! It is so great! I sneak into people's houses, take things off their tables and shelves, and put them into barrels! Hahaha! Isn't that rich? They think the things are stolen, but no! They are right there! They just don't know!
switch all the toothpaste to the other side of the cabinet. set half the clocks three minutes early and half of them two minutes back. switch pancake and waffle recipes on any boxes (you know how pancake mix boxes sometimes have a recipe for waffles instead- flip them).
dexxic3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:01:57 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This happened to a friend of mine's gfs house. We were on acid and she was sober. We were going to her house to feed her cats. We get there and go inside. The backwindow and backdoor were open. She checks for valuables nothings gone. But every cabinet and draw in the house was left open. Nothing was taken. They just broke in and open all her doors and drawers. It was the most confusing shit ever.
mrbuh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:06:19 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a teenager we drove around a few neighborhoods looking for houses where they'd left toys, balls, etc. out in the front yard. We then swapped entire sets of toys between houses.
Your squirt guns are gone; enjoy your new basketball.
"Also, return every week and replace a picture with a Photoshopped version with one person missing. Start with a picture of a large family gathering, and then photoshop photos that have fewer people, slowly working your way until you use a school picture and remove the student."
Turn the toilet paper rolls to the other side.
Switch milk with spoiled milk.
Go to a fast food restaurant, order a greasy dish and then rub the food over the keyboards, doorknobs, and phones.
Replace mayonnaise with vanilla pudding in the mayo jar.
Slowly move furniture over the course of a few weeks.
kcmyk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:29:09 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shit in 4 boxes and put them on hidden but easy to find places. Number them 1, 2, 3 and 5 and let them search for the 4th until the end of their lives.
http://wiki.lspace.org/mediawiki/Anticrime
'Professor Hix, the University's licenced Evil Wizard and amateur dramatics player, has perfected a sort of reverse pickpocketing, by which he deftly adds to people's pocket contents by inserting free tickets to Dolly Sisters Players productions, thus condemining the recipient to an evening of truly lacklustre amateur theatre. '
Skaleks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:32:17 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace the remotes with shitty half assed batteries.
Remove all batteries from all remotes. Change all the input/output paths for their home theater setup. Change the fridge to the warmest setting. Put the water heater on the lowest setting.
I take all the shoelaces out of their shoes. Then I replace their coffee with nice, brown dirt from the garden. Finally, on the way out (shoelaces and coffee in my backpack), I quietly make off with their eyeglasses as well.
hwwv5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:05:55 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all the pictures upside down, car keys in vegetable drawer of the fridge, vegetables in the key dish. Hide only the left shoe of every pair of shoes.
If I felt like being nice, I would just clean everything so they would be delightfully confused in the morning.
When my Aunt had a break in, the burglar threw her socks around the bedroom, poohed on the floor, and left only taking a $1 coin that had been on a table. That was pretty confusing.
Find a victim then get or make clothes that match their clothing. Only you get smaller and smaller sizes. Once a week replace their clothes with the ones a size smaller. Don't forget to sew the original size tag onto the smaller clothes so they don't suspect. Keep doing this and they'll think they're either growing or gaining weight in a hurry.
Put cocaine in their salt shakers. Put store bought picture frames with the original picture still in them in place of their photos. Put a picture of an avocado on all of their ceiling fan blades
Go to the "goodie" drawer next to the bed....put holes in the condoms with a pin, replace their lube with deep heat/dencorub/tiger balm, hide a letter stating your absolute love for them.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:21:39 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal large appliances or furniture while the homeowners are sleeping, like in the Sims. Leave them wondering how the fuck the stove being drug outside didn't wake them.
Add things to their house like old newspapers on tables, random plates and cups to their cabinets, put a new chair in the living room, add another remote for their tv, throw clothes into their laundry, add paintings on their walls, then just watch their house slowly get more cluttered untill they have to start throwing shit out.
Glue the refrigerator's door! :p
mmmm other things would be:
- Changing their clocks
- Fill a tooth paste with a shaving foam!
- Put olive oil in their shampoos
- Put jelly type thing in their shoes
- Place battery operated robot cockroaches/ spiders around their house
- Unplug their main phone (but not make it too obvious) so the rest of the phones in the house wont work either
- Install a terrible alarm app on their phones and scare them with the horrible sound (you gotta set an alarm for them of course for the middle of the night)
juwop21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:50:11 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal their tv remote. When they get a new one, drive by and change the channel as their watching l.
Haynzzy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:58:46 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
move every thing two inches to the left.. I call it.. "Two inches..to the left"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:03:37 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shift all their furniture a couple inches over. Their poor toes/shins.
thoam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:08:16 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's a scene in the film "Le fabuleux destin d'Amรฉlie Poulain" (don't know the english title) where she breaks in the flat of a mean person to do such things.
- replaces his slippers with the same kind but smaller
- replaces the lightbulbs with defective ones that are constantly flickering
- turns around the door handles
- replaces his toothpaste with some handbalm or similar
- cuts his shoelaces so that they rip when he wants to tie them
and finally when he's messed up completely and wants to call his mum from speed dial on his phone he reaches a suicide hotline
I tell them I knew all about the consequences of Brexit and yet I voted for it. Then I wear a batch which says 'Make America Great again' with Trump's photo on it.
Enter their houses and move everything around e.g. vases, dolls (this is the key one), any other ornaments.
Then I'd move all their furniture about 6 inches to the right, unless it's against the wall in which case I'd move it to the left.
Then I'd mess with the thermostat at night, lowering and increasing it to extremely cold and extremely hot temperatures at regular 1 hour intervals.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:01:48 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change passwords by only one character. If there is a cap, make it a lower case, & becomes *, 54 becomes 45
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:02:42 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rotate everything 5 to 10 degrees to the left and break all the windows. At first the victim would be shocked at the burglary. Confused as nothing is stolen. Too preoccupied to notice the perfect crime.
I would then repeat this every month except now I wouldn't break anything. Now is the time to realize that I just made your world go round.
A good friend of mine actually used to do this when he was a kid. He'd break into people's houses and fuck with their furniture, hide things, rearrange things, and the only thing he would actually steal was the remote. He got very good at entering (without breaking) people's houses.
He got caught once, by a pissed off Mountain-sized homeowner, which ended his several year run.
Depends on who the victim is. Last year I broke into the home of a lady who was so poor she simply didn't have anything worth taking. So I've visited her several times since then, and left: a widescreen TV, two hundred dollars from some jerk I robbed at gunpoint, some cough medicine (she needed it) and a restored Hillman Husky in her driveway, complete with keys.
Last week, she got arrested for possession of stolen property.
This reminds me of a couple stories; one is mine the other an uncles.
Very short story 1:
My uncle used to work maintenance at a local university and they used to mess with faculty all the time. One time he and his cohorts changed the buttons on the elevators and moved all the furniture and decorations in each hall by the elevator doors.
Very short story 2:
I work in home automation and recently one of my bosses took another job in the company. I programmed a timer to lower all his light switches by 5% every 15min.
Take a page from the stasi (east German secrete police);
"It was realised that psychological harassment was far less likely to be recognised for what it was, so its victims, and their supporters, were less likely to be provoked into active resistance, .......
........This often included psychological attacks, such as breaking into homes and subtly manipulating the contents, in a form of gaslighting โ moving furniture, altering the timing of an alarm, removing pictures from walls or replacing one variety of tea with another. Other practices included property damage, sabotage of cars, purposely incorrect medical treatment, smear campaigns including sending falsified compromising photos or documents to the victim's family, denunciation, provocation, psychological warfare, psychological subversion, wiretapping, bugging, mysterious phone calls or unnecessary deliveries, even including sending a vibrator to a target's wife. Usually, victims had no idea that the Stasi were responsible. Many thought that they were losing their minds, and mental breakdowns and suicide could result.
Atlion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:42:17 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the furniture in the house just an inch closer to the center of the room everyday.
SamL214 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:55:32 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal the power button off all remotes, unplug all computer bricks, remove batteries from wireless mice and invert (with an ifixit electronics kit) all screen powered object's hardline inputs so images are altered in various ways.
There's a scene in Amelie where the title character breaks into Collinon's apartment and adjusts everything to drive him crazy. I can't find the scene of her setting the traps, but here's a link to the aftermath
Move everything in their house 6 inches to the left. Once a month, come back and move everything back to its original position, then the next month move it all 6 inches to the right. Rinse and repeat.
Nitero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:04:09 on June 29, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fill up their dishwasher with dirty plates that leave 1/4 of the machine empty
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:54:05 on June 29, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Can't help but think this question was asked by that girls ex bf who was gas lighting her a few weeks back. I hope not, he would have so many new inconspicuous gas lighting techniques ๐
Make everything turn on the opposite direction in their house (when they press up on their remote tv the channel goes down, when they flick up on the light switch it turns off instead of on, etc)
joeret ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:29:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
little late to this, doubt anyone will see this, but i'd leave 1 second on their microwave every chance i get to break in, or fold up clothes and leave them somewhere in a huge pile.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:06:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Get shot for breaking into my house, and die in a pool of blood and vomit.
I'm gonna tell you a story that happened to me(my family) once: We were enjoying a night with some guests over and we were pretty loud since we were having a great time laughing and eating dinner, and then afterwards drinking and sharing jokes and stuff. We usually left all our shoes outside the front door, we've never had a problem with that, our neighboorhood is wonderful, we know everyone, they're all decent people. Which is why we were a little confused when we got out to find that some of our shoes were missing. And some.of the missing shoes were our guests shoes. We apologised to them, told them that this has never happened to us, we have a fence around the garden and stuff, we loaned some shoes to them and they went home. We all thought they'd been stolen. The next day we talk to neighbours and ask them if they heard/saw anything or if anything was missing from them.Apparently our shoes were sent to another neighbours house, and his shoes were sent somewhere else. Phew we were relieved to find that our guests shoes had not been in fact stolen, but some of ours still were missing. Apparently the theif had decided he no longer liked those shoes or found better ones at our neighbours house, which is three houses down from my house. The whole neighbourhood was left confused, searching for their shoes in the houses next to them and further. Most of them found them but unfortunately not all of them. That burglary must have been fun, missplacing shoes all over the place, leaving us confused.
Open the fridge and find their butter, preferably of the "I can't believe it is not" variety or one of those big yellow containers.
Take a big fuckin' hefty scoop out of the centre and lay a fat, high-fibre dook in the butter canyon.
Cover your work with the butter you previously removed to make it look like it did before. Put the butter back in the fridge and dispose of any excess.
The ramifications of this malicious breed of prank are never happy, and as such you should exercise extreme caution before comitting to turd-buttering.
This is called gaslighting and it's psychologically worse than burglar theft. There's an old movie about it called Gaslighting. The Counter-Intelligence Program does this to government targets, (thanks Patriot Act,) and it's sick and illegal.
Install Windows on their Macs, or Linux on their Windows PC's
If they have a dog, replace it with a cat or vice-versa.
If they have videogames, replace each console with a different one (Xbox with PS, PS with Nintendo, etc...), or if they play on their PC, replace it with a Chromebook or something.
Turn every speaker's volume to minimum
Replace Coca-cola/Pepsi with a mixture of carbonated water and soy sauce
Hang all paintings/pictures upside down.
Dump the contents of their trash cans on the dining table
Ok get this...I take all their potatoes...and I move them around. Like put them in a basket or whatever. Hilarious!
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:43:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They are changing mental illness patients medications with something that makes them piss his pants. Then when he stops taking them and accuses that they have been changed, put it on his record and go change them pack to those that they were originally. Then collect all the information and who is involved and make public nation and world wide press about how governament is oppressing its people for no fucking reason other than people messing with each other because someone else is saying that its a fucking good idea to ruin someones life because everyone else is doing it too without any second thoughts - basically they are not thinking clearly and not using their full brain. And by doing so these all involved are breaking immersively amount of laws against EU and human rights.
Dude. That is some Hannibal level shit right there.
You might as well have said: "Brainwash a guy with light therapy."
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:21:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Lights cant do that. Thats not how light works.
Also I dont know what is this level shit you speak of, but you must be consuming too much entertainment if you think everything is somekind of movie or book reference.
xylhim ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:51:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is my fantasy:
Break in and start making a huge pancake breakfast in the kitchen. Don't bother cleaning anything up and be kind of sloppy about it- spill a bit of flower on the floor, slop some pancake batter on the stove, make sure the table cloth is sticky with syrup. After eating the pancakes, leave the messy plates in the sink. Before leaving, take one battery out of a TV remote in the house.
This reminds me of a story about an old English couple who had their house burgled shortly after returning from holiday.
The house had definitely been broken into but, as far as they could tell, nothing had been taken. The TV was still there, the jewellery was still there, the drawers didn't looked like they'd been raked through the the house was otherwise clean and tidy. The couple and the police chalk this up as an unsolvable mystery and close the case.
Weeks later the couple get their holiday pictures back from the photo developers. The last of the film has been filled by two masked men wiping their arses with the couples' toothbrushes.
I think it would take a lifetime's worth of mouthwash to make my mouth feel clean again after that.
Break into my friend Jimmy's apartment, rearrange his entire DVD collection to correspond to the dewey decimal system instead of alphabetically, then move all furniture precisely a foot to the left.
My friend Jimmy has rather severe OCD. Many laughs are had.
Pee in the bathtub, but only enough for the bottom of the tub to be wet. The next morning they'll think they are stepping into a leftover wet shower, NOPE! It's my piss on yo feet!
Nobody will read this, but I did this, actually. Me and some friends climbed a primary school and took all the tennis balls from the roof (kids toss a lot of them onto the roof, turns out). We then broke into the gym and left the balls there. We even left a note saying: we found these on your roof. And relax, we didn't steal anything. We did stuff like that a bunch of times...
I shorten the bottom stair by one inch, and raise the top stair one inch. Next week, I break in again and reverse them. Repeat every week, because I'm bored and a sadist.
Bakkie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:05:33 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha... I actually did this;
This was about 20+ years ago.
I was walking up the street one day and a lady in front of me dropped all her groceries all over the ground as the bag she was carrying them in broke.
Nice kid that I was I asked if I could help her carry them home. She was delighted.
We walked about two or three blocks to a basement apartment.
I helped carry in the groceries and she insisted that she give me something to thank me. It was a small apartment with a detached bedroom where she shuffled about in the closet looking for whatever this item was that she just knew I must have.
This went on for a long time. Long enough that I was pacing about the apartment and starting to feel awkward.
It was becoming clearer by the minute that this woman was a little off.
As I had entered the apartment and had been pacing around I had noticed a few things;
- there were bars on all the windows.
- she left her keys on the table.
- there was a cheap cordless pencil drill on top of the refrigerator with a Phillips/star bit already on it.
- the deadbolt was of the type that turned by hand on the inside and needed a key from the outside.
In all of about 60 seconds I grabbed the cordless drill, removed the deadbolt, flipped it reverse so the keyhole was inside the apartment, grabbed the keys, left and locked the door.
I left the keys right outside the apartment while she was still chattering on to me from the other room.
Kinda cruel, I know. But, I was laughing my ass off for blocks. I still laugh when I think of it.
[deleted] ยท -17 points ยท Posted at 19:47:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Saved comment
jellatubbies ยท 3461 points ยท Posted at 13:05:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change all the doors so they swing the opposite direction. Do this once a month.
Mortis2000 ยท 1260 points ยท Posted at 15:59:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When my daughter started walking, I flipped all of our door handles to open upward (they're lever types). It was beautiful seeing our adult friends trying to figure them out. Even better when I put them back to normal about a year later which just confused them again.
Hmm_Peculiar ยท 416 points ยท Posted at 20:19:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I love this! You normally don't even really notice doors when you open them, must be really weird when they're different.
At my middle school they used to have one missing door. So of course they didn't buy a new one. Oh no, the teachers did what every responsible adult would do, keep stealing other teacher's doors.
Detharious ยท 67 points ยท Posted at 23:50:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I can just imagine a teacher taking a door off it's hinges after school was let out and both of you just staring at eachother like "you saw nothing".
oversettDenee ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 00:24:54 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Short pseudoexperience:
The bell finally rang and all the kids left for the second bus (we had 2 bus times for city and county kids) and I get up from my desk to get a cup of coffee and bring a few files to our secretary when I hear a weird tapping noise. I look out my door down the hall and I don't see anything odd, but I'm still hearing it. I go to the office and my just my luck, the secretary is gone. I go to find the janitor, Chris, to get the office unlocked when I find our science teacher tapping the hinges out of the door to the computer lab. Then he just tosses the hammer to the side and picks up the door. As he's turning to get the door out between the doorway he looks at me and lowers his brow.
"You saw nothing"
Xenexex ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 03:32:56 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The word you are looking for is "anecdote"
LeCrazyPanda ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:09:24 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think what they meant by pseudoexperience was that what they wrote was fictional. Anecdotes are usually real stories.
oversettDenee ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:26:08 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You ARE right. (:
Xenexex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:31:34 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's a believable story. I took it to be nonfiction, but you might be right.
oversettDenee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:26:25 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Panda was on to me lol
DarthyTMC ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:03:04 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
that sounds like an anime.
GrahamHosken ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:59:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i always look at the hinges on all doors so i don't pull a push door
Alex_qm ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 00:31:41 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do you know what a Norman door is?
aBORNentertainer ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:18:11 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I do now, awesome video.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:51:46 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
God I love 99% invisible.
MisterQuiggles ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 00:16:24 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Another thing too you can keep in mind is all doors to the outside of a building open outwards, and in a hallway doors typically open into the rooms, so you don't cream somebody running down the hall.
GrahamHosken ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:18:28 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
yeah my highschool had all doors open out to the hall
Delioth ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:06:21 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Smaller hallways - Schools are required to have doors open out for safety reasons (it's easier to kick in a door that opens inwards than it is to wrench a deadbolted door open towards you)
Dawn_of_Writing ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:31:55 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I got creammed running down a hallway in high school because the office door opened into the hallway... Got 4 stitched.
PinchoEscobar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:07:17 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So your the reason kids can't run in the halls?
Dawn_of_Writing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:25:13 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You could say that. There were other variables to
aBORNentertainer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:10:38 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Uh no, in a commercial building maybe, but in residences the front doors often open inward.
MisterQuiggles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:42:58 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh that's true, I had mainly commercial buildings in mind.
TexasBullets ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:16:45 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is so the hinges will not be exposed and make the security of the door vulnerable to someone removing the hinge pins.
On commercial buildings, they are usually required by code too open outward so that a mob of idiots can get out in the event of fire or something else that might generate a panic and cause them to get all pushy-shovey up against the door to where the person in front would be incapable of pulling it open. For this reason, commercial buildings usually have to use secure hinges on their external does that prevent the hinge pins from being removed.
one50nine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:41:15 on June 28, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In Finland they don't. Damn that was a tough month.
NickDownUnder ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:01:37 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Our bathrooms had doors that you could slide up and off their hinges, so naturally half the doors were eventually stolen. This lead to people taking doors from other bathrooms or occupied stalls so that they could have privacy
DarkAngel401 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:13:36 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why did I miss all the cool things in school?
lolPhrasing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:58:46 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You know, you said it would be weird with the door being different because you don't notice them and it brought up a memory of something I read. Apparently, hypnosis can be induced in these brief moments of confusion. There was even a therapist who could induce hypnosis by a quick handshake. It has something to do with exploiting the brains "auto-pilot". https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milton_H._Erickson
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 20:52:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One of our doors is like that because my dad put it in upside down.
hodgefruit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:03:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Son, is that you?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:43:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought I was your only son!!!
okcida ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:28:32 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dad?
Parrot_Face_21 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:35:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We have a faucet that the world's worst contractor put in for us, and you have to turn the handles backwards. It's in the guest bathroom which we really never use, so it's funny to see our guests (who have usually had a few drinks by then) try to figure out how to shut off the water. When they finally figure this out, I'll actually fix it, and then I'll have even more amusement!
Sefirot8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:01:19 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
dont believe
Mortido ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:57:35 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We did this to stop my cat from getting in the basement, was the only thing that ever worked. Dude was smarter than a velociraptor.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:14:01 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is standard practice in mental homes, the upside down door handles are impervious to the clients attempts to open them. Staff just use the handle the wrong way. The clients never seen to notice or learn...
Mortis2000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:34:16 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I guess that made my wife and I staff. My mates could well be classed as out patient service users.
unstable_supernova ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:40:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
relationship goals.
Mortis2000 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:51:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Actually, I suppose that's a technicality... "our older than a child but still not actually ready to be adults yet, friends"... But hey, isn't that all of us?
unstable_supernova ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:03:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's nothing wrong with being a child inside.
I hope
PantheraLupus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:03:08 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I should have done this to confuse my cat ages ago
ImperatorPC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:17:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
wish I had friends to do this to.
ZekMllr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:14:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/meirl
TigerTeller ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:39:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's brilliant.
198jazzy349 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:40:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
All of our lever handled door openers do the same thing if you push them up or push them down. You must have different lever handle door openers than we have.
Mortis2000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:36:41 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Old style, ornate ones from the UK. They're generally only bi-directional over here if they're tubular steel. Ours are brass.
Karmanoid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:58:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is weird because every lever handle I have ever had can be opened either way...
inahst ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:00:13 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
...upward?
Mortis2000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:32:22 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, upward.
[deleted] ยท 742 points ยท Posted at 15:15:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, you need to do it at a random interval of between 1 and 30 days since you last changed them. Can't have them getting into a routine.
yokcos700 ยท 141 points ยท Posted at 17:55:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, let them get into the routine. Then after a few years do it several times in a week then back to the routine.
[deleted] ยท 92 points ยท Posted at 18:28:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The "What's new pussycat?" approach!
thebiggerfudge ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 19:18:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For years scientists have wondered if you can make grown men and women weep tears of joy by playing Tom Jones' "It's not unusual"
Olaxan ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 18:59:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A routine! I'd love for them to get into a routine.
"Oh, remember that the doors will switch directions tomorrow."
dontbend ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:18:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave it to fate.
kickingpplisfun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:10:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or do have them get into a routine, then change it up after the fourth switch.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:17:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Let them have a routine but be a day or two out every so often. Predictable but not reliable.
DemiGod9 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:38:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And only one door at a time
carpet111 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:39:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do it in a short interval then wait 2 months then change it a bunch of times then wait 2 more months then change it once and wait a month
cayoloco ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 16:33:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You've obviously never installed a door before have you. Not impossible, but a hell of a lot of work.
King_Jaahn ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 16:48:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There was a thread about a guy pranking his wife by doing this and insisting they'd always been that way.
Commenters quickly pointed out that this was not a prank, it's a form of mental abuse known as gaslighting.
HatterJack ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 17:23:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The line between pranking and abuse/torture/kidnapping/war crimes is often thin enough to be mistaken as something worse than it is.
Notbob1234 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:55:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turkey: "It was all an in good fun"
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:33:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
CharlesDickensABox ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:09:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have definitely done this to people, but I always come clean about it after a little while. One of my favorites was to pick someone's pocket at my old job (I am not a master thief, but in context it wasn't that difficult) and then leave it in a specific spot that wasn't near where they worked, but was close enough that they might have set it there and forgotten. After the fourth or fifth time it happens in a shift they start going crazy, and everyone gets a good laugh out of it.
King_Jaahn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:28:07 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It went on for months IIRC. He was saying he'd gotten really good at changing them.
Part of his post was describing how she'd have this disturbed look on her face when she reached for the wrong side of the door.
rogueregulator ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:25:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
please link this thread
NotAnAI ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:41:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Please let me know if op delivers
espo1234 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:14:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
RemindMe! 4 hours Did OP post link?
CharlesDickensABox ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:58:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
nope.
espo1234 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:23:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
shhhhhh give it time, it still has about 30 mins
CharlesDickensABox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:33:31 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
nope.
jacob3441 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"It's just a prank bro"
lolatch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:21:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
poor quality, relevant
paddygordon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:18:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You could change double light-switches, would be less noticeable.
NoRemorse920 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:43:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not worth switching back. Doors open specific directions, into rooms, into the home. I'd NEVER get used to it switched, it's just wrong!
TabMuncher2015 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So wait for them to switch them all back, then switch them again! Mwahahaha!
xPRIAPISMx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Big investment replacing the doorway also. I like your dedication.
theRailisGone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:22:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You say that like it'd be no problem to do. You'd have to repeatedly replace the doorframe.
lonewolf13313 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:43:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We had a mini fridge at work that you could do this to easily. Every couple of months when I was working alone on the weekend I would swap it.
raidbackrex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:27:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I put in a work order to fix the kitchen sink at my apartment. They fixed it but they changed the direction of how the knobs turn. It's now lefty tighty righty loosey
Manlyarmpits ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:06:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or switch doors with ones from a different house that are slightly different.
BadBoyJH ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:31:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Could you do this to my house, except just once.
EVERY FUCKING DOOR SWINGS INTO THE ROOM INSTEAD OF TO THE WALL. IT'S FUCKING INFURIATING.
sssh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:47:45 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For extra fun add the top and bottom directions too.
SnakeJG ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:43:01 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I came here to suggest switch which side the fridge doors open on.
1999seanboland ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:33:03 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just put the door handles on the opposite side but keep the hinges where they are
Pavotine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:47:38 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm really late for this one so sorry for jumping in up here but I've got to get this one seen.
Paint all their lightbulbs black whilst you are there to change the doors around. When they turn the lights on it will actually get darker.
niceman123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:29:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ya sure it all starts off as a harmless burglary . But then your best friends wife starts getting black eyes, saying she "walked into a doorknob" and he's arrested and then you never tell a soul and take on his identity and support his family while pretending to be him.
michael1999wang ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:27:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This.
zomskii ยท 4042 points ยท Posted at 12:26:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all of their family photos with mirror image copies.
theodore33 ยท 1895 points ยท Posted at 13:48:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Also, return every week and replace a picture with a Photoshopped version with one person missing. Start with a picture of a large family gathering, and then photoshop photos that have fewer people, slowly working your way until you use a school picture and remove the student.
obamapear ยท 3288 points ยท Posted at 14:37:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah! And then find the people in the pictures and murder them so it matches! Haha, classic.
_naomikate ยท 47 points ยท Posted at 16:10:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hahahaha right on man
classecrified ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:50:40 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
me 2 thanks
[deleted] ยท 42 points ยท Posted at 17:09:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[removed]
obamapear ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 17:59:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You heard it here first: I am the zodiac killer. Thanks Obama.
k1o ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:40:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wtf am I. In redditsumulator?
CuteDreamsOfYou ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:09:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/subredditsimulator for anyone who hasn't seen this weird thing
CptBeetle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:05:57 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I heard in another Reddit thread that he's actually the Zodidliac; a cross between someone who 'diddles' children and the Zodiac killer.
rbloyalty ยท 78 points ยท Posted at 15:42:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
well I think that's enough internet for today
mainman879 ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 16:18:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Come back the day just started!
knaper ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 16:33:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cum on my back we just started
JakkuScavenger ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 20:24:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't cum! We just started!
PLAY_MY_MEAT ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 20:36:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We just cummed, DONT START
vatrat ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:17:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't, don't, don't let's start, I've got a weak heart
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:10:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We just didn't. Start cumming.
androidlegionary ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 22:39:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you eight?
MaxDG1013 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:20:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
oh
Cruel_Intention ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 15:30:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
bro,
CHILL
tinykeyboard ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:22:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
damn it winston! you always take it either too small or too big!
runs-with-scissors ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:46:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, the ol' Reverse Hitler.
Perhyte ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:57:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds more like Stalin to me...
thephilski ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:05:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like a Goosebumps plot for sure.
DanceWithTheDevil_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:40:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Okay that sounds cool wtf is wrong with me.
obamapear ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:53:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing :)
Arcaane ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:56:09 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is exactly my kind of humour
ShadowOvertaker ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:37:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This got dark very fast.
VulpesVulpix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:06:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds like a great plot for a movie
s2514 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/crazyideas
AlwaysClassyNvrGassy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
#justpsychothings
Alikont ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:15:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Classic
jaytaicho ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:14:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Winnie the Bish.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:12:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've done this before lol
thundercock43 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:16:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take it easy there Rafi.
FordF650 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:48:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So all you guys read my autobiography too?
Weep2D2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:41:38 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well that escalated quickly.
blue_nightmarlin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:55:21 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Whoa.. Slow down there Stalin
Rogue__Jedi ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:26:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks Obama.
RENEgadeRSO ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:21:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Really? I guess I'll say it. Classic Schmosby. 6 hrs later and nobody said it.
QuestInTimeAndSpace ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 18:00:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Got eem gud
SeanGames ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 14:27:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like Hermione in Harry Potter 7
mulumequitem ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:42:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Woah put a spoiler alert on that!
Spartancoolcody ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:59:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Snape kills Dumbledore.
FoolishChemist ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 14:33:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Marty, stop going back to 1955!
thumpas ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:18:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Am I the only one who doesn't have family photos in the house? Who has time to print and frame pictures? Plus I would always have to take them down when I masturbate.
AmericanFromAsia ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:23:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or take a family gathering picture and every 1-4 weeks you Photoshop one person out, until eventually they all disappear
neregekaj ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:40:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or photoshop a person out of one picture and into another.
nattylight112 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:07:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ah yes, burglary Stalin style.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But OP isn't and will never be as smart and badass as Stalin
KingRyanidas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:55:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's just what he wants you to think.
ChristineHMcConnell ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:22:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
God, I love this! I might actually initially photoshop strangers in their place kind of like that Back to the Future picture with MJF changing into Eric Stoltz.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:44:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We did something similar to my grandma when the whole family was staying with her. Every day we'd blue tack a photo of Phil Mitchell's head onto a picture in our living room, but the rule was we had to do it while she was there with us.
Se7enLC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:42:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Like back to the future?
gameboy17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:15:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Then, start photoshopping in different people entirely.
NINJAM7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:23:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Disruption in the space time continuum
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:27:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
what
RangerNS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:35:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do I have to go back to 1955 again?
apostasism ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:33:46 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Donner party strikes again
Drihzer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:52:41 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Slow down there stalin
kissto ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:51:56 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Genius!
Sounds_of_a_Sax ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:15:25 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And you can mix the photoshopped people into different photos
Shadowex3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:12:07 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't get rid of people, just replace their face with gary busey.
Brassens71 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:02:44 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Alternately, insert random stock photo people into their family pictures.
someguybob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:07 on June 28, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just saying, that would scare the crap out of folks, and not annoy them. :)
snuff3r ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:39:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Photoshop out there teeth! One a week.
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 349 points ยท Posted at 12:27:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I like this one, might not be noticed immediately, but it still looks kinda correct
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:19:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It really works if at least one of the photos has text in it. Especially really significant text like "happy birthday" that definitely would have looked normal when you took the photo.
TheAbsurdPrince ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:56:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Once they notice I feel like they'd know something was off but not sure what. Every day they'd go back to check. Still not sure. Once they accept that their is nothing wrong with it, switching back. When they look again they'll be driven mad by the feeling of it being off again.
ThundercuntIII ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:48:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think I'd notice immediately. Seeing myself in mirror image looks really different. By different I mean ugly af.
Mist101 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 17:14:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's interesting, don't most people enjoy their mirrored image better because that's what we are used to? Your like the exact opposite.
PlayerOne2016 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:26:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's kinda like the feeling you get when you find the toilet paper looped under the roll versus over the roll or vice versa. It just doesn't feel quite right. Wait, I just figured out my answer to OP's question....I'd screw with people's toilet paper.
PlayerTwo2016 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:07:40 on July 3, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Haha that's awesome! ๐ I do that to my guy sometimes just because ๐shifty eyes
PlayerOne2016 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:46:46 on July 3, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh really now.
mark1nhu ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:02:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yep, I would strange being photogenic all of sudden.
ThundercuntIII ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:19:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I did not read things well enough so that's probably not the case :(
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 16:21:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you've got mad photoshop skills, scan all the photos and then break in about once every six months to replace the photos with slightly aged photos. Over the course of ten years or so, the photos would have totally aged with them and it'll freak them out. Works best if you can find multiple photos of how they actually have aged over time and start with baby photos.
'Stephen, didn't we take this photo when Millie was a baby? She's got to be at least ten or twelve in this photo!"
brixondekk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:48:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
you got buried but this is brilliant
conquer69 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:45:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Even better if you age them all but yourself.
Sefirot8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:03:16 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
why is the burglar in the photos..... :0 an inside job!
ItMightGetBeard ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 17:13:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My brother came home from Afghanistan with a full beard and while he was the only one home at my parents house he drew a beard on all of the pictures of himself, even the old high school ones. No one noticed for a few days.
Asmor ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:33:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Actually did something similar to this to a coworker.
We had this prank where we'd hide this Power Rangers doll with a skull on its head in each others' cubes. My coworker had a picture of him and his GF on the beach. So one day, I take a pic of the skull-headed doll in front of his picture, print it out, and put that in the frame in front of his picture.
Took him weeks to notice the giant skull photobomb.
mooncricket18 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:23:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My family would likely never notice and when they did just think it was done originally
Cuppaccino ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:36:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Add Costanza to the backgrounds of them.
HaywoodJablomie ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:46:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hehe. When my parents went on vacation for three weeks, I replaced all the family photos (there aren't many on display) with photos of Russian president Vladimir Putin while looking after the place. Not really sure how long it took them to notice.
jbrenthenson ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:31:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace the batteries in their remotes with shitty dead batteries
MarkNutt25 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:52:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like I would never notice this.
hawkwings ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:32:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or add skin cancer and baldness to the pictures.
alwaysusepapyrus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:14:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My husband printed out a bunch of Nic Cage heads and put them over one family member in every framed photo in my moms house. She was still finding them months later.
BEEFTANK_Jr ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:03:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A friend of mine did this to his sister with pictures of models from magazines. She didn't notice.
MyFacade ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:30:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A family member liked pictures in our house, but no longer lived here. They snuck in and replaced them with color copies.
We noticed.
TheForgottenLion ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:30:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If I were living in that house I'd believe I had been switched with another version of me from an alternate dimension just slightly different than my own. I'd wonder what else was different and it's bug me my whole life.
Something_Syck ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:18:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace them with pictures of Nicolas Cage
TheSmashPosterGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:39:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's really good
fat_lazy_american ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:44:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man, this might be the most diabolical, they'd think they were going crazy, you'd have to do them one at a time though over a few months.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:47:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or porn.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:52:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This one would actually fuck with me hard
imshitatreddit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:36:22 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And I just found out what I'm going to do with my spare time while my inlaws are over seas for the week. This is gold!!
edit - a word
WhiteStar274 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:45:25 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My brother did something similar. He replaced a family photo with one of a horse mask, just noticed it.
ohreally468 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:45:52 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or, replace all photos with pictures of Nicholas Cage.
tinman82 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:44:13 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just put black and white copies of them in there.
CourageousCapybara ยท 7749 points ยท Posted at 13:07:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break in and watch all their currently watched shows on netflix by 2 episodes so they're totally lost
RedditsInBed2 ยท 3183 points ยท Posted at 15:16:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Ha! Jokes on you! I fall
asleepnwatchingasleep watching Netflix and do that to myself already!SamiTheBystander ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 18:17:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hulu is the worst for this. You will literally wake up watching another show because it never stops itself. Ever.
IndifferentAnarchist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:23:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You can disable autoplay.
drazzy92 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:36:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's amazing for binge-watching certain topics, though. I just started using Hulu yesterday while hungover, and I started out watching documentaries on Queen Elizabeth I, and then I somehow ended up watching this long explanation of what life was like in ancient Rome. It was like Hulu read my mind because I've been watching Rome on HBO and it couldn't have autoplayed that movie at a better time.
KaceyTronsFatTits ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mine does occasionally. It will ask me if I'm still watching. I have had it happen where I'll start watching the last season of a show, fall asleep midway through and wake up watching another show.
Ralph_Charante ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:21:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I can't imagine why they would let it run for 12 hours straight, hogging all that bandwidth.
Mattzap ยท 81 points ยท Posted at 16:18:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You can disable autoplay on the settings btw.
theacorneater ยท 256 points ยท Posted at 16:24:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But then you have to use the remote to play the next episode
fl0w_io ยท 177 points ยท Posted at 16:30:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You still have to find the bloody remote when they prompt "Are you awake"? I feel so shitty every time I press yes, because it's like they're asking "Dude, enough TV, go out sometime maybe?"
tomsawing ยท 78 points ยท Posted at 16:36:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well at least it's not like modern Nintendo games, many of which actually, literally tell you to go outside every fifteen minutes.
RedditsInBed2 ยท 69 points ยท Posted at 17:14:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've been playing Wind Waker HD, it told me to remember to take breaks. "You don't tell me what to do!" controller dies "God dammit!"
CompGrl323 ยท 51 points ยท Posted at 17:34:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I occasionally speedrun Super Mario Galaxy 2, and after a couple hours Lubba's all "Gee, you've been through a lot lately, Captain. Maybe it's time to take a break?" And he complains if you play at night, like past 1am. Way to judge my life, Lubba.
Nightwalker911 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 19:13:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rip night shift workers... Lubba hates us.
Edit: and so does my phone.
nekoningen ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 20:12:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We're used to it, the whole world is engineered against us.
Heathen15 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:40:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Especially if you buy beer on the way home from work.
STOP JUDGING ME CASHIER LADY!
TheRazorX ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:42:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, don't even get me started on that shit. I used to work overnight shift, meaning I slept around 2 pm. As a result i'd come home from work and occasionally have a beer and cigarette in my balcony at like 9-10 am, there was one older lady that would usually walk her dog around the same time and she usually saw me.
One day there was a domestic disturbance in my building (I lived alone), and someone called the cops, the cop came to my door and started asking me questions thinking I was the one causing the disturbance until he realized I really did live alone. With an interesting look on his face he politely asked me about my job and when I worked, when I told him he smiled and apologized for disturbing me and went looking for the real source of the disturbance.
I found out later from one of the other neighbors that the lady had called the cops, and called them on me because I was "the useless unemployed drunk" according to her.
SerenadingSiren ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:09:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Even the sun!
negativevictory ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:23:28 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We should lodge a complaint against the sun's engineers.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:42:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Super Pokemon Mystery dungeon does this after every little story driven mission
One was literally 5 minutes apart. "Remember to take a break!" Every. Goddamn. Time.
EX-Manbearpig ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 16:42:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ARE YOU STILL WATCHING?
ktravio ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 17:47:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Modern? Shit, Earthbound in the '90s was reminding me I should take a break every time I saved the game. Thanks, Dad.
fireork12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:26:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
RIP buzzbuzz
eggjuggler ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 17:15:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My household refers to this as the "Netflix judgement pop-up".
fl0w_io ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:58:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Haha, perfect.
sinister_exaggerator ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 18:26:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like it's judging me when it does that. Netflix is all "Are you still watching Firefly?" Fuck off Netflix it's only been 3 episodes and I haven't even watched that show more than like 7 times yet jeez
fl0w_io ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:57:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Aye, watching Firefly is when I get judged most often as well. Like, one just can't watch one episode. The rest of the series has to follow. If only they had Serenity as well :(
sinister_exaggerator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:00:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Where do you live? In the US Serenity is also on Netflix
fl0w_io ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:42:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
WHAT? I'm in Sweden. That's bullshit. Stupid licensing, can't they (the distributors, I understand Netflix's position in this) just drop the bureaucracy already. All they're doing is losing money, it's not like I'll go out and buy that BR/DVD - I don't even have a disk-player anymore. Netflix, HBO or ... other means.
sinister_exaggerator ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:56:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, if you're looking to do it strictly legally, I'm sure there's a way to buy a digital copy from somewhere. Otherwise...well, there are other means. If they leave you no choice, so be it
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:11:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
negativevictory ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:27:10 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've watched the series I-don't-know-how-many times and I still haven't watched Serenity yet. I should really get around to that before 7/16,
adenocard ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:22:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you watch enough Netflix, they start suggesting little videos they've made entitled "go outside," "take a shower," "call your mother" etc.
I heard this from a friend.
RiotingMoon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've never gotten that...and binge watched all buffy once. o.o My netflix is use to me?!?!
fl0w_io ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:57:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not sure how sensitive it is, but you may not press replay/pause and perhaps even move your mouse.
RiotingMoon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:26:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh...perhaps my "next episode damn you" clicking lets them know I'm still alive. Good to Know!
TheHaleStorm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:25:24 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you awake?
Xbox play.
Fuck a remote.
Kawaninja ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:53:19 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"XBOX PLAY!"
iamhappylight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:31:22 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's a Chrome extension for disabling that "Are you awake?" prompt. I can't watch Netflix without it now.
fl0w_io ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:24:50 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This most often happens on my Apple TV, so not possible.
Mattzap ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fair enough. I just use my laptop next to me on bed so I don't have that problem.
hyperlite135 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is the only thing I use my Kinect for. Sooo convenient
chadcf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah but if you don't use the remote you have to watch 30 seconds of credits while netflix counts down to autoplay the next episode. I find that if I'm awake I'd much rather use the remote than watch 30 seconds of credits.
OgreMagoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:09:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
dies
zimmy92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:31:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Best argument for the kinect on my Xbox one
KingRyanidas ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:42:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, and some jerk above already stole the remote and the batteries. And then some other jerk replaced the new batteries with tootsie rolls.
hrg_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:16:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This has to be new
Tap_Z_or_R_Twice ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How the hell am i going to fall asleep if i have to get up to change every episode?!
NotThtPatrickStewart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:18:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Netflix has auto play????
AutoCompliant ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:26:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
http://youfellasleepwatchingadvd.com
thatwasnotkawaii ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:09:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
RIP Electricity Bill
ManToMars ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:01:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I bet you'd be confused as to why you were 4 episodes further.
xilef_destroy ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 15:52:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dad?
RedditsInBed2 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:05:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jokes on you again! It's mom!!
dmilin ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:41:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out
Jebediah_Blasts_off ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:01:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i learned a new word today!
ScrewedSomethingOnce ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:56:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
See in always party sure I turned Netflix off before I fall asleep but when I go to watch the next episode, I'm 5 ahead.
ScrewedSomethingOnce ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:56:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
See in always party sure I turned Netflix off before I fall asleep but when I go to watch the next episode, I'm 5 ahead.
gravity_loss ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:24:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always "resume watching" right at a spoiler too.
TPK_MastaTOHO ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:27:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What if you fall asleep and someone breaks in and watches FOUR episodes
Cerinthus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:36:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've done this so many times. And in Soviet canuckistan we have bandwidth caps.
joZeizzle ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:02:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's why I'll watch a show today I've never seen for a while, then once i start getting sleepy, I switch to Archer or Futurama or something that I've already seen every episode 50 times.
That way I don't feel the need to listen closely if my eyes are shut, and the fact that I haven't seen it doesn't keep me awake.
Geminidragonx2d ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:46:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you on a tablet or phone? I always do this on my tablet. 'n' and 'm' instead of space. Annoys the shit out of me because it completely fucks up autocorrect too.
RedditsInBed2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:58:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yep! It's incredibly annoying!
n7bane ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:36:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or do you?
charliesinthebushes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:39:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes!
Washburne221 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:35:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I sleepwalk sometimes, and apparently one of the things I do is watch shows. So this happens to me from time to time. The funny thing is that I will feel like I have seen the episode I watched while sleepwalking, but I can't remember where or when I did so; it's a strange feeling.
Khiash ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:19:59 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Asleepnwatching, huh? I detect a mobile user.
Source: mobile user
HighOnTacos ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:37:27 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I finally decided to turn off auto-advance because of this. Now I just can never remember when I fell asleep during an episode, and where I have to start...
_DEADnotSLEEPIN_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:54:44 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My wife gets so mad when I do this cause she gets sucked into the show and I pass out after about one and a half episodes
RedditsInBed2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:03:09 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My boyfriend is the same, I usually see most episodes of whatever we're watching twice. :)
alphalady ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:43:16 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You don't get out of bed much do you?
KitchenBomber ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:33:16 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or do you?
vapir1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:13:51 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you take Ambien you might just watch your favorite shows and ones you might not even watch while "sleep walking". I once went to play Fallout and found my game advanced farther than I remember. And I somehow accrued over 100 Stimpaks, thank you sleep walking me.
Pure_Diamond ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:37:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You can disable autoplay in netflix settings
Tamatone ยท 387 points ยท Posted at 14:56:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Too mean
iblackspeed ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:26:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Eh, it seems average to me
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:57:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Takes too much time
MoistBrevity ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:07:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Some people just want to watch the world burn...
Cruel_Intention ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 15:28:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I use a shared Netflix account and even though people can make individual profiles, everyone decides to use my account, and decides to watch my shows, exactly where I decide to stop. Incase this happens to you, just go to https://www.netflix.com/WiViewingActivity and check the last episodes viewed. Saves a LOT of time.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:03:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Cruel_Intention ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:15:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah I have. Except no one bothers.
Sometimes new friends see my name and open it because I gave them the account. And then decide to watch the same shows as me. Fuckers.
uNecrotic ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 14:52:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
God DAMN
mike413 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 15:41:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or watch episodes 4 8 15 16 23 42
00Deege ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:28:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nice reference insert.
DeadpooI ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:01:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or better yet watch every episode to an important part of the episode so when they start to watch the episode is ruined.
CharlieFuckingDay ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:14:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Forget the spider webs and ghosts; this is fucking diabolical.
TheWhiteCuban ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:16:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My type of crime
bplboston17 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:46:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
or just break in and erase all the shows on the DVR and set it to tape some weird show that nobody likes..
Zomeese ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:23:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Would rather them steal my TV
Ermahgerd_Rerdert ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:04:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You monster!
Mojorisin5150 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:29:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like I do this to myself already. Unless... it's actually one of you doing this to me and I'm not crazy!
pizzaforthewin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:47:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No that's to obvious. Got to go random. Like 3 episodes then 1, or 2. Maybe go 0 ahead on one to mess them up more
2015highlyfe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:26:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fast forward half way through all the episodes
MuckingFedic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:41:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This would be the worst. Especially if you did it on shows that recap what happened in the last episode in the beginning
Bizurns ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:54:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, I'm imagining starting a episode of SoA and watching the 'previously on Sons of Anarchy' section and really being confused. My wife would blame me and I'd stick to my constant accusation that she watches episodes before me which is why she always guesses the plot twist. Damn you.
aluminum_man ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:55:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Alternatively you could rate hundreds of terrible shows and movies with 5 stars so that Netflix will suggest nothing but garbage to watch.
00Deege ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:32:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My girlfriend already does this.
crazyg0od33 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:02:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I actually fucked with my asshole roommate in a similar way a few years ago. It was the premier of the new season of house of cards, and he was using my Netflix account without my permission (found out because I don't watch half the shows he does but they're now in my continue watching panel. So I opened up house of cards and skipped to the last minute of random episodes so when he would forget to hit play from beginning it would ruin the ending.
Let me just clarify the other 3 of us disliked this roommate a lot and he was a huge asshole
you_got_fragged ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:22:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
00Deege ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:34:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's what I read it as initially! Was wondering how it fit into this thread...
crazyg0od33 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
hilarious
pofish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:31:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Then my SO will assume I skipped ahead and watched all the shows we watch together, which is akin to cheating in our household.
Mqtty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:35:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I do this to a friend, she used my account and once a month I'll go forward like 3 seasons and watch a couple episodes just to piss her off. She still hasn't said anything to me about it.
nightwheel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:45:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or look at what they watch, and add stuff to their list that is an obvious opposite of what they have there.
That way when they use Netflix, they get suggestions for things they normally wouldn't.
wolffangz11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or watch it until right before a spoiler, so when they continue, they get hit.
KorbanDidIt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:07:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Better yet go a few episodes ahead, watch varying lengths of the episode then change episodes and repeat a few more times, that way when it auto plays and gets to those episodes it'll start them midway through!
smuffin89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Amazing
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:20:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You could also utterly destroy their feed by watching some kids shows.
Runs_towards_fire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take it easy there satan.
the-dork-knight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:34:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And leave the shows right at a HUGE spoiler like somebody dying lol oh my gosh I would flip
mysticalmisogynistic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:47:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Previously on LOST
netherwise ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:00:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would just assume Netflix screwed up...
queed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:03:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
or conversely make the Hulu subscribers lose their minds as you watch the new episodes before they do and before they know it they've missed the new eps of their favorite shows!
somewittyusername92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
how ww3 starts...
TheBelowParGatsby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:25:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That was so funny that I forgot where the rating system was and just saved it. But I figured it out eventually.
Silverton13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
you just gave me an idea to fuck with all the people using my netflix account
Lolleos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:26:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Woah hold on there satan. People are talking about silly thing like shooting their legs or something.
dancingbanana123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:55:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or skip to the season finale's ending.
Zardif ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:11:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just fast forward to the very end and it'll show as watched to do this quicker.
Fromyoo2me ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:43:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Better yet, start watching really weird shows so it throws off their preferences
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:07:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I honestly don't feel as though that is practical.
ToIA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:45:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Easy, Satan.
natrlselection ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:41:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fucking savage.
___MOON___ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:26:05 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Good thing Game of Thrones isn't on Netflix. Evil bastard.
Animal_shapes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:58:47 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's where I draw the line sir
Firewolf420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:18:07 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Netflix never fuckin keeps track of the episodes anyways, wouldn't br anything new
morris1022 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:59:32 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's how marriages end right there
yayalorde ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:45:35 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Animal!!!!
FUCK_MY_BUTT69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:14:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Brutal, holy shit you monster
Augenis ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:18:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
HAH! My country doesn't have Netflix! Or at least I don't use it!
Try again.
00Deege ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:29:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'll bite.
What country are you from that they don't have Netflix?!
Augenis ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:36:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lithuania. We technically do have Netflix, but I'm pretty sure I am the only person here who has ever heard of it.
plax1780 ยท 3221 points ยท Posted at 12:40:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the Kleenex out of the box and put individual squares of TP in it
[deleted] ยท 1805 points ยท Posted at 13:38:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Single ply. That way they can't even use it
mike413 ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 15:39:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
you can add a ply of sandpaper here and there.
Swank_on_a_plank ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 15:57:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's no difference anyway.
PM_ME_YOUR_RATTIES ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 21:30:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Please, there is too a difference.
The sandpaper holds together when used.
nightwheel ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:48:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, depending on the grit.
kalitarios ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:04:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So my choice is Quilted Northern or 70 grit?
fluffspeed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:31:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Scott's or 120
thebeerdedwonder ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 14:54:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The old John Wayne tp swap!
aluminum_man ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:51:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rough, tough, and doesn't take shit from anyone
kalitarios ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always heard as a kid it was rough, tough and takes no shit from indians
pax_47 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:57:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is that you John Wayne?
HOLY_CRAP_im_here ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 15:46:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Monster
maglen69 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:52:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing like accidentally feeling the inside of your nose when you go to blow it right?
kalitarios ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:04:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
woo hoo! Free booger
shexna ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:23:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is it even possible to buy single ply? i thought it was all going to work places around the globe.
svanasana ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:53:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Scott 1000 packs from Costco. Lasts the whole year, unless you have a pregnant woman in the house. You can keep your fancy schmancy buttwipe.
waremon0 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:50:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Does it last because no one wants to wipe their ass with sand paper so they use the back of your monogrammed bathroom towels instead?
svanasana ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ten-year-old bathroom towels are even rougher than my TP. I'M POOR OK?
Cook_n_shit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I actually packed my roommates supply and put it in the garage. My mother uses the hall bathroom, I'll buy the decent toilet paper if you can't afford it you poor soul!
LeCucumber ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:34:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes!
mikerichh ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:42:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
...you...monster!
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:56:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OP said burglar not psychopath
HeelTheBern ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:50:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Then shit ALL OVER THEIR PILLOWCASE
ehsteve23 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:03:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When it comes to TP ply, the rule of two applies; two is one, one is none
kidbeer ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:38:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just take my electronics and burn my house down
LieutenantKD ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:10:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nah bro this is why I use charmin ultra soft.
Cook_n_shit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:54:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That leaves dingle berries of used tissue behind in my lady bits, I lrefer the ultra strong. Plenty soft, nothing left behind.
dividepaths ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:12:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nate, re-ply that toilet paper.
diafeetus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:17:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You bastard.
Foodspec ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:42:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Calm down, Satan.
RxiZBac0n ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:20:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Calm down there Satan.
b1llb3rt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:37:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're a monster!
that_random_Italian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:56:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He said annoy, not induce suicide
Homelesswarrior ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:12:32 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Easy there Satan.
TotallyNotanOfficer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:38:53 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Calm down Satan
Foxyfox- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:23:15 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Calm down, satan.
Bkradley1776 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:36:29 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Some men just want to watch the world burn...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:44:56 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I use single ply. My bhole is a warrior in training and needs to learn how harsh the world is one thin sheet at a time.
spider_penis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:28:05 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hate going to public places with diarrhea. I then have to use their shitty one ply and end up fingering my balloon knot repeatedly.
Brassens71 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:04:25 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Now that's just evil.
amakurt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:31:08 on July 1, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Calm down satan
hardlyworking_lol ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:24:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Then the next day on /r/mildlyinteresting "My Kleenex box came with toilet paper instead"
kittypuppet ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:12:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My allergies would like to have a word with you.
seagramsseven ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:59:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's what I was just thinking. I go out of my way to buy the ones with lotion and always make sure I have at least 2+ back up boxes. Evil.
PurpleHue82 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:41:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Also only for houses without kids
ThundercuntIII ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:46:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What the FUCK
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:02:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or, cut up little squares of fabric, all different colors and put them in the box.
I would hide all the remotes. Then I would change out all the photo frames and put Nick Cage in them. You know, for old times sake.
KingSneakyMole ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:03:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Alternatively, you make small while cylinders the approximate dimensions of the average TP. It could be made of paper and you could unfold it at the place so you can carry a bunch with you. Find their toilet paper stash, and take all the TP out. Replace with the white cylinders. Go to the washroom(s) and roll out the TP there, and make it a very small amount, so if they go to take a dump they need more. Take all the TP with you.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:33:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Meh, too much work, very little reward.
461weavile ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:22:01 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the Kleenex and replace it with dollar store facial tissues
olivias_bulge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:02:21 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ugh. Shit Tickets.
hehateme429 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 15:58:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You are Satan.
Twisted14 ยท 7754 points ยท Posted at 12:58:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Slowly shorten the dining table chair legs over the course of several months.
the_flying_spaghetti ยท 3700 points ยท Posted at 15:39:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Isn't this kind of what Mr. Twit did in Roald Dahl's book? He added a little bit of height to his wife's cane and chair every day and then convinced her she has "the shrinks". EDIT: Nice to know so many people remember this book!
skylynes ยท 939 points ยท Posted at 16:55:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I got in trouble when I was younger because I called this book "the twats". I didn't know what a twat was.
Sleepwalks ยท 915 points ยท Posted at 19:28:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
When I was a little kid, I'd make up nonsense words for sounds I'd hear. Like the annoying weed whacker my neighbor would use between the houses that would wake me up in the morning was the 'brazzit." We lived on the path for an airport nearby, and the planes were the "rumbish." But the word I decided on for the sound of the dishwasher when it clicks and goes into a lower pitch? Starts with "N" and rhymes with "bigger."
I'd never heard the word before, thought it was nonsense. And my parents were horrified. I got in so much trouble. We had a world globe in the living room I used to stare at all the time, and I remember the day I found Niger, I felt so justified. And got into so much trouble again.
Captain_0_Captain ยท 402 points ยท Posted at 20:50:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I see another person awkwardly found the N-word tooโฆ My black friend in third grade told me to scream itโฆ So I didโฆ My teacher was also black... It did not end well.
DarthPeanutButter ยท 67 points ยท Posted at 21:24:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My black friend in 4th grade told me a very funny joke using the N-word, however it wasn't nearly as well received when I decided to go around telling it to everyone...
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:02:03 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid we did "eeny meeny miney mo, catch the tigger by the toe". Years later I was horrified when I found out what it should have been.
lizardwizard7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:17:05 on June 29, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
just realizing this now... :O
numanist ยท 56 points ยท Posted at 20:54:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Partner in crime material right there.
Whats_Up_Bitches ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 22:37:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Entrapment
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:57:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's cause he's black isn't it?
Not_Your_Duck ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:45:54 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I mean to be fair the teacher probably didn't sell drugs to the students. It was only his black friend.
grovesky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:19:30 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
3rd grade Shawn and Gus.
SupaKoopa714 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 23:06:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've got my own accidental N-word story. This one time in fourth grade, my friend and I were rhyming a bunch of nonsense words. It was stupid, but we were laughing like goons. We'd say something like "Chair... dlair-syair-hlair-zair..." and so on. At one point, I said, "Yeah, well it's bigger! Digger-rigger-zigger-kigger-nigger-" Suddenly the teacher yells, "Watch your mouth!", and every black kid in the room gives me a death glare. And here I am, suddenly scared and confused, having no idea what I said. The worst part is that nobody would tell me what I had, which only confused me more. I eventually found out which word was the naughty one, but of course that was like a month after I went and blurted it out in a crowded classroom.
SaintNicolasD ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:01:17 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ha that's how I learned the word bitch
idioterod ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:12:19 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My multicultural men's group was meeting at my house when my young son came out with "eeny meeny miny moe, catch a ...... tiger ....by the toe. I had to swallow my heart before I could start breathing again.
perfunctorium ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:15:57 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
...I used to play eeny meeny all the time as a kid in the 90s, except we really did say "tiger", and it only just occurred to me how obvious it is what the rhyme should be. Oh man. Kids are so stupid and innocent.
HellaBrainCells ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 00:25:51 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait I've hear eeny meeny a million times, is that really like supposed to be the word or what?
WanderingTokay ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:49:17 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Well... tigers likely don't holler if you grab them by their toe.
My parents always used tiger. My grandparents? Not so much.
Edited to add: the version recorded by Rudyard Kipling does not use 'tiger' so that seems to have been a more modern adjustment.
HellaBrainCells ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:33:08 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I mean the song doesn't make any sense regardless, just like many other kids rhymes. Now I have to look up the origin of this, very interesting though...
idioterod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:01:11 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, as a kid we used the "good" and the "bad" version so when my son started the chant I was uncertain which he and his friends used. We had black friends but I wasn't certain he knew about slurs and such at his age.
witheld ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:03:44 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The sad part was that all the black kids knew that word and knew that it was an insult. I promise it wasn't an authority figure teaching them to hate it...
orcazebra ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:23:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was about 8 years old I lived in an apartment complex, and one day this (white) family from Arkansas moved in. The little girl was 6 years old, had some major issues and went straight to starting fights with all the other kids. She started calling me and a couple of my (white) friends the N-word.... We had no idea what it meant, but we could tell it was meant to be offensive, so naturally we got upset and then went around telling our other friends what she said. Finally the one black girl in the complex explained it to us. Super awkward.
BisexualCaveman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:55:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your friend won the Joke Olympics that year.
ForeverAvailable ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:01 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
R u ded?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:50:08 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My 4th grade teacher waited until the black kid went to the bathroom then he wrote the word on the chalkboard.
justmissliz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:07:24 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I played it in Jr. Scrabble. Whoops.
Gamblingmachinse ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 00:29:08 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oppressor. Trigger warning.
Bald_Sasquach ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 21:08:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My younger brother often did this, to my amusement. My favorites were Horny the rhino and Dike the T Rex that would have epic battles in front of company.
contentsugar ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 20:41:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid a teacher the class if anyone knew a country that started with 'N,' and I thought I would look smart if I said 'Niger' but I had only seen the spelling, never the pronunciation.
Batman_Von_Suparman2 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:12:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well to be fair it sounds like they didn't really explain why that was a bad word
SnakeMan448 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:28:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Advice to parents/teachers/whatnot: check first whether the kid actually knows that the word is offensive and/or is using it to be hurtful.
I used to coo at my dog with a w-word which is like the n-word. My dad explained that it's a slur and I've not said it since.
Bad-News ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:50:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What W Word?
Batman_Von_Suparman2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:43:43 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wumbo
djbrookh1 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:52:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
woof?
colombo_o ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:40:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Haha, I used to do this too. It was in like 3rd grade when we were studying suffixes and prefixes and I would try to make up random words and I would ask my parents constantly if this was a word etc. Eventually they had enough of me and bought me a dictionary lol
DubRum ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:36:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In 3d grade we had to draw patterns on a piece of paper for art class.... A few days before, my older bro showed me a swastika...i had about fifty of those fuckers in a sick ass pattern, (not unlike a quilt). I think my 3rd grade teacher still thinks my family are antisemite nazis. Her daughter wasnt allowed to hang out w my sister any more either..
stropes ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:31:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My brother would do something similar when he was 3 years old; he would smash his Hot Wheels together and go "BITCH BITCH BITCH!" When we finally caught him doing it, it just turned out that that's the noise he imagine smashing cars would make.
NotThtPatrickStewart ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:13:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Beer hurts when it comes out your nose
Wookiemom ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:43:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, I did that too, but with people. I'd almost forgotten but your story brought back memories of making names like 'Mamby' for my Aunt and "Jiwang" for our milkman ... darn I don't even remember what name I gave to my sister.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:20:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you Australian?
Sleepwalks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:29:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nope, southern US.
ThreePartSilence ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:48:38 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The first time I saw Niger on a map was in middle school. We had to do reports on countries in Africa. I pointed to it and said "N word, I'll do that one". I had never heard either word before. I was screamed at in front of the class by the teacher and I think I cried.
ralyjo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:32:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When i was in grade school, we had to pick random countries out of a hat, then do a report on the chosen one. I picked Nigeria. Anyone wanna guess how I said that?!
Ratstail91 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:41:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, the innocence of youth.
zesty_tomato ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:03:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'll never understand parents who instantly punish their kids for something like that. Like, shouldn't they assume the kid is clueless as to the meaning? Explaining why you shouldn't say a "bad word" makes more sense than automatically punishing imo.
Tehnobell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:49:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I too had a run in with that word, instead of saying nigeria as a 10 year old i decided to say n-eria and my teacher had me call my parents infant of the principle and other staff
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:50:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You were justified. It is Niger who is wrong.
gloynbyw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:13:08 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My son does this a lot. He especially likes making up nonsense songs called things like "Tanker Wanker". Which is a great thing to have him sing in public.
stevean2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:04:21 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why are you guys censoring yourself? its no offensive if you're not using it to offend someone. What is this? tumblr?
Sleepwalks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:38:31 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Because I felt like it.
YourBoyTomTom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:50:57 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's ok, I named a made up Pokemon Doucheboyata before I knew the word "douche".
What makes it worse is the fact I went around the hotel on vacation loudly practicing the noise it would make, which of course meant just shouting its name.
llampacas ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:26:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 6, my mom and I were in DC driving down a road with fairly crowded sidewalks. There was a hoard of pigeons in the road ahead of us, and I was worried my mom would run them over. I didn't know what to call them, but had heard that birds peck, so I rolled down the window and yelled "GET OUT OF THE ROAD YOU LITTLE PECKERS!". Needless to say my mom was mortified.
LordJosh286 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:59:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Reminds me of something I did when i was 4. My older sister at the time thought itd be funny to let me watch the South Park movie with her friends so I heard all the swearing they unleashed in the movie. Fast forward to a week later I'm at the park where this girl who was known as Crusty Katie and her mom tried to pick a fight with my sister and tried to attack her. So we are on top of the play area with all the slides and fun things like steering wheels to spin so I heard these two yelling at my sister and threatening her. So I feeling justified started calling her a Pig fucker and started singing a glorious ballad to their honor with the song Uncle Fucker. Needless to say my sister is crying from laughter along with her friends who were there to keep me safe. However the mother threatened to shove soap down my god damn throat and slap the shit out of me. At the time however the police showed up a little after i finished the act and arrested her when she threatened me and her daughter too. My parents were horrified and grounded my sister when they found out where i learned the language and explained to me what it meant. Although i didnt start swearing again until senior year of high school but i digress. Moral of the story kids do crazy and hilarious things.
ItsTimeToRambleOn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:50:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Holy crap so did I! I thought I was alone!
Frond_Dishlock ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:09:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of when I was very young, I got a weird little round toy from a fast food restaurant, that looked a bit like a potato with a cape. So I decided I'd give it a made-up Superhero name, -punt was a funny word I thought, so I decided on a rhyme with that, using alliteration with Captain, and loudly declared it in the back seat of the car.
Causing a screech of brakes, and 'what did you just say?'.
I was suspicious that they were having me on since it was such a silly sounding word to be 'one of the worst swear words', and I knew they had jokingly told my brother 'bluebottle' was a bad swearword at one point.
Gimlis_bottom_bitch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:24:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
similar story, in year 4 (about 8-9years old) we had to redesign the cover for The Twits in school. I was so proud of my variation, especially the new title, The Twats.
I wish I could have seen my teachers reaction as the adult that I am now.
loumatic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:12:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to call Pontiac Grand prix the grand pricks. Mom corrected me pretty quickly
Stitchthealchemist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:50:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A pregnant goldfish, of course!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:14:15 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to love drinking TWAT. It was my go-to drink. Then my older brother said I wasn't old enough for it and to stop calling it that. Who knew you had to be over a certain age to drink Tea with a Twist?
potterssuperhero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:36:53 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was in high school when I asked my teacher what a twat was. I truly just thought it was another word for someone who was stupid.
athleticpcnerd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:28:02 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I did the same thing
JAMALDAVIS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:03 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had a similar issue. Apparently the new movie with Ben stiller was not meet the fuckers.
Schtevey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You knew
HuskyForgie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:26:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
whats a twat
adltrs ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:36:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What is a twat?
hoodie92 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:35:54 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Dennis didn't pay me back when I got him a McFlurry, the twat."
"David Cameron is a fucking twat."
"Dennis thinks he looks good with his shutter shades, but he actually looks like a twat."
elemexe ยท 324 points ยท Posted at 16:22:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
wow tbt. isn't that the book where they eat bird pie
supermegaultrajeremy ยท 203 points ยท Posted at 16:49:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Twits. I absolutely love that one.
It's also the one that blatantly lies to children.
self_driving_sanders ยท 122 points ยท Posted at 17:35:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's only a half truth. Always being a grumpy bitch can make a hot body unattractive, and an amazing personality can take an OK person a few rungs up the ladder.
theAlpacaLives ยท 82 points ยท Posted at 18:27:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think it's good that he shows the picture: the happy lady isn't a model -- the point isn't that good people are traditionally attractive, but that having a good attitude and smiling will keep people from thinking of you in super negative terms. If there's anyone you think of firstly as spectacularly ugly, they're probably not someone you like. When people look like the second picture, but they're good, you'll be willing to overlook their facial flaws in favor of their personalities.
StAnonymous ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 20:42:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This would not work for me. I'm legitimately afraid of ugly people. Like, faster pulse, cold sweats, everything afraid of ugly people. It's a little upsetting since some really nice people have the misfortune of being ugly, which makes it so I can't stand to be around them.
edit: It's called Cacophobia. Pairs well with my Trypophobia, I guess.
Auctoritate ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:07:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
TRYPOPHOBIA ISN'T REAL. I'M SORRY BUT I HAD TO SAY IT, IT'S ALL JUST BULLSHIT.
MollyConnollyxx ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:33:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It might not be a real phobia, but the feeling of fear and disgust from weird circular holey patterns is real, and it's nice to have a word for it.
Auctoritate ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:41:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You know, there's a sub for trypophobia. One of the top posts is some dude with maggots and shit burrowing holes into his back.
That doesn't trigger a fucking fear of holes, it triggers a fear of having maggots burrow into your back.
MollyConnollyxx ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:10:31 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Okay, but that isn't a very fair example. I get creepy crawly feelings from looking at the inside of an Aero chocolate bar, which is way less rational than maggot back.
Edit: I found a good example. This plant is totally not threatening, but all those holes make me so fucking uncomfortable I feel like I have to wipe my thumb off from touching it on my phone screen. If I touch something like that for real, it feels like things are crawling on me, and since I'm afraid of bugs that crawly feeling is maddening.
subignition ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:28:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
why are you yelling
Auctoritate ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:32:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'M ANGRY.
youngboomin ยท 50 points ยท Posted at 16:53:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Roald was a lad
Auctoritate ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:11:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As I like to call him, Rold Darl.
jcrreddit ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:29:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"That's not a blatant lie to children! Now The Holocaust however..." -Roald Dahl
theseleadsalts ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:23:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
People who smile are almost always objectively better looking.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:43:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You mean subjectively, being better looking is an opinion.
theseleadsalts ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 20:05:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not quite. On a person to person basis sure. When observing people as a whole, there is a pretty measurable trend in what looks good and what doesn't. The entire design field exists because things can worked around trends and rules that can be agreed upon as pleasing or following a certain aesthetic.
I understand, and agree with what you're saying, but it doesn't hold true on a grand scale.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:13:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well that blew my mind.
SirCarlo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:15:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, its hardly subjective to consider that happier people are more attractive than sad people. Therefore people who are smiling often are considered to be happy and could be objectively considered to be better looking than if they weren't. Your pedantic understanding and interpretation of definitions (which we are all really impressed with) doesn't change that more nuanced fact and use of positive language.
[deleted] ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 20:18:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you always condescending when talking about how words can be used? Silly thing to be condescending about.
SirCarlo ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:19:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You were being contrarian for the sake of being contrarian
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 20:21:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So? It's possible to discuss opposing ideas without being condescending.
SirCarlo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:24:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe you shouldn't be condescending and contrarian next time then
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:25:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wasn't being condescending at any point, and having an opposing viewpoint is how we advance as people. You're using my opposing idea to justify being a dick, which is really weak.
SirCarlo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:32:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That was a really nice positive comment that didn't need any correction, but thank god you came along to let everyone know what's what. Life and language is full of nuance, and logic and literal definitions don't always need to be brutally imposed on other people.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:37:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So instead of addressing the conversation at hand, you'll backtrack with more condescension and exaggeration? Nothing was brutally imposed haha, I'm not a dictator. It's a reddit comment, if you don't like it, downvote it and move on with your life.
You seem like the kind of person that hides behind big words in an attempt to sound educated, while dodging the points you don't want to deal with. I don't even know you, I'm a complete internet stranger, but you've answered condescension with only more condescension, which makes me think talking to you any further is just a waste of time.
SirCarlo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:39:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But why did you feel the need to originally miscorrect that person? Have I not just done exactly what you have? This is been such a pointless interaction and I'm sorry for wasting both of our times with it. Have a nice day.
Icc0ld ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:37:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair that picture doesn't sell it to anybody
dogbert730 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:37:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
sigh...I mean yeah that's obviously bullshit. But the whole point of children's books is to A) teach them to read and B) teach them to not be dicks. If you can't understand the allegory of what this author wrote, well then maybe you didn't read enough children's books growing up.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
See also: the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:57:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dahl wasn't very literal.
mmlovin ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 20:19:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha omg this is the best lie ever. Imagine if people actually believed these things. The world would be so much nicer
boomb0x ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 01:03:55 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like it should have been called the Tumblrs.
coral_tokerbell ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 20:19:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What in the world was that damn page that was ridiculous
Rock_Carlos ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 17:06:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, chicken pot pie is pretty good.
stop_saying_it ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 21:34:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I mean
TheDesktopNinja ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:54:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ahh...Throwback Thsunday.
CheesySocksGuru ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:26:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And worms in spaghetti
thixono ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:48:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
chicken pizza?
stonebit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:47:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yep. He catches them by putting glue on tree branches.
dndtweek89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:44:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yup.
Can't look at glue the same way after reading that book.
NoDoThis ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 16:32:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh I love seeing someone who remembers The Twits! That was one of my faves as a kid, and also what I thought of immediately :)
TouchYourRustyKettle ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:00:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That book is amazing! What an evil bastard!
Noggin-a-Floggin ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:06:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Then says he has to stretch her out so he ties her to the ground, attaches a bunch of balloons to her then cuts the rope and lets her fly away.
Forget The BFG and Fantastic Mr Fox, that was my favorite Roald Dahl book.
the_flying_spaghetti ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:45:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My favorite part is the end, where they actually get the shrinks from standing on their heads.
Noggin-a-Floggin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:22:27 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's like everything your parents bullshitted you about ("cross your eyes and you'll go blind!") came true with that bit.
Mackin-N-Cheese ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:33:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Gaslighting in a children's book?
kickingpplisfun ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:51:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We're talking about an author that regularly featured cannibalism, lewd jokes, and doing terrible things to children- it's unusual overall but not really out of the ordinary for Dahl.
H2C2O4 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:19:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/gaslighting
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:21:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sometimes I wonder if I only know how abusive this is because it's been done to me.
It's all fun and games until it's being done to you, and then you're left questioning your perception and competency until you aren't sure what is and isn't real anymore.
Sharp_Blue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:30:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do you know why your spaghetti was bittah?
Promotheos ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:19:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
IT WAS WORMS, I PUT IN THERE!
Bilal_7_Khan ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:58:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, he added short amounts of wood to his wife's chair so that in the end her legs were so far off the ground that they were dangling
Doverkeen ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:45:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He did both.
jaaykidd ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:40:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It was her walking stick was it it not?
tjtocker ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:24:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cane = Walking Stick :)
ShuffleandTruffle ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:58:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Walking stick as well as shaving off parts of her dining chair I think.
TuxedoIsAJerk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There was a great episode of the Drew Carrey show where Lewis and Oswald were doing this to each other as a prank as well. I think they might have been going the other way and replacing their stuff with tinier and tinier stuff so they thought they were turning into a giant.
m_rt_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:53:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
TIL Google and WebMD has ruined a whole genre of practical jokes
Froddoyo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:03:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For some reason this rings a bell from either elementary or junior high school
Inepta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:05:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
She probably had to visit the shrink afterwards.
Encyphus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:05:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes!!!! I love that book, I'm so disappointed that its one of the few non movie adaptations of Roald Dahl!
the_flying_spaghetti ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:43:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, Disney is doing an adaptation of The BFG, but I've always wanted a movie on the Twits.
fannypacks4ever ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:37:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Haha I'll do the opposite to my kids when they hit high school.
alltheacro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:42:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is probably the best, simple example of gaslighting I think I've ever seen.
the_caveman_chef ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You ve got the Shrinks!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:23:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Twits is FUCKED UP
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:40:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
that book describes my relationship goals
skyshock21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:42:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting
Rapier_and_Pwnard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:58:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Straight up gaslighted her. Nothing says kids book like psychological torture, eh Roald?
firuzef ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:59:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Total gaslighting.
NicotineGumAddict ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:15:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
omg my mom read that to me as a kid! we loved it and bonded over it! never met anyone else familiar with the book!
Twisted14 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:50:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This wasn't actually a reference to anything, and I haven't read that book in a long time. But maybe the idea came from there and stayed in the back of my head for ~15 years. :)
browner87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:52:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And added wooden bits to the end of her cane so that seemed to get higher too. That was a funny old book... In fact another good idea in the book was smearing glue on tree branches. That would confuse someone to suddenly start having a row of birds appear and never leave.
UMPUMN ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:50:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man, taking me down memory lane! I was in a rendition of "The Twits" in high school. I played the Father Monkey.
imnotquitedeadyet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:16:11 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you so much for reminding me the name of that book! It was one of my favorites when I was a kid, and I've been trying to think of the name for a good while!
AliTheAce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:36:09 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have that book, and that's true!
FakingFad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:27:20 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
More like mr twat
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:17:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
yeah but then he would be convincing her that she was growing
13lade88 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:39:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Woah there buddy
youngboomin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ayyyyy well remembered
InjuredSandwich ยท 1139 points ยท Posted at 15:06:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is my favorite so far. It would be totally unnoticeable at first. Then after like 2 months and 4.5" one person would finally lose their shit. "Karen the table is for SURE higher. I'm positive this time". "Clarke, we've been over this. It's just the placebo effect messing with you. You're becoming obsessed. I want you to get help" The fighting would continue as the chairs got lower and lower until they all agreed and acknowledged it or there was a divorce. Edit: changed some wording.
7h3Hun73r ยท 283 points ยท Posted at 16:24:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Relevant https://xkcd.com/666/
WaitinForSatan ยท 64 points ยท Posted at 16:51:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Relevant xkcd number
NoddyDogg ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 17:55:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Relevant user name
jesterbuzzo ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 20:10:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Irrelevant user name
freeyourthoughts ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 20:28:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Actually...
NoddyDogg = Naughty Dog
Naughty Dog is a video game dev that made Uncharted
Uncharted stars the main character Drake
Drake rhymes with Snake
The snake that tempts Eve in the book of Genesis is commonly thought to be Satan
Thus NoddyDogg could quite be WaitinForSatan.
TrueZangetsu ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 21:08:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hope you stretched a lil before you made that leap.
DreadedBread ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:19:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Half-Life 3 confirmed.
biff2204 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:26:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Irrelevant comment
ChrisTheCoolBean ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:27:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Donkey!
ImSpartacus811 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:47:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I immediately thought of this when I saw this thread. Stealth Carpentry FTW!
reddog323 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:08:50 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, that's evil.
doofinator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:11:25 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
every time I click on an XKCD link I end up looking at random comics for a half hour.
7h3Hun73r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:20:21 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just start from the beginning and work your way through. It worth it ๐
[deleted] ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 16:02:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
or being a man and all, he'd take out a tape measure and confirm his suspicion, end of story.
[deleted] ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 17:50:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
OnyxPhoenix ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 18:45:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You are a special kind of evil.
tomatoaway ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:31:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But one day he'll whip out his wang, and wonder why it grows so
Referenced ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:12:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
God damn amateurs.
eviktion ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:13:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Who knows the length of their kitchen chair leg by heart?
rubydrops ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:08:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So that when they go to court to discuss divorce proceeding, you can break in and steal all the shit they were going to split up.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 17:27:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
rubydrops ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Of course, just because you're going through the process of being miserable and alone doesn't mean your mental health will be spared in any way. Your world will fall apart one centimeter at a time.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:23:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
reminds me of a story I read where a guy filled his wife's ketchup bottle for about six months without admitting it, insisting it was magic ketchup until she believed it
dfn85 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:50:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And then replace the chairs with duplicates of the original height.
russellp1212 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:24:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"I want you to get help."
God, this made me laugh way too hard.
ZefMC ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:47:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nocebo *
adamks ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:17:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't actually think either expression is applicable here.
Spidertech500 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:12:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's called gaslighting
ToIA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:44:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well shortening them would make it lower, but yeah it'd go something like that.
XombiePrwn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:07 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Gaslighting
mark1nhu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:48:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I hope this post doesn't get viewed by someone evil trying to gaslight his/her SO.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:11:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or it would last until someone actually looked at the legs and saw damage and fresh cuts.
40WithA30OSRS ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:13:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's golden lol
Cadaver_Fucker ยท 45 points ยท Posted at 15:40:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Roald Dahl's 'The Twits' reference? Great book for children
meganwooow ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 16:23:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And adults, thank you very much :)
Cadaver_Fucker ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:21:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And adolescents, babies, and...corpses. Just a great book
meganwooow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:04:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You should read his short stories if you enjoyed his other books as well. The man was a genius when it came to storytelling. :)
Cadaver_Fucker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:04:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do you mean his earlier stuff? I remember reading one about a rich man who could stare into a candle and subsequently see through cards, and used the ability to win loads of money by gambling, then altruism took hold of him and he donated it all to orphanages or something
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:40 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Cadaver_Fucker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:31:03 on June 28, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I honestly can't remember either friend, haven't read it in like 10 years
monkeybassturd ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 13:48:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This could be the most sinister of all.
--cheese-- ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:50:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Twits features a trick like this one, but it involves slowly lengthening things so that Mrs Twit thinks she's getting shorter.
Azzizzi ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:18:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One leg at a time to ensure maximum wobble each time.
AncientSwordRage ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:55:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds very Roald Dahl
Midgetporn69 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:32:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You truly are twisted.
zhill29 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:57:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And then after you've shaved a good 6" of replace them with new full height chairs.
zombiemakemelol ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:20:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me of my favorite episode of It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, Charlie Work. Charlie bangs Dees chair repeatedly against the ground and when she sits in it, it collapses.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:18:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Better yet, do the chairs too, so they just start sinking closer to the ground each meal.
bplboston17 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:46:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
lol when they are sitting at like 3 feet..
JAH_1315 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:59:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd say to do one or the other. I like the idea of just increasing the length of the chairs legs(a lot of work, but I like it better)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Same, but do it to all their furniture. Also replace all their clothes with smaller ones so they think they're growing larger.
Unco_Slam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:59:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's diabolical
Therearenopeas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Brilliant.
Brainlessdad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:40:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I did this once to a desk at school... hilarity ensued
mckinneymd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:27:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of a riddle where the shortest man in the world kills himself after the second shortest man keeps shortening his bed's legs, little by little, each night.
The only thing the shortest man had going for him was being the shortest man, and couldn't bear the thought of losing his ranking.
I think the riddle is something like - a man is found dead in his room, with no signs of a murder weapon, and only sawdust under his bed. You then have to answer who was he and how did he die. It was from a game called "Crack the Case".
webmistress105 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:29:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stealth carpentry
aufdie87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just one of them though
twisted34 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You must be an earlier model.
joopitermae ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:07:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Disneyland's tiki bar, Trader Sam's, has several randomly placed barstools that slowly sink as you are sitting in them. Most people don't notice until their friends are all sitting above them.
ganglydav ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:11:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd hide a shit in there somewhere
dillondakuyoung ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck yeah, gaslight their ass.
sixdicksinthechexmix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:25:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I sawed the bottom 3 inches off of my roommate's chair in college with a leatherman while he was in class. I should have done it bit by bit, as he noticed as soon as he sat in it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:36:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My boyfriend said something similar... Add a piece of balsa wood to one leg in each chair and table so everything wobbles.
No_Mercy_4_Potatoes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:56:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When the top comment has more upvote than the actual post!!
out_for_shawarma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:08:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always was partial to adding weight to the underside of a chair. Slowly add a little at a time while the person using the chair becomes accustomed to the weight. Then remove all the weight at once, causing them to send said chair flying every time they stand up from the table.
evilspyboy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:12:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I did this to someones desk and chair... there were 2 people sharing an adjustable height desk in a call centre. One would get in early and jack it all the way up and the other one would be in later and be annoyed then jack it all the way down when they left.
So over the course of a month i lowered both the desks and the chairs til they were at the lowest setting. I needed a hobby.
howsilly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:22:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My family was visiting a theme park restaurant when I, the smallest of three kids, noticed that the table was slowly but surely rising. Everyone thought I was nuts until 5 mins later their plates were closer to their face as well, and we asked the waiter. He laughed an confirmed-- it's a trick table! It lowered mechanically down to it's starting position and I felt so dang smug.
FlippehFishes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:36:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So but this wont work on me. Everyone in my house takes their food and either sits on the couch or eats in their rooms. Try again!
silver-7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:51:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would just do one leg, so they go crazy and fix it just in time for you to cut it down again
Lilwolf2000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:54:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Like when Jim added weight slowly to Dwight's phone receiver... then after months, took the extra weight out so Dwight smacked himself in the face!
Always play the long con!
Fiishbait ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:08:24 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Seeing as we shrink with age, would anyone notice?
& if they did, surely they`d be thankful :D
Haitchpeasauce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:31:44 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of the Office how Jim slowly moved Dwight's desk, or added pennies to his phone before taking them all out.
_steven42_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:01:26 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Didn't Jim do that to Dwight's desk in the office?
JNoble_22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:26:26 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just one at a time tho
Del370z ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:34:11 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:43:50 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like the Mansion family.
bungalowstreet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:57:19 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jokes on you! My dining room only gets used like, every other Thanksgiving! I wouldn't even see them until they were already noticeably short.
Pastywhitebitch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:53:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't this a Ronald Dahl short story?
NoDoThis ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:33:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Roald*
hehateme429 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:02:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Office reference? When Jim moves Dwight's desk back half an inch a day.
Doverkeen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Twits
Raquel930 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:59:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Seems like something Jim from the Office would do
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:03:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Brilliant!
HellaOhs ยท 4904 points ยท Posted at 12:45:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place a positive pregnancy test on their bedside table.
jicty ยท 4411 points ยท Posted at 14:20:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
bonus points if you do this at a gay couples house.
Fireproofjeans ยท 1762 points ยท Posted at 14:54:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Girls or guys, works great for both honestly.
I was about to say "WHAT ABOUT LESBIANS" but then I realized that would be even worse.
[deleted] ยท 1170 points ยท Posted at 15:52:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Fireproofjeans ยท 878 points ยท Posted at 16:08:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hello darkness my old frieeennd...
Roadworx ยท 53 points ยท Posted at 16:10:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have arrived to converse with you once more...
beardenstine ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 16:26:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No! Bad roadworx bad!
RoseGrewFromConcrete ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 16:41:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Due to a sight so calmingly eerie...
SomeRandomUserGuy ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 16:54:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It made me fall upwards into a tree
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 19:23:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
and the sight that was inculcated in my hippocampus, remains in my skull
fireork12 ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 19:30:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The fact I'm still reading this as the actual song is messing with my head
unstable_supernova ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:43:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Inside of the absence of noise
VulpesFennekin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:55:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In nervous visions, I traveled solo
SomeRandomUserGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:22:52 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Undersized walkways consisting of small amounts of sedimentary rock
VulpesFennekin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:57:39 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Inferior to halation from a public light fixture
SomeRandomUserGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:08:05 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I repostitioned myself out of the path of the photons being emitted
VulpesFennekin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:38 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Upon whence my retinas were pierced by the blaze of atomic number 10
SomeRandomUserGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:51:58 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Which caused the molecules in the troposphere around me to diverge, creating two equally sized parts
DaRealHitler ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:50:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Due to a visual experience that quietly moves in the forward direction...
AraEnzeru ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:55:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
http://youtu.be/u9Dg-g7t2l4
jacksonnobody ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:44:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've made a huge mistake
Lupin_AAGL ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:58:57 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Michaelllll
Pestillent_dog_2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:03:07 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've come to cry in you again...
jarjums ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:23 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Whoa, I was totally listening to that song while reading your comment. Scarier than expected.
Mr-Briteside ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:59:41 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've come to fuck with you againnnn
bijhan ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 19:12:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a gay trans person, this made me laugh HARD. Perfect example that you don't have to be offensive to make a good joke involving oppressed minorities.
--cheese-- ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 19:15:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you aware of /r/transgendercirclejerk? Some posts veer towards the offensive, but most are pretty brilliant without punching down on anyone - it's a great place to blow off some steam about issues that you can't really discuss in more seriously moderated trans spaces.
bijhan ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:26:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you!
flutterguy123 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:58:00 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
that sub is amazing.
GoddamnSusanBoyle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:09:28 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As the partner of a trans person who has a really excellent sense of humor...I needed this so bad.
_Lady_Deadpool_ ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 16:19:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If they've progressed any chances are they'd be as sterile as a doctor's office
nikkitgirl ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:07:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Although some do stop taking hormones for an extended period of time to regain fertility. Then there's the fact that we should assume whichever we don't want at the time. Some people lose all fertility quickly, some keep some of it.
lavafisherman ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 16:53:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Eh not quite. You can usually regain fertility by going off hormones for a few months. And hormones themselves are hardly foolproof as birth control in this case; it's just a side effect. (Thank you for indulging my pedantry).
_Lady_Deadpool_ ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 17:09:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Iirc you only regain fertility if you stop early on, and even then it may not be full. After a few months it's basically chemical castration.
Fun fact, estrogen+testosterone blockers would make a GREAT male birth control- as long as you don't mind the side effects.
(I'm also trans, beyond sterile after a few years)
I_chose2 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:40:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So I can get birth control and boobs? If it will make my hair grow back, we might have a deal
_Lady_Deadpool_ ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 17:49:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, it changes your hairline and minimizes the risk for male pattern baldness
CharsmaticMeganFauna ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:56:48 on July 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
...Actually, I've gotten some hair regrowth since starting HRT. Just sayin'
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:02:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
No it doesn't work like that. Going on those hormones effectively sterilize them.
Source: Am Transgender, looked into this subject matter.
You're not being pedantic you're just spreading your misinformation.
--cheese-- ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 18:19:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's in no way a guarantee, and trans people still have to pay attention to birth control to avoid pregnancy.
It's not likely that someone will be fertile after being on hormones for any length of time, but it's plenty possible - possible enough to justify making a silly joke about, at least!
Source: also trans, so you can't pull that card on me! ;)
hijinga ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:07:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Trans party!
LassieBeth ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:17:48 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Too late for one more?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait a minute... My doctor basically told me that it was a no go. I didn't ask because I wanted kids. Just in case I eventually wanted some.
How far along HRT are you? I didn't start yet, it's not like my body can masculinize any more right :(
Notethreader ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:31:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's really more of something doctors say so that you don't get false hope. I've been on HRT for 3 years and there is still a chance that fertility could return if I went off them for an extended period of time. There will be a much lower sperm count than before, but it's still possible. It's just better to be excited and happy that you actually can, than to be disappointed because someone gave you false hope.
lavafisherman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:12:02 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just repeating what my doctor told me (also trans). I'm sure there's not enough research to really say for sure how likely it is.
indigo121 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:16:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Honey I found a positive pregnancy test on our bedside! In pregnant!!!"
"Wait found? When did you take it and leave it on the bedside?"
wordsworths_bitch ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:05:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And you laugh, because you have achieved your goal.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:50:49 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
While sperm count does decrease on estro and spiro, you are still viable. You still have the potential to reproduce. There are a few documented cases of child born from trans women "fathers," though they do usually subside the HRT for a short time, if they are actively trying.
There are also a few documented cases of trans women breast feeding, and no known issues as a result of.
[deleted] ยท -38 points ยท Posted at 17:36:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you have your own penis and use it for sex, I don't think you qualify as a lesbian.
Aceroth ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 18:12:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You'd be wrong. Trans women can be lesbians.
lumpymattress ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 18:22:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Source: me
Aceroth ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 18:31:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Like, I know reddit tends towards transphobia, but it's a whole nother level of ignorant to straight up deny the existence of trans lesbians
[deleted] ยท -17 points ยท Posted at 19:23:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You'd be wrong. If you're a biological man that likes biological women, you're just a hetereosexual.
On a side note, I think it's ridiculous that you want to use liberal cultural definitions to call someone else "wrong" for not agreeing with them. Those ideas are based in politics/culture, not fact.
--cheese-- ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 20:14:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And the opinions of the vast majority of highly educated medical professionals - are you saying that those hold no weight either?
hijinga ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:09:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You know what else is based in politics/culture and not fact? The entire English language and the words we use to describe things.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:09:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's not how it works.
[deleted] ยท -21 points ยท Posted at 18:11:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, it is. XY chromosomes and a penis? You're a man. If you identify as a woman, you're just a man who identifies as a woman. If you fuck women with your penis, you're not even identifying as a woman very well.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 18:20:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Who ever said you have to be fully transitioned to be a lesbian? Not everyone can afford bottom surgery, that doesn't change how they identify and present themselves. Being a lesbian isn't just based on sex, it can also be based on gender.
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 19:20:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/homosexual
The definition of homosexual, and thus lesbian, are based on sex. Not gender.
To use an example, imagine you fucked a girl that was dressed up as a guy. Would that be gay sex? Of course not. You put your penis in a vagina, that's hetereosexual sex. It doesn't matter what gender the woman wants to identify as.
lumpymattress ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:54:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If that's what it says, that definition is wrong. I'm a lesbian. I'm attracted to the female gender, it has nothing to do with their sex. If a woman has a penis, I would be just as attracted to her as if she didn't. Body parts have nothing to do with it.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 02:39:29 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You don't get to decide how such things are defined. Some people think they're parents of dogs. They're wrong too.
lumpymattress ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:38:24 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Then neither do you, or anyone else. I'm as qualified as anyone to say what a word means.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:18:17 on June 28, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Clearly you don't. You don't get to change what's been the meaning because you don't like it. That's what the word has meant for a long time. Your feelings don't change that. My feelings doubt either. That's just what it means, and you're wrong.
lumpymattress ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:39:46 on June 30, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
HAHAHAHAHA Just because something has been one way for a long time doesn't mean it's right. Slavery was cool for a long time, remember? Things change. I didn't decide that was what it meant, and neither did my "feelings". Gender-specific attraction has been around longer than the English language. Also, another definition of homosexuality: "Homosexuality is romantic attraction, sexual attraction or sexual behavior between members of the same sex or *gender\*."
RoboNinjaPirate ยท -13 points ยท Posted at 19:39:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
FTFY. Removing the penis is just a man who has mutilated himself.
supergauntlet ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 20:35:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Reddit is a liberal website"
EditorialComplex ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:00:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sometimes I think SRS has a point.
SexyWhitedemoman ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:26:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's worth pointing out that he's got negative karma for those comments.
hijinga ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:10:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You don't have to stray far to find a subreddit where he'd be upvoted a ton though.
SexyWhitedemoman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:20:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Good point
xereeto ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:16:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ahem
RoboNinjaPirate ยท -20 points ยท Posted at 19:36:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Man.
The word you are looking for is man. Mentally disturbed, but still male.
Xiretza ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 19:49:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh piss off.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:52:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
> calls other people mentally disturbed
>subscribes to advice animals
nikkitgirl ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 19:57:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a trans woman dating another trans woman I'm pretty sure we'd freak out before remembering that neither of us is capable of getting pregnant, let alone impregnating each otherโฆ
rieh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:50:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It can also be an indicator for major health problems. Testicular cancer in guys.
staarkiid ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 17:02:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"what's this?"
"Ha.. honey we're pregnant. And it's yours!"
...
"Dude we're gay"
"I'll pack my stuff now"
HeyItsAmberP ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:57:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If I found a pregnancy test at my house, I wouldn't even be mad.
Okay, I would. Depends on which one of us is the pregnant one. Maybe both?
Kylesmomabigfatbtch ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 16:09:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
'Gay couple' means same sex, not exclusively guys.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:47:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's often used specificly when talking about male same sex couples.
Meaning of words change depending on how they are used.
Fireproofjeans ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 21:22:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You are not wrong, but often it's used specifically for male couples.
Given that it's a pregnancy test, the contextually obvious gag is that they're both dudes.
Byeforever ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:43:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The terminology seems to function like Spanish plural nouns(and probably other Romance languages, I've only taken a significant amount Spanish though), where mixed groups take the masculine word form (as well as an all male group), but if you have an all female group, it changes to the feminine form and only in that case.
topsecreteltee ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:11:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The guys were just doing a cancer test, no big deal.
MyersVandalay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:51:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
works the worse on guys who have no lives though. I mean had it happened to me in my early 20s, I might have said wtf who brought this into my house, but a total lack of any possibility other than someone messing with me could have existed.
fullmetalpopsical ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:14:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
'Looks like they make dillys with jizz these days'
Snoyarc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:08:23 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This scenario with lesbians would be absolutely hilarious.
SJHillman ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 14:54:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or a couple in their 80s.
Deltas111213 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:12:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One of them better go to the doctor to get checked out...
xXdeathstar101Xx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:32:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
DAE PROSTATE?!
ducky29 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:31:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Prostate cancer
ThundercuntIII ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:48:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or a duck's nest!
Dunderost ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:29:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
yay cancer!
JohnnyHendo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:37:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put one in a lonely single person's house to send them into a spiraling depression.
jicty ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:09:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
as someone who was ready to settle down and have a family till my girlfriend left because she said she couldn't see having a family with... ouch...
conalfisher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:31:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
fun fact: a positive pregnancy test from a male is a sign of testicular cancer.
Curiositykillstigers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:57:36 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If it showed up positive they probably have prostate cancer (or maybe it was testicular, but that is a thing something about similar levels of hormones)
monkeybassturd ยท 858 points ยท Posted at 13:47:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No drop it right next to the garbage can in the bathroom so it looks like she tried to hide it.
denhelder ยท 1068 points ยท Posted at 14:53:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Along with some condom wrappers for a brand they don't use. If you're going to create trust issues, you might as well not hold back.
hehateme429 ยท 57 points ยท Posted at 16:13:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This thread is getting dark
B5D55 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 17:38:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And I love it
pentha ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 17:03:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jokes on you, I already know about my wife's boyfriend
DasJuden63 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:32:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Found the cuck
drownedmachines ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:06:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This guy cucks.
FortunateMammal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:51:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The only time I will ever upvote this phrase.
Kitbixby ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:06:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Throw some undergarments that are the wrong size in the laundry
Graffy ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:25:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Double extra large ones.
snuff3r ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:38:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm pretty sure there's a slight time lapse betwen the failed condoms and the pregnancy test.
/2 kids
Mksiege ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:15:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Please tell me the username is not relevant
snuff3r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:33:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I like sesame street :)
PureChaosDI ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:37:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
oh, hey Satan, didn't know you reddited.
SomeRandomUserGuy ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:55:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Paging /u/satan
NotWhoYouSummoned ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 16:58:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yep, totally reddit all the time.
SomeRandomUserGuy ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 17:58:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait you aren't- oh.
AdmAkbar_2016 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:40:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or some condoms with holes poked in the center. The guy will think that she is trying to get pregnant.
cloud9ineteen ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:00:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ejaculate into a condom and leave it in the trash while you're at it. Why hold back?
xThoth19x ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:27:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
DNA evidence that someone broke in.
QuietPewPew ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:16:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But poke holes in the wrappers so it looks like the wife was trying to get pregnant by the lover.
uberman5304 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:12:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But...
How do you know what brand they use?
denhelder ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:14:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Because unlike school kids, you did your homework.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:34:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
kobrahawk1210 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:47:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a guy with a beard, I can vouch that hair just gets stuck in it no matter what. I've found co-worker's hair trapped in my beard before and don't touch them other than shaking hands, it's absurd.
Razors_egde ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:58:00 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why not just a used, dry inside, like there was a bare back finish.
HITLERS_SEX_PARTY ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:05:39 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
then sprinkle some crack, and call the cops
rainbow_spunk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:14:00 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
With holes punched in them.
mattbladez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:51:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Because condoms lead to positive pregnancy tests?
Semmlbroesel ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 16:58:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just rip one
B5D55 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:39:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That how we gonna populate the earth again
NoddyDogg ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 18:12:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you stupid? Like, this is an honest question...
chris92253 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 16:44:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is only in theory, satan.
Mindofbrod ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:54:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Evil. Pure evil.
Defavlt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:51:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's how you hide stuff?
monkeybassturd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:05:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tried
DrC8H10N4O2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:16:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
don't forget one broken "used" condom at the bottom of a different trash can that is rarely used.
Jaylegend22 ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 14:05:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
God damn that ain't right.
B5D55 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:40:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I love it , it's easy and effective .. Just call after 2 hours and tell them it's prank , bro
ultitaria ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:14:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A positive pregnancy test... time to post a weird Craigslist ad
bum_weasel ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:31:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The question is "Is it worse for a married couple who don't want kids, a single man living alone or a single woman living alone?
TJ497 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:23:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Single man, no question. The women can just check again.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:29:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A male gay couple would be so confused.
Tynach ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:02:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Depending on the couple, they might use it as a prop for their next roleplay scenario.
ferretflip ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:29:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Even better: it's a bachelor's pad
SaneCoefficient ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:40:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not cool bro
Wilreadit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:32:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Better place a live baby in their house.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:40:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For best results, do this for a gay couple
Abr105 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:05:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is fucked up and hilarious.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:04:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well that would be weird if the woman was older than 50.
stryder66 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:09:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus...i would have a heart attack. That would be murder.
CaptainUnderrated ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or some other girl's bra
kickingpplisfun ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:09:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Better yet, a lacy thong, even if it doesn't cause questions of cheating.
kickingpplisfun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:06:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or a used condom on the lip of the trash can.
Dinxton ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:11:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldn't be suprised if there was a dark web marketplace for those.
gamer8321 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:30:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like this would work the best if the husband can't have children or if you put it in the teen daughter's room
Viperbunny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:32:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have no uterus, just a single ovary. If I found a positive pregnancy test I wouls be joking with my husband about the fact we were going to have to raise his mistress' baby as our own.
bigdickpuncher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:57:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Even more spectacularly make one of them pregnant.
laurenrm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:51:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Step 1: Find pregnant woman
Yazbremski ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:01:23 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't do it on the table. Just do it on the very top of every garbage can in their house.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:55:11 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Easy There satan.
trexmaster_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:32:58 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How would you do that. Find a positive pregnancy test, or find a pregnant girl that's willing to pee on the stick...?
Ken-_-Adams ยท 9874 points ยท Posted at 13:35:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My friend and I have yet to implement a scheme similar to this. We intend to plant carrots in a friends garden and return regularly in the night to water them.
I can only imagine his confusion in 3 months when he has a row of carrots growing in his garden.
That_Deaf_Guy ยท 2364 points ยท Posted at 14:27:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Arrange the carrots so they spell a message once they've grown.
Agonze ยท 3425 points ยท Posted at 14:44:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
apparaatti ยท 544 points ยท Posted at 16:44:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
CLINT, huh... Who's Clint?
amdc ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 19:53:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/keming
i_spot_ads ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:15:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Clint for president
foxh8er ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:48:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Empty chair for VP
its_hello_goodbye ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:18:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Clinton?.... Illuminati confirmed
decarvalho7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:31:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm just watching Back To The Future part III lol
magi093 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:54:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
number four, duh
suicidal_duckface ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:22:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He's a famous pom star.
littlebetenoire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:29:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My partners step-father is named Clint and at Christmas time someone had written "CLINT" in capitals on all his presents and it looked exactly like CUNT.
PuddleBucket ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:48 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think that was the joke. There's a fairly popular photo of a Starbucks cup with that on it.
littlebetenoire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:54:31 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No my partners grandma is just old and can't see well. She didn't realise what she'd written.
Trainzack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:17 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He plays the oboe.
ClintSeafood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:23:04 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sup
MxM111 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:37:11 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your next president?
apparaatti ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:04:58 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Nah, our current and most likely next president will be this guy
Edit: link
comfy_socks ยท 60 points ยท Posted at 15:07:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cunt carrots are hilarious to me lol
LogicCure ยท 60 points ยท Posted at 15:55:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your girlfriend finds them more utilitarian than hilarious.
Lycanther-AI ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 15:58:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ha ha jokes on you he doesn't have a girlfriend
klinestife ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 16:24:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes I do. OUR LOVE IS REAL, YOU JUST DONT UNDERSTAND! NOBODY UNDERSTANDS!
Snote85 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 20:13:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
RealDoll owner confirmed.
comfy_socks ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 16:58:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're right. I have a husband.
melten006 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:16:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
U wot m8?
takeachillpill666 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:56:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
we done got bamboozled
JustAnotherPanda ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:25:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Doesn't mean you can't have a girlfriend too
neon_cabbage ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:18:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not since she met Mr. Carrot...
RENEgadeRSO ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:24:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
She lives in Canada. She doesn't believe in social media.
weeabootrash420 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:18:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sucks for u i cant read english.
Agonze ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:22:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Good to know you can type english though
weeabootrash420 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:39:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Speak up i cant hear you.
Agonze ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:22:26 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
PULL OUT
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:31:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
https://youtu.be/mIRbjmdwww4
TheFlyingTunaMan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:23:43 on July 3, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you. I was waiting for this.
MizzuzRupe ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:24:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, I was thinking "poop" but that works too.
Aeon_Mortuum ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:48:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
MrGlayden ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:17:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Carrunt
Turbo_Megahertz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:28:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're shit at dying.
Teddybomb ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:03:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What has 2 dicks and fucked your mom?
(too far?)
Agonze ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:23:02 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Carrots?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:34:05 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"You're a shit at dying"
DopeDealerForKids ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:49:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was going to suggest carrot, but this is fewer letters and easier to pull off.
supershinythings ยท 985 points ยท Posted at 14:39:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
GOD SEZ HI
Spandian ยท 673 points ยท Posted at 17:51:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
BUILD AN ARK
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 20:59:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
SarcasticGiraffes ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 21:32:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just below that, in peas,
NativeJim ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:21:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
IF YOU BUILD IT THEY WILL COME
DrawnM ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:53:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
MAKE JESรS PAY FOR IT
Coal121 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:50:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Burma-shave
SuchCoolBrandon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:56:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OUT OF CARROTS
wenchytiem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:54:47 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Riiiiiight. What's an ark?
jonicrecis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:02:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
TEN FEET HIGHER
bas ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 00:09:38 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This comment caused me to snarf beer (Sweetwater IPA). Well done!
sanbikinoraion ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 16:35:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Even better THERE IS NO GOD
mmchale ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:42:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
THIS IS GOD, KENT.
GrayDawnDown ยท 571 points ยท Posted at 14:49:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This! Please do HELP ME or I'M BURIED HERE. They'll never garden again!
munstermaaash ยท 568 points ยท Posted at 15:33:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That or simply, "DIG."
kurai_tori ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 19:58:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Okay this, but first, get a plastic skeleton (something like this https://www.skeleton-factory.com/mr-thrifty-skeleton-4th-quality-33-5-tall-without-stand-c-100005) and bury it in their garden. Then plant green onion bulbs (pick up green onions and cut off and plant the bottom inch or so, cover the top with a lil bit of dirt) and plant them so they spell out "DIG".
Muhahaha
LackofGravitaz ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:55:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Great Kevin Bacon movie. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-BFyHc66Hs
Nigel_-_Thornberry ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:47:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Suddenly it turns into a Stephen King novel
tuxedoburrito ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:45:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I can dig that
sssh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:46:32 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hah... I get it, because Digg is dead and it's buried there...
booksblanketsandtea ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:09:21 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I like this one, it adds more mystique to the already weird situation
ismo420 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:11:04 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But first you have to bury a body.
Myschly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:18:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think we have a winner.
Razzmataz11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:22:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
HELP US
Suicinethrowaway ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:11:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Haunted by the carrot planting spirit of a low tier LCS team.
castlite ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:01:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ALIVE BELOW
SueZbell ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:10:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
SOS
Trinitykill ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:31:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If there is room in their garden for you to spell out the words "I'm buried here" with carrots chances are they don't garden anyway.
pulling_me_forward ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:13:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Some places refer to their entire yard/lawn as a garden.
3jt ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:02:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
WHATS UP DOC
WhisperScream92 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:45:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
FRANCIS
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:11:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
hairy_gogonuts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:57:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
shh brb?
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:19:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is more common than people think: http://i.imgur.com/2WgpTSU.jpg
reallyrabidbilly ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:25:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or...arrange them so they spell said message but big, so that only overflying aircraft can read them.
Edit: Suggestion: "HELP! POLICE!"
LucasLeArtist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:18:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He would need to have a pretty big garden.
ARTexplains ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:15:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Their social security number
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:29:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
zrvwls ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:33:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you really want to freak them out, make it say "LEAVE"
TXRiverRat ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:54:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plant them in the shape of dickbutt
10TAisME ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:02:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put in a date, then a big X beneath it
WildLudicolo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:53:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
FRANCIS
Schintboyjones ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:42:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
FRANCIS
Luigimario280 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:01:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/gravityfalls/images/2/2a/Bewarb.png/revision/20130706220625
unholy_abomination ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:38:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
REVENGE
iamsuprmn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:04:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Duck Season
guitargler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
biglipbastard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
PADDY'S HAVE RESPECT IDIOTS. I AM LEGEND
fuzznacht ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:42:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"What's up doc?"
Makalash ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:22:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're not the only one living here.
fireofsev ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:01:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
SNEK IS HERE
tru_gunslinger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:28:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plant them in the shape of a dick.
mr_candles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:29:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
CARROTS
AmericanMustache ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:39:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Be sure to drink your Ovaltine
juanacape ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:22:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
GENIUS
M-94 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:37:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or the face of Jesus. Make mad bank selling lemonade to pilgrims. Then sell individual carrots like they were chips of the cross.
SoulFire6464 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:44:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
TRUMP 2016
Do it in the garden of a hardcore liberal. Or, for conservatives, CLINTON 2016.
ThatImmigrant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:36:08 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
death
Lacey_Von_Stringer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:23:19 on October 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"EAT ME"
That_Deaf_Guy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:45:31 on October 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you following me?!
pakrat ยท 6941 points ยท Posted at 14:19:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do radishes. Easier to grow but same results, and they are ready in about a month.
hometowngypsy ยท 1006 points ยท Posted at 15:18:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My neighbor randomly created a garden in my front yard one day when I was at work. He didn't tell me or leave a note, so I was totally confused. I thought someone had hired contractors to do that and they got the wrong yard. It was a couple months before I ran into him again and he told me it had been him.
He planted pansies at first, but then removed them all and planted tomatoes. But the tomatoes got killed by hail so now there are marigolds out there. He always does this work when I'm at the office, so just come home to see what the garden fairy has done today.
snapmyhands ยท 515 points ยท Posted at 21:05:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Our elderly neighbours once did something similar. They were feeding our cats every day while we were on holiday and we came home to find that the husband had pressure-washed the drive, mown the lawn, turned the soil in the borders and planted flowers there. It was so sweet that we overlooked the fact that he'd also put his spade right through the tv cable that was running underground.
[deleted] ยท 347 points ยท Posted at 22:27:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bet he was digging for treasure accidentally hit the cable and had to do all that work to cover it up.
[deleted] ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 00:23:45 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
jarfil ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:41:15 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or looking for a body.
yelsew007 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:10:09 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Looking for the booty
Chocolatefix ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:58:26 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or burying a body.
Stencils294 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:42:46 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jokes on him. Thats where I hide bodies not treasure.
frothface ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:00:06 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If it was buried that shallow, he probably did you a favor.
weehawkenwonder ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:57:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Care to switch sweet TV cable cutting neighbors for the devils spawn living above me? Siiigh sounds like Oz ...
catmaths ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:14:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We also live beneath a small demon. We've spoken to the parents before and met the kid- seriously the most active rambunctious kid I have ever met in my life. There's nothing the parents can do to get him to sit still aside from strapping him down or beating him (neither of which are really options lol)
So since he rules the roost here we affectionately refer to him as TD, or the Tiny Dictator.
Shadowex3 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 09:19:40 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So what you're saying is he's an ordinary small boy.
catmaths ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:44:19 on June 28, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lol normally I would agree but this kid, man. Something else entirely.
fullmetalpopsical ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 22:12:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Better than putting his left spade through it
sveitthrone ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 22:21:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, you tried.
theBaconBadger ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:35:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
he did try. well done to him. keep at it, fella!
M-94 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:27:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I can smell the pot you smoked before writing this all the way to Norway.
whyhellotherejim ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 15:53:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You don't seem mad at all, but this might actually come across as rude to a lot of people.
hometowngypsy ยท 56 points ยท Posted at 17:27:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He's an old man and seems to mean well. But it is very odd.
Vanitie ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 20:09:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds lonely a little and like he might want to do something for someone else. Or he's just odd but I'm going with the first option.
Manisil ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 21:25:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe he's building a case to seize your property "I've been out here for months gardening and he hasn't said shit"
EnnuiOver9000 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:33:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That was exactly my thought too. It's sad that that's even a thing.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:28:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Really?
EnnuiOver9000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:16:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adverse_possession
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:17 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Garden is 9/10ths of the law.
Erik_The_Cleric ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:58:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do u live in a place with lack of gardens? Maybe he's an avid gardener and needs more room to Have his fun ๐
gtwreck45 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:30:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I could imagine some people being offended, but this would remove the #1 barrier to entry for my interest in gardening.
DabbinDubs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:56:08 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
what's that the gardening part?
RiotingMoon ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 18:37:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds like a brilliant show... and if a garden succeeded you'd get free food.
badsparrow ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:37:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did you post about this in /r/relationships
hometowngypsy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:46:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A while ago, yeah.
pm_me_mean_things ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 22:05:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hit your lawyer, delete your gym, facebook up
jabbaji ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:41:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Buy him a farm.
corruptcake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:58:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm so jealous. I can't get shit to grow. I recently moved to a new house that has window boxes, I was so excited I went out and bought new flowers for them before I had even unpacked all my boxes. They all died. I cant get anything else to live either. I have the black thumb of death. I would love for your plant fairy to come to my house!
hometowngypsy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:29:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm struggling so hard to keep the garden around my house (that was there when I bought it) to live. It's a lot of work.
The little garden my neighbor built is easy. I just water it every other day or so and those flowers are happy. The ones I planted are far less hardy, apparently. They wilt if I'm a few hours late to water them.
Turtledonuts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:15:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You should do something nice for him as thanks. Bring him fruit baskets or something. Start a niceness competition, friendly of course. Make a new friend! He'd probably love to come over for dinner sometime or something.
hometowngypsy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:27:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I bring him cookies a lot! I'm not home often for dinner, but I'll work up the courage eventually to invite him over (I'm such an introvert).
Turtledonuts ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:39:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do it! do cards after dinner, get nice wine, and talk to him! Act like you're excited and happy to do something and you become happy and excited to do something.
Joejoejoebob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:37:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plot twist, you're in New Zealand
EndlessEnds ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:47:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He wants to garDen for you.
yougotittoots ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:55:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
lol so he continues to do this even though you know its him? Wonder how long before the body gets discovered :P
x0mi07 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:40:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're the girl from the relationship sub, right? What's the update on your situation?
hometowngypsy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:35:21 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah that's me. No update really, I've been insanely busy (work, then teaching swim lessons after work) so I don't get home until 8:30 most nights and leave at 6:30 am. I saw him briefly when I was leaving after checking in on the new roof installation, but no contact otherwise.
When things calm down I'll try and check up on him. The flowers he planted have flourished. The ones I planted in my original gardens are hanging on by a leaf to life. So props to him for knowing the correct flowers to plant for survival in Texas heat.
x0mi07 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:57:26 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for the update. I hope you and your neighbor get on alright. :)
Craziest_Cat_Lady ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:45:44 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is a really sweet story, and it's probably just someone being friendly, but it wouldn't hurt to check your local adverse possession laws. In some places, land that someone takes care of belongs to them after a certain number of years, but the details vary a lot.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:39:27 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is much nicer than what my neighbor does. He cuts his own grass at minimum twice a week. Sometimes more. He's very obsessed with his yard. When I moved in he tried to convince me to pay to have new sod and grass placed on the existing yard. I was like, nah, it's already got some chill looking grass so I'm gonna leave it be. He also filed a complaint with the HOA about my shrubs "being out of control" the same day I closed on the house.
He filed a complaint about the height of my grass once (within a week of me living there) but the HOA sent me a letter about it and said they actually sent someone over to look at it and found it to be more than adequately trimmed.
Anyway, if I don't cut my grass once a week he gets on his zero-turn mower and cuts my grass for me. He's never talked to me about it. I started counting the days to get to that number. It's like clockwork. I can only assume he sees me cut the grass and checks his calendar to make a note of it. It's very bizarre and more than a little passive aggressive. He'll do it whether I'm out of the house or not.
He's only 32 years old. He has a wife and two children and he spends most of his time landscaping his (tiny) yard.
changeneverhappens ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:06:51 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did you post on r/relationships about that? I swear I saw that story a while ago.
lilikiwi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:07:48 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why, though?
Blind_Sypher ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 21:59:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your neighbour didnt do this. You watched the joe rogan podcast with david choe where he discusses doing this. You have to lie to sound cool to strangers. What a shame.
hometowngypsy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:26:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I can assure you- my neighbor did this. I have a small, circular garden in my front yard that I did not put there. And the only podcast I listen to is Nerdist or Serial.
He's an old man who enjoys gardening and I guess wanted to do something nice for me. I don't know why he doesn't garden in his own yard, but he did a great job in mine.
angreesloth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:30:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you a hostful fan?
friglesnart ยท 5195 points ยท Posted at 14:23:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And fucking terrible compared to carrots.
pakrat ยท 867 points ยท Posted at 14:26:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you harvest them early, radishes are good and don't have any "bite" to them.
girzim23 ยท 985 points ยท Posted at 14:34:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I actually enjoy the bite
its_never_too_SUNE ยท 612 points ยท Posted at 14:55:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
;)
naufalap ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 15:33:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)
GarethPW ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:26:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
( อ ยฐ อส ยฐ)
WalkLessDialFour ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:37:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
( อ ยฐูอ ยฐ)
BigfootTouchedMe ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 15:26:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is the Sune in your username a reference to the algorithm used in speed cubing?
Sane333 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:47:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My guess would be the solar company that /r/wallstreetbets were all over which was a total flop. Shit's worthless today.
BigfootTouchedMe ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:54:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, I knew Sune was also a male name in Sweden so I thought it could be something else. I think you're probably right after seeing his post history.
tuxedoburrito ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:45:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's the real question
LegendaryPrimate ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:55:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you from WSB?
its_never_too_SUNE ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:07:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yessir
shrance84 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:27:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
GFY
FlossHorse ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:13:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
R U R' U R U U R'
Swimguy72125 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:01:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/thread
groznij ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:53:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What is SUNE? Aside from soon, I mean. Your name?
Jake59 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:14:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A stock that I'm pretty sure filed for bankruptcy
groznij ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:54:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Who are you?
Jake59 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:33:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go fuck yourself
OrangeTabbyTwinSis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:59:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's an odd name, I like it.
PM_Me_Humble_Bundles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:54:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow
Senor_Turtle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:42:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)
Alarid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:32:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just a little teeth
FreefallGeek ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 18:11:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to Wallstreetbets
its_never_too_SUNE ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:14:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No.
nihilprism ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 15:31:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The bite is the reason to eat radishes.
fernguts ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 16:51:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
These kids were raised on chicken nuggets, and it's made them soft!
TheWhiteCuban ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 15:07:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How else would you eat them
just_some_Fred ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 21:30:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cut them in half, drizzle them with a little olive oil, salt and pepper, then roast for 10-12 mins at 400f.
Atario ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 16:05:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the bite was the whole point of radishes
fuzzby ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:53:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I eat horseradish my eyes tear up because of the stinging pain. But these are happy tears, and the pain makes me feel alive. I really like horseradish.
AkhandBakchod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:56:47 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So true.
Always reminds me of Agent Smith
"Human beeings define their existence through suffering and misery"
look of disgust
GoldenDaVinci ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:16:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I found Jaws
Cunningless ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:37:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Radishes bite? Nice.
ride_4_pow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:59:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You dirty slut!
kalitarios ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
bite me!
Butternades ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kinky
lolWireshark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:33:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Freaking weirdo.
TheM1ghtyCondor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:42:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)
Gate-Way-Drugs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:42:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ooh kinky
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:05:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Little salt on em, makes a great snack.
AstariiFilms ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:12:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)
Fireproofspider ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:09:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Radishes are actually mustard like plants.
VikingTheEpic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:17:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/nocontext
benwaaaaaaaah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:19:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Me too, it's how I eat them
jellatubbies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:57:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well yeah, I imagine swallowing them whole is quite the operation...
Freefall84 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:09:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Likewise, add a bit a of kick to a salad.
madderal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:24:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always thought you were supposed to swallow them whole, never tried this "bite" thing
BadBoyJH ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:24:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kinky.
TotallyNotanOfficer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:37:39 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's dozens of us!
DOZENS
vinogradov ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:53:49 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's what she said
DSPR ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:40:09 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I prefer vegetables that don't bite me. I'll do the biting, thanks.
[deleted] ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 15:29:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I bought some once and had a nasty stinging sensation... Freaked me out, tasted yucky .... Threw them in the trash. Fucking poison!!
lightslightup ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:02:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Interestingly enough, that's pretty common. It's one of the reasons I love them so much.
"The raw flesh has a crisp texture and a pungent, peppery flavor, caused by glucosinolates and the enzyme myrosinase, which combine when chewed to form allyl isothiocyanates, also present in mustard, horseradish, and wasabi." - From Wikipedia
ThundercuntIII ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 16:41:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
People have never been able to convince me that shitty vegetables aren't shitty.
Them: "Brussel sprouts are the best! You just have to cook them a bit longer, and throw peanut sauce over it!"
Me: "Who are you? What are you doing in my home?"
Xendrus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:36:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Oh you just haven't had them cooked the way I make them" No motherfucker you sautรฉing them with butter, as groundbreaking as that may be, will not change the fact that this tastes like boot.
Kitties4me ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:33:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
yes, so much better than what you get at the store
Terrh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:35:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
last year I tried growing radishes and the roots never turned into bulbs but the tops grew up super high. And the radishes that finally developed had the texture of a 2x4.
sparklingbuttknuckle ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:30:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's happened to me. You probably planted them at the wrong time or in too much sun. Radishes don't like too much heat.
Uncle_Ruckuss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Also an excellent source of potassium
The-shindigs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, how else would you eat them?
Masterjts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Might as well grow carrots then.
ThatLightingGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:19:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Radishes diced in cottage cheese. Drool.
Stevedale ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:04:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What do you mean barqs has bite?
prodmerc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:37:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But... that's the whole point!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:36:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Also be sure to water then regularly. Radishes get thirsty = little fire bombs
BeckerHollow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:00:12 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A radish without "bite" is just a crunchy ball.
ChiefAcorn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone says they're "spicy", to me they taste like dirt. Am I immune to their effects?
deadpoetic333 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:21:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I kinda like that dirt taste..
WIGGIE_FIFES ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:38:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Only the horse variation is tangy
mDanielson ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:53:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If your food bites you back something is wrong
vagina_crust ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 14:53:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ah come on they aren't so bad. They're rad-ish
darpacheetos ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:05:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
cheeky bastard
oz6702 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:17:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I laughed unreasonably hard at this
NineteenthJester ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:10:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go home, Dad
PoniesAndBlink ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 14:39:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I like radishes, especially with my tacos!
thebeerdedwonder ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 14:53:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Try slices of them with butter and salt, simply delicious.
NicotineGumAddict ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:12:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
lemon and Tajรญn!
literally_a_possum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:28:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Similar, I use the slices instead of crackers to eat hummus. You still get the satisfying crunch with fewer calories than eating a bunch of crackers.
kanooka ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:34:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
melted? or like...slices of butter? i'm having a hard time imagining how you'd eat radishes with butter.
Shiftlock0 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:14:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Soft room-temperature butter. Just spread it on or whip it and use it like a dip.
kanooka ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:37:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
thanks for explaining, i've never heard of that before, but my family never really ate radishes when i was growing up.
nd1312 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:15:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put butter on bread, put radish slices on butter then put salt on reddish slices. It's not rocket science.
kanooka ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:36:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Forgive me, I didn't realize the sentence "try slices of them with butter and salt" implied "add bread."
nd1312 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I forgive you.
Blu3j4y ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:01:31 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't love you anymore.
PoniesAndBlink ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:40:58 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shh bb is okay
s08e12 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:44:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I LOVE radishes
I fucking eat them while shitposting
pirfle ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:14:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Roast them in the oven. No bite and very tasty.
TheScottymo ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:52:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Add some horse and you've got yourself a tasty meat topping.
Ron-Forrest-Ron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, especially now the carrot has that whole God Ki thing going on
Thundergrunge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:08:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Says you!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:22:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pickled radishes are very good
WarcraftFarscape ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:23:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Found the Gorg (where my Fraggles at?)
Fihfiru ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:29:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Radishes, radishes, barely even human.
Q1989 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ooh that'll get em!
jpropaganda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:45:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But great when pickled and put on top of tacos
sellyberry ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:45:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Beets are worse.
Happysin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Good radishes are excellent. Sadly the grocery store ones taste like sand. Went to Oktoberfest in Munich years ago. They put out radishes to go with the beer. Best damn radishes I've ever had.
VectorLightning ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:40:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Says you, I love them with a little ranch.
can_i_see_ur_tits ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:41:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Radishes are just white carrots.
ijustwantanfingname ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:30:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lies
flosiraptor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:10:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You take that back!
GlaciusTS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:27:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pickle them in vinegar.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I disagree with what you say, but I will defend to the radish your right to say it.
LordDumbassTheToasty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Personally I think they're pretty cool, maybe just rad-ish though.
cuteintern ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:31:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Whoa, let's just everybody calm down and chill the fuck out.
Radishes and carrots can coexist peacefully. Diversity is the spice of life and whatnot. I'd be stoked to have Surprise Radishes in my garden.
monster_bunny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:34:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Carrots are a bitch to harvest though
Underoath2981 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:37:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make black bean tacos with guacamole and use radishes like you would onions. So good.
nikkitgirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:37:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, some of us love radishes
HenCockKneeToe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:41:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You sir are incorrect.
DiaDeLosMuertos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think they're rad.
Rocky87109 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:57:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was going to suggest horseradish then but looked it up and it takes a year for them to grow.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:00:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Add salt, problem solved
6feet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:01:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What the hell kind of Fraggle doesn't like radishes?
Nekomancerr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take that back!
eltoro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:16:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No way, radishes have kick. We just need bagged, baby radishes to change their reputation.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:45:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Slow down man, carrots arent that great either
loolwut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:15:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Must not eat Mexican food
friglesnart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:26:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I'm half Mexican, radishes are still worse than carrots.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:05:21 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Actually I think they are pretty rad.
weedful_things ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:10:03 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I bought some radishes yesterday at the grocery and have been eating them whole for snacks ever since. I will be sad when they are out of season.
t0b4cc02 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:32:04 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
wtf.
never heard anyone hate on them, especially not one who would eat carrots.
are radishes not common where you are from?
Wolfey1618 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:08:01 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think they're delicious.
rawcoconut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:16:40 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
God damn, you are very considerate for a little prankster. Garden prank me!
stanley_apex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:36:48 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You are now banned from /r/radishes.
JustinJSrisuk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:36:48 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You should try baby radishes dipped in butter with sea salt and cracked black pepper. It's kind of a fad items on restaurant menus nowadays. It's pretty good. Changed my opinion of radishes completely.
inyuez ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:38:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You mean tasty
HailCeasar ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 14:31:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Next time, on Impractical Farmers.
SJHillman ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:51:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, you want to plant a bunch of plants that will all flower in about the same amount of time. Plant it so they bloom in the shape of a giant eye watching the bedroom window.
BeefHazard ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 14:40:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do bamboo. The entire neighbourhood will know.
Euryalus ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:05:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or mint.
PlasticMac ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:24:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just bought a mint plant, Jesus Christ does this thing grow like crazy.
Euryalus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:30:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't plant it in your garden. It'll take over everything!!
PlasticMac ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:31:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have it in a pot! But thanks for the tip!
jalif ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:50:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plant it in your lawn. The lawn will out compete for nutrients, and when you mow the lawn it smells like mint.
Neri25 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:56:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take care to trim back the runners, it will try to escape every now and then.
Neri25 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Woah there satan.
piss_chugger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:49:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
...carrots are not hard to grow
BWANT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:25:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They're impossible to grow if you only water the seeds once per day. Not gonna happen.
literally_a_possum ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:29:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Really? I've grown them without watering them that much.
BWANT ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:11:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Carrot seeds don't sprout without constant moisture (minimum of two waterings per day). They can go without water once they've sprouted, though.
literally_a_possum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:44:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, I see. I do keep my seeds pretty moist in general.
piss_chugger ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:32:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tell that to the carrots growing in the garden that are getting watered once every few days. In fact, I have had carrots grow up the next year after a harvest ... without even planting more seeds.
To be fair, I live in the PNW so there is more rain here than many places.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:10:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
piss_chugger ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:56:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What area do you live in?
pakrat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:00:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Haha I have a harder time getting carrots to germ versus radishes.
piss_chugger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:55:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have never tried radishes so I don't know
Nightguard119 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:27:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rapid growing? Plany a tiny bit of bamboo while someone is on vacation, the kind that grows some 12 inches a day, they come home to a single patch of 6 foot tall bamboo
Gr8NonSequitur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:30:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
and they fucking overtake the garden. Radishes are fine in pots. Don't plant in a field of anything that should be "not radishes".
Dantonn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:35:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, but then you have to worry about the Fraggles.
fzw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or marijuana. Ruin your friend's life as a funny prank.
slow_one ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do a different variety of grass... find something that's a different species but is much darker
ARookwood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Play the long game, ancient seeds.
I've been playing too much Stardew.
ksperry ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They're the fastest thing to grow in stardew valley!
fox-friend ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:25:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You want fraggles? Because that's how you get fraggles.
seegabego ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:27:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I just Upvoted a comment about radishes. Hm.
chicoquadcore ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:53:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Can confirm. Radishes always grew the fastest in Harvest Moon 64.
madcaplarks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:01:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Someone was a pro on harvest moon
onyxandcake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:11:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How do home grown radishes taste compared to store? Sweeter, hotter?
pakrat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:10 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Depends. The one harvested early taste like crunchy, watery, and earthy. Almost like an apple that doesn't taste sweet or sour. The radishes blend really well with other flavors when cooked. The ones that were about to bolt (which is what gives radishes their bite) taste like licking a battery.....
Pizzarolls23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:13:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone knows Beets are the superior vegetable
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:05:44 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I grew a garden years ago and all I got out of it were chili peppers and radishes because the bugs didn't want them.
Purdaddy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:38:23 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeaaaaaaaa carrots take forever.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:04:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Timmisiewicz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:43:19 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You'd probably need beets for that.
senorrence ยท 122 points ยท Posted at 15:31:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plant catnip so tons of cats show up in his garden for seemingly no reason and won't leave.
EnkoNeko ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:19:32 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Can someone... do this to me?
Seriously, having a cat gang would be pretty cool.
transandpans ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:15:11 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Catnip would be pretty easy to grow, honestly. It's a variety of mint, which is almost explosive in how it grows. Keep in mind that you'll literally never get rid of it once you plant it, though. The roots grow too deep and widespread to ever remove them completely, and they'll just keep coming back up. Anyways, you could totally just plant some yourself. One plant would grow up to be pretty big.
EnkoNeko ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:44:51 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What if you had it in a pot plant? Then if you wanted to get rid of it you could just throw out the entire plant...
Ninja Edit: Also, I have a dog and there aren't very many cats in my neighbourhood :(
transandpans ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:21:45 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They tend to spread outside of whatever you put them in. You could give it an entire garden and it'll expand past even that.
EnkoNeko ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:19:07 on June 28, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wow. Actually sounds pretty nasty
But... cats...
transandpans ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:54:32 on June 28, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mint is an evil plant, but it has its benefits. Like cats.
EnkoNeko ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:47:38 on June 28, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cats are a benefit to anything
transandpans ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:44:51 on June 28, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How could they not be?
Rob_T_Firefly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:17:43 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Also they'll all be tweaking out /r/holdmycatnip style.
[deleted] ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 14:28:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
HooMu ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:25:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
or a penis
cluelesssquared ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:13 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If there's a penis shape on Mars, it's good enough for his garden.
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 182 points ยท Posted at 13:37:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is great
DiggyDog78 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:03:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We're all going to die.
dasjorik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:52:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Gone meta
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:48:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
not if you're in New Zealand. I heard you can get arrested for this kind of shit
Pixel_Veteran ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:43:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In the US it's not uncommon to be shot by the owner so.. every cloud
methinksitlikea ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Right!? This is good fun without making the homeowner freak out that someone has been in their house. Even if no damage has been done, it's creepy to know someone was going through your stuff. I'd plant sunflowers.
tankgirl85 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 14:33:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do it! There is something weirdly satisfying about completely confusing someone you know with something so minor and harmless.
aaaaaaaarrrrrgh ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:04:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is called Guerilla Gardening when done in public spaces. Some people plant flowers. Others plant weed in front of the police station.
BWANT ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:25:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Carrot seeds need a constant supply of water in order to germinate. They won't sprout being watered only once per day. Like the other person said, radishes will be a lot easier.
WantDiscussion ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 14:47:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Someone is going to be really disapointed when what they thought was a marijuana patch turns out to be the tops of carrots
waremon0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:48:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Should grow some bone thugs and harmoniums instead
Ragnarok222 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:39:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Grow just about anything other than carrots. Carrots are really fickle and sometimes difficult to grow, and there isn't much sign they're even there when they've grown.
nimbus76 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:34:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Try spelling or 'drawing' something with them.
takemymoneynow ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:49:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or spelling the word "drawing" for utter confusion
Guy_Hero ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:05:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Misread as "plant carrots in a friends garden and rectum".
I'm dissappointed that I was wrong.
iammaline ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:27:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make sure to plant them in the shape of a large penis
Kim_Jong_OON ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:36:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dickbutt carrot garden
WhiteLivesMatter79 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:57:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Report back
Brainlessdad ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:41:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Guerrilla gardening
antigravcorgi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:40:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Guerilla gardening. I eat a lot of avocados and always wanted to do this with the pits.
jawnofthedead ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:50:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But it's a garden. What else is growing?
comfy_socks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:06:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I love this.
ghanta29 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:14:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me of that meatballs prank from The Office.
tinychancer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:25:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
An upvote for commitment to a non harmful prank...unless they're allergic to carrots?! :o
Konekotoujou ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:13:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Some plants don't grow well together or shouldn't even be near each other.
I don't really garden but my uncle will not allow people to even smoke near his garden and if they're smokers they need to wash their hands before they help him. Tobacco can destroy tomato and pepper plants.
Planting in other people's gardens could be a lot more harmful than you think.
15madhatter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:30:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mom had a bunch of large corn stalks randomly pop up in her garden one spring.
kernunnos77 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:34:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do it to a new home-owner who just planted their own grass, but draw the shape of a dick with turnip greens.
cd450 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:34:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bamboo would grow pretty fast
hitlerosexual ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's a bit less harmless though considering bamboo is really difficult to get rid of
cd450 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:33:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Solid point it's a little too far
mike413 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:35:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But carrots aren't that obvious. I propose you grow corn or triffids instead.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:47:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The evil version of this is to fertilize the crap out of your neighbour's lawn. Bring out a chair, put some meat on your bbq, pop a beer and enjoy watching your neighbour desperately trying to keep his lawn in check. All summer.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:47:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One word-
Bamboo
subgenius691 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:51:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Doesnt a burglary scheme require entering the house? What you are doing the postman could do. Now planting carrots in the house in the houseplant pots....
DeadlyShadoww ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:32:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you want to cause mayhem, plant potatos. They spread like absolutely no tomorrow and will take over the entire flower bed if left untreated. My grandparents left a stale potato in the ground during the spring. By the time a year went by the entire flowerbed was taken over. We had to spend the entire day pulling out the weeds from the garden
ticklekitties ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:33:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had a friend do something similar. We know a guy who was refusing to mow his lawn, so once a week at night he would spread fertilizer in his lawn.
When it was about three lush feet tall, he paid someone to mow it. Still didn't get the point across.
sharkcrayons ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:39:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mom's sisters did this to her when my parents moved out to their farm. They came and planted rows and rows of zucchini and would water and tend to them when they came to visit. Of course eventually my poor mom is overcome with zucchinis in her garden. She got her revenge though. Her sisters all received big fat loaves of beautiful looking bread, with a whole zucchini baked inside. One good thing - my mom perfected her chocolate zucchini cake. It's divine.
uymai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Found a parsnip growing in the middle of my lawn... Was pulling weeds and then all of the sudden....
Your prank will achieve its goal
royal_rose_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:58:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The only problem with this is they might go out to weed and they will pull out the carrots before the carrot actually grows.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This happened to me but it was watermelon.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:04:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You also remove all the vegetables and replace them with canned veggies. Stick the cans part way into the ground.
a-sex-pack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:09:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do strawberries, they only take 4 hours.
Director_D ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember seeing a 4chan copy pasta where they plant dildos in a garden and every night slowly pull them up a little bit taller.
greenpeppers100 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:36:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you actually do this please let the world know.
Gizmo-Duck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
wouldn't they get pulled out with the weeds?
SomeAnonymous ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Use bamboo. If you choose the right species, they can grow almost a metre a day (one species grows so fast you can literally watch it grow)
emmilylovesham ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I love this! But watering plants at night can usually encourage them to rot and they probably wouldn't grow :(
methinksitlikea ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd go with sunflowers. They grow really tall and are easy. Also there is such a thing as guerrilla gardening.
chiropter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I just hope you're not in New Zealand, there could be serious legal ramifications for your friend
the-dork-knight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Grow some weed instead lol one time me and my buddies were thinking of planting weed seeds all over the city so they would sprout in random places. We never got around to doing it but it's on my bucket list.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:44:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My grandpa goes off and works during the week, since I'm the only one at the house during the morning, I could do this to fuck with him.
WorldGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:48:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Uh, thank you?
Hugh_Jampton ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is the best thing I have ever read
Funnyalt69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:09:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You realize carrots aren't just bam grown. He will see them growing over those three months.
dontbend ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for the beautiful idea. My friends are big fans of growing their own stuff so they'll be pleasantly surprised, with the emphasis on surprised.
Olliedfox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Me and my girlfriend are doing this with sunflowers on our street.
I_Xertz_Tittynopes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:57:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Use purple carrots.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:57:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How is this burglary? You're not really breaking into anything.
Kylearean ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:02:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is your name a Friend's reference?
DeadlyPear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:15:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you going to plant them in an particular shape?
yoshi570 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would simply harvest them.
seamore555 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid a package of free carrot seeds came in the mail for some promotion thing. I opened the package and threw them into my mom's flower garden. Her face when she started pulling up little baby mystery carrots a few weeks later.
StAnonymous ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:35:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're gonna need to do a lot more then just water them. There's weeding and culling so they don't grow too close together and choke each other out. Carrots are a butt to raise.
thingsiloathe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:36:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had a lawn care company and we got a new customer. They were a nice military professional black couple who were working their way up the ranks.
I get a phone call one day stating that we continuously miss an area of her yard. I call my crew leader to ask what happened and he said "I don't think that's true... The only thing we don't touch is the patch of yard with the watermelons". So I call her back and tell her what he told me. She responds "we don't have watermelons ".
Now I'm confused and conflicted. I know my foreman knows his stuff but I don't want to try and overly stress to this black couple that they do have watermelons. So I tell her I'll come out myself and address the missed patch of grass.
Info out there with my business partner with our lawn gear and start weed eating the area ... Only to find watermelons. I felt at that point the best option was to finish weed eating and cleaning up and getting out of there.
RectumCheese ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:42:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Since these threads become archived in 6 months, and those carrots will grow in 3 months, would you remember to post pictures?
dancingbanana123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:54:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Better yet, spell them out in his name.
ShinAkuma135 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:57:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do you and your friends live in Texas? Because we woke up to find two carrot plants next to our tomato plants ._.
Konekotoujou ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:07:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Carrots need to be watered several times per day.
joshbike ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:14:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As long as you don't live in new Zealand. This will get someone arrested. You need a permit before having a garden here.
IAmALinux ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:58:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Look up guerrilla gardening.
Catnap42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:09:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Before you realize this fantasy you may want to know something about carrots: http://www.almanac.com/plant/carrots
UndeadBread ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:20:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You could pull a Curious George and just bury some fully-grown carrots in the garden.
armoreddragon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:22:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The yard is nothing but a fence, the sun just hurts my eyes.
Dexify ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:32:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Even better, do it in New Zealand!
HormonesofDeath ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:37:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I put potatoes I bought at the store in my dads garden a day before he decided to harvest most of the garden. Hilarity ensued when he picked the first potatoe
Frond_Dishlock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:13:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That could get someone arrested in New Zealand. A joke's a joke, but that'd be over the line.
conalfisher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:30:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't do carrots. Instead, plant bamboo all over the garden. Much faster results.
PunkinNickleSammich ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:49:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or, you could just stick a bunch of carrots in the ground.
Laserdollarz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:00:52 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Beautiful.
For extra shock and reward, use Mammoth Sunflowers. A pack of seeds is like $2 at home depot, walmart, grocery chains, etc. They pop out of the ground in a week and grow a few inches a day, topping out at 10'-12' with a 2' flower.
Wraith_GraveSpell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:42:15 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Heres one that you can do really easily. Go throw a bunch of Indian corn kernels in their yard. That stuff will grow quite fast and you Dont have to maintain it much.
Source: did that at my house as a kid and mom got thoroughly pissed
HybridSprinkles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:34:47 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dad? Is that you?
JasonDJ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:21 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you the reason I keep pulling out onions from my front yard? I honestly have no idea where they come from.
Gaff3r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:25:58 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I love this. Its painlessness to bafflement ratio is excellent.
AWildCookieMonster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:02:35 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What would be even worse is to plant bamboo. It grows fast and it grows everywhere and can be tough to get rid of
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:48:13 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bonus points if you are able to harvest the carrots, and him never be any wiser.
SideShowtrees ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:08:59 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/madlads
Halloakinator ยท 4210 points ยท Posted at 12:10:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make a meal ready in their kitchen. Clean up the house ( not near where they are sleeping off course). Feed the animals. And leave a note with "I love you" on the plate where you cook the food.
DuffBude ยท 3331 points ยท Posted at 12:29:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Can you do this to my house?
WaxFaster ยท 1072 points ยท Posted at 12:45:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I call next
IamEclipse ยท 1428 points ยท Posted at 14:02:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hello this is next speaking
_broken_windows ยท 441 points ยท Posted at 14:04:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh shit whatup
IamEclipse ยท 337 points ยท Posted at 14:08:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing much just waiting behind previous
Beauclair ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 14:23:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, I am previous... can I cut you in line, please? I have kids and my wife waiting for me at home and I am already late.
[deleted] ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 14:32:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[removed]
I_DO_JUMPING_JACKS ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 15:08:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe he was previously already late
Danzing0 ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 15:35:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Head violently explodes
melten006 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:18:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wierd, mine imploded.
bkscreamer ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 17:34:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Previous Lee Alreadylate
monkeyballhoopdreams ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:14:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This now has a demand. Let's turn it into a business!
GlaciusTS ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:33:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait but what happened to Current? Wasn't he supposed to be behind previous?
Martinblade ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, he was at one point on time, then became late after he previously was joined in the line by present.
starfirex ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:04:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well I'm already behind you... so yah you can cut backwards.
i_am_judging_you ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 14:27:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What the hell happened to current??
IamEclipse ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:33:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He fucked his life up and had to leave the line to go sort it out
space253 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:14:36 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He's busy right now.
i_am_judging_you ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:27:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What the hell happened to current??
kernunnos77 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:32:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He got grounded.
Natanael_L ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:06:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How exciting! Lots of potential in this story
Theonlyrhys ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:39:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why so positive?
KingRyanidas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He ran into some resistance.
CFSohard ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:33:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shit, you guys lost current?
i_am_judging_you ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:27:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What the hell happened to current??
SunShineNomad ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:09:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Then who's on first?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:30:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i'm in next in line please
ykk211 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:49:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But who's on first?
Alarid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:34:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But who's on first?
plopinthetoilet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:56:59 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, your the dude that makes those walking dead funny subtitle comic strip things right?
Just wanted to say those things are awesome and always make me laugh so thanks for that. I hope you keep on doing it!
IamEclipse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:09:55 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hey man, it is me!
Thanks for the comment, reading them makes my day. I'm taking a little break until season 7 bur when that rolls around ill definitely make more
MrMeseeks_ ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:14:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's dat boi!
DuckTub ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:23:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
watch him rollin' watch him go
fireork12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:28:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's not going to die, is it?
lyon934 ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 15:41:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's dat boi
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:58:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hello next I'm dad
MartyMcMcFly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:25:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're next, fucker.
iNebulaDragon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:38:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Moooooom, dad is on the internet again
TheM1ghtyCondor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:45:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hi next speaking, I'm dad
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:10:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Someone needs to make a bot that says this like the what? bot
darkRedDuck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:50:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/dadjokes are you lost?
SexyGreenMandM ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:44:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hello next, I'm Dad.
Silist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:16:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, you're eclipse
ChrisTheCoolBean ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:32:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, you're just an eclipse!
IamEclipse ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:33:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Its official, this is now a reddit joke, I've turned into a reddit joke, Hooray?
ChrisTheCoolBean ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:37:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You should host an /r/shittyama
IamEclipse ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:45:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Boom, go nuts
xThoth19x ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:29:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, you're Eclipse.
Jaywebbs90 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:29:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No you are Eclipse.
erie21594 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:25:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh hey Mr. Next, glad we caught up with you. I'm calling to speaking to you about your unpaid vet bills...do you have a moment?
DrEddieRichtofen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:58:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
CODZombies lad
IamEclipse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:01:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I swear you all just stalk me now
DrEddieRichtofen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:07:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nah haha I just frequent AskReddit and recognised your username
xXx_WeedBlzr_420_xXx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:17:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Will there be fries with that sir?
benaugustine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:42:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Username doesn't check out.
harding_tom29 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:26 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No this is Patrick
Charmingdarling ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:54 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hi next, can you make me food and tell me you love me?
pukingpastiles9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:05:34 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dad?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:45:08 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You've really made the grade
And I'm cooking in a most peculiar way
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:16:22 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
no this is patrick
cornerlot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:13:00 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No this is Patrick
kniranjang ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:46:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But you are Eclipse
IamEclipse ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:48:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This joke is one more away from becoming a reddit meme I swear to God
setfire3 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:57:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
you don't even need to cook or clean, .. just ... just tell me you love me.
TheEnKrypt ยท 288 points ยท Posted at 13:06:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah me too, I'm really lonely.
You can steal some stuff too if you want.
Haha kidding, I don't really have anything, but that's better cause you don't have to put in much effort when cleaning the house. See, I even made it easier for you.
Please?
Burrito-mancer ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 15:33:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Can I just pet your hair while you sleep?
LordBran ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 16:31:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This makes me want to hangout with you
gnuISunix ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:09:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's going to be okay, buddy.
kind_of_a_god ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:08:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
me irl
kek_mate ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:57:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
this sounds like a trap where you end up thinking you're gonna go in and make food, and you end you being the food...
corruptcake ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:01:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Let's create a business like this. Idk how to market it so it doesn't sound creepy though...
QuintusVS ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:33:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Where do you live? I'll come over with pizza.
fenstapuza ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:40:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
dibs
MakeMeNaked ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:44:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Every day, and maybe throw in some sex?
kspencer1012 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:38:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Me too thanks
enthigoiv ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:54:33 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
where do I sign up
J4CKR4BB1TSL1MS ยท 947 points ยท Posted at 12:50:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
TIL my wife is a burglar.
daddaman1 ยท 274 points ยท Posted at 12:54:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thats weird, your wife does that for me too!
i_am_judging_you ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 14:28:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No that's a prostitute
Yarxing ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 14:43:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think OP's wife is asking any money for those services.
Buns_A_Glazing ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 17:02:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So she's just a plain ol' whore?
QuintusVS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:33:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nah just a big ol' slut.
Therearenopeas ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:27:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You and everyone else on the block.
deadpoetic333 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:17:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Damn she's good.
rg90184 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:49:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lucky you, his wife only has sex with me.
mrmojorisin2794 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:14:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That is weird. your mom does the same thing to me.
geveck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:53:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, the old reddit wifearoo
popejohnthebroiest ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:55:48 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Damn, and all she does is fuck me. Lame.
ThundercuntIII ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 16:45:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well look at the fancy mr my wife loves me over here
CrayonFox ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:02:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
She probably stole his heart.
NotTheBatman_ ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 13:03:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
She probably feels guilty about something.
skibble ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:21:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's me. She feels guilty about me.
hoybowdy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:48:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
TIL my stalker is a burglar. Or your wife. Not sure yet...need more data.
rpmanwithaquestion ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:18:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
TIL she has a husband
gosling11 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:55:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
..have you seen her lately?
monkmethod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:38:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's called gaslighting.
f1sh98 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:46:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
TIL my wife isn't.
sob
iamfromshire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:11:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
First she steals your heart and now this !!!! Where does this end ?
z55177 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:23:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well she did steal your heart...
dexstrat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:00:43 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
its me ur wife
JoeM104604 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:11:05 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
TIL my wife is a shitty wife.
lotsofdicks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:02:44 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
She stole your heart, didn't she?
ask_me_if_Im_lying ยท 63 points ยท Posted at 12:48:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds great until you realise that you live alone and don't have any animals.
96fps ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:38:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, you thought you were alone...
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:06:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
thatsthepoint.jpg
Bizurns ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:55:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A dog bowl? What the fuuu....
you_got_fragged ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:29:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But we are still animals. Ain't nothing but mammals
SandpaperScrew ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:04:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Then who's litter box did I just shit in?
LetterSwapper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You do now!
Mr420- ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 14:39:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A friend of ours cooked dinner for the entire family, only to call them and ask where they were. She was told that they had moved 6 months ago and was in their old house. She promptly left leaving the home cooked meal out and the washing done for the new residents when they got home.
She was diagnosed with dementia a few months later.
TheEnKrypt ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 13:12:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And then take a dump in their toilet without flushing.
c0me_at_me_br0 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 14:15:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And put up their Christmas tree every night.
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:37:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
that went meta fast
iceing11 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:51:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ayy gringo!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:40:13 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Damn it bill, learn to flush.
I did flush
Well i didnt leave this
Niether did i. Look it has corn in it... I dont even like corn!
Well look at the size. We both know from how much i complain about anal that that massive thing didnt come from me
jrm2003 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:45:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is similar to the prank the Juniors pulled on my Senior class in high school. It was traditional that on Senior Skip Day the Juniors would set up some kind of prank, but instead they cleaned our Senior Lounge area, and left us hot breakfast, coffee and juice.
We were so baffled...and mostly afraid to eat the food.
To know how mind blowing this was, you've got to understand that traditionally these pranks were heinous. Most of us didn't even drive to school that day because in the past classes have dumped sewage on senior cars, and ghosted them when they got out.
boyfromcalcutta ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:03:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Great!
but...... ..I can't cook :'(
cajunflavoredbob ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:49:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sooooo, this?
BlueStateBoy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:08:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This would really freak me out. Especially if you did it two or three times a week.
(The key is in the flower pot.)
GrethSC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:48:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The first note says "I love you."
The next one says "I'm still here for you."
"Why are you ignoring me? I still love you."
"Have you forgotten about me?"
etc etc ...
ThundercuntIII ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:45:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is extra bitter because you realize you're being mocked with the ghost of relationships you'll never have
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:04:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Their mothers will be very surprised.
mjmqc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:34:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cook food for you too while you're at it and stay to have a little chat lol
Educated_Spam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:48:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And the house belongs to a sorority
ibelieveineveryone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:30:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We found Monica!
Ladyingreypajamas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:49:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A friend actually did this for me when I was out of town. Scrubbed top to bottom, mopped, vacuumed, did the last of the laundry I wasn't able to get to, and left me OJ, a new gallon of milk, a can of cinnamon rolls, and a pack of bacon for the morning after I got home so we could eat before having to run all of the "I've been out of town" errands. Best friend ever.
Mrbick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mom?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:28:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Years ago I read an article about a Chinese lady whose house was regularly burgled but all they did was do laundry and general housework.
Turns out it was her next door neighbour who had a major crush on her but was too shy to ask her out.
diafeetus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:14:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
CanadianBurglars
MrsMeteor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:03:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So do you need my address?
frankitx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:22:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One time my car was broken into and the trash was all taken out, and there was a random $10 bill on the passenger seat for me to return to.
Plutoid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:34:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My aunt once came home to find an elderly Hmong woman cooking dinner in her kitchen. Probably the best possible scenario for walking in on a burglar.
marsalien4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:52:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh no, Captain! They're sleeping off course!
Joshie_the_Bear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:14:14 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What you should do is do this every Monday or something for several months and then just stop. But several years later, do it once more and then ever again...
badanimatornocookie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:47:58 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Crock pots would be great for this idea!
Hyhena ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:09:53 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Creepy and sweet at the same time, I like it.
Haineserino ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:18:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
hey its me ur brother
Hewkho ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 13:33:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hey where does the breakfast come from?
Mhm... That tastes good do you want a bite Sparky(dog)?
Sparky, come here.
Sparky?
Sparky... who is the guy who is playing with you and feeding you.
silverhydra ยท 2371 points ยท Posted at 14:05:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
(1) Learn how to forge handwriting to a pretty good degree
(2) Find something the owners wrote down to get an example
(3) Leave notes "To Self" around the house and office like "Don't forget tuesday coffee", "Pick up assorted veggies and two coconuts", "Remember: 7793"
(4) Laugh at the idea of them picking up the notes, thinking they wrote them, and what the hell 7793 is
[deleted] ยท 2169 points ยท Posted at 15:39:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And then convince them on a reddit forum it's carbon monoxide leaking into their house.
Bbqbones ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 18:31:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Then blow up their house.
nklim ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 18:46:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Carbon monoxide is not explosive.
Bbqbones ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 19:01:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The joke is that you carefully cover your tracks and then just outlandishly blow their house up.
Haligonian_89 ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 20:19:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just a prank, bro.
ThePaperSolent ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 22:45:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Carbon Monoxide Prank [Gone ISIS]
Kosmoni ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:01:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In the hood
jacktheme ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:13:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Gone sexual.
Momorules99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:59:59 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Where do I sign up for this one?
Brandon4466 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:01 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"We're taking the classic Carbon Monoxide prank and adding a little twist to it!"
NovaKing23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:49:05 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Someone Died!
cornerlot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:13:51 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Relax bro
Runazeeri ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:02:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It is just well above the % you die at.
CarlTheKillerLlama ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:25:59 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
1.3 is death point right?
Runazeeri ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:33:39 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's something very low as our alarms went off at 50ppm 0.005% and had second alarm at 200ppm ( I used to work at a place that used large amounts of CO)
[deleted] ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 18:37:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And then beat and rape their wives
Aeon_Mortuum ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 18:49:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That escalated quickly
[deleted] ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 18:51:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And then seduce the husbands.
Lollipyro ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 19:17:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make the husband gay.
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 19:37:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Then cast a spell on him to make him trans.
Use_My_Body ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:07:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mmm, I hope I can be the husband~
Do you take volunteers? ;)
AskJeevesAnything ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:21:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:36:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sure.
xereeto ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:34:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
bruh
aah_real_monster ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 21:04:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sleepy Gary and I just have a very special relationship!
josecuervo2107 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:33:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's just a social experiment
qervem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:00:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And their mothers
SevenSaltySnakes ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 21:50:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like a real redditor now because I actually got the reference.
robertah1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:06:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But would you get it if I mentioned breaking both my arms? Or jumper cables? Or SecretHDD?
I'm slowly coming to know Reddit references, one at a time...
SevenSaltySnakes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:25:15 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I got the broken arms but Imma need someone to educate me about the other two.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:58:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Congrats.
vatrat ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:37:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you can get into their wifi, you can view what they search and replace text on the pages they view.
You could also just redirect everything to Rick Astley's hit "Never Gonna Give You Up", or replace all of their pictures with red text on a background "HELP ME".
Marmadukian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:29:19 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Personally I think upside down net would be better.
Edit: Source
vatrat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:19:13 on June 28, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think it'd be fun to make pages slowly become Rick Astley. Have elements slowly fade away while the song builds in volume, but only after they've been reading a page for like 5 minutes.
nchr86 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 17:03:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reference?
what_a_mek ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 17:06:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believe it's this one.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:54:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
https://www.reddit.com/comments/34l7vo/
ActuallyRuben ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:10:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
CTFY
CheesySocksGuru ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:36:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why does this keep popping up?
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:37:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I dunno
BobTheEmuKing ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:39:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Meta
robroy78 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:48:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Meta-bee
17ejwawracz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:17:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
2meta4me
BruteTartarus66 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:41:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes! This guy knows what's up
ooh_a_phoenix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:46:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck. I came here to say something similar, though not as succinct. Still, the thought was there..
bumchuckit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:01:58 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Didn't he say the notes weren't in his own handwriting though?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:05:50 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe the co was making him woozy and he couldn't write properly?
bumchuckit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:05:48 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah I think that's what creeped him out even more. lol
BuzzWeedle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:30:01 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
meta-ception
darthmonks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:53:55 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Be sure to warn them about the dangers of Dihydrogen Monoxide while your there...
WifeyP ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:39:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The meta is strong with this one.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:37:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My karma has gone up by 1000 since posting that comment.
Best comment I've ever posted.
ninonic99 ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 15:18:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Better yet, add ones like: "why can't I remember?"
CaptainBlagbird ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:28:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And "don't believe his lies!" on a photo
[deleted] ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 15:57:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My brother was born in 1977 and my sister in 1993 those years I would never forgeT
silverhydra ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 16:22:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not only did I accidentally make a reference, but somebody got it. Fucking gratz man
AtomicFi ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:13:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What is this a reference to?
It's so damned familiar and I can't recall and my google-fu is failing me.
silverhydra ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:49:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
From an Indy game called "Dead Man's Journey". If you watch Markiplier at all he uploaded a video of it yesterday (where I know of it from, but I imagine other youtuber's/streamers probably played it as well).
Colonel_Potoo ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:11:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
(1) Heaven (2) Hell
CylonGlitch ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 15:26:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One place I worked we had conference rooms that had signs to clean the white boards after every meeting. Nothing was supposed to be left on the boards. But people would ignore them and leave stuff on there and come back later to copy it down / continue working on it.
Since I work in engineering, often it is mathematical formulas. So I would arrive first to the meetings, see the formulas on the board, and adjust them so that they were wrong. Change a minus sign to a plus. Erase a number from the equation. Change a number. Little things that could have been easily missed but weren't obviously wrong.
Swordstone_ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:09:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I appreciate the Dead Man Walking reference
pgh9fan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:39:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Then they play the number 7793 on the lottery and win money so they don't care.
conquer69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:49:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What would actually be quite scary. That's some LOST shit.
CliCheGuevara69 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:00:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't forget!
Don't forget what!!
the-dork-knight ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:43:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make sure they know the movie Memento and eventually make them believe they're like in the movie Memento lol
nman10000 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:50:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
M80, how did you know the combo to my bike shed???
silverhydra ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:51:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Step 1: Say a random number
Step 2: People come forth saying "lol, how did you know the code to my X"
Step 3: Something something sherlock holmes this shit up
Step 4: Profit from knowing passcodes
Deadmeat553 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:58:58 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"M80"
Are we pirates now?
daten-shi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:49:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Have you been watching Markiplier?
Shrian124 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:17:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This works especially well if they're drinkers!
Roert42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of how my buddy said he goes into someones calander and will circle a random date to fuck with people. Im convinced he did it to the calander in my living room, but i have no proof.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How did you figure out my PIN??
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn the source material upside down and 'draw' it instead of copying the writing.
Thuryn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This one is the best.
RickSHAW_Tom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:41:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"John G- don't trust his lies"
csl512 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:08:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
7793, Is that a PLU code?
fullmetalpopsical ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:19:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the batteries out of their carbonmonoxide alarm and sabotage their heater, watch Reddit and when they post collect some gold solving 'their' life threatening issue
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:30:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/34l7vo/ma_postit_notes_left_in_apartment/
Reminds me of this
luckytoothpick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:20:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've actually done this to myself: I used to write down phone numbers or other short bits of information without sufficient context. Later I'd find a piece of paper on the floor with a number and no recollection of having written it.
silverhydra ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:23:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you sure that's you? I mean, I've been around.
Nate_Cricket ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:21:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Found the Markiplier fan
thegapinglotus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:44:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ya know, I don't think you'd even have to bother matching their handwriting. Just finding post-it notes with block lettering telling me to do shit would be weird enough!!!!
ruhbluhbluh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:53:47 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Funny enough, if you google search images - 7793 a couple pictures of a particular TTC bus comes up.
BezziVelinov ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:36:52 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thats the last 4 digits of my SSN lol
layflikescofe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:29 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Better yet write a note reminding them to call a neighbor's number, and that it's important. Then write a note at that neighbor's house reminding them that there will be an important call at that time, that way they're both expecting an important call but have no idea what it is for
minecraftschosen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:37:49 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I just watched a video where the code for a door was 7793. What the actual fuck?
Hyhena ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:12:28 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My handwriting changes daily so good luck.
Lidesia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:52:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Where did 7793 come from I was watching a horror gameplay by markiplier and that number was in it
silverhydra ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:57:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Dead Man's Journey" is the game, realized after I wrote the number down since I remembered it for some reason (ironically enough...)
EthanT65 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:31:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The numbers, Mason! WHAT DO THEY MEAN?
Rodriguez22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:01:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I write notes in my SOs phone. Last time I wrote "ideas for a novel" and basically wrote the plot of the lord of the rings and a couple of other obviously stolen ideas.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:49:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Twist: the person knows what 7793 is.
Crusty_Munge ยท 11977 points ยท Posted at 12:35:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Heat a bowl of spaghetti sauce in their microwave, uncovered....for 7 minutes on full blast.
ladylurkedalot ยท 3260 points ยท Posted at 14:48:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I once dropped a entire pan full of stuffed peppers in tomato sauce. It landed flat on the floor and I thought "Yay, saved!" for the half-millisecond it took the sauce to react to the impact. The sauce exploded out of that pan and covered me and my kitchen. Everything from three feet down was red. It splashed high enough to hit the ceiling light. I was still finding spots of dried tomato sauce in unlikely places ten months later.
The peppers were still good though.
outofshell ยท 5844 points ยท Posted at 16:12:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Peppers really get a flavour boost if you startle them a bit before cooking, to release some of their natural adrenaline. I usually just jump out at them wearing a clown mask but a sudden free-fall drop onto the floor is next-level seasoning. Good job.
Burned_FrenchPress ยท 1193 points ยท Posted at 16:16:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
/r/shittyaskchefs
Edit: Apparently I don't know my slashes
apt-get__moo ยท 525 points ยท Posted at 16:32:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You had one job...
[deleted] ยท 1128 points ยท Posted at 17:26:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ยฏ\_(ใ)_\ยฏ
DiaDeLosMuertos ยท 69 points ยท Posted at 19:51:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Walk liiiiike an EgypTIAN
ScrewSnow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:51:40 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The blonde waitresses, take their tray and spin around and they cross the floor.
PM-ME-CANTALOUPES ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:11:58 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ยฏ/(ใ)\ยฏ
GALL0WSHUM0R ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:52:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is so good with your username. I'm going to read this emoticon as "I don't give a damn" from now on.
MyBobaFetish ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:46:41 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I want you to know that I laughed so hard I woke up my husband and he yelled "GOOD GOD BABE, SHUT UP."
xXx_WeedBlzr_420_xXx ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:19:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OH GOD IT HURTS!
Glorx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:57:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This one of those ancient Egypt dance moves?
OttoMalpense ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:56:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
you forgot this....oh wait. Dangit.
summonern0x ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 19:25:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This deserved more upvotes lol
TabMuncher2015 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:23:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's part of the shittyness...
takeachillpill666 ยท 132 points ยท Posted at 16:35:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
FTFY
[deleted] ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 16:38:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
\r\shittyaskchefs
steezefries ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 16:43:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We were too busy questioning if we could to stop and think if we should.
IAmA_Risky_Click_AMA ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:10:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
All the food-related usernames in this thread are cracking me up.
Markyparky56 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:12:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why are you a risky click?
IAmA_Risky_Click_AMA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:51:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It was never a choice. It's in my blood.
P0sitive_Outlook ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:13:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The hell is that from? :O
IAmA_Risky_Click_AMA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:18:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your mom.
P0sitive_Outlook ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:20:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I mean the clip of the woman.
narp7 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:52:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You missed the opportunity to rick roll someone. You could've linked that to anything.
enineci ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:58:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Anything, you say?
\r\shittyaskchefs
Zeus-I- ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:01:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
\r\shittyasschefs
MyWholeTeamsDead ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:20:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Xiretza ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:42:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Maegaa ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:13:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r\shittyaskchefs
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:44:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit! FTFY used for an actual correction!
Plasma_000 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:38:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I can't believe you've done this
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:44:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Obligatory
linkletonsan ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:09:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/shittylinking
SomeAnonymous ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/whyisntthatathing
sheikheddy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:24:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/yousuckatcooking
Ninjabassist777 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:04:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/\\/\//
Regex can be fun sometimes, especially with Reddit's formatting.
felixphew ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:49:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or just
X\\X/X- the initial/can be replaced by any character.Ninjabassist777 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:58:04 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
True, but that makes it less interesting
Mksiege ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:18:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You created a subreddit. Well done.
NotThtPatrickStewart ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:24:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And now the current top comment there is about scaring peppers. Dammit, Reddit....
Linearts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:19:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think it would actually be /r/shittyaskculinary if that exists.
Burned_FrenchPress ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:45:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
True. It's /r/askscience not /r/askscientists
Linearts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:03:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well yeah, but I just said that because the subreddit is /r/askculinary not /r/askchefs.
MyWholeTeamsDead ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:07:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The real sub is /r/shittyaskchef.
nickpufferfish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:58:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lmao only windows uses them backslashes.
xThoth19x ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:28:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't know that sub existed. Thank you.
GER_PalOne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:31:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dafuq why would u use backslash??
lengau ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:52:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Windows user
burgerwithcheese ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 16:33:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Youuuu suck at cooking, yea you totally suck"
JoeKnowsNothing ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 17:02:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Sounds like this is coming from the "you suck at cooking" guy on YouTube
Edit: Jesus I was like the 20th person to say this. Should've refreshed first
outofshell ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:00:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't realize "You suck at cooking" was a show until seeing it so many times in my inbox. "I get it you guys, I suck at cooking!" Lol.
(Seriously though I do suck at cooking.)
Goatboydtj ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:44:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Startled Pepper Stew http://imgur.com/0s7EK10 *This is step 2. Step 1 is dicing onions. They taste better without the fear.
googolplexy ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 16:17:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, the guy fieri technique.
-Allison- ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:34:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Anyone from /r/reallifedoodles (or whatever the sub is), make some food that's scared to death of guy fieri.
Virtualgoose ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:13:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pleaseplzpls I knead this
AppleBerryPoo ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:35:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like an episode of Chowder
bad_life_choices ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:20:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The professional term is shocking the vegetables.
-onionknight- ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:13:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just walk in with a peeler and start flaying the skin off of one of them. The others will sweat bullets. Enough so to completely juice them in under 30 seconds. Afterwards just throw the partially skinned one in the trash. It's flavor gets ruined by the massive production of white photosynthesis cells that are released in reaction to the damage caused by you peeling off its skin.
It's a wasteful tactic but for those of us that have things to do, time is more valuable than a lost pepper.
thatguyonthecouch ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:24:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like some advice from you suck at cooking.
XeroStride ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:43:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
yeah you totally suck
BangedYourMum ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:23:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
dont forget the tendies
branondorf ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:30:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks Ken M
PlanetMarklar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:57:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You suck at cooking
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:02:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is why I love Reddit.
Ponson ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:07:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You suck at cooking, oh my god
HowAboutShutUp ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:28:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make sure you startle the peppers before you relax the chicken, or else you have to start all over again.
wizzahd ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:31:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Most food is like this. Why do you think vending machines are so successful?
dublohseven ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:45:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's how Gordon Ramsay's peppers always have that extra kick. "Oh you lads just think you're hot eh? Because I think you taste FUCKIN MILD!"
RockSalad ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:01:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ah yes. Activating the fear soluble flavors.
zellwwf ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:12:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't be silly.. Don't drop things. Wear a mask and be safe and clean. In fact... almost all vegetables can be startled into releasing natural adrenaline. Except celery. You can't startle a fuck out of celery.
TheDynamicDino ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:29:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This doesn't sound right, but I don't know enough about peppers to dispute it
DJVaporSnag ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:36:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not TOO much though. You don't want them to get gamey.
SmexyHippo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:29:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In the Netherlands we actually "startle" our eggs. It's what we call the process of dumping them in cold water after cooking them.
Clark_Gable3 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:13:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
These are often referred to as "Activated Peppers"
Insertnamesz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:50:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of activating your almonds for optimal gains!
jonnygc8 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:42:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
this is top level "You Suck At Cooking" advice right there
sheldonpooper ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:21:22 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait is this the guy from you suck at cooking? ghostwriter perchance?
outofshell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:26:18 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lol no I had never heard of that show until my inbox exploded. Just watched a couple episodes and am now throwing onions at my kitchen wall trying to get that perfect dice. Must take practice?
sheldonpooper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:09:00 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take your comedic skills and use your front facing camera and start a similar channel. Then come back here, reply to this comment with a link to your YouTube channel.
OP better deliver!
o0i81u8120o ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:29:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like something I'd hear on you suck at cooking.
TheSeaOfThySoul ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:33:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Now I know what the next episode of "You Suck at Cooking" will be about.
goldiebam ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:46:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds like something I'd hear on You Suck at Cooking.
thatwasnotkawaii ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:03:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks Jon Favreau
prosayik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:04:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That could work, will try. I usually just pay off their boss to shave one eyebrow off and refuse to acknowledge the change in appearance. Then instruct Starbucks baristas to write "Kirk" on their cups regardless of what name they give. Gives the peppers a real startle when I slip in masculine just hours before blanching. Brings out some crazy good flavors.
xckta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:20:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Halal Peppers
cookingforassholes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:42:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
...Y-YouSuckAtCooking channel, is that you?
_Lisztomaniac_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
You sound like You Suck at Cooking
IA-Tonberry ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not as good as a properly prepared Surprise Apple.
steemboat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:28:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is some Ken M level cooking advice.
Captain_Juba ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:04:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think I found yousuckatcooking.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:57:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lol this sounds like something Ken M would say
hallowedsouls ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:06:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Of course it's been done in an anime before.
AutoMoberater ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:10:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you You Suck At Cooking from YouTube?
outofshell ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:42:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nope, but I do suck at cooking :)
3kindsofsalt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:46:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You suck at cooking
ZucchiniOverdose ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:10:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
reminds me of you suck at cooking
robophile-ta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:51:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I can see this being on an episode of You Suck At Cooking.
FancyHearingCake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:35:38 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You sound like the YouTube channel you suck at cooking
ciaisi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:20 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds like something straight out of "You Suck At Cooking"
https://youtu.be/lzv7fHvr3tk
ThisIsVeryRight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:10:23 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Curtainguy?
dalebonehart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:43:29 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought you were just using a racist term for Mexicans for a second there
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:06:01 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
fighterpilot248 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:00:00 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Found YouSuckAtCooking
goodkareem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:51:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"You suck at cooking" is that you?
madnus ยท -9 points ยท Posted at 16:26:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
... you do realise most vegetable dont have brains/andrenaline etc they are alive but they wouldnt react to a scare they dont even have senses
Edit- google it before you downvote and hate, its pretty common knowledge amoungst non neck-beards and cry babies that vegetables cant do these things, nor any plant or fruit for this matter.
[deleted] ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 16:27:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you autistic
Dontkillmejay ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 16:31:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You can't be real right? You must be playing a part right? This is so meta I don't even know where I am anymore.
The worst part is I feel like I need to be angry at you but don't know if I can because you may be joking.
FrostyBurn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:44:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We've gone full circle boyos. Memes have consumed us all
Bosknation ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:31:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Have you not ever heard of Vegetales? That's a documentary of the life of vegetables.
greeddit ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 16:43:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My brother and I were shaking coke cans in each other's faces threatening to let the other have it. I dropped my can after shaking it for over 5 minutes and it took this weird cone shape with bumps all over it. I picked it up as he silently looked on and tapped the part where you pull the lid. I don't know what compelled me to do this but the entire kitchen was covered in caramel goo. It wasn't even coke anymore. Iirc the can was in over 10 pieces on the ground. Greatest "clean before mom gets home" mission ever.
SnakeEater14 ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 20:18:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Allaha Ackba
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:21:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There was a time when my MIL was ill and my wife was visiting her every weekend. So I was on my own recognizance for two days each week. Somehow I would always manage to make the hugest mess ever.
One time I put a microwave pizza in the microwave for three min. But instead of typing 3:00 I typed 30:00. Didn't notice until smoke was pouring out of the kitchen. From that day forward the microwave was this yellow-grey color, like that of a smoker's lungs.
achmeineye ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 16:19:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
wait, you had a pan of tomato sauce on the floor and you dropped peppers into the pan that was on the floor?
ladylurkedalot ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:06:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pan [containing peppers and sauce] dropped onto floor.
achmeineye ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 17:08:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ohhhh, they were cooked in the sauce. I thought peppers being introduced to the saucy environment caused it to react violently.
mrcaptncrunch ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:36:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me of my wife reheating boiled eggs in the microwave...
Thomas__Covenant ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:26:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid, I was drinking a bottle of yoo-hoo (hooray, the 90's!) When I grabbed it from the top and the cap slid off. The bottle hit flat bottom on the floor and immediately ejected a cylinder of volcanic chocolate drink directly into the sky. It kissed my ceiling, leaving a small, butthole shaped brown stain on said ceiling.
It was still there when I moved out of my parents house 8 years later.
plsdontstalk ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:42:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Back in the 40s my great grandma was making preserves and had some red cabbage in a pressure cooker. The cooker exploded. There are still stains on the natural wood cabinets in the kitchen that somehow seep through the 2 or 3 layers of paint and primer.
I just realized this has nothing to do with with you are saying, but thats too much typing to backspace. So... TYL!
frenchmeister ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:14:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The same thing happened to my mom when she was making a sauce involving miso paste, only instead of dropping the pot, it separated from the handle while she was carrying it. It went everywhere.
Miso paste is sticky as hell so we had our work cut out for us. The floor, the cabinets, etc., all covered. There were even a few spots on the ceiling. My poor dog needed a emergency bath too, because she always followed by mom around while she cooked. She was soaked in miso.
Emerenthie ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:46:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I knocked over a jar of pasta sauce and was happy to notice that only about a spoonful of it was on the table.
The two people on the other side of the table were covered in collateral sauce.
meat_tunnel ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:10:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was homebrewing kombucha awhile back when one exploded on me. It went everywhere. Two sets of blinds, the ceiling, inside the recessed lighting, door frames, picture frames, the fridge, and as much as I tried to clean it all I was still finding spots of it months later.
rainbow84uk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:17:27 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ugh same thing happened in my house once with a full bottle of my Georgian roommate's tqemali โ a homemade sauce made of fermented sour plums. I was standing right next to him in the kitchen as he struggled to open it, then (thankfully) I moved into the living room to grab my phone. Two seconds later there's a huge BANG and my housemate and the entire kitchen are completely covered in sauce. We were cleaning it up for weeks!
feedme128 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:14:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds like a tasty recipe. Care to share?
Also, years ago my Dad did the exact same thing with something we called Barleyburger Stew except it was in the dining room.
ladylurkedalot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:04:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It was the basic stuffed peppers recipe, only I add basil and garlic to the filling and pour extra spaghetti or pizza sauce over them and sprinkle some extra mozzarella so it's cheesier.
poof_404 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:42:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I lost my shit reading this, and laughed for a good couple of minutes. Thank you (and sorry you had to go through that)!
adamcarrot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:15:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My nephew once put in a slice of left over pizza in the microwave. The microwave was ruined and the smell of burning was throughout the house. When my sister asked him what he did, he replied, "I only put it in for 10 minutes!"
BlueMeanie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:17:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've seen a pot of chili do that. We wallpapered the ceiling. Most of it fell right back into the pot.
Geawiel ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:48:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I somehow did that with a big container of Gatorade. It was one of those 64 oz ones and there was only about 1/2" of some left in it. I was watching him play on his computer. I dropped it from a height of about 3 ft and it hit flat on the bottom. It exploded all over my friend's dorm room like a volcano. He was finding Gatorade on his stuff for years after that.
Bbqbones ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:26:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yep. Dropped half a cereal bowl full of goulash. Walls and ceiling went from green to red. Window looked like I had murdered someone.
vgallant ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:56:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex husband did that and then threw the"fuck this I'm out" flag.
vohit4rohit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:23:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
10/10 with stains
Geminidragonx2d ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:49:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A can of Chef Boyardee ravioli once popped when I opened the lid and sprayed me and the kitchen in a similar fashion. I flinch every time I open one of those cans now.
eltoro ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:27:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I once dropped a can of cherry 7-up at night with the lights off. It hit just right to open a small hole, and start spinning around the floor while spraying red soda everywhere. Continued to find spray marks years later.
mountedpandahead ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:12:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had a sort of similar experience after drinking two and a half bottles of wine in college.
95percentconfident ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:54:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I too like to eat food with lower potential energy.
HalfCasual ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:19:16 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dropping it likely helped
" snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at a store, oftentimes, I will drop it, So that it achieves its maximum flavor potential. " -MH-
thedudebythething ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:57:40 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My wife did the same thing....with green paint. We are still, 3 years later, finding little specks of green paint in odd places in the kitchen...
SnakeJG ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:46:33 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My toddler dumped a bag of powdered sugar in the pantry. Not sure if that's better or worse than tomato sauce, but both suck.
RationalPolicy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:17:55 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had a roommate once who put one of those large glass containers of Valentina hot sauce on top of our fridge but placed it half on the freezer door and not far enough back. I opened the freezer door and the glass bottle hit the floor with an explosion of hot sauce. It soaked the entire floor and wall and even on the ceiling. Our place smelled like a Mexican restaurant for weeks.
sculptedpixels ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:03:54 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I did something similar with a jar of salsa once - it fell flat and upright, but the shock sent cilantro and picante flying fucking everywhere.
It's been years and I'm still finding new high-salsa-marks around the kitchen.
buttery_shame_cave ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:49:24 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
my wife had that exact same experience this weekend, except it was with a smoothie.
the roughest part is, i have to break out the tall ladder to be able to clean the ceiling off.
LoBo247 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:07:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is an example of cavitation, right?
Torvaun ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:24:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, because at no point do you create a void. This is an example of hydrostatic shock. Water is incompressible, so shock waves travel through it unimpeded. All of the energy from hitting the floor was transmitted through the sauce to the top, where it blasted sauce all over the place.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:22:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No...
morjul ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Similar experience except it was a smoothie and not red sauce. And I was in the shower not the kitchen.
dorekk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:29:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How the fuck did it reach the ceiling?!
AzureMagelet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:31:37 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When my brother was 10 or 11, he stuck his hand in a blender to get a piece of ice unstuck. His hand got pretty cut up and being the child he was, he shook his hand off, smoothie and blood all over the kitchen. My mom found his dried blood for months.
P0sitive_Outlook ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:10:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When i was eight, my father lifted me up to look out of our kitchen window over the counter. He lifted me too high, and my head smashed the florescent tube above.
We found sugar-sized pieces of glass:
In the microwave (closed)
In the cat food
Under the door
In the next room
In the sugar pot (sealed)
In the bread bin
In the cat's fur
and โข on top of the cupboards.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:55:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
ladylurkedalot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:41:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Season 3, episode 2 of Drake and Josh
iamchaossthought ยท 766 points ยท Posted at 14:16:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
this is less "confusing and annoying" and more "with murderous intent"
ChemistryRespecter ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 14:46:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh yeah, it would look like a fucking massacre orchestrated by John Wick.
KillerElfBoy ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:31:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It'd be a great thing to do right when you're leaving. Next level leaky bandits
Gilthwixt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:44:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Like sticky bandits in the sequel, only....stickier.
TrainAss ยท 360 points ยท Posted at 14:24:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jeeze. I mean.. Wow. Did someone kick your puppy?
Daggertrout ยท 424 points ยท Posted at 14:37:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
John Wick 2
Teves3D ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 14:50:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was depressed for 6 whole months because of that puppy
Gimme-a-Pen ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 16:25:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
but he was AVENGED!! and that made me happy.
RealityRush ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 18:15:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I actually appreciated that they gave the protagonist a valid reason to go on a murderous rampage in a mindless action flick. It really made me want to cheer for him and for all those evil fuckers to die slowly and painfully.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:54:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:58:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
murmanizan ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:51:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You have problems
Seanmed ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:33:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Where the puppy lives....
SirRobyC ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:09:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
FTFY
JackBauerSaidSo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:57:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
:Italian Descent
LTxBackside ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Spaghetti Boogaloo
Vanity_Blade ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:12:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Electric Boogaloo
ruinyourjokes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:23:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm excited
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:10:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I find it interesting that you and /u/ChemistryRespecter mentioned John Wick for seemingly different reasons.
Woahtheredudex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:20:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thats actually a thing thats happening.
Commando388 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I heard they're actually making that.
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:43:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
James Hetfield
ipuntpuppies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:57:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes
classic_guy_ ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:57:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Akbar is that you?
[deleted] ยท 3733 points ยท Posted at 13:34:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Woah there, Satan.
MephistoLordOfHatred ยท 669 points ยท Posted at 14:32:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah man, that's dark.
Lockdownhaden ยท 351 points ยท Posted at 14:57:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Even the Lord of Hatred thinks thats over kill
Iamchinesedotcom ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:41:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But not the Lord of Terror.
GenitalDiddler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:56:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The night is dark and full of terrors
belmacor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:17:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What about the Lord of destruction?
thrownawayzs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:47:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He might be.
Mister_Overkill ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:16:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I mean... Jeez
depaysementKing ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 14:49:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Relevant Username.
fnhflexy ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:59:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Never been more relevant
FullMetalBallsack ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:58:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Actually most microwaves have lights in them these days.
Sarcastic-Monkey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:30:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously. It's there any other setting than full blast on a microwave?
aaronkz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:44:17 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, but you have to enter the time first. Who has time for that?
Qwapz ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 16:12:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Woah there, originality.
NoRealsOnlyFeels ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:39:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That same exact comment is under almost every one of the top comments, I don't understand how people find that funny after the hundreds of times it's posted in every post like this.
I mean, le wew there le satan! xD I love le redit
slnz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:28:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Satan's greatest trick was to make us spend 5 minutes with a rag to clean our microwaves.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:34:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Some people would call this "arson"
PM_CREDIT_CARD_INFO ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:56:35 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
whenever people are like "I just laughed so hard you made me spit soda everywhere" I'm always just like "yea right" bc Ive never done that before in my life
however I was just eating cheetos and actually spit half chewed cheetoh matter all over my keyboard from laughing so thanks
GENERICREPLYAWARD ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:15:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
http://i.imgur.com/A0LD88f.jpg
shamestick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What's Stan have to do with this?
Greennight209 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:07:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
BV
human_machine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:51:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My LPT for that is nuking a large container of water for 8 minutes or so. It loosens that shit up for an easy cleanup.
PMmeYourButtPics ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 14:37:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry, never done this. What happens?
[deleted] ยท 83 points ยท Posted at 14:44:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Beardmaster76 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 14:57:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Also, depending on how long it takes them to find it would dry and be hard to clean and then possibly stain.
teambroto ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 15:01:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
lol dry? after the 4th minute it would be caked on permanently
Circletwerk42 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 15:46:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Even if you manage to pressure wash off the impermeable tomato crust the microwave would be left a bright radioactive orange forever.
kernunnos77 ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 15:29:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Easy fix.
Go buy an identical microwave at Walmart, then swap out your messy one and get a large, indignant, black woman to take it back for a refund and make a big scene about how it was like that when she got it replete with a loud embarrassing story of how it ruined her baby-daddy's special day (first time they did anal or something) because it kept her from being able to make him a good home-cooked meal.Just swap it out for a new one.Edited for clarity.
PilotLights ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 15:37:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well that was some unexpected racism!
teambroto ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:50:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/unexpectedracism
edit; of course its a thing
kernunnos77 ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 15:50:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, racism would be assuming that only one particular race is capable of behaving that way, or thinking "that's just how they all act."
Rather, I'm recommending a co-conspirator of a particular size, sex, and color for the extra intimidation factor in a customer service setting. Now that you mention it, though, she could loudly claim the store is being racist in order to expedite the exchange.
powerjbn ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:34:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
No, racism can also come in the form of stereotyping, which is what you were doing when you said that the black woman has a "baby-daddy" who she was excited to do anal with on her special day. That's pretty stereotype-heavy, and it's pretty racist.
It's like saying "I need to find a Jew to help me cut costs." Sure, you're not saying that only Jews are stingy, but you are still using stereotypes.
And while I don't really think this next part is really racist, you're not helping your case when you say that black people are more intimidating.
KingRyanidas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:24:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait....was it racist 'cause of the anal or 'cause of the hypothetical baby daddy?
powerjbn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:26:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Both. They're both part of the stereotype that you were using.
KingRyanidas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:25:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Huh. TIL
kernunnos77 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:26:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I guess my context wasn't clear and did become unintentionally racist.
Mostly I was trying to describe a customer-service worker's worst nightmare (which often ends in the customer's demands being met just to get them to leave). The descriptors I used weren't even all that relevant - they're just how I saw it playing it out in my head so that's how I wrote it.
Also, I don't know why people keep thinking I said black people are more intimidating. I said large, black, indignant women are more intimidating. Again, the race isn't important. Black is just an adjective, not an insult.
powerjbn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:29:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I guess I understand what you were going for, but you should have read it before submitting it because it really sounds racist.
PilotLights ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:25:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So... black people are more intimidating? Do they scare people more?
... still sounds like racism.
kernunnos77 ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 16:28:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How dare you ignore my sexist and size-ist remarks by focusing on the race! Next you'll be telling me that perpetually indignant people don't have rights, either!
KingRyanidas ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:25:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Eh. Your words.
FreakTechnics ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:11:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Would also smell like shit.
GanjaBus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:43:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And for 7 minutes means that shit ain't coming out without a chisel and hammer.
Barthez_Battalion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So I could eat my microwave after?
ninj3 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 14:43:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This kills the sauce.
And covers everything with it.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 14:44:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sauce goes EVERYWHERE and then bakes/burns on.
devlifedotnet ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:00:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Eggs... same principle, but protein is much harder to wipe off
flamingfreebird ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 16:03:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your mom never has a problem wiping off my protein.
(Sorry, saw the chance and took it.)
devlifedotnet ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:29:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
lol i did kinda set that one up for you, fair play
SFXBTPD ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:08:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And most people have eggs in their house
OMGSpaghettiisawesom ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:01:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You also have to boil noodles and leave the pot on the hot stove. Make them doubt their sanity. "Was I....was I making spaghetti?"
AnonymousLt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:38:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in college, somebody did this in our communal kitchen microwave... except with a paper plate of shit. We lost our kitchen privileges for the rest of the year.
GeneraleRusso ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:22:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I can already see the sauce blown to the moon
umphlet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:55:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Apparently that Weber cooks guy can put a bowl of noodles in the microwave for 10 minutes and pull it out with his bare hands.
iTimeMachine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jeez /u/Crusty_Munge slow down there, that's... that's just dark
3jt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:57:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
John Wick 2: Mom's Spaghetti
Karism ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of my ex-housemates from university.
NooMoahk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:02:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You should see what happens if you microwave a rotten sweet potato for 10 minute.
I could still smell it in the microwave occasionally, even after a year!
ShaneDAWS0N ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:03:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We'll be called the wet bandits, we'll leave their water on.
gerwen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:10:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Then do a few slices of bread for about 10 mins.
GoldenDaVinci ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:13:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
add cheedar cheese sauce in their too
tigerdrummer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:16:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think that's what my coworkers do.
pedantic_dullard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:16:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Any don't you just put a few bags of popcorn in there, while you're being a dick. Dick.
candylumps ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:22:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did your parents never hug you as a child? Jesus Christ, man!
IHateTheRedTeam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:25:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OR microwave fish for 10 minutes...
MeltsLikeButter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I lol'd at this. Just so wrong.. I like the way you think.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:57:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's just fucking sick.
Gecko_Sorcerer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:06:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did you leave the fork in there too?
I_blue_myself_87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:08:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is the best one yet.
I_PISS_FULL_FORCE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:09:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's just a new level of evil right there.
GoatCantEven ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:15:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mother would hunt for you until you cleaned the microwave....
WildTurkey81 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:16:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Relevant username.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You monster!
ImALoneWolfBaby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:21:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One time I thought the can could go in the microwave and started a fire.
DeltaWingFox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:23:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
God this made more chortle hard to myself
Noneofyouarefunny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:27:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
you fucking monster
Corky_Butcher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ANARCHY!! ๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ฅ
areraswen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:31:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Add some cooked fish that needs to be reheated to that and it's pure evil.
Mouler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:36:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, you want that to be a can of crushed tomato. Try an hour for an institutional sized can.
HeelTheBern ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:44:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide 3 small pieces of metal in their mivrowave. Paint same color as microwave
Blurgas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:52:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What the hell is wrong with you man?!
You need to have a few pieces of fish scattered around the bowl as well
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:52:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're sick
RageNorge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:52:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or noodles if you're a black kid? Don't forget the blank stare!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're a monster
Reddit_Novice ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:01:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You sick mother fucker
tilgare ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:01:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I highly recommend instead doing this with a closed container of honey.
1NSUR4NC3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:15:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You monster
RedditIsDumb4You ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:16:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would take that a billion times other than the phantom shitter
mlong14 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:29:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hell. My boyfriend's microwave always looks like this.
CallMeBigCedar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:34:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The true meaning of evil.
APsWhoopinRoom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:38:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Even better, stick a half dozen eggs in for 20 minutes. That microwave will never be useable again
JTINRI ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:39:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or alternatively, microwave an entire cartoon of unbroken eggs.
MajorMalaka75 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:41:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well played, Satan.
mmmmmmmbabies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:42:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Anyone ever try this with an egg? Great prank
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Challenge accepted. Put in a mug full with water and microwave on high for 3-5 minutes. Take a paper towel, wipe down easily.
MrPractical1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The spaghetti Bandits
ruthlessrellik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:55:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Empty an entire bag of Jumbo Marshmallows into their microwave and leave it for an hour.
AssFaceTittyMongler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:20:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hey we wanna fuck with them not blow their house up ok?
DntPnicIGotThis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:27:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You son of a bitch.
lapotatoe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:28:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You should be locked up in a cage.
withpurpose ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:30:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This one made me evil laugh out loud. Good one!
the-dork-knight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Right next to some raw rotten eggs. Lol
BobbyCock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:48:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This made me laugh so hard.
cartmancakes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:54:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hell, I do that just to annoy my wife!
MarkThePierate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:00:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I drink a lot of obnoxiously green, protien-ey smoothies, ie. perfect conditions for fermentation. I had forgotten one in my bag from the day before, in a warm house, without thinking I enthusiastically unscrewed the lid, releasing the surprisingly large amount of pressure and frothy green sludge. As you may have deduced by now, this resulted in my mother, my friend, my kitchen and I all getting a very healthy, very fragrant, greening. This was nearly a year ago, I moved the toaster oven the other day and found a couple green flecks on the kitchen wall...
SYBEAUPRE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:03:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Please don't do that, just steal something and leave!
mentalist_jane ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:04:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Calm down, Satan.
nace16 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:11:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ha! My roommates never clean the microwave anyway! I live in filth help me
TenMidgets ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:34:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You must be from Weber Cooks
Fr3ebird ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:36:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That is so evil not even Dante knows what to do with you.
7echArtist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:45:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That might be more evil then just taking some low cost items. I don't think the Microwave would survive. The mess that would make. cringes
stankin-ass-bitches ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:04:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
LPT: Put the sauce in the bottom of the bowl when heating spaghetti in the microwave
exatron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You can do better than that. Put the bowl of sauce in their cupboard with a couple bowls on top then wait a bit.
BruceTheUnicorn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:15:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Found the radical Pastafarian.
Famixofpower ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:25:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Smelly?
sleepytornado ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:36:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In college I used to sneak into other dorms and microwave popcorn for 8 minutes. It was evil.
alBashir ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:42:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In a non microwave safe bowl
jaijaikali ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:42:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Calm down, Satan.
proxy108 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:59:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This works with fish to. You ever had a co worker who tried microwaving fish in the office break room? Yeah...
The_Comma_Splicer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:11:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Microwave Safe Guard
fluffspeed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:26:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You evil bastard!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:34:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're basically Ramsay Bolton...
pFunkdrag ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:34:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You are an animal. Anything but this.
Bl00perTr00per ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:51:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha
se1ze ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:52:44 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sicko.
Twinge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:15:56 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I work at a thrift store. Pretty much every microwave that's donated looks like someone did this.
joesatmoes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:55:06 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Actually a few years ago on a school trip, we were staying the night in 2 hotels, 1 for girls and 1 for boys. Apparently, in the girls hotel one person did that on accident. From what I've heard, the entire floor-if not the entire hotel- had to evacuate. Must have been a rough night.
DSPR ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:42:39 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That should be a standard button on all microwaves: "FULL BLAST"
morris1022 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:57:08 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
90 seconds. Not enough to wake anyone immediately, but gives you time to get out. Then the thing just does that beep continuously every few minutes to remind you something is in the microwave. Hopefully it's a married couple and they get into a passive aggressive argument because they both think the other did it and forgot/is lying, but it's not a big enough deal to get really angry, just the principle of it. Then, like 6 months later, they're fighting about something completely different and legit and one of them says "and the worst part, the worst part, is that you lied about that fucking sauce. What kind of a person microwaves sauce at 3am and then lies about it? You weren't even making pasta!"
mega_brown_note ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:21:22 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out.
to_shy_to_ask ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:29:26 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I once desperately craved popcorn as a kid, so i once placed a corn husk on the microwave for 10 minutes. Forgot it. Came back with 2 very pissed parents
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:52:38 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Add a blop of water into it first.
Sup_Grade ยท 6718 points ยท Posted at 12:28:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place fine threads across doorways and hallways, right at face height, to fake the feeling of walking through a spiderweb (leave a message and I'll call you back)
betty_netch ยท 3673 points ยท Posted at 13:40:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or, to create less work for you, you could fill their house with actual spiders and they can put the webs up instead!
cjhobbes ยท 1964 points ยท Posted at 14:14:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
delegation!
Bear_Taco ยท 770 points ยท Posted at 14:54:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's the sign of a true retail manager if I ever saw one. If I was a corporate-type I'd hire the fuck out of him.
ColaMonkey36 ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 15:18:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"That a straight shooter with upper management written all over him"
Yes_Manz ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 15:37:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"You can just go ahead and move a little bit to the left. Yeah, that's it. Great."
arb93 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 14:59:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
delegation is my bosses favourite word i swear
HuoXue ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:33:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
After working fast food, I can't stand that word.
onewordnospaces ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 15:43:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The trick is to "delegate up," making management work for you.
arb93 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:41:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i work in retail, i get told i need to delegate more by more boss
secondphase ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:20:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
... The spider?
HolySloth ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:20:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Working smarter not harder
Miguelinileugim ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:40:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Being able to delegate is nothing if you don't know how to motivate people.
Bear_Taco ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:15:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Motivating is nothing compared to belittling your employees, forcing them all to work minimum wage, and replacing all the seasoned employees, who know what they're doing, with kids fresh out of high school!
Miguelinileugim ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:27:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's only if your business is competing in a bottom end low skill sector where reputation doesn't matter and the only way to undercut competitors is to pay as little as possible for as much work as possible.
Those businesses usually have the lowest profit margins and pretty crappy management which, facing its own incompetence, would rather take the easy road of cutting wages rather than actually trying to increase their profits sustainably.
Bear_Taco ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:30:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Like KMart! That place sucked and still does. Or whatever is left of it anyway.
Jawbreaker93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:08:36 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The issue is you have to pay all of those spiders now.
Mr_E ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:45:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stop fucking around on Reddit and get back to work, low-level wage serf!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:22:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Got damn spiders err taking err jerbs!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:02:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dey tok r jeeerbs!
Wolfturn ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:30:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hmm.. I'm gonna delegate the delegation to you.
valeyard89 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:03:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A straight web shooter with middle management written all over him
fernguts ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:48:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
arachnification!
TopCheddar27 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:12:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Synergy!
Blackman2099 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:34:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One of the key traits of being a good leader
the-dork-knight ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:37:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's how the USA was built!
GooseJaw ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:08:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, I'm 100% certain spiders didn't have anything to do with building the USA. That was the Chinese. You're getting them confused again....
life_xpantion_pack ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:10:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is what you need.
Brandon4466 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:42:31 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You know how the saying goes:
"Get it off your plate. Give it to someone else."
AmeliaLeah ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 15:15:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make sure the spiders can communicate with the cats so they know the best place to put them!
chaun2 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 15:30:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
FUCK THAT. FUCK YOU. NO. CATS AND SPIDERS CANNOT UNITE. HUMANITY IS FUCKED
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:04:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If cats attempted world domination, all we'd have to do is feed them fancy feast then wait until they pass out in the sun! Nice try, Mr. Mittens, but you're going back in your carrier!
belleodis ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 15:17:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If someone did this to my house, I'd never find out if they took anything. It would all be "lost in the fire" on the insurance claim.
layuptobreastspike ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:37:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We're trying to annoy people, not cause mass suicide in a household.
lipgloss2 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 15:00:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Calm down, Satan.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 15:25:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I'd almost rather have stuff stolen than dealing with a spider infestation.
chaun2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:29:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Meh, that's just an excuse to try out my flamethrower
KingRyanidas ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:31:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
plus then you can write it off as an insurance loss. "oh, weird, yeah I dunno, I just came home and it was on fire." (casually slides flamethrower away with toe...)
chaun2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:36:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"And when the cops came through
Me and Dre stood next to a burnt down house
With a can full of gas and a hand full of matches
And still weren't found out"
-M. Mathers
Thakrawr ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:52:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're a straight shooter with middle management written all over you.
sergio___0 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:22:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This guy fucks
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:09:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But then technically you'd be an arsonist not a burglar since you know the only proper solution to that is burning the house down.
TacoWolf1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:14:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Exterminate, exterminate, EXTERMINATE!!!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:05:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Say 'you're different from me'."
"EXTERMINATE"
"Now say 'I love you', don't ask why just do it. "
"EXTERMINATE"
slnz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:23:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Victim ends up burning house to the ground
roeravid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:26:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A direct result of the arachnicultural revolution!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:43:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A friend actually did this. But with praying mantis larve.. about 400 in fact
CaLaHa717 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:46:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I honestly would not be friends with someone who did that to me.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:44:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
All I can think about is the mmo episode of always sunny
gtmustang ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:46:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is how house fires start.
23Tawaif ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:00:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Found the MBA xD
APsWhoopinRoom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:39:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But then you have to be near tons of spiders
rwwman50 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Poison spiders?
joosier ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If they have a pet tarantula, steal the tarantula but leave the cage with the lid ajar.
DrSchmickWickit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You also label the spiders 1, 2, and 4. Then enjoy the sheer terror when they can't find 3.
eltoro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:29:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I suggest orb-weaving spiders.
http://www.entsoc.org/PDF/2010/Orb-weaving-spiders.pdf
ClumpOfCheese ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:37:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've been buying these organic grapes where they use spiders instead of pesticides. Spiders can be pretty awesome. Filling their house with spiders would just make the place more organic and natural.
Jaywebbs90 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:31:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
nah you gotta fill it with a lot of flies then so they actually try to build the webs.
FearedShad0w ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:17:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Easy there satan
440Music ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:48:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Beardmaster76 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wow that's brilliant.
Saoirse-on-Thames ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:53:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not necessarily:
Beardmaster76 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:11:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So, just a few spiders and spread them out well?
cometcrasher ยท 485 points ยท Posted at 13:49:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So, its all your fault I screen my phone calls?
theinsanepotato ยท 143 points ยท Posted at 14:44:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No matter who calls?
wolfpwarrior ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 16:56:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm out of the loop. ELI5?
bwlonge ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 17:04:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't speak
teraflux ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 17:21:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I know just what you're saying
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 20:07:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So please stop explaining
Lord_Rapunzel ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 20:29:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts.
I_are_facepalm ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 21:25:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'M JUST A GIRL!!!
Rance_Mulliniks ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:36:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Living in captivity?
blacksantron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:48:49 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
On Sunday morning!
rawmetal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:32:22 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Things sure have changed since yesterday?
thamiam ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 17:43:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The explanation is you are closer to 5 than the age of anybody in this thread.
myheartisstillracing ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:34:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, if only it were 1995 again...
https://youtu.be/6ZktNItwexo
theinsanepotato ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 17:56:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's an old song that was re-popularized by guitar hero. The chorus goes something like "sorry I'm not home right now,I'm walking on the spider webs, but leave a message and I'll call you back. Its all your fault i screen my phone calls. No mater who calls, i screen my phone calls."
ChrisAshtear ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:11:20 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Addendum: that whole album (Tragic Kingdom) is really good shit, check it out.
EmmaBourbon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:31:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
FTFY
kongu3345 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:46:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
rawmetal ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:35:10 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tow mater!
xXReWiCoXx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No voice-mail, nobody calls
Fdez90 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 14:59:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's No Doubt
Zaculus ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 14:52:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No matter (matter matter matter) who calls, you screen your phone calls?
science_love_fun ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:31:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Vastly underrated. Good job
Azzizzi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:02:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No matter matter who calls?
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:46:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And put screen doors in my halls
needsabiggerboat ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No matter who calls?
Uprunning ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 17:45:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always thought it was I screen my balls off.
NCSUGrad2012 ยท 200 points ยท Posted at 13:26:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Then listen to the screams as everyone tried to find the spider.
ChemistryRespecter ยท 207 points ยท Posted at 14:50:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You try to find the spider and you walk into your wife's room and see that she's turned into a spider.
cut to black
Gravesh ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 15:14:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Congratulations, you just captured the image of a Franz Kafka novel.
bridgeventriloquist ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 15:35:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's the image of a Dennis Villeneuve movie called Enemy, actually. Very kafkaesque though.
godrim ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 15:14:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do you have an identical twin you don't know about?
BroTheCat ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:27:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Underrated reference.
spiralmonkeycash ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:47:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
that movie was weird as fuck. I enjoyed it, but I'm not sure I understood it. Did he have a split personality?
pixelTirpitz ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:45:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v9AWkqRwd1I
Enjoy.
RedheadsAreNinjas ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:59:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I like that in your scenario the wife and partner have separate bedrooms cause she might be a spidey
Rock_Carlos ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:05:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Good movie.
Justice_Wargrave ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:16:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Calm down M. Night Shyamalan
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:59:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's actually from the movie Enemy. Creepy as hell that scene.
Circletwerk42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:43:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, did you just spell his name correctly?
CharlesDickensABox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:45:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, the traditional spelling is Shamalamadingdong.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:05:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like the plot to a Kafka novel
Kerrigore ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:06:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Then you look down at yourself and realize you're a spider. The floor is spiders. The walls are spiders. The furniture is spiders.
EVERYTHING IS SPIDERS!!!!
Blazebeing ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:20:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Obscure metaphysical explanation to cover a phenomenon, reasons dredged out of the shadows to explain away that which cannot be explained. Call it parallel planes or just insanity. Whatever it is, you find it in the Twilight Zone.
rabbitshooter90000 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:38:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
if you mom is a spider, your dad is a spider, and you are an eight-legged arthropod, there's a point at which you have to come to terms with the fact that you are a spider.
Didn't happen for me until I was about 25.
Au_Vulpes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:02:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Everything is on the cob!
takeachillpill666 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:37:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
everything?
Raydot_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:43:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
3 weeks earlier
SteveBloke ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, what, you have separate rooms?
xScarfacex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:10:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/totallynotspiders
InukChinook ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:51:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The blacks name? Albert Einstein.
ThatGuyEveryoneLikes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:11:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
deep sigh
theseus12347 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:22:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Alright, gang. Let's see who's under that mask.
M. Night Shamalan? You were /u/ChemistryRespecter all along?
cuentanueva ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 15:16:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck that movie. Really good and then that bullshit.
Kevintrades ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:15:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
no
AlexBagheri ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:43:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I love the idea of how you'd do that with the clear intent that your wife is the spider, and that a spider didn't just show up into your room. Even if it was a giant spider, it needs a bathrobe and curlers on at least.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:23:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Directed by M. Night Shyamalan.
yf-23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:57:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Actually it was Denis Villeneuve
AkariAkaza ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:39:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Release 9 spiders with 1 - 8 on them and then put 10 on the 9th one. They'll be paranoid for years
SniDa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:10:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would just burn the house down
CoRoT-7b ยท 292 points ยท Posted at 14:39:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A likely stooryyyyy, leave a message and i'll call you back.
VictorSage ยท 85 points ยท Posted at 15:50:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And iiiiiiiits all youuuuurr fault. I screeeeeeeen my phonnnnne calllllss
iownakeytar ยท 74 points ยท Posted at 15:59:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No matter matter matter matter whooooo calls, I gotta screeEEeeEEeeEEeen my phone caaaalls!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:31:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
leave a message and i'll call you back.
If this is an inside joke, someone 'splain it to me.
iownakeytar ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 16:45:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No Doubt - Spiderwebs. Lyrics.
atrich ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:42:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's what she's been saying?!?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:32:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
https://youtu.be/6ZktNItwexo
SgtMac02 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:26:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I will never be able to hear that lyric as anything but "I scream my balls off" go listen to it now with that in your head. I swear it's there.
LeCucumber ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:32:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't hear it but I like it so I'm keeping it.
VictorSage ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:47:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nope. Can't unhear that now.
APairofDocks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:35:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always thought she said I scream on phone calls
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:41:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave a message and I'm Bob Eubanks.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:18:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/thathappened #hollaback
androbot ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 14:17:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No doubt.
Pulpedyams ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 13:49:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unlikely story!
AshleyBanksHitSingle ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 14:48:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
*A likely story.
jgaribay805 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 14:53:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A likely story
Killaxxbee ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:04:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A likely story
drewbydrewbydrew ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:44:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That'd be pretty scary. No doubt.
Someuserguy ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:01:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Had to reread that last line until it clicked and then suddenly I heard Gwen singing to that sweet groove
joopitermae ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:29:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's No Doubt that'd be pretty obnoxious.
Metalmind123 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:16:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or just release a shitload of spiders into the house, along with some small flies to feed them.
Guzzles ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:07:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One of my friend's voicemail is that quote from the song said in the most matter of fact, disinterested way possible.
It unnerves me to hear it. Ugh.
accdodson ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:15:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or, if you secure them enough, decapitation!
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 14:51:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Haha, how mildly annoying and confusing!
JXDKred ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 14:53:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Oops. Why is mom's head on the floor?? Bwahahaha"
intlwaters ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:18:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave a message and I'll call Kevin Eubanks
obievil ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:02:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just take your upvote
BroKing ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:06:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The end really made your post great, no doubt.
CatHairInYourEye ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:12:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This happens almost every morning I leave my house. Fucking annoying.
Egosim ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:16:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I never understood this. Whenever I walk outside I always run into spider webs especially in my drive way. There's no walls other than my house or trees.
CFJ561 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:28:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well now that song will be stuck in my head all day . You win!
admiral_snap ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:49:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Up vote for the no doubt reference.
mega_brown_note ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:22:52 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
That you, Gwen Stefani?
magicboy02 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:01:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You didnt just reference this fucking song... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZktNItwexo
mikemazda3 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:01:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I got the nineties reference.
Curiouscucu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:08:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Chewing gums are better.
FatGordon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:16:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Some men just want to watch the world burn
Slappah_Dah_Bass ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:24:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ha...unlikely story
aclymer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:31:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry I'm not home right now i'm walking into spiderwebs, but leave a message and I'll call you back
BuckeyedWolfpack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:50:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Upvote for No Doubt
Robear69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:07:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What about fine piano wire instead?
reddit_give_me_virus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:19:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We used to do this with copper wire from breaking open a handset on pay phone back in the day. String it up at chest height and watch drunks get clotheslined lol
everythingZero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:27:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I pictured this much darker when I started reading it. Like on The Haunting when the piano string tightens and slaps the lady in the face. I pictured the thread slicing their face and thinking that's an awfully morbid way to annoy or confuse someone.
frank_da_tank99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:28:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A likely story
Mollywobbles225 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:45:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Of all the things I expected to see on Reddit today, an early No Doubt reference was not one of them. Holy shit.
DoesItSmellLikeTuna ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:55:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unlikely story
Craptardo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I did that as a prank to a roommate, I used a small transparent tape, at should height, so he would be aware that something is wrong. His girlfriend was there, which I didn't know, she ended up being the victim and she had the tape in her face. Was still funny.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:03:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ooooo that's creepy.
SonicFlash01 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:24:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd scre-e-e-eam my bones off
KingRyanidas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:27:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A likely story.
King_Kross ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:39:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'll one up you here.
Rather than that just give them 1000 spooders!!!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
fine thread, razor wire, whatever works best for you
ModusPwnins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:25:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well thank you, that song is stuck in my head now.
BladeOfXephos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:29:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I like the reference.
GoodDeedDonny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:30:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No doubt you're getting upvoted for that
n0remack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:00:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
fishing line!
Jacksonspace ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jokes on you! I'm short!
Sparkly1982 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:16:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A likely story.
wintercast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But I'm just a girl
carpet111 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:41:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or leave a ton of well anchored fine threads so they are stopped in their tracks
NEEDZMOAR_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:28:08 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
wow hitler calm down.
Mr_Wasteed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:08:13 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
PS: dont write I'll be back. They might think themselves as John Connor
MLaw2008 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:01:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ugh I walked into a spider web 2 nights ago while walking to my car... Turned my phone light on and found the damn thing dangling between my legs and slammed myself right in the dick.
Fucking spiders.
kpacny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:17:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What the Hell does "leave a message and I'll call you back" has to do with the rest of the sentence.
Sup_Grade ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:50:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't speak
kpacny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:26:50 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't get it
idiotpod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:28:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No no, put vaselin on the toiletseat
awesomecutepandas ยท 6395 points ยท Posted at 12:27:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place salt in the sugar container and then put sugar in the salt container.
NicNoletree ยท 632 points ยท Posted at 14:12:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
https://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1350&dat=19620312&id=hcROAAAAIBAJ&sjid=MAEEAAAAIBAJ&pg=2107,1378853&hl=en
Steptomyworld ยท 812 points ยท Posted at 15:36:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
TIL two things: salt kills babies and you can read old newspapers in Google.
lengau ยท 469 points ยท Posted at 17:48:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
More evidence that babies are slugs.
Glorx ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 20:00:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shitty slayer XP though.
maxximum_ride ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:49:28 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, you.
serventofgaben ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:54:55 on July 1, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Old School or rs3?
sveitthrone ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:26:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
JUST LIKE THE GYPSEY WOMAN SAID
popejohnthebroiest ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:52:54 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or slugs are babies.
Ucantalas ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 20:22:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, thats really cool! I ended up checking out some really old newspapers on Google. There was one, The Times, from 1801, that was really cool. There was a bunch of stuff about ships landing and when they're leaving, and prices for stuff on the ships. And there was an ad for a $20 reward for a "likely negro-fellow named SAM about 5 feet 8 or 9 inches high, stout and well made, understands a little of the bricklaying business".
There's also a want ad "Wanted to Purchase, a Negro girl, about 14 or 15 years of age, capable of attending about house. Enquire at the Office of the Times."
It's so interesting to see how much things have changed since then.
Tinfoilpain ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 18:18:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wanna know how it ended now.
khosikulu ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:57:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
She never faced charges (the hospital called her a model employee and she was pregnant at the time), and she always maintained she had filled from the correct container. The hospital settled with the families, for $7,000 for each death. See links via this normally clickbaity Listverse unintentional mass killer list. She was still apparently alive and living in Binghamton as of 2012, which is surprising because I'd have expected her to leave town. I don't know if she was removed from employment with the hospital--I didn't see anything either way.
KickFacer ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 18:23:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why are they giving babies sugar
exrex ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 20:40:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They weren't. Weren't you listening? Sheesh.
SavvySillybug ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:34:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Because giving them salt would kill them! Duh.
AwkwardRainbow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Because...
himanxk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:13:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's part of baby formula
GregoryBluehorse ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:56:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It doesn't surprise me. I mean, babies are basically slugs for the first year of their lives
Fuzzwy ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 17:35:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/oldnews
In case you're interested in old newspapers.
ETCG_FlareCat ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:11:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I didn't know Google did that. Pretty neat.
ModernViking ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:59:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
r/nocontext
Pherllerp ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:11:24 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fun Fact: Google Books or whatever they call it these days, has nearly every book written before the year 1920 scanned and available for free.
gakule ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:21:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Random Toledo Blade article hahaha.. never expect places close to home to be posted on Reddit... unless of course there is an algae bloom!
thingsok ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:10:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't even notice this was toledo until you said something!
bstampl1 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:54:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is potentially a very, very useful bit of knowledge. Keeping this one in my pocket for the future
NicNoletree ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 17:49:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
... wonders what you are planning :(
aykcak ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 15:12:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why were they giving SUGAR to the babies in the first place??
BritneySmears ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 15:40:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
1962
NicNoletree ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:39:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, it's not like they had the baby formula options we have now.
kittenstixx ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My thoughts exactly
HoldOnOneSecond ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:44:41 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't think you were much capable of thought.
friday6700 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:27:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
of course it's my city.
lizardgurl ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:08:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
reminds me of the salt poisoner
-___-_-_-- ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:05:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"One of america's great newspapers"
Newspapers were a lot more modest back then
serccsvid ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:04:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Can people not just tell the difference between sugar and salt by looking at it? Am I the only one?
donwilson ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 15:26:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not if the salt is fine enough.
FirstWaveMasculinist ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:53:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i doubt they were paying attention to the appearance of the sugar that was already inside the sugar container.
achmeineye ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:35:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus man. I think if i'd accidently killed 7 babies I would just go ahead and kill myself
ijustwantanfingname ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 17:26:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is 8 babies your life goal?
achmeineye ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:37:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Like, killing 8 babies?
LelviBri ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:52:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, that hospital has a record of dumb shit like that as well
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:04:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
like what?
LelviBri ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:17:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The article states that this was the second investigation about salt in two years and in 1959 a women died from a radiation overdose due to an incompetent radiologist (those are the things mentioned in this article, I'm pretty sure there are more cases though)
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:31:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
sorry, I only speed-read the start of the article.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:03:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, it just says second investigation. The radiation one is the second investigation they are talking about.
LelviBri ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:16:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, ok. I didn't realize the newspaper was that old
awepicness ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:02:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
:(
BadBrad526 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:44:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Blade has not changed layout in 52 years, I thought that was a recent article at first.
Nayzo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Weird. I was born there. Fortunately, years later.
maneo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I lived in Binghamton for four years... Lol
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:24:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
NicNoletree ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:43:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
... and I often get my apostrophes correct too!
fullmetalpopsical ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:16:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kill 7 babies, get suspended, not sure the punishment fits the crime
necropants ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:46:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Somewhere out there is a practical joker who accidentally killed 7 babies and is now probably a shipwreck of a person.
khan_the_terrible ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:10:07 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Joykill.
NicNoletree ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:27:10 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I do not know if any of the children were named Joy, and it wasn't my fault.
pgkfrost ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:33:16 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Funny this happened about 10 minutes from where I live never knew that that happened
storander ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:26:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That escalated quickly...
HumSol ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 02:42:02 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Who the fuck is putting sugar in baby formula!?
kitjen ยท 3554 points ยท Posted at 14:02:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sweet.
awesomecutepandas ยท 3561 points ยท Posted at 14:07:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Salty.
Gameghostify ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:48:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/GlobalOffensive /r/overwatch /r/salt
Jourdy288 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:33:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/Dota2 says hello.
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 83 points ยท Posted at 14:38:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sour.
Nightguard119 ยท 58 points ยท Posted at 15:14:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Gone.
monsto ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:15:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sweet.
Salty.
Sour.
Gone.
masonkbr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wild
heyimaaron ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:13:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh tough break, not even close. The correct answer we were looking for was "Sour Patch Kids"
Thanks for coming on the show Mason!
GarethPW ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:34:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sexual.
GrayTiger44 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:25:03 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How it feels to chew 5 gum.
thebeerdedwonder ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 14:54:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
BAM!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:20:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Let's kick it up a notch!
A_huge_waffle ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:29:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cover Girl.
EvilBosom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You sick fuck, OP. Too far.
skyguy28 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:50:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Gone.
Nekomancerr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nah you need to buy citric acid for that. Looks just like salt or sugar
Hockeygoalie35 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:34:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sour Patch Kids
NESpahtenJosh ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:42:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shit.
callsyousteven ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:43:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cover Girl.
knoubis ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:10:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Gone.
Pm_me_ur_muffboxes ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:35:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Gay.
TheBigsquaduesh ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:39:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Gone
riptide747 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:51:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Savory?
hairyerectus ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:27:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Savory
washburnapp ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:39:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No.
AndrewSaidThis ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:11:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Savory.
AbjectDisaster ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 15:14:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Too sweet to be sour to nice to be mean.
denhelder ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:55:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I know something else that's sweet 'n salty...
Lehtarasenko ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 15:08:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
JELLIES AND CRACKERS
subsurreal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry i'm new to reddit and was wondering what ^ these meant? I keep seeing them around!
Mujesus-Christ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:39:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Superscripts, bby. Wannamakeitsmaller?Youcan!
subsurreal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:38:55 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ohh!!! Thank you! :D I use mobile so i think it doesn't appear HAHA
Mujesus-Christ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:39:52 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, it works on desktop.
Vertimyst ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:38:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you asking what '' means? Like literally the carot symbol? It's used to refer to the post above you.
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 16:31:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Fallingoutthewindow ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 15:25:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sea-salt ice cream?
zackarhino ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:15:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't that from a Kingdom Hearts II?
LordEpsilonX ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:08:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your mom?
denhelder ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:58:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, my mom's dead.
LordEpsilonX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:08:55 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry to hear that :(
Gaelican ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:30:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Teriyaki
buzzkill_aldrin ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:42:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cracker Jack.
XxTheSequelxX ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:26:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swalty.
jotadeo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:45:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What does mine say?
xenite4evar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:48:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Spicy?
SpeedMirageIfYouWill ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:13:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remain.
Do I win something now?
tomoms ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:56:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
was hoping for a Brexit reference... wasn't disappointed
roeravid ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:28:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And everything nice!
These are the ingredients to create the perfect little girls!
jefeperro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:40:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Savory
PM_ME_HOT_DOGS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:51:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your guys' matching upvotes are so cute! Reddit twinkies!!!
nmwood98 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Gone.
hitmarker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:12:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why not both? ยฏ\_ (ใ)_/ยฏ
Ronald_Raygun_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:14:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Satan
AlastairEvans ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:38:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Relevant XKCD
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:40:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tasty... oh are we playing candy crush?
kilkil ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No no, see, it makes them salty
CreativityX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:06:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why does this have so many upvotes? It's not even clever...
JAZEYEN ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take five.
NeedsNewPants ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Umami.
victoriugh_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:35:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And everything nice.
MarkThePierate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:52:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Langur
EbNinja ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:01:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A crazy counter-intuitive snack.
RoanAur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Please keep these comments at equal upvotes.
SilicateStimulus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:23:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My username is partially relevant
analectomy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:36:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tasty!
msx8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:22:54 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jizz
MikeyJuiceBox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:23:04 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Savage.
rex2oo9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:10:35 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pepper.
Half_Man1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:09:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Surprise.
yaheh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:28:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swealty
CommittingSudoku ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:17:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Perfect.
secondphase ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:20:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sour.
migle75 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:34:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Gone.
colossusj ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 15:03:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But what does mine say?
Aro769 ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 15:22:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dude. What does mine say?
oldboy_alex ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 17:11:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sweet. What does mine say?
QueenArc ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 17:59:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck you. What does Mike say?
addem67 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:26:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
SWEET! What does mine say?
22254534 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:22:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dude.
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 14:12:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you kidding? I would assalt you over this.
AP246 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:47:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No need to be so sour.
cptstupendous ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:57:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Calm down, sugar.
AP246 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:58:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Savour the moment.
Top_Gorilla17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:31:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is why we can't have nice things, Pepper.
kernunnos77 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:36:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's not what umami said!
yummyyummypowwidge ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:11:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks, Candy Crush
Zierlyn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:45:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Glad I wasn't the only one who read that in that voice.
awwkwardapple ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:09:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Baby
darby087 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:57:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
dude. ok whats mine say
Johnappleseed4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:15:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or salty. Depends which you pick first.
Captain-Obviouss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:55:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What does mine say?
danielkok80 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:03:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What does mine say?
Flasenamed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:59:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
DUDE!!!!
main_motors ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:24:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dude.
What does mine say?
coolboard613 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:54:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dude.
Davinator_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:40:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dude.
goldsmit409 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:25:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think you meant salt
PingedSpinxz ยท 571 points ยท Posted at 14:14:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus Christ he said fuck with them, not kill them...
Kim_Jong_OON ยท 267 points ยท Posted at 14:41:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, the amount of salt I would have in my coffee would be deadly.
PingedSpinxz ยท 81 points ยท Posted at 14:43:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You would almost have as much salt as your average League Of Legends game
Kim_Jong_OON ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 15:15:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dota2 but close enough
IAMA_Ghost_Boo ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:59:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or a Reynad stream.
seeker12789 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:00:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you put enough you might reach Dynamic Q tier salt
JangoDarkSaber ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:48:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ayooo
32Dog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:49:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or all of Reddit after Brexit
kirmaster ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:04:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This needs a lot less sugar.
Kim_Jong_OON ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Yeah, I'd go through that way quicker than I should. No way am I paying 55$ for 1000mL. But, it looks like good coffee.
Edit: typo.
ScaryBananaMan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:14:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I mean you only need like a few drops, it's not like you'd drink it as normal coffee
Kim_Jong_OON ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:50:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't realize this at first. So it would last a bit longer than I thought, but unless it makes close to 300 cups of coffee, for that price I can choose whatever brand I want.
kirmaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:28:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You can make a cup of coffee with 50 mL of that and hot water for the rest. It's super concentrated.
Kim_Jong_OON ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ahh, I see. That could be interesting, but still doubt I could make it last long. I really enjoy my coffee.
m0rogfar ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:05:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Possibly true, but you would notice how salty it was, and then spit it out instantly, before consuming the salt.
Kim_Jong_OON ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:14:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Agreed. I wouldn't drink it, but if one did, that would sure suck.
Bizurns ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:46:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I read this as I was pouring sugar into my coffee and doing my usual slow count to 10. I feel ya.
DarkTowerRose ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:02:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Get ready for stomach rumbles that register on the Richter scale! Salt water is a great laxative if you don't mind the noxious gas!
Kim_Jong_OON ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:51:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Haha, no way would I finish it, but if one did, things wouldn't end well.
pielover375 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:25:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You wouldn't drink it
haggy87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:04:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You clearly never had salt in your coffee then. As soon as the first drop is in your mouth you can't resist to spit it out no matter what. That taste is so unbearably disgusting
My university cafeteria filled up the sugar with salt by accident. We all got a bunch of free stuff because we were so disgusted
Kim_Jong_OON ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:16:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, I would spit it out, just the amount of it in there would be lethal if it was drank.
No_Hetero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:32:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Assuming you would for some reason continue drinking it
Kim_Jong_OON ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:06:48 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's been stated, more than once.
W_O_M_B_A_T ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:03:00 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
DRANK COFFEE. DOESN'T MATTER.
B5D55 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:24:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stop , that's coffee abuse , sugar should not by any means meet a coffee
Kim_Jong_OON ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:47:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You see, that's your opinion. I enjoy coffee black, then there's times of only creamer, and when I'm at home, a nice cup of smooth sweet creamy bliss.
Maybe instead of saying it shouldn't, you should you don't, because it tastes wonderful to me.
ThundercuntIII ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 16:43:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stop eating so much sugar, fatty.
viensanity ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:08:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Haha classic /u/ThundercuntIII
Kim_Jong_OON ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:46:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So fat. I mean, 6'4 male weight maybe 165, most people say I need to eat more.
Meh, I'm happy, feeling great, and don't watch what I eat though. So yeah, if you saw how much I eat, you would probably say fatty, until you see me, then it's just "WTF."
ThundercuntIII ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 17:57:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not being or becoming fat doesn't mean a fat peoples lifestyle is ok. It means you'd go for fries before you'd help a friend. Fatty.
Kim_Jong_OON ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:20:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rofl? Making homemade meals to share with friends is picking fries over them?
How about a bag o dicks for ya? Seems to be up your alley.
ztsmart ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:15:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How is your diabetes doing?
Kim_Jong_OON ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:18:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nonexistent. How about yours?
So unhealthy because I put sugar in my coffee, right? Go eat a dick, it's probably right up your nutrition alley.
ztsmart ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:06:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
U wot m8?
Kim_Jong_OON ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:11:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As in I don't have Diabeetus.
Thought maybe you did.
I'm infering that you believe I make terrible life decisions from the fact that you believe I like my coffee pretty sweet from the presumption of diabeetus.
This is just me deciding to give you the same type of treatment you gave me.
Is that clear for ya?
ztsmart ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:17:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Clearly you are bitter from being overweight so you took xtra-offense to my comment. Maybe you should take all that anger energy out at the gym to burn off excessive amount of sugar you poison your coffee with? or you can just sit around and get fatter while posting on Reddit
Kim_Jong_OON ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:09:21 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or maybe because I get told I need to eat more all the time and it's annoying. Judging anyone for anything is stupid, whether I'm fat or not, but am 6'4 and 165lb male, way on the skinny side bro.
I bet you're fat, lol, is that why you focus on it online?
Yeah, it's a stupid argument. I don't want to have it. You're obviously an idiot.
ztsmart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:04:41 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
U wot m8? I swear on me mum I will REK u
SGSXR11 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:58:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
The-Great-Jebus ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:20:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe It's because I never read the Bible, but does jesus really say that ?
Razgriz01 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:26:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, I'd notice near instantly if something that was supposed to be sweet was unexpectedly very salty. And vice versa.
SthrnGal ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 14:31:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I did this for an April Fool's joke one year when I was in grade school. Forgot I did it and could not figure out why my cereal tasted like shit.
ninj3 ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 14:55:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You did this prank on yourself? I don't think you really understand the concept...
Ralph_Charante ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:26:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This isn't the thing to focus on, why was he adding sugar to his already sugary cereal?
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:04:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They look alike so the prankee doesn't notice until they take a drink of their salty coffee
(I, too, did this to my parents on an April Fools day 30 years ago)
ninj3 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:12:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I get it, I'm questioning the wisdom in performing a prank on one's own supplies so to speak.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:14:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
no wisdom, OP said that they Forgot I did it
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 14:20:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or for even more laughs replace their sugar with cocaine.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:31:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
FTFY
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:05:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why would you snort sugar?
heat_it_and_beat_it ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:24:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You can take this much further. Replace the powdered sugar with flour, the potato flakes with soap flakes, replace the paprika with ground ghost peppers, etc.
iwouldliketosayhey ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:01:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put them together and you've got ... SULGAR!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:59:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Great for margaritas
Hopeful_Swine ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:38:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Salgur
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:00:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Still great for margaritas
Clienterror ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:43:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I did something similar to my friends parents growing up, toothpaste in the hand soap dispensers.
yanroy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:00:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was little I had a friend who did not understand that salt and sugar were different things. Cue hilarity when he salted his tea.
anotherdonald ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:56:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had a salt container which did not have the shape of a regular salt container. Rather, it looked like a sugar dispensers from a bar. When my friend came to visit, he didn't like his coffee at all.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:29:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You fucking animal
LelviBri ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:50:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I kinda did that to my grandparents once, they stored both salt and sugar in identical clear containers (no labels, just positioning) and I accidentally switched them
Gmarcott42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:55:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well once they use one then they would realize that somehow they got switched, they might assume they did on accident.
What would be really good to fuck with them, mix them together in both containers. That way when they pour it on something, they are like "this salty coffee is horrible, but there's some semblance of the sugar in there."
jansencheng ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:11:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did that once.
Sweet fried eggs and salty pancakes aren't as bad as you might think.
Tyfui ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:28:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It seems like a sweet idea, but in the end you'll be making people salty
jesdakcar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:30:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
An employee (intentionally?) put sugar in the salt shakers at a restaurant I went to. Made for some sweet pizza.
GetOfMyCakes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:41:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or spike both salt and sugar with crushed meth crystals
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:43:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or combine them to make salgar!!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:00:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And still great for margaritas
lechattueur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:43:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or put salt in the coffee boiling water, sit, and enjoy the show.
astrakhan42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's so horrible when this gets messed up. Some good friends of mine are strict when it comes for keeping Kosher for Passover; different plates, different Silverware, and specific salt and sugar containers which happened to look a lot alike. So when their daughter made Mandel bread (basically Jewish biscotti) I was the first to find out that the salt and sugar got switched.
zoombazoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:04:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One time my wife and I were at a friends house and she went into the kitchen to make lemonade. She made it with salt by mistake. I'll never forget the look on his face when he took a big drink.
crestonfunk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:06:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Checkmate. I use sea salt crystals and brown turbinado sugar.
MickieJamesRoastBeef ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:08:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Burn in hell!
redhotbaby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:13:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or, put cocaine in both containers.
adelie42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:36:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I keep my sugar and salt each in clear half gallon Mason jars in the same place. They look identical, except imo salt and sugar look completely different.
jasonml ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:40:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Once I was in Switzerland and bought some Currywurst with fries for like 15 CHF, and then I found the fries to be pretty bland, and vigorously poured salt onto it (a LOT)
Well, you can fill in the blanks from here.
chris92253 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:42:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Relax Lucifer
FloTheSnucka ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:43:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, the Leslie Knope.
RadSpaceWizard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:44:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's funny because a diabetic would be in mortal danger.
Match0311 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:46:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Some people just want to watch the world burn.
iamanindianatheist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:48:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're a monster.. Kind sir..
peanutbutterandjesus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:51:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace the milk in their milkjug with salt
Blurgas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:54:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, no, no. You gotta put salt in both because they'd expect you to put sugar in the salt shaker
Captain-Obviouss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:55:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dude.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:02:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide all the spoons.
Rock_Carlos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:02:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why in that order?
OozeNAahz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:04:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Used to go to an authentic Mexican restaurant. A couple of times I would be salting my carnitas but it kept getting sweeter. Evidently the Salt and Sugar bags looked mostly the same and the staff couldn't read English so kept screwing up and filling the salt shakers with sugar.
Elpornosaurus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For a couple months in the early 70s my parents hired a maid to clean once a week. She filled our sugar bowl with salt. She did a few other weird things and we no longer had a maid.
stryder66 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:08:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You dirty devil!
craker42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:12:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You evil bastard. I'd be on my way to work and take my first sip of coffee and probably crash my car.
DiversityThePsycho ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your victim would be quite... salty.
cheesetoasti ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:27:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or mix them together
Denascite ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:34:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ha! Mine look exactly the same anyway so I taste every time :P
MongooseCrusader ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:36:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You monster.
CoreyI42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:41:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ftfy
rwwman50 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I will kill you. My sole remaining morning pleasure since I'm working days again is my coffee. I've started making it myself since the Indian guy at my DD at 4:15am wanks in the donuts (long story how I know). If you put salt in my coffee I would die.
ImTonyPerkis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put anthrax in the salt shaker and gunpowder in the pepper shaker
Jokesonyounow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:55:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck I came to say this
ectish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
annnd thennn?
TableHockey31313 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:02:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
you monster
IanMazgelis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh fuck you I've ruined so much pasta by doing this
DrysTc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:06:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What if they accidentally did that beforehand and now youยดre doing them a favor?
garfnodie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This sort of happened to me once.
We had just moved into a new place, and my stepmother found a bag of sugar and poured it into the sugar canister that was kept out on the counter. I come downstairs later for a morning cup of coffee, put my four heaping scoops of sugar in, stir and then proceed to take a big 'ol drink, only to be met with the saltiest of salty things one could ever taste. Turns out that bag of sugar was really full of salt. Imagine just taking a spoon full of salt in your mouth and then chasing that with a swig of hot water, all that salt dissolving into every nook and cranny of my mouth mouth and coating it with salt. I was tasting salt all day, no matter what I ate or drank, even brushing, mouthwash and gargling didn't get rid of it all.
JustAHippy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:10:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mix them half and half and they'll never really be sure.
dkz224 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:18:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For even more fun id put cocaine for both
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:34:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or cocaine in both.
panchelelefante ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:35:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex's cousin did this once by accident and it was hilarious. My ex's family had a bunch of salt shakers left over from a party so they told her cousin to empty the salt back into the original container. For some reason my ex's cousin thought the salt was sugar so he poured it back into the sugar jar. Well the next day I'm invited over for breakfast and everyone is enjoying there food when the grandma decides to take a sip of her coffee, which she just happened to load up with the "sugar". Next thing I know, this tiny woman whom I had never heard say a single vulgar word in my life, spits out her coffee and starts yelling every curse word imaginable at her grandson. I couldn't stop myself from cracking up which led to everyone else laughing and making the grandma even madder.
Alphabunsquad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I once put a spoonful of sugar from my sugar bowl on my special K. I took my first bite and it was the saltiest most disgusting thing I've ever tasted. I dumped the bowl and then just tasted some of the sugar in the sugar bowl, and it was sugar. I still have no idea how my that cereal became salty but my siblings still call me an idiot to this day
TrippySquidge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:44:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Funny story, my dad did something similar to this on accident. He poured salt in with the sugar and my mom made pancakes the day after. My grandma almost finished all of those pancakes because she didn't want to sound rude. There was six tbs of salt in the batter, that poor woman
Aeon_Mortuum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or cocaine in both
alexisaacs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No no no no no
All wrong.
What you do is find their sugar container and empty it, filling the bottom quarter with salt and the top 75% back with normal sugar.
Over time as they use their sugar, salt will VERY SLOWLY begin to mix into the sugar at the top.
So it will look something like this:
Week 1-3: Normal sugar, everything is great
Week 3-6: Small amounts of salt seeping in - breads and cookies might seem the tiniest bit off.
Week 6-10: Food starts to taste really weird. WTF is going on? Everything is super salty.
Week 10+: The mind fuck continues. They will be driven insane.
Why does this work?
Because the salt SLOWLY creeps its way into the sugar. At first it will be impossible to notice but then, probably around week 7, they'll think "hey maybe somebody fucked with my sugar!!"
So they check their sugar - only to find it tasting like normal sugar since at that point it will be like 95% sugar at the top.
Of course when they POUR the sugar out, or SCOOP it, they'll be getting some more of the salt from the bottom, and that is compounded on top of the salt already in their dish.
So the sugar tastes normal until it's added in, at which point it makes all the food taste slightly fucky.
Best part is if they never notice, they will adjust their salt ratios. Then when they run out of the sugar-salt mix, they will replace it with normal sugar.
Now everything will taste like bland horse shit.
And now all evidence of foul play is gone.
At this point they will literally think they're insane.
Sidenote: Don't try this on your girlfriend who lives for baking. You might forget about the prank and six months later she will be crying about how she has failed at one of the only things that makes her happy. I never did tell her the truth. Totally forgot about the prank until after we broke up and I suddenly understood why everything she baked slowly became horrible.
Lordofdonuts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You monster!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:34:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or just fuckin salt everywhere
Nayzo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was little, probably 4 or 5, I did this. I put salt in the partially full sugar dish, not knowing that salt and sugar are not the same thing (they looked identical, so I had assumed salt is totally what my mom used in her coffee each day). She gets up, makes her coffee, and it doesn't taste quite right. She figures that maybe her mug didn't get clean enough in the dishwasher, so she hand washes it and makes another cup. Still tastes weird. She figures maybe the coffee maker is gunked up and ran vinegar through, then a few batches of water, and finally another pot of coffee. Coffee still tastes funky. At this point, I walked in and proudly told her what a good helper I was, because I filled up the sugar dish with the salt shaker.
So, it seems the best strategy is to actually only put some salt in a batch of sugar, and presumably some sugar in a bunch of salt, and that will fuck with the home owner way more!
ihatetyler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:04:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did this once to my parents
theodore33 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:10:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Coke in the sugar, sugar in the salt, and salt in the coke would be best IMO.
OldBreadbutt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:27:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
white aquarium sand
DerWyrm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:36:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"At least I'm not putting salt in the sugar shakers!"
FiskFisk33 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:52:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And white pepper in the black pepper grinder and vice versa!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:43:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, then they can just switch or relabel the containers. Mix the two together, equally, in both containers.
wcc445 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:47:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cocaine in the sugar container*
zzyul ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:15:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Strawberry margaritas. Another use for salgar!
johnhitlerpizza ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:27:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why is there sugar in the baby formula?
cheekymusician ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:18:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I did that to my dad once when I was a kid. He's a diabetic.
Lammy8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:20:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did this to a friend one morning as part of an April Fool's prank, which also included filling his bike boots up with Rainbow Drop sweets and putting grease based Halloween make-up under every door handle and drawer in the common spaces of the shared house.
PantheraLupus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:21:16 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Im always paranoid somebody is going to do this at work. We have a lunch room bandit so I'm just waiting for that momentnwhwre i go to sip my milo and its salty...
DSPR ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:46:01 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Trust us, they won't be able to tell." - The McDonald's Corporation
KIllgore52 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:30:49 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
https://youtu.be/a6ucZsJQxbQ
Chupa_Mis_Huevos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:10:32 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all sugar with cocaine
purplepanda5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:28:23 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My friend did that once when she made me a coffee. Though it was on accident since her mum had put salt in the sugar container
Hadgfeet ยท 3863 points ยท Posted at 13:13:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Place random post it notes everywhere, lure them into thinking they have a carbon monoxide leak.
CocaTrooper42 ยท 1587 points ยท Posted at 14:24:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For the confused
LelviBri ยท 681 points ยท Posted at 15:02:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit, I've seen that post back then, but pretty much ignored it. 27x gold, that's insane
Onesharpman ยท 834 points ยท Posted at 15:07:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, he did literally save a man's life.
michael1999wang ยท 215 points ยท Posted at 17:29:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
27x gold is quite the underpayment in that sense
madeleine_albright69 ยท 262 points ยท Posted at 17:43:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
To get 400 gold he should have offered to eat a dick.
dublohseven ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 17:54:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How did I miss this.
Edit: Oh yeah I never clicked on esports threads that's probably why!
[deleted] ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 18:10:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
419 gold. That's almost 420.
ncnotebook ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:52:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The number wasn't high enough.
Techhead7890 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:48:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go home dude, you're high :P
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:26:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm always high.
mrchumbastic ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:48:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's my secret, Cap.
johnjullies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:57 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I understood that reference.
Gorfoo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:57:50 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Then go gild it!
electrogamerman ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:22:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well shit. I've been eating dicks for free my entire life.
hrg_ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:28:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What's the dick part? Idgi
madeleine_albright69 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 20:06:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Scroll down a bit to find this comment.
Discount_Double_Tap ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:32:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks.
LordessMeep ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:02:32 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you. I always crack up at all them edits.
SevenSaltySnakes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:59:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Last time I saw either of these references, they were with in the same thread. I feel like they're one in the same now.
rata2ille ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:54:17 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would totally eat a dick for 400 gold.
CasiInAPumpkin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:32:33 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As someone who is absolutely clueless and knows nothing about LoL or Bjerg.. Why did he get 400x gold?
madeleine_albright69 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:08:20 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Because another commenter promised to eat a dick when he gets 400 gold. People on reddit want to see that apparently.
Onesharpman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:48:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh yeah. He deserves a hug at least.
DraketheDrakeist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:04:59 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They also got a good amount of Dogecoin.
Oke_oku ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:19:57 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
27 gold and 9.95 in doge coin, i mean, it covers the cost
LelviBri ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 15:11:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, pretty awesome. I would've never guessed that it'll come down to something like this. I thought it'd just be another one of those "oh my landlord is so creepy" stories and didn't bother reading the comments
CallMeDucky ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:31:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think it was a woman
BlatantConservative ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And all he got was shitty Reddit Gold
Viperbunny ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:37:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think it would also feel pretty awesome to have saved someone's life.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:54:29 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
Onesharpman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:06:03 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously? What a prick.
2c8a32df8a5486c21a99 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:40:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
CO is no joke. My case wasn't that bad, but after months of us both feeling sick every morning it clicked and I turned off our furnace. Our landlord never fixed it. He sent some chucklefuck with a detector, but the jackass wouldn't actually go inspect the flue in the crawlspace. We had to use space heaters for the rest of our time there. So when the water heater started leaking, we just didn't even bother calling them and let it rot. I wonder how much it cost to fix that water damage....
MikeTaylorPhoto ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:30:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nice!
JustAHippy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:33:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like you have some sort of legal rights in this? But I don't know.
2c8a32df8a5486c21a99 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:59:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This was years ago and I gave them hell without the system, man.
CynicalPi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:50:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Someone link the bjergsen AMA question to this guy and the dick eating after
Razetony ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:52:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah but have you seen the 400x one?
nvcNeo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Link?
TheFinalPancake ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:35:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
https://np.reddit.com/r/leagueoflegends/comments/2lel5s/tsm_bjergsen_ama/clu14fx?content=3
nvcNeo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mother of god..
Zardif ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:19:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You know what's insane? this comment
carcinogenicshitlord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:58:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He also got 100000 dogecoin which is about 40 dollars
LelviBri ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:51:03 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I've seen that. At the time they were worth ~10$ though, still awesome
OutInABlazeOfGlory ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So that's how you get 27 gold. I just need to get 42 and then I can make a reference!
OutInABlazeOfGlory ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So that's how you get 27 gold. I just need to get 42 and then I can make a reference!
OutInABlazeOfGlory ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So that's how you get 27 gold. I just need to get 42 and then I can make a reference!
bennitori ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:50:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit. I know it's been a year already, but there's got to be some other (more glorious) way of thanking that guy. Free gold for life at least.
P0sitive_Outlook ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:26:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That is astounding.
spock_block ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:02:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I forgot about that thread.
lunayoshi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:47:25 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is majestic
19cocaine95 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Im still confused
MrNogi ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:30:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A user on reddit went on /r/legaladvice and mentioned that they were having random post-it notes around their flat. They asked the sub for advice and one user mentioned that a Carbon Monoxide (CO) leak could be responsible. Turns out it was a CO leak and OP's life just got saved.
That clear it up?
DomCaboose ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Who was putting the post it notes though? That's what I'm confused about
kataskopo ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:44:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Himself, he was just forgetting because of the CO leak.
doessomethings ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:39:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He thought his landlord was doing it, which is why he was asking for legal advice. It turned out he was leaving himself notes, but did not remember due to CO poisoning.
MrNogi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:32:47 on June 28, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It was himself. He just didn't realise because of the CO
MrNogi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:30:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A user on reddit went on /r/legaladvice and mentioned that they were having random post-it notes around their flat. They asked the sub for advice and one user mentioned that a Carbon Monoxide (CO) leak could be responsible. Turns out it was a CO leak and OP's life just got saved.
That clear it up?
19cocaine95 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:07:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes. Thanks
aggressivecoffee ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:16:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wtf
girlfrodo ยท 42 points ยท Posted at 14:13:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or actually disable their carbon monoxide monitor.
May result in becoming a murderer rather than a mischief maker
Error404- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:11:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Worth a shot
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:56:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
funkyb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:44:00 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Murder could be considered a kind of mischief, I think anyway.
stidmatt ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:07:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Too far, not funny
dryfunfish ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:30:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So meta
Tw_raZ ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:16:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Found the meta guy
aussiefrzz16 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:06:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And just maliciously warn people about stuff, Id dress in all black at the airport and put my hand on someones shoulder while they are looking at their phone waiting to board and say "whatever you do, do not get on that plane" and then just walk away
KryptonianNerd ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:04:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm pretty sure that's how you get shot by airport security
ThatFlyingWaffle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:35:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You can get shot by airport security just for talking with strangers? 'Murica
KryptonianNerd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:08:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
More because telling people not to go on the plane sounds like a threat
Zinnsoldat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My first thougt
FlawlessRuby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you do it multiple time in multiple home you might save a life.
It's gonna be hard to get in without a window.
As_Your_Attorney ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:17:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd go with a game of Hangman ala The Machinist.
MosquitoRevenge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:46:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think I read this here before but hide post it notes with numbers on them and set the 1 and last number in plain sight. Then skip one number and they'll go crazy trying to find it.
JackofScarlets ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:36:27 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What's the go with this shit?
I've never heard of carbon monoxide being an issue until Reddit. In Australia, smoke detectors are mandatory in every home, and I assume they'll do CO as well. So, first, I don't understand why you possibly wouldn't have detectors in place.
But even then, what are you people doing that creates levels of CO that stick around for days and cause hallucinations? Do you not have windows in America? I'm seriously confused.
leadstriker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:08 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Then actually release the carbon monoxide, after they fix it. Start doing it again for round 2
VitulusAureus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:10:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Came here looking for this, I had to scroll down surprisingly far.
[deleted] ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 15:16:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
GodsNavel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I too, reddit often...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I too, have an addiction...
LongDonkeyHonkey ยท 14498 points ยท Posted at 12:39:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take every battery out of every electronic device. Replace with tootsie rolls so they aren't too upset when they find out
[deleted] ยท 9206 points ยท Posted at 14:19:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My house got broken into and one of the things they stole was the tv remote. So I went out and bought a universal remote. When I got home I went to the drawer where I keep the batteries. They took those too.
estolad ยท 7487 points ยท Posted at 14:32:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
those motherfuckers
26326312 ยท 1537 points ยท Posted at 14:59:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think the discovery of all my batteries being stolen is where I would properly lose my shit. Such a horrible crime!
Shopworn_Soul ยท 1241 points ยท Posted at 15:56:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I know you're kidding but It's actually worse than you think.
It's one thing to know someone broke in and hurriedly grabbed a bunch of shit, it's another thing to know they took the time to look through drawers and go through all your shit, taking random things that you don't even notice until days or weeks after the burglary.
Source: was burgled, they went through every single thing I own and took some of the weirdest shit, much of which meant a lot more to me than my TV or computer. I mean, they went through my old photo albums. It fucking sucks.
Kitsyfluff ยท 1051 points ยท Posted at 16:18:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
THE ONE THING YOU CANT REPLACE
garymotherfuckin_oak ยท 296 points ยท Posted at 16:54:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had the one thought that only blackout drunks- and Steve Urkel have..."Did I do that?"
[deleted] ยท -6 points ยท Posted at 21:04:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
RuneKatashima ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:10:07 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's a reference to a Comedian's joke.
dropyournets ยท 320 points ยท Posted at 16:48:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
John Mulaney?
Pinkishy ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 18:02:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wwwwhhhhyyyyyy???
BruceTheUnicorn ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 20:09:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He's got some feminine hips, man.
Mask_of_Ice ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:59:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
And the Suggins gang!
DaveTheBaker ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:42:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nah I'm pretty sure he is replaceable
Heroshade ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:47:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Charles Du Gaulle actually.
p_a_schal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:39:15 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Obviously
Mypen1sinagoat ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 17:41:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is that a John Mulaney reference I see?
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:56:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I could only say... Why?
Kitsyfluff ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:03:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Watch "the one thing you can't replace"
deterministic_guy ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:25:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believe this is the source: https://youtu.be/qY5m3_JQrZQ
SomeRandomUserGuy ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:50:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They stole his children? I wouldn't say that's too important to him. He can always go out and get some more.
lnstantKarma ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:47:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
LOOK AT THIS PHOTOGRAPH
Yotarian ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 17:53:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
LOOK AT THIS GRAPH
ArcherSterilng ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:53:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
LOOK AT ZACH BRAFF
Kenya_swalloww ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
EVERY TIME I LOOK AT IT, IT MAKES ME LAUGH
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:01:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I fuckin love that story
myfianceeisstupid ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:34:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm new in town, could you explain this reference?
Kitsyfluff ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:02:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Watch the video "the one thing you can't replace"
AttemptedHonesty ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:11:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Whoosh. The special that's from is called "John Mulaney: New in Town."
But trying to help someone anyway is a nice thing. Good on ya. :)
Xibalba000 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:55:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Came here for this, was not disappointed
readybreka ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:20:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This needs to be way higher up
JefferyTheWalrus ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:04:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"And that's the end of that story, but how fucked up is that?"
CanadaMilkLover ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of that story about the teenager who would go to parties and steal the host's pictures of their Grandparents, because it was the one thing they can't replace. His room was full of them.
PrettyOddWoman ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:47:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That story is a John Mulaney joke !
CanadaMilkLover ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:01:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is it? Haha, I think someone copied it into a Reddit comment a while ago and that's where I remember it from. Weird!
Wintergreen762 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
John Mulaney reference?
Silist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Meta
ShinyBreloom2323 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:41:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shut up and take my upvote.
______LSD______ ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 16:06:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
He went to Egypt
chaser676 ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 16:48:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You really need to listen to this, I can't believe it hasn't been posted yet for this comment chain https://youtu.be/56tjW1F8R9A
PlasticMac ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:22:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That actually pisses me off. What the fuck is wrong with some people?
Coziestpigeon2 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 17:27:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It is just a stand up routine. Who knows if it's real.
SugarG ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:38:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my god. I figured 8 points, is it really worth watching this video? Thank god I did
enineci ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 17:03:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My house was broken into twice in 2 months, and one of the times I had accidentally knocked a bucket of change onto the floor in my room. I was in a hurry, so I didn't have time to pick it up. When I got home, after the break-in, I noticed that they went through the change on the floor and took all the silver change; leaving only the pennies.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:26:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Now that'll get a motherfucker murdered.
Kasmirque ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 17:18:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When we got robbed we got cleaned out too. Laptops and hard drives with years of pictures on them. It sucked. Then a couple weeks later I was having a bad day, just wanted to come home and eat a frozen pizza and veg out. Went in the freezer and didn't see the buffalo mozzarella margarita. They took my fucking frozen pizzas.
LonelyElephantSeal ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 17:15:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I got burgled last year. They got in through my window, and stayed in my room. Took my meds (which will do nothing but give them a head ache), ate my cookies, and LEFT a dirty shirt. But everything was slightly out of place. Like they had gone through and looked at all my nick nacks, picked them up and put them back in sort of the right place.
DaniUndead ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 19:05:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I just imagine someone going "For christssake, Tom, put that back where you found it. We're stealing his shit, not assholes."
tittysprinkles1130 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 17:38:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had my house broken into in college and they stole my bed sheets but not my guitar....I was very confused.
vanillapep ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 17:41:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's so odd (especially the photo albums). Did you know who burglarized you? Seems like they would be someone you know, or someone wanting to.
Roert42 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:15:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Looking for hidden a money stash maybe
WaterbedEffect ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:03:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds like someone you know did it.
pazoned ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:42:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A lot of people keep cash, change funds in their drawers and cup boards. It sucks but if your drawers and cupboards are flipped its usually because of someone who knew what they were doing.
CockGobblin ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:07:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"They took the dildo my mother gave me on my 18th birthday. It was very special to me!"
topasaurus ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:23:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did the police fingerprint? Did you catch the person? Where I'm at, the police would say either (a) they can't fingerprint since fingerprints can't be recovered from anything except glass and polished aluminum (that's what they say) or (b) even if they got fingerprints, it would take the FBI over a year to report if they're on record, which is too long to bother with. And if you're lucky to find the stuff on pawn, they won't interview the pawner. Yes, I'm jaded. Oh, and often the stuff on pawn, if serial numbered, is miraculously not in the Police database even though the law requires items with serial numbers to be reported. And nothing is done against such pawn shops.
youngeng ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:28:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously? Sounds like a good way to know what the police can or cannot do.
"Sorry, we cannot recover fingerprints from this object".
"Mhm, sounds interesting... erm, I mean, too bad!"
Pseuzq ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:29:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like kids.
PullMyTaffy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:33:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In High School someone broke into my truck and stole my cell phone and CD player and CDs. This made me mad but what put me over the edge - they went through my ashtray and took my change. Only the quarters, nickels and dimes. They left the pennies.
Pinkishy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:09:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was little, my next door neighbors broke in to our house. They stole not only jewelry and coins/money, they also took VCRs and my first generation Nintendo with games. Then they are all our pickles and drank all the drinks and alcohol we had.
Skip to a weekend later, they had a garage sale where I noticed my Nintendo. Cops came, asked us how we knew it was ours. I (at 6 years old) said which tape was in the vcr. Plugged it in, pushed eject, correct movie!
rubydrops ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, they took your photo albums? That's pretty ruthless.
throwawaytimee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:18:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yep, my uncle had his house broken into about 8 years ago, of course they took his Flatscreen Plasma, his computers and everything, that's obvious. But they also took his photos and dirty laundry, like that's just too far.
To make things even better he knew who did it and ran into them at a gas station once, they knew so they punched him with brass knuckles.
Never found them.
WizzlePop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:37:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
dude, one time I got robbed and they took my xbox and lawnmower
omgnodoubt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:40:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That probably means the person who robbed you is someone you know, COME ON REDDIT LET'S SOLVE A MYSTERY!
empathetix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:52:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's really messed up I'm sorry
peacemaker2007 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:56:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The pictures of your baby daughter are gone!
PunishableOffence ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:35:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not burglars. CIA.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:54:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you were burglarized by someone who stole things like old family photos, then I would be very suspicious that someone close to you was responsible for the burglary.
majinspy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:10:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh these aren't twist-off beers? Well, I'll just get my trusty bottle-cap opener and....oh goddamit.
manosrellim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:14:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And realizing weeks later that something additional had been taken is really shitty.
summonern0x ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:19:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did OP burgle you?
dick-dick-goose ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:20:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Went through your old photo albums, and took things of sentimental value? That's someone who knew you. It makes me scared for you!
JarJar-PhantomMenace ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:20:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
old photos??? what the actual fuck. I'd suspect the burglar was someone you knew or that knew you, then. pretty creepy, if true.
Like_A_Sirloin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
SAME SHIT HAPPENED TO ME. House was broken into. They steal a laptop, an iPhone, an x box, a TV, a really nice late model shotgun, a deer rifle that was gifted to me by my father and is the only weapon I've ever used to kill the 14 I've shot throughout my lifetime (a lot of sentimental value if you're a hunter), and a SIG sauer 9mm. That was the big one in a sense... It's a pistol that can unfortunately be converted into a full auto weapon with mods and can easily fit in a jacket pocket. Think of the handgun that the Heath ledger joker used to shoot the transit vehicle with Harvey dent in it. Another unfortunate fact about this weapon (Obviously not mine personally) but the same make and model pistol Was one of the weapons used in the sandy hook shooting.) obviously, this crushed me knowing that I could possible be indirectly responsible for one or several murders because of these idiots.
But, but. The thing that really destroyed me was when I got home and a couple weeks later and took a more precise inventory of my stuff. You get busy, you don't wanna think about it, you put it off, whatever. But these assholes found a coin collection that I had. The coin collection means virtually nothing to me, my grandmother used to give them to us on Christmas and birthdays and I kept them in a cigar box my dad gave me. To be honest, I couldn't tell you if they took anything from the coin collection or not. I probably hasn't actually looked inside the cigar box in 10 years. But they broke the hinge on the box, thereby making it relatively unusable as a storage unit. That really fucked me up because I've been through college and medical school and moved every year for the last 10 years. Had wreck less buddies throw my shit around. Get piss drunk in college and break things, but this box had been gifted to me by my father, containing history of my deceased grandmother, and had survived a tumultuous 10 years of my life.
And in a single instant, these scumbags rip it open, discard it like garbage. And it was MY treasure. In MY house. I've never felt so violated in my life. I'm a 6'1" 220 lbs former football player, so I've never been raped or the like. But I would have to assume the only way I could feel more violated is if I were to be raped.
All I have to say is, I pray that I never discover who these burglars are (luckily I just moved 5 hours away so it shouldn't be an issue). Because insurance paid for a replacement on the weapons. And I'm not sure how I would react being put face to face with my oppressor.
SomnambulisticTaco ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:53:14 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did they also shit on your dad's computer?
Endulos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:22:11 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hah. My parents place got robbed in the middle of 2004... They stole a bunch of shit, including their Generator.
Somehow, we didn't notice the Generator was missing until we needed it, a powerful storm was moving in on us (I THINK it was the remnants of a hurricane, I can't remember) and we might have needed the generator... So Dad and I went down to the Garage to get everything ready, and while he was looking for the cables and stuff, while I walked around looking for it... Couldn't find the damn thing.
I said "...Dad, where's the generator?"
He called me an idiot and said it was right where he left it. Then he came in the room. Stared at the corner for like, 5 seconds, then said "THEY STOLE THE GENERATOR".
emboar11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:41:31 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My friends car got robbed recently. When going through the change compartment they took the time to sort out the silver and leave all the pennies.
KarmasAHarshMistress ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 15:45:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to be against the death penalty but I've reconsidered after hearing that such a crime is possible and has been done.
kame8200 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:08:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is actually a problem I'm experiencing. I buy 24 packs of AAs and have three roommates. Every time I'm gone for more than 24 hours all of my batteries are gone. This has happened twice now and of course no one knows what I'm talking about.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:56:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
leave flat batteries next time, and see if anyone is stupid enough to tell you ?
kame8200 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:28:55 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yesterday morning someone left a pack of batteries on my bed with two missing. Unfortunately, they were triple A's and mine were doubles. Okay, whatever. Last night I get home and a pack of doubles I had purchased the day before were gone as well as the triples. At this point I'm actually finding it funny.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:34:59 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man. Well, this is what I did once: a flat mate kept taking my cheese to make his sandwiches for work. Over time I began to resent my red leicester being eaten by him. (He had a very fat well-off girlfriend who used to stay over all the time, they eventually got married. By then she was spherical. but I digress.) So I stopped buying any cheese. He comes to find me one night, and asks "Is there any cheese ?" I go "In the fridge ?" He says no, he has looked. I go "Really ? I'm sure I bought some." He stomps off in an absolute fury. I never buy cheese in that address again, and go and live with someone else. My advice is : stop buying batteries. This will have an effect on whatever you are using them for - can you get something that plugs into the mains ? Or rechargeable ? Dont electrocute yourself. Anyway don't feel obliged to take my advice ( I voted Brexit. I did not expect my Prime Minister and the entire Opposition to resign. Like 23 of 31 Shadow Cabinet Members went in the last 24 hours. FFS.)
asol ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:29:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I bought a bunch of rechargeable batteries a while back, I'm so crazy about where those things are that if they were stolen I'd be furious.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:35:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Can confirm. You're crazy. Source: your post.
Crimson_Shiroe ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:36:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My house was broken into towards the end of last year. They took TV's, Laptops, etc. I wasn't the least bit bothered by it all however, because we had insurance and was able to replace lots of the things with it (and some of the stuff they took was broken anyways) however, when I discovered the door to my room is when I flipped my shit.
My door into my room is not locked nor does it have a lock. It takes about half a second to open.
They kicked it in those shits.
bradn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:03:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Especially if you're not a heathen and you have a drawer full of fully charged eneloops at about $2.50 per AA
2spooky4potates ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I hoard so many batteries for the Xbox one wireless controller because it goes through them ridiculously fast. If I were to find out that all of those batteries were gone I would be furious.
ihuntkirby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What's up with controllers these days? My wavebirds take nearly a year of daily use to die.
ObeselyMorbid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tfw no one remembers Dane Cook
Blazingfireman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:16:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Batteries are fucking expensive. Fuck that thief
FallenXxRaven ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:18:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Protip: If you change batteries a lot, get rechargables, seriously. I've been using the same 4 batteries on my X360 controller for 2 years now. 2 in the controller, 2 in the charging station ready to go in.
26326312 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:20:24 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yep, I do this exact thing with my xbox controller. I've slowly started phasing out regular batteries by replacing them with rechargeables in everything once they have run out. I've also done the same thing with LED lightbulbs.
JurassicArc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:19:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Imagine if they stole his salt as well. A salt and battery. Terrible.
browner87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:58:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Joke's on them, I'm always out of batteries :(
intensely_human ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:05:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Then it's not just simple assault any more!
GrahamHosken ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:04:46 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
no joke i have $200 worth of AA batteries i would be fucking pissed
reddog323 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:18:14 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's definitely insult to injury. You just know they find that specifically to mess with your head.
jayond ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:30:40 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know, we got buglar twice. They didn't take anything. The second time, someone had sex in our bed. How do we know? They left the condom. Big trash bag and a lot of lysol and frebreze. I think stealing remotes and batteries would have been less fucked up. Of course, police are going to bother to run DNA for a simple break in.
llama_of_muerte ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Battery is a criminal offense involving the unlawful physical acting upon a threat, distinct from assault which is the act of creating apprehension of such contact. In the United States, criminal battery, or simply battery, is the use of force against another, resulting in harmful, offensive or sexual contact."
Depending WHERE they put your Batteries... Could it be "Remote Battery-Battery...?
i'll see myself out...
thomps_a_whomps ยท -7 points ยท Posted at 15:42:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
People still use batteries?
morezucchini ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:22:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, devices still use batteries.
Deadmeat553 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:53 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I know, what peasants! Personally, I have my butler wind mainsprings for all of my devices. Clockwork is the way of the future.
/s
_Fudge_Judgement_ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:58:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, I've of heard of being charged with theft and battery...
conspiracyeinstein ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:22:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My religion doesn't condone the death penalty, but I'll allow it this once.
TheGrot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:14:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I want a divorce!
boozername ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:32:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That shit's expensive yo
captainhindsite5752 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Darth Vader esque "Noooooo"
cornerlot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:17:11 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Relax bro, it's just a prank
estolad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:03 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
you motherfucker
cornerlot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:23:26 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[gone sexual]
drop-o-matic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:05:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is the beginning of John Wick 6 or possibly 7.
Fireproofjeans ยท 373 points ยท Posted at 14:37:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But they left the TV? O.o
Spaghetti_Banjo ยท 735 points ยท Posted at 14:43:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They were reading this thread
NinjaRobotPilot ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 15:03:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So they are time traveling burglars? They really went above and beyond after reading this thread.
tyler148 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:20:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You never know, this may have all happened between the thread being posted and him commenting
you_got_fragged ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:16:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I mean I think there were some similar threads in the past
lengau ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:56:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, this happened today.
NinjaRobotPilot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:41:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So, not time travelers, just normal travelers.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:07:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well they're not going to convict you if you haven't been born yet.
Kevo_CS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Actually after reading this post he went back in time to his college days to burglar his now ex-wife who cheated on him but forgot about the week he spent living with her when they were still dating because he was just trying to avoid over hearing his sister, who he lived with at time, having sex with her boyfriend who was in town for that music festival that he couldn't afford to buy tickets for. OP unknowingly stole all the batteries that he had bought earlier that day for his girlfriend's new vibrator and in the process managed to steal from himself, cockblock himself, and set in motion a never ending cycle of his future self doing the same to his past self.
Random_56 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 15:07:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe it was the OP, they had so much fun with it they decided to make a reddit thread
apparaatti ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:30:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They're just running out of ideas.
justsoyouunderstand ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:40:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair this kind of question makes it to the front page every 6 months.
Aesteic ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:47:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
RemindMe! 6 months
yogiibear ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:00:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
TAKE MY WIFE!
cuteintern ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:26:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Then who was DVR?!
[deleted] ยท 389 points ยท Posted at 14:54:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm guessing the tv was too heavy. Or they were kind of dumb. They also took a vcr. This was 2009.
The more shitty thing was they got my passport and credit card.
[deleted] ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 15:34:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do you know how hard it is to find a decent working vcr these days? Nobody but goodwill really sells them from what I can tell and most are broken.
Fox_Grape ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:13:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And the worst part is, (at least in my area) Goodwill won't take anything back even if it doesn't work. When you ask them if it works they usually give you a half-assed response like "Yeah, they test them in the back".
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
At least, where I live anyway, it's less than ten bucks, so it's mostly wasted time. But the outlets on the shelves for testing don't work either, as I've plugged my phone charger into it when I was suspicious. Jeez...
B5D55 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:12:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have one in it's sealed box , we never opened it .. It's Sony VCR I think
TheDesktopNinja ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 17:56:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
LITERALLY MILLIONS OF DOLLARS AWAIT YOU.
ok not really.
atomicthumbs ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:35:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I work at an electronics recycler and I maintain our A/V section among other things. VCRs are so goddamn common. (Actual high-end S-VHS VCRs are surprisingly rare, but I guess they weren't common in the first place.)
ladygrim ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:32:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This sort of sounds like when my apartment got broken into after I went to work. My boyfriend at the time was overseas and had left his 360. They took the console, the power cord and one of the two controllers. They left the hdmi cord, my tv, and my laptop. I don't think they took anything else either. I still have the lone controller like 3 years later, even though that beau is long gone. I hope they enjoyed my guitar hero game. They left that controller too.
Impedateon ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 15:37:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And this is why you only use heavy electronics
*looks at PC case filled with bricks*
ShoutBasil ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:09:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Loosing a credit card ruins your life for like 2 weeks. I also can't imagine getting a new passport is easy.
bradfordmaster ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:00:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Huh? What country do you live in? When I lost mine it took me five minutes to call, they immediately canceled the card and refunded the bogus charges, and overnighted me a new card.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:20:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
bradfordmaster ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 18:27:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's surprising. Each day you don't have that card is a day you can't be piling up your credit card debt, and no credit card company wants that
eltoro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:24:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A credit card with legs is a terrifying thing. They can walk under doors!
TimtheBigDaddy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:54:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Trust me, if a thief is persistent enough, they'll steal ANYTHING regardless of how much it weighs. Just read this article, it blew my mind and made me laugh: http://www.cracked.com/article_17090_wheres-bridge-7-biggest-things-ever-stolen.html
HomicidalJungleCat ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:40:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A VCR in 2009 was still pretty archaic
AfroMustache ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 15:43:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think that's his point
blindedworld ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:20:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So how bad is it to not only have a vcr in 2016 (and rewinder) but they are actually hooked up in the family room and get used pretty regularly?
Kakita987 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:40:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We have a VCR/DVD combo that is hooked up as a splitter so we can have the PS2 and Wii both hooked up. They don't get used much though.
Endulos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:24:38 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
lmao
That's what I use my VCR for as well. So I can keep my PS2 and N64 hooked up to my TV (Only 1 composite set)
BroTheCat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:21:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So they likely ended up with a TV.
RTM_Matt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:30:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dude that sucks. If I was a thief I'd like to think I wouldn't take personal shit like that that has no value to me. Taking your TV though.
mysticalmisogynistic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How do we know this is even you then?
PanRagon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:06:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They stole a passoort? The fuck did they figure they'd get out of that, an escape plan in case they were made?
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:28:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:32:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A debit card. I used to not carry my credit card around because I didn't want to use it. Now I always keep it in my person and I'm drowning in debt.
resolva5 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:49:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Probably to young to know what a vcr is:p
Mechakoopa ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 16:11:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Like the asshole that stole the faceplate off my car stereo and didn't take anything else. Thanks, now we both have useless pieces of equipment.
throwawaytimee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's the worst. At least take both pieces.
CyphersWolf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Happened to me too.. You can't even buy the faceplates separately from the manufacturer either so you just get fucked
tigerdrummer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:14:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Probably a boat anchor TV.
Fireproofjeans ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:29:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah probably, I have one of those sitting in my basement... Damn thing is heavier than my couch.
tigerdrummer ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:33:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Moved into a new house. The previous owners left a 55" monstrosity.
Fireproofjeans ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:38:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ahaha! Mine's the same tech. 42" of dark matter and slightly-better-than-420p video.
It "does" 1080i but the picture on my 720p LCD TV is better hands down.
The_Canadian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:04:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When my house was broken into, the guy was taking what could be fit in a carry-on suitcase.
downtothegwound ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:06:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
TV's are heavy
Fireproofjeans ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:15:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Depends on the TV, LCD flatscreens are light, existed in 2009, and can be handled by a single person no problem.
downtothegwound ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:46:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm just saying that's why they generally are not taken in burglaries. That and the cables to disconnect.
Fireproofjeans ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:09:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
VCR had cables to disconnect too, though. And that remote's not going to be particularly useful without the TV...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:35:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah. Like I said, the burglars seemed dumb. The vcr wasn't hooked up. The tv was a 50" plasma. So heavier than an lcd but also awkwardly large to carry.
niuguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:43:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Also not as valuable as they used to be.
ghanta29 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:12:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well you cannot just walk around with TV in your hands
eneka ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:21:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Happened to us 20 years ago. Came home, and pulled into our driveway with an open garage and our TV was in the middle. This was back then with CRT TVs and it was probably too big for them to fit in the car. Took all our remotes and a new 90 pack of diapers my mom is it bought
LesEnfantsTerribles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It didn't work with batteries.
ACrispyPieceOfBacon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:31:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe to fuck around and change channels?
Fuckeddit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:26:22 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Asking the important questions lol. Really though how could it be they took the remote and not the fucking tv...
Fireproofjeans ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:26:36 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Guy replied to me, said it was a heavy ass 52" TV, the kind you need four goddamn people for.
I actually have a 42" version of those, is heavier than any other piece of furniture I own -couch, bed... the stove might be a possible contender, but the TV still loses because at least the stove can be taken on a dolly. TV's too wide and had a shitty plastic body lol
Fuckeddit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:18:39 on June 28, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fair enough. I had a 36" big back at one time and I could hardly move the bitch. Took me and my buddy to move it.
BaldingEwok ยท 282 points ยท Posted at 15:01:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's low, only equally low story I have is we were out hitting the bars in college and a good friend locked his keys in his car. Him being too broke to call a locksmith decideded it was best to leave his car and stay at my place, then get an extra key from the apartment office in the morning, get his spare key from the apartment and return for his car.
So things start out as planned, get up, get breakfast tacos, get key from apartment, and then we find his door unlocked. He had been robbed and they took everything except the furniture. I'm talking the food from his fridge and deodorant were stolen in true grinch fashion.
So we called the police and they said they would be a couple hours. Not wanting to burn time we set out to go get his car and instead found broken glass where it was parked. Those bastards stole his car with his own keys, found his address in there, then robbed him using his keys to get in and drove off with all his stuff in his car.
Now I'm not one for profiling but his car was recovered with the seat moved forward and the radio tuned to a Tejano station. take that for what it's worth.
Smurfpuddin ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 16:03:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Those damned gnomes
breakone9r ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 16:32:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Spanish speaking midgets?! Those bastards!
[deleted] ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 16:00:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
theecommunist ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:21:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's the only way to be sure.
Mr_JS ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:44:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
God damn Texas prairie midgets. As a Texan, there's only so much we can do to keep those bastards underground. I'm sorry for your friends loss.
BaldingEwok ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:19:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Damn straight, wreck'em tech
Mitch_Mitcherson ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:46:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fucking mexican midgets, climbing up our toilets, sneaking through the cat flaps!
wjack12 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:11:23 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide yo kids, hide yo wife
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:18:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Times have been hard for Speedy Gonzales since CGI came out.
ricardillo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:30:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Scanning... No Mexicans detected
intensely_human ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:07:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Martians!
ricecilantrolime ยท -47 points ยท Posted at 16:14:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus your friend must be a terrible person to have such bad luck
[deleted] ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 16:31:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
ricecilantrolime ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:34:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What was a 9 year old doing driving? That's very unlucky to get into a head on collison with your own mother and brother
Kamenosuke ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:17:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This guy omg hahaha
theecommunist ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:23:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take my fucking upvote you hilarious asshole.
MizzuzRupe ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 16:23:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, what an awful thing to say in response to someone else's misfortune.
noahsgnar ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 16:30:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
yeah what the fuck man?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:41:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shouldn't have been a paedophile in a former life.
d0mbo ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 17:43:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you fucking sorry?
o0i81u8120o ยท -17 points ยท Posted at 16:35:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bullshit, if they had the keys why did you find broken glass there.
BaldingEwok ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 16:40:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The keys were in plain view locked in the car, they busted the window to get them#logic
o0i81u8120o ยท -13 points ยท Posted at 17:22:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes but they already had a set of keys, he said he had a spare in the apartment they ransacked. So they already had a key.
BaldingEwok ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 17:32:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't mean to insult you, not sure if this is a troll job, a poor job done explaining on my part or you just being a little dense today. They stole the car first breaking the window to get into it and get his keys. Found his address off an old electrical bill or something and drove to his apartment where they unlocked his door with his key and robbed him. If you are still confused I suggest coffee and rereading.
o0i81u8120o ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 22:48:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yep, can confirm was drunk and didn't connect the dots.
PM_ME_UR_PUPPY_PICS ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:07:19 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ahh, drunk reddit...
I_chose2 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 17:27:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They took the car first, then used the house keys from in the car to raid his place. Must have found something the car with his address on it
Uncle_Paul_Hargis ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 14:49:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of True Lies. "What kind of sick bitch takes the ice cube trays outta the freezer?"
DDollahDave ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:48:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like an inside job to me. Trust no one.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:43:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not sure if I can believe your theory.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:54:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If the suspects are still at large I believe your house might have been robbed by my college roommates.
BatDhunn ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:42:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Now they just drive by my house, changing the channel whenever I'm watching tv."
nrith ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:15:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You must have felt so powerless!
yes_oui_si_ja ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:11:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He thought the universal remote would change everything...
roque72 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:10:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And when you finally got new batteries and put them into the remote, you clicked ON and realized they had also stole your television
butyeezytaughtme ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:46:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is definitely a Dane Cook joke
RaisedByDog ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:11:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My car got stolen they left the gps in it but stole the charger for it evil bastards
Deezl-Vegas ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:23:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have never heard of someone getting so rekt before in my life.
NESpahtenJosh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:40:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do you think that's it!? Do you think they took the batteries? They replaced the good batteries with shitty half assed batteries!!
Nosloc54 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:46:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had a party at my house once and someone stole my TV remote, that wasn't universal. Idk why they wanted that remote unless they had the exact same TV themselves
CheeseFantastico ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:04:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Someone broke into my house and one of the very few things taken was my bag of weed. Rage ensued.
too_many_rules ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:22:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was burgled, the one thing they took that really pissed me off: my stamps. No, I'm not a stamp collector. They were just normal stamps. Motherfucker forced me to make an extra trip to the post office.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:21:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I once had my car broken into in June or July one year. They stole CDs, a Maglite flashlight, a cooler, and a few other items. It wasn't until a frosty December morning that I discovered they had also stolen my fucking $4 ice scraper.
mellowsota ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:26:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty sure this is literally from a Dane Cook skit so not only were your robbers evil, they also have bad taste in comedy
Geminii27 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:49:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Were they charged? :)
BetterThanOP ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:50:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wow theft and battery, those scumbags need to be charged.
RyanBigley ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:05:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I once had my classroom broken into, and they took my stereo. I'm a music teacher, so I kind of needed it. I was not very happy. Since there wasn't much I could do about it, I just said I could just play the background music straight from my computer into my computer speakers. Uh oh, jerks took those too! Well, since I don't have my computer speakers anymore, I'll just borrow a CD player from another teacher, and burn a new background CD. Wait, they took my CD burner too?? What else could they have taken? Well, as my classes are trickling in, and noticing the police presence and the broken window, I decide I'm getting tired of telling the story multiple times, so I'll just write down what happened on the dry erase board. Jerks took my dry erase markers too.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:14:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It was probably another teacher. Teachers are always stealing dry erase markers.
Belazriel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
On the show "It Takes a Thief" the one burglar mentions always stealing the remotes. Must be common.
TheRedEminence ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:04:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Think of the havoc one anarchist with a universal remote can do? I had a grudge against a tv/audio store. Once every month or so Id walk over and turn on everything in the store and up to full volume.
Strawberry_backhand ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:04:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like it should be the next plot-line for a Taken movie (you know the ones with Liam Neson or whatever his name is).
WatAbout2ndBreakfast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:12:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
NOOOOOOOOO
justmycrazyopinion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:14:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
are you sure you just did not misplace it? it seems like an odd thing to steal. we lose ours all the time.
Fallen_browncoat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:30:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's savagery.
hehateme429 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:57:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If I was a robber I would totally steal batteries. And toilet paper, frozen meat, Pledge, and pens. You can never have enough pens.
DBREEZE223 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:03:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They probably lost their own remote and scouted a house for one like they were going shopping
Cinnamon_Altoids ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember watching "It Takes a Thief" on Discovery channel and the guy who's the thief said that he would take all the remotes he can find to piss off the homeowners even more after ransacking their house.
AlphaSunday ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:31:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When my place was broken into, they stole all my Xbox One games, both my controllers, but left my console...
aww-yisss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:33:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
CHUCK!!
LoriRenae ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:34:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My friend was just burgled, they took only weird things like gogurt and a case of La Croix. He even saw the guy on his way and chased him but he got away.
Now his sense of personal security is ruined. Over gogurt.
x1sc0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:36:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Somewhere I read/saw about something similar happening, and the thief would drive by the house of the victim and randomly change the channels on them.
flaminx0r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:41:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Didn't they think to steal the TV also?
stuvve3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:48:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A comedian did a skit similar to this. He said he would steal the remote from somebody's house and then as he's driving by he'd change the channels on them.
Can't remember what comedian it is anymore, but it was filmed on a stand up special; not these knock offs of re-posts people are doing on twitter and facebook.
themightymartin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But did they leave Tootsie Rolls?
manuscelerdei ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:02:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I support the death penalty in this instance.
Soperos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stole the remotes but not the TV? Did they get the idea from this thread?
prosayik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When my apartment was broken into, they took my change jar and I happened to leave my new smartphone at home as it was a big ass bulky one I just got a day before and took my old flip phone by mistake. So, essentially they were carrying a GPS tracker with them.
vitodelarosa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:09:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
An year ago, a guy broke in and took my pocket money, a broken tablet (with a huge BROKEN paper gluet to it) and my pack of cigarettes, when they found him, he said he didn't even smoke, he just knew I would be extra pissed when I woke, notice what happened, got pissed and there was nothing to smoke (sorry, my english sucks as much as this guy)
tr41t0r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My SO worked at Starbucks and they used to get I believe a free pound of coffee a week (or something like that). After a while I had a pretty good amount of packages that I couldn't use so I'd give them out to family/friends. I was going to bring 3-4 pounds to someone and left them in my car one night. The car was broken into and all they took was the coffee. They left my emergency cash in the center console though, which was nice of them.
nedflandersuncle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:30:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, so they took the remote and batteries but left the TV?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:39:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bast@rds!!!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:40:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm pretty sure that was the Grinch...
sup3rmark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:00:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My apartment got broken into and one of the things they took was the Chromecast in my bedroom. I didn't realize until i went to cast something and couldn't :-(
methinksitlikea ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When my apartment was broken into they took the wrong remote with the TV. The cops could tell it was mine because the TV turned up in a pawn shop with said remote.
SnapesFavoriteSong ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:34:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One time we had a huge party at our apartment in Manhattan. Bunch of random kids from Fordham we didn't know came, but it was cool whatever. Then we caught one of the girls stealing batteries out of our remotes. Not as a prank, she actually was trying to claim she needed our AA's. We threw her ass out and the whole party shamed the shit out of her on the way out, it was great.
anangryfix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:34:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in High School we stole the remote to a kid's TV and then we would go by on random nights and turn the TV on through the window. Or change their channels on them. At the time, it was hilarious. In retrospect, it was obnoxious.
secretNenteus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
To the untrained eye, this beast is a junker. To a trained eye however, this junker is a beast.
BrotherBodhi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:44:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Once my house was broken into, and what did they take? All the top ramen, every spoon in my drawer, and my deodorant. Then they peed all over the walls and the floor
LuciusFlaccidus420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:44:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait... they stole the remote and not the TV?
brot_und_spiele ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:04:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Was at a baseball game once and our car got broken into. They took my stereo, about 150 cds (back in the cd era), my backpack complete with all my college books. Got out of the stadium, and was pissed, but the clincher was that they took the cooler of beer from the trunk. At least leave your mark a fucking beer. Seriously.
doubleoned ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:05:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I work at a pawn shop and one of the ways we can tell a tv is stolen is if they don't have the remote but they didn't forget to bring a whole bunch of other random stuff.
shuggnog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:10:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
methheads.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:11:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I hate people like you.
"I can't find my remote! The only logical explanation is someone broke into my house and stole it and left everything else!"
khendron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:14:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A friend of mine's vacation home got broken in to and the thieves took everything, including the alarm system.
VexMythoclast69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Damn I want Universal Remote so bad! But RNG hates me :(
Zelvetical ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Their plan is to drive past at night and flip the channel when you're not expecting it...they'd fuckin love this thread damn.
TeamKennedy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
About 13 years ago I has a burglar steal my VCR player and my TV remote.... Must of been a newbie to the business.
johnq-pubic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:13:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They stole the remote and batteries, but not the tv?
That thief needs to up his game.
DulcetFox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:30:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's a show called It Takes A Thief and one of the ex-thieves always says that he takes remotes to annoy owners when the TVs were too big to steal.
mineobile ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:41:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait they took the remote but not the tv?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:55:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes
DEEEPFREEZE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:54:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Years back my car was broken into. They stole an iPod (back when iPods were fairly coveted), cologne, cash, misc valuables, and my cigarettes. They did, however, leave me a single cigarette to smoke while I processed the transgression. I was weirdly appreciative.
Ninja_Platypus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:18:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Someone stole our tv but forgot the remote.
SnowTau ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:20:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I like to imagine they didn't steal the TV and drive past and change the channel on occasion because you pissed them off in the past or something.
notasrelevant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:55:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So... they took the remote, but left the TV?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:17:57 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So many people are confused by this. But yes. That is what happened.
Razors_egde ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:42:06 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I just bought a house the owners did not invest in, i kinda questioned maintenance. Anyway, i noticed the light out in the spare bedroom on smoke detector. I test it, no buss, i open it, no battery. Wonder why no chirp, pull unit down and they had disconnected the house electric wires. Cheap motherfuckers and more.
markthe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:56:25 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My phone came with an app called Peel Smart Remote that makes my phone a universal remote! I use it at bars. I think it would be funny to bring it to a sports bar on a big UFC night and shut the TV off at a vital moment.
CunningStunt1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:48:36 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A universal remote?? Well that changes everything!
Weep2D2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:47:24 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did they take any condiments too ?
You know, lay the charge for a salt and battery.
rata2ille ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:59:40 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How did they know which drawer you kept the batteries in?
paxgarmana ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:09:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I feel horrible for laughing at this
[deleted] ยท 822 points ยท Posted at 14:06:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
TeaDrinkingBanana ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 15:05:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
put the smallest bit of electrical tape on the contacts
[deleted] ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 15:27:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go for clear tape instead, it will be harder to spot.
zigastrmsek ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 16:38:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hello satan
mfb- ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:52:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But don't reverse the batteries.
Iamcaptainslow ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 17:36:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why not both? In their frustration they might not notice the tape and will be even more confused when flipping the batteries doesn't work.
TeaDrinkingBanana ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 19:26:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My friend did this to his other friend's wireless mouse the night before an assignment deadline at university. For about 2 hours, the guy was trying to learn how to use keyboard shortcuts.
bobdob123usa ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:53:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
At that point, clear nail polish.
ddesla2 ยท 276 points ยท Posted at 14:14:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Found the Satan.
SpeedyVT ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 16:00:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Next step is to carve a pentagram into the back of the remote and rapidly press 6 while chanting, "Beelzebub".
Qwapz ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 16:12:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Found the originality
ddesla2 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:53:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Aw thank you sweetheart.
sarcasticb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:49:40 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Now kiss.
corygor ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 15:18:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But leave some of them in the regular direction so they have to check if the batteries are right or not
kenabi ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:16:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
in some devices this will cause issues. namely, crappy batteries can go splodey. full reverse is one thing, but don't get stupid with it.
breaking and entering and just causing chaos is one thing. potential arson is slightly higher on the 'get thrown in with bubba' charts.
lengau ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:58:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Some devices have diodes that prevent negative voltage, but which will thus pass current if there is a negative voltage. This will drain and heat up the batteries, potentially damaging the device or sploding the batteries.
kenabi ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:26:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
sure, that possibility exists as well, but at a lower frequency, generally. most battery powered devices they'd be messing with would probably be limited to remotes and such, where the only true risks involved would be the batteries shorting.
that said, never play around with Li-Po and Li-Ion batteries, people. Never. shorting these types of batteries is seriously bad mojo. reversing their orientation to change polarity can have catastrophic results relatively quickly and the time between 'harmless fun' and 'OMFG WHY DID I DO THIS?!' can rarely be predicted.
peggman ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:04:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
they'd just think the batteries were empty and replace them.
TabMuncher2015 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:35:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly! Then you get to come in and take the fake dead ones! It's genius!!!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:58:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ok this made me laugh out loud. thank you
You-Can-Quote-Me ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:14:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's only good for the initial aspect though - what you really need to do is change out the label which shows which way the batteries go. That way when they replace them with new batteries, they're putting them in facing the wrong direction.
geveck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:41:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But you can tell which way they go by looking at the spring.
johnnybiggles ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:44:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So the TV will control the remote? Oh God....
Da_Boom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:51:55 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/shittyaskscience
GoldenDaVinci ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:10:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I fucking love you
rwwman50 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:40:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Imagine this happening multiple times in a hoe with multiple people. The epic fights between people over who the ahole who kept messing wth the electronics would be amazing
Creeper79 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:02:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You'd have to be quite the cat burglar to get away with changing the batteries in a hoe without being noticed.
Heathen15 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:51:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You'd have to be pretty special to put batteries in a hoe in the first place
TheRebelParade388 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:44:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Even beter, take clear coat or a clear nail polish and paint over all the battery terminals and appliance plugs maybe even the light bulb terminals. That would be way more confusing because its so hard to realize what the problem is
njdevilsfan24 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:22:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In every battery powered device
sega20 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, no. Just take one battery.
damedsz ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 15:18:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe I'm missing the joke but they still work that way as long as they're facing opposite directions
Theonlyrhys ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:35:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're wrong due to polarity. If anything the batteries would leak.
kjpmi ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:44:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No. Batteries have a polarity (negative end and positive end). You can't just flip them all the other way. Most devices except for the most rudimentary (such as those cheap ass little hand held fans made in China, which would then just run backwards) require that the batteries are inserted the correct way.
Natanael_L ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:55:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip in place
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 761 points ยท Posted at 12:40:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For devices with more than one battery, only do that to half of them? Might cause more confusion
dallonv ยท 394 points ยท Posted at 14:16:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, but that's only half the tootsie rolls.
LonelyMiracle ยท 308 points ยท Posted at 14:34:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Putt the leftover tootsie rolls in every shoe they own.
BoardingBrownie ยท 294 points ยท Posted at 15:40:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Must be a really good golfer if he can putt Tootsie rolls into shoes
throwawaytimee ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:23:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ah the old reddi- fuck this
ipod_waffle ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:41:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I sense you don't know how to link it. Neither do I.
CharlesDickensABox ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:33:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's already been linked in this thread.
throwawaytimee ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:01:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Correct hahahah
PM_ME_YOUR_BIG_LOAD ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:53:50 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's not even a reddit Switcheroo
throwawaytimee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:51:39 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How isn't it?
PM_ME_YOUR_BIG_LOAD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:14:55 on June 28, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Because a reddit switcheroo has nothing to do with misspellings or grammatical errors.
throwawaytimee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:20:11 on June 28, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Right, but it has to do with the type of joke made in regards to whatever the topic is, instead of commenting on the joke of putting a tootsie roll in someone's shoes he commented about the "putt" part, isn't that a switcheroo?
viensanity ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:00:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Geez this had me laughing more than it should have.
flowstoneknight ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:36:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Must have had a lot of practice playing Golf With Your Friends, where you can set the ball to be a cylinder.
xxc3ncoredxx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
r/nocontext
intensely_human ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:08:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
let me see that
Sounds_of_a_Sax ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:03:44 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That burglar must be arrogant then
Banana_blanket ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 15:16:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Oh my god. These burglars were so thoughtful! They left footsie rolls "
chumchilla ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:58:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's a good way to get the cat's ass kicked.
pkfighter343 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:53:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make a mold of their shoe, melt tootsie rolls into the shoe, wait for them to harden, plant tootsie roll in shoe
crossmirage ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:00:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Opened and licked.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:50:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That could get expensive if you're burgling my wife.
Hiddenshadows57 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:49:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put your hands in ya shoes. lemme see ya tootsie rooo.
Nope. Doesn't work.
falconzord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:07:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Except in Australia
cmckone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:19:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And some steak in the boots too
jupitaur9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:34:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Especially if they have a cat.
KillaSeaStar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:29:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yea, I don't know if I'm that good at golf.
Spicy-Rolls ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:57:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
META
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:41:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
More tootsie rolls for you though.
Walter_Malone_Carrot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:52:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal spare batteries, replace with tootsie rolls
LongDonkeyHonkey ยท 74 points ยท Posted at 12:42:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This guy gets it!
This_1_is_my_Reddit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:21:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This guy fucks
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:34:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Steve_Harvey387 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:52:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I did Nazi that coming
LongDonkeyHonkey ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:22:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He's right! Jared fucks!
Eltotsira ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:40:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, I can't wait until I eventually have to house sit for someone. This is brilliant
arb93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
open the remote and cut the wiring in it
SherrickM ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:27:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd keep my own dead batteries for a while and then go into a house and replace every possibly found battery with a dead one.
Nyrb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't remove them just put them in the wrong way.
I_own_reddit_AMA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:15:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What if there's 3 batteries? Why would I cut a tootsie roll and a battery in half?
Ekrank ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:31:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your suppose to change both batteries at the same time
mdtoolfan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:14:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jam some peanut butter in there for good measure.
NotFromReddit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just put them in the wrong way around and see if they figure it out.
jicty ยท 257 points ยท Posted at 14:13:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You can only do this to houses without kids though. It wouldn't be that strange if they have children running around.
[deleted] ยท 119 points ยท Posted at 14:20:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[removed]
mrducky78 ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 14:37:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
THIS IS THE FOURTH FUCKING TIME. GET OVER HERE. IM GOING TO BEAT YOU WITH JUMPER CABLES
also: What happened to the jumper cable guy?
[deleted] ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 15:23:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
doodwhatsrsly ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 15:28:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And here I was about to believe you. Motherfucker.
dafuq0_0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:32:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
link?
cantadmittoposting ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:07:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Caught one across the head at a bad angle.
calesta96 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:08:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
His jumper cables were stolen by the same guy?
mrocks301 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:18:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would assume the number of jumper cable beatings finally caught up to him.
SilverFuchs ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:06:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kid getting all my credit
fatmand00 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:40:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're playing the long con. The joke isn't on the parent (who has to deal with the initial annoyance), it's on the kid: you take the batteries, parent blames their kid and refuses to believe it wasn't them, kid's relationship with their parent is irreparably damaged by the false accusations, the knock-on effects of the shitty relationship totally ruins the kid's life. Ice cold, dude.
whitefalconiv ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 16:59:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Then, on the kid's 18th birthday, you send the kid a box containing all the batteries you took.
percypepperoni ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:12:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What's the best owl picture you've gotten?
wishlesssleep ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:29:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shit, if my kid did this I'd realize I need to step up my pranking game before he's a teenager
NoGoodIDNames ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:12:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You could kick their door in first. That way, they know they got robbed, but don't know what the fuck you took until they try to use the remote
ShoeShaker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:55:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You would be a bad burglar
garymotherfuckin_oak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kids are indeed painful to have sex on top of. And then they're always screaming "Stop!" and "Get off of me!" Really kills the mood.
slnz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:26:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Clearly you don't have kids. The bastards did something to deserve it regardless.
Sail4Singapore ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:51:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is exactly what I was thinking
LongDonkeyHonkey ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 14:14:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's a good point!
Loqol ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:12:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In the days of the original Gameboy, maybe.
We had a bag dedicated strictly for AA batteries ONLY for our Gameboys.
Who_is_I_today ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:33:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You could flip the kids the other way
P0sitive_Outlook ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:17:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bread in the VCR? Coasters in the DVD player? Half-eaten food in the battery drawer? Toy cars in the cat food? Time to get a better housemate.
slasher8880 ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 14:26:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd be pissed. I fucking hate tootsie rolls.
appealtoprobability ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:50:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Chocolate" my ass
Aerowulf9 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:11:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They dont taste remotely like chocolate. They taste like death. The flavored ones are okay though, like the lime and orange.
UndeadBread ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:15:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't understand how they aren't hated by everyone. Disgusting little sticks of disappointment. I'm angry that people eat them.
Ninja_of_Var ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 14:35:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is that you Dane Cook?
CloudyWithRain ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:53:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I WANT A DIVORCE BECAUSE OF YOU!
SnapbackYamaka ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:48:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's exactly what my mind went to when i saw this thread title
The_Karate_Emu ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:07:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He just wants a B&E
TheHooDooer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:08:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I DID MY BEST
Odieandcodie ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 14:20:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Everything I think I see, becomes a Tootsie roll to me!
raugturi ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:22:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is a great prank if they don't have any small children. If they do this is just called "Tuesday" and they'll barely even notice.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:48:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I fucking hate tootsie rolls
arb93 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:21:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
id cut the wiring in the remote so they keep changing batteries but it still wouldnt work
Sylaurin ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:22:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And all the wrappers are pieces of a map to where the batteries are hidden.
LongDonkeyHonkey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:27:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Brilliant!
MaverickTopGun ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:48:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tootsie rolls are shit so the house would be a source of constant disappointment.
hellschatt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:23:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace some batteries with other empty ones from the same brand.
Flip some of them.
Steal some of them.
JakkuScavenger ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:37:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How many licks to the center of a remote control?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:54:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, replace them with dead batteries you brough with you. Find their supply of new batteries, and put it somewhere else.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:39:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do you want to give them ants? Because if you do, that's how you give them ants.
UndeadBread ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:16:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We've got ants right now and even they don't want anything to do with Tootsie Rolls.
Stringtone ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:56:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
On the one hand, YOU MONSTER. On the other, you seem like an okay guy.
Addquack ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:56:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Family dies in a house fire, because all of their smoke detectors had tootsie rolls instead of batteries. Story at eleven.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:54:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I worked at a warehouse in the shady side of town and we held lots of copper there. Like 500' of 4" copper and such. This place was also right across from the police station, and my tightwad boss wouldn't buy an alarm since "we're right across from the police station"
Those thieves used a sawzall to cut a hole in or garage door, stole every piece of copper and copper fitting we had, and ate the box full go tootsie rolls. And built an Eiffel Tower about 1' tall OUT OF THE WRAPPERS.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:16:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or just flip the battery ends so positive and negative are on the wrong connection.
Pitarou ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:29:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But not the smoke detectors, okay?
whitefalconiv ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:01:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, put new batteries in all the smoke detectors, but rig them so they'll "test" themselves automatically at random intervals throughout the course of the next month.
sisco98 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:42:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The cutest devil
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:43:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
DO YOU THINK THEY TOOK THE BATTERIES OUT OF THE REMOTE????? DO YOU THINK THAT'S IT?
Macktologist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:50:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nice way to get the little kids suspected of tomfoolery.
sixtyninehahahahahah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:55:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dane Cook.
PainTrain412 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:58:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There was this show on Discovery called To Catch a Thief. Two former burglars (reformed) would say "Oh you think your house is safe?" and then burgle it to prove that it wasn't. Audience and later the family would get to watch on hidden cameras. The homeowners received a home security system makeover at the end. I digress.
The one host confessed that he used to steal all the remotes from people's homes because he said as a kid and the youngest of all siblings he never was allowed control of the remote. I wish I could find that clip. The show was pretty good IMO. Really made me realize how shit my home security is.
MrSascrotch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:02:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Found Dane Cook! Where have you been all of these years?
LurkmasterGeneral ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:02:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd still be upset. Tootsie rolls are what I imagine brown play-doh tastes like.
SpiderAndBee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:09:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Even better is to just take one out of every device.
delicious_grownups ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:13:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not really related, but this reminds me of a time in college. I'd been up for days on an Adderall binge in order to finish the copious amounts of schoolwork I'd been putting off but needed to complete in order to finish my last semester. My roommates, notorious for our rather extreme parties and our willingness to fuck with each other on a personal level (on the first night of our last semester I got drunk and passed out and they set my desk chair on fire in the woods on our campus, as an example) had wanted me to party with them but I was just too tired and just wanted to sleep. After 4 days awake, I just didn't care about drinking at that moment. I went to bed, and in the middle of the night I woke up sweaty, and sticky, and with something all over my arm. I'd fallen asleep with my arm out, extended over the side of my bed. Placed all up and down my forearm were wheat-thins, with peanut butter on the underside of each cracker, all up and down my arm. Like, 8 fucking wheat thins with slowly melting peanut butter coating my forearm. I was less than pleased.
The next morning, I went to my roommates and said "guys wtf, I was covered in peanut butter and wheat thins, why tf would you do this to me?" And they laughed and all they said was, "what did you do with the wheat thins?"
I said that wasn't important, and insisted that they'd wronged me and asked again why they did it. Again, they asked me what I did with the crackers and peanut butter on my arm.
"I... well, I fucking ATE them, ok?"
They laughed and laughed and told me that they'd drunkenly decided that I needed a snack. The truth was that I hadn't eaten in days and had been extremely hungry upon waking and finding the wheat thins, and I had in fact eaten them all. They knew that I wasn't eating, and in their own, fucked up, loving way they had actually been attempting to do something kind and nice for me. When I realized that their intention the whole time had been for me to eat them, I couldn't even be mad about it anymore. We just laughed and laughed. One of the many things from college we still talk about. I miss those guys
librlman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:17:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace birth control pills with tictacs.
young_american17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:19:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought this was going to be a Dane Cook reference when I started reading it. Just replace the good batteries with shitty batteries.
KoalaBackfist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:20:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm almost positive Dane Cook did a whole bit about this. A B&E where he just did shit to fuck with people.
WeHaveMovies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:40:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me of something those sour patch kids do in those commercials
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:48:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lol I used to do this at parties when I was a little shit at 15 years old. I've grown up somewhat since then.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:51:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Someone did that to all the calculators in my class room in 11th grade.
The teach was so confused.
TrueRakurai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:54:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for giving me my next April fool's prank :)
Aceofacez10 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:11:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
mmm tootsie rolls arent they just the best candy
yzxyzx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:14:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Whenever I was in college I was leaving a big pool party hosted by my friends apartment one night and drunkenly walked into the wrong building and thus the wrong apartment to sleep on my friends couch. When I figured out I wasn't in the right apartment, I grabbed that poor dudes remote and split. Helpless mother fucker must've hated me every time he had to change the channel or volume.
namhob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:15:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, the Tootsie Roll bandit strikes again!
::wrapper sound intensifies::
random_nightmare ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:35:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
While I love this plan. My ultimate goal would be to steal all of their batteries and replace every single one with the same brand of batteries but dead.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:47:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tootsie rolls are fucking awful though
throwawayylime ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:48:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all batteries and spare batteries with dead ones.
the7edge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:51:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace the batteries in every remote with dead batteries
the7edge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:51:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace the batteries in every remote with dead batteries
Stingray88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:52:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tootsie rolls would only make me more mad. Fucking garbage candy.
Raquel930 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:56:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I hate tootsie rolls
LongDonkeyHonkey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:02:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Then you deserve to be mad about your batteries
Phantomknight8324 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:01:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
that's the evilest thing I can think of (until I am done with reading all the comments of this post)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:01:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've seen smaller things end a relationship before. "Bitch I know you took em!" She saying the same thing to you, it would never end. Until the day you're packing up to move out, because of the divorce, and you pull that old slow cooker out the back of your cupboard and there they are, a pile of every battery in the house.
GlobbaGlibGlub ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:05:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all the batteries in the smoke detectors with low batteries and steal all the good batteries.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:08:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
this is sf cute lmao
LongDonkeyHonkey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:55:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's what I was going for
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:20:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
LongDonkeyHonkey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:26:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry bro, but I bleed red, white, and blue. 'murica
apintandafight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace their batteries with dead batteries of the same type.
michael1999wang ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:26:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What a nice guy you are
VanderLegion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:27:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would definitely NOT be eating the tootsie rolls someone left in place of all my batteries...
kren0091 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:33:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ooh a peice of candy....oooh a peice of candy...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:41:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Similarly, replace every light bulb with a 20 watt.
bobby_corwin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:47:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd be very upset if I found tootsie rolls. It's wax posing as chocolate.
BobbyCock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:48:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stale tootsie roles for 3 halloweens ago.
mnorris23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had my remote stolen and the thieves drive by when im watching TV and change my channel. So evil.
TheDragonflySlayer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:39:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in school someone broke into my locker once, didn't take anything but instead left a packet of jaffa cakes in there.
nacho-average-food ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:44:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm pretty sure tootsi rolls or not, I'd be pretty upset if my firealarm had no batteries in a time of need
deepseablu1991 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:54:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tootsie rolls are horrible.
Aerowulf9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I HATE tootsie rolls.
nomadofwaves ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:26:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jokes on you when they have all Apple products.
twelveparsex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:28:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't that just called Tuesday for people with toddlers?
SidtheKid52 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:30:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or just turn all the batteries upside down.
RickSHAW_Tom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:41:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unwrapped?
ThorBarnes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:01:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would replace all their AA batteries with AAA. They would pick the remote and just gear batteries sliding back and forth. Leave them a crap ton of D and C batteries. Now they have all these batteries that are rarely used.
AskJeevesAnything ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:23:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ooo a piece of candy!
Ooo a piece of candy!
Ooo a piece of candy!
Imissmyusername ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:23:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would just blame my kid.
pixelguru ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:36:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I once worked with a guy who sleepwalked a lot, probably due to the ridiculous amount of caffeine and asthma medication he used. Once, he woke to find that every electronic thing in his apartment had been unplugged during the night. He lived alone, and even the refrigerator was unplugged even though he didn't think he was strong enough to move it by himself to reach the plug.
He also once woke to the entire contents of his freezer neatly stacked and melting on his living room coffee table.
The best was one day when he came to work late and said he woke up and all his clothes were gone. He looked all over his apartment and couldn't find them, so he found a bath robe and stared looking outside in the hallway. He eventually reached the laundry room where he found all of his clothes washed, dried and neatly stacked on the table. At this point, I said something like, "good! You're finally doing something useful with your nocturnal activities", but he looked at me with fear in his eyes and said "I didn't have any quarters."
pFunkdrag ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:44:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unless it's summertime and they don't have AC you monster.
joesatmoes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:57:15 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You are the devil. Even with the tootsie rolls...you are the devil.
cluelesssquared ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:29:01 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But would you really want to eat tootsie rolls, or anything, left by a supposed burglar?
vapir1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:22:56 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My sister will not eat tootsie rolls because our grandfather always kept stale ones in the pockets of his robes. The younger children were too stupid realize how gross they were.
XFXinfused ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:11:51 on June 30, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did you post this.. http://ifunny.co/fun/ibcfXvLz3
LongDonkeyHonkey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:16:39 on June 30, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wish I had, but no. Looks like I have created a monster!
dookiejones ยท 3650 points ยท Posted at 13:52:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Install very small speakers with proximity sensors in every power outlet in the house. The speakers would be programmed to play the sound of ocean waves crashing, one of those send you to sleep things, at random intervals 24/7 with volume levels varying between a whisper and old people can hear it. The proximity sensors would be to turn off the individual speaker setup when someone was close to it so they could never locate the sound.
[deleted] ยท 1762 points ยท Posted at 14:36:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You could even make the proximity sensors turn on speaker systems completely far away from them. In fact that's easily the best option.
Proximity sensor in the kitchen turns on the speaker in the dining room so by the time they walk in there it's turned off and the sound is now... in the kitchen. OR! You could make a big pathway through the house eventually leading outside, back in, and in a complete circle.
dookiejones ยท 425 points ยท Posted at 14:45:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah but that kills the mind fuck of the complete randomness of the sounds playing. The proximity sensor keeps people from being able to close in on the location of the sound, Having it make another speaker play would encourage a person to look for the source.
Natanael_L ยท 167 points ยท Posted at 16:00:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But the source would ALWAYS be far away in this case
dookiejones ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 16:24:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But you would still be encouraged to look for it by having another speaker play when you are close.
fatboyroy ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:28:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You'd have someone go to the sound while you played it in one room after a short while
Natanael_L ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 16:31:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It never plays in a room with people
fatboyroy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:41:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How would you stop it from doing that? If one person is in the hallway and makes the kitchen go off, and someone is there already, they'd find it. Or does the sensor sense someone is now I the other room so doesn't go off? That one sounds complicated to pull off.
jofijk ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 16:55:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There are some pretty advanced sensors available with security systems. My parents just got one that doesn't trip the alarm if it senses movement from a <60 lb object because they have a dog. No pressure pads or anything just an optical sensor. Also the air conditioner where I work can tell when people are in the room.
I'm sure someone with some programming knowledge could pull it off.
fatboyroy ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 17:02:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Welp, now I have to rob their house with midgets
perpetualperplex ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 18:00:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Orphans are much cheaper to hire.
Engesa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:16:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Also, when you "make them disappear" to tie up loose ends, noone will be looking for them, because they weren't wanted in the first place.
cockmaster_alabaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:19:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lol, hire
thinkofanamefast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:12:18 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fidgets. Go to :45 if impatient. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wZrFE5lL71I
Trapper777_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:03:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
if the sensor in the hallyway IS NOT activated, and the sensor in the kitchen IS activated, play the sound. If either of those two variables change stop the sound.
Ishidan01 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:33:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Like this: if there is a person within range of a sensor, the speaker that sensor is closest to remains off. If this means that none of the speakers are on, then so be it. Nothing says you have to be playing something at all times. Hell, your victim could pack the house with searchers- wherever there is a person, the sound is somewhere else, and vanishes when it is close to being found. Then imagine they give up and all meet in one room to think about it--and there the sound is again, but in a room that was already searched.
Magnnus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:14:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But they would quickly realize the pattern.
jetfrog28 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:24:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It wouldn't necessarily make the sound play, just enable the speaker. So if you're in the kitchen, the ones in the living room and master bedroom would be on and able to play, but still be on a random infrequent cycle.
Physics_Freak ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:19:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I feel a single cricket chirp every 3-5 minutes would do nicely
Your_daily_fix ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:05:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I guarantee if I heard waves crashing in my house I'd go look for the source of the sound regardless of how close to me the sound is
50Thousanddeep ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They could easily just have another family member look for the speaker. The proximity sensor should turn the speaker off.
LezBeeHonest ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:44:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I voted Varzem's idea. That would be so disorienting.
NinjaRobotPilot ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 15:17:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This gets duped by an organized pair. You need to make sure that all sensors active will direct to an unoccupied room.
graogrim ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:45:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
New Raspberry Pi project!
CaptainBlagbird ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:35:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This doesn't work with multiple people though
solusipses ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:45:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ya but this would allow for a second person to assist in locating the noise.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Then do another proximity sensor that turns it off when you're close! If you've got one, itd be easy to put another in and would keep them on their toes.
461weavile ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:52:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unless there happened to be more than one person in the house for some strange reason
midwestrider ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:43:21 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This would produce exactly the same sensation and confusion as an auditory hallucination. Dude, this is so evil.
Burt__Macklin__FBI ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:23:38 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Calm down, Satan.
sheepshearer1975 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:15:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Better yet, use asmr whispering.
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 166 points ยท Posted at 13:55:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Love this one
CyFus ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:57:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
4 dollar bluetooth speaker adapters from amazon with splitter patch cords on all the speaker inputs, still works as usual but every so often you drive by with your laptop and play weird sounds
SNRatio ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:05:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's a film called The Following (nothing to do with the TV series) that uses your post to set a plot in motion:
It's actually one of my favorite films. Chris Nolan shot it as a student for $6000.
tossit22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:18:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I love you, too.
Sir_Me0wCat ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 14:50:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Small, randomly beeping device that you hide in the walls, ceiling, computer, etc.
http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/ihvg/
lesmax ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:18:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My boyfriend hid one of these in the office of the owner at work - it was a small water testing company. The guy was everywhere trying to figure out what it was, apparently even up on the roof at one point.
dookiejones ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:57:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The battery only lasts a month, I want this thing hooked up the power grid to ensure decades of madness inducing entertainment.
CyFus ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 14:59:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Too risky, he could pull the main breaker to the house, better install a nuclear battery
HeatMzr ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:59:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They make a Christmas ornament version.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 14:24:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or you could just put crickets in their house.
yanroy ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:03:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
At an old job one of my co-workers played a prank on another co-worker. He put a device that beeps every couple minutes into the drop ceiling. The kicker was that it had a light sensor, so if you lifted the ceiling tile to look for it, it wouldn't beep. The poor victim nearly lost his mind.
dookiejones ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:17:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
While I love it, the electronic noise wouldn't have the same effect as a soothing natural sound like waves. You want he noise to be pleasant but extremely out of place in the environment.
kate-plus-self-hate ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:15:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make the sound those obnoxious porn moans instead and I'm in
Billazilla ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:35:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I built one of these in high school and took it to class during an exam. It bothered the hell out of the whole room because everyone thought a bird had managed to get inside and no one could find it. At the bell, I started to leave when my teacher came over and quietly called me out. She let it slide though because it made her laugh. (also I am surprised this kit is still around, as I ordered it by mail catalog back in 1989.)
ArrowAxe ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:03:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Something like this? Trolling people over IP camera.
waynardskynard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Holy crap, this is some fucked up shit.
kickingpplisfun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:15:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is like the tamest reason why you secure should secure your network though...
Top_Gorilla17 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:34:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is the thing for you, then.
RhynoD ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:37:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or just fill their house with annoy-a-trons.
MizchiefKilz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:29:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You want one of these http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/ihvg/
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:30:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This deserves more attention
JEesSs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:46:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is brilliant!
LimesInHell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:47:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And then in their sleep knock th out with chloroform and drag their bed out onto the beach next to the ocean.
dookiejones ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:55:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That is stealing though, we don't want to do that, we want to watch their slow descent into despair and madness.
someguy945 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:16:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I see your idea is popular, but you haven't thought this all the way through.
If you do every outlet, the owner will find one or two immediately and then quickly go room to room pulling all the rest.
dookiejones ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:18:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's what the proximity sensor is for, and I am talking hidden inside the box the outlet is in. Basically buried inside the wall.
omashupicchu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:47:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Have you, like, done this before?
soproductive ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:31:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just make it cricket chirping til they eventually fumigate the house
GrindingWater ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:38:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And after several months, they get used to Larry the shy ghost that makes ocean sounds when there's no one is around.
That could become an interesting anti-burglar device: "honey, Larry in the kitchen suddenly got really really quiet..."
Jordan_B_123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Better yet, invert the signal so that the speaker comes on when you go near the sensor, so when they finally figure it out and find the sensor, they unplug it and the sound continues muahahahhahaha
oyp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Easier version: you buy several prepaid Android phones and set them with a special ring tone, like the sound of ocean waves... or a woman screaming for help. The you place the phones around the house, or even in several houses on a block. Call the phones from an extra prepaid phone you keep.
You could make several neighbors all call the police at the same time to report a woman calling for help in a neighborhood, resulting in the police searching the area adjacent to those houses. Perhaps the one house in the middle is the house you don't put a phone in, so all their neighbors call the police, and the house in the middle becomes the subject of the police search.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You monster.
Ianb219 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:52:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or buy a couple of these bad boys. That'll show em.
haveyounosense ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:03:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait don't play sounds of the ocean, have it sound like there are footsteps
Nyrb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:08:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
People whispering would be better.
charlesrae ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:12:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I did something similar to this when I was about 8.
McDonalds made this little happy meal toy watch once that had a sensitive button on it that every time you gently touched it, it'd make this loud UURRRRHHH sound. I unstitched my sisters pillow and put it inside.
She spent the whole night throwing her pillow around and taking off the case trying to understand how this was happening.
Maddog0057 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:13:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We did this to my roommate a while back except we hid a Bluetooth speaker in his bed and played whale calls while he slept, we started the volume on low and over the next couple of hours we raised it more and more, he woke up a couple of times and we would put it back down real low until he fell back to sleep. Eventually we had it up to full blast and he sat up and started mimicking the noises. He remembers none of this and has no idea we have a video of him loudly singing whale songs.
TERRAOperative ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:15:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
'Clifford the cricket'
Or
'Annoyatron'
You are welcome.
LucasLeArtist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This would be a great way to scare the shit out of someone if you used creepy sound effects instead of ocean waves.
hawkwings ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:28:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This might be a good use for an old obsolete iPhone. I bought a Halloween creepy sounds CD 20 years ago. I could upload that to the phone and set it to play.
Jagrofes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:28:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Relevant
http://i.imgur.com/3wP5iLS.png
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:39:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
crickets!
mikerichh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That is the most evil thing I've ever heard ๐ข
jinxjar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:52:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Disclaimer: I don't work for ThinkGeek.
http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/ihvg/
Blurgas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Annoy-o-trons
sevilyra ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:58:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This was my idea, but with opera. Annoy someone and expose them to opera at the same time.
fissionman1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:58:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Proximity sensor speakers with the low-battery smoke detector noise. So when you go find it, the noise stops.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have always wanted to somehow do something similar to my sister's house. She is a nut job and believes in the paranormal to the extreme. She also claims to be a psychic but she could never figure out how to predict all the bad things that have happened to her.
I would like to set up hidden speakers around her house or where ever she's living now and once in a while say something. I would have to disguise my voice. Knowing how nuts she is though she would be happy to connect with the 'spirit' voices.
VapeApe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:11:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Someone did this at an old job. They put one of those things in the ceiling tile. For weeks people thought they were going crazy.
N0tMyRealAcct ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:16:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid in the 70's little electronic build kits were popular.
There was one I liked in particular. It was a small device that would sound like a mosquito and had a light sensor. After a few minutes of darkness it would start making a mosquito sound and when you turned on the light it would stop.
What you'd do was to hide it behind something in someones bedroom.
nekkbeard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Instead of crashing waves it should be the Seinfeld transitions music
Serialsuicider ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was thinking you could fake a haunting at somebodies house like this.
n122333 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:28:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Get Thinkgeek's annoy-o-tron for a simpler solution.
Whiskey-Tango-Hotel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or instead children laughing.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/ihvg/ <--- for the lazy that want to annoy people.
BigKritClub ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:13:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My friends boyfriend did something like this. He placed a small speaker in the vent in her room that would play random ghostly whispering that would say her name and things related to her at night. In hindsight, he was a really creepy dude.
Natep1031 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So basically crickets
Huntanator88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've always wanted to do this but instead of ocean sounds use the Soviet national anthem.
Eating-Cereal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:24:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wanted to do something like this but with the Cantina song from Star Wars
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:10:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You are a devious son of a bitch.
NotFromReddit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:16:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You could always just put crickets in their house. That is exactly how crickets work.
Kylearean ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:19:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I installed something like this in my backyard. I've had a problem with people crossing through my backyard late at night, and they'd just break my fence or just hop over it -- got tired of it and repurposed an old motion sensor, an a laughing doll that my daughter used to play with until it fell in the bathtub. After the bathtub incident, the voice became modulated and creepy as hell. I installed the motion sensor in a way that would trigger the doll to laugh when someone walked near it, and I placed it outside near the normal path that they would take. It scared the shit out of everyone who tried to cross through. I also dug a spike pit a little further along, so that they'd impale themselves trying to run from the doll. Usually they don't die right away, but the ants finish them off fairly quickly.
OldBreadbutt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:30:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
but have the speakers play a muffled conversation instead.
zcbtjwj ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:33:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
something similar made me think I was crazy a while back: As I was walking round the house I would hear an occasional hissing sound, so I stop to try to hear it better and locate it. Silence.
Just as I move on, I hear another hiss. I can hear it in most rooms, but not all. I check the cooker, the heating, the taps, but the volume never changes.
Turns out my boots had worn down to the foam and were wet so would hiss when I put pressure on the heel on smooth floors.
Corvinm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:41:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And then exactly 1 hour after they've given up looking and are questioning their sanity and fallen asleep, play sounds of pissed off carnivorous animals until they wake up, then go back to ocean waves and repeat indefinitely. He/she will be completely Insane in probably about 2 weeks.
fireinthesky7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:42:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was going to suggest putting Annoy-a-Trons everywhere, but this is even better.
DlProgan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:32:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Alternative, whenever movement is detected in the kitchen with two hours minimum since last time the bedroom blasts bloody murder, screams or perhaps a chainsaw unless movement have been detected recently in the bedroom as well.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:37:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If it's a fat person, program it to beep like a semi in reverse.
Salesman89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:45:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
God i wanna bug someone's house now..
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:05:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or instead of ocean SOUNDS, have it play Ocean Man.
Patric13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:34:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or use a light sensor and have the sound cut out when it's light out that way the only way they could look for them would be in complete darkness
Sjokomelk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:40:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
http://imgur.com/a/EW9jx
I've made this. It's a USB dealie with a microcontroller and buzzer that randomly chirps every 1-120 minutes.
dookiejones ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:37:53 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is that USB powered? Nice, can I get the waves noise and prox sensor?
Sjokomelk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:47:08 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've no idea how to make a proximity sensor which can be hidden easily. I made this to plug into people's computers really. Or a USB charger :)
The main deal is the digispark arduino with a buzzer. I dunno if that's the best way to do it though. The digispark seem to have issues with timing.
NewWorldOrder781 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:44:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Damn that is fucking evil.
YoshiXIII ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:45:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No it has to be Weird Al Yankovic songs not ocean waves.
flacocaradeperro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:22:18 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A sensor that plays the Seinfield bass riff every time a door is opened.
apple_sandwiches ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:50:45 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Better yet, have it play the sound of a little girl laughing or a baby crying, make them think their house is haunted.
Nipsulix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:12:33 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A sound repeller such as rat repeller would probably work as well. Whenever I go to a house which has a rat repeller in it, I hear an irritable sound around the house. There are some other people who can hear this sound which proves I'm not a rat.
[deleted] ยท 4109 points ยท Posted at 12:35:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Install a bunch of Real Fake Doors.
KungFuHamster ยท 1702 points ยท Posted at 13:15:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
FINALLY. I am so tired of these doors that actually go places.
Penn25 ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 15:20:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you love pointless doors you would just love where I work.
jmdg007 ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 17:28:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Whats behind it
-L-e-o-n- ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:54:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you, my life is compete.
Spacecow ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:31:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's some House of Leaves shit
VelSparko ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:00:04 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You mean House of Leaves.
Uncrowded_zebra ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think I need to know what is behind that door.
Penn25 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:08:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's locked, why? I have no idea.
mycatdiedofaids ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:00:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's a door that leads to a mechanical device, the landlord/maintenance staff probably has the key.
metastasis_d ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:08:10 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The engineering building at my university has several of these doors to nowhere.
MyAnusBleedsForYou ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 14:21:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, fuck Mr. Tumnus.
Isthisgoodenoughyet ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:02:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Get outta that personal space
mike413 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:37:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But they can go to a REAL brick wall.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:50:26 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I know dude, those things just clutter up my home.
Doc_Marlowe ยท 1000 points ยท Posted at 14:00:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Let's just see where this goes...
EDIT: for the uninitiated.
notpetelambert ยท 216 points ยท Posted at 14:18:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nowhere.
poptart2nd ยท 73 points ยท Posted at 14:30:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
just like my life!
:D
:)
:|
:,(
eatapenny ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:11:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You messed that up. If you'd gone with the sad face without the tear, you could've gotten a happy face back from the smiley bot.
showmeyourtitsnow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:24:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did I do it right?
:D
:)
:|
:(
eatapenny ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:29:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We'll find out soon, I guess.
ProudFeminist1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:10:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nah it's there with in a minute so I think he stopped.
fireork12 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:18:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
:(
ProudFeminist1 ยท -6 points ยท Posted at 18:40:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck you
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:43:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When life opens a fake door it seals a fake window because there is no escape.
BoltonSauce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
:)
HerpaDerpaShmerpadin ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 14:49:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
๐น
I_HAVE_STDs ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:39:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This joke totally flew over my head until you pointed it out
notpetelambert ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:04:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Still here, still sellin fake doors.
daFunkyUnit ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 16:13:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Its like TV from other dimensions has looser feel to it.
Arteza147 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 18:12:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, its got an almost improvisational tone.
shareYourFears ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:48:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I mean I don't even care what the product is, if they actually did that for a commercial I'd at least consider it.
jhallen2260 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:26:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ahh they cut off Gazorpizorpfield
Sail4Singapore ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:18:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my god,
I just figured out the meta of this
It's a REAL FAKE COMMERCIAL
FOR REAL FAKE DOORS!
eternally-curious ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:30:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's not how meta works.
Sail4Singapore ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:48:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're not how meta works
SimMac ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:49:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
rekt
s2514 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:50:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For context they are watching TV on a cable box that was modified to get channels from every alternate universe.
Volraith ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:14:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wow this looks like such a great funny show that people should watch.
HokInternational ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:10:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Woa woa woa WHO'S AROUND ME?
boomfruit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:05:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
WHAT. It's still the commercial.
Jetcar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:58:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a little disappointing that website doesn't exist.
LegendofPisoMojado ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:21:53 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But we are initiated.
CallMeStark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:39:47 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
God I miss that show, I NEED SEASON THREE
soupy_e ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:28:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Man! I really need to start watching rick and morty!!
soupy_e ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:28:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Man! I really need to start watching rick and morty!!
mannieCx ยท 517 points ยท Posted at 14:30:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, are you tired of real doors, cluttering up your house, where you open โem, and they actually go somewhere? And you go in another room? Get on down to Real Fake Doors! Thatโs us. Fill a whole room up with โem. See? Watch, check this out! Wonโt open. Wonโt open. Not this one, not this one. None of โem open! FakeDoors.com is our website, so check it out for a lot of really great deals on fake doooors!
UltimateInferno ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 17:16:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is it done? What's going on. Shh... Morty. Watch.
Deadriser1234 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:39:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I Thought it sounded like a rick and Morty bit too! :D
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 18:48:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It is
Deadriser1234 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:26:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What episode? I've watched every one so far and i don't remember it. The interdimensional cable box maybe?
Frond_Dishlock ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:33:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes.
vitamintrees ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:03:34 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Season 1 episode 8 - Rixty minutes https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKhR4rEVDLY
kahbn ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:04:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go make a sandwich.
ADreamByAnyOtherName ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:21:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mm, won't open, mm, won't open. Mm, not this one, mm, not this one!
Dogs_Akimbo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:23:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Now, see, that's just crazy. All my fake doors open, but there's just a wall behind them. Psych!
kejoho ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:52:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like an ad in Welcome to Night Vale
Gear_ ยท 120 points ยท Posted at 14:10:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't even give it a second thought!
GreyCr0ss ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 14:42:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's our slogan
EbenumStudios ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:13:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Here's another one!
JovianDeuce ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:24:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Get in here quick, get out quicker with an arm of fake doors in your... arms
wetwilly2140 ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 14:34:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hey everybody! So this is my house, just made a sandwich, peanut butter and jelly, still here, still selling fake doors
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 14:33:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I get my Real Fake Doors second-hand from Ants-In-My-Eyes Johnson. I'm not sure who in their right mind sells their old Real Fake Doors, but Ant's deals are crazy!
[deleted] ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 14:30:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Who installs them though? Ants in my eyes Johnson
yanroy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:58:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I read that as "eyes on my Johnson" and thought it was someone known for sticking googley eyes to his dick.
413729220 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:53:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Also, he can't feel anything, but that goes to the wayside.
zleuth ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 14:29:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But where can I find enough real fake doors at reasonable prices? I, for one, am sick and tired of paying full retail prices for my real fake doors!
pigi5 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:39:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I know this is a Rick and Morty reference, but it reminds me of those doors in Luigi's Mansion.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:19:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My family used to actually have a fake door. We never worked out what the purpose of it was, but there was a door basically identical to the front door next to the real one. It had a door handle attached (to the outside only), and inside there was nothing to suggest it could possibly be a door - the stairs were in the way. The only hint of anything but wall was the screw keeping the fake doorknob in place. Weird.
Our cleaner seemed to appreciate it. Whenever she cleaned the house, the doormat would be moved to in front of the fake door instead of the real one.
capilot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:25:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Google actually did that in their main corporate office.
They bought the building from SGI, and gutted the interior to make a lot of open space. The architect took a bunch of the excess doors and just put them all around a conference room. It's the first thing you see when you come in the main lobby.
pgh9fan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:32:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wile E. Coyote approves.
Whisker_dan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Real Fake Doors https://youtu.be/pxbsV8QWGic
Jtaltstatt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:46:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What're you worried about?!
Nigel_-_Thornberry ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:06:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
turns knob
Won't open!
turns another knob
Won't open!
None of 'em open!!
sean_sucks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:06:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
House of leaves.
dungeon_plastered ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:56:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or install real doors to real closets and fill them with a bunch of stuff that the residents would probably own. Do this every night until they don't have walls anymore. Just closets. Install really tiny closets to fill in the spaces between doors. Once you're done with the walls then you move to the ceiling, then the floor, then the outside walls, then the roof until their entire house is made of doorways.
TotalShocker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:05:31 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
and Fake Real Doors!
AnxietyAttack2013 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:57:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Was this a TFS reference? I feel like this was a Team Four Star reference.
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 14:59:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rick and Morty.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 16:37:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
a rick and morty reference? on reddit? surely you jest
AnxietyAttack2013 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:13:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ahh, well that explains where they got it from. Haven't watched much Rick and Morty yet.
Bassethounds4ever ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:42:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Like the doors in Ocarina of Time that slam into you?
Wee2mo ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:00:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And sheetrock over a real door near one of the fakes.
f8al ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:27:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Found the winchester.
yeoldeskinsuit ยท 1122 points ยท Posted at 14:25:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I dated this girl for a while, a year and a half or something. About 2 months after we started dating I turned up to her house and she had this picture down off the wall and was moving the little piece of string that holds it down the other end of the frame. I asked her what she was doing and she replies super casually "Blowing my mothers mind". Her mum was a pretty big fan of weed, and was perpetually stoned, and my girlfriend explained that every now and then she'd rearrange stuff in the room her mum hung out in piece by piece, some times one day at a time, or sometimes a little faster and acted like everything was normal in there, It was her favorite game to play, and it pretty soon became mine too. She was heaps better at it than I was and some of the shit she came up with was incredible. When we broke up I was devastated, because I'd never get to play the game again. Edit: TIL I'm not a very nice person. I didn't even know Gas lighting was a thing!
Alsenis ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 17:34:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You gotta tell us some of these stories and the mother's reaction
Throwing_nails ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 18:58:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I mean if she was stoned enough then there prolly wasn't much of a reaction.
It's not that much fun to play pranks on someone that doesn't even notice.
mastigia ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 21:03:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You can borrow my mother in law to prank like this on. She likes to smoke weed every day. But, you gotta promise me to rearrange her place by pouring gas everywhere and lighting it on fire while she is passed out in it.
It'll be a hoot!
tatertots4u ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:08:13 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh shit. I could read this ten times and laugh at it every time.
I love you.
ur_fave_bae ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:51:32 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
that_escalated_quickly.jpg
jimmy_talent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:02:18 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe you should smoke some weed, it might help get rid of the whole murderous rage thing.
mastigia ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:24:16 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think I should let you hang out with my MiL haha.
bloodbond3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:53:44 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I, for one, appreciate your gaslighting pun. Well done good sir
jimmy_talent ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:58:39 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I can't believe I missed that, far more well crafted than your average pun.
[deleted] ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 15:57:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
storm_echo ยท 70 points ยท Posted at 16:17:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
:(
6000j ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:00:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, the keeper is torture, and i can see why someone would want to break up with it.
Dylamb ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:54:16 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
yeah why would you like to fight ??? with the keeper
Trainzack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:57:42 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Now that's a relevant username.
Edit: Oh, it was just Reddit having a seizure. So not actually relevant at all.
hitmewithyourbest ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 17:26:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Come on, you have to give us some details now...
yeoldeskinsuit ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 11:57:10 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The first little project involved turning all the photos on the walls upside down. Just one at a time. It took her about a week to notice, we came into her loungeroom one day and she was sat just starring at the wall, we asked her what was doing and she told us she thought the photos would look better the other way around, which was pretty underwhelming until she asked us to help her fix them, then proceeded to try and hang them picture side down, glass against the wall. We also changed the photo in the frames to photos of her dog, and terribly photoshopped (read not photoshop, some shitty free editing software) her into various vacation photos, mostly in third world environments and asked her to tell us about the times she visited those places. She was pretty comfortable with lying, so she told us plenty of stories of trips to africa she never took. We stacked magazines under the cushions in her couch, or down the back rest between the cushions and the frame to make it different thicknesses so when she sat down it kind of messed with her depth perception. They were all slow burns.. we'd leave it for a week so she got used to it, then change it. It's way too stereotypical but a whoopee cushion was probably the best thing we ever stuffed in her couch, and hearing her scream "I CAN'T FEEL IT SO I OBVIOUSLY CAN'T CONTROL IT!" was fantastic.
meloncarry ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 16:53:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This ended sad :/
yeoldeskinsuit ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:01:49 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was working on some assignments and were supposed to go on a double date that night with her best friend and her new boyfriend and I rung her like an hour before we were supposed to leave, I was super stressed because it was a pretty major project and I told her I was worried I wouldn't finish it in time. She was silent for a bit then told me not to worry about it, that she wanted to spend some time alone anyway. I said thanks and said I could come around after, to which she replied "By some time I mean for ever and by alone I mean just not with you", and that was the last time we spoke. I used to wonder if maybe I'd gone to see that movie everything would be okay, until I found out she'd been seeing someone else for a couple of months. I think there might be a silver lining in there somewhere.
meloncarry ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:16:59 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Upvoted because that sucks and I don't know how else to comfort you.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:51:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't smoke weed and I probably wouldn't even notice subtle changes.
ncnotebook ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 21:10:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't smoke weed and I probably wouldn't even notice subtle changes.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:23:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why did you repeat what I said?
BanEmilyxD ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 21:25:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did you notice the subtle change?
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:06:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No I didn't.
keboses ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 22:31:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It was formatting, but it would have been smarter if a word had changed
ncnotebook ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:54:11 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That would've been less subtle. If I changed a letter/word, I don't know if I would've fooled anybody (so far, I've fooled 2).
Rekcals32 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:17:35 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That was a bold move
yaminokaabii ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:26:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought it would be a really clever joke, with them replacing a lowercase L with a capital I or something. But at the time I made this comment, it's exactly the same :(
ncnotebook ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 21:31:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
On my screen, the text is slightly higher than normal. Maybe other screens don't show it (I used superscript and headers to cancel each other out, but I can see the difference.) If you have RES, click "source" below my post.
yaminokaabii ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:34:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
AUUUUUUGH
TIL I don't smoke weed and I don't even notice subtle changes.
ncnotebook ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:37:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kill me now. My life is complete.
CaitlinSarah87 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:59:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ohhhhh! On mobile, it just looks like the text is bold!
ncnotebook ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:00:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dammit! At least some effect is still there.....
Tynach ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:58:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Protip: If you're only doing one level of superscript, you can wrap the contents in parentheses so that you don't have to put a carat in for every word. Like this:
Which looks like this:
Some bug or something in their code makes it not work with nested superscripts, though. So you can't use this to more easily make very small text or the like (just the first level of it).
rednax1206 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:23:27 on June 28, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You mean ^(you can't) ^(use it) ^(to do things like)... Crap
ncnotebook ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:53:18 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I just clicked the superscript button (idk about normal reddit, but RES has it).
Tynach ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:38:51 on June 28, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I sometimes type up super long posts and need to conserve the number of characters I use.
But I do realize that practically never happens for most other people.
ncnotebook ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:10:02 on June 28, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I type a lot compared to other sites, but not compared to reddit. Similarly, I type really fast compared to most other people, but when I talk at that speed in real life, I sound slow (ignoring how I can't talk and think at the same time).
I was totally being relevant.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:06:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh. Lol.
yaminokaabii ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:13:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
wat
Edit: Did you see ncnotebook's reply? As in, the person who actually replied to you with the subtle change?
micboobyqc ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:51:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
:(
Irishperson69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:00:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Please share some of the things y'all did, that sounds awesome
suupaahiiroo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:40:47 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting
MugaSofer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:10:34 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's kind of messed up honestly, she must have thought she was going crazy.
I mean, besides the weed she was smoking.
triggc ยท 5598 points ยท Posted at 12:40:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
replace all of their family photos with pictures of giraffes.
shopdog ยท 2903 points ยท Posted at 14:12:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or photoshop Nicholas Cage into them, replacing a family member.
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 727 points ยท Posted at 14:35:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/onetruegod
fnhflexy ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 15:03:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I just found out about this sub today.
People are weird
Jebediah_Blasts_off ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 17:00:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
we are the servants of the one true god
heathens don't understand us!
OlDirtyFester ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:16:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shun the nonbeliever brother!
Heathen15 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:56:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes I do
funkyb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:42:50 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/templeofthephil
Jaydeepappas ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 15:01:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i dont wanna click that
Wissam4004 ยท 56 points ยท Posted at 15:03:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes you do
kenabi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:18:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
plot twist: he's already a subscriber
Pick-me-pick-me ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That isn't really a plot twist
kenabi ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 18:32:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
better twist than m night shamalamadingdong seems to be able to come up with :D
AmeriFreedom ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 15:05:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
NOT THE BEES
NoddyDogg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha
shlazzer ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:26:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
YOULL CLICK IT AND LIKE IT
NDBeans929 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:00:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
/r/templeofthephil
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:05:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
oh man I love this
why isn't the cursor a hot dog though?
NDBeans929 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:10:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It has been shown that The Phil - praise be - has rejected the nourishment of hot dogs
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
he's lying though
have you ever seen the Phil eat a hot dog and not like it?
the_karma_collector ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:26:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Praise the mighty Lord!!!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:56:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wasn't even skeptical going into this one.
HappyHashBrowns ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/ofcoursethatsathing
mrcowmr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Haven't seen that link for a couple years.
jessemeier54 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:08:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Everyday, God's light shines less and less
DarthHound ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:25:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That is God.
Juggale ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:28:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A BELIEVER!!!
Skirtz ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 14:41:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make it the same family member in each picture that gets replaced with Nic Cage. In fact, over the course of several years, start to slowly morph the family member in those pictures to look more and more like Nic Cage, so that they don't notice and you insert a false memory into their brain that someone in their family actually used to look like Nicolas Cage.
vincentkahrune ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 15:15:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or,
Slowly fade out one person, like in back to the future.
Then slowly fade in nice cage.
on_the_nip ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:39:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The one true god is the nicest cage.
uNecrotic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:45:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit
kamikaze_goldfish ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:28:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My son did this, slowly over a period of months, with pictures of Steve Buscemi. I pretended not to to notice to see how long it would go on.
FirstWaveMasculinist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:02:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
and? how long did it go on?
Heathen15 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:59:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's still going on
smbdyPDX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:25:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
http://imgur.com/u1XcU9s http://imgur.com/k6jM7KC http://imgur.com/K75i2JI http://imgur.com/1ZMsY6h Hahaha. I did Clint Howard when house sitting for my family. Couldn't wait for them to notice so I pointed it out as I was leaving. There are still some up they haven't found..this was two years ago.
kamikaze_goldfish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:11:28 on June 28, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We moved about 6 months after he started, and at that point I was forced to admit I noticed.
heybrother45 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:33:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You want to annoy them, not improve their lives
Seanmed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:34:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've always liked Matt Damon
Oskie5272 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:58:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace them with pictures of giraffes with Nick Cafรฉ's face photoshopped on them
nater255 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:05:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I did this to one of my engineers at my office when he went on a business trip. Took him weeks to notice.
I_blue_myself_87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:06:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Actually had this idea when my friends very unstable dad developed a bizarre obsession with The Cage. Walked in on his dad photoshopping his face on to random peoples bodies, we thought it was only a matter of time before the family photos went as well.
MrIncontic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:16:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But what if your burglarizing the one true god's house?
SteevieWeavie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:20:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Then hire Nicholas Cage to replace that family member.
boomfruit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad does this, except with pictures of a local realtor he is ironically obsessed with.
capilot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This. Do this.
bobbysq ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But the same family member each time.
ARookwood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I left my last job I printed out loads of passport sized Nicholas Cage's and hid them in random places like under the keyboard, bottom of a drawer, above eye level in the customers toilet. For months I had texts from my old boss (happens to be my friend) saying NICHOLAS BLOODY CAGE!.
Woahtheredudex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:25:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of the time when I lived with my sister we had a friend of hers move in with us. So for the first week she was there I placed pictures of Nicholas Cage all over the house. In her drawers, on the bathroom mirror, under the toilet seat, in cereal boxes. Was great fun.
But then she slept with my brother-in-law and destroyed their family. Not as much fun.
voluntaryamnesia21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:26:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or Cera, for that matter ;)
hollander93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:43:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds like an improvement
hwf0712 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:59:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Photoshop nicholas cage onto giraffes
mr_candles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:32:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nicholas Witchell
mycatwearsbowties ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:55:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I did this at my office for April Fool's. At each desk, I took one or two pictures and replaced them with Nicholas Cage. It surprisingly took people a while to catch on.
gameboy17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:22:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or get Nicholas Cage to actually replace a family member/roommate, while said roommate poses as Nicholas Cage.
omarei ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:13:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to live in Halifax, Canada. I had a phone number there. After college, I moved to Montreal and got a new number. A few months later friends from Halifax were messaging me on Facebook asking why I am sending them nude shops of Nic Cage. Turns out the guy who got my old number was fed up of answering people and messages made out to me, that he just went balls out sending Nic Cage nudes to everyone.
The strange part is I decided to call him one day out of curiosity to apologize, and he was like "so you're omarei, you must be really popular with all these texts and phone calls n shit". I chuckled and played along, but truth be told, when I was in Halifax for 4-5 years I hardly ever got calls or texts. My flat-mate was the popular one who made the plans, I just tagged along.
YoshiXIII ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:46:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
2222nd upvote!
DSPR ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:44:11 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
problem: what if Nicholas Cage was already in their family?
deebee815 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:12:43 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had a friend do that to me at work while I was on vacation. Came back Nicholas Cage replaced every single person in all my pictures and the drawings my daughter did.
Lamshoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:46:50 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ok, who are we doing this to and when? I'm ready!
Alice_in_Neverland ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:09:46 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We have a running gag in my family where we'll do this, but with my uncle (instead of Our Lord and SaviorNick Cage). He lives in Alaska and doesn't visit very often, so the joke started when we would photoshop him into family photos as if he had actually been there.
Now the joke is to replace photos in family members' homes with ones where my uncle's face is shopped onto random other people in the photo. May personal favorite was when my cousin managed to resolve every single photo that featured his toddler brother with photos that had the (very creepy) adult face instead of a baby face. We've also sneak a few into wedding albums, which are also fun.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:14:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
caidapam ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:19:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I for one would like to see photos of that masterpiece
Hanzi777 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:34:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Giraffes with nic cages head
NeokratosRed ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:45:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stupid long horses
BigFootIRL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:37:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or.... giraffes with Cage's head photoshoped on them!
xAurai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:55:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/ncage/hnbmfljfohghaepamnfokgggaejlmfol?hl=en
Install this.
FLIGHTxWookie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:40:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Somebody actually went through my friends' apartment with cutout heads of Nic Cage and stuck them everywhere. My friends have no idea who did it, but to this day they'll just find little Nic Cage heads in some random place.
NeokratosRed ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:45:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or just hide him in every possible picture in their house.
Like, after a few months they casually discover a Nicholas Cage in one picture and think: "Huh, weird".
Then after a while they discover another Nicholas Cage and get suspicious.
Eventually they will find him in every picture of the house and freak out.
[deleted] ยท 577 points ยท Posted at 13:40:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Guests come over
And these are our ki- Huh? Giraffes?? JOHN!!
I didn't do it!!
732 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 14:33:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Billy is a goat...
The_Undrunk_Native ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 17:04:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That darn kid
Just_For_Da_Lulz ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:21:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And now, it's the "I Didn't Do It" dancers!
DELIBIRD_RULEZ ยท 663 points ยท Posted at 14:16:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Geraffes are so dumb.
[deleted] ยท 641 points ยท Posted at 14:25:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
stupid long horses
Walter2Sweet34 ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 14:46:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
edit: spelling
squizzage ยท 50 points ยท Posted at 15:13:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Edit: quit downvoting me asshats I'm not the one who tried to eat a wall.
-LiberaMeFromHell- ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 20:34:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
EDIT: hey before you hit that down arrow why don't you ask yourself why you can't take a joke you losers. jesus the pc crap has extended to long horses? because that is all those things are, and no one was bawling when that chimp got shot for eating that lady's face. so are you racist for long horses over gorillas? hippocrites.
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 14:53:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
edit: fuck
zackarhino ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/me_irl
AvatarWaang ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:27:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Link please?
[deleted] ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 15:30:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do you mean this? https://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/8aqjh/awww_this_is_just_too_sad_pic/c08pp5z
PotatoLunar ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 16:31:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Holy fuck, 42000 comments?
ThundercuntIII ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:38:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You'd need a long neck to read all of that in one go
you_got_fragged ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:24:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You have to be a long horse
CeltiCfr0st ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:42:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tch, at least I am not the one trying to eat the wall
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:00:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Edit: Spelling
ThundercuntIII ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:38:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I can't believe that obvious joke was downvoted so much.
Hibernian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stupid Leopard Camels
Rock_Carlos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dumb tall goats
thatwasnotkawaii ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:10:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
EDIT: Why are you downvoteing me
PM_PIC_4_COMPLIMENTS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:20:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Edit: spelling
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:15:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[removed]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:28:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
https://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/8aqjh/awww_this_is_just_too_sad_pic/c08pp5z
Inhimility ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:20:34 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I read this with Homer Simpsons voice.
ahappypoop ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:16:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hippocrits
Mr_Biscuits_532 ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 15:30:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Goddamn tall goats
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:21:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, you just risked getting like -10k. But got +100? Go buy some lottery todai, says reddit.
DELIBIRD_RULEZ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:32:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
that's a reference to an older comment which is hilarious. I like giraffes :)
MrPotatoPenguin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:32:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's still a pretty big chance that you just get downvoted :P
wafflemanfuzz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:06:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fucking neckers...
ifonlyicouldsay ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:28:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Deli birds are much better
DELIBIRD_RULEZ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:36:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, if you compare girafarig to delibird, we have a clear winner in the latter. I mean, he's a bird, a mailman and Santa!
vervem_11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:44:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stupid geraffe-loving bandwagon
GiraffeCubed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:14:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
:(
Captain-Obviouss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/u/motivationalgiraffe
BraveHartt135 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:24:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Geraffes are insincere, elephants are kindly but dumb
FTFY
galacticprincess ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:44:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
stupid WALL LICKING long horses
noveltyornah ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:38:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
stupid long horses
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:52:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I can think of one reason why you and I would not get along.
TheScottymo ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:48:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace framed pictures with pictures of frames.
Burnaby ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:33:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or spoons
Derhek123 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:07:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is my favourite
Timwi ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:56:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hm, what does that say about you and giraffes?
kingly_cheese ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:54:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or someone else's family.
godbois ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:10:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
stupid long horses
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:19:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not Nicholas Cage?
AlleyCrawler ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:10:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I actually did something similar but with pictures of Bill Murray.
http://i.imgur.com/6GU0j5d.jpg
Gmarcott42 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:50:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Since the photos on the walls could all be different sizes, you could get a bunch of small or medium sized pictures of giraffes and then just tape them over the pictures. This would work best for the really small or larger photos, where the picture would be bigger than the frame or only cover part of the picture, like just someone's face on it.
Kichigai ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:09:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tom are you Googling giraffes again?
valoopy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:20:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But what if my family is giraffes?
OminousLampPost ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:35:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When i was on a safari i saw a male giraffe trying to sexually dominate a younger male. My guide simply said there was no such thing as a gay giraffe. The dominant male then began to commit to his intentions and started to hop up from behind. Gay giraffe guys.
JonesBee ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:48:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd change them to Gary Busey. Way more psychological terror.
TweekedJustABit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:17:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would not see a difference
iloveopshit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:19:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So, I dont need to replace the photos in your house
-PrincessPepperoni ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:28:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn the photo upside down inside of the frames and switch one or two around the house and out of photo albums.
theinsanepotato ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:45:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sloths bro, sloths.
Kepui ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:07:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My aunt and uncle had me watch their dogs while they went on vacation once. They have this picture arrangement that shows like a breakdown of their family. There's one of my grandparents, my mother and father, their kids, and one of them all together. Well my uncle by trade used to be a farmer and he likes to collect model tractors. I took down all the pictures, carefully, and replaced them with a picture of a John Deere tractor and assembly diagrams for some of its parts. The day they got back I pointed it out to my uncle and he just giggled and kept quiet. My aunt didn't notice for almost a month.
RonaldTheGiraffe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:07:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I like this
AskMeAboutGiraffes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:37:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I agree
Q1989 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:38:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
could do this to my sisters house and they wouldn't notice, giraffes everywhere.
triggc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
do it, for the good of the cause!
krkirch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:40:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Giraffes? Giraffes!
Great band, even better book
sessimon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:58:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Another option is to replace all of their family photos with face swap versions of the same photos. I bet it would take a very long time for anyone to notice.
Plus I would eat the rest of the pizza in the fridge.
WiseGuyJoe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:04:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
why not pictures of sheep?
vuhleeitee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:05:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Slowly, though. Just a few pictures at a time.
HybridSpud ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:12:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
or better yet photoshop giraffe heads on all of their family photos, then replace them
AustinHouseSale ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:15:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
replace all their family photos with pictures of Chappelle's family.
MakeLoveNotWarPls ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:19:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Needs more Danny Devito
RogerDeanVenture ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I add pictures of me to my friends homes. They either don't ever notice or end up enjoying having a picture of me. None of the ever take it down or comment on them.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:30:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My friend and I were drunk at her mum's house watching the place a few months ago.
We decided to replace any pictures of her that her mom had with pictures of me posed exactly and wearing the same-ish clothes (colour scheme wise).
It was about 8 pictures, and it didn't take very long but we thought we were hilarious.
Her mom thought it was weird that two 30-year-old women would think to do that.
misskimboslice ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:33:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My parents pulled a prank like this while I was house sitting for a couple they were friends with. We replaced all of the pictures of them with pictures of us to see how long it would take them to realize.
It became pretty obvious after we decided to cut out my stepdads head and tape it to baby jesus in their nativity set. Oh and the huge blown up picture of my parents with their back to the camera, overlooking a maui cliff, naked. That was taped over their knock-off Monet in the master bathroom.
Ramza_Claus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:44:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just don't make any one room too giraffey.
cowboy-up ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:46:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In my home, this would be worse than stealing stuff. I hate giraffes with such a passion I would likey burn each frame containing anything resembling a giraffe.......... my son has never had a single giraffe item in his posession. Not clothes, toys, blankets, nothing. You'd be surprised at how difficult it is to outfit an entire child from birth to toddler without a single giraffe. Someone apparantly decided somewhere in history that the giraffe was the best mascot of children's items. That's makes avoiding them surprisingly difficult. Fucking giraffes. Please don't ever come to my home you sick fuck.
Citizen51 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:51:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In college one of the guys in my dorm had a girlfriend that looked very similar to Emma Watson. So one day while he in class we took the picture on his desk of him and her together and carefully put a picture of Emma Watson over the girlfriend's face.
He didn't notice for about two weeks when she came and visited for a weekend.
GrijzePilion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or that one picture of Nigel Farage laughing. Gets me everytime even though I hate the cunt.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:55:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Giraffes are dumb
Entropy_5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:03:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would gild you for this comment. But I'm cheap. So here's a thumbs up.
(Imagine my thumb being pointed upward. Now.)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:03:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/JGLGiraffes
Ziectial ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:18:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put an actual giraffe in their house
you_got_fragged ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:27:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
shockingly relevant
JonSnowInTheTardis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:43:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all the photos with pictures of Steve Harvey
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:02:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Three weeks ago I replaced a picture of my sister with the Fresh Prince and my parents just recently noticed it. They haven't bothered to take it down.
iRasha ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My brother once replaced every photo in my house with photos of sloths
awaitsV ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:14:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Gerafes are dumn
doodybeard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a band on tour we would steal people's family photos
giraffekidd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Umm yes please!
WaxToest ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or pictures of naked butts.
Hapankaali ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pictures of spoons would be better. That would really tear them apart.
karter0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What if they don't believe in giraffes
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stupid long neck horses
Kraftrad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I did a similar thing to my neighbor. When he went on vacation for two weeks, he asked me to water his plants and gave me the keys. Since he had a striking resemblance to actor Joey Slotnick, I replaced all his framed photos with colormatched photos of Joey Slotnick. It took him the better part of the month to find all of them.
Oh, and I interchanged the N and M keys on his Keyboard, along with , and . And also the upper and lower row on the numerical block.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:48:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would use picture of space sloths first.
MacDungus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:00:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My brothers did something similar as a prank on my parents, where they replaced all the pictures in the house with shitty hand-drawn versions in the night.
I would post them here if I wasn't way too lazy, but just take my word for it that they were pretty great
exatron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:19:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stupid long family.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:38:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stupid long horses
ASsimilate88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:38:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd say spoons is the more correct answer!
gamer8321 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:40:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
family calls police
police come over
Police officer: did the people that broke into your house steal anything sir?
House owner: no, but look at this giraffe
BobTheEmuKing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:40:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stupid long horses
giraffecause ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:53:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This.
omarei ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:13:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to live in Halifax, Canada. I had a phone number there. After college, I moved to Montreal and got a new number. A few months later friends from Halifax were messaging me on Facebook asking why I am sending them nude shops of Nic Cage. Turns out the guy who got my old number was fed up of answering people and messages made out to me, that he just went balls out sending Nic Cage nudes to everyone.
The strange part is I decided to call him one day out of curiosity to apologize, and he was like "so you're omarei, you must be really popular with all these texts and phone calls n shit". I chuckled and played along, but truth be told, when I was in Halifax for 4-5 years I hardly ever got calls or texts. My flat-mate was the popular one who made the plans, I just tagged along.
GrahamHosken ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:02:22 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
dum geraffes
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:52:24 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Gradually, over a few days.
Gneissisnice ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:43:20 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My brother and I started doing this to my parents' house, but with pictures of sloths.
DSPR ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:43:39 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
although if it's a family of giraffes this won't work. in that case, use lions.
Mr-Briteside ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:02:57 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bonus points if you can recreate the original poses
Weep2D2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:11:22 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Damn neckers - go back to where you came from!
M0onM0on ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:22:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
geraffes are so dumb
hellschatt ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:26:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
geraffes are so dumb.
Fremano ยท 1998 points ยท Posted at 12:52:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mismatch their socks; crush up ยพ of their cereal into crumbs & cover it with the remaining uncrushed ยผ so it looks normal; empty their shampoos & conditioners then put the conditioner into the shampoo bottle & shampoo into the conditioner bottle; put loose change into every pocket of whatever is in their laundry hamper; fill their pepper shaker up but put a thin layer of salt at the top; rotate their shower knob/shower knob plate by a centimetre so they lose their sweet spot; swap around their HDMI cables so port 1 is now port 3, etc; open up their door knobs & rig it so it can only be turned one way to open. I mess with my roommates a bunch.
[deleted] ยท 1522 points ยท Posted at 14:44:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
TheGikona ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 17:05:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Joke's on him. Our heater/cooler (no idea what it's actually called) is broken. Water from hell every day all day!
espo1234 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:46:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't you mean all day every day? It just sounds weird.... like josh and drake, or dad and mom, etc.
BrowsingFromPhone ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:12:23 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I tried a few of these and they all sounded pretty normal both ways until I got to jelly and peanut butter.
g4yg4n ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:22:17 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They go together like a pod with peas in it.
espo1234 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:45:51 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A pod with two* peas in it
gayscout ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:51:43 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've heard peas in a pod more frequently than I've heard two peas in a pod
espo1234 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:55:39 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"They are such good friends; they are like two peas in a pod". That is how I have heard it all my life.
Gotelc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:25:11 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Central air conditioning split system AC with a furnace, window AC, Radiator, boiler, Mini-split AC.
One of those should be the name.
Nightguard119 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:39:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Too far, too hot, too cold, a little too hot, way too cold, ahhh just right" FTFY
demuni ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:42:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I know the general position and then fine tune every time. Depending on the weather I take different temperatures of shower. Also depending on the time of day/outside temperature my water temperature is different so I'm forced to adjust by feel anyways.
Hugh_Jass_Clouds ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:19:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Good thing I do mine by feel.
corbygray528 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:13:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Same. Turn it all the way up, turn it back just a little bit. I don't even know if our shower knob or plate say anything I haven't looked at them in so long. Also doesn't help that I can't see anything when I get in the shower because I don't have my glasses on.
givememegold ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:35:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out...
fox-eared_asshole ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:43:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ok 5mm then
KidPrince ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:51:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My water heater is shitty so my sweet spot is just the hottest it can be
MJ17X ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:30:16 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The cereal part is too cruel. You just can't mess with a person's cereal.
mjbyrd ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 15:20:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Boil half the eggs and mix them up. Relace their shoelaces backwards. Cover bars of soap in clear nail polish. Put glitter in their pants pockets.
SaneCoefficient ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 16:47:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Glitter?! Now that's going too far
Jaerivus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sniffed you out, Rip Taylor.
NotThtPatrickStewart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:32:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What kind of shoes do you have with omni-directional laces?
mjbyrd ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:47:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Relacing them so them so instead of tying them at the top they tie at the bottom, towards the toe.
NotThtPatrickStewart ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:25:50 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oooohhhhh. That uh.... Makes a lot of sense.
[deleted] ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 14:51:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Seth711 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:32:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or a pack of gum.
IKnowUThinkSo ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:42:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The four worst things for laundry: tissues, gum, crayons, lipstick/oil based Chapstick.
I have made all four of these mistakes at least once.
SaneCoefficient ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:47:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or a pen
Defavlt ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 15:48:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's a sweet spot? I just continually turn the heat higher and higher until I'm cooked
Swimguy72125 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:09:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're a monster
ThundercuntIII ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:49:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus will never come back.
lFrylock ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 15:38:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Have you ever thought that maybe nobody likes you?
FromIvyOutMiddle ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:30:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for your pleasing use of fractions.
uNecrotic ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:48:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That cereal one is sinister
Array_of_Chaos ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:13:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The shower one sounds like the worst to me
BeLikeTheTreeAndLeaf ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:33:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Joke's on you I mismatch my socks on PURPOSE
dannighe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:29:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're a monster. I bet you don't even care if one of your socks is turned around and the heel is on top you sick bastard.
BeLikeTheTreeAndLeaf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
;)
hare_in_a_suit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:39:45 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm just too lazy to find matching socks.
SheeEttin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:09:17 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I pair all my socks when I do laundry. If you put them together and flip them inside out, they'll stay as a pair.
rubydrops ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:10:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If anyone did that to my cereal, I'd go full CSI and find out where they live so I can sprinkle crushed cereal all over their bed.
kevinthediltz ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:08:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I found Hitler.
antibubbles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:01:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
wubalubadubdub What is this?
solusipses ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:47:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would never notice ever if this was done to me. Besides I usually just take the bar to my scalp anyway.
CockGobblin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:10:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldn't want to make you my enemy...
Mchellaram ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:19:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You basterd. When will the torture end???
MichaelNevermore ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:24:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Woah, how is this done?
eternally-curious ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:26:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would literally never notice.
FGHIK ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:34:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Joke's on you, I use three in one bodywash, shampoo and conditioner
LostByMonsters ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:37:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is the mind of a pure mad man. Pure evil.
MrWindu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Calm down there, Satan
balofg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I like burglars who leave money instead of taking it.
Nebula22333 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is pure evil.
I love it.
2pacneverdies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You can do the loose change part to me so I'll be rich enough to buy a damn mchicken with its raised price
The_1st_Name_I_Chose ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:02:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your use of actual fractions instead of 3/4 etc pleases me
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:00:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The HDMI one sounds great if you want to flounder around behind a tv for ages
AlwaysClassyNvrGassy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:12:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know why, but I've always wanted to empty someone's tube of toothpaste, rinse it out thoroughly, and fill it back up with gummy bears.
steadyasthepenisdrum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:45:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're the roommate that thinks they're hilarious when actually everyone hates you and bitches about you behind your back. Yes I have lived with a dickhead roommate before, why do you ask?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:51:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is called having kids.
Timmay13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:09:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You are the master of annoying. I shall try to learn from you.
Divorve may pend for me.
MomWTF ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:21:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jokes on you, I have a 5 year old son. That's my normal.
Pegitron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:42:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
YOU SAVAGE
Pjoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:44:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fill up shampoo & conditioner every day, see if they eventually notice.
gagagoogaga ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:35:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You monster.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:49:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I washed my hair with conditioner then shampoo until senior year in high school when I realized it was the wrong way. Jesus my hair felt so soft when I did it right.
Diddy_8D ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:55:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As much as I love this, I think you are Satan
GurJobD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:08:13 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I hope you know you're an asshole
Ace_Tiger_Panzer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:51:09 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hah! I don't use a shower!
Skellingtoon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:11:44 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You are an evil evil man/woman/demon
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:41:06 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a little nervous about how thoroughly and intricately you've thought about everything here.
rex2oo9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:23:43 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
please calm down Satan
NaeveSpencer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:52:31 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My best friend had a baby recently, and her most hilarious pregnancy-brain moment: Hair is greasy, don't feel like a full shower. Reach for can of spray dry-shampoo. Start spritzing, doesn't seem to be working. I GUESS I'M JUST NOT PUTTING ENOUGH ON! Proceed to nearly empty contents of can onto head, without seized result. Shrug and continue with day.
Head up to bed, see the can of dry shampoo on the dresser. Weird, hair was done in the bathroom, how did this get in here? Move it to bathroom counter, where the nearly empty bottle of dry shamp--nope. That is spray deodorant. These bottles look waaay too similar. Pregnancy:7 friend:0
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:22:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One from Dennis the Menace? Put mouthwash in their nasal spray and toilet cleaner in their mouthwash, being careful to match colours...
GildedLily16 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:48:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well one of those could kill them, so.......
joecoolbeans ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:08:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If it's funny, does it really matter?
GildedLily16 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:19:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's just a prank, bro!
HowTheyGetcha ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Only if they drink mouthwash.
darknemesis25 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 14:45:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Easy there Satan
Motivatedformyfuture ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:09:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I only have one type of sock so I never have to match them, I don't eat cereal, and I don't have conditioner. I'm fucked on the rest of it though.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:44:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nair cream in the shampoo bottle, but not the entire bottle. Mix it with the shampoo so they slowly lose their hair.
skeeter_mcbee ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:59:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You are a sick, sadistic bastard.
billbapapa ยท 8733 points ยท Posted at 12:43:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
You say this like it's a joke.
A buddy sub-letted my university apartment one summer. I forgot I'd given him two keys (one for him and one for his girlfriend). He gave me back his. We all forgot about the girlfriends.
She would occasionally come in when she was driving into or out of town and passing the house, and do "nice" (READ THAT AS CREEPY AS FUCK) things for us.
Example, she's be early to see him, know he had class till 3pm. Go into his house and like, do the dishes. Then go out and get lunch, pass by our house, and then come in and do our dishes to be nice. Then go meet him. Never leave a note or anything.
I basically thought we had a ghost or I was losing my mind. Because just little things like chores would be done and I swore we didn't do them. After a bit laundry would be done, and folded or put away wrong, so I was pretty sure someone was doing it, or my girlfriend I lived with was lying if she said she didn't do it. Then house hold items would be in weird places.
Eventually she baked up bread and left it on the counter. Again no noted but that was a very much "WTF SOMEONE IS DOING SOMETHING" move.
If it had been more modern I would have done a webcam and saw what was happening, but alas, instead I talked to the landlord, he changed the locks.
Then she phoned me one day and asked me why I changed the locks. And told us she was doing that all along.
It was a really sweet and weird fucking thing.
PS - we gave her another key with a heart on it after all was said and done
PPS - they are still alive, got married and are living happily ever after. I probably wrote in the past tense because it was like 15 years ago and I don't see them as much as I'd like anymore.
Stonn ยท 6041 points ยท Posted at 13:41:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
You are so lucky though. For a while you lived in a world that is exciting. Where maybe ghosts existed. And you got your chores done and homebaked bread.
Thanks to the friendly ghost for gilding!
Haymus ยท 1776 points ยท Posted at 14:20:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not sure why OP got locks changed, I'd pay someone a good amount of money to be the maid I'd never see
VladimirPootietang ยท 327 points ยท Posted at 14:27:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
the worst part of a maid is her being around and in the way, this would be perfect!
[deleted] ยท 69 points ยท Posted at 14:50:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think Arnold Schwarzenegger would disagree with you on this on.
I_DO_JUMPING_JACKS ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:04:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Am I out of the loop on something I don't get it?
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:08:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yup
VladimirPootietang ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 15:59:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
haha "the Twins actor", I love thats what they credit him for. Also, didnt know he had a kid with the maid. Kid looks like a young hispanic chubby arnold.
edit: he's grown into himself. Guess it was just a pic during the chubby awkward phase. http://www.etonline.com/news/2016/05/24239323/embed_joseph_baena_FFN_JDFF_051616_52059475.jpg
Extiminator ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:15:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Now just the awkward phase.
JohnnyHendo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:31:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's still too politically incorrect. It's now called "that tough time everyone goes through in their lives" phase.
temptedtrouble991 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:46:11 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What's wrong with his face?
rdwtoker ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:40:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wow that's a horrific read on mobile
I_DO_JUMPING_JACKS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:28:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit, how did I not know this before, thank you for linking that!
MarkThePierate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Soldering on? Seriously? Arnold is just systematically burning his family members with electronics tools, not cool bro.
NinjaRobotPilot ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 15:06:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The worst part is feeling like I'm in the way when our housekeeper comes over. I feel like shit if I'm just sitting on my ass doing something while she's working her ass off. I try to make plans to not interfere with her work.
mrcaptncrunch ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:30:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go to a coffee shop sit there, drink coffee, use the Internet.
NinjaRobotPilot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:34:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Actually I hermit myself in my bedroom if I'm not out with friends. Gives me a reason to stop procrastinating my hobby projects.
ShoutBasil ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:12:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's like paying for movers. You want to help, but it might be a union thing. So I always end up buying like a pizza or something and offering some to them.
TabMuncher2015 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I offer the Windstream guy who's supposed to fix my internet coffee. He never takes it, he also doesn't fix the internet and doesn't show up 70% of the time (while also not calling so I'm stuck at home 8AM-7PM waiting).
Fuck Windstream... freakin' monopolies $98 a month for this shit...
moonberserker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:50:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wow. Third world country here. I pay 60$ for Internet, cable and telephone line. I got this
Preformerr ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:46:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not if you have a maid fetish. :(
tossit22 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:02:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The worst part of a maid is when she only cleans things from shoulder height down, and she's less than five feet tall. Being six-two myself, this drives me insane.
Oh, and the random shit she steals or puts away where I will never find it.
janeusmaximus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:31:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ahem, the worst part is having to pay her/him. I'd let em hang out all day if they cleaned my house and cooked for free.
suptho ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:38:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
In the good old days they called that a "wife".
TabMuncher2015 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I can't stand Bear children, they're so messy and you have to worry about them fucking up the drapes
amedeus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:25:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The worst part about having maid is when my parents hired the neighbor and didn't tell me and I walked around the house in my underwear after they left for the day.
TopHalfAsian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:05:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is one of those statements that would be quoted in a thread about how do you know someone grew up rich. I'd give a finger for any maid even if she was in the way.
Danzel234 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:08:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just make sure you don't tell anyone about her. Them fairy house keepers are would get passed off and never come back.
Mr_Derisant ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:23:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Those are brownies. Are you a fan of the Dresden files?
Danzel234 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:47:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yep I'm actually going through the series again through audible.
PM_ME_JINX_R34 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:42:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And now I'm sad once again the next book is still a few months away.
Danzel234 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:47:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ive been listening to the book of audible leading up to it coming out.
Tigerbones ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:41:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"These servants, if I did see them, would they curtsy meekly?
Haymus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:04:55 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I recognize... Archer..?
allsortsashit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:51:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Maids are kind of a fetish of mine. I'd have to see her at least once.
Haymus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:53:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
See her when you hire her, never again ;)
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:25:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If I hired a maid I'd want to see her....
CuntSmellersLLP ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 14:35:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Those are on Craigslist.
Cypher_Shadow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:21:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd want to make certain that her
uniformBikiniUniform fit properly.grc207 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Until it goes from fresh bread to the family rabbit boiled in a pot.
DrJitterBug ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:28:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think the main hang-up was the lack of "informed consent".
I don't use the "5-second rule", I probably would also create a new personal "random fresh bread rule" in that case.
rdwtoker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:36:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe because OP's privacy was being breached... the nice chores were the only thing he noticed. For all he knows some creepy old dude dressed up like Martha Stewart could have been breaking in, fulfilling his housemaking fetishes, and then sodomizing all of the produce in OP's fridge.
aSaaadPanda ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:58:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like a fair deal.
Imissmyusername ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:28:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just leave random money on the counter.
BrockN ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:05:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But what if the maid is hot? I'd wander around in the nude while the maid is slaving away
billbapapa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:27:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm lucky enough to have other excitements too!
And my daughter believes she sees ghost, so that part of it is maybe still exciting (and actually a lot creepier than when we thought a spirit was washing our jeans)
DaSaw ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:40:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not ghosts, elves! The little elves that do shit like make shoes at night.
ThundercuntIII ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:26:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Paranormal activity 9: Normal activity
weeeee_plonk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:16:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's closer to what a brownie does than a ghost :)
ImmatureIntellect ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:23:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What a world.
AdamDemampTopGun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:46:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There are plenty of exciting things in this world even without ghosts.
amprvector ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:19:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If I were him I wouldn't eat anything left by an unknown individual...
Stonn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:52:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ghosts are no people!
Meecheck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:02:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
TIFU by changing the locks at my uni apartment.
dizzi800 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:48:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That reminds me of an old roommate once.
The apt. was getting messy, specifically the dishes. I was getting annoyed since I ALWAYS did my dishes (About 40% of it was spite for the roommate) and when I called him out on it, he claimed that he did his dishes when he made food.
I said, sarcastically, "either you don't do your dishes like you say you do, or there is some hermit secretly living in the closet eating food and not doing their dishes"
He didn;t get the sarcasm and basically said "What are you talking about? There isn't a fucking hermit living in the apartment"
DrunkShipOfLanterns ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This comment reminded me of the Valerie story from V for Vendetta and made me tear up real hard just now. Thanks for the feels friend.
s2514 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:45:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It sounds like the start to a bad anime... Or the best one.
comach2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm guessing he/she probably didn't eat the bread that a possible ghost made
Stone_the_bone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:21:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So you don't think ghosts are real? How weird
Stonn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:31:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I am not convinced that they do not exist either.
Monsters seem very real when it is dark though.
UndeadBread ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:18:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously. Honestly, even if a complete stranger was doing that stuff, I'd probably just let them.
BrainArrow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:41:54 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Boo
Stonn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:47:40 on June 28, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Where is my free loaf?
NCSUGrad2012 ยท 408 points ยท Posted at 13:28:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did she ever explain why she'd do that? What was her motivation for it?
billbapapa ยท 1926 points ยท Posted at 13:33:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Yeah. The thought process was: - I am basically married to my boyfriend (they dated from like 13 years old, and did get married later so she was right) - Billbapapa is like a brother to my boyfriend (he was an only child and we were actually really close friends so she was kinda right again) - therefore I'm family and you should take care of family.
I don't know if there was more to it than that exactly. She was just a really nice person and talking to her I actually think she believed no notes were needed/wanted as that would just be like asking for a thanks she didn't need. And I think she thought it was normal cause she did that sort of stuff for us when I lived with her boyfriend previously (he was my roommate for the first two years of Uni till we had conflicting
wokework terms).Subpars0up ยท 661 points ยท Posted at 14:42:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I see why your friend would lock that down at 13 and eventually marry her. Thats incredibly sweet.
billbapapa ยท 546 points ยท Posted at 14:46:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It was, really. She was also really cute looking too (she was short, petite) and pretty smart. I was really happy they lived happily ever after and made short cute super nice kids.
DweadPiwateWawbuts ยท 144 points ยท Posted at 16:15:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Short and petite and secretly does chores when you are not around? I think you were in a fairy tale
Edit: P.S. Tell your friend to never give her any clothes
goalstopper28 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 17:22:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He doesn't give her clothes alright.
andwhyshouldi ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 19:04:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
r/unexpectedhogwarts
hitmewithyourbest ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 17:20:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait...why are you talking about them in past tense all the time??? Please tell me they didn't die and you're still great friends! :(
Haruon ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 17:45:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/u/billbapapapa, we need answers, man! Don't do this to us!
Lazin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:12:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
User not found, I think it was all made up.
Ravensqueak ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:04:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, one less pa in the name.
/u/billbapapa
Lazin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:05:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Haha, foiled by /u/Haruon writing the name wrong, thank you.
Haruon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:14:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Goddamn! I swear I checked several times to ser if I have gotten the first part right and still managed to write it wrong. I hope I didn't ruin our chances of getting our answer. Sorry!
Lazin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:22:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No worries, just thought for a bit that the user wrote the story and deleted. Have not found answer to it yet though. He seems active though.
billbapapa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:29:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh I'm way more active than I should be, and I never knew you cared or would have answered earlier.
Be well all!
Lazin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:31:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Still not sure why you suddenly wrote in past tense about friend and his wife, they alright?
billbapapa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:36:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yep, i answered up above in the thread. I just suck at English. They are fine and living happily ever after.
Lazin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:02:25 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
awesome, good on you for answering everywhere :)
billbapapa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:06:48 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Anytime! :)
billbapapa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:28:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You rang... So I answered :)
billbapapa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:28:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Too many pas, man!
billbapapa ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:27:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They are still alive and have three adorable little kids. We've drifted apart due to jobs and such but he's still one of my best friends we just are waiting till we both retire to hang out more :)
IT6uru ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:33:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm so lonely :(
billbapapa ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:44:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
hug sorry man.
g-g-g-g-ghost ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:30:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You talk in the past tense about them, did you die?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:54:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ah man I feel for those short kids, it sucks being short.
KonM4N4Life ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:31:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
D'awwww
rwwman50 ยท -10 points ยท Posted at 17:43:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Short kids weird me out. Kids are already so small and move quickly. I worry they will eventually become short unruly adults
Alllife13 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 21:19:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
She could have just been a hot 13 year old. Hell I know a few
orbitjc ยท 1120 points ยท Posted at 13:46:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
can i please have that person in my life thanks
crt134 ยท 396 points ยท Posted at 14:00:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah she sounds really nice and genuine!
JamesLiptonIcedTea ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 14:19:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OP sounds like the weird one in this scenario.
Bevroren ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 15:32:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Things happening with no explanation is ALWAYS creepy, no matter how nice and friendly they are.
hyperlite135 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:04:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Meh I wouldn't question nightly blow j's
SpelignErrir ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:05:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
reminds me of that oglaf comic where the dude wakes up to a giant spider sucking his dick
MJ17X ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:38:46 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Until she kills you"
WTF brain! Here I am reading a cute story and thread, and that's your goto thought?
jicty ยท 270 points ยท Posted at 14:12:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously. I want her to be my girlfriend, she sounds like she cares for the people she loves.
SirQuay ยท 117 points ยท Posted at 14:31:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Same. I think I'm in love.
LordBran ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:34:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ron, have you even met the girl?
No... Can you introduce meยฟ!?
bobross82 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:13:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sigh....unzips.....
ghostyj ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 15:23:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is why we can't have nice things, Reddit.
moleratical ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:01:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Idunno, masturbating to an unknown fantasy girl that may or may not be real sounds pretty nice to me.
bobross82 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:40:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'll fap to that statement too.
ThundercuntIII ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 16:28:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You all belong to /r/cringe.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:45:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sigh...unzips...
NZ_NZ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:29:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/thathappened
Plsdontreadthis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:29:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You know they're all joking, right?
SpeedyVT ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:04:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My GF is pretty much the same sort. When you've got a person who just does things and you just do things without a thought to help around your relationship is crazy good.
soberdude ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:42:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I want her to be my best friend's girlfriend. Mainly because I'm happy with my fiance. And he could use a little more of that type of stuff. Bonus if I get it too.
SECRETLY_BEHIND_YOU ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:39:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know why, but I read this in Jonah Hill's voice.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:53:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[removed]
orbitjc ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 14:56:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
interesting choice of green trim on your roof
B5D55 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:18:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Creepy
meno123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:31:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dude posts an address and you find it odd that someone actually plugged it in to google maps?
EkansEater ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:04:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Girlfriend pls
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:35:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
instead of wishing for the person, why not be the person?
murrtrip ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:43:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe be that person?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:52:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
SupremeBlackGuy ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:52:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think you're going too deep
Fireproofjeans ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 14:43:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Anyone else feeling like an asshole?
I mean like, I'll fix computers on occasion but I really don't do a lot for my family.
billbapapa ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 14:45:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ha. Well, maybe, just maybe, the fact you feel like an asshole means you actually care about your family, which makes you a good person and means just by that alone you're probably a better family member than you realize or give yourself credit for.
no_talent_ass_clown ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:38:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Being asked to do something specific and doing something randomly and spontaneously because you have the time and you're thinking of someone you love are two entirely different things. Don't be quite so hard on yourself.
DuffBude ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:36:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I began reading this thread thinking she must be super creepy and clingy and that this could only end up in her eventually flipping out because no one was giving her recognition. But now I see that she's just an actually genuine and selfless person. My girlfriend does these kinds of selfless acts too sometimes and I thought she was just an anomaly. I feel better about people now.
billbapapa ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:53:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Good. And I'm glad you got a good one for yourself. NEVER LET HER GO (or she'll hunt you down clingy style and you know the rest...) :)
DuffBude ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:47:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Absolutely! I lucked out :)
DOTripleG ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:15:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why are you saying "was". Did they break up?
billbapapa ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 15:11:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, I probably said was cause I'm just a bad writer. They ended up getting married and having kids, and though I'm not close anymore with them they still seem happy every time we talk.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 14:32:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
billbapapa ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 15:10:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yep, with a heart on it!
wsteelerfan7 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:58:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is officially the cutest story I've read all month.
billbapapa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:02:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm glad - here is actually another story involving the same house, and couple:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/425th8/was_there_ever_a_secret_passageway_or_secret_room/cz7xhdg
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:07:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
billbapapa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:21:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You kids and your short forms. I had no idea what a deet was.
But your wish is my com!
jicty ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:10:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Damn, I need a girlfriend like that. If she had left a note or told you then this would have been the sweetest story ever. I bet you regret changing your lock and having to do all your chores!
AshleyBanksHitSingle ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:52:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, honestly, she still sounds like the sweetest person ever even without notes or taking specific credit to OP.
lottabullets ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:02:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck dude, i would have given her a new key
billbapapa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:45:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And I did!
happy cake day!
radiantthought ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:56:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I can't tell if 'woke terms' is a typo I can't figure out, or some lingo I'm not hip to. Can anyone clarify?
Grexo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:24:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Also confused by this. Hang in there brother.
billbapapa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:45:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'll clarify. I'm terrible at typing (more so than english).
I'm gonna leave it, but it was supposed to be work term.
horizontalrain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:48:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone else read it, and just commented on how nice she was. No one mentioned the woke? Thank you, I'm picturing a fight over stir fry right now ending in moving out. But then that's wok, but i have nothing else to go on.
witchywater11 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:19:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
She sounds like an adorable person.
billbapapa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
She really is!
ThundercuntIII ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:27:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't trust people that are that good, but that's probably because I am deeply jealous and insecure lmao
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:35:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is the sweetest thing I've read all morn.
LordessMeep ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:14:33 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Aww... she sounds very much like my mother. My mother does things like these too, especially for our neighbors and our relatives. She's just a wonderful, kind soul, much like your friend's girlfriend.
My maternal grandmother was also like that and she passed away when I was much younger. In some ways, my mother's keeping her legacy alive, one nice little deed at a time. I hope to be someone like her; she's such a fantastic person. :)
Kiarimarie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:53:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would understand the logic and not see the problem...IF you had previously given her "stop in anytime" privileges. Just because I have the key to someone's place, I don't assume I can just go into their place whenever, even if it is to do nice things.
I have keys to my friend's apartment and even when I needed to just grab something I forgot real quick and knew he wasn't going to be there, I texted him.
billbapapa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:47:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, it was basically unspoken 'stop in privileges'. I'd lived with him previously and she had a key to our shared house. When he moved into mine I just gave them both a key cause I assumed she'd be there all the time. I just did it so casually even I forgot I'd done it.
LupoAS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:43:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Aww. She is sweet as fuck.
explainittomeplease ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:33:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I want to be like her. I want to be as thoughtful.
rythmicbread ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:09:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I guess it would be weird that you never saw her do that.
Azzizzi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:09:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm just speculating here, but I'm guessing she popped in to use the potty and kill time, but did something nice in return.
16xandCounting ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:43:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
She could be asian.
[deleted] ยท 229 points ยท Posted at 14:38:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
billbapapa ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 14:50:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, in retrospect...
But we gave them both a new key, she did it occasionally. And we actually made a habit of doing the same for them. Except because I'm me, that actually just meant I dropped off random groceries and I think a couple of times I did their trash.
festerf ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:59:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
but is he an absolute madman?
Zardif ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:08:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Aslt? Age/sex/location/Trans?
Turakamu ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:09:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
transportation. Is your back seat large enough?
festerf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:28:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
yes
necropants ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:57:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There is a thin line between doing the dishes and axe murder...
ERIFNOMI ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:08:02 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's worth the risk.
CGY-SS ยท 141 points ยท Posted at 14:39:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly all I can think is how much of a sweetheart she must be, that doesn't seem creepy to me at all.
billbapapa ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 14:47:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, it was way sweet >>> creepy after the fact.
As it was happening though, it's crazy to think you're losing your mind. Things are moving around your house without you knowing. Dirt is disappearing which while wonderful, makes you doubt your sanity.
Tony_Killfigure ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I may be wrong, but I'm guess you guys weren't the tidiest bunch.
billbapapa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:38:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Actually we weren't terrible as far as student go.
LEEVINNNN ยท 158 points ยท Posted at 14:14:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Well you trusted her with a key, isn't that a universal sign for "come when you please?" Yeah she should have told you but she probably assumed you guys knew all along. The whole situation was a miscommunication, doesn't sound creepy at all.
Edit: Jeez guys I get it, circumstances aren't always the same for everyone. Again, communication is key on that.
Brownt0wn_ ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 15:19:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The guy who gave her the key moved out. It's creepy because they didn't know, not because of malicious intent.
BNSable ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 15:03:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It'd be creepy if i didn't know, as soon as you know it's her the creepiness goes
takethislonging ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 16:55:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Me and a friend exchanged keys in case of emergencies such as getting locked out. It definitely does not mean "come when you please."
Natdaprat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:52:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like to see you come home and see a fresh baked loaf of bread waiting for you.
I'd really like to see you.
StillThinking01 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:59:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Upvote for the pun
Rajani_Isa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not to bring dirty logic into it - but the story does pretty much begin with [My Friend and I] forgot she had a key"
AraEnzeru ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:30:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As its happening, I think definitely creepy.
But yeah once you figure out what's going on it goes from kinda creepy to hilarious and really sweet.
CharlesDickensABox ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:42:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No. No that does not mean "come when you please". That means "If I get locked out then I'm going to call you, and am willing to provide the same service in return" or "If we have plans to meet up and you get to my house before me then you can let yourself in", but under no circumstances does it mean "show up at my house unannounced whenever you feel like it."
SkullyKitt ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 14:37:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was this person for a while.
My (now) boyfriend was going through the final portion of a divorce (they had been separated for months but paperwork was still going through), his roommate had ditched out on him leaving him with additional couple hundred in rent he couldn't cover on his own (so he was facing homelessness in a matter of months if he couldn't find a new roomie), and was all around going through some severe depression. As a result, the apartment got pretty bad - bottles and cans everywhere, dusting/vacuuming hadn't happened in months, dishes, etc etc.
I still thought he was very cute/sweet/smart and so on, and had been flirting with him quite a bit. During one of our one-on-one conversations (his place was where a lot of our friends met up to hang out) confessed that as a kid I used to sneak into houses for fun; he told me he wouldn't be upset if he came home sometime to find me at his place. I warned him not to joke about it unless he wanted it to happen, and he shrugged and said he genuinely wouldn't be mad.
I started breaking in (read: scaling the balcony and coming in through the unlocked sliding door) and doing his laundry, organizing the recyclables, did a thorough cleaning of the place.
He'd come home to randomly find the apartment looking cleaner and cleaner, baked goods, cold drinks in the fridge. Instead of being creeped out he was extremely grateful. I continued to flirt, and we ended up dating/hooking up. Moved in after a few months, and now it has been over 2 years. :)
billbapapa ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 15:10:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I love your 'extremeness' to make it happen. Scaling the balcony is awesome, in a twisted way. Really happy that worked out for you, and he got himself a killer roommate after all.
NicotineGumAddict ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:10:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
no it was just breaking and entering! she didn't murder him
billbapapa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:12:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Haha someone else caught that... I almost corrected myself after I wrote it.
no_talent_ass_clown ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:42:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You had to continue to flirt?? Was this guy pretty clueless in general? Because when a girl scales your balcony, cleans your apartment, stuffs your fridge and bakes you things, that's a pretty huge clue she might be into you.
SkullyKitt ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:07:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He was coming out of an 8 year relationship where he was routinely berated for even looking at other women, and had pretty much trained himself to be completely oblivious (in the 'I have 0 chance of being with anyone else so why bother thinking about it' kind of way). The idea that I might be 'into him' didn't cross his mind until I straight up propositioned him. He had assumed I was just being a really good, if not weird/silly, friend.
dafuq0_0 ยท -6 points ยท Posted at 16:48:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Holy fuck, that poor man's balls. Women scare the fuck outta me.
Star_Kicker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My cousin has a very bad short term memory and no foresight. I can't count the number of times I've had to go over to his place because he forgot his keys.
One time I was at work and I couldn't get there in time so he broke into his own house through a kitchen window. Some neighbours saw someone sliding into their neighbours house headfirst (only saw the legs and feet) and call the cops.
By the time I show up there's a couple of cop cars and my cousin explaining to them what happened.
SkullyKitt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:29:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was always paranoid about getting the cops called on me, but my childhood adventures had taught me well. Once I knew the time it took to get the balcony (15 seconds using rope ladder I constructed) it was just a matter of making sure people's blinds were closed and no one was walking around.
Star_Kicker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:33:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
With smarts like that, why aren't you in Ravenclaw?
SkullyKitt ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:39:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Because I value loyalty and hard work above all.
#hufflepuff4life
Star_Kicker ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:42:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Join Slytherin, we can help you on your way.
Project2r ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 14:14:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
sounds like a maid...
but a ghost. a ghost maid.
Punitor567 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:29:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Anime adaptation coming early 2017!
JackBauerSaidSo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:54:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Starring Bill Cosby.
jawnofthedead ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:48:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's like what the woman did in Chungking Express
billbapapa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:50:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Some other dude said that. I think they got the idea from her!!! based on the fact this is the first time I remember telling this story except right at the time it happened, and because I have no idea when that movie was made but the 'ghostly pixie' who was invading my house happened like man, 15 years ago or more.
jawnofthedead ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:09:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Funny. Chungking Express is from 1994
billbapapa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:18:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Damn it, your logic is sound. She played me!
jawnofthedead ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
She had a crush on the guy, so watch out
BoozeMonster ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:23:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
She clearly had seen Chungking Express too many times. One of the plots of that film involves a guy who gets dumped by his girlfriend and starts projecting his sadness onto the items in his apartment. So the manic pixie dream girl who works at the local takeout stand starts breaking into his apartment and cleaning/fixing it up so that it will subconsciously improve his mood.
It's slightly less weird in the context of the rest of the film, but only slightly.
billbapapa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks man. I've never heard of that but that movie sounds pretty interesting. I'll check it out.
Wildfires ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:44:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So you basically had a house elf from Harry Potter.
billbapapa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:51:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
She was small, like 4'8/4'9!
manbearpig330 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:01:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, even if it was a ghost, I'd be thrilled. Coolest ghost ever.
Brotherauron ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:03:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
About half way through this post I was going to ask you if you have a carbon monoxide detector
billbapapa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:44:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Funny enough, I actually had a scare with that too back at my parents and it was in the same time frame. But not really a good story. I slept in a lot when I went home, like abnormally. The room was in the basement. They had a leak. Second they installed a detector it went off like the fourth of the July. Problem solved quickly, but no Ghostly behaviour.
infestacool ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:23:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You had your own personal house elf.
6ickle ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:12:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds awesome. I would love some random fresh bread.
HALBowman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:56:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lmao can't even imagine how stupid you felt when you found out. Awesome story
billbapapa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:46:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
More embarrassed than anything. Girlfriend was a bit pissed "she had a key for your place before I did?" They technically lived there first though!
Deepcrater ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:13:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is so sweet, you could have left a note for her to find too.
billbapapa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:42:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I wasn't smart enough to leave a note in return. It was only really the last two or three times when it was obvious it wasn't just me imagining shit or my girlfriend doing things and just not bothering to take the credit.
xSnipeZx ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:22:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds awesome.
Even if it was a ghost doing all that for me, I wouldn't mind a single bit lol.
ShooterDiarrhea ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:43:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man! I just remembered this story we had in our English class. I just can't remember the name. It's basically about a couple who move into a new home but they work really long hours so they dont have time to clean up. But whenever they get home they find all the dishes have been done, floor has been swept and garbage taken out. They think it a cleaning ghost and leave a bigger and bigger mess everyday. Until one day the husband gets a really big itch to see the ghost. They stay home one day to find out. Turns out its another agent from the realtor who keeps coming in to clean up the place to show to potential clients.
Now that I think about it, its a pretty stupid story. I mean at what point can't the realtor realize that theres someone living in the house.
cherrymaelstrom ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:47:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to do this for my friend! I had a key to his house and I went to college right by it so when he was at work and I was on my way home I would stop by, take the puppy out, and do a few miscellaneous chores. Never even thought about how it might scare him haha.
billbapapa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:52:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That puppy probably loved you!
ShizzleWaffle ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:19:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Someone is doing my chores for me and doing nice things... better change my lock!
Genius.
takatuka ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:25:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 12'and learning English I read a story for my English class named "A tidy ghost" where the new home owners occasionally come home to see it all tidied up like the bed done, coffee mugs washed etc and they freak out and think a ghost may be doing it. One day when they were at home the door unlocks and comes a realtor who is not aware that the house was sold/rented out so he was coming in the house before the showing and making it presentable and then giving a tour. When you said a ghost, I remembered my book from 20 years ago. Oh Reddit...
floydw6 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:31:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my god I'm having a "deja vu" moment with your comment. Stupid long term memory.
fl0w_io ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:34:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So it's either random person with your key or carbon monoxide poisoning. Never ghosts :(
billbapapa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:37:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes I have no luck - this is the closest I've ever got to a ghost - https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1jyt2n/parents_of_reddit_what_do_your_kids_think_theyre/
Mackin-N-Cheese ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:41:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
How was it you or your girlfriend never accidentally caught her? Those surprises all sound like things that take a bit of time, and a university schedule isn't usually like an all-day job. Seems like eventually one of you would have come home to find her there washing dishes or something. Which, by the way, would have been a pretty awkward conversation for your girlfriend.
billbapapa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:23:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah we were, at least that term, trying to do the 'go in early, stay all day, treat it like it's a job then you won't have to actually burn through all your nights' sort of bullshit university thing. It lasted maybe a term I'm not sure. It's the best of intentions, "start of new year I'll do it right this time..." kinda thing. It had other weird stuff including this story. But yeah, probably any other term of my studies she'd have walked in to find me jerking off in the kitchen where she eventually put the bread.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:49:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
She sounds awesome
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:07:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A human heart?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:13:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
She probably thought you understood it was her..
passingglans ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:18:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Carbon monoxide poisoning?
StudentMathematician ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:50:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Awww... super nice
penultimart ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:04:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
One of my room-mates' girlfriend came over one Sunday morning to cook up a big breakfast but he'd actually gone out of town the previous night last minute forgetting they had a plan. They connect on the phone and she's like...FUCK...well, what should I do with this food then, and he says 'Just leave it for the guys, they've love you for it', she leaves, then they both forgot about it completely.
The rest of us come down and all leave it untouched, each thinking someone else made it, until at one point early afternoon someone asks if they can have a bit and we promptly deduce that NONE OF US MADE IT and were confused as shit.
It was delicious though. And after a week of believing we'd inherited a house elf the truth finally came out.
IllyriaGodKing ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:01:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That is adorable. What a sweetheart.
deck65 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:26:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My brother is dating this same kind of girl. I work overnights and sleep until mid afternoon. It's amazing to wake up and the dishes are done, he house is vacuumed and the pets are fed and have been let outside. And she refuses to let us do anything or pay her since she doesn't pay to live there. Like living in a dream.
Task_Completed ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:30:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This was my first thought of confusing things to do to someone. I still have the key to my old apartment. I may have to do some Casper-ing.
explainittomeplease ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:30:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That is just... the funniest and sweetest thing I've read in a while. I lost it at the bread part. Coming in like "fuck, the Gracious Ghost hit again. Damn it."
Although it's weird that she would fold and put away your laundry. Like, really weird. I wouldn't do that for my friends. Because I wouldn't know where to put them..
That being said, your friend should wife her up. If she does that for him AND you, I'd marry her, and I'm a straight girl.
billbapapa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:37:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah he wifed her good, unfortunate for you. :(
I agree about the laundry; it's like dishes it's frustrating not knowing where they go. I'd also be worried what I'd find in someone's drawers.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:36:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
billbapapa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:51:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
B&E pay-it-forward. Nice.
keepitdownoptimist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:28:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had someone coming in to my place to take showers and stuff. I'd come home and things I know I put in the bathroom were misplaced and sometimes the tub was wet.
Finally I plugged the tub and left for the day. I came home and it was lifted.
I never figured out who. Probably it was my ex. Otherwise it was a previous tenant or the maintenance man. It stopped after I had them replace the lock so if it was the maintenance man he must've moved on to the next place.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:05:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
billbapapa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:26:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It only happened during the day from what she said. So it was when we were out, not that we had a chain.
Mozambique_Drill ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:38:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did you eat the bread?
billbapapa ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:48:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, and it's funny my girlfriends words were, "Okay whoever is doing this must think they won our trust by doing the laundry, so we'll eat their poison bread."
pseudonarne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:48:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
why would you change the locks? sounds like either a friendly ghost/squater or brownie infestation. pissing off either option seems inadvisable and kind of a waste.
Einsteins_coffee_mug ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:05:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Someone keeps baking us bread and doing our dishes."
"Oh fuck, we need to change the locks. I don't feel safe here."
MrGrey1128 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:18:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This doesn't really seem that strange, just plain nice...it seems like you should have been able to figure out who it was sooner than that. Did her boyfriend not know that she was stopping by either? Seems like you could have just asked him what was up. If he didn't know, I can see how that may be strange and mysterious, but it doesn't sound like there was much communication going on. I'm not someone who would leave a note in that situation either, if I was her stopping by the apartment of my long-time significant other as if it was my home too and doing favors for the household. That seems like perfectly normal girlfriend behavior and not at all bothersome.
billbapapa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:41:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wasn't bothersome, was great actually, just scary when you actually think for a while that someone is coming into your home without you knowing who. And yeah, I actually mentioned it to the friend as part of the weird mystery and he had no idea either. He actually thought it was funnier than I did when he found out. He phoned me and couldn't even get a word out he was just laughing into the receiver. Then he sort of half-assed apologized for forgetting to return her key. It was actually pretty heartwarming.
Cynoid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did you eat the bread? Just curious...
billbapapa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:01:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No like I told someone else, my girlfriends theory was they were lulling us into a false sense of security, only to make us want to eat poison bread.
hehateme429 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:05:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's the 'I'll find you' girl from Wedding Crashers
danniusmaximus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You poor soul. I dont see the creepy part bro. I read that as thoughtful. Too bad she wasted that thoughtfulness on someone who clearly doesnt appreciate it.
1live4downvotes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:21:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
sounds like what drunk me would do a few years ago. I would come home from the bars, clean up my apartment (take trash out, do dishes, sweep, etc). Wake up feeling horrible to find a class of water and 2 tylenol and a clean apartment.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:23:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's the carbon monoxide.
ThundercuntIII ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wew lad how old are you
billbapapa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:38:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Old enough to be you dad... Or at least a dad...
ThundercuntIII ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm 23. Do you have wisdom to share?
billbapapa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Haha yeah a whole lot of it... but I realize it's mostly all just bullshit.
I wish you the best Thundercunt, in anything and everything you do! Especially if you do it three times!
ThundercuntIII ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:23:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Aw.. there must be some things you'd wanted to know at my age right?
But either way, same to you! :D I wish you the most content life.
Harmonic_Content ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:37:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I lived with a friend of mine in a small apt, and a couple of my friends also had keys to our place. We lived downtown, near a few places where there were concerts and local live music venues. We gave them keys so they could crash at our place if they needed to, rather than drive home, which they took us up on a few times. Every once in a while, we'd come home, and the apt would be all clean, smell like girls, and music would be playing softly on the stereo.
We obv knew who it was, and it was super sweet of them.
SaneCoefficient ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:45:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is so sweet...
festerf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
did you eat the bread
blackflag209 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's not really creepy at all
Soperos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:12:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He didn't say it happened to you, lol.
Dakota66 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:36:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You know, I'm less amazed by your story than the fact that you never once spoke to her about it. If that shit was happening to me, I'd be freaking out asking all of my friends what they thought
YUNoDie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
AND THAT'S WHY YOU ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE!!!
IsNotToast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:42:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How the fuck is free maid service from your friend's girlfriend considered creepy?
rythmicbread ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:08:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Casper was doing your chores? Why would you question that? Should have pulled the ouija board out and maybe left some notes for things that you wanted the ghost to do, like "can you get some milk, we ran out." Could have had a good thing going
nodammityourewrong ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:13:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Interseting. If Reddit were around back then and you had hopped on to ask for advice, someone would have suggested you check for carbon monoxide.
NewWorldOrder781 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:59:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wow what a nice fucking person!
Razors_egde ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:47:45 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I need to know, have you seen your counter lately?
billbapapa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:53:20 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What do you mean by "counter"?
Razors_egde ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 02:55:40 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The definition for counter. The area adjacent to sink.
BluerIvy12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:51:50 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How could you forget that you had given her an extra key?
gojotg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:26:59 on July 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did you eat the dishes?
billbapapa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:02:29 on July 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes
HyacinthGirI ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:20:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I honestly can say I wouldn't care. You got that freaked out because some dishes were done? Jesus christ you need a reality check and a creative thinking education
popler1586 ยท 635 points ยท Posted at 14:54:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wire up an Amish house with electricity.
CTU ยท 140 points ยท Posted at 17:11:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide a cell phone in it and call it randomly
Milo_Minderbinding ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 19:56:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They use prepaid cell phones all the time. Really.
carpet111 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 21:49:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They also use generators. I guess its better than using the generator thats just further away and connected to the grid?
Milo_Minderbinding ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:43:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Something to do with they don't want to be in debt to the electric company.
carpet111 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:40:46 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, they don't want to use electricity. But generators are fine for some reason. Thats what they say. They do that sort of thing.
SooperTimeThrowaway ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:11:14 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That and they're really just expert tax evasionists (not all of them, but I grew up in Amish country, second-hand experience kinda thing)
xxsbellmorexx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:26:25 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not true
whatsausername90 ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 20:04:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Jebediah! I can't believe you'd cheat on our religion like this!"
"It wasn't me, I swear! It must've been little Eustace!"
"You're kidding right? He's 3!"
cptskippy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:26:17 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bonus points if the ring tone is cat party.
midwestrider ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:50:18 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do you have bluetube? you have to have bluetube.
FakingFad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:31:49 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ring tone: technologique
johnnybiggles ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 17:50:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And Google Fiber.
gameaddict877 ยท -19 points ยท Posted at 18:33:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Google Fiber is the bane of my existence, it doesn't exist on my laptop but still tries to run itself randomly.
Zeevo234 ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 18:44:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i don't think you know what google fiber is
Nanotechno0 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 19:53:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Perhaps he is using Google Ultra, I hear it's used by NASA.
sblow08 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 20:54:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ultron*
Picklestasteg00d ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:24:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wow! A reference!
Zeevo234 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:08:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i guess I'll be nice, Wikipedia article.
gameaddict877 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:13:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No I know what actual google fiber is, but I have a fucking virus that I had uninstalled from my laptop named Google Fiber that's gonna haunt me until the end of time.
Zeevo234 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:26:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
oh lol
gameaddict877 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 00:07:25 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Imagine playing a competitive game only to get forced out of tab to see nothing different.
Afghmn ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 16:52:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Now that's just genious
nosmokingbandit ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:10:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Only incredibly old amish houses don't have electricity, at least around where I live. Building codes require the house to have electricity throughout, so its only the old farms that don't. In fact, a guy just built a house down the hill from me and they had the electricity turned on during construction then turned it off when they moved in.
/ruining the fun with information
samzplourde ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:27:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
With a motion sensor of course, if there was a switch they may never find it.
BaconatorScones ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:04:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Who put this fucking toaster in our pantry, Herald?"
ganeysean ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:40:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That is the most shocking thing I've seen on this thread.
ibelieveineveryone ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:36:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What sorcery is this!
quinson93 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:26:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Most amish houses already have electricity so they can easily be sold. They just don't us it.
kickingpplisfun ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:19:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But don't bother with the switches or anything- they're gonna use electricity whether they want to or not.
PMme4myDICKpic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:16:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Amish use solar power!
Their deal us that they don't want to depend on the outside world, so they don't tie in to the grid.
LexxiiConn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:59:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Most of them already have electricity. And cell phones.
GrilledMedic ยท 1532 points ยท Posted at 12:32:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I constantly replace their deodorant sticks with butter, and replace their butter with bricks.
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 1235 points ยท Posted at 12:34:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
And replace the bricks their house is made of with deodorant sticks?ยจ
E: Make sure to check out the song /u/dampmeme made here
[1][1]
You're a burglar, but instead of stealing things you do things to confuse or annoy your victims. What do you do?
LGBTreecko ยท 399 points ยท Posted at 13:40:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I think we just wrote the next pop song.
Edit: Spelling
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 14:38:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
now we wait for someone to turn it into a song
[deleted] ยท 311 points ยท Posted at 16:51:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
a;sdfkljas;dfj;alksdjf;lkasdjf;lkasjd;flk
It's pretty fucken bad but i want my karma
secretNenteus ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 19:02:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lol, I thought that was Microsoft Mike or something for a sec
shvelo ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:23:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You have selected Microsoft Sam as the computer's default voice
mrcollin101 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:05:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's pretty fucking RAD if you ask me!
Balentay ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:23:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What song did you use as a base? It sounds familiar, but I can't place it!
fizz4m ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:54:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ignition - R. Kelly
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:36:47 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Googled r Kelly instrumentals and it was first
OutInABlazeOfGlory ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:08:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And I thought I was laughing hard before, now I feel high!
Bamlet ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:03:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Henry?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:02:18 on July 16, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah whats up
-nautical- ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:29:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
take your karma and go, filthy whore.
yobruhh ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 14:50:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jack be nimble jack be quick, replaced your bricks with deodorant sticks
xilef_destroy ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 15:56:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, replaced your butter with said bricks
LuketheDUKE902 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:17:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide your butter, hide your bricks,
I replaced jack with an oversized tick
xilef_destroy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:42:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Good. Now we get Taylor Swift to sing.
PeteTsar ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:46:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Butter sticks. Butter bricks.
'til we see the sunlight.
Jopalopa ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:56:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/hitfactory
LGBTreecko ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:09:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have the chorus!
Ain't nobody gotta cry today
Cause ain't nobody gonna die today
Cause everybody already died yesterday
Except for meeeee.
Noble_Squid ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 16:23:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Fresh Churned Love
You've turned my deo into butter,
Butter into bricks.
Oh-oh, you even took the chance,
to make crumbling walls,
of used deodorant sticks.
//
Where did we go wrong?
I guess things just weren't fresh
The tub said unsalted,
But now you're all that's left.
I've been in the kiln that was your love
But all that's all dead and gone
I guess my week old speed sticks
Just weren't very strong.
//
You've turned my deo into butter,
Butter into bricks.
Oh-oh, you even took the chance,
to make crumbling walls,
of used deodorant sticks.
//
I've had a very hard time
Spreading hard clay on my toast
I guess your churned loving
Is what I've needed most
It's dripping from my armpits
On a foundation of lies
A fire that was so long lit
Sputters out and dies.
//
edit: formatting
LGBTreecko ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:57:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Calling /u/thepeoplesbard ?
wolfguardian72 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:23:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shhh....don't let Taylor Swift know.
MasterChef901 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:04:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
!remindme 1 month
UltimateInferno ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:23:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hey. It's actually has some thought put into it compared to what's popular today.
alexbhood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:26:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think so. You used more than 6 words and didn't rhyme the same word with itself enough.
LGBTreecko ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:48:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Panda panda panda
Frakshaw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:45:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Deodorant house?
spiralbatross ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:04:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This Is The House That Jack Smelled by the White Stripes feat. Lionel Richie.
Sharpam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:38:01 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just stopping by to acknowledge that your username has Treecko in it therefore you're pretty cool.
LGBTreecko ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:53:47 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
5th name comment I've gotten.
Sharpam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:01:14 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Huh, well hopefully my extra mention didn't pester you too bad, the Treecko line is my total favorite
vapir1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:30:57 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
By Katy Perry
Stonn ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 13:42:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And so the circle of the devil closes.
LoBo247 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:16:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So Terry Crews lives there?
OutInABlazeOfGlory ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And I thought I was laughing hard before, now I feel high!
gomble ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:28:33 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It took me too long to work out the syntax that sentence needed to be read with
LainExpLains ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:35:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I notice you happened to say
not
I'm watching you...
Abetterway_thisway ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:00:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cream cheese is more realistic
TheAsianTroll ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:24:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Even better, take nail polish clear coat and coat any soap bars you find with it
AssassinenMuffin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:40:41 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Harlaus would be pleased
parkerlreed ยท 667 points ยท Posted at 15:56:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I'm disappointed the spoon thing hasn't been mentioned.
Find a friend you want to mess with. When you're over at their house take all their spoons
Let said friend think somebody stole his spoons and nothing else
Friend will start to wonder if they're crazy and start questioning their sanity
Now here's the kicker
When you correspond with this friend via email, below your signature, put in white text "spoons" over and over. Doesn't have to be a lot but just make sure it doesn't become noticeable.
AdSense will start to pick up on these words and offer said friend advertisements about spoons, just adding more to the confusion
Eventually let friend know and hope they don't kill you...
EDIT: This isn't the exact source I remember https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/17d7uy/whats_the_most_creative_way_of_driving_someone/c84hv32
EDIT2: Found the comment chain I was thinking of https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/3tb70e/your_friend_leaves_you_for_30_minutes_in_his/cx4ptu8
bjacks12 ยท 92 points ยท Posted at 16:59:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Who the fuck uses email to correspond with friends?
queendweeb ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 17:41:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I either email or call my friends. How do you get in touch with yours?
edit: I suspect there will be a generational divide as to how we all correspond with our people.
bjacks12 ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 17:49:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Text, call, or FB messenger
queendweeb ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:53:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
huh. I almost never use FB messenger, and texting only when I'm like, sending a cat photo or trying to locate someone in a loud space.
I'm 38, for reference, so I didn't have a cell phone growing up, and even in college. Email was the hot thing when I was starting college, but I actually still wrote some physical letters back then, too, haha.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:11:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
fizz4m ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:04:43 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Im 26 and Snapchat confuses the shit out of me.
Tynach ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:09:23 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm 25 and use Hangouts, Telegram, or various other instant messaging platforms... Except Facebook's. Fuck Facebook. I trust them less than Google with my data.
bjacks12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:02:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, I'm 26
PantheraLupus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:32:02 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to correspond with my friends via email and written letter, although the letters were reserved for my very best friends. I'm 23
anaesthetic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:29:58 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I think geographic divide, too, because texting costs more in some places than the USA. By that, I mean, email and web-based communication are going to be more popular in some areas.
sammeggs ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:16:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Me and my buddies email at work all the time so it looks like we are working
uberman5304 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:32:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Dear Friend,
From, /u/uberman5304" Spoons Spoons Spoons
parkerlreed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:12:47 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dear friend,
Have you figured out what's going on yet?
From, /u/parkerlreed
Spoiler
parkerlreed ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:01:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well the "original" I linked was a university setting so email would make more sense there. The story I'm recalling was likely a rehash itself.
MyFacade ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:44:35 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Adults
Pingryada ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:06:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I just posted this. I remember that thread, it wasn't that one though.
parkerlreed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah it was newer than that but I can't seem to find it.
Pingryada ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:24:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm trying to remember the context lol, it was a few months ago...
parkerlreed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:00:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Found it https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/3tb70e/your_friend_leaves_you_for_30_minutes_in_his/cx4ptu8
McGibblets1 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:52:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is actually pretty ingenious if they use email still. Slowly the spoon dementia would overtake their mind until they are reduced to freebasing sterling silvers and feeling that sweet rush as the metal coats their veins
MosquitoRevenge ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:52:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd be sad because I'd have to buy a whole new set of cutlery. So expensive and tedious to have to match the new ones with my plates.
Honeybair7400 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
To add insult to injury: only eat soup around said friend...
Turakamu ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 21:13:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Invite them over for dinner. Give them a bowl with their spoon in it.
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:44:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd murder you right there
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:15:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex's mother used to accuse us of stealing plates and cutlery. We really hadn't done this, but she used to insist for days that we had done it to mess with her. She would then drop the subject supposedly after she had found them and not tell us where she located them. She really was losing her mind though. So, she used to hide it from herself while accusing everyone around her of trying to trick her into thinking that she was losing her mind.
smalltowngirltv ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:23:50 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You gave me an excellent idea.
So I'd say steal all but 2 or 3 spoons so they think they have lost them and buy more.
Repeat this 4 or 5 times.
Keep all the spoons and one day give them all back. All at once. So when they open the drawer it's nothing but about 100 of their missing spoons.
. The ad sense thing on top of that would be hilarious
Skellingtoon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:15:14 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Obligatory: I see you've played knifey-spooney before!
jimmy_talent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:08:28 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The last step should be replaced with return the spoons and repeat prank with forks.
inurshadow ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:58:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nice, I like the one you do to your spouse. Just switch the forks and spoons overnight.
[deleted] ยท 2350 points ยท Posted at 12:14:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Every morning taking a dump in their toilet.. and not flushing
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 1813 points ยท Posted at 12:16:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Would you consider doing that in one of the houses in the neighbourhood every morning, so you wouldn't always go to the same house? You'd become a serial shitter
TweekedJustABit ยท 1539 points ยท Posted at 14:16:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
๐ ๐ฉ๐ ๐ฉ๐ ๐ฉ๐๐
[deleted] ยท 3127 points ยท Posted at 14:45:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
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monnii99 ยท 520 points ยท Posted at 14:56:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Imagine archeologists trying to decipher this in 200 years.
[deleted] ยท 454 points ยท Posted at 15:09:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[removed]
monnii99 ยท 648 points ยท Posted at 15:22:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Obviously it is a well thought out comment about the political climate at the time"
PM_ME_USERNAME_MEMES ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 15:51:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You guys are kidding, but an academic made an entire book out of emoji-like symbols.
mainman879 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 16:15:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But why
RAKtheUndead ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:15:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
PoMo.
picklev33 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:34:06 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But why male models?
StagnantFlux ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 16:46:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's shit in the House of Representatives?
IDespiseTheLetterG ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:32:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bingo
malachymac95 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:24:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Shite House by /u/TweekedJustABit, 2016
ZulDjin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:01:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fits.
Nobel prize here I come!
WalkerBRiley ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:25:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I watched a docu recently on an guy who was trying to decipher an ancient symbol based language. He was certain it was a recorded history of the people and would unlock several mysteries surrounding their customs, religion, etc.
Turns out it was a storehouse inventory log.
Wish I could remember which one it was.
CoffeeAndSwords ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:40:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Probably Babylonian stuff right? Those guys wrote shit down about the most boring stuff ever.
AFlawAmended ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:50:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The House is full of shit? That actually fits for a lot of countries...
Zandercy42 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:15:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Brex๐ฉ๐
1mikeg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:10:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That house is white.
sorrydaijin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:10:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Where is the sandwich?
Soperos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:13:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Good! That's correct.
Kitbixby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It was an indication of how frustrated they were at the political figures of their time. Literally: the White House is full of shit
plasmaflare34 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:44:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, I Do call the catbox the Clinton Foundation.
Commando388 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:43:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
well he ain't wrong
Barhoumx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:26:30 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Clearly a reflection on the poor housing market"
chrisvacc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:08:56 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
HA! As if there's going to be civilization after this election.
Sgt_Patman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:31:19 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"You can see the shit going into the white colored house. I believe it may have represented the futility of the voting session, and how both of the possible candidates are complete douchcunts and they had no chance of a positive outcome"
sorrydaijin ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:10:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
More importantly, what is the underlying theme and how is this emphasized by the repeated use of ๐ ๐ฉ?
Alltheothersweretook ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:03:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Paging /u/discussionquestions
TweekedJustABit ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:02:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
๐๐๐ด๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ฅ
TomToffee ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:43:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It is about the time when the massive poo monsters attacked the suburbs
TheAngryAudino ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:20:38 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/evenwithcontext
UberMcwinsauce ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:36:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mr. Bit was expressing the hostility of the political climate at the time. The hostility and deceptive actions not only between political candidates themselves but also towards the citizenry was, at the time, considered so terrible that it was analogous to the politicians depositing 10 foot mounds of feces around residential areas. The "vehicle" and "human being" glyphs at the end signify the desire of the politicians to "flee the scene" and absolve themselves of any responsibility for their wrongdoings.
ProfessorSpike ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That place is a shithouse!
spqrnbb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Trying to represent Steve Perry's face?
Grizknot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:36:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So I used to write in a journal as a teenager and I'd imagine it being found 250 years later a la Anne Frank and then every high school kid would be required to decipher the weird codes I put in just for them... And they did have meaning because I was worried a sibling was reading it at the time so I had to clever.
GrethSC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:27:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's a Mel Brooks reference.
wombat1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:05:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shithouse, of course. The archeologists would assume the poster is Australian, it's a very common expletive here.
hehateme429 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:11:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
'America Runs on..... what the shit is a dunkin?'
Infinite_one ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:22:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't worry I've done their work for them.
SeymourWG ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:35:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Yeah, Serial Shitting was pretty common in the old ages."
DoctorDizzyspinner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:01:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/FutureAnthropology/
Cogz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:16:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
'This is quite basic, the brown bags represent bags of gold or money, denoting wealth, The building is obviously a place of ritual significance. What we see here is simple donations to a temple. TweekedJustABit obviously thought of himself as a deeply religious man.'
giraffecause ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:00:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Guys, we got another one"
falconzord ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 15:09:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reddit won't survive 20 years
YVX ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:01:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
๐บ๐
mrocks301 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:25:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank Mr. Skeltal.
AllAccessAndy ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:23:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
๐ธ๐ฒ
YVX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:28:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
O shit
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:19:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Waddup
Atario ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:02:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Only for mobile devices to return us to hieroglyphics
MQ2000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:25:26 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I can't be the only one that sees squares on PC. Running Windows Vista by the way, don't ask why
capilot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a little disturbed to learn there's a shit emoji.
joZeizzle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit
Axl7879 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 15:43:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's a front page showerthought waiting to happen
chiropter ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:44:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty sure it's not a new observation
sevendeuce ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 15:21:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
๐๐ฏ๐ฒ๐ ๐ด๐ต๐ณ๐ฑ
fnhflexy ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:04:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What's the shiny bit before the run away
NinjaRobotPilot ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:08:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The ciiiiiiiircle of liiiiiiiife!
delicious_grownups ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:15:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And some glorious hieroglyphs they are
Lem01 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:52:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/ShowerThoughts
Infinite_one ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 15:12:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
@iamgrossauer
LaBelleCommaFucker ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:53:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The houses look like they're shocked. Guess I would be too if someone was breaking into me and pooping.
Zardif ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:25:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I could see this as a Vince vaugn romcom movie. He poops in other people's houses, meets a girl, feels ashamed but can't stop. He keeps doing it in secret she finds out he promises to never do it again. He gets caught by the neighbors and has to spend a night in jail. She's pissed then they go through some ordeal to make them cost she threatens to leave yadda yadda yadda, and it ends with her so happy because she wakes up and finds poop in their toilet.
Infinite_one ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:16:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Jack the shitter on/with the run(s).
rubydrops ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:13:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A picture is worth a thousand words, in this case, 8000.
flaystus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:32:22 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Man... This guy REALLY hates house music...
[deleted] ยท 158 points ยท Posted at 12:19:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
To do that I'd have to collect my own crap, I genuinely don't think I'm capable of taking more than a shit a night
XXVIIMAN ยท 136 points ยท Posted at 12:59:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Practice makes perfect.
slnz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:32:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
TIL eating shitloads of corn can count as practice
RedSkyCrashing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
*exlax makes perfect
ucantsimee ยท 83 points ยท Posted at 13:00:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not with that attitude
ElectricTsunami ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:01:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not with that altitude
zwart27 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:08:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Open all the windows and then take artillery shits everywhere
CeltiCfr0st ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:39:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fire in the hole!
packardpa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:27:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Push and pinch.
Cypher_Shadow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:14:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You can do it if you believe hard enough!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:20:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not without exlax and with that attitude you aren't!
foxyfoxyfoxyfoxyfox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:21:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The trick is to eat a lot of fiber and drink lots of coffee.
lemonade_eyescream ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:29:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fast food to the rescue!
outofshell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:16:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What you need is a bag of sugar-free candy :D
justsoyouunderstand ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:45:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Have fun getting old
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:55:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Laxatives.
Whiskey-Tango-Hotel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Eat more fiber
poolthatisdead ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:42:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Or, you know, maybe OP could become the mad pooper
blot101 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:10:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or the butt-ler
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:43:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Add to that. All the days on you rampant shit spree, you eat only cereal. You'd be a cereal serial shitter
Wheyfusion ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:30:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would sneak up into their house early in the morning and eat all cereal. Would I become a cereal eater?
Infinite_one ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:14:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
A really serious serial cereal eater. FTFY
Zapkin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:42:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The case of the Phantom Shitter
thegreger ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:43:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A... Shitman?
druedan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:04:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Buttler
TheDrDocter ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:13:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
At school one time there was this kid known as the Poop Bandit. He would poop in the urinals everyday, a different bathroom everyday.
I always thought of the risk of taking a shit in a urinal and have someone walk in at that moment.
FullMetalGuitarist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:22:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Mad Pooper!
buhluhake ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:32:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace random unopened toothpaste with denture adhesive (in toothpaste tube)
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:03:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Serial Shitter 2 : Revenge of the Shit-Lord
Velonate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:30:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Could call them the BUTTler
ComplacentAgnostic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Even better, drink nothing but kool-aid, wait a few hours, and then take a shit.
wise_comment ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:57:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd upper decker one toilet over and over, and that will be George RR Martin's. It would build up in time, and by the time he thinks to look it'd be an edifice of feces. I'd call it the Tower of Joy
tommytron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:11:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If all you ate was fruity pebbles... Cereal Shitter
librlman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:22:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dump a serving-size box of cereal in along with it so they argue whether it should be serial shitter or cereal shitter when they write up the police report.
Infinite_one ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:24:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
See above.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There was some guy in Akron Ohio that shit on people's cars all over the neighborhood for a while.
Dookie_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:52:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shotta hitta serial shitta
gallantBlackKnight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wasn't the serial shitter a 4chan thing?
wsteelerfan7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:05:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wasn't there actually a serial shitter at a golf course?
Tokie-okie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:05:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The ol B&E BM
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:10:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
These people exist:
https://www.buzzfeed.com/candacelowry/find-the-portland-pooper?utm_term=.jb2Mp6W0J#.wqqnDrAgL
inawhdaw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:13:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A MAD POOPER
_Lady_Deadpool_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Mad Pooper
skeeter_mcbee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:56:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Alternatively, OP could stuff a condom full of Cheerios up their ass and become a cereal shitter.
festerf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:00:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ftfy
candybomberz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:05:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
more like shitler.
subie_05 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:09:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Mad Pooper
Dragonite_149 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:28:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The mad pooper
rwwman50 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Finally have a place to put this! The great Akron hood shitter
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I prefer the term "mad shitter", thank you.
adudeguyman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Brings a new meaning to Coco Pebbles
archetech ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or you could shit in their cereal. Go around the neighborhood and shit in boxes of chocolate cereal.
Furlock-Bones ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The mad pooper!
PellaeonArkaral ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:16:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My college dorm had a serial shitter who would randomly take a dump in the hallway... it pissed everyone off so bad. Half the kids ended up throwing their guts up.
PS. (S)he was never caught.
50PercentLies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:48:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
mad pooper
ForrestParques ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:25:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
relevant: www.youtube.com/watch?v=LeeJQU6hr_U&ab_channel=WEWSNewsChannel5
edit:link
the_chris_yo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:27:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Turd Bandit.
carpet111 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:47:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We had one of those in Akron Ohio. The guy would go shit on peoples cars.
CaptRory ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:53:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Mad Pooper!
Oisann ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:54:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kinda like this guy
ForeverAvailable ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:39:59 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've been a cereal shitter my whole life.
vapir1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:35:28 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If he stole something before he leaves he would be considered a bandit. Then by robbing and shitting together. They can be call "The Shit Bandits". Unless it's in a hispanic neighborhood. Then they will be called "Los Shitto Banditos"
ask_me_if_Im_lying ยท 277 points ยท Posted at 12:46:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you want to step it up a level, you can do a reverse shit (take a shit facing the wrong way aka The Koala) or you can take a shit in the cistern (aka an Upper Decker) so that every time they flush, more shitty water fills the toilet bowl.
burf12345 ยท 45 points ยท Posted at 14:13:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OP said annoying, not diabolical.
[deleted] ยท 153 points ยท Posted at 12:59:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Error101systembreach ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 14:27:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That was a crap joke.
Vicioushero ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:17:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The shit you people talk about....
secreted_uranus ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 15:36:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I did an upper decker at a party once in highschool. The toilet was clogged with shit, piss, puke, the bathtub and sink were both also full of human expulsion. So I did the most logical thing. I took off the lid and unleashed hell into the upper tank.
I can only imagine the next morning when they went to clean up the bathroom.
TheCaptainsBeefheart ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 16:53:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Good god that's so fucked up on so many different levels
MAADcitykid ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:00:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's also made up
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:15:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/thatHappened
/r/nothingeverhappens
Schrodinger's story
Vicioushero ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:18:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He gets it.
s2514 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It only happened if you aren't there to witness it.
MAADcitykid ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 17:00:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That happened
6ickle ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:10:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I donโt understand the reverse shit
aschmack ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 14:18:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
https://youtu.be/C90uhvXW1KM
datmotoguy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:06:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't do an upper decker! Where will you store the snacks?!
cocainemountain ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:28:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We always called it the Reverse Kanga not The Koala.
mrhighspeed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:36:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
AKA AC Slatering the toilet
grc207 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:02:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was going to suggest an upper decker. It's far more aggravating.
tilsitforthenommage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:02:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The one night they walk to the toilet bleary eyed and see someone spooning the toilet cistern laying cable would be priceless.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:41:21 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why not koala in your own bathroom?
erasethenoise ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:45:18 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait what does facing the wrong way accomplish?
Sgt_Patman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:32:10 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How do you take a shit facing the wrong way?
Wilreadit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:29:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I do the Upper Decker at my BF's house everytime I have a break up.
IdidntknowIwasprego ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:44:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always called the backwards one the A.C. Slater shit.
eltoro ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:37:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reference?
IdidntknowIwasprego ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:12:33 on July 1, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mario Lopez on Save by the Bell! He always sat on the chair backwards!
eltoro ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:35:45 on July 1, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh right, forgot about that.
seagramsseven ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:04:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Good thinking, but that's not how toilets work. The poop would just stay up top until it desinigrated, then little pieces might wash down.
Jellyka ยท 165 points ยท Posted at 14:16:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That happened once to an aunt of mine. She woke up and thought her boyfriend had done that, she thought ugh gross.
ร bit later the boyfriend went to get some chocolate milk and thought "Oh the kids must have drank it all already."
Later still she wanted a piece of leftover birthday cake, but it was nowhere to be found.
Until they looked outside, and there was the cake box and chocolate milk container on the lawn and street :|
It's a small town, but now they lock their doors at night lol.
timberwolvesguy ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 14:43:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'll never understand why someone wouldn't lock their doors all the time regardless.
chunklemcdunkle ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 14:45:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'll never get why people don't lock doors at night.
KorianHUN ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:54:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I live in a flat and we ditched the door handle for a fixed knob outside. You still need a key to get inside but not to get outside. We still lock the door though.
Azara1th ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 15:19:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like a great way to lock yourself out of the house...
KorianHUN ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 15:23:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have a magical device known as a "key" in my pocket before leaving the house.
Azara1th ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 15:32:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A magical device that is often forgotten... I know I've stepped out several times thinking my keys were in my pocket and then had to go back when they weren't. Only you'd be stuck.
KorianHUN ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:45:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Man if i ever leave witout checkong if i have all the garbage i carry in my pockets that means wwiii started.
Azara1th ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:05:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It happens, I've done it and I'm usually not at all forgetful.
KorianHUN ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would write a response but i don't want to end up on certain subs.
Azara1th ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:24:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Too late, that counts. Crossposted to /r/ooer and /r/dragonsfuckingcars
chunklemcdunkle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:28:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah a good habit to have is to lock it from the outside when you leave. I locked myself out a few times locking it from inside on the way out.
Bodiemassage ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:29:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
99% of the time it works every time!
Pm_me_any_dragon ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:24:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We have asimilar setup.
I personally use our garage though. It has a 6 number pin with a 1x2n second lockout, with n determined as tries since the last succesful code input
Zaculus ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:59:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's pretty creepy. Also, loving the "ร" in the second paragraph. I'm sure it was on accident, but it made me think there was some dirt on my phone's screen.
runs-with-scissors ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:43:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's a subreddit that has a pixel floating in the middle of the screen. Just off-center. Can't remember which one. Gets me every time.
Kakita987 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:26:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/mildlyinfuriating
Jellyka ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:29:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Haha yes, I run SwiftKey on my phone to not have to switch languages, but it does that sometimes lol.
QueenCameo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:02:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
At least the burglar got to relive some happy memories of having some birthday cake and chocolate milk. Maybe the only time they got to have some birthday cake and chocolate milk combo. /cries I has FEELZ for this person in this false scenario! (mine, not yours)
degjo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:40:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My brother doesn't lock his door when he is taking a nap in his living room. He is a heavy napper
Coulsy ยท 55 points ยท Posted at 13:22:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The pooping bandit strikes again
Phantompooper03 ยท 53 points ยท Posted at 13:27:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You rang?
CuriousHumanMind ยท 47 points ยท Posted at 14:09:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah the poop bandit not you Mr phantompooper
GourdOfTheMorning ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:31:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Buttler
ahappypoop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:24:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ah yes, I'm here now, you called?
CuriousHumanMind ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:58:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Close but no cigar
Nightguard119 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:23:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think you're looking for the wrong guy, we're looking for a guy leaving poops not
takingstealing themMatCauthonsHat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:15:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's the Phantom Shitter.
tylerlame ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:07:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The mad pooper!
Tuckason ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:10:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We always used to say "Mad Crapper"
CoffeeAndSwords ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:41:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Banshit
J4CKR4BB1TSL1MS ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 12:51:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly the excuse my brother wants me to believe.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:18:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Alternatively collect all the poop out of the cat litter every day before they get home for like a week so they get worried something is up with their cat, then take a massive dump in the litter box.
limukala ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:58:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OK Clooney
gcgould94 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:35:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's the Butt-ler!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:04:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Fylgja ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:19:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dna is only useful if they have someone to match it to. Don't be a suspect and you're good to go.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:44:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I think this is something a lot of people forget about, even if it's obvious once they realize it. The cops having DNA evidence doesn't matter unless they already have your DNA in their system or suspect you of a crime, which they shouldn't if you have a clean record and didn't get caught doing this.
veryfascinating ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:31:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Someone beat you to this... There's an urban legend in South East Asia called the Oily Man or Orang Minyak. He is said to be a devil worshipper who practices black magic (or the demon himself) and needs to take the virginity of 40 girls to practice his demoncraft. To do so, he covers himself with black oil (hence the name Oily Man) so he would be hard to catch, as he slips into houses to rape girls or steal items. Sometimes he would leave his shit around to "prevent people from breaking his spell". My mom told me that when grandma was younger, her family fell victim to an Orang Minyak, because when she woke up there was a trail of black oil around the house, missing items and a mysterious piece of shit in her frying pan left out on the stove...
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 13:03:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You need to do a double decker. Taking a shit in the upper tank of the toilet, every time they flush it will be dirty.
andremeda ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:13:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wasn't expecting to meet Satan until I went to hell. Guess I was wrong.
just_that_one_kid ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 14:27:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Upper decker*
Cylon_Toast ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:41:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Double decker is so much better though! You go both in the bowl and in the tank. They'll get to the toilet see the poop, flush, and then there's more poop!
just_that_one_kid ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:22:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I just feel like there's not enough poop to make each one as good as it could be, you know?
Annoying_Smiley_Face ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:28:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I heard a story from a friend that worked at a train station that every morning he'd get on a train to clean it and there would be a turd placed squarely in the center of the fucking entrance way of the first carriage with a ยฃ5 note stuck in it. Every morning.
BlackAndArtsy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:58:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OHMYGOD, you monster!
Unsalted_Hash ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:59:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
worse - pour water on all their toilet paper.
Project2r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:11:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In Taiwan, when burglars break into an apartment building, but are unsuccessful @ getting into any of the apartments, they often shit in a hallway, stairwell or basement as their way of saying, "fuck you, i didn't get in, but ive left some shit for you"
note: I've only been told this, never actually seen it.
dcht ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:12:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just give 'em an upper-decker.
Trek7553 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:19:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Operation Phantom Dookie
internetsanta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:24:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would just assume I started shitting in my sleep
JTGrey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:29:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Breaking News: The "Turd Burgaler" has struck again.
Surtrsflame ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:31:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've had that happen. My roomate and I came home to find a turd in the toilet and a bookbag by the door inside my apartment. We cleared the house and didn't find anyone, but after that one of us always armed when we were there.
whodaloo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:37:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's just life as a trucker.
Hafsteinn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:38:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Some years ago me and my mates went to Mallorca for springbreak. We had 4 rooms and every morning there was a mysterious excrement in one of the toilets and never no toilet paper, this happened 11 days in a row. The case is still open.
lesterfazwazzle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:40:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This happened to my friend's dorm suite. They dubbed the offender "The Unapooper"
jusarandom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:52:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Imagine collecting so much of your own shit and filling up their toilet to the brim of explosion and leaving.
BallouRicky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:52:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take a leak in the tank behind the toilet too, so when they flush, the dump wiz replaces it :0
theotherlee28 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
TIL a lot of my siblings are burglars
loftyhall ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:02:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We're the stinky bandits!
BillyBoler0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:04:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Already done in Sweden two years ago: translated link
arb93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:05:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
why not just on the floor, especially if they dont have pets
ThisOldHatte ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:06:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why not an upper decker?
PattyCakes1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:07:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
At my work I do this every few months in the womans washroom. The mens and womans washroom were side by side so I would take a nice loch ness monster shit in the girls toilet, and not wipe, then pull my pants up far enough to not touch my dirty asshole then waddle to the guys washroom to wipe my ass hoping no one would catch me.
RedditsInBed2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:12:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm the poopy bandit!
The_Prince1513 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:14:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or, alternatively, hide a deuce in one shoe. Now the trick is, they'd immediately find out that there was a piece of shit just airing out in their house somewhere right? Wrong. What you do is you eat a bunch of fiber leading up to D(euce) Day. On the day of, you excrete a very solid log and dip it into hot wax a few times to get a scent impermeable layer around the dook. THEN you hide it in a shoe.
SirPeterODactyl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:16:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We actually had someone do this for two weeks.
Grandfather kept finding deuces dropped in his toilet on the first floor and he though he kept using the toilet at night and forgot to flush. Possibility of Someone breaking in never occurred because they keep ground floor secured.
But turned out that one of his former employees (so he was familiar with the place) was spending the nights there in a part of the house where no one stays at night. When everyone's at sleep he'd climb a tree which would give access to the roof, then sneak into the first floor through a balcony. Then go number 2 in a toilet and won't flush because the noise will wake people. And finally fall asleep downstairs and leave before everyone wakes up.
Uncle was going downstairs and saw a pair of feet poking out from behind the furniture in a storage room one day. Turned out the guy overslept that day. Everyone was spooked for months and the guy ended up in jail because he had several other break in charges.
Infinite_one ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:19:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We got Jack the shitter over here.
Gillig4n ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:29:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Happy shitting
Halpeart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:29:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One Hour Photo?
paracelsus23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:31:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Someone is regular.
goodnames679 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:47:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wasn't there a reddit thread about somebody who kept having this happen to him like two years ago?
AngryPacman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:48:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/firstworldanarchists
zuchit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
someone is doing that in our hostel.. :/
outerdrive313 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:03:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or better yet, an upper-decker.
Acorbo22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:10:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
https://youtu.be/thJA5uIgxug
This would totally be the result. Every morning.
boxopen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:11:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I prefer shitting in the litter box.
OtherLoneGoose ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:21:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Who doesn't know how to flush the toilet after taking a shet!? Well, it was fuckin one of yooz! Disgustang!!
StrayMoggie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:30:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do you visit my house? The Poop Bandit sneaks in all the time!
Kikz__Derp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Top deck it just for good measure
Geniifarmer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:52:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A buddy and I lived in an on-campus apartment sophomore year. We got the cops called one night (long story) and had to pay to replace our door and our neighbors (our door opened with a light kick if we left our keys inside; tried it to help neighbor who had done the same, destroyed door). Anyway that summer we were back and convinced they never even spent our money to fix our door, and sure enough we could kick it open. So my buddy decided to leave a nasty Taco Bell fueled deuce in the toilet before we left. But after he was done, we looked around and there were signs that someone was currently living there for summer classes. We left and felt kind of bad. They must've been pretty confused when they got home.
forgotusernamedamnit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:05:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Joke's on you. My four year old does that every morning. Each time I go for my morning piss there's a log in the bowl that looks like it came from a Yokozuna.
Bizurns ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My kid half-ass flushes the toilet so this is not uncommon for us. He'd get blamed every time.
FuckingShitty_Reddit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:10:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just shit on the floor in front of the toilet.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:14:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
wasn't there a guy on here that broke up with his girlfriend because his toilet didnt flush properly and he thought she was lying to him about not flushing the toilet which just led to a huge fight and them breaking up?
Linearts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:28:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One time my friend came over to my house and pooped in our toilet. Later I went into the bathroom and the poop was still there. I flushed it, peed, flushed again, and then went to my friend and accused him of not flushing the toilet after pooping. He insisted that he had flushed the toilet, but I knew he was obviously lying because, duh, the poop was still in the toilet when I went into the bathroom after he did.
The next week my mom told me that the toilet had been having problems and would sometimes fail to flush properly. We had to get a new toilet shortly after that. So it turned out my friend had been telling the truth. However, I forgot to mention this the next time I saw him and apologize for accusing him of lying. He died in a car accident later that year and the biggest regret of my life is not apologizing to my friend for the pants-on-fire-toilet incident.
Stevo09321 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:39:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In my school we had a 'Phantom Shitter' years ago. Every so often a big shit was found on top of a toilet seat and it was driving the maintenance team mad. It turned out a group of students would at specific times leave class to do the deed. Needless to say it stopped once they were caught on cctv going into the toilets at the same time.
buffetregret ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:58:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you my son?!
joosier ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You could pull a George Clooney: clean the litter box every day so that they think their cat is constipated or something and then, after a few weeks, take a huge dump in the litter box and leave it.
Welder49er ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What you do is piss and shit in the water tank on the back of the toilet and then when they flush it will all come down into the bowl and they won't know what the fuck happened
b0ingy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
the worst apt I ever rented was above an old run down restaurant. The owner of the restaurant was my landlord, and the restaurant's manager was basically the super, and handled all the rent collection and tenant support as well as running the restaurant. Despite me explicitly telling them not to, they insisted on keeping their copy of my apt key in the register. After a few months of things seeming "off" around my apt, (glasses in the sink I didn't remember putting there, TV remote in a different position than where I left it, TV set to the wrong channel, food/drink missing from the fridge, etc.) I began to suspect that someone from the restaurant was using my apt while I was at work. It got to the point where I was taping a piece of thread across the inside of the doorway to see if anyone was coming in while I was away.
After MONTHS of this stupid cat and mouse game, I came home late one evening to find a "gift" in the toilet. Based on the shittiness of that restaurant, my guess is either that their bathroom wasn't working, or employee(s) just wanted a quiet place to poop, and they used my apt. as their break room. This one time, they took such a monster crap that it didn't flush.
I called a 24 hour locksmith changed the lock that night, deducted the cost from my rent the next month, and gave them a copy of the receipt along with an explanatory note.
When he had the gall to ask for a copy of the new key, I gave him a shiny new copy of my office building's bathroom key, which was a similar looking key. I found out later was also kept in the register. I figured the only way he was going to notice was if he tried to go in my apt while I was at work. He never said anything, but gave me seriously dirty looks whenever he saw me from then on.
TL;DR My super was using my apt for a quiet place to take a dump, watch tv and occasionally drink my beer.
Edit for clarity/grammar
Greasyspamguts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ
AFlawAmended ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:50:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Happened at one of the dorms at the college I went to. But instead of the toilet it was in the communal showers.
Asshole-Max ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:28:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There was someone that did this in my apartment complex in college... Except he did it on the hoods of cars.
doogie88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:42:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Can't believe I scrolled down this far to find it.
Robert_A_Bouie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We call that the "Turd burglar"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:09:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And then taking a pic and posting it on /r/poop on house owner's account.
DaBlakMayne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:26:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had roommates who did this as a joke ๐ฉ
cballance ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:59:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Upper decker!
Zantary ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:38:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thankfully my roommate prepared me for that since we lived together. Sent him a picture every time I woke up to one of his turds in the toilet.
It stunk like hell and was darker than the devil's soul. Pretty sure his diet will kill him some day.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:11:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you my roommate?
Lucafoto ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:12:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
flip the toilet paper roll
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:21:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, take a double decker. Shit in the cistern, so when they flush, it goes into the bowl.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:45:12 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or the old hilarious "upper decker".
fastfurious555 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:52:02 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leaving DNA at your crime site?
Amateur...
BiIbo_Faggins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:02:29 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take an upper-decker
FakingFad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:33:06 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you do this on christmas, then you are like santa. Leaving gifts for them
mistervanilla ยท 541 points ยท Posted at 14:33:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I steal the people while they are asleep and switch them around houses.
recardos777 ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 16:43:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide yo kids, hide yo wife
ImXavierr ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:33:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Barbara? I thought I wants coming over till Saturday after Susan leaves for her trip..OH SHIT hey Susan how was work last night?"
HarshLanguage ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:19:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do you float around in a black trenchcoat while you do it?
WAO138 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:13:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep, now.
ncnotebook ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:00:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch the houses so that you don't risk waking them up.
llcooljessie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:22:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't that some sci fi film?
NickDownUnder ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:19:15 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dark city. They don't just swap their houses, they swap their memories. You could be dirt poor one moment and then dining in a mansion the next and you would have no idea anything had happened
jufojonas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:57:03 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A similar concept was also explored in a danish book called "See the Light of Day" (direct translation, not sure if it has ever been translated), in which people changed address and life every night. They woke up in a new bed, in a new house with a new family and job, with only their name and whatever they could fit into their "personal suitcase" as remaining from the day before. Pretty good book.
kickingpplisfun ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:17:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make sure to swap their relevant keys too, for extra fuckery.
heeltoehero92 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:51:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This one is underrated. The perfect crime.
Sefirot8 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:08:45 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"husband! why are you in our daughters bed again???"
Billybobsatan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:00:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What could you even do in that situation? Do you walk outside naked to see where you are? Do you just sit there until the owners wake up?
PigHaggerty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:35:48 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kinda reminds me of that movie Dark City.
jufojonas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:53:42 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There is a pretty good Danish book about that very concept. Though that is more of a cultural change rather than the work of a prankster
Herogamer555 ยท 1824 points ยท Posted at 13:05:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Take a human sized shit in their cat's litter box.
Edit: my most Upvoted comment is about shitting in a litter box. Stay classy, Reddit.
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 2926 points ยท Posted at 13:06:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Like a 6 foot shit?
Herogamer555 ยท 546 points ยท Posted at 13:08:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Even better.
TupacalypseN0w ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 15:35:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm thinking Arby's
KingRyanidas ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 17:59:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So we're just gonna get Bono to hang out in the litter box?
Hurricane_Viking ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:08:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You might want to see a doctor about that, or you are one gigantic person.
UsernameError404 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:16:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
6 ft is giant? Dang man so cruel.
Glorx ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:11:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dung man.
Wackodemic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:57:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
so cruel.
GuiltyBoner ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:58:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or shit 6 foots.
jupitaur9 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:41:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or just put in a giant Tootsie Roll.
Catnap42 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:19:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What's with all of the Tootsie Roll jokes?
jupitaur9 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:12:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Someone in a previous comment suggested replacing all the batteries in all the remote controls with Tootsie Rolls, to sort of soften the blow. They've been appearing in other responses randomly since then. To sort of soften the blow I guess.
n88888888 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:32:10 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
M E T A
E
T
A
xXx_WeedBlzr_420_xXx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:20:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A big wobbling tower of fun!
ComanderBubblz ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 16:57:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bono?
DapperChewie ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 14:29:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't know they stacked it that high.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:27:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Where in the hell are you from anyway, private?
Kiwi150 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:33:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Texas, sir.
Sinjun13 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:08:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Only steers and queers come from Texas, and I don't see any horns on you!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:47:41 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Holy dogshit Texas! Only steers and queers come from Texas Private Cowboy! And you don't much look like a steer to me, so that kind of narrows it down! Do you suck dicks?
Okla_dept_of_tourism ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:34:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Burnt orange makes me puke" -Brian Bosworth
RLLRRR ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:04:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck Boz!
PM_ME_UR_CHAIN ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:30:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I just laughed out loud in the middle of church. Thanks for that lol.
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:03:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did you atleast go out infront and tell everyone what made you laugh?
PM_ME_UR_CHAIN ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:08:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah I was like, "hey everyone, what if you broke into someone's house and dropped a 6 ft dookey in the litter box?"
TheFemmeNerd ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:09:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This made me laugh so hard I couldn't breath.
candybomberz ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:06:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shitler strikes again.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:00:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We call him Bono.
gk3coloursred ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:23:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bono isn't 6ft.
AstariiFilms ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:23:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bono?
arb93 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:32:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
how bout diarrhea?
SgtSheesh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:30:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I shit you not, this might actually be the funniest thing i've read in a while
IHaveBigPlansForYou ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:33:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know where you're gonna get 6 feet tbh, maybe 3 or 4 hands is more realistic
cosimine ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:39:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This comment made me laugh more than I have in a long time.
thumpas ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:20:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Let's be realistic, a 5'8" shit.
PM_ME_YOUR_H0NKERS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go big or go home.
Elronnd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No. Diarea.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:11:23 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Who shits less than 5 feet?
WFK-Jobe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:01:05 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit that was the funniest thing I've seen on here
hervethegnome ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:02:56 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A Bono sized shit
anotheronedown ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:00:38 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bono
reddog323 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:30:23 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
George Clooney has actually done that.
Apparently the roommate was Richard Kind.
Jhoo23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:26:18 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
12 courics
blackNstoned ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:44:58 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I dont think he'd notice the tiger lying down next to said box
ThundercuntIII ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:50:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Everything below 6 feet isn't human. Manlets, when will they learn
tardis1217 ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 14:52:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
George Clooney did this with a friend he was house sitting for. Look it up
SpruceCaboose ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:16:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The roommate was Richard Kind, from Spin City and the voice of Bing Bong.
TheSteelPhantom ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:24:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bing Bong. :(
flamingfreebird ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:24:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think of this story whenever I clean out my cat's litter box and giggle.
zombie_girraffe ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 14:26:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bono is a very busy man. I don't know if he'd be willing to hang out in someones litter box for you as a part of a prank.
Daggertrout ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:44:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just tell him it'll help starving African children.
AustinFit ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 17:15:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
deadpool?
Vegan_Toaster ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:28:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"I'll shoot your cat!" "I don't have a cat" "Well then who's litter box did I just shit in?"
GeneraleRusso ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 14:27:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OR, if they have a kid that is getting potty trained, shit in the tiny pottys made for them and bribe the kid to call their parents once you're done and gone
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:41:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
THAT IS A HUMAN SHIT.
denhelder ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:51:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If they've got little kids then they're possibly used to that already. Congratulations, you just got a little kid in trouble for something they actually didn't do this time.
SomeBroadYouDontKnow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:41:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My cat already poops bigger logs than I ever could. I'd just think it was him.
dabadu9191 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:38:14 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You must have a tiny asshole
SomeBroadYouDontKnow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:08:17 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or a really big cat.
unknowinglyderpy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:01:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I imagine in the morning you'd hear one of them scream "THIS IS HUMAN SHIT!"
babygrenade ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:35:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
so... just shit in their cat's litter box
declar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:43:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Who fed the cat corn?
sleepyworm ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:58:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Found George Clooney's Reddit account.
BtownBlazin37 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:58:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Been there done that.
MetalRetsam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:08:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's better than one shit-sized human.
willbo360 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:43:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Someone did that at the hipster flop house my mom used to live at..
Hagathorthegr8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Didn't George Clooney do that to his roommate when he was younger?
madsqueaker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
With corn/peanuts or other undigestible things
Sinjun13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:09:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
a.k.a. "The Clooney"
CuBu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:14:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
George Clooney?
1SweetChuck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:33:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sean Lock?
Billy1138 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cards Against Humanity?
Dathouen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:37:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dog thinks he's a cat, and will shit in the cat litter. It confused the hell out of me for a while until I caught him doing it.
motorcyclemechanic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:42:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My childhood friend did that to his grandmother. He had a very crude sense of humor.
scuzzle__butt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:45:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I actually had a college friend that did that. Our other friend, the cat owner was super confused for a bit and because he was a first time car owner kept asking other cat owners if it was normal for a 6 month old kitten to take dumps half their size. The shitter finally came clean much to the disgust of the cat owner who had to poop scoop his friends shit out of the litter box.
whipperzipper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:30:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If there was a litter box at a party we went to, my friend would take a dump in it. Like clockwork, word would get around that the owner of the cat that used said litter box has taken the cat to the vet because there was something wrong with said cat's shit. Imagine the embarrassment of the owner when the vet tells the owner that it's human shit. Classic.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:31:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OMG KITTY!
MorrisM ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:50:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OMG, there was this story recently on reddit: when being 13 yrs old, some guy took a poop in his aunt's cat litter box for no reason and after finding the giant dump, they took the cat to the vet and they found out it had cancer and then they treated it and it long survived after.
Senuf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:02:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why is it "take a shit" when you clearly are not taking it but depositing it?
cualcrees ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:17:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I found George Clonney's account!
Edit: for the uninitiated https://youtu.be/HLwxKmor-xo
littlebetenoire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:05:23 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I saw someone piss in a cat litter box at a party once because the toilet was occupied.
DJ_Akuma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:52:29 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Found George Clooney
CBBuddha ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:13:21 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ah. Classic George Cloony.
Thatsnowconeguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:26:29 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
THIS IS HUMAN SHIT
Snoochey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:43:44 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My brother did this to my sister's cat's litter box. When my step-dad walked by and saw it he exclaimed, "What in the sweet loving fuck are you feeding that cat!?"
noreasterner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:01:36 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
George Clooney did that to his roommate. First he cleaned roommate's cat litter box clean for like two weeks so they started to worry something is wrong with the cat and took him to the doctor who prescribed the cat some medicine. Next morning George laid a huge deuce in cats litter box which apparently created a real wtf moment of tears and joy.
Geenafalopezz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:33:11 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've been reading these answers out loud to my husband who doesn't seem amused by any of them until I read this one... I look over and he's silently cracking up to himself...... He said, "ahh that's a good one."
Well done.... You made my stoic husband laugh today.
KendaIl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:07:17 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The best one yet!
gambola ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:47:57 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My friend's husband did this once. He is now known as kitty litter shitter. Forever.
nuhuskie_810 ยท 745 points ยท Posted at 16:26:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reserved for the sickest of individuals...
Bring a few fire detectors and put old batteries in them so they chirp... Then hide them in the ceiling near the existing homes fire detectors. ;)"
definitelysome1else ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 18:25:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or buy an annoy-a-tron.
Rheklr ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:58:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is even better, because they think they have a solution to the problem.
Rooster022 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:56:37 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hello hello hello!
callans ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:17:16 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ping the shit outta it
Prestikles ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 19:42:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You monster
Task_Completed ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 19:43:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You bastard. That's incredible.
alaskafound ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 00:28:54 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My boyfriend would straight up burn the house down. Chirping fire alarms drive him mad.
Tridaron ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:33:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is the most sadistic thing on the thread thus far
BadassNyan ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:36:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So... Did you watch the Modern Family episode where that happened?
nuhuskie_810 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:45:48 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't, I have just spent countless hours hunting chirping alarms that echo through my cavernous home.
NewWorldOrder781 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:54:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You are one sick son of a bitch.
DaBearsMan_72 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:39:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You sick fuck... This had me rolling. Thank you for the visual of the poor bastard who had to deal with that.
mrboomx ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:22:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Calm down satan
HITLERS_SEX_PARTY ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:05:01 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=annoyatron&tbm=shop
JayDules ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:12:47 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Some men just want to watch the world burn
SheeEttin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:02:53 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My roommate left a hole in his wall when he moved out. It's too bad I didn't consider putting an annoyatron in the wall space before it was sealed up.
username2065 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:10:30 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
woah evil
yeooooo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:40:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In first year of uni we were given rape alarms, which we set off and tied them to lampposts, throw them on balconys of other students because we were cunts.
TonytheEE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:25:26 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You....you are vile, you are....
morris1022 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:02:42 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus
Jhoo23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:27:27 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If your doing this, it better be an upper decker...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:29:48 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Funny, I did this to my roommate, sort of. Came home one day and noticed that my smoke detector was dying, beeping every minute or so.
Took it off the roof and hid it in his room, and observed as he slowly lost his shit over the course of a couple days.
Wouldn't talk to me for a while after he figured it out.
jimmy_talent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:06:00 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or put their cell phone in the ceiling like in that episode of the office, that way you can have some control over when it rings.
nuhuskie_810 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:11:31 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think we broke his brain.
[deleted] ยท -7 points ยท Posted at 21:19:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
{[TRIGGERED]}
IntrinsicSurgeon ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 01:42:19 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I swear I saw something like this on Modern Family.
Knigar ยท 724 points ยท Posted at 12:52:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
reload the toilet paper the other way round in the holder.
WhiteRabbit86 ยท 252 points ยท Posted at 13:11:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You animal. I have a cat.
[deleted] ยท 68 points ยท Posted at 14:02:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:20:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Am I the old cat owner who's cats have no interest in toilet paper? Seriously I have even tried to get them to bat at it and they just look at me, their eyes full of disdain and boredom.
nikobruchev ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:45:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Totally depends on the cat's personality. Mine has no interest in the toilet paper when its on the roll, but hold a strip up in the air and she bats at it with wild abandon. Also loves to chase empty toilet paper rolls around the floor, which is especially hilarious when she gets it stuck on her leg.
fireinthesky7 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:49:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I first got my old cat, she was small enough that she could get her head stuck in some TP rolls with enough effort. It was hilarious.
c_nt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:21:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have two cats who do not care about toilet paper at all.
Then we got a new kitten. He loves toilet paper.
We had to learn to close the toilet door because we were losing several rolls a day.
soproductive ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:33:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Actually it's a cat bed now
OutInABlazeOfGlory ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:24:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And a dead/alive Schrรถdinger
's cat?WhiteFishCantSwim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:41:08 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My cat has never done that, my 9 month old, on the other hand, does it every time my 3 year old leaves the door open.
M3mph1s ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 15:28:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Never understood people who let cats in their bathrooms. Towels, TP, toothbrushes, medicine, so much stuff the cat could eat/destroy. Not to mention when the cat falls halfway in the toilet while drinking (or walks around the wet shower to lick the walls) then runs around the house, getting everything wet.
I could be professional house cat-proofer. :(
flamingfreebird ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 16:21:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My cat doesn't do any of that. He just lays on the tank of the toilet when I'm in the shower or at my feet when I take a dump. Beyond that the only time he goes into the bathroom is at night in the winter since it's the room I keep warmest.
You must have had a bad cat experience.
M3mph1s ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:20:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, not really. I've just lived with like a dozen different cats, so I've observed a lot of cat-isms. They like to drink fresh water/water that isn't theirs. Showers, toilets, toothbrushes are all open game. Had a kitten that fell into the toilet drinking once and left (clean) toilet water paw prints everywhere. Every time a cat gets into something dangerous or annoying, I make note to try to not let it happen again. One would open drawers/cupboard doors, so even medicine was a risk. Easier to just shut the door, especially if you don't have to worry about walking in on others.
Just realized at your feet while you dump probably means you don't share a bathroom, at least not with roommates or anything. So that probably helps.
Funny enough, unrolling TP has been the ONE thing I don't think I've ever had a cat do.
lengau ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:23:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What sort of imbecile cats have you had? My cats don't unravel the toilet paper (actually one did out of sheer boredom when he was accidentally locked in the bathroom all night, but that's the only incident), don't mess with the stuff on the counter, and don't open the cabinets or drawers in the bathroom.
M3mph1s ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:11:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Towels look like claw posts, I guess? They don't really hurt them, just pull them onto the floor and get them hairy. We had two cats that would lick/chew toothbrushes, either for the toothpaste taste if it wasn't clean, or the water left in the bristles. Only had one that would open drawers, but once he figured it out, he'd do it EVERYWHERE. The ones with child locks come open like an inch, then thud shut loudly in the middle of the night, sounding like a robber. We locked up medicine and stuff when we realized he could get into something dangerous and hurt himself.
Edit: Also had next level imbecile cats, don't get me wrong.
jontelang ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:30:09 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Had cats all my life and I don't think any I this has ever happened.
M3mph1s ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:56:22 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
YRMV.
boogiemanspud ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:53:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How the heck could you keep them out? I guess you could shut the door to the bathroom 24/7 but then you never know if it's occupied or not.
I just realized, I don't understand people who keep cats out of their bathroom lol.
M3mph1s ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 17:16:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Am I the only one around here with bathroom doors? Lol. Unless your roomates go to the bathroom in the dark, it's not difficult to tell, or knock.. Even "good" cats can get into things that car hurt themselves. I've seen/heard about it before and don't want to end up being an example after my cat eats a bottle of Asprin or something. Which reminds me, my cat would open drawers/cupboard doors, hence the extreme proofing needed.
boogiemanspud ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:12:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, thankfully mine haven't figured that out yet! :)
keyonte0 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:37:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If the light is off, it's empty.
Durzo_Blint ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:31:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You train them to stay out.
starfirex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would argue he is the animal then.
shelllbee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:10:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I agree! Parent of small child here.
kickingpplisfun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:16:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't even have a cat, but I do have a vent right below the roll- shit blows everywhere if I forget to close it.
cptskippy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:29:29 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So you intentionally load it wrong? You're a monster.
RagingOrangutan ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:12:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always fix people's toilet paper when they have it in the wrong way and I'm at their house. Showing them the light, like a TP evangelist.
SomeAltAccountPun ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:00:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Woah hey, we were trying to annoy people, not ruin their god damn lives
Iggy_Azalea_E ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:04:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hell called, they want their boss back
d_smogh ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:06:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is evil shit, you psychopath
kabamman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:45:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldn't notice
poesmuse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:14:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This would make me question my sanity for sure.
srflanigan33 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My buddy literally just did this to me. You monster
MuteWolf49 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:20:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is a divorce-able offense in some households, you monster!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:48:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's pure evil.
HausKino ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:29:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You monster!
Sachael ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:27:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I actually do this to all my friends when I'm at their place.
AgentB42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:22:32 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You monster
Ar_Ciel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:46:33 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nice to see you posting tonight, Satan.
Hyhena ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:20:40 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There is a special place in hell for you.
TicklishOwl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:08:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Calm down there Satan
GinzoKazama ยท 842 points ยท Posted at 12:21:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch out their patio furniture with their indoor furniture.
feed-me-tacos ยท 283 points ยท Posted at 14:21:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is relatively normal where I live. (The South)
nocookie4u ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 15:52:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kentucky here, using camping foldout chair for my dining room table.
Also a college kid, not sure if it's a bit of both.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:11:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I know half of my neighbors wouldn't notice any difference.. (NC here)
CargoCulture ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:32:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Which is great until it's pollen + thunderstorm season (like it is now).
feed-me-tacos ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:41:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Right? We're non-native to the South so it's always been supremely weird to me. How does this furniture not become absolutely disgusting from weather exposure?
CargoCulture ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:42:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Likewise. When we moved to Savannah I was like "sweet, screen porch, I'm gonna live out there".
NOPE. Here's some pollen, a thunderstorm to fuck your shit up, oh yeah, here's some goddamn wasps for your trouble.
feed-me-tacos ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:45:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And throw in a tornado warning for good measure!
zoraluigi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:34:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In Savannah? Do they get tornados?
marty86morgan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:39:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I bet they get warnings. However unlikely a tornado might be pretty much anywhere in the south or midwest regularly has favorable conditions for them.
sohcgt96 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:51:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yep. The odds of one hitting a specific place are astronomical but they actually happen all the damn time during late spring/early summer and can pop up (down?) any time of year. The storm that rolled through Northern IL last week I think had 7 confirmed touchdowns and it wasn't the first round of them this year. Had a small one 2 months ago go through my parents back yard and take the roof of the farmers market across the street from the place I used to work. Gas station I'd stopped at before a few times got wrecked by one earlier this week and we've had two F4s within a 15 minute drive in the last 10 years, one of which took out multiple friends/friends parents/co-workers houses. Now you'd think with all this I'd be a little more cautious about warnings but nope, I'm just like all the other midwest gomers who go stand outside when the sirens go off. If I can see the clouds, I know when to worry and when not to worry.
feed-me-tacos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:42:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know, actually! We get them quite a bit in my section of TN.
FrodoBaggins_ ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 15:55:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Can somewhat confirm, my old fraternity house has 4-6 non-matching couches on the front and back porch at any given time
feed-me-tacos ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 16:43:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm imagining Frodo Baggins sitting on a couch on the porch, smoking a pipe, and it's delightful.
breakone9r ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:35:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When you're broke, you buy patio furniture and use it inside. When you're rich, you buy patio furniture and use it outside.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:28:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is not relatively normal where I live (also the south)
TheAbsurdPrince ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:00:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Replace the toilet on their lawn with a lawn chair
[deleted] ยท -18 points ยท Posted at 14:47:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
....no it's not. Maybe in like trailer parks but not anywhere else. Source: live in the Deep South
feed-me-tacos ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 14:53:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I said where I live. I do live in the South, and it's not uncommon to see living room furniture on a front porch. And I'm not talking trailer parks; just normal (admittedly, usually a little less than classy) houses.
The South is a big place. I suppose you should count yourself lucky that your area doesn't consider a couch or easy chair appropriate front porch furniture.
Durzo_Blint ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:33:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We had a church pew on our porch for a while, though I'm not sure you could count where we live "the South".
its_over9000 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 15:54:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Have you ever set on a couch on a nice summer day on your front porch? I can tell you, it is pretty sweet. My grandma had a porch couch and I loved it.
marty86morgan ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:43:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As long as it's not leather, or imitation leather.
lilmisschainsaw ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 15:32:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've lived in different places throughout Tennessee and Kentucky. Can confirm: in some places, couches and the like on porches are the norm. They're not generally ritzy places to live, but its common in the poorer, rural regions.
runs-with-scissors ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 16:35:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Also common in the poorer, urban regions. Plenty of ratty couches on rowhome porches in Eastern PA.
[deleted] ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 15:49:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ah see, but its not...
cause you'd need not only living room furniture outdoors, you'd need patio furniture indoors.
while either of these alone may be something common... i really doubt the combincation is common at all
MAADcitykid ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 17:01:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
...do you live in Alabama? That's not even remotely normal in the south
feed-me-tacos ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:41:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Southern TN. And Alabama is the South, so I'm not sure what your point is...
M3mph1s ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:29:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jokes on you, now you gotta buy me real furniture!
Kuido ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:27:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They did this on jersey shore, it was hilarious
TinyFluffyMagda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:56:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They put the inside outside, the outside inside, the inside outside, the outside inside! Probably my favorite prank ever
Lonely_Kobold ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:28:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go the extra mile and place all their indoor decorations, fixtures, etc outside.
Place fake lawn and soforth inside.
Hang a framed set of instructions for toothpicks inside.
This is best done while homeowners are on vacation.
M3mph1s ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:56:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have access to enough astroturf to do a small apartment or large living room. Some sand, beach chair, and water in the middle. TV, Netflix playing, sofa and carpet all suspended above the pool.
thebeerdedwonder ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:56:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
and their indoor furniture with the patio furniture.
(I mean the patio furniture has to go somewhere, right?)
LordEpsilonX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:12:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Good thinking
Darthlizard ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:44:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not if it is illegal and has heavy fines :P
denhelder ยท 839 points ยท Posted at 14:46:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave letters addressed to someone in the house, from Hogwarts, telling them they've been accepted. Each night, increase the number of letters, until eventually I just dump a sack of papers across their loungeroom floor and fling owl shit all over the place.
TheLemming ยท 68 points ยท Posted at 16:58:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lol dying
Jitnaught ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 18:03:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No pls don't dy
WhiteStar274 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:00:33 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No bby
projectisaac ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:26:21 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shh bby is ok
oneironautic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:23:01 on June 28, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No dby
xyz66 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:27:43 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
F
ZachAttrax ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:50:31 on June 28, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
U
ThePeggyCarter ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 16:58:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Muggles will go nuts
jefferson497 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 18:20:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You can buy owl pellets online for science. It's much grosser then shit. It's essentially owl vomit. They're the bones and fur that don't get digested in a gross wad.
ReiNGE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:58:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i remember dissecting those in middle school science class, fk those things
Candy_Mann ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 18:57:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The part about owl shit made me choke on the food I was eating
andwhyshouldi ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:09:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
r/unexpectedhogwarts
BiIbo_Faggins ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:05:58 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you did that to me and I found out that it was a prank, my life would be ruined
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:04:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That escalated quickly
Sounds_of_a_Sax ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:21:04 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"There's no post on Sundays."
blackbirdsongs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:34:33 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It said confuse and annoy, not torture.
_MistressRed_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:14:38 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You'd break someone's heart
betamale3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Genius
danald_tramp ยท 1164 points ยท Posted at 12:36:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I butter all their bread and then stick the slices in various places: on the floors, ceilings, walls, in books, in the letterbox, on their pets, inside their grandmother.
Fuck it, even in their toaster.
theodore33 ยท 972 points ยท Posted at 13:49:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One of these is not like the others
Wilreadit ยท 192 points ยท Posted at 14:34:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Toaster?
[deleted] ยท 376 points ยท Posted at 15:12:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
GalacticAndrew ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 17:03:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hi dad.
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 17:04:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hi son, still at the store getting lottery cigarettes
infez ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 21:40:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
With the number 7793.
Atrohunter ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:01:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Too meta for me.
Wilreadit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:15:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You showed her.
candybomberz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:10:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is that a bill grainer reference or is that a general english/american/reddit/internetz joke ?
Spam78 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:43:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
general English joke
eldfluga ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 14:18:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
At least he buttered it first.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:41:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah what the hell it's illegal to put buttered bread in a toaster
bennyboi32 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:53:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Every option is "inside" something so Ima go with on their pets!
kongu3345 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:21:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
bennyboi32 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:24:10 on June 28, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Floors, ceilings, and walls are all inside multiple things, besides a room ๐
Deltas111213 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:14:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, who puts bread in a book?
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:39:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
slnz ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:41:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Oh a snack, nice!"
munch
"Now where was I again?"
Narwhalbaconguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:36:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, who would put bread in a letterbox??
RaidenDark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I know, right? The toaster wouldn't be near as funny as the rest
UltimateInferno ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:24:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The toaster. It uses electricity.
Supremacist_Pancakes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I know, who would put toast in a book
Lidesia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:51:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yea putting it in the toaster could seriously screw it up
jambogitonga ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:52:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
idk why, but this just made my day. probably because i just had the mental audio of jacksepticeye singing "one of these things is not like the other" during one of his old prop hunt videos.
Chronotic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:43:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's what grandma would have wanted
nicely-nicely ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:25:02 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, it would ruin the books!
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 360 points ยท Posted at 12:36:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
oh no, not in the toaster
danald_tramp ยท 98 points ยท Posted at 12:57:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes. But buttered first, not after. Truly evil. Toaster ruined.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 15:28:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
Templar3lf ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:35:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, our old 17 year old one, almost as old as I am, decided to put itself through trial by fire when I looked away for a few seconds. Shame I didn't get a picture, but the giant flame was fantastic.
Manic_Alice ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:32:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was about 12 or so, I put buttered bread in the toaster and caught the kitchen cabinets on fire. My parents had just finished having the kitchen remodeled about a month prior. Oops.
Vivalicious ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:51:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
you people should be ashamed of yourselves! visit us at /r/toasterrights to receive your rightful sentences. all of you.
Nebresto ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:27:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
not sure if this is a reddit thing, but #teamtoaster
man-of-God-1023 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:42:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Aaaaand potentially starting a fire...
BritneySmears ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:10:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
not if it's a toaster oven
mmmmmm
comach2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:24:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If by ruined, you mean probably catches on fire
Source- Had a toaster catch on fire from this
filled_with_bees ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:13:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well the toast is also burned when you leave it inside all night
niceman123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:38:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I mean ya but... At least it will be good toast
zenergy1321 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Haha jokes on you I always butter first so the large amount of butter I used will melt
-GeneralDerp- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:28:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Buttered bread should never be in a toaster!
TheAbsurdPrince ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:00:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dude that shit has butter on it. It's gonna fuck up that toaster
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:13:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Have an upvote
Lonely_Kobold ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:13:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Attach at least one piece, buttered side out, to their cat's back
yo-ovaries ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:35:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If the toaster is broken how will I become toast?
NightByMoonlight ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:39:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Use the radiator
10TAisME ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:12:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cut up a fresh loaf, lather it in butter, then put it back together and in the bag
Oskie5272 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:28:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We used to do something similar in the fraternity house but with potatoes. It was a game between the older brothers that lived out of the house (mostly only sophomores lived in the house) to see who's potato would take the longest to get discovered. One was in the back of a toilet for two years
crimson-adl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:43:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Would you like us to assign someone to butter your muffin?
TheHamCaptain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:43:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Haha this is my kind of thing.
I find grandmothers tend to conceal yeast based products well.
mineymonkey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It now has her own "special" butter.
LordHawkeye ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:34:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out
Mr_Gilmore_Jr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They're gonna be really confused when they finally scatter those ashes.
tweeblethescientist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:26:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Toast all of their bread?
legendofzeldaro1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:12:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Butter all of the slices, then replace them in the bag.
pimpnswivel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:49:49 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or butter the bread and stick them back in the loaf
Hyhena ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:22:51 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"On the floors, ceilings, walls, in books, in the letterbox." That is fine but the last two made me reread this sentence more than once.
bboi83 ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 14:58:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Letterbox? You mean "mailbox." #Murica
oograh ยท 151 points ยท Posted at 14:33:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Draw a pentagram on the floor of the kitchen with salt, put candles around it, and set the goofiest kinck-knack they have in the middle. Then, every day for a month, buy a replica of the kinck-knack and put the replica in random places each night. If they get rid of the original knick-knack, put the replica in a pentagram like the first day.
SpeedyCarz66 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:07:51 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
เฒ _เฒ
oograh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:11:05 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit! How did I not see that? I messed it up a majority of the time too!
Tbone91499 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:21:56 on July 1, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or even better summon Satan or Lucifer himself in their house mweh mweh mweh
ASexualZebra ยท 402 points ยท Posted at 12:38:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything in their house one inch to the left
ssfgrgawer ยท 537 points ยท Posted at 13:36:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
walls are difficult, but show dedication to the cause.
MarkNutt25 ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 15:03:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stealth carpentry.
cormTiger ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:37:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
damn xkcd with its always being relevant
ZachAttrax ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:00 on June 28, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why XKCD? Why are you always relevant?
flytheredflag ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 15:54:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But... but... walls are the house
shvelo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly
Mortis2000 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:56:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ahhhh, that's why you'd move the walls an inch to the right, instead.
ChunksOWisdom ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:48:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or move the furniture 1/2" left and the walls 1/2" to the right
cayoloco ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:31:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've literally had to do this before, I mean it was just framing, not a full wall yet, and then the designer/ boss gets a different idea, and we move it now 2 inches the other way... Unbelievable, good thing I get paid by the hour.
Venoft ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:34:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
An early Christmas present for the neighbours to the right.
1live4downvotes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:22:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
nah they are boundaries and when something reaches one wall it loads at the other.
motherpluckin-feisty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:00:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I read that in the voice of Fran's dodgy landlord.
atglobe ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:28:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"I call it basement: 2 inches to the left."
fwd0120 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:28:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Woah slow down Leo!
AtoZZZ ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:54:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's art! Like, where are you?
HoodsHoaryBalls ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:00:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"I call it, 2 inches to the left maaan"
TheInvisibleDuck ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:11:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Except for one room, where you move everything to the right by an inch.
DimmuBorgir666 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:53:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Settle down, Gestapo.
3no3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:21:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything 1" to the left except for one item that you move 1" to the right.
fender12900 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:01:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ARTIE! The STRONGEST MAN.... .... in the wooorrld!
The Adventures of Pete and Pete - Apocalypse Pete
bobfree1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:26:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bonus points if the tenant is blind.
NoCapslockMustScream ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:33:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And a step to the riiiiight.
YoshiXIII ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:01:17 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kid Death would go insane.
MarkIsAnAmazingTree ยท 1200 points ยท Posted at 12:17:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Obligatory xkcd
I_DO_JUMPING_JACKS ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 15:12:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Yeah, this doesn't end well for him."
Fucking lost it
MooseMouseMousse ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:24:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't get it
naw1423 ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 16:54:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A society of skeptics usually doesn't believe in ghosts or other supernatural phenomena. This person, head of a society of skeptics, will either believe he has gone insane or will begin to believe in ghosts or other supernatural phenomena. Believing you have gone insane is usually an unpleasant experience, as is sincerely questioning your own deeply-held beliefs.
doogie88 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:44:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did you legit burst out laughing at that?
I_DO_JUMPING_JACKS ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:46:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I did
ImmerDuck ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 15:08:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or just replace their tools with the silent ones. They would just keep trying to use them with no sound and be so confused.
columbus8myhw ยท 72 points ยท Posted at 13:48:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"What -" "Silent hammer. I've made a set of silent tools."
jaggedspoon ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 16:16:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Why?"
"Stealth Carpentry. Breaking into a house at night and moving windows, adjusting walls, ECT."
Also link that goes to actual xkcd comic with alt text
Alt text:
"I bet he'll keep quiet for a couple weeks and then-- wait, did you nail a piece of scrap wood to my antique table a moment ago?"
Smegolas99 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:24:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That link has the same text?
Osric250 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 16:41:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
By alt text they mean the title text.
Randall adds in another joke or comment about the comic as the title of the image, so you can read it by scrolling over it on desktop. So if you're only getting the image you're not quite getting the full comic.
Smegolas99 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:23:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, I'm on mobile
onlyforthisair ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:28:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You might be able to read the alt text if you long press on the image.
Riddle-Tom_Riddle ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:30:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Only on m.xkcd.com.
columbus8myhw ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:50:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Works on iPhones on the normal site.
Riddle-Tom_Riddle ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:34:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Neat. Does it work on the non-mobile version of Dinosaur Comics? Seems like it's something done specifically for the stock Opera browser for iOS.
Nevereatcars ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It does for me. And if you're on the mobile site the alt text is found by clicking on the blue date mark under the last panel.
onlyforthisair ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:37:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nope! Chrome on Android shows alt text when long pressing on an image:
http://9to5google.com/2015/06/30/111605/
http://www.androidpolice.com/2015/07/01/all-the-xkcd-chrome-dev-finally-lets-you-view-the-full-alt-text-of-an-image/
https://www.reddit.com/r/Android/comments/3oaoni/psa_chrome_for_android_now_has_hover_text_just/
Riddle-Tom_Riddle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:09:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well there's my problem; I'm using the stock browser.
jaggedspoon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes.
columbus8myhw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:51:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ec tetera?
jaggedspoon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:55:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I just copied the line.
columbus8myhw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:55:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's "etc.", not "ECT". Etcetera. You switched around the letters (and made it capital for some reason).
jaggedspoon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:58:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh well a mistake is a mistake. Can't change that. We'll both live on with the knowledge of this.
Falkerz ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 12:40:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's a repost of this thread. I was going to post this obligatory XKCD, but you're on the ball.
koleoptero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:31:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Came here for this.
Steggy31 ยท 329 points ยท Posted at 15:00:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
http://i.imgur.com/rfCw5eh.png
yosoyreddito ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 15:14:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck yes, I was surprised this wasn't posted when I first looked at the thread. I was about to post after ctrl+f yielded nothing for pineapple but checked your pic and sure enough greentext.
Steggy31 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 15:17:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This story just kills me haha
yosoyreddito ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 15:19:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It was the first thing that came to mind when I saw the thread. Though it probably didn't, I really want to believe that it actually happened.
Steggy31 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:23:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
People don't just go on the internet and lie, believe in the magic;p
King_of_the_Kobolds ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:41:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do you believe in magic
In a young girl's heart?
whyspir ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:55:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How do you get to the magic? Is this like a dothraki thing where I have to eat her heart?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:45:19 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How the music can free her,
Whenever it starts
VeryMagical ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 18:39:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Good guy yosoyreddito checks he isn't reposting a comment someone already made
MrGofer ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 23:23:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
this reminds me of that dominos morgan freeman guy
http://imgur.com/2HI7itm
(and the last panel)
Steggy31 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:03:43 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Haha god that is amazing
Frankiesaysperhaps ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:01:37 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I nearly peed myself laughing at this. Beautiful.
VibraphoneFuckup ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:23:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I want to believe
whyspir ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:53:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I want this to be true so much.
timmah456 ยท 582 points ยท Posted at 13:43:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Now this one takes dedication since you would be in it for the long haul. Also, this would work best if you pick a house share or student accommodation to break in to.
What you need to bring is milk, that is it. The next step is to re-fill the existing milk in the fridge, assuming they have some. If they don't you can just leave the whole carton you brought with you. Now do this for a long period of time, the longer the better. If it's students then until they're about to move out. Just keep filling up the milk/replacing the carton so it is always in date. Then you stop breaking in, just leave it. They will soon run out of milk for the first time in months or years - depending on your level of dedication. Then they finally ask the other people living there why they stopped buying milk, and then comes the wonderful confusion you've been waiting for and probably won't even get to witness.
Fin.
lycanthrope6950 ยท 153 points ยท Posted at 16:13:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Back in the factory days, one of my grandfather's friends bought a brand new chevy nova, and apparently he wouldn't shut up about how great it's gas mileage was supposed to be. So every day at lunch, his buddies would sneak out to the parking lot and top off the gas tank. They did this for weeks. Car owner guy was loving life, walking with a spring in his step every day. Then, the secret refills stopped. Next thing you know, Nova owner takes the car into the dealership with a complaint about how rapidly it's drinking gas...must be a bad carburetor. Mechanic couldn't find anything wrong, but ultimately the car was traded in for a loss of almost $3,000
jfb1337 ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 21:35:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hate to be that guy
lycanthrope6950 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:44:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Must have been a thing about Novas, damn
Catnap42 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:30:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, did your Grandfather know my Dad? He and some work buddies did this to a guy back in the early 1960's. At that time gas was only 31ยข per gallon. My Dad added that after a few weeks they also started siphoning a gallon a week from the guy's tank. The victim did take his car to a mechanic who found nothing wrong. The guys had to 'fess up before it went any further. In the "factory days" most cars cost under $3,000 brand new.
lycanthrope6950 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:26:36 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What region of the US? And I think the story I got said 70s not 60s, and I definitely feel like siphoning didn't take place
Catnap42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:25:44 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Chicago area. My Dad retired in 1964 so his story had to be in the 60's.
lycanthrope6950 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:29:29 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nope, not at all my neck of the woods. Still a pretty great coincidence though
Catnap42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:49:24 on June 30, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OK. I guess we fall under Kevin Bacon's 6th degree.
dorekk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:57:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man, ouch.
Pizza_Delivery_Dog ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 16:49:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
or constantly place weird food in their shared refridgerator.
"Guys, who bought crocodile meat?"
timmah456 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:09:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Would you actually be able to identify a random meat as crocodile? I imagine it would just look like beef or chicken as every meat seems to be one or the other.
Pizza_Delivery_Dog ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 17:30:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
the packaging
timmah456 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:42:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mix it all up, wasabi smothered pigeon in crocodile meat packaging for maximum confusion - and flavour.
chillylint ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:20:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Use a paper bag, "Dead dove. Do not eat!"
Terminthem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:31:54 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My local supermarket has crocodile green curry and stuff like that.
CaptSmileyPants ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:27:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This one is my favorite, but I feel like for it to go unnoticed you'd have to refill it quite often. Almost after every "initial" use of the milk.
timmah456 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:42:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would expect to re-fill every other night for consistency, it depends entirely on how much time you want to dedicate the cause.
CaptSmileyPants ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:51:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
See if I were to do this I would dedicate a lot of time to it so it really fucks with them.
CokeHeadRob ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:33:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would leave one of those pen audio recorders somewhere in the house on the day I stopped milking them.
IHateChores ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:52:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)
bjacks12 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:53:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd bankrupt you in a couple weeks
timmah456 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:10:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wonder if it would be cheaper to buy a couple cows and make it myself or keep buying it from a store?
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:17:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
createhere ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:29:30 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Here ya go :)
P0sitive_Outlook ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:45:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My colleague always brings M&Ms to work.
The other day, i took one without asking.
Feeling guilty, i got a whole pack to replace the single M i stole.
The original pack was still open on her desk, 1/4 full, so i topped it up.
I'm now going to keep topping it up until she goes mental.
timmah456 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:00:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
After a couple weeks of this you should begin to change up the types of M&Ms you use too.
Edit: Unless she is allergic to peanuts
P0sitive_Outlook ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:02:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I did think of taking out the red ones and only replacing the other colors.
Maybe start putting some Skittles in there, too.
gildedbound ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:35:03 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Skittles will alert her to some sort of interference too soon. Stick to M&Ms for maximum outcome.
WTFIsHonour ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:28:45 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Refill it with M&M's. But put a couple of skittles in there so it'll be an occasional skittle to cause extreme confusion.
P0sitive_Outlook ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:48:11 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your idea of confusion is similar to my idea of perdition.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:46:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
notasrelevant ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:49:55 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not empty. You have to leave just a little bit at the bottom. Enough so it's obvious there's some left, but too little to be useful for anything.
brixk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:47:05 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I like the way you think.
TwistedDrum5 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:20:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Will this spoil?
timmah456 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:57:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
TwistedDrum5 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:39:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If I get down to a half gallon, and you refill it, there is still half older milk. Then if it goes back down to half, and you refill it, we're still at one quarter of the original milk. For me, this would now be three weeks old. If you continue the cycle, then there is always a little bit of the original.
That's what I mean.
Also, this is how they make tootsie rolls. They always break off a little bit and put it in the next batter. So every tootsie roll you eat has a tiny bit of the original mix, or whenever they first started doing this.
timmah456 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:44:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I see where you are coming from here but my intention of mentioning replacing the carton is that all existing milk is replaced with fresh milk.
Didn't know that about tootsie rolls though, also I'm english so I have never had a tootsie roll.
TwistedDrum5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:48:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well I'm American, so of course I just skimmed what you said and didn't read it in detail. My bad!
You've NEVER had one?!
timmah456 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:16:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've never had one, I'm visiting Orlando in August so will make a point to have one then. All for you /u/TwistedDrum5 !
TwistedDrum5 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:39:47 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
RemindMe! 2 months did he like the tootsie roll
TwistedDrum5 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:52:04 on August 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How'd you like them?
timmah456 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:37:45 on August 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well I'm at Disneyworld and haven't seen any at all, but I'll try to buy some at the airport tomorrow...
TwistedDrum5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:59:42 on August 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Haha, they are kind of hard to find!
jfb1337 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:30:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Relevant
JimmerUK ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:41:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me of the magic ketchup bottle prank a redditor played on his wife.
Hang on... here you go
https://m.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/314oc1/tip_my_wife_into_believing_in_magic_that_long_con/
Ace_Tiger_Panzer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:04:06 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me of that one TIFU where a guy made his girlfriend believe in magic for a few weeks
SwordsOfVaul ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:00:39 on June 29, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
awesome.
The sad thing about all these is that you would never be able to be there to witness it
TotalConartist ยท 53 points ยท Posted at 14:35:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Toast all their bread, bagels, etc. Then put them back in their packaging.
AWebDeveloper ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:44:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well fuck.
dorekk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:39:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lol
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:02:16 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You fucking animal
thepervertedromantic ยท 58 points ยท Posted at 17:03:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think this guy won a long time ago
rata2ille ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:44:22 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That was beautiful
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, shit.
themateofmates ยท 22456 points ยท Posted at 12:58:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If the home owner had a Christmas tree they store somewhere when it's not being used throughout the year (the fake ones, not legit trees), I'd get it out, put their decorations on and wrap it in lights. They'll then wake up in the middle of the night or the next morning to a Christmas tree, fully set up. It's June, why is the Christmas tree up? That will confuse them.
They pack it away, still confused, and don't think about it again. That is until the next night.
The next night, you get that damn tree out again, decorate it and put it somewhere else, but this time you place a single present under it. The present is to the home owner with no name saying who it was from. Inside the box is...
Absolutely nothing.
This will continue for a few nights, adding a couple more empty presents each time, further confusing and frustrating them. Until the final night.
The final night, there is but one present under the tree. The box is heavier than usual, so they don't throw it out. Aside from a brick used to give the box some weight, there is only a letter inside.
The letter reads "Come outside, your present is waiting!"
The home owner walks outside and before there eyes is...
All their fucking Halloween decorations covering their house.
ilkikuinthadik ยท 1411 points ยท Posted at 14:28:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Isn't it annoying that for the last 3 nights, someone has broken into our house, and then put up our christmas tree?" "Yeah. Goodnight honey."
blood_bender ยท 735 points ยท Posted at 14:36:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Should we change the locks? Or install an alarm system? Or set up a nanny cam? Or sleep on the couch with a baseball bat?"
"Nah, we have nothing to worry about."
Fuego_Fiero ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 15:58:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"I was raised to believe in Santa, and I just know this is his blessing upon us."
melten006 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 17:39:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Are you serious?"
"For thousands of years people prayed to Vishnu, Brahman and Shiva, to Abraham, the Holy Spirit, and Allah. And what do they have to show for it?
I pray to Santa and I'm good for goodness sakes, and every Christmas I get presents."
LTman86 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:00:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"So what does it mean, now that all our Halloween ornaments are on the lawn?"
"All Hallow's Eve celebrates the day the veil between this world and the next is thin enough to allow spirits to roam the Earth. Clearly the spirits are telling us to give treats instead of tricks to trick-o-treaters."
mightybonk ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 21:45:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Nah, I'm just going to keep knotting up those christmas lights worse and worse for him to untangle. It's cute he thinks he's the one fucking with us."
soberdude ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:44:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, maybe they'll bake us some bread and do the dishes.
PixelonTV ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:02:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"this is fine"
xRetry2x ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:53:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You say that, but when I was fixing cable I had an old woman whose house I went to multiple times. She swore up and down someone was breaking into her house to unplug things and leave. I'm sure she was just getting a bit senile, but she believed it, and still slept.
joopez1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:35:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"What if this is just some really smart kids pulling a prank on us? Next they'll be putting out our Halloween decorations out or maybe worse"
"No, honey, no one's gonna go through the effort to set up all our Halloween decor"
JackAceHole ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:28:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It would be difficult for the burglar to set up a Christmas tree when his foot is caught in a bear trap!
BuyThisVacuum1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:55:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Paranormal Activity made a lot of money off of people doing really dumb things.
"Well, this house is haunted. Guess we will put it on the market in a few months."
IrishHarlow ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:54:02 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That made bust out laughing.
[deleted] ยท 989 points ยท Posted at 14:15:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Those are some really heavy sleeping homeowners.
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 3686 points ยท Posted at 14:41:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think their weight matters
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 15:13:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Doc?
geoben ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:08:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Weight's got nothing to do with it. Is there something wrong with the earths gravitational pull in the future?
Randombrony99 ยท 212 points ยท Posted at 15:28:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, the good ol reddit Weight-aroo
DalisaurusSex ยท 105 points ยท Posted at 15:38:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my fat rolls, I'm going in.
[deleted] ยท 114 points ยท Posted at 15:39:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
OneFifthMoreCool ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 17:27:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
...B-baka.
sourcreamjunkie ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 18:39:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I-it's not like I wanted to smell the sweat under your fat rolls anyway.....
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:45:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's comments like this that make me thankful for the internet's existence.
melten006 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:35:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'll hold it!!!
XFXinfused ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 16:44:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That aroo shit just kept going on for so long my fucking bacon reader app crashed
fireork12 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:44:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It goes all the way back to 2011-ish dude.
And there are at least two new roo's a day.
SleepyDude_ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:26:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my chins I'm going in!
Itsascrnnam ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:49:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my Cheetos, I'm going in!
Mongopwn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:32:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my butter, I'm going in.
TheZachinator ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:45:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my love handles, I'm going in!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:47:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my love handles, I'm going in!
Lazy_Canadian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:52:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my fupa I'm going in!
shoejunk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:55:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my spotted dick, I'm going in!
faqu02x ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:56:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my donut, I'm going in!
JKanine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:56:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my stockings, I'm going in!
Bravoman85 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my scale! I'm going in!
Under_wear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my love handles, I'm going in!
kieko ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:20:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my scale, I'm going in!
Tich02 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:29:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
54 links deep, no end in sight. Send help.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my fat, I'm going in!
Nimtzie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:00:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my salad, I'm going in!
BruceTheUnicorn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:13:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Only after 20+ minutes of links did I realize the meaning of the "hold my [something], I'm going in!" comments. Hold my midnight snack, I'm going back in!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:24:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my Christmas tree, I'm going in!
redtit64 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:33:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my cupcake, I'm going in
The_Plague_Lord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:42:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my christmas tree, i'm going in.
PeterPaul7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:52:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my tree, I'm going in!
sean_sucks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:02:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my foopah, I'm going in
igyigyigy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:04:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my cheeseburger, I'm going in!
Ryuksapple ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:23:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my waistline I'm going in!
dungeon_plastered ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:41:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's been too long since I've seen a good ol' Redditaroo.
superdb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:30:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my scale, I'm going in!
Komotokrill ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:59:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my fat rolls, i'm going in!
that_one_guy567 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:23:51 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my triple-bacon with extra cheese cheeseburger, I'm going in
Carroteer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:54:36 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my fat rolls, I'm going in!
MisterVampire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:07:53 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my Halloween decorations, I'm going in!
ThaDilemma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:26:11 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my high fructose corn syrup, I'm going in!
burtwart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:42:00 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my scale, I'm goin in!
Vengeanceee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:44 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my calories I'm going in!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:44:43 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my scale, I'm goin' in!
DSBPgaming ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:44:01 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my shake weight i'm going in!
Leocollier ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:29:19 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my cake, I'm going in!
blissorcontentment ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:56:48 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It never ends!
my_so_called_life ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:48:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my chub, I'm going in.
TheBoobaloop ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:54:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my Dumbbells, I am going in.
Marsuello ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:59:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my rolls, I'm goin in!
preciouspineapple ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:05:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my diet, I'm going in!
GRIMIGAMING ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:15:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my newtons, i'm going in.
abovethealarms ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:27:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my scales, I'm going in!
MaxDG1013 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 16:13:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
you're my favorite OP ever.
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:47:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
you must not have been here very long then ily2
Natdaprat ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:55:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OP is on fire today! This is a good day.
vaminos ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:19:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit OP, you're on fire!
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:22:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
oh shit someone put it out please
rreighe2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:18:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ohhh dad
ILoveLamp9 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:35:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck off, dad.
B5D55 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:09:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It does actually
wENTtobuyweed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:20:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're killing it today, OP.
TheDeathanimator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dad get out of here
Glorx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:25:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Witty OP. Great day.
Heldvanberoep ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:45:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dad ?
theredjag ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:53:13 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe not, but matter weights.
Hyhena ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:26:06 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Gutted
joe_jon ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:59:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dear diary: today, OP was actually a pretty cool guy.
CutsLikeABuffalo333 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:41:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Burgurder... He burgurdered them in their sleep.. THATS why they wont wake up
BionicCatLady5K ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think it would be smart to drug them so they sleep heavily. Creepy would leave them a prescription for sleep aids with their name on it.
UndeadBread ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:13:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I can absolutely guarantee that someone could do this in my house and set up all of our annoying musical decorations and I wouldn't even stir. And when I finally got up, I would probably assume my wife did it because she got caught up in watching that Christmas In July bullshit on Hallmark Channel.
QueenCameo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:58:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have five cats. If someone broke into our home and put up a Christmas tree, the cursing as they tried to stop three of the cats from leaving them alone and leaving the ornaments alone will wake us up. Kitten will get underfoot because she is one of those, "Can I see?? Can I help?! What can I do?! Let me help!! I need to smell it!!1"
wildboy1486 ยท 6533 points ยท Posted at 14:00:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is really creative way to send someone into a mental breakdown.
moisttoejam ยท 1704 points ยท Posted at 14:19:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
More like a creative way to get shot or arrested.
EDIT: I'm not an American! I live down the road from where this happened.
Fereta ยท 2029 points ยท Posted at 14:31:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The title of the thread begins with "you're a burglar" so I assume that's understood.
moisttoejam ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 14:45:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I can't imagine there are many burglars who successfully burgle the same place on successive nights. Happy cakeday!
Fereta ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 15:02:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Whoa, I didn't even realize! Happy Reddit birthday to me. Thanks, friend.
Amerphose ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:43:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Aww this chain of comments is so warm and fluffy
starwarsfan48 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:08:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Happy cakeday.
Syphiliticc ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 16:06:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck, must have missed the [Serious] tag.
Oh there wasn't one? I guess maybe it wasn't meant to be realistic, then.
slnz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:29:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Much less spending fucking hours to decorate trees and houses
Captain-Obviouss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No u
intensely_human ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:03:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Burglars usually don't keep coming back night after night though.
[deleted] ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 17:28:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
TheYadda ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:16:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or maybe they just in real life would have no idea what the fuck this guy is doing in their homes and just want to protect their family? :/
dyrosto ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:47:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Get out of here with your logic and reasoning.
TheYadda ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:33:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, right, I'm on Reddit, I forgot.
191145throwaway ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:25:23 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was just in this situation. Scary, prepared to the max and mentally as well. Prepared me for my instinctual reaction. Calmest I've ever been in my life and focused. But even with all that, I was no where near prepared for the wave of anxiety and emotion that comes out if no where. I'm a very rational, logical, empathetic, and am the rock for everyone. I don't like showing weakness or getting caught up on things that can't be changed.
I was watching Independence day at the theater and out of fucking nowhere I had a panic attack. Idk wtf why. Then boom , gone.
Sorry for venting, this was under 47 hours ago and I'm still processing
191145throwaway ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:19:46 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was in a self defense situation less than 47 hours ago. I had every legal right to shoot the person who was fighting me to gain further entry into my home. The entire time I had full control of my weapon (door half open, pushing to get him out) I even warned him and he still kept pushing, then runn I ng off after he saw the decision was made in my face/eyes, idk I'm still processing it.
I don't care who you are, you will hesitate in your mind and not want to shoot someone if it's your first time. I feel fine, but have sudden anxiety attacks now. Will get over it but, I never thought the decision that I always thought was pretty easy, would be so difficult to make.
Sorry for venting. I'm having to be the rock for everyone right now.
frinqe ยท 857 points ยท Posted at 14:34:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"what the fuck are you doing with my Christmas tree!?"
"ITS JUST A PRANK"
Ms_Mediocracy ยท 375 points ยท Posted at 14:40:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
HOLIDAYS [GONE SEXUAL]
YVX ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:56:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
MISTLETOE [KISSING PRANK]
bathroomstalin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:04:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always get the most ass on Thanksgiving ๐
Volcanickitty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:34:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like thanksgiving
icecreamkillyou ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:14:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[GUN PULLED]
YouAreCat ยท 159 points ยท Posted at 14:40:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
FTFY
sitingsotong ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:41:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
THE CAMERA IS RIGHT THERE!!
littleottermc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:04:12 on July 10, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
no
Cleath ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 14:47:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
IT'S A JUST A PRANK, BRO!
FTFY
FGHIK ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:41:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
IT'S A JUST A PRANK, A BRO!
FTFY
DJ_Ddawg ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:22:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'M ETHAN BRADBERRY
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:46:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:54:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Does every joke someone makes have to be word for word a repeat of a meme? Are we just reciting lines in a play at this point?
mechanate ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:10:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bro. It's just a prank.
aviewachoo ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:14:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
FTFY, sir.
ToddtheRugerKid ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:31:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I imagine it going like something from Trailer Park Boys. "Hey I'm from the city, just inspecting christmas trees. Do you know Jim?"
hatefulhappy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:09:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It was just a goof
MxM111 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:33:06 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
??
Profit!
jaded_starlight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:54:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It was just a prank, Han!
Atticus248 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:30:24 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was waiting for somebody to say this. Fuck that bitch.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:57:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'M SANTA BRADBERRY
1dontwanna ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:24:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
HAVE A SLAMMIN' CHRISTMAS
backdoorintruder ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:44:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'M ETHAN BRADBERRY
willmaster123 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:52:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I just find it funny that something so common in America has a whole entire Wikipedia page for it when it happens in England.
Cakiery ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:47:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well that depends on the country you are in...
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:58:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd definitely shoot someone with my water gun if they did this to me.
Cakiery ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:10:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's not a surprise party without somebody getting super soaked!
landsharkgun ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:30:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Whaaaa...? Oh. England.
Apokolyptyk ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:28:29 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wow man, I'm glad I can defend myself and my property where I live. That guy didn't deserve prison.
Jacob_exe ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:24:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, you start pulling out the tree and BOOM
shot gun blast to the chest lmao
MartyMcMcFly ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:22:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
... In America.
jaymo89 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:04:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ya... we kinda don't have household guns in Australia; or the rest of the world for that matter.
FGHIK ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 17:43:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's because you're still England's trash can
jaymo89 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:56:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Yeah... that kind of stopped well over a hundred years ago. I'm pretty sure we're in the IMFs good books too.
I make 46 dollars an hour sitting on my arse at work all day yet I hear Americans calling for a 15 dollar an hour minimum wage.
FGHIK ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:22:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I somehow doubt you're working fast food.
Duo34 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:36:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
the prompt says you are a burglar, not a prisoner, and therefore you do not get caught.
devosion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:20:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why not both?
soproductive ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:26:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, pretty sure any normal person would set up a security system after the first night of that.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:40:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait juries don't need to be unanimous
shannigan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:57:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
you are a burglar
191145throwaway ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:08:04 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As someone who just had to fight off a home invasion less than 48 hours ago, is disabled, and had my gun drawn and threatened to shoot, this infuriates me. I'm do happy I live in a state where I can defend my family and prioritize my family's safety over some asshole fighting me to gain further entry.
Legario ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:37:14 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm surprised he got murder. His house was broken into TEN TIMES by a guy who got arrested 29 TIMES and he gets arrested? What kind of stupid backward logic is this? "Retribution for the break ins?" What about self defense? Are you supposed to sit idly by for the 10th time some random men are rummaging through your house?
191145throwaway ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:42:23 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I hear ya. The only reason I can think of for such backwards laws is the fact that people that make them or preach them, have no sense of reality.
Legario ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:49:05 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe it's because I grew up in Southern America, but I'm pretty sure if you look at any point in human history before 1900 nobody would bat an eye if you killed a criminal breaking into your house (barring a royal stealing your shit). I respect life as much as the next guy, but if somebody broke into my house a number of times in the double digits I'd feel scared and paranoid as well. That was completely justified.
marlanfathead ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:49:33 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I am an American. Not a gun toting deusche. Well I don't have a gun. But yeah, you'll get shot here.
Legario ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:35:50 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So, burglars broke into his house and he killed one and got slapped with murder? WTF?
The_Dr_B0B ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:16:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Found the American
Legario ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:35:11 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It happened in England.
The_Dr_B0B ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:50:40 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I made my comment before the edit. This happens frequently in America. That's why I said it.
randyhutton ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:54:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Found the American
Legario ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:35:19 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This happened in England.
randyhutton ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:53:51 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I made the comment before he edited
Legario ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:46:28 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My bad, yo.
adamzep91 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:58:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mattsatterfield1 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:21:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I found the Texan guys.
Acidyo ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:52:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sometimes I forget most redditors are americans.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:26:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
DinoGorillaBearMan ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 16:08:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was gonna say, after the 2nd time I'd just wait up and as soon as he attempted to enter I'd blast him with some hollow points.
WantDiscussion ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 14:39:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Better check for carbon monoxide poisoning
Haroldfish123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Can u give me the link to that post.
WantDiscussion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:34:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sure
CRISPR ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:49:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or invest into a bottom of the line security system.
przyjaciel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:43:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or just getting them to lock their doors.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:47:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
is carbon monoxide
UberMcwinsauce ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:26:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not as good as leaving pineapples everywhere
PigNamedBenis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:15:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting
tigerdrummer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:17:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or think they have a CO leak.
WhizmoAlke ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:36:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Setting up a Christmas tree is enough to send me to a mental breakdown. Shit takes forever
irving47 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:36:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This whole thread is a creative way of detecting pending mental breakdowns.
HiaItsPeter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:54:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well I hope they are smart enough to catch him after the first night. Hope I'm not the only one who would be waiting the goof with a shotgun while rocking in my chair puffing on a blunt.
CallMe_Dig_Baddy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:14:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Like that pineapple guy from 4chan
knockoutking ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:32:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i think i may have had one reading it :( pretty effective.
Ace1999 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:00:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But it's not Groundhogs Day.
Bagpype ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:22:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or get shot in the face.
canarchist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:16:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Christmas-lighting them.
ROO3D ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:50:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, I think pineapples still are better for mental breakdowns
lurkeat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:51:16 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is called gaslighting
tsavoy004 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:00:04 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Can someone please link the 4chan pineapple story
Reasonable_TSM_fan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:14:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When Arbitrary day becomes a horror film.
IROverRated ยท 1434 points ยท Posted at 14:14:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Am I the only one that, after coming downstairs to find the Christmas tree setup fully with all its light, wouldnt just put it away and not think about it?! Sod that I'd be changing my locks
Cantstandyaxo ยท 753 points ยท Posted at 14:21:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And I would so not go outside for a note from someone who had entered my house without my knowledge
[deleted] ยท 477 points ยท Posted at 14:27:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Come outside and look inside the old white
rapeChristmas van. Alone please"martinsky3k ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 14:52:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hehe, classic Santa.
philly_fan_in_chi ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 15:07:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He sleighs me every time!
kosanovskiy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:36:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Elf stuff?
aleczartic_eagleclaw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:25:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ever seen Santa Slay?
Computercomponents ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:30:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Preferably with all your valuables duck taped to your chest aswell, that'd be a real hand.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:45:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Trying to imagine a rape Christmas van.
Is it like Karl's (g)rape van from Workaholics with Christmas lights?
riskol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:42:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But Santa!
Mathlete86 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:46:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But Santa Claus does that every Christmas!
1215drew ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:34:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would be staying up at night with a shotgun waiting to catch the SOB who's breaking into my house.
DabbinDubs ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 01:49:40 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
that's the joke, though.
danniusmaximus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:16:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Some ppl never saw the movie Scream.
notasrelevant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:54:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The next letter:
"Dude, you know I can get in your house... why do you think I need to trick you into coming out?"
Jawbreaker93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:00:12 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You wouldn't have to step outside to see the Halloween decorations. Just look out the window.
Gorfoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:45:35 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, but the decorations would be there no matter how long you waited before going out.
cyprin ยท 182 points ยท Posted at 14:26:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would just assume the tree willed itself into my living room and leave it be. Don't want to piss off a potentially magic tree.
serventofgaben ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:49:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
yeah its an SCP. im going to call the Foundation.
YourTechSupport ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:06:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"The christmas tree in the break room? Don't take it down. that's SCP-N1CK. When one guy kept moving it, he eventually got sixteen kinds of ball cancer. So... don't mess with that tree... leave the tree be."
NicotineGumAddict ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:59:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
the giving tree. if it has presents. it's to show me true selflessness.
intensely_human ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:04:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
all christmas trees are magic tho
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:13:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What if it's a fake tree?
ComradeStrange ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:10:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That is what you would assume?
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:57:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah that's what he just said
DoctorWaluigiTime ยท 394 points ยท Posted at 14:24:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This thread: "People will be befuddled and just assume magic is going on inside their house."
ThundercuntIII ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 16:22:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OP's idea was GREAT, if this was a children's movie.
Life is not a children's movie though. It's an adult illogical fuckfest.
NicotineGumAddict ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:58:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
this is the best explanation of adult existence I've ever read. the philosophy books should all say this. "there's no meaning at all bc it's all just one long illogical fuckfest!" - Camus, Sartre, Nietzsche, Kierkegaard, Hume, Kant, and Plato.
bmacc ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:43:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hrmph? That's curious. Honey, take care of this, we have reservations.
Fireproofjeans ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:36:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I could see some of the more fanatic bible belt christians assuming this is a message from god, right up until the halloween decorations.
roomandcoke ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 14:49:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"OH NOOO, NOT GOD, IT'S FROM THE OTHER GUY!!!!"
mrlint ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:51:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go into the light Carol Ann
Zardif ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:55:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would honestly some carbon monoxide poisoning.
corruptcake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:47:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
IT IS MAGIC LEAVE US ALONE
philly_fan_in_chi ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 15:08:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not only magic. Could also be aliens.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 14:41:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
IROverRated ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:33:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like the next Home Alone might be a bit more interesting
VladimirPootietang ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:25:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
xmas decorations up means you get a gun, everybody knows that
raivetica20 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:42:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Also I'm lazy so I'd probably end up leaving it out for two months and then deciding to just leave it out until Christmas at that point. Thanks for the help I guess.
RedditsInBed2 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:11:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I hate putting the damn thing away only once a year, I'd just shrug, "Guess that's staying up until Jan. 1st."
meekamunz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:14:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think I could be arsed to put it away
Von_Miller ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:02:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah I wouldn't be confused thinking I put up the decorations. I would immediately think someone had broken in and messed with my stuff.
cman_yall ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:14:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And check your carbon monoxide levels.
inagadda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:44:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just take a puff and play along, man. http://imgur.com/uyi6dgt
Rianne764 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:50:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What are you gonna do about it? Call the police? If you're white they'll say that's why you have a christmas tree up in June. If you're black you better prepare your funeral before you go to them.
dalalphabet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:23:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
See, I was agreeing with the first sentence, but mostly because I'd be like, goddammit that's going to take me half the day to take down. Fuck it, it's Christmas now.
PM_ME_FUN_STORIES ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:51:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I mean. I probably would change the locks, but fuck if I'm putting away the tree. Those things take forever to get it back in their boxes, no way in hell am I doing that more than once a year. It'll just have to be Christmas season for the next 6 months.
AkariAkaza ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:58:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Day six, the burglar breaks in, goes for the box with the Christmas tree in it. Lugs it all the way downstairs and then opens it to find you with a shotgun waiting for him
Dawgpdr07 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:15:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just changing the locks wouldn't help unless they got in with a key or you went with high security locks. Even then, how secure are your windows?
isthisyourghost ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:48:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would definitely assume it was ghosts. I don't even believe in ghosts and that would be my immediate assumption, especially after it happened multiple times.
walkingcarpet23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:19:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd certainly consider changing the locks, but honestly I'm too lazy to put it away.
Jokes on OP, he just saved me some work a few months in advance
C413B7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:57:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Also I'd be too lazy or too busy changing the locks to put the Christmas tree away. Making their job easyer the next night.
wimpymist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:58:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would just assume I never took it down In the first place. I regularly leave my tree up until February
BoxofWhine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:56:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would just leave it out honestly. Lot of work to put it up...
thek2kid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:57:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And I think after it happening a second time, I would be waiting downstairs for the 3rd.
gelinrefira ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:43:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think we are assuming that you are very good at breaking into houses.
Soperos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:33:17 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sod?
IROverRated ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:38:36 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
British word :)
Soperos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:22:36 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've heard sodding but it doesn't fit this context. What does it mean?
Johnappleseed4 ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 14:09:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is amazing. If the person lived alone, I think they'd genuinely lose their mind.
Daggertrout ยท 51 points ยท Posted at 14:27:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Could have carbon monoxide poisoning.
Chicken-Mcfuckit ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 14:49:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hey I understand this reference!
QueenCameo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:55:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Me too! I remember that story, poor fella.
fireork12 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:46:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He came out okay
Hormah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:04:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
God damn that's an old/obscure reference.
Von_Miller ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:03:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or more likely, that someone broke in, which would be true.
Oprahs_snatch ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 13:52:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I love this.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:30:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I love you!
SJ_RED ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:35:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Now kith.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
kiths
Yoshi_IX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:56:19 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
<3
secret3332 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:25:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought it was gonna end with
"A NEW CAR!!!"
delphinewhale ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:28:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would freak out the first morning but I would still be too lazy to put the tree away.
leaky_wand ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:33:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah after the first night a Christmas tree spontaneously reassembles in my living room I am going to buy a camera, if for no other reason than to watch a fucking Christmas tree spontaneously reassemble
imamydesk ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:39:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This would be hilarious if the home owner is also a gun owner.
brvico ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:14:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This was beautiful
mrcool998 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:19:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Should include a thanksgiving dinner on their dining table at one point
doorkn00b ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:25:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Even better: Find a grocery list or something else written by the owner of the house. Emulate their own handwriting on the notes.
MakeYogurtGreekAgain ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:44:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds absolutely fucking hilarious. But probably only because it's not happening to me.
TopCommentOfTheDay ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:23:40 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This comment was the top comment of the day on June 26th 2016!
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anaesthetic ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:35:45 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is essentially the holiday decor version of "Orange you glad I'm not banana"
sweenzs ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:38:24 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This made me laugh so hard I cried. Reasons you shouldn't read reddit at work.
MyCardboardSword ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:30:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thinking about this for awhile, have we?
SporadicSheep ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:37:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think they'd sit and wait for you after the second time.
AwkwardRainbow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:41:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think after night 2 I would have called the police.
hefebaker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:42:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This made me laugh
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:44:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I could never do this to someone. I would rather die than decorate another x-mass tree.
JangoDarkSaber ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:45:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Too creepy for /r/creepy
6xydragon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:46:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ha ha! Can put my tree up....because it already is!......i have a weird f Roommate.
luchomellera ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:46:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That dude is pretty good at sleeping
Mcompledepayas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:48:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Middle of July....close enough. I'd just leave it up. I don't even take mine down 'til February anyway, because it's such a cumbersome pain in the butt.
ShinyShovel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That is dastardly and I love it
heatherb14 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have a 12 foot tree. Go ahead. Yeah it's 6 months early, but you just saved me the mental breakdown I'd have come Dec.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:57:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If I woke up in the middle of June and found my Christmas tree in my living room, I would just assume that I never put it away and didn't notice for 6 months.
ZippoS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:58:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Those are some heavy sleepers living in that house.
Enth3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:03:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Alright ender take it back a notch :/
wangmince ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:07:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
R/writingprompts
skelebone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:09:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Half-Christmas, duh!
Oh, that reminds me, since today is the 26th, I need to see if there are any half-Christmas sales going on.
Redbeardeddevil ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:09:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or steal from a neighbor's house and wrap up the items, then place them under the tree. But do the same at both houses.
CharlieFuckingDay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:09:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Workaholics got this halfway right.
RedditsInBed2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:10:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I saved you some time Mr. Burglar, it's prelit. Happy Holidays!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:11:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Still better than the movie "Krampus"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:13:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You keep setting up the tree until it's actually Christmas time, and then of course you start taking it down and putting it back in the attic.
zpowell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:14:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jeesh, this family needs some new locks.
ginger_vampire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:19:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm getting frustrated just thinking about it.
candylumps ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:20:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How much do you charge per hour to do this? I'm willing to pay a lot of money for someone to do this to my brother. Also, do you take bitcoin?
Crewbrooke ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:26:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think I'll just do this in my own house
KoningKorky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:27:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Imagine the guy calling the cops after day one. They'll probably go get tested for mental health problems.
benisnotapalindrome ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:32:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've been working too much and not sleeping enough lately. I got off the train on Friday and the bar right by the stop had put up its tree and Christmas decorations. I thought I was going crazy until I remembered it was exactly halfway until Christmas Eve on Friday. This story is only tangentially related.
not_a_cool_name ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:36:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They need to check their carbon monoxide detector
plus4dbu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jokes on you, we leave the Christmas tree up year-round.
Mikeymanguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:41:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't realize Satan walked this earth.
JesusLostHisiPhone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:41:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jokes on you. I'm a lazy bachelor, my Christmas and Halloween decorations are still up
oodsigma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:47:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Day 4, put up a menorah.
gist864 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:50:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You couldn't do it every night they would start setting traps or waiting . You would have to space it out.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:51:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The last sentence.. I can't stop laughing..
alu_pahrata ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:52:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I WROTE A STORY ABOUT THIS JUST NOW HERE YA GO.
The 12 Days of July
Day 1 July, the month of Hot Dogs, Fireworks and Swimming. There was not a flake of snow all across the United States of America.
So why the fuck was my christmas tree set up in the middle of my fucking living room?
My christmas tree was a small fake tree. Standing at about 3 feet tall. With enough space at the bottom for a few gifts, and there was one perfectly wrapped box at the bottom. I opened it up to find an empty box. Oh well.
Did I do this in a drunken fit of spontaneous action? I asked myself as I walked over to my fridge to confirm my actions. Apparently not. Seeing as how only 2 beers were missing.
Iโm not going to think about it anymore, might as well take it down.
Day 2
Why is it here again? I swear on all that is fucking holy I did not get drunk last night. So why the fuck is my tree here again? 2 empty boxes this time.
Am I going insane? Have I already become insane? Should I tell someone?
Day 5
For the last 5 days someone has been tormenting me. Leaving one extra box the next day. Tonight I intend to guard the front door of my house with my rifle and a cup of joe.
I have indeed confirmed that I am not going insane, How? Someone must have knocked over a photo of my father on top of the coffee table, When I woke up I found flat on the table.
I will catch this thief today. I absolutely will.
Day 6 apparently I fell asleep last night while on guard. I woke up today, unfortunately, to find my christmas tree set up with 6 empty boxes underneath it.
Goddamnit I will catch this burglar once and for all.
Day 11 I can't tell anyone what is going on. 11 boxes today. They seem to be adding up by day. I have changed the locks. Stayed on guard both day 5 and 8. But to no avail. I keep falling asleep. If I tell anyone what is going on, they will throw my in the loony bin for sure.
Day 12 Today I found just 1 box under the tree. It seemed a bit heavy, when I opened it I found some brick and a letter laying on top. Finally, something from my mysterious visitor.
โLook outside.โ Was the only thing it said. I dropped the letter and dashed over to the window. I opened the blinds to see a fake skeleton hanging from my tree by a noose.
Oh god no.
I ran to my front door and slammed it open, triggering the proximity based gravestone that I use for Halloween.
My entire yard was decorated in halloween decorations.
Not one corner was left untouched.
I slowly walked back into my house not bothering with the door. I walked over to my phonebook in a vain attempt to contact my psychiatrist.
So how did I do? I don't usually write that often, but this seemed to spark something within me.
robinthehood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:53:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
First World Problems. Scariest thing we can think of is out of season decorations.
thearguablepear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:56:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have a feeling that you've been thinking about this for a long time...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:00:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like the script for The Conjouring 3
FuuuuuManChu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:03:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
like i would go back to sleep the night after someone or something fucked with my Christmas decorations during the night.
Floops_schanoops ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:05:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Diabolical
Von_Miller ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:05:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I like the idea of this one, but it's not subtle enough. It would be obvious someone or a friend broke in and messed with your stuff. I don't think this would cause anyone to lose their mind unless they were already insane.
Acorbo22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:07:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So what if after night one they were just like, "Fuck it, it's staying up, I've always wanted a Christmas tree up in June."
Raise_Uplights ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:11:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
except by the second night they would be sitting down there with a gun waiting
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:13:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's nobody who would shrug off their christmas tree being set up like that.
NMO ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:17:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's like gaslighting someone with Christmas decorations.
So, christmaslighting then?!?
outsitting ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:19:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The fallout if there are kids in the house - you wake up to your kids jumping and yelling on the bed wanting to know when Santa will be there.
ThundercuntIII ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That doesn't make sense tho, they'd think they had a home invasion by crazies, which would be correct
clg82 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:23:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like this is such an elaborate story that you've thought about this before? Which isโฆwellโฆawesome!!!
khat96 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you did this to my house, then the halloween decoration part would take some time. My dad has homemade gravestones, a fence he made, a skeleton wrapped in half melted saran wrap and painted with wood varnish (looks like decomposed flesh), webs, a homemade lil goblin dude, Napoleon Boneyparts (a little skeleton), a system that makes lightening and thunder (speakers rigged to a light box), and a fog system with home made chillers. If you could set all that shit up and not lose track of all the extension cords, he'd probably just laugh.
svmk1987 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:27:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We're talking about confuse and annoy, not descending them into madness.
Latifire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The light bills!!
citawin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But it's all foiled because the home owner is a lazy cunt and doesn't care to take it down.
cool12y ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:35:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You should also install Carbon Monoxide Detectors, to really fuck with their minds.
TheLightingGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:36:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/u/dwleonard I'm doing this shit to you when you get a house. Good luck with the HOA.
Arachnatron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:38:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Uh, well... ... no.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:39:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you want to do "creepy as fuck" instead of comedy....first time box has nothing in it.
Next time the box has a picture of their house from outside, Christmas tree lit up in the window.
Next time the picture is of their entry way...
Living room....kitchen....bathroom...outside their closed bedroom door.....
Squidguy83 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:41:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I want someone to turn this into a shortfilm.
riptide747 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:43:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like they would just stay up all night after the second time
TesNaught ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:46:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Better yet, space out putting up the tree and take things they already own for the gifts! Like they're favorite mug or car keys. They spend a day or so looking for it only to receive it as a gift
clicktoaddtitle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
*their eyes
solusipses ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jokes on you it will take me a month or two before I bother putting the tree away again.
PurpleHue82 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That would take some dedication. I hate decorating once a year.
ADTR7410 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:00:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is probably my favorite comment on Reddit. I fucking lost it.
MAADcitykid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:02:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I vote for u
SwoodPotatoChopper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Joke's on you, we still have our christmas tree up
gymgal19 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:15:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Found Satan
gk3coloursred ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:17:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
On one of those occasions, use a real tree.
angry_badger32 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:20:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Calm down there, Satan.
grenade4less ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:32:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wish I had gold to give you.
chiaros ยท 1144 points ยท Posted at 13:46:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Update every computer in their house to Windows 10.
raugturi ยท 1000 points ยท Posted at 14:29:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Too late, Microsoft beat you to it.
[deleted] ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 15:02:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You suuurrreee is was Microsoft all this time?
LordEpsilonX ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 15:14:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
230 million people had weird burglars break into their houses...
rreighe2 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:24:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I mean it's not impossible.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:43:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
TheMuffinguy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:11:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Holy meta.
rreighe2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:38:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Meta Christ this is a deep thread.
Brandon4466 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:46:49 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like if anybody could pull it off, it'd be Microsoft
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:09:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
shlam16 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:04:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or Windows 7 if you just turn off auto-updates.
spirito_santo ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:40:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He said all computers. I assume macs are included
ferrarilover102899 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:03:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Boot Camp with a 95% windows partition
jfb1337 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:04:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Of Windows 95
SURPRISE_MY_INBOX ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 16:21:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, I was watching Game of Thrones (the "Hold the Door" episode) when my laptop decided that the climactic scene at the end of the episode was the prime opportunity to update to Windows 10. It took two days for the damn thing to "update" and then I finally got to finish the episode. I've never been so pissed off at a piece of technology.
raugturi ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:19:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You should be able to sue for at least a couple million in emotional damages, especially if you saw spoilers.
aperson7697 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:54:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Downgrade to vista!
vatrat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:06:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
#TooSoon
mike413 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:48:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And now they randomly break into your computer and rearrange things. and they're watching...
SJVellenga ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:30:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No they d
shlam16 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:04:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Both of my PC's use Windows 7 and neither of them auto-updated to Windows 10.
First thing I do when I get a new PC is turn off auto-updates.
ThisIsMyUserdean ยท 109 points ยท Posted at 14:12:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unforgivable.
FGHIK ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:46:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This means WAR!
MAADcitykid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:13:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is it really though
tacojohn48 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 14:43:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I already have. Works fine for me, but I've seen other older computers have trouble with it.
cayoloco ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:23:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My only real issue with it, is then when I close my laptop, it puts it to sleep ( typical I know, but keep following) and to wake it up, I open it and just tap the space-bar. It wakes up, then goes immediately back to sleep, but only most of the time, sometimes it actually stays on. It's so frustrating and annoying, I just woke you up, why won't you stay up you asshat. Then I gotta wait 15 seconds and talk the space-bar again. First world problems I know, but shit is it annoying.
Dawidko1200 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:06:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Better yet, replace all Windows with MacOS, and all MacOS with Windows.
ilkikuinthadik ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 14:35:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Confuse and annoy, not bereave
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:20:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No no no...install Windows ME.
JOHN_SNOWS_COCK ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:27:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pls no!!!!
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:05:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Vista?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:16:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Microsoft Bob
Lonely_Kobold ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:14:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Install Windows 98 then.
syntheseiser ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:37:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Microsoft already does this though.
TomStrange76 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:27:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You Bastard.
mooncricket18 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:30:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Found satan
DapperChewie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:31:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Easy there satan
kirbyderwood ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:09:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
.... including the MacBooks.
khat96 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:29:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bonus if they have Macs
owleaf ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:36:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Even if they have Macs. Extra fun.
bplboston17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:48:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
and do google searches they would not be happy with lol..
enormuschwanzstucker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:37:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oooh, diabolical
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:52:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Even their Macs.
Camreth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:14:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Alternative, "upgrade" every computer to Windows ME.
tossit22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace it with Windows ME or Vista.
Gnmar2723 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:45:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
An absolute monster
Hey_-_-_Zeus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:34:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
YOU MONSTER
TheSmashPosterGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:41:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It says confuse or annoy, not spy and cheat.
StaticMeshMover ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:44:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've had a password on my computer for basically no reason for a while now. Was thinking of taking it off to save me 5 seconds everyday. I will no longer be able to ever remove my password. You monster.
lapotatoe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You are a monster.
Modern_Tradition ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:03:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just spent several hours trying to figure out how to Get past the Infinite Loop Startup Repair Failing.
Ended up factory resetting to Win8.
Windows 10 Sucks.
bravo90 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:11:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You sick bastard
whateverisfree ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:02:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Even the Macs.
chiaros ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:38:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Boot camp. New partition . Gateway for Satan
Epos2000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:19:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You went too far, this is inexcusable, go sit in the corner and think about what you've done
river4823 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:13:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Good luck doing that to my MacBook Pro.
sevateem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:59:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ffs just run 10 already it's good
chiaros ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:03:39 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I run Google ultron these days. It handles all my background Facebook widgets and let's me play my x box games with fully uncompressed pixels.
zanep0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:24:28 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This wouldn't annoy me, I'd fucking hunt you down and kill you.
Kid_Muon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:08:06 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Install new hard drive. Install any Linux distro you want Auto run a Script that selects a random number. If even load Windows 10 If odd load Mac OS Leave a number for any PC tech to call so you can fill them in on the joke. Techs then claim they have no idea what's wrong. Repeat with each additional new computer.
TastelessDonut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:04:23 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or better back date everything to Windows 95'
BuzzWeedle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:33:57 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're stealing their sanity and time.
cyncantspell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:12:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You monster.
Kim_Jong_OON ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 14:45:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hah, the Pirated 8.1 I have install doesn't have the correct drivers for the laptop. Nor do they exist for anything above 7. I'm actually kinda confused how it's running 8. Help. And Good luck.
dagsaroni ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 15:01:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have Mac
LordEpsilonX ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:14:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have Cheese
RedditsInBed2 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 15:18:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No! NO! My PC did this to me a couple weeks ago and it's been a nightmare. "Oh, what's this thing you call a wireless internet adapater? I'm just going to not recognize it. And freeze all the windows that pertain to it so you can't even troubleshoot it. Enjoy Windows 10!"
Bblawrence ยท 229 points ยท Posted at 12:33:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Microwave some fish
raistlinblack ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 15:51:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My daughter accidentally microwaved ramen with out water. Worse than burnt hair!
olivias_bulge ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:18:03 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What if its 90s justin timberlake? Does it smell as bad as burnt ramen? Homie got hair styling tips from Mr Noodle.
Placentapede419 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:38:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I did this with rice once. The package said 2 1/2 cups of water so instead of two AND a half cups I filled up the half cup up with water twice and put it in. I came out of my room to see smoke billowing out of the microwave and my brother sitting on the couch not noticing shit. The apartment smelled like burnt shit until we left
emboar11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:48:03 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You think burnt hair is bad? You'll love hair cake. [VERY NSFW]
Atarka-WorldRender ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:31:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Satan pls
mooncricket18 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:26:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave trimmings in a small bag hidden under the sink
tankgirl85 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:42:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You monster.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:25:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
45 minutes should do it.
mike413 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:45:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ok, that reminds me of high school. There was a radiator in one of the stairwells and one winter day when it was toasty warm, some kid pissed on it. aromatic!
BritneySmears ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:13:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lady at work did this once. Entire office stank for days.
Hagathorthegr8 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:17:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You bastard!
keytar_gyro ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:18:19 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
http://youtube.com/watch?v=OG9EDE_bnws
Bblawrence ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:42:41 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did the same thing to a buddy's office (minus the shoot out) who went on a 2-week honeymoon.
laterdude ยท 365 points ยท Posted at 12:48:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I put the chapstick and nail clippers in the key drawer.
They'll be shocked they can actually find both for a change.
evilweirdo ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 14:30:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Can you burgle my household and put some pens in there?
melten006 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:42:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wouldn't it be easier to do it yourself?
But if he's doing your house could you send him my way after?
mentaljewelry ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:26:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Also the sunglasses and gum. That's always where I think they are, but they're never in there.
evilweirdo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:13:43 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe the scissors too. People keep on moving those.
Some AA batteries, maybe?
Come to think of it, I think I see why I'm having this problem.
ShaneDAWS0N ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 15:15:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Can you go into more detail about this key drawer? Asking for a friend.
Nyrb ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 16:25:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Key drawer?
sintyre ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:10:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This would be detrimental. My wife has never put anything back in its spot, and it used to drive me nuts. It still does but it used to too, only now I've accepted it. There are two places a thing could be after she's used it: On or in her desk / her area, or in the exact opposite place of where it should be. If I can't find it on her desk I think "where should this thing not be?" And I usually find it there. Never once have I thought "I'll check where its supposed to be" because that would be a wasted effort. If you put the nail clippers back in the key drawer, I'd never find them.
NoDoThis ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:42:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What's a key drawer?
laterdude ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:44:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's the drawer in the kitchen where you keep the keys and change.
NoDoThis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:47:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh. In the kitchen? Is this a European thing?
laterdude ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:49:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nope, I'm an American. It's just the way my family always did things.
NoDoThis ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:06:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh interesting. We always had some kind of shelf or table near the door to put keys and stuff on. Til :)
gildedbound ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:43:33 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Also called a "junk drawer". My family fills up the junk drawer with all of the little miscellaneous things that dont have a place. Extra furniture pads, paper clips, stickers left over from garage sales, erasers that made it through our time in school, tape, rubber bands, and more. It was super hard to find anything for my family.
NoDoThis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:52:44 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Junk drawers I'm familiar with, just never used it for keys 'cause I'd never find them again, lol
odie4evr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:14:38 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's just a pile of keys around a dish where the keys are supposed to go.
AutonomyForbidden ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:24:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put nail clippings in the chapstick.
andwhyshouldi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:02:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do this often?
ncnotebook ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:06:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
?
andwhyshouldi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:27:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry, just noticed the grammar of it and thought it was funny.
"I put" not "I'd" or "I would" makes it seem like they've done the action before.
paraworldblue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:59:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
and like.. 10 lighters
MadDogFenby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:30:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Key drawer?
fallopianfuck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:31:27 on July 1, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
then youd have to find it first
[deleted] ยท 349 points ยท Posted at 12:16:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
highlydoubtthat ยท 96 points ยท Posted at 13:31:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I did that with the first RC TV we ever got. My older brother didn't know it was RC. So I stood outside the window and changed the chanel every 45 seconds. I would also turn the volume up and down randomly to where he would have to get up and fix the volume. The giggles finally gave me away.
Wilreadit ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:34:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Better still, connect their remote to an IED
fourthchan ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:00:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Better still, connect their remote to an IUD
highlydoubtthat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:19:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Better still, connect their remote to the DOD.
ask_me_if_Im_lying ยท 250 points ยท Posted at 12:57:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or to be more subtle, when you sneak in late at night you turn the volume on the TV up to full so that when they turn it on in the morning it blasts at them.
FlyingSpaceDuck ยท 68 points ยท Posted at 13:17:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But how would you turn it up to full without waking them up?
[deleted] ยท 103 points ยท Posted at 13:23:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
pinotpie ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 14:23:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Set it to PC, turn volume all the way up, mute, turn to TV, wait for that one second break between commercials, unmute and quickly turn off TV. Have done this before at neighbors house :)
Sinjun13 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:18:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know how many TVs are like this, but with mine, you could skip the last part. If I mute my TV, then turn it off, it's not muted when I turn it back on - it's at whatever volume it was last set to.
And now I'm suddenly afraid one of you bastards is going to find out where I live.
LTman86 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:06:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We would never! Don't you know that we care about you too much to do something like that? I mean, just the other day, I helped picked up a package for you and just need to bring it over. It's just that I had your address on my phone and it was stolen the other day so could you send me your address again so I can get that to you?
Sinjun13 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:20:35 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, thank you! Address is:
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW, Washington, DC.
The gate's kind of tough to get open, so don't mind it. Just hop the fence and head across the lawn. Might want to run, it's a very big lawn.
Kim_Jong_OON ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:39:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're evil
SoulWager ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:47:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a universal remote, find someone that mutes commercials, start unmuting commercials, but not unmuting the actual show. People will be pissed, and think the TV manufacturer is taking bribes from the advertisers.
Unfortunately this might have worked better 15 years ago.
Undercover_NSA-Agent ยท 53 points ยท Posted at 13:22:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Some televisions, like mine, let you adjust the volume while it's muted.
kenba2099 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 14:29:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Whenever my TV is on mute, I can put the volume down as much as I like. But if I hit volume up, the muting ends. It's been this way through multiple TVs.
TheWhiteCuban ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 15:14:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just turn the remote upside down, then when you press volume down, the tv will register it as a volume up press
SergeantKoopa ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:29:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/ShittyTechSupport
MissingFucks ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:42:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is why Cubans are the best ITers.
Meecheck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is this some sort of meme or am I getting a Deja vu?
Undercover_NSA-Agent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If it was a meme it was unintentional.
stay_sweet ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 13:45:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch to A/V. Volume to the max, switch back to regular channels, quickly turn TV off
AmericanFromAsia ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:26:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or just leave it on A/V so they have to switch it every time
IWasBilbo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:35:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plug in an aux cable
Nyrb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:28:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put a headphone jack with the headphones removed into it.
rubydrops ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:17:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I might be wrong but I remember a time you can do that when the TV is off...
Hyperly_Passive ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:35:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If the tv is connected to speakers, you could unplug them, turn the volume up, turn the tv off, and plug the seakers back in
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:19:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mute button.
AustinTxTeacher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:25:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Assuming a headphone plug would switch off the internal speakers, just bring some earbuds or a plug only and insert that while the tv is on.
benderisgreat356789 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Keep the tv box off. Turn on only the TV and ramp it up
Source: just did this
Maximus_Sillius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:21:24 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Play a DVD, put on pause ... adjust sound.
doradiamond ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:29:14 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put it on mute then turn the volume up?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:21:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In old cars you could do that to people's radios while the car was off.
BMGPmusicisbad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:41:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change it to the adult channel first then do that.
harassment ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:31:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or get a universal tv remote and change he channel occasionally everytime they are watching TV
dorekk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:58:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Joke is on you, my receiver will automatically lower the volume when turned on!
chippinganimal ยท 64 points ยท Posted at 13:33:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
On most android phones, you can do that with an app called Peel Smart remote. My galaxy s5 has an IR blaster, and i may or may not have used it to change everyones tv to the Mexico Movie channel.
davidshutter ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 16:55:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I use mine at the pub every week to slowly drop the volume on the TV while the football is on. I join in with people complaining about it to deflect any suspicions, but I just do it because I can't stand football... or football fans.
b4ux1t3 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:14:55 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Then why go to the pub when the game is on?
SheeEttin ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:12:48 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you don't follow football, you don't know when the game is on.
b4ux1t3 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:15:16 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fair point.
davidshutter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:02:44 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's the weekend in England... there's always football on.
Marksman79 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hahahaha
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:25:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in high school, I owned a Palm Pilot that had an IR blaster. One summer we went to Six Flags and while we were standing in line for a coaster, they had all these TVs playing ads for stuff in the park. I changed the channel to a baseball game and the crowd went nuts.
DapperChewie ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:18:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sadly the S7 doesn't have the IR blaster in it. Stupid technology...
CaptMercaptan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Damnit! Looks like I'll be holding onto my s5 a little while longer
DapperChewie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:04:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I use my old phone for it, but most of the time I'll just use the actual remote. It's just kind of a pain in the ass to have my old phone there and charged.
mudpiratej ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:31:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Does it not have a standard remote stock app? The G3, 4, V10, and 5 all have a stock remote app.
chippinganimal ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:59:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Samsung phones come with Peel smart remote.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:30:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[removed]
DualPhaseSaber ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:39:09 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What smart watch has an IR blaster?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:40:05 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[removed]
DualPhaseSaber ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:43:43 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Huh, cool. Thanks.
northrupthebandgeek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:15:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I use my IR blaster all the time to change the channels on things like hospital lobby TVs.
saxmonster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:40:52 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's the only thing I miss about my s5, is the IR blaster. My best memory of using that was at the dining hall of my university, there were TVs on the wall. I was looking at a TV across the room that some guys were sitting under, and I saw they changed the channel. That's when I got the idea I should mess with them and change it back. This went back and forth between us for a couple minutes. They were laughing and looking around trying to figure out who it was. After a while, I ended and aknowleged it was me by waving and holding up my phone when they were looking my direction.
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 12:23:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe add a decoy remote with only half the batteries in it? That's multiple levels of confusion
PM_ME_YOUR_STOCKINS ยท 50 points ยท Posted at 14:01:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't forget the tootsie rolls
-GeneralDerp- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:29:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No no, put all the batteries in but have them all be dead
sl1msn1per ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:24:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's a similar example to this in Steve Wozniak's biography where he made a device which could interfere with the TV signal.
He'd go to a community TV room and turn the device on, and then when people started doing random things with the aerial he would turn the device off. Over time everyone started doing weird rituals to get the TV signal working.
awesomecutepandas ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:47:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We used to do this a lot back at my hometown neighborhood. We bought a universal remote and would stay outside some random person's house. Then we would switch the channel and watch them make a freaked-out-confused face.
DapperChewie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:17:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You can use a phone with an IR blaster to do this without even breaking in.
ianrobbie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:25:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, just download an app on your phone and change the channels on their set top box to stuff like Gospel if they're atheist, Gay chat if they're homophobic or just straight up Porn.
goggle_pocket ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:37:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A friend of mine did something similar. His family recently got an Apple TV thing, which he connected his phone to. His sister didn't realize she should hook her phone up to it, and was just using the remote. Upon realizing that his sister didn't know people could control the TV with their phones, he started randomly changing the channel on her from his room. She was convinced the house was haunted. Actually, as far as I know, this still happens. She might still think their house is haunted.
brokenstep ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:39:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You can get an IR blaster for pretty cheap. Put one hidden underneath his couch or something and change the TV channels from anywhere.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:43:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have actually had a few cases of this happening - my wife and I watching TV when suddenly the volume drops or the channel changes.
I have no idea why this happens but it's been going on for years now, so either someone is awesome at the long game, or we have random IR in our house?
NooMoahk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:12:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Any close neighbors with the same brand of TV?
thirstisr34l ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:16:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to have a universal remote and neighbors living in close proximity. Oh the joy.
BionicCatLady5K ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:53:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or get a good universal remote and then change the channel while they are home.
Shmalexia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was about 15 my brother did this, to add he also fucked with the volume, and powered it off. He would wait until i sat back down and do something else. Went on for about 30 minutes until I ran outside crying thinking my house was possessed and quickly tripped over his laughing ass holding the remote on our front porch.
Heatherkakes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:47:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One night, I went to bed, and my husband was still watching.... I think it was Bob's Burgers in the living room. I was having trouble sleeping, so I decided to mess with him. I connected to the chromecast with my phone, and rewinded the program by 10 seconds every 20 to 30 seconds. It took him about five minutes to realize it was me, and not the internet lagging.
I laughed about that for days.
plasmaflare34 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:49:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Get a universal remote app on your phone. A good one tells you when it connects. I do it all the tine as im walking around the neighborhood.
CharlesDickensABox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The other day I found out that my neighbor has a bluetooth speaker that anyone can connect to. Guess who got woken up by Rick Astley that morning.
Trust_Me_Im_Right ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:08:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If yo have optimum you can download the app and do this. Did it to my parents friends on NYE, the confusion was hilarious
PantheraLupus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:34:55 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Even better, don't steal the remote. Use a smart phone app to mess with the telly instead. They'd be even more confused.
Grjaryau ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:51:04 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We used to do stuff like that to mess with our kids. It's all fun and games until you switch cartoons with ghost hunters and they have to sleep in your bed for 2 weeks.
instrun3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:52:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Found the Brit
drowning_in_anxiety ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:25:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And use of the word garden when they probably mean lawn.
Mike_Savage_Ledger ยท 362 points ยท Posted at 12:11:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave dane cook CD's around
[deleted] ยท 238 points ยท Posted at 12:34:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Funny enough he has a joke about this very subject that's not awful, you bust down the door but don't steal anything you just make them wonder what you took.
Mike_Savage_Ledger ยท 66 points ยท Posted at 12:34:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And he rips down the beads at the end. Was a big fan of him when i was younger
[deleted] ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 13:44:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I did my best, I did my fucking best!
Arsid ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 14:38:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you happy door kicker?! I want a divorce because of you!
ShaneDAWS0N ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 15:11:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ahh, nothing seems to be missing but there is a lava lamp here..
JonSnowsBedwarmer ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 15:51:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You don't wear your favourite shirt to a B&E, you wear your second favourite shirt, ya dunce!
Elliephant51 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:04:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bacon and Eggs? That sound's fucking delicious!
JonSnowsBedwarmer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:20:21 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Who doesn't want a bacon and eggs special?
Mike_Savage_Ledger ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 13:45:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
that takes me back man, jesus
packardpa ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 14:35:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was as well. He had some funny bits, but people like to shit on him.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 18:18:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought most of his older stuff was hilarious. I don't even know what the hate is about..
fireinthesky7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:51:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Because he stopped walking the line between funny and asshole and just went full asshole.
Nightguard119 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:46:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
why not just completely skip over kicking in a door that isn't locked and leaving a lava lamp, or is that part just not relevant enough for you, you monster
CargoCulture ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:37:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Being a former Dane Cook fan is like whacking off. Everyone's done it but nobody admits to it.
IAmNotMyName ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:38:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you better now?
dovemans ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I really loved that bit.
TwistedDrum5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:17:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Doesn't he also take the batteries out of the remote?
myhairsreddit ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:14:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"They replaced the good batteries with shitty half assed batteries!"
ArturiusVandelayus ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 14:26:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What the fuck did they takkkkkke?!?
ShaneDAWS0N ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 15:13:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My batteries to the remote are dead. Did the take the batteries? They took the good batteries and replaced them with shitty half ass batteries!! Ahh..
nofriENDs2012 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 14:37:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
https://youtu.be/ivXrhdSnSl4
The joke he's talking about.
RaiseHellPraiseDale3 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:59:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is a classic. I totally forgot about this, thank you.
nofriENDs2012 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:10:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lol, wouldn't have remembered if it wasn't for the guy who brought it up.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 13:24:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Johnappleseed4 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:12:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yup.
I saw it myself. I was in my kitchen, cleaning a dish.
I can show you the dish as exhibit A.
ShaneDAWS0N ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:12:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Excuse me officer, tell him what you told me. No officer that's not what he told me.
cayneloop ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:37:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
you were in your kitchen? he was in his basement, i was in my living room so i heard it and i came out!
Allstategk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:54:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I couldn't find my shoes. Fuck shoes
Engesa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:32:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And colonel Mustard was in the ballroom with the candlestick.
theboddha ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:21:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break in and leave a lava lamp
Deltas111213 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:09:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave a lava lamp
HailCeasar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:39:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That poor family.
cayneloop ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:25:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
right? i never understood all the hate he got
here is the breaking and entry part if anyone is wondering: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rb7eNTmhr8E
keyonte0 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:02:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shitting on Dane was something people did to look "patrician".
dolyhicks ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:14:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Which was probably the reference u/Mike_Savage_Ledger was making
1v0ryh4t ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:17:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was waiting for someone to reference this....
sleepyworm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
An old landlord of mine did this. She was...not right.
MAADcitykid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:13:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That whoosh you hear is the sound of the joke going over your head
OneFootInTheGravy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:25:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And kick in the closet doors
Cheesemacher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:30:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Aah. I immediately ctrl+f'd "door" to see if this was mentioned.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
HE TOOK THE BEADS
Zonpakuto ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think that's the whole reason he said Dane Cook...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:48:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dane Coon- B&E I'm not really a fan of his, but this particular bit is always pretty funny.
pfoxeh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:22:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing about Dane Cook is funny.
PM_ME_YOUR_BOBBLES ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:25:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"They replaced the remote batteries with half ass, shitty batteries!"
maggos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:29:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did they take the remote batteries?! I WANT A DIVORCE!!
IDrankTheKoolaid78 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:27:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is this a whoosh? I think this is a whoosh.
Elliephant51 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:03:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And then hang beads up or leave a lava lamp.
MichieD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:57:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But is it really HIS joke??
Soperos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:34:43 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They would think the burglars got spooked and left. Hilarious, Dane!
sielless ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:05:54 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What's a B&E, Dane? Bacon and eggs?
njm_nick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:36:46 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"You think they took the fucking batteries!? They replaced them with shitty half ass batteries!!!"
ADHthaGreat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:18:51 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
THEY TOOK THE BEADS
Universal-Cereal-Bus ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 12:29:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not annoying enough. You must also leave photos of him in every photo frame and DVDs.
WaxFaster ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 12:45:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And grab their cell phone so you can set him as their voicemail greeting
Kaibakura ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:14:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Also a lava lamp.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:51:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ankl dane is a very gud sentry mane
SnoppDavid ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:29:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I hosted a party some years ago and a lot of people i didn't know showed up. Friends of my friends and all that. The next day i found a giftbag, hidden behind my tv, containing Rednex's cd singel Cotton Eyed Joe. Wierd, but somewhat thoughtful i guess.
JefferyTheWalrus ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:18:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Who do you think left it there? Where did they come from? Where did they go?
Frostbyite ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:08:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well I actually like done cook so...
yur_mom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:46:40 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Don't worry there are literally dozens us of here on Reddit. I got the cd Retaliation as a gift when it first came out and did enjoy it at the time. Not sure if that was the peak of his career or he stayed funny, but Reddit tells me he is horrible.
Frostbyite ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:17:37 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i mean i also like adam sandlers movies too so...
Pixels wasnt that bad
TSwizzlesNipples ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:11:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dick move, dude.
Sinjun13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:19:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And Nickleback.
Task_Completed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:42:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You might be a pop culture genius.
EwoksMakeMeHard ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:54:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He's the karate of comics.
DuffBude ยท 173 points ยท Posted at 12:25:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange their silverware drawer.
kilkel ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 15:19:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Even better, rearrange the entire kitchen
lengau ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:37:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Keep most of the kitchen the same, but swap two drawers.
ShadowSt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:42:11 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mother did this to my OCD uncle. He's an asshole... My mother did it as revenge. He rearranged his alphabetized canned fruits and vegetables. He, my uncle, divorced his wife after that. We like her more... and she's better off.
zacshipley ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This was going to be my comment. So instead of making it, upvote to you.
hemkersh ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:27:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We do this to my grandma every so often. It started when we were cleaning up after a family gathering. We were always annoyed by the silverware being in that drawer. So we switched it with the kitchen towels drawer. After lots of complaining and several months, we were all used to the new drawer arrangement. A few months later grandma went out of town. So we switched the drawers back and drove everyone crazy. Once everyone was used to it... Switched them again.
fancy_raptor_zombie ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:16:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You fucking monster
Therearenopeas ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:34:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or go a step further and rearrange the entire kitchen.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:18:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd lose my fucking mind
Myfty ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:22:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This would kill my bf
n88888888 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:43:07 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Apparently I accidentally do this every time I put dishes away- drives my girlfriend insane.
Shad786 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:39:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I moved from my parents house, where the cutlery goes spoons -> forks -> knives (left to right), to a place where the cutlery went forks -> spoons -> knives (again, left to right).
I spent the first 3 months eating soup with a fork.
[deleted] ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 14:46:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
9bikes ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:29:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Someone must be doing that to me, my clothes are all slowly getting too small.
katjalove ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 16:53:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I did this to my flat mate in university when he was being an arsehole.
Josh used to leave his dorm room door unlocked every time he went to class, and most of the time, his PC would be logged into his profile. When Josh went to class one day, after a huge argument where he really hurt me, I went ahead and wandered into his room.
The first thing I did was take a screenshot of his desktop and set it as his background. I removed all of the icons that were already there, so he just had an unclickable, static image. Knowing that Josh wasn't particularly tech-savvy, I simply created a very easy script in notepad that would shut down the computer when opened, named it "open me", and placed it next to one of the static desktop icons. He found it and freaked out; never figured out who it was, but did figure out that the background was just a screenshot.
Another time, I replaced the songs from his library with dubstep snippets, just renaming them based on his most played songs. He did a system restore for that one.
Normally I would feel guilty, but Josh was a dick.
Sjaakdelul ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:41:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to frequently do this in middle school to fuck with the system admins: Except I would also write a script that would only kill explorer.exe.
violentre ยท 295 points ยท Posted at 12:29:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Clean the litter box and pet their cat.
theodore33 ยท 180 points ยท Posted at 13:49:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would personally pet the litter box and clean the cat, but that's just how I roll.
Greasyspamguts ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:19:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
๐
AFlawAmended ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:57:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
FTFY
AwkwardRainbow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:31:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
*Troll
Firewolf420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:21:01 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I never clean my cat. My cat is self-cleaning.
Pagiras ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:36:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would litter the clean and box the cat. I'm not sure if that's how I roll or not.
JBHUTT09 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:19:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No! Punch the hoverboard! Eat the swing-set!
[deleted] ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 14:37:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do it for a week or two, so they are "wtf! Why isn't the cat shitting?!". Then, on the last day, put all the shit from the week in at once.
CylonGlitch ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 15:01:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Better yet, after a week, you take a massive shit in the pan. Then they would be like, "Ohhhh, poor kitty was really backed up."
monkeybassturd ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 13:45:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would like you to break into my house.
violentre ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:45:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
PM your address.
monkeybassturd ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 13:54:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
1400 Pennsylvania Ave. Washington DC
PingedSpinxz ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:15:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm on my way but not for cat petting....
monkeybassturd ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:19:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm installing a bigger fence
evilweirdo ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:29:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you making /u/PingedSpinxz pay for it?
Error404- ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:13:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How else?
monkeybassturd ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:19:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is America free shit for everyone
pixelmeow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:57:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do you mean 1600?
lsherida ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:20:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You would also need to specify "NW". Or, I suppose, "SE".
pixelmeow ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:25:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Good point, I don't remember. google it's NW. That makes sense from where I remember it being.
monkeybassturd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:18:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No do you think Obama is posting randomly on Reddit
lengau ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:36:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
11 Downing St, London
BTW I hear my neighbour is moving out soon. Perhaps you could help him clean out?
Everywhereasign ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:42:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If they don't have a cat, leave a litter box with a few turds and appropriate scratch marks in it.
Then they get to spend an hour searching for a cat they never had.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:50:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sleep in their beds and set out three bowls of porridge.
Hyhena ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:28:35 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I put move the litter box to a completely different place without showing the cat so the cat is confused and using the bathroom in the regular spot. (I don't own a cat so this might be stupid.)
Dr_Emmet_Brown ยท 104 points ยท Posted at 18:13:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hook the doorbell up to ring everytime they turn the shower on.
Nerdsbenerds ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:49:21 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How does one do this exactly
GhostOfGamersPast ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:00:01 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
First of all, it would be a bit dangerous for a non-professional. Okay, a lot dangerous. So don't. SOMEONE's getting electrocuted, either you or the person you'd be "pranking", and you'd need to remove a lot of drywall to do it, so it's less "while they're asleep" and more "you're housesitting for them for a month".
But in theory, you wire the dial on the shower with a broken circuit, one side going to a power source inside the wall (battery matching the doorbell's voltage), the other side of the broken circuit goes into a pulse detector, and then into the doorbell (don't want it pressed in the entire time showering, just a poke when they start). The broken section of the circuit would have the wires set to touch each other when the dial is turned. So one is attached to the dial, the other floating a tiny bit away. You turn the dial, it turns the wire, the wire touches the other wire, completes the circuit, goes through the wire from the battery, hits the pulse detector, which detects a change in current and sends a single pulse down the line, then the doorbell rings once.
Atlas_Mech ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:11:51 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Waterproof Audio sensor hidden in the bathroom/shower, set to remotely activate the doorbell.
Would require some programming and some testing, but if you can't patch a wall, this may be a suitable alternative because it'd ring the doorbell when you flushed the toilet or used the hairdryer too.
jimmy_talent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:28:24 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A friend of mine actually did something similar to my sister on accident, she asked him to fix the doorbell but he messed something up that made it ring at random intervals.
Marmadukian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:23:53 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
This reminds me of the tales from tech support tale about the internet going down everytime he flushed the toilet.
Edit: Source
tilouswag ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:14:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Underrated comment
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:32:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OMG, that is so evil. Hahaha.
anwar1922 ยท 69 points ยท Posted at 13:22:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unplug their phone charger from the wall - It's plugged in but not charging.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:13:58 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My gf already does this on. She says the charger constantly sucks a phantom charge that wastes electricity. I tell her I don't care and I'll pay the extra $0.04 a year to keep the damn thing plugged in. So annoying.
EwoksMakeMeHard ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:03:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bonus points if the outlet is blocked by furniture or otherwise difficult to reach.
arb93 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:33:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
cut the phone charger and every time they replace it keep cutting the cord
kobbled ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:39:17 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
or just bend it back and forth really hard a bunch of times right by the end
anaesthetic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:46:01 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i do this enough by myself )=
LtCmdLebowski ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 17:17:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Add remotes.
Used to do this at house parties. Come back a year later and they would still be there. The don't want to throw it away because it may be for something.
jimmy_talent ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:38:14 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or keys, there is a single key on my kitchen counter that I won't throw away because I'm afraid I'll need it when I find out what it's for but every time I see it I feel like it's taunting me.
_Blood_Fart_ ยท 978 points ยท Posted at 12:26:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would break into blind peoples houses and leave plungers in all of their toilets.
[deleted] ยท 808 points ยท Posted at 12:55:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The handle would be too long, there's no way they sit on it. You need something shorter so it goes straight up the butthole.
VAGINA_PLUNGER ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 14:36:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why does it have to be the butthole?
hannabell ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 19:00:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Username definitely checks out
Insane_Cat_Lady ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:44:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
All Usernames checks out on this one!
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:17:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I see your point, it could be a vagina. No discrimination here!
XXVIIMAN ยท 275 points ยท Posted at 12:57:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out.
[deleted] ยท 206 points ยท Posted at 13:06:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
๐
VladimirPootietang ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:28:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
more like a traffic cone
ncnotebook ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:16:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
HipHopSince88, I did too!
Soperos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:36:13 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What
ncnotebook ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:51:56 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I found Vlad. He said he found Vlad a couple comments ago.
Nightguard119 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:47:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Both of them
bennyboi32 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:49:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Both usernames checkout FTFY
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:19:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not if you file the handle to a shorter point.
alinawright ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:30:41 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And sharpen it
stidmatt ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:09:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Trumpet players use plungers without the handle all the time, they are easy to get
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:25:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The point is to have it go up their arse...
GrapeApee ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:03:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sink plungers.
Tamatone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:52:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just cut the handle shorter.
AdmAkbar_2016 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They make little ones for sinks.
Turakamu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:15:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Doesn't this count as stealing?
kickingpplisfun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:24:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lube the end up too.
TheAbsurdPrince ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:59:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cut the handle in half; make it a bit shorter
Amadan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:55:45 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, you could shorten the handle every night little by little...
_Blood_Fart_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:08:27 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You are sick.
I like you :D.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:12:09 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It was your idea, I just wanted to help improve it! :D
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:25:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:33:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You haven't? Not a wood handled plunger of course, I'm not a barbarian.
[deleted] ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 13:04:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
plasmaflare34 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:53:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Found Hillary's fetish.
HipHopSince88 ยท 191 points ยท Posted at 13:09:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Found Vlad
ww11guy ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 15:00:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The B-Hole impaler!
maggos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:26:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Vlad the Poker?
Ma-caquee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:54:09 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Too be fair his name is "Bood Fart"
butt_puke ยท 202 points ยท Posted at 13:19:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, I totally dig what you are trying to do with your Username.
buttphone ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 14:42:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, I totally dig what you are trying to do with your Username.
Error404- ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 16:06:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, I...
What are we talking about?
VikingTeddy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:55:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Relevant u..
Where am I?
Error404- ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:16:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't remember.
Max_Trollbot_ ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 20:22:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Trump for president
slnz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:46:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah if you dig enough you're gonna get blood.
[deleted] ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 13:24:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're a monster.
ask_me_if_Im_lying ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 12:49:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my.
LazyBuhdaBelly ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 13:04:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, the "how do you make Helen Keller scream" method.
TheEnKrypt ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:03:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Like prodding a distended balloon with a toothpick.
xbulba ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:27:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out
ThundercuntIII ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:46:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You should post to /r/crazyideas
melten006 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:47:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Can i have you break into my house?
DMAredditer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:06:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, move their furniture around.
kickingpplisfun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:25:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Left by 4", specifically.
AFlawAmended ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:58:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out
0_0--- ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:08:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
username checks out.
rootzz41 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:51:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Whoa whoa whoa there blood fart
BoudKabouter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:55:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Underrated comment over here..
Jaime_loignon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:58:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Name is relevant
Timmay13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:10:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your name now makes sense!
joesatmoes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:04:39 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You sir are the devil.
ruspow ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 15:28:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Two of my friends have very exquisite music tastes and lots of vinyl, and one came up with the great idea of sneaking a single copy of Phil Collins - No Jacket Required in to the other guy's collection.
The other friend worked it out and the copy yo-yo'd between both of their collections as they kept finding it and sneaking it back.
What neither of them realised was I'd found 3 additional copies which I snuck in to each of their collections, on top..... this led to some amazing confusion when 24 hours later they were scratching their heads wondering how it had gotten back so quickly!
dorekk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:40:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha I like you
babygirlga ยท 161 points ยท Posted at 12:24:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all the personal photos with pictures cut out from medical textbooks (e.g., grandma replaced by a picture of a femur, baby pictures replaced with photos of vasectomies, etc)
TheHamCaptain ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:38:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Absolutely brilliant idea. Changing the head of a child's school photo to a cross section of a pelvis.
comfy_socks ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:24:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lmao that's hilarious
jinxjar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:01:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Careful, that sounds like ร rt.
Hey_-_-_Zeus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:04:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
babies with vasectomies. haha
Arachne93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:46:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Points for weirdness.
Bearnadette ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 14:44:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Amรฉlie already has this covered. ;)
driedtentacles ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:54:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly! :)
edwartica ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:26:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm really sad that I had to go this far down to find this. Kids these days....
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:14:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Likewise! I figured she had it more than handled. That, and the antenna/cable bit. Evil.
whatisthisidontevenf ยท 304 points ยท Posted at 12:51:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave the message "I AM THE WARLUS" on their mirrors in lipstick
Kynandra ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 15:05:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Right next to their ambien.
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 94 points ยท Posted at 12:52:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
coo coo cachoo
steelear ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 14:53:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That is a common mistake people make, they are actually saying "Goo Goo G'Joob"
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:54:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've heard this before but couldn't remember what it was so I went with the 'common' one
gildedbound ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:45:55 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I will still say it the "wrong way".
crimson-adl ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:45:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You must be fun at parties
A40 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 15:09:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Don't egg him on, man
PromNightDumpstrBayb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Misters sitting, Policemen sitting, Pretty, little policemen in a row~~`
PromNightDumpstrBayb ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:27:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He said warlus you bad reader. Warluses are famous Walrus generals that lead their bretheren into battle.
TwistedDrum5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:18:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bless you.
Publicaldo ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 13:51:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Coo coo chacoo...
IGiveGreatHeadphones ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 14:42:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What is a warlus and where do I get one?
BenjiTheWalrus ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:51:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yo
ChunksOWisdom ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:54:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
HEY YOU'RE A WALRUS NOT A WARLUS
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 16:55:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Look honey, we've been invaded by dyslexics!
KeriRussellBrand ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 13:51:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"SHUT THE FUCK UP DONNY!"
Sinjun13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
V.I. Lenin! Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov!
TCesqGO ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 17:13:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ah yes, the warlus. A most elusive cearture.
OrnateFreak ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:35:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What is a "warlus"?
benderisgreat356789 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:58:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OP's teacher
The_1st_Name_I_Chose ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:55:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
People using Ambien for fun often say that they feel some kind of other presence during their trip and kind of influencing their decisions, makimg them do stupid shit. (I think, I've never taken Ambien) They call it the Walrus. /r/Ambien would like to see you
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:53:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought it was a reference to a beatles song
agbullet ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:19:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
REDRUM
TKJ ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:52:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Spelled incorrectly, like that? Heinous!
LaBelleCommaFucker ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:05:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or "HEALTER SKELTER" on the fridge in blood.
benderisgreat356789 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:58:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or SHAKERMAKER on their door in paint
bassham ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:33:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shut the fuck up Donnie
McKRAKK ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:57:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bonus points if they are avid ambien users...
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:01:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe follow it a few nights later with "I BURIED PAUL".
FGHIK ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The walrus was Paul!
nsm1h55b_S2sH1t ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:58:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OBEY THE WALRUS
greenpeppers100 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:58:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or write it in blood so it seems terrible but is meaningless.
Shiloh_the_dog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't forget about Adam Savage
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:03:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
r/ambien
LordDumbassTheToasty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:35:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/ambien?
leo_sippy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:43:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Even better "I AM THE WALRUS"
wcc445 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:57:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fucking Ambien...
Ooslof ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:26:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
r/Ambien
policiacaro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:41:16 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or 'I shall dash
themYO4 against the stones'_NoOneSpecial ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:01:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
goo goo g'joob
dtmfadvice ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 18:06:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A friend of mine came home one day and found that his house had been cleaned and all his trash bagged up and put in a large bag in the middle of his kitchen. His laundry was done and his bed was made and the laundry was folded and put in a basket on the bed.
SOMEONE BROKE INTO HIS HOUSE AND CLEANED IT.
He called the cops but they couldn't figure out whether a crime had been committed, because... nothing was missing.
Turned out the landlord had accidentally installed identical locks for him and the apartment next door, and the next door apartment had hired a housecleaner, who then forgot which exact number it was, but having a key, came in and figured "if the key fits, this must be the mess..."
He later hired that same housekeeper, because she'd done an amazing job.
ChrisSunHwa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:03:32 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, man, can that please happen to me?
ChrisSunHwa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:11:41 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I guess I feel kind of sorry for the cleaner, though. It would suck to have to do the job a "second" time when she realized she hadn't done the one she was hired to do.
PM_ME_YOUR_BEST_IMG ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:49:22 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It would've been the right thing to pay her by the wrong house guy.
jimmy_talent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:45:47 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me of what's been happening to me, ever since I moved into my house I haven't had to mow my lawn because the grass has never gotten to high, I didn't really think much of it until my roommate complained that whoever mowed the lawn had gotten a bunch of grass in the back of his truck, then about a week ago I came home for lunch and as when I got to where I could see my house I saw a professional landscaper at my house loading his mower into his truck and drive away. This guy has been mowing my lawn for months, I didn't hire him and I have no idea who did.
eliciano ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 12:55:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change their calendar to March and cross off the first couple weeks. Stick the spoons in the "good knife" holder. Secretly give their dog treats that makes them gassy. Hide all toilet paper. Take left shoes put them in the fridge. Move one stool slightly out of place.
mimicgogo ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 16:00:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is that specifically to make the "current" date the Ides of March? Et tu, burg-lay?
Mist101 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:08:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You deserve upvotes, I enjoyed that.
Thatguywhoplaysgames ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:27:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I am a fan of the shoes in the fridge
fremitus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:46:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
do i need to move the stool while they're still sitting on the toilet or just hope that they don't flush?
cayoloco ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:40:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave a stool in the toilet, if ya know what I mean.
bzzhuh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:42:20 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No you just move it out of place
cayoloco ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:19:59 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stool is another word for poo. It was a play on words.
bzzhuh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:37:10 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah you move the poos bit out of place
The-Best-Snail ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:41:06 on July 1, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Honey, why is the litter box in the washing machine?"
catcherinrye2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:14:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Joke's on you. My calendar still says December 2015.
sadmadmen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:57:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you talking about a knife block? The block of wood or synthetic that has slots cut into it to store knives.
runlevel6 ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 14:30:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I would sneak in and turn all the lights on in every room and mess with the thermostat so it wasn't at optimal temperature. I know that would annoy them because someone is doing it to me... Either that or my wife and kid are filthy liars.
Neckbeard_McPork ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 16:55:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pay for their copy of WinRaR
Tx_Deception_Tx ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:00:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Chill out Satan
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:40:17 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Somebody is sadistic.. Jesus
ExPM_Abbott ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:31:32 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You are now Moderator of /r/ProRevenge/
KungFuHamster ยท 89 points ยท Posted at 13:25:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
fastslow, just enough to make you late for stuff.Edit: Tpyo
zangent ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:19:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
All right, that seems fair
Too fucking far
EwoksMakeMeHard ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:07:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You are Satan
You really are Satan
I like these two. The first is inconvenient, the second is very creative.
white_butterfly1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:34:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are universal remotes that popular? I don't know anyone who has one.
EwoksMakeMeHard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:45:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My cable remote, while not truly universal, controls several devices. Reprogramming it would be seriously inconvenient.
SirQuay ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:43:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
FTFY.
Setting it 15 minutes fast would mean they get up 15 minutes earlier. They have more time to do stuff!
KungFuHamster ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:45:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oops.
SirQuay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:12:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No wait. I think you were right first time after all and I read it wrong. Sorry!
KungFuHamster ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:22:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think you were right, but I've got a head cold and my mind is a little fuzzy today.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:54:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
KungFuHamster ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:21:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
jcskarambit ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:51:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Found Satan.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:03:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
KungFuHamster ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:16:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ah! So, the child already handles all of the "confuse and annoy" tasks on a live-in basis.
vatrat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:20:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You have to do that, then arrange the cases.
Elronnd ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:36:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What if they run OSX? Or one of the BSDs? Or Solaris? Or Plan9? Or Unix?
vatrat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:21:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Windows 95.
KungFuHamster ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:55:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Big magnet.
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:26:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're experienced, huh?
doofus33 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:58:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
15 minutes slow
Neo81 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:59:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Set the clocks slow to make them late. Setting them fast makes them early - which is actually pretty annoying, too.
AElicious ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:08:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Homeowner: My watch says its 10:15, and the meeting was supposed to start at 10:10. WHY IS NOBODY HERE YET!?!
10 minutes later everybody else shows up
Homeowner: My watch says its 10:25, all of you are late!
Co-worker: Bob, it just turned 10:10, what are you talking about?
Homeowner: Oh
flameoguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:14:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Have I been burgled?
krisbykreme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:18:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just don't do this when they're sleeping.
tvirushound ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:46:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did you have a rough childhood or something? Damn
KungFuHamster ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:13:32 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I just took a couple minutes to think, "What kind of shit annoys me/would annoy me?"
Catnap42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:25:27 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You posted too many ideas here. I had planned to move all of the clocks ahead 5 minutes...wait a few days and reset them back 10 minutes. BTW...Yuck om the hair in the drains.
GurJobD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:25:49 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That wouldn't work on their computers, Chrome would tell them that they're time is wrong and refuse to work
anaesthetic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:34:30 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The entire reason I wanna be a ghost!
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:31:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
KungFuHamster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:35:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, I edited that like 45 minutes before you posted. Maybe you should refresh more often.
ask_me_if_Im_lying ยท 129 points ยท Posted at 12:42:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave bra's and panties in poorly hidden places like behind a couch or under the bed.
storm_echo ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 16:18:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Combine this with the "condom wrappers of a brand they don't use" and "positive pregnancy test, poorly hidden" from earlier in the thread and you have a recipe for divorce on your hands.
Jack_Attack_21 ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 14:27:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not to be a grammar Nazi but you don't need the 's after bra. It's just bras.
Lol that is a good idea
uNecrotic ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 14:53:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not 2 b a granny nazi, but you caint start a sentance wif "lol."
Jack_Attack_21 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 15:15:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Can't
NotBrayden ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 15:30:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The war is on.
Rafe__ ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 15:40:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We're all soldiers now
xilef_destroy ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:06:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hail u/grammarHitler
Jitnaught ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:07:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sad that account is unused :(
SomeBroadYouDontKnow ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:44:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wish someone did this for me. Bras are expensive, yo.
I wouldn't use the mystery underwear though... They might be new, but I'm not a gambler. Even after washing, it would just seem weird.
melten006 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:49:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You could probably sell them online to guys who like used underwear, it's a completely normal and healthy fetish. It's not wierd or creepy.
AbysmalVixen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:34:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fetishswap.org
SomeBroadYouDontKnow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:19:48 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ooh, that would be a good idea. I just meant wearing them would seem weird to me just because they're mystery drawers.
But selling them online. Make money and I don't have to waste the mystery underwear... Now I really wish someone reverse burgled me like this.
SAugsburger ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:38:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You presume that the size is right...
SomeBroadYouDontKnow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:17:13 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's true. And I'm also assuming it's the style I like.
jhennaside ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:43:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
We had a case of mystery panties several times.
My husband went on a business trip. I was unpacking the luggage and found a thong. I don't wear things and they were too small for him, so I confronted him. No clue where they came from till a long time later I recall having been given a thong by my ex (when we were together) and the luggage he had used was mine... so maybe?
Then I find mystery panties in his laundry. I confront him again. He is both upset and amused. He thinks I'm messing with him. My mother calls me that weekend and says she thinks some of her laundry didn't make it back after her visit- can I keep an eye out for some panties and a shirt?
There was another case of mystery panties- they ended up belonging to my sister in law. She did husband's laundry and guess they got into his luggage. (Edit, clarification - he was visiting her for their father's funeral)
I've told him this looks real bad. I've told him that any sane person would be concerned. He says he doesn't blame me. He says this is insane. He tells me if he was sleeping with another woman that's what he would be doing- sleeping. (we have small children) He also says that I'm so chill, if he wanted to sleep with another woman he would just ask me.
I eventually pranked him by emptying luggage, pulling out panties he didn't recognize and asking him WTF? (They were mine) he responded with, "ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!?!!"
flamingfreebird ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:31:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This kills the marriage.
satansrapier ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:03:42 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shh, marry is ok.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:25:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And apostrophe's in odd place's.
daily_fuckitol_doses ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:55:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Better yet, leave a pair of boxers at a lesbian couples place.
LordWheezel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:41:03 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I know more lesbians that wear boxers than dudes.
capnpitz ยท 236 points ยท Posted at 12:50:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fun fact: if what you intend to do inside is neither a theft nor a felony, then you're technically not a burglar. You're merely breaking and entering.
Suivoh ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 15:04:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
To break and enter in Canada... you have to commit a crime once inside; otherwise they charge you with "unlawfully entering a dwelling house".
Colonel_Potoo ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 16:10:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Colonel_Planet ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:08:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
also known as "RPG hero syndrome" lock your doors, or all ur left out shit is going on an adventure with me
bzzhuh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:43:41 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'll just hide my stuff in clay jars, should be okay
WingsOfDespair ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:42:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry
XwingInfinity ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 16:53:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ctrl-find "technically"
find the guy talking about common law burglary
smile to self sadly as I continue to study all summer for bar exam
trigunnerd ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:05:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe you're a burglar by trade but don't plan to rob this particular house
ohmytosh ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:28:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks Dane Cook.
Herr_Doktore ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:03:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is it breaking and entering if the door is unlocked?
rissa39 ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 14:36:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes because you are breaking past the threshold where you are not legally allowed to enter.
syntheseiser ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:40:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ok, so steal one spoon. Burgled!
knaper ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:48:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stealing a virginity
Jebediah_Blasts_off ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:21:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
that's rape
mineymonkey ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:28:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What if he or she wanted it? Or what if he or she was unconscious?
Jebediah_Blasts_off ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:36:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
doesn't sound consensual
mineymonkey ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:38:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You just ... um. Whistles
syntheseiser ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:52:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rape. That's definitely rape.
mineymonkey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:29:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Time to pack my bags boys.
citawin ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:34:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
unconscious people cannot consent.. that's rape.
mineymonkey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:14:39 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Good job pointing out what others have stated. To bad I don't have a relative username or anything let alone forgetting /s....
supershinythings ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 14:45:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Trespassing at minimum. And if someone's home and you get shot, well, it's not the owner's fault. S/he was in fear for her/his life. Most states have 'castle' laws (a (wo)man's home is his castle - so if you're inside and you don't belong, it's the owner's word against your dead body.
weezkitty ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 14:54:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Important to note that laws vary significantly by state
MegaTiny ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:22:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And country. There's an infamous story from England where a farmer shot a burglar and got sent to prison for it.
supershinythings ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:22:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yep. Your local gun shop can point you to resources so you can know your rights and obligations if you expect to stand your ground in your own home.
Miles_Tails_Flower ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:20:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Assuming their body is the dead one. Then it is just murder. Law is a finicky thing, more attuned to a code of ethics rather than absolutes.
supershinythings ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:24:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
People in Texas get to stand their ground. So find your local gun shop and learn what to expect when you're not expecting burglars.
Miles_Tails_Flower ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:10:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Texas may as well be their own country...lol
Drunk_on_H2O ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:51:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If someone is home then it is technically a home invasion even if nothing is taken and that classifies it as a felony.
capnpitz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:41:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Most states don't specify home invasion as a separate felony.
WhoahNows ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:56:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Actually depends on where you are. Where I live, possession of "burglary tools" (i.e. a lock pick) as well as it being night is sufficient for it to be considered burglary.
Happy_Vincent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:34:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Actually, it can be any crime against property or a felony. That includes things like criminal mischief. (Breaking stuff).
UltimateInferno ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:26:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So trespassing.
TwistedDrum5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:19:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What if you just plan on taking their cat?
smokedustshootcops ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:12:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
unless they are there, than it can arguably be considered home invasion which is a far worse charge than burglary or B&E
capnpitz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:48:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Most states don't have a separate home invasion felony.
smokedustshootcops ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:56:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
word? well then... fuck it... lol
geofurb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:01:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you! Finally. You're just a trespasser. (Frequently a vandal in many suggestions. Probably a stalker in others.)
Smauler ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:59:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If the doors aren't locked, you're not breaking and entering.
[deleted] ยท 421 points ยท Posted at 13:43:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have often thought about this. Here is my set of answers:
Get a drill, a caulk gun and ground beef. Remove photos from the wall and inject beef into the hole you drill. Then put the picture back covering the hole. Eventually the dozens of pounds of beef will rot and it'll be incredibly confusing when it's discovered.
Buy about 20 pounds of ground beef while they are about to leave for vacation. The day they leave you spread it perfectly even on a section of countertop. Leave a window open for one day then cone back and close it. They'll come home to a mega fly infestation and no idea how so much beef came to be in their home.
Leave a single cum sock, preferably old, on the living room floor.
Take pictures of your junk with their phones and post them to social media. They wake up and apologize for "being hacked" but then they find photos of your slippery Sammy on their phone and spend the next six months locking all their doors.
Have one of those trap door attics handy? Spread some food wrappers around with a blanket and piss jugs. Toss a banana in there for a solid pop culture reference and leave the attic stairs ajar. Bonus points if you spend a months breaking in and eating their food in the attic so the wrappers match what's gone missing from the fridge.
Toss a bag of carrots into the washer or dryer.
Leave a dead rabbit with an indoor cat. Multiple times for greatest effect.
Install several annoyatron devices in their home.
Bake a cake, clean up and leave it for them. Bonus points if you use those photo cake sheets you can order with a picture of the family.
Break into neighbor As house and steal a photo. Now break into neighbor Bs house and capture each photograph. Shop neighbor A into family photos of B then replace all their photos. I mean wtf who would do that?
Beans. You can get them in bulk and they are cheap. Place one in their shoe then wait a week and place 2 on the counter. 4 in their contacts case. 8 lined up on the toilet. Their car, workplace, beach house the week they're on vacation. You'll never make it to 30 because that's a billion beans but at some point just before they go mad you stop. Wait six months and fill their cabinets with beans all the way to the brim. Imagine coming home hoping for some tea to celebrate your new bean free life and BOOM beans.
Use their computer to rain Craigslist lobster trap hell down upon a friend or family member of theirs. Post an ad offering free lobster traps on the Bangor Craigslist using the friends number. Do it over and over until the cops are involved. The person's IP will eventually be uncovered and they will be guilty of a felony.
Put a Lego in their feshlight. Tell me he won't suspect this spouse
Pour milk into the floor vents. Gallons of it . The HVAC guy will be baffled.
Pack the back of their toilet with ground beef and turn off the water.
Fill the bathtub with water and chicken stock.
They got a roomba? Peanut butter on the floor.
They have an indoor dog? Leave a massive fucking deer leg bone. Bonus points if it's a toy breed.
They have a cat? Poop in the litter box.
show up, do a photo shoot of their pets in the house the break back in to hang the calendar of the pets.
Stack all of the furniture into a cube. we did this one year on good Friday in my friends suite many years ago. We were too drunk to realize it was the wrong suite,wrong floor and wrong dorm then bailed when the RA showed up.
Rewire a switch so each switch does the opposite of what it used to do.
The options are limitless. Just think about all the stuff that you've found that made no sense at the time. Misplaced clothes, a DVD you don't remember buying, a window left open with hand prints on the sill 4 floors up and a huge dent on the top of your apartments AC unit below. It could all be troupe of comedic burgers.
fnhs90 ยท 96 points ยท Posted at 16:57:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is this your fucking job?
Jarom2 ยท 68 points ยท Posted at 16:34:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He said mess with them not ruin their lives.
[deleted] ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 15:43:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I love you
xilef_destroy ยท 55 points ยท Posted at 16:23:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And he loves ground beef
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:07:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Haha, incorporating a running joke (seemingly accidentally) as well is the icing on the cake.
M3mph1s ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:02:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is your troupe hiring? I'd even be willing to join under an apprenticeship. Teach me how to be the biggest ass hole.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:23:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For some reason I think the broth in the bath is the creepiest one in this whole thread. There's just no satisfying answer why someone would do that so you just keep asking why.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:45:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One time a friend of mine got really really drunk and left the bar early to return to a second friend's house. We came home to see him dumping the apple cider into a drawer from the fridge that he had pulled out, placed on the counter and proceeded to frantically fill with everything liquid in the kitchen. He was a big dude and had been obviously working hard at this for some time because he was soaked in sweat. There were veggies floating in the frothy mix of ranch dressing, milk, cider, a 6 pack of Pabst(cans tossed in for good measure).
We asked him what he was doing and he just kept saying "No no no it has to be this way it just has to if it's not I'm fucked it has to be this way." and kept dumping stuff in the crisper drawer. We backed off and let him tire himself out before throwing it all out on the lawn to take care of the next day.
He woke up with cuts on his hands from the beer cans and told us his legs were sore like he'd run more than he had ever run before in his life. No memory of dumping half the kitchen into the drawer.
rata2ille ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:53:14 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A bouillon cube in the showerhead would be even better because it would never end
Hokie23aa ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:03:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Seems to me that you have a fascination with ground beef
Hey_-_-_Zeus ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:59:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
haha. "BOOM BEANS"
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:35:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[removed]
Hey_-_-_Zeus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:00:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
someone had to say it XD
IDespiseTheLetterG ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:47:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Beef
Heroshade ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:22:40 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Worst name for a strip club
heyfrommtl ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:00:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Like this
AirRaidJade ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:37:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Geminii27 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:52:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit, you are not wrong. I'm honestly not sure whether to be disturbed or amazed.
TophatofVenice ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Those burgers are funny
NerdRising ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:01:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What's even better if you do all of this to the same people.
CadePayne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No need to rewire a switch, just pull the cover off, then the top and bottom screws to pull the switch out of the wall (there should be some slack in the wire assuming the electrician before you wasn't a heartless cunt). Be careful not to touch the screws on the sides, that's where the wire connects and could shock you, flip it, reinstall, done.
Commando388 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:48:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm imagining all that done at once and now I'm terrified.
vortexwaw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:58:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
These are all super strange and devious. I love them.
PacloverN1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:00:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why Bangor?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:37:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lobster fishing is huge there. I did this to a Google Voice number of my own just to test it out and I received over 200 text messages, over 100 emails and probably 75 voicemails of old men looking to "Take those pesky traps off your hands"
Truth be told due to regulations placed on the fishing every trap in current use has to be registered and there are a limited number of registrations available. Offering 20+ traps for free is like giving away a couple thousand in cash.
TheFistingKing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:07:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus Christ.
roflz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:36:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Liver will smell a hell of a lot worse than just ground beef.
Pi4zza ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:00:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is fucking weird. Piss jugs? Cum socks? What the fuck man.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:58:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, all that ground beef could definitely add up to a few comedic burgers.
PmYourWittyAnecdote ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:14:07 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What's up with the Lobster Pots?
armeliacinborn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:17:39 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
fellow Mainer spotted!
0_GHOST_1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:36:45 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Beautifully disturbing perfection
rainbow_spunk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:39:47 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
</thread>
Theist17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:30 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/threadkillers
fallopianfuck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:59:16 on July 1, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
if they went trough all that i dont theyed be accoused of felony
Knor_424 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:02:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Calm down, even Satan wouldn't be THAT cruel
goonie_goo_goo ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:12:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
k
xQx1 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:53:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I love it. That was the post i was looking for, none of this "shorten the chair legs" crap - total mayhem.
Your list is a great way of getting annoying neighbours to move out.
I can offer one more suggestion if you want to up the stakes - slip doses of LSD into food in the pantry that they eat raw. Try to get stuff that they will use immediately (biscuits, bread), and stuff they won't eat for weeks (nuts etc.)
Then they won't just be moving out, they'll be moving out into a mental facility.
temporalphlux ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 14:55:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change all their DVR series recordings to end 3 minutes early.
yhel0thar ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:56:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's brutal!
rgmw ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:01:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cold-hearted
con57621 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:46:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Calm down satan
dorekk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:38:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pure fucking evil.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:03:06 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm already mad
rata2ille ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:42:31 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You monster
supercheetah ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 19:32:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd be a reverse-burglar. I'd leave all the things I don't want in my place in theirs.
"I don't remember buying a Savage Garden CD..."
Dungeon_Of_Dank_Meme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:38:58 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Savage Garden, like that funky educational movie with that old guy? I have that on VHS! I loved it as a kid.
alwayslurkeduntilnow ยท 71 points ยท Posted at 13:13:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
My name is Martel Deschamps, I live a life of splendor and privilege. I am the greatest thief and burglar in all of France and probably the world. For the last year I have enjoyed life in Paris.
I have many fine things around my home, collected from some of the great house on the continent. Many of the items I have collected are never even reported stolen, the owners are too ashamed to find their state of the art top line security was so easily defeated that they put in place perfect replicas and pretend nothing has happened, I have 3 of copies of Monet's Les Peupliers, as well as the original.
My favourite game, well that is a little different. The minister with responsibility for Policing in France is a gentleman called Bernard Cazeneuve, and I like to play with his mind. To start with I used to write a large number somewhere in open view, 1 the first time 2 the second, and on. Then I started making them smaller and eventually hiding them. Yesterday I visited Bernard's home again but this time I skipped a number.
I saw Bernard on TV doing a press conference this morning regarding the continued security arrangements for Euro 2016. He looked as if he had not slept last night.
You shouldn't have bullied me in school Bernard.
EwoksMakeMeHard ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:03:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
FTFY
alwayslurkeduntilnow ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:03:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks.
serventofgaben ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:06:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
there's a Bernard in Ender's Game
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:31:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And Andy Bernard on the Office! How deep does this go?!?
The-Best-Snail ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:50:43 on July 1, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That kid was a dick for a six-year-old.
crushedbyadwarf ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 15:05:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hard-boil their eggs.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:08:48 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pre-scramble them.
jimmy_talent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:48:40 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or even better, if they already have hard boiled eggs made replace one with a raw egg.
ReverseBurgler ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 15:38:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS THREAD MY WHOLE LIFE.
Rhumald ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:35:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just break in and gift them things eh? A happy little book for you, a sweet non-stick frying pan for you, a joyous coffee maker for you, and an angry lawn gnome for Jimmy. I don't like Jimmy.
acenair836 ยท 151 points ยท Posted at 13:00:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all the heads in the family photos with pictures of Nicolas Cage.
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 13:01:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/onetruegod
FishInTheTrees ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:38:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
It was so well done the first time it'll be hard to beat
AP246 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 14:54:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The link goes to the mobile page, btw.
notpetelambert ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:21:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We did this to my friend's senior picture. It went unnoticed for months.
pinotpie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:26:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Me and my friend in stage crew wore cardboard cutout Nicholas cage masks we made on our last show to try to make the actors go out of character. This was highschool senior year so the stage manager let us do it and we got the lead to burst out laughing at one point when he was supposed to be crying.
tankgirl85 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:35:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My co workers daughter did this for april fools. She replaced all the heads with nicolas cage but wennt a step further and hid his poctures all over the house too
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:26:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Like his feet would start at their necks? That is pretty weird.
[deleted] ยท 63 points ยท Posted at 14:03:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Here's a good scenario. It actually happened too. To me.
So my boss comes in one day spouting out the usual morning stuff, we need to get this and that done, etc. After awhile he stops mid sentence, looks me in the eye, takes a banana out of his pocket, and puts it in the strangest place possible. All the while maintaining eye contact. Then he just leaves like nothing happened.
So I asked the guys wtf was going on and they just got mad at me and basically told me to fuck off and to stop being weird. Well this went on for a full week, same shit every day. At the end of the week there was bananas in the most ludicrous positions. I'd ask why there was a banana rotting on top of the computer monitor or in the first aid kit but no one seemed to know what I was talking about.
Finally I asked my boss about it. I'm like listen there's bananas everywhere, is this some kind of sick joke?
I got disciplined for being a weirdo in the workplace and the banana shenanigans continued until I got fired for asking "weird" questions.
UberMcwinsauce ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 17:54:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
bananigans
P0sitive_Outlook ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 20:58:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My buddy's mother and father were having problems (turned out later he was seeing someone else). The mother went over to confront The Other Woman, and did so with a banana taped to her head. She and The Other Woman got into an argument, and eventually the mother left (but not before making some insane and scary threats).
Later, the father called his wife and said "You've been harassing T.O.W and scaring her and you had a banana taped to your head?!". The mother said "Do you really think i'd talk to her? And why would i be wearing a banana?!"
The father relented... "Okay i guess you didn't..."
everyoneisangrytoday ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:34:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've been putting up with nearly every non-dangerous suggestion made in this post for the past four years along side people doing these weird repetitive things and glaring at me whenever i'm out and about, about a month or so ago I watched some guy eat a banana in the angriest manner I've ever seen... I pissed off the wrong person when this started, I'm pretty sure you did too without realizing it XD
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:40:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty relevant username.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:53:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
mentaljewelry ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:49:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'll give you one that really happened. I used to work at a fondue restaurant where we made the cheese table side using a double boiler. When we had new hires, the staff carefully explained how to do everything, except they deliberately left out the lesson on how a double boiler works. They just said, When you walk by a table and see the steam rising, that's when you go over and make their cheese.
This left our young, kitchen-inexperienced trainees to inevitably ask on their fist day: How do you make the steam, though?
The answer, if they liked you, was: Go to the basement and get a bucket of steam (we didn't have a basement.)
If they didn't like you, they'd tell you to go ask the Mexican restaurant around the corner for a bucket of steam.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:18:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What
CylonGlitch ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:21:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He went insane, none of it happened anywhere but in his mind.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:11:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
it's a weird story, I know. But it did happen. A lot of things happened that I can't explain, the guys were all very strange and didn't like me. I'm guessing it was just some sort of psychological hazing or something. Fucking weird
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:30:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You were fired for asking about them pranking you? That's fucking ridiculous. Bring it up with the jobs board people...
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:36:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't actually know why I was fired, the official reason was "without cause." It was a non unionized position so the labour board wouldn't touch it. But the constant pranking was definitely an issue. It will forever be a mystery lol.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:32:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
cuz they dead hyhy
OvyZ ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 12:09:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
install outdoor lighting
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:13:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Where would you place the switch?
Burritosfordays ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 12:34:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
At the far end of the garden.
XXVIIMAN ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 13:00:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
With the TV remote.
VerySmallBreasts ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 13:31:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
2meta2fast
ze_ex_21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:45:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not a switch, but a valve. Light is gas-operated. It must be
HitByStick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:50:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I once went to my friends house and stole all his light bulbs.
Hyhena ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:29:05 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Uninstall outdoor lighting. ;)
ColonelSanders_1930 ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 13:02:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
KFC gravy in the pockets of all their coats
aids0109 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:45:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Name checks out
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:17:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nice
derpity_mcderp ยท 46 points ยท Posted at 13:12:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break a window. They will spend the rest of their lives wondering what was stolen.
AWebDeveloper ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 15:43:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just open the door and do nothing. No need to break things.
collector_of_objects ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:56:55 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave the frontdoor unlocked and make it look like someone as been searching for something. Open draws, mess stuff up, take down paintings. Do this to all rooms but one, instead leave open one draw or closet that the owner wouldn't have opened often. They will struggle to remember what was in this draw and they will try to figure out what was stolen.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:59:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I saw a comedian with a joke similar to this before. They just wanted to kick down a door and regret not stealing anything because they'd wonder "What the fuck did they take?"
cm4roljina ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dane Cook :D
MoshiMoshiKamiDesu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:06:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I commented about the lack of reference to this in this thread lol
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:26:24 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
:D
kahbn ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 17:19:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Get 1000 of those fortunes that they put into fortune cookies, and hide them around the house. slip one in a book. put one inside a pillowcase. open the fridge and put one underneath a stick of butter. roll one around a battery in their remote. roll one up and shove it in a tube of toothpaste. cut a small slit and have one hanging out from the ceiling. see if you could tape one to the dog.
Wait six months, then do it again, except with actual fortune cookies this time. Two weeks after that, have about a hundred bucks worth of Chinese food delivered to them anonymously.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:27:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would love that. That would actually be awesome.
Pizzaisbae13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lmao this wins
Inflatious ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:44:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know about you but I would want a hundred deers worth of chinese food delivered to my house anonymously. How much money is a deer worth, by the way?
kahbn ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:47:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Misunderstanding people on purpose is hilarious!
one17eight ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 17:36:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Teach their dogs secret tricks. The command words would be everyday words that people use a lot. Imagine, having a conversation with someone as your dogs performs endless tasks behind you.
coromd ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:15:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
https://youtu.be/-9JcOZlMlLY
lasttimewasabadtime ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 13:33:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the labels off their canned goods.
jimmy_talent ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:52:01 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"What's for dinner?"
"I have no idea"
Afghmn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Dear, have you seen the crushed tomatoes?"
"They're in the fridge"
Opens fridge
Gets a panic attack, seeing all the labels in a pile under a pile of unmarked cans of food
der_iraner ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 13:45:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Get every photo in the house and stick real hair on the hair in the photos.
GimpBizket ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 17:51:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Around ten years ago my home was burgled whilst our family was on holiday. We had a beautiful hand carved chess set that was always set up on show. Along with taking everything of value in our home, the thrives also stole a single piece from this set. I consider this a bigger dick move the the theft of everything else.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:31:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In summer camp I took one ball from a pool table and buried it in the sandbox. I actually feel guilty about that now, what a shithead.
spezialk ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 15:29:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had a friend who used to go around making people's beds without telling them. Everyone was trying to figure out who the mystery bed maker was until someone caught him bed handed.
xspartanx117x ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:16:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did you make that up for the pun?
spezialk ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:53:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No true story, pun came to me at the last minute.
ChrisSunHwa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:15:06 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Almost spewed my latte on my laptop. lol
Ivegotacitytorun ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 14:33:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If they have cats, leave more cats in their house but kitten versions that look just like their current cats.
Vicianus ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:04:21 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or just replace their current cat with another cat with a similar coat pattern and body build. They will look only slightly different, but the real kicker will be when they try to figure out why their cat is suddenly acting different.
eadon_rayne ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:21:56 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think one of the men from Monty Python did something like that, but with turtles. One of his friends got a pet turtle, and every couple of days he'd exchange the turtle for a bigger one. Then at some point the friend changed the turtle's diet because it had gotten so big, so he then started exchanging the turtles for smaller ones.
Ivegotacitytorun ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:39:13 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And I thought I was being clever :(
fallopianfuck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:05:49 on July 1, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
okay thats not funny
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:53:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But do it for the rest of their lives. Each time a cat gets old/dies, replace it with a brand spanking new kitty.
Dyson98 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 17:09:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I place 3 live chickens in the house numbered 1,2 and 4
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:53:03 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
...Past tense? 0_0
jimmy_talent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:58:32 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
6 months later put 3 more chickens in the house labeled 3, 6 and 7
Dunlapo ยท 184 points ยท Posted at 12:52:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take a battery out of the remote.
Put water in all the metal hinges.
Set the fridge to freeze things.
Edit: Well since this is my top rated comment ever I'll add in my hail Mary of fuck yous.
I'd also put clear gelatin in the toilet and put a thin coat of water over it, it's plasticwraps nasty cousin
yeoldeskinsuit ยท 57 points ยท Posted at 14:40:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm giving you an upvote because.. well.. your highest rated comment.. has 2 points.
Mektapath ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 15:23:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I too felt kind of bad and upvoted
ImXavierr ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:37:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
don't worry he's up to 15
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:46:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pushing 30 now. We believe in you, OP!
xilef_destroy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:23:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We made it to 35!
skeeter_mcbee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:17:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
70!
SJ_RED ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:00:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
83!84!nightwheel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:05:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
102!
Firenoob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:00:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
99 =(
HyperSaurus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:02:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
114!
jaredw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:14:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
143
i think that means i love him or something
eadon_rayne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:17:44 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
163!
Datduckdo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:23:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your top comment has 31 upvotes? Also jesus that last one is mean, how do i get clear gelatin
Mythgirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:10:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Grocery store should have it. Check pudding and baking aisles
CalibanRamsay ยท 57 points ยท Posted at 12:23:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange everything in their kitchen,
prepare a very simple meal by dirtying as many kitchen utensils as possible, leaving all the dirty things cluttered around,
unsort their DVD and CD collection,
leave an espresso cooker on the plate,
slightly skewer images hanging on the walls,
randomly rearrange hifi and tv plugs, sticking them wherever they'll go,
activate an automatic channel search on their tv,
turn off their fridge,
mstrdsastr ยท 84 points ยท Posted at 14:17:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So...life with a toddler?
mullak33 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:56:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So what your saying is, to achieve all these at once, I should leave a random toddler there?
NooMoahk ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:13:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A siberian husky will also work.
mullak33 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:33:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If I'm getting a husky, I'm keeping it for myself not leaving it with some random people
mstrdsastr ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:36:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leaving a toddler unattended anywhere for any amount of time is nearly as destructive as a large tornado. Hell, an attended toddler can be a force of nature sometimes.
mullak33 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:54:25 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
After living with 4 siblings all younger than me, I can fully agree with this
notpetelambert ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:27:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But what's the point, my roommates do this all the time and they don't even have to break in
weezkitty ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:55:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jokes on them. It was never sorted
SJ_RED ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:56:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Okay there, Vlad the Impaler.
MengerSpongeCake ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:17:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
All of those are annoying except the last. That's just evil.
Shad786 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:41:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, don't unplug a fridge. My food is there; that is inexcusable.
Inflatious ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:29:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, a fridge that has/had food when unplugged or turned off is literally the worst thing you will ever smell.
Land_War_in_Asia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:31:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"In sort their DVD collection" made my eye twitch. You monster.
emi_bee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:44:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My father would be ready to kill if someone did this to him haha. No one touches the CDs or DVDs.
CptNonsense ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:11:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unsort my dvds and I will cut you
dontbuyCoDghosts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:00:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One better, if they have DVR set it up to record the most obscure show you can find, but set it to record a bunch of others too so it'll automatically change.
jellary ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:34:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unsort their DVD collection? You sick bastard.
DasJuden63 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:01:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Who still has a hi-fi stereo anymore?
ponytoaster ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 16:41:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find out when their white washing day is and place a soluble red dye pack in their water line. WHY IS EVERYTHING PINK.
Replace milk with just gone off milk every single night.
Change all the clocks to be behind by random amounts each day.
Replace all the pens with ones with dried out ink, especially the ones next to the phone.
And finally, install bad rats on every PC I find. Uninstalling everything else.
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 23:49:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
jgandfeed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:38:04 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"reverse defenestration" lol, defenestration is such a great word
rata2ille ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:05:46 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I guess it would be refenestration in this case, right?
Hyhena ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:52:09 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I am very impressed.
FieryWolf29 ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 13:15:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jam cutlery behind the drawers, and turning or rotating anything I see askew and out of place.
On a side note, I just found out that googling askew has an easter egg.
goggle_pocket ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:46:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know what I was expecting.
shocktribe ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:38:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
r/latetotheparty
yeoldeskinsuit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:39:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I appreciate this so much.
soberdude ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Easter Egg works on my phone too.
itsawunderbarlife ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 16:17:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Similar-ish story...
At uni my mate stayed in a tower block of student accommodation. His room was on the 10th floor. It was his birthday and naturally he was the most wasted and passed out when we all got back to his room. 2 girls had moved out from the bottom floor and had left their door open. My mates moved a bunch of his stuff in to the room, then last but not least, took him down on his mattress in the lift in to the room. They then proceeded to jump out the window and start screaming the place is on fire, and he wakes up to see us leaping out the window (thinking we are in his room on the 10th floor) and absolutely looses his mind with panic hahaha.
He was so angry for a good a hour then gave up and went back to sleep :P
ac3boy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:49:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That is good. lol
t014y ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 14:55:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move the creepy doll.
Hyhena ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:48:38 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'll burn the creepy doll.
My gf's parents collects and fixes old life like dolls and I am deathly afraid of them. So if one is out of place, I'll def destroy it quickly. Some of these dolls cost 5k.
AetherialAbyss ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 14:00:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put their keys inside a half-eaten jar of mayonnaise. Very few people have mayonnaise for breakfast and no one is going to look inside a jar of mayonnaise for their keys.
OR
Put googly eyes on all their photographs.
VeryMagical ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:44:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My very christian mum got mad once at Christmas time when I put googly eyes on Jesus in her nativity scene.
Hollowpoint- ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 14:20:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all of their clothes inside out.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 14:22:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
asillymuffin ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:45:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My favorite thing here is picturing a bugler on the floor with a protractor.
atomic1fire ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 13:07:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I hide a fart machine and several hidden cameras inside their house.
Then I just wait for prime opportunities to trigger the fart machine so that their social life becomes incredibly awkward.
tzenrick ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:47:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Won't work... A lot of us don't have social lives.
andwhyshouldi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:54:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hah, joke's on you, I have no social life.
highlydoubtthat ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 13:36:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Slowly replace their stuff with mine. I would start really small, like with cutlery, scissors, stationery, and other small items we all take for granted. Then move on to bigger items like pictures, until I got to the point of swapping out their furniture with mine.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:16:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Then use squater's rights to steal their home.
TmickyD ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 14:30:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
give them an fully set up, working aquarium. Then occasionally come back and add a few fish in it.
Burritosfordays ยท 63 points ยท Posted at 12:35:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shit in thier kettle.
ssfgrgawer ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 13:34:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
easy there Hitler.
petrichoire ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 15:11:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Easy there shitler
ThatGuyOnTheUnicycle ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:36:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Beat me to it. Have an upvote.
UncleGuggie ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:22:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shitler
SlitheryBuggah ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:51:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A bridges fan :)
Burritosfordays ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:45:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kevin is a great comedian
SlitheryBuggah ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:56:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yup. https://youtu.be/qkpyd2lr4dI
Votrrex ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:03:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So, kinda like Britain did to itself by leaving the EU
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:30:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Burritosfordays ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 17:44:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Agreed. Weak sauce.
instrun3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:54:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Even better in an English household
paddygordon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:30:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Spotted the Scottish person
SomethingSpecialMayb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:23:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
After a house party once one of my housemates put the kettle on to make a morning cuppa and after it started boiling we realised someone had vomited in the kettle the previous night.
terry5031 ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 15:30:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This won't ever get viewed, but I don't know how no one has thought of this... Change all their devices and electronics over to a foreign language setting.
xilef_destroy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:42:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That or put the "VoiceOver" option on on iPhones, it's a bitch
coromd ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:06:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/TalkBack on Android
andwhyshouldi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:54:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I did this to my friend's phone. She has no idea how to change the settings, so I went in and changed the date and time, removed keyboards, messed up the audio, changed her screensaver, and so on. She kept texting me about it and I'd pretend I had no idea- in fact I still pretend.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:16:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That is genius! My friend accidentally set her phone to another language, and couldn't figure out how to change it back. She had to find me in order to get it back to English since I am the only person she knew who could read it. It drove her nuts for days.
Hyhena ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:52:24 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh fuck you.
terry5031 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:10:24 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Diabolical, I know.
siouxsie_siouxv2 ยท 56 points ยท Posted at 12:34:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
talk to them. Confusing and annoying people comes naturally to me.
andremeda ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:21:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
yes
[deleted] ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 13:59:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You'll find your car keys. In the milk jug.
You'll find your dog. On the roof.
You'll get phone calls from every marketing agency representing plastic phallus suppliers across the nation.
You'll get subscribed the Columbia House. And I will take the first 6 discs you would have gotten for a penny each.
That elderly lady next door who lives alone since her husband died? She'll suddenly think your dick exists for her. You just couldn't stop writing those love letters on that fancy stationary you own.
I got your Microsoft Live Account banned.
You know that thing where all your cables tie themselves in knots? You're welcome.
It took some doing, but your ex you haven't seen in 10 years is pregnant. And its yours.
Your mother now thinks I'm your husband. She wants to know when we met, why she wasn't invited to the ceremony, and when you came out gay, cuz she missed that.
Your sister now calls your daddy.
Oh, and I did break the rules; I stole your Samsung 50in 4K. I replaced it with a 32in 1080i Emerson.
gameaddict877 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:06:26 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I... Can you... Can you teach me your ways?
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:27:31 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've superglued your sheets to your mattress, but only in two spots diagonally opposite from one another.
Your pin number is now one digit longer and your username now rhymes with "orange".
I swapped ALL of your silverware to the exact locations in the kitchen from where they used to be.
Your garage door opener now flushes the toilet.
You have a tramp stamp of a barking dog spanking a whale.
Your music collection is now entirely comprised of "Careless Whisper", except for one copy of Bitchin' Camaro.
I gave you back your Samsung 4K. It now has one dead pixel, just to the left of center.
I set your microwave to always cook at low power.
I swapped the hot and cold knobs on your shower.
All of your mail now goes to the house next door.
Your daughter is now listed on craigslist as "I'm a budding flower, will you pollenate me?"
All of your wife's tampons have been soaked in lemon and habanero pepper juice. I also removed all the ear plugs you own.
The pistol you keep in the top shelf of the closet has been swapped with a very realistic looking water gun that shoots pee.
All those limes in your fridge? Lemons with green paint. All those lemons? Lemons.
I regapped all of your spark plugs to be just a hair too wide.
Your fire extinguisher now shoots silly string.
Your phone's new ringtone is the climatic part of a hardcore anal porn sequence. Yes, there is a clown in it.
Your father will receive a rather unflattering poorly photoshopped image of you doing something unspeakably horrible to the cutest baby seal in the history of man.
I re-registered you as a Green Party member.
At 2:23AM Eastern Standard Time, your phone inexplicably places a call to the sheriff's office that plays a wacky tune about how you're a naughty little girl who wants to play with their "big gun".
The contents of your mustard, ketchup, mayo, and thousand island dressing have been swapped with dish soap.
Your car alarm is now set to go off every morning at 6:59AM. The aforementioned anal porn sequence is the sound it makes.
And, finally, I replaced your spray-on cologne with bear mace.
gameaddict877 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:36:11 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The limes are the only things that go over the edge.
gameaddict877 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:36:33 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And you managed to fuck with just about everything, but the kitchen sink.
fallopianfuck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:09:03 on July 1, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
the ex was pregnant for ten years?
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:34:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change all the locks then leave a riddle telling them where the keys to get in are hidden.
SMvsBM ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 13:14:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the wrappers off of their canned goods.
OverHaze ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:21:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shave a quarter of an inch off the legs of every chair and table in the house. Everything will seem wrong but they won't be able to say why.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:42:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, add an inch to their cane and furniture every night. Convince them they are shrinking.
OverHaze ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:47:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Good man!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:49:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Okay now I'm confused. What do you mean m8.
OverHaze ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:14:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was making a kind of sort of Roald Dahl reference and was glad someone picked up on it!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:17:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ohhh. I see. No problem sir. I love Roald Dahl.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:34:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I leave a note that that says something like "I have stolen one small but precious/important item ...haha, thanks!"
I take nothing.
chuckerphucker ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:51:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I actually used to do this in high school. I would get a hall pass and pick the lock to the teachers lounge. I would go into the fridge and mix up all the items in the teachers lunches, trading snacks and drinks between all of the different lunch boxes. I was a bastard....
fallopianfuck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:13:16 on July 1, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
thats amezing
chuckerphucker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:46:36 on July 2, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha thanks! I thought it was brilliant in my adolescence!
JayJayJax ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 16:16:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plant an annoyatron in every room of the house. It emits a beep at random intervals, is often enough for you to notice it but infrequent enough that it's very difficult to locate and find. Will slowly drive them mad and, yeah, is almost impossible to find
/
http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/ihvg/?itm=annoyatron&rkgid=274593760&cpg=oggdgt1&source=google_gadgets&adpos=1t1&creative=96557296365&device=m&matchtype=e&network=g&gclid=CjwKEAjw-r27BRCzsNyzrMrM-j0SJACp2TiBnous6olqU7nrGY19sZMDRoziI-N8BG18APfy6zPigxoCrujw_wcB
KaraWolf ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:31:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like trying to locate the damn dying smoke detector.
JayJayJax ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:42:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly like that!
phlatulant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:08:28 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The new ones suck ass. Try to source the older model.
tenderlobotomy ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:20:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove the labels from every canned good in their pantry.
mhayden1981 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:28:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Even better. Switch them all around and reglue. Suddenly all of their canned goods contain something different than the label. In their entire life, they'll never be able to explain that.
tenderlobotomy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This would definitely be better, imagine the confusion increasing every time they open a new can!
PremSinha ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 13:26:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stick a post-it note in an appropriate place reading, "Remember to call Ross!" It works well whether they know a Ross or not.
spookyghost1 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:25:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If it's a dude's house replace all his asprin with viagra.
protheist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:56:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yup, that will kill him when his BP bottoms out
pinniples ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:20:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Toast all their bread
Ranku_Abadeer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
make sure to put it back the way you found it. bonus points if it takes them a few days to realize what you did.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:31:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave lava lamps in people's houses.
pureVR ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:46:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ok dane you silly bitch.
DeeAmi ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:10:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I do not recall the painting, but I recall my mother telling the story. Mom painted back in the day and hung her work around the house. One of the paintings was in hers and Dads bedroom. Mom got the wild hair one day to change the traffic signal color to red. Dad gets in bed and stares at the painting for several minutes before mentioning he always thought the signal was green. Next day she changed it back to green. I think she said this went on for about a week before Dad caught on.
mirthquake ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:32:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Something quite odd happened to my family: Mom & Dad split when I was 16. Mom moved into a lovely little house right near the high school. In the backyard stood an large, old, ratty above-ground swimming pool. I loved it, but Mom considered it a major eyesore and decided it had to go.
One summer, after the pool had been opened and filled up with chlorinated water, Mom called contractors to find out how much it would cost to remove the pool. The answer was a lot. Like $500ish. The expensive part of the job, these contractors explained, was removing the water itself. It couldn't simply be dumped on the lawn--there was far too much of it to just seep into the soil--so a truck with a huge tank and a pump would have to be rented and driven into our backyard. Mom was bummed out. I went for a celebratory midnight swim.
The next day I walked out back for a morning swim and the pool was dry as a bone. No water in or around it. I asked Mom how she'd managed to get the water removed so quickly. She had no clue what I was talking about, and was SHOCKED to see that the water was all gone (ALL gone!). There was no dampness on the surrounding lawn, no tire tracks, no hoses or pumps, no signs of anything required to remove that much water. And none of us heard any noises that night. We still have no clue who did this, or how, or why.
So, do that to someone. I can say from experience that it's an effective and enduring mindfuck.
legendofzeldaro1 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:51:12 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Joke is on you, it was your mom the whole time.
MissPariz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:52:06 on June 28, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Everytime I've seen someone empty their pool the hose leads out to the sidewalk/street. Many people do this.
mirthquake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:05:18 on June 28, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Very interesting. So someone could have used a long hose to syphon away most of the water, and sopped up the rest with a shop vac or towels. Thanks for commenting--this info actually provides the first physically feasible explanation I've yet to hear. I cannot imagine what that person's agenda was, but now I can picture the deed.
MissPariz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:15:06 on June 28, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
More specifically everyone uses their garden hose. There's nothing to soak up if you put the hose on the street/sidewalk. You don't want the grass to have the chlorine water.
vheissu417 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 14:29:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wet Bandits
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:12:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm really surprised this isn't higher up...it might date us.
Hyhena ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:54:37 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dog is named Bandit. Please don't dose my dog with water, he always smells like outside.
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 12:36:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Boil some mayonnaise.
swervelord ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:48:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You monster, frisbee.
LeucanthemumVulgare ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:16:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Simple and straightforward, yet still with a hefty dose of wtfuckery. I like it.
daddaman1 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:59:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take selfies of themselves sleeping on their phones. Change their contacts around. Theyd never know whos really calling (unless they know the number). Change their kitchen drawers and cabinets around. Hide all the toilet paper.
Novelty-Accnt ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:17:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all of their clocks back an hour.
claytun ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:35:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I add cutout pictures of myself into as many family photos/photos hanging on the wall. Behind each photo I write I was here, and here, and here, etc. but all with different dates so they think someone keeps breaking into there house
PoliticalAmoeba ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:23:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's a very good way to get caught
ClearNorDiscript ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:40:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything three inches to the left.
10noop20goto10 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:13:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace the allspice berry with a coco puff in the pickle jar.
Nosloc54 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:06:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always that it was funny to go into computer settings and change keybinds for the keyboard around so when you type a certain letter or common words (like, and, it, the) etc. The system would autocorrect it to something crazy like mother fucker, or something obsen.
RememberMeWhenImDead ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:31:18 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Obscene?
Nosloc54 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:43:37 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah lol I didn't even realize that lol
chaosmech ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:24:37 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I did that to my freshman-year roommate. Fucker had been annoying me a bit lately so when he went to the bathroom and left his Microsoft Word open, I went in and changed his auto-correct to replace his own name with "Cow Fucker".
J37hr0 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:50:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unscrew all the light bulbs, push raisins into the tooth paste, rearrange the kitchen cabinets and drawers. Flip the hot cold cartridge in the faucets, flip all the circuit breakers off.
SmoothJFunk ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:15:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Chloroform the home owner, brush his/her teeth, tuck him/her into bed, leave 20 dollars on the nightstand
lehrnyx ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:27:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Used to do this for funsies: had a buddy really obsessed with counting his Chips Ahoy cookies to ensure no one stole them. Naturally, every so often I'd take 1 or 2. I wouldn't eat them. I'd wait until he almost ran out, then replace them. He would lose his mind.
InTheKeyOfAbMajor ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:30:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would find letters and notebooks to learn how the owner of the house writes. Both his style and penmanship.
Then, I would scatter fake notes from the future he would've left for himself in his house. Not many. One at a time.
They would read as warnings of events yet to come. Events I would make happen to him/her. Or not. Depends, there has to be some sort of margin of error, and let aforementioned owner feel like they can actually change their future.
kr4v3n ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:35:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This thing right here
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 13:01:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the clocks to 20mins behind the actual time. Its close enough not to arouse suspicion (i.e setting a time for 12 when it is 6 is too drastic). 20 mins enough time to inconvenience them and they would soon come to the realisation that they cannot trust their house clocks.
Staarlord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:40:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I just had a dream about this last night, my laptop was 20 minutes fast. I thought I was for school then looked at another clock and realized the laptop was wrong. Oh darn, I'm not late for school.
Cool story right?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:52:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I also do Inception, fam
pixelmeow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:03:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So it's YOU coming to my house! We have one clock that is always ahead by half an hour and stops and starts randomly. It will start, mom will set it to the correct time, and it will automatically go ahead 30 minutes. NOW I KNOW WHY.
xilef_destroy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:26:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe change the batteries
Guustaaf ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 13:52:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
This happened to Famke Janssen (Jean Grey from the x-men): someone broke into her house and left the children's book "The Lonely Doll" by her bed.
ClassyCyberman ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 15:51:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kick down their door but don't take anything
topofsneakpeak ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:59:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Classic dane
ClassyCyberman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:00:01 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
B&E, man, B&E.
[deleted] ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 13:20:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[removed]
aristotlehatesyou ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 14:34:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, buddy. We're trying to mess with them, not cripple em'.
TheHoundInIreland ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:40:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You fucking monster
Palakost ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:34:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Calm down Satan.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:37:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
calm down, hitler
still_stunned ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:42:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Clear blocks for maximum surprise and paranoia.
Inflatious ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:48:46 on August 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I can step on Legos and not be in excutiating pain. Your tricks shan't work on me, mortal!
Manticorps ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 14:34:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tie his shirts in knots.
Cut his shower curtains in half waist high so when he's in using it, people can see his junk.
Doing the jerkoff's taxes so next year the IRS will audit the piss out of him.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:41:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Im all about that shit! But you don't stun gun a guy who is a god damn legend
AElicious ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:11:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hitler, 1940 is that way.
comfy_socks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:24:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
These are my favorite.
TotheVILLAINS ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 14:24:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal their wallet and mail it to them with double the cash in it and a nice note.
Deavian ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:13:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
0x2 is still 0
xilef_destroy ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:30:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But you get a nice note
TotheVILLAINS ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:30:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not if you study terryology!
Catalclyst ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:27:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mind breaking into my house real quick?
TotheVILLAINS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:06:19 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Anything decent in the liqour cabinet? I'm not a drunk but if i'm going to steal I need some tough guy soup...
Catalclyst ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:58:05 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Double the contents with a nice note and I'll buy something expensive.
TotheVILLAINS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:19:29 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
what's your address?
Byud08 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:43:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take one sock from their load of laundry, then disappear cackling into the night
flatline904 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:54:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
First I would build some super satanic shrine in a random closet; pentagrams, fake blood, you name it. Then I would change every electronic device in the house to a foreign language Lastly I'd find their dvd/cd collection and I would swap all the cd's around so you never knew what you were gonna find when you opened one up
basketofflies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:39:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I never put my CDs back in the right box so you'd have one less thing to do in my house
Inflatious ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:54:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I never put my CDs back in the box. I just leave them out. You would be helping me clean.
gameaddict877 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:59:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But, what if I already have a super satanic shrine in all of my closets?
Squidlypants ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:23:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all of their shoes with identical pairs, one size smaller.
AndyD421 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:27:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd walk into their kitchen, and cook all the food that they had. Seven course meal if possible. Ideally, I could break in the night before Thanksgiving, and cook an entire Thanksgiving dinner while they sleep.
AustinFit ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:14:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dryer Sheets in the air ducts. Make the house smell amazing all the time.
[deleted] ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 12:56:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:21:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The police in Zimbabwe?
BlackAndArtsy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:50:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes.
DoctorLoveMuffin ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 12:22:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the wall hangings slightly so they sit at a very slight angle. Every time the house owners fix them, break in again and do the same thing. Rinse and repeat.
bjb13 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:46:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My cleaning lady does that every time she cleans.
savysays ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:28:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believe this is already happening to me
xanthippa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:54:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Live near the railroad..
Are you breaking into my house every time the train goes by?
'Cause that would make sense.
Phantomknight8324 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:05:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
INSTALL WINDOWS 10 ON HIS PC BY ENABLING AUTO DOWNLOAD UPDATES
Inflatious ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:51:17 on August 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Too late. My computer just all of a sudden decided "Nope you're using Windows 10 now!"
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:23:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
wcc445 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:12:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I read that as Zuckerberg and got confused.
LaLongueCarabine ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 12:59:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Saran wrap on the toilets
rissa39 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:38:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In high school I worked at a movie theatre and we had these middle school girls come in and do this to our toilets. It wasn't fun to clean up.
lisoyamedancer ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 14:31:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Simple. Clean up their room and arrange their things in order. They will be surprised at first. They may even ask around for you. But keep on doing that on a daily basis. Eventually they will think that they have a guardian angel or something of that manner. They will be happy, overjoyed even. Their cleaning needs are fullfilled! One fine day, just stop doing that. They will be surprised for sure, but they will wait for u . Eventually, they will begin to grow insane, waiting for an invisible entity which took care of them just like their mom. And slowly, they slip into depression and will seek treatment, or will move away for a well deserved vacation. Aaaand thats when you jump in and take their things. Dont forget to leave a note, saying ...'yours truly , guardian angel'.
MrCelroy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:32:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plot twist, they're a hoarder.
mikevanatta ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:48:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace the batteries in every device that needs them with batteries that are already dead. Bonus points for doing this multiple times over a period of time.
TheMissingKey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:45:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ohoh and if they store batteries in a box or something, mix the dead batteries with new ones too
CapnDiddlez ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:07:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would move every piece of furniture a few inches towards one direction to ensure that people stub their toes while they are half awake or in a hurry...
NotTheBatman_ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:12:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fill up the sugar jar with salt. Nothing like a freshly brewed cup of salty coffee in the morning to ruin your entire day.
CylonGlitch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:30:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Also change their coffee to decaf!
cashbendytoot ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:58:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Paint all of thier lightbulbs
Rudy_2D_Muffrider ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:47:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave the water running while they're on vacation. Home alone style
SureIllProduceThat ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:21:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of an award-winning short film I produced... (in 24 hrs lol) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqN7WGmsj-A
andyjonesx ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:37:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Clean their toilet.
GuntherIsLoved ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:32:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This would get to me in the strangest way
Popetpoo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:19:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sneak into their house, and leave just a few seconds left on their microwave for months, then stop for a while then start putting watermelons in their oven just for further confusion.
DistortedVoid ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:33:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That reminds me of this Dane Cook bit that he does:
https://youtu.be/Rb7eNTmhr8E?t=355
RockChewy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:51:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
At night when the family is gone, kick down their front door and leave a lava lamp and when they fix it... Do it again.
thewolfonlsd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You sir truly know how to fuck with people
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:37:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace every photo in a frame with pictures of Hugh Jackman, leave an empty Hello Kitty juice box on the kitchen counter, and place a note underneath it saying "Deadpool was here :)"
Noahskey ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:59:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the batteries from the remotes and take all the phone chargers. Why? I just feel like that'll cause a lot of confusion
jzl_116 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:00:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
this is evil
jeebs67 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:28:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Screenshot PC desktop, set as wallpaper, delete all shortcut icons.
Vicianus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:25:03 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Save background/User icon images to a flash drive Hard reset their computer, replace the customized features but all their other settings are gone.
Spexor ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:08:12 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put silverware in the pancake drawer.
Bakkie ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:04:17 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
what is a pancake drawer?
qweqazqsx ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:31:10 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mix-up all the big spoons and the little spoons.
averytolar ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 16:08:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
First, I clog up all the drains with a t-shirt. Then, I open the faucets and let the water run while the family is away on vacation. Then, I'll throw a tarantula on my face and hit myself with a snow shovel in the front yard, so that law enforcement can easily find me.
Unih0rny ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:03:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Home alone?
LiveMaI ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:54:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The wet bandits!
ObviouslyNotAMoose ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 12:11:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Brew coffee.
Kim_Jong_OON ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:52:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldn't even notice you were there, and you'd have to empty the 1/2 full pot that's probably already there. But I would thank past-me for the coffee.
NasalSnack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:31:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tricked! The coffee is terribly weak.
Blast338 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:08:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Even better if they don't have a coffee maker and you bring your own.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:24:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
That would be wonderfully confusing. Kind of like when I came home & had a new entertainment center, a dresser, and a whole lot of books. I finally figured out that it's the new guy I've been dating. He even makes me coffee...he doesn't drink coffee himself. I think I'll keep him around.
FarBoy ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 12:33:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave important shit in different places that the person might feasibly have left them. Eg keys in the couch.
Turn the shower on slightly so it drips.
Steal a random assortment of socks so that it's impossible to make a matching pair.
Jaloss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:53:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
TIL I have a FarBoy in my house
Kim_Jong_OON ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:54:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Will you leave my house alone?
cayoloco ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:42:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jokes on you, all my socks are the same for this very reason.
weeetart ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:44:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Use my phone which has an IR blaster to keep changing the channel on them when it gets to the good part of a show.
monkeybassturd ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:44:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I do this randomly to my neighbor.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 13:06:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
smonkweed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:28:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So they no longer tie the room together... That's a good one!
tankgirl85 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:31:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not a robber in real life but my husband and I love to prabk our friends when we go to their places. My husband strategically places stickynotes that say butthead everywhere hidden and I hide candy. Lasr newyears we were at a friends place. I brought a huge bag of quality street with me and throughout the night hid them. Some in pots some in pictures on the wall some in bags of spice. They are still finding them. They also must never use corriander for anything because they have never opened the spice bag and found it. That was my favorite one...for some reason the idea that they will open their spice to cook and find a candy inside makes me happy.
CylonGlitch ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 15:28:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Huh? Asphalt or Concrete? And what makes it quality. I'm confused.
tankgirl85 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:13:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Quality street is an amazing candy that is various kinds of caramels and chocolates in rainbow wrappers. I thought everyone knew it but it must be a canadian thing. Everyone gets quality street and ferrero rocher for christmas.
TakeItCheesy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:17:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Can confirm is also a UK thing
tankgirl85 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:06:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It should be an everywhere thing. They are amazing.
CylonGlitch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:42:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Never heard of either quality street or ferrero rocher. Sorry, maybe really a Canadian thing.
xilef_destroy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm (French) Canadian and I never heard about quality street
CylonGlitch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:32:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/shurg, then I have absolutely nothing.
tankgirl85 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ferrero rocher are wafer balls filled with hazeltnut chocolate creme and a hazelnut. Then they are then covered with milk chocolate and crushed hazelnuts. They are amazing.
CylonGlitch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds good, maybe I can order some online.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:53:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I assumed it was drugs.
tankgirl85 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:06:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Funny story.
One time an aquintance came to their house and went to the washroom. Before he left he said: "if the cops ask , I was never here" then ran out the door.
They got worried and went to the bathroom and searched it. They found a bunch of drugs in the toilet tank. Kinda where I got the idea to hide non illegal candy...its a more pleasent suprise.
9th_wave ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:36:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
it's a uk thing too.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 12:18:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Completely wreck the house and leave an envelope with enough money to cover the damages.
ChefChopNSlice ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 14:36:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If the homeowners had dogs, hide a small electronic device with speaker that played a recording of a dog whistle, all night long. Set device on a timer so that it only went off at night. Homeowners will think their dog is possessed.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:08:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That is called animal cruelty. You fucking Nazi.
[deleted] ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 12:13:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Communicate with them via interpretive dance only.
NinjaRobotPilot ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:23:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Better yet, to avoid direct contact, leave a few digital picture frames of you doing this in random locations of their home.
A40 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:11:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is why even pacifists kill.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:14:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Only prob, if they really like dance, this may be the result
ibdx ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 12:21:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take a dump in tupperware and put it in the fridge.
LGBTreecko ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:40:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Label it, "Leftovers"
smalltowngirltv ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:44:58 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or take all of your shits for 3 months in tupperware. Keep them in your freezer. One day put all of them at once in their fridge. Filling it top to bottom.
Herr_Doktore ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 13:57:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Next to the kettle?
ruoqiLehTmAI ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:30:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"META"L
Kerbologna ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:21:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange the furniture.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 12:24:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Kerbologna ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:28:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I hadn't considered moving it just a few inches. That's just evil.
DocHolliday13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:31:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That was my first idea. Move it just enough so it's not immediately obvious, but when you use it, everything just seems off.
bcassalino ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:27:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stick several posters or photos of Putin, Trump, Hillary, or their neighbors taking a bath on their walls and ceilings. Then leave a blue watermelon or pineapple in the middle of the living room just to confuse them further.
xZoltenx ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:17:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, average Tuesday for this guy. Rearrange furniture when family leaves. Switch Every single photo in the house with either a picture of a hairy naked guy or exotic photos of average food. If it's a religious household I flip the crosses upside down. If they have children I search for the Legos and scatter them through the house in strategic positions Females, switch nail polish caps with other nail polish caps, leave hair curler on. Last one (but my favorite) leaving an ungodly amount of hair next too a shower drain.
ch3663 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:44:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leaving a hair curler on can set the house on fire...
eros2109 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:28:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace toothbrushes with cutlery, switch them up. Cutlery in the bathroom, toothbrushes in the kitchen.
basketofflies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:13:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Buy multiple tooth brushes, rub them on the ground really hard so they get the impression that they've been used and fill their cutlery drawer with them- get rid of all of the other cutlery but (number of people in house) spoons
sl1msn1per ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:36:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Toast their bread and put it back in the wrapping.
Kahnonymous ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 13:24:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stretch out their condoms so they think their schlong is shrinking
AWebDeveloper ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 15:45:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think that's how it works.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:34:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How would you get it back in the wrapper? Right?
Manakel93 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 14:27:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
First I would make sure to eat a bunch of really spicy, really weird food for lunch. Maybe some of it is purposefully prepared wrong or out of date, maybe not.
I'd wait until it's dark outside and sneak over to their house, entering silently; carrying with me only a paintbrush.
By this time, my lunch will have had time to digest and ferment into a putrid, agonizing sludge in my digestive tract and should be ready to spew forth from my sphincter. But I don't let it.
Instead, I simply release a small amount onto the paintbrush and begin my work.
I can't make it too obvious where I lay my excrement. I have to be creative. On the bottom bookshelves, inside lamp shades, on top of ceiling fans, the underside of couches. That type of thing.
I am no mere burglar. I am an artist, and my medium is shit. Each brush stroke must be inspired. There must be no happy accidents, for I am not a happy little tree.
Every time my brush gets dry I must replenish it, clenching around the torrent of vile shit inside me and allowing only a small amount to be squeezed out like the toothpaste of Satan himself.
I move from room to room, lovingly leaving my fetid essence everywhere and yet nowhere at all. There is no one place they can say the smell will come from. There is no place they can clean to remove it.
The rancid odor is forever a part of their home. They will never be rid of it.
And thus, they will never be rid of me.
AussieMoisture ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:29:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't forget to put it in the air-con. And the vent of the bathroom.
CylonGlitch ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:18:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the vent covers off, and brush inside the vents.
Manakel93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:33:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Behind the stove...
pugsaremydrugs ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:45:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Gj, stealing stories from other people
Manakel93 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:12:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I tried to find the whole thing to copy-paste but had to basically write from memory. :(
CylonGlitch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:18:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wouldn't it just be easier to poop in a bucket and bring it with you? I mean trying to let a little squeeze out each time is a disaster waiting to happen.
DEEP_VEIN_THROMBOSIS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:26:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What the actual fuck, dude. This is one of the most well written things I think I've read about being terrible.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:18:22 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Welcome... to Poรถphaus.
fallopianfuck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:51:18 on July 1, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
4chan
ascaffo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:25:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Adjust the television and all of the pictures and furnishings just a bit. This shouldn't be noticed immediately and it would be annoying.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:26:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Universal-Cereal-Bus ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 13:03:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nailed it, bro.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:37:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
please tell me the parent comment?
Universal-Cereal-Bus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:47:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Said kidnapping their girlfriend.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:52:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you! :3
whatisthisidontevenf ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:48:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Spray water over all my victim's socks every night
gameaddict877 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:11:29 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What you're supposed to do is get the socks wet, then leave them in the freezer. I used to do this to my friend every time he slept over at my house, steal a sock, freeze it, wake up before him and leave it on the table next to him and fall asleep again.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:58:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
really messy entrance and exit, smash a window break the locks and steal... nothing they will be wondering what what stolen for the rest of there lives
NUT_DOWNLEFT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:46:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your grammar sucks Mr. RandomCow909 Their not there
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There lives matter
Hullabalooga ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:07:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove the batteries out of every electronic device I can find, then place them in a random drawer.
KitKatMasterJapan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:10:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
slightly open all their jars/anything with a lid.
I_AM_YOUR_WEINER ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:12:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave empty bottles and syringes near they beds and move things randomly.
Let them think they're junkies!
xilef_destroy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:45:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Didn't know my dick could write
waggonerja ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:25:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just leave the door open. Maybe knock over a few things, open drawers etc so they can tell someone has been there. But remove nothing. I think Dane Cook joked about it once and how it would drive people insane to not be able to figure out what was stolen.
mooncricket18 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:41:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And take a big shit in the middle of the room
Myster_Perfect ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:36:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
First do recognizance and take pictures of their art and pictures, everything. Then go back to the cia headcorters and make mirror images of everthing. Finally go back to the place you first visited and replace all their art and pictures with their mirror images. Also dont forget to replace all disturbed dust so nobody thinks anyone was there.
DontToewsMeBro2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:43:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had a friend that would literally break into mine & friends houses just to fuck with us. His #1 offense (among many) would be to grab a slice of cheese from the fridge & put them in all of our coat pockets.
Really confusing on your way to class.
WWDubz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:02:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's a movie with a whole segment like this:
http://m.imdb.com/title/tt0211915/
:D
I'm unoriginal so I'll post the movie.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:04:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I flip the toilet paper?...
TheTrueKitKat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:31:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You are the devil personified.
LonesomeBigMIke ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:17:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shift all of their furniture just enough that they don't notice but start bumping it in the dark.
47Racing ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:20:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would replace all of their toilet paper with single ply. And make sure it rolls under, not over.
dopetank ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:22:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You monster
THEMASTERWALRUS ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:24:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the time on all their appliances and devices with clocks so that each is a few minutes faster/slower than the rest.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:30:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
CylonGlitch ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:19:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make sure that they are good friends so that they see their stuff at their friends house. Try to make it the most sentimental things possible.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:31:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal the produce out of their fridge.
vakavaka ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:32:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I plug the sinks and turn them on, then leave a card stating you've been had by the Wet Bandits!
Robotsadog ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:32:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into a procrastinator's home and move wallet and keys in the middle of the night. This is what I imagine my wife does while I am trying to sprint out of the house and not be late.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:34:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Keep putting dead batteries into all electronics and deleting just a couple of shows form their DVR
ronm4c ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:35:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Correctly prepare the victim's taxes.
contrarian_barbarian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:35:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
mushroomgroup ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:36:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Every morning taking a dump in their toilet.. and not flushing
s_paperd ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:37:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
what the fuck is it with reddit and sticking toothbrushes in their ass?
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:40:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
you don't do that?
CylonGlitch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:30:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Where else do you keep your toothbrush?
s_paperd ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:44:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I guess I've been wrong my whole life. I always felt like something was missing
burgerpantz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:39:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd leave every single piece of furniture to the right by an inch or two. Enough that they wouldn't notice, but enough to throw them off in their habits and occasionally bump a hip or two.
GenGenocide ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:39:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shift things just slightly out of place. Barely an inch or two. Tables and things on the counters. Not only with this take awhile to figure out but it will mess up all muscle memory. Reaching for things that have always been there? Missed it. Rounding a corner? Straight into the edge of a table or into a chair.
iusedtobeasheep ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:40:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave an extra pair of shoes or extra clothes in their house periodically. If they are single and then they will just be insanely confused
night_shift_psycho ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:46:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reverse 3 of the doors inside the house and wash (not dry) a load of laundry.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:46:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd cut off the bottom half of their shower curtain. That way when they shower people can see their junk.
TheyCallMeShitHead ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:48:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ok Frank lay off the Riterall.
dcostalis ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:47:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I stop calling myself a burglar.
_the_upvote_fairy_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:47:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch all of the sugar and the salt.
Lady_Sara_Lane ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:49:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove and then later replace canned goods when it is noticed that their missing.
A_Bridgeburner ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:49:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide the remote.
xcessivebutfuk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:53:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tilt every picture slightly to the left
Crivens1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:55:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I turn over the TP roll.
NEXT_VICTIM ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:56:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
First, I would remove all bathroom light bulbs. Then I would Saran Wrap the toilet bowls so anything would splash or sit on top.
Secondly, I would take a few raw eggs and put them in various places that get warm. Inside the drier, under a sink, inside or near vents or radiators, you get the idea.
Lastly, I would loosen the screws on 60% of the doorknobs and remove the pins on the remaining 40%. The'll never know how hard they need to pull to open a door again.
warst1993 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:59:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ahaha that made my day, also cool username
NEXT_VICTIM ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:08:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Glad to help!
Dogs_Ashtray ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:57:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave an unloaded shotgun under their bed with pistol ammunition.
Aluminum_Falcons ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:59:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into two houses and switch their family photos.
gorilla_naked ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:00:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unplug the fridge, flip off a couple switches in the breaker box, and turn off the water heater
I_hate_artillery ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:10:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Strategically place Lego bricks in the hallways.
Sleepless_Devil ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:10:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds like a writing prompt.
JDFirenze ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:13:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sprinkle legos over the floor
k0enf0rNL ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:13:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hang every frame upside down, even the tv.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:13:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move every piece of furniture over just one inch. Enough that you don't see it, but enough that you might stumble over it because it's not in the right place.
AbjectDisaster ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:13:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take a tin of paint (Don't ask why I have it), remove the top. Take the top of the toilet tank cover (The part you remove to take an upper decker) and flip the full tin of paint on top of it so that it is sealed to the top. Place the cover back on.
Other than that? Classic mischief of pooping in the toaster.
onlyymq ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:13:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
switch the order in which the cutlery is stored in the kitchen drawers
EasyPanicButton ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:14:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is why we need to bring back the death penalty.
onlyymq ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:16:26 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"please don't kill me sir! I only took your forks and put them where your spoons were!"
kingjaymz3 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:16:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Get the computer and put all the keys in alphabetical order.
protheist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:27:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just change their keyboard layout to Dvorak in the OS. Getting a new keyboard will just make them WTF more.
LawRue ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:17:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lock EVERYTHING. Bedroom doors? Lock 'em. Bathroom doors? Locked. Every drawer in all of your desks? Locked. And who the hell remembers where the keys for those are? Closet doors? Locked. Medicine cabinets? Lock 'em.
cryomancer27 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:19:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck around with the autocorrect on their phone, have it say "me" every time they type "you", maybe have it change your to you're and the reverse, have it replace words with slightly incorrect spellings.
GuntherIsLoved ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:30:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"text" to "sext," "texting" to "sexting," ect.
lrmc93 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:19:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
leave lego blocks on the floor by their beds. do this every morning a few hours before they wake.
BiggusDickus123 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:19:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flood the basement.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:19:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cut off the bottom halves of their shower curtains.
blot101 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:20:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
O.k. I got this. Go to the closet where they keep their shoes, and tie all their shoes slightly tighter than they are already tied. Cut one of their laces where they can't see it is cut. Trim the toothbrushes a little. not much though.
If they have beer in their fridge, put one in the freezer. If you can, slide their tv or entertainment center a few inches in one direction. Unplug some electronics, but only slightly so it looks still plugged in. Same with Ethernet cords and the mouse or keyboard. But, on top of that, turn off their power strip, so they think they solved the problem. You're going to want to put some salt in the water area of the coffee maker.
Put a little piece of Bread in the oven, just down there in the bottom.
Also, bouillon cubes in the shower head.
protheist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:20:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Put socks over their bananas, put the toilet brushes in the dishwasher, make clear jello in every toilet and sink, put a can of tuna in the oven or a raw egg in the microwave.
Mi_Lady ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:20:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put a cape on the dog
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:22:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I break in every morning and change the fire alarms battery to nearly dead batteries that beep occasionally.
ericfussell ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:22:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would refold all their laundry, but inside out. Not only would this delay them ~5 minutes in the morning doing whatever they do, but it would also cause utmost confusion. Not just this. I would be even more malicious and flip everything in the refrigerator upside down! (Only stuff that wouldn't spill, as I'm not rude of course) I wouldn't stop there. I would flip everything in their pantry as well. Imagine the chaos that would ensue, going to make your breakfast in the morning (delayed already after having to right-side out your socks) and having to try to find the cereal in all of the upside down calamity! The world shall feel my wrath, one family at a time!
Jerl ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:23:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is this supposed to be a hypothetical question? Because you've just accurately described my life.
CookedBred ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:27:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If it's a blind persons home I'd just move all the furniture around a few inches.
twoLegsJimmy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:27:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap the cat for a very similar one.
nick1235 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:28:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change all their alarm to 5 in the morning
Milo_Minderbinder_22 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:30:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the furniture in the house an inch or two to the left... Stubbed toes all day.
librlman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:30:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide bricks of cocaine in obvious places around the house. Park an unmarked black van with gov't plates in the neighborhood.
xxCLJ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:30:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace the sugar with salt.
ElhnsBeluj ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:31:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
superglue all their shoes to the ceiling.
ThatOtherGuy_CA ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:31:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap where their plates and cutlery are in their cupboards and drawers.
BedpostSombrero ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:34:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Angle all the furniture in their house slightly.
Repeat nightly until they say fuck it and end up living with angled furniture forever
?????
Profit
elnomnom ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:34:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave pennies in random places. Just start with one or two a few times a week. Leave one on an end table, then three in the refrigerator, etc. Then after a month or so it's up to 8 pennies here and 12 pennies there and super glue some down. Imagine the confusion caused by these phantom pennies.
ShadeofIcarus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:37:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I take their keys and hide them in the freezer.
kardiffkook ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:38:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go into their router and redirect google to ask.com, facebook to myspace, amazon to stupid.com, etc. Randomly throttle any laptops/iphones/ipads but leave random IoT things and roku/apple tv/etc alone. Of course change the router admin password.
NocturnalToxin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:40:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't do anything.
I just stand in their home and...
Feel.
dontworryskro ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:40:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
leave the fridge door wide open
gaybaconstrips ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:41:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You monster
Firebat12 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:41:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move their keys, cell phone, dog leash, tv remotes and game controllers to a bunch of different couches
Douche_Kayak ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:43:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Clog up all their sinks and turn on the faucets
srcowie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:48:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all their faucets on and leave then running after I leave. They'll know the wet bandits were here.
Jackostar10000 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:50:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Alrighty, Id find some highly religious family, One with alt least 2 sons, some livestock etc, and reenact the plagues of Egypt on their household.
Over the span of 10 days i would bust in and do the days plague.
Water into blood: Probably achievable by cramming some red powder up the water taps or something.
Frogs: Pretty simple, buy some frogs. Put them inside. Easy.
Lice: Get some lice (somehow) and put them onto things like Haircombs?
Flies: Simple Enough, Get Flies. Toss em in.
Deceased Livestock: Grab a Knife. Go to town on whatever animal they're raising in the backyard.
Boils: Rub boil causing bacteria(?) all over the house (somehow).
Thunderstorm of hail and fire: Hire a hot air balloon, fly it at night, go over the house and drop firecrackers, ice and homemade molotov's. Get the fuck out of there before I'm noticed.
Locusts: Easy enough, Get locusts, Toss em in.
Darkness for 3 days: Take out the home electricity, not sure how.
Death of first born: (~ยฐ อสยฐ~)
Written at 2 in the morning. Expect errors.
fastgr ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:50:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pick one from the old one. https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/3fe4h1/youre_a_burglar_but_instead_of_stealing_things/?ref=search_posts
Fellhuhn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:51:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do the laundry. Bring out the Trash. Doing all the petty Chores just so that the couple things their Partner is great while getting lazier by the day just to stop one day and see their relationship crumble...
Ewalker1521 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:51:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip literally EVERYTHING upside down... Tv, shoes, toothbrush, bed, speakers, nightstand, Kleenex box, lava lamp... EVERYTHING you can find, flip it upside down
Turn volume to maximum on all TVs and stereos, remove batteries from all remotes, and done
Bourbone ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:51:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sneak into the house, flip all toilet paper rolls to roll over/under (the opposite of what they're used to) except one.
Return fortnightly to reverse the previous state.
hinjew13 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:51:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything a couple inches in each direction just to drive the people mildly insane
WastedYouth93 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:52:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd break into a home where only women live, and leave all the toilet seats up.
ImaginaryMan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:52:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would just push their chairs and tables out just slightly. Ever so slightly. So, when they think they're just walking around their houses.
BOOM!
Stubbed toe.
gmason0702 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:56:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In other news, the Toe Bandit strikes again!
Itsathrowawaybru ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:52:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal their TV remotes and replace them with another providers remotes. So if they have Verizon, replace it with a DIRECTV remote.
gmason0702 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You dick ๐
xc0py ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:52:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OrphBee ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:52:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Toast every piece of bread in their house, then put it all back in the bag.
IAMA_RocketSurgeon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:54:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all pictures out of picture frames and put them back in upside down.
Nastybagel1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:59:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OP is Dane Cook
Patches67 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:59:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide all the remotes.
JohnnyBoy964 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:03:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the furniture one foot to the left.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:03:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Clean all the mirrors in the house, then leave a face-print right in the middle of it.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:03:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Poo butter.
yamfun ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:03:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Things that would cause divorce.
Is that too severe?
HutchinsonianDemon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:05:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reverse the direction of how their toilet paper faces.
SomeBroadYouDontKnow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:07:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
First, do recon. Is this person someone who knows where everything is all the time? Or are they constantly losing things? Find their ticks. Find out what everyday occurances bother them and go from there.
If a person always knows where they leave stuff, sneak in at night and move their keys, wallet, phone to a different, yet obvious place in the house. For example, if they always put their keys in a key bowl, move them and put them on the kitchen counter.
If this person is a clean freak, put lotion on my hands (a normal amount) and give their windows a big fat streak, maybe collect some pet hair and scatter it, make them think a soap/shampoo bottle tipped over and spilled.
If they're a workaholic, pencil in an appointment that doesn't exist or switch their folders (keep all the info together, just change the cover. So blue is now red, green is now orange, etc).
Tech people, I'd unplug their WiFi and leave fingerprints on their laptop/phone/tablet screens.
Put a different color collar on their dog or cat if they're really enthusiastic pet owners. Maybe buy them new toys. I wouldn't do anything that would mess with the animal. Just something that would make the owner feel weird.
So... It depends on the person.
CaptainCaptainFT ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:08:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace a good amount of their songs with 'never gonna give you up'. But keep the name of the song so they never know when it strikes.
Talkingarb ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:08:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break in every day and mess with things oh so slightly but noticeably until eventually the person living there loses their mind and is institutionalised
Piogre ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:09:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
reverse the direction of toilet paper roll
set every pair of shoes on the rack to have the feet reversed
move the input cables on their TV around, so all the input #s they remember are wrong
Ranaeil ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:09:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go in their cabinets and take the labels off of all the canned goods. Haha, try and figure out which is your canned corn now!
Flixsl ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:09:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Log onto their computer and pay for Winrar.
WADDUP_MY_GLIB_GLOB ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:09:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
tie them up, make them think Im about to start asking a series of very important question, then proceed to mind fuck them. Questions like:
Why was the cat sent into town for the cantaloupes when you knew the red lady didn't have the password to get into to attic???????
Where are you keeping the left sock that contains the portrait of the shoemakers bank teller???
I need to know if the cat picked the correct cantaloupe, did he find the crossword hidden inside, what was the answer to 34 across?????
ProfessorMonocle ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:10:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
See if they have two of the same tv, switch the remotes.
Bumi_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:10:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kinda late. But I would unplug their phone charger in the middle of the night so they wake up at like 2%
Drakk_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:11:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reverse the orientation of the toilet paper rolls.
Atario ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:13:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bake bread, with fans set up to absolutely fill the house with fresh bread scent. But leave no bread, just the scent.
Then repeat the next day, except with frying up bacon.
Then again the next day, except with chopping up durian.
Inflatious ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:49:23 on August 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or just go to a vegan's house and fry bacon.
Shy_Poke ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:17:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cut their paper towel rolls down to the size of TP, then replace them on the TP racks upside down.
SaladProblems ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:20:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Have their cars professionally repainted a different color.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:21:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all remotes/controllers in house with dead batteries.
Turn TP rolls inwards.
Replace all coffee with ground up dirt.
Replace xbox one/PS4 with a Wii U.
Replace any family photos with that of Charlie Sheen with cigarettes up his nose.
Replace all silverware with miniature baby utensils.
Replace all keys with plastic toy keys.
Replace all undergarments with adult diapers and disable the toilets.
Swap window curtains with shower curtains.
Fasten buttplugs over any/all doorknobs.
Apply lube for added frustration.
Unleash gaggle of ferrets into house to shit in all corners of home, take and hide assorted objects.
Register the household for future mormon/jahovah's witness visits.
Apply itching powder onto all deodorant sticks.
Fill all tooth paste tubes with anchovy paste.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:23:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make all the bread into toast, then put it back.
If they haven't done the dishes yet, put all the dirty dishes and silverware back, replacing them with an exact amount of clean versions.
Captain_Collin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:23:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A few years ago my friend and I were coming back from the bar at night. For some reason we decided to test every car door we passed to see if it was locked. After a while we found a car with unlocked doors! We hadn't given any thought to what we would do if this actually happened, but we wanted to do something great. I looked around for a bit a noticed a palm tree (Bush? Not like the big climb-able ones) nearby, and I knew what had to be done. I took one of the fronds off the tree and put it in the back seat of the car. I'm pretty sure we left some other foliage in the front seats as well. Then we locked the doors to the car and left.
I really wish were could have seen the owners reaction.
ThundercuntIII ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:24:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Subltly making someone think he/she is insane or in a coma is still the worst thing I can think of. Fucking with someones perception of reality is nasty.
Edit: fucking typo
Ripley_Riley ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:24:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place a dozen heavily sedated wild animals native to the region around the house. A raccoon in their bathroom, squirrels in the guest bedroom, an adult male elk in their kitchen, etc. I would time the sedation so the animals wake up roughly 15 minutes before the home owner's alarm clock goes off.
baroque-o-slama ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:33:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Anytime I would get bored at a party I'd start moving around their decorations. It was my goal to have it be different enough to be noticed but normal enough to not be that suspicious.
unrealization ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:36:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'll break into their house, sneak into their rooms to count how many they are and then prepare breakfast for all of them. I'll then wait outside for the paper boy, take a crap in the morning paper and leave.
purrpot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:41:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I like the twist ending.
nickhollidayco ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:37:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This will probably get buried, but an ex of mine who at the time was my girlfriend, broke into my house using a method I'd had to employ when she was with me once. I was passed the fuck out because at the time I DJ'ed 3-5am and when we closed at 5 we'd lock the door and all the staff would get hammered.
Anyway, she'd done it before and just crawled naked into bed with me, which was very welcome, but not this time... She'd bought a topless lady garden gnome which she proceeded to place right outside my bedroom door and just quietly leave.
I was so confused once I found it, I just took it and sat it on the table staring at me while I ate my cereal. She eventually cracked and called me to confess, and we both broke down into uncontrollable laughter.
I loved the idea so much, we went back to where she got it from and just about bought them out, and over the next few months proceeded to do it to all of our friends. For a couple for whom we could gain egress to their house, we just hid them somewhere in the garden, so they were a slow burn.
Good times.
wingedcoyote ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:38:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave cryptic notes, then go on Reddit and convince them they have CO poisoning.
Gantoo92 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:38:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything in their house just a slight inch to the left or right, they will feel that something is wrong/off but they won't know what? (Have done it a few times to friends, so I know it works haha)
Billitpro ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:41:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Refill the milk constantly so it never runs out
waywardbus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:41:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Krazy Glue everything in the house in its place, including everything in the cupboards and fridge.
TinyCaveman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:41:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Get a video prepped and loaded on all of there devices of shitty dane cooks shitty stand up routine where he talks about this stupid idea. That'll really cause all kinds of misery for the family.
rollsterribleblunts ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:41:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dane Cook said it pretty well: Leave random items so they're like, "WTF?"
Lacagada ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:41:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I word my titles like OP.
Bahndoos ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:41:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take a big ol shit in the living room
NotBillMurryTwo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:41:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put the toilet paper on the roll the wrong way
OprahsCouch ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:41:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all there furniture 1 -2 inches over so they keep running into things but don't know why
Scolithy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:41:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap the knives and forks around in the drawer.
HockeyBalboa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:42:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember a case way back where someone's car had been broken into but all they could figure out that had happened was their sandwich had been cut in two.
arcticyeti ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:44:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In oblivion, wasn't there an Argonian who would break into people's houses, just to leave their stuff somewhere different from what they expected? I always thought the home owners would be very confused and a little embarrassed to find the ring they though was stolen years ago was actually just sitting in the bottom of a barrel in their basement.
witchking96 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:44:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Toast all their bread and put it back in the package
shinymetalobjects ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:03:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Empty the toothpaste and inject arthritis cream into the tube. It may not clean their teeth, but at least they'll be pain free.
EchoEmpire ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:03:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in middle school and high school my friend always left one window unlocked all the time. She used it for sneaking out. My friends and I would go into her house at random times and just do random things in her house. For example: we laid down all the dining room chairs one time. Her parents were divorced and this was at her mom's house and I think her mom was just too exaused to pay attention. She wasn't usually home but at work.
-Plurp- ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:03:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take Batteries out of everything battery operated and switch them so that they are backwards in the terminals, then stack all their photos in a neat house of cards-style structure in their living room. Poop in the back of the toilets. Draw a tiny penis in sharpie dead center of the television screen. Game Over Edit: Wow lots of battery related schemes in this thread, i thought i was original :/
fermata_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:04:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reset their router to default.
Zeno_of_Citium ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:05:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap their toilet wet wipes with bleach wipes.
darybrain ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:05:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Every few days just move regularly used items to a different location such as putting the kitchen cutlery in a different drawer or putting the cups/glasses into a different cupboard. We reach for so many things out of habit and you'd probably drive them slowly insane.
Chucktayz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:07:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal one of every sock
metalheadluigi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:07:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cause ultimate havoc in the world by stealing only my victim's left shoes.
twelthpower ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:07:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If they are gun owners, replace the first 5 rounds in the clip with blanks. It'll be a hoot when the real burglars arrive.
xHanyyy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:08:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange all the pictures on the walls
Veeoh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:08:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn the toilet paper round. Mwuahahahha
targui555 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:08:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Instal autohotkey and make keyboard send random buttons whichever key you press.
KingdaToro ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:08:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find their router or an Ethernet switch and plug an Ethernet cable into two of its ports. This typically knocks out their whole network.
achaargosht ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:08:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch the hinges on the doors so they swing the other way
Laika_Come_Home ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:09:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take a shit in their bed.
Inflatious ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:36:33 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What if they're in it?
Laika_Come_Home ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:45:16 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Prime opportunity.
ColoradoBump ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:09:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change all the clocks to an hour before.
lizardgurl ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:09:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
hide all the toilet roll and replace them with scouring pads
reddideridoo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:10:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Although this will get buried:
Switch sugar with salt
tie all the shoes together
put a whole lot of garlic in every jar of jam
pierce condoms
switch color caps from pens
switch all sodas with their diet versions and vice versa
put post-it notes on awkward places with subtle messages of mischief
change the message on the mailbox
rearrange everything in the fridge
peel fruits
photoshop slightly offensive content in analog pictures
put citrus in milk containers
replace quality tools with cheap counterfeits
replace all money with disney dollars
Crimsonalpha ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:11:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Randomly insert famous people in their family photographs.
Bradisdad ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:12:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all AA batteries in remotes with Chapstick tubes.
joeydimagio ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:13:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One day I came home to a notice on my apartment door stating that police have caught the man breaking into people's apartments at night to watch people sleep.
Until this point I had no fucking idea this was happening in my neighborhood.
Tuuuuubz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:13:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the fridge door to open the other way. Arrest me already.
throwawayylime ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:15:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Paint the walls a different colour.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:16:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal their front door and replace it with 1970's beads.
so_dericious ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:19:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That idea is like, totally rad, bro.
Is that what the hippies said? ._.
hoswald ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:16:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Back when I used to party a ton I would wait for everybody to pass out, then I would go re-arrange the kitchen. I would start by taking everything out of the cupboards and drawers, then I would just move everything to a different cupboard/drawer. A few times the homeowners liked the new flow.
Megaminx1900 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:17:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find houses where there's only girls and lift the toilet seat.
RobertTheSpruce ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:17:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plant positive preganacy tests in trash cans of families with daughters.
luckypyrate ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:18:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Saw off the bottom of the chair and table legs to make it seem like the people are getting taller. I mean incrementally over time.
Or for a more immediate laugh....take the screws out of the chairs and tables.
carmium ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:19:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Set the table and put a casserole in the oven to heat.
Two weeks later, set out the good china and silverware with napkins, and have a beef Wellington in the oven.
Two weeks after that, the caterers arrive...
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:19:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably find where they keep their money and add a little bit of money to it every now and again. Enough for them to notice when they recount and have a little giggle because now they can do that thing they wanted to do, or save even more money, etc etc.
Then after years when they've become truly rich and famous, and I know where all their money is.. I'll take it all and everything of value they possess. As well as their goat, because who doesn't want a bloody goat? Goats are cool.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:19:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Identify one photograph in a frame and turn the frame to face the other way. Do it every day for a month.
Bodgie7878 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:19:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tilt all their paintings, turn all of their furniture around and leave an "I let the burglar" sign on their door if they don't have a pet.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:20:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The jumbles! Just the jumbles.
Commander_Keef ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:20:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave very large dildos on their dressers. In clear view as the first thing they see in the morning.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:20:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace their remote batteries with dead ones.
Ario92 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:21:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide the remote
egalroc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:27:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You got to flip it to the 'Game' setting first. Renders the television useless except for playing games.
2pacneverdies ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:21:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Be Dane Cook and kick their door open so they think o took something and it haunts them for the rest of their lives wondering wtf was stolen. Causes broken relationships within the family.
Namikazesora ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:25:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Was waiting for the Dane Cook response.. a B&E..
2pacneverdies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:40:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bacon and eggs
tmonz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:32:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
leave a lava lamp
Quaaraaq ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:35:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stealth carpentry.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:36:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've actually done this. I used to live in a town where no one locked their doors and I would often go to my friends' homes when they weren't there and do things to freak them out.
The trick is one small change at a time. Mess with their muscle memory. Swap the forks and spoons. Move the shampoo or the coffee.
The better you know them, the better you know their routine and the more you can slowly drive them insane.
felixthejosh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:36:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mix their spices. Sugar in the salt container, cinnamon for cumin, cayenne for paprika....
Add vinegar to all the perfumes and colognes
APsWhoopinRoom ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:42:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I know a pilot who had his house broken into about 10 years ago. They stole the TV and a couple other valuable electronic devices, but he said the thing that disturbed him the most was that the burglar sat down at the dinner table and had himself a glass of orange juice at one point. He said it made the burglary way too human
GrandMasterHOOT ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:43:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Murder their cat and stuff the dead remains with sunflower seeds. For added humour, put a Kings of Leon CD in their fridge.
RoyalBingBong ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:50:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Smashed_potato ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:50:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I creep up to the sleeping house owners, gently cut their faces off and then exchange them with each other. That'll confuse them!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:50:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
cryptyknumidium ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:54:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
you can just put toast in my toaster. Fire alarms go off, madness, crying, dog pisses itself.
d1andonly ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:51:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mix up the mail for Slovakia and Slovenia.
eddiecubed ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:51:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange items in the Kitchen cabinets:
Most importantly, for every time this is done; take the same toaster/microwave/coffee maker (some substantial kitchen appliance) and hide it in the laundry room.
Hanarchy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:51:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything in their house 1 inch to the left.
redbabypanda ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:52:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make sure their shower nobs are reversed. Cold nob turns on hot water and vice versa.
SpitfireSniper ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:54:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
replace all their batteries with dead ones
ninja_bat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:54:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the batteries out of their remote controls and then put them back... backwards!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:54:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is literally the plot to the movie Following
Deurker ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:55:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put some of their clocks an hour ahead, and others 1-3 hours behind.
PHIL-yes-PLZ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:55:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide all charging devices, TV cords, and remotes in really random places.
blaghart ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:55:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ah the ol' "how would you gaslight people" question...
I'd steal everyone's left shoe and hide them in an external closet or shed.
JayFTL ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:55:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Upgrade all their computers to Windows 10.
hexotrite ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:55:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Eat the cream out of all their oreos.
Dragonogon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:55:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I cum in their fridge.
They would never expect it.
I would also take a shit in their sink.
timothy412johnson ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:55:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Eat their children
Thoreau80 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:58:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sharpen all of their kitchen knives.
monkbuddy62 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ouch.
MatrixCakes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:59:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find a bachelor pad with a couple guys and thoroughly clean one thing at a time. Break in, clean out the crevasses in one window, leave. Start with the most inconspicuous things that they aren't likely to notice. One kitchen cabinet, one window, vacuum out the sofa, clean under the fridge. Slowly, their house will start smelling cleaner and cleaner. After a few months, move on to more conspicuous things once a week. Do the dishes, clean the dirtiest part of the house, do the laundry, mop the floors til they sparkle, rent a rug doctor and clean the shit out of their carpets and upholstry, clean out their fridge. They'll each think one of their roommates did it.
Come back for an hour or so a day, every day, and maintain their house.
Then one day redecorate the whole house to be girly. Fancy soaps, lavender everything, house plants, decorative pillows, rugs, lacy shawls over the lampshades, a vase with flowers, and in one of their rooms, put a photo shopped image of them with a pretty girl on their night stand and leave girl's clothes in his closet. Make a big ass lasagna and leave it in the fridge with directions on how to cook it.
Never show up again.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:59:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would find all of the remote controls and take the battery covers so they'll all have open battery slots.
rocatanskies ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:00:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything just a tiiiiiiiny bit to the left. They'll keep bumping into shit and won't know why.
kristenij ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:01:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hard boil all the eggs and put them back
Scootakip ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:02:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal one of their shoes. That way they spend all day looking for their single missing shoe.
khast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Only to find the shoe 20 years down the road in the attic.
Iamnotsmartspender ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:04:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into u/rogersimon10's house and leave jumper cables everywhere
Matthew341 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:04:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I open their windows with the AC on
palijer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:04:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the number of steps on their stairs.
Wheres_that_to ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
or just add about 8mm strip to each prime number step.
Mad_Jukes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bc as we all know, people count their stairs.
palijer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:33:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
People don't count their stairs, but their sub-conscious brain and muscle memory does.
oxide-NL ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:05:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Change their password for logon windows.
Change their toilet paper for a very coarse one.
Change their central heating, i think they prefer a bit warmer...
Change their coffee, I believe they should drink non caffeine for a while.
Change their pets with random other pets i found in the neighborhood.
Change their home telephone voicemail greeting into my likings
Change their alarmclock, i believe they deserve an extra hour of sleep
Shaggy_did_it ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:06:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When my mom turned 40 one of her friends snuck into our house while we took her to dinner and rearranged the labels on our canned goods. Want green beans? Too bad, you get creamed corn! I would do that.
Schaabalahba ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:07:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Burglary - illegal entry of a building with intent to commit a crime, especially theft
I appreciate the definition doesn't make burglary exclusive to theft and that committing shenanigans in someone's home could also be burglary.
djdanlib ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:09:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all of the toilet paper rolls around the other way. This would send several of my friends into a murderous rage.
GoddamnIronTiger ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:11:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My friend in college had a blind roommate. He was also kind of a dick. To prank him we always wanted to tape strands of fishing line to the ceiling throughout the apartment, so when he would walk around he'd feel little tickles on his face and not know why.
So I guess I'd just break in blind peoples' houses and do that?
CajunAvenger ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:14:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This actually happened to us. Someone broke into our house, turned all the lights on and all the chairs upside down. Nothing was taken, or even out of place except for the chairs and lights.
schnalzar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:14:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Poop in the top tank of their toilet.
theartfulcodger ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:14:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Amรฉlie had a good sequence about that: she replaced her cruel neighbour's bedroom slippers with exact duplicates, two sizes smaller; took the knob off his bathroom door, and reversed the lever side with the knob side; replaced his toothpaste with hemorrhoid cream, and vice versa; set his alarm clock three hours forward so he showed up to open his vegetable stand in the middle of the night, and hotwired his metal bedroom lamp so he got a shock when his too-early alarm went off.
Cheeze_It ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:15:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all of the toilet paper with one ply.
awlred ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:15:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move handled objects to the 'wrong' side. I.e. moving things so its more natural to grab with the left hand rather than the right or vice versa.
catladyrose ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:15:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn everything upside down.
akamustacherides ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:16:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Brush their cats, make voodoo dolls out of the fur, and leave them in the litter box.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:19:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take photos of all their family photos. Photoshop Nicolas cage in each of them, and slowly over the course of a year replace them.
forgotpassword ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:19:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal one shoe from a few pairs. Drive them nuts trying to track down the lost ones.
I have done this to someone who did me wrong.
Rafahil ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:21:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There is a Korean movie where a guy breaks into people's houses when they're not around just to sleep there and fixes things that are broken in their house. At one point he becomes so stealthy that he breaks in people's houses while they are there and pretty much lives with them without them knowing he's there. The movie is called 3-iron.
Wheres_that_to ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:21:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Add a 8mm strip to each prime number step on the staircase.
Change the light switches's wiring, they now work the other way and switch on different lights.
Switch any cold tap hot tap plumbing.
Carefully remove about 40% of the bristles on their tooth brush.
add different essential oils to their body care products radically altering the smell.
Fix any squeaky doors.
Add a disco laser display projector concealed on the roof , that only triggers after dark if someone sits on the loo in the master suite.
bedford_1801 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:21:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Install windows 8 or 10 on all their computers
TridentWielder ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:21:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange the refrigerator. Sounds simple but you'll be surprised how confusing and infuriating it can be.
wxguy215 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:21:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If everyone is sleeping in the house, forward the clocks 4 hours so they get up a lot earlier than what they wanted.
bugabeee ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:22:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
move every piece of furniture two inches to the left. something is off, but they just cant figure out what it is.
kedavo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:22:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip all of the toilet paper rolls the other direction.
Bizarro_I_Love_You ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:28:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I target people who play video games and own physical copies of movies. I go into their homes and place all of their games and movies in the incorrect case.
_calumtravers ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:30:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap the sugar and salt around.
OFTHEHILLPEOPLE ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:31:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put Ph pills in their toilet so when they take their morning piss the water turns red.
whud99 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:32:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Take all the movies/cd games and put the wrong disk in the wrong case with no pattern.
Createan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:32:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Install internet explorer as main internet browser.
xKappz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:33:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When someone's gone on vacation for a long time, shift all of their furniture 1 inch in a single direction. When they get back, they'll notice something's not right, but they can't place their finger on it. So they're left with a constant state of discomfort.
MrDarth_Spock ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:33:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just kick down the front door and don't take anything. For years to come the family will just wonder what the fuck you took.
un-easily ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:33:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
do their dishes and return them all in the wrong spots
Hiding-As-Vanilla ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:38:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
silent_b0b ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:38:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take every left shoe.
jacob3441 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:39:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would hard-boil half of their eggs, and then put them back in the box.
reagor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:39:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reverse all the doorhandles so the lock button is outside the rooms, lightly unscrew all lightbulbs, switch the contents of 2 closets next to each other, rearrange the kitchen storage locations, relocate the kitchen junk drawer and silverware drawer, switch the shampoo and conditioner in their respective bottles, hotsauce in the ketchup
Thompy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:42:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably target a happily married couple that are very specific over who owns what in the house but likes to share anyways. Then I would proceed to put some of the same coloured sticker on a few things the wife has bought, and proceed to add more over the coming weeks so that the husband decides to react and start a sticker war over who owns what >:D
ImBenderBaby2020 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:42:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change all of their lightbulbs to different shades of white and different lumens.
xginjaninjax ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:43:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into their house about once a week. On each visit, I would move furniture about 2 inches or so from their original standing
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:43:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I paint moustaches on all their family pictures.
jhony_lo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:43:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the wrappers off of their canned goods.
William_Shagspeare ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:43:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take one sock from every pair
poopNgriddles69 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:44:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace everything I take with exact copies.
AmethystSadachbia ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:44:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Collect their mail and hide it in the freezer.
BecausePoopsIsFunny ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:44:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I unload the dishwasher for them. They didn't do it, and they know there's no fucking way their roommate unloaded it.
hodgepodges ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:56:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip around their toilet paper
quadravalent ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:14:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave a pineapple in the bathroom.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:15:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There will be speakers rigged to play Tom Jones' "What's New, Pussycat?" over and over again.
Free5tyler ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:15:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip the toilet paper rolls around
RatchetBird ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:17:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make sure there is a dime in their left shoe every morning.
ssnimitz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:21:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My roommate once stole the Christmas lights from an entire neighborhood and then put them back three months later.
zippythezigzag ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:21:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wrap their toilet in gorilla tape. Put clear cellophane over their trashcans. Shut off their water main. Go to the bed where they are sleeping and light fireworks and spay them with pepper spray.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:21:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the left socks and all the right shoes
njdevilsfan24 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:23:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal the power cord for everything that has one. Replace all metric rulers with imperial system rulers and vice versa
BobSagetOoosh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:24:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Most rulers in the UK have both.
njdevilsfan24 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:27:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shit. Maybe I'll get rulers that have the numbers mirrored and look exactly the same as theirs, but once they use it they get confused as fuck
BobSagetOoosh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:39:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
According to Wikipedia, "A fraudulent smaller inch of 1โ42 of an ell is also recorded [as the obsolete Scottish Inch]."
An ell is 37 inches, but 42 inches in some towns. Normally it's no problem, but when one of the 42 inch ell people meets a 37 inch ell person you end up with an inch that measures not 25.4 mm, but 22.4 mm. If they needed precise measurements, they'd be fucked.
You need some of those rulers.
njdevilsfan24 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:45:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my god, I do I really need those!
androsgrae ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:23:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all of the furniture and electronics with nicer, more expensive furniture and electronics
FishBones4Breakfast ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:24:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the remote, leave the TV.
m90photog ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:28:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything 1cm to the left and right, alternating with each day; make every hanging thing on the wall slanted by a single millimeter; adjust their shower heat so that no matter what, the temperature is different every day regardless of the position of the knob; rotate their milk container 90 degrees clockwise daily; put a single fork in the spoon sections and vice versa every week; reverse the position of their toilet paper whenever they replace it; give them new towels that are each a shade lighter every week until the towels are white; give them new bars of soap every day so they never get smaller when they're used.
getoffmyplains ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:29:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm moving your Tupperware lids. Not stealing then, just moving them to totally nonsensical places.
TracieV42 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:40:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ah HAH! I wondered why my Tupperware was in such chaos, no matter how often I organize/match it!!! IT'S YOU!!!
firebirdi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:33:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go broke and choose another profession, I would suppose... :)
mikk0384 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:33:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Taking random things and placing them in their freezer, one at a time. Single shoes, light bulbs from random rooms, one of their car tires, anything you can imagine, really.
For a more creepy one you can write messages on their bathroom mirror with clear oil - the text won't appear until they shower, since the moisture won't stick on the oiled up surface. "I'm here!"
Swiggity_Krinks ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:34:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all their clothes and replace em with the same stuff but a few sizes to small.
Ellni ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:34:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch around the salt and sugar
changeitifyouhateit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:35:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in high school a friend and his family went on vacation. I had a spare key to their house and decided to go over. Went into his bedroom and disassembled his bed. I moved it into their large storage room and reassembled it. When they got back they called the cops
makelovenotwhale ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:35:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn the toilet paper around
AwkwardRainbow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:35:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stick a shit ton of plastic forks in their yard. Seen this happen to a neighbor before, I can imagine they weren't happy.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:35:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One of my old football coaches would break into people's homes and rearrange their furniture because he was a bored teenager in a small town.
MTknowsit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:36:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move the car keys.
RedditDevil2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:36:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all the water bottles in their house with lemon juice
ryanj1946 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:36:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal one of each of their different socks so they blame it on the dryer until they slowly go insane
marifomin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:36:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd break into someone's house, make a huge mess, wouldn't take anything, leave the door open and make them wonder for the rest of their lives "what did the burglar take? WHAT DID THEY TAKE?" --- Mwaaahahahah
knotquiteawake ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:37:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip the toilet paper around.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:37:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything in their house a half an inch every few months so they keep bumping into everything.
Zeno66 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:43:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Late to the party but: cap every game to 30 fps, never will they know smoothness again.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:44:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sup Ubisoft
dallasstars35 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:43:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put their wallet where it goes. They will never find it there
Tortides ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:46:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would place a creepy puppet in different places every night. A la Elf on the Shelf
sarkie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:47:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sugar and salt. Constantly swap.
Bounty1Berry ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:50:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Windows 10 udates.
AnarchyApple ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:52:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would put crayon drawings of refrigerators on everything but the fridge.
Dimmet ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:54:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If time and money wasn't a huge issue, I'd bring a set of hardware and tools and remount all the doors in reverse.
Oh, and replace the toilet paper holder to be on the opposite side or in front of them or just out of arm's length. Any combination of those could work.
And if time and money was a concern... I'd just reverse the toilet paper in all the bathrooms. I can't stand that.
OdysseyJack ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:55:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rubberband the sprayer on the sink!
twaxana ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:56:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would rotate all exterior locks and door knobs 180 degrees. Just the locking mechanisms. So when they came home they would have to put their key in upside down.
DontAskMeForUserName ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:58:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My boss was a cop for a while. He talks about a home burg report he took where the the neighbor kids broke in through an open window and made doughnuts. The homeowner walked in and caught them in the kitchen with halfmade doughnuts. The kids ran out the front door.
chachki ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:01:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There is a movie about this exact scenario. They break into rich people's houses and rearrange furniture, leave obscure messages and don't steal anything.
The Edukators
Jaime_loignon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:07:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go to an Amish persons house, and modernize it. Steal a car then park it in front of their home, like it is theirs.
Put a tv in the most open spaced part of the home, re arrange the furniture like a living room, with all the chairs and what not facing the TV.
Put batteries all throughout their home.
Hook them up with a desktop or laptop sitting on a table in the corner with windows 10.
Get them 1 Iphone 6s.
Another night I would hook up light bulbs all throughout their house, in unreachable places with no way to turn them off, so they now have to deal with electricity.
Then I would replace their dutch oven or pot or whatever the fuck they use, with a Microwave.
Outback, I would take down their clothing line, and put a washing machine and Dryer against the house wall.
Just to really erk them, I would leave starbucks every night for them in the fridge that I just bought them and installed. It would always be full, like a college kid's dream.
Then for the final thing, I would install security cameras, and hook them up to the monitor of the computer I got them.
There would be a folder in the computer called, "Solutions". Inside would be numbers to various professionals, that would get rid of their tech things if they wanted to. But to get ahold of someone to properly get rid of said things, they would need to use the phone I gave them.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:13:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's hilarious
SueZbell ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:10:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all the furniture upside down?
liv3408 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:14:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go into their iTunes and rename all the songs with the names of other songs in their library.
9279 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:18:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I already kind of do this. I live in an apartment complex that is mostly older people. I am 27. They are ageist here. The older people complain over nonsense, but turn around and do the stuff they complain about. I'll give the back story first. You can skip to the second section for the meat.
For a while parking was a problem and no matter how I parked I'd get grief. I could measure my distance from the white lines and make it even and they'd complain over pulling up an inch to far. I once didn't leave someone enough room to park in the fire lane so they left me a note letting me know.
I was working and going to school full time when I moved in so i'd get home late and there would be one spot left but the car next to it was parked crappy so I had to park crappy to fit in. Well that car would leave before me making it look like I was just parking like that. I got so many passive aggressive notes. I left up a note and said, "Hey just knock on my door and ask me to move. i get it late and park how I can depending on the car next to the only spot left."
It just baffled me because I helped them out. I'd help them carry their groceries, remind them their keys were still in their door only to be looked at like a criminal when they answered their door, helped them with trash, etc.
And it was only a problem if I did something. I backed in once and a car was honking to hurry so I backed up a little too far and someone told management I had been doing it for a month. I was told never to back in again and notes were put up for no one to back in. But people still backed in so eventually I do too and got notes saying hey no one is supposed to back in. There are numerous cars who pull so far forward I can't walk in front on them and they do it everyday. I did it once by mistake.
The older people don't work but I do so they all bond during the day and blamed me for everything saying, "Must be that young kid doing it." When in reality they were doing it to each other.
TL:DR I was a totally reasonable, helpful, and kind person only to be treated like shit and scape goated because I'm younger.
I don't do it any more, but I did small things to annoy them. Our dryer still counts down remaining time even if the door it open. So You can leave the door open and you will run out of time even though it isn't drying. For a while I parked on the other side of the building to avoid parking issues and walked by the dryer every time I came in. We all live in sections everyone in my section was shitty to me because I wasn't in their clique of elderly people. So I'd open the dryer a bit and keep walking so their clothes wouldn't dry.
They all leave passive aggressive notes for each other. Especially on the main door coming in from the parking lot they all used. I'd move the sign from the inside of the door to the outside or two inches to the left and it drove them nuts.
They all make so much noise so I'd walk to the top of the stairs silently and then jump up and down three times on the top step.
There was this couple who left this massive stack of books in front of their door for months. I had to step over it everyday as I came in because their apartment door was right after the door from the laundry room where I came through. So I pushed them more and more in front of their door to see how long they'd leave them there. They had to be stepping over them everyday.
I'd unplug the washer so they'd have to plug it in every use.
Just little bs. I was a ghost for a while. I still am for the most part. No one ever saw me. I'm back to parking in the lot on my side of the building but only one guy ever sees me. Should be moving out next year!
v10_Sam ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:29:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find their DVD collection and put all the disks in the wrong cases. Muahahah.
Shimoz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:29:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch the places of forks, knives and spoons in the drawer.
whiskeybent_txn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:33:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd go to the restrooms and flip the toilet paper roll around so it's rotating toward the wall, lock any interior doors that lock, open all the windows and turn off the a/c or turn the heat off if it's winter... Set all the sinks to drip, and do things like putting all their silverware in the freezer, oh yeah it could get degenerate fast. You could basically just pull every prank. Toss some baby powder in the hair dryer so they get a face full.
vanteal ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:35:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave a huge bag of cash with a note stating "This is your cut, thanks for helping with the bank job" And watch them get so confused trying to go over the entire night in their head and then become paranoid the cops are looking for them..
ElhnsBeluj ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:37:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Does not involve breaking in, but is related. Worked in a resort and had an unpleasant boss. One night someone blocked his bungalow door with a table, the guy got extremely pissed off. Two days later I move the same table in front of his door but add a fork... The man is fuming in the morning, he is convinced maintenance staff is taking the piss. His reaction prompts me to continue doing this and others join the bandwagon no one knows it is me who continued moving the table and adding more cutlery every night but all of a sudden i am witnessing fully dressed tables, benches and couches appearing in front of this guys door overnight. Every morning he would throw a shitfit about how he couldn't get out of his door because there was -insert random crap- and and table prepared for two in the entrance. Every time I would feel like the most accomplished man on earth.
Alwin_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:38:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've read on here somone's plan to steal peoples spoons, one by one. It's what I've been doing for a couple of weeks with this couple who are both friends of mine. I've got 5 of their spoons, but they havent said anything about it when I was around. Will collect more over time. When I hear them talk about it, I will put stolen spoons in random places for them to find.
explainittomeplease ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:40:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In college, I would steal the forks from my friend's suite. In the suite it's a common area, a small kitchen, and three or four rooms.
Being broke college kids, they would go steal more from the cafeteria and restaurants where they worked. But they'd only steal enough for everyone in the suite. Eight. And I would continue stealing them. Not immediately, not all at a time. One here, one there.
They started fighting about it. Who's losing all the fucking forks??? Be an adult and fess up to it! They would watch eachother eat.eanwhile there was always the right amount of spoons and knives.
After a few months they came out of their room to forks laid out covering every inch of the common room and kitchen, tine up.
Holy shit they lost it. Screaming about who did this and throwing accusations around. Meanwhile I'm laying on the couch trying not to laugh. Never told them it was me.
pieterjh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:40:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I heard there was a gang operating in the Netherlands a few years ago that broke into ppls apartments and took pics of themselves on the apartment owners' pre digital cameras of them with the toothbrush habdles shoved up their buts. They'd then wash the toothbrushes and exit. Months later, when the owners had their film developed...
sdoptionable ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:43:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I replace everything with an exact duplicate.
neihuffda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:54:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Best one I've read in this thread! That would rid everything of the small imperfections you've gotten used to. Maybe replace a few things at a time?
cutfloss ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:49:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unplug their cable to their modem by just less than a cm, so it looks like it's in, but it's not.
Anyone not tech savvy enough will be annoyed why its not working and go on for days having to pay 10s of dollars to get someone out to come troubleshoot it for them when they've done everything but the most simplest of things! MUHAHAHAHAHA.
freelittyta ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:49:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
one time, i dogsat for a slightly disheveled woman, and i wrote things on her calendar. i'd just pick a random future date and write things like "SUPER IMPORTANT!", or "monica! don't forget!". or i'd just write random names. i'm still waiting for the results, but i laughed for hours while i did it, which is all i need really.
Lucifuture ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:51:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I invent a time machine for the soul purpose of traveling back in time to eat every single birthday cake OP ever was to recieve.
Smatter_Witchoo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:54:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
glue googly eyes on random household appliances
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:56:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace their small photographs with pictures of SS officers. I would also cut off all the buttons from their clothes.
befuchs ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:57:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just leave the front door wide open and nothing else. A whole family just wondering what you took. You could drive people crazy that way
flungit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:57:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Re-wire the light switches so that when it is up the light is off!!!!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:57:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"You're a burglar, but instead of being a burglar, you're just an asshole"
KoldProduct ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:59:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave copies of Dane Cook: Vicious circle next to their lava lamps
theRailisGone ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:00:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave a map with five locations circled on their table, one of them being where they work. When the points are connected it should form a circled pentagram.
theRailisGone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:00:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Centered on their home.
noideaman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:02:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fill up their gas tank to the previous day's level every night.
packet23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:25:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like you to break into my house please
coyotesage ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:06:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would take apart their car and rebuild it inside their living room, complete with a Donald Trump blow-up doll in the driver seat and a live badger in a cage on the passenger side.
A letter would be left on the dashboard written in wing-dings, that, should it be translated, would say "As pretty as you are, I don't think we have anything common."
In the trunk there would be 7 dimes and 3 pennies, but they would be fake and giant sized (roughly 10 times as large as normal), and a stone taken from Ayers Rock.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:07:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave a single green m&m in the middle of the living room every day.
Dorothy_Zbornak1978 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:08:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put the underwear in the sock drawer. The socks in the shirt drawer. Switch the plates and glasses in the cabinets. If it's a family put the kids clothes in mom's closet. Put dad's clothes in the kid's closet. Just petty shit like that.
Altonator ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:09:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove the door off its hinges. Nothing else. They will soon go mad trying to figure out what exactly the burglar stole.
Edit - burglar not burger
StickyEastLABandit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:10:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
reverse the roll of the toilet papers. leave the seats up. put all the dishes back onto the drying rack. randomly leave the vacuum around the house.
TheGamedawg ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:10:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If they have a movie or game collection in alphabetical order, rearrange it to the order they were released.
well_bang_okay ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:13:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Paint their nails in their sleep.
skilletzx ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:18:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Slowly increase the mouse sensitivity on all their computers for a month then all of a sudden revert it back to regular settings.
Some_Dead_Man ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:18:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Empty the ice trays in their fridge
CollarBlind ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:21:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch their clothing with smaller and larger sizes so they think they are mysteriously losing or gaining weight.
TheGeorge ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:24:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything that's on a surface by 2mm. Move all things hanging on walls uneven by 1mm.
They'll know something is wrong but never know what, leaving them with a profound sense of unease.
ashliemarie421 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:24:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all of the furniture to different rooms. The bedroom to the living room. The living room to the dining room. The dining room to the study. The study to the guest room. The guest room to the rec room. The rec room to the bedroom. I'd only be able to if they were on vacation, though
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:24:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all their furniture a few inches to the right
CPTNBob46 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:25:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn on all the faucets in the house so I get a reputation and people know it was me!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:25:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's simple. We break in. Enter their kitchen. Open up the silverware drawer. Put the forks where the knives go, the knives where the spoons go, and the spoons where the forks go. Then close the drawer and leave.
Frothpiercer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:25:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mossad and the Stasi were known to do this to fuck with their targets psychologically.
rancingalpaca ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:27:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sneak in every couple of months and add another remote to the living room. Soon there will be 10 different remotes and one is for a TiVo box they thought they got rid of 5 years ago.
sf3p0x1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:29:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all of their normal light bulbs with blacklight bulbs.
Or nail all their furniture to the ceiling.
anonymous-coward ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:32:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Buy small bug ugly pieces of furniture. Repeatedly. Put a sad clown painting on the wall. Install a fuzzy toilet seat cover.
And bug the place for when the cops come over.
"Officer, seriously, does this sort thing look like something I'd buy?"
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:32:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
hang Wild Wild West movie posters in every room
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:34:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go to Stevie Wonders house and move his furniture
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:38:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fill all their water bottles with tiny shards of glass. Then when they drink it their lungs will be all cut up and theyll choke to death on their own blood. Hilarious prank to pull on old friends or extended family.
Real_Perez ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:41:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave pictures of Nicolas Cage in hidden places waiting to be found.
brutus66 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:41:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a fair lock picker. I always thought it would be a laugh to pick a bunch of those el-cheapo locks people typically use at storage areas. I don't want to steal anything, just switch all the locks around and cause some low-level chaos. Unfortunately, the better angels of my nature prevent me from doing something so evil....
coldpleigh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:41:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go in their car and slash their spare tire.
yeadoge ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:41:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm late to this post but my first thought was to move almost everything in the house to a different location. Utensils, tools, furniture, pictures, toiletries, anything that isn't bolted down would be related but nothing would be taken. It would take them months to figure out that they didn't actually get burgled.
MosquitoRevenge ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:42:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lock the bathroom door from the outside.
kneegrowlips ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:44:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Me and my friends did this at a party, stole toilet roll, light bulbs, and one of those plaques that have a fish on.
Returned home to find out that the fish dances and sings Bob Marley if you press a button. Never been more happy.
Itstinksoutthere ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:44:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the sauces, drinks and salad dressings from the door of the refrigerator to the shelves and all the stuff on the shelves to the door.
EurydiC ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:44:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch the salt and the sugar, replace coffee grounds with dirt, and stack the dining chairs in a poltergeist-style upside down pyramid
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:45:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all the TV's and monitors 180 degrees
JackieIce502 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:45:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide every Television Remote in the most obscene places. Such as the freezer, under the bathroom sink, the backyard...
Landown ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:46:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would, whenever said victim places their keys somewhere, move those keys to a different and more obscure location around the house. I would do nothing except that, as to not arouse suspicion.
ChronicPiper ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:46:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unmatched all the socks they got and pair them in the most ridiculous manner
Insertnamesz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:47:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I read this in a book or something once as a young teen and then tried it myself in real life. Reverse pickpocketing. Try and put weird objects into people's pockets without them noticing. My favourite thing to use was spoons. Imagine going throughout your day and finding a random spoon in your pocket. Wtf right? :P
emmalella ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:48:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There was a guy in the area I lived in who would break into people's houses and rearrange the furniture. Nothing stolen or damaged. That's the kind of burglary I admire.
human_machine ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:48:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you notes for a wonderful Air BNB experience.
yoshibestfan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:49:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This will probably get buried, oh well.
This would take a few weeks to a few months. You find a single person living alone, someone in their 30s preferably. Then every few days leave something in their house in a room it would belong it, that a 5 year old child would have, such as toys or small clothes. As time passes you do more of that and eventually you add a subtle picture in a picture frame of a completely random small child in a school like portrait with ir being ribbed so you barely see the child, in a picture frame that says "in memoriam". And you keep leaving the child stuff around their house every few days or once a week until it's been a few weeks or months. Then while they are out of the house you completely change one of the rooms - preferably a bedroom, into a complete child room for a 5 or so year old.
You could place toys, clothes, kids food, appointment notices wirh no specific name, and other shit when you put stuff around their house so that they think a dead child ghost is living with them. You could also put horribly written notes and pictures from the child saying stuff like "I love you" and "wheres my mommy?" To make it even worse.
/how to make someone clinically insane.
XMenOrangesTangerine ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:49:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all their furniture 4 inches west.
SergePower ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:49:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fill the shampoo bottles with italian seasoning
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:51:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
move thing like remotes and keys
shake cans of carbonated drinks
change the time of every clock in the house to be off by like 10 minutes
LadyKnightmare ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:51:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Exchange every photograph in their house for pictures of Tom Sellick.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:51:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm surprised no one has mentioned this yet.
Charles Manson and "The Family" used to do this. They called it "Creepy Crawling". It started off relatively harmless- moving furniture around, putting leftovers in the frisge, etc. But quickly escalated to brutal murder.
This type of manipulation is called gaslighting and it's basic purpose is to cause it's target to question their judgement.
izzie833 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:56:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
move everything two inches to the left
rulejunior ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:56:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all furniture in the house around a couple inches so when someone subconsciously gets up in the middle of the night to take a piss or something, they trip on the furniture because it isn't where they remember it being
mrdude817 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:00:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I leave behind dad jokes.
pm_me_mean_things ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:01:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Set their clock forward an hour.
ReadInThisVoice ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:06:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave a brick inside inside their house near the window with a shattered glass and a note that reads
"Sorry."
-Henry
If we're doing repeated visits, you then drink, or dump out, 98% of the milk, or whatever beverage, and put it back with the same message as before on the cap. Now they're wondering who Henry is, and why he's able to write so small.
You break in again, this time in the summer on a hot day when you know they have fans up, and you reverse the blade on all of their fans. When they realize what happened and face the fan, it will read "Sorry. - Henry" as the blades spin. Combined with the heat, their mental state will deteriorate.
The next day, they try to go online on their computer and are greeted by 50 new tool bars and all of the free anti virus programs active with their free trials going. All of these are linked to their personal email. The page slowly loads to read
"Sorry.
-Henry"
At this point, they're scared. How compromised is their household? Who is Henry? What does he want? Why is he doing this?
The occupant is in their house with their six month old son. He wonders why these strange things keep happening and worries about his family's safety. He goes online to check for nearby hotels to stay at while he sorts this out. "Ssssssss." He looks over to his son. "Ssssssss." In this time of trouble a bright light shines as the man is about to hear his first son's first word. "Sssowwy."
Terrified, the man fleas the house with his family immediately, moving across the country to escape Henry. The man never knew who Henry was or why Henry was doing what he was doing, but it's because FUCK YOU JEFF FOR SAYING YOU CHOSE THE SONG EVERYONE DANCED TO AT PROM. FUCK YOU. I DISCOVERED THE TALKING HEADS. I SHOWED YOU WHO THEY WERE, GOD DAMMIT.
Jolator ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:16:29 on July 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I read this in the voice of Dwight Schrute until the very end
FlowziePozie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:10:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My friends and I once snuck into our other friends house when he was at school and took all his mom's sex toys and put them in his fridge so when he got home he would think she put them there and when she got home she would think he put them their because their the only 2 people that live there. The next day he came to school, told us he found sex toys in his fridge and just walked away, and when his mom got home she had a serious talk with him about sex toys and no matter what he said she was convinced he put them there.
BeckyDaTechie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:14:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Teach their dog something random (ie: fetch the room spray), when they hear or see something that happens a dozen times a day (turn on the bathroom light).
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:14:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change house phone voice-mail message to a fart
Makabajones ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:15:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all their toilet paper with hydrophobic single ply.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:15:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Send them a pizza every day for two years, and then one day replace the pizza with a glitter bomb
blong48 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:16:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap what lights their light switches control
da1blackguyinak ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:16:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything 3 inches to the left
wolf121294 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:19:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'll first take objects from my own house and swap it for the same object in theirs, the tv remote, the knives and forks, slowly all of our things will switch, then the next house I burgle I'll do the same thing with the other houses things.
The swapping bandit they'll call me.
canyewknot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:19:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd replace everything in their house with exact replicas. That'll get em!
Ffrenzy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:22:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Get 3 mice and let them go... Numbered 1, 2 and 4.....
bli123z ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:34:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tape a banana to their tv
cjtrillo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:37:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wouldn't really annoy or confuse but I used to always joke about how funny it would be to break into somebody's house and rearrange their DVD's alphabetically, or wash their dirty dishes. Maybe fold their laundry and place it nicely at the foot of the bed.
Buzzdanume ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:45:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I might be late but I know someone who one year on Christmas, went around and stole the baby Jesus statues from all of the outdoor nativity scenes in the area. They left everything else in tact and wrote down the addresses to the corresponding baby Jesuses. On the following Easter, before everyone woke up they went and put all of the baby Jesuses back to their respective homes.
HansBlixJr ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:46:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
prep all the food in the fridge.
if they have a wedge of hard parmesan cheese, grate it up nice in a dish and cover with cling film.
if they have carrots, peel and julienne them.
chop onions and broccoli
spread cruditรฉs on platters
make as many sandwiches, PBJ, deli meat, etc, as possible with the amount of bread
bake all frozen pizzas. refrigerate covered with clingfilm.
clarify the butter.
pre-load all bowls with cereal, soups, and salad.
scramble all eggs.
Roliepolieolie1234 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:48:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything around slightly so they know something is odd but just can't put there mind to it.
cdefomn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:50:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cut 1 blind cable
alliearrz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:57:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Boil all the eggs and put them back in the container switch the salt and sugar
weehawkenwonder ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:00:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go in and photoshop yourself into each and every single picture in the house.
haxden91 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:00:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch all their dvds' into different cases.
123bacon3 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:15:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything 1 in to the left
blitzkrieger17 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:23:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
move the coffee table 2 inches to the left. their cries of stubbed toes will lull me to sleep!! >:D
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:29:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I carefully scoop out the tub of margarine, I fill the bottom with peanut butter and then replace the margarine on top and smooth it out so it's as good as new.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:30:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You do not steal things; you are not a burglar.
foxfire1112 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:40:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"entry into a building illegally with intent to commit a crime, especially theft". I guess breaking any touching someone's property is a crime, so technically.. But yes, not really a burglar
Codile ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:30:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would print out all of the askreddit reposts and tape them over every object in the house.
oztralia ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:31:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For light fixtures with multiple switches, swap which switch turns on which light.
Papa_Panda96 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:31:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would change the direction in which the toilet paper spools out
Michael3142 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:31:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Slowly move every piece of furniture and watch the family bump their toes
Nanteen666 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:31:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break in 5 min after everyone leaves for,work/school. Paint a "accent" wall in each room.
LexxiiConn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:41:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace their snacks with sugar free, fat free, or "light" versions of same, placed into the wrappers or boxes of their regular snacks, so things look normal but taste off.
Secretly mow their lawn at night for 3/4ths of the summer. Use an old style push mower so it's quiet.
If they plant a garden, the day after they plant seed sneak out at night and plant chicken feet, toes up, in the rows. They will at first think everything somehow sprouted overnight, but when they get closer..... Chicken feet.
Make sure they find a coin every 1 to 5 weeks, on the same day of the week, sitting on their doorstep.
Replace their mattress with a different one of the same size. Remake the bed exactly how it was before.
Put glitter in random places in their house, just small amounts. A pinch in the medicine cabinet. In the toilet tank. Under the couch. Between stacks of folded towels.
Switch their dryer sheets out for differently scented ones, leaving the original box.
OhmsLolEnforcement ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:47:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Then how am I a burglar? That doesn't involve burgaling anything. What if my annoying and confusing behavior is causes their death or lasting harm? Would I then be a robber? Do you feel irritated? A bit uncertain, hmm?
tehreal ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:51:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal the battery cover off of every device that has one.
darkhorse1958 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:52:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reprogram their DVR; cancel their current series recordings and set it up to record a bunch of shows that are completely opposite of what they had, and they would definitely be recording the Kardashians after my visit. BWAHAHAHAHA
noruken ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:52:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Loosen the cable for the router in the house just enough so that there is no signal but to the naked eye, still looks connected. Also remove knobs from all objects such as doors and appliances. They will lose their minds! Muahahaha
Intimate_bear ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:52:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put a pineapple in the house every week
-JXter- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:58:37 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How about one every episode, only on Psych?
Rancid84 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:55:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal a pie and eat a quarter of it. Return it, place it back in the fridge with the jack of diamonds card sticking out of it
5ubnatural ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:56:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd sprinkle dust in your Super Nintendo cartridges.
psaepf2009 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:57:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I hide their remotes and phone chargers
WolfeBane84 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:58:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Find their bread, and toast a single piece and put it back into the middle of the loaf and then replace the bag into the fridge.
Delayed confusion.
Edit more: Put one fork in the spoon section and one knife in the fork section and one spoon in each others.
Take the bag out of their vacuum cleaner.
Squeeze the toothpaste to the BOTTOM of the tube.
If they had a record collection take out 3 random records and place them randomly throughout the shelf.
Take a box of Grape Nuts and pour a little bit into all their cereal containers - confusion/annoying/healthy
step_x_step ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:04:21 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ooo, good one.
willisco ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:04:18 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place a baked Barack Obama at they're table, drinking coffee and doing a crossword puzzle
Therealeasybake ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:11:44 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal one battery from every remote and steal the phone chargers.
Edit: Nevermind
MarsupialMadness ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:21:31 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Oh this one's easy. Glue all the caps on their toothpaste tubes and things like milk, soda and orange juice.
loosen all the caps on salt and pepper shakers so they'll fall off once tipped, saw a solid eighth to a quarter inch off one single leg on all chairs and tables to put them off balance. Do the same with one heel on every pair of shoes.
Loosen the pipes on the faucets so that they leak at a slow, steady drip even when off.
Mess with the bearings in any and all ceiling fans so they squeak audibly when on and to finish it all off,
Randomly move every picture and object exactly one and a half inches in any direction.
Redditrreadrr ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:24:15 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide everyone's left shoe
moxiousmissy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:25:57 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stitch?
bluestreakxp ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:24:51 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I flip their toilet paper the other way. The sugar and salt contents get swapped. All TV and computer volumes are on blasting. take the batteries out of everything. CLose the valve on the water for the toilet. brush soap with toothbrush.
TeamJim ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:24:52 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip over all of the light switches in their house over time. It starts with one room. Gradually the whole house has upside down light switches.
thedevilyoukn0w ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:25:05 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put googly eyes on every single family photo in the house.
CountryNerd ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:49:53 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I know I'm late to the party but I actually did this to my in-laws when I was drunk and forgot to tell them about it:
Use their computer to take a screenshot of their background with the icons showing and save the screenshot. Then choose to not show the icons from the desktop settings menu. After that, change the background image to the new screenshot. The icons will show up but will be unclickable because they're actually just a background image.
Asianburrito13 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:51:48 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm late, but turning off hot water heaters. Wanna shower before work? Not today.
DrDalenQuaice ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:03:20 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Use up all their magenta printer toner
bradisbrad ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:35:05 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace their Honey Nut Cheerios with normal Cheerios.
Ranku_Abadeer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:54:35 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You monster.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:40:12 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Something I did once: push every objects on the same side of every shelf/table to make it look like the house has tilted overnight
AmbitiousTurtle ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:42:26 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Actually did this in high school to my dad. Turned every piece of furniture in the house upside down.
The other one we did was randomly place M&Ms all over the house... One day I heard my step mom exclaim "why do I keep finding M&Ms?!"
Then I switched some out with skittles, and one day my brother ate a yellow one and was sourly disappointed.
emosongs2cut2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:02:35 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip the batteries in the remotes so they look right at a glance but will not work.
Spicoli69 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:23:36 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip the toilet paper around.
UncomfortableSeal ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:24:29 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Every night, after the tvs and computer have been turned off, turn the volume all the way up. Edit: Repeat process with car sterio
cyberkni ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:25:21 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Micro USB cables. Good luck charging your phone tonight.
genericusername26 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:28:36 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything an inch to the left
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:28:47 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I steal all of my victims left socks and hide them around the house. I know, I'm a monster.
Triton1017 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:30:08 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I come from a family of pranksters, and my mom and her sisters have this pair of bright pink, triple-XL panties that they've made a game of trying to sneak into each other's possession. So my aunts will visit, and a few days later you'll pull this giant pair of granny panties out from between the couch cushions, or folded up in with your kitchen towels. One time my cousin went camping with his friends, and they were stuffed into the foot of his sleeping bag.
puckbeaverton ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:35:04 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move the Ottomans and end tables 2 inches to the left so they stub their toes.
armored-dinnerjacket ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:36:17 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
hide the tv remote.
jeffdoesreddit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:40:40 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Every day change the language settings on all the electronics and TVs and display captioning.
sackofmangoes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:41:33 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Throw the husband's jacket into the laundry basket with some random panties stuffed inside on of its pockets.
LegendofPisoMojado ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:03:39 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
3 way fridge switch. I used to go in my brother's house while he was at work every now and then and put the milk in a ketchup bottle, Diet Coke in the milk jug, and ketchup in the coke bottle. Sometimes I would switch it up to Pepsi and mustard and orange juice. Cleaned all the containers so the contents weren't mixed and still usable.
shredwoodforest ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:17:21 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change all toothbrushes to a new brand
skatelakai12 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:20:39 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put a garden gnome in the house, replace it some where different after they trash it
willynillynylander ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:24:35 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change full batteries in remotes with shitty ones that are almost dead.
MichaelOLynn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:24:43 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave the toilet seat up in an all female household.
Shintasama ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:43:32 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
JB Weld a random door hinge.
Remove the pins from a random door hinge.
Swap the plates and glasses or silverware and cookware.
Take all the loose toilet paper, leave the rolls.
Pour out all but 1/4 cup of a random drink.
Dump a gallon of water on the bath mats.
Turn the covers/duvet upside down.
Switch the HDMI 1/HDMI 2 TV inputs.
Polish/oil/butter one of the middle stairs or random spots on the floor..
Spray anti-slip on the third to bottom stair.
Glue the dryer lint trap shut.
Change the garage door receiver frequency.
Pile junk in storage closets and attic stairs so things fall all over them when they open them.
Remove one foot off the couch.
Put a whole dead fish in the toilet tank (glue shut for extra evil).
Mix all the booze.
Replace part of the coffee grounds with dirt.
Cut a hole in the inside of the upper closet wall. Place an alarm clock inside with 4am alarm set. Repair wall.
Treboridos ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:57:46 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do their taxes
Atlas_Mech ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:03:06 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I replace their toothbrushes with identical copies of different colors, with the same amount of use to them.
So much confusion in the morning, this starting their day off wrong and it'd put a damper on anything good that happened that day and all the bad things would seem worse.
And repeat it two weeks later, putting their original toothbrushes back.
Works best in family homes because CHAOS
Atlas_Mech ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:07:58 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave self-help books on the back of their toilet. They won't notice until their phone is dead, but they'd go to the folded page, which is the page about overcoming shame over bodily functions.
Because who put it there? Who feels shamed? If they lived alone and invited no one over, they'd feel like they must have bought it.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:18:21 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go through the dirty clothes and take one or two socks per week, leaving countless socks with no matches.
DizzySuicide ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:19:47 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This thread is giving me some good ideas...
FriendsCallMeBatman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:29:35 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Add small things to the house, lava lamp, extra remote etc..
moira_colleen ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:42:27 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I replace every lightbulb in the house with blacklight bulbs.
samtravis ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:45:24 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all of their milk with spoiled milk every night.
redditlovem ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:01:41 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the wrappers off of their canned goods.
YourLocalPotDealer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:54:09 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break in and tickle people's butt holes until they wake up
vivekkolli ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:57:44 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal their TV remote, and then a couple times a month, drive by their house and change the channel.
Chinamademefat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:58:44 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Breakfast. And a note saying, "you looked so beautiful sleeping, I couldn't bring myself to take anything from you"
auspoltrollol ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:25:38 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave two photos.
One photo of their tooth brushes up my arse, bristle end first, and another with me brushing my teeth with them.
Take that!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:46:56 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd nut on everything
dadams19 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:06:02 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the light switches in the house so the off state is on and the on state is actually off. Then switch back a couple of weeks later.
banderson1432 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:12:56 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unscrew every lightbulb just enough that they don't light when switched on. Some friends and I did this to a few student hotel rooms on a school trip back in high school. Everyone jumped to the conclusion that housekeeping had something against them...
IdenticleWin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:15:48 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the batteries out of all the clocks and turn them upside down.
CandlePiss ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:27:52 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would break in and find out what cereal the ''victim'' eats, leaving no trace of my trespassing. I would then occasionally break in to ever so slightly top-up their cereal boxes
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:08:32 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all of their clothes with smaller sizes. Put land mines under the toilet set so when they sit down they explode.
Brassens71 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:15:49 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal the TV's remote, then come by at odd hours when they're watching TV and change channels, mute, turn off the TV, etc.
Change their sheets to a set that looks nothing like the one they own. Make it really neat.
Leave random lipstick kisses on the bathroom mirror.
Drink almost all the milk but leave a thimbleful in the container, then put it back in the fridge.
Alter their pants, making them shorter by an inch.
crumble up newspaper and put it in their shoes between the outsole and the insole.
jahleene ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:21:12 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the furniture about three inches to the right
rj20876 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:29:04 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide their keys in the freezer.
PM_ME_UR_FEMALE_CLIT ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:42:01 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave a lava lamp
mynameismaria ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:25:26 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Eat all the food in the fridge.
DanaPlatoscloset ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:53:07 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave random cardboard cut outs of Guy Fieri around their house.
nothjarnan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:00:15 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn every painting or picture on the walls to be slightly askew, along with moving tables slightly from where they are supposed to be.
peachybellini ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:39:33 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange their cutlery.
ButterflyKoi5 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:50:23 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the furniture to the left by a few inches for a few months, then move it all back again. Their piggy toes will suffer!
heyassbutt417 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:56:19 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the batteries out of the remotes and hide them and also dump out the cereal only leaving an annoyingly small amount of the crumbs which isn't enough
_MistressRed_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:13:09 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change settings on their Netflix and slightly mess up all their setting on electric appliances.
I had a key still to the job I quit. And I could have gone in and adjusted the settings for the lights. That was the most annoying thing. But so simple.
TD_70 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:19:22 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd just rearrange everything
Skeloton ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:26:28 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap the cutlery around. Swap dirty laundry for clean clothes.
Gizmo770 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:17:00 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Empty all the boxes of food in the pantry, fridges, etc, then put the boxes back where they where.
dovabob ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:08:13 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put transparent tape on the doorways at night when everyone's asleep.
Chongoloco ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:23:15 on June 28, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the TP. Every time.
doge_ucf ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:44:06 on June 28, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the batteries out of their remotes & take all the lightbulbs out of their light fixtures/lamps
FatFriar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:45:04 on June 28, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the furniture half a foot in either direction.
Move small things around (keys, wallet, stuff like that).
Put soaps in different bottles.
Small things like that.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:16:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Nicky4Pin ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 12:58:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Wet Bandits
JOHN_SNOWS_COCK ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:26:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Marv?
Herr_Doktore ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:00:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And try to murder their young child?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:17:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:01:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
CountBlah_Blah ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:04:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My sink fills up in 15 seconds. It's like it's clogged no matter how many times I clear it, you would cause massive water damage to my house. That's very annoying haha
Krindus ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:23:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take fiberglass insulation and spread it in their bed and the inside of their cloths.
turbodollop ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:31:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I am so itchy just thinking about this.
Haroldbjohnson ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:34:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man that's evil
skeeter_mcbee ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:21:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Woah there, Hitler.
Blast338 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:12:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You need a hard kick in a sensitive spot for even suggesting that. I have a jacket I got some fiberglass on my arms and then put the jacket on. I can no longer put that jacket on even after washing it.
derp_08 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:17:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put a shit ton of salt on everything in their fridge. Milk, soups, yogurts you name it. If it's edible, you salt it. If it's not, you pepper it.
sietemeles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:32:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Vote the wrong way in a referendum.
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:33:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
euu lmao
ponderpondering ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:09:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal all your toilet paper
smileedude ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 12:26:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ponderpondering ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:42:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I guess take them, put them in a bathtub and fill with warm water
myztry ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:53:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just a bead of super glue across one end of each roll so it doesn't unroll and needs to be picked apart one sheet at a time.
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:12:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Would it be more effective to leave no more than a couple of pieces on each roll?
ponderpondering ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:43:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you left each bathroom with enough for half a wipe. Then hide the rest or stole it destroyed the rest that would probably be the worst
god_si_siht_sey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:02:56 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plug the sink and let the roll soak in it
silencerdude ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:29:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or simply flip all the rolls in the holders.
fluffyshuffle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would flip all the rolls the opposite way!
gigi_bengosu ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:31:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Smudge everything with Snickers bars.
BnL4L ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:33:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the melon baller. Everyone who owns one knows they have it and that maybe one time they go to use it over the next 2 years they will go nuts looking for it
Wilreadit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:37:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait till the husband fucks the wife without a condom. Then drug them both. Suck out the sperms from the wife. Impregnate her with your own sperms. Tidy up and leave.
9 months later, they will be expecting a baby and they will get a baby but not the baby they were expecting.
And they are stuck with it.
arb93 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:35:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
wtf did i just read?
Wilreadit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:15:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
wut?
ihavetenfingers ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:24:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nice try three letter government agency.
Mr_Pineapple122 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:19:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Either explain why YouTube is a real job or quantum mechanics. Which ever is more confusing.
Hewgag ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:39:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap all the contents of the fridge and freezer. Fold and put away all the dirty clothes. Change all the bulbs to blacklights. Dull all the knives blades but sharpen the back sides of them. Write creepy poems on the mirror that only show up when steamed up from the shower. Replace all the houseplants with large cholla cactus. Flatten all the spoons.
ProChubntuck ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:54:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Poop in their toilets but dont flush
c3h8pro ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:08:10 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I used to "burglarize" the office I worked from every night to get even with a mean penny pincer who enjoyed making people she never met miserable. I was a Law Enforcement Ranger in a park system, we wrote a lot of tickets but I tried to always be fair and not crush folks with fines they really didn't earn. One of the women who did the processing of the tickets would purposely delay the reply's to cause extra fees or she would "loose" a ticket just because she thought the name sounded Jewish. So every night I would go in and we would move the desk over so she would have to drag her hips to get to her seat. As she got older the gap got tighter, she went on a diet and she would yo-yo up and down as we moved the desk to increase and decrease the gap by like millimeters. We would move the desk toward the back of the trailer to make her not be able to turn her gut from the chair or raise the desk and lower the wheels on her rolling chair so she would bottom out on the mat under the desk. I got good at adding washers to move the middle drawer up and down so it would drag on her thighs and make her adjust her chair down. Three years we would do this, one item a week millimeters at a time. She finally cracked and started blaming her husband that her was trying to poison her with those Olestra potato chips! They ended up getting a divorce over it with her claiming the whole time that he was doing things to her food, she went as far as having a second fridge put in the garage and locking it. Last I knew she moved to another department and I have no idea whatever happened to her divorce situation. So be it! Fat nasty bigots deserve what they get.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:19:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into a Muslim's house and start up 4 lbs of bacon in the oven.
veritasserum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:28:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put copies of "Dreams Of My Father" in their bathrooms. They won't be able to distinguish it from the toilet paper.
fdsa4321lbp22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:40:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything in the house 5 cm to the left.
Hewkho ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:41:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mess up their router, change password, unplug cable or throw it in their toilet.
Prancing-Dantelope ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:44:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything an inch to thr right, they will bump into everything, mwahahaha
LucasK336 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:46:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shit in their toilets and don't flush
Maxpowr9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:50:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Underpants gnomes.
megaozojoe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:02:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave one of those squeakers. The electronics that make a ringing noise every three minutes or so. That would annoy the fuck out of me.
Humble_Fabio ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:02:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd put all your pans, pots and cookware in the wrong cupboard or cabinets.
verisimilar4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:18:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Eat half of everything in their fridge and cupboard. Also, take out batteries in remotes or unplug anything that's charging.
CakeOrNothing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:23:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace their luxury toilet roll with that cheap stuff that your finger goes right through.
cheeze_skittles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:24:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the locks on their doors.
DarrenEdwards ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:25:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Write Helter Skelter on the walls.
Eroe777 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:25:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move the furniture a few inches. Not enough to be obvious to anyone passing by the room, but enough for the homeowner to stop and look again.
zombietreefrog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:28:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd take human sized poops in their cats litterboxes.
misterbondpt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:28:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Wet Bandits strike again!
Pdino ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:30:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Personally, I'd move some things a couple of centimeters out of place. Then, when the people living there either move it back or get used to it, I go back in and move it another way.
ssfgrgawer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:32:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
hide every single left foot shoe and sock they own. Every one.
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:33:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why not left shoe and right sock?
ssfgrgawer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:38:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
because both feet can be warmed in one way or another. this way their left foot must be cold, or they must use a right side sock on the left foot and what kind of maniac would do that.
mattreyu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:33:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave all their sinks running
brownpearl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:33:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
To this day I do not know what happened. One day me and my kids come home from the store or movies or something and all the remote controls in the house were opened and the batteries removed and battery doors were left sitting beside the remotes.
MikeW86 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:34:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove every item from the house and replace it with an identical copy.
VirtuousCactus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:35:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change all their computer passwords
bretto2004 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:35:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Clear out a bedroom and put a Barbie doll sitting on a normal chair right in the center of the room.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:35:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Visit the same house every night, then move their things very slightly and hide those green army figures there.
TeamRocketBadger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:36:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide all the TP.
mike1one ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:36:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal half of the food they have in the house. But only half, for example: half of acheese wheel, one jar of peanut butter out of two, etc. True story, happened in my dorm room, still don't know who it is and it really weirded me out...
Shiloh_the_dog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:36:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tell them to upgrade to Windows 10
MainExport-NotFucks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:36:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change their browser search toBing.
Upgrade all current rolls of toilet paper in the house with a better brand.
Change their light bulbs to different colors for each room.
Set their alarm ahead by 12 minutes.
Cook bacon in their house. Dont leave them any. Make sure they can smell the ghost bacon.
arb93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:41:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
nah set their alarm 12 minutes late
Mottaman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:37:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You steal only the blender, paint the dog and put all suits in the bathtub except for the ugliest
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:31:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Vanvidum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:37:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reorganize their kitchen, but put everything in a different place. Wait a couple days, then do the same to another room.
YoshioR ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:37:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip everything in the house upside down. I mean everything. EVERYTHING.
lantz83 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:38:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well just moving their toothbrushes around should give them something to think about.
Blownsociety18 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:38:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
switch around their remotes and turn any chairs around
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:39:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Draw smiley faces on everything.
AREyouCALLINmeALiar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:39:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When you leave your shoes next to the door? Flip flop them so the left shoe is on the right side and the right shoe is on left side. Every. Single. Day.
Works well on people who don't tie their shoes and just slip them on.
CylonGlitch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:33:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Every day go back and steal one left shoe.
theodore33 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:40:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything a tiny bit and turn things backwards. Move the furniture and such a few inches in the same direction, just so that everything is a little off (and perfectly suited for toe stubbing. Next, switch the direction things go. Change the orientation of the tp, rotate any table close to a square by 90โข and any circular table 45โข (or whatever the formula 180/legs gives you. Finally, take out your trusty drill and make doors open backwards (if you have time.
Finally, insert a few cctv cameras and enjoy yourself.
donuts4everyone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:41:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
-Change all the doors so they open the opposite way. -Put a timer in the main trip switch so it it trips in the middle of the night, all the appliances have to be reset and their food spoils in the fridge.
Master_apprentice ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:41:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Over the course of an entire year, I would eat their front door.
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:42:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
meta
boothnat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:42:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave bad hentai drawn by me in their family albums.
ZarquonsFlatTire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:42:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Start leaving porcelain dolls and clown dolls around. That house will be burned flat in no time.
Deluxe78 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:44:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plunger left on pillows master bedroom
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:44:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Look up the book i killed the mockingbird
obsessedwithhippos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:45:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rotate their clothing drawers around. Fresh out of the shower and open the drawer looking for underwear..nope, you get the t shirt drawer.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:45:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange everything in their drawers and on their tables and counters...
...and then move their furniture over a few inches. :)
Recruiterbluez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:46:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would set all of their dvr recordings to the climax of each episode of show they liked... such as right as Rob stark got stabbed during the red wedding.
stay_sweet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:46:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Slowly replace all the pictures in their picture frames with somewhat-similar looking stock photos.
chiaros ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:47:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace every photo with a picture of the sloth astronaut
Leharen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:47:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take out a screwdriver and unscrew a bunch of random things. Not only will that piss the victim off, it'll also make them paranoid, wondering which things are screwed on and which ones aren't.
urabewe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:49:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The courteous crook!
He even put on a new roll of toilet paper... and the right way too, from the bottom out!
codythecoder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:49:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do small chores very occasionally. Always leave a note with "nice" written on it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:59:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This one would be so strange.
KeriRussellBrand ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:50:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Saran wrap on all the toilets.
Change the orientation of the TP roll.
Hit the factory reset button on their wifi router
ArtisanCornDog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:51:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Some friends of mine went to a random house party in college. The hosts sold them house cups, ran out of beer 10 minutes later, and told them, "Tough luck."
The house had a shared trash enclosure with other houses on the block and each house had a key to access it. My friends found and pocketed this key and then stole the battery covers off all their remotes and left.
squirlysphinctr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:52:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Organize their junk drawer in the kitchen
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:52:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace their lamps with lava lamps and replace their doors with beads.
No_Eyed_Dear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:53:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave one fork and teaspoon in the cultery drawer but leave all the big spoons, take out the rubbish and re arrange the furniture.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:53:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all easily movable furniture (e.g. table lamps, flowers, etc.) to different areas of the house, and cut one leg of all big furniture (e.g. chairs, tables, beds) about 5cm shorter.
Aloysicious ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:54:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave uplifting notes of kindness and positivity in people's homes.
chokingonlego ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:54:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Using chisels, drills, wood filler, and screws, I'll randomly take doors in peoples houses and reverse them so the handle is on the wrong side. Do this to a random door once a week rotating around a whole neighborhood, I'll have created total chaos.
Sunlit5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:54:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything one inch to the left.
Th3n3wd4wn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:55:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Once every few nights I will take a single object in the house, always the same object of course, and move it to some random but believable location. Then watch as the victim goes mad debating if they keep moving it and not remembering or if it is possessed.
CaptainSponge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:55:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place prawn heads in their curtain rods
Doodle4036 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:55:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
reshuffle the contents of the various condiments in the fridge (put the mustard in the ketchup bottle, vice versa, etc.)
redraja190 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:55:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything in their house ever so slightly. Make them think someone is trying to fuck with them. But when they tell others no one will believe them
evdog_music ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:55:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go through every photo, on their walls, in their albums, etc. and paste Shrek's face over every face
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:56:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit. I have been talking about this with my canadian friend, basically how he's going to know I'm in the area.
Steal his doorknobs. All of them.only the doorknobs. Then come back later and take the doors and lave the knobs.
steppedindogpoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:56:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I put vaseline on the bottom of all the handles in the house & stretch cellophane across the top part of door ways. I also hide all the toilet paper.
MrGeorgeSays ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:56:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Systematically convince their TiVo that all they want to watch is telenovellas and walker Texas ranger.
dagr8one13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:57:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would pee on all the toilet seats...and then leave all of them up.
IComeWhenISneeze ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:57:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find every thing that uses batteries in the house, and flip the batteries so they're in the wrong way
thederpy0ne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:57:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go into their house and put all their items into different barrels.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:57:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put their headphones in the middle console of their car. Unplug the coffee machine. Put water on the dry dishes. Turn their toilet paper the opposite way.
MuresMalum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:57:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave their water running.
Seems-Reasonable ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:57:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all their controllers with mad cats.
denutter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:58:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Get all their towels wet
roidetective ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:58:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove every single light bulb in the house, including spares. Remove all batteries in all devices
kentsor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:59:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In East Germany you could make a career out of this. The Stasi was really a charming bunch. They'd break into the homes of political opponents and mess with them in subtle ways as a means of oppression via psychological attacks. This was called Zersetzung, meaning rust, corrosion, decay and similar things.
secondphase ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:59:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
switch the coffee with decaf but leave it in the original container, short-sheet the bed, fill their bathtub with deadly water vipers, and put a rubber band around the handle of the spray nozzle at the sink so it splashes them.
ruoqiLehTmAI ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:28:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
๐ถ one of these things is not like the others... ๐ถ
keenly_disinterested ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:00:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
nthplace ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:01:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Clog the sink and leave the water running.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:01:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap the wiring in the light switches so on=off.
Change the disk left sitting in the Games console.
Remove bed sheets and unfold clothes.
Remove 99% of food from it's container so they think they've got loads but they actually have none.
Put batteries in backwards.
ruoqiLehTmAI ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:29:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's easier to just turn the switches upside down in the boxes...
Kumashirosan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:01:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all their toilet papers.
jarachialpah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:01:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bend all their forks in half
10_96 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:02:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch all your AV inputs.
DoggedDust ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:02:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sneak in every night and move little things around. Watch them slowly go nuts.
selfcerulean ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:02:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the socks
pixiebiitch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:03:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
move everything slightly to the left, so they feel JUST a bit off and keep bumping into things but can't really figure out why.
FrodoFighter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:03:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would break in and move every piece of furniture just slightly to the side.
Way to slam your toes against everything.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:03:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the wifi password.
I_Love_Bacon_Cookies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:04:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip all the toilet paper to the other way around.
Itsthellama ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:04:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip all the batteries in the house so the ends are on the wrong side. Remotes and stuff won't work but I think some people will open it, see there are batteries and close it again.
shitinahat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:04:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lock myself in a duffle bag and suffocate in their bath. Ha!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:04:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Clog all of their sinks, and leave their water running, so they know it's the Liquid Thieves.
ruoqiLehTmAI ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:31:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Um... The wet bandits...?
bzzzzzdroid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:04:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Secrete some foreign coins under the cushions on the sofa. Move all furniture 15 cm to the left
Heavy_hat_salesmann ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:05:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange their kitchen drawers.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:05:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Install a wall safe. Leave it locked and don't leave the combo.
JustALittleNightcap ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:05:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Flip all the toilet paper rolls the opposite way they had it.
If they squeeze their toothpaste from the end, squeeze it in the middle. If they squeeze from the middle, squeeze it from the end.
Swap criss-crossing/straight barred laced shoes.
Swap CFL and incandescent light bulbs.
Smash a hole in the wall, put an open safe inside the wall with a note, "I knew you had it, I'll be back for the rest, you better not be here when I return"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:05:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
CylonGlitch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:36:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Please break into my house.
Wh0rse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:05:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Read ghost stories at their bedside while they sleep.
kitjen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:06:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Set their Sky+ box to record all movies featuring nude scenes.
GiveMeNotTheBoots ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:06:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
There was a show, about 10-12 years ago, called It Takes a Thief...
It aired on Discovery and only ran for two seasons (because, I suspect, they had pretty much run it as far as they could), but it was great if you wanted to learn about how residential burglaries happen.
Anyway, the hosts were two former burglars, and the main guy who would do the actual break-ins, Jon Rainey, mentioned a couple times that one thing he used to like to do as a teenager when he broke into someone's house to fuck with them was to steal all the batteries from the remotes :)
Edit: Holy shit, all of episode 1 (from season 1) is on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lF6gFRCA4ZA
Mjimenez70 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:06:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unplug every charger cable that is behind a piece of furniture.
longtermbrit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:07:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Switch every brand name product for a generic equivalent and vice versa.
Replace their crappy toilet paper with luxury 4 ply.
Go through their Netflix and five star everything.
Wind some of their clocks backwards and some forwards by 15 minutes each.
Put the kettle on 5 minutes before they're due to wake up.
In the winter defrost their car for them.
nickcardwell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:08:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap gravy granules with the instant coffee container.
IClaudiaI ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:08:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I turn all their mugs in different directions!
NotThisThingAgain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:08:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange the kitchen cupboards, half close the water stop cocks, empty a bottle of washing up liquid into the toilet cistern, demagnetise the fridge and freezer door seals and replace all the toilet roll with single ply.
ruoqiLehTmAI ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:33:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This might be the most British thing I've ever read.
williamj2543 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:08:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think the movie Falling Down pretty much answers this
Huwbacca ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:08:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Smooth out the jams, peanut butters, ordinary butters, marmites etc in their cupboard.
Every jar just looks like it's brand new just, depleted.
Gear_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:08:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's the Hamburglar.
Yolotasticsx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:08:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leaving the toothpaste cap open and smearing toothpaste all over it.
awfulentrepreneur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:09:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch their video inputs on their TVs.
plasmidon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:09:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fill their wallets with fake money every day
Katchafire69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:10:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Their left shoes and only their left shoes
Brendonios ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:10:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unplug every electrical appliance while the homeowner isnt looking
Exileman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:10:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Alarm clocks. Any existing ones, set them incorrectly. Then, buy a few cheap battery operated ones. Set several of them up in hidden spots. All to the same time, and make it like 2 AM.
Kootsiak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:10:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would do their taxes wrong so the IRS audits the shit out of them, cut the bottom off their shower curtain so people can see their dicks, flood the bathroom with towels in the sink, tie multiple knots in all the clothes in their closets and leave an ominous message with fire on their lawn.
All while high on Riderall.
Anewswens ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:10:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal their dishsoap. I seriously think someone did that to me and my roommates because one day it was just gone. Nobody had any clue how it could have went missing. Full, almost brand new bottle, never to be seen again. So yeah, I think that'd be a good one.
Big_Scoooop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:10:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Iin this thread, OP has no idea what the word burgle means.
Dexaan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:10:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put their toilet paper back in the case. Every night for a week.
Youwillloveit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:10:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Playing Umbrella corps in front of them
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:10:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange the furniture once a week.
stephen2awesome ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:11:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take my dog inside. Brush her. Leave hair everywhere.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:11:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd rearrange furniture so everything was facing the wall.
TweekedJustABit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:11:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything slightly to the left
ShaftRaptor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:11:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange their furniture every night
MetalliMunk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:11:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take out the batteries in their tv remote.
jv20three ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:12:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Play with their dogs
neck_is_red ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:12:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch thier political signs. Repeatedly
itsjoe27 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:12:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Things to confuse or annoy my victims
ToxicVoids ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:13:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the furniture an inch or two from its original place
nathanaewww ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:13:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave post it notes all over their apartment
bostonjerk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:13:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shit in the butter container. Jizz in Mayo.
pschofieldjr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:13:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cut the faces from all the pictures out and replace them with Tom Cruise's face.
Girb99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:14:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Slightly adjust the driver's seat of their car, every day.
Pokemaniacjunk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:14:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Whenever I go to a house of someone with ocd I'm gonna make their house unorganized and for any house I break into I will leave chucky dolls in random places like the toilet bowl or a closet
juusman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:14:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all their furniture precisely a couple of inches over. I'd be annoyed but also couldn't figure out why I'd be bumping into things all the time.
Fitzyy97 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:14:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd re programme the keys on all the keyboards in the house, like on their computers and phones. Make it so that pressing number 1 would enter a letter etc.
PMMePuppyDicks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:14:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would take a bunch of pictures of me and their dog just broing out in their house, then send them the links here on Reddit from this account.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:14:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stuff their drains with rags and leave the water running. Not original, I know, but effective versus everyone except Kevin McAllister.
Count_my_shit_posts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:14:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This thread.
m00fire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:15:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Have a shit and use his cat to wipe my arse.
coach_veratu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:15:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
find every battery operated device in the house you can, and rotate the batteries so the devices don't work.
thinkintuitive ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:15:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal the back of their earrings.
juusman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:15:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In each family photo, replace one family member with a picture of Danny Devito.
Project2r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:15:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Erase random episodes of stuff on their DVR.
Replace it with random episodes of stuff they aren't subscribed to.
DudeMcdude251 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:16:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'll try to act like a ghost. Closing/opening pantry doors, making squeeking noise, rattling chains, rearrange the magnets on the fridge, misplace pens and messing with the television. The best afterlife a ghost could ask for
finnaeus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:16:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all of the caps off of their milk/soda/water and put them onto bottles of different colors. It could trigger an entire family! And leave all of their spoons in a frozen block of ice in the freezer. That way ice cream couldn't solve their problems either!
luluskywalker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:16:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything 3 inches to the right.
dankdaycare ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:16:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Add a lava lamp to the living room
Dupointrip ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:16:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pour gallons water on the coushons of their seats and bedsheets, especially before they retire from work in the evening.
I0I0I0I ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:16:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Heh reminds me of a drunken teenage night... 3AM... It was a kind of upscale neighborhood of single family homes, many of which had concrete sentinel statues of things like gargoyles, lions sitting, lions prone, owls, etc., many of which were not cemented to the stoops. So we swapped them around. Wish I could have been there the next day to see the reactions.
The_M4G ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:16:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange everything in their house to be on the opposite side, if able.
erontica14 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:16:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change their wifi password.
teamrushpntball ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:16:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip the toilet paper rolls the wrong way.
Depraved1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:17:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unplug their chargers and turn off their alarm clocks.
herewardthefake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:17:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch the "n" and "m" keys on their computers. I used to do this at work to people just to mess with them.
Doesn't work that well with people who can touch type....
ithunk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:17:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
go watch Amelie.
DerekPaxton ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:17:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal their jewelry boxes. Leave the jewelry.
Steal the husbands cell phone, take it out to a strip club and fill it up with pictures and videos. Return it before morning.
Hide a llama in one of their closets. (Pro tip: tranquilize the llama)
Put a tiny batman costume on their pet.
Use their cell phones to take lots of pictures of them sleeping.
Leave a "Vote for Hillary" sign on their nightstand.
Replace their pants with identical copies that are slightly longer. Repeat every few days.
Send sexy texts to a random person in their cell phone contacts, from their cell phone. If they have any naughty pictures on their cell phone, send those too.
Every night break in and refill their cereal. See how long it takes them to figure out that their cereal is unending.
Give their pet a haircut. Maybe dye it pink.
In the toddlers room draw lots of disturbing "kill mommy" style images on everything.
Tattoo the baby.
nickXIII ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:18:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mess with the picture setting on their tv, unpair remotes, change hookups (ie switch ps4 and xbox hdmi cables, etc) also switch audio cables so left is right and right is left.
irishink ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:18:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move the TV 3" to the left.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:18:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave work boots in an Occupy Wall Streeter's mother's basement.
GladiusLumin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:18:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Open all their cupboard doors, move everything around and leave the doors open.
mooncricket18 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:18:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace their meds with sugar pills
dhmal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:18:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave dane cook CD's around
PingedSpinxz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:18:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Smear my shit on their walls.
ripndipp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:18:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I eat your lunch from your workplace when you are looking forward to it after a bad start to the day.
benija ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:19:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put legos in strategic places around the house so they nearly eviscerate their own feet.
Cartersgill ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:19:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sneak in at night, and unplug the coffee maker.
Gullibledanishguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:19:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I vaccinate all my victims, causing them to develope AUTISM. *^
Luczrio ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:19:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
To maximize confusion I'd repost a used reddit question!
Im sure no one will notice!
Harleyquincey ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:20:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
To maximize confusion I'd repost a used reddit comment!
Im sure no one will notice!
bartefaen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:19:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Re-arrange peoples furniture while they sleep.
Kallox360 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:19:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dump out their milk at night, leaving a 1/4" of it to be found in the morning.
Beauclair ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:19:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If they have a silverware drawer/box with sections for different utensils (ie: one for forks, one for knives, spoons etc.) go in there and switch around each section. Also, you can change what dishes go into what cupboards.
ugly_monsters ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:19:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Paint their bathroom a slightly darker shade of the color it already is.
I_am_Nightwing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:19:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plug all the sinks and toilets in the house then run the water.
kristenjaymes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:20:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
https://youtu.be/GU-2C8Ec6co
cubs_win4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:20:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything 2 inches to the right
Graner316 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:20:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything in the house to the left by an inch.
emi_bee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:20:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the furniture two inches to the left and take all decor off the walls. Place carefully on floor. Done.
sock_buddy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:20:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
socks in fridge, lettuce in drawers
Atrocious_Grammar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:20:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Re-wire their home alarm system to play hardcore porn audio every time a door or window opens. And I would find a way to seal the control system shut so they couldn't deactivate it easily :)
o0_bobbo_0o ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:20:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all pieces of furniture 180 degrees.
TEAMZypsir ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:20:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn off their alarm clocks everynight
history84 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:21:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move the couches around
SHaRTTSTRiKE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:21:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
every night I'd break in and slowly move all their furniture to the left or right by half an inch.
UpvotesForLaughs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:21:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Slowly open their bedroom door and shine a light in their eye to see if it's open.
mrfroggy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:21:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
An elderly neighbour was convinced someone was repeatedly breaking in to her house and moving her mandarins around. She'd come to my door clutching a mandarin saying "I found this in the drawer! They've been in my house again!" She was extremely confused and very annoyed.
Turned out it was just Alzheimers.
:(
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:21:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide their car keys in the freezer.
zombie_girraffe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:21:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd perform a factory reset on all their electronics, then I'd change all the passwords.
If they were using one of the more common Wi-Fi routers, I'd change the firmware to give myself a back door so that I could remotely disable their internet or re-direct all their web browsers to whatever website I felt like making them view.
54697473 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:21:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd switch the direction of their toilet paper from over to under and vice versa.
mstrdsastr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:22:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If it's winter turn on the A/C to max, and if it's summer turn to heat to max.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:22:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I spike their drinks and food with LSD! :o
ahldr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:22:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
dance on their cereal boxes
thisonetimeonreddit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:22:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make a really nice meal, and do the dishes.
Ramoncin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:23:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Use every match and toothpick in the house, then put them back in their containers.
ptyblog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:23:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Screwing with the network setup.
The_Withheld_Name ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:23:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Using sleep-hypnosis I convince the victim to ask a boring question on Ask Reddit.
Karpman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:23:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all their toothbrushes wit brand new ones, but make the new ones look slightly used. No everyone in the house will be absolutely confused as to whose toothbrush they used.
Lo2us ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:23:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thought this joke is relevant hereโฆ A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sx, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kll us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!"
turbodollop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:24:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hard boil all their eggs and leave no trace.
insidemyvoice ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:24:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn their toilet paper around.
turbodollop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:30:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think I am the only person on reddit without a strong optinion on the right way to hang TP. I wouldn't notice this
LexingtonSmith ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:24:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unscrew each of their light bulbs just enough so that they will still stay in the light fitting but won't turn on when the switch is on.
iLikeSaints ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:24:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I never run around in the bushes in a ski mask when Iโm breaking in someplace. Somebody catches you, whatโre you gonna say? You want to look like a legitimate visitor until the very last minute. If you canโt look legit, confused works almost as well. Maybe get a soda from the fridge or a yogurt. If youโre caught, you just act confused and apologize like crazy for taking the yogurt. Nothing could be more innocent.
HipsterTrudy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:24:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal their TV remote and on occasion drive by just to turn it off
TheArchigon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:24:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd print pictures of them sleeping, frame them and hang them in the walls. Of course, using their money.
Basically it is not stealing, just money alchemy.
IntiemePiraat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:24:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like someone is doing this to me already. Can he please stop hiding my guitar picks. I can't find them!
DamonTarlaei ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:24:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's a movie based on this idea. The Edukators or Die fetten Jahre sind vorbei. They did things like this
A couple of "anti-capitalists" in Berlin, breaking into houses of rich people, moving furniture and causing as much hassle as they can without really causing too much damage, and leaving notes saying things like "you have too much money". Things go wrong on one of these missions, and the end up kidnapping the owner of the house. The movie kind of focuses on a love-triangle, ending up kidnapping a guy when they're just trying to send a political message (and thus turning themselves into serious criminals), and the people involved. Worth watching.
Novogrod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:24:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Delete their entire music library and replace it with Nickelback. Ringtones too.
pnu7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:25:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You wouldn't be called a burglar. That, OP, is called a troll.
TheNegotiator12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:25:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
turbodollop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:25:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the furniture slightly, just enough so all the rooms just feel "off"
Tape the bottom of their optical mouse.
lemerou ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:25:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Format their hard drive to install windows vista.
Pleasuredinpurgatory ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:25:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break in and replace everything with an exact replica - Steven Wright
OldWomanoftheWoods ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:25:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Basement. Water heater. Turn the temperature down 99F, luke warm.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:25:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
id try to recreate the pranks from the twits. slowly increasing the height of chairs, tables, walking sticks etc so they think they are shrinking is probably the best one.
AddyHell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:25:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take every battery they have, even the ones inside shit, and replace them with identical, but dead ones.
captaingrey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:25:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I still enjoy the troll I learned while taking a class in college. The instructor was discussing the book 'Burglars on the Job'. There was on burglar who has a house key, to particular house, for over 20 years. He could go in/out anytime he please since no one knew about it. Said burglar got tired of robbing the house because there was no challenge. Now comes the part I would do and something he did: move the sofa about an inch or 2 in any direction or move a plant, just move one thing and leave. Then sit back and watch the homeowners arrive, the cops get called and nothing found stolen.
csmicfool ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:26:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal only the toilet seats and shower curtain rods, but hide them in a closet. Then move all of the condiments from their fridge to their freezer.
mastergogo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:26:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Game of throne spoilers on the bathroom mirror.
Oh_its_that_asshole ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:26:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the screws out of off the door hinges in their house, and wedge that door back in place, closed.
CommanderGumball ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:26:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave lava lamps and remove bead curtains.
Kick all of the doors.
TheRainbowNoob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:26:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange all of the food in their pantry every Tuesday morning
ollkorrect1234 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:26:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Moving all except one furniture 5 inches to a certain direction.
ThePis7olStar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:26:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal all of their remotes.
Ethantburg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:27:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would go in and move every piece of furniture over 1 inch, so that the people living there who are familiar with the layout, would begin bumping in to furniture that the thought they knew where it was. It would slowly become a nuisance to them that they kept tripping on and bumping into things that they once were well acquainted with. I would also break in again once they got used to this new layout and then repeat the moving process.
ColoradoScoop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:27:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
See how many divorces I can cause by undoing chores. I'd bring the trash back in, carefully distribute the contents of the vacuum back onto the carpet, put the dishes back in the dishwasher.
Tallbean ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:27:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kill their pets.
TeamDeath ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:27:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the tv remotes. Those fuckers will look everytime they go to watch tv
Iwttmtcbhotcbh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:27:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal their batteries out of everything.
KrashKorbell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:27:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
rearrange the living room furniture. leave them a mastiff puppy. scatter legos pieces in all the places a person is likely to walk barefoot.
ILookandSmellGood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:27:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We had neighbours that had these plastic men that held up signs saying "Children playing" or whatever when their kids were out.
We stole one, took pictures of it all over the place, and gave it back before we moved. The pictures were dropped off on their doorstep periodically, then we stopped for 5 months (got lazy) and started doing it again.
arguablytrue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:27:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put post it notes around.
Gooftwit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:27:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put the end of their charging cables in their phones and then breaking them off.
Kevin_O_Loacvick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:27:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sneak into the house late at night while everyone's sleeping, set their alarm clocks 5 minutes before their job starts, mix peanut butter and mustard, put the toilet seat up, mix all the keys on the key chains, scramble the channels on the TV, delete the entire bookmark history from their laptops and dispose all the coffee in the house.
SashaTheBOLD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:28:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reverse all the toilet rolls. In some households, that alone could trigger a divorce.
Jitnaught ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:28:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a bunch of TV remotes from thrift stores, and then hide their real TV remote within the pile of randoms.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:28:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Set all their alarms to go off an hour early.
Wilreadit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:28:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I will steal their house and leave the things.
eatmyshit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:28:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Install a car horn under their car and hook it up to the brake lights. Every time they use the brakes the horn would honk.
geohunt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:28:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We turn on all the faucets in the house. We will be the wet bandits.
NemesisPrimev2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:28:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd rearrange their sock drawers! Their world would be plunged into chaos! Sock-related chaos!
bigmackKFT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:28:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into a home with only females, leave all their toilet seats up, and leave without a trace.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:28:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do this http://img2.thejournal.ie/inline/1644720/original/?width=418&version=1644720
rugbykid98 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:28:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal their remotes and change the channel from outside while they're watching tv.
tiggerdyret ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:29:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make every door open the other way and change it up every night.
rhysjt34 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:29:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've always loved the idea of stealing someone's TV remote then going past the house at random times and changing the channel or turning the TV off right in the middle of game of thrones.
Wilreadit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:29:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I will drug them, open them and steal their appendices. They will be so confused and violated that they will be thoroughly annoyed
mhguarig ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:29:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would sit below their lock and every time they tried to open the door, I would lock it again.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:29:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave left overs labeled with a name in the refrigerator
QCA_Tommy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:29:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Honest to Christ, about a month ago I was trying to get my shit together and get to work (note: I'm a slob). I dug under my bed and pulled out one shoe, but needed to find a pair, so I pulled out another... and another... and another...
In the end, I literally pulled out, not only 7 different shoes before never finding a pair, but 7 -right- shoes. I'm convinced my ex girlfriend did this to me to drive me crazy, because that seems statistically improbably. +-
DapperChewie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:29:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange their whole kitchen. Forks are in the knife spot, pantry is completely shuffled around, spices are in the wine glass cupboard, all the cups and glasses are flipped over and in the cupboard where the plates go, everything in the fridge is shuffled around, and out all their dirty dishes into the other side of the sink. Swap around all the counter appliances so the coffee maker is where the toaster was, etc. Don't forget to reorganize their pots and pans, maybe swap them with the tupperware. Finally, reorganize their fridge magnets.
My mother in law did this when she was here for two weeks when my newest kid was born. Drove me nuts. I'm still finding shit in places it shouldn't be, like taco seasoning in the drawer with the plastic wrap or a bottle of unopened ketchup in the baking goods.
Frostypancake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:29:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make it really obvious that there was a break in, signs of forced entry and all the normal things, but instead of taking anything just do the dishes, vacuum the floors, dust the knick knacks, literally clean and fix everything in the house, and after you've finished just place a picture of Mr.Clean on the kitchen counter.
mormotomyia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:29:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
write them letters with things to do for them.
ChefChopNSlice ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:29:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sneak into their house and take the batteries out of every smoke detector. Proceed to hide smoke detectors with dying batteries all over the house, within wall vents, inside couches, and behind heavy furniture. Place hidden cameras within house, and sit back to watch homeowners go abso-fucking-lutely neurotic while trying to stop the incessant chirping noise coming from all over the house. The only thing worse than a smoke detector chirping to remind you of a dying battery is 100 hidden smoke detectors doing it at the same time, and not being able to find them ! If this happened to me, I'd probably just burn down my own house.
arb93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:29:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
if they had multiple gang light switches i would weekly change the wiring around so each switch powers a different light
700k_keep ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:29:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Using their computer and searching for the weirdest shit in Youtube to make their recommended videos a bit more interesting.
McDiddyBopper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:29:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Every night I would go into the house and take one sock. Over time the confusion of the socks disappearing will soon cause tension as the search for socks is always the most frustrating in the morning. This will then escalate to accusations of each others and the frustration will build. Then one day, after I have been at it for a while, I will return the socks. The socks will all be folded, not with a match though, continuing the frustration and confusion.
overcrispy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:29:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide their remotes and batteries.
BumpCloud ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:30:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
3-Iron is a good Korean movie based on this premise.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0423866/
AnotherCrazyChick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:30:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Set all of the clocks back several hours so they wake up at 4am instead of 7am. Replace their shoes with one size smaller. Switch their toothpaste with their foot cream. Switch all of their lights to make it slightly dimmer. Put a psychiatric help line on their speed dial.
ilkikuinthadik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:30:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pry up a tile in the kitchen and carve a little hole out, then fill it with raw fish and glue it shut again.
shiftshapercat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:30:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would leave textbooks or political books on how established government parties that profess to be conservative or liberal don't actually represent you or what you believe in.
naunga ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:30:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I only break into married people's houses. I move one spouse's keys next to the other's. I stand outside and enjoy the, "why the hell do you keep moving my keys??"
undogooder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:30:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unplug all phone chargers in the middle of the night.
hammilithome ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:30:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
switch decaf coffee with reg coffee.
switch conditioner with shampoo.
switch toothpaste with gel, or vice versa.
DapperChewie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:30:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put their TV on 120hz mode.
turtlepanzer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:30:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would break in before everyone wakes up to go to work and hide all the keys I could find, somewhere like in the freezer or in the pots and pans cubbard.... so when they have to leave to get to work and think they know where their keys are...bam! I would do that only on Monday and Wednesday mornings. The worst days of the week.
420dutchie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:30:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stop taking so many drugs
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:30:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I know it says not to steal, but I would take their remotes so they have to walk up to the TV to change anything
BabaGanoush12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:30:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would put things in their home that weren't there, like paintings, plants mannequins, or like a playstation 4 box.
reonhato99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:30:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn on TV, change the channel, turn off TV.
Mr0z23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:30:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shift every object in their house to the left by an inch
Zelda_IS_a_Girl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:30:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd do a B&E every once in a while and kick down some doors like Dane Cook.
vakavaka ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:31:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I get out the long sleeve shirts. I daisy chain them hand to hand from the master closet to the clothes dryer. Like it's a rescue!
es84 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:31:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd move their car/house keys to a different location.
onebatch_twobatch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:31:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go into the kitchen and switch everything into different cabinets.
Repeat every month.
alvinism ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:31:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn on their computer at 3am and shut it off at 3pm everytime.
MoonMarauder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:31:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the places of pictures on the walls. For example move the one that has been in the living room to the kitchen and so on. My boyfriend and his friends used to do this in their friend house and it really fucked up his mind. (They also hide macaroni everywhere but that's another story)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:31:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the silverware and cooking utensils and hide them somewhere in the house
hammilithome ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:31:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
add unpaired socks to laundry bins.
deus_ex_machine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:42:21 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
you monster
AlmightyCheeseLord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:31:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Assuming I wouldn't be caught, I would re-arrange EVERYTHING. The desks,computers,random shit in drawers, you name it, its gone.
Mehkiism13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:31:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Probably switching how the toilet paper faces. People actually get pretty agitated over that.
Fart_me_a_heart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:31:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave a toaster strudel in the toaster.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:31:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Having done this multiple times before, Move peoples cars in a car park.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:32:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have been doing this for five years and so far no one has noticed.
My wife has different sets of wall decor throughout the house; like a giant wood fork and spoon set, a set of four 12"x12" barn paintings, two red/two white, vintage candle sconces with mirrors, etc. We have also accumulated family pictures with our kids as they grow too. Pretty much everything has a place and adds to the theme of the room it is in.
The first year it was just one thing, I just swapped the places of the wooden fork and spoon. Genius! Except you could see the different dust outlines so I ended up having to dust....worth it. The next year I swapped the arrangement of two sets; nothing is moved, just placement of the set. Year 5 just passed and I rearranged five different sets. I honestly thought this would be the year since we just moved into this place in May and she had basically just unpacked everything and decorated with her stuff.
cperkins3362 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:32:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange their furniture.
Haroldbjohnson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:32:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put dogshit on ceiling fan
9-BBN ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:32:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would exchange some hot / cold water taps, or the supply behind it.
ADrunkChef ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:32:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, apparently, I would drunkenly break in and try to find somewhere to sleep, thinking it was my own house. Because I did that in April. Still facing burglary charges on that....
nadarko ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:32:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn off their hot water.
OhMyLanta70 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:32:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into their house and program a universal remote to their TV. I keep the remote and drive past every few days and turn it on or change the channel.
700k_keep ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:32:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'll only break into the homes of single women.
I'll be having a rubber glove with me to tighten all their jar lids.
5higbee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:32:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Upgrade their toasters
Cant_standja ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:32:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything 2 inches to the left. They would constantly stub their toes, and when they get used to it, move it back.
sandbagging4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:33:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would open their fridge and tighten every cap on every thing in the as tight as I could. From their move to their bathroom and flip the toilet paper to dispense in an under hand fashion. Hopefully, they don't have their computer password protected, clear their bookmarks, set Internet Explorer as their default browser and for good measure, add a bunch of tool bars to it. Since I'm on their computer, I might as well change their WiFi network name.
Golden_Goose ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:33:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take a shit in their litter box
noam_compsci ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:33:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
metal bowl full of petrol, full blast, 6 minutes
Spugnacious ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:34:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hack their router so that every 17 webpages visited they are instead redirected to this.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:34:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Im cutting the shower curtain waist high so people can see his junk"
You_can_pm_me_random ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:34:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make a picture with their camera of you putting their toothbrush in your asshole. They probably wont immediatly notice that you did this (cause who checks their past photo's everytime) which means they will probably brush their teeth with the brush which means they put your poo in their mouths.
Misschief managed
Jimjule ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:35:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd remove and hide all of the light bulbs in the house, but I'd put them somewhere they'd find them after a few days. They'd buy more and then eventually have loads of spare bulbs.
misterlight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:35:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put their toothbrushes in my anus and taking a picture of me doing it with their smartphones, so they will discover it after some time
nerdening ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:35:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Poop in the kitchen sink.
RussiaNeverLies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:35:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unplug all the phone chargers so you have 1% battery in the morning and cant poop with your phone MUAHAHAHAHA
KansasMannn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:36:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The victims are girls, and I play with their hearts.
Angiesunshine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:36:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Marv: Harry, it's our calling card.
Harry: Calling card.
Marv: All the great ones leave their mark. We're the Wet Bandits.
imu96 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:36:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do a basic Arch Linux install on all their machines.
UrsaPater ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:36:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hasselhof their computers.
anomaly360 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:36:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the toilet paper and replace it with that brown harsh non-absorbent paper you find in public bathrooms.
flapsthiscax ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:36:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into jobsites and do everyone's work wrong
Oilfan94 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:37:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shit in the cat litter box.
super_odor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:37:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put there forks where there spoons go and there spoons where there forks go
ArrestedCoffee8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:37:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take away people's chargers
Mr-WTF ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:37:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove all ad blockers
jakeis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:37:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I break in to people's homes and flip all the batteries around in all the remotes and electronic devices I can find.
WooWooPete ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:37:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Imagine you're some full time contractor + part time burglar. What if you scoped out a house for a few months and came upon a discovery that the family you have been spying on is soon going on a vacation. Then, while they are on vacation, you remove all the belongings from the house, bust that sucker down, and build the a mirrored version of the house! Then put everything where it once was, but mirrored! That would be a total mind fuck.
getindumped ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:37:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cut holes in the plastic bags
AkuAku98 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:37:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the batteries out of every remote control, then hide both the batteris and remotes in different locations
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:37:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
steal the batteries out of everything
Sinker23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:37:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the furniture one inch to the left.
Dr_Mrs_Pibb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:37:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was reminded of this scene from Amelie. For those who haven't seen the movie, she's getting revenge on a guy who is a total jerk.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:38:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip the toilet paper roll over in the spindle.
Mirellemagic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:38:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Paint the doorknobs inside the house in different colors. You could also label everything with a label maker, leave notes on the back of the bathroom door, and put daily use items in different rooms on the highest shelf.
dudeguy1349 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:38:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place post-it notes all over their house and empty the recycle bin on their computer, so that they think they have carbon monoxide poisoning.
puppies42O ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:38:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Definitely have to go with poop in their cats liter box
TrumpsBastardSon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:38:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all of the clocks in the house back about 30 minutes.
MikeyKnutson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:38:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You just move things. That's it. Maybe switch the garden gnome from the left side to the right. Or slide their dining room table four inches to the right. Switch out pictures. Stuff like that.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:38:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Poop in thier cat's litterbox.
AanAllein117 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:39:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shift everything five inches to the left or right
theman585 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:39:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put their toothbrushes in the toilet and take pictures using their devices. Put everything back so they randomly find the pictures later.
aupenn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:39:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I start cooking breakfast for them and cleaning dishes and etc.
RileyRahe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:39:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the orientation of their toilet paper
tom641 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:39:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave bizarre sayings on post-it notes, or possibly attempts at helpful advice or supportive messages. But make sure to use different colors for different kinds of messages.
SuperSecretAgentMan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:39:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I flip all of their toilet paper rolls so that they unroll from the back instead of the front.
sirpsychosexxxxy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:39:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all the toilet rolls round the other way. Would work best for people living on their own, since everyone has a preference of which way round it should be.
tstd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:39:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide the remote control for the TV. They'd never know it was stolen, just misplaced. It could ruin lives..
Kiyoko504 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:39:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
wait for a family too go on a weeks Vacation, have the Husband and or Wife or a relative in on it,
Get a team and go in and Nail every single piece of furniture too the ceiling, put a ceiling lamp on the floor and put some Dry Wall Manikins dancing around it, as the light flickers playing this when they all return https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3XVVUgweIk&list=PLdIIhCFLohtHu9W1IKgphrp1xiQe2U6xw&index=6
hellschatt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:39:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I'd oil every handle.
Door handle? Check. Always both sides.
Refrigator handle? Check.
Sink tap and shower faucet? Check.
Window handle? Check.
Radiator handle? Check.
Every cupboard and drawer handle? Check.
Then after they've got confused and start cleaning the oil from every handle they'll inevitabley forget some of them because they don't have as much pleasure cleaning them as I did while oiling them, and they'll find oily handles throughout the whole month, maybe even throughout the whole year. Always when they find one accidently they'll get disproportionately mad.
EDIT: Forgot the microwave and oven handle.
sevectro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:39:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You know those little plastic easter eggs you can buy and put things inside? Well, I'll buy a ton of those. I'll place one in plain sight where they can see it - on the kitchen counter or on a couch. If all goes as planned, they throw it away.
The next night, I leave two, and then three, and so on. Eventually, I'll start putting them in more scattered, specific places. On top of the chandelier, inside the egg carton, in shoes. They will get progressively more infuriated and confused as more eggs show up in weird places.
After a week or two of the ever increasing eggs, I'll stop leaving them for 3 days. All the eggs will be gone. Just when they think it's all over, the next day I will have left a giant egg outside of their bedroom with a note inside that says
"You can't escape."
and following that giant egg will be a trail of small eggs, all smeared with fake blood. The trail will lead them to a lone easter bunny costume head. After that, it's time to move on to the next house.
Megsxxooxx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:39:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Print out & post labels for everything in the house, but call them the wrong thing. Sewing machine would say dishwasher, dishwasher would say cat dish, sliding glass door would say sock drawer.
Non-Polar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:39:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
On the Microwave, start by leaving the timer on 10 seconds (and not pressing start). It would go by consecutive days down to 4, but afterwards, I'll just make a random order (From now on, let's call these numbers on the TV "1,2,3..." Etc.)(Whenever I take a shit and it's absolutely huge or something, etc.). Next, I'll leave the TV's on numbers 1,2,10. I'll hire a child actor with a voice similar to the family's daughter or son. On days 4,7,9, the child will call to the father randomly with the message, "Save me, Frank" (If his name is Frank, then Squidward). I'll hire another actor (Heck, if the child actor has a mom, I'll hire her too. I'm not the devil). On days 5 and 6, she will wear all black as if she's at a funeral. She'll knock on the door and start weeping, until shaking her head and running away all of the sudden. On days 2 and 4, I'll get substance that looks like blood, dip both of my hands on them, and put them only on all of the cereal boxes in their cabinets.
On the final day, I'll just go to the house with someone behind me holding up and recording with a smart phone (vertically). After I knock and they answer, I ask, "Do you know why God punished the Egyptians for 10 days? And do you know what happened on the last day"
I then suddenly jump back, take off my shirt, and squirm all over the floor. I will tell "ITS JUST A PRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANK BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUH." I will continue this until I get taken away by the police.
I have not done this before, nor do I advise it.
goggle_pocket ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:39:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all of their furniture a few inches to the left.
haonowshaokao ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:39:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One time when I moved house I left a fairly realistic plastic toy snake in the cistern of the toilet. I'm not proud.
rolltide247 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:39:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shrink random clothing items.
fritorce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:40:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd run up to people and say "you are now aware of your breathing"
mynameispredictable ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:40:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide their toilet paper.
BadGrammarSucks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:40:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kinda not an answer to the question, but I think it fits: As a teenager, I always thought it would be hilarious to steal a stranger's car, get it detailed, washed, and waxed, fill up their tank, return it, and get the hell out of Dodge.
Ratmotored57 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:40:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
re-arrange all of the knick knacks and pictures. It sure pissed off my sister-inlaw.
notthecheese ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:40:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
creepy crawl
gloveboxtaco ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:40:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace their family photos with photos of other people's families.
NEIL_VON_POKEY ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:40:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take everyone's left shoe and bake it till it becomes a giant left blob. Then I'll tighten the laces everyone's right shoe so that they can't just slip their foot in anymore.
TheChivalrousBastard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:41:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fold ketchup packets in half and put them underneath their toilet seats, facing outward.
estrelle84 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:41:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip the toilet paper roll so it's going the opposite way. I do that every time I visit friends, anyway.
Bassethounds4ever ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:41:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I read this somewhere but I would steal their remote and randomly drive by every day to change the channel.
copperhair ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:41:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go into their closet and turn every single hanger backwards.
Milo_Diazzo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:41:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Make small openings in their cushions and sofas, and stuff marbles, rocks or maybe even sticks in it.
timberwolvesguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:41:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put an extra sock in their dryer so they get pissed off that they lost another sock while doing laundry.
mpg111 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:41:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Edukators movie starts with that idea
Fizzol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:41:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I turn their toilet paper the other way 'round.
Evan8r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:43:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my god, you're a monster!
the_real_bd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:41:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put the cereal into the wrong boxes and take the labels off the tins.
Talpss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:41:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch around the cords on their TV so that when they go to HDMI1 for cable it's like their Xbox or something.
KronoakSCG ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:41:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
every day for a year i decorate the house for each and every holiday, including hug your cat day on the fourth of june.
pieliker24 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:42:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Wet Bandits
idiotsavant1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:42:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cook bacon and leave
cnerog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:42:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn half of the knives, spoons and forks in the drawer in the opposite direction. Come more than once to the same place.
chickensandwicher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:42:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Load their fallout 4 games and place fast travel spawn beacons at the highest point above all of their settlements
GuttersnipeTV ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:42:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take a poop in their toilet. Every night. For the rest of their lives or until they get a security system.
sloppyedits ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:42:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
First- toast all their bread and put it back in the loaf. Then- rearrange the cereal in all of their boxes to be incorrect. Finally- change all of the labels on spices and jars in the kitchen.
Maybe move the dishes into the drawer and the utensils in the cabinet's
InfaredPoint ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:42:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unscrew all the light bulbs in a house and place them inside a toilet.
twdalbeck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:42:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably move the furniture in the living to the dining room and vise versa.
midnitewarrior ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:42:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I break into a bank vault in the middle of the night and TP it and lock it up when I'm done without stealing anything.
Eephus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:42:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Install some kind of electronic chip in the smoke detectors that cause them to chirp at random intervals regardless of battery status
pacguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:43:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd just come in and flip all the toilet paper so it's hanging backwards.
RPtheFP ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:43:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had a class in high school where a law enforcement instructor came in. He used to be a detective and said the one case he was never able to crack was a person that would break into a house at night and shit on the carpet. He said it happened to about 10 homes before it just stopped.
mysteriouswayz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:43:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The simplest thing. Take the batteries out of the remote and the smoke detector.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:04:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That got sinister fast.
mysteriouswayz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:45:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What can I say. I'm evil incarnate.
mcleric ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:43:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all of the toilet paper rolls round the wrong way
wzpgsr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:43:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put the Fruit Loops bag in the Frosted Flakes box.
Flandersmcj ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:43:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tune all of their TVs to CSPAN and set the volume on full.
ziwcam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:43:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch these with each other: http://i.imgur.com/u1iKdG7.jpg
al3x79 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:43:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn the toilet roll around so the paper is against the wall. Every. Morning.
dv282828 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:43:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove 1 button from random dress shirts in the closet. Empty out their ketchup or other condiments but put the bottle back. Use the toilet but not flush. Throw a bunch of clean clothes in the dirty laundry bin. Hide any electronic charging cables/headphones I can find. If the person is reading any books I'd move their bookmark to a different place. Change all the clocks so their all about 5 mins slow. Leave a bunch of crumbs on the counter and hope they get ants. Then I'd go through their browser history on all of their computers just cause.
montyjr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:43:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break in to house. Place piece of frozen fish in air duct. Wait for it to thaw. Smell ensues. For better effect, place frozen fish cubes behind the electrical socket plates.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:44:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put all their toilet paper on the holder the wrong way round
Umikaloo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:44:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I leave those little hotel chocolates under their pillows every night.
AP246 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:44:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find and learn their handwriting, find their calendar, and write.
"Alzheimer's appointment" on a random date.
Then open the computer's browser, google "Do I have Alzheimer's" and turn off monitor.
NEIL_VON_POKEY ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:44:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd also move all their furniture by like an inch or two just so that they'd stub their toes every now and then
rockboy421 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:44:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn there wifi off as important things are about to happen in whatever their watching on Netflix
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:44:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the batteries out of every remote in the house and leave creepy notes under the battery cover.
Timwi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:44:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is literally the plot of the movie The Edukators.
Iamgonge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:44:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd go through their house turning each picture I find upside down.
brenstar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:44:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did this to a friend, broke into his house while he was at work and replaced everything in his livingroom with everything in his bedroom. He was very confused.
ChinaMan28 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:44:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the remotes...
Jmersh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:44:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Once a month swap one of their keys out with a similar looking but non functional one.
WillfullJester ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:45:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait till nobody is home and move every piece of furniture two inches to the left.
Edit: a word
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:45:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Then I'm not a burglar
tjmax ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:45:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put the toilet seats up. My girlfriend would constantly be yelling at me, while I go insane trying to figure out why hey are always up
Saucecup ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:45:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Create and account for them with ubisoft then log them out so they have to recover password to uninstall the launcher from their computer.
Oshunlove ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:45:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You do realize that the Manson family actually did this and called it creepy crawling.
FourteenFour ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:45:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I replace all their appliances with exact copies.
rustyshackleford239 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:45:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Open all the cabinets in the kitchen. Make the rugs just a little off center. Change the clocks to be like 12 mintes fast.
TruthSpeaker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:45:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch round the salt and pepper. They totally won't be expecting that.
LordKidneyPunch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:45:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plant a super-sized female underwear right outside their bedroom. When the wife finds it, enjoy the show.
senorpotatohead1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:45:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fill one of the bathtubs in the house with water and dump in a bunch of fish (preferably peaceful fish so they don't kill each other). Leave a jar of fish food by the tub with a note that says to feed them twice a day and take care of them. You can also do this with smaller fish in the sinks.
TheGoldBowl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:46:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Relevant XKCD https://xkcd.com/666/
stonercd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:46:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all knives with spoons. Put flies in their wine.
GrenadeSpamr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:46:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Factory default all their configured settings (TVs, Computers, Toilets, etc.)
imregrettingthis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:46:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to move plants around in peoples front yards when I went for walks. Nothing big. A few inches here or there or turned in facing the other direction but over a hundred walks in the same neighborhood I am sure some people where fairly confused.
ASliceOfRaisinBread ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:46:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd take all of their food out of the refrigerator and smear it all over the bathroom doors, then I would put all of their shoes where the chilled food once was.
hokily_dokily ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:46:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me of Dane Cook's B&E bit. The guy gets lots of hate, but he was once one of the best. I love this one.
Dane Cook - B&E
Pyro4Life ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:46:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Okay, okay! I'll tell you! It is so great! I sneak into people's houses, take things off their tables and shelves, and put them into barrels! Hahaha! Isn't that rich? They think the things are stolen, but no! They are right there! They just don't know!" -Otumeel, TES IV: Oblivion
emilioavelar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:46:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch the TV remote around from room to room
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:46:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Manson family actually did this before their homicidal spree. They would break into houses and move furniture around. That is how Manson trained his followers to quietly break into places.
pikachuichoosesalad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:46:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
These are all really good April Fool's day pranks! :) I'm going to use these
monkeyclock1234 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:46:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch the cutely around in the drawer. Put the knives where the forks were and the knives where the forks were etc
f_bastiat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:46:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all the batteries around in all the electronic devices.
Put a rubberband on the trigger of the hand sprayer at the sink and point it at where the user would stand.
Mix all the DVDs up in the wrong cases.
flash_me_yr_drives ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:47:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch the contents of the shampoo and conditioner bottles.
WDC1991 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:47:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plug toilet/throw plunger in bushes.
Put gay porn magazines under sons mattress/islamic terrorist propaganda under mattress.
Plant cannabis seeds all over yard and hope the family doesn't realize what they are for a while after they sprout.
Cocaine in toothpaste/piss in apple juice container.
then I proceed to call the cops a few weeks later as a concerned neighbour and tell them about how the parents are drugging their children/son joined isis/parents growing pot plants everywhere
affordableweb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:47:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace everything in one neighbors house with the stuff from another neighbors house and install cameras to record the reactions.neighbors stu
IConTrollYou ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:47:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the batteries out of every remote in the house.
GilmoreGirl28 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:47:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A la Matilda, replace someone's hair oil (or w/e that was) with bleach, and a la Amelie, switch the locks on every single door so the outside knob is on the inside and the inside knob is on the outside. Hahaha
zlalaman2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:47:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip every toilet paper roll so that it feeds from the bottom instead of the top
Man_savage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:51:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jokes on you mine are like that
Qlinkenstein ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:47:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Shake every lightbulb until the filament breaks and put them back in the lights. Every god damn one, three days in a row.
Apqpr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:47:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything 1 inch to the left. Not quite enough to notice the change, but enough to bump into tables and chairs while walking about the house.
NotAFrog4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:47:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would move everything in the house an inch and a half to the left so that way they would know something was different but they could pinpoint exactly what
Vietredneck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:47:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make them breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
jones6969 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:47:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When we lived in Colombia, there was some holiday where you were supposed to leave your lights off, but we didn't know about it. Someone broke in and stole our fuses from the electric box.
Zapkin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:47:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Since its the summer sale you could buy a few games on steam that are really stupid and dirt cheap so they don't ever remember buying it, but slowly work your way up to Triple A titles and for every game you install you have to uninstall 2.
idavidl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:48:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all their plates in the cup shelf and put all their cups and glasses in the plate/bowl shelf
Jobrohais ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:48:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bury all of their left shoes in the garden...
Barnyweasely ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:48:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Confuse- Fold all of their blankets, wash their dishes, and just generally tidy up
Annoy- move all dishes to a new cabinet. Switch out chairs in a room. Rearrange the furniture. Move a couple of things outside. Take out all of their clothes from their closet and throw them across the room. Hide their TVs
thehuddster123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:48:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave their faucets on when I break in. I'd be known as the Wet Bandit
schorsch3000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:48:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap :
spoons and fork in the drawer. Mugs and glasses Socks and boxers Just things that don't seem to be in the wrong place if you don't know that place before
thebefallen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:48:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reverse klepto... steal stuff from one house and hide it in another... and repeat.
"Where the fuck did we get 17 umbrellas...?"
PM_me1bitcoin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:48:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hang framed photos of my family on the walls.
flabbybumhole ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:48:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put things in the freezer. I'd start off with simple things from the fridge that could just be autopilot mistakes. And move up to weirder and weirder things. Car keys, pet food, shoes.
tokedalot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:48:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I put dead batteries in their remote controls.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:48:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
turn around all toilet paper rolls
sixnew2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:48:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place left overs in the refrigerator to slowly drive them insane.
_Skochtape_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:48:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything in the house 2 inches to the left, and a quarter inch forward. Let the toe-stubbing games begin.
BlueBongos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:48:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove every light bulb in the house.
KeriEatsSouls ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:49:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave opened jars of kimchi in various rooms of the house.
fuih8u ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:49:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reverse the light and fan switches in the bathroom.
Tyberry ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:49:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the toilet seats
pirateninjamonkey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:53:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You'd never find out who did it. You'd have nothing to go on.
StrangeConcept3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:49:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all their door handles off and put them back on reversed so they have to lift the handle up to open the door.
jhp58 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:49:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would do what Frank Reynolds does. I would fill out the persons tax forms completely wrong and mail them in so in a few months they end up getting audited.
ftbc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:49:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find the breaker box. Plan a path from the front door to there. Turn off a few breakers in specific places so they will immediately find a room with the power out and so the door to the breaker box is darkened.
Cover the open door with saran wrap coated with a thin layer of glue. Above that would be a envelope full of glitter that would tip when they walk into the plastic.
BlameRex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:50:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd unplug every single electric device and make a small cut In the wire so the don't know it's there but the device doesn't work
deshiznit22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:50:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the batteries in everything
The_Polack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:50:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move every piece of furniture two inches to the right
CyFus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:50:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
steal every working phone charger and replace it with broken ones, also steal every micro usb cable and replace them with mini usb cables
Shiftie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:50:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A friend of mine get's a little bit crazy when has been drinking. He is a very good climber and one thing he does is breaking into dormitories in the middle of the night and leaving whatever weird stuff he finds on the streets inside student rooms. He started out by doing it with people he knew, now also random people are victim. Two weeks ago he left the torso of a CPR manikin that he found in the trash in the shower of one poor guy on campus.
Great guy!
samlev ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:51:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all of their DVDs and BlueRays with "Paul Blart, Mall Cop". Replace all their CDs with the soundtrack to "Paul Blart, Mall Cop". Leave the mangled body of Kevin James tied to a chair in the dining room. Replace all of their books with the complete vision-impared subtitles for "Paul Blart, Mall Cop". Replace all photos with the poster for "Paul Blart, Mall Cop". Replace all of their clothes with mall cop uniforms that have "Paul Blart" on the name tags. Finally, change the desktop picture on their PC to a picture of "Billy Maddison".
KintsugiExp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:51:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nice try, nephew.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:51:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I put pictures of the first 100 responses for every time this questions has been asked on the ceiling above their bed.
imekwhodo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:51:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the batteries out of the remotes, swap USB mice ports
geffry ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:51:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the admin password and set the router to regularly reset every hour
richiegrichie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:51:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tidy their house, hospital grade. Then replace all of their bedding with their towels, and draw dicks on the door handles. Then leave, having stolen nothing but laughter.
QueenCameo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:51:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal everything that has a left to it, sock, shoes, all the left side of plates, cups, bowls. Leave the left cabinets open, steal all the eggs on the left side of the container.
Probably more annoy than anything but I would put gelatin in shampoo, wine (not sure if that would turn gelatinous), ice cubes. I don't know why I would do this, just to do a more "wtf why is my hair goopy?"
Oh take the stolen eggs, empty the inside and tie a fish string through it, then tie it to a thumbtack, attach to ceiling. Call it art.
I didn't have brothers or sisters. I have a back up of being a pest apparently.
numbers1206 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:51:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would install motion sensors in each room with speakers that would play the Seinfeld theme whenever someone changes rooms.
Death_in_fire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:51:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
While they are sleeping I would take their alarmclock and place it just outside their room and then lock their bedroom from the outside. And also lock every other door from the outside.
HollowScope ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:52:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all the pictures on the wall to the same angle, at a slant.
pisspantmcgee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:52:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ha! I used to do this to my pill-popping co-worker when I was in sales:
Scotch tape over the optical eye on their laser mouse. For those of you who don't know- it blocks the sensor and makes the mouse not function.
I'd do this about once a week at first. Then I did it more frequently until he knew what it was, take the tape off and yell "Fuck you pisspantmcgee" from his cubicle.
Then one day I put the tape on but also turned the battery around. (It was a wireless mouse.) This totally threw him off and he had a customer at his desk when it went down.
The next day when I came in he tried to laugh it off but I could tell he wanted to kill me.
I would do exactly this to people.
hockeypeg18 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:52:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lock all of the doors in the house
Slyman180 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:52:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Labels off all the canned foods. Game over
Teves3D ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:52:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
put full cups of water on floors with high traffic.
violentlyout ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:52:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I steal all of the caps off of their beverages. Milk, orange juice, beer--all gone.
stone_dickson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:52:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Didn't Charles Manson do something like this before all the murders and stuff?
whooptedoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:52:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all the toilet paper rolls around the other way.
tiny-jr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:52:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dress up their pets.
MarklarGlitch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:52:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip their toothbrush upside down.
KingBaemax ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:52:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shift everything in the house a few inches in random directions. Not enough for the change to be noticeable but just enough so you can feel that something is not quite right.
HoaryPuffleg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:52:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch around their cutlery. Place the forks in the spoon slot. Hilarity would ensue
HALBowman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:52:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch mayonnaise for miracle whip and vise versa. Wouldn't switch containers, just the contents. Wasabi in the relish. Leave all bread bags OPEN. Turn the heat up a tad, or down.
wordworrier ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:53:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In order to be a burglar, you must break and enter the dwelling of another at night with the intent to commit a felony therein, so whatever annoying thing you plan on doing better be a felony.
Macktologist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:53:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move every piece of furniture exactly 4 inches from its current location. It doesn't all have to be moved in the same direction.
CorsoKO ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:53:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I break into the house and trash the place but don't take anything. Just make the people go crazy trying to figure out what i stole.
That or i move all the furniture in the house to different rooms.
justmeithink ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:53:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd put the trashbag they took out that day back in the bin and put the empty milk cartons back in the fridge.
bighousmous ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:53:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move EVERYTHING 2 inches to the right (or left).
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:53:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put everything they have in the refrigerator and put it in the freezer, n' vise versa.
Rearrange all their paintings/photos in different places.
Rub a stick of butter on the doorknobs, so it's all slippery!
That's all I could think of, hah.
turbdnytro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:53:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn the toilet paper roll around, very subtle but so very obvious.
tartarshoes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:53:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Hmm, nothing seems to be missing, but there is a lava lamp here now."
makenzie71 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:53:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would just move all the furniture. Only about 3~5".
xAurai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:53:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn everything upside down.
McFloppers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:53:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If they have cats, poop in the litter box.
Mrunibro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:53:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break in an elderly person's home, move all of their furniture on a weekly basis and make their family think he/she is senile.
Nerdymonkeyboy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:53:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pour a small amount of water on the floor and paint the ceiling above it a shade darker, then they will think they have a leak
ledzeps ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:53:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Outside every door in the house, install speakers, that at random times in the day, play a knocking sound. Make it louder at night, so it's guaranteed to make them wake up.
veRGe1421 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:54:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of that Dane Cook joke about breaking in and breaking down the doors just to fuck with them. I know he catches a lot of flak here, but honestly when I first heard that bit it had me Santa-style belly laughing.
antibubbles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:54:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
wubalubadubdub What is this?
Kunstfr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:57:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One thing seems more annoying that others in that list
antibubbles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:03:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
wubalubadubdub What is this?
SandersClinton16 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:54:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
then you're not a burglar, just an asshole
_Arcadias ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:54:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Paint all their walls with different colours
Strokethegoats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:54:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A link to a similar and also hilarious thread https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/4asknr/reddit_youre_breaking_into_someones_house_but/
Leecannon_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:54:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cereal Boxes, and other random food items, not enough to starve them, just one or two things at a time.
ThatsMrRobert2U ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:54:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all the doors with those shitty bead doors
Torres22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:54:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all of their socks inside out.
poisoninthewell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:55:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Saran wrap the toilet seats, loosen all dressing bottle lids and turn as many items upside as possible.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:55:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave just enough toilet paper for a single wipe on the roll, but take all the spare rolls.
Oklis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:55:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I put a Christmas tree and Christmas decorations up.
thread-safe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:55:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Actually, this thread has already been given a movie adaptation in The Edukators (2004). Here's a trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=okBFWF0P0pM .
chk95 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:55:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Act like they're the ones robbing MY place then call the cops.
IBrokeMyCloset ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:55:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When you leave your garage open go into your house and steal your ice cream machine which makes you buy a second ice cream maker. Once you've done that i go through your opened garage and return the first ice cream maker
awvoor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:55:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Smash the door in, break windows, knock over furniture, pull out the drawers, make a complete mess of the house, but don't take a single thing. So the family is left in confusion, constantly trying to figure out what is missing for years to come, with no avail.
spartan_0630 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:55:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kick in all their doors and leave a lava lamp behind
Tungurbooty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:55:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You just move stuff around their bathroom like put their toothbrush where their razor goes, and razor where the tooth brush is just so they are like man I was in a hurry to leave I guess. But you replace something with an SD Card. Somwhere conspicuous but harder to find. What's on the SD card you ask? Photos of you shaving your butthole and shoving the toothbrush up your ass.
Pinstar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pee on the toilet seat. Open the refrigerator door and leave it open.
Only target married couples for maximum chaos the next morning.
EffinCornBread ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Open all of the cabinets every night.
DragonHeroBlaze ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Older brother came up with this one.
Break into cars in a manner that nothing gets broken or damaged, and move the car over to a different place in the parking lot.
Tarnis-Phoenix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the way their toilet paper is set. Over... Then under.
Then subtly shit in their litter box.
C-Love ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Easy. Just go in theough a window that a roommate left open next to an unlocked door, into a room with a nice tv, 3 gaming systems, and a very high dollar set of speakers and take...the shittiest tablet to ever exist, leaving the charger behind.
Or something like that. It works, from my experience
HazDaGeek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
feng shui %-)
grumpbackwhale ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unplug... Everything
kozmicbleu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all furniture two inches to the left.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change people's selected outfit. Those people that leave everything organized on their bed will be really confused.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange their living room.
TheForeverKing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A pineapple.
Kierik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:57:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is Reddit I expected the top comment to be jizz stains everywhere.
ModsSwallowCock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:57:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I steal they're tv remotes and change they're wifi password. Touch nothing else.
Somzer ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:02:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Steal their dictionary too while you're at it.
foodandart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:57:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I clean the house and move all the furniture around.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:57:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange furniture.
Not like a full blown move, but I would move things a few inches at a time, eventually completely rearranging everything.
GongoozleGirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:58:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
troll 101 advice here
nattyel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:58:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I move all the furniture around.
Depending on my mood and time, I may just nail all the furniture to the ceiling.
adelaide129 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:58:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i lived in an apartment in brooklyn with my best friend, we'll call her leslie, and we were good friends with the kids who lived in the apartment just behind ours. one day, the neighbours and i teamed up to switch couches. when leslie came home, she put her stuff down and grabbed a drink, and then just stood in the living room for a bit, looking around. "what's up with the couch?" "what do you mean?" "what do you mean, 'what do i mean?' this is not our couch!" "um..." i played totally stupid for about an hour. what kept her confused was that she knew the couch; we were friends with our neighbours and hung out at their place regularly, so it wasn't totally foreign. i really had her going for a bit.
so anyway, if i were a burglar, i'd watch and see if i could recreate that situation because it was terribly satisfying and funny.
reddituser135793 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:58:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Watch Dane Cook "B and E"
mexter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:58:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I take individual socks out of the dryer and make sure they are never found... Except for kid socks, which will reappear after they have been outgrown
kinseykats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:58:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal 1 sock from each pair they have
BigCads ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:58:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the lids from everything! ๐
Jammord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:58:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all their things slightly to the left
Rainbeneaththewillow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:58:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Glue all their furniture upside down from their ceiling exactly the way it was in the room when you entered.
IveBeenSubdude ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:59:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plant a trail of notes spread all throughout the house with each note leading you to the next. With each note it will seem more and more enticing to finish the hunt, with prizes or money offered at the end, only to complete the hunt and find the last note reading "The Game."
wilhelmbetsold ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:59:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I drill holes in each of their spoons
chrispar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:59:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd clog all of their sinks, turn the water on full blast, and leave as it floods. Kinda of like the Wet Bandits, but without the stealing stuff
Slopsie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:59:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I will move all furniture slightly to the left or right, so that whenever you think you can walk by it, you stub you toe.
ThatMrSpooky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:59:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Open up and add a penny to a phone/remote/controller and seal it back up. I'd keep coming back over weeks and weeks adding another penny each time so they never noticed the change in weight, then one night I'd remove them all so they'd end up accidently throwing things around because they're now super light.
cryptonium987 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:59:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Happybadger96 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:59:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mix up condiments, move things around very slightly, paint the walls z different colour
iblild ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:59:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Upper deckers
Nuwanda84 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:59:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd do a full reset of your TV and mix up all your channels.
orangeNelson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:59:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This question reminds me of the film The Edukators. The characters break into the homes of rich people and move shit around. IIRC the idea was to send a message about materialism and a reminder that they weren't as safe as they may have thought they were.
Gaaaaaar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:59:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all their name brand food with no name brand alternatives, or vise versa.
Mac5564 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:59:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave everything except for one sock.
Sam_JN ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:59:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything about 5 cm so they keep bumping into stuff
Inception1337 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:59:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change their desktop/phone's background. Not to anything extreme, either. Just something different to make them say "I don't remember changing my wallpaper to this..."
PM_HUGS_4_HUGS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:59:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cook a nice dinner and put in on the table. with a note saying my pet Tarantula escaped and I couldn't find her. the dinner is my apology
blimeyballs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:59:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd put all small electrical appliances in hard to open clamshell packaging, and take their scissors. I'd give them some new scissors, with the same packaging.
Thethirdtoken ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:59:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Eat their vegetables.
superduperdumper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:59:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide all the toilet paper in the house.
RiotsoOP ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:59:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move things like, an inch or two in one direction. Just enough that people will bump into them but not get why.
ruminajaali ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:59:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal all their spoons
tardis1217 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
In the movie Amelie, the main character does something like this to a nasty grocer in her neighborhood.
She replaces his slippers several times with smaller and smaller identical pairs. She changes his doorknob around so the lever side and knob sides are reversed. She replaces his light bulbs with old buzzing, flickering ones. Resets all his clocks to the wrong time. And finally, puts salt in his brandy, unplugs his lamp, drives a pin through the cord near the plug, and clips off the ends of the pin.
Edit: I forgot, she also changes the speed dials on his phone to the psychiatric hotline
PotNoodleADay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap the contents of their cupboards around.
Dumbdog27 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn the power off to their fridges and freezers!
martinsky3k ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If the victim has OCD. I would flick every light switch 52 times before leaving.
speedemon24601 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unplug all of their appliances and chargers, nothing in any sockets of that hime
seign ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stolen from 4chan but I'd scoop out a bunch of butter from his tub of butter and then take a shit in it. Then I'd cover the top back up with butter and even it out like it hasn't been touched.
leftysix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange where the cups and bowls go in the kitchen.
AfflictedTran ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would soak all their clothes and hide all their heat sources to dry them. Nothing more annoying than wet socks and being late because you have no clothes
BallinBrown23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put peanut butter in all of their shoes
MrImthatdude ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break all their toilets in the house, MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! GOOD LUCK SHITTING YOUR OWN PANTS!
Splendrous ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip all the toilet paper rolls so they roll out backwards
Michafiel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The first time, leave a note saying "You should lock your doors."
On the second night, leave a note saying "You can't lock someone out by locking them in."
tinydancerxox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
move their lava lamp to a different spot lol
HockeyCannon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Untie all their shoes
yParticle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Modify their router to disable wifi on a schedule. It probably has the default password anyway.
A40 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I tear up a cushion or pillow - or really better! - a stuffed animal.
I'm the Dog Burglar!
luvingood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Use a label maker and paste everything with labels. Move the expensive stuff outside and have a "garage sale". ๐
mhuuut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a teenager's I used to walk around the fancy gated neighborhood across from mine and search for open windows to sneak in and I would just raid the fridge. I drank so much oj it's ridiculous.
deshiznit22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think there's a song about that... breakin' and prankin' - Studio Gansters
WetBelch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move the coffee table 1/4 inch... and rearrange the cupboards...
NooMoahk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap hot/cold water pipes on some of their sinks.
heavyarmoire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Circle a date in a previous month on the calendar and, after they readjust it, circle it angrier and with more gusto every subsequent month.
When you don't think you can circle it any angrier, throw a tantrum, hide the keys and write "you know" 30 times on the wall
Kylebeast420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch the salt and sugar bwahahahaha
AFistFulOfRupees ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip the entire living room 180 degrees so everything is mirrored to what it was... fun fact, have broken into someones home and done this before.
(he's a friend)
tmurg375 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would constantly switch the toilet paper rolls around.
EvengerX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap all of their HDMI and AV inputs to different slots and swap the left and right side speakers in their surround sound system.
CountingPrimeNumbers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:01:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go to an Asian Grocery store and buy fertilized eggs with unborn chicks in them. (It exists - I have had them before...). Replace "normal" eggs with fertilized chick eggs. Next time they make an omelet, surprise!!
This is actually a true story. My roommate in college would constantly raid the fridge without asking and leave one egg left in the carton. I always purchased them and left notes many times. He knew I would share if he asked. I just needed to know if I should buy more next time I was at the store. Nope - he didn't even have the courtesy to do that. After he raided the eggs three times, he cracked an unborn chick into a frying pan. Problem solved. I do not even think he eats eggs anymore.
jellyfungus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:01:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange their furniture .
grouchpotato ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:01:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Glue all the furniture to the ceiling, exactly mirroring the original position.
zerza ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:01:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Night by night I'd change small but noticable details so they eventually think they're becoming delusional.
At first I'd start of by switching places with knifes and forks or putting their toothbrush upside down. Step by step I start turning some of their books upside down so they think it's morse code. Do their laundry or cut peoples faces out of pictures will come next.
Eventually I would start placing newspaper articles of a politician in every room. They clean it up, I put more down. Until one day I feel like the grasp of insanity has gripped them hard enough. That's when I put all those articles up and write in capital letters how all of it is relatable to the strange things happening around the house. Along side it all I will place a big plan to murder said politician.
By this point they will turn themselves over to the police. And bish bash bosh a new 3 room condo has just opened up and I swoop in and enjoy the memories I carved into those walls
nikurey91 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:01:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pee in the tank on the back of the toilet, so that when they flush more pee comes out.
Abovegroundradish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:01:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mow a different small portion of their yard every week, just enough for them to notice.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:01:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I buy expensive items and leave them around the house.
Geriatric_Punk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:01:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put all the cans in the cupboard upside down and flip the toilet paper around on the holders.
greensheepman7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:01:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd stuff all their toilet paper under their couch/in the back of their cupboards.
Zaculus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:01:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like someone just did this to me; woke up and my google chrome app's location was switched with my text message app.
greensheepman7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:01:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd stuff all their toilet paper under their couch/in the back of their cupboards.
AdventureBunny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:01:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take silverware replace it with cardboard cutouts of said silverware. Profit.
Null_slayer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:02:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cop here. I responded to an actual burglary. The only thing taken was beer from the fridge and they flipped a window A/C unit upside down.
ShaneDAWS0N ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:02:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Finally something I can share with people!
I would first buy some walmart stock picture frames, universal remotes and a set of dishes.
I'd go to one house and replace their TV remote with a universal one, then I'd replace a few of their family photos with the stock picture frames and replace a set of dishes with the dishes I just bought.
Now HERE'S where the fun happens.
The next house I would be replacing their family photos with the previous photos I had gotten. So imagine going home and seeing photos of some other family on your wall. Then wondering why your remote is gone and why your dishes are replaced. The other members of the family would just blame each other and say the prank isn't funny.
I'd hear about it on the news and there would be this huge swap meet where people would go there to get their stuff back but l but I'd show up and it would be a never ending annoyance.
Unicorncuddletime ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:02:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would empty condiments like ketchup and mayo and mustard so when the person that does the shopping thinks they're empty and buys more. While they're at the store I would refill them so they get confused as to why they bought it. I would then eat all the pickles, because..pickles.
mrboris ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:02:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change all their clocks back one hour.
wildwookie05 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:02:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not necessarily what I would do, but in the comic Enigma there is a villain group called the Interior League that breaks into homes and rearranges the furniture in such a way that the people who live there suffer a psychotic breakdown and murder each other.
Dmbender ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:02:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I change their preset radio stations in all of their cars
ghasp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:02:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reorganize their entire kitchen- suddenly their silverware would be in a different drawer, their glasses and plates would switch shelves, their fridge would be mixed up and their spices would have different labels.
kakkashi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:02:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break down the door, leave it open, take nothing.
DatTardisDoh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:02:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change their contacts around
cewallace9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:02:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make all the beds in the house
lorddeli ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:02:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Double tie all shoe laces and turn all clothes inside out and remove the yank chain from the toilet
jorisber ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:02:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Finnaly a question i can answer !!! i want to do this for so long, i would paint their mailbox. and probably hide their tv remote if its a family in one of the kids their rooms so they wil take the blame
BeedleTB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:02:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Every night, I would shave off half a millimeter from their dining room table, and chair legs.
PandaBroham ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:02:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mismatch all the socks and purposely hide one of the pairs so there will always be a single sock.
ivmilicevic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:03:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There was a thread on /r/AskReddit about strangest thing people found in houses, it's possible some burglar already thought of this Link to thread
TheBananaKing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:03:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sprinkle sand on a selection of bedsheets and toothbrushes.
gmackkk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:03:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put sand all over their beds!
NewZooRevue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:03:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In the kitchen: Bend every pot just enough so no tops fit right. And tweak all cookie sheets so they don't sit flat now.
Here's the smallest thing of all: spray paint over the oven's pilot flame. Or go down cellar and disconnect the electronic start on the hot water heater. Or rearrange a few plugs on the furnace board.
LordEng1ish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:03:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn things upside down.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:03:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would just slightly rearrange kitchen cabinets and drawers...
manaf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:03:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the locations of everything in the fridge. Switch hdmi inputs. Hide the TV remote in the least used shoe. Deflate 2 tyres. Drink the milk and return and empty carton to the fridge.
CurryChickenSalad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:03:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave their ice cream on the counter to melt.
Hide their TV remotes/ cordless phones on places they will never find them
Put ice cream back I'm freezer to re-freeze causing it to look and feel like shit with the little icicles
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:03:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
meinherzbrennt42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:03:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Slice up the undersides of all their couch cushions.
ogoextreme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:03:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just move a table 2+ inches to the left stubbed toes and dropped drinks everywhere
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:03:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move furniture 1 inch closer so that they always bump into it and don't know why
PureFoam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:03:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal their lunch or drink they brought from home. They will think they left it at home and when they are home they cant find it
F_Navid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:03:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would change the locks and move in.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:03:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take a massive shit in the toilet.
Then rearrange small furniture. Switch paintings and pictures around, move seats and other things.
Then I'd put any possible dirty dishes away just to be a cunt.
TheSheepPrince ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:04:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange their furniture.
BallouRicky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:04:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace everything in the house with a small scale version of the same thing- tiny furniture, food, cars etc. so when they wake up they think they are GIANTS!!!
grilledcheesegum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:04:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought this was one of those Are You a Psychopath riddle questions.
Joodz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:04:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My friend and I were drunk one night, we were on a vacation with a few of our other mates and their girlfriends. So we decided, while everyone was sleeping, to clean the entire house and then place plastic cups full of water covering the floor in the kitchen. We had the cups color coordinated to spell out "MAD?" We had minimal sleep and even less sleep since everyone woke up and started yelling at us.
randomascanbe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:04:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Got here late, steal 1 sock from every pair in the house..
thecars1979 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:04:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wasnt this a Dane Cook joke?
By the way, employee of the month is an underrated comedy!
thecars1979 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:04:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Coming from a huge Louis CK fan
TheBananaKing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:04:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Release three rats, labeled "1", "2", and "4".
senseofwondr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:04:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would move all the furniture in the house by a couple inches and watch them stub their toes constantly.
Toastwaver ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:04:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stuff pieces of shrimp into curtain rods. Months of stink that cannot be identified.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:04:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Small speaker boxes that between 12-4am randomly play childish whisper sounds and laughing.
ChiraqBluline ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:04:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide small everyday thing, like the toothbrush or the paste cap, move the toaster, change the drawers around, take the batteries out of the remote...
pm_me_ur_pizzas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:04:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unplug their wifi router
Quantum_Rum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:04:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Clean their house make it spotless. Vacuum, do the dishes, dusting, but write "gotcha" on their wall in my blood.
maniaxuk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:04:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove all the fuses from the plugs
Mandylea83 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:05:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Trade out all of their clothes so they think they are losing weight, gaining weight, or shrinking.
26326312 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:05:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace ever plug socket in their house with ones from another country (e.g. replace US ones with British), do a different room every week in no particular order.
xyxyxyxyxyxyxyxyxyxy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:05:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put small Donald Trump stickers about the house in inconspicuous places.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:05:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably do nothing. Then they can spend all their lives wondering "what the fuck did they take"
I'd imagine them running out of batteries on something and thinking "that must've been it" as they slowly go insane with paranoia. Either that, or I'd break in and leave something like a lava lamp or something
4_8_15_16-23-42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:05:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Install speakers in obscure locations that only activate at specific times if they sense no motion. The sounds could be little girls laughing, coughing, gun cocking sounds, that tunnel speech from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, cries of the carrots from the Tool album, Hitler speeches, dogs barking etc. Duration and intensity would be adjusted to prevent discovery.
LLCoolDave5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:05:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Face swap with every photo in the house, print out the new pictures, and replace original photos
YourDeath95 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:05:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put things upside down and glue them into place.
JC_tiggr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:05:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the locks, turn all the clocks back, and reprogram the TV remotes.
LightHouseMaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:05:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This. I would do this
https://xkcd.com/666/
toleran ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:05:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I actually knew a rather sketchy guy who claimed he'd raided a few houses for food. He said he'd just walk in, make a sandwich and leave. Can't confirm, but knowing the guy, I believe it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:05:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn their little penguin figurine away from due north.
DinaDinaDinaBatman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:05:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i break in and move furniture several inches closer to walking path areas.....
I AM................
.
.
The Toe Breaker Bandit!
ANormalSpudBoy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:06:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Use ingredients in their kitchen to make various cake and cookie batters but don't bake any of them. Leave them sitting out too long so even if they tried to bake them they wouldn't be too great.
yParticle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:06:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Red food coloring in the toilet tank. Worse: shower head.
kru4me ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:06:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break in and out super glue on people's lips while they are asleep
geofurb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:06:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break in while everyone's at work, remake the beds with the tags by the head of the bed instead of the foot.
meggieryugu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:06:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into their house and instead of taking things leave your own things there.
Or hide alarm clocks around their house that all go off at different times in the night.
clementyne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:06:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange their furniture.
Bloobo88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:06:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal all their toilet paper. Replace it with wrapping paper
Dionysiaque ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:06:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch everyones shoes to the same model, only one size smaller.
Koopk1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:06:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
put a beer can in the microwave
whoaaa_itsthatguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:06:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would flip everything and anything upside down
logicallycorrect ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:06:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Start acquiring roadkill, all sizes and species. Find a house with a small dog and a doggy door. Start leaving the roadkill on top of the dogs bowl every night. Utilize bits of real meat soaked in red food coloring so dogs muzzle looks the part and a convincing blood trail from the doggy door.
Pro tip: Start small (squirrels, rabbits) and slowly get to bigger cats and eventually a deer or something. Final night you will use a fake human arm from a Halloween costume. By that time owners will be so convinced of their dogs bloodlust they will immediately assume their dog has moved onto humans (this may be the time to tell them "it was just a prank, bro").
shyhalu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:06:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd just start living in the house, nothing more annoying than a squatter.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:06:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move some random things 1cm to the right/twist them a little everyday. May lead to some confusion or stubbed toes.
Either that or break their toilet/have it overflow.
GoldMath ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:06:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break every sitting stuff, bed, chair, sofa,.... Force the people to stay on foot without rest, pure evil.
Gingerchaun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:06:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put up pictures of my family
Liquorace ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:07:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do their laundry.
Radicaljack8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:07:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap the sock and underwear drawers in every room
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:07:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is gonna get buried but assuming I had a lot of time... I'd take apart their WiFi router and put tin foil on the inside so they'd never get good WiFi again. Then they'd have to call customer service and we all know how annoying it is to do that
baCHorales ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:07:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If I don't want to commit any crimes, I'll just throw some bics into their yard from a tree nearby.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:07:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cut all wires to there entertainment area
vertigo90 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:07:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do their taxes. Next year the IRS will audit the shit out of him.
Anyone got any more Ritalin?
chaosmuffinking ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:07:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break the Comcast wiring, then they won't have internet for the next 6 months, MUHAHAHAHAHAHA
muse_me1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:07:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go to the refrigerator door and switch it so that it opens from the opposite side.
TheCosmicEntity ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:07:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
All we did to a friend was move her pillows to where her feet would be blew her mind when she came home.
BaunerMcPounder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:07:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would take the batteries out of everything. Land line, tv remotes, uh whatever else needed batteries. Then I would put them all in a bag and throw in a bunch of dead batteries.
pleasegivemefood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:07:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
All of these would be fucking terrifying from the victims point of view
osvii ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:07:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change their Wi-Fi password!
Cyborg_Nate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:07:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Have you ever seen the movie Amelie? There's a part of the movie (I can't find a clip of it so if someone else can, I would really appreciate it) where Amelie breaks into a guys house and starts messing with all his stuff. For example, she replaces his slippers with an identical pair a size or two smaller; she takes the doorknob off his bathroom door and puts it on so the inside handle is outside and vice versa; she replaces all the bulbs in his house with ones that buzz; she sets his alarm 2 or so hours early; and there's a whole bunch of other stuff too. It's quite devious.
grc207 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:08:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Drop buckets of crickets in their house vents.
GoldenOlive ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:08:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Exchange the locations of items in the house.
One day go in ans switch between the couch in front of the TV and the dinning table.
Another day switch between the TV and the oven.
Another time go in and switch between ~the Smith's~ their family photo and the mother's dildo.
And to end it all leave a message after you're done fucking with them that you liked it better how you organized it.
Tuckanuckle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:08:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into someone's house and just move everything about, swap photos and paintings around, swap knives and forks in the cutlery draw, move people's stuff into others rooms, and install cameras and watch them be confused as fuck!
Fudgaj ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:08:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move some food around the fridge, move their clothes, move everything, than I start living in their attic and act like a ghost.
DingJones ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:08:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mom's house got broken into a couple years ago. Nothing was stolen. They just smashed holes in the walls and threw a chair down the basement stairs. The fucked up thing was that they smashed every tv remote and every cordless phone in the house. My poor mother was very disturbed by that.
I3------D ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:08:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing too crazy. Just this.
redtoasti ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:08:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide their keys
chefnigel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:08:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Slightly tilt all their pictures on the walls so they have to straighten them all
lroth15 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:08:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put their ketchup in the place where their shampoo is, and shampoo in pantry.
Gender_Studies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:08:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I turn around all the toilet paper rolls.
Nightslash360 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:08:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all faces in all photos with nick cage faces and hide nick cage faces everywhere
leodensian1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:08:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Every night saw 0.5cm off every one of their chair legs. Then when every sir on them they'll think they've started growing again.
AgentJin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:08:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mess up their tv and channel service so that the lips are de-synced from their voices. Once they get used to it, I'll break in again and fix it, and then they have to get used to that.
I'd also create copies of files on their computers, and the copy being a picture of a fedora. They don't know which is the fedora and which is the actual document.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:09:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tilt all pictures slightly to the left. Change toilet paper from over hang to under. Empty the ice trays then put them back. Let loose a box of crickets. Take a single bite out of all their cheese and lastly, replace every dvd in house with Pauly Shore movies.
spiralnotebook ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:09:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Clog all the sinks and flood the house
smokemarajuana ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:09:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jizz in their hair.
0ark0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:09:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Milk my Eel in their turtle stew.
MisterDonkey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:09:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip everything upside down.
IVIaskerade ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:09:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take their loaf of sliced bread, toast each slice, and put it all back in order.
minilopnz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:09:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put PB&J inside their shoes. But only on one of each pair and never close to the heel, so they don't know until it's too late.
RockAndRollFingerPie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:09:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Two words:
Upper Tanker.
only_sometimes_haiku ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:09:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal things (but as a means to the end of confusion or annoyance, not for the purpose of acquiring wealth).
Or maybe cut, patch and repaint the drywall to rearrange the positions of light switches by just a little bit...
753UDKM ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:09:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal their toilet paper. God knows I need it anyways.
reapersandhawks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:09:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd put all their DVDs or CDs, assuming they own any, into the wrong boxes in random orders. Here's hoping people still own physical copies because cloud storage and Spotify and Netflix could really put me into retirement
bundleogrundle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:09:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Round up all the shoes in the house then take all the left foot shoes and hide them in a good spot. The family will have to buy all new shoes with one shoe on and then will eventually find the left shoes.
john_doe297 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:09:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move their furniture two inches to the right
Scylinz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:09:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Given enough time, move all of their belongings over about 2 inches in any given direction. Also add an inch or remove an inch from each of their stairs randomly.
They won't notice a thing but they'll suddenly be a lot more clumsy
zaphodava ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:10:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch the keyboards on all devices to dvorak.
Henry2k ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:10:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
leave the toilet seat up
Strawberry_backhand ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:10:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think I'd just neatly put a cookie or two (assuming it's a good size) in their VCR/ DVD player. I mean you'd probably be pissed if you were going to put in a movie and found a fucking cookie in your player, however at the same time I'd be hard to be angry about finding a free cookie.
Or maybe I'm just thinking that because I'm poor AF...
TXheathen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:10:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all their furniture an inch to the left, every day, for a week. Then listen to their screams as they stub their toes in the night
Zamoram ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:10:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Easy, every night I would turn off their alarms and put one at 3am so they wake up earlier.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:10:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dump out all of their KY Jelly and replace it with Krazy Glue.
TrumpTrainChooChoooo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:10:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove the batteries out of remotes.
Scrumdidilyumptious ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:10:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take their car keys. Reverse the direction of their car outside whilst they sleep. Replace keys.
TEENRAPTOR ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:10:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Before charles manson killed people, him and his gang would break into homes and (in complete silence) re-arrange people's entire furniture set-up. he did it frequently without waking people up and scared the shit out of a lot of angelinos
mistagiga ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:10:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, I'd just hide their keys. Nothing worse than trying to find them on a time constraint.
zavila212 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:10:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn literally everything upside down.
CptNonsense ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:10:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Saw a video of this but can't find it again. Take a picture of their family photos, use Snapchat face morphs to make them look weird, print off, tape over their faces in the photos
haykam821 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:11:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rip out all the pages in all of the books in that house, then put them literally ALL OVER the floor.
sonofliendoog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:11:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Step 1: Unplug every chord from the wall and hide chargers for phones, laptops, tablets, and other portable electronics. Probably hide each one in a different room. Put some in cups, some in socks, some in towels.
Step 2: Change all the drawers in the kitchen contents around, repeat in bedrooms.
Step 3: Gorilla glue some doors shut and put maple syrup on door handles. Probably glue every door shut but the ones that lead to the electrical control. Also fill the keyholes on the outside of the house with super glue.
Step 4: Remove all light bulbs and place them somewhere weird, like the toilet bowl.
Step 5: Find a hair dryer and fill it with flour. (I think this is called "antiquing." Saw this on YouTube, just amazing outcome.)
Step 6: Switch around furniture contents of every room. Or put all the furniture in one room.
Step 7: Reprogram the garage so it will not open with their openers or their code (if the home has a garage).
Step 8: Shut off all the water.
Step 9: Find circuit breaker and shut down the power.
I could go on and on. . .
Jcat11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:11:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would empty the ice cube tray every day and leave one cube behind.
DaMuffinPirate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:11:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shift all the furniture by a bit and place some stuff on the stairs to make the irregular.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:11:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide their toiletpaper
dsblue55 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:11:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take out all the discs from their bluray and dvd collection and then put them back in random covers.
igottashare ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:11:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I take nice shirts out of the closets and drawers and hide them under the couch. I move scissors from the drawer and put them in the refrigerator behind the frozen peas.
rnflhastheworstmods ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:11:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all your remotes.
Make your fans spin the opposite way.
Cut the tube in your fridge so you have to drink tap water.
MAADcitykid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:11:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Repost this thread again
Tazavoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:11:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would place post-it notes written in the landlords handwriting around the house stating things such as "Remember to save the documents".
mentalscrew ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:12:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the silverware drawer with the junk drawer.
Eggfire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:12:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
turn off their phones and hide them somewhere.
devlifedotnet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:12:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
clingfilm their toilets and replace shampoo and conditioners with hair removal creams.
zeroUSA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:12:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If they are a younger couple with no children, place items around the home for them to find that will lead one into thinking the other is hinting at wanting to have a baby. Place an empty classic style bottle in the medicine cabinet. Search for diapers, cribs, toys, etc on Amazon so their suggestions change. Place the book "what to expect when you are expecting" next to a chair. Ship maternity clothing to the home. Buy prenatal vitamins and place them in the kitchen. It's the little things that will go far.
scottcitizen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:12:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip all their toilet paper rolls to underhand
Hunter_42msu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:12:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find something they consume or use daily, such as one handful of peanuts or one can of Coke they eat/drink daily. Then just replace it each day with the same amount. Their supply will never go out if they keep the same routine. My grandpa would do this to people at his work frequently.
Sierra750 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:12:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This whole thread looks eerily similar to an instruction manual for the East German Stasi and parts of their operational psychology to mentally break people they saw as threats. This kind of stuff has been done for real, folks!
pujolsrox11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:12:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Throw Glitter and Confetti all over their houses, I mean EVERYWHERE. Obvious places like rugs , carpet, etc. But hidden places as well, such as shaving cream, shampoo, etc.
tranter1718 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:12:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of an old Steven Wright joke:
I woke up one morning and looked around the room. Something wasn't right. I realized that someone had broken in the night before and replaced everything in my apartment with an exact replica. I couldn't believe it...I got my roommate and showed him. I said, "Look at this--everything's been replaced with an exact replica!"
wch222 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:12:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well Iran when your right your right
DMCMCD007 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:12:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would move and swap all the appliances to odd rooms in the house, so that each machine is not plugged in where it normally would be...
Eg: put the microwave on the floor of the laundry plugged in to where the washing machine normally is; Placing the washing machine in the kitchen where there is usually space for the fridge; And why not set up the fridge on the entertainment stand instead of the T.V and have the blender, kettle and toaster all arranged in the space intended for game consoles and DVD players.
That would be confusing, annoying as fuck... And then kinda funny
One-one-eight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:12:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tape a metal knife to the inside of the microwave roof. So long as the microwave isn't head height they hopefully won't know it's there until their kitchen is on fire.
bluetiger0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:12:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave a note on the refrigerator that says: โI tripped over the panties you left on the kitchen floor and hit my head on the cabinet next to the sink and broke the China dish that was sitting there. The pieces are in the plastic bag next to the sink. I also put the panties in a plastic bag in case, you wanted to smell them again. Sorry for the blood stain on the cabinet. I would sue, but then being a burglar your home-owners insurance would probably deny the claim. By the way, your cream cheese has green stuff growing on it; I think you should throw it out. Your Pit-Bull dog is sweet and likes the softer treats. I think he has a bad tooth. Sorry again for the plate. The panties were well worth the bump on the head."
JesC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:12:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There is a fantastic scene in the French movie called Amelie from Montmartre in which she takes revenge on bad people by sneaking in their homes and doing all sorts of annoying things with their things... E.g. Switching foot cream with toothpaste, pinning an electric cable with a metallic pin that would cause a short circuit when lights are turned on, unscrewing the door handles so they would fall off when used... A great movie!
Wissam4004 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:13:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Every night I would steal one piece of kitchenware (plates, cutlery etc.). Until they have nothing left and are forced to buy more. Then I would slowly give the kitchenware back, until their cupboards are full and they commit suicide.
muteterror ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:13:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I place random keys that don't actually have anything to do with any lock in the house on the table, or in drawers or whatever.
ud_patter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:13:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You'll have to watch your mark for a while, find a few days when they'll be away on holiday, then get your gang in & redecorate the place. Help yourself to some of their tea & biscuits, but its important that nothing goes missing & the furniture's back in the same place.
(borrowed from PTerry)
meekamunz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:13:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place very strong glue on the top of the doormat, gluing their shoes to it when they get home, then steal one of every shoe from all the pairs. Then when they inevitably have to go out for more shoes, they have to go out with an odd pair
abbynormal211 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:13:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange the fridge
marsketch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:13:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take their phone, put it in the air vent, continually call it, and watch them punch the wall in when they can't find it.
Source: the Office
Twacoman151 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:13:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all your family photos with Skeletor.
icecreamelephant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:13:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I place everything facing the opposite direction. Flip all their silverware the other way (head to toe flipped toe to head), turn their tv remots around, their pictures around, turn their dishes and cups over, everything I can think of
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:13:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Slightly move furniture enough so they notice it, but not enough that they can be 100% sure if it actually moved or not.
-kindakrazy- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:13:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move every piece of furniture about an inch or two from its origional position during the night. Let the madness begin.
capnbishop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:13:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove one of every type of sock from the clothes drier.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:13:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I put dead batteries in all their electronics. Watching them blame each other till they get a divorce. Doing it over and over again. I think Dane cook did a joke about it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:13:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
unplug every currently unused electronic device so that they will always wonder why it doesn't work.
Xterminator5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:14:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Two things I can think.
First one is to take all their eggs, carefully crack them open and empty all the contents somewhere they won't find it. Then like glue the shells back together and out them all back. Or better yet put something else inside like a little note, or some syrup or whip cream or something. That would confuse me forever.
Second one isn't as noticeable, but for people who pay attention to detail it would drive them nuts. Just move random stuff over, or forward/backward a few inches. Like the coffee table, or couch or pictures, etc. Just enough so it isn't super obvious but so that it annoys them and they can't figure out why
halberd6 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:14:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I took the opportunity to go through an open window in my friend's house once. I stole all the light bulbs, every single one, even the spares.
Redbeardeddevil ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:14:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into their phones and computers. Rearrange the contact names, numbers, and email addresses. Then go to Missed Connections on Craigslist, and reply to the creepiest posts.
pkpzp228 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:14:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I use the family camera to take a photo of one of their toothbrushes up my butt.
Barderino ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:14:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Empty out their shampoo containers and toothpaste tubes. Put all of their toiletpaper back into the plastic "Charmin" bag on a weekly basis. Empty out a drawer in their kitchen and put it all in the drawer beneath it. Take every left shoe in the house and put them in the sink.
StickyBellyFlapCock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:14:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This actually happened during a dispute between neighbours that I'm aware of. One neighbour was accused of stealing the other neighbour's drill. The other neighbour then entered the porch of their home and stole a front door key. For months afterwards, they let themselves into the home when their neighbours were out and proceeded to carry out small tasks to fuck with their neighbour's head. Very subtle stuff, like rearranging the cutlery drawer so that the knives were where the forks should be. And they stole one shoe. Imagine how mad you must be so if you lose a a shoe in your own home and cannot find it?
I believe that they were caught eventually, however for reasons that I don't understand, they weren't charged with burglary.
QuitsApollo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:14:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove all the lightbulbs in the house. Including the one in the fridge.
vulgarandmischevious ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:14:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The post-it note with the passwords.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:14:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
What Amรฉlie did to Collignon, the nasty greengrocer https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqGkbjs_h-w
Cherpyderp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:14:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unscrew every light bulb in their house so they think they're having some sort of electrical crisis.
EZTeenGirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:14:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange all their yard furniture
SimpleinSeattle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:14:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pee in the shampoo bottles.
itsthatkidgreg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:15:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd slowly start taking things that are super useful but rarely used. Tools from the garage, the Super huge pot everyone's mom has that just sits around, the impractically large knife in the kitchen. And just leave little notes saying, "this was dangerous, so I removed it. You're welcome"
FuckGodintheasshole ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:15:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Impregnate their hot wife
iwouldliketosayhey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:15:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide coins from different countries around the house. First they would be happy they found loose change, then sad they couldn't use it immediately. ๐
ravice41 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:15:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Their taxes
PhoenixMask ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:15:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pee in the toilet tank so when they flush more pee comes out.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:15:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So I used to do this actually. When I was in college, and usually when drunk, I would test all of the handles on parked cars that I walked by until I found one that was unlocked. If I found one I'd hope in and rearrange everything in the car. I never took anything, just moved enough shit around that the owner would be thoroughly confused.
ZombiAcademy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:15:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
transfer all the drinks into ither cintainers: milk in the OJ bottle, OJ in the beer, beer in the milk
Jticospwye54 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:15:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip their breaker so all their clocks flash 12:00
1h8fulkat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:15:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide their keys
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:15:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Actually had a conversation about this the one night at work. Just go into a specific room and only take their lamp shades and do it weekly.
OJtuna ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:15:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change out their dresser drawers in a different arrangement. Same with the kitchen cabinets, silverware too. Rename all their computer files (documents are now Pictures). Uninstall their preferred browser and set IE as default. Rearrange their living and the set up wouldn't make sense at all. Or make the living room the dining room and vise versa. Hide their shoes throughout the whole house.
GenghisGaz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:15:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change all the furniture around, or even buy a better tv. Change the kitchen set up, put all pots, pans, plates, cutlery in different draws, paint all the ceilings black. Slightly tint all windows so it looks dull out
No_559 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:15:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If it's a single man's house put all toilet seats down. Single female, all toilet seats up... Married couples- unhinge the toilet seat
Azzizzi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:15:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide "interesting" porn in easy-to-find places.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:15:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I take their things, and hide them in barrels. They think their things are stolen, but they are not. They are in the barrels.
LSUMykul ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:15:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in college our neighbors and my roommates had a rival going on house pranks, so essentially doing these exact acts. One of the best ones was that our house got hammered one night and woke up to our entire living room placed on the driveway in the exact manner it was in the living room. Rug and lamps, couches, etc.
We then snuck into their house while they were all gone and removed all of the light bulbs to any lighting fixture in the entire house when they were all at a bar one night. When they returned home, the couldn't see a thing.
Good times.
CapnBald ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:15:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip random objects upside down. I did this in college whenever I was left alone for more than a second, it's (mostly) harmless and I always took credit for it anyway. Then I made the mistake of flipping somebody's flag... Her roommate, nicest person in the world, tore me a new one for that
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:15:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rewire the light switches so they work the opposite way, and if there are multiple switches on one panel change which switch does what. Continue to do so every 1-30days following the last change.
boyferret ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:15:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal the baby Jesus from their manger at Christmas. Bring him back Easter Sunday.
janibravo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:16:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Disrupt the entire place to make it seem like something was stolen. Then watch the tenants lose their mind trying to figure out what's missing.
JesseBrown447 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:16:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I open all canned goods, and put the children's toys in there. Now everyone is unhappy. :)
OnePieceTwoPiece ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:16:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make sure all the toilet paper is off the roll(s) and then leave a kitten in the house.
Enigizerdemon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:16:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unprogram all the tv/cable remotes
jlumsmith ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:16:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ask Dane Cook
littlemorse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:16:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take their TV remote then sit outside and change the channel from whatever they're watching.
C19damon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:16:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move things around in the victims house
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:16:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's a German film called The Edukators (Die fetten Jahre sind vorbei in Germany) where three people break in to rich people's houses and re-arrange their furniture. I'd do that. It would mess with people's heads loads.
Azara1th ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:16:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Glue their rolls of toilet paper so it only comes off in chunks, including the rolls in cabinets, etc.
ThePretzelWhoGames ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:16:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange the contents of their kitchen cabinets.
tobiderfisch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:16:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange their furniture.
Only do very subtle things. Dig out and replace their house plants with similar but noticeable different plants, slightly move their TV and other furniture a couple centimeters. Never change something so much they would notice in one night but increasingly do it over several nights/weeks.
larsole ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:16:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find a camera. Take a single picture of all their tooth brushes sticking out of your butt. Put everything back in its place.
PaddedFox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:16:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I will hide every left shoe in hard to find places. Attic, crawlspace, back of the closet.
Iokuas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:17:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I take all of the contents of their pantry and fridge and swap their packaging. Everything remains where it should, as I'm being inconvenient and not trying to ruin their food, they'll simply have to figure out what is in what box or container.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:17:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break in once a night, replace the reddit bookmarks on all their PCs with 9Gag bookmarks.
elmarc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:17:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap the Hot and Cold water lines under the bathroom sink.
catz342 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:17:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into someone's house and turn the toilet paper so that when you grab it it comes out under the roll, (or vice versa depending on how you found it.)
serosis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:17:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
De-program the universal remote at any random night of my choosing. Repeatedly.
Add things to their junk drawer.
They now have five cats and two dogs.
Leave a totaled car in their driveway.
Bond their front door shut with two part resin.
Also their windows as well.
Dr_What ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:17:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait till it's winter time. Then go through the house and turn on all their faucets, showers and hoses. Not only will their water bill be outrageous, if it gets cold enough everything will freeze!
pauldeedon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:17:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh damn I used to actually do this to my parents on April fools day. Change the clocks, switch random pieces of furniture, ie recliner at the dinner table, swap the big tv and little one, stuff like that.
DigiDukeMaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:17:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Throw a pen at them, then, laugh, scream and run like a toddler.
zohanwizard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:17:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Finally something i can comment on. My neighbor, growing up in central oklahoma, was kinda my mentor. Tell me stories, fishing, archery, whatnot. Well one day he told me that when he was a teenager, he would break into houses and take remote controls, then once all the remotes were gone in town, he went around taking left shoes.
sodasoldat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:17:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap the silverware in the silverware drawer (put the forks where the spoons are etc). It's a small detail, but would be a complete mind fuck.
ItsZachTime ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:17:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place a vibration motor somewhere in the house that fires every few minutes. It will drive them up the wall every time it fires.
mightneverpost ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:17:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I actually do this all the time. I look for key rings in people's coat pockets and move them under piles of junk mail. I go in people's laundry and throw single socks into the garbage. I go behind people's TVs or PCs and tangle up their cords. You know, standard stuff.
ffggaaadgh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:17:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Exchange couch out for a better one
onlyhereforalittlebt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:17:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd urinate in their litter box. "Where did this huge clump come from?"
Highvoltage02 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:17:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I put a mannequin in my friends bathroom and it has been bugging him for months to figure out who put it there, he has it dresses up holding a towel now
Krono5_8666V8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:18:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
close all the doors
wheresthemilkdad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:18:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put a well seasoned raw chicken and potatoes with olive oil and rosemary in their ovens......then set that bitch to self-clean.
justarandomlass ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:18:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would place candles in every room.
-kindakrazy- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:18:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Set all of the alarm clocks in the house to alarm a few minutes apart during the early morning hours. As soon as they lay back down, another one begins...
kernunnos77 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:18:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If they keep cash in-house, or use HRC-level security for their online banking, I'd occasionally (2-3 times per year, tops) use their own money to pay one of their utility bills the day it arrives in the mail.
For 2-5 days they'd wonder "Hey why hasn't the bill arrived yet?" then upon inquiring with the utility company, find that they'd already paid it.
Sixshadows6 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:18:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal all their toilet paper reserves and make sure there's very little paper on the rolls that are in each bathroom
amlecciones ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:18:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide all their spoons.
aintTrollingYou ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:18:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In the book Infinite Jest there's a career thief who as revenge on a prosecutor, breaks into his home, stacks all their valuables in the front room and leaves. The investigation shows nothing missing, but a month later the thief mails the prosector photos of his and his wife's toothbrushes up his ass.
Skrie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:18:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Changed all the light switches in their house so they're reversed
jveezy504 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:18:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reverse all of the batteries in their electronics!
foxyfoxyfoxyfoxyfox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:18:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch their keyboard layout from Qwerty to azerty. They are almost the same except for a few key differences which will drive them insane. Most notably ctrl-z becomes ctrl-q, exiting the application instead of undoing.
yungsnacklord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:18:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make connecting pieces of concrete a few millimeters higher than each other so people trip for seemingly no reason at all
InfoNazi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:18:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place a note saying "I robbed your house". Then watch them panic to find out what it was even though I didn't take anything.
Marethryu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:18:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would open every perfume bottle in their house,pour out the perfume oil,and replace it with fish sauce.
Aross88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:18:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would replace all of there photos with ones i stole from other houses and change the numbers around on the front of the house, then i would reorganize all the furniture and unscrew all the lightbulbs.
Davos10 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:18:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change all clocks one hour.
FutureWaves ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:18:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You could always do what this guy did during the 90's in my hometown.
Edit-The whole town was sketched out.
CheekyFrenchman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:18:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would switch all of the drawers in the house. For example, I would put the silver ware drawer in the spatula drawer. Not enough to worry about, but enough to make them question.
materics ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:19:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nail all the chairs to the floor
PlacentaStew ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:19:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go into their houses and put things in barrels.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:19:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything by five inches.
Running2Eternity ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:19:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave something laying around to make my previous presence known, and then just leave. Like just set a Big Mac meal on the middle of the dinner table. From that day on they will always be like "what the fuck is missing!?"
Phalty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:19:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take everything in there house that can be, and turn it all upside down
sambro36 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:19:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sprinkle powered milk on all of the mattresses underneath the bed sheets. When they sweat during the night it will all soak into the mattress and go off. The only way to get rid off the smell is to ditch the mattress.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:19:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So basically the way pranks are going? I'd just bring a cameraman into their front room at early hours of the morning and record a slammin' intro to a crazy prank. That should confuse AND annoy.
insidethesun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:19:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Charles Manson and Gang used to do this, called it Creepy Crawly or something similar. They would rearrange people's furniture in their houses just to fuck with them.
This was before any murders or serious crimes.
Asks_Politely ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:19:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all of their toilet paper rolls the other way around on the holder.
agangofoldwomen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:19:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
put wash cloths in all of their sinks to clog up the drains, turn all the sinks on, and leave - my accomplice and I call ourselves "the wet bandits"
deCryptson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:19:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I walk in, say I'm Rick James bitch! Then sit my ass down with a beer and watch the following reactions
lifeleecher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:19:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Keep coming back every 2 - 3 days to steal all of the batteries in xbox controllers, remotes, Hell; even go all out and replace them in dollar store personal fans and fucking vibrators. Sometimes swap them with dead batteries.
Sit back and watch the family tear each other apart. Pure evil genius.
karsh36 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:20:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would put bieber memorabilia around the house, like in the closest and drawers
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:20:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove their soaps and shampoos But leave the conditioner
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:20:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
BE and E . Break , enter and exit, i will enter the victims home, open every lock/ drawer and leave, they will forever be paranoid at what got stolen
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:20:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Install one of those goat towers in their backyard and a speaker inside that periodically bleats.
Tucksthebae ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:20:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would steal half of their socks. Just enough to where they have no remaining matching pairs. I would also give everything framed in the house a slight, dignified tilt.
RStewey2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:20:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place those pull string popper alarms wherever I can: Doors, cabinets, drawers, etc. Nothing is safe.
My dad used to drive truck and would get up early in AM to go. I've done this to him a couple of times and it is definitely effective.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:20:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all ornaments and possessions a few inches either left or right.
Used to do this to my mother, and her shitfits were hilarious.
51_cent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:20:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put screws in their doorframes right at the lock so it can't slide into the doorframe.
Sprootspores ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:20:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the plate cabinet and the cup cabinet and switch them.
Li0nhead ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:20:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do a burglary on 2 separate houses. Put everything from each house in as close to the positions in the other house as you can
BlupHox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:20:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Set their alarm every night at 3 AM
Gibbothemediocre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:21:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all their photos & desktop & mobile backgrounds with pictures of the chuckle brothers & hide 4 or 5 speakers saying "to me, to you" out of sync throughout the house.
Chance4e ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:21:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I program their DVR to record nothing but Arrow Season 4.
CatzPwn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:21:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A family member actually once told me about a prank they did to their very drunk friend during college that could be applicable here. Basically they turned everything that wasnt nailed down in that persons room upside down. Even the decorations in the guys fish tank. So for months the guy was finding stuff that had been flipped and then getting annoyed by it.
TheAmazingSpiderGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:21:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide beneath their beds and pull their blanket down at night. When the reach down to grab it, give them a marshmallow.
TwistedExisted ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:21:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange the house. Ha that'll show them.
zakmr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:21:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the cases off of their smartphones and hide them. For no reason.
KSMKxRAGEx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:21:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place legos on every entry door way, they won't expect it twice.
Hypermeme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:22:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put tiny mittens on all of their cooking and eating utensils.
Ammieboterhammy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:22:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If they are making a huge puzzle, hide one piece where they will never find it.
SpxUmadBroYolo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:22:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn their toilet paper rolls the wrong way.
Agent0024 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:22:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would shit everywhere.
boons_24 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:22:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip the toilet paper rolls the wrong way.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:22:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Paint the ir bulbs on all of their controllers black. Watch them wondering why the controllers don't work.
Norwegian_whale ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:22:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the furniture by 0,5 cm so they constantly bump their toes.
SantaAnaXY ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:22:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would steal just one shoe from several different pairs.
treemister1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:22:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Photoshop images of the same elderly woman or man in the far backgrounds of all their photos
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:23:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put sand into all of their pockets and shoes, every single night.
anothercarguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:23:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If IRL you haven't snuck into your neighbors house to remove the batteries from the remote and hide the keys in the 2nd drawer, you haven't lived
lombar77 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:23:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch around all the HDMI cables going into their TV.
K-452b ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:23:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Print out pictures of miranda cosgrove and replace all their pictures in their photo albums with them.
Facelessreddit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:23:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange their silverware drawer... Pure confounding evil!
Choodtu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:23:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the batteries out of things and rewire light switches so they turn different things on/off
Kwisatz--Haderach ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:23:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal one sock from each pair.
RealbasicFriends ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:23:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would lower all their chairs in the house by an inch so that way when they go to sit down they will fall into them
guthepenguin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:23:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shift the furniture by two inches.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:23:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal the one ring and use it to escape.
anusflute ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:23:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move their furniture slightly every night so when the get up they always stub their toe.
sstauby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:23:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place a photo of a random person from that town with all of their family photos. Eventually they will see the person and try to figure out how they know them and it will drive them crazy.
llama052 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:23:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move things on their desk ever so slightly every day, after a year have the entire desk completely inverted.
ilagitamus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:24:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put raw shrimp in their curtain rods
davidthevickingking ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:24:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Moving their car keys into a bowl of water in the freezer, or just any valuable looking keys
TaurineLine719 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:24:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Theres a tradition kind of like this in Germany where kids will go out around town and move people's stuff. Like if someone leaves their chairs out they very well might end up on the roof.
789yugemos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:24:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
go in and change the lock on the front door every month for a year.
hitlershomie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:24:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How did you figure me out?
Leoofmoon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:24:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go to burger king, buy twenty burgers. Break into someones house/apartment and place burgers randomly throughout the place.
badwu1f ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:24:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Most, if not all, my victims will be blind...
I shall rearrange all their furniture while they're asleep and confuse the shit out of them when they bump in to everything.
Still fun with people still capable of seeing though. Such a burden to move everything back...
ohgodurback ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:24:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide the remote in random locations. Unplug all of their lamps. Brew fresh coffee.
radix4801 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:24:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all the TP rolls around backwards, let the occupants fight about it until the whole family dies in a mass murder-suicide, then buy all their belongings on the cheap at the estate sale. It's all about the long game.
theStingraY ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:24:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's called gang stalking. I do it and make a good bit of coin doing it!
AAAAAAAAAAAAA13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:24:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place post-it notes in their fridge with a hangman.
ArcticArmor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:24:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I break into peoples houses and kick down all of their doors and every time they get new ones I kick them down again and if they resort to something like those bead curtain things I go and tear them all down
Bvred ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:24:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
hide the keys in places like the fridge or cabinets
canadian-explorer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:25:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's a Dane Cook joke in here somewhere.
aharrywookie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:25:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change their T.V. provider to Comcast.
RNauss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:25:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pour the milk into the bowl before the cereal
Phallusmaximus252 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:25:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find somewhere to hide, wait until nightfall and start to move their belongings around. I would start with small things like keys and pictures, then I would start moving TVs, gaming systems, and maybe their car.
Rabiesalad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:25:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Vanillade ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:25:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pour motor oil on all the furniture and floors and light up candles all over the house
MBCnerdcore ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:25:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I get onto their computer, and rearrange the names on every icon on the desktop. So World of Warcraft now has the WoW logo but says 'Excel', and the Excel logo now says 'Google Chrome', etc.
cancron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:25:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all the light bulbs in the home with slightly lower wattage ones
Breinholtz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:25:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not a burglar but my house once got broken into. They didnt steal much. They stole my phone, some cheap jewerly and for some reason, a box of toffifee. Our neighbour also got broken into by the same guy/guys the same day so when my dad was talking to her she asked us if we got robbed of a toffifee box. Apperently the theif had broken into our house, stole the toffifee box, ate a couple of pieces, broken into our neighbours house, and left the box there. As a kid, this made the whole process of being broken into alot easier, cause i always imagined the burglars looking like Jasper and Horace from 101 dalmatians, just two idiots that broke into my house to steal some candy.
phackupayme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:25:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
break in and rearrange their furniture.
BigMike0228 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:25:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move as many things in the house as y I u can, 1 inch to the left
Golden_Tunnel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:26:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Water their plants.
lambchopdestroyer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:26:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I would remove all of the contents of their fridge and put them in the freezer. I would also take all the clothing I could find and neatly place inside the fridge. They would wake up the next morning and think that they've got Alzheimers.
Edit: You could also locate their mail and pay all of their bills for them.
Dreeseaw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:26:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take their tv remote
heyzues68 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:26:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal all the pants in the house in the winter. Then, the following summer steal all of their shorts.
midnight_toad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:26:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put the remotes in the freezer. Leave a puppy. Life size cut out of Nic Cage in the shower.
cjr7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:26:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Easy. Clog sinks and turn on the water. Call ourselves the Wet Bandits.
Computercomponents ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:26:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd open every laptop / PC they owned and break a single transistor on the board so they don't work. This happened accidentally to my friend and he was so frustrated because the "geniuses" at the apple store tried to charge him ยฃ700 for a new board, talk about a waste of hardware.
onzie9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:26:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Someone broke into my car one time and stole the stereo. They also stole my registration. Clearly the registration was just to add insult to injury.
socalA2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:26:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tell them you've stolen something when in fact you didn't. They'll never find out what's "missing"
bigshitpoppin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:26:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shit on the coats.
chambertlo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:26:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would rearrange the furniture and make scratching noises in odd places around the house.
twoLegsJimmy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:26:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn the toaster down so one time doesn't toast enough, and two times toasts too much.
Ivan_Of_Delta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:26:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Over the course of a month I would move their furniture around very slightly each day.
Acyes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:26:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fill up their curtain rails, if hollow, with shrimps or other small sea food I could fit in. Oh the smells a week after.
DonDinosaurio ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:27:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide a shrimp or any kind of seafood snywhere in the house so they don't know where the smell is coming from.
12124 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:27:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One time I went into a friends parents house and left sticky notes with weird messages all over. Years later they moved out and we're still finding notes behind pictures. Under things. In cabinets. That's what I would do.
Trenchft ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:27:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Saran wrap the toilet bowl and hide any household cleaning chemicals.
HelloYesThisIsDuck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:27:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put an office chair box in their living room, except instead of an office chair, the box contains a bobcat.
MizchiefKilz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:27:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If I was a burglar I would break in without leaving a trace via lockpicking or whatever, but only steal one item that is kind of hidden away. Like diamond earnings in the bottom of a jewelry cabinet, or an expensive power tool, etc. Might be months or years before anyone noticed it was gone and would probably think little johnny stole it for drug money or something.
The_cake-is-a-lie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:27:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch salt and sugar containers. Turn off the water heater. Put dye in shampoo bottles. Hide all the toilet paper.
Iron-Lotus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:27:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break in and do nothing. Leave them wondering for years what was taken.
Bidcar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:32:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thus stealing their peace of mind within the only place where they truly feel safe. Every time they leave the house for the rest of their lives, they wonder if everything will be ok when they return. Diabolical.
Blursme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:27:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put all the clean laundry eg; towels back into the washing basket. Then fold some dirty towels and put them in the linen cupboard.
Mageecu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:27:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch the backyard patio furniture around between two neighbors.
Buttonwalls ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:28:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lay down on the floor like an absolute madman haha.
Swordsx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:28:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Speed stack their cups. Instead of taking them down, just leave it though in a pyramid.
Cosmicbubble1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:28:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take everything from the fridge and place it into the freezer.
SneakyPope ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:28:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unplug tbeir phone chargers from their walls but leave them in place so tbey swear they plugged in their phones at night but wake up to a dead battery!
ilivehalo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:28:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
True story. I was in Jr high, 3 of my friends and I decided to break into a house. Long story short; I ran into the house and decided to steal all the condiments in the house. My one buddy who came in with me had gone up the stairs. After rounding up the ketchup, mustard, salt & pepper etc. I went to the bottom of the stairs, and called up for us to get the fuck out of there. I was to nervous, but still smugly happy with myself. I thought for sure my friends would laugh there ass off over my haul. Then my buddy came bounding down the stairs with two arms full of toilet paper. I didn't stop laughing for a good 5 minutes, long after we had made our getaway.
SpinningMadness ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:28:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shave their pets.
Elgin_McQueen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:28:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Open up everything with a battery, phones, tv remotes, toys, computer controllers, vibrators... and turn the battery round.
On everything except the random old remote you put in the drawer 4 years ago because it'll be useful if you ever use that piece of equipment again, and I'll place that item in the middle of your coffee table.
the_lasher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:29:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I move furniture so that when you lay or sit on it; your vision to the Tv, computer monitor, light from a lamp, is just out of reach. This will then force you to make the choice of getting up or giving up on what you wanted to originally do.
Technauts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:29:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would boil all their eggs and then put them back in the box, put there fridge on full power, invert the mouse on their computer and set the language on everybody's phone to Arabic.
chevcheli0s ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:29:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pretend to be the wife and sleep in her place.
Mr_alvarez_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:29:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all their toilet paper. Muahahahah
miguelson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:29:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
put food in the fridge. and dishes in the dish washer.
icecreamelephant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:29:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal all their sex toys
demodave45 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:29:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
remove all the labels from their canned goods; hard boil some, but not all, of their eggs; add a bunch of shitty shows to their netflix queue; poke holes in their condoms if the have them and add hot sauce to their lube
roddz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:30:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make every picture in thehouse slightly lop sided. Not noticable so at first glance but just enough to infuriate someone when they notice
texasrigger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:30:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn any and all toilet paper rolls the wrong way.
randarrow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:30:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the toilet paper. All of it.
its_over9000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:30:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait until they are gone and nail all the furniture to the ceiling. Use adhesive tape for tablecloths and such.
YouFromHighschool ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:30:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange everything in the fridge, any pictures/posters on the walls are rearranged as well.
hashcrypt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:30:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all phone charging cables with incompatible ones
Confusedpolymer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:30:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Slowly add a tiny slice of wood/plastic to every bit of furniture in their house. Given time, they will either think they were growing shorter or that their furniture was growing taller.
PirateNinjaa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:30:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I read about these people who came back from vacation in the winter and all the burgler did was break in and crank the thermostat to 80. Expensive.
SquirrelsGetNuts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:30:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think this would do better in r/writingprompts
DanSkaff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:30:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace everyone's chargers with replacements that use a different connector pin. Then I'd take all their adapters.
Gesnaught ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:30:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Disconnect their modem/router just enough so it turns off but looks connected and flip the switch on their breakers while they are asleep
Bingrass ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:30:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Some stuff from Amelie
watapatapitusberry ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:31:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange their furniture. Paint their kitchen and living room pistachio green. Flip all their TV upside down. Set their DVR to record every episode of The 700 Club. Shit in their tub. All sorts of crazy shit....HMB while I see if the neighbors are home..
project_valient ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:31:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip their toilet paper rolls.
rch7953 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:31:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There was a korean movie where a guy was breaking in...but then doing house chores.
Even giving some dead guy an expensive funeral.
FlameFoxx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:31:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Empty the cutlery into the microwave and set up some home alone style trap that turns the microwave on when they enter the kitchen.
dragonmasterjg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:31:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all flat screen tvs upside down.
macsenscam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:31:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I stole someone's African carved idol and then returned it a month later.
AngstChild ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:31:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Superglue an open vial of glitter on the blade of a ceiling fan.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:31:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mess up file names and music. Metadata
Porkchopb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:31:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave huge shits in there toilet
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:31:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
scrappydooooo117 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:31:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I raid the sex toys, and put them in the kid's bedrooms in their sock drawers so their parents think the kids stole them.
Then put up one hidden camera in the living room and dining room, record the confrontation and inevitable hilarious denial, throw it up on YouTube, rake in the ad revenue, and make more money than pawning TV's.
TheFawkesGuy76 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:32:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move furniture three inches off, wait a week or two then place them back. Repeat process all year.
babadimagi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:32:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Relevant /r/WritingPrompt https://redd.it/4py2yj
plamyaa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:32:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break in, mess up all of their interior decorations, pictures, etc. And then just leave. Take nothing and then let the paranoia set in :)
Orthonut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:32:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange the contents of their fridge and rearrange the dishes in their kitchen cabinets
baneofthesmurf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:32:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plug all the drains in the house and turn on every sink/shower.
Ounceofwhiskey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:32:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd turn their pillow cases and couch cushion covers inside out.
striveck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:32:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Invert every roll of hanging toilet paper in the house.
OneSpicyTesticle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:32:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
erase the save files on all your games
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:32:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You wouldn't technically be a burglar then...
airboy1021 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:33:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Scan every one of the family photos in their house, and use photoshop to replace everyone's faces with Harold, then print them out and replace the original pictures.
pcslinger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:33:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
House was robbed they look a bunch of electronics but they also grabbed my left handed golf clubs. Good luck with that you fucks.
Frost_Light ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:33:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything in the house one inch to the right. Not enough so that people notice but just enough so that the bump into things.
Then break back in the next week and to the same thing so that pieces of furniture slowly start to migrate across the room.
Also get a hot cup of coffee and place it on the kitchen table and pull the nearest chair out as if someone had just gotten up.
scientificbookworm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:33:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the furniture just a couple of centimeters so they won't detect anything different but they will bump on everything.
maaseru ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:33:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rig their electronic devices under my control. Specifically the fire alarms, alarms, TVs, Computer etc.
sUpErLiGhT_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:33:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My brother used to come over and move all of my wife's doilies and figurine stuff and not say anything. She would randomly find items out of place and shrug as she fixed them. He loved holidays by us.
Docphilsman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:33:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all the furniture in the house 10ยฐ to the left
Aufinator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:33:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move things slightly to the left, and don't lock the door back when I leave. They will get paranoid as fuck, looking for what's stolen or what has changed.
Takoto70 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:33:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap the left and right speakers or just their cords to all the speakers in their house.
drarch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:33:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Had my house broken into 4 years ago. One of the things they stole was an $80 vintage Pentax camera, but somehow missed the camera bag that had my ~$1800 Canon 5Dii and lenses in it ... I'm not sure if I was more confused at the time, or just really happy they were idiots.
SingleFin_HeadHigh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:33:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place random unique keys on peoples keychains without them knowing. This happened to my friend and we spent a couple hours with the biggest confused look on our faces. Still months later I still think WTF?
zaphodmonkey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:33:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unplug all the power cords from the wall for the phones/tablets/laptops in such a way that they don't see they're unplugged.
ThatguyMalone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:33:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take pictures of the views of their windows and attach them to the inside of the windows. That way it looks like nothing is wrong but eventually they'll start noticing that things aren't moving and that the views are fake.
Yabutsk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:33:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Check their MO
http://dc.wikia.com/wiki/Interior_League
riles_ssss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:34:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've always wanted to home invade while the family is there and tie them up, cook a nice dinner, and put on a movie. Only then would I untie the youngest child telling them I'd murder them if they called for help or untied anyone before I was gone.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:34:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's a German movie centered around this idea. Two students break into the homes of b the wealthy and upset their furniture n shit without causing huge damages. Then, they spray paint "Die fetten Jahre sind vorbei" to their victims walls, to let them know their lavish life in the face of poverty is despicable.
"Die fetten Jahre sind vorbei" is a reference to Scripture, and it roughly translates to "the fat years are over". It's used when Joseph interprets Pharaoh's dream and predicts seven years of plenty followed by seven years of draught.
ThreeHourCharName ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:34:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tidy up. Optimise kitchen layout for ease of use. Leave all doors open at 45ยฐ angles. Leave all drawers open in steps. Ensure all valuables are secured. Make beds and fluff pillows.
Henrychinaskismom1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:34:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make their beds.
MickeyMoo3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:34:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Assuming that they have the a/c off while they are out... I would pack glitter into every vent in the house. :)
karlgia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:34:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
steal all their spices and candles. next time theyre trying to prepare or nice meal or survive a power outage, theyre done for.
Lucidmike78 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:34:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Look at what kind of shampoo and conditioner they use, buy the exact bottles but switch the contents. After they get used to using conditioner as shampoo and shampoo as conditioner, switch it back. Then let them question about the glitch in the matrix, whether it actually happened or not for the rest of their lives.
chrisdarulr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:34:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In high school, my best friend and I would flip things upside down at the end of parties when everyone was going to bed. Pictures on walls, couch cushions, bowls of fruit, etc. I'd probably do that. Old habits die hard.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:34:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would turn their TV on mute volume, and cut out or break the volume up button. I'm so evil.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:34:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Gonna steal from dane cook and say add shit to their house. Maybe throw a new planet in there.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:34:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide one shoe from every pair they own.
Tursh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:35:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the labels off their canned stuff and anything in the pantry. Then hide the labels around the house.
D_rotic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:35:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch all the toilet paper around. Rearrange the kitchen. Move the silverware drawer and rearrange the cups. Make all the beds with the pillows at the foot of the beds. Reset their auto sprinklers to the opposite times. Log in on the computer and cancel their cable. Use the cookies to autistically log in. Switch the direction of the ceiling fans, and change the AC to heater in June.
GaudyBass94 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:35:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange all the furniture so it's opposite from where it was before.
wheezyfinn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:35:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
By checking your username, I'm guessing that you are looking for something to do tomorrow.
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:37:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
รคlรคs ny
CaptainBayouBilly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:35:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Clean their house.
shaebae98 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:35:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Slightly change the angle of all the photos and artwork, hanging and freestanding
gitsao ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:35:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I break into the house find their tuppleware buy exact same ones. Add some lids of one size and take away lids of another size so they would never have the correct amount of lids. I may have been in your house already.
TheGogglesD0Nothing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:35:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take out the leftovers from the fridge. "I swore I put them away last night!"
lipplog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:35:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The movie AMELIE! I tried to find the scene on youtube, but couldn't.
webguy1975 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:42:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This reminded me of Amelie too. I think she switched out his shoes with an identical pair that was a size smaller. What else did she do?
lipplog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:50:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Squeezed the paste from his toothpaste tube, and refilled it with his foot fungus cream.
Flipped the handles of his bathroom door so he couldn't get out.
Switched his lightbulbs so they'd explode when he turned on the lights.
I can't remember the rest.
webguy1975 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's on Netflix. The scene starts at 53:41.
Jwillis-8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:35:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take a shit and push it (while wearing gloves) down into their vents, so they can't find the cause of a nasty smell flr a while.
grand-salami ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:36:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Empty their ice-bin and the pump soap dispenser, switch the TV Input to HDMI 2 and put his toothbrush in her holder and vice-versa. that would elicit a lot of "wtf honey?"
tothemoonbtc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:36:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Add food to the refrigerator. Like 3 sandwich instead of 2 in a lunch box, or refill a milk carton. etc.
TheSubOrbiter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:36:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
place tinned tuna around the place, cram it in the curtain rods, put it in the electric baseboard heaters or vents, cake it somewhere in the over where it wont be seen from casually putting stuff in there, smear it under the tables and chairs, inside the legs of said furniture if they are hollow metal tubes, cut a small hole in the underneath part of the couch where its covered over with shitty fabric and smear it on the wood and springs...
the entire place would reek of rotten tuna in a week and it would be coming from everything
rollerhen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:36:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would install a safe in a wall and then hang a picture in front of it. Preferably a picture of a chicken.
quentinp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:36:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Install an extra door...which won't open.
MissDem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:36:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave all their sinks running
CheetahChum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:36:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do what my drunken self did to myself. Dose them. Always makes for an entertaining day waking up on acid.
I want toast.....look a tree
garlicroastedpotato ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:36:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Repaint their house.
LeJuanJames ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:36:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i feel a prelude to a shitty dane cook skit coming on...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:36:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would rather release lots of roaches and lizards in their drawing room. Puke in the kitchen. Spray dick jokes on walls.
Hmm. Hmm.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:36:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all the bulbs with colored ones.
Refugeehadist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:36:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We were once broken into and had the inside of our house toilet papered.
BloodBride ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:36:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I take one item from each room in the house and place them in awkward, not obvious to look places in other rooms in the house.
But they aren't just knick-knacks people won't miss. No, they're important things.
Remote control from the front room? In an air-tight container inside the cistern of their toilet.
The spatula from the kitchen? behind the wardrobe in the main bedroom.
Rabid_Grasshopper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:37:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Change the times on all their clocks. Make them all different by four minutes.
Erase their universal remotes and put almost dead batteries in them.
Beak in every couple of days and adjust their water heater temperatures.
Reverse some of their light switches.
Gratata7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:37:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait for a night that there is supposed to be a big snow storm, then paint all of their windows white. They would think for a few minutes that they were completely snowed in
mr_nobody3123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:37:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dane cook had the best idea. Kick doors in to make people think they got robbed and do it continually
lakreda ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:38:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Probably wasn't his idea.
CandleJakkz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:37:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change their Netflix to sorting shows from worst to best!
frawks24 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:37:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move cups, cutterly, pots/pans etc into different drawers or cupboards.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:37:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go in and steal all their left socks. They'll never be able to match a pair ever again..
GinoBSc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:37:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I gradually add a nice hot sauce to their condiments until they get used to it.. and I stop... blammo one day food loses its flavor forever!!!
HumbleMountainGoat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:37:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Glue. Down. Everything.
AgentSigma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:37:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take every double A battery out of devices and replace them with triple A batterys
o00thunderhawk00o ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:37:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
just beat all the story modes to whatever game they are recently playing on their system. you break in on a day they are on vacation and beat the game. this may not be annoying and it may be something you could do to a friend or family member while they are away to see a reaction.
mka3421 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:37:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip everything upside down, but not in a vandalizing way.
nicktod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:37:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You get your ass kicked
Hopeful_Swine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:37:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit I had a pretty intense discussion about this when I was in 10th grade with my class. Here are a few I remember...
Hide the remote. The most simple, and effective way to fuck with somebody.
Replace pictures with stock photos
Flip the toilet paper the opposite way.
And then things started getting out of hand....
Set up a poker game with lawn ornaments.
Plug the sink and fill it will milk and all their cereal with spoons scattered about
Set up thousands of those little green army men at their doorway to look like they are ready to attack whoever comes in.
Rube Goldberg that is activated by opening the door
Unscrew the tops of their salt shakers so the lid falls while they are trying to pour salt
Take a shit on the floor.
Mutt382 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:37:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch the shampoo and the conditioner...
Darthpirate6 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:38:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all the toilet paper rolls around so that the paper is on the inside.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:38:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make them play the witcher
bananabastard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:38:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place dead fish behind panelling, inside furniture, under floorboards etc.
Wipe my arse with their tooth brushes, record it on video, then send the video to them a month later.
blreese ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:38:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the toilet seat covers.
animalcollectivity ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:38:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Slightly rearrange their furniture
nicolaj82 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:38:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I fuck up the laces on all their shoes.
Deansy98 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:38:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave the fridge open
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:38:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all the toilet paper with Donald Trump toilet paper haha! Owned!
queen_th ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:38:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Decorate their living room with party stuff and happy birthday signs
lakreda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:38:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I continually flip the toilet paper roll around so that it's facing the opposite direction.
jonnywarpspeed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:38:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Set all of the clocks back by 2 hours
karben2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kind of the same thing.
In Highschool and buddy of mine and I went rooting around in the host of a party's room. Everyone was in the basement and we were upstairs. My buddy still about 15 DVDs and I grabbed the kids laptop. Before we left, I took a massive deuce in the kids toilet. Unflushed. We left the party immediately after. I got a call the next day, frantically asking if I'd seen anyone go upstairs because kid was missing a bunch of DVDs and his laptop. I denied anything. The next night, my brother and I were hanging. He asks, "where'd you get the laptop"? He knew immediately was stupid crime id committed. We drove to the kids house under the cover of night and I put the laptop on his front stoop. My dvd stealing friend continues to lift DVDs to this day. But that was the last thing I ever attempted to steal. I felt like a jerkoff.
MGoAzul ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
saran wrap all the toilets.
SlamBrandis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plug up the sink and leave the water running...
HybridSpud ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
throw tiny speakers in their ac vents connected to an old ipod shuffle that randomly plays animal noises at random intervals and volumes
Examon427 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would just unplug all the electronics, move the t.v. to a bathroom, and put the router on top of the house
apsae27 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn random things upside down. Not a lot, just enough to make them wonder if they did it or if they are crazy. I used to do that to my college roommate and it drove him insane
Highwind4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'll do exactly what Amelie did.
SeveredHarisn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap letters on the keyboard--E and R work well for people who don't know how to touch type, but it's extra devious to switch the symbol keys
Cotters89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide their keys in places where their mates will be blamed for losing them.
adamhuzzey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move the car keys and wallet.
ZeroDivisorOSRS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put every toilet seat up, factory reset any device I come upon, feed their animals an extra meal, and leave the milk on the counter
LoveToHateMe666 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:40:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't flush.
AnotherGooby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:40:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all furniture a foot from where it is usually placed.
Mr_Biscuits_532 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:40:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch off all their sockets
Open all closed doors (cupboards and fridges included), and close all open ones
Shit outside their front door
Leave bananas in random places
Turn pictures upside down
Change the homepages of their computers to www.corgiorgy.com
Put weird shit in their browsing history
any1else ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:40:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing at all
GuerrillaKane ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:40:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave Legos on the floor to be stepped on.
hisinfernalqueen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:40:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal 1 thing like a TV but do their dishes for them.
RDDR_CEO ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:40:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shift every piece of furniture in their house 3 inches to the left.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:40:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the labels off their canned goods
brjh1990 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:40:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Some background first: I once moved two floors up from an old apt, only to drunkenly discover that my new keys could get me in the previous apt (we forgot the silverware and drunk me apparently has some amazing intuition regarding how locks work).
That said, I contemplated swapping the contents of the new tenants bedrooms and/or physically turning ALL of the items in their rooms upside down.
DjCanicus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:40:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
open up all the doors and dressers in the house and leave
SemperFiGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:40:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take one item and flip it upside down. Could be anything from the salt shaker to the sofa.
Telzrob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:40:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I go into their stock drawer and mismatch 93% of the socks, half of 4% of the pairs to the back of the closet and throw away 1 of the remaining socks.
Rhoenerbluat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:41:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find a camera that I can reasonably assume they use regularly. Take their toothbrushes and shove them up my bum. Snap pictures of the toothbrushes up my bum with said camera. Place toothbrushes and camera back to where I found them.
Shoag ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:41:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange the dishes in the cabinet.
Asnyd421 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:41:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Neatly rearrange all of their kitchen cabinets. If I know I have time, or a partner, rearrange as much of their house as I can. Move around pictures, sofas, tvs, even swap whole bedrooms if I can.
15632SaddlebackRoad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:41:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Poop on their toilet and don't flush.
RedMoFo47 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:41:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take one sock from the dryer.
forgetfulcoder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:41:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put a quarter inch thick, clear film on random steps of their stairway to throw them off while they're walking down/up the stairs
MonkeyOnYourMomsBack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:41:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When me and a friend were in college, after every house party and everyone had gone to bed, we would stick around and then turn all the furniture and tech (computers, tv's, microwaves) upside down. So I'd probably just continue doing that.
K0oky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:41:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
take 1 sock from a pair. Leaving them only to mix and match.
Beowulfed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:42:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cut a single button off their jacket, upper middle.
MrDoubtfire182 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:42:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Something we used to do. Go in their kitchen and turn everything upside down. Anything you possibly can, especially everything in the cabinets and fridge. People get more enraged than you might think.
cbjals ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:42:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hard boil all the eggs in the fridge and put them back where you found them.
SwissSpoon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:42:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
loosen light bulbs and turn down the temperature on their water heater
propelleteer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:42:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
mic drop
Dumpster_Fetus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:42:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I show up in the middle of the night. Upon violently awaking every family member and taking them hostage, at gun point, I tie them up. I proceed to whip out the most satisfactory-looking bubble wrap they have ever seen. They CAN'T resist. If only they could reach another half an inch, they'd be able to pop it. I laugh manically.
cbjals ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:42:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace a random photo of a family member with one of Vladimir Putin.
KingofQows ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:42:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I steal the TV remotes, all of them.
spid3rkid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:42:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to burglar school I guess
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:42:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Askreddit - unsubscribed. Thanks.
cremater68 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:42:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would gradually replace all of thier photos hanging on the wall or on funiture with photos of other peoples families and random people.....but leave the original frames.
cbjals ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:42:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
add a random thing to their calendar
Rex2x4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:42:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal all the top hinges from every door in the house. Also take one table or chair leg from every table or chair.
silverace579 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:42:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal all of their forks
Wombchuck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:42:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lie down next to them.
Griknot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:42:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip every piece of furniture in their house upside-down
NotAGuraffe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:43:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave a note on the microwave saying you broke because you were hungry and you left then some spaghetti inside. But only leave them a little bit of sauce.
Deepcrater ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:43:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn on all their faucets.
Awful_F3laf3l ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:43:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I'd break into the house from the front door, open all the drawers and unlock all the locks but leave everything in place, then leave through the backdoor. They'd be wondering all week wtf was stolen.
Edit: Grammar
The_Dangest_Dongle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:43:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I put all of the toilet paper in the under hand position
Fat_eyes_Washington ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:43:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the toilet paper so it is facing the opposite direction in the holder.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:43:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
All throughout highschool I'd steal people's phones and put them in their backpacks. After a panicked search they'd find them and feel dumb.
Bigmuda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:43:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the disks out of their respective cases and swap them all around.
buhluhake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:43:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Spray all their rusty door hinges with WD-40
Fridaywing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:43:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the arrangement of house. Move the living room furnitures in the kitchen and the kitchen to the Living room. Change all pictures or portraits of the house owner and replace it with a different family.
atheneris128 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:43:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would misplace their toothpaste. Everyday it would get farther from it's original spot. First day it's on the toilet tank. Next week, it'll be on their bed stand and so on. Next month, it's in their mailbox.
Koala_Guru ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:44:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put a feather in their shoe! Haha! Tickle-foot!!!
elitegenoside ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:44:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take one sock from every pair and put them all in front of the dryer.
stonedcoldkilla ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:44:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch the toilet paper to unravel the opposite way you had it. Switch all your pillows into other pillow cases. Switch your body wash and shampoo bottles.
jott44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:44:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change their wifi password
Sidyka ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:44:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the caps of the toothpast and not pay your bill Oh wait your my room mate
Jkal91 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:44:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave a fake poop in the couch.
Hillcock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:44:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
take their TV remote and then drive by or walk by every night changing chanels
extracanadian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:44:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break open the front door, mess some items up inside then take nothing.
waltbosz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:44:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove a closet door and accompanying trim. Drywall over the opening and repaint wall.
SeaLegs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:44:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide socks.
KelErudin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:44:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the furniture over by just an inch or so. Swap all the forks and spoons in the drawers. Reverse the rolls of tp on the dispensers
xStilp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:44:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dane Cook - B and E
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ivXrhdSnSl4
IrishWeegee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:45:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find their shoes, cut side of the laces about 3 inches shorter than the other side. They will have lopsided knots and have to re-lace their shoes to balance it.
badpenguin455 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:45:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch all the light switch functions around
dultas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:45:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all of their toilet paper rolls over.
buffalobilz23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:45:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go into their fridge and eat, like, half of all of their leftover meals.
cbjals ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:45:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the icons from their usual browser to Internet Explorer and viceversa.
McDonteCorleon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:45:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal all their remote controls.
MrGoonDaddy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:45:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move every piece of furniture 4 inches. Everyone will bump into stuff for days without knowing why
Gerden ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:45:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I eat every packaged snack item in the house and only leave one left.
Ididitthestupidway ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:45:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqGkbjs_h-w
Carlson1223 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would go into their pantry and remove all the labels off of the canned goods. They won't know what's what until they open them. That is all.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Makes me think of the "Scary Clowns Department" from the book "Bad Monkeys". Instead of killing people who are evil or taking them out like the CIA, they kidnap them and mess with their head
CafeRoaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Chores.
Dishes, laundry, sweeping, etc. They'll be so freaked out, but so happy. It'd be a roller coaster.
stillworkin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
change the time on the clocks, all to be at random times
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reverse one battery in the tv controller.
LoserOfficial ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange the furniture but only two at a time.
civicgsr19 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lotion in the shampoo bottles and Cheyenne pepper in all the kitchen spices.
teepring ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide the shit.
happikoto ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip every door so it opens the opposite way. Push is now pull , open to the right is now open to the left.
KanpaiWashi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave all the doors (cupboard doors, closet doors, garage doors, etc) open. Make it seem like some paranormal activity type thing.
EetsaMeMeowio ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My uncle used to live with my mom and her husband, one of his good buddies used to live across the street with his parents - I love my uncle but he likes to drink, like come home at 4 in the morning, wake the whole house trying to make some toast drink. Eventually my mom's husband complained about his noise level enough that my uncle decided instead of coming home and making loud snacks he would go across the street to his friends parent's house and eat their food. The parents were really confused about the missing food and assumed their son was lying about eating it. This went on for months until my uncle drunkenly confessed to his buddy and his buddy ratted him out to his parents so he would stop getting blamed for it. The lesson in this? Don't let your son's food and alcohol loving buddy know where you keep the spare housekey and good snacks.
Dragirby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I kick their door open.
duks20 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I marry them
Finn280 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal one sock from every pair that they own.
NYCBrit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Deliver a new TV
Radioactivetree ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:47:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would only steal the prongs from their power cords.
kazooie5659 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:47:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shit in a ceiling light. It'll smell bad for an incredibly long time until someone realizes it, and it'll be awkward and a mess to clean up.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:47:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mystery Turd.
This actually happend last night. Somone snuck into my apartment and took a huge shit without flushing. Nothing was stolen. My only guess as to who done it is my upstairs neighbor. Ive always had a feeling that she dosent like me. Somehow she might have a key or found a way in while i was at work. Either way, its pretty unsettling.
whatsdup ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:47:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X7vCYAaD3Mo
Let us not forget about Home Alone.
citizennsnipps ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:47:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Their laundry.
Paranoma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:47:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take a dump in the reservoir behind the toilet.
bush84 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:47:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move in
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:47:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd change the AA batteries on their remote control to AAA batteries. That way, they'll think the batteries shrunk.
chucksean7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:47:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all of the furniture to the right 1 inch. Bonus points if the victim is blind
Red_Febtober ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:47:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange TV inputs by switching which electronics are plugged into which inputs and swap left/right surround speaker inputs.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:48:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
stella4eva ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:57:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Totally wondering if I have one of those now because I've not beem able to open the door properly to change the shelves and it's annoyed the crap out of me. If it is, I'm switching it when I get home. I had no idea this was a thing, so cheers.
beazley26 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:48:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Only time I was robbed was when the coins in my car coin holder were all taken. Really confused me, considering there was a laptop in my car.
Sthabou ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:48:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove all doorknobbs and move everything 5 inches every day for a couple of weeks
RedEyedITGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:48:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kick in the front door every couple of months but don't go in or take anything... they'll spend a lifetime of agony trying to figure out what's missing.
alpha11110 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:48:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wear their magic ring to turn invisible and watch them freak out when they can't find it/me
MayBeADinosaur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:48:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move their keys...
Owndead ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:48:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would move everything slightly to the right of their usual position, except the furniture. I would move the furniture slightly to the left.
anto687 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:48:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap the knives and forks around in the cutlery drawer.
Swap pictures too.
If their toaster is symmetrical (in that it'd make sense the opposite way around) turn it around. They have been sleepily coming down to that toaster every morning and putting bread in it and pushing down the lever on one side of it for YEARS, and TODAY they get it wrong. Are they wrong, or is the toaster wrong. They'll never know.
citizennsnipps ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:48:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Better yet change their answering machine recording so when they hear it they are freaked. Mwhahahahaha.
Ralphvboy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:48:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Upper decker
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:48:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
this is stupid question, cover everything individually in a coat of glue, then plastic wrap, then tinfoil. It's pretty obvious geez...
TrustInGenocide ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:48:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the spring out of the toilet paper holder, that really pisses people off
keepthingssimple ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:48:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take out the cardboard roll in paper towels and toilet paper.
5hiner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:49:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide pineapples around the house.
zestysock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:49:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all of their two-ply toilet paper with sandpaper. I'm evil.
seabutcher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:49:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've actually given real thought to the idea of being a reverse-pickpocket. Someone who, instead of taking stuff from someone else's open and visible pocket, instead slips something in there like money or a chocolate bar. ....Sort of like my girlfriend does to me with empty wrappers.
blank_zilla ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:49:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put raw shrimp inside the curtain rods.
JessNei ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:49:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mustache every picture of someone, take bites of leftovers, mismatch the closets, and maybe hide something that will stink terribly in some rarely thought of nook
Effutrollme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:49:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put their mayonnaise in their vanilla ice cream container and place it back In the freezer, hard boil all their eggs put them back in the container and then back in the fridge, and last but not least cut a hole in the pinky toe area of all their socks.
SoulWager ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:49:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Slowly delete all the filter lists from their adblocker, over the course of a couple months. Near the end, also start installing toolbars.
katzenjammer_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:49:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
put a pubic hair on every toothbrush
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:49:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
replace the batteries of the tv remote with 2 baby carrots and close it back up
SkyDerpz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:50:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Two words.. Wet Bandits
PeteWTF ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:50:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave post-it notes in random locations
ifaptolatex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:50:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Connect the turn signal indicator to the horn.
This will annoy all except BMW drivers.
MarmaladeMeg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:50:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break the chain on the toilet lever
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:50:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Me and my companion will clog the drains and turn on all the faucets. And we will give ourselves a name. The Moisture Marauders or something like that.
Charliemander ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:50:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Poop...everywhere!
mattthescreamer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:50:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cling wrap over the toilet bowl then put the seat down. Thank you Howie Mandel in Little Monsters cerca 1989.
HeisenbergCooks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:50:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide their tuber ware.
PFisken ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:50:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Superglue the toilet shut.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:50:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
KarmicDragon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:54:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're a monster.
rationarian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:50:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
what a fucking bullshit question
2ndRateTheologian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:50:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pretend to pick up random items and then put them down saying, "How dumb would it be if I stole that?"
Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:50:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
People get super accustomed to their kitchen, so I'd move dishes between the cabinets. Like putting the cups where the plates go, etc. Also, it'd be annoying to rearrange the fridge so they keep thinking they don't have stuff and buy more of what they already have. Little do they know, it's actually just on the back of the bottom shelf mwahahaha
mrpanicy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:51:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unlock the persons doors, move things slightly.
Do this every couple weeks.
Their house will become eerie to them. Drive them mad.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:51:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace their sugar with salt and vice versa. That will sure ruin mommas home made chicken noodle soup.
RaChernobyl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:51:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make the audio on everything just a second behind the video on tvs, laptops, tablets....
akumas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:51:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I move all the furniture in the living room two inches to the right.
kamikaze_red ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:51:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn the t.p. upside down ... everday...same house..
brzztffn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:52:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take out their ice tray, so their freezer fills up with ice. Then leave a couple of black garbage bags, with a note saying "you'll need this"
TheProudPudding ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:52:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Since I do this in school now, I suppose I would take the ink cartridges out of all their pens and put them in places they wouldn't think to look.
reaber04 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:52:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put all the remotes in the freezer
Cypher_Shadow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:52:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sign them out of all of their streaming services. Replace all the BluRay disks with 4:3 aspect DVDs.
themackley ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:52:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put the wrong sized bra under the bed
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:52:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go into their kitchen, and move all the utensils around so they're not in the correct spot. ๐
Ledgo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:52:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip whatever direction the toliet paper goes. Also remove the tube so when they try to flip it they get frustrated even more.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:52:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wouldn't that make me a Riddler?
Schmielio ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:52:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Disconnect the modem and hide the cables. Also swap the silverware drawer with a different drawer.
Suixle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:52:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find all the money in their house, every last dollar. Then take out a sharpie and color on them with black permanent marker.
ThisLookInfectedToYa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:52:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
rearrange things, small at first but after a few break ins swap entire rooms.
Splatterh0use ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:52:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd put a "Jehovah Witnesses Welcome Here" sign up front but only on weekends.
Dime_in_the_Winter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:53:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide all the remotes. Unscrew all their spices in the cabinet and put them back upside down. Throw away all the lids to everything in their fridge. Lift all the suction dillies on the back of the toilets so all of them run continuously.
WithAGrainOfSugar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:53:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sprinkle very light amounts of itch powder on their toilet paper.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:53:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stuff shrimp in the curtain rods and other hidden places that people normally don't check. Then I'd hide all the socks and replace the sugar with salt and vice versa.
Franklin_DeTurtle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:53:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal all of their light bulbs except one.
ubermidget1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:53:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal a single sock.
blacksplosiveness ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:53:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange all their furniture significant enough to be noticed but slight enough to not be noticed right away
TheSchemm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:53:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put 50 bottles of ketchup in their refrigerator.
np3est8x ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:53:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Vacuum.
uninhibitedfool ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:53:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Feng shui the whole house!
agentnola ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:53:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Disable the fans in people's computers. Then laugh evilly as each victim curses because their computer overheats as they started working on that giant excel project.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:53:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Scatter bamboo seeds all over the yard.
is that too evil?
Suixle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:53:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all the food in their house with an expired version of said food
stashtv ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:53:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change their DNS and point Google.com to localhost.
mtb12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:54:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Upper decker in the toilet tank
Jyxxe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:54:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all doors with bead, all batteries with dead batteries, and flipping all screens upside down.
EverLiving_night ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:54:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Melt every pen, or pen like piece of plastic i can find onto their kitchen counter (Or dining table) Leaving the surface horribly lumpy and infuriating to use.
Go_J ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:54:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Start laughing like Janice from Friends.
amailender ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:54:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change all their dresser drawers, put put the clothes in different drawers so they go to look for a shirt but there's pants in the drawer now lol
el_f3n1x187 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:54:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the orientation of the toilet paper, and take all the forks.
Lawrence_s ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:54:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find someone who uses a film camera still. Then take several photos of me cleaning my ass with their toothbrush before placing it and the camera back exactly where they were. Might be a few months of oblivious brushing before they get the film developed.
SparkleyRedOne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:54:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave a note like I live there:
Hey sweetie, I ran to the store real quick for some dinner. Be back soon!
Xoxo
bdoylerules ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:54:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This just happened to me today. I walked downstairs and the air conditioning was off and the oven was on full blast. Having drank last night I was flabbergasted.
nooutlaw4me ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:54:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put all the dirty dishes away in the cabinets or fill the washing machine up with water.
TexasRealm1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:54:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Seal every door up, turn every water faucet on, and when they're home from their month-long vacation...
Hawkeye2222 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:54:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move the drivers seat in everyone's car
ezaspie03 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:54:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Constantly open ALL the cabinets.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:54:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
1) Remove all their toilet paper and replace it wit half ply.
2) remove their toilet seats and bike like them all to the ceiling fan
cornball1111 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go to each room and put the box spring on top of the mattress then remake the bed just as it was before
GrumpyGanker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I steal their left sock.
rednax1206 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove a single slice from their loaf of bread and place it in the toaster. Toast it. Knock over random items between the toaster and breadbox.
MervGoldstein ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Soak toilet paper in some sort of irritant, let it dry and put in each bathroom.
Suixle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change every lock in their house to a visually identical but different one. Come back every night to do it again.
SoL_and_Sick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Easy. A metric shit tonne of glitter on top of the ceiling fans, glitter in the air vents (if they're on the ceiling then just put it on a sheet of paper inside the vent, leaving half the vent exposed, air will do the rest of the work), extra fine glitter in the shower heads, faucets, on top of doors. Literally anything that has movement. Even in the toilet tank. Why? Because you're going that extra mile to not only annoy but confuse.
Also assuming the homeowner is magically impossible to wake, a nice liberal coating of hairspray or any other clear, residueless aerosol adhesive on the carpet, floors, furniture. Go nuts.
47relyk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
switch or remove all the labels in the kitchen.
Axl7879 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change their wifi settings every couple of days
raistlinblack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My in-laws live in South Carolina and root for opposite NCAA teams (Clemson/USC). One in-law put rye grass on the others lawn in the shape of a tiger paw. Weeks later a bright green grass grew up faster than the other grass.
Reddy_McRedcap ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all of their AA batteries with AAA batteries
Grahmeck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tie off nearly empty garbage bags.
literal_troll ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ahem. At common law, "burglary" is defined as "the breaking and entering of the dwelling place of another at night *with the intent to commit a felony therein." Thus, if you aren't committing larceny (i.e. stealing) or some other felony inside your victims' homes, then you aren't a burglar.
MsCrazyPants70 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearranging everything will drive them batty. Swap the silverware with the stuff in a different drawer, move dishes to different cabinets, rearrange fridge contents and dry goods. Put all tools into different places, swap just half the closet contents with different closets and mix them all up.
DontBeScurd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ive always wanted to just sneak into peoples houses and change the setting on their showerhead to confuse them.
toomuchmarley ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take everything with a lid in their house and closing it really tight.
MarinoNY ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move furniture a just slightly, I have done it by mistake before, you walk right into the furniture slamming your knees or cracking ur head on chandlers.
zhill29 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:56:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd just break the door open and leave, so they spend the next three weeks trying to figure out what the fucks missing.
_head_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:56:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Loosen phone charger cables so they wake up with a nearly dead cell phone, thinking they just didn't plug it in all the way.
Xenodia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:56:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Putting super glue on door handles and light switches.
And the Toilet seat.
1RedHouND1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:56:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all their clocks ahead 1 hour
Lord_Xenu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:56:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pour out all the milk and put the empty containers back in the fridge.
grandroute ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:56:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
hide a small device that plays the sound of a cricket chirping at odd intervals. Or two of them in different rooms and set so they don't chirp at the same time..
R3DLOTU5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:56:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange funiture or bolt furniture to ceiling
Or unscrew the lightbulbs just enough to not come on.
Siniroth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:56:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I turn off all the automatic coffee makers
effectedsum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:56:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange their kitchen drawers.
PhucItAll ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:56:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove all the labels from their canned goods.
scw55 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:56:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rummage through groceries and open all unopened packets. Consume a quantity of the contents. Let the household blame each other.
Dwight--Schrute ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:56:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put a pinch of rock salt in every tube socks and shoes.
engnumber9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:56:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the labels off all their canned goods
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:57:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place poop in the oven
Redlight_Riddler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:57:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unscrew but not displace all the the toilet seats in the house. Take off the shower heads and replace them but without the plumber tape that you're supposed to use.
Gus100k ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:57:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break in program Universal controllers to most of the stuff in there house . Drive around there block every night changing channels , opening garages , Turning lights on and off.
WindowOnTheSea ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:57:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace the plates of the car
subgenius691 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:57:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The easy one is rearranging furniture. How about always reversing the rolls of toilet paper...writing messages on the mirror that only appear after steam....or using the toilet after a 2nd rate Mexican dinner but never flushing. Or Routinely bring parakeets in the house and leave them. Or Put 1 or 2 items from inside the house by the front door Or Change the light bulbs to color bulbs Or Leave pieces of candy here and there Or Put odd sized clothing in their closet and laundry
Frigorifico ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:58:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace everything with identical copies
SpaceStacker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:58:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave a naked Obama with a crossword puzzle
BBRodriguezzz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:58:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip everything upside down.
Actually in highschool my friends and I were real close and would constantly be over on another's houses, kinda could just walk in. Sometimes if one of us wasn't home or had a girl over, EVERYTHING was flipped upside down or turned over and we would and just leave. Fun stuff
disenchanted_youth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:58:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm lazy so I won't do something intricate. I'd just go and cut holes on all their pockets. Then I'd stick gum under all their shoes. Finally, before leaving I'd steal their toilet paper.
Dwight--Schrute ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:58:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the chargers for all electronics.
Funaily1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:58:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would hide their remote and router in the last place they would've looked.
I_SLAM_SMEGMA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:58:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change all the pictures to pictures of me and my fam.
Nightguard119 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:58:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break in, steal the dinning room table replace it with one similar in size and shape but completely different in color and material and use the original table cloth After about 6 months switch them back
MDCrossfire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:59:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Spill a beer by their bed and make them wake up and see the spilt beer. Then after they have gone back to sleep clean it up for them, making them wonder were the beer went.
Peachykeen9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:59:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change their voicemail on their home phone. Say something like, "The (Last name), are no longer living at this residence. If you'd like to get in contact with them, call # (and give them one of those sex talk numbers)
Mlv1195 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:59:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip random, decorative things upside down like candle holders
Clandesence ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:59:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all photos with dat boi wrap everything in wrapping paper and ribbons...including the scissors.
Hey-Bo-bandy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:59:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A cheeky shit in the cistern is always good
bAt_d0ge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:59:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all their clocks forward (or back) a few hours and watch them get completely confused!
thisbitchneedsreddit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:59:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take everything out if it's drawer/cupboard/closet and rearrange. Everything has its home, just not the one they're used to.
Peachykeen9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:59:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange all their drawers and cupboards
MrMeeeseeks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:59:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I stay over at friends' houses, I always print out pictures of people who annoy them and stick them in their picture frames.
My friends usually don't notice this until someone else points it out to them. Once I put a picture of this guy over my friend's dad's face and it was her grandma who discovered it. The grandma was like, "who the fuck is this ugly guy?!"
wiggles5289 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:00:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I do this in real life sadly, but I steal tv remotes at holiday parties. Its the simplest thing you can take in a house that can annoy anyone. Best part is no one suspects that it was stolen and the search goes on.
reichertsIsland ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:00:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave the Fridge and Freezer Doors open
strikervulsine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:00:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No one is gonna see this but:
Take out the ice machine insert in the freezer and shit in it and put it back in.
Can you imagine weeks or even months later and you get iced turds in your drink? The horror knowing you'd used it the whole time, eat time drinking just a little bit of shit.
Glorious.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:14:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
strikervulsine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:16:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bah. Details. And fine. How bout a dog turd?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:17:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
strikervulsine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:24:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Got some personal experience eh?
chemix42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:00:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It wouldn't be so much what I would leave/take/do as it would be how I got in. The house would have to be in a secluded area, and the people couldn't be home. I would go around the side or back of the house with a Saw-zall or a chainsaw and cut my own doorway into the place and get in that way. Bonus points if it's right next to a window, double bonus if the door was unlocked, triple bonus if you hit something like a bed and have to cut through that too. Then just walk in and re-arrange the furniture in the living room or something, and walk out.
ereldar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:00:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all the bottles, jars, boxes, and other containers in their fridge/pantry upside down. Nothing sinister at all. They should all be securely closed so they don't spill.
HangLuce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:00:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal their toothbrush. They buy another. Wait a couple days. Steal it again.
latenightnerd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:00:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn the toilet roll around so it hangs the wrong way.
Warskull ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:00:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap their coffee. If they are a decaff person you replace it with caffeinated and if they drink regular coffee you make it decaff.
Ernest101au ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:00:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Park their car and leave their keys in a different spot. Thanks for the wheels for my beer runs 20 years ago Mr Neighbor.
/feel horrible to this day, kinda. //filled up the tank once...
Phoenix229 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:01:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shift everything in the house 5 inches to the side so that they keep bumping into and hitting things without noticing what's wrong.
bobclause ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:01:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I actually did this to a buddy of mine. Turn EVERYTHING upside down. Furniture, wall decorations, dishes in the cupboard, food in the fridge, EVERYTHING! It was great listening to his confused exasperation for weeks as he kept finding things upside down that he had overlooked. I didn't tell him it was me until quite some time later.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:01:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wasn't this question posted several months ago? Recycling AskReddits? Really OP?
Pain-Causing-Samurai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:01:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
https://xkcd.com/666/
Unco_Slam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:01:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reverse hinges on half their doors. Allow the nose-smash ensue.
Tokie-okie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:01:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd start by ordering glitter... By the pound.. Every drawer. Every place that's not obvious so it's a surprise every time they find one for the next few weeks.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:01:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you talking about a creepy crawl
DragonHunting ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:01:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Draw phallic symbols on surfaces that aren't too easy nor impossible to clean, using substances that won't leave a mark after removal but won't come off easily either
pastamic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:01:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into your house and super glue all your droors except 3.
cousteausCredence ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:01:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Knock down cherished freestanding photos so the glass front cracks.
Coopins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:01:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kick in the door, and do absolutely nothing. This reminds me of a Dane Cook skit... https://youtu.be/Z8WGFhOgaX4
Snorlax0143 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:01:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is what the Manson family did before murdering people. They called it creepy crawling. They would break in and rearrange furniture.
SIEGE312 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:01:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange all the furniture in the living and dining rooms. Continue to do so for a number of months. It drives them fucking crazy.
UnUsedSkillSet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:01:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
1.Steal or revers the battery's in all remotes and devices 2.Replace all family photos with stock photos 3.Glue chairs to ceiling 4.Take all there bills 5.???? 6. Profit
Spawnacus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:01:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rub every roll of toilet paper with poison ivy.
Put crystal violet stain in their shower head.
Take one battery out of every electronic device that requires them.
LaBelleCommaFucker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:02:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Smear Vaseline in places where it can't be seen, but they'll definitely touch it. Underside of door knobs, light switches, bottom of the remote, everything. Go back to touch it up, but gradually ramp it up. Want a fork? Too bad, they're all slicked up. Need deodorant? Sure, but first have a thin layer of grease on your pits.
Stovvadz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:02:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I only steal the plug part of their chargers
orcs_in_space ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:02:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Upper decker. Every. Single. Time.
hairybuttstuff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:02:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cook a meal and set the table.
klikka89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:02:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'll steal all their right shoes and left socks
DublinItUp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:02:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reverse the side their refrigerator opens. Do this bi-weekly.
watchman28 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:02:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Set the volume on their telly up REALLY loud and take apart the remote, removing the contacts from the volume buttons so they don't work again.
Bwa ha and, indeed, ha.
buttdirt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:02:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Artie Sloan, tyin' his shirts in knots!
Namaste_lv ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:02:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hang the toilet paper under hand
fruitcakefriday ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:02:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I dunno, here's a few
Xacebop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:02:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For people who I know are out of town we like to plug the sink and leave the water running. Hence our nickname
kwonempire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:02:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide the car keys
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:02:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
388 Arletta Avenue
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:02:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Paint all their lightbulbs black.
zizou91 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:02:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap their salt with sugar
Keskekun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:02:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Since my diety of choice is Anoia it would only make sense to get all their drawers slightly stuck. Enough to be annoying, not enough to make anyone actually fix it. It's more art than anything else really.
Ehandothertails ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:02:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip all the toilet paper rolls over.
Ickarus_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:02:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into their house on a weekly basis and take out their trash and do their dishes.
LOZLINK ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:03:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sell insurance policies.
Haylyn221 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:03:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide all important items in weird places they'll likely not look. Phone, keys, electronics, wallets, etc.
OhMyGillett ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:03:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unplug everything
Vlaed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:03:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find an OCD person and rearrange their decorations, tilt picture frames, rotate pens, etc.
Rodderp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:03:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put some kind of random foodstuff in their refrigerator, with a note with the name of the previous owner of their hous on it Add a photograph of an unknown, somewhat victorian-age psychotic looking, family to their photo stand Rearrange their TV channels to all be set to frequency '666' Start up the family laptop, add bookmarks to porn
I can go on for a while with this tbh. It's actually not a bad idea, must be awesome fun.
BekahsBedroom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:03:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put the salt in the pepper shaker and vice versa.
Darth_Dachshund ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:03:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dump dark colored Legos on each side of the victims bed every night as they sleep...
hydra1970 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:03:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mix flower into the dishwashing and laundry detergent
bisjac ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:03:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
put goldfish in toilets
mattsprofile ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:03:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pack a lunch and eat at their dinner table, feeding scraps to their dogs.
CheeseFantastico ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:03:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Keep taking one sock of a pair. I'm doing this now in your home, by the way.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:03:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This.
Pain-Causing-Samurai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:03:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Whenever I finished paying for anything at a store, I'd laugh maniacally, yell "You lose, Sucker!", and sprint away.
Shirohart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:03:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My girlfriend said she would start by removing all the in-soles from their shoes
EggerFlo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:04:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
clean their house every night at first they will appreciate it and be happy about it but when they start thinking about why its always clean without them doing something they will slowly lose their mind and at some point move out
then you can buy a "haunted house" for a very small price
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:04:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Block there sinks and leave there taps running.
Souuuth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:04:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd rearrange the items in their drawers. Oh socks? Nope. Silverware.
yamfase ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:04:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Absolutely nothing. Make it obvious someone broke in, but do nothing and watch the people go crazy trying to figure out what was stolen.
E_Kristalin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:04:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reinstall their computer software in mandarin chinese
mopar_mafia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:04:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Record as porn as possible on the dvr.
JoshuaSattan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:04:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
glue all of the furniture to the ceiling.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:04:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You could find some old nasty blankets, pillows, empty coke bottles and snack rappers and put them up in the attic. After that it's a waiting game.
JackJagOfficial ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:04:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ljj
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:04:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Superglue all the furniture upside-down to the ceiling.
M_a_t_t_y ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:04:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal Dane Cook jokes
NJD03 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:04:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break in every week and steal one kitchen utensil each time. Play the long con to drive them truly mad
MagicSPA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:04:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the settings in their fridge/freezer.
Joe1972 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:04:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove toilet paper rolls and put them on top of the roller as if someone was too lazy to put them in. Also randomly reverse the direction of toilet paper rolls. Squeeze all toothpaste tubes in the middle. Mess a little sugar on the kitchen floor and leave it there.
EDIT: also take the milk out of the fridge and leave it on a kitchen counter.
Do ALL of the above at least 3 times per week
crashv10 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:12:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
do you want ants? because that how you get ants!
rickbrowntravelman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:05:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This also applies also to ex wife, husbands and significant others. Go into the house on different occasions and make changes to everything. Replace items with larger or smaller items. Hem pants to make them shorter. Anything too obvious and it won't work. I once changed the yogurt for sour cream and I can only imagine the look of horror when eaten, but this gives you away.
undeadastronaut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:05:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace good remote batteries with bad batteries.
Kazarath ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:05:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd replace everything in their house with an exact copy.
muadib42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:05:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Attach all furniture and other household items to the ceiling.
DKMode4Life ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:05:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place a bowl of cereal, without milk, on the dining table everyday.
dfcHeadChair ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:05:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OP, you sound like a ghost that has run out of good ideas.
furrrsurre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:05:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Id do that jerkoffs taxes... Next year the irs will audit the piss out of him
Fuplifter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:05:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change their mouse from 'right click' to 'left click'.
Traffodil ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:05:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I loved this old urban myth from the days before digital cameras....
Holidaymakers return to hotel room and notice they've been broken in to. Bummer. Continue with holiday, get home and get photos developed... Notice pics taken by burglar with toothbrushes (that they have been using all holiday) wedged firmly up burglars arses.
pwnedkiller ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:05:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange all the family photos and silverware including all plates and glassware. Every night I sneak in and do this when I leave I always clog a drain and leave the water running causing their water bill to go up and flood the house.
ryokensan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:05:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make "how to" cooking videos in Their kitchen then clean everything like you were never there. Then post the videos to their FB
rhead42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:05:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change everyone's keyboard to Dvorak
Warfink ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:05:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My friend is pretty anal about his alphabetized DVD collection. Most times I go over I move one movie and tell him just as I'm walking out the door. Other times I tell him I moved one and don't touch anything.
DeseretB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:05:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Redecorate the front room. They walk in, think they're in the wrong house, walk out, realize this is their house, walk in and repeat.
Anthro_Fascist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:06:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide a small speaker in one of the potted plants and have it emit a high-frequency sound at all times.
JustLikeHector ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:06:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make sure to hide your work shoes before work so you start looking everywhere for them thus making you almost late to work.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:06:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If they have a pet, I would place their pet in a cage and place the cage outside their bedroom door
Connor44533 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:06:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Going to every bathroom and flipping the toilet paper so that it faces inward
FlipKnight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:06:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place inappropriate messages on tiny post it notes hidden all over the house. Fridge, car, bags, toilet seat, coat pockets etc.
I did this to my cousin and she's still finding them after 6 months.
Neoptolemus85 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:06:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Poop in their litter tray so they think they need to switch to a different brand of cat food.
firesidefire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:06:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the direction of as many of their doorways as possible.
Prohunter21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:06:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the AA batteries and leave only AAA hahaha
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:06:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change their answering machine to "This is Rashid at Duct Cleaning Services. We will send a team over shortly. Also we noticed your Windows has a virus."
purrpot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:06:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
My uncle did this to my parents once, it was hilarious. He came over super early one morning, snuck around the entire house and took apart every. single. doorknob. Including cabinet doors, screen doors, everything.
So my parents woke up trapped in their bedroom, but fortunately my uncle left a screwdriver on their dresser, so Dad was able to jimmy the door open. My uncle made sure to shut all the doors, too, so Mom and Dad had to break into their own bathroom.
Eventually, after they regained access to the downstairs, Dad climbed out the kitchen window (in his underwear, in full view of the neighbors, because my uncle hit the closet and laundry toom doors, too) to get all the doorknobs, which my uncle left in a bag on the back porch. I wasn't born yet but whenever Dad told the story, he laughed about how it took him most of that Saturday to get all the doorknobs back on.
So, if I broke into someone's house, I'd probably do this. Maybe not if they had kids, though, or no good fire escapes. Safety first!
Edit: typos
Torenlamp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:06:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Repaint a wall into an other colour
dxdifr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:06:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hard boil half of their eggs, and mix them randomly with the non hard boiled eggs
Another_juan_please ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:06:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch the hot and cold water faucet lines so you end up putting a disgustly hot tooth brush in your mouth in the morning
PenisAnnaMajorsakIII ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:06:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
True story: years ago, I lived in an apartment building that a lady friend of mine also lived in. I had this huge collection of metal gear and final fantasy action figures, as well as various lego sets all displayed on a few bookcases and shelves. Every once in awhile, she'd actually break into my apartment and put them in random sexual poses. I'd come home and find solid snake being molested by psycho mantis, or squall from ff8 being blown by Tifa from ff7. I could never stay mad at her.
Salty_crakker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:07:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the furniture 1 inch to the left. They wont know why, but something will feel off.
RickettsZ22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:07:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove all the labels from canned goods in their pantry.
Bengalman753 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:07:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal only all of their toilet paper.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:07:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd take all of the wicks out of their candles then flip them and put them back on upside down. Even the ones that are jars filled with a candle, if cut it out and do it. It takes ages to fix every candle in a home.
darienrude_dankstorm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:07:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Murder their families
cakewoman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:08:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would hide one sock from every matching pair my victim owned.
SleepWouldBeNice ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:08:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn the toilet paper rolls around.
Waladil ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:08:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
First, I find my way to the room of their infant child. Then, I carefully disguise my child to look identical to theirs and switch the two. In the morning, the parents awake and raise my child like their own. After some time, my child will return to me and the parents will be without a child MWAHAHAHAHA
Wait, no, that's not confusing, that's just being a changeling. #changelingthings #faeriefacts
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:08:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shit on their coffee table
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:08:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The old take shits in their cats litterbox so they think there cat has started to take huge poops.
FredAsta1re ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:08:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap sugar and salt
JimmyJam444 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:08:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me of the 2nd half of Dane Cook's "Breaking and Entering" joke from the Vicious Circle tour. Pretty hilarious joke!
DrFatz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:08:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place every drink in their fridge upside down.
illinifan11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:08:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
put legos in their shoes
th3_funguy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:18:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That is more evil then anything I could imagine.
IsraeliMassdebator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:09:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Probably just flip the furniture upside down, same for paintings and so on
MagicSPA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:09:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No-one has said putting a tiny little bit of LSD in their drinking water tank.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:09:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
put everything upside down
Googlebochs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:09:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
hide a universal TV remote rigged to a timer that increases the TV volume by 1point every 5+min or so.
BraveLilToaster42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:09:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put one set of keys in the freezer. If there's a second, it goes in the bathroom soap dish. Put the bread in the laundry room, laundry detergent in the fridge, the remotes under the kitchen sink, and the kitchen broom in the garage.
If they have an elf on the shelf, he'll be on top of the fridge. Any stuff animals or Funko pops will be having a TP fight in the living room.
RebelHydra ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:09:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take everything out of the fridge/ freezer and turn on all appliances. Also leave every tap running.
P-Munny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:09:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave a trail of jellybeans to their master bedroom. They follow the trail. They find a used sex doll in the bed.
ieatthehardkernels ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:09:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I leave giant whey fueled upper Deckers in all bathrooms.
GeneralShepard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:10:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn off the coffee's automatic timer
OffensivelyTasty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:10:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all their toothbrushes with fresh new toothbrushes of a different color
MartynTheSpartyn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:10:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break in and move around stuff
datmotoguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:10:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove the bathroom door.
And by remove the door I mean replace it with drywall so they have a bathroom with no door. Or opening.
Imagine them returning from a long car trip, just to learn the bathroom is gone.
ErroticRaccoon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:10:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide all of their remote controls
hoodytwin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:10:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would change jobs to work the late shift, and when everyone was at work, I'd sneak in and flip the toilet paper rolls to roll from underneath the roll.
atvdude9876 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:10:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck up all the color settings on every TV in their house, and then change the language to the most obscure language the tv offers.
shelfdog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:10:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I knew a guy in high school that used to break into people's houses while they were gone, but he wouldn't steal anything.
He would re-arrange all their furniture.
He had done this to 5 houses and was caught in the middle of his sixth - crazy bastard was actually re-painting the living room when the family came home.
th3_funguy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:14:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Can I have more back story on this, it honestly made me and my family laugh are asses off.
shelfdog ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:50:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sure. He was a funny kid, always made people laugh, lived a few blocks over from my house. Nice guy, but he never really hung out with anyone after school. Kept to himself. No one knows why he did it, when he was asked afterwards he said it was "just for the hell of it".
But the houses he hit were all right around his, that's how he knew when the neighbors would be gone and how to get in. He even cut school half day once to "hit" his own house as well, so they didn't suspect him. I always thought he did it for the reactions afterwards. The word of the "Rearranging Robber" spread fast in our small town and since he was hitting houses near his, he had a front row seat to the reactions and fall out.
He was arrested, but the neighbors dropped the charges (B+E, Vandalism- no robbery as he never took anything) and he paid to have the living room repainted by professionals. He did yard work for all the families for a few months to make amends. That was in the middle of senior year, his family moved in the summer when the school year ended. He was a funny dude. I still laugh thinking about him having the balls to not just rearrange and redecorate, but to up his game and decide to re-paint the 6th house's Living Room. Epic.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:10:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lube the toilet seat & bathroom floor with astro glide, and soak the toilet paper with your mouthwash. Fuck yo bowl movements
jwriv4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:10:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Watch the movie Amelie
grimenishi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:11:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap their grill and patio furniture with their neighbors.
smokeythel3ear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:11:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would constantly replace their remote control batteries with ones that were dead. They would change the batteries every day, but the remote would always be dead.
zoombazoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:11:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When my mom started to lose her mind she swore someone was breaking in and just moving things around. She moved about 5 times in 2-3 years til I said I am not moving you again. One of the places the people upstairs were too noisy...she lived on the top floor.
AngryMustacheSeals ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:11:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bring stuff into the house. Broken fridge. Shitty couch. Put groceries in their fridge, but from dumpster diving.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:11:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hack your devices and change the passwords so you have to go through and reset them.
th3_funguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:11:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I asked my mom what she would do. She said take all the labels off all the canned goods and put spices into sandwich bags.
denverender ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:11:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Game of thrones spoilers.
jaredwaywell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:11:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace there talcum powder with custard powder
UnderwaterPianos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:11:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I find a cookie pan thingie and piss on it, I put it on the freezer and let it freeze solid, then I put the frozen sheet of piss under a rug, under a couch, and in their dryer and let them melt. I'd imagine the people would go crazy trying to find where the source of the pissy smell is coming from.
ZenoCarlos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:11:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Glue all furniture to the ceiling.
Martnz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:12:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Draw eyes on the wall and ceiling with transparent glow-in-the-dark paint.
error9762 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:12:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move their furniture by 1 cm every day.
fr33andcl34r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:12:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rub habanero juice on all their sex toys.
While wearing gloves, of course. I don't want to regret having an itch near my eyes.
uncreativeusername31 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:12:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything two inches to the left except the couch so then they think someone moved their couch two inches.
DementedDru ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:12:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into blind people's houses and rearrange their furniture
blooylou ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:12:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ok so this is weird but I've actually done this for fun. Sort of
Back in high school a few friends and myself would go driving around the nicer parts of town and look for lawn ornaments; gnomes specifically. We would find a house with a ton of different lawn stuff and take one to a different house with lawn ornaments and swap one for another. I honestly don't know how this all started but it was our go to thing on a late night when we were bored.
We called it gnoming. Obviously gnomes were the best thing to get but not many people had them in their yards for some reason. More often than not we were transporting St. Francis of Asisi statuettes and geese around town
DOCTORE2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:12:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cook for them .. they'll more confused with this than if I stole something
Theonewholives2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:12:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Seal every door in the house minus the one I came through shut. Cover the floors with glue and then leave through the door I came in, and seal THAT shut.
redzimmer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:12:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange the wall hanging, move any and all keys to wherever some would last think to look, erase all autocomplete passwords on smartphones.
pixie_led ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:12:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Didn't I read a book like this once? Anyway I read a post where a guy said someone shifted everything in a room a few inches to the right or something like that, just enough to be disconcerting. I always thought that would be eerie.
CGSmith6 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:12:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lol this is like the r/madlads training page
Clambaked72 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:12:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all of their clothes inside out. That should make them a little later than usual.
natrapsmai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:12:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the gifts your SO has given you, and place them in the fireplace.
Danmarinja ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:12:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck the house up, one room at a time.
The front room has every single object tilted at about 10 degrees, by placing tiny objects under everything.
The kitchen has random objects glued to the ceiling. As many as possible.
The bedroom has invisible strings attached to a lot of objects so they look like they're floating.
The bathroom has random brown stripes painted on objects, like on the toilet, the sink and a long one inside the bath.
Nac82 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:12:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Poop in the toilet, don't flush, and leave the toilet seat up after. I then move their car keys to a different location and drink all of the milk.
PunkZdoc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:12:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kick down their closet door.
Cturner4545 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:12:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything in the house 6 inches to the right.
CreatedInSeconds ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:12:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I confuse and annoy my victims.
Slevin55 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:13:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the batteries out from TV remotes and phones, if they can, then hide them. Every day would be like an Easter egg hunt for your phones and entertainment.
The_Farting_Duck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:13:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shit in the milk.
nelmaven ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:13:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Store the sugar inside the fridge
Engineer32 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:13:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove the labels from all of their canned goods. Russian roulette every time they want soup. Or is it ravioli?
MrVandalous ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:13:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all Cinnamon with Cumin and all Cumin with Cinnamon.
As someone who accidentally used Cumin in French toast once. Don't. It was very obvious after it began to cook that something was wrong... so wrong.
e6dewhirst ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:13:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ok first, I'm gonna go in your bathroom and flip your toothbrushes upside down in the holder after filling the basin with orange juice.
Then I'm rearranging your silverware drawer. SPOONS WHERE SALAD FORKS GO, ARE YOU MAD!?
I'm taking a hypodermic needle and sucking the goo out of all your eggs and putting the perfect, empty shell back in the package and into the fridge.
I'm slicing the top rounded part off your deodorant so the stick looks new. You know full well you used that Speed Stick yesterday!
Finally, as you sleep, I'm going to hire out 6 little peoples and 3 sheepdogs to just pass out in your room. Then I'm hosing the whole joint down with AstroGlide and just filling your browser history with beastiality porn queries. Wake up to that, ASSHAT!
jasnxl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:13:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the wall hangings, (pictures, paintings), around randomly.
ubrtnk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:13:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Convert all their computers to Linux or Windows and then install an old version of Java.... I'm bad at this
thalialauren ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:13:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You could do what whoever broke into my house did and take nothing, move nothing, but shit in the toilet and don't flush, leaving your large brown friend for me to find when I come home from work to an empty house
stupidanswers4free ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:13:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unscrew all the light bulbs in the home just enough to so they wont work.
ManOfFlesh101 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:13:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reorganise their furniture.
nesrovlahb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:13:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Salt in the sugar bowl
thirstisr34l ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:13:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all their furniture identical to IKEA ones but unassembled.
Zackwetzel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:13:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was about 9, my cousin was babysitting the house across the street from me. Me and her took all the labels off all canned goods and mixed matched them.. Canned green beans?! More like canned yams!!! Muhahahahaha
VanityChance ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:13:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break in and just mess up the entire house and not steal a single thing.
redtaylor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:13:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal the TV remote.
Spencethegreat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:13:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go in once a week and rearrange the living room.
Steinberg1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:13:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Re-arrange all of their furniture then return a few weeks later with your cult and kill everyone. Super annoying.
kochemola ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:13:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break a window or kick in a door whatever got me in, then I'll mess up the place and leave. They'll be looking for what was stolen for a while when it was actually nothing. Plus they have to clean the place.
Overly_obviousanswer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:14:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change all the smoke detector batteries to mostly dead 9Vs so they all start beeping approximately the same time but not quite
FrozenMotion69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:14:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pour cress seeds everywhere and water them a bit, they'll all grow in the carpets
Icanus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:14:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Door handles are held together by little metal pins, I would remove those pins.
When you pull a door shut the handle falls of and you're stuck inside!
Tazzure ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:14:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One of the best things to do is if the person has a monitor with a brightness toggle on it, turn it all the way down to where the screen is black. Not sure how many monitors can go that low, but the ones in my middle school could and it would fuck with so many people it was hilarious. A way to make it even better is start it off with the computer unplugged so when they realize it isn't turning on because it isn't plugged in, they feel a short period of relief before they realize their monitor isn't displaying anything (or so they think).
JoeyTheGreek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:14:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lifesaver candies in all the shower heads.
xJHUBx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:14:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Face the toilet paper in the opposite direction.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:14:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ITT how to become a gremlin.
ExplosiveWatermelon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:14:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I put their ice-cream in the other part of the Refrigerator.
I take a piece from one of their board games and switch it with another piece from a different board game.
Every night, after they go to sleep, I change their channel to the food network, so anytime they turn it on first thing in the morning, it's the food network.
I rub off the expiration date on the milk cartons.
Last, but not least, I punch a tiny hole in the cushion of the couch with a pencil. Eventually, through stretching and poking and whatnot, that hole will be as large as a TV remote, and they will lose it in the same hole for years to come.
Sanity_Assasin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:14:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I brake into their house when they're not home, with no clothes but a small, revealing loin cloth, chest hair shaven into the shape of a heart. Then, I cover myself in brisket, steak, and similar meats, as well as a nice thick slathering of steak sauce. I also open the window nearest to the bed. After that, I lie seductively in their bed, awaiting their arrival. Regardless of their reaction, the moment they walk in I simply wink and jump out the open window. From that point on, every friday or saturday, whenever they leave the house, I break in and find a new hiding spot, waiting quietly until they find me. Whenever I'm found out, I rub a little meat seductively across my chest and make a quick escape. I'll just keep with it until the cops find out, and hopefully give them a similar surprise when they catch up to me.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:14:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
exchange the contents of closets and rooms,
pptw333 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:15:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch all the food in the fridge with the food in the freezer.
ZeKrazyKrakaKraken ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:15:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
unscrew all the light bulbs just enough, and upper deckers in all the toilets
FreshChilled ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:15:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sneak in, and pour out all the milk, except a little corner of the jug. Do this repeatedly, and also dump any spares they buy.
DoctorHuman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:15:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dress all their pets in business casual work clothes.
knoth3ad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:15:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I stay in a hotel I sometimes write notes in soap on the windows and mirrors. If the maids don't clean them between guests, their morning shower will fog up the glass and reveal a drawing or something like "I will eat your socks while you sleep", or "It loves the person".
Nantucketed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:15:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch the inputs on their TV so that when they switch the input they don't get what they meant to switch to
CrazyKirby97 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:15:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Always fuck up their orders, but never in a way where they could have gotten somebody else's order or something. It'll be odd, specific things like forgetting the ice in their drink, making a burger with no pickles, not salting their fries, etc. I'll call myself... the cheeseburglar.
cabooze94 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:15:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the caps off of EVERYTHING.
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:16:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
yet everything is the only thing you added caps to
Zer_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:16:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find neighbors with Adult ADHD and move random things around randomly.
Hi_MyNameIsJack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:16:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the furniture three inches to the left.
helplesslyselfish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:16:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal the chain in the toilet that lets it flush.
Chairboy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:16:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Aim their shower head outwards so it sprays the room when they turn it on. Also, set the diverter so it does so immediately when they turn the knob.
DougEChef ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:16:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take large shits in the kitty litter box. They'll think something is up with the cat.
ctrl-alt-acct ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:16:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
why hasn't anybody said "plug the drains and turn on all the faucets" yet?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:16:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take pictures with their toothbrushes stuck up your butt and mail them the pictures a month later.
elontril2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:16:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just steal their remote and wait until they get a new one. Then you just go by their window and switch channels.
McIntyre2K7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:16:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Duck tape them to chairs and then tell my 2 hour stand up consisting of nothing but dad jokes...
lazybrowser ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:16:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This actually happened to my parents a couple months back. Someone broke in, really they just used an unlocked back door. They ate half a container of ice cream and left it out on the counter. Then they proceeded to shit and clog their bathroom toilet. They attempted to clear it with the plunger, but gave up and bailed. Took nothing, laptops, tvs, jewelry all left behind.
Atomicaftermath ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:16:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Over several nights you break into their cars and slide the seat forward or back 1 notch.
I actually did this to a friend. It was funny watching him shuffle around every time he got in not knowing why
Hitlers_Gas_Bill ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:16:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the rotating platter out of their microwave. It's not a big deal but it's quite the inconvenience since finding a replacement is not easy.
KaraWolf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I might just finally buy a new microwave. Ours doesn't rotate for some reason. Orrr be too lazy and just leave it out and use it anyways.
FuriasRevenge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:17:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Suck the yolks out of all their eggs and replace them with liquid glass
dangerdime89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:17:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would move everything in their house slightly to the left.
No11223456 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:17:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all the fire alarms with low batteries so they constantly cherp and they have to keep replacing them.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:17:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Open all the cupboards and move all the dishes and cutlery onto the floor
xScudii ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:17:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Comeback every night and move the furniture 1 inch everyday, not enough for them to notice but it will completely mess with their navigation in the dark as they will keep stubbing their toes, thinking the furniture is further away.
1live4downvotes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:17:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break in every night and move their keys.
They put it in a change dish, bang it's now on the kitchen table.
Leave it on the kitchen table, bang it's now on the tv stand.
Leave it on the tv stand, bang it's now on the floor by the closet.
I will make sure you will never leave your house on time...always scrambling to find your keys...
Then once they get used to looking for their keys...it's time to move their wallet.
rockodss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:17:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Keep changing all the family pictures by some randoms.
sstacks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:17:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The first thing I do is call myself a burglar without actually burgling :P
ndefontenay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:17:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In the movie amelie, she does a whole lot of small things to her mean fresh vegetables seller.
Calamue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:17:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal bits from comedians.
WiF1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:17:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave a ripped piece of paper saying "I've stolen your". But don't actually steal anything.
kasWI ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:17:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave something. Like a toaster right next to the toaster they already have.
mynamedany ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:18:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Set their alarms for PM
unbalancedforce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:18:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would swap the cloths dryer and the refrigerator.
SeanSalmon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:18:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all of the light bulbs in their house with ones with a slightly lower wattage
no-name_james ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:18:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch the contents of the freezer and fridge.
goldstarstickergiver ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:18:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take a small car apart and rebuild it in their living room. (Pretty sure that's been done)
The other is attach all furniture to the ceiling.
iamthetrueczar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:18:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn off their fridge.
Nuff said
SilentJoe1986 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:18:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap all if their discs into wrong cases, swap the dust jackets on their hard covers, superglue the toilet seat up, unscrew their light bulbs just enough so they don't turn on, bypass all switches so they stay on. Spray a light coating of juice on their non carpeted floors, replace the toothpaste with a baking soda paste using a injector (still cleans teeth, no flavor) coat the door knobs in lube, I can keep going but I have things to do today.
sjdr92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:18:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would switch around the way the toilet roll hangs.
chocom6 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:18:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd move the furniture just a few inches so you'd bump into it but you wouldn't know what's wrong.
SideshowBobarino ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:18:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything 1 inch to the left or right.
BushDidSixtyNine11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:18:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Movie all the furniture an inch to the left
thenali ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:18:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I will leave a note saying "I was inside your home and you don't know me"
MuffinChaser ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:18:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Park their cars facing the other way, or across the street if it's street parking.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:18:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave extra milk in the fridge, and some bread on the side.
quickhakker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:19:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything an inch to the left or right
ryanhazethan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:19:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rather than stealing anything, slowly add items to their inventory.
Every few days, give them another appliance or electronic device that draws attention. They'll never see it coming
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:19:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I sprinkle some crack and get out of there
twoworldsin1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:19:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So basically this is Second Life.
f8al ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:19:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place bottlecaps on every small flat surface.
paradiselost79 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:19:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change their double or triple ply toilet paper for single ply.
OsirisPalko ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:19:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Me and a friend actually did this to another friend. We took all the remotes we could find (tv, DVD player, game console, stereo, I mean any remote), and threw them in the back of the freezer. His family hasn't forgiven us, and it's been years.
themackley ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:19:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Someone once broke into my house and left post it notes all down the hallway and in the kitchen with random bits of information, like 'Buy peanut butter' 'Put air in your tyres' 'Get pads for next week'. I panicked and called the police, who laughed.
DeltaBravo831 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:19:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything an inch to the left.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:19:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Repeat what they say in a delay of 1 second
The_Mura ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap the furniture in each room. I'd also cook all the breakfast food and leave them with an amazing breakfast.
random_monster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would move their smaller things around. That's one of the things that annoy me most around in my house and I sometimes question my sanity finding eg my keys in completely different place I left them.
They keep their most used shoes on top shelf of shoe rack ? I would move them to the bottom. They read a book before going to sleep ? Switch with some other book, or just move bookmark couple pages forward. Phone charger to the other side of the room. Move the toothbrash, swap things in a fridge...
SPACE_BSTRD_SAM ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take a shit behind the TV and put a French flag on a toothpick in it.
Is_totally_a_dick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's all about the little things honestly. The little things like switching the contents of shampoo bottles with semen or punching holes in their contraceptives. One cannot forget the classics though like replacing water with distilled vinegar or unscrewing the lids of the condiment containers. It's a different balance that most people aren't likely to get.
jostler57 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That scene from Amelie.
Supersize_You ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put everything upside down. I mean, everything.
djobird ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
steal everything in the house and put them back once they purchased them again.
UNPER50N ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal every deodorant in the house. Someone is gonna have a bad day
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Manson family used to do this. They'd break into people's houses, not steal anything but rearrange the furniture. They called it Creepy Crawlying.
theduderina ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Good old gas lighting, replace remote batterys with dead ones, rotate the milk jug in the fridge so the handle is on the back, leave the tv on a strange station (church show or the spanish channel), swap the hot water pipe with the cold under the sinks. I could go on for days
BadSniper210 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide all the keys.
SexbassMcSexington ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Probably too late, but taking a dump in the kitty litter tray always works
PillarTao ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We're the wet bandits! *stuffs rag in sink and turns on tap
hehateme429 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Strategically place picture of Richard Simmons EVERYWHERE. Hundreds of them in different sizes. The bottom of the sock drawere, halfway through the toilet paper roll (this one takes awhile), the bottom of the lawn mower seat, pocket of clothing that isn't in season, top of the ceiling fan, bottom of desk chair; etc. They will be finding Richard Simmons for YEARS!
aethericbeing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Enter wealthy homes and just leave a sign that says "Die fetten Jahre sind vorbei".
Maybe even move their furniture around a bit...
The sense of dread they will feel that someone is watching...that they cannot just steal from people as they like ... priceless !
misspeppperr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the furniture just a few inches from their original spots so the owners get confused when they move around the house and keep on bumping on stuff.
ScaleBear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Glue all the furniture to the ceiling. Lol.
qwertykitty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all furniture exactly 5 inches to the left. Stubbed toe time!
ILoveFrenchToast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd do their taxes wrong and file it for them...
MizzuzRupe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:21:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The East Area Rapist/ Golden State Killer probably did exactly some of these things before he got violent.
drunkenpriest ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:21:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Open the tops of their windows a little in the middle of the winter.
Turn the water on to outside spigots and hoses so they freeze.
Cut the gas lines to their lawnmower, snowblower, and rototiller.
Go into their office and take any legal papers that you don't like.
Have sex on their bed and leave lots of "evidence".
It would definitely drive someone nuts, it worked when my ex wife was doing it to me.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:21:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
X-Bow Mortar
coninem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:21:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal all the remotes. To everything.
King_under_the_hill ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:21:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
every so often i would sneak into a random room they go to a lot in teh middle of the night and empty an entire bucket of lego bricks on the floor. My number is 666, call me.
Kaladin2Hide ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:21:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Instead of of stealing, buy them random things and place them on the kitchen table every week. One day it could be a golf club, the next a sound link Bose portable speaker
metarugia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:21:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If they have LED bulbs, swap them with different temperature ones. What's that? You had warm white? Ha-ha! Suffer at the hands of cool white now!
SomethingSpecialMayb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:21:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shorten one leg of their chairs and their table by 2mm
IBangedYourMom69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:21:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i would add the rocks head to all their family photos
doom_Oo7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:21:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
invert the position of knifes and forks
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:21:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kick their door in and not take a thing
HighSorcerer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:21:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace their coffee with decaf.
zowzow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:22:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find every key in the house and hide them in the septic tank. Leave a letter next to their bed and a go pro next to the yard to watch. You'd be surprised how many people think they can retrieve things from a septic tanks themselves.
mattinfantino ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:22:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plant and spread catnip all over their yard. Stray cats from all over town will hang out in their yard all day.
Sutarmekeg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:22:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I put baking soda in the baking powder container, and vice versa.
hawkeyebomb1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:22:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Brew a pot of coffee so the smell wakes them up in the middle of the night.
deikan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:22:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
keep refilling their toothpaste or ketchup bottle.
spotsofred ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:22:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
make one step slightly shorter than the rest
Cyborg_rat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:22:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put open condom wrappers here and there.
_Nordic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:22:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rewire light switches so they have no idea what controls what.
Example: flip the switch in the kitchen, and it turns on the lights in the bedroom.
Scrooge_McFuck_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:22:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Heat a pile of potatoes in the microwave full blast
It doesn't really do anything bad, it's just mildly alarming finding a steaming pile of potatoes in your microwave
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:22:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unplug your power strips.
tL1ght ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:23:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the toilet paper just out of arms reach in the bathrooms.
golgorthewet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:23:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace the sugar bowl with salt, paint the dog's toenails, Giant bag of glitter in the air conditioner, LSD in the water filter.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:23:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pour small amounts of gasoline in the bedroom, Kitchen, and living room. Watch them freak out thinking they have a gas leak.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:23:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn batteries the wrong way in remotes, unplug everything, let in bugs, turn lights on during the day/when owner is out of the house.
SteamedUpJoe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:23:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would use their microwave and never clear the timer
Also squeeze all their toothpaste from the middle
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:23:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Charles Manson and his followers did this, they called it "creepy crawling"
tjmsp34 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:23:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all of the furniture a few inches left or right and change it up every week or so
Angelllllll ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:26:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm actually going to start doing this today hahaha
More_Ragtime ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:23:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make cardboard cutouts of a burglar silhouette similar to myself, and set them all up in a scene one night. Make a crash of loud sound in the night and hide among them.. once they have been exposed and the owner comes close enough i would boop them on the head and run away screaming like a baby. repeat in different and creative ways once every 10 days
mrsallymarie1982 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:23:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move their furniture 2" from its original locations and remove all batteries from gadgets in the house.
whatwereyouthinking ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:23:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was kid one of our friends went on vacation, we knew how to get into his house. His dad was a real asshole, yelled at us all the time, yelled at our parents, pretty sure he beat our friend too. So we, i mean my friends, went into the garage, turned on the headlights of his dad's car and rearranged a bunch of his tools.
When they got back, our friend said someone broke into his house, they left the lights on while they tried to hot wire his car, and stole a bunch of his tools.
Humulus_Lupulus1992 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:23:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Open can of tuna behind the heater.
ShaolinPunk13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:23:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide a dead fish somewhere in the house in the hope that it will take them days of wondering what that smell is until the bother to look for it. Then when they find it next to it will be a small potted cactus for them to nurture.
ToddtheRugerKid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:23:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put very strong and hard to pick locks on anything that opens.
MU_35 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the toilet paper from over to under.
Ermahgerd_Ernternert ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
PM_ME_UR_CHAIN ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip all of the light switches so that up is off and down is on.
PoopScootnBoogey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So then you're not a burglar, you're a trespasser.
KorsaDK ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I put tiny post-it notes on the tenants apartment, trying to get her to believe its her landlord leaving her creepy notes.. and after a while let reddit convince her she needs to see a doctor, in the end saving her from a deadly braintumor.
wonder_breed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shit in the toilet of course... AND DON'T FLUSH
Sicarius_3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide all the left shoes in the house
AgnosticTemplar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Piss in all the toilets and don't flush. I can't decide if this would be funnier if there's multiple people in the house, causing infighting, or to someone living on their own to make them think they keep getting up in the middle of the night to pee and can't remember.
Mensabender ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Relevant xkcd
b--nett ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change every picture and painting in the house. Make sure you keep the same frames as everything must be the exact same size, but put up a different family in every picture and change the paintings' style.
Truck_Thunders ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take a piece of living room furniture somewhere secluded, burn it, put it back where I found it.
captainstan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would replace one of the main windows (living room for instance) and have a black dot on either the outside or ideally in between panes.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd go in their pantry and eat all of their cookies and then place the empty container back like nothing happened.
SecretEasterbunny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal socks, but not in pairs, just one from each pair.
MtnManStan600 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put in a new window.
those_pistachios ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into the house when they are out and move everything 10 inches to the right.
WolfInsideACart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Obviously, I would leave Lego blocks ALL over the floor.
cowman38 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd turn all of their pillow cases inside out and each article of clothing in their drawers inside out. Just because it annoys the shit out of me to have to turn clothes right side out when im folding them after drying.
BrockRockswell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, I do this all the time. I steel remove socks from the dryer.
Iggyhopper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sprinkle water on all their mirrors.
Liter_Of_Kola ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would change the time on every device they own in the house by 10 minuets.
nefeli_zeroregrets ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i would just steal condoms
MGRaiden97 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn random objects around the house upside down
notibutme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
THE KEY MISPLACER STRIKES AGAIN!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take one of every sock and hide it under the dryer where all the lost socks go.
Nappy0227 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of the Janitor in Scrubs. He said he would just sneak into JD's apartment sometimes and move stuff around or cut his hair and stuff.
Spusk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Get their cell phone number, then call them over and over again, while simultaneously ringing their door bell and hiding so they keep having to move in between the two.
xanhast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Call myself a burglar
TanClark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put sand in their bed sheets
Antares-8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
lock out all the porn channels on their TV!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:26:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wet bandits anyone?
abductedkitty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:26:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the furniture 5 inches to the left
CitizenKing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:26:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip every toilet roll.
jess11202000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:26:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all their furniture slightly. Come back monthly and take a single spoon from their drawer until they slowly run out. Slightly disconnect their phone charger so it doesn't charge at night. Lock all the doors in their house, like the bathrooms and bedrooms, and take the keys. Hide their TV remote in another room. Replace all their diet products (Stevia, soda, etc) with non diet ones, and watch as they slowly gain weight.
ThePersianTreasurer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:26:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would file away like half a centimeter from one of their stair steps.
goumie_gumi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:27:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would write in big black permanent marker on their mirrors "HELLO". Come back perhaps 2-3 weeks later once they may have had it removed somehow and write on a small bit of toilet paper "HELLO". Come back 1-2 weeks later and turn on their T.V volume to the highest and leave it on a static channel so that the static noise is unbearable. After a few days just start leaving little unexplainable post it notes around their house , for example "Remember to stop the wanderer" or "Careful" They may need some medical assistance after this lmao
OceanColourPants ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:27:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap the knives, forks and spoons around.
booyahcubes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:27:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put a jar of peanut butter in the bathroom sink and write BRAD on the mirror with lipstick
macblastoff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:27:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch the toothbrush in the bathroom with the nasty one under the sink used to clean tile grout.
shrillingchicken ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:27:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Zippy would upgrade people's attic insulation.
awd3495 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:27:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch their pillows from one set of pillow cases to another.
kmosieur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:27:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all of their toilet paper rolls upside down
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:27:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove all of the bristles from their toothbrushes.
Sekoshiba ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:27:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all toothbrushes with an equal number of the same type of toothbrushes...but different colours.
Add a pet. Bonus points if they have a male and female pet, and the one you add looks like offspring.
Replace shampoo with other shampoo specifically made for a hair-colour they are not. It wouldn't do anything, but it'd feel sub-optimal as hell.
Add a person to all the family photos. Just some random person, maybe someone that looks like they could be a forgotten family member.
Put up fake medals for wars that never happened.
Re-decorate a single room '60-minute makeover' style.
Add edited photos of vacations that never happened, but maybe only like one or two photos at first. Ramp up over subsequent break-ins.
cod_x ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:27:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Now I know how did the script of "funny games" came to be
djtopgun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:27:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fill up their gas tank. It might take a few days but it'll confuse the shit out of them.
avilaAviation ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:27:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm extremely late to the party. But cut the shower curtain waist high so when he/she's using it someone can see their junk.
Dollaz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:27:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to break into a friends house and rearrange his furniture. Like totally flip everything around even switch around the bedrooms furniture. My other friends would help me sometimes. He finally got wind of who was doing it so I stopped before getting caught in the act. It was funny because he though he was losing his mind for a few weeks.
RetroSpock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:27:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place random keys in their drawers so they forever wonder what they open.
Take-My-Gold ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:27:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all shoes with a smaller size
Bonus: change angle of all mirrors so that they look taller
protocliff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:28:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn around the toilet paper so that it faces the wrong way
totalnsanity ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:31:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You monster!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:28:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove all the batteries in their remotes and replace them with shitty, half-dead batteries.
RogerDeanVenture ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:28:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd just leave the tree out and decide that this is my life now.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:28:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch the bins they keep their lemons and oranges in.
Colour blind jokes are the best jokes.
monkkbfr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:28:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
reminds me of this story:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%22Repent,_Harlequin!%22_Said_the_Ticktockman
Socksmaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:28:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave a note on the inside of the house that simply says "I'm coming back"...
Moontooth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:28:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If they have a utensils drawer, or similiar, switch where each utensil is. ie. Switch the forks and spoons, etc.
cimeryd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:28:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd repeatedly break in over the course of half a year and swap the spot for spoons and forks in the cutlery drawer.
angelwingsdarling ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:28:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make their bed and clean up there room.
eeemile ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:28:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There is an excellent movie about exactly this. 'bin-jip'. Watch it guys.
Pseuzq ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:28:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"WHAT'S IN THE BOXXX!!??"
(Surely I wasn't the only one hoping OP would include a human head.)
Cap_gaming ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Write in a piece of paper and it will say. "I saw you when you slept"
Cap_gaming ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Write in a piece of paper and it will say. "I saw you when you slept"
Gorthebon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put eggs and all the fruit in their freezor
Dragonfire45 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Completely switch the furniture in two different bedrooms.
pgh9fan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swithc the hot and cold water lines.
TheChamp1996 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put all of their clothes inside out, even the ones they're wearing
snoobiez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldn't steal any electronics or small appliances, I'd just steal all the power cords.
ricdesi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip their toilet paper around.
Chrisgpresents ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dane Cook B&E? I'm not talkin' about a bacon and eggs sandwich
pooperdooper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put all the Toilet paper backwards
youallsuck6 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the furniture in their house exactly 3.5 inches to the left
MizzuzRupe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This one is a long plan: first, break in and just move stuff around ever so slightly. Break in a few more times and be more obvious about moving stuff around, slowly being more obvious. Then completely rearrange their kitchen and bathroom. Put the glasses in the cabinet furthest from the sink. Put the plates beneath the sink and the cleaning supplies in their place. Hide small objects in the refrigerator.
Crz333 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hmm, 2 ideas: first, go into a room and turn every prop upside down, like books, printers, cups and vases (but not entire shelves cuz that's too much effort, or tvs and pcs they're sacred) Second, go to another room with a lot of sealing tape, and or bubble wrap, this time cover everything in bubble wrap or tape. If you do tape you can afford to tape multiple things together e.g. all books on a shelf, with bubblewrap you need to wrap everything individually e.g. every spoon/fork/knife on their own wrap. Annoying and confusing enough? What improvements would you do?
JarasM ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I sell encyclopedias.
HKBloo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I put the toilet paper backwards.
jackjole ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:30:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would build a brick wall behind their front door. Surprise!
BMGPmusicisbad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:30:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You should release half a dozen garter snakes.
Liverabuser ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:30:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Squeeze all of the toothpaste down the drain.
ImmaDoMahThing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:30:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unroll all of their paper towels and toilet paper
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:30:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove all the tissues in the tissue box except for 1 and position it to make it look like the box is full
t_l_v ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:30:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change all the sheets on their beds. Replace them with bright pink sheets with My Little Pony printed on it.
5ka5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:30:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There is a german movie named "The Edukators" that is about this exactly: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=okBFWF0P0pM
R0rschach1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:30:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take a shit in their freezer.
VectorLightning ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:30:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stealth carpentry.
bassham ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:31:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the batteries out of the tv remote
Antares-8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:31:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
tilt all the pictures on the walls by 5 degrees and superglue them so they can't be moved
cbpantskiller ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:31:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dump out all of the milk and juice containers and then put them back in the fridge.
FiskN ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:31:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
http://www.radiofacts.com/male-dj-arrested-for-giving-blowjobs-to-unsuspecting-men/
LearnToGrammar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:31:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Get a bunch of tiny screws and randomly put them places like in desks, next to their desktops, by shelves, etc.
Aging_Shower ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:31:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I move the milk to an other part of the fridge. It may start an argument on why someone keeps putting the milk where it isn't supposed to be.
Ilubalu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:31:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
stupid white people thoughts
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:31:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unplug everything in their house.
rahtin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:31:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/targetedindividuals
Colt_XLV ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:31:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pretend Im Macaulay Culkin and pretend the homeowners are burglers, then boobytrap the house like Home Alone
Pyrophagist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:32:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take everything off of the bathroom sink and out of the medicine cabinets and put it in the dryer. Drop a deuce on a plate and put it in the microwave and turn it on for 15 minutes.
RonBeastly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:32:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip over the toilet paper roll every night. Rolling over? Well now you're doing it the right way by rolling under
11hitcombo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:32:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move the can opener to a different drawer.
RadioactiveMonkie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:32:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My sister may have been a victim of someone like this. The other day, I went to drop something in her mailbox cause no one was home. The front door was wide open. We cautiously entered and the back door was open too. Nothing was stolen or even out of place. It was so strange.
relic1317 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:32:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all furniture to face the wall (couch, chairs, desks, etc) and flip the cushions over so the zipper sticks out. That'll get em.
quadradream ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:32:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place photos of disliked politicians throughout their house. Photo framed and all!
DIDiMISSsomethin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:32:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Glue one edge of the toilet paper so it rips lengthwise as it unrolls.
Cranges-McBasketball ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:32:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the TiVo auto records to the exact opposite of what they record.
Game of Thrones becomes The Voice
FishDawgX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:32:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Block the kitchen sink drain and leave the water running.
usrevenge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:32:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ductape everything.
remote? taped
doorknobs? taped
milk? taped
individual spaghetti noodles? taped
akagoldfish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:32:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Upper decker the toilets
Businuss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:32:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide troll dolls in random places. Repeat every week or so for months on end.
goarn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:33:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch the coffee with a decaf.
zimtrovert94 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:33:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Drink milk straight out of the carton and leave it out without closing the top.
doctorsixxx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:33:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Slightly move everything single piece of furniture out of place
FishDawgX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:33:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Carefully swap the contents of two adjacent dresser drawers.
Yokies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:33:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Am I the only who missed reading the second "things" in that title 3 times before I could figure out the sentence?
crackpipeclay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:33:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kill every other child in their beds
yoguy2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:33:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Scout out which cupboards would not be used frequently. Then break up a doll in its limbs, head and torso. Then hide a limb in each cupboard, one arm holding a knife. Then put the head in their bedroom, in a corner only visible whilst in bed. Put red food colouring running from its eyes.
FishDawgX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:33:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Disable all toilets.
Carlofx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:33:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do a break and enter and purposely get caught only I'll be dressed as the hamburgular
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:34:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
leave the front door, hallway door, and backdoor wide open while going straight past a bunch of valuable items...literally just happened to me and I don't know how to feel
SatansWaffles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:34:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the furniture in the house over two or three inches so they stub the shit out of their feet.
shadow0lf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:34:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide the remote
glerk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:34:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal everything and replace it with an exact replica.
FuckinWalkinParadox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:34:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
set every clock in the house to show a different time.
alternatively, just set every clock back exactly one hour.
Pickled_Ramaker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:34:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide the remote where they will never find it.
dursp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:34:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move every single thing in the house just a touch. They don't know if they are going crazy or if someone was there and is messing with them.
MrNiggels ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:34:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would unhook the chain connected to the little plunger inside every toliet so non of the toilets would flush.
In_search_of_Her ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:34:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put mayonnaise, everywhere.
FishDawgX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:34:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reverse the direction of the clothes on all hangers.
Brainlessdad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:34:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change/rewrire what light switch controlled which light.
Hang bells under the bed
doublethaddius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:34:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal all the batteries In every one of their electronic devices.
Chief_Tallbong ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:34:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lava lamps. Lava lamps EVERYWHERE.
careaboutit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:34:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the rubber ends on their tension shower curtain rods out so it won't stay in the wall
Taluvill ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:34:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kick in their doors and not take anything. Good old B&E style
edit-boy-zero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:34:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
bring them things
like different lamps and dishes and stuff
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:34:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I know the rules say no stealing, but how about just taking all of someone's forks?
MG_72 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:35:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal every left shoe and lampshade.
killer3james ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:35:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like a ghost more than a burgler
jpdunks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:35:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Peel all the labels off of their canned foods
watcherintgeweb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:35:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Saran Wrap over all the toilet seats, so when they go to pee it sprays everywhere
theJAYmaniskraykray ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:35:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace the batteries in their smoke detectors with almost dead batteries.
wamco ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:35:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Invert all the light switches
Nilkop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:35:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My old roommates used to go to one of their older sisters house and leave bottle caps in random places. They told me they would go in the kitchen and hide them in a bag of rice, in the bottom of a box of cereal, in a first aid kit.
I could only imagine how confusing it would be to be pouring out some morning cereal and a cap to a beer you've never drank before plinks into your bowl.
KittyLuna ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:35:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave stupid things like sponges or random newspaper articles under their bedroom pillows.
AudioMutant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:35:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I personally move all their chairs up on to their tables.
bryanricker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:35:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put socks in the sink and turn the water on before I leave. I call me and my burglar buddy "The Wet Bandits" but he thinks it's stupid.
zaxmaximum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:35:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reverse the layout of every room, for adjacent bedrooms swap rooms. Install Windows 10 on all possible devices.
BakinandBacon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:35:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Literally anything that the girl in the movie Amelie does
MrAl290 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:35:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ask Dane Cook
TheHamCaptain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:35:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Superglue sliced ham to all of the glass in the house.
Put washing up liquid in the kettle.
Hollow out all of the large fruits (melons etc) using toothpick surgery methods and replace all of the seeds with paperclips.
FishDawgX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:35:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide a stinking dead rat somewhere in the house.
Dumpythewhale ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:35:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kill their entire family except for them. Lol how confusing would that be right?
kappaomicron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:36:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide your keys, your TV remotes and pair all of your socks oddly.
OZL01 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:36:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the furniture a few inches. Not enough that they'll notice but enough so that they're always bumping into things.
AntonioGarcia_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:36:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
move and hide the wifi router every night so it's not easy to find but it's not hard either
Fudgiee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:36:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Paint their walls
Mythandros ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:36:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Re-arrange furniture. Change alarm times. Change time settings on all clocks and devices. Delete PVR'd programs. Change what's going to record to all country music shows. Do the laundry and hang it to dry in strange places throughout the house.
NSA_Chatbot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:36:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put concentrated liquid dish soap in the rinse-aid dispenser.
JennaZant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:36:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd rotate everything in the house 55 degrees left.
tengeriallati ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:36:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove their bathroom doors, and replace them with glass ones
pablosanchez24 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:36:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all of the backs off of the earnings. Flip the batteries upside down in the remotes. Leave the cereal boxes open. Leave one dirty plate in the sink. Unplug the cable box in the living room and unplug the microwave. Change the deadbolt lock to the front door. Fill out a change of address form with their neighbors...๐๐๐
Mage42384 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:36:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move every piece of furniture 1-2" to the left. Enough to not visibly notice, but enough to throw you off. End up walking into everything
chris92253 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:36:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
tighten the chain on there toilet flapper. Break in every night and retighten it so it is constantly making that sucking sound.
DVWhat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:36:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break their spaghetti in half.
Replace all chocolate products in the house with equal amounts of carob products.
Trash the place, and then leave a couple of pulverized, barely conscious Joe Pescis and Daniel Sterns laying around.
Hello_Mr_Fancypants ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:36:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all the toiletries in their bathroom with nearly empty containers of different brands of the same product. So replace their Aquafresh toothpaste with a nearly empty tube of Colgate and etcetera.
alkonium ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:36:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move things to odd places, like putting the salt and pepper shakers in the bathroom.
Unnamed55 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:36:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kick down their door, then leave. Wait a week, and do it again.
LoriRenae ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:37:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take one of their doors down and reverse it's opening direction. Spackle over the old hinge holes so it looks like it was always that way.
chapterpt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:37:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find the guy who is ocd, and rearrange all his things.
lazermaniac ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:37:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go into their sock drawer.
Cut the toe section off of every sock.
Sew the toe sections together.
Sew the tube sections together.
Re-crumple the socks and deposit them into the drawer.
Alternatively, buy a jar of creamy peanut butter, and a packet of popcorn kernels. Crush the kernels up some, then mix them into the peanut butter. Relabel as chunky peanut butter.
dewgreen14 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:37:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Disable the hot water lol
tomparker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:37:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Three chicken bouillon cubes inside each shower head.
bdoe33087 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:37:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Find where Redditors live & leave post it notes around so the believe they could have a Carbon Monoxide poisoning
Nyarlah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:37:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Many good ideas in Amรฉlie Poulain
To list a few:
fourfingerfilms ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:37:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace the coffee sugar with salt.
therealtedpro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:37:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, just move everything in their house to the left just a couple inches, really throw them off.
cursedbranches ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:37:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything in the house inch or two to the left. It's not really noticeable, but it fucks with the habitual patterns of movement. Many toes will be stubbed.
justinbabu97 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:37:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the furniture an inch to the left so it's not noticeable so they'll start randomly bumping into things.
AndrewBeckner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:37:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move every thing in the house 6 inches to the left.
FishDawgX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:37:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fill the toothpaste tube with hemorrhoid cream.
MadHatter31415 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:37:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pl
mcmanybucks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:37:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stand naked, doing sudoku puzzles with an Obama mask on.
DrMaxwellSheppard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:37:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all their family photos out of their frames and glue googly eyes to them, then put them back in the frames.
NoCountryForOldPete ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:37:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Get a whole bunch of medium sized, non-descript ceramic jars, and a big ol' sack of portland cement. Fill the jars with the cement, then seal the lid shut with a whole bunch of individual strips of masking tape. Have my buddy write some Chinese characters out on each strip, which when translated say "Danger! Curse Within! Do not open!" and maybe a date somewhere around 800 years ago or so. Boom. Ancient Cursed Urn.
I place dozens of these jars in non-obvious locations. They'll probably rapidly find most of them, but as the weeks and months drag on, they'll continue to randomly find additional urns. In a seldom used cabinet in the garage, in the basement behind the washing machine, the cupboard above the microwave, etc. They'll never be 100% sure if they've ever found all of them. If they had someone watch the house while they were on vacation, they'd have to say "Hey, so...it probably won't happen, but you might find what appears to be an Urn? If you do, don't worry about it, it's a thing that we've been dealing with. For a while."
I'd assume a rational person would determine fairly quickly that the "remains" inside were not real, and then would just be continuously annoyed that some asshole planted dozens of fake cursed urns around their house.
jolynnco ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:38:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move furniture around
MCGtr1ck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:38:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn of all of their air conditioning open all their faucets
Jayedw3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:38:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace their shit with better shit. Cars computers phones guns. All the valuables make more valuable.
Confusing as shit.
bigedthebad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:38:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shave their cats...
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:15:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Only pussy you'll ever get?
illegitiMitch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:38:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sneak into their backyard and drain about an inch of water out of their pool every night (I'm convinced this person actually exist).
patrikthepirate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:38:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rewire one light switch backwards, so on is off and vice versa.
GeocentricSpectacle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:38:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I cut every single window screen just the tiniest bit along-side the edges so it's not noticeable, then I crack the windows from the top ever so slightly so mosquitoes and bugs of the sort can easily make their way through the slivers of each maimed window and up into the house of my victim. Then during the day time, cicadas and smaller bugs and flies will be able to find their way in as well when the windows are open allowing in that summer breeze.
BobisBadAss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:38:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave a large box of donuts on their counter. Sneak in the next night and replace all the remaining donuts they haven't yet eaten with the same number of donut holes. Replace the donut holes again the following night with donuts. Do this until they are out of donuts/donut holes.
AlyoshaKaramazov1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:38:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This question reminds me of the German movie "The Edukators." It's about these three young anti-capitalists who break into rich peoples' homes and rearrange all their stuff in bizarre ways, leaving notes that say things like "The years of plenty are over" and "You have too much money." Of course other things happen to complicate the plot.
FishDawgX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:38:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tilt all pictures hanging on the wall by 5 degrees.
TerryTibbsTalkToMe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:39:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave an Ocelot in the spare room.
Chuckilla83 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:39:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Throw a complete stranger a surprise party, in their house with people they don't know
CyanLights ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:39:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace everything with an exact replica.
JustARealTreat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:39:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have a friend whose tidiness/fussiness/sense of order earns him a lot of shit from his friends. When he throws a party, I tilt all of his paintings, mirrors and wall art. As he walks around fixing them, I follow behind re-tilting them. This would be a proper annoyance burgle for the right kind of mark.
Elehhhhna ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:39:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rehang all art, photos, etc. Upside down.
VectorLightning ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:39:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Spraypaint moss.
Momochichi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:39:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in high school, our house was broken into, while we slept. The only thing that was taken was my flimsy metal lock box, which was in my room. Thing is, the only things I kept in that box were sappy sentimental shit.
When we opened the front door, we found the contents of my box strewn all over the porch: my diary, letters to girls I liked but never gave them, drawings of classmates I crushed on, shit like that. And then, at the end of the porch, an actual piece of shit. Human shit, on our porch, beside the broken lock box.
Somebody got pissed that he made off with nothing.
FrancisCastiglione12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:40:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move their pancreas a half inch to the left every day.
Johnsmitish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:40:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I know this. Instead of taking anything you leave random objects in their house, things that they never would buy for themselves. Like a twelve pack of supersoakers or a capuchin monkey.
Blondeninja ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:40:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This relevant xkcd would be a perfect thing to do.
capbozo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:40:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave a calling card. One where you can even dial New Zealand for less than 10 cents a minute.
GeoffFM ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:40:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move every picture frame on the walls so that they're off-center. Works especially well if the victim has OCD.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:40:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If I'm not stealing things, I'm not a burglar.
TeaPartyInTheGarden ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:40:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would subtly rearrange everyday items in their kitchen and bathroom:
Swap things within drawers and cupboards, like the knives and forks, the big plates and little plates, the glasses and mugs.
Move things to different, but nearby, spots such as the tea towels up or down one drawer, toothpaste to the other side of the sink, deodorant etc to a different shelf.
Almost empty top-up items like paper towels, toilet paper, or cotton balls. Leave just enough for one more use.
Return every couple of days and re-move anything they've fixed.
DoinkMeSilly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:40:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sit on top of their dresser staring at them.
gefasel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:40:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Set up old VHS players on every TV and play Zinedine Zidanes Greatest World Cup Moments 1998-2006. With the volume on full whack so it wakes everyone up.
ZumbaFitness ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:40:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mess with the thermostat
A couple degrees lower or higher depending on the season
VladmirShootin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:40:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave doors open, leave all the skinks dripping, leave things behind, kill their firstborn child, make a smoothie.
MarmaladePal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:40:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
move everything in their house two inches to the left
TrevorBradley ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:40:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I carefully research my victims, trying to find their most wanted desires, and leave that item in their home.
I hone my craft until it's impossible to determine how the house was broken into. Then I only target skeptics and atheists, who will be baffled as to both how and why this miracle happened.
argon_infiltrator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:41:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch the toilet paper the other way around in the toilet.
JavelinD ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:44:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
YOU MONSTER
SlaxerMelon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:42:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tie peoples shoe laces together
pc14 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:42:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Act like Dale and Brennan from Step Brothers while sleep walking
TripMonster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:42:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Empty their toilet paper, milk and mess up their bed a little.
theawesomeico ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:42:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Break the door down then run away without taking anything.
runhaterand ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:42:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sneak into their bedroom while they're sleeping and write REDRUM on the wall in lipstick. Then, write it on their bathroom mirror in Chapstick so it only appears after they get out of the shower. Finally, rig a recording of the kid from The Shining so it starts playing in the middle of the night.
vampiremonkeykiller ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:42:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch all the hot/colds on every faucet.
cakeistite ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:42:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do their taxes for them
mikerichh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:42:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jizz everywhere
toms9248 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:42:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put all the furniture on the opposite side of the room
AdolfTrumpler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:42:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would go to all of the electronics and remove the "warranty void if removed" stickers. Then I would unplug there refrigerator when they go to sleep, then leave the door open all night, then in the morning I would close the fridge and plug it back in. Then I would scratch my balls with every spoon and put them back in the drawer. Then I would go into there DVR and remove key episodes from the recording schedules. Then I will set 20 season passes to infomercials. And finally before I leave I'll program a bunch of guys contacts into the wife's phone and occasionally text her dick pics when I know she's with her husband.
penny-wise ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:42:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave the refrigerator and freezer doors open.
TheFeesher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:42:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Set their alarm about 15 minutes late, so they feel rushed the next morning. Then I'd pull fuel pump fuse on their car. Leaving them to have to call for a ride, but the problem there is I took their phone off of the charger and was on reddit all night.
bluemaciz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:42:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would rearrange all the stuff in their cabinets and drawers.
Followlost ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:43:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I open the shower curtain when I find it closed and close it when I find it open. I open the front door whenever I can. I move car keys. I hide socks taken from inside the drier. I turn the volume on the family stereo to max for when they go to turn it on next. I leave the stove on each time I am through boiling the cherished family pet.
rochford77 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:43:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kick the door in, take nothing. They will wonder what was taken and it will bother them forever.
I took this from Dane Cook, who likely took it from someone else
GameofCHAT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:43:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would change the locks and leave a map on how to find the key
thewongguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:43:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange furniture... Unplug ALL THE WIRES. To their entertainment system... Turn off the refrigerator ...
Civilwarguy01 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:43:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal their things then bring them back 2 days later
Drawtaru ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:43:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal everyone's left shoe.
lefthandscrewdriver ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:43:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the password on the WIFI
MankindRedefined ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:43:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the furniture over 5 inches. Their feet will be hurting
SmartLlama ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:44:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Peel all of the labels off of their canned goods - non-perishable roulette!
xmilar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:44:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pull of a old fashioned upper decker. Shit in the water tank of the toilet. Everytime you flush small shit particles will float into the mian bowl confusing the victims.
MisterSambone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:44:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The same things I do now.
dabenor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:44:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip their toilet paper rolls.
OG_GAMERTAG ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:44:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make some Buffalo Chicken wings
MadamHoodlum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:44:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Zip tie every cabinet, drawer, and door in the house shut, with the scissors inside the drawers.
hifeyokidshideyowifi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:44:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take a nice Taco Bell shit and don't flush. Also bake oatmeal cookies.
Rennietablet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:44:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap the M and N letters on their keyboards.
esco123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:44:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap the adult toothbrushes for same colour kids toothbrushes .
And vice versa for the kids touthbrushes
katikaboom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:44:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i once "broke in" to a friend's apartment (his lock didn't work correctly, so we all kind of came and went as we pleased. luckily he's an extrovert). When we got in his apartment he wasn't there, so we left him a note on a post it. and then we smoked a bowl, and left more notes on post its. pretty soon his entire apartment was covered in post its and everything was labeled, even the cans of soup in his cabinets.
it was a good day.
SpinningNipples ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:44:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all their furniture slightly so they can perceive something is weird without being able to tell.
Tupilaqadin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:44:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
laundry
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:44:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put a large rock in the cereal box.
zoro_the_copy_ninja ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:45:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's a relevant XKCD for this let me find it. Edit: https://xkcd.com/666/
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:45:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal batteries out of things like remote controls.
KyusoMenethil ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:45:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Eat all the ravioli cans
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:46:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
but just the cans, leave the insides on the table
echoesreach ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:45:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd leave sticky notes everywhere to convince the occupant to get a Co2 detector
Plosuf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:45:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the arrangement of things in their kitchen cupboards. Swap plates with glasses, bowls with mugs, etc. This is also great fun to actually do at parties while the host is occupied somewhere else!
GarrusTH3Sniper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:45:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would tape a piece of paper over the bottom of all the mouse laser holes in the house :7 Oldie but goldie
Wampxz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:45:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
put a tape on their mouse so that it won't move the cursor
rochford77 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:46:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put the cellphone of my worst enemy under their bed. They will think their wife is cheating and go kill my worst enemy.
SneakyBadAss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:46:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Especially to redditors
Leave 2 yellow post notes each day with:
"Make sure to save your documents."
"Our landlord isn't letting me talk to you, but it's important we do"
Then third day delete their files in Webcam folder
And last day leave post notes with nothing written on it with varying colors around the house.
BoBtheMule ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:46:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reading this to find out of my visitor posts... Twice now I've had someone enter my home, turn on all the lights, let the dogs out of their kennels (then close the doors to the kennels) and not take one thing out of the house.
firedropx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:46:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
draw smiley faces in ketchup on their refrigerator and maybe a wall if i'm feeling particularly sinister.. maybe break a few eggs on their floor
damattmissile ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:46:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange some of their furniture and turn the thermostat way down.
samygiy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:46:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal their house.
dragonbabyzzz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:46:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break off red lipstick in their clothes dryer.
daboonie9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:46:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
leave the faucets running
dabu222 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:46:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch their salt and sugar jars, shakers, everything.
El_Tash ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:47:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Install Windows 10 on all their computers.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:47:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace their furniture with the same exact furniture in the same exact locations. That'll show em.
beaviscow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:47:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd remove the shoelaces from every shoe I could find.
Exception_13_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:47:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
there's actually a movie plot starting with such activities, the edukators, original title "die fetten Jahre sind vorbei". edit: quote "are breaking into luxurious mansions at night. Instead of stealing or vandalizing, though, they carefully and ornately rearrange furniture and valulables and leave obscure messages. "
SebasteanAvondale ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:47:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take a dump under their pillow? Poop seems to be a good go to prank.
MonotoneHawk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:47:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Throw legos on the floor, hang up pics of space sloth, and put their alphabetized dvds out of order.
mk2004lc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:47:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Clap in people's faces perpetually
jujupowerlol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:48:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd steal all their toilet paper and when they find out it will be too late :)
AMZ88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:48:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Re-Install all of the grounded outlets upside down.
Match0311 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:48:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Empty all the ice cube trays and then put them back into the freezer without filling them back up.
zacyzacy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:48:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Give them extra TV remotes that don't do anything.
WAWDoing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:48:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've done this! Well, not break in but I did screw with my friend and his wife when I was house sitting for them. I bought FIVE blowup dolls that I positioned in his house "living a life" like eating cereal or going to the bathroom. I labeled them:
1 of 6
2 of 6
4 of 6
5 of 6
6 of 6
He eventually had to call me to find out where the mysterious "third" one was after looking for an hour!
HeelTheBern ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:48:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all female pants with replicas one size smaller. Replace bras with one size bigger.
Replace all male underwear with tighty-whiteys and banana-hammocks.
gulloh_nicolo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:48:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
make a hole in all of their condoms, then write on a post-it: "Jesus loves you"
AlesioRFM ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:48:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave 100.000 dollars of prop money in their safe
EristicTrick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:48:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove all of their possessions and replace them with exact replicas.
dabenor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:48:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make all of their towels somewhat wet.
trojanknight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:48:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would take one of all their socks and hid them in a bag labeled "Socks I have stolen" and hide it behind the washing machine. One day they will find it and always suspect their washing machine is a thief
RabSimpson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:48:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OZw2tkgw__g
SpaceCats3000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:48:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Poop in the top of the toilet
SheepGoesBaaaa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This one we actually did:
Fill every cubic centimetre of their room with empty cardboard boxes. Floor to ceiling, wall to wall.
Took 4 trips in an estate to the supermarket to get their empty boxes, and 5 hours of 3 people reconstructing the boxes and stacking them
Danieldylan1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Two words: GLITTER BOMB!
Mauschari ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I switch all the contents in a drawer or cabinet with the contents from another drawer or cabinet.
Mr_Acquiesce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Knock on the door and run away.
Always a classic.
cfpom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Then I'm not a burglar, I'm just an asshole...
h4wkeyepierce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kick a few doors in.
Amanoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I leave yaoi hentai magazines throughout their house. It may not annoy everyone (depending on sexuality and weabooness) but I'm fairly sure the majority of people won't be too happy.
I'll definitely make sure that /u/Sandvikovich will still find some magazines years later.
tribblemethis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide the remote in the pantry.
hiakuryu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal the spring loaded bar in all the toilet roll dispensers.
Or take one shoe from every pair of shoes.
WeberWK ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wrap the toaster and leave it under the Christmas tree.
lolecko ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:50:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
First of all, you get a hold of a million dollars and place it on their dinner table. You take a photo of it and print out the photo. Stick the photo to their refrigerator along with a note that says "The money is hidden some where inside your house. Find it and it's yours." Then you remove the money from the house and watch as the owners tear their house apart
pheonix727 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:50:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the furniture slightly from their original positions, so the victims keep bumping into everything
betamale3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:50:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pair all socks with odd ones. If husband, wife and children all have separate draws, be sure to pair them all with each other's socks. Also put all but one teaspoon in the bin.
venlaren ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:48:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
you are a MONSTER
CR171C4LH17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:50:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would take all their pillows and build a fort around the dining room.
vaswhoolgrower ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:50:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Scout out a single person home and flip the toilet paper the other way.
lardmanpo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:50:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Always leave the water running
Lostsonofpluto ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:50:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make every framed picture in their house slightly crooked
voi26 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:51:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One morning I woke up and one of my socks were on the other side of the room from all of my other clothes. I still don't know how the hell that happened, so I would do that to people.
Skadoosh_it ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:51:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch the sugar and salt.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:51:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd swap all the spoons with forks, the forks with spoons, flip the knives to the opposite side, change the last channel they were on, face the car the other way, and if I'm lucky rearrange their living room once every month or two.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:51:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange the furniture, if you are sneaky enough you can just sneak in multiple times and move things one at a time until it becomes obvious.
Agoraphobic_Nomad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:51:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're not a burglar at that point, you're a Gremlin
SmileyB-Doctor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:51:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all of their printer ink cartridges with squid ink cartridges
jeffreybbbbbbbb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:51:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Clean out their cat's litter box for a week straight so they're worried their cat is sick. Then, at the end of the week, take a human shit in the litter box.
WhiteyMcKnight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:51:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd break in to point out that since I didn't break in with the intention of committing a crime, it's not burglary and I'm not a burglar.
Delica ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:52:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace random food with the same thing but a different brand.
Switch their silverware drawer with the one they keep pizza cutters, etc. in.
Put a Ben Carson 2016 magnet on their fridge
Xh0m3br3w ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:52:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all their coat hangers around.
AnIdioticVitchLikYou ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:52:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all of the paper labels off every canned food item.
St_Veloth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:52:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Update to Windows 10.
Golemfrost ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:52:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd hide the remote control and while I'm at it, I'd take a screenshot of their desktop, set it as a wallpaper and then delete all the icons.
Tooexforbee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:52:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd just make it blatently obvious I broke in and then leave immediately. So for months they're left, on edge, thinking: "What the fuck did he take?"
theenigmacode ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:52:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place pictures of Kim Jong Un all over the house & make the TV & Radio only play NK TV
thepervertedromantic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:19:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
format all the computers and install RedStar Linux
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:52:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Slowly steal the spoons out of their silverware drawers and watch as it fucking destroys their lives. Then take that silverware and put it in someone else's drawer leaving them to wander where the fuck the silverware came from.
toad_mountain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:52:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put a note on the counter saying "note to self: don't forget to check the carbon monoxide levels"
JavelinTF2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:52:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I double everything they own.
Two clocks on the wall, another tv on the stand, put another fridge right in front of theirs. That sofa? Throw another on top.
louisprimaasamonkey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:52:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fill all of their medicine cabinets with marbles.
rohanppdx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:52:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the auto correct to misspell their name.
Dooom97 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break in the front door and steal nothing, causing the stress of trying to figure out why I broke in and what I stole when I took nothing at all
Destinlegends ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put all of their dish's in the bathroom and all soaps and shampoos in their kitchen sink.
djak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would break in and rearrange small items, making it subtle enough to make the owners wonder if they did it themselves. A box of cereal in the fridge, a kitchen knife on the bathroom sink, a screw driver on the coffee table. They'd never suspect a break in, just wonder when they left that there.
ModernStrangeCowboy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well you could be the guy who broke into my dad's house one time. All he took was an electronic change sorter. Never mind the couple hundred dollar camera next to it or anything else in the house. Just wanted that change machine.
Crislips ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go in the fridge and tighten every jar they have. As the say in the burglaring world, leave no jar unturned.
honeycoon_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's not really a burglar, more of like an IRS agent
stuka444 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move the toilet to the kitchen and the microwave to the bathroom
Cornerway ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch the hot and cold tap tops
Magician_322 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
remote in fridge, change alarm time.
IamASmileFace ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hack their wifi and turn it on and off
AMongolNamedFrank ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange their furniture whenever they leave the house.
BKBlox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cut all cords
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch the salt and sugar.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:54:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move and rearrange things in a way that makes the residents feel that their home is haunted.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:54:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put a donut in the microwave for 45 seconds without putting it on a plate. I can promise you, it DOES NOT end well.
Jtown021 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:54:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the batteries in all appliances with dead ones.
helveticaleb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:54:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Glitter + leaf blower
Czaristpollack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:54:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find where they keep all they important paper work and duct tape each individual page to the wall.
Poopfartplan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:54:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Clear all of their saved passwords on their computers and devices.
Patches258 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:54:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go to their bathroom, lift the toilet lid and seat, and place their toothbrush on the rim of the toilet.
fanatiqual ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:54:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Every house I go to I put the spoons where the forks go and forks where the spoons go.
connorg35 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:55:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything in the house ever so slightly out of place. Just enough to notice it on close inspection, but not enough to spot right away.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:55:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Open the curtain just a little and make a few pictures on the wall tilt.
PicklesBC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:55:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap out a flavour of food for a different flavour of the same food. Same brand, same packaging, different flavour. Can you imagine how frustrating it would be if everything bagels were your favourite, and every time you went to eat one in the morning, they were plain? And it's not just a one-time thing. This is forever. You can never have an everything bagel again. I have 100% committed myself to swapping your bagels out.
Dagostar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:55:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal one out of every pair of socks.
OpdiPog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:55:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put the spoons where the forks should be in the kitchen and vice versa. Or any other utensil for that matter
courtneyleonard520 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:55:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The best would be to just move little things around the house or switch some very small things up. Put salt in the pepper or pepper I the salt.... Just the right amount of confusion to make them feel like they've gone insane..
PicklesBC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:55:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put cute little hats on their cats.
silock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:55:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You leave a dildo on the kitchen table
SkipsH ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:55:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lower the height of the head jamb on all of their doors gradually.
dsotj ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:55:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change their regular tea bags into earl grey tea bags
BSO_TA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:56:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put sugar in the salt shaker and vice-versa. Replace shampoo with shaving cream.
peanutbutterandjesus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:56:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
1.Find exact taxidermied replicas of their pets. While victims are asleep, litter their house with said replicas.
2.Place still images of digital screens over all electronics.
3.Litter street with fully clothed mannequins.
4.Close off both ends of said street.
5.Hide small speakers all over house.
6.Play Rick Astley on each speaker simultaneously, just loud enough that victim cant tell where sound is coming from.
7.????
8.Spiritually profit.
radioactive_ape ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:56:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break in and mess things up so its clear that I broke in. Then take nothing, that way they feel insecure because they must have nothing of value in their possession... This happened to me apparently I'm poor.
jtOCmale ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:56:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You fill ice trays with vinegar.
cpt_drumstik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:56:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
me and my friends used to go around our neighborhood rearranging people outdoor patio furniture. we'd take all of their stuff but move it like 10 feet away from their house or stack all their stuff on a table
mr_sneakyTV ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:56:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap the contents of the fridge and freezer.
ThePeggyCarter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:56:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd poop in every toilet in their house. And believe me when I say this, it'll startle them for a month cause my poop looks weird. Like cattle weird
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:56:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Poop in the toilet and not flush.
othybear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:56:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all of the pictures in the home and scan them into a computer. Then, I would photoshop everyone to have Steve Buscemi eyes. Then print, reframe and replace all of the pictures in their exact locations.
Doug_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:56:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take every left pair of shoes and hide them all over the house.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We had a key to our one of our roommates room at uni but instead of playing a prank on him we just slowly did things to mess with his head. Every couple weeks we'd move a poster he had an inch to the left. We'd move things across his room, set his alarm clock for ten minutes earlier. He played football manager on his laptop pretty much all day every day and one time we removed the disk and put it back in his box. He would always mention things moving, but never clocked. I think we nearly drove him crazy.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange the kitchen counter and change the codes on the remotes.
TheAfroKing96 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
https://xkcd.com/666/
Just do this.
Jaboi69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
dunk all of their towels in water and then put them back
ClovenCarcass ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all the toilet paper rolls around.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
See if they are signed into any websites, and fuck with all their settings and home pages.
Switch around right click and left click.
Change their keyboard layout from qwerty.
Shuffle their desktop icons around, and change their icons entirely.
Uninstall all their device drivers.
oxymora ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn the light switches upside down, watch from the attic as they think their bulbs have all blown.
awfulawkward88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
https://youtu.be/2rOc3QlqO6I that's the worst anyone could do I think. But I guess I would just cut a hole in a wall behind a picture that's hung up. And drop something like fish guts into the wall. The smell would never leave!
r3curs1on ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Slightly shift all the furniture in their house.
bouncep ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
unplug random electronics but leave them in the exact same place
shift all their drawers around(this actually happened to me, i'm still getting my shirts out from underneath my shorts because im too lazy to put it back how it was)
Jayboah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave a huge turd on their toilet seat.
makkers92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take a copy of all their family photos, erase one person from the pictures and place the new ones in the place of the old ones
joe_botyov ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
someone went into my girlfriends tent at a festival , there was nothing to steal so they tidied up and left them some fruit !
Magikarpenter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Crazy-glue every piece of furniture, appliance, objects to whatever current surface they are on. Even a fork or mug left on the counter.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all their furniture 3" or so to the left. It's not enough that people would notice, but they'd suddenly start bumping into things. If they're especially OCD like my stepmother, I'd also do what my dad does to fuck with her. She always keeps things like the coffee table decorations or pictures perfectly centered. He moves them very slightly. She'll stare at it forever before finally deciding to move it. Then he'll move it slightly but let her catch him moving it back into place. She'll then come "fix" it by moving back off centered.
Idcidcidcidc1234 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:58:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What Dane Cook said. Just knock down the door but don't take anything. They'll go crazy wondering what was taken.
lax_bruh32 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:58:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd move every piece of furniture a few inches to the right or left, so when they walk around the house in their normal routines they constantly bump into things.
morphiotic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:58:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
1.Stack anything not nailed down 2. Take all the photos in the house, leave frames in place 3. Take a dump in any and all house plants
rocknrollfrenchfries ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:58:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove all the labels on their canned food items, take out all of the lightbulbs, and take the cables for the electrical devices.
aakash658 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:58:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would poke a hole in condoms i found there...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:58:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Toast all the bread, and put it back in the bread bag. Remove all the ice cream and replace with something that doesn't freeze, then colour it to the same colour as the ice cream. swap fruit in the fridge with similar looking objects from around the house.
speckleeyed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:58:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In my 21 year... age of mischief, we broke into a friends house and rigged those string fireworks poppers everywhere. So when she opened a cabinet, BOOM, lifted the toilet seat, BOOM, pulled out a tampon, BOOM!
That was fun.... for us.
nikxid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:58:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Replace all their clothes with the same exact clothes, but in smaller size. Repeat every 2 weeks.
Theonlyrhys ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:58:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a bunch of dildos in multiple sizes, from bullet size to rubber McFist. Each night leave a dildo on the living room table, increasing in size, culminating in dipping rubber McFist in some chocolate spread and leaving it on the carpet.
VaultBoy1003 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:58:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace the toothpaste In the house with mayonnaise.
teddybier512 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:58:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take their toothbrushes, stick 'em in your butt, take a picture, rinse the brushes and place them where you found them, wait a few weeks, and mail the pics.
ForFunsies123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:58:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would leave items that do not belong to them throughout the house.
RUBIXWARRIOR ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Chloroform in the vents.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
wilduu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap out the hinges on the fridge door so it opens from the other side.
10TAisME ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I switch their washer and dryer
JaySam95 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I find houses with identical cars and switch the keys
dontbuyCoDghosts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move every object in one room two inches to the left. I call it: room, two inches to the left.
maddux_89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I get all their information. Drug them so they wake up in a fortune tellers booth. Then have the fortune teller tell them all about their life
sgafixer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave the soap with some hairs on it
Dragotamer45 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Empty out part of the ketchup bottle and fill it with a whole bottle of hot sauce
kuaranta2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought you wrote bulgar so I came here to see if anyone else has misinterpreted your post too an called you racist
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn the toilet-paper roll the "wrong way". Or unroll some of it, put a piece of paper there with a message and roll it back so it looks normal.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into their router, change the admin password, and put parental controls on every device in the house.
MasterChef901 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal all sorts of regular stuff like electronics, jewelery, and whatever else a burglar normally steals, but then hide it around town and leave a note sending them on a scavenger hunt to find it all again.
FestusPowerLoL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave a pair of panties under the sheets
cooltrain7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place random Lego bricks all around the house at night and then set of the alarms.
DeadpooI ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would take every remote to any device i could find and then steal all the wall plugs to any device i could find. Phone charger, game system etc. I would leave the charging cord though unless it was only a power cord in which i would take that as well.
lbloom1864 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put glitter on all their ceiling fans. They will never get it all out
Char10 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would break in every night undetected and leave a thank you card on their kitchen counter.
Imadamnhero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I actually used to do this when I was a teen. My buddy and I would break into houses and rearrange the furniture, cook a meal and set it out so when they got home it was ready, sometimes we would take underwear from one house and put it in another house. We thought we were so clever and funny, but looking back we probably caused a lot of trouble for people
Gnarok518 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:00:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unpotty train their dog.
MFBeast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:00:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch around the toilet paper.
handyginger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:00:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This will be buried. I would move the handle of there fridge over but not the hinges.
maddux_89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:00:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all of the stuff in their house one inch
MicMagnetic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:00:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all of their dvds, blurays and digital films with copies of Paul Blart Mall Cop
Grasshopper21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:00:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reenact home alone by booby trapping the house to hell. Then just leave.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:00:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I turn all their light switches upsidedown.
letsdoothisornot23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:00:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take then out......to dinner because they have a beautiful family
TamaB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:00:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find their computer and leave it open at this web page.
Drkshadow1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:00:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would re-arrange all the items in the cupboards just so in the morning they would be all out of synch.
btribble ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:00:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid, a few neighborhood kids and I broke into a neighbor's house while they were on vacation (they left a door unlocked). The only thing we did was swap a couple paintings on their walls and leave an opened can of yams on the counter.
As a kid we thought it was funny as hell. As an adult I realize how horribly creepy that must have been for the homeowners.
I found out later than one of the kids I was with broke into the same house again weeks later to steal stuff and got caught by the cops.
SirFrancisPeacoat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:01:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything one inch to the left.
thepatientoffret ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:01:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
put random animals inside their house
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:01:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Piss on their rug.
Tarukun564 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:01:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
First, I would learn to become a master plumber and electrician.
Then... Well, then I'm sure I'd have all sorts of great ideas.
Atarka-WorldRender ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:01:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ITT: Satan
Eji1700 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:01:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into the home of shorter people and put things they need on top of the fridge or other high shelves.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:01:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Get everything in the entire house soaking wet
Thetman38 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:01:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide all batteries and chargers
CatManDontDo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:01:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move their dishes around in the cabinets. Small things at first like start with the silverware and put it in a different drawer. Weird but maybe someone thought it would work better or just got confused.
Every night change one more thing until nothing is where it's supposed to be. They change it back every day until one day they come in and nothing has changed but because they've been so freaked out by the changes they put it all in the wrong place.
-lighght- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:02:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all of the labels off of their canned goods.
-ogre- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:02:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would steal old family photos, they can't be replaced or bought.
Krautwickel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:02:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange the furniture, and kidnap people! At least there's a german movie about it :) http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0408777/
shartsalami ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:02:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into their car, and upgrade the head unit
dubstepzftw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:02:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything by an inch or two.
WUBESC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:03:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
hard boil all the eggs
heathwhohathnoname ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:03:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything in the house 1/2 inch to the left.
Luna_L ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:03:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd leave sand everywhere...a little at a time. In their bed, bathroom floor, food..
jakobburns01 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:03:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide a dead animal in the wall so that it smells for a long time
Brodoof ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:03:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Repost the same question 0 times
KJB10000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:03:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Paint mustaches on everybody in all photographs you can find
MauiWowieOwie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:03:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I tell them we're brothers and we eat potato salad together.
Jayboah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:03:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Soak the crotch of ever pair of pants they own.
cdg5292 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:03:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Soak all their TP in water
Sapphire_Glimmer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:03:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the furniture in the house a couple inches left. Maybe leave random lights on.
shiftynightworker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:04:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Superglue EVERYTHING down where it lays
DrC8H10N4O2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:04:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I find the one item that obviously has a place that it always goes back too. Not the one they use every day, the they only need once every other month or so. You know like a flash light, that pair of pliers (or other tool), or that one USB key with all their passwords and backups. I find it and hide it under some baseboards or in the wall.
Then after 4 months when I am sure that they have torn the house apart looking for it at least once. I sneak back in and put it right back where it goes. Making certain it is plainly visible at only a glance of where it should be... And then I hide the next item.
Source: I think someone does this to me.
Jive_Bob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:04:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Have a monster shit in the cat litter box.
dannygb_thisis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:04:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I tend to hide their car keys
animflynny2012 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:04:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There was an episode of Skins (UK show) were one of the characters would break in to a house, tidy and clean up. Then leave.
That would mess with me so much!
dantesburrito ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:04:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I leave their taps running.
Frodafett ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:04:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch all clothing with exact copy but one size smaller or bigger(knowing if there on a diet helps)and do the same for shoes but add a little sauce replace the soul in one shoe it makes one side taller. Replace ketchup with hot sauce, mustard with yellow humus, and mayo with......miracle whip. Write messages every 14 squares on the current toilet paper, and for the rest of their supply of tp unravel to the mid point and cut an x into the tissue then roll it back up. Add red dye to the toilet water. Release 2 ferrites in the house or if they have a dog a honey badger is worth the Hassle. Replace all fruit with wax fruit. Cut a hole in the bottom of there mattress leave a note that says "this is just a simulation". Take pictures of them sleeping and make it there screen lock for there cell phones. Put a bloody fire axe under the couch. Leave an old phone that is set to ring at 3 am every morning in the attic/basement. Leave different mortuary business cards around the house. And finally return every week and put acid in the orange juice.
barc0debaby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:04:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Buy bags of feeder fish and put them in all the toilet tanks.
thisgirlwithredhair ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:04:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all toilet paper, tissues, and paper towels.
a-sex-pack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:04:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Clean their house.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:04:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip the batteries in everything they own.
2fat2live ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:05:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break in once a week and hide the car keys in a different spot.
wat_up_buttercup ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:05:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plug the drain to their sink with towels and let the water run.
BIG_RUBBER_FIST ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:05:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave lipstick marks on all of their collared shirts.
temporarycreature ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:05:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bring undiluted hot sauce with me, hot sauce that registers somewhere in the 3 or 4 million Scoville scale. Mind you, this stuff is clear like vodka. I would coat the rims inside, and out of all their wine glasses in their house, all their liquor bottles, everything.
When they drink from whatever, the liquid will reactivate the sauce, and burn their tongues, lips, and throat off.
imjorgy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:05:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace family photos with another family holding their family photos.
ImInKorea ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:05:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal the TV remote and go by the house every so often to change the channel.
k1p57a ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:05:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all furniture 2 inches to the left
Briefcase_Tuesday ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:05:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal all remote controls.
Soperos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:05:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide the toilet paper.
aluminum_man ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:05:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd pour some juice by their shoes. Too small? Ok how about I hit them in the throat with a ski?
bangorthebarbarian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:05:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn off the gravity.
cttttt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:05:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace their butter with "I Can't Believe it's Not Butter," and come by next week and tell them they weren't eating butter the whole week.
DrOctogonopus_II ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:05:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd move everything in their house over two inches. Just enough that everything feels wrong, but not enough to be clearly visible.
MrDurp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap all the silverware's places. Forks where spoons should be. if the person lives alone I turn the toilet paper the other way. if they don't live alone, I take all the toilet paper. Put their milk in the freezer, yup that just makes no sense at all :)
indecisivemonkey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move Silverware, dishes, pots and pans, and just generally everything else to different cupboards and drawers around their kitchen.
Rodent_Smasher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the batteries out of the remote. That's it. I'd re break in and do it every night
medalbeer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break only in to houses with females living in them. Leave toilet seats up.
pethew ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move their furniture an inch to one side every 2 days and then watch as they fall into mass hysteria.
CptFuzzyboots ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal 1 sock from each pair in the laundry, and then return it 2 weeks later, stealing another batch.
I have a feeling this isn't so uncommon around my home.
fuckbecauseican5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch the hinge on their fridge door to the other side
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap their shampoo for honey.
Replace random light bulbs with blacklights.
Rename their wifi ssid to something nsfw.
Change the speed dials of their phones to random phone sex hotlines.
stizzle01 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take a poop under their pillow and place the pillow perfectly on top. Replace salt with sugar and vice versa. Flush the car keys. Glue in all the electrical sockets. Cut the cable lines. Put dye in the bleach holder of the washer. Pee in their shampoo bottle...
MissSwat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reverse the order of the cutlery in their drawer. It would be a long con. Go in night one, spoons go where the forks go, forks where the knives, knives to spoons. Give it a couple days. Come back, switch it up again. Wait one less day and go back in. Rinse and repeat until I am satisfied that these people will only use chopsticks from now on.
Ravetronics ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove the batteries from all their controllers
SghettyCorn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch their TP rolls backwards. Change out the salt for sugar. Put little droplets of Karo's syrup on the floor spaced out so they step on them and notice them but can't quite clean them all up at once. Foreign language subtitles and change their nicest TV to 4:3 aspect ratio. Unplug anything with a clock just to replug it back in and see the 12:00 blink. Leave the milk out on the counter.
Lastly, wear a white sheet and go around the house when only 1 person is home loudly moaning and screaming like a ghost.
senorglory ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I whisper vocabulary drills to them, while they sleep, each night for an hour, over several weeks.
Diablo165 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Clean the entire place and leave a cake on the table.
fiercelyfriendly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Top up the fuel in their car every couple of days, keep it hovering around 3/4 full, then once a month siphon out the whole lot.
TitusVI ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal a family photo
abs159 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pry up the keys on a couple adjacent letters on their keyboard then remap them in software to be their appropriate letter as presented on the (now changed) keyboard..
VoodooMF ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap everything from the fridge with everything from the cabinets, then set their heater on as high as it will go.
Jekrel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:08:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait until a new group of people is getting ready to move into a house and then swap every power outlet with one that lacks the third prong.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:08:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
magicsexyasian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:08:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all their CD's with copies of Beverly Hills Ninja
MotoTK ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:08:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap all food from the fridge to the freezer and the freezer to the fridge.
creedofwheat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:08:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap all hand soaps with shampoo and all shampoos with hand soaps.
50kenel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:08:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know how to say it properly in english but, I'd put their toilet paper's part from which you take it facing the other way.
Check for ice cream and eat the "tasty ones"
Put CDs (if they still got them) in other cases
Change the orientation of their books in the library
All in all I'd wreak a mild havoc
EthanHawking ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:08:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Poop in the toilet and don't flush.
Golden_paws ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:08:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would for sure take all their toothbrushes, underwear, soap and plates. Then move around all the furniture into other rooms.
otomoto1919 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:08:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Use all of the toilet roll and not replace it.
SaneCoefficient ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:08:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sand off a little of the end of one leg on every piece of furniture so it wobbles. Make every wall picture a little bit crooked. Sign into their Amazon account and add a bunch of hello kitty onesie pajamas to their wish list. Rearrange all of the knives in the block. Slightly unscrew a few lightbulbs just enough so they don't turn on. Mix cayenne in with the coffee groumds. Plant mint in their garden, it will take over. Use some tubing to reverse the hot and cold pipes for their sink. Come back every couple of months and do it all again.
emptyfisch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:09:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reprogram the thermostat so it heats up to 85 at 3am.
CryptoSeb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:09:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Superglue all their flip-flops, slippers, etc to the floor
DerKaiser15 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:09:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put the batteries in there remotes the wrong direction.
shadyyg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:09:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Let chickens loose in their house.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:09:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:12:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/u/fuckswithducks would like that
beedharphong ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:09:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In graduate school my roommates and I would move everything in one of our roommates room over about a half inch to the left or the right every other day because our roommate was a prick.
RobotJesus_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:10:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Simply unplug everything in the house
Rossco09 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:10:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I steal the batteries from all your remotes
HarrisonArturus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:10:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take every third sock.
dekkerson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:10:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
HIDE all the games on steam, move all items on desktop leaving YOUVE_BEEN_HACKED.txt saying I've deleted them. I can't even imagine ACTUALLY deleting someone else games. Look mom, I'm not an asshole after all!
Atrax_Divinum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:10:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fill the house with dozens of pigeons, fed meals laced with laxatives.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:10:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn everything inside out and upside down
byttle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:10:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wet bandit.. I leave your faucets running.
ElBlamoDelSamo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:10:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shift everything in their living room one foot to the left.
MrFeexit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:10:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move things like silverware and dishes to different locations in the kitchen. Change around light switching for lights on double or triple gang switch boxes.
Jimp0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:11:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put all the toilet paper rolls on bacwards.
Rheturik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:11:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go to the same house repetitively and leave the front door open every time. Most people would call the police and have them check their house for intruders. After the home owner learns there are no intruders, he/she will slowly go crazy wondering why their door is always left open with no one inside the house.
StallinForTime ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:12:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like anyone I know would just automatically assume it was a ghost and hastily move away
shaha385 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:11:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i would replace all of their furniture with slightly smaller versions of the same furniture.
USChills ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:11:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide the remotes. Break all spaghetti pasta into thirds. Leave the fridge door ajar.
mako-jaeger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:12:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move the furniture one inch from its original position
sneakerfreaker_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:12:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd clean the house spotless and organize everything from the sock drawer, shirts hanging (ironed and everything), take out the trash, etc...
ianm42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:58:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
PM me for my home address
PyRo_Sk8r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:12:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch shoes between various apartments (witnessed it once at a staff accommodations in Banff national park one year)
F1R3STARYA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:12:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put their toilet paper the other way. Right -> wrong and wrong -> right.
Mexispan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:12:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I go in their bathroom and switch the toilet paper to the opposite side of however it was hanging.
ExaltedRequiem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:12:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find someone with a large, carefully organized video game collection (I suppose movies could work as well.) During the first break in, do nothing, merely catalouge the collection, as you have research to do. Back in your own home, build a spreadsheet with the collection, and reasearch the exact release dates of every game. Then, use that spreadsheet to build two lists. The first is organized by release date, ignoring the year entirely. In case of overlap, second sort should be number of letters in the name, lowest to highest. The second list is alphbentical, by the third letter. Second sort should be the fifth letter, third should be the second. Now, break into their house again, and remove all the disks and all the manuals. The manuals use the alphabetical list. The disks, the release date list. Also, for each disk, flip a coin. If heads, place it upside down in the game slot in the box. If tails, stick it in the manual. Carefully replace their seemingly organized collection, then leave. Your work is done.
TyppaHaus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:12:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
clue their books together
The-Receiver ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:13:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pour syrup all over their utensils
AugustSun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:13:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If it was in a barracks, it'd be flip the hospital corners.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:13:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place all the furniture slightly shifted to the left/right so they stub their toes
claireofthefairies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:13:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide in the attic and, using a multitude of different objects, make terrifying noises throughout the night, keeping them wide awake and on the raw edge of terror. I would then steal said items from the attic and bring them with me to the home of my next victim, where I would proceed to keep them awake and terrified all night as well.
SUPPERJOMAN ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:13:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kick in doors, leave random things that weren't there before, move things to different areas then they were before and remove all the batteries, and then hide them somewhere.
pips888 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:13:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mess with their car seat position and change the car stereo presets. And just for the heck of it flip all their toilet paper around so it unrolls the other way.
Gyrozen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:13:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unplug everything every night for a month.
Lacunafide ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:13:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This actually happened to me when I went on vacation. I came back to "for sale" signs in my front yard, all of the labels on our canned goods were torn off, glitter was on top of every ceiling fan blade, fishing wire taped to the ceiling, Saran Wrap on the toilet (under the seat cover), and all the salt and sugar had been swapped.
Unteryn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:13:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fart spray. Everywhere.
Harrison-Solo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:14:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move the keys around on their keyboard
TyppaHaus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:14:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
change the color of their light bulbs
mschwa3439 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:14:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
change wifi password
MistaBobDobalina7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:14:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave a lava lamp
PDXauthor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:14:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all of their left shoes.
minnick27 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:14:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the way their fridge door opens
ChefofA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:14:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flood drill...everything that I light enough to pick up gets taped above the "high water line". So about 3ft high you just tape everything they would need in a world changing flood, bottles of water, packets of ramen, condoms etc. I did this to an old roommate and even taped all his military gear to the walls and ceiling, along with his boots, flack vest, gas mask. He was pissed
throwawayylime ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:14:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
soltherapy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:15:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Obviously I'm in Finance
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:15:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My old youth pastor rented a house in college with some friends. Occasionally when returning home there would be things left out like the milk or the fridge door would be wide open. Progressing over the next few months when they would leave for class they would come home to find the furniture in the house re arranged and the tv on. At first it was just odd and thought it to only be a harmless prank or the other room mates were being careless.
One day they were in the backyard and noticed that the padlock on the old cellar to the house was unlocked. Being curious they opened it up only to find a cot some clothes and a few simple items. When they questioned the landlord he told them that he hadn't had a key to the lock for years but that it was connected to a crawl space in one of the bed rooms. It turned out that there was a homeless dude living in the dirt floor cellar and eating their food when they weren't home.
After totally freaking out they called the cops and changed the lock. After that they never had anymore problems but it always freaked him out knowing there was a stranger living right under their feet.
Slummish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:15:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My MIL has a huge house full of a lot of crap. Most of it -- all of it -- is garbage to me; empty bags, books, trinkets, souvenirs, 20-year-old boxes of Stove Top stuffing, decorative soap, etc. She thinks it's all worth something.
When she and her husband travel, my husband and I stay at their house for weeks and months. My MIL is deathly afraid we're going to steal her junk. When she gets home from long trips, she checks the house to make sure the things on her mantle or in her china cabinets or on the laundry room shelves are all still there. She acts like its a pile of goddamned royal treasure.
So, I never steal anything, but you can bet your ass I pick up one plastic resin American eagle statue that's been in the same place for decades and swap it for a Yankee Candle or move one framed photo of a cross-stitched kitchen and swap its place with a picture of a sailboat pressed into gold-leaf.
I hope it makes her insane. She's never mentioned anything about the innumerable swaps I've made over the last decade or so, but fuck her for thinking I steal lunchmeat packets out of the deep-freeze she dropped in their sometime in the 1990s.
bleh.
dumb bitch.
PopsicleMud ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:15:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I knew about half a dozen people who rented a house together when I was in college. Someone snuck into their house while they were out and absolutely plastered it with Debbie Gibson posters. /u/wil would have loved it.
SunCantMeltWaxWings ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:15:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal pictures of their deceased relatives. Because those are the one thing you can't replace.
AlmoschFamous ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:15:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal all the toilet paper, napkins, and paper towels, then replace them with rolled up sand paper.
BoltWire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:15:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So if you don't take anything... you're not a burglar though..?
RiskItForTheBiscuit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:15:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move in for 8 months, eat all their food, use all their shower supplies, never get a job, then move on to the next one
speedisavirus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:15:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Meh, I would relandscape people's yards with their neighbors things. In the middle of the night. Things that happen when you get blasted drunk...
Bennett713 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:15:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Write loads of Post it notes and make them think they have a monoxide leak.
Kody02 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:15:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put a single penny in all their trouser pockets and shoes and in the sugar container.
SoloSloth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:15:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This thread reminds me of a movie called The Edukators. They would break into wealthy home and mess with the place, they never stole.
StallinForTime ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:15:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Write notes to them using fridge magnets. Hopefully they write back
radabadest ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:15:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rotate all of their rooms by 90 degrees counter clockwise.
kicksquaddom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:15:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make sure all their straws have holes in them.
theozoph ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:15:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the order of knives, forks and spoons in the kitchen drawer.
Repeatedly, at random intervals.
erath_droid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:16:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reverse all the toilet paper in the house. If they've hung it overhand, I swap it to underhand and vice versa.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:16:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change all of their desktop icon pathways to hardcore porn sites. I would do this every time they leave the house.
mrboomer12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:16:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
repost this is r/writingprompts
jreebs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:16:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reverse the toilet paper rolls in every bathroom.
Tigerwulf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:16:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Glue everything they own to the ceiling.
Negative_Clank ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:16:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break in the house, remove all labels from cans in the cupboard
Beejsterb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:16:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal things.
Mashedtaders ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:17:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange all the furniture.
ShootPosting ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:17:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My 90-year-old grandmother is ultimately convinced that "monks" have been going into her home and rearranging things. They also cut out specific people in family photos such as ex-boyfriends.
JoeKnowsNothing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:17:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Saw two inches off the legs of all the furniture so they think they're getting taller.
unclejello ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:17:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange everything in their kitchen cabinets.
Miles_Tails_Flower ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:17:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Came here under the assumption that burglary meant theft. Assuming sends one through great delusion of wisdom....and we pass that down.
Vesuviusse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:18:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd move all the furniture about a foot to the left, then alphabetize all their books and movies. If they had a DVR, I'd record the home shopping network.
malcatrino ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:18:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
First I'll mess with the neighborhood bully. You know, replacing his slippers with smaller sized slippers, changing lights to lower wattage bulbs, switching his toothpaste with his foot creme... those sorts of things.
Then I'll win the love of a part time carnie/adult bookstore salesman.
The End
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:18:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
sultanpeppah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:18:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap any Coke in their refrigerator with Pepsi and vicaversa.
ImMrsG ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:18:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the batteries out of their remotes.
MeanMustacheMan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:18:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I would just move all the furniture a few feet to the right.
DrakeSparda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:18:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave a lava lamp
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:18:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mix up their socks and hide their keys in odd places.
_haxle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:18:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all their Berenstein bears books with Berenstain books
so_dericious ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:19:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into houses, take EVERY piece of furniture, silverwear, cups, bowls, w/e, and flip them upside down.
Idk about you, but if I woke up and entered my kitchen to see all the furniture and shit upside down, I'd probably think my house is haunted or something.
chocolatechoochoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:19:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the wattage's of all the light bulbs in the house.
FrankTheTank1000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:19:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change all their batteries with shitty, dead batteries
Puupsfred ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:20:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You go and watch The Edukators
smi2000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:20:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the batteries out of the remotes and reverse them! Turn all the clocks back by 15 mins. Remove all the labels off the tinned food....surprise meals!!
scotsman81 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:20:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Get an irritating, and catchy song stuck in their head...
Fuck, I do that now :D
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go into every bathroom and spin the toilet paper rolls around so the feed comes out the opposite direction.
justaintcarehoon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
clean the house, do laundry, wash the dishes.
absolutewingedknight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
fill their house with roaches, flies and mosquitoes
cthulhu8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would break into old folks homes in the night, sneak into their rooms wearing blackface and read them the script to Ishtar.
NovaAurora ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch all of their cereal bags into different boxes
09wkd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Repaint the walls, replace all the furniture, pictures etc. Basically make them think they woke up in someone else's house.
Remove every food item in the fridge, cabinets, pantry and freezer and fill them to capacity with jars of pickles. Just, all of the pickles. Pickles everywhere.
Open all the windows and play porn on the TV at full volume in the middle of the night. Remove/keep the remote batteries.
Write "WE KNOW." on the livingroom wall.
Picklestasteg00d ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Butter their floors. Even the carpet.
dronemoderator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lock up their bike with a different lock.
-JI ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kick open their front or back door and then proceed to open half the doors in their house. Then leave.
lovespeakeasy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No longer classify myself as a burglar but rather a prankster.
Atomic-Buddha ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything a few inches, flip doors to have the doorknobs on opposite side (Doors that open on the right would open on the left and vise versa). Glue things to the surfaces they're on. Change computer backgrounds. Small shit they can't exactly chalk up to mistakes but can't figure out how it happened.
Seraphenrir ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd move all the furniture a few centimeters. Subtle, but imagine all the stubbed toes and tripping.
agoreliusJ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal all the spoons.
Duh.
GravityTortoise ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Set alarm clocks to go off at 2:37 am
TheMightyRicardooon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change every single clock (phones and all) back 3 hours. Especially awesome if it is winter and you are used to waking up when it is dark.
Source: Had younger brother with paper round.
Mantis--Toboggan_MD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would put as many items as I could into the attic. They would be so happy when they find out their stuff wasn't stolen, but so fucking angry that they spend all that money on new stuff.
Afa1234 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch off all the breakers, unplug all the electronics, unscrew all the light bulbs enough that they won't turn on and to cap it all off switch all the batteries around so that the positive sides are where the negative sides should be.
egalroc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would fuck with their remote control settings.
LuuKen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Superglue a Lego piece to the toilet seat
IHaveBigPlansForYou ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:23:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything in the house 1 inch east. *thud* "fuck..."
Haerverk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:23:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change their wallet with their neighbors. Repeatedly.
same4walls ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:23:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cut the shower curtain in half, waist high . Tie his shirts in knots
Tucker33 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:23:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would put lipstick on and smear it on a few white shirts of the husband. No husband in the house??? Fuck it. I'll still do it anyways just to mess with them.
kellisamberlee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:23:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There is a film around this plot, it's called die fetten Jahre sind vorbei (the fat years are over).
It's about left activists that break into rich people's homes and rearrange all the furniture to fuck up their feeling of security
Citizenchimp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:23:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So... you're Amelie?
SoapyCuda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:23:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tuck them in and read them bedtime stories.
TheGogues ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:24:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would cut off the lower half of the shower curtain. So when he takes a shower, people can see his junk.
Vaginal_Decimation ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:24:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Dave Chapelle: Replace all their family photos with your family photos.
I_Do_Respect_You_Bro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:24:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replaces all the good batteries with cheap batteries
katjalove ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:26:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of when I would switch out my dead gameboy batteries for the TV remote's full ones
I_Do_Respect_You_Bro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:43:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I still do that, but with xbox controllers!
kodat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:24:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If they have a second floor or basement that I know they frequent, I would add half stops to the stairs in a random order. So as they walk, their bodies don't know what's coming and they trip.
LetsRunTrain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:24:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange the contents of the fridge nightly.
SkoalGally ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:24:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
All over the house pour an unidentified liquid with a suspicious smell and colour.
the_far_yard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:24:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into a blind man's house and rearrange the victim's furniture.
burgov_VI ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:24:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hook up VHS players to all their TV's and put on copies of Harry and the Hendersons.
pocckey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:24:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flush all of the toilet paper
the_original_kiki ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:25:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lower the thermostat.
gvaught78 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:25:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shift everything in the living room over by a few inches.
The_One_True_Heed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:25:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I did this at my last job and it always made me laugh so hard my sides would ache.
When a coworker has a day off or is just gone for a few hours I use these very thin metal ties and I tie various objects together on their desk making sure to leave very little slack and to hide the ties well.
When the coworker returns I find a dumb excuse to ask for something on their desk right away, usually something heavier where they have to commit some effort to moving it, but it HAS to be one of the objects tied to others.
Watching them freak out as a dozen object leap off their desk and tackle them to the ground is fantastic.
Countdown94 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:25:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
leave the water running
FGHIK ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:26:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn the TV to max volume and leave it on the most annoying channel they have, then turn it off. They'll be in for a shock...
thatssohavens ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:26:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shake up a can of soda, drop it in their freezer.
mickeyperry ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:26:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's an entire plot about this in Amelie...
Axelthegreat9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:26:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip everything upside-down
K9overlord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:26:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If they will be gone for a while I will remodel their kitchen under the guise that they had mold.
Destroid9V ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:26:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move absolutely everything two inches from where it's original spot was just so they stub toes
rdwburns ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:26:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave a note saying that I've stolen something. Victim will desperately hunt around their house trying to work out what it missing.
oper619 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:26:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I live about 2 Hours from my mom. One time I happened to be in her neighborhood for work and she was not home so I took the cushions off of her couch and put them underneath the couch.
Dontmakemechoose2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:27:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide their Apple TV remotes in re couch cushions.
Nursenobody47834 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:27:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Powder their floors with flour, leave a pan of water for them to step in beside bed, vaseline door handle, hide car keys n phones, unplug electric items with clocks in them
Booyahblake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:27:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Snip all their Internet cables
Moonboots606 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:27:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Empty the fridge, urinate in the toilet, but don't flush or put the seat down, and finally, release pigeons in the house.
peeeyeempee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:27:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the refrigerator door to open from the other side
Liaeriel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:27:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plant bed bugs in their beds.
i_lurk_here_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:27:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the batteries out of all the remotes and put them on the roof.
I've done this before.
beenthroughyourbins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:27:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap their clocks with mirrors. If you've ever moved either that's been in place a while it's maddening beyond belief.
aliciad0905 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:27:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all of their batteries... TV remotes, clocks, etc.
buggaz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:27:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Add stuff. Copy photos and edit them into places, situations and with people unkown to them and frame it for them. Write cryptic post-it notes, pregnancy tests in drawers. Wedding catalog for a couple.
shedsy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:28:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Everyday, if their bed isn't made, I would make it, but if it was, I would unmake it.
blacknwhitelitebrite ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:28:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all the oranges with tangerines.
yellowfisheating ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:28:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put post-its under the laser tracker of mouses
OblivionArises ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:28:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take a massive shit in a 32oz or 44oz cup, and hid it somewhere obscure in the room like behind some furniture so they don't know where the shit smell is coming from.
RTM_Matt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:28:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip all their toilet paper the other way round. Then go back every subsequent night and keep doing it until they go insane.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:28:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
First of all, you're not a burglar. You're just a dick. Turn all the TV's on and empty the salt and pepper shakers.
cancearth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:28:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My friend and I discuss this more often than we probably should, and it always comes down to doing really small things and making small changes in someone's house and how long it would take to notice.
Some of my favorites include: leaving a bottle of water every day in their refrigerator, leaving just one cupboard door slightly askew, digitally manipulating family photos to make small changes in the background, leaving post-it notes for each other under the identity of someone else in the family, leaving the television volume on max and then turning it off so every time they turn it on it's unnecessarily loud.
shomill3r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:28:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would take every peice of furniture and move it all 1 foot to the left. Everything would be slightly off but they wouldnt know why.
Gr8_B8_N8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:28:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I cover every square inch of their walls with Vote Trump/Vote Clinton flyers, whomever they hate the most. The kicker: the flyers are superglued onto the walls.
binarychef ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:28:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Re arrange all the items in the cupboard and cling film the toilet seat.
FrozenViking ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:28:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I break in to take their garbage out!
OneFootInTheGravy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:28:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide Furbies in various, hard to get places. Left on with long lasting batteries.
KuroShiroTaka ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:28:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Gaslight them. Double points if the person is a member of Above Top Secret (Rational Wiki article)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:28:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would just turn there thermostat up to 85
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:28:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put a roast in a crock pot.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:29:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Get into the sock drawer and mismatch all pairs of socks
Plus, misplace keys, wallet, etc.
King_ce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:29:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all their lightbulbs with less bright ones. Will give them that slightly confused feeling.
bob_the_bilder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:29:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Walk around breaking into cars and putting clubs on the steering wheels.
KingKnotts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:29:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I move everything one inch to the left, that way they know something is wrong but not what it is.
KeroZero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:29:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Burn popcorn in their microwave, flip all the cushions and pillows, and move every piece of furniture 5 inches to the left.
la_diabolica ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:29:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I will take bag full of shit and with the help of a big paint brush paint all their walls with unique designs.
Take plastic film (the one you use to wrap food in the refrigerator), and place them in the toilette in a way it cannot be easily detected when looked from above.
Reshaard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:29:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Glue fake light switches to the walls
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:29:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
drop the pegs off the front of the refrigerator, making it so that it will always hang open when you briskly try to close it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:29:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal the TV remote, replace with identical remote. Hide in bushes and change the channel while they watch TV.
imalittlefrenchpress ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:29:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap all the toilet paper, putting it under if it's over, over if it's under. Find their toilet paper, put rolls in random places: the freezer, the kitchen cabinets, in their clothes drawers. Replace their coffee with decaf, in the caffeinated container. Replace their butter with unsalted butter. Replace their light bulbs with lower wattage bulbs, except the refrigerator, put a 250 watt bulb in the refrigerator. Turn a radio on so low that it's barely audible. Hide a ticking clock somewhere that they can hear the ticking, but where it's difficult to locate the ticking by the sound alone. Move all their knick-knacks to different areas. Move their furniture slightly, like 3 inches. Put different sheets on their bed.
dj_janitor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:29:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Poor or drink half the water out of a case of 24, and leave it around their house in various places, as well as the fridge. Open all the bags of chips and leave them like that in the pantry. Leave Four bowls of cereal in the sink, with 1/3 of it eaten. Peel off the seal on resealable oreo container. Put their tv into dev mode and make the rgb scaling so that the picture is all one color, and set it as default, so even if they reset it, it stays. Switch all their water lines in the bathroom for hot and cold. Put a 3 pound bag of sugar in there reverse osmosis container. Change their sprinkler times for outside so that the grass gets dry spots. And one tree gets over watered. Unscrew all their lightbulbs halfway so that they are off but still in.
CBO0tz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:29:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think if there comes a point where if you call the people you "confuse and annoy" your victims, you're probably just scaring the fuck outta them.
When you're stuck in a backwater dirt road next to a dilapidated gas station and your friend went missing while checking out the back room of the gas station and you think: "Oh that silly burglar, making my friend disappear.. Okay, the jig is up, come on out Kyle..!"
I don't think Leatherface's intent was to confuse and annoy you, that's more an unintended side-effect of systematically killing you and your friends.
Altkolsch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:29:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
1) Set their refrigerator to the lowest setting but the freezer to the highest so it would take longer for them to figure it out.
2) Take a full size human dump in the litter box. Let them think their cat did it.
3) Glue all of the toilet paper rolls so that they will not unroll. Do the same with the paper towels and hide the napkins well.
4) Place clear Saran Wrap underneath the seat of the toilet directly on the bowl. Make sure there are no wrinkles and it is as clear as glass. Place the seat back down.
SchrodingersRapist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:29:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into houses and turn all the toilet paper rolls around from whatever orientation they were in before. Over goes under, under goes over....
mrhymer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:30:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I starve.
tonyj101 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:30:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make a large bowl of mash potatoes and leave it on the kitchen table.
Monkeytennis01 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:30:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Symmetrical book stacking
tossit22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:30:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Get onto their computer and leave one pro Trump comment in /r/politics. Delete it the next day and leave another one.
bigmiiike ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:30:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
fast ffwd all the dvr'd shows in the house to spoiler scenes (i.e. joffrey / ramsey's death, gus' face being blown off, nucky shooting darmody)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:30:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all of their furniture every day by a tiny amount, like half an inch.
YaSnapple ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:30:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ok dane cook
amadorUSA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:30:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No one seems to mention this is the premise of a German film. The Edukators. A pretty good one, by the way.
Toz5824 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:30:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd put sugar in the pepper container, pepper in the salt container, and salt in the sugar container.
t33m3r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:31:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So your a polter-sapien?
Belmish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:31:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ask them if they want Britain to leave the EU.
DesertPhantom51 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:31:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch things containers in the fridge. eg. Put mayo in the sour cream and yogurt in the mayo.
tydestra ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:31:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Freeze their keys in a block of ice.
tastiefreeze ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:31:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide a metric fuck-ton of these... http://m.chefsresource.com/cdn-loud-alarm-kitchen-timer.html in various and obscene places throughout the house, all set at different times.
Chuckwagon_21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:31:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything in the house two inches to the right.
wip30ut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:31:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
if the computer/laptop isn't password-protected, hit up gay porn, hentai & bestiality sites & don't clear the browser or autocomplete.
RealFemale ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:31:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sneak in one night and write down everything that's in the refrigerator.
Go back the next night and replace it all with identical but higher end stuff from Whole Foods.
zRaziel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:31:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
oh boy, do i have a list for you:
-Switch sugar and salt
-Glue literally everything in place
-Swap all of their games and movies inside their cases
-Leave easter eggs everywhere
-open all their windows
-There is a small code segment that auto ejects your disk drive, i would put a copy in startup
-googly eyes, googly eyes everywhere
-drain every egg they have through a small hole in the bottom
-stab a sword into the floor in a way that is impossible to get it out
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:31:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move their whole bed over by an inch. It'll totally eff with their head subconsciously.
SFSD813 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:32:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place a line of rainbow glitter along the top length of every ceiling fan blade in the house.
UpLateProcastinating ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:32:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Super glue multiple phones under multiple pieces of furniture.
In the middle of the night, i would ring one and wait for the confused owner to almost find it then hang up.
As soon as he or she starts walking back to their bed, i will ring a different phone.
And so on, and so on...
Judetheuno ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:32:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find their Wi-Fi password and change it to have one of the letters be capitalised or put a random exclamation point on the end.
Subscyed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:32:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shift literally everything in their home an inch or two to a predetermined side.
Generations of stubbed toes would hate me.
Cojones893 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:32:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change which direction every door in their house opens. Then a month later change it back. Repeat.
majorconcon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:33:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide the T.V. remote
TheNorthernGeek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:33:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put skim milk in thier 2% jug or vice versa. Put apple juice in the orange juice container and put the bags of cereal in the wrong boxes.
Mysterymachine666 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:33:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn on all the faucets and leave them running. I'd be the wet bandit!
Roger420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:33:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change all of their clothes to one size smaller, once a week.
grainofsandinspace ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:33:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When in uni a friend and I unhinged the front door to a female friend who were away and totally redid her room.
It all started with us being annoyed with the suboptimal way she had set up her stereo. However, once we had started we realized that most things were suboptimal so we redid everything and then restored the front door.
When she got back she a bit taken aback (duh!) but was so pleased that she kept the way we arranged things. Eventually we told her who to thank... :-)
BennyNasty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:33:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange all of the kitchen cabinet contents.
lifeliberty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:33:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Set all clocks back 17 minutes
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:34:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave a note saying I robbed them. Take nothing.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:34:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
move all the furniture by a little bit and move things around in the kitchen cabinets.
SacrificialPizza ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:34:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If they have a DVD collection, take movies out of their original case and put them in a random other case. Do this for all DVD's. Steal insignificant, but things that are needed for a certain situation, like a pizza cutter or thermometer.
Cryyystal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:34:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave 20 boxes of tampons in an elderly couples restroom
justasimplepotato ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:34:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I take all of the small spoons but leave the big ones
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:34:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You leave the EU.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:34:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/jonwolf
Arizon_Dread ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:34:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would recommend the German movie "Die fetten Jahre sind vorbei" as an answer to this thread. Go watch it!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:34:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change all the clocks by 10 minutes and unplug all plugged in wires
spikyphoenix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:34:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything 1 inch to the right...those guys' toes will suffer
tantrim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:35:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Charles Manson and his crew played a game called "Creepy Crawlies" where they would sneak into peoples houses and rearrange furniture.
EthanYouIdiot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:35:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Open the fridge and proceed to drink all of their beverages until there's only enough left for about half a glass.
drifters74 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:35:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Gaslight
spikyphoenix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:35:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plate the floor with legos
xXMylord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:36:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I put semen in your daughter.
Anost ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:36:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Boil all the eggs and put them back in the box
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:36:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
blow raspberries.
wsfarrell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:36:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A burglar entered my apartment yesterday, stole everything and replaced it with an exact replica.
--Stephen Wright
b33pb33pb33p ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:37:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
move a few things to different places
Deltahotel_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:37:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch out their shoes for a smaller size. Change their alarm setting. Switch their foot cream with their tooth paste. Sabotage the lamp. Salt their liquor. Switch the door knobs. Change their speed dial for their mother to a mental health line.
billtheturnip ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:37:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
probably just this http://imgur.com/a/GvGIi
lucywonder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:37:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal all the chargers/cords. Leave the TVs, phones etc.
It would be so annoying to have everything but you can't use it!
science_penguin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:37:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal all the caps to toothpaste tubes
knowsomeofit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:37:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd just do what my wife's ex did in their house once and turn everything, all the furniture, all the pictures, at a VERY slight angle. Not enough for you to realize the furniture had been moved, but enough so that you feel like something is off kilter.
taybul ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:37:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cook bacon in their kitchen but leave no trace of it.
mutzilla ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:37:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've actually done this to an old friend of mine when I was younger. I would break into his house and take all their forks. Then I would re arrange their furniture in their living room. It was easy to break into his place, he always left his window open and I was often bored while living with my grandparents. He only lived on the next row of trailers from me with a row that separated us.
I have lost contact with him since these days and I wonder if he ever knew that it was me that was doing it......
IndubitablyWatson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:38:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch under/over position of all set up toilet paper rolls and turn over all of their cups and mugs.
DArtagnanhos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:38:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
move everything 1 foot to the left except the tv
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:38:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange all their photos and shelf knick-knacks into really inconvenient arrangements.
If they had lots of knick knacks, I would arrange them into scenarios.
Vesvaughn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:38:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
move every thing in the house 1-2 inches from their normal spot.
RobotGangster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:38:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange their furniture.
amandakayeMUA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:38:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd sit in the room opposite from the people living there and sing. They'd never know where the music was coming from. Every once in a while I'd incorporate their names into the songs I was singing.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:38:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Have a really good clean of their house would baffle in a nice way.
the_ordertaker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:38:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Set their clocks to DST
hateboresme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:39:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Photoshop a child into some of their photos. Leave little bits of evidence of a child's presence.
Hurtinho ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:39:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave only 2 squares of toilet paper in every bathroom.
GoochAssassin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:39:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Slice the crust off of all bread in the house. Unscrew all the light bulbs just slightly so when they flip the switch there will only be darkness.
mlong14 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:39:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pour bleach in the wash machine dispenser for their next load.
reaper0345 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:39:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the labels of tinned food.
foslforever ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:39:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
hateboresme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:39:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace their shampoo with Nair.
Killboy247 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:40:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything about 2 inches out of place so that they bump into things all day
InsidAero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:40:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/writingprompts?
Raffi172 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:40:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think this belongs here
Takeover_Train ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:40:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch medications
MrLouth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:40:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Turn on all the water taps full blast. Change all the locks. Tilt all the picture frames Swap light bulbs around, so the brightness changes.
VoltronWillRise ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:41:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all pants in the house with ones 2-3 sizes smaller. All the females will think they gained weight. Dieting will ensue and it will ruin their next few weeks for everyone in the house. Mwahahaha
LAST_ICONOCLAST ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:41:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Upload Dane Cook to every iProduct willing.
Themightybunghole10 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:41:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal any kind of remote I can find and then drive past thier house and use them every night
huoyuanjiaa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:41:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would clog their sinks and leave their faucets running.
SaintKE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:41:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave the toilet seat up.
old_voodoo_willie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:41:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jumble up all their DVDs into different cases
IceFire888 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:41:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leaving a alarm clock running and hide it somewhere. Let the alarm drive them crazy hahaha
LJandEo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:41:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take there remote control so they have to get up to change the channels. And shift everything 2 inches in a differant direction
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:41:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
put an aluminum wrapped leftover spagetti plate in the microwave an' set it to run for like 10 minutes.
Techtorn211 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:42:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I rip all homework so they think a dog got in.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:42:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the directions of all their ceiling fans so they are being slightly less energy efficient
orksnork ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:42:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds like the purpose of Stitch from Lilo and Stitch.
CJSteeves ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:42:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I change many of the photos in the house with different ones from other spots. So basically, frame remains the same, I just exchange the different photos around the house with one another and I aim for people who obviously havent changed those things in a while. That or I add really old school pranks around the house, electric doorknob, whoopycushion, lego in the shoes that kinda idea.
KillerKeenStar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:42:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
take their remote and drive by and change the channel
MuruTheGuru ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:42:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange their kitchen. Cups in tubberware cupboard. Tubberware in pantry. Utensils in freezer. Plates in drawers....
Cataphractoi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:42:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave a glass of milk on the kitchen table.
cosc2016 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:42:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would make a whole bunch of lasagna, eat it, and then not clean up after myself. Can you imagine the kind of scrubbing power they would need to fix that mess?
mark1nhu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:42:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the door knob type of their houses (yep, it's from Amรฉlie Poulain).
one_love_silvia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:43:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go onto their computer.
Screen shot the desktop.
Invert the entire screen so everything is upside down.
Invert the mouse. Up is down, down is up, left is right and vice versa.
Apply screenshotted desktop so everything appears normal.
Remove all short cuts, pinned programs and the task bar.
Increase the mouse sensitivity to max.
Install a camera overwatching the computer, and watch it remotely as the go onto their computer and absolutely lose their minds.
kkreklau ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:43:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave them an "upper decker" Shit in the toilet tank so when they flush they get a surprise
rowingisgood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:43:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all of their light-switch covers
ThunderBadger97 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:43:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Every time they boil the kettle pour the water out.
Eldigs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:43:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
At about 14/15 my friends and I were given a set of keys to a friends house to hang in while her and her folks were away.
We used to get up to a bit of mischief at that age although nothing too major but we thought it would be fun to go in and smoke some pit we'd gotten hold of. While high we had the great idea to turn everything upside down; the tv, photos on walls, artwork, microwave, played in the cupboards, perfume and moisturiser, lamps, washing basket etc...
We thought it was hilarious and left it like that for when they returned. Her parents were so pissed when they got back as they didn't know she'd given someone her key she was grounded for a month. She said it took quite a while before they realised some of the wall art was upside down so it stayed like it for a couple of weeks. Our friend was cool, she knew us and found it funny thankfully
kirkiri ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:43:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch off their WiFi router
majorbagel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:43:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make subtle changes to there furniture layout,and move couches 3 feet one way,move all of there pictures onto and opposite wall,and hide all of the TV remotes
Cla55y ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:43:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the chairs from their kitchen table to their attic so the people think their chairs have been stolen. Then when they buy new chairs I'll swap em out with their old ones.
Forgototherpassword ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Marry Demi Moore
WordBoxLLC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Being one of the first to show up at a family function, I rearranged a room in my grandparent's house. Just little things, not furniture. Swap knick-knacks, rotate lamps so the switches are on the other side, restack the dvd, vhs, cable boxes... It took just over a week for them to realize it and they thought they had been burgled until they started finding things. This is what I'd do... allow a cursory glance to pass. Of course if it weren't my grandparents I'd do evil shit like fucking with remotes, batteries, TV inputs... sick shit like that.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Charles Manson already did this. Breaking in and rearranging furniture. just skip to the "creepy crawler" part.
maulpets ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
take all the batteries out of the remotes
Tophat_and_Poncho ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn the toilet roll around the wrong way.
The first time it will be a minor annoyance, then, over the period of months, and when they turn into years their patience will crack and their mind along with it. Unable to visit the toilet without the toilet roll being the wrong way they will so no other option but to throw themselves off the nearest bridge.
That or blame their partner. Either way endless fun.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In high school we would get stoned and take people's front yard decorations and set them up exactly how they had them but in their neighbor's yard.
MotoChase ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide cameras and speakers all around the house. Connect to them later and speak creepy things while watching their reaction.
Erectionspecialist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take a single sock for every pair.
glassfrenchfries ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place random elf on shelfs throughout thier house and make it look like thier stealing things
apdicaprio ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Repost the same question a hundred times on Reddit.
metnem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put saran wrap on every toilet.
You can figure out what comes next;)
Hanktank711 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Record the full spread ofmidnight infomercials over the most recorded thing on the recorded tv shows. That or swap all the dvds out of their boxes so there is no finding the right movie.
Butt_Pirate21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Piss in their kettle.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch the TV remotes in the house
sndeang51 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:45:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find all of the remotes for TV's and what not in their house. For anything with two or more batteries, turn just half of the batteries the wrong way. Reorganize their food cabinets/refrigerators so they can't find anything at first. Print login and password details to various dating sites and leave them in/near the tray of their printer. Leave a can of coffee/tea out from a brand that they have never used.
BionicCatLady5K ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:45:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It would start off small. I would leave the front door unlocked. Put things away in places they don't belong. Like their shoes under the sink. Leave doors open. Leave cabinets open. Then I would turn it up like leave the channel to a tv station that wasn't what they last watched. Like Shopping channel. Or leave it on with low volume. Turn all the glasses in their cupboard up instead or down. Make them a brown bag lunch. Put their name on it in my hand writing. Leave them notes like reminding them to do something they need to get done. Rearrange their living room. Add an obscene number of cutesy throw pillows on their couch. Change the sheets and make their bed. Change their shower gel to something that is obviously not theirs. Leave pictures of them sleeping in frames by their bed. Turn down the heat in the winter, turn heat on in the summer. Put a sock In their toaster.
Then I would slowly start to gorilla glue everything down. In the house.
isotopesNmolecules ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:45:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Charles Manson would do this, break into people's homes while they were sleeping and rearrange their furniture
porkabeefy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:45:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I take their turds out of the toilet it before they flush
AdamantButler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:45:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You said no stealing, but instead of stealing all their valuables, steal their door knobs and outlets, that'll show them!
waspol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:45:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove one battery from all their devices, especially the tv remotes.
Riotousblitz2013 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:45:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dye all of their whites black and bleach all of their black clothes to be white
Mrpeter_d ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:45:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dane cook ?
look_behind_youuu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:45:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No joke. This actually happened to a friend's mother. They got divorced and the husband would break into their place and steal all her left shoes. It got a lot creepier than that though. He used to move furniture all around and one time he left a single bullet laying in her open dresser with all her clothes removed.
The-Best-Snail ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:45:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Switch around which silverware goes in which of the little slots, and generally rearrange all of the dishes and stuff.
If they're on vacation or something and they have a really symmetrical tv, take it off of the wall and re-mount it upside down.
Move the dining room table six inches to the left so they know something in the room is off but can't quite figure out what it is.
If multiple people share a bathroom, put everyone's toothbrushes and stuff on different sinks.
Find a bunch of books by the same author and forge their signature in all of them (unless it's already there, then just tear that page out).
(I'm running out of ideas)
Any USB charging cables they have, pull the USB out just enough so that it doesn't charge, but looks like it's in properly.
Switch HDMI cables on every tv to different inputs.
Take batteries out of remotes, but put in dead ones so they keep the weight.
Find a cup with a removable bottom, then do the upside-down glass full of water trick on a counter and take the bottom of the cup off.
If I think of anything else I'll put it on here.
rooowdy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take a dump in their fridge
CantBanMeAgain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jerk them off while they r sleeping and not wipe them
SomeAnonymous ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You know those tables with a single, quite thick leg in the middle? Yeah, I'd carve the leg into the shape of a penis, then sweep up the shavings and put them into a bag that isn't tied shut right where the victim will step out of bed.
brixlayer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
flip the toilet paper opposite, whatever it was.
hexparrot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unlock all the window locks and leave a short, 12 inch tie from China (with Chinese brand/markings) on your bedside table.
demalition90 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Step 1: Find somebody that lives alone. The less friends the better.
Step 2: Take pictures of them sleeping, add props to make the pictures themed. Christmas, Easter, Valentines day, etc.
Step 3: Print a calendar with a picture of them sleeping for every month
Step 4: Hang calendar in their home, if they have a calendar then replace it.
KruskDaMangled ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So basically "Burgling peoples houses: The Gas-Lighting"?
BolognaTugboat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put hair removal cream in their shampoo.
johnnybiggles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put microwave popcorn in the microwave and set it to 10 minutes. Bonus points: Put a plate of squid in also.
Boognish666 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would poop in all of their underwear and neatly fold it and put it back into the drawer from where I found it.
DrPimp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would break into homes and tickle some anuses.
calibared ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Misplace the remote somewhere else. Maybe under the couch
sezrawr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the batteries and light bulbs. Confuse them for a short while!
Hozuay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Write random fake reminders on their calendar. "July 15 Larry's Birthday! Don't forget!"
Wybaar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into two houses right next to one another while both families are out (and ideally are going to be away for a couple days.) Swap various items between the two houses (exchange TV remote controls, items of clothing, canned goods in the pantries, pots and pans, dishes, [unused] bars of soap and bottles of shampoo, etc.) Plant small spy cameras and microphones so you can witness the families' confusion when they return.
nsm1h55b_S2sH1t ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wire pressure plates (really tiny ones at that) under their carpets so that when they get stepped on it plays Flash Delirium by MGMT nonstop until the song ends.
SoyIsMurder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch the baking powder and baking soda.
SeriouslyChill ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the batteries out of all the remotes
Kaleleaf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:48:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't this basically the plot of Following?
Disgruntled-Vet-2VP ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:48:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide poops around the house: tank on the back of the toilet, empty mayonnaise jar put poop in and refill with mayo, behind couches etc.
spookyfox1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:48:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap over every one of their dvds into other boxes.
NyonMan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:48:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything to the left by three inches
Pegguins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:48:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put cornflour in plain flour.
Use a condom, pop it and out it somewhere.
If someone has a sex toy replace it with one identical but a different colour.
Mehlenbacher92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:48:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dig a hole
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:48:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
An ex gf and I used to joke about eating a really big meal and then breaking into people's houses to take massive shits and not flush the toilet.
sanpinblog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:48:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
True story from maybe 2 years ago. My father forgot to lock the garage in the evening and as you might expect it now: a burglar took his chances. Obviously everybody of my family was asleep then, so we have no idea what they have really been doing but realizing what things are missing we were just puzzled. We have a big hall that is connected to the garage which my father uses to produce all sorts of stuff for his shop. Also, the garage is connected to a storing room, we have all sorts of stuff there.
So, the day afterwards, I got up and went downstairs to the storing room, to get some apple juice - just to realize it was gone. 9 Liters of apple juice. Of course I was just confused at that point same as my parents that I talked to about the matter. Eventually we just ignored it and just went on with our breakfast. Afterwards, my father went to work and well, now it became obvious: The laptop there was missing, same as the computer screen he was storing there. Then it finally became obvious what was going on ... Crazy stuff, in total, the burglars took some "normal" things to steal like the laptop and the screen but also these 9 liters apple juice, a sixpack beers and quite a lot of frozen food ... I dont know what was going on with them ... Even more crazy is, that my father just recently got a new computer at that point, which was standing in the storing room as well. Really nice thing, dont ask me for the exact set up but it was around 2000โฌ I think ... Still standing there ...
Mr_Redemption ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:48:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave the toilet seat up
CaptainSlendy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:48:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide all their keys and adapters for their cellphone chargers in the most random places. Like in the tank of the toilet and under the sink, behind the pipes!
slovicjujubaby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:48:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange everything but take nothing. The family will be going nuts for weeks wondering WHAT THE FUCK DID THEY TAKE!!!
Spokehead82 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:48:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I sneak in every night they order pizza and eat 2 of the remaining slices
WizeryWizardGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything 2 inches to the left and hope they run into everything
scannell1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A guy I used to work with would occasionally get up early, grab the newspaper from the lawn and then do the crossword puzzle. He would roll it back up and put it back on the lawn. His dad loved doing the crossword puzzles. The dad would get so pissed he wall call the newspaper and blame the delivery guy for doing his crossword.
sassyclimbergirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change all of the clocks to different times...1 really off and the rest within 20-25 minutes of each other
NaSKilla97 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move every piece of furniture one inch to the side
heystupidd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace the batteries in the TV remote with dead ones.(who ever has spare ones)
bindingeagle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
rearrange all the utensils in the drawer so it sticks
nobo13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would swap all the calculators from degrees to radians
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make all door handles turn the opposite direction in order to open.
prichs87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Upper deck dump all their toilets.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn the temperature down on their hot water heater. Lukewarm showers for everyone.
DJDrumpf187 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything into their garage.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:51:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I kick all the doors down in the entire house, and leave a lava lamp in the living room. Just wanted to do a B & E.
heystupidd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:51:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
saran wrap their toilet seat, add hot sauce to their shampoo and dust their roll of TP with white pepper.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:52:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all video games DVDs and music with books.
JonesysBowl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:52:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put a few drops of bleach on everything. All your couch cushions will have a few bleach spots. Flip them over and I put it there too. All your clothes, towels, everything.
Kelkymcdouble ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:52:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I befriend the victim then steal something of importance like csr keys or a cellphone. When they express their frustration at losing their object I respond by saying "well where did you last see it?" I then wait 2 days and place the object at the place they last saw it.
Morgoth_12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:52:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is the answer to this question that I'm the guy from Following?
reynardtfox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:53:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Spackle certain doorways and paint them the same color as their walls so it looks like the door was never there.
musical_throat_punch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:53:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch their forks and spoons in their drawers
aging_yuppie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:53:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal all of their sink and bath plugs.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:53:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ask dumb questions on Reddit
Ruler_of_Dunes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:53:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
just play a repeating message of me cracking my knuckles
PIXEL_MACHT_FREI ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:53:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Install an operating system from 15 years ago on all the machines while keeping the files. Redirect all their Internet traffic on the router level through a German vpn so a lot of things become inaccessible or worst: in German.
Sebleh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:53:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Refill the Brita
aloha_niigah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:53:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's not a burglar, just a creeper
ElChupacabrasSlayer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:54:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Add Baking soda to their ketchup
UseApostrophesBetter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:54:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's a movie about this called The Edukators. It was pretty good.
girusatuku ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:54:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go through their kitchen and replace all their brand name food with generic brands and vice versa.
appepuppe26 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:54:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Op, miks Huomenna eikรค esim tรคnรครคn/ eilen? :D
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:55:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
pitkรค tarina
cutsmayne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:54:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange all of the furniture so they are facing walls and replace all of the pictures in frames with stock photos
vriendhenk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:54:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Log in to reddit....get the person banned from all heavily used sub-reddits...
emostorm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:54:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Squeeze all the toothpaste to the back end if the tube.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:55:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put his toothbrush in my ass and take one masked thumbs up mirror selfie and upload it to his living room photo frame among the hundreds of others on there.
Valbranz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:55:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would attempt to flip every item that I could upside down, Duct tape anything that might spill and flip those items upside down.
JulioAsh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:56:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Throw out all of the remotes/controllers
guysnamedcourtney ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:56:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
talk to them but instead of starring at their eyes stare at their earlobe.
Try it out
notwithagoat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:56:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put the toilet seat up in all girl dorms.
TheWillRogers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:56:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
hide the cable that connects the computer and the printer.
bridymurphy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:56:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange everything in the kitchen cabinets
Hercules7- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:56:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave an upper-decker in every single bathroom
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:56:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would pour out all their milk, but leave just enough for a few drops in their morning coffee.
TheWillRogers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place child proof locks on everything.
compilationkid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move their keys, cell phone, and glasses to places where they're not readily found.
bobothebadger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shit in the litter tray
ArrowNut7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take trash out of trashcan and put their family photos in the trashcan.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace the high blood pressure medication with sugar pills
Uragami ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a bunch of panties and hide them in the beds of married couples.
XeroStryke ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put lube in any hand sanitizers.
Ian_Hunter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Many posts so this must have been covered: Every main room has a point of entry where, when in said room, everything is visible on a peripheral level. Go in 3-4 main rooms. Select 1 item. Tchochke, remote, coaster set, etc. Move 2" to the left or right. Repeat every week or so until resident is insane. ( no kids rooms - you wouldn't notice. And, hey! We're not monsters right? Just trying to scramble their fragile egg brain !)
eucalyptus2000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all of the items in their living room upside down
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
About once a month, raise the height of one step in their staircase by about an inch or so. Pick a different step each time, and replace last months step back to it's original height.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kick in their doors and steal them
UniversityOfToky0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide all their spoons, and find their e-mail. Then, consistently send them anonymous e-mails with "spoons" written in white text, multiple times at the bottom of the e-mail. That way, when they open their e-mails, they'll see a bunch of ads about spoons on the side.
Drunk_Tavern_Wench ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not really breaking in buuuut....
1-Currently about to stuff my mums pillow case with glitter.
2-Got the paper towel tubes stuffed with glitter taped to the top of the fan blades. Holds everything in there until it gets to speed. For maximum coverage.
3-My parents also have a large shower head that is now packed with kool-aid.
Thinking of a few other things over the next few days. This is what they get for not taking me on vacation with them. Sucks being an adult and getting told "you can come but you're paying for your own spot on the cruise"
thewolfonlsd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:06:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well you're super not going on any cruises now
Drunk_Tavern_Wench ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nope. Probably going to be disowned once I find a way to rig the fridge door to spray silly sting.
sscottrell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place googly eyes on all their photos.
thingon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put rat poison in her shampoo
TheWillRogers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:58:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide silver wear in the bag of flour.
randalla ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:58:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide their car keys
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:58:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find the DVD collection. Put all the discs in the wrong cases.
Salientsomebody ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:59:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reverse the toilet paper roll orientation.
TheOrigamiGamer16 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:59:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Upgrade all of their computers to Windows 10.
ExGasper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:59:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Were i'm from some gypsys borke in to a house stole the car keys and left with the car, a few days later the car was back with the keys and a letter saying " sory for the car but we realy needed it here are two opera tickets for the problems" so they were happy for the car and went to the opera , but when they came home the house was empty ,nothing was inside they took every thing..makes you think how they come up with these ideas
singaporean123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:59:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tangle all the USB cables available in the house, then throw them into the fridge
assweed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:59:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shit in their toilet and not flush
BattleThumbs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:59:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal their shoelaces
kittypuppet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:00:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd swap things, but I'd start out subtly so it gets progressively worse. Open their utensil drawer, swap the forks and spoons first. Maybe even move the kettle to a different burner. Then, swap the bowls with cups in the cupboards, and reverse the batteries in your tv remote the second night. I'd go as far as to even swap clothes around in your dresser a little bit the third night, maybe even swap your toothpaste with the cream in the drawer. I'd also subtly move things by a couple centimeters. Just enough for you to get really confused/double take.
On the last night, I'd reverse wire one of the switches in your house so on is off, and off is on. Oh, and I'll move the couch over 2 inches every night for a week.
tehSl33Py ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:00:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Santa ain't real
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:00:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Far too late in the game to get noticed but I love telling this story so here goes.
In Chattanooga there used to be a person that would come into my dad's house in the middle of the day when no one was home.
He would sometimes do a small load of laundry, always took a shower, and would make a sandwich and have a glass of milk if it wasn't the very last of it. He always washed his dishes and towel and left them drying. The only thing missing ever was the once in a while pair of socks.
To be fair, the door was usually left unlocked. Nobody ever caught this person or felt sure who it might be. The pattern was truly random and I assumed they had other houses to visit.
Totally fucked with my dad who had to inventory the house every time it happened. Of course, he never locked the door.
limecakes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:00:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Welp, someone I know got their car broken into, and they took their change but left a toilet paper roll in the trunk.
look_behind_youuu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:00:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Buy a bunch of hair ties, bracelets and cheap jewelry and place them around the couples house. Wait 2 weeks, and there should be a divorce pending.
Mr_Redemption ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:00:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Write the seven deadly sins in blood. One every night, in different houses in the neighbourhood.
OneEyedMelon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:00:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide one of each sock
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:00:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take a shit and dont flush.
BreeZaps ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:01:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal the remote. Whenever they're watching TV I will change the channels, change the sound or even turn it off.
cmoney2012 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:01:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go into their home and unplug every single thing from every single outlet.
Bdubyah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:01:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Drop in every week or so and leave an ouija board on the kitchen table
SynthPrax ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:01:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Clean their fucking house. They'll never find anything!
ylmcc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:01:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unplug their electronics and leave a note saying they will all break in two days and replace the remotes so they dont work with their electronics.
capilot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:01:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OK, this actually happened to me:
Shortly after I moved into my house, I went away for a long weekend. When I got back, I saw that someone had gotten into my house while I was away.
Whoever it was had brought in the mail and cleaned out the cat's litter box. Nothing was missing. I'm thinking, "boy, we get a better class of burglers in this neighborhood."
Turned out the old guy across the street had a copy of the house key, and when he noticed I was gone, he just did for me what he'd always done for the previous occupants.
Wheres_that_to ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:28:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I moved to a terrace house with a new baby, I was out of the house just after moving, came home to find all the tons of washing that had been on my line had been taken down, just as I started to worry the elderly next door neighbour appeared with a huge basket of freshly ironed laundry, she too had done it for the people before and saw no point in stopping just because it was someone new. From then on I wasn't allowed to do any laundry. (I really miss living there)
CreamSoda64 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:01:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ITT: Monsters.
Please, just steal my shit.
TableHockey31313 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:02:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave the sink on.
adiakritos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:02:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn the volume on their TV to max on the porn channel and then steal the batteries from the remote.
ssaimeri ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:02:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
cut bologna into pepperoni size.
mcasper96 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:02:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything 5 inches to the left. Subtle enough to be not noticed, but they'll keep bumping into things
CaptainGrandpa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:02:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move the contents of their kitchen cabinets over one cabinet. Going to grab a glass for water? Bam. Dry goods and spices
shoesmith15 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:02:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put glitter in the carpet.
strangebru ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I couldn't find the video, but on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson (yes, I am old) there was a celebrity that told a story about a neighbor of his who was bragging about the gas milage his new Volkswagen was supposed to get when he bought it. So a few of that neighbor's friends got together and started filling the tank with gas every night after the guy went to bed. He was bragging that one tank of gas lasted him over a month to his neighbors and they never let on. This guy was telling people everywhere how great his new car was, all the time his neighbors were having a big laugh behind his back.
monkbuddy62 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Coat their paper towels in that neverwet hydrophobic spray stuff so they don't work
Do that weird gallium and aluminum can prank so their cans rip apart like paper
uhohbuttsecks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kick all the doors in. Front to back. Bedrooms to pantry door.
Chalupakabra ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange all of the contents of all cabinets and drawers in the kitchen.
ZorisX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kick the door open, rummage through the house, take nothing.
sscottrell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dane cook
ZorisX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:10:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Vicious Circle, loved the performance!
i_h8_spiders2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take things away in the morning. Replace them back at night but in random places like the fridge, sink, etc.
firebird50 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
put a suitcase on their bed, when they open it, they will see a fake layer of money. when they remove that layer, there will be a letter that says, "A#"
Squeeky210 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would take one shoe out of each pair, or replace one with a smaller sized identical shoe.
Beer4MyHorses ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide their keys and change their cell phone ring tone
rdaredbs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch all of their clothes from his to hers and vice versa... re arrange the silverware drawer while you're at it
belindaaa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would move every single thing in the house an inch to either the left or right, so the occupants would constantly bump into things
mjklin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Here are some ideas from the movie Amelie
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:45:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
SUCH A GREAT MOVIE!!! :) And I love how she fucks with the grocer.
Azonata ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Something tells me we will see a spike in burglary arrests one of these days.
Hopperj6 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make them watch this video snippet over and over...https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WovYnLL9Yow
Ezemryt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shit on their coffee tables and throw stuff around.
ShrugsForThePeople ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shit all their underwear. They buy new underwear? Same shit, different toilet
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Draw mustaches on all of the family photos....
jdhm1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tickle buttholes. There was an actual guy who would break into houses and tickle peoples buttholes.
suavelee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Delete all recorded shows on their cable box..and steal their lunch meat
hgvm1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:06:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Toast all of their bread and put it back in the bag.
mrwompin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:06:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
SexistFlyingPig ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:06:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch everything between two bedrooms
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:06:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Set all the clocks back 4.5 minutes. Except for the kitchen one, that goes forward 3.5 minutes.
buffalo0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:06:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Have random fog machines placed at the top of the staircase shooting out every time they go up to bed after watching a horror movie
bhfroh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:07:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break a bunch of stuff, rifle through the drawers, pull everything out... But not take a thing. They'll wonder what was taken for years!
eureka_exclamation ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:07:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch the direction on their toilet paper roll.
A_K_ASquirrel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:07:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the furniture 1 inch to the left.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:07:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace toilet roll with paper. Swap around all the plugs. Swap hot and cold.
Kessius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:07:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I go in, and switch the orientation of how their toilet paper is mounted.
dSpect ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:07:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do their dishes and clean their house. In some places people actually just do this as courtesy when people aren't home and leave their house unlocked.
Off_tune ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:07:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shit in their toilet.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I see you on the hockey sub all the time man, weird seeing you here lol. But anyway I would just move every piece of furniture two inches west of its original position. Very slightly, every night, for like a year, slowly driving the home owners mad.
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:09:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I recognize your name from there too :P
Didn't realize I could get recognized after not spending too much time there
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I spend (sadly) a lot of my time there so I recognize people here and there lol.
Crushgaunt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch every battery around. Devices won't work and will look correct upon a cursory examination. Spray strange cologne/perfume in living quarters, bathrooms, and bedrooms. Nothing like a little marital stress to compound your nonfunctional electronic stress.
porky1122 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all toothbrushes with new ones of similar colour.
FuzzyWazzyWasnt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I almost ruined a relationship with this:
Turn on romantic music, flowers, light 50 candles (4$ at walmart), have massage oil next to the bed.
Spindash54 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tilt every painting in the hallway.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make there knives, spoons, and forks put into random places in the drawer. All 3 in 3 sections of the drawer.
OpVu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal their remote so everytime i drive by I can change the channel when they are watching TV
Devlin90 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move once a year stuff around. In the UK it'd be your car insurance or home insurance details. Stuff you leave in specific places. That's going in your loft.
Also going to replace all the batteries in the house with dead ones. Apart from one set, with very very low charge.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would sand approximately 2mm off the bottom of each chair, different legs so things are really irritating, I would then do the same to the opposite corners of the table so that rocks. To make things a bit more fun, I would add a tiny weight on the back of each photo frame or picture so it is constantly lopsided. I would possibly switch over so when they turn on the hot water they get cold and the cold water hot.
FirstThrone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If they have DVDs I would remove the DVDs and replace them with children's movies. Bonus points if they have no children.
Naulty85 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all the batteries in all the electronics around.
HappyHashBrowns ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Saran wrap the toilet seats.
_Illuvatar_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace their furniture with way nicer furniture, but furniture that doesn't match anything in the house.
Schootingstarr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
no pineapples yet?
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
they've been mentioned a few times
Schootingstarr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ah good, I was worried there for a second. ctrl+f didn't give any results
MrZephy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unplug every kitchen appliance. Even the fridge.
MissKensington ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:10:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace coffee with Decaf.
Rolled_Tortilla_Chip ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:10:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Slightly unscrew every single lightbulb in their house, to the point where they won't turn on
ImAlmostCool ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:10:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just leave the back door open.
Mad_Jukes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:10:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything from the freezer to the fridge and vice versa.
potpastor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:10:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move every bit of furniture 3 inches to the left, and wait for the stubbed toe profits!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:10:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the login to their router/modem. Average user doesnt seem to know how to do a factory reset these days. And they do not know what the fuck to do when theres literally no internet.
kingkooka ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:10:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place every game, movie, and music cd inside different covers.
cromeo24 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:10:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove batteries and throw remotes outdoors?!
Fluorine-18 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Release four mice numbered 1, 2, 3 and 5.
718-498-1043 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
steal everything they have and replace it with exact replicas
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:12:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Okay Steven Wright.
Imakedo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break in, take a shit, don't flush.
me_earl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave ยฃ50 and a note saying "I hope this pays for the damage"
TrollerofWorlds ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would build a sofa fort in their bathtub
NeedsNewPants ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd steal their hams.
I'll be the hamburglar
superhardweiner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Piss on their nicest rug
Shockeye0 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:13:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That rug really tied the room together, man.
letsgobruins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Refill their lint trap.
Eridanus_Supervoid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go through their dirty/unfolded laundry and steal one sock from each pair.
JugglerCameron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace the shampoo with Nair...
Hammockbirdman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Slowly steal all of their spoons, day by day.
garfnodie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If they're like me and a lot of other people, they have a container(s) full of wrapping paper, ribbons, tissue paper, etc., Take it all, but leave the containers.
WholeAssOneThing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove all the toilet paper but leave the spool on the toilet paper holder.
3rd_cornerbitch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide all the remotes in completely obvious but frustrating places
zyloman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the knobs around, like door knobs and stove knobs.
mrcommonsense23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place M&M's and Skittles in the same bowl.
real-again ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Now that's just inhumane.
OhTheHueManatee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Install an alarm system.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Put their washing in the cupboards/fridge, and their food in the washing machine and dryer.
Make sure the washing is neatly folded for extra confusion, and the frozen and cupboard foods divided between dryer and washer.
Shockeye0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the direction the refrigerator doors open. Sometimes all you need is a 3/8 nutdriver.
crazyer6 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave something random like a Buddha statue or a lava lamp in the house
WowkoWork ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Commenting to save for later
๐๏ธ Huomenna ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:14:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reddit has a save function ^
WowkoWork ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:10:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yea but I couldn't find it in Reddit is Fun.
JN27 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Drop a deuce in all their toilets and not flush.
the_shiny_rock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all paintings(if any) with Banksy art, put dishes in the washer and clothes in the dish washer, unscrew every lightbulb from the socket when done, put a birthday cake in the fridge, and install a stripper desktop app on their computer if it has no password.
FlawlessPig ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd boil half of their eggs so when they're cooking they'll be confused why some work and some don't.
jefferson497 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:14:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pop popcorn on high for 10 minutes in the microwave. That smell will really be rough to deal with
SwiftDickington ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:14:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange all pictures in the house, open all carbonated beverages so they go flat, unplug all electronics, turn off or set the alarm time, let the dog out of the kennel, repeat once a week.
mwryu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:15:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take today's newspaper. Place it where it should be the next day and take that day's newspaper. Of course, I would change all date settings of household electronics as well.
Jowitness ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:15:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave the faucet running
SaladBurner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:15:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bruise their fruit
nonstickrudy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:15:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reverse the flow of all of their ceiling fans.
sheepfreedom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:15:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the light bulbs out in the whole house. Hide them in the bottom drawer of the smallest dresser in the master bedroom.
mistereousone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:15:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would leave crime scene tape inside and a chalked body outline upstairs.
DarkHaute ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:15:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If there's a full roll of toilet paper.. I'll use all but two pieces. Chuckle as I leave the house.
Wolfesbane ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Increase double click speed on their computers to max. Did it to my mom once. She couldn't open anything.
mechanate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There was actually this old guy I knew when I was a kid. Really smart but super super religious. He convinced a bunch of kids to dress up like Bible characters and go around at night doing "constructive vandalism". But the group fell apart once he moved to Israel.
McPiranha ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Drip some gravy on the floor all over the house so they get their socks dirty, bring in a humidifier and turn it of with all of the windows closed and the heating on so the heat and humidity will make them sticky and sweaty as well as keeping the gravy nice and warm for them to step in, cut up some bananas and scatter the slices all over the house and pre-squish them so it covers as much space as it can.
LifeOnBoost ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal their TV remote. Afterwards, every time I drive past I'd change the channel on their TV.
nbdyhome ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip all of the mattresses and cushions in the house, put every pair of socks in the freezer, then leave a lava lamp on the dining room table
j_fat_snorlax ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all the batteries with used ones.
Replace all the butter with margarine.
Swap the baking powder with cornstarch.
Paint some of the walls a very slightly different tint.
Fill the dark soy sauce bottles with molasses.
Throw some fine sand into a high pile carpet.
Reduce the contrast of their TV sets.
Increase the pitch of sounds from their computers just by a bit.
Remove most but not all of one type of vegetable in a bag of frozen mixed vegetables.
Boil some eggs, put them back in the fridge.
Steal 1 chopstick.
Make some of the clocks a little fast, the others a little slow.
Leave hair of a different colour than the houses's occupants in random places.
Replace bulbs with that of a slightly different brightness.
Water down the vodka.
Change the temperature of the air conditioning by 2 degrees.
Rotate some symetrical objects 180 degrees (like vases, tables, carpets).
Change the brand of toothpaste, but make the new tube look as used as the old one.
Swap the lenses in their glasses for cosmetic ones.
Exchange large bills for many small ones.
Take away 1 sock, then add one of your own into their laundry.
Lord_of_Bass ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide every remote in the house
IBallzach ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I super glue everything that's hanging slightly crooked, and saw off 1/4 inch from one leg on every piece of furniture.
thegeneraldisarray ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything two inches to the left. Or replace everything with an exact replica.
Motionised ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make it so everything that's up on their walls and isn't tightly secured hangs just slightly crooked.
ugotrizlam8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wrap every single item down to individual post-it notes, spare change and teabags in cling film. Then squirt cooking oil over everything.
_coyotes_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put glitter on all their ceiling fans
tzzz_magee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shitload of crumbs in the peanut butter
KaizorMaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make a nice meal and put dishes on the kitchen table. After that I'd rearrange all the decoration in the house.
Mynameisaw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all the food in the house with realistic wooden food and add hair dye to all the shampoo / conditioner and food colouring to the handwash.
rockafella7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip the hinges on their refrigerator door, so I it opens from the other Side.
waffleezz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I overtighten the caps and lids to every container in the house.
I've been doing this across the world for years.
Vanderpool ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Keep leaving the shower curtain open.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
something something gaslighting something something unethical something something more kind to just kill a guy and rob him
as_seenon_tv ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:18:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Print 800 copies of small pictures of snoop dogg (snoop lion?), then post them up around their home in unexpected locations.
look_behind_youuu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:18:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find the plug where their phone charger is plugged in. Unscrew it and disconnect the wires. Screw it back in.
demonic_intent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:18:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Collect all shoes in the place and leave them in their freezer. Attach note to freezer that says "#THUG LYFE".
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:18:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Exisael ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:18:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find someone with mild OCD. Break into their house while they're not there (obviously), and tilt all their light switches by a few degrees. Not enough to be really noticeable, just enough to subconsciously drive them nuts.
Cultkid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:18:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I mis-label the toothpaste and the preparation-H
iamatfuckingwork ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:18:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty good movie about this, The Edukators
locke-in-a-box ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:18:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange their kitchen cupboards.
Alekhines-Gun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal one of everything that has a pair. Earrings, shoes,
White_Barry_White ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange their future
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:20:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, so I'm not a burglar or I am?
Cyberevolt_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:20:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move somethings an inch to the left and others an inch to the right spot everything going feels a bit off
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:20:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would car jack people but instead of joy riding I would pimp their car and return it. Literally like on the show, fix the mechanical issues and add the most obnoxious tacky upgrades that don't make any sense for the pos car they have. Originally they kept the car because it still ran ok and they were ok with its looks but now it runs great and looks like hot shit.
Pele2048 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Will the seats spit hot fire though?
libmac ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:20:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There was a burglar in my town that used to shit in the living room of every house he robbed
nightwheel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:20:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap their food and supplies with like products. If they get name brand stuff, swap it with the generic. Vise versa if they only go for the generic. Mix as needed.
ericxkim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:20:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take a shit in the closet
Burns2211 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all their TV remote batteries with dead ones
LRobertson95 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take one lace out of each pair of shoes
Vesalii ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all furniture 5cm to the side.
ColeMacGrathcubed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all of their adult toys and put them on their kids' beds
GlaciusTS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I leave traces of porn on their TV, Computer and any other device that can access porn. And I leave notes requesting comments on my taste in pornography to be left for my next visit.
Majikthise110 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find where they keep the video games and swap around all the discs.
my_biscuit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place the potatoes and onions in the refrigerator.
Samisapirate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A few years ago, I was at Walmart grabbing a new toothbrush when I ran into a guy I went to high school with. He explained to me that he needed a new toothbrush because someone broke into his house, made and apparently ate some food, took a shower, changed into some of my friends clothes, left his clothes behind, and brushed his teeth. No one knows why, and they never caught the guy. So that. I'd do that.
King_Ruto ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Step 1: Turn on all the T.V's and computers in the house.
Step 2: Put the audio on all T.V's and computers to max volume.
Step 3: Turn off all devices.
Step 4: Wait patiently for mild frights!
Wicked,yes I know.
Pick-me-pick-me ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Placing condoms in random hidden places ... Maybe a used electronic hotel key ...
c499 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place a few mines around the house, that'll get 'em good.
Xsnibz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put water all the toilet paper, napkins, and paper towels.
Electroniclog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn the toilet paper the wrong way in all the bathrooms.
Set all the clocks 5 minutes behind.
OntarioBiotch93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide the backs of all the remotes. Empty ice trays (if they live like I do). Remove extra TP rolls from bathrooms.
DirtyThi3f ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had a couple-friend who were trying to get pregnant (had not been trying long) - I went to a Chinese herbalist in the mall I work and asked what they had for this and it was some kind of snake extract; possibly snake sperm because he mimicked what I could best describe as milking a snake.
Got the bottle, which was labeled "Snake liquid - Make baby", and hid it in their medicine cabinet. They both found it and then told me independently that they found it and that their partner was getting pretty desperate. Asked if I thought they should talk to the other one about what they found.
crappy_snacks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Upper decker in all toilets
Tyboughner7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
peel the labbels off all thier canned food.
Siriacus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sneak in at night and tangle the headphones still on their just to fuck with 'em.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I look in their cabinet and see which brand of cereal they don't eat.Then,every day after they eat breakfast I change the cereal in the bowls in the sink to the brand they don't eat.I also scatter a few bits of the cereal near the dining area but I leave the original cereal untouched.
constant_paradox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change all the menus on their electronic devices to Spanish, poop in their shoes, and leave a chihuahua in the house.
hysterical_cub ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide food around their house
MystyDikship ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Decorate their entire home, inside, and out for Christmas. Go all out! Inflatable Santa, Snowmen, and Elevs. Obnoxiously loud music, and strobe lights. Blast every inch of their cars with that spray on snow/frost crap, and decorate them as well.
forfauxsake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jerk off in the shampoo.
fencehoppa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the toilet paper out of all the bathrooms.
see_the_lanes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:25:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything two inches to the right
AeliusJS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:25:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all of their large bills with singles and quarters. Wallet with 5 20s? Congratulations, you now have 100 1 dollar bills.
Edetj ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:25:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move their furniture in one direction like an inch or so, so that they hit their toes on the corners of the furniture.
MelancholiaKills ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:25:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into their house in the middle of the night. Scream "Fire!" On the top of my lungs until they wake up disoriented, then run away.
cromeo24 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:25:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Get all toilet paper, Kleenex, paper towels, and napkins soaking wet.
left_narwhal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:25:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip the toilet paper direction on the holder everyday, except Tuesdays.
Hodgkins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:25:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch their powdered sugar and corn starch!
onmydadscomputer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:25:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave a lava lamp
Aiku ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I replace things with almost-exact replicas.
paxilrose89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
omg this happened to me just this week:
I came home from work and found my toilet brush in my bathroom sink. It seemed like such a gross, disrespectful thing I immediately started thinking of who had access to my apartment and might want to send me a "message".
I checked my email and it turns out they had had a leak and had to check the toilets on my floor (normally they are good about giving 24 hour advance notice) the really gross part is the maintenance person just forgot to put the stuff back, they probably put stuff from people's bathroom floors in their sink all the time as they do their repairs and just put it back and no one knows.
see_the_lanes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put loads of washing up liquid/bubble bath in the tank of the toilet.
Next time they flush they're in for a surprise.
amagicalwhimsy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the Locks
Rcove28 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I delete all their DVR episodes, even Game of Thrones. Then I hide the remotes in the ceiling fan. They'll turn it on days after having bought new ones and be so confused!
muffinbaker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nair in their shampoo bottle.
Clockwrrk22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:27:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place full size pickles in the toilets. Just leave them floating there.
dirtybatch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:27:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do what I do now. Come at night and steal a single sock
nerdybirdie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:27:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip their toilet paper around to the other direction.
Namaste111 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:27:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But if you burgle...do you not steal ?
do_you_like_my_nuts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:27:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange shit. Like the TV and the couches and fuck it even the bed.
YossarianRex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:27:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We actually did this to a guy on our hall freshman year of college.
Break in night after night and move everything in the room 1-2cm to the right every day. Over time they will finally notice and move the couch back to where it should be. When they do. Take EVERYTHING and move it outside the house/apartment... Preferably arranged around a pool.
1023megabytes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:27:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take out all the food from their fridge and rearrange on the floor to spell "I know what you did". Also put in their toilets some sealed up plastic bags loaded with all their batteries.
gooneryoda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:28:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Delete their DVR stuff
AlbusDomitiusScipio ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:28:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put a rake outside their bedroom door facing upwards. Hope they walk out the door rubbing their eyes.
Alternatively invite a homeless man into their house and tell the guy the home is yours. Tell him to sleep on the couch. Sneak out while said guy is asleep. Trust me the owners will wake up puzzled.
Totes_Joben ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:28:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Someone once smashed my front passenger window, pulled everything out of my glove box including a GPS, and left it all on the front passenger seat. And that was it... I don't think I'll ever figure out what the point was.
IronfootBear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:28:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange all the dishes in the cabinets. Move the plates to the cup cupboard, and put the cheese graters with the bowls, etc.
Lightstruct1650 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:28:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put the toilet paper on the wrong side ;)
Summer_VonSturm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:31:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You monster.
Hypohamish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:29:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the furniture 3 inches to the left
kcMasterpiece ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:29:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I replace all of their doors with bead curtains.
Key_nine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:29:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the thermostat in the oven to be 200 degrees off and change the thermostat on the wall to be 20 degrees off.
DarkestChaos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:29:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
B & E's.
fingernose ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:29:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I know I am late on this- but change all the light bulbs in the house to 40 watt (or lower if you can find them).
kamenkappa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:30:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place Legos all over the house
BaFungul ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:30:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Install very small speakers in the ceiling of their closet. Then, once a week at around 3:15 am, play the sound of children giggling.
Will probably work best if they don't have children.
withpurpose ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:30:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mark half of their unread emails as read. Just a few, leave a few of the others.
spyk32 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:30:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd go all Harry Tuttle and break in to fix peoples heaters
Disarmer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:30:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I drive a Jeep Wrangler with no top/doors on it 90% of the time. I came out of my apartment the other day and someone had emptied all of my console/glove box into my front seat and adjusted my seat to a very uncomfortable position. I still haven't managed to completely get it right again.
Browntown007 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:30:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find cell phones, edit contacts by switching the cell numbers for contacts they have with the same name. This is a fun one to do to your friends even if you dont break into their house.
sagas103 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:30:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave a lava lamp. Kick down the door. Kick down a closet door. Replace batteries with older batteries
plasmaflare34 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:31:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Superglue dimes to the floor tiles.
weareraccoons ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:32:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change all the clocks and alarms in the house.
devildocjames ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:32:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have a specific arrangement for my silverware. Soup/table spoons, all forks, teaspoons, butter knives.
I would check for that and move their arrangement. Maybe the drawer they're in too. Hell, while I'm at it, I'd do the same with the plates, cups, etc.
Notyourtechfrand ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:32:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal only the doors.
Tabyo13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:32:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch all doors in the house. The ones with locks get switched with closet doors (that don't have locks).
bobbyjohnsthe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:32:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in high school, a buddy and I literally made "break into your house..." jokes up. A few of my favorites:
I'm going to break into your house, use the restroom but not wash my hands
I'm going to break into your house and not wipe my feet at the door
I'm going to break into your house and steal your earbuds, but not your ipod
I'm going to break into your house and have a glass of water, but not put the cup in the sink
And then there was: I'm going to break into your house, take a bath, dump in the tub, and not drain the water.
elwynbrooks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Log them out of all social media on their computers/tablets/phones and delete those passwords if they're saved
stephenc-w ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Slightly open every banana, like not enough to notice it, but enough to unripen it over time.
ifixputers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Then you aren't a burglar.
Th3Element05 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:34:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Photoshop myself into their family photos.
modernman312 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:34:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove the labels from all of their canned food. Simple. Fast. Evil.
RandyMachoManSavage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:34:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fart pocket the sheets just before they get out of the shower.
Enragedocelot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:34:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all of their furniture a few inches to one side causing them to stub their toes
agumonkey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:34:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd hack their internet box to add a 3 seconds delay on DNS requests.
Lawl73 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:35:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all their furniture an inch or so one way or another so they'll stub their toes on everything.
shmueliko ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:35:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Glue all the drawers in their house shut
MythArcana ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Glue cans of spam to the ceiling.
BusyDitch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip mattresses and box springs. Everything is fine and dandy til you hop on that wooden box spring at night.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything to the right.
wdn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the orientation of the toilet paper.
Patrickd13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch all of their cable inputs around
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would replace their family photos with pictures of John Quincy Adams and then stow the family photos in some really obscure place in their home.
ShiggleGitz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove all the light bulbs in the house and stick them in the cupboards above the stove/refrigerator. (Seriously no one really checks these.) Take only the left shoe of every size in the closet and put them under the bed. Take a dump in the INTAKE vent so crap smells through the house immediately. (Seriously, who wants to wait for results?) Glue only one trophy to the laundry room ceiling (because no one thinks to look UP.) Put a bucket in the sink and fill it with orange juice. Frame the Elvis LP and hang it on the wall. Reset all the televisions to only work on AUX mode.
dehydratedaardvark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Open every book in the house and write the word "Limpopo" on every single page.
ryandg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unlock all of their doors and windows, every night.
4and3and2andOne1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is the plot of the following
GrumpyKitten1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change all the locks to ones you need the key to open from both sides then hide the keys all over the house (leave the ones used to lock them in taped to the outside of the appropriate doors).
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
give the cat a lion haircut and dye it purple
ApacheFYC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I move everything in their home 3 inches to the right. Paintings, picture frames, couches, beds. All of it
Early_Cuyler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would turn Dane Cook stand up bits into Ask Reddit questions.
iugiugiugiug ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
turn off sounds and hide their phone
BlownHappyKid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm such a great person.
Videntis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stealing one sock a week goes a long way.
bigbode ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We're the wet bandits!
mikeysk8s1999 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Work at the dmv
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd only break into houses of couples. I'd stalk them and I wouldn't break in until the morning after date night when they leave for work. I'd walk in the house, open the fridge, and eat their left overs.
jjdubbs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reverse the toilet paper roll.
PorkRollSandwich ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Either upper decker them or change every interface to a random different language.
Hypetrain101 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move every furniture they have five inches in any direction possible
Vashgrave ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dye all eggs various colors in fridge and replace milk with different percentage...also glue different colored hair to different animals, including feathers on cats
Arttekeov ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put a bobble head man and a lava lamp in the middle of a corridor
facial_montgomery ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange furniture. Like kitchen table in the hall way where the reading chair was
BAXterBEDford ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So, you're the Manson Family. Before the Tate/LaBianca murders they did dry runs they called "Creepy Crawly" where they'd break into people's houses while they were sleeping and rearrange the furniture.
jrm2003 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If they live near a place with foot traffic, install a motion sensor in line with their doorbell. Every time someone walks by, their doorbell rings.
They pop out: "Can I help you?" and the person standing outside is baffled. "Um. No."
Hoegn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:39:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This actually happened to me! My mom and I were supposed to bring one of our old couches to her friend's house and her daughter would be home to let us in. They lived in an apartment complex where all the houses looked the same, so we knocked on the door and the daughter let us in, but seemed weirded out by the whole thing. When we finally get the couch into their apartment, my mom gets a call from her friend asking her where we were. Turns out we reversed the numbers in her address some random girl let us drop a couch off in her living room.
shapookya ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:39:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
switch the drawers in the kitchen
pkenny72 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:39:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange their cabinets.
Equinoqs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:39:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fill the salt shaker with sugar.
em_jay_cee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:39:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Water the plants and take out the garbage. They'll never know what hit them
jacob3441 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would unroll all of their toilet paper.
mulatto-asian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Get loads of birds and animals, feed them laxatives and allow then to reek havoc inside the locked house.
sega31098 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace their instant coffee with flax seeds.
Uncle_Rabbit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave helium balloons with fish tied to them in the house.
Hurtreynolds2121 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
throw a brick through the window with exactly enough money to replace the window attached to it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why not both? I'd unplug everything I can and steal every cord in the house. Every power cord, every charging cable, every connector, every adapter, any cord that connects to anything powered.
abitdamaged ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:41:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would switch directions of all the toilet paper rolls, change all the alarms to go off 6 minutes early, and switch the "o" and "u" keys on all the keyboards.
Paaaaamolaaaaa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:42:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the backs off of all the earrings
ibelieveineveryone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:42:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Write in a big poster and tape it across master bedroom door:-
"If I can break into your place, it would be a cakewalk for a serial killer. So, for God's sake, upgrade your security system if you don't want to end up in some guy's soup or steak.
By the way our company XYZ offers huge discount on security systems. No installation charges".
XYZ being the rival's company, that asshole took half of my business away!
IronicDuke ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:43:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cut the end of every cable no matter what it was!
DoctorWest ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:43:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip all the toilet paper around so it is backwards.
CountBawkula ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:44:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all their cereals with bran flakes but leave the original boxes
owneironaut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:44:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Open every unopened food and beverage, but don't eat or drink anything.
damrider ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Empty all of their toothpaste, shampoo bottles, dish soap, etc.
brainsapper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange their furniture.
BufordSantana ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Empty all the liquids in the fridge and put the empty containers back in there.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
SadGhoster87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:27 on July 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ha, you have to gild me now.
standard_peanut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put spiders in their drawers, cupboards, shoes, etc.
wmtiger86 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I like this but where do you find spiders in bulk? Crickets, however....
standard_peanut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, crickets would be good. Maybe there's some exotic pet that eats spiders.
Neapola ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The other day somebody stole everything in my apartment and replaced it with an exact replica... When my roommate came home I said, "Roommate, someone stole everything in our apartment and replaced it with an exact replica." He looked at me and said, "Do I know you?" - Steven Wright
CruellaDevillee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If their doors have dual locks, change only 1 of them so the key will work for one and not the other.
Swahilisack415 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would leave a few seconds on the microwave after using it.
Maggiegirly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the times on all of the clocks and turn off their alarm clocks.
NamingIsDifficult ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find every single key chain in the house and swap the keys onto different chains.
r0cx89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the batteries and charge cables for the cell phones, Controllers and remotes.
graogrim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Alphabetize their bookshelves. Reverse the direction that the toilet paper rolls. Neatly fold and put away their dirty laundry, making sure to mix all the socks.
pac_man2k5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I asked my girlfriend she said, "Oh I know, I'd leave the blender on with no lid", to which I replied, "with what inside the blender?"
"With something splashy", she says.
AcousticDan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I see you watched the Dane Cook standup.
sxcamaro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This happened to my parents in the early 80s living in Garfield Heights, OH. Someone kicked in the front door, opened all the windows, removed towels from their linen closet/tossed on floor, and then left. The police that reported were not surprised and said 6 other homes had an identical B&E pattern. They assumed it was kids messing around and or people looking for drugs/money.
dbuck79 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:47:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the batteries out of the remotes, controllers, etc.
PlantGlue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:47:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Then you're not a burglar you're an asshole.
SomeoneWhoIsntYou ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:47:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
She does this in the movie Amelie. I'd tell you what she does but the movie is good and you should just watch it.
Watttaw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:47:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove photos from frames hanging on walls and put them back upside down but the frame is still correct side up. Same with desk photos. Maybe change locks out on doors if enough time. Make things really obvious but also very disconcerting. "This bastard was here long enough to change my locks!!!" Would be a horrible horrible feeling
Stegtastic100 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:47:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything (possible) 1 inch to its left.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:47:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into their car and change all of their radio presets.
FartMartin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:47:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave an upper-decker. Good fun for all looking for the stank.
The-Bent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:47:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would hide one of those things that beeps once every few hours inside of several wall outlets around the house.
Neapola ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:47:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch the contents of their salt and the pepper shakers.
AbletonsAmongUs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:48:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
At a business, I would switch the men and women signs on the restroom. Could you imagine the confusion when women go into the bathroom and see a urinal, think they went in the wrong one only to come out and see it is the women's restroom
Couch_monster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:48:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go to kitchen. Find potatoes. Stack potatoes in Stonehenge-like structure in bathroom.
Thistleknot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:48:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
put condoms in the bathroom
shortbread22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:48:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Set all their clocks back 1 hour.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:48:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Coat all of their possessions in gold leaf.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:48:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would break in when everyone is sleeping and strategically place lego bricks so that when the owners get up and get on their feet, the first thing they would step on are the legos.
Pyrokills ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:50:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take it down a notch Satan.
nightspirit322 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:48:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find a way to transfer their shampoo into their conditioner bottle and vice versa
peterqub ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:49:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If they have hard floors, pledge every inch.
TaliaChi1979 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:49:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal one thing from their closet every week. I had a friend do this to me leading up to April Fools and it was brilliant. I thought I was going mad because clothes aren't something you typically don't lose or misplace.
blink121990 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You obviously haven't met my gf.
nd4spd1919 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:49:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace the margarine with mayonnaise.
Arabprinc3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:50:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide all of the batteries.
iamtheowlman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:50:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Redecorate. Specifically in the stark black-and-white style of the late 1980s.
jacob3441 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:50:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
1) Download the entire audio of the directv help channel 2) Place a speaker in their walls, and rewire some power to it 3) Begin the torture!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:50:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find an unlocked car and flip their air fresheners upside down. That's what happened to me, anyway.
galanir ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:50:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove all the labels of their tin cans so every meal is a surprise meal
lars10000100 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:50:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If i have a lot of time: turn all the couches and stuff upside down or paint the wall neon pink
If i have little time: hide key items like the remote control or phone chargers
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:50:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy one of those smoke detectors that beeps when the battery is low, place a dying batter in it and then put it inside their ceiling between floors.
OhioMegi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:50:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch drawers in their kitchen.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:50:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd leave things in their house that they'd need to use to piece together a story. Objects, notes, SD cards with documents, videos, and audio files. Eventually it would take them to other nearby locations with more clues. Then it would just drop off and the person would get no complete answers on the surface.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:50:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace their light bulbs with eco friendly fluorescent bulbs, and start slowing removing all their paper products. Also replace all their meat with vegan products.
kasahito ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:50:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move their living room into their kitchen and their kitchen into their living room
TimtheBigDaddy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:51:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd switch things around, meaning I'd take stuff that's in one drawer and put it in another. Also, if the person had a litter box I'd take a dump in it to make them think their cat is sick. (Cards Against Humanity Reference)
mrfrobinson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:51:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kick in the closet door and leave a lava lamp.
cartmancakes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:51:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The wet bandits
poofbird ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:51:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace their goldfish with a slightlt smaller goldfish.
Fish_Supreme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:51:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
pour syrup everywhere.
agumonkey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:51:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd wear all hinges so they creak and are off just enough to forbid proper closing.
American_psycho77 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:51:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn the toilet paper around so it rolls the other way.
musicjcmerrr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:52:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put a pregnancy positive pregnancy test on the restroom counter at a place where only the guy is the one that lives there.
Put a condom wrapper on the bed where only the girl is the one that lives there.
_Satan_Clause_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:52:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace ALL the family pictures with James Brown's mugshot.
stromm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:52:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal one sock from the dryer.
WhiteEspresso ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:52:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change all of the hanging photos on the wall to upside down. I do this to my mom and she won't notice for about a week.
themikeswitch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:52:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
take the batteries out of the remote
hide the can opener
upper decker
iaminfamy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
https://i.imgur.com/uA2Nv.jpg
TheMac4D ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the TV to the wrong HDMI input. People just can't ever seem to fix this!
220AM ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all the toilet paper with paper towels and paper towels with toilet paper.
Malik112099 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rub fiberglass insulation in different spots on their furniture.
sullyhandedIG ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Keep Putting the object in places where the would think they forgot it then , after a while once they're used to this , just steal the thing .
NoKidsThatIKnowOf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:54:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace the sugar with salt Add vinegar to the milk And, because I'm in San Diego, replace all the craft beer with Coors Light
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:54:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would open up all their computers and take the majority of the RAM out.
dukes94 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:54:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take a few eggs out of the carton, hard boil them, and place them back in
PancreKing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
File the rubber buttons on remotes down so they're flush with the plastic frame. Forcing them to press really hard, and now they don't know what button is what
JayJJoker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave some pineapples in some unconventional places. Do this for several weeks, then stop for some time. Repeat. Bonus points if he gets a heart attack in the supermarket.
Eowyn-where ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put a milk cup in the sink
Aristartledd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would keep hiding charging cables. Mwahaha - is your laptop almost out of battery...... It would be a shame if you couldn't charge it.
Chuckeythebear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move people's rooms into other rooms. For example, moving the kid's room into the parent's room, and moving the parent's room into the kitchen, moving the kitchen into the basement, and moving the basement back to the parent's room.
Wonderingwanderr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dig a hole under their house, install a door in said hole, connect a red stone circuit to it so its in a constant open/close loop, fill hole up, leave.
ToastyChocobo23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would remove the caps off pens in public areas that have them out for people to use. And for the pens that are in those stands i would just take the stands so the ink dries out.
jsmoo68 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unplug all of their electronics - tv, computers, microwave, etc. And take all the batteries from their remotes.
Edit: and/or go into their sock drawer and take one of every second or third pair of socks.
MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
ReverendSpanky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make their bed.
Tetriside ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Roll up all the ends on their tape and plastic wrap dispensers.
DJBecks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change their TV input from HMDI1 to HDMI2.
mixeddrink ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A buddy of mine used to do this when we were in high school - he once broke into two houses on opposite sides of the street and switched the master bedroom mattresses. Made the beds and everything.
Thislsnotmythrowaway ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace their milk with Soured milk every day
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take only half of their valuables.
Applepeanutbutterpie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find every clock in the house and set each one so that they're all different by a few minutes
Put opaque tape on the optical sensor of computer mice
Every day, set the thermostat so that it's one degree colder
Each day, turn off a power circuit for a random room
Take the cereal out of cereal boxes and replace it with crushed Cheezits
Take all of their knives, scissors and other cutting tools and put them in the cabinets. Zip-tie all of the cabinets closed, but leave out one pair of scissors. Zip-tie those closed as well.
Rearrange the furniture in their bedrooms
Leave little pieces of fake mouse shit in the corners of the rooms on the floor
Dump legos on the floor
Skellig-Anchorite ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave a copy of the movie The Edukators, after rearranging the furniture of course.
Anything you do will be blamed on their influence anyway...!
In 2006 a group of left-wing activists calling itself "Hamburg for Free" dressed as superheroes, robbing food from upper-class stores to distribute to the underclass. The media considered the crimes inspired by the film, and some protesters had T-shirts and banners reading "Die fetten Jahre sind vorbei" (The Edukators' original title). In 2009, a statue stolen from Bernard Madoff was returned with a note ("Bernie the Swindler, Lesson: Return stolen property to rightful owners") signed by "The Educators".
Good movie, recommended.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put the wife's dildos everywhere in the food while they sleep.
coolcoconut123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One time at work, me and my coworker worked night/evening shifts. We swapped the salt, sugar and pepper around on all of the tables in the canteen. I was a wild 17 year old
pronhaul2012 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would sneak into their house and poop in every single pair of pants they own.
toojer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace their laundry detergent with fabric softener. They'll think their clothes are getting clean, but be unsure because they still smell a little funky.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put bullion cubes in the shower heads.
Allfate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip their toilet paper rolls upside down in their bathrooms
HoboLaRoux ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn their light switches upside down and switch the arrangement of any that share the same cover plate.
TDOG951 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave light burn marks on various objects
Eharmonyhughes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If they're adults with no kids, I would block everything not rated g on their televisions.
DMannn89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove all batteries
Razlyk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all of their clocks back by a minute or two every day for months. Watch as they wake up a minute later every day.
I realize this would be funnier if they didn't use their phones to tell the time as well.
djoba ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put the shoes in the freezer
meep30 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:59:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me of a night out drinking some years back. We were coming back to my friends apartment around 11pm on st pattys day pretty drunk. Someone let us into the building and we made our way to his door. But the keys wouldn't work. I also noticed a Chicago Cubs mat on the ground which I thought was weird since he was a Sox fan.
After trying multiple keys my rather large friend decided to ram the door with his body, shattering the door open. It was a hilarious sight to see. So I walked in and went straight to the fridge like any normal person does. I grabbed a Jimmy johns sandwich and took a bite out of it and turned on the TV. That's when I realized I didnt get any Jimmy johns, my friends apartment was never this clean and he didn't have a 70inch TV.
Then it all clicked for us at the same time. We were not in the right apartment. We broke into someone else's. So we booked it out of there.
The next morning I woke up with a TV remote in my pocket. That person is going to be so annoyed when he can't find his/her remote and sees a bite out of a Jimmy johns sandwich.
DelphiniusX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:59:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cut their bristles off their toothbrush muahahaha
Ace1999 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:59:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like a think tank training guide for COINTELPRO.
kevinnc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:59:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the TV remote to control the BluRay/DVD, and vice versa. Then after a month, change it back.
Intellectual_ass ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:59:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide a single sock
tullynipp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:00:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace their locks and swap out any lever styles door handles with door knobs.
I_Has_A_Cat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:00:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the order of the silverware in the drawer every few months.
bearwolf_mtdoom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:00:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is Dane Cook write the op? I'm pretty sure Dane cook wrote this
jhony_lo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:00:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the wrappers off of their canned goods or put salt in the pepper shaker and pepper in the salt shaker.
Bakshi-zaki ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:00:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd simply unlock their front door every now and then so they thought they had forgotten to lock up.
0Altair0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:00:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Spunk on their cookies and put a drop of it in their milk
m4cktheknife ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:00:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put rubber snakes in their toilets and place large, fake spiders everywhere.
DanielJMurillo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:00:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the language settings on all the devices in the house, and leave a note saying I peed a little in something in the house.
jim_the_joke_man ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Coat everything they own in "3m spray adhesive" and glitter.
SirFardenhard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I take all their valuables off their shelves, and put them into boxes or random containers. They think it is stolen, but no they are right there!
_watchout_for_12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything 3 inches to the left
I_R_Teh_Taco ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
poop and then dont flush
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unscrew all of the light bulbs and cook a bag of microwave popcorn too long.
ominusprezentz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shave the pets
charlie1529 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn everything upside down
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well I stop calling myself a burglar if no actual burglaring happens...
Froddoyo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into cars without damaging them and set all the gains on aftermarket amplifiers to the lowest.
Fuck with the thermostats in houses and if there computer isn't pin protected print screen there desktop and set is as the background and delete shortcuts. Then put the sugar in the salt bag and vise versa
Sparksnarcs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Those are amazing
n0remack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Assuming you have a lot of time:
Remove all the current furniture and refurniture the house with very old, unappealing 1970s couches, chairs, lamps, rugs, TV sets and bookshelves.
Like when you go to your grandparents house.
DominusXCII ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd steal there soap so they couldn't wash the thought of the robbery away.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We used to break into houses as kids. Used to drink people's soda and cereal. Buddy loved to take batteries out of remotes too. Then he started stealing money and jewelry so I stopped hanging out with him. He ended up doing a few years for stealing cars.
Sinsight2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Spread cockroaches eggs all over their cabinets and put nutrients for all the roaches in their venting systems
murdermonkey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn one piece of bread in the loaf near the middle upside down.
rvhack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Misplace all of the earring backs.
kevincreeperpants ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Repeatedly set their alarm clocks an hour earlier than they set it for.
pariah13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:03:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would leave singing cardboard Rick Astleys in every home.
NoisyDobad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:03:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I recently stayed at an AirBnB where the hosts had a half built puzzle stashed away in the corner of the room. I felt like Satan himself was forcing me to hide just one piece before I left in a random cupboard or something like that.
Gvprinceof06 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:03:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Googly eyes covering everyone's eyes in pictures.
AtomicGreenBean ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:03:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch their box springs with their mattresses. Completely replace the sheets so they have no idea its different, until they lay down.
HorrorsHome ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:03:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make the legs of all the tables uneven
Drusiph ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:03:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break in and rearrange all of their wall pictures and decorations, set all clocks back 3 hours, change the sock and underwear drawer, put the creamer in the crisper, move all bookmarks ahead 10 pages, switch all DVD's into random cases, lower all mirrors 8 inches, leave a happy birthday card in the deep freeze and leave.
goryIVXX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:03:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me of Dane Cook's B&E skit...
He realized he just wanted to kick in a door...
internetuser5736 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:04:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch their coffee with decaffeinated coffee.
mocvocker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:04:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn the roll of toilet paper the wrong way
RadioIsMyFriend ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:04:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plug the lamp into the socket that is not connected to the light switch. I guarantee the plug would be the last thing they troubleshoot.
1P221 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:04:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is something people do in some cases. It's about psychologically messing with someone. It's common for burglars to defecate in random places and typically they don't steal anything. They get a high from knowing they traumatized someone else.
rekekekt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:04:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal only the left shoe of the pair for every pair in the home
Mercuryn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:04:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything 6 inches to the right. They'll be stubbing their toes for weeks.
danirat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:04:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Poop in their toilet. Switch toilets each time. Maybe put some glitter in there too so they're reaalllly confused.
backspin_forward ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:04:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shift each piece of furniture an inch or two to the left and tilt each picture by a couple of degrees.
A bit more creative ... I would redo the main staircase so that one stair is an inch higher than the other ones. The homeowners would keep tripping while walking up the staircase with no clue why.
racingstripes103 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:04:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hit them with a spoon from Wendy's.
Demonic_Toaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:05:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all remotes put them in empty box of popscicles stash in freezer
banngr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:05:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide the remote in the freezer.
rielephant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:05:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sprinkle tiny lego pieces next to their beds. For maximum effect, also put legos in their shoes, so just when they have cleared the danger and think their feet are safe--nope.
Malinut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nah mate, three pin plug. (UK mains, 240v) Three pin plugs were actually adopted by medieval torturers when disembowelling was frowned upon.
Beadheadnymph ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:05:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break in and replace all framed photos with a picture of Rick Astley. Analogue rick roll?
TheFlyingFetus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:05:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Look for the fresh peanut butter jar to get that glorious first scoop.
Noteful ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:05:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch the forks and spoons around in the utensil drawer.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:05:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
TheDoctorDi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would like to buy some people spray. I have problems to solve.
justletmepostfu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put shampoo in the conditioner bottle
TheSweetestKill ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have a real life story that fits here I think.
A friend of mine came home to a broken back door window and the door opened. Clearly a burglar broke in. The door led to the kitchen, where my friend flicked on the lights and found the following scene: a pitcher of kool aid spilled all over the floor, and a handful of paper towels half way soaking up the spill.
He said that he remembered leaving the pitcher on the counter before he left, so our best guess was that some guy broke in, accidentally knocked over the pitcher in the dark, and his domesticated instincts kicked in and he started to clean it up. Then he realized "what the fuck am I doing, I broke in here" and immediately left.
Nothing was stolen.
cboulanger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the timezone settings on all their devices. Move them an hour back.
OShaunesssy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
change all the clocks in their house to different time zones
heftyspork ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:07:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove and re-install all of their USB ports on their devices upside-down. You thought you knew how to plug the printer in behind your PC without looking? Not anymore.
_Cookiefish_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put random assortments of pasta into every nook and crany in the house
Jksaw2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn on automatic updates on their windows computer. It will be a fun suprise for them to see windows 10 suddenly installed.
pick-a-chew ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Chop off the bristles of toothbrushes and unlace ppl's shoes.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go to a shady website and download ridiculous amounts of malware/adware onto their computer, also put a random sheet of colored paper in their printer
PostalFury ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:09:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Post this question with their account.
lowkeymokeymokey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:09:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal their TV remote and change the channel whenever I drive by their house
LittleLilka ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:09:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break in, and switch everything around in their cabinets (cups where bowls are, pots and pans where plates are, etc.)
Then move every piece of furniture a foot to the right.
Calkky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:09:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide a little device that beeps at random intervals under their floorboards
ImmortalCorruptor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:09:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reverse the direction that their doorknobs turn.
Reverse all of the coat hangers in their closets.
Rearrange their silverware drawer(put knives where forks were, spoons where knives were, etc).
Rearrange their dresser drawers(put pants in the shirt drawer, shirts in the sock drawer, etc).
Rearrange the pantry.
Rearrange the cupboards.
Turn everything on the coatrack inside out.
Rotate all of their furniture clockwise by 2-3 degrees.
Paint their walls one shade darker/lighter.
Turn all of the books on the bookshelf upside down.
70m4h4wk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:09:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all their clocks back 9 minutes, hide all their toilet paper, and dump lego on all their carpets.
boiled_egg_haircut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:09:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make a mess and make it look like i took something, but in reality everything is still there. They will get really confuesed trying to figure out what i took
leafbugcannibal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:09:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go to book shelf. Remove all Berenstain Bears books. Replace with Bernstein Bears books. Repeat in parent's house. Repeat in all houses.
dZyad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:09:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
would mix sugar and salt...
jalabi99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:10:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sign them up to some random food delivery service.
"Hon, who subscribed to Omaha Steaks Monthly? We're vegetarians!"
Oscar_bejesus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:10:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mix up all of their DVDs, Blu-Rays, and CDs. I'd also take the batteries out of everything.
Mackbrown17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:10:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave a Lava Lamp
Malinut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:10:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all their light switches upside down.
RegularMetroid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:10:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would pee in the back of their toilet and then unplug all their stuff
oWatchdog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:10:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Buy Junk from yard sales and leave it in beliveable spots around the house. "Honey, why did you get this hideous cup? Well, it's with the other cups, and I didn't buy it."
Veritech-1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:10:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I swipe all their light bulbs and batteries.
Reathonax ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:11:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
might be too noisy but switch the furniture of all the rooms around but do a nice enough job that they don't wanna move it back
JashanTheCreator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:11:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch up all the pictures on the walls. Do t replace them but just move them around. Change where they're hanging
TheRealKidsToday ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:11:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move every piece of furniture slightly to the right so it's barely noticeable.
office_procrastinate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:11:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously, the people answering on this thread are monsters.
nicedart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:11:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go to the kitchen and swap all the pots and pans with their cups and glasses.
baskura ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:11:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go to the fridge and drink all of the milk. Always.
Every time milk is in that fridge, I'm drinking it. They will never understand where the milk goes, but that's just the way she goes.
Edit: Actually thinking about it, I'd break in and fart on their pillows for great justice.
Matchboxx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:11:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I vaguely remember hearing a story about some guy breaking and entering and just stealing TV remotes to drive the residents crazy looking for them. For some reason I think that was a Dane Cook bit.
KingDvito ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:11:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd start by lifting all the toilet ๐ฝ lids. While I was in the bathroom why not take the rolls of paper off the holders and set the rolls on top of the rollers instead. In the bedroom lets pull out a couple pairs of socks and toss them in random directions. Then set a pair of boots in front of the door on my way out so the door hits the boots when opened. Lastly take the milk out of the fridge set it on the counter with the top off.
365wong ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:11:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change out the batteries in your smoke detectors with batteries that are almost dead.
frozzone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:12:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place food items of theirs around the house. I wasn't a burglar but use to do this at parties in high school with my buddies being immature. We thought it was hilarious and people were always confused
cloudtrail ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:12:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Get the whole block's wifi router names and switch all the router names with the nearby houses but they still have their own, correct passwords so it works fine. But it'll bug the owner why their wifi signal is low.
lilegg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:13:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Every week or so, buy a new mug. Break into their house and make a mug of tea or coffee. Drink half and leave it somewhere like the desk, the table, a counter. They'll just think they just didn't finish their drink and probably won't notice the new mug. But after several weeks, they'll notice all these new mugs appearing in their cupboard they swear they've never seen before.
the_fathead44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:13:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything in the kitchen to new cabinets, drawers, and shelves, then I'd turn everything in their house around so it was facing in the opposite direction of how it was originally faced. Couches, chairs, dressers, electronic devices, soap bottles, shower curtains... everything would be facing away. Oh, and I'd flip every picture upside down. Then I'd open every door/cabinet/dresser, turn on every light, turn on every electronic device with the volume all the way up, set off every alarm clock, turn on every fan and set it on high, and set the air conditioning to the coldest temperature on the highest setting.
Finally, I'd leave a small note on their coffee table with the message, "I couldn't find the pencil sharpener".
thisneedsathrowawayF ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:13:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was younger I kind of did stuff like this. My friends and I broke into this one house often because we knew the family was rarely there and unspool their toilet paper and switch coaxial cables from their VCR and TV. We stopped once the kid told us that his dad beat him and his brother because they got blamed for messing with the TV to hook up their nintendo.
abmaps ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:13:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all electrical outlets and switched around. Same with hot and cold water knobs
TransmogriFi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:14:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap the contents of two closets.
Voids_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:14:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Eat the left overs from that night. Then dont put the dishes in the dishwasher!
dorondoron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Paint a accent wall a slightly different shade every week until it was an atrocious color. Then once painted to a new color by the owner, paint it back.
Cacospectamania ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I once broke into a house and took all the lightbulbs from the first floor and placed them on the welcome mat. I cant even imagine how that fucked with the residence when they woke up.
kaloonzu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:16:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn off the toilet valves.
Gazoropazorpfield540 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:16:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Slowly take one sock from each pair they own
YoMammaSoThin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:16:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fill every bottle in the house with green dye.
waynedude14 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:16:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put coconut oil on all the door knobs every week
juanzack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:17:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Enter blind people's homes and rearrange the furniture every day
john6map4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:17:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Anything and everything that's on a wall. Posters, pictures, crosses, hats, hell even the nails that they're hung up on. It would drive them insane to see that previously occupied wall.
GirlwiththeGolfClubs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:17:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Simple.
Place a vintage doll in their favorite chair.
And make sure it's the kind of doll that has one of those creepy I-have-a-secret smiles.
PM_Your_Favorite_HEX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:17:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So OP, what are you up to?
Burnytheclown ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:18:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Loosen screws to everything, in some doors just remove pins to the hinges. If the bed has slats, shift the support slats so it's balanced just so until someone tries to get into bed. Mess with the chain in the toilet tank. Replace batteries in all the smoke detectors with old nearly drained batteries.
coryesq ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:18:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
True story. I once went into my friends dorm room and cut off all the labels to his can foods so the only thing left was a plain cans.
I wanna play a game. Is this peas or pears? Choose wisely mother fucker.
fpuk69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:18:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move shit around that they clearly don't use often, and swap the contents of drawers and cupboards at different ends of the house #headfuck
Woahthough ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:18:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If they had dish or direct TV I'd move all the remotes to the wrong room.
Or turn all the doorknobs backwards so the locks outside
Chiv_Cortland ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:18:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Download windows 10. Even on their Mac.
battering-ram ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:18:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make a fake Facebook profile and steal all the pictures of the ex and then say inappropriate shit to them as the ex. "I want you back".."it was my fault, I'm sorry give me another chance"
cameronward ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:18:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all their Xbox, PS4, etc. controller batteries with dead ones
Mandalorianfist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:18:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rotate the orientation of each room clockwise by one wall. Do this every couple of months.
sickb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:18:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change their keyboard layouts to German.
Try it and you'll find out why after some typing.
Oliqu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:19:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find chair, shorten one leg by just a wee bit
kotylak_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:20:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We did this one to our buddy. We unscrewed all the light bulbs in his place by a half turn so they wouldn't illuminate, but we're in perfect working condition.
Lasterba ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:20:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I replace one sock in their laundry with a different brand every week
royalenocheese ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
unplug the refrigerator every other week.
change the lock on the door.
WoodPusher99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put duct tape on the insoles of all of their shoes. Hopefully they won't notice until after they've been worn and gotten sweaty so that when they take off the duct tape the inside of their shoes will be forever gunky
puppypoet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Hide little pictures of creepy looking Oompa Loompas everywhere in their house. I did that to my best friend while she and my brother-in-law were in Hawaii. No joke,,it took over two years for her to find them all.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If they have cats, flip the toilet paper so they cat can waste the entire roll.
If they don't, put the toilet paper so you have to roll towards the counter/wall. That shit drives me insane, must drive other people insane too.
SlipScoT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:22:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Upper decker
bigheavyshoe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dye their pets completely different colors
Capnreid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:24:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ah gaslighting! See film Amรฉlie for further instructions..
Shootfaggotrappers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:24:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Their taxes.
svalis47 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:24:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would place watermellons around the house.
Doccompanion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:24:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave random things. Like a lava lamp or extra remote.
OblongOtter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:24:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place a small device that plays What's New Pussycat seven times, followed by one It's Not Unusual, followed by thirteen more What's New Pussycats every morning at exactly 7:36 am.
Rose_Beef ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:24:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the knobs off the stove.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:25:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all their furniture upside-down :)
The_man_named_dan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:25:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i would unplug everything. nothing would have power, not even the outlets. But there's more! i would then shift everything a few inches to the left.
BrianInYoBrain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:25:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Use a label maker and label everything incorrectly and glue the labels on crooked.
Yaboisteve69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:25:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take every left sock they own
bobfree1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:25:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go on to their computer and cancel all subscriptions to netflix, spotify, ect.
nelsonmavrick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:26:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Add individual socks to the dryer.
Stay-Puft-Pinkie-Pie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:26:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything in the house five inches to the right. It won't be obvious, but the owners will always feel like something is off.
ExplosiveGonorrhea ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:26:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all of their family photos with photos of Kanye West.
mrflibble1492 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:26:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Neatly fold all of their underwear and place their valuables on top in the underwear drawer
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm just going to steal a joke from Dane Cook and say i would kick open the door and place a new lamp on their table... then when they come home they'd panic "our house got broken into... did they steal anything?" and over the next few months " OH MY GOD WHAT DID THEY STEAL! ALL THEY LEFT IS THIS UGLY LAMP!"
1namyad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Look around at all of the wall outlets and steal whatever extension cables they have. It'll ruin EVERYTHING
AvalonSunset ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn everything in the cutlery to face the opposite way. So they would be picking up the prongs of the fork rather than the handle.
Avaclon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unplug their Ethernet cable
erasercreator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in halls at uni this girl always left her room unlocked. In a effort to teach her about security I opened a multipack of crisps then emptied all the individual packs back into the large bag. She didn't learn her lesson, eventually someone stole her laptop.
Wellhowboutdat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace one bulb with a burnt out one.
loakkala ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all their batteries with dead batteries. Get there cable information sign in so that he can change the channels while they're watching TV
PoopyMcgee63 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:28:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
hide their wallet in a really obvious place that way they'll be mildly frustrated with themselves for not thinking of looking for it in that place.
SatinSerpent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:28:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide all kinds of Nazi regalia around the house. Little pictures, items, flags...etc.
rnambu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:28:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put little garden gnomes around the house in conspicuous locations
Figur3z ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:29:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Constantly flip the toilet roll to being backwards.
jeric614 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:29:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all of their photos with Asian versions of themselves.
flashfyr3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:29:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Use my very basic electrical skills to change all of their multi-switch light switches to turn on different lights than they're used to.
may_attack_any_time ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:29:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I steal the router's wallwart.
Mooseandsquirrel53 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not original, but great. - Break into their garage and ADD a couple of gallons of gas to their car's tank. Do this for few weeks. Then, start taking the same amount OUT for the same period. . . at first, they' ll be amazed at their great mileage . Then. . . . . . .
squatchisreal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange the kitchen. Once per month. That way, after they get used to it, it will change again.
Sir_Meowsalot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave an unwrapped stick of butter in odd places.
Put googly eyes on random objects in their home and office.
Let loose one cricket in their home once a week.
Somethinggclever ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If they have brown eggs, switch 'em with white ones. If they have white eggs, leave brown.
sneakyrath717 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nail all the furniture to the ceiling
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
everything replaced with an exact replica
xalb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change new bateries with old ones every second day
Lower the RAM and try to slow down the CPU, also invert the mouse
Turn on the heating system at max
Drink the last Milk or Drinks
Reset their Router
Throw out one key at a week
Leave a letter telling the family about an old lady
SkainsmateBarnacle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:31:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move EVERYTHING about an inch to the left or right, they wouldn't notice the difference but they'd keep bumping into things
Lhumierre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:31:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go into a school and take all the writing utensils. ALL Pens, Pencils, Markers, Crayons, Chalk, everything and put them in the room that the principal puts all things they confiscate.
ToastMasterX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:31:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I did this with a friend while at college: friend lived alone quite near the college. One afternoon when he was away, we broke in by removing the putty from around a window and removing the glass pane (he lived in a really gross, run-down block but his actual place was ok on the inside).
We moved all his furniture around - moved his bedroom to his living room and vice versa. Swapped shower curtain for lounge curtains. Set his kitchen up in his bathroom - microwave toaster. Even carried his fridge to the hall (plugged it in. We're not monsters). Spent a whole afternoon doing it. What dicks.
Then he came back a few days later and... Never mentioned it. We thought he'd guess it was us and then we'd go help him put it back again. A week went by so we had to ask. But the only person he told was the police. Oops. And he struggled to put most things back himself. He did small scale pranks on us so we thought he'd figure it out. He wasn't angry about it - but we did feel like dicks that he took it so seriously.
titstiltuesday ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:32:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bake the best dammed lasagna of their lives. Pack up half in their Tupperware to take with me and leave the rest on their frig.
newyorker_les ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:32:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place a pregnancy test and hotel receipts by the bed.
caligujus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:32:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put Legos in all shoes
Mitchuation ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:32:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Start a YouTube channel called Prank City or something similar and make that sweet sweet YouTube money
ImpulseFlea92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:33:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unplug all the electronic
brjohns994 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:33:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide alarm clocks all over the house, and set them a minute apart.
Random-Miser ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:34:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I block sewer drains, and steal everyones left shoe.
cumonhertits717 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:37:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lick all of the silverware.
_Warlockster_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything I can about a foot in one direction
VioletTheBrave ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move every thing over two inches. Furniture, wall decorations, anything I can move.
venusblue38 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put all their DVDs and games in the wrong cades
xwallywest ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not call myself a burglar first off
Demorthus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave the toilet seat up.
Reverse the sheets/pillows on the bed.
Put the milk in the cabinet and cereal box inside the fridge.
WWWWWWGMWWWWWWW ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
go to the circuit breaker and white out all the switches and reaarange them.
unscrew each lightbulb by one rotation so it wouldnt turn on. whether it was on or off.
change the tv to espanol.
And leave 5 dollars on the table, why. The answer is better left unsaid.
R1150gsguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:39:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove everything in the house and replace it with exact duplicates
loulou8898 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:39:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide one shoe to a pair each week outside so they won't find it tell you've hid them all.
Camicles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:39:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Seek Dane Cook's advice.
Bardsly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:39:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find all the pencils in the house and line them up in perfect order on a desk or table. Sharpen them to all be the same length as well, so they'll find a row of perfectly straight and sharpened pencils next time they go to that desk/table.
goodoldharold ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
swap salt for sugar. make sure theres always a lo roll everyday then one day remove all loo roll and hope they ate the laxative laced/contaminated foods in their fridge.
GorillaThrowsBarrels ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd flip their toilet paper around.
runningforpresident ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Slowly hide their forks somewhere where they won't find them.
Professor_Porksword ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange everything in the house while they're away. They'll come back with a look of confusion while frantically searching throughout the house wondering what's missing.
skullaw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tale down all of their successful reddit post and then repost them to the same subs but on my account
Thuryn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You go through their Reddit histories, editing all of their comments and correcting grammar and spelling mistakes. For example:
Also, I pull all of the lightswitches out and make it so that down is "on" and up is "off". Reverse the toilet paper rolls (regardless of which way they were facing). Set all of the clocks 7 minutes
fastslow. Flip up the arm on the ice maker so it stops producing. Turn off only the hot water under the sink. Stuff the dryer vent full of socks. Put a piece of bacon along the very back of two kitchen drawers. Set the thermostat as high as it will go, then set the fridge to as cold as it will go. Turn the volume on the stereo ALL the way up and set all of the stations to country stations, except the third one is NPR. Swap around the dresser drawers. Turn every third book upside down on the shelf. Hide the second to last book in any series in the very back of the linen closet (like down deep behind the sheets you never use). If any gloves are found, put ONE of them on the upper shelf in the bedroom closet, unless that's where they were found, in which case, toss it behind the dryer.I could go on, and a lot of things that would be really annoying are also closer to "theft" like pouring milk into dozens of glasses and leaving them all over the house, since that "steals" the milk.
bittersweetwanderer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If they have cats/dogs/other furry pets, give them all lion cuts. Use the excess fur to leave a light dusting of hair over their leftovers and any other readily openable containers in the fridge like the milk or margarine. Bonus points if you have the skill to shave random words into their animals, like excelsior or guava, to create further wonder
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:42:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put a dickbutt sticky note on the front door.
Chernabog93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:42:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide everyone's left sock
pugsaremydrugs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:42:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
put finely crushed glass in the salt container
lolkingrd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:43:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Duplicate all their possessions
redbonehound ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:43:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal every remote and drive by the house randomly when the family is home and change the channel or turn something on/off.
OGNips ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:44:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ask the same question that people have been asking the past week
odood19 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:44:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Empty all containers and fill them with water. Even the tub and sinks. Every spice jar, cup, bowl, and shot glass in their kitchen. water in the gas cans and wine bottles in the garage.
Tortides ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:44:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would switch their sock and underwear drawers.
Mothergoose-85 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:44:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would have so much fun doing this. To start I'd put different coloured hair in their brushes/combs, then leave them in random places like the fridge or washing machine. I'd also take one of everything that's a pair and hide it. Oh and I'd swap things, like the shampoo into the conditioner bottle and visa versa. I love how this question brings out the evil little child in me lol
Pikapika2525 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:44:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This one is going to get buried but whatevs It's a long haul plan 1st, start faking proof that one of the people living there is sleepwalking Maybe get dirt and rub it on their feet/legs/pajamas. Make footprints with their shoes and leave the door ajar. Over time start throwing other activities in. Do their dishes, wet the sleeves of whatever they are wearing and dab detergent on their hands so they smell like it. Brush and groom their animals and cover them with the fur that came off. Rake their lawn and leave leaves in their hair. They think they're sleepwalking.
Then one day obtain a bag of human blood from where ever. Get a lot of it on them, drench their clothes and their hands. Make sure some is near enough their mouth to keep them guessing. Leave a bloody trail that leads to their bed but started outside, making sure that their is no obvious starting point (helps a lot if it's raining).
hoopa1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:44:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change their voicemail. Nothing would freak me more especially because I wouldn't notice for a long time.
N_D_V ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:44:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A little late to the party, but something my friends and I actually did during a party (which was hosted at his Mom's boyfriend's house) was move all the kitchenware around just to fuck with him. Figured it didn't hurt him, would just confuse him and be funny af.
dopestloser ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:45:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap his and her bedside tables. It's the little things
MSW235 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:45:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the labels off all the canned foods in the cupboard and glue the toilet seats down. However not before you upper deckecker the fuck out of the toilet and plastic wrap the doorways
Logan_LRK ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:45:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shit on the carpet
beegobuzz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:46:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Glitter in their shampoo.
marifomin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:46:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Add a new profile to their Netflix, add a bunch of movies to its list and let them find out that the list has a message on it.
IsNotToast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:46:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put bubble wrap on all the floors, walls and ceilings
MeriKat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:46:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Cut 1/2" off one leg off each chair/table. Wobbly ALL the things!
EDIT: my husband and I are having way too much fun with this. Other gems include:
Replacing half a bottle of moisturizer with KY Unscrew every light bulb just enough
There have been many others, but those were the highlights.
JamesBoll ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:46:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal a photo of someone in their family. Take that photo and print it, a LOT of times.
Return to the house the next day and cover their walls with those photos.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:47:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove all their furniture and build levels everywhere.
Show me the levels!
And, reverse their peephole.
SethofWinterfell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:47:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn on all the faucets in the house and leave them running. "The Wet Bandits" strike again!
soulrobo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:47:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A reverse robbery , give them all of your stuff.
GlamRockDave ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:48:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
peterockone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:48:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take their clothes and make the sleeves bigger on their shirts then they would think their shrinking LMFAO
GatorGladiator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:48:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't care how you explain it, I'M the one who hides your keys!!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Stazelney ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:48:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Has anyone addressed the fact that we all may be helping an annoying, lazy, burglar with their plans?
Gabeeeeen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go to their kitchen and switch which drawer has the silverware.
photocist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move dressers and tables a few inches. They will be running into things all day muwahahahaha
TTandTaVlogs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reset anything electronic "back to factory settings"
russ61959174 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My friends and I used to actually do this to another friend of ours. We'll call him David, because that was his name.
We discovered a basement window at his house that was perpetually unlocked, and an idea was hatched.
Every couple weeks while he was at work we'd sneak in and rearrange a piece of furniture. Once we even brought and left a used lamp in the den. Sometimes we'd eat his food and do the dishes when we were done, being sure to take all the trash we'd made with us when we left.
This went on for most of a summer. David never once mentioned a thing to us about it. To this day (20+ years latet) we still don't know if he even noticed.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Install a Bluetooth remote and drive by their house changing their TV channels.
DisposableTeacherNW ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:50:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tell them what I think about Brexit.
Mestitia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:50:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take a shit under their pillow or sheets and then make up the bed again.
twerkintwat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:50:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everyone's bookmarks back so they keep rereading the same pages.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:50:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take off the toilet seat... put it in the dishwasher. Remove the toilet, put it in the garage. Take off all couch and chair cushions put them under the beds. Take all pillows and blankets and move them onto the furniture. Line up beds on stairs. Stack dinning room furniture. Remove all light bulbs and hide them throughout the house. Exchange deadbolts with door knobs. Let dog out on leash.
TTandTaVlogs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:50:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put a proximity sensor on every picture frame and rig it to play "Photograph" by Nickelback every time someone walks by
wraith29399 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Poop on their coffee table.
go2bob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Over a month or so, slowly replace the salt with sugar.
I did this to my ex-wife. About a month in she was adding "salt" to her spaghetti at dinner. After the fourth load of "salt", she looked at me and asked: "Do you think the spaghetti is sweet?" I lost it right there. Best laugh ever!
10after6 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:54:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is this why she's your ex?
go2bob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:56:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
haha, nope. Both of us still find it funny.
Zonarion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch all of their game disc's and DVD's into different packages.
iMakeNoise ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Re-lace everyone's shoes to be extremely uneven.
kingezo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn the toilet paper rolls backwards, that oughta throw them for a loop!
ashfidel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch around all the inputs on their tv/HT system. Muahaha
Belviathan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all of my property into their home and call the police.
nahuatlwatuwaddle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put lubricated condoms on the inside knob of the bedroom doors, saran wrap the doorway at average face-height and shin-height, also toilet bowls, every sprayer nozzle for your sinks are taped, but I used a lighter to make the scotch tape blend in with your sprayer handle.
deepseablu1991 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unplug their fridge. Mwahahaha
cons_pick_u_us ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It was stealing, but it was both confusing and annoying.
Somebody broke into a house that I had just started to rent. The still-in-the-box flat screen TV was there, there were plenty of electronics around, and he could've easily taken the video game/movie collection. Heck, I had even left my wallet there accidentally with $59 in cash overnight.
All he took, however, was a frozen pizza, half of a pad of Post-It Notes, and a single bottle of Mountain Dew.
I knew it wasn't somebody with a key, because the security cameras showed somebody wearing a hoodie and very conspicuous pink gloves cutting a hole through the fence and breaking the glass of the patio door.
Still, the fact that only the pizza, the Mountain Dew, and those Post-It notes were stolen made me wonder if it was a prank.
Tortured myself for days trying to figure out which of my friends did it, or if one of my friends did it all, since I kind of needed the money to have the door fixed.
Kempeth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sort all their physical media (books, dvds) by the Dewey Decimal system.
Release 4 guinea pigs with the numbers 1, 2, 3 and 5 respectively on their backs
Gently break out the keys on their keyboard and put them back in alphabetical order. If they have two then just swap m and n on the second.
Place Do not disturb signs on their front doors every night. Stalk them to find out where they vacation and follow them to continue to do this. If they ever hang the sign with the "please do my room now" side out, launder their sheets and towels, then move to a new target.
QueenAshliegh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Each night, i would simply drive a 4 foot long spike into the ground, but just enough so that it remains upright, after a few nights a person would notice they have several big ass spikes in their yard, once they start removing them, i stick a spike right outside they front door, with a note attached to it saying "Fuck NCR" and a box right next to it filled with fake dynamite and a blue jacket... i dont know where im going with this so i'll just leave it there
Eve_Asher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into a guy's house and leave cryptic notes in his landlord's handwriting on his desk. Delete his webcam files.
OP0110011 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This should be a r/writingprompts
SenorFric ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's actually a german movie about this topic (or at least similar). It's about three young people who break into houses of rich people and rearrange their furniture. They just want to show them that something is changing and they shouldn't feel too secure about their lifestyle and wealth.
http://m.imdb.com/title/tt0408777/
TheycallmeMrMike ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into a certain car once a week and adjust the driver seat ever so slightly.
andythedev ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rather than taking their items, I add items (that they already own) to their house.
I start with something subtle: an extra pencil on the desk, an extra bag of crisps in the cupboard. As time goes on, the intensity of my malicious acts intensifies until one day my victim returns to the house and realizes they don't remember buying that second car.
Yankee582 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal batteries and door knobs
DemonicSquid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find the condom drawer. Pierce each one with a needle.
Find the KY jelly, add itching powder.
thatrandomperson12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:54:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything a couple inches to the left. It makes people feel like there's something really, really wrong when there isn't.
Zonarion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:54:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Moving all of their items around into hard to find places is about as bad as stealing them.
MrFML ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:54:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
back when I was in the military, I used to switch people's bed head to foot and make it perfectly neat. the confusion was priceless because usually no one noticed at first.
also..
I would put lotion in napkins, then take the lotion, dirty napkins and a strange magazine and leave it sitting around.
is it strange that I get the most amusement out of people's reaction to things like that? I really love capturing those WTF moments people go through as they process.
creace ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:54:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace Heinz with Hunt's ketchup
WhyLater ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:54:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm surprised nobody has said "leave a lava lamp".
Irish828 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:55:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sit them in a room with my mother for 5 hours. They will do whatever I want after that!
tanplan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:55:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Watch a movie called 3 iron. Its something like that...
PiNKCaNDYxOxO ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:55:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I go in the kitchen and move everything to different locations. Like, lets say the utensil drawer was near the fridge, id move it by the sink. Or if the cups were above the sink, id move it to where the dry foods were stored, and move that to where the pots and pans were, and move the pots and pans somewhere else.
AirRaidJade ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:56:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange ALL of their furniture, and not just by a little bit, completely re-do all of their rooms. Flip decorations upside-down. Put photographs upside-down in their frames. Repaint a wall. Buy a calendar identical to theirs and copy all their appointments and times onto it but on different dates. Replace all their lightbulbs with coloured lightbulbs. Turn their TVs around so they face toward the walls. Take everything out of their cabinets and drawers and put them back away but in different places. Install curtain rods and curtains on walls that do not have windows. Take doors and hinges off their frames and turn them around so that they open from the other side.
jdcasiglia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:56:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all the toilet paper in a bathroom with half ply
SKJ07 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:57:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything in the house a couple inches to the right, its a small change but will have your victims walking into all their furniture.
Lentilk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:57:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Somehow block the diodes in remotes and/or tellies so they wouldn't be able to send/recieve the signal so they would have to change the channels manualy.
EvixiusKane ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:58:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all their couches 2 inches to the left. Guaranteed someone will stub their toe the next day and nobody will understand why.
browntown84 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:58:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There is a german movie called The Edukators, I think, where they do this with anti-capitalist and revolutionary undertones to rich people.
xXJuanSanXx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:58:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ah yes! I would switch every drawer in their bedrooms, and set their clocks and alarms 15 minutes ahead. Let the confusion, frustration and desperation commence getting ready for work!
Yearlypick27 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:58:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Set all their clocks back 2 hours.
fyrestorm90 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:58:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This one requires either a universal remote or a smart phone with an IR blaster. Find super religious family. Find window that can see TV and program remote or phone. Set series recordings for anything that would be in a LGBT playlist. Bonus: if they have On Demand (or similar feature) rent all the porn, scattered over many nights so it shows in the recently viewed screen.
Bumjungle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:58:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange all the drawers and cabinets in the kitchen
kids_guwop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:59:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ALL.THE.TOILET.PAPER.
GaProgMan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:59:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all the batteries in any remotes I find with shifty half asked batteries and leave a lava lamp in the living room.
MavGore ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:00:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal all of the garden knomes, position them randomly around someone's house
IAMApsychopathAMA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:00:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take shits in their hollowbody guitars of course, you gotta take out competition as a musician
henrymly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:00:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the photos displayed all throughout the house, scan them, photoshop yourself in the photos, print them, hang them back up like nothing ever happened, wait. ;)
YTKRevenge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:01:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything know the house 2 inches to the left, seems really simple but it'll throw almost everyone off
Paranoid_Pancake2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:01:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nice try Dane Cook.
HeavyOnTheHit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:01:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Okay, story time.
A few years ago when the mrs. and I were still flatting (together), strange things started happening. At first it was nothing major. Things would occasionally be in the wrong place, and the other flatmates claimed they hadn't touched them. Internet pages would be open on the computer which we couldn't remember opening. A couple of times full bottles of milk would be purchased in the morning, and gone by the time we returned home from work. Now back then (and now lol) we smoked a fair bit of pot, so for a while we just put it down to that.
Eventually, however, something happened which we couldn't ignore. I came home from work early one day and noticed the back door was open. I entered cautiously, with a builders knife in one hand and an old towel in the other. I heard some noise toward the kitchen and crept in there just in time to see a foot vanishing up into the ceiling hatch.
Obviously I freaked right the fuck out! Ran outside to where I'd hope to be out of earshot, called the cops and then went to the neighbours while I waited. Phoned my GF etc. The police showed up fairly quickly, and managed to convince this homeless looking guy to climb out. He wasn't violent or angry, but apparently he was a drug addict who had lost everything and had been spending his days in our house (he'd seen where we put the spare). He later admitted to having been doing it for a few weeks, and had even slept in the ceiling on other occasions when he hadn't left by the time we got home. He'd helped himself to basic foodstuffs, our pot, our internet and our toiletries.
He made a plea bargain and was sentenced to home detention / curfew at a homeless rehab center. Regardless of his seemingly harmless intentions we had the landlord change all the locks and gave our notice.
DammitDan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:01:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Set the microwave for twelve minutes and one second, start it, stop it at exactly 12 minutes remaining, then leave without pressing reset.
CaptainBlagbird ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:01:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mark random words in their books. (Romans and Novels, not school books.)
TheRealJaysus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:01:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide a small beeper that beeps once every 5-20 minutes at random.
MinxyKittyNoNo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:02:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would steal a sock and shoe from every pair they owned.
roffvald ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:02:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I replace all their pants with identical pants only 2 sizes larger...
RagingNerdaholic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:02:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I make entries in their calendar with the wrong time and put the actual time in the description.
Ajvailbro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:02:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've grown up in the same house pretty much my whole life, my best friend lives next door. We'll call him Steve for the time being. Well anyway we both have garage doors that open with a code you punch in on a little pad by the door and we both know each other's codes. One day I come home to find every single cabinet and drawer in my entire kitchen wide open. That mother fucker. So I shut them and wait til a few days later when nobody is home at his house and go do the exact same thing to his bedroom. Not quite burglars but a funny relevant story I felt
halfasian123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:02:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move every piece of furniture 5 inches to the left
Pent22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:02:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn every piece of furniture upside down
bigalsplaypen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:03:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Milk jug in the closet. Shoes in the bed. Pillow on coffee table. TV remote on the computer desk. Keybard in the refrigerator.
Schmitzerland22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:03:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had a plan that everyday when someone leaves their house I would take the potted plants from around their house and leave it at the end of their driveway. So, every time they cam e home they would have to park in the street and move all their plants back. Over time I would add potted plants around their house to make life difficult.
G0ILIEM ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:03:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If they have an unsecured computer or laptop, take a picture of them and put it as their background.
Saucey_pizza ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:04:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Paint a massive portrait of nicolas cage on every single wall
nof8_97 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:04:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put all their DVDs in the wrong case
ThankMrSkittle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:04:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is the exact premise of Swiper the fox in Dora the Explorer.
Iputtie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Get this, I've been stalking this family for weeks. Here's the kicker, I snuck in many times before, taking pictures of family photos. I photoshop the family's skin black, and replace all family photos. But that's not it, I will put this face around every corner. That's still not it, I will also take all the meat I can find (not including humans) and make a meat effigy. Still not it... Every disk I will replace with Rick Astley's, Never Gonna Give You Up, they'll look the same but not the same disk.
Epileptic_Cardboard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change their light switches so they are linked to different things.
KieranFilth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change all their TVs to the correct display modes.
PerInception ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mismatch every pair of their socks.
Minstral_Meadows ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:06:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Every day, change the toilet paper from over to under, unscrew the lids on all containers, and shift all photos slightly to the right.
BoudKabouter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:06:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Super glue everything in the house to the surface that it is currently standing on or in.
jefuchs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:07:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace their fresh-brewed coffee with Folgers crystals.
meat_tunnel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:07:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange the items in their kitchen cabinets.
Max_Trollbot_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:07:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take a small mister and subtly moisten every roll of toilet paper in the house.
Lithium_12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:07:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
put condom wrappers under the bed and in the trash cans. Place cheap earrings in the bed. Put long hair in the shower. Do this to someone who lives alone and is not a girl.
spaceinv8er ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:07:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
True story that happened to me. Break in and flip all cups filled with liquid, water bottles, TVS, and whatever you can upside down. God that was such a bitch...
Diegobyte ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Whenever I find a wallet I rearrange all the cards. I don't steal anything but I want them to know its been looked through.
Argus--Panoptes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything by an inch or two, enjoy all those stubbed toes
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put the toilet paper roll on backwards.
Yearlypick27 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cut and hem all of their pants a tiny bit each day.
Burnaman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove the labels on all the canned goods and switch them around. After that, every meal is an adventure!
Jejwa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dilute all liquids in the home with water. Orange juice, shampoo, windex.. Everything..
mohlmdan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:09:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the batteries out of the remote and put them somewhere else in the house.
HumphreyHandbag ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:09:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
take all the spoons
Stanis- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:09:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change all the toilet paper to the "under" position twice a week
dieseldog09 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:10:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shit on the floor.
xglsuperbounce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:10:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change their outgoing voicemail message so nobody would ever think they have the correct number, they'd never get any voicemails, and never know why. This would have worked better years ago when people still had home phones sadly.
bravo90 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:10:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal all the door handles and knobs and handles on all drawers and cupboards.
Mdizz3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:11:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide the TV remote in the most random places..fridge, freezer, cupboard, bathroom...
cholo_aleman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:11:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I move all items in the house 2cm to the left.
i3na ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:11:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I break in and leave things. But not conventional things. Like weird shit. Like rubber band balls, old halloween/xmas decorations, lava lamps, earrings without backs, ect.
Iamaredditlady ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange everything in the fridge.
PeerPanther88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would constantly swap the sock and underwear drawers. Then I would close all the AC vents and take all the deodorant... I am from Texas don't judge lol
Iamaredditlady ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange everything in the fridge.
wllbst ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all your Iphone lightning chargers with micro usb.
nickyauyeung ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave a note saying "I took something" everytime but not actually taking anything.
They will be thinking day and night what you took and eventually get a mental breakdown
dorganmean ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip everything upside down
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Hack there temperature controls with a Raspberry Pi, like in Mr. Robot, then plant bamboo in there yard. Follow up that by replacing there SIM card with a identical one that doesn't work. Then in their favorite DVD's, put random jump scares in them. Also, I would go to there work and replace their hard drive with some other random Guy's and leave a creepy .bat file, script kiddy style. And finally modify there keys so it opens every car from that manufacturer with a range of 20 miles, and it takes 25 minutes till it also sets of there alarms. Finally, in there google drive or something, I would leave a note on how I did this all so, after the car thing, the police would go to their house and see it.
EDIT: and of course hide random security cameras that aren't in so I can't be traced.
laundryday01 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd replace all of their family photos with photos of my own family.
Bogus1989 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would jump up and down and do staryu from pokemons call. Here is what it sounds like
https://youtu.be/11q_wqoCCGI
Joelpher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move every piece of furniture closer to the center of the room by 2'' every week.
bondsmatthew ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:13:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd take cat poop from the litter box, they would wonder where their cats are pooping
soccermomjane ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:13:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
rearrange the furniture, but not completely, just so that it is a few inches or a foot out of place
topher78714 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:13:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd go in and cut holes in all of their socks right where their toes go.
sloaches ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:13:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Get in the refrigerator and empty all the liquid containers (milk, orange juice, sodas, beers, etc.) and put all the emptied containers back in the fridge.
ArinHansonGradually ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:13:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Grease up their cat or dog after dying it blue. Then hang a roasted chicken from the ceiling. Before I leave, I put a man-sized glue trap infront of the main door.
That way they get a three pronged WTF attack.
carniValgg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave ALL of their cabinets and draws open. That'll annoy them.
halica84 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I turn the toilet paper around so they get into a domestic dispute about who put the toilet paper on the wrong way which plants the seeds of divorce.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cover all of their power cords in glue.
uncheerful ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:15:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i "borrow" their valuables. that would really annoy them
grdlock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:15:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stop the timer on the microwave at 1 second.
ClutchReverie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:15:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
HAIRSOP VITEMENZ
MyUserNameTaken ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:15:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Adjust the chain in all the toilet tanks so its still connected but doesn't actually cause the toilet to flush.
GrandFappy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:15:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all their stuff
phearoids44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:15:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put all your single socks into their dryer.
JohannesStrachan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:16:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into a pretentious neighbour's house and soak all the labels off their fancy wine bottles. (Source: Mordecai Richler book, St. Urbain's Horseman, I think. )
Sceye ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:16:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
smear shit on all their furniture
adhal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:16:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move the coffee
ImADouchebag ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:17:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I replace their flour with baking soda, and their baking soda with flour.
SlavesNBulldozers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:17:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Squeeze out a portion of their toothpaste and replace it with Anbesol/Orajel.
As a side note, I messed with one set of foster parents by randomly cutting out pictures of famous people and putting them in the many, many frames they had around the house. Like, a picture of Edith and Archie Bunker would be amongst the pictures on their credenza, while the Huxtables would be amongst the arrangements on the stairwell.
Green_Bay_Fappers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:18:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go to their computer and google "how to break in the house"
Eat the best thing they have in their fridge and be out.
lilzmoez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:18:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put glitter in their hand soap, shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste, and lotions.
bokbok454 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If they have a ceiling fan, on top of the blades.
sktrkid09 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:19:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would flip every toilet paper roll to go under
msctex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:19:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Waking up with your bed pointing the opposite direction it was when you went to sleep would be disconcerting.
FlyingGorrilas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:19:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would replace their pictures with Nicholas Cage pictures. Either the entire picture or just the face crudely over a member of the family. I would decide once inside the domicile.
1000stormer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I break into their house. Take the biggest most nastiest shit I can. And I leave it there without flushing. To complete it, they have to deal with my skid marks.
Before I leave I take all of the toilet paper and replace it with 1 ply.
HughGnu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace their Mayonnaise with Miracle Whip. Or vice versa.
Switch their salt and sugar or their baking soda and baking powder.
If they have mint toothpaste, change it to a different flavor of mint, like spearmint to peppermint. Or just one of those non-flavored toothpastes.
Change the fragrance of their glade plugins/ or add glad plugins.
Change the direction of their toilet paper rolling. Unfortunately, this is the only thing one would need to do to end many marriages, if done repeatedly, so only do it once people!
Wait until the night before a big game or awards show and reprogram their remotes. Or delete the program if it is still unwatched, or just queue it up to the ending, so when they hit play, it instantly ruins it for them.
Replace their lightbulbs with ones that are really old, they will be dealing with that for a while.
If they have reading glasses, replace them with random strengths.
Replace all their pictures of the same person, like their grandma or daughter, with pictures of Carrot Top.
If they do not have Windows 10, upgrade them to it.
Makalash ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd swap cushions around, change the radio station that's tuned in, turn the toilet paper around ao it's facing the wrong way. Just little stuff, small enough that anyone who listened to their complaints would think they're just losing it.
rocketwrench ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:21:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd swap all the drawers around in the kitchen and in the bedrooms. And reorganize the bookshelves.
1d10 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:21:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rewire all the switches so off is on.
straks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:21:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the furniture a couple of inches and switch cupboard contents.
Hang camera's and broadcast the confusement.
Come back a week later, and do exactly the same thing, but the furniture now in the opposite direction, just to have some fun.
Keep this up for a while, just to mess with them
Herrowgayboi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:21:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If it was me, I would slowly rearrange their house. IE: move furniture over a few inches, reorganize plates, dishes, eating utensils, etc..
It will drive them crazy and think that they have gone mental!
einalem58 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:21:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I change the toilet paper side.
Lubrosian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:22:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything 1 inch to the left.
Crizbizz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:22:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Start a warm bubble bath, light some candles throw down a few rose peddles. Play some relaxing music, poor a glass of wine than leave.
knobtremor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:23:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Then*
HoraceWimp2015 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:22:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd take all of the labels off of their canned goods.
Maximus_Decimus92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:23:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave pictures of Nicholas Cage around the house.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:23:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would sneak in at night & unplug all their electronic to drain the batteries. Then I would change all the clocks to make them an hour late. I would empty out their shampoo and conditioner bottles, and replace them with lotion. Have fun getting that grease out of your hair. I would also go and find a really smelly mushroom called Dog Penis, and tape it under their bed. I would also put soy sauce into their Coke bottles. Take all the toilet paper from the rolls. Cut a hole in every sock. Set their alarm to 2 am and hide it somewhere in the room. Put oil on every doorknob.... I can go on and on, as I have actually done some on this stuff, but I can't tell you all my pranks.
blue_lagoon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:23:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the furniture three inches to the left.
Switch the positions of their silverware and plates in the drawers and cabinets.
Spray WD40 on their door hinges until they open and close a bit too smoothly.
Now they'll always be banging their knees on furniture, picking up the wrong plates and utensils, and accidentally slamming their doors and there's nothing they can really do about it hahahaha
MrNudeGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:23:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm going to fangshway your living area so that it's both functional and visually appealing.
T4blespoon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:23:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide every roll of toilet paper in high places around the house.
Twizinator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:23:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move furniture around an inch or so at a time.
lillobby6 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:23:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Every time I go back I unplug a different important appliance.
DrTazdingo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:23:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bookmark r/ayylmao on every computer. Set it as the home page too
CaptainDefect ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:24:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The previous owner of my parents house came back and stole every knob and handle off of every drawer and cabinet in the house. So I guess, that.
TinFoilRobotProphet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:24:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I make word bubbles out of sticky notes and make the people in the family pictures say dirty things.
knobtremor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:24:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide the cutlery in odd places like shoes, freezer, under the bed etc. Glue all the toilet paper rolls together.
paraworldblue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:25:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all family photos with edited ones including me, leave other pieces of evidence around that I am actually part of the family, and then wake up on the couch one day and act all insulted when they try to kick me out
SupaMonroeGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:25:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Reign in Blood"
Manipulate their plumbing and make all their faucets, tubs, showerheads, toilets, pour red/blood..
Maybe every Sunday for ChristianFans
bebopblues ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:25:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Obviously choice is to get one of those devices that's makes a random beep sound, like a low battery smoke detector, and just hide it somewhere where they can't find, like in the attic.
If you're really evil, you can release a mouse on the lose, assuming they don't have a cat or dog.
OldBreadbutt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:26:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to work in a private club that was over 100 years old. (along the lines of the Bohemian club but not quite as big, rich or influential) The building had a lot of hidden compartments, and forgotten spaces that lent a sense of deep history. There is a small, dark library on the top floor that makes you feel like you're stepping back in time.
Anyway, I bought a bunch of hardback books from a 50ยข bin at a used bookstore. I glued the pages together and cut shapes from them to make hidden compartments. Over the time I worked there I started putting more and more on the shelves.
I don't know exactly what happened with all of them, but I did see a couple members discreetly walk out with one. I could have tried to stop them since they're not supposed to take things from the library, but I get more enjoyment imagining them with this "prize" at home thinking it's some mystery from the early 1900's.
scm518 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:26:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I rewire all outlets so that they are all linked to lightswitches.
Eyenocerous ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:26:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a teenager we did something just like this except only to the outside. We had rules about not breaking or damaging anything. Just take whatever Lawn furniture/ornaments potted plants etc and rearrange them in the oddest way possible. I think the worst thing we did was move for sale signs to the wrong house.
BukkitGod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:26:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd take their CDs, DVDs and Blu Rays and put the CDs in the DVD cases, the DVDs in the Blu Ray cases and the Blu Rays in the CD cases.
TennaTelwan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:27:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We actually did this in college. I had a roommate in college who was one of these complete OCD neat freaks, to the point she'd have a tantrum and screaming fit for a half hour if something was off kilter just a little bit or wasn't vacuumed to perfection (bear in mind too this was a ghetto college rental so there were holes and problems everywhere). We actually started messing with her by watering down her alcohol, moving her furniture, rearranging her DVDs and CDs, even renaming files on her computer on the network we had in the house. At first we did it just as a practical joke, then later as the year progressed as a passive aggressive way to get back at her for her going into our rooms while we were sleeping and throwing her tantrums. She never caught on we were doing this either. However, the house actually was haunted (random pockets of cherry tobacco, and none of us smoked, also books would be flung at us, and our hair was yanked if we were up late) so we sort of blamed the ghost. Finally end of the year we couldn't take her tantrums anymore so we all just slowly moved out. The cable box and modem were in my name, so guess who got the last laugh when I moved out and took them with, returning them a month early.
Daemec ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:27:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shit in the kitchen sink. You know years from now they will be doing the dishes thinking why the hell did someone shit in their sink.
leo-minor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:27:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The obvious choice is anus tickling.
MystikDruidess ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:28:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I leave 1 random sock in the dryer, switch what shelf things are on in the fridge, put the toilet seat up in the bathroom, slip papers with names and numbers into jacket pockets, leave 1 earring on the nightstand in the bedroom, slightly twist all of the bulbs in light fixtures so they blink off and on, look up conspiracy theories on any internet capable device available. I'd leave an empty dollhouse in the living room or bedroom, go back periodically to add things, then to rearrange and redecorate (often putting dolls in compromising situations). After about 2 months replace dollhouse with an exact replica, scaled larger, including dolls. In the kitchen I would take dishes off of shelves and stack them on the floor, add a shopping list containing unusual items and pin recipes to the fridge, leave baked goods on top of the oven, or inside of it with the door open. Also, set the table for the amount of inhabitants +1, put place cards at each spot with pictures taken of the residents while they sleep, the extra place will have a picture of the doll I leave in the dollhouse.
BoyceKRP ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:28:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Every picture in the house gets replaced with a picture of either Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, or Ben Affleck and Matt Damn together.
WeaverofStories ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:28:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove the batteries from their remotes and replace them with dead ones.
Hide their chargers and keys.
Replace all their bulbs with burned out ones.
Clog the toilets with toilet paper.
R0b6666 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:28:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Id clean up the house, confuse them bad.
Gowzilla ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:29:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find a creepy looking doll and randomly place it throughout the house
blue_27 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:29:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch their coffee to decaf. ... Or vice-versa.
Blackcats308 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:29:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all their food out of their fridge, and put it In their freezer, visa versa.
theRailisGone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:29:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mix pigment and an oil based personal lubricant to make a paint. Use it to paint a doorframe or window frame, or even just an outlet cover. It's not only mysterious fresh paint. It also will take ages to dry and make their house smell like lube.
Hamabo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:30:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is like the premise of the film 3-Iron
rhunter99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:30:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the toilet paper to an under configuration
johnofthedead ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:31:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take any frozen meat from their freezer and place it behind their clothes dryer.
SportsnetSteve ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:31:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In the wall of a child's bedroom, I'd cut a hole the size of a small blue tooth speaker. Place blue tooth speaker inside on full volume. Repair the hole. Middle of night play creepy things like footsteps, scurrying of mice feet or Donald Trump. The possibilities are endless.
Salsa_Not_Balsa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:31:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put picante sauce under the "bumples" of the toilet seat
theRailisGone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:31:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take bites out of all sorts of food with a set of dentures. Leave them stuck in the cheese.
Mr_Horse_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:31:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch Xmas presents in neighbors homes
twelveparsex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:31:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The first time I deployed to Afghanistan we lived in barracks and high ranking members shared a room with someone on the opposite shift. We had one guy get selected for promotion but hadn't been promoted yet, they put him in a room by himself (otherwise you'd live in a room twice as large but with 8 other guys). We broke into his room on my day off and got 2,000 dixie cups filled with water and lined his floor with it.
MasterChiefMarauder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:32:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch all the toilet paper rolls from over to under
_FulvousFox_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:32:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would slightly move all the furniture in the living room one inch in a direction.
dumptruck1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:32:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
switch the plate and glass cupboards
nessager ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:32:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i would hide their remote controls and mobile phones in random places to make them belive that they are forgetfull or going mad, a remote control in fridge and mobile phone in a draw.
Rabidwalnut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:33:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move their furniture around in the night. And also take pictures of them sleeping, and leave said pictures around the house.
pressthebuttonfrank ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:33:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would do something really horrendous. I would go through the house and thoroughly clean it including washing the Windows, cleaning the carpet, scrubbing the bathrooms, etc.
rockangel312 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:36:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'll give you my address.
AbysmalVixen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:33:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Paint the walls of their house and rearrange the furniture but in a subtle way that makes them think "was it always that way....?"
Pingryada ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:33:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There it is! Nice.
GoodTimesDadIsland ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:33:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Edukators
nivenfan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:33:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Vandalizing collectibles on display. It's the original hate crime.
slim_jo_robinowitz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:34:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tortilla wraps in tissue boxes
notsnhojsemaj ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:34:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace their sugar with cocaine
JH456 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:34:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place cinder blocks with googly eyes on their porches, ring the doorbell, and run away.
theRailisGone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:34:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove all visible screws. (switch plates, outlet plates, cabinet door handles and hinges, doorknobs, etc.)
Glue all of the things back together with construction adhesive, but slightly off.
herbw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:34:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
poke little tiny holes in their condom wrappers.
rockangel312 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:34:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't this what the Manson clan used to do?
Censorxx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:34:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This again!
Fezzik1234 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:34:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch all their stuff with their next door neighbors stuff.
CRAZYPOULTRY ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:35:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal every one's left shoe
zackvipvt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:35:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sneak in and put porn on all the computers
theRailisGone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:36:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal items of clothing, rip out the seams, resew them with water soluble thread. Repeat.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:36:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move the furniture from room to room
theitgrunt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:36:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I steal all the remote controls for televisions, stereos and DVR's
vogueandpizza ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:36:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unscrew all of their lightbulbs.
Switch all the toilet paper rolls from over to under.
Take the batteries out of the smoke detectors.
Set their clocks back an hour.
DogWHOspeaks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:36:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change their mouse setting to left handed.
HeyWhatsUpMate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:37:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave an upper decker in every bathroom. Upper Deaker- The act of defecating in the upper tank of the toilet.
F_Dingo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:37:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd swap everything in the kitchen around. Plates, bowls, spoons, forks, you name it are all getting put in different places. Cupboard where the spices are? Not anymore, that's where the bowls and cups are!
mineobile ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:38:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make all the clocks different times
KermsMaloy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:38:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap order that the cutlery is laid out in their drawer.
DemiDivine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:38:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put baby powder on my duck and balls and leave prints all over the house .. then on their pillow cases as I sneak out their window
howtojump ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:38:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dull all their knives.
theRailisGone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:38:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put falafel in their fridge with a toothpick sign saying, "Property of <heiroglyphs>. A pox on any who defile my food."
RectumCheese ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:39:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shit in weird places.
TheScarlettHarlot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:40:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything I can get my hands on just a little bit.
worldzfree ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:40:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Poop in the cat litter box
Fluffesnail ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:40:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide all of the remotes in the house hold
Messisfoot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:40:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put Trump for President stickers on the stuff of Bernie supporters. Put Sanders for President stickers on the stuff of Trump supporters.
DasSpoog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:41:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Start to place my family photos over theirs
schwifty97 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:41:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In oblivion i would break into people's houses and put any and all carrots they had on their pillows
godofwine16 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:41:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change all of their social media passwords daily
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:42:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kick down the door, steal nothing but the batteries from the remotes.
TheScrumpster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:42:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I steal every single shoelace in the house.
brittersbear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:42:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave a lava lamp
xwaitxwhatx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:42:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
switch the batteries on all remotes from +[+=-]- to +[-=+]-......
Edit: more ideas like cover the mice lasers with clear tape, unplug all USBs, crazy glue lids on stuff..
Honey i cant open the milk can you try, damn it Janet how hard can it be to open the mill......wtf is going on here?!?!
Kerchevski ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:42:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace their family photos with slightly different ones
Funkays ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:42:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put googly eyes on all their stuff so that they look alive. Cereal boxes, soup can, since faucets. The works
JesteroftheApocalyps ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:43:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rig a green smoke bomb in their freezer that goes off when they open the door.
stevebobeeve ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:44:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave a beer under every pillow in the house.
ashlungsroman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:44:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put garlic down the back of their radiators.
My uncle used to do this to stink out my grandmother's house. She has no sense of smell so used to think the rest of the brother's were making it up out of spite!
bad60000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:44:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Has anyone said upper deckers yet?
Rudle455 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:45:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did this to a friend at uni who liked to meow. Every week we would get a bag of cat litter from the supermarket and hide it in his room. Got to 9 bags before he spotted them. Some were blatantly in plane sight as well.
If you see this Joe, know we'd do it again in a heartbeat
COWRATT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:45:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move around a couple of keys on their keyboard and watch them go insane
seraphofdark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:46:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip there toilet paper around
CapnTwoSpeed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:47:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Google "hiding HIV" and leave the tab open, do it in incognito to get rid of the time stamp and to add some authenticity.
Earthweaver ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:47:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shit on victim's unattended laptop keyboard. close laptop and leave it there for them to find
proxy108 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:47:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Wait until a rich family goes on vacation. Break into the house, turn on all the sinks, lights, car engines, A/C units, and reset the bank safe and front gate passwords. Wait for them to come back home and go crazy when they see the power bill, have to climb up their own fence to get inside their house, and have to walk 5 miles to get fuel for their fleet of Bentleys.
Yurei2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:48:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I reverse the connections of all battery operated devices, except for one randomly chosen device. I then bake a roast and leave it on the counter, frosted to look like a cake.
theRailisGone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:48:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cut out hundreds of strips of paper with the words, "Nope, not the last one." and fold them into these and these. Then put them all over, but mostly out of sight. Tuck them behind books on the shelf, under cushions on the couch, behind the toilet, under the trashcan, in the linen cabinet, under cups in the cupboard, behind boxes in the fridge and cabinets, behind knickknacks, stuck to soap, push them through the slits of boxes of cereal, in drawers, lamps, and light fixtures.
For bonus points, find out where they work and leave some there as well.
worrymon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:48:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Set every alarm clock in a neighborhood to go off at the same time.
cashadava ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:48:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Being that I'm a somewhat organized person (I like everything to have a place, and it goes in that place) I would rearrange their silverware drawer. Move dishes around in their cabinets, and put a full load of clean dishes back into their dish washer. Everything would be moved around in the refrigerator, freezer, closet, and clothes we would be put in different drawers.
I like to do this kind of thing in grocery stores, but making sure the prices match. Just completely on a different isle.
HideousProgeny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:48:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Program the remote control to tune in to home shopping channels only.
emceeflurry ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:48:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide their tv remote. Unplug all the lamps in the house. Saw just a quarter inch off of one leg on every chair so they all seem a little bit off.
jb4334 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:48:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal the good scissors.
ScottThePoolBoy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:49:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I lived with my brother, I would prop up empty soda boxes on slightly ajar doors in the house. So when you opened the door, light, obnoxious boxes would fall on you. It didn't hurt, but several boxes fell on you, so it was funny to me.
tommytrain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:49:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Watch Amelie for good ideas
FerrisTM ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:49:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Assuming that I have like all day to do this, it would be great to make every room the mirror image of that room. You know, rearrange the furniture and pictures and everything. That would be pretty weird to come home to, I think.
theRailisGone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:50:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Chloroform them in their sleep. Drag them into another room and remove their clothes. Leave similar clothes that are too small or big for them on the floor in the room. And go on your merry way.
bardia1327 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:51:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
block the toilet with my shit
BubbleMushroom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:51:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all batteries with the wrong size.
TooMad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:51:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If I am already a thief then steal all the digital alarm clocks I find for a year. Once I have about 20 synchronize them and make sure the battery backup isn't dead. Place one at every hidden outlet and set them for 3am.
higger_nair ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:52:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the labels off the canned foods
stonesurvivor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:53:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the cable favorites and radio presets.
Stoon_sierra ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:53:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave the toilet seat up
T_Rash ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:53:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put the batteries backwards in the remote control.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:53:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Someone in London ran by our table when we were eating at Burger King and grabbed something. After a few seconds of checking for everything important, we realized he stole some dirty napkins? Certainly confused us!!
SuicidalPillock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:53:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place pineapples strategically around the places they live work etc
Samjamric ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:53:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all shoes with identical shoes of a smaller size.
TheMysticalWalrus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:53:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of this Dane Cook bit about a B&E
duuubs22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:55:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I swap all the condiments they keep in the fridge with the ones they keep in the cupboard
Alfonzo800 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:55:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would change which ways their doors open.
Forever walking into doors.
punkwalrus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:56:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In the late 70s, my neighborhood had a rash of burglaries that started our first neighborhood watch program. No one knew how these robbers were getting in and stealing so fast. They hit at night and the day, sometimes they cleaned out a house in broad daylight.
One weekend we were away and got a call from the watch program that they noticed a door open in a secluded area in the back of our house. We drove home and found that a huge amount of our valuables were laid out nearly on our rec room carpet, like they were inventorying and sorting them for later pickup. The police guessed that they were interrupted and fled when the neighborhood watch volunteer came around.
But the messed up thing was when they hit a house with kid's toys. They would break and destroy every toy they could find: ripping the heads off dolls, smashing furniture, bending bike wheels, and then write on the walls and mirrors stuff like DIRTY BOY and WE'LL FUCK YOUR DAUGHTERS WHILE THEY SLEEP and WE'RE COMING BACK. Heavy stuff to read in your own bedroom as a kid.
Nothing was stolen, but they tore up our house pretty good.
They captured the people doing it eventually. It turned out to be a 19-year-old kid, and his step brother, who was only about 8. The younger kid was really skinny, and would often sneak in through tiny windows that no one would think an adult could get in, and then the kid would find a door that he could open in a secluded area so he could let his older brother in. Once they established how much valuables they could gather, they'd call a pay phone from the house, where a few other people (teens to early 20s) would answer and show up with a utility vehicle (like a van with a telco logo on the side). Then they would just grab everything in a really short amount of time.
Several of the teens involved were actually from our neighborhood, and had a good idea who left when and how long they were gone.
ofthedappersort ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:56:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take one piece from every one of their puzzles
ezad44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:56:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just break in and don't take anything.
YLE22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:57:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the toilet paper off the holder
knightfelt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:57:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sand on toothbrushes.
John_Gottem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:57:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shit on their lawn
theRailisGone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:57:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If possible, get on their computer and see if they left themselves logged in anywhere. If they are logged in to a social networking site, make a update saying "It's been a long time coming but tomorrow I finally tell the truth. I need to sleep now but in the morning I'm finally going to tell you all what I've been so afraid to say to some of you for so long."
neihuffda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:58:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Weaken everything almost to the point of failure, but it's impossible to detect before they break entirely. Legs of chairs, the TV's power supply, the button on the coffee maker - things like that.
nathanello ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:58:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Either replace their batteries with dead ones, or smash their brand new bags of chips into crumbs.
Or, better yet, put their rolls of toilet paper on backwards.
imgonnacallyouretard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:58:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
CREEPY CRAWLERS!!!
supersonic-turtle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:58:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
swap their silverware, spoons go in the forks place etc, that or switching around their wall hangers, paintings and photos all mixed up, maybe even arrange the furniture a little
Cpt_Kneegrow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:59:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into their home and soak all of their toliet paper in their bathtub.
obimokenobi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:00:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd replace the shampoo with conditioner! Muahahaha
Christophurious ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:01:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch the hot and cold lines feeding the faucet under the bathroom sink.
badadviceforyou244 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:01:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Squeeze all the toothpaste towards the bottom and turn their tp rolls around. Maybe switch the arrangement of the silverware drawer around as well.
FrostyFolfy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:03:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go a step further just switch all their cabinets!
Rococat1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:02:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put on the spanish music channel and crank up the volume.
timorwhatever ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:02:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If they are asleep, and not wearing socks, I'd slip socks on their feet.
Misty_K ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:02:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide some of their Tupperware lids, or replace them with almost exact sizes so they never truly fit right
proxy108 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:03:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change all of their coffee with decaf.
Lasercoolman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:03:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace everything in my friends house with exact copies.
Basaltmyers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:04:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the furniture slightly to the left/right so they stub their toes on everything!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:05:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Clog the sinks and leave the water running. I would call myself the wet bandit
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:05:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"I'm outside fumbling with the lock. Its nothing serious, just a residential deadbolt, but doing it quiet means I need to strain my concentration, and for longer. A lot longer. I get nervous. I start sweating. I control my breathing and my hands stay steady. Well before expected I hear a 'click'. A smile creeps across my face.
I grab my bag, gingerly, and keep it level as I raise it to my height. As I silently force the door open, I push the bag through first, and shut the door silently behind me, but not before stuffing my tools into a large coat pocket.
One motion.
Seamless.
It is pitch dark in front of me. I sneak forward to the living room, and peer around a corner to find a coffee table. Perfect. I set up my bag and begin unpacking. With precision silence I pull 21 margarita glasses out of my bag and place them into a pyramid formation onto the table. I look through their fridge. No milk. Goddamn vegans. I look in their pantry.
Olive oil.
Whatever.
I take the olive oil and begin pouring it onto the top glass. It is very topheavy. The oil begins favoring one side over the other. I begin to feel the anticipation as one side of the pyramid becomes unstable. It begins to tumble as I cackle with glee. The glass shatters. I am erect. The owner of the house comes out of his bedroom brandishing a small bat. He screams, 'What the fuck is this?!' I cackle more as I scream back, "OLIVE FUCKING OIL"
He swings the bat.
I hoot as I run away.
comp-sci-fi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:06:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Work out what chore they argue about, and do it.
UncontrolledSarcasm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:06:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal all their pillow cases and tv remotes
suck_my_roonuggets ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:06:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If they were Evangelist I would steal the Anabelle doll and put it in their closet
xisha47x ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:06:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch their espresso with decaf. Lock their keys in their car. Bury the tv remotes and the cords to the Internet modem. Basically do anything my four year old has done to me.
UncleTomas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:06:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pull the pins out of all of the doors in the house.
Trust_Me_Im_Right ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:07:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all the remote batteries with almost dead ones
krista_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:07:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
cook spaghetti
obtain lipstick
while cooking, remove all doorknobs in house, draw faces on them
when spaghetti is done, place on doorknobs like hair
put doorknob people in refrigerator.
clean house thoroughly.
PureAntimatter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:07:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would go through their pantry and open every jar so it pops then close it back up. And turn the pictures on their walls slightly askew.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:07:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip the batteries in the remotes, put used 9volts in the smoke detectors, drink half their milk and fill it back up with water, short sheet their beds, set all clocks three hours behind and all alarm clocks to go off at 3AM (real time), Chang he tint on the television just enough to be off, but not enough to know instantly what's off about it... I could keep going, I have a gremlin in my soul.
rickjamesdean ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:07:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Watch the movie "Amelie."
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0211915/
Edit: This has some answers about the question you're asking about. It's a very entertaining movie, one of my personal favorites. You won't be disappointed.
hairy_gogonuts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:07:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bake a cake and leave it in the oven with the oven turned on.
mereajnabi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:09:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I put the chapstick and nail clippers in the key drawer. They'll be shocked they can actually find both for a change.
Trehosk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:09:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave items in their house that they didn't own before, very subtle additions.
grinch3311 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:09:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
replace all eye drop liquid with pepper spray and every day for a few months, go into their bedroom and paint 1mm thick strip down the very edge of their wall and keep doing it
maryjanerx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:10:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Drink and leave only 2 sips left in milk/juice,cetc. Eat cream filling of Oreos and replace with tooth paste. Turn all pictures upside down. Unplug all appliances.
LetsDIY ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:11:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal all the wheel chairs from the hospital and replace them with unicycles! Haha! Punking those in pain...
senorSTANKY ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:11:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Drink all their milk in the fridge, and leave the container in there. Next time they go to eat a bowl of cereal.... got eeeeem
Born_To_Raise_Heck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:11:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I do things to confuse or annoy my victims.
ngally3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:11:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave fake notes on behalf of other people in the house to create awkward dinner conversations.
rollcroc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:12:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Would you really be a burgular or just Taco and Rafi from The League?
I would come in every night and put the toilet paper just out of reach, but still in eye sight.
wutdoesthefoxdogesay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:12:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Chomp on a large wad of gun in front of them for hours at a time while replaying a Justin Bieber song
xXworstplayerXx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:13:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave just enough toilet paper on the roll to tease them.
Malted_Shark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:13:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put a fake human head in their freezer.
Doublestack00 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:13:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange all their kitchen draw contents.
chiliedogg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:14:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap might switches that are near each other. Bonus points if you swap kitchen disposal with sink light.
And swap which button opens which garage door.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:14:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all their socks, unfold them, throw them all in a big messy pile.
Crede777 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:15:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would break in and turn off peoples' cable boxes.
myluvforcats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:15:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Microwave the milk
TheHappyNewbie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:15:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just talked about this today with my brother when we were painting my living room. Brake in paint their entire house ( while they were on vacation) and maybe just one room in an obscure colour :-) to much work i know but how would you react if your house were nicely painted in original colours, except one room when you returned :-)
joblo619 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:15:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take items from the fridge and put them in the freezer, turn the tv closed captioning on in Spanish then change the settings on the menu itself to Chinese
wilmotlose ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:16:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The classic butter trick. Scoop the butter out of the container and take a dump in the empty container. Now repack the butter on top of it like nothing happened and place that back in the fridge.
Zasma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:16:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip the toilet paper roll so it rolls the the other direction
saucyninja_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:16:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take light bulbs out of their lamps every night. Until one week where I don't remove any. Then the next week i replace all energy efficient bulbs with inefficient ones. Once they find out the harm they did the environment they will spiral into sadness.
ifreak490 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:17:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mix the sugar wth just a bit of salt.
redsn64 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:17:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything in one room exactly 2 inches to the left. So many stubbed toes.
WhiteboyWillis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:17:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change every clock to be 13 minutes slow
quantumSpammer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:17:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember reading about that on reddit. There was this guy who messed with a person's head by placing random pineapples in their vicinity. Can't really remember anything else.
eastbayweird ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:18:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
replace birth control pills with fertility drugs... actually that might be a little much when we were just trying to confuse or annoy...
usui_no_jikan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:18:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rub a bit of acid on to all their hinges so that they squeak.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:18:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into my old house to purposely misplace remotes, unplug cords throughout the house, pee with the seat down, clean the litter box, just random things.
hotairballonfreak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:18:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Drop condom wrappers in random places
Zlink02 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:18:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do their Laundry and wash the dishes
NotYourAverageTomBoy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:19:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
First of all, I wouldn't steal a skit from Dane Cook... https://youtu.be/-jFvo2h_SbM
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:19:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Their taxes...
Gammashadow99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:20:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Completely wrap everything in their house with tin foil. Individually wrap every pen, pencil, marker, hell even coins. If it is a tangible three dimensional object in their house wrap it.
BEARDED_ONODRIM ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:20:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all of their furniture 5 inches to the left. Just enough to confuse them and wonder why they are so clumsy.
lakswimmer33 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:20:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace the good batteries in the tv remote with shitty, half ass batteries
Somerandom_guy32 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:20:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the furniture in the house 3 inches to the left.
lakswimmer33 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:20:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Become the DOOR KICKER
TheDinkybomb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:20:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Put a quarter in someone's handheld every day for weeks, then one day take them all out at once.
Easy there Dwight.
storyofohno ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:20:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange all of their books by color.
VeryBigBox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:20:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange the fridge and move the coffee table a few inches over the course of a few months.
elguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:21:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the labels off their canned food
reno81 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:21:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap the salt and sugar around. Not every night though. Gotta keep em guessing.
zHellas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:21:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't take anything
Just leave something weird each time.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:21:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
when I was younger, me and my brother went through the school bike sheds and swapped all the combination bike locks..... 25-30 pushbikes and all with combi locks.... (because parents figured that kids couldn't lose the keys....shame they are so easy to open! :) )
aget61695 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:22:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go into all of their battery powered electronics and replace the batteries with shitty half-ass batteries.
classic_douche ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:22:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place a garden gnome in the oven with an unlit cigarette in its mouth. When they find it it'll look like they caught it in the act.
Also, place a bound and gagged garden gnome in the microwave.
Give a troll doll cement shoes and a gag and submerge it in the toilet.
Megaman99M ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:22:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move the Toilet Paper
global_ninja ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:23:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the lids of everything and put them under the beds.
Kilo_G_looked_up ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:25:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flood the sinks
Rovertsi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:25:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take out the batteries of everything in the house; remotes, clocks, gaming controllers etc.
ds9anderon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:26:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove one battery from every remote.
QuasarBurst ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:26:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's a character in Leyawiin? in TES Oblivion who does this, but I don't remember his name.
SoulUnison ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:26:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I eat their cereal and then pee in one of their vases.
temporallock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:26:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the settings on their tv and cables so they can't watch their programs
OverTheTop123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:27:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave one second left on the microwave. That's all you need. Anarchy ensues in time.
bumsnacks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:28:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
take one battery out of a single thing every week.
Rance_Mulliniks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:29:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take a dump in the top part of their toilets aka the upper decker
h0lybyte ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:29:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shit in their toilets but never flush.
FlyLikeIcarus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:29:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture." - Robin Williams
ItsJustAids ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:29:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is completely unoriginal. The Manson family have been "creepy crawling" since the 60's.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:29:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Every week, take one fork and leave a spoon in its place.
TheRealSilverBlade ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:30:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take a pair of scissors and cut all of their underwear in half, so it becomes unusable.
Take half of the socks (1 from each pair) and scatter them throughout the house.
And finally, reverse every room's furniture so they are a mirror image of the previous layout.
supppbrahhh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:30:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd Family Manson the place aka 'creepy crawling' | rearrange the furniture and then leave (they stole stuff too) but I'd just like to interior decorate.
ImYoshiAndImDrunk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:30:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do that jerk-off's taxes. Next year, the IRS will audit the piss out of him!
creeperdragon111 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:39:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thats long term shit frank!
blight- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:30:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not steal things.
imaliongrr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:31:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In high school me and a few friends had a key to our friends house that he gave me for a party a few weeks before the incident. So our master plan was to Cage his house. We snuck into his house when he and Ashis family were out of town and replaced every family photo with printed out pictures of Nicholas Cage. I left his key on their family room table. We had a good laugh ebout that
dennenoandrew ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:31:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal their shoelaces. Put their toothbrush in the toilet. Poke tiny holes in their eggs and slowly drain them of yolk.take all their money and replace it with barns and nobles gift cards.
In_My_Own_World ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:31:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I just leave the door open and leave. They will rack their heads around what I took.
misstinypurple ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:31:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Drop ketchup on messy stuff/areas, so they would have to clean them. Probably leave them a Post-It explaining the same. LOL
0x0100xxx0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:32:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would add some cryptic phone numbers on the telephone and put empty bottles of alcohol on the floor.
blargelsmith ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:33:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was little, my family went on vacation. Someone broke in, took a shit (in the toilet), and didn't flush. We were gone for two weeks. I don't know how long it was sitting there, but it was long enough. The smell will haunt me forever.
They didn't even take anything.
So... yeah.
I'd do that.
I'm still confused. And annoyed.
DlProgan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:34:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You gotta wonder if some ghost stories have similiar origins but pranking friends rather than burglars.
facilimente76 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:34:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch the door swing side on their fridge
Narutorz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:35:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all their furniture to the left.
bunyip ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:35:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put a low battery in every smoke detector in the house.
Karils_v4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:35:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything to the left by a few inches. I'm sure a lot of people have said it, but I didn't see it near the top.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:35:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all food with only Bacon
Cuchulainn01 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:45:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all their food with Kevin Bacon.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:01:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all utensils with cooked spaghetti
thepurplehedgehog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:37:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Load of teabags in the cereal box. Cereal in the bread bin. Bread in the pots/pans covered, pot (complete with lid) on the sofa. Sofa turned upside down and facing the wrong way. Keep going in this vein. Cutlery and sock drawer contents swapped. For extra points, glue a coffee table, table side up, on the bedroom ceiling.
photobomb_phantom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:38:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Get all of their cutlery, put it in a tray with water so it's filled over the top of the cutlery and put it in the freezer.
EasyRekt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:38:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Wait until they put toilet paper on their groceries list. Mimic the handwriting and from there on put it on their groceries list. Everytime they make a new one. Every. Time. Watch them go insane as their toilet paper cabinet gets filled. Then, watch them go insane when they forget to buy toilet paper because they ignored it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:38:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch all their sauces in their fridge.
Toaster-Abuse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:38:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch the hinges to the opposite sides of all their doors
whateverisfree ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:39:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Every night I fertilize their lawn. No matter how often they mow, it'll grow back at an extreme pace. It will be eternal.
EvilsTwin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:39:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Modifying the inputs on their keyboard. Not popping the letters off, changing the letters all around internally.
Prawngirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:40:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Install a cat flap, put a cat in the house buy it food and such then leave. Cat burglar
Nic3GreenNachos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:40:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn on all their water to flood the place. This why we're called the wet bandits. Also, fuck you Kevin.
CHIF406 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:41:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My younger brother once replaced a bunch of our uncle's family photos with pictures of himself in a shark costume with guns and striking gangster poses
kalila855 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:41:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Move all their furniture a little bit. Not enough to notice right away, but enough to be annoying
Xilverbullet000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:41:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would break in and move things, like keys, TV remotes, game controllers, and anything that people commonly "lose." I would slowly make it more obvious that somebody is moving things, and attempt to slowly drive them insane.
This question reminded me of my friend who stole another friend's spare key to his car. Every day, he would move the car two or three spots over, until the end of the year. The last day of school, he took the car and moved it across the parking lot.
bonage045 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:42:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all family photos with pictures of Steve Buscemi
the_other_pink_meat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:43:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide their car keys.
A_very_ezpz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:43:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the direction the knobs in their house rotate.
AlwaysInnocent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:43:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make one stair's step 5cm higher. Oh and I'd change their perfume with urine.
clemens014 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:43:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fill their fridge with frozen pasta. Slightly thawed frozen pasta...
aR4ndomblackguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:44:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put all their video games in different cases if they have multiple consoles (ps4 game in xbox one case) because fuck u if u can afford more than one >:/
DallasHam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:45:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide the remote in weird places and replace all the family pictures in the house with another families pictures.
cigar10 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:45:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Use all q-tips and put back in the original box
PM_ME_YOUR_NUDE_FEET ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:46:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all the batteries in their remotes with dead batteries.
I'd buy a set of plates different than the ones they have and I'd just put one on the counter every time I broke in.
Fielder5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:47:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Be santa
Cityplanner1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:48:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unscrew the light and plug in faceplates. Drop a cheap digital watch with a daily alarm set into the wall space.
-Bacchus- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:49:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find everything with an alarm and set them to all go off every 32 minutes starting at 1:13am.
StaySirchin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:49:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We're the wet bandits
Mashotronic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:50:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would bring a waterproof, black, thick marker, and blot over the expirationdate of everything in the fridge and pantry.
aviavy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:50:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Peel all peel-able fruit.
Lordunknown ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:50:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Press Ctrl + Alt + โ to flip the screens on all their windows devices to upside down.
ginofgan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:50:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Calling /r/traditionalcurses
chamington ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:50:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break in and steal everything, but not their insurance information so they won't get annoyed
Icaruskairos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:51:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange the furniture in every room so its a mirror image of how it was before.
OGzula ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:51:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
paint their walls one shade darker
backflipfail ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:52:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take a dump in all the toilets without flushing
maxinator80 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:52:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You know those switches that are next to each other and control different lights? Rewire them occasionally.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:53:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Watch a bunch of weird YouTube videos so they get strange suggested videos. Look at weird Amazon products for the same reason. Change their keyboard layout to Dvorak.
JDogg_of_RS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:53:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shit in the toilet and not flush it.
Ender_1299 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:53:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thanatoshi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:53:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch shampoo and conditioner.
pmonaco ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:54:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
change a households wifi name everyday so they have to reconnect all their devices each time.
pshtyoudontknowme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:54:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove the matching version to each of their socks every night. Oh, and cut holes in all of their trouser crotches
The_DilDonald ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:55:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip all the TP rolls in the house to under, not over. Chaos and terror ensues.
Flaunteroy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:55:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Re-arrange their furniture while they're sleeping. Bonus points if you move their bed
urPenguinsRbelong2us ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:55:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
when they leave i would micro wave animal shit and put it in for hours so by the time they get home their house smells like burnt shit. i would get fancy and start collecting all kinds of shit from many different animals so the smell is never the same.
babaganate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:55:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Idk if it's in this thread already because it's so god damn long but in TES:IV Oblivion there was an orc in the thieves guild who liked to break into homes and move things from one container to another.
MrPoletski ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:56:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
swap the salt and pepper
swap the garam massala with mace
swap the ground ginger with sand
swap the chopped parsley with some top quality skunk
fill the sugar pot half full with salt, then put sugar on top.
swap half the black tea with green tea bags
put a theatrical smoke bomb in the back of their gas oven
put red food colouring in their shower head
Temp62 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:58:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip their toilet paper around, hide the TV remote.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:59:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Glitter... glitter everywhere
Leroy--Brown ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:59:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sew shrimp into their upholstery. Every 2-3 weeks.
TheLastJuan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:59:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
mix their cola with pepsi regularly and in increasing amount until they only drink pepsi.
then stop doing it and watch how they think that the cola their drinking isnt the same as the usual when they buy a new bottle of cola.
PinkPupPrincess ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:00:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
During my freshman year of college, my friends and I developed this master scheme of how to "steal" like 5 bucks from people we don't like. We would steal their deodorant caps. It was the perfect crime, no one would assume that their missing deodorant cap was actually stolen. They would have to tear apart their room looking for it. Then, once the stick dries out, they have to go and shell out money for a new one.
I know, truly sick right? To be honest, sometimes the guilt keeps me up at night. Please don't tell my mother.
mike920 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:00:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Over the course of a few weeks, marginally move all their furniture by about 2 inches, so they know it feels different, but they can't tell what is wrong.
Teddybomb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:00:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would unplug all hdmi cables, bend 1 finger on all the forks and hide the TV remote in the glass dome of the ceiling lamp
nYc_dIEseL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:00:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dane Cook anyone?
TheShadowInTheCorner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:01:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've always wanted to turn everything in a room upside down. So probably that.
SeanStormEh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:01:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove all of the labels on their canned goods
Bananafoofoofwee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:01:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal their utensils a few at a time them give them all back for Christmas anonymously.
craq_feind_davis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:02:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal the TV remote. Creep up in the living room window and change the channel while they are watching TV late at night.
Punchclops ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:02:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Squeeze the toothpaste tubes from the middle instead of the end.
Turn the toilet paper around on the dispenser.
If the toilet seat is up, put it down. If it's down, put it up.
Switch all the cutlery around in the cutlery drawer.
Set all clocks so they're 9 minutes slow.
Empty out any cartons of milk, juice etc and put the empty cartons back in the fridge.
Mycoe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:02:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ensure the victim uses Reddit, hide a safe in their home with fuck all in it.
rush_545 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:02:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
First, I would remove all working light bulbs and replace with burnt out ones. Secondly I would turn all the lights switches over so they are backwards. Thurd, Put a small amount of Vaseline on random door handles. Fourth put paper between the batteries and the connections in the remotes.
Cmaaac ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:03:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kick the front and back door in. Leave everything.
LabRat314 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:03:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn off the hot water tank.
salmonmoose ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:03:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sort their DVD / Book collection chromatically - it looks amazing, but is impossible to use.
rcowie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:03:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take/destroy every light bulb in the house. Not just the fixtures and lamps, but the fridge, stove, microwave, and flashlights.
okcboomer87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:03:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In real life when I go to my good friends homes I steal things like salt shakers and put them out in the open in my house that way they come across them.
countrybear7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:04:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take their mattress and put it in the bathroom.
Machinegun_Pete ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:04:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bring my own ingredients, make em dinner, and leave before they get home with dinner served.
sadmadmen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:04:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break in while everyone is sleeping and hook them up to IVs that they use on people that are dehydrated. Also if they have a roomba nail it to the floor.
Ceilingkitty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:05:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move around the furniture
Drogba006 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:05:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove all batteries from electronic devices/remotes
Shugyosha ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:05:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
take the batteries from all of their remotes. open all their cupboard doors. take a shit on their rug
i_cant_find_a_name ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:06:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remote control.
TheVoiceInWadesHead ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:06:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd turn on all the taps in the house and flood it. I'll call myself The Wet Bandit!
SammyJohnnyVickers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:06:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break in and fart and leave undetected
SmudgeGirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:06:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find out which neighbors are lactose intolerant. Leave them Ice cream in their freezer.
GiraffeFetusArt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:06:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into homes you've been to as a guest, knowing what kind of furniture they have beforehand. Getting the exact same kind of furniture. Exchange the furniture and put the new ones where the old ones stood, so that they know it's not their sofa, but it looks exactly the same as their sofa so they aren't sure how that happened. Do this with everything they own that you can find another version of.
AshleyForPresident ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:07:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hardboil half of their eggs and place them back in the egg carton.
Edit: a word
Jeremy_Alberts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:07:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well I'm rather feminine so I'd rearrange their furniture
SketchyFella_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:07:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I take all the electronics and remove one crucial wire from them. Maybe it's the power source, maybe it's the audio, who knows? I am Mayhem.
UndeadBread ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:08:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There was someone who did this sort of thing in the movie The Following. He would break into people's houses and wouldn't really steal anything; he would just kinda move things around, drink a bit of wine, or whatever. He wanted to make people feel unsure and uneasy without actually taking physical things from them.
gtaylor95 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:08:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
move everything they own 1 inch so that you just feel weird. source roommate in college did this to me everything just feels off and you dont know why ohh and on my desk he flipped everything to the other side of the table except for the mouse
MooseInTheHay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:09:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the batteries out of every remote.
MRdaBakkle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:10:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Freshmen year of college during a break my friends plastered my side of the dorm room with stikie notes. Four years later I will occasionally find a post it note in a book of dvd case.
Garrett959 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:10:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything 3 inches to the left
sunshinesquirrel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:11:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rub butter on all the tooth brushes and masterbate over their shoes, never cum on them but I'd just write a note in Latin saying:
"paenitet me modo faciat pedes"
SupaHotSackboy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:11:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move the time on every clock and hour backwards. Although, I'm probably here a decade late since everyone uses phones now.
njm_nick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:12:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd leave a lava lamp in their house
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:12:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A little brush of ink on random every day things. One at a time, not a ton of stuff at once. The TV remote, underneath the soap, computer mouse, under the arms of a wooden chair, car door handle, the inner lip of the fridge door, telescope eye piece (classic).
My goal would be to get it to the point that they just stop washing their hands, and except that they have a ghost octopus.
zen_zero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:13:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all your guitar plectrums
olafmetal2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:13:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Actually kinda did this once with my brother and cousin (cousin 1). We wanted to go kayaking and my cousin's brother (cousin 2) had one at his house. So we drive over to cousin 2's house who is unknowing we're going to his house. It was not. So cousin 1 get into the house through the window if I remember right. Then when we get in the house we realize the kayak isn't in the house. So instead of calling cousin 2 like normal people we decide to fuck with him.
So we rearranged his funiture (putting chairs to face corners so you'd have to move them to use them, overturned ottomans) we did his dishes that were in the sink, took out his compost, moved his bike into his bedroom etc. And then we leave. Now it's around 5/6ish PM and cousin 1 gets a phonecall. It's cousin 2. Puts cousin 2 on speaker phone.
Cousin 1: hey bro whats up. Cousin 2: Dude someone broke into my house Cousin 1: Oh damn man what did they take Cousin 2: They didnt take anything, they just moved all my furniture, and they did my dishes [all of us start giggling] Cousin 2: did you do this? Cousin 1: what? no Cousin 2: yes you did admit it
Then it went on like that for a little and then we admitted to it and we all had a laugh.
TL;DR - we wanted to go kayaking, went to cousin 2's house to get kayak, cousin 1 (with me and my bro) get in to house and then rearrange furniture and do cousin 2's dishes, get call later from cousin 2 about weird burglers
kman418 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:14:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch all the TV remotes around so they don't work with the tv's correctly
SimplyJordan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:14:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip all glasses the opposite way they were
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:14:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well clearly he only option is to rearrange the inputs on their TV's, or better yet slightly unplug some of the speakers so they sound funny
_fuzz_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:14:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rewire all the lights in the house so the light switchs turn on random lights in different rooms
chattytrout ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:14:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sit naked in the kitchen doing a crossword puzzle.
Pfaff1911 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:14:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd act deaf and keep asking them if they can hear me following them around while I do it
schnozzberriestaste ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:15:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put rags in their sinks to plug em and turn on the water
Sono2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:15:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange the silverware and dishes.
traws06 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:15:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dump put all their mayonnaise and replace it with Miracle Whip
JTibbs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:15:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Inject orange juice into their mint toothpaste tubes, and mix it up
traws06 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:16:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take a dump in the cat's liter box
jaegerbrosi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:16:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shit in their toilets.
nightlymare ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:16:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take off shower heads, empty an entire container of high concentrated gel food coloring, the kind that's super pigmented, stains absolutely everything and takes forever to come out. Screw nossels back on, wish them a good fucking shower. Liquid capsaicin in their tooth paste, mouthwash, eyedrops, and jock itch cream. Add vinegar to milk, half-half in fridge so it's completely curdled. Hide all the toilet paper except for one square hanging on the roll. Turn radio to max volume in car on the most metal station I can find, also buy frozen mice from pet store and hide under spare tire under flap in back of car. Carefully snip cactus quills, dump into slippers or underwear drawer.
20stonebeastofaboy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:16:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the remote control, or replace their normal coffee with decaffeinated coffee.
PrximityMines ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:17:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I take the cereal out of the box and put it in a different brand of cereal
Vaklempt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:17:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
reverse the hinges on 1/2 the doors in the house
deeterman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:18:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the aluminum foil.
RobertDCBrown ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:18:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide the salt shaker, but leave the pepper. Or take all the batteries out of tv remotes.
rinzler83 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:18:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd take a shit in their toilet and not flush.
Ted_lives ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:18:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap the hot and cold water lines.
LC0728 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:19:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, that's easy.
You take off all the doors and just lean them against the frame.
Vokunbrii ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:19:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Completely rearrange the furniture
Aesthetys ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:19:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would find the biggest parking lot around during the busiest time of day, and I would steal cars and move them all around to different spots in the parking lot.
willthesane ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:19:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into a bank Vault, leave 100 dollars extra. It'll cause more headache than removing any amount of money.
In_the_heat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:19:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I watch her bike so it doesn't get stolen, put vitamins in her shampoo so her hair doesn't fall out, and test her food so it doesn't get poisoned.
Sam095 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:39:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Might want to fix her plumbing while you're at it, just to really demonstrate your value.
In_the_heat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:35:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Can I then engage her physically?
castlevaniac ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:19:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds like the concept that started the thieves guild in the Elder Scrolls universe.
4bangeranger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:20:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Upper decker. That is all.
Bennypp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:21:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make their beds with the pillows at the wrong end.
Birdwatchingyou ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:22:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would put birds in their house.
PCsomo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:22:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Going to get buried at this point but I'd simply flip the toilet paper rolls around.
PervertWhenCorrected ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:22:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's lots of people who believe this actually happens. look up gang stalking.
fuggahmo_mofuhgga ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:23:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Smear my poop on their air filters.
Aimster95 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:23:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Paint the walls and move the furniture then bake some fresh cookies and put a false SOLD sign in the front.
zombiemakemelol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:23:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go to apartment complexes and repark cars in various locations. Make them freak the fuck out and slowly lose their minds.
Vup ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:24:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Smear my shit round light bulbs and behind radiators so the smell is untraceable.
cklole ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:24:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the WiFi password to a 57 random character string.
ApisTeana ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:24:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mount the flatscreen upside down
OrganicVandal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:25:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Uh... That is called Organic Vandalism. It's good for you and it doesn't hurt anything.
spliff_politics_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:25:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn everything upside down fo sho
emergency_blanket ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:26:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i used to be a hotel room cleaner and once i solved a rubiks cube that was in a room
Kickingandscreaming ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:26:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch hot and cold water plumbing supply pipes and connect wall outlets to light switches.
josecuervo2107 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:27:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch around all the labels on their canned foods
specialfred453 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:27:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would break in and mount all the furniture to the ceiling uoside down directly above where it originally was.
codemonkey985 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:27:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the toilet paper brand
killerrabbit217 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:28:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all of their furniture a few inches over.
XxSharperxX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:29:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put several unpaired socks in their sock drawer.
Phil0501 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:30:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put the roll of toilet paper with the paper coming from under. If it is already upside down, I burn down their house
AlexaGxo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:30:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all of their furniture an inch to the left.
Tamatone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:30:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shift everything I can 4 inches to the left. Laugh maniacally as people bump into things.
KevinOnTheRise ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:30:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything in the house 5 inches to the left.
AirmanZimm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:32:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change all his favorite channels from sports to lifetime network and weather channel
Devayurt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:32:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Clean their houses/apartments, my friends and I would do this in dorm rooms during college, shits hilarious.
JewFrobee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:32:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"I realized as soon as I kicked in the door, I didn't want to do a B and E. I just wanted to kick a door in, so I walked in and kicked the closet door down too. Then ran away" -D. Cook
Seriously no Dane cook quotes in here?
ZeLoTat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:32:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Technically you would need intent to steal to be a burglar, other than that you would just be a troll via horseplay and minor offenses
Left_Afloat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:32:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap the hot and cold on random faucets.
DomDevil81 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:33:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Teach their pets commands on random ordinary words, like to pee on something when they say 'what', or to bark when they swear.
RollingTape ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:34:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace one or two family photos with hated political figures, every few months.
jubjub119 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:34:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Instead of stealing things from them, I put things in their house they've never seen
babblingbabboon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:34:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I heard a story about a guy who would break in to peoples houses and rearrange their furniture. It was on my local radio station some years back.
TrapperJon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:34:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn on the TV. Turn the volume all the way up. Turn the TV off.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:35:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was on vacation in Florida. Got a call of a break in at my house in MA. They broke a window to get in, drank two budweisers, looked like they used our exercise equipment, slept in my bed, and never stole anything.
Still unsettled.
GassyWizard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:35:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything 2 inches to the left
fathertime979 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:35:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Open all the drawers and closets and dressers toss everything on the floor, and move a few key items to different places. They'll be wondering what i stole.
That or be nice and silent about it, cut power lines from inside the house and out. As well as steal their Direct TV box, and CenturyLink router, cause we all know how their customer support is.
Grenadeblast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:36:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fake Windows Update
backinnam92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:36:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything two inches.
EraseIt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:37:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would put the toaster in the fridge so it could cool off.
IStalkYouAtNight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:37:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Step 1. Find a house where a family is sleeping.
Step 2. Bring cat pictures and a cat suit.
Step 3. Replace all pictures with the cat pictures.
Step 4. Put the cat suit on.
Final step. Do This really loud. COMMENCE THE CONFUSION!!
happykidd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:38:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My favourite is to replace all batteries that work with dead ones. After a while they might stock up. Replace all stocked battery with dead ones.
stevegar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:38:29 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all of the toilet paper in the house
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:39:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If they have a crucifix, turn it upside down. If they don't have one, install one normally. Return randomly, with more crosses if necessary and rotate/install as needed.
Allokit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:39:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
put dead batteries in all of their remote controls. and also. put locks on doors that didn't have locks, and lock them.
rainbowdashtheawesom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:40:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Empty their shampoo bottles and refill them with mustard.
zjrk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:41:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Throw out all the toilet paper, and leave an empty roll on the hook. Do it every couple of days.
EryliaStarheart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:41:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is pervasive enough that it has a term of its own in criminal psychopathology.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:41:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is ACTUALLY a thing called "gaslighting." Its a means of psychological torture. Charles Manson used to do this to victims.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting
kickingpplisfun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:41:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Replace their butter with margerine, and vice versa. Do this for as many products as you can.
Pawn_in_game_of_life ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:42:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Uncap their toothpaste
rootpl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:42:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap salt with sugar!
heroesarestillhuman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:42:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reset their cable boxes and activate that stupid zoom mode that people only seem to find accidentally at 9pm on a Saturday night or right before a major sports event. The howls, the howls!
mozoza ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:43:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought this was /r/writingprompts
FlyingScotsman93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:43:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide the TV remote.
trenton91 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:43:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put the liquid form of capsaicin on there door handles. Or do a remodel in there house if you have time. Such as blocking off a halfway with a new wall. It would only take a few hours to do once you had the paint color of course.
Xitulis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:43:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A lot of these people have really complicated plans, but I think it could be as simple as moving things around slightly, but making it noticeable, and doing it almost, if not everyday. For example, moving a chair a little bit away from the wall, so in a few days, it's in the middle of the floor. Or if they notice and fix it early, move it EVEN MORE the next time, just to get em ;)
bigsharsk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:44:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
take a shit in the heating duct.
sl600rt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:44:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
rearrange all their kitchen drawers and cabinets.
flateware in the knife drawer. knives into junk drawer, junk into the flatware, and so on.
KINKYFIREMAN ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:44:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shift all furniture in the house a few inches to the left and right at random and watch as they continuously stub their toes while I giggle with glee
Socrathustra ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:45:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Set all their clocks back ten minutes -- just enough to make them late, not enough to make them suspect their clocks are off.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:45:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Upper deckers on a lunar cycle.
rank1prayer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:45:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace All of the batteries in the house with shitty dollar store batteries and then take away the spares. In a week go back and do the same thing
treeeman1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:46:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remind them that everytime they swallow their ears pop
MuthaFuckasTookMyIsh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:46:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So I'm not a burger burglar?
blazecraft007 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:46:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put a squirrel in their wall.
Swift_Jolteon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:46:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Have the volume all the way up on their Tv so they get blasted when they turn it on
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:46:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove the shower head and fill it with red Kool-Aid powder, then reinstall.
Tirayu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:47:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unplug every electronical device. Someday they will do it too and then you plug everything in
qreus3301 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:47:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Honest truth, me and my friend used to do this when we were younger. Not with people's homes but things like schools and public buildings. One time we stole the gym teachers key and got a copy cut during our lunch hour. Then we started going into the school at night and stacking all the tables and chairs in a classroom or changing all the clocks making weird smudges and freaking drawings on the board. The school obviously figured out some one was breaking in but all the kids were convinced the school was haunted haha.
SuppA-SnipA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:48:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Eat all their yogurt.
masquerade_wolf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:48:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace their milk with a full one.
Fecklessnz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:48:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well what I do is I take all their possessions lying around, and put them into drawers and baskets in their house. When they wake up or get home, they think they've been robbed, but they haven't! HAHAHAHAHA
DrDoom12912 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:49:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just go into somebody's house when they aren't there of course and place random things on the counter. A cactus, jack in the box, Christmas ornaments etc..
BlackBox- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:49:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip the toilet paper, lift the seats and squeeze the toothpaste from the middle.
VulpesFennekin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:49:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably turn all the toilet paper rolls backwards. At first they'll just think they put it on wrong and forgot, but soon the panic will set in.
fuzzymanpeach55 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:50:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kick the door in and switch all the batteries in their remotes.
AMNJG24F ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:51:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Repaint the family room a different color.
habloconleche ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:52:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I heard about people breaking in and rearranging the houses furniture. That's all they did.
Must be weird as fuck to come back to that.
conquer69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:53:02 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lower or increase the sensitivity of their computer mouse by 1 notch every week.
IdentityS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:53:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I go into the backs of toilets and make the plug to the toilets not block the water entirely so it drains continuously. In addition, I might remove the glass on any picture frames hanging up.
travignition ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:53:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would just flip all of the toilet paper rolls. If they like them over I'll turn them to under or vice versa.
MindHackz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:53:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Erase their search history.
User839 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:54:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn the bed around.
anooblol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:54:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go in and take a poop in their toilet. Do not flush, use the entire roll of toilet paper, but throw them in a separate bag, and remove the bag when you're done. Just a ghost poop with no remnants left behind.
JuicyFeet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:54:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide all their remotes.
dafuzzbudd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:54:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip/spin couch cushions. Swap forks/spoons in the silverware drawer. Move little things to throw them off and cause confusion.
rock_and_shock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:54:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Right. What you do is, you get three pigs...
Edit: typo
MintJulepTestosteron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:55:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make them take survey
MightyMaxyPad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:55:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide car keys, leave ALL the toilet seats up, and strategically place items in the fridge and cabinets that fall out when they're opened
Flamboyant-bob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:55:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Its all been done in the movie Amรฉlie (http://m.imdb.com/title/tt0211915/). Where she "mind fucks" with a mean shopkeeper.
PROSTATEMONSTER ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:55:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do their taxes, next year the IRS is gonna audit the shit out of them.
bojiggidy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:55:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would steal one leg each from every piece of furniture. Every table, chair, couch, stand, stool, etc. would all become unbalanced.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:56:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Back in the 60s, this was an actual thing. they called it the "creepy crawl" - you'd break into a home, and do stuff to let the owners know you were in there, so they would freak out. Stuff like rearrange the furniture, swap pictures around, etc. maybe break some stuff. But usually not actually steal anything.
Endurlay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:56:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wasn't this a Dane Cook bit?
Okhlahoma_Beat-Down ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:56:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shit in the funniest possible place.
Well, funny as in "Oh my God, you found a shit in your sink? Haha, that's unlucky".
The homeowners would be confused and terrified by the time the thinly pasted trail of diarrhea on the inside rim of the fridge door handle was discovered.
LeeBlackLabel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:57:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all DVD copies of Rocky with Rocky 5.
FracturedAnt1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:57:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip all their coffee mugs over.......cause marital chaos..........
I_play_elin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:57:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Repost unoriginal askreddit threads.
MisunderstoodDemon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:58:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all lube with a proprietary blend of super glue and hotsauce
Space_man010 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:58:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I give them things.
buildallthethings ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:59:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was drunk one time and decided it would be fun to turn around bicycle seats and unhoom the chains from the gears. Then a bunch of cops showed up and took me in to question me if i was trying to steal the bicycles.
Emptyplates ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:59:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, I didn't break into a house to do this but, my friend had neighbors on opposite ends of her street who both happened to have garden gnomes. Neighbor A had a collection of very large garden gnomes and neighbor Z had small garden gnomes. I spent every Saturday night swapping the large for small and small for large. For nearly 6 months, and never got taught. The last time I did a mix and match and added another neighbor's Jesus statue to yard A. Good times.
hipdipflip ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:59:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Refill their ketchup every week so it never seems to finish.
DoctorFit94 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:00:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace the batteries in the remote with shitty batteries.
thesunmustdie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:00:21 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take a dump in their toilet(s). Call me the turdfairy.
Sir_Fridge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:00:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip all the light switches so they operate other lights. Or flip em upside down so the previously off position is now on.
ribsinbacon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:01:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd Leave Gideon Bibles peoples night stands.
ggouge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:02:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fill search history's with crazy porn and leave a page open change all bookmarks too porn but leave the names the same.
kapone3047 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:03:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fill their browser history with furry porn and hide bits and pieces of furry costumes around their house.
KazakhstanGreat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:04:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all of their furniture a few inches to the left
weedful_things ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:05:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change to toilet paper roll to pay off from the bottom.
ratchet_hd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:05:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange the furniture one piece a day but in a way its not noticed until the tv is upside down and the dishes move cabinets
MoshiMoshiKamiDesu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:05:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I scrolled pretty far and didn't find a single Dane Cook reference to his B&E bit. So disappointed. :(
Willimeow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:06:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
... So you're not really a burglar are you.
stuchapin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:06:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In high school I would go 2 house parties, find what ever fruit they had in the house, and then hide it around the house. This turned into quite a problem as I was able to pull off 25 or so heists.
dribanlycan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:08:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
steal most of their forks, replace with spoons
a month later, steal all my spoons back and replace with butter knives.
and then sometime later replace all of their sliverware with inch thick, 9 inch long steal cable.
put all their socks under their bed with a bunch of wood chips, feathers,and egg shells.
Put a terrarium somewhere in their house with a few easy to keep snakes and put a few dead frozen mice in their freezer, with a note that states how to care for them and their names.
if they have a computer, upgrade it with the latest parts you can get, then 3 months later upgrade it to something worse then what they had. If and when they call someone to fix it, put all of their old hardware back in.
if they have name brand soda, replace it all with generic shit without the label
kool-aid in the shower head. replace every week for months, then take the shower head, a few days after they get a new one replace it with their new one. put their "new" one in a bucket of kool aid and put it somewhere in their kitchen.
print out some arguments from some random forums, frame them and put them on a wall with a plack that reads "arguments won"
replace their clothes with cargo shorts and flame print button up shirts and put DVD of any show hosted by guy fury around their house, in weird spots. also watching all said shows on netflix
place bags for everybody in the house that has grappling hooks, flares, rations for a week, water, a knife, ect ect wherever they keep their bags/coats.
make them jello and pudding but with black food coloring
steal peoples phones and put them in other peoples houses.
mannequins all around their bed, a week later have them all around their computer with beanies watching youtube poops. A week later have they all in the kitchen with food for the whole day prepared. Another week later, have them in their yard standing in a circle looking away from each other with a dead animal in the middle(road kill)
nail some shoes to the floor, but not theirs.
make a fake stone walls and add it to their front door, windows ect ect
lord i could go on and on...
every week doing different things, both helpful and creepy.
DandyBean ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:08:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So not a burglar then?
TennisMaster2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:08:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's 1998. I steal their memory card at night and play Final Fantasy VII on save slot 99. I return it every morning.
Norse_of_60 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:08:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
At a house party back in the 80s we peeled all the labels of the cans in the pantry. Dudes mom was super PISSED. Didn't know if she was opening dog food or corn.
savagekid737373 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:08:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Abduct their child, but change all their pictures to have the child missing and hide all evidence that they ever had the child, that way they will always be wondering if the child was real or a figment of their imagination.
thefrado ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:09:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rewire the light switches in their house over time. The light switch in the kitchen turns on the light in the bathroom, the bedroom switch turns on the dining room lights and so on.
ProfTeamun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:09:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pranks
TheArkLuno ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:10:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You open up this thread on their computer...
SakuOtaku ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:10:39 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would put more and more things into their houses.
evilspyboy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:10:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
If the salt and pepper shakers are marked then switch the contents
Edit - Changing my answer.... if they look like they run them down equally (add both salt and pepper) then mixing the salt and the pepper in both containers so they are 50/50 in each.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:11:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would remove all the labels off canned goods.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:11:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I saw on here once a guy said pick someone you work with, and steal all of their spoons. Then, send then work emails with the word "spoon" in your signature in white lettering so they can't see it.
Google would apparently pick up on it and display ads for spoons, just to taunt them.
Buttonion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:11:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave the taps running.. that way you'll be known as the wet bandits!
MrFwuffy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:11:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I listen in on their conversations and look for notes left that express a need for something from the store. I then take as much money as the item would cost, buy it and put it on their kitchen counters. I then would watch the looks on their faces when they thank each other for going out to get the thing.
Thenderson2011 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:11:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Definitely reverse the batteries in all their stuff.
Change the input their electronics are hooked up to.
Do like they did on step brothers when they're sleep walking hahaha
Lovelaughingtoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:12:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Throw away the backs to earrings. I can only imagine the amount of frustration the woman will go through!
kattywompis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:12:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
unplug the fridge
crowdsourced ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:13:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If the action has to be theft-like, and we're talking the suburbs, I'd take all the shoelaces. Of course, this wouldn't work with elderly victims or women who wear a lot of high heels.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:13:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap out their ketchup and mustard with a mustard bottle full of ketchup and a ketchup bottle full of mustard.
pretentiouscats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:13:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave one square of toilet paper on each roll. Also all forms of wipes, napkins, and paper towels will be gone.
electricmaster23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:13:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nice try, Professor Chaos...
FetchedSun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:14:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So one time I was at a convention and heard a lovely true story by one of the Voice Actors there (she did this to J. Michael Tatum).
She and her brother went over to Tatum's house expecting him to be there, but he had apparently gone out for the afternoon. Okay, they thought, we'll come back later.
But wait! A window was unlocked. So they opened it and went inside. Once inside, they decided to rearrange the furniture and then have a sticky-note saying 'thanks for the good time, had a blast' and placed it in an easy-to-see spot. They then went to the store and bought Tatum's favorite brand+flavor of ice cream, wrote "I <3 Tatum" all over it, and placed it in his freezer.
Apparently when Tatum got back, he freaked out, and I think he called the cops.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPeUtlwmT9w is the story of the prank.
Space_man010 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:16:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would give them an Dairy queen cake, a fake puppy and a card saying, "Happy birthday, love Jerry." , then I would steal all the chocolate , just to give Jerry a bad name.
Fetus_Soup ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:16:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I literally read this exact question not long ago. God damnit what has askreddit come to.
FiredUpNatsu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:16:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
While doing my B & E, I like to take all the batteries from their remotes.
bunker_man ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:16:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My aunt used to be legitimately schizophrenic style crazy. She functions now and hasn't hallucinated in over a decade, but is still a little wired. She smokes in bed and falls asleep smoking all the time, but refuses to admit she dropped a cigarette on her bed before. So she has these paranoid delusions that robbers snuck into her house and didn't take anything that she noticed that was expensive like her computer, but smokedon her bed and moved her doors more open or closed. She also claims that one of her friends tried to give her a cyanide tablet and she slipped it in her pocked without taking it and it burned her leg. But also she's still friends with that person despite claiming they tried to kill her.
ScurvyLegsMcGee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:16:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal the remote batteries.
The_real_Voldemort ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:16:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shit in their beds
Coop569 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:17:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wouldn't people think their home is possessed, I knew couple who came home to a peanut butter & jam sandwich in their bed and thought it was a ghost.
barrythemagicalfart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:17:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
do a real hard shit log into their instant nescafe coffee jar and shake it up so they have a few cups before they realise. i have loads of these.
NYU2018 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:17:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Look up Dane Cook b&e
TheHarshCarpets ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:17:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
tickle their buttholes?
http://www.viralthread.com/texas-butthole-tickling-bandit-finally-caught-bums-unclench-everywhere/
MustyDank ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:17:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Burn their house down
ShooTa666 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:18:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
standard - release 5 sheep into their property - each with a number on.
1
2
3
4
6
BossKiller888 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:18:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Late to the party, but I think some asshole burglar got to me last night. Sitting there watching OITNB this morning, I look to my clock to see when the episode will be over only to notice it is WAY later than I expected; exactly 6.5 hours later than expected. It seems as though someone turned my wall clock upside-down in the middle of the night. Nothing seems to be missing or misplaced, just the clock thing. I live with only my fiancee and I feel confident that she didn't do this. So fucking weird.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:19:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put breadcrumbs in their beds.
AwkwardSymbiote ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:19:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Keep putting old batteries in there smoke detectors.
General_Apathy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:20:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Poop where I shouldn't.
cohedric ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:20:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all the toilet paper rolls in the house from right ways to upside down
madhatter10-9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:20:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change all the sockets to european ones.
inspired_apathy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:20:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bring a DVD of Frozen and leave it on the coffee table, this copy plays normally for about 30 minutes before switching to the porn version.
f3asttree ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:20:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Time and materials provided, reset the entire house in a mirror image.
Trollopolis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:20:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unplug the internet bum bum bum
18nLegal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:21:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide the remote.
richardkelley21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:21:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dildos, dildos everywhere!
ckat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:21:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Something I actually do to mess with my friends roommates is move all their stuff in the kitchen over by an inch
laxintx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:22:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange the living room. Flip all the toilet paper so it rolls inward. Adjust digital clocks from AM to PM. Tie all the shoelaces. Leave one, lonely, random beer in the fridge.
sfu1129 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:22:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move every small item (not larger cause may be difficult) to the complete opposite side of the house and take all the left shoe.
ButtersLeopold09 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:23:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange the furniture
undertakersbrother ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:24:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hiding all of toilet paper.
DoneDoof ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:25:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put the remote control in one of the kids rooms
prjindigo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:25:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One day when I was growing up I learned what a search engine was and how to use it, so I then searched for the SAME GODDAMNED SUBJECT LESS THAN SIX MONTHS OLD and found what I was looking for. Apparently this actually annoys people who don't know what "Next Page" means or how to type words into a window that finds things.
I've been ostracized and abused in public and private for this knowledge but I've found that knowing facts and swooping in to ruin their ignorance parties on the internet is great fun.
foxfire1112 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:41:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
what?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:27:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move every piece of furniture about 5 inches to the left. That way, they know something is different but will can put their finger on it.
ssovm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:28:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So this happened to our family before.
Start up some soup in a pressure cooker but don't let the steam out. It will explode and boiling soup will be all over the kitchen and there will also be damage from the pressure cooker exploding. Bonus points if you use some really thick soup like broccoli cheddar.
foxfire1112 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:40:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your family survived a pressure cooker bomb
DarkSoulsRage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:28:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kick down the doors and leave.
WTP_Engage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:28:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all their furniture 3 inches over in one direction.
killfuzzy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:28:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Start putting Nome's in random lacations around some ones garden, just a couple to begin with over a couple weeks moving the ones that are already there each time as well, then one night competely fill their house with them.
SamHimself ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:29:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd fry some bacon. Leave it on a plate with two eggs, uncooked and still in the shell. A glass of mimosa might freak the deal.
psytrancedsquid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:29:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace half the shampoo with water. Do the same with the toothpaste. Super glue the batteries into the remotes so when they run out they cannot get the batteries out.
derindel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:29:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
everyday take a shit in the microwave and set it for a few minutes then leave.
Nanteen666 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:32:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You could be a massive tool. Break,into Jewish and Muslim homes, and put bacon in the,fridge.
Probably_Is_Lying ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:33:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the batteries out of everything
John_Smithers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:33:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn everything upside down
Beaan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:34:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put the handle to the refrigerator on the other side of the door.
radseven89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:35:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Move all the toilet paper and tissues from their bathroom except for a tiny bit that is not enough to wipe with. Then they have to do the awkward pants around the ankles walk around their house looking for something to wipe with.
enslavedbyvegetables ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:35:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal their glasses and change the lens prescriptions
TheSJWing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:36:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
YOU TAKE THE FUCKING BEADS
CaiHaines ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:36:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
one played a prank on my two younger brothers when they were out i switched all their clothes into the other one's cupboard. Swapped their duvets and pillows but not the bedsheets, so when they got into bed something would be slightly off but not visually different. Basicaally just tried to flip the entire room around but keep it looking almost exactly the same.
So yeah i'd do that
frogspa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:38:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap items like for like in all the houses in your street.
Watch and enjoy as neighbourly relationships start to disintegrate.
oRobby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:38:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
flip the batteries in their tv controller around
Dougdahead ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:38:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This actually happened to my best friend's brother. He kept leaving his apartment without locking the door. One day my best friend, another friend, and myself decided to teach him a lesson. We went to his apartment right after he left. We rearranged his furniture so it was exactly opposite from the norm. On the way out my friend took a single bite out of his snickers bar he had in the fridge. He was baffled. We waited about a month before we told him.
Darkriku51 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:38:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave a note saying I dipped 1 thing from their house into the toilet and put it back and watch them live in fear and try to figure out what it is.
Stockers93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:38:27 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take All the labels off of the tinned food...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:38:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace the front door with 70s beads
WouldyoukindIy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:38:31 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange anything that was organized. Books go on different shelves, cds and dvds get placed in the wrong cases, if there's an unlocked computer, files end up in hidden folders.
foxfire1112 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:38:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move every table and picture over 4 inches in the same direction
Aimless_Precision ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:39:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I ejaculate on and in as many kitchen appliances and gadgets as possible.
Sickeboy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:39:42 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
you take their infant child and switch it with the infant child of the other family you "burgle".
Limberine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:40:07 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would scatter various flower seeds through their lawn and garden and water them and tend them over several weeks so they establish.
Ncderp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:40:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For your guy friends with long-time girlfriends....go into Jared or similar and get an engagement ring booklet...leave it somewhere she would find it. I know this isn't quite burglary because you know them...but whatever.
Seanthebyrner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:40:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just rearrange bits of furniture every so often
HalloweenBen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:40:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into cars, move seat forward.
bixtuelista ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:40:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into a factory and give them a bunch of left hand thread bolts and nuts.
quantum_waffles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:40:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the furniture one inch to the right.
Flowers818 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:41:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bring a ruler, move everything I can about 2-3 inches to the right while they're out at dinner. Move it back the next month. Repeat. Turn the lights on at night when they've turned them off to go to bed. Start stealing underwear and socks, gradually replacing them with newly-bought garments until they get confused.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:41:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kill their oldest child, only their oldest child.
at0mheart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:42:01 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch living room furniture with the neighbors
bixtuelista ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:42:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
go to commercial construction site and put centimeter tapemeasure in the gang box.
foxfire1112 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:42:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take important things and return them in randoms family members rooms a week later. Watch the blame game ruin the family brick by brick
Celtslap ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:42:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd steal a single shoe like Mossad does.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:44:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Buy 100 of the same exact doll, have it standing and looking at the door so when they come home they open the door to this doll, do this a few times a month so they think it keeps coming back
IamCarbonMan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:44:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sing loudly and out of tune.
dorkdiariesisforboys ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:44:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find one of my classmates I particularly hate and download a bunch of rule 34 and spread them out all over their family computer.
Ashfaaq18 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:45:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
place "the ring" movie tape in the TV's tape player and program it so that the owner can't change channels. fuck now I'm scared to go to the toilet OP y u remind me dis?
BasedCod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:45:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a kid, my friends and I thought it would be funny to swap the entire patio furniture sets/arrangements of two neighbors who shared a backyard in the middle of the night. I still wish I had the chance to see the next day reactions and extreme confusion.
blackchinesecowboy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:46:16 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
https://youtu.be/gcYhlRm8ckg
Dozer10 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:46:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch their solid white tuna in water for chunk light in oil
iambaney ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:47:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My old roommate and I used to actually do something like this at our old apartment complex.
After an empty unit was fixed up and right before someone moved in, we would pick the lock, sneak in, and "borrow" all the closet rods. The apartment maintenance crew was probably more confused by this than the new residents, though, especially after we left our large stockpile of 2in wooden dowels for the crew to discover after we moved out.
Ellaunenchanted ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:47:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Late to the party but I hide the lids to their tupperware containers.
gingerblz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:48:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Show up at their house with a six pack of beer and pretend that you're an old friend.
sweets333 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:48:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn the volume to Max on all their electronics.
InformalCriticism ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:48:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reverse toilet paper directions in each bathroom.
only-the-lonely ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:50:13 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove small very expensive items and hide them in other parts of the person's home, yet leave obvious signs of a break-in. So that later on when they finally find them they get accused of trying to defraud the insurance company
wakefield4011 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:50:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap labels on canned goods.
JDSlim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:50:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn stove and fridge 180 degrees.
zeyadjamal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:50:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Call yourself a burglar but never steal anything
etherealthea ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:51:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move every single object slightly over a few millimeters to the left over a period of time. That way, they can't see the difference, but will be constantly bumping into things.
Morgendorffers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:51:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch their toilet paper to be on the opposite way than they had it.
Add coffee or water to their juices and milks.
Move furniture slightly so that they bang their knees or shins.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:51:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide the remotes, silverware, and toothpaste
williambueti ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:52:09 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Burn toast, and eat part of one of the pieces in their bed. The other slice of toast I throw away.
Bartender_Danny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:52:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all their shirts with the same shirts one size smaller
ddubsUSC2013 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:54:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That episode of mash was amazing
puta_trinity ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:52:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the batteries from the remotes! And then hide all the batteries since I can't steal them
Leens ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:52:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Upper deck in every toilet.
My3centsItsWorthMore ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:52:58 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
jpo598 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:53:32 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove all the labels from the canned goods and mix them up in the cupboard.
karpathian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:53:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put coins inside objects slowly and then one day take them all out.
dudeidunno13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:54:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything four inches too the right
Zyk40 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:54:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Build a secret room under the stairs and start living in it .
sap91 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:54:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide lots of pieces of fish inside their curtain rods. They'll never figure out where the smell is coming from.
oddleaves ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:54:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Last night a friend and I were cruising through our neighbourhood when we drove past a familiar house in a suburb we haven't been to in a while. Trying our best to remember, we finally discovered that is was one of the houses we would cut a few centimetres off a lawn hose every few nights for weeks. :)
There's no more hose in that front yard.
genethedancemachine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:55:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Install windows me on everthing
PigeonsOnYourBalcony ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:55:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I turn everything around 180 degrees
WastedGiraffe_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:55:33 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I sneak into the house by the cover of dark. Nitrile gloves and a ski mask to remain anonymous. One unlocked window is all I need. It's a tight squeeze but I manage to get in the downstairs bath window. I then remove my pants and drop one log size dookie and don't flush. Quickly I sneak away into the night. Taking joy in the turmoil created in the morning and the family turns on each other pointing the finger of blame at one another. Resulting in more than one breakfast going cold....
Hurion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:55:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Piss on the rug.
Colby347 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:56:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Microwave the butter, shit in it, put it back in the fridge.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:56:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all the doors in their house with Real Fake Doooooors!
Mynameisstillearl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:58:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
True story here
Me and my homies when we're 15-16 would break into what we had thought was an abandoned house. We truly thought it was foreclosed and inhabited by transients. Every so often we would break in and trash the place (break furniture, Windows, just generally just fuck shit up). We would find beer in the fridge and drink them and break the bottles. We never thought much of the electricity being on we just thought it was a mistake by the city. One day we were getting drunk and decided to go fuck up the bum palace again. We snuck over there and to our surprise we see a family inside having dinner cleaning up the mess from the last destroy the bum palace mission. So as it turns out we would unknowingly destroy a really dirty scummy messy ass family's house once a week. Looking back I feel bad about it but what I wouldn't do to see the horror on their face once a week when they came home to an even more destroyed house " FUCK!!!! honey they did it again" "Omg what happened" "They broke in again!!" "Oh god did they take anything" "No they just broke all our plastic lawn chairs and drank my pbr again!!"
vsheran ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:58:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the batteries out of the TV remote.
wawnton ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:58:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dump out the expensive liquors and replace them with cheap stuff. Then spy on them and see if they notice.
Jawa_Overlord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:58:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Every time a new roll of tp is placed in the bathroom knock the roll into the toilet
Osiris371 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:58:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find and put all the toilet paper into the each toilet (whole roll, and flush so it's soaked. Any surplus goes in a bathful of water.
akumagold ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:58:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove/Add steps to their staircase
5ubnatural ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:59:10 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal your tv remote and then drive by while your watching a climactic scene and change the channel at the worst possible moment.
speakingofsegues ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:59:34 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange the furniture.
Jggodina1991 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:59:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lower the thermostat so they wake up cold every morning and argue about who turned it down
jdkon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:59:47 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all the toilet papers rolls backwards so they roll behind instead of in front
Yazbremski ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:59:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break in every single night and move the couch about 1/4 inch away from the wall.
sh2003 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:01:21 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You belong in /r/scenesfromahat
MeridianOne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:01:35 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd turn all of their tv's onto a channel showing static then stack their kitchen chairs onto the table to make it look like the scene from Poltergeist.
busstopper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:01:45 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all of their controllers with controllers with broken analog sticks.
Eclecticfashionista_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:02:03 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change their wifi password.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:02:19 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave them Dane Cook dvds
Hobbstet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:03:18 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
First do a little stalking, find out their birthday on social media and find a recent picture of them, then the night before their birthday leave a cake in their kitchen with the picture on it saying happy birthday from your secret admirer.
InsertEvilLaugh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:03:28 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap the positions of things.
Open their kitchen drawers and swap the placement of forks and knives.
Find their shoes and make it so the left is on the right and the right on the left.
Little things like that.
LLotZaFun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:03:49 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Drop an upper decker in each toilet. The gift that keeps on giving.
Then I'd clean all their dishes and vacuum. Last thing I'd do is look through their fridge and freezer and leave a note regarding any expired or close to expired food. I'm not a fucking savage ya know.
Marioc87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:04:10 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap all left socks with right socks
SantaCheese ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:11:45 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
wait there are left and right-footed socks? i thought they worked for both sides
PeerlessAnaconda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:05:17 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rotate the sheets on the twin beds so they're not long enough but too wide.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:05:22 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put this in writing prompts
Slapperkitty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:05:51 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Retune their television.
Keytaco ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:06:07 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move every piece of furniture an inch to the right or left and leave hidden cameras. Then watch as hilarity ensues in the form of stubbed toes
phinnmaccool ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:06:09 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
switch there coffee to decaf. Oh, and shit in the sink.
bbobbssagett ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:06:59 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything by an inch so everything looks the same but something will feel off
moosehunter87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:07:12 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We used to turn people's license plates upside down.. Its not burglary but it's funny as hell
jaxxon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:08:19 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A family friend went around to hotels and banks wearing white overalls and had a clipboard and a van and had the people working there hold the door and help him move the furniture out of the lobbies to his van. He even did one place twice!
sh2003 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:08:48 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I would open all their chips and crackers and not seal them, so the next time they wanted some they'd find a bunch of stale food. Best case scenario is it would attract bugs. Then they'd argue with each other about who didn't close the chips. The next time I'd leave the chips alone and take all the lids off the ice cream making it freezer burnt so it would look like the chip opener was getting revenge on whomever ate the ice cream. /popcorn.
Cuttlefish171 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:09:11 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stack all of their books in columns from the floor to the ceiling. Place some columns behind doors.
jakmassakerMLG ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:09:27 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I do things to confuse and annoy my victims.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:09:38 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lift the toilet seats, hide one of each of their socks, set the tv volume to a max volume and have it set to spice TV, and create a carbon monoxide leak to let them do the rest of my job for me. Also rearrange the fridge.
tatertots4u ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:09:55 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put away dirty silverware.
wienersoup ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:10:09 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Me and some friends went another friends apartment and rearranged the furniture. Also put random porn in random places.
SkyOnPC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:10:34 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn their refrigerator around and all of their appliances.
Great_Knight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:10:56 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything in the house 3 inches in the same general direction.
circa10a ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:11:46 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Slowly place nickels in the home phone over the course of several weeks then remove them.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:12:20 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mess with the taps so that they all slightly drip. Just enough so that a few time an hour at night you get a nice big ploop
shimrra ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:12:33 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take a huge crap in the toilet, not flush and leave the seat up.
tfwmanlet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:12:38 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal their WiFi router
EtOHisyourfriend ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:12:38 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave a note with the following: I stole something -neighborhood burglar
the_one_man_taliban ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:13:28 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I hide/place shake weights in various places throughout their house.
PommyKaine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:14:05 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap all the utensil draws and plates and bowls etc around in their kitchen. Muscle memory will throw them off. Do this once every 2 months
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:14:11 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all their spoons with gallium spoons.
LoneMasamune ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:15:21 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would urinate and defecate in their toilet tank, so that when they flush, pee and poop would enter their bowl.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:15:52 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
leave shampoo-filled tissues on an end table with a tape of the Caillou intro on repeat at full-volume on the TV.
Mechamechanic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:16:03 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Clean their house. Some kind of inspection is in an hour, get this place spotless kind of cleaning.
ronnielee31x ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:16:27 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip all the toilet paper going the opposite direction that they had it. If it was not hanging, then I would hide it all in the pantry.
axwd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:18:58 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take batteries outtve all remotes
Aslonz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:19:44 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Scatter Legos all over their floor while they sleep.
AmericanHumdinger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:19:46 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dane Cook had a bit about this.
basedonfacts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:20:03 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Loosen all the screws holding their kitchen cabinet doors on to the point that the door comes off in their hands with one good pull.
Aslonz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:20:29 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shorten the length and height of one step in their house.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:20:58 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My boyfriend: "Shit on the upper part of the toilet. It's called a double decker."
Duke170 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:21:10 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rewire the light switches so 'on' is 'off' and 'off' is 'on'. Then proceed to install a hidden speaker that will play the church like "Hallelujah" every time the lights turn on.
arb1987 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:21:14 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plastic wrap over the toilet so when they go to pee it goes all over
Machu1299 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:21:21 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the stuff a burglar would, like the TV, and hide it somewhere in the house, like in a closet.
kashedout ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:22:56 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace their slippers with ones two sizes smaller, change out the light bulbs in the lamps to lower watts, put a pin in the cord of lamp so it electrocutes them when they switch it on. Change their speed dial on their home phone to a psychiatric hotline.
aceboogie1123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:23:23 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like this question comes up in a slightly different format every few months
deathschemist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:24:02 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
take their keys out of their jackets and put them in drawers.
Loves2watch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:24:18 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would take nothing. I would make a mess but leave all of their items. But to watch them think something is gone would be great.
Or I would move the mothers dildo to the daughters room or vice versa
Wilhelm_Amenbreak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:25:35 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put very sexy panties underneath the beds of married couples
Random2232 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:27:03 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shove all of their keys up their own asses while they are sleeping. Every. Single. Night.
Lichtsprecher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:27:13 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You mean like the premise of the German movie, "Die fetten Jahren sind vorbei?" http://imdb.com/rg/an_share/title/title/tt0408777/
RedWingWheel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:27:27 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just keep taking all the coffee filters and hiding them in random places inside the house.
benmcsausage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:27:32 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal their pugs.
Pavlovs_Doug ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:27:56 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Inject JB weld into all of the door locks.
tsprezzatura ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:28:06 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave 2 tablespoons of milk in the jug. Put paper pop fire crackers under the toilette seat. Delete all DVR episodes. Un plug/ hide the wifi router.
Diddy_8D ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:28:35 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This post brings out the Satan in everyone. I like it.
Bmood1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:28:49 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
spoon them to death
dont_forget_again ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:28:59 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide their valuables at my house
ThaCoderMan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:29:02 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Keep moving stuff on carpets if you don't get this most stuff leaves indents on carpets if it's been there for a while, slowly make someone go mad or think their house is haunted.
macwardy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:29:05 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Slowly fill the landline phone with weights until it gets really hard to pick up, then one day take them all out so it hits them in the face.
ButtSexington3rd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:29:14 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Everywhere, dildos.
ilikecatsoup ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:29:26 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change all their locks. Every night.
geoligeous ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:29:32 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch the "m" and the "n" keys on their keyboard.
Lord_Mozes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:30:11 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Defrost all the frozen foods.
torrentR3zn0r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:30:16 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tear every label off of their canned goods so they have no idea what is in them until they're opened.
Maximus_Sillius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:30:20 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fill up their gas tank and reset trip meter. Leave on the kitchen counter a half-eaten doughnut and a receipt from a gas station across town.
MasterMedic1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:30:46 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dirty all the spoons in the house so no one can scoop things for the morning.
Mynd_Art ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:31:45 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I replace all their silverware with new stuff.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:31:53 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would swap the ketchup and mustard!
Marigold16 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:32:04 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Open every drawer and cupboard door in the house. Dont take anything from them and if necessary, clean up just to prove you didn't take anything. Just open everything that is openable.
TokyoCalling ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:32:59 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Add one pair of racy undergarments.
Perhaps in the laundry hamper.
Perhaps mixed in with other undergarments.
Perhaps stashed next to the bed.
Perhaps with the name "Chris" stitched inside.
TheSubtleSaiyan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:33:05 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
just kick the door off its hinges and steal nothing.
DrMufflebush ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:33:42 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace their normal bacon with turkey bacon to see if they notice.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:35:12 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide open milk containers around the house in hard to reach places
thrashglam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:35:19 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Anyone ever see the French movie Amelie? Yeah. All of that shit.
TheNewJack89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:35:31 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Throw away tv remotes.
MatthewShrugged ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:35:38 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
hide several small devices that beep once a week around their house. make sure none beep within 7 hours of eachother.
Zoiden ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:36:05 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unravel all their toilet paper, even the ones in storage
AtlantisSky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:36:13 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd leave envelopes filled with business cards with weird sites on them like shipyourenimiesglitter.com or shipadick.com. Then about two or three months later send them a gift from one of those websites.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:36:24 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dane Cook (awful, I know) had the best response to this.
Nothing.
Break down the door and just leave. It will bug them for years while they try to figure out what you stole.
Razors_egde ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:36:33 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rotate light switches so up is off. Move silverware to another drawer. Twist bulb in fridge out a turn. Place saran wrap on toilet bowl, so nothing goes in. Wtf
NhanBread ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:37:12 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would switch the orientation of their toilet paper so that it rolls toward the wall.
coolplate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:37:20 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
salt in the pepper shaker, sugar in the salt shaker.
maner-bear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:37:37 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm the wet bandit. I put a big wad of gum in the sink, and turn on the water to flood the house.
wittlemidget9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:38:06 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's a great german movie about something like this called "The Edukators". They break into rich people's houses and rearrange their furniture and decorations and normally leave a message, either "You have too much money" or "Your days of plenty are numbered". It's worth a watch imo.
fannypacks4ever ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:38:26 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of Amelie.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2rOc3QlqO6I
This scene is after she snuck into this guys house and messed with all his things.
throwwaywaydafuqaway ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:39:01 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
A friend and I used to walk around the local college area after we'd leave our local watering hole. Some nights we'd find parties to crash, but most of the time we'd just sober up and drive home in time to beat the sun. One night we're down a particularly quiet street, discussing life, and he says
"So I have this theory that no one in this town locks their door. Want to test it out?" (all dialogue is paraphrased)
and then walks into someone's living room. The front door was unlocked and all of the lights were off, so he just walked right in. I followed in after him and we walked around the downstairs quietly. We didn't open any doors, aside from the front, and we never touched anything. We just slowly strolled around and observed our surroundings in silence. The entire ordeal lasted less than five minutes, and we never saw anyone.
The feeling of violating someone's privacy was definitely there the whole time, but so was a sense of wonder. I saw all of these mundane items and imagined the people who were connected to them, all of the things they had done with them, and how they got them. I imagined what the people looked like, where they were now, and what they were doing. Everything had this sense of reverence that wasn't there before.
The longer I stayed in this stranger's house the more I wanted to defend them from me. I wanted them to know that we were the same, and to invite them over to my place to look through my shit, because suddenly that's all it was; shit. Though it may give a clue to who I am, it doesn't define me. Without me, my stuff has no meaning and that made all things have less meaning.
As we were leaving he noticed how distraught I seemed and asked,
"What's wrong? Don't enjoy the shoes of others?"
"It's just... I value privacy."
"Maybe you shouldn't."
"I'm sorry?"
"Privacy perpetuates the illusion that we're somehow separate from one another. Did that experience make you feel further away from the people who lived there? What could privacy give that intimacy couldn't?"
"A sense of safety?"
"Let's just stop talking about illusions."
someth1ng_au ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:39:25 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap the hot and cold water at all their taps.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:39:28 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal all of their good batteries and replace them with shitty, half-assed batteries.
RibeyeTenderloin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:40:13 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shit in the ducts. Put food in the wall to attract ants and various insects. Change the locks. Also, not really a burglar if you don't steal anything.
Wraith_GraveSpell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:40:20 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put habanero pepper juice in all their condiments , ketchup, mustard, toothpaste, mouthwash, eye drops, etc
miserydrone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:40:34 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd leave motivational quotes from letters cut out of magazines. At first sight, "Oh no, honey, a ransom note!!". And to their dismay, my intentions were a force for good. I'd make a sandwich with a side of chips. However, I'd leave a very noticeable amount of crumbs on the counter and couch.
TheLonelyScientist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:40:42 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all their clean clothes inside-out, throw away all the caps from their detergent bottles, hide all the pens and pencils on the tops of doorframes, switch all the A/V connectors around, put empty candy wrappers inside their pillowcases, put a small blob of mustard on every countertop, and leave post-its with reminders for things they don't actually need to do.
ThisIsATestDADADA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:41:16 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Move things in there fridge that r more likely to be picked up to the very back
vigsdabeats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:42:43 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
put two left insoles in all pairs of shoes, clean the dust off only one furniture in every room, and switch light bulbs to very little bright ones
lavalampmaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:42:46 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I take all the keys off of their keyrings and rearrange them in a different order so they keep putting the wrong key in on the first try
phaerodox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:42:59 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the time on the stove clock
--AXIOM-- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:43:31 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace half of the light bulbs in their house with really, really old ones that hum and buzz, and switch them around every night so a different light source is making noise each time they check.
That, or put shrimp in their curtain rods.
sillymegaturtle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:45:10 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would replace their forks with one less prong on them over time. One a day
Brunomoose ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:45:12 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Throw away every single earring back.
Blazinspeed76 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:45:30 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
take a couple left socks out their washer/dryer
Dawkinsisgod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:45:59 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Loosen the nuts on all the toilet seat lids.
goldaries13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:46:38 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the furniture a few inches to the left. Rearrange the silverware drawer and any filing cabinets. Switch the cookware and China cabinets. Shortsheet the beds. Remove one thing from each of the bedside tables and put it somewhere else that's just confusing (reading glasses in the shower, book in the fridge, etc). Rearrange bookshelves and DVD cases. Cook a full dinner with dessert and leave it on the counter, while having set the table.
phoenixdeathtiger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:46:57 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
change the time on all the clocks or anything that has a timer
sctennessee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:47:49 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave a bucket of mashed potatoes in the freezer. They'll think it's ice cream. Also, put googly eyes on everything in their fridge. And cover every surface in their house with garden gnomes and elf on the shelf. Position them so that all eyes are on them.
I think about this a lot.
ParkingLot_PoonHound ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:48:47 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would rearrange every appliance to different locations in the house.
RoastedToaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:49:07 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal the batteries from the TV controller.
notallbirdsfly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:49:49 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would steal all the condiments, put mustard on that. Lol
policiacaro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:50:33 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would put velcro hooks on the bottom of their shoes if they have carpet
barefootqt13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:51:05 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all of the furniture by two inches. May have to vacuum the carpet to blend the impressions from where it once sat. It will take a good week or two to stop bumping into coffee table and such.
kellan328 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:51:11 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the furniture to the left two inches so they stub their toe on everything.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:51:49 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all batteries in appliances and devices with dead batteries.
Scrubnurse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:51:59 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Drop off gnomes in their garden. Like the jerk off who does it at my house ๐๐ป
Phantom_61 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:53:12 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move every piece of furniture in the house two inches to the left or right dependent upon available space.
Apexstrain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:54:44 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would add random items to the home they do not own. Thing that would be outrageously out of place.
Wambulance_Driver ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:56:50 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip the angle all the window blinds are closed at.
Funkicus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:56:50 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Night 1 - Take one of those handheld photo-to-SD scanners, scan all of their framed pictures
Day 2 - Photoshop the same random guy somewhere in the background of each picture
Night 2 onwards - Return each night and replace one photo with the Photoshop equivalent.
Return home in the knowledge that one day someone is going to notice that no matter where they went on holiday that one same dude was in every place at every time and freak the fuck out.
Animal_shapes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:57:32 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would replace all their family photos with pictures of Bill Cosby and their toilet paper will have Hillary clintons face printed on it
Ghstfce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:57:35 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd take things like keys and glasses and put them in places like the fridge or the pantry, make them think they're getting Alzheimer's
Crabmonster70 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:58:12 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave the fridge open all day.
alitairi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:58:41 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all of their furniture one inch to the left. The amount of sudden toe stubs would be very confusing.
barefootqt13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:58:47 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh and if it is a particular bad or mean person (bc I would do that to good people, of course): place a chicken leg in a jar of milk with a splash of lemon juice. Do not cover jar. Remove AC intake vent. Remove AC filter. Place jar on steady surface, out of sight if possible. Replace filter. Replace vent. Never.ever return to this house.
When the milk sours, it'll kinda stink. When that soured milk rots the chicken, it'll be putrid. That stink is going to blow through the entire house every time the air turns on.
Same can be done using a big container of urine, a whole raw chicken, an animal carcass (umm road kill skunk??), old food, dirty diaper, you get point...
TheRealDropBear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:00:02 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kick in their front door every month
liviaeiram7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:00:16 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
move everything around including furniture and clothing... put the cups where the plates... are wash their whites with a red sock...
isosceles1980 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:00:23 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take their tub of margarine, microwave it so it's liquid and pinch a loaf into the container then put it back in the fridge so everything solidifies around the poo.
They wouldn't find it for a while. Not until they spread enough of it onto their toast until it's exposed.
communisimisthebest ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:01:40 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Paint a picture of a dick and hang it on the wall.
Raichu7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:06:48 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Set every clock back 2 hours.
aesop_fables ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:06:58 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Throw sand or rice on the floor. You can never clean it all up
wouldjalookatit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:07:42 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I put dog poo inside houses that don't have dogs.
bambamtx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:08:36 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave a piece of paper with a date and time written on it on the kitchen table. Any date a year or two in the future or in the past can work. Set one bullet on top of it with a few random things, like a jalepeno, 1 saltine cracker or a child's toy and hair clippings from their hairbrush. They'll not know what to think and it will drive them bonkers.
epicface4412 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:09:07 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch the salt and sugar, and also switch the vanilla yogurt and mayonnaise
Tempounplugged ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:09:45 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Youtube prank videos
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:10:21 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
change their wifi. hide weed around the house. put dead rats near the vents so the smell goes everywhere
DonnieGroves ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:13:27 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Semi-clear tape on the bottom of all computer mouses.
Soulhaven88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:14:11 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd say to take the family photos from the house and then Photoshop them a few millimeters to the left or right every few months
huxrules ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:15:16 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd fast forward all their vhs tapes.
spookyman212 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:15:42 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Edit home movies to contain a demon in the backround. Hide a dybok box behind the stairs. Burn bizarre symbols behind pictures and under area rugs. Make a device that randomly knocks on ceiling from the attic.
Key_kay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:16:49 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would cook something randomly. Especially things that have allergens that people of the household cannot eat. (Don't know how you'd figure that out.
"Who made this pot pie? You kids know I can't have wheat, I'm allergic to it! And this smells like beef! For god's sake you brats, we're vegetarian!"
matt06292 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:17:10 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Every night take all the dishes off the selves and put them in the dishwasher and turn it on at exactly 4:12am.
studanub ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:17:26 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
zip tie shopping carts to people's car door handles.
Dylamb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:18:17 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
steal NOTHING. just leave a note
princhester ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:18:27 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sneak into a high class department store and put up a sign saying "No Spitting"
[with full credit to RAW and RS]
LZ_XC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:20:14 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Crack eggs in their underwear drawer.
461weavile ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:20:34 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've actually done this before, but I had permission:
I took every chair, music stand, percussion instrument, and piece of junk in the band room and moved it to the same position 180 degrees around the center of the room. I work at the high school and am good friends with the band director so I had access to the room at night. The next day was April Fool's day and the band director was on a business trip, so the substitute had no idea the room was backward, but all the students found it outrageously funny. I think it was worth rearranging the room twice in a week.
So I would rotate as many rooms as I could. If the TV isn't mounted to the wall, living room; if the dining room isn't connected to the kitchen, dining room. The kitchen is tricky, but if you can safely disconnect the oven, you're set. The trouble is that you usually have to make noise, so it works best of they're out of town, not just sleeping
cr33pin420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:22:24 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One time we went into the neighbor's house, a friend of ours, and unplugged all of his electronics and slightly unscrewed all of the light bulbs. He thought his power was out, I think the power company sent someone out and figured it out hours later
trg1408 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:25:46 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Add rose pedals leading to a bedroom, have the lights turned off from the breaker box and shitty smelling lit candles all around the house, add sticky note's on most of the candles. 1. Says "Take shirt off" 2. Says "Take Shorts/Pants off" 3. Says "Get Naked for me" 4. Says "Find me" 5. Says "I'm hiding" 6. Says "You know where I'm at" 7. Says "You are close" and 8. Says "I'm not home", no matter which sticky note they read it will make sense. On the bedroom door the rose pedals lead to have a written note that says "Let's play a game, I have sticky note's all around left on different candles and a key hidden in one of the candles, find the key to unlock the door and be ready for the next step.". In the bedroom have a pig carcass wrapped and sealed laying on the bed with a sticky note that says "This is a gift for you! Lay next to it and wait for me.". I'd imagine rather this all goes to plan or not it would leave the person confused and sickened.
frogbrigade ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:27:48 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Anytime a family gets takeout, or brings home leftovers from any random restaurant, I would break in and take what they brought home, but leave them a full, uneaten meal from a different place.
fe360 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:29:13 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
-Salt in the sugar dispenser
-Throw out all the dry cereal and replace it with cat food
-Take the batteries out of all the remotes
-Fill the shampoo bottles with mayonnaise
-Set all the clocks back half an hour
Zdarnel1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:35:47 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Relevant story: When I was in college my roommates and I couldn't afford cable TV. One weekend there was a motorcycle race on TV that we reached to watch so we drove over to our friends' house, the problem was, they were all out of town. So we "broke" in to watch the race and as thanks we did all the dishes and cleaned the house. It was amazing watching the roommates argue about who cleaned up until we told them a couple of months later
pimpnswivel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:37:21 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal the batteries out of the tv remotes
mootmahsn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:37:43 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Re-hang doors so they open from the other hand.
SituationCornflakes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:42:16 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Install timers on outlets behind the wall, so every half hour or so it turns off.
llLEll ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:44:53 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
unscrew all the hinges from the doors
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:51:12 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
steal the tv remote and randomly drve by chaging channels or turning off/on the tv turning up/down the volume shit like that
DarkHadouken ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:52:59 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cut off one of the tips of their shoelaces (aglet) on every shoe.
AnotherJew69Gas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:54:24 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would steal all their forks so they have nothing to eat waffles with!
sneekysquirtle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:59:17 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal the TV remote...
35_Lancer_driver ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:00:12 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything in one room by a few inches left or right, then do the same every few days to the other rooms
caca4cocopuffs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:01:00 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I know this is a little late, but Herta Mรผller, a Romanian-born German novelist was often harassed by the communist securitate secret police. I remember reading somewhere they had keys to her apartment and while she was away they moved a chair to the other side of the room. This may sound somewhat odd or even benign, but knowing for certain the secret government police of a fucked up communist regime is after you is not to be taken lightly.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herta_M%C3%BCller
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:02:27 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the last sky channel that was watched to babestation then remove the batteries from the remote
elcapitanbuzzkill ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:03:26 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
-Go through all their clothes and have a seamstress put the buttons on the other side and the holes on the other. -replace their belts so the notches are in random spots -loosen all the spice shakers -cut their shoelaces down the middle just enough so when they pull them tight they tear/break -steal all the left socks -shrink all of their underwear -leave pictures of dickbutt hidden everywhere-- like glow in the dark paint on ceilings or corners
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:04:07 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove all the toilet paper from the house, but leave the empty roll on the rollers.
Pour out milk or juice cartons so there is only a sip left, and return cartons to refrigerator.
Replace android chargers with iPhone, or vice versa.
Place bubble wrap under the bed sheets and rugs
AbrahamsBeard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:05:03 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You may be surprised to learn that I have been stealing all of your socks for years. ... One at a time. ...
And also just to put a stake through your heart.. I've taken your family portraits (irreplaceable).
Turns out I never left your house with them. I've stashed it all in your attic... Go check
orangenirvana ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:06:52 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Poop and not flush
Pinguleader ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:09:04 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm probably way late for this but.
Change the ringtone of every cellphone in the family to a ringtone that someone else in the family has.
Put all the dvd's in the house into wrong cases.
Refill their juice/milk cartons with a somewhat opposite liquid. Fx. if it was apple juice then refill it with orange juice, if it was milk then refill it with water.
Put a soap bar into the shower head so that the person taking the shower can't fully rinse out the soap.
Leave a glass full of cinnamon on everyone's nightstand, every single night.
puffytarts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:09:29 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch the locations of silverware and plates in their kitchen.
hymntastic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:10:58 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
http://i.imgur.com/ErotTIA.gifv
Ranku_Abadeer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:11:03 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Step 1. Buy a shit load of furbies or other suitably creepy looking toy.
Step 2. place them all around the house. On top of the tv, in the medicine cabinet, under the sink, on the shower head if you can manage that and hide them especially well in the bedrooms.
make sure that they are all on and have full batteries. bonus points if the toys you use are motion activated and will start speaking as soon as the victim enters the room.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:11:42 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Poop in their toilets without flushing.
David_10nant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:22:17 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Get some of these buggers
MrRudeDude ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:23:43 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the alarms from each room (phones, clocks, watches) and switch them to the next room over.
Even if they wake up at the same time, they are confused.
ZeasMommy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:24:22 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all their furniture around 18o degrees....did this once to a friend's dorm room in college in less than 3 minutes....the look on his face was priceless when he walked into his room to find everything exactly in its place, but switched around, bed made upside down and all. He was amazed (and so were we to be honest) that we got it done in such a short amount of time.
jimjengles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:24:44 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take off all the doornobs to their house and cabinets and replace them with red ball air horns
agoods03 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:25:19 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the locks
Empath1999 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:25:37 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take their keys and put it in the fridge
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:26:15 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I use a window and put a doorstop behind every door so they can't be opened from the outside
sheepyaqua ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:26:18 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put Limburger cheese in ALL the heating vents
karisaur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:26:40 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to move everything back to the 'correct' place when I was a child within a few millimeters. It drove my grandparents crazy enough so I'd probably do the same thing now.
gbakermatson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:27:23 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shift all the stuff on every flat surface (mantles, bookshelves, counters, etc) one space to the left, and move the thing on the far left one space to the right. Repeat as desired.
cyberkni ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:27:41 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all the batteries in the smoke detectors with ones that are of varying degrees of not quite dead.
jgell4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:28:37 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all of their left shoes and hide them.
justirrelephant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:29:08 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the batteries out of everything.
Mrbrewski99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:29:36 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the batteries out of everything battery powered
PythonEnergy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:30:01 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide the remote control in the sofa cushions.
FishInferno ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:30:14 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I saw something somewhere where a kid who was home alone for the weekend moved all the furniture in the house five inches to the left. His parents knew something was off but couldn't pinpoint it, and kept hitting their hips on the corners of things
alinawright ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:30:47 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Put a multicolored condom on each lightbulb and turn all the lights on
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:30:48 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Poop in the toilet, dont flush. Leads to massive confusion when everyone swears "it aint mine, i dont eat corn"
born_thursday ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:33:15 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all thier alarms back one hour so they lose sleep. ๐
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:33:35 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal their things.
emboar11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:33:59 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Slightly tilt the tv to the left each night
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:34:12 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change their ringtones
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:34:28 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sneak in every day for several weeks while no one is home and turn the TP so it is facing the wrong way. I actually did this to a friend of mine and he thought he was going crazy.
MrBDL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:34:28 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
find items that use batteries like tv remotes and switch one of the batteries out with a dead one
aero_zyst ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:34:52 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all of the light bulbs..... Or toilet paper
zoestopper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:34:54 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Separate all the socks and toss them like a salad.
Naravuss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:36:21 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the furniture a few inches in one direction or another every few months.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:36:58 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace the door bell chime with the air horn from a train.
mr_nobody3123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:37:00 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
True
ChocolateJesus8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:37:27 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put Vaseline on every single door handle, and put oil on all of the floors in the house.
OneGoodRib ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:38:26 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange all the cabinets and shelves. You know, switch everything from the left cabinet and put it in the right, top shelf is on the bottom.
Mr_Tech_Crew ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:38:36 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The ol' one-two "flip everything upside down" treatment.
Japesthetank ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:39:31 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put almost dead batteries in the smoke detectors so they keep chirping (but working)
cheaser ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:40:19 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Would probably put the pictures of some of the other families who's house I broke into. Just replace all their pictures with those.
dontbedistracted ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:40:50 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Honey under everything. *
acschuster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:41:04 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Run the water for as long as possible to make the bill increase drastically. They'd go crazy trying to figure out why their water bill all of a sudden shot up when they hadn't used any more water than usual.
--rubberdicks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:41:16 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put remote controls in the fridge and microwave.
Mix up chest of drawers (top drawer on bottom etc)
newstepsforward ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:41:25 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, if I could get away with it, I'd hide in the closet until the middle of the night. Bust out in some outrageous costume - think 'Barney-sized' and of any cartoon character you can imagine. Bounce around in the room. Maybe go in for a hug. Somehow get away.
guitarmaniac004 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:41:49 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd put all the freezer stuff in the fridge and all the fridge stuff in the freezer
AreYaEatinThough ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:41:56 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shift all of their DVD/Blu-ray/games one case over on the shelf.
zmajcek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:42:22 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not exactly what you asked, but there is a German film with similar plot from about 10years ago 'The Edukators' - highly recommended. Group of young people get into rich people's homes, make mess and leave the note 'your time is over'...
fallen_seraph ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:42:31 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything a centimetre in some direction so everything feels off and they can't figure out why
joblagz2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:42:39 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
take their remote and return it a few days later next to the TV
V_Writer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:42:51 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Build a sand castle in their living room. Bonus points for carpet.
onewingatatime ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:43:13 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sprinkle Lego all around the bed on the floor.
Thatsnowconeguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:43:18 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
cover their door handles in butter
TherapeuticMessage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:43:47 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Glitter!
CnosOriginality ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:44:27 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would replace the batteries in the remote with shitty half-ass batteries.
Nathan561 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:44:41 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take a dump in their toilet tanks. Maybe install a screen where the water drains that way the turds dont flush.
KyouyaXever ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:45:03 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
put all the books in the cabinets and Dishes in the Bookcases
PlanetsCometsMoons ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:45:18 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Repair things that are broken and haven't been repaired for months.
eheffelf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:45:50 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide their keys every night
jeffdoesreddit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:45:51 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Switch around all the silverware and dishware at random intervals. Replace eggs with golf balls, bread with wood slices, and milk with watery conditioner.
Fidesphilio ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:46:01 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Set every clock in the house to a different time.
Hoodpersontranslator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:46:13 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Somebody saw dane cook as a child....
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:46:30 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Keep putting gas in their car for a few months at night
NickTDesigns ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:46:52 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find dolls in their house, set them up on chairs in most corners, with knives.
PyroSatan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:46:58 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Repost the most copypasta fucking thread on AskReddit
Ralisor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:47:03 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide every other sock I find.
MNA1234 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:47:24 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Throw away all the lids to the Tupperware
Gamzy92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:47:25 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ejaculate in the unsalted butter. I don't break into houses where people eat salted butter I'm not a monster.
ac2431 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:47:33 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you trying to get new social experiment ideas?
1234sean ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:47:52 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
filp over or stack all the furniture and belongings in a single spot. wear gloves so people cant track whose doing it via DNA. do it once a week.
Tek214 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:48:28 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything thing in the room 3 inches to the left
Plunkett13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:48:32 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace some light bulbs with too bright of a light and replace the others with too dim of a light.
WhiteStar274 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:48:47 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Write "Alzheimer's Appointment" and "Alzheimer's Therapy" on their calendar next week. They have a week to decide if it's real or not and to panic.
WhereIsMiKeg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:48:50 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap the big spoons with the little spoons
co1063 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:48:50 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For those interested, there's a German movie with a plot line based on this question- The Edukators (2004)
roborabbit_mama ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:49:25 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd flip the left shoe with the right in their closets, remove all the tooth paste caps and throw them away forever. Hide the salt shaker, and hide the remote control, if I had the time I'd have it set into jello.
AlSWank34 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:49:39 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take One sock out of every pair of socks, they will always be missing one sock...
CMDRsprinkles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:50:18 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Every keyhole has a button placed in the back. When it has a key placed inside of it and presses the button, it creates a scream inside the house in a random location.
Wifi goes out every fifteen minutes when something good happens in a video game.
Dgnslyr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:50:20 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Frequently go into the house and replace all of the good batteries with dead ones.
Poggystyle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:50:43 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make it so all the clocks are 1 min apart.
lurkeat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:50:43 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ah the classic Charles Manson gaslight
AtemAndrew ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:50:45 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
...so, gaslighting them, basically?
thefourohfour ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:51:26 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shit in their toilets, don't flush, and steal all their toilet paper.
lurkeat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:51:51 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ITT: how to gaslight your neighbors
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:52:09 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace their remote batteries with shitty, half ass batteries.
"I WANT A DIVORCE!!!"
Space_Enter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:52:15 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go Goldilocks on their asses, eat up their food and sleep on their beds. Do it 3 times a month and if they have kids blame it on them.
cmatreat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:52:45 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make a board the same color as their stairs if they have hardwood. Then put the board on one random stair so its slightly taller then the rest. Trips people up every time.
PhlyingHigh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:53:03 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change every clock in the house to a different time.
chemtrails250 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:53:09 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Keep filling the ketchup bottle so they can't figure out how this magic bottle never empties.
emboar11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:53:42 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
RemindMe! 3 months
emboar11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:54:01 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ideas for dorm pranks when I go off to college if anyone is wondering
Scratch_King ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:54:05 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the language on all electronic devices.
RAGE_CAKES ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:56:35 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Came up with an idea a while ago that I call Kitten-Given. You break into a home in the middle of the night, make it obvious to wake up tenants, and leave a kitten before bolting. I'd like to believe 9/10 of those kittens will have a new forever home despite the circumstances.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:57:37 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Burn down their house. That'll confuse the fuck out of them.
emelbee923 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:58:05 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find their Tupperware, remove half of the fitting tops, replace with tops that do not fit any size Tupperware they have
FoxMZ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:59:42 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Texas Booty Tickler.
DL6 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:00:58 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go in the kitchen cabinets and switch the glasses with the plates.
draconian56 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:00:59 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the furniture in the house to the right by 5cm, then next month to left by 10cm
DHenry26 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:01:37 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reverse the toilet paper. Take money out of the wallet(s) and place it throughout the house. Move where the plates and cups are in the kitchen.
dahtdude ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:02:28 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap the salt and sugar.
jagenigma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:02:36 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn on their electronics, leave their refrigerators open.
Tilt every hung photo frame, put their thermostat up to 90ยฐ.
Move their furniture so it's all facing the wall and not the TV.
Make it so their drawers only open 2 inches and will stay jammed.
Ginger_snappz18 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:02:47 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would eat their food and leave a ridiculously small amount. Like a sip of chocolate milk or just the end piece of the bread. The blaming would slowly tear the family apart
InSOmnlaC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:03:08 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Every week I'd go in and change every bulb to be 10 watts lower than the week before.
PoopyWaffle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:03:25 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put googly eyes on every family picture
CosmonautOfLove ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:04:48 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find all their CDs and DVDs and put them in the wrong box. Bonus to try and get on their computer in order to change all their file names.
aLoftyCretin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:04:59 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When my uncle's house was burgled they only took his TV and all his socks. Old man style holey wool socks.
Newcliche ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:05:34 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't take or move anything.
Leave a note saying, "I'm sure you won't miss it."
doitforthelime ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:07:08 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
change the batteries in the remote with ones nearly depleted, or leave something subtle
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:07:32 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cross the break lights with the gas pedal on their car.
SBTWAnimeReviews ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:07:43 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would rip off the pranks Jeff Anderson's character did in "Now You Know."
fistfullofcashews ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:07:43 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unplug the refrigerator, hide tooth brushes in kitchen drawers, disconnect network routers and flip tv remote batteries so that + ends of battery lineup with - connectors.
Skuirely ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:08:59 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reverse their toilet paper.
rbowman180 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:10:26 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Release a herd of cats
Jake__from_statefarm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:10:36 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place black Legos on the bathroom floor every night
30thTransAm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:11:58 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal the batteries out of the remote, leave the freezer door open, put the toilet seat up, switch the salt and the sugar, replace all vodka with water, swap the hot and cold handles in the shower, swap the conditioner and hand cream and turn off the router.
crazykerryman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:12:04 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Clean and tidy up the whole house! That will show them! ?
sarcasmplease ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:12:16 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all the hangers in their closet around so it is difficult to get the hangers off the rod.
RiskyBrothers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:12:25 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yo, put oicturess ifnme in tbe pictuee frames, like cut out so i can be un therr
Darkchyylde ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:26:57 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What?
AKA_tunasammich ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:44:52 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yo, put pictures of me in the picture frames, like cut out so I can be in there.
RiskyBrothers ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:56:51 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
You got it. I was a bit sloshed when I wrote that
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:12:48 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Become Ginosaji!
Morganmgmt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:14:13 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Run their toothbrushes under water so when they go to use it it'll be wet and they'll be confused wondering who used their toothbrush.
ChubbyTheSloth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:14:44 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tie up their earbuds in an absurdly complex knot every so often.
olivias_bulge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:06 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I do this to my friends - change the background on rarely used devices to something silly. I can never manage to poker face when they mention it months later :p
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:16:36 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You switch the hot and cold water hoses/pipes under every sink and behind every tub/shower.
Codeegirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:17:01 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would do what was done to me.
Plants moved. Purse in fridge. Cheese gone.
I figured my house was haunted until I learned that I sleepwalk. At least I'm predictable.
pimpmastahanhduece ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:17:20 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do the dishes and set the coffee to brew.
Not_Reddit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:17:30 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn toilet paper roll around so over become under and vice versa.
remmysays ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:18:17 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch where the spoons forks and knives are with each other. My mother did that 12 years ago and I'm still freaking out
Antebios ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:18:21 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reverse toilet paper on the rolls.
Turn the light switches upside-down.
Change which drawers hold the underwear, socks, and undershirts.
Always take the milk.
Zam548 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:19:56 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide devices all over the house that are set to play music at random intervals. The songs have to be the really awful catchy ones that you can never get out of you head; like Mambo #5 and the Pina Colada Song
privateTortoise ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:38 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Write fake birthdays onto their kitchen calender in a style that fits theirs.
ImMrIncredible ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:21:51 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I actually did this to my wife (then girlfriend) and her room mates.
A little less than a year before we were married, my wife was going on a little girls weekend with her two room mates. Me and three of my best, most mischievous friends, sat around wondering what we were going to do on Saturday night. One of my friends had the idea to prank someone by breaking into their house and messing with them. It was nearly Christmas, so we thought that we would do something involving candy canes. We went to the local grocery store and bought a couple thousand mini candy canes, and a couple hundred large candy canes.
My wife lived on the second floor in her apartment complex, and they never locked the sliding door going out to the deck. I lifted one of my friends up (he stood on my hands) and then was able to pull himself up onto the deck. He just went to the front door and let the rest of us in.
We proceeded to hide candy canes ALL OVER the apartment. We hid them under the rugs, in the couch, in the cereal boxes, under the mattresses, in the toilet, and even in the light fixtures. To top it off, I cut out a big candy cane shape and taped it inside of their lamp shades so when they turned the lamps on a big candy cane negative would be projected onto the wall. When we were done, my friend locked the door and climbed down from their balcony.
When they got home, they didn't notice anything at first, but within an hour or so I got a phone call asking if I knew anything about "some candy canes". I played dumb and said I would be right over. As I hung out at their house, I got to watch them stumble across more and more candy canes as they unpacked their things.
Years later, after my wife and I were married, she would get calls from her room mates saying that they discovered a candy cane hidden in some box or shoe that they hadn't opened in a while. This little prank has literally provided years of laughter for us.
TL;DR: My friends and I pranked my wife and her room makes with thousands of candy canes.
Darkchyylde ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:05 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal every left shoe and one from every pair of socks.
thats_turribl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:28 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all of the right shoes just leaving the lefts only.
Darkchyylde ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:25:33 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
copy cat!
thats_turribl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:30:01 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oops. You take the rights and I'll take the lefts then.
danmessy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:50 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
About a week ago, I was doing some washing. I went to the laundry to put my damp washing into the dryer machine, however it was already in the dryer and the washing machine has been emptied.
I live with two others. One was away for the entire weekend, the other, my brother. It was unusual for one of us to finish the other's washing (unless we needed to empty a machine for our own use, which didn't appear to be the case here) so I went and found him and said thank you. He was super confused, so I carried on to spell out why I was thanking him... we both became really confused, as neither claim that we did the task.
In fact, we 'argued' and retraced our steps to both prove that we hadn't been into the laundry and could not have done it! The laundry has a sliding door. I concluded that a burglar did a good deed. Also the TV was gone (probably unrelated). OK the TV wasn't gone, but it would have taken some confusion out of the situation.
TL;TR: Suspect a burglar put my damp washing into the dryer.
rayned0wn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:21 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take batteries out of everything once a week and put them in the dishwasher.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:42 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Link light switches to to power outlets.
papersupplier ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:49 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave a lava lamp there
LazilyEfficient ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:24:12 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lower the thermostat
DiamondSlicer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:25:12 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Push the little black restore factory defaults button on the router.
TONKAHANAH ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:25:52 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My brothers fucked with another brother of mine for months by making a duplicate car key. While he was at work they'd move is car like a row over in the parking lot for like a month or something. These kinds of shenanigans can make you legit super paranoid.
Frothyboy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:51 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn the fridge thermostat down 2 degrees.
scaredcrow94 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:14 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip the roll of toilet roll over. Replace the smooth peanut butter with crunchy(or other way around), and paint the white a different shade.
im_not_afraid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:43 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In this thread you'll find tips of what to do when bored at an AirBnB.
JFKs_Brains ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:29:05 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would hide their comal so that they have to shamefully heat their tortillas in the microwave like a peasant.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:29:16 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would hide all their most valuable things and other stuff in places that they're least likely to be found so it looks like it was stolen. They'll report it as if it was a robbery only to find the "stolen" possessions days, weeks, months or years later.
NinjaGrumpParty8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:30:49 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I bash in all their doors, then leave, just to make them paranoid to the point of insanity...
Captain9653 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:52:32 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dane Cook?
NinjaGrumpParty8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:30:54 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, one of my favorite bits
Iplaymeinreallife ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:28 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think I'd stick to the classics.
Take one sock from a few pairs.
Put keys in very unlikely places.
Push the factory reset button on their router.
Switch all their shoes for another pair that looks the same but is a number smaller.
zanna0123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:29 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Aka sims characters instead of stealing that car they steal a lamp XD .
nightlyraider ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:32:23 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
you pose this as a question, but before the manson family murdered people they did something called the "creepy crawly" iirc.
basically they broke into//entered peoples houses and re-arranged furniture while they slept.
aside from being murdered in your sleep, waking up to a re-arranged house knowing they could have murdered you would be equally weird.
generalrubbie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:32:28 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal and periodically return the remote. Watch as the trust disappears and the family crumbles.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:32:38 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I actually used to do this as a teenager. I would try random cars in a parking lot, if you didn't lock yours I'd steal a pen, mirror hang thing, anything junky, just so they'd be like I know that pen was here why would someone steal that??
frustratedwstarbucks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:32:51 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put the toilet paper on in the opposite direction. Turn off the water heater. File legs of various chairs or other furniture. Unplug lights or turn all the lights on... can't decide.
Or, take an item that was thrown out and keep putting it back into the house in different places after its been thrown away again and again.
Makkai19 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:33:06 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plug out all the stuff behind hard to reach places then, if possible, hide some of them around the house
LiveLifeBeautifully ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:33:21 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange ALL of the DVDs in their boxes. For example, Harry Potter would have Legally Blonde in it.
Samwellikki ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:33:44 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Give them a cat. Complete with all the supplies needed. Before all that, you photoshop the cat into pictures of them on social media. Make it seem like that cat has been there for years. Steal their dog if they have one, put a name tag on the cat that says their dog's name. Cats don't come when called, so it'll work. Convince/pay a neighbor to say "Nothing was stolen, but your window was broken? That's odd. Thank god your cat is okay and didn't get out and go missing."
I_Ate_Tokyo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:33:49 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move things a centimeter or two in either direction from there original position, open drawers and closets just hair so they're noticed but noticed, adjust wall hanging objects to just barely off of level.
labelle15 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:34:00 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I sing loudly and off key. It'd be so bad they'd pay me to leave.
Northsidebill1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:34:29 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find all the blind people I can, break into their houses, and rearrange the furniture.
Im a sadist burglar :D
PiratedRum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:34:30 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move random items slightly to left or right of the original position. (Move the couch 2 inches to the left)
Leave a random item in a weird place (brush in the freezer)
justyouraveragehoon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:34:48 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide the remote
DodoDude700 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:18 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn one object upside down, and put the salt shaker on top of it.
Rbcclvr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:41 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Paint an accent wall
CharlieMadDog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:41 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'll answer your question with a question. What would Jim Halpert do?
Musician427 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:46 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would follow in Mitch Hedberg's footsteps and leave random lava lamps.
1EyeOfTheTiger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:53 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tilt all the pictures in the house just a little bit
h3nryfu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:36:20 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would just kick in their door and not take anything. They would spend forever trying to figure out what was stolen.
WildEvie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:36:26 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cover their kitchen floor in upside-down cups and mugs. Some filled with water, some empty, a few with large insects or spiders.
Ar_Ciel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:36:52 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Start hanging a single mask in a new place once a week. Different mask every time. End with a Pennywise mask on the ceiling over the master bedroom bed as they sleep. Wakey wakey!
armeggedonCounselor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:15 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put their keys in the refrigerator. Switch their shoes so the right one is on the left and the left one is on the right. Turn all the jars on their shelves so the labels are facing inside. Empty their ketchup and mustard bottles down the drain, then put them back in the refrigerator. Squeeze out half the toothpaste tube, then carefully inflate it with air so it looks full. Use their toothbrushes to clean out the crud between my toes. Drip some cold water on the seat of the toilet.
I could go on.
DxMonkey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:38:02 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I once broke into a friends car and unhooked his entire system. He bragged about it way too much and it was annoying.
RandomestDisclaimer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:38:05 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch all the AVI/HDMI cables and their respective ports
brixton75 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:38:30 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the furniture around.
Vortilex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:38:30 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make myself at home without asking for things when I use them. My friend, Brandon, basically did this when he became homeless and I let him crash on my building's roof because letting him crash in my living room wasn't an option. Every time he was in my place for any reason, he'd constantly use things and make himself at home without so much as asking or thanking me once. My other friend, Doug, was also crashing up there, and was far more gracious.
FailureToReport ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:39:03 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I repost the most used ask reddit question ever from their computer
trashman5500 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:40:04 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace the water in their coffee maker with vinegar. Turn off electricity or gas to the water heater. Prefill every bag of cereal with milk. Put every pair of underwear they own in the freezer. Set the alarm clock to go off an hour later. When they wake up, they'll be WIDE awake.
BardleyMcBeard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:40:27 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take a shit in their freezer then piss on it - the shitpisscicle.
WeAreProbablyFriends ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:41:14 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Apparently someone is already doing this in my house. Everything in my house keeps coming unscrewed: the mailbox, oven handle, vacuum handle, etc. It's not even just a little bit over time, it's completely unscrewed to the point of it falling apart. I've already checked with my roommates and they're not behind it. I become more and more confused with every new unscrewed item I find. If this is you, please stop.
Necramonium ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:41:21 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not really a burglar thing, but a neighbor who lives 30 meters away from our house kept on parking her car on our front door parking spaces, she knew my stepfather has a bad leg but kept on parking on the space at the front door, every day i went to school, i adjusted her side mirror on the passenger seat, seeing her freak out every day trying to adjust it was worth it not parking there.
ShadyGeorge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:42:24 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I lived in South Africa, there was a guy who use to break into peoples houses when they were on holiday and decorate a room. He did a really good job as well.
joggle123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:42:33 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the toilet paper off the holder daily
BlearySteve ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:44:23 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Instead of stealing stuff, leave stuff.
HMDCookiesRGood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:44:37 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would leave their refrigerator door open just a crack so the cold comes out making everything spoil
Tomerg91 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:45:49 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Eat the kids homework.
happypoodle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:45:52 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You do know this is exactly what the people in Charles Manson's cult did...before they started murdering people. They'd creep in and re-arrange the furniture while people were asleep
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:46:04 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all the furniture upside down, but keep everything in its place. Leave no candlestick unturned!
justabadplan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:47:33 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tape down movable objects onto the surface that they are on.
SunshineSickness ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:47:57 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unplug eveything. And twist all the light bulbs until they fail to make contact but are still in the socket. Also, if they have a computer with a credit card saved to Amazon or whatever, buy kinky sex toys.
MinnesotaYeti ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:16 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal all the toilet paper weekly
steffansk8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:20 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
clog all the drains and toilets
LWZRGHT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:49:30 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch the butter with margarine.
Attaboy102 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:49:32 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove all house numbers from other houses on the block, epoxy them onto my rival's house above a sign that reads: "trophies"
Do this repeatedly.
Tierramd88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:49:33 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I crawled through my friends doggy door to skip school and play Diablo 2 at least once a week during 7th grade. She knew. She would skip with sometimes. But anytime I was alone I'd rearrange the living room furniture, bring the mail in and eat all the ice cream. I also printed a pic of Keifer Sutherland from Lost Boys and left it on her dad's pillow.
Diclonius_Angel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:49:45 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put all left shoes in the dryer once a week. Preferably on Sunday nights. Hahaha late for work lol.
TennisShoeNinja ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:50:06 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take out the batteries of the remote controls and replaced them shitty half-ass batteries
MacabreCurve ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:50:27 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move every single piece of furniture a few inches in any direction from the spot of origin. However, not so much that its obvious. When they come home, they will bump into and knock their legs and arms off of their own shit and either break it or hurt themselves. I will also install a secret camera and laugh histerically at my handiwork.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:51:52 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave open the door of the fridge and leave open the oven door and turn the oven to maximum heatโฌ to make the house actually heat up and spoil all of their food.
If they don't have an oven, than just pee every where.
erockthebeatbox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:52:12 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove the batteries from all the remotes.
OzChopper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:52:40 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ITT: Gaslighting 101
numlok ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:52:51 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove the labels from all their canned goods.
jewelmoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:52:53 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find a house with a "Proud gun-free home" sign out front and leave an unloaded gun on their night stand. Move it back every night until they give in and leave it there. Then, shoot a hole in the wall while they are gone and replace it just as it was. Making sure there are no rounds left in the gun after.
Natedukes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:31 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd make a stand up skit about it and change my name to Dane Cook and do it on a special I'd call the viscous circle while describing my attempt at a B&E (not bacon and eggs)
OneHunnaDolla ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:54:41 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all furniture to the other side of every room.
mlbplays17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:54:53 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hook the alarm system with the main bathroom door, and when they try to turn off the alarm it won't work, leaving them hours to search for whats wrong. Come back the next day and do the same with a different door. Also make one of the windows not hooked up to the alarm so no one will know if you jumped in. Repeat process until failure.
Xkimberxkae ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:55:02 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One time I turned everything in my fridge upside down. Sure freaked out my parents. I'd definitely do that.
NeverAdopted ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:55:13 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace all hand soap and sanitizer with waterproof lube.
Fearmarbh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:55:34 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0408777/
The_mingus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:57:09 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unscrew their light bulbs just enough to where they won't turn on when the switch is flipped. Do this every couple of weeks.
dick1856 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:57:26 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn the clocks forward or back a minute each day.
metastasis_d ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:57:26 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Clip buttons off their shirts and replace them with buttons that clash.
Boogs_the_magician ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:58:21 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've had this idea since I was a kid. A few days before Christmas I'd like to break into as many houses as possible, armed with wrapping paper and tape. Once inside I'd wrap up any wallets, purses, keys, toothbrushes, etc. Basically anything that is used regularly and would be a pain in the ass to lose for a few days. Then put them under the tree.
I've been toying with the names 'Pa-wrapper-pum-pum', or 'The Night-Bastard before Christmas', I can't decide.
Edit: Occasionally I did this to my parents / siblings. During December I'm now not allowed unsupervised access to their houses (until Xmas day).
GasThePews ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:58:27 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Slowly leave small extra things like an extra tooth brush
2little2much ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:58:46 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turned everything inside the house (except furniture) upside down; that includes books, TVs, picture frames, what have you.
NickGrig ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:00:40 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put pennies in people's door jam so they can't open their doors.
dashieundomiel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:01:03 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move their keys
sofakingcheezy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:02:21 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would swap the "b" and "v" keys on their keyboard
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:02:46 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fill every available horizontal surface with tiny plastic penguins, turn every computer or tv screen slightly to the left, shuffle their DVDs randomly in their cases, and add a slight amount of lemon flavoring to every drinkable liquid.
trees907 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:03:22 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the batteries out of everything in the house.
0pinwheel0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:08:12 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take everyone's left sock and put it in the hamper
Tata_steelworker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:09:41 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sort of related, In work we wired an extremely loud alarm to the bosses light switch. Which would go off constantly until he turned his light off. He spent the next few shifts in darkness
Snow3y ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:11:28 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You mean like a burglary without taking anything?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:11:35 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change which light switch turns the lights on and which one turns the fan on.
Titsonasticker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:11:39 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all the TP rolls the opposite direction
AnneBancroftsGhost ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:13:20 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ITT: gaslighting psychopaths
TheWoozyy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:24:04 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Simple, not sure if anyone else brought this up but all you need to do is move all the furniture in the house a few inches in one direction to make the entire house feel a little off to the owners and it should take them a while to figure it out.
Mandylee123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:25:16 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into a house once a week and take all the batteries out of their electronics, then bury them in the yard. Do this for every pack of batteries they buy for 20 years, and leave a treasure map on their table that leads them to the batteries which are buried in their yard.
brbla3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:27:29 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
turn the toilet paper the opposite way on the roll
eadon_rayne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:28:07 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put googley eyes on everything in the fridge and in all the cabinets, and on all the pictures.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:28:07 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put one new thing that makes a lot of noise in their walls every month.
Frankiesaysperhaps ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:29:03 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd get small things like another bottle opener or an extra towel or plate that matched what they already have and put them in with everything else. Have them wondering where that extra fork came from, did they always have that random state fridge magnet?
TheTimeBehind ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:29:46 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
First off acquire around 100-200 digital watches with alarms, depending on the size of the house. These watches will be inserted into the walls, behind outlets, switch plate, access panels, dropped down from the attic, loose baseboards, wherever they can be concealed. Some of them will be strategically synchronized. 12:00 am in the bedrooms, 6pm in the dining hall, 8:30am in near the door. Others will be will go off at random times, and days. These should probably last for 2 years if undiscovered.
To finish it off steal every watch in the house.
carb0nc0pies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:31:18 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Spritz their entire house with dirty, nasty bong water.
AssassinChicken ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:33:23 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd put the cereal and dry goods in the fridge and the milk and eggs in the cupboards.
1paulmart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:33:51 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
He chose a dvd for tonight
BarryHimself ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:34:27 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, I actually already do this. Okay, okay! I'll tell you! It is so great! I sneak into people's houses, take things off their tables and shelves, and put them into barrels! Hahaha! Isn't that rich? They think the things are stolen, but no! They are right there! They just don't know!
minecraftschosen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:35:02 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would move their computer monitor slightly to the left each night.
twoscoop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:35:29 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remote control water heater turn off switch, can also be turned off if cold water is used to turn it on.
Shrodingers_Dog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:41:09 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put in unwrapped condom in the trashcan, run the shower briefly, and dampen both towels
Yup4545 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:43:36 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange everything in the kitchen.
allanon13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:46:03 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swap contents of kitchen cabinets around and kitchen drawers around.
CouriousMonkey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:46:16 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take out all the batteries and hide them in the freezer.
Blu3j4y ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:48:00 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would fold the clothes and then crap in the washing machine.
"How nice! Someone folded our clothes...oh! Poop!"
ProbablyPuck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:49:46 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reprogram their tv remotes.
geraltofnigeria ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:52:34 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything in the house one inch.
K5izzle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:56:46 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just open all of the closet doors and cabinets in the house. We did this to a roommate in uni and he kinda freaked out about it. Good times.
BeesPhD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:58:13 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything to the right a few cm every few days.
Impulse155 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:58:30 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide all their remotes.
clazaa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:59:08 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all their toilet paper.
eatyourmemes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:59:19 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
switch all the toothpaste to the other side of the cabinet. set half the clocks three minutes early and half of them two minutes back. switch pancake and waffle recipes on any boxes (you know how pancake mix boxes sometimes have a recipe for waffles instead- flip them).
dexxic3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:01:57 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This happened to a friend of mine's gfs house. We were on acid and she was sober. We were going to her house to feed her cats. We get there and go inside. The backwindow and backdoor were open. She checks for valuables nothings gone. But every cabinet and draw in the house was left open. Nothing was taken. They just broke in and open all her doors and drawers. It was the most confusing shit ever.
mrbuh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:06:19 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a teenager we drove around a few neighborhoods looking for houses where they'd left toys, balls, etc. out in the front yard. We then swapped entire sets of toys between houses.
Your squirt guns are gone; enjoy your new basketball.
crapthatass ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:08:58 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Spell out their horoscope each day in fridge magnets
Richmay3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:11:17 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rip all labels off the canned food
DoodleBlu101 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:12:10 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unpack all their groceries at night
Plannet_Mars ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:13:21 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Also, return every week and replace a picture with a Photoshopped version with one person missing. Start with a picture of a large family gathering, and then photoshop photos that have fewer people, slowly working your way until you use a school picture and remove the student."
DeadSarah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:16:18 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn the toilet paper rolls to the other side. Switch milk with spoiled milk. Go to a fast food restaurant, order a greasy dish and then rub the food over the keyboards, doorknobs, and phones. Replace mayonnaise with vanilla pudding in the mayo jar. Slowly move furniture over the course of a few weeks.
letspaintthesky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:17:11 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move stuff around so it just looks like something's missing.
drumjojo29 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:18:56 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put their toilet paper on top of a cup board in the bathroom where they can't reach it
DrMasterBlaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:27:52 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch the salt with the sugar, mayo with the greek yogurt, and open up every package in the pantry so everything becomes stale.
whatisthisredditstuf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:27:55 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hang their toilet paper rolls the wrong way.
kcmyk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:29:09 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shit in 4 boxes and put them on hidden but easy to find places. Number them 1, 2, 3 and 5 and let them search for the 4th until the end of their lives.
hadfordkid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:29:32 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Force windows updates at the worst moments
Karlikristine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:29:48 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rip all the labels off their canned goods (I.e. soup, beans, veggies). You were looking for tomato soup? No soup for you. Cream of corn instead.
Loveshanks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:30:37 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
http://wiki.lspace.org/mediawiki/Anticrime 'Professor Hix, the University's licenced Evil Wizard and amateur dramatics player, has perfected a sort of reverse pickpocketing, by which he deftly adds to people's pocket contents by inserting free tickets to Dolly Sisters Players productions, thus condemining the recipient to an evening of truly lacklustre amateur theatre. '
Skaleks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:32:17 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace the remotes with shitty half assed batteries.
pickapicklepipinghot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:32:28 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remove all batteries from all remotes. Change all the input/output paths for their home theater setup. Change the fridge to the warmest setting. Put the water heater on the lowest setting.
poseitom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:35:04 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
fix things secretly
ac7ss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:36:34 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Re key their locks.
mikeshouse2015 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:38:02 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Toilet seats, all batteries, cups and spoons
Reorx2112 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:39:01 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My wife says wash their dishes. I would Take the remote batteries. And pour out soda.
Itogoob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:40:22 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch the way they have their toilet paper rolls
qwqwqwqw11111 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:41:24 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the wrappers off of their canned goods.
Minnesotaatlarge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:41:52 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Poop in their toilet and not flush
-TheMAXX- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:43:11 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you do not intend to commit a crime after breaking in then it is not burglary. Your question makes no sense as stated.
clark405 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:47:01 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the batteries out of every remote and controller in the house
TronX33 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:47:23 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Relevant XCKD
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:49:02 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
move all their furniture for an inch or two to either side
qidlo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:51:51 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace ago their toilet paper and paper towels to cheap, shitty brands that crumble when used
Carole4815 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:58:38 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I take all the shoelaces out of their shoes. Then I replace their coffee with nice, brown dirt from the garden. Finally, on the way out (shoelaces and coffee in my backpack), I quietly make off with their eyeglasses as well.
WhiskerSilk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:58:45 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Transplant progressively smaller, yet still healthy versions of all of there house plants over the course of several weeks.
Donkeydongcuntry ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:59:59 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
PADDY'S HAVE RESPECT IDIOTS. I AM LEGEND.
wytzuh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:03:43 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide dairy products all over their house xD that smell would be unbareable after a while
KushKing253 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:05:51 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Erase their dvr every week
hwwv5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:05:55 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turn all the pictures upside down, car keys in vegetable drawer of the fridge, vegetables in the key dish. Hide only the left shoe of every pair of shoes.
If I felt like being nice, I would just clean everything so they would be delightfully confused in the morning.
Fleathepea ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:09:25 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch all their dvd's/blu rays so they are in the wrong cases
Cpt__Awesome ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:26:26 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything slightly to the left ..once a month, every month
Temps_once ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:32:38 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change the direction of their toilet paper roll.
WayofalexGaming ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:37:47 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Step 1: Change every single clock's time.
Step 2: Swap similar looking food items.
Step 3: Put all Toilet Paper in an odd location.
Step 4: ???
Step 5: Profit.
DrPugPug ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:40:07 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I damage their charging cables to the point they barely work. Oh and take an upper decker in their toilet.
_Awkward_Llama ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:42:18 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Set all electronical devices on full volume
LibraryLuLu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:53:01 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When my Aunt had a break in, the burglar threw her socks around the bedroom, poohed on the floor, and left only taking a $1 coin that had been on a table. That was pretty confusing.
Spastic_pinkie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:56:31 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Find a victim then get or make clothes that match their clothing. Only you get smaller and smaller sizes. Once a week replace their clothes with the ones a size smaller. Don't forget to sew the original size tag onto the smaller clothes so they don't suspect. Keep doing this and they'll think they're either growing or gaining weight in a hurry.
nepheelim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:56:59 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
change all family pictures with photos of Nicolas Cage
challenge-the-gods ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:57:59 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all or most of the food to the deep freezer, fill it with water and leave their food frozen in a giant block of ice
Phant0mCancer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:00:12 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take a huge shit on the floor. They would blame it on the dog
magdaddy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:00:37 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Open all the food containers, such as jello. Open all the DVD boxes and put the dvds in the wrong box. This happened to my ex-boss.
billybarrage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:02:10 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cut odd shapes out of the middle of the carpet.
kingofthehow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:07:15 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace their pet with a nearly identical pet
GoodNote ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:07:31 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put cocaine in their salt shakers. Put store bought picture frames with the original picture still in them in place of their photos. Put a picture of an avocado on all of their ceiling fan blades
AFishyBanana ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:08:11 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steel socks from the dyer and hide the remote
baccgirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:18:51 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go to the "goodie" drawer next to the bed....put holes in the condoms with a pin, replace their lube with deep heat/dencorub/tiger balm, hide a letter stating your absolute love for them.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:21:39 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unplug the microwave.
LandShark93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:23:18 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal large appliances or furniture while the homeowners are sleeping, like in the Sims. Leave them wondering how the fuck the stove being drug outside didn't wake them.
ImageNationAt3AM ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:24:09 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Add things to their house like old newspapers on tables, random plates and cups to their cabinets, put a new chair in the living room, add another remote for their tv, throw clothes into their laundry, add paintings on their walls, then just watch their house slowly get more cluttered untill they have to start throwing shit out.
FakingFad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:25:15 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put ketchup under toilet cover
Super_Supper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:26:21 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reset any universal remotes so they have to reprogram them for their TVs
Snicklefritz25 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:31:00 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd Nick Cage the shit outta it.
Anonor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:33:29 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change all of their locks
Kinawfl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:42:36 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change one random framed picture in their house to goatse.
pebatastic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:42:40 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change all their batteries for used ones
LifeScrewsEveryone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:44:30 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Glue the refrigerator's door! :p mmmm other things would be: - Changing their clocks - Fill a tooth paste with a shaving foam! - Put olive oil in their shampoos - Put jelly type thing in their shoes - Place battery operated robot cockroaches/ spiders around their house - Unplug their main phone (but not make it too obvious) so the rest of the phones in the house wont work either - Install a terrible alarm app on their phones and scare them with the horrible sound (you gotta set an alarm for them of course for the middle of the night)
juwop21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:50:11 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal their tv remote. When they get a new one, drive by and change the channel as their watching l.
Haynzzy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:58:46 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
move every thing two inches to the left.. I call it.. "Two inches..to the left"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:03:37 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shift all their furniture a couple inches over. Their poor toes/shins.
thoam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:08:16 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's a scene in the film "Le fabuleux destin d'Amรฉlie Poulain" (don't know the english title) where she breaks in the flat of a mean person to do such things. - replaces his slippers with the same kind but smaller - replaces the lightbulbs with defective ones that are constantly flickering - turns around the door handles - replaces his toothpaste with some handbalm or similar - cuts his shoelaces so that they rip when he wants to tie them and finally when he's messed up completely and wants to call his mum from speed dial on his phone he reaches a suicide hotline
secretsoundwave ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:21:39 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hang random Bob Ross style paintings throughout their house.
lucid_giraffe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:31:16 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Females? Leave the seat up... Males? Wash the dishes.
stolenthief ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:35:20 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I tell them I knew all about the consequences of Brexit and yet I voted for it. Then I wear a batch which says 'Make America Great again' with Trump's photo on it.
HappyAtheist3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:46:08 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pour their Diet Dr Pepper down the sink and fill the bottle with regular Dr Pepper. Forever and always.
tree5eat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:46:18 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I mess with their laundry.
Chuck in a red shirt with the whites and steal random socks.
mahbluebird ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:48:36 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Enter their houses and move everything around e.g. vases, dolls (this is the key one), any other ornaments.
Then I'd move all their furniture about 6 inches to the right, unless it's against the wall in which case I'd move it to the left.
Then I'd mess with the thermostat at night, lowering and increasing it to extremely cold and extremely hot temperatures at regular 1 hour intervals.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:01:48 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change passwords by only one character. If there is a cap, make it a lower case, & becomes *, 54 becomes 45
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:02:42 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rotate everything 5 to 10 degrees to the left and break all the windows. At first the victim would be shocked at the burglary. Confused as nothing is stolen. Too preoccupied to notice the perfect crime.
I would then repeat this every month except now I wouldn't break anything. Now is the time to realize that I just made your world go round.
Chernograd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:07:16 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A good friend of mine actually used to do this when he was a kid. He'd break into people's houses and fuck with their furniture, hide things, rearrange things, and the only thing he would actually steal was the remote. He got very good at entering (without breaking) people's houses.
He got caught once, by a pissed off Mountain-sized homeowner, which ended his several year run.
Idiotforever ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:28:10 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the batteries out of the remote and hide it
WTFIsHonour ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:48:47 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything a few inches to the left so they're not used to the surroundings and keep stubbing their toe/knocking their knees.
-JXter- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:54:14 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stare at them in a dark corner at midnight while they do a tour of their house on their phone.
After sharing a Snapchat video of their birds.
VolcaniKSnaiL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:56:49 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Raise just one of their steps on the stairs height on the stairs
franksymptoms ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:03:15 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Depends on who the victim is. Last year I broke into the home of a lady who was so poor she simply didn't have anything worth taking. So I've visited her several times since then, and left: a widescreen TV, two hundred dollars from some jerk I robbed at gunpoint, some cough medicine (she needed it) and a restored Hillman Husky in her driveway, complete with keys.
Last week, she got arrested for possession of stolen property.
AWildCookieMonster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:12:30 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Place dildos with some white out on them randomly around the house
sadolf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:13:41 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I put a drop of Bitrex (most bitter substance in the world) in all of their booze.
Jojoshirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:20:36 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the furniture about 2mm to the left on a regular basis.
Superfluous_Toast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:46:32 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave random things behind. A lava lamp, A remote for something they don't even own, a Nickelback CD. That sort of thing.
ruarisaurusrrex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:01:09 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
move everything in the house 1 inch to the left. It's just enough to not be visibly noticeable but enough to cause them to be slightly confused
INFinite_slayings ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:01:38 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take huge shits in their bathrooms without flushing
flyingfishtaco ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:10:16 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Re-work the entire plumbing in the house and replace the water with beer
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HG_wfMK7dko
HonkersTim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:11:17 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reload the toilet paper so it's all unrolling from the wrong side.
rab-byte ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:13:48 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me of a couple stories; one is mine the other an uncles.
Very short story 1: My uncle used to work maintenance at a local university and they used to mess with faculty all the time. One time he and his cohorts changed the buttons on the elevators and moved all the furniture and decorations in each hall by the elevator doors.
Very short story 2: I work in home automation and recently one of my bosses took another job in the company. I programmed a timer to lower all his light switches by 5% every 15min.
PenguinOntheRoad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:29:01 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tape the trigger down on the sink hose.
pencilline ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:37:49 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
replace their white sugar with salt.
Googalyfrog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:47:06 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take a page from the stasi (east German secrete police);
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stasi#Zersetzung
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:55:52 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide one clothing item somewhere really obscure once every week
Oidoy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:11:06 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
hide their keys and wallet
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:19:16 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take all the light bulbs out of their sockets and place them in the freezer.
fazzaa06 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:20:24 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal their phone chargers
el_chapo_jr94 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:27:04 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
hide all the TV remotes some where not obvious, but obvious.
BearBryant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:15:13 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Askew every painting except one.
PirateKilt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:30:36 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change their locks
Atlion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:42:17 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the furniture in the house just an inch closer to the center of the room everyday.
SamL214 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:55:32 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal the power button off all remotes, unplug all computer bricks, remove batteries from wireless mice and invert (with an ifixit electronics kit) all screen powered object's hardline inputs so images are altered in various ways.
MeanMrMustardSeed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:01 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Upper Decker
DextroShade ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:19:30 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take a shit on the floor.
tempo541 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:30:37 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's a scene in Amelie where the title character breaks into Collinon's apartment and adjusts everything to drive him crazy. I can't find the scene of her setting the traps, but here's a link to the aftermath
oblivionkiss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:45 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything in their house 6 inches to the left. Once a month, come back and move everything back to its original position, then the next month move it all 6 inches to the right. Rinse and repeat.
gossipandtacos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:28:03 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything exactly 6 inches in a random direction.
SaraGoesQuack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:51:11 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything in the house six inches to the right.
Aramil03 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:45:33 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace their flour with powdered sugar.
femalerebellion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:35 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sneak in the middle of the night and flick their eyelids. (Shoutout to you if you know the reference)
crunch816 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:01 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I take the clean clothes out of their closet and mix it with their dirty clothes.
Shadow_Of_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:30:53 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cover the house with Donald trump related merchandise replacing family photos with trump etc
Bartender_Danny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:38:05 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Never seen it
Nitero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:04:09 on June 29, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fill up their dishwasher with dirty plates that leave 1/4 of the machine empty
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:54:05 on June 29, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Can't help but think this question was asked by that girls ex bf who was gas lighting her a few weeks back. I hope not, he would have so many new inconspicuous gas lighting techniques ๐
douganater ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:11:59 on June 29, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into a house when out for a day or 2 and move everything 4 inches to the side. Say hello to sore ankles
SaifAlMazrooei ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:20 on July 2, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal all the batteries in their remotes so they have t get up to turn on the TV after they get comfy
SAGATvsAKUMA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:31:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide speakers all around the house with Never Gonna Give You Up playing on all of them
notreallysrs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:23:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make everything turn on the opposite direction in their house (when they press up on their remote tv the channel goes down, when they flick up on the light switch it turns off instead of on, etc)
joeret ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:29:30 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That seems like a lot of work.
organic_crystal_meth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:49:40 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go into their dvr and delete all their saved programs
Herr_Doktore ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:03:00 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No. Fuck you if you do this.
SirQuay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:44:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And go into the deleted folder and delete them again? No getting any of them back.
meow_mom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:41:38 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That is just fucking evil!
meanelephant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:09:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Repaint the entire house while they sleep. When they go to work I change it all back.
jmac3979 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:38:46 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Okay Dane Cook. Head back to 2007 bro. We need you there.
Galxctus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:00:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal their coffee maker. No more needs to be said.
boxhacker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:18:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace birth control pills with sugared replacements hehehehehe
opalorchid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:03:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So, you're not a burglar, just annoying.
JerryTrees ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:26:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Then you're not a burglar.
missed_the_point_of ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:30:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
but burgulrs steal things
KimChaotix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:33:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So then I'm NOT a burglar???
ih8umum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:37:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're not a burglar if you don't steal anything.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:44:59 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
...or intend to commit a felony therein
ih8umum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:47:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, but moving some random dude's furniture an inch to the right isn't a felony.
WoodenHouse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:56:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
little late to this, doubt anyone will see this, but i'd leave 1 second on their microwave every chance i get to break in, or fold up clothes and leave them somewhere in a huge pile.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:06:56 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Get shot for breaking into my house, and die in a pool of blood and vomit.
Source: Been there, done that.
captbeaks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:51:52 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You've died?! Impressive! How was it?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not quite. But the guy breaking and entering didn't fair so well.
RustyPwner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:07:12 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This again? On the front page... what the fuck people... I swear reddit is getting shittier everyday.
MrSourz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:52:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change their answering machine's message
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal the remote for the TV, proceed to drive back and forth down the street switching channels and turning the TV on and off as I pass by.
nayone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:02:04 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Get some identical clothes but a size smaller and swap over the labels
DIARRHEARAMA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:04:25 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
make sure all doors and windows are closed, take a massive diarrhea dump in a stock pot and leave it on the stove, simmering on low heat.
earthismine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:15:45 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I'm gonna tell you a story that happened to me(my family) once: We were enjoying a night with some guests over and we were pretty loud since we were having a great time laughing and eating dinner, and then afterwards drinking and sharing jokes and stuff. We usually left all our shoes outside the front door, we've never had a problem with that, our neighboorhood is wonderful, we know everyone, they're all decent people. Which is why we were a little confused when we got out to find that some of our shoes were missing. And some.of the missing shoes were our guests shoes. We apologised to them, told them that this has never happened to us, we have a fence around the garden and stuff, we loaned some shoes to them and they went home. We all thought they'd been stolen. The next day we talk to neighbours and ask them if they heard/saw anything or if anything was missing from them.Apparently our shoes were sent to another neighbours house, and his shoes were sent somewhere else. Phew we were relieved to find that our guests shoes had not been in fact stolen, but some of ours still were missing. Apparently the theif had decided he no longer liked those shoes or found better ones at our neighbours house, which is three houses down from my house. The whole neighbourhood was left confused, searching for their shoes in the houses next to them and further. Most of them found them but unfortunately not all of them. That burglary must have been fun, missplacing shoes all over the place, leaving us confused.
WET_MY_NOODLE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:32:57 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fill their septum tank with piss, so when they flush the bowl gets replaced with more piss.
AlmightyTurdButterer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:40:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Open the fridge and find their butter, preferably of the "I can't believe it is not" variety or one of those big yellow containers.
Take a big fuckin' hefty scoop out of the centre and lay a fat, high-fibre dook in the butter canyon.
Cover your work with the butter you previously removed to make it look like it did before. Put the butter back in the fridge and dispose of any excess.
The ramifications of this malicious breed of prank are never happy, and as such you should exercise extreme caution before comitting to turd-buttering.
Thrownitawaytho ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:04:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Amazing.
neeet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:30:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Flip the toilet paper rolls in their bathrooms
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:16:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
monkmethod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:42:49 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is called gaslighting and it's psychologically worse than burglar theft. There's an old movie about it called Gaslighting. The Counter-Intelligence Program does this to government targets, (thanks Patriot Act,) and it's sick and illegal.
jonahsmells ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:35:57 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave drops of urine on their toilet seat
Switch all their non drowsy medication to drowsy
stachldrat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:49 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Initiate a clean re-install of their computer's operating system.
SunosUnix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:31:57 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Initiate a Windows 10 update
PremierVoltage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:24 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Loosen all the screws on every chair, remove the batteries from every remote, unfix every bed and squeeze out all the toothpaste.
Josue143803 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:33:03 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Install Windows on their Macs, or Linux on their Windows PC's
If they have a dog, replace it with a cat or vice-versa.
If they have videogames, replace each console with a different one (Xbox with PS, PS with Nintendo, etc...), or if they play on their PC, replace it with a Chromebook or something.
Turn every speaker's volume to minimum
Replace Coca-cola/Pepsi with a mixture of carbonated water and soy sauce
Hang all paintings/pictures upside down.
Dump the contents of their trash cans on the dining table
labiaflutteringby ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 13:01:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ok get this...I take all their potatoes...and I move them around. Like put them in a basket or whatever. Hilarious!
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:43:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They are changing mental illness patients medications with something that makes them piss his pants. Then when he stops taking them and accuses that they have been changed, put it on his record and go change them pack to those that they were originally. Then collect all the information and who is involved and make public nation and world wide press about how governament is oppressing its people for no fucking reason other than people messing with each other because someone else is saying that its a fucking good idea to ruin someones life because everyone else is doing it too without any second thoughts - basically they are not thinking clearly and not using their full brain. And by doing so these all involved are breaking immersively amount of laws against EU and human rights.
gonzagylot00 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:46:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dude. That is some Hannibal level shit right there.
You might as well have said: "Brainwash a guy with light therapy."
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:21:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Lights cant do that. Thats not how light works.
Also I dont know what is this level shit you speak of, but you must be consuming too much entertainment if you think everything is somekind of movie or book reference.
gonzagylot00 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:31:30 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Intense pulsed light therapy
xylhim ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:51:53 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is my fantasy:
Break in and start making a huge pancake breakfast in the kitchen. Don't bother cleaning anything up and be kind of sloppy about it- spill a bit of flower on the floor, slop some pancake batter on the stove, make sure the table cloth is sticky with syrup. After eating the pancakes, leave the messy plates in the sink. Before leaving, take one battery out of a TV remote in the house.
fluffyvulvasalesman ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:58:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me of a story about an old English couple who had their house burgled shortly after returning from holiday.
The house had definitely been broken into but, as far as they could tell, nothing had been taken. The TV was still there, the jewellery was still there, the drawers didn't looked like they'd been raked through the the house was otherwise clean and tidy. The couple and the police chalk this up as an unsolvable mystery and close the case.
Weeks later the couple get their holiday pictures back from the photo developers. The last of the film has been filled by two masked men wiping their arses with the couples' toothbrushes.
I think it would take a lifetime's worth of mouthwash to make my mouth feel clean again after that.
myusername96 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:04:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move all the furniture a bit to the left, not enough to be noticeable, but enough where they would bump into all their shit
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:04:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move every piece of furniture two inches to the left.
Valthoros ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:05:18 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
B n' E
NZ_NZ ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:06:35 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yea? How about you?
Cenarang117 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:12:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Give them AIDS via oral injection with a syringe
radio_fox ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:17:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steal.
SyCoCyS ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:38:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shit in the sink
originalmango ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:39:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
An Upper Decker. And if they have a fold-out bed, a Mexican Waffle (also known as a Trump Toupee).
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:42:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Poop and not flush and wet all the tp
marmiteandbacon ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:03:36 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move everything one inch to the right.
MeanwhileOnReddit ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:04:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break and do their taxes wrong and get them audited. Classic Frank
Koan_Industries ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:42:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wake them up, tell them I am a burglar that doesn't steal anything and try to explain to them that burglary includes any offense not just theft.
redditalb ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:55:26 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Log in to their Reddit and learn their character based on their subreddit subscriptions.
Then subscribe them to a few subreddits that are not their character.
Go wild.
And for completion's sake comment something pro whatever subreddit you subscribed them to in those subs.
Oh and bake a cake for them or something.
Mooksayshigh ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:57:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put paint thinner in their milk.
inuyasha2510 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:57:37 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
open all the drawers in the house and just kinda shake around the things inside to make them think something was taken.
mxloco27 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:36:08 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into someone's house, beat the shit out of them, then run away without doing anything else.
A friend and I discussed this and he said he probably wouldn't even call the police if this happened to him because it makes no sense.
Youcanneverleave ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:49:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Be myself
LittleKingSlice ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:05:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Me reading through this thread, laughing
HopePumpkinBJ ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:11:17 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
something mildly sexual to the sleeping woman.
-imbatman- ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:47:24 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
hey I'm batman
bigpuffy ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:14:44 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought I've seen it all but no, this is the stupidest Ask Reddit I've ever seen. Holy shit.
Oxycotton_mouth ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:16:11 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break into my friend Jimmy's apartment, rearrange his entire DVD collection to correspond to the dewey decimal system instead of alphabetically, then move all furniture precisely a foot to the left.
My friend Jimmy has rather severe OCD. Many laughs are had.
Cyberfit ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:27:51 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Christopher Nolan's (Inception etc.) first movie Following (1998) explored this very concept. It's a great watch if you haven't seen it.
stevenisslick ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 00:23:07 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shit in their milk
Shadow_River ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 00:31:27 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Piss on all their toilet seats, boiiii
Beatupstuff ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 01:08:35 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Gxzx
Axzzzxzzzz
Zzzzz
monkwren ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 02:10:26 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hide a poop in various places.
forgingerssake ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 02:11:28 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Beat off in their mayonnaise jar
olivias_bulge ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:07:50 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace their shampoo with REAL POO.
The RECTALfier will do his doody!
Trancefam ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:12:51 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Water down all the beverages, leave the milk out, and lick all their chips then put them back inside the bag.
Edwhirl ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:15:24 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
All of the lightbulbs in the ohuse.
It would leave them delighted.
PHILR0Y ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:17:59 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I sneak into my neighbour house once a month and slowly turn their fridge 180ยฐ so the door faces the wall.
kflan22 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:19:53 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Switch out their dirty undies with clean undies. Clean undies go in the hamper and dirty in the drawer.
nameghino ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:20:12 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go into Stevie Wonder's place and rearrange his furniture
Darkchyylde ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:24:13 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rearrange all the cupbaords (fiancee's reply)
MadderLadder ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:24:40 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take nothing.
Leave a note saying "find what I took and I let him live".
Have no one.
soymilktoast ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:33:27 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
addendnftrance
Pray2OverLord ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:36:27 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Piss in the shampoo and soap bottles. Wait for them to change the bottles out and do it again.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:03:12 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rape them with a dildo made of air.
Phroneo ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 12:28:43 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Watch a Spanish film called 'Sleep Tight'. A disturbing answer to this question is enclosed.
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 14:20:28 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Relevant XKCD
SilentxSage ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 14:30:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I steal jokes from Dane Cook, who probably stole them from a shittier comic.
revatron ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 14:58:22 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pee in the bathtub, but only enough for the bottom of the tub to be wet. The next morning they'll think they are stepping into a leftover wet shower, NOPE! It's my piss on yo feet!
GrumpingIt ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 15:13:05 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Continue posting the same AskReddit question every other day so they think time is must repeating and repeating and repeating
Euam ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 15:21:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Replace their pills with cyanide tablets.
mikeyyy3 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 16:58:19 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
stab the family dog
mikeyyy3 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 16:58:20 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
stab the family dog
HotstudT ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 17:31:06 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But then you wouldn't be a burglar
FreeRangeAlien ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 18:02:50 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So you're not a burglar
Kindadeadguy ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 19:36:15 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nobody will read this, but I did this, actually. Me and some friends climbed a primary school and took all the tennis balls from the roof (kids toss a lot of them onto the roof, turns out). We then broke into the gym and left the balls there. We even left a note saying: we found these on your roof. And relax, we didn't steal anything. We did stuff like that a bunch of times...
HITLERS_SEX_PARTY ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 01:01:55 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I shorten the bottom stair by one inch, and raise the top stair one inch. Next week, I break in again and reverse them. Repeat every week, because I'm bored and a sadist.
Bakkie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:05:33 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
how do you shorten a stair?
HITLERS_SEX_PARTY ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:20:23 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It is a theoretical situation, so I can do anything.
olivias_bulge ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 03:01:36 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Im The BURGERlar, with my sidekick CONdiment we dine and dash with flash slash pinache
Veteran0fPsychicWars ยท -20 points ยท Posted at 12:21:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Point a gun at the man, rape his woman while making him watch, and when I cum - shoot the man and the woman.
That'll confuse and annoy them.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:32:54 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
3edgy5me
Veteran0fPsychicWars ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 12:54:03 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I shave my balls with my edge
JoeSkooma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:07:14 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
:)
chazzybeats ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 14:55:41 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Break in to blind women's homes and leave the plunger in the toilet and rearrange the furniture
nebraskalligator ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 12:39:23 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
FUCK! I WISH I WAS FUCKIN' DEAD!
Curtixman ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 18:03:55 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha... I actually did this; This was about 20+ years ago. I was walking up the street one day and a lady in front of me dropped all her groceries all over the ground as the bag she was carrying them in broke. Nice kid that I was I asked if I could help her carry them home. She was delighted. We walked about two or three blocks to a basement apartment. I helped carry in the groceries and she insisted that she give me something to thank me. It was a small apartment with a detached bedroom where she shuffled about in the closet looking for whatever this item was that she just knew I must have. This went on for a long time. Long enough that I was pacing about the apartment and starting to feel awkward. It was becoming clearer by the minute that this woman was a little off. As I had entered the apartment and had been pacing around I had noticed a few things; - there were bars on all the windows. - she left her keys on the table. - there was a cheap cordless pencil drill on top of the refrigerator with a Phillips/star bit already on it. - the deadbolt was of the type that turned by hand on the inside and needed a key from the outside. In all of about 60 seconds I grabbed the cordless drill, removed the deadbolt, flipped it reverse so the keyhole was inside the apartment, grabbed the keys, left and locked the door. I left the keys right outside the apartment while she was still chattering on to me from the other room. Kinda cruel, I know. But, I was laughing my ass off for blocks. I still laugh when I think of it.
[deleted] ยท -17 points ยท Posted at 19:47:48 on June 26, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
CallmeDaddio ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:21:43 on June 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
why are you such a liar?