The Air Force let his dad keep his jet fighter when he retired and would drop him off at the school's secret landing strip. This was junior year of high school.
This is WOMB, The Womb
And if you, my pets, learn to listen
I'll let you crawl back in
Here is something you should drop to your knees for and worship
But you're too stupid to realize yourselves
A song for the Deaf, that is for you...
Being deaf is not the same thing as not being able to perceive sound. (Some) deaf people can feel the air vibrate against their skin and almost all of them, in the case of deep loud sounds, feel the ground rumbling under them and the noise reverberating in their chest. It's not hearing, really, but it is perceiving sound.
Deaf people still have a sense of touch. They can feel vibrations, but the inner ear doesn't pick up and translate vibrations into sound signals very well / at all.
You are saving on this whole healthcare and education part
[deleted] · -1 points · Posted at 21:08:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Psh, that's nothing.
We've spent billions developing the F-35, and that program is projected to be about 1.5 trillion. Hell, each plane costs somewhere in the $175 million range, and the US armed forces has put in an advanced order for almost 2,000.
EDIT: apparently we got some Lockheed fanboys a bit butthurt.
And I hear a lot of airforce people saying it's a shit attempt at a jack of all trades.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:29:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I hear a lot of people from all the branches that have pilots, as well as a few aerospace enthusiasts who keep up on this sort of thing saying it's a shit attempt at a jack of all trades.
I've decided that any time I'm tempted to say "Sunken Cost Fallacy" I'm instead going to say "F-35 Fallacy"
I think the issue is that most of the air force desperately needs to be replaced. The last time the average age of the US air force was this old was prior to WWII.
I can kinda buy the logic of "we need to replace pretty much all our planes, rather than buying a bunch of different planes, let's just buy one that does everything." But the requirements are diverse enough that a plane that can do everything can't do any of it well.
Dubanx · 2 points · Posted at 16:20:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It depends on the type of jet and when this happened. That's in the ballpark for a used A-10.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:34:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It was clearly an older model. They aren't going to let him keep an F-22 or something.
According to Wikipedia, the F-16 unit cost is in the $15-20 million range in 1998 dollars. Put OP's Friend's Dad climbing in the cockpit for the first time in, say 1985, and the military probably paid about $10 million for it at the time.
That's actually a lot more plausible than I thought it would be.
I was hoping to find a news article from about 10 years ago, when someone was trying to sell a couple honest-to-god f-16s on eBay, and the US government was very interested in finding out where the hell he got them from... this forum thread is the only reference I could find:
The Army Air corp. back in 1945 let my great grandfather keep his P-51 Mustang. He was a flight instructor after wards and used it to teach advanced flying. The barrels were left in, but cemented and firing pins removed.
Yeah, while my great grandfather passed a few years ago, the plane is still in the family. I'm not sure if it's flyable right now, i'd have to ask my father.
Back then they had more planes than they knew what to do with and the jet engine pretty much rendered everything obsolete. They were basically pushing off WWII planes to anyone who'd take them. Unfortunately that meant most of them ended up melted down for scrap.
This reminds me of the secret seniors only pool on the roof of my school. The seniors even went so far as to photoshop a pool onto an aerial view of the school and broadcast the image on the morning announcements.
That's a pretty slow way to drive a kid the half mile or so to school, isn't it?
My dad let me take Einstein's portal gun that he got when he went back in his time machine. Apparently he invented it when he was working for Hitler during WWI. Based one one of DaVinci's drawings.
I have a coworker who claims he can borrow an F4 Phantom or Harrier whenever he wants. He seems to be an expert in all things transportation having claimed to be a train engineer and commercial ship captain.
But he can't show it to you, because his dad recently sold it.
3nl · 1 points · Posted at 19:54:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I actually did work for a mega-rich IAF fighter pilot who flew MIG-21s against Pakistan and now owns a MIG-21 (along with his private airline...). So, while he didn't get to keep the fighter he flew in the war, he does own a freaking MIG-21.
What's funny is that we had a friend who make would make up absurd shit as a joke, e.g."I couldn't do my homework, my drunk Russian uncle ripped it up" and I'm pretty sure he made a few jokes like this too.
I just had an awesome idea for an interesting animated film. A lonely boy who has absentee parents (maybe they work too hard and have little time for him... don't want it to be actual neglect/"When is dad coming back from the the store?"). He suffers from low self esteem and wants to fit in so he ends up making up all these lies about different family members. Drunk russian uncles, rich princess cousins, super scientist grandparents, etc... and tells them to his classmates whenever they tell some story involving their family.
It would take place around Christmas, where he's told people that all his relatives will be in town for a big Christmas party his parents are throwing. No one believes them. A few indulge him, but someone gets fed up with his lies and calls him out on them. Others join in. He gets upset, flees and walks home. He cries for most of the night until he falls asleep.
Then he is woken up by one of his imaginary relatives. From there, it's your typical feel-good story with a few minor twists and potential threats.
Had a kid in high school tell me the Air Force gave his grandpa, a "General", a stealth bomber for a retirement gift. Apparently the Air Force is very generous huh? Lolz
I knew a kid in jr high who told me his cousin was in the Air Force and would drop fly him to Tokyo all the time in his fighter jet. I wonder if it's the same guy.
blivet · 1 points · Posted at 02:20:11 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Jesus. When I saw this topic I thought of an annoying kid in elementary school who claimed to have an oil well in his backyard that he used to fuel his G.I. Joe jeep which had a gasoline engine which he would drive around in. Your high school acquaintance is only slightly better at storytelling.
Freshman year, there were these two guys trying to one up each other about having guns. It got to the point where they were both claiming to have bazookas, gatling guns, and tanks. I was shocked how far they were taking their lies and how dumb they sounded. The whole class got quiet just to listen to their ridiculous pissing contest.
[deleted] · 3574 points · Posted at 11:53:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I grew up in a pub and we had a lot of regulars, one guy in particular was consistently lying to the point I assumed he was just 70 odd and trying to wind people up. Eventually it became clear he was a just an almost pathological liar. People would tell stories about how even as a child he would claim to have a diesel powered train set at home when shown someone's electronic one.
The best lie he told me was the time he came into the pub after leaving a tab unpaid for a month or two saying he was going to pay it off at the weekend because he was about to come into some money. He'd just been digging in his garden and he found a small trove of old coins. He knew they were valuable by the dates on them and sent them to the British museum for valuation. He said the finders fee on the oldest one alone could cover the debt 1000 times over. The oldest coin he found apparently had 150 BC written on it...
i aint gonna lie it took me far too long to realize why 150 BC would not be written on a coin.
ladayen · 819 points · Posted at 18:20:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Similar to why you'll never see a medal say World War 1
bubscuf · 330 points · Posted at 21:57:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Interestingly, WW1 was named the "First World War" in 1939. Some people realised "the Great War" wouldn't hold up as a name over the years and wanted one that would, so they decided upon the "First World War" to remind people that this was the first time the whole world had been brought into such a conflict.
EDIT: Oh crap. I meant 1919. The point I was trying to make was that it wasn't only in 1939 that it was named that. Guess I must have had that number on my mind and written it instead. This comment rightfully deserved to be downvoted, look at the reply left by /u/arcanum7123 for what I was actually trying to say. Sorry reddit, well this is embarrassing.
Actually the first person to use the phrase was Ernst Haeckel in 1914. However it still isn't really accurate to say it was "named" The First World War in either 1914 or 1918 because most of the world still called it 'The Great War' or 'The World War' up until WWII got going.
NDRB · 11 points · Posted at 23:29:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Although the term first world War was used for it during the war. The logic some people use is that it wouldn't be called the first until there was a second. But by that logic no one would refer to Obama as the first black US President.
Better known as the Seven Years' War outside the USA
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 03:36:24 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I find it bizarre that I didn't learn about the Seven Years War in school but while hitting the random button on Wikipedia whilst skipping school Sophomore year.
I've learned about the seven years war in US history. AP US history was quite extensive actually.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 03:19:57 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Also interestingly WW1 should be called WW2 and The 7 Years War should be WW1. In that war there were battles in North America, South America, Europe, Africa, and Asia with a lot of countries involved
Which is especially annoying since the 7 years war was a global war, and arguably had far greater global ramifications, where as the non European bits of WW1 were somewhat forgettable.
150 BC would mean 150 years Before Christ. But then if it's still 150 years before Christ arrives, they wouldn't know about Christ yet and so wouldn't know to print "150 BC" on the coin because Christ is still in their future.
FWIW, that's one of the amazing things about "The Book of Mormon" (the actual book, not the musical). Most of it takes place before the birth of Christ, on the other side of the planet (i.e. the Americas), and the prophets in the book telling the people that Jesus will be coming in exactly 600 years, and then 595 years later they remind them that he'll be there in exactly five years etc. It's amazing.
I enjoyed them, but I was always more of a Hardy Boys kid and it always annoyed me how Encyclopedia Brown got people busted on like one tiny little technicality or minor mistake, and they every eyewitness account was believed 100%.
I also got into Sherlock Holmes at a relatively young age so maybe that's why I was so harsh on good ol' E.B.
Dude, I actually remember that! Encyclopedia Brown was the shit. Not sure how kids would keep calling him such a longass name though. Why not just 'Cyc'?
In my AP US history class I said it as battle of manassas because I would talk to this guy about history when I was younger and that's what he referred to it as and so did I, well my teacher mention the fact that that's what the Rebs called it and this one chick decided since that's what they called it that I must be a confederate and therefore a racist.
Not really relevant and more of a rant.
That is literally the only Encyclopedia Brown story I've ever read, and yet I will never forget that the Union called it Bull Run but the Confederacy called it Manassas. Every time I go by Manassas, my brain replays the story. I always think it'd be interesting to bring up at a party, but alas, I haven't been able to shoehorn it into a totally unrelated conversation.
Nixie9 · 5 points · Posted at 21:20:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There's a place called Man asses? That's not a thing I'd think confederates would support.
They were pretty cool about Judaism. I think the first Jewish cabinet member in America was on the Confederate cabinet.
I think the main requirements to join their club were having the right skin color and having enough money to own a bunch of people with another skin color.
I guess it depends on the details of the story, if the inscription was made pre-1918 it would still make sense. I just thought it was interesting that we called it the First World War before there was a second one.
When someone talks about the recent war as something new and different, a world war, it's not hard to jump to the idea that this may have been the first but it won't be the last.
I loved those. The only ah ha I remember is that the bad guy added an item to the shopping list so the patsy would be gone longer because they wouldn't be able to use the quick check out line. This extra amount of time of the shopper being out gave the baddy the required time to pull off the crime. EB figured it out of course!
There is something with Encyclopedia Brown out there that has to do with "the Great War" vs "WWI" but I haven't been able to find that specific story via Google. ((Unless there was a UK version of these books that subbed the Civil War info with WWI?))
Interesting! I read this in a small library in New England and remember it because I’d never heard of The Great War. Maybe there were two versions though, and the library had a British copy…
Oh fuck,, I completely forgot about encyclopedia brown, that little twat was absolutely the tits at taking forever to solve mysteries that a six year old had figured out in the first three pages... Still loved those books though
Ceffyl · 1950 points · Posted at 14:47:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The oldest coin he found apparently had 150 BC written on it
hahahaha
[deleted] · 1193 points · Posted at 15:48:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"man, I can't wait until we hit zero. I wonder what will happen?"
There is absolutely no evidence he exists. Under your logic it is just as plausible that the center of the earth is made of green bean casserole because there is no evidence to the contrary.
Believing things just because you were indoctrinated at an early age is not your fault. But you have the choice to use your rational mind and make grown observations now.
It is far more plausible that there is no god, thus that is what I choose to believe.
But I'm not stating as a fact that he exists. I just believe it. You were stating it as a fact though.
Under your logic it is just as plausible that the center of the earth is made of green bean casserole because there is no evidence to the contrary
Actually, there is evidence to the contrary, we can observe seismic waves travelling through the core and measure them on the other side of the planet, and we know what ripples and patterns different materials produce because of scientific research. Therefore we can prove that it is in fact, not made out of green bean casserole.
Believing things just because you were indoctrinated at an early age is not your fault.
Holy shit, stop trying to be so edgy and condescending, you sound like a 12 year old retard who just discovered what atheism is and that it's "hip" or something.
But you have the choice to use your rational mind and make grown observations now.
Actually it's a plausible theory that we might just be a simulation and whoever programmed our simulation is a god. And even if it wasn't, why would there not be a god who just started the big bang and this is what came out of it? We have absolutely no fucking idea what happened before the big bang, might have been a gay unicorn that shit out a turd onto a '69 Camaro and that's what started the big bang.
I'm not saying there has to be a God I'm trying to tell you that you're a fucking asshole for forcing your opinion down other people's throats, acting condescending and apparently trying to impersonate /r/iamverysmart and /r/justneckbeardthings at the same time.
Also your second paragraph makes no sense again. There is also no evidence that we aren't a simulation or that God didn't start the big bang. So it's also plausible there is a God. Why are you trying to argue that? Just accept that it's also likely there might be a God because we have no fucking idea what happened before our universe was created.
Be my guest, no one asked for you ignorant opinion in the first place. And I am far from a troll, I just have a different understanding of the universe than you. One based on quantifiable evidence and probability.
Bowing out of the conversation only proves you can't adequately argue your point.
Hey, you're finally making sense. I think everyone knew what you meant. I personally was just fucking with you since you were spewing incoherent sentences borderlining on hate speech.
Opposition to religion which most likely is based on an indoctrinated delusion is not hateful. If anything it is with love that I try to free the lost souls and allow them you see a rational world.
I call it like it is. If you are religious, you believe I am going to burn in hell for all eternity. Now that I would call intorentant.
Pointing out that all the religious folk on this planet are most likely living a delusion indoctrinated by their parents is not intolerant. It is a public service.
Religious folk are far more intolerant of athiests then the other way around.
They believe I will burn for all eternity, I only believe they are delusional. According to every major religion non-believers go to some form of hell for torment.
While you are fighting amongst yourself I will happily become worm food and go back into the energy continuum.
It is far more beautiful to think the elements in our bodies came from exploding star then that there is a man in the sky controlling everything.
Lack of evidence is a good reason not to believe in something. If you live your life believing in thing with no evidence you probably belong in a mental institution.
Disagree completely, you don't have any evidence to say our universe didn't come into existence last Thursday, yet you still believe it didn't come into existence last week. There are many examples of things that can't be proven yet we accept because it is rational, but not provable.
How do you know that the universe didn't just come into existence with all those things exactly like that? Everything we know and can measure and see didn't just come into existence exactly as it was last Thursday, last Thursday.
I was alive before Last Thursday so I am pretty sure the universe existed. At least that is the most plausible answer and I base my reasoning on probability.
How do you know your entire body and memory's didn't just come into existence last Thursday.
At least that is the most plausible answer and I base my reasoning on probability.
You just disproved your entire argument, you now believe in something as it is rational and the most plausible even though there is no evidence to disprove my theory, the same could apply to religion.
What you are saying is basically that there is no evidence of anything at all and there never has been. That is the only way your argument makes sense, because if none of the things he listed counts as reasonable evidence, then nothing can be evidence. If you can't even agree to accept our basic reality as a fact, then there is not much to discuss.
I'm just trying to explain that you can believe in something without evidence, his original point was that lack of evidence means something doesn't exist, yet that example is impossible to disprove. His argument was that their is no evidence for God so it doesn't exist, but you still can't disprove it, so their is a chance.
My original point is why believe in something without evidence. I just gave you multiple reasons why the earth did not come into existence last thursday and you can't give me even one why god exists.
You didn't give me any evidence that my theory could not explain, I obviously don't believe it as it is not rational but it is still impossible to disprove, their is NO evidence to disprove it, the example was their to show you how you believe in the Big Bang or whatever theory you believe in as it is the most rational in your mind, but any evidence you have can just be explained by the 'Last Thursday' argument. Personally, I'm not religious so I don't believe that god exists but I was just providing a counter argument that it is possible to believe in something without evidence as you could substitute God into my example with the same result, you can't disprove Gods existence.
Radioactive isotopes delay at a certain rate. We can register this change. As things age more isotopes decay and thus we can 100% tell that the universe did not come into existence last thursday.
Because science and observable evidence. The is a great probability that the Universe is 14 billion years old then a week old. If you should live life based on anything, probability is one of the better ones. It sure beats indoctrinated good feelings
My point was that we still believe in things even with a lack of evidence, assuming they are rational and have a high chance of occurring. I just wanted you to understand that to Religious believers, it is just that, a rational being or event, and they see the bible as evidence, versus you who presumably doesn't. It all comes down to how people see the evidence that is presented to them and just because you see a lack of evidence does not mean that a thing does not exist or that other people do not believe in it.
The bible is considered by many to be a second hand source of information, but it could be unreliable for this reason as we don't know the circumstances of which it was written, but many people have a different opinion of how reliable a source is for evidence.
If you sit down and read it, it quickly becomes apparent that it is not a reliable source of information. But because these people have been lied to since birth they know nothing different.
Examples:
Firmament
The "firmament" is claimed to be a solid "roof" over the world.[13][14] This is obviously untrue, unless all those satellites in orbit are a hoax. Considering the views of flat earthers, someone, somewhere probably thinks this is true.
Stars
The Bible makes it clear that stars are tiny objects in the sky that will fall down when Jesus comes back:
Revelation 8:10
And the third angel sounded, and there fell a great star from heaven, burning as it were a lamp, and it fell upon the third part of the rivers, and upon the fountains of waters;
Planetary formation
According to the Genesis creation myth, the Earth was formed before the Sun. Aside from bio-mechanical problems, this flatly contradicts the nebular hypothesis of stellar formation, in which planets form in the accretion disk created by a young star.
The Bible implies that the sun moves around the Earth, rather than the Earth rotating. Ecclesiastes 1:5 shows a geocentric world view:
“”The sun also ariseth, and the sun goeth down, and hasteth to his place where he arose.
Now I know you will just say these all interpretable but that's the problem. Why was the bible written so ambiguously? If it were the word of god why does it seem like it was written by people with a very basic understanding of the universe by today's standards.
No problem, you didn't really deserve all the negative karma that you got.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:52:19 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Fuck off neckbeard, askreddit doesn't need bigots like you. Not only are you talking shit about a large group of people you are also racist against jews.
Reddit needs all kinds. You just proved you are the true bigot.
How am I racist against jews? I merely said Jesus was a delusional jew, I have no issues with him other than the fact he pushes lies that continue to this day. Or any other Jewish person for that matter.
And I would suggest you stop calling people neckbeards, it does you no service.
If you had a family member who still believed in Santa clause into their twenties would you not try to show them the error of their ways?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:21:10 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Get off our dicks. While your at it also get off santa's dick because you neckbeards ride it all day.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:21:40 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
You said jesus was proven false, so give me the proof.
Huh, Santa's dick? Are you ok bro? And what did I tell you about "neckbeard". Saying that makes you sound like a fucking idiot.
Lack of evidence is enough proof for me. There is not one single shred of evidence that god exists or that jesus is his son. The only people who believe this garbage are the ones that were fed it from and early age.
If you sit down and read the bible, it quickly becomes apparent that it is not a reliable source of information.
Examples:
Firmament
The "firmament" is claimed to be a solid "roof" over the world.[13][14] This is obviously untrue, unless all those satellites in orbit are a hoax. Considering the views of flat earthers, someone, somewhere probably thinks this is true.
Stars
The Bible makes it clear that stars are tiny objects in the sky that will fall down when Jesus comes back:
Revelation 8:10 And the third angel sounded, and there fell a great star from heaven, burning as it were a lamp, and it fell upon the third part of the rivers, and upon the fountains of waters;
Planetary formation
According to the Genesis creation myth, the Earth was formed before the Sun. Aside from bio-mechanical problems, this flatly contradicts the nebular hypothesis of stellar formation, in which planets form in the accretion disk created by a young star.
The Bible implies that the sun moves around the Earth, rather than the Earth rotating. Ecclesiastes 1:5 shows a geocentric world view:
“”The sun also ariseth, and the sun goeth down, and hasteth to his place where he arose.
Now I know you will just say these all interpretable but that's the problem. Why was the bible written so ambiguously? If it were the word of god why does it seem like it was written by people with a very basic understanding of the universe by today's standards.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:55:43 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
There is a big difference between evidence and proof and I am sure you and I both know the difference. You need to respect other people's view points. I know there are overly religous people out there but that does not justify being disrespectful to other
people because they have different views than you. I will respect your view points if you respect mine.
When those views are because of an indoctrinated delusion I feel it necessary to try to help.
If a child was raised by evil parents that taught him to cut himself because that would please their lord would you not feel the need to help him/her? Religion is no different. I have family members that are religious and though I am respectful they know where I stand. A few of them have even started to realize the truth they seek is not with god.
Yes, also did your pub have one of those cigarette vending machines?
[deleted] · 6 points · Posted at 17:05:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Used to... in fact my mother might still have it because they were banned from UK bars during the time we had the pub. It sat in the spare bedroom for years. Kinda sad actually I got to know the guy who refilled it over about 5 years of him coming to fill it and take the cash. He was out of work overnight.
I assumed he was just 70 odd and trying to wind people up
what does this mean
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 17:00:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
before I knew he was a liar I assumed he was just an old man telling stories he knew were lies on purpose, As in he knew they were lies, he knew we knew they were lies and it was harmless bullshitting.
Model steam trains aren't that uncommon. My granddad was an engineer and supposedly hand-built the one that's still kicking around in a loft somewhere. That one runs from a little burner that takes alcohol or meths or something.
A similar one that burns diesel doesn't seem impossible exactly, though unlikely as diesel isn't easy to light. But it seems like an easy enough mistake to call the burny-liquid diesel if you don't know better.
/edit: If he meant an internal combustion engine, that's maybe less likely? Though little model ones do exist, so who knows.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:48:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Pff, the Romans didn't even come to Britain until 50AD!
Super cool that the coin he found knew it was before Christ.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:40:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
you grew up in a pub?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:31:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm surprised there's not more "inheritance" posts on here. I've come across 2-3 people in my life that spin the "inheritance"s story because its a great way to make friends and get other people to give you things.
The best lie he told me was the time he came into the pub after leaving a tab unpaid for a month or two saying he was going to pay it off at the weekend because he was about to come into some money. He'd just been digging in his garden and he found a small trove of old coins. He knew they were valuable by the dates on them and sent them to the British museum for valuation. He said the finders fee on the oldest one alone could cover the debt 1000 times over. The oldest coin he found apparently had 150 BC written on it
"Please understand, I'm not doubting you, I'm not doubting you at all. I just want to verify that I understand the facts about this rare and priceless coin. You've discovered a coin, minted by a society that [counting off on fingers]:
Accurately predicted the life and death of Jesus of Nazareth,
Foresaw that the most commonly used calendar would begin on the date of his birth, and
Did not consider 150 years to be too soon to become an early adopter of this predicted calendar.
Have you recently had any association with this man? [Picture of Doctor Who appears] Because I must warn you, many of his companions wind up abandoned in some rather precarious situations. We don't like to say it, but it's true. It is true, and it had to be said."
Im afraid my RNGesus days are over. I was killed by Bungie and replaced by microtransactions im now reborn as a slave to RNG just like you for my penance :(
His younger brother was kidnapped and trapped inside a card so when he was about to lose a match where he could gain entry into the castle he stood at the edge of a cliff so that if yugi attacked him the holograms would push him off the cliff. Honestly I miss manga yugi where they would play death games like exploding air hockey.
I also remember a guy driven insane because he was cursed to see garbage as money, so he was rolling around in garbage. One guy stabbed his own hand I think because he was greedy. I remember being shocked at how non-kidfriendly it was.
Yet the son of a gun still counts that as Yugi's loss. What a load, granted the rules were really bizarre back then.
Krzysz · 15 points · Posted at 16:12:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One time that fucker even put 3 Blue Eyes White Dragon's on the field and pretended like the whole thing was normal.
[deleted] · 4 points · Posted at 12:53:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The only bit of Yu-gi-oh I remember as a kid is the one where the guy threatens to kill himself if yugi wins. Was that Seto? And does anyone have a video link?
zlimK · 1 points · Posted at 20:13:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I like this comment because, although you were pointing out how he's almost always referred to as 'Kaiba', all the super weird kids I knew in school were addressed by their last names. Just seems fitting.
My friend was a compulsive liar and also happened to be teaching me YuGiOh. He claimed he spent the weekends going to tournaments and was ranked 3rd in the country. I started having doubts when I managed to beat him after just a few games. Later turned out that he'd been going to tournaments but always lost in the first round.
Best part is I was using his shitty "spare" deck since I had no money for cards of my own. He was an odd fellow.
I think card games just attract compulsive liars. I played "for keeps" at a toys r us pokemon card tournament when I was 12, with an "adult" that my dad inadvertently ended up recruiting into the navy. Beat the guy in a card match and instead of him giving me the Dark Gloom he owed me, instead told me that my Mew card (from the movie) I had wagered was a "counterfeit" and he could tell because he was a professor of Egyptian hieroglyphics, and refused to honor the deal.
Then some years later my buddy really wants me to try yugioh with him. This guy was a regular "Captain Bullshit" who then proceeded to change all the rules around because I was beating him (newbie luck I suppose? It was his deck...). Still ended up winning despite the rules miraculously changing like 10 times - so he decided to vent his anger by trying to push me out a two story window. Pretty lucky that didnt work.
This guy was a regular "Captain Bullshit" who then proceeded to change all the rules around because I was beating him (newbie luck I suppose? It was his deck...).
Similar situation here. "So basically if you play that one card you win the game because it can't be destroyed and nothing can damage you? Sure thing bud."
YES! This is perfect. I knew this guy who said he won some big east coast tournament in Yu-Gi-Oh and got a 1 off card. On top of that he said some guys came to his house with shotguns and stole the card.
I knew a guy who (among hundreds of other increasingly absurd lies) told me that he:
-had sex for 24 hours straight
-While working as a roofer (in 200 degree fahrenheit heat no less) once fell through the roof and landed on a girls bed next to her
-Took a shit so big that it came out of the toilet and he couldn't flush it so his German grandmother had to come into the room and cut it with scissors shouting "Shit devil! Shit Devil!" in German
-Had sex with a girl on the dancefloor of a club, snorting cocaine out of her ass
-abruptly ended a camping trip weekend with friends because he had to get to a fake doctor's appointment
-told us he couldnt feel pain on this same camping trip and picked up a rock that popped out of the campfire ring. He held it for a second. Turns out he could feel pain.
No, the German toilet has a poop shelf, which, in English anyway, is an autological term. It's purportedly for inspection, and the "Ja, das ist gut" pre-flush approval.
Why the downvotes? If I'm wrong, correct me; if there's anything else I'm missing, tell me.
Because he asked for a phonetic spelling and you answered with an even more difficult to read version.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 07:36:46 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's the International Phonetic Alphabet, I just used it since it is pretty unambiguous. Also, it was the first thing I thought of when I heard phonetic spelling, so I probably just misinterpreted that part.
While that might be, most people don't know how to pronounce tʃ. For a scholarly journal your answer might be correct, but it isn't what the standard person is asking for.
my best guess is:
sh-ice t-oi-fell
sh(like shit)-ice('ice ice baby') t(like.. you know.. the letter..)-oi(like the music genre)-fell (like 'fellbeast' in lord of the rings)
-Took a shit so big that it came out of the toilet and he couldn't flush it so his German grandmother had to come into the room and cut it with scissors shouting "Shit devil! Shit Devil!" in German
This has more or less happened to me. :( I have a very long and straight duodenum/colon/whatever is right before the anus and it's not uncommon for me to drop a footlong. When I'm low-carbing, turds will sometimes be so long and so firm that they won't flush without "assistance."
I once shit out this incredible mighty longturd that wrapped around the entire bowl. I almost took a picture of it but didn't, because then I would have a picture of a turd and I'm above all that.
Yep can confirm. When cutting on mostly nothing but protein my shots are even more massive than they usual are. I've had it reach the seat numerous times.
Probably, since the sigmoid colon is only about 4 or 5 inches long. It could be that the turn from your descending colon to your Sigmoid colon is shallow enough that it doesn't break the flow, as it were
Still here? Okay. I've done some butt stuff. One of my exes had a long, straight, and rigid toy that she slid into me literally 16 inches deep before hitting any resistance or giving me any discomfort whatsoever. Even then, it was just like hitting a wall. Do I just have an abnormally shaped colon, or is this gonna be the thing that kills me?
Totally honest mate, if you have lived this long without any complications, there's little chance it will kill you. I am in no way a licensed medical professional, so don't take my word as gospel. But it doesn't seem like you'll have any more trouble than the inconvenience of an occasional actual log coming out of you and the toilet refusing to accept it willingly. All the sigmoid colon is for (from what my schooling has told me anyways) is to redirect the flow from your descending colon to your rectum. So be careful with the butt stuff, and try not to eat anything that seems through common sense to possibly be harmful
If they don't break on the way out I can have some logs too. There's been a few I've had to "cut" with the plunger.
[deleted] · 7 points · Posted at 01:53:27 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Where I used to work, I was chummy with the mailboy / maintenance contact guy. Went down to his office one day to avoid work and talk garbage when he turns around and let's rip with a rant about how he just had to break someone's one foot deuce into flushable fragments. I immediately rattled off ten names of the guys who I thought might be the culprit. He cut me off saying... "nobody said it was in the males toilet". I went from quietly impressed to utterly disgusted. And I still don't know why.
This happened to me today at my girlfriend's family's house. I was just dropping off my girl and really had to go. Anyway, I released a truly rebellious Bastard so just left him chilling. It's a four person household so I'm hoping they just blame each other.
Any road service that works with asphalt has to be kept at about 280 F at all times, and workers basically stand on top of it... roofing is probably similar.
I thought boofing was the act of ingesting substances through one's rectum? Is there a specific term for when one partner farts a puff of cocaine into the face of another partner?
[deleted] · 6 points · Posted at 17:36:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Scheißteufel! Scheißteufel!
pacal0 · 2 points · Posted at 17:35:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
These are the funniest stories to me. It reminds me of an old Monty Python sketch of Michael Palin as a reporter. "Next we have a man who claimed he could recite the entire Bible whilst being struck on the head by a large axe. We have since discovered he was a fraud. He merely recited the first two words, 'in the...' before his death."
One morning while i was living in the college dorms, there was a group of students gathered around the mens bathroom. People from all around campus were flocking to our dorm to check out the MONSTER shit in the bathroom.
That fucker was so long it went down into the hole and was laying along the bottom of the bowl, came up to the rim and was resting on the front of the seat. I shit you not this person had to have been pulling a Randy Marsh ultimate shit. I never thought id ever see one long continuous turd.. SO long that it came out of the bowl.
And the girth. That damn thing was 2 inches wide all the way up. Fucking spackled with little yellow corn nubs. Easily the scariest thing ive ever seen.
The janitorial crew cut it into pieces and had to seperate it between multiple toilets in order to flush this.. Thing. There was applause
Mine has the snorting coke out of strippers asses story too but but uped the ante later when he added the snorting coke from the cleavage of a local federal judge.
To boot, he was a photographer for Playboy, smoked cigars in the Palace with Fidel, has been a cardiologist, brain surgeon and "boob doctor", he's spared with Chuck Norris and won, he tamed a heard of cattle by smacking one on the head with the broad side of a machete (this made them respect him) and (probably my personal favorite) once bagged a 30 pound quail.
That's literally just off the top of my head. We have a book with almost a decade of these stories in it. Could go on for days...
I think OP meant that he was with this guy on this camping trip, where the campfire story happened, and it ended abruptly because he also lied about a doctor's appointment.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:32:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah all of that seems realistic though unlikely, even the pain one, until they found out he can feel pain first hand. There are people who can't feel pain and it's actually dangerous.
Clogging the toilet happens all the time. Working in hot weather... well Australians might need hydration in 200 degrees, would people just burn alive?
His worst character trait is still his use of retarded measurement systems
biddee · 1 points · Posted at 19:09:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Actually, the German grandma bit might be legit. My boyfriend's German aunt came to stay with us in London and I was going to cook them a special dinner so went and got some live lobsters from the fish market. When it came to killing them, I was horribly squeamish about putting them in the boiling water, so was looking for a hammer so I could hammer a knife through their brains. The aunt came in to the kitchen calling me a 'fish killer, fish killer', basically asking if I was looking for something to kill the lobsters - I, however, was horribly traumatized and my boyfriend ended up cooking.
The shit one could be true. I've taken shits that piled up above the water, and I have a friend who regularly has to use an implement to break up his before it will flush.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 19:28:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
oh the monster shit. im a believer. 11th grade. 8:45 in the morning. gotta take a piss. walk to the bathroom. just a normal day. nobody inside, perfect. open hc stall farthest to the right of the room. open stall door. 1000 years of mans ass spews from le toilet. the aroma alone would be able to knock out even scared to look what lies ahead. take a glance. most magnificent totem pole shit basking 4 inches gloriously above the water. has a diameter of 4 inches. no normal man could have done this, not but a monster. fuck it. time for a challenge. summon four.5 inch glory. feel my wrath ye unholy abomination. cut that shit clean in half with tainted jetstream. NEED. MORE. POWER. holds on to side rail for support. shit everywhere. shit has been dominated. kick the flush. punch door open. wash and lather hands. walk out like it was nothing. never told a soul until now.
1) wait, he had sex while snorting cocaine out of her ass? Dude sounds flexible as fuck.
2) I knew a girl who said she couldn't feel pain because she was possessed and I put a hot lighter to her hand (I feel so bad, I was young and awful at the time) and she didn't fucking flinch. Not even a blink. Bitch didn't feel pain!
-Took a shit so big that it came out of the toilet and he couldn't flush it so his German grandmother had to come into the room and cut it with scissors shouting "Shit devil! Shit Devil!" in German
I took a shit once that I had to chop up with a pencil because it didn't flush
Only just realised his came out of the toilet and now Ive told everyone my about my poo
Having sex on a dance floor isn't too absurd. I almost did it before. The only thing that stopped me was that I wasn't drunk enough to not care that it wasn't socially acceptable
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:20:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
had sex for 24 hours straight
I'm a guy with no refractory period and an overactive sex drive. This led to all sorts of problems for me and once led me to jack off for 19 hours straight. Let me tell you, it is possible to have sex for 24 hours straight. What's impossible is finding a woman who's willing to do it. I've yet to find a woman who finds more than 45 minutes of straight sex to be pleasurable.
-told us he couldnt feel pain on this same camping trip and picked up a rock that popped out of the campfire ring. He held it for a second. Turns out he could feel pain.
I wonder if this is my friend because he used this exact same lie to me and tried to prove it in a similar manner.
Jtoad · 1 points · Posted at 21:39:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A bunch of my friends worked at a Wendys. One of the was told to clean the men's room. He went onside then came right back out with a thousand yard stare. We asked him what was wrong, he said go look in the stall. Someone had shit a huge shit. It was sideways. It would bend like a suspension bridge when you flushed. It would not go down the drain. It would not break apart. We were amazed and disgusted at the same time. Someone finally got a plastic knife and slayed the beast. Best day ever.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:39:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The shit thing is so absurd to me, why would you tell someone that if it actually did happen? That would so embarrassing and your asshole would be fucked up. That's such bad choice for a lie.
Ok so about the shit devil, I once had a friend named "David" who ate lots and lots of red meat at yogurt as a kid which I guess give you massive shits. So massive that he woud constantly block the toilet. Well imagine my surprise when I learned that his mother would force him to take a butter knife and cut up his shits before flushing,.
I do remember reading a story on reddit about someone who took a massive dump and then had to cut it up with scissors because it wouldn't flush. No German, name-calling grandma though.
I'd be curious for context on some of these. Sex for 24 hours straight seems plausible given some hydration breaks in between. Not something easily accomplished, or something you'd do all the time, but it's somewhat plausible as long as you don't imagine they're going at the ENTIRE 24 hours. The roofing thing is a bit ridiculous with the heat, but he could potentially fall into her bed. I doubt it would lead to anything, but again plausible. The dance floor thing happens quite frequently, though I'd really hope it's off her ass, not out of it. Ending the camping trip is just a douche move, the shit story is weird as fuck and I'd question the sanity of his grandmother. And the rock one is just beautiful instant justice for claiming to be impervious to pain when you're not lol.
Dexiro · 1 points · Posted at 00:16:57 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Told us he couldn't feel pain... turns out he could feel pain.
I feel like this one is common from compulsive liars, I've heard it a few times.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:27:21 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
It honestly just sounds like this guy does a lot of drugs.
To be fair, I have seen someone clog a toilet with a single turd
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:51:30 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
The shit one is believable. Some lies are grounded in truth.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:16:27 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
At least 2 of those things do actually happen to people from time to time.
exsea · 1 points · Posted at 01:48:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
i m a compulsive obvious liar. i do it to entertain my friends. 5 blatant lies and one trivia i learnt from reddit thrown in. when they doubt it i challenge them to google it. nowadays my friends google what i say whenever i say anything out of fear i m telling the truth
Oh god I used to work with this insanely hot blonde that one time took a shit so big she had to break it up with a stick in order to be able to flush it. I didn't believe her at first but then she showed me pictures and I wished I hadn't been so doubtful.
daytdog · 3021 points · Posted at 10:51:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
That he and his friend have a YouTube channel with 100k subscribers, but he forgot the name since he only does the recording and editing - his friend supposedly uploads the videos. Oh, and he forgot his friend's last name but his first name is definitely John.
I mean, what if they really are? What are they supposed to do? Kill you?
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 13:45:55 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a dude once tell me, in all seriousness, that he could punch my arm and it would break three days later. It was apparently some mystical kung fu he learned from an old guy he couldn't/wouldn't name.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 16:22:08 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Careful. He can kill you in over 700 ways, and that's just with his bare hands.
I went to camp with a kid that claimed he could program in 2 languages. We asked what they were and he said that he forgot because of how long ago he learned (he was 13). So I said, "one is probably the most common language, CSGO and the other is probably DotA or TLoZ" He informed us that he had forgotten that he knew all three.
Idiot ex used to blab all sorts of nonsense and then if you challenged him on anything or asked for clarification you were either "trying to mess with his head", a liar or he "forgot".
If you went back to a point - even one he'd just made a moment ago you were twisting his words....like trying to deal with a 15year old girl during PMS, only 24/7. If attack as defense didn't work he'd escalate into screaming 4 year old complete with smashing things.
At one point he even came out with this gem "well it's your fault for not checking up on me because you should have known I'd lie and you know better than to believe me" What a loser.
My dad is the same way. He lies to everyone about everything including me. I catch him sometimes because he forgets what he's told people and can't keep track. If he smells I caught him, he gets super mad and defensive, says to me I don't know where I heard the information from, and calls me a liar. Go figure.
I am actually a trumpet player. I just suck at it and wish I picked up trombone instead. Then I might have had something in common with the cute redhead back in middle school! Hahaha
I had a Youtube channel that had a few videos with over a million views (back then this was kinda a big deal) and all my videos averaged about 100,000 + views. NOBODY who knew me in real life knew about this channel. I never told anyone about it. I've told a handful of people since then but I wonder if they even believe me. lol I have not logged into it in many years and don't remember the password. haha
[deleted] · -4 points · Posted at 13:24:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I actually have a friend that I've grown up knowing. He has 500k subs and we do actually film shit for his channel all the time. So this isn't that unbelievable
I guess not knowing his name is suspicious though
rob311 · 8 points · Posted at 13:31:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah but I'm sure you know the channel's and your friend's name.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:32:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In university - there was a guy who told all sort of outrageous stories about all the 'chicks he banged' at the bar. All the girl's he would take home.
He was a decent guy outside it, but his stories didn't actually make him sound good in any way. It was just weird he did it.
But it went from just "took home this awesome blonde"
to "met this model and took her home"
to "took home two cheerleaders - yeah man, three way!"
to "man, i stepped it up, 3 chicks at the same time!"
But then, he told us, "You know 'Jane' (not her name, but a girl in one of our labs who we all knew and was very nerdy hot)?"
"Yes..."
"Well she was at the pool hall last night, and she saw me, and came over and wanted to have a game. She was pretty drunk and we got flirting and she actually bet me on a game. If I won she'd..."
anyways the thing is, I can't even remember how it went sadly, but it was MY FUCKING STORY. It'd happened to me the weekend before, and somehow it basically ended up with me striking out (that's the kinda guy I am, I talk about the strikeouts), but it was also a funny story. So I tell my buddies cause I finally have something worth sharing. And here is this asshole telling the story back to me, and EXACTLY THE SAME, even with the way he struck out.
Thankfully our other friend called him out on it. "That was Billbapapa's story man, are you even trying anymore with the shit you make up?"
Guy was mortified, and it somehow went all the way to him crying cause he was a virgin.
No, I swear to god, I had sex with one girl one time and she was like a super model, okay, she was okay looking, okay, she was horrible, but she was female I'm pretty sure and it counts, totally!
nianp · 3 points · Posted at 01:57:36 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Bahahaha. I had a similar thing happen to me. I can't remember what the actual anecdote was but a week later a guy I worked with told the story to a bunch of the female bartenders from our inhouse bar (I was working at a backpacking hostel).
I just let him finish, get whatever kudos was coming to him and then started quizzing him about elements of the story. After a while I got bored, called my friend over from the bar and we outed him.
Thats the thing about compulsive liars, they will steal stories and then forget where they stole it from and tell it like it is their own. I had a friend do this a few times. After a while it's just pathetic.
But I have also talked to a person who claimed they use to be a compulsive liar and say it got so bad they couldn't keep their lies straight and forget who they were lying to about which thing and it became impossible to keep it all straight with different people.... and then later I found out that most of the other things he was telling me in that same conversation on different topics was also lies... that person is my father-in-law.
I have in the past told a story I could have sworn happen to me but as it turns out it happen to my best friend and I was just there. It's weird how your memory can do that too you some times.
at1445 · 1 points · Posted at 07:25:11 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Haha, same thing happened to me in HS. Gotta love when the liars can't even come up with their own stories anymore.
I will never understand why people lie about hook-ups. How can you make up an event of that magnitude and just lie about it and be cool with yourself? Its embarassing and whack when you get caught in a lie like that too. I have a friend who lies about that shit, and I just can't understand it.
I thought this is referring to Barney Stinson until the girl from the lab part...so is your strikeout with Jane because you Mosby-ed her?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 11:53:29 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Haha yep. One of my friends did this to me too, just the same he retold my story to me only 1 week after I told him. On top of being a habitual liar but must have the shortest memory also haha
My roommate told me he filled a metal trash can with "10 pounds of weed" , lit it on fire, and then got high off of the smoke. I don't think he knew how impractical or absurdly expensive that would be, but he insisted that he did it.
Yeah I'm decently close to Mexico and so we get random weed that's just been bricked up real right. So you never know the quality but a lb of just sort weed that is a humble of badass and no high at all is 500.
I knew a pot smoker in highschool who moved to my rich suburban, white city after getting caught drag racing. Apparently weed is roughly 2x as expensive here than in the city, so he and his friends started caravaning marijuana into the city. Motherfucker made enough to buy a mustang in cash at 17.
MRBORS · 4 points · Posted at 16:08:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well you could have been a cross country transporter. If you drive right and don't do anything suspicious it's really easy. I knew someone who was moving about 100lb a month to NYC from LA. They were paying 4K a pound and it cost him like 500 a pound because he had ties to a grower and just pumped out so much fucking product. They split profits 50/50 so bringing in ~130k a month after expenses a piece. I was a month away from getting a 10k a month position with him then he fucked my life.
MRBORS · 2 points · Posted at 18:41:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Basically I was his right hand man doing everything he wanted taking him everywhere he wanted. I could be awake for 36 hours already and he calls me "hey lets go to Vegas, I wanna put my bets in" and I'm there ASAP. He does his thing while I sit back and we come back to Cali. Now I was dropping everything for him and his family and one day when something he had at my house came up missing he went ballistic. So now I'm working "normal" jobs.
These guys are talking about mid to upper quality, it has never been $80 an ounce and never will. Now if you want some regi, it is still around $50-$70 an ounce.
I used to get an ounce of regi for $30, but not any more. It's scarce now, and if I do find it, it's $80 an oz. I can find Colorado dispensary strains for $45 an 1/8th, or decent out door grown for $40 an 1/8th. I live in central Texas
Lol i also live in central texas. Austin to be exact. It is definitely easier to get higher quality, but i still see reg, esp in the smaller/poorer communities within an hour or so of the city.
That's really high in my experience (ha). It's probably good shit. Around my area you're looking at about $80/ounce, and that seems to last most of my people about a week.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:20:19 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That still seems like a lot for only a week's supply. I like beer and the really upper crust stuff is like $20 a six pack where I am at but that is still really trying. Most of the time it is about 10. I mean if it makes you happy I suppose but the price of admission seems like a lot.
I live in Idaho so I only buy illegally, it's cheaper.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:55:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I may or may not have once known a guy that was stupid enough to get Mexican merch fedex'd to him from Texas. if I remember right (this was like 10 years ago) he told me he was paying $250 for a quarter pound.
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 15:08:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
MRBORS · 2 points · Posted at 16:10:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh how Cali stoners are spoiled. I've only gotten seeds once and that was from a 100oz.
You live in Amsterdam? XD $20 USD an ounce for legitimate medical grade (am patient) makes me want to weep with joy. What I get for 20 is lucky to last me three days, amount per cost wise. The typical rate is 10 per gram.
Even being poor is expensive here. It kind of sucks, actually. I'm in Colorado as well, which has full recreational legalization for 21+ years of age. We have a good black market and 10 a gram is pretty damn good for their prices; buying straight legal gets expensive. With people being allowed to grow their own weed up to a certain number of plants and legally able to set up, buying at legal prices is stupid to do. They still have laws against private sales, though. We always "receive a gift and then give a donation" when buying from people.
Totally random, but it is kinda fun. We basically do it in public (the garage is just a roof), with no one bothering us. He's never home, so his driveway is empty, and I don't know how to explain it but the walls are built in a way that doesn't let anyone see us before we see them, so we can smoke and drink there and it is super calm. The guy is cool with it, he got home once and we were smoking and he just parked in his driveway and we said sorry and he just smiled and waved at us. We sit on these big-ass stairs under the guy's door and we play some music and chill until we get bored, then we hang out in the sidewalk in front of another house. It sounds odd because of how the houses in the US are arranged, but it's not as awkward as it sounds, those have been the best times I've had with my friends.
Ah, I see what you meant now. Yeah, in the US this isn't the best idea lmao
I actually hate how housing is done here and I want to fucking move. People are so greedy for space here that it's impossible for people without hundreds of thousands of dollars to own even a very small house with a microscopic yard, and getting that much money without working yourself to death or being very lucky is so hard. Not to mention land taxes, bills, repairs, etc. I wish people were cool about others being in "their" space but most American homeowners are real sensitive about that shit and you're liable to get arrested, threatened/shot or a dog let loose on you depending where you are.
Edit: also worth to note where I live I see people who have many acres of grassland property and the only thing done with it is cut the damn grass when too high and some just let the hay bales made after sit in the field and rot or get wet. They don't even try to sell the grass hay sometimes.
Yeah, I know what you mean, and that's why I don't like the US, too. People critize my country because it has gangs, but the culture is so different and just... nicer
Hahaha, it's not that bad, I live in the US, and trust me, you Americans don't know how to have fun. It is dangerous in most places, but you're okay most of the time, and the people are amazingly kind and fun. It's an incredible place, it's just flawed.
You're talking about stuff that you don't know about. MS13 is not even the actual dangerous gang, I mean, they are, but the Mara 18 is the actual problem. They are a huge problem for businesses, but if you don't live in a dangerous zone (the us has dangerous zones too, is basically the same), they don't bother you much. The country is very nice, really, I know a lot of Americans that simply love it because of how nice, fun and beautiful it is.
dMarrs · 0 points · Posted at 17:59:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Texas. $50-$100
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 19:01:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh my god you Americans and your fucking weight units... I don't even know if an ounce is a lot or not haha
i get shitty weed here in Canada for $120/ounce and really really good shit for $140/ounce. I know that is lucky though cos average is $160/ounce in my area. It is shocking to hear how much other people pay in some places o.O
You get a price break at an 1/8 oz, a full ounce, and a 1/2 pound in my (admittedly limited) experience dealing with real weight. My dude said he was paying 2000-2500/per lb, coming from a recreational state. $4480 is $35 for a cut (1/8 oz) * 8 cuts/oz * 16 oz/lb. That simply can't be true or there would be no profit and a lot of risk to being a dealer and no one would do it.
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 23:16:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Depends on who your buying from. I'm three links down the chain Grower-Dispenser-Seller. But some people have dispensers who dispense to other dispensers. It's like a pyramid scheme sometimes.
OGNips · 0 points · Posted at 23:35:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I can pay $120 an ounce for some decent shit. $200 an ounce is usually club stuff and gets me lit af
I live on the east cost and quality weed is around $40 for an 1/8th for the norm. Little lower if you know some people.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:19:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Illinois, but I live in the cornfield boonies outside Chicago so prices are going to be way different for me, I'm pretty sure I exaggerated and I'm at a shitty end of the market.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:57:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yoooo, how far you from Woodstock?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 19:25:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Little over 100 miles, south of Chicago past Joliet. Didn't know there was a Woodstock, IL
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 19:45:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Green Bay Area is $60 an eighth for decent pot. Hell, some fucks try to pass regg for $50. I don't buy from them
Midwest US. Yah 60 is kind of a standard. I gets o's for three bills though so I guess im right around the 35. Now I feel dumb. 60 is still real common though.
Kentucky I swear is the best bang for your buck. Know a dude that gets them weekly for $900 and it's not reggie. That's the best price I've ever seen though. Usually 1000-1200
Californian here. It doesn't scale linearly like that, though that is how police calculate "street value" of a bust. Lbs sit somewhere between 1000-1600 for outdoor, 1800-2500 for decent indoor. Less if you are selling multiple lbs or to dispenseries.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:10:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
$35 an eighth? how weak is that shit? its $50 for loud stuff here
Where I live people would kill for 35 an eighth lol
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:31:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
$35 an eighth?! Granted I have smoked much in a couple years, but I was paying $60 in PA. $55 if one of my buddies got his hands on a bulk amount and felt like hooking me up.
E: whoops misread what you were saying
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:41:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
At least where I live it's pretty easy to find $600-$800 qps, so 2400 to 3200 a pound
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:44:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's legal to grow 6 or so weed plants for personal use in Washington State, might need a license, not sure. Anyway, a person growing weed plants could easily tear them down and with roots and all could fill up a good portion of a garbage can and it wouldn't cost a lot. Just saying.
If you buy less than three pounds, it's around 1800-2200 per, but more than that and you can pay as low as 1600 per. Prices are averaged from the multiple people I've bought from in multiple states
There are dispensaries in your area but you still choose to buy illegally? I'm super curious as to why that is. I feel like the selection and ease at a dispensary would make it much more appealing
Because my friend sells/buys enough to our core group so he can smoke for free, it's delivered to my house, and the price difference/quality between dispensaries is minimal.
Also, it's like a 15 year thing we've had, so I just keep it going.
That's what I used to do, by large amounts and sell it to my small group of friends for just enough that they weren't getting ripped off and I was smoking for free. It's a damn good setup and everyone ends up better off. I don't live in a place where its been legalized but I just figured that the dispensaries would have a better/higher quality selection. Especially since my hookups were sometimes hit and miss.
because my dealer has better prices and better quality. Choice is fine if your choices are good. But to choose between okay, and slightly better, at more expensive than street value is not a choice i'd like to make.
That makes sense. I haven't smoked for a few years but when I did I'd have to get lucky with which dealer I hit up. It was never shitweed but on the occasions that the guy had just gotten a new batch in and knew exactly what it was I was a much happier Walrops Hunter
Dispensaries are relatively new where I am and still technically illegal. Most people have a pre-existing relationship with a dealer, so just find it easier to stick to the tried and true.
Pounds in Canada go for about $1000-1600 depending on the market. If you find a grower trying to clear out, you can even negotiate the price point down. The price of weed some places is ridiculous, but its Canada. Cocaine is ridiculously expensive in Canada, so the dealers here in BC like to use cocaine as currency.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 15:04:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In the Midwestern US you're looking at about 270/Oz for good quality stuff. That's 35/eighth at the ounce level so it'd damn well better be cheaper than that at the pound level
If you're buying from somewhere legal, 10lbs is like 7k~ iirc
Chazae · 1 points · Posted at 16:10:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Prices in Bellingham, WA are stupid low. Dispensaries have to compete with other non-legit dealers. As a result it's usually 20$ an 1/8th :)
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:26:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Actually, that is a really bad price point for bulk. SWIM used to buy an ounce of good quality for $150-200, coming to the cost of the weed at $18.75-25. Even applying that to a pound, without a discount, would be $24k-32k. Someone mentioned a price at $1,500/lb which sounds much closers to a reasonable discount.
On another note, keep buying dimes for $20. Please. It is definitely a good price. Do not do the math on this.
You shouldn't be paying more than $40 these days for good quality pot. I havn't seen $50 since like 2005.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:32:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Horrible price. Pounds typically go between 2000 and 3500 depending on bulk and how direct you get it from but thats just what i heard one time so idk.
Rerun your numbers knowing that people buy weed in bulk for actually profitable amounts. A lb goes for about 2100-2500 for beautiful product where I'm from. 5lbs for 1800 per lb. Paying 35 per 1/8 would cripple the flower delivery men I know.
35 is an awful price point for an eighth when you're dealing in bulk. I don't buy in bulk past an oz and I pay less around 40 for an eighth alone, 240 for an oz. Got it for 180 one time but it was lower quality, not quite mids
But when you buy weight it doesn't break down like that. A gram which would normally be $10-20 now costs $1. APPP is $2-3k. Buying 10 pounds drops that to maybe $800-900/pound.
I'm in a state that doesn't even border a state with legal medical, $60 is pretty standard for 1/8 but its usually pretty good quality or at least upper mids.
Upshft · 0 points · Posted at 15:28:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
64k would be 64000, with three 0's. Your math comes out to 6.4k.
cavfox · 1 points · Posted at 16:15:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In the future read the parent article so you can be a part of the discussion. The story references 10lbs. 6400/lb x 10 = 64000
daviep · 0 points · Posted at 15:29:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Just a heads up, you know, for the future, k, as in 45k, means thousand, so $45,000 not $4,500. Shortened, $4,500 would be spoken as 45 hundred.
cavfox · 1 points · Posted at 16:16:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not understanding your point. This is based on 10lbs, as per the story... soo... 4500/lb x 10 = 45000 or "45k"
daviep · 1 points · Posted at 21:08:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sorry, I'm retarded. I misread, thought it said 45k per pound. I'm just special.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 13:58:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It'd probably be about 2k a pound, totaling 20k. Still
Sounds about right, when I used to buy it 10 years ago or so it was about £200 an ounce, convert that to 10 pounds and it comes out at £32,000 and that was 10 years ago, inflation yo.
It's 4.5 kilos. In the UK a kilo could be sold for minimum £7000, that's £31,500, that's $46,000. In much of Europe a gram costs 10 euros. That's 45,000 euros, or $50,700. The maths checks out. Remember this is the sales price, assuming those 10 pounds were broken into small bags and sold to users. The buying price will be roughly 30-40% less than the sales price.
Where I am it's usually $10/g. 4535.9 grams in 10lbs so $45,359.00. At 10lbs though you would probably get a discount but more likely caught and sent to prison (not legal where I am).
Ounce is 200-300, qp (quarter pound) is 800-1000, etc. You're getting badly ripped off if you're paying 1k over, or you haven't bought from your plug long enough to get a deal.
Source: friend used to reup on quaps for 800, asked his dude one time what a p sold for.
IL710 · 1 points · Posted at 18:14:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
No, it would be much less. Anyone buying bulk is going to get a large bulk pricing discount compared to price per 1/8 oz. A pound usually never costs more than 3500-4k. If we're talking 10 lbs there would be an even more significant price cut, to the point where each pound would come out to anywhere from 1-2.5k (this goes for recreational, medical, and illegal cannabis) So while the average person may only pay $40-$50 for an eighth of an ounce, it probably only cost their dealer about $10-$20. That is if he is smart enough to cut costs buying in bulk.
Edit: I'm talking USD
Hjf615 · 1 points · Posted at 18:34:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
it shouldnt be this expensive.... dont ask why i know
Do you understand there is a difference between $45K and $4.5K? Great, cause $45K is $45,000 and 4.5K is $4,500. The difference between and new truck and used Civic.
I can get a pound for $1600-$1800. Dispensaries usually buy pounds for around $2000-$2200. But this is Oregon where it's legal.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:34:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's super expensive. It's more closer to $3500 for top shelf (At least here in California). And you can get it a lot cheaper too if you know people.
In nor cal an ounce is 100-150, so more like 24,000. Also if you were buying 10 pounds you could probably get an ounce for 50-70 for a bulk discount. I've never bought 10 pounds but I imagine you would get hooked up for bulk like that.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:35:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
At least where I am a pound of cheeb is about $2500 depending on what it is
I don't know about the prices in other states, but it goes for about 800 to 1200 use per pound here in Oregon. That is black market price. Legal weed is in between 17 an 25 a gram. Sometimes cheaper, sometimes more expensive.
Lol, in 96 I could get a pound of dro or good for 600-800. Ounces were 90-125 and an elbow was 250.
Quality has gotten a little better but price is real high right now. I don't even smoke but I get some real good stuff for free and I get it for friends and it's 650 a qp which is ridiculous to me.
I've gotta ask, and if you don't feel comfortable answering I totally get it, but where do you live? If a grower could get 650 for a QP here in California they would be over the moon.
Ah, the market must be very different out there. Good for the growers out there!
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 10:16:32 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dude, those are the prices I remember too. Everyone here is putting out all of these ridiculously high prices. I'm in Southern Nevada and I don't remember ever paying more than $100 for an ounce. This thread is confusing to me. Are these pot shop prices that people are talking about?
I'm sure the Marijuana in Nepal is shit compared to the indoor-grown chronic a lot of us are used to. Not sure it'd be worth smoking no matter how cheap it was...
My older brother once claimed he could chain smoke 6 blunts of the dankest weed and not even catch a buzz. Truth is, he rarely smoked and had far less tolerance than most. When he said it, the rest of us laughed our asses off.
It's not completely outside the realm of possibility. Assuming perhaps he was involved in a grow operation. There's a certain amount of waste plant matter after removing the "buds". Leaves, stems and even seeds are undesirable to sell and could presumably be given away for next to nothing.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:03:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 11:49:51 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah... I knew a guy who would literally get shopping bags for of it for a few dollars a bag. It's not worth that much and some people just wanna get rid of it because it's basically evidence they're growing it. You can still get high off it, best way is to extract the oils and bake them in brownies or something, but it's much more dilute than the buds
Knew a guy who burned NorCal grows for the Marine Reserves. Burned large amounts. Like 100s of pounds. Now that I am writing this on this post, I have to ask if maybe he was a compulsive liar. Oh boy... Time to go read more MHE.
I'd love to use some piping and a heat gun to vaporize a trash can of weed. That would be one hell of a party. Would probably need some sealed windows though.
So, my friend's cousin lives in a jurisdiction where growing weed for personal consumption is legal, but selling it is not, and the number of plants you're allowed to grow is absurdly high.
He has more weed than he can give away, and has filled up multiple large trash cans with it many pounds of the stuff.
Whether or not he's lit it on fire and got high off it, I don't know.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:08:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was gonna go to class but I got high...I coulda cheated and I coulda passed but I got high
I'm pretty sure this happened on the movie Neighbors w Seth Rogen
jhn107 · 1 points · Posted at 00:12:09 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
The police in my hometown once made a huge bust in the national forest. The confiscated over a 1000 fully grown plants then proceeded to burn them in the city incinerator. The entire town had a contact high.
mzchen · 1 points · Posted at 00:53:02 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Once weed is legal and you can get middies for dirt cheap I dream of actually doing this one day. Like I'll just get the Popov of weed and be king for a day and have a weed pyre. I'm gonna box the whole fucking house!!!!!
In college we used to tailgate at my buddy's dad's spot because his dad would claim all the booze when the cops came around. It was never a problem, but the dad had a buddy and that buddy had a kid who was about 14. The 14 year old kid, trying to impress some college kids, tells us that he's got some weed with him and asked if we wanted to smoke. So we said sure, and walked off to a secluded area where the kid pulls out a bag of oregano. We told him it was oregano and he insisted it was weed so we walked away. Later that day he came back and told us he was high and that he, "Smoked that shit out of my hand."
Luwi00 · 1 points · Posted at 10:20:08 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well he might ment regular weath? not actual weed... and got high because he got a smoke poisoning?
Otherways I am calling bullshit. I have seen several tons of weed so from m.E.
1 KG of weed is at least a 10 liter trashcan full, depending if you pressed it or not, but 5 kg weed no fucking way, as soon as you light that shit on fire it would "overflow" because of the expension, it does not stay pressed.
I think 10 pounds of weed would be bigger than a metal trash can.
rylos · 0 points · Posted at 15:41:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have no idea how much it weighed, but back in the 70s, my sister & I took a small bale of weed that my dad had stashed in the garage, stuck it in the trash barrel in the back yard, built a fire under it, and went elsewhere. I have no idea what the people of the neighborhood thought about it, but nobody ever complained.
My dad was dead-set against people smoking dope & doing drugs, I have no idea where it got the weed from. Theory is that he probably swiped it from some guys just getting their crop in, just to piss them off.
Actually, where I'm from that wouldn't be expensive at all. You could easily and legally grow that in your backyard in about five months. You could easily have enough leftover to last you 'til next season. I could see some people I know doing this simply because they can't move it and don't want to hold it.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 06:54:15 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Most people don't count the whole stalk and leaves in the weight...
Friend at school told everyone that he was in a band and they'd recorded a song, and asked if we wanted to hear it. He had the lyrics handwritten on a piece of paper and the recording (which him and his band, that we had somehow never heard about before, had apparently done at a big expensive studio in London) on his mp3 player.
He hands me an earphone and tells me to let him know what I think of it, and to be honest...
And plays She Fucking Hates Me by Puddle Of Mudd...
Ah yeah a girl in my high school used to tell everyone that Tom DeLonge was her cousin and that sometimes she would cover for him if he didn't want to play a show. On monday mornings she would be like "ugh God I'm so tired. I had to play a show with Blink in Berlin last night and I just got back a few hours ago..."
Edit 5 hours later: I just realised how disappointing it would be if you shelled out to go to a Blink 182 gig back in the day and instead of Tom DeLonge you have an overweight, spot-ridden teenaged girl from Scotland fronting the show. And no, we never called her out on any of the rubbish she used to chat.
Did anyone ever pull up their tour schedule to prove she was lying? Like "Oh, they were playing in Berlin, you say? Well that's odd, because their website says they were in Omaha!"
I remember when my cousin tried to climb the wall and escape to West Omaha. We screamed and begged the guards "Don't shoot!" but they didn't care. They laughed the whole time. Mein Gott, the blood...
zelet · 5 points · Posted at 01:47:19 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
If you aren't from Omaha you just fell into a hilarious joke on accident. Nobody in Omaha will go to the side of town that they aren't from. Nobody will cross 72nd street. West Omaha is white bread, boring republicans and midtown/downtown is nothing but gangs.
Well duh, of course they said they were in Omaha, that's the fake band they use as body doubles so that the real band can travel and play without fear of their safety!
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 17:16:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Then she can call you out on bullshit, because nobody ever comes to Nebraska.
"They played one of those secret shows. You now how the Foo Fighters sometimes do? Well my brother calls me up and asked me to fill in because of how tired he was from touring. Blah blah I'm a stupid cunt who lies to make myself more interesting than I actually am because the reality of the situation is that despite what I've been told, I'm a totally average person. And that's not okay. So I lie to other people hoping they don't see how broken and unfulfilled I feel knowing I'm just like everyone else. "
I imagine I'm paraphrasing that last bit. I'm not the OP but I know someone that does the exact same shit.
It would have been easy to call her out on it but I don't think that's very kind. People who make up these kinds of fake life stories are obviously dealing with personal stuff (feeling inadequate, unpleasant home life, low self-esteem) so it's probably better just to smile and nod. Even when the lie is so frustratingly obvious that you want to strangle them. I don't know...she was a nice person and her stories were entertaining at least.
Yeah, I get that. I've had friends like that, too. If you don't know them that well, definitely just smile and nod, but if you're closer to them, you can usually gently talk to them about why they are the way they are and help them out.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 19:34:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A girl at my school told me that she's friends with the Linkin Park singer and hangs out with him all the time and I believed her because I'd never heard of Linkin Park and assumed it was just a local garage band.
My girlfriend and I told everyone my cousin was Alex Lifeson from Rush. Someone even signed my yearbook with "Say hi to Alex for me!"
Another girlfriend and I would tell wild stories in the girls' locker room just to freak people out. We were metalheads and liked getting reactions from people. I have a scar on my shoulder from a bike accident when i was about 12, so we start talking: "Hey, remember that one weekend when we were in Miami picking up that coke?" "Yeah, and man, I can't believe I got away with just this scar from the knife that guy had!" "Damn, that was a great weekend, we just gotta get smarter about our buys..." Just to be "edgy teens." Ah, the good old days.
I knew a kid who claimed he was best friends with Daniel Radcliffe. You know, because the British star of Harry Potter totally used to hang out in suburban New Mexico on the weekends.
I was friends with a new kid on my small hometown who claimed to be Jewel's much younger brother. This was in like 1997. I loved her and wanted to believe, but then he moved away and we really only ever referred to him as the kid who lied about being Jewel's brother. Turns out he was actually her half brother. I found a picture of them together on her website or something a few years back and found an old poetry book she had dedicated to him.
Oh shit. I bet nobody ever believed him because of the one million other cases when someone says they're related to a celebrity and it turns out to be bullshit. He's forever known as a liar. Poor guy haha. Well, at least you know he was honest.
Sure. But even the part about him being her cousin is unlikely since I went to high school in the rural north of Scotland.
[deleted] · 1021 points · Posted at 11:46:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's when you just go with it and say you're cousins looking for a band for her grad party or your uncles a producer. Tell them they're so good your giving them their number no matter what they say, because they just need to be heard.
One time a guy who was into my sister messaged her an "original" poem meant to show her how deep and tortured he was. One quick google search revealed it to be the lyrics from "45" by Shinedown.
[deleted] · 7 points · Posted at 19:19:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I once wrote some slipknot lyrics in the back of my science book, and about a week later my teacher held me back after the lesson to make sure I wasn't suicidal, he told me I was writing 'some pretty disturbing poetry' lol
haha similar story, I would write slipknot lyrics on a piece of paper I used for a bookmark, teacher took it from me as I was doodling on it during class. Teacher didn't ask me if I was suicidal or anything just took it, looked at it, kind of made this horrified look and scoffed, and when I asked for it back after class she just glared at me and told me off..
Oh, it's cocaine alright. You have to ask them for the Bolivian girl.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 13:49:53 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Back before my wife was my wife and before we got together, some guy wrote out a poem for her from a Stephen King book and tried pass it off as his own.
Ha! Did she tell you how it played out? I always want to know how these people try to redeem themselves.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:59:47 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I she told me that she called him out on it, naming the book (It), and saying she knew he didn't write it. I don't know if she didn't tell me much beyond that or whether I've forgotten details, but I do remember that he doubled down and insisted he wrote it. That's about it.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 17:48:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
These people are masters at weaseling out of things when they're called on their lies. I used to work with a girl who claimed she spoke 14 different languages fluently (in addition to other insane untruths). One day I come across a phrase in Russian in my editing and asked her to translate it for me and she just half made something up for show and said "some of the words have no English equivalent" because other people were watching. I sent it to a friend who actually spoke Russian and he easily translated it.
You will not believe this, maybe, but I saw a woman in the Phillipines sing Whitney Houston songs better than Whitney herself. I say she was definitely worth recording, her voice was amazing and her English was flawless.
My buddy wrote a pretty weird poem called Smells Like Teen Spirit in the eighth grade. Dude must've been unhinged because he talked about loading up on guns and then started fixating about mosquitos and mulattos.
That's weird, my uncle knew this extremely tall Croatian guy in high school that was in a band, who said he had a band-mate just like this. Something about the bandmate being stupid and contagious, and apparently he was always demanding people to entertain them when the Croatian guy would hang out with him and this other dude
I was just kidding around because his lyrics are stupid. You're right, though, I should have gone with a better joke. Just a lazy jab at Kurt's writing.
[deleted] · 158 points · Posted at 13:21:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend got romanced by a guy who write 'Dear Amelia Count me in' for her.
Literally just sent her the lyrics to Dear Maria with her name in them and covered it badly over an instrumental.
YYHBHH · 52 points · Posted at 16:56:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Holy crap, you just reminded me of a random guy that did this to me too. If I recall correctly he played me a song by The Rasmus. He was trying to pick me up.
I used to use that song as my alarm in the morning. The first bit of it does sound like an alarm clock, so I'd get angry at it, but then the rest of the song would come in and I'd be happy.
Or at least that's how it worked for the first week or so. After that it was just more anger.
God I had the same thing. I was 15 or something and had met this guy in a club. He told me over MSN or ICQ or whatever that he had written a song for me and just started typing the words of some super popular song that EVERYONE knew. Hilarious.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 23:32:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Mine claimed the Violent Femmes. I had drinks with him a few years ago and he cringed over the memory, so there's that at least (we were like 14 and 16).
Once I met a group of kiwis when I was younger and I put on a NZealand accent while I hung out with them. I had to come clean as I couldn't keep up the farce. I was lame haha
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 00:05:31 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend whose dad was in a band, and this was common knowledge in our group. One day we were looking at CDs and one of them picks up a CD and goes "Holy shit, it's (friend's name)'s dad's band!" It was The Offspring.
Had a co-worker give me a ride home a couple times, spread out over the course of a few months. On one ride he introduces me to August Burns Red and plays one of their more popular songs (I can't remember which) and attempts to sing along and air drum with the breakdown. A month or so later he shows me his bands "demo." Not only does he play the same song, but he air drummed the same way at the same breakdown.
A guy I knew in high school told all of us he not only wrote but also did the original vocal recordings of the song "Demons" by Imagine Dragons. Now he was actually a talented singer and ID was still a nobody band at the time so we initially believed he was telling the truth. As soon as the song became popular the first thing I did was look up the writers credit for the song which he obviously was not on. When asked about it he told me he was currently suing the band
Band mate claimed to have set up a gig with Train who wasn't in the area and gotten us a $200,000,000 record deal. We didn't have a drummer yet and hadn't played a single show.
An old friend did this but used songs nobody had heard like unsigned artists from round the world, it clearly wasn't him but he ended up paying people to make 'live recordings' and upload them to YouTube. It was just the song playing in the background while they had there phone in there pocket. He did a lot of other stuff some really got to me. He is a dick, we are no longer friends.
Lol I had someone do that with Living Dead Girl by Rob Zombie. That got me to ask "why don't I listen to more Rob Zombie?" So I started into a small Rob Zombie phase.
I remember someone in reddit saying on a thread on "ask reddit", about their biggest teen shame, that he made a dumb recording of himself singing that song to his crush. I think you might be the liar we're looking for...
Kind of similar-- if anyone remembers the episode of As Told by Ginger where Ginger writes a depressing short story and gets sent to a therapist?? Well my friend back in elementary school shows me a file on her computer that she says got her sent to a therapist. I read it and...same story. I tried calling her out on it but she got mad at me for not believing it. I let it go, it was and still is the only time she did something like that.
Woah, almost sounded like my friend. He claimed he was in a band all through middle and high school and in 8th grade he says his band did an amazing cover song.... Then plays me "chop suey" by system of a down.
Ha! I actually knew Wes Scantlin between the original local radio success and the reformation of the band that took him national, and I turned down playing with him in the band to go to school right before he left KC for good. Probably my one shot at fame.
My friend once did a similar thing, claiming to have thought up some clever lines overnight. He proceeded to rap Triumph by Wu-Tang Clan in front of me.
He could have been fucking with you. I'd do things like that to fuck with people in HS.
Kattou · 742 points · Posted at 13:23:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ah yes, I knew one of these guys through a MMORPG we both played. We were good friends for a while, and he always had a lot of stories to tell. Most of the time these stories would be a bit over the top. They were usually pretty obviously fake, but they were not completely unfeasible. Well, except for one.
See, apparently he was quite the psychological genius. In fact, he was so smart that he had created a complete map of how the human mind works. With this map, he was able to completely simulate a human personality, and so he could apply it people and predict their every reaction to a situation. Using that knowledge, he could create so called "master plans", which he'd use to get exactly what he wanted from anyone through a set of elaborate actions.
It's a pretty neat ability to have, but I'm not sure why he'd use it to make me think he's full of shit.
It's all part of his Masterful Megaplan (Patent Pending).
[deleted] · 24 points · Posted at 23:01:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I smell an anime plot
[deleted] · 28 points · Posted at 00:38:44 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's a pretty neat ability to have, but I'm not sure why he'd use it to make me think he's full of shit.
lol!
[deleted] · 12 points · Posted at 23:09:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Omg this sounds like something I did. Sorry friendo. If it's any consolation (and I hope it's not me), the MBTI studies show some pretty interesting correlations between behaviors but it still takes knowing the person to know how they'll react in a situation. At most it could give you a +3 roll to insight.
Me too, and I made the same realizations that you did. Years ago, I was obsessed with the MBTI, body language, facial expressions, etc. when I began to struggle with social anxiety. I wanted to categorize everything so that it wasn't so overwhelming to talk to strangers after being fairly isolated for months– I had been a social kid but I was scared that I just lost my ability to hold a conversation and started 'researching.' I'm still very conscious of how I and how other people present themselves, but it doesn't distract me from the dynamic nature of my relationship with other people anymore. It's easier for me to make close bonds with many people I have little in common with, although it doesn't come as naturally as it did when I was a teen. When I first started joining the real world again, I would compartmentalize everyone and even resort to dichotomous thinking, mostly over ideological differences (I still struggle with this if I know about the ideological difference before getting to know the person). People surprise me all the time and I try to keep my introspection from taking over my interactions and my relationship with others.
Kattou · 3 points · Posted at 23:49:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ah, I'm not really surprised that there's some actual research on it. However, this research was apparently something he had done himself. In fact, he once mentioned that it was the fruits of "10 years of research". Nevermind the fact that he was 17 when he said that, but hey.
As for whether it's you, I highly doubt it. You wouldn't be questioning it, considering I have almost the same name here as in the game.
And if it is you, I'm pretty sure that we'll have to fight to the death now that we've made contact. Due to circumstances we're not exactly best of friends anymore.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:06:21 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Lol I don't think I had a falling out with him but yeah there are some people who "learn" that way who develop patterns, and basically if their Fi/Fe (sympathy and empathy, roughly) are not built up, they have no remorse or understanding the nature of their acts. It's something you notice in brains that remain immature into adulthood as well. Of course, you hope by about 25-30 everyone's learnt to be a decent human being.
Also I didn't know anything about that stuff at 17 for sure!
Please be his friend. I pray to the gods of reddit
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 05:38:14 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I cast wish. I can now read and control everyone's mind like Xavier can in Cerebro. Game over, bitches. (And for anyone with loopholes around my wish, I hired a lawyer.)
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 07:28:44 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
this comment is so meta it sounds like you're trying to imply that you're talking about yourself and that this comment is one of your shit ass 'elaborate actions'. wow. so 'elaborate' dude
The guy I used to share a cubicle with was a compulsive liar. Just a few of his choice lies:
In a college philosophy course, he asked the professor "How do I know if the blue I see is the blue you see?" Apparently, this "blew his mind", upsetting him so much that he retired early.
He can bench press 1,000 pounds, and could do even more if he didn't have gout.
He can "read" print with his fingertips, like Daredevil.
He's so good at picking up women that he stopped doing it because it got boring.
He used to be involved in a dog fighting ring, and his dog would never lose, because he taught it hypnosis.
I now have this hilarious image of an old college professor at home, rocking back and forth staring at something blue, muttering 'How do I know it's blue?!' over and over...
I now have this hilarious image of an old redittor at home, rocking back and forth staring at Eiffel 65, muttering 'How do I know it's da ba dee or ba da dee?!' over and over...
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 11:12:08 on June 29, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's called Metamerism I think, you learn this in High School if you have filosophy. It's a very standard theory. That is indeed obviously a fake story.
The weird image I get from this is a dog very similar to that excessively-buff one that was floating around on reddit a while back -- only able to hypnotize people
I imagine this guy saying something like this in a lecture, and the professor (forehead slapping) saying, "you know Biff, you're going to be the reason I retire early." So... That one -could- be realistic in that sense....
The image that stuck in my mind is of a vicious pit bull (or whatever fighting dog, I love pits) waving a pocket watch in front of the other dog with the little spirals in his eyes.
In a college philosophy course, he asked the professor "How do I know if the blue I see is the blue you see?" Apparently, this "blew his mind", upsetting him so much that he retired early.
Lol, philosophy professor has mind blown by material covered in every 1st year philosophy course. It's funny because I can see how a dumb person could think he was the first to come up with this.
Dubanx · 372 points · Posted at 16:18:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know. This isn't even philosophy 101. This is like, pre-philosophy courses that EVERYONE has heard before.
I thought of it when I was seven. When I was five I thought I'd be able to levitate if I got strong enough to pick up a plank I was sitting on. Maybe if I can bench 500 kilos.....
[deleted] · 23 points · Posted at 19:49:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When I was 10 I came up with the brilliant idea that since you can put electricity into an electric motor and get rotation out of it, then maybe if you put rotation into it you'll get electricity out. Well, it worked and oh yeah I was gonna be rich! Free electricity if only I didn't get so tired pedalling the bike.
Damn I was late on this one, I came up with that at 12. My parents never pulled me aside to explain the 2nd law to me. Or to explain that I wasn't a genius.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 04:47:50 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Eh, adults are still intrigued by the concept of qualia. We really have no way of knowing if the way we experience, say, color, matches the way others experience it.
Heh, for me it was playing a word-hunt game, clicking randomly, acidentally completing a word, and Googling to find out WTF a qualia is.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 00:50:06 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Well, yes, but an introductory philosophy programme might give it its formal name: the mutant problem, along with its brother, the zombie problem.
The zombie problem is that I can assert that you are just an automaton - that you react like a real person, but have no 'real' inner being - and it's tough for you to prove otherwise. The mutant problem is that I can assert that when I break your nose, you react like you're in pain, but a 'mutation' means that your brain is actually perceiving pleasure, despite responding with the same movements, cries and expressions that signify hurt.
Zombies and mutants pose all kinds of interesting questions. For example, if I, as a mutant, announce, 'I love this smell', sniffing coffee beans - but as a mutant, actually mean that I absolutely hate it - is that statement truthful, lying, and does it still have meaning? These seem straightforward, but each answer ends up throwing up awkward corner cases. The point is: there is a mature body of literature on mutants, and anyone doing the first year of a philosophy degree is probably going to encounter it.
I'm sure I got this question at least once a quarter when teaching any intro-level philosophy course. It got to where I would address these sorts of questions in the first class session.
It's not even a hypothetical. Colorblindness is a thing. On a very practical level, we know for a fact that some people don't see color the same way most people do.
hilib · 1 points · Posted at 04:36:59 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
aka first time a 14 year old gets stoned.
[deleted] · -9 points · Posted at 19:44:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
Dubanx · 10 points · Posted at 22:10:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Uh, we know for a FACT that the same food can taste two different ways to two different people, based on genetics. Phenylthiocarbamide is an extremely well known an undeniable example of this.
Different people do experience the same sense differently. It's the reason why certain vegetables can taste painfully bitter to some people and not to others.
Your argument is clearly wrong, and there's no reason to think perception of color can't depend on genetic factors rather than being something universal.
jrlp · -5 points · Posted at 22:50:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That doesn't work for color. We know what colors are, because they are directly measurable. Colors are our perception of different wavelengths of light. We know what pigments respond to which frequency or combinations of, and agreed upon color. Red is 600-680mm. Blue is 430 to 490nm out so. The receptors in our eye are sensitive to only a range of frequencies.
We can measure and test. Blue is blue. If you would like some reading, the wiki article for color vision and color perception is great. the physiology of color perception is a well studied science by many different types of doctors and scientists.
Dubanx · 3 points · Posted at 00:59:26 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not to mention who knows what's going on in our heads with how our brains process said information.
People who were blind from birth and given sight by science frequently struggle to use and understand their newfound vision because they never developed it as babies. This definitely lends credence to the idea that some aspects of vision is learned and developed rather than hard wired.
That argument is bullshit frankly. The point of the question is to ask ourselves "how do we know that we see the same colour", the response "We probably do because we're genetically similar", isn't really good enough to put the argument to bed.
To be fair, the inverted colour problem isn't a "grade school" level problem in philosophy. However, asking a Phil prof if he knows about it is a bit like asking a Chem prof if he knows what a covalent bond is. It's an age old philosophical problem going back hundreds of years, and a start point for many people in their first philosophy lecture. There are hundreds of books written solely on that problem, and people have dedicated their whole careers to looking at how it can be solved.
Could you describe the problem and possible solutions to it?
I've always wondered about that. Just because we agreed that a certain wave length is a certain colour, does it really mean every person actually sees the same colour if looking at the same wave length?
As for solutions there a lot of them, and I can't remember them all, but I can outline what do remember.
1) Direct realism - direct realism is the belief that when you look at the red ball you really are, contrary to what many people think, experiencing the red light frequency I described in my previous post. In this sense, the quality of "redness" that you perceive when looking is the same thing as the light waves. If we take this point of view, then colour inversion is impossible since we are both directly experiencing the same objective property of the universe directly.
To understand the next argument I'll have to introduce a concept called qualia. Qualia is the term philosophers call perceptual qualities such as "redness", differentiated from the the objective thing "red light", which would be defined as "light waves within a frequency band x - y".
2) Functionalism - qualia are properties of or arising from functional states. This is rather complicated to go into, also bear in mind its been a long time since I was at university so I've forgotten most it. However, this solves the problem by basically saying that the qualia, "redness", you experience is a property of your belief state of mind that says "I can see a red thing". The ultimate conclusion of this line of thought is that colour inversion is impossible, because provided that we both say "I am seeing a red thing", since the "redness" qualia is a property of that belief state, then we must both be having the same qualitative subjective experience of the qualia "redness" because we both believe that we're seeing something red.
3) Representationalism - qualia are a property of, or identical with, some kind of mediating entity, that we perceive when red light enters our eyes. That is to say that "redness" belongs to, or is, some kind of representation that our mind creates when we are around red light, so our whole lives we go around never really seeing red objects, but rather representations that our mind creates for us so that we are able to interact with the world in a way our mind can understand. If this is the case, then it's very much possible that my experience of redness is similar or the same as your experience of blueness, and that our experience of colour is inverted.
These are really just a few of the possible solutions that philosophers have tried. Also bear in mind that I'm painting with very broad strokes here, and in reality there are dozens of variations, and each philosopher conceives of each variation slightly differently. Real problem is that each solution has its own set of strengths and weakness, and each solution just ends up with more seemingly irreconcilable problems. What a philosopher ultimate concludes is usually to do with which theory he believes has the least bad problems, rather than there really being a solution. If you ever study philosophy at a university level you'll find it's just endless layers of problems, we find a way to solve one problem, but it just creates a new one. There's no real answer to any of it.
No worries, if you're in knowing more you might want to look up the argument from hallucination, since that's a crucial part of the debate.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 21:20:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I know I'm not the original dude, but I love this topic and wanted to add my two cents (if it matters, although I feel cringey adding this, I'm a philosophy PhD student specializing in philosophy of mind). There are two major forms of the spectrum problem; the first is called the "inverted qualia problem," and the second is called the "absent qualia problem."
"Qualia" is used here as a technical term for the qualitative properties associated with a particular mental state--roughly, the way that mental state feels when it occurs. There are intuitively all sorts of qualia--the myriad qualities of pain (searing, throbbing, biting, etc.), temperature sensations (warmth, chilliness, etc.), internal sensations of hunger, balance, muscle flexion, and body position, orgasm, the fine-grained qualities associated with sound (tone, timbre, pitch), smell (pungency and pleasantness), and taste (bitterness, savoriness, sweetness) and, relevantly, visual qualia. Somewhat controversially, there are qualia associated with color sensations--"what it is like"/"what it feels like" for you to see the color red, for instance. These are the qualia to which the inverted and absent qualia problem apply.
At a first pass, the inverted qualia problem is this: it seems logically possible that a complete duplicate of you--with the same genetics, the same neurophysiology, the same psychological (but non-qualitative) states (beliefs, desires, etc.), the same environmental upbringing, and so on, might, when faced with some object, experience its color properties differently than you. More simply, they might have had a red quale (singular) even though you have a green one. More generally, the qualia associated with the primary colors might have been systematically inverted: their red qualia are my green qualia, their blue qualia are my yellow qualia, and so on.
The absent qualia problem is almost identical, except that my duplicate has no qualia whatsoever. If you have ever heard of philosophical "zombies," this is precisely what was being talked about (although other kinds of zombies are conceivable--duplicates without pain, internal, sound, smell, and taste qualia, for instance).
There are a few things to distinguish about this problem. First, it is not explicitly an empirical issue. It is therefore not sufficient to solve this problem by pointing to underlying genetics, neurophysiology, and psychology. Here is why.
The problem is not that there are empirical regularities which correlate perfectly with qualia. Everyone in the dispute agrees that my green quale occurs only when certain cone cells in my retinas transduce light energy, translate the energy signals into electro-chemical information, send the information through the visual pathways, integrate it with information from other brain areas, and so on. Similarly, no one disputes the relevance of genetics, environmental upbringing, and psychology to my green quale. It is even quite coherent (though a bit more controversial) to suppose that these empirical phenomena cause the quale to exist. What matters, instead, is that this appears to be a logical possibility (as opposed to an empirical, or "nomological" possibility). That is, there seems to be no contradiction in conceiving of a situation involving an inverted or absent qualia duplicate. Why is this relevant? Aren't all sorts of things logically conceivable? Though this is a very common (and I think strong) response, here is some motivation for the problem. It has to do with our explanation of qualia--to take just one example, our identification of qualia with underlying neurology and psychology.
Before chemical theory, human beings had a concept of "water." They knew how to refer to water in their environment, they knew how to find it, describe it, and so forth. After the emergence of chemical theory, and after some experimentation, it was discovered that water is in fact H2O. In other words, all there is to being water is being H2O molecules organized in such and such a way. Now, given that this discovery in fact obtained, try to imagine a world which was a duplicate of ours, but in which there was H2O without water. Can you do so?
You might think, as some philosophers do, that you cannot--since water just IS H2O, conceiving of H2O without water amounts to conceiving that something both exists and does not exist. And, intuitively, you can't conceive of that happening. It's a contradiction. In this case, everyone agrees that water perfectly correlates with H2O. This is an empirical or nomological fact. But it also seems logically or conceptually impossible, given our discovery, that water fails to correlate with H2O. Why? Because it IS H2O, and everything necessarily correlates with itself.
On the other hand, you might still think that such a state of affairs IS conceivable. And you can get around the previous worry by saying that when you conceive of H2O without water, you are instead conceiving of H2O without what we previously thought of as water. What did we previously think of as water? Whatever we used to track, find, refer to, and describe water before chemical theory--for instance, the way water appeared to us. So, perhaps it IS impossible to conceive of H2O without water. Even so, it may be possible to conceive of H2O without watery appearances. You might picture a grade school picture of covalently bonded molecules, which certain don't appear to be water. And that's fine--those molecules still ARE water, but they don't need to be water's appearance.
Now let's go back to the qualia case. Why does it matter that it seems logically possible for their to be inverted or absent qualia duplicates? We said before that if two things really are identical, then in any duplicate situation, if you have one, you have the other. But it seems possible that you could have a duplicate of me, with the same genetics, same neurophysiology, same psychology, and so on, yet with distinct qualia from those I actually have when, say, I look at a colored object. This means that, at least as far as things appear, qualia do not necessarily correlate with the underlying neurophysiology, psychology, and so on. (Again, this is not to say that they don't ACTUALLY correlate with these things--everyone agrees that they do). But we just showed that if two things are identical, they must correlate in any duplicate situation. It follows logically that qualia are not identical to any of the underlying neurophysiological or psychological mechanisms.
Can we say that when we conceive of this duplicate case, we are merely imagining that the physical structures exist without the appearances of qualia, just like we did before? Intuitively not: there seems to be no difference between the way qualia appear and the way they are; they just are the appearances of things. (Imagine me telling you that even though you appear to be in pain, you really aren't. There's a sense in which this is coherent, and a sense in which it is not. Fans of qualia are more interested in the latter sense).
Ultimately, this is why the inverted and absent qualia problems are problems at all: they imply that the way things consciously appear to us is not merely a function of the basic scientific facts. This is where the philosophical position called "dualism" gets a lot of its traction (there are plenty of other arguments though, too).
Now, philosophers tend not to like dualism, just like a lot of otherwise scientifically-inclined people (and perhaps contrary to popular belief!). So a lot of the literature against arguments for dualism presses the following stances:
Qualia can be scientifically described without identifying them with physical processes.
While the absent and inverted qualia cases appear possible, they are actually not.
These cases are possible, but, for some other reason, this has nothing to do with the nature of qualia--they may still be physical.
Deny that qualia even exist, or that our concepts for them (roughly, the way our nervous systems represent them) are empty--the word "qualia" is like "witch" or "ether," for instance.
Deny that qualia are as they appear, for conceptual or empirical reasons.
A massive literature has developed around these (and many more) possibilities, and they are essentially the potential "solutions" to the problem in its hardest form. That form is, again, not obviously empirical, but conceptual. As you put it, it is about "real meaning," in the sense that we do not have obvious guarantees about the nature of qualia that we might have when we, for instance, scientifically explain water or heredity or what have you.
This simplifies a lot, but if you're interested, the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy has a lot of good stuff, and Saul Kripke's "Naming and Necessity" presents an argument roughly equivalent to this one (it's also a fairly easy read, compared to a lot of philosophy). All the best!
Genetics dictate that you have the same light receptors and visual color signaling pathway as your parents. Assuming we all came from a common ancestor, all humans alive today have that exact pathway.
It's interesting to think about, but human brains aren't as unique as you might think. We all have the same set-up for that kind of thing. Everyone feels "hot" because of temperature sensing cells with a similar pathway to the brain, but we aren't asking "is my hot the same as your hot?"
[deleted] · 17 points · Posted at 17:05:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] · 18 points · Posted at 17:11:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dumb people who think they are super smart are scary.
[deleted] · 7 points · Posted at 17:51:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
She's either a hardcore direct realist or, as is common with philosophy students, the actual study of philosophy led her to conclude it's not worth the bloody effort.
Metaphysics was a 500 level course at my school and it was the first time i learned of universals and particulars. Intro philosophy courses are usually logic/ethics classes.
So? Your experience is not the only one available.
At my university Locke was one of the first things we studied, and that's how most students were introduced to the inverted spectrum problem. Also British universities work completely differently from the US, as students arrive with a lot more knowledge about their field owing to the fact that they only study 4 subject in their penultimate school year and 3 subjects in the final year. When they arrive at the university they are typically committed to studying one subject and will immediately jump into studying that specific subject in as much depth possible.
Don't let that person fool you, there are definitely freshman level philosophy courses in the US. We even studied some Locke in 10th grade European history in a unit on philosophers.
The wavelength of light generally considered to be non-identical with your sensation of colour. When you look at the red cup, you don't seem to experience a light wave of the frequency band x - y, but rather than a sensory perception with a distinctive quality that you name "red" or "redness" if you like.
It's this dichotomy between the objective thing as science describes it, and the sensation you experience when you perceive the thing, that the problem really gets to the heart of. The problem is that the sensation you experience when having a "red experience" doesn't seem to be anything like the thing science describes by testing the objective nature of light photons in a red frequency. This leads to us believe that what you experience inside your mind when you see a thing isn't the raw light frequency, but rather a sensation that body creates which correlates with red light (light within a red frequency band) entering your eyes.
Assuming this to be true, could it not be possible, assuming a your mind is a product of your material brain (we'll take that for granted), that when light of the the frequency x - y is shone into my eyes, I experience a certain perception A, which I call red? And that you, when light of the frequency x - y is shone into your eyes, have a perception B, which you call red?
However, when light of the frequency range c - d is shone into my eyes, I experience a perception B, that is identical to or very similar to your perception B. But when light of the frequency range c - d is shone into your eyes, you experience a perception A, that is identical or similar to my perception A. All it would take is for our brains to be wired slightly differently, in the same way that you could make two electronic devices, one that gave the value 1 in the presence of red light, and the value 0 in the presence of blue light, and another device that gave the value 0 in the presence of red light, and the value 1 in the presence of blue light.
In this sense, yes, when light of frequency range x - y enters either of our eyes, we both make the exclamation "I am seeing a red thing", however, the perception you have when you see a red thing is not the same perception that I have when I see a red thing, and in fact my perception of red is the same perception you have when you see a blue thing, and vice versa.
As a colour blind person, I can assure you that it's like the second or third question people go to almost 100% of the time!
Every interaction where someone finds out you're colour blind =
"HOLY SHIT YOU'RE COLOUR BLIND?!"
[Points to a red thing] "WHAT COLOUR IS THAT?!" (With invariable look of disappointment when you say it's red.)
"OH MAN WHAT IF YOU REALLY SEE GRASS AS RED BUT YOU JUST THINK IT'S GREEN BECAUSE YOU WERE TAUGHT THAT'S WHAT GREEN IS." (With invariable look of disappointment when your head doesn't explode because you've been asked that about once a month or more since you were 8.)
No it's not, that won't work, otherwise there wouldn't be thousands of books and dissertations written on the subject. If you want to understand why you can read my explanation here.
That's because many seminal papers on the topic also used the colour red, and this resulted in it becoming the sort of go to colour on philosophy papers. Also, red is a prime colour, so you don't get some idiot student standing up and saying "actually you'll find that purple is a mixture of red and blue", as if that mattered, also red is only three letters long.
I remember thinking about it as a kid, and thinking I must have been the first person ever to wonder if we all had the same favourite colour, but we all called that colour a different name.
As a teacher I just go "That's so interesting!" when a kid shares the same idea with me.
Haha well at least you're rewarding them for coming up with an idea in a way. The fact that kids come up with these things really shows that 1. you don't need to be mature to think philosophically and 2. philosophical questions actually start incredibly simple. The danger is that you can take a genius with a sky high IQ sit him down to spend his whole life thinking about them and he'll never come up with a definitive answer.
That's true! You have to respond to each kid differently, I might respond to the really bright one by saying that lots of people think about similar problems, and point them towards a kid-friendly resource about philosophy.
Well, it relates to philosophical skepticism, which is a such a new concept, I can see how the professor might not have been prepared for the question.
Damn, i actually watch futurama. I feel stupid for missing the reference. And i will never understand how people would downvote me for getting somethong wrong.
Saying he could read print with his fingers is a horrible lie because he would be expected to do it right away. What did he say when you told him to do it?
Also, look at this MONSTER fail a 1070 lbs bench press. Unless he looked like this guy, what an obvious lie
I asked him to "read" a newspaper with his fingers, but then he admitted it worked better with embossed business cards, like the ones they gave us at work. So he could only do it with raised lettering that he had already read before.
And he didn't look anything like a body builder. He looked like a fatter version of Milton from Office Space.
But he accidentally hypnotized his knees permanently so they are now incapable of supporting any weight. Also his knees are ultra-sensitive due to extensive "knee-reading" practice.
yeah, I kinda figured that's what he'd look like, what with the gout and all. Who even still has gout?? haha
gopec · 9 points · Posted at 17:40:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That 1070 lb bench press was impressive. It highlights not only the need for strength (obviously), but also body type. The combination of barrel chest and T-Rex arms looks like an important part of this lift. I'm not a lifter, but can guys with perhaps more "normal" length arms even do this type of stuff?
Very good observation and good question. Having a body type like this is a huge advantage in power lifters, but is not a requirement. Here is a 410 lbs press performed by a guy who weighs 154 lbs. In my opinion that is more impressive than the 1070 because of exactly what you said. The barrel chest makes the 1070 guy's range of motion MUCH shorter than this 410 guy. The 410 guy is INSANELY strong for his size.
Right? I worked with a guy (Jesus, I've worked with a lot of compulsive liars) who said he can squat 1000 lbs. None of us believe him to begin with cuz he was just a regularly build stoner. But then I found the fact around that time that Barry Sanders squats 800. So, this stoner that I work with out-squats Barry Sanders. We just encouraged him.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 19:02:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
And that's with a bench shirt. The biggest raw bench press is upwards 739lbs by Sarychev.
PvRed · 3 points · Posted at 19:19:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not only is the guy an absolute beast, but this is equipped powerlifting, with the lifter wearing a bench shirt, which can add up to 300lbs (dont quote me on this) to your bench. Long story short OPs dude sounds like he cant even do a pushup
I actually can read print with my fingers if there is good spacing and it is done using a laser printer, because the toner is sort of pasted to the paper and it ends up being embossed. If the font size is around fourteen with ordinary spacing, I can actually "read" quite a bit of it by touch.
That's my party trick. So far it has gotten me exactly zero girls.
whats the point of getting that strong if you can barely move anymore. anybody on the street could have pushed him down it looks like, and then hed roll on his back like an ugly turtle without a shell
Iwanko is a rock-dog though. He would only really have to watch out for Fighting or Steel type dogs in a fight, and I don't think there are any of those. Certainly not any that are popular, or both types at once.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:01:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He would no longer be able to use it. Pokemon moves are special powers restricted to different species. Think of it as trying to flex a muscle that the Ditto would no longer have. He might remember how it's done, but as a Ditto it's impossible to flex a muscle he no longer has.
From what I know about his actual personal life, he really had nothing going on. All he did was work, eat fast food, and watch TV. I think he was so focused on trying to convince people that he had an interesting, exciting life that it just never occurred to him that they might not believe his lies.
He can bench press 1,000 pounds, and could do even more if he didn't have gout.
When people lie about weightlifting, they always tell the most ridiculous lie that usually puts them in the same group as the top 10% of strongmen or Olympic athletes in the world.
I once had someone tell me they could squat 750. When I said how since he was so skinny he told me "Dude, it's just a mind over matter thing".
I'm laughing in the bathroom at work now at the idea of a hypnodog knocking out a bunch of savage pitbulls.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 15:34:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ip Man ass dog. Dog over here like "there is no spoon". Old ass buddha ass dog. Vegetarian ass hypnotized dog. Muthfucker quit smokin, that's for sure. Used to be fat, got on that late night infomercial ass hypnotized dog.
when someone, like, makes this shit up.... is there some filter that's missing where they are unable to process that the story sounds fucking outrageous and no one will ever believe it?
He claimed to be "good friends" with our Representative, but named the wrong one for the area. Also, his only evidence of the "friendship" was getting form letters in the mail in response to his complaints about pot holes.
He claimed to be an audiophile, and to have spent thousands of dollars on stereo equipment for his music room. Oddly, the headphones that he used at work were from the Dollar Store.
He claimed to have had a successful standup comedy career during the 80s. When I asked him to do some of his material, he recited word-for-word from Bob Newhart's "The Button-Down Mind Strikes Back!" I guess he didn't expect someone my age to be familiar with comedy from the 60s.
In a college philosophy course, he asked the professor "How do I know if the blue I see is the blue you see?" Apparently, this "blew his mind", upsetting him so much that he retired early.
That's like...that's like telling a biologist about his cool new theory called "we breath oxygen".
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 16:18:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What is the deal with pathological liars and dogs? Like is that a requirement? Y'all need 1 dog story. Old man Ray that worked in the tool room at my last job apparently hunted mountain lions with a vicious pack of Chihuahuas from Baja Mexico to Reno Nevada, on foot.
I asked him to "read" a newspaper with his fingers, but then he admitted it worked better with embossed business cards, like the ones they gave us at work. So he could only do it with raised lettering... that he had already read before.
Haha so basically his daredevil like ability is being able to look at a raised letter, close his eyes, touch the letter, and confirm that it is indeed the letter he saw prior to touching it. That's incredible, he should be in one of those documentaries about "real life superheroes" that gets link every 5 minutes on facebook
KelRen · 2 points · Posted at 17:23:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This guy sounds like a character on It's Always Sunny.
Felkyr · 2 points · Posted at 17:25:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He can "read" print with his fingertips, like Daredevil.
He's so good at picking up women that he stopped doing it because it got boring.
He used to be involved in a dog fighting ring, and his dog would never lose, because he taught it hypnosis.
Fucking hilarious. It was all typical alpha behaviour until that last one, which just makes him sound unfortunately a little retarded. Still, that Daredevil one had me burst out laughing in the middle of the night while my family is trying to sleep, so, kudos, hero-guy, wherever you are.
In a college philosophy course, he asked the professor "How do I know if the blue I see is the blue you see?" Apparently, this "blew his mind", upsetting him so much that he retired early.
To be fair my CS professor did this when he couldn't explain a heap
That's an insane amount of weight. I'd show him the world records and tell him he should go participate at a meet then. A guy I have to work with told me he had an 800lb squat at age 16 at 150lb bodyweight. I then pulled out my phone while we were talking and pulled up IPF world records and told him he set a new one, then promptly walked away.
"He used to be involved in a dog fighting ring, and his dog would never lose, because he taught it hypnosis."
Ooooh, never losing dog is almost impossible. But I remember when I had to go against some guy and his dog. Something weird happened that night. I blacked out just before the fight, and woke up as MY DOG! Since I didn't know how to fight as a dog, I ended up losing pretty bad.. I then blacked out again, waking up as my self at the end of the match. Really weird, could it be him?
In a college philosophy course, he asked the professor "How do I know if the blue I see is the blue you see?" Apparently, this "blew his mind", upsetting him so much that he retired early.
Yeah ok
He can bench press 1,000 pounds, and could do even more if he didn't have gout.
Gout is a disease typically brought on by drinking WAAAAAAY too much. I doubt a heavy boozer could.....wait....no you fucking cannot bench press 1000 lbs you fucking idiot.
He can "read" print with his fingertips, like Daredevil.
Should have had him "read" you something right there on the spot.
He's so good at picking up women that he stopped doing it because it got boring.
Yeah,....me too...
He used to be involved in a dog fighting ring, and his dog would never lose, because he taught it hypnosis.
It would have been two cubicles, but the boss ordered the wrong number of dividers. One guy only got two walls, so everyone walked through his space to get to the copier. He kept yelling at people to stay out of his "office", but we just laughed at him.
I used to make shit like this up when I was 7 or 8. I realized by 11 or 12 that people were on to my bullshit and stopped. It's weird to me that some people make it to adulthood without realizing this.
In a college philosophy course, he asked the professor "How do I know if the blue I see is the blue you see?" Apparently, this "blew his mind", upsetting him so much that he retired early.
As a philosophy lover, this is the funniest one by far. As if any philosophy professor on Earth would have their mind blown by such an elementary and basic thought experiment as the Inverted Spectrum. The worst part is that I feel like many people think that statements like this are meant to be deep and insightful entirely on their own. "Imagine if the blue I see is not the blue you see. OMG bro, mind blown. We're really doing genius philosophy!"
Thought experiments like this are usually brought up to make an actual point, or to attack a certain thesis by acting as a counterexample or a premise in an argument. There's always a bigger context that something like Inverted Spectrum emerges from. In this case it plays a part in discussions within the philosophy of mind.
In a college philosophy course, he asked the professor "How do I know if the blue I see is the blue you see?" Apparently, this "blew his mind", upsetting him so much that he retired early.
I'm laughing so hard right now you don't even understand. I'm a postgrad in philosophy and we call those sorts of statements "intro philosophy questions" because all the intro students ask them! Those are usually some of the first philosophical explorations a person does so it's so funny he would think a Ph.D. in philosophy would be unaware of it.
Why doesn't somebody ask him to prove some of these claims? It sounds cruel, but it might actually be something that needs to happen for him, so he grows up a bit. He sounds like he's actually slightly mentally ill.
In a college philosophy course, he asked the professor "How do I know if the blue I see is the blue you see?" Apparently, this "blew his mind", upsetting him so much that he retired early.
lol literally philo 101
Zubalo · 2 points · Posted at 01:54:29 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Okay I know it is a lie but on the first one why would you ask a philosophy professor that? You should ask a psychology professor if anything.
he asked the professor "How do I know if the blue I see is the blue you see?" Apparently, this "blew his mind", upsetting him so much that he retired early.
When everyone who has ever taken a freshman philosophy course has heard the class jackass ask the prof this question . . . and the reaction is either a polite response or a roll of the eyes from the prof, depending on his personality
One day my ex-girlfriend brought home a black cat. She told me that she and her mom found this cat in an abandoned house that her mom "saw from the road and wanted to see if it was suitable for living." (Her mom is a realtor for low-income individuals). She told me that we had to take care of this cat for a couple weeks before we could figure out what to do with it. We already had three cats at the time, which is already stretching it a bit in apartment living--not to mention a violation of our lease.
Now, I don't know if she forgot or what, but right when we started dating she had to get some things from her ex-boyfriend's apartment when he wasn't home. I came along because she assured me he wasn't home, and I figured what the hell. Her ex-boyfriend had a black cat. This was that cat, and I could instantly tell.
The lies/excuses began compounding when I did some research about what to do with the cat. I looked into reputable shelters and found some that would clearly be good choices. Her reply: "No, it's my responsibility to figure out what to do with the cat because I found it." What? I then told her my brother offered to take the cat. Her reply: "I don't really like your brother." I then told her my parents offered to take the cat. Her reply: "Driving two hours in the car will make the cat too scared."
After about a week of this, I told her I knew the cat was her ex-boyfriend's cat. I knew that he (a drug addict and general douche) must've lost his housing or something, and now we're taking care of his cat because he had no one else to call. I told her I knew this instantly and wanted her to admit her lie to me instead of me forcing it out of her.
She then got super pissed and started screaming at me that I let her carry on lying to me for a week.
[deleted] · 198 points · Posted at 17:31:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I dated a girl like that, except I found out because a friend told me about it. I didn't even betray her trust by looking at her phone or anything. (she told my friend, my friend told). My GF was so pissed I found out she cheated on me she literally kicked in my bedroom window. she had a broken leg at the time and her cast just shattered the window that was right next to my bed.... She was so mad that someone betrayed her trust and told me that she didn't even say sorry for cheating on me for hours....She was all "hey you were supposed to be my girl, and us girls gotta stick together" which aparrently means you are not supposed to give a shit if your friend is being cheated on... that girl seriously was nuts.
years later I ended up dating my friend that told me.... I am now married to that friend.
I dated one of those... Funny thing was, I didn't snoop. The ex went to show me something on her laptop, and accidentally showed me some dirty messages between her and someone else. When I spoke to her about it she was pissed - like I did something horrible to her. Good times!
Oh! I had a boyfriend like that. Apparently looking at a camera is a betrayal of trust but having unsafe sex with a skeezy looking girl when you're supposed to be in a committed relationship, and then lying about it, is not :P
Well, after her outburst, I got really fucking angry at her, so I killed the cat and put pieces of it in some lasagna I made for her. She really hated that.
No, just kidding. It went back to the ex-boyfriend.
you see these red flags right? I hope you have broken up with her by now..
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:36:14 on September 18, 2016 · (Permalink)
jeeze, please tell me you left man. Why on earth would you stay with her?
rodery · 1112 points · Posted at 11:57:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Her house was for sale on ebay.
An exchange student in her house was her estranged brother. Then he was her boyfriend and we'd all misheard that he was her brother.
She was half Dutch, a quarter 'African' and a quarter Spanish (she looked like the lead singer of The Rasmus except with very thin, brown hair instead of black).
A friend of mine told her household bleach was the same as hairdresser's bleach, she 'dyed' a patch of her hair and it fell out so she wore a headscarf and said she had cancer.
She qualified for 'Junior Spanish Eurovision'. When asked why she wasn't in an of the photos she 'took' (stole from internet), we were told everyone was too busy rehearsing to photograph her.
Her dad owned an airline.
She's a Spanish princess. Or maybe she was an African princess. Maybe both.
She spoke Dutch, Spanish and English fluently (was regularly caught out by native speakers, still continued claiming it was true, "it's a different dialect!!" etc)
She got the highest possible marks in our final exams, got a scholarship for one of the most prestigious colleges in our country, but was putting it off for a year to focus on singing (she was still knocking around the town 3 years later)
She 'knew' loads of celebrities and the badly photoshopped pictures of her with them were proof.
She added random symbols to her name to make it look more Dutch (e.g. she added an ě and a German ö into her surname) yet still pronounced it as it was prior to the symbol addition.
Due to her 'African' heritage, she thought the black girls in our school would be cool with her calling them the n-word. One punched her in the face and 'broke her contact lens in her eye'. Cool, cool, except she kept switching which eye was closed when she didn't think anyone was looking.
OH! She was a 'rapper' and showed me and a mate one of her raps. It was that ''I wear khaki pants, my middle name's Lance, my grandma's from France" rap from Scary Movie 3.
She was the most ridiculous person ever, but the lies were hilarious.
OBLIGATORY EDIT:
Various people in our school knew her family, as did a few teachers. No, she was not really African/Spanish/Dutch (well, possibly Dutch somewhere way back the family line, but to be that kinda mix, her mother would have to have been half Spanish, half African, which she was not.) She dropped the African/Spanish thing about two years into our time in school and became just half Dutch instead.
eBay does have a property section. Her house wasn't really for sale. Never heard another word about it.
I was trying to show an homage to Desiderius Erasmus by being "The Rasmus". Much later I found out to my dismay that it was a band that I head never heard of. Maybe I'll vacate the username for a band rep.
There are some first names with an ö, and a rare surname, but as someone born and living in the Netherlands for 20 years I have yet to encounter a Dutch person with an ě in their name.
edit: Apologies for my comment! I am a drunk idiot and totally forgot about that. Would you believe that shit? (I speak Czech fluently!!!)
Andior · 4 points · Posted at 22:23:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yes there is. For example in the words 'Německo' (Germany) and 'Španělsko' (Spain) and many others. It's actually pretty common (unlike q, w and others)
rodery · 1 points · Posted at 21:22:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I don't know why but, after laughing, this one made me sad. Picturing her at home Photoshopping her pictures with celebrities to hope to impress people.
rodery · 2 points · Posted at 07:57:39 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Yeah, that was the thing. As much as we knew she was full of shit, people left her alone for the most part because most of us knew it was just her way of trying to make friends.
I dont want to be a grammar nazi, but its spelled Czech.
rodery · 6 points · Posted at 18:24:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sorry about that! *fixed
souHad · 3 points · Posted at 18:40:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
To be fair, she could have been north african. North Africans, are not black for the most part, they look middle eastern. Especially if she's spanish, a grandparent may have immigrated from Morocco or Tunisia or something
rodery · 10 points · Posted at 18:51:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
All possible, but not for her. Both of her parents grew up with one of our teachers, ten miles outside the town. The 'Dutch' was from her father's side, which could have been possible, but way, way back because he grew up here and his surname was a traditional Irish name. She wasn't anything except Irish, she just didn't want to be.
Nationality is plausible if by 'African' she meant Afrikaner. That'd tie in with Dutch fairly well, and northern Spain isn't a thousand miles from the Netherlands (that's not hyperbole, it's literally true).
Doesn't mean she wasn't lying out of her backside, but without DNA testing it's certainly possible she was telling the truth.
rodery · 2 points · Posted at 21:26:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh no, I'm not saying it was completely impossible to be that kind of mix. But we were a small area, and people knew her family. She possibly had some Dutch in her way down the line, but her family outside of that were Irish.
Soooo I'm gonna guess it's because you guys didn't believe the lies. Right?
rodery · 2 points · Posted at 21:53:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Kinda felt bad for her bc it just seemed like she was lying so much to seem interesting, and we wanted to get to know the real her. She wasn't having any of it. I think once she'd told all the big lies and gotten no real response, she wanted a better audience maybe? Stayed civil through the rest of school at least.
I'm not entirely sure why this one is "ridiculous, obviously fake" for. EBay does have a real estate section, you know...
rodery · 1 points · Posted at 22:15:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Extra clarification, it was because she announced it loudly in the middle of a computer class, followed by 'I can't believe my parents didn't tell me!'
Languages! Why do people think they can lie about that? My mom tried to say that German is her native language. When I pointed out that she is from Ohio she told me that she also speaks French and Flemish. Flemish! When I asked why I've never heard her speak a word of German and why didn't she help me when I was learning German she made up some story involving Alan Ginsberg and Bob Seger.
rodery · 1 points · Posted at 22:57:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Shit dude, that sucks! I think some people almost think that knowing a few choice phrases is the same thing. That story sounds interesting though haha!
I spent something like 13 years of my life learning Gaeilge and would still struggle to hold a conversation. My German is a bit better but nothing to write home about. Some people are great at languages but with no immersion it's pretty hard.
It took a long time to realize that she lies constantly because her lies aren't usually that absurd and they're all grounded in a kernel of truth. She was born in Germany. On an American airforce base to American parents and left when she was a toddler.
I started to see it when I was in my 20s and noticed that her stories didn't quite match up with my memory.
rodery · 1 points · Posted at 23:20:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh man, I'm sorry to hear that. One of my best friends comes from a similar situation.
I think some people honestly don't understand the difference between reality and lies once it's become so much of a habit.
How are things between you, if you don't mind me asking? Is there an issue with trust or is the lying still as prevalent?
I agree with you I think she's so absorbed into some of these lies that they're her reality. I've actually been hesitant to call her out because I'm scared what might happen if that gets shattered. I keep her at arms length and I think of her as a fun storyteller, not a fact keeper. My brother hasn't spoken to her in 10 years. My sister has what I consider an unhealthily co-dependent relationship with her. They're "best friends" and "room mates" (really mom is too broke and short sighted to support herself). Sister is young though, 20, so she might wisen up.
rodery · 1 points · Posted at 23:42:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I suppose you have to look at it as you didn't realise yourself until you were in your 20s , so there's still time for your sister too. Sorry to hear about your brother dude, that's rough. I hope you're doing okay, but definitely glad you're not being manipulated by it anymore.
I speak dutch, we don't even use ö and that weird e that isn't even on my keyboards.
rodery · 1 points · Posted at 23:04:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Case in point!
My mate is from Ukraine, apparently the e one is an Eastern European letter that doubles the vowel or something? Either way, she never changed the pronunciation so fuck knows.
I have an ukrainian keyboard on my phone as secondary and isn't on there either. Checked italian, dutch, french, ukrainian, english and serb and didn't find the e. Reminds me of an e i used in latin when studying it when i think about it.
rodery · 1 points · Posted at 23:17:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Shit, who knows then? It took me a long time to find it today in Google, thus where the Czech confusion came in.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:25:16 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
)
You dropped this
rodery · 1 points · Posted at 07:56:36 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I also knew a crazy that claimed to be an African princess and said she got a full scholarship to a prestigious college and said a lot of really crazy shit.. Was this chicks name Dara?
rodery · 1 points · Posted at 07:55:43 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Nope! But wow, there's definitely a few of them out there.
To be honest, I bought a wooded lot of land on eBay around 2005.
rodery · 2 points · Posted at 07:53:39 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well now that's pretty cool. And actually happened, unlike in this case.
du4ko · 1 points · Posted at 07:03:13 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
You can buy houses and flats from ebay , probably not in your region. Last time i checked there was a set of flats in a shady neighborhood in my region. I am not saying it is the best place to sell it or adv it, I am saying people do it.
rodery · 1 points · Posted at 07:53:19 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh I know, just it didn't actually happen.
du4ko · 1 points · Posted at 07:59:47 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh I see , well next time a lie like that came across. Do not miss the moment, explain that you know the house was for sale on eBay because you were the one that got the bargain and bought it off. Then explain to the person that he has 24 hours to get his shit our of the house.
rodery · 1 points · Posted at 08:37:29 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
People do sell houses on ebay. She could still be lying but its hardly far fetched.
rodery · 3 points · Posted at 18:23:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Fair enough! I should have clarified, it was more so that she was claiming that the house she was currently living in was for sale without her having being told anything about it.
Oh boy, have I been waiting for this. Ok, let's say my friend is BR. Well, one day, me and BR were at school and eating lunch with a couple of friends. He decides to tell us a story of what happened to him at a local flea market.
Before we start the main part of the story, let me say that selling any kind of animals at the flea market is not allowed. Anyway, BR says he was at the flea market and looking around and a guy came up to him and asked him very quietly if he wanted to buy a iguana, he said yes.
BR and the man wander around until they can find a quiet spot with a few empty tables. Turns out the reason for this was because the man has the iguanas in his prosthetic leg.... As you can see, this is where I stopped believing him, but I kept listening because I thought it was funny.
So the man dumps all the iguanas out out onto the table in front of them. The man starts going through them telling BR which ones he likes when one of the iguanas turns around and bites the man! Now, I know what you're thinking, "ok a man smuggling iguanas in a prosthetic leg gets bit by one. Ok, highly unlikely, but I guess it could happen." Yeah, you're right. But this was no ordinary iguana! It was a miracle iguana!
BR proceeds to tell me that when the iguana bit the man, it must have given him chemo because he started acting sick after it bit him! Now, I'm not sure who he thought he was fooling at this point, but it wasn't me.
I called him out. I said "BR, you know chemo is a cancer treatment, not a disease right?" He said "oh, it is? It must've been Lyme disease then." I said "nope, Lyme disease mainly comes from ticks." He said "ok, then bird flu." I started getting ready to say the very obvious come back and before I even got finished, he interrupted with " yeah yeah yeah, I know, it comes from birds."
But yeah, this is by far my favorite story he's ever told me. He lied so much like this, I got to the point when I didn't believe anything he said without seeing proof of it, and even then I was skeptical.
Me too, but I'm in America. He also told my friend to ask for him at a tattoo parlor an hour and a half away, I guess assuming no one would actually go an hour and a half for a tattoo... Said to ask for "Batman", as that was his nickname at the shop. We went and felt stupid as fuck when the owner looked at us like we were dumbasses of the year.
gnorty · 17 points · Posted at 18:30:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Said to ask for "Batman", as that was his nickname at the shop. We went and felt stupid as fuck when the owner looked at us like we were dumbasses of the year.
Damn that means there's two of them, I'm in Jeff Davis and I went to school with a guy who called himself Batman and hung out in a shitty tattoo shop. What are the fucking odds that happens twice? ¯\(ツ)/¯
Aww, damn. I got excited. Jeff Davis, huh? I didn't know people lived anywhere but in counties adjacent to Fulton and in straight lines to Florida, South Carolina, and Alabama...
To be fair i don't remember shit about being a little baby, so if i was born elsewhere and then immediately moved to my current city/country, i wouldn't count that as travel.
Then we can determine that if the bus hit him with a velocity (V) of 10,000 m/s at and angle (A) of 30 degrees, we have the calculation R = 10,0002(sin 30*2) or R = 10,0002 * 0.866 or R=10,0001.732. Where R is the distance he would travel from said impact in meters.
= R = 8472274m or 8,472km. Roughly half the distance required.
So if we double the initial velocity to 20,000m/s, we have a distance of 16,944.54km.
Therefore, if the bus struck him at 37,902.64mph, or something approaching mach 49.5, almost 50 times the speed of sound or about 1/17000th the speed of light, he could have legitimately traveled from Australia to the UK without having "traveled" in the traditional sense.
Mind you, you say he was hit by a bus five times, and I find that part to be implausible.
The velocity go down quite a bit if you assume either the bus gave chase, hitting him 5 times during his trip, or that each impact led to another bus impact.
How does a bus hit at an angle of 30 degrees? And without factoring in air resistance at those speeds, the distances are pretty meaningless. Actually even air resistance is pretty meaningless at those speeds because even if the bus could have that velocity and impart it to the body, he'd be instantly vaporized.
Damn this girl I worked with said she was born in Australia and her name was Zoey but she spelled it like Zoë and it was pronounced Zoh-way which was apparently the Australian way to spell/say it. What the hell this girl was like 20 years old too....
Yeah this is the strange part about lying to me. I get the basic concept but if you're going to do it, at least make sure your stories are not going to come out as false without anyone even needing to do any research.
The one about the dead brother is just comically dumb even though I do believe it, I've heard similarly stupid lies.
[update: Something I learned from all responses to my post here is that mental illness is more than just an amplification of feelings (i.e. "everybody feels sad some days but depressed people are sadder") but indeed that this is a dramatic misfiring in the brain that really has no origin in 'reason'.]
I think you're forgetting about the "compulsion" part. That's like saying "If you're going to gamble, why would you ever bet more than you can afford?" or "If you're going to get drunk, why would you do it when you have shit to do later?"
Indeed you're probably right. I guess for me lies are always with a direct purpose that would immediately fail should the lie ever come out. Not to mention that clearly my credibility and social standing would suffer massively if the lie would come out, so indeed now I'm older and wiser it's rarely worth the effort.
I don't even know if a compulsive liar is necessarily trying to keep a web of lies straight. I think some of them are just default liars. It's literally a compulsion to say something that isn't true (as opposed to trying to scam someone).
I've got a little bit of a lying streak in me- nothing serious, but I'll just tell somebody I beat up commies and saved the world when they ask how my day has been- and honestly I just do it because it's fun. It's like it's an outlet for my imagination. Life is just so boring sometimes.
Stuff like that is just fun, and nobody would take it seriously. I used to do similar things, but started to realize some people didn't find it that funny, but rather just weird.
That's why I tell the truth. It seems downright impossible to keep everything straight. I don't think I'm smart enough to be a successful compulsive liar.
[deleted] · 31 points · Posted at 16:29:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
adsdv · 10 points · Posted at 20:11:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
im curious about your game.
[deleted] · 6 points · Posted at 20:17:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sure, lying is increasingly difficult, the more you are building a framework where one lie is supporting another, but I'm more thinking of just something so stupidly obvious like the previous poster's example of saying "My brother died" while clearly he could cross everybody's path the next day.
Actually the problem with lies is the amount of detail you make up. Usually a lie is well thought out and when asked about something, you just tell the story fluently. Instead, when telling the truth, you are thinking about what went down, going back on your own words, generally being less fluent.
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 17:34:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Often times people who are really smart about their lying are Social Engineers who REALLY want to get something out of it.
Thanks, this indeed was something I did not realize before, I just thought they would just have lower moral/ethical resistance than 'the average person' to lying, but indeed doing stuff that any 'rational' person can see is self-destructive is .. well, I guess that's why they call it a mental illness..
This is why I stopped lying, unless I really need to, around freshman year of high school. I sucked at it and could never keep shit straight.
Plsci · 2 points · Posted at 21:28:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
They don't care if people know they lie basically. That or they're too focused on other things or just flat out too dumb to realize that anyone even does recognize their lies. Some pathological liars have some sort of mechanism for coping with the mounting evidence around them that their lies are well known. The girl he's talking about doesn't sound like that sort of case though - more like she just craves attention, and even when the dead brother lie stops paying off in attention, the being a crazy liar will continue to pay off in attention. I've known plenty of people who lie like this, and I'd say that the female ones usually do it for attention and/or don't care that people know they lie. The male ones may also do it for attention, or more commonly to be competitive or aggressive, but seem to often begin to believe their lies themselves or just block out other peoples awareness of their lies - ego certainly helps in that case.
When I was in middle school, I detested gym class to such a degree that to get out of it one day I told the teacher that my grandfather had died and I was too broken up about it to run around like everything was okay.
The next week my grandfather did die, and for a long long time I thought it was somehow my fault.
[deleted] · 12 points · Posted at 15:06:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
If it's pathological then believability has nothing to do with it, it's a serious mental illness.
I knew one girl who got out of a high school detention by insisting that her mom ran over and killed her little brother and she needed to go home. It might have flown had he not attended the same school, and come in the next day...
Apparently it's pretty common for people to tell their boyfriend/girlfriend that they have some disease. My ex told me and a couple of our friends that he had kidney cancer...that's why he has all those pills (they were headache pills...) and he doesn't need to go to doctors frequently because he will die soon anyways. I mean, we all know those doctors that tell you 'come on, you're gonna die soon, just leave me alone now, stop bothering me'.
Long story short, this guy pretty much made up his whole life, in the end I found out that he didn't even finish high school apparently..
I did. The first times I found out that he was lying I just though he was a little weird. But slowly I found out that basically his whole life was a lie and this is where I had to make a cut. Every once in a while I hear about him from friends and apparently he is still lying his way through life...But I honestly think that he has some kind of mental disorder, lying this much is not normal. Everyone lies every once in a while, but making up your whole life is pretty extreme..
I knew someone in college who "had leukemia" as well, but it "turned out it be something else" when we asked how she was doing a year later. (We think she failed out of school). I remember one dinner we had together she wore a beanie before making her cancer announcement...She also stole my sunglasses and lied about her sister's heroin od death- which was promptly disputed as that said sister wrote a comment on Facebook. I cringe at the fact that I believed some of that bullshit.
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 15:33:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 17:35:36 on June 30, 2016 · (Permalink)
How did that go down?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:58:27 on June 30, 2016 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 22:43:36 on June 30, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm so sorry. It's awful that she had friends willing to help her, but she just couldn't do the work. Just because she clearly needs help doesn't mean anyone else is obligated to let her treat them like that. Props to you for trying though.
I knew a girl who was always telling stories about some tragedy in her family or friend circle. According to her, at least one of her brothers (there were supposedly four but I've never seen one) died in an accident, father had been in ICU, a foreign friend was diagnosed with AIDS (she didn't even speak the language of his alleged country), another friend committed suicide or something, stories about her own many diseases and accidents not included. All that horrible stuff didn't affect her disposition, mood or behaviour in the slightest.
That reminds me of something that happened to my brother.
We were at church camp and there was this girl in his family group that went to our church who told everyone that she had leukemia. Specifically, in her stomach. Later in the week she said her mom called her and told her that her twin sister died. She doesn't have a twin sister. She was just making stuff up to get attention. When my brother tried to call her out on her crap, the adult leaders got onto him for not believing her.
I was at camp that same week and didn't hear about it, so I guess they just kept it within their family group. But when he was telling about it on the way home I couldn't believe that the adults actually believed her with the details she gave.
First off, leukemia is blood cancer. You don't get it in your stomach. Also, she said that they saw the leukemia in an MRI. Again, blood cancer, that doesn't show up on an MRI. If the adult leaders knew anything about leukemia at all, besides that it's a kind of cancer, they would've known she was lying. But apparently they didn't, because they believed her.
Anyway, I guess word got back to her sister that she was saying all this stuff and she told her mom and she got in trouble when they got home.
That reminds me of my friends mom. She's claimed to have leukemia and lung cancer at the same time but is refusing chemo because "it killed everyone she's ever know with cancer" and on top of that claimed to have a brain tumor, MS, and arthritis.
Shit, this is similar to this girl I hooked up with a few times. In the first couple of days I knew her she told me she couldn't have kids ever, because her ovaries were heavily damaged by some kind of illness.
Then like a month later after we had hooked up a couple of times, but hadn't really been hanging out since, she drunkenly came up to me at a party and told me she was pregnant (she wasn't really) and I said, "oh, I thought you couldn't get pregnant." She proceeded to tell me that it happened and she was keeping it because she'd never have another one etc. I told her I wasn't ready for a kid, and hardly knew her, but it was her decision. Then after telling me all of this, she tells me she wasn't really pregnant and that she was testing me to see if I was an asshole or not, and then continued to say some horrible things to me until I left the party.
I'm pretty sure she has legitimate mental illness, so I try not to hold it against her, but it was still really hurtful.
That reminds me of a girl I knew in my latter teen years. I met her at a buddy's party, where she was crying on the basement steps. I asked her what was wrong and she proceeded to tell me about how she was getting open heart surgery in the morning and her parents were so terrible they wouldn't give her a ride to the hospital. I told her that we may have just met but I had my own car and would gladly give her a ride. She had an excuse for refusing that I don't really remember but this started a year or two of being associated with this girl and her nonsense. I'm just grateful we never ended up having sex, even though she was attractive and we came close a time or two. She has since accused several guys of rape.
One of my exes told EVERYONE he had a brother that died. He didn't. I met his family many times. I called him out to all his friends about it. They were livid. It was his sympathy card (he was a VERY sloppy, piss-pants drunk). He was definitely a compulsive liar.
I had a friend all through childhood who had some sort of malady every time I saw her. She always claimed to have broken bones, mono, pneumonia, for some of the lesser illnesses, and then she also received multiple cancer diagnoses that miraculously went away and some congenital disease that she was relieved to be diagnosed with eventually. I always rolled my eyes as a kid when she said these things but it wasn't until high school that I realized it was actually a serious problem.
As for other lies, she told me she could sing as low as Smash Mouth back when they were popular. And her parents were "getting divorced" at least three times during our friendship but then worked it out.
People who tell these kinds of dramatic, easily disprovable lies frequently can't help themselves.
Ekyou · 0 points · Posted at 18:56:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That reminds me of the girl I knew who supposedly had cancer of the lady parts. I say "lady parts" because one day it was uterine cancer and the next it was ovarian. Apparently whatever it was made her bleed so bad she had to change her pants like 5 times that day but she wouldn't let us take her to the nurse.
I know people who have made similar claims, but this day in age with the internet a lot of that shit is very easy to check. Like I know someone who said her uncle married Bob Dylan's daughter, and was a musician himself who also released his own music and produced music for TV shows etc. well, it was easy to check out and she was completely telling the truth.
eirunn · 2 points · Posted at 02:50:33 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A great white shark?
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 07:03:46 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's insane, did you get to meet him?
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 17:38:26 on June 30, 2016 · (Permalink)
When I was young I thought of age something the parents assign to their children and there are these popular ages we were all in. Sometimes the parents decide to just change our year and celebrate it I guess.
One day I got a pet and now my parents realize my way of thinking and viewing as I asked them: "May I decide how old he is? I want him to be 1000 year old!"
That the story how I had a 1000 year old bunny called Harry Potter.
There was later an author who stole his name for a character of her book of course.
Shit…I'm a Sam that was a pathological liar between the ages of 4-10…of course, I can't remember exactly, what with being 300 ye- I mean, it was a while ago.
First day of college (UK, so like high school for US I presume) we had to wear badges with our names on because everyone was new. We were given stickers and had to write on them.
Now, I'm not so stupid that I can't spell my name, but I am stupid enough that I put the sticker on and didn't actually write anything. One of my new friends at college pointed this out, so I attempted to write my name upside-down. I thought I'd done a good job and felt pretty proud of my upside-down handwriting skills until the lecturer said "…Sbm?".
Confused, I looked town and saw no issue with my sticker…it was then pointed out this time that I'd somehow written a 'b' instead of an 'a'; "S_m" was written fine, but since the 'a' was written from my perspective, the line down the back of the letter appeared on the wrong side and I'd extended it too far, so everyone hilariously called me "Sbm" from then on.
It was only a month or two before I built my first PC too so it became my handle on pretty much everything.
So there it is…Looking back over it I can't imagine a more boring story over the birth of a nickname!
Ahh well I'm small so I get the whole Samwise name, Samwise Ganja, and while it says "Samuel" on my birth certificate, doctors and dentists always say "Samwell". I mean, how on God's my name did they get Samwell from Samuel?!
My neice used to tell people she had 6 grandmas. Everyone would laugh her off or try to correct her but she refused to back down.
Eventually realized she was referring to living grandparents, of her mother, father and her mother's succession of boyfriends. She cared enough to keep track.
My version of this was my best friend in second grade told me that the Ninja Turtles lived in the sewer behind his house and they'd take him on adventures at night. There were multiple times I snuck out of bed in the middle of the night, got dressed, and waited looking out the windows in my living room because they "were going to pick me up in the turtle van to go fight bad guys". Now I'm 34 and the only bad guys I have ever fought were just drunks at the bar.
I'm interested in the "used to be" part. How was he deposed? What was the power dynamic/governmental situation in your backyard following this ancient wizard-child's reign?
Well I mean we were six and he was a pretty creative kid who liked making up stories. He was also probably trying to mess with me and I was having nONE OF IT
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:40:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When I was a kid someone told me he once stood on the wings of an airplane while flying (I didn't believe him, I asked for pictures and he didn't have it).
He forgot about it after a while so next year I mentioned it to one of my friends about it. My friend went over the the liar to ask if he really did stand on the wing of an airplane. Well, he had forgotten about it so he of course said no.
Then a fight happened (I wasn't there to watch it though). So basically, I started a fight between 2 people that made on of them cry.
This was just one of numerous lies he told and had forgotten about. But to his defense we were about 8-10 years old.
Sorry. I just wanted an invite to your cool bday party. I heard you were getting a moon jump.
I jumped on the moon for real. After you didn't invite me to your party, I was invited to top secret NASA training. I'm an astronaut now. I own the moon for the next 300 years... NASA made me immortal with a super secret serum. So... yeah, no big deal.
This legitimately sounds like something that would come out of his mouth.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:53:32 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Fucking Rachel told me she was a vampire and went to cool vampire parties and all the vampires got beanie babies when they were turned. I DIDN'T BELIEVE YOU FOR A SECOND, RACHEL.
You'd be surprised at the number of women who think this is something that can actually happen. Of course you're right, she can't, and she could've been lying about it. I hope she was lying about it. It terrifies me that this belief should exist today.
Here's a gross little side note though. In rare cases there can be a fistula between the uterus and the large intestine, and a fetus can sometimes literally be digested by the mother. This is (mercifully) exceptionally rare. As the more common result to this is to have poop coming out where no poop should ever be, and in the West it gets corrected before it gets to this level.
My professor taught screenwriting (woot woot) film school) and one day he decided to go out and find the next Hollywood blockbuster or whatever. Eventually, he was contacted by a neighboring college about this woman on their swim team that had an amazing story.
He goes to check it out. There, he meets a woman balding from chemotherapy, I think in her 40's. He never told us her age, but based on her life story, she had to be on the older side.
When my professor asked her about her life she opened up to him. She was ex-Navy and was honorably discharged due to a mission gone wrong. Basically, her and the other soldiers were disarming bombs of some type, can't remember if they were landmines or the ones that float around in the sea. Many of her friends and teammates died, including the one dude having an affair with her. She claimed the US government would never let the story leak.
Afterwards, my professor and this woman continued talking about her life. She had a journal in which she recorded everything that happened. He would sometimes take her to the hospital so that she could encourage other cancer patients to stay strong during their ordeal, and also for chemo treatments.
Things became weird when my professor couldn't find anyone to back her story up. Everyone who'd know about the botched mission was dead, and her friends would mysteriously cancel meetings at the last minute.
My professor didn't want to doubt the story of a brave soldier recovering from cancer, but it was just too weird. So, he called the high school she told him she attended to check out her story. There was no record of her attendance at the high school.
Of course, my professor confronted her about it. She immediately turned tail and ran.
Months later, he saw her picture on the cover of a sports magazine. She was a blind skier now. Turns out, that woman didn't even have cancer. She spent hours at the hospital to keep up the act and even gave talks to real cancer patients about hope.
Tldr: Woman lies about being a soldier and having cancer to an alarming extent. There's proof that she has done this several times.
Edit: sailor not soldier. Thanks for the correction, knowledgeable redditors :)
I am always alarmed at cancer fakers. But somehow I am more alarmed that you referred to someone in their 40's as "on the older side." I suddenly feel old for being in my 40's...
I said on the older side because she was on a college swim team and I thought people would assume that she was younger than 30. I didn't mean to say that people in their 40s are old. Sorry
Thanks! This is even more beneficial because, when I electronically sign legal documents, it is /s followed by my name. So, I am indicating that the entirety of the legal document submitted to a judge is sarcastic in nature. Somehow that makes my job seem less dull.
Maybe he meant a little on the older side for compulsively lying to such a degree? Most of the other examples in this thread are people in their teens-twenties.
It has crossed my mind, because nobody believes that I am 43. But reducing my age looks ridiculous to anyone who knows I have a 23 year old kid :)
Luwi00 · 1 points · Posted at 11:14:22 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have seen the other side of this several times.
Doctors laughed at me, people laughed at me and even a fucking police officer told me the stop lying...
I have cancer, I was very very weak the first month after the surgery and could barley stand, so I was at the doctor told them I need to be in there ASAP because I am about to pass out and dont want them to carry me to the hospital because I am just weak... The doctor just told me, sir you have to wait because there are more important people then you, see this one (50-55 year old guys) he got a fucking caugh so we is first, people who say they have cancer and dont have it are disgusting...
Jep I reported her to the German doctor thingy, she already had a warning and now has a second one, one more and the title is gone.
The policeman actually said I had to park somewhere else because the parking spot is for people who are actually ill.. and not young foks who have nothing and just dont like to walk...
Thanks, I guess...
And the normal people are the most annyoning, screaming and shit tell you you should get cancer because you block the disabled parking spot... well guess what bitch I already have cancer...
That really sucks. I have seen people go off on the handicap spot issue, and it doesn't make sense as many disabilities are not visible. But to have a doctor say that is outrageous.
Eugh, this is like that woman who said she was in one of the towers on 9/11. Such a horrible thing to fake when there are people going through actual trauma. Knocks me sick.
[deleted] · 10 points · Posted at 20:22:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
haha at "turned tail and ran". It baffles me why idiots like this get themselves into these situations. Had a similar experience at school when I heard a stupid pointless tall story that had been told about me. I handed the people concerned the documents to prove the lie right in front of the liar, and he literally turned and ran out of the room. He is an adult, but looked like the 4 year old hiding within that day. Many laughs were had by the real adults!
Idiot ex told the teachers he alone was authorised to make educational decisions and I was supposed to pay for them all as well as the kiddo's school meals when she was with him. When the teachers told me I burst out laughing and told them that's not how it works.
So come parent teacher conference, I showed up at the joint one with him, as I'm supposed to. Came prepared with copies of the legal documents one for each teacher highlighting the portions pertaining to school. Halfwit stands up furious, scrapes chair back and flees out of the room. Much mirth had by all actual grownups present. That's just one of many such examples i usually don't bother to deal with but this time I was aggravated enough to address it.
Yeah! It would be a block buster! Imagine if we put her in a bunch of scenarios where she has to lie about being in a bunch of highly skilled positions. Like a doctor! Or a lawyer! or a VCR repair technician! Or an airline pilot! She would go all around the world avoiding people who wise up to her lies and trying to have her arrested.
Reminds me of the doc "The woman who wasn't there", about a woman who lied about being in WTC during 9/11 attacks and eventually became the leader of this group of real survivors.
Can you link which magazine?? Google returns numerous.. so although it's not specific, it would still be public.. Can you help us out?
I wonder if they ever ask them to provide medical background - like when they were diagnosed with blindness or to which degree.. That's super fucked up
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:32:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
She lied about being a sailor not a soldier.
aastle · 0 points · Posted at 17:40:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He told me he was the head of the Yakuza clan and they want him to go back to Cali to run it. He also told me he was raised by Buddhist Monks, and his Mom's a terrible person who hates him.
He's Cambodian. He has the patience of a six year old. And his mom used to give him a couple hundred every month when he roomed with one of my best friends. He honestly thinks we believe him.
That reminds me of a kid who attended my school, he told some rather tall, contradictory stories:
Being born in Russia... Or was is Australia?
An expert guitar player (he couldn't play for us, as he guitar was locked in the car)
Has weekly visits to Russia, Ireland and Australia. To all his multi-ethnic uncles, that happen to be experts in different fields of combat
Do not let his frail frame decieve you, this kid is an expert in weight-training and body building. Easily making 40 sets of 250kg leg presses, and is even kind enough to share his wisdom with actual bodybuilders on facebook
One detail he neglected to tell us, is that his sister is a nude model that was in a relationship with Paul Gascoigne (a famous football player), and has made various porn films... That actually turned out to be true.
Bing will aggregate porn sites based on what you search. For example: if you search multiple creampies, you are a dirty boy but bing will show you selections matching those terms from many sites. He was not joking. Bing is the porn search.
sounds like the kid was bullied and victimized. Had to make a scare story that he believed in maybe to avoid getting predated on. Obviously things were unstable if even his sister took it up the ass for $. Happy she' ok now, hope he is too. > Dannii Harwood
Somewhat similar: My best friend and I were living in Germany and she had a friend coming to visit with her new boyfriend, Jan. Said he was born and raised in Frankfurt or somewhere (this was awhile ago). He spoke flawless German and knew about the culture, sites, everything. After they left, it wasn't until a couple months later the friend called us and said she discovered it was all a lie. He was from Wisconsin or somewhere around there and Jan wasn't even his real name. Honestly, the guy was smooth. Not sure what he got out of that deception, as he paid my more than his share of the expenses.
I once knew a warehouse worker who claimed that he used to be Japan's premier heart surgeon. He claimed, that one day, a Yakuza boss needed a heart transplant, but during the operation, the Yakuza boss died. The Yakuza was very mad, so he smuggled himself in a fishing boat to America. He said he'd actually killed the Yakuza boss on purpose and it was his biggest secret, but he liked to tell everyone that would listen.
Dwight- · 216 points · Posted at 15:22:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's the worst part, when they think they believe you. We had this one friend in our group who would tell the most outrageous lies and to this day he thinks we see him as a womanizing dance instructor who also speaks french and is a black belt in some Vietnamese martial art. He's a pretty fat guy so you know all of this is bullshit but he think we buy his shit. We feel pretty sorry for him.
After meeting a number of Cambodians (my ex-wife is Cambodian), I have to say that I think the war REALLY fucked them up. A lot of really nice people, but some of them have some really fucked up lives.
Aye I know a guy who said something like that. He said hes the leader of an assassins guild who is also thousands of years old because he was trapped in a crystal. He also has a demon inside him named Freddy and he comes out when he gets mad.
Shinne · 1 points · Posted at 22:18:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
God damn Cambodians. Even embarrassing me on the internet.
As someone who's lived in California nearly all his life, I don't recall ever subscribing to some sort of cultural convention banning the term "Cali." I personally have never used the term, but I don't see anything wrong with it.
Any true Californian thinks "Cali" sounds fucking stupid because it is. SoCal and NorCal are acceptable but Cali is not. You'd just sound like an outsider moron.
Lying at 2 is a sign of advanced development so yay for your grandkid
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:23:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Haha that's what I was thinking. My daughter has just started telling small fibs at 8. And she didn't associate farts as bad or funny until at least six.
Ah, yes...the malleable reality of a two year old. Mine used to lie about her farts but now just announces them with glee after realising that they made me laugh.
One of my coworkers is legendary for fantastic tales.
As a child, he visited an Italian deli where the Mafia don sat in the back of the store. Each customer would kiss his ring as they passed by.
While serving as a Major in the Marines, he realized he left his lunch at home. No problem, he borrowed a Blackhawk, flew to his house and rappelled down to pick it up.
We work for the railroad and our freight line passes right next to the Milwaukee airport. Several years ago, a plane came in too low and its wheels scuffed the roof of the locomotive as it passed over.
And many more...
Fiennes · 118 points · Posted at 13:15:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So... who was controlling the Blackhawk whilst he rappelled down?
[deleted] · 410 points · Posted at 13:56:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Presumably an Army officer, since the Marine Corps doesn't use Blackhawks.
[deleted] · 23 points · Posted at 15:38:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
[deleted] · 37 points · Posted at 15:47:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Maybe even a pathological liar would understand that somebody willingly getting into an Osprey is completely unbelievable.
Osprey's are much safer than they were when they first came to the marine corps. Since operational use in 2007, they've had 3 crashes. They're about as safe as most helicopters, now. Which is to say, not. But just as good as the Blackhawks (almost)!
[deleted] · 4 points · Posted at 06:08:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Source: I am the entirety of Activision. Activision is a physical entity and I am that. The people who you see working are just actors I leave out to keep up the illusion. But with the release of the game after next l will finally go public and tell everyone... Cod was just a prank bro.
Well maybe if he was a general or some shit that could happen. The base general on 29 palms sometimes gets into an osprey from wherever he was at and fly's to the 'general's lawn' in the middle of base. Then he casually walks to his car and goes home. Only happened once while I was here but it was cool.
Greg, Greg was a compulsive liar, the likes of which have never been witnessed before on this planet.
Gregs real name is George, we call him Greg because he's so stupid, he'd likely misspell his own name - thus "Greg" was born.
Greg had many a fable that he tried to convince us were true.
Some of his more popular ones;
- He'd lost his virginity when he was 13 in France
- His dad was a notorious biker gangster
- He was wanted by local drug dealers for beating someone up
- He's had to beat someone with a bat for giving his sister shit.
I could go on with the list, but there was one time that sticks with us the most. It was Gregs 16th birthday, and we were all round his house having a few beers and whatnot.
As the evening went on, Gregs cousin wanted to go home (she lived 5 minutes walk away) so he and another friend walked her home.
On the journey to her house, they pass a local bar (where there's usually fights and whatnot) and it was getting heated out the front.
Greg, being the super hero that he is, decided to intervene and stop these Goliaths trying to kill one another.
When he got home, he recited a story with pure passion; "I ran in there, told them to calm down, and this one geezer was having none of it, and swung at me, so I ducked and hit him in the stomach and he dropped, and I booted another guy in the chest and headbutted him, then he tried to get up, so I got him in a choke hold and choked him the fuck out"
Whilst telling this story, and demonstrating the different hits he dealt out, my friend who was with them was waiting patiently behind him to finish his story.
Once Greg was finished with his little recap of events, my friend loud and clearly stated "No, Greg walked up, someone swung at him - missed, Greg fell over anyway, so we walked back"
Even Gregs mom was shocked at his level of commitment to his own lies.
Kunstfr · 856 points · Posted at 12:37:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
To be fair, France is the perfect place to lose your virginity younger. We have sex when we're 6 or 7 here.
That might be because I'm the president of the ninja mafia though, the position comes with benefits. Also, did I tell you about the time I killed two tigers with my bare hands?
I did die, but when the valkyrie came to take me to Tiger Valhalla I punched her in the mouth and ran away. Then I moved to a different town, dyed myself black, and created a new fake identity for myself as a panther.
Well, I did it with my bear hands. Yeah, I used two hands but they were bear hands. The real story is how I got those bear hands. I probably shouldn't tell, otherwise I'd have to kill you.
Anyways, one day I was hiking through the Glacier National Park (must see!). It had been 7 days of straight walking since we wanted to make it to the Canadian border before the Northern Lights started. So, we just walked and walked without sleep (the Lights won't wait for you!) and only eating the trail mix in our fanny packs. Anyways, suddenly, we came across a bear. My friend who was in charge of the bear mace pulled it out, and like the idiot he is, sprayed him self in the face. I had to think quick, so I got my charlie horse out and promptly injured the bear so severely, I had no choice to but to put it out of its misery. Again, luckily I had my trusty charlie horse with me.
Now, where did I get that charlie horse? Well, you see, when I traveled to Arabia back in my freshman year of college, I was stranded for 5 days out in the desert after my plane went down due mechanical failure. Disoriented from the explosion, dehydration, and the shock of having seen all my fellow travelers burn to a crisp, I pushed through it all until I cam across an oasis. There, I met a Bedouin procession who took me in. There, they gave me a horse: a tiny, but powerful amulet that they referred to as churlay, which I intentionally call "charlie" since it sounds way cooler.
Now, how did I get on that plane? Well, you see...
To be fair, I actually did lose my virginity in France on an exchange, when I was 13. Sadly I am an only child so never had to do the bat thing. Or any of the others.
I also know a George redubbed as a Greg. Even his parents accepted his new name. Although im pretty sure he didnt claim his dad was in a biker gang. Greg was just greg, a bit grubby, ol' Greg, Smegory, or just Smeg for short. Not a bullshitter but was really good at pulling macho lesbians...
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:50:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It was Gregs 16th birthday, and we were all round his house having a few beers and whatnot.
Really...
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:10:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My (now just ex) fiancee was is a habitual liar. I've known her since we were 15 (now 40's) and a few years ago we were running a pub.
One night after work and she had gone upstairs and I was sitting with staff two of them started asking me about her twin sister. She doesn't have a twin sister. Or a sister.
Guy I worked security with, told all sorts of horse shit but the 2 that stand out the most;
He was at a music festival when a group of police officers starting hassling him and his friends to empty there pockets out to check for drugs, the cops had a sniffer dog with them, when he refused to empty his pockets he claimed the officer would sick his dog onto him and he would be sorry. He refused and the officer let the dog go and ordered it to attack him, instead the dog came up to him and licked him affectionately as it turned out it was his dog as a puppy that he had to give away when he joined the army.
Speaking of being in the army, one night him and his army buddies where cruising around the city of Melboure, Australia, in an APC with all the weapons on board, it's was 2 am in the morning and they spotted lights on on the top of floor of an office building. Thinking there was a break in in progress they stormed the building and made it to the top floor only to find a group of cleaners there. When the police arrived, they declared the building under military lockdown and the only person who could rescind that order was the Prime Minister of Australia. They apparently had to wait 8 hours before they were allowed to relinquish control.
Reminds me on a friend of mine who's in the military (in austria), he told me how fun it was to be a passenger in the subway or busses while carrying his machine gun (AUG or Stg 77) in front of his body
I also did the military service and he claimed he was allowed to, yeah no way also, he sayed all people just looked at him, sure nobody would freak out
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 20:52:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Sure in countries like Albania or Israel that's no big deal, apparently that's also normal for Switzerland (didn't know) i assumed it would be almost the same in most of Europe but in austria It definitely isn't
In some countries it is perfectly normal for soldiers to carry their weapons around. My example is in Israel all military have to carry their weapons. A lot of times you get soldiers coming back from leave on the bus or train carrying their galil's or other guns it's common enough that no one looks twice. Coming from the US it was a bit of a shock at first but ya get used to it
Sure in some countries it's totally normal as it seems you aren't allowed to do that in the states either, in austria there would be a huge panic
Often enough people will call the police if they see someone carrying a pistol in a holster because they panic or whatever, then the police comes and checks if he has the license and tells him to hide it better so nobody can see it
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 14:06:49 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Uhm yes as mentioned I did the 6 month military service and 3 friends of mine also work for the military and I talked to them about what he told me and they all said there is now way that happend and how exactly the rules are
I don't know about Austria but in Switzerland, we always carry our gun around when we use public transport. That's nothing unusual. It's not absurd to think Austria handles it similar.
You are allowed to do that in Switzerland? Wow, in austria you aren't allowed to carry your gun in your bag using public transport or going to another barrack or anything, just in military vehicles (for us who did 6 months military service) people who are actually in the military are allowed to like have it in a bag in their car, just not visible (not talking about pistols ofc) the lower ranks need also permission to take their gun in a bag
Yes it's allowed. Normally you have your gun in your home or if you feel uncomfortable, you can store it at a special center, but if you go in for your yearly training, you obvously need your gun. So you see soldiers all the time with their gun. Exceptions are when you are on your weekend leave, then you don't need it, but apart from that everyone has to bring his gun to duty.
I live in Melbourne and that is the most easily disprovable lie I have ever heard.
I mean, it's pretty common knowledge in the rest of the world that we have pretty tight gun control, right? Also that we drive on the opposite side of the road, so an APC would have the wheel on the wrong side? And that declaring 'military control' would be considered an act of war?
wait the australian army? Or is he claiming they technically invaded australia by taking over an office building because they saw a light on? Why the fuck would the army be doing security for an office building? That guy is a terrible liar.
just casually cruising the city of Melbourne in an APC....Yep. Seems legit already.....
On a similar note, I remember an acquaintance I went to school with who's now a chopper pilot in the army claiming he'd flown in formation with a chopper that the PM (Gillard at the time) was riding in, and that all the pilots were just casually joking over the radio about how funny it'd be if one of them shot the PM down.
*edit: somehow wrote 'polite' instead of 'pilot'
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 02:46:36 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Gillard
Ok, it wouldn't have been so bad.
p3ng1 · 2 points · Posted at 02:01:44 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
It probably took so long because they had to figure out who the current prime minister was
This kid i went to high school with was a compulsive liar. There are a few stories he's shared with us, but there's one that stands out from all the rest. He told the whole class that his father was the president of Alaska in the 90s.
I know a guy that lies constantly, He even draws disability based on lies. Anyways, the biggest lie is that in 2008 when the economy crashed he says he went to Alaska and worked on a fishing boat. Worked 14 hour days and yada yada yada.
Some of his other lies are also derived from TV shows. He tells stories about crimes that happened, but I have also watched CSI:NY.
His tales of love are usually derived from the show Friends.
i recorded that clip and wanted to use it as an intro to a death metal song of some type. never worked out, but it sure would work well in that context.
I know this same guy! His name is Chip, he installed my cable! We were friends for a while until he turned out to be a real creep. I found out he was lying about working for the cable company and his name wasn't even Chip. Real name was Jim something. He's an actor. He was in Cable Guy with Ben stiller.
His tales of love are usually derived from the show Friends.
There was a kid in high school like that. One Monday he told us of this sick weekend he had when going out for a late night snack. After he told the story we were like, " Rob, isn't that the plot of Harold and Kumar?"
He insisted he never saw the movie but he pretty much described the whole thing except for meeting Neil Patrick Harris
I have. I dismissed his stories in front of his niece. She seemed to agree that I was right.
One particular story was about a judge charging people an illegal fee. Guy refuses to pay it and the judge writes him a letter saying he is the first one to catch it in 50 years. I called BULLSHIT. No judge is going to admit to 50 years of crimes. No judge is going to tell someone they ripped off every single person that ever came before them.
willun · 5 points · Posted at 13:03:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
How old was this judge that had been a judge for 50 years....
If he really does draw disability based on his lies, then that's fraud. That's the sort of thing that if found out, he'd be in quite a bit of trouble. I really like when karma hits pathological liars, so I hope someone reports him.
Okay. So funny thing about his ex girlfriend. It's not Rachel but it's Leeta.
I didn't know she was fake for a long time.
Then one day I found out there was a character on Deep Space 9 named Leeta.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:06:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
His biggest lie was that he worked on a fishing boat?
I mean it is one of the most common professions out there. And, Alaska is home to many of the biggest fisheries on the planet. What is so unlikely about this "lie"?
It didn't happen I can promise you. He worked as a cardboard crusher.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:29:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Alright...but OP was asking what is the most ridiculous story someone told you.
If a friend lied about working for the postal service or at a poultry plant for a few months I wouldn't really qualify it as the biggest lie I have ever heard...
We are in a small town. One does not simply go to Alaska and cut up fish.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:43:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
If all you have is a high-school diploma going to Alaska to fish is super common.
It's a billion dollar industry that is dependent on cheap labor power. You know what they lack in Alaska? Cheap labor power.
Just to use myself as an example. I am from a very very small European town...my dad had tons of friends that went to Alaska to fish. Later in life I moved to Wisconsin, a couple of friends I made there went to Alaska to fish. Then, when I moved to Seattle I knew a ton of people that went to fish in Alaska.
But it didn't happen. That's all I can tell you. The point I am making is.....he tells lies based on what he watches on TV.
Poker tournaments.
Fishing.
Cheers.
Friends.
Star Trek.
CSI and NCIS.
He does this all the time.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:50:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sure...I get that he lied...it is just that it is not a ridiculous lie. Just look at what other redditors have posted in this thread. Lying about being a fisherman is pretty mild stuff...it is about as "spicy" as lying about being a cardboard crusher...
Actually, quite a few people do work the fishing boats in Alaska. Dirty stinky work, long hours, etc. They process salmon for the canneries, not so much the fishing part.
Anyways, the biggest lie is that in 2008 when the economy crashed he says he went to Alaska and worked on a fishing boat. Worked 14 hour days and yada yada yada.
What's so unbelievable about this part? I mean, i figure you know the guy well enough to know if it's a lie, but at face value, it's completely believable.
Ah, okay I gotcha. I can see how that would be especially annoying. I could never trust somebody like that. At least when people are over the top with their tales, it's easy to pick out the fact from fiction.
I know Drs make the call... but letting lawyers in on it is backwards. At least shop around until you find a Dr disreputable enough to sign your form, then when enough crooked patients are on the same crooked Dr the Dr can be targeted & all signed patients can be reviewed (not automatically guilty of fraud). Letting lawyers in on it lets honest Drs carry the weight of crooked patients and then you loose your checks & balances.
"This man is sick, because without any medical training, I have a law degree and know these things."
du4ko · 1 points · Posted at 07:28:49 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Is it so unbelievable to work on a fishing boat in Alaska, I have always wanted to try it up, but as I am from Europe it is kinda hard being a developer in Europe while fishing in Alaska :(
Michael is, as near as anyone can tell, a pathological liar. He's one of those fellows who has to trump everyone's story with one of his own, and somehow, he always winds up being an insanely attractive action hero in them. I've heard Michael talk about how he was "issued access" to a fighter jet at age seventeen, how he once saved the President from some plot or another, and how he had an impromptu threesome with some "very famous celebrity and her sister" in the Sacramento river.
Suffice to say, the guy isn't exactly believable... but perhaps his worst lie was one that took him the entire evening to tell.
In the town where I grew up, there would be a weekly event called "The Chef's Market." Since there wasn't a whole lot else to do in the area, my friends and I would frequently spend our Friday evenings there, wasting what little money we had on slabs of barbecued meat and cups of too-sweet lemonade. On one such occasion, a local party coordinator had set up an inflatable stage of sorts, on which two contestants were encouraged to knock each other off low platforms using weapons that looked rather like enormous Q-tips. It seemed like a lot of fun, so I offered to pay for any of my friends who wanted to spar against me.
"Oh, I can't," Michael chimed in (before anyone else).
"It's okay," I said, "I'll pay for you, if you want." Truth be told, I was hoping he'd decline so that I could pay for one of my other friends to try it with me. Fortunately, that's exactly what happened.
Michael shook his head. "No, I'm very opposed to violence unless it's absolutely necessary."
"This isn't violence," another of my friends said. "It's just fun."
"You guys don't understand," protested Michael. "If I go in that ring with you, I will kill you. I won't have a choice."
A few eye-rolls were passed around the group. "Why is that, Michael?" someone asked.
"It's my training," he said. "Once I get into a combat state, I can't stop until I've killed someone."
Now, Michael was (clearly) not someone that we spent much time around by choice, and none of us were too keen on talking him into an activity that he was clearly afraid of trying. My other friends and I went a few rounds, knocked each other down a few times, and figured we'd head off to find a drink. As soon as we started walking, though, Michael started into the next leg of his story.
"Do you guys know why I have that training?" he asked.
"Because you're a ninja!" someone sarcastically replied.
Michael nodded. "Yes. I was trained in Kung Fu from a very young age, and I got so good that my family got run out of the last town where we lived." Nobody said anything. We certainly didn't ask him to continue... but he did anyway. "They even hatched a plot to try and get me thrown in prison. This girl broke into my house one night and tried to seduce me... but I had a girlfriend, so I turned her away. That's when she went to the police and tried to say that I raped her."
"How terrible," someone muttered.
"Don't encourage him!" hissed someone else.
Michael's voice took on a very grave aspect. "Fortunately, I was friends with the owner of the hospital. He helped me after I accidentally killed my Karate teacher." Someone made a comment about the difference between Karate and Kung Fu, but Michael either didn't hear them or pressed onward anyway. "He tested the girl himself, and he found semen in her vagina... but it wasn't mine... and it wasn't human." He waited for a reaction. When it didn't come, he escalated even further. "That started a rumor that I was a genetically engineered super-soldier, because of how powerful I am. We had to leave town for my parents' safety, because I couldn't always be there to protect them."
Once again, nobody said anything, save for a few murmurs of "Uh-huh." Thankfully, Michael seemed to have exhausted himself for the evening... until he asked one of us to pay for his dinner.
Nobody was surprised when he had a really insane reason for being broke.
TL;DR: A genetically engineered super-soldier had to flee with his parents after being accused of both rape and murder... and that's why he needs you to buy his burrito.
To be honest, there were times when I envied Michael's apparent creativity. If the fellow had decided to pursue fiction-writing as a career, he'd have become the next Stephen King.
[deleted] · 427 points · Posted at 12:43:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I really fucking hate this trend of /r/thathappened on reddit. Just move on if you don't believe it, why do they have to argue to the death that some story may or may not be true?
In fairness to the folks calling me out, I do post rather more frequently than many people, and I have a habit of being pretty long-winded. When combined with the fact that I can spin just about any mundane occurrence into a story, I probably start to seem a bit disingenuous.
At the same time, though, it makes me sad that well-written anecdotes are immediately dismissed as fiction. I'm not even worried about my own work in that regard (as I said, I'm happy to offer proof of my stories); I'm disappointed that we've come to expect typos and misspellings as being marks of truth.
[deleted] · 31 points · Posted at 15:38:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I think it's the way you lay them out, but being able to tell a cohesive, crafted story based on real experiences is a great skill that I'd love to have. I think people also expect it to have the cadence and rhythm of speech, but we're not speaking, so I'm not sure why it's weird for you to lay out a thoughtfully-crafted narrative.
Utming · 17 points · Posted at 16:14:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I dont understand the argument of "You have stories for all the threads you comment on". Why would you comment had you not had a story?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 04:25:40 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I comment on shit I've got nothing to say about all the time.
Utming · 2 points · Posted at 04:43:25 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
If you comment on something... you have something to say about it...
Don't worry, Ramses. I believe your stories, and love the way you write. You really can turn a mundane situation (I have a friend we didn't quite like who lies a lot.) into a fun and well-written anecdote!
It's not spelling and grammar. It's that everybody on Reddit has such boring fucking lives that they can't believe when something interesting happens to somebody else. You could have had this on video and some asshole would have questioned it.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 16:47:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
If you can come up with something I can offer you that wouldn't compromise Michael's privacy, have at it. I'll also make the same offer I did elsewhere in the thread: Feel free to find any one of my stories in my submission history that only includes me, and that you think I should be able to prove. I will then prove it to you. There are no limitations or caveats (other than the privacy one).
In all seriousness, I'd like to think that the line between fiction and fact is pretty damned evident, but apparently it's too much to expect people to find it on their own.
wund3r · -1 points · Posted at 00:05:20 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hey bro...people can tell when you're kissing your own ass. Your story is manufactured and everyone can hear your pompous fucking cadence as they read it. If you speak in the same way that you write, you're probably severely disliked amongst your peers. Join me.... I'll show you how to shitpost like a god.
Sorry, but the only downvote troll I support is /u/DW-Im-Here.
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 19:18:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Right? It was entertaining. Why get hung up on whether it's 100% true?
I, too, embellish my true stories a bit for effect. They still happened, but some of the ambience detail;s may be exaggerated. It's a story telling tactic.
Thats what they do though.They leave a "r/that happened" comment and move on to the next post .The OP gets furious that his bs didn't succeed.Stupid fucks that believed him,get angry as well.And it ends with comments like these
I've known a pathological lair before, as you said they are very clever with extreme grandiose and the story just keeps getting crazy every day.
The guy I know lost the love of his life in "a great war down in vietnam", she died in his arms. He was a "psy-soldier elite" and had to escape from the jungle. Also kept a wide range of performance enhancing chemicals on hand with his own underground laboratory...(We were playing a lot of Red Alert at the time.)
He could talk about this all day long in SUPER DETAIL without thinking about it in advance.
Tbh I don't know why people even care if it's true or not. Even if you made this all up I found it entertaining and a good story/anecdote and worthy of being read.
That's more the result of the Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon than anything else. I'm certainly around a lot, but the combination of my memorable name, my writing style, and my tendency to turn mundane memories into comical stories makes me seem like I show up more often than I do.
Furthermore, it's not hard to find a tangent to make just about anything relevant, provided that you're willing to look at the right details.
Now, watch closely as the wild Ramses Pigeon deftly dodges dangerous conspirators with its skills of perfectly reasoned explanations, once again guiding them softly away from the truth; the Pigeon's Nest, decorated with the bodies of the countless souls whose memories and lives it has consumed to fuel its hunt for Internet Points.
That's a useful skill though, something that's not easily taught. I know IQ tests aren't a formidable test of intelligence but I never underestimate people who can write well.
zue3 · 2 points · Posted at 15:42:42 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah, both ramses and Edgar always have a relevant, interesting story. Question is, why would two people with such seemingly interesting lives spend them on reddit?
I don't believe anything these two write anymore, but at least they're entertaining.
Yea, he always seems to have these super interesting detailed stories relevant to just about every thread. Either /u/RamsesThePigeon is literally the most interesting man and/or woman in the world, or they're a pathological liar that happens to be a great story-teller...
For Michael, it would definitely be non-fiction, otherwise he'd be admitting that none of it was true.
My ex-boyfriend in high school told me the whopper that his father worked for the CIA and killed seven men at once. He said his father was also well connected to the mafia and was an illegitimate son of Joseph Bonanno. There is a passing resemblance, but nothing I'd consider eerie.
I had a hard time buying the whole Bonanno story because his grandmother who supposedly had relations with Joseph Bonanno was from Northern Italy (Lucca) and was VERY snobby about it. She woudn't have been caught dead talking to anyone from south of Florence, much less Sicily.
He also told me once that the reason he stood me up was because a member of the Getty family had invited him aboard their private jet. He said no, but he gave the woman a ride to the airport. He says he watched her get into the spendy jet, and that he had rescued her from some misfortune (mugging? Can't remember anymore...). It was such a farfetched lie I just hung up.
I feel like this is something a pathological liar would say in order to, in their mind at least, throw you off by adding the unnecessary bit to make it seem more believable.
Always? Really? I have maybe one successful post a day if I really devote myself to it, but I'm memorable enough that it seems like I'm around more often than is the case. (Having a name like "RamsesThePigeon" tends to make one stand out.)
For starters, why would anyone put up with a pathological liar such as that?
I didn't. He just hung around. I've explained that elsewhere in the thread.
You write better in a comment online than I do in fiction writing.
Again, why is that a problem? I'm frankly bothered by the fact that typos, misspellings, and grammar errors are not only acceptable, but apparently encouraged if one is to be believed online.
Thirdly, the 'story' Michael spoke about is literally, painfully and obviously fake.
Yes, that is the point of the thread.
You're bullshitting about someone you know who is a massive bullshitter.
I'm speaking factually - albeit in a stylized manner - about someone I knew. I haven't spoken to the fellow in years, and you've already hit on the reason why.
If I tell a story in the first person, it's true. I'm also happy to provide proof whenever I have it, provided that doing so wouldn't compromise someone else's privacy.
There have been three exceptions in the entire time that I've been on Reddit, and two of them should have been pretty damned obvious as being fiction.
If I tell a story in the first person, it's true. I'm also happy to provide proof whenever I have it, provided that doing so wouldn't compromise someone else's privacy.
There have been three exceptions in the entire time that I've been on Reddit, and two of them should have been pretty damned obvious as being fiction.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 15:57:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hah, no... although the San Francisco Ghost Tour featured in the book was based in fact, and the fellow who offered it is a real person.
[deleted] · 328 points · Posted at 13:19:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It would be awesome if just then a helicopter landed and Obama jumped out and was like "oh my god there you are! The generals need you Michael!" And they flew off
Boloar · 265 points · Posted at 16:06:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
And they flew off
... Taking the neighbor's dog who is also called Michael and is actually none other than HYPNODOG ALL HAIL HYPNODOG
goddoll · 108 points · Posted at 10:49:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I think I've met this variant of Michael a few times in my life. The phrase 'every third Mike should be shot' comes to mind.
[deleted] · 73 points · Posted at 12:02:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Kinda crazy, cuz the guy I know like this is also named mike. He had this whole thing a couple years ago, as I'm letting him stay on my couch. He claims he gave his mom a kidney during this time. I believe that his mom was sick, reason for apparently giving the kidney. However, he "recovered" quickly, was back at my place the day after surgery with no meds, wouldn't show me the cut. I just don't know why he would make such a thing up. But hey that's mike.
He just has a remarkable healing factor, the scars healed so quickly it would've been both pointless to show you but also made you aware of his super - human abilities. It's for your own safety, really.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:47:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Lol right. Except the kid is the biggest pussy ever. I feel bad for his parents dude lies to them all the time to get cash. He's like 31 and has never really had a job. It's sad.
Lies like this are so weird. No apparent gain. Doesn't even make you seem cooler or anything. You just...needed a kidney? Alright.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 19:35:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He said he gave his kidney to his mom. I'm not saying his mom wasn't sick cuz he definitely was upset about something. But don't think he really gave a kidney.
The Lyin' Mike I knew said he was ex-special forces. And color blind.
These things are mutually exclusive. I'm more inclined to believe the color blindness, but honestly, not by much.
It was pretty cool when he started saying something else I don't remember that was unusual about himself, and one of the other guys told him "No, you're not. You're a standard average dude. Shut the fuck up."
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 12:04:18 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Lol that's awesome. The mike I know also claims to be color blind. I believe him about that tho. He's almost ran multiple red lights cuz he claimed they looked green
I know a similar Michael. He got drunk once, and started attacking a friend (also Michael), after everyone pulled him off, he started bawling on his knees begging for forgiveness, and that he was trained by the government to kill in 30 seconds
Guy I was best friends with in junior high/high school was like this. We'd call him a chronological liar, because he has to tell so many lies per hour or the world would burst. The funny thing is, dude's actually led a pretty incredible life, he's been through a lot of crazy shit that I've witnessed myself, he just can't go without adding to it. I was with him, someone tried to hold us up at a gas station with a knife, this buddy of mine had a concealed carry, drew his gun and chased the kid off. When it comes time to tell other people, this kid had two sawed-off shotguns....
Another time, one of his closest friends was stabbed in the face by a skinhead, somehow, it turned into my buddy was the one who was stabbed in the face.....
Eventually all of his stories were no longer his, they where everyone elses with him as the new hero or victim. He started to pretend he was me and then shit got creepy and now we aren't friends....
Oh I'm much better off. It hit a point where he was legit trying to replace me with everyone. Pretty sure if I didn't separate that friendship I'd be a lamp or skin suit by now.
Wow, never heard this before. I know exactly three Mikes, and while I generally don't advocate violence, it wouldn't exactly be a loss to society if one of them bit it.
I'm glad I ninja flipped the gun at of the hands of the "Michael Murderer"
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 19:08:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Me too, except it was a girl and her name was Andrea. In middle school she liked to tell a story about how she got into a gang fight and was stabbed 4 times in the stomach. But she had no scars because her friend is an excellent plastic surgeon. We were in 6th grade! There are so many other weird things she did and said. Last I heard she's pregnant now and in a happy relationship, so that's good.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 20:28:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A friend of mine has a boyfriend named Mike. He is cool to hang out with about 2/3 of the time. The other 1/3 he either gets pervy with everyone in the group or starts saying weird racist shit.
That's a much better ratio than most. Though, I've known ones that never say weird pervy shit at all. Those are the best, and usually the ones with a pseudonym. The really cool one I know has a couple: demon keeper, and culdren of death. He is exempt of most Mike problems. Even his topper stories are fun.
Back when I was around 12-14 years old my best mate once related to us a story of how a squad of SAS burst through his front door and asked for his help in hunting down a werewolf. I mean, I don't know where these people get it but they are so self deluded that I think they actually believe these things have happened.
He's still my bestest buddy 15 or so years later and thankfully he doesn't lie so much. He still bullshits about stuff though. He likes to be the person who has an in depth knowledge about everything. Even though he clearly doesn't. It gets particularly frustrating when he's talking about something you have intricate knowledge of because if you call him on it he will literally just talk over you to assert his "intellectual dominance".
Good lord.
[deleted] · 65 points · Posted at 14:45:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have a friend who told some pretty wild stories. Later in life, we were reminded of that and he explained it this way:
More or less a quote: I didn't mean to lie, really. Like many/most kids, I'd fantasize about being a hero, being impossibly strong or whatever. Then, I would recall one of those scenarios, think about it some more...and some more. Eventually, I'd thought about it so much, played it over and over in my mind so often that it actually became real to me.
Aior · 3 points · Posted at 18:37:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted] · 8 points · Posted at 15:20:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I mean, I don't know where these people get it but they are so self deluded that I think they actually believe these things have happened.
I think you're right. There have been studies done showing that
whenever you recall a memory, you change it a bit. You remember it a bit differently each time and eventually you often don't remember it correctly at all. So maybe this kid once had someone knock on his door and say "there's a fox on the prowl so be careful. If you see it, let me know," and over time this morphed into the SAS kicking his door down looking for a werewolf.
I have a friend that knows enough buzz words about just about any topic to bullshit his way into sounding like an expert. He uses it as a party trick instead of living his life that way. It was hilarious when he would use his "gift" on someone new to the group and convince them he was a surgeon or something.
How did you remain friends? theres no way i could consistently hang out with someon i knew would lie about possibly EVERYTHING, lol.
not judging, just curious.
Yeah, I remember being on that SAS team 15 years ago. I had just made it through selection and it was my first paranormal mission. Needless to say I caught the werewolf myself. I got my first VC for that.
"My distant great-uncle died in a chainsaw accident but I was saving the First Lady so I didn't have the chance to fly back in my personalized F-15 MegaFighter Jet to save him"
This is like those Labyrinth doors... If /u/RamsesThePigeon says 'yes' then a pathological liar is saying yes... but if he says 'no' then that's exactly what a pathological liar would answer.....
Haha. I'm glad you translated the solution to this... Everytime it comes up I understand while reading the explanations and expounding replies on that, then immediately forget the solution later.
Once, he invited a bunch of people over for a cookout that he was hosting, and he requested that everyone bring something. Now, if it had only been a package of hotdogs or what have you, that would have been fine... but some people were asked to bring things like a tank of propane or an entire grill. Michael also asked everyone to pitch in $10 for something that was never adequately explained. (Most of us were pretty sure that he just pocketed it.)
It was at that cookout that I heard the story of his alleged threesome with the actress and her sister. I also got to hear about how he almost assassinated Osama bin Laden, but that his commanding officer didn't give the order to kill fast enough.
Like I said, the guy is an attractive action hero in his fantasies, which he is not shy about sharing.
If you don't mind me asking, how did you first meet this guy? And are you still friends with him, or have you tried to cut him out since he likes to exaggerate so much?
No, I'm not personally still in contact with him, but a few of my friends occasionally have passing encounters.
As for how we met, it was at one of those aforementioned Chef's Markets. A mutual acquaintance introduced him to my group of friends, and he just kind of glommed on to us after that.
My friends in high school affectionately referred to it as "the ol' scrape maneuver" always followed by miming scraping mud off your shoe onto the nearest solid edge.
I promise to make up tons of shit if you pay for my way.
I could tell you about the time I was trapped in an oasis in the Sahara. I had managed to construct a crude still using my wristwatch and some insect exoskeletons. A local bigshot heard about it, and challenged me for ownership of the oasis.
That's how I got my first harem. You won't believe how I got my fourth.
He reminds me of someone I used to know, but his name wasn't Michael. In case he's on here, let's just call him C. C was a horrible compulsive liar in a similar manner to Michael, in which he believed he was from Germany and that his dad was a mad scientist.
This was in 4th grade, so my whole class wasn't exactly skeptic about it. He'd go about telling people their German names and it'd be complete gibberish. I remember mine was something like Codeikez. He also told us his dad was a scientist who made his drawings and plush animals come alive by stuffing rats guys and cat brains inside them.
And to top it all off, he wore flame button ups, sunglasses, cargo shorts, and he would stuff his underwear full of sand at recess. I'm not talking like a handful, he'd shove a good quart of the stuff in there. It'd look like he was wearing a diaper. There was lots of conflicts when a kid actually from Germany moved to my school, and called him out on his crap.
[deleted] · 4 points · Posted at 13:18:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
But I thought once he entered kill mode he had to take a life?
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 15:16:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
If I knew someone like this, I would top everything they said with a similar, but more outrageous story. For example when he said he almost assassinated Osama Bin Laden, I'd say, "Well when I was in the army we had a top-secret time machine. I was sent back in time and almost assassinated Hitler," and crap like that. See if he realises you're making fun of him or not.
Nobody asked him how he reconciled with the idea that once he's in a combat state, he must kill, but he didn't kill Osama bin Laden due to not receiving an order?
I'd have had tons of fun with this guy trying to get him to story himself into a contradiction.
The story itself was a meandering mess of questionable details, but the general gist of things went as follows: Michael had been visiting the Sacramento river for an event that involved traversing several miles via inner tube. Being the shrewd individual that he was, the fellow had opted to bring an inflatable mattress along instead. This proved to be a good decision on his part, because he soon encountered the actress in question - again, he didn't offer her name - and her equally attractive sister... and they had somehow forgotten to bring inner tubes to the river with them.
Michael wasted no time in offering the obvious solution. He invited the two girls to join him on the inflatable mattress, and they made their way downstream shortly thereafter. It was evident from the get-go that both the actress and her sibling found their host to be unbearably attractive, and Michael started worrying that he'd have to choose between them. Then, as if fate had chosen that moment to intervene, their makeshift raft was swept over to a hidden lagoon, where it ran aground in the shallows.
Things get a bit fuzzy at that point, but supposedly, one of the young women spontaneously decided to take her top off. This prompted the other to do the same, after which they encouraged Michael to strip down. One thing led to another, and before long, the three of them were coming together for a passionate romp in the water.
I'm not entirely sure why they didn't just use the inflatable mattress.
There was really no point in calling him out on anything. Each argument would just prompt another excuse or fabricated story, until there were too many lies to remember.
Besides, none of us really cared enough about the guy to exert that much effort. It sounds a bit cruel, but when every interaction you have with someone is mostly made-up, you get tired of them pretty quickly.
[deleted] · 15 points · Posted at 12:43:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know what you mean. I have known a few people who make up stories that are obviously bull, though never anybody quite as bad a Mike. Even though everybody knows these people are lying, nobody wants to call them out on it. We would rather just wait till they shut up and get on with our lives.
Well, sometimes it's fun to enter the play. Last week I was talking with a friend and a Mike. I say something about "SomeTown" and Mikes runs to say "Ey, that's my town, I borned there!"
My friends just go "sigh... Mike, your have born in a lot of places". Then continue our conversation like nothing had happened.
I used to have a friend like that. Once he told me he threw a paper airplane so hard that it broke the sound barrier and caught fire. If you call him on it he'll just start telling you about how the government has legally prohibited him from doing it because it's too dangerous or something, so sometimes it's better to just go "Oh that's cool" and just let it be. :)
You do realize mike's a rapist murderer and covers up his own insanity with manufactured stories right? He did mention that, as best as I'd stick around to confirm anyways. Just node accordingly he probably has somebody in a home made well. Don't be a hero their already dead. Any Co workers just up and "quit"?
No, it doesn't sound cruel enough. Why the fuck would you hang out with someone like that? If you were little kids that's one thing, but if not I don't understand why you wouldn't just ignore him.
I didn't spend time around him by choice. Literally the only time that I ever made the conscious decision to in his presence was during a cookout, the story of which I offered elsewhere in the thread.
Is there some medical reason or something to save his sanity that you and your friends have not just said "Michael, your full of shit, your a pathilogical liar and honestly I could give less of a fuck how you react to that FACT"?
It doesn't dawn upon pathological liars that they've lied. Even when confronted with fact they make up some excuse or just try to cover it up with more lies.
[deleted] · 9 points · Posted at 12:52:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
But then how does one correct someone who is incorrect? People are so afraid of being wrong and being corrected that they regard someone correcting them as hostile. And the term "Grammar Nazi" doesn't help with this- I mean, associating someone who has an eye for grammar and spelling with the 'bad guys' of WWII isn't exactly flattering.
I just posted about a guy that I worked with, but I worked with another guy who was also full of "stories". One of our friends was gonna call him out on something and we begged him not to. The stories were so entertaining that we wanted them to keep going.
Because then he'd go into rage mode and wouldn't be able to stop until he's killed you with his Kung Fu Karate Ninjutsu which is totally all one single martial art. :O
People who lie like that more often than not have an accompanying mental condition.
In fact, what he is describing is almost 1 to 1 what I encountered once at a mental hospital. Suffice to say, it transcends just bullshitting and goes into the "straight up delusional" territory.
cdc194 · 3 points · Posted at 13:33:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hey, I've read a few of your stories and think you'd be cool to hang out with, I would have gladly beat the fuck out of you with that giant q-tip (we called them pugile sticks in the Army).
My best friend is like this. Exactly like this. It used to not be so bad, but it's gotten so much worse in the last few years. I think it started out as compensation when we were in high school, and just escalated from there. Used to, it was things that may or may not have been bullshit, but always made for good party stories, and made him the life of the party. He's a likeable guy, actually, and a very loyal friend, but for some reason, here lately, he's been buying up guns and ammunition along with tactical equipment and bullet proof vests, ammunition reloading equipment and basically has his own munitions supply in his bedroom closet.
He tells stories about his dad, a 'Nam vet, being part of a secret service when my buddy was a kid. Apparently, the only way his dad could relieve himself of service was to sign my friend up for the same service, which meant that at the age of 16, he would be required to go upstate for the summer and train. The thing is, I spent every summer with him when we were kids.
Anyway, at the age of 23, he completed his last mission, and was allowed to leave the service for his outstanding performance. Nowadays, he apparently curbs his appetite for tracking down bad guys by looking up drug dealers, threatening them, and taking their stash to sell to "contacts" of his.
It makes me sad, because this new persona isn't my friend I've always known, and we aren't friends like we used to be, because I don't know him anymore. I don't know why he feels the need to compensate. He got into his University on grades alone, is incredibly smart, and is one year away from being a veterinarian, and graduating at the top of his class. And what's crazy is he can actually do shit like pick locks, is a decently skilled marksman, and is very handy with things like building, automotive work, and electronics. Hell, we built a 3D printer together a few years ago. I mean, he's way interesting enough on his own....so why go to the extremes?
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 16:00:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This girl I used to be friends with tried to convince me she was a vampire, and that she had powers, and she could make her will manifest into reality just by thinking. She would rub her jaw because her "fangs" hurt and she would complain that she was hungry, and when suggested that she eat something, she would insist that we "didn't understand what she was hungry for," and clench her stomach. I thought surely, no one is more desperate for attention than this.
DIFTL_ · 3 points · Posted at 05:55:44 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have a Michael in my life, except it's a bit more of a problem, just throw in being a Kleptomaniac on top of being a pathological liar. I live with him, that's the "more of a problem" part..
Example: One morning I could not find my work shoes, I thoroughly checked under the couches/ under laundry/ both my cars/ the entire house. I told myself to take photos because I knew he'd borrowed them for a show he had the night before. I grabbed my old pair of shoes and went on my way, and texted him "have you seen my shoe?"
He replied a few hours later "Yeah they were under the couch, you have to make sure you check well because our dog pushes them under there.."
** this has happened with a belt, a shirt, a bottle of maple syrup (yes.. Syrup) as well as some dollar coins I had put away. **
I knew a guy like this. Everyone would roll their eyes when he started talking. He and his dad taught Soviet special forces martial arts (in Russia, in 1988), he was immune to alcohol because of his German heritage (saw him passed-out drunk more times than I can count), he was Elvis Presley's proper heir, but the estate screwed him, whatever.
His roommate got him to shut up. I was over doing homework with him (because other than the stories, he was an OK dude and a fellow student) and he started in with a story, and the roommate said "Aaron, where's the rope?" Aaron replied softly, "In the closet" and said nothing more.
I was baffled. I asked, "What rope?"
The roommate said, "What rope, Aaron?"
Aaron put his head in his hands and quietly said, "It's the one I use to tie one hand behind my back."
Dammit! Different Michael then! But boy do they sound similar, especially that "I can't get into phisical altercations because I'm scared I'll kill someone. My coach said I was too powerful for my own good..."
If he didn't lie about being a ninja, he would be the friend who always lies and says he "left his wallet at home" or "would pay you back" ... two lies I have heard far too many times.
I knew a guy like that that I worked with for seven years. He had an excuse for every occasion to weasel out of paying. He left his wallet at home every time we went fishing, I left my smokes at the shop, got one? Aside from showing up at your door to chit chat and have a quick beer, he did mention being chased to work by bears all the time. Once, he said while walking to work he lost his smokes cause a skunk with a mayo jar stuck on it's head chased him.
Are you sure you are not friends with Micheal Bay? He could have came here from the future and made his movies based on your reaction aka Transformers is your fault
nelfoo · 2 points · Posted at 13:47:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Something rather interesting about pathological liars is that they actually tend to believe their own lies, so it's more likely he just believed himself, and thought others believed him
source: www.psychiatrictimes.com/articles/pathological-lying-symptom-or-disease
"It has been observed that pathological liars believe their lies to the extent that the belief may be delusional", quickest example I could find.
I ask because shortly after I left the town, the Chef's Market was switched to Thursday nights... and following that, it went the way of the dodo. I still go back to Napa every now and then, but Friday nights just aren't the same anymore.
Anyway, I figure you and I might have crossed paths at some point.
No I'm closer to 40. The chefs market doesn't exist anymore. Thursday nights sucked. By then I had a good job and didn't want to hang out during the weekday when I had work the next day.
This is my oldest brother. His name is Michael. He's a "one-upper." Will contradict his own statements within a matter of seconds. I can only tolerate him for about 15 minutes every two or three months.
No, my book - the one that's easily available, anyway - is fiction. With that said, I have told the above tale on Reddit before. I'm flattered that you remember!
Which celebrity? I feel like we're all overlooking the funniest lie here, because the "in the Sacramento River" is so oddly specific. Usually good liars know how to keep just enough details vague, but not Michael. Michael will tell you who, what, where, when, and how because Michael is committed.
The story itself was a meandering mess of questionable details, but the general gist of things went as follows: Michael had been visiting the Sacramento river for an event that involved traversing several miles via inner tube. Being the shrewd individual that he was, the fellow had opted to bring an inflatable mattress along instead. This proved to be a good decision on his part, because he soon encountered the actress in question - again, he didn't offer her name - and her equally attractive sister... and they had somehow forgotten to bring inner tubes to the river with them.
Michael wasted no time in offering the obvious solution. He invited the two girls to join him on the inflatable mattress, and they made their way downstream shortly thereafter. It was evident from the get-go that both the actress and her sibling found their host to be unbearably attractive, and Michael started worrying that he'd have to choose between them. Then, as if fate had chosen that moment to intervene, their makeshift raft was swept over to a hidden lagoon, where it ran aground in the shallows.
Things get a bit fuzzy at that point, but supposedly, one of the young women spontaneously decided to take her top off. This prompted the other to do the same, after which they encouraged Michael to strip down. One thing led to another, and before long, the three of them were coming together for a passionate romp in the water.
I'm not entirely sure why they didn't just use the inflatable mattress.
Holy sh... why didn't anybody say to him to shut up? Or making fun of him by playing into his story so they get even wilder until at some point he overplays at the wrong time in front of the wrong person? Or ... are you michael... telling a story for a few upvotes ... oO
There was no point in telling him to shut up. He'd fill any holes we poked in his stories with more lies, until we wound up with a bunch of fractal falsehoods to which nobody wanted to pay any attention.
Nexaz · 2 points · Posted at 15:14:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was half expecting this to end with tree-fiddy or something else similar. Thanks.
It was something to do with a meet-and-greet, if I recall correctly. He'd been asked to visit the President, and a sniper had used that opportunity to attack. Fortunately, Michael had been shaking the President's hand at the time, so he just yanked on the man's arm - dislocating it in the process - and pulled him from the path of the bullet. The Secret Service tackled Michael after that, but everything got sorted out in the end.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 15:24:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
man, won't your face be red when it comes out that entire story is true and your best friend in the world and number one pal Michael reveals his genetic super powers to save you from that evil female ninja.
I was issued access to an SR-71 when I was around 6 or 7.
By "issued access," I mean they let me stand on it...under close supervision...when it was my turn...at the Intrepid Sea, Air, and Space Museum in Manhattan.
Jelen1 · 2 points · Posted at 15:48:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I went to high school with a Michael O___ who told very similar stories. He grew up in Japan, you see, and was a fifth degree black belt in karate. When he and his parents moved to the United States, he had to formally register his hands and feet as lethal weapons with the U.S. Government (he did not elaborate on which branch).
You know, there's always a calculation involved with calling someone's bluff. That person's probably lying about having cancer—but if they're not, then you're a giant asshole.
But I really wish someone had just decked the guy. There's no risk of consequences unless Michael does turn out to be a genetically engineered super-soldier who can't stop himself from killing once he's been activated, in which case the rest of you have a new, fantastic story (that no one will believe).
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 16:41:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Why the hell did none of you backhand him when he said "Once I get into a combat state, I can't stop until I've killed someone"? Teach him to put up or shut up.
Would've ended that horse shit fable he was about to unload on you guys before it even started.
boramk · 2 points · Posted at 16:59:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Huh. I posted in this thread and my pathological liar was also named Michael.
You are an amazing storyteller, seriously this post is really well written. Props to you. There is a small part of me that wishes I knew someone like Micheal, just for all of the amazing stories generated by his presence.
I'd say this guy needs to get socked in the jaw, but I know a guy like this, and he'd just say "You're welcome. I just saved your life by holding back all of my training."
TL;DR Girl lied about multiple rapes, pregnancy, criminal stalking, a drug ring, and much more and I bought most of it for a while.
So back a few years ago, I was living in a 2br town home in a particularly small town. Everyone knows everyone type of thing. Anyways, I meet this girl. She seems pretty cool, we get to talking, and a few weeks go by, I kinda am into her. We've hung out a time or two, and I've had her over for dinner. She tells me a few weeks later that she's moving about three hours north to stay with her aunt because her mother was kicking her out. (She was from Australia and had moved to my town about 2 months ago to be closer to her mother) father was Australia, mother was American.
Anyways, I ask what happened and she said her mom basically lost her mind, and beat her, and threw all her shit outside in the trash and soaked it with the hose. She told me her mom had a history of mental illness, and this wasn't the first time something like this happened and that this type of thing was why her parents split up. I wish her well, and we kinda go about our ways for a week or so.
She texts me about a week later and says she's in town and would like to grab lunch. So we meet up and she says she had applied for a really good job here in my town before she moved, and they called her back for a second interview today, and told her this morning that she got the job. She asked if she could stay in my spare bedroom for a month or so while she tried to find her own place.
I agree, and she drives back up a to get her clothes and stuff and brigs them back the next day. This is where it gets fun...
I know the business she was "working" at. I wouldn't say it's a great job, but it's pretty good if say. So obviously, we ended up sleeping together several times since you know.. She was down the hall.. And then she hits me with this big ass bombshell at Halloween.. That a soldier at a nearby military base had raped her. I suggested a multitude of options she had for reporting it since I'm in the service myself. I convince her to speak to CID (the criminal investigation division it's he army equivalent of NCIS for those who have seen that show) she does, gives her story, and I relay what she told me.
A few days go by, and she tells me that she's worried that this guy is following her. So make a return visit to CID, and she tells them this guys make and model of the car and that he is following her. So they issue a no contact order for this guy. Then, the following day, she come into the house with a busted lip, and swollen face and black eye. She says that the guy wanted to talk to her about everything since his career is now in danger because of a "false rape allegation" so he had her meet him on post, at some crazy place on the putter edge of the post, where him and his buddies beat her and raped her again.
Now, I'll admit I completely bought it. I mean her face was FUCKED. So I drive her back to CID at like 8PM and they go arrest this dude and his buddies. I get her set up with some counseling, and what not as well. During all of this she's continued to have these spats with her mother where she would go into the back yard and have heated conversations with her about where she was, and who she was with. ie - it's none of your business, I'm 26yrs old, you kicked me out why do you care etc.
About two weeks later, she tells me she is late on her period. And I'm seconds from throwing up, because she tells me she's already gone to the doctor about it, and they estimate the time of conception was when we had slept together for about a week straight or so. Me being the fucking loser I am, two nights didn't wrap it. She tells me it's more than likely mine, and asks what I want to do.
We chatted for a few days, and determined the best possible solution was to get an abortion. Because she couldn't be certain it was mine, and it could have been the guy who raped her. So I fork over $500 and she drives a state away to have it done. She elected to take the pill that just makes you miscarry. So she comes home that evening and I want to say there was a waiting period of a few days before you actually took the pill. So that day rolls around, and she's in this IMMENSE amount of pain. I'm talking sobbing all night, in the bathroom throwing up etc.
Well.. It doesn't fucking work. She calls the clinic, and they said that on rare occasions it doesn't work, and she'll need to drive back down, and they will give her a stronger pill. Round two, is three times as bad as the first time. I mean, I legit thought this girl was going to die in the fucking bathroom. I did my best to keep her hydrated, and talk to her when she was able to speak. The next morning, she says it's done and basically doesn't want to talk to me about it because she's always wanted children and she doesn't know if she'll ever end up getting pregnant again.
I assured her that she'd meet someone and settle down at some point and they'd have kids... Now.. Due to taking all these days off to drive a state away, and taking off work so she could do this. She had been written up several times at her new job, and they let her go. Luckily for her, a town over had immediate openings for almost the exact same position only with a different company. So she was hired almost immediately.
Side note - she is still living with me and it's been 90 days.
She comes home one night a few weeks later crying, distraught, and totally out of it, she's drunk. She explains that they had this kinda party at work over lunch for someone's retirement. And this guy felt her up at said party. Then she decided she should TOTALLY go hang out with him after work.... Where.. You guessed it. He raped her.
At this exact moment I IMMEDIATELY realized this bitch is a liar, and I would have bet money she hadn't been raped by that soldier, and that he wasn't following her, that he hadn't threatened her life, that she wasn't pregnant, etc etc. I pry a little more about the story and get a few more details and excuse myself to sleep for the night.
I went to CID the next morning and explained how I felt to the detective. Who actually laughed and said man we were about to call you.. Apparently all of these dudes were able to prove alibis on EVERY occasion she was raped, and that the main dude in question had texts from her talking about how amazing he was, and how she was in love with him etc.
I confronted her that evening and told her that she had been there a lot longer than I had planned, and that some friends were coming in for the holidays, and she had a month to find a new place to stay. She lost her mind, and started yelling and throwing shit.
I left my house, and told her she needed to pack a bag and stay at a hotel for the evening and that she had 1hr. She texts me thirty minutes later and says "tell my mom I love her, and that I'm sorry" so I call the cops and they show up at my house and I let them in. Her car is there, and they find her facedown in her room with a bunch of pills scattered about. My pills. From my bedroom, that were for my hand when I had surgery. Definitely enough to OD on, but I never told her about them. Which means she either went looking, after I left. Or had snooped around while I wasn't home.
Anyways, the paramedics are there and are getting her onto a stretcher and the knuckle rub on her sternum. If you don't know what that is, it's painful as fuck. It's used to judge a patients level of consciousness. She sits almost straight up, screams, and flops back down. The paramedics tell the cops she's full of shit but they have to take her to the hospital.
They all leave, and I take her phone and call her mother. I explain that she's been living with me, but she tried to kill herself and they're taking her to xxx hospital and I'd like her to meet me there. I meet her mom at the hospital, and she says, "yo can I get about tree fiddy"
Thanks for reading.
Actually I'm totally kidding this is legit.
So I meet her mom, and said I was sorry we had to meet this way, considering she doesn't really like me because of what I had been told by the girl. Her mother pauses and asks what I mean, because she's begged to meet me before and her daughter said no. I then come to learn that her mother is under the impression that I had proposed, that we were moving to the UK, that I had a LOT of money, AND that her mother had been over to my house on multiple occasions while I wasn't home. I challenged this, until her mother described the inside of my home perfectly.
I told her mom she needed to follow me to my house so she did, and I gathered up all of her shit and stuffed it in her and her mothers car and told her mom that she needed to come pick the car up later.
Then I get a call from the cops a week later about a certain folder missing from her possessions that has proof she was raped by said soldier. And she needed it. The. Her father got involved from Australia, and a host of other things.
My phone has 8% batter my left.. I'll finish this up in a few hours if anyone is interested.
EDIT : Wow, I figured I was going to be late enough that not a lot of people would see this!
Anyways.. So I forgot a really important part of this story, so as I mentioned before I am also a soldier, and two friends of mine here that are married and both in the Army that work with me are here also. So my friends wife goes out of town for some reason or another, and myself and my buddy invite said girl (while she was living with me, post-abortion) out to dinner to try and get her out of the house, because she was super upset about the whole thing, and we were trying to cheer her up. Well, we go out and get food, and have a few drinks and come back to my house. The whole night, my friend had been acting really flirty towards the girl and it was was weird seeing him act that way, because he was married, to my friend none the less.. So about 10pm ish and quite a few more drinks later I call it a night, I had some stuff to do early Saturday morning, and I wanted to get some rest. So the next afternoon, Kelly (the girl) explains that my buddy had stayed over there until like 6am and they finished off another bottle of liquor and she woke up on the couch with his kissing her neck, and trying to finger her.
Now, I've know my friends a LOT longer than I had known Kelly, and I didn't want to believe it, but I wasn't oblivious to the fact that he had been flirting with her, his wife was out of town, and they had both had a lot to drink. I told her, that it didn't really seem like him to do something like that, and she showed me a bunch of texts between the two of them about what had happened, which confirmed it did happen, at least "something" happened. It was never specifically noted WHAT happened. So, my buddy shows up Sunday with some form of what I can only assume was a peace offering/please dont tell my wife. He replaced all the booze we drank saturday night, and gave Kelly a $200 bottle of wine, and gave me a $300 bottle of whisky.
So, his wife gets back, and Kelly went out of her way to find her on facebook, and messaged her and told her that her husband had cheated on her... at this point, Kelly has moved out, and is living with her mom again. Her mom accidentally backed over my mailbox leaving with her stuff one day and I had remained in touch with her for a little while because she was going to cut me a check to replace it. So, we had spoken a few more times about Kelly's behavior and her mom told me that Kelly had basically made the whole thing up between the two of them. She never kicked her out, she never trashed her shit. Kelly wanted some money for something or another and her mother wouldn't give it to her, and so she left to go live with her aunt. Which is what started the whole thing.
In regards to the folder, apparently the soldiers that had "raped her" had been following her, and were selling/making drugs in their house ON THE FUCKING BASE.... -_- and she had proof of all of this via printed text messages, and facebook messenger pages etc, that she had printed off.. but had deleted the texts and messages. She claimed that she needed it so she could press charges and what not. I did indeed look all over my house for this folder, because IF it did exist, I wanted to see this magical folder.. PLOT TWIST. I never fucking found it. what a shocker right? So she tells the cops, her mom, and her dad in Aus, that I have the proof and im intentionally keeping it from her. So her mom, calls me and begs me to give it to her, I explain for the MILLIONTH time that I don't have it, i don't believe it exists, and that I don't give two shits about it anymore. So then the cops show up, at my house and explain that i'm hindering an ongoing investigation and they have a search warrant for my house to look for this folder. I laughed and let them in. They searched everywhere and were confident that I didn't have it. A few days later they show up, with ANOTHER search warrant, only this time... its for my fucking hard drive.. Because she claimed that all the messages were sent and received from my desktop, which she had used before. I explained to them that it was password protected, and that I never game her the password, and the only times she used the computer was when I was home to check her emails a few times.
They brought her to my house and I told the cops they could have the computer if she could unlock it. She couldn't . They took the computer anyways. For almost 1 year. They never did find anything on it of any value.
Anyways, moving along.. her father decides to send me a message on facebook again about this folder, and I agree to have a skype call with him. By this point I just want these people to just leave me the fuck alone, and if I have to spend 20 minutes on the phone with this dude to get that, I was willing to do so. So he calls one evening, and we talked about everything that had happened and he keeps going on and on about this stupid fucking folder. I lost my shit and basically told him his daughter was a fucking lying piece of shit, that lied about anything and everything she could to get sympathy from others.
OH THAT REMINDS ME AGAIN! She lied to me and told me that her boyfriend in Aus of like 8 years committed suicide by hanging himself in their house and she came home and found it, and she was all messed up over it bla bla bla.. I'm trying to remember WHY she told me that story because it was semi-relevant to the entire story but I did say something about it to her mom at the hospital and her mom goes "this guy?" and pulls up his facebook.. motherfucker is alive and well and definitely not dead. I contacted him about 6 months after all of this and he basically confirmed everything i thought. She lied to him and all her friends about anything and everything. She lied about WHY she left aus, it was due to all the lies she had told and I guess she had gotten in some shit with some people and she was legit afraid for her life and so she left.
As far as the soldier that raped her, I went out of my way to find him and apologize to him, because I felt SO terrible that I let someone deceive me into almost getting this dude kicked out of the army. Didn't really matter though, his reputation was already ruined, and last I heard he did finally PCS away from this duty station and is doing better at his new unit, because no one knows about it. But he was very very close to getting kicked out of the army, and ending up in prison over all of this. Last I heard about Kelly, she left the US and went back to Aus, becasue her mom DID kick her out this time, and that the US was trying to get her back here to arrest her for the entire ordeal, because she lied to federal agents, and made up all this shit, and they're trying to prosecute her for it.
Sorry it took me so long to get back to you guys! I didn't mean to keep you waiting!!
If you have any questions, or want any further clarifications ill be happy to give them.
PS - My friend and his wife - She did talk to Kelly about everything that happened and his wife asked me what I thought about it, and I told her that honestly, I felt something MAY have happened between them, but I have no idea what. She lied about literally anything and everything and I wouldn't be surprised if she had exaggerated everything about that as well. They are still married, after some counseling, and long talks with each other and are expecting a baby girl later this year!
Also - I HATE the tree fiddy thing when I see it, and I couldn't have thought of a better place to stick that.. I laughed really hard to myself about how many people would be like NOOOO GOD DAMNIT! Oh wait...
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 03:38:24 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Who actually laughed and said man we were about to call you.. Apparently all of these dudes were able to prove alibis on EVERY occasion she was raped, and that the main dude in question had texts from her talking about how amazing he was, and how she was in love with him etc.
Thank you. I stayed with my paternal grandparents as much as possible. She and I don't have a relationship anymore. She tried to have sex with my husband the night before we got married.
It's good to hear you got away from her. I hope you and your husband are happy!
[deleted] · 8 points · Posted at 20:27:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My mother has claimed to have been raped, won a drag race before she had her license, been caught driving without a license and the judge just told her to take the drivers test with no punishment, was heavily abused, etc
This now has me wondering if she is a liar or not. I mean our life is crazy enough that some of that could be true but damn, seems like too much.
I have always thought my mother was schitzo. She would always say some woman was trying to fight her in the fucking grocery store. Or that so and so was after her or out to get her. She even freaked on my dad and said he loved me more than her. So he couldn't talk to me anymore and I think she drove him to do drugs with her craziness.
I've been thinking the same thing about my mother for a while. Everything and everyone is out to get her, she is always right even with evidence against her theories, if you don't give her constant attention you must not love her, she convinces herself events took place that never did, my Mom is not normal.
Same. I got married about a year ago and didn't invite her. She died last month though of a heroine overdose. I had conflicting feelings about it, but ultimately it was her own decision and she was an adult.
Oh yes. This was in high school. I ran far, far away after she got mad at me for being upset that she was cutting herself... And got mad that I was upset with her for flirting with everyone.
Ohhh yeah. She didn't wear a bra half the time, wore skimpy clothes and flirted with EVERYONE. It was blatant, too. I guess it all comes down to wanting attention. She also cheated on me, confessed to it, and then later when I dumped her, she claimed she had been raped. I have so many stories from this girl.
Nope she got aids from the gang rape and then cancer she could smell it. Wtf I'm pretty sure she'd say she's part German shepherd if anyone wld remotely believe it.
My liar-mother told everyone that my cool, punk-rock older cousin was her eldest daughter. She and my mother are 11 years apart in age. My mother had me, her actual first child (of 5) when she was 19-and-a-half. This is only one example of the insanity, but I totally feel you.
I'm pretty sure you can't break a broom stick from the 70's (I'm guessing better quality than plastic) over a teens back without severe harm to the body. And how the fuck does she stand through 70's glass plates(plural) without ko'd? She's not fucking Muhammad Ali! Plus she was a teen. Logically no fucking way. And my sisters bf said she walked in the kitchen full 70's bush naked and started hitting on his brother. Apparently my dad found out and that's when it turned to rape, then gang rape, then fucking AIDS.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 21:43:44 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's a shame. I wasn't thinking all those stories were true, but rapes happen unfortunately all the time. I wasn't sure based off your original post that you knew for sure those didn't happen. Even gigantic liars can be raped. And standing fully baked doesn't mean someone isn't raped, especially if they are mentally ill.
Yes, that's true but I really don't believe it because I've known my uncle and great uncle now my great uncle is a fucking weirdo but I'm pretty sure he's gay.
I always thought that hysterectomies were for cervical cancer and oophorectomies for ovarian cancer.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 17:29:59 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My mother had both for ovarian cancer, and so did my aunt-for breast cancer, I think, but don't quote me on that (I got genetic testing and it was fine, so unlucky family I guess). People reaaaaaaaaaaaally don't want to get female reproductive cancers is my experience.
Haha no..she just pretended like she never said any of it and looked like a an idiot all over facebook when people responded to her posts with pictures of the Virgin Mary and comments containing the words "immaculate conception". The poor bastard that knocked her up looks like he wants to use the Smith and Wesson brand mouthwash in every photo.
I'm on board with everything except the ranch. That just sounds awful.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 21:34:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
If she is in the states, ferpa law can prevent a college from even confirming someone went to school there. Not saying she isn't a liar, but school has to follow ferpa laws.
Well yeah, all of the other things she did were driven by a insatiable need for attention, but eating all the yogurt shows a blatant disrespect toward others, the mark of the truly afflicted. After the yogurt incident I walked around armed.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 23:42:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sorry to have offended you with my post. Perhaps you should start a writing clinic. Invite all your friends. I might even show up. Maybe we'll both learn something.
One of my best friends supposedly lost his virginity in the craziest way. we must have been about 15/16 and everybody was finally getting laid in my friendship group, I think he felt left out because he didn't seem to be getting any female attention (he's a good looking dude, just didn't have much confidence). So we all chill round one of my friends house on a Friday night after school and he wasn't with us, he told us he was going to a family party.
So saturday Morning is now upon us and we meet at around 11am just to go to the park, grab some lunch etc etc and he says with the biggest smile on his face "I lost my virginity yesterday." We're all a little confused because when we lost ours, we text each other straight away (bit strange, but we were close).
This is how he lost his virginity.
"He was at a family party but there was another party full of extremely hot girls next door all our age so he went there with his cousin, both the same age. He starts talking to a slim, beautiful blonde girl and they really hit it off. Anyway, they're in the Master bedroom getting it on in the parents bed. They're going for around 2 hours and the Dad smashes the door down and he is COMPLETELY naked. The dad charges at him with a baseball bat and misses his head by an inch. He then proceeded to run to the balcony, JUMP OUT THE 2ND FLOOR with no clothes on and sprint down the street with his little friend dangling around. The whole house are now apparently chasing him and his other cousin coincedentally is drving a convertable past him so he jumps, FUCKING JUMPS into the car and gets a lift home?
He still proceeds to say this is true. He's never mentioned the girls name, the location of this party or get this cousin to back up his claim. I'm not even sure he has a cousin?!
Other than lying, he's a decent dude, doesn't normally lie about anything drastic.
He has incredible staying power for a first timer. Lol
Girl I knows story was crazier. I've posted elsewhere but to summarise she " lost her virginity" to a guy twice her age when she was 14, on the back of a motorbike, going 70 mph, on the M1. ( large very busy road In the uk)
[deleted] · 10 points · Posted at 17:48:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah.... we asked that. Apparently it was full penatrative sex in the missionary position. Her laid back head towards the handles, him on top steering, and thrusting... and accelerating....
I'm not sure entirely how it would work but that's what she described
Sounds a lot like one of my friends in HS. So same sort of start, we're all at "that age" where it starts to happen. Pat was first and nobody was surprised. He didn't talk about it a lot. So a couple of weeks later we're all standing out before school starts and Rob suddenly finds an empty condom wrapper in his pocket and it "reminded him" that he'd gotten laid the night before. Now, let's just stop there. You're a guy, in your teens in front of your buddies. If you got laid, there's not going to be any need for anything to remind you of it.
Anyway, this goes on all day. "Glad I found that wrapper. I'd totally forgotten about it!" Then he'd suddenly realize: "25% of the people in this truck have had sex!" Everyone knew he was making the shit up.
Personally, I was a late bloomer. Wasn't until I was 19 and I didn't give a damn. They'd all ask and I'd just say "Nope, not yet." They'd laugh and I'd just shrug.
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 23:57:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Any teenage boy whose losing virginity story doesn't portray him as a 2-pump chump is a liar.
see, I avoid people that make up extravagant lies for seemingly no reason, because if they are lying about this nonsensical event, than you can be damn sure they'll lie when their backs are against the wall.
Ah, I assumed "drove home" meant back to where the party was taking place because I thought it was his house. But now that I reread it it only says "family party" so I guess his house is somewhere else.
And he replied while sitting right next to you or he told you what was happening or what?
[deleted] · 127 points · Posted at 12:19:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
She texted him and he was an old friend which she didn't know about. So he showed the text and said what shall I do. I asked him to see if she was just messing with him or not. Apparently not and that she still "had feelings for him".
You should have gotten him to invite her over. And then answered the door yourself. Or maybe wait until she was on top of him and then give her a reach around while yelling "surprise!".
Edit: I know what a reach around is. I'm saying OP should have "reached around" and gotten a fist full of vagina.
gnorty · 40 points · Posted at 18:33:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
when a man loves another man very much, and is giving him a special cuddle from behind, he might want to reach around to the front to make the cuddle a little bit more special.
Um, do you know that a reach around is the term used for when a guy is fucking another guy from behind and 'reaches around' to stroke the other dude's dick? I think that would've surprised both of them to be honest.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 12:21:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I am Groot.
willun · 2 points · Posted at 13:04:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dr Groot! Didn't do 6 years in medical school for nothing. Hahaha.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:28:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Still in the med school though.
willun · 1 points · Posted at 13:37:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When you get really really good, you get promoted from Dr to Mr. Well, in the UK at least. Then you will just be Groot.
In the United Kingdom, the Republic of Ireland and in some Commonwealth countries (such as South Africa), many surgeons use the title Mr (or Miss, Ms, Mrs, as appropriate), rather than Dr (Doctor). Until the 19th century, earning a medical degree was not required to become a qualified surgeon.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:50:27 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
No, told me she's going to bed but was sexting her ex (my friend) who was right there with me at that time.
[deleted] · 304 points · Posted at 11:56:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not exactly a lie she told, but I know this girl Jasmine who I used to go to camp with. She would constantly try to be involved in a story even if she had no idea what we were talking about.
My friend decided to bring in the savagery when we were talking about restaurants. He said he had been to this really awesome tiki themed place in downtown Toronto. This girl, being from Toronto said she had been and that it was really cool.
I have a friend like that but I think he legitimately believes he was there, either because he's heard the story already and his brain inserts him into it or he just has a bad memory.
Another friend and I would be telling a story and this friend would be like "Oh yeah, that was awesome when that happened" and we'd tell him that he wasn't there and he seemed genuinely confused. Though, he would always admit if he was wrong
I'm that guy. A girl slapped me for poking her and I didn't even remember it, but everyone else there insisted it happened. I usually shrug and go along with it.
I'm still unsure if my friends are trolling me or if my memory is really that bad. I would remember that. I think.
lol that is a weird one. That actually reminds me of something similar. Back in high school I was eating lunch in the cafeteria with some friends (not all friends). The one person I didn't like at the table was lightly being made fun of for something inconsequential by the guys that were his friends. I monotonously chimed in with the word "ha" and he just reaches over and slaps me, pretty hard. Now, my reaction was to stand up and cock back to throw a fist and his reaction was to panic, stay seated, and close his eyes. Unfortunately, in standing up I gathered attention from the Vice Principal/ teachers/ coaches and couldn't just decapitate this guy in front of them. So I left as to not get in trouble.
The reason I tell this story is the motherfucker tried to act like nothing ever happened. Ever since, any time he'd try to come talk to me, I would just glare silently at him until he left. Eventually, he got the idea and stopped coming around but it was just crazy how disconnected he was from reality.
It only bothers me because I could have literally broken his neck if I had let myself hit him as hard as I wanted to at the time, and he didn't even seem to realize what he had done. I'm glad I have enough self control
Shame; maybe you woulda knocked some sense into him. You hit someone who doesn't even like you and you best be expecting to get knocked the fuck out at the very least. Good call on the discretion though; you would have gotten in the shit and he would have been free to make up stories until someone pulled cameras to discredit him. Did you beat his ass later, or did you just let it go and resolve to never be around him again?
Also, I think I witnessed something similar in high school. One of my earliest memories of watching someone else make a Herculean mistake and feeling real pity because I knew that kid was doomed and wasn't smart enough to get it. Now that I think about it, it was the exact situation you're describing lol Your name isnt Zach is it? Probably not. xD
No, I'm not Zach lol This was in Texas probably 5 or 6 years ago, if that helps. Although there was a Zach at the table - so, close.
Yeah, I never went back at him. I don't think I ever even said anything to him again. Though, It probably would have been healthier for me to do something about it, instead of bottling it up, but I was in basketball and didn't want to get kicked off the team or hurt my hand or anything.
It's weird how clearly I remember that moment of standing up and wanting so badly to just tear him apart but seeing the "authorities" start to eye me cautiously. And then turning back to him to feel sad for him. His eyes were still closed just waiting to get hit. Like, his hands were gripping the chair he was sitting on and I was standing over him; the leverage alone would probably break some bones in his head/ my hands. Then add in the near- blind rage I was experiencing with the adderall I was on at the time - all on top of high school hormones rushing through me and I'm still surprised I was able to think logically in that moment.
Lol I was so pissed when I left that I went to the wrong class for like 10 minutes before realizing it. Lol fuck you Conner
It's scary how similar this situation is to the time I experienced; down to the time period too lol xD Zach was a heavy Addy user at the time. We skipped the next class because teachers knew he was trying not to beat the guy's ass and he had a history of doing that/blackout rages, so, you know, "hey, XiggiSergei, we know you're good friends; can you please take him for a walk so he doesn't kill [Chad Bro] and we don't have to Expell him. A for effort." This is a guy who will probably have hand issues for the rest of his life because he punched a wall rather than the kid's face. You came out much better than Zach did from the situation haha
Hahaha the the similarities are freaky. And that sounds like something that would happen at my school- "hey, go take care of your friend, I don't want to have to deal with this" - teacher. I'm not gonna say I don't have hand/ wall issues but I'm improving lol
Improving is all there is to do, man :) no way out but up. It's been probably five and a half years since I've seen Zach but he cut back the Adderall and had a kid, probably around the same time lol I hope that Connor kid learned not to get slap happy with strangers, because in the real world that's a Darwinian personality trait that'll probably put you in the hospital
Haha closing your eyes and clinching your chair in fear is also a bad Darwinian response. I hope Zach and his family are doing well and I'd be fine if I never heard of Conner again lol
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 00:53:08 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
This happens to me too. Either I just don't remember something or I remember it wrong. Apparently my mom gas lighted me a lot when I was younger and it kinda fucked up my memories.
I know a guy who does exactly this, except without the admission that he was mistaken. Our whole group has learned to stop calling him out on it, we just give each other looks and move on
There actually is a pretty well known tiki place in Toronto, though, so it's entirely possible she wasn't full of shit that time!
inco15 · 4 points · Posted at 23:08:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
you talking about the one in Liberty Village? That place is so fucking weird.
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 18:01:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I used to have friends like this. They mostly just claimed they liked a lot of things that my other friends and I liked (bands, movies, shows, etc.) but never had anything to contribute to conversations we had about them. So a friend of mine and I told a story about a band that we liked (we used a name that another friend came up with for her band if she ever started one) and we started to talk about how we bought tickets for their next NY show, and our other friends got upset that we didn't tell them we were buying tickets because they wanted to go too.
Caught them on that one pretty quickly, and the lies pretty much stopped after that.
In my comment I was pretending to be someone that lies. So saying "I've been there." Followed by really vague details about the place was all something a liar would say.
You may have missed the stupid joke I tried to make though.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 23:03:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Woosh...
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 22:36:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not to doubt you but there are quite a few Tiki-themed bars in Toronto...Did he just make up a fake bar?
I have a friend that does this and it drives me crazy. I think she's just insecure, but sometimes I have trouble straight up calling her out on things. I usually feel bad afterwards :(
Well, it does get really frustrating, and one hopes that maybe getting called out once or twice would help them recognize their behavior. But yeah, it usually comes from low self esteem.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:58:27 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm great like that.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 03:35:38 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My coworkers were making up a pretend restaurant where they would cook dolphin and whale meat on lava and rocks. The day after they talked about this pretend restaurant an other of our coworkers goes up to the girl that started talking about said imaginary place and told her " hey, i went to that restaurant you where talking about in Montreal, the whale was really good" and goes on to talk about how cool it was before someone ruins the fun by telling him it was all imaginary.
He's a fun co-worker. Last week he was telling me about his friend who has a bald eagle...
I've done activities in a dementia care nursing home. When people lose their memory, they sometimes make stories up to fill the gap. This is called confabulation.
One day I was teaching a group of seniors how to make native american baskets. So I gathered the supplies and all the participants, and began by saying "Today we're going to learn how to make traditional Native American pine-needle baskets."
One of the guys, let's call him Lloyd, says very matter-of-factly "I was making those baskets WAAAY before the Native Americans!" (He's white, btw.)
Normally I can contain myself if someone says something a bit silly, but this time I couldn't help it and started laughing due to the sheer absurdity of his claim. Of course, this just makes Lloyd angry.
"What, you don't believe me?! I've been making those baskets my whole life! I STILL make those baskets! I make those baskets every day!"
At this point, all I could do was stifle my laughter while resisting the urge to ask him to lead the class. I said "I believe you, Lloyd" and quickly moved on to my instructions before he became escalated.
Okay so when I was a kid (5-12 years old) I was best friends with a girl I'll call Ann. Ann came up with crazy shit. Her whole family was a bit unstable and she was definitely insecure about a lot of things. Anyway...some examples of her lies....
She went on some website that was basically pictures of teenage guys that looked like the guys from Blink 182. She found one that looked like the singer Tom, and printed the picture and taped it to her mirror. She told me it was her boyfriend. She would "call" him and have fake conversations with him in front of me. She would also tell me all about how they hung out and she gave him blow jobs.
The way more unusual lie she came up with was Fishy Face and Cat Piss. Yeah. So this was back in the 90's so we didn't have cell phones and telephone technology was just kind of basic. It's kind of hard to explain what she did. Basically, we would be talking on the phone and suddenly she would pretend to be an Asian woman named Fishy Face. Occasionally, she would be Fishy Face's son, you guessed it, Cat Piss. I can't remember exactly what she would say when she was being these people, but I'm sure it was something weird and sexual. She blamed it on them picking up on our phone signal or something like that.
I'm sure there's more but those are what stick out in my memory the most. It was weird and I have no idea why I went along with it as if I believed it. I think I felt bad for her and didn't want to embarrass her.
I get going along with it. I used to date a guy in high school who claimed to be a Navy Seal (we were 14) and would always have to leave early from our hanging out to go on secret missions. He also claimed to get in fights every day of his life and that he had "super sonic hearing." He, apparently also had titanium plates in his hand and shoulder, for reasons unknown. I knew it was all complete bullshit, but he was really hot, so I just went with it.
Later, he moved to South Carolina to live with his dad, we stayed in contact and even sort of kept dating long distance. I stopped talking to him because he started bragging about having sex with a girl named Kate. When I got mad, and he tried to fix it by claiming Kate had died. All in the same breath.
Well I'm sure the Navy Seals are always looking for young new recruits like him! But that's really funny. Yeah I think I went along with it because she was my best friend for as long as I could remember and I didn't want to embarrass her by calling her out.
[deleted] · 16 points · Posted at 14:44:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yes. Like we were in the middle of a conversation and she would suddenly act like an Asian woman. Have you ever heard of people picking up their neighbors phone calls on a baby monitor? It was kind of like that. But not real and ubsurd.
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 15:04:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Happened to me once. I was on the phone with my buddy playing Diablo 2 and we started hearing some older males having a conversation about UFO's. The crossed call lasted for under a minute.
It was strange they couldn't hear us trying to talk to them.
It used to happen pretty frequently. The base station would pick up snippets from a nearby handset if it was on the same frequency. It was usually pretty garbled and staticky, though. The other phone had to be nearby, though, so Fishy Face and Cat Piss would have had to be her neighbors.
She lived in a pretty remote area. Her only neighbors for probably at least a mile radius, were her relatives. Definitely not an Asian mother and son. And the town they lived in was predominantly white. Like super racist white people. I'm pretty sure if anyone that wasn't Caucasian lived there, they would "disappear". Especially if their names were Fishy Face and Cat Piss.
When I was in middle school, the compulsive liar eleven year old friend I had told me that she played quidditch. The story went that her older sister was in college and they had a kind of 'Hogwarts camp' and she was just so cool and mature that they invited her too. In the college gym, they had a whole complex wire system that lifted the teams into the air on broomsticks. At one point, I think I skeptically asked how the bludgers and snitch worked. Of course she had no explanation.
At this point, I knew she was a liar, but being a non confrontational eleven year old, I just kind of gave her the disinterested 'oh yeah, that's cool I guess' response. I think this pissed her off, because her lying generally was meant to excite her friends into rabid jealousy and infighting with each other about who she was going to take with her to do this cool, amazing, impossible thing. So my disinterest was probably worse than getting called out on it, because getting called out would spur us into a whole new drama of middle school proportions, and she subsisted on that.
So she just doubled down over and over again, trying to sweeten the deal so I would beg to go with her - until basically it was a real Hogwarts summer camp, with real magic and real broomsticks and, to her fury, I was still just like 'yeah, cool' and changing the subject, and not taking the bait of her 'well, I think there might be a spot open this weekend' and falling all over myself to be her best friend for the week and get the invite (that would of course fall through at the last minute).
Playing Quidditch is actually a real thing, but nothing like that. When I was on my local library's teen team, we had someone put on a yellow shirt and run around with a piece of fabric stuffed in the back of their pants. We'd use regular balls as well and we'd have people holding hoola hoops as the targets. The best part was that a mother donated a ton of broomsticks she picked up wholesale I think and we'd run around with them in between our legs. Good times.
Meh, she had a group of friends that she systematically turned against each other with her lies. If she was lonely, it was because she entertained herself by picking a scapegoat, turning all us little minions against that one until she was 'out', then picking another scapegoat, whittling down a group of probably 9-10 girls down until she was alone.
Yeah, she was a kid, but she knew what she was doing. It's sad that she has these issues, but it was a result of pathological attention seeking through whatever methods necessary. She was a mean, selfish little thing who took joy in making other girls miserable and, as it seems on Facebook, she's grown into a mean, selfish woman angry at the world for not giving her the attention she deserves.
[deleted] · 6 points · Posted at 01:00:54 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to minimise the awful things she has done. She sounds like a truly terrible person I only meant that I feel sad that she couldn't figure out how to live a life to be proud of. To destroy every piece of friendship offered her must make her feel even more lonely, knowing that no one wants to be her friend because her actions are toxic to others. I hope she is able to change so she can experience friendship, contentment and happiness. I hope you are happy now and that her misery has not sunk into and infected you too.
I know you mean well, but you should really know how condescending and patronizing this comes off. You 'hope her misery...hasn't infected' me too? You do understand that implies that you've picked up that I'm also a mean miserable human?
All in all, this really comes across like backhanded, false sympathy, using an expression of totally unsolicited concern to totally nail someone with unkindness. All because I told a ridiculous story about an over the top lie I got told almost 20 years ago. Jeez.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 17:22:56 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Thanks for being honest, I had no idea I come across that way. I honestly meant well and apologize that I didn't appear to. Edit rereading the comment I made I wrote the last line thinking it was a situation about the step sister being awful, not a schoolmate. I confused the posts.
This is it. This is the Askreddit I've been waiting for.
Once, I was at my friend's party, and there I met this guy named Cyrus. He seemed pretty cool told me he worked with cars, showed me this car he redesigned, gave it some lights underneath that could change colour, some other strange and possibly illegal changes I can't 100% remember (my friend's sister's crowd were all car crazy, so it didn't seem strange). Anyway, I thought it was really cool he could fix cars and stuff. He said he could fix some problems my mum's car was having, and could teach me a few basic car maintenance tricks. As a girl, no one had ever taught me about cars, so I was very keen.
Anyway, we exchanged numbers and talked for a couple days, after a while he asks me out on a date. I am not interested, I just want to be friends, but thought that hey, why not give it a chance. Then, not 10 mins after, my best friend F, whose part it was, calls me, asking if it was true I'm going on a date with him. She's not really the gossippy type, but I say yes, and she goes "oh, just making sure...". The week preceding my date, Cyrus is calling me constantly, telling me that F doesn't approve, that F's sister is saying nasty shit about him, constantly telling me drama. I am a very drama free person, as is F (but we like hearing about it), so I find this both weird and annoying, and tell him 'I don't care about this drama. F hasn't said anything to me. It's probably just her sister'. That should have been a sign but no. Finally we have dinner. He's super late, I'm regretting everything. He does not shut up with his stories. Usually I'm the keen talker, but get no words in at all. Here are some of the tall tales he spun:
He is a black belt in karate, but has to stop, because once while he was training he fell off a cliff (??) and broke his spine, and now his back pain is too bad to continue.
He was actually one of the voice actors in the Minion movie (it hadn't come out yet at this point.)
He was adamant that Slenderman haunted his house.
I complimented his pink shirt. He told me he always wears pink every day in some way, because his friend was wearing pink when he died. "Aw," I say. "That's so sad, and sweet." He doesn't stop. On the day his friend died, they were walking down their estate, and suddenly some random guys he'd never seen before came and stabbed his friend 37 times in the chest (specifically, that number. I asked. He said he counted.), and then they ran off. He held his friends in his hands (at this point he is acting it out in the middle of Nandos) and said "mate! mate! can you here me!" and his friend said ".....cyrus ...(and he did the croaky dead persons voice and everything.) ...avenge...me.." and then he pretended to suddenly die and actually stuck his tongue out. I was actually stunned. He was 100% serious. Then he told me he swore he would murder the guy who killed him's brother, because his friend was like a brother to him. The heated vows of murder stirred some strange looks. When consulting my friend S, also at the party we met, he told me Cyrus told him the same story, except he was wearing pink socks. S was really drunk though, so walked off in the middle of his story. I get the feeling this story may be partly true but exaggerated to the point of comedic effect.
The topic moved on to ex's. I was trying to steer the conversation into this territory so that I could explain we weren't right together so I don't want to continue seeing him romantically. He started telling me about his ex, I shall call her Stacey. Stacey really wanted to get married, they were both 19 at that point, and he's not so sure. He speaks to his dad about it and his dad says absolutely not to get married, especially if he doesn't want to. So he goes and tells her that, and she's not too happy. Then one day, she tells him to come to some strange address in a suit. He walks in, and she's there in a wedding dress, her family on one side, his family on the other (even though, you know, his dad was aware he did not want to get married). He ditches her at the alter (cue some more dramatic acting. I think he watched too much Eastenders) Then, they get back together, but she accuses him of cheating on him. This was his response:
"So, I tell her, yeah, no babe, I ain't cheating on you, ok? I would never do that to you. But she says she don't beleive me, right. And I go: alright. Let's go down and get a paternal test, right, like DNA testing? And they test me, and I ain't been cheating, and I say, ok, now you go, so she goes down and gets a DNA test, and guess what? The results came back and actually SHE cheated on ME!"
I go, "wow, so she was pregnant with somebody else's baby?"
He goes, "no she wasn't pregnant."
"So, she got a STD?"
"No, it wasnt that sort of test, it was a DNA test....."
I realised where he has slipped up in his story, and sort of explained it to him. Five minutes after he made a very quick getaway. Never heard from him again.
Meanwhile F tells me he was famed for bullshittery. Her sister, C, wanted some modifications made to her car (I think disco lights under the car for er, parties on the go?) and a guy named Abdul offered to do it for £50. He is Cyrus's best friend. After a couple months, no contact from Abdul. C asks Cyrus where he is, when can he do it. Cyrus tells her very gravely that Abdul had died from a heart attack. He then tells her he can do the car mods she wanted, but for £200. She refused, as its way overpriced. News spreads that Abdul is dead. Then one day, Abdul appears! It turns out he wasn't dead, he went away for a wedding and forgot to tells C + was also procrastinating doing any work, so was sort of avoiding her messaged. At that point, Abdul was the only person who liked Cyrus, and he was FURIOUS. So they kicked him out of their friendship group.
Last time F saw him, he's been hanging out with some 12-14 year old wanna-be 'roadmans' from his estate. He got into a heated argument with a 12 year old boy, and beat him up. F is also highly suspicious he is dating a girl who is 14.
Cyrus is 21.
I want to say estate is British slang for projects. Or like a really ghetto neighborhood that poor people live in. No clue about the other word though.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:20:44 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
the date was so awkward i rushed away, he had barely eaten anything and it pains me that food went to waste. I could have taken some wings home in that cute little cardboard box they do! biggest regret out of whole story
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 20:27:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I picture you arms akimbo, standing at the door of the saloon, while a bunch of tough-looking men look up at you from their card games and liquor. You had misheard directions for the sherrif's office.
According to my mom that was sort of the way I behaved as a kid. I virtually never lied (back then). But would tell the truth whilst glaring at her line "whatcha gonna do 'bout it?". She'd come into the room and ask why my sister was crying and I'd coldly answer "because I hit her". She then answered "why" and tiny my started explaining calmly that sis had messed with my legos or some other horrific crime.
Chef at my work is a compulsive liar. Everyone has a big list going of the best ones:
$30 million dollars in the bank. (Even though he works weekends at a shopping centre cafe and rents a house)
He used to make $20000 a day at his old cafe.
He used to serve 4000 customers at day by himself.
He has killed many people (as a hit man)
He can kill for us if we need.
He has "died" 3 times.
Been stabbed a whole bunch of times.
Used to hang out with Carl Williams. (Most notorious Aussie gangster)
He is a professional 10 pin bowler which nets him millions.
He had bowled 300 between his legs and backwards.
To be honest the staff (including me) don't help the situation as we all wind him up trying to get him to tell us ridiculous things.
This girl almost got herself banned from a comic convention the year I was working next to bag check. She saved her own ass and got herself a role as the mascot the following year because she was banging the treasurer.
Anyway, that year I was unable to attend and sat it out modding the forums. The reports start rolling in immediately. She's abusing the hell out of attendees. The entire weekend people send in complaints. Finally someone from management gets online and instead of apologising he parrots the story she gave which was that she was 6 months pregnant and had miscarried the day before the event.
Except 6 months is past the point of personhood in our country, it's not classed as a miscarriage but a stillbirth. You would have to go to a hospital for it. And our state has psychiatric holds on mothers for 48 hours after a stillbirth to ensure they're coping and not a threat to themselves or anyone else. Also her boyfriend, the treasurer, told management that was bullshit because the day before the event she was with him all day.
That lie ended her relationship, got her fired and banned from future attendance.
[deleted] · 34 points · Posted at 15:40:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
our state has psychiatric holds on mothers for 48 hours after a stillbirth to ensure they're coping and not a threat to themselves or anyone else
You mean they forcibly detain all mothers who've had stillbirths for 48 hours?
Yeah that seems like a weird policy. Like i get that she's at a high suicide risk, but being forced to stay in a hospital when you want to just go home to your family seems like it would add to the trauma.
It's done to make sure the mother doesn't commit suicide from depression and to do a full physical to make sure no other life threatenting injuries occured during the stillbirth I would think.
[deleted] · 9 points · Posted at 18:43:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
But what happens if she just wants to go home, will they forcibly detain her and have her arrested if she escapes?
Forcible detention is legal in a lot of states under 5150 if they think you'll hurt yourself or someone else. If I lost my baby, I think that would qualify as extreme emotional distress and I can see a hold being enacted with the symptoms of something like that. With a 5150 they're allowed to restrain and sedate you because you're not qualified to self discharge or have any say legally and are under their care until they decide you can leave. If you fight under a 5150 they very much can involve law enforcement if they can't control you, but usually it's big ass orderlies and a needle filled with sleepy juice; I don't know about this situation.
Tl;dr depending on the wording of this particular law, yes, they very much could. See; USA's 5150 involuntary psychiatric hold.
[deleted] · 11 points · Posted at 19:38:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I understand being detained if there are symptoms of being a danger to yourself, but it seems awful to detain someone simply because they've had a stillbirth, being upset is a normal reaction after that. It could be even more distressing being detained against your will after that. Being held against your will and threatened with assault and sedation just because you've had a stillbirth. That's awful.
It's also a medical issue: if you fell down and injured yourself and refused treatment, but the doctors can plainly see without treatment that you could die or be permanantly injured w/o treatment then, yes, you will be detained for your own good. The laws vary from state to state, country to country, but the idea is not punishment but precaution.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 08:28:54 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well, I see it as a freedom issue. I think it's really strange that americans always bang on about being a free country but you can be detained and treated against your will when you aren't even psychotic.
It scares me that you could go through that but not show any symptoms of being depressed and or a threat to yourself.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 08:10:53 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
There is a huge difference between being upset because something awful has happened, and actually being clinically depressed/psychotic and a danger to yourself. Being a threat to yourself is NOT a normal reaction to a stillbirth.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 13:37:20 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Being upset and crying are normal reactions that nobody should be sectioned for after that. Actual symptoms requiring hospitalisation would be things like trying to harm yourself, or threatening to do so. Not just crying because your baby is dead. By that logic, we should hospitalise everybody who is bereaved, everyone who has just lost a parent, spouse or sibling, just in case they are a danger to themselves! It's ridiculous.
Nobody is saying they are being detained just for crying.
Statistically, do you know how unlikely it is for a woman not to have these feelings in that situation. It's almost exactly comparable to the rate of anti social personality disorder in people.
So you think we should wait until they actually try to hurt themselves, and then see if it's not too late?
It seems like you're offended by this, but have no thoughtful alternative.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 14:10:56 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I don't know what comment you are referring to, but the original comment I was referring to was about a law in a particular state that automatically detains ALL women for 48 hours after a stillbirth. So they aren't even being detained for crying, they are being detained for nothing at all. And are you really saying that most women want to harm themselves after a stillbirth? I've known several women who've had stillbirths and miscarriages and none had thoughts of self-harm. Luckily though I live in a country that actually respects a woman's freedom and doesn't forcibly detain her for nothing.
"So you think we should wait until they actually try to hurt themselves, and then see if it's not too late?" This is silly. They should be detained if they've shown actual symptoms of being a danger to themselves. And what is magical about 48 hours anyway? What's to make you think they won't just act normally for 48 hours so they can be discharged and then go and harm themselves if they really want to?
Yes, it is offensive to think that there are some places in the world where women are automatically treated like psychotic children who can't be trusted just because they've had a tragic event happen to them. The alternative is clearly to only detain people who've shown actual clinical signs of being a risk to themselves, the same as in any other situation. Would you detain somebody who'd lost their parent, sibling or spouse, just because they've been bereaved? And why not detain the father of the stillborn child, or is it only women who are too crazy to be trusted? But, whatever. You honestly can't see how wrong detaining people against their will is when they have shown no signs of being abnormal so there is no point continuing this. I'm just grateful I don't live in a country as crazy as yours.
So there's a 90% chance that this woman will feel serious depression and or thoughts of hurting herself for these two days, but it's irresponsible to do anything about that.
You keep saying "wait until she's shown symptoms", without mentioning what those symptoms are supposed to be.
Yes, it infringes on her free will. To very likely save her life in a time when she's clearly in need of help of some sort. But no, just let her go home alone I'm sure she's capable of making that decision, people who are seriously thinking about hurting themselves always show obvious symptoms first derp derp.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 14:51:50 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've already said what the symptoms are. Trying to hurt herself or threatening to do so. The same symptoms that would get somebody sectioned in any other circumstance. You've failed to explain why only the woman is being detained, why not the father, and why don't we detain other people who've been bereaved? I don't believe it's 90% for a second. You've also failed to explain what magic happens after 48 hours that means she's no longer at risk. You are not "very likely" saving their life. I work in healthcare. I deal with people in this situation. I've had numerous friends and relatives who've had stillbirths, and, while they were upset, not a single one had thoughts of harming herself. Not a single one did harm herself. And who says they are going home alone? She is probably going home to her family to be comforted by her husband and parents in the comfort of her own home. But you'd rather hold her against her will on a miserable hospital ward. You know most countries don't detain these women, right? And, despite the statistic you quoted, these other countries don't have 90% of their women killing or harming themselves after a stillbirth. You say the woman is clearly in need of help of some sort. Maybe the help that she needs is to be respected as an adult who can make her own decisions about where she'd feel most comfortable going to recover and mourn her loss. But think whatever you like, I've no interest in having an endless reddit conversation.
So, like I said, then you denied, you want to wait until she actually does something. "Seeking help" isn't a symptom of wanting to hurt yourself. So you will send them home alone, and if they hurt themselves, help them then, if they're still alive. Nice plan.
I'm sure your anecdotes are a better basis for policy making than statistics.
u38cg2 · 2 points · Posted at 21:30:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I would imagine that it's an option they have, not something they do every single time.
You gotta keep it believable when you're trying to get out of work - granny is in hospital, beloved pet has died, maybe crack out a funeral if you're confident that person won't actually die soon
I was friends with this batshit crazy girl a couple of years ago who for some reason wanted everyone to think she was really promiscuous. This girl was sixteen and I think this was probably tied to some body image/self esteem thing - she was very overweight and pretty unattractive to be honest.
She would tell me stories about how she'd hooked up with complete strangers in increasingly ridiculous situations - my personal favourite being the stranger she'd supposedly fucked in a tent at a gaming convention to get back at her ex.
Eventually she admitted to us sorrowfully that this life of promiscuity was taking its toll on her and she'd decided to stop sleeping around after the emotional trauma caused by getting - are you ready - three abortions in one week. Less than a month later she was telling a friend about how she was lucky that she could have as much unprotected sex as possible because she was infertile (details were vague on how and why).
I stopped being friends with her after she lied about attempting suicide, telling an elaborate story about a jogger finding her hanging in the woods and saving her life
I literally facepalmed at "three abortions in one week".
I also knew a hypersexualized drama queen fat girl who coincidentally made up all types of stories similar to the ones yours did. Plus mine pretended to have problems at home despite being a spoiled only child from a decently stable and well-off family, and sometimes showed up at school with gauze and bandages wrapped on her arms or wearing a big plastic boot- like the kind you wear after you sprain or fracture your foot.... this dragged up so many cringey memories.
Wow if it weren't for the only child part I'd ask if this were the same person! She would tell us about her abusive family and how her brother was the only one she could trust- except at some point along the way she started implying he had groomed her from a young age.
She also had a Tumblr (of course) that she used as a sort of diary, describing in a lot of detail the...pretty messed up...dreams she had. A lot of the time these involved me or our mutual friends in either really violent or explicit situations.
It's so sad that some people feel the need to do these things for attention
Ha! I'm sure mine has moved onto tumblr by now.... I kicked her to the curb when we were young enough that we still thought Gaia Online was cool. She had a multitude of online boyfriends, posted suicide threats to these online boyfriends on her online journal.... last I saw she started working at a gas station in our hometown.
Lord, I hope these girls grow up. I feel so bad for them.
Unfortunately someone definitely did, she met a boy on the Internet and everytime he came over she would post Snapchats of them lying naked in bed together, kissing, and at one point during foreplay. It was nasty.
I had a best friend who lied about a suicide attempt when we were in highschool. Carl was depressed about his recent breakup and stopped coming to school regularly. He would show up maybe a couple days of the week for only half days, coming in at lunch. Our group of friends would walk to his house every other day after school to check on him when he didn't show.
One night while I'm online on myspace (it was 2008) I receive an IM from Carl, except that it wasn't carl. It was his roomate at the hospital getting on his account to spread news to his friends that he is not okay and may die tonight. "The roomate" describes his self inflicted injuries... that there's a severed artery in his left arm, and a knife embedded in his neck. It was a very long night that day that consisted of back and forth messages for hours between "the roomate" and myself.
The roomate had apparently pulled a fuckin night shift because when I went to school the next morning everyone in the group had talked to the same roomate the night before. Some of us had conversations online with this roomate and some were contacted using Carl's cell phone via text message. It was decided we would all go visit our depressed friend at the hospital that day after classes.
When we asked for him at the hospital nobody could tell us where he was. We thought the worst and went straight to his house where his mom answered the door and said he wasn't feeling well. She seemed to not know anything about him being at a hospital. She spoke little english so it was hard explaining everything to her. we came over every single day after day for weeks.
A couple weeks pass by like this until he opens the door himself one day instead of his mother. In that first reunion It became evident that the whole thing was a hoax. There were no scars where we expected to see them based on what the roomate was describing. His response when asked about his injuries was that he healed quickly. Okay, but we should still see visible scarring considering he stuck a huge knife through his arm. He was playing computer games, not taking anything seriously as we were prying questions about his current situation. Trying to talk to someone after weeks of feeling so worried for them and being met with a "meh" attitude was rubbing some of the group the wrong way who straight up started calling him on his bullshit right there. Carl became hostile and pretty much kicked us out. To keep a long story short, he started pushing everyone away with lie upon lie about random people in our group. He sabotaged a blossoming relationship between one of my best friends and his love interest by making up shit about him. He lost everyone one by one. I was the last one to stay cool with him for years after, though it was never the same after that. He wasn't one of those compulsive liars who tries to one up everything but this was one of the biggest hoaxes I've wittnessed.
Oh and there was the lie about the bunch of bras hanging on his wall in his room belonging to different girls but I know he just bought them himself. I knew because I helped him pick one out for his girlfriends bday that was hanging there and he had forgotten about it
I stopped being friends with her after she lied about attempting suicide, telling an elaborate story about a jogger finding her hanging in the woods and saving her life
What made y'all think this was a lie? I wouldn't dismiss something like that without some strong evidence.
We believed her for a while but little details about her story kept changing or didn't add up. She told us this when we called her to find out why she was off school. She told us she was being kept in hospital for psychological evaluation and probably wouldn't be let out for a week or so. She was back in school the next day, and had no marks that you would expect for someone who was, in her own words, hanging from a tree all night.
She also kept changing her story as to timing and location-initially she told us there were woods behind her house that she went to, but when we visited her house in the middle of town and someone broached the subject she told us it had happened in the woods behind a friend's house, that she apparently walked three miles to across several A roads and my friend had heard nothing about it.
There were other details as well- one day she said she'd done it at night and been hanging until the morning when she was rescued, the next day she said she'd done it early in the morning and someone had heard her choking, the next day apparently someone had seen her do it. This someone changed from a dog walker to a jogger to someone who was just walking home.
Eventually we started adding two and two together, and her compulsive lying escalated to the point we thought it was a pretty safe bet that nothing she said was true.
She told us she was being kept in hospital for psychological evaluation and probably wouldn't be let out for a week or so. She was back in school the next day, and had no marks that you would expect for someone who was, in her own words, hanging from a tree all night.
This guy started working with us a month after I started. Ive been working here for about three months. We work security. So hes a very large fellow and claims to have trained with UFC fighters, be a black belt in X amount of martial arts (i myself do martial arts and some he claims to have a blackbelt in dont even HAVE belt systems lol).
He also says whenever he goes kareokeing people make him sing 30+ songs.
He claims to have been a manager for a construction company.
He also claims to have been a hunter.
He also claims to be a C1 level in French.
He also claims to have had many threesums and this and that about a supposed sexlife
He also claims to be an "athlete".
He also claims to have intimate knowledge of some of the high tech equipment at our workplace
He also tried to convince me the Byzantine and Roman empire were the same thing.
He also refuses to cross a street on foot patrol claiming "we are in danger because we are authority figures and people will attack us."
I think hes just lazy
He also pisses me the fuck off.
EDIT
Ok i probably lost the argument on the byzantine thing. But as far as I knew they were the HRE and not the actual Roman empire itself? Oh well.
nrq · 152 points · Posted at 12:47:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He also tried to convince me the Byzantine and Roman empire were the same thing.
Am I missing something here? That the Byzantine Empire is the continuation of the Roman Empire is pretty much established historical fact, isn't it?
Essentially, yes. You could argue for days over whether or not it can be technically classed as the "Roman Empire", but they aren't exactly worlds apart when it comes down to it. The main issues arise when you define whether Byzantium was a continuation of the Roman state, or a new organisation altogether. I've always considered the Byzantine to simply be a later version of the Roman Empire, personally.
[deleted] · 11 points · Posted at 15:55:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Byzantine to simply be a later version of the Roman Empire, personally.
Except it co-existed with the western roman empire for 100 years, considered itself Roman, and emperors based in Constantinople ruled over a ruled east and west empire.
I think you've misinterpreted what I meant. I never implied it was separate, just an alteration on the original. Byzantine = Roman, just a bit different.
du4ko · 1 points · Posted at 07:51:02 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
As far as I know Byzantia is a state of Rome. That does not mean they are the same , but they were probably controlled by Rome.
Wiki
The Byzantine Empire, sometimes referred to as the Eastern Roman Empire, was the continuation of the Roman Empire in the East during Late Antiquity and the Middle Ages, when its capital city was Constantinople (modern-day Istanbul, originally founded as Byzantium).
The Byzantine Empire wasn't controlled by Rome. In fact, it actually took control of Rome back from the invading forces that had taken it from the Empire earlier. It was essentially the Roman Empire, but controlled from Constantinople.
du4ko · 1 points · Posted at 08:27:47 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I am not historically educated that much, that was just assumption. There are only war stories between Byzantia and my country I know.
Upon losing a war with Byzantian every 99 out of 100 men were blinded, the one that is left was not blinded so he can lead the people home.
The Emperor that blinded the men was called Basil II he later got the nick name Bulgarian slayer for what he did.
Earlier of those events.
Wiki
Krum of Bulgaria was said by Theophanes the Confessor, Joannes Zonaras, Mannases Chronicle, and others, to have made a jeweled cup from the skull of the Byzantine emperor Nicephorus I (811 AD) after killing him in the Battle of Pliska.
Yeah the dude made a cup of the emperor head.
My point is I do not know shit historically if does not contain my country or much blood in it.
If you plucked a citizen out of the street of the Byzantine empire at any point in its existence and asked them, "Are you Roman?" they would all answer "yes".
not to be not picky, but the Byzantine empire was simply the name of the eastern Roman empire. even after roman had fallen, the eastern empire centraled in Constantinople continued until the 15th century.
[deleted] · 42 points · Posted at 11:28:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 17:03:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I agree. This is why most people are pathological liars- it has a lot to do with low self-esteem.
[deleted] · 4 points · Posted at 18:04:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Great words.
I used to tell lies a lot. Not necessarily whoppers, in fact they were mostly insignificant, but because my self-esteem had been shredded to the point of non-existence, I lied to cover up who I really was.
The inverse is that I'd lie just for entertainment. I'd practice crafting believable stories that had no reason to be a lie. Any question anyone would ask me was answered with a plausible, meaningless lie.
Pathological liars that tell whoppers all the time have other disorders besides low self esteem. They have delusions and dissociation issues where they think their illogical bullshit isn't obviously disprovable.
There are many, many more who pathologically lie and you just don't know it. Making up boring stories about what you did over the weekend, what you ate for breakfast. Traffic. What you watched on TV...
telling stories that never happened when making small talk that nobody would have a reason to doubt.
mmmh
ps: i'm lying about all of this, proving my point. I think a better term for it is "bullshitting" moreso than lying.
I agree with you. I am unfortunately the person that gets angry. Especially when the liar is someone who sits around and cant even do security work lmaoo
Ok I probably lost the argument on the byzantine thing. But as far as I knew they were the HRE and not the actual Roman Empire itself? Oh well.
The Byzantine empire was based in Byzantium/Constantinople/Istanbul and fell in 1453. The HRE was a loose confederation of German and northern Italian states that was dissolved in 1806...
The HRE was a different successor state to Rome. Basically in 476, when Rome fell, it had been divided into two administrative units, East and West, each with an emperor. A general name Odoacer sacked Rome and deposed the western emperor, claiming the title King of Italy and paying lip service to the authority of the eastern emperor. In reality, the emperor had no authority over the western part of the empire, and it broke up into many kingdoms, but on paper those kingdoms were still subjects to the Roman empire.
In 800 the Frankish king Charlemagne helped the pope against his enemies, and in return was crowned Emperor of the Romans (i.e., western emperor). His empire broke up after his death but, this set the precedent, and in 962 the German king Otto I was given the title, and it was passed on to his successor, founding the Holy Roman Empire.
Generally the Eastern Roman Empire is considered to be an actual extension of the Roman empire, because it maintained political continuity until it was conquered by the Ottomans in the 1400s. Its inhabitants thought of themselves as Roman citizens, though the population was predominantly Greek. Western Europeans, seeking to downplay its status, referred to it as "Empire of the Greeks." The name Byzantine Empire was coined by a historian in the HRE some time after the Empire fell. The HRE on the other hand was a successor state, but really bore very little resemblance politically or geographically to the Western Roman Empire.
MZM204 · 2 points · Posted at 16:41:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I worked with a guard like that in Winnipeg, Canada. Pretty similar types of stories, but then again Security attracts a lot of losers with tough guy complexes.
Would be interesting to say a bunch of pseudo-French words in his presence, and see if he tries to understand it. If that fails, say some odd/bizarre sentences, and see how he responds...
"I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much everything. Karate. Larate. Jiu Jitsu. Kick punching. Belt making. Taekwondo...
It's been a long time since I've been active in martial arts, but anytime it would come up, the other person was guaranteed to be a black belt or have a crazy story about their sensei or coach being the best ever.
Ok i probably lost the argument on the byzantine thing. But as far as I knew they were the HRE and not the actual Roman empire itself? Oh well.
HRE and Byzantine Empire are definitely two separate things. The HRE was a confederation of German states while the Byzantine Empire was the Eastern Roman Empire. They even called themselves Roman and the term Byzantine didn't come around until after the fall of the empire.
[deleted] · 24 points · Posted at 11:35:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
A kid at my school was a nice, likeable kid, but he was known for lying all the time.
He said his dad was a secret agent, his family were on the run, lived all over the world, the usual stuff.
Although, in our last year, when we were around 15 – 16 years old, he told his girlfriend that he had cheated on her and the girl he had slept with was now pregnant with his child. He said that she wouldn’t look after the child, and that he would have to raise it alone. The girlfriend dealt with this and said that she would stay with him and raise the kid as theirs.
Right before she began to make preparations for her whole life as a parent just after leaving school, it turned out he had made the whole thing up, never cheated, no other girl, no pregnancy. Never saw him again after leaving school and still to this day don’t understand why anyone would lie about that.
BONUS ROUND: Another kid at my school said he had inoperable cancer and had six months to live on prom night. 0% chance of living with rapid decline in health expected over the next month. Six months later he showed no signs of illness and was completely fine. I’ve actually heard of a few people lying about having cancer, weird.
Based on the fact that he lied about having inoperable cancer on prom night, I'm guessing he was hoping some girl would take pity on him and sleep with him before he "died".
Nenry · 2 points · Posted at 17:02:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I don't get why kids lie about having cancer. Sure, people are concerned, but after a while people find out and you're screwed. Why would they risk that?
Could have wanted to break up with her and didn't want to do it himself. That's a really stupid reason of course, but people have definitely done that before and it wouldn't be shocking to think a teenager would try to do it in an over-the-top fashion.
There's this guy whom we'll refer to as Cartman. Now,Cartman's a one upper and attention seeking and loves pulling guns and knives on people to seem tough; but best of all his entire life story is seemingly a lie. However, he did his homework so if you don't think too much about it, it almost sounds believable. Cartman lies about his age and tells everyone that he is a combat vet that was deployed to Afghanistan and assisted in the Haiti relief and tells stories of thorwing rocks at haitian kids. He'll even give you the name of the base, his company, rank, unit, supposed awards, you name it. However, once the age facade was unraveled he kept up with it, covering up one lie with another. Now the fact of the matter is, Cartman would have had to complete all his training, go to airborne school, be deployed, gain the rank of sergeant, catch a frag grenade to the head to deafen his ear, and then come back from deployment all in the span of let's say 11 months so he could go to school the next year at his current age -- that doesn't happen. Whenever questioned his go-to excuse is a trump card about having to kill a young afghani girl and how nobody could ever know what he's been through. The more he get's called out, the angrier he gets. Especially since one of the people that called him out had actually spoken with someone who could verify whether any of that was true. The best part is that he claims a frag grenade went off next to his head and that is why he has cauliflower ear (but no shrapnel scars or other deformities at all). Whenever Cartman gets called out he also likes to get in peoples faces and get loud although he's never had the gaul to swing, only threaten; and when he is not the center of attention he either A) starts telling an obviously bullshit story to get people focused on him again or B) If he is around vets he'll start having a "ptsd episode". As far as anyone's concerned,Cartman is fucked in the head.
To be honest, I don't have a clue. But he has be known to say some raunchy shit as long as it feeds into the narrative. This was one of the more obvious one's meaning as though the fake age he tells everyone he is still would have placed him at 17 yrs old at the time of the relief effort
Mostly fake crying, the motions and the sounds - but no tears. He usually begins it by playing taps on his phone before the crying sounds but it's always situational. Other times someone would set off a fireworks and he'd run to his car to grab a gun he didn't have, smirking the entire way. only to open up the door and go "whew, that was close" with an ear to ear grin. It's hard to explain but if you could see it you'd know - it just doesn't seem natural but more like it was completely intended - kind of like how amateur actors seem wooden on camera, it's like that...... it looks scripted
A few people, his roommate and a few others knew but didn't say anything until everyone else found out when Cartman's girl discovered the truth and put it on blast. But my understanding is he is in the National Guard but never went active duty or was deployed. Some of the vets called him on stolen valor and were rightfully furious about it, a handful had Cartman's back regardless of the fact that a few people went digging around and found social media posts from him talking about wishing he would have went active duty, being stuck on closing shift at a retail job and hanging out with his friends during this supposed deployment in which he was "shot" and "hit with a grenade".
Everyone knows that 90% of what comes out of Cartman's mouth is a lie for attention or superiority, whether it's about his friends, his ex's, or the weather outside. He's the type of guy that will tell you the sky is green and the grass in pink. But at this point, most people from what I've seen just tolerate him.
fix24 · 245 points · Posted at 10:37:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A girl I know is the most horrible liar. She has accused multiple people of sexual abuse - always believe the victim, right? Wrong. Several people she accused had proven alibis and she couldn't keep a constant story. Her lies range from telling our friends that her and I were going on a date, to her lying about having cancer so she could get out of rent "to pay the medical bills."
She previously moved cities because everyone caught wind of her bullshit, so she started pulling the same moves here.
The worst part is that she's an incredibly cool person to talk to and gets along with everyone very well, but she's an absolute monster once you become aware of her.
I have an ex who established a similar pattern of lies. Last I knew she was telling everyone with a pair of ears that she had stage 4 ovarian cancer. I grilled her on symptoms, stages, treatment details, the whole nine yards until she finally cracked. She yelled at me for "ruining her fun."
We can cut a few corners in the safety department. Fuck it no oxygen on board. Though, I'm starting to think I could probably save more money by just using an old refrigerator
Damn, my brother lies but it's more in a narcissist way. Talks shit about others but it's in a believable way. I grew up with me being the target but now that he lost his wife and kids everyone sees the bullshit. But now his lies are crazier because no one believes the little ones anymore. At least people are on my side for the first time in 20 years :)
Although I have a super villain aunt who lies nonstop and even I didn't notice until she turned it on me. It started with a conversation with another relative that went like this: "I thought you graduated from college last year?" - "Um, I did!" - "Your aunt said you didn't actually graduate" - "She was there when I walked the stage!"
She had been in the family for over 20 years at that point, spreading all kinds of discord. No one had caught up to her.
She told me my cousin's wife has been in a mental hospital several times. I don't even know if it's true. She lies about the kind of stuff you're usually too embarrassed to ask people about.
It's really weird how no one really cares until he told ONE lie about them. It's like, I've been telling you about what he's done to me for years and you belittle, now that this ONE lie is about you it suddenly changes everything.
I think it's easy to dismiss it - especially for the sake of peace in the family - until you've had a very objective truth about yourself turned upside down. Then it's pretty undeniable. I mean, maybe cousin Fred really did shoplift that one time - who am i to say? But what? You told everyone I gave chlamydia to three people? What the fuckity fuck? I know that isn't true.
Huh! I feel like I understand what your saying better than I've ever understood something a stranger has tried saying over the internet. Reading what you've said, I can just "feel" what you mean. It's completely impossible to describe it to someone that hasn't personally been effected by the lie/s. I really hope you are doing well in life. I had/have enough shit going on in my personal life that I'm content with watching my brothers life fade away, now he can bitch about someone else.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 06:37:44 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Have you done any research into why this might be happening? That's a pretty scary thing to just be depending on spices from your kitchen. I don't mean that badly - I know food can be powerful - but I would not be trusting my remaining ovary to cinnamon and ginger.
Omg I know someone like this! Her lies may not be elaborate, but like you said she gets along with everyone and is really cool until you catch on to all the lies. She's not very consistent with any of them. What sucks the most is I trusted her with my past experiences. (I have been sexually assaulted) and she went on to say she had been raped by someone and her bf at the time broke up with her because of it. Makes sense now. It was all a lie.
To his credit he has changed, but he used to lie about the most pointless stuff like where he was and how long he would be to arrive. Shit that didn't matter in the slightest but would still straight up lie about. Once we called him out on it a few times he gradually stopped
I lie about that because fuck is someone asking me for? I'm omw, I'll get there when I get there, maybe 20 minutes, maybe 2 hours, depends on the buses mein nega!
fix24 · 2 points · Posted at 02:19:41 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Isn't it horrible? They seem so trustworthy and seek your insecurities only to belittle them or "one-up" them. It's disgusting. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. The exact same thing happened to me too, and it made feel like shit for even bringing the assault up.
Sounds just like my ex who lost her shit while watching Orphan. The miscarriage scene was too much because she had recently 'miscarried' our child that she made up for us to get back together.
After we broke up, her new friends would call me threatening to kill me for 'putting my hands on her'. Never touched her.
She also cooked with Martha Stewart when she worked for Sur La Table and had been a chef for 4 years. At 17 years old.
Turns out she was hooking on the side because I 'awakened her sexuality'. Which im still skeptical about but could actually see being true. She did an AMA on here which is how i found out about that.
A girl I was friends with all the way through school would accuse every guy she dated of raping her... Only she refused to ever file charges and none of the guys she accused ever got into any trouble (I'm thinking if they raped once, surely at least one of them would rape again)... Eventually she got married as well as divorced shortly after I was divorced (btw her now ex allegedly raped her several times) She came over and goes into this long speech about how we should move in together and even consider marriage because we have been friends for 15+ years... I declined and she went home... A few days later, a mutual friend ran into me and confronted me about raping the girl... Surprise surprise ...
Dude caught up to me years after HS and told me a story that I originally told him years ago about a crazy group of friends of mine, people he didn't know, but in telling me the story, superimposed himself in my place. Also the butt of the joke in the story was changed from the guy it happened to, to me in the story.
I lost my collective shit. It was some serious 'single white female' antics.
When me and my friends were all 13, or something there was this local nightclub that hosted "under 18" nights where teenagers could basically go to act like twats. There wouldn't be alcohol or anything, and they searched you before you went in so you couldn't sneak in anything illegal.
My friends convinced me to go because it was apparently "impossible to not grind with someone" and that the last time they went they fingered these 16 year olds in the toilets.
Yeah... it was nothing like that. Imagine a club filled with socially awkward teenagers drinking lemonade trying to act cool. It was like that.
[deleted] · 12 points · Posted at 14:27:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Idk man must be your part of town but I remember when I was in high school a local club did the same thing and it was pretty damn insane, imagine 300+ horny teenagers inside a dimly lit club with lots of pitch black areas with couches.....yeaaaa weird shit happened.
Yup I remember those nights. Putting on my freshest billybong button down short sleeve and khaki shorts and drinking warm redbull all night with the 3 other dudes I showed up with.
A girl I went to school with claimed she was a Swedish princess,
Considering what happens when a town got pillaged back in the day, quite a few of us may be descended from royalty, probably bastard children of royalty, but royalty nontheless
Classic not really an epic lie one: This girl in school always went on about all the guys after her (somehow they were all from other cities). She'd show us her phone which would have their names and she'd tell us how cool they were etc. Think she would laugh that we didn't have anyone who liked us the same way or used it to boast about how more mature she was.
When she fucked up the lie: One day she shows us a picture of her fella to show how hot he was, and I recognized the picture. She knew none of us read any gossip magazines, but the day before my cousin came round and we flicked through one by chance. The guy she claimed to be her hunky bf was a picture from the magazines 'soup tv stars when they were younger' section. I pointed this out and she hid her phone instantly. I don't think she brought up her many admirers again.
[deleted] · 54 points · Posted at 11:33:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
gnorty · 6 points · Posted at 18:49:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This escalated into the manager firing the co-worker over the phone and eventually got the co-worker to terminate himself
Wait. Did the guy kill himself? And the boss was tryign to make him do that? Or did the guy resign, and the boss was tryig to make him do that? The last one makes more sense, but you said the boss already had fired him.
It was in the news this morning some guy spoke at one of the memorials in Orlando claiming to be the club and it was all BS and now he has his face and name all over the news branded as a compulsive liar.
Oh okay. Because wouldn't that be weird if he was like. Some straight sports ball playing guy lying about this? It would make literally no sense at all.
[deleted] · 19 points · Posted at 13:47:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
All through school I had the same best friend, Anna.
Anna and I met in third grade. It became immediately clear to little 8 year old me that my new friend was a pathological liar on our first sleepover. Anna brought along a doll that she said held a heart monitor in it, because she "had SIDS when she was a baby and this doll would sound an alarm if her heart stopped".
I remember talking to my mom about it in the other room and just being totally baffled that my friend was claiming to have had "sudden infant death syndrome."
It was the beginning of a wild and beautiful friendship filled with all sorts of harrowing and tragic tales. I've always been impressed with her creativity and theatrics. We've lost touch over the years. :(
I was the compulsive liar. I was born in China, and sometimes on a plane which meant I wasn't born in any state. I went to Hawaii every summer, and I had a Hawaiian boyfriend who was a surfer, and saved me from drowning.
There are many more, that's just the tip of the iceberg. I had a lot of trouble at home and wanted people to like me, but I was weird and despite all my efforts to be cool I failed miserably. I don't make shit up anymore, I eventually realized that I should just do what I like and even though there will be people who don't like me, there will also be people who do. I much prefer being genuine.
I was the same. I shudder at the horseshit and contradictory stories I offered up to friends and schoolmates. I had really low self esteem and thought no one could ever like me for me.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 19:15:06 on June 30, 2016 · (Permalink)
I hope you really did overcome it, and I hope you were rewarded with actual healthy and lasting relationships.
That's kind, thank you :) yes, I've since learned to appreciate myself and my real experiences. It's just not the same when the only things people know about you were entirely made up in your head.
I had a co-worker would constantly lied about her life... There are a few great ones..
1. She was neighbors with Sandra bullock and they would go horse back riding all the time.
2. She use to be a go go dancer and her waist use to be so small you could put your hands all the way around and your fingers would touch (this lady is an obese women)
There's other things but after a while I stopped listening...
Not saying any of this is true but I know an obese woman who was a showgirl in Vegas years ago and was super tiny. I was shocked when I saw the pictures, so she might have been exaggerating but not outright lying.
She's one of those ladies that's done everything, knows everything and everyone all better than you have type. I am sooooo glad she moved away and I don't have to deal with her anymore.
My former landlady was like this. Also an obese woman, married to an obese guy but supposedly fifteen years ago she was super hot and slim ("but with big boobs") and rich men were always coming in to the Dillard's where she worked as a salesgirl to try to get with her, and one of them wanted to put her in Playboy. I wanted to be like "lady if some dude wandered into an Oklahoma department store and told you he could put you in Playboy, he was not from Playboy" but I had to go through her in order to get things in my house fixed, so I just said "that's cool."
Why do accounts like that exist? Fake internet points are even less valuable that way. "Ooh look ot me, I can make a number on a website get reeeaaally big!" Why not just play Cookie Clicker? Same concept, really.
Hey man I think you're wrong
For one this persons username isn't u/Kimberly9 it is u/removed
And also the two posts are nothing alike this person only wrote "deleted" while u/Setsun wrote a pretty long story.
Sestun · 1 points · Posted at 15:04:16 on July 12, 2016 · (Permalink)
Cox has to do ambulance duty. Gets stuck with a chatty lady that talks about her son almost constantly. Cox gets pissed off. Tells her to quiet down. Turns out the son's been dead a while and she missed him so much.
If only it had been an episode of House, then House could have realized from her rambling description that her son died of complications from lupus, and it would lead to the ex-husband having poisoned the son with lupus in order to get access to the grandparent's trust fund.
bonus action scene: House confronts the husband who pulls a loaded gun from under a throw pillow on the davenport, but House disarms him with a swing of his cane.
Dr. Cox is stuck riding around assisting in an ambulance with a really talkative woman who like to cherrily ramble about everything and a few times brings up her young son, . Cox Drafter getting increasingly annoyed over the course of the episode and yells at her to shut her trap and nobody gives a shit about her stupid kid, turns out her motivation for driving an ambulance was the death of her son
Overall it was an okay episode but compared to some of the others, not that much of a tear jerker. Most people say Jordan's brother's funeral is the saddest, i personally think all the three of the people who received transplants from the patient who unknowingly had rabies is the saddest
Dude, when JD sat him down to tell him that there was nothing he could've done, I had the naive hope that we were about to see a turnaround and the rest of the episode would be about making good days where you could. I never expected to see the third one die.
Lol scrubs lives on! Im always suprised to see people directly refer to it on reddit for some reason, its just an ancient show that lives forever in our memories.
How detailed were her kids personalities? Did they make sense in different stories? Did she imagine her kids were perfect little angels or did she make up problems for them too?
[deleted] · 12 points · Posted at 12:40:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Am I the only one disturbed about this woman showing random pictures of children to others, pretending those are her kids?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 12:42:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a co-worker who did the same thing. Talked about her daughter all the time, then I find out she doesn't have kids. Very strange.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 12:14:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
A woman who can't bear children but desperately wants to be a mother. You'd be surprised how much not being able to satisfy a primal instinct can fuck with someone.
I forget that the overwhelming majority of people on reddit can't stop trying to rake in that karma for any meaningful period of time, took me a second to realize they were trying to be funny.
why would the story mention that? OP probably wouldn't know that anyway. you asked who would lie about having kids. Somebody who can't have kids might lie about having kids. Maybe that's why this lady lied, maybe not. You shouldn't rule it out just because the story doesn't mention it.
sssh · 0 points · Posted at 12:21:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Maybe somebody who really want to have kids but cannot. Are you still laughing? :-/
I feel bad posting this, because the person in question died last year in a motorcycle accident, but he honestly was one of my best friends, despite (and probably even because of) some of the whoppers he told. Here's a partial list:
1. His girlfriend was away in Okinawa training to be a ninja. We all knew his girlfriend, and she did in fact visit her grandparents in Okinawa. She was not, to our knowledge, a ninja.
2. He was an expert guitar player, and had played for Eddie Van Halen when he met him in an airport (apparently Eddie had his guitar with him). Eddie was so impressed he offered to take him on tour with him, but he was too young. The only guitar we ever saw in his house was a toy guitar in his attic.
3. He was a practicing warlock (not referring to Wicca), and had once met a 500-year-old vampire. He also claimed that the number 16 was magical and would summon Satan. He would pretend to freak out any time someone would say the number 16.
4. He claimed to have "secret knowledge" of technology that the Germans had that would have enabled them to win WWII, but they didn't use it. This came from files that his Dad had hidden away in his attic (how his Dad, who was a plumber, had these files was never explained).
I know it seems wrong, but somehow these stories were kind of endearing. I miss you, dude.
We had a "one upper" in the office that told countless lies that ranged from "maybe" to "holy shit you absolute bullshitter" here's a fun game to play, make up stories with him/her in direct earshot to try and get him/her to one up you, the more unbelievable the lie they tell the more points you score.
i.e. "I went skydiving the other day! It was fucking mental"
One Upper: "Yeah I used to be a professional sky diver but I had to stop to concentrate on my professional football career"
Holy shit. This exact thing happened to me. Ok I HAVE been sky diving, once. But this guy was doing free fall, solo jumps since day one.
He's also a liar who faked a fall from a catwalk while at work, went to multiple doctors until he found one that would give him a back job and is now deeply into the pharm, a la fentanyl patches.
He fell off the face of the earth from our gaming group for a few years, spent in his basement, in a stupor. But in that time he has amassed a pile of internet stories he likes to use to bolster his image.
I can't listen to his bullshit anymore. As soon as he opens his mouth now I say, 'prove it or it never happened'. He's slowed down considerably, thankfully.
Worst is this guy is in bad shape from being a lazy fuck all his life. His back issues are a joke. I've seen him hop fences and do all manner of things. I don;t know how he found a doctor to give this to him. I have to believe the lying takes some part in that. Shopping doctors or something. No one sane would have put him on this. He is NOT fucking dying. Fentanyl doesn't help him. I can't believe how lucid he is while on it though.
Having just gotten into it myself, you can complete your AFF Level 1, which allows for a solo free fall from day 1. Just requires a little training. :D
Not in Canada, at least to my knowledge but I've only done one jump (greatest thing ever). You have to do a few tandem jumps first. Also this guy well...it's just not believable.
I had a roommate that was a one upper like that, only she should really have been called a one downer. She would argue with anyone that she was the most depressed person in the world. She told her closest friend that when his baby sister got cancer that his ensuing depression wasn't legitimate and nowhere near as bad as hers. I or the other roommates would come home and say we had a bad day and shed immediately launch into how horrible her entire life was right up until that day.
This is exactly like this girl who I used to be friends with. Well, sort of friends. We would only hang out when it was with a bunch of our other mutual friends. I had a panic attack once while she was there (and was super embarrassed by the way) and when asked if I was okay I just said that it happens sometimes and I just kind of have to wait it out, and suddenly it's obviously not that bad because she'd had severe depression and anxiety for 6 years and had tried to kill herself 3 times and according to her I faked it because panic attacks aren't like that at all. She said she slit her wrists in one suicide attempt but has no scars at all. It's not that I don't believe her on any of it. I'm sure she has some sort of issues going on. Just that wasn't really the best time (or the best way) to bring it up.
Another time we were playing truth or dare with a bunch of people drunk and it turned into someone asking a question and everyone in the group responding. I forget the question but I told them I had been sexually abused as a very young child and (I believed this at first) she claimed to have been gang raped the year before. The next time we were all hanging out she brought up that story again but this time it was her stalker ex boyfriend who raped her. She showed us a picture of him and it was a picture of some guy from a season of The Amazing Race (my parents watched it regularly for a few years) who lives in a different state. The next time we were all together she accused me of lying about being sexually abused and said it upset her to be around me since she had been raped by her dad. I know from her mom that he left before she was born. Anyway I don't hang out with her anymore.
Knew a kid in college like that and we did the same shit. No matter what story anyone told he always had a better one tangentially related. Even though you could see it in his face he never had to think about anything or remember a fucking thing and was just making it up as he went along. Evidently it was his way of making friends and meeting women
My first room mate was a pathological liar. Erica was a few years older than me (I was 18 at the time, she was 21), was my co-worker at a restaurant, and we were pretty good friends until I moved in with her.
I could probably write a book on her crazy, but my favorite story about her is when I was trying to get ready for work one day. Our boss was super particular about uniform and would flip out if our shirt collars were wrinkled, so I ask Erica where her iron is so I can set up the iron and ironing board. She tells me it's on a shelf, in my haste I knock it down and it hits my foot pretty hard. Leaves a cut and bruise. Whatever, I go about my business, iron my shirt and leave for work.
Later that day, my boss and I are talking with Erica about said uniforms (I worked a double, Erica only worked the evening shift). Boss makes a comment about how she is happy my shirt isn't wrinkled today. I tell her that thanks to Erica I was able to iron it.
Erica looks at me, dead in the eyes and says, "What iron?" 100% serious. Not joking.
This isn't our first issue and I'm not in the mood for her to make me out to look stupid, "Erica, really? I just ironed my shirt today with your iron. It fell on my foot and I have a bruise from it."
It's because you broke her cover. If she "didn't own an iron" she could not by the restaurant be brought up for having a wrinkled uniform. The restaurant can't force you to have an iron, so if she's a little mussed, she has a legit excuse the restaurant can't make a problem out of. It may have been naivete, but unless what you're saying at a restaurant job is helping someone or fixing a problem, don't get involved. Those places are dens of gossip and politics/
Had a friend in high school who would lie about anything.
Once in home economics class, we somehow got on the subject of conjoined twins. She then proceeded to tell the class how her cousin had conjoined twins, but they both died. She said that the twins were a boy and a girl, and they were conjoined to appear as if they were hugging one another.
The teacher, not wanting to embarrass her, just have a funny look and said, 'oh, sorry for her loss,' but seemed appalled at the lie due to the fact that only identical twins can be conjoined.
[deleted] · 14 points · Posted at 13:53:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
At age 12 claimed that he had to give up his job as body guard for Axl Rose because he had every major organ simultaneously transplanted and his dad had to sell their private 747 to pay for it. His proof for this tale was a 1" scar on his stomach through which he claimed they'd replaced his liver using experimental techniques.
[deleted] · 4 points · Posted at 13:56:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
1" scar? Wow, surgery is getting less and less invasive.
Why would anyone even have a private 747 to start with
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 17:47:44 on June 24, 2016 · (Permalink)
Even Iron Maiden rent theirs.
[deleted] · 16 points · Posted at 16:59:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This guy was a compulsive, pathological, condescending liar. We'll call him R.
R is a nice guy, so that's why we hang out with him, and his lies entertain us. We made a game out of catching him in his lies.
He always felt the need to one up EVERY story. You won a raffle at work? He won the lottery.
Here are some that really stuck out:
He took Hilary Duff's virginity on a dance floor in the south of France.
He released a techno album at the age of 13 and was the most popular resident DJ in Sweden. Nevermind that he probably couldn't legally even get into any of the clubs. He also netted 1 million dollars.
He was a professional Porsche race car driver. His Porsche race car (never specified what it was) was yellow and he had a matching yellow suit. Never mind that he was an obese motherfucker, his skills totally made up for that.
He composes music for some famous rock bands who's names he can't tell us because of an NDA. He flies private everywhere and has 3 Carrera GTs in the Caymans. When I asked him for a ride, he denied me as my presence aboard his private plane cannot be written off as a business expense.
When he gets high, he likes to air guitar and "freestyle" the exact same rap song every time. Not a lie, but it's just crazy funny to watch until you want to go home and he won't let you leave.
I won't even get into all his lies with the Lizard people (I can't even).
He claimed to have dated Shakira for the longest time. When we would point out that she was dating someone in the tabloids, he'd say that it is just to keep the heat off of them.
He was able to negotiate 80% off the price tag on his car.
He once tried to convince me my girlfriend was hitting on him and tried to come on to him, saying how he is so much more of a man than I was. My gf at the time HATED his guts which he pretended was her covering up her lust for him.
I vaguely remember him telling me how he had sex with Elisha Cuthbert. It's hard to remember/care for all the premises of his lies.
He once cut off a gangster's car, and then the gangster pulled out a gun and shot at him but barely missed because he drove off before they could pull the trigger. They then entered a car chase where he avoided every bullet shot at him, and using his professional Porsche driving skills he out ran them in his econobox.
He also used to compete in the UFC, the memory is hazy, but everyone was afraid of him there because of his extensive knowledge of absolutely every martial arts. What makes this story hilarious is that three days later he was with a friend of mine and they almost got into a fight and he ran like a scared little bitch. So we were like "what happened to your UFC killing abilities" to which he replied something similar to /u/RamsesThePigeon 's friend Michael about how he didn't want to kill 3 guys.
He is currently dating a girl who believes his lies and is also a compulsive liar/cheater (she blew another friend while she was with her ex and then dated R like 3 weeks later, while still dating her ex for 4 months).
I don't hang with him anymore, but man was it fun egging him on to see what lies he could come up with. They were so detailed. I feel bad because I think he really believes his own lies.
There was a kid I went to junior high with who would always tell these grand stories, or talk about all the things his family had that were completely unbelievable.
He would tell us stories about crazy hunting trips "back in my country", or "my uncle has a toilet made of gold and his house is on a private island you have to take a boat to" and we would always tell him to stop making things up. He left town when high school started, and I never really thought about him again unail recently chatting with an old friend.
Turns out his family is actually one of the richest families in my city, because his uncle owns gold mines or something. All of his stories were true and no one believed a single one of them.
I once worked with a bitch named Rose who claimed that her father's body was placed in an air conditioned mausoleum. She said that the mausoleum was top of the line and that his body was laying on an open table in the middle of the room so that her mother could go everyday to visit with him. She said that she had taken her mom one time and that the mom had broken off his pinky finger and placed it in her purse so that she could have a piece of him close to her at all times. I asked her how they kept his body from decomposing and she said that there was a device that would flip his body every couple of hours "to keep him fresh". When i asked her to describe it she swore it was like a giant spatula.
This lady would lie about everything. She also once claimed to adopt the child featured on the feed the children's ad. She made up this elaborate story about flying her to Texas from Africa every year since she was able to adopt her.
She was freaking delusional. I could write a book full of all her bullshit stories.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 20:53:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I have a friend (let’s call him Mark) who is usually late to everything. He usually comes up with excuses that no one really believes but it is interesting to listen to them anyways.
So one example is that a group of friends were going to go the beach for a night and we split into two groups. The first group was going to leave in the morning and pretty much everyone was in the first group. The second group included Mark and another guy (let’s call him Bob) whom we didn’t know too well.
Anyways, as the first group left, I called Mark to ask where he was. His first response was “oh hey I am almost ready, I head out as soon as I can.” Okay cool no problem. 20 minutes later, I gave him a call again and he said “oh I am on my way.” About every 20 minutes, I would call Mark to see where he was and he was describing me places that he was passing by like the towns, gas stations, stores, and etc. Well by the time we got to the beach, I called Mark and he said “oh I think I am running into car trouble but I am only 15 minutes away so I can make it.” Okay no problem. We continued to enjoy the night and 20 minutes later I gave Mark another call. His response was “oh I think the engine is dying so I am going to turn around and head back home.”
What? He was 15 minutes away, suddenly had car trouble, but can still turn around and drive all the way back? (Driving to the beach takes more than an hour) Obviously, Mark never showed up and that didn’t surprise anyone. A few months later, I became friends with Bob and I brought up Mark’s story about his car’s engine. Bob said “well we never actually left the place. Mark just googled map the directions and was just describing what he saw on Google maps. We actually just stayed home and watched tv.”
Worked with a guy at a supermarket. He used to tell some pretty impressive stories; I was young and impressionable and impressed...for a while. Took me a few months to realize he was just full of it. The straw that broke the camel's back was when he promised to bring his dad's Porsche around my house for the nth time, but oh no! ...his brother crashed it the night before. I decided he was deluded, and cut him loose.
A few years later, I've graduated from college, and I'm working in a professional job in the city. I drop in to a McDonald's for lunch, and who do I see munching away on a cheeseburger? My old pal. I approach him, hey man, how the heck are you, what are you up to these days?? He shushes me, beckons me close, and then says in a whisper - "Keep it down, you'll blow my cover - I'm a secret food reviewer for McDonald's."
I once dated this guy when we were like 14. we were hooking up and being the prude virgin I was, didn't wanna go any further and told him so. he pushes me away, and says "I'll just do it myself," and proceeds to spit on himself and started whacking it. he was spitting and his eyes were completely black as he ferociously choked his chicken. I was terrified and left. I ended up dating a mutual friend and thought that guy was out of our life for good. nope. they ended up rooming together. he definately was/is a pathological liar but now that I'm thinking about it, this dude was just fucking weird. here's some things I remember:
-his family are filthy rich billionaires, his dad being the CEO of Valero
-he was top of his class, never missed school
-worked for a construction company his family owned
-was a really good motor cross rider (but the one time we saw him ride he broke his foot)
-high school baseball player, and already offered a scholarship for it.
-gonna join the navy seals or something as soon as friend's dad (director of DEA) could get him in earlier than usual
-he got a girl pregnant by cuming on her leg on a cruise to Alaska.
-he shot a guy in Mexico, as self defense.
-he once had this girlfriend and she was nuts, he said he got her a hunting knife for her bday and it made their sex life scary.
-he also made millions of dollars by mowing lawns in rich neighbor hoods.
-he would say he was going to work but we would see him just sitting in his truck outside of a Walmart hours later.
-said his truck got broken into but the 'hobo' only took his sleeping bag and not his iPhone, or wallet.
-he cut his finger open from cleaning his guns, and we drove him to 3 different emergency places cause he didn't like the first two.
-always talked like he was a solider being followed, like terrorist was after him and didn't like having a cellphone on because they could find him.
-dude would put his dirty dishes of CHILI in the dish washer without even washing it.
-I was giving my friend a tour of the house and his room was surprisingly unlocked. curiosity struck so I had to look. his room had everything packed like he would be ready to leave at a moments notice, except his mattress and multiple modified guns laying around. he even had the carpet vacuumed so he could see the foot prints if anyone broke in past his locks.
-had an alias and told my parents his name was Matt.
-would always eat my left overs and blame it on someone else. we caught him in a lie once and he claimed I let him eat my Olive Garden, nah.
-my favorite, he offers to pick up whataburger for everyone, but everyone else is wasted. he was supposed to be house sitting for these people but stole their car, so no drunk people could use it, whatever. I'm sober and hungry but my boyfriend says go ahead I'll stay here. we're driving and my phones on 1% and he says, "let's just sit down and eat." I'm thinking hell no I'm not about to be alone with this dude, and politely decline. awkward silence for a little and out of the blue this dude asks, "what's your period like?" like wtf were you thinking about for 5 minutes??
he moved out 2 years ago and is going to college now but his friends say he just lives there.. who knows. I wish I knew more of his stories he's made up.
tl;dr: dude got a girl pregnant by jizzing on her thigh, killed a guy in Mexico, also weird as fuck and spits on himself, and asks about girl's period as a convo starter.
Someone who came over for DnD told me they were an experienced Whiskey drinker and said they wish they had a glass right now. I opened my hidden stock and poured them some Glenliv 12 year with a rock and watched their face look slightly shocked. The kind of "not happy" shock, the more "oh fuck..." shock.
I watched them drink it and then they got dizzy after one glass... They had to lie down afterwards. Never believed any of their bullshit again. I guessed after that incident that they were a compulsive liar, because they told some pretty tall tales at the session. Turns out I was right, one of their friends confirmed it.
[deleted] · 9 points · Posted at 14:11:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I bumped into a guy I went to school with probably about 3 or 4 years after we graduated. He looked really unkempt and and stank too. We chatted and while we were mentioning what we were both up to nowadays he went into details that he was a music producer earning 6 figures and signing on big stars. OK dude, you're like 20 and you look like you're homeless but you're a big music producer. No problems.
Fast forward a couple weeks a friend of mine is heading home after a late night in town and sees the same guy sleeping on a park bench. While the lie was obvious and it's easy to laugh at it, hearing about him actually being homeless made me feel sad for the guy. Obviously overcompensating for his feelings of inadequacy. Hope he's in a better place now.
In a recent trial, scientists discovered a direct correlation between the size of the hypothalamus and frequency of telling lies. It has been hypothesized that lie-telling may be an advanced form of survival tactic for a species that is evolving past the need for more physical forms of survival.
I've known two of these kinds of people. Girl A, lied about the following:
Being raped. Repeatedly. Everytime she met a new guy, she was suddenly raped by him, got pregnant, had an abortion. Like clockwork.
Being molested by another student, then claiming the school administration would have made her shown them where she was touched on a doll, and she couldn't bear the humiliation (lies).
All kinds of lies about super hot guys that couldn't resist her/she was dating simultaneously (all lies)
Girl B, was way worse.
Lied about having her comics published by a major publishing company and faked an Amazon page showing it for sale.
Lied about being best friends and collaborating with Jhonen Vasquez (guy that invented Johnny the Homicidal Maniac and Invader Zim) on a comic. Fabricated IM conversations with him and showed them to all of us.
Claimed to be addicted to marijuana and constantly threatened to kill herself...until we threatened to call the police on her.
Lastly...CATFISHED HER BEST FRIEND FOR YEARS. Faked photos, gifts, letters, you name it, she did it. It was nothing short of psychotic.
I dealt with a girl that was like your "Girl A" she got a couple people in trouble with the police until they interviewed her about it and she gave like 10 different stories to them. Now she's in a psych ward somewhere in upstate NY.
My girlfriend's friend lies all the time, here is some of the stuff she's said
-She has Crohn's disease
-She's allergic to tequila and vodka (although she's drank both in front of everyone)
-She was born with curly red hair (has pin straight blond hair)
-Was born without a belly button
-She was born partially inside out
-Her body temperature is naturally lower than everyine else's
-She's accidentally done coke that was cut with meth and one of her friends stayed up for 5 days
-All of her boyfriend's have had dicks the size of her forearm
-Also she can graduate college in 3 years but wants to stay for all 4 because of her sorority
Only related because Baby Spice is mentioned, but I once watched a documentary on Backyard Wrestling, and this kid said th ewhole reason he did it was because he wanted to meet Baby Spice. He spent his weekends giving himself minor brain damage, in front of a small audience of like-minded dullards, and somehow expected word of his deeds to cross an ocean and land in Emma Bunton's ears, AND THEN she would be so impressed that she would want to travel to meet him.
I mean, I can't fault him for going for that summit, but you don't conquer Everest by flopping like a rag doll down the side of the Grand Canyon.
I'd love to hear more stories from the compulsive liar's side. Not many people are able to admit to being one, so good on you.
eqleriq · 12 points · Posted at 20:32:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
My lies are small and inconsequential (lie). I do it to entertain myself and treat lying as a skill that I've honed over the years (truth): can I tell a story that is believable and irrefutable?
Pushing obviously disprovable things are unacceptable. (truth)
For example, I used to work at a small company that was just myself and my boss. For years I talked about how my dad worked at an airlines customer support and received a certain amount of free flights (truth). So for a while I talked about how I use those flights to just fly somewhere random and wander around for a day (truth) or a weekend without sleeping / staying with friends (lie). But it was never anywhere fun or exciting.
So one friday I rushed out of the office to catch the early train (truth) to go on one of these flights (lie). Instead I took the train to my distant friend's house (lie), stayed there and texted my boss that my flight was delayed so I'd get in around noon. I got in at noon and talked about how unremarkable Zephyrhills, Florida was.
The joke of this was that what I actually did was far more interesting (truth). Shrug. (lie) The other joke is that this anecdote isn't true (lie).
What's odd about it is that I've not had any contact with my father for years (truth) and have no interest in him providing any value to my life (truth) so it isn't "hey i have a cool dad" thing (truth). It would be fairly obvious if it were true. It's just about the plausibility.
Another part of this is to mask emotions in a contrarian manner. If something doesn't bother me I might get irrationally angry about it to the surprise of others wondering what happened in my life that this bothers me, but if something really bothers me it doesn't matter and I can't be bothered. And this isn't some bipolar reaction, it's completely controlled and not consistent. If I was to recall / catalog all of these emotions they'd be perfectly maintained regarding each thing. (all truth)
Sauerkraut? I can't eat it (lie) because one time I thought I was eating something else and the flavor was so different that it revolted me (truth). One time I didn't know what was in a reuben, (truth) and bought it, and immediately threw it up (lie). It's simply a sort of forced revulsion that I can use to some arbitrary effect whenever (extremely rarely) relevant.
William S. Burroughs, of whom I'm a huge fan (truth), described these as playing out scenarios (truth) and that we all at some point are on auto-pilot to play them out according to what our perceptions of proper role play is (lie).
At the end of the day, I know how full of shit I am (truth) and that it doesn't really matter (truth) because optics are everything (truth) and I don't believe it is low self-esteem so much as zero ego (lie)
Curious, have you seen a therapist for this? It sounds like that would help you a lot, especially because you're already making a conscious effort to change. Having someone objective to work with on your personal problems can make a world of difference. I don't mean to sound condescending in any way. I have been to a therapist during some shitty times in my life, and it helped me pull through and stop some of the behaviors that were destructive to myself and the people I love.
Exact same situation with me. It's obvious to everyone that I'm lying, even to me, but then I just cannot bring myself to stop right there and I feel this need to finish the rest of the story
I am known for stretching the truth sometimes. As of recent, I haven't felt the need to.
Although, at one point I used to tell stories that seemed really false, and sounded like bullshit. My friends used to call me out on it until someone else would validate the story. Those were the best.
I used to be the exact same. I managed to quit when I finished high school and never saw the same people again so I didn't need to keep up the stories anymore.
Thankfully no one ever called me out or anything...I'm not sure if have been able to cope
Tom908 · 1 points · Posted at 21:53:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It started off harmless enough. She was being stalked by an ex boyfriend. I knew some basic self defense, so I taught her what I knew and gave her a knife just in case. We were 15 and stupid. Then she said he brought a friend and the attacked her and forced her to give them blowjobs. She had a hickey on her neck as "proof." I asked how she knew him and told her to go to the police. She revealed that years ago she was a part of a gang with her current boyfriend and they moved here (an hour away) to escape the gang life after the current boyfriend shot and killed 3 people and then killed two more in a car chase... at age 11. Okaaaaay. This is getting slightly less believable. I just nod and smile. A few weeks later and I haven't heard any updates on the stalker, but I want more of this weird story. Turns out the stalker is dead. She walked all day to the neighboring city, slit his throat, and dumped his body in a creek in the forest. And then walked home. All in one night. Sure you did, 100lb 15 year old girl who lived in Minnesota until two years before.
keplar · 9 points · Posted at 12:36:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've known two, I believe, both at work.
The first was harmless, and great at his job. His lies usually revolved around his wife, who was a pharmacist, but whom he claimed was a neurologist surgeon. He would hold fake conversations on the phone, spinning yarns about how she was on the scene of some accident saving people, or in the midst of complex surgery. He also claimed to have spent months on a life raft in the Pacific during his military service, where he spoke to passing ships, islanders, and others using eleven languages he claimed to be fluent in.
The other was a much creepier liar. He also invented things about his wife, claiming her company issued her five BMWs for personal use, because she was so important. He claimed to have been a command sergeant major in the army (he had no verifiable service record of any kind), and to live in a 10,000 square foot mansion on a massive woodland estate (he lived in a 1,200 square foot townhouse in a subdivision). The creepy part came from him talking daily about his "daughters." They varied in number from 3 to 5 (more, once or twice), and were always beautiful, college aged, promiscuous, and spoken of in terms that were neither appropriate for work, nor for a father. We're pretty sure he had no children of either gender, but he definitely got off on talking about young women. He was disciplined repeatedly, and eventually removed from the office over this final issue.
The first guy, if you called him out, he'd laugh and say "you caught me!" Before continuing his story. The second guy would argue, and try to give even more detail.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 20:10:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I once knew a girl who made up an elaborate story as to why she was late showing up for exams, which included her being in a fictitious band, and an 18+ club (when she was 16), herself being a DJ at said club, and herself being gang raped and impregnated by her rapists.
Of course the teacher contacted the police and they interviewed her, and determined she was lying. They asked the club and she never was in there. Her band didn't exist. There were no rapes in that neighborhood that night. They even did a rape kit and said that not only was she not raped, and not pregnant, but she had never had any type of vaginal sex.
The following month she announced via Facebook that she was pregnant with twins from her rape. Only her closest friends believed her (I was a close friend but I didn't believe that wacko). When everyone called bullshit and everyone at school was making fun of her, she faked a "stress miscarriage" where she "lost" both babies. She then said she would sue the school for stressing her out, causing her miscarriage, because (and this is my favorite part) her parents were Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, and Antonin Scalia of the Supreme Court.
TL;DR: A girl pretended to be raped at a club, claimed to be pregnant, claimed to have had a miscarriage, and then said her Supreme Court Justice parent's would sue the school.
[deleted] · 9 points · Posted at 12:39:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This girl I went to high school with. At first her claims weren't that far-fetched (private school).
She loves louis vuitton bags. Loves them. She has eight. The first one she brought on a free dress day, and I was like 'okay', the second one she brought was so very obviously a fake that I almost laughed. It was a strange, novelty shape in the classic brown/gold print, but the chain was plasticy and it was just... so fake.
She was a model. Now, this isn't too strange either, she's part native Australian and has a nice-ish face. Except, one day I saw her on the way to her 'photoshoot', wearing stuff that looked like dollarshop gothic steampunk items. She looked like a trainwreck, the photoshoots were obviously all paid for.
The biggest lie of them all was probably the house on the hill. Where I live, there's a super huge house on a hill that has wall to second story windows. It reflects huge amounts of light and can be seen from massive distances because, well, the houses we have aren't posh or swanky, except for this house. She says her family owns it, that she lives there, etc. Come her birthday and they 'sold the huge property and downgraded to something more humble. Later went to a party with a friend and met the people who had lived there for ten years. The girl then moved to our school and told everyone.
By this point, everyone knew she was a compulsive liar. She lost a huge amount of friends and got such a bad rap. No idea why she felt like she had to lie when she had a relatively good life. I think she was trying to justify her attitude.
Except, one day I saw her on the way to her 'photoshoot', wearing stuff that looked like dollarshop gothic steampunk items. She looked like a trainwreck, the photoshoots were obviously all paid for.
I feel like it wouldn't be uncommon to change into something at a photoshoot so why would it matter what she wore on the way there?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 09:40:27 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Because the photographer put them up on his facebook.
Wasn't a friend of mine but, she lied about having cancer. She went on and on everyday saying she was getting worse. A friend wasnt getting sleep and studying because of all this. And this was around final exams last year. The day before she "died" she messaged my friend (the exams girl) and stopped texting for the night. My friend was destroyed she had spent the whole night crying. And the bitch shows up to school on the last day. AND acts like nothing even happened.
My buddy, let's call him Cory, is a compulsive liar and always has been. Some lies include, but are not limited to:
1.) "When I was 14 I was travelling Europe with my family and my girlfriend, and she totally gave me road head while I drove on the autobahn"
2.) "My uncle owns a pirate ship and it's part of my inheritance when he dies. When he does, we're gonna sail it around the world."
3.) Told everyone he was taking bartending classes in Detroit. He wasn't. No idea why he told us this
Had a friend in college, really social guy, everyone loves him, you know the type. Let's call him James. His lies included:
Spent 3 years in the Navy, which is why he was starting college at 21 (???)
During his time there, he was so good at hacking, they made him head of IT
James was deployed in North Korea, Saudi Arabia, AND Japan.
He was honorable discharged for his protection, because he knew some top secret information.
His parents died in a horrible car crash but he ~~miraculously~ survived by crawling away from the fire. While he was a baby.
James used to run with gangs, cutting off people's heads.
He was homeless for 8 years, "living on the hard streets"
He's a double black belt, despite his tubby beer belly and jiggly arms.
He used these action hero lies to get into bed with several of my female friends. I ended up sharing a house with this guy and some mutuals. He refused to pay for the wifi, saying "Yeah, if you password protect it, I'll just use a spider crack with rainbow encryption to get in", explaining that he spent all his time in the Navy on 4chan "hacking" and doxxing people. "Haha, yeah not much else to do in a boat hundreds of miles below the surface for MONTHS at a time"
A bit later, a friend of mine is being deployed to work with nuclear reactors and shit for the Navy.
On a submarine.
I jokingly mentioned the story and his reaction was:
"???? There's no... internet access on subs. And certainly not for leisure use."
Couple years later, I dated a guy that went to his high school, who confirmed "Uh yeah, he went to boot camp and didn't make it, so they sent his ass home after 2 months. He flunked out of his classes all the time though, which is probably why he's starting college at 21.".
All the unbelievable stories I've ever been told from various people:
"I survived a tornado that went right over my back"
"I got shot in Gary Indiana"
"My uncle is a member of the E Street band. I know Bruce by first name."
"My cousin is a famous basketball coach"
"My brother in law is so famous in his business, he was on the cover of a magazine"
I knew a transgender guy in his early twenties who said that he was ex Special Forces and that he wanted to be a spy for the CIA but they told him that because he was so handsome he would be too easily recognizable. Last I saw him he had made a painfully amateur video of himself dancing to club music while waving a knife around. He said "Don't worry about the knife. It's just a prop." At the end of the video, he said, "If you are interested, join my dance crew. We improvise everything - we don't rehearse shit."
I had a boss that was definitely a pathological liar. But not in the "I own a pet monkey that plays chess" kinda way. My grandmother was in the hospital dying from cancer and I asked for time off to spend with her. About a month after my grandmas funeral my other boss (husband of liar liar pants on fire boss) called me into his office to fire me. His reason? Crazy pants boss told him that I made up my grandmas illness and death and she heard me bragging to a co-worker about how I lied to get time off. Interesting note-I worked open to close shifts alone, never saw co-workers. I told him his wife was fucking nuts and left.
[deleted] · 6 points · Posted at 18:40:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He told me his mom was a lesbian who was dying of cancer, in front of her, and she adamantly denied both. He still says both. She still denies both, well, she did end up getting cancer a number of years later, but long after this lie was told repeatedly to anyone who would listen. Sometimes I wonder if she blames her son for essentially jinxing her and giving her cancer.
That is amazing. What was your reaction while this was going on?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 09:11:53 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
She was an alcoholic, and he insisted that she was the one lying due to being drunk all the time. I witnessed evidence of that myself a number of times, so I didn't push it much. His mom is now sober and in remission, and engaged to a man, and obviously still denies both. So between that and knowing many of his other lies at this point, it really solidified the first (that I know of) of his lies to me.
This guy I met at a bar told me he was former special-forces and had been in numerous ''black ops'' out of nowhere when we were having a casual conversation about football. Asked for his MOS and he said he sniper which immediately set off the bullshit alarm bells in my head. Asked which Group he was with and he said he couldn't tell me because I was a civilian and didn't have a Top Secret Clearance.
I was an SOT-A at Fort Bragg at the time and held a TS clearance so the whole situation was pretty ironic. I laughed in his face and then proceeded to tear him a new asshole in front of everyone at the bar.
"Listen, I just met you, so I want to tell you about all these classified things I did as a super-badass, but I can't tell you because it's classified and you don't have the security clearance. Got it?"
In the 1980s I would run into people claiming to be Vietnam Vets all the time, with these kind of stories. The guys I knew who were real vets tended to be things like regular grunt infantry or diesel mechanics. I knew one guy who had been attached to artillery units and another who was in the Navy and would spend months at a time on board ship within site of the country and never set foot on land there. The stories most of them told most of the time was like my Dad and Uncles from WW II, the funny ones.
That's exactly my experience. I had a boy scouts leader who was deployed with a Blackhawk unit to Bosnia. We asked for war stories when he got back and he said all he did was fill out paperwork regarding helicopter maintenance the entire time. He never even rode in one while there. Another guy in my neighborhood was deployed in northern Iraq. He said they would go around the town to get info from certain people, but it was really friendly, being Kurdish, so he wouldn't even carry his rifle sometimes. He said he never had a gun pointed at him, let alone got shot at. The one guy I knew who may have shot at people and been shot at in Afghanistan only ever told me stories about goats and shitting himself. I only found out he had seen combat from someone else.
[deleted] · 10 points · Posted at 18:04:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Most of those guys dont want to relive it. My father was part of the Okinawa invasion and late in his life told me a few things he saw an was part of that bothered him. My Uncle late in his life told me he was with a unit that liberated one of the smaller death camps in the European theater but would not say more than that. I said something stupid along the lines of how that must have been terrible and he told me that I could not even imagine how bad and that was the end of that.
My absolute favorite types of stories. I'm the the army myself, and the amount of shit people think they can get away with is astounding. These guys are always the best. MOS - Infantry scout sniper.
Oh.. Too bad that NOT A FUCKING MOS YOU BAG OF DICKS.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:34:33 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Infantry scout sniper
WHY? WHY IS IT ALWAYS THIS!? I feel you brother, they always say that shit.
Should start offering to take them to the range, and watch them struggle to ring steel at anything over 200. I think it would amuse me significantly.
13B/11B(secondary), 1st ID, 2nd BCT (in DEU, as I understand is HQ'd at riley these days). scoutsniperlol
Why would the sniper thing tell you he was lying? Sorry, I'm a civilian and not really in the know of that kind of stuff, but I do find it interesting when anyone is willing to talk about it.
Soldiers almost never state their method of service to another soldier (and you can tell who's been in the service too well over 80% of the time; it's written all over most people) by just saying "sniper". MOS is presented as what is essentially code. For instance, if I recall, 11B3V is a Infantry SSG with a Ranger Tab. G is Ranger tab qualified, P is airborne, V would be a Airborne and Ranger qualified, etc. And all divisions of the military have them, as far as I know, so if you're a Ranger and this dude is pretending to be and doesn't know his own fucking MOS further than "I shot at things far away" in the equivalent civvie speak, you know he's being a Michael and lying his cock off.
Edit: source: father is a Ranger. He taught me MOS designations as a kid for fun.
I'm not a soldier either, but with many professions it would be blatantly obvious if someone was just pretending to work in that field.
Like, I don't know what you do, but I'd imagine if I came in and said I was in the same line of work as you and started telling you all about how it works, it'd be clear pretty fast that I had no idea what I was talking about.
Ghili · 3 points · Posted at 20:11:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not in the military, but i believe there is a specific name for "snipers".
If someone walked up to me and said they were an audio engineer, I could tell within 10 seconds whether they were lying or not.
Every soldier's job has a MOS attached to it. Sniper is not an MOS, it's a skill identifier (ASI). If someone asks you your MOS, you're likely to say oh I'm a 13B/Combat Medic/in Logistics. Asking someone their MOS and hearing "Sniper" or "Paratrooper" sets off bullshit alarms because that's not the question that was asked.
When I was at Bragg sleezeballs at bars near Fayettnam loved to say they were Paratroopers when asked their MOS... but you can be literally any job in the Army and a Paratrooper as long as you make it through jump school.
Source: Army brat from a dual military family with almost a decade as a 37F.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:58:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had this same conversation with a guy at a bar a couple years ago. (He was the sniper, just so we're clear.)
slunch · 1 points · Posted at 21:24:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Did everyone clap afterwards?
willun · 16 points · Posted at 13:14:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I attended a course on public speaking in Australia. The trainer told us that we have to have a goal in life. His goal is to run the Boston marathon. He told us at length how he had to train for it, it was not about speed but being able to run your laps at a consistent pace. On and on he went. We were impressed.
A year later, one of my work colleagues, who was also at the same course, came across the trainer at a party. He asked him how did he go at the Boston marathon. The trainer looked at him, as in, what the hell are you talking about.
that her father died (this was in high school. we saw him at a parent-teacher interview one week later)
that she had stage II leukaemia
that she was moving away forever, prompting me and the rest of her friend circle to throw a surprise party for her (only to find out that she never was)
that she was raped
that she was pregnant after being "raped"
These are some notable lies. I'm not even going to get into the day-to-day lies she comes up with
I think I know the same girl. I was just waiting for her to come up. I had friends who knew this girl too and her grandma has died something close to 50 times. The last time I got fed up with it and stopped talking to her.
If you don't want to hang out with me, that's fine make up some simple lie like you're busy, don't make plans with me and then tell me at the last minute that you can't go because your grandma died.
was going somewhere with friend and his gf. conversation came up about food, and that I just had a hot pocket or something like that. Then he says he just had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. His gf says, "no you didn't, why are you always lying?" They had just gotten mcdonalds. Then they got into it a bit.
He did always lie about dumb shit, nothing major though, so it didn't effect our friendship. But no clue why he'd lie about random stupid things so often.
yea but how is saying you had a pb&j making yourself look better? He typically lied about dumb shit, not stuff to make himself look good. He actually wasn't a braggart in any way.
-His parents died in the Cold War (Russian)
-Hes being hunted by Russian spies
-Hes shot a bear
-Hes an airplane mechanic and makes 80$ an hour
-Hes done shrooms
-I forget the original specs but he claims to have a super computer - like, one that could cost easily over 4 grand.
-For his friends birthday they rented a ski lodge, got drunk and went down the slopes in a "wheelless gokart" (a sled).
We were freshmen in highschool and knew his parents. The only true piece of information he told us was that he smoked weed, but everyone did so no one cared.
I got accused of this once at school in about 5th grade. One of our classes was about poetry, and I claimed that not only did I know Robert Frost, but that he was a relative, I'd spent time with him, and my father had a signed copy of one of his books.
I insisted it was true for days at school.
It turns out that I have a cousin named 'Robert Forest'. He'd self-published a book of (bad poetry) and had given my dad one. But it was too late. From then on anything I ever claimed to my classmates was automatically considered 'another lie'.
[deleted] · 8 points · Posted at 22:45:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I used to be a compulsive liar, before I hit a certain age, became conscious of it and cut it out.
One of the most absurd lies I told was in class to two girls. I told them I was friends with some lads who lived on my Nan's road and that they'd invited me to a party where they were playing 'Sex in the Middle' where you had to try to leap across the group of people having an orgy and if you fell short, you had to/got to join in. It was illustrated quite well, complete with alcohol, drugs and many a protruding boob.
Then the girl that always got detention overheard, explained that she knew the lads I was referring to and threatened to tell them I was telling lies about them.
Understandably, I back-pedalled fast... But it still took me until I was about 21, following a break-up with the love of my late teenage years/early twenties (due to deceit of my own in varying forms) to stem that bad habit.
Now, I struggle telling even a basic lie and have adopted a freeing form of total honesty, of which this comment is quite a meta example. Yay for self-growth!
Well he's got the first part of flying down. Throwing yourself at the ground. Now he just has to get the second, and much more difficult, part down. Missing the ground
This was posted in another thread before, wasn't it?
EDIT: OP you slimy dog.
AgentSpaceCowboy • 894d, 21h
I once jokingly told my little brother about the 'Carrot-age', you know the one before the Stone-age back when people made tools out of carrots. I had even shaped a carrot into a blade with my teeth to show him.
Turns out he believed every word of it and later got in a heated debate over it with a staff member at a viking reenactment village.
sitah · 17 points · Posted at 12:54:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My youngest brother once asked what a fire axe is for and my brother and I told him that it was for hitting fire. And that if you hit fire repeatedly with the axe, it will extinguish. Couple weeks after that he makes a comment about how he's glad he asked us what a fire axe was for because it was on his school exam while I was hanging out with my firefighter friend and then proceeded to tell my firefighter friend what it was for. And of course he spoke out and told him that was bullshit we made up to trick hi. I asked what the exam question was and he said it was to enumerate and explain things you could use in case of a fire and he put fire axe with that explanation but the teacher still marked it correct so he was still happy.
That's actually hilarious. Poor guy would've gotten laughed out the door insisting that proto-Vikings had helmets with dual carrots sticking out of them.
I was far older than I like to admit before I realized, in a similarly embarrassing situation, that my father was not actually in The Beatles before leaving the band to play for the Green Bay Packers.
[deleted] · -6 points · Posted at 12:32:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 13:24:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He's pretty close; he's the liar.
GBWI · 31 points · Posted at 11:36:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Guy told me that he knew for a fact the Pyramids were built for grain storage, not as tombs. And I should totally believe him, since he had once received a full scholarship to West Point.
[deleted] · 25 points · Posted at 13:23:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
But the term "full scholarship" is an inaccurate description, experts told us. The phrase typically refers to a college providing financial aid to allow a candidate to attend a college free of charge, but that doesn’t really apply to West Point’s across-the-board zero-tuition policy, said Antonio Buehler, a West Point alumnus who founded the admissions coaching service Abrome.
"No such scholarship is named, every cadet is treated the same and there is an eight-year military commitment after graduation. Hence, not free," Buehler said.
The proper terminology is "appointment," said Vu Tran, a graduate of the United States Air Force Academy who runs the Denver-based admissions consulting firm Service Academy Coach. But because that’s not apparent from the get-go, Tran says he can’t fault Carson for using the term loosely, albeit incorrectly.
I have a friend who has mouth-shitted the following lies...ehem:
He's had sex with a russian pornstar.
He's been in 2 threesomes with 2 girls by age 17.
He could've been a pro snowboarder but shattered his femur at age 14.
Said his dad was going to buy him a Ferrari when he left school (He's now 20 and still hasn't learned to drive)
Beaten up 3 guys at once in a club.
Got kicked out of his Karate class for being too dangerous.
He also likes to brag about how many drugs he can take. He said he popped 3 ecstasy, pills, a gram of coke and a tab of acid in one night. Surely a dose that would kill a buffalo...
Anyway we love hearing these stories from him, always make us laugh when he's not around.
Edit: He also went to live in Egypt to work as a photographer at a family resort. Came home 2 weeks later cause apparently he got caught dealing coke out there and had to get bailed out by his mum.
The drug mix would be survivable, depending on how strong the pills were.
[deleted] · 7 points · Posted at 12:55:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh god I'm so happy I have a coworker who just makes shit up non stop. He's mid 40s with kids etc
Told me he blinded a turkey with his high beams and killed it with a hockey stick from his trunk. Turkeys are incredibly fast and scared of anything, you'd never get close.
Told me he went to an NHL hockey team practice and the team chanted his name and gave him a stick because he yelled at the captain.
Constantly tells me about movies or video games he thinks I don't know anything about and explains plots or game mechanics that didn't happen or don't exist. That he also cracks any good video game that comes out.
Explains that he built his own 5 TB solid state drive for his computer among other ridiculous tech stuff.
The internet went down at work once and he told me he hacked into our "servers" and turned on the back up because the first one went down and that's why we have two.
That people who give him a hard time at work (Co workers, our boss etc) he tells them to fuck off and such on a regular basis if they are being ridiculous.
He was most likely lying about the turkey (beating it with a hockey stick? Really?) but there are some dumb ass turkeys out there. I nearly ran over one on a country road and had to stop to let it pass. He just stood there in the road for a minute looking confused. That was the first time I saw one up close because usually they do run like hell. I learned that day that wild turkeys are ugly as fuck.
That he's friends with the Rock (he calls the Rock DJ cause DJ just wants to be treated like a regular guy) and the Rock got him seats to WrestleMania this year. I want to say he also got to hang out with the Rock the night of WrestleMania, although I think the people who report on wrestling said he was only in town for a couple hours so he could make his appearance and then get back on set of whatever movie he was producing.
This is the same guy that's apparently partied with Tony Romo on weekends every once in a while.
I work with a woman named Allison who is about 5ft tall and heavy, she has 2 children 10 and 13 , you cannot believe anything she says . In the 3 years I've worked with her she has said
-she "literally" cannot function unless she runs 8 miles every day
- her mother has won employee of the year for the entire city of Las Vegas 4 years in a row (she is a cocktail server)
-she has two guitars signed by the Beatles
-she is a professional guitarist
-she was a professional archer
-she is a pool shark
-she is a great golfer
-she has been a seat filler for 15 awards shows and has produced and starred in her own movie
- she helped rebuild New Orleans after Katrina (even though she would have just given birth)
-she has personally delivered hearts for transplant via helicopter
-she is a part time math professor at the local community college (she can't calculate 20% without a calculator)
-Jennifer Lawrence used to babysit for her
-she will often bring to work breakfast that her boyfriend made for her ... In a Denny's Togo box
-she has season tickets to the Cubs and the White Sox (never goes to games)
-she has won the lottery (only a couple hundred thousand)
-she has a pilots license
-she was the first person to test drive a Tesla in the entire world
-her brother is best friends with DiCaprio
-a customer from her last place of employment bought her a car because of how good a job she did
-she has a lake house in Arizona (she never goes because she rents it )
Helen as I shall call her moved to our area at the start of secondary school, and it started innocently enough with
" I have a dog" a dog that didn't exist. A dog that after promising and failing to bring to the park numerous times went away to live with grandma having never been seen or heard.
" I lost my virginity with my 28 year old boyfriend while he was riding his motorbike"- apparently they had sex on a motorbike doing 70mph on the M1. ... she was 14 at the time.
It escalated. ..and all the lies were targeted at people who had experienced personal tragedy or hurt.
" my parents are divorcing" to me whose parents had divorced two years previously
" my sister is dying of cancer" to the girl who's brother had died of cancer a few years previously
" my dad isn't my real dad and my mum is really my aunt" to my adopted friend who has just found out and was very upset at the time.
It then got worse. People started to see through her bullshit when people didn't die, or you know.. they spoke to her sisters who went to our school who told us the truth.
She targeted one girl. Wrote a suicide note naming said girl as her bully and torturer. She " cut herself" (scratches with a biro lid) withdrew from everything then one day " vanished" leaving the suicide note on her bed and a diary full of shit that never happened naming a dozen girls at school but specifically this one person.
Load of shit. The girl she named was nearly suspended. A lot of us were in trouble and given detention. Fierce anti bullying talks went on. And through it all Helen sat with her shit eating grin having been found near the railway lines within about two hours of going "missing".
What's worse. The girl that was nearly suspended was self harming. Was genuinely suffering and struggling daily. Needless to say it didn't help her life.
So I knew a guy at university who told us, amongst 100 other things I couldn't remember:
Born in Canada - He was actually born in the UK
Grew up in America - Had never been there in his life
Lived in Greece - Again never been there
Got a friend from his home town pregnant - We actually met her at one of his birthday celebrations and she hadn't slept with him let alone had a child
Had an agent - He was quite into acting but he never seemed to get any acting parts
Was going to be on Peep Show - I guess his fake agent had fake gotten him a part
Was down to the last two to play Ron Weasley in the Harry Potter films but they liked the chemistry between Emma Watson and Rupert Grint more.
Had been held up at gun point while driving his Mini Cooper but instead of giving them the car he just floored it and drove away
Owned a Mini Cooper
Could drive - But he only had a provisional licence, which they take off you when you pass your test in the UK. He said they let him keep it so he had an ID to use when he was out drinking.
Brought his ex-gf a car and then smashed it up when she cheated on him because "there's no way he would ever get it back" - I assume he meant the car
He's a sperm donor and got paid less because he's ginger
Got into one of the most prestigious universities in the UK to turn it down to go to a terrible polytechnic before dropping out of that to go to our current university - We honestly never got to the bottom of this one. I think he did do a year at another university before coming to the one we met at but I honestly cannot be sure what actually happened
His parents own a mansion in the Lake District - Had a birthday party at his parents house in a town in the north of the UK, they had no idea what we were talking about when we asked about the mansion
Had a car in storage during first year but never wanted to drive it as we'd all be "asking him for lifts everywhere" - We lived on a campus university
His parents were going to buy a house for us to live in during our 2nd year for cheap rent - Caused us to rush to find a house to live in when he said they couldn't do it because a lot of the houses in the town had gone as he kept the lie up for so long
His dad was a marketing director (or some such job) at Apple and had invented the silhouette campaign for the Ipod
Being offered £10,000 for doing the Tesco Value Challenge - Some challenge where you live on only Tesco value food and then blog about it
Going to be the voice of Stitch at Disneyland Paris as a summer job but then missed the train because his french wasn't good enough to read the signs - Yeah, I dunno either..
Had sex in the walk-in freezer of a subway whilst he worked there
Had sex in the changing rooms at a supermarket
Had sex in a tree
Being the voice of Radio Cumbria - He did have quite a good 'announcer voice' but he "lost the recordings" so couldn't show us
Being offered a show on BBC Radio York - Based off of his university radio show that never materialized
Being an extra in the film 'Shaun of the Dead' - He actually showed us a picture of a person in the background of a shot in the film with ginger hair but you couldn't see anything about them. Could've been true I suppose...
Getting a VW campervan for a road-trip round Europe - Not sure what happened to that..
Agreed to pick a mutual friend up at a train station on his way to our university only to leave our friend stranded in a random town after he'd "fainted at his Nan's funeral and woke up in hospital"
Putting pubes in an old housemates butter before he left
Sleeping with a girl during the first week and her telling him "not to be a playa" - I ended up staying in touch with the girl for most of our university life, definitely didn't happen
Going to get a summer job working on Catamaran - Taking people around the Greek isles he knew oh so well
Saying our 2nd year landlord would let us rent the house in 3rd year for significantly reduced rent if we signed on that day - Again a lie, I think he just wanted to keep his room so wanted us to re-sign our housing contract in a really expensive house
Was doing a year in industry in his 3rd year as Assistant Manager of International Advertising at a company - He'd actually failed his degree and was working in a call centre to pay off the housing contract he had
Told us his first name was Zach and he thought it was weird none of us had noticed when we saw his driving licence. Turned out to be a 'joke' that we all didn't understand - I guess that last bit was true
That Apple had been brought by Microsoft but it was all some big conspiracy for something or other..
Had to discipline an employee on his first day of his internship for having drugs at work. But it's cool cos that person became his drug dealer
He had to attend sexual awareness training after an inappropriate exchange with a coworker but managed to get out of it after he sold the guy taking the training drugs
He's got a few videos on the web for some of the presenting work he's done since he left university so it seems like he's doing alright.
I had a mean, racist and unattractive coworker who insisted that all of the prettier coworkers were mean, all of the nice coworkers were ugly, and I (since I called her on her racism) was racist.
She said that her cousin knew the jonas brothers, and that she went to one of their houses and saw miley through the window. Then Nick or Joe or Sparky Jonas (idk their names) took her to his room and he had hand prints on the walls of all the girls that he thought were beautiful, and he asked her to put her handprint on the wall.
While it wasn't obviously fake, I'll give this one a go.
We have this customer who we call "The Professor." He always calls ahead and tries to barter a deal on his order, and always refers to himself as The Professor when he orders. We always just give him the deal everyone gets for buying in bulk, but the man thinks he's being hooked up. He obviously wants to be respected or treated well, whatever.
The last visit, he wanted to stick around and sample some items after he picked up and paid which was fine. Did my normal sales spiels, kissed his ass (figuratively), and just treated him well, after all he is "The Professor. "
Maybe 5 minutes go by, and he leans out the large storefront window and looks just down the street and goes "Ha. They're checking out my Maserati. Must not see to many around here." I just smiled and bit my tongue, because in this area I had seen plenty of luxury cars.
He heads out, and me, I'm the curious type. I give him a minute and look out the window as he's walking down the street, I kinda wanna see this Maserati. As he gets to the corner, I see him hop in no other than a...
I'm kind of sad this is going to get buried, but here's the story anyway.
I went to high school with a dude named Garrett that was a compulsive liar. He had quite a few ridiculous and fake stories. Many of my favorites stem from a central story that he was a karate master at a secret underground dojo and he frequently flew out to Tokyo for underground karate tournaments. During one such tournament he won one bout but broke his arm in the process. Because of this, he was forced to forfeit to his rival from another dojo. After numerous insults, Garrett's master decided to step in to defend his honor which resulted in his tragic death. As his master was dying in his arms, a magical bird flew from the ceiling to heal his broken arm. He went on to defeat his rival.
My friend had no dad growing up, so he invented this cool, older brother type dude called Dominic. We always seemed to just miss him... "You guys are too slow, he just left... see the black car over there? That's him.". He learned skateboarding, video games, hockey, pretty much everything from this dude nobody ever saw.
We realized it at one point and I had an argument about it but even younger I knew to just let it go. He doesn't talk about it any more and we don't bring it up. RIP Dominic, you glorious bastard, thanks for raising my friend into a good person.
"Did you know that smoking can actually strengthens your lungs where activities like running alongside a busy road increases your exposure to carbon monoxide and is much worse for your health?!"... former house mate who was also a professional ballerina and was also approached on the train while listening to her iPod as she could be a professional singer.
Listen to my story, because Im still dealing with this to this day.
My sister states that she is mentally ill and cannot control her anger, and will have complete meltdowns where she threatens to kill herself, will throw things through the house, and hurt people around her, all in full view of her kids. It is impossible to calm her down. When she does come down on her own, she promises to get help, either with medication, or with therapy, or with institutionalizition because she thinks its unhealthy for the kids. The next day she goes back on those promises, tries to sweet talk her way out of getting help, says she's doing much better. The whole time her husband supports her financially, I am a live-in nanny for her. I cook, clean, do the laundry, feed the girls, and entertain them, while she sits and smokes and watches television all day. She states that she is an independant woman and we are holding her back, because (I think) she has painted it in her head in a twisted way that she is. Two days ago she had a complete meltdown and threatened to kill herself (she actually almost did kill herself back in Feb and spent the entire fucking month on life support). We had enough. We gave her an ultimatum: Stay with my sister for a couple months in Ohio or face being institutionalized against her will, so she went. Last night she calls and screams at us for two hours, saying we're trying to kidnap her children, that we dont care about her, that if I dont wake the girls up at 11pm and put them on the phone she'll call the police and tell them we do drugs, the house is unfit, Ive molested them (Im 24 and gay btw), etc. At this point, I dont know what to do. Shes painted this picture in her head of how the world is, andanipulates people around her to her advantage because she has a "condition". I love my sisterx but I cant enable her anymore and I will not be hurt by her. For context, Ive lost two jobs already because of her, am without a car, and my hair is turning grey.
You're a great person, you really are. These things she's saying is out of desperation, ignore them even if they hurt and stay firm. If she still doesn't change then you might want to let it go and just keep on with yourself.
My boyfriend's brother tried to get into the marines after dropping out of school and getting his GED. He failed his drug test and had to move in with their sister. He told all his friends he was leaving for Afghanistan while he was really loafing on her couch a state over. He posted a long goodbye on Facebook and everyone wished him luck. After six months of battlefield 3 and Doritos he returned to visit with photoshopped pictures and stories of fallen comrades. He claimed to have killed people and even wept in front of his friends over it. My boyfriends family found out and told everyone the truth. He blocked contact with almost everyone and just bounces from couch to couch now. He has serious emotional issues and a severe lying problem.
Also my boyfriend and I have a compulsive lying coworker, Jon. About six months ago we took Jon out to dinner because his wife left "to visit family in Ohio" for three months. She also took their 3 year old daughter with her. My boyfriend asked Jon why his wife would leave with their daughter for such a long time. "She says we need space", was Jon's reply. We found out recently through other coworkers that she had actually left because their daughter woke Jon up and he threw her across the room, dislocating her arm. This is the worst of the many lies he tells at work.
His band were opening for Less Than Jake on their European tour, but not the UK dates so we couldn't go and see him
When he joined the RAF (around the time of the Iraq War), he was late arriving at the base for his training and all the planes had gone to Iraq bar one: a harrier jump jet. So they let him do all his flight training on that.
When he returned from the army, he had a full (long, he was a hipster/rocker) styled head of hair within about a fortnight. He said the RAF let him have that.
Fun story on the last one: a local tattoo artist got wind of the fact it was a wig, and had a bounty, where if you brought it to him, he'd tattoo you for me.
moomsy · 7 points · Posted at 12:49:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There's a guy I went to law school with who really thought we were bestest friends. He called the two of us "bosom buddies" more than once, and I decided not to look into what that might mean. To this day, he lies constantly about things that he shouldn't really need to lie about. It's fascinating.
I'd just started dating a girl a year behind us in school, and he told her that I had drunk dialed him at three in the morning the night before. She didn't want me getting drunk, at least not without her knowing about it, so it caused some tension between the two of us.
It's funny, because a) I've never had a single drink in my life, and b) I've never had this guy's number. The story was completely off-base, but the girl was open to believing it because we were just getting to know each other.
We are both straight men. I have no idea why he thought it would be cool to tell people I drunk dialed him.
I met a older guy (late fifties-ish) in a slightly dingy hostel in Hong Kong who claimed to be working in mainland China as a "freelance private diplomat" who solved "exotic problems for high ranking people, strictly off the books". He said he had inside knowledge of all sorts of nonsense about the inner workings of the Chinese government, which he clearly didn't. He also told me that he had been close friends with the members of the Grateful Dead, and was actually the guy who told them that they should be in a band. He said he'd been their informal manager when they first formed and that they actually owed him millions in royalties, but that he'd never tried to get any money from them cos "being the guy who gave the gift of the Grateful Dead to the world was enough of a reward".
He gave me his business card and out of mild curiosity I did some googling the next day (I don't know anything about the Grateful Dead, other than they're big in america and they have a Ben and Gerry's flavour named after them). To my surprise I found a really old webpage that told the story of the founding of the band, and appeared to confirm a lot of what he'd told me. About 10 seconds later I felt like an idiot cos the guy I talked to was clearly the same person who'd written the webpage.
Nice guy, though. You can meet some interesting people in hostels.
So, my brother is a compulsive, pathological liar. Unfortunately he is extremely smart, but not very socially smart. In high school he would tell stories about how he rode his bike from Detroit to Ann Arbor, then his lie would evolve to the point where he would tell people that he rode his bike along the coast of Michigan. Well, growing up I was told not to be a tattle tale, so I would just tell people he was exaggerating but not tell anyone who would punish him because, well, what was the point? If he damaged his reputation that wasn't on me. Anyways, fast forward a few years, I don't talk to him much because he is just one giant bad exaggeration, and he is telling my parents that he has taken up day trading on the side to make some money. Hey, good for him! He took $1000 from working a summer at McDonalds (He was 22-24 at this time, no debts, living at home, no school, etc.) and invested that. He was showing documents and investment history, percentage increases, making it look as legit as possible. I lived 300 miles away and had the mentality of "Alright, I doubt he is actually doing this but whatever. Maybe he's doing shit on the dark internet or something- what is me saying he is lying going to do." I should have taken more responsibility than I did, but that's not the point. Around November 2013 my brother, this story is coming second hand to me, goes and talks to my parents in complete tears that someone hacked into his bank account and took everything he had, and he needed some more capital to get back into day trading. They gave him a few thousand dollars (money they probably took out of emergency savings, their 401(k) or something) and he went on his marry way, "Day trading." My mother passes away extremely suddenly two months later, even more tragically we had just cancelled her second life insurance policy, so instead of getting 100k, we got 50k. My father being completely distraught asks my brother to see if he can double that in the market, and gives him about 38k- after paying for the funeral, last minute expenses, everything. That summer we found out that not only had my brother been faking all documents that "proved" he was day trading, over the course of the last two years, but he had been forging my father signatures and wiping clean his investment and retirement accounts- over $200k. I even had about $5k stashed at my parents house in case of a MASSIVE emergency and that was gone, too.My father hadn't been checking his accounts too closely due not only to grief, but my mother had been disabled and sick, her health, unknown to us, rapidly declining over the past two years. Upon further investigation he stole from stores to resell items, stole Christmas gifts that could easily be "lost," lied to our entire family, and was surprised when he got kicked out. We still don't know how he spent all of that money.
So my former, I want to really emphasize former, friend said that:
He's a captain in the Canadian military and does his training on Thursday's and Weekends
He's part of psyops and intelligence work
He's part of CSIS (Canadian Intelligence Agency)
He's had sex every week of his life since he was like 14
He hit a person on a sidewalk and drove off without stopping
He stomped on a guys head till he stopped moving
In the eighth grade he said a guy pulled a knife on him in the halls and he disarmed, then stabbed him
He beat the shit out of 4 karate black belts at once
He has a 4.5 GPA
He was our High School's valedictorian (he told this to my parents, who attended the ceremony, he wasn't)
He said he's a vampire and live feeds off his girlfriends
He's addicted to blood and needs it to make up for an iron deficiency
He fought in a fight club with over 200 people in our tiny ass town and won it (I think that's literally the plot to a movie)
His dad was hitting him and told one of my friends parents who actually lived in an abusive household
He's fucking nuts though. When one of my buddies was having a party he got absolutely obliterated and tried to steal his neighbours truck. I know because he grabbed my arm and said we were going for a walk. He'd also lie about tiny, insignificant stuff like he's in the top global 1000 for Halo or that he was getting a plasma screen tv back when those were super cool.
A closeted kid in my high school claimed to have had sex with his girlfriend so intensely (the night before) that he ripped her walls and she had to go to the hospital. Made a point to mention there being a lot of blood. He said this with a stoned "you know what I'm talking about" look on his face. IDK, if I ripped my gf's walls, I would be more concerned then he seemed to be
i once knew a kid at a summer camp who had some psychological issues of some kind. He told the most absurd stories to everyone, even adults who he knew would never believe them.
(He told these stories over the course of a few years between the ages of 10-13, he was a chubby short kid from somewhere in Massachusetts.)
Gabe liked free running on the rooftops of skyscrapers in Manhattan for fun.
One day his 19 year old girlfriend with huge tits was shot with an AK by one of his many foes that were jealous of him. He disarmed the hoodlum and killed him as he begged for mercy. he had to carry her across the city free running like batman to a hospital and saved her life.
He lost his virginity at age 9
He had taken part in a bank robbery that was disturbingly similar to the one that takes place halfway through the plot of GTA IV.
He didnt like being at camp mostly because he couldnt have his favorite drink- Scotch
On another occasion he was shot by another jealous Gabe-wannabe, removed the bullet himself, and killed the assailant.
He was experienced with drugs such as Coke
he estimated that he had slept with around 26 women during his age 9-12 sex life.
Once i talked to him alone about his lying and shit, because everyone disliked him for it (myself included) i did my best to be nice about it and see if at the very least he would admit that some werent true. He insisted that his stories were all true.
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 21:35:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I got a doozy of a "friend",
Calls me in middle school and wants me to meet him at the library for a D&D game some other kids are putting on. I go to the library and wait forever but see no one. I finally call him from a pay phone and he says he's on his way. I wait another 30 minutes and finally decide to walk to his house. His mom tells me he went to the baseball card shop because they were having a sale.
In middle school he claimed that he worked under the table for a guy during the summer tearing apart an old building. Said it turned out the building was full of asbestos and the guy was paying kids to remove it and now he was part of a lawsuit that would net him over $100,000 and he'll remember his friends when he gets all his money.
After high school he tells me he has a job at a factory paying $9/hour and I should come out and work with him. I quit my very easy $7.30/hour job and get a job at this horrible factory. Find out at the end of my interview that the job only pays $7/hour.
Says he's being scouted by the NFL. They spotted him playing on some local nobody team. I suppose it's pretty standard for the NFL to contract with an overweight 30 year old who wasn't good enough to play in college.
Says he's in a band that is going to be the opening act for Ozzy Osbourne... with a straight face and perpetuated this lie for quite some time with a feeble excuse about scheduling when it inevitably never happened.
Tells everyone that the place he's working at is going to get it's own reality TV show that will be featured on Discovery or whatever network airs all those shows. He went into great depth for this one. He talked about how little money he would make the 1st year but if they got a second season he could be earning $30,000 per episode. He had times and dates even picked out that the show would air. I told him I was having a hard time finding it on any schedule but would love to watch it when it finally airs. It must be airing any day now because this was about 4 years ago.
Says the girls he's dating has two Masters degrees. I ask why she doesn't have a job and is homeless. He replies that he's SEEN the degrees and she just doesn't feel like working right now. Also, she's super wealthy but can't get to her money right now because her lawyer is overseas on business. Let's hope her lawyer makes it back, since she can't access any of her wealth without the guy.
Here's a more recent one, get ready for this... FAKES CANCER. Yes, he's been faking cancer for about 2 years now.
The most recent, he's in another lawsuit. This time it's because the doctors for 2 years straight misdiagnosed him with cancer and he's now suing them. Reminded me I better stay his friend because he's going to be rich soon. I suppose he already forgot that he pulled this one back in middle school.
A guy that would always meet clients at my bar (probably to sell some shitty pyramid scheme) and would always ask for a sample of the beers over and over always had some bullshit story. My favorite and most infuriating was one Memorial Day when some buddies and I were toasting lost brothers. He comes over and asks if he could make one. Of course! pour him a round of some damn fine tequila and he raises his glass with us. Told us he served and said he was special forces, then proceeded to give the "lost a lot of good men, saw some shit, don't want to talk about it." Couldn't even answer what branch he was with or when he was in. Loved it even more because directly to my right was my favorite green beret who has seen action in all the worlds armpits. In the calmest and most reasonable tone he tore this asshole down to where it took him 6 months to sheepishly show his face in there again....
Oh yeah and also you guys know Veronica Vaughan? That fine piece of ace... Me and her Got.It.On.
I once worked with a guy at a bar. The restaurant was crazy packed and our manager was doing her best to keep everything under control. A lady and her kids came in asking for a table and he told them there'd be one for them in 10 mins.
30 minutes later she's not happy and would like to talk to the manager. I'm clearing up right next to him when I hear him say "I'm the manager." She complains to him and he just turns and walks away, dismissing her in a needlessly rude way. She stands there looking shocked then starts shouting after him. He came back and they get into a heated argument. The actual manager stops on her way past and asks what the problem is. The woman tells her that the "manager" is being rude etc. The other guy says "this bitch is fucking crazy" and storms off.
It was so weird to witness a guy create a dumb situation and then just deny it shamelessly. Why didn't I do anything to help the situation? Because 1. I never thought it would end up where it did, 2. I love watching drama unfold and 3. Ugh I hated my job
This guy that constantly makes up stories told me he moved his buddy's 2016 Trans-am with a forklift in downtown Chicago because it was in front of a fire hydrant.
First, there is no 2016 Trans-am, Pontiac has been out of business for years. Also, who's forklift? Why what there a forklift on the streets of Chicago? You don't know how to operate a forklift, even if you did, who would let you move their car with it? Why didn't he just drive the car?
quaid4 · 1 points · Posted at 13:54:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Forklifts are easy to drive and figure out, also I think the idea of his story was along the lines of "my idiot buddy parked in front of a fire hydrant so I (moved it with a forklift to help him out/moved it with a forklift, that'll show him eh?
I think he was meaning to help out. And knowing this guy like I do, I don't think he'd figure out the forklift no matter how easy it was. And now that I've been thinking about it, that would definitely damage the car. Also, how badass would a 2016 Trans-am be?
quaid4 · 1 points · Posted at 19:20:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I mean, how bad ass would any Pontiac be if they were still around?
One of the guys I used to work with was a pretty bad "Walt". In America it's called "Stolen Valor". He had served in the Army but his stories were always dialed up to 11: serving in elite units, being present at major battles, engaging in heroic actions, and lots of "I can't really speak about but..." bragging. To be honest I didn't know about military stuff to really call him out and it always smelled like bullshit, but a couple of people did finally call him out after he told a story about getting a classified medal (which he had to claim, because he'd listed his actual service record in his employment history) for pulling someone out of a helicopter crash. Subsequently another friend, who was in the military himself, was able to explain a lot of why what he was saying made absolutely no sense.
And this was a guy who had really served in the Army, and had really gone to Afghanistan. I know many "Walts" make up fake stories because they never served but I never understood why someone with a legitimate record of service needed to try to embellish so much.
I never understood why someone with a legitimate record of service needed to try to embellish so much.
That's the thing that fascinates me the most about Chris Kyle, the guy American Sniper is about. Why does a man who has killed around 150 or so people while fighting for his country still need to make up bullshit stories about sniping looters from the roof of the superdome in Katrina? Or shooting dead two carjackers at a gas station in Texas? Or beating up Jesse Ventura?
Why would someone who'd clearly done so much in terms of "being a badass" or whatever still feel the need to make shit up to look even more badass?
quaid4 · 1 points · Posted at 13:58:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What are the sources for his "kill count" because american soldiers don't have 'confirmed kills'?
Fair question, cos it seems the estimates for his count are varied, to say the least.
But unless you believe in some mad conspiracy where he never actually killed anyone at all, and the government just went along with it for some reason, then I don't think the exact number matters, but it's probably fair to assume it's quite high (whatever that means, it's not like there's a number that it should be). So whatever the actual number is, it's still odd that a soldier who does "badass" stuff abroad wants to lie about doing "badass" shit back home?
sorry for overuse of "badass", couldn't think of a better synonym.
sonsue · 1 points · Posted at 12:41:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Not personally to me, but I know someone who is pretty ridiculous. He does hard drugs, drinks a lot, and refuses to do anything. Basically family keeps him afloat, as far as money goes.
Here are some of the lies I've heard: He's worked for NASA, knows about 'x,y,z' because he had secret clearance in the Army (he was dishonorably discharged iirc), he was a pro skater at one point, he's an amazing hacker and has hacked all these sites, etc.
The list goes on and on. He's also woken his cousin up with a loaded gun in his face and laughed about it, held a knife to my mother-in-law's throat, and we're pretty sure that he's likely killed someone before. There's a massive amount of things that are terrible about this guy, but somehow, he thinks the world owes him everything.
The most recent one I can think of is that his boss at his new part-time job at a fast food place gave him 2 weeks off work, when he asked for it, after only working there a month. Not only is that ridiculous, but he also said that he worked the night before...but he said he's been off for two weeks.
Yeah, you know, I am sorry you feel that way but I stand by what I said. I call few people a bitch. She uniquely represents that in my opinion which, like you, I am entitled to.
You can call 'em how you see 'em; and I'm calling em how I see 'em. Bitch is a sexist word rooted in a misogynistic history. It's fine if you don't feel that way, but I'm just gonna point it out as often as I can b/c I think it's pretty absurd that people who are intelligent enough to weigh in on politics resort to sexist language to do it. She has no lack of short-fallings and there are loads of valid criticisms and insults that can be used without putting down an entire gender or at least without furthering the negative connotation of certain traits of an entire gender.
Good for you, seriously. Fight for what you believe in.
I personally find PC to be one of the most detestable things about the Internet. No one here, gets to dictate what anyone says. That's the beauty. And while I don't like even a small fraction of what people say on here, I would go to great lengths to protect their ability to say it.
While true, this is Reddit. Fighting passive sexism on Reddit is like trying to plug a dam with one ply toilet paper and all it'll do is net downvotes and angry people who want to call you an SJW. I got called that a few days ago for trying to explain that shoving a coat hangar up your heavily sleeping childhood friend's asshole is actually legally rape with a foreign object by definition, though not necessarily by context of the situation (they were like 8 and didn't understand sex in the least). I wasn't even disagreeing with anyone, just pointing out semantics like I am here. I'm still kind of baffled at that one. You just kinda got lucky this is buried, I'll bet.
Edit: ftr on my own opinion, I would have called her a bitch too, because she was being a bitchy shrew. "bitch" the word has sexist roots, but "bitch" the state of being is genderless.
Edit: clarification. Also one downvote already? Someone is insulted in some way! Yay! /S
Just want to add on - what about her behavior made her a "bitchy shrew"? You give no specifics so I'm forced to call up stereotypes about that.
So for shrew we have: a bad-tempered or aggressively assertive woman.
This definition is saying that being "aggressively assertive" and being bad tempered are the same. Which is weird, b/c how else does one become president without being aggressively assertive? So using the word shrew makes me think that YOU think it's a bad thing for women to be assertive. Which is sexist. If you don't like something specific about her behavior, point out what it is.
I was intending to sort of mitigate the situation by explaining that while "bitch" is arguably sexist it's warranted and trying to helpfully warn someone that some people take offense to that sort of thing, since the experience that I had recently felt so contextually unwarranted and I was completely off guard when it happened. I didn't intend to agree or disagree with anyone in particular, which makes the downvote seem petty and kind of worth noting the absurdity.
Yikes. You think that "bitch" is "arguably sexist language" but not in this instance b/c she's being "a bitchy shrew." Do you not see the sexist tones there?
I know calling out passive aggressive sexism on Reddit is a futile exercise, but I'm doing it anyway. I think people who are smart enough to have an opinion on politicians are probably smart enough to come up with criticisms that are more substantive than "bitchy shrew" which, btw, is just a super duper sexist thing to say that calls to mind certain stereotypically female traits that are just assumed to be negative without any context or content of true criticism against Clinton in particular.
Wait, we were talking about Clinton? I was purely talking semantics vs public behavior vs morals. Way to make a mountain out of a molehill and assume a bunch of things about who it is you are speaking to. Teach me to try to play devil's advocate on the fucking internet. Goodness. Thank you for telling me things I already know though; it's dialogue, even if it isn't very constructive in some senses.
Way to make a mountain out of a molehill and assume a bunch of things about who it is you are speaking to
So, did you not read the comment I was responding to and jump in and say "she" (in that case, Hillary Clinton) was "being a bitchy shrew"? Did I get that wrong somehow? Because the thread of the conversation I was following was that someone called Hillary Clinton an evil bitch. I pointed out "evil bitch" is sexist language. Use better language if you're going to criticize someone.
You popped in and told me not to argue against the "arguably sexist language" b/c I'll get downvoted, and then said you would have called her a "bitch" because she was acting like a "bitchy shrew" as if that is somehow objective and therefore not sexist. I pointed out that was absurd.
But yeah, I guess I was "telling you things you already know" and "assuming" things.
I was scrolling to hit another comment I was at previously and thought I'd chime in because people had been absolutely ridiculous recently. So, no, not really. "she" was hypothetical, in that I've known people who, yes, I would call a bitchy person when "Herculean Salty Whiner to whom Everything Is Wrong at the Fault of Everyone Else and Has To Let You Know, Forever" is just a tad too long and I really dont want to use a four page text to describe how "she" is being a raging pain in my ass in such a specific manner and instead opt for the colloquial "bitch" in a situation where the people I am talking to are able to dissociate from certain aspects of reality and instead appreciate the goddamn pejorative in absentia of any social contexts whatsoever. This person is clearly not you and I am probably everything wrong with society today;there is literally no argument you could surprise me with. Save your energy and don't bother arguing with people who never intended to argue with you in the first damn place.
Okay, so: you jumped into a conversation, didn't bother to read the context, said something really asinine in the context of the conversion you dove into, I responded to point that out, you tell me I'm assuming shit you never said, I point out that you actually kinda did by accident if you didn't read the previous comments, and I'm a bitch? Gotcha.
Woah what the fuck? When did I call you a bitch? Show me where, because I didn't speak about you directly in any sort of foul sense.
What. The. Fuck.
This person is clearly not you
Is LITERALLY ALL I SAID ABOUT YOU. IN THE SENSE THAT YOU ARE NOT SOMEONE I CAN BE COLLOQUIAL WITH. Do I have to bold the fact that "bitch" is nowhere in there?
Calm down honey. Damn.
Edit: didn't come here to argue with your ass, and now you're just being rude and putting words in my mouth. I shouldn't be dignifying you with responses. Hindsight...
My apologies, I misread what you wrote in the "this person isn't you" part and thought you were calling me a bitch, so my bad that part was wrong. But you sorta did stumble into a conversation and pick a fight.
My whole point was that it was never intended to be a fight. I was warning you that people here take offense to being called on shit and get really fucking nasty (and kinda fucked me for a few hours because MRAs give me the anger), and then I unfortunately expressed my own personal guilt that even though it's fucking sexist, I still don't have a satisfying replacement and as thus only try to use it in situations where I KNOW "bitch" wont be interpreted as "you are behaving as an angry woman" and rather "you're being a real fucking pain in my ass in this specific way that I'm not attaching gender to because gendering behavior is fucking stupid now that we know better" that we know via this one word because colloquialism. I didn't say you were wrong, or even that I was right to use the pejorative in any sense (because it is en masse regarded as sexist and my usage of terms doesn't come with a handy "why I use this word in this way")
Omg! I think you and I know the same person! Did she say that she was once homeless after her husband left his job even though they had dropped 800,000 on a house?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:00:11 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
She also said once that she'd "look into" release her speech transcripts! She's a real character, that one :)
I worked with this guy 15 years ago who claimed to be the guy hanging from the last chopper to leave the Vietnamese U.S. Embassy.
He also claimed to have used a Chinook to lift an M1A1 Abrams Tank off of the moving train that was transporting it.
I think he also claimed to get a blowjob from the girl who taught Linda Lovelace everything she knew.
Guy was such a nutjob. He had a Colt Python (Rick Grimes gun from TWD) he kept in his trunk. He said he was going to get it and come back when they laid him off (along with many others) and the cops had to be called.
This kid,who we shall call Steve, was and still is a great friend of mine. He was constantly trying to impress me. Keep in mind he got his shit together,but he...
Claimed he survived a shot from a rocket launcher by "digging really fast."
Made an alternate account on roblox named "cutemaia27" and claimed it was his girlfriend.
Claimed he got an A in school for his science project by showing the principal Minecraft...and said he would've gotten an A+ if he put it in peaceful mode...
He arrived at the door carrying a medieval sword, and claimed he found it on the street. Later his grandfather called and asked about a missing sword...I must also add he wanted to hide it under my bed.
Claimed he went to a school for "tough" kids but I googled the school....it was a place for slow kids.
Said he had the presidents personal phone number from a prank call...
And last but certainly not least, he claimed he knew SkyDoesMinecraft.
She once told everyone in our grade that she was in a secret underground Chinese softball league and that her team had won but had to keep it quiet to avoid being assassinated by the Chinese government.
I dated this guy who told me he killed six people in different parts of the country. He was drunk and crying about it - not from remorse, but because he was afraid he fucked himself up by committing serious crimes that young. I'd have been freaked out if I believed even a word of it. The life story he gave me was pretty much the exact plot of Dexter. I felt really sorry for him; somebody fucked that kid up, but good.
Edit: I just remembered some more. He read every book in the library when he was in 3rd grade, so he didn't need to read, as he had already "read everything." He knew how to beat a lie detector test because the trick was to order other people to perform hits (other than the ones he personally performed). He was a drug kingpin who "ran" the city we lived in, yet he couldn't tell the difference between a Xanax bar and Norco.
He once saved a baby falling from a building. His dad used to be a cop and shot a toddler coming at him with a knife. His dad taught him how to get away with any crime (his dad worked at Walmart). He used to be a pimp in Chicago. Prostitutes just started asking him to hold their money; he never sought it out. He said he tried to commit suicide after the love of his life cheated on him, but his brother saved him by cutting himself and feeding him his own blood. If true that's disgusting and betrays a woeful ignorance of biology. He did have cutting scars, but not so deep as to be deadly and in the wrong spot to bleed out. His "crew" was going to kill his ex-girlfriend but he called them off at the last minute.
Actually, the only thing he ever told me that I could confirm as truth was that he was into fire-spinning because there is YouTube evidence and a news article with his name in it. He fancied himself quite the player, but he was so bad at it, it was actually kind of cute. I'm sure there's more but I haven't seen this guy in four years. It was the tearful murder confession that immediately sprang to mind. Also, he was one of those "I forgot my wallet, can you get that? I'll pay you back" jerks.
I had a friend who always wanted to impress me. It annoyed me but he didn't have many other friends so I let him tell me his stories of how he rescued a kid from a burning building, could bench press 300 pounds (we were six), and had a super sense of smell and could tell what I had for dinner (he got it right once!) etc. But one day his mom leaves to go shopping and his dad left for work. We were nine at the time so it didn't seem like that big of a deal to be left home alone but he started to get all jumpy and weird afraid that someone was breaking in. I knew he was just lying but he insisted that we go to his "panic room" where he can protect us. I follow him downstairs assuming that he's gonna forget all about this when we get down there and we'll play Legos or something but when we get down there I shit you not he removes a big movie poster from his wall and boom! Secret room!! We crawl into it and he tells me he's going to go get his gun to fight the robber. I was stupid and assumed since he really did have a panic room he must really have a gun! So I see him pull down a locked case hidden in the ceiling and unlock it to find a gun. A nine year old with a gun. He then runs upstairs I hear shots and then five minutes later he comes down and says he killed the robber and took care of the body. I was so scarred I sprinted a mile home and told my parents who then called his parents. I found out that he did not have a real gun it was a Bebe gun and stupid me didn't know what a real gunshot sounded like so while he fired a few bebes out his back door and made himself a sandwich I was cowering in a secret room he had.
Also one time he tried to convince me that he was an alien sent to protect the whole human so that was fun.
Had one of these at the restaurant that used to work out, Amy we will call her for this. A few claims included:
mom abandoned her when she was like 5 and she was an orphan down in Texas somewhere
mom physically abused her when she was a teenager (contradicting previous claim)
fell off of an ATV and hit her head resulting in permanent brain damage when she was like 12 or 13
used to fly helicopters in the military (with brain damage???)
was a bartender from age 18-20 in Texas somewhere
claimed she had skin cancer and would use that as an excuse to not come to work sometimes
her dad was a CEO of a very large bank (but she had to work at a family chain restaurant in Indiana???)
I'm really trying to remember more, but I haven't seen her in over a year or so. She had crazy in her eyes, although I did feel bad for her sometimes because I imagine something is going on in her life that made her say all of this stuff.
A guy from high school said he bought a Dolphin (the project name of the GameCube before it was officially called GameCube) off eBay during the Summer. He said it came with a game where you jumped and fought on top of tables or something like that. He said it sucked so he sent it back to the guy. He also said that he flew across the country in a single engine plane to watch the Super Bowl live, flew back, landed, and was in his bed by midnight, which is why he was able to be at school (he told this lie the Monday after the game). I hated this guy, because every time you called him out on his bullshit, he would give a blank stare like you were stupid for not believing him. This guy is an engineer at a nuclear power plant now is the frightening thing.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 16:19:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Reminds me of a guy who always claimed to have broke into a zoo while drunk and stole a penguin. He said he woke up the next day to find the penguin in his bedroom.
i'm more interested in the guy who got drunk overnight and couldn't figure how a pineapple manage to find a way to his room.
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 17:40:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You mean a pathological liar? My cousin is one on top of being a one-upper. She has been since childhood. The story that annoys me most is the time at Christmas I was talking to an aunt about my migraines. She asks me how long I've had them and I say "since I was about 5 or 6". My cousin swoops in out of nowhere and goes "I've had migraines since I was 2 weeks old!" 1.) she does not have migraines and 2. you have no memory of being 2 weeks old even if you did.
Another ridiculous one is the claim she once made that she "only sleeps 2 hrs each week". Anyone with the most cursory knowledge of neurology and the effects of sleep deprivation would realize how stupid this sounds but the funny thing about pathological liars is that they will defend a lie to the death- even in the face of damning scientific evidence to the contrary.
Told me a story that actually had happened to me. Was a fairly unique and well known story. I was the guy in the story he was telling me. But he replaced me with him....
MZM204 · 5 points · Posted at 17:58:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I briefly had a boss (Security) who joined up making $15/hr with "extensive experience".
claimed to be a Gulf War vet, had his spine broken when his MBT drove over a tank mine. Made a miraculous recovery.
when asked about which branch of the military he'd been in, he told me "all of them; I like to move around"
used a poppy pin on Remembrance Day (Veteran's Day equivalent) to pin up a memo about cleaning up the office of food waste. Was confused when I told him that it was disrespectful to his supposed fellow veterans.
claimed to own a huge scuba diving school in Brazil on the coast, a dozen staff members, had a beautiful beach house, but was here making $15/hr in Winnipeg, Canada (horrible frozen wasteland half of the year)
claimed to be a certified CPR instructor, didn't know what AED stood for and "lost" his certificate
said he was a computer programmer and knew a dozen programming languages and worked for Microsoft in the past; got upset when I wouldn't do the schedule for him on Excel (very easy, no formulas required). He drew it on paper until someone else showed him how to do it...
showed me his Rolex that he'd paid five grand for... It didn't sweep, it ticked, got upset when I told him he had a $75 knockoff, and never wore it to work again.
the employer let him go after eight months. Spent the last week there running around crying that he desperately needed the job, then on the last day said he'd quit and was going to Brazil the next day.
a couple months later I saw him driving around town in his rusty old Cavalier.
Dated a girl a few years ago. She claimed to have an, "abusive ex boyfriend" so I obviously hated the guy. Things weren't working out and every time we got in a heated argument / I tried breaking up with her, her ex boyfriend would start texting me claiming he "wanted her back" and he was going to "kick my ass." This led to me defending to her and even driving to her house the SAME night I broke up with her. I remember being with my buddy at the bar, talking about the break up, when she texts me that he was outside her window and the ex was texting me how he's going to "fuck her brains out" and so forth. Turns out she made a fake number through google and started texting to me pretending to be him. I talked to her parents, turns out her ex was never even abusive, apparently he was a super chill guy lmao and she was the one who went crazy after he broke up with her. The crazy ones are full of problems but man are they fun LOL
Edit* Another fun story regarding the ex, we were supposed to see a concert together but my nephew was due the same night, so obviously I told her I was going to stay home and be with my family. Guess what she tells me? Turns out her "abusive ex" is going to the concert as well, and they might run into each other. Fast forward to 2am, I just get home, she's been spam calling me for the past hour being frantic saying that she ran into him at the gas station and he and his friends pounded on her car, calling her a slut yadda yadda yadda. I ignore. Guess who rings my doorbell at 2:15am? lmaoooooo
Please sir, can I have some more?
I've only experienced crazy exes doing crazy stuff, not spinning webs of lies. I'm curious what other lies she told.
Not sure which I'd prefer, crazy sex and damaged property, or crazy sex and webs of lies. At this point in life I choose neither.
Guess I had a vasectomy for no reason.
hahahaha alright, here's another story for ya. This one happened after the 2nd time I broke up with her. We didn't talk for a few days and then she sends me a text. It said something like, "Hey, hope you're doing well, you told me to tell you if my ex ever did anything to me, so I thought I'd just share that he tried breaking into my house today and he was arrested." I'm thinking LOL what? I ask her for all of the details. Where was she when this happened? Where was her family? When did she call 911? What was the name of the deputy that came to your house? She answers all my questions. I go online to the Sheriff Deputy website and look at all of the calls in her city. No deputies were dispatched to her neighborhood. She never even called 911. I called her out on it. In fact, my family friend lived in her same exact neighborhood, and told me that no cop visited their street that day and that it was just another quiet evening. Not only that, but my mom is an ex-cop, and she told me it takes hours to make arrests like this, they don't just arrest someone and leave within 15 minutes. So I called her out on all of those points, and she just denied denied denied. Made up more lies. "WHY WOULD I LIE TO YOU???" And started accusing of me not trusting her and making me out to be the stupid one / bad guy. She told me she didn't remember the deputies name, her step dad and mom talked to him. She told me all the neighbors were outside. Then she told me her friend called 911 and not her, so that must be why it didn't show up on the online 911 log record. At this point I knew she was lying and I began laughing about it, laughing at her and laughing at my own stupidity, but part of me still felt bad for her and wondered if just MAYBE she was telling the truth. I talked to her parents a week or 2 later (the same conversation as my first comment, when they told me the ex wasn't abusive) and the parents told me no cops had ever come to their house LOL. They never talked to a cop LOL. Her ex was never at the house and was never arrested. Just a web of lies man. At this point in life I choose neither, but if I had to choose I guess I would change it up and choose crazy sex and damaged property lmao. I'm always getting crazy sex and web of lies, I'm getting burnt out on all of the lying and trust issues
[deleted] · 4 points · Posted at 19:22:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'M SAVING HIS BEST TALE FOR LAST
A guy I used to work with, whose nickname was Muscles, laughed like Krusty the Clown. Now a frail older gentleman, apparently he is legend in other parts of the world.
-received his black belt from Chuck Norris who flew a helicopter to the highest point in Pike County, KY to give it to him.
-was once a sniper aboard a submarine in the South Pacific
-also served as a sonar tech. His ability to distinguish pings helped the US avoid nuclear warfare with Russia. Apparently what everyone else though was an Akula class submarine, he determined was a whale.
-you've heard of people getting the Red Carpet treatment? Apparently at any Ford dealership in the US, they have an actual red carpet they roll out for VIP's. He was one, with a guaranteed $100,000 line of credit.
-he's Pete rose's nephew
-world champion First Aid administer, 2 consecutive years
-was called in by Geroge W. to swim into an underground coal mine in Pennsylvania to save trapped miners.
-can catch flies between his pointer and thumb, the only problem is he can't control his strength and crushes them to powder.
-Alright, here's my favorite story in his words. "One night after seeing a girl I was fooling around with, I headed out on the snow covered highway home. I was the only car on the highway, there were no tracks anywhere. The heat lulled me to sleep and when I snapped to, all I could see was the headlights of a semi, headed right at me. I grabbed the wheel and prepared to die. I felt the truck WOOSH by me. I stopped in the highway, completely intact! I looked up and saw the rear end of the trailer seemingly coming back together. I got out and looked at the tracks. One set of truck tires when around the drivers side of my car, the other set around the passengers. I SPLIT THE TRUCK WITH MY MIND
A friend of mine who had done some modeling and acting could be at times a laid back and fun guy, and at other times not so much.
My brother was good friends with him as well, so this was maybe 15 years ago or so... my brother and I get a call from him and put it on speaker phone. So we're both talking to him and he's going on and on about this girl he's dating and how because of "circumstances" its really hard to be in a relationship with her and they get pestered wherever they go and yada yada yada.
We can tell he wants us to ask who the girls is so we don't, finally he gets sick of waiting and tells us he's dating Brittney Spears (this was like height of her fame). Neither of us really give a shit and pretty much just told him to keep his head up. But it always stood out to me as the most ridiculous lie I had ever heard.
Years later, he was the "Bachelor" on that TV show. I didn't watch it but had girlfriends that did and from what they described not much had changed.
OdBx · 4 points · Posted at 20:23:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Went to the aquarium and, in the tunnel bit with all of the sharks above you, managed to fall in to the tank and get chased by a great white.
Went on a picnic with her friends, saw a little green man come running out of the bushes. Went to investigate and found a pot of gold in the bush!
Went into school and told the teacher that her mum had run away so she (10yo) and her brother (12yo) had to get jobs in order to survive.
I used to work on a loading dock with a guy who told all kinds of ridiculous stories. Some of the better ones:
He attempted to join the army, but was rejected after his psychological evaluation on the basis that he was "too mean" for the US Military.
He broke several high school pitching records. He was such a good pitcher in high school that his school had a statue of him erected in his memory. (His former high school was only about two miles from where we worked. Why did he ever think he could get away with his story?)
He was a former millionaire from starting an extremely successful pizza chain in Florida. He unfortunately gave all of that up when he moved back to his home town to be closer to his family. He now unloads trucks at a grocery store.
He claimed he was a successful musician and played in a local band. He would often bring in "demo" CD's and give them to his co-workers. The actual artists on the CD's ranged from Bruce Springsteen to Gary Allen.
He supposedly snapped a pool cue in half and stabbed a man in his eyes with the jagged edges of the cue. The bartender then offered him free drinks for life as the man he stabbed was a regular at the bar and often started fights.
Just a few of the "golden" stories. We would just pretend to believe them in hopes that he would keep feeding us more lies. I always got quite a kick out of them.
A friend of mine told me one morning that his bladder had burst. He had to be rushed to the hospital the day before. I hadn't really known him to be a compulsive liar at this point so I just kinda went with it. But instead of stopping there, he continued the story. He apparently was put on morphine, and was hallucinating that morning. He told me that he looked out his window and saw a headless Abraham Lincoln outside his window. Now I started to question everything and eventually forgot. The next day I went to the fair. I ate some of the garbage fried food and walked around. I saw his sister there and asked her how her brother was doing. She gave me a blank stare and told me nothing was wrong. Then everything he said made sense. I realized that a lot of the stuff he told me in the past wasn't true. Needless to say, we weren't friends anymore.
I'm sure this will get buried but here goes nothing,
A girl named Julia.
I met her in school, 2013, she was a shy girl, didn't really talk that much. But you could see that she was an interesting person, and she was beautiful as well, something about her just made me want to get to know her. As school went on I got to know her a little better and she seemed very mysterious to me, couldn't quite figure her out. Towards the end of 2013, we decide to have a party with our class, rented a place (pool,sauna,2 stories of pure fun and alcohol).
Party goes on and after having a few drinks we get to talking, just random stuff. I could tell that she was interested in me, and I was in her as well, however we were both dating at the time and I even lived with my girlfriend. After the party we talked on a daily basis, this went on for a while. My girlfriend at the time heard some really bizarre rumours about her and of course I didn't believe her, and told her that "naaah that's just not Julia at all". Spring 2014, my girlfriend and I had broken up because of different life interests (she wanted a family, I'm a career kinda guy). Our class gets together for another party, this time in a bar. I had talked with Julia for a while now, after putting it on halt for the break up, and we agreed to have a little chat at the bar. Night went on and after a bit of back and forth teasing we started making out, downstairs near the dance floor. I crushed on her massively, and so did she for me, this continued for about 2 months. I was always looking forward to seeing her, but she had an excuse every single time, so we decided to end it. It was fine with me and I honestly thought it was for the best, because I still had that gut feeling about her. Few months later, my friend from my class calls me and asks me if I had heard what Julia had done to her Ex-boyfriend. Apparently she had stole all of his personal information (ss number,credit card info etc.) and used those to order expensive things in his name, I couldn't even begin to understand it. Now, almost 2 years later, I've found out she was a pathological liar and had scammed all of her many previous boyfriends, there's so much more she's done though. I still can't grasp it..such a nice girl. Last I heard from her was from a good friend of mine, she had checked herself into a program and was struggling with it, still stealing from her closest friends and parents.
That he was getting head from a girl, while doing CPR on another one, while driving a rescue boat, as he was launched over a wave and jumping over a helicopter.
We were supposed to play ARK after he got home from work, but when he got home he told me he's gonna sleep because he's tired. I'm like, okay dude get some rest. Then out of nowhere he said "Btw dude someone will use my League of Legends account tonight so don't pm me." Right then I knew he just wanted to play rank because I was Plat and he was Gold (he really wants to try to prove that he can get to our rank even though he's boosted by a high Plat player who was Diamond last season), so I checked and I was right. Tried to tell him "dude its okay if you want to play ranked instead" but he made soooo much obvious lies I didn't even bother replying to them.
Yes we're still playing ARK but he keeps playing ranked every now and again (I stopped because I needed a break from League).
Not only was it ridiculous, it was very unnecessary. I also knew that he's a compulsive liar because he lied a few times before that were not only as ridiculous but also too obvious.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 13:07:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
His name is "Ken". Ken is in the army. He told us that for training he had to stay up 12 days for deprivation training. The world record for staying awake is 11 days Ken. Ken is a fucking liar.
A few years ago my buddy was dating this girl. When I first met her we were getting to know each other. I said I was planning on hiking the entire Appalachian Trail. She immediately says "oh! I did that!" I asked her when. She said she was a bad kid in middle school so her parents sent her to this camp for troubled kids. I asked how long the camp was for. She's said one month. I didn't want to embarrass my friend or her so I left it at that. The Appalachian Trail is over 2000 miles long and takes people AT LEAST five months to complete. After that it just seemed like she was constantly lying about her endeavors and I never trusted her.
When I was 19 the security guy where I worked was 2 years older than me, so 21.
It was a small office, with 7 people working and him, standing there for 8 hours so we all talked a lot.
Everytime we mentioned some kind of profession like 'hey my dad is a x' he would ALWAYS mention how he worked as that for 1 o 2 years.
I shit you not he told us how he worked for a year or two in 15 different places and he was a butcher for 8 years.
So at 21 he had almost 30 years of combined work experience.
Reminds me of a college professor I once had. She would always say that she had spent 5 years in this country, 10 years in that country. If you added it all up, she must have been 120 years old, but she looked about 45.
I don't consider myself a compulsive liar, but one day around 5 years ago now a friend and I once came up with the idea that its completely possible and plausible to tell a small white lie and have it go unquestioned by anyone you tell it to. Ten minutes later, my "allergy to nuts" is born. To this day only my parents, said friend and now my SO know I have zero allergy to nuts. Its a terribly bad lie and completely pointless, but it works. No one ever questions it. I once mentioned it in conversation to someone who offered me a snickers bar, took the bar saying I would give it to someone else, then ten minutes later ate the same snickers bar right in front of their eyes without them noticing. I don't even know why I still tell people it but I get a slight internal sense of satisfaction every time I do and get away with it.
Tl;dr; I tell people I have a nut allergy, I don't, but in 5 years its never been questioned.
Ninja edit; If it wasn't already obvious too my friend and I were high as shit during that initial conversation all those years ago.
A friend of mine is a compulsive liar, and horrible at it because we would always catch him in ridiculous lies. When we were in high school one weekend a few friends decided to go see a movie, we walk up to get tickets and that's when he decided to tell me he has no money and needs me to pay for him. I ask why he came if he didn't have money but had no good reasoning. So I obliged and paid for his movie ticket. After the movie I'm driving us all home, he asked me to stop into Taco Bell so he could get something to eat. I say I'm not buying you food also but he tells me he just has a few dollars as he orders about 10 dollars worth of food. We get up to the window and he hands me a 20... I ask him if he had a 20 then why did I pay for your movie? So he told me his dad gave him a 20 but told him he could only spend it on food... still good friends with the little shit, and still pulls that crap even at 25 years of age.
My father told me when I was young and impressionable that he was visited by aliens that "seeded" the planet for life. They live about 500 years and live underground on their planet. Sons follow their father's profession and continue his life's work after he dies, similarly with daughters and mothers. He said he was given a scrap piece of this alien's space craft. When an electric charge was applied to it it levitated and had anti-gravity properties. He had it analyzed and the scientist said it had unknown elements and the metals he could discern in the alloy couldn't fuse into an alloy with our current technology. Something about the melting point of one metal was the flash vaporization point of another.
He also told me that once every 5000 years the earth reversed it's spin. As in the sun would soon set in the east and rise in the west. Additionally each time this happened we as a species climbed the ladder to enlightenment. The upcoming reversal would cause us to be able to manifest thought into reality. So wishing for someone to die would kill them.
He told me a lot of shit like this when I was young but these two examples are all I still remember.
Humak · 3 points · Posted at 16:26:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm in the military. I'm a bureaucrat. I do human resources. I have access to your record. I can definitely tell if you're lying to me. Period.
Fucking Chansey (as we nicknamed him) was the worst of worst pathological liars. Closeted, conniving, and stupid. I don't care what you do with your junk just don't blatantly lie to me. Definitely don't steal from me. And if you're going to do either then be fucking smart about it. Whole ass or no folks, don't half ass b
Notable lies:
How while he was stationed onboard the CGC Fir they would do anti piracy patrols around the coast of Somalia. One night while he was the crewman of the watch he's making a round of the exterior of the ship. He pauses by the stern to gaze forlornly (his words) at the ocean when his flashlight beam catches the glint of someone's eyes. Turns out it was a pirate trying to board! So with the most effeminate "ugh" he could muster, he whacks him with his flash light. The pirate falls into the water and Chansey saves the ship!
During the same patrol, his room mate allegedly downloaded kiddie porn onto chansey'a laptop. His command found out about the porn through a series of improbable and highly unlikely circumstances involving an undercover CGIS agent and an earnest attempt to bring his roommate to Jesus. Don't ask, I don't recall specifics. Well, as punishment his CO locked him in a locker and only fed him bread and water. Please note, this is so far against what the military would do it isn't even funny.
He used to lie to me about things I told him. Usually same day.
A guy that goes to school with me (which is a music college), has too many lies to keep up with. These are just a few.
Says to have written hundreds of famous songs. Some include; radioactive and swimming pools and even an entire Mumford and sons album. He also says he is friends with many famous artists that he met in other countries, despite not having a passport.
Told me the music professors got on their knees and begged him to join the college.
Claimed to have bronchitis for over a year, saying it had an effect on his playing just so he could miss rehearsals, all while still smoking pot and cigarettes daily.
I was in this little shithole bar in West Virginia playing pool. This white wanna be gangster slaps his quarters down so we play. During play he tells me he's best friends with 50 Cent and was backstage at his concert last night. He pulls his phone out and shows me a few pictures, some from the nosebleeds of a concert, couldn't tell if it was 50 Cent or Iron Maiden on stage he was so far away. Then some pictures taken of a computer monitor with 50 Cent on it....I'm not sure who he thought would by that. Then he says his watch was a gift from 50 Cent. He shows me his watch, it looks like it came out of one of those quarter machines at the grocery store.
-He was a MMA wrestler. He was never on TV, but was mentioned when he broke a German man's perfect winning streak. Ha also had a preacher pull him on stage during a sermon so people in the congregation would shout out things they assumed about his based on his appearance so the preacher wow them by telling them he was an MMA wrestler and teach them about not judging a book by its cover.
-Holds the world record in the 100 meter dash, but it's undocumented because of reasons.
-He has Multiple Personality Disorder (Never once did he call it Dissociative Identity Disorder) AND Schizophrenia.
He couldn't remember anything from Psych class because all his personalities loved that class so much so they would all try to come out during it.
The Psych prof let him teach the section on Multiple Personality Disorder since he had first-hand experience.
He's able to do his homework extremely well because he switched personalities at different stages in the process and each personality could use their strengths.
We all knew he had a crush on a girl, but he said that he didn't like her, but one of is personalities did.
He would order too much food at restaurants and say that one of his alters took over because the waiter/waitress made him nervous and it was the alter that ordered too much. (In reality he probably has some kind of eating disorder, but the details on that are unrelated.)
-He and his sister were both possessed by the same demon and it would jump between the two of them. They had a cute little nickname for it too. He got better when he came to college... For a while, then it got worse right after he mentioned it for the first time. He said he was a Christian and when we questioned his faith, because according to the Christian faith Christians can't be possessed, the demon was soon after exorcised by a mutual acquaintance.
-He hacked into Bank of America because he forgot his account password and it was easier to hack in than to get a new password. He got caught but only got out with a slap on the wrist.
-Certified Bartender when he was around 14.
-He made illegal Moonshine with his uncle.
-He was a professional pick pocket.
-Got the police chief drunk with his illegal moonshine and stole the chief's gun off of him. He sold it back to him a few days later. The chief didn't arrest him because he'd have to admit that he got outsmarted by a kid.
-He has over 100 first cousins
-He and his (not twin) sister looked EXACTLY alike until he was like a sophomore in high school and people would constantly confuse them.
-One of the professors told him to date his daughter. -- A different professor is constantly finding girls who are perfect for him and tells him to pursue them.
-Is an actor and singer. The head of the theater department wrote parts into plays specifically for him. (The part he had in the play this was supposed to have happened in didn't have any lines... He's also an AWFUL singer.)
-Inherited like 500,000 acres of land from his some relative.
-He has a girlfriend who was an "old flame from high school" (He was home schooled) but no one has ever seen a picture of her. He also went from actively seeking a girlfriend to meeting up with this girl online and dating her in around 10 hours I want to say.
-He told a girl that her roommate said that it would be alright if we set her up with a waiter at Applebee's and never considered that she would talk to her ROOMMATE about that.
Also, he's 19.
There's more, but this is the stuff that I can remember off the top of my head.
I knew a guy growing up that would lie constantly. For example
-He beat up about 20 guys in a park after he blacked out with only a sock, he knew this because he woke up when the ambulance arrived and they told him what happened.
-He knew multiplication in second grade (while failing algebra, not really far fetched but you had to know the guy)
And a thousand others that are pretty typical. The icing on the cake is that my group of friends knew he was a compulsive liar and when an open invitation was put on facebook to play Texas Hold-Em Poker he said he would come but not to expect much because he wasn't very good. It completely threw us and unfortunately we never were able to see how good he was since the game never panned out.
That he was going to be a voice actor for Cartoons and what not, then proceeded a week later to say that he has Seth MacFarlane's personal Cell phone number and personal Email, when called out to call Seth, he 'lost' his number, when told to email, it was his agent and 'misplaced' the slip of paper with his email.
Told me his father and him picked up new hobbies, they did metal working, and proceeded to tell me that he made me this ring, he handed me the ring then told me that it was made out of 'old saw blades' that the local lumber yard would donate to them to make said rings out of. I asked how he made them seamless and he said that it took a long while to sand out the seam and make it solid enough to not break.....on the inside of this ring, is an engraved label that had the type of steel its made from, i ask dumb and ask him what grade metal it is, he responds he doesnt know.
He did a graphic design for a book cover in graphic design class, turns out the 'models' on the cover of the book loved it and were going to send it to the author. Turns out shes likes it and is going to use it as the main book cover. her name was T. Smith, he forgot her name but knew she was a New York Times Best Seller. but didnt know the fucking name of the artist. he also 'signed' a contract with her to do the next 5 books in the series.
He also said that he couldn't join the wrestling team in school because he was 'too big', then proceeded to tell me that he then joined a sumo wrestling club.
He told another guy that me and him had gotten into a fight at a pool hall. Two guys that we hustled at pool confronted us and we beat them up with pool sticks. None of this was true, so imagine my surprise when our mutual friend asked me about it one day.
I have a close relative that spun a yarn regarding how she got grant money to raise Buffalo...she lives on 5 acres of dirt in central Florida. Ok, maybe a 1/3 of the property has grass, but it's definitely not suited for a herd of Buffalo.
epmoya · 3 points · Posted at 19:51:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know a real life Walter Mitty: First and foremost, he is an ex-Navy Seal, he is also an Architect, pilot, surfs "the Mavericks", sky diver, has owned several restaurants, owned several race horses, owns a plane, used to race motorcycles, was the CEO of a Yacht club...I know there is more but I can't think of them right now. All I know for sure is that he is working at a burger joint now...in his head he probably thinks he owns it.
I just had that very same thought before I read this. And Im 100 percent not lying about it. I met Tom petty once. I asked him if he knew who tom petty was because he looked just like him and he said no ? Hours later I realized it had to be Tom petty. Similar story with Ted Koppel. I asked him , has anyone ever told you that you sound just like ted koppel? I only knew of people doing impressions of him. He said " no, no one has ever told me that" I learned later through google images that I was speaking to him. ( waited on him in a fifties diner )
Way late to this thread, but I'll post anyway. This was my best friend from elementary school who ended up being a compulsive liar in high school.
Over the course of 4 years in high school, he went through 3 or 4 Swedish supermodel girlfriends that none of us (our friend group) ever got to meet. They always "went to a different school" or "were on vacation with their family" and at one point one of them got stuck in Sweden and couldn't come back because she didn't have a passport or something.
He created fake Facebook profiles for these girls that he would show to us. They were clearly pictures from the internet, we found most of them by googling "hot blonde girl" and they were on the first page. One of them was a weed dealer who he got hookups from and SWORE he would introduce to us. She died in a car accident one day out of nowhere.
These girls would have "sex parties" occasionally that were just orgies where he would get with like 4 of them at once. It was absolutely ridiculous. This guy ended up losing my friendship because he spread a rumor among our friends that I once shoved a carrot up my ass on webcam when we were young for a dominatrix. They all believed it until we all realized how full of shit this guy was.
I knew a guy who claimed he was part of the Rothschild family and had never flown commercial, only private. This was in a pretty affluent area where stories like this weren't unheard of, so I didn't immediately discredit his statement. A few months later we had a falling out. I didn't speak to him for a year, at which point I walked by him living on the street. Unless he managed to spend his entire "Rothschild fortune" I'm going to assume that everything he had ever told us was a lie.
Some fat girl hooked up with my drunk friend then 9 days later told my friend she was pregnant. Even gave my friend an address of the clinic she went to and the name of the doctor. My friend was freaking out because he doesn't know how biology works so I took him to the address that girl gave and it was an empty piece of land. That night I saw the girl at a party smoking and drinking and when I told her that's now good for the "baby", she just told me "oh, well"
One of my "friends" in High School was a compulsive liar. The final straw for me was the day when she came in to school with bandages wrapped around her wrists.
*She told me this elaborate story about her being mugged outside her house. The guys grabbed her by the wrists and threw her to the ground and ran off with her purse. She had spent the entire night in the ER due to the "Indian burns" they had given her wrists.
*She told one of our other friends that she had unsuccessfully attempted suicide
*She told another friend that her and her boyfriend had decided to try something new in the bedroom and had used handcuffs for the first time. She had the bandages on her wrists so her parents wouldn't see the raw places the handcuffs had rubber her skin.
Next day she came in and the bandages were gone and her wrists were fine. If anyone brought it up she said she was a quick healer.
He was was 28 in early 2000s (TRUE). He was deployed in Vietnam and the Korean war! Fought for the USA in the Falklands. All of these were secret wars too when pressed for questioning. He would wear all kinds of combat patches. He was the undisputed US Army Chess Grandmaster (He'd steal your pieces off the board). He beat Bobby Fischer and then taught him...while Bobby was deployed.. Ignorant girls fell for this way too often.
Another yahoo claimed to be ex-CIA with a "Psy-Ops division" but looked more like ex-KFC. He went to London bobby school for "offensive tactical stunt driving" and he was so good they put him in charge of teaching when the queen came for inspection. She was so impressed she asked for personal stunt driving lessons. She paid him 2 million pounds for them and made him her personal driver for a month. Something about nuclear codes..
The mother of my daughter. We had been loosely dating about 3 months when she came up pregnant. By the time my daughter was 3 months old I couldnt stand her anymore and called her out on all of it. From what I can remember:
She faked a british accent, always. This she claimed was because she grew up in England and attended the Royal Academy of Dance.
She had an evil twin sister who's hair was black (she is blonde).
She had like 12 brothers and sisters who lived in their family's homes around the world.
Her dad flew around visiting these children in his private jet.
She had an uncle found chopped up and stuffed in a tool box.
Dad was working with/for the Italian Mafia.
She had an extremely rare heart disease called 'Chagas' (the disease is real, hers was not). She even told our prenatal doctor this.
When she would have 'attacks' from the Chagas she would pound a BC powder straight and that would handle it...
She made fake MySpace accounts for jealous beefcake lovers and message me from them trying to get me riled up (I would just laugh and block them).
She said she went to University of Texas in Austin and did so much coke she just had a train of dudes running through her apartment and a string she could pull to ring a bell (I forget what for, but check the office of the registrar and she never attended).
I can actually answer something!! So, my friends roommate my freshman year of college was a pathological liar. She was cool for a little bit, but it took us about 6 months to realize her stories weren't real. We actually kept a document that had every lie she ever told which ended up with over 90 lies. We legitimately looked into each story, and every one was false. The biggest ones:
1) She was raped by her best friend after prom. We looked him up in her state's public records. He's nowhere to be found. She said they were both 18 at the time and that he was in jail. Facebook stalking showed us that he moved across the state and was in college.
2) She told us she was diagnosed with cancer, lost all her hair, recovered, and grew her hair back to shoulder length over summer break. If she felt particularly lonely, she'd cry and tell us her cancer came back. It "came back" all the time. One weekend she went back home and said she was getting chemo. Another friend of ours happened to be in town and wanted to go with her. She said sure and arranged for a time to meet up. She stopped responding closer to the meet up time. I snap chatted her 30 mins after learning that she stopped responding to our other friend. She instantly answered me with a picture of a lake.
3) She said she got raped by a customer at Walmart (she worked there) while walking to her car around 3 am, at the end of a shift. We asked if she called the police or pressed charges and she said she was too nervous. We accepted this as plausible. Until she told the same story to someone else and said it was her boss. And another person saying it was her new coworker. Then I asked her about it again a couple weeks later and she told me it was her boss. I dismissed it as another lie and moved on. WELL about a week later she comes to me crying. She said she was pregnant from the rape. I acted sympathetic and asked for details. She said she took a pregnancy test and it was positive. Then said she was going to give it away for adoption. Except there's no way to find out if you're pregnant after just one week, to my knowledge. So I just ignored her again. Three days later she had a gay couple to adopt. Cool. Two weeks later she was finding out the sex of the baby. A month later she miscarried.
We went to group counseling (about four of us) without her to figure out what to do. Essentially the therapist told us we either had to confront her or stop talking to her altogether. We confronted her and she had a meltdown and went missing for a day. She showed back up and acted like nothing happened. Continued with the lies. I don't know if she even knew they were lies. I don't associate with her anymore because it's just too much to handle.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 00:52:33 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend who used to tell stories that were obviously fake. He would go on and on about something that just felt impossible. Once in awhile there would be barbeque sauce. Not only were the stories impossible, they were often impractical examples of preheating to 200 degrees. Covering the ribs in the barbeque sauce, slow-cook for 4 hours in the oven and finish on the grill.
Had a friend in HS who said he had a twin brother, we who named rhymed with his. We bought it up to his mom and her response was "I think I would have remembered that"
Went to a really competitive high school (half the kids were Asian, there was a giant board in the cafeteria at the end of 1st semester where kids' IDs were posted with their grade point average). One Asian guy said he was rank 14 (high school class of about 1000), but I had never seen him study in my life although he was 2 years ahead in math. The next year, my friend and I found a way to hack into the online grade viewing system, called him out on having all C's and D's, and unintentionally set off major IT reform in the school district.
pjlake · 3 points · Posted at 05:44:28 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was with a group of my friends and we had just finished bowling and we were looking for something fun to do the rest of the night. One of my friends suggested going driving up to a mountain nearby and chilling for a bit. Another friend said that he wouldn't be able to go. We asked him why and he said he needed to go collect rent from a rental that his grandparents own. It was LITERALLY 1 in the morning and he tried to convince us he needed to collect rent.
Ahh there's a kid in my grade at school who says he is
-A world wide known dj signed to spinnin and armada
-An emt (need to be 21 to do that in our town)
-Skipatrol
-USA lacrosse player (yet he's on jv)
-One of the Yale lacrosse coaches
-Good friends with the Israeli ambassador
-His friend was murdered in a drive by right next to him and he was shot too
-Owns 2 audi r8s
-Semi-pro csgo player
There's many more I just can't remember them right now
Overweight white guy tells everyone he's from China, apparently his mom gave birth to him in Japan and died during child birth. Then a Chinese woman adopted him. He says he's been to Pyongyang worked at a circus and joined the Chinese army. Guess where I met him, no seriously guess I'll give you some time..............
Walmart, now just because this is improbable doesn't mean it's impossible. But I found out his last name looked him up on Facebook and dun Dun DUN his mom is on there and she's white.
STOP FUCKING LYING.
Okay I'm super late to this but I have some good ones.
So this is a girl I've known for over 12 years now, since we were in second grade, and I've got a few pretty great stories she's tried to convince me were true.
The first two are from third and fourth grade. We were at her house alone, playing truth or dare in the pool. She asked if I would believe her if she told me she was born with a penis. 7 year old me was all "Um I'm not sure that sounds pretty fake but maybe?" So she proceeds to try to convince me that she was and that her parents put a cup over it to hide it because they didn't want to come up with a guy name for her since they'd already picked a girl name. I never really believed that but I sort of went with it because we had moved there about a year before and she was one of my only friends since most of the girls in the small school we went to already had their own groups. She stuck with this story until she eventually just forgot it. She had also tried to convince me that she was Jesse McCartney in disguise.
Later that same year we were making milkshakes in my family's kitchen. She suddenly started talking about how Dylan and Cole Sprouse thought she made really good milkshakes so I should just let her do all of it. She said that they were on those Disney Channel game things together (obvious lie... I watched that show and she was never on it) and that she'd gone over to their house to go swimming with them. I said that there was no way that was true and she started crying because I didn't believe her.
In sixth grade she changed correctly spelled words on my spelling tests when she was grading them to make them wrong. She didn't just lie to the teacher about it either when I was confused about why I had failed a spelling test when that was one of the subjects I was best at and we were doing review words. She told me multiple times that she hadn't changed anything on my test even though I could see the eraser marks and the changes were in different handwriting. She never admitted to it, even when I said I wouldn't be mad if she would just admit that she wasn't better at spelling than me after she had been going on and on for weeks about how bad I must be at spelling. When anyone else graded my tests I got 100%. I have them all in a folder somewhere. She still says things like "Hey do you remember that year you were so bad at spelling? That was so funny! You kept saying I changed your tests but you obviously just didn't study enough hahaha so funny!!" sometimes and I'm a bit bitter about it.
I don't remember any others until high school, when she said she'd been cast (as a freshman with an okay but definitely not good singing voice compared to a lot of other people at the arts school she went to) as Peter in Peter Pan and that she would get to use those wire things to fly around even though her school only had a black box theater and definitely didn't have enough funding for that. I was almost fooled by this one because I thought she had gotten past the lying thing but I mentioned how skepttical I was to her sister and her sister had no clue what she was talking about.
Since then there hasn't been anything too memorable, just a lot of exaggerations on mostly true things. But I'm waiting for her to flat out lie again because I never called her out on any of this and she acts like I'm stupid for "falling for it" when she makes shit up.
He had a Swiss girlfriend whose dad had a house on a cliff in the mountains, accessible only by hellicopter; plus he had given him a ferrari. We were in high school, nowhere near Switzerland :)
I had a gf who was a compulsive liar in grade 12. There are very many stories she told me but here are some:
One was that she had an irregular heart beat. This was a recurring story. And it wud always happen to act up whenever I was doing something with friends. Once she had open heart sugery and made it to school the next day perfectly fine and recovered. Other times she way rushed into emergency or passed out on the street.
Another good one was her mom and brothers all said they were from Pakistan but she said they were Columbian. She would pretend to speak Spanish and said her real name was actually mañana. Once I had her talk to my friend who knew Spanish. He said she was speaking gibberish. She said he didn't know Any Spanish and he was actually speaking gibberish
I feel you dude, dated a pathological liar once. She's the worst. Wrote a thing about it:
You call that conversation?
Yes, those are words.
Otiose, superfluous, but still words, forming
Useless sentences.
Angelic beauty
Reels me in, along with
Everyone else you suck into your web.
And you call that conversation...
But you know just what you do.
Everyone sees it, sucks it up,
And you just continue pulling us into your innocent
Undertow, while
Tapping into your
Incredible abundance of
Flighty passion for
Unrequited
Loathing. Or was it
Love?
Ideaology clashes with realism here,
Angling towards a new idea - let's try
Rectitude.
I won't call that conversation.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:52:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A relative of mine finally had enough and started separation from his wife. They ended up having some big talk with the two of them and her mum. In the chat the wife said that they shouldn't end it and she still loved him, my relative was like "really?", and her mum stepped in to say "stop lying, you haven't loved him in years"
I have edited details to make this less recognisable but the main story is there
That she could see ghosts and the future, and had a 'ghost protector' who followed her around and communicated with her through the wind.
She later admitted that the future thing was a lie, but still maintains ten years later that the ghost thing is totally true.
Edit: a word.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 12:58:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
No, I don't think so. I think she was just a very toxic and attention seeking person. She thrived on creating drama amongst her friend group, so on top of the frequent lying she also did a lot of other negative stuff such as cheating on her partners (usually with their friend), dating their exes, and lots of passive-aggressive bullshit. She successfully broke up one of my relationships through lying as it was "taking attention away from her relationship".
On many occasions I saw her be sweet to someone's face, then spend an hour bitching about them behind their back. After we drifted apart, I found out she did this to me as well.
She was just a very shitty person, essentially, and I do not regret cutting off that friendship for a second.
Here is a very weird one. I had a buddy who IS a pathological liar. He would lie about everything. He knew I was a Godzilla fan and went into great detail about a preview for a NEW Godzilla movie he saw. Or so he said. Well, I didn't believe him. FF about 10 years. And a preview for a brand new... JUST MADE Godzilla film was shown at the theater I was in. The movie was made THAT YEAR. The preview was EXACTLY as my lying friend had described it 10 years earlier. Some how he had used his magic bullshit powers to see into the future or something. I was blown away.
Reminds me of crazy Donald. Claimed to have 10 billion dollars, tried selling his own line of steaks, started his own university...... Called a reporter claiming he was his own publicist, and said that Madonna wanted to date him. Oh I could go on. What an asshole.
There was this kid who no matter what story you told, he had to make one up to one up you. I remember at lunch I was talking about the Gym Class Heroes Concert I went to and he was like well I met them when I was at Warped Tour and they were awesome. This was before Facebook and we couldn't prove whether he went or not but it was highly unlikely.
Then he would just tell these elaborate stories of meeting celebrities and how on vacation he had bumped into Tony Parker and he joined his family for dinner. The older we got the more far-fetched it went. He even went so far as to say Weird Al wanted to him in one of his music videos.
But one day we had finally had enough of his bull shit lies. His latest one was that he had asked to be an extra in the next Batman movie (this would be the second of the Dark Knight films) and we said okay let's see the proof. He went cold. He said that well he was thinking about doing it and turned it down and it was a phone call so no proof and we just kept calling his bluff until he ran out of the cafeteria. I haven't heard from him since High School so i wonder what web of lies he had spun in college.
Knew a guy who swore up and down one day that his friend was killed by a ouija board, by the little triangle thing flying off the board and into his friends heart. I asked him about it the next day and he said that never happened, nor did he tell me that story. There's a lot of other lies he said, but that one sticks out.
There used to be a creepy girl in class who would randomly growl at people walking by. She was convinced she was a demigod (greek) and was always refer to others as "mere mortals"
He told us, among other things, he go shot in the face by a desert eagle, and ran over by a steam roller. This was in middle school, mind you.
dfpw · 2 points · Posted at 12:37:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
was about 10 years ago, guy was about ~21. Stated that "he had beaten chuck norris in a martial arts competition" and "had to go to denver last weekend to help broker a deal between denver's chapters of the bloods and the crips". Wish I was lying and that he didn't legitimately state these things, or that I would remember some of the other wild shit.
Ooh, also he had no teeth due to "an overly acidic mouth" we were all pretty sure he did meth before the military.
My best friend (who was extremely wealthy) when I was 7 claimed he had a rocket ship at his house and I believed him. The first time I went to his house on a play date, I asked him where the rocket ship was and he told me it hadn't been made yet. I believed him.
That she was Jewish. The truth came out at her own wedding. Her mom was confused on why I wanted to know if her family was Ashkenazi or Sephardic. It turns out nope, just from Florida. I knew something was up with that giant star of David tat. I don't think she had even ever stepped foot in a Synagogue. That was just the tip of the iceberg in a relationship that destroyed my friend's life for years who is a exceptionally smart guy, I am still not sure why he stuck by her side through all that constant lying for over a decade.
He said that the dentist fucked up his enamel and softened it, so his teeth started to fall out and he had to get dentures.
His brother told us he was born with less than average enamel on his teeth. That, coupled with his raging alcoholism since at least his early 20s and lack of caring, is the reason he has no teeth.
That's sad. I had a high school friend who thought if she starved herself when she was pregnant, the baby would be smaller and the labor easier. Nope, she had a large, healthy baby but fucked up her health, and all her teeth fell out. I can't understand that kind of stupidity.
I was a pathological liar in HS. Told my mother once, after coming home at 5 am with a best friend and her being awake and seeing us walking in, that our cheerleading bus broke down on a Wednesday night after a football game(?) and that we were almost hijacked by the Mexican cartel.
I was a terrible liar, an obviously a complete idiot then.
One of my best friends in highschool was a compulsive liar. The best one he told me was that he accidentally programmed a sentient computer virus he named ODIN. He pointed to a desktop PC in the corner of his bedroom and said that it lived on that, but never turned it on or anything to show me, of course. I'd suspect it was some way to impress me and get into my pants (note: I am a computer geek) if he hadn't told absolutely everyone else about it, too.
I left my employee Tim outside a venue. He had keys to our truck, but was not insured to drive it.
Twenty minutes later I came back outside. Our trailer had been moved, and had significant damage on one side. He claimed not to know what happened.
I found gouge marks along a ditch near the front of the venue. He'd apparently towed the trailer, but because he didn't know how to drive it had cut the corner too short, running it through the ditch.
My father-in-law once told me that he had given over 25 gallons of blood over his lifetime. Claimed to have a special award because of it. Despite having spent the majority of the last 10 years of his life in and out of hospitals, losing both legs to complications from diabetes, and having not a single family member remember him ever giving blood even once, he stuck to his lie.
That is possible of you donate every time you are eligible. I dont know if diabetes exempts you from it, but you do have to meet certain health standards. I will ask my wife as she worked in blood banks for a long time.
Once met this gypsy guy that claimed to have stolen cars, was a big time drug dealer, had huge orgy's with hookers and also numerous other obvious lies. Oh yeah he was 15.
I used to talk a lot with these two girls on a forum who swore up and down that they lived in Venice. Talked about it all the time. I was primed to believe them, because I'd actually just been relocated to Switzerland courtesy of my dad's job. But they would joke about how being online in North American daytime was really screwing up their sleep. Or one time a girl said she had to leave for work, and I checked and it was barely 4 am in Italy -- she said she worked at a bakery.
For the most part I just accepted all the ever-so-slightly-off parts of their story, until we got into an discussion of whether or not Venice is a big city. I've been there once, and I googled population information and a map route of how long it takes to cross it on foot, and nothing they were saying made any sense. Started to get suspicious.
The thing that ended up giving them away was pretty dumb. One of the girls mentioned something about how, since she was so short, people always thought she was a child, "like earlier today, the gondolier asked if the doge was my father! And I was just there to drop off some lire we owed him!"
Full stop. First, what are you doing taking a gondola to get anywhere, and especially hiring one? You're a native, and that's a tourist trap.
Next, lire? No. Euros have been the currency in Italy since 2002. This was 2010.
And doge? Used to be the title for Venice's chief magistrate, an elected official. The position was abolished in 1797.
I wish, now, that I'd taken my evidence and called them out-- but back then I didn't want to cause any friction, so I just found all this out and kind of shrugged it off, like, "Oh well. Guess they were lying. Go figure."
I had a Grandmother who constantly would espouse "knowledge" that she "read in the paper" (but not the ones in the recycle bin - other ones that we can't find). Her all time biggest whopper was "trees absorb oxygen and give off Carbon Dioxide." After an hour long circular argument she was still insistent that that was what in her college textbooks from the 40s. Then my dad overheard the argument and reminded her that the textbooks were in the basement in storage. After another hour of hunting for the textbook that contained this lovely bit of science, she declared "it must be one that I threw away." I was 10 years old. I never believed any "fact" she threw out after that.
Whenever one of my friends meets someone on a night out, you can pretty much guarantee everything he says will be a lie.
For quite a while, he always claimed that he was a graphic design student at a famously shitty university (he actually has a job in software). He'd go on to list a bunch of semi-obscure albums he's done the artwork for.
I guess the odds of meeting another graphic designer who'd ask things about his style/tools etc was too high, so he's recently switched to pretending to be a soil analyst.
I worked with a music producer/manager who was a nice guy and helped me out a lot, but was absolutely a pathological liar. I think it helped him in the business, because he had no trouble saying that an artist had sold 100 records at a show when they had sold ten, that sort of thing. Anyway, it's been a few years, but here are some of his gems:
He was a professional French horn player until he split his lip in a fight.
He introduced Max Weinberg and Bruce Springsteen, and gave Weinberg advice that got him the gig.
He was at the recording of "Imagine" and played piano on it.
He played guitar at a show with Slash, and had to play all of Slash's parts because Slash was too drunk.
When he was in the Vietnam War he set off a huge explosion using all the plastic explosives at their base.
His birth certificate is marked M for mulatto.
He invented multitrack tape recording.
And my personal favorite: that I should quit my job and get rid of my apartment because we were going to be on the road nonstop. Thanks, buddy.
I would occasionally bump into a guy around bars in my town, and aside from having to listen to him drone on about his latest fictional ninjitsu-street-fight-vigilante-crusader bullshit every time I saw him, for some reason he also felt the need to tell me how he had recently become a commercial fisherman.
We live in a town in the absolute dead-centre of the UK. The ocean is over two hours drive away, and even then I don't think much commercial fishing goes on around there. The story wasn't that fantastic. Maybe he travelled a lot for work. I took it at face value and asked a few polite questions which he answered in impressive amounts of detail.
I saw him again about a month later and asked him how the fishing job was going. I wished I hadn't, because he spent the next 2 hours relentlessly barraging me with unremarkable tales from the high seas, again filled with utterly uninteresting technical detail. Again, I had no reason to doubt any of this. I figured he was excited about all of it, and just had no off switch.
That all ended when his buddy walked in. Mr Fsherman left the two of us at the table together for a minute whilst he went to get another drink.
"Brace yourself," I warned the friend. "You're going to hear a lot about Mr Fisherman's fishing job tonight."
The friend looked puzzled. "What fishing job?"
"The commercial fishing job he got last month. He's been telling me all about it for the past two hours."
"That dick isn't a fucking fisherman. He works packing boxes with me in a warehouse by B&Q"
What...the...fuck?
peglar · 2 points · Posted at 13:09:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Matt showed up crying on my doorstep. He said a kid we went to high school with died in a car accident. We cried on my couch and told stories about the dead friend. Several months later, I ran into the dead friend at the grocery store, still alive, no car accident. It was just one lie in a myriad.
A guy that worked with me a few years back, always good for a grade-A bullshit story. He lived in LA for a few years and makes up the most ridiculous shit, going on a date with Natalie Portman, shit like that.
His Metallica story takes the cake though, there's literally hundreds of layers of bullshit. He was at a local dive bar (he can't remember the name of it of course) that occasionally has live music, when out of nowhere Metallica shows up to play a set. He and about 25 other people got to enjoy over an hour of Metallica live just for them. After the show they are hanging out, and my coworker invited them back to his apartment pool, his fucking apartment building's pool. Just my coworker, no girls no one else with him, so naturally they ALL say "yes", of course. They then proceed to all hang out at his pool for hours drinking beer and telling my coworker crazy stories. My coworker was a little to drunk to remember any of the stories of course, oh and his phone battery was dead, and apparently no one in his apartment complex took pictures either.
The Rolling Stones would, once in a while, go play a set in bars when they were touring the US. I didn't see them but it would always be written about in the music press afterwards. They would book under assumed band names.
A cousin of mine tried to pursue a music career and told the family that a big music producer in Dubai wants to sign him and fly him out to record proffesionally...
Then came the fake Facebook/Twitter of the said music producer who was adding family members trying to get close to the family, family had no choice but to play along with the bullshit. My cousin was so deep in this lie that he would go off to take a "business call" during family gatherings, but it didn't end there, He had taken unauthorised leave from his work to fly out to Dubai just to prove to his parents how real it was. It was when he got to Dubai he was lost, alone and scared and but couldn't face telling his parents that it was all a big lie, instead he says that the producer died.
So he comes back to England £600 and a Full-time job short.
Oh and he is also pissed that Drake stole his song "Hotline Bling" and gave no credit.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 13:18:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 13:24:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When she was little (5-6 yo), she was walking on a wood, 3 men tried to rape her and since she played piano she beat the shit out of them
Yeah, piano players are known for their combat skills.
When I was in 7th grade, there was a girl named Ashley who loved to lie, and I don't know how she was in our friend group because she did it so often. She lied about how she threw food at a lunch lady once, another time she lied about how her cut herself when one of my friends said they didn't want to hang out with her anymore, but my favorite lie was the one I caught her in.
In 7th grade, I played the tuba. It's a very expensive instrument, so I rented it from the school and twice a week my mom would pick me up and we'd take it home since it was too big to fit on the bus. One day when this happened, our car was actually right behind my bus all the way to our apartment neighborhood. It never once stopped when it shouldn't.
The next day Ashley told me this crazy story about all the stuff I missed the day before. The kids on our bus can be pretty rowdy, so she told me how our bus driver stopped in the middle of the road and yelled at them for like 5 minutes before kicking the back half of the bus off and onto the street and told them to walk home before leaving. She said since she sat in the back (which she never did, she always sat in the front), she had to spend a half hour walking home.
After hearing this, I thought about it and went "That didn't happen. I was behind the bus the whole time. It never stopped for that long, and I didn't see any mass of kids get off." Naturally, she said I was the liar in this case, and "why would I lie?! It DID happen!"
She later moved away and a year after sent me a message via social media saying how she was sorry for all the lies she told (and the fact that she kind of stabbed me in the back multiple times but that's not the point).
That he had been deployed and shot (had the scars to prove it! Though it was really where a mole had been removed...) We worked at a resort where the staff lived on the grounds and he told this to everyone. He had a completely made up back story about an abusive childhood, health problems (a limp due to bullet wound, ptsd from deployment), penis surgeries. Looking back it was so over the top absurd I don't know how I was ever even friends with him.
Our group of friends still talks about "Mark in Iraq"... A high school acquaintance once, at the age of about 15, tried to convince her year group about the existence of her fictional fiancee, a man named Mark who was in the military. This sadly wasn't unusual for her as she'd grown a reputation for tall tales about her life, but this time she went all out. She had love letters, addressed from his base in Iraq, posted to the school, and she would go through a song and dance of receiving and opening them. Then a "diamond ring" arrived, again posted to the school itself. I never found out what happened to Mark in the end, although know if his acquaintance she probably concocted a tragic end for him. Poor Mark.
There's also a chap who managed to find his way into our circle of university friends who I'm a little ashamed to say we keep around purely for entertainment value. He appeared at our university, and joined our society, despite clearly having no qualifications and frankly being thick as two short planks. Despite this, he's tried to convince anyone who'll listen that he's studying to be a doctor, and is on a long and unsuccessful mission to carve out an identity as a kind of alpha male chick magnet president of our Soc. I must admit I've allowed him to corner me at a party, just to hear his stories about working for successful music labels, learning to ride a wild horse at age three, and winning in a physical fight with a bull.
He said he was early on the way to work in the Tottenham Hotspur merchandise store and the Tottenham player Aaron Lennon came up to him and said "oh you're early for work to?, why don't you come in my lambo and we'll go for a spin"
This is coming from the guy who also said he had £30,000 worth of ketamine under his bed from his cousin
Neighbor pretended he was a police officer and we was in the police academy. My friend and I rode our motorcycle to a club one night and got parking tickets. He told us we could park at the spot and the cops wouldn't bother us. When we got back we found parking tickets on our bikes. Friend and I were upset, pretend cop proceeded to say don't worry give me the tickets I got you. We give him the tickets and two weeks later we get a late ticket notice in the mail with the ticket fees higher. We go to him again and ask him what's going on. He plays it off saying that his cop friend must have forgotten. Dude was full of shit. A coupe month later he prended he got a job in Florida to be a cop and moved.
Come to find out he moved down the street lost his license due to a DUI AMD OWED 20k in child support and he pretended that he has over 20k in his bank account. Land lord tell me he left cause he couldn't pay rent. Dude could not stop lying.
He rode his motorcycle like he had nothing to
Lose. Going 140 mph in a 45 zone crazy shit.
There was a kid I roomed with a few years ago. He lied about literally everything. I have a lot of stories but this is the one where he made it super obvious he was lying (even though we knew already). He said he was driving back from school, somehow ended up 2 states away from where he lived, and he met up with a buddy. He and this buddy were riding on the highway when he noticed some cars following him. But instead of license plates, these cards had skulls instead. These "highway pirates" ran him and his friend off the road because supposedly they were in the Russian Mafia, (we live in NY) and his buddy pulls out a gun out of nowhere. But the gun didnt come into play until both of them got the shit beat out of them. They then drove to the hospital and he got better. I saw him 3 days after his story took place, not a scratch on him. I have waaay more stories about this kid if you guys want to hear it.
rbvq · 2 points · Posted at 13:32:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I once knew a girl all through primary and high school. When we were all around 16, we came back from our summer holiday to be told how she had;
became anorexic over summer but it was okay she was better now
modelled for Vera wang. no not the bridal collection, the normal clothes, obviously.
had almost been sold to a Turkish prince to be his wife.
In the days before cell phones, she was supposed to pick me up and spend the day together. Bizarrely, she picked up my friend instead. She let him drive, and at one point he bumped into a mailbox and cracked her taillight. The next day, she flat out refused to admit she had been with him, denied it right to his face, and still demanded he replace her taillight.
My son's biological mother constantly tells people who know better the most insane things, like my current girlfriend and I have been together two years and the egg-donor continuously says that she was at the last birthday party, or he saw her for christmas last year, etc. She hasn't seen him once in 3 years and he is 4 years old. She lives in Ohio or Michigan or something. We live in Florida.... Not to mention all the ridiculous "He cheated in court to get custody." Apparently passing drug tests consistently and having an income not earned from street pharmacy is "cheating"
A guy in highschool told once that we usualy rides home in an helicopter. He lived like 1 km from school. Not that that would be the only "problem" in his story, but, you know, 1 km from school.
He was 17 at the time.
Also he once said that his father drove 200 km/h in a dense traffic 50 km/h street with like 150 m.
Family member is a compulsive liar. Every time he gets caught he takes advantage of people from the outside not knowing his tendencies and makes it sound like it's the family that's framing him somehow.
Diseases: He's had cancer, melanoma, HIV and Parkinson's, some of them at the same time. but he got better.
Jobs: He was a priest, a philosopher, and an EU parliament member. Right now claims he's a member of a very wealthy family from Germany, so obviously he doesn't need to work. The truth is that he has never worked a day in his life.
All he really is, is a leech that spins stories for attention.
A friend of mine in High School would always tell stupid stories, usually just things that "totally actually happened" on the internet. But once he said that he was street racing on the backroads of our little country town in his 1990s Oldsmobile. The cops showed up but he outran them, powerslid into someone's driveway and killed his headlights. Got away scott free.
I had a friend who was trying to get into an acting career. The guy did follow courses, but apart from a couple appearances as an extra in a webseries, never had any actual work or audition and had a drinking problem.
Several times he'd lie about having been gone for rehab when really all he did was going back to his parents for a month due to money coming short.
But that wasn't his worst lie. He once tried to convince me that he had gone to Egypt for a week-end to shoot an ad. I was genuinely interested as I believed he wouldn't lie to his best bro at the time, but he just kept on going and making up details as he went and I didn't really have the nerve to challenge him on details and evidence.
Only realised it was a lie when one of the girls he was hitting on told me he gave her the same story just to impress her. it was infuriating and saddening to hear that he was so far up his own ass that he would give me the same lies as to a random girl he was trying to bang.
I worked with this guy who had all these tall tales. He participated in a violent revolution and then faked his own death to get smuggled into the US by his buddies in the navy seals because he saved their lives. He was a platform fighter that had to flee town when his manager and trainer got whacked by the Mob. So many stories that all sounded so fake that nobody took him seriously. Then one day I was over at his house and was in his den and on the wall was a picture of him on the flight deck of an aircraft carrier. He's standing with a bunch of navy seals and he's wearing a fucking navy seal uniform. Beneath the picture is the navy seal dagger that they gave him. I don't know what to believe any more. All the stories could be true.
My brother is a security guard. He called me over one day and said "you see this badge, when they call me in I can set it in the windshield and it will change all of the lights green so I can get there as fast as possible." I just always act impressed because he thinks he needs to lie to sound interesting . Not sure if you should call someone out in these cases or not.
i used to go to school (back in the 90s) with rick smith. rick smith played drums. this is true, as i watched him play drums, pretty well as i recall
well, ozzie osborn wanted rick to play for his band when rick was 4 but his mom wouldn't let him due to his age.
rick smith has jammed with korn on many occasions
rick smith has killed 7 people
rick smith has had sex with 400 women
this is all i can remember off the top of my head, and this was when rick smith was about 14 years old. who knows what crazy adventures rick smith has gotten himself into these past 20 years, but i bet his life is awesome.
When I was a kid I went to camp every summer with another kid who made up all kinds of shit. When we were both 12 he not only told me he had a girlfriend at his school he had sex with on the regular, but that in the past he had had sex with an 18yo, a 19yo, and a 20yo. He said that he had another friend who had a hot sister, and one time the three of them were home alone and they all got naked and hung out for a while without clothes. He once tried to convince me that one of the Backstreet Boys was his cousin. He would also do this annoying thing where he'd make things up to try and get a reaction out of you. Like one time I visited him at his house for a few days, and his dad had to go to work one afternoon, but said that I was free to snack on anything in the kitchen while he was gone. At one point I grab a popsicle out of the freezer and begin to eat it, my friend walks in, and with a very serious tone says "You're not supposed to eat those! You're gonna get in trouble!" I called his bluff and said "Okay, tell your dad when he gets home then." He carried on with it for a little while longer before admitting it was a joke. Like, way longer than it should've been funny for him. He was actually trying to make me believe him at that point. I didn't really see him anymore after about the age of 14 or so, and I sometimes wonder what lies he's telling now that he's an adult and just how many people he's annoyed and alienated with them.
A neighbor we used to have, said he was a General in the Army, a Railroad Engineer, was on the Carol Burnett show, was a Highway Patrolman, and was a lot of other things too. At his funeral we learned, based on the military honors (or lack thereof) he received that he was a private and received a general discharge. That threw into question everything else he said about his life.
My high school "friend" Paul's stories were hilarious.
In the 9th grade, he told us he had hired a 6-bedroom houseboat and was going to take all of his friends on holiday to Sydney and watch the ARIAs from the harbour from this boat. Although we all had to pay him $1,400 or he wasn't going to take us.
The next year, in 10th, he told us he was going to an exclusive meet and greet with Justin Bieber and only he and the prime minister at the time's son were attending. When we asked him about it after the date, he told us they wouldn't let him in because only "retarded kids" were allowed in.
On several occasions, he also tried to tell me he'd received oral sex from my boyfriend, all on nights I had been with him myself. He told me that my boyfriend had snuck away while I slept, walked 5km+ to get to his house, sucked him off, and walked all the way back.
After high school I started working at a local supermarket. One afternoon he came in and told me he was the new regional manager and he was there today to do some inspections on the fresh food departments. I asked him why he wasn't wearing uniform, as he was wearing jeans and a t-shirt. "Oh, they said I don't have to wear uniform, I'm special." Right. I saw him walk out with his mum and some grocery bags a few minutes later.
The next time I saw him (which is also the last time I saw him) was also while I was working at this supermarket. He claimed he was still the regional manager and he'd just been talking to my store manager and he told me my work performance was slipping. When I asked what this meant for me, he told me it was out of his control because this was his last day as a regional manager, because QANTAS had hired him to be a commercial pilot. I asked him how he'd completed all the training to become a pilot and he mumbled some crap about them letting him pass it all because he was just that good.
My other friends accused him of stealing money from their houses when he slept over, and blaming it on his boyfriend (who lived several hundred kilometres away and none of us had ever actually met). Last I heard, he was working as a nurse, although I don't think he's ever completed any training to become a nurse.
Katsda · 2 points · Posted at 13:58:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm a little late to the party, so this will probably get buried, but it's relevant.
Melinda went to my high school. She was a nice enough girl from a distance - very outgoing, very personable. Once you actually got to know her, however, you could never be sure if what she said was true or not.
My favorite story about Melinda is the time she borrowed my phone. She had been going on for an entire summer about the fact that she was seriously ill. She would show up to marching band practices with stories about her most recent medical tests. At one point she sent me a text about how her "Kemotherapy" was going (but her illness was not cancer - the doctors just didn't know what was wrong).
At one of these practices, Melinda came up to me and asked to borrow my phone so she could call her doctor.
I hand it over, because why not, and then I proceed to go sit with some friends.
As I sit with them, I occasionally glance over at Melinda to see where she is and make sure she doesn't take off with my phone. She's right where I left her, leaning up against the wall and animatedly speaking to whoever is on the other end.
Forty-five minutes later, she hangs it up and brings it back to me.
Later that night, something possesses me to check my phone history. Her call to her "doctor" had lasted 14 seconds. The rest of the forty-five minutes were simply her speaking into the phone with no one on the other end.
She didn't ask for my phone again.
A friend in high school was usually pretty cool but would sometimes tell tall tales. On more than one occasion she told one of my stories to our group of friends as her own. I guess she had forgotten where she heard them and adopted them as her own.
Someone I used to work with claimed that he was a professional MMA fighter sponsored by Monster. He said that he really didn't need this job since he made $1500 every hour. He also had a bone deficiency and ulcers.
Another person who I used to work with claimed to have knocked over 30 motorcycles and then fought the 30 bikers and won. When he told that story another co-worker chimed in saying, "I've played Grand Theft Auto, too." When told that he had left his trucks lights one day, he said that his truck didn't run off of the battery. It ran off the alternator instead. He ran out to his truck real fast when someone explained to him how alternators work.
I had a boss once who told us he had a doctorate from The University of Liverpool in Ancient Languages. He also said he was a combat decorated Vietnam vet, a true crime novelist and finally a former NASA scientist. Each lie would appear about two months after the last one. We had figured out he was a pathological liar but still were surprised to find out the business he owned and where we worked was engaged in massive fraud. Then we all quit.
My friend will do virtually anything to get out of driving somewhere. This one particular lie really made me laugh. He claimed that on his way home from school, he had to steer almost in a ditch in order to avoid a raccoon. His knee was quote on quote “hurting him” and made him unfit to drive. He even began to rant that his car got a little damage from it. Fast forward the next day, his gf lives on my friends street and I happen to drive by and see that his car was there, in mint condition…
I knew a guy who made shit up that wasn't even believable under any circumstances. Off the top of my head:
Lived in Japan for several years, spoke the language fluently, mastered several martial arts, but let himself go and forgot everything shortly after coming back to the states.
Claimed that he couldn't visit certain cities in the area because the local gangs had it out for him. In a pretty rural region where the largest city is 20,000 people (plus another 10K when students are around) that one's a pretty touch sell.
Would get "drunk" off of one or two wine coolers and dramatically weep while yelling things like "WHY'D YOU MAKE ME KILL HIM, DAD?"
Claimed that he could animate the dead. This lead to someone calling him on it out of sheer boredom and a pathetic scene of a fat, greasy idiot wandering around a cemetery, chanting gibberish, and waving his arms about elaborately. When nothing crawled out of the ground, he said that bad spirits were in the area and he couldn't continue.
I was about 7-8 and my friend would just make shit up.
One time, he told me that his uncle is an inventor and that he'd made a robot that looks exactly like my friend. The next day, he comes to school and tells me he's not my friend, he's the robot as my friend wanted to stay home.
Also, his family visited Saudi Arabia quite often back then and he told me that every time he went, he'd visit the "Cave of Wonders" from Aladdin.
While we were still married, my ex used to tell women online that I'd died giving birth to our youngest. One of them sent a huge box of designer clothes for the kids in the mail. That's how I found out.
She transferred to our expensive private college my 2nd year. She looked no older than 20, was dorky, a little heavy, and otherwise unremarkable. But oh we were so lucky to grace her presence because:
1) She was an opera singer who had travelled across Europe and tickets to her show were hundreds of dollars (note I didn't say euros.)
2) Former professional dancer who performed on Broadway and somehow ran her own studio inbetween classes.
3) On the super duper deans list honor role of the ever prestigious Southwestern University located in Georgetown, Texas (enrollment 1,500 & barely cracks the top 200 universities in America.)
4) Apparently had dated princes and young up and coming celebrities as part of her traveling arts work.
5) Was a model and had worked at [insert popular breasturant.]
Of course as you might have guessed, none of it was true. She couldn't carry a tune, had trouble learning & performing the Two-Step, failed out our school before the semester was over, was insecure & 'liked' any guy who was remotely nice to her, and naturally did not fit the model/ skimpy restaurant profile.
Up to that point I knew damaged pathological liars existed, I was just surprised she had managed to bullshit her way into our university.
Tl;dr: first experience with pathological liar in college.
My best friend seems to always find himself working regular college kid jobs that give him 23/hour, paid gas and vehicle wear on his personal car and insane overtime for every minute after 5pm he works.
I have a friend who thinks everything on her body is natural. She wears purple lipstick and says it is her real lips, She dies her hair red and purple and says she was born with it, and has long acrylic nails that she believes are actually her nails (she gets them done all of the time).
I had a roommate in college, who I also went to high school with. She told two of our mutual friends from back home that she had stomach cancer, and that she was going out of town all the time for chemo treatments, surgeries, had less than 6 months left to live, the whole 9. The entire time she was telling our mutual friends not to tell me (because I lived with her and would've known it was a lie). Turns out the girlfriend of one of our mutual friends felt like her story was fishy, and went to the girls house and work at times when she said that she was getting cancer treatments and saw her car there and talked to her boss about when she had been at work. She told her boyfriend about it, and then they ended up calling me and filling me in about what she had been saying, which I was able to confirm as lies since I knew what she was really doing during those times. We ended up talking to her mom about it, to get to the bottom of everything (and clearly the girl needed help). Then we had an "intervention" with the girl and confronted her about everything. Biggest lie ever.
Scene: my mom, grandma and myself had just gotten back from visiting Italy. In this visit we toured the Vatican- it was our first visit and we were excitedly telling aunt Jane about the trip.
We just barely begin telling her how amazing it was when aunt Jane interrupts and launches into the most insane story:
Her: "my minister was touring South America with the pope last year when, at an outdoor market, they found a wooden wheel. The pope tells her minister wow that's a great wheel we should buy that. So the pope buys it. Well a few months later the minister calls the pope and casually asks about the wheel. Well the pope was incredibly upset and tells the minister that the wheel was in the basement of the Vatican and it got water damaged! "Oh no!" Said the minister. The pope is very upset and doesn't know what to do, how can he fix it? Well the minister says I know someone who can fix that, JANE! The pope is obviously so grateful he ships the wheel to Detroit Michigan, to have JANE fix it. The minister brings the wheel to Jane and she fixes it quickly and sends it back to the pope. Well a few weeks later Jane gets a call from the POPE- and he is so grateful:
The phone call:
He says "Jane thank you so much! Can I pay you for your work?"
"No" says Jane
"Can I give you anything?"
"No" says Jane
"I must do something for you Jane you've helped me so much!"
"Pray for me" says Jane
My mom my grandma and I were all kicking each other under the table and could barely contain how absolutely hilarious this bullshit was. We still bring it up when we need a good laugh!
It is worth mentioning that I am familiar with the incredible difficulty of art restoration, I was studying art abroad in Italy and briefly got a taste for this challenging field. My aunt Jane is not an artist nor is she trained in art restoration. She is just a nutter butter who likes those acrylics that come in the bottle at the craft store and thinks that attempting poor color matching on chipped plates is the same as art restoration.
One time in chemistry class in high school, we had a small break, so I was looking for a deck of cards to play a quick game with some friends. I remember the known school liar speaking up saying he had a special deck in his bag, but he did not want to get them out since they were expensive (apparently these cards had a gold coating to them...). He has told so many lies at this point, 100% this was a lie.
I knew an adult who pretended to be Scottish for 2 years. Fake accent, fake hometown, fake last name....When people would ask me about him, I'd tell the truth and he'd get pissed about it.
Char10 · 2 points · Posted at 14:26:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When I was in 3rd grade, I was very into Pokémon. The bus ride to school took almost an hour, so I would talk to a kid in 2nd grade who was also into Pokémon. We would talk about the different kinds we encountered on our quest to catch em' all.
Well I liked to tell "fish stories", because I thought it was funny to mess with this kid. I once told him that if he were to visit the cemetary in Lavendar Town and walk around a specific grave three times, a mew-two would appear! That poor kid told me he spent hours trying to do it at home, and even brought his gameboy on the bus one day for me to try it out. After explaining to him that only some cartridges had the special easter egg (which he bought) I later that week let him have one of my pikachu coins. I'm sorry for lying Corey!!!
okay so not one specific story, but rather a multitude of lies that could not have in any fucking universe been true, or exist in the same timeline. This guy seemed normal when i first started working with him, albeit rough around the edges, and after a few months some stuff that he told me just really didn't add up. So in his timeline of his early life he:
-graduated from University of Texas with his masters in Engineering
-also owned his own motorcycle custom shop, grossing around a million bucks a year.
-was married and had multiple cigar boats
-was thrown in jail for 2 years in Morocco
-smuggled drugs from Texas to Louisiana regularly
and all of this from a guy working at a vape shop in small town Virginia....and we all knew he was from a town about 20 miles away....because he was in the yearbook of the high school that we all knew he went too about 20 years ago.
A young man rolled into town and started hanging out at the bar where I work. He told everyone he had been in the army and lost a leg in Iraq. He even had a story about how hard it was to get the army to pay for his prosthesis. A few people, actually ex-army, began to suspect that he was full of shit because he didn't know some terms that are apparently common military parlance. But what clinched it was when the weather started to get warmer and he came around wearing shorts. Two completely intact legs, no prosthesis.
Edit: Same guy fled town because he had promised a few people he would fix their iPhones. He took off with the phones and their money, prompting some scary dudes to show up at his former residence and harass his ex-gf. (Lovely, responsible, intelligent woman - still have no idea what she saw in him.)
A few months later I see him on Grindr. He claimed he just downloaded it so he could give it an honest rating in the Apple store.
I'm a compulsive liar during job interviews. "So... it says here you double majored in cardiovascular surgery and rocket science? Hm... Are you sure you want a job here at Costco?"
That the cyber sex she was having with a woman online was a "Writing exercise". I'd discovered this a few weeks after our honeymoon. She sent this woman postcards during the trip.
That when I snapped(after her lying during couples counselling) and walked out on her and left the house (which I paid 100% of the rent on), that I'd told her to get her stuff out in 2 days. I'd in fact said a month or more was fine and she'd said she would do it over the weekend because the house had too many memories.
My ex-wife said in the middle of mediation that I'd arranged the mail so that she would get served with her divorce papers on her birthday. When I got home I checked the date and I'd in fact mailed her the papers 4 days after her birthday because I'd realised it wouldn't be nice to receive them then.
I still apologised on the day of financial mediation for that last one because it was months in the past and I didn't have the documents in front of me. She got 60% of the assets. I must say, she's either extremely delusional or a shrewd negotiator. My lawyer had said to me "Do you want this fair or do you want this fast? Because you can have either, but only one will get your closure quickly". I gave her the majority of my retirement savings after being married just 2 years plus one year seperation.
Kid in my class said his uncle worked at Sony and he got PS3 beta version at his house but wouldn't let anyone see it or come over. This was in 2005 btw
there was this guy at school (senior year, he was 19 I think) who always told the most ridiculous stories.
-he rode on the back of an ICE (high speed train) with inline skates (how is that even supposed to work?)
-he broke into an old chemical factory with his clique when they ran into a secret mafia lair (in fucking munich lol). his girlfriend got shot by the mafiosi and died in his arms
-one day he said that he was about to get 100k€ because he got hit by a Porsche on his way to school (looked perfectly normal though, didn't even come late)
-he had a brain tumor and lost his ability to feel pain (he might have regretted that one, but damn was he commited to it)
last time I met him he was working at a hardware shop after he got thrown out of the military because he always went on one-man missions as he wanted to save as many people as possible but his commander was a coward
Someone I knew in middle school seemed pretty cool. We were pretty close, until around 10th grade, when I sat next to her in chemistry. She spent the whole class lying about this, lying about that; the most memorable was that her family was from Italy and she moved in 8th grade knowing no English (someone called her out because they were in elementary school with her and also her English was perfect)
But the damning moment was when a guy a year younger than us committed suicide. He was in ROTC, and was close to everyone in there.
Well, she was (at one point) in ROTC, and was invited to his funeral out of goodwill. At the funeral, she got up and made a speech. During this speech, she cried and cried about him, saying "he was my boyfriend, and the love of my life!"
About a week later, somebody kicked her ass for that lie, because you don't lie about the dead, man. That's the ultimate trashy.
She also spent all of high school crying about cutting herself, and she admitted to me in privacy that it was all for attention and she didn't mean it. Way to glorify mental illness brah
Had a former friend tell the story of an intimate moment with 2 ladies after a New Year's Eve concert. The only problem was that it happened to me. Dude didn't even wait until the night was over to start bragging. I had mutual friends telling me about it before I was even home the next day.
He'd regularly beat the shit out of his dad for minor trespasses like coming in his room or taking a tone with him.
He was a programming genius despite failing all his computer classes.
He was a karate master. What is it with compulsive liars and martial arts? This was later proved patently false when he got into a fight, took one clumsy swing, missed, and virtually exploded his fist against a stucco wall. Blood everywhere, fight over. Wore a cast for the rest of the semester. Later talked about breaking his arm from beating the shit out of the guy.
The best was he had a wife but she died in the 9/11 attacks. Jared was 17 tops when he told us this one. Meaning he was married sometime between 13 and 14 to be widowed in 2001.
Stood by every lie.
wuzart · 2 points · Posted at 15:10:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have a cousin who is an overall great guy, but is prone to exaggerating stories. The problem is, each time he tells the story, his embellishments get slightly more removed from reality until we have an outrageous lie on our hands. Even worse, he seems to have convinced himself of the latest version of each story and will go to blows defending them.
Once when we were kids, he got stung by a bee. Quickly realizing he was allergic (his arm blew up like a balloon in a Louisiana street hooker's mouth), his parents rushed him to the hospital. He was out of commission for a couple of days but when he returned, he insisted that the bee sting did 'weird' things to him. It started with a hypersensitivity to the presence of bees, and later he gained a very sensitive sense of smell. A few weeks later, he claimed to be able to see things in infrared, "just like bees do". By the time the lie was fully blown, he had claim to a "near flying, floating ability" that really helped his basketball game.
10 years later, he is still committed to this version of the events, albeit his downgrades his powers a bit. He is still terrible at basketball.
TL;DR: Cousin got stung by a bee, claims to be BEEMAN.
God this guy I use to talk to in Boston was the biggest B/Ser ever. From his job "Oh I had to go stay down with this really rich family in Brazil to investigate one of their insurance claims" to how he was so good at Skiing "He had been picked for the American team for the Winter Olympics but couldn't cause he fell."
Chris if you're reading this, you're insane.
I met a guy in college who used to lie about friends that had died in his past for sympathy. None of them were real. He lied about going to class, about what drugs he was using, where he was going, etc. He stole my friends car once in the middle of the night and lost it (lol I know) and it took us over a week of driving around every day to find it even though he was in the car trying to help us and he knew where it was the whole time. Literally there are so many stories of this guy but that's enough for now.
I know a guy, calls himself Frisbee, claims he was abducted by aliens.
He said they had no concept of lying, so they thought he was the greatest human in the world from all the stories he told about himself. He claims they communicated telepathically and he defeated them with his harmonica.
So Matt was obviously the richest most powerful person you ever met based off his stories. Want to join the army? Matt did in 6th grade because he was so strong(told us in 11th). Building a computer? He built a plasma super computer that's so powerful he cant play skyrim on it. Want to practice karate? Who the fuck do you think invented it? Matt.
So one day in computer class a friend is telling me about how he's going to only cut magic trees in runescape the next few levels in woodcutting so he can have more gp. Matt, only hearing part of the story says. "You never cut a tree before? Few weeks ago i cut a tree with a rusty dull axe. The tree was about 20 feet in diameter. We were going to use a chainsaw, but it broke the day before because it knew how dangerous this was."
But the story that takes the cake, was how he told us he is a wanted criminal in Europe but takes his private jet to Europe under the disguise as a prince, and that he'll be gone the next few weeks of school so he can try to become a king of Europe.
So he's actually out of school for about a week before another classmate finds out where Matt lives. In an apartment complex half a mile away from school. They found this out because Matt was outside on a trampoline. My friend Chris wanted to go see Matt just to point out he's a liar, I was invited to go but turned it down.
According to my friend, Matt's mom answered the door and Chris said he was worried because Matt hasn't been in school for a while . Matt's mom explained that she bought him a new 360 and he wanted to take time away to play it since he's an all A student. Chris just rolled with it and left.
Matt isn't an all A student, he was failing very badly. Chris confronted Matt about the 360 when Matt came back to school, and Matt claimed the yearly ball was canceled because the German Emperor was sick, and they gave him a 360 as a token of appreciation for marrying the princess.
I was friends with this girl in elementary school, and it was around the time that the movie for Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets was being filmed.
She insisted that she was cast as Stephanie, Hermione's younger sister. My friend and I pointed out that Hermione doesn't have a sister in the books, and the girl insisted, "The role was written in for the movie, so I'm going to be in it."
We were still friends when the movie came out. I think she said that she couldn't take time away from school to film, so they took the Stephanie role back out of the movie.
I know an actual sociopath (diagnosed and confirmed). You can't believe a word out of her mouth. Even the little things are lies. She got found out at 24 when she had sex with a 15-year-old boy, so she said he raped her. She got caught messing around on her boyfriend awhile back and when he kicked her out she called someone to come pick her up. When they asked what happened, she said that he beat her up (not a mark on her, people). When she lost her children because she disappeared for a week and a half and was doing (and possibly selling) drugs, she adamantly denied doing drugs. When the drug test confirmed the presence of prescription medications and meth, she said someone must have "put it in her drink."
One by one they aren't all that outlandish. After about 10 years of knowing her, though, and knowing that EVERYTHING she says is a lie, her very existence becomes outlandish.
During a corrections academy run by our local sheriffs department, we had a guy in there with an obvious screw loose. We kept trying to get the lieutenant to deal with him and do some serious background searches beyond what was already done.
My favorite two lies are the only two I really remember. We were standing around during a break smoking, before graduation. The kids last name is Williams. He started talking about his uncle Robin. Apparently Robin Williams was his uncle and he was trying to get him to come to the graduation but Uncle Robin could not make it due to being on vacation in Wisconsin. About 5 minutes later, someone mentioned England or kings and queens, and he pipes up with "My cousin is married to a princess in england" We all just stop and look to see what the fuck he is going to say about this. I go "Oh you mean Sarah" (I am clueless with english royalty, just said the first fucking name I could think of) "Yeah" He says. So your cousin is Prince Andrew"? "YES! he says, you know him?" poor kid was so delusional, he didn't even look the least bit concerned that he wouldn't be believed. It was pretty disturbing. It was my only experience with someone who had an obvious mental issue and was a complete pathological liar.
A girl in my secondary school says she doesn't need to study for GCSEs because she's going to become a professional dancer. This is the same girl who says she had sex with Justin Bieber.
I live in the UK, and some kid in my school told me he went to Australia for the weekend (flew on Saturday, got the plane back on Sunday).
Same kid also told us he'd been bowling for 24 years when we were only 8, and also told everyone that his mum had cancer. It wouldn't have been that bad if it weren't for the fact that my mum had died from cancer a few years earlier and the mother of another friend was being treated for cancer at that time.
I met a dude who told me over a 2-week span that he had half-ownership of a pizzeria, a head shop, was a 9-ball championship player, dominated softball, was a member of the #1 Call of Duty team in America, and had three Purple Hearts after being one of the first four soldiers to enter Iraq prior to the Iraqi War. I knew he was full of shit, but he confirmed it when he said he was a sniper. What kind of sniper gets hurt three times? Anyway, nothing he said was true.
George was clearly battling with being gay in a small countryside town and decided his way to cope was to make up fantastic stories.
George flew to NYC, George reached for the same bag as Paris Hilton and she took him to a party. George met the Olsen twins and became their friends.
All fine. All harmless....until George had a particularly bad day.
George was crying about something teenage- esque (maybe someone laughed at his emo fringe, I don't know) and when pressed about it, George told us that his mother had DIED that morning from cancer. God, it was awful- poor George. Everyone rallied around him.
Until the end of the day when his mum picked him up from school. Huh.
So, in college, I took Japanese Language studies for a few years. Around our third year, the class size had dwindled to a handful of students.
There was this one Russian kid, whose name I can't remember, who always had some grand story to tell.
From the time he'd murdered a man, to how he was the heir to the Russian Mafia. He was also highly trained in just about every from of weapon-based combat. He could focus his chi and punch you with it from 8 ft away. He was constantly tired from his all-nighters drinking with the mafia and playing Russian Roulette.
The poor professor, some 5'2" old Japanese lady, was always so afraid to call on him in class, because he would derail any and all conversation for a good 10 minutes.
She even asked me and my friend to walk with her after class to her car, because he followed her (seemingly harmlessly) all the way into the parking lot while telling her a story about his weapon training.
Dude was straight mental, but that didn't really stop anyone from giving him a VERY wide berth. We would always roll our eyes, but he was just creepy enough that nobody wanted to call him out on his bluff.
I've got a customer who I and my dad have done a lot of work for over the years. He got to be friends with my dad, and he is one of the worst. He's seemingly indestructible. He has:
- Fought off a pack of wolves
- Jumped out of an airplane and had his chute not open. ("That was the third time the doctors told me I'd never walk again...")
- Had MANY threesomes with gorgeous women, despite being a homely, overweight, middle-aged ginger.
- Waged a one-man war against a 1% biker gang.
- Was nearly paralyzed in a skiing accident. The doctors claimed his survival was "nothing short of a miracle".
I let the best friend I had back in the 7th grade borrow a snap on HIM bracelet to wear.He kept it a very long time, he finally brought it back to school, and he told me he found it on a log floating in the river. Heading toward Nashville. We live 4 hours away from Nashville.
A few years ago, when we were still in high school, our entire school district's net work went down. He claimed to have been part of the team of hackers that took it down.
These days, whenever anyone I know sees him, he seems to have a different job, such as
Working at the courts writing warrants with a six-digit salary.
Having offers from both Boeing and Airbus.
Something to do with the military. We're not even sure he'll be able to pass any psych exams for the military.
slow70 · 2 points · Posted at 16:08:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This guy got worse and worse over the years....
In high school he lied about meeting random girls on the weekend. Of course we never saw any of them.
Fast forward a little over a year and he (D) along with myself and another friend (G) had all joined the Army. We came from an Army town, Fort Bragg, and all three of us came back there. D was in the National Guard and G was training to become a Green Beret, an honor he later earned.
I come home after training which was a little over a year long for my job, and mutual friends ask me if I had seen him. 'He just got back from Afghanistan - he was deployed with 7th Special Forces Group' I hear.
Woah, ok. I meet him and he doesn't even try to hide it his lie. Says he went on with it to impress people. A few months later, he asks if he can swing by my place and when he does, he shows up wearing the maroon beret of the airborne, jump wings and an 82nd Airborne patch on his shoulder.
Now, I was actually in the 82nd. I knew this was fucked, yet he went on to tell me he was 'temporarily assigned to the 82nd while he went to physical therapy for a back injury he got in basic training.'
So here he is, boldly lying to someone in the unit he's trying to claim, who knows he hasn't earned those wings and knows that isn't how medical appointments work. I shrug it off and go another several months without seeing him.
Next time G and I both hear from him. He wants to meet up, saying he has big news. We meet for drinks and he tells us he's has a daughter. He shows us a few pictures on MySpace and saps on for a bit. We ask about the Mom, her last name, he doesn't know it. So he doesn't know his daughters full name. He wasn't in the hospital either. Ok dude. We find this girls page on MySpace, it's someone states away that he doesn't even know.
Once again, G and I roll out eyes and move on with our lives without the guy.
Two years later and all three of us have Iraq deployments under our belt. G and I in Northern Iraq working within the SOF community and D all the way South in Basra.
Basra at this point was very calm, up north the same couldn't be said. So imagine our surprise when D starts telling us about laying out on an Observation Post dueling with an enemy sniper. We know he was a freaking mechanic working in some motor pool the whole time. Even so, he pushes all this bullshit about combat to one stone cold killer and one who spent his deployment working with them. It was flat out disgusting and G was getting closer and closer to snapping on the guy. We let him talk himself in circles though, he knew we weren't buying it and he knew he had offended, but he kept trying, kept digging.
That might have been 2009. We haven't talked to him since.
He's probably at some VFW now spewing his nonsense.
My friend always acts like he knows certain video games (mostly csgo) and will describe a story that couldn't happen in the game (like a guy going prone)
My ex fiance was a compulsive liar, when I broke up with him I asked him outright why he felt the need to lie and tell these over the top stories all the time. He acknowledged that he did it but didn't know why. Anyway! The most absurd lie he told!
One day while he was hanging out with our circle of friends while I was at work he told everyone he met a guy while out racing in the river bottom who was a famous bike builder, he was so impressed with my ex that he called him up one night to test out the guys bikes. The rich bike builder sent out a helicopter to pick my ex up and fly him out to the location, he tested the bikes and the helicopter flew him back home, all of this while I was asleep and didn't hear the helicopter. I sleep like a rock but I'm pretty sure I'd wake up for a helicopter landing in the back field. Our friends didn't believe it and tried to catch him in the lie, they were out in the river bottom too, why didn't they ever see this rich bike builder? Who was he? What was his company's name? How come RedditsInBed2 doesn't know about this? Why didn't you tell her? Why wasn't she allowed to come along? Why doesn't she know anything about this guy? Why didn't the helicopter wake her up? He just kept on building the lie with absurd answers.
I had no clue about this until after we seperated and I was hanging out with those friends one night. They asked me if any of it was true, I laughed my ass off, no, absolutely not. Definitely one of the more interesting lies he had ever told.
My college roommate was a dangerous combination of stupid and narcissistic, he had a lot of ludicrous, obviously-terrible ideas. My favourite story of his was 'a guy tried to mug me once, so I beat him up, carved my initials into the back of his hand, and mugged him back'. Suuuure you did.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 16:19:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had a friend in high school that had a habit of making people up. She had a "brother" who was in the army and she would make up dramatic, heartbreaking stories about him. Something always seemed to happen to him, like he got into a few car accidents, or hiked up mountain and broke his back somehow, to name a few. Keep in mind I was a close friend, I've met her family and been in her home. Never seen any trace of this guy, no pictures or anything. She only ever seemed to mention him when another incident occured, likely to get attention from all the pain she was going through when her imaginary brother was in the hospital.
Dropped off her son with his father and myself at a young age - claiming that she was having a radical hysterectomy and lymphadenectomy with accompanying radiation and chemo due to advanced cervical cancer. Did not want the child to see her suffering and sick. Subsequently posted selfies in bed with new boyfriend to flickr, had another child a few years later.
I used to work with this guy who would always tell the craziest stories that just didn't add up. For instance his stories of Desert Storm. He would have been about 7 years old.
One story he told was about someone breaking into his house one night and how he stabbed the intruder several times and then held him down while the cops got there. When his wife came in to take him to lunch someone mentioned the intrusion to her and his eyes got real big and as explained that she had no idea that that had happened.
But here's my favorite of his stories. "Man you wouldn't believe what happened last night. I got home from work and as I was about to walk in the door, my neighbors house exploded."
"Like exploded how?"
"Like it exploded man. It took my car out and everything. You think you could give me a ride home after work today."
"Sure man."
So when I drop him off I'm like "So which house was it man?" He says "what? Ugh, oh. Nah man that was a day's ago they got it all fixed up now."
Turns out his wife had just left him and took the car. No idea where the explosion story derived from.
This girl I was friends with in middle school told me that the mother she was living with wasn't her real mom, but a foster mom she was placed with since her real mother died in child birth. When asked why she doesn't live with her dad, it was because her dad had a car dropped on his head in the war in Iraq and couldn't keep her. The problem was that her mother was best friends with another girl in our friends groups mom...so the whole story was fake.
A few years later she had said she was going to move with her dad. But again when confronted a week later by someone saying that her dad wasn't supposed to have her, she made up this CRAZY story about her stepmom tried to kill her and her dad and then ran away from the cops and wasn't caught so she couldn't move with her dad but they might both have to go into witness protection (which never happened).
Classmate stole my friend's notes and scanned them or someshit, they were EXACTLY the same as my friend's; when confronted about it insisted that my friend's computer had been hacked and his notes were online, when asked for proof the link from the interwebz had misteriously disappeared... Fuck liars.
He told me that if I shoot every credit in the 1p mode of Super Smash Bros Melee that I could unlock Toad. He claimed to have done it before and when we confronted him about it he was all like "Ooooh my file got deleted hurp durp"
I've known two in my life, one in high school and one in college. High school liar was diagnosed, college liar wasn't. The one with a diagnosis was much better at it - his stories were almost believable... Even knowing he was a compulsive liar, I often found myself going "...maybe this one is real?" Some of his stories included:
His parents' (high end) neighborhood had tire spikes that came up at night and lowered when a sensor detected a radio tag on residents' cars - I actually checked this one, because it seemed just believable
Claimed that he was afraid of snakes because he'd fallen into a snake exhibit at a zoo as a child
Claimed that his father had bought him an M3 and constantly came up with reasons why he wasn't driving it that day - it was in the shop, or his dad was borrowing it, etc. His parents were rich enough that it was plausible; he actually did drive a Land Rover hand-me-down from his dad. Never saw the M3 in years knowing him.
Claimed that his uncle molested him and turned him gay, but he "got better" before high school by basically trying really hard to stop being gay. I think he was actually gay, which naturally isn't a super easy thing to be in high school, so it makes sense that he'd want to lie about this somehow, but I also think the uncle wasn't real, let alone the molestation story.
The second compulsive liar I knew was a girl, not diagnosed, who I was friends with for a long time before gradually realizing that I was quite literally putting myself at risk by being friends with her. In roughly chronological order, her lies included:
That she and I were dating; we had eaten dinner in our college cafeteria together a couple of times, after which she began to tell a lot of people that we were together. I actually did have a bit of a crush on her, but that behavior scared me off.
Related, that I had dumped her after I denied being her boyfriend to a few people who asked me about it. What I was telling people was that I kind of liked her, but I'd only spent time with her a few times so it was far from a relationship. She spun this into me making her a lot of promises and saying a lot of things that were flatly untrue. 99% of this happened outside my point of view; she pretended like nothing was going on until I asked her about it, then got very defensive, accused me of being a liar, emotional abuse, etc.
She became obsessed with the idea of being sexually assaulted after a friend of hers was actually sexually assaulted, and started putting herself in situations where it might happen - getting drunk, hitting on random people, etc, then dropping hints later implying that someone had taken advantage of her. She'd never come out and say it, but she caused a constant shitstorm of rumors and suspicion.
Claiming that some guy had slept with her and then acted callous toward her the next day, or lied about her, or etc. A lot of the stories were fishy or didn't line up with where people actually were at the time she claimed something happened, but we were all drinking a lot at the time, so her credibility never quite got low enough for people to stop believing her.
If someone did something she didn't like, she'd lie about them to try and hurt them. In my case, I told her she needed to leave a party of mine because she'd had way too much to drink and was doing things that were putting her at risk, so she told a female friend of mine that I had been going around claiming that I'd made out with said female friend, effectively ending that friendship. She did the same sort of thing to several people, and there were always enough people ready to believe her - or at least unwilling to accept that anyone would commit so seriously to a total lie - that she got away with a lot.
My buddy told me he got into a fight with someone who he's hated for years, got pushed into a bush where he found a pair of brass knuckles, and proceeded to beat the crap out the other guy.
I knew the other guy and he never had any signs of being in a fight with someone with brass knuckles, and why would they be in a random bush.
Just got told yesterday that he had a friend do a meat lovers challenge and eat a whole Lazy Moon pizza with 3 inches of meat toppings on it. To my knowledge this doesn't exist, not does anyone who can eat that much pizza without exploding.
My fellow Central Floridian understand.
His lies greatly disrespected Lazy Moon and our love for their pizza.
fire_i · 2 points · Posted at 16:49:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
So this concerns someone whose stories were by no means as bad as those you find in the rest of the thread. Still, he did this one thing I and many of my friends found so utterly brazen, we still talk about it to this day.
There is this one guy I'd known since high school - cool dude, we sat next to each other in grade 11 physics class (grade 11 being the last year of high school where I live) and got along well. Soon enough, he started hanging around my "main" group of friends somewhat regularly between classes. I'll call him J.
Turns out most of my friends from high school, including J, ended up going to the same college. A fair amount of people from the same school also ended up going to the same place, but our social group was the largest one to make it through mostly "unbroken". As a result, a lot of people who went to the same high school as us, but whom we didn't know so well before, ended up joining us in social circles, bonding over our shared past. Soon enough, our "group" was large enough that we numbered in the high-20's. There'd always be at least a handful of us sitting at this one table in the cafeteria, and we all started spending considerable amounts of time just hanging around the place.
This is when we started to notice something odd about J. He had always been pretty boastful, but it didn't seem too weird when it was just he and our small group of friends. Sure, he'd always have slightly better grades, watch all the shows, beat the games faster than anyone else, go out with the best girl, have the best summer plans. But we were all a bunch of nerd kids... maybe he was just a better nerd kid. That happens.
But in college, as we sat at The Table, it quickly became apparent that J's one-up stories couldn't all be true. We all went to our own different classes, our group now contained people with vastly different interests and lifestyles, and yet it seemed J continuously did what every single other person ever did - but better somehow. He pretended to understand everyone's subject matters better than they did, and his life outside college was apparently an endless series of outstanding events. We caught on in no time, but sort of tolerated his BS since, really, he was a nice guy.
But over time, he got bolder in having to be best at everything. If someone came to college wearing a tie, he'd wear a suit the next day. If someone complained they slept poorly last night, then you can be sure he had pulled an all-nighter. If someone got drunk last weekend, he had gotten drunker. And if someone has a new girlfriend, just wait 'til you see his - but she's busy, so no she can't be around.
We started to get tired of his constant need to be in the spotlight, to be number 1. But we all coped with it - it all was just words, after all. Until the pencil box incident.
In my early college days, I picked up drawing and started doodling regularly at The Table. Just a pastime. At some point, I bought myself a nice little box of 8 graphite pencils - you know, the kind with different hardness. Nothing fancy: just the basics.
That day, The Table was brimming with people. I was happily doodling away, and J sat down in front of me.
"Whatcha' doing there, fire_i?"
"Hi J. Oh, you know, just doodling away."
"You know, I used to draw too. I was a really talented expressionist. I stopped to focus on my studies, but I'd like to pick it up again."
"Hmm, sure, J."
At which point J fell oddly silent. He stared at me for a moment. I could almost see the gears turning in his head, the intense internal debate raging. Finally, he silently got up and left. I found that a little odd, but whatever. Some other people noticed he looked flustered, but didn't comment on it beyond that.
We all stuck around for a while longer, just doing our usual bantering or playing card games, having good ol' Table fun. After about a half hour, J came back... carrying with him the most ridiculously oversized, expensive box of high grade art supplies I've ever seen. It was any poor college art student's dream supply box, complete with all the most obscure, specialized drawing tools. Need I mention J was a physics student who had never expressed any kind of artistic inclination beforehand?
He sat down before us and started wildly scratching away at lined paper with a random pencil of his choosing as The Table collective slowly fell into a stunned silence.
We watched him furiously hacking away at his paper like a madman in a horror movie. After a minute of side glances and did he really just's, he looks up, shoves his "drawing" forward with a genuine look of delight on his face, and proudly proclaims he's done.
It's just random scribbles.
He then gets up, packs his $160 pencil set (which we'd never see again) and leaves. You see, our college had an arts program, so the in-campus store was pretty stocked with arts supplies. And that day, J suddenly decided he needed to back up his words. As you might expect, his "drawings" never came up again.
Soon enough, many people graduated and "The Table" dissolved. J vanished into the urban jungle and I've lost contact with him.
I raise my glass to you, J. You didn't tell us of hypno-dog fighting rings or supersoldier alien semen, but would those other guys actually physically try to prove their bullshit, spending $160 for no reason in the process? You bet they wouldn't. You had the guts to follow up your lies. That's commitment.
I knew a guy who supposedly had this absurdly successful YouTube/Machinima career. This was back in 7th/8th grade, and I had a YT channel with ~300 subs that I was really proud of. He tries to one-up me by saying such gems as:
He had a world record speedrun of Portal 2.
He'd collaborated with a lot of popular Machinima channels.
When I asked his channel name, he told me it was Ssundee.
Using a voice changer, he sung parts of BrySi's songs.
I knew a guy in high school that swore he was getting an apartment with "the Russians." Not some Russians, it was THE Russians, according to him. He later claimed they then had gotten angry with him and chased he and his friends down the interstate at 120 MPH with a huge spotlight trained on their car.
Same guy also claimed he had bought a katana from his uncle, and then later murdered his uncle with said sword because he owed him a large amount of money for the sword.
That while he was in the woods (by himself lol) he ran into a bear and wrestled him to the ground. He then proceeded to shoot him and keep his fur. I've never been to his house because I avoid his existence altogether, but seriously?
ans933 · 2 points · Posted at 16:56:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My sister is a compulsive liar, but often about stupid, small things that you can easily verify. My favorite was when she was staying with my mom the summer after freshman year at college - she complained that my mom was keeping the house too hot and had put a lockbox over the thermostat. I thought that was a little funny/crazy of my mom and called her out on it - apparently there was no lockbox. Why lie about something so dumb?
On a more annoying note - she likes to take stories in which she threw a tantrum or overreacted to something, but then say it was someone else. So she's aware that she was the ridiculous one in this story and wanted to tell the story, but just changed the main character. Unfortunately, a lot of these tantrums are a bit legendary and we all know who starred in them originally. Silly.
I had a friend who sprouted B.S. for a past time to make himself look good. It never worked.
He once told me a story that could have been believable had he ended it with his first few sentences.
Story: His dad (whom he never knew or met, incidentally) was abusive and a serious drug user, and had hit his mother several time when not busy getting higher than the clouds. Now he decided that enough was enough, so he took his bicycle and rode to the police station to report this abusive, druggie father.
I could've believed the story if it had ended there. It didn't.
So then once he reports his Kite-flying high father, he led the police to his house. On his bicycle. Yeah... no.
Then once the police had arrived at his home, the had offered him a bullet-proof vest (He didn't even know what Kevlar was) and a gun. Yeaaaahh Riiight... and he said (get this) no thanks. Yep, just like a scrub- erm I mean boss.
The the police raided the house, non-fatally shot daddy and arrested him for domestic violence, possession of illegal drugs and finally assault with a deadly weapon.
He could really spin a tale. Too bad he could never make a believable one.
CoDent · 2 points · Posted at 16:56:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This kid Brendan stole my friends PSP back when it was still relevant. He denied it and said he bought it off someone for $40. Eventually, shortly after a camping trip we all took, he said he felt bad that my friend lost his PSP and that he could have the PSP that he recently "bought for $40". One of many lies, but one that me and my friend still talk about to this day.
My friend once swore on his grandmother's grave that he has gone into the locker room to get a cleat signed by a famous soccer player. About a week later on his eBay app I saw "signed cleat" in his bought tab, and it was the same one.
I had a friend in high school. In about year 7, he was adamant that he was once on a road trip with his parents and that he fell out the car, off a cliff, fell into the sea and got squirted out of a whale, landed back in the car with fish and chips in his hands. Needless to say he got bullied for the rest of the year. He now lies about how many drugs he takes/sells
My brother used to have compulsive tendencies. When hanging out with friends, he used to answer his phone, go outside, and come back in to say that he had to leave. In reality, there never was anyone on the other end of those phone calls. After a handful of times, he was eventually called out.
Designed the radio scrambling system for Air Force One
Wrote programs in MACHINE code for his first job. In the 1970s.
Told me that he had the second place world record in Tetris in 1988. I even pulled up the list of record holders for Tetris on my phone. He insisted that the list was wrong. I grabbed my copy of Tetris for the NES for him to play in front of me. He sucked.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 17:11:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Helping out at a homeless shelter and talking to one of the women there. She had this bracelet with tons of charms on it and stuff so I asked if they had any meaning. Apparently she was related to every royal family alive and all the charms were given to her by kings and queens and princes and princesses. She named all these names of people she's related to so eventually I asked "Do you know other volunteer I came with?" "Yes of course, he's my second cousin."
There was a girl a year younger than me in high school. She told me she had some kind of cancer so she will die in a year. She apparently had a boyfriend that died and she found out that she is carrying his baby. (This guy looked well into college, he unfortunately did die but facebook told us that. He also was way out of her league) She then got so drunk one night that she miscarried her baby. I didn't believe in any of it.
I ended up seeing her over a year later when I went to visit some teachers at my high school. She looked the same and shocked to see me.
Dated a guy who claimed he was Jewish. Went to his parent's house, there were crosses everywhere...I thought, maybe they're some of those Jews For Jesus I've heard about...no, turns out he just thought being Jewish would impress me
He died for an hour, got accused of rape but then was found not guilty in court, even though he had been with us that whole day, Tore his ACL when 12 at the United States soccer championships for youth, Got type 2 diabeteus, which then turned into type 1, yes he said he got both
Back when I was a bouncer one of my fellow doorman was a compulsive liar. Not lying to get out of trouble or whatever. Just lying because. To pass the time, to impress for god knows why. He just lied a lot.
Usually lurid tales about the scores of women he'd shagged, or capers he got into... these were at least entertaining when you're stuck outside in the cold looking at a queue while people are raving. If he had a bruise, it's not because he walked into a door or banged his hand doing DIY or slammed a car or something like normal people. Oh no. His bruises were always the result of "some cunt who started it and I ad to deck 'im innit". Ooooo kay then.
Anyway... One of his best was that he was a soldier in the Falklands war. Fair enough, he HAD at least been in the military. I know that because another bouncer who once worked with us mentioned it. But this was ridiculous because... I would have been like 2 years old at the time of that war and he was only 5 or 6 years older than me so... unless Britain had a very secret kiddie soldier program he was talking absolute bollocks. This was a lie that went on and on and grew in the detail. He saw the Belgrano sink, he used to watch the sea Harriers take off and he was in goodness knows how many firefights. Oh and Northern Ireland too. During the worst of the troubles appparently. He made Northern fucking Ireland sound like Raqqa in 2015 or Falujah in the 2000s. Behave you goose.
He never got outed or confronted on it, we all just laughed behind his back which is kinda sad in a way. He wasn't a bad guy, I just don't know why he always had to tell lies like that.
Randy. Randy shows up for his first day of work and the HR manager is showing him around. I'm the IT manager. Randy is dressed in jeans, sneakers and a gray ARMY PT shirt.
"What did you do in the Army?" I ask.
"I was Special Forces," he says. (This is before 9/11, btw.)
Randy is about 5'9" and weighs about a buck twenty. He's a beanpole.
"What was your MOS?" I asked. There's no 18 in his MOS. He gave like 25N or 25F. (Computers). He looked VERY surprised when I asked his MOS.
I kept gently pressing, and he kept walking his story back. It went from "I was Special Forces" to "I was with Special Forces" to "I was assigned to a SF unit"...all the way back to he wasn't even Airborne but a leg assigned to XVIII Airborne Corps HQ as a computer geek. (Nothing wrong with that.)
So I let him go on his way. Turns out he told almost everyone in the company that asked that story about being SF. I was vaguely aware of the concept of Stolen Valor (he didn't claim any medals or anything, but still...) and then the lies started piling on.
About how he knew 25 different computer languages fluently. This from the guy who didn't know how use Excel. At all. Like didn't know how to sum a column of numbers.
About how he was the "personal IT guy" to the Commander of XVIII Airborne Corps. (The Corps is commanded by a 3-star general. Randy got out of the Army as an E-4.)
Then the real BS started after 9/11. Randy's job with the company was as a stockroom clerk. Every quarter or so he'd have to work a weekend taking inventory of the entire stockroom. It was a boring, lengthy job. Would take about 16 hours over a weekend. But he started getting called away on these "missions" for the Army. He'd have to fly to Afghanistan or Iraq on Friday night, complete the "mission" and would be back in CA by Monday morning. All very top secret, very classified, very hush, hush.
I used to call him "Eye Roll" to the rest of the guys in my department. Every time he opened his mouth to talk about himself I'd end up rolling my eyes.
Pnug19 · 2 points · Posted at 17:29:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy I knew in college would tell the most ridiculous stories he swears by. From threatening door to door salesmen with a crossbow to having a brother become psychic with hospital grade cocaine...
This one was a favorite of our group of friends. One day this guy was at the beach on a family vacation minding his own business. When all of the sudden his mother screams and there he notices a shark on her lap.
He goes into action by grabbing the shark by the tail and spins it one or twice before throwing it further into the ocean and saving his mom. Soon after he throws the shark a game warden on the beach runs as fast as they can to him. When the warden reaches his he says to the hero.
"I saw you messing with that animal. That's a warning, don't do it again, or you will be fined."
We sit there in awe of this story. He presumes it is about his bravery, when in fact we are stunned that he expects us to take it seriously.
He constantly feels the need to lie about girls. Went even so far as to find a picture on Google to send me. I found the picture a few months later by accident.
Had a friend who destroyed her relationship because she let her boyfriend and a few close friends in on the secret that she was part of a secret society of humans who were spiritually wolves and could morph into wolves when they learned to harness their power. She was going through a really rough time in her life and had used bullshitting as a way to escape reality since I'd known her. As her friend I helped her through it but I don't blame the boyfriend for jumping ship. Four years later they actually ended up getting back together, so I guess it worked out. Although she went from admitting it was complete BS to, these days, claiming that it wasn't technically a lie because she believed it was real at the time. Her boyfriend buys it, and I don't hang around her anymore, so I guess that's none of my business.
Roomate decided to spend his entire check on 3ds games. When we asked him for rent he went out to get the money, but happened to get robbed at the atm. They took his wallet and bike. Found his wallet in the trash later that day and he sold his bike to someone in the apts.
Thats just one of the many things hes lied about including sleeping with his uncle (by marraige) then telling his aunt and she was totally cool with it. He would steal my dirty underwear on the daily, bring homeless guys home trying to feed and fuck them. He was definitely unstable.
His id and atm card were in the trash although he did order New copies for both. Besides that hes the type of person to over react to everything so when he came home and casually said " oh yeah , i was just robbed. He hit me over the head and i blacked out" there was no injury, supreme lack of concern of a concussion, and basically not upset at all.
He had gone home over christmas break to spend time with his family. This is is aunts husbamd so no blood relation. Anyways him and the uncle are up late one night talking and one thing led to another. Afterwards he told me he confronted his aunt about it before she found out and they had a nice talk and basically she is ok with it. Before this he would go on and on about the reason hes where hes at in life now is because of his religious homophobic family
I honestly have no fucking clue. It still haunts my dreams.
Aparently they were guys he knew from school who ended up making some bad choices and ended up on the streets. He was previously "homeless" becaboue of said family. Im guessing he could sense our growing hostility towards him and decided to reconnext with his homeless buddies before we threw him out
On top of that random shit would come up missing. Weed, food, clothes, hygiene stuff like shampoo, dishes.
Edit: we never confronted him abot anything because of either lack of proof or it just wasnt our concern or worth the trouble. (Like why do we care if you lie about fucking your uncle?) he was admittedly unstable and we didnt want to provoke violence. Since he wasnt on the lease we just told him the manager knew he was there and wanted him gone
Everythings great now! I own my own house, no more roomies for me. And none of us have had contact with him since. We parted on goodish terms with him but hes never bothered to call or text. I really should upload some of his facebook posts to cringe or that happened. Its pretty hilarious from the outside looking in.
There was this girl I went to high school with, we'll call her Alex.
Alex had a lie going that she had just recently moved from Australia, and she had this awful accent that faded in and out. Turns out she actually went to elementary school in the states, and was in the same second grade class as many of our classmates until she transferred to a private school. She worked for the CIA as a secret agent, protecting a guy she was interested in from being assassinated, and was currently undercover, owned her own apartment and below her apartment she owned a nightclub/strip club and she was able to get all of the profits from all of the drugs going in and out of her club. She also saw many ghosts, and was constantly pestered by and mothering a ghost child.
I stopped believing her stories right away my freshmen year when she was crying one day in class, I asked her what was wrong after school, and she proceeded to tell me something had happened with her boyfriend. "Oh God, here we go." I thought, but she seemed nice and I didn't mind listening so I asked what happened. She told me that her boyfriend kissed her, and then drank some poison and died in her arms. I decided that everything she said from there on out should be taken with a grain of salt.
We were drinking in a bar and talking about them "energetical vampires". People who suck the energy out of you, or something. One guy tells the following story: "This is nothing. I once met with a "real" vampire, a dude who claimed he drinks blood and whatever. It was a fucking liar, so to prove it we all went to the local morgue and stole a human liver from there, returned home, put it in the blender, and then I gave it to him and said: "DRINK IT!!!". Of course that he began to back down. Fucking liar".
You...broke into a morgue? And...stole a human liver? And then...put the liver in the family blender?
I knew a compulsive liar in high school. I don't know why he kept lying because he was under interrogation all the time - anytime he'd come up with a lie. He showed up to class acting exaggeratedly nervous one day and of course we asked what's up. He was like "I can't say anything but some serious shit's about to go down" and he insinuated it was some sort of mafia type shit. What kind of mafia shit can a 16 y/o get themselves into? The next day, he showed up inexplicably wearing a suit. Why was he wearing a suit? He had a serious meeting where the shit was about to go down. He told us he once made a short film and it won a film festival award. We asked if we could see it and of course he didn't have a copy of it anywhere anymore. He would mention stuff about his "girlfriend" that no one had ever met. One day he showed up to class with a shoelace around his wrist. He was asked why he was wearing a shoelace around his wrist and he made up some story about his girlfriend being sick with cancer and she asked him to wear this bracelet until she died. I think we always knew he was lying but the last one where he killed off his "girlfriend" was the point where he had to have known that we knew he was lying. The semester changed and I never talked to him again until our Grad dinner, where some "serious shit" did go down. He was busted for having a shit ton of liquor in his limo.
This dude that I knew in college. He was pledging my fraternity, but couldn't get in right away because we had minimum GPA standards. Suddenly he got good grades and we let him in (relevant to story).
Anyways, he'd always have some over the top stories to tell. It would always be like: so I was at the club, and starting to dance with this hot chick, we started making out, got super wasted, took some ecstacy, danced some more, she gave me a bj in the bathroom, then ended up at her place, fucked, etc. And it would keep getting more and more ridiculous as the story kept going. We might have believed him if he wasn't some skinny nerdy Indian dude with a stutter. We may have also believed him if it happened like once, but not every weekend.
Anyways, semester after I graduated, I come to find that he got busted in a cheating ring on campus. Him and two other students got busted breaking into professors offices at night, replacing their keyboards with ones that remember keystrokes, guessing professors passwords based on that, and changing their grades. The kid got 3 years probation, lost all his credits, and got kicked out, but he was merely the lookout. One of the other guys got 4 years in prison and lost his position in a master's program at Boston University. The last guy was back in his home country of Japan by the time the plot was found out, so I think he got off Scott free.
Definitely explained how his grades improved so quickly and that he was in fact full of shit, and it wasn't just suspicion.
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 01:33:33 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He got four years in prison for breaking into someones office and replacing their keyboard with "ones that remembers keystrokes"? Okay.
Yes, breaking and entering, hacking, and damaging government property (both felonies). It happened over two years. Furthermore, destruction of evidence. I have the link below for the news, I might not remember all the charges.
A guy in my welding g school in Alberta told me he was in the Russian special forces and snuk into north Korea for fun.... he said he was a freelance welder with the skill of a journeyman who just never went to school.... long story short when it came to welding he was the worst In class.. didn't even have his shielding gas turned on for the firstly few days of wire feed welding and didn't no why his welds looked like throw up. .. he never even finished the course
A girl I know, who I met at a mutual friend's birthday party, once told everyone that she was a trust fund kid but that she was just waiting until she was old enough to collect. She was hoping people would buy her shit with the expectation that one day she'd be rich and do them a solid.
This girl, to put it mildly, is the whitest of all white trash. I once went to her family's house, and the only horizontal surface that wasn't covered with assorted garbage was the small square on her coffee table where her bong was sitting.
I used to work with a guy named Bill. My best friend also worked at this company. Bill had a story about EVERYTHING that was brought up. A true Topper. So one day me and my friend wanted to see how far he would go. Would he claimed he had been dead? So we set it up. Started talking about a guy we knew who was real cool but had surgery and died. Bill jumped right in and completely serious said "I died once" then proceeded to tell a story about a minor surgery he had had and his heart stopped for over 14 minutes. He said the doctor had told him there had never been anything like it before and it was in several medical journals.
I used to work at a skate park, this kid who was roughly 16-17 at the time would come up once a week, pay and then sit outside smoking cigarettes. He was morbidly obese and would tell endless stories. It's been a few years but the most memorable:
He used to be a very good professional skateboarder until he hit his head one day and woke up the next morning and couldn't remember a thing.
He was Reba Mcentire's bastard child. His adopted mom received regular child support checks from Reba and when we wouldn't see him for extended periods of time he was always "down in Nashville at Mom's ranch"
A friend of mine in high school said who considered himself to be one of the "cool kids" (most would disagree) claimed he felt bad for one of the nerdy kids and decided to attend the nerdy kids' birthday party. When he arrived, the nerdy kid's dad had bought a keg of beer (500 glasses) for the party (to make him look cool). Nobody else showed up to the party. So he drank the entire keg with the nerdy kid.
He's my dad's friend. He's not a pathological liar, he just wants to sound interesting I guess.
First of all, he says that he is the cousin of the best tennis player in the world, and they are so close that he doesn't have a picture with him.
He started living by himself at age 14, graduating at the same age because he was such a genius.
Oh, and my favorite so far: He met John Lennon, hell, he had a drink with him and later he introduced him to Yoko Ono.
claimed to have a red belt in king fu (never took a class)
went to Bondage School
Couldn't feel temperature at all due to nerve damage, but oddly enough when introduced to rapidly hot temperatures, it still hurt.
Would pay me back any of the money he owes me
Actually gave a shit about our friendship
I got this petulant man child job after job and when he was "inexplicably" fired I advocated for him to not be kicked out of the apartment by our other roommate.
said her ex boyfriend died in a terrible car crash; he didn't, we knew it, but she still told
People about his funeral
said she went to college in northern Ohio; really she was living in her grandmas house and never really left town, but had bailed on our friend who she was living with.
Those are just two of her insane lies... Couldn't be friends with her anymore. Crazy.
The lie it self wasn't some insanely crazy story. The REAL crazy of it was that my ex-fiance was able to believe her own lies, and I quote "It's not a lie if I mean it at the time I say it"... She was incapable of lying because by this logic, she would just believe hard enough in the lie to the point it wasn't a lie anymore. I totally think she really did believe her own lies too, the way she would say them with such conviction she had to have believed. Makes my blood start to boil just thinking about this... /end rant
Quick warning: on a cell phone and in a rush to go somewhere. I apologize for grammar/spelling mistakes.
I remember our school's compulsive liar (CL) moved to the area sometime around middle school. She had quickly developed a crush on me, which was a little awkward since I was dating someone at the time. She actually lived by my girlfriend, who lived on the other side of town from me.
One day CL found out through my girlfriend that I ran cross country, so the next day CL joined cross country. She was there for only a day, as she was only able to complete a single 12 minute mile split before her knee began to "act up."
Well CL got involved pretty quickly with another church outside of town. At their youth group CL started to tell everyone that she was a cross county champion at her school, and that the only one faster than her was me. She told them about how we ran together every day after practice since we were next door neighbors. Afterward my family normally invited her in to eat dinner and she helped me with my homework.
My actual neighbor was in her youth group. Apparently CL could not explain why my neighbor had never seen her around the neighborhood.
My buddy lives in the shittiest part of town in a roach filled trailer with his jobless wife and kid, but always claims he makes 20+ an hour and works 45+ a week. He will lie about anything and everything it's super annoying, but I feel bad for him.
My brother said he had severe diabetes and was in the hospital to have his foot amputated. Shows up at my house a few days later with both feet. This was about a week after he told me he had open heart surgery.
Friend:"Whoops, sorry, I must have blocked your number by mistake".
Me:"Oh okay just unblock it soon I need a way to contact you dude".
Me(thoughts): What a bunch of shit
My freshman year roommate in college was a pathological liar. We lived in an off-campus apartment and I found out three months into our living arrangement that he didn't even go to the same university as me, despite a very heavy front that he did. Quickly realized that his whole life he portrayed to us was a lie. I didn't tell him once I found out, and found his future claims to be ridiculous and poorly thought out. These included:
Telling me that he was going to play Division I football until he 'blew out his knee.' He was super un-athletic.
Also said he played lacrosse in high school, where he played 'every position.' Also said he used to be a bodybuilder and spent 'two hours in the gym everyday' but gave it up.
Was paying for his apartment and schooling at age 19 with the money he earned from his job, when he really was just living off his parents wealth.
Said that he had done all type of soft and hard drugs in high school. Smoked with him once and he didn't know what he was doing.
"I'm allergic to all fruit, like I'll have problems if you even eat fruit near me." - 5 minutes later proceeds to eat fruit gummies made with fruit juice.....
I actually have pollen-food syndrome. It is where my body confuses pollen with things found in raw fruit and veggies. So i have an allergic reaction to raw apples, tomatoes, bananas, and cucumbers. The weird part is that cooking or proccessing the food takes away whatever my body is confusing. So, i can eat apple pie, ketchup, pickles, candies with fruit flavor and things like that. Its weird.
Oral allergy syndrome, also known as pollen-food syndrome,is caused by cross-reacting allergens found in bothpollen and raw fruits, vegetables, or some tree nuts. The immune system recognizes the pollen and similar proteins in the food and directs an allergic response to it.
He invented a brand new type of alternator that you'd put into a windmill for unlimited energy. He also claimed to drive his suga momma's Maserati all the time, but we only ever saw him in the ugliest purple rustbucket of a 1990 mustang.
Kid I worked with told me he beat up three armed robbers at a roller rink, then jumped behind the counter to have sex with the girl working there. I waited for him to laugh, but nope, dead serious.
I know 1 girl who lies about everything, this is an example of how bad her lying is. On a night out in a pub right across the road from a big college who have this really fancy ball every year. I run outside for a smoke, while I'm down there I'm chatting with the bouncers, I know them pretty well as we use to drink there quite often. Mid conversation a bouncer asks me if I'm going over to the ball. I just stare at him blankly, kinda confused and say, what? Another bouncer laughs, and just explains, saying I look really well and they thought I was heading over. We have a bit of a laugh and I go back inside. I retell the story to my mates inside, bit of a funny anecdote. Fast forward to the following night, liar is over at my place watching a movie, middle of the film she pipes up and says, you'll never guess what happened to me last night? Then proceeds to tell me my story back to me claiming it was her it happened to. I couldn't even respond I was so shocked.
That he got pulled over going 222 mph in a stock C5 corvette on a rather bumpy curved part of the highway in a pretty busy area, and got off with just a warning because the "vette is so sweet"
How him and his friend rolled a truck while off-roading and just shot it to make it explode, blowing out the windows of houses in a 1/4 mile radius.
He also got a job as a car salesman at a Subaru dealership and sold a $400,000 Ferrari his first week and got 75% commission on it.
His girlfriend lied to him about being pregnant, to sober him up while drunk. Week later, she's apparently actually pregnant. Now it's 6 months later and she's not pregnant..
He also drinks approximately 3 bottles of jack Daniels every time he drinks.
And I'm 80% sure he lies about being a veteran for military discounts... I have no proof or frame of reference for this one but the positive way he talks about killing Arabs and his sensationalist description of the military makes it seem like bullshit.
As a child/teenager, I was a compulsive liar. I don't know the exact reason I did it, but I think it had to do with my upbringing. My mom was a compulsive liar and always had us lie for her. If she stole something and was caught, I knew to say I did it. I would tell people i put it in her purse when she put it down. I had to become really good at lying when I started showing up to school with bruises. Then Around the age of 12, I went into foster care. I felt so...invisible. So I started lying about things to make people like me.
*One time in 8th grade, we had a drug sweep (when they bring in the dog). The entire school was on lockdown and it just so happened I had IQ testing (which every student was allowed to take). Noone is supposed to leave the classroom during this time. Then all of a sudden a woman comes in and goes, "Chrissy, lets go, you've been bit by the dog." EVERY student and the teacher looked at me. I missed the next two classes because testing took forever. By the time I was done, it was lunch time. I walked to the lunch room and a kid ran up to me and said "what happened? Did they find drugs on you?" And I took that story and ran...ran so far with it. It made its way through the entire school in 1 day. Then as I was leaving this kid says, "what kind of pot was it?" Me, a kid who cared more about homework then drugs and who knew nothing of pot said "what? Duh the regular kind" this kid starts laughing so HARD about how stupid I was. I could not be left alone for about a week. People were always asking questions. So, I convinced my christian foster mom, that I thought it would be best for me to be homeschooled because I wanted to get closer to GOD. I went to school and told a friend that I was going to be leaving because I was going to be homeschooled. She said "are you being expelled" and of course, I said "YUP!" People still talked about it for years after it happened. At least 99% of them, still do not know the truth. The only ones that know, are ones that didnt believe me from the start. I have never until now addmitted it wasnt true, but I also havent talked about it since it happened and I moved from that area in 12th grade and have not been back.
My sister is a compulsive liar. I have on multiple occasions literally watched her do something she wasn't supposed to be doing and accused her of it, only for her to turn around and deny it.
I think the most memorable was when I accused her of dating guys at around age 16 behind my parents' backs. She denied this, of course.
Well one day she left her phone in the bathroom and I saw a text come in that said something like "I hope you have a great morning, sugar." Don't remember the exact wording, but it's irrelevant really. Well this gets it in my head that she's definitely dating someone and I want to find out what's going on. My sister wasn't necessarily the brightest bulb in the box and was pretty likely to get herself in a bad way.
So I snooped.
I got logged into her Facebook account on the family computer and looked through messages. Turns out, she was actively, seriously flirting (for lack of a better word at the moment) with about 5-6 guys.
I tried one more time to talk to her about this, being careful about revealing what I knew. She didn't want to have any of it, so I printed out screenshots of Facebook messages and shots I took of her text messages, three copies of each. My parents were sitting in the living room later that night so I called my sister in, told her to sit down, handed a copy to each of them and left the house.
Oh, that text message from earlier? That was from a 50-something-year-old man.
While still in college I worked part-time in an off licence (liquor store to you American folks). Our manager left and new guy called Joe came in to replace him.
Joe was an average, middle aged guy, pretty unremarkable in every way, the opposite of charismatic. He was harmless, a bit of an eejit, but not the worst boss I've ever had. He was a bit like David Brent, he wanted to be liked by everybody, but he was not really competent at his job. He lasted less than a year.
Anyway after closing up for the evening he'd often ask if any of us other staff wanted to go for a few pints with him. This happened pretty much every Friday and Saturday evening, and the last thing you wanted to do is go drinking with this guy after spending hours working with him. But Joe seemed like a lonely guy, he'd mentioned being divorced and whatnot, so sometimes I took pity and I'd go for a few with him. He was buying too, so that helped.
That's when the stories started. After a pint or two he'd start telling me about his time in the army. Now maybe this isn't so strange for somebody from the US, as the Military is a big thing over there, but here in Ireland it's quite rare. And there was no way this man who could barely manage to operate a till ever held a weapon.
These stories weren't told jokingly, but dead serious. It was so hard not to laugh, as they were completely ridiculous, obviously made up in order to make himself look like a badass. But I never called Joe on this because free drinks, and free entertainment.
I really wish I could remember more of his war stories now, but this was over a decade ago, and the stories weren't particularly interesting in themselves.
Joe had claimed that he was with Special Forces, he'd fought in the first Gulf War as a sniper, committed all these crazy, daring, Ramboesque feats, but eventually he was injured and had to retire. When he came home from Iraq he caught his wife in bed with another man, and so he shot that guy's kneecaps off and kicked his wife out. There may be have been somebody thrown out a window as well, but I'm vague on that.
Sorry I realize this is long, and doesn't really make for compelling reading, so apologies for that. But the question got me thinking of Joe and his bullshit for the first time in ages. I wonder where he is these days and if he's still regaling kids with his boring tales of badassery that obviously never happened.
TL,DR; Had a manager at work, totally boring dryballs, who claimed to be the real life Solid Snake.
Edit: Oh just remembered the time he told us that the previous night he'd been invited home by two hot lesbians for a threesome. Middle aged, balding, totally average, charmless, Joe who went in to uncomfortable detail about what he did to these two girls.
A buddy in college told so many great lies. It got to the point where we would egg him on to see what absurd thing he would say next.
I bet him $20 he couldn't have sex with this girl at a party. He disappears for the night and the next day tells me he only got the tip in so I didn't have to pay.
Told me during highschool some guy bit him during a basketball game and one of the kids teeth got stuck in his arm. Later in the game it fell out while he was shooting a free throw because the method in which he shoots requires him to flex his forearm.
The classic I lost my virginity in 8th grade to the senior captain of the cheerleaders.
Also told me he got drafted into the whatever round in baseball but wanted to focus on his education.
He claimed that his mom was Japanese (Although he looked and was Mexican) and that she was a doctor, but for reason he was coming to our poor ass school.
He claimed to have no relation to a boy at school that looked exactly like him. Then latter took it back and said they were cousins that lived together with his aunt. They were actually brothers.
On multiple occasions he claimed to have harmed himself (ex. Stabbing himself in the stomach and stitching it himself) and next day at school showing no actual injuries.
Told me this guy moved in next door, then 5 min later texted me that his name was Nikko Sky, and then an hour later that he was sucking his dick. Constantly pretended to be texting. On our last day of school, on the bus heading home from Disneyland, he was again, pretending to text and facing the phone away from me to make sure I couldn't see. His stupid ass didn't realize that his screen was being reflected off the window he was sitting next to, showing me that he was just typing random stuff into the text book with no address.
Called him out on it the next day. He said he didn't want to be friends. Then we move on to high school where I find out he was telling people that I slept with a couple of college guys and was calling me a couple of racial slurs aimed at black people. I'm mexican, but I have medium to dark skin and curly hair, so I guess he thought it was appropriate. No one believed him and he moved to Texas.
I woman I shall call Mary was infamous for her lies. Some subtle and ignorable - but some so unbelievable as to think it must be a joke. On Mary's first week of employment, she brought up during a conversation that she hit the lottery with one of those scratching tickets. Not millions, but 750k. Enough to ask why was she bothered working at this point? Pay off debts and live on interest! But she had reasonable excuses: paying mother's medical debts and house, providing for cousins in trouble, etc. We don't know this woman, so we believe we're in the grace of a very kind and generous soul!
But over time, the lies were becoming predictable. Did I start seeing someone? Well so did Mary! Was my SO driving a 125k car? Her boyfriend had a rare, custom ordered Bentley!
It was weird. Part of the reason that it was weird was that I wasn't competing with her, so I was celebrating her 'wins' with her. I was happy her new boyfriend was filthy rich! Great!
But the best part? She was a TERRIBLE liar! Mary sucked at it. She would obviously be making stuff up as I went along. She would send me photos she clearly stole from the internet and claim she JUST took this photo on her smart phone. But I'm a photographer. I recognize frame sizes, professional lighting, and post-production work. She was taking wide-angel images of a professional shot that was post-processed and claiming that what she messaged me on my phone was her in her boyfriend's NY penthouse apartment. No request of a selfie or evidence of a human being would be provided.
I also like to travel. I'm not rich; I travel on the cheap, staying with friends or hostels, etc. Because of this, I travel more often than average. Suddenly Mary started to experience exotic travel as well - unplanned and last minute trips that occurred at the SAME TIME of my travels. Always and predictably having a better trip than the one I was just on. By this time we knew she was making stuff up and lying. We'd let her spin her tales and then go about our day. Except this one time I returned from a short-trip to another country. I was exhausted; it was a demanding and brief trip. But it was fun and I had tons of photos from Rain Forests and Volcanos, etc. While Mary was trying to one-up my exotic travel with HER unplanned cruise to Puerto Rico, someone finally asked her to produce photos. She promised she would. And then the creepiest thing happened.
In a few days, she linked us all to her FB photo album showing 100s of photos of a cruise ship and Puerto Rico. (Let's not discuss that there isn't a cruise from our City to PR which leaves on Friday and returns Sunday night... just roll with this). The album was a PAINFUL collection of stolen photos from the net. Different image resolutions and different compression methods, not to mention that 99% of the entire album (hundreds of photos long) has not a single human being in them! Weird, displaced images of empty stair cases, empty casinos on cruise ships, empty room, and the ever popular towel-critters the cruise folks like to leave. But she was sloppy about it. The towels were different in several photos (no trim, some with blue trim, some with gold decoration, etc.). It was so obvious to everyone that this was fabricated. We all stared at her. WEIRD.
But the final straw was her 'partial hysterectomy.' So, let me set this up. I wanted to get the weight loss bypass surgery several years ago. She said she wanted to do the same thing. So the both of us attended the required pre-surgery meetings which prep you on what you need to do and how to plan for this change in your life. For those who don't know, this process can sometimes take up to six months. So if you start in June, you could expect to have the surgery scheduled for very late in the year or early the next year. Mid-way through this testing/preparation process, test results showed that I was having very serious hormonal issues that needed to be address before I could proceed with any surgical solution. Mary did not have any issues. She was scheduled to have her surgery at the end of the year/beginning of the new year.
Everyone knew my plans were put on hold until my other medical issue was addressed. But suddenly Mary grew silent about her progress. We wondered: what was Mary going to do? Suddenly and without warning, she calls out of work for an emergency illness in early January. People are asking me if Mary is ok, but they heard she had to have emergency surgery. I'm pretty sure she's just having the bypass weight loss surgery AS SCHEDULED when we attended all those meetings during the summer months.
Finally I'm texting Mary to see how she's doing. She starts a long fabricated story about how she went to the GYN and they found thyroids and she was rushed to the ER to have emergency Partial Hysterectomy. She'll be out of work for a few weeks. She was SO shocked and scared! She was traumatized! And she's so glad she had her child 20 years ago because now she could never have a child. blah blah blah.
This woman had the bypass surgery and FORGOT that I knew she was scheduled for the surgery at this time. She didn't tell anyone at work she was going out on medical leave, leaving everyone scrambling to cover for her absence without warning. She must believe that HR doesn't get any information about her medical procedures. Weeks later, she’s in the office again retelling her frightening GYN visit which rushed her to the ER - but she doesn't even bother to know how any of the medical procedures work. She is talking about several scars from the laparoscopic surgery. I reminder her that the Drs go through the vagina for hysterectomies. A few more weeks, she's complaining about bleeding/cramps. I ask if she forgot her had a hysterectomy. She replies tersely: IT WAS A PARTIAL!! (as if she's left with 50% of her uterus)
And finally, months later, she was telling us how she offered a good friend of hers to carry a fetus for her (after her friend lost a baby). Which I ask her again: did you forget? And she yelled at me that she only had a PARTIAL hysterectomy. So I ask her: Do you think you just have half a uterus? Answer: DUH, YES.
During my vanilla WoW days in the 7th grade my compulsive liar friend bragged about his Night Elf Warrior and claimed he once crit 25k with her (at the time that number was unheard of). He also had a sword with intellect on it and claimed he was a "mana-less" paladin lmaoooo. He had so many boyfriends that gave him gold on that character hahahahaha so you know he lied to those poor chumps as well!
In first grade there was an older girl that went to my summer camp who convinced me that her family had won a full home makeover that replicated the house from Clarissa Explains it All. She even got me to believe that she had an alligator in her room.. I finally exposed her lies when she ended up on the same van home as me and I asked her to let us all come and see her alligator..
Had a friend that said he won tickets on the radio to go to a concert that my other friend and I were going to see. He also said they were, "super VIP" and would actually be performing on stage with them. Come the day of the concert, that didn't happen.
In Kindergarten through 3rd grade I would tell people I get channel 0, which let me watch any show I wanted whenever I wanted in the early 2000s. I felt like a real innovator when on-demand became a thing years later
There was this guy I used to work with who couldn't go a day without lying through his teeth, here are a few:
As a security guard at a mall, he caught a pedophile who was wearing nothing but a trench coat and was trying to run off with little kids. The pedophile pulled a gun on him, so he disarmed him and broke 5 places in his shoulder using one swift motion
As a bouncer, he ripped a guys groin by simply catching the guys kick, and then pulling very hard. (He's like, 5'3. I don't know how he got hired as a bouncer at a club)
In high school, he wrestled two brothers from a school called Logan and beat both of them, making the younger one cry in the year of 2009. (I wrestled from Logan in 2009, I was the only one with a brother on the team, I am the younger one, and I've never met him before that job)
A man once kicked him in the forearm and broke his own shin because his bones were 'too strong'
His cousin is UFC fighter Chad Mendes and they spar a lot, and in several cases he has beat him in a standup fight. (The liars last name is spelled Mendez...)
Back when I ran a gas station attached to a grocery store, a girl transferred in from another location, but hadn't worked as a gas station cashier before. As the boss, it was my responsibility to spend 24 hours with her doing training and whatnot. Have to keep the corporate overlords happy and all that.
I had been warned in advance about this girl, but I was not prepared. I trained her on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.
On Friday she explained to me how she had wound up working at my station, her 4th in about 6 months. It involved passing out in the office of location #1 and being rushed to the hospital. While in the hospital, she was diagnosed with a brain tumor, which was promptly cut out of her head and she was sent back to work.
She was transferred to location #2 and placed on light duty for a while. During this time, she had a miscarriage and had become depressed. The manager of location #2 had grown tired of it, and had traded her to location #3, who very quickly sent her to work for me.
This all struck me as very odd, as no one had mentioned any medical issues to me, and I'd never seen another employee get transferred against their will in all my time working at the company, about 6 years at the time. Department transfers were common, but getting moved to another store or city for medical reasons was practically unheard of.
On Saturday she told me all about school. She had entered university to study Biology, but had wound up switching into the business school. It was late May during her training, and she told me that she had just graduated from the business school, and had taken the MCAT (med school entrance exam) for fun. She'd apparently scored so well on it that multiple med schools had offered her scholarships to attend, without her even having to apply. Honestly the least believable part of this was the business school part of it, as I was entering my 4th year at her universities business school, and I'd never seen her there before.
On Sunday I watched her explain to another employee that she'd just recently been diagnosed with Crohn's disease after going to the doctor with an upset stomach. She'd been taken to the hospital and had 1/3rd of her small intestine removed 2 weeks before her training began. Admittedly i knew nothing about the illness, but I had to look it up. It's apparently very hard to diagnose, requiring multiple tests and confirmations. I saw no indication that a rapid diagnoses and surgery would ever be a treatment plan, not that I believed a word that came out of her mouth at that point.
Ultimately, a went to my boss, relayed my concerns, and shockingly she was never released to me to be put on my schedule. I saw her once or twice at location #3, but she was gone within a month. From doing a little digging, I'm fairly certain that not a single one of the things she told me were true, shockingly enough.
Meaber · 2 points · Posted at 18:49:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There was a kid in my high school who was famous for making up ridiculous stories. His most famous was the fact that his grandfather killed Hitler. If you seemed skeptical, he would claim that he had the gun to prove it.
Said he played bass and sung vocals in a band and that their album was dropping soon. I didn't really care, but he sent me an MP3 in an email. The file was labeled "our first cut.mp3" but when I opened it in iTunes, the tags said it was a song by some band called Downset. I looked them up. Not only was this guy not part of the band, they were fairly established and this was a track off Downset's new album.
I pretty much ignored anything the kid said after that.
The most absurd lie I was ever told was someone who pretended that a) they had a middle name, and b) they were born in a different country. I had the unfortunate task of booking a plane ticket for this person and if I hadn't asked to see his passport to confirm all this bullshit and had just asked him, he wouldn't have been able to fly because of this pointless fantasy.
In a bid to exploit money and/or win back her ex, I knew a lady who claimed to have breast cancer. Went so far as to say she was having chemo and was so sick, yet never missed a weekend clubbing and had a full head of hair. It's been years and she still won't admit that she didn't actually have cancer.
His dad had a bazooka in the attic (I don't even think he had an attic in his house lol)
In the same attic he also had Halo 4 to Halo 18, but his father wouldn't allow him to play it with us. (This was before Halo 4 was released)
This is the same guy who always did awfully on tests compaired to assignments, since his father did all of his school work at home.
He also said that he would make 50k SEK ($6k USD) / Month right out of highschool. EvenThoughHeKnowsNothingJohnSnowPls
It'll be nice to not have to be with him more
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 19:00:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Right...so my cousin is a liar. Our entire family knows it, but they just all let her get away with it. She got married to this insane tweaker when she was around 20. They were psycho together. Constantly fighting, getting the cops called on each other, etc and all in front of their two young children.
They eventually divorce, and she meets a decent guy. He's completely normal, and I still don't understand how he deals with her dramatics daily. Eventually he decides he wants to legally adopt the two kids. Everyone's happy and thinking things are getting better.
So, she starts going around and telling everyone baby daddy was so depressed about losing the kids that he tried to kill himself with a shotgun to the face. He lived, but will forever be disfigured. Even though this dude was a fuckhead, we were all very upset and tried to reach out and help him.
My brother ends up running in to him somewhere, and yeah...he had a totally normal face. She made the entire thing up and we have no idea why. When we confronted her with picture evidence, she retracted and said that she never said that, and we're sick people for even suggesting it.
Eggey5 · 2 points · Posted at 19:04:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This one former friend I had would exaggerate or just flat out about situations that he was in even if someone was there with him in that said situation. It was really frustrating and I yelled at him a few times after it got to be too much. Example? We'd go for a walk to go to GameStop, a homeless person asks us for change, He gives him 50 cents and moves on.
What he TELLS our friends is that he gave a homeless person 50 cents and the homeless person threatened to kill him if he wouldn't give more.
He just fucking expects me to roll with it and gets annoyed when I call him out on it.
This fucker I knew named Skyler was a liar if I ever knew one. He had a thing where he would try to appeal to the group of nerds in our class by interfering with his "stories".
For example he
• Went to E3 2014 and played Half Life 3 and Fallout 4 plus a new Metroid game
• Was personal friends with Stan Lee
• Said the X Men were coming to Marvel Studios and would be in Avengers 3
• Was going to be in the new Batman movie
• Owned a comic worth a million dollars
And a bunch of other stuff I can't remember
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 19:04:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I was good friends with a guy who was a pathological liar and a dumbass. We became good friends my junior year of high school and I brought him out to hang with my group of 4 guys. I didn't know it, but he was probably the dumbest kid in our class. He would spell everything wrong in text messages (one time he asked me how to spell "skirt"), he bragged about getting a 14 on his ACT, he was almost failing out of our school. I should also add he was a little fat guy and he had a temper, so we'd just let him go on with his stories. Here are my favorites:
-Is a trained MMA fighter. When we asked him if we could come to a fight he said only the press gets to come. Then we asked if we could read articles or see pictures, he said he didn't allow pictures because "no college wants a fighter on campus" and in articles he was only referred to as "The Champ". He then started "training with his coach" every morning before school. He even tried hooking up with one of my good friends. He had his "coach" text her an article on himself, which was polluted with spelling mistakes. When the day of the fight arrived, I asked his mother if she was excited for it. She was confused and he told me only his brother and his dad knows he fights.
-Went camping with his cousin in the middle of the woods with no food and killed a squirrel with a knife and ate it raw.
-He died once, but he came back to life, unfortunately.
-He used to hear voices in his head when he was a kid and had to take medication for it, one day he didn't and he almost killed his brother.
-One time he found a portal to Hell in his closet because of "evil" items. He poured Holy water on it, but he can never forget the demons he saw. He has a tattoo depicting this scene.
-He asked me if I could hook him up with my ex-girlfriend (we're friends) so I gave him her number. He told me they went to the movies and fucked. She said he got really creepy in the texts and started talking about the depths of Hell and how his grandma's death really affected him. (He was 2 when she died.) They never ended up meeting
-He acted really spiritual, but we went to Catholic school and he would fall asleep during Mass. He also kept wishing everyone a Happy Lent in Advent.
I'm sure I can think of more, but those are the ones that stick out.
Growing up in a very wealthy NJ suburban town, you ran into a lot of people of this type. Kids who were raised by parents who were more interested in their business/country club/world travels than raising children. Like, top 15 zip code in America or something, lots of money to throw around, also a lot of virtually parentless children.
Anyway, there was this girl who was a product of this. On top of it, she was the youngest, so you could imagine her parents were exceptionally disinterested in her. Sad, really. She would make up the most ridiculous lies and stories:
-One of my friends had some sort of electrical system in their home that would sometimes cause the lights to dim and flicker. She claimed her stage IV cancer was causing this phenomenon.
-She claimed to have personal relations with many celebrities. Mind you we were about 12.
-She went to a posh private school, and claimed the most horrible and hateful stories about the kids she went to school with so we would somehow like her more. Again, we were 12.
-She claimed to be able to hear and speak to dead people, or something. I don't know the girl was fucking weird.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 19:13:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Let's call her Amanda. Amanda was kinda cute, had a nice singing voice, and was very friendly. She could walk up to anyone and start a conversation without it being awkward. That's how we met. I wouldn't say she was popular in school, but she had lots of friends. I don't know if she told lies to others or if it was just me, but she wasn't very smart.
It started with small things, "I went to this concert." "My boyfriend in Germany calls me every night." I never believed any of it, but it wasn't a big deal, why waste my time calling her out? Then one day she says her boyfriend from the next town over is beating her. Neither one of them had a car or a ride to see each other. When we weren't at school, she was at my house. She never had bruises or cuts on her body and she wore kinda revealing clothing so I should've been able to see any marks she might've had. I just told her to break up with him if that was the case, but she refused.
A little later she's dating a new guy, this one is actually real! He went to our school and he and I were acquaintances. They were cute together and I was happy for her. Things were great for awhile, she wasn't stuck up my ass all the time and she mostly quit lying. I'd say it lasted about three months until she told me she was pregnant. I sort of believed her because her boyfriend was pretty sexual, so I tried being there for her. I knew something was up when she'd walk on cafeteria benches like balance beams and say stuff to the effect of "Oh no, I'm pregnant, better not do this. I bet you're so mad at me huh? I could lose the baby." I pretended to believe her for a while longer.
It was about four months in that I lost it and stopped talking to her. On the way home on the bus, she pulls out a piece of copy paper with a shitty ultrasound picture on it and tells me it's her baby. I still didn't have the energy to argue so I told her it was cute and whatnot. The next day at school, I see her boyfriend and finally just ask him if all this is true. He looked at me like I was crazy. He said they broke up two months ago and that they never even had sex. I said something along the lines of "That fucking bitch!" not knowing she was behind me. She didn't say anything until we got on the bus that afternoon. She asked why I called her that and I told her I knew she was lying. I called her out on all the bullshit. I don't remember what she did or said, but we didn't talk again until the next school year.
We shared one class together and she sat behind me, so we were bound to talk eventually. We were fine all year long, she went most the year without lying and I was ecstatic. Then my acquaintance, her ex, came back in the picture. He graduated before us and went to cosmetology school. He was still learning and I needed a haircut so he said he'd come to my house and cut it one evening. Somehow Amanda found out and lost her shit. I guess she was jealous. She started with saying, "I know his ways. He's just using you for sex. You should let me come over so I can protect you." I politely declined. I told her it was just a hair cut, I'll pay him and he'll leave. She came back with "Well, you like layers in your hair. He doesn't do those very well." When I told her I didn't care, she got desperate and told me her mom was abusing her and she needed to get away for awhile. She begged me to let her stay the night at my place. I told her if she believed that was true then I would walk with her to the counselor's office. She shut up & didn't talk to me for the rest of the class. I'm surprised she didn't come over anyway. Sure enough, the guy came over, cut my hair, I paid him and we sat and watched American Idol together, then he left. Nothing happened. The next day I feel like a million bucks because he actually did a great job. It was the best haircut I'd ever gotten. Amanda went out of her way to see me before school started to tell me my hair looked like shit and tried to point out any flaw she could find. It wasn't long after that that she quit school and pretended to be a lesbian for a few months.
Had a guy tell me a couple during my summer job days..
One was that he wrecked his dirt bike and died..but was awake and watching the paramedics and doctors work on him but couldn't communicate to them because the whole being dead part.
The other was that he finish a half gallon of Everclear and wasn't drunk enough so he drove and bought a case of beer. Drank the beer and then went to sleep cuz he was tired of trying to get drunk and it not working.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 19:22:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I probably did this until I was about 14, or so. I guess I was insecure but also intensely private. Most of the "lies" came about because other kids were harass me about being a loser until I had to provide some evidence to the contrary. Like, "I have a girlfriend who goes to another school you wouldn't know her." That type of stuff. Eventually I funneled this energy into writing comedy and I am much better adjusted now. When you are in school and a misfit you latch onto any coping mechanism you can think of. I feel bad for these people who never moved beyond it. That being said, I can spot a liar very easily now.
I knew a guy who said he was dating Justine Bateman. This is back in the day when she was young and hot. He showed me a picture of her that he had in his wallet, it was cut out of the newspaper. One day I was watching the news and saw him being arrested for stalking her. Obviously he wasn't dating Justine Bateman.
A guy told me you could unlock Toad in Super Smash Bros Melee if you hit every name in the credit shooting game. I told him that the game already tells you when you unlocked all of the characters, so there's no way Toad would be extra hidden. He remained adamant that he had unlocked Toad, but then his game got corrupted so that's why he couldn't show me.
This will inevitably get buried but I myself have been a compulsive liar from a young age, it is something I have to actively suppress and have instant regret after doing.
I can think of a few occurrences where I really shit the bed after lying myself into a hole. The biggest one was telling a kid in 4th grade that I had a TV we would watch under my family's hot tub. He called me later that afternoon and I remember him being pretty dissatisfied with the reason he wasn't allowed to come over and see it.
I met my exes new boyfriend who claimed right away to be a hitman for Hells Angels. He had already lost count of how many people he had killed. I thought it was funny cause a professional hitman should be able to afford a car or at least a motorcycle. He also insisted he was fluent in 6 languages including Japanese which was handy for the games he created by himself for Nintendo in Japan but Nintendo screwed him over on the rights so he left.
A 40+ year old coworker told me how he had bought a $25,000+ wedding ring for his open-relationship wife. Meanwhile his truck was some rusty piece of shit Chevy that was always breaking down; he lived with his mother and she bitched at him if he drank a Pepsi at work and didn't bring the can back home. He'd literally steal my pop cans to collect the recycling.
He also was a former hells angel and could have anyone killed.
Some guy my Bestfriend is friends with always tells us his fake ass stories about what he does to his girlfriend at random moments like we could be talking about the basketball and he'd come and tell us how he came on his girlfriends boobs right before they went to her parents house and she had no time to wipe it off so she had to have it on her chest the whole time or the time where she agreed to have a four-some with him and her bestfriends. seems so fake i dont even know if he actually has a girlfriend and idk why he has to tell us a story every 30 minutes
A week after taking out my parents' car, getting in a chase with the police, and crashing it into an embankment at 50mph, my 14-year-old brother takes my girlfriend's car out in the middle of the night. We catch up to him at the convenience store and very politely ask him what the fuck he thinks he's doing.
"I was running away from home. I'm always disappointing everyone and I can't make anybody happy. I figured it would be best if I just went to stay somewhere else."
His backpack contains a black tracksuit, a list of phone numbers for his friends, my driver's license, and an ungodly amount of fireworks.
This one kid I knew in high school was always a laugh riot. He had others but the best was that he claimed he had PTSD. When we called him out on his bullshit he said that he inherited his dads Vietnam memories. Another was when he didn't show up for school one day and his excuse was he beat up a bunch of "wiggers" and got covered in there blood, and a cop who saw it all drove him home and told him to stay at home.
Another girl I know just can't control herself. Horrible liar and one upper who says the dumbest most obviously fake stuff and thinks we believe it. To start with, she randomly told us she gave Adam Dunn (baseball player) a boner just from him seeing her (<-- not that attractive). I had a phase where i played tons of paintball, so of course she was on the world champion paintball team that survived 3 days with no food or water against several other teams (weird tournament...). I worked as a web developer and did a bunch of photo shop image manipulation stuff, so of course her dad is a world reknowned image designer. At 150 lbs she did security and lifted 250+ people off the ground and through them out of places. I could go on all day on this one but I'll stop here.
i went to school wth a girl who was known for her bullshit.
some of the things she said over the years:
-she was a secret millionaire after an irish relative had died and left her a mansion and giant fortune (for context we were about 17 at the time and lived in a really disadvanted town in england, she lived in a council flat)
-she claimed she was fluent in gaelic but always managed to avoid speaking in it when asked/ or would just make up words on the spot.
-she would have pretend phone converstions during school with pretend boyfriends. (someone called her phone while she was 'talking' once only for it to start ringing in her ear.
-after we finished school, she was kicked out of university and taken to court for creating a facebook acount pretending to be one of her teachers, and told people they were having a relationship. a common theme actually, all through high school she was having 'secret flings' with various teachers.
-is also apparently having an affair with helena bonham carter. which is proably the most crazy lie to date.
-she also claimed that she was a surrogate to her sister and gave birth to her twins. however no one ever saw her pregnant or heard about her being pregnant until after her sister had given birth.
girl was all kinds of crazy
A guy I worked with who I'd never talked to before happened to be at a bar when some friends and I showed up.
He started sprouting off stories about how he was one of the "Cocaine Cowboys" and shot a bunch of notorious drug dealers in Miami when he was a cop. About how he was shot and that it's what caused his limp. He talked about it for about two hours straight but Im not sure what other lies he spewed out because i stopped listening as I looked up this very well documented era that has multiple documentaries and books describing the events that occurred, with no mention of his name anywhere. I dont know what possesses people to lie about things that are very easy to disprove.
My brother is the best I got. I was a junior in high school, working at a local grocery store bagging groceries. There was a cashier that I worked with who was quite attractive.
Anyway my brother was a college drop out at this point, first semester had a 0.0 GPA, he was back home waiting tables. This cashier took a liking to him and she is asking me all of these questions about my brother while are at work one day. The majority of them are lies, as the good brother I am I was ratting him out on all off these because it's funnier this way. Things like he met Brad Pitt once and he gave him his personal cell number. The best one, he once bought an ex girlfriend a Corvette. I lost it. My brother, college dropout, who is waiting tables at Applebees, bought an ex girlfriend a Corvette.
To this day, he still lies like crazy for no apparent reason.
One girl who I worked with at not one, but two hotel jobs.
She told everyone at work she was 26. Stupid bartender assumed if she was drinking at her work, then she must be telling the truth. Front office manager then fired her since she was actually 20.
She said she owns ScreamWorld Houston (she works there). She is also a rich millionaire who owns the house her grandmother lives at (she lives with her grandmother).
She then went to work at three other places, before following me to my next hotel job, and put me down as a reference (HR ignored me, when I recommended against hiring her.... Oh they lived in regret).
She told everyone that she was a former bomb specialist for the navy. (Mind you I have known this chick for about a year now she just turned 21)
I asked when she joined, apparently she got special permission from her parents to join at 16.
She shaved her head and then when the hotel said it was against policy. She said they were discriminating against her cancer. She had a brain tumor.
A month later, she quit the hotel because she was called for duty back in the navy. (Can't fire you if you are going into military service) Somehow, she returned from the navy and was cancer free within a month and half later.
TLDR: To sum up, somehow she is a millionaire veteran (bomb specialist) who is part of junior league (you have to be 23 to join), who has brain cancer (yet served in the navy before and after), owns Screamworld Houston, bought her grandmother a house, herself a custom car, can speak fluent Estonian, and all before the age of 22.
I was in the market for a new car, was looking at the Accord. My former FIL had bought one the year before so he fancied himself the expert. I ask him what he paid and he puffs up, all proud and says "Just under $20K".
The car was fully loaded and I'd been researching them for a while - there was no way in God's green earth that's what he paid for it. I start peppering him with questions and watched him work hard to be vague about what he put down and the final cost of the car. I began to lose my cool because Jesus, just be honest, why lie about something so stupid!? I said that he should come with me when I buy my car then, since he's such a great negotiator and suddenly he didn't want to talk about it anymore. I looked at my wife and she rolled her eyes. Apparently this is what he does and nobody ever thinks to call him on it. Tool.
So this is more about when someone is lying as an action than just words. I had a patient who had Münchausen syndrome, which is when you try to make yourself sick for attention. Anyway, she ended up on the oncology unit for unexplained anemia. She was sickeningly nice and you could tell that she was not to be trusted. She started by going to her primary care doctor and reporting all of the symptoms of chron's disease. They did tons of tests and didn't find much but she kept reporting the symptoms. Eventually they did a small surgery on her to see if it would work. That's how she pstarted. From there she doctor hopped and convinced someone to put in a port (it's like a really long IV placed in the chest that you can access with a needle, great for people with cancer or significant IV therapy needs.) No one knew her real medical history because when patients tell us they have something on admission, we enter it into the chart and believe them. Why would people lie?
Here's the list of things she did after she landed on our oncology unit for strange blood counts:
Pretended to have falls consistently and we would find her kneeling on the floor stating that she fell. Great, half an hour of paperwork for the nurse and a awful quality metrics for the floor.
Her blood counts kept inexplicably going down. Finally a CNA surprised her in the bathroom (she had left the door half open) and the toilet was full of blood and there was a syringe attached to her port. When questioned she claimed her nurse of 25 years had forgot to take off the syringe. She was literally bleeding herself.
She kept itching at her port dressing all night and I changed it because it needed to be replaced. The next morning the oncoming shift found that it was all crumpled up again and there was some brown stuff underneath the dressing. Three days later she was septic and they cultured the port. E-coli. She had been rubbing poop on the needle that had a catheter that goes straight to her heart!
Her port was removed due to infection and she was on tons of antibiotics. She got a PICC line which is the same idea as a port but to your arm. She kept asking nurses for line extenders. The nurses said no, as you only need those when you have to access your own PICC, like people in the community with antibiotics. We're pretty sure she wanted to continue to bleed herself again. That's when blunt fill needles (giant needles we use to mix medications, never for patient injections) began missing and she ended up with bruising on her arms.
She became somnolent one day after a small dose of pain meds. She fell asleep with her purse open on her lap and there was a giant bottle of oxy in there. When she woke up she was told to give it to her friend so she could take it home for her, but denied that she had taken any. We saw the friend leave with it. The next day it was back in her purse because the same damn thing happened. So now she couldn't have visitors unless hospital staff was in the room. Then, all of a sudden, she stopped having symptoms and wanted to be discharged.
She ended up dying a few months later at home from an overdose. When I think about all the resources she cost the hospital it makes me sick. She was mentally ill and it was so sad that she was never able to get the help she actually needed, but God knows we tried.
There was a woman that wanted everyone to believe she was dating a rich, beautiful, Navy Seal, right hand man to Obama, who was basically responsible for helping take out Osama, for years. Saw a "picture" of him and it was super grainy and obviously fake.
Years ago my roommate's girlfriend at the time tried to convince him that she was not only in a shootout, but she killed someone in said shootout. She was a nerdy 19 year old white girl who worked at Albertsons.
Someone I know is a compulsive liar. Told me things about family members that just aren't true, and the most heinous is that they are HIV positive, but only by one point over the threshold, so they aren't getting medication for it just yet, to watch and wait for a retest. This is probably the 3rd time in about 5-6 years they've said some variation of having HIV.
Co-worker at Starbucks had dozens, I wish I had a better memory, but...
-would start to cry whenever the group was having fun because her dad was dying/dead (he was alive and fine).
-when she was homeless (never) the only thing she ate was a box of habanero peppers she found so she has an insane capsaicin tolerance.
Damn, my memory sucks.
Student of mine (high school) claims he has a girlfriend in Paris (but never been to France) and washes his dog every other day.
He heard every band, ever. His "cousin worked at a radio station" so no matter what song I brought to him he always replied "oh I heard that before like a month ago, it's alright."
One of my best friends used to date a guy who was "a pilot in the Air Force." He used to fly all over the world during the day, but always made it home for dinner. He also claimed to have been awarded like 6 Purple Hearts. One time he walked around with his arm bandaged for a couple weeks because he got stabbed white saving a girl from getting raped in the park. No scar when the bandages came off. Lastly, he had a daughter who died...first from a car crash, then cancer, finally it was decided that spina bifida was what did it.
Guy wrote poems to his girlfriend claiming he was in the CIA. Even tried to guilt her by claiming that he waved to her while basejumping on a mission but she didnt seem to notice or care....which reminded him of his previous girlfriend and once true love who died in his arms after school due to an assassination disguised as a freak accident.
She brought in a whole shoebox of letters he wrote to her about this shit.
My best friend is a compulsive liar. I love her and her lies don't make her a bad friend by any means. I think she knows I don't buy her shit but I let her tell her stories and I never 'out' her.
I think she just really wants to be impressive to strangers.
But, my favorite is when she tells stories about her military "experience" and acts like she can relate to others who have served full contracts.
She's apparently versed with many weapons, somehow still gets top security level emails with army Intel and was totally MP.
In reality she never made it through boot camp, and went home because of her depression.
I don't know if she doesn't remember me being part of her life during her whole boot camp thing or what but she always goes on and on about it whenever she has the chance.
saw the apparition of a native American warrior in his back yard one night and the warrior held a finger to its lips, drew an arrow from its quiver, then shot it with its bow. The next day, he found an ancient arrowhead where the warrior's arrow would have landed.
He was an EMT (This part was actually true) and en route to the scene of a motor vehicle crash, he started filling out the call sheet. He knew nothing about the patient other than that there had been a crash- no mention of how bad or the extent of injuries, if any, but he was somehow able to fill the entire sheet out, including name, date of birth, and cause of death. He arrived and found out that not only was it all true, but that he'd also gone to high school with the kid.
He and a buddy ran a website which listed a shit-ton of statistics about the military capabilities of various countries around the world. All publicly available info. I saw the website once; it looked like a very dull almanac. But this dude said it was so detailed that the FBI pulled him out of class shortly after 9/11 to debrief him because they wanted to know just how he came to know so much.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 19:47:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That they learned algebra in 2nd grade and then forgot all of it.
Someone else told me that they solved a Rubix cube when they were six with no help. They might have been a prodigy but knowing them it wasn't likely at all
My favorite was when he posted on FB about how, many years ago, he had received an acceptance letter from the US Naval Academy despite never having applied. He was musing about how his life would have been so different if he had accepted their offer.
No, no, no. You don't just randomly get accepted to the US Naval Academy. Not only do you have to apply, you have to receive a nomination meaning you basically have to ask a Congressman to say, "Hey, this is a good candidate for the Academy." There are some other ways, obviously, but you definitely don't just fall into "Oh, look, I got an acceptance letter!" There's an extensive application & interview process.
One of my friends in highschool told me the following story.
He was dating a girl who he called the screamer or something like that (this story was apparently from grade 6 or 7) and he said you could hear her getting off from 2 floors away (yet also told me before he was a virgin so I'm confused how he knew this?). Anyways apparently he said her neighbor somehow tricked her into fucking a dog, filmed it, than extorted her to do other weird shit.
Whatever, but he than says to solve the problem he went to the guys house to beat him up (he's like 12 in this story remember) and ripped a gun out of his hands, knocked him out with it, than dismantled it in one swift motion, saving her.
The neighbor than hired goons to hunt him down and like some movie sequence kidnapped his girlfriend to get back at him. He than said he broke into their hideout after (somehow?) finding it. He than apparently got so angry he blacked out and woke up at the waterfront with her next to him.
She told him "I can't believe you killed all those guys with your bare hands". He told me she still texts him "Thank you for saving me" even thought they don't talk anymore. Don't remember all the details because he told me this in grade 10 (around 6 years ago for me). But he would tell the craziest shit haha.
Very late to the party so this will get buried but here goes:
I had a close friend from about age 3 all the way through high school (our mothers were friends). Here are some of his choicest lies of all time:
In 3rd grade he told everyone that he had an olympic swimming pool in his backyard and had dolphins that he was training. When I pointed out that I had been over his house hundreds of times and there was no pool, let alone dolphins, he told me there was "another level" to his backyard that had the pool and dolphins
In 9th grade he told everyone that he had a hole in his heart that was cured with experimental surgery
In 10th grade he told everyone he painted this picture. Google was still new-ish but I called him out a day or two later saying that I did a search for "Icarus painting" and that it was a painting by a French painter named Matisse. He denied this vehemently and claimed it was his painting, stolen from his website
In 11th grade he told me he cheated on his girlfriend over the summer...with a guy. He later said no, it was a girl. He later said, no, it didn't happen.
In 12th grade he told everyone he had skin cancer, which was cured by an experimental treatment
One of my favorite stories happened a few years after I'd lost touch with him. He was on a religious retreat as a counselor with younger teens (he was probably 19 or 20 at the time). My brother who was probably about 22 or 23 was also involved on the church and on the retreat. After the retreat, my brother came to me and said, "You know, I know that Liar cheated on your friend and you guys had a bad falling out, but I really think you should reach out to him. He could use your friendship right now."
I said, "I didn't stop being friends with him because he cheated, I stopped being friends with him because he's a pathological liar and a bad person."
My brother said, "Even so, he's really going through something very serious and he could use yoru support--"
"--did he tell you he has cancer?"
"--well, yes. He gave a talk about it and what he's going through, he shared it with all the teens on the retreat and talked about his faith. He asked me not to say anything to you or our parents because there's a lot going on in his family and--"
"Yeah, he's lying. He's been lying about having cancer for YEARS. He does not have cancer as all of his ex-girlfriends, and his brother, and his parents can attest."
I knew one in HS and it ranged from the tiny things to major. I really have no clue what was true and what wasn't.
She said she was adopted, her mom was a drug addict but wait shed met her and she was just too busy traveling. She was on the rowing team at another high school as the cockswain, but couldn't pronounce that word. She was recording a CD with her a capella group and they were being whisked around by record labels in limos. She attended various balls and discussed her outfits at length. She was the world record holder in some track event- discus, maybe. She was sexually abused and had an eating disorder but not one we'd heard of. It went on and on.
Weird thing was my mom knew her mom, and I'd been to her house. She may have actually been adopted but her family was pretty wealthy. I'm not sure why she felt the need to make up so much to make her life sound better.
I had a friend in highschool that would make all sorts of outrageous claims and stories. She was always trying to convince me she could see dead people and had to help them move on. I usually just went with it because she seemed so convinced herself and i just did not have the energy to argue with her. One of the best/worst lies she told was that she was dying of eye cancer. After awhile of going on with this lie and nothing happening she eventually said it was all a mistake and that the doctors had mixed up her eye xrays with someone else's and of course she was just fine....
I used to work with a girl who was 20. She was always gossiping and chatting and stirring up trouble. When she first started working she would talk a lot about her ex and how they broke up because she can't have kids because she doesn't have a uterus anymore. She claimed to have had s hysterectomy. Fast forward about a year and she quit. And then word spread she was pregnant. And then she had a baby. All without a uterus apparently!
Not someone I really knew well, but was married to her brother so I heard a lot from the family. My sister-in-law would scam people constantly, convincing them that she had an art gallery in Palm Beach and was waiting for a wire transfer. She would literally be so indebted to so many people in the town she was living in, she had to leave. Next she convinced another town that she had cervical cancer and they started one of those 'jars at the grocery store ' campaigns. Needless to say, they were angry when they found out she was healthy and had not used the money on medical bills, but it was all spent. She moved yet again and found a man who actually fell for her. She had lied to him, but he forgave her when he found out. Then, karma actually kicked in. She found out she (legitimately) had terminal cancer. Passed away at 37. I'm not saying she, or anyone, deserves it, but it was as if her one of her lies finally became her reality.
He had a tattoo on his back, but he couldn't show anyone because he had a phobia of showing his back.
His name. His age, what his parents did for a living, his hobbies, his history present and future, he lied about every aspect of his life, he invented a son and an entire family. When we pulled him up on his lies, to try and help him he lied about them too. Last I heard he was married, I feel soo sorry for his wife. Unless she's a lie too?
This was maybe 5-6 years ago, short chubby bald guy, think Danny DiVito, -60% intelligence, -99% success.
-"I own a mint condition Yenko Camaro" He took a picture next to one at a car show
-"If you fill the coolant lines of your car with cement, it works better" (for context this was in reference to drag racing)
-"China is going to be in real trouble, Samsung is going bankrupt." (for context, when asked if this was related to the Apple lawsuit, his response was "no". I have no further information... I am aware they are a South Korean company and tried to share this information.)
+"My brother is a professional chicken choker" (Upon further investigation this was found to be true, his brother worked for Tyson)
I'm way too late for this, but my really good friend has always had a lying problem. They are never harmful so we actually kind get a kick out of it. Examples:
Her sister has had 18 brain tumors
Shes like...really close with Joe Biden.
Her real dad is an Israeli soldier (I've met her father and they couldnt look more alike)
She regularly has to fight off wolves in her back yard (Boston)
She almost died falling into rapids in Mexico but her dad jumped in and rescued her.
Funny thing is, my friend and I went out to eat with her parents once and her dad said "It's like the time in mexico we almost lost her to the river". Turns out that was true. I texted my friends and now we wonder if she's just the most interesting person alive.
Compulsive liar that I would humour and make it seems like I believed them.
Father was a spy for the government and practically lived in a private jet, which is why he allowed his wife to "remarry" to cover it up
Step father was in the mafia, and no one could bring it up around them or he would have them killed that day
He was a self-made millionaire, but really humble and didn't want to show his wealth, so he'd live like everyone else
before moving to my town as a teen, he was a professional skateboarder as a kid, but didn't want to give up his real name or all his old fans would find him
He once fought an escaped bear from the zoo, tackled it and waited for the zoo people to come get it. Rather than it be in the news that it escaped, the zoo gave him $10k and a free pass for life to the zoo....which he had lost and therefore can't ever use
There's probably more, but these are ones that stuck out. Haven't seen this person in over a decade, wonder if they are still up to it.
I knew a kid in high school who CONSTANTLY tried to prove he was more masculine, strong, and buff than any guy in school, despite him being a skinny little guy who barely touched 5'4". Turned out he had an awful home life, so his lying and macho-making was just sad to me, but anyway:
He said that he once randomly woke up, and had lost ten pounds overnight. He then went immediately to the "gym" (I use quotes because he goes to planet fitness, not an actual gym) and worked out for 4 hours, and when he went on the scale he gained his 10 pounds back. That was what he responded when I asked how his weekend went.
Short of cutting off a limb, you cannot lose 10 pounds overnight. Also, you will not gain weight while working out (especially at a place like planet fitness that has very little accommodations for strength training and is mostly cardio) unless you are eating massive amounts of calories in between every rep and are somehow not puking.
A brother and sister would like that their mom was in the CIA. She was always traveling on business. It turns out that she was a nursing center manager/inspector of some sort. I honestly don't know what to believe.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 19:58:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Multiple times I caught my ex wife fucked up. I'd say something like "just look in the mirror, you're high as fuck". Of course she claims she isn't.... never mind the oxycontin or percocet residue ALL OVER her fucking nose...aaaaaaaand what's why I have full custody of our children....
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 20:04:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I went into a game store with my buddies and apparently they were pals with the guy who owned the store. He was a short fat trollish looking human who did not appear to clean himself regularly. He spent most of his day playing LoL in the store screaming at the other players and masturbating in his upstairs office.
My buddies wind him up and bit and he starts telling the story of how he came to own the game shop, in his words:
Years ago he was struggling. He had done the main development work on Mario 64 but because he was American, the Japanese stole his work and never paid him. However when all seemed lost, he said he received a random PM on steam and it turned out to be this girl and her friends celebrating her 21st birthday. They allegedly worked out a deal to pay him $1M USD to sleep with all of them, to help them celebrate her friend's 21st birthday. He then used the money to open the game store.
10 "beautiful babes" paid this knuckle dragging troll 1 million dollars to fuck them. Uh huh. I still remember the elation on his face while he was telling the story. What a crack pot.
I knew this guy in college but I met him briefly in 9th grade before I transferred schools. The biggest reason I remembered him was because of his nose. It was large and squished in, like he had run into a wall and it squished and stayed that way. He didn't remember me from back then. Well he told people in college that the reason his nose was like that was because he was pistol whipped in the marines.
He was apparently born on a boat and it collided with another boat with his leg in between ALMOST severing his leg. It was able to be reattached. NO SCAR!!
He always seems to have some girlfriend on the other side of the country (so we conveniently never get to meet her). Gets engaged real fast. When it gets close to the time of the "wedding," suddenly they have to break up for some reason or another. One time he had break up with some girl because her dad had a heart attack in from of him and he had to save him. He said it freaked him out so he didn't want to see her anymore.
There are so many other stories I heard from him, but I haven't seen him for years so I can't remember. These are the main stories that stick out for me lol
There was this girl I worked with who ALWAYS had a "stalker". She always claimed he was sitting out in the parking lot watching her, or he follows her to grocery stores and whatnot. At first everyone believed her and would walk her to her car and go out to social events to protect her if he showed up. Later on she said he was finally in jail but the next week she claimed there was a new one. Turns out she was doing it all for the attention and once the attention went away after the first one was "jailed", she couldn't handle it. Also, we looked this guy up and there was no record of him being arrested (or even existing that we could find) I have another one but I'll do that in another comment.
I had a female friend who lied habitually. As a group we all knew she did it so most outlandish things she swore were true we just tutted, shrugged and said, "yeah okay".
So one night we went out clubbing... I'm not much of a clubber so I mostly sat on the periphery watching others enjoy themselves.
She goes off dancing and comes back to our table with this young lad. They're talking and then sucking each other's face all night.
Turns out, although we came on the bus he has a car and offers us a lift back to hers (so kind of him! So considerate!).
I'm staying at her place that night so we get to her house, I leave them gettin' busy and go to bed since I have to work in the morning.
The next morning I'm sitting at work and I get a phone call from the local police station. They asked could I please come to the station as soon as possible, they have some questions about the events that transpired the previous night.
I have no idea what's going on but I leave work and it only turns out that she's accused this guy of raping her.... so the police asked me about what I knew. I told them everything I knew about it (that she was very willing the last time I saw them and that he was still in the house in the morning when I left since his car was parked outside).
Given her propensity for lies, her quick temper and for enjoying her lovemaking with many partners... I assumed that he said something in the morning to piss her off and this was her way to get back at him.
I have no idea what happened after that really. She didn't really talk about it, no charges were filed against the lad and it was never bought up again.
I still wonder sometimes if, like we all assumed, she had filed falsely, in which case I feel terrible for the guy. Or whether she actually had changed her mind at some point and he kept going, in which case I feel terrible for not believing her...
Lets call him Bill. It starts out Bill going to the dealership to get a new car. Apparently the price for the car Bill wanted was too high for his liking, so how did he negotiate? He told the salesmen to "Go fuck yourself", then demanded half the price of which the salesmen was offering. Apparently the salesmen lowered the price multiple times, to which Bill would respond "Go fuck yourself" because he still wasn't satisfied with his price. Bill was now frustrated, so his new demand was that not only will they give him half the price off the car, but they will bring him Starbucks, and a grand piano to play in the dealership. Apparently Bill wound up playing a grand piano in the lobby of the dealership while drinking Starbucks and drove out the lot with a brand new car that he got for half price.
friend told me he was going to run a marathon. he never trained or anything and just ran from time to time but wasn't really serious about it. anyway, he left for this marathon at 9am in a town an hour away and arrived back at 1130am, claiming he had won his age group. anyone who can do simple arithmetic and knows anything about running knows how ridiculous this claim is.
I come across these types quite regularly. Every 4 years in fact. They always say they will do what's best for the country. It's become a rather long standing joke actually
I had an old close friend once tell me that he had bone cancer. I went out to dinner with him and his family and asked how the cancer treatments were going and how they were handling everything. They were confused as hell. Needless to say an awkward conversation ensued.
In late middle school I had a friend who told me that he had an elevator from his house to his grandma's, which he would take frequently. He said his family was rich and could afford such things. He just lived next door to her and tried to convince me constantly that it was true.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 20:16:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
A girl I was friends with since middle school used to tell our friends the craziest lies.
Here are some of the ones I remember:
-Her mom sold her into the sex slave industry when she was in 7th grade
-Her parents died when she was 2 so she lived in an orphanage that was run by strict nuns. A few months later, we met her mom
-In freshman year, she tried to convince everyone she was 6 months pregnant. She kept changing it between 6 months and 6 weeks, changing her mind on who the baby daddy was. When we told her we knew she wasn't pregnant, she said they messed up on her sonogram and switched it with someone else's???
-She told us after school one day that the love of her life died on Flight 77 and that he showed up at her house before he was going to board the plane. She claimed she had a bad feeling and told him not to go, but he did. Never mind that we were 5 years old when 911 happened and we live in Texas
-She used to piss her pet cat off so he could scratch her. She would then tell everyone that she cut herself because she was so emo and had to go to therapy for self harming. (Her mom later told us she never went to therapy for that reason)
-She said she slept with everyone in the band A Day To Remember and was pregnant with all of their babies. Meaning she was carrying 5 babies at the time
-We lived right on the border of Mexico, so she said she used to sell cocaine for El Chapo and claimed she was his "right hand man" because he was her uncle
-She said a boy she was dating died because his mom punched him really hard. She also said he was a victim of a hit and run. And that his karate instructor killed him. And that he killed himself playing his guitar by strangling himself.
In middles school my group of friend had a girl in our group that was a large compulsive liar. I think my other friends probably heard crazier shit then I did but here is what I remember:
She was in an up and coming band. Had me listen to it over the phone once or twice. It was Paramore we had listen to it before on my Ipod.
The guitarist in her band Jake(?) had a crush on me and had me talk to him. Still not sure if it was her or her little brother. It was catfishing but over the phone.
That her father throw her out of a window and that's why her arms were cut up. She picked at her acne.
She was going to be the next Bam or Tony Hawk. She could only ride a skateboard no tricks.
That her boyfriend was Albert Wesker from the video game. It was most likely a guy online that was probably catfishing her or maybe it was her.
She was in a fight club. That's why she had a black eye. Very certain this was her father.
She had a job at a sex shop. She was 12 years old.
-She told crazier stories like her having epic battles and saving mankind. I played Silent Hill and Resident Evil at the time and so did she. Most of her epic battles were all the main battles in the games, so I'm pretty sure the other were from other video games.
Well none of us called her out on this shit because we were all certain that her father was beating her and it was the only thing she had going for her. I slept over at her house once to see what her home life was like and to see if her dad was as shitty as we thought. Turns out he was shitty and scary as fuck. We pissed her father off for being loud, typical preteen girls playing scary video games fun, the next morning he shoved me very forcefully into the couch. Pretty sure if I hit the wall it would have been a lot worse then me being fucking terrified. Tried to get my mom to call child services but was told I'm never sleeping at her house again.
Sorry for bad grammar and misspells.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 20:19:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
co-worker is a cow. she swears by the book she use to be a swim suit model in Sweden and i've confronted her for some picture proof. "they all burned in a house fire"
same co-worker says she can never lose weight because she's tried everything. stated she use to train all the now professionals you see on tv. confronted her about it and told her to come to the gym with me and "show me some things" (im an avid power lifter) she cant due to her messed up schedule (bitch i know your schedule, we work in the same office)
best one yet
a fellow co worker asked me about scuba diving and was interested and the land cow chimes in:
"i use to scuba dive without a tank. I can stay underwater for about 10 minutes"
me: yeah you probably could since you're a manatee (i got in trouble for this one, but it was well worth it)
This will get buried but why not. I knew a girl and I never knew her entire backstory but it was clearly shady. She returned to our city after having been gone a long time, with an infant son. She said his father had died but I never knew the exact details. She at first seemed cool and mysterious, she was a decent musician, and had lots of stories about being on the west coast and meeting various famous musicians when she was younger. She did legit have a Polaroid of a probably 21 year old Bono in a scrapbook so at first I was dazzled by her, she was older than me, and seemed to have lived all this experience, man. Anyway it soon became clear that she lied constantly. She told me her mom wasn't living, then a few months later introduced me to her mom. She had various stories about where she had lived, the kid's dad, and the timelines never quite made sense.
But the most egregious--she claimed to have known Kurt Cobain briefly before he died. She said they met at some kind of small local show, and talked about depression. She said Courtney was awful and jealous of him speaking to her so they left and as he stood to leave he said to her, "Keep passing the open windows." This is a quote from The Hotel New Hampshire she told me and explained it's significance. In her mind this made it even sadder he killed himself.
A few months later, she tells me about meeting the Gin Blossoms at another small club before they got famous. She tells me about chatting with Doug Hopkins, the founding member who killed himself in 1993. She says they talked about depression, music, he was a great guy, it was clearly really deep and meaningful, and as he stood to leave, he said to her "Keep passing the open windows".
I felt badly for her because clearly she had some tortured artist shiz going on, but after that I felt like I couldn't believe anything she'd ever told me about herself and therefore I didn't really know her at all.
My cousins ex wife announced her pregnancy at my little sisters graduation party. No one believed her and started questioning her.
"How do you know you're pregnant? When did you take a test? Have you been to the doctor?"
Her response, "All of my pregnancy tests said I wasn't pregnant and we (she and my cousin) went to the doctor and he said I wasn't pregnant, but after (my cousin) left the room I told the doctor I was LACTATING and he said 'oh then you're totally pregnant'"
Then a week later she called my mom and I to tell us she had a miscarriage two weeks ago.
Told professors, friends, and everyone else that he would be absent often during the semester because he had lung cancer, and needed a lung transplant. Not only is getting lung cancer at 23 really really rare, but he doesn't even smoke. He also lied about having a girlfriend at another school (didn't have any photos, she didn't have a Facebook, whatever), and having jobs that he obviously didn't, as confirmed by friends who actually worked at these places.
One of my girlfriends childhood friends. So much bullshit to pick from.
My personal favorite is that one of the guys from shark tank was flying her out to NYC to hear her sing because he was dying from cancer and her voice was his only medicine.
This one time a guy told us that in one traffic stop he got 96 points on his record....but only got his license suspended for the summer. Only the summer. He got his license back labor day weekend...
I once had a coworker who asked me how my weekend went. After telling her (female about 40 y/o) about my mediocre weekend she proceeded to tell me about how her fiance (who she compulsively lied about existing and lived in London) flew her to London from Kentucky on his private jet because he didn't want to have to go to dinner with the royal family by himself. So she had to stop in New York so she could buy suitable attire before going to what was ultimately a rather boring evening at Buckingham Palace. If you're going to lie, lie big.
My estranged sister was a compulsive liar, and also not very bright. This led to many comically transparent lies.
The last Christmas I had to spend with her, she freaked out when she saw me add a little bit of mayonnaise to the whipped potatoes I was making. She said her son had a severe allergy to mayonnaise. "He could die!"
"So wait, he's allergic to eggs?" "No."
"He's allergic to vegetable oil?" "No."
"He has a rare vinegar allergy?" "No, of course not."
"So what is he allergic to, specifically? This is important to know, since we're all preparing a communal meal." "I ALREADY TOLD YOU, HE'S ALLERGIC TO MAYONNAISE. HE COULD DIE."
And this is with the kid standing right there, poor little guy.
A guy I went to high school with was (is) a compulsive liar, mostly in the area of one upping anyones story. It got frustrating because the lies he would tell were so obviously lies that I could only assume he must have thought we were idiots.
One of the best was him claiming to have gotten a cute teachers phone number, we called him out and when he went to show her to us in contacts he slowly realized he must have deleted it.
My personal favorite was his list of university choices, he had been given full scholarships to several universities for various sports including a rugby scholarship, a hockey scholarship, and even one he was given for being "a good all around athlete", which we nicknamed his gym class hero scholarship. He must have turned them all down because he chose to instead be a server at a pasta joint.
He once told me he had a burger for lunch when he had pizza. For some reason this one bothered me way more than all the others combined.
ki299 · 2 points · Posted at 20:28:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My mother is a compulsive liar Among many of the things wrong with her But anyway..
I came up 800 miles to visit for Christmas week and she didn't show up at all to come see me. She told us that she was busy Getting her dog put down at a shelter two days before Christmas... I looked up the hours of all of the shelters around within a reasonable area and they were all closed for basically that week because of the holidays.
I found out that my mother went to go get some cocaine and basically get completely fucked up... its a few years later now she is still fucked up and still has her dog.. Along with all her kids that she can hardly afford to feed.
I could go on forever with many stories and examples of her lies but i wont.
tl:dr
my mother is horrible human that leeches off the government and does a lot of drug and does nothing but lie.
I had a friend in high school whose boyfriend was a compulsive liar. He told her he was having open heart surgery the next day and said he had a 30% chance of living. The day after the "surgery" she saw him riding a scooter and confronted him about it. His excuse was that his doctor gave him the scooter to exercise his heart. Surprisingly she stayed with him after all this.
I grew up with a guy whose mom paid for the down payment on his home. He denied it, I knew the realtor, and went on to tell me that he saved all of his birthday money, allowance, milestones, etc. Straight face too.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 20:30:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Kid in highschool claimed that his parents had a private bridge that stretched from Key West to Cuba that only they were allowed to travel on by permission of Fidel Castro. Yeah.
Also had a friend who was dating a compulsive liar who claimed she owned 10 high performance street racing cars. Girl didn't even have a drivers license. Every time I asked "can we see them?", there would be some excuse like they were all locked up in high security storage, or that all of them were being worked on, etc.
That stuff didn't nearly bother me as much as her lying about stupid little shit, like saying she had seen a movie when I could tell she hadnt. I would always corner her with questions about the plot, or who her favorite character was and why, and blah blah blah, and she could never give e a straight answer. Example, she claimed she had seen Cannibal! The Musical, and that it was one of her all time favorite movies.
"Oh really? What's your favorite song?"
"......they're just all so good I can't choose"
"Just pick one. Any one."
"....I just can't decide between any of them"
"Name one song from the movie"
"............."
She also claimed she was a big time drug dealer when she was 11. That was another funny one.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 20:33:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I wonder what pathological liars who are reading this thread think. Do they realize they have a problem?
Devoff · 1 points · Posted at 22:21:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"they" do
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:46:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend who lied he has cancer to keep his then girlfriend from breaking up with him. He claimed he was part of a wealthy mafia that his family started. He said was a drug trafficker and was banking a lot of money. This was an obvious lie because he had a huge tab at a local hookah lounge and he was couch jumping.
Probably too late, but: 1st roommate I ever had was a real piece of work (and by "work" I mean "shit"). He told me that he saw Slenderman when he was a kid. Oh yeah, and also the dog from smile.jpg. Basically every internet horror-hoax that exists, yep, he's seen it in real life and it's all real! One day I came home from work and the internet was cut off. He says "Oh, they accidentally cut off our internet but said they would turn it back on for a $20 fee, I think we should just try to get internet from another company b/c that's BS!" It was bullshit, dude just stopped paying the bill, OF COURSE. One day he gets fired from Target. Tells us this story about how he was framed for stealing from them but then was found to be innocent, and that he considered suing, but just felt it was better to cut his losses and leave. ACTUALLY, the arrest section of the town newspaper informed us that he did indeed steal from Target (he stole fucking giftcards lol) and that the cops arrested him and everything, but he was freed when Target decided to just fire him instead of pressing charges. It got to a point where he could say "hello" and I'd still be skeptical.
Friend told me that when he went to San Francisco for an internship he met another intern, let's call her Hannah. Anyways my friend told me that they were messing around and that she wanted to have sex but he didn't have any condoms. So what he said was that the closest Gas Station was 10 miles away and that he ran there and back in 30 minutes (This is from a guy who had a heat stroke from running for 10 minutes). He said he bought 3 condoms and had sex 4 times reusing 1 condom...
Another one from the same friend was him having sex with his neighbor..
Him meeting a cancer patient who hacked into his phone and got into his files. He ended up becoming friends with her and told us all about it...
He and a group of hackers were in a chat room when someone from ISIS joined without being invited and they had to stop him from hacking everyone...
That he hacked into our phones through the WiFi and saw all the messages and files on our phones. He even tried to make up stories that we talked to someone when we haven't spoken to them for ages. He said he did this so that he can input his firewall so he can protect us from other hackers
Yea....
This same friend didn't even graduate high school.
He has had this one going for a while with those of us pursuing law enforcement/federal security careers. He allegedly had/has an internship with CIA. Believable, right? Yes, it is.... until he claimed that he has been working in espionage, has clearance to nuclear weapons, and helped escort the mayor of Memphis, TN, to safety during a publicly undisclosed terrorist attack. Bullshit.
This one makes me mad. During a fraternity retreat, he brought all of us brothers together in a room to tell us he was dying of a degenerative brain disease and that he only had six months at best to live. He "couldn't remember the name of the disease," and had a few of our more gullible brothers in tears. He also told us not to ask or mention it to his family because it would upset them (big red flag). This was almost a year ago. The last time a brother brought it up, he said he was on an experimental drug (which he also "couldn't remember the name of") that was reversing the effects. Again, bullshit.
This ex friend of mine once a year used to tell us she went to Korea. Never a single photo of hers in Korea on her social media. She give as "proof" photos of some korean cosmetic items that she can buy at any dedicated store. Plus she says she is half korean but in truth she is 100% pure Andean heritage.
I love M&Ms. I always have them in stock. When I purchase a large bag, I pour them into a sealable jar to keep them fresh and leave them on the counter. I always ask my wife if she wants any, and she says "no" every single time.
But I couldn't believe a human being wouldn't want at least a couple of M&Ms now and again. I mean, she likes chocolate. So I thought she may be sneaking M&Ms while I was out of sight.
This began my daily ritual of weighing the M&M jar on a digital kitchen scale each morning while she is in the shower, logging the weight, and then comparing it when I return home.
That little liar has been eating an average of about 3 M&Ms per day.
Devoff · 1 points · Posted at 21:50:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
maybe she said no cuz she already had some
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 20:51:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That she jumped off of a local bridge, hit her head on a rock, and lived, her dad had one arm, that she had cancer, and that she was abused at home when she in fact wasn't. Friends and I compiled all of her daily lies over a few months and gave her the papers of them one day. She wasn't happy.
My ex ... we had dated for three months, back in ninth grade. He lived about thirty minutes away and we never got to see each other so I broke it off. After breaking it off according to him his life went to shit.
He started messaging me and my sister on facebook these are in no particular order but all happened in a two week period:
Hit by a car
Became addicted to crack
Got in a fight at a public school that won't even allow them to go in with cell phones much less weapons and was stabbed
two days later got stabbed at school again
I then saw unexpectedly saw him skateboarding with the guy he said stabbed him and he definitely wasn't in pain from being ran over or stabbed... until I walked up to him and said "oh you seem to be doing well considering what you've been through lately" and then he started limping and holding his back. We still laugh at him to this day
guy i once knew, who happens to be a complete sociopath, used to tell every one he had to clean up his dead best friends room after he had shot himself with a shotgun. sometime later his dad told me this wasnt true and that after the suicide he avoided going to his house for a very long time, so it's impossible that he was there to clean up the crime scene gore.
i can't believe most of these reposes. Great stuff. Mine isn't nearly as good, but I know a guy who claims he lived with a colony of Buddhist monks in Tibet, and didn't speak for a year.
He also says he witnessed the monks, during a tantric meditative event of course, levitate a 2,000 lb. boulder 3 inches off the ground.
oh, man, too bad i'm seeing this so late. i'm like a magnet for pathological liars! the worst liar:
said he can't get laid because he fucks minimum 8-10 hours as hard & fast as he can and word spread to all women that he destroys pussies, so they're all scared of his dick.
said he was playing around on a guitar at sam goody and bono from u2 happened to be there, heard him & was so impressed he told him to come audition for the band because he'd love to have him but he needed to run it by the rest of the band first. he claimed he didn't do it because he couldn't get to ireland and didn't want to sound demanding asking them to fly him there.
claimed he stopped an armed robbery at a 711 by himself & disarmed the 4 robbers but left quickly before the news crew or police arrived because he didn't want attention.
claimed he hit a home run over 800 feet and would have signed with a major league team but he hurt his knee before the draft and couldn't play anymore.
plus lots more but that's what i remember for now.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 21:09:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I dated one once - his lies weren't as ridiculous as the other stories here, but it's the reason I broke up with him.
I was drunk and his lap top was sitting on his bed. I tripped on the cord and the computer smashed onto the ground. I offered to pay to have it fixed. I take it into the repair shop, and a couple days later he calls me and tells me the shop called him and his computer is ready. The store closes a 4, and I am working til 3 about an hour outside of town. I rush there and get there with 5 minutes or so to spare, only for them to tell me the computer isn't ready yet. I asked him why he told me it was ready when it wasn't, and he said he "must have called the wrong shop". Like why would a random shop your computer isn't at, tell you your computer is ready to be picked up?
He didn't have a car (now a requirement for me in any boyfriend I date), but I don't like driving all that much, so I would let him drive us around. One day we pull up to his parent's house, and his mother asks me why he is driving. I said he wanted to. She tells me not to let him do that because he doesn't have a driver's license! I tell him his mom said he didn't have a driver's license, and he says he does, but he can't show it to me because he left it at his old house in another city?
-I made pretty good money, and he lied (by a lot) about how much he made to make it sound like he made more money than me. I saw one of his pay stubs.
-One time he invited me to some event, and I told him I couldn't go because it was my friend's birthday. He told me he had already bought my ticket, and it was nonrefundable. When we get to the event, he paid for the tickets. I didn't even catch on to this until after we broke up and I was thinking about all the things he lied about. For that same event, I was supposed to be at his house at a certain time, but I text him and told him I was running late. I'm going to say I was about an hour late. A couple weeks later, his friends yelled at me how he had told him I was 3 hours late and didn't even call, and how rude that is. Considering I didn't even want to go, he was lucky I showed up at all!
He actually did THAT a lot. Would say he had booked a hotel or a camp site or whatever, even though he didn't.
I feel like I'm a really honest person - lying doesn't even cross my mind as an option most of the time, or if it does, I can't think up a decent lie quickly enough (unless it were a simple yes or no type of question) - so I couldn't be with someone who lies like that. It really kind of creeps me out.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 21:17:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Background: He's a very wealthy guy (family money) who went to a very prestigious college and proceeded to take 6.5 years to graduate with a 2.5 GPA in physics. He simply refused to do the work. He spent the vast majority of his time hanging out at his fraternity house, where he was somewhat of a chapter-wide joke/punching bag. He did crazy things like wear a $600 plaid suit to a paint party and bring massive bottles of insanely expensive alcohol to random parties, but he was best known for his ridiculous lies.
Some of his best were
He claimed to be living on a boat he purchased with money made from good investments (he was living in a satellite house of his fraternity)
He claimed he had secured a job he could do remotely and was planning to sail around South America in his boat while making six figures (he had no boat and worked for university admissions for $12 an hour).
He claimed to have had 65 drinks in one night (he blacked out around 15 and the bartender was giving him water shots. His bill had 20 drinks on it, some of which he'd bought for friends/girls).
He claimed to have taken the MCAT just for fun without studying and scored a 39 (99th percentile) (he never took the MCAT, he was on academic probation most of his college career).
He claimed to have bought his shiny red classic Ferrari, which he polished in his fraternities driveway every day for an entire semester, with his own money (it was his dad's car).
He claimed to be able to drive from downtown Baltimore to the heart of DC in 25 minutes (no one can do this without a powerful sports car, no traffic, and 0 cops on the road).
Apart from those there were the typical lies. He must have claimed to have slept with at least 50 girls he never slept with. He lied about how much money he had all the time. He claimed his money came from his own business ventures rather than his parents. He lied about setting the curve on exams. It goes on.
He was also the kind of guy who would do shit like put you on the spot asking to drive your car in front of a bunch of people so you felt like you had to say yes (I never did, but I saw him do this to other people). Meanwhile, he's an awful driver who was known for totaling his vehicles and driving drunk on a regular basis (even with unknowing passengers after a party). He was the sort of guy who would have a sober person offer to drive his car home, and he'd refuse and try to pressure that person into letting him drive them home instead.
Things I remember (there were too many things said to count)
"I bench 650" -scrawny 16 year old
From russia, trained by KGB
on a camping trip this guy was found drinking a coke, when accused of stealing from the only guy who had coke he claimed he found it in a vending machine in the woods, when he couldnt locate the vending machine, he said someone must have moved it.
general nonsense about fighting off bullies/home intruders/bad guys
He told me that Kanye bought one of his beats. I really REALLY love this dude though, hes my best friend I just don't believe it for a second. He lies about grandiose shit to our friend group but he doesn't lie to hurt people so I just give him the old 'smile and nod'.
I used to work with a morbidly obese girl who was clearly very sad. Literally every single conversation would be a continuation of a fantasy world she had created. She lied about being engaged twice, that she was looking after twin children as a foster parent because a family member died, that she had to get a dangerous dog license for her dogs because of the kids and so on. Every single word she said was fiction.
This in of itself is just sad, what makes this truly remarkable was that she was sharing a house with someone who also worked at the same company and they drove in to work together every morning. There was simply no possible way her lies could stand up.
It was really sad and I wouldn't be surprised if she is dead now.
Shit story but just a heads up, compulsive liars are probably extremely unhappy.
Having been a compulsive liar, I can at least say for sure that I was and frequently still am extremely unhappy and had very low self esteem. Lying almost becomes an addiction
Still friends with this person. (Friend with benefits for a while)
Told me one morning that she was black out drunk during sex with the fine line of "any other girl would have considered it rape". My reply was "so that's how I woke up in the middle of the night with you naked on top of me".
Told me countless times that she couldn't get pregnant but wanted kids (I'm smart enough not to take that at face value). Later said someone got her pregnant and had to have an abortion.
She just "didn't understand" how she woke up naked in another mans bed and got pregnant, because both her and the man were blackout drunk. We both know this man, and it's not her boyfriend.
I actually confronted her on the last one. Basically said that either you knew/he knew/or both mutually had sex, otherwise it was rape. she just replied with I believe him (that he didn't know). This is the same person happy to tout feminism, and 'rape' culture without a second wind.
Used to have a pen pal in Hull, England, in the 1980s that would write the most amazing lies... The last letter was "Sorry I hadn't written for awhile, but.. 1) A friend of mine is hiding from the I.R.A. and I had to drive him to some town 100 miles away; 2) Might have cancer (or some other disease)- but seems to be ok now; 3) Met with some famous pop star who wants to record my songs [can't remember who]; 4) Girlfriend might be pregnant; 4) Dog died.
He tried to connect with me on FB recently... looks absolutely terrifying. I declined.
sigh my ex. He invented the pretzel, he was turned down for the army because he would be too dangerous in combat. He was an official state of Colorado registered ninja and his hands/feet were registered lethal weapons. He used to be the drummer for KISS, he was close personal friends with some members of Slipknot. He had a bunch of diseases named after him. He had personal ties to some sort of Denver mafia. He could make a gun out of anything. He was a certified genius. He "had a hand" in creating dungeons and dragons. He wrote "homestar runner" under a pseudonym. He hinted that he actually was cheesy 80's singer Bryan Adams.
A guy I went to High School with. A few of my favorites.
1.) While on a dirt bike he hit a jump, did a backflip, and landed in the bed of a moving pickup truck.
2.) While at a bar (keep in mind he is like 17 at this point) a black guy (he made sure to note he was black) pulled a knife on him. He kicked the knife into the air and grabbed it, which scared the other guy into leaving the bar.
3.) My favorite. He asked the teacher if he could run to his locker to get a HW assignment. I had to use the restroom so I followed him out. He also went to the bathroom, and never even went to his locker. Dude loved lying so much he would even lie about going to his locker vs the bathroom.
A guy I work with, bless him... He is really nice, but just feels the need to appear more interesting than he is.
~He is a direct descendant from Vlad The Impaler aka Dracula.
~He can hold his breath under water for 8 minutes because he has DNA similar to a dolphin. A quote 'I simply have TOO much Hemoglobin in my blood.'
~Once a knife fell off his desk and stabbed into his leg. At that very moment his girlfriend wanted to have sex with him. Once he had 'finished her off' he passed out from blood loss.
~He has to wear a silver necklace because if he doesn't he gets 'agro' at full moon and 'can't control himself'.
~Ex Frontman of a Metalica tribute band.
~He used to be ghost hunter and is still visited by the recently dead in his dreams, but of course he isn't allowed to talk about that anymore because he has recently 'found his faith' again.
Way too many to remember them all but we all just go along with it because it's funny as hell. Again, nice guy but damn... He doesn't know when to stop!
I know one! A knew a guy from high school who told me that after an accident (a real one) that his doctor told him he had internal bleeding. When I asked why he wasn't rushing to the hospital, he told me it was a slow bleed and he has months to come up with the money for the surgery. Then he tells me Christmas is his "expiration date" per his doctor. This boy told his mother he was going to die on Christmas. Christmas was months away at this point. Magically December 26th comes and he's still alive. I tried to give him an out to save face at this point but no. He told me scientists were so amazed he survived that they believe he has genetically superior blood and they were going to do studies. No results have come in and this was ten years ago. He's still alive and, from what I can tell, still lying.
claimed to be engaged but when I talked to her "fiance" said nope and asked "Is she still telling people that?"
-said she was the most popular girl (doubtful because weeaboos usually aren't) in school but then she dropped out, lied that she got her GED
-said her family was super rich until her dad made "too much money" (actually committed fraud to Marines)
-claimed that her "fiance" was filthy rich but they lived in a rundown apartment
-borrowed money to go to an anime convention and said she would pay it back/not to tell her "fiance" (because he has a lot of money and doesn't want her to borrow) . . . It took a potential small claim lawsuit to pay back $320
-lied that her "fiance" was going to buy her a super expensive car or a boob job
-had three pregnancies but conveniently miscarried when asked for proof
-tried to claim every female that talked to her "fiance" wanted to sleep with him
A guy I used to train with, this is his best story.
He was attacked by a Ninja Master, who, after he defended himself perfectly for the 20 minute fight, invited him to train in the forbidden city in China. He went and spent most of a year there.
He was 25 when he told us this story, I kid you not.
One kid back in 7th/8th grade. Every school has this kid. Every school probably has multiples of this kid..
The usual list of grammar school lies:
He was goalie on a traveling hockey team; was already being scouted by the Blackhawks (kid was so fat he didn't fit into the school's gym uniforms.)
His uncle worked for Nintendo so he got all the games before they came out
He got unlimited free candy because his family owns a candy company (this one may have been true though.)
He would take his BB gun on the weekends and hide by the basketball courts at the park and shoot the air pockets out of kids' sneakers
He had a corvette waiting for him when he turned 16
He was a "pro" laser tag player and knew where all of the secret compartments and passageways are at the local laser tag place. We invited him to one of our birthday parties at said laser tag place but he didn't come. In retrospect probably because he was too fat to wear the battery pack belt that you had to wear back then (1991.)
That kid would go on to be infamous for breaking his arm in an incident where he got hit by a car while dancing in the street while waiting for the school bus. A week later he broke his other arm doing the exact same thing. That's not a lie because we all saw it happen.
Guy I knew in high school told told me some crazy stories.
-he had a all expenses paid trip to Vegas but didn't go because he forget to print the tickets
-he was top in the world at multiple racing games but he couldn't show because his brother played on his account.
I knew a girl in high school who insisted she was a model and she had no time for anyone. She would stop you in mid-conversation and say "hold on its my agent" and just start yapping into the phone likes she little miss busy. MIND YOU there was never a ring or a vibrate before hand. Yes I'm male and I can safely say if I was a modelling agent I wouldn't let her model gloves.
"One time some buddies and I dressed up in SWAT gear and busted a friend's party in a bad neighborhood and when he was freaking out I pulled up my mask and revealed it was just a prank"
"My friends and I have fight clubs on a farm outside town once a month. The only rule is no face shots, since we have work."
"There's this british girl I know from my cosplay group who wants me to dump my girlfriend and come live with her in her incredible mansion, the only requirement being we have sex every day. She even video called me and walked around, so I know it's real."
Met a Scottish guy who was a friend of a friend once. He told us all these ridiculous stories about how many degrees he had, how his dad was CEO of BP and how he was now so rich he never needed to work again.
At the end of our night out it turned out he lived miles away and had nowhere to stay. Made up stories about a taxi strike and not liking hotels so he could stay on our sofa.
When asked why all the taxis in Edinburgh were on strike in the middle of the Fringe festival his response was "that's the thing.. I just don't know!"
Can't remember his real name, but we now all call him the last king of Scotland
I told him a story a while back about my friend Johnny waking up after a one night stand with a 40 year old to find her pissing on his feet.
The cunt then told me the exact same story about a week later. But it was HIS friend Johnny (he doesn't know Johnny by the way, 0 mutual friends) - he'd added the bowl that the lady has placed under Johnny's feet so she didn't piss on her carpet, he added a full conversation between the participants, Johnny's fictional reaction to said pissing and a load of other details.
I dated a compulsive liar for 10 years. The trick to picking out her lies is when she anticipates my reaction to something she is about to tell me and already gives me a rebuttal before I even have a chance to comprehend what's going on. At least that's how it was in my case.
Real life example:
My ex was bugging me about adopting a dog for a few weeks. I love dogs. I love them so much that I would never adopt one unless I knew I could financially and physically support it. We, unfortunately, were not at a place that we could do that. We discussed it...agreed it would be a bad idea.
One night, I noticed she was looking up dog for adoption on the computer. I didn't mention anything and just sent on with my day.
The next day, she came bursting into my work..."You will never guess what happened...I was driving to Target and someone left this poor doggy on the side of the road with no food or water or anything. I know we said we couldn't afford a dog but, I couldn't let this poor pup die on the side of the road right?"
I calmly looked her in the eyes and said, "SO.....are you sure this dog didn't come from one of the adoption pages you were looking at last night and you made up that story so I would feel guilty and have to take the dog in?"
A customer I was helping out at the time immediately followed with, "oh snap! You got called out!"
In college I lived with a guy who pretended to be attending classes. He just played WoW all day, went to bed at 4am, and slept in past noon. One time I was walking down the stairs and saw him come out of his room (it was on the main floor) wearing a backpack and then he went out the back door outside. I proceeded to go to the living room and I looked out the side windows and could just see the top of his head as he walked around the entire house, then up the front stairs, and then back into the house where I ran into him and as he threw off his backpack he said "Oh hey! Yeah I just got back from class!".
One time in elementary school, my friend (he mostly just followed me around at recess) tried convincing me that his gf gave birth to his daughter in Las Vegas after they met 3 months ago while he was on vacation there with his family. Keep in mind, we were in 3rd grade.
A buddy from HS just couldn't ever stop himself from lying. He'd go on with the most ridiculous stories if anyone listened. I ran into him after I'd graduated from college and was working at an on-campus recruitment event.
He said he was still in college because he joined the army and was now an army ranger, transferred from a junior college to Cal, but transferred out to a State school because "Cal was too easy," took up boxing and "won the Golden Gloves," started judo at Cal and went all state while he was there, was currently on his way to judo training, and was also an army medic on the weekends. This all supposedly happened in the 3 years since I'd seen him last.
My brothers friend. He know's I'm an ex-Marine, and he thought he could convince me he was a green beret in Fallujah during Operation: Iraqi Freedom. He would have been like 12. He also told me about how his Gunnery Sgt commended him for some heroic bullshit. I pointed out to him that Gunnies are only in the Corps. He said, "Well, I mean whatever the army equivelant is". He also claims he worked for Blackwater in Afghanistan, and now he's currently in training to be a secret service agent.
I haven't seen him in a while, but every time I do, I'm genuinely worried I might end up beating him to death.
Edit: Ok I guess he's done being a secret service agent, now he's helping test military exoskeletons on secret missions. This is according to his facebook which I just had my bro check...
-- His parents were founders of CBS but died in a plane crash so he was adopted by a family who only adopted him because of the monthly stipend from his inheritance. However, he looked identical to everyone in his family who I met and they also lived in the boonies way far away from Hollywood where he had supposedly grown up. Also I looked online for any mention of CBS founders, executives, or anyone important who had died in a plane crash and found nothing.
-- He and his birth family were the models for the Addams Family comic strip. Problem with this one? He was born in the 60's and the comic strip was first published in 1938.
-- He claimed his model train set was the original from the Addams Family TV show. I'm pretty certain it was a replica since it looked awfully shiny and new. Though he did have the track rigged up to blow up (i.e. the bridge popped off with a puff of smoke) and crash the train.
18 year old kid in school tells everyone he is a marine. Says he has been in for four years. The actual veterans and basically everyone else won't talk to him.
I was dating this girl that told me a number of lies that she managed to string together. She claimed to be a part of a fighting club in Chicago (we lived in a suburb). That a number of her friends at the fight club were very jealous that I was dating her. Last but certainly not least, one of the kids at the fight club, who was previously in juvie, was trying to kill me. We were 11.
A friend's roommate in college was constantly popping ridiculous crap out, here's a few I remember:
-stepped on a rattlesnake, killed it with his hands, made it into a belt
-drove LeBron James' dad's H3 hummer
-flew with his girlfriend in a private airplane that she owned from Ohio across the border into Canada and back (not sure this is legal)
-wrote the main cadence in the movie drumline (was 12 when it came out)
-received a "scholarship offer" to run track for the University of Michigan. There really was an official U of M packet of paper on his desk but my buddy looked at the content and it was a transfer application
He was one of those kids whose clothing and personality would change based on who he hangs out with. Examples: Preppy kid, country boy, athlete (complete with wrist tape and eye black for flag football), armed forces member, inner city thug
For some reason I haven't spoken to him since college...
Had a coworker who was in the airforce. I don't doubt that, but what he said that I do doubt is that he was an A-10 pilot. He said he was in northern Iraq during the first golf war protecting the Kurds from Saddam. His A-10 flying days ended when he crashed his fighter during landing because he had a heart attack. He had a heart attack because they were all doing speed to stay awake during their missions. I have done what I could to see if there is any truth to his story and found nothing. He also was the most annoying person In The world if you ever tried to talk to him. But luckily he got fired last February. And they found a bunch of fucked up porn on his work computer after he left.
A little backstory: the summer before highschool, this kid moved from south Florida to my small hometown. Two of my friends and I were the first three people that he met. He immediately was attention seeking and acted very strangely and rudely to other people to try to impress us. He was very weird but became close with my boyfriend at the time, so he was always around.
He somehow became "popular"; assumedly because his mother always let us party at their house. They had a beautiful pool and guest house and we were always provided with food and alcohol and lots of pot and everyone just sort of shrugged off his bizarre behavior.
At some point several years later he hooked up with someone who was under aged (he was 17 and she allegedly lied and said she was a lot older. She gave him a bj, her mom finds out and presses charges. The local paper only referred to it sodomy, it was a wild ride) and ended up on house arrest and everyone still partied with him. I guess maybe from stress and too much partying, he started to deteriorate mentally? Idk, his bizarre behavior turned into pathological lying.
Here are some of the most bizarre lies:
-He told everyone that he was a CFO for a company (can't remember the name of the company, but we googled it and it existed. He, however, had no part in the company at all) and was slapping the companies stickers all over town. Pitching to us (we were in highschool..) for "investments". He went to the local skatepark and advertised a company funded skateboarding competition. He charged poor elementary school - middle school kids $5 entry and proceeded to just bail out with all of their money. Parents lost their shit on him. (Everyone new his name, small town, he was in the paper as stated previously, etc.) The middle school kids ended up jumping him and beating the shit out of him.
-He told us that he visited home (Cocoa Beach, Fl) and took these two hot girls from the bar (mind you, he was 17) down to the beach one night. While they were in the midst of having the dirtiest threesome ever, a NAVY SEAL comes out of the water and points to him and says, "we need you." The rest of the story was classified top secret, so he couldn't share anymore.
My all time favorite, though:
-He became a free mason which was "nothing like we thought it was". The free masons were ACTUALLY a "secret sect of the illuminati - a secret society of the most elite human beings on the planet". We "couldn't believe the men that he's shaken hands with and how much power he held, not only in the community, but the entire world". We would be hanging out at his house and he would leave for hours and come back and say that he got called for a top secret meeting at "base". You would walk with him into a gas station and once you walked out, he would swear that that nicely dressed old man gestured to him almost imperceptibly in a way that only a free mason would recognize.
These are only a few, there are more if anyone would like me to share. I always felt really sorry for him, despite him basically being a terrible human being in other ways.
Claims to work for the CIA and have a bunch of connections and how he has killed people and a bunch of other crazy bullshit
He never sleeps
He is first in either the state or country in singing
How he sees sound
Claims to stalk people
Claims he wrote a book on quantum mechanics (he studies political science)
Tried convincing some friends that he knew architecture and it was safe to remove all the structural support beams that are in the basement of a four story building we own. He tried convincing an architect and mechanical engineer this none the less
And by this point I don't pay attention.
Also he spent an hour trying to convince me 9/11 was an inside job
Got tons of stories from this guy Max I used to work with. He would tell us his girlfriend couldn't have sex with him because he was so big he tore her vagina. He told us he could deadlift 1,500 pounds. He said he was late to work because he was held up at gun point and it took 2 hours for cops to get there. My favorite is his theory about his ford ranger. He said if he turned it off and back on while driving it became asupercharged v8 that had approximately 700 horsepower. I really wish I was making this up.
Back in high school, I hung out around the Christian kids, and one of the girls told all of them that I was a practicing Wiccan which lead them all to reject me the week before I turned 16.
When they found out that she lied, they crawled back to me.
The following year, she told us she had terminal cancer and she was moving away soon to get treatment, and she only had 4 months to live. When we came back after Christmas (and she still hadn't moved away) someone asked her why she was still alive.
claimed to be the daughter of 'someone as bad as hitler but not as well known' (think he was supposed to be dead, not sure)
hunted by enemies of said father, so very hushhush about real name and stuff
partner was a songwriter, and identical cousin to a main member of famous boy band (they supposedly wrestled on MTV at some point)
said she became pregnant, said she miscarried, which was later told as had a baby (born in the 4th or 5th month of pregnancy), which were later told as both being true because they were twins, one survived (I guess?), but no sound, no nothing of that child.
Rather sad stories, really. There were more, but almost 15 years ago, I don't remember.
wrgsta · 2 points · Posted at 22:49:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My buddy said that he found a roadkill polar bear in Arizona while hitchhiking. Also, this man makes a living as a circus clown, so you expect this kind of shit.
wrgsta · 1 points · Posted at 22:22:29 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
The act of theatrical comedy is one of escapism. The clowns in circus, and circus in general, reinforce the desire to escape, by any means necessary, the drudgeries of a monotonous existence. Lying as storytelling is that perfect vehicle.
Back in high school we knew a girl who was a compulsive liar. She tried out for the softball team and was the only one cut. When I saw her in class, I asked her how it went, and she told me "I didn't make the team because the coach said its not okay to have tattoos."
So I asked her what kind of tattoo she had. She said she had gotten it removed over the weekend.
Same girl, a year later, said she was pregnant and when we came back from Spring Break she told everyone she had the baby and gave it up for adoption.
This guy that I used to work with, Murr (what we called him because he hated it, actually name murray.) told everyone that he had his D class license. Took a look in his wallet, G class license. Dumb fuck, if you're gonna lie about something, at least lie about something that doesn't take 5 seconds to disprove.
Late to the party as always, but there was a girl I worked with while bussing at a restaurant. We'll call her "Mel".
No any really long stories to tell, but here's a few of her lies.
She had a pet monkey as a kid, that was her best friend, but it died when it had sneaked through the front door and jumped into the windshield of a car doing 100 in a suburb.
She used to be an amazing dancer up until a year ago (ballet, jazz, lyrical, hiphop, modern, etc!) but she got hit by a big truck and had her spine broken. It took her months to recover but she can no longer dance.
She was always late for work, because she had to wake up early to go to volleyball practice... and then soccer, badminton, tennis, followed by dance instructing (since she herself could no longer dance). Since it was such a long day she had to take a nap before her shift at 5pm.
She was tired all the time (this was after forgetting about all her athletic activities) because she had been attending a bar-tending course to learn pouring tricks and cool things. At 6am, every day, for four hours.
She had a ton of money because she had won the lottery and bussing at the restaurant was just a hobby.
She had been a server for four years at another location but they fired her because she made too much money and out performed everyone else. But she couldn't bus or set tables AT ALL, didn't know table numbers, and never learned how to carry a tray to deliver food.
Her boyfriend was a DJ. (he was two years younger than her and still in high school).
That's all I can remember right now. Man was she ever full of it...
She claimed to be a street kid who was addicted to meth at 13 that her 28 year old boyfriend hooked her on. He knew her parents and would drop her off for grade 6 school in his truck and everything was cool with the fam. He'd rape her on a consistent basis but her parents didn't have a problem with that either. She was also a lesbian despite never having slept with a woman.
At about 17 she got knocked up and left town, not telling her parents, who came looking for her and this 28 year old boyfriend they've been hearing so much about.
In reality she was the spoiled daughter of two well paid child psychologists. Her childhood was completely normal and she wanted to fit in with the bad kids by inventing a hard life.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 23:00:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm gonna rat on myself. This one time I tried to convince a group of friends that I sent the creators of the cartoon show 'gargoyles' an episode pitch and they were going to air it. My friends did actually believe me at the time but I'm sure they think I'm full of shit now-a-days just for that one time. We were around 10 years old at that time, I'm 26 now and I still think about apologizing for that lie.
I know one, but the guy is silver tongued, he says some absurd things that you won't believe then he'll prove it and you'll be dumbfounded, and he's told me and others that he lies pretty often about some stuff so I'm always in the fence whenever he talks about an event that occurred to him
My boyfriends ex-girlfriend. He had had a list in his phone, titled "Things I know are True." It was a short list. And, I'd hung out with her before, too.
Broke every bone in her body. I'd seen her take off a "cast" before and resume normal function.
Is a nurse . She was around 15 when she told me this.
Is a pilot. Still 15.
Sees every color the opposite of what it is. (So I say "then how would you know it's opposite if thats all you've ever known?")
Has a "Made in Canada" tattoo. She is not Canadian. Her mom has confirmed.
Has dozens of half-brothers and sisters. She pointed out one to me. But oops, I knew him. His mom was dead, and his dad was an old Jewish man. Neither of which are her parents.
Is me. I found out she'd take experiences that were mine, and tell them as if they had happened to her.... x.x
The irony of sounding like I'm making this up myself is not unnoticed, but I promise this is true:
After dating a girl for a few weeks, I had gathered that some of her stories didn't make sense to me. Trivial stuff like what she had done the week before, how well her exams went, etc. I confronted her about how these stories couldn't all be true at the same time, at which point she got angry with me and completely deflected and ended up asking me to leave. I was fed up, so I did as she asked, and decided to check the schedule of the PT that was in the area. So, I asked her for the time, and she gave me something that was so unexpected, I just had to double check for myself. I look up at the clock in her house, and it said something completely different. I looked at her, then at the clock, saw her looking at the clock and then back at me, and asked her again: what time is it?
She maintained the lie.
I'm still not sure why this happened, but I decided then and there that this was not worth my effort.
That may actually be the weirdest thing I've ever experienced with another human being, come to think of it :/
Knew a dude in high school who always had stories like that.
-His uncle was in the Rainbow Six unit and "killed terrorists all the time", yet nobody had ever heard of this uncle until said kid got a Rainbow Six game. When told that the Rainbow Six unit was fictional, he said that he "forgot whether his uncle was a Navy Seal or a Green Beret"
-That same uncle was supposedly the director of the Seattle fireworks shows and apparently would let him shoot fireworks off the Space Needle whenever he wanted.
-His friends' dad would apparently let him drive their multimillion-dollar super yacht around their private lake.
-He claimed to have only one lung so as to have an excuse to never do stuff outside with us.. Asking him about his "one lung" in front of his mom was actually pretty funny. In retrospect it would've been a dick move if it were true, but he had enough of a reputation for bullshit at that point that I just went for it.
I know I'm missing some stuff, but that's all that comes to mind at the moment.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 23:10:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I worked at Pizza Hut with a guy who seemed like a bit of a low-life. he was 40 and hung out with drug dealers and tried just about every drug under the sun. One day he told me this big story about how he traveled to Guinea in Africa and had a world-recognized drummer as his mentor. He also had these big stories about hitchhiking across Canada and getting paid $50 to play the drums for a film which received awards for it's soundtrack.
I assumed it was all complete bullshit until he quit his job and added me on facebook a couple months later and literally had photographic proof of all the stories I assumed were bullshit.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 23:13:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Guy I went to high school with (when roller blading was kinda cool) would go visit his family in Ohio. He would tell us how he was spared by Ecko, somehow saved a girl, had sex with her and then left her for her sister.
Something to that effect every single time he would go out of town.
I have an aunt (by marriage) who is a compulsive liar.
She claims to have had every kind of cancer. Oh, you have cancer? Well, she's already had that one.
-In the early '90s, she told everyone she had ovarian cancer. Said it was so bad that she had to have a hysterectomy to save her life. And of course she had to go through months of grueling chemo. Then, a few years later, the summer that my grandfather passes away, she starts getting sick to her stomach every day. My mom suggests that maybe she's pregnant. Oh no, couldn't be that, she had a hysterectomy when she had cancer, remember? 6 months later she gives birth to my cousin. When she was called out for lying about having a hysterectomy, she claimed the doctor botched it and she was going to sue him for millions. Yeah, ok.
-Her most recent fake illness (that I know about) was last year when my grandmother passed away. Aunt can't stand not to be the center of attention, so she has to have a really dramatic illness whenever someone dies. We go to the funeral home to schedule the service and burial, and we have to schedule around her blood transfusion. Why is she having a blood transfusion? Because, according to my uncle, her 'blood is disappearing.' Yeah, somehow, she is losing all of her blood, but no one knows where it went. So she has to go to the hospital several times a week to get blood transfusions and we need to schedule my grandmother's funeral around her newest ailment.
-Oh, she also claims that she is a nurse. She never went to college. I'm not even sure she graduated from high school. But a few years ago, she decided that she was a nurse. And she started telling everyone that she worked at the local hospital. When my grandmother was ill last year and going in for brain surgery, Aunt starts ordering around the nurses and telling them that my grandmother is allergic to all sorts of things. For the most part we ignored her crazy, but she overstepped by threatening the health of my grandmother. The hospital refused to allow her to be alone with my grandmother because they were afraid she would try to give her medication.
I have soooooooo many more. Not any recent ones because we no longer speak to her on the advice of counsel.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 23:18:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know a girl at my school who is an acquaintance of my friend group and she claimed to be a ring girl in some underground fighting ring in Chicago. Now mind you she was a 19-year-old college girl coming from the Chicago suburbs. So me and my friend were slightly suspicious, especially my friend, so he did extensive research and came up short on underground rings so he asked her the name. She claimed that it was nameless because underground fighting rings are illegal and therefore hers has absolutely no name, title, or even code name... so my friend asked her for an approximate location and she couldn't even come up with the vaguest of street names, warehouse names, or even any specific area within Chicago. We didn't believe her because she a) did not have to look of any ring girl I've ever seen and b) was 19 years old and didn't know a soul in the city. She told us these elaborate stories about how she was the ring girl and how men fought over her all the time and would pull guns out on each other for her sake, and me and my friends would just roll our eyes like okay and then a badass dude pulled up quickly and screeched to a brake in his corvette and said "hop in babe" and had a car chase too?
This same girl also claimed to be engaged to a European prince and never had any photos to show us and couldn't even tell us a specific country name. So when her mom visited campus once her friends were all, "Congrats on her engagement to a prince!!" her mom was super confused and said she wasn't engaged at all to anyone, ever. So we confronted her and instead of trying to save face and tell us she was elaborately pranking us, she doubles down and said "Well actually he passed away last weekend and my mom is too devastated to talk about it so that's what she says..." Even though she, herself, hadn't shown any signs of grief or sadness or mourning at all over his apparent passing the week that she claimed it happened. We're all still acquaintances with her but whatever comes out of her mouth we just eye each other like "that sounds fake but okay...". She still sticks to these stories to this day.
Oh which is that song of theirs. Can't put a finger on it. It would be perfect for a funeral. With the video about this girl's boyfriend dying and her holding her dad responsible.
shot flaming kittens from a potato gun at pedestrians.
Jumped a fence at a local mansion and managed to outrun dobermans across a mile long lot to jump the 8 foot fence on the other end.
-Once dressed as a ninja in a hotel, threw down a smoke bomb, took an old lady captive on an open elevator to the second floor, repelled down over the second story balcony, then was shot by a guard with a taser, remained unphased by the taser and pulled it out while still sprinting to safety.
-He also invented a slider while pitching at a little league camp.
He had others, but unfortunately I cannot remember them all.
My ex wife tried to tell me (8 months after we'd last had sex, 6 months after she moved into our guest room, and 3 years after we'd last used condoms) that the box of condoms she bought was to use on her vibrator.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 23:28:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There was that story where this douche bag said he got in a fight at an in-n-out with his friends against another group of people. He took a samurai sword out of his trunk and sliced a kids shirt narrowly missing his stomach which ended the fight.
There's also the story of how he was part of an underground street racing circuit where he drove a blacked out honda prelude with a body kit that was dubbed "the vader car".
I can't begin to tell you how much I hated this guy.
I have a friend who has said some really interesting things during our friendship. I knew him since preschool when he first told his stream of lies
1.) He told me he could make love potion, he showed it to me one day after I kept asking for weeks to see it, it was a valentine heart inside an MnM Mini canister filled with cool-aid powder.
2.) He dated a female friend of mine from highschool, after their break up, she told me that he would explain to her how he could echolocate.
3.) We were in a band together, he would explain to us how he had perfect pitch, so when a random sound happened, like when the singer dropped a quarter onto the floor, he would say, "That was a F Sharp"
4.) When we were all at a sleepover at one of our houses, the singer in my band told me that when I left the room, he told him that his "penis has grown exponentially in the last year", whatever that means, lol
5.) Many members in our band got in a fight with him once, when everyone was calling him out for lying behind all of our backs, he said that he had autism, and that he couldn't help being a douchebag sometimes.
6.) He use to tell our friend group that his grades in school were "god-like". We had a friend who worked in the school administration, and was able to get into his account and look at his grades, turned out he had a D in AP Music Theory.
7.) After highschool and college, I would see him during holidays when we would both go back home. He told me that he worked for DARPA, and that he had all these security clearances, and if he needed to get someone assassinated, he could get it done. He explained how this is a necessary protocol for the employees of DARPA so that secrets of the government can't be released. He said it was a fairly simple process to enact, all it took was a form to fill out.
8.) He currently works remotely in Florida for a University in another state that I won't name, and tells me that it's a secret DoD job. Recently he left to go there, and said that he was busy with DoD work, but when I spoke with his parents who I'm friendly and social with, they told me he left to see his girlfriends parents.
9.) He told me he's leaving to Peru in 2 months for work. In that same conversation with his parents that I mentioned above, they were telling me that they were happy that his gf had a yoga studio in Peru that she was setting up, because that allowed their son to go and see Peru.
In all, he's a crazy guy who says really crazy things. I used to call him out on it early on in highschool, but he would just get mad, so I stopped. Other people used to call him out too, and they didn't stop, they ended friendships with him because of it. I'm going to ask my friend, the singer in the band, to see if he has anything to add to this, because this reddit post really hit home for me, and the same would probably be true for anyone who knows this individual.
We got one in school and, kind of being the dicks back then, we wrote some of his weirdest lies down. But to be honest he was asking for it, you'll see. I'll roughly translate them, originally those were in german.
The black you see on your iPhone screen when its deactivated is black fluid, that should be refilled once in a while.
The "V" in "V8-Motor" stands for "Volvo".
When watching a specific football match on pay TV the cameraman will notice and whisper "thank you for supporting us".
I once dated a girl who told me that while she was in Europe she had a fling with the singer from The 1975. She also claimed they had "crazy sex" and the song Chocolate was written about her. She also stole stuff from me and my friends and adamantly denied it. Glad she's out of my life
dorm mate in college, early 90's:
1) had a pet black panther, but when it got too big daddy gave it to the zoo
2) Andre Agassi was her boyfriend. She actually mailed herself gifts and love notes so she could open them in front of us
Oh fuck this thread is perfect for my friend when I was 13, she told us she couldn't do P.E. cause she shattered her heel 6 years ago and couldn't run anymore (I have shattered my heel and it is now fine) but then she said we was a national level gymnist and that she went for a run every morning before school. She said her dad used to manage The Black Eyed Peas but then she also lived in a bus. She said her dad bought her a limited edition fender guitar for $15,000 and when I asked to see it she said her dad smashed it the day before and that there was only splinters left. She said that she was Italian (she was Maori, her first and last names were also very maori) and that the Italian Mafia was after her as her father used to be the leader and left them so they were hunting them. Said that she burned down her mothers house while her mum was sleeping but unfortunately she lived. She actually thought we believed all these things when really we just went along with it cause we didn't have many friends and we felt bad about her cause we knew her dad had lost his job and they were basically living out of their savings account.
A guy I worked with wasn't as bad as what I've read so far, but he would lie and make it an amusing story that could have been true but probably wasn't.
My favorite was when he said he saw Elvis one night (he was from Memphis). He said, "Hey Elvis! Let's go get some donuts!" And he and Elvis went and knocked down two dozen at Krispy Kreme or wherever. This is when he'd tear up a little and say, "A week later the king was dead, and I've never forgiven myself. I know it was those donuts that killed him"
A customer from the liquor store I used to work at. Imagine a short, fedora wearing, literally greasy, hobbit...
He was a sniper (where, when, with what branch of military changed frequently)
He had killed people with his bare hands (who, when, and why always changed)
Played with Matalica (what, where, and when changed depending who he talked to)
His family left him a metric ass ton of money, so here never needed to work (always barely had money)
Told me his boots were custom made, supr expensive (when he was checking out my Gripfast boots, I noticed his were regular Dr. Martin's with the tags ripped off)
Wrote ton of famous songs (with no mentions or artist appreciation apparently)
Artist (while I'm sure he made "art", everything he showed me had all sorts of Deviant Art handles that were obviously not his)
Had friends (never saw a one, except for one night I'll get around to that in a minute)
Traveled the world (couldn't drive, wouldn't get on the interstate)
Had an amazing girlfriend/fiance/wife (we finally met her, it was a doll in a coffin backpack. No fucking joke, creeped the shit out of me)
Usually told us his military escapades (all obviously lies in one at or another)
He finally brought a couple friends in once. The last time I saw him. (Thank goodness) They were girls, living breathing girls. At first they were "friends" but by the time he brought his liquor is hookah coals to the register, we asked for their IDs. Suddenly, the blonde girl was his "sister" and we didn't need to card anyone. Sincere we'd never meet her, we told him he'd have to come back there following day, alone.
A week later he was on the news, arrested for child molestation x2 and multiple other henious crimes.
Kicker: they tacked on some other charges when he tried to have the two girls murdered in murder for hire hitman scenario. Obviously poor decisions all around.
Moral of stories, I trust my gut. Someone gives me the inkies, I gtfo asap.
Will link if I can find the article on him.
I am super late to this thread but I have a good one. A sketchy guy from the village I grew up in would spout all kinds of shite but one story in particular has stuck with me for years.
He told me he was sat in the pub garden on a summer's day having a pint when a V formation of military helicopters flew over. In the helicopter at the head of the formation was George W bush and this guys uncle (his uncle popped up in a few of his stories, apparently he was super rich and powerful). He then asked me with some swagger whether I knew what the rest of the helicopters were carrying, apparently it was all of their luggage.
It was hard not to laugh. I have seen people question his stories before and it's pretty much guaranteed to get you into a punch up so I thought better of it.
She told me she was drug free while high af. Not ghosting high either. My bro and i took her to Walmart, she had to ride around in the motorized scooters. At one point she couldn't stop herself from drooling and falling out of the scooter
This guy in my dorm freshman year, we'll call him Ted, liked to tell some tall tales. His Uncle is probably the most badass person in the world. Ted's uncle built a homemade.50 cal sniper rifle and mounted it to the back of his F-150. After test firing it he let Ted try it and Ted managed to hit a bullseye from 2 miles away using only the iron sights.
Now, Ted was raised in the rough part of rural PA and his cousin liked to mess with him. His cousin shot a Glock next to his ear and he went deaf for a couple seconds so Ted punched him in the face, took his Glock, pulled out his own Desert Eagle and fired one on each side of his cousin's head which caused him to go deaf in one ear.
Ted was also a master coder since basically birth. For a class project in high school he and a friend ported the first Final Fantasy game to PC. They reprogrammed the whole thing from the ground up in visual basic. It only took him 20, 30, no, 40 thousand lines of code. I think they finished it in a few days too. The hardest part was moving your party's sprite on the overworld map so he coded the arrow keys to shift the map image by half a pixel to simulate movement.
I went to highschool with a very overweight girl who obviously didn't get much attention. It was the Internet safety unit of the course, and teach asks the class to share stories about the topic.
She raised her hand. "Yeah one time I found out this man was taking my face and putting them on naked people's bodies!!!! And selling them!! In New York!"
I couldn't stop envisioning a pixelated bad quality photo pasted on a hot model's body.
Probably not the most outrageous but the worst one I've experienced was a friend in primary school telling me he could ski. This lie continued through me inviting him on a skiing trip up north, the hours of car journey there, the process of renting equipment and getting set up until eventually he put on his skis and fell over. Worst part is his dad confirmed he could ski for my dad before he came along. No idea what he thought was gonna happen but what did happen was my dad gave him some cash for the cafe while we all went and had a blast.
The following Monday at school he then tells me that while we were all away he stole someone's skis, went down a slope (of which he previously couldn't the rope tow) to then accidentally do a back flip over a fallen toddler.
Actually yeah, coming to think of it, this is the most outrageous I've heard.
There was a kid that we can refer to as Whales that I had the pleasure of working with a while back who used to tell the stupidest made up stories. Like many of the people in here, this particular workmate was a "one-upper". The rest of us enjoy telling his completely and $100% true tales at parties. Here are some of his one-uppers.
After I cracked my back by spinning my torso side-to-side, Whales commented, "That's not good, my brother did that and he went all the way around."
I was offered $5 to grab a massive handful of salt and bite into it like an apple. After doing so, I could only describe to the man who was now down $5 that the taste was a bit too salty. After recounting this tale to a whole bunch of people including our fat new friend Whales, he replied that "on New Year's Eve, his grandfather bet him $1000 to backflip off his two story roof into the pool."
On a regular visit to the newsagency, one of our superiors came back excited that they had just won $500 on a Scratchie (Australian slang for a Scratchcard). Whales then claimed that he didn't have to worry about money because he "had a few hotdogs and bit into one and felt something sharp go down his throat and then had an x-ray and found a piece of metal and then sued the hotdog company and they gave him $1,000,000 in damages." Apparently they only reason he still worked was because it was fun.
Whales owned a PS5 because his dad worked for Sony and they gave him a finished one with some games to test.
I knew this guy throughout High School that was your typical liar. He would always lie to try to one up you or make himself appear perfect. It was so obvious that you could egg him on into stories and deeper lies. Senior year he told me the best story ever.
He told me that 2 or 3 years ago (he would always change the year) he traveled to Hawaii with his father who was on a business trip. He said one night he went to a party (keep in mind he is 15-16 years old at this point) and met a girl. As it turns out the girl is some type of teen pop star or something and was a really popular singer. He continued and stated that he and she hit it off and she slept with him. The funny thing is that they never had sex. According to him, they just literally laid in bed all night naked, just cuddling or some shit, not even a blowjob, handjob, fingering etc.
The best part is that instead of flying home with his dad he flew with this girl in her private jet. We live in North Carolina so that's pretty far for a free flight for a random guy she met less than a day ago.
He finished the story by saying that he never asked for her number and has never heard about her since. When I asked for the girl's name he said that they only ever called each other pet names and he never learned her real name despite the fact that they spent all night together.
This is just one of the countless stories, lies, and bullshit tales he had told people.
Amateurs...
A work colleague falsified his resume boasting an MBA from Harvard, a law degree and a medical degree. You'd think it would be blatantly obvious that he simply wasn't old enough to encompass the degrees he claimed but he had multiple board positions on major billion dollar+ companies, was friends with government ministers and viewed as a very dynamic go-getter. His downfall was applying for a very senior government position and claiming attendance on a postgraduate course which was presented by one of the position referees. He eventually ended up in court because an application for a government position is viewed as a statutory declaration and thus subject to charges of official corruption. The sad thing was his wife had no idea his life was a complete fantasy and the only qualification he actually held was as a mortuary technician.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 00:54:48 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Told us her brother got blown up and died in Afghanistan. One of our friend's mothers told the compulsive liar's mother that she was sorry to hear about her son, to which she replied "what son?.."
This girl I know lied about having end stage ovarian cancer.
Her story would fluctuate so much it got annoying.
I'll pm you her gofundme page she made, if you want to donate.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 01:00:35 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
They knew the entire Minnesota Wilds hockey team, also random semi popular YouTube cover artists, the band One Direction which she showed me before they got really famous even tho we live in the US, also these bands that opened for Plain White Tees (even tho they didn't recognize her when we got our picture taken with the band lol). I was super gullible so it took me a few years to connect the dots which is even sadder. Like why then hell would these people be friends with a middle schooler
My girlfriend showed her sister texts that I sent to her while we were fighting one time. Her sister angrily texts me and says "You better never say "exact quote" to my sister again." I asked her why she showed her sister our private messages. We got into a huge fight to the point that she almost broke up with me (keep in mind we had been together for over a year at the point) because I didn't believe that she didn't tell her sister or show her the messages. Still to this day, 3 months or so later, I'll ask her to just tell the truth and she won't. It's insane.
my uncle once told our entire family that when he was out deer hunting he shot and hit a deer with his bow and when it hit the deer he said "that deer reached back and grabbed the arrow out of his side, turned and looked at me, spit the arrow out and ran away" there is another story where he was out hunting and got chased by a DNR plane and tried to shoot it down with his shotgun
There was a guy in a group of friends I had in Jr college who I will refer to as "the Master" for the rest of the post. The master had borderline personality disorder and was a huge compulsive liar. He told us all many stories in his time knowing us.
He was a prostitute at 14 and had sex with over 300 women by 17 with no STDs.
His dad would make him set up fat ass lines of cocain and make him take them if they weren't fat enough.
He knew how to completely disassemble and reassemble his entire car (which was a shitty Chavelle body with God knows what monstrosities for parts it had).
He also repainted his car with store bought spray paint and did a really shitty job. When we called him on it he claimed to have worked in a body shop for years and that he "use to do it like this all the time for thousands of dollars".
He was smoking with us one time and sucked the cherry out of a one hitter and burned his throat. I wouldn't have blamed him for lying about that to our choir teacher but he told different teachers different things and used it as an excuse to not participate in his classes. He told some that he burned his throat by eating freshly cooked ramen too quickly and others he told that he had an alergic reaction to mustard and had a rash inside his throat. He dragged this lie on for at least 2 months when he was fine after a couple weeks.
My friends and I befriended the Master and always tried to be good friends for him. We understood that he had mental problems and was just looking for love and acceptance. We always called him out on his shit but we never made him feel like he didn't fit in with us. Sadly he never really got better and has vanished from most of our radars. We all wish him the best but there is probably a reason they didn't let him leave after he checked himself into a mental clinic.
EDIT TO ADD: This is all the same co-worker of mine.
Her daughter is so smart she heard one Italian opera and became instantly fluent in Italian.
Same daughter is also being recruited by Harvard... in the 8th grade.
She speaks five languages, but the list changes each time she says it. I speak to her in Basic French (which she claims to speak) and she has no idea what I said.
Claims to know sign language, but we once had a deaf patient, so we grabbed her to help. She just spoke loudly to the completely deaf, signing patient and then "had to go take care of something"...
We wear lead aprons at work, and her favorite one is a plaid one that belongs to the hospital. It's a stock pattern from the company we order from. She claims it's her custom made lead, in her family tartan.
Said to me once that she is against guns, but one day she took her daughter to the shooting range to try it out, and was surprised that they were both better than they had expected. Okay, cool. Two weeks later I heard her tell someone that she is a "Certified Sharpshooter....with both hands!"
Says she has a black belt in Kung Fu, but is 50-ish, been morbidly obese her entire life, and has fibromyalgia and fourteen other chronic diseases. At least she says she has them.
Says she was in Harvard Medical School, but left in her last year because, being the smartest woman in the class (of course) she didn't want to deal with the haters. By my calculations, she's been a nurse since age 19. And is currently working on a Bachelor's Degree so she can keep her nursing job.
I've been inspired to rant about a friend of mine. Here goes.
He constantly lies about sex. He tells me, and anyone else that is nearby, about who he hooked up with, or who he is currently hooking up with. One of the problems with that, is that he is soooo full of shit. If you ask the women who he has claimed to been with, they say no (who is lying?!). And then of the people he is currently hooking up with, he won't give names. It's always 'a married woman'. The other problem with it, is...who fucking cares?! We live in a small town, and no one cares who you (claim to) fuck. I've heard from mutual friends that everyone thinks he is a creep, which is why I've been distancing myself from him.
Here is an example of how he perceives things, vs reality. One night a few years ago, after a bar crawl (or something), we ended up at the local gay bar (nightclub, so it's open later) with a married couple we are friends with (B (m) & C (f)). We're hanging out on the corner of the dance floor, and all of a sudden B & C are making out. My friend makes some lame, cringeworthy comments about getting in on the action, so C gives him a kiss (on the lips, no tongue). Then she immediately turns to me and does the same. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less. I have since heard, numerous times, that he had a threesome with B & C that night. That's what he legitimately tells people, and if I'm around, I correct him, in front of everyone. It's shit like that why I kind of stopped hanging out with him.
Sad postscript: he is 43 years old. I can't fathom how or why anyone out of grade school that would lie like that. There are many more examples, but it's all the same shit.
(I hope my writing makes sense. I'm still fucked up from the dentist, earlier.)
This one friend told us about 10 times his mom bought him a new car (different everh time). But darn, every time, something happened to that car and we coulsn't see it. Too bad. I really wantes to take a ride in a purple VW Gold, although it became red the next day, and mercedes after
A buddy in high school claimed he met up with John Mayer after a concert, Mayer invited him to his hotel room where they both jammed out on guitar, and my friend recieved glowing praise on how good he was.
Only my friend sucked at guitar (granted, he was literally just learning), and everyone at school knew he was a chronic bullshitter.
Girl I knew once told everyone her dad donated money to fix the school library.
She also told everyone she was a makeup artist.
Turns out she was a pathetic pathological liar, she ran away from home at 16, was a stripper and a prostitute.
She tricked some younger idiot to marry her too. Leah Weaver, never change you lying sack of shit.
Oh, oh, I've got one! My friends and I met this girl who turned out to be a little unhinged. Before we figured that out, though, she introduced us to her fiance. He was a lot unhinged.
He was of Indian descent, but he was clearly a native English speaker with a vaguely midwestern accent. If you asked me to put money on it, I would say that he grew up in a big city in Wisconsin or Minnesota. Still, he claimed that he was born in India and lived there until he was in his early 20s. When asked why he didn't have an Indian accent, he said that he went to a special school where they taught you to speak like Americans.
He claimed that he was a member of the Indian army, and was enrolled in a special forces unit because of his superior intelligence and physical abilities. He said that they trained him to fight in temperatures of up to 180°F.
The army apparently kept his entire unit prisoner while they were undergoing training, because their mission was so secret. They were watched by armed guards at all times. But, this guy didn't want to be part of the army anymore, so he says that he used the hand-to-hand combat skills they taught him to take down all of the armed guards. Once free, he ran away and moved to the US.
In addition to all this, he said that he spoke 6 languages fluently. While we were at a party, a guest who actually spoke one of the language he claimed (German) stood behind him and said, in German, terrible things about him, his mother, and all Indian people. The guy didn't register even a hint that he had any clue what the German-speaking person was saying.
Epilogue: He was arrested for downloading child porn onto his work computer. I'm not sure what happened to him after that.
It wasn't big lies that were annoying, but small lies everyone knew wasn't true but consistently would defend. You could ask 2 plus 2 equals what? And he would reply 5, just to see what others would do.
Boss worked in another city. One time he came to visit, and it turns out that the company was organizing a 5 km race for whatever reason the following weekend.
Mr FieryPants knew that the boss was very much into sports, so he started boasting "Hey, Mr Boss, hey, hey Mr Boss, you know what? We're all running the race this weekend"
"Oh yeah?"
"yes, yes, there's a race and we're all running it, and I am, 'cause I'm also into sports... "
In fact I didn't enroll but whatever. And even without the boss he spent all week telling everyone how sporty he was and that he was going to run the race.
So the day of the race came. I stayed comfortably in bed, but my wife volunteered to help with the staff, cheer people up, hand out water bottles and whatnot. After the race finished she called me to see if I wanted to join her and the staff for breakfast.
Me - "By the way, did you see Mr FieryPants? He said he was going to run... "
Wife - "Well, I was right before the finish line, I should have seen him... But I guess I missed him.."
One interesting detail is that Mr FieryPants and I shared the same first name and part of the last name, so it wasn't uncommon for people to mistake one for the other. As I was having breakfast, another girl from the staff asked
"Hey! Weren't you the one who won one of the raffle prizes? They kept calling out your name, but you never came... "
"No," I said, "I didn't even enroll... Must've been the other guy"
"Oh, too bad, he won a prize and never picked it up"
Next Monday, I ask the guy "Hey, how was your race?"
"Oh, it was OK... "
" They told me you won something at the raffle and didn't go to receive it... "
" Oh, there was a raffle?... I... I guess I left too soon... Yes, I left right after crossing the finish line, so I guess I wasn't there anymore "
Anyways, so far, he could still be saying the truth, right?
So a week later or so, the time tag chip thingy records file gets published. A friend of mine starts looking at the results...
" Hey guys, let's see the results... John... 37 mins... Pete... 29 mins... Mike... Hey Mike, 99 mins, what's up with that? "
" I actually didn't cross the starting line, so I guess they default it to that... "
" Well, yeah, I didn't cross it either.. And yeah I got 99 mins too LOL... Ok Mr FieryPants... Hey you're not in the file... "
" what do you mean not in the file? I should be there... Look by last name... "
"... Mmm nope, not by last name either... Your time is not here, are you sure you ran the race?"
"Yes, yes, sure I did... There must be an error in the system... Yeah, that's it... It should be there... There is an error... "
So that was one of the funniest. Other stories he used to tell included being friends with celebrities (with selfies to prove it), knowing Portuguese and Chinese, being offered a job at an embassy, and the saddest of them all..
"Everyone from my previous job are my friends and like me a lot"
Again, with a selfie to prove it... A selfie in which you could see everyone in the background not looking at the camera.
This girl I used to be friends with lets call her Cher.
Cher is the youngest from a very rich household and has had everything and anything she has ever wanted but is a pathological liar- maybe is just a severe case of 'Look at me mummy, pay attention to mee!!'
Some of the lies she told me:
Had a hysterectomy at 15 because of early onset menopause so she couldn't have periods or babies - she came on her period once when she stayed over my house, we also went on holiday together, she had no scars on her stomach and mother nature came calling on her period again
She told people we met on that holiday her dad was deaf and they had created their own sign language - I've met her dad, he isn't deaf.
She saw a guy be run over and no one helped him, she ran to his rescue and held his brain (which was seeping out) in until the paramedics came, said it felt like squishy noodles.
Said her mum had breast cancer- I messaged her mum wishing her all the best and if she needed anything to just say, got a reply asking what the hell was I on, further texts revealed she had no cancer.
Said she went to high school in America, parents said she has never studied outside of UK.
I introduced her to a mutual friend, they got together and she got pregnant but had a miscarriage very early on. When I asked her about the whole 'cant get pregnant, have no uterus' she said she had a transplant and had hormone therapy so it was like nothing ever happened ... I sometimes wonder if the miscarriage was a form of 'karma'
Said mum and dad split up, dad took all his stuff and flew to USA the night before, later in the day she said she was getting an Iphone, she was gonna meet her dad after work so he could get it on contract- I called her out on this, she couldn't explain why he was actually in the UK, and she basically hasn't spoken to me since :)
My buddy's girlfriend is a notorious liar she once told all of us when she gets angry enough her eyes turn purple she has brown eyes.
OnfiyA · 2 points · Posted at 01:39:13 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
There was this customer that came to our restaurant pretty often, lonely old man in his 70s that just wanted some company and he told the most elaborated stories and did the most absurd things trying to validate his story. He told us he was a billionare and owned 72 hotels in Korea and if we were to go there we could use his plane and stay in any of his places. Things you kind of just go "ohhh cool" but he started trying to show off to us. He hired a kid to play his son, a 18 year old kid that didn't bother to talk to him once and even worse he hired a bunch of older gents trying to claim they were his friends and were billionaires as well. He got drunk in our restaurant unable to walk and legitimately left him, 5 guys just got up and left as they took his wallet and paid for it. I was like "excuse me, he can't just stay here" and his so-called friend that couldn't have cared less just said "he's okay" and ran out the door. He ended up pissing on himself and slept on the floor past our operating hours until I had to carry him outside and find a taxi to take him. I was told the taxi driver brought him to the hospital that day. He also left his trolley that night and being a nosy fucker I looked through; extra pair of clothes, a tooth brush and bunch of stuff he bought at a nearby dollar store. He never came back after that embarrassment, I had to mop up his pee on the dining floor and spray down the chair he pissed on. The length people go through is mindboggling...
Way late but my mother has a nut job of a roommate. Here's a list. (Side note: He's only 25)
-He's an ex Army Ranger. He was also top of his class.
-He was deployed on a top-secret Army Ranger mission for 3 years.
-During the secret Army mission his 8 month pregnant, obese (his words, not mine) finacee was hit by a car and her and the baby died. BUT, no one told him until the end of the 3 years. At the end of the 3 years they took him to a top secret military room where the head of the Army told him about his fiancee. He blacked out but broke his hand hitting the wall.
-He is a top ranked sniper with a ton of kills but his name isn't on records because of his secret Army Ranger stuff.
-He took shrapnel to his nuts during deployment so he cant have any more kids (I hope this is true).
-He told me he was only attracted to "big girls," but he wanted to ask my parents if he could take me out. I'm petite, 23, and moved out 5 years ago. That's more creepy than lying but gets across points of character.
I was with the liar in my car and drove up to an ATM where someone had left their ATM receipt. The balance was over $30k. He asked if he could have it so I gave it to him. A few days later, his girlfriend who lived with me said he told her he had been saving money and that he had over $30k in the bank. He showed her the ATM slip and said it was his. He lied all the time.
My friend said that he had an indestructible tank at his uncles house. My other friend went to his uncles house and asked where it was. My friend the compulsive liars response was that he blew it up. My other friend said but it's indestructible that means you can't blow it up. He replied, like it was the most obvious thing ever that the tank wasn't indestructible from the inside.
This same kid was part of an elite group of teenagers that went and fought in the Iraq war on the weekends.
He got stitches on his hand once and said that all the bones in his hand were made completely of metal because he got it blown off in Iraq.
Basically every word out of this girls mouth was a lie. The one that sticks out the most though, would have to be the time she convinced everyone at school that her dad worked for some record company and that she was going to have T-Pain (ew) perform at her birthday party. A party in which she would have an entire local beach reserved just for her. eye roll Oh and let me not forget that she lived in a house that someone who supposedly had so much swing in a record company, would never live in. She kept this ruse up until about a week before this supposed party when she made up another entire story of how T-Pain was having vocal issues and would not be able to attend. Claimed that it was going to be too hot for a beach party anyway and decided she would not in fact be having a huge extravagant party. She told all of her disappointed "friends" that she would only be including her "VIPs" , which consisted of me and about two others, on a trip to the Bahamas, for a more intimate celebration. In the end, she had a basic sleepover at her house with me and a friend from a different school who knew nothing of these plans. We were around 13 when she pulled all this bullshit.
This is from many years ago. I had a bunch of friends boys and girls that we would hang out daily (about 10 of us). One of the guy friends claimed that he was hooking up with one of the girl friends. And of course it was a secret. I knew he was lying but I didn't confront him about it. He would say that she was over his house the night before but she was actually with me and another member of the group and plenty more stories with holes in them.We lost touch after he was caught stealing from his job (was working for another friends father) Also the girl found out and embarrassed him in public.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 02:03:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
This will be buried, but back in the early 90s, I had a friend that was a compulsive liar. This was the pre-cell phones for everyone days. He had to call home from my land line, and caller ID wasn't common at the time. His girlfriend hated me, so I listened to him spin this story about hanging out at a bar with people from work. A few days later, he started telling me about the fun time he had with his coworkers that night.
"Uh... you were shooting pool at the bar with me. That's the story you made up for your girlfriend." There was a five second pause before he comes back with, "Oh right, duh!"
He could never keep his stories straight, but that was the worst instance.
A girl I went to school with would have all kinds of crazy stories about her being pregnant.
In middle school she told people she was pregnant from the cholesterol in a hot dog and being in a pool that someone jacked off in.
In high school she brought in the photos from her mom's ultrasound when she was pregnant a few years previously. She said the Dr's office messed up the date and they put her mom's name on the chart bc she was underage.
There were many other times she claimed she was pregnant. She never had a baby while I went to school with her.
-he was the bassist for a band that played The Grand Ole Opry. The stage manager told him to cut his beard, and he refused, so he is the en only person to go on stage there with a beard.
-he's a drummer in a Christian rock group.
-he was a cop in Houston and they taught him to always fire warning shots and aim for the head.
-he got kicked off the force for excessive use of his gun. Oddly believable, actually.
I knew this guy named Cole I hung around him for a bit he would lie constantly.
1. He had like 200,000+ dollars in a account that he was going to buy a 5+ bedroom house with, but always borrowed money.
2. He had like 5 different cars in his dad's garage in the next town. But couldn't drive any of them cause they weren't street legal.
3. He was related to like Justin Timberlake and Justin bieber and wrote part of there songs.
I got tired his lies so I stop hanging around him.
That his brother once shit a solid red turd. I asked how he knew it was red all the way through and he said his mom put it on the sidewalk and cut it with a stick.
A girl I went to high school with said she was Mussolini's granddaughter or great niece, I don't actually remember which. We're from the US and she's not Italian. She also claimed that she did crew on the Charles River every Wednesday morning before school (started at 7:15) - we lived about 1.5 hours from Boston.
A guy I used to work with told me he met and hung out with (insert famous metal band girl singers name here) and when I called him on it, he showed me a picture. I was at his apt a few weeks later and I saw her on a poster in his living room. In the exact pose she was in when he took the "picture with her". Called him on it again and he couldn't find the pictures.
He also said he DIDN'T drunkenly hit on my (married) sister in law on another night. Fuck you, Roy.
I once worked with a guy that claimed to be a former ice fisherman and told many insane stories regarding it (including being 'honored by the mayor' in a parade for one of his catches), but refused to go into any refrigerated receiving storage spaces because he was 'allergic to the cold.' One of hundreds of lies i heard from him in the brief months he lasted there.
Oh boy the security guard where I used to work was fucking gold for this;
(A lot of stories are about him being in the army even though our boss who read his record when hiring him told us he was in the reserves)
When he was in the army doing a helicopter drill he apparently wasn't supposed to parachute out, but he did it anyway - taking a metal sheet that was falling from the helicopter to then snowboard down the mountain he landed on.
He was part of the team that were considered 2nd best in the world at Tug O' War (the best bit about this one was I sort of egged him on to tell a story like this very subtly - "I bet you'd be amazing at Tug of war")
He spent months in the Army memorizing Binary... And how to program in Binary, so he can do whatever he wants to a computer. I was studying for a Computer Science degree at the time and I don't think he knew, I also don't think he knows how Binary is actually used.
He used his knowledge of Binary to create software that would "Intercept the Encryption Protocol of the Taliban transmissions" (More or less makes no sense).
He was shot when chasing a shoplifter in broad daylight once. This happened in the UK, so it would've been all over the news if that was the case. He said it didn't even hurt that much and the worst thing about it was he had to take 3 weeks off of work.
He met some mega famous musician on a day out, in a city he was lost in. (I forget which musician this was, i'm sure it was someone like David Bowie) And he got on well enough that they started hanging out with him for the rest of the day, at the end of which they flew him home in their helicopter.
In his army days him and one of his pals were court marshaled for sneaking onto a plane and ending up in North Korea.
His wife was carrying a surrogate child, he got pretty exposed for this one though as he later in the year actually was expecting another kid.
He would literally spout nonsense like this constantly, there's probably a lot i'm missing, and the first thing people ask when I tell them this is "Are you sure he wasn't just fucking with you?", but no, no he wasn't. The first story he told me (The binary one iirc) I called him out on pretty much every detail, and he then 'corrected' himself - unaware he was digging himself deeper and deeper into his silly little hole, until I got bored and rolled with it from that point on.
My grandmother recently got divorced. Being in her mid 70s and being as old fashioned as she is, this caused some sort of bizarre mental break wherein she is now shacking up with some 40 year old guy and is calling him her husband.
Anyway, this weirdo is living off her social security checks and what little she earns from working at a dollar general while sitting around playing with Legos all day. During one of our conversations, he tried telling me that he holds the world record for sniping someone 9 miles away but it's not on record because it was a top secret mission. He also tried to tell me that while he was in the military, he found medical files that proved we actually piss out of out livers, not our bladders, and the idea that we store urine in our bladders was used to control us. There are a few more stories like that but the guy it either a complete mental case or an absolute moron.
At my old job we had this guy who claimed he was a minor league baseball player that never made it because he blew his arm out.
Everybody bought it, hook line and sinker. Another co-worker even paid him to teach his young son the proper mechanics of pitching.
I couldn't shake the feeling that he was bullshitting, so I googled him (this was many years ago before instant access on smartphones). There was a minor league pitcher with his name, but it looked nothing like him.
So I confront him about it and he says they just messed up and put the wrong picture on the internet. Mind you, all the pictures from different years didn't match his face at all either. He continues denying.
Fast forward a month later. We are all at a bar and he leaves his license on the table. I grab it, and it turns out he had also been lying about his age so it would match the minor leaguer with the same name. I call him on it and he walks out. Never showed up to work again either.
Sad part is, he was actual a decent guy. I tried talking to him and telling him he doesn't need to make stuff up to make people like him.
A random girl I worked with at Blockbuster with of all places was a detailed and strange story teller.
She had to take the school mascot (a dog) for Texas A&M to Galveston to a vet to take care of her in her personal Airplane.
1 A 30 year old single mother of 3 working for blockbuster part time as her only source of income has a pilots license and a plane.
2 Texas A&M has a world famous school for veterinary medicine. They aren't sending their mascot away.
3 It is a 2-1/2 hour drive from the college to Galveston. Ambulance or maybe even life flight would be a better choice. Also, you have to drive though Houston, a mega metropolis full of doctors to get to Galveston.
During his freshman year of high school, my friend told me he took 37 shots of fireball one night. He also told me he was walking home with his friends and one was really drunk and stumbling around, so the cops stopped them and asked them what was going on. Apparently he told them his friend hit his head on a rock and was a little woozy but they were taking him home, then cops let them go.
There's a neighbor i'm friends with that's an ex heroin junkie who lies through his teeth. One of the biggest ones is that he's friends of this guys family or knows this guy or this one and so forth but here's a couple of his greatest hits.
That he moved here from cali because his neighbors were eaten by the mexican drug cartel.
That he met a member of the araian brotherhood who took him out and showed him a sinkhole in the ground that they can hide bodies in.
That in lincoln at his parents house is a where his full set of alpha mtg cards are including doubles of every mox and a black lotus.
That all of Miley Cyrus's songs were stolen from her myspace page... that she's best friends with all of the cast of Twilight. And that she took 4 paracetamol once for a headache instead of the usual 2 and she "instantly" passed out after she swallowed them, was rushed to hospital (she had a photo of her with a bandaid on her nose to prove it.....) and sooooooo many more stories
Monday morning after opening bow hunting weekend at work. We were talking about how our bow season starts went. No one killed any, one guy saw 2 does.
This grown ass man buts in with 'I killed 6 deer this weekend.'
Six. With a bow and arrow. In one weekend. When we knew, per his fb, that he got sloshed Friday night, got his hair died Saturday night, and partied Saturday night as well. So basically he had to have 'shot' 6 deer on sunday morning. No pictures of the deer or anything. He provided no explanation, proof, or reason for even wanting to kill that many deer.
He also told us he knew Papa John and got one free pizza a day for life. We called the shit out of that bluff and made him get pizzas all the time. When he ordered pizzas, we often caught him paying for them in private after he ordered, or slipping cash to the driver secretly. I bet he bought 45 pizzas while he worked there to keep that lie going.
He also told us he went on a guided grizzly bear hunt in NEBRASKA where he killed a grizzly. No pictures or proof or explanation of why there was a grizzly in Nebraska. He stood by that one forever too. Dude was committed.
Really good friend of mine; not sure why he feels compelled to tell these bullshit stories:
-Stabbed himself with a butterfly knife and sewed it back together
-Is a multi-millionaire (but strangely broke any time I've asked him to spot me a couple bucks)
-Has like 9 cars
-Has a black light tattoo that's probably illegal
-Has 1,000 guns (or some made-up number. I'm exaggerating for effect)
Not something obvious, but more of a story here..
I use to be friends with a guy named steven.
He had a few friends and he was a nice guy. I was told he was a liar but i disregarded everyone who told me because he gained my trust. Until one day he came to me and told me his family kicked him out of his house. So naturally i felt bad. I had asked my mom if he could stay until he found a job to get an apartment. And being the good willed person she was, she gave the green light. So he stayed over for awhile. One day when i came home from school my mom reported to me that she caught him stealing from us. She told me he was taking all her jewelry, my dads jewelry and then some. She had found a lot of her stuff in his backpack he carried around. So she confronted him and he apologized to her and told her he wouldnt do it again. So what does steven do? He waits until everyone is gone and steals my family's stuff AGAIN. And he sells our stuff for cigarrettes and drugs! I was so furious! My mom made him leave. Weeks later come to find out that we arent the only family he has done this to! I went to talk to an old friend about it and she told me he is a compulsuve liar and did this same thing to her!! I could not believe it! Then a month or 2 passes and he has the audacity to apologize to me. He told me he changed amd that things are different. After his theft and him completely destroying my trust i told no. That i will mot accept his apology. That i wont ever believe that he has changed. I mean how am i suppose to forgive a guy that lied to me when i decided to confront him about his stealing as well. He looked DIRECTLY into MY eyes and told me he wasn't!
I learned my lesson. And im never asking my parents to take in anyone else ever again.
This guy fucked up big time.
This guy in high school told me and a teacher that his brother had died in a car accident. His story was so believable that he had all of us tearing up at the end. Turns out he did this in EVERY class he had ever been in since 5th grade. He would just lie to his teacher and another classmate so he wouldn't have to do homework and big projects.
Knows Zakk Wylde (which he pronounces like "Jake") personally, and partied with Black Label Society, despite never having been outside our general area.
Talked to George Lucas during a tour of Skywalker Ranch and was told that he wrote 9 episodes of Star Wars, and wrote them in reverse order.
Rode in the same cab with Julia Roberts, and got a kiss for being "such a good conversationalist".
I once told my neighbor that I was a Karate black belt. I was 7 years old...
A guy I went to school with, Alex, was the national champion of medieval fencing. Alex wasn't world champion because he didn't want to participate in the world championship. Too boring for him I guess. Alex also had 500k in his bank account from all the championships that he won. He was rocking a 10 years old laptop, wore the same clothes everyday and was overweight.
Funny thing, we took a fencing class together. The guy couldn't even hold the 'sword' correctly.
Edit: I googled 'medieval fencing' when he told me this story, just in case he was the real deal. I'm 99% sure that there is no 'medieval fencing' championships. These guys are doing a choreography.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 04:38:39 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
1) He had a 9-inch long dick. While still soft
2) Him & his dad restored a tank from WWII & shot at the cops when they chased them
3) He has shot a gun from a helicopter
4) He can run a 4-minute mile
5) He trains at a secret dojo, & if he told us where it was his sensei would kill both him & us
One of my frat brothers lied all the time. He said he used to pick up weed in baltimore and sell it in town during high school. He was not a smart man, so I asked him, "What state is Baltimore in?" and he replied, "Virginia".
I knew this guy in highschool who was notorious for his bullshit stories. I think the pinnacle of it all was when he claimed he was in the woods, hunting with his uncle when a bear attacked them. So natrually he pulled out his trusty katana and sliced the bear right in half.
I'm not done.
He then dragged the 2000 pound bear through the woods with a chain through the bears jaw when he was suddely surrounded by a pack of wolves that he had to fight off with a burning stick.
So many holes in this kids story.
Why was he hunting with a katana?
How did he generate enough force to cut a bear clean in half?
How could he carry a bear through the woods?
How was he not mauled in a second by those wolves while he was lighting his stick on fire to fend them off?
Where was his uncle for the entirety of the story other than when he mentioned them hunting together at the very beginning? Wouldnt they have a rifle of some sort to at least use to defend themselves instead of a stick?
Not that it matters because none of it happened in the first place.
She tells me about her friends Ariel & Bo on the go who live in magical land called 'Unicornia', and that she has a dog named Clifford that can grow really big. She is always telling me that she's showing me pictures of these "friends" on her Unicornia phone... AND THERE IS NOTHING EVEN IN HER HAND!... my 4 year old is such a fucking liar.
My friends ex told him that she broke her back falling down stairs, but she came back two days later and was healed. She also flew a plane to France, by herself. She also broke up with him by telling him that she was gay.
This happened in high school
The new guy at work told me he is the only person in Western Europe aloud to train in the Beijing martial arts temple. Apparently it's something to do with his complete mastery of the martial arts!
This guy is 240 pounds and 5'5" tall, also he gets out of breath moving one bag of cement.
Addicted to heroin at 15 (plus he kicked the habit on his own after 6 months, yet was still experiencing "side effects")
Got a record deal
Performed with Tommy Lee from Motley Crüe on New Year's Eve
Was the #1 tennis player in the country in his age group
He'd also show me songs he'd "written" but when typing one line into Google brought up the entire song -- by a popular band -- word for word, he'd completely deny it.
Saw a friend post on social media saying she was in Paris, meanwhile I was standing next to her in Florida. Same friend claimed to meet celebrities every time she went to the store.
This one guy at my work lied and said he was going off to work in the nickel mines up north here in ontario, said he was going to live with his girlfriend who had cancer, when he came back he said his girlfriend died of cancer and that he decided to come back to Toronto, one night we all went out drinking, I guess he thought he could confide in us, told us all about how his girlfriend never had cancer, he never went to work in the mines, it was all a lie and we all knew it, no surprise to anyone.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 05:31:28 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he had started a McGyver camp where he would send the kids out into the woods with duck tape and knives.
I lived with one during my first year of university. He was placed with me and 3 others in a flat in our residential hall. My favourite lies had to be:
That his father owned the whole of BP, despite us living in New Zealand and him having a student loan even with their immense wealth, not to mention Google existing.
That he had sex with 52 girls during his last year of high school. One for every week, logically.
That he purposefully failed a basic English competency test because he thought it was fun and wanted to do it again.
That he was offered several football scholarships at multiple different prestigious universities across the world. He was very noticeably unfit and someone that knew him from high school told me that he was in the school's 4th XI team, or something like that.
The guy was a mega-douche. He ended up getting kicked out of the residential hall for attacking a guy half his size that accidentally walked into him.
Victorious hand-to-hand combat with a cougar. Victory achieved during fall from eighty foot cliff, during which fall cougar and liar are locked together in a violent embrace and a tree branch impairs the cougar but misses liar entirely. Both hit ground; cougar is dead. Liar is fine.
There was this gal, let's say "J.", in my crazy ex-girlfriend from college's even crazier circle of goth-pagan friends.
J. insisted she was born in Kiev near Chernobyl (apparently true), and "because of the radiation" was born with venom sacs and an extra knuckle on each hand (er, probably less true). When we asked her the obvious question of "okay, so where the fuck are they," she insisted she was taken by KGB scientists as a baby and operated upon. They must have been fucking incredible surgeons, because they didn't even leave any scars.
Six months later, the head of this little coven of idiots ("M.") called her out for insisting she'd been chased through a playground by people who'd piled out of a black unmarked van. Apparently J. made herself a fake knife wound out of stage makeup and insisted the men from the van had slashed her. M. just sat there calmly giving her deadpan advice on how to make fake wounds look real for, like, 20 minutes.
J. looked utterly humiliated for the rest of the evening, and never made eye contact with M. again that evening. It was fantastic. I didn't have to see much of J. after that.
My senior year I wanted to get into Harvard. A complete nobody in my class stepped up and lied about himself getting in. it just intensified the pressure on me to get in
My sister swears people are constantly insisting she is middle eastern. We are very close and know a lot of the same people. We spend a lot of time in public together. Never once has anyone EVER said she looks middle eastern let alone insisted on it, because she doesn't. She has brown hair and hazel eyes. Her skin is perhaps slightly olive colored but pale as the day is bright, and while she has somewhat Jewish features she doesn't look middle eastern AT ALL. Not even a little. She looks like any other white, brown haired, American girl.
However she SWEARS that people demand she explain her racial heritage to them on an almost daily basis. When I explained to her that we are USSR eastern block type mutts she scoffed claiming that no one would believe her or know what the USSR was. She swears up and down that people get MAD if she tells them she's not middle eastern. "They'll get MAD! And they'll just say 'I KNOW you're Middle Eastern - you stop lying RIGHT NOW - you're SOOOOOOO Middle Eastern."
It's, like, never happened. This kind of shit doesn't even happen to people who actually look Middle Eastern let alone some white girl who just happens to have brown hair. But, she claims her race comes in question just about every time she leave her apartment because she's so "exotic looking". Uh. Sure. Your brown hair is just super fucking exotic. No one has brown hair...
It's obviously a self esteem thing to make herself feel more special/beautiful/exotic than she actually is and it really rubs me the wrong way. Especially how she insists this happens to her just about every day. Like clerks at the grocery store insisting on her racial background and then insisting angrily that she's lying if she doesn't say she's from fucking Abu Dhabi.
So cringy... And she makes up a lot of other lies, too, but that one is the cringiest because it's so obviously a lie and she's CONSTANTLY harping on it. Every time she insists she's "too exotic" to be considered white is just spine shuddering sad. No one thinks she looks exotic. No one.
I knew this girl in high school who would try and convince us she was an mma fighter, she would burn herself with a curling iron to create a "mat burn" effect....She tried telling us she went and fought in a big Vegas tournament one weekend, but her brother, (our good friend,) pretty much outed her for actually just sitting at home all weekend. Also she claimed Beyoncé invited her to sing on tour with her, to which she declined because, "i don't even really like her music."
Smubee · 2 points · Posted at 05:55:33 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend in High School who was really into making movies, and so was I. He had this weird obsession with being better than me, even though his movies were fucking terrible (like really, really bad).
He claims that he met Daisy Ridley at the Star Wars premiere in Toronto (which never occurred) and she is going to be starring in his new film. Not only that, but he's working as the Assistant Director on the next Batman movie.
The thing is that everyone including his family eats this shit up and constantly goes on about how proud they are of him.
It's pretty hilarious.
CFH7 · 2 points · Posted at 05:56:26 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Guy at a car dealership I used to work at mentioned AT HIS INTERVIEW that he was enthusiastic about rocketry and worked on a "rocketship" in his backyard in his spare time. When they sort of laughed this off like it was a joke, he aggressively reasserted "No, it's like a real rocket!" Idk why the fuck they hired him..
I had this friend in college, and we were both music students, singers specifically. This guy was a sociopathic compulsive liar. Anyway, he told me that he wrote an entire opera that was performed by German company who was paying for it. One of his many lies. Some other music he actually composed was later found out to have been plagiarized. Not friends with this guy anymore lol.
Ex step mom I had once said she was going on the show Fear Factor, the show had been off the air for about 5 years.
Another time she said she was flying to LA to try out for the Oakland Raiders... This was right after the movie Invincible with Mark Whalberg came out!
One day I was at my dads for an Oklahoma football game, she came to pick up my little sister (her daughter) wearing a OU cheerleading outfit. She was seriously going out to a bar dressed like that. In her late 30's.
The sad part is she seriously expected everyone to believe all these things. Bitch was cray!
There's a guy in my school who lies constantly just for attention and to seem badass. He says a lot of stupid shit but the icing on the cake has got to be this; When we were about 10-11 he used to come into school and brag about how he goes to this local Shisha café to smoke shisha and meet up with gang members and he is now the head of a gang himself. Its even funnier since we're in a pretty exclusive private school
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 06:03:33 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Knew a guy in rehab who goes: I used to skateboard everyday I can do all the tricks. Im like cool. What shoes do you wear? He goes these shoes (some dc randi shoes) I'm like cool are they new? He goes no I've been skateboarding in them for years. I say,".... Where's the Ollie marks??"
"What's that? I just keep good care of my shoes"
Bs
That I could train my Bayblades. I spent a solid five months of my childhood in my basement every day putting my Beyblades through different obstacle courses.
Gotta say they were quality Beyblades by the end of those five months.
Grew up with a guy who's mother was a compulsive liar. Everything she said was a lie, it was just weird like she had no control over it. To give an example I stop by and had to wait for him to show up after school, she ask if I was hungry and said you just made some stew, she told me she just had some and it had burn her mouth just before I got there. So I try some, not only was it ice cold but it was still defrosting. She was like that every day. The whole family just pretended anything she said was just ignored. I though it was cruel but the more I knew her you just had to do the same because one lie lead to another and another.
This girl in high school used to claim that she got a 6 foot robot for her birthday. The robot had sophisticated AI and was her best friend.
Same girl used to say that her brother can legit do a fireball. Like he straight up hadoken'd people he didn't like.
I remember her telling me this in French class in junior year.
Ragnas · 2 points · Posted at 06:12:19 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he was in the wood with his friend(they were hunting), but found some syrian refugees and shot at them until they left the Bulgarian borders. Oh, he also says he lost his virginty and had a threesome.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 06:12:22 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm late, but I know two people:
1 -
This kid in 8th grade I knew claimed
he had cancer
his dad was in the seal team 6
his dad has an rpg at home
2 -
My dad
when asked, brags about all his hunting game, including plenty of boar and deer, he has only caught some flounder in his hunting career
How were all of you friends with these people? I wouldn't have been able to stomach lies like these without just laughing in their faces about how dumb they were.
A man I know said he went into the desert and did peyote, then woke up in naked drenched in sweat surrounded by a group of people....at the age of 16.
kap10z · 2 points · Posted at 06:18:01 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ah, my ass of a brother in law. Let's see he was the youngest to almost sail around the world. To save weight he cut the handle off his toothbrush and ate only power bars. But he got constipated so the Navy rescued him. He was going to try again the next year, but since he was turning 16 was too old to try again.
Then he rode his Harley across the US in record time and the Mayor of New York threw a parade (or his hometown, he's changed the location) and gave him the golden key to the city. I asked if I could see the key, but his mom has it stored in a lock box because it's priceless.
What kills me is his wife who's so sweet, but has to put up with this fuckwad.
A group of us are at Disney World getting on the Mission Space ride, where our compulsive liar friend turns to us and says "Yeah my uncle was the sole survivor of the Space Shuttle Columbia disaster. He stayed back on the space station so he didn't die. But you probably know him better from his appearances on Home Improvement. He's really good friends with Tim Allen."
There was this guy I knew, we met online, he loved going off on long elaborate stories to get attention. He sometimes even posted the stories instead of telling them to me. Then one day he stopped existing because I was just talking to myself. And here I am.
Since many of you may know her by these incidents, I'm leaving off her name to spare her any embarrassment.
1) We were dead broke when we left the White House
2) I came under sniper fire after landing in Bosnia
3) All my grandparents were immigrants
4) I was named after Sir Edmund Hillary (he climbed Mt. Everest several years after she was born)
5) I tried to join the marines but was turned down
6) My email server was set up in accordance with the rules in place. I never had any secret emails on that server
7) She claimed for weeks that Benghazi was caused by a video when there's proof via an email that she knew that night that it wasn't. Equipped with that information, while standing over the flag-draped coffins of the murdered Americans, she repeated the lie about the video
8) I have never had a subpoena regarding the Benghazi attack - Trey Goudy then produced the subpoena showing that she had, in fact, been subpoenaed
9) Regarding Bernie Sanders, “And I always get a little chuckle when I hear my opponent talking about doing it [health care reform]. Well, I don't know where he was when I was trying to get health care in '93 and '94, standing up the insurance companies, standing up against the drug companies."
In the ‘90s, Sanders appeared at a health care reform event with her — in which she thanked him for his work and help on the issue.
Furthermore, she wrote Sanders a letter additionally thanking him for his work on universal health care.
10) Chelsea was jogging around the World Trade Center on 9/11. Chelsea herself has denied she was
11) She claimed she was "instrumental" in the Northern Ireland peace process yet the people who were there say she was nowhere to be seen.
12) Rose Hill billing records turned up in the living quarters of the White House 3 days after the statute of Limitations ran out. She claimed she didn't know anything about them
13) She lied, saying the White House Travel Office personnel were corrupt, thereby allowing them to be fired so her cronies could take over. There was no proof offered and all the employees were found to be upstanding employees. But hey! they needed the slots for their friends.
14) Cattlegate! She claimed that she educated herself and read the Wall Street Journal to learn how to trade in cattle futures. Someone back-checked the Journal and found no articles that would be helpful. She finally admitted the were made in the account of James Blair, an attorney for Arkansas-based Tyson foods.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 07:56:35 on August 18, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well done :)
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 06:54:24 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My mom is a compulsive liar. I love her but I don't trust anything she says. She tries to tell me lies about my childhood all the time and I always catch her in the middle of it.
A guy in high school said his mom died in an underground fighting tournament and he didn't drive his lambo to school because it was too low to go over the speed bumps.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 07:30:58 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
In the sixth grade his computer failed to boot, so he had to rewrite the operating system from scratch. It took all night.
Too many to write down and even if one his stories were true I wouldn't believe it because he has told so many lies. Something can happen while we are together and when he retells the story it will change dramatically. :( He is my husband.
An acquaintance I had in the Army was always a one upper, and 99.9% of the time it was obvious bullshit. His stories varied from being related to Whitey Bulger to being a body builder before he joined (obviously not true) and ect.
When you deploy you spend an unnatural amount of time around people you dislike, so I heard it all. He told us one time when we were out training, that as a child, his father would make him sit in restaurants and use reflections and his memory to recite all the license plate numbers of the cars in the parking lot and details about people sitting behind him. For some reason it sounded really familiar, but I couldnt for the life of me remember why. It finally hit me, that's the beginning of the TV show psych.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 07:52:42 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a classmate back in high school who apparently:
1) owns Ferrero Rocher flip-flops. fucker didn't know that was my favorite chocolate and I immediately smelled BS.
2) hacked the Pentagon.
3) told everyone she has a brain tumour during second year, done in bad taste because we also have a guy who has an actual brain tumour.
there's a lot more but I forgot since I cut off connections with most of my hs batch, but I will never forget ferrero rocher flip-flops
He always makes up a story to not hang out with us. He's an introvert. He doesn't understand that it's okay to say no, but we are friends so I'd rather hang out with him once in a while. The worst lie he told us was that he was going to the doctor's. He didn't go clearly because he was still on facebook sending us messages lol.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 09:26:23 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Can't tell if these stories are true or the commenters are compulsive liars lying about stories about compulsive liars...
My flatmate becomes a compulsive liar only when she's blackout drunk, so I usually end up finding the real story the next day, and she has no recollection of her original version. Best two are that she knocked out a 6 foot guy (she's 5'2") and got arrested by the police who then proceeded to steal her phone, drive her round and drop her off miles from home. Or the time when her mate gave her a piggyback and she fell off, only to explain to me she'd been beaten up by a group of girls and left by all her friends. Dunno what goes through her head when she's that drunk...
The ex of one of my best friends has many entertaining stories. One of my favorites is the time he tried to convince us he "killed a bear" by jumping onto its back and slitting its throat with a "really thick wire" and stabbing it with "a sharpened toothbrush shiv". Of course, before we could ask, he asserted that "I'd show you the wire but my camera isn't working." When we called his bullshit, he dug himself even deeper by trying to act like he had been joking about it being a real bear, then insisting that he had actually broken into a home and shredded apart a teddy bear for literally no reason.
Also, for the longest time he had been trying to convince us that he "can rap as fast as Eminem", sending us the hilariously poorly written raps that he'd made. Every time we spoke to him he would find some excuse for why he can't rap in person at the moment, until one day we verbally cornered him into admitting that he can't actually rap for shit.
And we can't forget the time he ambiguously told us he couldn't talk online because he was "doin' illegal shit". I guess he realized how absurd he was being with his badassery that time because after a minute he confessed that he had actually just jaywalked. Once.
I worked with a guy that lied all of the time and was also a "one upper". We were talking about a friend of ours who just found out that he was going to play Division 1 basketball. After a few one ups he ended up claiming that his friend could dunk from the 3 point line. For reference the Air Jordan logo is Michael Jordan dunking from the free throw line, he claimed that his friend did that from 7 feet further back.
I have 2:
When i was in 8th grade, i had a friend who liked most of the music i did. We were close friends. Talked everyday and shared many funny insiders.
Rewinding to how i met her (don't worry, i'll make it short.) was through another friend who mentioned that this girl breathed and lived Jrock. (i was obsessed back then.) and that her boyfriend was the lead singer of a jrock band called larc en ciel. Of course, being a gullible 13 year old, i went on ahead and praised her. Going forward, the lead singer all of a sudden became Jade (the bassist from AFI.) she would make up screen names for each member so she can chat with me and my other friend.. while pretending to be the members. She would also photoshop herself in pictures with him and she would use interview videos of Jade to talk to me through the phone...etc.
I look back at it now and i can't believe how fucking dumb i was.
the second one was: My ex boyfriend was known as a compulsive liar in high school, sadly i didn't know him in high school. I met him after he had graduated and i was a senior.
Anyway, he was known to make up stories about him covering for other well known bad members. He would also make up stories about his dad and grandma dying. All for pity and to be praised...
one time he had called me and asked me if i wanted to hear his drum cover of "Welcome to the black parade." by my chemical romance. Of course, i knew he was a phony. He played the regular song over the phone for me and all i had to say was, "uhmmm..... nice......" i should of confronted him.. but i wanted to avoid that argument.. because a liar gets crazy after being confronted... oh boy...
I had a friend in secondary school who'd say that she had cat ears and tail growing on her body. However, it wouldn't "show up" when other people are around. Only when she was alone. She also claimed to have jumped off the roof and survived because she was a half-cat. She was cold serious about it.
That's just the greatest of her lies. I believe that this girl's every word was a lie.
Not a story, but a friend of mine posted an obviously photoshopped picture of the Blood Moon and acted like he took it. It looked nothing like most people's pics because of the clouds that night.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 17:41:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Later in life, my grandmother told people she was a Canadian pilot in the Second World War.
Nope, she worked in a plane factory in the Toronto area.
This dude me and my mates know reckons he has a degree in anything, has worked everywhere and isn't working now cause he is "taking a break" from it all.... Dudes like 23 and reckons he is a qualified everything. Also has to story top everyone which is hilarious when you call him out on it.
Kid I was friends with freshman year of high school insisted he was gonna be a famous rapper. One day in class he leans over and asks what I thought of some lyrics he'd written.. On the page were both of Del the Funkee Homosapien's verses of "Clint Eastwood" handwritten in his notebook. I promptly called him out and he just stammered and said "oh yeah, I really like that song." I still cringe thinking of this. And I can't fathom why he would think that would fly, it was a very popular song especially during that time.
I had a boyfriend in high school who wrote down the lyrics to "Lullaby" by Shawn Mullins and told me that he had written the song for me. It was so cringeworthy that I dumped him 5 minutes later. I feel gross just thinking about that.
This girl who I was friends with told me she gave head to her boyfriend on an airplane and made him finish. She has never had sex before and doesn't really enjoy anything sexually, but somehow she kept her head under a blanket long enough, without getting caught, to make him cum. She also mentioned that there was someone sitting in the seat next to her and the stewardess would walk by, but no one noticed. Meanwhile, there are people who masturbate under blankets and make planes land early to kick them off.
A guy claimed he custom built his computer to have (and claimed it had) a 200 terabyte hard drive. I thought he was mistakenly saying "terabyte" when he may have meant "gigabyte". Nope. He stuck with it.
An established Polish Youtuber based in the UK, xitsmike. I don't know him personally, but I know enough about him and his fiancé to know they're both as bad as each other when it comes to lying.
Firstly, he used to always whine on Twitter and Tumblr about how abusive his parents were. That stopped when his dad found out about this, and to my knowledge what followed was the only real incident of domestic abuse he's ever endured.
Then, along with another Youtuber, he accused someone with mental health issues of lying about everything in order to garner attention, claiming he had definitive proof. Firstly, said victim lived on the other side of the country to him and, unless he travelled all that way just to get "evidence", had nothing to actually back up his claim. Secondly, said victim never received any special treatment or attention from anybody, ever. I'm still not sure what Mike was talking about.
Also, both Mike and his now-fiancé made false rape allegations against a guy who both had slept with before dating each other. My understanding is that neither of them were going anywhere with this guy, and left it at that. Mike, however, kept begging this guy to take him back, going as far as threatening to kill himself if he didn't. He even sent him disturbing pictures of self-inflicted injuries all over his body to try to get him back. When that didn't work, he created a false story about how he was raped four times, twice in one night. Police found the guy innocent, and Mike's story was hastily deleted from his website, along with his fiancé's own story.
Oh, and there's also the record deal he allegedly signed up for about three years ago (we're STILL waiting for his debut single, btw, never mind the EP). Plus the time he was homeless, despite living with his fiancé in their own flat, and begged his audience to send him money; first to "buy [him] a house", then to "help him get his life back on track", but he'd use the money to buy an iMac, iPhone, new filming equipment, etc. Also he lies about his last name, his nationality (he doesn't like people knowing he's Polish), his school years, his upbringing...basically, I've never known him to be honest in his life.
I had a co worker at my old retail job who was always spouting shit. Some of the ones that stuck with me:
-She worked for NASA, was a proffessor at a very prestigous university and was Special Forces
-Commanded a team of Special Forces Commandos and planned missions from her living room
-Frequently took top secret trips to consult for the government
-Once had to be picked up by helicopter in the store parking lot for a mission
I'm sure theres others. All this from a women who was at least in her mid 40s and definitely not in special forces shape...
I work with a guy (we're in the US) who's flown to Mt Everest hundreds of times. Sometimes he jumps out of planes or helicopters to snowboard down the peak, sometimes he climbs the entire mountain.
He's a "famous" DJ and flies all over the country for his gigs. He's got one coming up for Mardi Gras where he will be the main attraction. He shows me all kinds of dubstep that he produces (we all know he didn't actually make the music but I always play along hoping he'll continue his lies) he gets paid up front thousands of dollars for his shows but works with me 5 days a week for minimum wage at a sporting goods store.
He's flying to Germany soon to get in touch with his roots and buy a snowboard (for Mt Everest) the snowboard, by the way, is only available for purchase in Germany and cannot be bought online and shipped to the US.
Tonight he flew out to Boston for a one day visit. He recently played Fallout 4 so that's where this lie comes from, he's one of those guys who just lies about whatever is closest. He could reach out and grab a pen and suddenly you will hear about how he purchased a $20,000 fountain pen in Italy (he hasn't lied about pens yet but I'm sure I could get him to by saying I know nothing about pens)
How does he afford to do all the things he does? (aside from the fact that he's a famous DJ) well, that's simple he has a millionaire friend named Damien who owns a construction company, a company with no name and a friend with no face of course. Anyway, Damien owns a private jet that my coworker can use at his leisure.
He invited me to the next Mt Everest trip along with one of our other coworkers and loves to remind us that the trip can be cancelled last minute for Damien's business but I'm still waiting to see where that goes.
So late to the party, but this guy is so bad, that just writing it down will make me feel better.
I'm a researcher in a University. This guy is a new (<2 years) lecturer. He combines 1-upping and lying to make the most incredible stories.
By "trade" he's a geophysicist. However, he's also a top sniper, race car driver, welder, professional athlete and part of the mafia.
My favourite lie of his was that he was inside the vatican - he just walked in. A swiss guard came and asked him for ID, to which he responded by breaking the guards arm in three places. He got off free because "his dad is the top judge in Italy". To top it all off, the guy is about 5'8, probably weighs about 120lbs and looks like he hangs upside-down in a vile of vinegar each night.
So, I was meeting a friend of mine to go and see the new avengers movie. Now, this guy had the habit of being to late quite often and always has a wonderful excuse for it... Bus got stuck in traffic, bike broke down, had to help an old lady, that kind of stuff...
Now this time he was REALLY late and the movie was about to start... So I decide to call him to see what's up, but I can't reach the guy... After another unfruitful try, I head into the theatre somewhat pissed that I had already bought tickets for the both of us and he didn't show up. I decided to leave him a voice mail message with the seat numbers and tell him he better have a hell of an excuse for this... However, he didn't show up in the end.
A few days later, he called me to say he was sorry, followed by an amazing excuse ...
So he told me he decided to go to the movie theater by bike, only to find out that his bike had been stolen. He saw some tracks and followed them right into some back alley where he found his bike, completely untouched and intact. When he grabbed the bike he was punched in the back by an unknown masked man, who said he shouldn't have followed them.
Next thing he did was trying to call 911, only to see two more men popping up, both big bald dudes, dressed in black and coming at him threatingly. While scurrying up and running from the (now 3) men, he drops his phone, but can't be bothered since he just wants to get away.
Some way or another he manages to get up on a dumpster in the alley and to jump onto a nearby fire escape ladder. He starts to climb for his life, while one of the three guys persuits him, and after climbing 2 stories of fire escape ladders, he finds an open window. Now my friend is terrified, doesn't think and just rushes inside the house, looks for the nearest exit and scrams outside.
Next thing, after he got home, he told his mom the entire story (he still lived with his parents) and asked her to call the cops. His mum turns pale and gets visibly scared and tells him silently, 'no, the cops won't be of much help to you now... You need to leave, and leave soon... I'll arrange for a place for you to stay at, you'll have to live with your aunt and uncle for the time being". She immediately drove him to the airport, bought a plane ticket and told him everything had been arranged. She kissed him on the cheek, gave him the ticket and then left him.
The journey had been better than he expected, since he got promoted to first class, because his seat seemed to have been booked twice. He thought it would be nice to enjoy after all that fuss, downed a glass of orange juice and slept like a baby for the rest of the flight.
After landing, he looked around and saw someone with a cardboard plate that had his name on it. He looked like a police officer, but when he went near the guy, he recognised the guy, it was one of the beefy guys from the alley back home. He ran away as fast as possible, whistled for a cab. One approached him and even though the licence plate looked somewhat sketchy he jumped straight into the car. He shouted the adress to the driver and they were off... The drive was horrible, there were these big plush dice hanging on the mirror, which smelled like putrid old socks and the cab driver couldn't keep his mouth shut for a second.
The drive was long and it tiresome, and it was already evening when they arrived, probably about 7 or 8 o clock... He paid the cab driver, who offered him a business card with his number and info. My friend just looked at the foul pluch stench-balls and yelled, yeah... I'll smell you later...
He had finally arrived at his destination, still not really sure what the hell had happened to him, but he didn't really care, he rang the bell and was welcomed inside. His aunt and uncle had heard everything and wanted to comfort him as much as possible, pampering him with his favorite drinks, movies and games...
At the end of his story, I just sighed, noticeably annoyed. He told me "now, don't be mad man... I'll make it up to you, you can come over to Bel-air and come stay with me for a while, I'm living the life as a prince man!"...
I got annoyed and just told him: "I've had enough of your lies, excuses and crap Will, I don't wanna see or hear you anymore!" after which I just hung up the phone...
I dated a girl when I was 26, who introduced herself as being 23. Later she said she had graduated from a four year college and had been in town for three years. I called her out on the math not making sense and she said, OK, I'm actually 25. I'll let it slide, but no more lying, plz. Then she was showing me a scrapbook of stuff from when she was a kid and I noticed a newspaper clipping that she was in. It said she was 5, and the date on the paper was 1982. Now, I was born in 1981 so immediately I was like, uh... this paper here says you're actually closer to 29 than 25. "Oh that must be a typo." You're a typo, you liar.
My roommate told me he filled a metal trash can with "10 pounds of weed" , lit it on fire, and then got high off of the smoke. I don't think he knew how impractical or absurdly expensive that would be, but he insisted that he did it.
Also I know another guy who steals stories from reddit comments and pretends they actually happened to him.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:01:57 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted] · 7 points · Posted at 12:49:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When I was in prison, there was this woman who would constantly talk about her boyfriend. She said they were madly in love and that he missed her so much, but I never saw him go to visitation once.
Turns out they aren't together. She actually tried to murder his actual fiancée with a car bomb.
Now she's married to a guy she met through prison pen pals I think? She said they're trying for a baby. Okay.
I work retail, mostly behind the checkouts meaning I spend a fair chunk of my working day interacting with many weird and wonderful people.
Now, this isn't all bad I'm quite the social chap however a lot of the 'small talk' conversations irk me a fair bit so I tend to think on my feet a fair bit and literally just make shit up to random customers when the tide takes me to Liesville.
Here, is one of them from my ever-growing volume of lies shamelessly copied from my own Facebook. (A lot of this could be incoherent to Non-Brit folk)
Danzo's fucking weird and pointless customer lies: Volume 4.
Some girl buys a Terry's chocolate orange for £1.
Girl: -Gasps- A chocolate orange for a pound! That's crazy! They're £4 at Spar!
Me: Ugh, I know! Literally I think I've eaten my body weigh in them this week alone (I've eaten half of one)
Girl: they're getting hard to open though now, that's the only problem!
Me: Well!! I was gonna say actually (wasn't) it may be a pound at the moment but one of them has ended up costing me loads.
Girl: How?
Me: No word of a lie, right (every word was a lie) I hit it on the table, wouldn't open... Hit it harder.... Still, nothing. So I got irritated and full on hit it against my wall..... Anyway, as it goes my wall is paper thin, and nowwww! There's a conveniently sized chocolate orange hole in the wall. I've not yet called the landlord because what the hell could I say without looking like a madman?
Thankfully I won't have to say a word, on account that there is no hole, hell there's not even a chocolate orange.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:50:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Retail/salesmen here. I make up alot of BS stories when dealing with customers as well.
Well, I am really embarrassed to say this, but I too tend to make up shit sometimes. I dont know why that happens, why I'm compelled to say something that's obviously false to both me and the people listening. Once I made up a story about how I proposed to a girl in my third grade class. Again, I'm embarrassed to say it now, but at the time I told this story, I came up with a lot of creative plots and narrated whatever came into my mind, like "I grabbed her hand and we ran away into the playground" and "we got reported to the principal" etc.
Late to the party, but most of these examples being upvoted are terrible liars. The worst(best?) compulsive liars are the ones that you may never realize are lying.
My weed man told me Willie Nelson personally gave him a LB out his secret stache and I could buy some for an extra $20. He also told me the highest he's ever been was when he smoked a bowl on top of Mt. Everest.
Ah yes, Canada, the place where most fake SO live.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 18:10:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hillary Clinton said she was always against NAFTA after she was the one who made sure it passed. That was one of my favourites from her. The best though was when she claimed she was for progressive values only years after campaigning against gay marriage. What a classic.
friends dad gave him got 4 free tickets to watch a rugby game (good match), the weather was shitty and it was 2 hours before kick off. I was with him and we got a yes from another buddy. the 4th guy whom we not so close with says yes but is coming from far...
2 mins from kick off we can't wait anymore and we put his ticket inside the plastic you get covering a cigarette pack, twice. place it under a bin and text him the location. we enjoy the match and the next monday i tell a couple friends from campus about the mission to watch the rugby match including the hidden ticket - but we never saw him and weren't too eager to talk to him.
2 weeks later a friend from campus tells me that he's chilling by his gf and one of her friends tells this ridiculous story of why he left early the last time, involving leaving a comfortably warm house to go out into a storm to watch a rugby match with friends of a friend (who is not with) and then on the way getting a text to where his ticket is hidden - now this guy is a known story teller so people question him about evrything including why the ticket didn't get soaked and as he explains my buddy asks if he knows wahe3bru and then vouches that he's story is true
would of loved to see the look of on there faces ;)
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 11:44:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A man who I work with claims there is a super fast bullet train on operation from Manchester to London that takes 45 minutes.
My cousin tried to tell me that he was part of the team from the movie "Zero Dark Thirty" without ever mentioning the movie name. He just gave us the plot synopsis and hoped that no one would noticed.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 11:52:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Her car was in a James Bond movie, and obviously, despite being a Mercedes, it was Bonds car.
She once laughed at someone giving out how expensive paper was and then told us that she never had to buy paper, she just photocopies a sheet she has at home.
Worst of all, she told everyone she had cancer. Oddly enough, the cancer seemed to go away after a few weeks, then both of her parents seemingly got cancer, which also disappeared is a few weeks
I met this guy (25-ish years old) who worked as a taxi driver in Namibia. He was a millionaire, a doctor, a lawyer, and a former Premier League footballer, the taxi thing was something he just did for fun.
My ex boyfriend (when we were around 18-19 years) claimed that he had read the final Harry Potter book before it was published. The book were just about to come out at that time so it would be easy to prove/disprove. I kept asking him about the storyline in the days up to the publication of it and he kept making up crazier explanations for why he wouldn't tell me. I was very stubborn and eager to reveal his lie and it got so bad that he would immediately hung up the phone or leave if I mentioned Harry Potter. He never could tell me what the book was about, so I had to read it myself.
Other notable lies were that he had met and partied with Tyra Banks (we don't even live in the US), and had made the drive between two cities 50 minutes apart in 10 minutes.
I ended up breaking up with him..
A guy on out dorm floor in college had tales to tell. My 2 favorites are
1- in high school he was the only player to score 2 touchdowns on a single play. He explained as he crossed the goal line he fumbled. The defense picked it up and ran it back. Our heroic friend Rama him down 80 yards, stripped the ball, picked it up and returned it for the official score.
2- also claimed he routinely broke opposing players helmets because he hit them so hard.
He had more nutty stories but those are the ones he repeated
That she was pregnant with twin babies, and one was born prematurely but the other wasn't "ready" so they put it back. Then both babies were mysteriously put up for adoption.
I had a friend who had a daughter in a northern state, when driving up to visit her he sent a picture of the deep snow and bragged about how well his truck was handling it. In the window you can clearly see "Lexus" printed. He didn't drive a Lexus. Wtf why would you lie about that?
Context: he's a 40-something years old man, divorced with 1 kid aged 13 or so. His father was wealthy and his money was shared when he died but no one managed to keep his business running. The compulsive liar lived off his inherited money for a few years (he burnt it quickly), reality hit him and he's now a rather poor man struggling to find a job but he has the need to show off, so he lies.
It's got to a point where you can't really believe anything he says. A tiny part of it might be true but he exaggerates everything a lot.
Whenever he overhears anyone is going on holidays to another place he joins the conversation saying he has very important contacts over there who wouldn't mind sharing a room or two, lending a car or just showing them the place. This has happened more times than I can remember - of course no one ever got the number or any information about those contacts.
Last 'big' lies were something about being offered a very important position in uhhh Costa Rica? Apparently his cousin owns the largest coffee plantations and is pals with the president. The plantations are so large he has several helicopters to do some quick surveillance.
Another one was that some hotel from another Caribbean country offered him some CEO/manager position too and he was leaving last summer. He's still here.
When we were kids, my older brother was called out for not brushing his teeth. My father asked him, he lied and said yes. My father checked his toothbrush and it was dry. My brother went as far as to say he dried his toothbrush with the hair dryer. I still find this funny 30 years later.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 12:41:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I did know a guy in the 1980s who had a tiger for a while. He was in construction and made good money and he could not afford to feed it. He was able to get a zoo to take it. It was not fully grown when he gave it up and he had not had it declawed or defanged.
I know a mid-50's guy named Max. Really sweet, nice guy-drives a big rig for a living. He is also 450lbs and about 5'9" Throughout the 18 months I have known Max I have heard these tidbits:
-works undercover for both the CIA and FBI
-trains Navy Seals
-until a year ago he was with the 82nd Airborne
-played QB at NC State
-was a Marine
-needs to be 450lbs as part of his undercover work
-has had dinner with every President since Jimmy Carter
-has three testicles
-wife finds really hot girls and brings them home for Max
It never stops. The sad thing is this dude is really funny and sweet. Just feels the need to embellish everything.
Not any one person but as a mechanic with many years experience it cracks me up when you get a new guy talking about this car he drove,has, built etc. trying to impress everyone
Your story starts filling with giant holes when you tell it to people who know about the stuff your talking about and we see every flaw in your story.
He had a jetpack in his backpack. But a truly powerful one that allowed him to go as fast as a jet. But he was out of gas and had to go to Mexico to fill it back up with a special kind of fuel.
Later that year, he and his parents actually took a trip to Mexico, so when he came back, we obviously asked if he had filled up his jetpack.
Of course he did! He used it all week to fly him and his parents across the whole country! But now it was already half empty, and he absolutely needed a full tank just for ignition during the cold canadian winter.
He wasn't a young kid. We were around 12-13 years old and the guy was around 15 and seemed to genuinely believe his lies and would constantly have such inventions of his own creation that he couldn't show off from fear of the government tracking him down.
His fear of the government didn't stop him from telling us all about them though.
Mazoo1 · 1 points · Posted at 12:48:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When someone claims twin Titan SLI in their notebook, you know something is up.
ctare · 1 points · Posted at 12:48:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I work with a fella, Josh. First time I speak to him, he tells me how he hasn't passed his driving test cause he had a seizure and they took his learner licence away for a year, fair enough.
Then a few weeks later he topic comes round again and this time he hasn't passed because he actually had a shoulder injury from rugby. Obviously I'm now skeptical, because not only has the seizure never happened, he's hefting pretty heavy loads round the shop with a supposed shoulder injury.
Next few times we work together after that I find out that he's been on a night out and woken up in a different country, been manager of a computer shop at 16, and had an offer from Oxford university but turned it down because of his managerial position. The last one came out after I'd told him I'd had an interview at Cambridge.
I go along with it because I'd like to see how much more ridiculous it can get.
Aspiring actor friend told us that he was cast as Peter Pan in Guillermo Del Toro's new, gritty interpretation of the story slated to be released in 2018.
So two guys at my high school caused quite a bit of trouble. Turns out they had been riding around in a stolen car for a couple of months and then one of them crashed it into a house while driving drunk. The other one wasn't in it, but his fingerprints were all over everything (he already had a record) so they stole another car and fled the state. All well and good, this is mostly verified and various versions of it are going around the school. I happened to hear a rather interesting version of it that involved a third guy that nobody knew about and was concealing is involvement for obvious reasons. I didn't really know the guy that told me this, I just saw him in the parking lot occasionally where a few people would have a smoke before heading to class. But I knew he was lying when he told me that he was the third guy. I knew that because I was the third guy. I kind of shit my pants at the thought that this story was going around, but nothing ever came of it.
I had a gay friend live with me for awhile and he always talked about this guy he was dating. No one had ever met him but he had a million stories about him. I always thought it was fishy.
One day I went in his room for the first time in ages and saw a photo album with his boyfriends name on it. I thought "oh, he actually IS real, huh!"
I opened it and sure enough it was filled with pictures of a guy, piercings and long black hair. The pictures were printed on printer paper.
A quick Google search of "emo guy", and the truth was out. He was fake.
Same person would also often make fake Facebook accounts pretending to be someone who was moving to our town, and would ask his friends questions about himself using the account.
"I got home from school one day and my mom/step-dad had moved while I was at school the whole house was empty and my stuff was in boxes in the front yard, I have no idea where my mom lives now and I haven't been able to contact her since then."
You mean minus the fact that you are friends with her and your sister who still lives with her on facebook and they tag you in photos all the time?
My sister is a narcissist and by extension a liar. One of our mutual friends was abused by his dad, beat with the buckle end of a belt for breaking a dish kind of abused.
Now, my parents aren't perfect and have anger management issues. But they weren't as bad as my friend's dad by a long shot. They yelled at us a lot. My mom had severe anxiety and would ground us, then calm down and forget she did. Example: I left a load of laundry in the dryer, was screamed at for being irresponsible and inconsiderate, and grounded for a week.
She told him the above story as her story, not mine. So she'd have more stories to make her childhood sound like his.
Some unintidating guy in grade 11, I was in 12 at the time, tried to tell me he was an arms dealer in Toronto. Oh yeah he could get crates full of glocks and mp5's but anything bigger would be taxed and the cost wasn't worth it. This was a pale beanpole kid with a voice like your stereotypical nerd.
I had an Indian friend that would tell you life stories that sounded a little far fetched to say the least. He would loose track of what he told you so he would then show you Bollywood movies with those plots. The best one was him having a stand down with the whole police force in his city and telling them to "shoot me already".
This guy from my old school said his mother gave birth to him in the car, and he drove his mum to hospital. Sounds like a joke, but he's deadly serious and got really angry when you took the piss.
I had a friend who lived a couple doors down growing up. I was nice and trusting kid which made me super gullible. At first it was small stuff like her knock-off american girl doll was actually real and my real one was the knock-off or that Britney Spears was her cousin and she lived in our neighborhood, or that her dad could lift a car or that she could talk to animals. I'm sure there were more but those are the ones I can remember. Her parents had a Y2K shelter in their house so maybe that whole family was a little unstable.
"The dr told me I have cancer, but if I get pregnant the cancer will go away"
nehala · 1 points · Posted at 12:59:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he spoke several languages fluently.
He "speaks" both Irish and Scottish gaelic, German, Portuguese, etc.
He's "fluent" in French but once texted me asking me what is French for 15 (this was before smartphones)-- and I speak beginner's French.
Once I got a sniff of how full of BS he was, I asked him what was Mandarin for 20, having had looked it up in advance. He blurted nonsense. He also complains Chinese people always speak to him in an accent he can't understand.
He got shot in the knee while raccoon hunting and has a wooden splint type thing inside instead of a metal one. Complete with the limp and everything. He's also color blind and has to ask you what color red things are constantly so you can't forget.
Oh and he has an 8 inch dick that's just so troublesome.
I work with a guy who is a crazy liar he tells all sorts of stuff, he tells eveyone the ring he wares if a family ring passed down for the Napoleonic war but it is Aragorns ring Lotr, he says he is a British citizen and has dual citizen ship (we are in canada) and he doesn't have to pay taxes because his bank account is in canada, the list goes on and on with ridiculous shit
Dealer in his mid 30s always told us about his girlfriend named Karin, Katrin and sometimes Katharina. Till today nobody ever saw her. And one time he tried to make us believe that a police helicopter was hovering in front of his balcony and they were filming him via infraredcameras.
Roaro · 1 points · Posted at 13:05:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he holds he record for the highest speeding ticket in Massachusetts. apparently he was caught going 240mph on a motorcycle. I doubt he can even ride a bike, let alone a motorcycle.
That his father is the head of the local mafia, and according to "Mafia tradition", as the firstborn son, he has no choice but to become the next head figure when his father steps down. According to him, if he doesn't accept, the mob will kill him and his husband.
His foreign-born Irish husband apparently is heir to an enormous dairy fortune that stems from huge tracts of farmland that his family owns in Ireland. This was used as the reason the husband didn't take my friend's name in marriage, as they couldn't forfeit their "Irish dairy throne".
Has turned down multiple jobs at Google, despite working an inferior job.
Has dominated several bar fights despite being 5'3'' with no formal training.
Runs 4-5 self-made businesses and makes a gigantic salary at a day job, but still can barely afford the mortgage on a small home.
Really nice kid, but can't seem to stop lying about his life in utterly bizarre ways.
There were a few from a girl I met in college, but two of them stand out:
1) She was at home with her mom and there was a storm. She was texting everyone in our group of friends that a tree had fallen on their driveway and cut a powerline and there was a fire.
I've been to her house. There were no trees within distance of her driveway, and no above ground powerlines on her street at all.
2) That a guy from our college basketball team liked her and had been texting her. She showed us all of "his" texts "he'd" sent her and said he gave her a signed jersey. We asked to see the jersey and she said she couldn't find it. We also realized that the person in her phone whose name was saved as the basketball player was just her boyfriend.
We realized this because she was trying to tell HIM it was the basketball player as well, and he had the exact same texts on his phone...
She told me that she's friends with pewdiepie and he went alllll the way to a mall in Texas just to meet her. She said she took a picture with him but never showed me the picture. She also said she went to a twenty one pilots concert with markiplier.... Oh and I can't forget how she said she actually has red colored eyes and wears brown colored contacts so she won't scare people.
Met this guy named Otto. An unemployed meth addict. In the first conversation: He was an engineer, owned a construction company, was a champion MMA fighter, lived on a yacht, drove a Jaguar, he was just back from travelling the world, and had just smoked an entire ounce of weed.
wutser · 1 points · Posted at 13:06:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My half sisters dad told me a ridiculous story once. It started off normal he said he was in a bar and things started to get rowdy with another person so they went outside in the alley to settle the score and while he was fighting the guy a gunshot rang out and killed the person he was fighting. It's sounds somewhat believable so far then he went on to say the shooter was his brother with a sniper rifle from over a kilometer away. The bar he was in is in the middle of a downtown Calgary.
This guy is always bragging about the women he goes out with, sleeps with, send him nudes, etc. He's always willing to show pics of his latest conquest, glossing over the obvious Brazzers watermark.
When I was maybe 6 years old, a friend of mine tried convincing me that he had been shot out of a cannon onto his roof. He said that his dad just had a cannon and it was a ton of fun. I knew he was lying but I couldn't call him out on it because he would just insist that it was true.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:10:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
She told me in all seriousness she was Playboy's Miss May 1973. She would have been 9 years old. She has a copy but is not sure where it is because she hid it from her husband who didn't know.
Maybe the time he got in a fight with three guys because he was hitting on one of their girlfriends. He didn't have a scratch on him, despite claims they hit him with a bat.
Or perhaps it was when he told us the reason his family moved was because his mom won a lot of money in the lottery, and didn't want to share with his dad. When I asked why they rent a shitty apartment, he said it was to be on the down low. Then he asked me for a cig.
Could it be the time he told us he was training to be an olympic runner... nothing specific, just a runner. Then lost a footrace against me, the fattest and most out of shape member of the group. (I almost puked, but had he actually trained I wouldn't have stood a chance) He lost because "I'm not wearing the right shoes"
Nah, come to think of it, here's the best one : He comes to our place and takes a drug. we tell him it will take a while to kick in. he gets bored, and against our protests he goes home. 45 minutes later he calls me. We need to bring a joint to the walkway by his house ASAP.
We get there, and he wants to smoke the J because he's so stressed. (clearly out of his mind) Someone says "why are you so stressed?" and he tells us that the police were just at his house. They're accusing him of murder. They have his DNA and Hair at the scene of the crime. "Why didn't they arrest you?" his response : "Not enough evidence, but they're watching me"
A kid I went to school with once told me that a 20-ton block of concrete fell on him when he was 5 and shattered his hip. Considering he was fully able and healthy in high school, I highly doubt that it was true.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:12:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He wrote half the songs on Dave Matthews most recent album, he hangs out with Justin Timberlake, or as he calls him JT.
My housemate at uni once claimed he 'walked across the campus lake' because he was late for class and wanted to save time. The lake was frozen, but the top layer of ice was probably less than a centimetre thick. I went to Uni in the UK - I'm not aware of a single lake in the UK that would freeze thick enough to walk on, but I might be wrong on that.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:38:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I am from the UK. I have never seen it cold enough to walk on a lake.
This girl is my wife's friend and she told several people that two guys fought over her, and she ended up rejecting both because she has no time for that, and she was with someone better in bed.
Then my wife told me she was lying, she is still a virgin because she want a thor-type guy and she dont want to do anything about her weight or even dress acordly. To this day she still bring that up.
My sister has told people multiple times that she has had several miscarriages and when asked why she never seems to be distraught she replies with "It's just my life now I'm used to it".
This guy Al I went to high school with was a man amongst boys when it came to lying. He once claimed he went to Italy for a magic the gathering tournament. We called him out on it, and he pulls up on his phone (this was before smart phones) pictures of the tournament. The pictures are looked very staged and generic. One of my friends went to a computer and found the same pictures online and confronted Al. Al's response was that they were only allowed to take photos from certain spots, so they look similar.
The part that scares me is that this means he set up the lie in advance and prepared for it by downloading photos to his phone. This wasn't some demented spur of the moment lie, this had forethought.
He was my ex. He told me he got mugged amd stabbed on the way to the animal shelter (I told him I liked dogs and he said he was gonna take pictures of them) to stop me from breaking up with him. So he was basically telling me that he had access to internet and his phone while in the hospital and he treated going to the police about it unimportant. Also wouldn't send pictures of the hospital. He'd ignore me whenever I asked him for it and continue the pity show. I got out of there real fast. I kind of feel sad for him though. He was lonely and deppressed and needed attention very badly.
I had a roommate in school that tried to convince me she had a spring and a plate in her foot. The way she described it was so incredibly stupid and would have served no medical purpose whatsoever. She was adamant though, even when I called bullshit. All I could think was, why would that she lie about that?
A 15 year old (with obviously zero experience in programming) was constantly claiming he created NOVA (an iPhone game) and that he was making millions out of it. He was subsequently kicked out of school because his parents couldn't pay the 5k a year tuition.
This is one thing that really irritated me, but there are plenty of others. I came home and put a taped 10 dollar Bill on the table. Went to the bathroom, came back And it was gone. I immediately knew it was my mom. I cornered her and made her empty her pockets. Then there was the money. She told me her mother gave it to her. She was a compulsive liar and kleptomaniac.
My Sister smokes. Weed and Tobacco. Everyone knows. Most of us don't care. At this point, her life would be way easier if she just admitted it. But she absolutely refuses to, even when she stinks of it.
My mother once found cigarettes in her room, and she still wouldn't admit it.
Oh, and then there's everything else as well. She would deny everything. Stealing my mother's clothes, when she's the only one they would fit. Drinking the nice Limoncella my parents brought back from their anniversary in Spain, even though the only alternative was my 14-yo brother. The only time she ever admitted to something was when she was caught shoplifting by the police.
Now, I feel I need to defend her a bit her: deep down, she's a lovely person. But for the last five years she's had a really, really bad case of needstobepopularitis.
So I'm a nurse (that brews mead) and, on any given shift, I usually have two to three CNAs under my supervision. Most are good folks. They do their job, they are respectful, some are even decent human beings.
But this one bitch was just something else. We'll call her "Bitch".
I started my current job about eight months ago. At the time, Bitch had two children- DragQueenie and... Juzanthapuss. Whatever, their names aren't important.
What is important is that, about six months into working there, she suddenly had five children. Now, I'm usually a forgetful person, so I figured I just blanked on the number before.
Wrong- she couldn't even show me pictures of all the kids.
About a month ago, she suddenly had two more children (apparently foster children). But get this- one of the kids had severe MS... and was deaf.
The second was a sweet little quadriplegic girl...
Who was also blind.
BONUS ROUND
Bitch apparently lived in a mansion (despite working three jobs as a CNA, hourly about 12$/hr) with her millionair husband.
Bitch regularly offered to give me one of her spare cell phones as she was now on her third LG G4 because... she didn't like the colors of the first two. Thisnevercametofruition
Bitch drove a nice BMW... that she never brought to work because she had to drive "that clunker while the BMW is in the shop". It was a 2000 Saturn... in shit condition.
Bitch was a QMA, despite not being on the state's licensing board for anything but a CNA or knowing said board exists and has a database (that anyone can access) of all state-licensed individuals.
But here's a nugget of justice, folks. She was fired and is facing criminal charges because she shoved a resident in front of said resident's family.
He was talking to Danish translaters, to release a group of captured Sea Shephard guys. Oh and because the Danish captured those guys, they were gonna get kicked out of the EU. The process was already in motion.
This came from a 19 year old British kitchen hand.
A girl that I used to be friends with in high school began lying for attention at some point. Not sure what prompted the behaviour, because I'm pretty sure she never used to do it when I first met her. But at a certain point she would even lie about dreams she had. (You could tell she was making it up as she went along, and the dream stories were always tailored to the person she was telling it to.)
One day, I was sexually assaulted by a guy that she had a crush on. It was pretty bad, the police were involved. I'm not sure what part of the attention I was getting seemed enviable to her, but apparently it did.
One day about a week later, this friend, myself, and another friend skipped school to go to the mall. At the end of the day, we were walking back (it's about 40 minutes away from the school on foot), and I needed to make sure I was back in time to catch my school bus. We were cutting it a bit fine, and when we were about 5-10 minutes away from the school, the liar friend says we should cut through this neighbourhood as a shortcut. The neighbourhood she is gesturing to would send us south, the school is to the north. We have made this journey many times, we all know damn well the fastest route between the two points. She is saying we should go in the opposite direction. Other friend and I point this out, but she is oddly determined to walk off alone into the neighbourhood. Whatever. I can't miss my bus, so two of us continue along the obviously right way, while the liar detours inexplicably.
We get to the school, and a few minutes later the liar shows up, pretending to sob, total alligator tears. Says that someone raped her in the neighbourhood she walked off into. She then began to weave an intricate tale of what happened in the few minutes since we had lost sight of her. I don't remember the details of what she said, but it was so fantastical and ridiculous, and there was no possible way that all these things had happened in the amount of time that had passed.
I guess I found that one to be personally insulting, because it's like she was saying she thought I was lucky for what happened to me, since it gave me a great story to tell. I stopped talking to her after that.
I've posted this one a few times whenever this question pops up:
I've got a coworker who told me he's a backup guitar player for Nickleback... He started out by telling me that he grew up with the lead guitarist in a small Mississippi town and when they were kids they started playing guitar together, they remained friends and played together in bands all throughout school, this friend would later move to California and play in a few moderately popular rock bands like Blind Melon and Saliva before finally getting the lead guitarist spot for Nickleback.. (And here's where it gets good), So one day he tells me his friend had broken his hand working on his car or something, a few days later he tells me that Nickleback is looking for a backup guitar player and the friend had asked him if he could "help them out" since their playing styles were similar, I asked him if he was gonna take a leave of absence from work or quit... Oh noooo, since Nickleback is such a large and popular band, they charter a private jet to fly them between gigs so when we got off work he would drive to the local (tiny) airport, board their jet and fly to wherever they were playing that evening, then they would pay him $5000 cash and fly him back to the airport and he'd be back at work at 9AM the next morning.
There's more if you're interested.
TL/DR: Coworker plays guitar for Nickleback, flies around the world every night, back at work the next day.
456due · 1 points · Posted at 13:27:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Angelo. Angelo always lied all the fucking time. Not only was he a very idiotic liar, he is also misogynistic as fuck. But that's for another day.
He told me that his father owned Star Wars. What a fucking idiot, right? He was also obsessed with it. Star Wars bags, shit, and whatnot.
Tom told a lot of lies. They piled up over the months that we knew him, but in the beginning his lies were quite subtle. He wasn't stupid, he was just lonely and entitled and kind of fucked up.
The thing that tipped the balance from "Huh, well Tom told me that it happened that way, maybe I just misunderstood" to "Tom is a crazy person, don't bother believing anything he says" was the bass guitar incident.
We were all about 17. Some of us realised that between us we had enough musical expertise to form a shit rock/metal band. Amazing! But wait! It turns out that we're missing a bass player! Disaster!
But as luck would have it, the guy who's new to our little clan of weirdos steps up and offers to play bass for us. He's got a sweet 5 string bass and has been playing for years! This is amazing! Thanks Tom, this is going to be great!
Yeah, it turns out that Tom could not at all play the bass. The instrument he brought along to the first practice was beautiful, pristine... maybe too pristine. It turns out that he had no idea how to play bass. Our very patient guitarist spent some time trying to teach him but he seemed uninterested in doing anything but jumping awkwardly up and down and kind of hitting the strings.
It was dreadful, and after a couple of practices it was obvious that he'd never played a guitar of any kind before. He kept up the pretense although I don't know why. It was as if he'd buried himself so deep in the lie that even as he was just mashing the strings around he was telling himself that it all sounded amazing.
He later told us that he'd been trained as a ninja in Japan and had also had some training from the CIA.
He was a tubby white dude who, as far as I could tell, had never lived outside the north of England and whose shoes smelled like he'd jammed a rotting bird in each one.
This guy I used to work with was ridiculous. He claimed he was a health nut and had a degree in nutrition (yet as far as I could tell he only attended University for 1 year). He also claimed he had been a dietitian for a popular college football team.
He talked about how much he worked out and how sore he was all the time. Yet he weighed 300 lbs (I will say that based on his Facebook page he has lost weight so props to him there). One day I discussed how when I'm at the gym I like to swim laps. All the sudden he was a near pro swimmer and in high school beat Micheal Phelps (first off no evidence he ever swam and secondly Phelps was a gold winner by the time he was in high school).
He also went on and on about how smart he was and how much he knew about health care since his dad was a cardiologist. We worked in the health care feild and would make himself look like an idiot in front of nurses all the time.
And he talked about how much of a "country boy" he was but yet he was from the largest city in out state. He didn't even know what a Co op was (any small town person in the USA knows what a Co op is).
Knew a dude who said he was born in international waters. But the "official birth county" (or whatever he called it) he said he was born in... is landlocked.
A girl in my year at school told everyone her dad had been diagnosed with late stage cancer and had a few weeks to live. I was pretty close with her and comforted her through it.
One day she came into class and told me that he'd died. She only told me and one of her friends, who in turn told our group of friends. She was off school and uncontactable for a couple of days so some people - perhaps inadvisedly, but we were 15 at the time - took some flowers, chocolates and a card round for her and her mum, and her dad answered the door.
The girl stayed off school for a couple of weeks, we were told never to speak of it again. She left our school soon after but I saw her when I was 19 or 20 and she asked me to go for a drink. After a catchup where we both awkwardly avoided the elephant in the room, she apologised but I didn't really see the need to talk about it too much so I just said not to worry about it and we spent a couple of hours chatting like we did before the incident. These days she and her family all seem happy and well adjusted, I guess she just had issues she needed to work out.
I know a guy named Peter and he constantly lies. Once he told that he bought a new car and it is in the service. He kept going whith that story for next two weeks. The craziest thing is that it was a very detailed story - like all the particular things what exactly they were doing with the car and why. A month later there was still no car and he told us that he needed to sell it. From that moment i started to think that he might have some mental issue.
I knew a guy in university who I think has to be a pathological liar. No matter what story you'd tell, he'd always respond that the same thing happened to him once, only even crazier.
The thing is, he was also the skinniest, scrawniest guy I'd ever met, and his stories involved things like beating up an entire football team in high school, or making out with super hot girls in elevators, things that you know just wouldn't happen in his life.
Remember that thing from the 90's where you shaved 3 vertical stripes into the edge of one eyebrow (think Vanilla Ice)? I worked with a guy who claimed he started that fad. Of course he didn't but if you're going to stick to an obviously fake story pick something better than that particular fad.
always attempting to one up someone's situation by adding something slightly better is all I have. It's not all that annoying because I've been able to predict what he'll say next if someone talks about themselves.
We had a friend that we knew lied about everything. One time as we were hanging out he went to the bathroom upstairs. As he was up there we decided to mess with him and make up a story about him and see how far he takes it. We went on a trip in Middle School to Washington D.C. which this kid did not attend for whatever reason, any way when he comes back we say to him, "Hey remember that chick you fucked on the D.C. trip?". He proceeds to tell us this 20 minute story of how he and this girl hooked up and ended up having sex in a ball pit in a McDonalds. We let him finish his story and spend the next 20 minutes laughing at him since we all knew he didn't even actually go to D.C.
Her mother (who I've met) died before my SIL was born.
Her mother died when my SIL was a teenager. My SIL's sister was so mean, she wouldn't let her go to the funeral.
Her mother (still the same mother) slipped in oil while working at KFC and they paid her $6 million to not sue. The family used the money to buy a mansion, then the father lost the rest on the stock market. The mother still works at KFC.
The family briefly lived in Canada, where they raised abandoned wolf cubs. They raised the wolves to be pack leaders when they were released back in the wild. The wolves all came back and recognised them when they returned years later on holiday.
My SIL got pregnant when she was 17. The father was rich and well known but my SIL encouraged him to walk away so as to not damage his family's reputation. She started bleeding heavily one day, caught the bus over an hour to the hospital, delivered the stillborn baby via c-section, then caught the bus back home on the same day. That night, her family all went out to dinner, leaving her at home to clean their mansion after a party. She tore all her stitches and would have bled to death on the kitchen floor if it wasn't for her neighbour, a nurse, who gave her a transfusion there and then. When her mother came home from dinner, she asked why the SIL hadn't finished cleaning.
wiiv · 1 points · Posted at 13:32:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a guy 15 or so years ago, we worked with a bunch of other guys in a retail setting. We were all "car guys". This new guy started, and one day we were talking about cars, and he mentioned that his piece of shit Eclipse had a 4G63 engine swap.
I'm not an expert on that particular engine, but I know enough to ask a few questions (not accusing questions, generally interested). He gives me answers that are obviously bullshit, but I let it go. The other guys are rolling their eyes. I suggest that we go check it out after work and he claims his hood release is broken and he needs a special tool (at home) to open it.
Another day he was telling us about how the Honda S2000 has a V6 engine. After letting him know that isn't the case, he tells us how his cousin's S2000 is a V6, maybe he got a prototype version or something. Sigh.
Dude I worked with once was a one-upper. We were talking about drugs or something and he told us a story about how he used to break into the mortuary and cut into people's brains to take... something... you can use a drug... don't remember what it was. Stopped caring in the middle of him talking.
I've been waiting for something like this for so long. Let me tell you about my school's delusional valedictorian.
In middle school: her constant lie was that she was this amazing dancer but she tore her acl and mcl. She was so sad because she was determined to become professional. Naturally we all believed her except I thought it was strange how a girl with such major torn ligaments only had a foam brace and some how still danced. Generally... you need a whole hell of a lot of surgery. Became a bit suspicious since I've had plenty of run ins with injuries as a gymnast and my teammates have torn those same ligaments. Freshman year rolls around, I start dancing and lo and behold, she's definitely NOT professional bound. Whatever, she exaggerated her injury and dancing capabilities for her ego. It happens
Sophomore year: she tells us that she's going to this super secret conference that isn't supposed to exist. The only reason she's invited is because her dad used to work for NASA, some super important dude. She brags and brags but by this point everyone is used to her constant lying about boyfriends and a variety of other things, we just roll our eyes. By the end of the week we are all about to kill her because she's talked about this conference so much and how she's going to get sooooo drunk. She takes an extra long weekend and comes back being super mysterious. My teacher very sarcastically asks her about the conference. She's met this Russian spy from the KGB that could "take care" of anyone that crosses her. She's met all these spies from across the globe and heard all this talk about how the world really works. I'm sure you could've heard our eyes rolling at this point. Later she just brags to us about how drunk she got and all the guys she had sex with. Stumbling around her hotels drunk with this guy and all these important teenagers.
Our senior year, same conference but now it's this summer in Canada. Didn't hear the end of that and her Russian best friend that was Archer 2.0
Basically, she's just some delusional twat that lied about everything she did while also treating everyone like they were dirt.
They worked for the government and were sent to the Middle East to assassinate terrorists. The guy has never even left the country and had no idea my father was a federal agent who worked overseas so his lie(s) were so obvious and ridiculous. I totally called him out on it and he eventually admitted it, but was embarrassed.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:35:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Back in school, my friend invited a bunch of us to her place to watch some TV and just hang out. There was this girl who hung out with us because nobody wanted her around. Why? She'd lie and lie and lie so much she couldn't keep up with her lies. We didn't mind she didn't cause any harm, we'd actually laugh at her ridiculous lies. Anyways she told us that she was dating this guy, and she described him as being absolutely perfect, 10+ looks blah blah. She was on her facebook when my best friend suddenly pipes up and goes 'Hey! We want to see what your man looks like move over!' And she looks through this girl's friend list and sure enough there he is, but he looks nothing like how she described. She told us he was white, but he was very clearly a local.
My friend then bursts out laughing and the girl is just fuming. She then looks at us and goes 'You were trying to look him up? Well you can't because he isn't on facebook, this guy just happens to have the same name as him so shutup.'
Lost his football scholarship to Oklahoma State because he broke his wrist punching out a cop.
Lost his place on the PGA Tour because he broke his wrist punching out a cop
Told us he played a flight simulator in high school and the navy told him his reflexes were “so good” that they were going to send him straight to Top gun.
Told us his dad was a U.S. Senator—Easy to check up on
Got the final out for his varsity baseball team winning the state championship (his high school didn’t have a baseball team).
WE actually heard some girls in a public park talking about this guy and all the crazy lies he told.-- the legend had apparently spread far and wide.
My boyfriend and I once worked with a guy who lied about EVERYTHING. He would literally steal lines/plots of movies and claim that they actually happened to him. No shame. My personal favorite was that he had claimed to be "best friends" with Slipknot. He grew up where they did, and they used to jam "all the time." Everyone at work just ignored him and never really paid much attention to his stories.
Until one day one of our managers walks up to me, barely concealing a grin, and asks; "Hey Bountiful, did my boyfriend's name play with Slipknot the other night with Jon?"
Me; "Well, I guess its POSSIBLE that he snuck out to have an intimate concurrent with Slipknot, but the last thing I remember from him going to bed at 4:00a
I mean, its bad enough that this guy is a pathological liar, but to make up something so easily disproved?!?!?
He was in the process of trying out for the Bucs but his car broke down on the way there. He was dating a Victorias Secret super model. He met Bin Laden in line for Space Mountain at Disney World, a few years before 911. Theres more I cant remember.
So I dated this guy for a while, not too long, but I took it really hard when we broke up. We remained friends after, even though it eventually became fairly clear that he'd been cheating on me, etc. I just couldn't get myself to let go. Anyway, feelings die down and over the course of the friendship, things just stop adding up, stuff that I ignored when we were together because I was just an idiot. He had all these stories, and in every single one, he was the hero. Never the idiot. And they were all the type that ended with "and everyone cracked up," or "and everyone clapped." So I caught on that he was basically full of shit, but at that point, I'd moved on, and it was harmless.
Eventually, though, I came across him telling this one set of stories, and they sounded really familiar. They were MY stories, only he'd cast himself in my role and, of course, embellished a lot of the details. I talked to him like, hey, what the fuck are you doing? And he came back with some random bullshit about how it was just easier to tell these stories like they happened to him, it would be too confusing to explain they happened to another person - whatever. Rolled my eyes, moved on. We eventually had some kind of falling out, I don't even remember the details, but I'm fairly certain that I called him out on being a lying shit and he threw a fit, responding to an email I sent him with "You have been deleted from this user's life." I laughed like a lunatic and forwarded it to everyone I knew.
Some months later, I get another email from him. It's an apology. He's sorry. He wants to make it up to me. He's realized he has a lying problem, and he wants to make amends. See, he's joined a 12 step program for liars, and he was on step 9.
I knew a guy who had a put on British accent that sounded like Bart Simpson doing a British accent, and he told people that he'd grown up on an oil platform in the North Sea. He was actually from a small town in rural Georgia.
He also told his housemates that the next door neighbor's air conditioning was using so much power that it was draining the power supply to his PC and causing the internal clock to slow down.
He also claimed to have saved a guy from a mugging by beating the attacker with the collapsible pool cue that he carried in his briefcase.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:52:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So giving a computer less juice than it needs causes the clock to slow down? That's original.
My friend dated a compulsive liar for a while. After it was over he was telling me about the breakup and at a certain point in their relationship, she started ignoring his texts and other attempts to get in to get in touch with her. At the same time, she started posting pics on Facebook with another dude as if they were together.
When my friend asked her about the other guy, she claimed that she wasn't dating him at all. Instead, she said, she was pretending to date him to make her ex/baby's father jealous. My friend, of course, thought this was ridiculous and didn't trust it, but this girl swore up and down for weeks that it was all an elaborate ruse to piss off her ex.
Unsurprisingly, that turned out to be a lie and she was indeed dating the new guy. She is a compulsive liar and would (still does) tell all kinds of little lies about weird shit but this was was just ridiculous.
Had a customer who came into my store all the time and felt like he was friends with the managers and staff. (He wasn't) some of the lies I remember go as follows.
Had a friend who worked at a game studio (I think he said Insomniac. Of course any big game coming out he had a friend who worked for that studio and they got him access so obviously he just bought them instore to keep us afloat) and could get me early access to test their games.
Another was before the iPhone 5 was announced and he said he had a buddy who worked for Apple and he he showed him the new upcoming iPhone and it was going to have all these new features. (wasn't even close even if he was trying to predict it.) I pointed out that we were on the east coast and there was no way Apple would let someone bring it all the way here on vacation. He said he didn't tell them he took it.
The biggest was his conviction for possessing child porn in which he said he downloaded nickleback and it was hidden in the files. That didn't come to light until he actually got hired at another store and they apparently didn't bother with a background check. He was fired for lying on his application believe it or not after they found out.
So, there was this turkish guy that lied about everything and basically at one point the whole school knew it.
When we first got into school he told me and a few friends that he's a Sultan from UAE and that he has like 10 trucks, filled with pure gold in his garage.
He also told me that he owns a 220m2 flat (he was like 12 at the time and one friend of mine lives in the same street like this guy and knew how his house looked.)
When all the IS stuff became popular, he suddenly decided to no longer be from turkey, but instead from syria.
I still don't know why.
Then I had not much contact with him for quite some time, because he wasn't in my class anymore.
When I had to write an exam again, because I was ill, he was there too.
You need to know that he got bullied at the start of the school and everyone made fun of him.
Since he claimed he was from syria, he grew a beard, started to wear normal clothes and started to smoke.
So, I met him there and he suddenly just tells me how many girls he got in one night.
He told me about his lifestyle change and how it affected him so much. So he just stood there and told me that he had 20 girls in one night, and he was completely serious about it.
And in the last month, he told the whole class that he's engaged and how he's going to marry her (he's 17.)
While we were waiting for the tram he also told me that he got into drug selling and all that stuff and told me that he had a deal for 15000€.
But now he left the school and I guess I will somehow miss his storys :(
In college a there was this dude who was a well know liar, one time he told us he was fluent in Russian, and the immediately claimed he forgot ages ago when asked to speak Russian.
Tiiba · 1 points · Posted at 13:44:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew this baron once. Well, he said he's a baron, or his grampa was a baron, or something. German dude, rather old-fashioned, but a nice guy.
He loved to tell stories, particularly about hunting. There was the time he when he shot once and killed a dozen ducks, which fell to the ground roasted. The time he stuck his hand into a wolf's stomach and turned the beast inside out. The one time he killed a bear by holding its front paws until it starved. He had an endless supply.
Best of all was when he went to the Moon atop a cannonball. Not in a cannonball, like the folks Jules Verne wrote about, but on it, like a horse. I'd call his bluff at this point, but I have to admit, he can be fascinating. I was thinking of writing a book about him, but it seems someone beat me to it by just a century or two.
Just started a new job. 1 other guy got hired at the same time so we usually sit together at lunch. He has a story for every situation or knows someone who does. He told me this story on Thursday, which usually I just give a fake laugh and pretend I don't know it's bullshit but I couldn't event pretend this time.
"The funniest thing to do at the mall is mess with security. You just go up to them balling your eyes out and tell them, 'sir please help me I lost myself. Last time I saw me I was in front of best buy' they'll walk with you for 15 minutes until they realize what you said." He 100% expects me to believe that at 22 years old he balls his eyes out to mall security and "tricks" them into trying to find him....while walking with them. It's not even a believable lie! He could have said he tackled someone for them who was stealing or something but no. He went with "lawlz I tricked 'em"
A new girl (who seemed insecure and wanting to impress us, though that's speculation on my part) said that she had run for 24 hours straight, drank 13 litres of vodka on her birthday and was a cagefighter
The reason he walked funny is because he had a "prosthetic leg." We had not even said anything about his legs or how he walks. I mentioned I've seen him with shorts on, but no, apparently the doctors did so well on creating his lifelike prosthetic that you cannot even tell the difference. This is coming from the same guy who said he was taken into a gang at 11 because of his moms cocaine addiction. There's no gangs in our white suburbia, and they definitely wouldn't be taken a chubby white 11 year old.
When my cousin was about 10 (He's mid twenties now and is a good lad), he used to tell elaborate lies all the time.
Two off the top of my head:
He invented the popular N64 game Wrestlemania 2000 on a Net Yaroze Playstation, and told us about a secret special move called the 'X-Pac Special', which was essentially a Bronco Buster from the top rope.
He once thought he was drowning in a lake near where we live, panicked, but then decided to embrace it and tried breathing under water. It didn't work, but he found a SCUBA diving kit, put it on, then rode a shark down to a secret civilisation where he spent the night.
Up until 10 years ago, while I worked and lived in a different city, many of my friends formed an informal men only club.
Mr B was introduced to us through an acquaintance, and he was quite a character.
He had graduated from one of the top colleges, went to Oxford and did his PhD. His father was a defense attorney in Nevada, and he had owned lucrative carpets, rugs and tapestries business on Fifth Avenue in NYC. He had dealt in diamonds and served as a consultant to IBM. He owned a string of mansions in various cities at most exclusive neighborhoods.
We listened, exchanged glances but kept quiets. Then one day we decided to have a reality check. We managed to locate his house and all went there.
He was just a jobless guy living in a not so well off section of the city with broken furniture, poorly clad kids in a two room structure.
So much for the Oxonian Doctorate holder who was a dealer in diamonds.
I guess I'm telling this story from the liars perspective: When I was in high school I was on a billboard. I had these very specific cat eyed glasses and was wearing them in the billboard. All of my friends knew about this but then this dumb jock kid that I didn't know very well came up to me one day and told me that he thought he saw me on a billboard. I immediately saw the opportunity to deny it. I told him I had no idea what he was talking about. He was so sure it was me (it was) but I was so insistent that it wasn't me that he started questioning his own sanity. Everyone piled on that they had no idea what he was talking about. I told him a few days later that I drove by this billboard and that it looked nothing like me, then I told him that I took my parents to the billboard and they don't think it looks like me at all, and that it's just the glasses that were making him think it was me.
The billboard was for a local community college and we all started getting mailers that also had my picture on it. He brought it into school to hold it up to my face and everyone pretended it looked nothing like me.
I know he never believed me but man that was so fun.
A woman in my home town said she saw someone trying to leave a baby on the steps of the local church. I think she told this story to her professor or classmates because she was late for an important event, but it backfired - they insisted she call the police. This is the report about the event prior to it being discovered to be a huge lie, although she did stick to the story for days, adding details til the whole thing unraveled. She was a really sweet girl too, just - fucked up and got caught at it.
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/national/woman-tries-to-leave-baby-on-church-steps/article25430423/
I was telling some coworkers that my brother had broken his leg in the indoor ski slope in Dubai. My brother is in the Navy and was there on leave. I had a coworker pipe up and tell everyone how awesome the indoor ski slope was when he visited it while he was over there. I had worked with this guy for years and the ski slope had just opened a year before. I called him on it. He stopped telling stories when I was around after that. My coworker was in the Marines and went everywhere in did everything in his 4 years.
A sister in law an ex of mine loved to shout out that even though she went to a private shitty college and never finished, she was invited to teach in a prestigious public college. Here in Brazil public universities are way better than private ones.
I guy I went to college with would lie about everything. The best one, he said that the scene from the original Oceans 11, where they are all in the pool hall, was filmed in his grandfathers basement.
Unfortunately, this story has been "confirmed" by his mother (my aunt) and my cousin.
Apparently, when my cousin was around 2 years old, he was able to wake up early and fry 2 eggs for his mother. So somehow, as a 2 year old, he was able to find the correct pan, turn heat on, Crack open the eggs, and cook them perfectly and serve on a plate. I call bullshit.
We're not talking about some child prodigy here. I love him, but the guy is an idiot.
Edit: spelling
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:52:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I dated a girl who insisted that her father had hit a deer with his car at 150 km/h, the deer flew through the windscreen, landed on the passenger seat, lept out of the window and ran off.
bazoid · 1 points · Posted at 13:52:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend in elementary school who was a pathological liar. Let's call her Katie. Usually she'd just lie about stupid stuff, like telling us she'd read the latest Harry Potter book or whatever. One time, though, Katie took it a little too far. She told us that her cousins (who, she claimed, lived in our town) had been raped and murdered.
We were around 9 so none of us were actually sure what "raped" meant. We asked Katie and she said it meant that someone sliced all their skin off with a knife. We were pretty sure that wasn't right, but we were even more sure that this whole story was bullshit.
First, I asked my parents if Katie had any relatives in our town. Turns out she didn't. That gave my other friend the courage to approach Katie's dad at a soccer game. "I'm so sorry to hear Katie's cousins were raped and murdered!" The dad, of course, just looked shocked and told her that didn't happen.
Pretty sure Katie got in big trouble for that one.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:52:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Worked with a guy named Brian
He was a 5'8" 140# asian kid that pitched for university of Louisville. A no-hitter at nationals but had never heard of the CWS. Also was a black belt. And his girlfriend died in a car accident on the night he proposed. Oh, she was pregnant too. His mom was a OB and his was a lawyer....he couldn't decide what he wanted to do...law or medicine.
.so he dropped out of school and was waiting tables with me. Oh, he tore is rotator cuff, ending his baseball career
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:54:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sat beside a guy in high school that every Monday would tell me he was tired because he had been in LA playing drums for bands in various night clubs and hanging with Nikki Sixx and Slash. He was in 10th grade and lived in nowhere Virginia.
"I have a heart condition, and my doctor told me to smoke cigarettes to prevent heart attacks."
An old high school friend who was down on her luck financially, so I let her live with me for a few weeks and even bought her cigarettes when she was having a really bad withdrawal.
My favorite "confession" she told me went like this:
"People ask me questions, and I just lie every time. And it's great, because everyone believes me!"
I blinked really hard at her for a while. Then I realized she was serious. See, she had been caught in a bunch of lies before, and no one really believed her when she told "stories;" she had a pretty bad reputation because of it. So she just lied to me... about how everyone believes her lies. Meta.
Fuck! I always get to these threads late. Here's from a similar thread a while back:
Oh, I win this.
I dated a girl in high school who was a pathological liar. We'll call her Loretta. She was 15 (I think) when we met, me being 16. She had a sister who I was friends with, who was my age. She was aware of my girlfriend's issues, but didn't quite know how bad it was.
Loretta used to attend a church camp a couple of years before we met (lie) where she made some great friends, we'll call them Mavis and Ofelia (lie/lie). They would always ask her to hang out, then conveniently not EVER be able to meet me in the year we dated. I'd ask constantly. Once, she called me and said "Mavis and Ofelia are here right now! They want to meet you, come over!" So, I drove the 15 minutes to her house (a convenient amount of time for 2 imaginary people to leave before I got there) and shockingly, they had left already. I texted her sister to ask if these people were really there, and she said "Not unless they've been hiding under the bed all day. Nobody has come into the house." She made up screen names (this was in the time of AOL/AIM), phone numbers, fake pictures, hand written letters, you name it.
Loretta claimed to be in a Girls Gone Wild video a few summers before we dated. They somehow never caught on to the fact that she would've been 13/14 at the time.
Loretta claimed her family owned a large villa in Italy. They didn't. Her family is VERY Irish. None of them had ever even been to Italy.
Loretta dated multiple guys in my friends group. She claimed to be pregnant with 4 of our children at once. After I broke up with her, she told all my friends I tried to push her down the stairs to get rid of the babies. They believed her and started to hate me. She also claimed a few of us raped her. She then tried to commit suicide and spent a week in the hospital and years in therapy.
Loretta claimed to have mitral valve prolapse. According to her, this would cause her to have episodes where she would stop breathing for a minute or so at a time (this I experienced several times first hand, however, these symptoms and disorder were entirely fabricated).
Loretta told my friends she swallowed a bottle of pills to try to kill herself. They rushed to her house to find her perfectly fine.
Loretta, a while after we had broken up, made out with my at-the-time girlfriend at a party in front of me. She then tried to cut her wrists at said party, then asked my A-T-T girlfriend for a ride home. She obliged. There were bloodstains on her back seats for months. Not a lie, but hammers home just how not well this girl was.
This is all I remember off the top of my head, it's been 10+ years since I've seen or spoken to this girl. I believe she owns her own massage therapy business these days, but I'm not quite sure if she still lies like she used to or ever got the help she needed.
About a year and a half ago, a girl in my class absolutely insisted she had seen Finding Dory, even though the film hadn't actually been finished yet, let alone available to watch! Apparently she had a 'friend' in America who could get a 'before release' version of it. When we all questioned her, explaining it hadn't been finished yet, she just got more and more insistent that she had it at home on a dvd...
She also claimed to have known the writer of Life of Pi and had helped write the book...
My friend came back from vacation with a sunburnt face, Considering were like 12 years old thats not cool enough. So he told me someone threw a flaming rag on his face in a gang retaliation.
Now you may not know this, but a lot of anorexics become pathological liars. And they're good at it. They use it to hide that they aren't eating.
So yeah, long story short is that the ridiculous, obviously fake lie he told me was that he had actually put on weight since I last saw him. He looked like death.
A couple of months back my sister brought her new boyfriend to a family gathering to introduce him to everyone. From the get-go I hated him. He spent an uncomfortable amount of time derailing conversations so he could talk about himself, and he looked a lot like a cartoon devil straight out of disney, just minus the horns. At one point he started showing everyone this photo of a Jeep Rubicon that he claims he used to own, fixed up, and sold for $60,000. The photo was of the Jeep in a fancy looking mansion, and while I tried to be nice and just responded with the usual ooo's and aaah's, I knew deep down the story was completely made up. I googled images of Jeep Rubicons later that night and wouldn't you know it, his jeep was in the top row of pictures. This kid had literally just Googled Jeep Rubicon, downloaded a picture, and tried to convince his girlfriend's family that it was his. I sent the picture to my sister and explained how I found it and he got mad at ME for not "telling him in person that I knew he was lying".
I used to work with a women, who for sake of her privacy, I will call "Jean". Jean was a pathological liar- the worst I have ever seen in my entire life. Jean would make up stories, but believe them at the same time. Her stories included, but were not limited to: Being the first person certified to do tin roofing in New York City, being the former owner of a nearby mall, being an Olympic level fencer, owning a group of Geisha girls (She's white), Spending months on glacier climbing trips in Alaska. My favorite, though, is when she accidentally repeated a story she heard as her own- to the person who told it. My boss originally told the story, it being "When I was younger, my mother and I went down to Pet-co to buy dog food. While we were there, she left me at the front, and warned me "Don't touch the birds, the dogs, the cats, the fish..." and listed off a bunch of animals. Monkey's weren't one of them. So I went up to one of the cages, and tried to touch the monkey- keep in mind I was around ten at the time- and it of course bit me. I didn't say anything about it to my mother, even when it started to hurt. I couldn't sleep that night, it was throbbing, I was crying... In the morning, my mother brought me to the doctor, and they had to kill the monkey to make sure it didn't have any diseases to transfer to me." This story went forgotten for nearly two years, until Jean and Boss were working alone with each other.
"So, Boss, did you hear the story about the monkeys? Well, When I was younger, my mother and I went down to Pet-co...."
She was eventually fired because of toxic attitude; she got extremely defensive if anyone, boss included, told her to do her job differently then how it was being done, and was infamous for disobeying orders in order to do things how she wanted to. Honestly, I was amazed she lasted over 10 years at the company.
A friend's girlfriend is terrible at this. She's always saying crazy things or inserting herself into events that she definitely wasn't a part of. The best was when she told my friend she remembers when he lost his virginity. He would've been about 11 and the girl would've been 5/6. It was magic
Kid I know said he got his dick caught in a compound bow on Christmas. He said he was sitting on the stairs after getting a compound bow, and pulled it back just to try it out. He was in just boxers and his dick popped through the whole in the front, and got caught in the wheel of the bow, and his mom had to help him. I actually had the nerve to ask his mom, and she said it never happened. I asked his brother and she said it never happened and his dad says the same thing. He claims they must have forgotten and stands by his story to this day.
-cut off burglars arm by shutting the sliding door really quickly. Burglar ran off, kept arm. I asked to see and he said he loaned it to his stepdad
-banged two chicks in shady bar bathroom. I contested. He said he had pictures. I asked to see them and he said that he destroyed them so his girlfriend wouldn't find out
-got wasted, blacked out, woke up in a field with a human ear in his pocket. I asked if he had seen blue velvet and he said that David lynch was best friends with his parents. This was in 2005
-performed an untrained exorcism on his sister. I asked his sister in front of him and she didn't remember. He said that she couldn't remember because of the trauma
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:59:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This lady who is a friend of a friend... she writes 50 shades of grey type books, that's how she makes her money. But she's also a 350 lb ex marine sniper with over 100 confirmed kills.
Are there even any women snipers in the American forces? I can't find anything in the Google.
My uncle was briefly in the Marine Corps - long enough to enlist, get the nice Marine headshot, that kind of thing. But not long enough to make it out of NY to Parris Island. He got drunk one day and was riding in the back of a pickup truck, bounced out and hit his head and got discharged.
But that's not the story he tells. No, he was a 'scout sniper' in the Marines. He trained with Randy Shughart (one of the two Delta Force snipers involved in the "Black Hawk Down" incident in Somalia in the 90s.) He has like 27 confirmed kills.
I'm from a tiny town in upstate NY, and nobody believes his bullshit, but it's been decades and the story just gets more and more unbelievable every year...purple hearts, silver stars, yada yada. I'm sure by next year he'll be taking credit for the siege on Winterfell. Thankfully, he doesn't try to use it for any kind of actual benefit other than to 'impress' the locals, but it's still obnoxious.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:59:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy in my high school was a notorious liar. First week of high school he actually claimed he witnessed Tupac getting shot... But nevermind that. This guy used to work in a 7 Eleven store and he told that one night this really hot woman came in the store. Apparantly the woman offered my classmate a 100 buck to take of his shirt. Yeah right, guy was not a looker exactly so definitely a fake and obvious story he just made up.
My friend has dated a girl for over a year. He convinced her he was 37 (he is really in his mid-40s). She even held his 38th birthday party last year, and all his friends just sat there kind of staring at the floor.... It's a weird situation.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 14:02:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My old (notorious) school friend told me that an American man drank so many artificial energy drinks his ejaculate turned blue from the colourings
A guy told me that his friends dad googled a random Island in the Pacific and bought it to become king. He then said that this man had diplomatic immunity in our country and could commit any crime without being arrested.
I asked him if that meant he could gun down a room full of 20 people and he said, "yea, but he wouldn't"
He also told me his little brother gains 20lbs after every meal
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 14:05:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
She was interested in me. Not only was the girl a known compulsive liar and quite unattractive to begin with....she was only 13 years old. I was 18. I wasn't going to touch that even if she was attractive and not batshit crazy.
A mutual friend of ours (who at this point believed her and wanted me strung up by my own balls) accompanied her to the police station. I was told later that the police dismissed her complaint for not being legit once she tried to tell them that the encounter only happened once. But it happened at her house....no wait, it was at my house....no, it was behind the mall....or was it in the park across the street from the police station. And it was six months ago....but she's only 4 months pregnant.
And of course, she had no answer for why the pregnancy test came back negative.
The police dismissed her complaint because she couldn't keep her story straight, but that didn't stop her from telling everybody she was 4 months pregnant with my kid for the better part of a year.
I consider myself very fortunate....the situation could have gone south for me very, very quickly if she had managed to keep even some of her story straight. I also consider myself lucky that she actually wasn't pregnant with someone else's kid; there was no DNA testing at the time and it would have been much easier for her to have pinned the kid on me.
I'm just glad that she had to have been the worst liar on the planet.
He told me his Dad was the body guard of the strongest man in the world, he also told me the strongest man in the world pulled planes at airports for a living.
He told me his Dad was in the war and he saw a girl washing a car, this was in the middle of a massive war with people shooting across the street and apparently there was just a girl washing a car.
I've known two. The first, you could just tell, the second was really good at it until you confirmed it with her family.
There's this guy D who is a student at our martial arts school who is a compulsive liar. Lies about the people he knows (especially in context of how he can get us discounts for whatever but can't pull up the information when asked), about how many martial arts he's a master in (he's physically obese with diabetes and half the time only watches class rather than take it), has apparently 8 PhD's, is a medical doctor and wears blue nurse scrubs all the time. Don't know if he's really a veteran but he wears the hat all the time that says he is. I literally can't stand talking to him but it's a customer--he's rude to me if my husband, who runs the school, is not around UNLESS he wants me to tell my husband something. It drives me nuts but customer service.
An ex member of our martial arts school, for obvious reasons. This woman was in her 40's at the time. Told everyone she was sexually assaulted so her cervix was messed up and she can't have kids. After she got pregnant from cheating on her SO with a guy--who thought she and her SO had broken up because that was what she said--it was revealed by her mother that this woman has a deviated cervix or something because of a medication her mother took while pregnant with her that causes cervical deformities in female offspring.
Said she had Crohn's and was on methotextrate, which is like chemotherapy and it's fatal to embryos so she also can't have kids because of that. Then when she got pregnant she said how miraculous it was that she stopped taking it a month before she got pregnant. So then her mother comes around and we asked how she was managing her Crohn's (since it's a pretty horrible disease) and her mom was confused--she had mild IBS. Made sense--she ate what she wanted and drank alcohol like no tomorrow. If she had Crohn's, that wouldn't have agreed with her.
Anyway, certifiably coocoo. She also said her dad was sexually abused. She sort of implied he was the one who sexually assaulted her but she still brings her kid around him (if it was me, I'd never see him ever again much less bring my kid around him.)
She pretty much hated all women who were soft and feminine and would talk crap behind their backs, so she was not popular with our female members. But for some reason she always made herself a victim with the male members who were very sympathetic to her until all of her inconsistencies came out and then they were like, this chick is nuts.
I knew a girl way back in primary school who was constantly lying about things. We were very young and the lies were mostly harmless.
She tried to make me believe her dad was going to build a clubhouse for her on the playground and that the hoses that came out of the ground were going to be the plumbing for the toilet the clubhouse would have. In reality those hoses were for getting air into the ground to stimulate the vegetation growth.
She told me she was going to have a picnic at the picnic table in the playground and that there was gonna be cake. The cake as well as the picnic was a lie, I was disappointed.
She once said she could see me and my family shower with binoculars from her home even though their home had no line of sight on our home. Obvious lie, but still, creepy af.
The weird part about her lies was that she would never ever admit that she had lied even when confronted with facts directly to her face. I was in her room once, told her that it was physically impossible to see our home let alone our shower and she still held on. Was at the picnic table with no picnic or cake and she kept saying it was going to be delivered. It never arrived. I've never spoken to her again and I wonder if this has become a character trait of hers or that it was just a 8-12yo phase.
Brother claims he's got people scouting him to play for the Yankees, dad claims this is also true. Both are bullshitting. My brother is an amazing pitcher, but he's also a liar. My father is too - he used to tell me when I was little that he formerly played for our local CFL team.
I was house sharing with someone at University for about 2 and a half years. He lied a lot, and quite obviously at that. He once told us (me and our other house-mates) that he failed his practical driving test because he hit a deer (he hadn't even done his theory at this point).
The most ridiculous lie he pulled was that he claimed to have "blown his mates leg off with a landmine" when he was in the cadets. He also claimed to have blown up this person's shed at their request because "it was filled with porn and he didn't want his parents to find out".
My ex boyfriend lied to me about attending the same school i was going to. I was enrolled at CSUF. He was at SAC and told me he transferred to CSUF and would be going part time for an online class. Oddly, he bought a book to continue the lie. I found out during finals, because he didn't have a final. We broke up. He blamed it on me, saying i 'pressured' him into higher education.
-that he was an army ranger ("his" dog tags didn't have his name on them; nor did his beret fit his head any more...dude was stick skinny and it was still too small)
-as a ranger he was a sniper God
-as a sniper God he was found out on some mission in Iraq...that turned into a Bourne-esque chase scene over roof tops...that ended with him finding a crate of katanas...that he murdered the shit out of his pursuers with
-was stabbed all the way through the forearm with a dagger, while rangering, killed the guy and miraculously had no hint of a scar
-he was a black belt in kung fu. He trained at a temple in shao-lin...and had learned to walk through walls as a result
-whenever we would call him out on his shit for not paying rent/utilities (he wasn't in school, and somehow had a hard time coming up with $250 in rent), he would remind us that because he was honorably discharged from the army that he got "one get out of jail free card" if he murdered someone
A classmate claimed his father designed the PT Cruiser when it first came out. I didn't believe him for a second because his family was poor as shit. And because even his father didn't have that bad of taste.
Guy from high school claimed to be drafted by the Navy SEALs during our senior year. Came up to Sonic we chilled at with this huge knife and said they issued it to him as him main weapon. People were like "what the fuck....?" Then our buddy, who is a manager at the local Dick's, came when his shift ended and said he had just sold that to him.
This guy also claimed he was making $150,000 in Hawaii training SEALs and owned a restaurant in San Diego that none of us were allowed to come to because we weren't badass enough.
After the Haiti earthquake happened in 2010 our running joke was that it was actually the United States testing a super human Halo suit and it was the guy landing on the ground. But now the running joke is just mentioning his name.
I knew this kid in middle school, stopped talking to him in a while, and stayed up conversations a few times in high school.
First off, this guy would always tell me how rich he was. This isn't so bad, but he and I both lives in the ghetto part of our city, so we knew that was a little suspicious. He then told me that in middle school he worked for Google by helping them post ads. He then told me that he had a brazzers subscription, keep in mind this is middle school, and had eight monitors to watch his porn on. Now, all of those are highly improbable, but the icing on the cake is this. He told me that he had this medical condition that made him in insufferable pain in which he had to get plenty of injections every weekend. He said that the doctors told him that his condition is super rare and has a 1 in TEN BILLION chance of happening.
Guy told me he lost his wedding ring fishing in the ocean. Went fishing again 2 weeks later and brought his catch home. Then, while his wife gutting the fish, she found the wedding ring inside.
Told me all these stories about how his dad was a secret operative working on covert global missions.
If you want to know what kind of stories he told, go play the whole Metal Gear series. I played it about a year after meeting this guy and realized where he was getting it all from.
The idiot is in jail now for counterfeiting and fraud because he kept screwing people out of money, selling fake shit, and simply taking money from people and disappearing.
A neighbor I used to have claimed that a girl she used to live with was drinking away her half of the rent (about $500).
Then it's discovered that for about 8 months straight, she wasn't paying her entire rent at her current apartment (about $950). She claims her boyfriend is stealing the money order and drinking the money away.
That sure is an awful thing to consistently happen to her..
He said he was an army sniper. His vision was terrible, idk what prescription his glasses were but he wore some thick ones. He lied about other shit, but I paid it no mind. He didn't talk shit about me behind my back so I wasn't worried. When he tried hitting on my gf, that's when I stopped talking to him.
I did a lot of driving with a compulsive liar while training for a job. To preface this, he looks a lot like the pro wrestler The Big Boss Man. He said at a live event he attended near the front row. They were holding a "Rumble" match, a 30 competitor pro wrestling match where 2 men start in the ring and every 2 minutes another one joins the match with the goal of eliminating every other wrestler until the last one is standing. He told me the Big Boss Man's music hit, and the real life performer missed his cue so the agents/bookers in the back see him in the crowd and run out to give him shit for fooling around in the crowd and missing his match. That would be the tallest tale I have heard him tell.
My friend told me this one in High School. His dad is a cop.
"So back in the 70's when weed was legal, my dad used to go around confiscating it and then they would just smoke it in the cruisers and back at the station and take some home because it wasn't illegal yet".
Our obvious question was: Why the fuck were the cops confiscating weed if it was legal?
I'm sure I've met a lot of compulsive liars but one stands out:
She was a morbidly obese girl in high school who claimed she was working for the government and was a hacker. Apparently she detonated a bomb in our town through the computer in her trailer that was set up by Osama Bin Laden. She also said she was on some sort of assignment where she had to use the school computers to not be backtracked, all she did was print out an IMDB page for an actor from "The Longest Yard" movie and said she got all his information. Also, she claimed to be dating a guy in the military but that it was long distance. She went as far as to print out pictures of some random guy and buy herself an assortment of knock off/cheap rings because he "proposed to her." Oh, and she had a relative that worked for Wal-Mart that said the company would donate money to a club if they elected her as an officer.
The chick was pretty creepy, but I think that was all because she had some issues at home and an overall lonely person. She had other lies too, like saying certain people were her friends, and that she met famous people when in reality none of it added up.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 14:15:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My middle school classmate told me she is a singer in a band and that their firs album will be soon sold in the most popular music shop in our country. She told me it would be out next Monday, which was absurd, because all I needed to do to proove her wrong was to wait.
Anyways, please remember, that compulsive liars have a big problem and they need HELP. This girl ended up on a psych ward for a month and it took way to long to get her help, because everybody were just shrugging it off.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 14:15:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In 5th grade my classmate started telling everyone how the night before, his dad had beaten him senseless using tools such as knives and brass knuckles and tied him to the railroad tracks and left him there for the night.
I was in a shitty regge/ska band a long time ago. We named ourselves after a major road that acted as the boarder to our town.
Our one friend told us he climbed on his van and stole the street sign. So our singer/guitarist asked him for it. He was being super pushy about it, acting like the lying police or something. It got to the point where our lying friend just never came around anymore. Sure, we rolled our eyes around a lot, but the dude was alright.
I had a roommate in college who lied about everything, I have a ton of stories about it. But the most outrageous one...
He was feeling a bit under the weather so he went to the hospital, turns out one of his lungs was half collapsed! Of course doctors didn't hold him overnight or anything they were just going to schedule surgery at a later date. After he was released from the hospital he went to a rodeo in town and proceeded to win their circle of death competition ( everyone stands in a circle with a bull and last person to run out the circle wins). The surgery was never scheduled and he apparently was fine.
One guy at my school tried to impress us so hard that he said he was gonna bring weed to school. The day after he brought some dry leaves that looked nothing like weed. I even smelled it and it smelled like you use it in cooking. Anyway, we didn't expose him for the shit he did but he always tries to impress people with bs
I am a compulsive liar and I once convinced my friends that Russian's were kidnapping and killing gingers (note: i am a ginger) and using our hair to make special and expensive rugs
There's a guy at work who tells stories like this all the time. Some of the better ones are:
His friend has a pet alligator that he takes for walks on a leash and plays like a dog.
He has a baseball card at home worth over $100k, but he doesn't remember who is on the card and won't do anything to prove it's existence.
He also always seems to be related to someone relevant to any story you are telling. You tell a story about getting pulled over, he knows a cop from there. You eat out at a restaurant, his dad is friends with the owner. It's like this for literally everything.
He's also the guy at work who runs to management to snitch about every little thing that people do, so nobody at work can stand this guy.
My friend, M and I, often played video games at her house or mine. Our parents would get us Pizza Hut pizza, which went really well with Mario party.
Anyway, we made this friend K, and he would often wander people's houses (this made my mom nervous) and frequently lied. One day M's mom laid out a 20 on the counter while we were there for us to get pizza, and she left. The 20 disappeared. M obviously didn't take it and I know I didn't. The 20 was nowhere to be found. We tried to convince K to just admit it was him but he didn't.
We didn't get free pizza after that. To this day I think about it and get annoyed, and it was 10 years ago. I'm still friends with K and he's much more well-rounded and a funny guy, and I have a solid friendship with him. But when he was a teen, his parents were divorced and his mom didn't have a lot of money. Can't blame the kid, I guess.
When I was about 15 there was a girl in my class at school named A, she had this scar through her eyebrow and she told everyone she was surfing and the board flicked up and cut her.
She had 3 photos on her school diary, 2 girls and 1 boy all the same age in the photos. She tried to convince everyone that it was her and her triplet brother and sister. I thought the two girls looked way to alike.
A and her sister were heaps far apart in age so she had a niece who was the same age as us. The next year her niece came to our school as well. She informed us that A had never surfed before and that the scar was from her brother throwing a block of cheese at her and that the triplets on the front of the book were two photos of A and one of A's nephews.
An ex coworker of mine, K. K was a nice girl but it quickly became apparent that every word out of her mouth was a total lie. This included lying about being married, building and then moving into a house she owned, studying veterinary science, etc.
K was obese. For MONTHS she lied about going to get some sort of lap band-esque surgery in May. She took time off work, talked about booking flights (she was getting it done in another city) and for two weeks leading up to the appointment she claimed to be eating only liquids. On multiple occasions during this time she was caught out eating, but we didn't bother to confront her about it. She told us that it was a keyhole surgery and there would be no scarring or downtime. The day after the surgery we called to ask how it went. Well, she said.
When it came time for K to come back to work she told us she was in too much pain. As the acting supervisor I texted her to let us know how much longer she could foresee needing off, urging her to be realistic as we'd need to find a replacement for those days. I got back some bitchy response about 'not being able to stand let alone walk' and 'thanks for your concern'.
Then we received a one line email stating her intention to resign as of the week prior.
We found out through her best friend that there was, indeed, no surgery. Instead, K commenced work at another salon during her time off.
This 18 year old kid developed Parkinson's within like a month time and "needs" a cane at church service. But I see him walking around like nothing happened at the grocery store the next day.
Heard about this one guy from my work colleague. Guy wasn't all there apparently.
Anyways. He 'owned' a helicopter. Which everyone in the factory knew about.
So, one day he comes to work and mentions how last night, he had flown to Switzerland in his helicopter from the UK and bought everyone in the factory a Tolberone and then started handing out Tolberones.
This guy I used to know, Paul. Paul told me he slept with over 60 girls by the time he was 22. Paul is very obese, so I found that to be unlikely. Paul also told me once he graduated college, he made prosthetic limbs making over $90,000 annually.
Turns out, Paul was a virgin and Paul worked in a nursing home transporting patients.
A guy I lived with in first year at uni told us, amongst other things, that he was "the third best boxer in London" and was the "best player in Fulham's academy" til he broke his leg. His best one though was a story about how his friend shot a police car with a shotgun once and all the officer did was get out ask him whether he had a license for his gun...
Before I met this guy, I had never met or at least recognized a compulsive liar before. Nor have I ever had such an extreme displeasure (to the extent that I hate him) of meeting someone.
This guy, this kid I should say went to LSU and was in the ROTC program. He had received the national scholarship from the army (most likely because of his father who was a captain in the army), Which happened to be the grandfathered scholarship in 2010. This means he got full room and board, on top of school and books being completely paid for. So some of his stories:
he went to amsterdam and bought a pound of weed, which he finished in less than a week, and met two beutiful women and had an all night pleasure excursion. This kid can't pick up a girl to save his life
he had sex with some beauty pageant queen, some competition that was important for beauty, can remember the specific bs
he skipped PT one morning due to a "severe injury to his hand" when the staff sergeant had him show up right after to inspect the injury, the kid shows up with his hand wrapped with enough bandage to look like a cast. He then gets told to take off the bandage and the injury was like a cat scratch.
*he like to tell stories on facebook to this day. for example(with paraphrasing): "there's nothing like low crawling through the snow for an hour and then camping in the freezing rain and snow for that perfect shot, with my ghillie suit..." this can go on for a few paragraphs to pages.
The story that made me fed up with him and just lose all hope was told one early morning on the LSU parade ground... everyone was standing in formation and 2 seniors were arguing who would win in a fight some body builder or bruce lee(everybody said bruce lee, except for the muscle head senior who brought up the bodybuilder), and somehow Rambo comes up. The Silvester Stalone RAMBO! and this is when the kid opens his mouth and says, "you know that movie Rambo is based off of my uncle"... take a minute to let that sink in...then he follows it with, " I even have the knife to prove it". now I may not be the biggest fan of Rambo, but I really enjoyed the original trilogy and did watch a little bit of the making of first blood that followed one of the VHS versions, So I could recall a few tidbits, for example where the name Rambo came from. So I proceeded to call this kid out on this lie, because I just couldn't stand to see the awesome fictional movie Rambo be tarnished by this trash. And it went as you would expect with a compulsive liar, still insisting on his lies and making more, bigger, newer lies, each less believable than the last.
I gave this guy chances to get better for over a year, everybody in the same class year as him did. And you know normally people have some redeeming qualities to themselves that can help us forgive their inadequacies.
So maybe he could have been a strong and tough dude...nope, struggled to pass every PT test, even the end of semester ones when we've been training 5 days a week for 3 months. Bear in mind that this guy wasn't super fat, so it's not like his weight was slowing him down or failing that part. He struggled on the three events of running, pushups, and sit-ups. So barring being significantly obese, with 3 months of training this kid had no excuse to fail.
So maybe this kid isn't strong and doesn't have the best character, but maybe he's book smart and does well in school...we heard he had 1.7 GPA his first semester, and other than ROTC he has no extra curricular activities, no fraternities or anything to keep him too busy or incapacitated to get good grades.
needless to say after the Rambo story, I gave up on this kid. I could not think of a way to salvage him when he did nothing to fix himself. he has a neckbeard now, lost his full scholarship that he didn't deserve, either lives with his parents or in a house his parents pay for. Has not graduated as far as I know. I just can't stand him. Some of my friends stay FB friends with him just to hear and share the hilarious BS that comes out of his mouth.
I graduated with a guy who enlisted in the Air Force after high school and was in the IT field. He said when he was deployed, he had Bin Laden in his sights but was ordered not to shoot.
I mean seriously...he was Air Force IT/Comms. I doubt the most wanted terrorist (at the time) was hanging out in his server room.
We always knew him to be a liar/one-upper, but the Bin Laden story was probably the most outrageous.
I hope I'm not too late because this thread was meant for me.
Kevin is a 23 year old guy in my unit and I don't think he's ever told any of us a single truth about his personal life. Kevin claims to have inherited 24 million dollars from a decreased uncle in Dubai and lives a lavish lifestyle. But does not have a single picture to prove any of this (not even a picture of an expensive meal, moderately expensive item, etc).
He will constantly talk about how his uncle is a retired admiral general (2nd highest rank in the army) and is now the chief of defense. He tells us how his sister drives a Ferrari and lives in a 8 bed room house but his frugal parents live in housing subsidized by the government.
He also had a relatively low GPA and only finished A levels at the age of 22 yet claims that he was accepted in to Harvard (or Oxford, I forget).
There are a lot of other lies but honestly we've all stopped keeping track of it, I'm not sure why he does it but at this point we just kind of let him be and occasionally tease him about it hinting we know it's a lie.
I have a friend who claims he has horses in Spain, a five star restaurant in Chicago but couldn't afford a five dollar buffet pass at cicis pizza. The best lie he said once was he knew how to hack the school computer system and could do irreversible damage to the network. The school would pay him not to hack the network. I can't make that shit up lol
Back when I was in first grade I had a crush on this girl in my class so I thought it was a good idea to try and convince her I had a real life pokemon at home.
She actually believed me for a long time.
She told me that an ex poured acid on her face when she tried to break up with him. Her skin was immaculate save for a rogue pimple or two, but who didn't get those in high school? I guess everyone knew she was a compulsive liar except me and I was a naïve 14-year-old. I asked her why she didn't have any scars and she said that she had "extensive plastic surgery" and that if I "look close you can see it." So I leaned in real close, even squinted my eyes, searching for her phantom acid scars.
"Nope. I don't see 'em."
Her friends laughed at her a lot and she looked really embarrassed. She had a lot of issues and lied all the time, it just took this extreme one to make me realize that she was a liar. But maybe that's why an 18 year old was hanging out with me, because I was easy to convince.
When she was 12, a friend of mine claimed she had a record deal with one of those big record labels (RCA maybe? Idk, something w/ a lot of radio artists on it) and brought in a burned copy of a Carrie Underwood CD with some of her non-radio songs on it as her "demo". She even claimed her crush at the time (a boy who was obviously in love with her even though they never talked at school...a boy that I actually initially had a crush on but she got so obsessed with him that eventually just seeing his face annoyed me...and we weren't even close!!)...anyway, her crush at the time was in jazz band at school (MIDDLE SCHOOL), and apparently he'd been signed too because she saw him there before. It was their secret.
She freaked out when I casually mentioned that my mom "really liked that new Carrie Underwood CD!" (I was and am still the most pathetic conflict-avoidant potato), so she told me that she actually WROTE those demo songs for Carrie and that's why they're on her CD. If I noticed anything was familiar, of course.
I think about her from time to time and sometimes I really do hope she's okay.
That he was banging a different girl every week at college, and had therefore boinked 52 girls as a freshman. We pointed out that college doesn't go year round, so in order to reach that number he'd have to average more than one per week. He insisted 52 was the correct number because of all the threesomes, and what he had meant was he got laid every week.
This guy also claimed that he lost his virginity at age 12 to a milf when on a family vacation to cancun.
He took an engine from a Mazda RX-7 and put it into a Honda Prelude so that he could win street races against Porsches. This was during the Fast and Furious craze.
My brother and he were at a party and my brother went to use the bathroom. apparently there were a bunch of guys just hangin out in there, since it was a college bathroom so there were stalls and stuff. smokin, chillin, whatever. my bro shoots the shit with them for a second, then one of them closes the door and they all turn to him and say something along the lines of, "alright give us everything you got. phone, wallet, lets go." my brother stands his ground and says something like, "fuck yourself. take it from me." they immediately back down and tell him it was a joke. they'd been doing it to everyone who walked in just to see how they would react. APPARENTLY, my brother was the only one to stand up to them.
later that same party, the same thing happens to steve when he uses the pisser. he tells my brother immediately after the fact that he just gave them his phone no question, with the idea that "i'll just get the police to track it later." alright, fair enough.
then over the next few days my brother witnessed steve tell that story over and over and the story ended up with steve putting his keys between his fingers and punching one of them.
he's got a million, but thats the one that sticks out right now.
you know, i thought about that as i was typing. steve is DEFINITELY the liar here, but my bro could've been stretching the truth. he doesn't usually though, and since he was just telling me at the time, i don't think he really had a reason to lie about it.
I waited tables at a Denny's in Arkansas and there was a guy who claimed to be a Yakuza assassin on the run. He was white, of course, and had about a dozen stories or reasons how he got to be an assassin for them. One of them was his parents were killed by a Chinese organ harvesting ring because they were both surgeons and refused to work for them. He hunted the killers down and tortured them for weeks before killing them. The Yakuza was so impressed, they had to hire him right?
About 5 months after I heard that story for the first time came mother's day and the deadly killer brought his mom and dad to eat at the restaurant. The next week a co worker called him out on the flaw in his story and he claimed they were clones given to him by some government as payment for work.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 14:26:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
We had a tech named dave come into our shop from circuit city. He didn't tell us that he was from circuit city though our supervisor that hired him told us that. He told us he used to be in blackops as a tech specialist. He claimed to have been with a pmc that would extradite people who were convicted of crimes that fled the country. Besides this one lie he couldn't let go he was a really cool guy, funny, with a good work ethic so we just tolerated it. One day though we went to this guys office for a ticket and there was all kinds of pictures of him with actual mercenaries and stuff. His office was full of pictures of him with various high profile politicians. Apparently he specialized in oil rigs and was some sort of conflict consultant. Dave just couldn't help it and kept talking about his pmc days until finally the guy just says "What PMC were you with I'm not familiar with one that does what your talking about". Then dave said " They won't acknowledge my existance if I talk about it". The guy just bursts out laughing. Dave was crushed by this and I didn't even bring it up he was so upset. It was kinda like telling steve the pirate he's not a pirate. I felt pretty bad for him honestly.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 14:26:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"Consoles have more exclusives. The human eye can only see 30 FPS. Consoles are better."
Back when I was four, I met this kid. We met in preschool or something, and we're actually still friends. Sorta.
He has always been seeking approval through lies. Like some of them were unbelievably stupid. Just a couple he's told me:
His dad melted down solid gold in their garage, proceeded to fill spray paint bottles with it, and painted their car solid gold.
He has not one, but two uncles who have both been struck by lightning several times. They're both still alive.
He has personal access to the Air Force's jets.
And god there were so many more. I have trouble recalling them, but looking back, they're hilarious.
I've told this story before but I love telling it.
In the far off year of 2001 I knew a kid in highschool that swore up and down that he makes fully animated movies. Not flash videos (which was still very new at the time) but taditional hand drawn animations.
It became very obvious very quickly that he was blowing smoke but I went along with it because it was amusing, at least at first. After a few months I was getting annoyed about him talking about these amazing projects he's working on but totally can't show me because all the film is at someone else's house.
One day we're sitting in class and he slides over a piece of paper with what I'd imagine he'd consider a "cool" drawing of a woman in a trench coat wielding a katana. He told me that this was the main character from his new movie and what he's showing me is a professional illustration despite the drawing was made with the skill level of an 11 year old.
I must have eaten an extra helping of snark for breakfast because without thinking I said "no it's not" as soon as he told me.
He looked at me with shock and hurt but soon his face turned into annoyance and he shot back "Well this illustration won me an Emmy!"
At this point, I'd like to talk to you about about something i call "Arcade Syndrome".
You know in those old arcade games where if you hit the high score you reset back to zero? Well Arcade Syndrome is just that. Your brain hears something so dumb your brain resets and you believe it for a short time.
For a few seconds I honestly believed that this kids shitty drawing won a god damn Emmy and I called into question everything he ever said to me.
Once my brain had finally sorted itself out I called him on his bullshit and he muttered back about how he technically didn't win an Emmy.
Had a friend take a girl home one night. She claimed she was the cousin of the girl who married the prince a few years back. The best one was that her dad was in ac/dc
I have a friend who, throughout high school since his first day, seems to have a father who does a multitude of jobs. Supposedly his father was the man who founded Apple but from behind the scenes while Steve Jobs was just the face of the company. Then his father happened to own all the gas stations in NYC(followed by a few weeks later him stating that he actually meant Manhattan only). Oh and his father also happened to own the houses around the school(but it was with partners so his name wouldn't appear). To this day, I still don't know what job his father does because he has a different answer every week(though whatever it is, it makes decent money. They're quite comfortably on the higher level of the middle class)
He was relatively smart but its like he couldn't socialize without lying, ever. We just nod our heads and ignore it since he's still fun to hang out with and the stories are amusing when everybody is high(I don't do drugs but odds are I'll get some degree of a contact high).
That he got into an accident with a car while riding his motocross. In his story he got flung 100meters into a forrest and landed without a scratch.
He ended up beeing addicted to some hard drugs eventually so his compulsive lying propably came in handy at some point. :/
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 14:34:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Late to the party here, but there was a guy at uni who said he was on a trip to the pyramids, when his bus got stopped by terrorists. He stood up, and took the AK 47s off the terrorists, before shooting them dead. Apart from the terrorists, and an old couple, the whole bus survived and he is seen as a hero in Egypt, which is why he doesn't go back as he doesn't like the attention...
I once had this friends who thanks god decided to hate because I never let him abuse his ex-GF again. He would always talk about how he somehow managed to fuck this gorgeous super model, had no photos and lost her number (who in their mind fucks a super model and takes no photos prior or doesn't even bother with saving her number?). We named him Britney Spears, because when he had a mental breakdown he shaved his head to get some attention back. He would tell us stories about how random people would ask him to model for them (He physically looked like Fido, the guy from 7up, so he was far from being attractive). Briteny was crazy, he once told a story about how he fainted for 7 whole hours, but his life was saved because a cleaning lady somehow heard he was unconscious and together with a beautiful medical student treated him by draining his bruises? The university we were at had no medical course. He had a bunch of really sad stories, but he was really dangerous and violent when things didn't get the way he wanted. He once went to his ex room and tried to get in with force saying that he loved her. We were inside the room and we hide to see how far he would push, but he got more and more agitated until we had to get out of our hiding, he then looked at us for some seconds and I don't know why (because we had heard the WHOLE conversation) decided to yell at his ex "STOP BEGGING ME! STOP SAYING YOU LOVE ME!" and then left. She thanked us for not letting her go back to him. He is really crazy and dangerous.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 14:35:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not really an answer to the question but a personal experience. I throw randomly absurd lies into conversation just to see people trip up for a second. Like "yadda yadda olypmic gold...." "oh, I won the olypmic gold back in '76" in a totally deadpan voice. It amused me. Idk.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 14:36:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He had "what you do in life echoes in eternity" tattooed on his forearm. He claimed it was an old family quote and that he had never heard of the movie gladiator.
This was just one of many lies
During her divorce, my MIL told me that they only had sex 5 times in their marriage. However, she has 2 daughters, and also used to talk about the 4 miscarriages she had. So... even if she tried to tell me that she gets pregnant every time.
A girl I knew in high school was known to be a compulsive liar. One week she turned up to school with invitations to a "going-away party". Going away to where, you ask? A mental institution. She claimed her parents beat her and we're sending her away. Yes she had the party, and got super drunk. She showed up to school the next week and said her parents "changed their minds".
I worked with a pathological liar once. He insisted that he had his own comedy special on HBO, and once said that he was actually a trained brain surgeon and just worked in a pizza place because he enjoyed it more. Those are just a couple of his gems, for real.
I had a friend in high school who was very entertaining, but he also lied all the time. Some of his lies were small like he told me he was color blind and that he couldn't see green or red. I honestly believed him until I was talking about someone and he commented on how red their shirt was.
Anyway I ran into him a couple of months ago and I asked him what he was doing now a days. He looked at me very seriously and said that he couldn't talk about work. I laughed thinking he was kidding but he was very serious. After a bit of coaxing he told me he was a gun for hire outside of the U.S and that he had to go by code names and always had to be on watch for enemies even in the states. We live in a small Texan town so I have no clue why he would still even be living there if he was traveling the world being a hired gun.
I know this guy named Nate and he was nothing short of a pathological liar. It's like this guy gets his rocks off on telling lies.
He tells all sorts of bullshit lies like how his dad is in guantanamo bay probably being waterboarded right now, lies like when he was 8 his mom strapped him to the roof of her SUV instead of the christmas tree because his mom is evil and loved the christmas tree more, just obvious bullshit you know isn't true but he tries to pass off anyway.
Well, one of the weirdest lies starts innocently enough. It was like a cascading lie, where it started with something plausible but ended with something so impossible, you'd think he didn't just not take his medicine, but took 6x the required dose and had a spiritual trip.
He was in my group of friends at the time, throughout late junior-high and early high school. My group of friends loves to play videogames so that's what we did in our free time mostly. We would get home immediately after school, fire up the xbox, and watch as 6-8 friends logged on as we built the best teams we could. And we were all good too. When we were plating together we never lost.
Now this day in particular Nate wasn't playing so well. He was usual known to be one of the best players we had. He may be a liar but he could drop nukes in Modern Warfare 2 like it was a UAV. He was also what we referred to as 'Our secret weapon', as this kid had mapped out quick scoping as a science and he had his Doctorate.
Now we were playing some public matches just dicking around and jordan wasn't doing good, so we were poking gun at him with all the usual banter, you know like "My Grandma can play better than you, and she doesn't have any arms!" or "I think I once saw a tree drop more confirmed kills than you just did last game". Stuff like that.
That's when it starts. He says the words I'll never forget "Oh sorry guys I was letting my cat play those last few matches." WHAT. Why would we ever believe your cat was playing xbox. We erupted and had to call him out. So next game he played his heart and soul out and easily outscored us all by 2x, and that was proof enough. Of Course we still didn't believe him so he had to tell us the story of how he got his cat. Oh boy.
He informs us that his cat is no ordinary cat, but he rescued his car from the plains of africa. But not in the way you expect, no no. He was a Kitty Soldier cat, like a fucking Kony Kid Warrior but with little kitties instead. He said he was on vacation in Africa (which is strange because I had never not seen him in the past 4 years) when he was on a safari tour and noticed something in a dried out bush. He asked the guide to stop the jeep and jumped out to check out what was in the bush.
A cat. A cat was in the bush. But this was ni ordinary cat, because this cat was found with an AK-47 next to its side, and a bloody bandana wrapped around it back left leg. Ok Nate how do you expect me to believe that cat could carry an AK let alone squeeze the trigger. "No its true" he informs us. He informs the guide and they take him to the nearest village, where they have a Cat Shaman who can heal the cat and translate anything it says. What.
After the Shaman had translated the cats story they found out that the kitten was kidnapped from its mother and forced to work for an evil tyrant, Kiato. The kitty had slaved under Kiato night and day, training and training to perform terrible attacks on modern civilization. But kitten had had enough. Kitten planned a rebellion to strike up against Kiato and overthrow his rule!
These are cats were talking about here folks don't lose track of how bullshit this is.
Kitten had managed to get 30 of the best child-cat soldiers to rebel against the other 603 and to assassinate Kiato once and for all. They fought for 14 days and 14 nights and lost many a cat, but they finally won. Kitten was the only known survivor. Nate took kitten back to the states where the President Of The United States had blessed Kitten with a secret award ceremony as to not draw attention to the rising cat armies across the ocean. That's why when you try to look it up you can't find anything, it's all classified.
Yup the cat is part of a classified document please do continue.
He realized he hadn't asked the shaman to catch the cats name, so he had to do as any other domestic house cat and pick a name for it. He picked Kratos. Yes Nate, you named your cat after the game God of War, but he promised he hadn't played it yet. He then explained how his cat has PTSD and how he often wakes up with Kratos on his chest with a knife in his mouth, but after a few belly rubs Kratos realizes who Nate is and backs away in shame.
Dude holy shit are you fucking kidding me how could we ever believe this! He says look at my gamertag. "Assassiin x 603" he said he got inspiration from Kratos and his band of brothers who had to assassinate 603 other cats to overthrow Kiato.
603 is our area code you dumb fuck.
"Just a coincidence."
He sends Kratos to a therapist after that a few times a week, but after 2 months he only seems to get worse. After the night terrors and not eating as much anymore he decides to go speak with Kratos' therapist. He calls up and complains to the therapist saying "I'm paying you three hundred and fifty dollars a session and there's still no progress! I'm coming into your office tomorrow afternoon and I want to see all of your files on Kratos to see exactly what your doing to help him!" the therapist explains how he cant because of patient doctor confidentiality, but Nate doesn't care, he's still coming in.
The following afternoon Nate barges into the therapist office, and that's when it hits him. It's not a therapist, but a 3 story tall sea monster from the Mesozoic era! Oh you could imagine the surprise on his face when that happened. Nate had studied sea monsters in 8th grade so he knew just how to handle this! He bargained with the sea monster like a deal with the devil and Kratos was instantly cured. The only thing Nate Had to sacrifice was never being able to tell the truth again.
And that's why I'M the worst liar I know, because I just made you read all that text for nothing. This following text is spacer so you cant read down to the end and see what happens.
Unfortunately I had never talked to Nate much after that. I had gotten some new friends who had more interests other than playing video games and lying. I could only Imagine how Nate's lies would have progressed after that one. Maybe his goldfish had been to the moon or something.
About a year after fizzling away I met my girlfriend and all contact with that group of friends was entirely ceased. My new friends always knew how to have fun and rarely included xbox. I'm glad i cut contact off with Nate, as he would have probably driven me mad.
And so is my story. A tale worthy of a novel. I congratulate all of those who had read that wall of text and discovered what it truly means to know pathological liars.
TL;DR - Sorry, the story is too good to have a TL;DR. If you have the time I recommend taking a few moments out of your day to read it.
I know a guy that claimed to be a cousin on Kurt Cobain amd that he and Kurt were classed as something called Human 1.X, which gave them an immunity to cyanide.
Also that his dad owned a Formula 1 car and he used to drive it around London.
All from the same guy:
- he had been a sniper in the U.S. Army for 30 years...was 17 years old.
- used said sniper training to defend his family's chicken coop from wolves.
- also claimed used dynamite to control the wolf infestation on his family's farm.
- said he ordered a Hummer online, it came in a box, and he assembled it inside his house. He paid $400K for it. (This was when Hummers were actually semi-popular "rugged" SUVs)
Dude was seriously scary. He had those psycho eyes...the black ones that never matched the emotions on his face. Pretty much every word out of his mouth was a lie, but these were some of the more memorable ones.
I'm not sure if that's compulsive lying, but when I was younger, I used to love making people believe false things. And I was good at it, which probably means I should be an actor.
My favourite in this series is when I convinced two strangers at a concert that I was a satanist.
I knew a compulsive liar who was a leader of the youth when I was a younger child. At first I believed him but then we later found out that nothing was true. He would tell us that he ran away from home when he was 16 and that an Navy SEAL adopted him and taught him everything from fighting etc. then he would tell us that he knew 18 languages, had like 3 masters degrees in engineering and architecture , and then that he owned a private plane... The most absurd one was that he hacked into the Satellite system went outside in his backyard and took a picture of himself looking up at the sky so when you googled his house that he would be there standing..... He also told us he was going to marry the Native American princess and showed us pictures until he actually introduced his wife to us and looked nothing like he showed us. Yes he was a big fat liar. And we were all young kids so don't blame us for actually believing haha
At the call center I worked with, this guy conned his way into management, and would have been upper management if he had interviewed earlier - this was a startup call center and they hired for all positions.
Anyway, he was the most incompetent of the five leads we had, by a very long shot. We supported tax software, and so everyone was going to be moved to a different project in April.
However, this gentleman left early, in March. On his last day, he told several people on the DL, including me, that he would be helping the FBI with a humongous sting operation, and that he couldn't go into the details now, but that it would be huge news in six months.
They said that they went to Wal-Mart on the boarder of El Paso and Mexico, bought a grenade, climbed on top of Wal-Mart, threw it off and killed 6 cartel members
This one is kinda sad but I think its still counts. When I did retail I used to work with this kid named Ben. He was a really good kid, but just kinda slow. Not retarted, but slow enough that he didn't catch things quickly and didn't know a lot about much, but the things he knew about he really knew. Ships, jets, airplanes and semi trucks he knew like the back of his hand.
When I left that job I would go in and see Ben in there and occasionally talk to him for a good 25 minutes. Roughly a year after I left I saw him in there again and started talking to him and he was telling me how he stopped a terrorist attack and President "Georgie" Bush gifted him a military transport aircraft just like one he saw in a movie and it was up at our local airport. He had a few other tales about this married woman he worked with that had the hots for him among others that he told me.
While he told me these stories he would have this intense look on his face that told me he actually believed what he was telling me. The best way I can describe it is when a dog looks at you from the side while its hyper with its eyes wide open.
Anyways, a while later I went back to do some shoping and Ben wasn't there. I asked another former co worker if he was off and I was told that they found him in a neighborhood 15 miles away from his house (He didnt drive) wandering around aimlessly. When they asked him what he was doing he said he was looking for a house to buy for him and the married co worker he had the hots for.
He was immediately let go from his job and put on medical leave. Turns out he had some sort of mental disorder that could've been voilent but they caught it before he could hurt anyone. He was a pathological liar, but he couldn't help it.
That his mum stabbed him, and where she stabbed him he grew cancer. Dude was fucking weird
TheKoi · 1 points · Posted at 14:46:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
in 5th grade a guy lied all the time, the one i remember the most is that his brother met a ninja in an alley who trained him and that they would make giant shuriken out of trash can lids.
One guy trying to convince some people he was an anime nerd, said he watched Trigun back to back 10 times in a week. I would have believed him if half his day wasnt spent at high school.
Never understood why he did that.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 14:47:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
One dude in highschool said he had a photographic memory, I showed him a piece of paper with a bunch of writing on it and quickly took it away to see if he could recall it. He then said, and I shit you not, "No I have photographic memory, I can only memorize pictures." I just looked at him blankly and turned away. Way too stupid for me to handle.
"Gomer" was named for the Gomer Pyle, as they were both country, twangy boys with penchant for getting into messes.
He was young and new to our group of friends. He would casually interject when speaking of a band that he knew the members of that internationally famous band you were speaking about, he knew that film star's family and yes, his uncle/cousin was one of the founding employees of google/yahoo/facebook/myspace/etc.
We all knew he was lying, humored him "You know Matt Damon? What's he like?" and we get a one sentene answer and move the conversation along.
He didn't have reliable transportation and often needed a ride to and from anything we were doing. He enters a friend's house one evening and announces he won't be needing rides from this day on as he (a part time Subway sandwiches employee) has purchased a new Ford F-150 with all the options. A few eyebrows were raised, no one really bought it but the evening went on.
A few days later I'm riding around with one of our crew and he whips out his cell phone and calls Gomer. Asks him whats up, if he's working today, does he want to get together later, how is his truck, etc. He says he's great, loves the truck and he's just chilling with it at home. My buddy says "Great, we're about two blocks away, I want to swing by and see that truck! Let's celebrate, you drive, I'll buy lunch." A moment later we're at Gomer's house, no truck to be seen.
He walks out of the door of his house, strangely quiet and we ask about the truck. "I sold it. About five minutes ago. Too much upkeep."
We mention we were on the phone with him less than five minutes ago and he didn't mention it and he shrugs and asks if we're still buying him lunch.
So this doesn't quite answer the question but the question conjured up this memory and is somewhat relevant.
I remember being babysat when I was a kid and we were watching All That with the babysitter, a teenage girl. The part where the fat girl who does the news came on. Our babysitter said that she didn't think she was funny and that she wouldn't laugh at any of the jokes. I think I thought it was the funniest part of the show so I couldn't believe she wouldn't laugh. Anyways, the babysitter laughed at one of the jokes and I called her out on it.
Her explanation for why she laughed at that joke was because it was a joke that she herself made up and so of course it was funny enough to make her laugh, so that joke didn't count.
I believed her and thought it was so cool she got one of her jokes on tv.
After writing that, I think it actually does fit the question pretty well
My friend told me that he made a game in RPG Maker and Square Enix contacted him and told him they wanted to buy it and sell it as the next Final Fantasy.
That kid told nothing but lies; I wish I could remember more. We would always call him out on it, but he'd just say "fine, don't believe me!"
He told me he had sex w a smoking hot black girl he met on tinder. I asked him to pull up her tinder and he showed me a pic of some half naked girl, that was posted on imgur...
This girl I was sleeping with for a short while was the most insane liar I'd ever met. It took me a little bit to see through it, but basically just in the one month that I was sleeping with her, she had a leukemia scare, was "hospitalized" twice for messed up blood tests, got T-boned in a car accident but with zero injuries, had her best friend get in a car accident which lead to a miscarriage which led to the best friend committing suicide at the hospital (but mysteriously this girl didn't go to the funeral or visit the hospital at all), and had another best (male) friend attempt to sexually assault her and then ALSO commit suicide. All in ONE MONTH.
The sad part is it took me a whole month to realize she was batshit crazy. After I broke it off her with her she told me she was in love with me. God damn it.
This guy I worked with over the summer had the greatest lies and stories I've ever heard. A few were:
Fought in the Vietnam War, despite it ending 15 years before he was born.
In said war, was the best marksmen in the army, with a record 7km sniper kill. (Longest sniper shot is 2.4 km)
Did a massive charity wrestling event where he fought the Big Show and Undertaker, and was forced to let them win after fans start booing him; he's 5'6".
and my personal favourite!
Went to a woman's house to fix her cable, and ended up having sex with her. She was soo amazed by how good he was in bed, she hooked him up with porn producers and he flew to China where he made over 2000 video's and is a celebrity in China.
1 His dad owned all of BMW, and he proved it to my by bringing me a BMW keyring the next day.
2 His dad got him a copy of halo 2 before it was out by half a year, since he got it from HK. He didnt realize bungie are an american company, and two, the asian country known for having games before they are localized for the western market is not HK, its Japan. I pretended to be jealous.
I used to work with a guy named William. William seemed like he couldn't help it.. and I could swear he knew this about himself. He would chime in during the most mundane conversations, realize what he had just said, but would never back down. As a result, we learned all sorts of interesting things about William.
If you were having trouble with your lawnmower, he was a small engine expert.
If you were talking about painting your bedroom, he'd mention that he painted Mike Tyson's house.
If you were talking about a girlfriend, he was getting married that weekend... in Hawaii.
One day during our lunch break, we decided to walk down the street to McDonald's. It happened to be the time of year when McDonald's Monopoly game was in full swing.
After getting our food, William sat across the table and went straight to peeling off the tiny game pieces. With no surprise in his voice, he says, "Huh. I just won a million dollars."
Had anyone else at the table said this, we would've had a chuckle and moved on. Instead, knowing William, the rest of the table looks up from their food and prepares for the challenge.
Tony, another guy at the table, said, "William... are you actually telling me that you just won a million dollars? Like, right now at this table?" William doesn't look up. "Yep."
Tony said, "Aren't you just a little excited about it?" William had moved on to eating some fries at this point. "Eh, I've won these things before. It's not a big deal. I'm not even sure I'm going to turn this one in."
Tony began to laugh. "So you're telling me that not only have you won millions of dollars playing monopoly at McDonald's, you're also a millionaire who chooses to drive a crap car and do factory work for $10 an hour?" William shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah, so?"
We all knew it was pointless to keep going, so we told William he was buying lunch next time and that we were hurt that he'd waited this long to tell us he was flushed with cash.
Grew up with a friend who was absolutely a compulsive liar. It was always really easy to ignore the obvious lies intended to one-up someone else's story, but the ones he'd blurt out at random and with no context were much harder to ignore. The one that always stuck with me is when he claimed one of our neighbors had a working model of the crossbow Van Helsing used in the movie Van Helsing. You know the one, with the drum of crossbow bolts on the bottom
I'm on a trip to my brothers wedding with all the groomsmen. One of the groomsmen (sitting right next to me) told me that he drank the equivalent of 80 beers within 8 hours. I told him no way. He then went on to tell me that his dad regularly drinks 2 cases a night.
I'm not a big drinker, but I feel like that story is a little exaggerated.
I dated a compulsive liar for 2 years in high school.
It started from when we started dating, he told me about this girl he dated before me. It was pretty simple at first, he showed me some photos of a pretty girl on his laptop and claimed she was a japanese foreign student who was a year older and already in college for photography.
Then the story started evolving. Suddenly she was also a model who lived alone (at age 17) and frequently had threesomes with him and other "models" he just happened to know through his dad. Whenever he went to visit his grandma he claimed he was visiting her and came back with these elaborate stories about how she wrote a song for him because she was sad about the breakup. He would even play these "original songs" for me (which I later found out were just covers he downloaded from this singer on youtube.
I didn't think much of it until the complaints started.
Whenever we were cuddling he'd tell me about her tits and how hers were bigger so they offered more "cushioning". When I felt bloated he'd tell me about her size 2 body and how active she was. Whenever I tried to do anything he started telling me that his ex would have done it better. I eventually got fed up and told him to just get back together with her if she was so great.
Of course that's when the story got more elaborate. He told me she found out she was bi and started hooking up with another japanese model that he just happened to know. I started pushing for a meetup and he told me she was moving to japan with her new girlfriend. He started sending me "proof" of her existance like drawings she did or songs she sang (which he stole off DeviantArt or youtube covers). I asked his friends about it and found out he'd sometimes talk to them on facebook as her (he'd pretend they were in the same room and take turns talking to whoever it was). Apparently this lie had already been going on for 2 years.
The only part I couldn't figure out was her photos because no amount of reverse image searching revealed anything. I later found out (after he confessed) that he stole the photos from a distant facebook acquaintance of his. Obviously that relationship didn't work out.
3 bottles of Everclear and 52 beers consumed in four hours.
naabta · 1 points · Posted at 14:53:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
From high school,
"My Dad and I shot down a UFO with our 12 gauge."
Not kidding. This, from the same guy who painted a Confederate flag on his truck door using black spray paint.
It didnt even come close to looking like the Confederate flag. It just looked like a black "X" inside a black square.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 14:54:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
They told me them and their mates climbed 2/3 of everest in an evening and skiii'd down because it was getting too dark. I shit you not. I just looked at him like...do you really expect me to believe this.
Sitting around catching up w/ roommates after xmas break at college. The discussion of presents came up. One of my roommates mentioned that his dad was blown away by getting a Rolex for xmas. Not 10 seconds later my other roommate stated that his father got 2 Rolexs from his company for xmas.
Kid from high school would show up a couple times every month with crutches and a different story for what happened. My favorite reason was that he was playing tight end on his cousin's semi-pro Arena Football team and made a diving touchdown catch, but landed spine first on the wall. He also claimed to run a 4.60 40-yard dash and "would've gone pro" if he didn't get hurt
Eziyos · 1 points · Posted at 14:55:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy told me once that he regulary has to go see his doctor because has a erectile problems, when I asked him how are those little blue pills he replied "no no I never take no blue pills, my problem is the exact opposit!!!"...he claims to have an a bonner 24/7 if he doesn't take his medication.
ftbc · 1 points · Posted at 14:55:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My high school German teacher told us outrageous stories of her time in Germany. It was a very long time ago (God I'm old) but here's what I can remember:
She was approached by the FBI while in Germany and asked to pose as a prostitute to help bust some crime lord who was doing some international bad things. Then the CIA got involved, but the details of that part changed with every telling. Over two years I must have hear ten iterations of the story and every time there were new and interesting details.
The best part: this woman was ugly. Always had been. My dad went to school with her and I've seen her yearbook photos. Poor lady lost the genetic lottery bad. I can't imagine taking money to sleep with her, much less hiring her as a prostitute.
I had a compulsive liar co worker who told this elaborate story about how she was pulled over by a cop just so he could ask for her number. She told the whole restaurant that story even though that's completely illegal and not plausible (she was kind of fat and not good looking at all).
Man when I was in elementary school I used to be the worst liar. Thankfully I stopped lying when I got to middle school.
Some lies I remember telling:
Had a best friend with a super long last name that was constantly doing bad ass things with his dad/getting in horrible accidents whilst doing bad ass things. The most common one was that his dad owned a trebuchet and a junk yard and would launch cars across the yard. One time my made up best friend was in the car when the trebuchet launched the car with him in it.
I played hockey. This lie was the most believable to the point where my friends and my friends parents would ask me for details because they actually wanted to play hockey too.
I had been to China and kept up a pen pal relationship with a kid there. This was also a believable one that lead me to having to do a project on China. I even went so far as to draw made up Chinese symbols on the board in front of the class.
The last one I clearly remember because I got called out on it. I told everyone I had contacts and would run to my backpack randomly throughout the day to "change" them. My teacher ended up asking my mom about them. Boy was my face red during that parent teacher conference.
My brother is the epitomy of a compulsive liar. He's the kind of guy who will eat a cheeseburger for lunch and when you ask him what he ate, he'll say pizza. I will now tell you his 3 most recent stories he told me in the span of an hour.
"So I was drinking and decided to walk to the store to get some smokes when I heard this chick screaming like she was being murdered. So I ran up to the house, kicked the door in, and there's this cute little blond chick with HUGE tits butt naked masturbating on the couch.
Then she says "perfect timing. You look like you have a HUGE dick. Why don't you fuck me with it" I was like who? Me? What?! Seriously?! Then I just fucked her brains out right there"
"I was driving home from work and I was stopped at the light. Then this car pulls up next to me and starts honking the horn. I thought it was a guy looking for a fight so I was about to get out and beat his ass.
Then I look over and see it's this cute little blond chick with HUGE tits. So I roll down the window and she says "You look like you have a HUGE dick. Why don't you come back to my place and fuck me with it?" I was just like what?! For real?! So we went back to her place and fucked all night long!"
"I was at the grocery store just buying some milk when someone comes up behind me and taps me on the shoulder. I turn around, and it's this cute little blond chick with HUGE tits.
She says "Excuse me, sir. Sorry to bother you. But you look like you have a HUGE dick. Would you mind fucking me with it?" I was just like what?! No way....so we just went behind the store and I bent her over by the dumpster and fucked the hell out of her!"
I should also point out that in each of these stories he is in shock and disbelief that this is happening to him and he fumbles around and doesn't know how to act at first.
Met this guy who told me he was going to school to be a Cardiovascular Surgeon, and that he was 22 with a kid. Also that he played on the Basketball team at Duke. Fact checked, he just turned 21, is single, no kids, no degree and was definitely not on the team.
Back when I worked in a nursing home kitchen (soul-sucking, shit job) I had a Turkish co-worker who I'll call "Dave". He was around 17-18 and was a huge liar. Some of his lies weren't too memorable but here's one I'll never forget:
He once claimed that he dated a girl for about a year's length of time (not sure how old, most likely around his age). And during the time they dated, he cheated on her with several different guys, and had not one, not two, but SEVEN abortions. Unfortunately there were no women in the immediate vicinity to tell him what a total fucking idiot he was (and still is).
He has "a friend with a 1996 300ZX Twin Turbo who ripped the engine out, elongated the front end, and dropped in an LT5 out of a 1995 ZR1 Corvette". "Runs 9's at 140mph in the 1/4 right out of the box without a tune". Also, the highlight...."it has cast-iron aluminum heads".
One of my former coworkers would lie about everything from hanging out with celebrities, winning the lottery, and driving fancy cars on the weekend even though he drove a beat up Civic to work, but the real doozy he came up with was that he was awarded a Congressional Medal of Honor for his service in the Invasion of Grenada. His claim was that he killed 75 men himself and was recognized for his amazing abilities. I think he figured the specific details would make us believe this ludicrous story.
The problem was that the internet exists, so we looked up the Invasion of Grenada and found that the Grenada and Cuban troops only took 70 casualties, so we questioned why he decided to kill five of his fellow American troops. He never got back to us on that one.
One of my old friends told me and all the boys that he had gotten a new dog. Naturally, we wanted to meet the little guy so we asked if we could come over to see the new dog. At first he told us he was at the vet, and then for the next 2 years, made up new stories regarding the dogs whereabouts. Suffice to say, he never had a dog.
Had a roommate who played some electronic music and smoked a bunch of weed along with other drugs all day. Everytime you talked About a band...any fucking band...he would go and say "yea I opened for them once" or " yea he's a super chill dude I smoked with him once"...riiigght and that's why you're at state college.
A friend of mine always tells us "near death" stories whenever we all hangout, I wouldn't call him a compulsive liar but he definitely thinks it sounds real to everyone.
So I have a fat cat with a low hanging belly. My girlfriends ex texted him one day with the story about his theory as to why MY cat has a fat tummy.
Apparently he had a wild cat on his parents property once that was pregnant. The ex decides the cat needs an abortion. So he goes to a local towns pet store (the town never had a pet store) and buys over the counter cat abortion pills. He then proceeds to feed them to a wild cat on his parents property and gives the cat an abortion with "a pair of tweezers and scissors".
Naturally the abortion went off without a hitch and ever since then the cat has had a fat low hanging belly.
I once knew somebody who lied about having cancer. We were 18 at the time and she told everybody in Sixth Form about it, including the teachers. There was something off about it from the start, but I didn't want to question it - how could anyone lie about cancer? She missed an hour of school once and came in saying she had just had keyhole surgery on her brain. That's when I knew she was making this up.
Her mum worked in the local supermarket and someone from our year who actually did have cancer (thankfully treatment worked and there are no signs now) approached her and let her know that if her or her daughter needed anyone to talk to about this, her family were there for them.
Her mum replied with "I think you're confused - her grandfather has cancer, not her."
We all found out when the girl who actually did have cancer exploded into our classroom and called her out on it in front of everyone.
I had a friend back in high school that said so many lies that I've forgotten most of them. The ones that stick out though was one where she said her mom won the Miss USA pageant. She also stood up at graduation when they honored students going into the military and even talked about it all semester, and the week after graduation claimed she got kicked out because her dad already served.
I worked with this crazy lady for a year. She would always come into work crying, and I mean every single time she worked. She apparently had six or seven different grandmas who died of thyroid cancer that developed into stage four lung cancer in a matter of two to four weeks. And when the reincarnations of her grandmother would die, around ten of her best friends died of brain cancer and she couldn't work because she had to go to their funeral. She also gave three kidneys to her brother, but don't ever ask about her brother because they don't get along very well. She has a twin sister, but she refuses to acknowledge her and tells everyone they're just cousins.
She also had an affair with my old general manager, who was literally five hundred pounds, and him and his wife are just going to become Mormon and allow her into their marriage. She's now dating some other guy, and she tells everyone how they're getting married and she's pregnant, but it always ends up with her having an abortion or having a miscarriage.
tamtt · 1 points · Posted at 15:03:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This one guy I know from my college loved talking about motorbikes. Said he owned a few. He said he had been dirtbiking since he was little and basically grew up on his scrambler doing wheelies, jumps and you name it. When he was 16 he got his 50cc, then went through the licences as fast as he could (he was 22 at the time). He always said how much he liked riding his superbike and racing off the lights with the front wheel lifting when he was at uni (he dropped out). He also said that he goes down to the dirt track to practice his jumps and has done a couple of shows.
Now I had no reason to disbelieve him as he had told a couple of funky stories in the past, and then backed those up with video evidence, so I went with it. Until I dropped him back to his house one day and he invited me in.
His house is a dump (no disrespect meant, but it was a building site and about the size of a double garage). A tiny little place and he lives with his parents who have a bog standard car to go with it. I have heard so much of his bikes at this point I kinda want to see them, but he says he has them in a lockup somewhere (understandable considering the house), but he did have one there. Turns out this is a Chinese 125cc with big red L plates on it.
At this point I'm curious and ask him "Why do you still have L plates on?" and he replies "because you can't ride without them on a CBT".
His whole story falls apart right in front of me. Bikes can be expensive, but I don't think his family had the money to sustain such a hobby. As for multiple of them, probably not. He said he loved his superbike, but hadn't even passed his test, I hadn't even seen a dirtbike or even a video of them.
I have made sure to ask him for a video of the dirtbiking for the past year, but he keeps on saying "I'll get that for you next time we meet". I'm pretty sure it's bullshit, and I've pretty much avoided contact with him since. I've also mentioned my concerns to the other guy that we hung out with and left him to work it out for himself.
My ex was a compulsive liar, he once said that he carried his dead best friend on his back, down a hill, whilst having two broken legs himself.. Saw his best friend a couple days after he told me that, alive and dandy.
He also made up having a little brother that died in childhood and would get really upset if we even mentioned him, his parents weren't aware of this other sibling they'd apparently given birth too..
I could go on but I'd be here all day.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 15:04:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
This was when I was in about 4th grade. This kid, Josh, used to tell a crazy lie every week it seemed like. A few memorable ones were:
When Spacejam was in theatres, he told us that during the opening theme song, he was dancing up and down the aisles and in front of the screen with all the girls in the theatre.
When Goosebumps was hugely popular and R.L. Stine had his contest to meet him, Josh told us that he had won that contest and became best friends with Stine.
He stole my two favorite Star Wars toys and then showed them to me. I excitedly said I had the same two toys to which he replied(and I shit you not), "Really? Can I see them?" I went to go show them and they were missing. I know it was him that stole them, because one of the toys, Obi-Wan, came with a stage you could connect to Vader(who also came with a stage), which he did not have. I still had the stage, but no Obi-Wan. I'm still very, very bitter about this one.
Edit: formatting.
me202 · 1 points · Posted at 15:04:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
During Freshman year of college one of our friends was a foreign exchange student who was clearly very wealthy. He was a really nice kid but no one really knew anything about him besides the fact that he had money.
He would do favors for kids he didn't know, lending out hundreds of dollars without even caring that he never got it back. He would always be offering to buy everyone meals(at very nice restaurants). Everyone loved him for it and i admit, even I fell victim, but I eventually started turning down these kinds of offers because it made me a little uncomfortable and I do not like feeling that I owe people, even though he never expected me to pay him back.
Anyway, after becoming pretty close to him I really started to see all the different kind of lies he would tell different people, not only regarding where he actually came from and his past, but also little everyday things. Sometimes he would even switch his story up on us (closer friends) thinking we just wouldn't notice?
Here are some good ones I can remember:
-First he claimed that he was Royalty from his home country, which came off believable initially due to the little information we had.
-He then claimed he was part of the Korean military "White Ops". (This doesn't exist)
-Next was that he lived in Russia and was a soldier for the Russian queen and had to kill 10 dogs or some shit to become a soldier.
-He was always switching up his story about his home too. One day he would say that him and his family were always very close, the next time I heard someone ask he told them he hasn't spoken with his father for 6 years.
-This broke off into smaller everyday lies, about what kind of cars he has at home. Claimed to have a variety of super cars/sports cars. Even claimed to have personally put a FUCKING v8 in a Toyota supra(which anyone can tell you is impossible). Somehow after putting a FUCKING v8 in a supra, he doesn't know how to change a flat tire or jump start a car here in the US.
-Told me his parents own houses in New York, LA, and pretty much every country you can think of. Not only that but every house has a super security system and of course, super cars.
-Because of a secret shot he got when he was a baby, he can NEVER get sick. (he was sick multiple times that I recall but always had some crazy excuse/reason as to what is was)
-Also used to try and get us to smoke Catnip and Wormwood but that's a long one to explain.
My friend and I are thinking about writing a small book about this kid and his stories.
My wife is a gamer, and constantly has neckbeards trying to hit on her. I think it's funny, and enjoy listening to the stories.
Anyway, this one particular guy that she would play in the same clan with in Lord of the Rings Online (Yea, this was a while ago) claimed he was a Yakuza Warlord, living in Texas. His wife was in the Army, and he would constantly talk about his girls that he would pimp out and would send the money back to Japan. He kept trying to impress my wife with stories like, "I have to go afk. The "boss" is calling asking about his girls", etc. Anyway, I finally called him out on his shit in Teamspeak, and started laughing at him and he started threatening me saying the Yakuza knows where I live, etc.
Had a lad who i worked with who came into work one day claiming he'd gotten drunk at an Irish pub and had a threesome with 2 Eastern European girls in a neighbouring hotel... he had to go home for 2 days (came in, felt ill and went home) because he was hungover and apparently he doesn't remember much of it.... must be true though because he lost his jumper from the ordeal!
My brother is a compulsive liar but never tells any wacky stories. He just lies about everything for no fucking reason over the dumbest shit.
Although recently he told a story about how I used to hide my gym gear in his school bag to get out of gym class. Which would have been hilarious if I'd actually done it. When I pointed out that this never happened he started getting shitty. He often tells stories that involve the people around him and then becomes hugely upset when they are confused because the events never even happened.
He lies about being beaten up, being raped and threatened at gunpoint, but if you bring it up and offer help he laughs and says he never said any of it. His gender identity and sexuality changes to suit both his wants and what he feels will make him the most interesting at the time.
He also lies about eating all the biscuits.
It's gotten to the point that I just don't give a shit about him anymore. I can't trust anything he says at all and if I try to sort fact from fiction he gets very aggressive. So if something terrible really does happen now he may find nobody believes him when he needs us to. He'll become the boy who cried wolf.
We're getting him therapy. He does it because he's clearly deeply insecure and desperate for attention. I think most of the people who compulsively lie need to be pitied really, they are usually very unhappy people.
So, an old close friend of mine is unfortunately such a type. I have always been able to tell when he's lying. So would you, he's terrible at it.
There we are one day, all having a catch up at our local live music bar, when i'm approached by a friend of a friend. He says "Hey Sayagata, that guy over there, what's his deal" I ask in an 'here we go again' tone "Why, whats he said now". Apparently this guy was trying to get to know the group, having a relatable chat with some guys who are outgoing types about the time he and his Dad climbed Mount Kilimanjaro. Up pipes my skinny weedy friend who's life experiences and knowledge are limited to popular games and films, "Yeah well, me and my uncle climbed Everest in 3 days, flat out, no rest. That's not even the best part, on our way down we had to run for a solid 30k as we where being chased down by mountain wolves. Luckily by Uncle knew a few short cuts and we made it out alive".
I had a guy tell me he was elk hunting and calling a bull he couldn't see. All of a sudden the bull is right beside him and scraping at him with his gargantuan antlers. He has it on video, but cant remember what he did with it
wuzart · 1 points · Posted at 15:12:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A kid I went to elementary school with claimed to have written the opening rap song to NBA 2K2. Unfortunately, as he was only 11 at the time, the NBA and 2K Sports took advantage of him and stole his lyrics. He didn't even get a free game copy. Outrageous.
My cousins boyfriend is a complete douche. He claimed that he joined the army, got deployed, and the unit he was a squad leader of got decimated by an IED, of course he is the only survivor and has severe PTSD. They medically discharged him because of it.
Now, there are unfortunately people who this would be true for, but the reason why this is BS is because he's 17 and still in high school.
This one lad I worked with, told me he's a film director (he was doing something related in college), and Peter Jackson is taking him to New Zealand to help on production on 'The Hobbit' trilogy....
He also told me his uncle was 'Suggs' from Madness.
Oh lord, we had one of these in my division when I was on an aircraft carrier.
two specific stories he liked to tell..
He was specifically picked by Bill Clinton to sing at his inauguration... he would have been 8 at the time.
He is a martial arts master and was trained by Chuck Norris and even beat CN while sparring a few times.
Others that I remember bits and pieces of but cant remember all the details...
Shooting an elephant on a safari with a caliber round that wouldn't even puncture the skin of the elephant. He was just such a good shot that he hit the elephant "in just the right spot" to take him down. We were weapons, I saw him on the range, he was a horrible marksman.
Driving 200+ mph on interstate 264 in his car, which was completely stock and was something along the lines of a civic or corolla.
In basic he claimed to be selected to join seal team 6, but the navy thought he was too deadly for them or something along those lines. For full disclaimer... I didn't hear this from his mouth but it was often repeated by others as a story he told often.
And there are many others I can't remember because it was so long ago. One person I was stationed with was keeping a notebook of all his stories for entertainment purposes. Lets just say there were a lot of stories in that notebook.
When i was 16, my other 16 year old friend told me and our group of friends that he went to Costa Rica, all by himself. This same friend also said he was going to New Mexico, also alone, which i assume didn't actually happen.
Late to the party. I was in Basic Training at the time and we had this guy who would always tell BS stories. After about 6 weeks, one night he started claiming he and his family personally knew COL Dick Winters, famously portrayed in Band of Brothers.
One of our DS, who was basically a lifer in the 101st overheard him boast about this. After a few poignant questions that exposed this obvious lie, the DS ripped into him something fierce. This guy had about 4 new assholes after that story and was a running joke the rest of the cycle.
Other BS stories told by this guy. He skydived into his backyard to propose to his fiance. The picture he showed of his fiance looked like a demo shot that came out of a picture frame. His family owned a million dollar Gibson guitar.
Someone I knew in college told me that he was a volunteer fire fighter in NYC during 9/11, and that he responded to the World Trade Center. He said he was one of the last fire fighters to run out of the building before the collapse and that he lost most of the other fire fighters he went into the towers with. This person was born without one of his hands, and also would have been 15 the day of 9/11. It was the worst thing I ever heard someone lie about.
Was good friends for many years with a pathological liar until he died (to me), but I digress. His lies were mostly harmless and occasionally entertaining. The one that I never was able to verify was when there was a fire at him mother-in-laws house. He lived a block a way and said the police questioned him as a suspect for starting the fire.
I wasn't sure whether to believe that the police questioned him, but more than that, in retrospect I believe they did question him because I think he actually started the fire.
LPT - people like this may seem annoying, but I do not believe you can trust them at all. They are toxic and eventually you will be hurt by their lies. Cut them out of your life NOW. Trust me on this one.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 15:17:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He was at a paintball range and on the other team there was some gangsters. After the 'game' they came to him and offered him a 'job' as a shooter in a 'gang war'.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 15:18:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This crazy lady tried to convince me that I pushed her son off his bike. I think I would know if I did or not.
Went to school with this one kid, let's call him Bobby. Bobby always promised other kids these ridiculous things he could never possibly afford. He told one of his classmates he would get him some video game or movie. Well, a couple days later, Bobby told the kid he couldn't give him the disc because his cousin thought it was a cookie and ate it. Bobby once fell off of his dads "50 foot deck." Bobby promised some kid a console or whatever and supposedly "Dropped it off the Grand Canyon." He never even went to the Grand Canyon. He borrowed my friends toy or whatever (We were kids,) and his brother allegedly "Broke into his laser guarded safe and stole it." My friend never got his toy back. This is just some of the stories, I am just scratching the surface. Excuse my grammar/spelling, I have my reasons.
I worked with a guy who claimed he was in the US Coast Guard (why lie about being in that branch?). He described a story once where he was in a bar with Marines and started talking shit. He used a line from the Ashton Kutcher movie and I knew he was full of shit but I didn't care enough to call him on it. However my boss walked by right as he was telling this particular part of the story and said, "Man, that shit was even more unbelievable than when Kelso did it in The Guardian."
I've heard he's cutting hair and selling meth now.
A guy I knew from school came over one day, wanting to ride my dirtbikes with me, he insisted that he knew how to ride one that was "way bigger" than the ones I had (mine were cr250s, race bikes). I still gave him an overview of how to drive it, how to use the clutch, throttle, and brakes. He told me to shut up, because he can "do triple back flips off the sand dunes in Oklahoma." I said, "alright, just walk the bike towards the yard, pull in the clutch, put it in gear and go." He says, "alright" and throttles it to hell and then stomps on the gearshift, doing a small wheelie and crashing into my truck, leaving a pretty decent dent in the bumper. He didnt apologize, he told me he was used to an "automatic transmission bike" and "thought mine would be in reverse so he could back away from the truck." He refuses to pay for the dent in the truck, and I'm not in contact with him anymore.
Oh man... I remember another guy. This one is good.
We will call him John.
I worked as an assistant manager of a Gamestop, and this dude in his 40's was working with us, and he claimed that he was an engineer that worked with weapon systems for the government.
(Why work for Gamestop when you have that kind of a job? But whatever.)
He was "leaking" us information about biochemical weapons and what they were used for. One day he called out because he had to travel to Iraq for three days to investigate and find a cure for a weapon that seemed to destroy an entire village. This was absolute bullshit, cause I saw him hanging outside of his house the the day after, talking to people. (I have to pass by his house to get to work)
He had government workers around him at all times. If I was to lay a hand on him he could have me shot by a sniper and I wouldn't even see it.
He has to have blackout curtains all over his house so people can't see the secrets inside, including his super protective safe room.
His daughter came to his job with a bunch of protesters where were against weapon violence. Even though the protest was correct, his daughter wasn't named because she's a minor, and they don't post minor's information in the paper. He had no problem with her getting arrested, apparently.
I once told one of my compulsive liar friends a story about something VERY specific and ridiculous that happened to me as a child.
About a week later, I was hanging out in a group with said friend... and that friend started to tell my other friends MY story... but as if it happened to him. (I guess forgetting that I was the one who told them the story originally)
I interrupted him and said, "Um... that happened to me. I was the one who told you that story." And he got embarrassed and pretended to have just mis-remembered. I was just like yeahokay.jpg.
I once knew a guy who was hiking with his cousin, when she slipped and fell from the top of the mountain. Without even thinking, he pulled out his knife and stabbed it through her shirt into a rock to stop her from falling.
He's simply incredible.
sulfr · 1 points · Posted at 15:21:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
There was this guy in college who would always brag about ANYTHING, every things he said about his life were deformed by his lies.
He told us he bought his car's ugly white mags online for 1000$ but posted a picture on facebook of him painting those cheap plastic mags.
Told us he went in the sweden/swiss alps for 3 days with is father & some blonde hot chicks. Apparently they heli-skied & partied the whole time. Who would travel from Canada to Europe for a 3 days vacations like this?
Other things he told us:
-Held one of our Lab assistant by the collar and chocked him because of how he spoke to him
-Saw his girlfriend's Ex at an intersection, stopped his car, proceed to beat the fuck out of the guy for no reason & drove off
-He wanted his father to deliver us some McDonald's by helicopter while we were on a camping trip for Phys Ed
-He used to train at a MMA fighting center where they were trained to not feel pain by hitting their shinbone on some concrete plates
Every story we told, he had something unbelievable to beat our stories. It didn't take long we all knew he was full of bullshit. It never did any sense
So there is a guy I used to be friends with, let's call him Billy, he tried to convince me and my friends that he went to military school in Uzbekistan while in middle school, and that in 4th and 5th grade he learned topics like calc and chemistry meanwhile in highschool he was failing most of them.
I go to university with this asian guy who tells everyone that he was born in Australia. Supposedly he moved here when he was 8 or so. He puts on his best Aussie accent for exactly one word -- can't, which comes out as a mangled version of the c-word. Everyone around him is totally sold on this identity -- except for me. See, the problem is, I went to high school with this guy, AND his twin brother. Who was born in China... and has never been to Australia, and once assured me that his brother never has either.
I don't understand his end game here. No SO he ever gets can meet his family, because they would blow his cover. No friend can ever meet his brother, because the cover would be blown. At any point, I could blow his cover, but I mostly keep it to myself because I find it incredibly entertaining.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 15:22:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
What if some the people in this thread are compulsive liars, who are lying about having had lies told to them? This undeserved skepticism adds a whole new dimension to the top comments on here.
Had an ex lie to me for 3 months about being pregnant. Stuck out her belly to look pregnant, made up fake dr. appointments, and told me the baby was craving Chinese food.
Also told me that she helped write a popular country song for that year.
She was crazy.
Don't stick your anything in crazy.
This guy I used to work with was the most ridiculous liar I've ever spent time with. He was a nice enough guy, pleasant to be around, but any time he would start telling stories I learned to just roll my eyes and play along because the less questions I asked, the less bullshit he would spout.
Some background about him: he was overweight. He would come in and eat Chef Boyardee for breakfast; sometimes he'd change it up and have barbecue chicken nuggets. He smelled like BO on top of making the office smell. He wasn't that great looking. But when he wasn't lying he was alright; he would actually listen pretty well when he wasn't dishing out shit.
He came in one day telling me how much he didn't want to be at work. I asked why, and he said because he was tired. I didn't really ask for further information but he said "yeah, I was up all last night with my girlfriend, so I'm pretty tired."
Again, I didn't ask for more info, he just offered.
"We were fucking all night. Man, sometimes I wish she'd just lay off! It gets too tiring!"
Sure, I thought. But again, I didn't ask for more info.
"Yeah, and she didn't want me to leave. She was begging me to stay."
Then he proceeded to show me a couple pictures of her, half naked on his bed, but they were obviously different pictures from different bedrooms and different girls that he grabbed off of The Chive.
That his father worked at bungie studios developing Halo, after having retired from the GROM, Polish SpecOps unit, and that he lived in America.
His dad was actually in prison.
Come to think of it, he wasn't a compulsive liar as much as a kid just wanting acceptance.
At about the age of 7, I was friends with this kid Gary who was perfectly fine and normal. We ended up going to different middle schools and eventually lost contact but about 9 years later we end up going to the same college. Something during those 9 years changed the guy into one of the biggest bullshitters I've ever met.
He claimed to always have been the biggest Nirvana fan ever and had seen the band play live when he was 7 (forgetting that I knew him at that point in his life and he never once mentioned Nirvana, nor had any of their CD's in his house). But the best one had to be when I was expecting him to come over to my house one afternoon -h e ended up being an hour late turning up. When I asked him why he was late he said, completely seriously "Yeah sorry dude, I got jumped on by 4 black guys on the way here...I had to fight them all off". Not only did he live approximately 3 minutes walking distance from my house, we lived in the English countryside in the middle of nowhere. I'm pretty sure there has never been one black dude in our village let alone four.
A kid I used to work with told everyone he was an ex sniper for the army. He even made up all these honors that he supposedly had.
I'm almost positive that he wasn't even 18 and didn't have his drivers license because he always claimed that he drove his motorcycle to work but didn't park in our lot because it would get dinged up.
Girl in high school told us her aunt owned the Arizona Diamondbacks, even though we looked up the owner, and it definitely wasn't her aunt.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 15:31:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
We have no way of knowing whether or not every one of these stories were made by pathological liars trying to get karma.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 15:31:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I could write an Essay with all the lies one friend told me but I'll just write 4:
When we were 10 he told everyone at school he had terminal lung cancer from smoking, everyone had forgot about it after a few weeks but when I asked him he said it had cleared up, the doctors said it was a miracle...
When we were 11 he told people that he was making a GTA game, based on the little town that we are from and all of his friends are going to be in it.
When we were 13 he got told off by his parents, so he told me he has an uncle who is a billionaire and he was going to go and live with him in a mansion in America.
And finally, when he was 21... (yes 21 and he still making shit up). I ran into him in a supermarket while he was shopping, he told me he owned a nightclub and had a 'supermodel' girlfriend. Truth was he had an okay looking girlfriend but he didn't own a nightclub, he actually worked in the supermarket that we were in.
this kid told me that he once set up a cock fighting match in his basement and made $1000 dollars in one night. and also he supposedly rode the bizarro "big ass roller coaster" and he fell off at the top and landed back into the ride at the bottom lmao.
On elementary school I had a classmate who swore she was Sarah Michelle Gellar's cousin, also she told us that her watch (a pink and silver wrist watch with glitter hears) was a gift from Freddie Prince Jr. because SMG considered this girl like a little sister.
Yeah, whatever.
Edit: Spelling.
Pugl · 1 points · Posted at 15:32:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have a cousin that lies literally all the time. At this point it is just fucking hilarious to me. Here are some of his lies that are simply implausible:
-He had a million dollars in the bank that he made while street racing at the age of 16, while he was still working at McDonalds
-The guy that put him on to street racing just up and gave him a "Tricked out $50k racing car that [he] had to get rid of or [he]'d get in trouble"
-One of his dentists sharpened his teeth to the point where he could not eat fast or much at all (I think this was his excuse as to why he was so skinny at the time)
-We went on a camp trip once and decided to go kayaking while we were there. I lost him for 5 minutes and what happened to him was amazing: "Some guy flipped my kayak over and when he did a random girl came up and told him to fuck off" When I asked him if he got her number he simply said "Dude I fucked her"
Late to the party, but oh well. In first grade I sat next to this kid,(whose name shall not be revealed due to the 97% probability that he has a reddit account) and he had some real whoppers. For instance, he was part wolverine. Not through any normal parental wolverine-ish-ness, but because he had drunk from a water fountain that a wolverine had drunk from. When I pointed out that his story was bullshit, he told me I couldn't say that until I had drunk from a wolverine-infested fountain and NOT become one. This same kid also liked to pick his nose and eat the boogers. I called him out on it, and was then informed of my grievous error. The image before me was a hologram, not him actually picking his nose. I pointed out that meant he had to have picked his nose at some point to record it, and was promptly told to shut my face. There were many other stories I could tell you about him, and the MLP-loving neckbeard he is today, but I fear for my life already.
Oh dear lord. My mother in law. I've forgotten so many of them because with her, the game isn't to catch her in a lie, it's to catch her telling the complete and unvarnished truth! Let's go with my first ever full on, caught her in the act, no doubt about it, lie.
TLDR: Lied about being at work when her car had not left the house all day.
Started dating my wife the day she turned 17, at that time I drove delivery for Domino's and I would have deliveries take me by her house sometimes 10 or 12 times per day. Not stalker shit, just the fact they lived 1 house away from the corner of a busy road.
On this particular day, probably less than a week after we started dating, I'd drove by, saw her mom's car in the driveway about 9:30 on my way to work to open the store. During the day I drove by at least a dozen times delivering pizzas, car never moved. Got off of work after the after lunch cleanup (about 3pm) and went straight to my girl's house, rang the doorbell and I hear "Just a minute, I just got home from work and I'm changing my clothes, be right there".
Da fuck, no you didn't, she was really changing out of her pajamas so I wouldn't see she'd not done shit all day. Frankly it wasn't any of my business, but whatever. It was only the first of uncounted number of small, medium, and LARGE lies I'd hear out of her in the following 25 years.
That he is part of a special military unit that guards the president's family but its not the secret service. His time as special ops in Iraq but when questioned by other vets about where he was he gives the if I told you I'd have to kill you answer. He's aware of special capabilities of various military equipment that unknown to 99% of the rest of the military. While I was not in the military myself I do know a little about it and know that he is really just a mechanic, so I nod my head and say "Wow!!! You're a real life GI Joe!" just so I can hear what his next amazing adventure is.
tayjax · 1 points · Posted at 15:34:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He could jump out of the hotel window into the pool because he "used to be a high diver."
He once tied a guy in a chair and beat his knuckles with a hammer because he owed him money for drugs... he included a ridiculous nickname that "everyone called him" but I can't remember now: "Knuckles something or other"... feel free to make up your own.
I've known a few compulsive liars, here are the best:
My mom told me when I was a kid (she was in and out of my life) that she had been buying my siblings and I birthday and Christmas presents since we were babies but had donated them all to an orphanage the week before she contacted us.
My brother used to spread around school that my sister sprinkled Meth all over his food after he failed a drug test. He also took his bb gun out in the back yard one time and shot a bunch of my dads stuff breaking it. He told my dad he saw a guy dressed in blue with blue rags hanging out of his pocket with a gun in the woods behind our house and he shot everything. Cops came and everything, debunked my brothers story completely.
Oh boy oh boy, my time to shine. This'll be long and I'm no writer so potentially not that interesting, but I can go on all day long.
So let's call this kid Derrick. Derrick and I met when we were about 8 years old, and almost immediately all of my friends knew there was something off about this guy. He would just lie about shit. Stupid, meaningless shit. And he was BAD at it.
It started out benign enough. If you asked if Derrick had seen a movie, he would always say he had. If he in fact had not seen the movie, he would just say he didn't remember anything about it, except maybe a part of the trailer if the movie was recent enough. One time, another friend and I literally made up a plot line to an episode of South Park, and sure enough, Derrick had seen it. When we broke it to him that the episode did not in fact exist, Derrick said - and I shit you not - "There are these fan made episodes online, and that was the plot for one of them". Seriously. can you imagine the coincidence?
Fast forward to around modern day (Derrick and I are both currently 19) and the lies became a bit more obnoxious. Some of the more recent lies he's told include:
Once while driving on the highway with his dad, he claimed another car flipped over their car entirely, and exploded in a fireball on the opposite side of them where it started. No explanation as to how it got that airborne.
Claimed to have pulled off one of those insane jet ejection sniper kill land back in the jet moves you see from Battlefield on reddit. Keep in mind this kid plays on Xbox one and records every decent kill he gets, yet somehow forgot to record that one.
After he lost his job, his parents told him to go apply for a job at a local coffee shop. He claimed to them that they were in fact not hiring. He got called the fuck out when his parents literally drove up to the shop and took a picture of the colossal "NOW HIRING" sign out front.
Sold my $200 airsoft gun after he asked to borrow it. Continues to claim he never sold it, and after like 6 months of me demanding pictures proving he still had it (I was out of town for a while) he eventually just told me his parents took it (but not HIS airsoft gun, yeah ok). I did make him pay me $200 so it's alright. I'm happier with the money.
I'm sure I could add to this list but these are just off the top of my head and I just woke up. I may add more.
Let's talk about girls. He dated this girl (let's call her Jess) for like 2 years. A true high school sweetheart. Except over the course of two years, he would claim periodically that they were broken up (fun fact: according to her their relationship was continuous) and go after other girls. So basically he just attempted to cheat, never very successfully - unless you asked him about his success with girls. He claimed to have gotten laid by like 3 or 4 different girls, all of whom I knew. When I asked them about their relationship with him, the answer was almost verbatim each time. "We never had a relationship, he started hitting on me but I know he's really still with Jess so nothing happened". Or in once instance, "Derrick creeps me the fuck out, no way".
So after Jess and him split pretty roughly, he gets another girlfriend (Calling her Stacy, cause her mom has got it going on). Currently, the day I am typing this, he is still with Stacy (according to her, but not according to him), but is hitting on (unsuccessfully) 4 girls, including my girlfriend. He told another mutual friend that my gf said she loves him. He even told my gf that he thinks she likes him more (she can't stand him) and we're thinking he sees it as a competition. Also fun fact, before this girl and I started dating he told me in confidence that he was not attracted to her in the slightest, using much harsher words than j have written here.
TL:DR Pathological liar, sociopath, and idiot thinks he gets away with tons of shit, fails to realize most people aren't stupid. If you want a quick read just read the list I wrote about halfway.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 15:35:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend insisted that he paid off his mothers house (this was when we were 20) While he was working at JC penny's for less than 10$ an hour. pretty moronic claim.
One of my bosses is bad about this, sometimes he starts telling customers his bs and I just have to roll my eyes at his bullshit.
A few things he's supposedly done, he's about 29-30 btw.
Used to hack ATMs to steal money. Eventually got caught but didn't go to jail, instead they sent him to some cabin in the woods to do some hacking stuff for the military. Don't ask where it is, he was blind folded. When he got there there were just a bunch of other nerds but he was like the alpha nerd cuz of his muscles. After 6 months they just let him go and he went on to do shit tons of online courses and has like 2 masters and 16 regular degrees or something, not that anyone has seen any proof of these.
He's even told us things to get out of coming to the job he partially owns like his mother had an incident and had to get her leg amputated, only to have her walk into the store both legs intact about 2 weeks later. Or the fact that his office is always suspiciously clean every time he manages to call in sick.
But he manages to do his job well enough, it's just irritating when he brings up this kind of total bullshit.
Oooh! I can play. My mom is a compulsive liar. There are MANY to choose from. But these are my favorites among the ones she tells most frequently:
She once saw Van Morrison in a bar, and he said: "hey, Brown Eyed Girl." And they spent the night drinking together and having a great old time. No one else in the bar knew who he was.
The lyrics in Paul Simon's "Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard" that go, "when the radical priest comes to get me released..." are about her. According to her story, she was arrested in Rome on a high school field trip and was bailed out by a Catholic priest and there was a huge scandal about her high school that was printed in Newsweek. I actually haven't fact-checked this one. Ha.
She was once abducted by aliens, and they wake her up at 3:33 am every morning, which is when they will return for her. If you ask, she'll show you the scar on her arm to "prove it."
She can't use a Ouija board because "her powers are too great" and the rest of us won't be able to handle all of the ghosts that will crowd around her once they realize she's communicating.
She claims I was conceived (in 1980) while she was using the Nuvaring, which is an IUD. Nuvaring wasn't released on the market until 2001 (in the Netherlands) but she claims she was part of an experimental test group. This one isn't as outlandish as the others, it's just that she's so insistent about it, and it's literally impossible.
My friend claimed that he followed trucks around that looked that they had a tire that was about to pop. He would then record the mile number and highway name that the tire would come off and call the company that owned the vehicle and fraudulently claim damage on his personal vehicle and ask for compensation. According to him, he did this for an entire summer and made tens of thousands of dollars.
Driving through the mall parking lot, I slow down for a mall stop sign. He says, "You don't have to stop at these, since they have a white outline on them."
I seem to attract these types. Maybe I'm a good listener? I'll just give u a rundown:
A ten year old girl told me:
She got her first period at 6 y/o, and her 2 y/o sister was actually her daughter, and that's why she moved to our town.
A 17 year old boy told me :
He was a psychic, but couldn't tell me anything about the future because every time he used his powers, he got debilitating migraines. The basic " I'm a super soldier fighting machine, the smartest and most important person in the world" little boy fantasies. It was actually kind of sad, I'm pretty sure this guy was slow in some way.
The most recent is this woman I just started hanging out with. She's in her mid 40's. She has a severe case of one-upmanship: if anyone mentions something, she's done it before. She's had basically every job there is. She will get dressed up in scrubs, and say she picked up some nursing shifts, but never leave the house. Her Dad is a hells angels grand poobah. She was beaten up by an old bf, thrown over a bridge, losing the twins she was pregnant with. She's been a stripper, escort, and Madame. She knows everyone you know, intimately. She was having some guy trouble the other day, and was in a bad mood. She started crying, and while I was comforting her, she told me she wasn't crying over buddy, she was crying because her cancer has come back, and its terminal.
She also is every race out there, has a native name given to her by some important elder, and is psychic. Apparently the tribe uses her as some type of spirit hunter.
It's just exhausting. How do you react to that shit? I just inset appropriate reaction here when she tells me anything. How am I supposed to know what is true and what isn't? I'm not going to go digging through her past. I'm just slowly pulling away. I've got enough crazy in my life, thank you.
He said his uncle worked for Hasbro and at his dad's house he had a prototype of the unreleased Autobot space ship/base. It was supposedly full scale to the Transformers action figures, and would close up and you could embed it into the side of a big plastic mountain.
This was 1985. I still haven't gotten over the deception.
An ex-boyfriend tried to tell me he was a captain in the Marine Core, he was a sniper with a Barrett .50 and an M4, every night, a helicopter would swing by to get him around 11:00 or so at night, then take him to Arizona and a place called Area 62, then from there, they'd go to Afghanistan via F16's to kick terrorist ass.
I know this guy who swears up and down that the following things have happened to him:
He was on a rollercoaster and he was wearing a baseball cap. When the coaster went through a loop, the cap fell off of his head. When the coaster got the bottom to the loop, it magically landed RIGHT ON HIS HEAD!
That same day, at that same amusement park, there was a family on one of those swing rides. Someone had a baby on it, like a one year old. The baby fell! Oh my god! But, luckily, this guy was there to catch the baby.
When he was in third grade, Tiger Woods was in the area for a PGA tour thing, and knocked on the door at his house to because he needed to use the bathroom. He got along with the family so well, that he cancelled his hotel room and spent the weekend.
....Seriously. This guy swears this stuff has happened.
It was my second year in college, and he was my suitemate. I had a roommate, he had a roommate, and we all shared a common area and a bathroom in the middle. I moved in my stuff before I was ready to actually move in for good, and since I only live 50 minutes away from school, it was no big deal. My dad and I took most of my stuff the weekend before classes began. I saw that my roommate had already moved in, and I see that the suitemates have settled in as well. I also noticed a black guy with a good sized afro/flattop/Mohawk with red coloring in the middle. No big deal, just a little different. This was Chris. I spoke to Chris’ roommate’s mother because she started asking me questions like “What year are you? How did you like it last year? What’s your major?” Stuff like that. I got through all this and left, just a normal day.
When I moved in for good, everyone in the suite hung out in the common area trying to get to know one another. Then my roommate decided he wanted to watch a movie so we moved into our room since he had his XBOX 360 set up to his 32 or so inch TV. As we were sitting here watching the movie, we were also trying to get to know one another. I don’t remember what everyone else said, but I certainly remember the things that came out of Chris’s mouth.
The first thing that caught my attention was when he said he had a black belt in some kind of martial arts I had never heard of before. I’m not into martial arts like that, so I figured maybe it was just less commonly known. I asked more about his martial arts experience. He said it was developed by Bruce Lee and whatever else he could think of to talk it up as much as possible. I was intrigued. And since he was also a black belt in Wing Chun, or whatever he said it was called, I asked how long it took for him to get a black belt in it. Once again, I’m no martial artist, but he said, “Eh, a few months.” And I was like, “Wow. That’s kinda quick no? Where did you learn?” Expecting him to name a school, I was surprised to hear that he learned it all from a friend.
His story was already fishy, but add in the fact that him and I were around the same height (5’6”) and he’s about twice my weight (120ish vs 220 I think I heard him say). I’m not saying that he couldn’t do it because of his weight, but he was extremely out of shape. I’ve seen bigger people that can move. He didn’t seem like one of them.
Later on I learned that he wrestled in high school. I knew a guy from my first year that went to a high school in the same city as Chris, and he later confirmed for me that the high school didn’t even have a wrestling program. Add in the fact that he told us he was a State wrestling champion. And the three of us played along like we believed him. Eventually he got into my conversations about working out. I’m trying to bulk up a little as I only weight 120lbs or so (I’m up to 127, but everyone tells me I look like I weigh much more). He talked about how he could squat 300 lbs for reps easy, and he loved watching people in the gym struggle. He also said he doesn’t really like lifting, which is weird, considering wrestlers kinda need to do that to be competitive. For whatever reason, I made the mistake of inviting him to go to the gym with me. We did not squat, but we did bench. I was benching 135 lbs trying to get up in the 5 rep range. I figured he would need much more weight considering his credentials, and his size, but he insisted that he would lift the same. I’m sure you’re not surprised by this, but he struggled like the hypothetical person he was laughing at just a few days ago. I never went to the gym with that guy again, and I haven’t even told you the reason why. It’s the biggest issue I the rest of the suite had with him. But that will come after this next lie.
This guy said he was AWAL from the Marines. Once again, I’m no expert in this category, but my dad did retire from the US Army so I was kinda familiar the US military. He talked about how people were looking for him since he left. I never got into the reason why, but I was shocked to hear that he was AWAL from the Marines at the young age of 17. I tried to get an explanation as to how that would happen considering you need to be 18 to enlist (at least that’s what I thought) and I got no clear explanation. But when I asked him about basic training, I got some good stuff. First I wanted to know where his basic was. My dad can tell you where he’s been and the names of the bases. Chris didn’t even know the geographical area in which he attended basic training. I asked him about the guns, and I was just looking for “Oh yeah, M-16 and M-9”, and then whatever those big guns the military uses are called [M-240?](I don’t wanna look it up or I may get distracted). But this guy says, “Oh yeah, we had uzis and mp5s. But my favorite part was the sniper training… yadda yadda yadda I wasn’t very good at the sniper part, I only hit 3 out of 5 targets (or something stupid like that). I told all this to my dad, and he also knew the biggest lie that I have yet to tell you. He told me, there’s no way. Not saying that I believed him, but there’s always a chance right?
Throughout the first few weeks of the school year, I became friends with Chris’ roommate. We hung out quite a bit, and talked about stuff. One day I couldn’t ignore a problem that slowly crept up on us. I asked him, “Hey man, have you noticed that Chris smells?” And he perked up and excitedly responded, “Yes! I thought I was the only one. He smelt bad the first day.” I didn’t notice at the beginning, but I certainly noticed the second week. I used to hang out in their room and talk about WWE. Now I left my door and their door closed. I told his roommate, we need to talk to him about that. After asking my roommate, he agreed that yes, we needed to talk to him about the smell because it was suffocatingly strong in his room. His roommate sprayed air freshener every time Chris walked out and he stayed at home Thursday to Monday to get out of there.
The three of us normal smelling human beings figured that he hadn’t showered since we never saw him go into the shower. I thought, maybe he can’t afford soap because nobody would want to smell like that. Especially since his body count was up in the double digits by now which I forgot to mention. After thinking, I said, there’s no way he can’t afford soap. He has a PS4, PS camera, and 40+ inch Sony TV in his room. He just doesn’t shower. So maybe if we talk to him, he’ll start.
We decided to have a group intervention with Chris and we would all have the courage to say what needed to be said with the support of one another. The day came when us three were in the common room and Chris was playing his PS4 as usual. I was eating a footlong from Subway mentally preparing myself for what was to come. I had 3 inches left when Chris opened the door and filled the room with his aroma. I immediately got up and walked out to the safety of my own room to finish my sandwich before returning to go through with the plan. We were sitting shoulder to shoulder on a couch. Chris was standing in front of us to the left behind a chair (idk why he wasn’t just sitting in it, but I’m glad he wasn’t). I looked at them and said, “Now’s as good a time as ever” and they both stared blankly ahead.
Ok, I guess I have to do this myself, thanks guys. I turned to Chris and said, “Alright Chris, we need to tell you something. I’m sure you know what this is about.” “No, what’s up.” “Well… Hmm… Are you familiar with Spongebob?” “Yeah.” “You’ve seen that episode when Spongebob ate something and his breath was smelly and he was scaring everybody away when he talked to them. And Patrick convinced him that he was ugly so Spongebob thought everyone was afraid of him because he was ugly but in the end Patrick ate the same thing and started scaring everyone with his bath breath which convinced Patrick that he was ugly too. You know what I’m talking about?” “Yeah.” “Well you’re Spongebob, and you’re ugly.”
He looked like a giant who had been hit by a rather large rock. He kinda fell back then tried to recover his expression of hurt feelings. Now his roommate comes out of nowhere with “Yeah man, if you could just shower every once in a while, that’d be great.” The response from Chris was not one I was expecting. He says, “Well, you know, I do shower, every morning after I run. (5’6” 220+ high body fat percentage, and we never noticed him leaving to run) It’s just hard for me because I sweat a lot, I have a skin condition and since I run, that makes it worse, but yeah, I shower before you guys wake up in the morning.” My roommate plays on the school baseball team and he’s always up early. His roommate had an 8:00 class every other day. I find it hard to believe that he could sneak in past both of them without being seen once with a towel, soap, or washcloth. But as usual, I went along with it.
Eventually I got moved out of my room because of an unrelated issue. I still had to walk past the room, and as time went on, the smell started to seep into the hallway. It got to the point that every time I walked through I would hold my breath, and I heard many people walk past saying, “Wow, this dorm smells” or “What in the world happened to the carpet?” I never had the heart to tell anyone that the smell came from a living person.
TLDR: Suitemate is in the marines, or was, is a blackbelt, state champ wrestler, and he showers every morning after his run.
in00tj · 1 points · Posted at 15:43:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
working in it I get a lot of "I used to be an it guy/girl, but forgot everything" while I am giving tech support.
One former member of our sales team (who used to be an i.t person) told me a tall tale about how he once got a "cisco virus", and spent all day reversing the source code because it was the only way to remove it...
I asked what kind of cisco devices he runs at home, he said he didn't, cisco was the type of virus...
I had a friend who was a compulsive liar in middle school. It wasn't as insane as some of the stories here though. As a matter of fact, he got away with it for a while because they were all on the edge of believable and were mostly unverifiable.
Although we always suspected, we realized the truth the day he insisted that halo 1 had a 64 player multiplayer....
I knew a guy in high school who was a compulsive liar. Some of the lies he told:
He was a black belt in (something) and practiced with nunchucks for hours every day. No surprise, no one had ever seen his nunchucks, and they were always somewhere else when we asked about them.
He claimed he had a stack of Elvis records two feet high, given to him by Elvis himself, which were made out of solid gold. Nope, we couldn't see them, they were "in storage" or "in the attic".
He said there was a 50,000 (yes, fifty thousand) watt pirate radio station in a friends's backyard. No, he didn't know the frequency. No, we couldn't tune in, they were "down for maintenance" right then.
He said he was best friends with members of the band Rush, and could get backstage passes to any of their shows. Rush later came through our area. For some reason, he was unable to get backstage passes, or even tickets.
Years later he called me up, claiming he owned multiple businesses, traveled all over the world, had five mansions and a fleet of cars. I didn't even bother asking to see it, just nodded "uh huh" and "that's nice" until I had to go.
If he told me water was wet, I'd seek independent verification because it's probably not true.
Guy who I considered an acquaintance wouldn't shut up about his band that he was doing vocals for, and how great they were. Finally I asked him to give some proof, gave me his "bands" "demo CD", it was literally the demo numbers from Cradle of Filth, not even pitch changed or anything. It was so obvious that he was lying, eventually he just stopped talking about the so called "band".
I broke the end of my femur (bone) when I was ~19 in a freak accident. While I was laying on the ground trying to figure out what happened, I tried to get my leg to move, but it wasn't reacting to my brains commands. It was pretty weird.
So when my cousin's friend tried to tell me that he broke the middle of his femur while skiing (hit a patch of ice and slammed into a tree), and then skied down to the lodge, I called BS. He swore it was true but, afaik, breaking your femur can kill you. I never hung out with that guy again...
Oh loads. That he was rich, he was essentially the trust holder to a baby's fortune from where the child's parents had died in a car accident. I'm not sure how that made him rich if he was the trust holder, but okay.
He received a soccer scholarship to another school that he got by lying about both of his torn ACLs. Unsurprisingly, he never transferred.
He could apparently bench press 400lbs. This dude was like 5' 9", out of shape and weighed around 180-200lbs.
He told his family (and his current girlfriend???) that he and I had dated and that's why he spent so much time at my house, because apparently he couldn't have a female friend.
Oh my god, I ran into him at the local hookah bar like 6 months after I stopped talking to him and he showed me this huge wall of text in his iPhone notes telling a story about how he'd saved a girl from getting raped over the weekend. At the time, I assumed he'd written it down because the hookah bar was loud but no that shit was pre written.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 15:47:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
An ex-boyfriend repeatedly told me a story about how he'd got the 7th highest results in the country (UK) on his SATs. He said his photo and an article about how brainy he is were published in the local newspaper. Well, I found this hard to believe as he wasn't very intelligent at all. When I eventually met his mother, I asked her about this. You'd think if your son had got the 7th highest exam marks in the country and been featured in the newspaper, you'd remember it. Maybe even have kept the newspaper clipping. But no. His mother had no idea what I was talking about and said it had never happened.
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 18:26:21 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
You fucked him so I guess you're the dumb one, eh?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:29:16 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
What makes you think I "fucked" him? Looks like you're the dumb and slutty one if you fuck everyone you date.
Ihura · 1 points · Posted at 15:48:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dude I knew in high school, says he's a trained CIA operative with the highest security clearance possible(which is how he knows chem trails are real( he also can't wait till he's a millionaire again! so he can feed the homeless and have sex with strippers with his 11 3/4 inch cock.
Eliju · 1 points · Posted at 15:48:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My ex told everyone at my friends one night that she had SIDS as a child. Also that she was struck by lightning.
I can kind of believe the giant shit, because I've been in the bathroom after my brother a few times and there has been a shit nearly as long as my arm just chilling in the toilet.
Never shouted "Shit devil! Shit devil!" though, so overall the experience was about a -1/10
rylos · 1 points · Posted at 15:48:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In my town they had an entire drug dealer investigation hinge on the words of a known compulsive liar. Compulsive, as in, if you asked him what time it was, he'd look at his watch, then tell you whatever time popped into his head. I'd run into this guy a few times. If I was on a jury, and he was the witness, I'd assume that whatever went down was anything BUT what he stated.
He did everything he could to keep from actually showing up in court to testify, finally skipped town. There are several articles about it, here's one (scroll down to "35 ARRESTED DESPITE BUMBLING WAYS OF INFORMANT"): http://www.fear.org/guilty4.html
My roomate who was my ex's best friend didn't have a job, never left his room, and owed us three months rent. He magically announced he was getting a engagement ring for his gf immediately after I showed him the small necklace my ex got me for my birthday. He said had one more payment to make on it.
He went back into his room after we bitched him out about not paying us and came back out about 20 mins and said he returned the ring and had to give the money to his cousin that was dying of cancer.
How he magically managed to do this in a bedroom without leaving, a phone, nor internet is beyond me.
My sister, 17-years-old, and lies about e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.
The most memorable would be the time (2010) my grandmother (legal guardian) assigned her and my other siblings to clean out the van, and entrusted her with the keys.
Instead of actually cleaning the car, they snuck off to a friends house, and my sister actually left the doors and trunk wide open with the car keys in the front seat, plain as day.
I hurriedly locked up the car and told my grandmother, who called the friend's house and adamantly demanded to speak to my sister. She asked her why she absconded and left the car open with the keys in there, and she denied it. My grandmother asked her if she had the car keys with her, and she said yes. She asked why she was lying, she replied "I'm not lying! I have the car keys right here! I'm looking at them right now, I have the car keys!" Keep in mind that I had the car keys in my hand at home the whole time. Once she arrived home, my grandmother made her stand in the living room until she admitted that she left the keys in the car and the car completely open and abandoned.
She refused to admit and maintained that she had the keys even though she was unable to produce them. After about 3 hours, I grew tired of the charade and showed that we knew she was lying because I had the keys.
Even then, she still tried to evade responsibility.
One of the managers at work was a police officer who worked in two cities thousands of miles away from each other, was shot 4 times and makes 75k a year off of being medically retired. He's also got a bachelor's degree in business management, was a firefighter, is a professional level chef who was personally trained by Gordon Ramsey. And was in the military. And works on over a thousand cars a month. While working full time at an auto parts store.
There was one dude at my camp, and he was interesting
-Claimed to be a hermaphrodite, but had no clue about how the female reproductive system worked at all
-Claimed to be a martial arts master and to have gouged out a kid's eyes in third grade
-Claimed that his mother worked at Area 51 and was such a good liar that she could convince world leaders to start a nuclear war
-Claimed that he knew government secrets but would have to kill you if he told you
-Claimed to have a cousin whose mouth was split into 4 sections
-Claimed to be a genius who got 8 scholarships to Yale and Harvard for biology in 7th Grade and that the headmasters fought over who would get him
MsLino · 1 points · Posted at 15:50:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A classmate told us that her neighbours won the lottery, got super rich and bought iTunes cards with all the money they won. They always give her some so she can buy many things on iTunes. I pitied that girl
I had a friend that I met right after I got home after basic training and AIT. I was a complete idiot and idolized this guy for a summer (I was 18). He was a trained army infantry sniper who had eye issues and was recovering back at home and was going to go back as soon as he was better. At his basic training they put everyone in a bus and shot CS gas canisters at them. Many many more I can't remember now because it's been so long, the guy was complete horseshit and my highschool crush was so into him. Fuck that guy.
He told me that Pixar attempted to recruit him directly out of high school because he was an animation prodigy. They offered him $200,000 a year directly out of high school, but he wanted to "further his education" and went to college instead.
My room mate from freshman year was a compulsive and pathological liar, and claimed to be of Hungarian and German ancestry. She told me that during WWII, the Hungarian side of her family had to flee from Europe to America because they would face certain death at the hands of the German side of her family, who wanted to kill the Hungarian family members because - get this - they were not blonde enough.
I girl I was talking to in college told me early in the courtship that she had stomach cancer. She told me one day that she had a chemo treatment that afternoon and could not make our planned lunch together. I went out that evening and bumped into her at as she was crushing cocktails. I walked out baffled and horrified that she had duped me with such a disturbing lie. Spoke to a few other friends that had known her and all had similar stories on equally crazy lies.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 15:53:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
She told me she was actually Russian and that she had been adopted. Her parents had a scrapbook of pictures right after she was born, including her mom's hospital wristband dated with her birthday.
Too bad I'm kind of late because I've known a couple of people that have provided an endless amount of crazy obvious lies.
1st person: She was a high-end hooker that happened to be my neighbor. We didn't know she was a hooker at first but it became pretty obvious after a while. I was in college at the time living in an affordable studio apartment and the hooker had a 1 bedroom. Despite this, she told us that she was actually married to a millionaire and that she had this apartment to "get away" and have her private space. All her clothes, bags, etc. were branded. When she had money she threw it around on her bed. She was actually nice so my friends and I put up with the lies- especially since she would take us all out to dinner and would randomly buy us things. We were college kids and here was this woman who took us to expensive restaurants claiming her husband owned them... and she often knew the managers and knew the menus by heart. The weird thing was that she was able to prove some of her lies. lol But she also told us that her parents were friends with Oprah and she had all sorts of stories about playing golf with Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman.
She said her husband didn't want her to drive so she had a driver... and lo and behold she had a driver! My guess is that she was a mistress to someone and he let her borrow his driver sometimes. She would take us places in that car and point at random houses or apartments claiming it was her property. There were SO MANY STORIES. I began calling it the "hername Syndrome" and anyone I meet that make up grand lies I refer to as having that syndrome.
There are funnier stories but I'm late to this so it wont be seen. Maybe next time.
Another woman is a current neighbor. She is so good at lying that she ended up on a local main news channel featuring her and all her lies. Things were either not true or grossly exaggerated. She was claiming all sorts of things and the news station just accepted all of this as truth. She would also lie about the most random things like, "I bought these candle holders in New York and it was such a hassle bringing them back here!" when there were stickers at the bottom that showed they were made locally (Asian country).
my friend told me he was born with his ear piercing when I asked where he recommends I should get mine.
funniest shit to laugh about with my best friend
One kid said that his friend from his old school stole a gun and shot 5 people. I asked where and where. He said last spring in Denver. Absolutely no news, nothing about a mass shooting in Denver during that time period.
Probably too late for this, but a guy I knew my freshman year of college had a few pretty incredible whoppers. I don't remember his actual name, but we all called him 'Sketch,' because he was sketchy as hell.
When Sketch was 4 years old, he was playing (in the street, apparently) and was hit by two cars at once. Apparently they had a head-on collision and he was pinned in between the cars. His leg was 'shattered,' and would never work again. Obviously he went to the ER, and was given the following three options:
1) Amputation
2) Nothing. The doctors would just leave it, and he'd have (his words) "a Jell-o leg" for the rest of his life.
3) Fly to London to meet a specialist. The specialist will remove his shattered bones and build him a titanium leg. Which is what he did. AND, the titanium leg had perfect hydraulics and could grow with the rest of his body.
I had a buddy that lied to all of our friends like it was nothing.
A few off the top of my head:
He was working at a specific Home Depot. Interestingly, cause I had been working at that one for four months. Even after I said I asked around for whatever department he was in he said he was new and no one really knew him yet.
Another was he was working at a local hospital despite no medical background and no one seeing him there.
Several lies about women but we'd never see him take girls home, despite him actually having game at the bar.
He had been "buying" a house for about 2 years.
He graduated with a computer science degree from a well known university despite it being outside his current career field and no one knowing he was going or no "hey I'm finally graduated" pics. Or diploma.
Then again, he just got arrested for child pornography. So maybe the lies shouldn't be a huge surprise.
This one girl I grew up with stole my mom’s diamond wedding ring while at my house for a sleep over. She insisted that I showed her where it was and encouraged her to take it. She then also insisted that she saw my dad wearing a speedo once and that a girl from our school had cancer.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 15:58:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My dad told me that Eurythmics wanted him to play with them but he turned them down. Told me this happened sometime in the mid-1970s when he was around 17 years old, living in a hick town in the northeastern United States, and before they'd actually formed the band.
"That one kid" in our neighborhood who was friends with my little brother said "My great-great-great-great-grandfather was Elvis". This was about 15 years ago, only 65 years after Elvis's birth... he and his progeny must have started early.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 15:58:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not a friend (there's no way I'd want to be either), but a guy who gets my bus.
1) Says he's in the marines. He actually washes pots in the pub.
2) Claimed that his friend threw a throwing knife at him, but a Nokia brick saved his life.
3) Apparently he has to take 5 morphine pills before playing rugby because he's too aggressive.
4) Claims to have had to been held back by 5 people because he was going to kill his teacher after he got in a fight with him.
5) Smokes "weed" and tries to make a point of it, as if we'd think more highly of him or something.
amiso · 1 points · Posted at 15:59:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So we have this guy David at work. So far what we've been told is...
He got called to audition for Fast and Furious 8. Later on in the shift he got the part. How he auditioned without even leaving work is beyond me.
He's a rapper and opened for Rihanna.
He's 25 and has two medical degrees and a firefighting degree. Do those even exist?
He's starred in Gone in 60 Seconds.
He was on Survivor.
He has won two world strongman competitions in a row. Which is hilarious because he's stick thin.
He dated our boss but she broke up with him so that they could work together.
I'm sure I'll remember more. I'm on mobile at work right now so I can't update until later.
Worked in a pub kitchen for a while, and we had this guy who liked to tell stories -- let's call him "Jeff".
For those who don't know, Friday night is a shitshow in the kitchen of any popular restaurant. One Friday I was working the morning shift (open at 9:00 AM), supposed to be done by 5:00. Well, Jeff calls in and says he has an "emergency wisdom tooth removal" and can't come into work. Coincidentally, it was the same night his buddy wanted to go out to the casino.
Since I'm already there, they get me to cover, and I ended up working until about 9:00 PM -- that's 12 hours (/r/Ididthemath).
The next day I was scheduled for another open, so I'm there at 9:00 AM...and guess who shows up at 10:00 AM?
Fucking Jeff, of course.
He looks me right in the eye, knowing I had to cover his shift the night before, and somehow has the fucking audacity to touch his jaw, as if it hurt from the "emergency wisdom tooth removal" he had the night before.
I know a guy named Brendan. He told my friends and I that he took pictures for his weather station, he was like 15 when he told us this. He then sends my friend a picture of some lightning he took. The picture had a time stamp from 2006, he would have been 6 then... I have more stories about him so if people like this I'll tell more.
A guy at an SCA event tried to convince some of us that he'd written his own operating system that was a combination of Linux and Windows. This was back in the 9x era. To confirm that he was entirely and unrepentantly full of shit I started asking him if the OS had this-or-that made-up-on-the-spot feature, features that were impossible as they were self-contradictory. Software-equivalents of "intermittent open-short to ground" sort of thing. He answered in the affirmative the whole time.
Of course being an SCA event without a computer in-sight there was no way for him to show us his unicorn of software development.
I fucking dated a pathological liar, one of those people who just can't have a conversation without trumping up some fantastic story for, i don't know, attention I guess? Even though it's just us talking and I'm already giving her attention?
My favorites were:
She was pregnant with an ex-boyfriend's baby, but then as soon as she realized I would actually take her to an abortion clinic she magically had a miscarriage (at what would have been the one month point in the pregnancy) and never mentioned it again
She could type with her toes faster than her hands
She'd received $70,000 from Russian gangsters to write the world's greatest computer virus but the money was in a foreign account and she was afraid to access it
She had illegal whale meat in her freezer
She was "internet friends" with just about every celebrity you could name
She dated a blind guy, a fireman, an ex-spec ops agent, a CIA mole, a porn star, and all before I met her, which was at the age of 19.
When I was in middle school, this kid told me he was a vampire. He was a "suicidal vampire" and he committed suicide three times, but came back to life a month later each time. He also said that his parents were Greek gods/goddesses and they didn't approve of him being a vampire and they hated him. This kid CARVED MY NAME INTO HIS ARM WITH A PENCIL because he was in love with me.
A chick I went to high school with told me she got diagnosed with cancer at the school nurses office. I asked what type of cancer. She replied, "oh the one you get treatment for". Ok. She also said that she slit her wrist to try to commit suicide and had to get her stomach pumped. Oh and she had rich grandparents that lived in Hollywood and were friends with the kardashians.
Guiken · 1 points · Posted at 16:02:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My wife's friend "got kicked out of the pride parade because she's wasn't a lezbo" in her own words -_-
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:02:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That their Dad has a sniper gun that can shoot a Christmas ornament off a tree from over 300 miles away. This was 10 years ago and I still laugh about it frequently.
I knew a guy who said his grandpa was killed by the "real" Leatherface. Back when the Texas Chainsaw reboot came out it said "based on a true story." I remember buying the special edition DVD that included a documentary on the real killer. It was not based on a true story, Leatherface was inspired by Ed Gein in Wisconsin. I showed the guy this documentary and said "How about that, there was no real Texas Chainsaw Massacre." He stuck to his guns though, never backed down. I'm sure if I were to ask him about it today he'd still tell me it's the truth.
After cheating on his wife and getting caught writing love letters, and texts for months, he told his wife and family he made a big mistake and would make it up to them. Only to change his story 2 weeks later and insist he was raped by her.
I had a ex-friend who claimed that she had once studied to be a nun. I was naive back then and I believed everything she said because, hey, who would lie about being a nun. I asked her, "Oh, which order?" (Order meaning which branch of nuns.) She looks at me and go, "Oh....we don't have orders of nuns in Peru. (She was Peruvian.) That's an American thing."
That was the first time I doubted her. After that I started to question everything she said and found holes everywhere. We didn't stay friends long after. I couldn't and can't stand being lied to. So, I stopped being her friend because she couldn't be bothered to look up an order of nuns to lie about.
Back when minecraft was becoming popular, I knew someone who said that they worked for Mojang and were related to pretty much every minecraft youtuber.
I suffer from pathological lying, although I have gotten better at managing it.
The most ridiculous story that I kept going for a good year (some people may even still believe it) was that part of my family had died in a arctic accident while on an expedition.
Honestly, I dont know if anyone bought it, but that is probably the most ridiculous situation I wound up in.
Most of my pathological lying is just trivial bullshit; like I saw that movie, the blank person said X on the news!
Dxxx2 · 1 points · Posted at 16:07:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A used to have a friend from college who was a good friend a mine, at least until the day he started to impress a friend of mine he wanted to date. He was going to school for networking for a career in network security, so he would come up with ridiculous scenerios related to "hacking" whenever we're all together to make him seem "cool".
This one day we were all at a bar, he kept saying how the NSA was after him and found his apparent Swiss Bank account full of his "millions of dollars that he cannot withdraw due to all the funds being illegal" (needless to say this guy always tried to get out of splitting a bill). He commented that a buddy of his was putting his hard drive in acid to wipe all his data since his dorm room might be raided while he's asleep. He kept this up all night and would always make a comment about it or move the conversation back to it. This was his most outrageous story but they all always revolved around hacking or "the dark net".
I had other friends in networking, they said this kid could barely pass his classes and was a shitty programmer.
I don't hang out with him anymore, let alone be friends with him, but I saw him a few months ago after college. Said he was given a job as a CIO for a company but he had to turn it down due to having to finish a college. Knew that was BS, because he working as a bitch intern with a buddy of mine at a IT company.
He also said he owns part of a pick lot set. It's a fucking Phillips head screw driver.
Kid i grew up with always would tell me how he's always banging all these girls. I never really believed him because i've never seen any of the girls. To this very day he's still banging all these chicks although now i sort of believe him because he's got 3 kids all from different women.
I am a youth group advisor at my church. One time a kid said her friend had just died in a mass shooting a few days before. She told us all about the friend. We didn't have any reason to disbelieve her, and the mass shooting she referred to had actually occurred. So we were very sympathetic, told the minister, who reached out to her family, etc.
Of course, the thing about mass shootings is that the victims' names get released. I went looking for the friend. He wasn't there. The youth advisor mentioned it to the kid's mother, who said that the kid does this a lot. She changed youth groups and told the next one she was a ballerina.
That he a (23yr old) committed his first murder when he was 14 but his cousin took the blame and has been in jail for 20 years for it. And his body count is 'massive now'. Also he is a certified priest. Is related to pretty much everyone if not related by blood by marriage somehow. Literally almost everything he says is a lie . You dont beleive a word he says unless its backed up with evidence.
My sister used to lie about things all the time. A vacation we went on, meeting someone famous, a great party that we went to. She would tell these stories to her friends to try and seem cooler than she was. The part I hated most was when she tried to get me to go along with her. I didn't want to out her and be a dick, but I also didn't want to deal with the consequences later. On the other hand, I refused to go along with her because all that lying made me uncomfortable. I usually ended up saying I wasn't born yet or with her at all at the time. One of the only perks to being younger than her at the time.
A kid I went to high school with told me he went to a shooting range with his dad one weekend. He went on to say that they shot m16s and then used the grenade launcher to blow up a cow in a field.
This kid lied about everything. Always telling bullshit stories that were obviously made up. He got that reputation throughout high school.
My half cousin that I haven't heard from for about two years that has always been sort of a compulsive liar just told me she graduated med school when I asked her what she's been up to.
This guy was from Canada. And if you saw him you would think he was more of from the Bayou. But he swore he was a SEAL and had Hussein in his sights during the first Desert Storm and President Clinton himself called him on his radio and told him to stand down.
An old roommate of mine tried to convince me the reason my dress shirts were crumpled up in his closet was due to someone breaking in to our apartment rather than him having borrowed them without asking.
That'd he'd legit slept with over 1000 women. He was 21 at the time.
thudly · 1 points · Posted at 16:13:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I used to know this girl from a small town near my city. She told me this big huge story about how this guy in her town tried to rape her, and when she outed him about it, the whole town ostracized her. She was getting death threats, etc. I felt horrible for her, so I told her if she wants to crash at my place temporarily, she can. Nobody should have to deal with that shit.
Anyway, she accepted the offer, but made herself a little too cozy at my place. It was supposed to be a temporary arrangement where she found a local job and got her own place, but she wound up staying for months. I didn't want to pressure her because she kept playing that old victim card.
After a few months, I was getting impatient. So I started moving up from subtle hints to real conversations about her situation, and then up to ultimatums about at least having some sort of plan. Well, suddenly she comes home sobbing one night and tells me my cousin tried to rape her. Basically, the same situation as at her own town. I talked to him the next day, and the first thing he did was apologize to me for "Making a pass at my girl." I said, "She's not my girl. She's just staying here." He says, "Oh! She told me she was your girl when I tried to kiss her. So I backed off right away." Honestly, I believed him. He's not the type to lie. Basically all he did was lean in for a kiss and somehow that translated into "trying to rape her".
I called her bluff when she came home later. I said, "Don't worry, it's all taken care of. I called the cops and they arrested my cousin. They're going to be here soon to take your statement and take you to get a rape kit done." She just turned white as sheet and started back-pedaling hard. "Well, I don't actually remember anything. I had a few beers. I... I... maybe he..." I just told her she could tell it to the cops when they got here. She just kept saying she didn't really remember. It was all hazy, etc. And then she was mad at me, like as if I'd ruined everything by getting the cops involved. I told her, "Are you fucking nuts? He tried to rape you! He needs to be in jail and you need to tell the whole world your story." She ran to her room crying. I later told her they'd come to the door and agreed to drop the charges because she supposedly didn't remember anything. It was total bullshit, but at least it convinced her that I didn't fuck around with accusations like that. She might have done it to other friends of mine, or even me at some point.
Meanwhile, while all this other drama was going on, she also told me I'd gotten her pregnant. We'd slept together at one point, and supposedly, she was pregnant. She went to the doctor with my sister-in-law for a test, and came home and told me the news. Well, I figured my life was over now, everything was all set in stone.
Then one night she goes out drinking with the girls. I was pissed. After I got off the phone I called up my brother to rant about it. That idiot is out DRINKING! She's gonna give that damn kid FAS!" My brother was like, "What kid?" I was like, "She's pregnant. Didn't your woman tell you?" and he's like, "She's not pregnant. The test was negative. Andrea said she even argued with the doctor, saying, 'It has to be! It has to be positive!' and the doctor just said, no."
Anyway, long story short, she came home to find all her stuff on the front lawn. I never saw her again. But I got random phone calls at all hours of the night for years after, from friends of hers saying, "She lost the baby because she had cervical cancer, you heartless fuck!" At first I would argue with them that there never was a baby, but eventually I just changed my number. She gave me one poke on facebook when facebook first launched and I blocked her. I'm sure she's still telling people the same bullshit stories to this day.
Moral of the story, don't stick your dick in crazy.
I used to work for my friend's dad and his mom lies or exaggerates about almost everything. The alarm went off in our office while I was finishing a night shift because one of the managers went into the back building early in the morning and didn't know the alarm code as the two buildings have different codes. The police came and asked me about it then went to the back to take a look, talked to the manager for a minute then left. I talked to my friend's mom later and she tried to tell me a story that the police had the manager in handcuffs and were going to take him to jail until I talked them out of it after 30 minutes of aurguing with them and how lucky he was that I was there. Everyone knows she lies about things but I couldn't believe she was trying to lie about a story to me, that was about me, when she was never even there. I just sat there starring at her dumbfounded.
tj1226 · 1 points · Posted at 16:14:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He told us he made out with Chris Evans. Even if Chris Evens is gay he wouldn't be into this dude.
Has 7 million dollars but still complains about money all the time.
He made that money selling anime figurines online.
He has a data center in his basement where he hosts all sorts of anime related media.
He threw his flash drive off a skyscraper and ran over it with his car to prove how durable it is.
He placed second in some fairly unknown japanese card game world tournament
He told our company's Vice President to "Shut up" to his face
He tries to convince me he plays an MMO that I have played for years that he obviously has never even looked at.
The sad thing is, calling out and proving beyond a doubt that they are lying doesn't stop them from lying in the future. It just makes them resent you. When you have to work with one of these people, you don't want to have them on bad terms, but it's hard to just let them ramble on forever. It's kind of insulting that they would think you are so stupid to believe them.
When he was a freshman he told everyone in our fraternity he just decided to take the bar exam one day and passed.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:15:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When I was younger at school a friend said her dog had run away and all our friends offered to make missing posters. This went on for a week and just before people were going to start making the posters, she said that her dog had been found in the park opposiye my house. That bit was fairly believable because I don't know what happens in the park 24/7, but then she said that there were loads of police cars there to save her dog
She also said that her mum was hospitalized and her dad had broken both his legs and his arm, which is why she and her brother had to do all the housework. Later that week my dad saw her dad and asked him if he was alright. Her dad just gave my dad a blank stare.
2006, I broke up with my compulsive liar girlfriend. She kept finding reasons to call me. One of them was "I'm at a model shoot in Florida, just want to see how you are". My caller ID showed that it was from her parents home phone.
She also called me telling me she won the lottery.
Not a ridiculous story. Thankfully I've forgotten most of the BS she spewed. But an appalling story nonetheless. My best friend from junior high and high school slept with my husband while we were seperated. He told me when we were trying to make amends and she still denied it because even though she and her husband had an open relationship, she didn't tell him so it was still cheating. She held out for a month before finally admiting it but she insisted i shouldn't be mad because i knew she was lying.
I made an offhand comment to a colleague that I do not fare well in the heat.
He then proceeded to tell me that his base temperature is permanently elevated by about 4 degrees. That regular cooling gear isn't strong enough for him. And that he once survived several days with a fever that would have killed any other man in 8 minutes, which confounded his doctors, until he told them of his amazing medical condition.
My brother in-law is the biggest liar I've ever met. Constant one upping everyone stories, and correcting you on everything because he has worked in that field that you are talking about at that time. He has had a thousand jobs from building homes, to being a marine, a rehab consoler, the list goes on. The best job he has had was when he told me he helped invent HAARP.
Oh, God. I have a friend... These are the ones I remember the most:
-"I'm friends with Travis Pastrana, and the nitro circus people."
-"I'm the first person to ever back flip a monster truck" (proceeds to show me a video of someone back flipping a monster truck, claiming it's him in the driver seat).
-Shows me a video of someone hanging out with Nitro Circus people and back flipping monster truck, claims it was him.
-"I'm Jonathan Davis' (lead singer of KoRn) brother, I was adopted and our parents kept Jon."
-"I went to Vegas this last weekend and got drunk, married a Mexican stripper who just wants citizenship, and we got it annulled."
-"My gf is pregnant." I heard this one about 20 times in 8 months. Every time, though, he either "found out" they were lying because they wanted to trap him into marriage because he's rich (he's not rich, his dad is rich. He will be rich when his dad dies.) OR they "miscarried" OR they were cheating on him and it wasn't his.
-"I can read minds and change the weather." We were standing on a dock, late at night. And he asked me if I wanted him to either "make lightning flash on the horizon" or "read my mind". He failed at both.
-"I broke my neck."
Not. Even. Kidding. This guy is ridiculous. I basically only keep in contact with him because I know he's a massive liar and it actually really entertains me to hear his newest shit.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:16:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A friend said that his dad swam from Cornwall to Spain without stopping lol
Guy i used to work with claimed that he was trying to cross a river in his truck but it ended up being to deep, instead of sinking though, he claimed that his tires were so big that he just floated to the other side.
Same guy claimed to have mowed down a herd of elk with a fully automatic Ak-47.......from 1,000 yds.
also lies about being a marine.
Kid in highschool claimed he could punch 5 times in a second, at some point or another we ended up playing the stupid game of 'Rights' (take turns hitting each other in the right arm with th right fist until someone gives up), i beat him fair and square, a mutual friend told me later that he said he held back, the only reason he quit was because he would have "broken my arm" if he would have hit any harder, he also denied showing us his 5 punches in one second because he said his sensei did not approve of public displays of technique, and he could be arrested because it was too dangerous, also claimed his dad bought him a dodge viper for his birthday, he never drove it......not even once.Because it didnt exist, because he was a psycho and made his entire life up. those were just a few of those 2 guys stories.
Girl at my work who used to work at Victoria Secret when she was 15 told us her manager came up to her and asked can they do a shot of her bum in underwear for the main page of the website. Instead of all their models they chose a 15 year old doing work experience in a small outlet in London to have her underage bum on the most famous underwear website. I have my doubts though...
This kid moved from Texas to our high school in PA. Since the day I met him, all he talked about was how he was in mafia before and needed to find the Pittsburgh mafia. If they were an Irish mafia, he could be one of the top guys because he had a lot of Irish blood.
Mostly I was just annoyed with him because I didn't like the way "mafia" sounded in his accent.
My husband had a coworker who told obvious fake stories. One was that he caught a 150 lb wild salmon. Another was he took an IQ test when he graduated high school and his score was so high that Mensa contacted him. A coworker of mine had tons of obvious lies but the only one I remember was that a dentist told her she was born with cavities in her baby teeth, which were still up in the gums. Another coworker who was probably 25 at the time had a fictitious fiancé. We worked in a garment printing factory and our department was all young women. We all had boyfriends and she must've felt the need to keep up. If I told her my date took me on a Harley ride she'd one up me. "Oh Chris did have that Harley but he sold it and bought a better one." The kicker was when she told us all she got engaged and showed off her ring. It was clearly a big fake diamond, the kind you can buy at Claire's. I asked her to see it and I saw where it had CZ (cubic zirconia) imprinted on the band. None of us ever met Chris and oddly she had no pics and he was not in any of her contacts on her phone (yeah we snooped)
A guy who I knew was currently unemployed told me that his boss was riding dune buggies in Vegas with the cast of Jersey Shore. No reason for it, no one would have been impressed if it was true. It was just a really odd thing to lie about.
We lived in rural VT and I had a classmate that was half black and adopted so he thought that he was hood. Some of the whoppers he told us to look cool.
-He told us he lived in Atlanta, New York, Miami, and Hartford. When in reality his Mom told us he was adopted when he was 2.
-He went to jail for a month because he got caught stealing Jordans from Walmart
-He was regularly abused by his parents, which I wasn't sure was true since I met his parents and had seen how they act at home and I saw no abusive tendencies, but he also talked about it way too casually so I knew it wasn't true.
He worked as a cocktail waiter in Manhattan, despite the fact we worked out he would have been 12 at the time...
or
His electrician "mate" that went to David Beckhams house on Christmas day to fix his broken kettle. Not only did he fix the kettle, which simply had a blown fuse, but also David kindly invited him to stay for the rest of the day with "Vicks and the kids" and gave him a million pounds
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:20:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I work on an ambulance with a guy who is a compulsive liar..I once went on a call for a child delivery with this guy. When we got there, the baby was already delivered so I just cut the cord and we went to the hospital. We housed with a fire crew but did not go with them on this call. They ask me about the call and before I could tell them how I didn't do much, my partner chimes in and tells this whole fantastical story about how I delivered a baby...they then look at me and say "no way, is that true??" And I just said "no" and told them what actually happened...they look at my partner and he back peddles and says "oh ya know, that's what I meant"....douche
Found a skateboard while helping him move... we ask to screw around with it, and he goes on a 15 minute story time about how he actually helped Tony Hawk learn how to skate (despite being younger than tony hawk, and never living anywhere close to where Tony has ever lived).
I liked to draw when i was younger, one time he pulls me aside to tell me about his past career as an animator, and wants to give me some tips.
Another time we are watching sumo wrestling as a one-off on espn or something... goes on to tell my whole family how he was 1 sumo match from being crowned Yokuzuma despite being about 170 pounds, white, and never having been to Japan... but he forfeit his title match because the other guy was so much bigger.
Another time he told my uncle "oh ya, I work in construction, I can fix that" within 10 minutes he fell through my uncles ceiling, because he didnt know you cant walk on drywall.
my old IT teacher loved to weave tall tales of winning sumo tournaments, despite the fact he is skinny as a rake, having his own robot and other such weird and wonderful tales. we all loved him for it.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:21:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A girl I knew in high school told us she fell out of a rollercoaster and survived unscathed. There were other crazy lies but this one was by far the most unbelievable and the one she insisted was true until we graduated, and probably still would to this day
A friend of mine told me that he killed a kid on the football field in high school. We were sitting around with a group of friends just bullshitting after a movie and I'm not sure how we got on the topic, but he started telling us about how he tackled this kid so hard that his ribs punctured his heart.
Now my friend is a big guy, so it might seem believable, but he's a thrower for the track team. I didn't think he had ever played a game of football in his life, and he claims that this event is the reason he wasn't playing in college.
I take out my phone and search for any kind of similar story in time and place he mentioned, and I find nothing. He says the newspapers didn't report on it because it was such a tragedy. My major was journalism, which I didn't need to know that was bullshit. Local papers report on high school sports, and they'll write up just about anything remarkable. Someone getting killed on the football field would be news.
Eventually I just told him I didn't believe him, but he insisted it was true and that he didn't need me to believe him. He's a nice guy, and a great friend, but Christ he's frustrating to deal with sometimes.
I had a roommate that claimed he was engaged to marry nearly every girl he had ever gone to school with from elementary to law school. His biggest secrect was that Haley Mathers was one of his brides. I immediately called bull shit and said to call her if it was true. He said he didnt have her number because his parents arranged the marriagre. He was Indian.
I said to him he is going to be really busy after school with weddings. Probably one everyday for the rest of his life. He said it was going to be one big ceremony where he married all the girls at once. This is only the tip of the iceberg with him. I think he was schizophrenic.
My college roommate said the first time he had sex, he was going doggy-style and he accidentally slipped his dick in the girl's ass and ended up having anal.
He once told me that he had all the Pokemon cards in the world, and when i asked him where he kept them, he told me his little brother buried them in his backyard the night before.
Used to work with a jack of all trades. I met him while working at a small electronics store in a rundown mall. He was the worst employee.. He never showered and on more than one occasion I found him playing second life on his laptop in the backroom while he was supposed to be working. Throughout the few years I had to endure his existence I learned of all of his other supposedly current occupations.
He was in the military and when asked why he hadn't cut his hair or shaved recently I was told he was a JAG officer. They could away with it.
He was a general manager of a prominent yet skeezy nightclub in the area.
He was a law teacher for the local university.
He was a hockey ref for some peewee league in the area.
He was a lobbyist.
We could only ever validate that he worked at our store and Applebee's as a bartender. That one we learned from his dad. He had a pretty good looking fiance too and I will never understand how.
A guy at work would say "I grew up in a foster home with Jessica nigri and she helped me do my homework. But I would never date her she is like my big sister."
The first was my very first college roommate. Her name was Lissa... We think. I found three separate names on her luggage tags (on bags that she left in my room when she moved out, along with ALL HER OTHER SHIT, gross).
She had spent the summer living with one of the people in the theater department, at her parent's house. Then, when the girl showed up at her dorm, Lissa was already there, with a key to the room and THE OTHER GIRL'S LAST NAME. She had told the school they were sisters so that they would be roomed together. The other girl, I think her name was Jessica, was not having it, and Lissa was transferred to live with me.
Lots of lies, but the best one was a running tale about her abusive stalker ex. She was in danger, he was watching and following her, he attacked her last night. We were urging her to go to the authorities, offering to walk her places so she wouldn't be alone... Until one of Jessica's friends told us that on the night Lissa said she had been attacked, the friend saw her. In the back seat of her own car. Strangling herself.
Person two said he used to be a meth addict, and when he woke up one day Jesus had cured his addiction and fixed his teeth.
Some dude named Carlos at my community college makes fake facebook profiles and posts all these cryptic posts to his wall about what a great guy he is.
"Carlos, just wanted to let you know my dad hung a picture of you on the wall of his restaurant. He said there's not a lot of good men out there.. "
One day, I'll compile screen shots and post to /r/thathappened.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:25:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So many stories.
His dad works for a secret company linked to shell, kinda like the bilderberg group. And his dad was asked to join the local mafia. We don't have a mafia, we are literally a crime free small village.
He told his friends that when he'd turn 18, he'd get an audi r8. Haven't seen the car yet.
Made up some illness that he had. We asked him to google it only to find out it was impossible for him to have that illness (kinda like a man having a period idk)
I've never commented before but this is too good to pass up.
I worked with one very interesting guy who made numerous claims. Here's the few a can recall:
He was Nelson Mandela's grandson
He was admitted to Harvard University at the age of 12, becoming a doctor at the age of 18
While attending Harvard he was taken to the basement where he was shown a 'fire breathing lizard'
He wrote multiple songs for Rihanna
He was growing a human hand, from stem cells, in his apartment, to help with a criminal case in which fingerprint identification was essential
He played for England under 16's, naming a number of players whose age ranged from 18 - 24
He would regularly be flown to Hong Kong (we were based in China) to perform emergency brain/heart surgery
The reason he was based in China, teaching science in a high school, was that he was dating an African princess. The media coverage had become too intense and he needed a break, you see.
He was eventually fired after claiming that his football team was playing a friendly match against Indonesia that weekend while telling the boss he needed to fly to South Africa to sort out Mandela's will.
Many in our workplace were hurt that this guy had led them on to such an extent. Others were impressed at his sheer ballsiness. Either way, Dr. "Mandela", we hardly knew ye.
Edited because name
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:27:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There was a kid in my sister's 8th grade class who told me that he did Boy Scouts for a couple years then quit. He then told me that he also earned Eagle in that time. That's literally impossible because there are some requirements that require you to hold a position for 6 month or be active in the troop for 6 months, etc. To clarify, I was 16 at the time, recruiting for my troop. I had been in Boy Scouts for 4 years and still hasn't earned Eagle.
One of my coworkers was a very bad liar. He tried to convince me one time that he had a fully automatic Uzi in his truck. I asked to see it and he said no.
I have many. Guy on my submarine, from Texas (because of course he is), was the biggest pathological liar I've ever met. Here's the first story he ever told me:
In Australia, there is a close cousin to the wild boar called the Oppelboar. It has curved tusks like a regular boar, but it has one nifty defense mechanism - it will climb trees to escape predators. It jumps up high enough to hook a low branch with its tusks, and kick away the predator.
Also, it migrates to Japan yearly, stopping over in Guam for a rest.
An ex girlfriend would tell me that she was going to hang out with friends every other weekend. Turns out she had some side guys and one of them was a friend I never mentioned . He showed me all the shit they recorded and did. Broke up afterwards.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:27:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Im late to the party but I guy I know told EVERYONE he was married while we were overseas together. Turns out he was only dating her, but absolutely insisted to everyone he was married. what a weird lie.
I know this one kid, he use to be a good friend of mine. I couldn't take his lies anymore. Every word that came out was a lie, and he knew it. Even, though it was a lie he would just go about it so passionately I started to wonder if he even thought it was real. Everything story from, his grandparents had a trust fund setup for a million dollars he couldn't touch till he was 21 all the way down to managing a now popular band "before they were big." The biggest lie came after he got married to this awesome girl I met. They moved to Texas after 2 years of being married, (we live in Minnesota.) They have a kid and two years later (last summer) they got a divorce. He moved back, and told everyone that his wife had cheated on him and won't let him see his kids at all. All this terrible stuff about her. I went to the source and called her up, since we were still good friends. Turns out, he cheated on her, got arrested for accepting a bribery and he gave up his parental rights so he didn't have to pay child support (tried to but the judge said fuck off your paying.) She found out about what he was saying to everyone, called him up and said I posted on Facebook what really happened. Since, she has custody, the one week a year he gets to see them will be supervised by her and if she gets one child payment check late I'm going to a judge. He works at Mcdonalds and whenever I go in and he is working I smile and laugh
A guy that I used to work with was the biggest liar I have ever met:
He claimed he got an "80 out of 81" score as a marksman in the military. Several other former soldiers (and a quick internet search) indicated marksmanship doesn't work anything like that
He claimed he played minor league baseball for a year. Baseball people keep the most obsessive records of any group, and have for over 100 years, but there are NO records of him.
He claimed he was offered a GM position at a major hotel, but decided to move here (1500 miles away) and work for us instead. The position he got was basically entry-level, and in a totally different field.
He claimed to be able to deadlift a massive amount of weight. One of our other coworkers decided it sounded like bullshit and Googled it; the weight would've been a world record by several hundred pounds.
He apparently lived in many different cities, but isn't old enough for any of the timelines to even remotely add up
When he got a new job (shortly before likely being let go for general ineptitude), he told us his new job had 6-8% raises every quarter, that he could travel "when he wanted to" and that he had 8-10 "directs" (presumably meaning direct reports). None of these were true.
Used to be "friends" with this guy who was known to be lying all the fucking time. The shit he would say would be the most untrustworthy shit ever. For example,
His dad apparently was going to buy him, his mother, and 2 brother first class tickets on an airplane to the US, which he said would cost 30K usd, yeh noones going to belive your dads paying an average workers salary for first fucking class tickets on an airplane which he said was only for a single trip.
As this guy kept lying, it wasn't that hard to figure out he was a virgin, however one day he comes to school bragging fucking hardcore how he lost his virginity, and not only did he lose his virginity, he apparently made her squirt all over him, during his first time, "like a water sprinkler".
This guy was such a notorious liar that i told my gf about him, so one day we're sitting on the back of the bus, this guy and a friend of mine walks by, we greet eachother and they get behind us. I point my finger towards my mouth to let my girlfriend overhear his shit. It litterary took less than 2 minutes before he starts going of on how he one time spent 150$ under 4 hours (wtf?), the other guy replied he actually spent 650$ once in under 2hours. Then it gets all quiet. Then i hear him angrily say "yeh well i spent 1500$ in under 30 min last week". My girlfriends eyes started to tear up, you know the feeling when you tell someone something and you want to prove it to them, and everything just falls into plan accordingly, yeh that was it. She burst out laughing and so did i. They both went quiet behind us but never dared to asked us why.
Don't miss that motherfucker a single bit, compulsive liar, kept spreading rumors about others, he jumped out of school to start pursuing a career at, and listen to this, Mcdonalds. Everyone in our class told him he shouldn't, i told him to follow his heart.
This kid in my high school would pull out the weirdest shit from time to time. He once told us he was being scouted by the Florida Dolphins but had a back injury. He was 15, and weighed about 110 lbs. Another story he swore by was that Jennifer Lopez was his baby sitter, and he got signed to bad boy records. He was the one that introduced Jennifer and Puffy to each other. He also received a 10 million dollar scholarship to Julliard, and lived in a mansion. He threw a birthday party for himself, and I went, because I wanted free liquor, and it was revealed he lived in section 8 housing.
My grandmother on my father's side is by far the worst in my life. I spent a lot of my early life with her because she adored me and my brother so much (We're her only grandchildren) but for some reason any time my mother was out of earshot she would tell me how my mother was awful or a lazy and useless wife and stole my father's hard earned money. One example of this is when she told me the piano at my other grandmother's home (in China) was bought with my father's money and how he shouldn't had have to paid that expense since he doesn't get any benefit from it. I asked my mother and she said she bought it before she even met my father.
Otherwise she likes to bitch about completely random shit like how my aunt apparently uses too much toilet paper(?????????).
I had a roommate in college who told me he used to be a sniper in the marines and he killed a bunch of top level people, although he wasn't allowed to tell me who or how many. He also told me he cured his mono by mowing the lawn in 100 degree weather and sweating it out.
I worked with a serious compulsive liar in high school. She told me she met *NSYNC and when they were in Chicago, Justin Timberlake would call her up and have her go shopping with him. Also he was going to take her to prom, but then he couldn't because they were touring in Europe at the time. I ran into someone about five years later who also knew this girl and joyfully, she had updated her stories to whatever boy band was popular at that time. She would give the most minute details when she would spin her stories and it was so difficult to keep a straight face.
No matter where N is, he gets crazy high paying job offers from random people. He might be in a gym and will interject himself into a conversation between 2 people he doesn't know & this results in a job offer worth six figures. He might be at a casino & a multi millionaire will shout him a night of drinks & hookers. In real life he's the office boy at some shit company. Saddest part is his parents tend to believe him.
This guy at work swore he regrew his finger when he had an accident when he was young. Said he used his mind and that you can control your body and master it if you use the right mindset. He also said he hasn't been vaccinated (which is a lie clearly because they wouldn't have given him the job as we have to deal with a lot of children) and is immune to aids....we all just call him "Lizard King"
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:32:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My co-worker is a chronic liar. She constantly calls in sick and gives excuses such as "I have a family reunion to go to I just found out about" or "my mother-in-law's niece is graduating today" (she's not married by the way). How do we know she is always lying about these things? She posts on Facebook about how she's "at home relaxing" or "out at the mall" or something different than what she said she's doing. Here's the best one... she is currently on disability leave from my job for some leg-debilitating disease that does not allow her to walk, so she is supposedly bed-ridden. Here's the thing though - she has posted on Facebookj numerous times since she's been out, not long after she left, about how many miles she's been walking (she is a supposed fitness nut). So...disability, really?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:32:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My sister-in-law's boyfriend told us that his family spent $70,000 on alcohol at his sister's wedding.
So let's call this guy Luke because his name was Luke.
Anyway, Luke is bragging to me and my friends that he's read all the top 100 books on the New York Times Bestsellers list. So (having read Game of Thrones), I ask if he's read Game of Thrones. Of course he says he has. So I ask him what his favorite part was.
"When that king dies I forget his name." Great answer Luke. So I respond, "Yeah you mean when Frodo dies? That was the worst!" And he agrees "Yeah he was my favorite!"
Fuck you Luke.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:32:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
They flew a blackbird in space, he killed a kid in school but it was on camera in his class so it was fine, no court either. Wait 2 kids he killed. And a guy who tried robbing his house. His grandad would use c4 to cook food in Vietnam. Um he can beat up marines blindfolded with his hands tied up, I can go on and on
He claimed 9/11 had happened in July. Even managed to convince a random guy on the street about this.
All of his ex girlfriends and boyfriends are bat shit crazy neurotics, still madly in love with him, desperately sending him nudes in hopes of winning him back.
Claiming he's about to be the next Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia.
When mentioning a foreign country to him, he'll say one of his cousins lives there. Both his parents happen to be an only child. He has no fucking cousins anywhere.
Stacy claimed to know and have hung out with various celebrities including Shaq, Michael Cera, and others
Claimed to be a seductress and would have older married men begging to spend money on her
Whatever became popular in the moment, she was into before it became popular
She could never have a boyfriend because guys were too intimidated by her sexually
She had a plethora of acting gigs lined up for her after Highschool
She never knew her real father and that he was an former vet who drifted from town to town on a motorcycle(I found out her parents are divorced after HS and that he works in an auto repair place)
She now lives in Hollywood and looks like she's going out clubbing in every picture now.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:33:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He said is parents bought him an iPhone 6. FIVE YEARS AGO.
Yes, I knew a dude who was for sure a pathological liar. He would lie to you about the weather even if you could see it for yourself. He lied about things big and small. Some of the worst lies were:
*Claiming to have two published books at the age of 18.
*Claimed to be a triple major (Math, chemistry and physics) even though our school did not do triple majors.
*Claimed to work for NASA.
*Claimed to have rich and famous friend who would show up randomly with a helicopter and fly him to exotic places. Said the friend would show up if he called them. Freaked out when people asked to meet this friend.
*Claimed to be psychic and that he had studied tantric sex for years (he was barely an adult). Also said he could heal people and that god talked to him.
*Claimed to have throat cancer and even made a cut on his own throat so he could claim to have surgery on it. Someone did research into throat cancer and realized he had none of the correct symptoms and that the surgery he claimed to have was not done through an incision because you can get to the throat through the mouth. They printed up some information and distributed it to peole who had been fooled into helping him, giving him money or otherwise supporting his fake illness. When confronted, he finally had to admit it was a lie (people were ready to lynch him) and that he did it to get laid.
He was basically the worst person I have ever met. He would do other crazy things like pretend to be hurt or cut when he was actually fine. When he got drunk once he started breaking shit at my friend's house and when he was kicked out he pretended he broke his leg to get sympathy I guess. When that didn't work and the cops were called, he suddenly stood up on the leg and was fine.
I honestly feel sorry for the dude, I guess he had a really traumatic event in his upbringing (I heard this from his family who seemed like decent people) and he turned into this.
It wasn't told to me but it was about me...some girl I used to be best friends with in middle school and early high school was the definition of a tapped attention whore (and a regular whore for that matter). We were best friends for a while so in that time I acquired her facebook password. It turned out that, over the course of a few months, whenever she would sleep over my house she would sneak into my brother's room to do the dirty. After finding out about that, I did what every angry 15 year old would've done: logged onto her facebook with people to laugh at her messages. While perusing her inbox filled with pursuit for dick I came across one that took crazy to a whole other level. At 3 in the morning (while we were friends) she was chatting this older guy at our school telling him that she was scared for her life because I was apparently coming to kill her. Only thing I was killing at the time was some REM cycles. Damn that bitch was cray.
Had an ex who must have thought I was a complete idiot and wouldn't know what a cigarette lighter in a car was because he pointed to it on a date and said as serious as can be, "That's my NOS button". To that guy, lying came as easily and naturally as breathing.
"The guy I used to share a cubicle with was a compulsive liar. Just a few of his choice lies:
In a college philosophy course, he asked the professor "How do I know if the blue I see is the blue you see?" Apparently, this "blew his mind", upsetting him so much that he retired early.
He can bench press 1,000 pounds, and could do even more if he didn't have gout.
He can "read" print with his fingertips, like Daredevil.
He's so good at picking up women that he stopped doing it because it got boring.
He used to be involved in a dog fighting ring, and his dog would never lose, because he taught it hypnosis."
My cousin had a boyfriend who was really good looking but a total pathological liar. He was always bragging to my (builder) husband about all the badass building projects he had done for rich and famous people. My favorite was the one where he made Calvin Klein a slate hot tub out of old chalk boards, and apparently Calvin didn't even notice - just handed him $20,000 and said thanks. Wow.
Let's say her name is Ygritte. Cause when you speak with her, she will always escalate things so that she got the bigger story. Whatever the subject is, she wants to make you feel "sweet summer child, you know nothing". She doesn't even have to be in the story, but she knows better than you do.
So we talk stories about old people retiring in a faraway land and conveniently die out of everyone sight after marrying a local. Of course, that was just child's play, Ygritte had a better story than that. She knew a guy, friend of the family who went to like Cambodia or something like that in Asia. Apparently the law there was that foreigner can't own land and properties, so when he marries a local and buy a huge house / sport car / whatever, everything is in the bride's name. One day the police storms in, the man doesn't understand. And they discover the bride hacked to pieces in the sport car trunk. The man goes to jail and nobody hears from him ever again. Supposedly it was the parents of the bride who hacked their own daughter to pieces so that the man goes to prison and they inherit all the stuff that was bought in their daughter's name.
That story was a bit hard to swallow.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:35:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
me when i was a kid.
When i was about 11 years old, maybe younger, i'm not quite sure, i told my friends that i had a girlfriend who i had sex with on the reg, and then her dad caught me, tazed me, and then they moved to afghanistan because her dad had to fight in the war
His name is Max and he claimed to have ruined his mom's apartment completely the day before the night we were there for a party. Even though most of us had been there before he claimed that the furniture were new even when we said we knew they were the same as before. It was awkward when he just stopped and looked into his beer trying to figure out life.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:36:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My ex girlfriend from 3 years ago. The biggest compulsive liar I had ever met. Two times she told me that I had got her pregnant. The first time was a few months after we met. About a month after she told me she was pregnant she went and got an "abortion" without telling me she was going, nor did she ask me to help pay for it. Ok. Second time the same thing happened. The worst of them I was told was when she attempted to sabatoge me and my dads relationship. My parents divorced when I was in 6th grade, for due to my age, my dad didn't really tell me the reason why until many years later since I would not understand it. My dad ended up remarrying 2 years after. But anyways, she tried to convince me that she knew the ACTUAL reason behind the divorce, that what I was told was just a coverup. Told me that my dad was cheating on my mom years before the divorce with my future stepmother, and that he left my mom to be with her. I left her after that, couldn't take the lying anymore. She spent some time in a mental hospital awhile back I had heard.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:36:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My ex girlfriend from 3 years ago. The biggest compulsive liar I had ever met. Two times she told me that I had got her pregnant. The first time was a few months after we met. About a month after she told me she was pregnant she went and got an "abortion" without telling me she was going, nor did she ask me to help pay for it. Ok. Second time the same thing happened. The worst of them I was told was when she attempted to sabatoge me and my dads relationship. My parents divorced when I was in 6th grade, for due to my age, my dad didn't really tell me the reason why until many years later since I would not understand it. My dad ended up remarrying 2 years after. But anyways, she tried to convince me that she knew the ACTUAL reason behind the divorce, that what I was told was just a coverup. Told me that my dad was cheating on my mom years before the divorce with my future stepmother, and that he left my mom to be with her. I left her after that, couldn't take the lying anymore. She spent some time in a mental hospital awhile back I had heard.
I worked at Outback as a server for a while, and during that time I had a coworker who claimed to play football for the Huskers and also work as a police officer--when he wasn't serving food.
His best claim was that he had "reset" a blind man's vision by punching him in the temple.
One slow evening while most of the servers were congregated in the kitchen and I overheard this guy telling people he was also a karate master, I bet him that I could kick higher than him. (I can kick pretty damn high and this dude's physique bore a striking resemblance to Pac-Man, so I could not believe he accepted my challenge.) He squatted down a few times--his body's heft almost concealing his stub legs--and suddenly he sprang up and threw his leg into the air. His toes probably achieved an altitude of 6.5 feet. It was really impressive.
I know a country boy named Dylan. Now this story is going to sound like I'm making it up but I swear on everything that he told me this story and said it was true.
Dillon and one of his friends named Francisco were walking through the woods one day. While they happened to be strolling along they came across a bobcat. Well the bobcat attacked Francisco. Dylan's first reaction was to pull out a Molotov cocktail, which he just happened to be carrying with him, and throw it on the bobcat while it was attacking Francisco. Well this made the Bobcat very angry, as you would suspect, and it ran at Dylan. Once it got close, he pulled out another Molotov cocktail and shoved it right down the bobcats open mouth down its throat and killed it.
P.S. Francisco, also a compulsive liar, confirmed the story.
I had a buddy who lied just as easily as you breathe. He was interested in mixed martial arts for a while and told me and another friend that he could train us if we wanted. Sure, fine. It was something to do were we could hit stuff. Well, the first day we show up for "training" he tells us that he's got a girl upstairs in his room that he's also teaching and he'll be back and forth between us and her because he doesn't want to mix us and then winks at us... he goes into the house and we start laughing.
This guy is about 400 pounds and has never had a girlfriend in his life, still lives with mom and dad at the age of 25 and has never had a job. The alleged girl in his room was supposedly a gorgeous blonde.
Eventually we head inside to get some water and his mom is sitting watching TV and reminds us that we can't go upstairs because her son has a girl up there.... she was corroborating his bull crap.
If you want I'll tell you the story of when he approached a group of 8/10s and tried to neg them.
Loocem · 1 points · Posted at 16:40:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a guy who told me he had a special version of Knights of the Old Republic that allowed him to go to the Death Star and blow it up. It was a special hidden edition that looked identical to any other Xbox disc but one in every twenty thousand or so had this special level on it. He lent it to his cousins though so I couldn't see it.
A guy at work on various occasions told he "Designed the A/C system for fighter jets.." (It was some sort of evaporative cooler that used the speed of the plane itself.... holy shit there was so much wrong with that I got tongue tied.
He delivered all his own children. Told the Doc to "get out of the way"... And BECAUSE of his experience, he delivered a baby for a stranger. In her car. On the highway. He used his pocket knife to cut the cord.
He was riding his horse in the mountains, and was attacked by a mountain lion... So he SHOT THE HORSE to scare the mountain lion.... evidently some kind of wilderness Keyser Sose maneuver.
One of my classmates from my math class (10th grade) kept telling me things that were really unbelievable. He told me that he "worked" at GameStop. A day passes by and he says he works at a fitness club. I never actually believed him but he was really annoying for the rest of the year because he kept lying to me straight to my face.
TerpBE · 1 points · Posted at 16:41:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I remember a kid in school told me that his mom ate something really spicy and smoke came out of her ears. Just a little bit, though.
Worked at a pet store where the owner would say she owned like every animal if someone was to bring them up, here are a few examples.
Bats pigs horses every breed of dog, owl, eagle, mongoose, Honey badgers, Longhorns, Wolfs,
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:43:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend that admitted to me, and only me, that he would lie in middle school to make his life seem cooler. Said he held the home run distance record in the state for little league, he had a ton of autographs from pros, that an NFL QB was his neighbor. Being in 7th grade, I never bothered to call BS on his stories. Lost touch with the guy put hopefully he's not doing it anymore.
Had a guy in high school try and say that he was a professional skateboarder (with sponsors and everything) and that Tony Hawk is now a friend of the family and comes to his house sometimes for dinner.
This was a very lonely individual who struggled to make friends and was socially awkward. Came from a fairly poor household and didn't know his dad.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:45:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I dated this women for a few weeks and I realized what she was so we stopped dating but she was fun to party with and I was 19 so she still hung around my house.
A close family friend of mine committed suicide and he was like a father to me. I came home from the funeral and she was at my house. She offered to take my car to get us some food and some weed so we could sit and watch movies that night. I gave her my keys and she left. I ended up falling asleep and sleeping like 14 hours. I woke up and she was gone. This was back when most people didnt have cell phones so I had to call around to try to find her. She finally showed up and without any breakfast or anything. She claimed she met a guy to get weed and he sexually assaulted her so she went home to sleep instead of coming back to my house. I didnt want to dismiss her claims in case she was assaulted but I asked around and she was out partying all night and driving my car around completely fucked up. She basically abandoned me in grieve and took my car so we were done at that point.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:46:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Look through my history. Find the lies. I promise more than half of them are real but I might be lying now
I had a friend in middle school that would tell outrages stories about all his friends. He told me that he once had a friend who got kicked out of Disney Land because he was really good at picking locks. He picked the lock on his harness at the top of the Matterhorn and got out of the roller coaster. Then he took a pocket knife and cut one of the stalagmites in half and laid down on top of it. Lastly, he pulled out some ketchup packets and squirted them on his chest and put the top of the stalagmite on the ketchup. When the next group of passengers got to the top of the Matterhorn, they were horrified. Then, when they investigated, Disney kicked him out of the park.
A guy from a job years ago, he said he invented Tetris in the early 1990s but the diskette was stolen (by the Russians) from his drawer.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:46:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
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LS240 · 1 points · Posted at 16:46:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Don't have any real fun or interesting stories, but I knew this girl a few years back that simply could not stop lying. She did it so casually and easily and even when called out on her lies publicly would just go with a new lie and pretend she never said the old thing.
One small example is when she showed up at a car meet one night in a lifted diesel truck which I'd never seen her driving. I asked if it was hers and she told me no, it was her roommate's. Literally as she finishes saying that another guy walks up and says "Nice truck.", and she replies; "Thanks I just bought it today!". I called her out about just telling me it was her roommate's a few seconds before and she said she never told me that and doubled down on the lie by saying she paid cash for it that night. She did this so smooth and casually it's almost impressive, like she actually believes her own bullshit and reality is just supposed to change around her or something.
She also had an old Subaru SVX(worth about $2k) that someone was going to trade her a built MKIV Supra for($40k+) because he's an SVX collector and her color combo is rare. Needless to say that trade fell through. Probably for the best though since her completely-stock SVX was apparently magic and had 400+hp at the wheels from a "Venom 400 performance module."
And talks at length how he would get into conversations all the time with them.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:49:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was a compulsive liar as a child. I lied about everything from being psychic to having a theme park in my back garden. Appropriately, I'm now an estate agent.
While in college, had a friend tell me about a time he had sex with a firefighter while he was in high school. And this happened at the fire station. She slid down the pole upside down to give him head. I can't believe he was so lucky that she would risk her career for sex with a high school student.
His grandma used to be a ninja defusing bombs for the US at WW2. Acording to him his grandma is the only reason we aren't all dead.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:50:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
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[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:15:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I noticed it, though these comments are all going straight into my inbox. I guess I should have turned that feature off, but I didn't expect to get over 2000 replies.
Some kid at my school told me his drug dealer let him borrow his car to make a drug delivery 1h away and while doing the delivery he got jumped and killed 2 guys with the gun that his dealer also let him borrow. He said it happened when he was 12 and he told me the story when he was 15. We live in pretty much the whitest town in our area.
My mother called my 11-year-old son and told him how she'd died twice the day before. She told him that her heart completely stopped twice. She called 911 both times after it happened, and that the paramedics showed up and brought her back with the paddles (defibrillator). After both times, they supposedly left after telling her that she could die again at any moment.
One day in high school I felt like making up some bullshit, so I told my friends that I had an Xbox in my car and played racing games while driving. I said that I had installed a monitor in the steering wheel, hooked up the peddles as the controls, and hooked up the Xbox to the alternator. When asked how I didn't drive off the road while playing, it was obviously because I had created my own set of custom tracks using Google maps.
That she was secretly Carly Rae Jepsen, her brother was Chris Brown, her sisters were Chelsea and Kailyn from Teen Mom, and T.I. was her dad. She also lied about having 8 kids, and told the school nurse she was pregnant (she obviously wasn't).
We were in seventh grade.
So this girl is admiring a GP2 racer who is my friend A relative. She told the whole class that she went to London for holiday to see her idol and post some pictures about that race in London. Few days later my friend found out that it was his cousin's pictures that actually live there and watched the race and there are still some more.
He gave his cat an appendectomy at age four and learned how to fly a helicopter at age five.
There are countless other one-upper stories and vaguely plausible stories that were probably lies (like the black belt and the girlfriend back home we never heard much about), but those two about the cat and helicopter stick out. Everyone in the room was laughing hard when he told them, and then everyone left as he insisted angrily that they were true.
I'm a teacher and I had a student last year who would tell ridiculous stories to other kids in the class AND THEY ALWAYS BELIEVED HIM. Some highlights:
- He found $2000 at his uncle's house and used all the money to buy his girlfriend thongs from Victoria's Secret.
- He can ski really fast, like at least 15 MPH.
- He stole his mom's car, crashed it in a field, left it there and walked home, and his mom never noticed that he took the car.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:10:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
How old are the kids?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:53:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ex girlfriend told me she shot herself in the hand with a shotgun, but didn't need surgery. Legit in the palm of her hand with a 12 gauge. I showed her how big a 12 gauge round was and she said, oh it must have been something else then.
One of my previous roommates regularly stole my food, booze and bathroomproducts.
She denied it every single time even though the evidence in general was overwhelming and kept on lying on how someone else must have taken or used these things. It was just ridiculous when she kept on denying she ate my rice dish while there was still sauce and 2 grains of rice on her chin or when she denied eating my chocolate with chocolate smudges around her mouth. Another fine example is when she stole my soap again, then put it in her room in the first place you see when the door was open....
She lied about a lot of other things as well, but this part was understandably the most frustrating for me...
Fuck you Julie, I hoped you enjoyed the laxatives I put in my pot of chocolate paste right before I moved out of there... And just so you know: the small amount of guilt I felt disappeared immediately after I heard my other roommate peed in his pot of jam you liked to eat so much. The jar of jam was empty before I moved out...
This roommate of my best friend is a total douche, always trying to be the big man around town. He bought a used VW Scirricco (nice car) but when I asked how many miles are on it, he says 71K. We get in for a test ride and I see on the odometer that it has nearly 200K miles. Fuckin' retard!
Jaci_D · 1 points · Posted at 16:54:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
my friends friend (i actually hate her cause of how much she lies) pregnancy. every time i look at her she is "pregnant". surprise, surprise. she actually is for the first time and the dad wants to give it up. but for some reason giving up this baby is a problem, but not any of the past 5 "babies".....
Their 'best friend' in the army was in an explosion on duty, flown back home but to a secret location, was in intensive care hooked on tubes and wires, then a few weeks later he tries to commit suicide in the woods, then about 2 weeks after that he's killed on duty (2 days after I had a bereavement funnily enough) but had the funeral, headstone put up which was then decimated all before the funeral I was attending even took place about a week after the death. We all knew she was lying but was too scared to pull her up on it because she was already pretty unstable. Then a few months later her compulsive lying was confirmed when a friend of hers who didn't know about all this told us she'd been texting and flirting with this dude who was meant to be dead. A year on she now thinks it was all bullshit and she was being catfished.
A coworker kid still in high school (I work in fast food) constantly bragged about how his family has millions of dollars, and he drives a twin turbo V8 BMW. He wouldn't tell me what model it was when I asked. After he clocked out, he went to the Walgreen's next door and waited for his mom to clock out.
My cousin told me he was deciding on which of the three girls who wanted to have sex with him he would have sex with first, and he then bragged about having sex with two other girls. We were in sixth grade.
I knew a guy, lets call him Jake. Jake was kind of an attention whore. We were at a party in college and he was trying to gain pity points from everyone (for some reason), and he had a small cut on his hand and he was dabbing it with a napkin. Then proceeded to cough and act like he was coughing up blood on the napkin, which obviously did not look like spit, but clearly dabs from his thorn sized cut on his hand.
He desperately tried to convince me that he used to be nearly 6'4 before being hit by a car!
uGGo7 · 1 points · Posted at 16:59:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I wonder how many compulsive liars are here lying about the lies
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:59:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I didn't personally know her, only through the internet. I followed her on instagram & tumblr. We talked online a few times. She was soo beautiful, red, flowing hair, listened to good music, loved cats, and she had cancer. She would post photo's of her five friends & her, and they had a shared a blog, they'd talk about going to concerts together, the music they liked, etc. Her one friend had already lost her twin brother to cancer, & that made them closer friends.
Anyways, Sydney was struggling, health wise. She said her cancer came back, & she had ovarian cancer too. It was strange, now that I think about it, she'd post about her cancer but would never have any photo's in the hospital, never lost her hair, never lost or gained weight, never looked sick, and yet claimed she was so sick she was in a coma. One day, she deleted her blog & instagram. So did almost all her friends & boyfriend. A post floated around the internet. Sydney wasn't real. 'Sydney' had a disease that was essentially her pretending to be a sick person. None of her story was true. The girl in the photo's wasn't the same girl who was posting in the blog. This girl didn't have those friends. This girl was never ill in her life. This girl had Münchausen by Internet.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:59:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh boy, where do I start...
A girl offered him $10,000.00 and unlimited sex and blowjobs in order to marry her for two years so she can get her citizenship.
Every so often, a different family member would be on their deathbed for a few days and become their respective doctor's 'once in a career' medical miracle patient
Was diagnosed with and fully cured of Colon Cancer within the span of 3 months, during which he supposedly had almost daily chemo before our band practices which apparently left him hungry enough to suggest going out to dinner every time.
21651618941169 stories about all these girls he was banging while crying over his ex for the billionth time.
Almost every time I see him, he's a shoe-in for a promotion he never ends up getting
He joined an intramural hockey team and within a few months got an invite from the US Men's Olympic Hockey coach to try out for the Olympic team
After being laid off from his mall retail job, he found a lawyer who told him that he had grounds to win a lawsuit so large he'd have enough money to buy the company he was fired from
That's only the stuff I can remember off the top of my head for now.
"I was so sad that I took 10 ambiens and went for a drive. I need you to pick me up or I'll crash."
One month after the breakup mother calls me: "ex gf is in the hospital right now, they think she miscarried" funny thing was: 2 weeks before we broke up, she had a pregnancy blood test done to get on the pill, came back negative. Over the 2 weeks before we broke up, we didn't have sex once because I wasn't in the mood due to her drinking addiction. Then she calls me the next day: "the baby was yours, it was the size of a golf ball." But upon research, being pregnant for 1 month, the fetus wouldn't be anywhere close to that big. In other words, try made the shit up. Especially considering we didn't have sex at all after the negative prego test.
And of course the classic one: "I'm gonna kill myself because life without you is meaningless." Funny thing is, a year later I walked by her at the theater (she didn't notice me) and she was alive and well
Acquaintance of mine from high school wound up at the same university I went to.
He only ever did band in high school seeing as he was a bit on the chubby side...turns out when I got to college, found out he'd been telling everyone he "doesn't do sports anymore since he tore his ACL playing QB in football back in high school."
...and in basketball.
...and in baseball.
...and in tennis, except I could confirm he didn't play that either since I was on the tennis team.
In grade school, there was this girl who lied about EVERYTHING even the things that didn't matter like where she was born, her family etc. One day she came in with some poetry she wrote and passed it around, claiming she wrote it about a little boy she babysat who had cancer. I was suspicious but let it go because whatever I'm not friends with this girl I don't care. Flash forward like a week later I'm sitting in the library reading a Chicken Soup book when I come across none other than her poem, obviously ripped. I called her out on it and she tells me that the girl who submitted the poem stole it from her and that they were in a legal battle about it right now, actually. Obviously I never believed a word she said because I knew better but it was just sad how she tried to take credit for something so personal and easily checked, but I guess that's just what liars do.
A former school friend spent a summer trying to convince me he'd murdered someone. Looked me in the eyes and told me. I realised he'd made it up when his story started changing.
My wife knew someone in school who told everyone she had cancer. People were feeling sorry for her for some time, until one day she says her cancer's gone. She had lain an egg and the cancer was in it.
My brother in law. He's a cop and said that he pulled over George W Bush for speeding but let him go with a warning. This was when he was president.
He also says that when he went to mass at the Vatican, on Christmas, the pope picked him out of the crowd, brought him up on stage, and personally blessed him.
My ex-gf told me she fucked the South Carolinas state senators son, and couldn't get an abortion because her mother was against it, and she wouldn't tell him because she didn't want to ruin his perfect name or something, but eventually got an abortion. I believed it because we were pretty good friends and I didn't know she was a compulsive liar, sooo like 2 months ago, a mutual friend was like, yeah, that never happened. Looking back, that's a ridiculous story I shouldn't have believed.
A girl I met sometime ago told me and a group of friends she got bullied because she was openly in the LGBT community, and a couple of guys from her school came up to her on the train and started calling her names, punching her and eventually beating her with a hammer, which caused her to have a concussion. She refused to call the cops or something, but after a couple of days she told us her parents called the cops. I don't know what exactly happened then, but a couple of people in that group really didn't buy it anymore and confronted her with details about concessions that didn't correspond with her story and stuff like that, and she told us she lied (I think it was because she was on her way to meet up with some of them and she was too nervous).
I knew one and she used to be my BFF. She told everyone she had ovarian cancer a few years prior and could never have kids. She said she had been in the military and had exhausted her G.I. Bill by going to school a lot and getting a bunch of degrees.
Shortly after she up and left town. She's since had 2 kids naturally. I googled her and found an old resume that didn't mention her military career and Oh.... she's got 5 aliases.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:05:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Growing up my best friend was a compulsive liar:
-he killed someone
-he could "disable your entire nervous system" with pressure points because he insisted he'd taken a special type of martial arts his whole life (our parents knew each other when they were pregnant with us so I've known him my whole life literally and he definitely didn't do martial arts).
-he uploaded a bunch of music to some site claiming he made it all (i make music and he had NEVER mentioned making music ever) I ended up finding the guy who actually made the music. My friend just blatantly stole it.
Wish I could remember more. Constantly Fucking lying it was crazy. What is the mindset that causes people to think they'll be believed about ridiculous lies?
One day, one of my friends said he was leaving for boot camp. We drove by his house a week later to check on his mom, whom was old and ill. We didn't see him, but she clued us in that he was still there. Apparently, he hid in the back room and did so for the next 6 months until he got "dishonorably discharged." He didn't gain one once of muscle and had a full beard to go with his "military cut" hairdo. I have no idea how he thought this would be believable.
My coworker was a compulsive liar. A couple things I remember :
He only ate salad and would eat 30 salads a day.
He swam for 6 hours a day.
He has played every video game ever made.
He never really did his job and would sleep though work a lot. Needless to say he got fired. Perhaps swimming all day whilst eating salad was too much for his body to take.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:08:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
An old friend of mine had an older girlfriend. She claimed to have had a sexual relationship with James Franco, and that she'd signed a NDA. She also said she'd hung out with Daft Punk and knew Ellen Page personally ("her number is in my phone"). She lied and said her mom was sick as an excuse to break up with my friend. She "couldn't handle a relationship" at the time. She was dating someone else within days.
The kid woukd constantly make really overcomplicated plans to destroy the human race and he would talk about how he's done all the experiments or founds ways to complete his goals.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:08:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he suffers from a rare variety of brain tumour and there were only 2 surgeons in the entire country who could operate it out. This 'surgery' was to be performed under 'circumcisional' anaesthesia.
Did I mention we were all in med school when this happened?
My SO's brother. Idk if I'd say he's as ridiculous as some of the people I've read in this thread, but there has been some stupid ass shit he spouts. Worst of all, it's usually in front of/told to other family members who can without a doubt deny that what he said happened.
My favorite is one time (we run a family business) he's schmoozing with a customer & decides to tell the guy that he doesn't know his father well because he was never there for them. All the while me, his brothers AND his father are right fucking there hearing this. Just ridiculous.
In high school a good friend of mine told me a story what happened to him over the weekend. The story he told me was a story I told him about myself a few months before, he just told as though it was him... not realizing I WAS THE ONE THAT TOLD HIM THE STORY TO BEGIN WITH!
My fathers old boss once claimed that his father won two victoria crosses. Well only 3 people have ever won two, and non of them could have been his dad. Why he would tell such an obvious lie i have no idea.
She told me she was Jewish. Wore a Star of David and everything, filled her room with menorahs (I had no idea at the time that they are a seasonal thing).
When I went to stay with her family in Austria, it was pork for dinner the first evening. So I say "Oh, so you don't keep Kosher, that's cool". The father asks "Why would we keep Kosher?"
Turns out that not only were they not Jewish, they were pretty antisemitic.
Same girlfriend also told me a different date for her birthday every time I asked (and was angry when I missed her actual birthday). Also made up a bunch of stories about my mother stealing her clothes, which made me not speak to my mother for a couple of years. She made up similar stuff for pretty much any family member she suspected I was close to, and after a few years I was in contact with nobody in my family at all. And I'd moved to Germany to be close to her, so I had none of my friends near me anyway and I wasn't very eloquent in German so it was slow going picking up new ones. Especially since I would very quickly discover (through my loving girlfriend) that they were evil in some weird way.
You know it's funny, I would have a reasonable chance of winning a bet that one of the top 5 comments in this thread were actually made up by a pathological liar.
The story about how her father called her from his cell phone on an airplane. Only problem was cell phones didn't actually exist then.
The time she claimed to have hand made a birthday cake and then we found the package from the grocery store that actually made it. "They just let me have the package."
The time she posted "her" x-rays on facebook, except one of them had someone else's name and the other was the first one to pop up in a google image search.
The best was when she claimed her husband had "roid rage" from his asthma inhaler.
And every other word out of that crazy bitches mouth.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:12:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He claimed that he helped create Minecraft and that he still worked for Mojang and they put money in his bank account all the time. This was when we were freshman in high school.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:12:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He claimed that he helped create Minecraft and that he still worked for Mojang and they put money in his bank account all the time. This was when we were freshman in high school.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:12:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I knew a girl who would just make shit up on the fly that was completely ridiculous and obviously false but she didn't seem to realize it and nobody called her on it.
she would use the same "rape" story (I mean, exactly the same outlandish, non-rape type incident with multiple guys on separate occasions) every time she cheated on her boyfriend with a new guy. She would say "she thought the other guy was her boyfriend, because they were wearing the same color shirt, and it was dark so she had sex with them, is that rape?" -- she wasn't blind or retarded either, she could see well enough to know that a 5'6 red haired skinny teenager wasn't her 6' black haired chubby boyfriend.
she would phrase it that way when she told the story: "do you think that's rape?", she was like (but not really) retarded. personally witnessing fake rape accusations really makes it easy to understand why police don't believe "the victims". She didn't give a shit and gave no consideration to the fact that she's basically calling these dudes she had sex with rapists, she just wanted to pretend she didn't cheat on her boyfriend after he found out. It was so strange to have someone actually telling a story like that then asking "is that rape", it's like, uh, what?
her boyfriend was sort of the same way though, so that makes sense out of their relationship..
One mate told us he had a brain tumour and was given months to live.
Another told me that he had set up a limited company and that two of my mates were "major shareholders", funny thing is they were both in the room as well as it was a bit of a party before a night out. Same friend told us his own sister had AIDS and that one his "shareholder" friends spent the first 5 years of his life in hospital. He's changed now though and seems a lot sounder and saner
I have a friend from high school who has not gone to college and has never had a job besides Old Navy claim that he is currently working as a financial advisor and making six figures. He says he's "Doing what Dave Ramsay is doing." When asked about how he got a six figure job at the age of 22 with no college degree and still living with his parents, he says, "My backround is all finance" and "I interviewed really well"
It kind of sucks because my friends and I really like him and he would do anything for us but he is full of shit
I know a few pathological liars. I've done some research and noticed that bad home lives or boring lives tend to be the cause. Which is very true with all the examples.
One friend claimed he "played guitar" but that he had "forgotten everything" in 4 years. When he played my guitar, it was blatantly obvious he had never played in his life. Ironically, this friend was dating another pathological liar. She once said "I've heard that progrocker2 is a huge partier now" to Y girlfriend (they were friends at the time), despite the fact that she went to a different university, and only talked to one person that went to my university, her boyfriend, who, despite being a pathological liar, wouldn't say that about me, as we're very good friends. Anyway, I'm one of the lamest college students ever, all I do is study and basically things that involve staying in my dorm room and I hardly ever go out, so she just made this up.
Another friend claimed he had cut his balls open when shaving his ball sack. However, when we were in the public showers, it looked like he had never shaved his balls his entire life (we were in high school, we flashed junk at each Other all the time. Give us a break). Same friend also exaggerates all the time. This dude is not really much to look at, in any sense of the word, and claims he's fucked 4 women. There are 2 maybe's, but nobody who has outright said it. Once relayed a conversation to us that he'd had with another friend while they had been in a wreck, but his version of what they were saying while the car was flipping, which would have only taken 20 seconds, took about a minute, and said friend was there and said "I didn't say any of that." This friend also claims to be adept at all video games, but even I've beaten him at some, and I am fucking awful. He also can't decide if he's gay or bi, but I don't know if that is actually part of pathological lying, or if he is legitimately having issues with his sexuality. He's always making things up or exaggerating, so it's pretty hard to tell with him.
Another friend said she was pregnant. 4 different times. The fourth time, though, it was actually true. In general she was also known to exaggerate and make things up as well, but I can't remember any super notable examples at the moment.
Oh man, I'll never forget that one guy. He was lying outrageously, but it was so fun hearing him talk. He was an awesome liar.
He said that he was a former foreign affair minister in Argentina but he quitted because he wanted to join the family business as an ice-cream master. I kid you not, he said that shit.
That was obvious bullshit, but hell damn it was fun to hear for 16 year old me.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:15:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm a journalist. While this might surprise the cynical among you, being trustworthy is really, REALLY important in this field. Once your credibility is gone, it's almost impossible to get it back. Just ask Stephen Glass.
Anyway, there was this guy in journalism school. We all hated him. He got banned from all four campus media outlets - two newspapers, a radio station and a television station all hated him enough to tell him to never come back. He was combative and annoying. And, we soon found out, he had a really big problem with the truth.
It started with his talk of having published a book. As first year students in university, this sounded extremely impressive. Until, of course, we googled his name and the word "book." No results. But he always had some bullshit excuse. "Oh, the publisher is just fact-checking it," that kind of thing.
One day, I bump into him on campus. He asks me what I've been up to, I name a few places I've been writing for. He says he's written for all of them. I look into it - he's published fucking letters to the editor.
This all culminated a few years later. He ended up writing a freelance story for our local paper, where I and some other friends happened to be interning. This isn't some small town paper, it's one of the biggest in Canada. And to be honest, the story he wrote was actually really good: it got on the front page. Well, it would have been good, if it was real...
Turns out, he made it up. And fabricated quotes. And attributed them to someone who was dead.
The paper ran a retraction the next day. This was three years ago, he hasn't worked in media since. Last I heard, he was living in the far north, doing God knows what.
One time i was in my ceramics class and he comes over and tells me how he drank ipecac and threw up in his dads car. This is the exact video from LABEAST and we asked him if he knew who LABEAST was and he said that he watched all his videos for a long time and was his favorite youtuber....
There was a guy I worked with who was in the army although this may have been a lie too.
In the army he drove tanks and fixed them, did underwater welding, was the army's bare knuckle boxing champ, was a sniper who could easily shoot people from a literal mile away (he also claimed to have done the shot through the scope).
He would also always one up everything I or others said. If I said I had ten pints at the weekend, he had obviously had twenty and wasn't even drunk.
That he got a D in algebra 2 3 times because he was unmotivated, and that he secretly was a mathematical genius that designed guns, and that he has a guilt complex because he can trace a gun he made to South America where it was used by facist groups to kill innocents.
I've always wondered about the two women I've known who were compulsive liars. I couldn't tell if they were just making things up knowing they were lies and assuming we'd be all gullible enough to believe them or if they truly did live in an alternate reality where they honestly believed the things they were saying happened. The one thing we never did (as I wasn't close enough to either of them to care) was call them on their b.s. I wonder what would have happened. All this was pre-cell phone, so with constant videos and photos being taken, I wonder how they would reacted to hard evidence to the contrary. For example, they might say they went somewhere with a group of people- and then when pictures of said event are posted on Facebook or Instagram, and the person is not there, I wonder what they'd say in response.
Happened in elementary (primary) school throughout. There was this kid who's name was Zach, and was renowned for lying. He claimed to be adopted from Russia, his trump card being a picture of his family behind a fake Kremlin. Along with this, he went along with the idea of being a secret spy against Amerika, his "correspondant" being a substitute teacher who so happened to be born in the Soviet Union.
Everyone either ignored or just accepted the fact that 75% of the claims he made were bullshit, and went on with drawing inside the lines until he expanded his capabilities to theft. I started selling these Japanese sodas with marbles in them called Ramune. Everyday I would bring 2 packs of 4, and sell them for a sweet $1.50 each. After a week, some started to disappear from my backpack. I didn't really think much of it, until I noticed that Zach's backpack started to clink, as if there were glass bottles with marbles in them. Soon enough, the teachers had opened his bag and there they were, 3 bottles of my Ramune. I was missing 3. His excuse was that he bought them from a mall 3 hours away, on a school day. He got a school suspension while I was basking in my minor but good victory.
Fast forward to 8th grade, a mutual friend told me that Zach got caught shoplifting at a supermarket, claiming that the $60 dollar earbuds in the package were his.
TL;DR Classmate Zach claims he his Russian spy, requires the theft of Ramune and Earbuds for his mission.
KelRen · 1 points · Posted at 17:21:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I used to work with a woman who just randomly lied about all sorts of weird stuff.
She had held many jobs, such as: A nurse, airforce pilot, geek squad person, make-up artist for strippers, insurance agent, and a few other random things. Keep in mind, the job she had when we worked together paid nothing, so if she had all this experience in "real" professions like nursing why was she working there?
She also lied about medical procedures she'd had done and how many kids she had. Super strange lady.
When I was 13, a friend of mine told me he was a "junior hitman" for the mafia. Never specified, just "the mafia." He tried to tell me once when he slept over that he had to sneak out in the middle of the night. I pointed out that we had alarms in the house. He said he went out the window. I pointed out that the windows had alarm sensors. He said he used a gum wrapper to bypass them. Eventually I realized he wasn't going to stop no matter how much I indicated that I knew he was lying. The weird part is he had no reason to make stuff up. He was an interesting guy with some legit talents.
Andato · 1 points · Posted at 17:21:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I used to work in a kitchen and the dishwasher was a little crazy. He told us that as a child, his family abandoned him in the forest a wolf adopted him. He literally tried to tell us he was raised by wolves. Apparently, after he grew old enough the wolves sent him back to live with humans. He was so strong from living in the wild that his adoptive mother would ask him to lift the fridge so she could clean underneath it. Eventually he joined a motorcycle gang and met the love of his life. The two of them started working their way up until they were leading the gang, smuggling drugs and guns. Until one day she was killed in a motorcycle accident and he left it all behind to go be a dishwasher for $7 an hour and live in his van.
Felkyr · 1 points · Posted at 17:22:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh. One of the reasons I had to wean myself of clan chat in Runescape.
There was this fuckhead that joined the clan that told us all about his prowess within his first week. Things such as:
-He makes guns for the US military
-He was a soldier
-He knows how to shoot guns
-He can complete medium dungeons (dungeoneering, on runescape) by himself, in 10 mins (they take me about 70-80 mins)
-He once drank 3-4 cans of Redbull every day for a month, sometimes not sleeping for a few days at a time. This was in the name of the aforementioned dungeoneering.
There were a few other things but I saved them in my in-game notes for later laughter whenever I needed it. I can't recall them at the moment.
While these things may be true, his general alpha attitude in-game makes me think he'd just say anything he thinks is cool to vie for immediate respect in any given group of people, and he generally just rubs me the wrong way. Like fuckheads tend to.
It's not really that overwhelming, it just seemed so odd for him to stick with it.
Going out to get sushi, three of us there. Two of us, a couple, had been regularly eating sushi for a few years, and were pretty good with chopsticks. Had never had chinese/sushi with this guy, but as we're waiting for the food to arrive, he starts telling a story about the first time he used chopsticks. He never had used them before, and his friend was telling him it might take him awhile to get used to using them. But, he was incredible with chopsticks the first time. His friend couldn't believe how good he was without any practice/experience.
Sushi arrives. We start eating.
He continues to finish the story, while he's trying to use the chopsticks, and failing very hard. So he's actively telling us how amazing he is with chopsticks, and how he picked it up without any practice, and it's amazing to people, while he's basically just stabbing at the food with his chopsticks and failing to pick anything up with even the slightest bit of finesse.
He finally gave up and used his fingers, implying something to the effect of maybe he forgot how to use them or something.
My friend once told me that he was walking his dog through the woods by my house when he saw an old lady and her husband. He said he went to have a conversation with them and ended up smoking a bunch of pot. I didn't believe it for a second
He would pretend he knew stuff about random people in my home town. Like "oh, that guy is a pedo!", "that man over there, he tries to convert you to satanism if you as much as look at him!"
It is tireing to be around people that lie so much and over the smallest thing!
A boy I know once said that that he got a scar on his foot after trying to kick a stray dog that had gotten into his garden, only that the k9 miscreant was actually armed to the teeth, and was holding a knife in his mouth. The boy claims he kicked a knife which a dog was holding in his mouth.
The same boy once claimed that his dad killed/severely beat someone who could've tried to kidnap him, but could have just "tripped over the fence" whilst boy was eating strawberries and syrup.
My FIL actually said the words, "Back when I wrote jokes for Johnny Carson..." My immediate reply was, of course, "I'm gonna stop you right there. You did not write jokes for Johnny Carson."
Being a teenage boy with a girlfriend, our friend Matt would tell exaggerated stories of their adventurous sexual encounters before clearing it up with, "Nah man I'm just kidding." The worst story was about how he was over at her house the day before and they decided to have some fun in her treehouse. They get up there and are going away when he accidentally slips his dick in the wrong hole. Supposedly, she doesn't suspect a thing and he rams away for another 10min. I guess this was the best sex she ever had. The next day he told us he made the whole thing up.
In middle school some kid who was only there for a year from NYC decided the best way to make a friend of me was to say "I am actually apart of the YogsCast" (this is when they were the biggest thing on YouTube) "and they fly me out to the UK to help them make videos once a month".... some people..
Worked with a guy. Former marine (him, not me). Said he's one of only nine people in the world who can diffuse a nuclear bomb. And don't be surprised if a helicopter shows up one day at work to whisk him away.
Seriously, I'll never forget the day he told it. We all sat there listening like "yeah? for real?", and when he walked away we just all looked at each other like "did he just tell us he can diffuse a nuclear bomb?"
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:24:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
At school, a friend of a friend tried to convince us all that he had a solid gold N64 and had a shark in his back garden. I never found out if it was true or not
Calkky · 1 points · Posted at 17:26:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It was a guy I went to college with. It was a fairly elite, small liberal arts school that costs a small fortune in tuition. This kid was a clean-cut white dude from "Chicago." He fooled a lot of people with his background story, which was that he was there on a full scholarship, came from "the projects," routinely hung out at Cabrini Green. As if that wasn't enough of a stretch, he just kept pushing the envelope even further. He'd dealt drugs, he was "the only white kid" inside of a house in the projects that was going to get bulldozed to build some gentrified amenities. I ended up transferring out of the school, so I never saw if his threads came unraveled. I never had any doubt that he was full of shit from the first moment that he showed up, but it was driven home by a few inconsistencies. He claimed he was state champion in his school's chess club and routinely beat up on his fellow students that knew the basics but didn't have any technique. I was a recreational player and I took him down in my first try. He also claimed that he was something like a 7th degree blackbelt in some kind of kick boxing, then invited me (a 3rd degree brown belt in kung fu) to "work out" with him. He looked like he'd learned his "art" from watching Karate Kid. Finally, he came in talking about how he'd "gotten out" of multiple DWIs, smoked crack before "cleaning up," and sold weed so his mom could cover rent. The second this kid came in contact with any sort of intoxicants, he was the first to be puking, hurting himself or having a bad trip. In retrospect, it was pretty entertaining.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:26:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The reason Georges St. Pierre (MMA fighter) tore his ACL because he leg kicked him. He also said he was going to fight at UFC 129 in Toronto.. How did people fall for this?
Oh boy, I got one. This guy I worked with for a solid week before he got fired was full of little treasures like these. He claimed at one point to have driven onto the back of a car hauler on the highway and rode back there for an hour. He also claimed to have been injected with experimental antibiotics as a child, which is why his immune system is SO GOOD.
Lets see hear... I once dated a girl for 6ish months. That in a young and gullible state, had convinced me that she was a nurse and a did some professional modeling on the side, her father was dead long ago and that her mother was an ex addict. Oh and that she had a lesbian roommate who was obsessed with her, this girl was real at least I met her, and who was also suicidal and always asking her for money. She kept this act up for awhile. Leaving town for shoot, working the night shift as a nurse, nothing appeared too crazy till I started question things finally.
All turns out her father was alive and well, her mother was not an addict and actually she had a history of addiction. She was not a model or a nurse and somehow managed to find a gig babysitting kids. She even went as far as to tell me the name of her modeling agency and try to get me employed with them emailing me from fake accounts she had made to pretend to be agents. She was actually broke and was know for state hopping after people caught onto her lies.
I was contacted by her roommate after the whole ordeal and told to change all of my password and get a restraining order as she thought she had found out most of my information somehow. Luckily it didn't go past that. She later contacted me on facebook apologizing where I gladly told her she was crazy and to fuck off.
Co-Worker told us one of the characters of Black Hawk Down movie was based on him. My friend loves that movie and knows most of the names of the brave men that served in that Somalia conflict and was furious when I mentioned what my Co-worker said. We Googled his name, turns out he was in prison during that time for pedophilia...
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:27:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm pretty sure I convinced my friends in third grade that I was an alien because I have three ankles.
Old college roomate would tell the worst one
- he was in a government program that would track dug dealers
- he had enough pull in this secret government program that he could call off police
- he got blown out of a third story window
-he spoke fluent Russian (I said I did too and I would say random words that sounded Russian and he would act like he understood me)
-he was a know hacker and he made up some stupid name
I had a guy tell me that he used to be an EMT. At the time of the story, he was 20. He told me about the time he had to run into the 7/11 and grab a cooler of ice so he could store a heart (that he had just removed from a crash victim) in it and rush it to the hospital for a pending transplant. He told lots of whoppers, but that, by far, was my favorite. We'd bring it up to others so he was forced to tell the story again and again. It was awesome.
Kid was a notoriously big liar. One of his ongoing lies was how his family was soooo rich (poor as fuck). He skates with tony hawk etc. We were out skating one day and he pointed out a small jet that just left the airport and he looks up and says "theres my dad! He's on his way to LA and thats his private jet!". The Jet shortly after made a sharp U turn and went straight the opposite direction of "LA". HAHAHA
IDT: Compulsive liars telling tall tales about imaginary compulsive liars.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:30:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Being honest, I was a compulsive liar in highscool but I got over it as I matured.
I told my friends that I had been signed as a music artist because they all made fun of me for never getting any where with music no matter how hard I tried.
Funny enough, 4 months ago I got 3 signed deals to do full music soundtracks for games and its only been a year sense I told that lie soooo :?
I used to have a friend in elementary school who was a compulsive liar, and being a complete moron naïve kid, I actually believed him. Here were some of his best ones:
Green Day was going to be performing a secret concert in my hometown, and he had tickets locked in a safe at his house and I could have one. Then the next day he claimed that he forgot the combination to the safe so he couldn't retrieve the tickets.
He possessed an ultra high end model helicopter and it's automatically hovering outside of the school right now the only reason you couldn't see or hear it was that it was flying really high up.
There was one drinking fountain that was kindof grungy/rusty so it didn't work. He claimed that this was because the school had won the "Nick Takes Over Your School" sweepstakes a few years ago and Nickelodeon pumped slime through that drinking fountain.
My favorite, this one fucked me up for years afterwards. He once lifted up this part of the urinal and found a quarter underneath. In retrospect he had obviously planted the quarter there earlier, but I ended up lifting up that part of the urinal for years afterward to see if someone put a quarter there.
Edit: I just remembered another, he claimed to be in possession of the mythical vest that you put on when playing Sega Genesis that would actually make you feel pain when your character took damage by poking stuff into you/burning you/etc. He got away with claiming that because he was kind of poor so he never invited me over to his house.
First is Julia. If you've done it, she's done it twice. Her lies were hysterical. She had a framed photo in her apartment and claimed she took the picture. It was a book cover. We had a friend that had a pet mountain lion, and when we mentioned it around her she goes "Oh my GOD I used to have a pet mountain lion!" Her dad was a Jewish black Italian doctor farmer in Mississippi. She also cheered at Ol Miss, despite not attending that school.
My ex was a massive liar. Still is. He decided to get into music producing(he sucks) and would take credit for other people's work when telling other people about it. He said that he did it because no one would want to work with him if they knew he hasn't actually done any real work for anyone. One day he did this, and the guy he was telling it to goes "You do realize I'm the drummer for this band, right?" We split almost 5 years ago and sometimes I'll go look at his Instagram for kicks. There's frequent "Chillin in the studio" posts. That shit is his bedroom in his mom's basement, he just makes sure to not have his bed in the photo. Claims he almost beat Bam Margera at a game of SKATE when he was 14 and they wanted him to join the Audio skate team.
My stepdad is also a big liar. He makes outrageous claims to his coworkers, like he has a boat. He has 2 jet skis. He has another house in Nashville. He's actually rich and doesn't need to work, he just likes to.
I currently know two people who always tell crazy lies. I've known them both for about 25 years and the worst part is they are middle age and still tell lies. Sad actually.
I found out that a guy I was trying to date was already taken, so when I brought it up, he said that his gf had cancer and was going to die in a few months. She's still alive, and they have a baby together.
aged 11/12, one of the guys in school claimed to have every game for the ZX Spectrum and had completed them all. In fact he was so good he was used by game writers to test their unreleased games, so he always got to play games before anyone else and tell the games designers how to improve their level designs.
Eventually he would be called out by other lads getting him to expose his lies, asking 'So, have you tried the new shooter, Sperm Jet?'. 'Oh yes, I've already finished that three times'. Someone else; 'How about Randy Bastards?'. 'Yep, done that last month'. He also claimed to have invented the Poke for the colour Orange.
These statements were told by a 5'4 130/140lb female in her early 20s.
1) I used to could drink 20 shots in an hour easily (without getting really drunk or, for that matter, dying).
2) I used to could bench press over 300lb easily.
Edit: One of my friends pretended he worked as a bartender of a popular bar in town. He was only 16. When asked how he was even hired, he told me his Dad knew the owner and he let him work despite not having a liquor license. He went as far to bring me to the bar after school and tried to "shoot the shit" with one of the bouncers, which was obvious that the guy didn't know him and wasn't letting him in. I asked him about it, and his response was, "It's okay, he's still new."
This same kid tried to convince me he was Zezima on Runescape years before.
One of my best friends in high school tried convincing our entire group that his grandfather invented the Tide formula. He also said his grandpa had a bunch of gold coins buried under his house and we would go dig them up. We all had a little intervention with him after this.
Also, my old roommate tried convincing me that his best friend was killed by pirates on the open sea. When I pressed for details he said he couldn't remember when it happened or what his friend's name was. (At the time I was 22 and he was 30 years old)
i find the best way to now if my buddy is lying is to just ask about how that past date went. if they don't mention the bs excuse they were lying.
ex: so how was friday?
meh nothing just chilled
what about that hot blond you were supposed to see?
oh ya that was great, fuked her 6 ways to sunday.
This guy used to tell everyone he was a really really rich family, but then his grandmother got cancer and they had to spend 1 million (probably the biggest number he could think of) on her treatment, so they went poor.
Also I have this other friend who lies about EVERYTHING. It got to the point we don't believe anything he says, even the most mundane stuff. "I'm gonna go grab a cup of water" BULLSHIT, I have no idea what you're gonna do, and honestly don't care either, just don't tell me and stop bullshitting.
This same guy suposedly needed some money, so he asked a mutual friend who told him (not exactly his words) "I know its a lie, I'm not buying anything to you, you can afford." Then asked second guy "You owe me so much from all the bets you lost, and now wants me to buy you stuff? Why should I believe you are gonna pay?". He even asked me after, but I'm on to him, I know it was a lie that he needed the money, and also a lie that he would pay back.
In the third grade, I had a class with this girl named Mackenzie. This girl drove me fuckin nuts. She would always lie and tell tall tales like any third grader would. It wasn't a big deal for awhile, everyone knew she was lying all the time.
What made my third grade heart burn with hate fire was what she did after my mother's house was robbed, and then burned down. I had gotten a lot of cards and well wishes from students and teachers the week after it happened. This asshole shows up A day later with a unicorn stuffed animal. I asked her "hey what's the unicorn for?". Her response:
"My house burned down last night and this is ALL I have left after the fire!!"
This was disproved literally the same day when her Dad came to pick her up from school. One of the girls that was with me when Mackenzie told us her house burned down was telling the Dad how she was sorry his house burned down. He was extremely confused and looked at his daughter and asked her why she told people a lie like that.
Anyway this girl was my arch nemesis after that. On another occasion, she passed me a note threatening to kill me ¯_(ツ)_/¯ weird kid.
My friend invited his compulsive liar, stoner friend to stay with us. We all decided to go to the park to slackline. Stoner friend, of course, is "pro at slacklining" and apparently does all sorts of tricks and things. The whole way we walk to the park with the gear, he goes on about how amazing he is.
As we get into the park, his abilities diminish a little. He begins to say that "actually, he's only gone a few times before."
We set up the line and crank it to the right tension. Stoner friend gets on, and promptly falls off spectacularly and finally sheepishly admits, "Yeah, I've never done this before."
Like... why lie about being good at a thing AS YOU'RE GOING TO THE THING?!
This is a super stupid example but it's one that sticks out in my head. She told me she had lost 9 pounds in 2 weeks. About 10 minutes later I over heard her saying to someone else she lost 14 pounds in 2 weeks. If I wasn't as non-confrontational as I am I would have said, "WOW! You lost 5 pounds in 10 minutes!??! What's your secret????"
but I didn't. :(
mcwt_ · 1 points · Posted at 17:42:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A have a bunch of multiple little stories.
This girl, she said that she was adopted and her birth dad is black (this is is pasty white) and that when she was born she had a skin pigment disorder. (Which I know is possible but not for every inch of her body) and now 5 years later she just met her birth parents and posted it on Facebook and they're white
She also said when she was about a freshman in high school or 8th grade she got pregnant and had a baby and that the baby daddy had custody because she drove fucked up in the car with it and got pulled over but when I asked for pictures of the baby and her when pregnant she said her mom made her deleted every single one and then junior year she started talking to the "baby daddy" again and when I met him a few months down the road I asked how their kid was and he was like "uhhhhh?" Update: she is now ACTUALLY 9 months pregnant that's a whole other story
AAzumi · 1 points · Posted at 17:42:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
this guy who has serious confidence issues told me he had sex with a former teacher after running to her in the airport, and then on the plane. yeah...no
My ex-friend used to go through old year books and tell stories of girls he'd fucked once.
He's ugly as fuck
Viros · 1 points · Posted at 17:44:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One my little brother's friends was a habitual liar and had all kinds of lies that we just let go, but the one that finally made my dad and I call BS was when he claimed his dad had a mint copy of Action Comics #1. We lived in a typical middle-class suburban neighborhood and this comic went for $3.2 million at last auction.
He was shot 7 times as a police officer. Shot in the foot by a Soldier at a clearing barrel. Was a fire fighter. Was a Carpenter. Horse rodeo guy. A boxer. And a bunch of other fucking bs stories. I got more.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:45:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had a bandmate who claimed that the A&R guy from Warner Brothers was following him around the College Campus giving suggestions on how to get our metal band a major label record deal - never saw this guy once or heard of him without the band guys around. Like some A&R guy is going to be hanging around a deep south college campus, LOL. You don't get that stuff unless there's a scene, and a yankee metal band in bumfuck Alabama ain't a scene.
He hacked his PS4 so he could download free games from the PSN store (although he was a millionaire, he said earlier). I asked him how he did it. HTML..
I have to deal with a guy that spent significant time in the military. Now because we are both vets we share stories of our days in different conflicts and what not. Mine are not exactly the most exciting bits, but he tells me obscure details from movies and claims them as his own. As of now he has fought in presumingly every major war under the command of michael bay.
My FMIL told me she'd been visited by god, then she told the story three times over (seamlessly, one after another), exaggerating it more and more each time. (check my post history if you're interested in the full story).
BF is pretty sure she lies about most day to day occurrences, but this was something special.
When my ex was trying to get me back he told me he almost died in a car accident , had free tickets to the super bowl, among other outrageous lies . Then there were the normal ones like " I didn't sleep with those girls." Gotta love sociopaths..
FLFF · 1 points · Posted at 17:50:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That they were kidnapped at a gas station at 1 in the morning for diaper money for their child. Then when he got back he proceeded to drink all my beer because he was "depressed"
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:50:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
one of my 'friends' (to put it loosely) once made up a totally fake story about losing her virginity, subsequently forgot about it, and has lately been doing a lot of "I can't believe I'm still a virgin at 19! boys never believe me when I tell them! why are my standards so high?!" talk.
it makes me laugh bc she honestly went into SO much detail with the first story. i'd known it wasn't true at the time as she has a lot of history for this kind of thing, and she went all out with the juiciness - the boy had a girlfriend at the time , she snuck out of her house at night to do it with him (super strict parents), making up compliments he'd said to her, and obviously not using a condom because that's SO vanilla.
i've been waiting for the perfect moment to call her out on it for ages. tonight may be the night...
A former friend of mine claimed one day to have stage three lung cancer and was going to be starting treatments. A week later when he obviously hadn't started treatments he started chain smoking cigarettes (my guess is that he did it in hopes of giving himself cancer). A few years later he's still cancer free and still smoking menthols like they're going out of style. This dude just had to have everyone's attention at every moment and would tell you anything to keep it. Haven't talked to him in years. Feels good.
I had a school friend try to convince me that he worked for capcom and was personally writing the story for street fighter 4 ( for context this was about 15 years ago). When we asked him to prove it he brought in a 50 page draft of the SF4 story the following day.
Girlfriend's boss once told me he gave notes to Matt Damon and Ben Affleck on their Good Will Hunting script. He manages a liquor store on the east coast so...
one guy i've played wow with a guy that said he had a brain tumor that had to be removed every 1-2 years
he said its a ~60% chance that he dont survive it but on the other hand he only needed to stay 1 night at the hospital and they did it always in an ambulant operation
he got some girls with this story but idk who could believe something like this ....
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:56:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One that I always laugh about is back when I was in 9th grade I had a buddy who I'm still friends with, and who is still a compulsive liar; tell me that he got 10 chopper gunners in one team death match game in call of duty black ops.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:56:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So there was this kid, we'll call him Alejandro. He is a short guy, no more that 5 foot 2. He looks to be of Mexican decent, and has a very scraggly mustache and goatee. I had no idea who this guys was before he just started sitting at our table. I don't even remember why he said he was there, it's like he just materialized there one day. From the beginning we could all tell that there was something... off, about him, and he always told all these crazy thing like;
That he remembered as a baby that he was blessed by a green luck angle.
4 families moved in and out of this house in his neighborhood in one month, one guy was an Indians player who only lived there one day.
That he was taught secret pressure points by Sam for iCarly, (I actually laughed out loud at this one).
That his family owned a double barrel pump action shotgun (which albeit, does exist. But I don't think a kid in the suburbs is going to have a military grad shotgun in his house).
Claimed to be able to put curses on people, and once threatened to do so because he didn't like my friends phone background.
Along with these were other things that showed how gullible and strange the poor man was.
He though Freddy Frazbears Pizza was real and located in South Dakota.
He though that there were cursed videos online and tried to show us some. But he made sure to caution us not to look at it.
In conversation I mentioned my Grandfather died in the 1990's, then later mentioned how the last Spanish American War veteran died in the 1990's. He stopped me right there and swore that "there had to be connection".
I told them my aunt knew a guy who worked with the CIA, he was convinced that he was a secret agent. He wasn't, he was a doctor.
He always talked very solemnly about "how many people we're losing everyday", he didn't mean to war or violence or anything like that, he just meant people dying of old age.
He was also obsessed with making this girls table by us throw up.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:56:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he was in the United States Marine Corps.
He was 14. In Canada.
I once told him about something that happened at work, about how one of the guys hit a sprinkler with a forklift and water was running for 2 hours before they could turn it off.
Well in his 3 months at a similar store, he's had every experience I've had in 2 years. His story was they hit a sprinkler in the middle of the night, caused the whole store to be under couple inches of water and they couldn't let the fire department in because it was during the night shift.
There are more story's, just makes my blood boil thinking about all the bullshit he spewed.
My uncle once told me an elaborate story about how he was good friends with Elizabeth Hurley. Went on and on about how they used to grab lunch, make his wife jealous. Even at age ten the whole thing sounded ridiculous.
I worked at a well known chain restaurant in college with my roommates. We befriended the bartender, George. George was a tall freckled spirited Irishman who drank nothing but Guinness. Down the road George needed a place to stay, and we had a spare bedroom, so we let him stay in our apartment for a time. One night after several drinks George decides to open up to my roommate and I and reveal to us that everything we knew about him was a lie. He was not in college, he was not Irish in any capacity other than some ancestors he isn't aware of made it to the states at some point. His name wasn't George, and his accent was a fake. Pretty much everything this person had ever told us and his entire personality was a fraud. Upon hearing all of this my roommate David became enraged and started throwing hands. We kicked George out of the apartment and never hung out with him again. It is really startling to find out someone you think you know who you have invited to stay in your home is presenting a completely false persona 24x7.
Lie: He was the manager at his job and made a ton of money.
Truth: he had been demoted for at least a year and had to give up his keys. Only made $9.50 an hour.
Lie: he had a bachelor's degree in business.
Truth: he failed all of his classes, never finished and was thousands of dollars in debt.
Lie: he failed to pay his car payment multiple times because he was buying gifts for me and saving for his own place.
Truth: he was using the money to fund sex toys and homosexual getaways.
Lie: his parents were old and he lived with them to help support the bills.
Truth: his parents were older. He was living with them because he was a complete loser and dependent. His mom made a ton of money.
Lie: he could play guitar.
Truth: couldn't play a chord.
Lie: he was not gay, his accounts had been hacked, he would never.
Truth: shiiiiiit.
Dude lied about literally everything! Craziest shit I've ever seen. I could talk for hours about it. Lol.
Has the same exact factory that we work at, at his house.
Just bought a $500,000 tree feller.
Gets paid to fire automatic rifles.
Has miles of det cord.
Owns a snow plow company consisting of 54 trucks.
Has a 98 grand prix with 1200 HP, just from programming the chip.
His grandma can bench press 350lbs .
His uncle is the admiral of the russian navy.
He works at a performance auto garage.
He either has a son or a daughter, it changes from time to time.
I could go on. He is completely serious about all of it.
Late to this thread but this happened to me recently:
I run a business. 5 weeks ago I had offers of £350k on the table at a £4 million valuation in what was the 'ideal investment round'.
Fastforward to today and I have laid off all my staff and I'm winding down the business at a fair cost to myself.
Turns out the investor was lying. He had no money.
unfortunately, he was also our ad supplier. All the adverts on our site were fake, the advertisers didn't know they were on our site. He literally made them up. He'd come into our office talking about this deal and that deal, we'd veto certain brands or products. All lies.
So the cash we were expecting in from ad revenue also did not exist.
He said he had other investments and used the same lawyers as ourselves. he'd fake phone them from our office and have a fake conversation with them - knowing that they could not confirm or deny any relationship with him.
Since he was our advertiser and it was all fake then the cashflow I had written based on the revenue we believed to be coming in was all bullshit too. meaning I had nothing to go back out to investors with and no time to do it anyway cos we had no cash coming in either.
It was a fake name, a fake address.
I think that the 'business partner' who kept missing meetings and that we were chatting to on Slack was just him with a 2nd account.
He didn't use his real name
He told us his middle name was Boudicca
I incorporated a new business this week. Gotta roll with the punches
Back in middle/high school, knew someone who told us that he had a rare tumor in his heart, and that the doctor would sneak into his home at midnight to administer his medicine, because he didn't want his parents to know and worry about his worsening health. He also told us he was a surfing champion and was sponsored by Volcom.
That kid had an undeniable hustle though - last I heard he married a girl from a wealthy family and they run several successful businesses together. (This part is evidently true).
He told me he had a brain tumour, and if I'd be there to support him in his dying days..
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:03:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a parachute rigger by the name of, I believe, Brian Majors who at various points claimed he had been a stripper, secretly dated Emma Watson while living in Boston, flat lined due to a cocaine overdose, lived in Brazil for 7 years, was hit by a garbage truck while riding his dirt bike in Brazil (This one was almost a word for word description of a similar scene from a Bourne movie) and who knows what else. All this before the age I met him at, roughly 25.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:04:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Did an ironman triathlon every morning while in the army. Before unit pt.
There have been so many, but a recent one was that he was mugged a block from Madison Square Garden. It was Memorial Day. I had been with him in NJ earlier and knew which train he was taking back to NYC (would have been at Penn Station around 2:30-3PM. So, 2:30-3PM, broad daylight, a block from one of the most heavily policed areas of NYC, on a day where offices are closed and the streets are packed. And oddly they didn't take his wallet (only cash), his iPhone, his backpack, his watch, his Oakley's or his weed. Oh and he didn't tell anyone about it until that Thursday. Needless to say, nobody believe much he says.
I was shocked when I found out about this one. It's how I found out he was a compulsive liar:
I was traveling for work to another country for a few months and I had made friends with a few people there. One of them in particular was having a very difficult time over the first month because his mom was hurt in a car accident and was in the hospital. He missed a lot of work for it and during the second or third month, his mom passed away.
He was gone from work for a couple days to go attend the funeral and when he came back he, another friend, and I had a heart-to-heart about losing parents. He invited the friend to a family gathering, a wake of sorts, but the friend ended up not going because he felt weird about attending as non-family. That ended up causing a huge rift between them.
That was about a year ago. A couple months ago, said friend was looking into the database of who is alive / dead and found out the guy's mom is definitely not dead. He had lied about the entire thing. And it wasn't his only lie.
A guy I know makes shit up and then sticks to it. Some of his golden ones:
He went to England/Australia. He's confusing about which at times and he's always right in the moment he says it.
He had a motorcycle at his old place that had never moved, and he wasn't a mechanic so it wasn't going to ever. He started one day telling people that he had a motorcycle accident that wrecked the bike and caused a burn on his leg. He actually burned his leg at a party where his pants caught fire.
He used to go to the gym with my best friend. My best friend started training with another guy at the gym (Jay). The friend started saying he was also training with another guy (Jayson), but he didn't have gym membership. Any time my friend would offer to work out with them, the guy would say, "oh, we're at another gym." At least that was a step up for his facebook game because he always has to post that he's at the gym, but he used to just be at his house on xbox live.
Now he's telling everyone he's ex-military. He says he's been to Afghanistan and seen his friends blown up. To some people he just says he was discharged medically after boot camp. None of it's true, of course.
I work with a guy who has a few good ones.
1. Apparently he has this girl he knows back home in Puerto Rico who is gonna give him $5 million(or $10 mil, or $20 mil, it changes every time) if he goes to see her at some point. Not marry her, not date her, just literally go hang out with her for a day. He won't go though because he can't afford the plane ticket there.
2. His ten year old son hacked the FBI(or the NSA, or the Pentagon) once at school because he was bored, and almost got arrested for it. Instead they ended up paying him $25k to never use any computer ever again.
3. He's Elvis's third cousin's grandson(apparently Elvis had Puerto Rican cousins who knew?), but the family had a falling out before he was famous so they never got any money from him.
And, my personal favorite
4. Apparently you need to have a passport to go from New York City to the rest of New York State because of the UN making NYC its own country and no longer part of the USA.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:09:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
went to highschool with a girl who craved attention. her bf dumped her and she went crazy on him and told him she was pregnant. when she never started to show later she told everyone she had a miscarriage, for sympathy points she said "she had beautiful strawberry blonde hair" .... the miscarried embryo had strawberry blonde hair!!??
There was this girl, we'll call her "Hillary"... She would instantly transform into a clone of whatever group she happened to be talking to. If anyone tried to oppose her in her group, she would just adapt and mirror those people. It was the craziest thing, everyone knew deep down inside she was a soulless, self serving demon... Somehow she turned out to be unbelievably popular.
I have a very good friend that works as a substitute in our town. There is a guy from my old college that is dating another good friend of mine. I invite the three over to my place for a night of pizza and starwars. This is their first time meeting and the guy hears friend 1 tell him that they work as a sub in town. This guy, who I have known for about 5 years at this point, precedes to make up this entire fake story about how he worked as a substitute teacher for 2 years. All about these horrible kids he worked with and how he did some unorthodox back talk and basically verbal bullying and how it worked so well. All while he still attending the college we meet at and never once took a job that wasn't acting. His girlfriend said "that didn't happen." They try to pass it off as "Oh you just don't remember." and moved on to the next few fake stories.
Afterwards I apologized to my buddy that's the sub about him. He said "Yeah, that dude hasn't been in a freaking classroom since high school and wouldn't be allowed in one acting like that. Or telling principals about his great classroom management system."
His mom didn't think writing was good for his mental health. So she took all the pens and pencils from the house and hid them. AND she deleted notes from his phone...
(you can't delete notes) as I told that to him he later said she hid it in a folder....
Was in Afghanistan. Had Osama in his sights. Was called by higher ups over the radio to fall back.
Everyone called him out on it over beer pong, he was 21 or so at the time, severely overweight (as he always had been but it got worse post high school) and had fucked up knees from high school football (which is why the army, when he went to apply, looked at him and said no.)
Funny thing is the whole group minus a couple of new people knew that he never got accepted to the military and was on disability for the totally trashed knees. We'd all known him the whole time, no gaps of time he could have been gone for the military.
This was a young lady in college. She told us she had a brother that was eaten by or just attacked by a shark. She was either friends with or dating a singer that was big in Latin America and she was constantly being flown out to see him. She also took my friend home to meet her parents and they totally approved of their dating. He was surprised to learn that he met them. I was also surprised since he and I were working together that weekend.
But if there was one thing that wasn't a lie, it was them titties. Damn.
My friend told this huge story about how she went skydiving for the first time but due to a mix-up they thought she was an expert (?). So she gets on the plane with everybody else after gearing up and they tell her to just jump, so she does (??). Then, while freefalling, she radioes the plane on her walkie talkie saying "okay.... now what?" (???). The crew freaked out and scrambled around, trying to stay calm and tell her how to pull the chute (????). She told this story with such gusto and enthusiasm that nobody dared call her out even though it was obviously a movie plot or something. The biggest kicker is that she is obese and I don't know if she is even allowed to skydive.
She's a lovely girl otherwise and I wish her the best through her issues (she had a rough childhood to say the least). I had to stop being her friend because I was afraid to call BS on a story that really was true.
One of the guys I used to work with, who had a lot and I mean a lot of 600 horsepower stories, once told us this 1. He was doing a 130 mile an hour wheelie down the freeway on a zr1000 which was also capable of doing 210 miles an hour as a top speed, his friend was video taping it from behind when a highway patrolman pulled him over, and told him what a badass he was and did not give him a ticket. Some of the other guys I work with kept telling me that this character was an alright guy, he just has a tendency to exaggerate the truth. Explain to them that this guy thinks that they are retards, has a very low opinion of them, and is disrespecting them by telling them bullshit stories. I also told them they are all pussies for not calling him on his bullshit and pretending to believe it. And of course every time I ask to see that video tape, the reason he couldn't produce it changed
SteevB · 1 points · Posted at 18:17:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I played on the golf team in high school. One of the other players was always making up the most BS stories. The one that stands out the most is when he said he flew to Scotland on a Saturday, played at St. Andrews golf course that same day, and then flew back on Sunday in order to be at practice/school on Monday. This was also in California, and the kid didn't come form a wealthy background to make this even remotely possible.
In high school, I was waiting after school with this guy a year younger than me. He told me he was waiting for a man in a white car to pick him up and he was about to make $50. He apparently prostitutes himself 3 times a week. I know this stuff actually happens, but I live in a primarily white, upper middle class area.
Oh he also has anal sex every Tuesday in the school bathrooms with the guard captain's ex-boyfriend.
tfw I have actual stories that sound like the lies told in this thread...
I did do some compulsive lies when I was younger in like the 4th grade and shit. At least the most embarrassing ones are around that age. At least I'm glad I wasn't alone in doing this shit.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:22:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I used to work at a sandwich shop and my assistant manager was the single worst liar I've ever heard. He once told us he was a direct descendant of Jesus. He has also told us he is immune to cancer (even though apparently everyone in his family dies of cancer) because he has the rarest blood type in the world. I can't remember what letters he used but it wasn't real and he said it's just that rare. There were others, but being 7 years later I still remember those.
Oh this will be fun. I had a thing with this one girl that made some pretty outlandish claims that infatuation made me believe for a time:
She used to do underground MMA fighting for money and never lost a fight. This girl was small af and had next to no muscles.
She owned several motorcycles through the 4 years she had been able to drive during her impoverished life before I met her. Apparently this broke ass girl had bought herself a five different sports bikes including a Ducati 1198 Panigale R that she then used to run cocaine for a friend.
She got pulled over doing 120 in a 75 with a couple pounds of blow on her but because someone in her family was a cop they let her go on the spot.
She scored an 2300 on her SATs. This woman is no where near what would be considered smart. Like we're talking about has a vocabulary of a fourth grader and can't do short division without help.
She won several BMX events, but got rid of all her trophies.
She also won sever motocross events, but got rid of those trophies as well.
But she was only half as crazy as this one woman I worked with that claimed she owned an albino peacock, had a pet monkey, had millionaire parents, used to be a model, and has a Ferrari that she leaves parked in storage to drive her nearly demolished ancient Toyota Camry to her furniture sales job so she can feel normal.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:24:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ooh! This is so late but I finally have a story for one of these!
So there was guy in my first year of uni who already had a bit of a reputation for lying/exaggerating. I was trying to be especially nice because I thought other people were just starting rumors and generally alienating him. I sat with him in a lectures for about a week and he seems a little odd but generally just friendly. One day we go to lunch at a nearby cafe, and this is the first time we're alone together, we sit down and it's quiet for approximately 6 seconds before he launches right into telling me about his cousins' 9 businesses which he is on the board of/invests in/manages which all involve some form of insider trading and mean that he is a billionaire. Yes not a dime a dozen millionaire, a billionaire. As a result of this he has a group of 7/8 super hot dancers who do all his coursework for him. Naturally. And he is always being followed by at least 4 personal security because people are trying to assassinate him. When I asked where exactly these people are he says he's not allowed to know because that would put him at risk and only one of his cousins knows who they are. I.....yh I nodded along and I don't think we spoke much after that.
aj240 · 1 points · Posted at 18:25:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He touched the world trade centres seconds before it fell.
My ex and her family were bat shit crazy, pathological liars. Here are some of my favorites:
Ex: Those nude selfies of some guy on her computer? It was collateral from her "gay friend" who helped her take the "professional" sexy photos for me as a gift.
Aunt: Claimed that she used to fuck members of REO Speedwagon and was on the cover of Hi-Infidelity (a simple google search debunked that one). She also claimed that the many charges of fraud, extortion, and identity theft leveled against her in her stint as an attorney (by several people) was all the work of a vindictive secretary.
Mom: Claimed that her line of designer scarves was going to be picked up by Versace, but that she decided she was no longer interested in fashion and decided that small town, residential realty was her true passion (until she became a waitress).
Cousin: Claims to have fucked Danica Patrick (possibly true)
There are so many more. Thank god that family is out of my life.
Years ago, my friend and I met this dude who turned out to be a ridiculous liar. Somehow, the conversation moved to this guy - let's say Jason - telling us about the time he went sky diving.
About three sentences in, I realize he is telling us the story - word for word - from Bill Engvall's 'Fifteen Degrees Off Cool' special. Like, literally word for word.
I'm trying not to be a dick so I cut in and say "oh, I love that stand up!". I'm basically handing him an out. Jason insists that he has no idea what I am talking about for a while, then switches it up and claims Bill Engvall stole the story from him.
This strange guy who used to come into the comic book store I frequent would tell us things like how he hired mercenaries from the deep web to assassinate people. And how he was on government lists for hacking into the pentagon and various other obviously made up tales.
We chose to take his word for it, however when he told us about all of his guns and assault rifles because we didn't want him coming back with them.
He was also a pizza delivery guy.
So tip your driver everybody.
My friend after returning from a cricket gap year in Australia has come back and told hundreds of clearly false stories. My favourite so far is after a heavy night out in the club he passed out on a friends shoulder. Now just for reference he isn't the most attractive man, but as the story goes, when he was passed out a girl came over and asked his mate to give my passed out friend her number when he wakes up. On following up about the girl, he said he never got I contact with her because she 'wasn't up to scratch' ... Utter utter bs...
The biggest liar I ever knew was a childhood friend that told me:
Him and his father were out flying in their helicopter and got stranded on an island in the middle of the lake because they ran out of gas. They gathered up some rocks and made rocket fuel and flew away.
A Nintendo store blew up in Japan and all of the games landed in his backyard. When asked where they were he said they were in storage.
Back when Bo Jackson was breaking a lot of bats over his leg in MLB he said that Bo was breaking metal bats now.
I'm sure there were more but this kid was full of it big time.
Late, but my best friend in the 7th grade's sister worked at a special-ed elementary school, the class put on a Sweeney Todd play, and my friend played Mrs. Lovett.
She came to school the next day and told us there was a scout from Broadway there that hired her to play Mrs. Lovett on Broadway. We were 12. She printed out a script and kept it in a binder which she brought everywhere to show people. When she inevitibaly was still in school weeks later, she told everyone her dad wouldn't let her go.
dkl415 · 1 points · Posted at 18:26:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A student claimed his father didn't have to pay taxes, after having done some special service to the government. I pointed out that was from the plot of Armageddon, and he stopped bragging.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:28:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I actually knew a few guys growing up that fit this bill nicely. If you put them all into our old party house together the gibberish they would spout was insufferable. However my favourite "statement of fact" from one of them was:
"I'm allergic to chocolate and milk, but not to chocolate milk"
My friend's girlfriend (ex now) told us how everyone in their church was given a penny and had to trade up to see what they could get. She said that she ended up with a brand new shotgun and her friend ended up with a car. The kicker was that they only had 3 days to get this done.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:30:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My brother likes to make up stories about how much money he makes, and how he lives his life. He also compulsively lies about little details to people if it's convenient. I can't think of anything specific at the moment, but he's been doing it his whole life.
That his younger brother died of cancer years ago and that day was the anniversary of his death. Those of us who had known him for a while knew this was a lie as the picture he showed everyone was just him when he was younger, thinner, and before he straightened his hair. But he did get some brief sympathy from the ladies until someone obviously told them the truth.
In high school, a friend gave me a "demo tape of his band" to check out. I put it in and it was Purple Rain by Prince. (My friend was not a member of the Revolution).
tngy · 1 points · Posted at 18:33:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
While on a plane back from Brazil after opening for Dragonforce, his bandmate/cousin was shot in the leg. On the plane, happened to be one Bill Cosby, who performed surgery mid flight to remove the bullet. Also said that he could shred faster than Yngwie Malmsteen
Our college friend was a compulsive liar and kleptomaniac. Stories about bar fights, cop chases, going to college, something about a broken leg, etc...
He'd steal from just about every store we'd go to. Anything, shit he didn't even need.
Back in the 90s I had a friend that claimed to own a neo geo. (A high price video game system) but every time we went to his house he claimed it was locked up in his parents room because he wasn't allowed to play it when guest were at the house.
Guy at my old job told me he knew Jay-Z went to the Brooklyn Nets game with him and good ol' jigga got him a record deal, mind you this guy made 10 dollars an hour working in a mailroom
I was a former compulsive liar (got therapy). Biggest whopper I ever told to a girl I was trying to impress was that I knew some guys in NASA and they were interested in sending me to space to install a thing I was working on in the ISS.
Now I'm going to leave you to figure out if what I just said was actually true or not. (It is, sadly.)
JE4215 · 1 points · Posted at 18:34:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a guy who claimed that his step father was a retired Navy admiral. He also claimed his step dad took him to Area 51. According to him Area 51 is empty.
I had a friend in High School who showed me a song and he told me he was the singer, obviously not. He told me that he changed his voice with the computer so that's why it sounded like that. Lol.
In my freshman year of high school, a girl in my homeroom class told me she was in the theater of the Aurora shooting. That was the same year it happened. She told me her sister was there and had been shot, but survived.
The following week, someone asked her how her sister was doing, she had the most confused, dumbfounded expression on her face and said, "What sister? I only have a brother."
You know, if you’re a liar and you’re reading this message, I want you to understand how destructive your lying is. Not just because it costs relationships with partners who once loved you, but because it stresses your relationships with your children too. Our daughter is 8 years old. She adores her father, but even at 8 years old she’s looking at him with wariness in her eyes. That is, I think, the ultimate tragedy of lying. When even your young children, the ones you adore, look at you differently because of your lying habit.
My brother lies a LOT and I've caught him several times, but the one that was just crazy was the story of him getting jumped by a group of guys after a football game.
We live in a town that is super into their college football team. My brother sometimes works at the football stadium selling food, so one night after a game he was walking home from work. He was stopped by a group of guys that attacked him because he was wearing our team shirt or something. They were fans of the other team that lost. They kicked the shit out of him and when he came home, my Mom freaked out. We believed him because it was so extreme and I couldn't think of a reason why he would make that up.
About a year later, I was hanging out with one of our childhood friends and we were drinking. He confessed to me that he had beat the shit out of my brother for harassing some girl. I was really upset about the lie...both because my brother had lied and that a close friend had beat the shit out of him. I never told my brother that I know the truth.
He was awoken by footsteps on the roof of his trailer park home. Turns out the AFT and FBI had both planned busts on a big drug dealer that lived in the park. They were parachuting in. Because they didn't know that they were both going in at the same time, they both mistook each other for the drug dealers protection force. A fire fight ensued. Many were killed.
He once took a course called "Street Fighting and Man Killing"
Someone cut him off, so he re-cut the guy off. Stopped his car, got out and punched the guy in the face...right through his windshield.
There are more, some are real. You probably wouldn't believe them. True legend this guy.
I know a guy who always told the biggest lies. One of them was when he claimed that he was going into boot camp and we asked him where. He told us it was in our area but... There was no camp in our area, alas we let it slide. So he went to the great lengths of purchasing a uniform and actuly not speaking to anyone for 6 full months... 6 full fucking months. He realy had the audacity to reject his friends (the only friends he has) for a whole 6 months. His parents later confirmed it was bullshit because they said he was home and they only went on vacation like once in those 6 months. We are no longer his friend.
Used to go to high school with one of these shit shows. She told us all she had an artery clog near her heart and had to get surgery or she could die. We were all so worried.
On the day of her operation, she's at school.
"Isn't your surgery today?" I asked her.
"Yeah, I decided not to go."
I was pissed because it was obvious she was lying. When I brought it up to my friends I was the bitch. Not surprisingly, she never wanted to talk about this heart issue again, and I was a bitch for bringing it up.
She also claimed to be pregnant once, even told her boyfriend. Then came back from the bathroom and said "Guys, I think I just had a miscarriage in the bathroom" like totally calmly. I told her she should go to the hospital if that's the case. She said she's fine. Never mentioned it again.
I learned to just ignore everything she said. She was nuts. Also I don't talk to those idiots again who defended such behaviour.
They made stories about me up behind my back for ages... we'd recently made friends with a new group of people and only after I was privately talking to one did she say "ya know... I was expecting you to be a prick". I was taken back and asked why... that's when I found out the monster he'd painted me to be.
This was like 12 years ago and the one really prominent story that sticks out still was one where he said as a kid I'd put my pet hamster in an RC plane and killed it. I didn't have a hamster or an RC plane as a kid lol.
Wierdly all his lies were sorta wierd and not like he was backed into a corner and lied his way out... it was just a proper compulsion I guess.
a girl i went to middle school with had quite a few memorable whoppers...
she had cancer (classic pathological lie)
she was suicidal and tried to kill herself by eating a jar of TUMS. when that didn't work she tried to jump off the [2nd story] roof but her sister caught her and talked her down.
she auditioned to be the spokesperson for hershey's kisses, but she didn't get the part because she was TOO TALENTED. the pepsi people heard about her and started a bidding war. she was then slated to become the spokesperson for pepsi, but it turned out britney spears's contract didn't allow for a second spokesperson.
she's a youth minister, happily married and about to have her second child. she actually seems to be doing really well today. middle school is hard.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:38:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was a semi-compulsive liar as a kid. Once tried to convince my friend that my bus was late to school because I was hit by lightning right as I was about to board.
In eight or ninth grade girl told our friend group that she was a princess from another country. Told us about all the cool rich people stuff she had, paparazzi etc.
She made her own Wikipedia page about herself but it was removed.
I had a compulsive liar roommate from college. My favorite lie came from when I asked him what he got at Burger King. He told me he got a Whopper when he actually got chicken nuggets.
He told me that they had a T1 line installed at their house when we were teenagers. He said it for no particular reason too, then freaked out when I asked his mom about it.
A girl I go to university with claims that her stretchmarks are knife wounds from her ex boyfriend.
A guy I went to college with claimed multiple feats of self defence including fighting off a group of guys that had knives using the chain attached to his keys.
"All actors at some point wanted to be professional athletes, but weren't tall enough" Same guy stole my gym bag in 8th grade and said his cousin happened to give him the exact sweatshirt that went missing...still see him around and he never ceases to amaze
A guy who worked for me made an excuse for needing a week off that was the same as the Michael child adoption story from Lost, which was about a week old at the time.
A previous co-worker and roommate provided these gems:
She was a professional sommelier in a high end restaurant when she was in high school. She had repeatedly told me her parents worked as laborers and tradespeople in the energy industry (oil fields, mining areas etc) so besides the obvious ridiculousness of a teenager having that job there is also the added improbability of a high end/fine dining restaurant being situated in a mainly industrial area to cater to a migrant workforce.
She was also a well paid model for several years before starting university, however she won't (more like can't) provide any proof.
She supplemented her income to over 100k a year (more than doubling her working wage) with freelance writing ranging from technical articles, fiction, poetry and op ed pieces. All were supposedly writing under one or more pseudonyms and she refused multiple requests by several people to read her work because of the 'personal nature' of the material. Strangely with this kind of income she still needed a roomate to help pay the rent and had 10's of thousands in student debt.
She claimed to maintain a paid subscription to one or more psychological and scientific journals (she was never clear on any details like names and numbers). During arguments or debates she would cite "studies" and articles that just happen to support whatever she was saying.
She claimed she was a high level french player but hadn't practiced in years.
Claimed to be an artist (she owned an easel) but never had any work to show because she would burn each canvas after it was done (because the work was too personal).
My current tennant.
She states she has pancreatic cancer (doesn't).
Says her house blew up on her during Hurricane Sandy and that the firemen dug her up from the rubble (she never was a home owner and her body is unscathed).
She has had 4 kidney transplants.
She used to go to bars and seduce guys and if they tried to take her home, she would get them so drunk and drive off with their cars and crash them and walk away from the site.
She has four kids from a previous marriage and a $6 billion dollar trust fund that her parents wont let her touch (as to why she is late on rent. Her parents also disowned her.)
Two weeks after telling us about her kids, she told us that she was never married and didn't have kids.
She uses four different names interchangeably (she actually does, we got in trouble for sending back mail for people who didnt live there, and it was hers).
We have tried evicting her and now she is claiming squatters rights, so now we need to get a lawyer.
A friend of mine at Highschool would visit his dad in a different city every other weekend, and would come back with ridiculous stories - presumably because nobody was there to confirm or deny them. My favourite one was a story about how he and his friend 'Tony' ambushed a poker game in a warehouse, in order to rescue Tony's brother - and shot several people dead. This is in England btw.
The best detail was that Tony's brother was named Anthony.
I worked maintenance at my old high school during the summers and there was an old bus driver/janitor that told the craziest lies:
He was Conway Twitty's bus driver for 20 years
He was a Captain in the Army and won a bronze star
He won the lottery and donated it all to St. Jude's, where there is a wing named after him
Was a foster child growing up (that part is true), but one of his foster parents was a famous televangelist who secretly made him work as a slave, with whippings and all.
He had kept a small portion (a few million) of his lottery winnings to live on and he worked as a bus driver for free because he just loved being around kids.
Now, I am open to the idea that some of those could be true, but this guy was a lifelong member of the community. I'd only been around 18 or 19 years, but everyone else had known him forever, and never once did any of those things appear to happen. When the other janitors would press him on the details, he got extremely pissed and would just walk off, unable to provide any kind of corroboration.
That right after he got his drivers license, he test drove a brand new Lotus. Proceeded to get into a drag race and ended up flipping the Lotus. He walked away from the wreck. Walked back to the dealership. Then he just tossed the keys back at the dealer and said "Hope it's insured" and walked out of the dealership.
A close 2nd place lie was he knew a pilot and could fly us all to Vegas anytime we wanted. Called him out on it a few times. Finally he admitted that he couldn't do it. Because the pilot got busted by the FAA for buzzing the tower. He didn't get busted for that, but when they came to arrest him on the plane, he walked off with only 1 can of beer left in his 6-pack holder. Arrested him for flying drunk. Can't take us to Vegas...
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:47:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he was in a high speed chase in a car with Fred Durst.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:48:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I worked with a guy who used to tell us that he flew home to England to visit his parents over the weekend, quite regularly. We worked in the DC metro area, which would've made the round trip flight about a 10 hour flight, excluding getting to and from the airport. He worked full time, so this was impossible, but he would double down anytime anyone suggested he was lying.
I told my classmates in 4th grade that I walked to the USA from Brasil. They said it was impossible but not because of the distance but because they weren't connected. So I made my fingers walk on the map showing how i could do it. Not once did they question the massive distance.
When I was younger and in my "asshole" days I would spend a lot of time with this girl from a solidified biker family....some claim "oh, my family is H.A." or something, but this was real. So real on fact I actually spent time doing little "here n there" for her dad. So I saw it and I knew it....all that aside, they were actually great people.
Now, here comes this girl Sheena...Sheena was a hang-around that always wanted to be a tough bad girl from the wrong side (er, our side) of the tracks but literally lived in a mansion and hid when her mom's Mercedes drove past the area looking for her.
One guy we knew used to claim he was so dangerous and trained he was registered a deadly weapon or some shit....never really questioned because he could actually fight and we've seen him beat up multiple people before.
Sheena meets him and he leaves.
Later that night, as if none of us remember, Sheena comes to biker house spouting off about how she's a registered deadly weapon and no one should fuck with her and....whatever, eyes roll, weed rolls, no one's paying attention.
Sheena needs attention.
Sheena decides that the best way to fit in is to talk to the other, older, actual biker broads as though she's one of them -- something along the lines of "outta the chair, bitxh"
The woman Sheena said this to was a tiny little thing. That tiny little thing punched Sheena in the mouth and Sheena's response was to fall to her knees and cry, holding her face.
It's silent because Sheena (and us young hang-arounds) were like 16-17 at the time and we all did just see a grown ass woman hit this kid.
Sheena's sobbing.
Suddenly my other homegirl who's in this family pipes up: "she's a deadly weapon. she's charging up".
There was this girl who once when we were in high school said he had traveled during the weekend to another state to have a heart surgery. Supposedly, it happened on friday, she came back on saturday, rested at her home on Sunday, and it was monday and she was at school. She even showed us "proof". A little piece of bandage at his chest (above the boob), covering the cut that was made to get to her heart. She also added that she couldn't get agitated at all, because of her condition.
Another day, she said she was going to move to another Country, so much people was saying goodbye (she was rather popular). The next semester she came to school and said that it was a joke.
I knew a guy when I was younger who couldn't stand being out of the limelight and if anyone upstaged him he would tell the most outrages lies in order to get attention. Bare in mind this was a long time ago but the Ps2 had just been released and he was yet to get one, well when me and a friend were speaking about ours he came out with the claim that through a connection in the industry he had got a PlayStation 7 that was brown and fury and his mum has go s pink one. Them being close family friends we still joke to this day that we can't wait for Sony to release this and tease him over not letting us play it
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:50:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Just before Christmas holidays, guy tells me his sister has died. In floods of tears about "how its going to be the first Christmas without her". To my surprise, I see the sister the next week. Apparently it was a joke...
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:51:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is sort of embarrassing because of how much I believed at first. I was a 14yr old kid washing dishes at my local cafe trying to earn some money. One of the kitchen hands was a 17yr old named Will, who I thought was the man. To pass the long hours in the kitchen we chatted away and this is what I learnt about Will:
He was a butcher working night shifts (while he was at still at school)
He was a world champion tae kwon do practitioner.
On weekends he worked as a bouncer at a club and often bet the shit out if people for fun and got away with it.
He spoke fluent Spanish (we are in New Zealand)
He was in the army
He went on peace keeping missions with the SAS to East Timor.
Because he was in the army they let him vote in the general elections even though he was 17
He as kicked out of his last highs hoop for beating up a teacher.
He was having sex on the regular. But would never go down on a girl coz real guys don't do that.
And many more I forgot or didn't realise it was a blatant lie.
A guy I know claimed to have personally known (Matthew Shepard,)[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matthew_Shepard] and had all sorts of inside info about a cover up involving the "truth" of Shepard's murder. He knew all of this because he was in Wyoming at the time of the murder for some kind of mechanic school program. Never mind the fact that he wasn't in Wyoming until ~4 years after the murder.
a kid i went to school with told me he found jesus's left sandal in his closet. apparently he also regularly got into fights with sharks and met indiana jones
One guy I know claims he runs three businesses and operates solely in Japan. He is apparently a programming genius and they pay hundreds of thousands to use his codes. Also he is fluent in multiple languages even though he never speaks them. Last I heard he moved to Japan to teach at a university after having graduated from high school. This kid is amazing.
I used to be an attention seeking little shit when I was younger. Some of my golden moments:
I kept faking passing out to seem cool and act like a victim.
I pretended that I was psychic, and would always fake talking to some dead girl who haunted the school
For the longest time, I told everyone that me, an 8 year old, was a secret spy who went to fight the russians every night, and told the teachers that i should be exempt from homework because I was "defending the country"
I was in detention, and asked to go to the washroom. I spent half an hour in there, shirking after school punishment, until I decided to go back. To explain my absense, and seem older and more cool, I told the teacher that while I was peeing, white stuff came out, and according to the library books, it was semen, meaning I was an adult now. Looking back on that one, I realise that she must have thought I was jacking it for 30 minutes... long live my 10 year old cringey self
Eh this one bitch who accosted Bernie in Seattle was sugarbabying in the area but hooked up with me (I didn't pay her shit) and she told me I was the only guy she didn't not use a condom with. I wasn't born yesterday. In the end she got her justice over whitey by stealing my weed after I told her she was too clingy. Oh, life.
A friend of mine was telling us about a guy on his baseball team when we were at work one day. It's not super crazy but it stuck with me for some reason. My friend was driving down the highway and called the liar to ask if he was on his way. Liar friend says he's stuck in traffic on the highway right before this one town. It seemed odd to my friend because he had just passed through it.
A friend of mine was telling us about a guy on his baseball team when we were at work one day. It's not super crazy but it stuck with me for some reason. My friend was driving down the highway and called the liar to ask if he was on his way. Liar friend says he's stuck in traffic on the highway right before this one town. It seemed odd to my friend because he had just passed through it.
First time meeting the guy in a girl's dorm room as he finishes helping her set up connection to school's Wi-Fi. She compliments him on being smart and he begins to tell us how his grandpa is able to hack into the white house mainframe because he use to work for them 30 years ago and they haven't changed the security since then.
Same guy: Tells me how he got a speeding ticket for going over the speed limit on his bicycle, 30 in a 20mph area. Dude weighed at least 250lb with turkey legs. Not sure if compulsive liar or just likes to peacock
There was this kid we had in our highschool. He graduated with my class at age 21 (four years older than everyone else). He was a serious compulsive liar and always found himself in shit with the law, teachers and everyone around him. It was sad cause 90% of the time, he wasn't doing anything wrong in the first place, he just lied to sound cool. Example: He's walking home in the dark one night from work, cop pulls over and asks hows he doing, tells the cop he was dealing drugs or something, lands himself in the jail for the night, tells everyone at school he beat up a cop and had to be taken down by another four and that they were crooked cops just picking on him for no reason.
Anyway thats not his biggest lie. Asides from all the talk of money, guns, drugs and cars that everyone got used to, this one pretty much drove him out of town.
It's a sunny day, about 4 weeks left of our final year and I think it was the second last game of the football season. Our league stretches the whole county, which is a small town kinda area. Loggers, construction workers, farmers and one of the bigger military bases are up here. Since this is kind of a big game for such a small area the local town tv station shows up to video, which is then broadcast live to pretty much everyone who has cable. In between plays they interview some students, pan through crowd cheering and make some commentary. It was half time, and theres about a 20 minute interval where our school is having a bbq. They crew decide to walk around and ask people questions. This kid somehow found his way in front of the camera. It started off great, he said he was excited to graduate and how its been a long time coming for him but he's excited to get out there and work. Follow in his dad's footsteps. 'What does your dad do?' they ask. Then he goes on about how he's been in the young recruits or something (I'm not military so I don't know the proper name) and explains how he's training for afgan after he graduates. 'Oh your dad must be proud!' they say. Then he proceeds to explain how his dad was killed a couple weeks ago over seas (we had a few guys from our town die over there during this time) and how scared he is but feels he has to go. Followed by this long patriotic fumble-brag.
His dad, who's a living breathing plumber, had to call into the local paper and give this lengthy apology after they picked up the story and printed it.
tl;dr - kid lied about his plumber dad dying overseas and claimed he was in the military
I had a classmate growing up who was pretty obsessed with the military and spent all of high school in ROTC. It seemed like a no brainer that he would be leaving for service directly after our senior year, but something must have happened that affected his eligibility. The next time I saw him was when I rolled through the Wendy's drive through a year later and saw him leaning out the drive through window to take a hit off of a pipe from the van in front of me. When I got to the window I asked him how things were going and he told me they were great. He had moved to Arizona and met an older lady, and they got married and came back. He said that he just took the job at Wendy's until the Army Ranger squad he was in had an assignment. This was June 2001.
Nobody saw or heard from James for 3 years, until he just showed up at our five year HS reunion party at a local bar. He was telling us about being shipped out to Afghanistan and fighting the Taliban, etc etc. Even though I doubted his Wendy's cover I even started believing him. He had so much detail.
As the night went on people began dispersing from the bar, and towards the dance club. At 2 am he asked us if we knew where any afterhours parties were going to be and none of us were much into the partying until the sun came up scene anymore. He stood up when the music died and yelled, "Hey everyone, I just got back from fighting for your freedom in Afghanistan, and I want to keep partying. Where's the PARTY?"
Apparently there was a group of men who had just returned from service also, and they walked over to him to say hello. They asked him what unit he was in, and where he fought. The mood quickly changed when he provided an inadequate answer, and I left as one of the larger guys was inviting him out to the parking lot. I left immediately as I didn't want to involuntarily be outed as a member of little Jimmy's platoon.
We later found out that the gaps in time were really stints in Jail and in rehab.
She claimed that she used to play tennis with one of the best tennis players of the world when they were kids.
Then She invited me out to play with her one day. She literally had never played a game before. Had to explain the most basic rules for her...
Still don't get why should would actively expose her own lies...
I know a guy who for some reason, out of all things, lies about the "fossils" he finds. He genuinely does go rock hunting; he does not find anything more valuable than plain rocks, but claims to find "gemstones" (watered down pebbles that are smooth) and "footprints" (erosion marks). He finds pictures of pretty rocks on pinterest and then uploads them to facebook and claims they are his finds from that day. He also has not completed a degree of any sort but claims to be attending a prestigious school for his ph.D in paleontology at a school that does not offer a ph.D program in paleontology.
There are cooler things to lie about. I don't really get this.
My brother and my dad got into a shouting match. My brother had left the house and said he was going to get the neighbors to call the cops on him. He came back like 30 seconds later saying that he had called the cops and they were on the way. He told/is still telling a lot of lies. Unfortunately he's my own brother and I can't trust him. There's a reason that I have trust issues and this is the primary reason why.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:58:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Growing up I had a friend who wore glasses but said that he was born blind and learned to hot-wire motorcycles for the hells angels by reading the brail on the wires. To this day he still says it's true.
Guy my sister was engaged to when I was a kid - the most obvious lie was that he was on the US Ski team. He didn't even ski - even when I moved to Vail some years later I invited him out to show his "stuff", he declined. Other lies (in no order of magnitude); he once stopped an armed robbery with his car, he saw bigfoot and had a sample of his fur (I shudder to think where he got that baggy of black coarse hair), and he was previously engaged to Olivia Newton John. Fun guy.
bodash · 1 points · Posted at 18:58:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
After he was arrested for drug charges the police made him a special investigator in the police force. We called him officer from that point on.
I only spent about a month around this person, and only for a couple weeks did i really talk to him. He had many stories of what he did at his home, most seemed legit but there were two that stuck out as BS. One was that he had an old cannon that he occasionally would fire off. The other was that he made a toothpick gun - which doesnt seem so ridiculous until he adds that it was fully automatic and it was heatseeking. He said hed use it to shoot mosquitoes down.
My friend who'm I know doesn't know how to drive stick told me some guy drove a lotus to the park and left the keys there so he took it for a joy ride without being noticed. When I asked him if it was stick he paused with a face that said 'shit I've been caught' and then said yeah and changed the topic and I didn't press further.
That she spoke something like 90 different languages. She was ~15 and in high school. It would've been really easy to call her on it but it was in an introduction to camp setting so nobody bothered.
One of the best ones my friend told me was that a car had driven through her house! It didnt make local news or anything. And I couldn't go round to see or anything.. for a week. By that time they had it all fixed up and repainted and everything. The insurance paid up straight away apparently so they got it all done super fast, same pictures on the wall, painted perfectly, same ornaments etc.
Knew a girl who kept lying and after I told her that I'm not going to continue with our friendship went on to..
Tell me she had a heart condition (never specified which despite being asked) that needed a surgery that had a 90% fail rate
A day after the "surgery" I found out through a friend that she managed to get a procedure that left no scars and had a high percentage success rate instead
When that friend broke it off with her.. she told him that her best friend had died the day before in a large city (we looked through obituaries in the paper and found absolutely no news)
If anyone wants to know I can explain more about the whole situation just don't want to make the post too long and these are the ones that stand out.
(On mobile sorry in advance for any grammar/spelling/formatting mistakes)
He did something for the police or some type of city service and got a badge that had his name on there. He may of even Prichard on the Internet, but he bragged that he works for the undercover police and he used to carry a non registered gun around showing off.
Ex-friend claimed that a dude on a motorcycle tried to race him at a stoplight. So he claims he came up behind the guy, did a wheelie on his own motorcycle, and gave the guy a little tiny nudge on his helmet with his front wheel to show him who was boss. Didn't fucking kill the guy or himself, just a little nudge to show him what was up, then the racer sheepishly pulled back. Such bullshit. And that's the reason we are no longer friends.
That he would build a beautiful wall along the US-Mexico border, and get Mexico to pay for it. Also, that he is a brilliant, billionaire businessman who always keeps things "very classy."
yarash · 1 points · Posted at 19:01:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"I only work here because I'm bored. I could make millions on the stock market if I wanted to." Yet he had a three hour commute to the office. He didn't last long.
What if most people commenting here are lying in a bid to get top comment?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 19:01:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Compulsive liar sister wanted to sleep in the downstairs bedroom at my grandparents when we came to town for a family wedding, but was thwarted by my having already requested to have that room.
Her lie:
She said she brought the house electrical schematics to her doctor, and he determined that the outlets upstairs weren't adequate for her CPAP machine.
Only met one habitual liar way back in middle school.
Swore he had a deal with Universal that they accepted his script for a new James Bond movie and are filming it right now. Wasn't allowed to reveal any of the plot or the title.
That he saw an advanced screening of The Matrix: Reloaded long before the movie was released and describes a couple scenes that never took place in it.
Is a master piano player and would always get a standing ovation at some local restaurant that let people play (not smart to brag to an actual pianist. He later couldn't find where "C" is.)
Is a computer expert when confronted with the fact that I'm some kind of computer wiz. Backed up his claim when he knew what year the first computer was invented and I didn't. He didn't know what an operating system is, or how to access the control panel.
He can run an 8 minute mile. He's a severe asthmatic.
Can shoot 9/10 free throws (how modest of him to not be 10/10!). He only knows the granny shot. Ball can't even reach the rim.
ct9520 · 1 points · Posted at 19:03:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My now ex girlfriend told me and my parents that her best friend died in a car crash while she was also in the car, crying mind you.
I call her and her mom, no answer
The ex texts me from her moms phone the next day saying the ex is fine
I call her mom the day after and she tells me that she has no idea what I was talking about, the ex was with her friends the other night when the alleged car crash happened.
Long story short she made up a car crash so she could be away from her phone and cheat on me and convinced my parents this happened as well.
Classic.
The next day I told her I was in a car crash and never texted her again.
When I was 12-15 I had a neighbor of the same age. When the second transformers was announced he claimed that he already had a copy of the 3rd and 4th movies, but couldn't let us watch them for legal reasons.
Shortly after we got our PS3, he then claimed that he already had a PS4, but had the same reason for us not being able to play it. Surprisingly he guess a decent amount of the features correctly.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 19:04:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Guy in my band class comes into class one day pretending to limp, with a blue athletic thing around his knee and tells us that he got shot working at Chuck E Cheese while wearing the mouse suit. Everyone goes home and looks it up and there's no news stories about a chuck e cheese robbery. The next day he comes in, no cast or fake limp or anything. Never speaks of it ever again and everyone acts like it never happened to this day (this was about a year ago).
Had a kid I worked with who would steal candy bars/snacks from the township gas station. I worked on a tree farm so we would occasionally stop there on breaks. Our boss was cool and funny, but this pissed him off, for obvious reasons. Later he asked the kid where he got the Snickers bar that he could see outlined in the kid's pocket, and he said from his cooler. Boss called bullshit and asked him to take it out, then observed it. "Then why is it all melted?" Kid continues to lie...
The best was when the kid wouldn't stay off his phone after multiple warnings and finally boss says something like:
"What is that!?"
Kid tries to hide it behind his back: "Nothing."
Boss: "DON'T FUCKIN' LIE TO ME!"
Then grabs the phone and chucks it into the woods. XD
ubetts · 1 points · Posted at 19:10:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a guy in high school that claimed he had the best "kind bud" and that we should come over and try it. When we got there, he said that he spilled grape soda on it and it disintegrated. This is one of a plethora of lies he was known for.
I have a friend of my wife's family that was both a pathological liar and a bit of an alcoholic. Probably the worst one I heard out of him was his telling a woman at a bar who lost her son a few years back that he lost his wife and son in a similar way.
He's never been married and tells everyone he's sterile from the military...
I've known too many insane liars in my life.
My grandma as she aged lost her mind, and to compensate she came up with stories to fill the missing pieces I guess. She lied earlier in her life according to my father, but as she aged it just got so bad. She claimed to have a firefighter boyfriend who at one point broke his legs on a roof that collapsed underneath him. He needed shin splints and so she didn't get to see him much after that. I think his name was George. She was very committed to this boyfriend. I honestly think he came up just because she missed my grandfather who died in his early sixties. I see my mother going down the same road as her mother and it makes me pretty sad. I hope I don't age this way.
In middle school, my friend Bryce and I had a strange friend named Ben. Ben and Bryce were both gay which in Texas was pretty rare so they became friends over their shared experiences as gay young people in the bible belt. Well, Ben always had a knack for fantastic stories. He apparently was on Broadway and was even in Repo! The Genetic Opera because of how great his talent was for singing. He was a back up dancer for Lady Gaga and would show us practice routines that conveniently had him out of the shot. Now, the lies devastated my friend Bryce and they stopped talking. In high school, Ben tried to reconnect with us but he was still lying. He pretends to have traveled all over the world and have a famous singing career. In his pictures he edits in the tags to famous clothing lines like Versace although he gets his clothes from thrift stores. He claims to have gone to Russia to see his birth parents, he claimed to be in England on facebook even though we just saw him at the coffee house last night. He lived a whole life inside his head I think. He also had a real love for ridiculous shoes that were high heeled in the toes and not at the heel. He would make his own all the time and require his more gullible friends to hold him up as he walked down the hallway. The stranger his outfits, the better.
Now that we are older, my husband has a friend from his older unit that followed us to his new unit. He's a nice guy and I like him but he is definitely coping for some mental anguish by lying. He tells all types of fantastical stories about his life in Louisiana and as the son of a pretty fucked up fisherman who doesn't love him until recently apparently. He claims he owns his father's current home and just lets him live there. He's told us crazy stories about how strong and tough he is as well. For example, when he was 15 some guy drove by him really fast as he was walking down the street and slapped him on the back of the head through the car window. So, he somehow catches up to the car and starts hanging on the car window and beating the guy up as the driver speeds up the truck. His friends totally filmed it and it got totally viral, just he isn't able to pull it up anywhere. Then he follows the guy home, because he apparently knew him, and was going to beat him up until his parents showed up. Then he felt bad and left. He's also fought dogs and had his hand "gutted", whatever that means. And always claims his dogs at home are better than ours and can do all these fantastical things. He also is super charming and can have any girl he wants if he decides to, but he's taking a break from dating so that's why we never see him with any girls. The only thing that perplexes me is that he may actually have a lot of money? My husband saw his bank account open on his computer one day and it had like a million dollars in his checking or something, but I'm still skeptical that's faked as well. He's a really nice guy, and we like him a lot, but he just always feels the need to over compensate.
My dad told me a story of when he was a kid and hated eating peas. There was Popeye on TV and he wanted to watch it but his Mom said he couldn't till he finished his peas. Dad took the peas and put it in the napkin and threw it away and made it clear to his Mom that she didn't need to worry about the napkin as he threw it away in the trash. Infact he really made sure as he kept telling her that. 5 minutes later he's eating the peas out of the trash can.
I had a great aunt who always told very very extravagant stories. My favorite one is how my grandparents met when my grandma was kidnapped and tied up in a barn, and my grandpa drove his truck through the barn and saved her......... In reality they met at the roller rink when they were teens.
I have a zealously bigoted lady at work who lies about facts, news stories and what's in the bible. Her current favorite tirade is how Indians own 95% of the gas stations in America. The Indian government has been supporting them to do this so they can hold oil/gas hostage from America. According to her this has been proven but Obama refuses to do anything about it.
I knew this chick who was such a compulsive liar. She claimed a famous rapper ate her out, she got sent to Hollywood on American Idol, none of her three kids were actually hers, but her nephews and nieces, she got accepted but declined three Ivy League universities, she was standing on the Brooklyn bridge when the 9/11 attacks began, when she was a child, her cat somehow made it from PA to CA to reunite with her family after they moved and left it behind...and that's not all. That's just what I can recall at the top of my head.
mpd105 · 1 points · Posted at 19:16:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Whenever this one kid tells us about any sort of sexual experience he's had with a girl.
I just....know.....I know he's lying
A kid who sat with us at lunch would lie about everything. I remember one time he told us his uncle worked at Microsoft and got him a copy of Assassin's Creed 3 months before it was released. He "Proved it" by bringing in the steel case you get if you preorder the game. He said he wasn't allowed to bring the disc though.
My ex manager at my old job was an habitual liar.
He was an avid paint baller for a group of guys, and he made it seem like he was one of the elite players in the country...but after a bit of looking into it, he was the guy that planned the trips, booked the hotels, and reloaded the teams bullets.
Also, same guy, he said when the Chinese Premier came to New Zealand, that he and his team were asked to be security for him because the Chinese security didn't have jurisdiction in New Zealand.
What a pack of BS.
My friend told me that he with GF had sex in a cornfield. In an orgasmic moment she raised her hands and the lightning stroke her in a palm! Becouse of this strike she... accidentaly TOOk a shit on him! But rain's not began so they had to stay there till night so nobody to see them dirty and stinky! Beeeaahhh!!!
I young man working at a restaurant tried to convince me he graduated 6 years early from k-12, invented a helicopter that the military is using that is made of crushed diamonds, and he is working at the restaurant because he is bored and really has so much money he doesn't know what to do with it. He was definitely lying..
An old coworker told us all she'd contracted HIV. Huge outpouring of love, sympathy and support. A week later she said it had been " a mix-up at the clinic" and that she was fine. Also she told everyone we were dating while I was trying really hard to patch things up with my ex-husband.
Guy I work with said he caught a raven bare handed, cut out its tongue, and it sounded just like a husqvarna chain saw, also told us about a hotel in a helicopter!
"I trained my pet extra rare black rattle snake to obey my commands. I would tell her 'Hey bitch, go get my cigarettes' and she would slither over to my nightstand, grab the pack in her mouth and bring them to me."
This was last year, in 10th grade. My liar "friend" is somewhat popular. So he says hes dating a girl from his church. Turns out its this girl he met through league of legends and lives in fucking North Carolina (I love in Canada). Fast forward 2 months, says he hooked up with one of the more popular/attractive girls in my school. Claims he got a blowjob during karaoke, and the girl is "crazy" for him. The worst part is he bragged about this to everyone, basically trying to convey that shes a slut or smth, like defemation. I confront the girl since im ok friends with her and ask about it. She had no idea what i was talking about, turns out he pulled this lie for like a month and made every fucking detail up. No one trusts him anymore. Fucking asshole
Told me he tried killing himself and was in the psych ward for a few days. Which is why he never came over to my friend's place one weekend with all of us. I got in contact with his parents and they told me he was playing video games by himself all weekend and didn't leave the house. Shit was fucked up especially considering his cousin hung himself a few months back and a friend of ours was actually in a psych ward for a mental breakdown.
I have an old band mate who used to lie to us about everything.
-can't practice because I'm really hooked on coke and meth. (He had never done either of them)
-told us he was best friends with the booking manager at Rise records and that he was emailing him all the time asking us to sign with Rise. When we asked to see the email he would just say he couldn't log into his email on his phone or some other excuse.
-got kicked out of his parents' house and moved in with a girl he just met and proposed to her. When she decided it might not be a good idea, he tried to guilt trip her by telling her he had a terminal brain tumor. Told us the same thing and that he was quitting the band. Another band member offered to let him stay with him and take care of him. He ended up staying there for two months and didn't pay for anything and made a giant mess everywhere. Finally, he broke up with the last girl and moved out of our friend's house and into another girl's house. A month or so later she found him fucking another girl in her bed and kicked him out. She later told us that he never mentioned the brain tumor and that he said he used to tour with Pierce the Veil and Slaves (both huge lies).
The most fucked up part about that story is that he kept telling us that he had cancer (which was a lie) and I actually have thyroid cancer, and he knew that.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 19:18:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a girl who would basically have been anywhere you've been. So I'd say I was at a beach in Florida, and she'd say she was too at some point, in college, studying underwater archaeology (which, isn't true).
One of the more ridiculous lies that I heard was from a girl who was a bit on the hefty side telling me she got a scholarship for swimming. So because I was a swimmer, I pressed on and asked her in what event and what her times were. She told me she got a scholarship for swimming a 50yd butterfly in a minute (something I was able to do within my first year of swimming). When I called her out on it, she said, "Did I say 1 minute? I meant 10 seconds".
I once knew a guy that told me he...smoked out a ghost. I'm not kidding. There was some legend at a cemetery not far from us of about some pigman(?) type ghost that has an axe for anyone who happens to wander in the place at night. Well, he says he just drove up to the cemetery one night and suddenly he spots the pigman ghost. The ghost apparently turned to him swinging the axe up, when my friend pulls something out of his pocket, a joint. The pigman stops what he's doing. At this point, the dude sparks the j up and offers it to the ghost. He says they then had an hour and a half conversation in the bed of his truck smoking joint after joint. Might I add that this guy was DEAD fucking serious, trying to impress all of my friends. I have never been so appalled at a lie in my life. I wish I could've recorded my facial expressions.
EXTRA: This same guy once told me he walked into a trap house in a very scary neighborhood and (lol) walked in by himself with a handgun and shot and killed nearly 15 people in the house. It actually got to the point where I couldn't stand being around this guy anymore. I sometimes wonder if this man legitimately had mental problems or if he's actually telling the truth and he's just the most bad ass man in existence lol.
Know this guy since middle school; we were in the same ESL class 6th grade. I tested out of ESL by end of 6th grade, he was still in it pretty much the entirety of middle school. Passed forward to high school, he adopted a new persona as this Americanized Vietnamese kid. These are some of the things he did:
-he claimed he doesn't speak Vietnamese well (except you were in ESL a few years ago T___T )
-called some Vietnamese kids at school "FOBs" (Fresh Off the Boat) (again, he was in ESL just a few years ago!)
-claimed that his dad make a lot of money and he family moved from FLorida for work (nope!)
-obviously gay in his demeanor (I'm also gay so I have gaydar) yet claimed to go out with several girls. These girls all said they didn't go out, they "hang out" as friends since they all think of him more as a girlfriend
-stole his brother's artwork and passed it off as his own
-fast forward to post-college years. He's now a pretty successful photographer but we learned that he made up a bunch of fake Facebook profiles to "Like" and comment on his own photos to appear popular
-still super closeted even though it was pretty obvious from his demeanor that he pretty much has two feet out the closet
sad because he's actually a talented photographer but I just can't stand his lies and general stuckup way, which prevent me from feeling sorry that he's in the closet.
Knew a guy who was a cook in the Navy, and claimed he got sent on a secret mission that resulted in him being the lone survivor of a ambush in Iraq. Thing is, I served in the military, and saw combat, thus, know what kind of questions to ask when someone makes a claim like that. He couldn't answer any of the questions, instead just claimed the info was classified. I mean, come on...a cook in the NAVY being sent on a secret infantry mission? LMAO!
Okay, time to tell the story of K.
I'm only calling him K to maintain privacy for him and myself.
I met K at 15. He was 5 years older than I was, and my best friend. He lied to me every single time we spoke. He didn't show up to my father's funeral because the woman that was driving him down here from upstate changed her mind half way through and drove back home, truth was he was at home the entire time, which I found out from his ex-wife.
He drank all day every day, and hid it from everyone.
He didn't show up to my wedding, saying he went to the wrong airport to pick up his girlfriend, even though there's only 1 airport in the area.
He promised we'd go to a Halloween concert, to which I spent my 15 year old self's life savings to buy a badass trench coat, and he never showed up, then said he went with a group of friends.
He lied to everyone about getting married. He kept it a secret and then tried to say he didn't get married.
He stole my original XBox and games, and my entire comic book collection, saying his sister took it from his room.
He would make up any story you can think of as to why he flaked out on our hang outs and planned events. One time he said he was 3 hours late picking me up because a police officer made him speed by pushing his tailgate until he went over the speed limit and they sat for 3 hours talking about movies.
So that's just a small bit, and I'll spare a shitload of small lies and get to the final one.
So I'm in my mid 30s, married with kids. I hear he's sober and back in town and doing great. So we talk after a few years of not wanting to talk (he said some nasty things while drunk) and he seemed great, like the old him, my best friend! He wasn't sober, and he later admitted he was on heroin in little sniffed bags he called fun bags. I told him to get out of my car and he refused, so I dropped him at his sister's house and drove off after tossing his bags from the car, which had a bottle of vodka he stole from his sister and it broke everywhere.
That's 1 person I grew up with that was a compulsive liar. There have been many. It often made me question my ability to know people, and if I was just insane. Thankfully MANY people have the same bullshit stories that he gave me, so I found out 99% of the things I thought were lies were lies.
Wow. The compulsive liar in my group of friends when I was a kid was also named Michael. Here are a few things he told us:
Someone came in the middle of the night and jack hammered the floor of his garage up.
Someone broke into his garage in the middle of the night and installed headers on his truck. He really just drilled a giant hole in his muffler.
Now this was a long con. Every single time we went to his house he would grab a garage door opener from the top of the fridge and press the button. He said that he was deactivating the house alarm system. He did this for 6 years.
I knew a girl that claimed to be an Olympic speed skater AND and Olympic cyclist for a European country (we're in Canada). She lived with some friends of mine and she every so often would make up "training sessions" and "meets/qualifiers" over in Europe. This of course meant hiding in her room for 3-4 days STRAIGHT. At one point they found a mountain of garbage stuffed between her mattress and wall.
Oh, lord. Had this one particular girl in school who really couldn't stand not being the center of attention. May have stemmed from a psychological disorder. I had the pleasure of being the most gullible one out of the bunch. Got things like:
-Said she spent her summers touring with Avenged Sevenfold, and that The Rev (their deceased drummer) was her cousin. Also made up hundreds of tales of shenanigans she got into with them.
-For no particular reason, first lied and said she had diabetes, took a regular cloudy blue bic out of her bag, said it was an Epipen, then proceeded to stab herself in the arm with it.
-After getting called on a particularly nasty lie during gym class, proceeded to return to my side after five minutes and say a mutual friend had called her all sorts of nasty things. Said mutual friend had been within my eyesight the entire time, and hadn't come within 20 feet of her.
-She was at least 2% everything. She was white, and at best had a mix of British and some heavily diluted French ancestry.
Most of this took place within the 6-9th grade. She still pawns the A7X story off on unsuspecting strangers.
there's a friend in my group that claims he was getting head from his ex girlfriend and her mom walked in. he claims she winked, gave him the thumbs up, and walked out.
To this day a friend of mine claims that he created the term 'dick weed' in the 2nd grade (1978)---to be fair, I don't really consider him an actual compulsive liar.
A girl I went to university with told various stories about her being Jewish, her twin sister dying of cancer, how this day was her birthday or how this day was the anniversary of her death, or the day she was diagnosed. In hindsight these anniversaries were announced when someone else was due to be centre of attention for their own birthday/family visit/last exam celebration.
After uni, I got to know her brother pretty well (ran a pub near me, support same football team). She married pretty quickly after graduating. At the wedding (already confused as her family were very clearly Anglican, not Jewish) I was sat with the family and made the mistake of saying to her mother something along the lines of 'this must be a pretty moving day for you, she always speaks so highly of her sister'. 'Umm, sorry what sister?'.
So I worked with this girl at a pizza place, generally night shift, 4- cl. And sometimes she'd hang a round after, so If I go with friends she'd tag along. (By this I mean it happened twice) She got to know 2 of my guy friends who worked at the same place. After that she would just stalk them there. My other coworkers knew my friends even if just face to name recognition. Anyway she started stalking them at their work and inviting herself out with them after.
Fun part, she started telling everyone at work about all the sexual stuff she was doing with them and how they were cheating on their girlfriends with her. They didn't have girlfriends. She also told us at work about how one friend had 3 jobs and the other had 5 jobs. ...but apparently they had time to do all this sexual stuff with her and attend all their jobs...
Mu69 · 1 points · Posted at 19:25:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend was "born"in China.
He says he's half Chinese but is Mexican, also his mom and dad don't look chinese
He visits china every year but never takes pictures.
Holy shit, do I have a story for you guys. So there's this old friend of mine I met in high school. We'll call her Mandy. We had one extra curricular class together when I was a freshman and she was a junior. Honestly, we were only acquaintances back then but somehow she gathered that we were close pals. I mean, we talked a bit in class, we knew some of the same people and I'm pretty easy to get along with- so I didn't mind too much.
A few years later she added me on Facebook. She would comment on EVERYTHING I posted. When I got my own apartment when I was 20, we discovered she lived really close to me so we started hanging out regularly. We had actually became really good friends for a long time until I started dating who is now my husband.
She was living with this guy that she was just soo in love with, even though they had only known each other for like a month or so... she always seemed to be constantly competing with me on who was the better couple. She actually just bossed him around a lot and treated him like a child, which was stupid because the guy was almost 30.. Then she would go on and on about how guys keep looking at her because she was so attractive. The only thing I could think that anyone would be remotely atrracted to her was her giant boobs, but they were like giant to the point that they were gross. She didn't have a butt and had a somewhat masculine face.
A couple months later, I became pregnant with my daughter. That's when Mandy decided she wanted to get pregnant, too. But it never happened for her and it caused a lot of strain on her relationship with that guy. She ended up having PCOS, which pretty much labeled her infertile.
She ended up leaving that guy and moved to Illinois with her grandmother. There was a time where she would claim to be in and out of the hospital and she would apperently have the nurses message me on facebook. That made no sense to me because that's actually not allowed for nurses to do. Of course I would be really worried about her and pray for her and things. But I was never sure to believe her or not..
Then she moves back to town and gets with this other guy. Considering how all her other relationships went, I told her to go slow with this one. Didn't listen and ended up engaged to him within 2 months. Then she tells him and I both that she was pregnant with triplets... she sent us sonogram pictures on facebook messenger but I never saw the actual copies. None of it seemed right because she claimed to be like 7 or 8 weeks and the sonograms she sent looked to be that the fetuses were more developed than that. This guy was still living with his parents and so they were super involved with his life. They called bullshit on everything. So, he and Mandy got into a bad argument. Then, I got dragged into it somehow and had to hear stories from both sides.
She then told us that the doctors mixed up her paperwork and stuff with someone else and that's why she thought she was pregnant. The sonos she sent she said were just cysts in her uterus. A couple days later she did the whole hospital crap again and posed as a nurse to talk to her boyfriend and I both about why she was in the hospital. Apparently her lung was collapsed and all this stuff, so he freaked out and called all the hospitals in town to find out where she was. Both hospitals said she was not there at all that day... I felt so bad for her boyfriend because he was actually a really nice guy. He called me bawling and told me everything he found out. The damn sonogram photos she sent were from Google....
I could not even believe the mess she made of everything. All the lies she told just completely unfolded all at once... I was embarrassed for her, honestly. I sent her a text to tell her that I knew she wasn't in the hospital and she better tell me the damn truth about what was going on. She never really told me the whole truth though, but I had to stop talking to her after all that. Her boyfriend broke up with her and blocked her from every social media account and even blocked her number. Just writing about it makes my head hurt the way it did that day.. The whole thing was just fucking insane.
'I went to Iraq and they tried to blow me up' was the one to make me realize that my ex was insane, along with a few others that I won't mention. Mostly because I've blocked them.
An old boss of mine who constantly told lies. Moved from living in a double wide to my area from Denver but was in "business" with John Elway back in Colorado.
Her grandmother was the reason for Hitlers shit in WW2.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 19:30:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The first girl i loved told me that we will date once she is ready and that the guy friend she was hanging out with (who i also knew for a very long time) was just a friend. They ended up dating before i got to date her. I legitimately am 100% positive that i was the only person who has ever genuinely loved her despite her bad mental issues. Nothing ever topped that lie.
My sister-in-law claims she gets five weeks paid vacation from her part-time job as a massage therapist. It irritates the whole family but no one says anything out of respect for my brother. He, unfortunately, has to go along with the obvious lie. She only works 14hrs total every two weeks.
Not as fantastic as some of the imaginative shit in here, but my sister-in-law is a pathological liar and this is fresh in my mind.
Oh man I've heard alot from one of my ex-coworkers, let's call him Jerry.
I once was talking to another friend about skydiving when Jerry, who is 19 years old butts in, "I've been skydiving at least 20 times. In fact, the first time, i was too scared so my grandpa who was flying the plane gets up and kicks me out of the plane and I have to buckle in the parachute mid-air!" Yes, because you buckle parachutes in. And his grandpa was an 85 year old drunk, nit a pilot.
Another one started out, " hey man, do you know any good lawyers? Because years ago I wrote an album for a band and I never saw a dime or got any credit for it." so I asked him what he wrote and he says "oh it's called Crane Wife for this band called the Decemberists. We used to hang out at the same bar and I'd help them write". Yeah I don't think the Decemberists came to a bar in Albuquerque to have a 16 year old write an album for them.
This guy tried to tell me he used to own my old car. Couldn't accept the fact that I bought it from two states away where it had lived it's whole life and I had service records to prove it. He claimed they were falsified.
Had a random roommate in college who had his girlfriend over fairly often at first and then she stopped showing up, he told us she failed out and moved back in with her parents. She came by later to get some stuff she had left there and turns out she had just dumped him. They got back together later and he told us he was basically paying for her college since he was dealing drugs (this part probably true) and his parents were rich while hers were poor so she "had come crawling back when she realized she couldn't do any better"
Then since we were already on the topic of his parents he told us they were both gay but had gotten married since they were from the religious south, and now they were rich but the companies they owned were too "legally entangled" to get a divorce so they just cheat on each other at gay swinger parties all the time. They came to help him move out and seemed like normal and well adjusted people.
As a freshman in biology he told me that he had created/bred (whatever the term is) anthrax, smallpox, black plague that were completely resistant to any medication and all he would have to do to kill most of the world's population was throw one in his backpack while leaving intro bio lab 101.
He said he swam and did shooting sports at an Olympic level in high school and had been approached by the Navy Seals about joining them directly, and was thinking about taking a few years off between his undergrad and doctorate to go be a Navy Seal since when you get discharged from Special Forces you are allowed to carry any kind of gun you want anywhere, even private businesses with "No Guns Allowed" signs and college campuses apparently have to let you carry these loaded guns since you used to be a Seal...
Also, he drank all of our fucking liquor all the time even though we offered to buy for him, dude was a total jackwagon
He told us he was:
A professional chimney sweep for rich neighbourhoods in the city
A high level warlock in the local wicca cults
Going to hook up two printers together and make a 3d printer ( argued for two hours straight on that one, we had to leave it)
That huskies, unlike other dog breeds, are entirely nocturnal and being awake during the day shortens their life considerably
That on seeing a pitbull and having a friend comment on how pretty it was he said he'd owned three before (known him my whole life and was standing beside him...cmon man.....)
That he was an accomplished dance and singer from a young age ( again, see above.)
That he's a big name in the local standup comedy circut in our town, and no sorry I forgot to invite you guys! My bad next time for sure!
He's an accomplished capoaeira martial artist. (was this before the pitbulls and during the dancing??? Riiiiight dude, sure)
There's plenty more but boarding a plane right now, enjoy!
I have many stories from my ex-boyfriend's sister in law. This, however, is my personal favorite.
She was in a cemetery late at night when she saw a young boy alone playing with a ball. When she asked what he was doing there, he said he couldn't leave. She asked his name and discovered he was dead when she realized it was the name on the gravestone he was playing next to.
...that shit is literally from an episode of the fresh Prince of belair.
smer85 · 1 points · Posted at 19:34:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A girl in my high school class told us that she was having open heart surgery to correct a heart defect. As the date of the surgery arrived, she got the flu, so the operation was rescheduled. Then, she had bronchitis. Rescheduled again. After she was ill a third time, pushing back her surgery yet again, one of my classmates ran into the girl's grandmother in the hall at school one morning and asked if the girl was going to be ok. The grandma was shocked and had no idea what the girl was talking about. Turns out that her granddaughter had made the whole thing up so people would pay attention to her. We did, so I guess she got what she wanted...
(On mobile and also my first post so apologies about formatting ect.)
This one guy I know, you can't trust a word that comes out from him.
My personal favourite thing he has come out with was that his stomach acid is double in concentration. This in turn gives him a hyper fast metabolism and if he doesn't eat enough each day he'll randomly collapse. (This guy is super skinny)
He has supposedly designed multiple stunt formations for the Red Arrows.
He's supposedly helped in the special effects in Transformers 2 & 3 (despite not being credited)
I've known the guy for 15 years there are God knows how many lies he's told. Should really start writing them down.
Man oh man, an old co-worker would just tell the most entertaining stories. We knew he was lying from the get go, but they just became wonderfully absurd. My favorite one is impossible at almost every step.
"I bought a boat last week, and took my parents out on the local river. We get out to the middle of the river and the boat starts sinking, i grab my mom and swim her to shore. We were starting to get cold so we had to strip down to survive. We run through the woods and we find this couple having sex in the woods! we ask them to come back to help get my father out of the river. We get back and I swim out to get him. I rescued him and my mother but the boat sank to the bottom, I hadn't registered it yet so i just left it there"
Mind you this river is about 2 feet deep and full of rocks. Also it was July when he told me this.
Oh, he also claimed that he forged his own katanas and received all sorts of signed shoes directly from Michael Jordan. He was a weird guy.
When I was in middle school my best friend told me that he killed a jackelope with five shots from a BB gun. This was the first time I called him on his BS. A jackelope was a creature made up by a taxidermist. If one of these mythical creatures existed, it would certainly take more than a BB gun to take it down.
My friend told me in 7th grade that he wandered downstairs on Christmas Eve one year to the sound of bells. He said he caught a brief glimpse of Santa throwing something at him. His eyes were filled with with a mucky substance which he later identified as paint. Red and green paint. That's right...he claimed that he caught Santa (literally) red handed and Santa threw paint in eyes as a punishment, or a maybe a distraction while he got away.
My former boss told me he had been in a coma for five years and he was one of seven people on a super secret special forces group. If the president said a certain word in a public address it meant they were called up for a mission.
We worked with a guy that was a compulsive liar. He told us that he had taken last year off and gone sailing around the world with a girl who was a princess and going to become queen one day. He did not as he was working with us last year.
He couldn't tell us the name of the country where the girl was Princess/Queen from, he couldn't remember it, but he was pretty sure it was in Europe.
He decided that he was the "head of his household" and all of his slacker friends were his dependents so he claimed some outrageous shit on his taxes. Then he would brag that he got paid more than anyone else at our work because he was smarter at taxes than the rest of us. He got fired for some super stupid stuff and the IRS came looking for him.
Let's see... came to our dorm with fake stores about picking up chicks in JROTC. The usual. Few months later he was telling stories about being in the special forces. Special forces sniper. Keep in mind this kid is barely 18. Disappeared for six months where he claimed be be disabling IED in Iraq. And Afghanistan. And sniping illegals on the Texas border.
I'm going to hazard a guess that his sleep apnea that caused him to fall asleep and almost burn a hole through his helmet with a welding torch was just the cover story to get him back into service.
I once knew this guy lets call him Q. He was a DJ at my college and knew everyone but Q had a problem of lying. So Q dropped out of college but still hangout around campus and would always join me and my friends during our Tuesday break. Now I knew Q's brother really well and he told me that Q was taking a year off from school to DJ full time. So here we are sitting down during our break and Q comes over with his backpack on and is like "man this class sucks, I need to study for this bio test". We all know Q isn't in school so we just play along and keep asking him questions. Now its 5 months later and like clock work Q shows up with his backpack and tells us about the "class" he just got out of. He was living a lie, and we all knew it.
TDLR: Friend lies about going to school, pretends he goes to school by showing up to fake class everyday.
A woman who worked under me at an old job who was full of crazy stories. She once called out because her grandfather had died. She came in the next day and says he didn't die but the family all thought he was on his deathbed so she took the day off. He didn't die (at least not while I was still working there) but a few months later she called out saying her grandmother had died. Apparently this time it was true but she came in the next day with a story about how the hospital where the grandmother died had lost the body so they took her (the co-worker) to the morgue and made her look at 11 different old lady cadavers in an effort to ID her grandmother's body. Who uses (made up) stories about loved ones dying for attention?
Very late to the party, but I had this girlfriend in 8th grade and didn't realize she was crazy. She gave me a note everyday when school was over to read on the bus.
She always claimed to have Leukemia, but one day she really said some bizzare shit in a not.
She Put all of these frownies on the folded up note and the note read something like this:
I was playing fetch with my dog and I accidentally threw the ball too far and when my dog went out to the street to get it, a car plowed him and blood splattered all over me :[ I had to take 18 showers to get all the blood off, but I think some is still on me :[
I SWEAR she said exactly 18 showers. I still have that note to this day because it was just so unbelievable
Dude I deployed with. Obese, body like a reader, never played a sport in his life.
-Had the sack record in Indiana,
-When his dad was still a Colonel lever operator in Marine Force Recon, he cmae back from a mission to North Carolina and didn't want to miss the state championship game his son was playing in, so he had the pilot fly to the football field and he repelled on to the field to watch the game.
-On a physical fitness test, he did 0 pull ups, told the admin he did 17
-Told his friends back home he was counter intelligence, but actually was Tactical Data, which means he was Geek Squad for the Marine Corps.
-Told me he read Atlas Shrugged, over 1100 pages, in five days.
-worked some ridiculous amount of hours, then went to school for an equally ridiculous amount of time before the deployment, that totaled to about 22 hours a day, and that was just clock in/out. Never mind drive time, meals, sleep etc...
Texy · 1 points · Posted at 19:43:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My brother in law to claimed to have been on Shark Tank pitching a car dealership in a derelict football stadium.
There was a kid in my drumline who was notorious for making up stories and getting mad at people for not believing him. He told us how, despite XBox live's internet for XBox was discontinued in 2010, these guys had somehow hacked it so they could keep playing as long as they were in a party and that the last game of Halo was played in 2014 and they just kept it on. I looked it up to get him to shut up, and he cussed me out for not believing him.
I worked with this Guy from 2006-2008. A few choice selections:
Every man in his Family had been a Marine dating back to 1775
he had no fears because he had been shot, stabbed and a POW (he was roughly 30 at the time of this story)
he was drafted by the Boston Red Sox as a pitcher, but instead elected to be a Call Center Supervisor because "pitchers have short careers"
On a Call Center Supervisor salary he had season tix to the Pats, Red Sox, Bruins and only half-season tix to the Celtics
I managed to get an invitation to a Pats vs Bills home game. He claims he'd pick me up in a Winnebago. It didn't happen. On Monday he claims he was at the pick-up spot, but I never came out.
This happened to several others.
Within a month of working with him he opened a Cell Phone Store. One day with great pride he told me his Cell Phone stored cleared 20K of profit during it's Grand Opening. Now he'd be able to afford the 5000sq ft house his Wife wanted.
I miss that fella. I had a way of antagonizing the best lies from him.
For instance, I'd be like "just got a TV this weekend. Nice 42 inch plasma". BOOM, he'd be like "I just bought a 90 inch screen, it came in 4 screens and had to be installed professionally".
I knew a guy who told me he was trading on Alibaba with a Shea Butter company in Africa and PR where he had contacts. He was supposedly the importer for his sister's upcoming beauty products. However every two week his phone was cut off. Nevertheless, he swore he was taking flights and shaking hands to do business. Yeah, right.
I had a friend who claimed to be fluent in russian. I went to college, took 3 semesters of russian, then visited him and tried to start a conversation in russian. He claimed to have forgotten it.
This is all actual factual history, and worth reading because the repercussions have effected every single one of you.
This guy on flickr claimed he "discovered" a "unique logarithmic approach to hdr processing" all "thanks to my background in computer science" through which he was "taking the art of hdr photography to places it's never been before!" Not sure what that last part was supposed to mean but he was claiming everyone elses photos were full of "artifacts". So I guess he is some kind of HDR Superman or something. I mean look at that exclamation mark. wow!
Now the technique in question is known as stairstep processing and it was actually discovered by a team of computer scientists who spent a year running experiments to scientifically prove the theory. Surprisingly enough the guy wasn't on the team. It turns out he read("discovered") about it on another website(most likely fred mirandas forum which had been selling a photoshop action utilizing the technique for years, or one of Scott Kelby's books he's gone over it many times) which means his "background in computer science" means he knows how to turn on a computer and fire up a web browser. Or something. I try and ask him specific questions but he always turtles up and hides behind his followers so I can't say for sure if that's what it means. As for the taking it to places it's never been before. Well.... artifact free digital HDR photography(in relation to artifacts from hdr algorithms not regular digital camera noise/banding etc) has been in existence since the 80's so I have no clue what he is talking about tbh.
It seems super obvious right? And easy to debunk if you just look at one word: "logarithmic". If what he is saying is true then he should be able to produce some math right? Right. One of the many things I asked him but he just refused to play ball. So I had to call him out in public on flickr and well....that was kind of a clusterfuck. We'll get into that another time reddit. Google is involved(they invited him in for a Google Talk for some reason that's beyond me) and they refuse to own their part in this. So I am giving them every chance to do the "right thing" . Not that I think they WILL do the right thing I just need to make sure I at least give them the chance and document it so they can't turn around and paint me as the bad guy.
So him and his brother ended up stalking me over the course of a weekend in my hometown, ending up with a confrontation at the local fairgrounds. I was picking up some photos I had submitted to the local county fair. There was a three day window to pick them up and I went on the last hour of the last day because I am a procrastinator. So anyways the whole photography exhibit is organized and put on by The Ventura County camera club who have their own flickr group. Turns out some were fans(originates from the word fanatic btw) and together they set up this weird ambush type thing. It was loosely parodied on GTA V
It was so surreal, I walked into the building and told one of the attendants my name and she directed me to a table in the middle of the room away from everyone else. All of the tables with photos were lined up along the walls and everyone else picking up their work were congregating around them, but they had me sit right in the middle of the room away from everyone else. Right where they could all get a good look at me you know? So fine, whatever, have a good long look at the troll or whatever. I look around and see this cowboy looking guy(complete with giant texas belt buckle) "mad dogging". I mean he was trying so hard you guys, it was actually kind of cute looking all screwfaced and shit. So I just cooly stared at him with my arms crossed and a slight smile on the corner of my mouth. And stared. And stared. And stared. He started glancing around the room trying to act casual and then finally he looked at me again. And I just stared with the same unblinking expression on my face. He quickly looked away and it looked like he turned a little bit pale. I think I psyched him out pretty badly reddit. It's strange because he was almost twice my size, I mean he was a big bubba texas sized mofo you know? You know now that I think about it he might be a bit of a Lennie. Just another victim of his manipulative brother. Damn now I almost feel kind of bad. Almost. But that brings us to the next part.
So I pick up my photos and walk out the door. At this point I was pretty agitated as anyone would be. About twenty feet away I see some other sketchy dude doing what can only be described as "skulking about". So I walk by and he goes "Hey, how did you take that?", referring to a lightning photo I was carrying in my hand. So I explain it to him and then he goes "Really?" in a very very accusatory and challenging tone of voice. So I turned all the way around to face him and sized him up(looked him up and down) and said "what?" in the same tone of voice. Kind of a "wtf did you just say to me" type of tone. He just says "Gotta go", and turns 180 degrees and starts walking away very quickly. At this point I said "Yeah you better fuckin' walk away." I saw his head twitch a little bit so I know he heard me, but he just picked up his pace. At this point I was thinking to myself wow that kind of looks like HDR Superman, so when I got home I looked him up and sure enough. It was him.
I did some more digging and found out some very interesting things. Check this out: I started doing HDR photography, he starts doing HDR photography. I posted a HDR tutorial on flickr, he turned around and posted one on his website. I bought a $3000 full frame Nikon camera and 14-24mm lens, he turns around and buys an $8000 full frame nikon camera and 14-24mm lens(all while claiming technical superiority thanks to his unique technique remember). I posted an old newspaper clipping from when I was bitten by a rattlesnake when I was four years old, he turns around and posts some story about how when he was a child he had some eye surgery and it's some kind of miracle he can even take photos in the first place. One of many burning questions I have for him is the name of the procedure. I am assuming it was some basic out patient lazy eye surgery or something. Anyways that's all in chronological order and combined with the whole first paragraph you can almost graph this guys "crazy" over time in an upward trending line.
So yeah, it seems to me like he was slowly taking small pieces of my life and pasting it on his, all while taking credit for other peoples work to make himself look like some kind of expert to promote his blog. Kind of seems "cultish" tbh. Some other things he called himself "King of HDR", "a pioneer in HDR", and there is so, so much more but this post has gotten too long already. So that's it for now, we will go over more in the future I'm sure.
This local bar I was at serves pepperoni pinwheels (rolled up pizza slices), and I decided to try what one was like with a little bit of spaghetti carbonara. It was absolutely delicious.
He told me "oh yeah, there's this place nearby that sells carbonara pinwheels and they were really good"
Bullshit, man. Those are two very specific meals that I doubt you've tried them together before. You don't even like spaghetti carbonara.
Poast · 1 points · Posted at 19:56:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
its funny because the best liars wont be mentioned here
My compulsive liar roommate told me she wasn't stealing my clothes. After I had gone in her room and found at least 10 items of my clothing... including some of my underwear.
This chap I worked with as a hospital porter when I was a student, he said he had a girlfriend in Holland (we were in England at the time). Anyway, people were asking him questions about it, suspecting that he was lying.
As he had 'seen' her in Holland before and was going to see her again, in Holland, the coming weekend, someone asked if he had a passport. His response was unforgettable... "No I don't bother with them, I just show them a photo of me"...
Friend in college who told a lot of tall tales. Our breaking point was when she, a 5'8" 100 lb gal once lifted a car that was on someone's foot 6"in the air due to adrenaline.
Another friend just flat out said it did not happen. He was adamant that we all go to his car now to prove it. That was a nice awkward moment.
Oh and also that one time where Tom Brady hit on her at a bar, before he was famous of course.
Oh boy. This guy is known as an "one upper". Best lie I can remember from him is when a few friends and I were talking about guns, and he comes in and tells us that in New Mexico, he has a personal trainer for shooting. This trainer is black ops and he can't tell me his name. So he says he shot a .50 Cal sniper rifle, but it's a top secret kind that only black ops have, so he can't tell us about it. Then he set a record for his town because if you can hit the towns water tower from 5 miles away, you get your photo plastered on it. So he hits a small water tower from 5 miles away, 3 times. Then he drained the tower. Then he had to go hide at his house which conviniently behind a cartel leaders house and the house is booby trapped with explosives so it's okay because no one would try and come into the neighborhood. Classic One Up Olson.
He spent New Year's in a club in Manhattan with Justin Bieber doing coke. Got called out for it when we looked it up and found out he was actually in Paris last night.
Also told us that he was planning on moving into an apartment in a nice part of Brooklyn where the rent was only $500 a month for a three bedroom apartment with parking and wanted us to go in on it with him.
Also told us he's an insurance agent and a big part of his tactics for getting new clients involves standing outside of his building, and whenever someone walks by with a stroller saying, "You should really be thinking about your baby's future."
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 19:59:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Im late for the party but all from one girl:
1.she had multiple celebs numbers in her phone, Christina Agulerra (sp), Daniel radcliffe etc.
2.she was dating Daniel radcliffe and fell pregnant (at 13/14) with his child
3. That he, Emma Watson and Rupert grint were coming to the cinema with us for my birthday to see the return of the king (she was the friend we felt sorry for), but the helicopter broke down and so they would take a limo but might not make it in time.
4.That she has breast cancer and it was terminal and she has months to live yet had never missed a day at school.
5. Had fake phonecalls with various celebs on her phone at school lunch.
She wasn't well liked, we sort of felt sorry for her but didn't feed into her bullshit.
Claimed he was a successful stripper in San Francisco (dude was pudgy, short and ugly as sin)
Insisted that he was the personal chef of a dozen different celebrities (I met him when he started working at my movie theater)
He bought or stole someone's army uniform to pretend that he was leaving for boot camp. It already had rank badges(?) and it wasn't even his name printed on it
“When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending their best. They’re not sending you. They’re not sending you. They’re sending people that have lots of problems and they’re bringing those problems with us. They’re bringing drugs, they’re bringing crime, they’re rapists, and some, I assume, are good people.”
I know a guy who told me that he played soccer in the English Premier League for QPR and Tottenham, and maintains / perpetuates this story. He graduated high school in the same area the same year as me, and wasn't even good enough to play for my club team.
gnyrt · 1 points · Posted at 20:01:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh, you're talking about Matt. Used to get high after work with him. Apparently, had been on two tours in Iraq (bragged about killing people), even had shrapnel in his leg still. Dude was a fat 20 year old kid. Used to tell me whatever music he'd put on was his band when it was obviously 3oh3. Left my guitar in dudes jeep one night and never saw him again.
Fuck you, Matt.
liz91 · 1 points · Posted at 20:01:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Said he made like $300K on a DJ job. I called him out as to why he still lives with his mother lol.
I could go on and on about this one. I had a friend in high school that was a compulsive liar . At the time she was a new student and me being the friendly person that I am I started talking to her. HUGE mistake.
She lied about not eating McDonald's ..... The first day I went to her house her dad brought her , her "favorite" meal from there .
I told her about my pet chihuahua. She then told me about her dog. Went over to her house and there was no dog.
She lied about having a hummer. She didn't even have a car.
She lied about having an older sister.... No sister.
Told everyone she has a tattoo on her ribs. No tattoo.
Told everyone she was in level 4 in competitive cheerleading. The poor girl could barley do a cartwheel.
Told me her "cheer coach" made her eat semi raw chicken and broccoli everyday to stay "fit". Raw chicken gives you salmonella.
One day she sent me a picture of some chick off Pinterest and she claimed it was her .... The picture obviously wasn't her. You couldn't see the girls face but you know a Pinterest/Google picture when you see one.
I'm sure there is a lot more things she said that I can't recall at the moment but it's pathetic how people feel the need to lie like that.... Come on people.
Btw sorry about all the grammar errors. I suck at writing.
There was this kid I went to middle school with, he would lie all the time about being a part of things he obviously missed.
One lunch time Me, Him, and a couple other guys were sitting at the same table. I was sick of all his pretending to be there for every moment and I made up a story about going to a nude beach in Sweden and banging a how Swedish girl (100% not true, Plus were American so logistically this would be very difficult). I was a little worried I made it too outlandish, but lo and Behold 30 seconds after I tell him he's telling a kid at our table about how he also went to Sweden and also banged a super hot Swedish girl.
I promptly renege on the story and basically say it was a big joke, expecting the kid to notice that he was lying and say that the story wasn't true. I probably shouldn't have underestimated his lying like that.
Instead of backing down, He sticks to his guns and doubles down on the story and startle prattling on about how I must have forgotten the experience because it was so traumatic to have his sloppy seconds. He never admired that the story was even slightly exaggerated and kept telling and retelling the story to anyone who would listen until it got frankly quite ridiculous. Despite all the teasing and collective mistrust, he never said it was anything but true.
At the end of 8th grade, he moved out of town and I haven't heard from him since. To this day, he is probably still telling the story of his Swedish conquests
-Told us he could do a backflip on a snowboard. When he went to do it, just went over the kicker -'d said that they changed the jump so he couldn't do it.
I went to university with this kid who said he would drink a bottle of vodka to himself everytime he went out with his super rich friend and only get buzzed.
We went for drinks after this group project and he had a small vodka and coke. Then said my beer looked interesting, got one for himself, said it tasted like soap, couldn't finish it and started saying how he was feeling super drunk.
I know mixing drinks gives you a different kind of drunk so I would've given him the benefit of the doubt but the guy kept telling stories about his "friends" in American that were VERBATIM stories told on the Rooster Teeth Podcast. Which we had talk about the first time we met.
A former neighbor of mine, 24 at the time, uneducated, unable to write or even read, working as a cattle farmer for his parents (mostly selling cow milk to people in a pretty well-off neighborhood), told me the following story in multiple consecutive lies:
He used to be a Navy Seal in America (we live in Bulgaria), he has access to an arsenal of 50 cal sniper rifles and miniguns, drives a Dodge Viper (no license), and blows his retirement money on hookers.
He has worked as a hitman for a while, and told me stories with lots of detail, some even mentioning the places where he buried the bodies. On several occasions the guy expressed his hatred for a certain friend of his, saying that he would "call in his boys" from the good old times.
He once told me of a helicopter that crashed in his backyard, that apparently had a safe full of various guns, even a bloody Stinger, as well as millions in cash, that he was waiting to spend on the right mansion.
As I said, dude was 24 at the time. For a 12 year old like me, he was a damn hero. Looking back at it now, the man lives quite the sad life, his parents never letting him go to get some proper education because there were "cows to feed". My dad and I used to build him PCs from old parts lying around that he would play World of Warcraft on. I'm just surprised that he didn't just do some numerous raids in Al Quaeda to earn a quick buck. I would.
I once said I could blow up a battery with my mind. Also, was and still am but slightly less addicted to DBZ. I swore up and down that I was a super saiyan. TBH I was a twat and hated my childhood ha.
This one guy tried to convince me that he wrote the imagine dragons song "bleeding out" and that imagine dragons stole it from him. Fortunately my film teacher taught Dan Reynolds when he was in high school, and reached out to him asking him who wrote the song. Dan replied saying he writes all his own music and "that kid is an idiot."
Some guy once told me he picked up 4 models from a club and had sex with all of them at the same time for a full day.
This guy couldn't even take a shower every week, let alone get into any strip clubs underage. But he was somebody's cousin and it was best just to nod and change the subject.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:08:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I used to work this guy who:
-Was the manager of an OK Tire and knew everything there was to know about tires
-Had shot black tar heroin between his toes
-Once had sex with 7 women in one day
-Done every drug on the face of the earth (including agreeing to several made up acronyms)
-Killed at least 3 black guys and 1 asian
-Been married 4 times
-Never eaten a hamburger in his life
-Had his dick pinched by a lobster
-Managed 6 restaurants at the same time
-Fucked a celebrity (but wouldn't tell us who because "you guys never believe me anyway")
Jim, you lying sack of shit. You were the only thing that made that job worth going to.
-He got cancer in his throat.
Fortunately the tumors popped out by themselvs after a couple of months and he's now cancer free.
-He cried while telling us how his girlfriend was killed by being stabbed with a HIV-infected syringe by a hobo in line to a hotdog-stand.
This was in third grade.
-He has worked for both the CIA and the Secret Service as well as the Swedish secret police.
We are swedes and now in our thirties.
On the way to school once, he found 4 trucks, all lined up beside each other, each stuck in a ditch the exact same way. All four driver's were there. He towed all four out and each one of them gave him $100 (he might have said more, but I can't remember).
He rescued a firefighter from a burning building once.
He was addicted to heroin and cocaine. He might have also said meth. He was 17 years old, not in bad shape, and he was kinda chubby in younger pictures of him (most addicts of those drugs are usually pretty gaunt).
He had sex with 72 women over spring break.
There was one other really good one that I can not remember. Might edit it in if I remember it.
I used to be really into Team Fortress 2. I had a buddy back in middleschool who also played it, so I friended him on Steam. At some point, he was talking about a website where if he gave enough arbitrarily-valued items (items had no assigned price in-game), he could get an unusual (a very rare cosmetic item). Now, I thought this was awesome, so I, dumbly, gave him several items I rather liked that would add to the total he needed. Pricey items. Guess what?
"Oh, uhm, the guy hasn't gotten back to me yet. Still waiting."
This went on for about a month, I was getting angry. It cost me about $7.50 to go with this plan, and I wanted it more on principal than value. I had like, $300 in Christmas money, but whatever.
While he was still owing me, he invited me to join a "Sixes" team (a competitive match of 6v6). Some random other player sent me a message asking me more about this guy. "Hey, uhm, is [REDACTED] really a seventeen year old girl from Singapore?"
I can confirm, he was not a seventeen year old girl from Singapore. That other guy on the sixes team was an idiot though, don't worry. IF he just checked [REDACTED]'s profile, they would know that he's actually . . . a . . . well. . . the alt-account of the world-champion CSGO player from Brazil. Again, they weren't the world-champion CSGO player from Brazil. Now, I don't think you should have to reveal all your information online, but don't make it bullshit. My pal was like, thirteen at the time.
By the end of the year, he gave me a dollar, tried to get his dirt-poor cousin to pay me off, continued to bullshit, but don't worry. He couldn't pay me back because he was supporting his mother by working, and couldn't spare any money. . . as long as you ignored the fact that several of those "Sakura" games (look it up, but incognito). Let's not forget some rather colorful weapons for CSGO, of course. He threatened not to pay me if I kept bothering him, blah blah blah.
He still owes me, and I still see him daily, and now have a trust issue.
Moved in with a girlfriend whose ridiculous lies progressively got worse and worse. She showed me a large oil painting she had of a mountain scene (looked like a Bob Ross original). She tells me she painted it. I looked down in the bottom right corner and there is her signature; clearly signed with black sharpie.
My PE teacher in school liked to tell very embellished stories. We once tallied them up and, according to our calculations, he would have to be about 230 years old to have lived through all of his stories. He didn't have many outlandish anecdotes, so much as obviously fake stories about his past. His most common ones were:
Starting to work in a bakery aged 4 or 5, full time by the time he was 8
Being in the army for 30 years
Having a degree in mathematics and one in physics
Studying physics for 20 years in the USSR, getting a doctorate in the process
Being a math teacher for 10 years
Being a PE teacher for 10 years in one school, then 15 years in another and finally 20 years in ours (that last one is true)
Having been assistant coach of a first division football team for some time
Having "99% blood oxygen absorption", apparently "higher than any athlete except Usain Bolt", who had 99.5%.
Whenever we asked to demonstrate something, he would refuse, citing either his hip injury he got while pushing a kid away from the path of a speeding bus, or a wrist injury he got while saving a woman from either a burning building or an earthquake (the story changed a lot)
When he retired at 65, he said it was so he could go back to university so he could finally get his doctorate in quantum healing.
Edit: funny unrelated fact about him: he didn't speak much English, and his voice was booming and quite powerful. In between lessons, he would shout at people crossing the football field, telling them not to step on the grass (Spanish: no pisen el pasto). This was rendered in English as "HEY! Don't piss the past!"
I had an ex friend(21m) once that claimed he dated an italian super model but she died in a car accident, played in the NFL, was a police commander and always pretended to answer calls from his swat buddies about to go on a raid, spoke 6 languages fluently(4 of which were dead languages) i even spoke to him in 3 of them and he said its been awhile and he doesnt remember, he always goes to italy and france every year for 6 months, is from texas and a cowboy even through he grew up in our town, he was a gang member in MS-13, claimed to have 3 handguns and an ar-15 in his dorm room. Theres a few more I forget
I had a roommate in university who told everyone that he was going to join the RAF after University and was studying alongside his degree for an A Level in physics so he could start on a higher salary.
Dude we live and study together, you've never once picked up a physics book
My best friend worked with a girl (let's call her Mandy) who claimed she was best friends with Sara Ramirez (Callie Torres from Grey's Anatomy). She's not really that big of an actress so when she told me I was like, "Oh cool."(I believed it and didnt really care because who would lie about being friends with someone that isn't that famous). Everyone who worked with my friend would get messages both from Mandy and sometimes even "Sara" herself (from an account with no profile picture) because she wanted to meet everyone Mandy worked with. Mandy said there was no picture on "Sara's" account because she didn't want fans knowing it was her account.
At this point everyone is starting to suspect and realize she's a liar and that Mandy's a weirdo because who would make that up. Over the next several months if Mandy went to company outings she would make the exciting announcement, "Sara Ramirez is in town and is going to make an appearance here tonight to finally meet you guys!" Well, wouldn't you know, she never showed. This stunt was attempted a number of times before everyone went out of their way to avoid her. She eventually had a bit of a meltdown and I think left the company. I was sad, the stories were beyond entertaining.
I worked with a guy who casually told us on a Monday that he spent the weekend with rich guys from the middle east. They spent the weekend driving around New York and Philadelphia in a variety of colored Lamborghinis; they each had one. They partied at the most exclusive clubs, raced down the turnpikes, and returned to work on Monday.
The same guy told me he shot video footage for a project he was working on for a client. I would later find the exact same footage on a stock footage reel.
He didn't attend a co-worker's wedding because his grandfather had died, and he had to fly to his home country to deliver a speech to the people. His grandfather was an oil tycoon.
Finally, he said he went to Obama's 1st inauguration. When our manager challenged his story, he said he got permission by writing a letter to a local congressman. When the manager asked where he stayed in DC, he said he slept in his car; 1 mile from the White House even though the weather was freezing cold.
There was this guy from my class who was a ridiculously bad liar.
- He said he lost his virginity at 13, when he asked with who, he said he didnt remember her name.... This was when we were 16;
Complained about becoming addicted to sex after having it for the first time, even though all the girls in our class thought he was a weirdo;
-He often bragged about the crazy nightclubs he attended, in which dozens of stories about him consuming different types of drugs occured.
Was always talking about his best bro from his home town which was "The craziest dude ever", we searched every social media and never found anyone, with the name he gave us, in any of his friendlists.
Basically acting like he was this crazy dude with an party-all-time lifestyle, even though we were just teens. No one really believed him, we just laughed and he probably thought he was super popular and envied.
Last I heard, he actually became a drug addict party guy, so I guess he wasnt really lying, his stories just hadnt happened yet
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:15:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A chick I used to work with tried telling us she was at a Ufc fight and shared an ambulance with John Cena and they made out a little. She said she was 14.
In high school my friend told us she had terminal brain cancer and would be dead in a year. We were absolutely heartbroken, I cried for days. A year came around and she was miraculously fine except for her new terminal heart condition, which ensured she would be dead in a year. Heartbroken again, a year later she's fine except for her new terminal bone cancer. I didn't bother getting upset that time, except now her biological father was raping her nightly and her mother was abusing her. We reported it to the administration and the only news I heard after that was that her parents were questioned at length and there was absolutely no evidence that any of this was true. It was a hard few years.
She lied about getting good grades, then I saw her degree audit when she left it laying on my couch and she had failed every class she said she got an "easy A" in.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:16:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One of my best friends occasionally tells stories and I never know whether or not he's lying. Alot of them seem really crazy, but on several occasions I've called him out and he's proven me wrong by getting someone else to corroborate the story.
pp4vp · 1 points · Posted at 20:17:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm a compulsive liar. And here is the only time I've ever admitted that in my life even though I've known it. What the fuck is wrong with me? Like can anyone explain the psychology behind this? I'm not half as bad as some of these but like, I lie about having sex/relationships with girls to the extend where I have fake text conversations with them just so I can show my friends. Pathetic I know. I guess just like insecurity or something? I don't know why I do it but I can't help myself
When my mom and I sat my younger brother down as some sort of intervention for heroin addiction, my mom accused him of stealing all of her pain medication. He denied it of course but went a step further to try to "prove his innocence". He got up immediately and went to the kitchen while we sat in the living room and waited. We heard him rustling through the medicine cabinet and empty pills into a bottle (very audibly) and brought it a bottle of my moms pain medication. She opened it up and dropped a few out and turns to him and said, "Honey, these are my heart pills." He just stared blankly at her. She continued almost laughing and crying at the same time, "We love you but these are my heart pills." He just sat there like 'I don't think they are buying this' or maybe 'yeah why did I think that would work'. In the end he agreed to go to rehab and after a few stays and relapses over the next few years he is now two years sober. But my god do I have stories of junkies telling obvious lies and stealing without covering their tracks.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:17:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've had numerous people accuse me of being a compulsive liar, so this is a bit off topic but still hits home. Among the true stories I tell which are almost unanimously met with doubt and an eventual questioning of my character are:
I once met a meth cook in his house. He was masturbating vigorously with no pants or underwear on. Upon seeing me, he stood up, switched his penis from one hand to the other and shook my hand with his original penis hand.
I used to live across the street from a guy that had no face. No eyes, no nose, no mouth - just a hole with a brow ridge and bottom jaw with a tongue. He would wag his tongue loudly when he wanted a beer and his live-in troll-of-a-wife would bring him beers to literally shove in his face hole.
A couple of years ago at the beach I met a group of college girls. They took me back to their room and all five of them got naked and gave me head one after the other. While cheering each other on. Sometimes even I can't believe it.
I was in the news some years back for calling the police about a robbery and subsequently being arrested when they found my - as they put - weed grow operation.
I watched a Forensic Files episode in college. The NEXT day I was sitting in the airport when the woman who's daughter was murdered sat down across from me. We talked for twenty minutes about it.
This one seems believable to me yet people still question it. I've lost count of the number of times I've broken bones. I used to be very athletic and was a BMX biker, downhill biker, soccer player, runner and climber. Go figure.
Can I just take a moment to say that being a compulsive liar is often a difficult problem to overcome and may seem funny at times but always take a moment to consider if it's more than just really bad lies they're telling.
With that I went to elementary school with a kid who's uncle worked at the factory that made beyblades, he had the black dragoon at home, that same uncle also worked at the factory that made yugioh cards... And Pokemon cards... And later on iphones and beats headphones, and pretty much any other major brand name thing.
How about his buddy owned a ferrari or some other high end sports car, my friend was 14 and couldnt drive. Destinys child was at a club and his friend let him drive the car up to the door so they would think he was old enough to get in, once inside he danced with Kelly Rowland.
Something about his uncle being in the mafia, I can't remember many at this point. He told these stories 12 years ago. Pretty much everything that came out of of his mouth was a lie.
I'm late but,
Knew a guy in the Army. He had said:
•His father was a 6 star general, underwater sniper, space shuttle door gunner.
•He could do 100 one arm push-ups but couldn't show us because he is injured.
•He build a car that could run on nothing but water. The Government confiscated it.
•Less exciting but he didn't come back from Leave with his truck because the starter, transmission, and turbo all shit the bed. At the exact same time. While on the highway.
• He build his entire house with just a Gerber Multi-touch.
•He has 18 brothers and sisters. It was a big house.
I shit you not he's said this and much more. And has been saying these things for over 2 years now and is relentlessly annoying.
A woman I (very) briefly dated had told everyone about how a decade ago she'd survived ovarian cancer and it was a horrible experience and she had to have a full hysterectomy but she fought through and got better. A couple weeks later she's explaining to me how her and her last boyfriend lost a child when they were together and it was really sad and tough to get past but she's fought through it and is doing well now.
Apparently my amazement at her being able to conceive a child without a uterus or ovaries must have upset her, as she never called me back.
•Says she's so allergic to latex that touching. A user her whole body to break out in hives and a rash. Yet she can blow up balloons every Saturday no problem and eat bananas.
•I called in to work once (quite literally the only time i have ecer called in) because my car broke down, and had no ride. Conversation went like this:
"Hey Laura it's JohnBreed, my car broke down last night and I can't make it in to work."
"Oh okay, well would you be able to come in if I picked you up."
"Actually that'd be great, but I wouldn't have a ride back to school."
"Fine, whatever." hangs up
She proceeds to go and tell everyone, including my GM that she offered me a ride back to school, but I told her I would rather not work today.
She got called out on this because I had a coworker with me at the time so she heard the conversation, and b) I have never turned down an extra shift or anything along those lines so management knew she was lying.
I could go on with these stories, but that shall suffice
Knew a guy in middle school who always said he was fucking girls with bareskin condoms .. he was 13
Wynxsu · 1 points · Posted at 20:21:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I dated this girl for a while, who had a boyfriend, who stayed at my house one night with one of her friends. After a long night of all of us hanging out, she realized she was late for school and left in a hurry. Later that day I asked her what happened with school, and she told me that she told her teacher that her dad had died and that's why she didn't show up. I'm pretty sure her dad was paying for her schooling. So yeah I have no idea what ended in that story but it's damn crazy she'd go to that extent. And she always did this, constantly using big lies like this to get out of extremely small things.
Oh, I've known so many of these. First guy:
1) He took kickboxing lessons and put his abusive ex through a wall.
2) He has psychic abilities.
3) He adopted a son. (The guy was 3 years younger than him and never lived with him.
4) he had a job interview as a general manager of a restaurant a 45 minute drive away. Put on his interview clothes and everything. I saw him driving around town during the time the interview was supposed to be happening. This was after he quit both jobs he had when I moved in with him and fronted some of his back rent money. I was dumb, and of course never saw that money again.
Dated a girl when I was 23.
1)she could get orgasms from eating something delicious.
2) she once fake passed out for 3 seconds in front of me claiming her period cramps were just that bad.
Girl I befriended in college
1) her kidneys were failing and she was dying. 7 years later she's still alive and never mentions it.
2) her house was haunted growing up and the ghost grabbed her foot when she went up the steps.
3)her friend framed her rapist for another crime by stealing his car and driving it to Mexico and bringing back illegal drugs.
Lady I worked for:
1) regularly lied completely about married men being in love with her and wanting affairs with her.
2)saw a 10 foot tall angel in her living room.
3)has psychic abilities
4) has Lymes disease. (Never diagnosed despite being tested)
A girl in my first year of university initially had some normal tell tale stories that would be realistic, by about the the 4th week and making friends with others stories began being shared and we realized just how crazy of a compulsive liar she was.
Lived in four different continent her entire life
Was of multiple backgrounds and had family (some famous of course) around the world
She had received a full paid scholarship for hockey in the states for one of the division one teams but decided to come to our school and try out for the Rowing club and soccer team instead
Said no to playing for our girls hockey team. Meanwhile the coaches daughter was in our program and the coach didn't even know who she was
The very worst one which we all despised her for was lying about her mother dying from cancer which for myself at least is serious as my family has a lot of deaths because of it.
She used this after not showing up for over half the semester and got out of doing exams. Meanwhile posting pictures off the internet that "her mom and her had made together" and posting pictures the odd time with her in them but deleting them and denying they ever existed.... I really hope shes gone for second year
Dude said he was dying of cancer, never smoked a day in his life until diagnosed, one thanksgiving he came over to the house clearly shaved his head and eyebrows saying it was from chemo his first and only chemo appointment, a few years later said he was going blind due to his diabetes, tell this story with a mountain dew in his hand btw, at some point lost any sense of taste, I cannot recall why he could taste maybe chemo, only thing he could taste was chocolate frosty from Wendy's, because they tasted like onions, yet somehow was very particular about what he drank coca cola and mountain dew only you'd assume diet hence the diabetes but no ate and drank whatever he wanted never have any high or low sugar issues the kicker his wife would just stand there and let the lies roll out look like jsckasses good times dudes still alive full head of hair my wife can't stand to even talk about these people
One guy I was seeing when I was younger and more naive would say anything to keep me from leaving. A few things he's done:
Told everyone he works part time as a music producer and wrote songs for several famous R&B artists.
I once mentioned I would love to have a corgi-husky mix dog as a pet. He conveniently knew a breeder.
Bragged about how every girl he meets wants him.
He faked a heart condition and would pretend to pass out so that I would be concerned and take care of him.
He said he was going to jump off an overpass, texted the people I knew saying "goodbye" and "sorry", and when I tried contacting his phone, pretended to be his dad saying he doesn't know where he is and that he'll keep me updated.
It's been years and I'm still angry at myself for being so stupid and believing his lies.
Back in 1999 I knew this guy who was epically full of shit. He told me one time that Britney Spears and Katie Homes rented a hotel room in the city and invited him and a friend to come party with them. He wanted me to go with him. I laughed at him and ridiculed him in front of everyone I knew (and didn't know). If I recall we did not talk all that much afterwords. Although...sometimes I do wonder if that was my golden opportunity to meet and woe a hot celebrity that I completely blew....
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:23:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That she completely lost her memory and going on to say she didn't remember any names at all, forcing everyone to act sympathetic and treat her like a baby. She also created fake friends and boyfriends. When I asked for a picture of her "boyfriend" she sent me a stock photo.
Plot Twist: Everyone with a top level comment is a compulsive liar and none of these stories are actually true.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:23:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A former friend of mine was stating this guy for a while who was, in addition to being a creepy scumbag, a serious compulsive liar. Here are just a few things he lied about in the span of an hour:
-He claimed he went to Hollywood for American Idol.
-He claimed that there was an "I Am Sam" musical opening on Broadway, and that he got the leading role.
-He claimed that he can run a 3:40 mile.
-He claimed that he spent a year touring in Europe with Matchbox 20.
There were countless others, but those were some of the most ridiculous.
She was taking ice skating lessons and was raped by her hockey coach. She took her ice skate and cut open his leg and shoved ice in it so it would be infected. She then said her brother broke his back with a hockey stick so that he was paralyzed.
She went to meet her biological father at a park after not seeing him for so many years. After meeting him and then talking, they both saw a homeless person getting robbed. Her father stepped in to save the homeless man and her father ended up being shot and died.
She also overreacted over anything. Relationship lasted two weeks.
That they were a junior in high school and they took 8 AP courses.
First of all there are only 7 periods in a day at this school. Also, this kid took a gym class I was also in, he took the "special" math class also.
I Called him out on the spot.
I've heard some good ones over the years, but the most outlandish one was this girl I was "dating" long distance Freshman year of high school told me that she was basically in a gang called "The Pride" and they all had superpowers to control specific elements, like in Naruto. Hers was the power to control Earth.
I had a girl in my class who told a lot of lies, but the one that stuck with me was about how she went with her dad to a Formula One-race.
According to her, Ralf Schumacher crashed his car into a tire pile and was so angry that he threw his helmet into the crowd. Her father caught that helmet and they smuggled it out of there with her hiding the helmet under her shirt and pretending to be pregnant.... at 14.
Or from another girl who was... let's just call her not good looking at all, but who claimed to be in a relationship with the lead singer from the J-Rock group "Versailles"... for years.
The icing on top of the whole thing was her story about one of her birthdays.... it was about a threesome with that Versailles-guy and Gackt.
I should probably add that she couldn't speak Japanese at all... but claimed that she did.
Childhood one right here, so many lies on the playground but I'll just share one guy's stories for now. For time reference, this was prior to the 7th generation of console coming out.
Claimed his uncle worked at Microsoft and had an Xbox 360 prior to launch
Could not show us the Xbox 360 because it was at his uncle's house
Could not go over to uncle's house because the Xbox 360 was broken (Well... This one is believable.)
Claimed the same uncle also worked at Sony
Claimed his uncle had a PS3 prior to launch
Claimed his uncle also had a PS4 and that the graphics were "super real"
Could not show us the PS4 because he claimed it was broken
Ohh Ohh, I have a friend who told me that he got 58,000 steps in a day once. I called him out on it, and he said that it was because he worked two jobs that day.
I worked with a girl who was super excited when her parents put a down payment on a "brand new 2015 Pontiac Aztek". Being the car knob I am I realized they stopped making the car around 10 years ago. If you weren't a car person at all, maybe you would make that mistake? but she frequently lied about lots of other things as well. 2 weeks later the Aztek had a blown head gasket.
Worked with a compulsive liar who insisted he had been drafted by the Miami Dolphins in 1982. As if debunking that was more work than a single Google search, he stuck to the lie and then tried to say it was the "practice squad" draft which "was not published for privacy reasons."
Friend claimed to have gotten pulled over by a state trooper going 100 in a 65 and didn't get a ticket. Though the person who was in the car with him at the time backed up his story, and they weren't known as a liar, I didn't, and still don't, believe that story.
A girl I used to work with told us her and her boyfriend were already married, but on her security form she did not have him listed as her husband. They also got married a few years later and invited some of us. She said she reads a 1000 page novel every day. She said in Europe she worked at a winery clubbing rats to death and was paid $100 pounds per rat. She said she could only eat gluten free because of celiac's but when we bought regular pizza she ate it.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:32:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ah, I know a person like this. But everyone knew that she was full of shit.
She would lie that her dad worked at a phone manufacturer and they were producing a phone that would cost "30 THOUSANDS!!"...
She'd lie that her Dad was a car collector (while being poor as fuck)
She'd also lie that she knew lots and lots of people from famous magazines all over the country
Until one day someone recorded on video her lying, put on YouTube, shared on Facebook and took down hours later.
What she did the other day? Lied that her family contacted lawyers, downloaded the video and wanted to go to court but she didn't want to and just wanted an apology and 10 minutes later everything was fine.
Everyone. Every. One. In the damn school knew about it because the other girls caught up with her bullshit and exposed her.
That his new car was a Honda Civic Si. It had the Si badges. The rims, spoiler, interior were not Si. I used to sell Hondas. He bought the badges and told everyone it was an Si..
I have a longtime friend of mine who always tells tall tales. He makes it up, and it is IMPOSSIBLE to prove him wrong. I mean you could put perfect undeniable evidence in his face, and he will not accept it. He has conviction, I'll give him that. A few things he has told me over the years:
He spent his whole paycheck one week on a "mountain" of cocaine to "do a scarface" and slam his face in it. (He works 30 hour weeks making 8 $/hr)
That when his girlfriend got fired from her job (still don't know what that job was) that her boss had told her to her face that she would not get her severance package. So he called in his "favour with the mafia" to scare her boss and to paying the severance package amount that he should already be paying because of the binding contract. So instead of taking him to court, his mob friend got the guy to pay double. Which was 90,000 apparently.
that someone tried robbed him when he was walking back from work, when the guy pulled a gun on him my friend just looked at him and said "hey man I'm having a bad day and I'm not in the mood for this," and the guy just put his gun away and walked down the street.
-that he has a 10 inch dick, has had sex 6 times back to back, one of those 6 times lasting roughly 3 hours.
Bill Gates calls him occasionally, to talk about "birds" (No, really)
he moved to California, and his reasoning was that his girlfriend was getting a really good job, the aforementioned job, and that he was getting a job at Google for business. He has no serious education after highschool. And he always was never able to provide pictures of him at the office or really any proof.
that when he went to Bonnaroo, also while dating aforementioned girlfriend, some random girl walked up to him, put a bunch of molly in her mouth, and open mouth made out with him, while at a concert. Without saying anything else, they went back to his tent, and had sex while rolling face. Oh and that his girlfriend was OK with it.
that he was pulled over, while carrying moonshine in his front seat, that he was "running" for friend. And that the cop saw it, then told him if he could sit in the car and split a jar with him he would let him off.
Edit: Spelling and what not.
Devoff · 1 points · Posted at 22:24:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
10 inches is not something to brag about anything over 8 is really too much
My boyfriend's ex boss is a compulsive liar. He told everyone at the office stupid stuff all the time. Like he dated some celebrities baby sitter and they would have sex on his(the celebrity I don't remember who it was. Someone minor) couch and smoke his weed until they got caught and she got fired. Apparently one time he told this story and his friend was there and called him out because it was someone else's story lol. He also told everyone that he rode through the desert while high on meth shooting two guns out of the car window...
My boss is the same. Brags about how he goes to the gym always, and wakes up at 5 am each morning to run 6 miles. Him and my boyfriend always talk about their Fitbits and gym stuff, but when you compare their STEPS my boyfriend has more. My boyfriend never even runs. Sooo yeah, sorry pharmacist Steve but I do not buy it.
So this girl in school claimed she was dating one of the most popular guys in school. It's not that that is impossible but I thought it was extremly rare. A few weeks go by and I ask if she and him are still dating. She says they are but keep their relationship quiet. I just accepted it and moved on. A few weeks later after listening to her stories of him and her I was fed up. If this so called "relationship" was secret, then why tell me? We hardly liked each other. And then one day I just did it. I went up to this dude and asked him" Hey do you know a Megan?", he told me no with a very confused look on his face. Once I told him the story, you could swear he saw a ghost, and then called the girl crazy. The next day I asked her why he doesn't know you and she just said because they keep their relationship secret. This went on for the entire year, and eventually she told me they broke up because he was going to college, (btw, the dude was a senior, she was a freshman)
Seems ridiculously stupid. (Also, I'm not saying that relationships like this don't happen, I just had a terible feeling she was lying, and by my better judgement she was)
Do11ar · 1 points · Posted at 20:35:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
First he had a terminal brain cancer. Then he cured it by smoking a lot of pot.
Loqsha · 1 points · Posted at 20:36:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He made a cop take of his badge and kicked his ass.
I was in a rock band in high school. This known-compulsive-liar dude kept talking about how he was an amazing keyboard player. So I told him he should come to practice. He didnt show up for any practices despite the fact I kept encouraging him to come by. Well, he finally did...with a $50 Casio keyboard (more suited for a child) and no amp. So the moment of truth: he couldnt play Mary Had a Little Lamb if his life depended on it. He kept saying "hold on...wait...Oh, I messed up...". We totally gave him shit for lying and then actually SHOWING UP to prove he was lying.
This was in elementary school and the time where Avatar the Last Airbender was the shizz. So this new kid said there was an actual school on how to be the avatar. He said he was a firebender in training and even proceeded to try and show us firebending by getting bark, having us look away, and then rub the bark in his hands. What appeared in his hands was eraser shavings, ERASER SHAVINGS, to look like ash or something.
Also knew a guy who was 20 in 1992 who swore up and down that he was SF in VietNam. As the niece of two highly decorated VietNam vets, I was not at all amused. Dude literally cried when I called him out on it.
My wife had a coworker like that named Randy. Best one I can remember was that him and his girlfriend had a baby and the baby had asthma so they had to put it down. This baby later came back to life and called him on his phone.
More -
One time randy said he got a promise ring for his girlfriend for $1000 regular price being $50 000. And he got it because he had a friend that worked at sears.
He also did weird things like he called their work to tell them there was a lunar eclipse. That's all he had to say.
Also kept getting calls from his girlfriend and his supervisor got angry and his retort was "my girlfriend has diabetes and she works at McDonald's! You don't get it! And there is NO AIR CONDITIONING"
His entire Facebook page is fake celebrities. He recently responded to an Owen Wilson post asking if anyone lived in new jersey to which he responded "no, sorry Owen Wilson".
Wish I could make this up. I'm sure there's more too.
There was this chick who moved to my high school her senior year who road my bus and was in my health class. I was a sophomore at the time. I had to sit next to her in class and she would tell me all kinds of crap.
She took a weightlifting class when she was a freshman and could bench press 350 lbs. (she was overweight and the strongest guy at our school couldn't even do 300)
She was psychic, especially about relationship stuff. So she "read" what I wanted in a guy and said a bunch of generic things like how I want someone who will accept me for who I am and stuff like that, basically what any girl would want. When I still didn't believe her she "read" my physical preferences in guys, and all she did was describe the guy she knew I had a crush on. She got his eye color wrong though XD
She was very good at sports, but she couldn't participate in them anymore because her ovarian cysts would pop or something.
she claimed her brother had a higher IQ than Einstein and was identified as one of the smartest kids in America. (He was smart for the record, but not that smart). She also claimed that her IQ was really high. Then she was bragging about how she got a 21 on the ACT (which is the average of my state) like she thought I didn't know what a good score is. I once asked her if she was so smart, how come she only got a 21 on the ACT and she said something about how intelligence can be expressed in different ways or something.
She kept talking about applying to go to college at our local university as if it was a really impressive school and hard to get into. It's not.
She kept going on and on about how she knew all these people who were doctors and lawyers and nurses and teachers and firemen and like 10 other professions who would all come after any guy who broke her heart. She literally told me this like 8 times or more.
She was also one of those people that if you ever told any story about anything, she had one that would top yours. Eventually I learned to tune her out and just nod my head.
Devoff · 1 points · Posted at 22:15:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
21 sucks one of my friends got a 35 and i thought i did poorly getting a 29
I never knew anyone who got a 35, but I had quite a few friends who scored in the low 30's. The highest I scored was a 28, but I tried really hard to get a 30. Probably would've helped if I took a prep course or something.
But yeah, a 21 sucks and she apparently thought I was young enough that I wouldn't realize it.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:39:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Due to it's low center of gravity, if you hit a pig with your car the car would flip over the front end through the air and the pig would stay still and not move, relatively unharmed.
One week after WoW was released i told him I bought it and it was amazing. He immediately delves into the adventures of World of Warcraft acting like he played it for months making shit up, completely ignoring that I said I bought it a week ago and had played it. He only had ever played Warcraft 3 demo before then.
Had a suitemate that would tell ridiculous stories all the time. We all believed him for a semester, until it got out of hand (and also he threatened his roommate).
He told us that he was a walk-on quarterback for our school, but he hurt is arm so he lost his scholarship, and that he got in a huge fight at our dorm and was facing expulsion. Why we didn't question it, I don't know.
Most places won't perform lasik on someone under 18 because the eyes are still developing. She's 21 now. I also don't see how being blind in your right eye prevents you from writing with your right hand.
I had a kid sit me down when we were both freshman in high school, he convinced me he was in the fbi, he mas hundreds of thousands of dollars and he wanted to know if i wanted in. I said yes ahha stupid freshmen...
A good friend of several years regularly would brag about having published code in Byte Magazine as a boy. He did not realize that the entire run of the publication is free to search and download from the Internet Archive.
No, he did not do that. He has entertaining stories, so he is fun at parties, but otherwise I take everything he says with a grain pound of salt.
A girl I've known forever and who is my friend has always been a compulsive liar. She works as a park ranger in MN. Can't remember the conversation but she tells me she was bitten by a Brown Recluse Spider the other day. In my head I'm thinking, aren't those deadly or really bad? So your telling me you might die? do they even exist in MN? I say to her, "Oh that sucks" and then change the subject.
I have a truck driver friend who has a reputation for being late, he has been with 6-7 companies in the past year or so, and he tried to convince me that he has companies lined up ready to pay him $200k/yr.
Girl I know faked having a fit to get the attention of a guy, I know I don't understand either but she also faked having cancer, faked abusive texts and a bunch of other stuff, severe daddy issues with this girl lets just say nobody liked her to save me the time haha
My brother is a notorious liar, don't believe a single story he tells. Unfortunately he also looks just like me.
So I've found myself in awkward situations with strangers throughout the years, my favorite was how my brother built my dad's 15 year company from scratch after highschool, lived in my condo, drove my motorcycle, played my guitars and regularly traveled Europe at age 21.
The worst is when he does tinychat with his buddies from downstate and just blatantly lies in this used car salesman voice and they just eat it up. At this point I consider anyone who hangs out with him a gullible idiot
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:44:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My mom walked 5 miles to school uphill both ways.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:45:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My mom: "I'm not drinking, why don't you people ever believe me!" just absolutely obliterated (it's a doctor jekyl and mr hyde thing when she drinks, which is everyday, you can hear the alcohol in her voice after a sip).
She once told my dad that I was in jail and she needed $500...my dad called me on the phone he secretly bought for me and I sent him a picture of me reading on my bed.
Mom: "your dad wasn't even at your birth! he made me go to the hospital alone! he never sent you anything!" I hated my dad for years...finally let him contact me around age 13 where he sent me pics of him and my mom at the hospital, him holding me at my birth, he still has the actual hospital gown, and pictures of endless father/daughter love notes and gifts I never got (mom took and pawned or threw out). What happened was a months and months long chase by my dad who was a cop at the time, going door to door town to town tracking us down. But every time he figured out where we lived, we had moved and there'd be some crackhead living there. He ran out of money and ended up in Wichita where I lived with him after I found out he wasn't crazy at all and my mom was the crazy one lol. Okay, these are just a couple of the mass amounts of depressing lies people in my life have told me LOL.
Picture this. I'm in High School, with about 12 other guys, sitting on about 4 benches. People are playing football in the yard. There's this frog looking guy no one likes, who we'll simply call "Dave".
He's been tutting and pretending to cringe for about a minute now. Someone notices and promptly says "Dave, what the fuck are you doing?"
"Look at them. They're not playing real football. If I went on the yard, I'd easily beat all of them." replied Dave, with the absolute fucking smuggest tone in his voice.
You could smell his bullshit from a mile away.
"Oh really? Well, why don't you go on the yard and play against them?" said one of my friends.
"Oh I can't." replied Dave. "First of all, it would be unfair on them and secondly, I'd probably break their legs."
"W-Wait, excuse me?"
"Yeah, I'd kick the ball so hard, that if someone was caught in its path, their legs would explode." replied Dave, who was speaking about guys that were more hench than /r/fitness combined.
Seeing a potential goldmine of cringe comedy, another friend of mine pipes up and says "Dave, I'll give you £20 if you can beat them in football."
Dave, being the money hungry bastard he was, accepted and promptly ran onto the pitch.
10 seconds later, Dave tried to kick the ball, but landed his foot on it, slipped and fell.
The creator of TVTropes was once a poster at a message board I'm a longstanding member of, where he presented himself as an African-American medical researcher named Gus. He floated all kinds of BS tales, including finding a hobo squatting in his home and being hospitalized for a monkey bite while traveling in Africa. Eventually I guess the effort of trying to keep his stories straight proved too much, and he committed pseudocide with an alleged Korean girlfriend posting on his account in pidgin English to notify the community.
This kid who used to work at the Dunkin Donuts next to my pizzeria lied about anything and everything. The one that I found to be the best was that his ex-girlfriend who got fired from Dunkin was now doing a nursing program with the Air Force. "Right now she is just in training and they pay her $150k a year. But once she's done with training she can make up to $300k a year."
She barely graduated high school and couldn't even hold her job at Dunkin.....
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:46:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Recently, a senior moved to my school, hes the type who puts in headphones to walk down the hallway and not socialize with anyone. So my friends were going to try to get to know the guy, we found out he moved from out of state. So once we got to talking to him we found out 99% of what comes out of this guys mouth is lies.
Here's one example of what he had told us: At his old home before he moved, he had a Lamborghini. But this was no regular Lamborghini, he claimed it had 4 wheel drive and a V18 Engine. One day he was out driving and encountered police, who were in pursuit of him, because he was driving without a license because he was underage, he decided to flee. after a high speed chase, he gave up the chase, and did not get in any trouble however the Lamborghini was impounded. So rather than paying a small fee to get back a $100,000 car he said "Fuck it" and decided to leave it in the impound.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:47:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Girl came into work and complained about being in a car accident and requested to work shorter days (but still get paid the full 8 hrs) and told us her doctor said she needed to take a 10min break on the hour every hour......
meanwhile, we all have her on social media and shes posting pics of herself at the beach, drinking, partying... she also has one of our bosses on her social media... yeaaa, she was that dumb!
A friend of mine has ridiculous lies for not leaving his house and being sociable. Most regarding his dog such as:
*got to cut my dogs toe nails (at 9pm!?)
*got to brush my dog
*mum's out so got to watch the dog as it gets 'lonely'
Amongst other shit such as "I'm not free Tuesday through Saturday as I'm busy". He was also unemployed at this point.
The common joke with our group is that he's busy wiping his dogs arse.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:48:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy at school tried to tell me he 'invented minecraft'
piackl · 1 points · Posted at 20:49:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend who was dating a guy who turned out to be a pathological liar.
He used to tell stories about how his mom had sneaked out of North Korea with him as a baby and the hardships they faced coming to the US.
He was half black half korean... yeah no that didn't happen.
My friend in the UK said he had his own Monster truck, Only it's in America so we can't see it or use it. He has no photos of it, because his dad crushed a car with someone still in it and isn't proud of it..
He also said parents originally called him "Lore" but feared he'd stand out so goes by the name of "Anthony"
Had a scholarship to Oxford (UK). Live in new Zealand. The teachers believed that one. I have to say it's clever, he created a letter with the logo.
Our dad is a spy.
Was stationed in Iraq as a helicopter pilot, yet has never been overseas.
SiKBiT · 1 points · Posted at 20:50:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When I was 7 or 8, one of my friends gave me the classic story of his grandfather working at Nintendo's factory in Japan and that he could get me a Game Boy Advance from there if he wanted. Me, being a naive little boy, believed what he said, and on the same day I told my parents about it and I was so excited, I'll finally get a Game Boy Advance and I'll be able to play Pokemon on it! If I remember correctly they didn't really react.
Never got my Game Boy, obviously. I was sad when I finally figured out he was lying.
I realized how insane of a compulsive liar my ex was when I contacted a girl he had cheated on me with. She informed me that he had told her we dated a long time ago and that I didn't live in the country anymore. I have never moved out of my hometown.
My mother married a man who spent 30 years in prison for bank robbery. He and her have been together ever since he got out. They have been together for about 18 years or so. He is 78. They used to live in Boise Idaho, but due to his failing health, I moved my mother and him into my very small home in NC. He is a pathological liar. He lies about every single thing we talk about. And its blatantly obvious too. Except to my mother. She is a sweet little innocent thing but naive as the day is long. He has very bad memory problems and is showing signs of Alzheimers. Any subject I bring up, he has a story on. He tells the story extremely slow because he is making it up on the fly. And he can remember every detail, time and dates, and exact phrases. And they all kinda end the same. Its fricken ridiculous to sit through at dinner. I just want to stab him in the eye with my dinner roll. Pack it right into the socket. He has said he was a marine sniper, lived in Alaska and built a log cabin by hand, (cant even build a box) fought grizzlies, you name it hes done it.
Njefup · 1 points · Posted at 20:52:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Let's see. Kid was born in a bubble. He was married in third grade. Swam with sharks later tuned to leaches. Many more but thought maybe grew out of it in adulthood. Only to hear a story of being in a car with guns weed and blow on him. Got a year probation then joined the army. Meanwhile I couldn't join because an ex had a dime bag on her and since I was the driver I was as in much possession as her in my state. Called him out on it and he started stuttering like he did when we were 9. Some people never change.
A friend I grew up with, kicked someone ass every day on the way to pick us up for work in the morning. Once, he told us he had to kick this guys ass at Circle K, and his dad said something from the car, so he had to kick his ass too. My friend was full of shit. As long as I knew him (15yrs), never did I see him even get in an argument with any stranger...
A guy we knew in college once tried to convince us to believe some utterly horrific BS. We now tell everyone new in our lives to let the legend live on.
He told us that one night there had been a protest at a near-by wind farm site; now this is believable, as not everyone can see the benefits. Anyway, he gets called up that night by the military no less, who proceed to pick him up in a helicopter in order to break up the protest. He is handed a sniper rifle, and while the chopper is still approaching the site of the protest; he shoots several of the protesters with pin-point accuracy.
This is also the guy who once told us that the military had let him take some smoke grenades home; and one had gone off in his room.
(He had no connection with the military at all. With the possible exception of the TA)
Where I work, there is a compulsive liar. It's really odd dealing with him. One on One, he seems like a decent person and will (usually) do what I tell him.
The lies usually aren't that big, just little things. Sometimes the lies are just sad. For example, he'll make up some story about a conversation he had with his wife that makes him seem like a good/better person, but only marginally.
Then there's some of the bigger/sadder lies. He will tell us how he's struggling for custody of one of his kids. That's a bit murky - it's not our business. But he's told us in the past that he'll never see one of his kids again (The dudes like 22 or something, by the way), but then we hear from someone else that his grandparents have custody. Which may very well be and perhaps the grandparents don't want him to see the kid. Which will make sense with the next lie.
He'll tell us about how hard he is working for the kids he does have. However, he's missed work a few times (because he 'misread the schedule') and comes in late often and has even left early when one of the 'weaker' line leads is working. (Don't worry, he'll be gone soon).
Then we'll have his neighbors or other family members complain that they have to pay for his kids to have diapers or basic things that they need. So, he's essentially neglecting his kids. Luckily, he lives with his in-laws with his wife, and his mother-in-law is an awesome (though not the brightest) person.
He's gone around telling several co-workers that someone has been editing his hours and that the owner had to investigate and fix the issue. When, in reality, that hasn't happened. He just misses work and comes in late, meaning he only gets a fraction of the hours he's scheduled for. It's weird. Why would you tell a lie like that when half the people there are related and the person who does the scheduling is close friends with the owners? You can't get away with it and it's going to get around that you're saying that stuff eventually.
Then there's the out-of-work lies that are really annoying. He's told several people that he'll get them jobs here. Imagine getting out of the car at a gas station and having some lady talk to you about how excited she is that her boyfriend will start working there next week when we weren't actively hiring and there hadn't been any sort of application.
He also likes to tell people that he's 2nd or 3rd in charge of the place. When he's essentially as low as you can go. Literally, if we had an org chart, he would be at the bottom row.
It sucks because of the kids he's neglecting. But also because if he wasn't such a liar, or at least wasn't such a lazy liar, he would be a great worker. He's helpful and will do things when asked a majority of the time. Or he was, it's been getting worse lately. It seems like the more comfortable he has gotten in the job, the bigger and more frequent the lies and the more often he is late/absent.
Anyways, like I said, he won't be here much longer.
Late to the party but this dude would lie about everything. We once had an argument, started by him, that a road we had just driven on not five minutes prior had been a gravel road when it was actually paved. I kept trying to get him to drop it until I snapped, whipped a shitty in the road and drove back to it. His response, "We didn't take this road, must have been another one." I've never had 20 minutes of my life wasted like that before or since.
A guy that my husband and I were friends with in high school was a fantastic compulsive liar. He definitely got points for creativity.
• He told us that he wasn't looking forward to the Christmas holiday break because he had to fight his sensai and, of course, only one of them would make it out alive, so he was very depressed, because he loved his sensai. When he came back after break, he told us he figured out a trick that spared both his life and the life of his sensai, so it was all good.
• He was immune to pepper spray. He was pepper sprayed by a cop and when his body didn't react, the cop dropped to his knees in awe. He is (according to him) a legend to the police force in our small town.
• He had to save his grandmother from vampire-werewolves. Yep. Good thing he didn't kill his sensai, 'cause he sure helped him out with that one.
• He could bend in half and suck his own dick. We were standing around in a group together and as the conversation lulled, he bent over and said, "I can, but I don't." Sometimes it's weird being the female in a group of male friends, but hilarious, nonetheless.
Yep, real dude. Never really liked him but loved the stories.
"I made this in Photoshop" shows promotional image from the show Reboot
Kuido · 1 points · Posted at 20:56:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Tried telling us he was a professional skater. Saved a bunch of pics of a girl from when /r/jailbait existed and called her his girlfriend. Said he had a near death experience. Gave a bunch of stories about a girl at camp who gave him head in the woods that didn't happen; almost gave her a bad rep.
A while back I went on a couple dates with this girl from my school. Around that same time I was also getting ready to bring home my ball python. When she heard this she began to tell me about her anaconda "Kevin" that she keeps at home. According to her he roams the house, is trained like a dog, and takes squares of beef for treats (from your hand no less). He is also from Africa (I made the mistake of correcting her by telling her anacondas come from the amazon but she told me they're in African rivers too). Anyone who knows literally the littlest thing about snakes knows she's bullshitting.
She also tried one upping this girl we were talking to one day. She said she was interested in knife throwing, and Liar had to say that she herself had won several awards for knife throwing. She described it as basically walking through a maze as targets appear. She even had a special belt that held her knives and had special technology that only let the knives go when she touched them. She always had some strange story to one up you, for literally every sport.
Drank a whole handle of Jack Daniels his first time drinking. Didn't even get a buzz and saved his drowning friends life all in the same hour
Dagos · 1 points · Posted at 20:59:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Holy fuck, this is the thread for me. I absolutely despise compulsive liars, I just can't comprehend WHY they can't stop but yeah.
I used to run a guild (who were very much like a family to me) in a video game and this one dude joined. He was a very friendly guy but just kept saying stuff to impress the guild to like him even more, like he was a celebrity.
I started to pick up on his nonsense but it was just a hunch, until he started showing us these videos of him "singing". At first all I could was nod my head at them, but I knew they were just songs pitched a bit lower to sound like a completely different voice, but the intonations and everything were the exact same. I was in a top tier choir class in my highschool days so I was able to pick up if it was a different voice or not. I called him out on it but he still insisted on them being real. The rest of the guild did not like me calling it fake but I was very certain and was able to show them that I was telling the truth.
He would say he was trapped in his bedroom because his mother wouldn't let him leave, and that was the story he stuck with for a few months, even after we tried to "help" him. We stayed away from discrediting this.
He would say he was married and he would get on an alternate account to pretend it was his wife (Typing style was the exact same as his, he really wasn't trying to look like another person) but we stayed away from discrediting this.
I was finally fed up with his bullshit when I caught him lying to my face. I was a big deadmau5 fan during this time and he tried to use that on me, saying that since he was a singer and he also made his own music. He insisted that he was recording music with Daft Punk at the time being, and "was hanging out with deadmau5 yesterday". I noticed the lie right then and there because Joel Zimmerman (deadmau5) was on tour in Poland that week. That was the last straw, because he was trying to use some fantastical lie for me to see him like a celebrity. I shot him down very quickly and completely removed/blocked him from the guild/game or what have you.
Someone told me that they saw a rabid raccoon, and tried to shoot & kill but missed and shot the thing in the leg. Then, he said, the raccoon was still alive but couldn't use its leg, so it started to chew off its own leg.
This guy i went to school with said the most ridiculous lies:
"I own a gameboy SMS", aka super mega big (translated from my language). Amogst alot other stuff, we never got to se this stuff because they were always this other location where the rest of his family live.
Got his own $15 000 ish computer at the age of 11.
His father is the biggest enemy of gaddafi thats why he needs securityguards infront of his parents (tiny) appartment.
His father makes missiles and sels them tu russia for 75% of the profit, making millions each. This he actually said in a presentation about work at school, to teacher and everything.
It was lies like this every week. We got pretty used to it so it was more fun to see what he would say next time. I think there were something wrong with him because he would lie about stuff we obviously knew. Like bringing him hist test resaults back from school when he was sick, it clearly says on the front page he got an E and he would say he got an A, then rip it appart because he didn't need it to prove annything. Holding back laughter was very hard at times
An old acquaintance once told me his grandfather killed three nazi soldiers whilst parachuting from a plane somewhere in France... During World War One.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:27:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He found himself drunk one time, wanted to heat-up a microwave snack — put a can of (green labeled) Monster Energy drink in there instead. I quote: “ye! It was crazy! The can exploded and my whole kitchen was completely covered in green!”
He had made up stories all the time —went too far when he started about cancer and his life expectancy. (All a lie). From then on we as a friends group distanced ourselves from him.
That he made a girl cum 19 times in a night and that he has a $10,000 gaming computer that he built himself at 14. He would randomly just place lies in his sentences too. Like so nonchalant but you can obviously see the lie.
I had another friend of mine that would say she has every broken bone in the book and that her exs give her black eyes. One of her exs is my current boyfriend and told me she's batshit crazy because he accidently elbowed her in bed in the face and she went around telling everybody he hit her. She even fabricated a black eye out of makeup that washed off at the pool. He's never said his hands on me (unless I've asked for it in bed)
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:01:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew this fat 25 year old guy when I was a teenager through my friends,we were all underage and paid him to buy us alcohol, he lived with his parents and its how he made money by hanging around a liquor store buying alcohol for teenagers.
He would literally just tell blatant retarded lies 24/7 whenever we had to spend any time with him and he would just not stop speaking. We knew him since we were 15 up until we were 17 and yet he still felt the need to try to impress us with absurd stories, the ones I can remember being:
he fought off 17 members of a gang, putting a number of them in hospital with cracked skulls. An obvious lie since he was fat, short and we watched him get his ass kicked by a 17 year old.
he was a hacker that hacked into the police database to remove his name.
he told multiple stories about obviously fake girlfriends he had
Guy told me he went kneeboarding and went out to one side, then came back across the wake as fast as he could and kept going so fast that he went in front f the boat, let go of the rope, caught the rope again behind the boat and kept going.
Same guy - shot skeet and never missed. It was so easy that he got bored with it and quit.
It was my best friend and she told me that her father was abusive and would hit her and her brother and that's why she broke her rib but her ribs were never broken and I asked her mom when she would be healed and she didn't know what I was talking about.
Maybe he's confusing DOOM with the very first versions of Castle Wolfenstein, which was a 2d Apple II game that id Software later used as the basis for Wolf 3d on PC.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:47:47 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My mother has special car insurance that states that i, her son, is not allowed to drive her car under any circumstances. Other people, no problem. I'm 36 and haven't had a ticket in 20 years. Small dumb lie, still irritating.
When I was 15, a girl I had a major crush on said she had a brain tumor and probably wouldn't make it to uni. This majorly fucked with me because she said it was a major secret and her older brother didn't even know. I never fully believed it but considering she's 27 now and that was 14 years ago.
One of my friends when I was younger literally lied about everything when she was younger to the point where her family didn't take anything she said seriously. She even pretended to have schizophrenia for a while and would talk to ghosts and her whole act was laughable.
Anyway one day she decided to fabricate a rape where she said she was at work at the hairdressers on her own (she never got left alone because she was 16 and only sweeper up cut hair) when a polish man came in and raped her.
She was very specific on him being polish even though she's never met someone polish to even know what they sound like or hear their language.
Anyway turned out she had been at a friends the entire time, which wasn't discovered until the police investigated it.
She tried to convince us she was colorblind. She wasn't.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:11:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
i used to lie compulsively because there were deep emotional issues fuelling it. i was trying to depict myself as 'better' to others to make myself feel better about who i was. and i had a friend that that saw my psychological issues as a laughing matter. it was upsetting. reading all the jokes about how ridiculous liars are on this thread i'm now wondering if picking on other peoples' psychological faults is just another form of defence mechanism that is in similar realm. though i don't lie anymore, now i'm wondering why compulsive liars seem so peculiar to others.
now i'm wondering why compulsive liars seem particularly strange to others.
You shouldnt be.
If a 16 year old scrawny kid says he benches 650, you know hes fucking strange.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:39:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
i'm not saying lying is the picture of mental health. i'm saying people's taking the piss of somebody else's psychological struggles rather than feel and express empathy cannot be healthy either. that is surely an indication of another psychological issue in itself. the reason behind people pointing the finger at lying as 'fucking weird' is i guess a bullying sort of defence mechanism that provides your own value and authority. little different from what lying provided me, loosely speaking. i wonder the differences in causation, behaviour etc. if i asked a psychologist.
Devoff · 1 points · Posted at 21:11:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
he said he could play guitar so i asked him to play my guitar and he said he could only play a semi-acoustic guitar and mine was acoustic
When I was in middle school a kid I knew and his twin brother told everyone they were related to Peyton Manning. But when we mentioned Eli he had no idea who he was.
This isn't particularly horrible as far as pathological lying goes, but a girl I was in elementary-high school with definitely was a pathological liar (well okay that may be a bit strong, but she was a hell of a liar).
The one that sticks out to me the most is in fourth grade she brought one of those toy violins (you know, the kind that just had some little buttons on it a toddler could press to make "notes," but was clearly not an actual violin) to class for show and tell. She said she was a concert violinist and when the rest of us were not dumb enough to believe that was a for-real violin--and also that we'd known her for years and she had never mentioned this before--she claimed it was her "practice violin" and her parents wouldn't let her bring her real one to school. I remember being outraged the teacher wouldn't call her out on her bullshit, but I think the teacher didn't want to embarrass her even worse, so she just said nothing.
She also claimed to be pregnant at random times in middle school and then never mentioned it again.
Weirdly enough, she seemed to reform completely in high school and as far as I know now is a totally functional, non-crazy woman with a normal life and family. But who knows what lurks beneath the facebook veneer...
"We were walking across a field and a midget was in a hole. He popped his head out and i kicked him"
Some guy who called himself "Hodges" at a media course I did in Oxford. Super weird. I'd usually immediately dismiss anything he said, I can remember this because it was so ridiculous.
Hello. Former compulsive liar here. I once lied that I had a friend whose grandmother frequently dyed her hair blue. I also said that I had been to New York three times, when I had only been there once.
The c*nt has been going to hospital the past few weeks and had something wrong with her lungs. She then told me at school that she had been diagnosed with cancer I was upset. One of my best friends had cancer at a very young age how could I go through this? Eventually her stories stared to get ridiculous and we confronted her after she lied about one of her friends backstabbing her or some stupid shit. Glad she's outta my life
I had a friend who was probably not right in the head. Some of his exploits include:
kicking a soccer ball so hard it caught fire and broke the net.
kicking a soccer ball so hard he pushed the goalie into the net with the ball.
kicking several guys in a fight by doing the matrix "hold on a pole as you side walk on your opponent's faces"
I'm sure there were more I've blocked off. Now keep in mind this guy was dead serious when he talked about these, getting offended if you chuckled or told him that it was probably not true.
As I said, poor guy was probably not right in the head.
-Was a combination of all of the races on earth, and the government was after her for "breeding purposes".
-Was raped by a handsome athletic 18 year old blonde boy..who was apparently quaterback of the local highschool (we were 9 at the time)
-Fully convinced she was an anime character. Seriously. Swore her name was (insert main character's name from the most recent anime she was watching), wore cosplay outfits to school, etc.
-Apparently sold hella weed and was hiding from the Mexican Cartel (age 16)
Seriously, I think I only put up with her shit for the hilarious lies she tells.
I've known two guys like this. It is way more fun to egg them on and let them keep talking than to call them out on it. Some are so convincing you only realize it's obvious BS an hour later.
Guy 1:
He had a sensei that was a ninja, who could sense your movements even when blindfolded. He also had another sensei that was an official Samurai (Wait, I thought they abolished those? Nah, it's like Knights in England now) who could glow in the dark if he charged his aura with energy. He once coated the principal's car with Saran Wrap absolutely perfectly, then spray painted it with graffiti on top of that. Two days later the car was painted another color, so then they went and pulled the plastic wrap off and returned it to it's original color.
Guy 2:
He was a motorcycle racer, MMA fighter, and Pizza chef. He had gotten into at least a dozen fights that involved shooting people or gain members or something else extreme like that. His mom was a Judge with a hit on her from the Mafia, his brother was a plastic surgeon, his dad was..I can't remember but he was rich. Last time I talked to him he was working with The Japanese Embassy to do aid missions in Afganistan.
I knew a guy (we'll call him Todd) that befriended a very wealthy old man (we'll call him Jim) who had no family or known beneficiaries. Todd proceeded to convince Jim to invest nearly $2,000,000 of his life savings to start up a roofing business. He lost all of the money in under 3 months and began to spin this big yarn about shady insurance agents and the FBI. He moved in with the man and became something of a surrogate son and continuously fed the man false information such as "update calls" from the FBI about how they were closing in on the case. Todd would run out and get the mail before Jim could every day just so that he could make up fake mail that came with encouraging updates about the case. Jim turned to drinking because he'd flushed his life savings down the drain and the only person he had in his life was the same man that had screwed him out of it. Many a night, Jim would get hammered drunk and you'd hear him banging around the house and trying to make it up the stairs and whatnot. Todd would ALWAYS follow those incidents up with "good news." Another phone call update from the feds! Conveniently, Jim just never seemed to be around when they called. No one ever seemed to be around.
When I first met Todd, he convinced me to join him in moving to another state for a few months to make some money in the roofing business following hail season. He convinced me by lying to me in pretty much every way that was possible about how much money I'd make. He even showed me "his" bank account to prove that he was as wealthy as he was claiming. The truth was that it was only an old screengrab from before he had lost all of Jim's money, so it wasn't current and it had never been his money in the first place. I lived with the two of them for two months which is how I saw all of this happen. One night while he was drunk and on pills and I was finally at my wit's end, I got him to confess to all the lying. He said that he just wanted good things to happen and that when they got out of control he felt like saying that they DID happen would make them more likely to happen, so he felt like he was helping in a way.
He told all the little lies too. Every third sentence was a lie, most of them completely pointless. "One time I went on vacation with LeBron James on a whim because I bought him a coffee at Starbucks," or even "You won't believe what just happened by the driveway! The biggest rattlesnake you've ever seen was hiding in the leaves and it lunged at me and I dove out of the way just in time and whacked it in the head with a piece of pvc pipe from the garage!" His brother came to visit us once and the very first time that the two of us were ever alone together, he said, "So have you figured out my brother's full of shit yet?"
To this day I really do believe that he only wanted good things to happen to/for everyone. He just can't stop himself from lying and the lying just leaves a path of devastation in his wake.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:20:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
rrl · 1 points · Posted at 21:22:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My ex-wife claimed that while cleaning house in the nude a squirrel saw her and began to jerk off.
beleca · 1 points · Posted at 21:23:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Crazy this question came up today because literally 3 days ago I lost my job due to the actions of a compulsive/habitual liar. I'd been at the job for a month, and the manager who hired me left 2 1/2 weeks ago, and the guy who took over for him is a compulsive liar, and coincidentally, a very flamboyant gay guy. So the first week I was there, this guy told me he had achieved all of his dreams through sheer determination. He told me he had been an executive chef and designed the menu at an upscale restaurant, as well as at the restaurant where I was employed with him. He told me he used to host a celebrity gossip show on our local rap radio station. He told me I could expect to average about $500/week in tips (this wasn't a waiter job). When I ran some of these claims by the other manager, he said "yeah, he helped design the menu at a coffee shop. Everything else is bullshit". So at that point, I realized this guy was a relentless self-promoter, narcissist, and likely habitual if not compulsive liar. One day he randomly said to me, out of nowhere, "I remember the first time I slept with a celebrity", and by this time I realized he was a bullshit factory but I had to play along since he was my boss, so I go "Oh, wow! What celebrity?" and he proceeded to tell me he had a several months-long gay relationship with the guy who currently plays the Flash. He told me he made money on the side as a "media consultant", meaning he did promotion for other businesses in the area, claiming he made a few grand/year doing it. I ran this, too, by the other manager, who told me that actually, he had repeatedly asked some of the surrounding businesses to let him run their facebook pages and twitters, and 2 of them relented and let him, a job which he did for free. So not only did he not make thousands as a "media consultant", he actually spent his own time and money doing it, meaning, if anything, he lost money.
But the most egregious lies were yet to come. About 3 weeks ago, he told me that the 2 owners of this restaurant - which has 4 locations, and in real estate alone is probably worth well over $1mil - had initiated the process of making him a co-owner. Again, playing along, I said "Wow! So you mean you've been saving money and you're going to buy into it?" And he said "No, they're just gonna give me a stake". He was saying that these 2 guys were going to literally give him a chunk of a business worth easily over a quarter million dollars, after assuming enormous financial risk and investing countless hours and money into its success, just because he was such a great guy. I don't know if he even really expected me to believe it, but I have since realized that this was a calculated lie intended to allay my suspicions when he would, for instance, come in on his days off, steal and drink a 6 pack of beer and make himself food without paying for any of it. If I thought he was an owner, or going to be one, I wouldn't question this behavior. But if he was just a manager - which he was - this would be, basically, theft, and he didn't want me to know that he stole food and alcohol from the business on literally a daily basis.
This brings us to my firing. From the first week I was there, when the manager who hired me was still there, I had asked over and over again for feedback: "Am I doing anything wrong? Do I need to do anything differently? I'm open to criticism, please tell me if I need to change something", and over and over again, he'd tell me "no, you're doing fine. If there's a problem I'll let you know." I asked about the last person who had been fired, and if they'd gotten any warnings before-hand, and he assured me they had gotten several warnings before being let go. I asked for feedback literally every week I was there for over a month, and every time I was told I was doing fine.
So 3 days ago I go into work, and when the people for the next shift came in this lying manager shows up and says he needs to talk to me. He tells me its time for my one month review, and they've decided its not working out and I no longer work there. After telling me, he literally ran away from me and out of the building. I walked after him and found him still walking away from me, and asked for an explanation. He acted absolutely indignant that I wanted an explanation, as if I should've known what I'd done. In his sassy, head-waggling, no-nonsense flamboyant gay man tone, he told me I'd taken over long breaks. This was especially ironic coming from him, considering I had never taken a single break in the time I'd worked there, and that one of the main reasons I believed him when he told me my job was safe was that he had a habit of telling me he was going to get coffee and then disappearing for literally 45 minutes at a time, including during rushes - which is basically the one thing you can't do at a restaurant - and every time he did this I'd think "well, if that guy can keep his job here and even get promoted, my job must be safe at least".
After giving me this bullshit reason, he ran away again, and after getting over the initial shock of getting fired for the first time ever in the 10+ years I've been in the workforce, I realized "Oh my god, what the fuck has he been telling the owners about me?" He lied to me literally daily, about things that were just random and didn't matter, and about material, objective things that had real implications for the functioning of the business. I see now in retrospect he'd been lying to the owners about me, and since I never saw them and had no line of communication with them, they basically took his word for it, and I have no idea what he might have told them, but I'm sure he gave them different reasons to get permission to fire me.
I talked to one of my former coworkers yesterday, and they told me that this guy had been trying to get the owners to hire his cousin, but the owners didn't trust his judgment and wanted to do the interviews themselves and seek people out through classified ads, not just let him hire whoever he wanted. I now suspect that he wanted to get rid of me so the owners would be desperate for people to cover shifts, and he could then go "well I know someone who can start today", and give my job to his cousin. I'm almost positive this was his motivation, but I don't know what the fuck he's been telling them about me.
I briefly considered seeking out the owners and telling them about all this, but I now think it'd be more satisfying to keep them in the dark and let this guy just totally destroy their business from the inside. They had to install cameras in the place because they'd gotten so many reports about him stealing, but they tolerated it because they were too busy to interview other people for the position, according to them. I've never met anyone who lies quite as much, or as outrageously as this guy, and unfortunately I got fucked over by his lies, but I take comfort in the knowledge that its just a matter of time until this guy's psychological problems and compulsive lying come around to bite the owners in the ass. But until then I have to find another job.
I know two people who told some outrageous lies. I'm sure I've posted about them before somewhere, and I get fuzzy on the details because it's been a long time and remembering absolutely everything is tough, but here's a truncated version:
Person 1 (in high school) claimed the following:
her parents weren't actually her real parents; they had adopted her because her real mother was a French prostitute and her real father was the father of one of our classmates.
she and said classmate (supposedly her half-brother) were madly in love but they could never be together because of said blood relation. This is very convenient considering that this guy dated a couple of other girls but never her.
she borrowed a CD of mine and when I asked for it back, she said her car's CD changer was broken. When I was in her car next, it was working, but the CD was not there. She said she'd taken the car to get the CD changer fixed and they determined it couldn't be, so they removed it, put in a new one, and crushed the old one before she could stop them, destroying my CD.
Person 2 (a couple years after I graduated college) said the following:
he was formerly in the military and had been honorably discharged. Without being asked, he elaborated that he'd been a sniper (I'm not in the military and I know very little about the details of service, but compulsive liar alarm bells went off in my brain) and that he'd been deployed in Afghanistan where he had to "kill Taliban operatives" on a daily basis. He talked about firing a Barrett .50 cal rifle, all the struggles he went through, his friends who were killed, etc. A friend skeptically asked him if he could do some distance and wind calculations (which is apparently something snipers have to be able to do?) and this guy said he would need a calculator, and that was the end of the conversation. No idea if he'd ever even enlisted in the military at all, let alone been honorably discharged, but he was relatively short (~5'6"), quite overweight, quite out of shape (had trouble swimming), and had very strong prescription glasses on all the time; I highly doubt he could ever have been a sniper.
Late to the party and not me but my father.
Anyway there's this old man in the little town my father was born. He told at the bar that when he was in the army there was this new aircraft model that exploded anytime someone tried to fire a missile with it. The reason turned out to be that said aircraft was so fast that it would reach the missile almost immediately after the missile was fired...
That he drove his dirtbike all of the way to Jamaica where he smoked a lot of weed (I live in the US), his dad was famous and bought him a Lamborghini, and his brothers were Flosteradomus and he helped perform at concerts with them.
Guy down the hall from me sophomore year of college was from Chicago. He told me he knew Oprah and was dating her niece? cousin? back home. This was while he was trying to hook up with an OK looking girl at our school (who ended up having a thing for me). He also knew various members of the 'Chicago Mob' and was routinely invited over to Oprah's home which was on the top floor of one of the skyscrapers downtown. He was also red haired, fat and drank buttermilk straight from the bottle.
That 'Sex Is On Fire' was written about them, because they have cold hard evidence: a tattoo with flames around a skull. Flames. I mean. Come on guys. Flames. Fire. Sex is on. I mean it's gotta be true right?
A kid back in high-school always said a great white shark bit his knuckles off... only his knuckles. Needless to say there were no scars but that's because he got "really expensive surgery"
He told me he was in Iraq before I went there. His timeline didn't add up because there's no way he completed his training and was able to deploy before I met him.
He never mentioned going there until 5 years later when I was talking about Iraq. He said he was a POW for 3 months. All false!
Let's see, they designed the Empire State Building (despite being 10 years old), he and his father built a 5 star private jet out of random scraps, he owns a tree mutant and much much more!
My mom telling me that she didn't kiss the guy she was "hanging out" with at the bar I worked at when I was watching her while coming out of the kitchen
I had a friend back in the day who I was certain was a pathological liar. I saw this thread and decided to verify some information before posting only to find out she was telling the truth the whole time. My mind is blown.
Went to high school and ran on the cross country and track teams with this girl who was a pathological liar.
She once "ran the Disneyland Marathon" and got an incredibly fast time. She brought the newspaper to school with her the next day to show everyone she won her age group, etc. I looked at her splits online because I thought it was BS (she was NOT a good 5k runner, no way she could run a marathon in 3:22:00). She only had splits starting at mile 14. Strange right? So I casually ask her mom about it at out next meet. The mom says, "Marathon?? No, I dropped her and her grandfather off at the halfway point and they ran from there!"
I told our entire team. She was real mad at me. Oh, well.
idadah · 1 points · Posted at 21:34:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy told me, when he was in Lebanon (he lives in Sweden) he was riding a jetski "downhill" while lighting a cigarette. And bunch of other bullshit stories from his visits to Lebanon during summer.
One of my roommates in college used to tell me that he was in my classes. It was a very strange choice of things to lie about because:
Obviously I know you're not in my classes. I've never seen you there, and when pressed you don't know any of the material or even the professor's name, and
You stand to gain literally nothing by telling this lie, even if I were to somehow believe you.
It honestly confused the hell out of me, but I guess that's how compulsive liars are.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:35:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There were many but the worst was telling us he got recruited to play football at Chico despite the fact that 1. He is not even on the Varsity football team, 2. Chico doesn't have a football team.
That he lost his virginity on top of mount fuji...when he was 16.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:37:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy told me once that a lot of the writing decisions for Steven Universe were because of him. He said he was friends with the writers, and that they would base writing decisions on "what would ____ say?"
This guy lived in Milwaukee, and wasn't in the animation industry in any way shape or form. He was a filmmaker, whose senior thesis was an "in progress reel" because his hard drive crashed and he didn't bother to back up his work.So he just scrambled what he could salvage and showed people "the making of". Of an unfinished film. Yet could somehow back up hours of anime and Japanese TV shows.
There was a slew of other lies too. How an ex girlfriend sucked him off in the public of a movie theater, how he had to escape out the back door onto the fire escape because another girl's parents were coming home. Another story was about how he went to ACEN, and met many famous people and had lots of wacky sexual misadventures. How he flirted and made out with cos-players who just happened to be his favorite girl characters. Only to be outed by his entire group later on(convention goers usually go in groups to reduce room costs, and hang out and help each other) who refuted his claims cause they'd been hanging out the whole time. 5 against 1 basically.
The sad thing is, as compulsive of a liar as he was, he wasn't actually cruel or manipulative. He was really kind, supportive, and friendly, and would genuinely go out of his way for others. Definitely not a sociopath ether, as he was very clearly capable of empathy, having a pet cat and family members he adored and was a natural hugger.
It became really clear to me that lying was a defense mechanism. That he was ashamed of himself and was trying to make his life seem more appealing and interesting cause he couldn't deal with real life.
But instead of going into therapy, he chose to retreat to a dream world, where things worked out for him. Real life was hard for him so he chose fantasy. It was actually really sad.
My brother, hard on time due to being a drug addict and felon, started working for my older brother who thought he deserved a chance. He does air brushing and makes signs and silk screens shirts. He was obviously doing the shirts.
Well, one day at the shop, while working ( there were a few other employees as well.) Everyone took a break. So, he went back in to go to the bathroom and in reality stole a 100$ bill from another employee.
My brother confronted him about it due to there being video surveillance of the action taking place.
This happened almost a year ago and to this day denies these actions.
This is how he is anytime he is around and shit goes missing. My xbox 360, my samsung tablet, two of my phones, and a literal fuckton of my dad's tools. He is the only one with reason to steal and stuff only disappears when he is around. Its fucked up. Always tells huge stories about being out at odd hours or gone for days at a time.
In fact, just the other day, he pursuaded my mother to bail him out of jail so he could go to rehab. He decided to not go and instead skip town to live in some heroin house. So, yeah.
znx26 · 1 points · Posted at 21:39:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You guys should've disowned like if he was gay, and tell him to never come back.
Oh, i agree. Honestly. Its just really hard to do is all. Its not hatred we feel towards him, its a very resentful pity cause he doesnt seem to realize how shit his life is going to turn out when he burns all his bridges
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:38:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Michael Jackson used the bathroom at my buddy Chunk's house. Or maybe it was Michael's sister.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:39:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have a friend who did this all the time.
But the one I remember the best is this one. He started skateboarding, he came over to my house with this rather cheap board (€60, a decent one is €100, mine is at least) and he was practicing his kickflips, at which he didn't even get close to. Then he told me he got sponsored by the local skateshop.
10y/o me was impressed of course, he then showed me some stickers, which he most likely got with this board. I asked him what tricks he could do, and he could only do a really sloppy Ollie.
Oh yeah, and someone from the skate shop saw him skating at the park and he asked him.
10y/o me was impressed though.
TL;DR: Friend told me he got skateboard sponsored by doing Ollie's on flat ground.
Met him while playing ingress, maybe he might see this.
Told me he was a Minecraft developer who just got back from notch's place oversees.
Claimed he was out submitting portals (ingress) in the dark on his bike, in an area where there was nothing.
Told a pretty crazy convincing story about how a cop shook him down, dropped a bunch of stuff out of his bag, breaking a laptop and camera.
The court date was held less than a week later, where he won. Courts do not work that way.
At one point, I confronted him about it, and he finally said, yeah, it's all lies.... And then continued to lie about nothing scenarios to a group of people all the time. He was just super socially awkward.
Girl in junior hs was on a weekend trip and ended up having to share a hotel room w a guy family friend. They fucked. She found out she was pregnant. She had an emergency abortion. Monday she was telling the story at school.
A friend of mine was always getting fired from jobs. He had a different excuse every time. My favorite one is that he sold (at 7-11) someone an expired candy apple, and the customer broke a tooth and sued the store, and since he sold it to her, he was the fall guy. I eventually found out from someone else he was telling everyone he worked with he was going to quit, so the boss just fired him.
I used to work at a small bank in South Florida which catered to the elderly folks in retirement homes nearby. The customers would often come to hang out in our lobby, drinking free coffee and talking with our security guard, Alan. He was an older man himself, and loved to tell these people the most amazingly ridiculous stories I've ever heard. My favorites that I can recall include:
• He claimed he was a prize winning boxer, a professional model, and fighter pilot in his youth.
• He once had a snake that hung around his house, which he managed to talk into moving away so that he wouldn't be forced to kill it.
• He also had a raccoon problem for a while, and said he would find footprints at the bottom of his pool.
• He taught his dog to read so it could bring him his prescription bottles.
• His wife only had one leg, but they would still go out dancing.
• He would frequently pop into his personal plane to fly a few states away to have dinner.
I worked with someone who just refused to use her work email and came up with the most ridiculous excuses for it. Like, she went to the extent of having her own email set up in her house, and apparently the security on it was horrible, and she was pretty much at the top of the company so there was some secret stuff there. She said that the people before her did that but that wasn't true so she said that it was allowed but that wasn't true so she said that nothing secret was there but that wasn't true so she said that nothing was secret at the time but that wasn't true either.
No, wait, shit I'm thinking of the person most likely to be the next President. I meant to mention the guy that just stole stuff where I worked and really pissed me off because I helped him get that job.
My (at the time) best friend told me that she didn't remember the two weeks she was swapping nudes with my (at the time) boyfriend. She claimed she was purposely overdosing on her medicine every night so she could forget stuff going on in her life. According to her, she must have sent them during that period, then immediately deleted them the next morning. She went on to elaborate on the medication she was taking, the circumstances around it, and a ton of other details. I called bullshit almost immediately.
Guy I went to college with claimed that he was ENTIRELY colour blind, he saw everything in black and white.
Then, when he came back after the summer break, told everyone about how he'd had surgery to restore his colour vision. After they finished the surgery they kept him in an entirely colour free room where, over the course of 24 hours, they gently showed him every colour in existence on a screen in a slow rotation so his brain wouldn't explode when he went out into a colourful world.
Dude said he got a trashed corvette from a junk yard, totally rebuilt everything, then sold it for $60k. Guess he didn't understand how salvage titles work. He was also broke as fuck and lied about shit relating to his finances as well.
He told me that he had a girlfriend in Egypt and had helped Notch create Minecraft. He also said that he programmed FNAF and that the real creator was "stealing his credit".
sbf699 · 1 points · Posted at 21:44:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Once he told me that his family practiced traditional Viking funerals....the ones with the burning pyres and shit.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:44:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My old ex was always making up huge lies
She had a twin sister who was murdered by her real dad and that she was adopted
She was raped in broad daylight in her own room
She could see ghosts that followed her, and when she was young she could move stuff with her mind
And the best one was that she had heart cancer that was cured by experimental tea
Travis is 17, and at this job only because his grandpa and uncle both work there. About a month into him working with me, he comes in for his shift with a huge fat lip. Totally freaked me out and I asked what happened. He told me and our supervisor that while he was walking home from school, he was getting followed by someone, and after several blocks of this he turned and told the guy to go fuck himself. Which apparently set the guy off and they got into a brawl on the sidewalk. According to Travis, the fat lip was the worst thing he got, while he "Beat the shit" out of the other guy, who was supposedly 22 years old and like 220 pounds.
Not only did he tell myself and a supervisor that, but he told a new girl that had begun working there a similar story, but also added to her that the guy had a knife and got arrested afterwards.
Later that night another new guy came up to me and asked what bullshit I had heard from Travis. I told him the story he gave us, and he said to me: "Yea Travis is full of shit, he told me yesterday he had a pimple on his lip that got infected".
phroek · 1 points · Posted at 21:46:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Used to be friends with a guy who would compulsively tell me and my best friend two different stories about something, never stopping to think that we talk about everything and would quickly discover the lie.
So I don't have a crazy story to tell here, but it is amusing to wonder just what people like that are thinking when they lie SO BADLY and obviously. But it's a great way to push people away if you aren't into keeping your friendships.
Went to a catholic HS, in religion class we went around and had to say something we were praying for that class, her grandma or grandma died every week. Her parents had divorced and remarried, so technically she had 8 grandparents, but after a few months of this, she realized we had caught on to the fact she was lying, so she starter reading the obituaries and found people around our age and claimed they were her friends... this continued for all of HS.
I was playing a show (electric guitar in a band) and wanted him to come. He promised he'd make it. Afterward, when he didn't come or even bother saying he couldn't make it, he was like "oh man, it's so crazy. I went in at 5am and at about noon, my boss had a stroke, so I had to fill in and run the store until 11pm"
Motherfucker was a part time grocery store cashier.
My ex always talked about all of her fake family members who were, all of them, both gay and on the autism spectrum. Also tried to tell me we were actually cousins even though we were secretly together. Also innumerable diseases she claimed to have, and once said she tried to kill herself the night before, and had a little papercut on her neck. Also claimed to have 2-4 children on the spectrum, one of which "died." Also thought she was literally an angel of god and believed in astral projection, which allowed me to "talk" to the fake family members.
Yeah... she was and is seriously mentally unwell and I am not assertive at all
Damn, mine aren't nearly as crazy as some of these. Just that she was in the circus for a while, a trapeze artist. Girl is straight up out of shape, and I have never, ever seen anything that would lead me to believe that shit was true.
We were about 7 years at the time I believe so of course no sane adult would tell these lies and legit believe people would fall for it.
Some of the lies included:
"I am a millionaire, my whole room is filled with money!"
"I have a farm in my back yard. It's filled with cows, chickens, sheep and pigs."
"I own a chainsaw and a gun"
I told him to bring the chainsaw and gun to school, of course he kept saying "I forgot" haha. And the money and farm? Magically disappeared!
My cousin told me she was allergic to onions, but only if they were cooked.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:51:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I live with one, she's insane. My step sister, my second time meeting her, openly brought up in conversation to me AND my boyfriend about how she's has three miscarriages, and just shrugged it off and laughed. Then I was later told by her how she can't get pregnant because of a health issue she has. This is one of the many lies I've caught her in. It's constant and she does it for sympathy and attention.
So first off he claimed he had to leave Puerto Rico and can never go back because he punched his pregnant teacher in the stomach and she lost the baby. We tried explaining that as a us territory if you're wanted there they will take you back but no...
Then in the army he was "black ops" and proved this with records that had "special forces trained" printed on them. My aunt believed this because she saw his "maroon beret"....we live next to Fort Bragg, home of the 82nd airborne division.....they all wear maroon covers.
His army stories were all taken wholesale from movies and he'd tell stories of the same incident more than once but forget which party he played so for example in one story he'd be John Wayne the next Robert Mitchum
During a hurricane, another guy in my dorm (we're both freshmen at this point), said he went outside & a rock had hit him on the head, and he fell unconscious.
1) no scar, 2) he ain't dead--that shit doesn't happen like it does in movies, & 3) there was not ONE window broken on the campus. So the wind picks up a rock big enough & fast enough to knock you out, but no trees, rocks, sticks, debris, touch a single other thing?
Dude was a weirdo.
EDIT: Wait, I have another.
Another guy in college--separate incident. He tried to tell us that he had gone to the doctor when he was home over break. The doctor said that he was an anomaly because he "had adrenaline coursing through his veins at all times." He told us that the doctor told him that he was basically superhuman. One of my other friends looks at him and says, "It sounds like you might have Addison's Disease. You should go to another doctor..."
That he was living Florida, and flew to school every morning. We lived in Pennsylvania, but he was adamant that he was flying every single day from Florida to the airport near our school.
teeg-o · 1 points · Posted at 21:53:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was a bad liar in high school. I didn't do a 'personal narrative' report until the last minute. I based the whole thing off of Columbia's part in Time Warp. But the dramatic twist was when I was robbed at gunpoint toward the end of the story, due to my losing track of time and being in the city very late at night. Luckily the snake of a guy in a pick-up truck had been following me around and came to the rescue. When my teacher asked if it was a real story I said it was.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:54:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A girl at school told me her boyfriend raped her and taped it. None of it happened. She also told me she took a test and the teacher ripped it up in front of her and threw it out and said she would tell her parents she never came in and took it. There was a lot more.
He said that his car had a straight V8, we told him how that would be impossible but he was convinced that he had that engine in his car
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:55:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Friend once told me he was close friends with members of the Ukrainian mafia. He also insisted that he could walk through people's dreams, manipulate emotions by touch, and fuck around with balls of energy either through the air or via crystals. That only scratches the surface, unfortunately.
I'd like to add that he was the nicest guy you could ever know and he genuinely cares about everyone, but god damn did he sound ridiculous.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:55:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My aunt has repeatedly told some ridiculous story about this trip to the airport that she swears took her 12 minutes. Her house is, at absolute best, 40 minutes away from the airport. With no traffic and all green lights, there's still no conceivable way it can be done semi-legally. But still she swears by it. 12 minutes.
There's a girl I went to high school with who's my friend on Facebook. She's always told the most ridiculous stories, including:
she's a member of MENSA
she knows 5 languages
her daughter "speaks only in French when she's mad" (I'm friends with a girl who babysits her daughters sometimes, they're all under 5 and none of them know French)
she has multiple college degrees - despite having dropped out of school
she always humblebrags about the expensive things she buys, like Louboutin shoes which are hundreds of dollars per pair, despite never having pictures of any of it and the fact that she's a waitress at Olive Garden
this one is the weirdest to me, but for the past couple years she's made a big deal about how much of a lesbian she is, yet she's had 3 kids with 2 different men in that time. I don't doubt that she's attracted to women, but if you keep having sex with men, maybe you're not quite a lesbian...
Those are just the ones that stand out in my mind, but I'm sure I could think of more examples if I tried hard enough. One of the most annoying things to me is that no one ever calls her out on anything.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:58:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
After a night out in town me and my friends all got separate taxis back home. Friend told us that her taxi driver fell asleep at the wheel, which meant she had to lean over to steer the car while trying to also wake him up which took him a couple of minutes...
But didn't want to complain to the taxi company because he didn't charge her.
Had a guy at work tell me he killed a man by punching through a wall and ultimately through a man's chest. His superpunch was needed in order to save a baby.
Plsci · 1 points · Posted at 22:01:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Kid said he was the POTUS with a straight face and insisted until he was eventually expelled (not for the lie, though certainly for his issues). He said it was all secret and he flew back to "the government" at night. W. was president then, so maybe the kid did 9/11. This was in I think 4th grade. He was actually older and had been held back a year I think, and holy shit he was violent, and to the point where policing it became impossible for teachers. I'm sure I was choked by him multiple times. Eventually he was monitored by someone with some sort of special training for much of the day, but not enough of it. He affirmed he was indeed the president in front of this guy once. Even said the guy was his guard. I just sort of looked at the guy and he looked back like the saddest man on Earth. It was weird. He just didn't say anything or react really. Looking back I wonder if he didn't because he thought we were bullying him by trying to force that confrontation. Rationally I can see how his day to day school life was much like being bullied, because his behavior would bring a reaction like that out in anyone, but he was also the bully. My other theory is that rejecting his lies essentially brought out his violence, and the guy didn't want to poke the hornets nest. Unfortunately I just can't remember every occasion he was violent and what was said to make any correlation. I never gave it this much thought as a kid really - just knew I didn't like him. I nearly (well, not really. I thought I would be wrongly) ended up in trouble for pushing him over to stop him from hitting my younger brother just after school once. Instead when I went into the principles office the next day I was treated very nicely. Clearly the kid had MANY such other offenses, and they knew my story to be true at once. He said I started it all of course. That wasn't what ultimately got him expelled. Probably took many such events to do it. I think in order to expel him he needed to really hurt someone, but the kid was rather fragile. He had what I call zombie strength. A sort of primal rage where you could tell he was giving it EVERYTHING, but it just wasn't quite enough to really hurt anyone without hurting himself. He could cause pain for sure, but never draw much blood or really injure. Must've done it sooner or later though. I can't honestly remember why or when, but he was definitely "expelled" or at least sent to a much more specialized school for his needs. Vast number of other lies too. I can't even begin to list them. Every crazy thing you can think a 4th/5th grader with issues would imagine to impress or threaten other kids, he probably said it at some point.
In highschool one of my friends had an exchange student from Germany stay with her (we're in Canada). You fill out an application and the exchange agency tries to set you up with a good match. However, this girl lied on her application and she ended up being the exchange student from hell. Some of the lies she told us when she was here:
-She was a model back in Germany, but couldn't show you any of her model shots (no offence but she wasn't particularly attractive)
-She told us she had cancer right before coming to Canada, and that's why her stomach sometimes hurt
-She told me that my friend's brother tried to makeout with her and touched her boobs in the hot tub even though she said no. I told my friend and her brother and he said they had never even been in the hot tub together before, and he certainly didn't try to kiss her ever
-She told the exchange agency that my friend's family was starving her and would only feed her 6 bananas per week.
My friend exchanged to the agency all of the bullshit that went on and they were thankfully able to find her a new host family when she went to Germany.
In high school, my friend tried telling our group of friends that, at a young age, he was shot by a machine gun during a drive-by. However, there were no scars as his wounds completely healed. And he actually expected us to believe it.
Damn I'm late for the party, but whatever, I have a strong story on a compulsive liar.
When I was a teenager I had a girlfriend, and she lied about a shit ton of stuff. Starting with lame excuses for not meeting me while she was getting drunk and god knows what, it went a lot further than that.
One time we were going to the movies, she bailed and I said fuck it, I'll go anyway. Later that night I start receiving texts from her.
She said a friend of hers took a picture of me with another girl at the movies, but she refused to look because she trusted me. I was completely by myself, dressed as a lame ass emo teenager that doesn't get any puss, and even upset because she couldn't make it.
She only admitted the lie 2 years later. Don't ask how I managed to keep it for so long, I wouldn't know how to answer. Eventually we broke up.
Oh and there is another one! We broke up on April, and on December I received a call from my mom telling me that my ex had a child, and it was mine.
I didn't know about any pregnancy, and my ex claimed she also didn't.
1 year later my mom told me she overheard my ex talking to an aunt that also just had a child about belly button piercings. My aunt had one, and needed to get it removed due to her growing belly. My ex told her she also needed to remove hers.
Now I have a healthy and strong kid, but it worries me to wonder from what depths of hell someone manages to hide a pregnancy, lie to EVERYONE around her about it, and keep living with it.
I never confronted her about it, and probably never will.
Don't worry, I get asked that a lot, it's cool. So I haven't done it yet, but I will. Actually I don't know exactly what would I do if the test turned out negative. My family has already grown incredibly fond of the boy, and I would hate to change that. In any way.
I have strong indications that he is mine, but I should really do it. Specially after re-reading all I wrote above.
I will, thanks for worrying! I have talked to my brother about this, and he said the most important thing isn't wether the kid is really mine or not, but his relationship with my family. It makes sense to me.
The biggest lie that I can remember from this person was that she had cervical cancer. Said it ran in her family and high mortality rate. She had her "surgery" and two weeks later told me that it turned out to be a dead fetus that got stuck in a fallopian tube. So she basically tried to insult my intelligence telling me that her doctor didn't know the difference between a pregnancy test and a cancer screening.
Girl I used to work with said she'd had cancer and nearly died. Said her hair was a wig because of chemo. Oh, and she'd also been in a horrific car crash that killed her fiancé. She claimed to have been a paratrooper in the military and that she broke both of her legs on a bad jump and spent 6 months in a wheelchair.
She might have gotten away with it....if not for the fact that the owner of the company was a former oncologist and sniffed out herbullshit afterabouttwo seconds.
A guy on my construction job informed that his parents where international spies, and his wife was pretty much a ninja. Scary part was that he really seemed to believe himself. This was a 53 year old as well, not some kid.
Told people his grandma lived in California and she was about to give him an early inheritance and he'd have over $57,000. He convinced people to give him money because he'd be able to pay them back soon... He might as well said he was a Nigerian Prince.
Would deposit money from his work into the bank. One day the deposit didn't go through at the bank. He told me he deposited the money but the bank ran out of printed receipts so they didn't give him one. He left to "talk with the bank about the missing $800+. It was complete BS he obviously tried to steal the money but failed. The bank would have hand written a receipt if they ran out of printing receipts
He would often get new cell phones from different companies. Had a sprint phone then verizon, then tmobile, then at&t. Every couple months he would get a new phone. He told me that he keeps finding good deals on the phones. I knew he wasn't paying the bills because I saw a bill in his car for Verizon that was over $500.
Got fired from his job for texting a co-worker instead of calling. The work policy was "no texting other co-workers" the thing was the girl he texted was a girl I knew quite well and she told me that he threatened to fire her if she didn't give him a blowjob. She screencapped the texts and sent them to his boss and was insta-fired.
When he was 19 he had sex with a 17 year old and got a rape charge. He said she was 2 weeks from turing 18. Turns out he actually raped her and he is a registered sex offender.
Has a 9 year old (got his girlfriend, different girl, pregnant after the whole rape thing). He hasn't seen his kid in 3 years but claims the mother is making it difficult for him to see her. He said he is just going to wait until she is 18 and start fresh with his daughter. In actuality he's just lazy and isn't trying to see his child
Got the lead role in the Phantom of the Opera but the week before the casting roles were announced he decided it wasn't for him and "quit"
Was a dance instructor for a big college and they'd pay him $800/night to teach ballroom dancing. And if he worked in sundays they would double his pay so he was making $3400 in a week doing about 6 hours of work. Tuesdays thursdays and sundays. (MY favorite lie of his)
(2007) He once was selling flat screen TVs by the pallet making tons of cash.
Slept with the hot girl from the gym. I asked her about him and she said she thought he was creepy and has no idea how he knows so much about her.
Sells cars and sells 30+ cars a month and makes $12,000 a month with his commission.
Built a $2500 liquid cooled PC when I asked to see it he said he just sold it for $4000 to a guy off craigslist.
My brother is notorious for this, and it has caused several huge divides between us:
He had everyone in his life, including our family, convinced that he had lukemia and only months to live. This was two years ago, and he's still fine. I knew better than to believe him, because he's always been a compulsive liar, but he even went so far as to have people drop him off and pick him up at the hospital for "chemotherapy". He's perfectly fucking healthy and does not have cancer. When I called him out on this, he was really embarassed and took serious offense to it.
He once called my cousin and said that he was in the hospital with his stepsister, who was in labor. She called me on Skype with him on speaker, and I heard the loop of labor and delivery sounds he was playing on the internet. It was blatantly obvious that it was a recording.
Most recently, at about 9am last Sunday, he made a statement on Facebook that four of his friends died at Pulse. Nobody knew the identities of anyone who died yet, not even the families, and he hasn't mentioned a word about it since. His ex partner, who passed away in December, frequented the club, but I know for a fact that he did not know a single person of the 49 who died, let alone four of them.
My brother grew up very lonely (he's my half-brother, and the only child of his mother, who sheltered him), and I honestly think he has a personality disorder, because I firmly believe that he thinks these lies are truths in his head.
CoreJJ · 1 points · Posted at 22:05:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He tried to convince me and 2 friends that he knew a guy that broken in the Buckingham Palace 5 time whilst hammered and once ended up in the queen closet. When she saw him he traded her silence for a bottle of Jack. Yeah right Laberge
A friend of mine told me I was an asshole because I got really upset when a certain woman we knew turned me down. I kept bugging her and asking her to hang out, until finally she had to block me from both Facebook and her phone.
Those things did happen, except it was him, not me.
He also told a friend of ours that she was cheating on her boyfriend. You read that correctly. I don't know if there's even a term for this kind of lie.
Our class mentor and tech teacher in high school was a compulsive liar. But his stories always had a moral to them. Like when one of us asked why we didn't use smoke machines during fire drills he tolds us they used to until one kid got so scared and jumped out of the window from the second floor thinking it was a real fire.
But then again, some stories didn't have a moral to them at all. Like that time he told us he used to be a double agent during the cold war, and a submarine captain or those two different times he had to rescue his burning veteran motor car by lifting the expensive engine out of it before it blew up.
A bit late to the party, but i got so many written on my phone from my years in high school, this is our biology teacher, and I studied in an arab country here it is:
-Him and his buddy made space toon's planets (design and sounds and animation).
-Drug dealer at age 20 risked making a gang follow him and kill him.
-Made isreal lose 1.25b because of hacking them but .. He didnt get paid jackshit.
-Hacker at age 15 and he is a spy.
-Used to work at nasa.Sold cellphones. Fixed computers and reprogramming them. Works as a scuba diver. Cashier at a restraunt,Teacher at a university and schools.
Prof. Hacker working for the military.
-A guy tried chasing him for 4 years staight because he hacked him but the guy failed because he hacked his neighbour ,soon the man got caught because the teacher complained.
Checked and marked 360 papers in one day also made 360 different copies of an exam in one day.
On his science fair ministers and famous people came to it.
Made an app. Posted it on the app store get 24 downloads per day.
-When he shouts his voice can get louder than an airplane engine.
-Was working hard so he forgot to eat and sleep for two days straight.
-Had an accident in his lab at home with some TNT 20mm worth exploded in his lab because he shacked it too much.
-He is currently 36 yrs old.
-Didn't sleep for 2 days because he "forgot".
-Hacked Microsoft (solo)
-Ate 5 kilo's worth of mansaf by himself (mansaf is rice mixed with meat, usually lamb).
His dad survived a sugar rise level of 660. And now he can walk and move normally.
-In the last day of school him and 7 other people lifted the principle's car (a hybrid) and took it behind the school. The principle took 2 days to search for it with the police. He found it in the end. But the police gave the principle a fine because they thought that it was a prank.
-In an appreciation ceremony the principle was giving out certificates and then he got shot and killed by one of the students.
-Him and 8 other people were playing poker and one of them wanted to go to the bathroom. He went and didn't come back so they sent someone to go look for him. Him as well didn't come back so they waited until 1am when they went in they saw their two friends looking at something. Not moving, not saying anything. They turned on the light they saw a bucket in the air pouring water in another bucket. The bucket suddenly fell. They ran away. Never to go back there again.
-He made an app called "teacher cool" it helps teachers with school work. He sold it to google for 1.75k, google uses it on their google play store.
-he said his university had 30 men and 970 women in his class.
-Broke his right hand when he punched right through the door.
-Didn't come to school because he Got paralyzed from taking the wrong medicine. If he drake more he would of gotten put in a coma
EDIT: fixed the format a bit, and I should have u know, these are around 3 years old, I wrote them on my note pad on my phone every time he gives us a new story
Descendent from jews who were persecuted by the nazis, but also descended from vikings, but lets not forget that they also said they were descended from the romans.
And then theres the one upmanship, admitted I had anxiety problems, they have depression, anxiety, OCD, schizophrenia and i shouldn't be so insensitive to think i have it worse all the time.
Countless countless examples I couldn't even begin to list here
He invented a "continuous motion machine", which is an engine which runs on no fuel and continually increases power output. His small prototype powered a rc model car which eventually burst into flames because of the excess power. He declined offers from oil companies who wanted to buy his design because he is "not in it for the money".
I decided to not argue with him because he seemed to have convinced himself that he is telling the truth.
Don't wana go to in depth incase he recognises himself on here but I used to work with him and here's a few bare in mind he was about 17 at the time and I was about 22.
*Asked me what's the most women I've slept with at once i said one. Apparently he had slept with 8 at the same time.
*The type of work we did took approx 20 minutes per job. Anyway I finished my job and waited at the van for him and he came back about 5 minutes later than expected. I said "take your time" to which I got a reply of "sorry was just getting a blow job from the lady at that house" even though I saw him walk straight from the house he was working at.
*Both of us working on one large house and I finished my bit and went back to the van to start packing up. He came back a few minutes later put his stuff in the van and got in. Then sort of rubbed his back. Asked him what was up and he claimed he'd just fell off the top of the ladder (approx 20 feet) into his back.Asked him if needed to go to the hospital to which he said nah and carried on working for the rest of the day.
I only worked with him for about 2 weeks or no doubt I'd have more to add.
This guy told me (and apparently a LOT of other people) he quit this chinese food restaraunt because he found out it was a front for an opium trade and the DEA raided them and held a gun to his and the rest of the employees' head. I already knew it was fake, but I checked the news so I could 100% confidently call him on his bullshit. I live in a small community and something like that DEFINITELY would have made the news, but there was nothing. Later I was talking to the manager of the place and I brought it up and he told me he fired the guy because he was super lazy.
My boyfriend's best friend. We'll call him Jim. Well one day we were going to Jim's house to hang out and before we leave my boyfriend calls him to let him know we were on the way. Apparently during the phone call Jim was saying he was in the middle of having sex with a girl. So we get there and Jim's mom lets us in and says he's in his room. We go up and knock on the door, the guy comes out while putting on his shirt and peaks back into the room (door mostly closed) and tells the supposed girl that he would be back. Keep in mind we couldn't see into his room at all. Anyway we go downstairs to hang out for awhile and then my boyfriend goes upstairs to get something from Jim's room and later told me there was no one up there. Nor had Jim mentioned her or who she was at all while we were there. We both knew that he was bullshitting and just wanted to seem cool so we never brought it up.
Husband's friend missed their mutual friend's wedding because of a "kidney stone." He was well enough that night to do some blow at the reception. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
-told us he had open heart surgery without being put under. Came to our friends house the next day in crushes and told us that" every step he took hurt like he was being stabbed by knives"
-Said that he had a Phd in psychology. The kid lives with his mom.
Said on multiple occasions that he attempted to commit suicide. Went as ar as to say he tried to commit suicide 3 times day for the whole week.
It gets to the point where you honestly just resent them. Its almost unbearable listening to his BS stories now. You just gotta avoid those people.
Its ironic that they do it out of a deep desire for attention but the effect is the complete opposite. People just start ignoring them and distancing themselves from them. I couldn't imagine being in that mindset where you actually think you can make people believe your stories.
He claimed he wrote a virus that could permanently erase an entire hard drive in a couple seconds. When I asked what language he wrote it in he said "on a mac". He got mad when I explained that it's physically impossible to irretrievably wipe all data on a (conventional) hard drive in a couple seconds using software.
Show a picture of a well known porn star fully clothed and says "that's my wife" and they don't even look similar. No amount of argument, even his wife agreeing with me, would not sway him. To this day he thinks his wife looks like a porn star.
Trained in Japan to be a master of some martial art but didnt go through with it because it meant killing another master
Has two very expensive motorcycles and two nice cars, all either in storage or taken through divorce
Used to ride bulls and live on a huge ranch until a freak accident
Used to be a professional parkourer until again, an accident
Hacked into the CIA for fun and it was easy
Has an ex-wife, an ex-fiance, and a daughter, the ex-wife is dead but has a twin sister or a ghost that came to his extended stay hotel room to haunt/pester him
And thats just the stuff he told me, hes told all kinds of other stories to his coworkers.
the only thing he wont talk about is the fact that he raped a girl and thats why hes on probation and cant drink.
"I was a starter on my (big 10) university's basketball team." He was maybe 5'3".
My former employer dated a man with the most severe case of Napoleon syndrome ever. Over the course of a year I realized:
1. He did not actually have a high profile job in finance like he said, he just spent her cash to get a series of suits dry cleaned, and made excuses for why he was always just farting around her business all day and night
2. He didn't even have his own car, just drove her sports car around and pretended it was his
3. Made outlandish and generally false or only partly true claims about every subject imaginable, every day
4. Was constantly being agressively sexually inappropriate to female staff, in the most demeaning way possible, and was outed to me by a mutual acquaintance as a closet homosexual.
That when he was a 6yo, he went to a birthday party, got really angry and broke everybody there's bones. Unfortunately he was completely serious about the whole thing.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:12:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Friend from high school couldn't stop lying. On our first college break he told us he was pulled over by a female cop while test driving a Ferrari, who let him off with a warning after hitting on him.
x4dm · 1 points · Posted at 22:12:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend who said he was driving through farm country and saw a cow with a rope in its mouth and the same rope going out its butt. He claimed he even took a picture of it. Still haven't seen the picture to this day.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:13:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
They said they stepped on a ptarmigan in Antarctica. I didn't even respond.
Let's see. I have a former roommate that claimed (in his early 20's) to: Own a BDSM club in London, be a member of a band that was famous in the UK, have been in the US Marines, done time in "the sandbox", own houses in Europe, to "practically" have a medical degree, and a bunch of other crazy bullshit. Also, despite being famous and owning all of this stuff, he was homeless in the US and living off my family. Heh. Also, he was creepy as hell and set my Yahoo IM to save my conversations with other people. Which he read. And had the gall to be mad at me for having.
My old co-worker. She lied to the entire staff about being pregnant, then one night she said she had to leave her shift early because "she just had a miscarriage in the bathroom."
Being horrified and curious, I went in there to "clean up the mess."
This bitch took a huge, wet, and liquid dump on, and around the toilet and didn't want to clean it up. The worst part is that she came into work the next day like nothing had happened.
I know it was poop because I had to clean that shit up. Still hate her to this day.
His stepdad was in the witness protection program after being a mafia boss.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:15:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He could cut other people's spines out with a pair of scissors
Viako · 1 points · Posted at 22:15:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had a co-worker inform me she and her family went to one of those no fence, walk-through Safari parks. Claims she has a photo of her son holding a bear cub, while its mother stood by. All I could do was nod and say "oh, wow."
That my friend had verbally abused them over the phone until they cried. That phone conversation happen to be on loud speaker while I was sitting next to said friend.
He said he was riding his long board and an old lady ran a stop sign as he was crossing the street. He hit the car so hard he broke through her windshield and was on her lap. The left side of his face is now droopy. Been a year and he still says he can't feel his face.
He also said his roommates kicked him out because they didn't like him. No it was because he jacked off so much into condoms and threw them under his bed which created a disgusting smell throughout the house and he wouldn't do anything about it.
Used to play in a cover band, and I was responsible for singing when we played Voodoo Chile. He one day informed me that I had been singing the song wrong all along, because since it was spelled "Chile" as opposed to "Child" it was pronounced "CHILL-ee."
She was pregnant with triplets. Then one baby ate the other two and she couldn't live with a cannabolistic baby in her, so she got an abortion. I still can't believe it.
What if this whole thread is full of impulsive lies?!? This damn lying thread of compulsive liars compulsively lying to compulsive liars! I don't believe any of you!
I'm late to the party, but this bro I used to work with once heard a story from my friend who a week or two later proceeded to tell it back to my friend as if the story had happened to him. This guy eventually got fired for stealing
I had an Italiano friend named Luca in San Diego who would tell those incredibile stories and I think he was really mentally ill. One of the good One was that One day he showed me his necklace, he said he was the best friend of Pablo Escobar and when he was dying he toom it off and gave it To him as a final gift. He almost cried while telling the Story and we were crying as well laughing in his face. He had a scaricare on his left part of the abdomen and he would say a differenti Story everytime. The One I like the best was that it was bitten by a white shark in Florida or the One wheb he was racing in F1. Crazy guy.
My ex husband said he recognized my face and the man's dick in a short, maybe 30 second, potato quality, video on a 1.5inch flip. And the video came from one of his friends, and I can call him if I want to confirm.
Context: after we broke up he was still doing crazy possessive stuff like looking through my phone. I was still living with him for a while because we decided it was best to stay friends and he needed my vehicle to get to work. We had casual sex but as much as he tried to hide it I know we were both banging others casually as well. I didn't care, because we are going through a divorce, he did because "I only love you even if it didn't work out" bullshit.
Well I left my phone alone in the bathroom for a while. Once I realized it was not on me I knew he looked through it. As soon as I go back to retrieve my phone I go into the bedroom and he is acting weird so I wait till he spills it because I know the lie is coming. A friend had sent me the crapy pixelated shaky video he took off me giving him head. Can't see anything but the hair on the top of my head part of my nose and maybe my lips on few a frames. The video was bad. Before smart phones bad. Didn't even have a full cock pic it in for obvious reasons. I thought maybe he was going to admit looking through my phone but ohhh nooooo can't make himself look bad and crazy nooooo! He asked me if I ever cheated on him during our marriage. I said no. Then he says that his friend sent him a video that is going all around town and someone recognized it as me with my friend and sent it to him to confirm. And he pulls up the vid on his shit phone asking Me if I want to see it. And I stop him and say "you got that off of my phone. No one in town cares enough about this shit for it to go around town. And like seriously you can't see shit. You were looking through my phone I'm not that stupid." Then he tells me which friend sent it, that recognized me, and I can give him a call right now (knowing I'm not going to). This friend, I have only ever seen him face to face a handful of times so he doesn't actually know me, I know would say anything to make my husband sound nice. I just finished it off like this "We are in the middle of a divorce. What I do after you broke up with me is none of your fucken business, no that video wasn't during our marriage. And if you expect me to believe you're such a saint that has never done wrong you're an idiot. I will not waste my time tracking down where you got this video from because I know where you did and also I don'tcare. Who the Hell are you trying to impress with your lies...what do you want from me?"
I did ask my friend if he sent it to anyone by chance and he said "no why would I it's not even a good vid." He said one of his friends did see it but said the same thing and didn't care about it.
My ex is the biggest liar I know. Will lie about the stupidest of things. Even told me jokes from the internet that he would try to pass off as events that occurred to him.
Said he worked for Rockstar and developed GTAV When we asked for proof he showed us at shirt he got off some custom t shirt website which he printed the GTAV logo on and "developer" on the backside.
I knew I kid, good friend, in high school who had IBS and missed about half a year of school. (For most of that time he was at home playing WOW). When he returned to school, he didn't have the heart to tell people he was shitting his brains out for half the year, so he told them that he had ankle cancer. Seemingly harmless, until some students started gathering money for him to help pay for his medical bills. He then had to explain that he was shitting his brains out for half the year.
My friend's unemployed mother once told us 100% seriously that she was an astronaut. We were just dead silent and got the hell out of that room as soon as we could. What do you even say to that?
Some old friend who I used to work with in it hat Epileptics (is that the right Word?) And stopped his traineeship, he's now very obese and living atvhis mom and plaIng warframe and csgo 24/7. He isnt good in csgo and doesn't know anything about the game, he told me once he unboxed a dragonlore Souvenir Fn with 4 Titan Holos on it from a Winter Case ( the dragonlore is a sniperskin that is worth thousands of real Cash) despite the fact that it's impossible to get a dlore from a Winter case, or having a Souvenir with 4 Titan Holos unboxed, i checked his inventory History and yeah... he is also almost everyday in World Championships in Counterstrike and has beaten most of pro Teams with his Team of 3 people, i can Kind of understand why he is lying, he has no social life and only has his Computer, nothing to tell. Im kinda das for him
Edit: feel free to correct my english pls, im not a native speaker
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:27:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
• That his grandfather made the joker design that Justin Bieber used on his album, and he showed Justin the design on a meet and greet.
• He won a fight against 14 guys, alone.
He said many things, those stood out to me though.
There was this one fat guy who lived in the richer part of town I would see at parties my first year of college:
He claimed he was a 'veteran gangbanger of seven gangs starting with the latin kings (he's white) to the DC blacks, to the Aryan Brotherhood, to the Satan's Desciples (he claimed he used to worship the devil with them too)
*He claimed he was possessed by the devil on his 13th birthday, at an olive garden, and he had to take a giant shit to go back to normal.
*He showed up to a party wearing a black "Security" t-shirt and brought a bb pistol (he got kicked out after he told some girls that it was real)
*He claims he's only attracted to Maxim models and juggalettes
*I caught him at the mall telling a 12 year old girl he used to be a drug dealer (he was 19 at the time)
*He claims he got badass from living in Cicero, Illinois where he joined all his gangs. He said there was one time he got a gun pointed to his head in front of an elementary school during a drug deal gone wrong. He told the dealer "Do it, I'm not afraid to die". Then the gunman lost his nerve, started crying, and ran away.
He said he wrote the screenplay for the movie City of Ember but had it stolen from him. This is movie based on a book I doubt he's read or even knows exists.
effinx · 1 points · Posted at 22:29:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This guy started my high school in our final year, and decided that my group of friends was going to be his best friends. It was really quite fun.
-He told us that he had once run away with the circus because of the love of his life was a acrobat, and that he was training with her - but now he had forgot how to do the tricks
That he had never been in love before he met one of my best friends, and then a few weeks later he said he was just "infused with her scent"
He said that his mum owned the pub a couple of blocks down from our school and that he could get us free entrance (But he failed to show the date we set to meet)
And the one that really made us laugh,
that he had been called in to an audition for a secret Disney project in London, by an anonymous person who thought he had talent and had seen him perform in said circus.
It ended up with me calling him out on the street due to me being the bull of our group whos not afraid of a fight and later on facebook tell him to suck it up and become a decent human being, and stop lying.
Ran a marathon, but had to carry an exhausted friend through the last 10 miles (but he did not know his time). Didn't just play basketball in school, he could 'hit the top of the backboard." His uncle knows where Jimmy Hoffa is buried. And so many more.
There was a guy my friend worked with once that was a compulsive liar. My friend loved it because he would come up with the most absurd stories that would liven up the work place. The funniest part was that this guy seriously believed what he was saying.
One of them was that he golfed with Tiger Woods. He said he beat him by 3 strokes, as well as told everyone he's taller than Tiger. This guy is only 5'9" while Tiger is like 6'3".
-Was an MMA fighter until she got pregnant. She was 18 when she got pregnant and couldn't throw a punch to save her life.
Used to breed savannah cats as a child. Her mom is eyes swollen allergic to cats.
-Has lupus. Never took meds and went out partying/drinking all the time (a lupus no no). Panicked and never brought it up again when she learned a friend of mine really does have lupus.
-Infertile due to lupus. Has a 1 y/o baby and claimed to have had at least three abortions. Really, either of these stories can be true and the other false.
-Her brother tried to kill her and got her hooked on cocaine when she was 12. He was then put in jail for it. I asked her mom "why are you inviting him to her babies first birthday?" Long story short: He was never in jail, she insisted she never told me that story, then immediately cut off all contact with me.
Plenty more, I'm sure, I just cant remember all the contradictory things she's said.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:31:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That Trump steak is the best 5 star steak.
I mean come on, why would the best steak be sold at Sharpies?!
When I was in third grade a friend told me his dad had a television so advanced, it could fast forward live television. His dad made all his money designing the video game Bomberman. And I believed every word.
That she was going on a trip in the summer to start her own fashion line in Paris AND was going to attend Yale. Both of these stories came out after someone else in the group was celebrating something good that happened to them. She always had to be the center of attention. Surprise, surpr
Oh and this one guy who claimed he was a lawyer in the UK at the age of 22 and some pro soccer player. Dude's in Pakistan and spent at least 12 hours a day online on a Pokemon site.
I had a friend who was the worst compulsive liar I've met, and I've come across a lot. The worst, in my opinion, is when he lied about having his prestigious war medal (can't remember which) stolen from his car. He somehow got the evening news to do a story on it. He had briefly served in the military as an MP but never went overseas, and definitely didn't receive this medal, as confirmed by his family members. He also claimed to be a marine while he had actually been in the army. He used to put photos "he had taken" in Iraq on his facebook page--these were either stock photos or those that had been published in major periodicals.
My friend once told me his dad threw him through a brick wall.
J0K_ · 1 points · Posted at 22:35:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I just got back from Japan and a guy on the tour felt the need to reinvent himself with the following:
Has inherited over 10 million dollars (he wore the same clothes for the entire 2 weeks I spent with him, they smelt horrible)
Was part of the "1%'ers" which is apparently a bikie gang, he got in by fighting the Sgt and taking his jacket off but he didn't want to be a full time member which they were totally cool with because of his fighting skills.
Was covered in tattoos under his clothes but didn't remember he took his shirt off in front of me with none to be seen.
A sniper in the army with many confirmed kills
After our tour which was in Japan he was sneaking into North Korea
Owned some million dollar construction company and was the ''youngest'' construction manager in Australia. My friends brother is a construction manager at 26 years old.. this guy was well in his 30's.
Could speak fluent Japanese though never spoke it or could understand anyone
These are the most memorable but there were way more little lies about all the cool clothes, watches and sunglasses he had at home or how he was a super aggressive business man that would kill or do anything for his company. Honestly he wasn't a bad guy and on the last night he stopped lying and we had a great time without the bullshit. It worries me that people are so unhappy with who they are that they have to go to this extent.
Not only was she a compulsive liar, she was the most annoying person I've ever known (partially because of the compulsive lying). Anyway, this girl joined my high school in my sophomore year, and she was really outgoing and "fake" friendly but lied ALL THE TIME about stupid shit. Her biggest whopper came in my junior year (2006), in which she claimed to own a 2006 Passat. No one had ever seen it, much less seen her drive it, and knowing her and her family, could definitely not afford it (as a 16 year old with no credit). I remember asking about it at her graduation party at her house, because it wasn't in the driveway and I would have assumed she would still own it a year later, and she made up some clearly bullshit story about where it was, I don't remember what she said though. By that point, no one believed anything she said. I think she lied about getting into some prestigious colleges and ended up going to some state school or something. I'm sure there's an explanation for that too.
My sisters boyfriend, his stories are so intolerable.. I hate it. Here's some of the things he told me.
The muscles in his back are so strong, they bent a needle a nurse tried to stick in him.
He used to race cars when he was young.
He's been all around the world. I think he might have said every single country?
He's broken a hundred and odd bones in his body.
Can't think of anymore at the moment, I wish I'd written them down.. I get more everytime I see him. He's one of those people, where if you tell a story or say something, he has to one up your story with a fake story of his own, or he has to disagree with you and try to correct you. Even if you're obviously right about something.
Oh man. So I had this buddy growing up who was the world's best bullshitter. He's 4 years older than me, so of course 14 year old anime lover me ate this shit up.
Among the stories were his martial arts training in China under a grandmaster every summer, gang wars with his best friend Benny in LA, and yes , gratuitous sex with many many women.
Ultimately he's a good guy who's always been there for me and as I grew up he knew he couldn't get away with bullshitting me anymore so he stopped, but hey. They were entertaining at the time.
Restil · 1 points · Posted at 22:38:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Haven't been friends with him for decades, but was back in the mid 90's, around the time that Congress passed a bill to eliminate the national speed limit and revert that responsibility to the states. It was a much discussed news story at the time, and was also newsworthy because Clinton took a long time to sign it.
My friend, apparently unaware that the law hadn't been passed yet, insisted on a recent visit to Oklahoma that all of the highway speed limit signs now said 75 instead of 65. I have no idea why he chose to tell me that, knowing full well that the signs definitely still said 65, and also knowing I would be travelling there myself in the near future and would very quickly realize the truth.
I know a guy who's a bit of an Internet celebrity in the tech world. Easily the biggest liar I've ever met. Everyone knows he lies, too. It's sad, because he's likely compensating for who knows what. He's a funny guy, so if he stopped with the bullshit he'd probably have a lot more friends.
My friend recently told me about how for his graduation ceremony they pulled the 'give the principal a jar of marbles' prank and how everyone was in on it and it was 'sooo hilarious'.
We graduated together. It absolutely did not happen.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:39:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
If you know a true pathological liar they're endlessly fascinating. I can only say I met one honest to goodness pathological one. Among many other things:
her mile time was 2 minutes and 57 seconds.
she was a wood peeler who created sculptures that are in every museum in the world. every museum.
she was 6'3" (yes despite the fact that she had to look up at me and I'm 5'11")
On an on...it really never ends. Initially I was angry she lied, later I was just fascinated to see what she'd come up with next. I treated even the most absurd lie with seriousness and was duly impressed. Only downside is she never did have sex with me.
My brother showed him a remote start system he installed in his car. The liar said that's nothing back home in Pakistan we have a system where we press a button and the car comes out of the car park and parks in front of you. This was years before Lane guidance etc.
I had a friend who stated he was in a gang, became their leader, and eventually left the gang with no issues. Mind you, he's a rdneck from southern Indiana, the gang in question was 5 hours away, he was only there about a week every 3-4 years, and the city in question is quite small (several thousand). This guy also lied about having a mounted 50-cal gun coming uncoupled while in the army, hitting him, the force pushing him and the gun against the wall, sandwiching him, and hurting his knee, even though his chest, back, and head are all ok.
lied her family had oil wealth. she was well off but the way they spoke about it, it made it seem as though they had Billions, not just millions.
lied that her mother had cancer (SUCH a cliche, I know).
lied that her parents/grandparents were going to kidnap her from college because they found out she had been drinking. (this one gets me the most because the whole series of lies really screwed with a friend of mine who fell hook line and sinker for her act. My friend housed her, pretty much escorted her around campus for a month. Spent all her spare time with her for her 'safety'. The messed up thing is she had a meeting with the Dean relating to this as well. Found out it was 100% fake because they 'forgot' about the event and laughed it off as an 'ow yeah that was so lol, you guys my fam are cray' moment barely a year later when we MET HER LOVING FAMILY at a birthday party where EVERY ONE drank alcohol....openly)
lied about several boyfriends (this was strange because she is super attractive, but would just lie about certain guys whom she easily COULD have slept with/gone out with. This was the biggest red flag because these lies were not exaggerations, cries for helps etc, it was lying purely for the sake of lying.
That he was in a gang that was so tough that if a police officer gave them trouble the gang would get 20 guys with shotguns to surround the cop's car and make him leave.
I've known two that stand out to me. One was a guy who I played handball with a couple times at the park, claimed to have seen a real life transformer on the highway (like in the first movie which came out a week before he told me this) and that his friend has a button on his wall that you press and unveils a room full of various guns, kind of like the first Men in Black.
Second was a girl I met in high school. First day I met her she told me she was adopted by an abusive family after a series of tragedies, one of which was her fathers suicide after she accidentally caused her brothers death. I felt horrible and stressed for days until I learned from people who have known her for years that she never had a brother and her biological father is very much alive, and that she tells variations of this story. Also, she says she was in a music video for VH1, but you cant see her because she tripped as the camera panned over her
One of my friends as a child was a compulsive liar. The one I most remember is him saying they had a helicopter so they could come visit me anytime when he was moving away.
The security guard at my work told us the story about how his friend jumped out of his bedroom window onto the trampoline in the garden, and then bounced back in through the window.
I had been seeing this guy I knew back from high school, and we were talking and hanging out pretty often then one day he completely cut all contact. I was a little upset, but I ran into some of his old friends who insisted he was a compulsive liar anyways, not to be too upset. Fast forward three months, he's back working at a store near my house. I ran into him yesterday. He insisted he's been in jail for three months for assault on his mom, but "we should totally hang out." He forgot to unfriend me on Facebook, and he posted selfies with some girl on the beach about every week.
Girl I went to school with in middle school and high school was just so good at everything. It was believable at first, she would say "I tried out for this soccer team and made it on an even better team." Valid enough, could've happened. Then her range of skills just kept growing. At her old school, they put her in 7th grade math in 5th grade (what?) because she was so smart. I remember the moment I knew she was absolutely full of shit and stopped believing anything she said was when she learned I was a dancer. Her response to learning that fact? "Oh, I took a ballet class last year, after my first day they moved me right up to pointe because I was so good, but I stopped after a couple weeks because I felt bad for the other dancers there who had to try to hard."
My Girlfriend's mother is a compulsive liar. She's in her mid forties, going on fifty, and she maintains that she has multiple sclerosis. She also likes to make up diseases when someone else is having a major life event, like a wedding or graduation, to try and win the attention away. Most people are wise about her BS, but some people actually believe her...
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:45:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a cousin who was a pathological liar. Just off the top of my head:
She had cancer. 10 or 12 different times and to have chemo each time but it never affected her hair.
She was personal friends with Bill Clinton.
Our grandmother left a house to her, her sister, and me (we all own 1/3 of it). She tells people that her rich ex husband bought it for her when they got divorced.
She was married once, but got divorced because she cheated. Told everybody it was something else, I don't remember what.
My brother has compulsively lied about things his entire life.
I watched him print off a picture, tape it to the sliding glass window and trace it. He then proceeded to get very angry and insist he did not trace it when I asked him about it.
I walked downstairs to see him putting wart removal gel on his hand. Later he came up and was using nail clippers to snip dead skin off said-wart. I told him not to because warts were contagious. Again he got pissed off and told me it wasn't a wart.
Insisted he didn't siphon gas from my mom's car after she found the garden hose cut and lying on the ground next to her car with the gas cap cover open.
Insisted he didn't steal a gas can from my grandparents, even though we found the can hidden in the bushes at our house.
So, Amanda (17 or so) was always a lier. She had told everyone in our high school many crazy things.She was having an affair with her soccer coach, and they would get married in Mexico next month. She was running away and had connections all over the country to dissappear ect... but the big one was that she was pregnant and had to kill her parents to keep the baby because they wouldn't let her be with her 20 something year old boyfriend. It was so crazy how many people she told this to. No one who is about to commit murder tells everyone in class about it. Not more than a week later all over the news in our hometown something like YOUNG COUPLE KILLS GIRLS PARENTS. She did it. She fucking did it.
I met a kid my sophomore year in college that told us:
-He put a supercharger in him 01 Audi A6, which there wasn't. He remained adamant about it even when our other friend (whose a mechanic) looked and told us there wasn't one.
-His dad bought him a brand BMW M5 but he was "registering" it for 3 months. And that the dealership gave him 10 grand for his old car, which he was still driving.
-Told us he had a beach house, upon arriving, the door was locked and he said he forgot the key (wasn't even his house!)
-His ex girlfriend cheated on him and left him. Turns out he never had a girlfriend, and just picked some random girl that lived in our dorm and started call her his "ex"
The worst part was to try and prove his "ex" was real he made up some story about how she threw a bottle at his dorm window. He got on the phone with his parents and started crying in front of us. Would have felt bad for him, but I could hear his parents saying "Shane... We just want you to tell us the truth".
Really sad how some people go through life like that.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:47:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well, this is going back a few years so the person in question might have wound her neck in by now, but I knew this girl who told me she had leukaemia and then a month later said she was all clear because the doctor gave her a bottle of nondescript pills she took every day and that made the cancer magically go away.
You can probably guess that there was no doctor, no magic beans pills and certainly no cancer.
My sister and I had some friends,a pair of sisters the same ages we were, who tended to spout some very self-assured bullshit, although I don't think I'd say they were compulsive liars (the younger one was a compulsive one-upper, which sometimes was the same thing). I think the biggest one they tried to get us to believe was that the Hogwarts robes they had were the real ones from the movie. When I asked if they meant they were exact replicas of the kind used in the movie, they told us that no, these were the actual ones that Dan, Emma, and Rupert wore.
whan12 · 1 points · Posted at 22:50:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One of my high school teachers who is about as Caucasian as they come, said his father used to be a chief of a native American tribe. Also, the teacher claimed to finish a project $5 million under budget at his old company and that he used to be an air force commander. The guy did a lot in his life.....
Oh boy. I had a friend for several years who... I guess she wanted to be a good liar? She didn't do it often, which was good, because she was terrible at it.
The biggest one was the time she wiped out on her bike, scraped her arm up, and decided the best cover story would be that she was attacked by a pterodactyl.
A freaking pterodactyl.
When called out on the logistics, it became a swarm of Pygmy pterodactyls. They'd knocked her off her bike, scraped her arm with a beak-bite, and flown off into the sky. She hunted down some urban legend documentary thing about somebody else with the "same experience" and "nobody believed them either."
It wouldn't have been so bad if she'd given it up but she stuck to it for weeks, and we were 14. Holy crap, girl.
A guy I worked with was the hero of every story he ever told. He was telling me about the time this great big biker and his girl on the back, stopped next to him at a red light. He looked over at the biker and said to him (you must not love her) the biker said WHAT??? So he repeated You must not love her. The biker says WHY?? Because your'e not making her wear that helmet hanging off the back. The biker says to him. You know? your'e right and he made the girl put the helmet on.
My dad is one. One time his second wife wanted to go swimming. He didn't know how to swim but she didn't know this. So instead of telling her the truth he said he couldn't because he had PTSD from being in the Navy.
And one time he even told my mother that he had MS a few years ago, but was cured. He claimed that they discovered it through a reflex test.
My grandfather on his side was also a big liar, tho all of his lies were him knowing a bunch of famous movie stars.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:52:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In high school I knew a girl who concocted an elaborate story about how she was pregnant with her boyfriend's baby and that he was treating her very poorly. The whole time she complained about how bad her period cramps were and asked me for tampons more than once.
I've known lots of compulsive liars, so I'm generally pretty good at picking them out. Wife made a new friend that I met for the first time recently. Everything was fine and dandy until she tried to bullshit me on a topic I knew: Magic the Gathering
Oh she had this collection if cards worth hundreds of thousands of dollars, had multiples of all the most valuable cards that people would just give her, and that people wouldn't let her use some deck she had because it was so powerful, and they wouldn't even let her play it at large sanctioned tournaments. Then her family said it was devil worship and burned her whole collection. She was tearing up and everything while telling me this story.
She must have not realized I was paying attention throughout the course of the day when I learned how old she was. Because apparently this story happened when she was a teenager...2 years before Magic was invented. After that it was pretty apparent that she was full of shit 90% of the time.
I was engaged to a horribly compulsive liar... Definitely not the WORST, but probably the most obvious lie that he told me was when he showed me a band and when he learned I like them said, "yeah they're not together anymore but they were from our state, I did guest guitar on their album and they thanked me in their CD cover..." So like, how hard was it for me to find this CD and realize what bullshit that was.
Lots of red flags I ignored for far too long until finally being able to drag myself out four years later
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:53:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The latest is epilepsy. He has epilepsy. He previously had leg cancer. Before that, a heart attack. He's 37 and doesn't want to work. These lies are to keep his wife off his back. She's gullible as fuck.
He told me that, when he was in 4th grade, he played the Mendelssohn violin concerto, in his sleep, without missing a note. Here's the kicker: he had never seen the music before either. And of course, his parents just forgot to film him, but they were the ones who saw him do it.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:54:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew this kid in preschool that we called Lars the Liar. I don't remember all of the lies he would try to tell us, but here are my two favorites:
"Me and my dad went to the moon this weekend"
"I've been 15 before."
These were always completely unsolicited. Don't know why 15 was the magic number he chose, but he was committed to the fiction.
Well, I still haven't painted the full picture myself as I am trying to figure out what was truth and what was a lie.
Apparently he cheated on me multiple times and at the beginning of our relationship he was also in a relationship with another girl, which I found out this last weekend, a year and a half after I finally broke up with him. He also constantly lied to me about his alcohol and drug abuse. He basically lived a double life despite us spending 3/4ths of the week together for almost 2 years, how he managed I do not know and how I was blind enough not to notice I do not know either. There were friends I never heard off and others he made up. He told me horrible lies about his past and how he was abused when the truth was the opposite, he treated everyone around him terribly and used these lies as an excuse. Finally I started too realize that I was in fact in an abusive relationship and got the strength to break up with him. I am still trying to figure things out and I am constantly learning new truths about him. He basically stole away my teenage years (him being 6 years older than me and me being only 16 when we started dating) and now the things that he did to me will haunt me for a long time. Today this whole relationship feels as it was built up on my daydream fantasies and his lies....
These things are hard to put into words as I still need to figure these things out by myself.
My friend Jay is the worst for this, comes up with all sorts of things. Mostly about his trials for West Ham or the ridiculous sex he's been having at the caravan park. His worst one though was definitely about going on holiday to Spain and taking a pedalo over to Africa.
I was fooled into housing and feeding a friend for months because he claimed he was awaiting a multimillion dollar settlement for gay discrimination against him which supposedly took place on the first day of work at a job he moved over 2700 miles away from home for.
He staged phone calls, meetings with attorneys, met with apartments asking if he could pay a year's rent up front.
I was being nice and never REALLY believed the lies although it was fascinating how elaborate they became.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:58:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
We passed a cross on the interstate to mark where someone had died. He said his friend from his childhood died there after stealing and consuming his beer on the way to be the opening act for billy Ray cyrus.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:58:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
My friend and I play CS:GO for the first time and he gets 2 lucky kills with a sniper. The next day I see him at school, we talk about those lucky kills he got. He then tells me "I play in ESEA you know. (pro league)"
I had a roommate in college who was a pathological liar. I first noticed that he told little fibs here and there. But the stories grew longer and more detailed as time passed. The biggest story centered around him telling me that he took a swing at one of our dorm-mates (which turned out to not be true because that person was out of town at the time).
But the most obvious and ridiculous story that he kept up for an entire semester: He told us that he showered, but we knew he never showered.
Where I went to college, we had communal showers. So you would carry your shower stuff in little totes that would have your shampoo, soap, etc... I knew he never showered because his tote never moved from his closet and eventually gathered dust on it. Furthermore, none of the guys (or girls for that matter) ever saw him going to or leaving from the showers.
Once a few of us realized this, people would ask him when he showered last and he would always come up with some long explanation or excuse. It eventually became kind of a sad joke.
My employee called out because he was mugged on the bus. Said his face was pummeled by this person and he was forced to get several stiches. The next day, he shows up to work looking perfectly fine. I immediately asked him how this was possible to which he responds..."i heal fast".
I was having an argument against my table and my chemistry teacher about the flammability of oxygen. They wouldn't beliebe me that oxygen wasn't flammable.
My compulsive liar friend then tried claiming victory by stating he had lit an oxy-acetylene torch with only the oxygen valve on.
His lie broke the laws of physics, and my table and my teacher ate it up.
One girl at my table came back to mr and apologized because she realized if oxygen was flammable then the entire world would be set ablaze with the light of a single match.
Lesmix · 1 points · Posted at 23:00:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When John Travolta was round at a schoolfriend's house enjoying his tea, he confided in this friend that he was entrusted by the US government with a gun that could shoot the world in half but luckily for the world, the reason he got to keep the gun was because he promised that he would "never ever use it."
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:01:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well, he told me he was allergic to fruit, as he was drinking a virgin piña-colada.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:01:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know a girl who is a compulsive liar and would lie about the dumbest stuff, but when we had undeniable proof is my favorite.
She made a fake fb with a guy named Brent. She acted like her and Brent were dating and used a picture that was too good, professional. She had conversations with herself on fb and on her birthday she posted she had the best boyfriend ever because he got her Bruno Mars tickets.
I commented that my present seemed lame in comparison but "Brent" said she'd love whatever I got. After work I went to her house and gave her my present and started asking about this Brent. How can I, her best friend, know nothing about this guy. Especially since we live in a small town. I also asked whether. The concert was, she replied with something along the lines of "I'm not sure, he just said he got tickets. I think it's in a few months". So thanks to Google I just looked up Bruno Mars' tour dates because she didn't know when or where it was. Turns out he wasn't even touring in America for almost a year.
So I'm feeling weird about this Brent guy and tell some of my close friends. One guy just does a reverse image search and found out Brent is really some hot ass personal trainer that lives 16 hours away and his name isn't even Brent. I called her out on it and she wouldn't admit to it. I mean, I had the guy's website pulled up and everything and she said Brent must have used the pic since they look so much alike. I wanted to meet this guy on talk to him but then his account disappeared almost immediately.
To this day she refuses to admit it and has been in some trouble so obviously there's some issues there. But fuckin A, this girl would try to convince you the sky is purple and believe it herself.
TL;DR: girl makes fake fb account for fake boyfriend, reverse image search busts her, still refuses to admit the truth.
What if she was trolled by someone with that fake account and is too embarrassed to admit it?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:13:17 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
No. She would tag herself with him at places. Carry on conversations about things they had done over the weekend. "Brent" even messaged certain people talking about things that only she would know. She was trying to make guys jealous, get attention, and probably bored. We did a thorough investigation and we know it was her.
She got pregnant. Then stomach cancer ate the baby. Got pregnant again. But aliens abducted it.
The context of this all was 15/16 year olds at a church youth group. So either she was an outright liar, or she was really bad at covering up abortions. She's actually a good person though, just a stupid teenager.
Another dude was a complusive liar. He had two kids but he was a virgin. Dad, uncle, cousin worked for so and so band and he always had backstage passes and would be a touring guitarist (you know, despite being 16, terrible at guitar, and be hanging out with people while he was on stage). He was the top marksman in sniper school except for the fact that he served time for going awol at basic.
Motherfucker even stole my Half Life pack (Half Life, Opposing Force, Blue Shift, Counter Strike, and I think one other). Claimed he lent them to me, and then threatened to call the cops if I bothered him about it again. And then still had the audacity to ask why he wasn't invited to my birthday party.
There was an episode of the old Nickelodeon show As Told By Ginger where Ginger writes a depressing/morbid short story and gets sent to a therapist.
My friend tried telling me she also got sent to a therapist while we were in elementary school. She showed me the story that supposedly got her sent to the therapist and it was the story that Ginger had written in the show. Idk if she really turned that in and got sent to a therapist or if she made the whole thing up.
Sorry for not being clear haha
czulu · 1 points · Posted at 23:02:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hooo buddy, this is secondhand so it won't be as detailed but this dude was just crazy. I had a long conversation with one of the officers who investigated this, and got most of the full story.
So there's this kid right? Alcohol is super against school rules and he turns in his roommate for drinking. His roommate gets kicked out, everyone hates this kid. You can imagine that there could feasibly be acts of retribution against him.
One day, he's goofing around down by the freight train tunnel and someone comes running out with a knife, trying to stab him. He manages to get away with his life, but does receive a minor wound on his leg. Cops on campus go 0-100, looking for the bad guy but apparently he escaped.
So our hero, cowed by his last adventure spends most of his time locked in his room when not in class. Someone pours lighter fluid all over the door and lights it on fire in an attempt to burn down the room and kill the guy inside. Again, the cops investigate, interviewing like everyone in the building, and go so far as to post a guard with with guy 24/7 for about a week. Nothing happens, so the guard gets dropped.
Now to the piece de resistance. The bad guys won't stop coming at our hero, and once the cop leaves it's open season again. One day in a crowded hallway in a class building, someone walks up and stabs this guy in the back with a pen. Bleeding out, he manages to get to one of the instructors in a classroom, gasping "they got me!" before being rushed to the hospital.
Obviously this puts so much more pressure on the guys investigating, but all of a sudden things fall into place. AMTRAK, who owns the train tracks that go through the tunnel finally gets back with the sensor data, and on video they have the kid stabbing himself in the leg and throwing the knife in a river. They realize that our hero dowsed the door in lighter fluid, went in and locked the door, and pushed a lit piece of paper under the jam to light his own door on fire. Finally, not one but two people saw our hero jamming a pen into the wall and running into it, stabbing himself in the back.
So the case was quietly closed and our hero was sent to a mental institution for 6 months.
friends with Taylor Swift (and one of Taylor Swift's best friends gave him a guitar)
once prescription glasses became popular, he all of a sudden couldn't see very well and therefore bought a Ralph Lauren branded pair (it was strange when all of a sudden his vision was better - guess they weren't cool anymore?)
dude always pretended to be high
couldn't hang out because he was too broke (while wearing a brand new designer outfit - would then accept someone else paying for him to hang)
There's more but thankfully I've forgotten a lot of them - my favorite by far was getting struck by lightning though, so classic
Worked at an office supply store that occasionally sold cell phones and tablets with cell phone service on them.One of my coworkers had the brilliant idea of texting random people at the store from one of the devices that had service already. The funny thing is, it was a demo device that sat on the shelf that anyone could pick up and text from. So this guy texts me acting like a girl trying to get me to cheat on my wife (I didn't fall for it.) Then he decides to message another guy we worked with who was single.
After I realized my texts were him he let me in on the gag and we proceeded to message this other guy non stop. We convinced the guy that we were a girl he had met at a bar and he would text the "girl" constantly. Eventually we saw him texting her at work and asked who he was always talking to. He told us it was this cute girl he met at a bar we all would frequent so we're not sure how he would bullshit us about said girl.
When we asked about her at work he'd show us all the text messages she sent to prove that she was real. We then asked if he had ever hung out with her to which he said not only had they hung out but they had slept together. At that point I just felt bad for the guy and told him it was all made up and told him we had been texting him from a phone at our store. He had the nerve to tell us over and over that she was real and that they had met in person several times and that if we were making that up how could we explain the girl that he hooked up with. We even sent him a text from the device and said it was us and he replied telling the girl to quit joking and that he was aware of the prank his friends were pulling on him by telling him his fake girlfriend is fake....
Eventually the guy quit, met a real girl and got married. To this day he still insists the girl was real...
Same girl, all stories she told over the span of a year:
Her cat lit her house on fire by turning on the stove in the basement.
Her mom was having brain surgery.
Less than six months later, her mom was moved into hospice. She got out a week later for miraculously recovering.
Her mom had a stroke after that (a very serious one, apparently) but was fine enough to go home that night and post on Facebook.
Someone broke her sliding glass door by throwing a rock through it. She lived on the 7th floor.
Same guy that broke the glass door started stalking her and waiting for her after work. "Called the police" and they said they couldn't do anything.
Same guy, waited for her outside of her apartment and instead of calling the police, she went inside and he raped her. Called the police and they said they couldn't do anything because "they won't believe me".
Had to leave work early the next day because she had an appointment at the ER... to have her clothes examined from the rape... but her friend tagged her having sushi at the same time she was supposedly there.
She got accepted into Harvard. Told us she didn't feel like now was the right time to go. Currently goes to community college.
This chick literally lies about everything and will continue to lie even if you call out her bullshit. Craziest person I've ever had the displeasure of working with.
When my best friend was 15 he tried convincing me that his dad worked for Nasa and actually invented a working flying skateboard (as seen in BttF2).
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:09:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That they will do a triathlon.
They're obese, barely do any exercise and make a drama out of it every time they do. They turn all their runs into 'speed walks' and takes more 'selfies' than miles. They can't ride a bike safely and even have problems stopping.
Her name was Karen (name changed) she told us she went on the tour bus with the Jonas Brothers (this is when they were really big) and got diabetes from kissing Nick Jonas.
I knew this kid back in high school who was just the worst with the lying. He also had this obsession with gangs and pretending to be like he was "down." Now, technically, we couldn't prove him wrong about his gang connections, his stories were just completely bullshit.
Anyways, one time we were all sharing stories from "battle." Basically relaying times where each of us had to run away from cops (usually because we were drinking in the park) or from fist fights with other kids.
Suddenly, this kid chimes in and starts talking about how him and his boys were hanging out in a nearby neighborhood. Apparently, his friend was a Latin King and while they were hanging on a random corner, a van pulled up, swung open its side door and out of the van came 4 guys. One was shooting a pistol, another was shooting a shotgun, the third was shooting a Mac-10, and the final one even had an AK-47! They all ran and his friend "bucked shots back" that luckily repelled the attack and allowed them all to flee.
We all pretty much responded, "that's crazy! And to think something like that never even made the news."
Yeah, apparently "not everything makes it to the news."
He had a goldfish so strong it used its tail and broke the glass of the aquarium and he had to put it in the toilet to save it.
He was an only child because his brother was killed in a horrific accident. (Later learn he has an older sister and a younger brother both still alive and living with him).
His mom was a long lost Japanese princess with hundreds of pounds of gold but she had to flee and could only take one gold trinket. (He's not even Japanese or even part).
How does everyone respond o someone who is clearly lying? Do you call them out or just go along with it like they have such an amazing story, or anything else?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:32:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
for me i expose them. it's great seeing them struggle trying to come up with the next lie until they finally give up...it's GOLD.
This is about my brother in law curt. Kid is the definition of a fuck up. Failed 9th grade 3 times before dropping out of school. Signed up for the national guard. I thought, wow this kid could actually make something of himself. That was until he went awol. Fled from Georgia to ny before they made him come back and sit in the brig until he would have graduated anyways. He has told people that the scar from his mole getting removed was actually when he got shot at boot camp. His latest and most elaborate lie yet is when he told us that he was the one who killed Osama bin laden. He said that he didn't go awol and they hired a body double who looked exactly the same as him with the same homemade tattoos and everything.
I went on a date with a guy who said he won a congressional medal of honour for saving the Prime Minister in a super secret kamikaze mission that had only a 10% chance of survival.
When I pointed out we were Canadian and therefore had no congress, it became a joint mission from the States and Canada.
When I asked to see it, he told me they took it back after they gave it to him because the mission was so secret.
When I asked why he was telling me if it was so secret, he told me I seemed like good people.
When I asked him why he worked at a oil change shop and wasn't a fighter pilot any more. He wanted a no stress job.
He had all the answers, so it might have been legit.
My friends and I are a pretty close knit group, and way back in freshman year we knew this one guy who lied about being chronically ill, so ill in fact that he needed a specific type stem cell research to kick off before there would be any chance of recovery. We should've seen it, but alas.
He even had immensely colourful stories about winning a chess championship in England and getting to meet The Queen.
Also managed to get mugged once, all the while maintaining possession of his Fossil watch and his wallet with only 'all the cash gone'.
I think the kicker was that he managed to ruin a relationship between another one of our friends and his girlfriend.
My friends made a bonfire out of all his photographs and danced around it when the whole charade was up and he was out of our lives.
My boyfriend had a friend he grew up with that was a compulsive liar, and some of his falsehoods include:
That he was part Japanese (Boyfriend knew his family pretty well, and when called out on this, he said he was part Japanese because his cousin married someone Japanese).
That he mastered "Staff Kung Fu" and has "High level" training in Ninjitsu.
I had a work colleague come in one day with a limp and a tensor bandage on his wrist. He claimed that he was in a bar fight and got the injuries when a guy hit him in the back with a bar stool and it broke. As if this wasn't crazy enough, he claimed that he took the broken leg from the stool and pummel the guy until he was unconscious as some form of retribution (this from a guy who would talk about his childhood in a monastery where he learned martial arts). The best part is he went around telling management even though we all knew it was BS.
WC insisted that he saw a guy biking 70km/h daily on his commute to work with no assistance (electric, etc). As someone who commutes almost daily and struggles to maintain a speed of 30km/h I knew this was one of his bullshit stories.
To make it even more absurd, after he was let go he told his former managers and friends that he was long boarding and hit 90km/h the other day (also told them he already had 5 job offers lined up and turned them all down because he has so much money saved up, despite the economy in our area being weak).
When I was getting my undergrad there was this woman who would tell these utterly fabricated lies about herself to make herself seem like an amazing writer or student or whatever. One time she told me that Harvard University tried to offer her a full ride scholarship because-- get this-- her GED scores were so amazing.
I had an employee at a small independant supermarket who at 19 Years Old said to me that he had a commercial pilot's license and only worked as a casual trolley boy because he was studying and all the international flights would get in the way of his education.
I also worked with a lady named Morna who could hardly open her mouth without dribbling shit. She claimed that while standing on a ladder her manager started throwing cans of baked beans at her head for no reason at all and then kicked her off the ladder. Also one night after lock up I was left there with herself and a 16 year old girl who's parents hadn't come to pick her up. Policy is that the manager is the last to leave and in that situation had to make sure both ladies had safe transport home. Morna declared that she could protect the young lady with her box cutter which has a blade of about 1cm and that she'd done it many times before.
From that day on, whenever somebody said something that sounded like Bullshit we named that a Mornaism
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:18:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Everything that came out of their mouths and they show no shame when they get caught on that lie 5 minutes later. But then again, shes also a narcissistic sociopath.
I knew a kid who thought he was a magician because he could walk through "physical objects". To my disappointment, this just meant he could open a door reallly quick and run through it. He thought it was magic though, so who knows
I know a guy who told me he snorted coke with Ryan Sheckler and that they used to hang out. I've known him for like 2 years and he just now told me this. I called him out on it.
ZewIk · 1 points · Posted at 23:19:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My cousin. He tell lies everytime it makes himself look a little bit better. Like having his own CS:GO gambling site, but when you ask for it, it is down or something. And so much other stuff where he makes a lot of money, like him earning around a dollar everyday by having a bot on this streamers channel, but i've been a sub on that exact channel for like 15 month, so i know it is not true.
There was also a time where me, my cousins (i have 2), older brother and a few others were going to meet up, but my older brother would not come, so he asked my cousin if he would go there. He legit wrote while being there, together with me and the others, that he would not come either because he had been out drinking the night before and actually just woke up. Me and my older brother later found out when we spoke together, and holy shit, why would you even lie about that. What the actual fuck.
He is a great guy overall, but damn he lies a lot.
My boss tells us on a constant basis that: I just got back to the shop 20 minutes ago, I'm late on my mortgage by (I kid you not) 3 months, 8 months, 4 months, and 7 months IN RANDOM ORDER, order contradicts logic. And so much more but that stuff wouldn't make sense to someone outside my field.
My friend said that his dad invented a special suit which let him touch the sun. This was the same friend that said that he had a solid gold helicopter, and that his twin is a crocodile-elephant-human hybrid
She had gone to Africa and the plane back crashed and she was the only survivor, she made friends with an elephant who protected her. She told this to our entire 7th grade PE class.
Went to high school with / used to get drugs from this fuckass that always happened to have the most convenient BS stories that seemingly happened to him on a daily basis. Usually it was "oh dude I found 60 bucks on the side of the road walking home" or "I found a bag of weed" etc. and nobody believed him as it was. Once, he told my friends and I that he took some ecstasy with his "buddy Paco" that no one ever met (ever. even once.) and walked to California and back one weekend. We lived in Washington.
Not to mention the guy was like 350 pounds.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:23:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Girl was a high school swimmer. Her 100m free time was 2:23. She claimed Ryan Lochte was coming to scout her and had been following her her whole career.
A guy at my work claimed to have had his hand stuck in our industrial strapper, the process would have ripped him in half. I dont know why he told us this story and reported as a near miss was so weird. We all knew it wasint possible. He said it ran the whole cycle but his arm wasint even broke
An ex turned stalker in highschool named Carlos:
- he was the son of the devil
-he was the antichrist
-in 2012 the world was gonna end and if I had sex with him he'll take me to the middle of the universe and we'll live in paradise
-he could see me at the gates of hell when I was sleeping
This guy seriously needed help but I was waaaaaaaay too scared to say anything because he was unstable and unpredictable.
Yes finally a post I have many stories to share!
I grew up with a girl named megan. Her parents and my mom were best friends so we were friends by force. She's the biggest liar I've ever met. Here's just some of the lies she's told:
- Said she fractured her pelvis so she wouldn't be able to run in gym class, even though she was walking around just fine.
- She injected heroine into her toes so her parents wouldn't find out.
- Told everyone she was pregnant and kept this up for about three months then had this sob story about how the baby died because it got an STD. When questioned about it she said, oh no I don't have one, just the baby did.
Ugh this girl.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:29:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is gonna be a bit long.
This guy I worked with, let's call him Greg, hated to work so he would lie about what happened to get pity and time off. This is a mandatory job to do with our college major so he can't be fired.
All these things would miraculously happen at the worst time since it would always be in a cram time or major work time where we'd need all hands on deck.
Here's a list:
grandma had a stroke (Facebook post of him at a concert proved otherwise)
grandma died (he was at another concert)
grandma died (Facebook post of him at a party with said grandmother proved that wrong)
mom died of cancer ( Greg's mom actually did have cancer but was not dying yet or in hospice. He posted pictures and statuses online of him being with his girlfriend at a party during the "mourning period" and no posts from relatives giving condolences proved that one wrong. As well as the fact that all of us saw Greg at an on campus party instead of at the funeral the day he said the funeral was supposed to happen)
-------> here is where this lie backfired hard. Greg got a lot of pity and time off for this one. About three weeks of time off without being bugged or called in to even do anything at all. He also got an out from most classes. One of Greg's superiors actually had cancer a few years earlier and he was super nice to Greg and even offered to help him out if he needed it. About two months later Greg's mom actually went into hospice and died. Greg, being as smart as a brick, tried to pull the pity card again for real this time. That's when the shit hit the fan and he basically not only was kicked out of the department but out of the entire major.
Best lie: "Nick Jonas said he'd come to today's matinee show so we have to be ready to deal with paparazzi."
(Nick sadly didn't make it that day due to being in state)
TL;DR: Dumb dude killed off his grandma twice then killed off his mom just to get out of work and ended up actually losing his mother and almost entire college career a few months later.
So there was this kid in junior high school who apparently had around 50 uncles, who were apparently notable experts in whatever field happened to be related to the topic of discussion. Talking about space in science? Every ludicrous fact was justified by "my uncle is an astronaut". And so on and so forth.
He was outted when we had to do a family tree project and he must've forgot about all those damn uncles.
Knew a Marine, LCpl Max, who was constantly full of shit. Highlights:
Was a 400lb Pro Skater
Had threesomes several times while in high school (and 400lbs)
Girlfriend looked exactly like Shannon Elizabeth (turned out to be a chubby 15 year old goth girl)
He dealt with all kinds of gang violence while growing up in Napa Valley, CA (wine country)
When the local SWAT heard he was joining the USMC, they came to ask his advice on how to properly raid a meth house
Parachuted into Fallujah with an M249 SAW, killed several people before he landed, and could hardly sleep at night thinking about the lives he took (we found his Myspace account and this was one of the gems)
Everyone had many laughs at his expense, until we found out the age of his girlfriend (he was 21, her 15, and they had been dating for 3 years), then Iraq became a far more dangerous place for him with all the guys who had little sisters back home not taking kindly to that knowledge, and mercilessly beat his ass until some people started feeling sorry for him/worried he might get seriously injured.
And the end of the day we removed him from our unit, disabled his rifle unbeknownst to him, and put him on shit duty for the rest of the deployment.
He told me that his roommate committed suicide at BYU and of course, he got straight A's that semester. Strangely, couldn't recall the name of that roommate...
Got banned from Barnes & Noble for putting all the bibles in the fiction section, got kicked out of the state of California and can only return in a straight jacket and mask, Hannibal Lecter style, and lost his virginity in a 10-way with 8 Asian women and the Asian dude who introduced them to each other.
Old friend of mine is always telling obviously fake stories, but he seems to believe them. Best one was he said he was visiting Africa and saw George Lucas passing on a little African child. Another time he was visiting Normandy beach and found an AK 47 buried in the sand from work war 2.
At the office some years ago, a guy called out due to a family emergency: His ferret needed a kidney transplant. This was just the best of many stories that were told.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:34:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know all there is to know! -Kevin
I've never been dumped by a girl - Kevin
My dad was the toughest man in Vietnam - Kevin (2002)
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:34:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One of my friends (not really) is a pathological liar and insists on telling everyone spectacularly grotesque stories about his non-existent sex life. We've never seen any evidence of him being romantically involved with literally any other human being, but he'll furnish us with graphic fake (unrequested) stories, and when we're like pls stahp, he says we're homophobic. Gr9 guy.
We know they're fake bc they're usually about other male friends who date women and show no interest in this guy.
Junior year in high school this kid claims he and his brother would wear full body kevlar with two helmets and shoot each other with shotguns. Two helmets? How would you fit one helmet over the other helmet?!
My mom has friend and we're pretty sure she's faking a pregnancy right now. Every time she tries to schedule meetings or drop off baby supplies, the woman suddenly cancels or just fails to respond for weeks. She also says that she's engaged but my mom has yet to see anything but a photo of a ring on someone's hand, much less the actual fiancé.
My best friend was dating a girl that was a pathological liar. I confronted him how she was lying about pretty much everything and so he asks her and she comes up with the fact that she was possessed by a demon. It wouldn't be so crazy if it stopped there but then our other three friends had to move out of the apartment they were all living in because they were literally scared for themselves because she apparently couldn't remember months at a time now. Then on top of all that my friends father is a pastor and she and her mother traveled two hours to meet him and have her exorcised.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:38:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Liberal best friend that ditched me as soon as he found dank pussy.
"I'm not a racist and I don't tolerate those views."
As soon as we're in a bad neighborhood in Miami and he saw two black guys standing on the sidewalk "Oh look, drug dealers. Let's shoot'em up to get them off our turf. But for real, let's keep going."
Yeah, okay. I thought we needed gas, suddenly the car runs on sunshine?
I used to date this guy who I slowly realised was a compulsive liar and as his lies got larger they started to become really funny to me but one day he told one so ridiculous I totally called him out.
Somehow the film The Impossible came up in conversation and he told me his friend was part of the real family who the movie was based on. We're English and I knew the family was Spanish so I just quickly snapped backed asking 'oh so is he Spanish then?'
He was totally dumbfounded and I went on to explain the story was based on that of a Spanish family and asked again if the guy was Spanish. I could tell he was just so lost and it took all my strength not to laugh, he came up with some lame excuse that it wasn't him directly but they used some of his story.
One of the most satisfying moments of my life. Top tip if your going to lie all the time do your research and don't assume the other person is an idiot.
sommsy · 1 points · Posted at 23:38:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Can't help but wonder how many compulsive liars there are on this thread, lying about being lied to...
That she loves me and convinced me to move 2000 miles to alaska with her only to discover she is talking to her abusive ex and has feelings for him still and he says he still loves her. What the flying fuck do I do
I'm kind of a compulsive liar, but only about trivial things that make no sense to lie about. As in, "Do you like sheep" and I'll be like "No I fucking hate sheep." but I actually don't mind sheep. WTF brain?
anscmc · 1 points · Posted at 23:45:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
21 year-old med student who works in the local hospital says that he runs the ER. He also told me that his first EMT call was to his grandmother's house; who died in his arms that night.
I asked this one kid in fourth grade of he had ever heard of the game Feces. He said yeah his cousin has it. Called him out in front of his friends. "Do you know what Feces means?"... "It means poop. Your cousin has a game about poop."
I have a Brother in law who said
* The movie black Hawk down was about him
* He helped Ozzy write some of his songs
and many more. I just smiled and nodded for each one.
His friend sold him a $120,000 Porsche 911 GT3 RS for $40,000. When I asked about the specs he called it the wrong model, didn't know what engine it had, and showed me some professional photo from a car collectors Instagram account.
That snm (said named marine) served in Afghanistan with Chris Kyle and has died from blood loss but was brought back. The problem with that is hes lacking combat action, purple heart, Afghanistan, or a hashmark to signify he could even be in at the same time.
My former roommate. He told us he played hockey at University of Michigan. He was actually a good athlete, but he played golf at Wayne State. All of this is obviously online, because he graduated from college in 2010 and this whole internet thing has been around a little while.
I know a diabetic who claims to be out drinking and getting pissed up every single weekend. Keep in mind that he's only 16, and diabetics can't drink as much as he claims
He was a U.S. Marshall when he was actually a Sheriff's Deputy.
That he was on light duty, and gave his 2-weeks notice when he was actually terminated for lying.
That he sold his Mustang to buy a Nissan GTR (post termination).
That he was from a family of assassins, who used paintball to train. He claimed his clearly fake gold rings was a family heirloom worth millions of dollars.
Some of these are brutally painful for me to read because they activate my shame gland and i remember all of the stupid things i have said to people, although most werent that bad. I did however work with a guy who was a legitimate compulsive liar. in order of things he mentioned to me
Was a platinum selling rapper
couldnt walk around in malls, because of his fans.
rapped with drake.
rapped with jay-z
played professional football.
tried out for the denver broncos and had a shot.
once had a 7 way with a group of models he met in a hotel on new years.
was in the army, but secretly as a spy.
was in the marines because he had to leave his spy lifestyle behind, he wanted to be known as a hero, not just an undercover one....because of spying.
was booted from the marines because he got injured in combat.
has killed several men while in the army and marines.
Keep in mind that this was last year, we are both in our early 30's and everything is easily verifiable through google. Also im pretty sure being a black ops spy assassin, you wouldnt be working as an in-store banker inside a ralphs.
I dated this guy briefly who lied and told me he had cystic fibrosis. He threw up blood often so I made him go to the hospital. when it was time to get a laparoscopy he wouldn't go because he was "scared" or "went" when I was at work. He drank more coffee then anyone I've ever met and smoked ciggs all the time. I'm pretty sure the acidity from the coffee and his poor diet/smoking caused an ulcer in his stomach or throat hence the blood. He used his "disease" as an excuse to live with me for a couple months because he somehow convinced me he was basically dying. He also lived in LA for some short period of time and claimed he was in the band owl city (he should have at least picked a band that consists of more the one person) and was friends with Adam Levine, which I knew was obvious bullshit, of course, but I just let it slide because I felt bad for him. Basically after awhile I kicked his ass out because I realized I was being a complete and utter chump, and he lied about everything. I still can't believe I was stupid enough to date someone that crazy.
It's always the best when they try to lie about something and include you in it...
"Remember that time we went out and ...."
"No."
"Makes sense, you were pretty drunk."
Met this guy 6 months ago and haven't drank in 4 years.
knew a guy who lied literally about everything including jobs and school acceptances. then he tells us about having 4 years to live due to cancer. complained about having a heart attack, went to the hospital, then suddenly told us the cancer disappeared and he's okay. he got an inhaler from the doc, and two weeks later said the inhaler was for his asthma which clearly was a lie as people were next to him when he got the inhaler for "heart attack"
He said he was offered to play baseball at a Pac-12 school when he wasn't even playing in high school. Now he tells people he goes to a big school in the midwest, when really, it's something like "University of _____ School of Science and Engineering Technologies." Last I saw him, he was telling me how they made it to regionals and whatnot. I looked them up and I think they were even .500 and he wasn't even listed on their roster.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:59:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had a student who claimed:
he was a black belt in taekwondo and that he could beat me up (I'm a black belt myself, so I called him out on that immediately when he couldn't even show me a proper kick)
he could run faster than the fastest kid at school (he was a tubby kid with about the same footspeed as most of the girls)
he was able to do "parkour" just because he had workout gloves
he was smarter than the smartest kid at school, and that he was like Einstein in that he didn't care enough to get good grades (and yet this kid couldn't even add three-digit numbers when tested)
he was stronger than the strongest kid at school (he challenged me an arm wrestling match but couldn't even win when he was using both hands and practically hanging off my arm)
PLT: If you're going to be a compulsive liar, try not to make claims that can instantly be disproved, and especially not in front of your teacher who knows the rest of the students than whom you claim to be better.
I wonder how many of us are talking about the same guy . . .
Sieg67 · 1 points · Posted at 23:59:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is somebody who I've known since high school.(Over 10 years) He claimed he was a sniper in the military, I don't know how many cars he claimed his friends had, he told an employee at the computer store that he had an i4, he likes to tell people that he was good with a guitar before he broke his hand and there's a shit ton of other lies that'll probably come to mind later.
They swore they could see everyone's auras, demons, and ghosts. He said because of that a family member tried to sacrifice them in a biiiiiiiig ritual.
-he made $50,000 day trading in 2008 and conveniently spent the money on "girls and booze"
-he has a model that he dated and who is still in love with him back home (he later drunkenly revealed he was a virgin to my bf and doesn't remember)
-he has lived in "Morocco" but does not say where or by what means
-he went to UCLA, later said he dropped out, but I don't think he went at all
-his dad owns sometimes 2, sometimes 6 companies depending when you ask
-he is a successful writer and only waits tables for extra cash (when we asked him to write a letter to our landlord, it was so awkwardly worded and had so many mistakes I re-wrote it secretly)
-he told my other roommate he is color blind, but when I met him he commented on how ugly the wall color is in our apartment
-he said his sister is an executive at Apple, but when he lost his laptop she conveniently and mysteriously does not get a discount on a new MacBook that he could use
And many, many more. Honestly I just feel badly for him that he feels the need to make so much stuff up.
My junior year of high school I was in class with a guy who talked about his fish stories and up came one where he caught a WHALE WITH A FISHING POLE. I don't need to tell you how entirely absurd that is.
I worked with a guy that said that while he was in the Army, he invented a particle gun, and a "device that could open a portal to anyplace else in the world where you could walk through it, maybe leave a bomb or something, walk back through it, and turn it off." But, this portal device made him nervous because he was afraid of how the government would use it. So he didn't give it to them. Also, he said that the Secretary of Defense would occasionally call him for "advice."
They had cancer but when asked when they will start chemo they said they take pills that makes their hair still grow.
Newgz · 1 points · Posted at 00:04:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Any one of Ice Poseidon's stories
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:04:25 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not something I was personally told, but... An ex of mine, who is also the biological mother of my son, stole over 20k from a job she had and told them that she stole the money to pay my medical bills because I was dying of cancer in a Hospice on the other side of the country. Long story short she went to prison for several years and I now have custody, she hasn't tried to call or write since the day she was released from prison.
The first Foo Fighters album was released when I was in 8th grade. My friend, who had started taking guitar lessons and was "8th grade good", was very angry because the Foo Fighters had stolen a lot of the lyrics from him. Apparently he used to "send them song lyrics to see what they thought", and it turns out they kept a lot of them and made them into songs on the album.
He kept referring to Foo Fighters as "they", even though Dave Grohl wrote and recorded the entire album BY HIMSELF (except for one guest guitarist cameo from Greg Dulli). Also, why would he be sending lyrics to a band on the other side of the country that hadn't even released a single album or played a single show yet?
Ex boyfriend (saaaaad). Got cut off, so he followed the car to Alaska (from Los Angeles), when the people finally got to their destination, ex boyfriend went to their car and looked in the trunk. he found a trunk full of drugs, as he transferred the drugs to his car and as he was leaving they saw him and a car chase ensued. The back end of his car was shot up and destroyed. He killed some drug dealers. But he managed to get to a police station and get the 1.5 million dollar reward for the drugs.
After this story, I saw his car. Very clearly not damaged. It was a shit Hyundai so not worth repairing if it had been so badly ruined.
This kid I went to school with had a few good ones ranging from his grandpa was Hitler to his grandparents had 3 Lamborghinis
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:06:23 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
ambulances flash different pulses when a patient is in cardiac arrest, or if they have a gunshot wound etc... who this would be useful for while travelling on a road full of people who probably dont know any better, noone knows. this was part of her "i was an emt" series of made up bullshit.
We once had this chubby short guy at work. He would lie almost every day to get out of work. He refused to touch anything hot because he was a "professional hand model and couldn't afford to mess up his hands. He was also a rising playwright, singer and actor. One day he talked to me for hairs about a Death Note musical he was producing. One guy challenged him one day and the dude straight up attacked. We all learned that the dude had mental problems and the guy was immediately fired.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:06:46 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Very late to the party but here it goes.
There is this one kid in our little group who compusively lies, let's call him Bob. One winter break, Bob goes on a cruise with his mom and is gone for a week or so. Bob comes back from his trip very eager to share his experience. The first part he shares is how he managed to bring along a Fake I.D. (which we all know he does not have) and went to the ship's bar. He says that he got drunk, and met a girl who was very attractive to him, and claims that they had intercourse. Thing is, he has told this story every time, and each time it changes a little bit (i.e. the bartender was a bro and let me in; girl and him continued to hook up; etc). We now tell stories and add in sex and drinking and claim it is true.
I work for a company that designs womens apparel. One of my coworkers stated that she would NEVER wear our clothing... As she was flaunting one of our tops.
"I'm not drunk...I just woke up...I ran out of my meds...the doctors can't get my meds right..."
Good job mom.
jhn107 · 1 points · Posted at 00:08:50 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Fourteen year old freshmen claimed that she'd already had five children. When somebody asked to meet the kids, she said that they'd all been killed when the chimney fell off her house. She broke down in tears so the principal called an ambulance to take her to the hospital to get checked out. She never came back.
I knew a guy who would say "One time in high school..." and just rehearse a story he saw on reddit. He knew more of our coworkers were redditors, too, so that was kind of awkward.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:08:56 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Woman I worked with at a call center said she had an IQ of 171, but she had to lie and say it was 169 so that the FBI didn't put her on a terrorist watchlist.
meckii · 1 points · Posted at 00:09:51 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
"I got 200 lasthits in 10 minutes!" - silver elo friend
kimpv · 1 points · Posted at 00:11:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend, who shall remain nameless, told me age 13, now age 19, that he met celebrity Cheryl Cole in London and that he lost his virginity to her and to this day he insists that it was true. Since then the story has changed many times, sometimes she was a Cheryl Cole lookalike, sometimes she was a girl his age who looked like her, once he told me it was a distant relative of Cheryl Cole, but most recently he insisted that his original claim was 100% true.
Back in the day when I would play Minecraft with my friends, one of them came up with the story (we were aged 14 or 15, still in school at the time), that he went to Las Vegas to a convention and shared a hotel room with Seananners the YouTuber.
Us being good friends just shrugged it off and pretended to believe it was true though
A guy I know who's in his mid/late-twenties claims to have invented the bus.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:11:49 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I work at a place where a lot of veterans, old and young end up working. I've heard some pretty good stories. Not sure why we always end up with a lot of lackeys from the military. Don't get me wrong, I love our vets and our military, it's just the ones that make up fake war stories to try and gain popularity or some kind of macho status. Others are just trying to "fit in" by telling blatant lies.
The ones I have heard lately: "when I was deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan I was on the back of a transport truck standing guard when our truck was hit with an IED. I was knocked off the truck and landed on my chest. I broke at least 4 ribs. I got up and mowed down at least 8 Iraqis. Then I saved the lives of my fellow soldiers."
Bored dude trying to make small talk after he found out other dude used to be in the Marines:
"When I was in the marines I once had to parachute into hostile territory. I landed wrong and shattered my foot. I just tightened up my boot and hiked the 15 miles over mountains and hostile territory and completed my mission."
Dude trying to explain why he couldn't do certain things in defensive tactics class:
"I used to have 60 inch chest at one time in my life. I also killed my best friend in the boxing ring during a fight in Tijuana. I didn't want to fight him but my friend insisted. The money was good so I went along with it. I ended up killing him from punching him too hard. From that day forward I could never box again."
Guy trying to explain a small scar on his arm:
"I had an eagle talon with over 1000 horsepower. It was 100% street legal. I would do illegal races for money. One night I agreed to race another guy for 1000$. Winner take all. This guy didn't know my car could go 0 to 60 in 3 seconds flat. The top speed of my car was well over 250 mph. With my buddy in the passenger seat we take off. I was pretty far ahead when I lost control and wrapped the car around a tree. My buddy was killed instantly. From that day forward I would never race cars again."
I can probably go on forever....ಠ_ಠ
Kotaff · 1 points · Posted at 00:11:50 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh the glories of Pokemon back when game guides you had to buy where the only source of info.
I had a friend who would start the wierdest rumors about his gamefile (without ever showing his game, of course). He had this Totodile who apparently would transform into a blood hungry croc every once in a while.
He also had an eevee that he trained as much during the game's day and night time, so it evolved in a mix of umbreon and espeon. Not how it works, btw.
Those are the 2 main ones I can remember, but I remember him being really adamant about it all, and us other kids being really gullible about it.
So this friend of mine told me he went to Columbia with his mom to visit family (the true part) and that he was walking on this wooden bridge somewhere when this thief walked by him and ripped the camera from my friends neck. He then said that he chased the thief and fight with him on the bridge. He pushed him up against the wooden railing which broke and they both fell into the water below (not sure how high) and continued to fight in the water. He said that eventually he made it to shore on a beach with his camera and the thief. His uncle apparently witnessed all the commotion and ran down to the beach and grabbed the thief. They got the police involved. Then the dumbest part of the story is that my friend showed me the camera and it looked unscathed.
I highly doubt that story was true because everyone who knows the friend knows he loves to embellish.
I am sure this will already be buried but I had an ex tell me he was a ninja for the CIA, fighting off the devil for them... Yeah certainly knew how to pick them back in the day....
Not really to creative but one of my good friends once told me, and still backs it up to this day, that he travelled to the moon onboard an American Shuttle and as proof, supposedly brought back moon rocks, which his mother "accidentally" threw out while spring cleaning.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:15:33 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
In high school I realized a friend of mine was a pathological liar. He would just lie about everything. He would lie about the dumbest most inane things and it wasn't even worth calling him out on it because he would get so defensive about how it was true. So I will share a few of those moments that ranged from comical to infuriating.
He would constantly tell me how he just got into a fist fight with his dad. Like a straight up fist fight and how he held his own. He was around 5 foot 6 maybe 7 and his dad was in the same area. The difference was that he was pretty scrawny and his dad was a cop and was in amazing shape. You could see the dude running around town all the time and he would be running like 8+ miles a day. His dad would of absolutely destroyed him if they ever actually got into a physical altercation. His dad was also the man and one of the funniest guys I ever met. I miss his dad more than him honestly.
Next story! Our families were very close growing up. Me and him were the same age, and our brothers were the same age so we played sports together, hung out together, and our parents hung out together. When we were around 19ish he came over to watch the basketball finals with another friend of ours and when he went to the bathroom his saw my dads wallet on the counter and stole 400 cash from the wallet. Somewhat ironically my dad only noticed when he brought my brother and the liars brother to go deep sea fishing and realized he had no cash to pay for the trip. He called my mom yelling and I had a moment of realization.
My realization was that this piece of shit came to my job at RadioShack and used my shitty 10% employee discount to purchase a rador detector. He told me he was going to and I had one of my coworkers do it because I wasn't working at the time, and I assumed since this kid was UNEMPLOYED and had NO MONEY he was buying one of the cheaper models for like $80. Nope, he bought this $350 belltronics radar detector that was the most expensive we had. The kicker was he payed in all $50 bills, the exact bills that were stolen from my dad. For those who are used the the credit card era, you pretty much never encounter anyone with 50's and my dad is the only person I've ever seen consistently have 50's, so it was sketchy as fuck.
Anyway, so we pretty much know he did it and my mom is super pissed off and goes to his house and talks to his dad who is super calm and kind of knows his son is a turd. When his dad confronts him about it he says that he got it from an ATM at his bank, you know those very common ATM's that give out 50's. Absolute lie. His dad doesn't let up and says fine, show me your bank statement of you withdrawing the 400$ that you don't have. He says he can't because the bank is closed now. His dad says fine, then first thing tomorrow we are going to the bank and you are going to show me this statement. He just kept jumping from one stupid thing to another. It was unbelievable.
The story ends with him continuing denying that he took it, trying to blame the other friend who was there, and then just returning the Radar detector and leaving the cash at my door without ever admitting fault. To this day if I ask him or ever mention it I'm sure he will truly believe that he didn't steal it because that's what its like when you are a pathological liar, you honestly just believe the own shit that comes out of your mouth. The best part is if he went to Best Buy to buy it instead of my to my store we could of never proved it was him and never would of known. My discount was 10%. He just had to not be completely fucking retarded and he would of gotten away with it.
I will try to keep the last story kind of short, and it's more sad than anything. When I was 18, maybe 8 months before the other story a friend of mine died in a tragic accident. He was 2 years older than me and the liar friend and I had known him basically since I was 2 years old. I knew him my whole life and I honestly couldn't say who I would be had I never known him. We went to the funeral and all that jazz and afterwards I just really didn't want to think or talk about it at all, however this stupid pathological liar would bring it up ALL THE FUCKING TIME. "Yo man, we have to poor out a drink for Pat!" every time a single beer bottle came anywhere close to us. It drove me insane. Like I wanted to scream at the kid because honestly, he barely knew my other friend but because hes a pathological liar he tricked himself into thinking we were both best friends with the deceased which was just not true. I felt so fucking torn because it pissed me off so much, but at the same time I know that he actually believes he was friends with the guy because of his pathological lying so anything I said would just make me look like a cunt.
Anyway, no ones going to see this since I'm 14 hours late to the party. This is more cathartic than anything. Haven't really talked to that kid since the stolen money thing which was 7-8 years ago.
-His dad was head of development at Microsoft and brought home the new xbox 2 years before it released ("Yeah its gonna be called the ZBox") Never mind that there wouldnt have been any games for it 2 years before release
-His family travelled all around the world, a new country each year, and he was in the US for that year. Refutes his story when he spends all 4 years of high school in the US.
-His family was poor as fuck. We were all chipping in to buy pizza and he didnt bring any dough (It was like, $1) and he started crying and talking about how poor his family was and they all lived at the homeless shelter and slept on the brick floor and never got to eat food. Nevermind the fact that his parents picked him up the next week in a brand new Hummer H2.
-He was a 1337 Haxor who was head of Anonymous. One day we came into school and the internet was down. He ran around telling everyone that it was actually Google that was down and its because he hacked google because they were corporatist assholes, and because google was down, we obviously couldnt access the internet. After the internet came back up he walked around the halls nervously ticking at his notebook with a bunch of bash code HANDWRITTEN in the book whispering to himself about how they were going to catch him and he needed to make himself disappear online. We caught him pacing back and forth in the computer lab (That was glass wall) yelling "fuck" and "Think! Think!" over and over before violently sitting in a chair and typing long lines of code...on HackerTyper
-He was Wikileaks, operating under an alias, and that noone could tell anyone his secret. When we said we would he threatened to put our names at the top of the nations "hit list"
among many, MANY others. For a year he found out his crush liked british accents, so he talked with a painfully fake british accent and claimed he was 100% british.
Had a guy come to our church for a while who was a pathological liar. Some of his tales included(and I've sure I've forgotten plenty):
Was going to play college football at Alabama on a full ride, but after his last game the opposing team's QB got mad they lost and took out his knees in the handshake line and tore them all to shreds so he just started landscaping.
His high school football games cost $20 to get into, for the cheap seats, if you wanted to sit near the field it was more.
He got one of his nuts shot off during a shootout.
He circumcised himself when he was 22 years old
He came to a self defense class once and claimed he was a black belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and taught classes in Georgia, so naturally our instructor rolled with him a bit and deduced he had never had any kind of training in his life.
He kicked a kid off of the football one day (cause apparently in his crazy world, the QB can do that) and the kid pulled a gun on him after practice. He punched the kid and took the gun away and the cops came and took the kid to jail.
I know I'm forgetting most of his crazier ones, and it's bothering me now....
I had a friend who used to lie constantly (probably still does). He talked about once while away at a college weekend (this was in high school) he had sex with a girl under a tree. A few months later he's lamenting how he's a virgin. He couldn't even keep his fucking stories straight.
He was the kind of guy who would write "secret" notes to himself by opening WordPad and typing in Symbol or Wingdings font.
A guy I went to high school with told everyone he had a hole in his heart with an estimated 6 months to live just to try to get an ex girl friend back. It worked, but in a month or two when he "magically" recovered with no surgery everyone found out everything that comes out of his mouth is BS.
He had said he also worked out a lot but lost all the weight due to anorexia. Said he was legally dead at some point from drowning himself in a bath tub but was recicitated. All just BS. Everything.
A guy I went to school with lied constantly. His dad was in a garage band, and he'd tell stories of his dad's band being flown to perform for movie stars, and sports figures, also that they played on famous albums and knew famous musicians. And he'd talk about going along on these trips too and personally knowing a bunch of celebrities. But in reality, the only gigs his dad's band played were the occasional wedding or birthday party.
I was a obese child, and in high school I one day somewhat heroically rode my bike 7 miles to school. I was talking to my friends in homeroom about the ride, when another classmate started laughing at me. He went on to claim he rode 100 miles before school everyday. (School started at 7:45am) To this day I see him around and I hear him telling outrageous lies. Idk why people lie like that, it only causes people to dislike you more.
A guy told me that he was a professional motorcycle racer with the ability to hold his breath for 7 or 8 minutes at a time. Stuff like this was a regular occurrence with him. I eventually had to fire him for being an inept custodian. I understand his need for fantasies.
He helped bungee design halo 2 and halo 3. And he came up with the ghost vehicle himself. Said his uncle (it's always the uncle, right?) worked for bungee. This was 2011 and we were 6th or 5th graders at the time. He was totally serious about it all two. Amongst the other lies too
Coworker of mine is such a terrible liar, but it gets pretty funny and keeps us entertained. We've been out for drinks and bar hopping several times and he is one of the most socially awkward guys you'll ever meet. Just a few of these stories:
-started out telling a story about how him and his friends went to vegas. Literally turned into the plot of the hangover movie. Denied ever knowing what the movie was, but quotes lines from it ad nauseum.
-after bar hopping all night with him and 2 other guys, came back into work that monday and told us he hooked up with those 2 girls he was talking to all night. He didnt talk to any females all night.
-several years ago he went to florida, hooked up with a hooters waitress in the bathroom of the restaurant, she said she was pregnant, and 2 years later she showed up in Pennsylvania with his child and tried to drop him off.
-claimed to be a state runner up in several track events im high school. I ran track and asked him about it. Could not remember the events he ran in or times, or where it was. (He was 25 yrs old). Also claimed to have received a scholarship to any school he wanted for basketball and track, but a motorcycle accident ruined his athletic career. Said he has steel rods in his leg, but which leg it is changes and sometimes the steel rods were a result of cancer and not the accident. Depends in the day
My ex-friend used to love riding his dad's zoid. I believe that it was a Saber Tiger.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:23:29 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
oh man, i know more than one compulsive liar:
this one guy who i went to college with claimed that he came up with the idea for the game SimCopter, and had some kind of certificate from the developers. He would have been 12 when the game was released; I never even bothered to challenge him to produce the certificate.
This chick I work with, who is like 5'4" and like 120 lb or some shit, point is she isn't athletic or anything, claimed that she beat up a naval officer outside of a gay bar in Norfolk, VA. AND she said that she was arrested and the charges were dropped for some reason.
My best friend (while driving us home drunk from a strip club, for what it's worth) confessed that he "used to be a compulsive liar, but wasn't any longer."
Freerz · 1 points · Posted at 00:24:53 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
In basic training we had a compulsive liar who was recycled (meaning he had to start basic training over again with another unit) had many stories including fighting off a bobcat. The best story though:
"I beat the shit out of my drill sergeant and banged his wife"
Our drill sergeants got wind of it and called the drill sergeant he was talking about to come over. He got his balls smoked off and we were allowed to laugh.
So my friends cousin came over with his girlfriend. Now, I'm used to him just saying off the wall shit. However this is was pretty funny I thought. So we are hanging out talking about how many women we have been with. This dude goes "I've slept with just over a thousand girls". Serious as shit. We called him out on it but his girlfriend even came in and said that he slept with over 10000 and then seemed PROUD of him for it. He was 20 years old FYI I did some math and determined how often he would have to have sex with since he lost his virginity and it was more then one a day. He still insisted it was true.
Better, a guy in my fraternity was such a liar, and we all knew it. I can't think of any extreme examples of his lying, but we caught on...It became an inside joke to make up a story, and then say that he was there, and he would just agree and act like it happened and he saw it.
She makes $100k+ from selling drugs in multiple states, as an 18yo Junior in high school
She bought her trailer house, her dads truck, all of her siblings new phones, tablets, and gaming shit, all secretly so her family doesn't know
But she could be telling the truth...
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:28:09 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had a friend who lied about getting in to yale. He even showed me the “unoffical email” that would soon become offical. Later another friend pointed put that the logo on the email and date of graduation( batch no.) was all wrong. I had defended the guy infront of so many people who had said there was no way he could get it. Felt like a complete idiot. Just one of this many lies.
He was the type of person who would say anything to gain sympathy from my mom blames me for my dads death and is a bitch to me, my uncle killed my dad, I was possessed by a demon. Its a good thing I slowly distanced myself from him. I met his mom later by chance. Shes such a nice loving person.
I met a girl who was a super fan of a young male singer well known in my country, and she told me that she wanted to see him live but she couldn't buy tickets so "she went to the place where he was going to play and started screaming fo him, so in a few minutes the singer came out, they had a talk and he let her in, saw him from backstage, and after the concert he took her to a restaurant, had dinner and finally took her to his hotel room and had sex"
My friend convinced his (soon-to-be) fiance that he had 7 degrees (4 bachelors and 3 masters), yet he was only working an entry-level position at Best Buy.
He managed to get these degrees in about 3 years, so I'll give him credit for the hustle.
My aunt and her two daughters are all compulsive liars and kleptomaniacs. A few things come to mind, like the time my aunt stole a really nice game set my dad got me for Christmas and claimed she bought it (which I stole back and she never mentioned again), but two things that my cousin lied about come to mind.
My cousin was a model for a time. This was true, as she appeared in magazines and shows. After she graduated from our high school, she auditioned for Fashion Week in Paris and didn't get in. She was understandably bummed. After that, she came with me to one of my choir concerts and saw an old friend of hers who asked her if she went to Paris. My cousin lied to this girl's face and said she had gone and had a great time. That was the exact moment that I realized that I couldn't trust anything she said.
Same cousin is prone to cold sores. During a play, she got one that was rather large and had scabbed over. We brought her medication and she was freaking out over what people would say. I made up a lie for her about how her toddler niece head-butted her and busted her lip. She thought it was brilliant and used it. A few years later, she told me that her niece had head-butted her during that play and how embarrassed she was that she had a sore on her lip during the show. I just looked at her and said, "Emma, that was a cold sore." She tried to argue. I stopped her and said, "Emma, I made that story up for you, remember? It was a cold sore."
Her family is made up of extremely manipulative people. It was during the few years that these things happened that I started to notice that they made me second guess what I absolutely knew was true. Not a great time in my life because they lived with my family. There was a lot of contention.
This will get buried, but I have a gay acquaintance (I'm gay too, so this isn't intended to bash anyone) who was telling me about his new living situation, with a older lady friend of his and her 16 year old son (he was about 29 at the time).
That's not the obviously fake part.
The obviously fake part is that he told me this woman was not only allowing, but encouraging him to sneak into her son's bed at night, because she was sure her son was gay and thought they'd make a great couple, but he just needed "convincing". So every night, he'd been sneaking into his bed and get more and more intimate and now "the son couldn't go to sleep without his touch" and that's how they're dating.
By the way, my friend is 5'6" and 250lbs of pure gross, and the son has a six-pack, is a CK model, and plays soccer semi-professionally, according to him.
Not only is it an outlandish story to say the least, it's even more disgusting and fucked up if it were TRUE.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:32:45 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy I knew in high school once told me he had aspirations to join the Marine Corps Special Operations unit. Pretty cool.
Then, he went about saying that he found a website that had classified information about black operations that the U.S. conducts on a daily basis & that in one of those files, it was noted that MARSOC had the technology to turn fire into ice.
Dead serious. Took me a lot of willpower to not die of laughter.
I worked with a guy who within the FIRST HOUR of meeting him he very casually finds a way to mention how he has "slept with over 500 women"
He also:
-Had a Megaladon (the big ass shark) tooth that was puts hand up this big
-Won state every year in track. (He always insisted it was every year he competed, never specific years)
-Had shot someone (this seemed to happen once a year in his life)
-Used to do an 8 ball of coke everyday before lunch at his previous job, with the owner of course
-About every other Monday he had just kicked some HUGE guys ass that weekend
-Ex wife was a famous pornstar, he couldn't tell us who but she still to this day says he's the best she's ever had
-Found Abraham Lincolns personal coin collection and graciously donated it to a museum
-Found a 67 mustang in "pristine" condition in the sand on a beach in the 80s. Recently sold the car.
My wife's ex-husband's mother has died twice in the last 10 years. What sucks is that the bastard used this excuse to get out of spending time with their son.
OK, we all knew he lived in a tiny apartment in a building downtown. A few people had even been to the housewarming. He claimed to have built a kit airplane in the apartment but couldn't get it out and was considering flying it off the balcony if he could figure out how to get it fully assembled out there.
He also invented a compression algorithm that compressed data 1000:1 regardless of data type, in a single pass mind you. When pressed, he admitted he was having troubles decompressing it reliably.
My soon-to-be sister in law. She's a doozy. Here's a few of the whoppers she's told over the past decade.
During the Cuban Missile Crisis she was kidnapped and held in Cuba. Escaped on a boat.
She was in a terrible car accident and lost her right eye. Luckily, a young boy had just died and she received his eyeball transplant. So lucky the color matched.
Allergic to water.
Allergic to stainless steel.
She met Darryl Waltrip (NASCAR guy i guess) and he let her drive his Nascar car around the track.
She's fucking insane. I used to laugh and try to argue with her, but now I just egg her on to see how ridiculous she can make it.
I knew her back in 2004/05, she was a waitress at a strip club(she was like 300lbs and her teeth were atrocious) in North Jersey where she met the band The Killers
She was half Amish and a tutor in an Amish schoolhouse.
She had tons of tattoos(obvi they were all in places we couldn't see.) And one done by one of the guys from Miami Ink.
Kid told me that he had three of those awesome transforming Megazord toys and he'd give me one if I came over to his house
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:38:02 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A girl I was friends with absolutely loves My Chemical Romance. Another girl (the compulsive liar) who I knew for a while to be full of shit, claimed to have met MCR, and hung out with them backstage. When I asked her what she thought of certain band members, she had no clue who they were. The actual MCR fan stupidly believed her. The same liar also tried to tell us stories about when her and her Mum traveled around Australia with the band Silverchair, who she kept calling 'Civilchair.' In the same conversation, she informs us that her best friend's cousin is Oli Sykes from Bring Me the Horizon, and that he called her cute. She also tried to convince me that her and her friend went to see Rihanna in Brisbane, and that We The Kings were the opening act (which they weren't - as far as I know, that tour never actually happened). According to her, she and her friend followed We The Kings down a set of stairs and hung out with them after watching Rihanna.
LTN13 · 1 points · Posted at 00:38:44 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He as being offered money to play lacrosse in college. He was, in the form of scholarships, but at the beginning of the day when he just told me and one other guy the amount was like 10,000 dollars, by lunch when a large crowd was asking him about this it was like 60,000 dollars. Kid lies about everything.
My sister in law lied and said that she spilled a coke in the guestroom at my mother and father in laws house and that this resulted in the splotch on the front of the dresser. The splotch on the dresser is because my (now) husband and I were fooling around when no one was home and didn't wipe it off before we showered. So - needless to say I definitely remember having done it. I don't know why she would lie about ruining furniture.
My friend in high school tried to convince everyone that he was being haunted by a girl called matilda. He got his sister to pretend while he filmed a sketch video. After much questioning he took it up a notch and cut claw marks into his shoulder, he said she scratched him in his sleep.
Another lie he told was that he lost his virginity in london on holiday. We asked if he saw big ben and he said he didnt. What person goes to london and doesnt see big ben? I gave him a framed picture of big ben for his birthday to remind him what a dumbass he is.
Her brother, a United States marine, sacrificed himself to save the other soldiers lives during the Osama bin laden raid. Her uncle also coached the raiders
My distant cousin told a great one at a wedding we were both at. He was telling us all how he was an animator for Pixar. How he couldn't love his job more if he tried. Then he started telling us about how he was a "lead animator" for Shrek. Of course, I have kids and know that Shrek was made by Dreamworks and not Pixar. When I pointed that out he got mad and yelled "You're a fucking idiot!" and stormed off.
Had an acquaintance freshman year of High School (1997) whom I was forced to carpool with whose Uncle or Cousin allegedly worked for someplace called "The Anime Emporium". It was some massive costuming warehouse which he told me he was flown out to visit via private jet, which had Cosplay costumes that you couldn't find anyplace else, and were super cheap (and he'd get me an even better deal). I was a big fan of Bio-Booster Armor Guyver at age 14, and he told me that I could get an entire suit of Armor with lights and sound for under $200. But every time I asked if I could go with him to visit, I was rebuffed that he couldn't go that weekend and I couldn't go on my own.
I started to think I was being fed horseshit closely thereafter, but only once I remembered another whopper that was told to me by my cousin, about 5 years earlier: There was this place called the "Star Trek Emporium" that had all of the Star Wars, Star Trek, and Sci-Fi toys that could only be found in antique stores by the time I was age 9. He said it was as big as a supermarket and had boxed versions of my Kenner Han Solo Blaster, and an entire stack of Droids Lightsabers in Red and Green. He got me so riled up, I begged and pleaded with my parents (to the verge of tears) to go to this place while we were visiting the family in LA, and they said they had asked my Aunt, only to find out that no place existed by that name. When I confronted my cousin about it, he said "Oh, well they just closed down, like, last year...".
Now whenever anyone mentions the word "Emporium", I get very suspicious if they're full of shit or not...
I had an assistant manager once who had 9 kids, was a former cage fighter, a former model, was engaged to screech from saved by the bell, had a golden vagina, was accepted to harvard at age 14, wasn't at fault for her DUI which also wasn't the reason she did not own a car......
idk332 · 1 points · Posted at 00:42:23 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
So this guys lies (Or stories i don't believe) include
-Reporting the family of his (Follow me here) Ex GF's Best friends Boyfriend(All roomates together though, this is true) to the INS and getting everyone but that dude deported just because "He felt like it". This supposedly happened AFTER my buddy broke up with his chick
-He gave me an ARMY black flag uniform patch which he had two stories for how he got this patch:
Another soldier gave this "Combat Patch" for serving in africa
item 1 He was deployed to Africa even though he had just started Basic training a few months earlier (Didn't know if this was even possible so i didn't call him out on it
-That his dad offered to buy him a Mercedes but he decided to get a VW Jetta instead
And I think he said his house is haunted too but idk,.. Theres tons of small stuff too, but i never know enough about to call him out on it
Edit: Formatting
And he was stung by a jellyfish a couple days before but had no marks
I knew a girl I suspected to be a pathological liar, and because of it I was hanging out with her less and less.
She claimed to have enlisted in the army, which was her reason for dropping out of college. But then her ship date for training got pushed back. Then it got pushed back again, and again, and again. This was just to go to basic, mind you not even an actual deployment. AND she was a native Farsi speaker so she was valuable to the military's translator program, yet they couldn't get her into bootcamp for over a year before I stop talking to her altogether. The whole time she's going to bars and bragging about how she ships out soon and getting her drinks for free and other bullshit like that.
I found out recently from her sister she finally did go to training... About 3 years after the first time she claimed she joined. So, basically, she dug herself so deep in her lie she didn't have any choice but to enlist and cover her ass. :/
My best friend said that he was born on a plane and that one of our classmates mom was on the plane to help with the birthing process. I called bs right away but he was adamant that it was true, until years later he said he was born in the same hospital as me, to which I replied "You...little...shithead"
She told me she had a dog while I was at her house... and there was no dog. I asked her where it was and she said upstairs. We went upstairs and there was no dog. It was too awkward.
Had a good friend of mine try to bullshit us into believing he was some kind of super secret special ops soldier who would occasionally get sent on secret missions to Iraq and Afghanistan. This was when my friends and I were all still in high school, probably sophomore year. My other friend and I legitimately thought he was trying to joke with us, but it became painfully obvious he was sincerely trying to make us believe it.
Nowadays, we don't really associate with him anymore. He really didn't grow that much more as a person following high school, and it's tough to interact with him as a result. I distinctly recall him saying he missed high school and wished we were all back there, and me just shooting him this insane look. Can't hold a job to save his life, his family raises his son for him...he's a sad sight to see anymore. Like he just quit trying.
He is a time traveler that was born in Russia or Australia. He travelled back in time with his friend to watch the assassination of JFK, him being the man with the umbrella, his friend being the Babushka Lady.
This girl said she was from Italy and both of her parents were, too. Neither of her parents or her have even remotely an Italian accent, and she claims that none of them speak Italian because they "lived in the part of Italy where they only speak American" Not to mention I know people who grew up with this girl, right here in America
Ok mind you he was drunk at the time, but i had a coworker tell me that he some how pissed off some gang. Then one day he was walking down the street and 12 dudes jumped out of a car, 4 of them with baceball bats and they started to kick the shit out of them. He even said that he got hit on the head with the bats like 4 times. But then he "went full retard strength" and beat up all 12 of the gang members and sent them to the hospital. I then told him that was bullshit but then he said "na man im just like that if i get to mad i just go apeshit and i don't feel pain, and no one can stop me!"
I would always listen to his bullshit but i never heard a better story than that one.
Our flatmate in our first year at uni was ridiculously bad for this; I had no idea people could lie as bad as him... We were discussing name origins and, while I won't mention names, he tried to tell us that his very Welsh and awkward to pronounce name means "with great power comes great responsibility" totally not a quote from fucking Spiderman, no.
He tried to convince people that he found a security flaw in Microsoft and because of that that they were funding his university fees. We take computer science together and I know for a fact he's doing fairly subpar, so there's no way a pudgy Welsh goon is getting paid by the largest computer business in the world to study at Swansea university.
He also lied to me about having depression, which at the time really pissed me off (and still does) as my aunt had passed recently due to depression. He'll say literally anything to try and make you interested in him; it drove us all nuts.
I also used to work with a guy we called "Tony the Truth". Because not a damn thing that came out of his mouth was truthful. We worked at the phone company together. He informed us he worked for NYTEL for 15 years. That he was a Wall Street banker for 10 years. And that he was an Air Traffic Controller for10 years. Did I mention the guy was about 40 at the time he told us all this shit? He would try to explain the math with his "Tony Math" and it would just complicate matters. He was an odd guy. The funniest thing about him, though this is true, is that his wife kicked him out of the house. So he towed his speed boat over to the garage and parked it near the fence. He ran an extension cord to an exterior outlet and was living off a hot plate and mini fridge underneath the plastic winter wrap. Granted it was only fall. But it was cold at night in New England. And this wasn't a house boat in anyway. And he'd still be late for work living in the damn parking lot. Oh man. I'm laughing. This brought up so many funny memories for me! LMAO!!!
A girl I knew in college told me that she had transferred there after having to drop out of Julliard, and when I asked her about it she said "I used to play violin but I broke my finger in an accident and couldn't play anymore so I had to drop out".
My old roommate told me once his grandma had died that day because a man who had escaped from jail the day before broke into her house and murdered and raped her, but he said everything was cool because they already caught the guy and brought him back in. This was so ridiculous that even after he said it we both knew it wasn't true, but the intensity of the lie along with how fucked up of a story it was made it way too uncomfortable for either of us to acknowledge it. I found out later after digging around that it was some estranged great aunt that he met probably once who died and he never knew his actual grandma.
We had a terrific liar friend who turned up at a party and claimed he had to get up early because he had a job interview in the morning. After a single beer he was tipsy, he claimed this was because he just came from a pub where he drank like 9 shots and also has 3 job interviews in the morning. By midnight he had apparently been to 16 pubs, consumed all the alcohol in Ireland and had 6 pending job interviews. He passed out, woke up at 2pm and said he has to leave for his job interview. He didnt leave.
five insanely hot girls were fucking each other and begging him to join in but deep down he knew they were cops trying to set him up so he dove through a window to escape where a pitbull attacked him, he had just barely made it to his truck when out of nowhere four cop cars pulled up, lights on and everything. he bribed them to let him go with no charge for the dope he had on him, and that's why he doesn't have his $400 for the rent
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:52:43 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My uncle married a woman who was a psychologist. That part was true, everyone who knew her could confirm her degrees and the schools she attended. She was a little uptight, but in general she was attractive, smart, he thought he was lucky to have her.
Not long after they were married she told him she wasn't feeling well, went to the doctor, went for tests, and told him (and everyone she knew, including her parents) that she'd been diagnosed with cancer in her thyroid.
She would periodically go to the hospital for treatments, etc. She always drove herself and so on, assuring my uncle that he didn't need to take work off, or that her friend could take her if she was feeling ill from the chemotherapy. She wore a scarf on chemo days to hide her hair loss and biopsy scar "because she was self-conscious about it." I remember going to their house during this time and seeing all the cards on their mantel from sympathetic friends, and my Mom and Dad talking about how terrible it was, she was so young.
And then he found one of her credit card statements. All the money she'd claimed was going to her cancer treatments was being spent on high-end consumer goods. It turned out every day she claimed she was going to chemo she was in fact going on a massive shopping spree instead. She never had cancer. It was just a way to max out the credit cards without my uncle complaining.
Long story short, he divorced her, was depressed for a while, and eventually married a very nice fellow divorcee with a bunch of kids (he always wanted lots of kids). She's great, the kids are great, and they're still together. No relationship is perfect, but hey, at least she's never faked thyroid cancer so she could go shopping at Neiman Marcus.
A guy who lived across the hall my sophomore year was a compulsive liar. He always had stories about flying fighter jets and other military aircraft lol.
When he first told me a story about flying (a normal plane) I was interested, and I asked him a few questions. It all quickly fell apart lol. I have no clue why he kept telling the stories after that, including to people I introduced to him.
My stepfather was very clearly a pathological liar. If you asked him he was a high ranking officer in the Navy, graduated from Princeton, and definitely wasn't a drug addict. He also claimed that Harry Chapin(the guy that sang "cats in the cradle") was best friends with his parents and was his godfather. After he died of an overdose his brother told us how much of a bullshit artist he was.
He knew Paris Hilton and was invited to her birthday.
Different guy- knew 10 languages (definitely didn't) and for some reason people defended him when he refused to even name which languages. Why are people so quick to defend compulsive liars when it's "just who they are"
That he went on a date with a girl and while he was driving her home afterwards she started to take off all her clothes in his front seat and would get out of the car at stop lights and run around and stuff. All because he wouldn't have sex with her that night cuz it was their first date. This guy was in his mid to late forties. Assuming the woman supposedly was as well.
I had a friend (whom I'm actually still friends with; he's gotten better) that tried to convince me he built a Lego transformer. He claimed it was waist high and when I questioned him on it he said he used Duplos to get it to height. I'd also been over to his house a couple times so I asked where all his Legos where to build this thing. They were conveniently in the basement, where we weren't allowed to go. Needless to say I didn't trust anything he said for a while after that.
In high-school, this one kid would constantly try to fit in by telling stories related to whatever topic was being discussed by his peers. Some of them were passable, possibly even true. Others... well...
One in particular that stood out to me was we were discussing modded Xbox consoles. He went on to talk about how when he was "hacking" his Xbox the other night, he "saw a 2 in the 1s and 0s."
Binary doesn't work like that. Hacking doesn't work like that. Analyzing machine code doesn't work like that. Modding an Xbox doesn't work like that. There was so much bullshit condensed in that one sentence that I didn't even have the patience to break it down for him.
I simply responded: "No, you didn't."
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:57:23 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had sex on a beach in Mexico with a girl I just met, and we did anal
The weakest kid on my highschool rugby team tried to convince us that he was a ufc fighter that was 47-0, so I photoshopped a fight poster of him versus brock lesnar and uploaded it to facebook
I had an old friend that to this day I'm never sure which stories he tells were true because he did have some that I verified but others that were absurd. One of his stories was that he had dug a trap pit, a deer fell in it, and he and his other buddy killed it with branches.
She was going to get a 125,000 dollar inheritance from her dead grandfather once she turned 25, she was going to move to Florida, she was going to open a restaurant, she was going to turn her apartment into an orphanage for stray dogs and cats.
This was an elaborate lie. My sister is an abysmal person. Just yesterday she punched me in the face. Only reason I didn't call the police was because my mom's dying of cancer and I'm not gonna stress her out, which angers me because she's the main source of her stress. AnYway, that was jUst for some backstory about her.
She's a liar, and not a very good one at that. Just last month she posted a picture of herself driving captained that she was going to The Voice auditions 4 hours away. Keep in mind she's an ATROCIOUS singer. Like, really bad, yet every day she sits on her phone singing at the top of her lungs and annoying everybody. She makes collabs on some app with nine year old girls basically. Her baby was in the backseat of the picture. Then she posted a picture of herself at the auditions, holding a certificate saying she made it, hashtag tv appearance. Then she told all her friends, and her ex mother in law, that she made it and would be going to more auditions. In reality, she took her baby out for a ten minute drive just so she could take a picture on the freeway of her and her baby to give the illusion that she was driving to Atlanta for these auditions. She photoshopped a picture of herself at auditions, in front of a banner holding a fake certificate. Then she forced my mother to lie about the audition when the ex MIL called my mom to congratulate her on it. My mom was embarrassed about this garbage.
This lunatic took time out of her day to take a picture on the freeway with her baby, print out a fake certificate, and then Photoshop herself into a picture of a supposed televised audition holding said certificate. All because she's a miserable narcissist who doesn't get as much attention as she wants, so she does stuff like this when she's not threatening to kill herself and cuss out teenagers. She's 30. Yeah, safe to say she's a nut job.
I had a friend in high school who was brand new to the school, he joined our circle of friends because I offered. I never knew what we were in for. (Will call this guy Lead)
He was about 16 years old and told us that he had just came from a "military school" in Sidney Australia, not that out of the ornery, we had a friend who came from a military background in South Korea. He told us about the extensive training that he got at this school, and we started getting suspicious when he told us about the flash bang.
So lead was in this military school and his mates decided to play a prank on him where you tie a string to a door and a flash bang, the idea is when you open the door you get a flash bang to the face. According to Lead the flash bang went off and a piece of shrapnel penetrated his left eye rendering him colour blind. Not shore how many of you know how a flash bang works but to my understanding, the casing of a flash bang dissolves on combustion.
After this the lies go more and more absurd, Lead told us that in the now "top secret" military school, he, was exposed to teargas without a gas mask, went sky diving, was waterboarded, and put into then came to America to shake the hand of Obama.
Now at this point the mates and I are just hanging a blast hearing about Leads amazing military life, he the reveals to us that before the military school he also lived with his aborigines grandpa in the bush where he learned to play the didgeridoo and was made to go on a walk about where a boy is made to live in the wilderness for a period as long as six months to make the spiritual and traditional transition into manhood. Ironically enough our school went to an aboriginal culture museum where Lead was given a chance to show us his skills with a didgeridoo, he blew into it as hard as he could...
This is already a long post so I'll cut out the story with the helicopters, and go straight on to his largest and most top top secret secret.
Lead was born in 1999, now to those of you who don't know 1999 is the year of the Dragon (it's not but Lead said it was) and Lead was really good with computers, like he knew key strokes such as ctrl c and ctrl v and he was supposedly a grate hacker. Now according to Lead there are three branches to the Illuminati... One of them being the Dragon clan, aka the hacker clan. Lead was born in the year of the Dragon... He's good with computers... LEAD IS PART OF THE ILLUMINATI!!! I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my life!
TL;DR: had a friend who was from a top secret military base, is an aboriginal, and part of the Illuminati. All at the age of 16
My father claimed to have been a fighter pilot in Vietnam. And then told me stories about marching through swamps and getting leeches stuck in his boots. Not sure what a flyboy was doing in the swamps, but whatever. Then he said he lost partial hearing due to the heavy weapons firing that was going on nearby.
Oh, and then he was also a Navy SEAL. And went on clandestine missions.
And he magically remembered that he was a black belt in tae kwon do after my mom put us in karate. He, of course, received his black belt while in the military.
Once my brother and I got our black belts, he actually said he was mistaken - he was a 2nd degree black belt. And then when my brother got 2nd degree, my father magically got a letter in the mail from his long lost instructor explaining to him (gotta remember this is like 20 years later) that he had intended to promote him to 4th degree black belt before they parted ways and so now he wanted to promote him officially. Not sure what happened to 3rd degree, but whatever. He happened to get the letter a few days before my brother's belt test and made sure to open it while we were in view.
Also, my father said he used to lift weights with Arnold Schwarzenegger, wrestled with Hulk Hogan, dated Victor Borge's daughter, and also dated the daughter of one of the founding members of one of the Five Families (mafia families in New York, though I don't remember which).
My father insisted on keeping up the charade even until his death, despite confronting him with a copy of his military history (which shows he was never even in Vietnam). His excuse? Clandestine operations.
She was in her 20's and we literally spent 20 hours of every single day together. She comes up with this Romance Novel boyfriend, in truth an ex who dumped her years earlier. She'd go on and on about romantic excursions, nights spent reading poetry to one another, being in each others' arms all night long......Uh, stupid? When did this romance blossom? In the middle of the night while you were sound asleep?
-he and his wife were having trouble getting pregnant. The doctor pulled out a big book of all different size dongs. He went through the book page by page until he gt to the end. Turns out his dick was too big to get his wife pregnant.
-he once crashed his plane in the ocean off Alaska. After a week in a life raft he finally made it back to land and walked in on his own funeral
-was late to work because on the way to work the police department called him to the scene of an accident to emt an old lady(is not an emt) and she died in his arms man
There was a girl I went to school with who, faked cancer. Faked having a double mastectomy. Faked being an only child, only to have her brother come to said school 3 months later. Told people she grew her hair 10 inches in 3 months. She even tried to tell people me and a friend who called her out, were bullying her. Her best lie though, she obviously wore contacts, her bf at the time asked her why. She said she didn't, she just stared at the sun to "tan her eyes" hence the color change.
dakuda · 1 points · Posted at 01:10:18 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I had a friend tell me that everyone at his university drank a keg a day.
Afternoon we all graduated, he also told us that a strip club in Vegas was a good customer of his. They weren't sure who he was, but he dropped the right name and got us free bottle service at least. Here worked out of Vegas at the time, so they should've at least recognized him.
He claims to have dated a 25 yo stripper in high school. Not true. He told us once that she "smiled as she went down for a hot Carl". He obviously didn't know what that was at that time.
We're not sure why he lies as much as he does. We're already friends, you don't need to impress us.
My friend told me his dad flew Airwolf for the show (we lived in rural Pennsylvania, and his Dad drove school bus) and aliens came and stole his firewood.
That she was the sole surviving child out of about 9 other kids, that she'd had a twin sister who committed suicide by jumping off a cliff when they were five years old, and whose last words to her were "I love you" which was why she could never say "I love you" to anyone else, after which she spoke to her mum on the phone and ended it with, yes, "I love you".
One day she had the rubber disc out of the top of a fizzy drinks bottle and she was holding it in her mouth, saying her father had come up with a new tooth-straightening method. She also said that she had an 18-year-old rugby-playing boyfriend who was best friends with one of the twins from Good Charlotte (a band I was heavily into at the time, which she knew) and she liked to comment repeatedly on how her parents were going to get her the exact same breed of dog I was desperate to get.
Unfortunately, for me, this is about my father.
Here's a few of them..
Told me my mother was a stripper so I needed to keep tabs on her or else she'd leave me behind.
Told me the reason they aren't married is because she won't say yes despite already being married and living with his family before and during the time he was seeing my mother and telling her he was in the middle of a divorce.
Told us he didn't have money despite inheriting over 6 figures 2x in his life. So while me and my mom struggled to buy food, he was taking scuba and skiing trips with his other family.
While I was dying in the hospital he said the reason he couldn't show up was because he had found out he had cancer and had been doing chemo and radiation therapy. Come to find out there was no cancer instead his boss said he needed to lose weight or else he couldn't keep his job. This continued for over 8 years before I found out from someone else it was bullshit and he just didn't want to be seen with me and my family.
Told me his other kids wanted to meet me and were excited even though they had never known about me and he lived with them like me and my mother never existed.
Told us a friend let him borrow a truck when he actually had spent a ton of money on a new one and didn't want us to know he had money again.
Used to tell me he was going hunting and would disappear for 6 to 7 months without me ever hearing from him. This is even more infuriating knowing all the times my friends said their dad was going hunting and I'd say something along the lines of, "How can you be okay with him being gone for so long?". Come to find out hunting trips are like a weekend tops.
Once I contacted my siblings from his side and when they confronted him about it he said I was a liar that he'd never met and was just trying to blackmail their family for money..ugh
There's a million more things, but I'll leave those for a different day.
That at 15 Wiz Khalifa let him tour with him the entire summer and smoke hella blunts but couldn't take any picture because Wiz Khalifa would get in trouble. Okay first things first, Wiz Khalifa doesn't smoke blunts, he likes joints. And I personally don't believe Wiz Khalifa would let a child tour and smoke marijuana with him for an entire summer but yeah. My friend lies a lot but he's cool sometimes.
A compulsive liar I know and adore for his sheer aduacity told us for years that his dad was a pilot and a porn star. Turns out that out of all the consistent mild lies he tells us, that was actually the truth...
My father has claimed to have served in Vietnam, often as a member of Marine Force Recon. Including to veterans who were there. He was in the Marines for a few years serving out his requirement for ROTC, but he never left San Diego. He's also a good decade too old for Vietnam and doesn't have anything close to the body type to be even a former member of Force Recon who left himself go.
There was this guy with whom I went to high school and he told the most bullshit things ever. Which include:
saying he just nicked a kid while riding his 4-wheeler which changed to him flattening him
saying he drank an entire gallon of gasoline. When we asked him how he wasn't dead he said "oh well I threw it all up after"
he had a grenade fight with a gang in our state capital
I was fascinated every five he told us something
anonBF · 1 points · Posted at 01:18:40 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
An 18 year old college freshman told me that he used to work at a race track, and rich people would bring him their super cars so that he could drive them around the track, teaching the owner how to race & drift their cars.
There was this guy I knew at a job who really disliked one of our mutual coworkers. He would tell stories that the guy was a drug dealer, that he had been caught and had a felony so he couldn't get another job, he'd seen that guy's email and found craigslist ads that the guy had been paying for male escorts to give him blowjobs, that he'd been in some accident as a kid and had plates in his face... it was crazy. The saddest part was that he hated this dude so much that he eventually fucked him over and got him fired. He was the main salesman for our company and they went out of business shortly after.
Friend of a compulsive liar, there were tons of small ones I suppose you could say are harmless, she interned in China and Atlanta while also dancing in LA one summer.
She had an elaborate one that actually made me forget she tangles a mighty web of lies:
Her mother had a sister that she was never told about because she was older and left her parents home at a really young age. Apparently she has psychic powers and; after spending her youth dancing and attending law school at Berkley (while originally being from rural China) decided to shack up in the mountains conveniently in Southern California (where my friend lives) and has been a world famous psychic for decades now.
This estranged aunt contacts my friend and says she has a few letters that my friend needs to read because it has to do with her future and what she should be doing the next ten years.
My friend was going to visit her that weekend and told a good group of people about this, we all asked to go with her because it sounded like an amazing adventure. But we couldn't because she rented the cabin with some guy she was banging and we would be awkwardly hanging out.
She went and came back. We asked what happened and all she said was that her and boy toy broke up and that it was good we didn't go it would have been even more awkward. She didn't see her aunt.
My friend is dating a guy I knew in high school. Back then I knew he was a compulsive liar and he had a bit of a god complex, but a few months ago I learned that he had surpassed that. He told my friend that he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Not recently diagnosed, no. He's had it for years according to him. This kind of cancer will kill you, with or without treatment, in 1-2 years. Unless this guy has super human powers, there's no way he has any kind of cancer. Worst part is, she's never seen him go to a doctor or take medicine for it or lose his hair from chemo. His previous girlfriend was also told the same lie and they dated for 4 years.
My friend has told us so many lies over the years. He's even lied to us about stories in which we were present and apart of. This guy is a mid-30's, heavy set guy, and he's not exactly eye-appealing. He's given us a very extensive list of jobs he's done over the years (he's only had one since we've known him for over 10 years and have actual proof of one other), two of my favorite being a male stripper and a drug dealer. Lmao, he wouldn't make it a day as a dealer. No street smarts.
He can be a good friend, but sometimes it's so hard dealing with the unnecessary lies!
iwahfc · 1 points · Posted at 01:20:50 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Worked with someone like this for a summer. According to him, he...
-Had a girlfriend and a son who were his dependents for taxes
-Owned the house next to his parents' and their house too and made them pay rent
-Drove a Corvette (despite me seeing him getting picked up from work by his mom)
-Was a professional tennis player with a shot to play in the US Open. This pissed me off especially because our boss would give him days off when he would go to "tennis tournaments" though the lie was pretty transparent.
A kid down the street tried to convince our third grade class that his uncles were Michael Jordan and Michael Jackson.....the kid was white. He got really upset when nobody believed him.
A friend of mine went to the army and we kind of lost touch. A couple years go by and i get a call from him out of the blue. He tells me he won the lottery and how hes gonna buy me a car and all this shit. He was really convincing, like he planned it out all out and everything. It was obviously a lie confirmed by everyone. He did it to a couple others as well. Just really weird.
My mother embezzled somewhere between $50000 and $100000 from her job over 25 years, no one knows how much exactly. They never found a dime and she made good enough money that she didn't need it. She will still say to this day it was for a dying friend in the hospital, they got better and went home. Won't give a name.
This probably isn't even the craziest story about her unfortunately
This will probably get buried but I had a guy tell me and my mom that he graduated from Yale with honors but he decided that he would rather move to South Africa to become a professional skateboarder because he was invited by another professional skateboarder to do so. And they would live together in a house full of other professional skateboarders.
My mom was really happy I wasn't dumb enough to believe this moron and go on another date with him.
I ended up just hanging out with him again for entertainment.
Another lie he told me was that his brother was a professional body builder and he would be able to beat any ones ass in less than a minute and crush their bones. I met his brother. The guy was 5'1 and probably weighed 100lbs soaking wet.
He also told me he was planning on working at Nasa after he came back to the states from living a year in South America.
Knew one that told everyone her father raped her and got her pregnant. When it was time to "show" she announced she had a miscarriage.
Then she added on that her father went to prison and her mother died shortly after.
I went and told everyone the truth. There were a lot of upset people...
Knew a guy who was a horrible liar, we would fuck with him by making up outrageous stories, then wait. In about 8-10 days, he would repeat the story back, word for word, except it happened to him.
Guy told us that he was supposed to go to Panama City Beach for spring break but a call came up that he had to traffic cocaine from Honduras to Texas for his dad. But, as he told us earlier in the semester, apparently his parents were killed on 9/11 in the towers. But, apparently again, his mother ALMOST died in Haiti during the earthquake. Never could keep his stories straight, that guy. There's more but those are the biggies.
Him and his friend fought in the Syrian war. Says he's got gunshot wounds to prove it yet he never wants to show them . He's a sophomore in high school.
My ex slept with a chick he just met at a party then broke up with me for her a week later.... he tried to justify it by telling me that this chick was engaged when they met (a week ago) and had broken up with her fiance for him, her fiance had then committed suicide and she was threatening to commit suicide if he didnt leave me for her.
She sent me a nude picture of herself in snapchat chat 10 minutes before I check it. I didn't check it and I waited another 20 minutes and she sent a text message in snapchat chat saying her bf sent it to me
This one time she told a story about landing under gunfire in Bosnia for an event, had to do an evasive maneuver and all. She went all around the tv saying the same story as well. But when video came out showing she was lying, she just said that she misremembered what had happened.
I had the hots for a female human, Shassandraliqua. I mentioned this to her also female co-worker, Tiffanelleaux, who claimed that Shassandraliqua had a boyfriend, was a raging bitch, and once threw a handful of coathangers at her for no reason.
Suspecting foul play, I asked Shassandraliqua about this incident. She said she had never met Tiffanelleaux.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:35:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
We were 8 and he said he was a pro dirtbike rider and that he jumped the grand canyon and sanfran greatbridge at the same time. He cried because i didnt believe him.
I know this girl who claims she witnessed her aunts death and is going to testify in court soon (has been saying this for 5 years) and as a result she has crippling depression that made her suicidal so she had to go to a mental hospital. The last one really bothers me because I have a friend who that actually happened to and it bothers me when people don't take it seriously
I'm really late to the party, but my step brother is one. A few of the gems w heard when we drove his ungrateful ass 10 hours because he refused to fly.
He spent 4 hours reeling in a 4 ft wide stingray the day before.
He could "only" squat 500 pounds 5 times when he started working out. (He is about 5'10 160. I've been strength training for years at 5'9 150 and can barely hit 285 for 1 for reference.)
He shot a national guardsman. Said he shot rim right below the ribs because there "aren't any vital organs there."
He saw a black hawk helicopter get shot down in front of him.
He could play extremely difficult drum tracks. I called him out on this because i am a drummer, so I told him to play my set. He refused and his mom told me he has never played before. He even played a recording and claimed it was him.
Every single girl our age that we saw "looked like his ex". I'm talking driving to the beach 20+ times in a summer and probably 90% of them made him slink down in his seat so they couldn't see him.
I'm sure there are more but I haven't seen him in a couple years so these are what I remember. It is a shame not many will get to hear about these lol.
He had won a Ferrari, in a contest for MTV, and that they'd be swinging by later that week to interview him and drop off his new car... A month or two after that, he got a sponsorship, from Monster Energy, to further his racing career! There were indeed crudely stenciled Monster logos painted onto his early 2000s, 4 cylinder Ford Escort later that week. They also appear to have paid for a hood scoop, so the engine could really perform between corners during rally races.
A janitor at the place I worked told us that in his youth he and his motorcycle gang drove through a tornado.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:36:54 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A coworker hadn't shown up for his shift to relieve me, and my supervisor called him and it was obvious he had just woken up. Supervisor ended the call, I continued working.
The coworker called the supervisor back saying that there was a vehicle accident on the highway in front of him and that he stopped to help. Mind you, the location he mentioned is close enough to work that any of the security officers outside would've easily been able to hear sirens.
The supervisor called me after the coworker called back saying that the ambulance arrived and he was on his way again. We both knew it was bullshit. When the coworker finally arrived, he started apologizing, and I angrily, sternly said "I don't want to fucking hear it."
Guy from the neighborhood we were about 12 biggest fucking liar on earth. Had a trampoline in his backyard, barely fit, said he jumped from the first floor's roof and landed on the second. Same liar had a crystal backpack we weren't allowed to see cuz it would break. Same liar also owned a car, no he really owned and drove around an ugly-ass muscle car with obnoxious bright yellow/orange paint, we all called it Fanta-mobile.
I once knew a guy who tried to convince me he lost his virginity to a supermodel when he was in kindergarten. Just so you know, this guy was, like, 300 pounds in 9th grade
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:43:03 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I hate that I'm so late to this. Guy I went to school with said that some Marines were chasing a criminal through the forest and they saw that he had a hunting rifle with him and asked him to be their cover. So many things just wrong with this story.... But he had a straight face. He also told us his grandpa gave him a car, a Mustang, but he couldn't have it until he was 23. He's a male model on Facebook now.... Or so he says.
A friend of us whose father was in the navy told us when he was arpund 14-15 that he was friends with the peeps there and he was working intel for them. We called him "Commando". He'd drop by and say shit like "yeah last night we went to pick up some dudes trying to smuggle dope, they shot the shit out of us but we got em". A few years later I saw him at a party, sorrounded by 16-17 year olds telling some stories bout "his work" and they were looking at him like fucking rambo. I got out of there as soon as I could because I didn't wanna ruin his show. It was kinda sad because his dad was an abusive alcoholic and the guy just really wanted to fit in with us who were not rich but we definitely weren't struggling for shit
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:43:54 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Guy tried to convince me that the Pokemon Snap pictures he had taken and printed out were actually real Pokemon he had found in the wild.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:44:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
His cousin was Wiz Khalifa
He got 4 chicks pregnant despite nobody wanting to go near him
His dad died on 9/11 yet was still able to somehow pick him up from school in 2007
I met his mother once, she worked at a middle school and was working in the attendance office. She was nearly the same way except she gave subtle hints that she was joking every couple of statements. He had to have gotten it from her but he completely missed the tone down at the end of it.
I once knew someone who claimed he had lost the last round of Buzz because the controller had shocked him so hard he had yelled "Oh fuck!" and the game then said "Oh fuck is not the right answer". Because as we all remember Buzz had controllers that shock you and voice recognition software that not only detected what you were saying but could also say it back to you.
I work with a someone who is 21 years old, and is intellectually disabled. He doesn't have a license and he constantly tells me about the time he and his cousin used to race in this beefed up muscle car and how he used to work on it all the time. He also says that he knows how to drive manual when he has never touched a car.
He takes other staffs stories and uses them as his own. I work with him as a home care provider.
He was behind my friends car and i was standing beside him while my friend was in the car. My friend backs up and the guy freaks out, he told everyone that my friend ran over his foot. I was beside him the entire time and it wasnt evem close. I have to admit he did a good job carrying on the lie, he was still limping weeks after the "incident". Anways, i could have spilled the truth and labeled him as the fraud he was at any time but the thought of doing so made me cringe as he seemed so commited to the lie.
That he has a plan when he has no fucking idea what he's doing. Do you have the investor lined up? You swore he is real and that you'll have w chequer next week. People are counting on your honesty. We've signed a fucking contract. Anyway, no investor
Sister's ex-boyfriend was 5'6ish and MAYBE 180 lbs in High School. He did NOT play on the high school football team but somehow he was going to Michigan State after graduation to play football on scholarship after trying out. I ran into him that fall at a hometown football game. "Hi Sister's ex! Why are you here? (We lived in a small town in SE Minnesota near Rochester) I heard you were playing football for Michigan State." He says, "I am. I just commute. Daily." It's 9 hours away.
I'm late to the party but the compulsive liar I went to high school with once told people her dad owned half of Abercrombie and Fitch but she asked that nobody share that info because nobody else knew, not even her mom.
The dealership stole the engine out of his corvette and replaced it with a smaller one when it was in for repairs.
Turpss · 1 points · Posted at 01:46:55 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I play Counter-Strike a lot with my friends. My group of friends has this one guy who says he has a $4000 gaming pc, gets 700 fps (frames per second) on average, and his main account was Legendary Eagle Master (which is a pretty good rank) although the is trash.
My cousin whom im with all the time is one. The last one she told me just made me laugh. I had gotten her a little 97 honda crv for 300 bucks with like 197000 miles on that bad boy. A few days ago i had looked at her odometer and it read 200350 miles. So not to much of a difference. I mean shes only been driving for a year and a half, she just graduated high school. The problem came when she told me straight face she had put 130000 miles on her car herself. She said "your mom has me driving everywhere every day" (she lives with my mother) but even if that were the case there is no way in fuck she would have drove 130000 miles in a year and a half. This is just a recent one, but she seriously gives me the most stupid fucking lies every other day. The last big one that finally made the family listen to me and agree we need to get her into therapy, which we have not gotten her into yet because my mother is slacking; is she was in a small town driving home from my aunts and saw an accident. What she told us. A semi truck had hit a motorcycle and cut the guy in half, literally she said his legs were off guts hanging out, and she held him as he died and closed his eyes. Also she said the semi drover was high and drunk. Now when we looked it up online there was an accident where she was. But with a whole new story. What really happened was a small compact car hit 2 motorcycles and they both lived. No drugs, no death, no semi and 2 not 1 motorcyclist. Also another cousin of ours actually knows the kids who were hit. So we had an even bigger back up on that one. When we confronted her she just said "that's not my accident." it just drives me insane. Sorry for the long rant, this will probably be buried anyway. If you want to know any more stories i have hundreds.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:47:34 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That they want to unite the Democratic party of the US for the greater good of the people.
A friend of mine told me over thanksgiving holiday from college once that there was a fatal shooting at a football game at his school. I don't know how he thought people could believe him when that would obviously be a national headline most likely...
This guy in my high school circle of friends was beyond well known for being a compulsive liar about his life, and he was just so bad at it. My favorite was when he told us one day in class that he was becoming wiccan, which gave him the added power to speak with bees. At that I bust out laughing. He got so angry he promised me he could send bees after me to hurt me, which made me laugh even more. Have yet to be stung by a bee in the 14 years since.
This girl kept bragging about how rich her dad was (I get $1000 on Christmas), but also was the kind of person who would threaten to tell their dad at the drop of a hat. One day I made a joke about how her dad was too overpowered (ooh, I'm so scared , -blank- is gonna tell her rich daddy on us) and then she started crying and saying how she was poor, terribly off,blah blah blah. A week earlier I heard her bragging about her season pass to a theme park four states away.
This dude I used to work with used to tell the worst lies. One delicious nugget in particular was that he had a photo from his childhood of his dad choking him like Homer would choke Bart on the Simpsons. He added a layer by telling us that a scene from the Simpsons where Homer chokes Bart is on the TV in the background of this cherished childhood memory. When we asked him to bring the photo, he quickly back-peddled with mumblings about his dad "losing the photo in the divorce."
I have met various pathological liars over my lifetime. If they are liked, they are "great storytellers" or "teller of tall tales." If not, well, "fucking liars."
What gets me is that so many of these people don't need to lie. For instance, I know one guy who was a jouster for a local Renaissance Faire. He worked at a lot of sci fi and anime conventions, and met celebrities. A polyamorist with a few hot girlfriends. These I have personally witnessed. And yet... sometimes when he's the center of attention, his lies take over him like a possessive spirit. You can see that look, like he's drawn up in some tornado of exaggeration. And he clearly does not have control because he'll lie right in front of people who can prove him wrong. For instance, I am pretty good with IT. I have taken apart and built all kinds of computers. So he starts in, saying he built a desktop with 32 processors and a terabyte of RAM. This was 10 years ago. Some servers have that now, but they certainly weren't in desktops back then. I asked him what kind of cooling this system has. I mean, 32 procs and 1tb RAM must generate a lot of heat in a tight space. He starts making up this bullshit about the desktop was sealed in a vacuum, which cooled the processors at "sub-zero temperatures" because nothing gets hot in the vacuum of space, right? Wow. Another time, he's describing someone who got injured while jousting. The EMTs had to open up his chest right then and there with a "chest spreader." Did open heart surgery right there in the dirt field while the audience watched in awe. In our group of friends that day were two EMTs, and one EMT studying to be an ambulance driver. Later, one told me with a smirk, "A chest spreader... is not usually standard equipment on your typical Maryland ambulance... but his story was so interesting, I just had to let him continue!"
A girl who took the same class as me constantly lied about her health to me. It was kind of obviously absurd.
-Says she has cancer but doesn't specify which type or stage or anything
-She was kind of overweight and had a massive smoking problem, sort of ground against the cancer thing
-Told me that the school had her "cancer file" from the hospital and had lost it and needed a new one, so that's why none of the teachers knew she had cancer, and the hospital didn't have a backup file
-Said her abusive ex boyfriend raped her as we were sat with friends in the middle of her eating a yoghurt
-Screamed at me that she had scars all up her wrists from trying to kill herself (again unprovoked in the middle of lunch), and I'd literally seen her baby smooth and scarless arms the day before when she wore a tank top.
-responding to "how was your weekend" with regular crazy tales of her being kidnapped and forced at gunpoint to have sex/get married, being abused by multiple strangers in bars, approached by guys on the street who offered to pay thousands of pounds to have sex with her.
Basically my reaction was to just kind of respond like "oh okay, I'm sorry that happened" while looking her in the eye knowingly so she would catch that her bullshit reeked from a mile away.
I used to manage a retail store. One day a team member who was due to work the night shift came to me and claimed that outside of work she is a personal bodyguard to the Japanese president, and while she was out on lunch she received the call, he needs her and she must leave work early.
Also prior to working for me she was a secret agent in the Brazilian army and that's how she met the Japanese president.
I told her to have the Japanese president call me up to discuss and then I'll think about letting her go an hour early.
Should mention this took place in Sydney Australia.
Former roommate that is a son of a family friend. These are the bulk of what he lied about while i lived with him: claims to know the Latin name of every animal, posts pictures of hentai he's hand drawn and rendered (now that I think bout it, maybe he did draw that stuff), makes his own steel armor and samurai armor, builds small motorcycles, has tattooed eyeliner, owns live grenades and antique weapons from before the 18th century, he has a page on fetlife showing several self portraits of his incredibly photo shopped hard weiner (he'd be an okay photog if he didn't edit the fuck out of everything, also I've seen his hard peen. It isn't 14 inches long)
Story wise, he consistently posts every week that he is approached by an ALWAYS underage girl that compliments his butt and/or his suit of armor he made himself.
I'm late to the party but figured I'd share anyway.
So I worked with this girl, we will call her Jen. Jen was our hostess and would serve in the restaurant from time to time. She had a big crush on me but was lying about little things that I've noticed. Anyways one day she comes in and says she has to go to a hospital after work for her chemotherapy. I am shocked and ask her what stage and where her cancer is. She said breast and they don't know what stage. Well knowing that they should know I called bullshit in my head, but to keep her happy I was like wow that's terrible! A few weeks go by and I ask her how she has her hair still. Jen turned around with a big smile on her face and told me they gave her a pill. A pill I asked? Apparently this is a special pill that's not out yet that stops hair loss during chemo.
Yeah that's bad enough that she lied about having cancer and told everyone just to get attention. But one morning I was talking to her. She walked back into the kitchen to get something and comes right back out with HAIR in her HAND. She said she ran her hand through her hair and her hair is falling out. I'm pretty sure she pulled hair out of her head so I would do something (which I didn't). But man she was crazy. Never have I ever met someone who lied and needed attention that much.
I wouldn't consider him a complusive liar in most regaurds but he is willing to say whatever it takes to get with women. He pulls very impressive numbers but is kinda scummy to get there. He always plays the innocent act, by like asking is it alright if i put my arm around you (while watching a movie) i don't do this often but would you be ok if i kissed you? I find it hard to believe it works but apparently he does it regularly. He is either lying to all women or lying about his number, and i gota say his numbers look pretty impressive.
I had a coworker, who was a server, tell me she has a $80,000 culinary degree, she is a professional dart player, a professional pool player, a professional archer, currently owns a restaraunt, and wrote recipes for the restaraunt she serves at. Yet here she is serving 6 days a week saying she barely has money to pay her rent which is $600/month.
This guy was IT support for a rural high school and a massive wanker. Apparently he;
-Built a railgun in his back yard that fired 44 gallon drums over 1km away and had a plasma muzzle flash. He had to dismantle it at the request of the police.
-Got to work on the first Playstation when it was being developed. He described the PSOne and had never heard of the PSX.
-Was running network cables through a ceiling, climbing around on top of the cork sheeting, and eventually fell through, but was suspended in the air by the cables (like Corneillius in The Fifth Element) right in front of his boss (that didn't work there anymore).
-Was a super popular underground DJ on the weekends and could control people with his music. Discovered the brown note.
-Built a lightsaber. Wasn't allowed to bring it to school though because it was a weapon.
Oh man I'm late, but it's my time to shine. I live with a pathological liar who could easily pen shitty penny novels.
We got into a fight and I literally didn't talk to her for three months. One night she lures me out with caviar and expensive beer, and then immediately breaks down and tells me that:
Her one brother who lives in NYC was paralyzed from the waist down in a car accident. However, said bother was previously a famous music producer in Mongolia.
She admitted to lying that she was engaged to this guy and had a miscarriage. INSTEAD, she said that he actually left her at the altar, she actually had the baby and adopted him out and visits him twice a year (even though she's yet to ever take a vacation...) BUT the baby had a heart defect and died. This supposedly all took place in California, yet she graduated from high school at a local school.
She's from Compton and was homeless in Compton after her foster family (?) kicked her out. She previously said she was an illegal immigrant in this country who came over with her brothers.
While she was homeless in Compton, she was kidnapped by drug smugglers, stuffed in the back of a car, and made to smuggle drugs across the border INTO Mexico. She has this whole tragic "I was once a teenage drug mule" story that's full of muleshit.
The crocodile tears were flowing from her eyes like the steady dripping of a clogged gutter.
She's also had MULTIPLE "pregnancy scares" which have become so formulaic that I feel like I'm watching an episode of the Big Bang Theory. Additionally, she's in the hospital so much for real and/or fake medical problems that there's literally a stack of letters covering my dining room table from different medical companies and debt collectors.
One time she "passed out" and I stayed by this girl's side and rode with her to the hospital in the ambulance at 2am, left hospital at 4am, and awoke to her home the next morning with her diagnosis being "feeling sad."
She's a wild ride, this girl.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:13:42 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was a shopping cart pusher in high school, and a guy there told me that he was out on the field at Yankee stadium and the guys he was buying drugs from pulled out their guns, and the whole crowd stood up, most pulling out their own guns, and cheered that they were behind my fellow cart pusher.
Oh yes my favorite. My coworker seriously can't stop. Always acts like he is in the know about everything.
He also claims to have been offered a scholarship to play basketball at Kansas. He's about 5'10 and weighs 250.
Let's see, also told me he owns a Condo in Aspen Colorado while he makes sub 30k a year. I've got endless stories from this kid.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:17:06 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He has been this close to working for a NASCAR pitbteam for three years. Also tried to sell me auoerbowl tickets last year before he lost them. Oh best one ...mom drives a ferrerai he drives on the weekends.
A guy that I know said that he was driving home drunk once, ran off the road, hit an embankment, went airborne, and was able to steer clear of the trees while he was flying through the air.
That he was at the shooting range with his dad and after finishing his clip off he hoped the barrier to go look at his target. Well his dad saw him doing it and evidently shot him in the back of the knee to teach him a lesson.
Said she was at a bachelorette party with male strippers. The bride to be was running around topless, all the girls were wasted at like four pm. I asked for pics but she refused because it was weird. I was like, "c'mon I've never been to a bachelor party. That seems cool." She sent me a stock photo of male strippers she found on google. I reverse image searched it.
Roommate this last year at college:
1. Dad worked for NASA
2. Owned a bunch of classic cars back home, but took his junk car to school.
3. Had a wrist mounted hacking device that he left in one of those cars so he couldn't show us.
4. One of our professors is a top 100 chess player in the USA, upon hearing this he said "that's not that good, I got better than that".
5.Once said I stood up screaming in the middle of the night, so he hid in the closet. After I have him a billion reasons of why that isn't true, after a few days, the story became that I must of rolled over in my sleep and mumbled something.
6.He built a motherboard and was a mater programmer when he was like 7. I am a computer engineer major, he is an arts major that couldn't pass a simple intro to scripting class.
7.His dog got hit by a car and was going to die, he made a big fuss about it and was raking in sympathy points like no other, dog was fine.
8.His uncle or whatever was shot down in a plane over Jordan, milked that for sympathy points, never brought it up again.
9.A few weeks after he all started living together he dropped the gem that he has had a threesome before. That was when the stars aligned and the other room mates and I realized that he was a compulsive liar.
My sister's friend insisted that she was a part of the CIA--the "special young people unit"--and that she could light strike anywhere matches on her skin
A tornado picked up his truck and put it back down in the exact same spot.....
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:28:16 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
An inordinate number of the pathological liars I've met claimed to be sharp shooters for the FBI, CIA, USMC, etc.
SK_RVA · 1 points · Posted at 02:29:09 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A compulsive liar in college once told me he had a dream that he was choked by a six-fingered demon and then woke up and had six finger marks on his neck.
He claimed his family was from Europe and he was the Duke of Wiggington and had his family's working guillotine in the front yard.
He was driving down one of our city's main roads and all four of his tires came off his car.
He had a solid silver bass guitar.
There were waaaaay more. My friends and I had compiled a list of almost 300 lies he had told... some where somewhat in the realm of believability, but many were not. We liked to keep him thinking we bought it all, so it made for an easy list.
Had a dude tell me he was in the army, but couldn't remember his unit when I asked. He also apparently deployed to Korea, when in fact my unit was the first to start rotational deployments in the last 30 years.
A woman I worked with tried to convince us of multiple stories.
She was hit by lightning. Then said her car was hit by lightning twice and all she needed to fix it was a paint job.
When giving birth to her second daughter they declared her dead and sent her to the morgue. Her husband had to fight his way down there by demanding to see his wife, then he told them she wasn't dead so they brought her back up to the maternity floor. She said she had a toe tag and everything. (Considering the processes the hospitals go through before sending someone to the morgue and giving them a toe tag, I found this one hilarious)
Her husband played professional football (we had a supervisor who fought with her over this until she said "well it was the practice team". I still find that unlikely as he is well over 600 lbs and only 5'9")
Her mother was from Africa, then Italy. Then Africa again.
Her family invented Nutella. (This was during a "my mom is from Africa" and I asked if Nutella originated in Africa, and her family was Italian again.)
I'll try to think of some more really good ones. She was a riot. Mostly because I loved how far she took her stories. I think she genuinely believed some of them.
I knew a guy who claimed that his cousin cycled from Stockholm to London on his own at age 14, with polio, and then went to a university of economics in London at 14.
That he was attacked by a monkey when he and his family went on safari in Africa.
Then later in high school he claimed that he was being recruited by the University of Alabama to play football, even though he only played high school football for a year...and sat on the bench.
One guy I knew said that he ran a porn business online and he had sold it to Hugh Heffner for a "large amount of money".
Also worked with a guy that claimed his last job was at a high end watch store on rodeo drive and consistently sold very expensive watches to celebrities everyday (yeah, and now you're a salesman at Sprint lol).
Same guy used to also visit this website and talk about how he owns it with four other guys and how awesome it was and that he had a number in his head for what he would sell it for (1 million). I looked at the web site a few times and they had the owners right on the page including dumb things like casting director or wardrobe, he was not listed.
A consultant we hired for helping with a SharePoint install said he was an ex-Navy Seal and that he helped write some of the original source code used on the space shuttle and had been tracked down years later to help with a space emergency.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:39:08 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hahahahahah that his uncle was in this secret mercinary group. He'd fuck up so bad that he would say his uncle is in Madrid, then accidentally say Barcelona in the next sentence.
We started collecting a list of all his lies and confronted him with it. Ever since then he stopped lying so you're welcome dude. I know you have reddit so you might see this.
I volunteer with a very dysfunctional non-profit. When one of the volunteers had enough, he stormed out and said he wouldn't be back. A few days later, the director was spreading a bullshit story about how he'd been injured and she "wasn't sure he'd be able to come back." To me. The girl who was there.
My cousin makes up stories about everyone on my dad's side of the family and I'm convinced she actually believes what she says. She always tells me that another one of my cousins (who is a stoner) does meth and is into all sorts of other drugs. She talks about how he has holes in his teeth, but his teeth are pretty much perfect. If I tell her she's wrong, she gets extremely defensive and will say things like "Well you would know if you could actually be bothered to visit us more often". It's pretty strange.
My buddy at school once told me that he drove to California bought 2 lbs of bud and smoked it all mind u he did all of this in the span of one day. Also told me he did a double backflip off of dicks sporting goods
I knew this girl (that I was friends with for a few years!) tell me:
-her mom beat her face in with the butt of a gun when she was 3
-that both her grandparents died that she was living with and that she would go into foster care (she lives in my neighborhood and I still see them around)
-that she was really poor and starving (while she was getting acrylic manicures done weekly)
-that she was locked in her house and there was no way to leave
-that her grandmother didn't know she had a phone (even though she's texted her gm from one)
-that her dad left her and they don't talk (her dad has an Instagram............)
-that her mom was dying of ovarian cancer (and then she suddenly got better - like it was a cold)
-that she wasn't allowed to have friends over (but they still post snapchats at her house)
-that she's "anerexic" (*anorexic, she spelled it like that. She said I caused this! I didn't and she eats all the time at school)
My mum kinda messed me up with her compulsive lying; she told me my dad abused her, she told me we came from a very rich family and we were only poor because grandma married badly, she told me we were part Syrian, she told me she was almost in several Hollywood movies, she told me she used to date rockstars, man the BS she came up with had no end... Thing is though, when you're a kid and this stuff comes from a parent you kinda believe it, then you repeat it to kids at your school... Then all the kids smell the BS and assume you're the liar... Then you wonder why you have no friends :/
In college our roommate lied to us about anything ranging from serious medical issues to what he watched on tv in the morning.
We caught him in a lie 2 years after he told the original lie all over his favorite hometown pizza place. he was from out of state and always talked about how his home and state were better, down to his pizza place that made pizzas so large they had to be transported on top of cars.
These places exist... But this wasn't one of them and he likely picked up on it from all the food channel our apartment watched. He talked this place up for 2 years and then one day lets slip they don't deliver.
How do they not deliver their own pizzas that they make too big to fit through standards doors? So we called him out (which never goes well with these assholes) and he stuck to the story. They don't deliver. And that was his mistake. Telling the truth. We had questions on how people strap to their cars and he said the place provide straps for you to keep
Immediately we're on the phone calling in an order from out of state. The staff confirms, no delivery. The staff are bewildered at why I keep ordering their super extra large pizza that they don't have. The largest they have is an 16 inch. Finally we settle on 10 of their largest pieces and ask for the straps to secure them on top of our small 2 door Honda Civic and they don't have them!! We cancelled the order due to their lack of service.
After the call we all turned and stared at him. He stormed off without a word
My brother said he invented the helicopter. I had to go along with it since he would get violent if you called him on his shit
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:45:18 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Paintballs with the CIA, professional chef, Paramedic, pro downhill mountain biker. He actually drives a Subaru with driving gloves because... Rally driver. Has a rack on his car but no bike.
One: That is dad had been hit by a helicopter. We live in a tiny town in Michigan news would be everywhere if some random guy got hit by a fucking helicopter.
Two: That he was at a machine shop with his dad when this guy who works there stood up on a bench and KICKED chain saws at him. He showed me a tiny little cut on his hand to prove it.
Three: That his mom was going to be in the WNBA but had to retire due to being white. I literally don't know why that makes sense to him but whatever.
Four: That his girlfriend goes to college in Wyoming. He was a high school freshman.
I believe he took special education classes but he shared all of this in gym class. God was he a goldmine for asshole High Schoolers.
Late to the party here, so I'll be brief:
1. "I beat John Mayer in a jazz guitar soloing competition"
2. "I was in the woods yesterday and I literally walked into a dear"
3. Not a story he told, but he carried around a coffee mug and "drank" coffee all the time. I asked for a sip one day and it was full of days old stale coffee.
My sister in law (ish) is a compulsive liar. I told her I was going to go home to watch the NFL Draft and she told me she had already seen it and knew who each team picked...... It's a live event.
She wouldn't make up stories out of nowhere, but after I would tell a cool story she would tell essentially the same story but with everything exaggerated.
Example: My family lived with my grandma for a while when I was about 7. During that time, we had a Beta fish named Little Red Fred. We really loved him. He died during the late fall and we really wanted to bury him instead flushing him down the toilet so we convinced mom to put him in the freezer. We ended up moving out of Gramma's house before spring really kicked in, and we completely forgot about the fish. Gramma was starting to get Alzheimer's, so she also completely forgot about him. We finally found Little Red Fred again about seven years later when we were cleaning her freezer out so we could sell the house and move her into an assisted living facility. We then flushed him.
After hearing my story, this bitch tells basically the same one, but the fish was a catfish instead of a beta, it was at her grandpa's house, it was left in the deep freezer in the basement, and it was forgotten about for 15 years. Like wtf?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:48:09 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
She was full white and said she was half mexican like i am....lmao god
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:48:16 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
All the same person, different stories. Details changed because I'm pretty sure he's on Reddit, and I still have to talk to him.
He has no memory from before the age of eleven (please note some other stories are from his POV but at the age of eight).
He was raised by an German babysitter and spoke with an German accent until high school. He occasionally slips into it when mad (His accent is like a bad cartoon impersonation of Hitler).
He was once attacked by birds while walking through the woods on the way to elementary school. He then woke up laying on the forrest floor.
There's also a very lengthy multi-day saga wherein he repeatedly lied about calling a friend in the hospital, despite very clearly breaking all protocols (speaking to the desk as "Hey, it's me. Connect me." and then talking to his friend instantaneously).
Lots more stories. Private message me if you want some more.
That he was a sponsored bow-target-shooter or whatever they're called. He said he got paid to shoot a target with a bow and arrow. He said he got paid a lot. Enough to pay tuition at a private college in cash. I googled him. The companies he said were sponsors didn't even exist, forget about him showing up.
He said he bought an Audi R8 over spring break. He said he traded in his Honda Civic for an Audi R8. Imagine everyone's surprise when he drove back to school in his civic.
He dropped all of his 'sponsors' because they wouldn't buy him an iPhone when he broke his.
He said he was the weed dealer at his high school. He was so successful that no one else ever tried to compete with him. He eventually tried to deal in our dorm, and he ended up believing that 7 grams was worth the $120 he paid for it. He made a whopping $50 loss and still re-upped to do it again.
Had a friend who lost custody of her kids but told everything their rich Italian father took them to Italy. Same friend says she born in NY LIE born in FL. She also claims, depending on who she is talking to, that she is Puerto Rican than another day she is Italian. She stole my brand new Victoria Bra and Underwear and swore they were a gift from her grandma. I could go on for days about her lies.
I knew some crazy chick in high school who claimed to be an African princess but "forgot of which country".
-When we were like 16 she claimed to have been recruited by the navy to become the first female nuclear sub captain because she was just so smart (also worth mentioning she was dumb as hell).
-She apparently also took a shit ton on pictures on some guys car in the school parking lot and tried to say it was her car (it was a nice car).
-She claimed to have received a full-ride scholarship to Harvard.
-She would also just come up to me and just tell me weird shit like that she just had an abortion and that the father was some famous musician "but she cant say who because he would be mad if he found out she had an abortion" and didn't know what to do. I was not even friends with this chick and never even had a class with her, it was really awkward. She did this to a lot of random people too.
A girl I worked with lied about having cancer. She told one supervisor she was doing oral chemo. Told me she had a port put in and was doing IV chemo, but yet refused to show me the port that was in her side. Told our boss that she was in remission and wasn't doing chemo. That supervisors meeting was eye opening considering I had sat with her for countless hours encouraging her.
She had lost both her parents to cancer within months. She was already getting tons of sympathy. I'm really unsure why she made up the cancer.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:56:01 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Cab driver customer is a huge pathological liar (I work at a gas station). Also a huge piece of shit who I despise and wouldn't care if he dropped dead but that's a different story
Every day he comes in, he drives the same fucking cab, and then goes "Oh I almost forgot my number, I always do that, they switch me around in cars so much I always forget" (he drives the same cab van every single day)
He constantly tries to assure us that's actually a higher up manager at his company, when it's obvious that he's just a cab driver.
Has told people he works for the CIA.
Has told people he's actually secret service.
Has told people he's actually a stunt driver.
Will point out random girl customers and claim he's slept with them (dude's like 50, ugly as fuck as well, and points to people I know pretty well)
In general the dude's a scumbag that I really fucking hate, but grit my teeth and smile because it's not worth the hassle calling him out, though we have had confrontations before. Also he clogged the toilet once with his fucking diarrhea Twinky shit and ruined it for the rest of his cab friends, so fuck him for that too
My cousin. Every job he's ever held starts out "Me and the boss just became best friends, I can do whatever I want and I make a million dollars a week". 5 months later when I ask why he left the perfect job- "That boss was an ass, he fired me for no reason. But my new job is great. Boss loves me, and I make more money than my last job!"
His dad bribed an Apple factory worker to build him a 64GB phone. I showed him the option on the website to buy a 64GB iPhone 6S just like his. He said I was faking it, that apple didn't actually make 64GB phones, they just claimed to and they were impossible to order.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:59:33 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh shit. The motherlode. In order of crazy.
That he was the godfather for a boy who's mother died. Now he was the legal guardian.... Just to use it as an excuse to be late or leave early from work.
That he went to MIT
That he worked for Google
That he's born in Louisiana or was it Seattle or was it New York.
That he lived in England.
That he's super rich, but works a minimum wage job to keep busy.
a kid in my graduating class was going to the same college as me, so i went up to him and said something about it. he told me that the only reason he was going to our college was because they had given him a 60k per year scholarship(tuition is nowhere near that amount) and because princeton had personally called him and told him that if he went to our college, he could transfer there without even applying.
Dang, I caught this late. My friend (passed away now) was a crazy compulsive liar. My favorite one was him showing up to my house in a corvette when we were 20. He said his dad bought it for him and that he wanted to take me for a ride. We went driving around crazy all day. I realized the license plate was custom and it looked similar to another license plate I had seen before. I realized a few weeks later after he has stopped driving it that he was house sitting for my boss, who's husband was a [crooked] cop and owned a corvette. Same one. He found the keys for it in a dresser and took it out for joy rides while they were away. I realized it because they both had license plates referencing Dale Earnhardt.
Late to the party but fuck it, the dude constantly blows smoke up everyone's asses.
He claims that he went to a school for card dealing, he pulled off a near-impossible dive for a swim class, and he constantly acts like he's the smartest person on the planet, Whenever he gets his bullshit called out and realizes he's incorrect, which I have done often in the past, he'll stretch and bend the facts to make it sound like he knew what he was talking about the whole time. "Oh that's right, it was x and not y, I meant to say y."
One of the regulars, that comes into the coffee shop, I work at is a conman, of sorts:
He has told us that he was in the Gulf War, as a colonel, in the Marines, had shrapnel, embedded in his stomach, and that it was too far in to recover, limiting his lifespan to 6 months (this was over 3 years ago now).
He was a firefighter and a first responder, on 9/11, and that because of this, had stage 4 lung cancer, but somehow miraculously recovered...
Was a pastor in a church and burned down his million dollar home for insurance money and faced 99 years in prison if convicted (the last part of this is true, thanks to Google)
And finally, he is supposedly a physiologist with a PhD, in the field...but doesn't have an office or any credentials, that anyone can find, so he just meets people, at my shop or in the park.
He's nice enough; comes in at least once a day, buys a latte, and gives me a "Cuban" cigar, every once in a while, because, "he knows someone in the CIA that can get them for him."
In high school, this new kid was hanging out with my group, who were all pretty big on airsoft at the time. At one point he asked us what it felt like to get hit by an airsoft BB. Later that same day, he was regaling us with tales of him and his old friends' airsoft adventures. Also included a story about how his father (who was actually a colonel in the army) had given them real guns to play airsoft with, using rubber bullets.
He hung out with us for a year, really was a sweet kid, but the most hardcore pathological liar I've ever met. He lied about anything and everything.
He fucking talks in a British accent, and in nearly 100% sure he hasn't been there, and I'm also sure his parent aren't British, lied and said he made a game bigger than skyrim, wrote an app, knows how to code, knows how to do this and that on the computer. He is in all low classes in school, and his writing is completely illegible, I'm pretty sure he probably just learned that Wikipedia and theraususes are a thing and is trying to impress people. If your out there, stop. Your not going to show me up bitch. Sorry, everyone, only person I genuinely hate.
Had a "buddy" from high school claimed he had a brain tumor a couple years after high school and milked cash from our friends and even shaved a small square in the back of his head and put on a band aid and claimed it was from surgery. Fuckin idiot.
High school friend told me that when he was growing up, around ten years of age, he used to have to travel through a distant neighborhood to get to his girlfriend's house. This was another story in itself, but he had to hop this person's fence and cut the back yard. However, there was a nasty Rottweiler that always chased him, until one day he grabbed and number three Phillips head screwdriver and drove it into the skill of the dog as it jumped face level at him.......right behind the ear.
Have this kid that comes into my store (work at a game store). One story that sticks out is he sold off a patent for a medical thing for a lot of money and was going to make custom cards for us for a new "unique" format for a card game we play.
He printed them using a cheap-ass printer, was filled with typos and grammar mistakes, and had art ripped from other games/deviantart.
That he was a sniper for the air force and that one time he was sniping on top of a crane and an rpg grazed his face.
Also he's an armed guard at a bank (actually true) and one time he just saw some kids who he knew were going to try and "rob the bank" so he takes his gun out and presses it to one kid's head and says, "You will not rob this bank!" -- What actually happened is some kids attempted check fraud and the tellers called the cops while compulsive liar dipshit ran around saying "We stopped a robbery!"
Edit:
Also he "is basically a doctor" but he stopped dropped out of college 3 months before becoming a doctor to join the air force.
He also has a "doctorate in Computer Programming"
"He is fat because of a health condition" - Yeah man its not because you literally can't stop eating. I used to work with this mother fucker and he'd steal food out of the fridge. Left me lunchless a couple of times. Glad he moved on to work at a bank.
edit 2: As part of his air force training he was in panama where he killed and skinned a bear to wear its skin for warmth. in panama.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 03:29:15 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Couple good ones from a few different people:
1. His dad was an old WW2 bomber pilot who was awarded a nuclear missile, which he apparently let his son drop over the middle of the pacific ocean.
2. His brother was part of the US black ops. He told stories about his brother jumping out of humvees at 80mph, doing a combat roll, and shooting in excess of 100 people. One shot one kill of course.
3. He ran a marathon at some ridiculously good pace after drinking the night before, with no water, and was so thirsty at the end that he accidentally chugged an entire gallon of vodka and was drunk for 3 days.
Oh boy, let's see. First of all this was a white, short, fat, bald man.
He used to date Miss Utah, and her sister (her sister was hotter and better in bed)
While on a scuba trip in Tijuana, he caught two 16 lb. Lobsters, he then surfaced, cooked and ate both Lobsters before the rest of the people on said trip surfaced.
When he lived in LA, he was made an honorary member of the gang Sons of Samoa.
He had a huge armory of weapons hidden in the walls of his house, in case anyone came after him.
His father working for the US Border Guard and having a Shoot to Kill License
Speaking fluent Russian, he tried to correct the on screen translation during Hunt for Red October when we first rented it
Claims he swam with Dolphins... and was able to keep up with them.
He has a 36 inch vertical leap. He was maybe 5'4"
There were so many others that I can't recall. I have them all written down somewhere, and there's actually a tape where we called him out when we were all drunk.
Jaro5e · 1 points · Posted at 03:16:29 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dude said his dad was a karate master said his dad met his mom at a tournament and she was a 3rd or 2nd Dan. Also said his dad fought my sensei at a tournament, he said his dad broke my her ribs.
I had a friend who stole my underwear once because she was smelly down there, when I caught her, she claimed it was because of her dead brother and sister that died in her moms womb... I didn't fall for it.
One of my all time favorites though:
My sisters best friend use to claim that her dad beat her. I think it was an attention thing.. Anyway, she's always come over to our house with "bruises" on her face. We didn't fall for it but kinda went along with it because the "bruises" were usually glittery.... Meaning she was putting them on with eye shadow.
One particular night she stayed the night at our house and fell asleep on my sisters white pillow...
The next morning when my sister and her friend woke up, her friends bruises were gone. She turned to her friend and pointed it out and said "Uhhhh,,, Britney?... Your bruises fell off on my pillow."
I never knew what she said exactly afterward, but she never came over with bruises again. And she never claimed her dad beat her anymore.
A guy i used to work with was an awesome liar. I used to like his stories because they were so entertaining (we'll call him Rick)
1:Rick had some wasp nests under his deck his nephew came over to visit and saw them. The nephew then offerd to remove them WITH HIS BARE HANDS and thats what he did you see for some reason the wasps would not sting him no matter what he did.
2: Another nephew was fishing with him. there was a wasp nest 50 feet away as soon as the nephew saw the nest he said oh no there going to get me and thats when all of the wasps attacked him. Rick had to gun the boat so they could escape.
3: He was a trained killer. once in Vietnam he came to covered in blood there were dead soldiers everywhere and he had a knife in his hand
whats sad is that he told everyone at work he was going to have this big operation. No one knew if he was telling the truth or not he died not long after the procedure.
"The Air Force let his dad keep his jet fighter when he retired and would drop him off at the school's secret landing strip. This was junior year of high school."
A friend of mine is currently in a relationship with a compulsive liar. He has told her that he was 23 even though he just graduated high school. But she had to find that out on her own.
He has cancer and has to "go to chemotherapy once a week." I asked her what he said it was and she said it began with an 'R', to which I responded, "What? Retard disease?" That didn't make her too happy.
That her dad was a famous hollywood actor and that she went to Angelia Jolie and Brad Pitts house and they had a huge trampoline. We asked her to bring us presents next time.
Turns out her dad did act as one of the gorrillas running around though in planet of the apes. Didnt meet anyone though.
Buddy of mine in high schoo was a compulsive liar and always had to one up your story. Make out with a girl? He's made out with 50. I hit a deer with with my car, he's hit "about" 20. Got tickets to go see a ball game? That'll never top the time he scored box seats to that game 7....
Told everyone he was completely colorblind after looking at a bright light when he was four. He then proceeded to say things like ¨hey, can you pass me that blue (insert item here)?¨and such things using colors.
Said his family owned 6 castles in Germany and that he was their heir of a multi million dollar fortune.
In high school, 2002 my friend had a 1992 ford tempo. He and his dad dropped a Ferrari V12 in it for fun, and he drove it everyday to school. He couldn't show us under the hood because the clips holding the hood down were stuck. He was also a very cautious driver, so don't even ask him to race.
I've had a tight knit group of friends since high school (2001) and we have this one friend who has the need to tell us these outrageous stories/random anecdotes about his life:
He was invited to dinner by Bill Gates but turned it down because he didn't want to be out past 9pm.
He has great surveillance skills, so much so that he scouted his neighbor who was having sex with their dogs and promptly called in a helicopter "bust" to take care of them.
He can control his weight gain/loss on command so much that it is "scary."
He has been stabbed so many times that at this point in his life getting stabbed doesn't bother him anymore.
He claims he fell into a frozen lake and it was so warm that he stripped down to his boxers and continued to swim around.
He's gotten to so many fights at the gym that 24 Hour Fitness doesn't even require him to check-in anymore.
Apparently he is royalty in the Middle East and he cannot return home because there are too many people after his family riches that the minute they land they will be killed.
He's maintained all of these to this day, but there is one incident that made us all realize he was full of shit.
He claimed one night as he was out in the front of his house washing his car. He was about done when a group of "Mexican Gangsters" drove by and egged him violently. He was so angry that he dashed to the garage, grabbed a box wrench and threw it so hard that it hit the vehicle destroying their windows.
It was my friends that threw 3 eggs at his house, no one was outside, no cars were even in the driveway. Fucking lol.
How his dad convinced the Lambo salesman to let him test drive the new model they got. No. Nobody let a high school freshman drive a lambo. Not to mention the fact that you can't even drive as a freshman.
His dad also used to work at Bungie so he got early access to Halo Wars. Bungie didn't make Halo Wars.
That at a party he had 30 drinks in an hour, and that he was only a little buzzed because he has strong tolerance.
That's enough alcohol to kill someone. There is no way he could do that. What's even more ridiculous is that I was at the party he was at. He was not just "a little buzzed", he was completely shitfaced and disappeared for the rest of the night to throw up in a friends room.
My sister-in-law hears a story from any one in the family. She repeats the same story right afterwards but inserts her aunt or grandma in the story. Its so stupid. She has been caught 100 times and just keeps doing it. She is the worst liar I've ever met.
Meewwt · 1 points · Posted at 03:39:32 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a guy tell me that he could peddle bike a 20minute car ride in 5 minutes.....so there's that.
A guy I knew in the navy was full of these stories. I think my favorite was the motorcycle that went so fast he had to navigate via GPS because he drove too fast for his headlight to keep his path lit. Yes, he literally said his motorcycle was faster than the speed of light.
He also had a boat that could go 250 MPH. It was a former drug dealer's boat that he got from the impound auction. He used to help the cops chase down guys on the water.
There were several more, but those 2 stood out the most.
Told me that he had co-written most of Beyonce's hit songs. Not sure what such a successful songwriter was doing working in Menswear in a department store in Australia though.
Also that he owned several highly successful racehorses.
And was Whitney Houston's nephew.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 03:46:28 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy once told me he drowned in a pool and was underwater for 10 minutes. When I asked that i thought once the brain was without oxygen for 3 minutes you get brain damage his response was "he was facing upwards and the light sunlight shining in your eyes prevents it"
My ex brother-in-law contantly lied. Said he was ex-nypd. Said he was hiding from the gambino crime family. I could go on and on....but the best one was that he played for the New York Giants.
This was a customer a weekend ago. "Yea man, I'm a vet. Well, technically I was honorably discharged at the end of training, but I was in the military for six years. You can piece that together right? My files are closed, and I'm not really allowed to talk about it......" But he continued to fucking talk about it for almost twenty minutes. Describing countries that "no one will ever know about". I felt like I was listening to the plot of a Steven Seagal movie.
My brother-in-law is both a liar and lacks common sense, not sure if this was a lie or just stupidity:
He told me that the Starbucks in Alaska serve liquor in the drive thru because his girlfriend always gave him an extra shot in his latte. Smh.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 03:52:13 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Heres what this kid at the highschool said:
(Came in witha neck brace that wasn't real) Hey guys so I was riding my bike yesterday and a car rammed into me going like 60 miles per hour.
I went to the hospital and the doctor said that I barely survived and my mom didnt show up because shes dead and my dads dead. (Everyone knows his moms alive because theyve seen here even after and he mentions her after this date)
He then came in the next day with it off for the majority and tole people like 50 other storied ranging from just falling off his bike to fighting someone
The worst part was that he changed the story even if he told you it already.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 03:52:13 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Heres what this kid at the highschool said:
(Came in witha neck brace that wasn't real) Hey guys so I was riding my bike yesterday and a car rammed into me going like 60 miles per hour.
I went to the hospital and the doctor said that I barely survived and my mom didnt show up because shes dead and my dads dead. (Everyone knows his moms alive because theyve seen here even after and he mentions her after this date)
He then came in the next day with it off for the majority and tole people like 50 other storied ranging from just falling off his bike to fighting someone
The worst part was that he changed the story even if he told you it already.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 03:52:13 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Heres what this kid at the highschool said:
(Came in witha neck brace that wasn't real) Hey guys so I was riding my bike yesterday and a car rammed into me going like 60 miles per hour.
I went to the hospital and the doctor said that I barely survived and my mom didnt show up because shes dead and my dads dead. (Everyone knows his moms alive because theyve seen here even after and he mentions her after this date)
He then came in the next day with it off for the majority and tole people like 50 other storied ranging from just falling off his bike to fighting someone
The worst part was that he changed the story even if he told you it already.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 03:52:13 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Heres what this kid at the highschool said:
(Came in witha neck brace that wasn't real) Hey guys so I was riding my bike yesterday and a car rammed into me going like 60 miles per hour.
I went to the hospital and the doctor said that I barely survived and my mom didnt show up because shes dead and my dads dead. (Everyone knows his moms alive because theyve seen here even after and he mentions her after this date)
He then came in the next day with it off for the majority and tole people like 50 other storied ranging from just falling off his bike to fighting someone
The worst part was that he changed the story even if he told you it already.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 03:52:13 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Heres what this kid at the highschool said:
(Came in witha neck brace that wasn't real) Hey guys so I was riding my bike yesterday and a car rammed into me going like 60 miles per hour.
I went to the hospital and the doctor said that I barely survived and my mom didnt show up because shes dead and my dads dead. (Everyone knows his moms alive because theyve seen here even after and he mentions her after this date)
He then came in the next day with it off for the majority and tole people like 50 other storied ranging from just falling off his bike to fighting someone
The worst part was that he changed the story even if he told you it already.
That she wasn't fucking other dudes and that she was "basically divorced"
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 03:54:56 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Freshman year of high school there was a girl who, on multiple occasions, told ridiculous stories to try and get attention- especially from guys. I remember one time she came to school and announced that she had just checked out of the hospital an hour before school started because she'd popped one of her lungs, but was still planning on smoking a bunch of weed after school that day because "yolo".
Another time she told everyone about how her dad bought her a horse and a boat and a $1000 speaker even though she was grounded because of some other ridiculous story and that he could afford it because he was a renowned surgeon or something. Little did she know that I knew her dad owned a shitty pawn shop near my house that went out of business shortly after opening.
A dude who literally can't read told me he's a world famous hacker who hacked the CIA website. How? He typed 1's and 0's into the password line. It confused the computers because they 'think' in 1's and 0's.
Knew a guy that I swear was incapable of speaking the truth. Didn't matter how inane the lie, he'd spin it. Rather famous for being one of those "special forces sniper" types.
My favorite was right after I graduated with BSEE. At a party like right after and he's going on about "yeah, that might have been hard, but not like my masters in physics".
You sack of crap, we went to community college together, and I don't remember you even taking any classes... just loitering. I can't even break down how outrageous this guy was.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 03:59:37 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh god, Colin the ninja. A boy in his 20s from a large fundamentalist family from the backwoods of Mississippi who, when asked what he does for a living, responds with "I kill people." Right, so the Tripp pants and Naruto headband do what for your stealth exactly? Do you kill people before or after your taekwondo lessons at the local mall?
I went with him on one of his "missions." We drive to some gravel road in the middle of the night where he says his mark lives. He brought a small caliber handgun and a sword. I carried a concealed .25 and was wondering what this idiot was planning to do. I thought he might be found out about me and his sister. He jogs down the road around the corner, fires a few shots into the air, and as I see him rounding the corner coming back I peel out in the truck and leave him there. He has to walk about a mile to our "rendezvous point in case something goes wrong" and I'm just rolling. Claims he got shot. I never saw a wound.
No bud, you're not a ninja, sorry. You're a weirdo who tries to make moves on your air force brothers wife and thinks that playing DDR makes you a ninja. Guess he found out I was only hanging out with him cause I was fucking his sister because he knocked up my crush but honestly he did me a favor.
That they flew a helicopter upside down at age 8. It's pretty self explanatory.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 04:00:38 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Pretty much anything Hillary says is a lie. She is the Websters definition of a compulsive liar.
klrcow · 1 points · Posted at 04:00:42 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had a guy I worked with telling different storys about how he got a medical discharge from boot camp 1) Jumped out of a plane and his parachute didn't deploy 2) He fell off the top of the log wall and broke his leg 3) At the grenade range ( I guess the army has a grenade range) a grenade blew up 10 ft away from him and now he has shrapnel in his legs 4) At the firing range someone misfired their gun and shot him in the knee. At this point I pointed to my hand ( I have a badly healed boxers fracture) and told him I broke it punching godzilla in the dick
I had a guy call off work because he rolled his car on the freeway 8 times. He had no hospital paper work, and came into work the next day with out a single scratch or bump. Mind you this is also the guy who grew up in Alaska and punched a bear.
A tech where I worked kept claiming she had a $12 million dollar lawsuit against someone for something. Kept going on and on about it. She apparently had 4 babies, but they were all given to friends for adoption. At least four times in a three month period she'd miss work because she was having a miscarriage. She'd wear these nasty short dresses and rarely took care of her body and stunk a lot of the time. She also had more hair on her chin than Billy Gibbons. Claimed she had a new date every week who rocked her world, talked about how she was sleeping with every guy in her Bible Study group. She was just a straight up liar.
Met a guy at work 6 months ago, pretty obvious compulsive liar
Saw him dropped off at work in a shitty old van, he didn't know it. Came in bragging about how the day was so nice he left the top open on his convertible. Asked him to show his keys, his response was 'I don't show people my keys'. A month later he claimed he had a brand new camaro, a hard top (guess he forgot his previous story) I asked him what kind of engine it had in it, he said 'It's a really big one'
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 04:09:08 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
We didn't really care about the lies, it was pretty meh, but this nerd we played dota with would call everyone a virgin.
Like it's an insult or a bad thing to be a virgin... the dude was kinda weird, but he had his moments and was generally cool.
When he'd get butt hurt or lose games he'd get really quiet.
so I'm like "yo why aren't you communicating?" and he's like "oh my gf is sleeping next to me in the bed".
sure buddy... he'd lie about this kind of stuff all the time... more sad then anything
I worked with this one guy who would constantly tell these big fake stories. My personal favourite was how he was in line to run the Winnipeg chapter of the Mafia, (pretty sure the Mafia don't give two shits about Winnipeg and he's native, not Sicilian, not even white), and he refused so the came to his house and threw rocks at his window until his dad had to chase them away with a spiked bat.
I had a coworker who lied compulsively about everything in his life.
He was not a particularly fit man...but apparently fit enough to be a featured MMA fighter on PPV. But he would always "forget" the dates of his fights. Apparently he fought large lesbians named Ronda...(could it be Rousey?)
He was also the former pyrotechnics expert for the small city we lived in...which did not do fireworks at 4th of July or any other time of year...
He would also constantly "injure" his arm in all his big fights, and his injuries would happen to act up the second there was any physical labor to be done.
You'd think that an experienced MMA fighter/pyrotechnics expert would be doing better than a summer job lifeguarding at the community pool...but you know, it was his real passion.
Dude told my best friend about how he got his ass kicked when he picked a fight with his seniors in college. But when he told me this story it was the other way around - he kicked their asses. And my best friend was sitting with me, trying to control his laughter.
Knew a guy, way back, that claimed he was USMC. Even going to the extent of buying a full dress blues uni, BDUs, and getting a globe and anchor tattoo on his shoulder. Swore up and down he was a PFC infantryman. I know several Marines, and gladly introduced him to them, knowing full well that they'd beat the shit out of him for being a poser. (I almost felt bad for that.)
Aside from that, was the usual stuff about picking up girls, selling weed to cops and getting away with it.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 04:20:21 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew this guy in the Navy. Lets call him Chad
Chad was originally going to be a SEAL instead of a cook. But his written exam scores were so good that his instructors assumed he was cheating. So they kicked him out of SEAL school and that is why he had to be a cook.
He choked out Brock Lesnar in an MMA training session.
In high school his architectural class had an assignment where the students submitted their designs for the new World Trade Center. (You all had architecture classes in high school right?). A few weeks later some FBI agents came into the class and confiscated his assignment and of course that is the design that was used for the new World Trade Center. And he didn't even get paid for it!
His little brother got possessed by demons. The priests in his town wouldn't perform an exorcism unfortunately. So Chad took it upon himself to go to the Vatican (in Rome) and become an ordained priest. He came back home and took his brother to an abandoned warehouse where he set up 1000 candles and exorcised the demons from his brother.
Guy named Todd worked at Whataburger where me and my buddies would go play MTG on the weekends at night. Dude looked all methed out and we asked him "What's the craziest thing you've ever done?" And he had 2 answers.
The first was standing on the top of his buddies pick up truck (not the hood, not the bed. ON TOP OF THE CAB) while his buddy drove 85 mph through a construction zone. They ended up running and escaping the police.
The next was that his friend had a pet bear. I know some people do, but this is bullshit because it's out of Todds mouth. Anyways, the way you would play with the pet grizzly is by taking an aluminum baseball bat and hitting it in the fucking head over and over. As hard as you wanted and as much because "it's a bear." And it "knows you're playing." Because that's "his toy."
I didn't come to work because I had a car accident on the way to go fishing..... So bad that I woke up in the ditch still seat belted in my seat. My friend was cut open so bad he had 125 stitches in his side..... But I'm good to go now and I can work....(3 days later).
When I was 16 one of my friends tried convincing our group of friends for weeks and weeks he and his dad invented a mechanical bear, and it was loose and roaming the country side. We went to his house for his birthday and we're playing ghost in the graveyard outside. He tried convincing us again. We all laughed at him until he cried. My best friend took pity on him and said "It's okay, ___. I believe you.." He then jumped up started pointing at my best friend "Oh, I totally got you! I can't believe you believe me you idiot!" It was the most Farva-y think I've ever experienced in real life.
ungov · 1 points · Posted at 04:26:05 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That they got into Cambridge, but rejected the offer.
My favorite that this girl told was not to me, but by people I'm far more inclined to believe. She had previously told an entire class she had a civil war graveyard behind her house (i
n northern IL) but when a few people went to her place and asked to see the grave sites she took them out back and said "huh, they must have moved it". She had many more interesting quirks before she left school but that's the best I can recall.
This person jokes about everything and takes nothing seriously,... except for his lies.
This person said he boxes in clubs. With further investigation, he looked it up on YouTube and did it once with his brother.
After I got that out of him, he claimed he beat him up. I asked his two brothers and they said he tapped out.
This person said he got lost going from our friends house to his (a 10 minute walk) and took him 3 HOURS to get home.
This person claims his tailbone and big toe are broken, yet he goes out and plays whiffle ball and ultimate frisbee with me.
A guy told a group of us that he freestyle raps and then proceeds to rap one of Eminem's underground rap battles. He gets called out on it when someone recognizes it, "That's Eminem's rap, I heard it on Youtube." After a couple of seconds he gets real excited and says, "OHHH SHIT! I'm on the internet?!"
Mu mother, this week is faking having had a stroke. I talked to her dr. He assured me she hasn't had a stroke.
On another note, I dated a guy who had met every celebrity you can imagine. My favorite was his story of standing out side of a Vegas hotel where he mentioned Nicholas Cage, but he didn't KNOW it was Nic Cage until the valet brought his sports car with the vanity plate that read "cage." He said he offered to drive him around in his car but declined.
I went to highschool with a guy who would always one up ANY story, didn't even matter if it was another blatant lie. we will call him P. Well one day I get an acceptance letter to a Senior Military College in vermont. there were a few conditions for the acceptance. a few along the normal lines like physical and GPA but I would also be given the option of joining the drill and ceremony team for more money to help pay for the school.(which cost somewhere around 50,000 a year in tuition alone.) Well I tell my friends and a few teachers and I guess P heard about it. well according to him the school offered him the same deal but they were going to comp. the total bill (tuition, uniform, travel, etc.). I ask him to show me the paperwork but it turns out that he had thrown it way because he didn't want to go their anyway because he wanted to go to one of the state University's because he had a friend there and it didn't matter that he would have to pay for it because his dad owned half of Arkansas for some reason. Needless to say I wanted to kill him but I ended up going to the same place because I wanted to avoid crippling debt. He got disenrolled for having alcohol in the dorms like the second month there.
One of my still good friends from high school went to visit his maternal family in Korea during the summer we were 16. When he came back he told us all that while swimming in the ocean he was chased by a shark and had to climb onto a rock to save himself. He waited for him and watched him all day and he finally gave up and jumped about 9 feet (3 meters) from the rock to shore. He also contracted West Nile on this trip and beat up some teens (who were robbing a cart vendor) with only his fists after they hit him in the head with a baseball bat.
I was briefly friends with a girl who was a compulsive liar when I was around 14 years old. One of the more hilarious ones (and harmless, unlike her later flights of fancy) was her trying to convince me and our other mutual friends that Kurt Cobain's ghost communicated with her by writing messages on her mirror in the night. She swore up and down that this was true, despite the notes being in her handwriting and that this mysteriously never happened when myself or any of our other friends would sleep over at her house.
A coworker at a fortune 100 company said he was an airforce pararescue operator. He said he carried a katana in theater and decapitated someone with it. He said he had grenade shrapnel in his foot. He brought in chest candy with a purple heart. One of the several people who had also served finally called him on it when they pointed out that the ribbons included a Kosovo campaign medal and he was only 27 years old. After some digging, found he had been a cargo loader in New Jersey.
He has millions of dollars worth of stocks but lives with his mother and that he is a student at MIT getting his engineering degree from home in California
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 04:40:36 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My mother fakes illnesses for sympathy. She's had hep c, Meniere's disease, breast cancer twice, uterine cancer, superbug, and now leukemia. If she really were sick, there would have to be some serious proof.
One of my friends said that he made rocket candy (stump remover + sugar, Its just this highly flammable substance) the day after I told him about it. about a week later, I asked if he could show me or make some for me, and apparently he 'ran out'. Sure it might seem plausible, but he also said he made a super accurate crossbow with a laser pointer that can penetrate metal. And once again, I ask him if I can see it, but he 'lost' it...
He also said he caught an eagle in midair and strangled it to death
An acquaintance of mine in high school told us a story about how he was sleeping with an older woman for months without getting caught by her husband. Apparently, he came home early one day when they weren't expecting him and he was chased out of the house. The husband chased him through the backyard where he ran my acquaintance off a "cliff", where he rolled down a hill, breaking an arm and a leg, before coming to a stop in the right lane of a highway – where he was then hit by a semi. He said this all happened "over the summer" before senior year, but there was zero sign of trauma on his body. He was adamant it happened. I ran into him a couple years later and asked him about it for shits and giggles, and he reaffirmed that it happened and didn't understand why I felt the need to bring up such a traumatic piece of his past.
I know a guy who thinks that the government watches us with camera's in the clouds and also that the government have factories that they use to control the weather
Saw him one day. A Tuesday perhaps. He seemed normal as he could be. On Wednesday he was carting around a personal oxygen tank, hose under his nostrils. Because of his lung transplant, wouldn't you know.
He went to Jamaica to train for the Olympics and he just "stumbled upon" Usain Bolt. He challenged him to a race and lost by just one second. Who would have known that the second fastest man in the world is a junior in high school?
A guy I met in Texas claimed to be from Sweden and that his uncle is the vocalist for Amon Amarth. Would fake an accent and everything. Ended up bouncing around dating my exes. Last time I trust someone that is blatantly untrustworthy
I knew a guy that I worked with who had more uncles than anyone should. Everyone of them did some sort of crazy thing as a career choice hell's angel, piolet, big foot. That and all the things he claimed he "use" to do let me know he was full of it.
One day he saw a guy doing parkour. A co-worker made a comment that parkour was really hard and without missing a beat "100 uncles"said, "I use to do parkour. That wasn't even hard." I asked if he thought he could do better he said yeah ( got you now!) He walked outside scurried across the planter then gave up walked back in bright red. He didn't tell stories so much after. One best feelings I've ever I had was watching his defeat...I live a sad life.
My friend has been telling me for over a decade that a gift is arriving in the mail for my birthday, or wedding, as a thank you, and many other things. Only one package has ever arived.
My buddy is a scientist and once tried to tell me he could remove 20% of the fat from chocolate and also make it taste better by running it through an electric field.
He told me he kicks a lot of ass on multiplayer Skyrim. He's really good. Shoots flaming arrows and uses magic like a champ. I said that there was no multiplayer Skyrim and he said he was playing a cracker version. People have been trying to figure out multiplayer Skyrim forever, if you were playing it I would be too along with everyone else. That was around the time I stopped calling him out. I've known him since preschool but he will always have a bunch of tall tales to tell.
Key6 · 1 points · Posted at 04:53:29 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm a Italian mob boss.
I have millions in a bank over seas.
I won a purple heart &good conduct metal.
I reported for duty I was here all day. (You were at home sleeping asshole)
I didn't steal that government laptop I bought it at a yard sale.
I'm a black belt in jiu jitsu.
I could go on.....
i23m · 1 points · Posted at 04:53:53 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He had collected every pokemon card but had misplaced them every time I came over to his house (Elementary School).
He was the bass player of The Format a local band that was relatively popular in our town. Nate Ruess was the singer. People would come up to me and say "I had no idea John was in The Format!" I would simply tell them he's not and he's a liar. (Highschool)
He attends John Hopkins University and is training to become a brain surgeon. Even says so on his facebook page. At one point a friend called him out and he claimed he was doing it online. He actually works at Game Stop. (present day)
There are a lot more too. Those are just what came to mind.
A guy one tried to convince me he escaped getting pulled over by gunning it as soon as he saw the cop, then pulling into a side street and hand brake turning into a parallel parking spot.
He drove a stock 2000 honda accord lx. This was 2012. You can't drift FWD cars like that. He certainly can't drift shit. But I let him think he convinced me
I once had a neighbor everyone thought was a bit crazy and a couple people thought he was a compulsive liar. He claimed to be one of the first Thunderbirds at one point.
A few weeks later one of the other neighbors came around with a confused look on his face as he looked it up and there was a picture of a younger version of the neighbor with his name underneath in some Thunderbirds history book.
He was telling me that Division 1 basketball scouts were asking him for my name and phone number, I have 0 chance to go div 1, they would come to me and it is a violation of NCAA rules for them to contact me before I'm in 10th grade
Mine's a bit boring.
He told me his boss scored hot chicks and got them to have 3somes with him. They would snort pills and fuck all night. When I asked what pills he misunderstood me thinking I was asking for some slang and he came up with a blanket slang for pills off the top of his head. "Candy"
He constantly claimed to be playing with Ouigi boards and that he saw all kinds of demons and monsters and one night even claimed to have met satan himself. The day he did that he also claimed to have "cried blood" idk exactly how he got himself to cry blood but I know it wasn't because he met satan. He also claimed to have sent demons to my house, considering I never once saw or experienced anything proved that he was full of shit. He also tried to prove that he did because "they came back and told me you just got high and played videogames all night." no shit sherlock I'm a pothead with an xbox!
Its a toss between a friends ex who claimed to have found a million dollars worth of weed abandoned in the attic of his new rental (yet needed to bum smokes off us) or this bone dipshit who flew a couple F-16 jets on secret CIA missions...in 10th grade. I'll give it to F-16 guy because when he got caught with kiddie porn, he was working under cover for the government. No word if it was the CIA again or the FBI this time
So me and a group of friends have this one friend who is well known for telling us lies. Fyi he lied about his age for the longest. His mom actually called him out one day while we were over.
Jump 10 years later. He is out of college and starts telling everyone he is starting a record deal with Jay-Z. We all go with it. Telling us how the studio time is. What its like working with jay. He even went as far as having a few of us drop him off at our local airport to "Get scooped up in Jay-Z's private jet." Not sure if he walked home or got a taxi. Sometimes when a song came on the radio he would comment "I helped put that beat together." Or "They should have used my verse in this one."
Its not particularly shocking but he's told me my own stories back to me as if they were his own after forgetting I told him the story in the first place
I never experienced it but my little brother in 4th grade told me of how some girl on his bus (she headed to the next school up for zero hour or something) kept bragging that she calls Christina Agulerra (or whatever her name is) every night and that Obama was one of her best friends. She even said she was in the air force at one time. She was like 16..
Had a girl who would sit with us during lunch when I was in middle school who told us that she was pregnant. We got curious so we asked her who the father might be if the guy went to our school.(plus she was basically the first girl in our school to even get pregnant) Her answer was that she didn't know. Weird? So we asked her if by chance she was assaulted in her sleep, All she would do was come up with these elaborate stories about how she didn't know but that she might actually be the next mother Mary. Each day we would ask her how her pregnancy was going since we all liked juicy drama, her answers were always exaggerated answers about how her mother would slap her and would demand to know who the father was yada yada. Half of us including one of my close friends and i where hesitant to believe her just because all her stories didn't add up. Then one day she tells us that she has recently miscarried saying she was laying in bed on her stomach and next thing she knows she had lost it. I mean we were all sad for her (at least the half that believed her story, while the other half just felt sorry for her ) our small group offered her support and tried to cheer her up. Not even a week passes until she has already changed the story 3 times, one being that she put her child's body inside a microwave and that's how it died and the other that her mom slapped her so hard she miscarried. I mean we honest to god knew this girl was lying and quite too much. Plus one. She didn't even have a stomach yet, two. She told us she was 2 months pregnant. After the microwave story we stopped believing anything that came out of her mouth.
A friend's dad once claimed he invented the hydroponics system used on the International Space Station. His family quickly shot that down, along with a bunch of other lies. Apparently he's been making inexplicably wilder and wilder claims as he's gotten older, and they're worried it's some sort of dementia.
Security Guard at my work:
*Speaks 5 languages
*Was perviously a practicing Psychologist
*A Muslim born in Russia grew up in California
*Was part of the Russian military
*Had 40 amateur boxing fights
*Was an MMA fighter
*Was 32 but didn't know the year he was born
*Was the "Most intelligent person you have ever met"
*Step Mother died but Russian hospital wouldn't release her body until he sold his boat (because he was broke) and paid the hospital. They would burn the body unless he paid. Told me this through a tears. Then bought a BMW M6 the following week.
Back when I was a kid, I had a friend who would call me and keep me on the phone for an hour because she would tell me about the totally real date she had that day with the three guys from the movie 3 Ninjas. The eldest brother was totally into her and had a crush on her and the other two weren't jealous at all and they went to an amusement park and he held her hand and one of them totally wanted to meet me.
I had a weird neighbor that claimed:
- robots were sent to spy on him by the government and thats is why he lived with a "bodyguard"
-he could summon superman with pepper and Tabasco in his bathtub
-he could talk to ghosts and stray cats
-And that he was 800 years old
...turned out he was schizophrenic and his "bodyguard" was his brother who cares for him.
My roommate freshman year was from just outside of D.C. He said (as a <18 year old) that he was an EMT. Apparently, they picked up a junkie and couldn't find a vein to insert an IV. So the junkie grabs the needle and stabs himself in the balls, finding a vein first try.
He also said he drove a Formula 1 racecar (again, as a <18 year old).
I had a friend lie to me about being dyslexic, diabetic, adopted, having carpal tunnel syndrome, born in Poland yett also in Germany, but the most ridiculous thing was the day she brought a news article to school of her biological father and his girlfriend being arrested for running a meth lab in their garage. She showed it to me and many other friends saying how happy she was with tears in her eyes. Her now boyfriend's ex girlfriend and I looked into it and the story was from a couple of years back and he was in no way relative of hers. I decided to stop being her friend when she made up a new excuse every time I asked her to return the dress of mine she borrowed.
I had a 19 year old kid tell me a couple weeks ago that he made $30,000 in two months working for Cutco and that he paid cash for the Cadillac he was driving.
That's when he noticed his dad standing behind him who proceeded to slap the shit out of him and say "Get your own Goddamn Cadillac you little shit"
I was tutoring this returning student at a community college and he ended up asking me for counseling help. He told me he had a special gift of controlling electricity with his mind and he wanted to know what classes to take to be able to show the world his special gift (like a video production class).
Now that I think of it, that wasn't really a lie cuz the dude really believed he had a special power.
My friend who is 14 Supposedly has Been to every major city you can think of, had sex with a stripper in brazil, won a gun competition in Texas (lives in Australia), Made a domino course with 500,000 dominos, been shot by police twice, killed a cheetah in Africa, has a 20K gaming PC, Snuck into a casino in Vegas, has a YouTube channel with his American friends that has 50K subscribers (won't tell me the channel name), owns a PS5 with GTA 6. The list just goes on and on...
Edit: more lies: Got drunk on SCHOOL music tour, Dad earns 17K an Hour at his job which if he worked 10 hours a day Monday to Friday he would earn Just over $44 million a year, Met Ronaldo and Messi at the same time, got subbed on for the Australia national team against England (remember he is 14), Shot his brother at his "gun ranch" in Texas (same place as the tournament), uncle is a gun designer and he sells his guns to los zetas cartel in mexico, Aunty is an Olympic athlete (of course he can't tell me her bans) and finally that he went base jumping off the burj khalifa in Dubai.
Lol he always had stupid excuses like it was too dangerous to take pictures or if he did have a picture it would be obviously stolen from the internet.
His dad freed Willy with his bare hands, came off the bench for the Portland Trail Blazers to hit a game winning three, and my favorite: A girl we knew in school came over to his house, uploaded a virus into his computer, and then they had sex. This was all as a 5th grader. Last time I saw him, he was claiming to be a Blood... keep in mind this a small white kid with freckles.
I knew a guy who once had a lifted chevy pickup, it had two big blocks in it. It was lifted 5feet with 58inch tires. He got stuck in 6ft of mud, turned the truck off flipped his switch for the blower and nos and it did a wheelie out of the mud pulling a fifth wheel trailer with 2 horses in it.
This same guy was a reserve cop and was called in to serve a search warrant, he knocked heard someone inside and shot his fully automatic shotgun with slugs through the front door 2 shots and hit this guy in the leg below the hip, It shot his whole leg through 4 walls and out the backside of the house
Edit. I forgot this guys father killed someone for no reason in front of the towns cops just pulled his gun out and shot a random passerby. He has felonies but the cops are afraid of him and wont take his gun, and his father has a training course in eastern oregon and he is the one who trains the swat and seal teams how to shoot
Too many stories, all from the same guy. That he looked like Jason Donovan was one of the most laughable, considering he was bald, bespectacled, and had an acne problem. That his family owned half of our towns old, abandoned underground waterway, that he knocked out Vin Diesel at a nightclub opening night...
And that his sister was first, a nurse. Then dead. Then sewed Versace tracksuits in Italy. Then dead again.
I hope the guy managed to get help. He really had a problem.
A 23 year old former co-worker of mine says he was shoot twice while in the army stationed in Korea.
He had SO MANY bullshit stories. He'd always make stuff up on the spot to one-up your story so he is better then you. Or he would make himself out to be a victim.
EDIT: OH! He also said he was the rightful King of Norway and if he returned there they would have to crown him.
I had a boss I now refer to as Satan. He had what I'm certain was narcissistic or borderline personality disorder. To win arguments, he'd randomly name drop. Like say you said that the city has a law against X. He'd tell you that he just had lunch with the police chief and "funny enough" (that was his way to conquer the incredible coincidence) the chief just told him that there was no law X. (Side note: "funny enough" became code in the office for "I'm making all this up". Moving his lips was also a good sign).
His biggest lie was that he was personal friends with Steve Jobs and was employee number 50 at Apple. He even faked a call from Steve's widow the day after he died and claimed that he took Steve's kids out on his sailboat. He's a sick man.
Imagine that kind of lying but now for things like deadlines, assignments, deliverables, decisions in meetings, etc. and you can see why I call him Satan. I used to say he had a masters degree in revisionist history.
There was a girl I used to be on a sportsteam with back when clay Aiken was around. Now this was probably 1999-2001 and this girl was bad at this specific sport that we all competed in. She was terrified of actually playing and getting hurt. She always had a "knee injury"that made it so she couldn't participate and she was also extremely overweight. She was obsessed with boy bands and all that and at starts talking about clay Aiken the singer. She tells these stories about how she and clay are talking and dating but they can't tell anyone. She talks about how she goes to his shows and she goes backstage and sees him but they have to pretend nothing is going on. Eventually I move away for college and forget about this girl. Fast forward to 2004 and AIM is still being used so I get a message from her asking if I'd want to see clay Aiken with her. She says something about them still dating and she got tickets to his show and needed someone to go with her. So just to call her bluff I say I'll go. She messages me up until a week before this concert ( that I have no intention of going to) and then I never hear from here again....EVER. Guess her and clay ran off together.
She told me she was diagnosed bipolar and had attempted suicide. Then she told me not to talk to her ex because he was "bipolar" and bipolar people are weirdos to her. I confronted her and she told me she didn't say she was diagnosed but that she felt bipolar. I just checked our chat where she said she was. She definitely said she was diagnosed.
this kid i used to go to middle school with, he told everyone his great great grandfather was Adolph Hitler. i geus he thought it would be cool to tell people he was from nazi decent? people didn't like him very much after that, but he insisted it was true.
LaoBa · 1 points · Posted at 07:16:51 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My uncle told me:
He applied to be the next pope. I bet a twice divorced and married protestant was just the guy they were looking for.
He was going to buy a 2000 lb oak bed for use back home in Australia while on vacation in Europe.
I used to know this guy who had a story for everything. But the thing was, he was the type who would always butt into conversation.
Sitting around making small talk about the weather?
"Let me tell you about the time I was on a boat during a hurricane!"
Talking about celebrities?
"I banged Pamela Anderson at a party once!" (This was was particularly funny since a member of our friend group was Pam's cousin, and another used to babysit for her from time to time.)
Talking about NASA?
"I been to space in a jet, you know!"
Thing is, we all knew he was a huge liar. But we needed a way to let him know that we all knew, and to just fucking stop. It was so long ago now I barely remember the details, but we ended up baiting him into telling a tall tale about something one of us knew very intimately. We waited until he had told his story before dropping the bomb and calling him out, collectively as a group.
...we never saw much of him after that. But my memories told me his embarrassment was swift & sweet.
I have been friend/hanging out with many liars so I can't just write only one down. I will have for you some of the best ones.
Liar # 1:
I had a friend when I was a kid who insisted on telling me that he had a floating skull that talked to him and they made pranks at his mother with him at night, and that they played PS1 together and that kind of stuff. I remember that I kinda believed him cause it was soo cool, but I wanted to double check so I asked his mother one time we were at his home and my friend panicked and threw the ash tray down to cause some commotion, and while his mother was shouting at him to leave the kitchen he cornered me somewhere and told me to not bring this up cause it traumatized her and she won't cook for us. I didn't need to confirm a thing.... it was obviously a lie (you don't say)
Liar # 2:
Had a guy who told us that he once took a taxi without any money on him, and when the taxi driver arrived to the destination, he talked to him and told him that he had to go up his house to grab some money and come down to give him the money. The taxi driver feared that he might not return, so the guy gave him his mobile phone to keep until he comes down. So the driver agrees, and my friend never returns to the driver cause he said that he gave to the driver a really old backup and cheap phone, even cheaper than the taxi fare and that he had his primary phone with him, he just carried both of them just in case.
Liar # 3:
This guy was the biggest liar in the whole universe. He has told us several lies but 3 are the shining examples of the silver tongued devil
Told us that he once swimed underneath Crete without diving gear.
Told us that he had 2 king cobras at his house that were so venomous and dangerous that he had to feed them with strange things all the time so they won't kill him.
He said that 2 Pakistani mafia guys were bullying at his younger sister, so the guy (he was a skinny dirty guy with glasses) approached them and took out his huge super sharped kitchen knife (that always carried with him at the time) and slashed them non-lethaly and he saved his sister.
Liar # 4:
One of our school teachers was a pathological liar and once told us a story about her and her friends swimming to the sea, when suddenly one of her friends had internal bleeding (for some reason) and all the others panicked and swimmed outside, but only her (my teacher) grabbed her so she won't drown and as she tried to swim her to the shore, a shark came and chased them so she swam as fast as she could (with her friend on her back or something) to a nearby rock formation, and waited there while the girl was bleeding, and helicopters was passing from above and they signaled them for help and the pilots were greeting them and left them there.
A good friend of mine told me a story once about how he was walking through town and a homeless man pulled a hunting knife on him. The homeless man said "Give me all your shit!", to which he replied with "Fuck off, I don't have anything", before pushing him aside and continuing on with his business.
He was only about one line into this story when I realised that I had actually been there at the time. Not only was I there, but it was actually ME that the man had threatened with a very small box-cutter, ME who had told him to fuck off, and ME who had pushed past him. This friend had been there to witness the whole thing, but stood silently behind me as the situation unfolded and had then checked to see if the man was following us several times over the next half hour.
Not only had he told me my own story, but he had also changed the facts so that the whole situation was more severe and he seemed to have blocked out the entire memory of my involvement to the point that he had forgotten that I was even there.
He always was a serial-exaggerator, but he has repurposed several of my stories before and I'm sure he's done it to others too.
That he worked for Gamestop, played Call of Duty professionally with team envious, and is now doing a paid internship with Sherwin Williams. All while working with me at a bowling alley, as if all of that wasn't enough, he still needed to work at a bowling alley for minimum wage.
He shot a 2" grouping at some yardage that equaled 1 3/4 miles.
With a Savage Arms .308 caliber AR-15 with a Benelli scope.
First- No, you didn't. Didn't happen.
Second- Savage doesn't make an AR-15.
Third- .308 would be an AR-10.
Fourth- Benelli doesn't make scopes.
Also claims to run bakery from his mother in law's kitchen, to own multiple parking lots in major tourist cities, and to customize guns for money. Yet he works night shift in a factory.
In addition, he's had multiple heart attacks, was kept out of the Army Rangers by a car hitting him at 70 mph, broke multiple bones in bicycle accident. He's about 25 by the way. I knew him when he was around 20and never heard any of this nonsense.
His wife is a psychologist AND a professional chef. He has worked on a shrimp boat, as a construction foreman. His Ford Focus has dual transmissions.
Also, he's from Georgia but anytime you ask him where in Georgia he names off a few cities and then trails off.
He's become and endless source of entertainment in a boring workplace.
I worked with a guy who missed his very first day of work because he forgot he had an appointment to get his wisdom teeth removed that very day. He showed up on the second day and our boss was sympathetic, but my BS detectors immediately went off. Anyone who's had their wisdom teeth removed knows there's swelling and pain that lasts for days. Yet he was talking normally and didn't seem to be in pain. We even went to lunch that day (I was his sponsor) and he at a normal meal without any issues.
Over the course of several months he and I became friends, but by the time I left I didn't even talk to him because I grew tired of the lies.
My best friend growing up once tried to pass off Avril Lavigne song lyrics as poetry she had written. After she had borrowed my CD. Even when I confronted her about it by pulling out the booklet with the lyrics inside, she still insisted 100% that she had written these 'poems'.
She was pregnant. Statement of the year "Even though the marriage broke up I carried on with the IVF I was having. They took his sperm and mixed it with someone else's, to give it a boost."
This guy at work wanted to have a day off to visit his girlfriend. To get a free day off he told us his sister was in the hospital, in critical condition! Kept it up for like a week before he was busted.
A guy I work with tells us stories all the time, the best one had to be about how his uncle was so depressed that he committed Sudoku, and this guy ended his uncle's suffering by decapitating him in traditional Sudoku fashion with a katana. We are in the military and have had background checks, so you know its true. Fucking Sudoku.
My brothers version of the story:
He accidentally lit a tissue on fire while the family was in the other room, my dad came storming in, smacked my brother around a little then stepped on the flaming tissue.
Everyone else's version of the story:
They smelled something burning, my dad put the tissue out and calmly explained to my brother that he should start fires.
I saw this post yesterday and had a compulsive lier in mind but couldn't think of anything decent to post... But today he posted this on snapchat...
"Blah blah I'm in hospital" (which he seemed to be) but then the .. "they are FUCKING STABBING MY ASS OUCH GOD DAMMIT"... yes, I'm sure they are stabbing your ass while you're on snapchat... -_-
Oh man, I've got a bunch. My neighbor is a compulsive liar who makes up the most obviously untrue stories. A few things she's told me are...
•Gelatin not being vegetarian is a myth
•That her mom has adopted more than 40 children, some of them older than her
•That my old high school banned cheerleading because too many cheerleaders got pregnant.
•Asked me who my favourite teacher was, then when I told her, she claimed that teacher was a raging bitch and had screamed at her multiple times for incorrect answers and uniform violations. The only class that teacher taught was band and I know for a fact that she wasn't in band.
•Teased me because my "boyfriend is a nerd" when I mentioned he was at a comic book store. Then when I told her we both like comics and that I have more than he does, she told me that she had 10 boxes full of comics in her closet, but refused to show me.
•That my boyfriend beats his parents, does hard drugs, and hangs out with this one sketchy guy who he's never even met. Apparently 8 people in our building had witnessed this and would back up her story if I asked them. My boyfriend lives on the opposite end of town and none of these people had ever seen him before.
•That she got sent to the psych ward for trying to murder her sister by tying a rope around her neck, tying the other end of the rope to a bedpost and then pushing her out the window. (Another girl and I were talking about out experiences there and I guess she felt left out of the conversations and wanted to one up us.) When people started freaking out and expressing disbelief, she changed her story and claimed that she had actually only tied the knot in the rope at her sister's request, not knowing why, and that her sister had jumped out the window and then blamed the whole thing on her...somehow only getting a week in the psych ward and no police involvement.
•She claimed that she was 5 months pregnant with the child of a guy I doubt she even slept with (2 days earlier she claimed to be a virgin.) She kept switching between claiming they'd had one magical night together, them having been fucking like bunnies for months, and him raping her, multiple times over the course of a few hours. The one thing she was consistent on was that she had lost her birginity to him though...until she found out that I had been pregnant before, but had miscarried. Then she claimed she'd been pregnant several times before, twice with twins, and had multiple miscarriages and abortions. She also claimed she had been skinny before getting pregnant and all her fat was from the pregnancy, despite the fact that I'd known her for six months. She also kept complaining about how she didn't want to have a baby, but she couldn't have an abortion because, I shit you not, the father had custody of their unborn child. Of course months later when I asked her about it, she claimed to have had a back alley abortion. She later claimed to already have a one-year-old child with this guy, that he had custody of, even though I was there when they met, 8 months earlier.
•And my personal favorite, that the guy who had supposedly gotten pregnant had a "half-son". As in, some chick had fucked both him and some other dude in the same day, both their sperms fertilized the egg at the same time, and somehow this formed a perfectly normal baby who just happened to have 3 biological parents.
I've found it's best too just respond with complete disinterest when she tries stuff like this because I know she's looking for a reaction. I try to avoid her as much as possible, but it's tough when you live in the same building.
Guess I'm late to the thread, but this grown 24 year old dude told his then-girlfriend (and my friend) that he "sold" an app to Microsoft. This is a business student who, even after studying for 6 years, haven't been able to finish his business degree. As well, he had no inclinations towards programming that I knew of; and being a computer engineering student, this lie was funny to me. My friend being the gullible one, believed his lies for a year longer, until he started lying about getting a full time job at World Bank HQ (despite still not finishing that degree). Around that time she also received a collection notice from an agency about a credit card that he signed up for using her name (she knew that she was just an authorized user). She turned to her friends for help, we uncovered more lies that he told everyone over the years, and she finally broke up with him. Sucked for her because she was actually beginning to see a future with him.
A guy at my shitty job says he actually has 2 PhD's in business science and used to work in Berlin. But he has to do this job now because his wife died and he has to take care of his young child and can't afford to travel all that much. He's also half Indian, as in Native American but we live in the Netherlands. He also used to do MMA fighting.
He once tried to explain quantum physics to us and even though I know nothing about it, I know he was talking pure nonsense.
When i was around 14 one of my mates was saying how he banged the hot mum in the house around the corner, they did it in the bedroom, kitchen and then.. just when he was about to climax on his lie his phone starts ringing, it was SEAL Team 6 and they needed his assistance for an upcoming mission so he wouldnt be able to see me till tomorrow afternoon. Didnt hear or meet up with him the next day so never got to hear the full extent of the bullshit on how he shagged the local MILF, assume he died in combat poor lad.
I had a friend tell me about this new movie he saw and how much he loved it, and I didn't believe him so he got mad and tried to prove to me he did and then like a week later we talked about the same movie and he said how terrible it looks and how he'd never pay to see it and I brought up that he said he saw it and got mad and told me I must be thinking of a different friend and he couldn't believe id think it was him and how the day I said he saw it that he was with a friend. Lol
Late to the party here, but let me talk just a little bit about my ex-girlfriend back in high school. This is just the short version since I'm kind of tired at the moment.
We met online, right? Well, she told me she was 15 after I told her I was 16. Turned out she was actually 13.
Told me her dad was a cop and he got killed in the line of duty when she was little. Her dad was actually very much alive, was never a cop (he was a construction worker) and was none too happy to hear that his daughter had killed him off in her stories.
Told me her mom and stepdad regularly would drop her off at her uncle's house so they could go on weekend-long drug-fuled partying binges. Not only was this not true in that neither of them did drugs, but she was being dropped off at her dad's house because he had weekend custody. She didn't even have an uncle.
Told me that her ex-boyfriend from a few years before that had broken into her house and tried to rape her, and she stabbed him in the arm and he ran away. She later admitted this was a lie.
Told me she programmed her own video game in RPG Maker in the span of a week that was even longer than Final Fantasy X, but she deleted it because her best friend played it and she didn't like it.
There's tons more, but that's all I feel like writing now.
He claimed his dad was part of the SAS and whilst on a bring your son to work day he watched his father kill 3 men in hand to hand combat. The guy was 14/15 at the time.
An old friend of mine told lies all the time. Everyone knew it, but no one acknowledged it? I knew this girl for a long time, so I guess then it was because we were neighbor friends and I didn't care, because she hung out with me all the time.
Right before we ended our friendship, she told me she was going to ride a horse for a mutual friend of ours in a rodeo that weekend.. I texted the mutual about it, and she tells me that horse died months ago.
She also told me she interviewed with Comedy Central and was going to work on the Nick Krohl show, and almost in the same sentence told me she had been diagnosed with cancer.
And for literally years she was 'moving to New York next month'.
She still lives with her parents, and we haven't been friends in over two years.
She said she has a band consisted of the following:
A Japanese guy who plays guitar and tend (or always) break his guitar everytime the practice ends by smashing it to the ground.
An American guy whoplays keyboard. He's the son of a CIA agent and FBI agent who has an army of animals (such as hamsters, birds, dogs, cats, etc) that was trained to follow this friend of mine and her friends to make sure she's ok, equipped with camera/video taping device/etc.
Some guy who play drum with 4 drumsticks, 2 in each hand. Also the drumsticks are made of metal. Also like to end up punching a hole to the drums too.
She told me/us this story when she's around Junior High School. Everytime I asked her about the progress of her band, she said things like it's going to release an album soon, etc etc. All of the songs written were made by her. Everytime I ask for pictures of their band, she always give me an excuse on why they don't want to be photographed/don't want others to see them/etc.
Months passed. Around the end of junior high school, she said her band is going to be disbanded. She wants to burn the remaining of her band, asking my help to burn it with her. She had a small sized envelope that's said to contain the band pictures/memento/etc etc. Basically stating she's going to 'move on' from it.
Wee lit up a small fire, tried to burn the envelope but made a lame excuse how the envelope is too thick for the fire to burn it completely. Someone have to open the envelope and burn the content one by one. Firstly she was against it but finally agreed. When we opened it, viola! There was no such thing as the band memento/picture. Everything was only the stuffs she wrote/made, nothing more than that. She acted surprised like 'oh probably that genius American kid sneaked one of his hamster to take out the photographs&everything else important.
It's only one of the story, but it's the most memorable one for me.
I once knew a young, goofy-looking, spotty nerd with a stammer and a very pronounced facial tic who worked in a call centre with me. He would lie about really obvious bullshit out of nowhere and then apparently resent you for remembering it and bringing it up later.
Some of the lines that this kid reeled out:
he used to have a job in London as an estate agent for £100,000 a year, but became a call centre agent on about a sixth of that because he found it too stressful
he was very good friends with one of the team bosses in Formula One and could get hospitality tickets from them if he asked
he had a beautiful model girlfriend who he never saw because she was always on photo shoots; the one she was on at the time he told was the Bahamas.
Liars need to have good memories. This guy didn't. And even when I was young, at the time, I tended to be trusting and naive, but I didn't believe this guy for a second. No-one did.
I use to work with a guy that told me once that he didn't like french fries. We went several times for drinks and burgers after work...
CVDP61 · 1 points · Posted at 09:27:17 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He didnt show up for 2 weeks at school, came back and told us he won the unreal tournament championships in korea, our teacher actually bought a cake to celebrate, one day he told us his girlfriend died in a car crash, yesterday, while he was walking with us... we were like WTF how can you be here and stuff like that, only to find out everything was a lie... poor fella.
I knew a barmaid who worked in a local brewery who was absolutely full of shit.
She once said that she was one of the daughters of the owner, despite clearly having a different surname to the rest of the family members who worked there. When I raised this with the other family members they just looked blank, or rolled their eyes.
She said she had been on an Olympic team for the UK. When asked what Olympic event she specialised in, she said it was the "tug 'o war".
Shit got old quick. Nice tits for a fat lass, though.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 09:39:13 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My Girlfriend's Aunt's partner. Has done it all, ramped police cars, died a couple times, met every famous person ever, done every job you can think of, the list goes on. It doesn't really bug me, because the stories are quite entertaining, but she really thinks that everyone believes here stories. That conviction is the best part.
I used to have one friend who did this growing up, we all thought he would grow out of it but never did. It got to a point where it was too much energy to indulge him in his fantasies that I just stopped seeing him.
He told so many that I can't name one story but he would always suggest I asked (random name) on the validity of his story. This was always someone I didn't know or he knew I would never ask about such a thing.
One time I did question someone he suggested, he lost his shit and told me to stop talking about him.
He will be forever known as "The boy with a story"
Oh lord.. I work with a couple people like this, but let's focus on the most recent one.
Let's see...
Hes 26 years old but:
He has diabetes, he has lupus, he has GERD, shin splints in both legs, no cartilage in his knees, he's been shot 3 times, stabbed 6 times, and been in thousands of "gang wars"
His father and family were leading members of the hells angels(yet he can't even ride a 100cc scooter) he is licensed to carry a gun, licensed to kill, yet has several felonies, his father is somehow also an ex marine, and he comes from a huge military family with several high ranking officers. His mom's dead, his dads dead, his sisters are dead, yet he seems to lend them a lot of money. He's "level three schizophrenic" but only sometimes, he sleeps once every four days and only for two hours. Something his "military" dad taught him.
He's done every single drug ever, but can't seem to understand the difference between LSD and MDMA or crack and percoset. He owes several different companies thousands of dollars, is months late on rent but calls off about twice a Month due to "family complications"
When qualifying for a license to carry he "out shot" a navy seal and our police chief using a .45acp hipoint.
He is trained in several forms of hand to hand, and once beat the shit out or 4 teenagers because they were "riding around him in circles on skateboards"
I can go on..
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 10:25:50 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My dad is a compulsive liar, he once told my sister and I that when he was travelling in Iraq, he was arrested and spent a week in a triangular prison cell, eating almost nothing and drinking only once a day. Turns out this was someone else's story that he had stolen.
Also, he apparently played on stage as support for The Smiths when he was in a band...
gozu · 1 points · Posted at 10:08:11 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
ex-Coworker of mine called me and said: "Our boss is taking us to key west in a helicopter for thanksgiving.
Our boss didn't have a helicopter, or money, or a reason to somehow pre-empt thanksgiving family time, etc. It was just as ludicrous as it sounds.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 10:32:38 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend who swore that he was in an insane asylum at one point and was given a straight jacket. After explaining to him that insane asylums are only for the criminally insane and what the criminally insane are, he insisted that he was in a mental hospital.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 10:38:05 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
No one example, but I know a person who recites the funny conversations he hears on buses (half of the time they involve somebody inadvertently complimenting him). It happens so often that it's clearly absolute boswollox. What fucking bus is he taking!?
This 'compulsive liar' works with my friend. He literally has to out-do everyone.
Some of his best ones are he flew over his place of work in an aeroplane. He acquired an old Ford Mustang when visiting the states, and in the space of one day it was totally restored and riced and was doing donuts and burnouts.
Yet he also struggles to keep up with each lie no matter how big or small. Whenever my friend tells me the stories I cringe so hard haha.
A friend told me that he never gets drunk, this is while he had his third beer and was rambling on about how many times he drinks but never gets drunk. Still to this day doesn't want to admit that he gets affected by alcohol and can get drunk.
My dumbass friend told me he had an Oculus Rift back in his home country, 6 months prior to the official release date.
I took out my phone and proved him wrong the very second, but the stubborn bastard wouldn't budge. He told me to ask his parents but his parents were away, so he stuck to his story.
I often went to a bar with a friend of mine who really liked to brag about how cool his life is. Soon I realised that all he said was just bs. But me and some other friends always had a good laugh with it.
-He has an uncle who bought a humvee that the USA used in a war. It still had bulletholes in it so his uncle painted more bulletholes on the Hummer so that you couldn't see the real ones.
We live in Belgium. You don't see that many hummers out here. And I've never seen one that came straight out of a war zone. About a year later he brought that uncle with him to the pub. I went to him and said my friend told me about his car. "I never had a car" he answered...
An other time there was this real badass in the pub who was telling some people about his time in jail. My friend wanted to be a tough guy and was like don't you worry mate. I just spent 3 weeks in jail myself. The other guys looked at him like whoaw you're also a real badass. I was talking with some other people at that moment when I turned around and asked him "so how come we had a drink last week if you were in jail then?"
A coworker, well call him "doug" has a knack for 'one-upmanship'. Anytime he hears someone telling a story about their life, he has a better experience to share. Unfortunately he has a really boring life and not many of them are true. Here are a some examples of his more entertaining stories:
- The time a NY State Police Trooper let him drive home drunk from the gas station with an open container because "it was just down the street and we weren't that drunk."
-More fights than Julio Chavez.
-The time he saw a weeping angel in real life.
-He managed the most profitable McDonalds in the state.
There are many more but its early and i havent even started in on my coffee
I had roommates boyfriend try to convince me he was a vampire. When I asked him where his fans were, he told me he was an "energy vampire" that could drain the life-force out of someone without biting them. I played along and enabled his delusion and instead of calling him out on it, I gave him the opportunity to embarrass himself by letting him demonstrate his powers on me. He straight up grabbed my wrists and made a groaning moaning sound as he closed his eyes and shook slightly. I told him I felt nothing, and he said it must be because we are on an Indian burial ground.
He also was a Smith and made katanas for a living, was a close personal friend of Steve Irwin, and was considered for the role of the youngest brother in Three Ninjas.
My friends ex girlfriend used to tell people she had an actual copy of Kurt Cobains suicide note. She would brag about it, saying how her dad was friends with some record executive and that how she had gotten a copy.
Turns out it was a big poster of his suicide note, like one you could buy at Hot Topic or something like that.
There were so many more instances, but this was probably the most ridiculous one.
First, he claimed that he was friends with George Lucas, and saw Episode VII a year before its release.
Next, he got 3 solid gold PS4s. He tried to convinces us of this by showing us a picture on Google images. You could see the search bar at the top of the page!
I am the tech geek at my school, so D asks me to get rid of viruses on his phone. He says they are "taking up all his storage" So I install a File Manager on his phone and check for apps that look suspicious. There are none. But I do find what's taking up his space: 6-7 gb of videos with porn titles. Delete them all, he says "Thanks!" I think he was too embarrassed to ask what happened to his "scientific research".
He claims he has a Bugatti Veyron. All year he was talking about how he paid off the police (All of them? In the world?) so he could drive it as fast as he wants on the highway. Proved he has it by, you guessed it, Google images.
Was suspended from school for about 2 weeks, claims he was in Dubai, making a deal so now he owns part of Microsoft.
Steals money and food from us, claims the principal of the school stole the money that he was going to pay us back with.
Thought I would like him if he showed he knew about PCs. Says he has the best gaming computer in the state. I reply "What are the specs?" "It's an Alienware". I reply "Alienwares aren't good gaming pcs, they are overpriced and have bad gpus" "But it's an ALIENWARE"
Claims he lives in a mansion, lives in a 1-story house at the edge of town.
Says that he can go to Harvard or any school he wants because his grandparents will pay for the whole thing.
I can confirm this I go to school with will and D is the biggest douche he can't go a day without lying. We wouldn't hate him if he didn't lie and take money he claims he has a galaxy s7 only for the vr. He says he bought an uncharted ps4 and said he would show me a picture then suddenly his phone doesn't work but he uses it later that day. Says he has a smart watch but it's at home downloading. He is nice and cool for five minutes then he brags about some fake things. We wouldn't care if he is poor or not but he keeps lying
I knew a compulsive liar in primary school (don't know if she still is) and her favourite lie was about how many brothers she had. She had one sister. We all knew it.
my husband is the king of lies. dont know where to begin.
here's a recent one.
I found evidence of a women in our car so I asked about it,
I asked 'hey, did you carpool today?'
answer from the liar
um carpool, no, I've actually only carpooled twice in our car I think, ...blah blah and he went on elaborately telling me how he doesn't carpool, so after sneaking into his emails I found he doenst car pool, he goes on dates with a 27 year old women from work. we've been married for 18 years. Im 48 and he's 44. oh the lies.
Jess,
- faked leukemia
- faked a broken leg
- faked being raped
- was "addicted to weed" in 8th grade
- accused a guy of sexual assault because he turned her down.
I used to work with a woman that had to constantly one-up you any time she was in ears shot of a conversation. There was no point calling her out on it because she'd just deny and get offended, like any compulsive Liar. But essentially, if you mentioned a celebrity, she had met them. I think my favourite one she told me though had to be when I was listening to a song by Stevie Ray Vaughan. And she came up to me and said "I was at his last concert! I warned his helicopter pilot that the sky looked too foggy to fly in. But he didn't listen!"
So you heard it here first folks. If Stevie Ray Vaughan's helicopter pilot had listened to this random woman, he'd still be alive.
A friend of mine told me a girl at college "forced him" to have sex with her, then she got pregnant, then a month later she had a miscarriage when someone rear ended her.
Also he says he never pukes when he drinks and he can drink 30 beers. Yet every time we drink together he pukes after 8 beers.
Just a few of his many many lies.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:55:21 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He's quite prolific. I left a lot of things out. He lies about everything, Down to things that are impossible. We worked in a coal mine. The man supposedly had a doctor's note saying he's allergic to rock dust. Witnessed him punch a block of wood, not the little karate slats, until his hand swelled up.
The trouble was catching him up in one. He said he had pictures with Chuck, (this was the pre-Norris joke era), but his wife washed them with his clothes. Ruined them.
Once said that he'd been 'Forcibly detained against his will' at a mall (?) and was handcuffed to a folding chair because he'd mistakenly walked into an exit door. By the way, he's about 6'4", and weighs close to 300 lbs.
Said that he had an incurable disease that had never been heard of before, had no known treatment, stumped all his doctors, and remained unsolved (he was in his late 40's).
Once told me that he couldn't get dinner or coffee because of (yet another) disease. When I asked what on earth he was talking about, he said he was worried about "contamination". He then clarified and explained that it was concern that it was "cross contamination."
We didn't talk for about a year, and he said "I lost about 50 pounds, but then gained it back when I got sick." (both things occurring within the space of a year.)
Came to an art opening at a group of studios and berated one of the artists challenging her on every aspect of her work. It was bad enough that she had to tell him to leave her studio. She was a friend of mine. I asked him about this later, and he claimed he'd never seen her and had had a great day looking at artwork.
Said that nearly every doctor that had treated him had either misdiagnosed something, or gave him the wrong medication, or caused a condition to get worse.
In relation to all of the above, I wonder if his case isn't so much of compulsive lying as one of intense paranoia.
Edit: Formatting.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 14:18:55 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
People in Scotland called him lord ellon and he was rich over there and his grandmother was rich over here. Meanwhile he lived in a row home in central jersey and stole all his mother's money she gave him to pay for school in Princeton (which he pretended to go to for 2 years) and gambled it away in AC.
Oh and stole jewelry off his dying grandmother and gave it to his girlfriend and claimed he purchased it from his job at the jewelry store (which he was fired from for stealing).
All this while he constantly and relentlessly lies about being a professional watch maker and how he owned expensive watches. He was only 20 at the time.
He threw a throwing knife at a car while it was driving by, hit the tire and the car did a front flip. He threw a molotov at someones house. Beat up a convenience store owner with a bat. He was also a skinny little twig and 15 years old just to put into perspective
She lied about a bunch of shit but the worst lie was that she was molested and changed her stories several times and also that she had a miscarriage and she wasn't even pregnant. She was a piece of shit. Stopped being her friend in high school when she tried to steal my boyfriend. She was a master manipulator too. Over 10 years later and I still think about how awful she was and she probably still is an awful human.
I know I'm a little late, but around the 6th grade I met this boy,. So him and I met when we had to do a language arts project together. He seemed fairly normal at first, it started off with him showing me his shoes that were previously his cousins. He told me this stain on the side was blood from a fight his cousin got it. Him and I continue talking as we also sat together at lunch. He often told random obscure facts about his life not worth mentioning. Some of the things that are worth mentioning is, he's a Crip, killed many, many people, oh he lost his virginity at age 7, did a dude at age 9, often parties with hard drugs including cocaine, acid, and molly. He also has a new girlfriend, that nobody in the school has met, weekly. Around the eighth grade we stopped talking because we no longer had any classes together but he'd often approach me during recess or lunch and tell me about his recent drug usage. After middle school I never saw him again, but I hope he's having fun partying with drugs, women, and gang members!
The most ridiculous one I have heard is, "I got a dog when I was 7 and he lived until I was 42". When we started telling him that that was not possible he responded with, "Nevermind. I got the dog when I was 11." Oh, it lived to be 31. Alright, makes much more sense.
This weird dude(I stayed away from him because he was so weird) Told me that he is God and the humans is his personal ant farm, and to tell you the truth, he is actually an atheist(so, an atheist who believes he is God), and that he was the 13th reincarnation of the doctor(Doctor Who), and he believed he has 4 personas(which all are linked to Batman/DC universe in some way), and that his house cancels/disregards the laws of physics. I would like to tell you more(I wish I was lying but I'm not) but it's too damn many to fit in one comment.
She broke her back over the summer holidays but it healed by the time school started that's why we didn't see the wheelchair
She was surfing far out in the ocean and seaweed got wrapped around her neck and she was under for 5 minutes before someone happened to swim by and save her
A joke that was made about her spread round the whole of our part of London and now her mum can't get a job because their name has been slated
Her sisters eyes change from blue to green to purple depending on her mood....The sister just have us a 'wtf' look when we asked her about it...
She can't comfort people when they cry because when her fiance died she didn't cry so can't understand others pain???? She's never had a boyfriend let alone a dead fiance sooo....
I'm sure there's 100s more that I've forgotten. Once you got over the fact that nearly every word was a lie she was cool to hang out with though
There was this guy I knew that got some time in jail for a minor drug offense. I didn't hear about him for a couple of months but when I met him he sure had a lot to tell me (lie to me).
Apparently in a couple of months (supposedly in a maximum security prison) he managed to:
Get in and out of several gangs because everybody wanted him.
Still managed to get stabbed 14 times even if had no scar in his body.
-His cell mate was a murderous psychopath that tattooed the names of all the people he had killed and had only about 10 cm of clean skin left so that when he dies his friends will tattoo his name.
-He was the only that this said psychopath considered a friend because he was the only one "tough enough" in the whole goddamned maximum security prison.
-Even though he had only a couple of months he helped some guys actually build an underground tunnel with only a motherfucking spoon.
When he finished I just told him "OK cool" and never talked to him again.
There's a person who does this all the time in our class in college. Let's call him by his nickname, Grimwood.
Apparently he is a DJ for gigs in Ibifa and other popular tourist destinations. He said during half term he's going to go out there and play a set. So now we call him DJ Grimwood.
We knew this nutty guy back in highschool and he'd say ridiculous things like:
I'm spiderman
I'm a demigod who can control lightening and generate wings out of lightning
I can speak parseltongue (he just had a lisp)
He said a bunch of bashit things (note that he was 17) and he at one stage brain washed my friend and I and almost convinced us to enter a polyamorous relationship with him (we were 15).
Pathological liar I know said he has gotten 3 holes in one golfing yet every time I play with him he shoots way over 100 for the round. Didn't have any witnesses any of the times either. Ya right buddy
Walked into the woods and a bear hugged him and an old native american lady approached him and told him he was special.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:14:59 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
When I was in middle school I new a girl that said she was Gerard way's (singer of my chemical romance) girlfriend's cousin. I don't know why no one ever googled it but we didn't. She would always tell us at school how Gerard and his girlfriend were at her house when we were at school but then after school when we'd be talking on the phone and ask if we could come over to meet him she'd be like "he left the house suuuuch a mess. My dad doesn't want anyone over."
She went on to say that she met and was really good friends with avenged sevenfold. I remember one time I was on the phone with her while she was waiting for her dad at his office and she said they were there. She would have full on conversations with them while on the phone to me. Like "oh my god (idk any of those guys' names) stop! You're gonna break something! Oh my god you guys are so funny!". When they werent there she would stop the phone conversation because "the singer of avenged sevenfold was on the other line"
In high school she went on to accuse her boyfriend of beating her. I hope that was another lie cause I grew up with him and personally don't think he could hurt a fly...but you really never know.
Also went to high school with a girl who said the rumored pervy teacher sexually assaulted her resulting in him being fired and not being able to run down the beach anymore cause all the kids would pelt sand balls at him. Maybe it did happen and I feel bad for thinking its a lie because that's the case with so many actual sexual abuse survivors, but she also went around telling everyone she has a helipad in her backyard because she has a rare disease in which she has to be flown by helicopter to Oahu (I live in Maui) every weekend....so kinda hard to believe ridiculous things that come out of her mouth.
My sister in law (let me add now I despise this woman for more reasons then just this) went down and told me her whole backstory about how her mother was abusive and she lived with her dad who was also abusive. She was in Juvie (this is the only part I know 100% is true as my father in law was the one who put her in there) and after she got out she moved to Utah where apparently she inherited over thousands of dollars after her grandpa died. She ended up putting it all in a bank and became a prostitute because she was broke and a druggie.
She then moved back up here, got knocked up/married to a guy who apparently was abusive and hooked up with my brother in law.
Now the story doesn't end there. Oh no! She told my brother in law about all this money she had in the bank. When they moved in together and started having trouble he asked her to have the money transferred. She was like 'Ok. I'll call the bank' The first time the bank froze her account because someone tried to hack into it and take the money, the next time it was froze again for the same reason, the third time it was back up but the systems were down, and the final time there had been a storm that wiped the computer systems. This was where my brother in law finally got his head out of his ass and decided to try and call this number she had been calling. Turns out it wasn't even a number for a bank. Gee, what a surprise.
She still occasionally spews bullshit to us but at this point my girlfriends family is fed up and just ignores it.
piloted his personal 747 to far flung destinations (Seychelles, Kazakhstan, Patagonia, etc) on the weekends
was a victim of severe color blindness, not even grey scale, just black or white
owned a 100% complete t-rex skeleton that he kept in a giant atrium attached to his secret Malibu home
accidentally sat on a needle infected with AIDS (not HIV) that was stuck into a movie theater seat, went to the hospital where he received an emergency AIDS vaccine that cured him
... among many other stories. My favorite, though, was this one:
He claimed one day when he was driving his Bugatti Veyron down PCH with a friend, he met a motorcycle cop stopped at a red light. The officer complemented him on his car and asked if he wanted to drag race. His friend tried talking him out of it, but the police officer assured them that he just wanted to see the car accelerate, and that he wouldn't ticket him. Convinced by the cop, he jammed on the accelerator when the light turned green. He got up to 199 mph when the cop finally pulled him over and issued him a $15,000 speeding ticket, and impounded the car. Luckily his dad was personal friends with Robert Shapiro, who was able to get him out of paying the ticket and got his car back. He then paid $1M to the CHP so he could have a "licence to speed" for the rest of his life.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:44:29 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend who would always make up the most stupid things like being offered a job at NASA, he raced NASCAR ect.
But the one that got me the most is when time a song came on the radio and he told me he represented someone in court and played that same song on his keyboard to the judge and he dismissed all charges. This was over 20 years ago and I still laugh thinking of it.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 16:45:11 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Boyfriend has this coworker and he constantly spits out bullshit. He told us that he was working at a subway store and this person would come in everyday and then one day this person gifted him a car by just leaving car keys on the counter with a note. That same day- the car needed gas and when he was pulling away out of the gas station, someone ran a red light and hit him going like 50 and totaled said car. Ugh- there's plenty more...like he used to work in a 4 star restaurant ( why are you working at a village inn now?) also that he has fucked over 400 women, ha yeah sure buddy.
This old veteran who went to my college claimed he was a math genius that proved Stephen Hawking wrong. Claimed he owned a direwolf. Claimed he rescued a Sultans's son and was made Sultan for a day because of it. Said he got to have all 20 of the girls in the royal harem.
I imagine this guy got brain damage from standing out in the middle of the dessert for 3 years.
On top of all that he was a gross pervert. Talked about burning a thong he found in his 15 year old niece's room and tried touching my friend after she gave him a ride home.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:15:12 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My father saw piglets that would eat the shit that dropped out of larger pigs they were following. He never mentioned anything about them taking turns shitting directly into each other's mouths.. This was on a beach in Haiti though. Azerbaijani factory pigs are apparently much more advanced.
I know a girl who told us again and again that she couldn't drink a lot and had to be careful about how much she drank because she had some sort of kidney problem. We had just met this girl at uni and didn't have any reason not to believe her. First red flag was after Easter break she came back and suddenly had her operation saying it had been pushed forward or something. Second red flag she asked us if we wanted to see the scars, she showed us her stomach and there was literally not a mark on there. Later that year we were drinking and this girl suddenly crouched down and started coughing (because her drunk friend was refusing to go to bed) she the demands several times that we call an ambulance. We oblige because as far as we know this girl has recently had surgery or whatever. Paramedics come and are being quite rude to us for calling them so I tell them she just had an operation. Girl admits it never happened. Was sufficiently awkward. Obviously cut ties with the girl after several such lies.
Wish I'd got to this thread earlier... I live across the hall from a compulsive liar. I swear, every second thing that comes out of his mouth is bullshit. One from today:
-He and his colleagues at a well-known pub in my city were bored, so they decided to nail a chopping board to a wall and have a knife throwing competition, during which the manager came in and had a laugh about it.
Some others:
-At any given time, he seems to tell me he has at least a pound of weed, in his room (we live somewhere where there's regular security). Once he pretended to be smoking a joint, I tried it and it was just a cigarette, he blamed this on his sister who apparently rolled it and put '0.5%' in.
-He has a pony, a horse, a 'small satellite' that he actually owns, and a £6000 watch (among other things) but cant afford to live somewhere better
-He also makes stuff up about a girl we both know, claims she asked to shag him for a pack of cigarettes, etc. , which I put at a 0.000001% chance
Had this friend who 100% believed the irrational things she was saying. Antonio Bandaras started calling her because he was having trouble with his wife, Melanie Griffith. He would call for her advice nearly every night. Then John Travolta started calling as well. News must have got around that she is a celebrity whisperer because George Clooney then started. When I tell you she truly truly believed this, I mean she really recounted entire conversations. She is smart, has a good job, is married, and owns a home.
Had this one asshole co-worker who claimed to have worked at the only 7-star hotel in the world. I don't buy that for a second. He got removed from the site I'm at for leaving 3 hours before he was supposed to and not informing our boss.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 09:00:01 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
A girl I worked with said she couldn't come to work becuase people would kill her if she left the house. She came in the next day becuase they obviously forgot they were going to kill her.
I've banged married girls a few times and I've been caught so I was scared as hell for like a week and they were just going to beat me up. That's bad.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:07:30 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Called me on the phone crying and telling me her mom had just died, which is something she apparently did to other people like 5 times in the past
Told me she had blood cancer and was going in for chemo every week, but her hair wasn't falling out because it was a "different kind" of chemo
Said that Tyler Joseph from Twenty One Pilots was her brother, youtuber BajanCanadian was also her brother, and that Olan Rogers was her second or third cousin or whatever
I know someone who was told by her that she personally knows the lead singer of Hedley and that he drove her to school every morning (????????)
EDIT: I knew another person who told me that she got high when she was like 10 because someone sprinkled cocaine on her popcorn at the movie theatre.
A bit late to the party but whatever.
I know one compulsive liar and he's told plenty of unbeliavable stories but only two come to mind at the moment.
1. He told me he killed a shark using only a piece of metal while on a schooltrip, in Spain
2. His 20 year old sister was an Air Force pilot
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 09:40:19 on June 24, 2016 · (Permalink)
The day after I turned 21 I hung out with my group of friends and drank. I told them all the story of how I got upset when I went to the liquor store and they didn't ID me. I practically asked the guy to. Everyone laughed we kept drinking blah blah.
One of my best friends bdays is a few weeks after mine. He threw a party and told that exact same story...to the exact same group of friends. They all just nodded at me like 'we know, just let it slide, it's his bday'
I don't know her any more, but a girl I was friends with in school once told me she met Orlando Bloom in the headmasters office. (This is when Lord of the Rings came out in the cinema). She used to lie about all sorts of things and I could tell this was no different, but she got so offended when I called her out on it and said that because I was her friend I was supposed to believe everything she said.
That she tripped while holding a kitchen knife, accidentally stabbing herself, so she called her cousin who's a doctor to come over and patch her up so her parents wouldn't find out (for whatever reason), so he inserted a piece of plastic into her side (because obvi) but couldn't use anesthesia while he did it because it would be illegal (great), and here grabs my hand roughly and pushes it against her side you can even feel it if you feel around enough.
Other things she claimed happened to her but definitely didn't:
She's been mugged;
during track practice on her run someone tried to kidnap her, prompting the police to be called when a coach overheard her telling this to her friends at practice;
she got a black eye when she tried to make peace with her "boy toy's" crazy ex-gf and she ended up punching her, giving her the opportunity to apply blue and purple eyeshadow to fake a bruise and wear sunglasses excessively;
any time she received a text from previously mentioned "boy toy", which was actually just text from herself that she added as his contact info (back when you could do this easily with non-smart phones).
I could write a novel about all her lies. They were infuriating at the time when I finally realized they were all lies, but endlessly entertaining for me now to reminisce upon.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:38:46 on June 25, 2016 · (Permalink)
This boy that I used to go to school with told my whole lunch table that "My sister and I had this family friend, and we crawled inside of his ribs" This was a kid that couldn't tell you what country he lived in.
I don't think I was a compulsive liar, but I used to tell lies all the time and didn't even realize how crazy they sounded until now. Just incase someone I know from real life reads this, I'll only be listing two.
-I was writing songs and one of the ones I wrote my cousin saw who gave to his friend, a producer, who happened to be Lady Gaga's producer and I told my friend that Lady Gaga decided to sing and have my song produced. (I was in middle school .)
-When I slept with my eyes closed, I could see through my eyelids and see everything perfectly, like I had a superpower and described what things looked like with my eyes closed.
I still cringe looking back at the mountains of lies I told people and how they actually believed me because we were all so young. The lying started at the beginning of my life through freshman year of highschool before I stopped. Unfortunately as a result I now have major trust issues since I lied so much, I think everyone's lying to me. It sucks, but I'm glad I'm not stupid enough to lie like that anymore.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:11:06 on June 26, 2016 · (Permalink)
This girl I knew in high school was and still is a compulsive liar, but is in denial about it. Just a few things she'd tell people, dead serious and insistent:
there's an alternate dimension in her swimming pool (she didn't have a pool at the time)
her dad is a spy (her dad is dead so this one's kinda sad)
she has an enslaved incubus demon in her closet that gets her pregnant every night, and the demon baby crawls out and leaves through the window before dawn (what the actual fuck)
she once killed a homeless man with an inch long pocket knife and buried the body in her back yard (we don't have homeless people around here afaik, rural religious area where everybody knows everybody, so unless he hitchhiked idk)
she broke her neck twice and lived with no health problems (the only semi normal lie I remember her trying to get people to believe)
I imagine she has an undiagnosed mental disorder, but afaik she doesnt think so and hasn't gotten checked out. She's trashy as hell nowadays so we don't talk much.
So he is 26 has 3 Computer degrees and served in the military. His squads car was blown up by an IED which is why he was discharged and had a knee brace. That story then changed to him getting in to a 200 mile per hour crash in a Ferrari. Then it became he was discharged for shooting a guy in the face with a whole clip of his pistol for raping some chick on base in Kansas. He also has hacked so many credit card accounts he keeps 9 iPhones with service but uses a Shitty tracphone because hacking. He also knows that Pluto was designated a planet again.
When he tried to convince me C# and C++ were the same language I just kinda walked away.
Very ugly girl. (sorry but just ew inside and out)
claims shes had pastic surgery and a boob job.
finally someone called he rout and asked if she ever got her money back.
First year of college
I'm the liar in this case. And this was about a decade ago.
I was born in New Mexico, lived mostly in California, but lived in Maryland for a while. I had no clue what New Mexico was like. I imagined it was all cemeteries like when Scooby-Doo went to Mexico to investigate the chupacabra.
Anyway, in 4th grade I convinced a kid I was turned into a vampire in New Mexico and wore sunscreen during to day so I could go to school, but I totally sucked blood at night. Turns out he told his little brother, they ended up having nightmares over it, told my teacher and I got a talking to about lying.
I have a friend, who we'll call J, had lied too much. And the thing that annoys me the most, is that I have no way of disproving it. Even though it's obviously fake.
J has said things like he had a full time job, at the age of 12. No one hires anyone younger that 14 in Australia.
He says he hangs out with the a runner-up from the show big brother, Skye. Adding on to that, he says she was actually the winner and they made a mistake. Idk where he got that information, but it was a lie.
J had said he had gotten a part time job that pays $30 an hour. It's a fucking donut shop.
He says he drinks alcohol, even though he's 15 now.
He says he has never not had a girlfriend and has sex at least 100 times a year. Adding on to that, his apparent gf is apparently 19 and apparently has DDs.
The first time he kissed someone who wasn't related to him, he was 2 years old.
J says he has over $10,000 in his bank account and, another thing about Skye, he says he's dated her and SHE asked HIM.
He said he used his own money to rent out a 5-star hotel.
He says next year, he's buying his own house and is going to have kids with his current gf
Those are just some of the lies he tells me everyday. I just wish I could one day prove everything he said was a lie
Edit: He says he proposed to his gf. Again, he's 15
I knew a girl who would lie all the time. I understood why she was short, fat, pasty, dumb and she thought her pretty boy husband was hotter than the sun's core. I figured out ahe was a compulsive liars and told my two other friends and we would each talk to her and them swap her lie stories. They would never ever be the same. (I.e.) One of my frined had gotten a purple butterfly tattoo and compulsive girl tells her that her sister has the exact same purple butterfly tatoo. So I said "Oh really?! Can you show it to me?!" She couldn't produce squat. Another example was one of my friends and I would talk about our bf's and how they were our first blah blah. She butts into our conversation and says she was a virging too before her husband. The day of her wedding she was already 4 mo pregnant, I don't know why she even thought we would forget that. Fast forward 3 years, drunk her blurts she was never a virgin in my face. I was more confused to why she shouted that at me out of nowhere; instead of being more shocked that she wasnt a virgin.
I spent 3 years of high school with a compulsive liar in my social circle. It felt like she embellished or straight out lied every time she opened her mouth. This girl concocted an elaborate "boyfriend" for herself that we ALL knew was imaginary, but she WOULD NOT LET IT GO. She was an only child with a disabled parent so I'm guessing she didn't get a lot of personal attention but it was insane the amount of desperate lies she told. She kept one going for three years straight.
So she claimed she had a boyfriend named "Cory". Every conversation we had, she would find a way to name drop Cory somehow. "Oh, I love that band; Cory got us backstage passes once!" "I won't be watching that tv show this weekend; Cory is taking me skiing." Every school dance would be prefaced by weeks of her telling us how excited Cory was to come with her, how cute he was, how we'd all love him, etc, but then when I showed up at the dance she'd run right over and say "Cory got really sick/had to work/etc" to explain why this Unicorn of a boyfriend never materialized. We managed the varsity baseball team together, which means I spent the whole season stuck in a dugout with her, listening to every long complicated "Cory" scenario she could come up with. Among the winners:
-She and Cory went away together overnight almost every weekend
-Cory was a guitar player who had jammed with Pearl Jam (this was the 90s) and they asked him to join the band
-Cory's dad was in the CIA so he was in a super secret private school that no one could know the name of; that's why she couldnt tell us what school he went to
- She had to be home at a certain time every night (totally normal for a teenager to have a curfew,right?) but it was because Cory came over every single night to make sure she got home safe and would be angry if she was late
-She and Cory were secretly engaged, and Cory had already put a down payment on her engagement ring
-she told an elaborate story about when they lost their virginity together, involving a fancy hotel, candles, roses, and him proposing to her beforehand. Of course she had like 17 orgasms.
-She got pregnant all the damn time and every time Cory was "thrilled" and went right out and bought a zillion things for their baby. Once a month or two passed she would invariably claim she'd had a miscarriage and "nearly died."
I felt incredibly sorry for her because not a single person believed her for a second. She just kept trudging on and on in the swamp of lies. I finally changed schools, but asked a mutual friend about her years later and learned she was still lying about everything, to anyone who would listen. It was very sad. It was like watching a train wreck in super slow-mo.
One time I went to the lake with my cousin, her, and my parents, and she wanted to leave like, ASAP, so she told us to get out of the lake.
My cousin didn't want to and I was totally confused because we literally got in two minutes ago and counting...
She then proceeded to get mad and told us if we didn't get out now the Lochness Monster would eat us alive.
I was a smart little nine year old, and quickly shouted back "That's in Ireland or whatever!" but it scared the crap out of my cousin so bad she ran out screaming...
Another time I was down in the live-in basement with the same cousin and we were playing Club Penguin.
My great Aunt came stomping down the stairs, proceeded to scream at us for playing on the computer, cut the powercord with scissors nearby and stared me down with a deranged look saying "We don't play on the internet, that's the devil's game". Then told us we had to play upstairs.
Saw her a few years back while walking my dog.
She nearly ran me and my mom over before she pulled to the curb and rolled down the window to say hello to us.
We responded with a brief hello back, but upon seeing how deranged and glazed over her eyes were, we left rather quickly...
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:34:15 on September 28, 2016 · (Permalink)
I can't think of any super weird stories another compulsive liar has told me, but as a compulsive liar, I've spewed some pretty odd ones myself.
Once, in elementary school, I told a very naïve friend of mine that I went to a top secret wizarding school (Harry Potter much?) that I wasn't meant to tell anyone about. She believed me too.. (kind of funny though, I actually started practicing actual witchcraft recently)
She hated me for a while after she found out I was lying.
Later on that year, I also told her I was a secret agent. That one took some convincing, but again, she believed it.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:43:37 on September 29, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've remembered one that a friend told me.
He said he was best friends with the YouTuber Markiplier and that they had dated for three years, but they broke up because my friend was underage and they didn't want to get in trouble.
I have a friend who geniunely believe that beer was made from mashed bumblebees. This misconceptions probably came from the fact that the word for "hop" and the word for "bumblebee" are similair in Swedish
"Humle" and "Humla"
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 10:41:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know a friend who claimed she lost her virginity drunk at a party. She bragged it to everyone. Later, in a truth circle, she admitted she had lied for attention.
Used to work at walmart with a guy that claimed to be a veteran, and needed his wheel hair, BUT would fold up his wheelchair and put it in his trunk and then walk to his car, unassisted and with ease. Wheelchairs are heavy as fuck dude.
He also claimed that he and his wife were going to get a HUGE settlement from the Vet that let their kitty chew through wires and die.
Also that heven and his wife were super rich and just working so they didn't have to pay for medical insurance and had something to do each day.
Had a cousin named Damien who partied with Ozzy Osborne (we were really into black sabbath). I had msn messenger conversations with Damien. Then one day a couple of us mention Damien to his father and his father says ''Who?''
Fast forward to college. He apparently told his roommate and his girlfriend that he was a sleeper agent for the KGB. He would have fake Russian conversations on his phone. He showed them a scar on his arm and said it was from a cigarette burn during training.
Well, she didn't tell ME this per se...but she does tell this story:
"I landed under sniper fire..."
Oh, and this one too:
"I was named for Sir Edmund Hillary... (who didn't become famous until 'she' was five years old)."
Another? A video on Youtube "was responsible for the attack on our embassy."
One more: "We were flat broke" when we left the White House.
Oh, she's a gift that never stops giving, I tell you!
Odkin · 1 points · Posted at 17:05:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a lady who insisted some terrorists who had meticulously plotted and assault on a sovereign American consulate, were really just spontaneously protesting a YouTube video. And then she had the YouTuber arrested! Can you believe it? And even though she knew the terrorists were able to successfully attack because of her own ineptitude and failures, she had her friends actually lie on TV about the YouTube thing! What a bitch!
There was a girl in my 7th or 8th grade class that told me that she was born too early so the doctors had to shove her back inside her mom until she was ready to be born again.
When I was apart of a musical in college one of the stage hands and makeup people was absolutely a pathological liar. She told a large quantity of definite lies but one of the more interesting was her talking about the job she used to have before she came to the U.S. (she told us she moved to the U.S. from Great Britian 3 years ago. despite having no accent. And being from the southern part of England. From the city of York. (York is not in the south of England)) She was a model for Victoria Secret working with one of the best lingerie agents. (She has a stocky frame, so red flag number 1. she had a low level of personal hygiene, yellowing teeth and frayed hairs, red flag number 2.) My favorite red flag, when asked the name of the agent. she said he was called Johnny Nickerbottom.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:17:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So I have known several of these people in my life. My first job was at a paintball field and one of my co-workers, Kyle, was always telling ridiculous and huge lies. They were always pretty easy to catch him in and after a few months whenever he started talking I either walked away or immediately tuned him out. Some of his varied lies include. This incredibly hot girl he is dating that when he shows us a photo of her has website logo or url on the bottom. His awesome Lambo or Porsche he is about to get that has a cursor on the image. His military background, but he cannot correctly identify any firearm or know any military jargon. His time playing semi pro baseball, however he does not know what WHip(Walks+Hits per innings pitched) is. How he knows a bunch of professional paintball players and practices with them regularly. The teams he named are hundreds of miles away. How he was banned from competitive level paintball events for being "to good" which is not possible due to organizational rules. He has many and various other lies all of which are easy to debunk and become increasingly ridiculous.
Person number two is my old AP Chemistry teacher. who when questioned about his personnel life would always give a different answer to how many kids he had, if he was married, and other things like that. I am pretty sure he did it as a form of entertainment and to mess with some high school kids who all thought we were smarter than we are.
The last one I will talk about is a former boss who has made up things like being dishonorably discharged from the marines for beating up a fellow soldier for harassing a woman at a bar. Being suspended from being a Sheriff for whatever bullshit reason he told me. Not being able to give me my check on time due to the company not sending the check when he really used the money to buy a new car. He also has various other lies that just make me angry to think about because they all inevitably ended with either me not getting paid or him failing to return something he borrowed.
Edit: Kyle boasted to be an amazing pitcher.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 05:39:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
She was the general manager of a Michelin starred restaurant, a master sommelier, a boat captain, a model, and was in law school.. At the age of 19.
4th grade. Kid said he paid for his parents wedding including the limo, Also said he was getting laid on the regular. Much more I will try to remember and post here.
I was in the Army and had a detail where I was placed in charge of soldiers who were on extra duty for various infractions.
One soldier had tested positive for coke during a drug analysis. I knew this beforehand but I asked him about why he was in trouble and what he had learned from the whole ordeal.
It was pretty obvious that he wasn't all there to begin with. He'd show up with a mismatched uniform and could just never get his shit together. Anyway, he began to tell me the story about how it wasn't his fault he failed the drug test.
He said that he went home and leave and his dad was giving him a ride in a new convertible his family had bought. During said car ride, they came up on another car who apparently thought they were cops. The car sped off trying to lose them and then proceeded to throw a large quantity of coke out of the window. The coke basically exploded into a big cloud over the road and they drove right through it in the convertible. Thus inhaling all the cocaine which led to a failed urinalysis.
I knew this one guy that said he could give everyone free health care without a huge increase in tax burden. Turns out, his "plan" had an $18 trillion shortfall over the first 10 years.
Course, in context, it wasn't his most egregious lie.
I wonder what makes you think I don't know exactly what US health care spending is. And, realizing that I do, I wonder why you think that knowledge would result in a change of worldview.
Now sure how buying Bernie's blatant bullshit is going to make anything better - perhaps especially considering the weight of its extra costs.
ccopyy · 1 points · Posted at 07:55:19 on June 29, 2016 · (Permalink)
I apologize for giving you the benefit of the doubt - I assumed that if you knew how much the US spends on healthcare currently, you'd be able to wrap your head around the fact that his plan won't cost much more.
Again, sorry about that! I won't over estimate your ability to comprehend math at anything above WaPo-headline-soundbite level.
He told al kinds of things. That he was going to change the world, that he quit smoking weed, that he was much more positive then he really was fatty weed smoking gamer jurking off all day
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 11:14:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 12:32:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He was my best friend. As in we went to preschool together, and only ever remembered being friends through high school. We lived in a dorm together for freshman year of college, and then in a house with another friend sophomore year. In those two year, he would pretend to go to class and study, all the normal college stuff. During our Junior year, he met a girl and became very distant. I talked to his brother and found out that he never went to class, and took and failed the first 3 classes he took his freshman year and failed out of college... To live with someone who had books for other classes... would "study", talk about other classes he was "taking", was really fucked up. He was the nicest guy to everyone, but to hide a second life like that was really fucked up. He is now married with 2 kids and from what I gather, still as fake as he ever was.
tl:dr Never was told a story, found out from friends bother that he had been keeping a second life a secret.
This thread actually makes me wonder if people think that I am a compulsive liar. I'm not, but I have lots of weird stories and things about me people (understandably) have trouble believing.
I had a friend a few years ago who was like everyone else written about here, was in on classified info, owned exoctic animals, parents were robots, had sex with many women/alien women etc.but there is one that really stood out
When he was 15 he and his gf was at a friends house making two couples, i was surprised he told me this because I know all four people involved so he could have been busted anytime.
anyway they had managed to get beer from somewhere so were all stupidly drunk out back on the swingset when one of them had the idea to get naked, obviously they all got naked.
After a while and lots of alcohol they were reaching the point when peeing is the only thing that matters so instead of going inside they find a bucket to piss in, one of the girls even has a shit in it.
Sounds great right? So the neighbour gets home from work or wherever and see 4 drunk teenagers naked shitting in a bucket and as the only responsible adult trys to reason with them to go inside and get dressed, drunken teenagers dont like this and throw the piss/shit combination at the neighbour.
Everyone he tells this story to simply sit and nod staring blankly until he stops no one ever picks out points to argue or brings it up again because we're sick of his bullshit
Turns out its COMPLETELY TRUE it came up just last year during a game of I have never and was confirmed by everyone and unless they came to an agreement to keep the lie going together I have no reason to doubt the other people as none are friends with the lier anymore
maybe there are some army trained ninja pimps out there
Not that invested in writing he whole story but long story short.
Driving down a rural highway, hostage situation needs his help so they deputized him and have him a riffle. Luckily there was a police sniper lying down on top of the roof of the van. He took the shot so he didn't have to get to involved.
This guy also says he washes his feet in formaldehyde because they stink so much. I asked him where he gets it from and he says "oh, I k ow a guy in red deer"
This boy in my junior high.
He was 93 percent Cherokee.
He had a racecar that he totaled in a race.
He killed and skinned bears and cougars with his bare hands.
Was a black belt.
His older brother (who wasn't real) was a marine corps sergeant in Iraq.
And I'm sure I could list more.
But to expound he twice got the shit beat out of him even though he bragged about being a black belt.
THere was this one guy in my Air Cadet Camps whose first story was that he gutted a wolf with a knife and we froze when trying to shoot it as killed his friend.
At first i beleived him but his stories got out of control.
He always busted a drug ring at his school and was infiltrating another big one with this to mexico, he always was a junior horse racer, judge and served a member of the MPs.
There were some other stories but his most recent when I saw him was his uncle bought him a $200,000 race horse and he was now a junior international horse racer.
My friend in elementary school once told me that he had developed a system that could accurately predict volcanic eruptions around the globe. He told me this in hushed whispers away from everyone else, as he was afraid volcanologists would learn about his idea and steal the credit.
this legit just happened yesterday. well, the story starts on Saturday, but the compulsive lying culminated yesterday:
On Saturday morning, i wake up to a text message from one of my cousins. First, there's a picture he sent at 3:14 AM of a bloody, bandaged wrapped leg along with the caption, "yo cuz, i got shot." my initial reaction (to myself) was "here we go again" but after realizing the negative connotation that sends, i decided to play the concerned route. now, i should preface that by saying 2 things -
1. i was out of town for an annual weekend long Fathers Day celebration. i really didn't want to play detective from 125 miles away from home.
2. i logged onto FB and saw that he had posted the same pic, and basically the same caption there.
clearly not life threatening, i guess you just want to tell the story. cool. i'll play the game. i text back "huh? wtf happened? where were you?" now, this wasn't one of those "i see your message and don't want to talk so i'll just text back in 14 hours and say my phone was dead" replies, i literally text him back within 2 minutes of receiving his text. of course, no reply. the rest of the day comes and goes without any more communication to or from him, which i was perfectly fine with. Sunday comes and goes with the same story.
enter Monday. i wake up to yet another text message saying "call." that's it. no noun, no please, not even a "me." just "call." ignoring the pet owner undertone the message carried, i gave him a ring. no answer. maybe 3 hours later, as im driving home, i get the return call. i'm just pulling up at home after a long drive and longer weekend, and honestly the last thing i really wanted to hear was a sob story (now, i realize that im coming off as semi ass-holish, but this isn't the first time we've been down this road, and like i said, he made a spectacle about it on FB, so things can't be too bad). well, lucky for me, i didnt jump straight into a sob story. this fucker threw a curveball. first words out his mouth? "yo cuz, you got some money? i need to borrow a cpl dollars..."
insert stale face here
and this is where we begin to go downhill. trying to stay civil and hide my annoyance, i ignored money questions for the first 5 minutes. every attempt at me trying to get to the bottom of the story of him getting shot fell flat on its face. realizing i was getting nowhere (but not quite smart enough yet to hang up the phone) i ask how much he needs. i get the typical, gear-grinding answer: "i mean, how much you got?"
after 10 minutes of trying to explain why i dont have a insurmountable stash of loaner cash laying around, and telling him that i would check my account and see what i could do, we finally got somewhere, which is where i thought we were going when he called.
he finally starts talking about getting shot. in the most skewed, nom-chronological, tarantino-esque way possible. i'm almost certain he started the story in the middle and ended at the beginning. the irrelevant details are as follows: gf driving car, gets mad at guy double parked and tries to go around him. cars end up colliding. dude double parked is drug dealer. says dont call cops (for obvious reasons). cousin calls cops (for obvious reasons). find out gf isnt on insurance, so car isnt covered. minor argument ensues. next day (apparantly) cousin notices car following him. waves the car ahead, and pulls to shoulder to let him pass.
this is where shit gets dicey.
cousin says he got out the car after he pulled over (why?) and as he's stepping out, dude behind him opens car door and lets off "at least 6 shots" at the car that my cousin and his 2 year old son were in.
i'd be skeptical of all of this had he not had a hole in his calf. but of course it gets better.
after he gets this story out, and as im preparing to highlight the more noticeable holes in his swiss cheese story, he tells me he's on his way to my house with his son (presumably to pick up the money i havent yet told him he could borrow). i say ok and he hangs up. then i laid on the couch and went to sleep. now, most of you are probably thinking "you are an asshole. who takes a nap when they have company on the way?" and i couldn't agree more. except for the fact that i moved 3 months ago and he doesn't know where i live. i know this because i never told him, and even if he knew the general area from context, he didn't know the exact address.
now, that last tidbit is generally unimportant, or so i thought, until about 3 hours later. i wake up from my nap and had just missed a phone call from him. thinking he'd call back, i wait for my phone to ring. what i wasnt expecting was the VM he left me. i listen to the message and he's panting (although it sounds forced) and out of breath. in the message he tells me about how he was around the corner from my house, and these same people popped up out the clear blue and started shooting at him and his son again.
-_-
he proceeds to send me 2 text messages asking me for help. i didn't even register that at first. i was still stuck on the blatant disrespect. how were you around the corner from a house that you don't know exists? the answer i got from this question? "i dont know cuz, i just know i was near you."
at this point im fuming. i call him to see what's going on, and the only thing he wanted to talk about was borrowing money. not about almost losing his (and his child's) life for the 2nd time in 4 days. not about how, in the midst of all this the cops had only been notified about the accident and not the shootings, and the fact that the car didnt have any bullet holes in it. not about any of the (seemingly) relevant shit that just happened. after about 15 more minutes of trying to force feed me bullshit about these assassination attempts, i finally lost it.
spewing profanities
tell him i gotta go, as im hanging the phone up, he says, "yea, so what about that money?"
tl;dr - my cousin got shot (which is actually true) and spent 3 days crafting impossible stories about how/why it happened to try and get my to sympathetically loan him money against my better judgement.
I was on a cruise and I met this girl that we'll call Ace because I don't want to fucking die
Ace was either a compulsive liar, a narcissist, or hilarious because this perfectly normal Asian girl said, among other things, that she was from a family of trained mercenaries and that the training that she underwent gave her a lot of mental disorders
Because we were in the teens club on the boat there was naturally some drama and by the end of it all she had us wrapped around her fucking finger saying things like "why aren't you paying as much attention to me as her" etc. etc.
One of these days I'm going to tell this story and mysteriously disappear
The sad thing is some people actually believed her. For sake of story we'll call her A.
A has a best friend Mary (who didn't have a last name) who would come over to her house every Tuesday and Thursday. A essentially tricked this boy into "going out with Mary" But Mary didn't have a phone so she had to use A's phone whenever she came over and couldn't come see boy because her leg was broken. But Mary was totally at the football game and was just too shy to say hi to her boyfriend. Mary was also totally at the homecoming but when she went up to say hi to boy he couldn't hear her over the music. She got so sad because of this that she ran to the bathroom crying and demanded to leave. It took him way to long to figure out that she was just using this to sext with him basically and that Mary was not real.
She had both Brain and Breast cancer and that's why "OMG all the guys are staring at my boobs because the cancer made them bigger."
That her and I had sex apparently.
OLOTM · 0 points · Posted at 21:03:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I can't help but wonder how many of these are made up about a fictitious compulsive liar.
Lol I like to tell crazy stories for fun, not really lie but like "big fish" stories. My favorite is how I went hunting and a bear charged me from the bushes that I didn't see. I shot and hit him but it didn't do anything but pissed him off. I climbed a tree and was a foot away from it swiping it's massive claws, it swiped so hard that it cut a 5 inch thick branch clean off. I had a machete at the time and with 1 big and lucky swing, hit it in the head right between the eyes splitting it's head open, it dropped and rolled around before dieing... another one is how I killed a gator with a golf club, was golfing and hit a ball into water, was trying to scoop it out and a gator snapped onto the end of it and broke it off leaving a pointy edge, so I stuck it in the eye ball straight to the brain killing it instantly.. lol
Some dude I worked with in my teens would always talk some bullshit. I don't remember his name, but I remember these lies, because they were ridiculous.
He claimed he was a professional snowboarder, sponsored by Rossignol. I asked why he was working a shitty fast food job if he was a professional snowboarder. He then said that he broke both of his femurs and his knees basically reversed doing a backflip a couple of weeks ago, so he couldn't snowboard for a while, and needed the money. I should mention I live in the flattest place on earth, and the nearest mountain is like 2 days drive away, so he wouldn't be able to snowboard for 8 months of the year anyway. He also said this happened a couple of weeks prior, yet was fully functional and would often run around and climb on stuff.
He later got wedgied by another employee, and his underwear had a massive, moist looking shit stain, like he had just shit his pants a bit (well, kind of a lot) He then just walked out of the restaurant and never came back.
He has to work full time to support his family while also attending school, but also owns a sports car which he spends most of his time modifying and maintaining, but he was also pulled over and had his license taken away temporarily (!!) for going 150 mph in a residential area.
He also had both his knees shot out and now has artificial ones. In addition, he has survived being shot point blank with a 12 gauge. I'm glad he did, else the world might be deprived of his great and many talents.
I once read a Reddit thread where shitloads of compulsive liars came up with some of the most ridiculous stories all to prove that they knew the worst liars imaginable. Pretty crazy shit right there.
My ex was a charismatic but compulsive liar. Lots of his lies was just embellishing an already good story. Sometimes he lied about little dumb stuff where there was no benefit at all - didn't make a story more interesting, didn't make him look better (his usual motivation), didn't do or add anything.
I suppose he lied sometimes to entertain himself. Worst part for me is that not only did I not mind his compulsive lying, but I found it interesting why he did it. Over the years I could recognize when he was lying but not always.
I trusted him. I thought the compulsive lying was to entertain his brilliant mind. I was suspicious of the amount of times he went out to gay bars or clubs on gay night. He said he went for the music & I believed him.
One day my friends were all in the park. Him and some girls ran off. We didn't know where they went and after searching for them, one of the girls came sprinting towards us saying how he had sliced open his wrists to make a blood offering to the gods. He is probably severely mentally ill.
Have a lady at work who is constantly lying to us. She has told us that she...
Is a qualified mechanic
Worked at st John's for like ages
Dairy farmer
Salmon farmer
Professional hunter
Professional Irish dancer
Pole dancer
Had a 8cm fish bone stuck in her throat for 3 years
Hand feeds eels in the sea regularly
Caught 23 snapper in 1 hour
Had a cat catch fire in her car
Had a cat in her engine bay twice
Lives in a warehouse and has party's with the people who live in the warehouses next door.
Spent $2000 in a bar with one friend in An hour
Was in an incubator for 18 months
Eats quickly cos she was feed through a tube for those 18 months
Has slow emotional development that's why she can see dead people
Her sisters place has been robbed 6 times in a year
Has hunting trophy's for bow kills
Plus many many more
One guy told me.. "I will build a great wall. And nobody does walls better than me. Very inexpensively. I will build a great, great wall on our southern border and I will have Mexico pay for that wall."
Zeruvi · -1 points · Posted at 10:41:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted] · -4 points · Posted at 12:56:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was offered sex with a 13 year old girl today. In exchange for that, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined because I am a person with high moral standards with a strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available with scented lemon or vanilla at your nearest drug and convenience store. Act now and save $1.50 off your next purchase. Batteries not included.
[deleted] · -12 points · Posted at 10:14:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Saved comment
batmanthony · 6444 points · Posted at 10:19:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The Air Force let his dad keep his jet fighter when he retired and would drop him off at the school's secret landing strip. This was junior year of high school.
Desertman123 · 4196 points · Posted at 12:43:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Is it a school for the deaf?
thats_satan_talk · 1575 points · Posted at 13:35:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Deaf people impervious to vibrations?
sunkzero · 1367 points · Posted at 15:00:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
burgerwithcheese · 420 points · Posted at 15:49:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ah yes. My favorite queens of the stone age album.
ShoalinStyle36 · 34 points · Posted at 19:12:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is WOMB, The Womb And if you, my pets, learn to listen I'll let you crawl back in Here is something you should drop to your knees for and worship But you're too stupid to realize yourselves A song for the Deaf, that is for you...
BatteriesInc · 22 points · Posted at 20:35:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hey, it's Kip Casper on KLON radio. LAs infinite repeat!
ShoalinStyle36 · 26 points · Posted at 20:52:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
How we feeling out there? How's your drive time commute? I need a saga, what's the saga? It's songs for the deaf, you can't even hear it
[deleted] · 9 points · Posted at 23:55:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
sick guitar riff
SimpleSimian · 5 points · Posted at 05:08:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
screaming
WtotheSLAM · 5 points · Posted at 10:56:37 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Gimme toro, gimme some more...
lordcookies · 3 points · Posted at 08:53:50 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
starts one of the best albums in the history of music
Mal-Capone · 2 points · Posted at 08:39:05 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
-Spanish-
ShoalinStyle36 · 2 points · Posted at 20:07:44 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Metal Heavy, SOft at the CORE
Odowla · 3 points · Posted at 22:20:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You know there's a secret track? Track 0.
Johnlocke101 · 10 points · Posted at 02:29:23 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Buenas tardes señores y señoritas, aqui esta el DJ Hector Bonifacio Echeberría Cervantes de la Cruz Arroyo ROJAS!
tenchu11 · 8 points · Posted at 20:56:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You can't even hear it!!!!!
SimpleSimian · 7 points · Posted at 05:15:06 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
KRDL, Curdle 109: We spoil music for everyone. baby crying
smack Shut up you little brat.
lordcookies · 2 points · Posted at 08:55:21 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Curdle Death Metal - All the time. Allthetiiime.
JiberybobX · 3 points · Posted at 00:07:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Welp, that's what I get for YouTubing that
Edit: That being said A song for the dead is pretty good.
SuperUnknown231 · 3 points · Posted at 22:00:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
KLONKLONKLON
Nixnilnihil · 2 points · Posted at 22:07:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
F
ZachAttrax · 1 points · Posted at 22:46:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
U
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 16:55:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Next acrade installment, huh.
Ackwardness · 3 points · Posted at 17:57:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
High School of the Dead? NSFW
TheTrueKitKat · 2 points · Posted at 18:42:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Was hoping for anything remotely NSFW. Link says there's nothing on the page...
StormRider2407 · 2 points · Posted at 16:35:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I smell a sitcom!
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 19:02:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
SSHHHHHHH! Don't give R.L. Stine any more ideas!
hello_worrld · 1 points · Posted at 18:43:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dead people impervious to vibrations?
kickasserole · 1 points · Posted at 19:28:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yes, and most of them are walking. To school.
bachwasbaroque · 3 points · Posted at 15:41:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
X-Men?
call_911_to_diddle · 3 points · Posted at 16:33:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Daredevil.
JComposer84 · 2 points · Posted at 20:33:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Beethoven says no.
No47 · 2 points · Posted at 14:31:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well sounds are vibrations, so if the can't hear them, then technically?
Naf5000 · 6 points · Posted at 14:43:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Being deaf is not the same thing as not being able to perceive sound. (Some) deaf people can feel the air vibrate against their skin and almost all of them, in the case of deep loud sounds, feel the ground rumbling under them and the noise reverberating in their chest. It's not hearing, really, but it is perceiving sound.
applepwnz · 5 points · Posted at 17:24:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Exactly, and anyone who has been to an airshow can tell you, you don't just hear a fighter jet nearby, you feel it.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 15:57:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The navy's active sonar pings will kill you.
Just a random relevant fact I know.
thats_satan_talk · 1 points · Posted at 17:25:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Deaf people still have a sense of touch. They can feel vibrations, but the inner ear doesn't pick up and translate vibrations into sound signals very well / at all.
Source
No47 · 1 points · Posted at 20:02:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew that. I probably shouldve put a /s at the end of my comment
thats_satan_talk · 1 points · Posted at 20:10:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was just being facetious
The_Deaf_One · 1 points · Posted at 22:49:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is true
Hohepas · 1 points · Posted at 16:12:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Deaf blind people impervious to vibrations?
SmartAlec105 · 1 points · Posted at 19:07:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
No those guys are busy being used as the newest construction material in sky scrapers.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:00:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That would suck for deaf women the world over.
TrumpsBae · 1 points · Posted at 00:54:43 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
yes?
digitalkc · 17 points · Posted at 15:14:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It is now.
rylos · 10 points · Posted at 15:50:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The jet is so advanced, it has "stealth mode", like in the movies.
UppityScapegoat · 7 points · Posted at 16:28:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Its a stealth jet! DUH
Nenry · 3 points · Posted at 15:38:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
No, idiot. He was dropped off at the secret landing strip, and then took the school's secret train the rest of the way. Gosh
198jazzy349 · 2 points · Posted at 18:45:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Secret Landing Strip sounds like a cool strip club.
Or indy band.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 00:35:12 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
It is now
alivefromthedead · 1 points · Posted at 17:41:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Gallaudet Junior High
zoso33 · 1 points · Posted at 18:11:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It was actually called School for Gifted Youngsters and the jet strip was underneath the basketball court.
Bibbster94 · 1 points · Posted at 18:27:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
WHAT?
JakeDoubleyoo · 1 points · Posted at 18:38:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's a stealth jet. Duh.
SNBniko · 1 points · Posted at 19:24:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What?
fivez1a · 1 points · Posted at 20:59:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Maybe a school for gifted youngsters
eunderscore · 1 points · Posted at 21:35:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Does that mean it won't be noisy or it will be noisy?
GoldenWizard · 1 points · Posted at 22:16:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
If it wasn't before it is now!
iwelcomejudgement · 1 points · Posted at 22:18:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
If it wasn't it is now
tiger_toucher · 1 points · Posted at 22:27:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It needs to be...three times bigger than this.
gaff26 · 1 points · Posted at 00:01:36 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
WHAT?!
tomato_paste · 1 points · Posted at 03:38:09 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Xavier's
Trollarch1 · 1 points · Posted at 09:48:07 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Thank you i fucking died just now
DooDooBrownz · 0 points · Posted at 17:55:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
nah probably just a regular american school, which is to say a school for the mentally retarded
[deleted] · 1359 points · Posted at 11:02:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
quenishi · 408 points · Posted at 12:37:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I don't think that one was particularly secret. Pretty sure most of the faculty located that one.
WizardOfIF · 3 points · Posted at 18:59:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
T'was clearly outlined on the Marauder's Map.
Alphadog3300n · 2 points · Posted at 22:45:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Just don't let her see it.
gorka_la_pork · 1 points · Posted at 02:49:29 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
*Twat
FTFY
PM_ME_COCAINE_PLEASE · 15 points · Posted at 12:29:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Can confirm.
arealcheesecake · 1 points · Posted at 19:52:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You forgot a source :(
cavescape · 2 points · Posted at 01:26:05 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
It was clearly under the basketball court
no ballers were killed in the making of this jet strip
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:53:14 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
themangosteve · 1 points · Posted at 04:49:19 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
What are you talking about?
Azzizzi · 1 points · Posted at 05:29:10 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
No, silly. That's the cockpit.
HulloFolks · -7 points · Posted at 13:09:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The male dean's*
FTFY
[deleted] · 737 points · Posted at 13:26:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ten million dollar jet? Let Mike take it home. He did such a good job.
Hotaishi · 460 points · Posted at 14:12:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Lmao more like in the ballpark of at least $90 million.
confusiondiffusion · 253 points · Posted at 15:39:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Don't forget maintenance and fuel.
I think O'Reilly stopped selling stator blades for the GE F110.
ButtSmokin · 9 points · Posted at 00:48:38 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
O O O O'Reilly... Airplane parts OWW
acidRain_burns · 1 points · Posted at 02:00:50 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
The OW was key. Flawless execution.
198jazzy349 · 6 points · Posted at 18:46:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
They can order one from the store in the next town over. It will be here tomorrow morning.
spykid · 3 points · Posted at 21:55:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
tons of them on ebay
KyotoGaijin · 1 points · Posted at 23:13:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Michael could rig it up out of an old box fan, and use the leftover motor as a jet engine starter.
AWOLBACON · 1 points · Posted at 06:08:11 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I bet they got 'em for the P&W F100 though...
Voltage_Ultimatum · 3 points · Posted at 18:26:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Apparently an f16 costs 20m.
Big_Slippery_Dick · 4 points · Posted at 18:46:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
B-2 pilot here. Yes they let me keep my $1Bn stealth jet in return for 15 dedicated years of service. Works wonders on the school run.
ontopofyourmom · 1 points · Posted at 19:12:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I bet you fly one of the supersonic ones used for secret VIP transport
BitchinTechnology · 1 points · Posted at 19:25:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
But we only have 12 of them
Big_Slippery_Dick · 3 points · Posted at 19:59:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
11*
BitchinTechnology · 1 points · Posted at 23:14:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh yeah Guam..
Filipino_Buddha · 1 points · Posted at 23:23:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Coming from Guam, yep. I saw what happened.
BitchinTechnology · 1 points · Posted at 01:14:37 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My nuddy was stationed there when it happened to. I wonder what happens to the guy who carashes a B-2
Filipino_Buddha · 2 points · Posted at 07:22:09 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm pretty sure tons of paperwork, counseling, and investigation.
Humpfinger · 1 points · Posted at 21:49:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Go figure why, we started with thousands!
_Big_Baby_Jesus_ · 1 points · Posted at 05:02:06 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
The US is selling Pakistan 8 F-16s for $700M (87.5M per).
Imperium_Dragon · 3 points · Posted at 19:28:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Christ, no wonder the U.S. spends so much on defense. Any other nation would be been bankrupt.
Hodor_The_Great · 4 points · Posted at 21:19:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You are saving on this whole healthcare and education part
[deleted] · -1 points · Posted at 21:08:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Psh, that's nothing.
We've spent billions developing the F-35, and that program is projected to be about 1.5 trillion. Hell, each plane costs somewhere in the $175 million range, and the US armed forces has put in an advanced order for almost 2,000.
EDIT: apparently we got some Lockheed fanboys a bit butthurt.
BlissnHilltopSentry · 1 points · Posted at 22:17:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
And I hear a lot of airforce people saying it's a shit attempt at a jack of all trades.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:29:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I hear a lot of people from all the branches that have pilots, as well as a few aerospace enthusiasts who keep up on this sort of thing saying it's a shit attempt at a jack of all trades.
I've decided that any time I'm tempted to say "Sunken Cost Fallacy" I'm instead going to say "F-35 Fallacy"
The_Tic-Tac_Kid · 3 points · Posted at 23:27:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I think the issue is that most of the air force desperately needs to be replaced. The last time the average age of the US air force was this old was prior to WWII.
I can kinda buy the logic of "we need to replace pretty much all our planes, rather than buying a bunch of different planes, let's just buy one that does everything." But the requirements are diverse enough that a plane that can do everything can't do any of it well.
Dubanx · 2 points · Posted at 16:20:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It depends on the type of jet and when this happened. That's in the ballpark for a used A-10.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:34:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
10 million is 1960s prices
reddhead4 · 1 points · Posted at 03:11:22 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Depends on the age of the dad.
[deleted] · -1 points · Posted at 22:03:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
...more like $500,000 USD, if we're not being picky.
http://www.controller.com/listings/aircraft/for-sale/1394009/1968-northrop-f-5a
Hotaishi · 2 points · Posted at 22:39:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's not what the government pays for them new...
onethousandblankets · 82 points · Posted at 16:53:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"This is my award. From army." -Buster Bluth
[deleted] · 7 points · Posted at 17:15:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Cute.
xaanthar · 9 points · Posted at 17:43:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It was clearly an older model. They aren't going to let him keep an F-22 or something.
According to Wikipedia, the F-16 unit cost is in the $15-20 million range in 1998 dollars. Put OP's Friend's Dad climbing in the cockpit for the first time in, say 1985, and the military probably paid about $10 million for it at the time.
That's actually a lot more plausible than I thought it would be.
Wyodaniel · 4 points · Posted at 17:11:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was hoping to find a news article from about 10 years ago, when someone was trying to sell a couple honest-to-god f-16s on eBay, and the US government was very interested in finding out where the hell he got them from... this forum thread is the only reference I could find:
http://www.airliners.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1014599
The_Tic-Tac_Kid · 1 points · Posted at 23:22:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ten million won't even buy you a janky-ass 50 seat airliner, much less a fighter jet.
realhorrorsh0w · 10 points · Posted at 16:13:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wow, how far did he live from the school to need a commute by fighter jet?
Voltage_Ultimatum · 7 points · Posted at 18:25:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"Of course you can keep this $20m fighter jet with classified technology on it"
"Sir, can you stop bringing your kid to school in your fighter jet, you're melting the cars behind you"
PopeCumstainIIX · 6 points · Posted at 15:34:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I think he was just fucking with you at that point
McMurry · 4 points · Posted at 20:07:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My dad was in the Navy and they let him keep the sub. He used to drop me off in the secret pool under the gym floor.
halojam2202 · 5 points · Posted at 14:58:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The Army Air corp. back in 1945 let my great grandfather keep his P-51 Mustang. He was a flight instructor after wards and used it to teach advanced flying. The barrels were left in, but cemented and firing pins removed.
Imperium_Dragon · 3 points · Posted at 19:30:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's pretty cool. Does your family still have it by any chance?
halojam2202 · 1 points · Posted at 14:26:35 on July 20, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah, while my great grandfather passed a few years ago, the plane is still in the family. I'm not sure if it's flyable right now, i'd have to ask my father.
The_Tic-Tac_Kid · 1 points · Posted at 23:30:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Back then they had more planes than they knew what to do with and the jet engine pretty much rendered everything obsolete. They were basically pushing off WWII planes to anyone who'd take them. Unfortunately that meant most of them ended up melted down for scrap.
xanas1489 · 3 points · Posted at 17:53:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This reminds me of the secret seniors only pool on the roof of my school. The seniors even went so far as to photoshop a pool onto an aerial view of the school and broadcast the image on the morning announcements.
JackeWolfskinn · 3 points · Posted at 18:00:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I think it is a cool story :)
Father33 · 2 points · Posted at 18:00:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's just sad. I'd wager his dad was absent either physically or emotionally.
frozenHelen · 2 points · Posted at 20:53:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I remember telling that lie in kindergarten, too.
oh.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 06:10:51 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Damn. That's the kind of lie I would have told in 1st or 2nd grade. Junior year?
ShamelessCrimes · 1 points · Posted at 16:40:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's a pretty slow way to drive a kid the half mile or so to school, isn't it?
My dad let me take Einstein's portal gun that he got when he went back in his time machine. Apparently he invented it when he was working for Hitler during WWI. Based one one of DaVinci's drawings.
latitudesixtysix · 1 points · Posted at 18:27:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have a coworker who claims he can borrow an F4 Phantom or Harrier whenever he wants. He seems to be an expert in all things transportation having claimed to be a train engineer and commercial ship captain.
Pepper-Fox · 1 points · Posted at 18:34:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My tech school had one, but to be fair it used to be an air force base...
tufeomadre24 · 1 points · Posted at 18:43:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a similar friend in high school. Said he had nuclear launch codes in his closet, as well as RPG's and other highly illegal firearms.
SPOOKMEDADDY · 1 points · Posted at 19:00:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Was it a jihad school?
Imperium_Dragon · 1 points · Posted at 19:25:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Because everyone knows, million dollar jets are just everywhere.
Arsenic99 · 1 points · Posted at 19:51:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
But he can't show it to you, because his dad recently sold it.
3nl · 1 points · Posted at 19:54:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I actually did work for a mega-rich IAF fighter pilot who flew MIG-21s against Pakistan and now owns a MIG-21 (along with his private airline...). So, while he didn't get to keep the fighter he flew in the war, he does own a freaking MIG-21.
About that secret landing strip though...
Albert_Caboose · 1 points · Posted at 20:00:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What's funny is that we had a friend who make would make up absurd shit as a joke, e.g."I couldn't do my homework, my drunk Russian uncle ripped it up" and I'm pretty sure he made a few jokes like this too.
ApocaRUFF · 1 points · Posted at 21:03:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I just had an awesome idea for an interesting animated film. A lonely boy who has absentee parents (maybe they work too hard and have little time for him... don't want it to be actual neglect/"When is dad coming back from the the store?"). He suffers from low self esteem and wants to fit in so he ends up making up all these lies about different family members. Drunk russian uncles, rich princess cousins, super scientist grandparents, etc... and tells them to his classmates whenever they tell some story involving their family.
It would take place around Christmas, where he's told people that all his relatives will be in town for a big Christmas party his parents are throwing. No one believes them. A few indulge him, but someone gets fed up with his lies and calls him out on them. Others join in. He gets upset, flees and walks home. He cries for most of the night until he falls asleep.
Then he is woken up by one of his imaginary relatives. From there, it's your typical feel-good story with a few minor twists and potential threats.
U5ername_needed · 1 points · Posted at 20:08:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh yeah. I think my school's secret landing strip is near the library.
Haskillbrother · 1 points · Posted at 20:12:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My dad kept a fighter jet too
dudeguymanthesecond · 1 points · Posted at 20:41:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dr. Xavier?
MannyBothansDied · 1 points · Posted at 21:28:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had a kid in high school tell me the Air Force gave his grandpa, a "General", a stealth bomber for a retirement gift. Apparently the Air Force is very generous huh? Lolz
bwarrior · 1 points · Posted at 21:52:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a kid in jr high who told me his cousin was in the Air Force and would drop fly him to Tokyo all the time in his fighter jet. I wonder if it's the same guy.
stopthemeyham · 1 points · Posted at 22:36:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
DUDE I think I know that guy. Conrad was his self-assigned 'nick name' ?
batmanthony · 2 points · Posted at 22:52:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Nope, Jacob.
dietcokewLime · 1 points · Posted at 23:04:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Whoa! He must know my friend's dad who did the same except with a Comanche stealth helicopter.
360_face_palm · 1 points · Posted at 23:22:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
To be fair, a lot of kids are compulsive liars - they tend to grow out of it. Not all do, but most do.
ShinyShovel · 1 points · Posted at 23:37:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The jokes on you. There is a landing strip. You wouldn't know though.
It's a secret.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:06:50 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's bullshit but I believe it.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:37:06 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Navy wouldn't even let me keep my ID when I was getting out... they let dude keep a jet? LoL
jackyrc · 1 points · Posted at 02:08:49 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
what kind of liar lies like that?
blivet · 1 points · Posted at 02:20:11 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Jesus. When I saw this topic I thought of an annoying kid in elementary school who claimed to have an oil well in his backyard that he used to fuel his G.I. Joe jeep which had a gasoline engine which he would drive around in. Your high school acquaintance is only slightly better at storytelling.
brickmack · 1 points · Posted at 02:54:31 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
There was an anime I saw long ago with a relevant scene in it, but I can't remember what show it was now...
DigiDuncan · 1 points · Posted at 05:14:36 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ah, the one next to the pool on the roof?
VictusFrey · 1 points · Posted at 06:49:42 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Freshman year, there were these two guys trying to one up each other about having guns. It got to the point where they were both claiming to have bazookas, gatling guns, and tanks. I was shocked how far they were taking their lies and how dumb they sounded. The whole class got quiet just to listen to their ridiculous pissing contest.
DamnDurtyApe · 1 points · Posted at 07:22:07 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dwight's Xman School. Duh
3-cheese · 1 points · Posted at 08:01:21 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I can kind of relate to that...my dad was a pilot in the USMC and I would tell kids that my dad would drop a bomb on their house.
CidCrisis · 1 points · Posted at 08:37:47 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm surprised he didn't just parachute into the pool on top of the gym.
302HO · 1 points · Posted at 10:12:55 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Was the school run by a kindly old bald telepath in a wheelchair?
Noyournotperfect · 0 points · Posted at 15:01:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So he was an x-men?
Grimsterr · 0 points · Posted at 15:35:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Was he an X-men?
[deleted] · 3574 points · Posted at 11:53:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I grew up in a pub and we had a lot of regulars, one guy in particular was consistently lying to the point I assumed he was just 70 odd and trying to wind people up. Eventually it became clear he was a just an almost pathological liar. People would tell stories about how even as a child he would claim to have a diesel powered train set at home when shown someone's electronic one.
The best lie he told me was the time he came into the pub after leaving a tab unpaid for a month or two saying he was going to pay it off at the weekend because he was about to come into some money. He'd just been digging in his garden and he found a small trove of old coins. He knew they were valuable by the dates on them and sent them to the British museum for valuation. He said the finders fee on the oldest one alone could cover the debt 1000 times over. The oldest coin he found apparently had 150 BC written on it...
Ingloriousfiction · 2334 points · Posted at 15:42:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
i aint gonna lie it took me far too long to realize why 150 BC would not be written on a coin.
ladayen · 819 points · Posted at 18:20:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Similar to why you'll never see a medal say World War 1
bubscuf · 330 points · Posted at 21:57:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Interestingly, WW1 was named the "First World War" in 1939. Some people realised "the Great War" wouldn't hold up as a name over the years and wanted one that would, so they decided upon the "First World War" to remind people that this was the first time the whole world had been brought into such a conflict.
EDIT: Oh crap. I meant 1919. The point I was trying to make was that it wasn't only in 1939 that it was named that. Guess I must have had that number on my mind and written it instead. This comment rightfully deserved to be downvoted, look at the reply left by /u/arcanum7123 for what I was actually trying to say. Sorry reddit, well this is embarrassing.
castanza128 · 8 points · Posted at 00:58:18 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
so....you're saying those cunts jinxed us.
arcanum7123 · 7 points · Posted at 01:33:56 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Actually it was named the first world war in 1918
TipsHisFedora · 2 points · Posted at 05:47:18 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Actually the first person to use the phrase was Ernst Haeckel in 1914. However it still isn't really accurate to say it was "named" The First World War in either 1914 or 1918 because most of the world still called it 'The Great War' or 'The World War' up until WWII got going.
NDRB · 11 points · Posted at 23:29:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Although the term first world War was used for it during the war. The logic some people use is that it wouldn't be called the first until there was a second. But by that logic no one would refer to Obama as the first black US President.
brainburger · 9 points · Posted at 23:49:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
We hope for a second black US president, however.
m4g1k4rp · 11 points · Posted at 01:20:32 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Kanye?
The_F_B_I · 5 points · Posted at 02:31:27 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My vote is for Black Bush
thisdude415 · 0 points · Posted at 01:22:07 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Nah man you're racist if you're hoping for a second black president. Just hope for the best president every time. /s
NewToSociety · 7 points · Posted at 01:05:24 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well the first "world war" was actually the French-and-Indian War way back in the 1700's.
johnbarnshack · 6 points · Posted at 01:35:17 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Better known as the Seven Years' War outside the USA
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 03:36:24 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I find it bizarre that I didn't learn about the Seven Years War in school but while hitting the random button on Wikipedia whilst skipping school Sophomore year.
tiger8255 · 0 points · Posted at 04:05:52 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
There's a lot of stuff that they decide not to teach you in history classes (at least in the US)
Andy611 · 4 points · Posted at 06:11:53 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've learned about the seven years war in US history. AP US history was quite extensive actually.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 03:19:57 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Also interestingly WW1 should be called WW2 and The 7 Years War should be WW1. In that war there were battles in North America, South America, Europe, Africa, and Asia with a lot of countries involved
Link
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 06:50:26 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
How have I never heard of this war?
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 06:51:54 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
If you're American you might recognize it as the French and Indian War
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 07:17:44 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ah yes, the one after we beat the British but before we beat the Nazis.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 13:59:05 on June 27, 2016 · (Permalink)
Nope. Still under British rule. 1754-63.
Wired_Wrong · 1 points · Posted at 01:09:02 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
In modern times perhaps they should have named it, or all of them "The war which was lesser than the next one"
Azzizzi · 1 points · Posted at 05:33:39 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Early in the Korean War, some people were referring to it as the Third World War.
Flying_Chair · 1 points · Posted at 06:48:42 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
WW1 was called WW1 in 1918.
neohellpoet · 1 points · Posted at 07:46:10 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Which is especially annoying since the 7 years war was a global war, and arguably had far greater global ramifications, where as the non European bits of WW1 were somewhat forgettable.
CheezyMcWang · 1 points · Posted at 01:41:31 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
It was called The First World War loooong before 1938.
"The Great Wars" were orginially the Napoleonic wars in the 1800s, and didn't want to reuse the name because it was something very different.
suffer-cait · 2 points · Posted at 01:38:08 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This was my first thought. It was on a simple mysteries card set for kids, I think, short story puzzles to get you to think.
pikaluva13 · 2 points · Posted at 02:33:42 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I just want to say I didn't get the coin part until your comment.
Now I feel dumb.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 04:42:02 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That'd be funny as shit if it did. "Listen, ... we're pretty sure there are going to be more of these. So... might as well start numbering them."
mishag24 · 264 points · Posted at 16:59:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
cos how would they know its before christ ?
medalleaf- · 153 points · Posted at 17:17:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have a dollar that says 2007 BO (before obama)
Semtexual · 204 points · Posted at 17:50:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That would be 1 BO
thatvoicewasreal · 42 points · Posted at 18:05:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'll see your BO and raise you a very nasty belch.
badfan · 10 points · Posted at 20:55:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
If you win, how would you declare it on your taxes? Gambling winnings, or gross income?
YourInnerIdiot · 1 points · Posted at 22:26:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Heheh gross
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 22:49:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Heheh income
SadGhoster87 · 1 points · Posted at 23:07:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Username checks out
rauer · 11 points · Posted at 19:32:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Or would it be 1 AD?
Bowsersshell · 1 points · Posted at 02:18:35 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
+5 ad
Adingoateyourbaby · 4 points · Posted at 20:20:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
No, the dollar is 2000 years old, that's what makes it cool.
JohnnyFatWallet · 3 points · Posted at 00:21:40 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
No, no, no, the coin is from the year 1
aaam13 · 1 points · Posted at 22:17:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Obviously it was made in 1 A.D.
Elronnd · 1 points · Posted at 00:28:22 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not necessarily. It could be 2007 years before Obama.
-Employee427- · 1 points · Posted at 01:36:41 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
No it was made in the year 0
NotProfMoriarity · 1 points · Posted at 20:27:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
No, no, it's a dollar bill from 1 AD. Super rare and worth a pretty penny to any collector.
Jaloss · 1 points · Posted at 20:29:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Pretty pennies arent worth as much as they used to be
badfan · 0 points · Posted at 20:56:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I wouldn't give a wooden nickle for that pretty penny.
NeonEvangelion · 7 points · Posted at 21:03:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
All hail Barry Christ
HalfACenturyMark · 2 points · Posted at 21:13:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Would be worth about 10 cents if he hadn't won.
Kraymur · 1 points · Posted at 21:23:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
No, your coin just smells really bad.
hydraloo · 3 points · Posted at 19:01:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Because obviously he hadn't come yet. Duh
surlysmiles · 2 points · Posted at 20:31:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Because BC is a year construct that the civilisations of that time did not use.
showmeyourprincess · 1 points · Posted at 19:05:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Obviously becuse christ wasnt born yet
baconbash · 1 points · Posted at 19:19:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
No, because Christ hadn't brought in the hippos yet.
p2p_editor · 1 points · Posted at 19:58:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Fortune tellers, duh. Or prophets.
blamescott · 1 points · Posted at 21:08:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
They asked God stupid.
SadGhoster87 · 1 points · Posted at 23:06:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Is it bad that I don't know if this is a /s or not?
Monty808808 · 1 points · Posted at 02:36:30 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Cos duuh they read the bible.
Denamic · 1 points · Posted at 05:40:13 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Because christ hadn't appeared yet. Duh.
Games_sans_frontiers · 1 points · Posted at 07:53:32 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
It could have been minted at the John Titor institute.
Ingloriousfiction · 1 points · Posted at 18:59:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
precisely.
schbaseballbat · 13 points · Posted at 19:43:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
fuck. it took me reading your comment, plus another 30 seconds to realize why that wouldn't be written on a coin.
ChefBoyAreWeFucked · 2 points · Posted at 00:18:26 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was trying to figure out how 150 BC came out to tree fiddy.
DragonSlayerYomre · 2 points · Posted at 00:33:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not only that, but Arabic numerals (the one we use right now) weren't even in use. It would be
CLin Roman numerals instead.EpicRedditor34 · 8 points · Posted at 18:25:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Explain please
EDIT: THANKS YALL for the explanation , I'm a fucking moron.
ITHICmeaningstone · 17 points · Posted at 18:45:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
150 BC would mean 150 years Before Christ. But then if it's still 150 years before Christ arrives, they wouldn't know about Christ yet and so wouldn't know to print "150 BC" on the coin because Christ is still in their future.
FlipACoinForMe · 7 points · Posted at 18:45:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The coin flip resulted in... Heads.
Want me to flip a coin? Comment "flip me a coin" or "coin flip" and I will come as fast as I can :)
sidofsloths · 1 points · Posted at 20:51:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Coin flip
CayceLoL · 1 points · Posted at 18:45:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
BC, Before Christ. Impossible to name time unit after someone who hasn't been born yet.
Ingloriousfiction · 1 points · Posted at 18:58:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Its like saying 300 year Before the end of the world .... you dont know because its .... before.
triplefastaction · 2 points · Posted at 19:47:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I do. I'm related to Nostradamus and I, in the future, invented Time Travel.
-taradactyl- · 1 points · Posted at 23:54:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"Hmmm in what year did people start writing?"
I'm write there with you
rabz12 · 1 points · Posted at 23:59:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You would not be good at Encyclopedia brown books... would you?
Quixilver05 · 1 points · Posted at 03:44:23 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
"Christ will be born in 150 years."
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 03:52:38 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh fuck, I didn't notice that. I just kinda figured writing didn't exist on the British isles 2200 years ago.
Big21worm · 1 points · Posted at 06:01:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Must've been related to the 3 wise men.
ImNotVeryGoodWith · 1 points · Posted at 08:00:59 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
150 years Before Coins
stingraymenace · 1 points · Posted at 13:12:30 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
"BC" means "Before Coin"?
cinepro · 1 points · Posted at 21:42:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
FWIW, that's one of the amazing things about "The Book of Mormon" (the actual book, not the musical). Most of it takes place before the birth of Christ, on the other side of the planet (i.e. the Americas), and the prophets in the book telling the people that Jesus will be coming in exactly 600 years, and then 595 years later they remind them that he'll be there in exactly five years etc. It's amazing.
_PM_ME_DUCK_PICS_ · 666 points · Posted at 16:13:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This reminds me of the Encyclopedia Brown where they had a sword with "The First Battle of Bull Run" engraved on it.
Doriineia · 372 points · Posted at 20:04:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Literally first time in my life I've seen someone reference Encyclopedia Brown, those books were the shit.
MajorNoodles · 44 points · Posted at 21:19:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Shawn Spencer is just an adult Encyclopedia Brown.
scrumbud · 11 points · Posted at 03:51:05 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
You know that's right.
ShaynePC · 124 points · Posted at 21:15:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Damn Bugs Meany.
Theist17 · 11 points · Posted at 22:51:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What a dick.
GAGirlChild · 11 points · Posted at 02:12:48 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He was also incredibly stupid . . . and rereading them now I can't understand how I was always stumped and had to look in the back of the book lol.
Beemer32 · 7 points · Posted at 02:25:34 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
DOORS SWING TOWARDS THEIR HINGES, BUGS!!
romaniastronk · 3 points · Posted at 02:42:29 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Fuckin bugs
citationorgtfo · 10 points · Posted at 00:05:09 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My grandparents always bought me Nancy Drew books because I was a girl. Pissed me off. E-Brown was much more hardcore.
Super_Zac · 10 points · Posted at 01:09:36 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I enjoyed them, but I was always more of a Hardy Boys kid and it always annoyed me how Encyclopedia Brown got people busted on like one tiny little technicality or minor mistake, and they every eyewitness account was believed 100%.
I also got into Sherlock Holmes at a relatively young age so maybe that's why I was so harsh on good ol' E.B.
GrumpyKatze · 7 points · Posted at 23:56:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I felt so stupid because I wasn't very good at solving them.
10 years later and they're ez pz, suck that encyclopedia.
KingofthePlanets · 2 points · Posted at 05:08:49 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Archer had a full sequence committed to encyclopedia brown jokes this season. It was incredible.
Arttherapist · 2 points · Posted at 06:51:03 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Encyclopedia Brown made me want a secret clubhouse in a junkyard.
PoisonMind · 1 points · Posted at 01:17:07 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
There was an HBO series, as well.
hundycougar · 1 points · Posted at 05:13:34 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
3 investigators for me
AviatorDan · 1 points · Posted at 05:16:42 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Encyclopedia Brown? Loved those books when I was younger.
Latrodectian · 37 points · Posted at 18:12:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dude, I actually remember that! Encyclopedia Brown was the shit. Not sure how kids would keep calling him such a longass name though. Why not just 'Cyc'?
bundleofschtick · 36 points · Posted at 21:19:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
And his sidekick, Ovaltine Jenkins.
[deleted] · 9 points · Posted at 21:39:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Underrated comment
nikkithebee · 7 points · Posted at 22:17:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"You know that's right!"
THANKS-FOR-THE-GOLD · 5 points · Posted at 02:23:14 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
"Did you hear about Pluto? That's messed up right?"
nikkithebee · 3 points · Posted at 03:37:19 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
You are all amazing people
whaaaaaattttt
DigiDuncan · 1 points · Posted at 05:28:24 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Or, as his friends called him, Ov.
EDIT: Wait, or were you going for Val, so it would be Cyc Val, like a physiatric evaluation?
mylackofselfesteem · 3 points · Posted at 07:04:07 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
It was a psych reference; ovaltine jenkins is one of the alias' shawn creates for gus, though I can't remember in which episode
ironoctopus · 6 points · Posted at 21:37:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Kids had more time for enunciating syllables back then, before the iPads and the WiFis and the Tinders made 'em stupid and mealy-mouthed.
DoWhile · 5 points · Posted at 23:52:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hey who you callin stup and me-mo?
TychaBrahe · 20 points · Posted at 17:27:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
From the troops on the Confederate side, who called it the Battle of Manassas.
Hewhohalls · 14 points · Posted at 21:48:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In my AP US history class I said it as battle of manassas because I would talk to this guy about history when I was younger and that's what he referred to it as and so did I, well my teacher mention the fact that that's what the Rebs called it and this one chick decided since that's what they called it that I must be a confederate and therefore a racist. Not really relevant and more of a rant.
Worra2575 · 3 points · Posted at 22:30:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Were you wearing long white robes at the time? 'Cause that might not have helped your case...
Hewhohalls · 7 points · Posted at 22:34:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I might have left my cone hat on...and I knew I dropped that flaming cross somewhere...
peardude89 · 3 points · Posted at 23:18:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I mean the Confederates did win that battle, so you're more right than wrong. But Bull Run sounds cooler.
StochasticOoze · 3 points · Posted at 23:29:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not to be confused with the Battle of Man Asses.
IvyGold · 2 points · Posted at 23:29:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
And oddly enough, the National Park Service officially calls it Manassas
https://www.nps.gov/mana/index.htm
I don't know why this is. Usually, it's the Federal name that's used.
nova_cat · 8 points · Posted at 20:28:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That is literally the only Encyclopedia Brown story I've ever read, and yet I will never forget that the Union called it Bull Run but the Confederacy called it Manassas. Every time I go by Manassas, my brain replays the story. I always think it'd be interesting to bring up at a party, but alas, I haven't been able to shoehorn it into a totally unrelated conversation.
Nixie9 · 5 points · Posted at 21:20:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There's a place called Man asses? That's not a thing I'd think confederates would support.
peardude89 · 9 points · Posted at 23:21:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
They were only pro-slavery. For all we know, they could have been pro-gays. As long as they were white.
Nixie9 · 2 points · Posted at 06:28:54 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
True, suddenly the confederate flag is taking on a new meaning.
thebeef24 · 2 points · Posted at 14:34:55 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
They were pretty cool about Judaism. I think the first Jewish cabinet member in America was on the Confederate cabinet.
I think the main requirements to join their club were having the right skin color and having enough money to own a bunch of people with another skin color.
keveready · 4 points · Posted at 17:58:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had one with the First World War too.
SuperSeriouslyUGuys · 3 points · Posted at 19:03:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
But the First World War was called that as early as 1918 (~21 years before WWII).
keveready · 2 points · Posted at 19:11:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I could be misremembering. I thought it was supposed to be the Great War then. It's been about 20 years. 😞
SuperSeriouslyUGuys · 2 points · Posted at 19:49:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I guess it depends on the details of the story, if the inscription was made pre-1918 it would still make sense. I just thought it was interesting that we called it the First World War before there was a second one.
iShootDope_AmA · 3 points · Posted at 19:53:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's not like people didn't see WWII coming...
thebeef24 · 1 points · Posted at 14:37:43 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
When someone talks about the recent war as something new and different, a world war, it's not hard to jump to the idea that this may have been the first but it won't be the last.
kandoko · 2 points · Posted at 20:53:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This argument reminds me of this QI clip
cdangelo27 · 3 points · Posted at 18:47:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Made me think of the same story!!
Badloss · 2 points · Posted at 18:00:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
At least in that case maybe the sword was a momento or decoration given after the war to honor the first battle or something
Crowsdower · 3 points · Posted at 18:46:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You're right, but in the story I think the engraving said it was presented shortly after the battle.
198jazzy349 · 2 points · Posted at 18:49:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I loved those. The only ah ha I remember is that the bad guy added an item to the shopping list so the patsy would be gone longer because they wouldn't be able to use the quick check out line. This extra amount of time of the shopper being out gave the baddy the required time to pull off the crime. EB figured it out of course!
rubberbandage · 2 points · Posted at 19:55:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Glad I’m not the only nerd on here who thought of those books immediately. I think it was actually “World War 1” though, instead of “The Great War”.
jdovew · 1 points · Posted at 20:06:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You are correct, it was WWI, not Bull Run.
_PM_ME_DUCK_PICS_ · 5 points · Posted at 20:38:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
No, it was the story about Bull Run. See #10 on this list.
There is something with Encyclopedia Brown out there that has to do with "the Great War" vs "WWI" but I haven't been able to find that specific story via Google. ((Unless there was a UK version of these books that subbed the Civil War info with WWI?))
rubberbandage · 1 points · Posted at 21:37:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Interesting! I read this in a small library in New England and remember it because I’d never heard of The Great War. Maybe there were two versions though, and the library had a British copy…
IrrationalFraction · 2 points · Posted at 20:46:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Don't have to be real smart to figure that one out.
Sometimes it is really clever. Other times you wonder how only Encyclopedia Brown noticed it.
Grilled_Oyster · 1 points · Posted at 21:04:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Encyclopedia Brown reference....niiice!
macphile · 1 points · Posted at 23:01:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I think they had one with something signed "Queen Elizabeth I," too.
failing_forwards · 1 points · Posted at 23:27:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Bugs never was strong in critical thinking.
rabz12 · 1 points · Posted at 00:00:22 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I thought it was a letter of some sort. . . been a few years since I read them though.
Agawammomof2 · 1 points · Posted at 01:30:35 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I used to love the Encyclopida Brown books! And I remember that story!!!!
Real-Kryometric · 1 points · Posted at 03:08:11 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I remember those books, they were great.
jwillsrva · 1 points · Posted at 03:14:58 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
It amazes me that people can remember this stuff. I read as much of those books as possible in the 2nd grade. Couldnt tell you a thing about them.
tallerghostdaniel · 0 points · Posted at 20:08:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh fuck,, I completely forgot about encyclopedia brown, that little twat was absolutely the tits at taking forever to solve mysteries that a six year old had figured out in the first three pages... Still loved those books though
Ceffyl · 1950 points · Posted at 14:47:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
hahahaha
[deleted] · 1193 points · Posted at 15:48:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"man, I can't wait until we hit zero. I wonder what will happen?"
charlietango13 · 866 points · Posted at 16:05:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Y0K
gears32 · 17 points · Posted at 18:27:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeezus 0K
yeezyLFC · 3 points · Posted at 22:18:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Keep it loopy, you a wavy dude.
Edit: the pyramids shall rise
baconbash · 5 points · Posted at 19:19:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
0k then.
palordrolap · 3 points · Posted at 20:26:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's the noise you make after drinking a quart of yoghurt.
IntrigueDossier · 4 points · Posted at 20:51:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The torch grid is gonna short-circuit
p2p_editor · 3 points · Posted at 19:59:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yes IM0K, thx 4 asking.
baked_potato_cakes · 2 points · Posted at 22:59:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My stone tools are gonna take over!
ThatBlobEbola-chan · 2 points · Posted at 04:50:17 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Y0LK
tyrandan2 · 5 points · Posted at 19:17:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Fun fact: there is no year 0, it goes straight from 1 BC to 1 AD.
Lying_idiot · 3 points · Posted at 22:19:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I hear all papyrus will disintegrate simultaniously then! invest in parchment!
hablomuchoingles · 2 points · Posted at 16:58:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Mayan apocalypse...
Pun_In_Ten_Did · 2 points · Posted at 20:29:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"When this baby hits 88 BC, you're gonna see some shit!"
OuttaSightVegemite · 2 points · Posted at 06:23:14 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
"Hey, does anyone know what we're counting down to??"
NESoteric · 1 points · Posted at 18:00:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"Jesus, it's going to be nuts!"
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:21:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The millenium crash?
rmoss20 · 1 points · Posted at 19:40:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So....we just start counting up now?
Some_Stupid_Cunt · 1 points · Posted at 21:29:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Orson scott card had a book series about that
reverendsteveii · 1 points · Posted at 21:58:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"What are we counting down to?" --Robbie, Dinosaurs
bsjay · 706 points · Posted at 15:42:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Damn psychic coin makers predicting the birth of Christ.
[deleted] · 15 points · Posted at 17:08:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Checkmate atheist
RECOGNI7E · -41 points · Posted at 17:08:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I prefer BCE (before common Era)
Mostly because Christ was just a delusional jew and he doesn't deserve to have any effect on our units of time.
notaschultz · 19 points · Posted at 18:05:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
BCE is based on the same year though, so it makes no difference what you call it.
RECOGNI7E · -25 points · Posted at 18:20:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sure it does, now that Jesus has been proven false there is no reason to speak of him at all. Much like Zeus
TheDeltaLambda · 20 points · Posted at 18:31:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What now?
RECOGNI7E · -27 points · Posted at 18:42:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
General lack of any tangible evidence. There is as much proof that santa or the easter bunny exists as jesus.
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.
CayceLoL · 17 points · Posted at 18:48:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Why are you calling him delusional jew if you don't think he existed?
RECOGNI7E · -3 points · Posted at 19:01:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He existed but was just a man. Not the son of god, just a delusional jew. What are you not getting?
bcrabill · 11 points · Posted at 19:07:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The part where you keep changing your story.
RECOGNI7E · -3 points · Posted at 19:23:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The jesus of the bible never existed, he is not gods son because there is no god. There may have been a man that the myth was based on who knows.
JimblesSpaghetti · 3 points · Posted at 19:43:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Got any evidence?
RECOGNI7E · -2 points · Posted at 19:47:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There is absolutely no evidence he exists. Under your logic it is just as plausible that the center of the earth is made of green bean casserole because there is no evidence to the contrary.
Believing things just because you were indoctrinated at an early age is not your fault. But you have the choice to use your rational mind and make grown observations now.
It is far more plausible that there is no god, thus that is what I choose to believe.
JimblesSpaghetti · 9 points · Posted at 19:55:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
But I'm not stating as a fact that he exists. I just believe it. You were stating it as a fact though.
Actually, there is evidence to the contrary, we can observe seismic waves travelling through the core and measure them on the other side of the planet, and we know what ripples and patterns different materials produce because of scientific research. Therefore we can prove that it is in fact, not made out of green bean casserole.
Holy shit, stop trying to be so edgy and condescending, you sound like a 12 year old retard who just discovered what atheism is and that it's "hip" or something.
Actually it's a plausible theory that we might just be a simulation and whoever programmed our simulation is a god. And even if it wasn't, why would there not be a god who just started the big bang and this is what came out of it? We have absolutely no fucking idea what happened before the big bang, might have been a gay unicorn that shit out a turd onto a '69 Camaro and that's what started the big bang.
RECOGNI7E · -4 points · Posted at 20:42:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Why does there have to be a god? And calling me a 12 year old does nothing but weaken you argument. (Ad Hominem)
Probability is that there is no god because there is no evidence of such and I am good with that.
JimblesSpaghetti · 4 points · Posted at 20:51:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm not saying there has to be a God I'm trying to tell you that you're a fucking asshole for forcing your opinion down other people's throats, acting condescending and apparently trying to impersonate /r/iamverysmart and /r/justneckbeardthings at the same time.
Also your second paragraph makes no sense again. There is also no evidence that we aren't a simulation or that God didn't start the big bang. So it's also plausible there is a God. Why are you trying to argue that? Just accept that it's also likely there might be a God because we have no fucking idea what happened before our universe was created.
RECOGNI7E · -2 points · Posted at 20:54:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Haha. You choose to read and respond dumbass. The onus is on you.
JimblesSpaghetti · 2 points · Posted at 20:56:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Can someone tell me if this guy is a troll? I'm just gonna stop now you're too dense and ignorant to have a normal discussion with.
RECOGNI7E · -1 points · Posted at 21:00:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Be my guest, no one asked for you ignorant opinion in the first place. And I am far from a troll, I just have a different understanding of the universe than you. One based on quantifiable evidence and probability.
Bowing out of the conversation only proves you can't adequately argue your point.
CayceLoL · 1 points · Posted at 19:44:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hey, you're finally making sense. I think everyone knew what you meant. I personally was just fucking with you since you were spewing incoherent sentences borderlining on hate speech.
RECOGNI7E · 0 points · Posted at 19:51:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Opposition to religion which most likely is based on an indoctrinated delusion is not hateful. If anything it is with love that I try to free the lost souls and allow them you see a rational world.
CayceLoL · 1 points · Posted at 19:58:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sure I get your point, I can also see how people can be offended by that. To each their own.
RECOGNI7E · 0 points · Posted at 20:39:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
People are offended by almost everything. No reason to censor ones self.
desGrieux · 0 points · Posted at 20:27:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
HAhahahahahahahahahaha... "Jesus was delusional, I am the one who will free your lost soul." The narcissism is strong.
RECOGNI7E · 1 points · Posted at 20:35:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It was a joke guy.
desGrieux · 1 points · Posted at 21:31:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm not your guy, buddy.
RECOGNI7E · 2 points · Posted at 22:37:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
And I am not your buddy, guy
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:37:28 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Why are you so intolerant?
RECOGNI7E · 0 points · Posted at 16:44:24 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I call it like it is. If you are religious, you believe I am going to burn in hell for all eternity. Now that I would call intorentant.
Pointing out that all the religious folk on this planet are most likely living a delusion indoctrinated by their parents is not intolerant. It is a public service.
notaschultz · 1 points · Posted at 21:10:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wait so now all religious people are intolerant bigots?
RECOGNI7E · 1 points · Posted at 22:38:21 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Religious folk are far more intolerant of athiests then the other way around.
They believe I will burn for all eternity, I only believe they are delusional. According to every major religion non-believers go to some form of hell for torment.
While you are fighting amongst yourself I will happily become worm food and go back into the energy continuum.
It is far more beautiful to think the elements in our bodies came from exploding star then that there is a man in the sky controlling everything.
bcrabill · 2 points · Posted at 19:06:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Lack of evidence doesn't prove anything. Evidence to the contrary does.
RECOGNI7E · 1 points · Posted at 19:24:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Lack of evidence is a good reason not to believe in something. If you live your life believing in thing with no evidence you probably belong in a mental institution.
bcrabill · 1 points · Posted at 19:35:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's certainly a good reason to not believe something. It doesn't prove it untrue however.
RECOGNI7E · 0 points · Posted at 19:43:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I will take my chances.
Callum1370 · 0 points · Posted at 20:31:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Disagree completely, you don't have any evidence to say our universe didn't come into existence last Thursday, yet you still believe it didn't come into existence last week. There are many examples of things that can't be proven yet we accept because it is rational, but not provable.
RECOGNI7E · 1 points · Posted at 20:35:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There is lots of evidence supporting the fact that the universe didn't come into existence week.
Carbon Dating
Expansion of the universe
Age of a tree
Please give me one example of something that we accept that has no tangible evidence to support other than religion.
Callum1370 · 0 points · Posted at 20:37:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
How do you know that the universe didn't just come into existence with all those things exactly like that? Everything we know and can measure and see didn't just come into existence exactly as it was last Thursday, last Thursday.
RECOGNI7E · 1 points · Posted at 20:43:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was alive before Last Thursday so I am pretty sure the universe existed. At least that is the most plausible answer and I base my reasoning on probability.
Callum1370 · 2 points · Posted at 20:48:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
How do you know your entire body and memory's didn't just come into existence last Thursday.
You just disproved your entire argument, you now believe in something as it is rational and the most plausible even though there is no evidence to disprove my theory, the same could apply to religion.
KelSolaar · 1 points · Posted at 20:56:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What you are saying is basically that there is no evidence of anything at all and there never has been. That is the only way your argument makes sense, because if none of the things he listed counts as reasonable evidence, then nothing can be evidence. If you can't even agree to accept our basic reality as a fact, then there is not much to discuss.
Callum1370 · 1 points · Posted at 21:00:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm just trying to explain that you can believe in something without evidence, his original point was that lack of evidence means something doesn't exist, yet that example is impossible to disprove. His argument was that their is no evidence for God so it doesn't exist, but you still can't disprove it, so their is a chance.
RECOGNI7E · 0 points · Posted at 20:51:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My original point is why believe in something without evidence. I just gave you multiple reasons why the earth did not come into existence last thursday and you can't give me even one why god exists.
Callum1370 · 1 points · Posted at 20:56:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You didn't give me any evidence that my theory could not explain, I obviously don't believe it as it is not rational but it is still impossible to disprove, their is NO evidence to disprove it, the example was their to show you how you believe in the Big Bang or whatever theory you believe in as it is the most rational in your mind, but any evidence you have can just be explained by the 'Last Thursday' argument. Personally, I'm not religious so I don't believe that god exists but I was just providing a counter argument that it is possible to believe in something without evidence as you could substitute God into my example with the same result, you can't disprove Gods existence.
RECOGNI7E · 1 points · Posted at 20:58:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Radioactive isotopes delay at a certain rate. We can register this change. As things age more isotopes decay and thus we can 100% tell that the universe did not come into existence last thursday.
Callum1370 · 1 points · Posted at 21:01:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
How do you know that the Radioactive isotopes didn't just come into existence like that, last Thursday. I'd give up man, it's impossible to disprove.
RECOGNI7E · 1 points · Posted at 22:39:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Because science and observable evidence. The is a great probability that the Universe is 14 billion years old then a week old. If you should live life based on anything, probability is one of the better ones. It sure beats indoctrinated good feelings
Callum1370 · 1 points · Posted at 22:44:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My point was that we still believe in things even with a lack of evidence, assuming they are rational and have a high chance of occurring. I just wanted you to understand that to Religious believers, it is just that, a rational being or event, and they see the bible as evidence, versus you who presumably doesn't. It all comes down to how people see the evidence that is presented to them and just because you see a lack of evidence does not mean that a thing does not exist or that other people do not believe in it.
RECOGNI7E · 1 points · Posted at 22:48:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It more has to do with what you consider evidence. IMO if it is not quantifiable or observable it is not evidence. It is just good vibes.
Callum1370 · 1 points · Posted at 22:51:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The bible is considered by many to be a second hand source of information, but it could be unreliable for this reason as we don't know the circumstances of which it was written, but many people have a different opinion of how reliable a source is for evidence.
RECOGNI7E · 1 points · Posted at 23:01:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
If you sit down and read it, it quickly becomes apparent that it is not a reliable source of information. But because these people have been lied to since birth they know nothing different.
Examples:
Firmament The "firmament" is claimed to be a solid "roof" over the world.[13][14] This is obviously untrue, unless all those satellites in orbit are a hoax. Considering the views of flat earthers, someone, somewhere probably thinks this is true.
Stars The Bible makes it clear that stars are tiny objects in the sky that will fall down when Jesus comes back:
Revelation 8:10 And the third angel sounded, and there fell a great star from heaven, burning as it were a lamp, and it fell upon the third part of the rivers, and upon the fountains of waters;
Planetary formation
According to the Genesis creation myth, the Earth was formed before the Sun. Aside from bio-mechanical problems, this flatly contradicts the nebular hypothesis of stellar formation, in which planets form in the accretion disk created by a young star.
The Bible implies that the sun moves around the Earth, rather than the Earth rotating. Ecclesiastes 1:5 shows a geocentric world view:
“”The sun also ariseth, and the sun goeth down, and hasteth to his place where he arose.
Now I know you will just say these all interpretable but that's the problem. Why was the bible written so ambiguously? If it were the word of god why does it seem like it was written by people with a very basic understanding of the universe by today's standards.
Callum1370 · 1 points · Posted at 23:03:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Going to be frank with you, I'm not religious and it's 1AM so I'm calling a night. You win.
RECOGNI7E · 1 points · Posted at 23:04:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
No winners or losers. Thanks for the convo internet stranger.
Callum1370 · 1 points · Posted at 23:05:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
No problem, you didn't really deserve all the negative karma that you got.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:52:19 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Fuck off neckbeard, askreddit doesn't need bigots like you. Not only are you talking shit about a large group of people you are also racist against jews.
RECOGNI7E · 1 points · Posted at 16:48:35 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Reddit needs all kinds. You just proved you are the true bigot.
How am I racist against jews? I merely said Jesus was a delusional jew, I have no issues with him other than the fact he pushes lies that continue to this day. Or any other Jewish person for that matter.
And I would suggest you stop calling people neckbeards, it does you no service.
If you had a family member who still believed in Santa clause into their twenties would you not try to show them the error of their ways?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:21:10 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Get off our dicks. While your at it also get off santa's dick because you neckbeards ride it all day.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:21:40 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
You said jesus was proven false, so give me the proof.
RECOGNI7E · 1 points · Posted at 20:44:20 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Huh, Santa's dick? Are you ok bro? And what did I tell you about "neckbeard". Saying that makes you sound like a fucking idiot.
Lack of evidence is enough proof for me. There is not one single shred of evidence that god exists or that jesus is his son. The only people who believe this garbage are the ones that were fed it from and early age.
If you sit down and read the bible, it quickly becomes apparent that it is not a reliable source of information.
Examples:
Firmament
The "firmament" is claimed to be a solid "roof" over the world.[13][14] This is obviously untrue, unless all those satellites in orbit are a hoax. Considering the views of flat earthers, someone, somewhere probably thinks this is true.
Stars
The Bible makes it clear that stars are tiny objects in the sky that will fall down when Jesus comes back:
Revelation 8:10 And the third angel sounded, and there fell a great star from heaven, burning as it were a lamp, and it fell upon the third part of the rivers, and upon the fountains of waters; Planetary formation
According to the Genesis creation myth, the Earth was formed before the Sun. Aside from bio-mechanical problems, this flatly contradicts the nebular hypothesis of stellar formation, in which planets form in the accretion disk created by a young star.
The Bible implies that the sun moves around the Earth, rather than the Earth rotating. Ecclesiastes 1:5 shows a geocentric world view:
“”The sun also ariseth, and the sun goeth down, and hasteth to his place where he arose.
Now I know you will just say these all interpretable but that's the problem. Why was the bible written so ambiguously? If it were the word of god why does it seem like it was written by people with a very basic understanding of the universe by today's standards.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:55:43 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
There is a big difference between evidence and proof and I am sure you and I both know the difference. You need to respect other people's view points. I know there are overly religous people out there but that does not justify being disrespectful to other people because they have different views than you. I will respect your view points if you respect mine.
RECOGNI7E · 1 points · Posted at 22:42:50 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
When those views are because of an indoctrinated delusion I feel it necessary to try to help.
If a child was raised by evil parents that taught him to cut himself because that would please their lord would you not feel the need to help him/her? Religion is no different. I have family members that are religious and though I am respectful they know where I stand. A few of them have even started to realize the truth they seek is not with god.
pdrocker1 · 3 points · Posted at 02:55:50 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
[EUPHORIA INTENSIFIES]
RECOGNI7E · 1 points · Posted at 16:41:33 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Euphoria? Not sure you understand the english language bud.
theniceguytroll · 4 points · Posted at 20:23:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ouch! Fucking hell, man! Watch where you put that edge!
Ceffyl · 13 points · Posted at 17:48:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
^ euphoric
WhatsThatSkaSong · -2 points · Posted at 20:39:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I thought it stood for "Before the Common Era"
SamK2323 · 11 points · Posted at 16:47:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Took me longer than I admit to understand why that's so funny...
Jabbex15 · 15 points · Posted at 15:48:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The coin makers knew that someone important to a calendar they didn't use was going to be born 150 years later. Seems legit.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 17:49:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
How did he know? He knew Jesus was coming!!!
Ceffyl · 1 points · Posted at 17:50:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
which makes that coin an important artifact worth millions!!!!!!111oneoneone
Kitbixby · 2 points · Posted at 17:08:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wait, what's wrong with this?
Ceffyl · 12 points · Posted at 17:22:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Unless the person who minted that coin was psychic, how could they know 8lb 6oz baby Jesus would be along 150 years later?
Kitbixby · 6 points · Posted at 17:41:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oooohhhhhh!
guitar_vigilante · 2 points · Posted at 18:55:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
On top of that, it was a few centuries after Jesus left the scene that people started using the BC/AD dating system.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 19:26:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
guitar_vigilante · 3 points · Posted at 19:36:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"Oh, we should probably adopt a universal dating system as well."
"But I was rather fond with it being the 5th Year of the Reign of Diocletian."
Ceffyl · 1 points · Posted at 23:27:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Jesus did it before it was cool.
fnord_happy · 1 points · Posted at 19:03:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh honey
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:24:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Heads was a knocked up Virgin on a Jackass
San-A · 1 points · Posted at 23:01:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This makes me wonder: how did pre-christian people proceed to number the years?
CMDR_Elek · 214 points · Posted at 15:23:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Seems legit.
DigNitty · 5 points · Posted at 23:46:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Only 150 years before you know what happens....
what?
I thought You knew!
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 21:56:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Took me surprisingly long to understand why that wouldn't make sense
[deleted] · 7 points · Posted at 15:28:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Did anyone call him out on that?
missingsf · 5 points · Posted at 16:48:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
C'mon, man...this is taken directly from a 2 Minute Mystery. It was also an Encyclopedia Brown mystery solution from way back in the day.
Just sayin'....
Hawkthezammy · 6 points · Posted at 21:43:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Whos the real pathological liar now?
SubatomicCake · 3 points · Posted at 16:30:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Can you elaborate?
ShamelessCrimes · 3 points · Posted at 16:42:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yes, also did your pub have one of those cigarette vending machines?
[deleted] · 6 points · Posted at 17:05:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Used to... in fact my mother might still have it because they were banned from UK bars during the time we had the pub. It sat in the spare bedroom for years. Kinda sad actually I got to know the guy who refilled it over about 5 years of him coming to fill it and take the cash. He was out of work overnight.
TheBestBigAl · 3 points · Posted at 22:29:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's not unusual for the landlord/lady to live above the pub they run. Often part of their hallway leads directly into the area behind the bar.
SubatomicCake · 1 points · Posted at 23:16:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
TIL. Thanks!
Sefirot8 · 3 points · Posted at 16:55:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
what does this mean
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 17:00:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
before I knew he was a liar I assumed he was just an old man telling stories he knew were lies on purpose, As in he knew they were lies, he knew we knew they were lies and it was harmless bullshitting.
CaptainEarlobe · 3 points · Posted at 17:03:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I wish I grew up in a pub
Not_shia_labeouf · 3 points · Posted at 15:58:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hahahaha holy shit it took me a minute to realize that a coin from 150 BC would not have that number written on it.
Rough_And_Ready · 2 points · Posted at 15:54:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ha! Amazing. I can just imagine the look on the faces of everyone at the bar when he came out with that.
ferrara44 · 3 points · Posted at 15:28:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My sides are leaving the oort cloud.
GatorGladiator · 1 points · Posted at 16:29:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Also, because those coins obviously aren't valid currency, why didn't he just give the MUSEUM the coins and take the money to pay the pub?
Goddamnit_Clown · 1 points · Posted at 17:11:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Model steam trains aren't that uncommon. My granddad was an engineer and supposedly hand-built the one that's still kicking around in a loft somewhere. That one runs from a little burner that takes alcohol or meths or something.
A similar one that burns diesel doesn't seem impossible exactly, though unlikely as diesel isn't easy to light. But it seems like an easy enough mistake to call the burny-liquid diesel if you don't know better.
/edit: If he meant an internal combustion engine, that's maybe less likely? Though little model ones do exist, so who knows.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:48:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Pff, the Romans didn't even come to Britain until 50AD!
doom32x · 1 points · Posted at 18:17:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
At the bar you say? His name wasn't Tommy Flannigan, pathological liar, was it?
Haskillbrother · 1 points · Posted at 20:13:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I found a coin like that too
ShaneDAWS0N · 1 points · Posted at 21:32:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Super cool that the coin he found knew it was before Christ.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:40:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
you grew up in a pub?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:31:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm surprised there's not more "inheritance" posts on here. I've come across 2-3 people in my life that spin the "inheritance"s story because its a great way to make friends and get other people to give you things.
KyotoGaijin · 1 points · Posted at 23:23:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dear Diary,
Today, the Hundred Years War started.
mjw09 · 1 points · Posted at 00:28:10 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
did anyone call him out on the cion
BlueRajasmyk2 · 1 points · Posted at 01:35:56 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This was one of the riddles from the game Mind Trap
DegenerateWizard · 1 points · Posted at 01:37:34 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I scrolled for a good while past this before I understood why that's so funny, I'm a fucking moron.
justjoshingu · 1 points · Posted at 01:57:05 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I used to hear that as a joke when i was a kid
The best lie he told me was the time he came into the pub after leaving a tab unpaid for a month or two saying he was going to pay it off at the weekend because he was about to come into some money. He'd just been digging in his garden and he found a small trove of old coins. He knew they were valuable by the dates on them and sent them to the British museum for valuation. He said the finders fee on the oldest one alone could cover the debt 1000 times over. The oldest coin he found apparently had 150 BC written on it
GimmeDatMeth · 1 points · Posted at 01:59:38 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wait but that makes no sense to me the Romans and a couple empires were around all around the world that used gold coins as currency.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:05:52 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's not the fact the coins supposedly old it's the specific date he claimed.
GimmeDatMeth · 1 points · Posted at 02:22:10 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh ok.
YEMPIPER · 1 points · Posted at 06:13:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wait you grew up in a pub?
ArrowRobber · 1 points · Posted at 06:42:47 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's why the coin is so valuable, its the first accurately dated prediction of our lord and savior's coming!
ballabas · 1 points · Posted at 08:31:17 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
To be read in the voice of John Oliver:
"Please understand, I'm not doubting you, I'm not doubting you at all. I just want to verify that I understand the facts about this rare and priceless coin. You've discovered a coin, minted by a society that [counting off on fingers]:
Have you recently had any association with this man? [Picture of Doctor Who appears] Because I must warn you, many of his companions wind up abandoned in some rather precarious situations. We don't like to say it, but it's true. It is true, and it had to be said."
salpicao · 1 points · Posted at 10:06:55 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
150 Bit Coins?
freelandguy121 · 1 points · Posted at 13:57:30 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh that's good.
King_Sparrow · 2436 points · Posted at 10:17:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One guy tried to convince me once that he had a full blown Yugioh playing arena with the hologram projections and everything.
RNGesus-Reborn · 1124 points · Posted at 10:28:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Was he called Seto
King_Sparrow · 523 points · Posted at 11:49:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not sure about his first name. Most people referred to him by his last name.
Neonappa · 466 points · Posted at 12:11:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Would he get pissy and threaten to kill himself if you were about to beat him in a children's cardgame?
RNGesus-Reborn · 172 points · Posted at 12:14:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Seto did have a very good reason for doing that to be fair
jus_plain_me · 472 points · Posted at 12:22:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Did he tend to disregard regulations due to his possession of finances?
IAMAREALBOYMAMA · 190 points · Posted at 16:19:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Forget the guidelines set down to ensure order, I possess massive amounts of wealth
[deleted] · 81 points · Posted at 19:31:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
Blue_Bi0hazard · 10 points · Posted at 01:11:34 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Please listen my hair is about to address you!
PinkieBen · 2 points · Posted at 13:03:01 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
It would seem that my vocal cords give me great weight lifting abilities.
[deleted] · 10 points · Posted at 00:30:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My affluence makes a nonsense of the regulations!
RNGesus-Reborn · 94 points · Posted at 12:28:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I wouldnt say stealing peoples souls is a very good regulation
Sir_Fappleton · 3 points · Posted at 15:47:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
If I praise you on the internet, will you give me Zen Meteor RNGesus?
RNGesus-Reborn · 7 points · Posted at 16:25:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Im afraid my RNGesus days are over. I was killed by Bungie and replaced by microtransactions im now reborn as a slave to RNG just like you for my penance :(
magmosa · 7 points · Posted at 16:46:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wait… you're not yog'saron?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:42:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You are banished to the shadow realm!
Sir_Fappleton · 2 points · Posted at 17:28:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Your noble sacrifice will not be forgotten.
greekpeas · 1 points · Posted at 03:26:18 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That was a reference to Yugioh The Abridged Series first episode.
Sipczi · 11 points · Posted at 16:48:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That Kaiba kid needs to get laid.
Captainroy · 11 points · Posted at 18:15:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I see someone watched Yu-Gi-Oh the Abridged series.
efrazable · 10 points · Posted at 18:54:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Little Kuriboh currently has more vlog episodes saying "I'm still working on YGOtAS" than episodes of YGOtAS
constantvariables · 2 points · Posted at 22:48:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I need more YGOtAS and DBZA in my life.
zmajxd · 6 points · Posted at 17:45:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Screw the rules,I have money!
theknowhereman · 3 points · Posted at 18:24:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Screw the money, I have rules!
TheOnlyMego · 2 points · Posted at 21:02:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
SCREW THE RULES I HAVE MONEY
rick_or_morty · 2 points · Posted at 00:12:57 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Are you saying that he screwed the rules, because he has money?
ProWaterboarder · 1 points · Posted at 21:07:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Screw the money, I have rules!
VehaMeursault · 1 points · Posted at 23:06:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Huh, funny way of spelling banking fraud.
justabitchassnigga · 1 points · Posted at 09:47:56 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dummie terms-screw the rules i have money!
Ralfarius · 1 points · Posted at 16:52:42 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
His affluence makes a mockery of the rules!
CrunchyDorito · 4 points · Posted at 16:47:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm kinda out of the loop on this. Could you explain?
offtheclip · 14 points · Posted at 19:06:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
His younger brother was kidnapped and trapped inside a card so when he was about to lose a match where he could gain entry into the castle he stood at the edge of a cliff so that if yugi attacked him the holograms would push him off the cliff. Honestly I miss manga yugi where they would play death games like exploding air hockey.
Omega357 · 8 points · Posted at 20:16:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's the 4kids version. In the original Japanese he threatens to jump off Yugi beats him.
Ppleater · 3 points · Posted at 23:57:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah the manga was pretty hardcore. Didn't he burn a guy to death for losing that one time?
offtheclip · 6 points · Posted at 00:10:47 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah that weird drinking game. Something about leaving a lighter on his hand. It's been over a decade since I read those tbh.
Ppleater · 3 points · Posted at 00:21:10 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I also remember a guy driven insane because he was cursed to see garbage as money, so he was rolling around in garbage. One guy stabbed his own hand I think because he was greedy. I remember being shocked at how non-kidfriendly it was.
offtheclip · 2 points · Posted at 00:25:55 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Same dude that was chapter 1 I think
RNGesus-Reborn · 1 points · Posted at 20:14:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is what I was on about thanks for explaining
CrunchyDorito · 0 points · Posted at 23:16:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Thanks. Didn't realise setosorcerer was in Yugi Oh /s
WattledPenguin · 2 points · Posted at 20:03:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yet the son of a gun still counts that as Yugi's loss. What a load, granted the rules were really bizarre back then.
Krzysz · 15 points · Posted at 16:12:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One time that fucker even put 3 Blue Eyes White Dragon's on the field and pretended like the whole thing was normal.
[deleted] · 4 points · Posted at 12:53:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The only bit of Yu-gi-oh I remember as a kid is the one where the guy threatens to kill himself if yugi wins. Was that Seto? And does anyone have a video link?
WoodenBear · 5 points · Posted at 13:32:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Episode 24. It's on Netflix.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 18:56:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know a second year university student who does that consistently every week.
MrSynckt · 23 points · Posted at 12:08:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Kaiba?
vayneonmymain · 13 points · Posted at 12:38:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
KOIBA!
thestarlessconcord · 6 points · Posted at 13:53:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Nothing but a scared puppy dawg!
ingebeastly · 3 points · Posted at 15:30:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
my name's. not. koiba.
dread_gabebo · 2 points · Posted at 19:36:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My name's. Not. "Koiba."
LamZeppelin · 8 points · Posted at 15:58:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Did he sound suspiciously like the Pewter City Gym leader?
totodile-ac · 3 points · Posted at 18:48:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
....holy shit
Kingbuttmunch · 1 points · Posted at 17:56:01 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Never noticed that before. Goddamn
MaximumRafiki · 1 points · Posted at 17:32:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Kaiba?
Kingdomheartsfan891 · 1 points · Posted at 17:45:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Kaiba?
Super_Tuky · 1 points · Posted at 19:18:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Kaiba?
zlimK · 1 points · Posted at 20:13:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I like this comment because, although you were pointing out how he's almost always referred to as 'Kaiba', all the super weird kids I knew in school were addressed by their last names. Just seems fitting.
GurJobD · 1 points · Posted at 22:26:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Was it Kaiba?
DirusNarmo · 1 points · Posted at 23:41:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Was his last name Kaiba?
OnePieceTwoPiece · 1 points · Posted at 00:57:05 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
No one caught it, but I did. Seto is usually referred to his last name, Kaiba.
iwumbo2 · 1 points · Posted at 03:29:51 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
What the fuck, that sounds an awful lot like me down to the name, but I never owned any Yugioh cards.
ShiftyMctwizz · 1 points · Posted at 05:51:40 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That man? Seto Einstein
Vergiss-Uns-Nicht · 2 points · Posted at 07:16:28 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He was wicked smaht
blaccvincentvega · 1 points · Posted at 20:28:11 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Was he called Kaiba?
Defective_Prototype · 3 points · Posted at 15:48:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In Spanish, Seto means Bush.
Perhaps he was friends with the former US President. That'd explain the hologram projectors, those things are expensive.
Maztah_P · 2 points · Posted at 16:32:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Bush Kaiba
boyyoz1 · 7 points · Posted at 11:09:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
im convinced his name was seto kaiba
thisisboz · 2 points · Posted at 21:55:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yes, owner of the legendary Blue Eyes White Vagina.
Blue_Bi0hazard · 2 points · Posted at 01:10:28 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Screw the rules I have money
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 13:08:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
RNGesus-Reborn · 1 points · Posted at 13:14:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Pegasis was the creator of duel monster cards, seto Kaiba is the owner of Kaibacorp
GammaKing · 10 points · Posted at 16:53:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend was a compulsive liar and also happened to be teaching me YuGiOh. He claimed he spent the weekends going to tournaments and was ranked 3rd in the country. I started having doubts when I managed to beat him after just a few games. Later turned out that he'd been going to tournaments but always lost in the first round.
Best part is I was using his shitty "spare" deck since I had no money for cards of my own. He was an odd fellow.
SamuraiJakkass86 · 3 points · Posted at 21:32:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I think card games just attract compulsive liars. I played "for keeps" at a toys r us pokemon card tournament when I was 12, with an "adult" that my dad inadvertently ended up recruiting into the navy. Beat the guy in a card match and instead of him giving me the Dark Gloom he owed me, instead told me that my Mew card (from the movie) I had wagered was a "counterfeit" and he could tell because he was a professor of Egyptian hieroglyphics, and refused to honor the deal.
Then some years later my buddy really wants me to try yugioh with him. This guy was a regular "Captain Bullshit" who then proceeded to change all the rules around because I was beating him (newbie luck I suppose? It was his deck...). Still ended up winning despite the rules miraculously changing like 10 times - so he decided to vent his anger by trying to push me out a two story window. Pretty lucky that didnt work.
GammaKing · 3 points · Posted at 21:45:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Similar situation here. "So basically if you play that one card you win the game because it can't be destroyed and nothing can damage you? Sure thing bud."
NamesAreForFriends · 3 points · Posted at 17:13:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I would have loved to believe him. Those hologram arenas were the shit
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 17:42:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Holy shit. Vr game right there... someone needs to make this.
attr_reader · 2 points · Posted at 16:28:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You can make holograms with image tracking. He might not have been lying.
minskeeeee · 3 points · Posted at 17:27:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
But imagine making those for all the yugioh cards
con10ntalop · 1 points · Posted at 19:08:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You didn't get in his van, right?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 19:47:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Was your friend Conner4real?
"Yu-Gi-Oh hologram! So expensive!"
Haskillbrother · 1 points · Posted at 20:14:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have one of those too
ILoveTheColourYellow · 1 points · Posted at 21:19:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
HOLY FUCK, Did we go to the same school? Some little dick head told me that too !
BitterlySarcastic · 1 points · Posted at 23:41:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What, like this guy?
Unreal_Banana · 1 points · Posted at 01:45:29 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I its real yo.
scoobysnaxxx · 1 points · Posted at 03:16:13 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
sounds like a kid i knew in high school. he also claimed to play high-stakes Yu-Gi-Oh tournaments and win thousands of dollars off a single game.
PorkChop4PC · 1 points · Posted at 04:52:17 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
YES! This is perfect. I knew this guy who said he won some big east coast tournament in Yu-Gi-Oh and got a 1 off card. On top of that he said some guys came to his house with shotguns and stole the card.
PM-ME-YOUR-STOMACH · 1 points · Posted at 07:32:57 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Would've told him to take me there. And beat his ass in his own arena.
Jo-dan · 1 points · Posted at 10:33:30 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a guy called Riley try to convince me the exact same thing.
RoastedBaconMaster · 1 points · Posted at 15:50:21 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
His grand fathers deck had no pathetic cards
ThatGuyKaral · 3919 points · Posted at 12:44:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a guy who (among hundreds of other increasingly absurd lies) told me that he:
-had sex for 24 hours straight
-While working as a roofer (in 200 degree fahrenheit heat no less) once fell through the roof and landed on a girls bed next to her
-Took a shit so big that it came out of the toilet and he couldn't flush it so his German grandmother had to come into the room and cut it with scissors shouting "Shit devil! Shit Devil!" in German
-Had sex with a girl on the dancefloor of a club, snorting cocaine out of her ass
-abruptly ended a camping trip weekend with friends because he had to get to a fake doctor's appointment
-told us he couldnt feel pain on this same camping trip and picked up a rock that popped out of the campfire ring. He held it for a second. Turns out he could feel pain.
CasiInAPumpkin · 2381 points · Posted at 16:51:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Scheißteufel! Scheißteufel!!
thatvoicewasreal · 1209 points · Posted at 18:02:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Don't say it a third time, or he will appear.
silphred43 · 647 points · Posted at 18:10:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Scheißteufel
BratwurstZ · 747 points · Posted at 18:26:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Rip
[deleted] · 903 points · Posted at 19:58:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
rest in poop
monnii99 · 377 points · Posted at 21:23:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Get the scissors
TheComedyShow · 3 points · Posted at 03:29:45 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Scheißteufel
stanley_apex · 1 points · Posted at 07:06:31 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Don't forget the grandmother.
rubbernotarealbot · 7 points · Posted at 21:48:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Unholy shit...
Narwhalbaconguy · 3 points · Posted at 00:50:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's a shitty death.
slacksauce · 3 points · Posted at 04:04:41 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have never laughed so hard to a comment, nor such an immature joke in my life...
ColonolSexy · 2 points · Posted at 00:45:34 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Rip in poop.
ThePooSlidesRightOut · 0 points · Posted at 21:57:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
:D
chalter · 0 points · Posted at 02:40:14 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is why I love Reddit.
Whywouldanyonedothat · 3 points · Posted at 20:30:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Rip asshole
Anshin-kun · 2 points · Posted at 20:38:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
RIP in Poopperoni
lunartree · 2 points · Posted at 21:04:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Worst potato chip flavor ever...
cop08807 · 1 points · Posted at 20:59:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
F
pussy-master · 1 points · Posted at 00:18:19 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
f
incognitobanjo · 16 points · Posted at 19:46:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Vylan24 · 2 points · Posted at 01:29:01 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
3spoopy5me
THANKS-FOR-THE-GOLD · 2 points · Posted at 02:18:37 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Scheissteufel · 9 points · Posted at 19:31:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ja?
Stomish · 1 points · Posted at 03:30:23 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
😳
thatvoicewasreal · 10 points · Posted at 18:40:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh boy, you're in for it now. Prepare to find out what those shelves in your toilets are really there for.
Cyanide_Banana · 5 points · Posted at 18:52:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ever heard of an upper decker? Multiply it by 1000. Then you've got a Scheißteufel.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 19:08:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
For your comic books and chocolate milk?
thatvoicewasreal · 1 points · Posted at 04:23:12 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
No, the German toilet has a poop shelf, which, in English anyway, is an autological term. It's purportedly for inspection, and the "Ja, das ist gut" pre-flush approval.
ScheiBteufel · 10 points · Posted at 19:17:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sie haben nun mit ewiger Durchfall verflucht !
boomer98 · 3 points · Posted at 19:44:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"Rubber Poop Monster!"
http://imgur.com/8eMSxlo
SunilClark · 1 points · Posted at 13:06:52 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Iiiiiit's shittime!
ScheiBteufeI · 1 points · Posted at 13:23:05 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ehehehehe
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:38:45 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
YOU FOOL
robalob30 · 1 points · Posted at 19:24:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
oshit whaddup
8oD · 0 points · Posted at 21:12:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
RIP in peace.
Scheisteufel · 0 points · Posted at 00:45:15 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
For fucks sake's guys WHAT!
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 03:09:10 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
👹💩👹💩👹💩👹 u hav bin sp00ked by the sp00ky Scheißteufel
Share while taking a Scheiß or suffer from burning butthole-itis
greg_tier7 · 1 points · Posted at 21:17:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Biggie smalls, biggie smalls...... Biggie smalls
CogChoir · 1 points · Posted at 21:45:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I thought that only worked with Candlejack, or am I thi
SatanClaus666 · 1 points · Posted at 00:39:17 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I am here.
Faunsong · 1 points · Posted at 10:05:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I am now cackling at 5 AM when my mum is asleep downstairs. Thank.
mapp2000 · 3 points · Posted at 20:03:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
shia labeouf!! shia labeouf!!
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 09:57:55 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Be gone with your shitty meme
t_Lancer · 3 points · Posted at 21:28:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Friend of the wankshitdemon?
house_autumn · 1 points · Posted at 22:11:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Scrolled down hoping someone would mention the Wanky Shit Demon.
aytchdave · 2 points · Posted at 18:37:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Phonetic spelling, please, so I can yell this at people.
PurpleSkua · 5 points · Posted at 22:30:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Shise-toyfel
aytchdave · 1 points · Posted at 14:08:45 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
AWWYISS!
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 18:50:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
[ʃaɪstɔɪfəl] is my best guess. Can't confirm though.
Edit: Why the downvotes? If I'm wrong, correct me; if there's anything else I'm missing, tell me.
WeylandTheDwarf · 3 points · Posted at 03:09:58 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Because he asked for a phonetic spelling and you answered with an even more difficult to read version.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 07:36:46 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's the International Phonetic Alphabet, I just used it since it is pretty unambiguous. Also, it was the first thing I thought of when I heard phonetic spelling, so I probably just misinterpreted that part.
WeylandTheDwarf · 1 points · Posted at 13:16:40 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
While that might be, most people don't know how to pronounce tʃ. For a scholarly journal your answer might be correct, but it isn't what the standard person is asking for.
jp426_1 · 2 points · Posted at 21:21:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have a serif font on my phone and that word just looks really cool with it.
tacokickerkeskesay · 2 points · Posted at 23:10:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Scootinfrooty!
Paleface95 · 2 points · Posted at 18:09:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hab den deutschen gefunden
Damarusxp · 3 points · Posted at 22:49:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Es gibt buchstäblich dutzende von uns.
Oieo · 3 points · Posted at 05:04:24 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Einer von uns, einer von uns!
4_jacks · 1 points · Posted at 18:46:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
How do you pronounce this?
in English
MrSeader · 3 points · Posted at 19:20:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
my best guess is: sh-ice t-oi-fell sh(like shit)-ice('ice ice baby') t(like.. you know.. the letter..)-oi(like the music genre)-fell (like 'fellbeast' in lord of the rings)
4_jacks · 1 points · Posted at 11:37:41 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
lol what?
Is that pronounced "Oy" (Rhymes with boy?)
Thanks this is my new favorite curse
MrSeader · 1 points · Posted at 15:39:41 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
yes it is. is that only a german thing? you guys do miss out on that.
4_jacks · 2 points · Posted at 17:55:09 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I will generally throw in an "Oi" when I'm doing a poor impression of any European
"Oi! Get me a pint, ya bloody muppet!"
Price_Of_Soap · 1 points · Posted at 20:54:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"Let me guess, shit devil, shit devil?"
-Ace Ventura
SirCyandye · 1 points · Posted at 22:20:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
How is this pronounced?
PurpleSkua · 2 points · Posted at 22:31:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Shise-toyfel, roughly
mrmikemcmike · 1 points · Posted at 03:10:56 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
wait, does this mean that teufel means shit in German?
If so, would the word Teufort jokingly mean 'shitfort'?
seewolfmdk · 2 points · Posted at 05:07:11 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Teufel means devil. Scheiße means shit.
mrmikemcmike · 1 points · Posted at 05:34:20 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
aaaahhhhhhhhhh
TheBlueBrothers · 0 points · Posted at 09:34:51 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
More like "du verdammter Scheißeteufel wtf"
[deleted] · 384 points · Posted at 15:51:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Jay from the Inbetweeners?
sinkwiththeship · 50 points · Posted at 21:53:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Awww frieeennnnnd.
house_autumn · 28 points · Posted at 22:12:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
FUCKING FOOTBALL FRIEND
r-u_ok · 19 points · Posted at 00:45:13 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
BUS WANKERS
DictatorSalad · 14 points · Posted at 23:40:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I didn't see him mention clunge.
TheBestBigAl · 8 points · Posted at 22:20:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Nah, he'd manage to last at least 48 hours.
[deleted] · 14 points · Posted at 18:38:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Only one mention of butt play, it couldn't possibly be him.
giantzoo · 8 points · Posted at 22:02:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Pretty close but I didn't see anything about a bird
kosilosi · 6 points · Posted at 11:12:41 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Neil: "Mate, Check this out" Points to FIFA 17
Jay: "Completed it mate"
Neil: "But it ain't out yet."
Jay: "The owners gave me a free copy months ago."
Neil: "Oh that makes sense"
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 20:36:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Just what I was about to say.
luckygiraffe · 177 points · Posted at 17:41:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This has more or less happened to me. :( I have a very long and straight duodenum/colon/whatever is right before the anus and it's not uncommon for me to drop a footlong. When I'm low-carbing, turds will sometimes be so long and so firm that they won't flush without "assistance."
mandapandaIII · 282 points · Posted at 20:06:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Shit devil! Shit devil!
GAGirlChild · 15 points · Posted at 02:09:12 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I see this becoming the new reddit chant when people start talking about shit . . .
BelieveInRollins · 18 points · Posted at 03:24:50 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Scheißteufel! Scheißteufel!
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:22:35 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
*shit devil! Shit devil! In German.
FightTheWindmills · 1 points · Posted at 05:58:09 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I like how this has more upmost than the one before.
thanks4yanksNspanks · 41 points · Posted at 21:40:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You gotta pinch mid shit to cut it up with the log cutter god gave you...I'm talkin bout ya booty hole
Gigadrax · 9 points · Posted at 22:03:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Nah, been there, but I'd rather shit a foot longer than wipe for 20 minutes.
thanks4yanksNspanks · 3 points · Posted at 17:05:24 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wet wipes work wonders for wipe time. Also, a bidet could be a good investment. I heard those bad boys will only cost around $50.
I just can't imagine having to manually slice up muh turds so I can flush.
AnticitizenPrime · 10 points · Posted at 02:23:32 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I once shit out this incredible mighty longturd that wrapped around the entire bowl. I almost took a picture of it but didn't, because then I would have a picture of a turd and I'm above all that.
Magenta_Corduroy · 3 points · Posted at 01:50:06 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yep can confirm. When cutting on mostly nothing but protein my shots are even more massive than they usual are. I've had it reach the seat numerous times.
rowsdowershair · 5 points · Posted at 01:59:44 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
But did you grandma ever use scissor to cut a turd
Guardian_Soul · 3 points · Posted at 02:36:17 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
What you're referring to is known as the Sigmoid Colon, in most people it is shaped like an S
luckygiraffe · 3 points · Posted at 02:55:42 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Mine seems to be dead straight for nearly a foot and a half. Should I be worried?
Guardian_Soul · 3 points · Posted at 03:02:39 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Probably, since the sigmoid colon is only about 4 or 5 inches long. It could be that the turn from your descending colon to your Sigmoid colon is shallow enough that it doesn't break the flow, as it were
luckygiraffe · 6 points · Posted at 05:38:46 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Fair warning, I'm about to play a game of TMI.
Still here? Okay. I've done some butt stuff. One of my exes had a long, straight, and rigid toy that she slid into me literally 16 inches deep before hitting any resistance or giving me any discomfort whatsoever. Even then, it was just like hitting a wall. Do I just have an abnormally shaped colon, or is this gonna be the thing that kills me?
Guardian_Soul · 3 points · Posted at 16:36:08 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Totally honest mate, if you have lived this long without any complications, there's little chance it will kill you. I am in no way a licensed medical professional, so don't take my word as gospel. But it doesn't seem like you'll have any more trouble than the inconvenience of an occasional actual log coming out of you and the toilet refusing to accept it willingly. All the sigmoid colon is for (from what my schooling has told me anyways) is to redirect the flow from your descending colon to your rectum. So be careful with the butt stuff, and try not to eat anything that seems through common sense to possibly be harmful
WtotheSLAM · 2 points · Posted at 10:58:54 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That depends, are you going to be the next Mr Hands?
hallykatyberryperry · 0 points · Posted at 08:26:57 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Lol butt stuff
Rdubya44 · 3 points · Posted at 07:34:38 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
If they don't break on the way out I can have some logs too. There's been a few I've had to "cut" with the plunger.
[deleted] · 7 points · Posted at 01:53:27 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Where I used to work, I was chummy with the mailboy / maintenance contact guy. Went down to his office one day to avoid work and talk garbage when he turns around and let's rip with a rant about how he just had to break someone's one foot deuce into flushable fragments. I immediately rattled off ten names of the guys who I thought might be the culprit. He cut me off saying... "nobody said it was in the males toilet". I went from quietly impressed to utterly disgusted. And I still don't know why.
brickmack · 2 points · Posted at 02:49:37 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
...you realize that if a girl can fit a foot long piece of poop inside her, she can fit other foot long things there right?
BlueSkittle572 · 3 points · Posted at 03:26:37 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I can somewhat confirm this... :/
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 04:45:02 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Like the crow bar he used to slay it?
SydNotSoVicious · 2 points · Posted at 04:32:59 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This happened to me today at my girlfriend's family's house. I was just dropping off my girl and really had to go. Anyway, I released a truly rebellious Bastard so just left him chilling. It's a four person household so I'm hoping they just blame each other.
squarebacksteve · 1 points · Posted at 02:26:09 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I call it "beaching the whale".
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:30:25 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Pre-emptive strike.
Hugh_G_Wrekshin · 1 points · Posted at 04:55:41 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well thank you for sharing that with us.
ZombieJesus1987 · 1 points · Posted at 18:58:08 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Those are shits men only dream of having.
joshbuilds · 1 points · Posted at 18:58:51 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Loool
kkasket · 1 points · Posted at 07:52:55 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
If that's a correct word, is that where the term doodie came from? I'm thinking about this too hard.
[deleted] · 102 points · Posted at 16:52:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
200 degrees? I could literally cook food in that heat! Where is this hellish place?
ThatGuyKaral · 346 points · Posted at 17:19:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In the imagination of an insecure college student.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:23:20 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Insecure about the heat of their surroundings?
litux · 1 points · Posted at 14:21:07 on June 27, 2016 · (Permalink)
In the imagination of a shit devil that does not feel pain.
CentaurOfDoom · 1 points · Posted at 03:30:38 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Also southern nevada.
workraken · 11 points · Posted at 18:30:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Interestingly enough, shingles themselves could get up to about 170 degrees Fahrenheit. That wouldn't perfectly transfer the same amount to a person standing there of course (and is still a fair amount from 200 degrees). But that would definitely be hot as fuck.
MrFrumpish · 7 points · Posted at 21:50:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Maybe he was roofing in Antarctica and he was talking in kelvin.
alejo699 · 3 points · Posted at 23:06:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Arizona, 2017.
IZEDx · 3 points · Posted at 03:20:46 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hopefully not in a place that uses Celsius..
InverurieJones · 2 points · Posted at 11:24:15 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah...if your roof has reached 200C the guys crawling up ladders onto your house won't be roofers.
thanks4yanksNspanks · 2 points · Posted at 21:33:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
How hot can a black top in Phoenix get right now?
120 degrees all day + black top = death
ShinyShovel · 1 points · Posted at 23:43:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dunno. Must have beeb hot enough for the Shit Devil to live.
ChefBoyAreWeFucked · 1 points · Posted at 00:13:45 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Apparently, unless I missed an inside joke this morning, saunas can reach 200+F (100C, in the thread).
gamypancakes · 1 points · Posted at 00:27:26 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Phoenix AZ roofs have been known to exceed 210 with the reflected heat.
harleysmoke · 1 points · Posted at 01:00:49 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Any road service that works with asphalt has to be kept at about 280 F at all times, and workers basically stand on top of it... roofing is probably similar.
God_Damnit_Nappa · 1 points · Posted at 01:09:36 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Death Valley?
xXx_WeedBlzr_420_xXx · 1 points · Posted at 01:41:51 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Plot twist:
Celsius.
Rip.
InverurieJones · 1 points · Posted at 11:27:28 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh, I dunno...I work in that sort of temperature fairly often...
Plot twist:
I'm a fireman.
tidder_aksarben · 1 points · Posted at 02:34:29 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Phoenix
OMGpopcorn1 · 1 points · Posted at 03:59:32 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Los Angeles this week
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 04:42:17 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well, it's a dry heat.
EdajimaHeihachi · 1 points · Posted at 07:02:20 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Somewhere in Shit Hell
Covert_Ruffian · 1 points · Posted at 09:30:25 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Nice and cooked, just like Armin.
Cakepufft · 1 points · Posted at 14:11:48 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
At least it is Kelvin ¯\(ツ)/¯
SmellyFingerz · 1 points · Posted at 14:14:06 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Phoenix, AZ
straydingo · 1 points · Posted at 13:20:06 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
I read that in Stewie Griffins voice
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 02:18:52 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
In a kitchen. Its called an oven.
KatKone · 0 points · Posted at 05:04:24 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Tucson/Phoenix, Arizona. 117 today.
NotInLikeFlynn · 335 points · Posted at 13:52:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm at work and scissors grandma shouting Shit Devil! Shit Devil! had me convulsing with laughter. Damn you!
artilleryboy · 30 points · Posted at 16:53:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Don't think he was bullshitting that one tbh. Sounds pretty legit!
therealmaxipadd · 7 points · Posted at 20:14:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I think making that story up is more impressive than it actually happening. Either way, that's fucking funny.
desetro · 3 points · Posted at 21:55:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I wish i have a convulsive liar as a friend. Would love a good laugh now and then
felixjawesome · 12 points · Posted at 17:45:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Now imagine some lady farting cocaine into a guy's face.
RiotingMoon · 3 points · Posted at 00:53:46 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
....I just imagined a little puff like when you're trying to unclog baby powder bottle and it attacks... oh god. D:
erviniumd · 1 points · Posted at 05:34:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's called boofing!
felixjawesome · 3 points · Posted at 06:10:44 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I thought boofing was the act of ingesting substances through one's rectum? Is there a specific term for when one partner farts a puff of cocaine into the face of another partner?
[deleted] · 6 points · Posted at 17:36:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Scheißteufel! Scheißteufel!
pacal0 · 2 points · Posted at 17:35:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
/r/nocontext
[deleted] · -8 points · Posted at 17:45:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[removed]
Pun-Master-General · 1 points · Posted at 19:15:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Don't be an asshat, dude.
rahyveshachr · 35 points · Posted at 18:22:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
These are the funniest stories to me. It reminds me of an old Monty Python sketch of Michael Palin as a reporter. "Next we have a man who claimed he could recite the entire Bible whilst being struck on the head by a large axe. We have since discovered he was a fraud. He merely recited the first two words, 'in the...' before his death."
resonanthails · 28 points · Posted at 18:43:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One morning while i was living in the college dorms, there was a group of students gathered around the mens bathroom. People from all around campus were flocking to our dorm to check out the MONSTER shit in the bathroom.
That fucker was so long it went down into the hole and was laying along the bottom of the bowl, came up to the rim and was resting on the front of the seat. I shit you not this person had to have been pulling a Randy Marsh ultimate shit. I never thought id ever see one long continuous turd.. SO long that it came out of the bowl.
And the girth. That damn thing was 2 inches wide all the way up. Fucking spackled with little yellow corn nubs. Easily the scariest thing ive ever seen.
The janitorial crew cut it into pieces and had to seperate it between multiple toilets in order to flush this.. Thing. There was applause
BitchinTechnology · 3 points · Posted at 19:24:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Heroin
gorka_la_pork · 3 points · Posted at 02:47:02 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Have you ever looked at a turd you've produced and thought to yourself "Huh. I guess a dick that big could fit in my ass"?
Ceryni77 · 2 points · Posted at 07:34:37 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I will from now on, thanks you fucker..
talentedasshole · 7 points · Posted at 17:49:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Maybe he had to go to the doctor because he got burned by the stone
[deleted] · 10 points · Posted at 17:25:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
To be fair...I did have a friend who actually had sex with a girl on the dancefloor of a club....so it's at least plausible.
goldontheceiling22 · 3 points · Posted at 17:53:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah I've been to some pretty greasy clubs, OP might just have to believe this one at least.
eskamobob1 · 2 points · Posted at 01:34:59 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was about to say. I know a few places where this would be pretty possible tbh.
ReverendGonzoLC · 7 points · Posted at 18:54:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Mine has the snorting coke out of strippers asses story too but but uped the ante later when he added the snorting coke from the cleavage of a local federal judge.
To boot, he was a photographer for Playboy, smoked cigars in the Palace with Fidel, has been a cardiologist, brain surgeon and "boob doctor", he's spared with Chuck Norris and won, he tamed a heard of cattle by smacking one on the head with the broad side of a machete (this made them respect him) and (probably my personal favorite) once bagged a 30 pound quail.
That's literally just off the top of my head. We have a book with almost a decade of these stories in it. Could go on for days...
Voltage_Ultimatum · 2 points · Posted at 18:23:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Bet this guy wears caps backwards and wears 3/4 shorts.
Ryoutarou97 · 7 points · Posted at 16:41:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Where can I buy scissors that shout "Shit devil! Shit Devil!"?
[deleted] · 7 points · Posted at 18:19:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He told you that he abruptly ended a camping trip because he had a fake doctors appointment?
That seems believable, coming from someone with anxiety.
buttsabound · 3 points · Posted at 21:07:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I think OP meant that he was with this guy on this camping trip, where the campfire story happened, and it ended abruptly because he also lied about a doctor's appointment.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:32:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That makes more sense actually haha
SpaceShuttleValet · 2 points · Posted at 17:24:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I believe the shit thing. I would go days and days without pooping as a kid, as a result, I've cut up plenty of terds
CasuallyCapitalistic · 1 points · Posted at 08:04:17 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
/u/gobbluth69?
averhan · 2 points · Posted at 17:24:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Scheissteufel! Scheissteufel!
ahcomochingas · 2 points · Posted at 18:46:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
i have a guess on why he wanted to leave the camping trip as soon as possible...
jigglelow · 2 points · Posted at 18:54:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The fake doctor's appointment and the fire rock may have been related.
worktillyouburk · 1 points · Posted at 17:44:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
well as a teenager, ive done 24 hrs of sex, as in i did nothing else except fuk all day but their was breaks ect. thats when you got shit else to do.
Anouther · 4 points · Posted at 18:07:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah all of that seems realistic though unlikely, even the pain one, until they found out he can feel pain first hand. There are people who can't feel pain and it's actually dangerous.
Clogging the toilet happens all the time. Working in hot weather... well Australians might need hydration in 200 degrees, would people just burn alive?
xRooney2x · 1 points · Posted at 18:45:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Thank you for this lol, this was hilarious
KenpatchiRama-Sama · 1 points · Posted at 19:00:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
His worst character trait is still his use of retarded measurement systems
biddee · 1 points · Posted at 19:09:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Actually, the German grandma bit might be legit. My boyfriend's German aunt came to stay with us in London and I was going to cook them a special dinner so went and got some live lobsters from the fish market. When it came to killing them, I was horribly squeamish about putting them in the boiling water, so was looking for a hammer so I could hammer a knife through their brains. The aunt came in to the kitchen calling me a 'fish killer, fish killer', basically asking if I was looking for something to kill the lobsters - I, however, was horribly traumatized and my boyfriend ended up cooking.
Hammedatha · 1 points · Posted at 19:12:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The shit one could be true. I've taken shits that piled up above the water, and I have a friend who regularly has to use an implement to break up his before it will flush.
ReusableCatMilk · 1 points · Posted at 19:17:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Why are you friends with him
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 19:28:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
oh the monster shit. im a believer. 11th grade. 8:45 in the morning. gotta take a piss. walk to the bathroom. just a normal day. nobody inside, perfect. open hc stall farthest to the right of the room. open stall door. 1000 years of mans ass spews from le toilet. the aroma alone would be able to knock out even scared to look what lies ahead. take a glance. most magnificent totem pole shit basking 4 inches gloriously above the water. has a diameter of 4 inches. no normal man could have done this, not but a monster. fuck it. time for a challenge. summon four.5 inch glory. feel my wrath ye unholy abomination. cut that shit clean in half with tainted jetstream. NEED. MORE. POWER. holds on to side rail for support. shit everywhere. shit has been dominated. kick the flush. punch door open. wash and lather hands. walk out like it was nothing. never told a soul until now.
Wnmodsuc · 1 points · Posted at 19:28:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My German grandmother warned me that she would cut the turd off my arse with scissors if I took too long taking a dump.
janedoethefirst · 1 points · Posted at 19:31:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Two things:
1) wait, he had sex while snorting cocaine out of her ass? Dude sounds flexible as fuck.
2) I knew a girl who said she couldn't feel pain because she was possessed and I put a hot lighter to her hand (I feel so bad, I was young and awful at the time) and she didn't fucking flinch. Not even a blink. Bitch didn't feel pain!
ThatGuyKaral · 1 points · Posted at 19:48:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Was she possessed by a shit devil?
janedoethefirst · 1 points · Posted at 21:28:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
well she didn't eat shit so no...?
lordatomosk · 1 points · Posted at 19:33:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
If grandma was up on her demonology, she would've been invoking Belphegor, demon of shit
MyBunnyRules · 1 points · Posted at 19:42:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
oh lord...these are the lies from a 5 years old LOL
Whatsamattahere · 1 points · Posted at 19:43:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
24 hours of straight sex? HAHAHAH Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight.
okiefryjack · 1 points · Posted at 19:55:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Is this guy in Phoenix? Sounds like someone I know.
BloodySpies · 1 points · Posted at 20:03:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What if you are the compulsive liar, who lies about having a compulsive liar friend that tells ridiculous stories?
Haskillbrother · 1 points · Posted at 20:12:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've done all that same stuff too.
ShitFacedEsco · 1 points · Posted at 20:13:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I could believe the having sex with a girl on a dancefloor. People be nasty.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:16:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
These people are kinda sad. They make these stories up so that they would look more significant and meaningful to their friends, I think..
ThatGuyKaral · 1 points · Posted at 20:18:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It was unfortunate. He was a genuinely nice and caring person. If only he stopped lying constantly, we'd probably still be friends.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:33:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I like how poorly he thought through that last one.
sagarsash · 1 points · Posted at 20:35:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That one is actually believable.
Curtainpole · 1 points · Posted at 20:41:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I took a shit once that I had to chop up with a pencil because it didn't flush Only just realised his came out of the toilet and now Ive told everyone my about my poo
IntrigueDossier · 1 points · Posted at 20:47:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wait. Out of her ass?
LexxiiConn · 1 points · Posted at 20:52:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Look, I had a German grandmother, that one is plausible.
ToneBox627 · 1 points · Posted at 20:58:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You friends with chunk from the goonies or something.
DarkskinJesus · 1 points · Posted at 21:02:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Having sex on a dance floor isn't too absurd. I almost did it before. The only thing that stopped me was that I wasn't drunk enough to not care that it wasn't socially acceptable
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:20:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm a guy with no refractory period and an overactive sex drive. This led to all sorts of problems for me and once led me to jack off for 19 hours straight. Let me tell you, it is possible to have sex for 24 hours straight. What's impossible is finding a woman who's willing to do it. I've yet to find a woman who finds more than 45 minutes of straight sex to be pleasurable.
Kraymur · 1 points · Posted at 21:21:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Should've kicked him in the balls while saying "You feel it yet?"
cheeseburgerwaffles · 1 points · Posted at 21:32:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I wonder if this is my friend because he used this exact same lie to me and tried to prove it in a similar manner.
Reyaweks · 1 points · Posted at 21:32:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I died. Was he doing roof work on another planet?
UFCFan25918 · 1 points · Posted at 21:35:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
3 4 and 5 seem believable
Jtoad · 1 points · Posted at 21:39:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A bunch of my friends worked at a Wendys. One of the was told to clean the men's room. He went onside then came right back out with a thousand yard stare. We asked him what was wrong, he said go look in the stall. Someone had shit a huge shit. It was sideways. It would bend like a suspension bridge when you flushed. It would not go down the drain. It would not break apart. We were amazed and disgusted at the same time. Someone finally got a plastic knife and slayed the beast. Best day ever.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:39:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The shit thing is so absurd to me, why would you tell someone that if it actually did happen? That would so embarrassing and your asshole would be fucked up. That's such bad choice for a lie.
toms4242 · 1 points · Posted at 21:45:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
200 degrees. That's why they call me mister Fahrenheit
Unthinkable-Thought · 1 points · Posted at 21:48:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Maybe....he received anal sex for 24 hours straight.
Would qualify...
notmyrealnam3 · 1 points · Posted at 22:00:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
did he lie as in this didn't happen or lie as in it did happen? I feel like I'm lost in lieception right now
Too_Many_Cooks1327 · 1 points · Posted at 22:15:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The poop one is almost believable. I have had to cut a poop with a knife before to get it to flush
AnyOldIron · 1 points · Posted at 22:22:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dave?
FuriousFireyFeline · 1 points · Posted at 22:38:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The cocaine one got me. Dubai was liiiiiiiit!
poopycocacola · 1 points · Posted at 22:42:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ok so about the shit devil, I once had a friend named "David" who ate lots and lots of red meat at yogurt as a kid which I guess give you massive shits. So massive that he woud constantly block the toilet. Well imagine my surprise when I learned that his mother would force him to take a butter knife and cut up his shits before flushing,.
Highbard · 1 points · Posted at 22:42:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I really hope he meant off her ass.
__Osiris__ · 1 points · Posted at 22:43:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I can believe the shit devil story as iv seen ones that big at boarding school and then clogging the toilet and then floating out onto the floor.
21andaccard · 1 points · Posted at 22:45:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I did literally have sex on the dance floor once, I can believe that story
damnedangel · 1 points · Posted at 22:47:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Glad I'm not the only dumb ass to fall for the campfire rock trick.
The first time, shortly after the fire is lit, its all good. The next time, several hours/beers later, all is not good.
navygent · 1 points · Posted at 22:54:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You have to be around someone like that just for the entertainment value, the German grandmother thing was hilarious.
CanadianArtGirl · 1 points · Posted at 23:11:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This sounds like a plot for a summer teen movie that's a series of dick and fart jokes with boobs! Write that script and cash in!
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:19:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sounds more like he's got a case of the stupids
angstyart · 1 points · Posted at 23:23:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Just..what the fuck?
StochasticOoze · 1 points · Posted at 23:33:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
did you congratulate him on his priapism?
cleembert · 1 points · Posted at 23:42:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That third one seems realistic, tbh.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:46:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is so funny. It demonstrates a clear lack of understanding of the mechanics of sex, snorting coke, and dancing.
XxsquirrelxX · 1 points · Posted at 23:48:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
WTF? Where did he practice roofing, Venus?
literallylateral · 1 points · Posted at 23:51:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sex for 24 hours straight just sounds like it would get boring.
LeiLeiVB · 1 points · Posted at 23:52:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I do remember reading a story on reddit about someone who took a massive dump and then had to cut it up with scissors because it wouldn't flush. No German, name-calling grandma though.
Ninauposkitzipxpe · 1 points · Posted at 23:57:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm inclined to believe the Shit Devil story.
GrumpyKatze · 1 points · Posted at 00:04:14 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Lmao there's always that one kid who saw the real pyro in boy scouts pull something off and thinks they can too.
Ex;
Inhaling gas from a lighter and having flame breath. This didn't end well.
Covering hand in bug spray and having a flaming Palm for a half second.
Actually starting a fire.
And others.
baconbum · 1 points · Posted at 00:12:23 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'd be curious for context on some of these. Sex for 24 hours straight seems plausible given some hydration breaks in between. Not something easily accomplished, or something you'd do all the time, but it's somewhat plausible as long as you don't imagine they're going at the ENTIRE 24 hours. The roofing thing is a bit ridiculous with the heat, but he could potentially fall into her bed. I doubt it would lead to anything, but again plausible. The dance floor thing happens quite frequently, though I'd really hope it's off her ass, not out of it. Ending the camping trip is just a douche move, the shit story is weird as fuck and I'd question the sanity of his grandmother. And the rock one is just beautiful instant justice for claiming to be impervious to pain when you're not lol.
Dexiro · 1 points · Posted at 00:16:57 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I feel like this one is common from compulsive liars, I've heard it a few times.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:27:21 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
It honestly just sounds like this guy does a lot of drugs.
LifeBeginsAt10kRPM · 1 points · Posted at 00:31:20 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Out of her asss? That doesn't sound nice.
Kandierter_Holzapfel · 1 points · Posted at 00:43:46 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Other people at least cut their poop themself with a scissor.
https://np.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1v5zt2/if_a_crime_happened_at_your_home_what_would_be/cep3si7
There are also other unexpected houshold items helpfull while on the toilet. https://np.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1v2tee/what_is_something_you_will_never_tell_your/ceo7pt2
OneGoodRib · 1 points · Posted at 00:48:53 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've heard the one about snorting cocaine out of a girl's ass before. Weird.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:49:06 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
As I was reading this for some reason my eyes got lost and I read
420_EngineEar · 1 points · Posted at 00:50:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
To be fair, I have seen someone clog a toilet with a single turd
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:51:30 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
The shit one is believable. Some lies are grounded in truth.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:16:27 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
At least 2 of those things do actually happen to people from time to time.
exsea · 1 points · Posted at 01:48:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
i m a compulsive obvious liar. i do it to entertain my friends. 5 blatant lies and one trivia i learnt from reddit thrown in. when they doubt it i challenge them to google it. nowadays my friends google what i say whenever i say anything out of fear i m telling the truth
Donkeynutz33 · 1 points · Posted at 01:54:20 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
ive done the shit thing, google poop scissors
AmbiguousSeaTurtle · 1 points · Posted at 02:22:56 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
"You got him Ziggy, you're a legend on these docks"
brickmack · 1 points · Posted at 02:47:50 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That third one sounds plausible. I had a foot long shit once, even without toilet paper it barely flushed
tomato_paste · 1 points · Posted at 03:39:37 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
TBH, although there is exaggeration, all of these are plausible.
lassofthelake · 1 points · Posted at 03:52:22 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This guy sounds like a riot!
Rafaeliki · 1 points · Posted at 04:05:43 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh god I used to work with this insanely hot blonde that one time took a shit so big she had to break it up with a stick in order to be able to flush it. I didn't believe her at first but then she showed me pictures and I wished I hadn't been so doubtful.
daytdog · 3021 points · Posted at 10:51:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
That he and his friend have a YouTube channel with 100k subscribers, but he forgot the name since he only does the recording and editing - his friend supposedly uploads the videos. Oh, and he forgot his friend's last name but his first name is definitely John.
Edit: have not has
BlueHighwindz · 1523 points · Posted at 14:05:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Turns out he's the real brains behind JonTron.
TheWorstG8mer · 914 points · Posted at 16:32:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
HE'S DA FUCKING BIRD
mirrormimi · 318 points · Posted at 17:56:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
THE BIRD IS JONTRON
Raknarg · 9 points · Posted at 00:02:44 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
colonelspaz01 · 7 points · Posted at 01:30:31 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
NO FUCK YOU. I AAAAAAIINT HAAAVIN THAAAT SHIT!
VikingBraixen · 5 points · Posted at 04:32:54 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
You can leave a complaint in the complaint box. But I don't check that shit! (•_•) ( •_•)>⌐■-■ (⌐■_■)
JediGuyB · 1 points · Posted at 05:39:35 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Gave the man interspecies VR porn!
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 23:17:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Actually,
SkytechCEO · 4 points · Posted at 23:22:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The bird snaps in two GYROS
Jaro5e · 2 points · Posted at 03:12:50 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I bet he plays bastion
HappyAust · -4 points · Posted at 23:34:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
the bird is the word
ThatBlobEbola-chan · 4 points · Posted at 04:53:37 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This comment makes me feel bad.
HappyAust · -2 points · Posted at 06:49:07 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
hadn't you heard?
ActualKrillin · 38 points · Posted at 21:07:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
fuck you /u/TheWorstG8mer i do not read your comments because you are black
(source)
Ferenhal · 8 points · Posted at 22:50:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Shouldn't you be dead?
ActualKrillin · 3 points · Posted at 22:55:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
havent heard that one before
Ferenhal · 4 points · Posted at 22:57:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hey man, it's the life you chose.
ChefBoyAreWeFucked · 1 points · Posted at 00:28:18 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Isn't he alive again?
Ferenhal · 1 points · Posted at 01:25:20 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Last I remember he gets killed in GT by super android 17, not sure when they brought him back.
ChefBoyAreWeFucked · 2 points · Posted at 01:27:43 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I think the official line is that GT didn't happen anymore.
Ferenhal · 1 points · Posted at 02:43:08 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yah, but I haven't seen the new one yet.
RaygeQuit · 3 points · Posted at 00:11:49 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
But if he watched your 500k Face Reveal video, he would know you're actually Puerto Rican. Oooooh.
Bnavis · 1 points · Posted at 09:32:18 on June 27, 2016 · (Permalink)
*of Puerto Rican descent. Casual.
Ghili · 15 points · Posted at 19:49:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hey Jon, you might like Bastion.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 20:37:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
*Music intensifies
Adbrite · 10 points · Posted at 18:40:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
THE BIRD IS JAMJON
paperplanetatoe · 0 points · Posted at 04:05:12 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
HE'S FUCKING DA BIRD* FTFY
yowisy · 18 points · Posted at 16:28:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He's Timothy Brentwood
TheDeltaLambda · 7 points · Posted at 18:41:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Timothy fucking Brentwood
Lunch_BoxMoney · 9 points · Posted at 16:30:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Its actually the bird behind JonTron, the face you see is just a figure.
Ibney00 · 2 points · Posted at 20:14:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
actually the bird snaps in two.
jose-uribe21 · 9 points · Posted at 17:46:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
JONTRON IS THE FUCKING BIRD,PEOPLE
MilkmanGaming · 4 points · Posted at 16:25:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He's friends with Jacques?
Maztah_P · 4 points · Posted at 16:31:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
he's the parrot
Imperium_Dragon · 3 points · Posted at 19:32:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm sorry, but you mean Timothy Brentwood?
itswhywegame · 2 points · Posted at 04:39:25 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh my god he's the clever boy!
LepriXXBeats · 1 points · Posted at 20:46:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Fool me once, I'm mad...
thrashinbatman · 1 points · Posted at 22:37:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'll have you know I am actually of Puerto Rican descent.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:45:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm spooked solid.
ClitHappens · 1 points · Posted at 01:14:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Tron.. Tron yeah that's it! That's his last name..
dudeofedud · 370 points · Posted at 13:15:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is worst kind of an compulsive liar, when you ask him something and he says ehh I forget it and so on.....
[deleted] · 293 points · Posted at 15:27:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"I'm a trained assassin. My entire family's with the CIA, and I'm a black belt in five martial arts. I could kill you if I wanted to."
Oh yeah? So let's fight, then.
"Nah man you ain't worth my time." (walks off)
[deleted] · 28 points · Posted at 16:18:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's when you do chicken noises
DoctorWaluigiTime · 13 points · Posted at 19:30:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What's wrong McFly?
Alphadog3300n · 6 points · Posted at 22:47:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Nobody calls him chicken.
SadGhoster87 · 2 points · Posted at 23:10:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is between us, Scarfy. Don't try to outrhyme me.
Alphadog3300n · 2 points · Posted at 23:19:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Eyyyyyy you spotted me again.
Mike_hunt_hurtz · 5 points · Posted at 06:14:32 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know karate, judo, and about five other deadly words
Mackem101 · 2 points · Posted at 09:03:01 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well I'm a black belt in karaoke.
biddee · 3 points · Posted at 22:53:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Do you know my friend? He grew up in the Caribbean but now lives in the States. According to him he was also a navy seal.
THANKS-FOR-THE-GOLD · 2 points · Posted at 02:24:32 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
What the fuck did you just say?
biddee · 2 points · Posted at 13:12:34 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
The guy he is talking about could seriously be my friend. He comes up with exactly this sort of bs story.
Lee_Sinna · 3 points · Posted at 03:25:24 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I mean, what if they really are? What are they supposed to do? Kill you?
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 13:45:55 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a dude once tell me, in all seriousness, that he could punch my arm and it would break three days later. It was apparently some mystical kung fu he learned from an old guy he couldn't/wouldn't name.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 16:22:08 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Careful. He can kill you in over 700 ways, and that's just with his bare hands.
Dowehaveamascotyet · 1 points · Posted at 06:33:03 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
How did you get the new Bourne Movie script!?
[deleted] · -1 points · Posted at 00:54:36 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That is fine until the day he gets fed up with your shit and decides that now you are worth his time.
Trainkid9 · 12 points · Posted at 18:39:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I went to camp with a kid that claimed he could program in 2 languages. We asked what they were and he said that he forgot because of how long ago he learned (he was 13). So I said, "one is probably the most common language, CSGO and the other is probably DotA or TLoZ" He informed us that he had forgotten that he knew all three.
Herp_in_my_Derp · 5 points · Posted at 02:22:13 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Easy way to know if someone doesn't know shit about coding is if they brag about the number of languages they can code in.
tokedalot · 5 points · Posted at 16:16:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Seriously, no imagination at all...
randomXKCD1 · 2 points · Posted at 22:15:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ya if you're going to be a compulsive liar, at least be a good storyteller.
MamaBear4485 · 1 points · Posted at 16:51:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Idiot ex used to blab all sorts of nonsense and then if you challenged him on anything or asked for clarification you were either "trying to mess with his head", a liar or he "forgot".
If you went back to a point - even one he'd just made a moment ago you were twisting his words....like trying to deal with a 15year old girl during PMS, only 24/7. If attack as defense didn't work he'd escalate into screaming 4 year old complete with smashing things.
At one point he even came out with this gem "well it's your fault for not checking up on me because you should have known I'd lie and you know better than to believe me" What a loser.
BluntTruthGentleman · 1 points · Posted at 05:47:16 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hillary in a nutshill
possiblysabrina · 1 points · Posted at 05:47:47 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My dad is the same way. He lies to everyone about everything including me. I catch him sometimes because he forgets what he's told people and can't keep track. If he smells I caught him, he gets super mad and defensive, says to me I don't know where I heard the information from, and calls me a liar. Go figure.
RomanPrincess · 379 points · Posted at 11:14:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Is his last name Doe by any chance?
Durfsurn · 128 points · Posted at 12:44:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Smith perhaps?
2000and16 · 2 points · Posted at 19:57:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I think it was appleseed...
SomeRandomUserGuy · 682 points · Posted at 12:52:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
No, Cena.
Simontacchi · 625 points · Posted at 13:48:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
🎺🎺-🎺🎺
grifficusprime · 6 points · Posted at 15:46:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have to ask...How do make the trumpet symbols?
namesareforlosers · 8 points · Posted at 16:37:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You type: /[trumpet] without the slash for the trumpet.🎺 🎺 🎺
[deleted] · 11 points · Posted at 16:46:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
[removed]
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 17:00:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yes it did
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 17:05:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
what about different sizes?
[trumpet] [trumpet]
Did it work?
TheTrueKitKat · 8 points · Posted at 18:46:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Trumpet to the power of trumpet. So meta.
foreignlander · 1 points · Posted at 17:08:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Nope :(
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:12:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[trumpet]
namesareforlosers · 1 points · Posted at 17:34:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It worked!!
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 19:16:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
yeyy!!!
ri7ani · 1 points · Posted at 19:28:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[trumpet] how about mine?
ZachAttrax · 1 points · Posted at 22:50:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[trumpet] [trump]
DeedTheInky · 1 points · Posted at 20:20:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have to try this now: [trumpet]
edit: :(
Roarlord · 8 points · Posted at 17:37:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I am very disappointed that [trombone] does fuck all.
namesareforlosers · 3 points · Posted at 17:42:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
/[mixtape] does work tho 🔥💿🔥
Thrownawayactually · 2 points · Posted at 01:53:34 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Fi.
avatam123 · 1 points · Posted at 04:46:55 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I feel you, we don't get enough love.
Roarlord · 1 points · Posted at 05:02:10 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I am actually a trumpet player. I just suck at it and wish I picked up trombone instead. Then I might have had something in common with the cute redhead back in middle school! Hahaha
avatam123 · 1 points · Posted at 14:26:05 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hey man, it's never too late! Pick one up at your local music store/craigslist and come join us on /r/Trombone!
Roarlord · 1 points · Posted at 14:59:32 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
As tempting as it is, I think I'll try to figure out how to play the three guitars I have taunting me from my closet first.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 19:21:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
They're emojis, I don't know how to make them on a PC but there should be an emoji keyboard on most smartphones
Nerdsbenerds · 3 points · Posted at 20:46:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
🎺⚽️🏀🏐⚾️🏉⚾️🏄🏼⛸🏹🏒
Maztah_P · 5 points · Posted at 16:30:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
even though all i see is 4 squares, I know they're trumpets lol
JustHereForTheCandy · 6 points · Posted at 16:13:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I don't know how, but you just made me read emojis to the actual tune of that song.
suudo · 8 points · Posted at 16:31:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
🎺 🎺 🎺 🎺
0raichu · 3 points · Posted at 01:33:37 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
HutchMeister24 · 1 points · Posted at 17:00:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Why are they hyphenated?
MrIii · 1 points · Posted at 18:53:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Those aren't keys.
Icalhacks · 1 points · Posted at 02:18:49 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
If you want to do Cena trumpets, you have to do them right
🎺 🎺 🎺 🎺
🎺 🎺 🎺 🎺
grifficusprime · 1 points · Posted at 15:48:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have to ask...How do you make the trumpet?
Simontacchi · 2 points · Posted at 16:00:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Emojis on my phone 💩
TheTrueKitKat · 1 points · Posted at 18:48:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Phone scrublord (f*ck 👯 get 💸)
I_Seen_Things · 3 points · Posted at 13:56:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Out of nowhere!
eroticdiscourse · 1 points · Posted at 03:43:06 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's why you can't see the channel
MaxV331 · 1 points · Posted at 14:13:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Potato Salad?
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 14:27:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Now no one can see him.
Sky_hawkZ · 1 points · Posted at 13:47:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
No its Cena.
souHad · 1 points · Posted at 18:35:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Or Tron, maybe?
ScarletCaptain · 1 points · Posted at 19:16:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The front man for X?
Blubbpaule · 48 points · Posted at 12:18:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
JOHN CENA!
BlooFlea · 0 points · Posted at 13:34:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
🎺🎺 🎺🎺
oh_no_not_canola_oil · -4 points · Posted at 12:43:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
http://imgur.com/gallery/i0zaj9n
oh_no_not_canola_oil · -5 points · Posted at 12:44:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
http://imgur.com/gallery/i0zaj9n
E4tabrizi · 1 points · Posted at 15:17:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"it puts the butter onto it's skin or else it gets to reddit again"
tokyorockz · 3 points · Posted at 15:31:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
You're friends with Arin Hanson
MyNameIsZaxer2 · 1 points · Posted at 03:22:47 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Arin's shitty, discount younger brother.
tokyorockz · 1 points · Posted at 03:46:52 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Danny?
theongoingsaga · 3 points · Posted at 16:00:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a Youtube channel that had a few videos with over a million views (back then this was kinda a big deal) and all my videos averaged about 100,000 + views. NOBODY who knew me in real life knew about this channel. I never told anyone about it. I've told a handful of people since then but I wonder if they even believe me. lol I have not logged into it in many years and don't remember the password. haha
PM_ME_STEAM_CODES__ · 3 points · Posted at 17:25:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I met a 12 year old who said this, but with 300k.
ThatGuyNamedJoey · 3 points · Posted at 14:49:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Is his last name by chance... Tron?
Insi6nia · 1 points · Posted at 14:26:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
His friend's name is Jon, and yet he's the one who knows nothing...
zooper26 · 1 points · Posted at 16:14:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
tron?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:13:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Set a 1 year reminder to see if I hit that mark
Haskillbrother · 1 points · Posted at 20:14:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have a youtube channel just like that. John runs it too
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:49:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Was not was?
SadGhoster87 · 1 points · Posted at 23:09:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Cena
mfb- · 1 points · Posted at 23:10:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He also forgot his browser history.
TheNew_bcwyfkpagh · 1 points · Posted at 01:28:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Was your friend named "Barry" by any chance?
babywhiz · 1 points · Posted at 04:47:12 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Was Not Was
kay1athegeek · 0 points · Posted at 22:32:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What's the channel called?
[deleted] · -4 points · Posted at 13:24:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I actually have a friend that I've grown up knowing. He has 500k subs and we do actually film shit for his channel all the time. So this isn't that unbelievable
I guess not knowing his name is suspicious though
rob311 · 8 points · Posted at 13:31:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah but I'm sure you know the channel's and your friend's name.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:32:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Lol true. I guess that's the unbelieveable part
BretticusWins · 2 points · Posted at 15:27:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What channel are you talking about in regards to yourself?
[deleted] · -1 points · Posted at 16:10:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Jerma is a friend of mine
BretticusWins · 1 points · Posted at 22:38:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sweet! I've heard of them.
billbapapa · 1857 points · Posted at 12:49:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In university - there was a guy who told all sort of outrageous stories about all the 'chicks he banged' at the bar. All the girl's he would take home.
He was a decent guy outside it, but his stories didn't actually make him sound good in any way. It was just weird he did it.
But it went from just "took home this awesome blonde"
to "met this model and took her home"
to "took home two cheerleaders - yeah man, three way!"
to "man, i stepped it up, 3 chicks at the same time!"
But then, he told us, "You know 'Jane' (not her name, but a girl in one of our labs who we all knew and was very nerdy hot)?"
"Yes..."
"Well she was at the pool hall last night, and she saw me, and came over and wanted to have a game. She was pretty drunk and we got flirting and she actually bet me on a game. If I won she'd..."
anyways the thing is, I can't even remember how it went sadly, but it was MY FUCKING STORY. It'd happened to me the weekend before, and somehow it basically ended up with me striking out (that's the kinda guy I am, I talk about the strikeouts), but it was also a funny story. So I tell my buddies cause I finally have something worth sharing. And here is this asshole telling the story back to me, and EXACTLY THE SAME, even with the way he struck out.
Thankfully our other friend called him out on it. "That was Billbapapa's story man, are you even trying anymore with the shit you make up?"
Guy was mortified, and it somehow went all the way to him crying cause he was a virgin.
What an idiot.
sashafrank123 · 885 points · Posted at 19:23:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Bill, wtf? I pm'd you this story last week..
billbapapa · 393 points · Posted at 19:31:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Shit, honest mistake I swear! I honestly thought I'd never come across you again after you told me!
FrenchFriesSuck · 132 points · Posted at 21:49:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You goddamn virgin Bill
billbapapa · 38 points · Posted at 21:53:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
No, I swear to god, I had sex with one girl one time and she was like a super model, okay, she was okay looking, okay, she was horrible, but she was female I'm pretty sure and it counts, totally!
RexDraco · 21 points · Posted at 22:47:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
HEY! That was me, you liar, and I'm not a female!
[deleted] · 4 points · Posted at 03:36:28 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
come on man, that's rexdraco. he totally told me. are you even trying anymore?
Scientolojesus · 6 points · Posted at 21:44:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
SHUT UP VIRGIN!
billbapapa · 5 points · Posted at 21:47:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
:`(
LeVarBurtonWasAMaybe · 3 points · Posted at 22:51:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Are you even trying anymore with the shit you make up?
-TheWrongThingToSay- · 3 points · Posted at 21:21:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Honest mistake. Do you want breakfast? And you remember that rent's due in a week, right?
colonialsprinkle · 2 points · Posted at 22:03:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I MADE THAT BREAKFAST!
ihatethesidebar · 2 points · Posted at 02:03:51 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
For fuck's sake Bill, you said you wouldn't do this anymore last time, when's it gonna stop?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:16:32 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
virgin
SleazyMak · 8 points · Posted at 20:39:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sasha how could you do this. I told you this story a month ago...
BlUeSapia · 5 points · Posted at 21:33:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
for fucks sake mac get your own god damn stories
TheGardenBlinked · 3 points · Posted at 23:54:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
How many times, BlUe? I know my stories are good, but this ownership fixation you've got needs shutting down.
banjohusky95 · 1 points · Posted at 00:41:42 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dude. I emailed you that fucking story and here you are sharing it with others? The fuck man?!?
schnadamschnandler · 1 points · Posted at 02:56:12 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Reference? Please.
Makabajones · 19 points · Posted at 19:23:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I hate story thieves, I lost a friend when I called him out on telling me my story from about a week previous.
arealcheesecake · 5 points · Posted at 20:05:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dude bill is a thief too read the other comment
ProtoJazz · 2 points · Posted at 01:44:16 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Man I had a kid in one of my highschool classes tell me the same story Id told him not 20min ago.
shady_platypus · 9 points · Posted at 20:49:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Justice. So satisfying.
Danobing · 4 points · Posted at 19:55:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
And whack! It hits her in the eye. And her contact? It's, like, stuck on the end of my dick!
billbapapa · 5 points · Posted at 20:09:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Shit, did I tell you this one before?
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 20:39:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Now there's a movie i haven't thought about in a long time.
Danobing · 1 points · Posted at 23:08:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It matters because it happened to ME. That was my story. I told that story a year ago, man!
Yeah for some reason it popped up right away when I read his story.
Blues88 · 5 points · Posted at 22:19:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The origin for 79% of this entire thread.
Katm234 · 4 points · Posted at 01:05:02 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Your other friend is cool. Good for him.
nianp · 3 points · Posted at 01:57:36 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Bahahaha. I had a similar thing happen to me. I can't remember what the actual anecdote was but a week later a guy I worked with told the story to a bunch of the female bartenders from our inhouse bar (I was working at a backpacking hostel).
I just let him finish, get whatever kudos was coming to him and then started quizzing him about elements of the story. After a while I got bored, called my friend over from the bar and we outed him.
PaulDraper · 2 points · Posted at 23:03:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What's striking out?
billbapapa · 2 points · Posted at 23:11:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Another way of saying you blew it, failed, etc.
lowdownporto · 2 points · Posted at 03:09:47 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Thats the thing about compulsive liars, they will steal stories and then forget where they stole it from and tell it like it is their own. I had a friend do this a few times. After a while it's just pathetic.
But I have also talked to a person who claimed they use to be a compulsive liar and say it got so bad they couldn't keep their lies straight and forget who they were lying to about which thing and it became impossible to keep it all straight with different people.... and then later I found out that most of the other things he was telling me in that same conversation on different topics was also lies... that person is my father-in-law.
ARealBillsFan · 2 points · Posted at 06:04:33 on June 25, 2016 · (Permalink)
plz tell me this guy's name was Chris
PurpleDan · 1 points · Posted at 21:19:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I totally knew someone like this but can't remember who they are.
They sucked that bad, but caught him telling my stories multiple times.
TheHornyToothbrush · 1 points · Posted at 05:56:57 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I feel bad for him:(
I_am_jacks_reddit · 1 points · Posted at 06:39:58 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have in the past told a story I could have sworn happen to me but as it turns out it happen to my best friend and I was just there. It's weird how your memory can do that too you some times.
at1445 · 1 points · Posted at 07:25:11 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Haha, same thing happened to me in HS. Gotta love when the liars can't even come up with their own stories anymore.
GrillzAndChainz · 1 points · Posted at 09:26:59 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I will never understand why people lie about hook-ups. How can you make up an event of that magnitude and just lie about it and be cool with yourself? Its embarassing and whack when you get caught in a lie like that too. I have a friend who lies about that shit, and I just can't understand it.
fuyu_no_umi · 1 points · Posted at 10:07:37 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I thought this is referring to Barney Stinson until the girl from the lab part...so is your strikeout with Jane because you Mosby-ed her?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 11:53:29 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Haha yep. One of my friends did this to me too, just the same he retold my story to me only 1 week after I told him. On top of being a habitual liar but must have the shortest memory also haha
SurvivorPrisonMike · 1 points · Posted at 05:50:26 on June 29, 2016 · (Permalink)
Maybe his stories were just scenerios in porn he saw the night before?
innocentblackmale · 4004 points · Posted at 11:18:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My roommate told me he filled a metal trash can with "10 pounds of weed" , lit it on fire, and then got high off of the smoke. I don't think he knew how impractical or absurdly expensive that would be, but he insisted that he did it.
DoubleParadox · 2191 points · Posted at 12:51:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Who needs 45k anyway right?
Edit: Just learned what rip my inbox is
[deleted] · 694 points · Posted at 13:23:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
ArtfullyUseless · 751 points · Posted at 13:32:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There would probably be some sort of bulk discount but about that if you're paying $35 an eighth.
TheDiddler69710 · 276 points · Posted at 14:09:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah, but it's pretty common to get an ounce of decent ganj for $200 or so, I'd assume buying a pound is even cheaper by weight.
Renesis2Rotor · 311 points · Posted at 15:34:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Depends on quality.
Outdoor 1000
Shit indoor 1200
Good outdoor 1400
Good indoor/AAA outdoor 1500-1600
AAA indoor 1800-2400
That's Canadian.
TheMagicJesus · 16 points · Posted at 17:59:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's incredibly different from state to state, who you buy it from, and what connections you have
[deleted] · 4 points · Posted at 21:27:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
powerfunk · 4 points · Posted at 21:33:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
AAA in Canadian parlance is highish-grade commercial weed. AA = "beasters" and AAAA (or "quads") is on par with similarly priced good Californian.
[deleted] · 4 points · Posted at 22:53:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"beasters" Have not heard that since like 2005 lol, wow. memories, how about dem M-39's
BlindN1Eye · 1 points · Posted at 01:15:41 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
yea in MD I paid $60 per 8th in Florida it's $40
[deleted] · 151 points · Posted at 16:19:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
Davidstp · 8 points · Posted at 19:23:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Fucking savage!
Sorry
Ltdslip · -5 points · Posted at 01:14:46 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Their currency is a joke! It means nothing to me!
Dingaste · -6 points · Posted at 20:12:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hahaha, lol!
daemon7 · 7 points · Posted at 19:11:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm learning so much right now.
frozenHelen · 23 points · Posted at 20:55:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Don't talk to me in your made up numbers, Ganja Man.
PanchoSativa · 3 points · Posted at 21:03:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Mexican dirt weed ~$250/lb
TheDiddler69710 · 3 points · Posted at 18:39:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have a shit indoor plant, nice!
ohlookahipster · 2 points · Posted at 20:17:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I literally know nothing about weed. What's wrong with growing it outdoors?
Should I start growing my veggies indoors?
LongoSpeaksTruth · 1 points · Posted at 20:42:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Anything grown hydroponically indoors will generally yield higher volumes and better quality ......
ohlookahipster · 2 points · Posted at 20:56:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Is it because you can control all the variables?
LongoSpeaksTruth · 2 points · Posted at 20:59:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Pretty much so. You can control the temp, the lighting, the water, no bugs etc ....
this_might_just_work · 2 points · Posted at 23:15:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
All those examples are important, but controlling the light cycle is truly the benefit of indoor grows.
axf7228 · 2 points · Posted at 21:49:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Volume no, quality yes.
reincarN8ed · 1 points · Posted at 19:08:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This guy knows he weed.
chemtrails250 · 1 points · Posted at 19:15:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The man knows his weed.
maxk1236 · 1 points · Posted at 20:04:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Pretty similar to California prices.
Green3ymang · 1 points · Posted at 20:29:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Canada and Colorado are pretty close in price actually.
Edit: **
iHateReddit_srsly · 0 points · Posted at 21:45:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There are many other states closer to canada...
Green3ymang · 1 points · Posted at 21:48:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Really? Duh dude I'm just comparing it to my local prices.
420jakiroblazeit · 1 points · Posted at 20:35:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Basically the same in Colorado
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:35:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Down in Texas, a little north of Houston, I could get a pound of outdoor for roughly 600. Good money in highschool
Aliasbri1 · 1 points · Posted at 20:55:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Man, your getting ripped off. $60 is reasonable.
banditkoala · 1 points · Posted at 21:38:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
2700 good indoor in AUD
anooblol · 1 points · Posted at 21:44:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Found the drug dealer.
Hedgehogemperor · 1 points · Posted at 21:55:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This thread is top /r/trees material
_no_pants · 1 points · Posted at 22:20:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ah so it is in Dollarydoos then.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:28:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You're prices are correct but top shelf can be 3k max
this_might_just_work · 1 points · Posted at 23:11:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Those numbers line up with the market in Michigan fairly well.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:14:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Mexican brick is about $600 usd a pound.
whitechristianjesus · 1 points · Posted at 23:31:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Can you convert moose dollars to USD for me? Google doesn't recognize your currency as legitimate.
buzzkill_aldrin · 1 points · Posted at 01:18:03 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
If someone were going to start a trash can fire, I suspect they wouldn't be springing for primo stuff.
jcooli09 · 1 points · Posted at 01:40:53 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I sure wish I was in a position to know that.
Magenta_Corduroy · 1 points · Posted at 01:53:46 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah I'm decently close to Mexico and so we get random weed that's just been bricked up real right. So you never know the quality but a lb of just sort weed that is a humble of badass and no high at all is 500.
countvoncastro · 1 points · Posted at 02:49:13 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Late 90's price,
$1500.00 in Canada
$3000.00 when it gets over the WA/Peace Arch Border.
$7500.00 by the time it hits Los Angeles.
NameAlreadyTaken6 · 1 points · Posted at 03:53:01 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's Canadian.
xaudionegative · 1 points · Posted at 05:15:28 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's pretty close to USD, although top shelf AAA indoor in the US can run on average $2800-$3000. Definitely no where close to $4500 however.
TrancePhD · 1 points · Posted at 07:37:33 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Bout the same, stateside.
CousCousOtterCat · 1 points · Posted at 09:26:21 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Found the dealer
blaccvincentvega · 1 points · Posted at 20:33:49 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
TIL I have been getting a great deal...
OhSeeThat · 1 points · Posted at 20:01:18 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
Those are pre-legalization Oregon prices too. Exactly.
Fizzer_XCIV · -1 points · Posted at 16:41:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
TIL nobody charges 1700 Canadian big ones for a pound...
Witetrashman · -1 points · Posted at 18:50:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
And how much is that in Monopoly money?
[deleted] · -1 points · Posted at 19:12:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So how much is that in real money?
YourBoyTomTom · 11 points · Posted at 14:43:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Pound of super dank used to run me 3500-4500 on the east coast. Much cheaper out west.
ferngulley · 8 points · Posted at 14:46:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
1800-2200 per lb here in NorCal
whitehaitian · 3 points · Posted at 17:20:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oregon is like 1000-1600
ferngulley · 1 points · Posted at 19:06:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Selling to a legal store though, right?
YourBoyTomTom · 1 points · Posted at 14:54:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ughhhhh the money I could have made over here with those prices... I guess that's the point though.
chiaros · 9 points · Posted at 15:05:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a pot smoker in highschool who moved to my rich suburban, white city after getting caught drag racing. Apparently weed is roughly 2x as expensive here than in the city, so he and his friends started caravaning marijuana into the city. Motherfucker made enough to buy a mustang in cash at 17.
MRBORS · 4 points · Posted at 16:08:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well you could have been a cross country transporter. If you drive right and don't do anything suspicious it's really easy. I knew someone who was moving about 100lb a month to NYC from LA. They were paying 4K a pound and it cost him like 500 a pound because he had ties to a grower and just pumped out so much fucking product. They split profits 50/50 so bringing in ~130k a month after expenses a piece. I was a month away from getting a 10k a month position with him then he fucked my life.
ridetherhombus · 7 points · Posted at 16:16:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Story time?
Sickmoma · 2 points · Posted at 17:40:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah I think it's story time.
MRBORS · 2 points · Posted at 18:41:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Basically I was his right hand man doing everything he wanted taking him everywhere he wanted. I could be awake for 36 hours already and he calls me "hey lets go to Vegas, I wanna put my bets in" and I'm there ASAP. He does his thing while I sit back and we come back to Cali. Now I was dropping everything for him and his family and one day when something he had at my house came up missing he went ballistic. So now I'm working "normal" jobs.
EllisDee_4Doyin · 1 points · Posted at 17:58:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Replying so I can know what happens when he replies to you.
MerkinShampoo · 1 points · Posted at 16:02:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I live on the easy coast, area where a q is usually about $90 and a pound here runs for about $2500.
YourBoyTomTom · 2 points · Posted at 18:01:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Just all depends. This was also several years ago.
TheRealBrosplosion · 1 points · Posted at 00:29:54 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That is an expensive quarter and a cheap pound. Does not compute.
TheDiddler69710 · 1 points · Posted at 18:40:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yee, I'm from Washington State.
[deleted] · -4 points · Posted at 15:12:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
YourBoyTomTom · 2 points · Posted at 18:02:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Cool.
Treebeard2277 · 2 points · Posted at 16:05:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I gotchu fam, 1500 pounds
AirFell85 · 2 points · Posted at 16:45:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
wtf has happened to pot? 10 years ago an oz used to be like $80 tops unless you were buying some KB's or something.
Hook-Em · 2 points · Posted at 16:53:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
These guys are talking about mid to upper quality, it has never been $80 an ounce and never will. Now if you want some regi, it is still around $50-$70 an ounce.
NearlyNakedNick · 1 points · Posted at 20:14:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I used to get an ounce of regi for $30, but not any more. It's scarce now, and if I do find it, it's $80 an oz. I can find Colorado dispensary strains for $45 an 1/8th, or decent out door grown for $40 an 1/8th. I live in central Texas
Hook-Em · 1 points · Posted at 21:31:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Lol i also live in central texas. Austin to be exact. It is definitely easier to get higher quality, but i still see reg, esp in the smaller/poorer communities within an hour or so of the city.
NearlyNakedNick · 1 points · Posted at 03:12:07 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
User name checks out.
TheDiddler69710 · 1 points · Posted at 18:38:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I only started smoking in 2011 when I was 16, wouldn't know.
54NGU1N3P3NGU1N · 1 points · Posted at 08:09:47 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
It is. You will always get discounts for buying more of the product.
threepandas · 1 points · Posted at 16:48:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Here in the 707 it's like 1600 per pound
Gopher_Sales · 2 points · Posted at 02:16:38 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sup North Bay
threepandas · 1 points · Posted at 07:19:08 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
nadda waiting for the heat so my girls start get big
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:49:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
TheDiddler69710 · 1 points · Posted at 18:37:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Smoking, or burning 10 pounds at once?
Diversionthrow · 1 points · Posted at 00:30:51 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's really high in my experience (ha). It's probably good shit. Around my area you're looking at about $80/ounce, and that seems to last most of my people about a week.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:20:19 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That still seems like a lot for only a week's supply. I like beer and the really upper crust stuff is like $20 a six pack where I am at but that is still really trying. Most of the time it is about 10. I mean if it makes you happy I suppose but the price of admission seems like a lot.
RECOGNI7E · 1 points · Posted at 17:03:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
it is. A QP in 600-800. A pund would be 2000-3000
BenzieM · 1 points · Posted at 17:19:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
shitt i feel sorry for you guys we pay 150 for an ounce of amnesia behind counters of a coffeeshop. I
TheDiddler69710 · 1 points · Posted at 18:36:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah, it's getting easier to buy here but not cheaper.
titsonalog · 1 points · Posted at 17:43:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
200??? West Michigan comes through 145-175 tops
TheDiddler69710 · 1 points · Posted at 18:35:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Was it good? We got sour diesel for $250
imbetterthanmyself · 1 points · Posted at 17:51:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
150 for dispensary weed if you know the right people in washington
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:20:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
[removed]
TheDiddler69710 · 1 points · Posted at 18:33:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I live in Idaho so I only buy illegally, it's cheaper.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:55:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I may or may not have once known a guy that was stupid enough to get Mexican merch fedex'd to him from Texas. if I remember right (this was like 10 years ago) he told me he was paying $250 for a quarter pound.
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 15:08:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
MRBORS · 2 points · Posted at 16:10:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh how Cali stoners are spoiled. I've only gotten seeds once and that was from a 100oz.
TheDiddler69710 · 1 points · Posted at 18:40:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Whoa, that sucks. The most I ever paid for an eighth was $40.
yeahbitchphysics · 0 points · Posted at 17:29:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What the living, actual, holy fuck? I bought an ounce of the best weed I've had in my life for 20 bucks in my country. I feel sorry for you Americans.
XiggiSergei · 1 points · Posted at 18:29:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You live in Amsterdam? XD $20 USD an ounce for legitimate medical grade (am patient) makes me want to weep with joy. What I get for 20 is lucky to last me three days, amount per cost wise. The typical rate is 10 per gram.
yeahbitchphysics · 2 points · Posted at 19:14:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Haha no, in Central America. I didn't know weed was that expensive in the US.
XiggiSergei · 2 points · Posted at 19:31:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Even being poor is expensive here. It kind of sucks, actually. I'm in Colorado as well, which has full recreational legalization for 21+ years of age. We have a good black market and 10 a gram is pretty damn good for their prices; buying straight legal gets expensive. With people being allowed to grow their own weed up to a certain number of plants and legally able to set up, buying at legal prices is stupid to do. They still have laws against private sales, though. We always "receive a gift and then give a donation" when buying from people.
yeahbitchphysics · 2 points · Posted at 20:41:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
At least you can legally smoke, I had to smoke in this random old man's garage.
XiggiSergei · 1 points · Posted at 20:46:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
D: that sounds awkward as fuck. Was he the guy who sold it to you or really just random?
yeahbitchphysics · 1 points · Posted at 21:05:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Totally random, but it is kinda fun. We basically do it in public (the garage is just a roof), with no one bothering us. He's never home, so his driveway is empty, and I don't know how to explain it but the walls are built in a way that doesn't let anyone see us before we see them, so we can smoke and drink there and it is super calm. The guy is cool with it, he got home once and we were smoking and he just parked in his driveway and we said sorry and he just smiled and waved at us. We sit on these big-ass stairs under the guy's door and we play some music and chill until we get bored, then we hang out in the sidewalk in front of another house. It sounds odd because of how the houses in the US are arranged, but it's not as awkward as it sounds, those have been the best times I've had with my friends.
XiggiSergei · 1 points · Posted at 21:12:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ah, I see what you meant now. Yeah, in the US this isn't the best idea lmao
I actually hate how housing is done here and I want to fucking move. People are so greedy for space here that it's impossible for people without hundreds of thousands of dollars to own even a very small house with a microscopic yard, and getting that much money without working yourself to death or being very lucky is so hard. Not to mention land taxes, bills, repairs, etc. I wish people were cool about others being in "their" space but most American homeowners are real sensitive about that shit and you're liable to get arrested, threatened/shot or a dog let loose on you depending where you are.
Edit: also worth to note where I live I see people who have many acres of grassland property and the only thing done with it is cut the damn grass when too high and some just let the hay bales made after sit in the field and rot or get wet. They don't even try to sell the grass hay sometimes.
yeahbitchphysics · 1 points · Posted at 21:19:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah, I know what you mean, and that's why I don't like the US, too. People critize my country because it has gangs, but the culture is so different and just... nicer
TheDiddler69710 · 1 points · Posted at 18:36:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Riiiight, and where is this?
yeahbitchphysics · 1 points · Posted at 19:16:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
How can you even spend that much in weed? Is not even that fun. That's the main reason I smoked, because it was cheap and better than 10$ booze.
TheDiddler69710 · 1 points · Posted at 19:32:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well an ounce lasts me at least a month and it only takes two days of work for me to be able to afford it.
yeahbitchphysics · 1 points · Posted at 19:13:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
El Salvador.
TheDiddler69710 · 2 points · Posted at 19:14:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh god, I'd rather pay more and not have to live there.
yeahbitchphysics · 1 points · Posted at 19:21:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hahaha, it's not that bad, I live in the US, and trust me, you Americans don't know how to have fun. It is dangerous in most places, but you're okay most of the time, and the people are amazingly kind and fun. It's an incredible place, it's just flawed.
TheDiddler69710 · 1 points · Posted at 19:25:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's pretty nice to not have MS13 operating in every city.
yeahbitchphysics · 0 points · Posted at 20:35:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You're talking about stuff that you don't know about. MS13 is not even the actual dangerous gang, I mean, they are, but the Mara 18 is the actual problem. They are a huge problem for businesses, but if you don't live in a dangerous zone (the us has dangerous zones too, is basically the same), they don't bother you much. The country is very nice, really, I know a lot of Americans that simply love it because of how nice, fun and beautiful it is.
dMarrs · 0 points · Posted at 17:59:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Texas. $50-$100
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 19:01:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh my god you Americans and your fucking weight units... I don't even know if an ounce is a lot or not haha
TheDiddler69710 · 1 points · Posted at 19:02:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's strange, some guys from Holland on this thread all did.
TheDiddler69710 · 1 points · Posted at 19:02:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's strange, some guys from Holland on this thread all did.
TheDiddler69710 · 1 points · Posted at 19:02:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's strange, some guys from Holland on this thread all did.
janedoethefirst · 0 points · Posted at 19:39:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
i get shitty weed here in Canada for $120/ounce and really really good shit for $140/ounce. I know that is lucky though cos average is $160/ounce in my area. It is shocking to hear how much other people pay in some places o.O
i-dont-like-shit · 0 points · Posted at 20:36:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Damn, that's crazy. I've gotten some serious quality bud for about 90$ an ounce. He was a friend but the usual rate is 120 where I am.
dragon50305 · 1 points · Posted at 20:45:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Here in colorado I'm able to get an Oz for $100- $120.
axf7228 · 0 points · Posted at 21:48:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's kind of how drug dealers make money...
reverendsteveii · 0 points · Posted at 21:51:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You get a price break at an 1/8 oz, a full ounce, and a 1/2 pound in my (admittedly limited) experience dealing with real weight. My dude said he was paying 2000-2500/per lb, coming from a recreational state. $4480 is $35 for a cut (1/8 oz) * 8 cuts/oz * 16 oz/lb. That simply can't be true or there would be no profit and a lot of risk to being a dealer and no one would do it.
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 23:16:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Depends on who your buying from. I'm three links down the chain Grower-Dispenser-Seller. But some people have dispensers who dispense to other dispensers. It's like a pyramid scheme sometimes.
OGNips · 0 points · Posted at 23:35:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I can pay $120 an ounce for some decent shit. $200 an ounce is usually club stuff and gets me lit af
Mynameiszany · 0 points · Posted at 03:30:47 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Where I'm from, amazing ganj is $80 on average.
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 07:40:02 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
TheDiddler69710 · 0 points · Posted at 11:12:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
No you didn't, we call it ganj.
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 11:17:58 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
TheDiddler69710 · 1 points · Posted at 11:23:11 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Slang. Obviously it comes from ganja, and IDK if anybody else does it, but ke and my friends say ganj.
FISTED_BY_CHRIST · 3 points · Posted at 14:37:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A pound of high grade in New York is about $2000. An eighth for $35 is a good price for not buying in bulk.
Noyournotperfect · 3 points · Posted at 14:59:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not uncommon to pay 60 for that where I am at.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 15:55:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah if I'm paying $35 for 1/8 it's gonna be the stalest, most dirt-encrusted reggie in the state.
awhaling · 1 points · Posted at 16:12:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
That sucks. Where do you live?
I live on the east cost and quality weed is around $40 for an 1/8th for the norm. Little lower if you know some people.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:19:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Illinois, but I live in the cornfield boonies outside Chicago so prices are going to be way different for me, I'm pretty sure I exaggerated and I'm at a shitty end of the market.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:57:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yoooo, how far you from Woodstock?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 19:25:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Little over 100 miles, south of Chicago past Joliet. Didn't know there was a Woodstock, IL
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 19:45:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Green Bay Area is $60 an eighth for decent pot. Hell, some fucks try to pass regg for $50. I don't buy from them
slavior · 1 points · Posted at 18:31:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Shit, 25 Canadian for great bud here, and it's almost always over weight.
awhaling · 1 points · Posted at 16:12:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
That the "standard". Like that's what I paid when I was a freshman in highshool and I didn't know any better and was getting ripped off.
Where do you live?
Noyournotperfect · 1 points · Posted at 19:00:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Midwest US. Yah 60 is kind of a standard. I gets o's for three bills though so I guess im right around the 35. Now I feel dumb. 60 is still real common though.
awhaling · 1 points · Posted at 20:46:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I live on the east cost and 60 is the top for an 1/8th. I think I pay around 30-40 for an 1/8th from guy.
I used to think 60 was the standard until I met people.
mhiser26 · 2 points · Posted at 14:30:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's a steal
WalrusJockeyll · 2 points · Posted at 15:58:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
2500-3000 for a pound normally in Midwest us
tyler182durden · 1 points · Posted at 20:06:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Kentucky I swear is the best bang for your buck. Know a dude that gets them weekly for $900 and it's not reggie. That's the best price I've ever seen though. Usually 1000-1200
ArchangelleDread · 1 points · Posted at 16:12:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
brzztffn · 1 points · Posted at 16:30:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Most I've paid was 20 for an 1/8
DrAgonit3 · 1 points · Posted at 16:47:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
How much is an eight in something other than Freedom units?
laszlof · 1 points · Posted at 01:45:44 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
about 3.5 grams.
DrAgonit3 · 1 points · Posted at 08:02:44 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
So about $10 per gram? That's cheap. Where I live it's 20€ a gram. Then again, I don't smoke so it doesn't really bother me.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:09:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Is that how much it costs now? I remember an eighth was only $20 when I used to smoke.
just_had_2_comment · 1 points · Posted at 17:40:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
damn, 35 an 8th? thats a rip off even if its great. thats like what we charge rich college kids with mommy and daddy money
thetruetoblerone · 1 points · Posted at 18:25:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I couldn't see anyone paying more then 10k for 10 pounds at once
mpd105 · 1 points · Posted at 19:16:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Like at Costco?
tantalicatom689 · 1 points · Posted at 19:25:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
$35 an 1/8th? Ouch I never pay more than $20
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 06:19:50 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
$20 for an eighth or for a gram? That's insanely cheap. Even $35 for an eighth is really cheap, assuming it's at all decent.
tantalicatom689 · 2 points · Posted at 06:59:18 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Vancouver is a great city
maxk1236 · 1 points · Posted at 20:03:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Californian here. It doesn't scale linearly like that, though that is how police calculate "street value" of a bust. Lbs sit somewhere between 1000-1600 for outdoor, 1800-2500 for decent indoor. Less if you are selling multiple lbs or to dispenseries.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:10:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
$35 an eighth? how weak is that shit? its $50 for loud stuff here
ImmaRatard · 1 points · Posted at 20:30:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Where I live people would kill for 35 an eighth lol
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:31:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
$35 an eighth?! Granted I have smoked much in a couple years, but I was paying $60 in PA. $55 if one of my buddies got his hands on a bulk amount and felt like hooking me up.
E: whoops misread what you were saying
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:41:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Man that's cheap. Double it for Australia. :o
CroatianBison · 1 points · Posted at 21:08:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
At least where I live it's pretty easy to find $600-$800 qps, so 2400 to 3200 a pound
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:44:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's legal to grow 6 or so weed plants for personal use in Washington State, might need a license, not sure. Anyway, a person growing weed plants could easily tear them down and with roots and all could fill up a good portion of a garbage can and it wouldn't cost a lot. Just saying.
NateSucksFatWeiners · 1 points · Posted at 00:00:33 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
If you buy less than three pounds, it's around 1800-2200 per, but more than that and you can pay as low as 1600 per. Prices are averaged from the multiple people I've bought from in multiple states
cboytrill · 1 points · Posted at 01:50:24 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
P's go for 35hun my way
Clipse83 · 1 points · Posted at 06:51:27 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
4lb for 10k all day earr day. Really more like 20k total for 10lb.
Superfluous420 · 0 points · Posted at 14:53:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There would
probablymost definitely be some sort of bulk discountJustin_Timberbaked · 0 points · Posted at 15:41:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
An ounce is usually sold between 300-400 dollars. An eighth here is only $30
ender323 · 1 points · Posted at 16:56:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Why the hell would an ounce be more than 8 times as much as an 8th?
Justin_Timberbaked · 1 points · Posted at 18:03:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Just how it is here.
ender323 · 1 points · Posted at 18:31:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So why wouldn't you just buy 8 8ths? How is your dealer making money if hes selling for that price and buying for more than he's selling?
Justin_Timberbaked · 1 points · Posted at 19:01:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Also, a fourth is $80. Makes no sense to me at all.
cavfox · 111 points · Posted at 13:30:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Math that I did on this...
16oz in a pound 1/8oz for good quality around $50
16 x 8 = 128 1/8ths per pound at $50 each = 6400 or 64k for 10lb.
45k means you are getting 1/8th for $35. Not a bad price point!
[deleted] · 68 points · Posted at 13:46:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
WalropsHunter · 3 points · Posted at 14:01:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There are dispensaries in your area but you still choose to buy illegally? I'm super curious as to why that is. I feel like the selection and ease at a dispensary would make it much more appealing
tyereliusprime · 15 points · Posted at 15:05:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Because my friend sells/buys enough to our core group so he can smoke for free, it's delivered to my house, and the price difference/quality between dispensaries is minimal.
Also, it's like a 15 year thing we've had, so I just keep it going.
WalropsHunter · 2 points · Posted at 15:20:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's what I used to do, by large amounts and sell it to my small group of friends for just enough that they weren't getting ripped off and I was smoking for free. It's a damn good setup and everyone ends up better off. I don't live in a place where its been legalized but I just figured that the dispensaries would have a better/higher quality selection. Especially since my hookups were sometimes hit and miss.
MorallyDeplorable · 0 points · Posted at 19:06:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Problem is a dispensary charges $50 for an eighth, sometimes $300 for an ounce, depending on the strain. There's an unholy amount of tax on weed.
WalropsHunter · 1 points · Posted at 20:14:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Heh that's about average for an 8th around here. And I've seen ounces that high but more often in the 200-250 range
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:53:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm more than willing to pay that tax if I know I'm getting high-quality weed from an actual store. That's still not even that expensive.
GameOfThrowsnz · 5 points · Posted at 14:59:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
because my dealer has better prices and better quality. Choice is fine if your choices are good. But to choose between okay, and slightly better, at more expensive than street value is not a choice i'd like to make.
WalropsHunter · 1 points · Posted at 15:17:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That makes sense. I haven't smoked for a few years but when I did I'd have to get lucky with which dealer I hit up. It was never shitweed but on the occasions that the guy had just gotten a new batch in and knew exactly what it was I was a much happier Walrops Hunter
Sonja_Blu · 1 points · Posted at 18:20:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dispensaries are relatively new where I am and still technically illegal. Most people have a pre-existing relationship with a dealer, so just find it easier to stick to the tried and true.
I don't smoke at all, but everyone I know does.
FISTED_BY_CHRIST · 3 points · Posted at 14:37:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Even from a street dealer in NYC it's only around $2000 for some high grade shit.
alexd1976 · 2 points · Posted at 18:08:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I can drink that much in a very busy month... whereas that much weed would have lasted me... I dunno, years.
Alcohol needs to be cheaper.
FuckingMadBoy · 2 points · Posted at 21:30:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
940 a pound for top shelf? Bullshit. I dont care what country you are in. You smoking bullshit and dont even know it.
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 22:04:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
FuckingMadBoy · 0 points · Posted at 22:33:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So say mid grade and leave the high out.
E4tabrizi · 1 points · Posted at 14:37:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
No you wouldn't. As I light a joint.
VeXoR1718 · 1 points · Posted at 18:07:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
$35? Im in colorado and can get some fire from dispos for like $25 an 1/8th.
ILub · 2 points · Posted at 21:12:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Honest question, where? Because I'm also in Colorado (Denver) and after taxes, 35 seems pretty accurate for 1/8th.
VeXoR1718 · 1 points · Posted at 02:22:38 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
So the guy I know has his med card and his favorite dispo is Sweet Leaf. Idk how but he gets good shit for crazy low prices.
adafrank · 1 points · Posted at 18:15:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Pounds in Canada go for about $1000-1600 depending on the market. If you find a grower trying to clear out, you can even negotiate the price point down. The price of weed some places is ridiculous, but its Canada. Cocaine is ridiculously expensive in Canada, so the dealers here in BC like to use cocaine as currency.
higherlogic · 1 points · Posted at 19:28:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
And a pound of middies is usually $300-500 depending. Not $1200.
ZePwnzerRJ · 1 points · Posted at 21:38:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There's a dealer near me who sells a gram for 10$ which is great for us cheap teenagers who are afraid of commitment
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 14:05:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
Eggbertoh · 2 points · Posted at 16:19:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Mids
fnybny · 7 points · Posted at 13:55:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Horrible price point
Madicami · 1 points · Posted at 13:57:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
r/theydidthemath
Dunderost · 1 points · Posted at 13:58:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
now in grams pls.
rg44_at_the_office · 1 points · Posted at 16:05:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
28 grams in 1 ounce, 16 ounces in one pound, 16*28=448 grams per pound. 4480 grams in 10 lbs at $45,000 means (45000/4480)= $10.0446 per gram.
Or you could just know there are 3.5 grams in 1/8 and he said $35 for 1/8, so $10 per gram.
Dunderost · 1 points · Posted at 19:38:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
still less than the swedish price (12-13ish) for a gram of hasch.
dabosweeney · 1 points · Posted at 14:18:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's a terrible price point for that much.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 14:27:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
rg44_at_the_office · 1 points · Posted at 16:07:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Right, 6.4k for one pound. 64k for 10 pounds.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 15:04:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In the Midwestern US you're looking at about 270/Oz for good quality stuff. That's 35/eighth at the ounce level so it'd damn well better be cheaper than that at the pound level
KittyGobbler · 1 points · Posted at 15:05:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's a terrible price point... if you're buying pounds for the same deal you get 1/8ths you need a new dealer.
Gravaton123 · 1 points · Posted at 15:06:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm in canada, and I usually get 25 for a eigth of canadian grown bud on the west coast here.
Grayslake_Gisox · 1 points · Posted at 15:11:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
r/theydidthemath
jjmatt11 · 1 points · Posted at 15:27:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
50 and 1/8th damn you will only find those prices in states that's legalized it
kj3ll · 1 points · Posted at 15:28:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
God I'm glad I live in Canada.
yosemitesquint · 1 points · Posted at 16:04:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
These may be okay on the East coast, but those are dismal prices out West.
20-25 an 1/8 with taxes.
trustmeim18 · 1 points · Posted at 16:08:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
If you're buying from somewhere legal, 10lbs is like 7k~ iirc
Chazae · 1 points · Posted at 16:10:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Prices in Bellingham, WA are stupid low. Dispensaries have to compete with other non-legit dealers. As a result it's usually 20$ an 1/8th :)
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:26:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Actually, that is a really bad price point for bulk. SWIM used to buy an ounce of good quality for $150-200, coming to the cost of the weed at $18.75-25. Even applying that to a pound, without a discount, would be $24k-32k. Someone mentioned a price at $1,500/lb which sounds much closers to a reasonable discount.
On another note, keep buying dimes for $20. Please. It is definitely a good price. Do not do the math on this.
foreignlander · 1 points · Posted at 17:06:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Stop teaching me math!
DrJohanzaKafuhu · 1 points · Posted at 17:29:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You shouldn't be paying more than $40 these days for good quality pot. I havn't seen $50 since like 2005.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:32:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Horrible price. Pounds typically go between 2000 and 3500 depending on bulk and how direct you get it from but thats just what i heard one time so idk.
funkimonki · 1 points · Posted at 17:36:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Rerun your numbers knowing that people buy weed in bulk for actually profitable amounts. A lb goes for about 2100-2500 for beautiful product where I'm from. 5lbs for 1800 per lb. Paying 35 per 1/8 would cripple the flower delivery men I know.
ProperReporter · 1 points · Posted at 17:46:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Street vendors gotta compete with legit sources now so this is a nominal occurrence. Mad fluctuations in market value where I'm at...
whiteflame1 · 1 points · Posted at 17:52:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Here In Canada it's 30 an 8th 60 a 1/4 110 a half and 200 an ounce. 600 a quarter pound and like 2000 - 3000 a pound depending on quality
thaWalk3r · 1 points · Posted at 17:54:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
all in all if you want to become a drug dealer move to a country that uses the metric system.
userlame_af · 1 points · Posted at 18:02:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
35 is an awful price point for an eighth when you're dealing in bulk. I don't buy in bulk past an oz and I pay less around 40 for an eighth alone, 240 for an oz. Got it for 180 one time but it was lower quality, not quite mids
JackIsColors · 1 points · Posted at 18:02:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
If you're buying a 10 pack, that is an absolutely terrible price point. 10 lbs should not be any higher than $2k per pound, at most
shredadactyl · 1 points · Posted at 18:07:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Longtime CO resident here. SO just lost a lb and then immediately found $5k USD.
john6644 · 1 points · Posted at 18:11:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not at all, it's all depending on the area really. Itld be like 26k for good stuff. Corn would be cheaper than that
Claposaurus · 1 points · Posted at 18:15:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I can never tell if this is cheap or expensive. Your units of measurement are gobbledygook to me.
still_challin · 1 points · Posted at 18:42:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Damn $50 for an 1/8? Y'all paying too damn much.
higherlogic · 1 points · Posted at 19:27:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
But when you buy weight it doesn't break down like that. A gram which would normally be $10-20 now costs $1. APPP is $2-3k. Buying 10 pounds drops that to maybe $800-900/pound.
dacargo · 1 points · Posted at 19:58:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
thats a horrible price point lol, you would be shocked at the price drops when you start buying in bulk quantities even for one pound.
randomdude45678 · 1 points · Posted at 20:11:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You're right, it's a HORRIBLE price point
WaterproofThis · 1 points · Posted at 20:43:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
But i used to get wayyy better bulk deals. 8th for 45 quad for 80 zone for 240 quaps 750.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:44:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Its still a little pricey in the mid-west where I am.
BlissnHilltopSentry · 1 points · Posted at 22:22:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wtf is that math, imperial is so ugly...
NateSucksFatWeiners · 1 points · Posted at 00:01:44 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ten pounds would cost no more than 22k anywhere, but 64k is crazy
MottRimney · 1 points · Posted at 02:21:09 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
/r/theydidthemath
ifusydjcknmadlamjh · 1 points · Posted at 02:22:21 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yes it is. Especially if you're buying in bulk like that. You shouldn't pay more than $2-3 grand for a pound of even the nicest weed.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:21:39 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
You're missing a few decimals. $4500 is 4.5k
eleonlycostapenny · 1 points · Posted at 20:24:36 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
He did the math
opulentopal · 1 points · Posted at 14:21:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Where are you buying 1/8s for $50? Gucci? Better be some good dank for that price!
rg44_at_the_office · 2 points · Posted at 16:07:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm in a state that doesn't even border a state with legal medical, $60 is pretty standard for 1/8 but its usually pretty good quality or at least upper mids.
Upshft · 0 points · Posted at 15:28:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
64k would be 64000, with three 0's. Your math comes out to 6.4k.
cavfox · 1 points · Posted at 16:15:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In the future read the parent article so you can be a part of the discussion. The story references 10lbs. 6400/lb x 10 = 64000
daviep · 0 points · Posted at 15:29:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Just a heads up, you know, for the future, k, as in 45k, means thousand, so $45,000 not $4,500. Shortened, $4,500 would be spoken as 45 hundred.
cavfox · 1 points · Posted at 16:16:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not understanding your point. This is based on 10lbs, as per the story... soo... 4500/lb x 10 = 45000 or "45k"
daviep · 1 points · Posted at 21:08:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sorry, I'm retarded. I misread, thought it said 45k per pound. I'm just special.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 13:58:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It'd probably be about 2k a pound, totaling 20k. Still
E4tabrizi · 1 points · Posted at 14:38:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This sounds right for 10. Maybe 25 to 30 for one awesome lb.
spetoja · 1 points · Posted at 13:41:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sounds about right, when I used to buy it 10 years ago or so it was about £200 an ounce, convert that to 10 pounds and it comes out at £32,000 and that was 10 years ago, inflation yo.
tyereliusprime · 1 points · Posted at 13:47:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Vastly different costs apparently on the Canadian West coast.
cbear013 · 1 points · Posted at 14:08:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's about what you get in the Boston area now.
Ua_Tsaug · 1 points · Posted at 14:07:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I mean, a pound is A LOT of weed.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 14:07:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah, it's not that expensive. That guy doesn't know what's up.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 14:54:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
DarkLordCthulhu420 · 1 points · Posted at 19:50:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
If your buy a pound an the math comes out to 10$ a gram your paying way to much. That street price for a gram. No profit on the return
kingofeggsandwiches · 1 points · Posted at 15:01:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's 4.5 kilos. In the UK a kilo could be sold for minimum £7000, that's £31,500, that's $46,000. In much of Europe a gram costs 10 euros. That's 45,000 euros, or $50,700. The maths checks out. Remember this is the sales price, assuming those 10 pounds were broken into small bags and sold to users. The buying price will be roughly 30-40% less than the sales price.
HowRiskyIsDatClick · 1 points · Posted at 15:10:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Drinkin's cheaper
tyereliusprime · 2 points · Posted at 15:28:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Drinking makes me angry. Pot makes my brain stop worrying about every little obsessive detail.
HowRiskyIsDatClick · 1 points · Posted at 15:39:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Huh, almost opposite for me, pot makes me super paranoid and drinking is great.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 15:29:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A pound where I live is 2800. Depends on the area of the country you're in. 4500 is really expensive and probably isn't right.
Daedalus871 · 1 points · Posted at 15:37:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Roughly $300 an ounce, which is the legal price.
fellatious_argument · 1 points · Posted at 16:14:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A pound is a lot of weed. Its over 450 grams.
l0b0t0mize · 1 points · Posted at 16:37:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
More like $3k/lb. $2200 if you find the "plug."
AZ1717 · 1 points · Posted at 16:54:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
a pound would be like 2-3k depending on your connects..... or so ive heard
The_Doctor_Bear · 1 points · Posted at 17:03:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well if you buy 10 lbs you definitely get a bulk discount. Otherwise this whole thing is ridiculous.
justanawkwardguy · 1 points · Posted at 17:04:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Low end you can get it for $3000 but normally it's like $4000 to $4500
teh-dudenator · 1 points · Posted at 17:14:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Lol no, just no. A pound is like 3K tops. Usually closer to 2.5K
LOOK_AT_MY_POT · 1 points · Posted at 17:18:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I sell mine for $3k, so not too far off.
matt_b_19 · 1 points · Posted at 17:51:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Where I am it's usually $10/g. 4535.9 grams in 10lbs so $45,359.00. At 10lbs though you would probably get a discount but more likely caught and sent to prison (not legal where I am).
freeze123901 · 1 points · Posted at 17:59:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah don't worry thats not right
userlame_af · 1 points · Posted at 18:01:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Pound where I live is 3000-3500
Ounce is 200-300, qp (quarter pound) is 800-1000, etc. You're getting badly ripped off if you're paying 1k over, or you haven't bought from your plug long enough to get a deal.
Source: friend used to reup on quaps for 800, asked his dude one time what a p sold for.
Ninja edit: smoke loud not mids
mmmescaline · 1 points · Posted at 18:13:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Nah you can get a pound for a lot less than that.
IL710 · 1 points · Posted at 18:14:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
No, it would be much less. Anyone buying bulk is going to get a large bulk pricing discount compared to price per 1/8 oz. A pound usually never costs more than 3500-4k. If we're talking 10 lbs there would be an even more significant price cut, to the point where each pound would come out to anywhere from 1-2.5k (this goes for recreational, medical, and illegal cannabis) So while the average person may only pay $40-$50 for an eighth of an ounce, it probably only cost their dealer about $10-$20. That is if he is smart enough to cut costs buying in bulk.
Edit: I'm talking USD
Hjf615 · 1 points · Posted at 18:34:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
it shouldnt be this expensive.... dont ask why i know
metllicamilitia · 1 points · Posted at 18:50:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Do you understand there is a difference between $45K and $4.5K? Great, cause $45K is $45,000 and 4.5K is $4,500. The difference between and new truck and used Civic.
tyereliusprime · 1 points · Posted at 19:06:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah, and 45k divided by 10 is 4.5k
10lbs at 45k is 4.5k a pound.
Chespirito312 · 1 points · Posted at 18:55:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Chicago stoner here, thats what they go for here. 3800-45...
060789 · 1 points · Posted at 20:20:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Fuck no, not even close. 900 bucks
lechatron · 1 points · Posted at 20:27:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I can get a pound for $1600-$1800. Dispensaries usually buy pounds for around $2000-$2200. But this is Oregon where it's legal.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:34:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's super expensive. It's more closer to $3500 for top shelf (At least here in California). And you can get it a lot cheaper too if you know people.
i-dont-like-shit · 1 points · Posted at 20:35:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In nor cal an ounce is 100-150, so more like 24,000. Also if you were buying 10 pounds you could probably get an ounce for 50-70 for a bulk discount. I've never bought 10 pounds but I imagine you would get hooked up for bulk like that.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:35:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
At least where I am a pound of cheeb is about $2500 depending on what it is
Drew707 · 1 points · Posted at 21:03:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You can get a p of solid outdoor Sour D for $600-$1000.
California.
Kraymur · 1 points · Posted at 21:25:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
it's 1500$ a lb here in Vancouver. Would make it a solid 15k
tyereliusprime · 1 points · Posted at 22:04:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah, that's where I am.
_no_pants · 1 points · Posted at 22:22:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was getting it for about $1350 for ok indoor that was excess the dispensiaries did not want.
Jaminwitu111 · 1 points · Posted at 22:50:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Thats the exact price of an lb down here in New Zealand
KH10304 · 1 points · Posted at 00:28:16 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A pound is 3k, 10 at 2 wouldn't surprise me.
level1biscuit · 1 points · Posted at 01:11:37 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I don't know about the prices in other states, but it goes for about 800 to 1200 use per pound here in Oregon. That is black market price. Legal weed is in between 17 an 25 a gram. Sometimes cheaper, sometimes more expensive.
pastanazgul · 13 points · Posted at 13:52:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Weed hasn't been 4.5k per lb since 1996 man. Around here its maybe 1.5k for amazing top shelf.
o0i81u8120o · 2 points · Posted at 18:21:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Lol, in 96 I could get a pound of dro or good for 600-800. Ounces were 90-125 and an elbow was 250.
Quality has gotten a little better but price is real high right now. I don't even smoke but I get some real good stuff for free and I get it for friends and it's 650 a qp which is ridiculous to me.
pastanazgul · 1 points · Posted at 18:25:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've gotta ask, and if you don't feel comfortable answering I totally get it, but where do you live? If a grower could get 650 for a QP here in California they would be over the moon.
o0i81u8120o · 1 points · Posted at 19:43:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Michigan.
pastanazgul · 1 points · Posted at 20:10:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ah, the market must be very different out there. Good for the growers out there!
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 10:16:32 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dude, those are the prices I remember too. Everyone here is putting out all of these ridiculously high prices. I'm in Southern Nevada and I don't remember ever paying more than $100 for an ounce. This thread is confusing to me. Are these pot shop prices that people are talking about?
o0i81u8120o · 1 points · Posted at 12:30:55 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not here, it was partially decriminalized for medical and now that's the standard so the prices are like that too.
Tiekal · 3 points · Posted at 13:47:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Man. You're in the wrong spot if it's 45k
Ajv00 · 2 points · Posted at 14:19:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Try like 20k tops... And even less if it's from the grower man you don't buy 10 packs by the eighth..
Silentg35 · 2 points · Posted at 17:46:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
that is steeeeep man. your plug aint doing you any favors.
4775795f4d616e · 2 points · Posted at 17:51:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Trash cans are expensive nowadays.
Green3ymang · 2 points · Posted at 20:28:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You know weed is approx 1600-2000 USD a lb right?
Nathanf49 · 2 points · Posted at 00:29:03 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Probably closer to a third of that
skthlul · 2 points · Posted at 13:38:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Damn man where are you getting these 4.5k pounds of weed. Shit should be like 16-18k with bulk discount max
Cheif_Givesnofucks · 1 points · Posted at 14:13:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
25k in nola
dabosweeney · 1 points · Posted at 14:18:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You gotta find a new connect
cat_like_thief_ · 1 points · Posted at 15:47:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
More like 10k.
BillTheStud · 1 points · Posted at 17:15:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
More like $10,000 to $15,000
tonayan · 1 points · Posted at 21:03:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
45k ? dear lord, in mexico 10 pounds should be like 535 dlls or even 215 dlls
Craggabagga1 · 1 points · Posted at 00:31:33 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Even in hard to reach places in the US... a LB of HQ weed wont cost more than 2-3k USD.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:36:38 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
If you buying 4.5k lbs you're doing it wrong
bootywatcher · 1 points · Posted at 01:27:17 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
You can get a pound of mid for 500 in Atlanta.
eskaza · 1 points · Posted at 02:43:23 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Who pays more than 20k for a 10pack?
Hanshee · 1 points · Posted at 06:00:30 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Uhhh 10 pounds in Oregon you can literally buy each pound for $500-$800. Source I used to be a major pot head.
INSERT_LATVIAN_JOKE · 284 points · Posted at 14:53:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You misunderstood him, he put 10 pounds of weeds in a metal trash bin and burned it, then he went and got high.
citricacidx · 137 points · Posted at 01:27:53 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I wonder if he meant £10 of weed.
DrGhostfire · 1 points · Posted at 18:39:31 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's probably not enough to get high off of smoke however, being 1-2 grams of weed at best.
brickmack · 5 points · Posted at 02:55:27 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
If you actually burned 10 pounds of weed, I think getting high is already checked off
Awesomebox5000 · 6 points · Posted at 03:48:16 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
No, 10lbs of weeds; as in unwanted plants growing in a lawn or garden that are pulled from the ground.
dynamothrope · 3 points · Posted at 05:34:29 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I think /u/brickmack meant burning a bunch of plant matter is characteristic of someone who is already under the influence
Cruzzfish1 · 1 points · Posted at 08:56:43 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Considering how common nightshades are, you'd probably get high doing that. And then have major health problems and kick the bucket a few hours later.
fdar · 94 points · Posted at 17:15:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Maybe he meant £10 of weed (and a tiny, tiny trash can)?
Buckminster4Real · 40 points · Posted at 14:57:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
sounds like he watched neighbours with seth rogan
lingaprashad · 7 points · Posted at 14:49:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
If anybody wants to do this, go to Nepal. 10 pounds will cost you less than $100. Im already thinking about trying it.
TrancePhD · 1 points · Posted at 07:39:35 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm sure the Marijuana in Nepal is shit compared to the indoor-grown chronic a lot of us are used to. Not sure it'd be worth smoking no matter how cheap it was...
IAmFern · 5 points · Posted at 17:35:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My older brother once claimed he could chain smoke 6 blunts of the dankest weed and not even catch a buzz. Truth is, he rarely smoked and had far less tolerance than most. When he said it, the rest of us laughed our asses off.
BRUTALLEEHONEST · 2 points · Posted at 18:17:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well that's possible because some people are immune to certain things (rare).
IAmFern · 3 points · Posted at 18:28:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yes, but we had smoked with him before and he didn't have much tolerance.
thats_satan_talk · 4 points · Posted at 13:38:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Pretty sure you wouldn't just get high. He'd be on another level of baked.
Hero_764 · 2 points · Posted at 18:59:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Unconscious?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:10:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So much going to waste... :(
x7he6uitar6uy · 6 points · Posted at 13:55:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
And here I was with a bowl or two. Mr. Moneybags here sure can party
pleasureincontempt · 3 points · Posted at 16:32:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's not completely outside the realm of possibility. Assuming perhaps he was involved in a grow operation. There's a certain amount of waste plant matter after removing the "buds". Leaves, stems and even seeds are undesirable to sell and could presumably be given away for next to nothing.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:03:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
pleasureincontempt · 2 points · Posted at 22:34:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah, but just some farmer growing his own shit weed. He's not making extracts.
axf7228 · 1 points · Posted at 23:40:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ahh.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 11:49:51 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah... I knew a guy who would literally get shopping bags for of it for a few dollars a bag. It's not worth that much and some people just wanna get rid of it because it's basically evidence they're growing it. You can still get high off it, best way is to extract the oils and bake them in brownies or something, but it's much more dilute than the buds
NosyEnthusiast6 · 6 points · Posted at 13:15:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It'd be bomb.
And violently illegal, that much smoke could destroy a wind farm.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 15:10:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So you spend like 30k on weed and wasted it. Congrats
BF1shY · 2 points · Posted at 20:06:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Your roommate has found a loophole and filled it with £10 of weed.
ROWDY_RODDY_PEEEPER · 1 points · Posted at 15:40:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
maybe he meant metal can from the trash and he spent 10 pounds on weed.
bluesam3 · 1 points · Posted at 16:25:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Nah, you're just misunderstanding him: he's been gardening, and he's burned ten pounds of random weeds he pulled out of his garden.
punchedbychuck · 1 points · Posted at 18:12:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One of my old friends said he could get a pound for $20. As soon as I took him up on it he said "I don't talk to thoes people anymore man."
pabodie · 1 points · Posted at 18:47:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Knew a guy who burned NorCal grows for the Marine Reserves. Burned large amounts. Like 100s of pounds. Now that I am writing this on this post, I have to ask if maybe he was a compulsive liar. Oh boy... Time to go read more MHE.
bloodybutunbowed · 1 points · Posted at 18:52:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He's probably just REALLY bad at math.
hydraloo · 1 points · Posted at 18:58:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'd love to use some piping and a heat gun to vaporize a trash can of weed. That would be one hell of a party. Would probably need some sealed windows though.
fearlessandinventive · 1 points · Posted at 19:49:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I believe I have seen that Cheech & Chong movie...
DarthSinistar · 1 points · Posted at 19:51:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I think he stole this from the movie Neighbors...
Argonautica · 1 points · Posted at 20:02:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friends dad claims to have done this in the 70s. But weed was quite a bit shittier and cheaper back then.
Real_Adam_Sandler · 1 points · Posted at 20:03:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know poor people that have had thousands worth of drugs.
A dude really had a trash bag full of weed and did lots of silly stuff with it
Haskillbrother · 1 points · Posted at 20:13:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've done that too.
Lildancr1153 · 1 points · Posted at 20:31:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
wasn't that a scene in that neighbor movie with Zac efron and Seth rogan? they had a huge party and lit trash cans full of weed on fire.
mmlemony · 1 points · Posted at 20:51:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
No it was £10 of weed, that he bought of Hugh Grant.
TwoBlackDogs · 1 points · Posted at 21:34:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Shake from a grower?
Xenomorphism · 1 points · Posted at 21:41:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've seen this done but it's not with 10 pounds. Much less maybe like a pound.
skiingisfun70 · 1 points · Posted at 22:18:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So, my friend's cousin lives in a jurisdiction where growing weed for personal consumption is legal, but selling it is not, and the number of plants you're allowed to grow is absurdly high.
He has more weed than he can give away, and has filled up multiple large trash cans with it many pounds of the stuff.
Whether or not he's lit it on fire and got high off it, I don't know.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:08:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was gonna go to class but I got high...I coulda cheated and I coulda passed but I got high
alittlebigger · 1 points · Posted at 23:33:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
By trash can he meant the thimble from the monopoly board
goldiglocks_ · 1 points · Posted at 00:03:28 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm pretty sure this happened on the movie Neighbors w Seth Rogen
jhn107 · 1 points · Posted at 00:12:09 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
The police in my hometown once made a huge bust in the national forest. The confiscated over a 1000 fully grown plants then proceeded to burn them in the city incinerator. The entire town had a contact high.
mzchen · 1 points · Posted at 00:53:02 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's not that expensive, it's only £10 or so
hitlerosexual · 1 points · Posted at 02:04:43 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Once weed is legal and you can get middies for dirt cheap I dream of actually doing this one day. Like I'll just get the Popov of weed and be king for a day and have a weed pyre. I'm gonna box the whole fucking house!!!!!
cptfailsauce · 1 points · Posted at 03:04:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
£10 of weed is about a quarter, right?
tomato_paste · 1 points · Posted at 03:42:01 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Depends on the country.
There have been reports of police burning marijuana plants, and locals getting high on the smoke.
NachoElDaltonico · 1 points · Posted at 03:52:15 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
£10
available-username- · 1 points · Posted at 04:44:40 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
maybe it was oregano
BLT_Special · 1 points · Posted at 06:17:13 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
In college we used to tailgate at my buddy's dad's spot because his dad would claim all the booze when the cops came around. It was never a problem, but the dad had a buddy and that buddy had a kid who was about 14. The 14 year old kid, trying to impress some college kids, tells us that he's got some weed with him and asked if we wanted to smoke. So we said sure, and walked off to a secluded area where the kid pulls out a bag of oregano. We told him it was oregano and he insisted it was weed so we walked away. Later that day he came back and told us he was high and that he, "Smoked that shit out of my hand."
Luwi00 · 1 points · Posted at 10:20:08 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well he might ment regular weath? not actual weed... and got high because he got a smoke poisoning?
Otherways I am calling bullshit. I have seen several tons of weed so from m.E.
1 KG of weed is at least a 10 liter trashcan full, depending if you pressed it or not, but 5 kg weed no fucking way, as soon as you light that shit on fire it would "overflow" because of the expension, it does not stay pressed.
TheHighJedi · 1 points · Posted at 18:18:59 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
10 lbs of junk trim maybe?
BRUTALLEEHONEST · 1 points · Posted at 18:14:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I think 10 pounds of weed would be bigger than a metal trash can.
rylos · 0 points · Posted at 15:41:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have no idea how much it weighed, but back in the 70s, my sister & I took a small bale of weed that my dad had stashed in the garage, stuck it in the trash barrel in the back yard, built a fire under it, and went elsewhere. I have no idea what the people of the neighborhood thought about it, but nobody ever complained.
My dad was dead-set against people smoking dope & doing drugs, I have no idea where it got the weed from. Theory is that he probably swiped it from some guys just getting their crop in, just to piss them off.
CassandraVindicated · 0 points · Posted at 18:28:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Actually, where I'm from that wouldn't be expensive at all. You could easily and legally grow that in your backyard in about five months. You could easily have enough leftover to last you 'til next season. I could see some people I know doing this simply because they can't move it and don't want to hold it.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 06:54:15 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Most people don't count the whole stalk and leaves in the weight...
CassandraVindicated · 1 points · Posted at 07:41:05 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Most people don't live in a place where you can get 4-5 pounds per plant. That requires climate and people with skill. I live in such a place.
scenecunt · -1 points · Posted at 17:00:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's almost half a kilogram. How much did he think weed cost?
Seeyouyeah · 3399 points · Posted at 10:22:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Friend at school told everyone that he was in a band and they'd recorded a song, and asked if we wanted to hear it. He had the lyrics handwritten on a piece of paper and the recording (which him and his band, that we had somehow never heard about before, had apparently done at a big expensive studio in London) on his mp3 player.
He hands me an earphone and tells me to let him know what I think of it, and to be honest...
And plays She Fucking Hates Me by Puddle Of Mudd...
PhotonInABox · 1859 points · Posted at 13:46:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Ah yeah a girl in my high school used to tell everyone that Tom DeLonge was her cousin and that sometimes she would cover for him if he didn't want to play a show. On monday mornings she would be like "ugh God I'm so tired. I had to play a show with Blink in Berlin last night and I just got back a few hours ago..."
Edit 5 hours later: I just realised how disappointing it would be if you shelled out to go to a Blink 182 gig back in the day and instead of Tom DeLonge you have an overweight, spot-ridden teenaged girl from Scotland fronting the show. And no, we never called her out on any of the rubbish she used to chat.
IDontKnowHowToPM · 669 points · Posted at 15:16:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Did anyone ever pull up their tour schedule to prove she was lying? Like "Oh, they were playing in Berlin, you say? Well that's odd, because their website says they were in Omaha!"
grumpydan · 680 points · Posted at 16:16:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well... Omaha IS the Berlin of Nebraska.
joegekko · 1002 points · Posted at 16:29:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I remember when my cousin tried to climb the wall and escape to West Omaha. We screamed and begged the guards "Don't shoot!" but they didn't care. They laughed the whole time. Mein Gott, the blood...
toferdelachris · 320 points · Posted at 19:58:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
apology for poor english
when were you when cousin dies?
i was sat in school when principla come in classroom
"cousin is kill"
"no"
MrSeabody · 19 points · Posted at 00:56:09 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
/r/unexpectedlatvia
Master_McKnowledge · 14 points · Posted at 00:39:23 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Glory to Arstotzka!
RuleteroNini · 4 points · Posted at 04:37:58 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
*when was you
FTFY
delmar42 · 16 points · Posted at 19:24:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Having lived in Nebraska, I find this funny as hell.
IrrationalFraction · 12 points · Posted at 20:39:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Gotta get out of Council Bluffs, shits worse than Communism
thiswastillavailable · 4 points · Posted at 21:23:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
But CASINOS!!!!!!
Flamboyatron · 4 points · Posted at 02:44:26 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Found the guy from Council Bluffs.
reyrey1492 · 11 points · Posted at 20:05:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm just glad I got my travel Visa to go to the Berlin of Kansas. My cousin, however, was not so lucky. May he rest in peace.
tsrocks48 · 9 points · Posted at 20:31:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Can...can you help me escape? Take me with you!
reyrey1492 · 5 points · Posted at 21:33:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'll send letter to my contact in Politburo. See if he can pull yarn or two.
LiquidMedicine · 6 points · Posted at 19:29:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
/r/nocontext
zelet · 5 points · Posted at 01:47:19 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
If you aren't from Omaha you just fell into a hilarious joke on accident. Nobody in Omaha will go to the side of town that they aren't from. Nobody will cross 72nd street. West Omaha is white bread, boring republicans and midtown/downtown is nothing but gangs.
FuckingMadBoy · 3 points · Posted at 21:35:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
After they tore down the wall west omaha moved to waterloo.
Anovan · 3 points · Posted at 22:41:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ah yes, the barbed wire fences along Dodge Street. I can still hear the gunfire.
Vik3628 · 2 points · Posted at 23:03:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Tear down this wall!
SadGhoster87 · 1 points · Posted at 23:11:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In Soviet Russia, blood bleed YOU
atomicwun · 1 points · Posted at 01:19:12 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
The only thing he'd find in West O are red dot Indians and a bunch of golf courses.
Flamboyatron · 1 points · Posted at 02:43:18 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
The Regency is fucking hell, man.
Flamboyatron · 1 points · Posted at 02:46:14 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm loving the Omaha jokes down below, because I can relate to them.
Fr87r41n · 5 points · Posted at 19:52:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Am nebraska. Can confirm
ClandestineFox · 4 points · Posted at 19:07:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What does that make Lincoln?
grumpydan · 6 points · Posted at 19:11:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Düsseldorf
ClandestineFox · 5 points · Posted at 19:59:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
TIL am German
Kraymur · 4 points · Posted at 21:32:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Nebraska is the Berlin of Nebraska..
lastpulley · 3 points · Posted at 19:07:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I read this in Jack Donaghey's voice.
Turlututu1 · 2 points · Posted at 22:32:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
As someone who lives in Berlin, I'm offended...
HITLERS_SEX_PARTY · 2 points · Posted at 01:28:23 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
And Berlin is the Florida of Europe.
European_Soccer · 2 points · Posted at 06:03:11 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I don' even know what that means but I assume you're insulting Nebraska so it's all good.
OnnaJReverT · 2 points · Posted at 17:54:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
as a Berliner, this offends me
grumpydan · 10 points · Posted at 18:10:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Why would a jelly donut be offended? Is Omaha not the jelly donut capitol of the world?
hablomuchoingles · 11 points · Posted at 16:56:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Berlin, Nebraska used to be pretty close to Omaha
IDontKnowHowToPM · 6 points · Posted at 16:58:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Tell that to the guy who said that Omaha is the Berlin of Nebraska.
DrInsano · 3 points · Posted at 17:19:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well duh, of course they said they were in Omaha, that's the fake band they use as body doubles so that the real band can travel and play without fear of their safety!
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 17:16:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Then she can call you out on bullshit, because nobody ever comes to Nebraska.
250lespaul · 2 points · Posted at 18:18:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"They played one of those secret shows. You now how the Foo Fighters sometimes do? Well my brother calls me up and asked me to fill in because of how tired he was from touring. Blah blah I'm a stupid cunt who lies to make myself more interesting than I actually am because the reality of the situation is that despite what I've been told, I'm a totally average person. And that's not okay. So I lie to other people hoping they don't see how broken and unfulfilled I feel knowing I'm just like everyone else. "
I imagine I'm paraphrasing that last bit. I'm not the OP but I know someone that does the exact same shit.
PhotonInABox · 1 points · Posted at 18:58:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It would have been easy to call her out on it but I don't think that's very kind. People who make up these kinds of fake life stories are obviously dealing with personal stuff (feeling inadequate, unpleasant home life, low self-esteem) so it's probably better just to smile and nod. Even when the lie is so frustratingly obvious that you want to strangle them. I don't know...she was a nice person and her stories were entertaining at least.
IDontKnowHowToPM · 2 points · Posted at 19:01:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah, I get that. I've had friends like that, too. If you don't know them that well, definitely just smile and nod, but if you're closer to them, you can usually gently talk to them about why they are the way they are and help them out.
FaithIsToBeAwake · 6 points · Posted at 15:48:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well, she can't use that lie anymore, haha....ha... :(
questionablehogs · 7 points · Posted at 20:22:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I thought Tom Delonge died or something based on your comment.
But no. He just quit music to start hunting aliens.
FaithIsToBeAwake · 2 points · Posted at 21:32:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah man, Aliens Exist.
questionablehogs · 1 points · Posted at 23:40:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Damn. It all comes full circle.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 19:34:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A girl at my school told me that she's friends with the Linkin Park singer and hangs out with him all the time and I believed her because I'd never heard of Linkin Park and assumed it was just a local garage band.
throwaway10241988 · 3 points · Posted at 20:24:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
lmao
thegeneraldisarray · 3 points · Posted at 19:13:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My girlfriend and I told everyone my cousin was Alex Lifeson from Rush. Someone even signed my yearbook with "Say hi to Alex for me!"
Another girlfriend and I would tell wild stories in the girls' locker room just to freak people out. We were metalheads and liked getting reactions from people. I have a scar on my shoulder from a bike accident when i was about 12, so we start talking: "Hey, remember that one weekend when we were in Miami picking up that coke?" "Yeah, and man, I can't believe I got away with just this scar from the knife that guy had!" "Damn, that was a great weekend, we just gotta get smarter about our buys..." Just to be "edgy teens." Ah, the good old days.
KitchenSwillForPigs · 3 points · Posted at 20:29:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a kid who claimed he was best friends with Daniel Radcliffe. You know, because the British star of Harry Potter totally used to hang out in suburban New Mexico on the weekends.
_just_blue_myself · 2 points · Posted at 23:04:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was friends with a new kid on my small hometown who claimed to be Jewel's much younger brother. This was in like 1997. I loved her and wanted to believe, but then he moved away and we really only ever referred to him as the kid who lied about being Jewel's brother. Turns out he was actually her half brother. I found a picture of them together on her website or something a few years back and found an old poetry book she had dedicated to him.
PhotonInABox · 3 points · Posted at 23:08:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh shit. I bet nobody ever believed him because of the one million other cases when someone says they're related to a celebrity and it turns out to be bullshit. He's forever known as a liar. Poor guy haha. Well, at least you know he was honest.
FortyFartz · 1 points · Posted at 16:20:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
WUT
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:17:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a girl who said Ted Nugent was her uncle (they had the same last name), but had never heard of The Damn Yankees.
SteoanK · 1 points · Posted at 21:08:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Because she put out?
aglaeasfather · 1 points · Posted at 23:22:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Thank God she could cover for him so he could go hunting for aliens.
xitollotix · 1 points · Posted at 06:18:18 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Maybe she's an alien.
[deleted] · -4 points · Posted at 16:11:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
OnionFily · 4 points · Posted at 17:01:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The lie isn't really the cousin part. If OP ended at that, yeah whatever, more than possible. The lie is the rest of the bullshit.
PhotonInABox · 1 points · Posted at 18:55:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sure. But even the part about him being her cousin is unlikely since I went to high school in the rural north of Scotland.
[deleted] · 1021 points · Posted at 11:46:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's when you just go with it and say you're cousins looking for a band for her grad party or your uncles a producer. Tell them they're so good your giving them their number no matter what they say, because they just need to be heard.
Seeyouyeah · 348 points · Posted at 11:50:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh my god. Such a wasted opportunity..
1_800_COCAINE · 53 points · Posted at 16:13:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
One time a guy who was into my sister messaged her an "original" poem meant to show her how deep and tortured he was. One quick google search revealed it to be the lyrics from "45" by Shinedown.
[deleted] · 7 points · Posted at 19:19:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I once wrote some slipknot lyrics in the back of my science book, and about a week later my teacher held me back after the lesson to make sure I wasn't suicidal, he told me I was writing 'some pretty disturbing poetry' lol
fenderc1 · 6 points · Posted at 20:08:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
haha similar story, I would write slipknot lyrics on a piece of paper I used for a bookmark, teacher took it from me as I was doodling on it during class. Teacher didn't ask me if I was suicidal or anything just took it, looked at it, kind of made this horrified look and scoffed, and when I asked for it back after class she just glared at me and told me off..
1_800_COCAINE · 2 points · Posted at 14:08:24 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Maybe she secretly loved Slipknot and wanted to keep it
BIGMc_LARGEHUGE · 3 points · Posted at 10:49:40 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Bro I'm super upset right now. I just dialed your username, hoping that it was a cocaine distribution center, only to find out its a phone sex line
1_800_COCAINE · 3 points · Posted at 14:05:51 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh, it's cocaine alright. You have to ask them for the Bolivian girl.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 13:49:53 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Back before my wife was my wife and before we got together, some guy wrote out a poem for her from a Stephen King book and tried pass it off as his own.
1_800_COCAINE · 2 points · Posted at 13:57:18 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ha! Did she tell you how it played out? I always want to know how these people try to redeem themselves.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:59:47 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I she told me that she called him out on it, naming the book (It), and saying she knew he didn't write it. I don't know if she didn't tell me much beyond that or whether I've forgotten details, but I do remember that he doubled down and insisted he wrote it. That's about it.
freakers · 4 points · Posted at 15:25:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dude, my uncle got you a spot on Jimmy Fallon and they want you to play your song live.
Wesker405 · 229 points · Posted at 14:09:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"I would love to but we have to play for the queen that day, and we've already been hooked up with the best producer in the business"
Muteent2 · 17 points · Posted at 16:02:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"Come on! there will be loads of ladies there! You're SOOOO talented! They'll be all over you!"
Scarlet johansson and I are about to go public so I don't need any more ladies. And you know how upset beyonce gets when other girls touch her man.
PhotoTravelBob · 6 points · Posted at 15:11:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
why am I cousins?
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 17:48:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
These people are masters at weaseling out of things when they're called on their lies. I used to work with a girl who claimed she spoke 14 different languages fluently (in addition to other insane untruths). One day I come across a phrase in Russian in my editing and asked her to translate it for me and she just half made something up for show and said "some of the words have no English equivalent" because other people were watching. I sent it to a friend who actually spoke Russian and he easily translated it.
LunaSmith360 · 1 points · Posted at 01:09:58 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
You will not believe this, maybe, but I saw a woman in the Phillipines sing Whitney Houston songs better than Whitney herself. I say she was definitely worth recording, her voice was amazing and her English was flawless.
parafeeble · 220 points · Posted at 14:31:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My buddy wrote a pretty weird poem called Smells Like Teen Spirit in the eighth grade. Dude must've been unhinged because he talked about loading up on guns and then started fixating about mosquitos and mulattos.
Maztah_P · 24 points · Posted at 16:29:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's weird, my uncle knew this extremely tall Croatian guy in high school that was in a band, who said he had a band-mate just like this. Something about the bandmate being stupid and contagious, and apparently he was always demanding people to entertain them when the Croatian guy would hang out with him and this other dude
MattGeddon · 6 points · Posted at 22:48:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's so weird because my Azerbaijani friend from school kept asking me why I left the keys up on the table.
401mc · 5 points · Posted at 04:10:28 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
System of a Down is Armenian...
reddhead4 · 1 points · Posted at 03:19:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Was it fun?
Jeffrey_The_Gecko · 2 points · Posted at 19:11:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Beavis and Butthead
blaccvincentvega · 2 points · Posted at 20:37:46 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Was his name Tyler by any chance?
parafeeble · 1 points · Posted at 20:55:35 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
No :(
humancartograph · -11 points · Posted at 17:32:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That sounds like a poem an idiot would write.
kjata · 1 points · Posted at 20:12:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Full of sound and fury, signifying nothing? Or is there a reference I'm not picking up?
Edit: TIL people don't like Shakespeare quotes in conjunction with Nirvana. This is not a thing I understand.
minmou5 · 7 points · Posted at 20:28:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Nirvana- Smells like Teen Spirit. It's a song
kjata · 7 points · Posted at 20:52:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I figured it was a Nirvana reference. I know that much; I just didn't see where "idiot" fit in.
humancartograph · 1 points · Posted at 13:08:19 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was just kidding around because his lyrics are stupid. You're right, though, I should have gone with a better joke. Just a lazy jab at Kurt's writing.
[deleted] · 158 points · Posted at 13:21:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend got romanced by a guy who write 'Dear Amelia Count me in' for her. Literally just sent her the lyrics to Dear Maria with her name in them and covered it badly over an instrumental.
YYHBHH · 52 points · Posted at 16:56:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not to mention that song is about a stripper...
ChokingOnLifesaver · 5 points · Posted at 21:08:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Which is funny because it's about a stripper.
liz_lemon_lover · 177 points · Posted at 10:32:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Holy crap, you just reminded me of a random guy that did this to me too. If I recall correctly he played me a song by The Rasmus. He was trying to pick me up.
ALLSTARTRIPOD · 189 points · Posted at 10:46:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Was he watching, was he waiting, in the shadows?
[deleted] · 42 points · Posted at 11:33:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
oh God NO IT'S IN MY HEAD!!!
rex1991 · 23 points · Posted at 11:52:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
uhhho uuuhhhhooooooooooo
you_got_fragged · 2 points · Posted at 12:55:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
PM_ME_COCAINE_PLEASE · 1 points · Posted at 12:28:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This train ends here.
mikhel · 5 points · Posted at 15:24:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
FOR MY TIIIIIIME
3kindsofsalt · 2 points · Posted at 18:20:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
upvoted for formatting
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 18:23:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
All his life.
IDontKnowHowToPM · 10 points · Posted at 15:15:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I used to use that song as my alarm in the morning. The first bit of it does sound like an alarm clock, so I'd get angry at it, but then the rest of the song would come in and I'd be happy.
Or at least that's how it worked for the first week or so. After that it was just more anger.
Astan92 · 4 points · Posted at 15:18:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
commiserating?
mikes_username_lol · 2 points · Posted at 21:46:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Every breath you took, every move you made?
scare_crowe94 · 1 points · Posted at 11:32:43 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Guilty
OuttaSightVegemite · 3 points · Posted at 06:25:30 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Holy shit, The Rasmus. That takes me back
Riverya · 7 points · Posted at 13:00:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Torilla tavataan!
ramsesshaffy · 2 points · Posted at 15:18:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
God I had the same thing. I was 15 or something and had met this guy in a club. He told me over MSN or ICQ or whatever that he had written a song for me and just started typing the words of some super popular song that EVERYONE knew. Hilarious.
spacesticks · 2 points · Posted at 16:13:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Did he pick you up?
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 23:32:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Mine claimed the Violent Femmes. I had drinks with him a few years ago and he cringed over the memory, so there's that at least (we were like 14 and 16).
liz_lemon_lover · 1 points · Posted at 23:49:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Once I met a group of kiwis when I was younger and I put on a NZealand accent while I hung out with them. I had to come clean as I couldn't keep up the farce. I was lame haha
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 00:05:31 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend whose dad was in a band, and this was common knowledge in our group. One day we were looking at CDs and one of them picks up a CD and goes "Holy shit, it's (friend's name)'s dad's band!" It was The Offspring.
Real_Adam_Sandler · 1 points · Posted at 20:11:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I play classical music and pretend to write songs for girls all the time.
Most of my songs are so obscure I never heard before I found online or on books
theothegoth · 17 points · Posted at 17:01:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Holy shit, your friend was in Puddle of Mudd?!
RazorRabbit17 · 10 points · Posted at 13:56:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had a co-worker give me a ride home a couple times, spread out over the course of a few months. On one ride he introduces me to August Burns Red and plays one of their more popular songs (I can't remember which) and attempts to sing along and air drum with the breakdown. A month or so later he shows me his bands "demo." Not only does he play the same song, but he air drummed the same way at the same breakdown.
CottonSC · 6 points · Posted at 16:28:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy I knew in high school told all of us he not only wrote but also did the original vocal recordings of the song "Demons" by Imagine Dragons. Now he was actually a talented singer and ID was still a nobody band at the time so we initially believed he was telling the truth. As soon as the song became popular the first thing I did was look up the writers credit for the song which he obviously was not on. When asked about it he told me he was currently suing the band
AyyLMAOdazdank · 4 points · Posted at 17:39:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That man needs help.
With suing the band, that is.
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 19:20:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Guy I knew right out of high school was trying to pick up a friend of mine. Made a similar claim, and offered to sing her a song his band wrote.
He sand cannonball by Damien Rice, and got pissed when I sang along.
kutuup1989 · 10 points · Posted at 13:47:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I did that a couple of times.
When I was like 10.
I at least made the effort to run the mp3s through editing software to make it sound shabbier and like it was recorded in an empty hall.
I was still an idiot and nobody believed me.
Probably why I have no friends :(
Seeyouyeah · 10 points · Posted at 13:52:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That was pretty damn clever for a 10 year old mate, I'd be quite proud of that
scamlikenewton · 9 points · Posted at 11:54:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's not a liar, just one of the most brilliant trolls to ever live.
Seeyouyeah · 14 points · Posted at 12:37:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A troll too weird to live and too rare to die
DirectlyDisturbed · 5 points · Posted at 16:26:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You got that from my book didn't you?
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 13:51:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
How did you respond? Did you call him out?
Flex_Armstrong · 3 points · Posted at 19:02:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Band mate claimed to have set up a gig with Train who wasn't in the area and gotten us a $200,000,000 record deal. We didn't have a drummer yet and hadn't played a single show.
llademan · 5 points · Posted at 12:30:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
An old friend did this but used songs nobody had heard like unsigned artists from round the world, it clearly wasn't him but he ended up paying people to make 'live recordings' and upload them to YouTube. It was just the song playing in the background while they had there phone in there pocket. He did a lot of other stuff some really got to me. He is a dick, we are no longer friends.
RedditIsAngry · 2 points · Posted at 16:25:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Of all songs to want to claim, he chose that one.
Seeyouyeah · 2 points · Posted at 17:50:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah but we were about 11 so it checks out
OhTheHueManatee · 2 points · Posted at 19:31:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Lol I had someone do that with Living Dead Girl by Rob Zombie. That got me to ask "why don't I listen to more Rob Zombie?" So I started into a small Rob Zombie phase.
Haskillbrother · 2 points · Posted at 20:14:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I recorded that song too
I_RIDE_FAST_THINGS · 2 points · Posted at 20:34:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Maine? This sounds like an incredibly familiar story that I remember from high school...
Seeyouyeah · 1 points · Posted at 22:49:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm English mate, Puddle of Mudd inspired a whole generation of shit-chatters!
PsichicTherapist · 2 points · Posted at 20:53:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I remember someone in reddit saying on a thread on "ask reddit", about their biggest teen shame, that he made a dumb recording of himself singing that song to his crush. I think you might be the liar we're looking for...
Seeyouyeah · 1 points · Posted at 22:50:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What the fuck did you just say to me fam
toekneebullard · 1 points · Posted at 21:21:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I did this in, I think it was 6th grade? But it was They Might Be Giants, so no one my age had heard of them.
lorralorralarfs · 1 points · Posted at 22:06:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Kind of similar-- if anyone remembers the episode of As Told by Ginger where Ginger writes a depressing short story and gets sent to a therapist?? Well my friend back in elementary school shows me a file on her computer that she says got her sent to a therapist. I read it and...same story. I tried calling her out on it but she got mad at me for not believing it. I let it go, it was and still is the only time she did something like that.
Seeyouyeah · 1 points · Posted at 22:52:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wait what?
MeowntainMan · 1 points · Posted at 22:52:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Did you call him out on this shit? I would.
Mashedtatos · 1 points · Posted at 00:00:40 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Woah, almost sounded like my friend. He claimed he was in a band all through middle and high school and in 8th grade he says his band did an amazing cover song.... Then plays me "chop suey" by system of a down.
Patch3y · 1 points · Posted at 00:21:28 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My sister did this to her coworkers as a joke 6 years ago. They were convinced she was the drummer for Muse.
DoctorLazerRage · 1 points · Posted at 02:39:30 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ha! I actually knew Wes Scantlin between the original local radio success and the reformation of the band that took him national, and I turned down playing with him in the band to go to school right before he left KC for good. Probably my one shot at fame.
His story is better.
Imthejugganaut · 1 points · Posted at 06:07:19 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend once did a similar thing, claiming to have thought up some clever lines overnight. He proceeded to rap Triumph by Wu-Tang Clan in front of me.
slutty-spice · 0 points · Posted at 20:49:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He could have been fucking with you. I'd do things like that to fuck with people in HS.
Kattou · 742 points · Posted at 13:23:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ah yes, I knew one of these guys through a MMORPG we both played. We were good friends for a while, and he always had a lot of stories to tell. Most of the time these stories would be a bit over the top. They were usually pretty obviously fake, but they were not completely unfeasible. Well, except for one.
See, apparently he was quite the psychological genius. In fact, he was so smart that he had created a complete map of how the human mind works. With this map, he was able to completely simulate a human personality, and so he could apply it people and predict their every reaction to a situation. Using that knowledge, he could create so called "master plans", which he'd use to get exactly what he wanted from anyone through a set of elaborate actions.
It's a pretty neat ability to have, but I'm not sure why he'd use it to make me think he's full of shit.
TheMightyApostrophe · 47 points · Posted at 15:29:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's all part of his Masterful Megaplan (Patent Pending).
[deleted] · 24 points · Posted at 23:01:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I smell an anime plot
[deleted] · 28 points · Posted at 00:38:44 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
lol!
[deleted] · 12 points · Posted at 23:09:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Omg this sounds like something I did. Sorry friendo. If it's any consolation (and I hope it's not me), the MBTI studies show some pretty interesting correlations between behaviors but it still takes knowing the person to know how they'll react in a situation. At most it could give you a +3 roll to insight.
kiwijews · 7 points · Posted at 03:41:15 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Me too, and I made the same realizations that you did. Years ago, I was obsessed with the MBTI, body language, facial expressions, etc. when I began to struggle with social anxiety. I wanted to categorize everything so that it wasn't so overwhelming to talk to strangers after being fairly isolated for months– I had been a social kid but I was scared that I just lost my ability to hold a conversation and started 'researching.' I'm still very conscious of how I and how other people present themselves, but it doesn't distract me from the dynamic nature of my relationship with other people anymore. It's easier for me to make close bonds with many people I have little in common with, although it doesn't come as naturally as it did when I was a teen. When I first started joining the real world again, I would compartmentalize everyone and even resort to dichotomous thinking, mostly over ideological differences (I still struggle with this if I know about the ideological difference before getting to know the person). People surprise me all the time and I try to keep my introspection from taking over my interactions and my relationship with others.
Kattou · 3 points · Posted at 23:49:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ah, I'm not really surprised that there's some actual research on it. However, this research was apparently something he had done himself. In fact, he once mentioned that it was the fruits of "10 years of research". Nevermind the fact that he was 17 when he said that, but hey.
As for whether it's you, I highly doubt it. You wouldn't be questioning it, considering I have almost the same name here as in the game.
And if it is you, I'm pretty sure that we'll have to fight to the death now that we've made contact. Due to circumstances we're not exactly best of friends anymore.
acarinas · 1 points · Posted at 06:00:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I smell more story!
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:06:21 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Lol I don't think I had a falling out with him but yeah there are some people who "learn" that way who develop patterns, and basically if their Fi/Fe (sympathy and empathy, roughly) are not built up, they have no remorse or understanding the nature of their acts. It's something you notice in brains that remain immature into adulthood as well. Of course, you hope by about 25-30 everyone's learnt to be a decent human being.
Also I didn't know anything about that stuff at 17 for sure!
sweetalkersweetalker · 2 points · Posted at 06:01:50 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Please be his friend. I pray to the gods of reddit
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 05:38:14 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I cast wish. I can now read and control everyone's mind like Xavier can in Cerebro. Game over, bitches. (And for anyone with loopholes around my wish, I hired a lawyer.)
BluntTruthGentleman · 2 points · Posted at 05:44:40 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Godlike. Well written.
HBWitness · 2 points · Posted at 05:48:09 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He belongs on r/imsosmart
Lampyrinae · 6 points · Posted at 05:52:21 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Maybe you meant r/iamverysmart?
HBWitness · 4 points · Posted at 16:08:19 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yup, and that's why I'll never compete with the genius of the subreddit
sweetmilkybuns · 2 points · Posted at 07:45:06 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He sounds like a gross chuunibyou....
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 07:28:44 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
this comment is so meta it sounds like you're trying to imply that you're talking about yourself and that this comment is one of your shit ass 'elaborate actions'. wow. so 'elaborate' dude
captainmagictrousers · 7462 points · Posted at 11:29:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The guy I used to share a cubicle with was a compulsive liar. Just a few of his choice lies:
In a college philosophy course, he asked the professor "How do I know if the blue I see is the blue you see?" Apparently, this "blew his mind", upsetting him so much that he retired early.
He can bench press 1,000 pounds, and could do even more if he didn't have gout.
He can "read" print with his fingertips, like Daredevil.
He's so good at picking up women that he stopped doing it because it got boring.
He used to be involved in a dog fighting ring, and his dog would never lose, because he taught it hypnosis.
Montague-Withnail · 4696 points · Posted at 13:01:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I now have this hilarious image of an old college professor at home, rocking back and forth staring at something blue, muttering 'How do I know it's blue?!' over and over...
Treehouse-Of-Horror · 2127 points · Posted at 13:49:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Listening to Effiel 65
DrInsano · 20 points · Posted at 16:57:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
YO LISTEN UP THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A BLUE THING AND ALL THIS SHIT IS BLUE
bitemyearlobesgirl · 3 points · Posted at 08:09:32 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
EVERYBODY YOU LOVE ARE BLUE, TRANSFORMED INTO BLUE PEOPLE
RorschachDR1 · 363 points · Posted at 14:37:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ba da dee ba da die?
IContributedOnce · 656 points · Posted at 17:43:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm irrationally frustrated by you mixing up the da's and ba's...
[deleted] · 74 points · Posted at 21:43:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
How do you know that the da you see is the ba I see?
Jaw1580 · 26 points · Posted at 00:42:59 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's it, I'm retiring!
nootrino · 4 points · Posted at 04:36:20 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I now have this hilarious image of an old redittor at home, rocking back and forth staring at Eiffel 65, muttering 'How do I know it's da ba dee or ba da dee?!' over and over...
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 11:12:08 on June 29, 2016 · (Permalink)
Underrated comment
RorschachDR1 · 13 points · Posted at 17:44:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Could one say that you're blue?
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 22:03:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Who is this Rorschach guy and why does he keep painting pictures of my parents beating me?
SteoanK · 2 points · Posted at 21:03:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He's blue, I'm red with anger. How do you even do that? Wouldn't you have to kind of sing it in your head as you were typing it?
_Scrumtrulescent_ · 2 points · Posted at 00:03:41 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
You win favorite comment of the day for me hahaha
mealzer · 2 points · Posted at 00:06:45 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
No man, it's completely rational
canarchist · 2 points · Posted at 01:13:28 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Irrational frustration, it how you know you're on Reddit.
Shackleface · 16 points · Posted at 18:44:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
No no. "Da ba dee da ba dye".
Edit: Or "Die". That's subjective.
colbster411 · 30 points · Posted at 15:50:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
No its bee boo bee boo bop
OctagonalHumanist · 24 points · Posted at 16:13:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Nah man you're thinking of beep boo-boo bop boo-boo bop.
H1D3H0 · 32 points · Posted at 17:36:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You've all got it wrong. It's DABBA DEE DAH DA DIE I WOULD BEAT OFF A GUY DABBA DEE DAH DA DIE
kguild19 · 15 points · Posted at 18:08:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This song has officially been ruined for me. Thank you reddit
H1D3H0 · 1 points · Posted at 20:37:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You're welcome!
Magookas · 1 points · Posted at 20:50:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
No. Eiffel 65 ruined it.
SadGhoster87 · 1 points · Posted at 23:08:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Reddit ruined it? Have you ever once looked at the comments section on that video?
RichWPX · -1 points · Posted at 18:56:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
No everyone knows it's IF I WAS GREEN I WOULD DIE
RorschachDR1 · 4 points · Posted at 17:16:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Boo boo beep?!
[deleted] · 4 points · Posted at 20:12:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Bee boo-boo, boo boo BOP??
jobblejosh · 3 points · Posted at 20:36:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
MR KRABS IS TALKING LIKE A ROBOT!!!
yessiroryasure · 1 points · Posted at 20:21:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
that's Hansen
DearLunar · 6 points · Posted at 18:40:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Da ba dee*
fat_lazy_mofo · 19 points · Posted at 15:33:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
If I was green I would die
EzPz_101 · 12 points · Posted at 16:05:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Imma beat off a guy
havebananas · 4 points · Posted at 16:35:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
beat off a guy
BaronTatersworth · 2 points · Posted at 02:22:50 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm in need of a dime
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 05:11:43 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Cook a raspberry pie
HermitCrabCakes · 1 points · Posted at 00:53:22 on September 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
I got beat up and died
_VladimirPutin_ · 5 points · Posted at 15:55:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
i will never hear that song the same way again
OperationHumanShield · 2 points · Posted at 17:29:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Funny, I always thought it was, "I believe I'm a guy."
britneymisspelled · 2 points · Posted at 20:26:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
We thought it was "if I were green I would die" in middle school.
MyFirstOtherAccount · 2 points · Posted at 17:42:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dabba Dee Dabba Die!
grimmymac · 1 points · Posted at 18:54:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm blue if I was green I would die....
Wheredoesthetoastgo2 · 1 points · Posted at 19:09:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Play it backward and it's sounds like 'hide the body eat the body'. Creepy as fuck
RustyU · 2 points · Posted at 20:12:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Is that not just the follow up track, "Move Your Body"?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:54:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
"Move your body. Every everybody. Move your body, c'mon now everybody"
Monkeyavelli · 1 points · Posted at 19:57:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"Yes, he has a blue house with a blue window, but what does it mean?"
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:55:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well, blue is the color...
fish_whisperer · 1 points · Posted at 20:47:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
If I was green, I would die?
sensei888 · 1 points · Posted at 20:52:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Die Bart Die
FredRogersAMA · 1 points · Posted at 20:56:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
If I was green I would die
larezbears · 1 points · Posted at 20:57:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
If I was green I would die, if I was green I would die
Badabadeebadabadaa · 1 points · Posted at 21:25:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Did someone call me?
Stop mispronouncing my name, people!
Kraymur · 1 points · Posted at 21:26:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"I'm blue if I was green I would die"
sagrr · 1 points · Posted at 01:07:52 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's dab
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:17:42 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yo listen up this is a story, of a blue thing and all his shit is blue...
[deleted] · -1 points · Posted at 17:05:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
If I was green I would die
boombababy · 6 points · Posted at 18:30:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
YO LISTEN UP THIS IS A STORY
silverchai · 6 points · Posted at 15:29:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Eiffel, like the Eiffel Tower
Epic_Movie_Voice · 2 points · Posted at 23:19:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
YO LISSEN UP, HERE'S A STORY
columbus8myhw · 1 points · Posted at 15:41:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
How do I know that the notes I hear are the same as the notes you hear
gronke · 1 points · Posted at 17:01:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Now, listen up here's a story
Roarlord · 1 points · Posted at 17:24:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hide the body, eat the body.
Shounki · 1 points · Posted at 18:55:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
And that professors name?
Genetalia69 · 1 points · Posted at 18:56:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Which song?
ShoalinStyle36 · 1 points · Posted at 18:57:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
While Scribbling on his face with a blue pen "This Pen Is ROYAL blue"
Tallrunt · 1 points · Posted at 19:44:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've heard the song before, just watched he music video, and was like, "what the fuck did I just watch"
psijics · 1 points · Posted at 20:24:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
or this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TkA7xQb6uPk
partyatwalmart · 1 points · Posted at 23:41:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
For years, I thought the lyrics were, "I'm blue, if I was green, I would die."
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:15:02 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
If you are green, you are gonna die mate.
prince_kepler · 1 points · Posted at 01:29:20 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
If I was green I would die.
Maztah_P · 0 points · Posted at 16:23:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
While having painted his entire body blue, wearing nothing but blue clothes, having replaced all of his furniture with blue replicas
havebananas · 2 points · Posted at 16:35:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
And joined the Blue Man Group
delaboots · 0 points · Posted at 18:07:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
i'm blue i'm in need of a gay i'm in need of a gay i'm in need of a gay...
BlooFlea · 159 points · Posted at 13:40:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
With the windows covered up with newspapers and drawings of eyes on sheets of paper everywhere.
Flamboyatron · 2 points · Posted at 02:39:56 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Blue eyes. Always wondering what's behind them. Because no one knows what it's like.
Jaro5e · 1 points · Posted at 12:54:34 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That card always freaks people out.
Vaderesque · 262 points · Posted at 13:56:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"The pen may be blue. The pen may be blue! The GOD DAMNED PEN MAY BE BLUE!"
the_ordertaker · 38 points · Posted at 15:59:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The color of the pen that I am holding in my hand... is RRRRoyal blue!
WalropsHunter · 3 points · Posted at 15:15:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
While hitting himself in the face and rubbing soap in his own eyes
AlbertaBoundless · 15 points · Posted at 16:07:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"I'm kickin' my ass, D'YA MIND?!"
Boloar · 6 points · Posted at 15:56:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE
IrrationalFraction · 2 points · Posted at 20:21:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
If you belong to the Pen 15 Club, you can only use black ones.
TherapeuticThrowback · 2 points · Posted at 23:45:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Liar Liar
l0rdishtar · 1 points · Posted at 21:17:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
But ThePenisMightier
InterfectorFactory · 6 points · Posted at 15:10:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's called Metamerism I think, you learn this in High School if you have filosophy. It's a very standard theory. That is indeed obviously a fake story.
The_LionTurtle · 4 points · Posted at 17:03:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You could even say it...blue his mind.
JackAceHole · 3 points · Posted at 18:59:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
How Can Blue Be Real If Our Eyes Aren't Real?
Gravesh · 1 points · Posted at 07:03:18 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Checkmate atheists.
jarstult · 2 points · Posted at 15:17:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
If it was a dress it could have been gold
Unorthodoxy_af · 2 points · Posted at 17:04:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The weird image I get from this is a dog very similar to that excessively-buff one that was floating around on reddit a while back -- only able to hypnotize people
enrodude · 2 points · Posted at 20:16:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
And it "blue" his mind!
FuriosoFapper · 1 points · Posted at 16:16:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The god damn pen is blue!
foreignlander · 1 points · Posted at 17:04:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Haha! Now so do I. Stop planting images in my head.
hamelemental2 · 1 points · Posted at 17:31:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's basically all a conversation is.
PlatinumDice · 1 points · Posted at 18:08:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Im not sure if you play Destiny, but for some reason I hear and see this in the cryptarchs voice.
thiefmann · 1 points · Posted at 18:10:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He actually went on to act in OLD SCHOOL.
otterwolfy · 1 points · Posted at 18:40:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
THE PEN IS RRRRRRRROOOOOYAAALLLLL BLUUUUUUUUE!
Channel250 · 1 points · Posted at 18:41:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This pen! That I hold in my hand! Is rrrrrr.......
BiteYourOwnTongue · 1 points · Posted at 18:52:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
While drinking out of a blue glass and contemplating everything.
HishyD · 1 points · Posted at 19:23:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The pen is blue!!!
Nerdsbenerds · 1 points · Posted at 20:42:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I now have that exact image in my mind thank you.
macarenaPistacio44 · 1 points · Posted at 21:09:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I imagine this guy saying something like this in a lecture, and the professor (forehead slapping) saying, "you know Biff, you're going to be the reason I retire early." So... That one -could- be realistic in that sense....
Kraymur · 1 points · Posted at 21:27:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was imagining the dog in the ring, just walking up to the other dog, staring deeply into it's eyes and the other dog just dropping.
sparkyspirits · 1 points · Posted at 21:44:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The image that stuck in my mind is of a vicious pit bull (or whatever fighting dog, I love pits) waving a pocket watch in front of the other dog with the little spirals in his eyes.
NightOwlEye · 1 points · Posted at 21:47:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I can't escape the mental image of a dog in a ring, swinging a watch back and forth. For some reason, the dog in my fantasy is Santa's Little Helper.
Ellistann · 1 points · Posted at 22:47:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Don't read Zen and the art of Motorcycle maintainence.
Substitute the word 'quality' for 'blue' and you've got a huge plot point.
ItPutsLotionOnItSkin · 1 points · Posted at 23:12:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He blue himself
TheManRedeemed · 1 points · Posted at 00:06:35 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I got a mental image of a big fuckin dog just staring at people until they fall asleep.
woodyco · 1 points · Posted at 00:51:43 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm sure his professor had read Hume before...
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Missing_Shade_of_Blue
But this question is also within a whole field of philosophy, Epistemology.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 03:48:26 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's especially funny since it's such a common philosophical question that we have a word for it: qualia
PM_ME_YOUR_VAGINA- · 1 points · Posted at 04:30:36 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
How can we blue when our reds aren't even real?
TMI-nternets · 1 points · Posted at 08:55:30 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
There should be some sort of official way of dealing with shit like this
kingofeggsandwiches · 869 points · Posted at 15:07:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Lol, philosophy professor has mind blown by material covered in every 1st year philosophy course. It's funny because I can see how a dumb person could think he was the first to come up with this.
Dubanx · 372 points · Posted at 16:18:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know. This isn't even philosophy 101. This is like, pre-philosophy courses that EVERYONE has heard before.
offtheclip · 55 points · Posted at 18:58:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I thought of it when I was seven. When I was five I thought I'd be able to levitate if I got strong enough to pick up a plank I was sitting on. Maybe if I can bench 500 kilos.....
[deleted] · 23 points · Posted at 19:49:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
ohmyfsm · 15 points · Posted at 22:10:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When I was 10 I came up with the brilliant idea that since you can put electricity into an electric motor and get rotation out of it, then maybe if you put rotation into it you'll get electricity out. Well, it worked and oh yeah I was gonna be rich! Free electricity if only I didn't get so tired pedalling the bike.
Cainedbutable · 3 points · Posted at 11:05:21 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
When I was 10 I wet myself and cried in front of the teacher.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 13:28:51 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
When i was ten i beat my big cousin at Street Fighter 2 on the SNES. Was a great day.
Ahundred · 2 points · Posted at 00:55:08 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Damn I was late on this one, I came up with that at 12. My parents never pulled me aside to explain the 2nd law to me. Or to explain that I wasn't a genius.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 04:47:50 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Are you the Baron Munchausen?
Sivalion · 56 points · Posted at 17:55:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's like a weird shower thought.
Or like one of those deep posts you'll see on Facebook.
Gunner_Runner · 21 points · Posted at 18:16:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
#Deep
battlepengu · 12 points · Posted at 23:22:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?
Harry_Vajomache · 5 points · Posted at 02:52:45 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Have you ever accidentally peed on the toilet seat instead of your girlfriends face?
neutral_green_giant · 3 points · Posted at 02:56:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
.....wat?
pdrocker1 · 3 points · Posted at 02:59:56 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
HAVE YOU EVER ACCIDENTALLY PEED ON THE TOILET SEAT INSTEAD OF YOUR GIRLFRIENDS FACE?
InverurieJones · 1 points · Posted at 11:37:05 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
No. I never pee anywhere accidentally.
kermityfrog · 2 points · Posted at 02:37:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Jack Handey thoughts.
Slythagoras · 10 points · Posted at 20:52:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I specifically remember thinking about this as a child. It certainly blew my mind then. As an adult, not so much.
bystandling · 3 points · Posted at 03:45:26 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Eh, adults are still intrigued by the concept of qualia. We really have no way of knowing if the way we experience, say, color, matches the way others experience it.
DudeManBro7 · 1 points · Posted at 01:05:01 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Still blows my mind lol
emmster · 3 points · Posted at 22:59:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Is that not the kind of thing a seven year old comes up with? Because that's about where my niece is.
WTFisFTWbackwards · 4 points · Posted at 00:50:30 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A lot of the questions that drive philosophy are all about going back to the simple things a child would ask.
"What is reality?"
"What is right and wrong?"
"What is knowledge?"
ect.
manmanmanmanmanman · 2 points · Posted at 19:23:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Art class was pre-philosophy...mind blown, thank you.
silverrain64 · 2 points · Posted at 21:10:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Heh, for me it was playing a word-hunt game, clicking randomly, acidentally completing a word, and Googling to find out WTF a qualia is.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 00:50:06 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Well, yes, but an introductory philosophy programme might give it its formal name: the mutant problem, along with its brother, the zombie problem.
The zombie problem is that I can assert that you are just an automaton - that you react like a real person, but have no 'real' inner being - and it's tough for you to prove otherwise. The mutant problem is that I can assert that when I break your nose, you react like you're in pain, but a 'mutation' means that your brain is actually perceiving pleasure, despite responding with the same movements, cries and expressions that signify hurt.
Zombies and mutants pose all kinds of interesting questions. For example, if I, as a mutant, announce, 'I love this smell', sniffing coffee beans - but as a mutant, actually mean that I absolutely hate it - is that statement truthful, lying, and does it still have meaning? These seem straightforward, but each answer ends up throwing up awkward corner cases. The point is: there is a mature body of literature on mutants, and anyone doing the first year of a philosophy degree is probably going to encounter it.
Pcatalan · 2 points · Posted at 01:45:10 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
You mean pot smoking with friends?
ADeweyan · 1 points · Posted at 20:33:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm sure I got this question at least once a quarter when teaching any intro-level philosophy course. It got to where I would address these sorts of questions in the first class session.
neohellpoet · 1 points · Posted at 07:30:25 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's not even a hypothetical. Colorblindness is a thing. On a very practical level, we know for a fact that some people don't see color the same way most people do.
InverurieJones · 1 points · Posted at 11:36:32 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's the sort of thing you wonder about at primary school when you find out your mate is colourblind.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 11:55:31 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
AKA /r/showerthoughts
hilib · 1 points · Posted at 04:36:59 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
aka first time a 14 year old gets stoned.
[deleted] · -9 points · Posted at 19:44:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
Dubanx · 10 points · Posted at 22:10:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Uh, we know for a FACT that the same food can taste two different ways to two different people, based on genetics. Phenylthiocarbamide is an extremely well known an undeniable example of this.
Different people do experience the same sense differently. It's the reason why certain vegetables can taste painfully bitter to some people and not to others.
Your argument is clearly wrong, and there's no reason to think perception of color can't depend on genetic factors rather than being something universal.
jrlp · -5 points · Posted at 22:50:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That doesn't work for color. We know what colors are, because they are directly measurable. Colors are our perception of different wavelengths of light. We know what pigments respond to which frequency or combinations of, and agreed upon color. Red is 600-680mm. Blue is 430 to 490nm out so. The receptors in our eye are sensitive to only a range of frequencies.
We can measure and test. Blue is blue. If you would like some reading, the wiki article for color vision and color perception is great. the physiology of color perception is a well studied science by many different types of doctors and scientists.
person594 · 5 points · Posted at 00:25:14 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
What about the colorblind and tetrochromats?
Dubanx · 3 points · Posted at 00:59:26 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not to mention who knows what's going on in our heads with how our brains process said information.
People who were blind from birth and given sight by science frequently struggle to use and understand their newfound vision because they never developed it as babies. This definitely lends credence to the idea that some aspects of vision is learned and developed rather than hard wired.
kingofeggsandwiches · 11 points · Posted at 20:21:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
That argument is bullshit frankly. The point of the question is to ask ourselves "how do we know that we see the same colour", the response "We probably do because we're genetically similar", isn't really good enough to put the argument to bed.
HelloIAmHawt · 128 points · Posted at 17:38:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He retired early because his students were so stupid that they thought grade school level postulations were appropriate to voice in a college setting.
It's rough being a college prof in a world where nearly everyone thinks they should go to college.
kingofeggsandwiches · 10 points · Posted at 17:47:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
To be fair, the inverted colour problem isn't a "grade school" level problem in philosophy. However, asking a Phil prof if he knows about it is a bit like asking a Chem prof if he knows what a covalent bond is. It's an age old philosophical problem going back hundreds of years, and a start point for many people in their first philosophy lecture. There are hundreds of books written solely on that problem, and people have dedicated their whole careers to looking at how it can be solved.
DaenerysDragon · 1 points · Posted at 19:35:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Could you describe the problem and possible solutions to it?
I've always wondered about that. Just because we agreed that a certain wave length is a certain colour, does it really mean every person actually sees the same colour if looking at the same wave length?
kingofeggsandwiches · 3 points · Posted at 20:45:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Gladly, for an in depth explanation of the problem check out my post here
As for solutions there a lot of them, and I can't remember them all, but I can outline what do remember.
1) Direct realism - direct realism is the belief that when you look at the red ball you really are, contrary to what many people think, experiencing the red light frequency I described in my previous post. In this sense, the quality of "redness" that you perceive when looking is the same thing as the light waves. If we take this point of view, then colour inversion is impossible since we are both directly experiencing the same objective property of the universe directly.
To understand the next argument I'll have to introduce a concept called qualia. Qualia is the term philosophers call perceptual qualities such as "redness", differentiated from the the objective thing "red light", which would be defined as "light waves within a frequency band x - y".
2) Functionalism - qualia are properties of or arising from functional states. This is rather complicated to go into, also bear in mind its been a long time since I was at university so I've forgotten most it. However, this solves the problem by basically saying that the qualia, "redness", you experience is a property of your belief state of mind that says "I can see a red thing". The ultimate conclusion of this line of thought is that colour inversion is impossible, because provided that we both say "I am seeing a red thing", since the "redness" qualia is a property of that belief state, then we must both be having the same qualitative subjective experience of the qualia "redness" because we both believe that we're seeing something red.
3) Representationalism - qualia are a property of, or identical with, some kind of mediating entity, that we perceive when red light enters our eyes. That is to say that "redness" belongs to, or is, some kind of representation that our mind creates when we are around red light, so our whole lives we go around never really seeing red objects, but rather representations that our mind creates for us so that we are able to interact with the world in a way our mind can understand. If this is the case, then it's very much possible that my experience of redness is similar or the same as your experience of blueness, and that our experience of colour is inverted.
These are really just a few of the possible solutions that philosophers have tried. Also bear in mind that I'm painting with very broad strokes here, and in reality there are dozens of variations, and each philosopher conceives of each variation slightly differently. Real problem is that each solution has its own set of strengths and weakness, and each solution just ends up with more seemingly irreconcilable problems. What a philosopher ultimate concludes is usually to do with which theory he believes has the least bad problems, rather than there really being a solution. If you ever study philosophy at a university level you'll find it's just endless layers of problems, we find a way to solve one problem, but it just creates a new one. There's no real answer to any of it.
DaenerysDragon · 1 points · Posted at 21:51:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Thanks, that was exactly what I was looking for!
kingofeggsandwiches · 1 points · Posted at 22:09:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
No worries, if you're in knowing more you might want to look up the argument from hallucination, since that's a crucial part of the debate.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 21:20:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I know I'm not the original dude, but I love this topic and wanted to add my two cents (if it matters, although I feel cringey adding this, I'm a philosophy PhD student specializing in philosophy of mind). There are two major forms of the spectrum problem; the first is called the "inverted qualia problem," and the second is called the "absent qualia problem."
"Qualia" is used here as a technical term for the qualitative properties associated with a particular mental state--roughly, the way that mental state feels when it occurs. There are intuitively all sorts of qualia--the myriad qualities of pain (searing, throbbing, biting, etc.), temperature sensations (warmth, chilliness, etc.), internal sensations of hunger, balance, muscle flexion, and body position, orgasm, the fine-grained qualities associated with sound (tone, timbre, pitch), smell (pungency and pleasantness), and taste (bitterness, savoriness, sweetness) and, relevantly, visual qualia. Somewhat controversially, there are qualia associated with color sensations--"what it is like"/"what it feels like" for you to see the color red, for instance. These are the qualia to which the inverted and absent qualia problem apply.
At a first pass, the inverted qualia problem is this: it seems logically possible that a complete duplicate of you--with the same genetics, the same neurophysiology, the same psychological (but non-qualitative) states (beliefs, desires, etc.), the same environmental upbringing, and so on, might, when faced with some object, experience its color properties differently than you. More simply, they might have had a red quale (singular) even though you have a green one. More generally, the qualia associated with the primary colors might have been systematically inverted: their red qualia are my green qualia, their blue qualia are my yellow qualia, and so on.
The absent qualia problem is almost identical, except that my duplicate has no qualia whatsoever. If you have ever heard of philosophical "zombies," this is precisely what was being talked about (although other kinds of zombies are conceivable--duplicates without pain, internal, sound, smell, and taste qualia, for instance).
There are a few things to distinguish about this problem. First, it is not explicitly an empirical issue. It is therefore not sufficient to solve this problem by pointing to underlying genetics, neurophysiology, and psychology. Here is why.
The problem is not that there are empirical regularities which correlate perfectly with qualia. Everyone in the dispute agrees that my green quale occurs only when certain cone cells in my retinas transduce light energy, translate the energy signals into electro-chemical information, send the information through the visual pathways, integrate it with information from other brain areas, and so on. Similarly, no one disputes the relevance of genetics, environmental upbringing, and psychology to my green quale. It is even quite coherent (though a bit more controversial) to suppose that these empirical phenomena cause the quale to exist. What matters, instead, is that this appears to be a logical possibility (as opposed to an empirical, or "nomological" possibility). That is, there seems to be no contradiction in conceiving of a situation involving an inverted or absent qualia duplicate. Why is this relevant? Aren't all sorts of things logically conceivable? Though this is a very common (and I think strong) response, here is some motivation for the problem. It has to do with our explanation of qualia--to take just one example, our identification of qualia with underlying neurology and psychology.
Before chemical theory, human beings had a concept of "water." They knew how to refer to water in their environment, they knew how to find it, describe it, and so forth. After the emergence of chemical theory, and after some experimentation, it was discovered that water is in fact H2O. In other words, all there is to being water is being H2O molecules organized in such and such a way. Now, given that this discovery in fact obtained, try to imagine a world which was a duplicate of ours, but in which there was H2O without water. Can you do so?
You might think, as some philosophers do, that you cannot--since water just IS H2O, conceiving of H2O without water amounts to conceiving that something both exists and does not exist. And, intuitively, you can't conceive of that happening. It's a contradiction. In this case, everyone agrees that water perfectly correlates with H2O. This is an empirical or nomological fact. But it also seems logically or conceptually impossible, given our discovery, that water fails to correlate with H2O. Why? Because it IS H2O, and everything necessarily correlates with itself.
On the other hand, you might still think that such a state of affairs IS conceivable. And you can get around the previous worry by saying that when you conceive of H2O without water, you are instead conceiving of H2O without what we previously thought of as water. What did we previously think of as water? Whatever we used to track, find, refer to, and describe water before chemical theory--for instance, the way water appeared to us. So, perhaps it IS impossible to conceive of H2O without water. Even so, it may be possible to conceive of H2O without watery appearances. You might picture a grade school picture of covalently bonded molecules, which certain don't appear to be water. And that's fine--those molecules still ARE water, but they don't need to be water's appearance.
Now let's go back to the qualia case. Why does it matter that it seems logically possible for their to be inverted or absent qualia duplicates? We said before that if two things really are identical, then in any duplicate situation, if you have one, you have the other. But it seems possible that you could have a duplicate of me, with the same genetics, same neurophysiology, same psychology, and so on, yet with distinct qualia from those I actually have when, say, I look at a colored object. This means that, at least as far as things appear, qualia do not necessarily correlate with the underlying neurophysiology, psychology, and so on. (Again, this is not to say that they don't ACTUALLY correlate with these things--everyone agrees that they do). But we just showed that if two things are identical, they must correlate in any duplicate situation. It follows logically that qualia are not identical to any of the underlying neurophysiological or psychological mechanisms.
Can we say that when we conceive of this duplicate case, we are merely imagining that the physical structures exist without the appearances of qualia, just like we did before? Intuitively not: there seems to be no difference between the way qualia appear and the way they are; they just are the appearances of things. (Imagine me telling you that even though you appear to be in pain, you really aren't. There's a sense in which this is coherent, and a sense in which it is not. Fans of qualia are more interested in the latter sense).
Ultimately, this is why the inverted and absent qualia problems are problems at all: they imply that the way things consciously appear to us is not merely a function of the basic scientific facts. This is where the philosophical position called "dualism" gets a lot of its traction (there are plenty of other arguments though, too).
Now, philosophers tend not to like dualism, just like a lot of otherwise scientifically-inclined people (and perhaps contrary to popular belief!). So a lot of the literature against arguments for dualism presses the following stances:
A massive literature has developed around these (and many more) possibilities, and they are essentially the potential "solutions" to the problem in its hardest form. That form is, again, not obviously empirical, but conceptual. As you put it, it is about "real meaning," in the sense that we do not have obvious guarantees about the nature of qualia that we might have when we, for instance, scientifically explain water or heredity or what have you.
This simplifies a lot, but if you're interested, the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy has a lot of good stuff, and Saul Kripke's "Naming and Necessity" presents an argument roughly equivalent to this one (it's also a fairly easy read, compared to a lot of philosophy). All the best!
DaenerysDragon · 2 points · Posted at 21:49:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wow, thank you so much for this explanation! I've never even heard of qualias, I will read up on that.
GrayWing · 4 points · Posted at 20:11:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Genetics dictate that you have the same light receptors and visual color signaling pathway as your parents. Assuming we all came from a common ancestor, all humans alive today have that exact pathway.
It's interesting to think about, but human brains aren't as unique as you might think. We all have the same set-up for that kind of thing. Everyone feels "hot" because of temperature sensing cells with a similar pathway to the brain, but we aren't asking "is my hot the same as your hot?"
[deleted] · 17 points · Posted at 17:05:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] · 18 points · Posted at 17:11:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dumb people who think they are super smart are scary.
[deleted] · 7 points · Posted at 17:51:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
o0i81u8120o · 1 points · Posted at 18:31:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I don't mind being average, but it seems more and more I notice how average is set a little too high.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 19:45:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
o0i81u8120o · 2 points · Posted at 19:47:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It isn't even just on the internet, but Facebook doesn't help. I only go on Facebook if there is something going on.
Kenny__Loggins · 8 points · Posted at 18:20:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Did you let him know it only goes up to 36?
RedditYankee · 6 points · Posted at 19:08:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There are extra questions that you're only allowed to see if you're a supergenius.
DoctorWaluigiTime · 6 points · Posted at 20:04:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Part of me kind of wishes there were bonus rounds on standardized tests.
Barnowl79 · 2 points · Posted at 19:29:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Lol the ACT only goes up to 36.
LtWorf_ · 3 points · Posted at 19:29:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I asked this question to my mum when I was a child. She said "don't be silly". She has a degree in philosophy.
kingofeggsandwiches · 2 points · Posted at 19:45:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
She's either a hardcore direct realist or, as is common with philosophy students, the actual study of philosophy led her to conclude it's not worth the bloody effort.
Swarles_Stinson · 2 points · Posted at 19:11:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
1st year philosophy course?
Metaphysics was a 500 level course at my school and it was the first time i learned of universals and particulars. Intro philosophy courses are usually logic/ethics classes.
kingofeggsandwiches · 3 points · Posted at 19:22:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So? Your experience is not the only one available.
At my university Locke was one of the first things we studied, and that's how most students were introduced to the inverted spectrum problem. Also British universities work completely differently from the US, as students arrive with a lot more knowledge about their field owing to the fact that they only study 4 subject in their penultimate school year and 3 subjects in the final year. When they arrive at the university they are typically committed to studying one subject and will immediately jump into studying that specific subject in as much depth possible.
bearsnchairs · 1 points · Posted at 22:42:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Don't let that person fool you, there are definitely freshman level philosophy courses in the US. We even studied some Locke in 10th grade European history in a unit on philosophers.
DoctorWaluigiTime · 2 points · Posted at 19:26:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
And don't we know (because science) that we do all see the same color (i.e. wavelength) anyway?
kingofeggsandwiches · 7 points · Posted at 19:59:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
The wavelength of light generally considered to be non-identical with your sensation of colour. When you look at the red cup, you don't seem to experience a light wave of the frequency band x - y, but rather than a sensory perception with a distinctive quality that you name "red" or "redness" if you like.
It's this dichotomy between the objective thing as science describes it, and the sensation you experience when you perceive the thing, that the problem really gets to the heart of. The problem is that the sensation you experience when having a "red experience" doesn't seem to be anything like the thing science describes by testing the objective nature of light photons in a red frequency. This leads to us believe that what you experience inside your mind when you see a thing isn't the raw light frequency, but rather a sensation that body creates which correlates with red light (light within a red frequency band) entering your eyes.
Assuming this to be true, could it not be possible, assuming a your mind is a product of your material brain (we'll take that for granted), that when light of the the frequency x - y is shone into my eyes, I experience a certain perception A, which I call red? And that you, when light of the frequency x - y is shone into your eyes, have a perception B, which you call red?
However, when light of the frequency range c - d is shone into my eyes, I experience a perception B, that is identical to or very similar to your perception B. But when light of the frequency range c - d is shone into your eyes, you experience a perception A, that is identical or similar to my perception A. All it would take is for our brains to be wired slightly differently, in the same way that you could make two electronic devices, one that gave the value 1 in the presence of red light, and the value 0 in the presence of blue light, and another device that gave the value 0 in the presence of red light, and the value 1 in the presence of blue light.
In this sense, yes, when light of frequency range x - y enters either of our eyes, we both make the exclamation "I am seeing a red thing", however, the perception you have when you see a red thing is not the same perception that I have when I see a red thing, and in fact my perception of red is the same perception you have when you see a blue thing, and vice versa.
DeedTheInky · 2 points · Posted at 20:06:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
As a colour blind person, I can assure you that it's like the second or third question people go to almost 100% of the time!
Every interaction where someone finds out you're colour blind =
Also obligatory this video. :)
Real_Adam_Sandler · 1 points · Posted at 20:07:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Four year Olds literally worry about that.
kingofeggsandwiches · 1 points · Posted at 20:08:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The clever ones do at least. The rest are too busy throwing things at each other or making fart noises.
metastasis_d · 1 points · Posted at 20:51:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Or how cool it would be to be the first person to come up with it once he read it in a magazine or something.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:32:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
kingofeggsandwiches · 2 points · Posted at 21:39:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
No it's not, that won't work, otherwise there wouldn't be thousands of books and dissertations written on the subject. If you want to understand why you can read my explanation here.
shhhhquiet · 1 points · Posted at 23:12:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"How can blue be real if our eyes aren't real?"
ghostdate · 1 points · Posted at 00:59:24 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well, to be fair, I've always heard the question phrased using the colour red. Maybe the professor was just mind blown by his colour choice.
kingofeggsandwiches · 1 points · Posted at 01:03:41 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
That's because many seminal papers on the topic also used the colour red, and this resulted in it becoming the sort of go to colour on philosophy papers. Also, red is a prime colour, so you don't get some idiot student standing up and saying "actually you'll find that purple is a mixture of red and blue", as if that mattered, also red is only three letters long.
katmonday · 1 points · Posted at 01:17:44 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I remember thinking about it as a kid, and thinking I must have been the first person ever to wonder if we all had the same favourite colour, but we all called that colour a different name.
As a teacher I just go "That's so interesting!" when a kid shares the same idea with me.
kingofeggsandwiches · 1 points · Posted at 01:24:16 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Haha well at least you're rewarding them for coming up with an idea in a way. The fact that kids come up with these things really shows that 1. you don't need to be mature to think philosophically and 2. philosophical questions actually start incredibly simple. The danger is that you can take a genius with a sky high IQ sit him down to spend his whole life thinking about them and he'll never come up with a definitive answer.
katmonday · 1 points · Posted at 01:26:35 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's true! You have to respond to each kid differently, I might respond to the really bright one by saying that lots of people think about similar problems, and point them towards a kid-friendly resource about philosophy.
ediblesprysky · 1 points · Posted at 01:31:10 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I remember thinking that when I was like 4. How anyone can think that's original is beyond me.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:45:15 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
To be fair, the only way I've heard the question is "Is the green I see the same green that you see?"
kingofeggsandwiches · 0 points · Posted at 02:49:54 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Purge the heretic
Sxeptomaniac · -1 points · Posted at 17:30:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well, it relates to philosophical skepticism, which is a such a new concept, I can see how the professor might not have been prepared for the question.
kingofeggsandwiches · 3 points · Posted at 17:50:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yes, you'd have to be specialist to have heard of scepticism as a philosophy prof.
RosMaeStark · 1491 points · Posted at 12:41:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
ALL HAIL HYPNODOG!
[deleted] · 683 points · Posted at 13:03:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
WMMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWM
im_not_me_irl · 524 points · Posted at 13:50:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ohhh so that's how you spell that.
missingN0pe · 7 points · Posted at 15:38:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I like to think it starts with a B
WetDogeSmell · 3 points · Posted at 20:40:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well you'd be wrong so...
large_sized_rooster · 5 points · Posted at 14:14:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
ALL HAIL TO THE GLORY OF HYPNODOG
badfan · 4 points · Posted at 21:00:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hypnotoad vs Hypnodog in HYPNOBOWL!
What is hype-no may never die!
Ghotimonger · 1 points · Posted at 20:08:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
angrycomputer.wmv
snailshrooms · 9 points · Posted at 13:51:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What are you talking ab- ALL HAIL THE HYPNODOG
ulmxn · 4 points · Posted at 15:23:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
No dont make me kill myself!
samme79 · 6 points · Posted at 13:59:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wololololololo
Tucker33 · 4 points · Posted at 14:49:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
HYPNODOG, I CHOOSE YOU!!!
Loliforgotmypass · 2 points · Posted at 19:12:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
WOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
Coral_ · 2 points · Posted at 07:34:52 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This dude has a real life Pokemon
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 08:49:02 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I am surprised no-one has mentioned this ..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYHYgU6S2lg
new-mustard-lover · 1 points · Posted at 16:26:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
This is a yes man reference right?
Epicepicman · 2 points · Posted at 22:50:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Futurama.
noblesix31 · 1 points · Posted at 01:18:53 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Just saw this episode for the first time last night haha.
new-mustard-lover · 1 points · Posted at 01:27:39 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Damn, i actually watch futurama. I feel stupid for missing the reference. And i will never understand how people would downvote me for getting somethong wrong.
Froghat_Vendor · 464 points · Posted at 13:10:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hypnosis from a dog? Oh god, if that animal gets loose, no one is safe!
Everyone will be brainwashed into stockpiling treats in the front lawn or something like that.
SublimeStory · 362 points · Posted at 14:01:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
THAT'S THE MOST ILLEGAL MOVE IN THE HISTORY OF WRESTLING
DangerousFat · 12 points · Posted at 17:02:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I love you for this reference.
SublimeStory · 6 points · Posted at 18:22:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
And I love you, random citizen
zoro_the_copy_ninja · 1 points · Posted at 02:56:43 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I feel like that's the one thing that came out of that movie.
Apple_juice_13 · 5 points · Posted at 21:15:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wait, why aren't we hypnotized?
SublimeStory · 2 points · Posted at 21:24:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
HE DIDN"T LOOK BEHIND
Shibbledibbler · 2 points · Posted at 17:11:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What's this from?
MankDemerinos · 13 points · Posted at 17:53:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xIYVw3ZPJk
spicycornchip · 2 points · Posted at 17:40:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Paul Blart 2.
LuxNocte · 1 points · Posted at 19:07:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
relevant
Gupperz · 1 points · Posted at 19:50:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'll allow it
RafeDangerous · 7 points · Posted at 14:27:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
TIL my dog is a hypnotist. Many things explained.
ChefBoyAreWeFucked · 1 points · Posted at 00:26:58 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
No, he's a hyptonee.
tehzephyrsong · 3 points · Posted at 17:00:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
WHO IS A GOOD BOY?
velocity010 · 3 points · Posted at 17:34:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah it would be a real travesty if th- ALL HAIL THE HYPNO DOG!
Radijs · 1 points · Posted at 15:47:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Or start a TV show.
https://youtu.be/8AOfbnGkuGc
ZXurai · 1 points · Posted at 16:21:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Isn't that a Pokemon ? Lmao
Vaxcio · 1 points · Posted at 22:04:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have my pokeflute still, we should be fine.
Color_blinded · 1 points · Posted at 22:04:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Or feeding them and picking up their poop and giving them belly rubs! And liking it!
123456789j · 1 points · Posted at 01:07:12 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
The staring frog of southern Sri Lanka
neohellpoet · 1 points · Posted at 07:33:28 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Pff, hypno dogs. What nonsense. Now hypno toads...
CanadianGuy116 · 410 points · Posted at 14:09:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Saying he could read print with his fingers is a horrible lie because he would be expected to do it right away. What did he say when you told him to do it?
Also, look at this MONSTER fail a 1070 lbs bench press. Unless he looked like this guy, what an obvious lie
captainmagictrousers · 471 points · Posted at 14:14:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I asked him to "read" a newspaper with his fingers, but then he admitted it worked better with embossed business cards, like the ones they gave us at work. So he could only do it with raised lettering that he had already read before.
And he didn't look anything like a body builder. He looked like a fatter version of Milton from Office Space.
Disc_Golf · 215 points · Posted at 15:34:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I wouldve just asked him to do 15 pushups. That alone wouldve proved him a liar.
TheFaster · 100 points · Posted at 18:10:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"Oh no sorry I can't, I have Athelete's Toes and can't put any weight on the tips of my toes"
Helpimstuckinreddit · 7 points · Posted at 22:38:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"no worries, use your knees then. Even easier"
GodOfTheSquirrels · 9 points · Posted at 01:43:38 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
But he accidentally hypnotized his knees permanently so they are now incapable of supporting any weight. Also his knees are ultra-sensitive due to extensive "knee-reading" practice.
EtsuRah · 2 points · Posted at 07:13:25 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
"I've got athletes body. It sounds cool, bit it means I can't use any of my body for physical use."
unnoho · 12 points · Posted at 18:22:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well see he only lifts for his Max and can't do repetitive lifts.
rabaltera · 9 points · Posted at 19:40:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's clearly an endurance test though, he only trains for pure strength.
MatttheBruinsfan · 6 points · Posted at 20:36:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
15 x 400 is wayyy more than 1000 lbs.!
RhetoricalPenguin · 4 points · Posted at 21:32:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
If you don't think about it, a push up is just bench pressing the earth.
champion_panther · 2 points · Posted at 21:38:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Username checks out!!
Disc_Golf · 1 points · Posted at 21:42:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Nice!
DalkerKD · 1 points · Posted at 21:25:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
but that doesnt work since hes well over 2000lbs
Menism · 11 points · Posted at 17:51:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
And the world record is 1100 pounds if he's benching 1k he's not sitting in a cubicle
Claw_of_Shame · 4 points · Posted at 18:02:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
brilliant
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 18:49:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
captainmagictrousers · 3 points · Posted at 18:54:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It even has a watermark!
Loliforgotmypass · 3 points · Posted at 19:13:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Lmfao....
grafton24 · 3 points · Posted at 20:00:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's exactly how I pictured him to be. I'm pretty sure there's one in every office.
mtdewrulz · 2 points · Posted at 00:07:47 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm pretty sure I could do it with a regular non-embossed business card that I'd read before.
Kinky_Jew · 2 points · Posted at 01:14:30 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
so braille?
Gravesh · 2 points · Posted at 07:07:41 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Indulge him. Otherwise he'll set the building on fire.
mylackofselfesteem · 2 points · Posted at 09:25:07 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
yeah, I kinda figured that's what he'd look like, what with the gout and all. Who even still has gout?? haha
gopec · 9 points · Posted at 17:40:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That 1070 lb bench press was impressive. It highlights not only the need for strength (obviously), but also body type. The combination of barrel chest and T-Rex arms looks like an important part of this lift. I'm not a lifter, but can guys with perhaps more "normal" length arms even do this type of stuff?
CanadianGuy116 · 6 points · Posted at 17:48:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Very good observation and good question. Having a body type like this is a huge advantage in power lifters, but is not a requirement. Here is a 410 lbs press performed by a guy who weighs 154 lbs. In my opinion that is more impressive than the 1070 because of exactly what you said. The barrel chest makes the 1070 guy's range of motion MUCH shorter than this 410 guy. The 410 guy is INSANELY strong for his size.
PM_ME_UR_FEM_BUTTS · 2 points · Posted at 01:37:17 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I think his pecs mass to body mass ratio might be over 10% lol.
TheHornyToothbrush · 2 points · Posted at 05:54:55 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
How is that even possible??? He's not even big?
runjimrun · 3 points · Posted at 17:29:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Right? I worked with a guy (Jesus, I've worked with a lot of compulsive liars) who said he can squat 1000 lbs. None of us believe him to begin with cuz he was just a regularly build stoner. But then I found the fact around that time that Barry Sanders squats 800. So, this stoner that I work with out-squats Barry Sanders. We just encouraged him.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 19:02:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
And that's with a bench shirt. The biggest raw bench press is upwards 739lbs by Sarychev.
PvRed · 3 points · Posted at 19:19:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not only is the guy an absolute beast, but this is equipped powerlifting, with the lifter wearing a bench shirt, which can add up to 300lbs (dont quote me on this) to your bench. Long story short OPs dude sounds like he cant even do a pushup
Morvictus · 2 points · Posted at 19:34:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well clearly he would have needed to look like that guy to lift 1070 pounds, but he was only claiming a modest 1000, so...
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 21:06:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Holy crap, that guy can't even put his arms down, they're so big!
CanadianGuy116 · 2 points · Posted at 22:31:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
His arms are huge, but he's wearing a bench press shirt. It brings pulls your arms hard like that to make benching easier
blacklab · 1 points · Posted at 19:16:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Him wearing that brace annoys me for some reason.
LinksAwakening42 · 1 points · Posted at 05:29:41 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Just the fact that that required three spotters, each of which is more muscular that anyone I have seen in my life, shows how much BS he was spouting.
smallerthings · 1 points · Posted at 14:32:01 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm actually more impressed the bar didn't completely bend or snap than anything else.
CanadianGuy116 · 1 points · Posted at 14:37:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
It takes A LOT to snap a bar, but that's not to say it's never happened before
Andolomar · 1 points · Posted at 21:06:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I actually can read print with my fingers if there is good spacing and it is done using a laser printer, because the toner is sort of pasted to the paper and it ends up being embossed. If the font size is around fourteen with ordinary spacing, I can actually "read" quite a bit of it by touch.
That's my party trick. So far it has gotten me exactly zero girls.
Sefirot8 · -4 points · Posted at 16:54:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
whats the point of getting that strong if you can barely move anymore. anybody on the street could have pushed him down it looks like, and then hed roll on his back like an ugly turtle without a shell
Emperorerror · 7 points · Posted at 17:08:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
How's it going cultivating that neckbeard of yours?
winter_mutant · 0 points · Posted at 22:45:18 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wow, that guy's so muscular it's actually really unattractive. I didn't think that was possible.
MatttheBruinsfan · -1 points · Posted at 20:36:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
To be fair, that guy was so ungainly I was surprised he didn't need help getting up like a turtle on its back.
CanadianGuy116 · 3 points · Posted at 20:53:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He's wearing a bench press shirt
Mage_of_Shadows · 920 points · Posted at 13:08:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
FTFY
slowhand88 · 320 points · Posted at 14:34:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[Insert Arrested Development References Here]
fnord_happy · 12 points · Posted at 19:02:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You prematurely shot your wand I'm afraid
Lupin_AAGL · 8 points · Posted at 19:21:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
On what was supposed to be a dry run!
goat_puree · 5 points · Posted at 19:38:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So I'm afraid I have something of a mess on my hands.
TheBestBigAl · 6 points · Posted at 22:26:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You blowhard!
kerelberel · 1 points · Posted at 06:12:07 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
wad
fnord_happy · 1 points · Posted at 10:26:33 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Thanks
darkbreak · 19 points · Posted at 16:51:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Okay. "I've made a huge mistake, hermano."
a_good_pun · 7 points · Posted at 19:10:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Loose seal!
Vashtu · 7 points · Posted at 20:39:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
'Away.' You forgot to say 'away' again.
HighLarryOus · 5 points · Posted at 21:01:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm afraid I just blue myself
ODeletedO · 3 points · Posted at 01:46:55 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I just blue myself
andersphoto · 2 points · Posted at 23:53:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
ukelele riff
downhereforyoursoul · 19 points · Posted at 14:50:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He just blue himself.
vasilescur · 3 points · Posted at 14:28:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Beat me to it
E4tabrizi · -1 points · Posted at 14:47:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He's blue he's a dee baa do adoo blah blah blah blue blue.
DatFLank · 587 points · Posted at 12:45:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Everyone knows hypnosis can only be taught to psychic or ghost type pokemon
Edit: Apparently I didn't know as much as I thought I did about pokemon
NinjaKaabii · 314 points · Posted at 13:22:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
How do you explain the poli family? Or spinda? Hoothoot? In fact now that i think of it, heaps of non ghost or psychic pokemon learn it haha.
[deleted] · 25 points · Posted at 16:57:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
samuel33334 · 15 points · Posted at 20:29:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Butterfree can too and thats a fucking flying bug buttterfly
thatJainaGirl · 4 points · Posted at 21:30:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm going to have to revoke your Pokémon League certification.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 21:46:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hoothoot/ spinda are normal. Polis have swirls
peace_off · 11 points · Posted at 15:20:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Here's a list of pokémon that can.
MGrand3 · 4 points · Posted at 17:05:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
They're clearly compulsive liars.
blueisthenewblack · 1 points · Posted at 16:46:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I don't know anything about Pokemon, so I spent a couple minutes thinking about what a weird name "hooth-oot" was.
wangchung16 · -2 points · Posted at 17:14:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
It actually is spelt with a hyphen between the hoots, so don't feel too bad, the misspelt it.
EDIT: Idiot post, please ignore
PikaSamus · 8 points · Posted at 18:09:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It actually has no hyphen
wangchung16 · 2 points · Posted at 19:11:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Fuck, really? My life is a lie
blueisthenewblack · 1 points · Posted at 08:18:16 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Aww thanks for trying. For what it's worth, I would've believed you. :P
WhiteMagicalHat · 1 points · Posted at 17:19:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yanmega heat
cheesechimp · -3 points · Posted at 18:35:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
They don't get STAB though.
Styg13 · 12 points · Posted at 19:20:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Cant have stab on a status move
cheesechimp · 4 points · Posted at 20:34:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You're totally right. I was mixing it up with Confusion in my mind.
Styg13 · 2 points · Posted at 20:45:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Haha no worries
NightOnTheSun · 116 points · Posted at 13:19:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well, he didn't mention what kind of dog it was, maybe it's some kind of ghost dog that'll be introduced in Sun and Moon.
jaksida · 28 points · Posted at 14:38:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
RIP Iwanko
Rainuwastaken · 2 points · Posted at 18:09:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Iwanko is a rock-dog though. He would only really have to watch out for Fighting or Steel type dogs in a fight, and I don't think there are any of those. Certainly not any that are popular, or both types at once.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:01:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
eh... I wank?
jump-n-shoot-man · 1 points · Posted at 01:20:34 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's like you aren't keeping up to date with the newest Pokemon games or something...
Rivent · 5 points · Posted at 14:37:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Maybe the lead character could be Forest Whitaker.
cannedcream · 3 points · Posted at 16:16:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
But how do I know if the Pokemon Sun and Moon I see is the Pokemon Sun and Moon you see?
NightOnTheSun · 3 points · Posted at 16:59:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Mind blown; quitting my job.
Regvlas · 2 points · Posted at 19:16:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Espeon is kind of a psychic dog.
Emloaf · 2 points · Posted at 21:35:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Or his dog could just be a Smeargle which can learn every move.
LinksAwakening42 · 1 points · Posted at 05:32:11 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
In which case Spore would be the far superior choice to hypnosis.
IntentionalMisnomer · 1 points · Posted at 00:03:56 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
his dog is an Absol most likely
Blue_Bi0hazard · 1 points · Posted at 01:10:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
How about... Ghost mutt?
iamslm22 · 3 points · Posted at 15:19:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Blatantly false.
comatthew6 · 2 points · Posted at 15:53:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Meowth and Persian can learn it
velocity010 · 2 points · Posted at 17:35:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm here to be that guy
http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Poliwag_(Pok%C3%A9mon)#By_leveling_up
You can
thankhate me later.BlooFlea · 1 points · Posted at 13:39:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Its a cross breed man, never enter a pure bred into a fight.
_Kramerica_ · 1 points · Posted at 13:55:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What if you use ditto to transform to a psy Pokemon, can you train him hypnosis? What happens after he returns to ditto form?
Zurrkitty · 2 points · Posted at 15:01:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He would no longer be able to use it. Pokemon moves are special powers restricted to different species. Think of it as trying to flex a muscle that the Ditto would no longer have. He might remember how it's done, but as a Ditto it's impossible to flex a muscle he no longer has.
SirToastyToes · 1 points · Posted at 16:43:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well Smeargle is a dog and can use Sketch to learn it
zoso33 · 1 points · Posted at 18:10:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
If call bullshit on the 'never loses' part. Everyone knows how useful 60% accuracy is in a pinch.
workraken · 1 points · Posted at 18:22:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That must have hurt to admit.
Kablaow · 9 points · Posted at 14:14:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
According to google he holds the world record in bench press
k0rnflex · 3 points · Posted at 22:00:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
World record bench of all time is 1100 by tiny meeker (or 1087. i think he failed his lockout on the 1100 atfempt).
King_of_AssGuardians · 9 points · Posted at 15:07:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
But like, some of these are so easy to disprove... why?
captainmagictrousers · 9 points · Posted at 15:23:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
From what I know about his actual personal life, he really had nothing going on. All he did was work, eat fast food, and watch TV. I think he was so focused on trying to convince people that he had an interesting, exciting life that it just never occurred to him that they might not believe his lies.
AlbinoHessian · 8 points · Posted at 16:13:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When people lie about weightlifting, they always tell the most ridiculous lie that usually puts them in the same group as the top 10% of strongmen or Olympic athletes in the world.
I once had someone tell me they could squat 750. When I said how since he was so skinny he told me "Dude, it's just a mind over matter thing".
WannabeGroundhog · 7 points · Posted at 14:45:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm laughing in the bathroom at work now at the idea of a hypnodog knocking out a bunch of savage pitbulls.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 15:34:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ip Man ass dog. Dog over here like "there is no spoon". Old ass buddha ass dog. Vegetarian ass hypnotized dog. Muthfucker quit smokin, that's for sure. Used to be fat, got on that late night infomercial ass hypnotized dog.
SirWinstonFurchill · 7 points · Posted at 16:17:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He... Did he just mix up dog fighting and Pokemon?
Meikroux · 7 points · Posted at 13:38:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The most illegal move in dog fighting.
HighRelevancy · 3 points · Posted at 14:48:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Qualia
Eulerich · 11 points · Posted at 12:52:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Scruffy, the hypnotic dog fighter!
CP1228 · -1 points · Posted at 15:30:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You mean the janitor?
dabosweeney · 3 points · Posted at 14:12:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is my favorite
deepfeels96 · 4 points · Posted at 14:39:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I reckon he should give some tips to /r/fitness
MarcelRED147 · 4 points · Posted at 14:45:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Shit... I need to retire, mind = blown.
AnimalsAsWeiners · 4 points · Posted at 15:11:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What a rookie, rule #1 about lying: Don't lie about things that could very easily be asked proof of.
[deleted] · 4 points · Posted at 15:55:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Aw. That picking up women bit makes me feel sad for him.
FortyFartz · 4 points · Posted at 16:09:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
when someone, like, makes this shit up.... is there some filter that's missing where they are unable to process that the story sounds fucking outrageous and no one will ever believe it?
captainmagictrousers · 2 points · Posted at 16:34:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I think he was just so desperate to make people think he had an interesting, exciting life that he didn't take the time to think through his lies.
lance_pchocco · 3 points · Posted at 15:41:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You just end up feeling sorry for these sad losers.
anonimogeronimo · 3 points · Posted at 16:01:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
These are gold! Moar!
captainmagictrousers · 2 points · Posted at 16:30:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A few more:
He claimed to be "good friends" with our Representative, but named the wrong one for the area. Also, his only evidence of the "friendship" was getting form letters in the mail in response to his complaints about pot holes.
He claimed to be an audiophile, and to have spent thousands of dollars on stereo equipment for his music room. Oddly, the headphones that he used at work were from the Dollar Store.
He claimed to have had a successful standup comedy career during the 80s. When I asked him to do some of his material, he recited word-for-word from Bob Newhart's "The Button-Down Mind Strikes Back!" I guess he didn't expect someone my age to be familiar with comedy from the 60s.
anonimogeronimo · 2 points · Posted at 01:58:57 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Thanks. Those are freaking great.
therealgillbates · 3 points · Posted at 16:06:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Lol, reminds me of this
KrazySteve · 2 points · Posted at 15:14:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I died on the last one.
Ingloriousfiction · 2 points · Posted at 15:39:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
seems like a nice guy to hang with.
mynamesyow19 · 2 points · Posted at 15:45:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
1000 lbs...dang. he strong
Jewish-Reptillian · 2 points · Posted at 16:08:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Did he hypnotize the dog, or teach the dog to hypnotize other dogs? Because the latter seems like a good way to start the dogpocalypse.
captainmagictrousers · 1 points · Posted at 16:33:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The dog could hypnotize other dogs, like Hypnotoad.
Elite_AI · 2 points · Posted at 16:10:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's like...that's like telling a biologist about his cool new theory called "we breath oxygen".
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 16:18:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It blue his mind...
Li0nhead · 2 points · Posted at 16:25:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
-Blindfold him, write 'Bullshit' on a piece of paper ask him to read it with his finger.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 16:32:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
2 by two hands of blue
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 16:33:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
that last one actually made me laugh in real life
whatsthatpidge · 2 points · Posted at 16:33:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is great. I would want to talk to this guy every day just to hear his crazy stories.
REF_YOU_SUCK · 2 points · Posted at 16:38:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Arnold would Bench around 450 lbs. in his heyday. The world record is just over 1000 lbs. Capt. Cubicle Jockey wasn't anywhere near that.
Yeah... uh.... me too.
MrAmos123 · 2 points · Posted at 16:39:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Your comment reminded me of this video: https://youtu.be/PvRJ1hVjl_c?t=7s
It's about colour perception.
//Offtopic, sorry.
Liquorace · 2 points · Posted at 16:39:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's comedy fucking gold, right there.
cannedbread1 · 2 points · Posted at 16:41:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He sounds horribly annoyingly hilariously stupid
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 16:43:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What the hell hahahahahahaha
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 16:49:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I bet it would suck for the dog if he ran out of PP though.
arlenroy · 2 points · Posted at 16:50:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What is the deal with pathological liars and dogs? Like is that a requirement? Y'all need 1 dog story. Old man Ray that worked in the tool room at my last job apparently hunted mountain lions with a vicious pack of Chihuahuas from Baja Mexico to Reno Nevada, on foot.
Tron_Kitten · 2 points · Posted at 17:00:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Was his dog a Pokemon by any chance?
Quote58 · 2 points · Posted at 17:16:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What was his excuse for not being able to prove the reading ink one? Because I sure as hell would've grabbed a paper and blindfolded him
captainmagictrousers · 1 points · Posted at 17:43:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I asked him to "read" a newspaper with his fingers, but then he admitted it worked better with embossed business cards, like the ones they gave us at work. So he could only do it with raised lettering... that he had already read before.
Quote58 · 2 points · Posted at 20:53:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Haha so basically his daredevil like ability is being able to look at a raised letter, close his eyes, touch the letter, and confirm that it is indeed the letter he saw prior to touching it. That's incredible, he should be in one of those documentaries about "real life superheroes" that gets link every 5 minutes on facebook
luckygiraffe · 2 points · Posted at 17:17:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Any first-year art student knows the answer to this.
TripleHomicide · 2 points · Posted at 17:18:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You work with Dwight.
KelRen · 2 points · Posted at 17:23:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This guy sounds like a character on It's Always Sunny.
Felkyr · 2 points · Posted at 17:25:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Fucking hilarious. It was all typical alpha behaviour until that last one, which just makes him sound unfortunately a little retarded. Still, that Daredevil one had me burst out laughing in the middle of the night while my family is trying to sleep, so, kudos, hero-guy, wherever you are.
MinionCommander · 2 points · Posted at 17:27:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
To be fair my CS professor did this when he couldn't explain a heap
Jajankens · 2 points · Posted at 17:30:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I lost it on the last bullet
red1dragon588 · 2 points · Posted at 17:31:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I like how he conveniently
couldn'tdidn't feel like doing any of these things anymore.SimonCallahan · 2 points · Posted at 17:38:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
For the last one, did he think he was a Pokemon trainer?
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 17:43:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
For all of his many gifts, gout appears to be his Achilles heel.
gotdammgoblin · 2 points · Posted at 17:43:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I picture andy Bernard telling me all this shit.
SteakAndNihilism · 2 points · Posted at 17:54:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
To be fair, there are a lot of shitty philosophy professors in this world looking for an excuse to retire early.
thel33tman · 2 points · Posted at 17:58:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Would've immediately taken him to the gym and watch him try to do half
KittiesAtRecess · 2 points · Posted at 18:03:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's an insane amount of weight. I'd show him the world records and tell him he should go participate at a meet then. A guy I have to work with told me he had an 800lb squat at age 16 at 150lb bodyweight. I then pulled out my phone while we were talking and pulled up IPF world records and told him he set a new one, then promptly walked away.
PikaSamus · 2 points · Posted at 18:04:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
DOG used HYPNOSIS!
Enemy DOG fell asleep!
RudeMorgue · 2 points · Posted at 18:12:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So you worked with Dermot from The Venture Brothers?
your_pet_is_average · 2 points · Posted at 18:17:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Out of curiosity i looked up the world record bench. Its 1,102 lbs. Tell your coworker to step the fuck up.
sauerpatchkid · 2 points · Posted at 18:20:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Lol! Thats really bad.
Voltage_Ultimatum · 2 points · Posted at 18:20:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Love how he tries to seriously say that one of the most basic questions in philosophy blew a philosophy teachers mind and caused him to retire.
What an idiot.
GriffsWorkComputer · 2 points · Posted at 18:38:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
omg the dog with hypnosis, im done for the day
dansi21 · 2 points · Posted at 18:42:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Fighting dog used Hypnosis!
The dude needs to lay off the pokemans
TheDeclarant · 2 points · Posted at 18:43:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Good thing the professor retired before he came across "How Can Mirrors Be Real If Our Eyes Aren't Real"
hbpaintballer88 · 2 points · Posted at 18:54:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Someone one reddit gave an easy answer to this question but I can't remember what it was. Does anyone know?
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 19:03:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Because, you know, no philosopher has ever heard of this one.
Capn_Barboza · 2 points · Posted at 19:13:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This reminds me of the movie 'The Oxford Murders' where a professor goes insane trying to prove simple math equations.
blacklab · 2 points · Posted at 19:14:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Because gout is synonymous with physical health and amazing feats of strength.
chemtrails250 · 2 points · Posted at 19:24:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a guy tell me a story that I had told him a few days previous, but this time it happened to him. I thought this was bad but wow, you win.
cambo666 · 2 points · Posted at 19:28:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm glad I am working from home today cause this got me cracking the fuck up and literally laughed out loud.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 19:37:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Have a friend who says she taught her dog sign language and how to read. Said the dog cursed her out once with sign language.
shoboy321 · 2 points · Posted at 19:55:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
pshh, your dog has hypnosis?
Well my dog has uproar, so try fighting me now!
ForgedIronMadeIt · 2 points · Posted at 19:56:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've seen someone who benched 965. At that level, you stop looking like a human in a couple of ways.
Tell him you're going to the gym and need him to spot you on bench and then challenge him to do four plates. That'd go so well.
Hitler_died · 2 points · Posted at 20:09:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"He used to be involved in a dog fighting ring, and his dog would never lose, because he taught it hypnosis."
Ooooh, never losing dog is almost impossible. But I remember when I had to go against some guy and his dog. Something weird happened that night. I blacked out just before the fight, and woke up as MY DOG! Since I didn't know how to fight as a dog, I ended up losing pretty bad.. I then blacked out again, waking up as my self at the end of the match. Really weird, could it be him?
Geodude671 · 2 points · Posted at 20:13:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He is... the least interesting man in the world.
throwaway10241988 · 2 points · Posted at 20:19:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah ok
Gout is a disease typically brought on by drinking WAAAAAAY too much. I doubt a heavy boozer could.....wait....no you fucking cannot bench press 1000 lbs you fucking idiot.
Should have had him "read" you something right there on the spot.
Yeah,....me too...
hahahahahahahahahahha
KitchenSwillForPigs · 2 points · Posted at 20:20:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I lost it at the dog hypnosis.
genetiquitteRF · 2 points · Posted at 20:21:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This sounds like "dinner for shmucks" level shit.
r00t1 · 2 points · Posted at 20:26:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What kind of over crowded California Prison are you working in that requires you to share cubicles?
captainmagictrousers · 2 points · Posted at 20:56:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It would have been two cubicles, but the boss ordered the wrong number of dividers. One guy only got two walls, so everyone walked through his space to get to the copier. He kept yelling at people to stay out of his "office", but we just laughed at him.
robearIII · 2 points · Posted at 20:28:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"and could do even more if he didn't have gout" riiiiiight
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 20:37:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Been there, Done that got the T-Shirt.
bozwald · 2 points · Posted at 20:44:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Is he definitely serious? Because all of those things are hilarious
Hiddenshadows57 · 2 points · Posted at 20:51:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
so the lie about the philosophy course while shitty, the question is still trippy to think about.
bearodactylrak · 2 points · Posted at 20:54:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I used to make shit like this up when I was 7 or 8. I realized by 11 or 12 that people were on to my bullshit and stopped. It's weird to me that some people make it to adulthood without realizing this.
bobandy47 · 2 points · Posted at 21:13:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I can bench press 1000 lbs.
...in 10 easy installments of 100lbs each! Plus shipping and handling.
Cronus88 · 2 points · Posted at 21:14:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
As a philosophy lover, this is the funniest one by far. As if any philosophy professor on Earth would have their mind blown by such an elementary and basic thought experiment as the Inverted Spectrum. The worst part is that I feel like many people think that statements like this are meant to be deep and insightful entirely on their own. "Imagine if the blue I see is not the blue you see. OMG bro, mind blown. We're really doing genius philosophy!"
Thought experiments like this are usually brought up to make an actual point, or to attack a certain thesis by acting as a counterexample or a premise in an argument. There's always a bigger context that something like Inverted Spectrum emerges from. In this case it plays a part in discussions within the philosophy of mind.
AGeorgiouMMA · 2 points · Posted at 21:18:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
His dog is basically some shitty budget Pokemon.
Cheesetoast9 · 2 points · Posted at 21:29:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm imagining your co worker as Dwight Schrute
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 21:44:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"I used to be involved in dog fighting! Where animals that people love get hurt and die and is widely despised! DOESN'T THAT MAKE ME SEEM COOL?"
How did he think that was gonna work out for him?
Color_blinded · 2 points · Posted at 22:02:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I think I might have a thing or two to say about that first lie...
ninfan200 · 2 points · Posted at 22:39:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Jeez, you sure this wasn't some 12 year old?
Columbiner · 2 points · Posted at 23:29:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm laughing so hard right now you don't even understand. I'm a postgrad in philosophy and we call those sorts of statements "intro philosophy questions" because all the intro students ask them! Those are usually some of the first philosophical explorations a person does so it's so funny he would think a Ph.D. in philosophy would be unaware of it.
alekzander01 · 2 points · Posted at 23:52:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He thinks being a dog fighter is a cool thing? Isn't that illegal?
SDBJJ · 2 points · Posted at 23:55:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dog used hypnosis! It's super effective!
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 23:56:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is great.
wolvesandwords · 2 points · Posted at 23:56:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Being able to lift more weight, save for gout, made me laugh out loud. I would have laughed harder if it wasn't for my Lyme Disease.
humanoid12345 · 2 points · Posted at 00:45:16 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Why doesn't somebody ask him to prove some of these claims? It sounds cruel, but it might actually be something that needs to happen for him, so he grows up a bit. He sounds like he's actually slightly mentally ill.
RobertoBolano · 2 points · Posted at 01:37:36 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
lol literally philo 101
Zubalo · 2 points · Posted at 01:54:29 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Okay I know it is a lie but on the first one why would you ask a philosophy professor that? You should ask a psychology professor if anything.
suckswithducks · 2 points · Posted at 01:54:52 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
"DOGGO used Hypnosis!!"
"IT WAS SUPER EFFECTIVE!!!"
GAGirlChild · 2 points · Posted at 02:17:18 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
When everyone who has ever taken a freshman philosophy course has heard the class jackass ask the prof this question . . . and the reaction is either a polite response or a roll of the eyes from the prof, depending on his personality
pizza_tent · 2 points · Posted at 02:35:19 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This makes me want to believe in the inverse of all this is his reality:
Philosophy class was too fucking hard so he dropped out.
He can't lift for shit
He may not be able to actually read 'all too good'
Confirmed virgin cuck
On one attempt to actualize his inner world, he entered his beloved maltipoo into a dog fight. It got rekt.
CelphCtrl · 2 points · Posted at 05:41:39 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Is he a pokemon master?
Cptnwalrus · 2 points · Posted at 05:59:23 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
You know that's bull because if his opponent had some awakenings or full restores he'd be fucked.
NotAThrowaway23145 · 1763 points · Posted at 10:10:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He created Spongebob. Despite it being three years old than him.
Yeah, that kid was really something...
kirstinburg · 35 points · Posted at 15:46:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My uncle created Spongebob, Steven Hillenburg.
streetbum · 11 points · Posted at 02:47:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Tell him thanks
adrunkwalrus43 · 5 points · Posted at 21:01:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
ayy your uncle went to my high school
DigiDuncan · 3 points · Posted at 05:34:26 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wait seriously? Sweet.
I was supposed to meet him at a library once, but he was a no-show. :(
He probably had a good reason though. I hear he's a nice guy.
imlucid · 3 points · Posted at 13:03:24 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
hey its me ur uncle
[deleted] · 16 points · Posted at 13:24:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So he's 14 or 13?
NotAThrowaway23145 · 5 points · Posted at 19:12:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah.
Tehgumchum · 341 points · Posted at 11:14:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He probably masturbated and cleaned himself with a sponge and then when the mold took over he called it SPONGEBOB!!!
[deleted] · 826 points · Posted at 11:42:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
dude what
dirtypoet-penpal · 279 points · Posted at 12:11:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wait until you hear squidward's origins.
you_got_fragged · 26 points · Posted at 12:53:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wait until you see squidwards organ
dread_gabebo · 9 points · Posted at 19:14:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
But Squidward plays the clari-
Oooooh
SpyderEyez · 2 points · Posted at 21:00:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Nah, he plays the clarinet.
GladeSocket · 1 points · Posted at 00:48:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
SORTA LIKE SQUIDWARD AND HIS CLARINET
Ghacestyl · 1 points · Posted at 05:15:30 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I thought he played clarinet
oh_no_not_canola_oil · 4 points · Posted at 12:40:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
We don't speak of this.
HitlerWasVeryCool · 2 points · Posted at 12:33:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Go on...
RadicalLarry_ · 2 points · Posted at 21:46:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He masturbated and came on a squid and then when the mold took over he called it SQUIDWARD!!!
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 14:41:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Thats was at the same time because he didnt fucking wipe even though he had a sponge on him. Guy was pretty young at -3 years old.
R-Frank_Undershaft · 0 points · Posted at 12:25:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
BROJOB! BROJOB! BROJOB!
[deleted] · 30 points · Posted at 11:55:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
levi_fucking_heichou · 26 points · Posted at 12:16:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
dude what
Ackables · 30 points · Posted at 13:11:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
HE PROBABLY MASTURBATED AND CLEANED HIMSELF WITH A SPONGE AND THEN WHEN THE MOLD TOOK OVER HE CALLED IT SPONGEBOB!!!
ratchet457l · 1 points · Posted at 13:43:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Suhb thanks man! Hearing is starting to go.
Lidesia · 1 points · Posted at 17:49:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What are you saying ? I don't speak English.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 14:14:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 14:40:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
call_911_to_diddle · 1 points · Posted at 16:37:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sign language please!
nebelfeld · 1 points · Posted at 14:58:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
no need to shout!!!
Crocodilefan · 1 points · Posted at 13:18:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
nothing will ever beat the original /u/hearing_aid_bot though
BlooFlea · 0 points · Posted at 13:31:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
SPONGEBOB IT CALLED HE OVER TOOK MOLD THE WHEN THEN AND SPONGE A WITH HIMSELF CLEANED AND MASTURBATED PROBABLY HE!!!
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 12:23:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
playful1510 · 0 points · Posted at 12:27:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
dude what
Darth-Pimpin · 0 points · Posted at 14:14:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
YOU CAN'T LOCK UP THE DARKNESS
jordbus_ · -1 points · Posted at 13:27:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
HE PROBABLY MASTURBATED AND CLEANED HIMSELF WITH A SPONGE AND THEN WHEN THE MOLD TOOK OVER HE CALLED IT SPONGEBOB!!!
[deleted] · -2 points · Posted at 12:37:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Amateur. You are doing it wrong.
HE PROBABLY MASTURBATED AND CLEANED HIMSELF WITH A SPONGE AND THEN WHEN THE MOLD TOOK OVER HE CALLED IT SPONGEBOB!!!
-The Real CantHearYou Bot
Snoop_doge1 · 1 points · Posted at 14:20:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Projecting.
redgemini-fox · 17 points · Posted at 11:49:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Greatest. Origin story. Ever.
SomeRandomUserGuy · 9 points · Posted at 12:49:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wait until you see the story of /u/fuckswithducks
_PM_me_ur_pussy · 10 points · Posted at 13:01:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
/r/evenwithcontext
SaintJimmy1 · 1 points · Posted at 20:07:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
/r/nocontext
Curlaub · 1 points · Posted at 04:47:31 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
cum
boxbobGGGargadon · -1 points · Posted at 14:13:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Spongebox.
IFTFY
Chris1129 · 5 points · Posted at 12:59:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Fucking Michael
agent_scully2084 · 5 points · Posted at 17:37:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When I was in grade one, a classmate swore that she voiced Babs Bunny on Tiny Toons.
U_apostrophe_R · 7 points · Posted at 19:09:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You should have said to him: "Liar, liar... plants for higher."
GMan199 · 2 points · Posted at 02:42:22 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
"It's 'pants on fire' Patrick."
PM_ME_TIMCAHILL_GOAL · 2 points · Posted at 14:33:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This reminds me of my friend who said he did all the art for Mr Fancypants, which his friend who's name he couldn't remember made.
BoxBopChallenge · 2 points · Posted at 16:40:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend who claimed he knew what was under Double D's hat. But he was sworn to secrecy and couldn't tell.
gcbriel · 2 points · Posted at 20:37:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Relatedly, I had a friend who claimed she'd created the name Bob and was upset that various movies had stolen it without paying her royalties.
NotAThrowaway23145 · 1 points · Posted at 04:46:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
She's just bitter about being sued for YouTube spam.
StochasticOoze · 2 points · Posted at 23:35:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I worked with a methhead who claimed Marvel stole X-Men from him. This was in 2008, and he was maybe 20 years old.
pancake2demacia · 2 points · Posted at 00:06:43 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've been told this exact thing from a friend, Dani?
NotAThrowaway23145 · 1 points · Posted at 04:46:21 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Nope.
rokudaimehokage · 2 points · Posted at 05:25:21 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sounds like the kid that claimed that Legend of Zelda was a ripoff of Minecraft because it had old graphics and you held a sword.
DKFShredder · 2 points · Posted at 16:25:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My dad worked with the original writer of Spongebob, Peter Burns, for years. The guy is fucking hilarious.
MereReplication · 490 points · Posted at 11:46:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One day my ex-girlfriend brought home a black cat. She told me that she and her mom found this cat in an abandoned house that her mom "saw from the road and wanted to see if it was suitable for living." (Her mom is a realtor for low-income individuals). She told me that we had to take care of this cat for a couple weeks before we could figure out what to do with it. We already had three cats at the time, which is already stretching it a bit in apartment living--not to mention a violation of our lease.
Now, I don't know if she forgot or what, but right when we started dating she had to get some things from her ex-boyfriend's apartment when he wasn't home. I came along because she assured me he wasn't home, and I figured what the hell. Her ex-boyfriend had a black cat. This was that cat, and I could instantly tell.
The lies/excuses began compounding when I did some research about what to do with the cat. I looked into reputable shelters and found some that would clearly be good choices. Her reply: "No, it's my responsibility to figure out what to do with the cat because I found it." What? I then told her my brother offered to take the cat. Her reply: "I don't really like your brother." I then told her my parents offered to take the cat. Her reply: "Driving two hours in the car will make the cat too scared."
After about a week of this, I told her I knew the cat was her ex-boyfriend's cat. I knew that he (a drug addict and general douche) must've lost his housing or something, and now we're taking care of his cat because he had no one else to call. I told her I knew this instantly and wanted her to admit her lie to me instead of me forcing it out of her.
She then got super pissed and started screaming at me that I let her carry on lying to me for a week.
[deleted] · 198 points · Posted at 17:31:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
MereReplication · 30 points · Posted at 17:39:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Exactly.
CarlMuhfuckinSagan · 3 points · Posted at 03:50:28 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
More like "If you hadn't realized I was lying you probably would have been cool with it."
Reverand_Dave · 129 points · Posted at 19:52:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Kinda seems like the kind of girl that would get pissed at you because you found out she's cheating because you looked at her phone.
Handlifethrowaway · 19 points · Posted at 00:40:20 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Kinda? This is exactly that type of girl.
logicblocks · 3 points · Posted at 01:05:05 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Can confirm.
lowdownporto · 17 points · Posted at 03:27:50 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I dated a girl like that, except I found out because a friend told me about it. I didn't even betray her trust by looking at her phone or anything. (she told my friend, my friend told). My GF was so pissed I found out she cheated on me she literally kicked in my bedroom window. she had a broken leg at the time and her cast just shattered the window that was right next to my bed.... She was so mad that someone betrayed her trust and told me that she didn't even say sorry for cheating on me for hours....She was all "hey you were supposed to be my girl, and us girls gotta stick together" which aparrently means you are not supposed to give a shit if your friend is being cheated on... that girl seriously was nuts.
years later I ended up dating my friend that told me.... I am now married to that friend.
ZombieDrums · 6 points · Posted at 09:36:47 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I dated one of those... Funny thing was, I didn't snoop. The ex went to show me something on her laptop, and accidentally showed me some dirty messages between her and someone else. When I spoke to her about it she was pissed - like I did something horrible to her. Good times!
citricacidx · 5 points · Posted at 01:42:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's such a violation of trust! Gosh! /s
trowzerss · 5 points · Posted at 09:30:51 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh! I had a boyfriend like that. Apparently looking at a camera is a betrayal of trust but having unsafe sex with a skeezy looking girl when you're supposed to be in a committed relationship, and then lying about it, is not :P
Reverand_Dave · 4 points · Posted at 12:31:30 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
"Betrayal of Trust" a classic cheaters line.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:19:46 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This hit too close to home man
enormuschwanzstucker · 4 points · Posted at 20:48:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
After reading this I went back to the beginning to make sure it was your ex. These people cannot be helped.
logicblocks · 2 points · Posted at 01:05:56 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Same here. I read the story all over again.
Lodo_the_Bear · 3 points · Posted at 21:07:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This post would be a whole lot sadder if not for the inclusion of "ex-" in front of "girlfriend". Good call, man.
AyyLMAOdazdank · 4 points · Posted at 18:26:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
How dare you let her behave like that?!
SadGhoster87 · 2 points · Posted at 23:17:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
what.
figglefishfinerin · 2 points · Posted at 05:01:09 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
What ended up happening to the cat?
MereReplication · 5 points · Posted at 06:00:26 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well, after her outburst, I got really fucking angry at her, so I killed the cat and put pieces of it in some lasagna I made for her. She really hated that.
No, just kidding. It went back to the ex-boyfriend.
CaptainViolence · 7 points · Posted at 18:35:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yes, how dare you let me make a fool of myself. Good thing she's your ex. Narc trash like that is better left in the dumpster.
jaaydogg · 20 points · Posted at 20:01:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Easy there, Captain
CaptainViolence · 7 points · Posted at 20:21:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
People like that don't change. Hearing them try to manipulate others gets my blood boiling.
theniceguytroll · 15 points · Posted at 20:41:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Captain, please! We don't need another... incident.
CaptainViolence · 7 points · Posted at 21:35:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My apologies, gentlemen. Decorum slipped. Just a touch of the nerves is all.
lowdownporto · 1 points · Posted at 03:24:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
you see these red flags right? I hope you have broken up with her by now..
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:36:14 on September 18, 2016 · (Permalink)
jeeze, please tell me you left man. Why on earth would you stay with her?
rodery · 1112 points · Posted at 11:57:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
She was the most ridiculous person ever, but the lies were hilarious.
OBLIGATORY EDIT:
Various people in our school knew her family, as did a few teachers. No, she was not really African/Spanish/Dutch (well, possibly Dutch somewhere way back the family line, but to be that kinda mix, her mother would have to have been half Spanish, half African, which she was not.) She dropped the African/Spanish thing about two years into our time in school and became just half Dutch instead.
eBay does have a property section. Her house wasn't really for sale. Never heard another word about it.
Please don't dye your hair with household bleach!
sporkscope · 482 points · Posted at 14:43:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Second reference to The Rasmus in one thread. Why the sudden popularity?
therasmus · 170 points · Posted at 16:38:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I must say I feel bad for getting this username without even realizing it was a band before hand. Womp Womp.
XiggiSergei · 7 points · Posted at 18:46:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What did you think your username meant when you made it; I'm just curious?
Edit: what
therasmus · 16 points · Posted at 20:08:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was trying to show an homage to Desiderius Erasmus by being "The Rasmus". Much later I found out to my dismay that it was a band that I head never heard of. Maybe I'll vacate the username for a band rep.
XiggiSergei · 8 points · Posted at 20:15:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Do you like the band now that you know it exists? Lol
therasmus · 12 points · Posted at 21:42:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Honestly I should give them a listen.
24_cool · 3 points · Posted at 22:32:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
They've got some okay stuff, sail away is pretty good.
SadGhoster87 · 2 points · Posted at 23:13:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sail with me into Australia
[deleted] · 19 points · Posted at 19:20:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
Flamboyatron · 1 points · Posted at 02:49:55 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
For their time?
sunsetfantastic · 0 points · Posted at 21:55:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Underrated comment
eqleriq · 16 points · Posted at 18:52:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
This thread is just Rasmus' social media intern's method to getting visibility.
rodery · 33 points · Posted at 14:49:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I thought that too! But really, she had the same face as him.
theoreticaldickjokes · 8 points · Posted at 19:29:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I just Googled them. She is very unfortunate looking.
nova_cat · 7 points · Posted at 20:51:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
At least she only had the same face and not also the same hair. It's like a dead animal being posed on his head.
Steveisnotcaptain · 14 points · Posted at 22:14:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah haven't heard this band in 12 years and now 2 references in like a minute of reading this post
[deleted] · 14 points · Posted at 16:47:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] · 10 points · Posted at 17:51:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
PERKELEEEEE!
blindgynaecologist · 1 points · Posted at 12:54:08 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
torille perkele!
chappersyo · 3 points · Posted at 18:56:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I think they've finally reached tipping point and are getting the credit they deserve.
xadjack · 3 points · Posted at 21:41:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was just thinking that. What the flip?
Theonordenskjold · 3 points · Posted at 21:49:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Baader Meinhoff
resolva5 · 2 points · Posted at 19:26:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You don't wear a feather in your hair?
princessfahmybey · 1 points · Posted at 20:36:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
they're lying
Helios294 · 1 points · Posted at 21:46:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
rasmus = Illuminati
RubeusShagrid · 1 points · Posted at 00:13:08 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Now three! Four! Jesus Christ what's going on?!
SoSorryOfficial · 1 points · Posted at 04:01:08 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Holy shit! You noticed, too! I almost thought I'd imagined that.
duloupgarou · 0 points · Posted at 21:31:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Someone must be in the shadows. Ha. Ha. Lame but yeah.
[deleted] · 34 points · Posted at 17:21:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
rodery · 54 points · Posted at 18:26:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yep. Maybe it was a different Dutch alphabet that no one else knows about, similar to the different Dutch dialect she spoke.
LaoBa · 2 points · Posted at 08:05:16 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is what a Dutch dialect looks like when written. Some ö and è but definitly no ě.
GiveMeFreeKarmaPl0x · 5 points · Posted at 09:19:05 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yup that's Limburgs, looks difficult when written, really easy to understand.
However I wonder what surname she chose, because there is NOT ONE surname with an ö and é in it.
rodery · 2 points · Posted at 08:36:51 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oooh that's really interesting! :D (Yep, ě is definitely not Dutch)
VeryShagadelic · 3 points · Posted at 20:21:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There are some first names with an ö, and a rare surname, but as someone born and living in the Netherlands for 20 years I have yet to encounter a Dutch person with an ě in their name.
torresjose11_26 · 1 points · Posted at 06:13:35 on June 24, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hell of a lot of multi worded names I've seen amongst their footballers. Van Persie,Van Nistelrooy,Van Der Vart,Van Der Sar,etc.
konrad-iturbe · 17 points · Posted at 21:10:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Where do I send the bank account details?
MrStroopwafel · 14 points · Posted at 17:16:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
TIL I learned that we Dutch people use the symbol ě. The ö is pretty rare here too.
rodery · 2 points · Posted at 18:24:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The more you know ;)
MonsieurSander · 3 points · Posted at 20:18:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
They are really shitty when buying tickets online.
[deleted] · 9 points · Posted at 19:42:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
MFW
dorothyspa · 7 points · Posted at 20:05:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
There is no ě in Czech language. Just sayin'.
edit: Apologies for my comment! I am a drunk idiot and totally forgot about that. Would you believe that shit? (I speak Czech fluently!!!)
Andior · 4 points · Posted at 22:23:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yes there is. For example in the words 'Německo' (Germany) and 'Španělsko' (Spain) and many others. It's actually pretty common (unlike q, w and others)
rodery · 1 points · Posted at 21:22:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Eeep, sorry!
roflmaoshizmp · 1 points · Posted at 23:24:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There definitely is an ě in Czech, disregard that guy.
rodery · 1 points · Posted at 23:39:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ooh shit, cool, thanks!
rodery · 1 points · Posted at 23:40:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Haha no worries buddy!
Woleyyy · 6 points · Posted at 20:20:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ask her to pronounce Scheveningen..
ComputerJerk · 1 points · Posted at 12:42:27 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's surprisingly close to how its spelled...
deepfeels96 · 4 points · Posted at 17:13:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I want to meet this person!
rodery · 1 points · Posted at 18:23:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh god you don't.
The_Four_Leaf_Clover · 2 points · Posted at 19:23:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah what a liar. No way could she speak English fluently.
rodery · 1 points · Posted at 21:19:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Very good.
Suitcasejefferson1 · 5 points · Posted at 00:20:48 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I don't know why but, after laughing, this one made me sad. Picturing her at home Photoshopping her pictures with celebrities to hope to impress people.
rodery · 2 points · Posted at 07:57:39 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Yeah, that was the thing. As much as we knew she was full of shit, people left her alone for the most part because most of us knew it was just her way of trying to make friends.
lalancz · 6 points · Posted at 17:20:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I dont want to be a grammar nazi, but its spelled Czech.
rodery · 6 points · Posted at 18:24:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sorry about that! *fixed
souHad · 3 points · Posted at 18:40:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
To be fair, she could have been north african. North Africans, are not black for the most part, they look middle eastern. Especially if she's spanish, a grandparent may have immigrated from Morocco or Tunisia or something
rodery · 10 points · Posted at 18:51:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
All possible, but not for her. Both of her parents grew up with one of our teachers, ten miles outside the town. The 'Dutch' was from her father's side, which could have been possible, but way, way back because he grew up here and his surname was a traditional Irish name. She wasn't anything except Irish, she just didn't want to be.
HermitCrabCakes · 2 points · Posted at 01:14:41 on September 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
I be rappin', I be tappin', I be happen-ing, bing, ding, wing..
palordrolap · 1 points · Posted at 20:44:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Nationality is plausible if by 'African' she meant Afrikaner. That'd tie in with Dutch fairly well, and northern Spain isn't a thousand miles from the Netherlands (that's not hyperbole, it's literally true).
Doesn't mean she wasn't lying out of her backside, but without DNA testing it's certainly possible she was telling the truth.
rodery · 2 points · Posted at 21:26:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh no, I'm not saying it was completely impossible to be that kind of mix. But we were a small area, and people knew her family. She possibly had some Dutch in her way down the line, but her family outside of that were Irish.
Scummycrummyday · 1 points · Posted at 20:58:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I feel like this is someone I'd be "friends" with just for the funnies.
rodery · 2 points · Posted at 21:28:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Tried to be friends with her myself at one point. She felt she was too good for our group and hung out on her own instead.
Scummycrummyday · 1 points · Posted at 21:40:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Soooo I'm gonna guess it's because you guys didn't believe the lies. Right?
rodery · 2 points · Posted at 21:53:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Kinda felt bad for her bc it just seemed like she was lying so much to seem interesting, and we wanted to get to know the real her. She wasn't having any of it. I think once she'd told all the big lies and gotten no real response, she wanted a better audience maybe? Stayed civil through the rest of school at least.
Scummycrummyday · 1 points · Posted at 21:57:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's sad :/
rodery · 2 points · Posted at 21:58:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
She made good friends eventually! Last I heard, she was engaged to a Brazilian guy and possibly moving over there, she seems happy.
blacknred522 · 1 points · Posted at 21:03:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Thank god you taught me household bleach and hair dressers bleach are different.
rodery · 1 points · Posted at 21:28:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh man, you're welcome!
DrocketX · 1 points · Posted at 22:02:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm not entirely sure why this one is "ridiculous, obviously fake" for. EBay does have a real estate section, you know...
rodery · 1 points · Posted at 22:15:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Extra clarification, it was because she announced it loudly in the middle of a computer class, followed by 'I can't believe my parents didn't tell me!'
deceasedhusband · 1 points · Posted at 22:46:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Languages! Why do people think they can lie about that? My mom tried to say that German is her native language. When I pointed out that she is from Ohio she told me that she also speaks French and Flemish. Flemish! When I asked why I've never heard her speak a word of German and why didn't she help me when I was learning German she made up some story involving Alan Ginsberg and Bob Seger.
rodery · 1 points · Posted at 22:57:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Shit dude, that sucks! I think some people almost think that knowing a few choice phrases is the same thing. That story sounds interesting though haha!
I spent something like 13 years of my life learning Gaeilge and would still struggle to hold a conversation. My German is a bit better but nothing to write home about. Some people are great at languages but with no immersion it's pretty hard.
deceasedhusband · 1 points · Posted at 23:04:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It took a long time to realize that she lies constantly because her lies aren't usually that absurd and they're all grounded in a kernel of truth. She was born in Germany. On an American airforce base to American parents and left when she was a toddler.
I started to see it when I was in my 20s and noticed that her stories didn't quite match up with my memory.
rodery · 1 points · Posted at 23:20:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh man, I'm sorry to hear that. One of my best friends comes from a similar situation.
I think some people honestly don't understand the difference between reality and lies once it's become so much of a habit.
How are things between you, if you don't mind me asking? Is there an issue with trust or is the lying still as prevalent?
deceasedhusband · 1 points · Posted at 23:26:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I agree with you I think she's so absorbed into some of these lies that they're her reality. I've actually been hesitant to call her out because I'm scared what might happen if that gets shattered. I keep her at arms length and I think of her as a fun storyteller, not a fact keeper. My brother hasn't spoken to her in 10 years. My sister has what I consider an unhealthily co-dependent relationship with her. They're "best friends" and "room mates" (really mom is too broke and short sighted to support herself). Sister is young though, 20, so she might wisen up.
rodery · 1 points · Posted at 23:42:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I suppose you have to look at it as you didn't realise yourself until you were in your 20s , so there's still time for your sister too. Sorry to hear about your brother dude, that's rough. I hope you're doing okay, but definitely glad you're not being manipulated by it anymore.
deceasedhusband · 1 points · Posted at 00:06:38 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh my brother and I are doing great, thank you.
rodery · 1 points · Posted at 00:11:35 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Good to hear. Hopefully down the line everything will be okay for your sister too.
paulusgaming · 1 points · Posted at 23:01:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I speak dutch, we don't even use ö and that weird e that isn't even on my keyboards.
rodery · 1 points · Posted at 23:04:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Case in point!
My mate is from Ukraine, apparently the e one is an Eastern European letter that doubles the vowel or something? Either way, she never changed the pronunciation so fuck knows.
paulusgaming · 1 points · Posted at 23:08:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have an ukrainian keyboard on my phone as secondary and isn't on there either. Checked italian, dutch, french, ukrainian, english and serb and didn't find the e. Reminds me of an e i used in latin when studying it when i think about it.
rodery · 1 points · Posted at 23:17:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Shit, who knows then? It took me a long time to find it today in Google, thus where the Czech confusion came in.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:25:16 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
)
You dropped this
rodery · 1 points · Posted at 07:56:36 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sound!
HITLERS_SEX_PARTY · 1 points · Posted at 01:32:13 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
that was amazing! I hate her!
rodery · 1 points · Posted at 07:56:31 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Haha, she wasn't that bad. Just didn't know how to make friends without telling 'impressive' stories.
lickmyassholes · 1 points · Posted at 03:00:09 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I also knew a crazy that claimed to be an African princess and said she got a full scholarship to a prestigious college and said a lot of really crazy shit.. Was this chicks name Dara?
rodery · 1 points · Posted at 07:55:43 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Nope! But wow, there's definitely a few of them out there.
Flgardenguy · 1 points · Posted at 05:27:40 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
To be honest, I bought a wooded lot of land on eBay around 2005.
rodery · 2 points · Posted at 07:53:39 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well now that's pretty cool. And actually happened, unlike in this case.
du4ko · 1 points · Posted at 07:03:13 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
You can buy houses and flats from ebay , probably not in your region. Last time i checked there was a set of flats in a shady neighborhood in my region. I am not saying it is the best place to sell it or adv it, I am saying people do it.
rodery · 1 points · Posted at 07:53:19 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh I know, just it didn't actually happen.
du4ko · 1 points · Posted at 07:59:47 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh I see , well next time a lie like that came across. Do not miss the moment, explain that you know the house was for sale on eBay because you were the one that got the bargain and bought it off. Then explain to the person that he has 24 hours to get his shit our of the house.
rodery · 1 points · Posted at 08:37:29 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Haha oh man, that would be great!
fellatious_argument · 1 points · Posted at 17:09:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
People do sell houses on ebay. She could still be lying but its hardly far fetched.
rodery · 3 points · Posted at 18:23:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Fair enough! I should have clarified, it was more so that she was claiming that the house she was currently living in was for sale without her having being told anything about it.
putrid_moron · 1 points · Posted at 20:09:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
John_Thena · 164 points · Posted at 14:05:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh boy, have I been waiting for this. Ok, let's say my friend is BR. Well, one day, me and BR were at school and eating lunch with a couple of friends. He decides to tell us a story of what happened to him at a local flea market.
Before we start the main part of the story, let me say that selling any kind of animals at the flea market is not allowed. Anyway, BR says he was at the flea market and looking around and a guy came up to him and asked him very quietly if he wanted to buy a iguana, he said yes.
BR and the man wander around until they can find a quiet spot with a few empty tables. Turns out the reason for this was because the man has the iguanas in his prosthetic leg.... As you can see, this is where I stopped believing him, but I kept listening because I thought it was funny.
So the man dumps all the iguanas out out onto the table in front of them. The man starts going through them telling BR which ones he likes when one of the iguanas turns around and bites the man! Now, I know what you're thinking, "ok a man smuggling iguanas in a prosthetic leg gets bit by one. Ok, highly unlikely, but I guess it could happen." Yeah, you're right. But this was no ordinary iguana! It was a miracle iguana!
BR proceeds to tell me that when the iguana bit the man, it must have given him chemo because he started acting sick after it bit him! Now, I'm not sure who he thought he was fooling at this point, but it wasn't me.
I called him out. I said "BR, you know chemo is a cancer treatment, not a disease right?" He said "oh, it is? It must've been Lyme disease then." I said "nope, Lyme disease mainly comes from ticks." He said "ok, then bird flu." I started getting ready to say the very obvious come back and before I even got finished, he interrupted with " yeah yeah yeah, I know, it comes from birds."
But yeah, this is by far my favorite story he's ever told me. He lied so much like this, I got to the point when I didn't believe anything he said without seeing proof of it, and even then I was skeptical.
WorkPaddy · 20 points · Posted at 20:01:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I thought for sure that the Iguana Monger's leg was going to grow back. Still just as good.
solidspacedragon · 6 points · Posted at 23:23:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Even he didn't believe his lie XD
TheMightyFishBus · 5 points · Posted at 01:02:42 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Don't you mean BS?
EdajimaHeihachi · 4 points · Posted at 07:39:03 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh man he got chemo...
Swaggerman · 2 points · Posted at 18:54:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
hue?
theniceguytroll · 10 points · Posted at 21:51:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'd say a sort of dark green.
eurasiatrash · 2 points · Posted at 13:09:20 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wait what they don't sell fleas at the flea market?
coolcoconut123 · 1391 points · Posted at 10:19:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hit by a bus 5 times and was born in Australia but never travelled in his life. We're in England
OneTerriblePancake · 1153 points · Posted at 14:08:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Maybe that last bus hit him so hard he flew halfway across the planet.
thefakegamble · 795 points · Posted at 17:58:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"So how'd you get to England?"
"I took the bus"
lagerbaer · 17 points · Posted at 19:27:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Did you come here to die?
Nah, mate, I arrived yesterday.
InverurieJones · 0 points · Posted at 11:38:57 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Gallipoli jokes!
BLACK_SHEPHERD · 4 points · Posted at 20:24:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
*Airbus
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 19:49:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The bus took me.
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 19:19:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The Magic School Bus.
ChipsHunter · 1 points · Posted at 23:08:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"In the face"
Sybarith · 1 points · Posted at 03:37:05 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I feel like that's the story that started the other one.
"You took the bus? But there's no bus that goes from Australia to England!"
"Nah man, I mean... it hit me. To England."
Jacksonteague · 1 points · Posted at 06:34:29 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Friend in and High said he climbed My Everest... Asked him how the hell he did that and he said he took the tram
Mujesus-Christ · 1 points · Posted at 11:51:22 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
"The bus took me."
AestheticMonkey · 1 points · Posted at 20:28:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The bus took me
thedarkestone1 · 4 points · Posted at 19:02:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I don't know why but your comment gave me the first smile and chuckle I've gotten today, so thank you. Just that mental image.
tylertlat · 2 points · Posted at 18:55:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Traveling by bus is still traveling.
Kraymur · 2 points · Posted at 21:32:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Still traveled then, no?
[deleted] · 147 points · Posted at 11:22:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
weird, I got told the exact same lies by someone. I'm also in England.
TheMeltingSnowman72 · 46 points · Posted at 11:35:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
And me. How odd.
MikoRiko · 112 points · Posted at 11:52:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Me too, but I'm in America. He also told my friend to ask for him at a tattoo parlor an hour and a half away, I guess assuming no one would actually go an hour and a half for a tattoo... Said to ask for "Batman", as that was his nickname at the shop. We went and felt stupid as fuck when the owner looked at us like we were dumbasses of the year.
gnorty · 17 points · Posted at 18:30:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
lol that's not an habitual liar, it's a troll.
chap-dawg · 27 points · Posted at 14:19:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is fantastic, are you sure he didn't just set you up to ask a tattoo artist if he knew batman?
workraken · 17 points · Posted at 18:39:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I wonder how many pranks and sarcastic comments have been misconstrued as lies. The number must be high.
PM_ME_TIMCAHILL_GOAL · 3 points · Posted at 14:34:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I mean at least you proved him wrong, right?
ravethebrave · 3 points · Posted at 21:18:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"Is Batman here?" "No..."
PaulDraper · 3 points · Posted at 22:50:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh well bye
not2serious83 · 3 points · Posted at 23:46:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Holy shit I think I know this guy! Are you from Georgia by chance?
MikoRiko · 3 points · Posted at 01:35:13 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
YES, holy shit!
a_birthday_cake · 2 points · Posted at 01:57:38 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Guys you have to confer and find out if you're talking about the same guy, report back with updates
MikoRiko · 2 points · Posted at 02:33:34 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm on the edge of my seat to be honest.
not2serious83 · 2 points · Posted at 09:49:06 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sorry to keep you waiting, so what county was "Batman" in?
MikoRiko · 1 points · Posted at 11:13:43 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well, I went to high school with him at Independence High School in Alpharetta, so Fulton.
not2serious83 · 3 points · Posted at 11:31:28 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Damn that means there's two of them, I'm in Jeff Davis and I went to school with a guy who called himself Batman and hung out in a shitty tattoo shop. What are the fucking odds that happens twice? ¯\(ツ)/¯
MikoRiko · 1 points · Posted at 11:34:16 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Aww, damn. I got excited. Jeff Davis, huh? I didn't know people lived anywhere but in counties adjacent to Fulton and in straight lines to Florida, South Carolina, and Alabama...
not2serious83 · 1 points · Posted at 15:20:08 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Rest assured that that's mostly correct, most of the local citizenry barely pass as human.
DoubleParadox · 7 points · Posted at 12:44:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Guy did the same thing to me with the tattoo parlour, I don't know what he excepted when I told him a date
FastestSoda · 6 points · Posted at 15:13:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Apparently many people are hit by buses in England.
coolcoconut123 · 3 points · Posted at 16:04:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Tbh if actually happens a lot
HitlerWasVeryCool · 4 points · Posted at 12:39:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Me too. But I'm in Australia, and instead of a bus it was a kangaroo.
earthvampire · 1 points · Posted at 13:37:20 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
join the club, mine was in nottingham though
coolcoconut123 · 5 points · Posted at 16:03:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Where in England are you from?
PaulDraper · 2 points · Posted at 22:50:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Chippenham!
3mbyr · 3 points · Posted at 06:05:08 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Is this pronounced how I think it is (chip-n-ham) our is our something weird like "chip-e-gharm"
tjtocker · 2 points · Posted at 11:40:40 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
People would say it as 'chippunum'
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 17:31:34 on June 30, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yes.
not2serious83 · 0 points · Posted at 23:48:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Right down by da beach Mon!
Teomalan · 1 points · Posted at 03:25:21 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
To be fair, it's a small country. Probably the same person...
JetsFan2Point0 · 0 points · Posted at 23:20:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dude, you're totally lying.
HighRelevancy · 5 points · Posted at 14:56:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
To be fair i don't remember shit about being a little baby, so if i was born elsewhere and then immediately moved to my current city/country, i wouldn't count that as travel.
railmaniac · 4 points · Posted at 16:46:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In that sequence?
kutuup1989 · 14 points · Posted at 14:12:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Maybe the bus hit him REALLY hard.
If we use the formula: R = V2(sin 2A)
Then we can determine that if the bus hit him with a velocity (V) of 10,000 m/s at and angle (A) of 30 degrees, we have the calculation R = 10,0002(sin 30*2) or R = 10,0002 * 0.866 or R=10,0001.732. Where R is the distance he would travel from said impact in meters.
= R = 8472274m or 8,472km. Roughly half the distance required.
So if we double the initial velocity to 20,000m/s, we have a distance of 16,944.54km.
Therefore, if the bus struck him at 37,902.64mph, or something approaching mach 49.5, almost 50 times the speed of sound or about 1/17000th the speed of light, he could have legitimately traveled from Australia to the UK without having "traveled" in the traditional sense.
Mind you, you say he was hit by a bus five times, and I find that part to be implausible.
Dwight- · 7 points · Posted at 15:24:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
/r/theydidthemath
Diskroll · 3 points · Posted at 19:44:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Maybe he got hit by each bus 1/5 of the way from Australia to England.
BrainWav · 2 points · Posted at 20:38:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The velocity go down quite a bit if you assume either the bus gave chase, hitting him 5 times during his trip, or that each impact led to another bus impact.
Elitist_Plebeian · 1 points · Posted at 01:54:39 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
How does a bus hit at an angle of 30 degrees? And without factoring in air resistance at those speeds, the distances are pretty meaningless. Actually even air resistance is pretty meaningless at those speeds because even if the bus could have that velocity and impart it to the body, he'd be instantly vaporized.
kutuup1989 · 1 points · Posted at 08:40:34 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
"he'd be instantly vaporized."
Clearly you've never met an Australian or ridden one of their world famous 30 degree buses.
hitbyabus6 · 6 points · Posted at 13:08:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wow only 5?
coolcoconut123 · 3 points · Posted at 15:44:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah I know, what amateur is only hit by 5 buses, pft
[deleted] · 4 points · Posted at 17:50:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
No no, he was hit by the same bus 5 times. The fucker kept coming back for more.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 23:00:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Notice he never told a story about his Dad being a bus driver.
Haskillbrother · 2 points · Posted at 20:15:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've been hit by a bus 6 times
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:27:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Impossible. All Australians travel abroad at least 4 times a year.
bikey_bike · 1 points · Posted at 21:50:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Damn this girl I worked with said she was born in Australia and her name was Zoey but she spelled it like Zoë and it was pronounced Zoh-way which was apparently the Australian way to spell/say it. What the hell this girl was like 20 years old too....
naphand · 1 points · Posted at 22:44:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The same bus? That bus driver must really hate him.
Noisetorm_ · 1 points · Posted at 01:04:37 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
What if being hit by a bus is Australian slang for going into a bus? And what if he just took the bus to England... wait...
epictroll97 · 1 points · Posted at 01:42:56 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Maybe an Airbus?
Iapetun · 1148 points · Posted at 10:30:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not told directly to me, but to other people:
that she has leukemia, therefore she's not able to get pregnant, then accusing someone of getting her pregnant
saying that her brother died, then posting a picture with him the next day
She was probably the worst compulsive liar I've ever met. I mean if you're going to lie, at least make your stories consistent?
puntloos · 234 points · Posted at 12:31:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Yeah this is the strange part about lying to me. I get the basic concept but if you're going to do it, at least make sure your stories are not going to come out as false without anyone even needing to do any research.
The one about the dead brother is just comically dumb even though I do believe it, I've heard similarly stupid lies.
[update: Something I learned from all responses to my post here is that mental illness is more than just an amplification of feelings (i.e. "everybody feels sad some days but depressed people are sadder") but indeed that this is a dramatic misfiring in the brain that really has no origin in 'reason'.]
DAHFreedom · 16 points · Posted at 19:06:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I think you're forgetting about the "compulsion" part. That's like saying "If you're going to gamble, why would you ever bet more than you can afford?" or "If you're going to get drunk, why would you do it when you have shit to do later?"
puntloos · 3 points · Posted at 22:16:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Indeed you're probably right. I guess for me lies are always with a direct purpose that would immediately fail should the lie ever come out. Not to mention that clearly my credibility and social standing would suffer massively if the lie would come out, so indeed now I'm older and wiser it's rarely worth the effort.
YouBoxEmYouShipEm · 28 points · Posted at 17:37:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I don't even know if a compulsive liar is necessarily trying to keep a web of lies straight. I think some of them are just default liars. It's literally a compulsion to say something that isn't true (as opposed to trying to scam someone).
puntloos · 3 points · Posted at 22:14:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Makes sense, I guess I never thought of it as something that you do as your baseline plan.
dangerous_james · 4 points · Posted at 22:38:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
And a lot of the time they end up convincing themselves that the lies are true
Martial_Artiste · 3 points · Posted at 03:17:33 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've got a little bit of a lying streak in me- nothing serious, but I'll just tell somebody I beat up commies and saved the world when they ask how my day has been- and honestly I just do it because it's fun. It's like it's an outlet for my imagination. Life is just so boring sometimes.
ghostdate · 2 points · Posted at 04:04:45 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Stuff like that is just fun, and nobody would take it seriously. I used to do similar things, but started to realize some people didn't find it that funny, but rather just weird.
Martial_Artiste · 1 points · Posted at 10:51:47 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah, and occasionally some people have taken me seriously and it kinda scared me.
Hardin_of_Akaneia · 1 points · Posted at 15:58:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's not lying, that's making a joke. Completely different things
Martial_Artiste · 1 points · Posted at 16:08:17 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
But people have taken me seriously D:!
Meapalien · 12 points · Posted at 15:16:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I edit old comments
nbarbettini · 22 points · Posted at 15:49:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's why I tell the truth. It seems downright impossible to keep everything straight. I don't think I'm smart enough to be a successful compulsive liar.
[deleted] · 31 points · Posted at 16:29:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
adsdv · 10 points · Posted at 20:11:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
im curious about your game.
[deleted] · 6 points · Posted at 20:17:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Me too
Leviathanxxxone · 2 points · Posted at 21:54:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
please share your game
puntloos · 1 points · Posted at 22:14:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You win when they all kill each other? ;)
Hawkthezammy · 1 points · Posted at 00:06:50 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Where could I get this game?
puntloos · 7 points · Posted at 16:28:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sure, lying is increasingly difficult, the more you are building a framework where one lie is supporting another, but I'm more thinking of just something so stupidly obvious like the previous poster's example of saying "My brother died" while clearly he could cross everybody's path the next day.
Wasted_Bananas · 1 points · Posted at 23:08:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Actually the problem with lies is the amount of detail you make up. Usually a lie is well thought out and when asked about something, you just tell the story fluently. Instead, when telling the truth, you are thinking about what went down, going back on your own words, generally being less fluent.
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 17:34:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Often times people who are really smart about their lying are Social Engineers who REALLY want to get something out of it.
Dragoness42 · 3 points · Posted at 02:03:46 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's part of the "compulsive" part about compulsive liars. They don't do this shit on purpose or with forethought-- they just compulsively lie.
puntloos · 1 points · Posted at 10:41:23 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Thanks, this indeed was something I did not realize before, I just thought they would just have lower moral/ethical resistance than 'the average person' to lying, but indeed doing stuff that any 'rational' person can see is self-destructive is .. well, I guess that's why they call it a mental illness..
a_rucksack_of_dildos · 2 points · Posted at 21:26:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is why I stopped lying, unless I really need to, around freshman year of high school. I sucked at it and could never keep shit straight.
Plsci · 2 points · Posted at 21:28:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
They don't care if people know they lie basically. That or they're too focused on other things or just flat out too dumb to realize that anyone even does recognize their lies. Some pathological liars have some sort of mechanism for coping with the mounting evidence around them that their lies are well known. The girl he's talking about doesn't sound like that sort of case though - more like she just craves attention, and even when the dead brother lie stops paying off in attention, the being a crazy liar will continue to pay off in attention. I've known plenty of people who lie like this, and I'd say that the female ones usually do it for attention and/or don't care that people know they lie. The male ones may also do it for attention, or more commonly to be competitive or aggressive, but seem to often begin to believe their lies themselves or just block out other peoples awareness of their lies - ego certainly helps in that case.
JRS0147 · 1 points · Posted at 00:22:50 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
When I was in middle school, I detested gym class to such a degree that to get out of it one day I told the teacher that my grandfather had died and I was too broken up about it to run around like everything was okay.
The next week my grandfather did die, and for a long long time I thought it was somehow my fault.
[deleted] · 12 points · Posted at 15:06:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
If it's pathological then believability has nothing to do with it, it's a serious mental illness.
techmaster242 · 9 points · Posted at 13:40:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sounds like my ex. When we met she told me she had cystic fibrosis, and one day she suddenly got cured.
Bartweiss · 8 points · Posted at 13:50:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew one girl who got out of a high school detention by insisting that her mom ran over and killed her little brother and she needed to go home. It might have flown had he not attended the same school, and come in the next day...
OsrsNeedsF2P · 8 points · Posted at 18:42:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Emily0_o?
Almox · 4 points · Posted at 19:18:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's always Emily
Unreal_Banana · 2 points · Posted at 01:50:17 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Cx
cisleau · 7 points · Posted at 14:01:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Apparently it's pretty common for people to tell their boyfriend/girlfriend that they have some disease. My ex told me and a couple of our friends that he had kidney cancer...that's why he has all those pills (they were headache pills...) and he doesn't need to go to doctors frequently because he will die soon anyways. I mean, we all know those doctors that tell you 'come on, you're gonna die soon, just leave me alone now, stop bothering me'. Long story short, this guy pretty much made up his whole life, in the end I found out that he didn't even finish high school apparently..
yazid_assaf · 5 points · Posted at 17:51:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
If your S/O is lying to you like that you need to leave them ASAP
cisleau · 4 points · Posted at 19:57:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I did. The first times I found out that he was lying I just though he was a little weird. But slowly I found out that basically his whole life was a lie and this is where I had to make a cut. Every once in a while I hear about him from friends and apparently he is still lying his way through life...But I honestly think that he has some kind of mental disorder, lying this much is not normal. Everyone lies every once in a while, but making up your whole life is pretty extreme..
lordponte · 5 points · Posted at 15:23:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew someone in college who "had leukemia" as well, but it "turned out it be something else" when we asked how she was doing a year later. (We think she failed out of school). I remember one dinner we had together she wore a beanie before making her cancer announcement...She also stole my sunglasses and lied about her sister's heroin od death- which was promptly disputed as that said sister wrote a comment on Facebook. I cringe at the fact that I believed some of that bullshit.
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 15:33:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 17:35:36 on June 30, 2016 · (Permalink)
How did that go down?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:58:27 on June 30, 2016 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 22:43:36 on June 30, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm so sorry. It's awful that she had friends willing to help her, but she just couldn't do the work. Just because she clearly needs help doesn't mean anyone else is obligated to let her treat them like that. Props to you for trying though.
twenty_seven_owls · 5 points · Posted at 18:37:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a girl who was always telling stories about some tragedy in her family or friend circle. According to her, at least one of her brothers (there were supposedly four but I've never seen one) died in an accident, father had been in ICU, a foreign friend was diagnosed with AIDS (she didn't even speak the language of his alleged country), another friend committed suicide or something, stories about her own many diseases and accidents not included. All that horrible stuff didn't affect her disposition, mood or behaviour in the slightest.
jackalope54 · 3 points · Posted at 20:54:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That reminds me of something that happened to my brother.
We were at church camp and there was this girl in his family group that went to our church who told everyone that she had leukemia. Specifically, in her stomach. Later in the week she said her mom called her and told her that her twin sister died. She doesn't have a twin sister. She was just making stuff up to get attention. When my brother tried to call her out on her crap, the adult leaders got onto him for not believing her.
I was at camp that same week and didn't hear about it, so I guess they just kept it within their family group. But when he was telling about it on the way home I couldn't believe that the adults actually believed her with the details she gave.
First off, leukemia is blood cancer. You don't get it in your stomach. Also, she said that they saw the leukemia in an MRI. Again, blood cancer, that doesn't show up on an MRI. If the adult leaders knew anything about leukemia at all, besides that it's a kind of cancer, they would've known she was lying. But apparently they didn't, because they believed her.
Anyway, I guess word got back to her sister that she was saying all this stuff and she told her mom and she got in trouble when they got home.
JohnCarpenterLives · 9 points · Posted at 13:34:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ha! There was this girl at my high school who said she had leukemia! She died.
jaytrade21 · 2 points · Posted at 17:10:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
from lonliness I take it.
JohnCarpenterLives · 3 points · Posted at 17:27:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hit by a bus.
WhiteyDude · 2 points · Posted at 18:48:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Will she tell you she's an orphan, after you meet her family?
Sleepmeansdeathforme · 2 points · Posted at 22:27:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That reminds me of my friends mom. She's claimed to have leukemia and lung cancer at the same time but is refusing chemo because "it killed everyone she's ever know with cancer" and on top of that claimed to have a brain tumor, MS, and arthritis.
I try to stay away from my friends mom.
ghostdate · 2 points · Posted at 01:19:22 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Shit, this is similar to this girl I hooked up with a few times. In the first couple of days I knew her she told me she couldn't have kids ever, because her ovaries were heavily damaged by some kind of illness.
Then like a month later after we had hooked up a couple of times, but hadn't really been hanging out since, she drunkenly came up to me at a party and told me she was pregnant (she wasn't really) and I said, "oh, I thought you couldn't get pregnant." She proceeded to tell me that it happened and she was keeping it because she'd never have another one etc. I told her I wasn't ready for a kid, and hardly knew her, but it was her decision. Then after telling me all of this, she tells me she wasn't really pregnant and that she was testing me to see if I was an asshole or not, and then continued to say some horrible things to me until I left the party.
I'm pretty sure she has legitimate mental illness, so I try not to hold it against her, but it was still really hurtful.
rabidassbaboon · 3 points · Posted at 15:41:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That reminds me of a girl I knew in my latter teen years. I met her at a buddy's party, where she was crying on the basement steps. I asked her what was wrong and she proceeded to tell me about how she was getting open heart surgery in the morning and her parents were so terrible they wouldn't give her a ride to the hospital. I told her that we may have just met but I had my own car and would gladly give her a ride. She had an excuse for refusing that I don't really remember but this started a year or two of being associated with this girl and her nonsense. I'm just grateful we never ended up having sex, even though she was attractive and we came close a time or two. She has since accused several guys of rape.
AgingLolita · 1 points · Posted at 13:57:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
is her name Kath, by any chance?
Someone9339 · 11 points · Posted at 15:58:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
No it was Emily
thegeneraldisarray · 1 points · Posted at 19:23:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One of my exes told EVERYONE he had a brother that died. He didn't. I met his family many times. I called him out to all his friends about it. They were livid. It was his sympathy card (he was a VERY sloppy, piss-pants drunk). He was definitely a compulsive liar.
reDolphinate · 1 points · Posted at 19:38:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
what the actual fuck? I think I know this person, where you from?
dudeguymanthesecond · 1 points · Posted at 20:50:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
How does the word "compulsive" make you think something would be done in a planned and/or consistent manner?
sir_pirriplin · 1 points · Posted at 21:06:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's what compulsive means. If she benefited from the lies it wouldn't be compulsive lying, just lots of normal lying.
Drew707 · 1 points · Posted at 21:15:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Weird. This didn't happen to happen in the North Bay, did it?
methinksitlikea · 1 points · Posted at 01:22:50 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
You're sure she didn't have 2 brothers?
areyoudancingatall · 1 points · Posted at 01:26:53 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend all through childhood who had some sort of malady every time I saw her. She always claimed to have broken bones, mono, pneumonia, for some of the lesser illnesses, and then she also received multiple cancer diagnoses that miraculously went away and some congenital disease that she was relieved to be diagnosed with eventually. I always rolled my eyes as a kid when she said these things but it wasn't until high school that I realized it was actually a serious problem.
As for other lies, she told me she could sing as low as Smash Mouth back when they were popular. And her parents were "getting divorced" at least three times during our friendship but then worked it out.
morning_cup_of_NO · 1 points · Posted at 03:21:28 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Michelle?!
username_choose_you · 1 points · Posted at 05:00:49 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Good god. Was this girl from British Columbia by chance? I was friends with a girl in university who pulled the exact same story.
johngreenink · 1 points · Posted at 14:04:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah bad compulsive lying is pretty sad. At least hone the craft!
AALen · 1 points · Posted at 17:36:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Anyone who lies about having cancer deserves cancer.
shhhhquiet · 1 points · Posted at 23:33:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
People who tell these kinds of dramatic, easily disprovable lies frequently can't help themselves.
Ekyou · 0 points · Posted at 18:56:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That reminds me of the girl I knew who supposedly had cancer of the lady parts. I say "lady parts" because one day it was uterine cancer and the next it was ovarian. Apparently whatever it was made her bleed so bad she had to change her pants like 5 times that day but she wouldn't let us take her to the nurse.
skogsmulleno · 384 points · Posted at 10:36:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
His dad was the manager of ACDC (I knew his dad, he wasn't.)
He watched a bunch of soldiers get killed by king cobras in Egypt.
He got bitten by a Great White Shark in the leg but he killed it with a knife.
LadySmuag · 229 points · Posted at 18:41:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have a friend in high school who told me her Uncle toured with Toby Keith, and had played with him for over a decade. I called bullshit.
So guess who showed up for graduation? Awkward.
chronos-fett · 11 points · Posted at 19:51:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Who showed up?
theniceguytroll · 56 points · Posted at 21:27:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Shia Labeouf
z3r0f14m3 · 27 points · Posted at 22:25:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Actual cannibal Shia Labeouf?!
chronos-fett · 9 points · Posted at 06:32:30 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Running for your life from Shia LaBeouf
Mujesus-Christ · 0 points · Posted at 11:52:44 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Shia LaBoeuf
z3r0f14m3 · 3 points · Posted at 17:50:27 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Shia surprise!
Filipino_Buddha · 4 points · Posted at 23:36:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Who showed up, man? Don't leave us hanging!
b33r_engineer · 31 points · Posted at 23:56:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Pat Sajak. It was kinda weird, and completely unrelated to the earlier story.
purplemonkeydw · 11 points · Posted at 02:06:51 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Speaking of stories, I got one. One time on Reddit, this guy tried to make us believe that Toby Keith showed up to his high school graduation.
Follygagger · 7 points · Posted at 03:10:37 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dressed as a great white shark
boobsandbullets · 3 points · Posted at 19:20:01 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
It could happen. John Travolta showed up at my cousins wedding (I have photos and news articles to prove that one,at least)
lowdownporto · 8 points · Posted at 03:21:05 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know people who have made similar claims, but this day in age with the internet a lot of that shit is very easy to check. Like I know someone who said her uncle married Bob Dylan's daughter, and was a musician himself who also released his own music and produced music for TV shows etc. well, it was easy to check out and she was completely telling the truth.
eirunn · 2 points · Posted at 02:50:33 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A great white shark?
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 07:03:46 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's insane, did you get to meet him?
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 17:38:26 on June 30, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yikes
Vampyrebyte · 1 points · Posted at 04:02:32 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Was it her uncle?
ferrara44 · 5 points · Posted at 14:22:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Leg... what leg?
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 14:22:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Maybe he meant G.I Joe Cobras
EnigmaticSynergy · 3 points · Posted at 23:46:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
G.I. Joebras
TheComedyShow · 3 points · Posted at 04:26:58 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know a guy from Australia who:
Is a black belt in kickboxing
Owns a multi million dollar business
Was a guest on David Letterman
Got lost out bush while hunting and was found 3 days later with hypothermia
Was attacked by a great white shark while deep diving for abolone off the coast of Australia. He fought the shark enough for it to let him go.
His story sounds exactly like half the stories in the thread, except... All of what he says is true: https://www.google.com.au/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=eric%20nerhus
EdajimaHeihachi · 3 points · Posted at 07:35:16 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I laughed and I spitted some snot on my arm with the
-He watched a bunch of soldiers get killed by king cobras in Egypt.
Harrywheeler_ · 2 points · Posted at 21:08:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
killed the shark or his leg??
skogsmulleno · 1 points · Posted at 21:26:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He claimed he killed the Great White that was hanging onto his leg, with a knife.
Sinjun13 · 1 points · Posted at 22:36:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He claimed he killed, with a knife, the Great White that was hanging onto his leg.
Harrywheeler_ · 2 points · Posted at 13:23:47 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
lol I was being sarcastic
Sinjun13 · 1 points · Posted at 21:24:30 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
And I'm just playing along. :)
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 15:33:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I read it as giraffe for whatever reason so I love this guy regardless.
TheGeraffe · 1 points · Posted at 17:18:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sounds like you got pulled by a jackass in the leg. You should've killed him with a knife.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:30:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
King cobras live in India.
heartachetosing · 4314 points · Posted at 10:07:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
that he was 300 years old and used to be the king of my backyard
we might have been 6 years old but i saw through your dirty lies sam
itsfoine · 1288 points · Posted at 12:11:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
kid was 200 years old at best.
SgtFinnish · 967 points · Posted at 13:13:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
And merely a duke.
[deleted] · 203 points · Posted at 15:26:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
he co-ruled that backyard with this treacherous half brother, Skvid. Curse on his name!
Roarlord · 5 points · Posted at 17:38:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ze cursed Skvid ov ze Skvishings?
SadGhoster87 · 3 points · Posted at 23:14:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
spits
stanley_apex · 1 points · Posted at 07:04:29 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
How dare thee slander the name of the all powerful Skvid. Hr ruled with an iron fist but a heart of gold.
hablomuchoingles · 6 points · Posted at 16:59:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The discount viscount they called him.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 16:02:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Or maybe archduke, whoever gets to fire the director.
zlimK · 1 points · Posted at 20:19:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A kick-ass duke. Or Leader-Formerly-Known-As-King and-
Uh oh, he's coming back!
SmallLumpOGreenPutty · 1 points · Posted at 01:17:13 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I want to believe that this is a Discworld reference, but I know it's a near-futile hope.
stevomuck · 1 points · Posted at 14:14:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Could be a kick ass "Duke" or, "Leader formerly known as King".
AyyLMAOdazdank · 0 points · Posted at 17:49:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dank Mr. Skeltal
SHOW-ME-YOUR-SMILE · 2 points · Posted at 08:30:45 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
When I was young I thought of age something the parents assign to their children and there are these popular ages we were all in. Sometimes the parents decide to just change our year and celebrate it I guess.
One day I got a pet and now my parents realize my way of thinking and viewing as I asked them: "May I decide how old he is? I want him to be 1000 year old!"
That the story how I had a 1000 year old bunny called Harry Potter. There was later an author who stole his name for a character of her book of course.
boydave777 · 1 points · Posted at 04:39:34 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
my thought exactly!
TheAbominableSbm · 321 points · Posted at 13:23:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Shit…I'm a Sam that was a pathological liar between the ages of 4-10…of course, I can't remember exactly, what with being 300 ye- I mean, it was a while ago.
dodecapus · 13 points · Posted at 16:25:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Clearly you're not a Sam, but Sbm is almost convincing.
TheAbominableSbm · 11 points · Posted at 19:08:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There's actually a pretty boring story behind that name but you're right, and I would've gotten away with it too if it weren't for you redditing kids!
ReaderWalrus · 3 points · Posted at 21:24:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I would be interested in hearing it, actually.
TheAbominableSbm · 5 points · Posted at 07:19:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well since you asked;
First day of college (UK, so like high school for US I presume) we had to wear badges with our names on because everyone was new. We were given stickers and had to write on them.
Now, I'm not so stupid that I can't spell my name, but I am stupid enough that I put the sticker on and didn't actually write anything. One of my new friends at college pointed this out, so I attempted to write my name upside-down. I thought I'd done a good job and felt pretty proud of my upside-down handwriting skills until the lecturer said "…Sbm?".
Confused, I looked town and saw no issue with my sticker…it was then pointed out this time that I'd somehow written a 'b' instead of an 'a'; "S_m" was written fine, but since the 'a' was written from my perspective, the line down the back of the letter appeared on the wrong side and I'd extended it too far, so everyone hilariously called me "Sbm" from then on.
It was only a month or two before I built my first PC too so it became my handle on pretty much everything.
So there it is…Looking back over it I can't imagine a more boring story over the birth of a nickname!
workraken · 6 points · Posted at 18:40:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A 300 year old that 4-10 years later is still 300 years old.
samwisesmokedadro · 2 points · Posted at 23:32:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hey fellow Sam. See you at the Sams club this weekend bro
TheAbominableSbm · 1 points · Posted at 07:19:40 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hey have you ever been called "Sameise Ganja" before? Your username made me think of all the Sam-based nicknames I get.
samwisesmokedadro · 2 points · Posted at 14:28:11 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's great is but no I have not. Usually just samwise or Samwell
TheAbominableSbm · 1 points · Posted at 16:11:40 on June 24, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ahh well I'm small so I get the whole Samwise name, Samwise Ganja, and while it says "Samuel" on my birth certificate, doctors and dentists always say "Samwell". I mean, how on
God'smy name did they get Samwell from Samuel?!samwisesmokedadro · 1 points · Posted at 16:15:08 on June 24, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's from game of thrones.
TheMightyFishBus · 2 points · Posted at 23:37:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ugh, username is one letter away from checking out!
TheAbominableSbm · 1 points · Posted at 07:21:17 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Shh read my hilarious story in another thread, it checks out I promise I just want to be in your club
Psyladine · 17 points · Posted at 13:53:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My neice used to tell people she had 6 grandmas. Everyone would laugh her off or try to correct her but she refused to back down.
Eventually realized she was referring to living grandparents, of her mother, father and her mother's succession of boyfriends. She cared enough to keep track.
heartachetosing · 8 points · Posted at 14:32:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Aw, that is sweet and sad
Seeyouyeah · 78 points · Posted at 10:22:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Typical sam
TheMeltingSnowman72 · 46 points · Posted at 11:31:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sam, Sam, the lying
6 year oldman.PM_ME_COCAINE_PLEASE · 3 points · Posted at 12:27:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
WE SHOULD MURDER HIM.
salexy · 2 points · Posted at 16:12:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The comment says Cheryl, but the username is obviously Pam's.
OctagonalHumanist · 1 points · Posted at 16:15:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
People should stop PMing you cocaine.
two-inner-wolves · 1 points · Posted at 17:51:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
m'aiq the liar
oh_no_not_canola_oil · 2 points · Posted at 12:41:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Damn, Sam.
samme79 · 1 points · Posted at 14:03:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Play it again, Sam
YesThisIsSam · 4 points · Posted at 13:52:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You have no proof.
catglass · 2 points · Posted at 19:33:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Redditor for over 300 years.
Username checks out.
rabidassbaboon · 3 points · Posted at 15:27:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My version of this was my best friend in second grade told me that the Ninja Turtles lived in the sewer behind his house and they'd take him on adventures at night. There were multiple times I snuck out of bed in the middle of the night, got dressed, and waited looking out the windows in my living room because they "were going to pick me up in the turtle van to go fight bad guys". Now I'm 34 and the only bad guys I have ever fought were just drunks at the bar.
digitalkc · 2 points · Posted at 15:16:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When 300 years old you reach, look as good you will not.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 15:25:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
LOL hahah I'm laughing out loud. Thank you for that.
thiefmann · 2 points · Posted at 18:13:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Used to be.
BoneCarlos · 2 points · Posted at 18:43:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Maybe he did keep the ring after-all...
catglass · 2 points · Posted at 19:32:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm interested in the "used to be" part. How was he deposed? What was the power dynamic/governmental situation in your backyard following this ancient wizard-child's reign?
GameQb11 · 1 points · Posted at 16:26:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Was he lying, or did he just think you were an idiot?
heartachetosing · 2 points · Posted at 16:33:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well I mean we were six and he was a pretty creative kid who liked making up stories. He was also probably trying to mess with me and I was having nONE OF IT
DarkZero515 · 1 points · Posted at 20:17:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Damn I really want this to be true
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:40:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When I was a kid someone told me he once stood on the wings of an airplane while flying (I didn't believe him, I asked for pictures and he didn't have it).
He forgot about it after a while so next year I mentioned it to one of my friends about it. My friend went over the the liar to ask if he really did stand on the wing of an airplane. Well, he had forgotten about it so he of course said no.
Then a fight happened (I wasn't there to watch it though). So basically, I started a fight between 2 people that made on of them cry.
This was just one of numerous lies he told and had forgotten about. But to his defense we were about 8-10 years old.
logicblocks · 1 points · Posted at 00:55:46 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
You probably were talking to a demon.
Sammichface · 1 points · Posted at 01:02:28 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sorry. I just wanted an invite to your cool bday party. I heard you were getting a moon jump.
I jumped on the moon for real. After you didn't invite me to your party, I was invited to top secret NASA training. I'm an astronaut now. I own the moon for the next 300 years... NASA made me immortal with a super secret serum. So... yeah, no big deal.
heartachetosing · 2 points · Posted at 01:14:54 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This legitimately sounds like something that would come out of his mouth.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:53:32 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Fucking Rachel told me she was a vampire and went to cool vampire parties and all the vampires got beanie babies when they were turned. I DIDN'T BELIEVE YOU FOR A SECOND, RACHEL.
jackyrc · 1 points · Posted at 03:11:53 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
which backyard?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 15:11:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is the best one.
youhairslut · 115 points · Posted at 12:13:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That she vomited up her baby and that's why she was no longer pregnant.
[deleted] · 29 points · Posted at 17:55:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The secret abortion trick that doctors don't want you to know!!
Gemuese11 · 6 points · Posted at 15:22:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Why would you lie about something like that?
the_eric · 8 points · Posted at 02:16:13 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I used to work with a girl who thought her hymen was in her butt. I'm gay and I shouldn't know more about a ladies business than she does.
TheSovietGoose · 2 points · Posted at 13:46:43 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
The first poop is always the most special.
Yourstruly0 · 3 points · Posted at 20:53:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
She was actually Heather from Silent Hill 3.
mynameissomethingels · 3 points · Posted at 01:48:02 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
You know I am no doctor, but I'm gonna go ahead and say I don't think it works that way.
OnePieceTwoPiece · 1 points · Posted at 01:01:27 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
She might have vomited, but not up.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 12:30:59 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Was this a child pretending to be pregnant? That's the only explanation I can think of.
Wishingwurm · 1 points · Posted at 12:55:57 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
You'd be surprised at the number of women who think this is something that can actually happen. Of course you're right, she can't, and she could've been lying about it. I hope she was lying about it. It terrifies me that this belief should exist today.
Here's a gross little side note though. In rare cases there can be a fistula between the uterus and the large intestine, and a fetus can sometimes literally be digested by the mother. This is (mercifully) exceptionally rare. As the more common result to this is to have poop coming out where no poop should ever be, and in the West it gets corrected before it gets to this level.
Thorolf_Kveldulfsson · 1 points · Posted at 22:55:20 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
What she didn't tell you was she aborted the baby and ate the fetus first
bad_tsundere · 997 points · Posted at 11:48:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Not me, but a professor.
My professor taught screenwriting (woot woot) film school) and one day he decided to go out and find the next Hollywood blockbuster or whatever. Eventually, he was contacted by a neighboring college about this woman on their swim team that had an amazing story.
He goes to check it out. There, he meets a woman balding from chemotherapy, I think in her 40's. He never told us her age, but based on her life story, she had to be on the older side.
When my professor asked her about her life she opened up to him. She was ex-Navy and was honorably discharged due to a mission gone wrong. Basically, her and the other soldiers were disarming bombs of some type, can't remember if they were landmines or the ones that float around in the sea. Many of her friends and teammates died, including the one dude having an affair with her. She claimed the US government would never let the story leak.
Afterwards, my professor and this woman continued talking about her life. She had a journal in which she recorded everything that happened. He would sometimes take her to the hospital so that she could encourage other cancer patients to stay strong during their ordeal, and also for chemo treatments.
Things became weird when my professor couldn't find anyone to back her story up. Everyone who'd know about the botched mission was dead, and her friends would mysteriously cancel meetings at the last minute.
My professor didn't want to doubt the story of a brave soldier recovering from cancer, but it was just too weird. So, he called the high school she told him she attended to check out her story. There was no record of her attendance at the high school.
Of course, my professor confronted her about it. She immediately turned tail and ran.
Months later, he saw her picture on the cover of a sports magazine. She was a blind skier now. Turns out, that woman didn't even have cancer. She spent hours at the hospital to keep up the act and even gave talks to real cancer patients about hope.
Tldr: Woman lies about being a soldier and having cancer to an alarming extent. There's proof that she has done this several times.
Edit: sailor not soldier. Thanks for the correction, knowledgeable redditors :)
papereverywhere · 365 points · Posted at 14:39:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I am always alarmed at cancer fakers. But somehow I am more alarmed that you referred to someone in their 40's as "on the older side." I suddenly feel old for being in my 40's...
bad_tsundere · 189 points · Posted at 16:04:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I said on the older side because she was on a college swim team and I thought people would assume that she was younger than 30. I didn't mean to say that people in their 40s are old. Sorry
papereverywhere · 9 points · Posted at 16:08:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew you didn't mean it that way. No worries...there is no sarcastic font available for me, unfortunately. That would be an awesome invention!
Waitwait_dangerzone · 4 points · Posted at 21:41:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sartalics, bro!
ScaryBananaMan · 4 points · Posted at 18:24:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
/s works in lieu of a sarcastic font :-)
papereverywhere · 15 points · Posted at 19:12:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Thanks! This is even more beneficial because, when I electronically sign legal documents, it is /s followed by my name. So, I am indicating that the entirety of the legal document submitted to a judge is sarcastic in nature. Somehow that makes my job seem less dull.
Extra-Extra · 2 points · Posted at 22:52:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Don't give old people also hope. Over 30 is practically dust
Craggabagga1 · 2 points · Posted at 00:37:47 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
But they are...
There are lots of 40 yos that act like geezers socially.
charlietango13 · -13 points · Posted at 16:11:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Did you think college swim teams were a new invention? :)
Personalphilosophie · 1 points · Posted at 15:45:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Maybe he meant a little on the older side for compulsively lying to such a degree? Most of the other examples in this thread are people in their teens-twenties.
papereverywhere · 1 points · Posted at 15:51:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was just kidding :)
Doingitwronf · 1 points · Posted at 16:34:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You could always lie about your age!
papereverywhere · 1 points · Posted at 16:46:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It has crossed my mind, because nobody believes that I am 43. But reducing my age looks ridiculous to anyone who knows I have a 23 year old kid :)
Luwi00 · 1 points · Posted at 11:14:22 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have seen the other side of this several times.
Doctors laughed at me, people laughed at me and even a fucking police officer told me the stop lying...
I have cancer, I was very very weak the first month after the surgery and could barley stand, so I was at the doctor told them I need to be in there ASAP because I am about to pass out and dont want them to carry me to the hospital because I am just weak... The doctor just told me, sir you have to wait because there are more important people then you, see this one (50-55 year old guys) he got a fucking caugh so we is first, people who say they have cancer and dont have it are disgusting...
Jep I reported her to the German doctor thingy, she already had a warning and now has a second one, one more and the title is gone.
The policeman actually said I had to park somewhere else because the parking spot is for people who are actually ill.. and not young foks who have nothing and just dont like to walk...
Thanks, I guess...
And the normal people are the most annyoning, screaming and shit tell you you should get cancer because you block the disabled parking spot... well guess what bitch I already have cancer...
papereverywhere · 1 points · Posted at 14:57:42 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That really sucks. I have seen people go off on the handicap spot issue, and it doesn't make sense as many disabilities are not visible. But to have a doctor say that is outrageous.
Best of luck to you kicking some cancer ass.
Dwight- · 12 points · Posted at 15:30:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Eugh, this is like that woman who said she was in one of the towers on 9/11. Such a horrible thing to fake when there are people going through actual trauma. Knocks me sick.
[deleted] · 10 points · Posted at 20:22:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
thisguynamedjoe · 3 points · Posted at 00:44:55 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
She did it for attention and sympathy. For some people, this is a reward.
DigiDuncan · 4 points · Posted at 05:43:47 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Is that a common expression? I've never heard it before.
Dwight- · 1 points · Posted at 10:34:29 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm in the UK and pretty common where I live. Not sure about the rest of the country, though. Different dialect/slang/whatever from town to town.
absecon · 7 points · Posted at 18:43:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Cancer fakers are a special kind of liar. The intriguing kind among other things...
MamaBear4485 · 8 points · Posted at 17:20:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
haha at "turned tail and ran". It baffles me why idiots like this get themselves into these situations. Had a similar experience at school when I heard a stupid pointless tall story that had been told about me. I handed the people concerned the documents to prove the lie right in front of the liar, and he literally turned and ran out of the room. He is an adult, but looked like the 4 year old hiding within that day. Many laughs were had by the real adults!
sushi_bakon · 2 points · Posted at 18:12:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Storytime? What was he saying about you?
MamaBear4485 · 3 points · Posted at 18:23:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Idiot ex told the teachers he alone was authorised to make educational decisions and I was supposed to pay for them all as well as the kiddo's school meals when she was with him. When the teachers told me I burst out laughing and told them that's not how it works.
So come parent teacher conference, I showed up at the joint one with him, as I'm supposed to. Came prepared with copies of the legal documents one for each teacher highlighting the portions pertaining to school. Halfwit stands up furious, scrapes chair back and flees out of the room. Much mirth had by all actual grownups present. That's just one of many such examples i usually don't bother to deal with but this time I was aggravated enough to address it.
thawed_caveman · 3 points · Posted at 14:56:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
But did she actually have an amazing story? It looks like making things up was her thing.
Ivelostmydrum · 7 points · Posted at 16:47:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That in itself could be a pretty compelling movie actually.
Color_blinded · 6 points · Posted at 22:30:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah! It would be a block buster! Imagine if we put her in a bunch of scenarios where she has to lie about being in a bunch of highly skilled positions. Like a doctor! Or a lawyer! or a VCR repair technician! Or an airline pilot! She would go all around the world avoiding people who wise up to her lies and trying to have her arrested.
We can call it "Apprehend me, I dare you!"
bad_tsundere · 2 points · Posted at 16:00:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I could believe she actually does have an interesting backstory. She isn't sick or disabled though.
ThreeLZ · 1 points · Posted at 21:09:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
No shit, that's the entire point. That's seriously the only reason we are here. People making up stories is the subject of this thread.
Generic123 · 2 points · Posted at 18:27:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sounds like you made this up dude.
Where is the magazine with a blind skier? Where is the proof shes done this before?
bad_tsundere · 5 points · Posted at 18:59:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know this'll sound cheesy, but my professor gave us a newspaper article about her and I don't have it anymore.
If you don't believe, you could just consider me the compulsive liar and write a post about me :)
keveready · 2 points · Posted at 18:02:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Am I the only one who is gonna ask about blind skiing? They just put her on a magazine!?
bad_tsundere · 2 points · Posted at 18:37:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah, apparently cheating is an epidemic in disabled high performance sports, specifically the disabled Olympics.
Source: http://m.spiegel.de/international/zeitgeist/a-829445.html
There was a 'blind' German swimmer who won some competitions and even appeared on a TV show. She later got her driver's license.
homer1948 · 1 points · Posted at 21:01:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's what I wanted to know.
StrikeAnywherePanda · 1 points · Posted at 14:59:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I feel like she was trying to just be a con-woman. There was something she was trying to get out of it.
MyFirstOtherAccount · 1 points · Posted at 19:12:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Why not just actually change it to "woot woot"
bad_tsundere · 3 points · Posted at 19:23:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm new to reddit and assumed it wasn't possible. I always see "Edit: blah blah blah" , so I thought that was just protocol.
megonnaise · 1 points · Posted at 21:07:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The worst lecturer i've ever had told us she invented Marketing as it's known today through being a co-writer an unpublished book in the 90s.
Gen_GeorgePatton · 1 points · Posted at 01:32:56 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Navy =/= soldier.
lowdownporto · 1 points · Posted at 03:19:05 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
So is she faking being blind?
wifeofpsy · 1 points · Posted at 05:06:08 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Reminds me of the doc "The woman who wasn't there", about a woman who lied about being in WTC during 9/11 attacks and eventually became the leader of this group of real survivors.
Hunt_Gatsby · 1 points · Posted at 18:54:09 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Is her name Emily?
bad_tsundere · 1 points · Posted at 19:10:42 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was never told.
Hunt_Gatsby · 1 points · Posted at 19:55:47 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh I was just leaking 2007scape
HermitCrabCakes · 1 points · Posted at 04:53:28 on September 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
Can you link which magazine?? Google returns numerous.. so although it's not specific, it would still be public.. Can you help us out? I wonder if they ever ask them to provide medical background - like when they were diagnosed with blindness or to which degree.. That's super fucked up
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:32:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
She lied about being a sailor not a soldier.
aastle · 0 points · Posted at 17:40:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
wtf is a woot woot film school???
brb_gottapoops · 802 points · Posted at 10:27:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He told me he was the head of the Yakuza clan and they want him to go back to Cali to run it. He also told me he was raised by Buddhist Monks, and his Mom's a terrible person who hates him.
He's Cambodian. He has the patience of a six year old. And his mom used to give him a couple hundred every month when he roomed with one of my best friends. He honestly thinks we believe him.
TheLaughingPriest · 501 points · Posted at 15:19:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That reminds me of a kid who attended my school, he told some rather tall, contradictory stories:
Being born in Russia... Or was is Australia?
An expert guitar player (he couldn't play for us, as he guitar was locked in the car)
Has weekly visits to Russia, Ireland and Australia. To all his multi-ethnic uncles, that happen to be experts in different fields of combat
Do not let his frail frame decieve you, this kid is an expert in weight-training and body building. Easily making 40 sets of 250kg leg presses, and is even kind enough to share his wisdom with actual bodybuilders on facebook
One detail he neglected to tell us, is that his sister is a nude model that was in a relationship with Paul Gascoigne (a famous football player), and has made various porn films... That actually turned out to be true.
Indianfattie · 73 points · Posted at 16:08:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Name of her sister,please....
SeanOuttaCompton · 36 points · Posted at 16:42:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dannii Harwood? Its what popped up in some news articles when i googled "Paul Gascoigne pornstar GF"
thegreenrobby · 33 points · Posted at 16:55:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well, it certainly SOUNDS like a pornstar name.
TunnelSnake88 · 18 points · Posted at 22:27:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
She starred alongside Danny Hard Wood
PhoenixianGaming · 1 points · Posted at 04:50:24 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Nice pun m8
hamelemental2 · 4 points · Posted at 18:37:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Op posted below that it starts with an E and her last name rhymes with Lawson.
Termosaurus · 25 points · Posted at 19:00:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Emma Watson?
reddhead4 · 3 points · Posted at 11:02:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Those don't rhyme
questionablehogs · 8 points · Posted at 20:44:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That may be her real name, cause Dannii Harwood sounds like a porn name to me.
SeanOuttaCompton · 6 points · Posted at 18:46:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
hmm. sounds like Gascoigne has a LOT of pornstar GFs
[deleted] · 8 points · Posted at 18:07:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
AFewStupidQuestions · 21 points · Posted at 18:34:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You bastard. Tried "Emma Dawson porn" in the googles and got Emma Watson. Tried just "Dawson porn" and apparently he is a gay porn star.
gzilla57 · 13 points · Posted at 20:34:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You want to use Bing
No, seriously.
TunnelSnake88 · 10 points · Posted at 22:28:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Bing it!
TriceraScotts · 8 points · Posted at 21:11:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Everyone, listen to this person. There is exactly one thing Bing is good for and it is this. It is light years better than Google for this.
Andre_Shingarev · 3 points · Posted at 01:26:30 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Explanation? Or am I getting trolled?
Thrownawayactually · 11 points · Posted at 02:07:20 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Bing will aggregate porn sites based on what you search. For example: if you search multiple creampies, you are a dirty boy but bing will show you selections matching those terms from many sites. He was not joking. Bing is the porn search.
Andre_Shingarev · 3 points · Posted at 02:21:39 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I need to go do some... research now.
Nerdsbenerds · -1 points · Posted at 20:57:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yea becuase then google can't track you.
gzilla57 · 4 points · Posted at 21:07:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Nah bing is just better for that specific kind of search. Google it.
prospective_trader · 3 points · Posted at 16:35:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
PLS OP
x11x0 · 6 points · Posted at 17:06:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dannii Harwood
TheLaughingPriest · 5 points · Posted at 17:08:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Her name begins with an 'E'... and her last name rhymes with 'Lawson'
lemywincks · 17 points · Posted at 20:25:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Just tell us, ya dookie head
AthosAlonso · 22 points · Posted at 22:36:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I once saw a reddittor lying about the sister of a compulsive lier he knew...
ItPutsLotionOnItSkin · 0 points · Posted at 23:47:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
..... for science
thelittlestlibrarian · 0 points · Posted at 01:01:55 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dannii Harwood?
Naztynaz12 · 7 points · Posted at 18:09:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
sounds like the kid was bullied and victimized. Had to make a scare story that he believed in maybe to avoid getting predated on. Obviously things were unstable if even his sister took it up the ass for $. Happy she' ok now, hope he is too. > Dannii Harwood
MyLittleOso · 8 points · Posted at 19:37:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Somewhat similar: My best friend and I were living in Germany and she had a friend coming to visit with her new boyfriend, Jan. Said he was born and raised in Frankfurt or somewhere (this was awhile ago). He spoke flawless German and knew about the culture, sites, everything. After they left, it wasn't until a couple months later the friend called us and said she discovered it was all a lie. He was from Wisconsin or somewhere around there and Jan wasn't even his real name. Honestly, the guy was smooth. Not sure what he got out of that deception, as he paid my more than his share of the expenses.
theniceguytroll · 6 points · Posted at 20:36:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Did he also tell you that Gascoigne was a blood-drunk Hunter that killed his own wife before eventually turning into a giant wolfman thing?
'Cause that happened.
Soulbrandt-Regis · 1 points · Posted at 03:16:46 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
:< Left his daughters to die. Poor thing.
chappersyo · 1 points · Posted at 18:48:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm assuming this was a while ago because you'd probably keep it quiet if your sister had been banging Gazza in the last 15 years or so.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 19:25:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Source for that last one?
Grilled_Oyster · 1 points · Posted at 21:17:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"Expert guitar player"....lol.
ItCouldaBeenMe · 1 points · Posted at 01:34:10 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Woah woah woah!
We're gonna need proof buddy.
scousecafuu · 1 points · Posted at 04:56:39 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh God Gazza was such a good player... I just keep picturing THAT goal!
Lilpu55yberekt · 1 points · Posted at 21:08:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
550 pounds on a leg press isn't all that much.
My 15 year old cousin can probably do that.
jnja · 0 points · Posted at 02:43:31 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
For 40 sets? Ok bro lol.
Lilpu55yberekt · 1 points · Posted at 03:15:27 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not 40 sets.
In my 15 years of lifting, I have yet to come across anyone do anywhere close to 40 sets of any weighted exercise.
Cessnaporsche01 · 559 points · Posted at 15:11:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I once knew a warehouse worker who claimed that he used to be Japan's premier heart surgeon. He claimed, that one day, a Yakuza boss needed a heart transplant, but during the operation, the Yakuza boss died. The Yakuza was very mad, so he smuggled himself in a fishing boat to America. He said he'd actually killed the Yakuza boss on purpose and it was his biggest secret, but he liked to tell everyone that would listen.
Dwight- · 216 points · Posted at 15:22:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh my God. I think I know that guy too! Is it the dude on the left?
extraordinarylove · 31 points · Posted at 17:17:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Steady hand!
hamelemental2 · 14 points · Posted at 18:38:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
But, mistake!
CobraKaiCurry · 13 points · Posted at 17:26:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In Japan steady hand
[deleted] · 8 points · Posted at 19:00:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Steady hand! The best!
LuxNocte · 6 points · Posted at 19:12:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
No, it was the guy in the right.
FrankieAK · 2 points · Posted at 21:09:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's the one on the right.
heybrother45 · 27 points · Posted at 16:19:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In Japan, heart surgeon, number one.
rustyshackleford193 · 14 points · Posted at 17:15:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
But! Mistake!
Pjoo · 3 points · Posted at 17:17:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Chaika.
[deleted] · 9 points · Posted at 15:23:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Was his name Hide? Did Darryl hire him?
hellotanuki · 5 points · Posted at 16:13:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So what's Black Jack like in person?
[deleted] · 4 points · Posted at 17:07:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
wait a minute...
michaelnpdx · 2 points · Posted at 16:04:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I appreciate you.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 21:20:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Heart surgeon. Number 1. Steady hand.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 22:55:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I actually think that's an awesome story haha.
Jaegerbombs359 · 2 points · Posted at 03:51:30 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This sounds incredibly familiar.
chappersyo · 2 points · Posted at 18:47:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I gooduh surgeon
[deleted] · -1 points · Posted at 18:58:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
mylackofselfesteem · 3 points · Posted at 10:05:36 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
it's from the office
Rybread52 · -1 points · Posted at 02:13:05 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That sounds really similar to the plot of a case in one of the Ace Attorney games...
mylackofselfesteem · 3 points · Posted at 10:05:17 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
it's from the office
RegretDesi · 3 points · Posted at 15:45:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ah yes, the Californian Yakuza.
Sxeptomaniac · 3 points · Posted at 18:43:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Khmer Californian Yakuza
Death_proofer · 3 points · Posted at 23:50:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's the worst part, when they think they believe you. We had this one friend in our group who would tell the most outrageous lies and to this day he thinks we see him as a womanizing dance instructor who also speaks french and is a black belt in some Vietnamese martial art. He's a pretty fat guy so you know all of this is bullshit but he think we buy his shit. We feel pretty sorry for him.
Sxeptomaniac · 2 points · Posted at 18:42:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Khmer Californian Yakuza. That phrase cracks me up so much.
Was he just so used to people assuming all Asians are the same that he figured no-one would know the difference?
se1ze · 2 points · Posted at 01:57:35 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Cambodian Yakuza boss...I'm dying here...I'm seriously tearing up laughing.
jaytrade21 · 2 points · Posted at 17:09:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
After meeting a number of Cambodians (my ex-wife is Cambodian), I have to say that I think the war REALLY fucked them up. A lot of really nice people, but some of them have some really fucked up lives.
brb_gottapoops · 1 points · Posted at 18:51:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He's Cambodian but he's third generation in the US.
pejmon · 1 points · Posted at 18:27:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm going to assume you guys are from Long Beach.
brb_gottapoops · 1 points · Posted at 03:31:55 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Nah, Vegas
VeXedZenith · 1 points · Posted at 18:54:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Aye I know a guy who said something like that. He said hes the leader of an assassins guild who is also thousands of years old because he was trapped in a crystal. He also has a demon inside him named Freddy and he comes out when he gets mad.
Shinne · 1 points · Posted at 22:18:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
God damn Cambodians. Even embarrassing me on the internet.
grokforpay · 1 points · Posted at 22:19:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In Japan, heart surgeon number 1. The best!
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:04:23 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He probably posts in narcparents or whatever that sub is full of fucking crazies.
delaboots · -2 points · Posted at 18:18:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
downvote for using the word "Cali". Don't ever call it that.
Filipino_Buddha · 1 points · Posted at 23:34:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Just curious.
Why not? I assumed a lot of Californians would call it "Cali". Especially "NorCal" or "SoCal" if you're from either.
C6H6Grape · 2 points · Posted at 09:30:07 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
As someone who's lived in California nearly all his life, I don't recall ever subscribing to some sort of cultural convention banning the term "Cali." I personally have never used the term, but I don't see anything wrong with it.
delaboots · -3 points · Posted at 23:51:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Any true Californian thinks "Cali" sounds fucking stupid because it is. SoCal and NorCal are acceptable but Cali is not. You'd just sound like an outsider moron.
Filipino_Buddha · 3 points · Posted at 00:00:36 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well I am from Guam and never been to California. Everyone here who has been to California calls it "Cali".
Now just thinking about it, calling it Cali does kinda irk me.
brb_gottapoops · 2 points · Posted at 03:32:29 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Because I am an outsider
keenly_disinterested · 277 points · Posted at 13:32:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My two year old grand daughter looked me right in the eye and said it wasn't her that farted. There were only two of us in the fucking car!
nomnomnomnomRABIES · 17 points · Posted at 22:30:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
well it must have been you then. girls don't fart anyway
notasrelevant · 6 points · Posted at 02:22:52 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Was anything said before this? Because I'm just imagining her throwing the lie out there before you even said anything.
"It wasn't me."
"Uhh... what wasn't... oh, god... that's foul..."
therestlesspanda · 2 points · Posted at 10:34:10 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I collapsed with laughter reading this.
OdeeSS · 2 points · Posted at 23:52:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's just survival, and she's learning fast.
wishididntforgetlog · 1 points · Posted at 22:50:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Lying at 2 is a sign of advanced development so yay for your grandkid
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:23:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Haha that's what I was thinking. My daughter has just started telling small fibs at 8. And she didn't associate farts as bad or funny until at least six.
Woopty_Woop · 1 points · Posted at 20:42:31 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Must... resist... assholish comment...
WyzeGye · 1 points · Posted at 23:48:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My kid's good at this one too. I have to take the blame for teaching that behaviour though.
emmster · 1 points · Posted at 23:51:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You've never heard of the Phantom Farter?
IndignantTortoise · 1 points · Posted at 01:59:37 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That kid is going to be an attorney.
ix_Omega · 1 points · Posted at 03:22:40 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wow, most kids aren't really able to lie until 4.
InverurieJones · 1 points · Posted at 11:47:38 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ah, yes...the malleable reality of a two year old. Mine used to lie about her farts but now just announces them with glee after realising that they made me laugh.
SatanicCatVideo · 1 points · Posted at 13:25:39 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Check your tailpipe. Maybe you had carbon monoxide poisoning.
Shivvykins · 1 points · Posted at 14:21:33 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
First time my daughter ever lied to me when she was two and we were potting-training. A huge poo in the middle of the room - "I DIDN'T DO IT"
certainlynotthomas · -2 points · Posted at 02:25:06 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Why is this not up voted higher?!?
ThePetPsychic · 347 points · Posted at 11:30:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One of my coworkers is legendary for fantastic tales.
As a child, he visited an Italian deli where the Mafia don sat in the back of the store. Each customer would kiss his ring as they passed by.
While serving as a Major in the Marines, he realized he left his lunch at home. No problem, he borrowed a Blackhawk, flew to his house and rappelled down to pick it up.
We work for the railroad and our freight line passes right next to the Milwaukee airport. Several years ago, a plane came in too low and its wheels scuffed the roof of the locomotive as it passed over.
And many more...
Fiennes · 118 points · Posted at 13:15:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So... who was controlling the Blackhawk whilst he rappelled down?
[deleted] · 410 points · Posted at 13:56:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Presumably an Army officer, since the Marine Corps doesn't use Blackhawks.
[deleted] · 23 points · Posted at 15:38:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
[deleted] · 37 points · Posted at 15:47:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Maybe even a pathological liar would understand that somebody willingly getting into an Osprey is completely unbelievable.
Aquila13 · 4 points · Posted at 23:51:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Osprey's are much safer than they were when they first came to the marine corps. Since operational use in 2007, they've had 3 crashes. They're about as safe as most helicopters, now. Which is to say, not. But just as good as the Blackhawks (almost)!
[deleted] · 4 points · Posted at 06:08:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
So since 2007 they've only been flown twice? :P
InverurieJones · 3 points · Posted at 11:51:57 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Three crashes from two flights? What do you think it is, a Chinook?
[deleted] · 8 points · Posted at 15:38:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Tbf no point in taking the Osprey he'd of had to do so many more mechanical checks
[deleted] · 7 points · Posted at 17:21:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
Leto_III · 9 points · Posted at 18:01:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is so nice it hurts to read.
SadGhoster87 · 3 points · Posted at 23:16:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It sounds like the name of the next CoD game.
SkytechCEO · 4 points · Posted at 23:32:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's actually the one after that.
Source: I am the entirety of Activision. Activision is a physical entity and I am that. The people who you see working are just actors I leave out to keep up the illusion. But with the release of the game after next l will finally go public and tell everyone... Cod was just a prank bro.
Enthused_Llama · 3 points · Posted at 23:50:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hard to rappel when your aircraft is upside down.
InverurieJones · 1 points · Posted at 11:53:15 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Especially when it's a rotary-wing aircraft. Inverted abseiling really requires a fixed-wing with VTOL capability.
ThePetPsychic · 5 points · Posted at 15:49:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Don't worry, he also tells people that he was in both branches.
InverurieJones · 1 points · Posted at 11:54:43 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That is technically possible. After I left the army I did go all weird and serve as a naval reservist for a while...
VehaMeursault · 3 points · Posted at 23:09:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Aha! But this Blackhawk was borrowed that day, you see! Super secret join training of both Marine and Army! Really!
nick_cage_fighter · 2 points · Posted at 23:23:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Don't you mean warrant officer?
HighRelevancy · 1 points · Posted at 15:04:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Fuck lol.
Bogushizzall · 4 points · Posted at 20:21:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He used the "AUTO HOV" button!
Jeez, haven't you seen San Andreas?
Tom908 · 3 points · Posted at 21:45:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Arma 2*
kwark_uk · 3 points · Posted at 22:55:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He put it in park obviously.
HappyAust · 2 points · Posted at 23:36:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
autopilot bro
TheFaster · 1 points · Posted at 18:34:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh, don't worry. He just put it on autopilot.
Dospina · 3 points · Posted at 14:09:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
They would kiss the ring on his finger, right?
Skyrekon · 3 points · Posted at 14:51:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yes. Every single customer was required to kiss the Don's ring when they walked in. If you didn't, you were executed on the spot.
ThePetPsychic · 11 points · Posted at 15:38:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It was a tough place, put DAMN did they have good pastrami.
tjtom3 · 2 points · Posted at 20:13:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Holy crap, that kiss the ring shit was fucking hilarious.
VehaMeursault · 2 points · Posted at 23:11:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sidenote.
How do you pronounce to rappel? Is it Ra-pell or Rap-l?
StarFaerie · 2 points · Posted at 02:34:43 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
The former source
InverurieJones · 2 points · Posted at 11:55:44 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
'Ab-sail'. :P
VehaMeursault · 1 points · Posted at 20:46:20 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
You win, sir :p
ThePetPsychic · 1 points · Posted at 07:16:28 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I use the former (figured that out thanks to you!) and pronounce it slightly different than "repel."
VehaMeursault · 1 points · Posted at 09:18:51 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Eh. And eh.. How do you pronounce, you know, "repel" exactly? :/
ThePetPsychic · 1 points · Posted at 22:14:10 on September 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
"Rep-L" but really fast.
charlesthechuck · 0 points · Posted at 23:57:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The latter
In_the_heat · 2 points · Posted at 02:07:11 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ok, this legit happened to me though. My dad loved this restaurant that Sammy Gravano would regularly eat at, and we would see him in there.
Templar56 · 2 points · Posted at 05:08:07 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well maybe if he was a general or some shit that could happen. The base general on 29 palms sometimes gets into an osprey from wherever he was at and fly's to the 'general's lawn' in the middle of base. Then he casually walks to his car and goes home. Only happened once while I was here but it was cool.
ALLSTARTRIPOD · 1477 points · Posted at 10:54:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Greg, Greg was a compulsive liar, the likes of which have never been witnessed before on this planet.
Gregs real name is George, we call him Greg because he's so stupid, he'd likely misspell his own name - thus "Greg" was born.
Greg had many a fable that he tried to convince us were true.
Some of his more popular ones;
- He'd lost his virginity when he was 13 in France
- His dad was a notorious biker gangster
- He was wanted by local drug dealers for beating someone up
- He's had to beat someone with a bat for giving his sister shit.
I could go on with the list, but there was one time that sticks with us the most. It was Gregs 16th birthday, and we were all round his house having a few beers and whatnot.
As the evening went on, Gregs cousin wanted to go home (she lived 5 minutes walk away) so he and another friend walked her home.
On the journey to her house, they pass a local bar (where there's usually fights and whatnot) and it was getting heated out the front.
Greg, being the super hero that he is, decided to intervene and stop these Goliaths trying to kill one another.
When he got home, he recited a story with pure passion;
"I ran in there, told them to calm down, and this one geezer was having none of it, and swung at me, so I ducked and hit him in the stomach and he dropped, and I booted another guy in the chest and headbutted him, then he tried to get up, so I got him in a choke hold and choked him the fuck out"
Whilst telling this story, and demonstrating the different hits he dealt out, my friend who was with them was waiting patiently behind him to finish his story.
Once Greg was finished with his little recap of events, my friend loud and clearly stated "No, Greg walked up, someone swung at him - missed, Greg fell over anyway, so we walked back"
Even Gregs mom was shocked at his level of commitment to his own lies.
Kunstfr · 856 points · Posted at 12:37:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
To be fair, France is the perfect place to lose your virginity younger. We have sex when we're 6 or 7 here.
That might be because I'm the president of the ninja mafia though, the position comes with benefits. Also, did I tell you about the time I killed two tigers with my bare hands?
clee-saan · 193 points · Posted at 12:57:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You mean you used two hands? Pussy, I did it with one hand tied behind my back.
DiceBreakerSteve · 292 points · Posted at 14:22:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know for a fact that you didn't because I am that tiger.
[deleted] · 6 points · Posted at 15:26:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
No you're not, otherwise you'd be dead. I suffocated you with my bare mouth over your mouth.
Acidbubu · 7 points · Posted at 15:31:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
THE KISS OF DEATH
[deleted] · -8 points · Posted at 16:27:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
TRIGGERED. If the tiger regretted it afterwards, they have the right to call it rape and EVERYONE HAS TO BELIEVE THEM NO MATTER WHAT.
SadGhoster87 · 1 points · Posted at 23:19:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Thanks for bringing this circlejerk into this thread that had nothing to do with that circlejerk.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:21:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Anytime amigo, anytime.
FancyCrabHats · 3 points · Posted at 20:44:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I did die, but when the valkyrie came to take me to Tiger Valhalla I punched her in the mouth and ran away. Then I moved to a different town, dyed myself black, and created a new fake identity for myself as a panther.
tufeomadre24 · 2 points · Posted at 18:51:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Don't be fooled guys, I'm the Tigers dad. Totally got his shit kicked in.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:53:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
r/quityourbullshit
Malakai_Abyss · 1 points · Posted at 22:46:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
And he cheated, using Bear hands! I would know, I set it up for them.
SubatomicCake · 1 points · Posted at 23:54:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Can confirm, am other tiger.
accdodson · 1 points · Posted at 03:02:55 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hey its me ur tiger
DistantWaves · 1 points · Posted at 14:59:36 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
hey its me ur tiger
GodOfPlutonium · 3 points · Posted at 15:10:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
yea well, you havent lived till youve done it with both hands tied behind your back, using nothing but your penis
rubber_hedgehog · 2 points · Posted at 13:22:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I killed two tigers with my bear hands.
samme79 · 2 points · Posted at 14:08:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Please. I kill tigers just by looking at them
JunDoRahhe · 2 points · Posted at 15:01:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I don't even have to look at mine
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 14:31:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah, Well I once stared a full grown tiger to death.
AntiGravityBacon · 4 points · Posted at 15:26:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Weak, I stared at one and it tamed it. Now he rides on my shoulder like a parrot. Also, he can talk but only in Sumerian.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 15:33:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well the only reason I stared it to death and do what you did was because I had a pet Rhino at the time and they wouldn't of gotten along.
Rhiny gets jealous.
AntiGravityBacon · 2 points · Posted at 16:09:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
If you can ride a rhino, with a pair of shoulder angel Siberian tigers, shirtless while seducing Marilyn Monroe why are you even here?
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 16:23:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My dad invented Reddit, but he was killed by ninja's. So every so often I come here to remember him.
Ninja's sent by the government because he knew some information that he told me but made me promise not to tell anyone, ever, so don't ask what it is.
DreadLordNate · 1 points · Posted at 14:51:58 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh, so that was your dad...
Naturage · 1 points · Posted at 20:38:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm cringing at the amount of missed bear-bare and tiger-pussy puns.
Kraymur · 1 points · Posted at 21:43:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I just headbutted it and then put it in a chokehold.
guy_from_2070 · 1 points · Posted at 22:05:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
i did it with both my hands tied behind my back, blindfolded, and kicked it to death using only my sense of smell!
GurJobD · 1 points · Posted at 22:31:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I ripped off a bear's hands and then used them to kill an army of tigerd
TonyzTone · 1 points · Posted at 23:42:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well, I did it with my bear hands. Yeah, I used two hands but they were bear hands. The real story is how I got those bear hands. I probably shouldn't tell, otherwise I'd have to kill you.
Anyways, one day I was hiking through the Glacier National Park (must see!). It had been 7 days of straight walking since we wanted to make it to the Canadian border before the Northern Lights started. So, we just walked and walked without sleep (the Lights won't wait for you!) and only eating the trail mix in our fanny packs. Anyways, suddenly, we came across a bear. My friend who was in charge of the bear mace pulled it out, and like the idiot he is, sprayed him self in the face. I had to think quick, so I got my charlie horse out and promptly injured the bear so severely, I had no choice to but to put it out of its misery. Again, luckily I had my trusty charlie horse with me.
Now, where did I get that charlie horse? Well, you see, when I traveled to Arabia back in my freshman year of college, I was stranded for 5 days out in the desert after my plane went down due mechanical failure. Disoriented from the explosion, dehydration, and the shock of having seen all my fellow travelers burn to a crisp, I pushed through it all until I cam across an oasis. There, I met a Bedouin procession who took me in. There, they gave me a horse: a tiny, but powerful amulet that they referred to as churlay, which I intentionally call "charlie" since it sounds way cooler.
Now, how did I get on that plane? Well, you see...
MaxDG1013 · 1 points · Posted at 02:21:37 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I did it with three hands.
B0BZB0B · 1 points · Posted at 04:07:21 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
amateur, I tied BOTH my hands behind my back, AND wore a blindfold, AND my legs were ductaped together. Did I mention my uncle works for Nintendo.
myachizero · 5 points · Posted at 13:10:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Heeeey.
You almost had me you cheeky little runt.
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 17:34:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
squints
Ah, alright.
Dia12 · 2 points · Posted at 13:45:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Michael?
YisThatUsernameTaken · 1 points · Posted at 17:08:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Michael?
foreignlander · 1 points · Posted at 17:18:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ohlalá!
Actual_Ronald_Reagan · 1 points · Posted at 17:51:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Big deal. I killed two tigers with my BEAR hands. Know where I got those? A cheetah had them.
ghostpoopftw · 1 points · Posted at 18:02:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Chill out Michael.
CommentCalligraphy · 1 points · Posted at 18:05:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Shut the fuck up, Michael
Gupperz · 1 points · Posted at 20:03:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
you had me going for a second
slashIIIa · 1 points · Posted at 21:25:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I read his story in Jefferson Albert Tibbs' voice.
canarchist · 1 points · Posted at 01:22:45 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
You're supposed to report your uncle when that kind of thing happens.
creatorofcreators · 1 points · Posted at 01:45:23 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wow....the idea of children losing their virginity at that age is really troubling.
VictorySandwich · 9 points · Posted at 13:36:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Kids lying about losing their virginity on holiday in France is a staple of secondary schools here.
floatablepie · 3 points · Posted at 18:53:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Spelling it "Gerg" would add another level to it. Also sounds extra stupid.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 17:36:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Does he do water colors?
Rconwayxiii · 2 points · Posted at 21:10:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
To be fair, I actually did lose my virginity in France on an exchange, when I was 13. Sadly I am an only child so never had to do the bat thing. Or any of the others.
eskamobob1 · 1 points · Posted at 01:38:59 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was gunna say. 13 may be out of the norm, but it isnt unheard of.
CMDR_Elek · 1 points · Posted at 15:22:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Mac from IASIP?
gunnerpad · 1 points · Posted at 16:48:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I also know a George redubbed as a Greg. Even his parents accepted his new name. Although im pretty sure he didnt claim his dad was in a biker gang. Greg was just greg, a bit grubby, ol' Greg, Smegory, or just Smeg for short. Not a bullshitter but was really good at pulling macho lesbians...
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:50:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Really...
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:10:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
hey its me ur greg
SadGhoster87 · 1 points · Posted at 23:18:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The best part
Aarpom · 1 points · Posted at 02:14:28 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
...what's wrong about losing your virginity at 13 in France?
JamJarre · 328 points · Posted at 12:05:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ants got into your food so I had to throw it out. Did they, Steve? Did they?
lizardscum · 18 points · Posted at 16:03:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
fuck you steve
Anouther · 19 points · Posted at 18:23:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's not pathological lying. It's like when I tell the officer, "no, I don't have weed." Your cooking sucks.
HighLarryOus · 1 points · Posted at 22:15:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I think op was implying his lunch got thrown out by Steve
MeowntainMan · 20 points · Posted at 23:03:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I think OP was implying his lunch was eaten by Steve.
JamJarre · 6 points · Posted at 23:07:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You are correct sir.
MeowntainMan · 2 points · Posted at 23:12:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Fuckin' Steve. I just kicked a Steve out of my house a few months ago.
AwkwardRainbow · 1 points · Posted at 23:22:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
STEEVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!1 Angrily pumps fist in the air
jillyszabo · 1 points · Posted at 15:51:08 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
So did my roommate's mom, but last week. It's always Steve!
MeowntainMan · 1 points · Posted at 15:53:18 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Was he dirty, lazy and an overall piece of shit? Fuckin' Steve's.
jillyszabo · 1 points · Posted at 16:05:09 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Maybe not dirty, but definitely lazy and manipulative over her mom. Also flipped out at my roommate's little sister over everything. He needed to go.
TheMeltingSnowman72 · 136 points · Posted at 11:40:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My (now just ex) fiancee
wasis a habitual liar. I've known her since we were 15 (now 40's) and a few years ago we were running a pub.One night after work and she had gone upstairs and I was sitting with staff two of them started asking me about her twin sister. She doesn't have a twin sister. Or a sister.
Or a brother.
krystann · 107 points · Posted at 17:15:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Did they bang her "twin" sister?
Alechilles · 22 points · Posted at 19:50:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You've been downvoted, but this is honestly the implication I got as well.
Nuala_S · 10 points · Posted at 15:34:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Is there a strong corelation between "brother" and "now just ex"?
palacesofparagraphs · 9 points · Posted at 22:44:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I assume she covered up an affair by claiming the guy was her brother.
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 17:19:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
TheMeltingSnowman72 · 12 points · Posted at 17:25:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
We went out for three years then never saw each other for about 22 years and then got back together. I'd kinda hoped she'd changed, but she hadn't.
Tehgumchum · 137 points · Posted at 11:27:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Guy I worked security with, told all sorts of horse shit but the 2 that stand out the most;
He was at a music festival when a group of police officers starting hassling him and his friends to empty there pockets out to check for drugs, the cops had a sniffer dog with them, when he refused to empty his pockets he claimed the officer would sick his dog onto him and he would be sorry. He refused and the officer let the dog go and ordered it to attack him, instead the dog came up to him and licked him affectionately as it turned out it was his dog as a puppy that he had to give away when he joined the army.
Speaking of being in the army, one night him and his army buddies where cruising around the city of Melboure, Australia, in an APC with all the weapons on board, it's was 2 am in the morning and they spotted lights on on the top of floor of an office building. Thinking there was a break in in progress they stormed the building and made it to the top floor only to find a group of cleaners there. When the police arrived, they declared the building under military lockdown and the only person who could rescind that order was the Prime Minister of Australia. They apparently had to wait 8 hours before they were allowed to relinquish control.
siouxftw · 9 points · Posted at 15:18:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Reminds me on a friend of mine who's in the military (in austria), he told me how fun it was to be a passenger in the subway or busses while carrying his machine gun (AUG or Stg 77) in front of his body
I also did the military service and he claimed he was allowed to, yeah no way also, he sayed all people just looked at him, sure nobody would freak out
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 20:52:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
siouxftw · 2 points · Posted at 13:49:23 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sure in countries like Albania or Israel that's no big deal, apparently that's also normal for Switzerland (didn't know) i assumed it would be almost the same in most of Europe but in austria It definitely isn't
Cecil_B_DeMille · 1 points · Posted at 01:04:30 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
In some countries it is perfectly normal for soldiers to carry their weapons around. My example is in Israel all military have to carry their weapons. A lot of times you get soldiers coming back from leave on the bus or train carrying their galil's or other guns it's common enough that no one looks twice. Coming from the US it was a bit of a shock at first but ya get used to it
siouxftw · 1 points · Posted at 13:52:11 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sure in some countries it's totally normal as it seems you aren't allowed to do that in the states either, in austria there would be a huge panic
Often enough people will call the police if they see someone carrying a pistol in a holster because they panic or whatever, then the police comes and checks if he has the license and tells him to hide it better so nobody can see it
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 14:06:49 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
siouxftw · 1 points · Posted at 14:35:07 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Uhm yes as mentioned I did the 6 month military service and 3 friends of mine also work for the military and I talked to them about what he told me and they all said there is now way that happend and how exactly the rules are
Thorasor · 1 points · Posted at 11:45:39 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I don't know about Austria but in Switzerland, we always carry our gun around when we use public transport. That's nothing unusual. It's not absurd to think Austria handles it similar.
siouxftw · 1 points · Posted at 13:46:14 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
You are allowed to do that in Switzerland? Wow, in austria you aren't allowed to carry your gun in your bag using public transport or going to another barrack or anything, just in military vehicles (for us who did 6 months military service) people who are actually in the military are allowed to like have it in a bag in their car, just not visible (not talking about pistols ofc) the lower ranks need also permission to take their gun in a bag
Thorasor · 2 points · Posted at 14:51:15 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yes it's allowed. Normally you have your gun in your home or if you feel uncomfortable, you can store it at a special center, but if you go in for your yearly training, you obvously need your gun. So you see soldiers all the time with their gun. Exceptions are when you are on your weekend leave, then you don't need it, but apart from that everyone has to bring his gun to duty.
ConsultJimMoriarty · 8 points · Posted at 21:43:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I live in Melbourne and that is the most easily disprovable lie I have ever heard.
I mean, it's pretty common knowledge in the rest of the world that we have pretty tight gun control, right? Also that we drive on the opposite side of the road, so an APC would have the wheel on the wrong side? And that declaring 'military control' would be considered an act of war?
What a fucking dipshit.
What a stupid fucking lie!
lowdownporto · 4 points · Posted at 03:40:48 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
wait the australian army? Or is he claiming they technically invaded australia by taking over an office building because they saw a light on? Why the fuck would the army be doing security for an office building? That guy is a terrible liar.
ioncehadalife · 4 points · Posted at 23:56:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
just casually cruising the city of Melbourne in an APC....Yep. Seems legit already.....
On a similar note, I remember an acquaintance I went to school with who's now a chopper pilot in the army claiming he'd flown in formation with a chopper that the PM (Gillard at the time) was riding in, and that all the pilots were just casually joking over the radio about how funny it'd be if one of them shot the PM down.
*edit: somehow wrote 'polite' instead of 'pilot'
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 02:46:36 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ok, it wouldn't have been so bad.
p3ng1 · 2 points · Posted at 02:01:44 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
It probably took so long because they had to figure out who the current prime minister was
Macinsocks · 1 points · Posted at 07:13:27 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy I worked security with had a lot of bullshit stories from his short lived army days.
NostalgiaJunkie · 1 points · Posted at 13:40:17 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
2 am in the mornin'
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:43:06 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
Tehgumchum · 1 points · Posted at 15:53:57 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sadly, I wish I did
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 02:49:39 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I wish that shit happened here :(
Derick525 · 65 points · Posted at 13:59:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This kid i went to high school with was a compulsive liar. There are a few stories he's shared with us, but there's one that stands out from all the rest. He told the whole class that his father was the president of Alaska in the 90s.
President of Alaska
The_Noobiest_Noob · 9 points · Posted at 22:31:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh yeah? Well, my father is the prime minister of the US! My mom is the supreme leader of the galaxy!
Unthinkable-Thought · 472 points · Posted at 10:14:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know a guy that lies constantly, He even draws disability based on lies. Anyways, the biggest lie is that in 2008 when the economy crashed he says he went to Alaska and worked on a fishing boat. Worked 14 hour days and yada yada yada.
Some of his other lies are also derived from TV shows. He tells stories about crimes that happened, but I have also watched CSI:NY.
His tales of love are usually derived from the show Friends.
StaleTheBread · 384 points · Posted at 11:53:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"Frank you're confusing yourself with Rambo again."
DaddyRocka · 186 points · Posted at 13:53:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is not the first time you have described your life through the events of John Rambo
LadyEmry · 162 points · Posted at 14:55:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
THEY DREW FIRST BLOOD.
bartman2326 · 30 points · Posted at 16:33:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
".....Hey, that's pretty good, is that... is that Rambo?"
JComposer84 · 4 points · Posted at 21:09:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
i recorded that clip and wanted to use it as an intro to a death metal song of some type. never worked out, but it sure would work well in that context.
hamelemental2 · 3 points · Posted at 00:13:03 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's a great idea. Especially if you took one of the later times he says it, where he gets really gross and spitty.
JComposer84 · 2 points · Posted at 15:07:55 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
yeah, that was the one! I think he was under the bridge when he said it.
CMDR_Elek · 16 points · Posted at 15:24:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"No, that was me!"
cantlearnham · 91 points · Posted at 10:31:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know this same guy! His name is Chip, he installed my cable! We were friends for a while until he turned out to be a real creep. I found out he was lying about working for the cable company and his name wasn't even Chip. Real name was Jim something. He's an actor. He was in Cable Guy with Ben stiller.
Unthinkable-Thought · 8 points · Posted at 10:32:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wait? Did this same thing happen in a movie? This guy is my grandfather's first cousin.
scamlikenewton · 7 points · Posted at 11:52:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You get your ass online and watch The Cable Guy right now. I SAID RIGHT NOW DAMMIT!!!!
ImNotAnyoneSpecial · 1 points · Posted at 11:29:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ben Stiller was in Cable Guy?
cantlearnham · 4 points · Posted at 11:32:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh yea, ha oops. He directed it. He is in it too but I forgot he's not the star.
ImNotAnyoneSpecial · 1 points · Posted at 11:45:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Who does he play? I can't remember seeing him
aflockofseacows · 4 points · Posted at 12:01:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He plays the killer on tv. The big case that was going on in the background of the movie.
ImNotAnyoneSpecial · 6 points · Posted at 12:10:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Right right. He killed his twin brother and thwy starred in that sitcom. It's all coming back now
cantlearnham · 7 points · Posted at 12:56:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He was framed by an Asian gang or something. He saw one guy who looked Asian. And he was speaking another language. I think it was Asian.
rob311 · 3 points · Posted at 13:34:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
The story of Sam and Stan Sweet, "Brother sweet Brother" starring Eric Roberts
ImNotAnyoneSpecial · 2 points · Posted at 13:51:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There you go
BlooFlea · 1 points · Posted at 13:37:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Spoiler alert amarite? Jeez what an inconsiderate jerk.
Halawala · 1 points · Posted at 15:05:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ben stiller was in cable guy? I thought it was Mathew broaddick
eskaza · 1 points · Posted at 07:54:19 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Matthew Broderick?
itsfoine · 6 points · Posted at 12:14:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There was a kid in high school like that. One Monday he told us of this sick weekend he had when going out for a late night snack. After he told the story we were like, " Rob, isn't that the plot of Harold and Kumar?"
He insisted he never saw the movie but he pretty much described the whole thing except for meeting Neil Patrick Harris
Unthinkable-Thought · 1 points · Posted at 12:44:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well he's probably had a hard life. Going to Gitmo and all.
Iapetun · 8 points · Posted at 10:35:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Has anyone that's caught on ever confronted him about it? He can't just take stories from TV shows without thinking others aren't going to notice...
Unthinkable-Thought · 24 points · Posted at 10:47:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have. I dismissed his stories in front of his niece. She seemed to agree that I was right.
One particular story was about a judge charging people an illegal fee. Guy refuses to pay it and the judge writes him a letter saying he is the first one to catch it in 50 years. I called BULLSHIT. No judge is going to admit to 50 years of crimes. No judge is going to tell someone they ripped off every single person that ever came before them.
willun · 5 points · Posted at 13:03:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
How old was this judge that had been a judge for 50 years....
_megitsune_ · 2 points · Posted at 12:53:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Rookie mistake.
You never hint at there being evidence like that to back up a lie.
The whole thing crumbles when you get asked for the letter. Guys a shitty habitual liar.
jfuentealba · 1 points · Posted at 14:26:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I sometimes feel shitty because I made the effort of learning how to lie.
_megitsune_ · 1 points · Posted at 14:45:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A good lie is useful sometimes.
Depends on the situation
mini_eggs · 3 points · Posted at 13:25:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Working on a commercial fishing boat isn't that far fetched
Unthinkable-Thought · 1 points · Posted at 19:32:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
See I don't believe it because he has also claimed he was bouncer at a titty-bar (same time period)
But that can't be true either because he wasn't working, he was entering a $300 poker tournament every week. To stay afloat.
InterestNews · 3 points · Posted at 16:07:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So, when I was backpacking in eastern Europe...
hangman401 · 3 points · Posted at 17:22:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
If he really does draw disability based on his lies, then that's fraud. That's the sort of thing that if found out, he'd be in quite a bit of trouble. I really like when karma hits pathological liars, so I hope someone reports him.
h1h2h3h4h5 · 1 points · Posted at 15:51:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
tbf i have accidentally told CSI storylines as fact before.
gnorty · 1 points · Posted at 17:01:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This really doesn't sound that outrageous, though. I don't know the guy, and it might well be bulshit, but it is entirely feasible
Alexstarfire · 1 points · Posted at 18:11:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was wondering that myself. Sounds believable.
WolfJagerDorf · 1 points · Posted at 19:04:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Did he happen to be on a break with a girl named Rachel?
Unthinkable-Thought · 1 points · Posted at 21:42:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Okay. So funny thing about his ex girlfriend. It's not Rachel but it's Leeta.
I didn't know she was fake for a long time.
Then one day I found out there was a character on Deep Space 9 named Leeta.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:06:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
His biggest lie was that he worked on a fishing boat?
I mean it is one of the most common professions out there. And, Alaska is home to many of the biggest fisheries on the planet. What is so unlikely about this "lie"?
Unthinkable-Thought · 1 points · Posted at 21:25:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It didn't happen I can promise you. He worked as a cardboard crusher.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:29:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Alright...but OP was asking what is the most ridiculous story someone told you.
If a friend lied about working for the postal service or at a poultry plant for a few months I wouldn't really qualify it as the biggest lie I have ever heard...
Unthinkable-Thought · 1 points · Posted at 21:30:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
We are in a small town. One does not simply go to Alaska and cut up fish.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:43:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
If all you have is a high-school diploma going to Alaska to fish is super common.
It's a billion dollar industry that is dependent on cheap labor power. You know what they lack in Alaska? Cheap labor power.
Just to use myself as an example. I am from a very very small European town...my dad had tons of friends that went to Alaska to fish. Later in life I moved to Wisconsin, a couple of friends I made there went to Alaska to fish. Then, when I moved to Seattle I knew a ton of people that went to fish in Alaska.
Unthinkable-Thought · 1 points · Posted at 21:46:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
But it didn't happen. That's all I can tell you. The point I am making is.....he tells lies based on what he watches on TV.
Poker tournaments. Fishing.
Cheers.
Friends.
Star Trek.
CSI and NCIS.
He does this all the time.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:50:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sure...I get that he lied...it is just that it is not a ridiculous lie. Just look at what other redditors have posted in this thread. Lying about being a fisherman is pretty mild stuff...it is about as "spicy" as lying about being a cardboard crusher...
Unthinkable-Thought · 1 points · Posted at 22:15:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was the 4th person to post this morning. I didn't have to one-up very many people.
symbeeo · 1 points · Posted at 22:12:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Actually, quite a few people do work the fishing boats in Alaska. Dirty stinky work, long hours, etc. They process salmon for the canneries, not so much the fishing part.
WyzeGye · 1 points · Posted at 23:35:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What's so unbelievable about this part? I mean, i figure you know the guy well enough to know if it's a lie, but at face value, it's completely believable.
Unthinkable-Thought · 1 points · Posted at 03:26:59 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He tells believable lies. I think that's the problem. The untrained ear might actually believe him.
WyzeGye · 1 points · Posted at 18:42:29 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ah, okay I gotcha. I can see how that would be especially annoying. I could never trust somebody like that. At least when people are over the top with their tales, it's easy to pick out the fact from fiction.
ArrowRobber · 1 points · Posted at 06:56:36 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Can you not rain on his parade, take a 'funny' video of him carry something heavy his disability shouldn't allow him to do?
Or is your story the lie?! squints
Unthinkable-Thought · 2 points · Posted at 08:51:40 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not me. I will detail.
Okay so he gets to draw because of "bad health"
Bad numbers for blood pressure, cholesterol, heart rate,, etc.
Why does he have bad numbers?
Because he drinks 6 Mountain Dews per day. He eats like a pig.
His doctor told him what to do and he went completely in the opposite direction.
Then he got an attorney to get his disability. It's a corrupt system.
I think he should be ordered to never have another Mountain Dew. But I am a fascist lol.
ArrowRobber · 1 points · Posted at 16:40:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
"Bad numbers" but no demonstrated physical limitations... and this is how you Americans have your health system set up? o.o
Unthinkable-Thought · 2 points · Posted at 20:44:37 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Social Security and Disability can be fought for in the legal system. Doctors and Lawyers do it and get a fee for helping
ArrowRobber · 2 points · Posted at 21:59:14 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know Drs make the call... but letting lawyers in on it is backwards. At least shop around until you find a Dr disreputable enough to sign your form, then when enough crooked patients are on the same crooked Dr the Dr can be targeted & all signed patients can be reviewed (not automatically guilty of fraud). Letting lawyers in on it lets honest Drs carry the weight of crooked patients and then you loose your checks & balances.
Unthinkable-Thought · 1 points · Posted at 22:06:30 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Lawyers get 6000 per case. They do. Look it up. I seen it in some tax literature this year.
ArrowRobber · 1 points · Posted at 22:08:18 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
"This man is sick, because without any medical training, I have a law degree and know these things."
du4ko · 1 points · Posted at 07:28:49 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Is it so unbelievable to work on a fishing boat in Alaska, I have always wanted to try it up, but as I am from Europe it is kinda hard being a developer in Europe while fishing in Alaska :(
RamsesThePigeon · 5112 points · Posted at 10:25:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There's this guy named Michael.
Michael is, as near as anyone can tell, a pathological liar. He's one of those fellows who has to trump everyone's story with one of his own, and somehow, he always winds up being an insanely attractive action hero in them. I've heard Michael talk about how he was "issued access" to a fighter jet at age seventeen, how he once saved the President from some plot or another, and how he had an impromptu threesome with some "very famous celebrity and her sister" in the Sacramento river.
Suffice to say, the guy isn't exactly believable... but perhaps his worst lie was one that took him the entire evening to tell.
In the town where I grew up, there would be a weekly event called "The Chef's Market." Since there wasn't a whole lot else to do in the area, my friends and I would frequently spend our Friday evenings there, wasting what little money we had on slabs of barbecued meat and cups of too-sweet lemonade. On one such occasion, a local party coordinator had set up an inflatable stage of sorts, on which two contestants were encouraged to knock each other off low platforms using weapons that looked rather like enormous Q-tips. It seemed like a lot of fun, so I offered to pay for any of my friends who wanted to spar against me.
"Oh, I can't," Michael chimed in (before anyone else).
"It's okay," I said, "I'll pay for you, if you want." Truth be told, I was hoping he'd decline so that I could pay for one of my other friends to try it with me. Fortunately, that's exactly what happened.
Michael shook his head. "No, I'm very opposed to violence unless it's absolutely necessary."
"This isn't violence," another of my friends said. "It's just fun."
"You guys don't understand," protested Michael. "If I go in that ring with you, I will kill you. I won't have a choice."
A few eye-rolls were passed around the group. "Why is that, Michael?" someone asked.
"It's my training," he said. "Once I get into a combat state, I can't stop until I've killed someone."
Now, Michael was (clearly) not someone that we spent much time around by choice, and none of us were too keen on talking him into an activity that he was clearly afraid of trying. My other friends and I went a few rounds, knocked each other down a few times, and figured we'd head off to find a drink. As soon as we started walking, though, Michael started into the next leg of his story.
"Do you guys know why I have that training?" he asked.
"Because you're a ninja!" someone sarcastically replied.
Michael nodded. "Yes. I was trained in Kung Fu from a very young age, and I got so good that my family got run out of the last town where we lived." Nobody said anything. We certainly didn't ask him to continue... but he did anyway. "They even hatched a plot to try and get me thrown in prison. This girl broke into my house one night and tried to seduce me... but I had a girlfriend, so I turned her away. That's when she went to the police and tried to say that I raped her."
"How terrible," someone muttered.
"Don't encourage him!" hissed someone else.
Michael's voice took on a very grave aspect. "Fortunately, I was friends with the owner of the hospital. He helped me after I accidentally killed my Karate teacher." Someone made a comment about the difference between Karate and Kung Fu, but Michael either didn't hear them or pressed onward anyway. "He tested the girl himself, and he found semen in her vagina... but it wasn't mine... and it wasn't human." He waited for a reaction. When it didn't come, he escalated even further. "That started a rumor that I was a genetically engineered super-soldier, because of how powerful I am. We had to leave town for my parents' safety, because I couldn't always be there to protect them."
Once again, nobody said anything, save for a few murmurs of "Uh-huh." Thankfully, Michael seemed to have exhausted himself for the evening... until he asked one of us to pay for his dinner.
Nobody was surprised when he had a really insane reason for being broke.
TL;DR: A genetically engineered super-soldier had to flee with his parents after being accused of both rape and murder... and that's why he needs you to buy his burrito.
HumansRcreepy · 954 points · Posted at 11:45:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Plot Twist- RamsesThePigeon is the REAL pathological liar and he made this whole story up :0
RamsesThePigeon · 510 points · Posted at 12:18:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm flattered that you think I could.
To be honest, there were times when I envied Michael's apparent creativity. If the fellow had decided to pursue fiction-writing as a career, he'd have become the next Stephen King.
[deleted] · 427 points · Posted at 12:43:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
BlooFlea · 194 points · Posted at 13:21:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Im in on this, the way it was written was more of a story than a memory.
81-84-88-89-94 · 21 points · Posted at 01:45:02 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
In 26 years I've never met someone who told true stories like this lol
dabosweeney · 34 points · Posted at 14:07:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
All of his posts are like that. It's just shitty prose. It's not true.
RamsesThePigeon · 49 points · Posted at 14:12:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You're awfully keen on claiming that I'm making things up, seeing as this is the third comment in which you've done so.
Again: My first-person stories are true. Hell, there's even someone else in this thread who recognized the setting I described.
robert0543210 · 63 points · Posted at 14:49:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I really fucking hate this trend of /r/thathappened on reddit. Just move on if you don't believe it, why do they have to argue to the death that some story may or may not be true?
RamsesThePigeon · 85 points · Posted at 14:53:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
In fairness to the folks calling me out, I do post rather more frequently than many people, and I have a habit of being pretty long-winded. When combined with the fact that I can spin just about any mundane occurrence into a story, I probably start to seem a bit disingenuous.
At the same time, though, it makes me sad that well-written anecdotes are immediately dismissed as fiction. I'm not even worried about my own work in that regard (as I said, I'm happy to offer proof of my stories); I'm disappointed that we've come to expect typos and misspellings as being marks of truth.
[deleted] · 31 points · Posted at 15:38:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
RamsesThePigeon · 7 points · Posted at 15:45:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Thank you! As long as even one person is entertained, I'm happy... and I'm flattered that I can offer some of that happiness to you, too!
outerdrive313 · 4 points · Posted at 19:38:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You do the exact same for me, bro. You're one of my favorite non-GW posters on reddit.
catglass · 8 points · Posted at 19:26:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I think it's the way you lay them out, but being able to tell a cohesive, crafted story based on real experiences is a great skill that I'd love to have. I think people also expect it to have the cadence and rhythm of speech, but we're not speaking, so I'm not sure why it's weird for you to lay out a thoughtfully-crafted narrative.
Utming · 17 points · Posted at 16:14:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I dont understand the argument of "You have stories for all the threads you comment on". Why would you comment had you not had a story?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 04:25:40 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I comment on shit I've got nothing to say about all the time.
Utming · 2 points · Posted at 04:43:25 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
If you comment on something... you have something to say about it...
clicktoaddtitle · 2 points · Posted at 22:23:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Whether they're true or not, your comments are always super enjoyable and I really appreciate you for that.
Megapumped · 2 points · Posted at 02:23:57 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I believe you ramses, Your theme music is awesome and if they heard it they would think you're awesome too!
DigiDuncan · 2 points · Posted at 05:20:15 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Don't worry, Ramses. I believe your stories, and love the way you write. You really can turn a mundane situation (I have a friend we didn't quite like who lies a lot.) into a fun and well-written anecdote!
RivenAlyx · 2 points · Posted at 20:19:50 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
well if it makes you feel any better, my ingrained reaction to seeing your name above a block of text is this, so keep it up x
Splinter1010 · 3 points · Posted at 04:19:09 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's not spelling and grammar. It's that everybody on Reddit has such boring fucking lives that they can't believe when something interesting happens to somebody else. You could have had this on video and some asshole would have questioned it.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 16:47:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
RamsesThePigeon · 7 points · Posted at 19:28:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
If you can come up with something I can offer you that wouldn't compromise Michael's privacy, have at it. I'll also make the same offer I did elsewhere in the thread: Feel free to find any one of my stories in my submission history that only includes me, and that you think I should be able to prove. I will then prove it to you. There are no limitations or caveats (other than the privacy one).
Dis_Illusion · 1 points · Posted at 10:06:51 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Lol that's kinda conceited.
theniceguytroll · 1 points · Posted at 21:21:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well you are the guy who fought the Loch Ness monster with a giant spoon, so I don't know how anybody could possibly doubt anything you say.
RamsesThePigeon · 3 points · Posted at 00:01:08 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
There was even photographic evidence of that one!
In all seriousness, I'd like to think that the line between fiction and fact is pretty damned evident, but apparently it's too much to expect people to find it on their own.
wund3r · -1 points · Posted at 00:05:20 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hey bro...people can tell when you're kissing your own ass. Your story is manufactured and everyone can hear your pompous fucking cadence as they read it. If you speak in the same way that you write, you're probably severely disliked amongst your peers. Join me.... I'll show you how to shitpost like a god.
RamsesThePigeon · 4 points · Posted at 00:06:59 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sorry, but the only downvote troll I support is /u/DW-Im-Here.
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 19:18:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Right? It was entertaining. Why get hung up on whether it's 100% true?
I, too, embellish my true stories a bit for effect. They still happened, but some of the ambience detail;s may be exaggerated. It's a story telling tactic.
JesusSeaWarrior · 2 points · Posted at 19:46:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's kind of ironic in a thread like this. Lying about a story in a thread about liars. :P
dontcallmebrobro · 1 points · Posted at 02:00:47 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
"Well, I'm on the phone with Bob, and I realize right then and there that I need to return this pair of pants. So, I'm off to the store."
charlesthechuck · 0 points · Posted at 00:10:16 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Thats what they do though.They leave a "r/that happened" comment and move on to the next post .The OP gets furious that his bs didn't succeed.Stupid fucks that believed him,get angry as well.And it ends with comments like these
zoro_the_copy_ninja · 6 points · Posted at 02:59:56 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
You get out a lot for a famous redditor.
RamsesThePigeon · 2 points · Posted at 03:21:12 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Just wait until I get the chance to talk about my cross-country move, which I only just finished two days ago.
zoro_the_copy_ninja · 3 points · Posted at 03:40:29 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm excited.
Try_Less · 7 points · Posted at 20:49:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
To be fair, your hometown being a real place does little to validate the story.
precisionclear · 2 points · Posted at 04:16:06 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've known a pathological lair before, as you said they are very clever with extreme grandiose and the story just keeps getting crazy every day. The guy I know lost the love of his life in "a great war down in vietnam", she died in his arms. He was a "psy-soldier elite" and had to escape from the jungle. Also kept a wide range of performance enhancing chemicals on hand with his own underground laboratory...(We were playing a lot of Red Alert at the time.)
He could talk about this all day long in SUPER DETAIL without thinking about it in advance.
DEUK_96 · 1 points · Posted at 03:11:16 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Tbh I don't know why people even care if it's true or not. Even if you made this all up I found it entertaining and a good story/anecdote and worthy of being read.
midnightpatches · 2 points · Posted at 22:25:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That is how one knows they're a good writer, my friend
Allikuja · 2 points · Posted at 02:48:47 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's almost as if some people are good at taking amusing memories and retelling them as even more amusing stories
PM_TIT_PICS · 2 points · Posted at 08:05:21 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ever think that's his writing style?
BlooFlea · 0 points · Posted at 09:52:58 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I did and decided im going to completely ruin someones life today, so i said what i said.
shayluhhh · 3 points · Posted at 20:52:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Muttered. Hissed. Yeaaaah. I'm not exactly believing it either. Lots of revision.
Crocodilefan · 233 points · Posted at 13:08:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well he wouldn't post if he didn't, that'd just be poor redditquette
Kanabuss · 4 points · Posted at 17:20:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Found Stephen King's reddit account.
Crocodilefan · 4 points · Posted at 17:35:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Shhh ;)
RamsesThePigeon · 26 points · Posted at 13:31:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's more the result of the Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon than anything else. I'm certainly around a lot, but the combination of my memorable name, my writing style, and my tendency to turn mundane memories into comical stories makes me seem like I show up more often than I do.
Furthermore, it's not hard to find a tangent to make just about anything relevant, provided that you're willing to look at the right details.
JackFlynt · 38 points · Posted at 13:47:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Now, watch closely as the wild Ramses Pigeon deftly dodges dangerous conspirators with its skills of perfectly reasoned explanations, once again guiding them softly away from the truth; the Pigeon's Nest, decorated with the bodies of the countless souls whose memories and lives it has consumed to fuel its hunt for Internet Points.
Big fan
small words
TinManOz · 3 points · Posted at 15:57:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Also I friended you so now you're red
murmanizan · 1 points · Posted at 14:50:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You're too smart to be commenting on reddit all the time
RamsesThePigeon · 4 points · Posted at 14:55:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hah, I appreciate the vote of confidence, but I'm actually a bit of an idiot.
I just write well, which makes me seem more intelligent than I really am.
murmanizan · 2 points · Posted at 15:17:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's a useful skill though, something that's not easily taught. I know IQ tests aren't a formidable test of intelligence but I never underestimate people who can write well.
easymacandspam · 3 points · Posted at 16:42:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Any time a story is well written with perfect descriptive details. I just assume it's made up.
RendrDeath · 2 points · Posted at 19:23:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"descriptive details"
zue3 · 2 points · Posted at 15:42:42 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah, both ramses and Edgar always have a relevant, interesting story. Question is, why would two people with such seemingly interesting lives spend them on reddit?
I don't believe anything these two write anymore, but at least they're entertaining.
Misdirected_Colors · 3 points · Posted at 18:02:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yea, he always seems to have these super interesting detailed stories relevant to just about every thread. Either /u/RamsesThePigeon is literally the most interesting man and/or woman in the world, or they're a pathological liar that happens to be a great story-teller...
RamsesThePigeon · 13 points · Posted at 19:23:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You forgot the third option:
I can take otherwise mundane events and make them seem interesting.
beepbeepitsajeep · 5 points · Posted at 12:33:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
As in he'd never be able to tie up all those threads to anyone's satisfaction at the end of his books?
kroxigor01 · 1 points · Posted at 02:50:35 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Next GRRM
deneme321 · 3 points · Posted at 17:02:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
People like him would probably make an overpowered character as a self insertion and it would fuck up the story.
abledouse · 2 points · Posted at 18:16:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I think he could write a good Steven Segal film but that's as far as I'd go.
supershinythings · 2 points · Posted at 05:45:09 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
For Michael, it would definitely be non-fiction, otherwise he'd be admitting that none of it was true.
My ex-boyfriend in high school told me the whopper that his father worked for the CIA and killed seven men at once. He said his father was also well connected to the mafia and was an illegitimate son of Joseph Bonanno. There is a passing resemblance, but nothing I'd consider eerie.
I had a hard time buying the whole Bonanno story because his grandmother who supposedly had relations with Joseph Bonanno was from Northern Italy (Lucca) and was VERY snobby about it. She woudn't have been caught dead talking to anyone from south of Florence, much less Sicily.
He also told me once that the reason he stood me up was because a member of the Getty family had invited him aboard their private jet. He said no, but he gave the woman a ride to the airport. He says he watched her get into the spendy jet, and that he had rescued her from some misfortune (mugging? Can't remember anymore...). It was such a farfetched lie I just hung up.
SadGhoster87 · 1 points · Posted at 23:20:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
We have access to your entire post history
mitchyslick8 · 1 points · Posted at 02:41:31 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I feel like this is something a pathological liar would say in order to, in their mind at least, throw you off by adding the unnecessary bit to make it seem more believable.
intensely_human · 1 points · Posted at 14:56:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted] · -8 points · Posted at 15:34:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
RamsesThePigeon · 10 points · Posted at 15:39:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Why is that a problem?
Always? Really? I have maybe one successful post a day if I really devote myself to it, but I'm memorable enough that it seems like I'm around more often than is the case. (Having a name like "RamsesThePigeon" tends to make one stand out.)
I didn't. He just hung around. I've explained that elsewhere in the thread.
Again, why is that a problem? I'm frankly bothered by the fact that typos, misspellings, and grammar errors are not only acceptable, but apparently encouraged if one is to be believed online.
Yes, that is the point of the thread.
I'm speaking factually - albeit in a stylized manner - about someone I knew. I haven't spoken to the fellow in years, and you've already hit on the reason why.
Koupers · 2 points · Posted at 14:37:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In which case he has successfully whored out for Karma and won. good on him.
Naztynaz12 · 1 points · Posted at 18:18:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I actually think you're right. Why would the friends chime in in turns, and why keep him around then. Sounds like fictional novel writing
GottaGetItPutItInYou · 1 points · Posted at 18:59:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yea that reads like it's fake as fuck. Who speaks like that
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 19:23:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I actually wonder how many stories in here are actually lies.
Hautamaki · 1 points · Posted at 01:18:54 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have a feeling that's what this whole thread is lol but who cares.
avenlanzer · 1 points · Posted at 18:43:33 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well if you've ever read his other posts you might suspect now that his name is Michael.
brettmurf · 1 points · Posted at 14:11:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/4obesf/time_travelers_of_reddit_what_do_we_need_to_worry/d4b7dr7
You're right.
RamsesThePigeon · 4 points · Posted at 14:24:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
From another comment:
Congratulations! You found one!
dabosweeney · -2 points · Posted at 14:07:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Most of his posts are bullshit
RamsesThePigeon · 3 points · Posted at 14:09:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Wrong.
If I tell a story in the first person, it's true. I'm also happy to provide proof whenever I have it, provided that doing so wouldn't compromise someone else's privacy.
There have been three exceptions in the entire time that I've been on Reddit, and two of them should have been pretty damned obvious as being fiction.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 15:57:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Nearly Departed was fact, right?
RamsesThePigeon · 2 points · Posted at 16:12:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hah, no... although the San Francisco Ghost Tour featured in the book was based in fact, and the fellow who offered it is a real person.
[deleted] · 328 points · Posted at 13:19:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It would be awesome if just then a helicopter landed and Obama jumped out and was like "oh my god there you are! The generals need you Michael!" And they flew off
Boloar · 265 points · Posted at 16:06:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
... Taking the neighbor's dog who is also called Michael and is actually none other than HYPNODOG ALL HAIL HYPNODOG
echoesguitar91 · 10 points · Posted at 17:53:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The pilot's name? Albert Einstein.
paescu · 1 points · Posted at 23:38:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
he was wicked smaht
djhcar · 10 points · Posted at 18:15:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This got meta
sassybadassy · 6 points · Posted at 20:31:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
2meta2fast
KyotoGaijin · 1 points · Posted at 23:00:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
THREAT LEVEL MIDNIGHT
goddoll · 108 points · Posted at 10:49:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I think I've met this variant of Michael a few times in my life. The phrase 'every third Mike should be shot' comes to mind.
[deleted] · 73 points · Posted at 12:02:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Kinda crazy, cuz the guy I know like this is also named mike. He had this whole thing a couple years ago, as I'm letting him stay on my couch. He claims he gave his mom a kidney during this time. I believe that his mom was sick, reason for apparently giving the kidney. However, he "recovered" quickly, was back at my place the day after surgery with no meds, wouldn't show me the cut. I just don't know why he would make such a thing up. But hey that's mike.
chooseausername1117 · 3 points · Posted at 13:24:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I work with a Mike that says blatantly ridiculous lies like this too.
Baron_von_chknpants · 6 points · Posted at 13:38:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know two good Mikes (one is my husband) so you must be the owner of the third shitty one.
My condolences
Youcanneverleave · 21 points · Posted at 14:05:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Maybe more people need to do their Mike checks
downhereforyoursoul · 11 points · Posted at 14:47:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Man, I hear that.
ScaryBananaMan · 2 points · Posted at 18:37:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He just has a remarkable healing factor, the scars healed so quickly it would've been both pointless to show you but also made you aware of his super - human abilities. It's for your own safety, really.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:47:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Lol right. Except the kid is the biggest pussy ever. I feel bad for his parents dude lies to them all the time to get cash. He's like 31 and has never really had a job. It's sad.
ScaryBananaMan · 1 points · Posted at 12:05:25 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Damn, that must be difficult for everyone involved - both him but especially his parents and family, you know?
catglass · 1 points · Posted at 19:28:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Lies like this are so weird. No apparent gain. Doesn't even make you seem cooler or anything. You just...needed a kidney? Alright.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 19:35:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He said he gave his kidney to his mom. I'm not saying his mom wasn't sick cuz he definitely was upset about something. But don't think he really gave a kidney.
goddoll · 1 points · Posted at 20:13:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah, they all seem to be the special one.. At least he didn't try to tell you he was the biblical archangel.
IrrationalFraction · 1 points · Posted at 20:31:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The mike I knew thought he was Eminem
emmster · 1 points · Posted at 23:30:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The Lyin' Mike I knew said he was ex-special forces. And color blind.
These things are mutually exclusive. I'm more inclined to believe the color blindness, but honestly, not by much.
It was pretty cool when he started saying something else I don't remember that was unusual about himself, and one of the other guys told him "No, you're not. You're a standard average dude. Shut the fuck up."
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 12:04:18 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Lol that's awesome. The mike I know also claims to be color blind. I believe him about that tho. He's almost ran multiple red lights cuz he claimed they looked green
Kaelaface · 1 points · Posted at 01:00:54 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
The one I know is named Michael too!!!
seeasea · 5 points · Posted at 14:30:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know a similar Michael. He got drunk once, and started attacking a friend (also Michael), after everyone pulled him off, he started bawling on his knees begging for forgiveness, and that he was trained by the government to kill in 30 seconds
goddoll · 1 points · Posted at 20:09:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The Mike equation trying to work itself out.
Koupers · 3 points · Posted at 14:36:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Guy I was best friends with in junior high/high school was like this. We'd call him a chronological liar, because he has to tell so many lies per hour or the world would burst. The funny thing is, dude's actually led a pretty incredible life, he's been through a lot of crazy shit that I've witnessed myself, he just can't go without adding to it. I was with him, someone tried to hold us up at a gas station with a knife, this buddy of mine had a concealed carry, drew his gun and chased the kid off. When it comes time to tell other people, this kid had two sawed-off shotguns....
goddoll · 1 points · Posted at 20:00:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A double barrel sawed off shotgun. No, he had two of them, because a concealed shotgun needs to take up more space.
Koupers · 2 points · Posted at 20:11:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yep.
Another time, one of his closest friends was stabbed in the face by a skinhead, somehow, it turned into my buddy was the one who was stabbed in the face.....
Eventually all of his stories were no longer his, they where everyone elses with him as the new hero or victim. He started to pretend he was me and then shit got creepy and now we aren't friends....
goddoll · 1 points · Posted at 20:14:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Probably best to stay on this side of reality. You're better off.
Koupers · 2 points · Posted at 22:07:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh I'm much better off. It hit a point where he was legit trying to replace me with everyone. Pretty sure if I didn't separate that friendship I'd be a lamp or skin suit by now.
downhereforyoursoul · 2 points · Posted at 14:46:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wow, never heard this before. I know exactly three Mikes, and while I generally don't advocate violence, it wouldn't exactly be a loss to society if one of them bit it.
goddoll · 1 points · Posted at 19:51:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Weird. It's usually the Mikes who say it so as to make them less likely candidates for being the third Mike.
popemichael · 2 points · Posted at 15:04:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm glad I ninja flipped the gun at of the hands of the "Michael Murderer"
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 19:08:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Me too, except it was a girl and her name was Andrea. In middle school she liked to tell a story about how she got into a gang fight and was stabbed 4 times in the stomach. But she had no scars because her friend is an excellent plastic surgeon. We were in 6th grade! There are so many other weird things she did and said. Last I heard she's pregnant now and in a happy relationship, so that's good.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 20:28:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
goddoll · 2 points · Posted at 20:37:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Mark, Mike, and Matt walk into a bar...
Metalmorphosis · 2 points · Posted at 21:16:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A friend of mine has a boyfriend named Mike. He is cool to hang out with about 2/3 of the time. The other 1/3 he either gets pervy with everyone in the group or starts saying weird racist shit.
goddoll · 1 points · Posted at 21:56:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's a much better ratio than most. Though, I've known ones that never say weird pervy shit at all. Those are the best, and usually the ones with a pseudonym. The really cool one I know has a couple: demon keeper, and culdren of death. He is exempt of most Mike problems. Even his topper stories are fun.
IndignantTortoise · 2 points · Posted at 01:57:12 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Thanks for that phrase 😊
My brother in law is named Michael, and is a bugfuck crazy compulsive liar . Like Nothing makes sense.
But somehow it all ends with an irish wolfhound. No matter the story or subject.
But he's got an excuse. He's a blithering idiot.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 02:50:42 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yep, this checks out.
Source: Deadbeat dad's name.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 04:35:47 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
goddoll · 2 points · Posted at 05:03:52 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Poor, sad, lumpy Mike. Situations like that make me wish I had a therapist on speed dial.
VixR · 2 points · Posted at 06:41:03 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wow, a bit of a pattern forming here, eh? I also know a pathological liar called Michael!
Feel a little bad for all the non-compulsive liars called Mike now.
goddoll · 1 points · Posted at 13:13:02 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
They usually carry pseudonyms. Though, arguably, a lie in and of itself. It's a utilitarian lie, where one lie offsets several thousand.
Flyberius · 149 points · Posted at 12:43:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Back when I was around 12-14 years old my best mate once related to us a story of how a squad of SAS burst through his front door and asked for his help in hunting down a werewolf. I mean, I don't know where these people get it but they are so self deluded that I think they actually believe these things have happened.
He's still my bestest buddy 15 or so years later and thankfully he doesn't lie so much. He still bullshits about stuff though. He likes to be the person who has an in depth knowledge about everything. Even though he clearly doesn't. It gets particularly frustrating when he's talking about something you have intricate knowledge of because if you call him on it he will literally just talk over you to assert his "intellectual dominance".
Good lord.
[deleted] · 65 points · Posted at 14:45:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have a friend who told some pretty wild stories. Later in life, we were reminded of that and he explained it this way:
More or less a quote: I didn't mean to lie, really. Like many/most kids, I'd fantasize about being a hero, being impossibly strong or whatever. Then, I would recall one of those scenarios, think about it some more...and some more. Eventually, I'd thought about it so much, played it over and over in my mind so often that it actually became real to me.
Aior · 3 points · Posted at 18:37:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's how it was for me.
Kromgar · 2 points · Posted at 19:58:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
How do i know your not lying mike?
[deleted] · 8 points · Posted at 15:20:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I think you're right. There have been studies done showing that whenever you recall a memory, you change it a bit. You remember it a bit differently each time and eventually you often don't remember it correctly at all. So maybe this kid once had someone knock on his door and say "there's a fox on the prowl so be careful. If you see it, let me know," and over time this morphed into the SAS kicking his door down looking for a werewolf.
Pepper-Fox · 1 points · Posted at 18:32:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Southpark did a whole episode on this with cartman taking credit for a joke
clownface23 · 5 points · Posted at 15:38:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have a friend that knows enough buzz words about just about any topic to bullshit his way into sounding like an expert. He uses it as a party trick instead of living his life that way. It was hilarious when he would use his "gift" on someone new to the group and convince them he was a surgeon or something.
FortyFartz · 3 points · Posted at 16:30:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
How did you remain friends? theres no way i could consistently hang out with someon i knew would lie about possibly EVERYTHING, lol. not judging, just curious.
Flyberius · 3 points · Posted at 17:01:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's only when he's around new people. And he's a rock as far as friends go. I could trust him with anything.
CitizenErased3 · 5 points · Posted at 14:03:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Give Dog Soldiers a watch. It's a great movie.
Flyberius · 4 points · Posted at 14:06:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Lol. Are you telling me that's where he got his story? That's brilliant.
HelpMyBabySleep · 2 points · Posted at 00:35:32 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
There is no spoon.
DoctorSalad · 2 points · Posted at 06:35:35 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wait so you're claiming the San Antonio Spurs have never busted through your door to ask for help hunting a werewolf? Who's the liar now?
hallykatyberryperry · 1 points · Posted at 19:30:53 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yes!!!!!!!
looktatmyname · 1 points · Posted at 17:15:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When I meet people like that I just give them so much shit that they just leave(or try to start a fight).
Hairy_Juan · 1 points · Posted at 18:39:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I just tell insane lies of my own
Wnmodsuc · 1 points · Posted at 19:45:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah, I remember being on that SAS team 15 years ago. I had just made it through selection and it was my first paranormal mission. Needless to say I caught the werewolf myself. I got my first VC for that.
Flyberius · 1 points · Posted at 22:36:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Was the werewolf your old partner?
Wnmodsuc · 1 points · Posted at 19:05:03 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
No, that was just a harmless guy. I'm the werewolf.
ShamelessDistraction · 1 points · Posted at 19:54:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I saw a movie about that SAS thing, actually.
ScroticS · 1 points · Posted at 20:30:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He got it from the (2002) film "Dog Soldiers". Yeah, great flick.
Chortling_Chemist · 1 points · Posted at 22:20:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The werewolf bit is just the plot of "Dog Soldiers".
McCl3lland · 1 points · Posted at 23:07:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Probably had just finished watching Dog Soldiers. Best werewolf movie ever!
columbus8myhw · 28 points · Posted at 12:14:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hey, Vsauce.
HitlerWasVeryCool · 35 points · Posted at 12:31:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What if everything I've heard from Vsauce is a Michael lie...
BoxBopChallenge · 6 points · Posted at 16:44:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hey Vsauce, Michael here...or am I? In 2012, researcher Obadiah Hutchinson found that dogs
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 15:19:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
1 duck, 2 duck, Blue duck, Red duck
JunDoRahhe · 1 points · Posted at 14:57:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What if Vsauce is Michael
you_got_fragged · 3 points · Posted at 12:51:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Michael here
ma2016 · 3 points · Posted at 17:01:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Zuko here!
gliscor885 · 2 points · Posted at 17:03:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Avatar Kyoshi here!
ma2016 · 1 points · Posted at 17:11:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Lol I always forget about that part
usa-is-shit · 50 points · Posted at 11:59:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What does he look like physically? I imagine a bearded, sloppy, overweight basement-dweller.
RamsesThePigeon · 94 points · Posted at 12:01:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You got two out of three descriptors right. He did not have a beard, though.
Folly_Inc · 94 points · Posted at 13:52:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I bet he couldn't grow a decent beard. its the super solder genetics.
kjata · 2 points · Posted at 20:09:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Didn't you know? Every supersoldier develops a chiseled jaw and a rugged perma-stubble that has to be removed with a dremel.
froschkonig · 2 points · Posted at 18:18:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Something something joke about solder and not soldier...
steeez40 · 2 points · Posted at 20:06:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I bet he also has a super Flux wife.
060789 · 1 points · Posted at 22:25:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It makes him more aerodynamic
chokingonlego · 7 points · Posted at 14:31:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The fat was to make more room for super soldier organs. Little did he know he was capable of pulling a motorcycle from his belly button.
Sefirot8 · 5 points · Posted at 17:01:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
and some cheetos, a can of monster and some lint
cartmancakes · 3 points · Posted at 15:36:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm picturing Alan from "The Hangover"
zed_zee · 2 points · Posted at 15:06:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Nah, ninjas don't need beards. Just slows them down.
[deleted] · 153 points · Posted at 10:48:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Are Michael and Kevin third cousins?
bobwarth · 24 points · Posted at 14:36:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I think that the entire family is genetically siblings.
[deleted] · 8 points · Posted at 18:02:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Their family tree is a wreath.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 23:09:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Their family has less genetic diversity than an Alabama trailer park.
IrrationalFraction · 3 points · Posted at 20:29:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"My distant great-uncle died in a chainsaw accident but I was saving the First Lady so I didn't have the chance to fly back in my personalized F-15 MegaFighter Jet to save him"
Shytetattoo · 17 points · Posted at 12:21:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Are you Michael?
Shanguerrilla · 5 points · Posted at 15:24:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is like those Labyrinth doors... If /u/RamsesThePigeon says 'yes' then a pathological liar is saying yes... but if he says 'no' then that's exactly what a pathological liar would answer.....
Hmmmm
RamsesThePigeon · 7 points · Posted at 15:29:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Clearly, you just need to ask me if Michael would say that I'm a pathological liar.
Shanguerrilla · 4 points · Posted at 16:37:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Haha. I'm glad you translated the solution to this... Everytime it comes up I understand while reading the explanations and expounding replies on that, then immediately forget the solution later.
LadyEmry · 55 points · Posted at 10:48:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Holy shit, that's hilarious. Got any more good stories about this guy?
RamsesThePigeon · 331 points · Posted at 10:52:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That depends on your definition of "good."
Once, he invited a bunch of people over for a cookout that he was hosting, and he requested that everyone bring something. Now, if it had only been a package of hotdogs or what have you, that would have been fine... but some people were asked to bring things like a tank of propane or an entire grill. Michael also asked everyone to pitch in $10 for something that was never adequately explained. (Most of us were pretty sure that he just pocketed it.)
It was at that cookout that I heard the story of his alleged threesome with the actress and her sister. I also got to hear about how he almost assassinated Osama bin Laden, but that his commanding officer didn't give the order to kill fast enough.
Like I said, the guy is an attractive action hero in his fantasies, which he is not shy about sharing.
baardvark · 99 points · Posted at 13:03:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh god, he's Michael Scarn.
LadyEmry · 60 points · Posted at 10:59:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
If you don't mind me asking, how did you first meet this guy? And are you still friends with him, or have you tried to cut him out since he likes to exaggerate so much?
RamsesThePigeon · 109 points · Posted at 11:57:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
No, I'm not personally still in contact with him, but a few of my friends occasionally have passing encounters.
As for how we met, it was at one of those aforementioned Chef's Markets. A mutual acquaintance introduced him to my group of friends, and he just kind of glommed on to us after that.
I_Answer_Sincerely · 121 points · Posted at 13:08:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ahh. The ol' friend-off
FrostByte122 · 6 points · Posted at 15:39:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Is that a "the league" reference? If so. Dope ref.
I_Answer_Sincerely · 3 points · Posted at 15:53:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yes it was. Love that show
"I fumbled the friend-off"
scousechris · 3 points · Posted at 18:19:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hold my friends pen.... wait a second thats not a switcheroo.
Kenny__Loggins · 2 points · Posted at 18:10:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friends in high school affectionately referred to it as "the ol' scrape maneuver" always followed by miming scraping mud off your shoe onto the nearest solid edge.
T-I-double-guh-ER · 2 points · Posted at 18:38:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Did anyone ever call him out on his shit?
StormRider2407 · 2 points · Posted at 23:58:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm guessing the introduction was something like "Hey guys. This is Michael. BYE!" and he ran off in to the sunset, never to be seen again.
RamsesThePigeon · 2 points · Posted at 23:59:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You're not far off.
Fiennes · 2 points · Posted at 13:00:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Through your re-telling of the Lies of Michael, I have now come to appreciate the word "glom". Thank you, /u/RamsesThePigeon.
sunkzero · 1 points · Posted at 14:54:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Holy shit wouldn't it be odd if it came out that all of Michael's shit was real O_o
chlorinecrown · 24 points · Posted at 11:57:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Pssh, just drop the friend who makes up awesome stories all the time.
Even the mooching is acceptable if it's like... 1$ a story? I want a Michael.
Stinsudamus · 44 points · Posted at 14:01:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I promise to make up tons of shit if you pay for my way.
I could tell you about the time I was trapped in an oasis in the Sahara. I had managed to construct a crude still using my wristwatch and some insect exoskeletons. A local bigshot heard about it, and challenged me for ownership of the oasis.
That's how I got my first harem. You won't believe how I got my fourth.
I accept pay pal.
Real_Adam_Sandler · -4 points · Posted at 20:29:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a Michael when I was much younger.
He told me he could fly into Never Land and that he is secretly Peter Pan.
One day he promised to take me there but I remember getting drunk and waking up with a butt ache
usa-is-shit · 163 points · Posted at 12:00:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You should start /r/michaelstories so we can tune in and read more of his fascinating style of bs.
FortyFartz · 6 points · Posted at 16:34:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh god, i want this more than most things.
himanxk · 1 points · Posted at 00:36:22 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
It would be very similar to /r/storiesaboutkevin
chokingonlego · 7 points · Posted at 14:39:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He reminds me of someone I used to know, but his name wasn't Michael. In case he's on here, let's just call him C. C was a horrible compulsive liar in a similar manner to Michael, in which he believed he was from Germany and that his dad was a mad scientist.
This was in 4th grade, so my whole class wasn't exactly skeptic about it. He'd go about telling people their German names and it'd be complete gibberish. I remember mine was something like Codeikez. He also told us his dad was a scientist who made his drawings and plush animals come alive by stuffing rats guys and cat brains inside them.
And to top it all off, he wore flame button ups, sunglasses, cargo shorts, and he would stuff his underwear full of sand at recess. I'm not talking like a handful, he'd shove a good quart of the stuff in there. It'd look like he was wearing a diaper. There was lots of conflicts when a kid actually from Germany moved to my school, and called him out on his crap.
[deleted] · 4 points · Posted at 13:18:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
But I thought once he entered kill mode he had to take a life?
DaddyRocka · 5 points · Posted at 13:37:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well if you paid attention to further comments, he absolutely murdered the pussy.
AmpedupFit · 2 points · Posted at 19:29:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Jesus Christ man, I just spit coffee all over my laptop. You knock that being witty shit off right now.
DaddyRocka · 1 points · Posted at 20:01:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I promise nothing
Humanimdb1986 · 3 points · Posted at 13:43:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The 10 dollars was to fund his next film
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 15:16:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
If I knew someone like this, I would top everything they said with a similar, but more outrageous story. For example when he said he almost assassinated Osama Bin Laden, I'd say, "Well when I was in the army we had a top-secret time machine. I was sent back in time and almost assassinated Hitler," and crap like that. See if he realises you're making fun of him or not.
gugudan · 1 points · Posted at 14:16:06 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've tried this before. They never pick up that you're making fun of them.
IdlyOverthink · 2 points · Posted at 17:16:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Nobody asked him how he reconciled with the idea that once he's in a combat state, he must kill, but he didn't kill Osama bin Laden due to not receiving an order?
I'd have had tons of fun with this guy trying to get him to story himself into a contradiction.
ItCouldaBeenMe · 2 points · Posted at 01:12:38 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
More stories please?
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 13:11:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
RamsesThePigeon · 8 points · Posted at 13:25:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
He didn't say.
The story itself was a meandering mess of questionable details, but the general gist of things went as follows: Michael had been visiting the Sacramento river for an event that involved traversing several miles via inner tube. Being the shrewd individual that he was, the fellow had opted to bring an inflatable mattress along instead. This proved to be a good decision on his part, because he soon encountered the actress in question - again, he didn't offer her name - and her equally attractive sister... and they had somehow forgotten to bring inner tubes to the river with them.
Michael wasted no time in offering the obvious solution. He invited the two girls to join him on the inflatable mattress, and they made their way downstream shortly thereafter. It was evident from the get-go that both the actress and her sibling found their host to be unbearably attractive, and Michael started worrying that he'd have to choose between them. Then, as if fate had chosen that moment to intervene, their makeshift raft was swept over to a hidden lagoon, where it ran aground in the shallows.
Things get a bit fuzzy at that point, but supposedly, one of the young women spontaneously decided to take her top off. This prompted the other to do the same, after which they encouraged Michael to strip down. One thing led to another, and before long, the three of them were coming together for a passionate romp in the water.
I'm not entirely sure why they didn't just use the inflatable mattress.
Leto_III · 1 points · Posted at 17:50:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
commanding officer ? Have you known him long enough to know if he ever served? I wonder at what he was like WHILE he was in the military.
SketchBoard · 7 points · Posted at 11:17:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I think at this point I would buy the burrito for the entertainment.
[deleted] · 83 points · Posted at 12:20:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[removed]
fatmand00 · 1 points · Posted at 15:11:23 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's a good joke and all, but why post it here?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:46:32 on June 25, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I don't understand it either.
LogMeInCoach · 5 points · Posted at 11:57:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Seems legit
[deleted] · 9 points · Posted at 12:23:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
do you guys not just explain how most of that cant really ever happen or just let him live his fantasy?
RamsesThePigeon · 46 points · Posted at 12:29:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There was really no point in calling him out on anything. Each argument would just prompt another excuse or fabricated story, until there were too many lies to remember.
Besides, none of us really cared enough about the guy to exert that much effort. It sounds a bit cruel, but when every interaction you have with someone is mostly made-up, you get tired of them pretty quickly.
[deleted] · 15 points · Posted at 12:43:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know what you mean. I have known a few people who make up stories that are obviously bull, though never anybody quite as bad a Mike. Even though everybody knows these people are lying, nobody wants to call them out on it. We would rather just wait till they shut up and get on with our lives.
GatorGladiator · 1 points · Posted at 16:41:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Mainly because it gives you shit to write in Reddit.
[deleted] · 7 points · Posted at 12:31:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
makes sense
Pm_your_sexy_shot · 2 points · Posted at 14:31:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well, sometimes it's fun to enter the play. Last week I was talking with a friend and a Mike. I say something about "SomeTown" and Mikes runs to say "Ey, that's my town, I borned there!" My friends just go "sigh... Mike, your have born in a lot of places". Then continue our conversation like nothing had happened.
DeedTheInky · 2 points · Posted at 19:57:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I used to have a friend like that. Once he told me he threw a paper airplane so hard that it broke the sound barrier and caught fire. If you call him on it he'll just start telling you about how the government has legally prohibited him from doing it because it's too dangerous or something, so sometimes it's better to just go "Oh that's cool" and just let it be. :)
E4tabrizi · 1 points · Posted at 15:09:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You do realize mike's a rapist murderer and covers up his own insanity with manufactured stories right? He did mention that, as best as I'd stick around to confirm anyways. Just node accordingly he probably has somebody in a home made well. Don't be a hero their already dead. Any Co workers just up and "quit"?
derglingrush · 1 points · Posted at 19:31:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
No, it doesn't sound cruel enough. Why the fuck would you hang out with someone like that? If you were little kids that's one thing, but if not I don't understand why you wouldn't just ignore him.
RamsesThePigeon · 1 points · Posted at 19:33:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I didn't spend time around him by choice. Literally the only time that I ever made the conscious decision to in his presence was during a cookout, the story of which I offered elsewhere in the thread.
Commanduf · 18 points · Posted at 11:34:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Is there some medical reason or something to save his sanity that you and your friends have not just said "Michael, your full of shit, your a pathilogical liar and honestly I could give less of a fuck how you react to that FACT"?
murderofcrows90 · 15 points · Posted at 12:13:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have a feeling it would only encourage him. Why? Because people are weird. I don't get 'em.
IncognitoBadass · 3 points · Posted at 14:12:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It doesn't dawn upon pathological liars that they've lied. Even when confronted with fact they make up some excuse or just try to cover it up with more lies.
[deleted] · 9 points · Posted at 12:52:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
it should be 'couldn't give less of a fuck'.
TheFlyingBogey · 14 points · Posted at 13:19:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
…since no one else has, I'm just gonna slip these in here:
*you're
*you're
Unless you do actually give a fuck, then it's 'I *couldn't give less of a fuck'.
I hope this doesn't come over as arrogant/condescending, just trying to clue a fellow redditor in :)
Acetius · 3 points · Posted at 14:03:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Don't forget *pathological
GameOfThrowsnz · 2 points · Posted at 15:08:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
he gives enough of a fuck to tell us, so he could theoretically give less of a fuck
LandmineFrisbee · -1 points · Posted at 17:15:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
All grammer nazis do though.
TheFlyingBogey · 1 points · Posted at 17:40:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
But then how does one correct someone who is incorrect? People are so afraid of being wrong and being corrected that they regard someone correcting them as hostile. And the term "Grammar Nazi" doesn't help with this- I mean, associating someone who has an eye for grammar and spelling with the 'bad guys' of WWII isn't exactly flattering.
Sorry, I'm ranting now but my point still stands.
ThePr1d3 · 5 points · Posted at 12:45:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What if he isn't lying? :)
runjimrun · 2 points · Posted at 17:26:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I just posted about a guy that I worked with, but I worked with another guy who was also full of "stories". One of our friends was gonna call him out on something and we begged him not to. The stories were so entertaining that we wanted them to keep going.
DeedTheInky · 2 points · Posted at 19:54:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Because then he'd go into rage mode and wouldn't be able to stop until he's killed you with his Kung Fu Karate Ninjutsu which is totally all one single martial art. :O
Darth-Pimpin · 1 points · Posted at 14:02:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I"m sure they have, but something tells me that wouldn't stop him.
DoktorSoviet · 1 points · Posted at 02:47:51 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
People who lie like that more often than not have an accompanying mental condition.
In fact, what he is describing is almost 1 to 1 what I encountered once at a mental hospital. Suffice to say, it transcends just bullshitting and goes into the "straight up delusional" territory.
cdc194 · 3 points · Posted at 13:33:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hey, I've read a few of your stories and think you'd be cool to hang out with, I would have gladly beat the fuck out of you with that giant q-tip (we called them pugile sticks in the Army).
RamsesThePigeon · 2 points · Posted at 13:38:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
If we're ever in the same area, I'll gladly submit to that beating!
cdc194 · 2 points · Posted at 13:53:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I am in Germany for now but will be moved back to Detroit, please don't come to Detroit, I wouldn't wish that on most people.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 14:38:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Mall Ninja!
http://lonelymachines.org/mall-ninjas/
WonderWeasel91 · 3 points · Posted at 14:42:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My best friend is like this. Exactly like this. It used to not be so bad, but it's gotten so much worse in the last few years. I think it started out as compensation when we were in high school, and just escalated from there. Used to, it was things that may or may not have been bullshit, but always made for good party stories, and made him the life of the party. He's a likeable guy, actually, and a very loyal friend, but for some reason, here lately, he's been buying up guns and ammunition along with tactical equipment and bullet proof vests, ammunition reloading equipment and basically has his own munitions supply in his bedroom closet.
He tells stories about his dad, a 'Nam vet, being part of a secret service when my buddy was a kid. Apparently, the only way his dad could relieve himself of service was to sign my friend up for the same service, which meant that at the age of 16, he would be required to go upstate for the summer and train. The thing is, I spent every summer with him when we were kids.
Anyway, at the age of 23, he completed his last mission, and was allowed to leave the service for his outstanding performance. Nowadays, he apparently curbs his appetite for tracking down bad guys by looking up drug dealers, threatening them, and taking their stash to sell to "contacts" of his.
It makes me sad, because this new persona isn't my friend I've always known, and we aren't friends like we used to be, because I don't know him anymore. I don't know why he feels the need to compensate. He got into his University on grades alone, is incredibly smart, and is one year away from being a veterinarian, and graduating at the top of his class. And what's crazy is he can actually do shit like pick locks, is a decently skilled marksman, and is very handy with things like building, automotive work, and electronics. Hell, we built a 3D printer together a few years ago. I mean, he's way interesting enough on his own....so why go to the extremes?
Rhodie114 · 3 points · Posted at 14:51:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm imagining Dermot from Venture Bros
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 16:00:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This girl I used to be friends with tried to convince me she was a vampire, and that she had powers, and she could make her will manifest into reality just by thinking. She would rub her jaw because her "fangs" hurt and she would complain that she was hungry, and when suggested that she eat something, she would insist that we "didn't understand what she was hungry for," and clench her stomach. I thought surely, no one is more desperate for attention than this.
I was wrong. Michael sounds like a cunt.
DavidG993 · 3 points · Posted at 18:28:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Punch him in the face. Do it, and report back. I want to see how a super soldier handles that.
maxxtraxx · 3 points · Posted at 22:04:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I would always encourage that guy! =D
DIFTL_ · 3 points · Posted at 05:55:44 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have a Michael in my life, except it's a bit more of a problem, just throw in being a Kleptomaniac on top of being a pathological liar. I live with him, that's the "more of a problem" part..
Example: One morning I could not find my work shoes, I thoroughly checked under the couches/ under laundry/ both my cars/ the entire house. I told myself to take photos because I knew he'd borrowed them for a show he had the night before. I grabbed my old pair of shoes and went on my way, and texted him "have you seen my shoe?"
He replied a few hours later "Yeah they were under the couch, you have to make sure you check well because our dog pushes them under there.."
** this has happened with a belt, a shirt, a bottle of maple syrup (yes.. Syrup) as well as some dollar coins I had put away. **
hkdharmon · 3 points · Posted at 22:05:31 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a guy like this. Everyone would roll their eyes when he started talking. He and his dad taught Soviet special forces martial arts (in Russia, in 1988), he was immune to alcohol because of his German heritage (saw him passed-out drunk more times than I can count), he was Elvis Presley's proper heir, but the estate screwed him, whatever.
His roommate got him to shut up. I was over doing homework with him (because other than the stories, he was an OK dude and a fellow student) and he started in with a story, and the roommate said "Aaron, where's the rope?" Aaron replied softly, "In the closet" and said nothing more.
I was baffled. I asked, "What rope?"
The roommate said, "What rope, Aaron?"
Aaron put his head in his hands and quietly said, "It's the one I use to tie one hand behind my back."
hucksilva · 3 points · Posted at 11:50:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What's the dude's last name because he sounds EXACTLY like the Michael I work with that just spews BS al lday every day. One Upper Gold medalist!
RamsesThePigeon · 4 points · Posted at 11:53:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It starts with an "M."
hucksilva · 4 points · Posted at 11:56:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dammit! Different Michael then! But boy do they sound similar, especially that "I can't get into phisical altercations because I'm scared I'll kill someone. My coach said I was too powerful for my own good..."
DOOM_feat_DOOM · 9 points · Posted at 12:41:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Unless... He's lying to you about his last name
itsfoine · 6 points · Posted at 12:06:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The only true thing he said all night.
If he didn't lie about being a ninja, he would be the friend who always lies and says he "left his wallet at home" or "would pay you back" ... two lies I have heard far too many times.
mr-r-sole · 2 points · Posted at 14:51:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I knew a guy like that that I worked with for seven years. He had an excuse for every occasion to weasel out of paying. He left his wallet at home every time we went fishing, I left my smokes at the shop, got one? Aside from showing up at your door to chit chat and have a quick beer, he did mention being chased to work by bears all the time. Once, he said while walking to work he lost his smokes cause a skunk with a mayo jar stuck on it's head chased him.
boyyoz1 · 5 points · Posted at 11:08:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
michael seriously needs to get his shit together
LadyEmry · 1 points · Posted at 14:50:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Preferably in a backpack, to take it to the shit museum.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 12:38:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Franz Ferdinand wrote a song about Michael...
http://youtu.be/ktwlN_ocL-o
morningstar1310 · 2 points · Posted at 12:55:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That was fucking funny! Thank you!
hilariously_dumb · 2 points · Posted at 13:03:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wow, that a lie really trumps all the others in this thread!
it's almost a bit hard to believe
UsernameyMcUsername · 2 points · Posted at 13:06:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Kids got an imagination
Jacosion · 2 points · Posted at 13:12:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Have you posted this before?
RamsesThePigeon · 2 points · Posted at 13:15:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have! Thank you for remembering!
Jacosion · 2 points · Posted at 22:37:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's hard to forget a story like that.
Superdan01 · 2 points · Posted at 13:28:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
r/storiesfrommichael
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 13:28:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
RamsesThePigeon · 3 points · Posted at 13:33:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
No, it is not.
Darth-Pimpin · 3 points · Posted at 14:06:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It was at one point, but he had to change it after nazi spies found out who he was and went after his family.
dgolfer · 2 points · Posted at 13:39:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Writing prompt accepted
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 13:40:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've known some pathological liars and one-uppers in my time, but this guy is brilliant. Bravo.
Sloathe · 2 points · Posted at 13:40:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Did he used to ride motorcycles?
RamsesThePigeon · 1 points · Posted at 13:42:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He did, actually.
That is to say, he used to have a motorcycle in his garage. I'm unsure of whether or not he actually rode it.
Humanimdb1986 · 2 points · Posted at 13:42:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Are you sure you are not friends with Micheal Bay? He could have came here from the future and made his movies based on your reaction aka Transformers is your fault
nelfoo · 2 points · Posted at 13:47:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This Michael guy should be interviewed man.
WildBilll33t · 2 points · Posted at 13:48:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Why did you guys let this fool hang out with you?
sm4rt4ss · 2 points · Posted at 13:58:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Funny thing is, in his world he's probably thinking "my god, my friends are idiots. They believe everything."
Hackadak · 1 points · Posted at 15:43:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Something rather interesting about pathological liars is that they actually tend to believe their own lies, so it's more likely he just believed himself, and thought others believed him
source: www.psychiatrictimes.com/articles/pathological-lying-symptom-or-disease "It has been observed that pathological liars believe their lies to the extent that the belief may be delusional", quickest example I could find.
DaddyJBird · 2 points · Posted at 13:58:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Napa?
RamsesThePigeon · 1 points · Posted at 14:00:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's the place.
Do you know Michael?
DaddyJBird · 2 points · Posted at 14:06:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
No I grew up there as well. Many a Friday night Chef Markets for me as well.
RamsesThePigeon · 1 points · Posted at 14:35:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Are you in your late twenties to early thirties?
I ask because shortly after I left the town, the Chef's Market was switched to Thursday nights... and following that, it went the way of the dodo. I still go back to Napa every now and then, but Friday nights just aren't the same anymore.
Anyway, I figure you and I might have crossed paths at some point.
DaddyJBird · 2 points · Posted at 15:18:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
No I'm closer to 40. The chefs market doesn't exist anymore. Thursday nights sucked. By then I had a good job and didn't want to hang out during the weekday when I had work the next day.
GrrrrrArrrrgh · 2 points · Posted at 14:29:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Martial arts has played a part in the lies of every compulsive liar I've known.
The other similarities: all are part Native American, and all (strangely) have either owned or have a license to own a white tiger.
RamsesThePigeon · 1 points · Posted at 14:31:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I don't think Michael ever mentioned being part Native American, but it seems like the sort of thing he'd claim.
Broken_Enigma · 2 points · Posted at 14:32:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is my oldest brother. His name is Michael. He's a "one-upper." Will contradict his own statements within a matter of seconds. I can only tolerate him for about 15 minutes every two or three months.
CallmeDaddio · 2 points · Posted at 14:40:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Hey man, despite all of that it seems to me you're still friends with him.
We all know someone like Michael - I must say I'm friends with my version of Michael but sometimes its hard to tune everything he says out
downhereforyoursoul · 2 points · Posted at 14:42:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I can't help picturing Mac from It's Always Sunny.
Superfluous420 · 2 points · Posted at 14:46:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Why was he broke?
RamsesThePigeon · 1 points · Posted at 14:47:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Something about having to bail out a girl who'd become indebted to a drug dealer.
I wasn't really listening.
intensely_human · 2 points · Posted at 14:57:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Pretty shitty training if he can't leave combat state until he kills someone.
BlueZorua · 2 points · Posted at 14:58:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm sure I've seen this before. Was it in your book?
RamsesThePigeon · 2 points · Posted at 15:01:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
No, my book - the one that's easily available, anyway - is fiction. With that said, I have told the above tale on Reddit before. I'm flattered that you remember!
TangoJulietWhiskey · 2 points · Posted at 15:00:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Man, are you going to feel stupid when it turns out Michael was telling the truth.
TheManInsideMe · 2 points · Posted at 15:00:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Which celebrity? I feel like we're all overlooking the funniest lie here, because the "in the Sacramento River" is so oddly specific. Usually good liars know how to keep just enough details vague, but not Michael. Michael will tell you who, what, where, when, and how because Michael is committed.
RamsesThePigeon · 3 points · Posted at 15:02:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He actually didn't say, believe it or not.
The story itself was a meandering mess of questionable details, but the general gist of things went as follows: Michael had been visiting the Sacramento river for an event that involved traversing several miles via inner tube. Being the shrewd individual that he was, the fellow had opted to bring an inflatable mattress along instead. This proved to be a good decision on his part, because he soon encountered the actress in question - again, he didn't offer her name - and her equally attractive sister... and they had somehow forgotten to bring inner tubes to the river with them.
Michael wasted no time in offering the obvious solution. He invited the two girls to join him on the inflatable mattress, and they made their way downstream shortly thereafter. It was evident from the get-go that both the actress and her sibling found their host to be unbearably attractive, and Michael started worrying that he'd have to choose between them. Then, as if fate had chosen that moment to intervene, their makeshift raft was swept over to a hidden lagoon, where it ran aground in the shallows.
Things get a bit fuzzy at that point, but supposedly, one of the young women spontaneously decided to take her top off. This prompted the other to do the same, after which they encouraged Michael to strip down. One thing led to another, and before long, the three of them were coming together for a passionate romp in the water.
I'm not entirely sure why they didn't just use the inflatable mattress.
TheManInsideMe · 3 points · Posted at 15:56:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This guy is certifiable. I love it.
tupper134 · 2 points · Posted at 15:13:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Holy sh... why didn't anybody say to him to shut up? Or making fun of him by playing into his story so they get even wilder until at some point he overplays at the wrong time in front of the wrong person? Or ... are you michael... telling a story for a few upvotes ... oO
RamsesThePigeon · 1 points · Posted at 15:20:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There was no point in telling him to shut up. He'd fill any holes we poked in his stories with more lies, until we wound up with a bunch of fractal falsehoods to which nobody wanted to pay any attention.
Nexaz · 2 points · Posted at 15:14:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was half expecting this to end with tree-fiddy or something else similar. Thanks.
CigaretteFactory · 2 points · Posted at 15:17:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Do you remember the details of how he saved the president?
RamsesThePigeon · 3 points · Posted at 15:22:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It was something to do with a meet-and-greet, if I recall correctly. He'd been asked to visit the President, and a sniper had used that opportunity to attack. Fortunately, Michael had been shaking the President's hand at the time, so he just yanked on the man's arm - dislocating it in the process - and pulled him from the path of the bullet. The Secret Service tackled Michael after that, but everything got sorted out in the end.
CigaretteFactory · 2 points · Posted at 15:28:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Thank god for that
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 15:24:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
man, won't your face be red when it comes out that entire story is true and your best friend in the world and number one pal Michael reveals his genetic super powers to save you from that evil female ninja.
naughty_ottsel · 2 points · Posted at 15:25:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Naturally this was changed via a chrome extension, but it still seems to fit perfectly.
Incaendia · 2 points · Posted at 15:28:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"I will kill you. I won't have a choice."
10/10 have not laughed that hard in a long time.
cartmancakes · 2 points · Posted at 15:30:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This comment killed me.
brosenfeld · 2 points · Posted at 15:44:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was issued access to an SR-71 when I was around 6 or 7.
By "issued access," I mean they let me stand on it...under close supervision...when it was my turn...at the Intrepid Sea, Air, and Space Museum in Manhattan.
Jelen1 · 2 points · Posted at 15:48:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Michael sounds awesome
JanMichaelVincent16 · 2 points · Posted at 16:01:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a guy like this. Then he turned 12.
boreas907 · 2 points · Posted at 16:08:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Napa?
RamsesThePigeon · 1 points · Posted at 16:11:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yup!
Moruitelda · 2 points · Posted at 16:14:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Is Michael's last name four letters long, beginning with O?
RamsesThePigeon · 1 points · Posted at 19:29:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
No, it is not.
Moruitelda · 2 points · Posted at 19:35:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I went to high school with a Michael O___ who told very similar stories. He grew up in Japan, you see, and was a fifth degree black belt in karate. When he and his parents moved to the United States, he had to formally register his hands and feet as lethal weapons with the U.S. Government (he did not elaborate on which branch).
108Echoes · 2 points · Posted at 16:39:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You know, there's always a calculation involved with calling someone's bluff. That person's probably lying about having cancer—but if they're not, then you're a giant asshole.
(Side note: one of the top posts on r/cringepics covers similar territory. It's magnificent.)
But I really wish someone had just decked the guy. There's no risk of consequences unless Michael does turn out to be a genetically engineered super-soldier who can't stop himself from killing once he's been activated, in which case the rest of you have a new, fantastic story (that no one will believe).
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 16:41:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This guy sounds really sad =/
fill_your_hand · 2 points · Posted at 16:46:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Why the hell did none of you backhand him when he said "Once I get into a combat state, I can't stop until I've killed someone"? Teach him to put up or shut up.
Would've ended that horse shit fable he was about to unload on you guys before it even started.
boramk · 2 points · Posted at 16:59:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Huh. I posted in this thread and my pathological liar was also named Michael.
Damnit Michaels
Sefirot8 · 2 points · Posted at 16:59:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
thats how you know the story was fake
foreignlander · 2 points · Posted at 17:02:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Holly shit, he sounds like a handful.
valeyard89 · 2 points · Posted at 17:05:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Was Michael a prehistoric creature from the Paleozoic era?
KillerAceUSAF · 2 points · Posted at 17:08:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Do we know the same Micheal? Because I know one that has similar stories...
RamsesThePigeon · 1 points · Posted at 19:26:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Did you ever live in Napa?
KillerAceUSAF · 2 points · Posted at 19:27:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Nope, never even been there. I guess it is just guys named Michael are just really crazy!
Zippy0723 · 2 points · Posted at 17:23:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You are an amazing storyteller, seriously this post is really well written. Props to you. There is a small part of me that wishes I knew someone like Micheal, just for all of the amazing stories generated by his presence.
NoOne0507 · 2 points · Posted at 17:23:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Start getting his age and time frames in these stories. Eventually he'll have to admit he's immortal
cup-o-farts · 2 points · Posted at 17:43:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Man that just would make me want to punch him in the face just to see what he does or how he explains that.
yeahbitchphysics · 2 points · Posted at 18:02:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I think Michael could be the next Kevin.
SteakAndNihilism · 2 points · Posted at 18:04:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'd say this guy needs to get socked in the jaw, but I know a guy like this, and he'd just say "You're welcome. I just saved your life by holding back all of my training."
Negative_Clank · 2 points · Posted at 18:11:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Michael is the anti-Kevin
MYC0B0T · 2 points · Posted at 18:21:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Relevant
cursed_deity · 2 points · Posted at 18:26:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
but... what if it's all true though!?
ArchViles · 2 points · Posted at 18:30:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's like the more outlandish they make it the more they expect you to believe it because "it's so crazy it couldn't possibly be made up."
hhkirn · 2 points · Posted at 18:51:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
From somewhere near Sacramento? Won't catch me swimming in that river.
morningstar1310 · 307 points · Posted at 13:21:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This woman I know has told so many "stories" I can't even remember all of them. I stopped listening. But these are some I remember....
She was raped by her brother
She was raped by her uncle
Her mother locked her in a closet for days at a time.
Her mother broke a stack of glass plates over her head.
Her mother broke a broom stick over her back.
Again she was gang raped by sisters bf and his brother and their friends.
She got aids from the gang rape.
She has cancer.
This woman is my mother.
adamdeluxedition · 204 points · Posted at 21:40:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This reminded me!!!!
TL;DR Girl lied about multiple rapes, pregnancy, criminal stalking, a drug ring, and much more and I bought most of it for a while.
So back a few years ago, I was living in a 2br town home in a particularly small town. Everyone knows everyone type of thing. Anyways, I meet this girl. She seems pretty cool, we get to talking, and a few weeks go by, I kinda am into her. We've hung out a time or two, and I've had her over for dinner. She tells me a few weeks later that she's moving about three hours north to stay with her aunt because her mother was kicking her out. (She was from Australia and had moved to my town about 2 months ago to be closer to her mother) father was Australia, mother was American.
Anyways, I ask what happened and she said her mom basically lost her mind, and beat her, and threw all her shit outside in the trash and soaked it with the hose. She told me her mom had a history of mental illness, and this wasn't the first time something like this happened and that this type of thing was why her parents split up. I wish her well, and we kinda go about our ways for a week or so.
She texts me about a week later and says she's in town and would like to grab lunch. So we meet up and she says she had applied for a really good job here in my town before she moved, and they called her back for a second interview today, and told her this morning that she got the job. She asked if she could stay in my spare bedroom for a month or so while she tried to find her own place.
I agree, and she drives back up a to get her clothes and stuff and brigs them back the next day. This is where it gets fun...
I know the business she was "working" at. I wouldn't say it's a great job, but it's pretty good if say. So obviously, we ended up sleeping together several times since you know.. She was down the hall.. And then she hits me with this big ass bombshell at Halloween.. That a soldier at a nearby military base had raped her. I suggested a multitude of options she had for reporting it since I'm in the service myself. I convince her to speak to CID (the criminal investigation division it's he army equivalent of NCIS for those who have seen that show) she does, gives her story, and I relay what she told me.
A few days go by, and she tells me that she's worried that this guy is following her. So make a return visit to CID, and she tells them this guys make and model of the car and that he is following her. So they issue a no contact order for this guy. Then, the following day, she come into the house with a busted lip, and swollen face and black eye. She says that the guy wanted to talk to her about everything since his career is now in danger because of a "false rape allegation" so he had her meet him on post, at some crazy place on the putter edge of the post, where him and his buddies beat her and raped her again.
Now, I'll admit I completely bought it. I mean her face was FUCKED. So I drive her back to CID at like 8PM and they go arrest this dude and his buddies. I get her set up with some counseling, and what not as well. During all of this she's continued to have these spats with her mother where she would go into the back yard and have heated conversations with her about where she was, and who she was with. ie - it's none of your business, I'm 26yrs old, you kicked me out why do you care etc.
About two weeks later, she tells me she is late on her period. And I'm seconds from throwing up, because she tells me she's already gone to the doctor about it, and they estimate the time of conception was when we had slept together for about a week straight or so. Me being the fucking loser I am, two nights didn't wrap it. She tells me it's more than likely mine, and asks what I want to do.
We chatted for a few days, and determined the best possible solution was to get an abortion. Because she couldn't be certain it was mine, and it could have been the guy who raped her. So I fork over $500 and she drives a state away to have it done. She elected to take the pill that just makes you miscarry. So she comes home that evening and I want to say there was a waiting period of a few days before you actually took the pill. So that day rolls around, and she's in this IMMENSE amount of pain. I'm talking sobbing all night, in the bathroom throwing up etc.
Well.. It doesn't fucking work. She calls the clinic, and they said that on rare occasions it doesn't work, and she'll need to drive back down, and they will give her a stronger pill. Round two, is three times as bad as the first time. I mean, I legit thought this girl was going to die in the fucking bathroom. I did my best to keep her hydrated, and talk to her when she was able to speak. The next morning, she says it's done and basically doesn't want to talk to me about it because she's always wanted children and she doesn't know if she'll ever end up getting pregnant again.
I assured her that she'd meet someone and settle down at some point and they'd have kids... Now.. Due to taking all these days off to drive a state away, and taking off work so she could do this. She had been written up several times at her new job, and they let her go. Luckily for her, a town over had immediate openings for almost the exact same position only with a different company. So she was hired almost immediately.
Side note - she is still living with me and it's been 90 days.
She comes home one night a few weeks later crying, distraught, and totally out of it, she's drunk. She explains that they had this kinda party at work over lunch for someone's retirement. And this guy felt her up at said party. Then she decided she should TOTALLY go hang out with him after work.... Where.. You guessed it. He raped her.
At this exact moment I IMMEDIATELY realized this bitch is a liar, and I would have bet money she hadn't been raped by that soldier, and that he wasn't following her, that he hadn't threatened her life, that she wasn't pregnant, etc etc. I pry a little more about the story and get a few more details and excuse myself to sleep for the night.
I went to CID the next morning and explained how I felt to the detective. Who actually laughed and said man we were about to call you.. Apparently all of these dudes were able to prove alibis on EVERY occasion she was raped, and that the main dude in question had texts from her talking about how amazing he was, and how she was in love with him etc.
I confronted her that evening and told her that she had been there a lot longer than I had planned, and that some friends were coming in for the holidays, and she had a month to find a new place to stay. She lost her mind, and started yelling and throwing shit.
I left my house, and told her she needed to pack a bag and stay at a hotel for the evening and that she had 1hr. She texts me thirty minutes later and says "tell my mom I love her, and that I'm sorry" so I call the cops and they show up at my house and I let them in. Her car is there, and they find her facedown in her room with a bunch of pills scattered about. My pills. From my bedroom, that were for my hand when I had surgery. Definitely enough to OD on, but I never told her about them. Which means she either went looking, after I left. Or had snooped around while I wasn't home.
Anyways, the paramedics are there and are getting her onto a stretcher and the knuckle rub on her sternum. If you don't know what that is, it's painful as fuck. It's used to judge a patients level of consciousness. She sits almost straight up, screams, and flops back down. The paramedics tell the cops she's full of shit but they have to take her to the hospital.
They all leave, and I take her phone and call her mother. I explain that she's been living with me, but she tried to kill herself and they're taking her to xxx hospital and I'd like her to meet me there. I meet her mom at the hospital, and she says, "yo can I get about tree fiddy"
Thanks for reading.
Actually I'm totally kidding this is legit.
So I meet her mom, and said I was sorry we had to meet this way, considering she doesn't really like me because of what I had been told by the girl. Her mother pauses and asks what I mean, because she's begged to meet me before and her daughter said no. I then come to learn that her mother is under the impression that I had proposed, that we were moving to the UK, that I had a LOT of money, AND that her mother had been over to my house on multiple occasions while I wasn't home. I challenged this, until her mother described the inside of my home perfectly.
I told her mom she needed to follow me to my house so she did, and I gathered up all of her shit and stuffed it in her and her mothers car and told her mom that she needed to come pick the car up later.
Then I get a call from the cops a week later about a certain folder missing from her possessions that has proof she was raped by said soldier. And she needed it. The. Her father got involved from Australia, and a host of other things.
My phone has 8% batter my left.. I'll finish this up in a few hours if anyone is interested.
adamdeluxedition · 36 points · Posted at 19:35:53 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
EDIT : Wow, I figured I was going to be late enough that not a lot of people would see this!
Anyways.. So I forgot a really important part of this story, so as I mentioned before I am also a soldier, and two friends of mine here that are married and both in the Army that work with me are here also. So my friends wife goes out of town for some reason or another, and myself and my buddy invite said girl (while she was living with me, post-abortion) out to dinner to try and get her out of the house, because she was super upset about the whole thing, and we were trying to cheer her up. Well, we go out and get food, and have a few drinks and come back to my house. The whole night, my friend had been acting really flirty towards the girl and it was was weird seeing him act that way, because he was married, to my friend none the less.. So about 10pm ish and quite a few more drinks later I call it a night, I had some stuff to do early Saturday morning, and I wanted to get some rest. So the next afternoon, Kelly (the girl) explains that my buddy had stayed over there until like 6am and they finished off another bottle of liquor and she woke up on the couch with his kissing her neck, and trying to finger her.
Now, I've know my friends a LOT longer than I had known Kelly, and I didn't want to believe it, but I wasn't oblivious to the fact that he had been flirting with her, his wife was out of town, and they had both had a lot to drink. I told her, that it didn't really seem like him to do something like that, and she showed me a bunch of texts between the two of them about what had happened, which confirmed it did happen, at least "something" happened. It was never specifically noted WHAT happened. So, my buddy shows up Sunday with some form of what I can only assume was a peace offering/please dont tell my wife. He replaced all the booze we drank saturday night, and gave Kelly a $200 bottle of wine, and gave me a $300 bottle of whisky.
So, his wife gets back, and Kelly went out of her way to find her on facebook, and messaged her and told her that her husband had cheated on her... at this point, Kelly has moved out, and is living with her mom again. Her mom accidentally backed over my mailbox leaving with her stuff one day and I had remained in touch with her for a little while because she was going to cut me a check to replace it. So, we had spoken a few more times about Kelly's behavior and her mom told me that Kelly had basically made the whole thing up between the two of them. She never kicked her out, she never trashed her shit. Kelly wanted some money for something or another and her mother wouldn't give it to her, and so she left to go live with her aunt. Which is what started the whole thing.
In regards to the folder, apparently the soldiers that had "raped her" had been following her, and were selling/making drugs in their house ON THE FUCKING BASE.... -_- and she had proof of all of this via printed text messages, and facebook messenger pages etc, that she had printed off.. but had deleted the texts and messages. She claimed that she needed it so she could press charges and what not. I did indeed look all over my house for this folder, because IF it did exist, I wanted to see this magical folder.. PLOT TWIST. I never fucking found it. what a shocker right? So she tells the cops, her mom, and her dad in Aus, that I have the proof and im intentionally keeping it from her. So her mom, calls me and begs me to give it to her, I explain for the MILLIONTH time that I don't have it, i don't believe it exists, and that I don't give two shits about it anymore. So then the cops show up, at my house and explain that i'm hindering an ongoing investigation and they have a search warrant for my house to look for this folder. I laughed and let them in. They searched everywhere and were confident that I didn't have it. A few days later they show up, with ANOTHER search warrant, only this time... its for my fucking hard drive.. Because she claimed that all the messages were sent and received from my desktop, which she had used before. I explained to them that it was password protected, and that I never game her the password, and the only times she used the computer was when I was home to check her emails a few times.
They brought her to my house and I told the cops they could have the computer if she could unlock it. She couldn't . They took the computer anyways. For almost 1 year. They never did find anything on it of any value.
Anyways, moving along.. her father decides to send me a message on facebook again about this folder, and I agree to have a skype call with him. By this point I just want these people to just leave me the fuck alone, and if I have to spend 20 minutes on the phone with this dude to get that, I was willing to do so. So he calls one evening, and we talked about everything that had happened and he keeps going on and on about this stupid fucking folder. I lost my shit and basically told him his daughter was a fucking lying piece of shit, that lied about anything and everything she could to get sympathy from others.
OH THAT REMINDS ME AGAIN! She lied to me and told me that her boyfriend in Aus of like 8 years committed suicide by hanging himself in their house and she came home and found it, and she was all messed up over it bla bla bla.. I'm trying to remember WHY she told me that story because it was semi-relevant to the entire story but I did say something about it to her mom at the hospital and her mom goes "this guy?" and pulls up his facebook.. motherfucker is alive and well and definitely not dead. I contacted him about 6 months after all of this and he basically confirmed everything i thought. She lied to him and all her friends about anything and everything. She lied about WHY she left aus, it was due to all the lies she had told and I guess she had gotten in some shit with some people and she was legit afraid for her life and so she left.
As far as the soldier that raped her, I went out of my way to find him and apologize to him, because I felt SO terrible that I let someone deceive me into almost getting this dude kicked out of the army. Didn't really matter though, his reputation was already ruined, and last I heard he did finally PCS away from this duty station and is doing better at his new unit, because no one knows about it. But he was very very close to getting kicked out of the army, and ending up in prison over all of this. Last I heard about Kelly, she left the US and went back to Aus, becasue her mom DID kick her out this time, and that the US was trying to get her back here to arrest her for the entire ordeal, because she lied to federal agents, and made up all this shit, and they're trying to prosecute her for it.
Sorry it took me so long to get back to you guys! I didn't mean to keep you waiting!!
If you have any questions, or want any further clarifications ill be happy to give them.
PS - My friend and his wife - She did talk to Kelly about everything that happened and his wife asked me what I thought about it, and I told her that honestly, I felt something MAY have happened between them, but I have no idea what. She lied about literally anything and everything and I wouldn't be surprised if she had exaggerated everything about that as well. They are still married, after some counseling, and long talks with each other and are expecting a baby girl later this year!
not_a_killjoy · 6 points · Posted at 21:06:11 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Holy fuck. That girl is so messed up.
Thanks for delivering, OP!
InYourUterus · 3 points · Posted at 21:10:43 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is probably the most insane crazy person story I have ever read. Well aside from this gem: http://www.wyseguys.com/blag/shitty-roommate/meet-jed/
And the saga of Big Boy Blue: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/19778648/images/1341690589009.jpg
pdrocker1 · 1 points · Posted at 11:21:03 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
Holy Shit...
rustedhoot · 3 points · Posted at 07:19:57 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
Thank you for updating!
adamdeluxedition · 2 points · Posted at 20:03:30 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
Of course!
Wr3cK1nKr3w · 23 points · Posted at 00:43:25 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Literally got out my Ben And Jerry's "Cake My Day" ice cream and have been reading and eating this whole time. You better fucking finish!
SakuraCha · 4 points · Posted at 22:59:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Please finish it
VectorDotZero · 4 points · Posted at 06:54:47 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Finish it I'm on the edge of my seat goddamn it. And fuck you for the three fiddy. I was going to be so angry...
adamdeluxedition · 5 points · Posted at 19:38:16 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Also - I HATE the tree fiddy thing when I see it, and I couldn't have thought of a better place to stick that.. I laughed really hard to myself about how many people would be like NOOOO GOD DAMNIT! Oh wait...
adamdeluxedition · 3 points · Posted at 19:37:28 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Added an additional large comment about it because the original post + the edit was too long.
VectorDotZero · 3 points · Posted at 19:50:48 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Thanks
braindeathdomination · 4 points · Posted at 23:36:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Holy shit mayne. You gotta finish this.
You_have_a_butt · 3 points · Posted at 23:12:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Interested! Finish please!
aradiowave · 3 points · Posted at 01:33:28 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Remind Me!
Jahoota · 3 points · Posted at 01:37:16 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Are you fucking kidding?! Yes, you need to finish this! I'm sorry this got buried but holy hell you need to finish this!
rustedhoot · 2 points · Posted at 23:40:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Please yes!
InterSTELLAAAR · 2 points · Posted at 00:06:19 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yo man finish!!
happycakeday1 · 2 points · Posted at 00:13:08 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yes please! RemindMe! 12 hours
yuiojmncbf · 2 points · Posted at 00:26:48 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
!RemindMe 12hr
RengooBot · 2 points · Posted at 01:02:39 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
RemindMe! 12 hours
mjw09 · 2 points · Posted at 01:03:57 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
more please
_sys_ · 2 points · Posted at 01:10:55 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
!RemindMe 12 hours
yuiojmncbf · 2 points · Posted at 01:14:43 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Gold if u finish it
AgentHoneywell · 2 points · Posted at 01:30:19 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
RemindMe! 12 hours
_SirMcFluffy · 2 points · Posted at 01:36:55 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
!RemindMe 12hr
Godric0619 · 2 points · Posted at 01:54:41 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
What did she do with the money for the abortions?
pepperkitty · 2 points · Posted at 01:57:08 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
RemindMe! 12 hours
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 02:04:11 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
RemindMe! 12 hours
Abyss333333 · 2 points · Posted at 02:18:35 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Finish it bro. This is really good
chavitothecaramel · 2 points · Posted at 03:16:34 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
RemindMe! 12 hours
pdrocker1 · 2 points · Posted at 03:22:34 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
RemindMe!
jiamixiexie · 2 points · Posted at 03:37:45 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
!RemindMe 12hr
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 03:38:24 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
CID openly discusses cases with people like that?
oddish56 · 2 points · Posted at 04:50:59 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was about to fucking kill you for the tree fiddy. You son of a bitch.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 04:55:46 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
RemindMe!
TrumpetDick · 2 points · Posted at 04:57:05 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
You there OP we're all on the edge of our seats here!
not_a_killjoy · 2 points · Posted at 05:07:47 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
RemindMe! 12 hours
thisisatesttoseehowl · 2 points · Posted at 05:12:52 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
RemindMe! 24 hours
adamdeluxedition · 2 points · Posted at 19:38:53 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Added an additional large comment about it because the original post + the edit was too long.
cgprats · 2 points · Posted at 05:41:10 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
!remindme 12hours
adamdeluxedition · 2 points · Posted at 19:38:49 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Added an additional large comment about it because the original post + the edit was too long.
StreetlampLelMoose · 2 points · Posted at 05:45:11 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
RemindMe! 12 hours.
adamdeluxedition · 2 points · Posted at 19:38:46 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Added an additional large comment about it because the original post + the edit was too long.
lukasubo · 2 points · Posted at 05:50:46 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
!RemindMe 12hr
adamdeluxedition · 2 points · Posted at 19:38:43 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Added an additional large comment about it because the original post + the edit was too long.
volatile_chemicals · 2 points · Posted at 05:58:15 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
You really did have me there with the fake fakeout. Good job and very interesting.
adamdeluxedition · 2 points · Posted at 19:38:39 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Added an additional large comment about it because the original post + the edit was too long.
DigiDuncan · 2 points · Posted at 05:58:24 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm interested! Please tell me the rest!
adamdeluxedition · 2 points · Posted at 19:38:34 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Added an additional large comment about it because the original post + the edit was too long.
InYourUterus · 2 points · Posted at 06:01:25 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
RemindMe! 12 hours
adamdeluxedition · 2 points · Posted at 19:38:28 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Added an additional large comment about it because the original post + the edit was too long.
Migmatite · 2 points · Posted at 06:07:19 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
RemindMe! 12 hours
adamdeluxedition · 2 points · Posted at 19:38:23 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Added an additional large comment about it because the original post + the edit was too long.
thatguysrs · 2 points · Posted at 06:19:34 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
remindme! 12 hours
adamdeluxedition · 2 points · Posted at 19:38:20 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Added an additional large comment about it because the original post + the edit was too long.
volsom · 2 points · Posted at 06:49:38 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I almost had a heart attack when I read "yo can I get avout tree fiddy"
adamdeluxedition · 2 points · Posted at 19:37:37 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Added an additional large comment about it because the original post + the edit was too long.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 07:12:22 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Remind me! 12 hours
adamdeluxedition · 2 points · Posted at 19:37:24 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Added an additional large comment about it because the original post + the edit was too long.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 08:17:20 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Finish him! The story that is.
adamdeluxedition · 2 points · Posted at 19:37:20 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Added an additional large comment about it because the original post + the edit was too long.
TaffWolf · 1 points · Posted at 23:38:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
,
TheSpookyBandit · 1 points · Posted at 04:17:16 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
!RemindMe 10 hours
morningstar1310 · 1 points · Posted at 04:22:21 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Omfg
XscianX · 1 points · Posted at 04:34:35 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
!RemindMe 12 hours
morningstar1310 · 1 points · Posted at 04:36:33 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
And DUDE! FINISH PLEASE!
TrancePhD · 1 points · Posted at 08:21:17 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Shit man. Exquisite!
adamdeluxedition · 1 points · Posted at 19:37:15 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Added an additional large comment about it because the original post + the edit was too long.
404SupportNotFound · 1 points · Posted at 08:30:06 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
RemindMe!
adamdeluxedition · 1 points · Posted at 19:37:11 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Added an additional large comment about it because the original post + the edit was too long.
tererizar · 1 points · Posted at 08:53:59 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
RemindMe! 12 hours
adamdeluxedition · 1 points · Posted at 19:37:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Added an additional large comment about it because the original post + the edit was too long.
ZombieDrums · 1 points · Posted at 09:53:19 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'd like to hear more!
adamdeluxedition · 1 points · Posted at 19:37:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Added an additional large comment about it because the original post + the edit was too long.
TheBlueBrothers · 1 points · Posted at 10:41:13 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
RemindMe! 12 hours
adamdeluxedition · 1 points · Posted at 19:36:56 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Added an additional large comment about it because the original post + the edit was too long.
ach-el-sard · 1 points · Posted at 12:22:30 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Remind Me!
adamdeluxedition · 1 points · Posted at 19:36:51 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Added an additional large comment about it because the original post + the edit was too long.
Breadmako · 1 points · Posted at 12:59:12 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Doo eet!
adamdeluxedition · 2 points · Posted at 19:36:46 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Added an additional large comment about it because the original post + the edit was too long.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 14:23:46 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
adamdeluxedition · 2 points · Posted at 19:36:43 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Added an additional large comment about it because the original post + the edit was too long.
_SirMcFluffy · 1 points · Posted at 14:28:45 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
!RemindMe 12hr
adamdeluxedition · 1 points · Posted at 19:36:39 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Added an additional large comment about it because the original post + the edit was too long.
imbeingrepressed · 1 points · Posted at 14:42:14 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
engrossed....
adamdeluxedition · 1 points · Posted at 19:36:34 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Added an additional large comment about it because the original post + the edit was too long.
TauaTeine · 1 points · Posted at 16:10:05 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Finish the story!!! Please..
adamdeluxedition · 1 points · Posted at 19:36:31 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Added an additional large comment about it because the original post + the edit was too long.
new-aged · 1 points · Posted at 18:28:05 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Still waiting man
adamdeluxedition · 1 points · Posted at 19:35:18 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sooo... I added everything else, and it says it's too long now.. Im going to make a seperate comment
adamdeluxedition · 1 points · Posted at 19:39:01 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Added an additional large comment about it because the original post + the edit was too long.
new-aged · 2 points · Posted at 15:38:31 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
Thank you :)
adamdeluxedition · 1 points · Posted at 20:03:37 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
You're welcome!
Sgt_Patman · 1 points · Posted at 21:30:12 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm interested, what happened next?
adamdeluxedition · 1 points · Posted at 22:00:33 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I added an additional comment because it was too high of a word count.
[deleted] · 16 points · Posted at 15:54:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
Reverand_Dave · 1 points · Posted at 19:53:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Luckily Katie is finally dead.
Darakath · 1 points · Posted at 22:38:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's not very nice :(
Reverand_Dave · 1 points · Posted at 23:21:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Trust me, if you knew her, you wouldn't think so. Think OP's mom in the literal sense.
Darakath · 1 points · Posted at 23:25:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oops, thought you were talking about kate
Reverand_Dave · 1 points · Posted at 23:35:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Nah, I'm cool with Kate, she's chill.
morningstar1310 · 1 points · Posted at 21:26:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hahaaa no.
zachar3 · 15 points · Posted at 20:22:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Is... Is that one of the lies she said?
morningstar1310 · 3 points · Posted at 21:26:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I wished. But no. She had me when she was 17, 2 days before she turned 18 but she always said she ruined her life when she was 17.
danjo3197 · 8 points · Posted at 22:47:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
She probably found out she had cancer aids when she was 17
morningstar1310 · 1 points · Posted at 19:55:26 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hahaaa probably
dbj1303 · 5 points · Posted at 21:01:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"No. I am your father!"
"Yeah right... and your sister raped you?"
TheMightyApostrophe · 27 points · Posted at 15:16:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm really sorry to hear that. Hope you are okay.
morningstar1310 · 21 points · Posted at 21:28:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Thank you. I stayed with my paternal grandparents as much as possible. She and I don't have a relationship anymore. She tried to have sex with my husband the night before we got married.
well_bang_okay · 20 points · Posted at 22:12:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
classy
xjeeper · 3 points · Posted at 00:09:16 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
You mean he raped her? /s
morningstar1310 · 3 points · Posted at 04:25:49 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hahaaaa right! She probably did say that after we left I haven't spoke to her since then.
TheMightyApostrophe · 2 points · Posted at 17:54:32 on June 26, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's good to hear you got away from her. I hope you and your husband are happy!
[deleted] · 8 points · Posted at 20:27:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My mother has claimed to have been raped, won a drag race before she had her license, been caught driving without a license and the judge just told her to take the drivers test with no punishment, was heavily abused, etc
This now has me wondering if she is a liar or not. I mean our life is crazy enough that some of that could be true but damn, seems like too much.
morningstar1310 · 8 points · Posted at 21:32:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have always thought my mother was schitzo. She would always say some woman was trying to fight her in the fucking grocery store. Or that so and so was after her or out to get her. She even freaked on my dad and said he loved me more than her. So he couldn't talk to me anymore and I think she drove him to do drugs with her craziness.
myhairsreddit · 3 points · Posted at 17:39:15 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've been thinking the same thing about my mother for a while. Everything and everyone is out to get her, she is always right even with evidence against her theories, if you don't give her constant attention you must not love her, she convinces herself events took place that never did, my Mom is not normal.
MrHandsomeBoss · 2 points · Posted at 20:38:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That last bit seems like a bold lie to try & pull off...
morningstar1310 · 1 points · Posted at 21:32:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Seriously I wish it was a sick joke but that is exactly my mother.
kmturg · 2 points · Posted at 22:02:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Is any of it true?
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 08:53:55 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
morningstar1310 · 2 points · Posted at 18:25:52 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm sorry.
ShaneDAWS0N · 1 points · Posted at 21:46:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Holy shit that last lie through me for a loop. How'd you discover she was lying about being your mom?
SakuraCha · 1 points · Posted at 22:52:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Are you sure Ur not my sister? This sounds exactly like my mother. Like uncannily like my mother. The only thing it needs is some lies about heritage.
morningstar1310 · 1 points · Posted at 04:27:30 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm sorry your mother is the same. I haven't spoke to mine since my wedding.
SakuraCha · 3 points · Posted at 04:30:22 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Same. I got married about a year ago and didn't invite her. She died last month though of a heroine overdose. I had conflicting feelings about it, but ultimately it was her own decision and she was an adult.
morningstar1310 · 2 points · Posted at 18:27:03 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I waited on that call forever and then I decided she was just too mean to die. I'm sure she's going to outlive us all.
condom_cracker28 · 1 points · Posted at 00:30:59 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
holy shit.
jerry-springer · 1 points · Posted at 02:11:03 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Up until the last sentence I wondered if you were talking about my ex gf.
morningstar1310 · 1 points · Posted at 04:28:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm sorry. I hope you ran far the fuck away!
jerry-springer · 2 points · Posted at 16:33:38 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh yes. This was in high school. I ran far, far away after she got mad at me for being upset that she was cutting herself... And got mad that I was upset with her for flirting with everyone.
morningstar1310 · 1 points · Posted at 18:25:25 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My mom used to wear only booty shorts to get the pizza it was gross af
jerry-springer · 2 points · Posted at 18:48:42 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ohhh yeah. She didn't wear a bra half the time, wore skimpy clothes and flirted with EVERYONE. It was blatant, too. I guess it all comes down to wanting attention. She also cheated on me, confessed to it, and then later when I dumped her, she claimed she had been raped. I have so many stories from this girl.
CaligoAccedito · 1 points · Posted at 03:01:24 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Are you my brother? As a test, did she get appendicitis as a result of the gang rape, and have to have emergency surgery?
morningstar1310 · 1 points · Posted at 04:29:23 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Nope she got aids from the gang rape and then cancer she could smell it. Wtf I'm pretty sure she'd say she's part German shepherd if anyone wld remotely believe it.
CaligoAccedito · 2 points · Posted at 02:23:18 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
My liar-mother told everyone that my cool, punk-rock older cousin was her eldest daughter. She and my mother are 11 years apart in age. My mother had me, her actual first child (of 5) when she was 19-and-a-half. This is only one example of the insanity, but I totally feel you.
morningstar1310 · 2 points · Posted at 19:53:43 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wtf! I'm sorry.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 21:30:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Just to confirm, you know for a fact none of that happened?
morningstar1310 · 1 points · Posted at 04:34:17 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm pretty sure you can't break a broom stick from the 70's (I'm guessing better quality than plastic) over a teens back without severe harm to the body. And how the fuck does she stand through 70's glass plates(plural) without ko'd? She's not fucking Muhammad Ali! Plus she was a teen. Logically no fucking way. And my sisters bf said she walked in the kitchen full 70's bush naked and started hitting on his brother. Apparently my dad found out and that's when it turned to rape, then gang rape, then fucking AIDS.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 21:43:44 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's a shame. I wasn't thinking all those stories were true, but rapes happen unfortunately all the time. I wasn't sure based off your original post that you knew for sure those didn't happen. Even gigantic liars can be raped. And standing fully baked doesn't mean someone isn't raped, especially if they are mentally ill.
morningstar1310 · 1 points · Posted at 00:25:06 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yes, that's true but I really don't believe it because I've known my uncle and great uncle now my great uncle is a fucking weirdo but I'm pretty sure he's gay.
hel112570 · 160 points · Posted at 11:55:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Same girl
What kind of maniac doesn't leave a single yogurt?
fluidink · 9 points · Posted at 19:13:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Don't people with ovarian cancer undergo an oophorectomy and not a hysterectomy?
hel112570 · 3 points · Posted at 19:50:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A cursory google indicates this is a possibility.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 14:15:15 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Some people get both as a precaution. Ovarian cancer is very hard to treat.
fluidink · 2 points · Posted at 14:21:36 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I always thought that hysterectomies were for cervical cancer and oophorectomies for ovarian cancer.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 17:29:59 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My mother had both for ovarian cancer, and so did my aunt-for breast cancer, I think, but don't quote me on that (I got genetic testing and it was fine, so unlucky family I guess). People reaaaaaaaaaaaally don't want to get female reproductive cancers is my experience.
krystann · 6 points · Posted at 17:13:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Did.. did she claim it was miracle when she got knocked up?
hel112570 · 13 points · Posted at 19:56:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Haha no..she just pretended like she never said any of it and looked like a an idiot all over facebook when people responded to her posts with pictures of the Virgin Mary and comments containing the words "immaculate conception". The poor bastard that knocked her up looks like he wants to use the Smith and Wesson brand mouthwash in every photo.
theniceguytroll · 8 points · Posted at 21:34:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Heh. That's pretty funny mang.
AyyLMAOdazdank · 3 points · Posted at 18:21:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Baby Jesus 2.0
DavidG993 · 3 points · Posted at 18:56:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The kind that buys individual yogurts. Seriously, get some Greek.
Teacookie · 1 points · Posted at 08:25:21 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
They do make individual Greek yogurts now! And Greek yogurt Ranch, frozen Greek yogurt...
DavidG993 · 1 points · Posted at 13:28:05 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm on board with everything except the ranch. That just sounds awful.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 21:34:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
If she is in the states, ferpa law can prevent a college from even confirming someone went to school there. Not saying she isn't a liar, but school has to follow ferpa laws.
cartmancakes · 3 points · Posted at 20:07:07 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's what you're hung up on?
hel112570 · 4 points · Posted at 12:24:03 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well yeah, all of the other things she did were driven by a insatiable need for attention, but eating all the yogurt shows a blatant disrespect toward others, the mark of the truly afflicted. After the yogurt incident I walked around armed.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 23:42:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Her laundry was just tryin to make a change :-/
Idontknowflycasual · 2 points · Posted at 08:13:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's an older meme, sir, but it checks out.
at_a_desk_somewhere · 2 points · Posted at 06:36:23 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This sounds like a line from Burn Notice.
Leopold87 · 1 points · Posted at 10:04:26 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This was so annoying to read because he switched between first person and third person so many times. You really shouldn't do that.
hel112570 · -1 points · Posted at 12:02:35 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sorry to have offended you with my post. Perhaps you should start a writing clinic. Invite all your friends. I might even show up. Maybe we'll both learn something.
iTomWright · 192 points · Posted at 11:28:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One of my best friends supposedly lost his virginity in the craziest way. we must have been about 15/16 and everybody was finally getting laid in my friendship group, I think he felt left out because he didn't seem to be getting any female attention (he's a good looking dude, just didn't have much confidence). So we all chill round one of my friends house on a Friday night after school and he wasn't with us, he told us he was going to a family party.
So saturday Morning is now upon us and we meet at around 11am just to go to the park, grab some lunch etc etc and he says with the biggest smile on his face "I lost my virginity yesterday." We're all a little confused because when we lost ours, we text each other straight away (bit strange, but we were close).
This is how he lost his virginity.
"He was at a family party but there was another party full of extremely hot girls next door all our age so he went there with his cousin, both the same age. He starts talking to a slim, beautiful blonde girl and they really hit it off. Anyway, they're in the Master bedroom getting it on in the parents bed. They're going for around 2 hours and the Dad smashes the door down and he is COMPLETELY naked. The dad charges at him with a baseball bat and misses his head by an inch. He then proceeded to run to the balcony, JUMP OUT THE 2ND FLOOR with no clothes on and sprint down the street with his little friend dangling around. The whole house are now apparently chasing him and his other cousin coincedentally is drving a convertable past him so he jumps, FUCKING JUMPS into the car and gets a lift home?
He still proceeds to say this is true. He's never mentioned the girls name, the location of this party or get this cousin to back up his claim. I'm not even sure he has a cousin?!
Other than lying, he's a decent dude, doesn't normally lie about anything drastic.
WajinaSloth · 23 points · Posted at 20:31:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The thing I dont get is why is the dad naked...
twistedpants · 38 points · Posted at 16:16:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He has incredible staying power for a first timer. Lol
Girl I knows story was crazier. I've posted elsewhere but to summarise she " lost her virginity" to a guy twice her age when she was 14, on the back of a motorbike, going 70 mph, on the M1. ( large very busy road In the uk)
[deleted] · 10 points · Posted at 17:48:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
twistedpants · 20 points · Posted at 18:00:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah.... we asked that. Apparently it was full penatrative sex in the missionary position. Her laid back head towards the handles, him on top steering, and thrusting... and accelerating....
I'm not sure entirely how it would work but that's what she described
the_true_Bladelord · 7 points · Posted at 18:26:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It wouldn't. lol
Props to her for creativity though.
KrivenRaven · 2 points · Posted at 03:13:29 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I look forward to her erotica showing up on the Kindle store.
mrkingnothing · 7 points · Posted at 19:06:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I can't even unzip my fucking jacket pocket on my motorcycle let alone get laid on it.
cpt_pancreas · 2 points · Posted at 23:51:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Given those fucking 50 zones around Nottingham its not ENTIRELY implausible... ( /s obviously)
charlesml3 · 7 points · Posted at 19:12:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sounds a lot like one of my friends in HS. So same sort of start, we're all at "that age" where it starts to happen. Pat was first and nobody was surprised. He didn't talk about it a lot. So a couple of weeks later we're all standing out before school starts and Rob suddenly finds an empty condom wrapper in his pocket and it "reminded him" that he'd gotten laid the night before. Now, let's just stop there. You're a guy, in your teens in front of your buddies. If you got laid, there's not going to be any need for anything to remind you of it.
Anyway, this goes on all day. "Glad I found that wrapper. I'd totally forgotten about it!" Then he'd suddenly realize: "25% of the people in this truck have had sex!" Everyone knew he was making the shit up.
Personally, I was a late bloomer. Wasn't until I was 19 and I didn't give a damn. They'd all ask and I'd just say "Nope, not yet." They'd laugh and I'd just shrug.
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 23:57:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Any teenage boy whose losing virginity story doesn't portray him as a 2-pump chump is a liar.
JComposer84 · 2 points · Posted at 21:12:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
see, I avoid people that make up extravagant lies for seemingly no reason, because if they are lying about this nonsensical event, than you can be damn sure they'll lie when their backs are against the wall.
Cylon_Toast · 1 points · Posted at 22:01:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wow, why would they have to drive back if they were right next door?
anschelsc · 1 points · Posted at 23:03:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Presumably they were driving away from the angry mob, so they needed to go closer than right next door.
Cylon_Toast · 2 points · Posted at 23:58:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ah, I assumed "drove home" meant back to where the party was taking place because I thought it was his house. But now that I reread it it only says "family party" so I guess his house is somewhere else.
anschelsc · 1 points · Posted at 23:03:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Why would you doubt him???
ioncehadalife · 1 points · Posted at 23:41:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Virginity-related stuff in high school can make the most modest kids make up some slightly far-fetched story so they can say they're not a virgin.
tomato_paste · 1 points · Posted at 03:53:07 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's either a teen movie or a very interesting party.
ZombieDrums · 1 points · Posted at 09:59:09 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Are you telling me naked people jumping into convertibles isn't normal?!
iTomWright · 1 points · Posted at 10:22:19 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Are you my friend?!
Thorolf_Kveldulfsson · 1 points · Posted at 22:15:16 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He heard the phrase "It's easier to get away with a big lie than a small one" and took it three dozen steps too far
[deleted] · 633 points · Posted at 10:24:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My ex. She went on and on about what she did last night while I knew that she sexted her ex as he was right there with me.
octochan · 169 points · Posted at 12:11:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Here's to hoping you've moved on to better things, mate.
[deleted] · 123 points · Posted at 12:21:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Thanks man. It was hard but I am over her now. She was not a nice person.
Real_Adam_Sandler · -2 points · Posted at 20:30:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Few things are better than sluts
darkfrost47 · 54 points · Posted at 12:16:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
And he replied while sitting right next to you or he told you what was happening or what?
[deleted] · 127 points · Posted at 12:19:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
She texted him and he was an old friend which she didn't know about. So he showed the text and said what shall I do. I asked him to see if she was just messing with him or not. Apparently not and that she still "had feelings for him".
Jacosion · 139 points · Posted at 13:22:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
You should have gotten him to invite her over. And then answered the door yourself. Or maybe wait until she was on top of him and then give her a reach around while yelling "surprise!".
Edit: I know what a reach around is. I'm saying OP should have "reached around" and gotten a fist full of vagina.
the_dirtiest · 250 points · Posted at 14:10:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I think you're confused as to what a reach around is. Or I'm confused as to what a reach around is.
LevelSevenLaserLotus · 21 points · Posted at 15:43:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Maybe she's in Thailand. Maybe it's Maybelline.
Longshorebroom0 · 6 points · Posted at 16:29:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Maybe neither of you are and /u/jacosion knows something about her that we don't ಠ_ಠ
YouBoxEmYouShipEm · 4 points · Posted at 17:34:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Somebody tell me what a reacharound is!
gnorty · 40 points · Posted at 18:33:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
when a man loves another man very much, and is giving him a special cuddle from behind, he might want to reach around to the front to make the cuddle a little bit more special.
Doesnt-Comprehend · 10 points · Posted at 20:59:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Cuddles that end in puddles
Reverand_Dave · 7 points · Posted at 19:55:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is the best thing I've read today.
Sectoid_Dev · 2 points · Posted at 19:41:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Either way, it's the courteous thing to do!
MrGMinor · 2 points · Posted at 16:20:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You could reach around a girl to rub the clit.
Li0nhead · 0 points · Posted at 16:36:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Or 'she' is not a she.
Aurfore · -5 points · Posted at 15:36:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There is the innocent "reach around for a hug" but you're not innocent are you ;)
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 16:30:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I don't think the phrase 'reach around' means what you think it means.
Jacosion · 1 points · Posted at 22:36:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Reach around and hold her. Or reach around and clench her cooter.
Rough_And_Ready · 3 points · Posted at 16:22:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Um, do you know that a reach around is the term used for when a guy is fucking another guy from behind and 'reaches around' to stroke the other dude's dick? I think that would've surprised both of them to be honest.
dinosaurcigarettes · 2 points · Posted at 15:41:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Should have given her a David Blaine
Edit:Unfortunately all of the youtube videos I could find are censored.
Wyneon · 2 points · Posted at 14:40:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Or maybe not spend effort and energy in doing something you should heal from as soon as possible.
Acidbubu · 1 points · Posted at 15:32:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
perfect setup for a threesome.
Grayslake_Gisox · 2 points · Posted at 15:18:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I wouldn't want to be OP in this situation but I'm getting a pretty hard justice boner from this.
ZombieDrums · 2 points · Posted at 09:28:40 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wow... Glad she's an ex now. Sorry to hear about that BS she pulled!
Cullen_Bohanon · 5 points · Posted at 12:15:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
And she did this to a doctor no less!
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 12:21:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I am Groot.
willun · 2 points · Posted at 13:04:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dr Groot! Didn't do 6 years in medical school for nothing. Hahaha.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:28:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Still in the med school though.
willun · 1 points · Posted at 13:37:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When you get really really good, you get promoted from Dr to Mr. Well, in the UK at least. Then you will just be Groot.
davinhci · 1 points · Posted at 18:35:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So did you fuck him to get back at her?? '___'
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:54:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
No, but she really tried hard to apologize and get back. I insulted her multiple times so I knida did.
scoytt · 1 points · Posted at 23:21:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This sounds like a fight-club-type situation where iamdrgroot is in fact the ex she's sexted.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:52:30 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I wish that were true. Way better than being cheated on.
scoytt · 2 points · Posted at 01:10:36 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Personally I'd rather be cheated on than discover that I'm schizophrenic, but sorry for your pain mate.
SadGhoster87 · 1 points · Posted at 23:23:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wait wait wait... so... did she sext you?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:50:27 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
No, told me she's going to bed but was sexting her ex (my friend) who was right there with me at that time.
[deleted] · 304 points · Posted at 11:56:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not exactly a lie she told, but I know this girl Jasmine who I used to go to camp with. She would constantly try to be involved in a story even if she had no idea what we were talking about.
My friend decided to bring in the savagery when we were talking about restaurants. He said he had been to this really awesome tiki themed place in downtown Toronto. This girl, being from Toronto said she had been and that it was really cool.
Thomas said one thing.
"It doesn't exist."
LamZeppelin · 52 points · Posted at 16:26:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have a friend like that but I think he legitimately believes he was there, either because he's heard the story already and his brain inserts him into it or he just has a bad memory. Another friend and I would be telling a story and this friend would be like "Oh yeah, that was awesome when that happened" and we'd tell him that he wasn't there and he seemed genuinely confused. Though, he would always admit if he was wrong
Anouther · 20 points · Posted at 18:27:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm that guy. A girl slapped me for poking her and I didn't even remember it, but everyone else there insisted it happened. I usually shrug and go along with it.
I'm still unsure if my friends are trolling me or if my memory is really that bad. I would remember that. I think.
LamZeppelin · 11 points · Posted at 18:46:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
lol that is a weird one. That actually reminds me of something similar. Back in high school I was eating lunch in the cafeteria with some friends (not all friends). The one person I didn't like at the table was lightly being made fun of for something inconsequential by the guys that were his friends. I monotonously chimed in with the word "ha" and he just reaches over and slaps me, pretty hard. Now, my reaction was to stand up and cock back to throw a fist and his reaction was to panic, stay seated, and close his eyes. Unfortunately, in standing up I gathered attention from the Vice Principal/ teachers/ coaches and couldn't just decapitate this guy in front of them. So I left as to not get in trouble. The reason I tell this story is the motherfucker tried to act like nothing ever happened. Ever since, any time he'd try to come talk to me, I would just glare silently at him until he left. Eventually, he got the idea and stopped coming around but it was just crazy how disconnected he was from reality.
It only bothers me because I could have literally broken his neck if I had let myself hit him as hard as I wanted to at the time, and he didn't even seem to realize what he had done. I'm glad I have enough self control
XiggiSergei · 6 points · Posted at 19:07:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Shame; maybe you woulda knocked some sense into him. You hit someone who doesn't even like you and you best be expecting to get knocked the fuck out at the very least. Good call on the discretion though; you would have gotten in the shit and he would have been free to make up stories until someone pulled cameras to discredit him. Did you beat his ass later, or did you just let it go and resolve to never be around him again?
Also, I think I witnessed something similar in high school. One of my earliest memories of watching someone else make a Herculean mistake and feeling real pity because I knew that kid was doomed and wasn't smart enough to get it. Now that I think about it, it was the exact situation you're describing lol Your name isnt Zach is it? Probably not. xD
LamZeppelin · 5 points · Posted at 19:26:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
No, I'm not Zach lol This was in Texas probably 5 or 6 years ago, if that helps. Although there was a Zach at the table - so, close.
Yeah, I never went back at him. I don't think I ever even said anything to him again. Though, It probably would have been healthier for me to do something about it, instead of bottling it up, but I was in basketball and didn't want to get kicked off the team or hurt my hand or anything.
It's weird how clearly I remember that moment of standing up and wanting so badly to just tear him apart but seeing the "authorities" start to eye me cautiously. And then turning back to him to feel sad for him. His eyes were still closed just waiting to get hit. Like, his hands were gripping the chair he was sitting on and I was standing over him; the leverage alone would probably break some bones in his head/ my hands. Then add in the near- blind rage I was experiencing with the adderall I was on at the time - all on top of high school hormones rushing through me and I'm still surprised I was able to think logically in that moment. Lol I was so pissed when I left that I went to the wrong class for like 10 minutes before realizing it. Lol fuck you Conner
XiggiSergei · 6 points · Posted at 19:46:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's scary how similar this situation is to the time I experienced; down to the time period too lol xD Zach was a heavy Addy user at the time. We skipped the next class because teachers knew he was trying not to beat the guy's ass and he had a history of doing that/blackout rages, so, you know, "hey, XiggiSergei, we know you're good friends; can you please take him for a walk so he doesn't kill [Chad Bro] and we don't have to Expell him. A for effort." This is a guy who will probably have hand issues for the rest of his life because he punched a wall rather than the kid's face. You came out much better than Zach did from the situation haha
LamZeppelin · 5 points · Posted at 20:20:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hahaha the the similarities are freaky. And that sounds like something that would happen at my school- "hey, go take care of your friend, I don't want to have to deal with this" - teacher. I'm not gonna say I don't have hand/ wall issues but I'm improving lol
XiggiSergei · 3 points · Posted at 20:25:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Improving is all there is to do, man :) no way out but up. It's been probably five and a half years since I've seen Zach but he cut back the Adderall and had a kid, probably around the same time lol I hope that Connor kid learned not to get slap happy with strangers, because in the real world that's a Darwinian personality trait that'll probably put you in the hospital
LamZeppelin · 1 points · Posted at 21:32:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Haha closing your eyes and clinching your chair in fear is also a bad Darwinian response. I hope Zach and his family are doing well and I'd be fine if I never heard of Conner again lol
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 00:53:08 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
This happens to me too. Either I just don't remember something or I remember it wrong. Apparently my mom gas lighted me a lot when I was younger and it kinda fucked up my memories.
Anouther · 1 points · Posted at 16:02:04 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
I hate that shit. RBN.
Rysinor · 1 points · Posted at 22:44:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is my life. Every day. :(
Gate_of_Stars · 1 points · Posted at 22:33:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know a guy who does exactly this, except without the admission that he was mistaken. Our whole group has learned to stop calling him out on it, we just give each other looks and move on
wyveraryborealis · 18 points · Posted at 18:15:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There actually is a pretty well known tiki place in Toronto, though, so it's entirely possible she wasn't full of shit that time!
inco15 · 4 points · Posted at 23:08:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
you talking about the one in Liberty Village? That place is so fucking weird.
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 18:01:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I used to have friends like this. They mostly just claimed they liked a lot of things that my other friends and I liked (bands, movies, shows, etc.) but never had anything to contribute to conversations we had about them. So a friend of mine and I told a story about a band that we liked (we used a name that another friend came up with for her band if she ever started one) and we started to talk about how we bought tickets for their next NY show, and our other friends got upset that we didn't tell them we were buying tickets because they wanted to go too.
Caught them on that one pretty quickly, and the lies pretty much stopped after that.
alien-bacon · 2 points · Posted at 20:59:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm pretty sure there might now be a tiki theme bar now...
ShaneDAWS0N · 2 points · Posted at 21:47:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've been there, the staff pretty much ignore you and the food is over priced.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:50:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This was years and years ago, also I should mention he went into gritty details like how they swirl firerods and shit when they serve you.
ShaneDAWS0N · 1 points · Posted at 22:17:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In my comment I was pretending to be someone that lies. So saying "I've been there." Followed by really vague details about the place was all something a liar would say.
You may have missed the stupid joke I tried to make though.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 23:03:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Woosh...
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 22:36:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not to doubt you but there are quite a few Tiki-themed bars in Toronto...Did he just make up a fake bar?
http://www.blogto.com/eat_drink/2013/11/the_top_5_tiki_bars_in_toronto/
edit: My bad, I'm guessing the guy made up a fake bar and she 'knew all about it' because she's a GODDAMN liar!
ace-murdock · 1 points · Posted at 17:19:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have a friend that does this and it drives me crazy. I think she's just insecure, but sometimes I have trouble straight up calling her out on things. I usually feel bad afterwards :(
Honolula · 3 points · Posted at 18:11:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I feel bad for her, she seems like she's just trying to be relevant to the conversation and baiting her to lie and calling her out is cruel.
ace-murdock · 4 points · Posted at 18:34:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well, it does get really frustrating, and one hopes that maybe getting called out once or twice would help them recognize their behavior. But yeah, it usually comes from low self esteem.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:58:27 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm great like that.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 03:35:38 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
MY BOY!
OuttaSightVegemite · 1 points · Posted at 06:51:08 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
What was her reaction?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 12:16:33 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
She looked all embaressed and their was an awkward silence for a few seconds.
ZombieDrums · 1 points · Posted at 09:44:39 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Fuck yeah, go Thomas!
polaralo · 1 points · Posted at 14:41:51 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My coworkers were making up a pretend restaurant where they would cook dolphin and whale meat on lava and rocks. The day after they talked about this pretend restaurant an other of our coworkers goes up to the girl that started talking about said imaginary place and told her " hey, i went to that restaurant you where talking about in Montreal, the whale was really good" and goes on to talk about how cool it was before someone ruins the fun by telling him it was all imaginary.
He's a fun co-worker. Last week he was telling me about his friend who has a bald eagle...
noseham · 35 points · Posted at 12:41:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've done activities in a dementia care nursing home. When people lose their memory, they sometimes make stories up to fill the gap. This is called confabulation.
One day I was teaching a group of seniors how to make native american baskets. So I gathered the supplies and all the participants, and began by saying "Today we're going to learn how to make traditional Native American pine-needle baskets."
One of the guys, let's call him Lloyd, says very matter-of-factly "I was making those baskets WAAAY before the Native Americans!" (He's white, btw.)
Normally I can contain myself if someone says something a bit silly, but this time I couldn't help it and started laughing due to the sheer absurdity of his claim. Of course, this just makes Lloyd angry.
"What, you don't believe me?! I've been making those baskets my whole life! I STILL make those baskets! I make those baskets every day!"
At this point, all I could do was stifle my laughter while resisting the urge to ask him to lead the class. I said "I believe you, Lloyd" and quickly moved on to my instructions before he became escalated.
SteveMarcus · 6 points · Posted at 20:55:27 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sounds like a real basket case
rustedhoot · 3 points · Posted at 23:51:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This made me crack up, thank you.
JennLegend3 · 91 points · Posted at 12:09:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Okay so when I was a kid (5-12 years old) I was best friends with a girl I'll call Ann. Ann came up with crazy shit. Her whole family was a bit unstable and she was definitely insecure about a lot of things. Anyway...some examples of her lies....
She went on some website that was basically pictures of teenage guys that looked like the guys from Blink 182. She found one that looked like the singer Tom, and printed the picture and taped it to her mirror. She told me it was her boyfriend. She would "call" him and have fake conversations with him in front of me. She would also tell me all about how they hung out and she gave him blow jobs.
The way more unusual lie she came up with was Fishy Face and Cat Piss. Yeah. So this was back in the 90's so we didn't have cell phones and telephone technology was just kind of basic. It's kind of hard to explain what she did. Basically, we would be talking on the phone and suddenly she would pretend to be an Asian woman named Fishy Face. Occasionally, she would be Fishy Face's son, you guessed it, Cat Piss. I can't remember exactly what she would say when she was being these people, but I'm sure it was something weird and sexual. She blamed it on them picking up on our phone signal or something like that.
I'm sure there's more but those are what stick out in my memory the most. It was weird and I have no idea why I went along with it as if I believed it. I think I felt bad for her and didn't want to embarrass her.
KitchenSwillForPigs · 9 points · Posted at 22:44:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I get going along with it. I used to date a guy in high school who claimed to be a Navy Seal (we were 14) and would always have to leave early from our hanging out to go on secret missions. He also claimed to get in fights every day of his life and that he had "super sonic hearing." He, apparently also had titanium plates in his hand and shoulder, for reasons unknown. I knew it was all complete bullshit, but he was really hot, so I just went with it.
Later, he moved to South Carolina to live with his dad, we stayed in contact and even sort of kept dating long distance. I stopped talking to him because he started bragging about having sex with a girl named Kate. When I got mad, and he tried to fix it by claiming Kate had died. All in the same breath.
JennLegend3 · 2 points · Posted at 23:03:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well I'm sure the Navy Seals are always looking for young new recruits like him! But that's really funny. Yeah I think I went along with it because she was my best friend for as long as I could remember and I didn't want to embarrass her by calling her out.
[deleted] · 16 points · Posted at 14:44:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
JennLegend3 · 18 points · Posted at 14:53:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yes. Like we were in the middle of a conversation and she would suddenly act like an Asian woman. Have you ever heard of people picking up their neighbors phone calls on a baby monitor? It was kind of like that. But not real and ubsurd.
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 15:04:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
JennLegend3 · 19 points · Posted at 15:23:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah I mean it could happen. It just didn't. And who the fuck is named Fishy Face and Cat Piss? That's wicked racist.
[deleted] · 4 points · Posted at 15:34:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
JennLegend3 · 2 points · Posted at 16:29:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
No not at all
AyyLMAOdazdank · 3 points · Posted at 18:14:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well, I mean, someone out there is named Cat Piss, eh?
JennLegend3 · 1 points · Posted at 18:16:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There could be. But I kinda doubt it.
Ristake · 2 points · Posted at 23:10:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Happened to me once. I was on the phone with my buddy playing Diablo 2 and we started hearing some older males having a conversation about UFO's. The crossed call lasted for under a minute.
It was strange they couldn't hear us trying to talk to them.
JennLegend3 · 2 points · Posted at 02:51:21 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah I mean that shit happens. But usually they can't hear you. But we could have full two way comversations.
emmster · 2 points · Posted at 00:02:07 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
It used to happen pretty frequently. The base station would pick up snippets from a nearby handset if it was on the same frequency. It was usually pretty garbled and staticky, though. The other phone had to be nearby, though, so Fishy Face and Cat Piss would have had to be her neighbors.
JennLegend3 · 1 points · Posted at 02:54:29 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
She lived in a pretty remote area. Her only neighbors for probably at least a mile radius, were her relatives. Definitely not an Asian mother and son. And the town they lived in was predominantly white. Like super racist white people. I'm pretty sure if anyone that wasn't Caucasian lived there, they would "disappear". Especially if their names were Fishy Face and Cat Piss.
Edit: a word
ialsohaveadobro · 4 points · Posted at 08:12:07 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I don't know. Fishy Face and Cat Piss sound like survivors to me. Kind of a Boy Named Sue type of deal.
JennLegend3 · 1 points · Posted at 12:18:05 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah I didn't think of that. Maybe they were just a really tough family.
Alexstarfire · 5 points · Posted at 18:18:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That second story sounds hilarious from an outside perspective. Just so outlandishly ridiculous.
JennLegend3 · 1 points · Posted at 18:39:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah it's totally outlandish
Aleutienne · 31 points · Posted at 12:06:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When I was in middle school, the compulsive liar eleven year old friend I had told me that she played quidditch. The story went that her older sister was in college and they had a kind of 'Hogwarts camp' and she was just so cool and mature that they invited her too. In the college gym, they had a whole complex wire system that lifted the teams into the air on broomsticks. At one point, I think I skeptically asked how the bludgers and snitch worked. Of course she had no explanation.
At this point, I knew she was a liar, but being a non confrontational eleven year old, I just kind of gave her the disinterested 'oh yeah, that's cool I guess' response. I think this pissed her off, because her lying generally was meant to excite her friends into rabid jealousy and infighting with each other about who she was going to take with her to do this cool, amazing, impossible thing. So my disinterest was probably worse than getting called out on it, because getting called out would spur us into a whole new drama of middle school proportions, and she subsisted on that.
So she just doubled down over and over again, trying to sweeten the deal so I would beg to go with her - until basically it was a real Hogwarts summer camp, with real magic and real broomsticks and, to her fury, I was still just like 'yeah, cool' and changing the subject, and not taking the bait of her 'well, I think there might be a spot open this weekend' and falling all over myself to be her best friend for the week and get the invite (that would of course fall through at the last minute).
ZaitoUTAU · 4 points · Posted at 22:21:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Playing Quidditch is actually a real thing, but nothing like that. When I was on my local library's teen team, we had someone put on a yellow shirt and run around with a piece of fabric stuffed in the back of their pants. We'd use regular balls as well and we'd have people holding hoola hoops as the targets. The best part was that a mother donated a ton of broomsticks she picked up wholesale I think and we'd run around with them in between our legs. Good times.
Self-Aware · 3 points · Posted at 23:05:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've heard of dodgeballs used as bludgers, sounds like good fun.
[deleted] · 7 points · Posted at 15:29:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This so sad. The girl was probably desperately lonely.
Aleutienne · 8 points · Posted at 18:42:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Meh, she had a group of friends that she systematically turned against each other with her lies. If she was lonely, it was because she entertained herself by picking a scapegoat, turning all us little minions against that one until she was 'out', then picking another scapegoat, whittling down a group of probably 9-10 girls down until she was alone.
Yeah, she was a kid, but she knew what she was doing. It's sad that she has these issues, but it was a result of pathological attention seeking through whatever methods necessary. She was a mean, selfish little thing who took joy in making other girls miserable and, as it seems on Facebook, she's grown into a mean, selfish woman angry at the world for not giving her the attention she deserves.
[deleted] · 6 points · Posted at 01:00:54 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to minimise the awful things she has done. She sounds like a truly terrible person I only meant that I feel sad that she couldn't figure out how to live a life to be proud of. To destroy every piece of friendship offered her must make her feel even more lonely, knowing that no one wants to be her friend because her actions are toxic to others. I hope she is able to change so she can experience friendship, contentment and happiness. I hope you are happy now and that her misery has not sunk into and infected you too.
Aleutienne · 3 points · Posted at 17:04:33 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know you mean well, but you should really know how condescending and patronizing this comes off. You 'hope her misery...hasn't infected' me too? You do understand that implies that you've picked up that I'm also a mean miserable human?
All in all, this really comes across like backhanded, false sympathy, using an expression of totally unsolicited concern to totally nail someone with unkindness. All because I told a ridiculous story about an over the top lie I got told almost 20 years ago. Jeez.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 17:22:56 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Thanks for being honest, I had no idea I come across that way. I honestly meant well and apologize that I didn't appear to. Edit rereading the comment I made I wrote the last line thinking it was a situation about the step sister being awful, not a schoolmate. I confused the posts.
the_lettuce_avenger · 133 points · Posted at 12:20:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
This is it. This is the Askreddit I've been waiting for.
Once, I was at my friend's party, and there I met this guy named Cyrus. He seemed pretty cool told me he worked with cars, showed me this car he redesigned, gave it some lights underneath that could change colour, some other strange and possibly illegal changes I can't 100% remember (my friend's sister's crowd were all car crazy, so it didn't seem strange). Anyway, I thought it was really cool he could fix cars and stuff. He said he could fix some problems my mum's car was having, and could teach me a few basic car maintenance tricks. As a girl, no one had ever taught me about cars, so I was very keen.
Anyway, we exchanged numbers and talked for a couple days, after a while he asks me out on a date. I am not interested, I just want to be friends, but thought that hey, why not give it a chance. Then, not 10 mins after, my best friend F, whose part it was, calls me, asking if it was true I'm going on a date with him. She's not really the gossippy type, but I say yes, and she goes "oh, just making sure...". The week preceding my date, Cyrus is calling me constantly, telling me that F doesn't approve, that F's sister is saying nasty shit about him, constantly telling me drama. I am a very drama free person, as is F (but we like hearing about it), so I find this both weird and annoying, and tell him 'I don't care about this drama. F hasn't said anything to me. It's probably just her sister'. That should have been a sign but no. Finally we have dinner. He's super late, I'm regretting everything. He does not shut up with his stories. Usually I'm the keen talker, but get no words in at all. Here are some of the tall tales he spun:
He is a black belt in karate, but has to stop, because once while he was training he fell off a cliff (??) and broke his spine, and now his back pain is too bad to continue.
He was actually one of the voice actors in the Minion movie (it hadn't come out yet at this point.)
He was adamant that Slenderman haunted his house.
I complimented his pink shirt. He told me he always wears pink every day in some way, because his friend was wearing pink when he died. "Aw," I say. "That's so sad, and sweet." He doesn't stop. On the day his friend died, they were walking down their estate, and suddenly some random guys he'd never seen before came and stabbed his friend 37 times in the chest (specifically, that number. I asked. He said he counted.), and then they ran off. He held his friends in his hands (at this point he is acting it out in the middle of Nandos) and said "mate! mate! can you here me!" and his friend said ".....cyrus ...(and he did the croaky dead persons voice and everything.) ...avenge...me.." and then he pretended to suddenly die and actually stuck his tongue out. I was actually stunned. He was 100% serious. Then he told me he swore he would murder the guy who killed him's brother, because his friend was like a brother to him. The heated vows of murder stirred some strange looks. When consulting my friend S, also at the party we met, he told me Cyrus told him the same story, except he was wearing pink socks. S was really drunk though, so walked off in the middle of his story. I get the feeling this story may be partly true but exaggerated to the point of comedic effect.
The topic moved on to ex's. I was trying to steer the conversation into this territory so that I could explain we weren't right together so I don't want to continue seeing him romantically. He started telling me about his ex, I shall call her Stacey. Stacey really wanted to get married, they were both 19 at that point, and he's not so sure. He speaks to his dad about it and his dad says absolutely not to get married, especially if he doesn't want to. So he goes and tells her that, and she's not too happy. Then one day, she tells him to come to some strange address in a suit. He walks in, and she's there in a wedding dress, her family on one side, his family on the other (even though, you know, his dad was aware he did not want to get married). He ditches her at the alter (cue some more dramatic acting. I think he watched too much Eastenders) Then, they get back together, but she accuses him of cheating on him. This was his response:
"So, I tell her, yeah, no babe, I ain't cheating on you, ok? I would never do that to you. But she says she don't beleive me, right. And I go: alright. Let's go down and get a paternal test, right, like DNA testing? And they test me, and I ain't been cheating, and I say, ok, now you go, so she goes down and gets a DNA test, and guess what? The results came back and actually SHE cheated on ME!"
I go, "wow, so she was pregnant with somebody else's baby?"
He goes, "no she wasn't pregnant."
"So, she got a STD?"
"No, it wasnt that sort of test, it was a DNA test....."
I realised where he has slipped up in his story, and sort of explained it to him. Five minutes after he made a very quick getaway. Never heard from him again.
Meanwhile F tells me he was famed for bullshittery. Her sister, C, wanted some modifications made to her car (I think disco lights under the car for er, parties on the go?) and a guy named Abdul offered to do it for £50. He is Cyrus's best friend. After a couple months, no contact from Abdul. C asks Cyrus where he is, when can he do it. Cyrus tells her very gravely that Abdul had died from a heart attack. He then tells her he can do the car mods she wanted, but for £200. She refused, as its way overpriced. News spreads that Abdul is dead. Then one day, Abdul appears! It turns out he wasn't dead, he went away for a wedding and forgot to tells C + was also procrastinating doing any work, so was sort of avoiding her messaged. At that point, Abdul was the only person who liked Cyrus, and he was FURIOUS. So they kicked him out of their friendship group.
Last time F saw him, he's been hanging out with some 12-14 year old wanna-be 'roadmans' from his estate. He got into a heated argument with a 12 year old boy, and beat him up. F is also highly suspicious he is dating a girl who is 14. Cyrus is 21.
Boy I dodged a bullet there, huh?
JComposer84 · 12 points · Posted at 21:54:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
missed a "C" there and put a full name.
the_lettuce_avenger · 1 points · Posted at 19:49:39 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
thanks, fixed.
matthewsct · 7 points · Posted at 19:13:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The 37 times is from a YouTube video called Llamas with hats in pretty sure
AvraKedaver · 7 points · Posted at 02:20:55 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was thinking the same thing lol! Caaaaaarrl!
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 15:01:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
downhereforyoursoul · 6 points · Posted at 15:28:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
And then he was like, "Fuck off, I got work to do!"
FortyFartz · 3 points · Posted at 18:03:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
THIS IS INCREDIBLE WOW.
FortyFartz · 1 points · Posted at 18:06:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When you use the word estate in this context, what does it mean exactly? also 'roadmans'? sorry. curious.
Self-Aware · 3 points · Posted at 22:59:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Estate is a sort of mini-town within a town.
IHaveNothing2Say · 2 points · Posted at 20:23:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I want to say estate is British slang for projects. Or like a really ghetto neighborhood that poor people live in. No clue about the other word though.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:20:44 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Roadmen are gangsters, very loosely
mynameissomethingels · 1 points · Posted at 02:08:24 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
that story was just a wild ride of emotions. haha
ZombieDrums · 1 points · Posted at 10:09:50 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sounds like a date from hell
TheSovietGoose · 1 points · Posted at 14:19:35 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Damn, now I want Nandos
the_lettuce_avenger · 1 points · Posted at 19:49:16 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
fancy a cheeky nandos? top lad.
the date was so awkward i rushed away, he had barely eaten anything and it pains me that food went to waste. I could have taken some wings home in that cute little cardboard box they do! biggest regret out of whole story
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 20:27:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
Freddybokbok · 2 points · Posted at 01:32:06 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I am pretty sure Cassie is "F"
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:43:26 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
No it was F's sister
imacompulsivetruther · 518 points · Posted at 12:50:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Clearly I'm unwelcome here.
Jamangar · 36 points · Posted at 16:01:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sure
AestheticMonkey · 3 points · Posted at 20:31:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well I ain't calling you a liar!
13justing · 3 points · Posted at 22:27:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I picture you arms akimbo, standing at the door of the saloon, while a bunch of tough-looking men look up at you from their card games and liquor. You had misheard directions for the sherrif's office.
R-Guile · 2 points · Posted at 23:23:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Biggest lie of the thread
Kogster · 1 points · Posted at 08:29:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
According to my mom that was sort of the way I behaved as a kid. I virtually never lied (back then). But would tell the truth whilst glaring at her line "whatcha gonna do 'bout it?". She'd come into the room and ask why my sister was crying and I'd coldly answer "because I hit her". She then answered "why" and tiny my started explaining calmly that sis had messed with my legos or some other horrific crime.
C9_elistone · 30 points · Posted at 12:12:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Chef at my work is a compulsive liar. Everyone has a big list going of the best ones: $30 million dollars in the bank. (Even though he works weekends at a shopping centre cafe and rents a house) He used to make $20000 a day at his old cafe. He used to serve 4000 customers at day by himself. He has killed many people (as a hit man) He can kill for us if we need. He has "died" 3 times. Been stabbed a whole bunch of times. Used to hang out with Carl Williams. (Most notorious Aussie gangster) He is a professional 10 pin bowler which nets him millions. He had bowled 300 between his legs and backwards.
To be honest the staff (including me) don't help the situation as we all wind him up trying to get him to tell us ridiculous things.
eine666katze · 3 points · Posted at 02:46:45 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is some shit that'd be great on Kitchen Nightmares.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 10:50:01 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I think I the place where you work...
maybebabyg · 330 points · Posted at 10:25:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This girl almost got herself banned from a comic convention the year I was working next to bag check. She saved her own ass and got herself a role as the mascot the following year because she was banging the treasurer.
Anyway, that year I was unable to attend and sat it out modding the forums. The reports start rolling in immediately. She's abusing the hell out of attendees. The entire weekend people send in complaints. Finally someone from management gets online and instead of apologising he parrots the story she gave which was that she was 6 months pregnant and had miscarried the day before the event.
Except 6 months is past the point of personhood in our country, it's not classed as a miscarriage but a stillbirth. You would have to go to a hospital for it. And our state has psychiatric holds on mothers for 48 hours after a stillbirth to ensure they're coping and not a threat to themselves or anyone else. Also her boyfriend, the treasurer, told management that was bullshit because the day before the event she was with him all day.
That lie ended her relationship, got her fired and banned from future attendance.
[deleted] · 34 points · Posted at 15:40:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You mean they forcibly detain all mothers who've had stillbirths for 48 hours?
Ivelostmydrum · 31 points · Posted at 16:55:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah that seems like a weird policy. Like i get that she's at a high suicide risk, but being forced to stay in a hospital when you want to just go home to your family seems like it would add to the trauma.
jaytrade21 · 15 points · Posted at 17:16:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's done to make sure the mother doesn't commit suicide from depression and to do a full physical to make sure no other life threatenting injuries occured during the stillbirth I would think.
[deleted] · 9 points · Posted at 18:43:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
But what happens if she just wants to go home, will they forcibly detain her and have her arrested if she escapes?
XiggiSergei · 10 points · Posted at 19:22:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Forcible detention is legal in a lot of states under 5150 if they think you'll hurt yourself or someone else. If I lost my baby, I think that would qualify as extreme emotional distress and I can see a hold being enacted with the symptoms of something like that. With a 5150 they're allowed to restrain and sedate you because you're not qualified to self discharge or have any say legally and are under their care until they decide you can leave. If you fight under a 5150 they very much can involve law enforcement if they can't control you, but usually it's big ass orderlies and a needle filled with sleepy juice; I don't know about this situation.
Tl;dr depending on the wording of this particular law, yes, they very much could. See; USA's 5150 involuntary psychiatric hold.
[deleted] · 11 points · Posted at 19:38:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I understand being detained if there are symptoms of being a danger to yourself, but it seems awful to detain someone simply because they've had a stillbirth, being upset is a normal reaction after that. It could be even more distressing being detained against your will after that. Being held against your will and threatened with assault and sedation just because you've had a stillbirth. That's awful.
jaytrade21 · 6 points · Posted at 19:48:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's also a medical issue: if you fell down and injured yourself and refused treatment, but the doctors can plainly see without treatment that you could die or be permanantly injured w/o treatment then, yes, you will be detained for your own good. The laws vary from state to state, country to country, but the idea is not punishment but precaution.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 08:28:54 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well, I see it as a freedom issue. I think it's really strange that americans always bang on about being a free country but you can be detained and treated against your will when you aren't even psychotic.
Bmuzyka · 0 points · Posted at 18:02:55 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
The first thing a psychotic person is going to say is, "I'm not psychotic!"
XiggiSergei · 2 points · Posted at 19:47:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I certainly agree with you there. It sounds like adding insult to injury to me.
sericatus · 0 points · Posted at 05:25:09 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
It scares me that you could go through that but not show any symptoms of being depressed and or a threat to yourself.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 08:10:53 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
There is a huge difference between being upset because something awful has happened, and actually being clinically depressed/psychotic and a danger to yourself. Being a threat to yourself is NOT a normal reaction to a stillbirth.
sericatus · 1 points · Posted at 13:33:29 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
So what symptoms are you talking about then?
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 13:37:20 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Being upset and crying are normal reactions that nobody should be sectioned for after that. Actual symptoms requiring hospitalisation would be things like trying to harm yourself, or threatening to do so. Not just crying because your baby is dead. By that logic, we should hospitalise everybody who is bereaved, everyone who has just lost a parent, spouse or sibling, just in case they are a danger to themselves! It's ridiculous.
sericatus · -1 points · Posted at 13:57:15 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Nobody is saying they are being detained just for crying.
Statistically, do you know how unlikely it is for a woman not to have these feelings in that situation. It's almost exactly comparable to the rate of anti social personality disorder in people.
So you think we should wait until they actually try to hurt themselves, and then see if it's not too late?
It seems like you're offended by this, but have no thoughtful alternative.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 14:10:56 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I don't know what comment you are referring to, but the original comment I was referring to was about a law in a particular state that automatically detains ALL women for 48 hours after a stillbirth. So they aren't even being detained for crying, they are being detained for nothing at all. And are you really saying that most women want to harm themselves after a stillbirth? I've known several women who've had stillbirths and miscarriages and none had thoughts of self-harm. Luckily though I live in a country that actually respects a woman's freedom and doesn't forcibly detain her for nothing.
"So you think we should wait until they actually try to hurt themselves, and then see if it's not too late?" This is silly. They should be detained if they've shown actual symptoms of being a danger to themselves. And what is magical about 48 hours anyway? What's to make you think they won't just act normally for 48 hours so they can be discharged and then go and harm themselves if they really want to?
Yes, it is offensive to think that there are some places in the world where women are automatically treated like psychotic children who can't be trusted just because they've had a tragic event happen to them. The alternative is clearly to only detain people who've shown actual clinical signs of being a risk to themselves, the same as in any other situation. Would you detain somebody who'd lost their parent, sibling or spouse, just because they've been bereaved? And why not detain the father of the stillborn child, or is it only women who are too crazy to be trusted? But, whatever. You honestly can't see how wrong detaining people against their will is when they have shown no signs of being abnormal so there is no point continuing this. I'm just grateful I don't live in a country as crazy as yours.
sericatus · -1 points · Posted at 14:40:52 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
So there's a 90% chance that this woman will feel serious depression and or thoughts of hurting herself for these two days, but it's irresponsible to do anything about that.
You keep saying "wait until she's shown symptoms", without mentioning what those symptoms are supposed to be.
Yes, it infringes on her free will. To very likely save her life in a time when she's clearly in need of help of some sort. But no, just let her go home alone I'm sure she's capable of making that decision, people who are seriously thinking about hurting themselves always show obvious symptoms first derp derp.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 14:51:50 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've already said what the symptoms are. Trying to hurt herself or threatening to do so. The same symptoms that would get somebody sectioned in any other circumstance. You've failed to explain why only the woman is being detained, why not the father, and why don't we detain other people who've been bereaved? I don't believe it's 90% for a second. You've also failed to explain what magic happens after 48 hours that means she's no longer at risk. You are not "very likely" saving their life. I work in healthcare. I deal with people in this situation. I've had numerous friends and relatives who've had stillbirths, and, while they were upset, not a single one had thoughts of harming herself. Not a single one did harm herself. And who says they are going home alone? She is probably going home to her family to be comforted by her husband and parents in the comfort of her own home. But you'd rather hold her against her will on a miserable hospital ward. You know most countries don't detain these women, right? And, despite the statistic you quoted, these other countries don't have 90% of their women killing or harming themselves after a stillbirth. You say the woman is clearly in need of help of some sort. Maybe the help that she needs is to be respected as an adult who can make her own decisions about where she'd feel most comfortable going to recover and mourn her loss. But think whatever you like, I've no interest in having an endless reddit conversation.
sericatus · -1 points · Posted at 15:10:06 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
So, like I said, then you denied, you want to wait until she actually does something. "Seeking help" isn't a symptom of wanting to hurt yourself. So you will send them home alone, and if they hurt themselves, help them then, if they're still alive. Nice plan. I'm sure your anecdotes are a better basis for policy making than statistics.
u38cg2 · 2 points · Posted at 21:30:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I would imagine that it's an option they have, not something they do every single time.
Vixoramen · 3 points · Posted at 14:25:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
which country?
jefferlewpew · 3 points · Posted at 19:36:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You gotta keep it believable when you're trying to get out of work - granny is in hospital, beloved pet has died, maybe crack out a funeral if you're confident that person won't actually die soon
icarus14 · 2 points · Posted at 16:06:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's so fucked up
ConsultJimMoriarty · 2 points · Posted at 21:44:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
...was this Manifest?
pdgeorge · 1 points · Posted at 22:45:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Why would you say that?
ConsultJimMoriarty · 1 points · Posted at 23:15:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Because it sounds like the type of pointless drama that Manifest engaged in?
Samazon · 1 points · Posted at 14:52:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Abusing attendees how?
[deleted] · 17 points · Posted at 15:46:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
forcing cosplayers of the same character to fight in brutal hand to hand combat, to determine who is worthy.
greenhawk22 · 12 points · Posted at 16:22:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That isnt abuse, that is their right. If you ever find a clone if yourself, you must fight to see who is superior.
komahinae · 112 points · Posted at 12:12:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was friends with this batshit crazy girl a couple of years ago who for some reason wanted everyone to think she was really promiscuous. This girl was sixteen and I think this was probably tied to some body image/self esteem thing - she was very overweight and pretty unattractive to be honest.
She would tell me stories about how she'd hooked up with complete strangers in increasingly ridiculous situations - my personal favourite being the stranger she'd supposedly fucked in a tent at a gaming convention to get back at her ex.
Eventually she admitted to us sorrowfully that this life of promiscuity was taking its toll on her and she'd decided to stop sleeping around after the emotional trauma caused by getting - are you ready - three abortions in one week. Less than a month later she was telling a friend about how she was lucky that she could have as much unprotected sex as possible because she was infertile (details were vague on how and why).
I stopped being friends with her after she lied about attempting suicide, telling an elaborate story about a jogger finding her hanging in the woods and saving her life
Fuck that girl
VictorianUndead · 22 points · Posted at 16:33:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I literally facepalmed at "three abortions in one week".
I also knew a hypersexualized drama queen fat girl who coincidentally made up all types of stories similar to the ones yours did. Plus mine pretended to have problems at home despite being a spoiled only child from a decently stable and well-off family, and sometimes showed up at school with gauze and bandages wrapped on her arms or wearing a big plastic boot- like the kind you wear after you sprain or fracture your foot.... this dragged up so many cringey memories.
komahinae · 6 points · Posted at 17:25:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wow if it weren't for the only child part I'd ask if this were the same person! She would tell us about her abusive family and how her brother was the only one she could trust- except at some point along the way she started implying he had groomed her from a young age.
She also had a Tumblr (of course) that she used as a sort of diary, describing in a lot of detail the...pretty messed up...dreams she had. A lot of the time these involved me or our mutual friends in either really violent or explicit situations.
It's so sad that some people feel the need to do these things for attention
VictorianUndead · 6 points · Posted at 17:29:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ha! I'm sure mine has moved onto tumblr by now.... I kicked her to the curb when we were young enough that we still thought Gaia Online was cool. She had a multitude of online boyfriends, posted suicide threats to these online boyfriends on her online journal.... last I saw she started working at a gas station in our hometown.
Lord, I hope these girls grow up. I feel so bad for them.
DigiDuncan · 2 points · Posted at 06:08:36 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Where did she even get a plastic boot?
VictorianUndead · 1 points · Posted at 12:51:13 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Maybe one of her parents had a sprain or something at some point? The only person in her household who wasn't on their ass 24/7 was her dad.
Otherwise: uhhh... internet?
souHad · 3 points · Posted at 18:49:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's the problem, no one would
komahinae · 3 points · Posted at 19:13:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Have to admit that made me laugh...
Unfortunately someone definitely did, she met a boy on the Internet and everytime he came over she would post Snapchats of them lying naked in bed together, kissing, and at one point during foreplay. It was nasty.
BitterlySarcastic · 3 points · Posted at 00:17:03 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wasn't that the whole problem?
TurtlesBeFree · 3 points · Posted at 11:59:33 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I had a best friend who lied about a suicide attempt when we were in highschool. Carl was depressed about his recent breakup and stopped coming to school regularly. He would show up maybe a couple days of the week for only half days, coming in at lunch. Our group of friends would walk to his house every other day after school to check on him when he didn't show.
One night while I'm online on myspace (it was 2008) I receive an IM from Carl, except that it wasn't carl. It was his roomate at the hospital getting on his account to spread news to his friends that he is not okay and may die tonight. "The roomate" describes his self inflicted injuries... that there's a severed artery in his left arm, and a knife embedded in his neck. It was a very long night that day that consisted of back and forth messages for hours between "the roomate" and myself.
The roomate had apparently pulled a fuckin night shift because when I went to school the next morning everyone in the group had talked to the same roomate the night before. Some of us had conversations online with this roomate and some were contacted using Carl's cell phone via text message. It was decided we would all go visit our depressed friend at the hospital that day after classes.
When we asked for him at the hospital nobody could tell us where he was. We thought the worst and went straight to his house where his mom answered the door and said he wasn't feeling well. She seemed to not know anything about him being at a hospital. She spoke little english so it was hard explaining everything to her. we came over every single day after day for weeks.
A couple weeks pass by like this until he opens the door himself one day instead of his mother. In that first reunion It became evident that the whole thing was a hoax. There were no scars where we expected to see them based on what the roomate was describing. His response when asked about his injuries was that he healed quickly. Okay, but we should still see visible scarring considering he stuck a huge knife through his arm. He was playing computer games, not taking anything seriously as we were prying questions about his current situation. Trying to talk to someone after weeks of feeling so worried for them and being met with a "meh" attitude was rubbing some of the group the wrong way who straight up started calling him on his bullshit right there. Carl became hostile and pretty much kicked us out. To keep a long story short, he started pushing everyone away with lie upon lie about random people in our group. He sabotaged a blossoming relationship between one of my best friends and his love interest by making up shit about him. He lost everyone one by one. I was the last one to stay cool with him for years after, though it was never the same after that. He wasn't one of those compulsive liars who tries to one up everything but this was one of the biggest hoaxes I've wittnessed.
Oh and there was the lie about the bunch of bras hanging on his wall in his room belonging to different girls but I know he just bought them himself. I knew because I helped him pick one out for his girlfriends bday that was hanging there and he had forgotten about it
ZombieDrums · 1 points · Posted at 10:03:44 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wow that's fucked.
Alexstarfire · 1 points · Posted at 18:21:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What made y'all think this was a lie? I wouldn't dismiss something like that without some strong evidence.
komahinae · 10 points · Posted at 19:11:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
We believed her for a while but little details about her story kept changing or didn't add up. She told us this when we called her to find out why she was off school. She told us she was being kept in hospital for psychological evaluation and probably wouldn't be let out for a week or so. She was back in school the next day, and had no marks that you would expect for someone who was, in her own words, hanging from a tree all night.
She also kept changing her story as to timing and location-initially she told us there were woods behind her house that she went to, but when we visited her house in the middle of town and someone broached the subject she told us it had happened in the woods behind a friend's house, that she apparently walked three miles to across several A roads and my friend had heard nothing about it.
There were other details as well- one day she said she'd done it at night and been hanging until the morning when she was rescued, the next day she said she'd done it early in the morning and someone had heard her choking, the next day apparently someone had seen her do it. This someone changed from a dog walker to a jogger to someone who was just walking home.
Eventually we started adding two and two together, and her compulsive lying escalated to the point we thought it was a pretty safe bet that nothing she said was true.
Alexstarfire · 2 points · Posted at 21:06:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yea, that's pretty damning in itself.
MrMouse92 · 183 points · Posted at 11:04:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
This guy started working with us a month after I started. Ive been working here for about three months. We work security. So hes a very large fellow and claims to have trained with UFC fighters, be a black belt in X amount of martial arts (i myself do martial arts and some he claims to have a blackbelt in dont even HAVE belt systems lol).
He also says whenever he goes kareokeing people make him sing 30+ songs.
He claims to have been a manager for a construction company.
He also claims to have been a hunter. He also claims to be a C1 level in French. He also claims to have had many threesums and this and that about a supposed sexlife He also claims to be an "athlete". He also claims to have intimate knowledge of some of the high tech equipment at our workplace He also tried to convince me the Byzantine and Roman empire were the same thing.
He also refuses to cross a street on foot patrol claiming "we are in danger because we are authority figures and people will attack us." I think hes just lazy He also pisses me the fuck off.
EDIT Ok i probably lost the argument on the byzantine thing. But as far as I knew they were the HRE and not the actual Roman empire itself? Oh well.
nrq · 152 points · Posted at 12:47:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Am I missing something here? That the Byzantine Empire is the continuation of the Roman Empire is pretty much established historical fact, isn't it?
newb0rn11 · 64 points · Posted at 13:14:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Essentially, yes. You could argue for days over whether or not it can be technically classed as the "Roman Empire", but they aren't exactly worlds apart when it comes down to it. The main issues arise when you define whether Byzantium was a continuation of the Roman state, or a new organisation altogether. I've always considered the Byzantine to simply be a later version of the Roman Empire, personally.
[deleted] · 11 points · Posted at 15:55:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Except it co-existed with the western roman empire for 100 years, considered itself Roman, and emperors based in Constantinople ruled over a ruled east and west empire.
newb0rn11 · 6 points · Posted at 15:58:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What do we disagree on?
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 15:59:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It was not a "later version." Its was not considered "separate" at the time.
newb0rn11 · 5 points · Posted at 16:22:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I think you've misinterpreted what I meant. I never implied it was separate, just an alteration on the original. Byzantine = Roman, just a bit different.
du4ko · 1 points · Posted at 07:51:02 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
As far as I know Byzantia is a state of Rome. That does not mean they are the same , but they were probably controlled by Rome.
Wiki
newb0rn11 · 1 points · Posted at 08:10:54 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
The Byzantine Empire wasn't controlled by Rome. In fact, it actually took control of Rome back from the invading forces that had taken it from the Empire earlier. It was essentially the Roman Empire, but controlled from Constantinople.
du4ko · 1 points · Posted at 08:27:47 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I am not historically educated that much, that was just assumption. There are only war stories between Byzantia and my country I know.
Upon losing a war with Byzantian every 99 out of 100 men were blinded, the one that is left was not blinded so he can lead the people home.
The Emperor that blinded the men was called Basil II he later got the nick name Bulgarian slayer for what he did.
Earlier of those events.
Wiki
Yeah the dude made a cup of the emperor head.
My point is I do not know shit historically if does not contain my country or much blood in it.
newb0rn11 · 2 points · Posted at 08:37:50 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Siiiiick. I love history.
Tom908 · 2 points · Posted at 21:42:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Name checks out.
4_out_of_5_people · 8 points · Posted at 18:15:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
If you plucked a citizen out of the street of the Byzantine empire at any point in its existence and asked them, "Are you Roman?" they would all answer "yes".
Dangermommy · 5 points · Posted at 16:14:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This thread is why I love Reddit.
Anouther · 2 points · Posted at 18:47:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah that one's not a lie, just not covering a lot of other details, shifts in power and some changing borders...
dankvtec · 1 points · Posted at 17:45:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That is true but they aren't really the same thing either.
icemancad · 46 points · Posted at 12:59:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
not to be not picky, but the Byzantine empire was simply the name of the eastern Roman empire. even after roman had fallen, the eastern empire centraled in Constantinople continued until the 15th century.
[deleted] · 42 points · Posted at 11:28:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
SpantasticFoonerism · 14 points · Posted at 11:42:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah, I agree with this to be honest.
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 17:03:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I agree. This is why most people are pathological liars- it has a lot to do with low self-esteem.
[deleted] · 4 points · Posted at 18:04:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Great words.
I used to tell lies a lot. Not necessarily whoppers, in fact they were mostly insignificant, but because my self-esteem had been shredded to the point of non-existence, I lied to cover up who I really was.
Absolutely fucking pathetic.
eqleriq · 1 points · Posted at 18:56:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The inverse is that I'd lie just for entertainment. I'd practice crafting believable stories that had no reason to be a lie. Any question anyone would ask me was answered with a plausible, meaningless lie.
Pathological liars that tell whoppers all the time have other disorders besides low self esteem. They have delusions and dissociation issues where they think their illogical bullshit isn't obviously disprovable.
There are many, many more who pathologically lie and you just don't know it. Making up boring stories about what you did over the weekend, what you ate for breakfast. Traffic. What you watched on TV...
telling stories that never happened when making small talk that nobody would have a reason to doubt.
mmmh
ps: i'm lying about all of this, proving my point. I think a better term for it is "bullshitting" moreso than lying.
MrMouse92 · 2 points · Posted at 19:01:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I agree with you. I am unfortunately the person that gets angry. Especially when the liar is someone who sits around and cant even do security work lmaoo
TheDiddler69710 · 11 points · Posted at 14:32:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Uhhhh the Byzantine Empire was the eastern portion of the Roman Empire after it split.
Hammedatha · 8 points · Posted at 19:21:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The HRE is most definitely not the Byzantine empire.
gnorty · 4 points · Posted at 18:36:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
OMG. Of all the outrageous claims I have seen in these threads, this one is the king. Seriously, who the hell could believe such a story?
MrMouse92 · 1 points · Posted at 18:52:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Haha its believable to an extent. File this under "Plausible".
Half_a_Quadruped · 3 points · Posted at 21:25:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The Byzantine empire was based in Byzantium/Constantinople/Istanbul and fell in 1453. The HRE was a loose confederation of German and northern Italian states that was dissolved in 1806...
mudgetheotter · 3 points · Posted at 16:39:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So was he, like, fucking the equipment?
fnordit · 3 points · Posted at 22:35:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The HRE was a different successor state to Rome. Basically in 476, when Rome fell, it had been divided into two administrative units, East and West, each with an emperor. A general name Odoacer sacked Rome and deposed the western emperor, claiming the title King of Italy and paying lip service to the authority of the eastern emperor. In reality, the emperor had no authority over the western part of the empire, and it broke up into many kingdoms, but on paper those kingdoms were still subjects to the Roman empire.
In 800 the Frankish king Charlemagne helped the pope against his enemies, and in return was crowned Emperor of the Romans (i.e., western emperor). His empire broke up after his death but, this set the precedent, and in 962 the German king Otto I was given the title, and it was passed on to his successor, founding the Holy Roman Empire.
Generally the Eastern Roman Empire is considered to be an actual extension of the Roman empire, because it maintained political continuity until it was conquered by the Ottomans in the 1400s. Its inhabitants thought of themselves as Roman citizens, though the population was predominantly Greek. Western Europeans, seeking to downplay its status, referred to it as "Empire of the Greeks." The name Byzantine Empire was coined by a historian in the HRE some time after the Empire fell. The HRE on the other hand was a successor state, but really bore very little resemblance politically or geographically to the Western Roman Empire.
MZM204 · 2 points · Posted at 16:41:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I worked with a guard like that in Winnipeg, Canada. Pretty similar types of stories, but then again Security attracts a lot of losers with tough guy complexes.
BobXCIV · 2 points · Posted at 02:37:38 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
The Holy Roman Empire and the Byzantine Empire are not even close.
quenishi · 1 points · Posted at 13:09:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Would be interesting to say a bunch of pseudo-French words in his presence, and see if he tries to understand it. If that fails, say some odd/bizarre sentences, and see how he responds...
NosyEnthusiast6 · 1 points · Posted at 13:17:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much everything. Karate. Larate. Jiu Jitsu. Kick punching. Belt making. Taekwondo...
Bedroom."
futurespice · 1 points · Posted at 16:54:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That is because they were, up to a point.
KittiesAtRecess · 1 points · Posted at 18:53:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Black belt in boxing? Check.
MrMouse92 · 3 points · Posted at 19:00:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
NO SERIOUSLY LOL
KittiesAtRecess · 1 points · Posted at 19:15:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's been a long time since I've been active in martial arts, but anytime it would come up, the other person was guaranteed to be a black belt or have a crazy story about their sensei or coach being the best ever.
RectangularBagel · 1 points · Posted at 23:34:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
HRE and Byzantine Empire are definitely two separate things. The HRE was a confederation of German states while the Byzantine Empire was the Eastern Roman Empire. They even called themselves Roman and the term Byzantine didn't come around until after the fall of the empire.
[deleted] · 24 points · Posted at 11:35:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
A kid at my school was a nice, likeable kid, but he was known for lying all the time.
He said his dad was a secret agent, his family were on the run, lived all over the world, the usual stuff.
Although, in our last year, when we were around 15 – 16 years old, he told his girlfriend that he had cheated on her and the girl he had slept with was now pregnant with his child. He said that she wouldn’t look after the child, and that he would have to raise it alone. The girlfriend dealt with this and said that she would stay with him and raise the kid as theirs.
Right before she began to make preparations for her whole life as a parent just after leaving school, it turned out he had made the whole thing up, never cheated, no other girl, no pregnancy. Never saw him again after leaving school and still to this day don’t understand why anyone would lie about that.
BONUS ROUND: Another kid at my school said he had inoperable cancer and had six months to live on prom night. 0% chance of living with rapid decline in health expected over the next month. Six months later he showed no signs of illness and was completely fine. I’ve actually heard of a few people lying about having cancer, weird.
DaileDoe · 5 points · Posted at 20:50:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Based on the fact that he lied about having inoperable cancer on prom night, I'm guessing he was hoping some girl would take pity on him and sleep with him before he "died".
Nenry · 2 points · Posted at 17:02:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I don't get why kids lie about having cancer. Sure, people are concerned, but after a while people find out and you're screwed. Why would they risk that?
Alexstarfire · 2 points · Posted at 18:35:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Could have wanted to break up with her and didn't want to do it himself. That's a really stupid reason of course, but people have definitely done that before and it wouldn't be shocking to think a teenager would try to do it in an over-the-top fashion.
Kumacon · 1 points · Posted at 12:07:15 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
When people lie about having cancer it's usually to fuck a waitress
winters_own · 22 points · Posted at 11:46:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There's this guy whom we'll refer to as Cartman. Now,Cartman's a one upper and attention seeking and loves pulling guns and knives on people to seem tough; but best of all his entire life story is seemingly a lie. However, he did his homework so if you don't think too much about it, it almost sounds believable. Cartman lies about his age and tells everyone that he is a combat vet that was deployed to Afghanistan and assisted in the Haiti relief and tells stories of thorwing rocks at haitian kids. He'll even give you the name of the base, his company, rank, unit, supposed awards, you name it. However, once the age facade was unraveled he kept up with it, covering up one lie with another. Now the fact of the matter is, Cartman would have had to complete all his training, go to airborne school, be deployed, gain the rank of sergeant, catch a frag grenade to the head to deafen his ear, and then come back from deployment all in the span of let's say 11 months so he could go to school the next year at his current age -- that doesn't happen. Whenever questioned his go-to excuse is a trump card about having to kill a young afghani girl and how nobody could ever know what he's been through. The more he get's called out, the angrier he gets. Especially since one of the people that called him out had actually spoken with someone who could verify whether any of that was true. The best part is that he claims a frag grenade went off next to his head and that is why he has cauliflower ear (but no shrapnel scars or other deformities at all). Whenever Cartman gets called out he also likes to get in peoples faces and get loud although he's never had the gaul to swing, only threaten; and when he is not the center of attention he either A) starts telling an obviously bullshit story to get people focused on him again or B) If he is around vets he'll start having a "ptsd episode". As far as anyone's concerned,Cartman is fucked in the head.
Believe me I could go on and on
Self-Aware · 5 points · Posted at 23:13:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Scumbag anyway, SUPER scumbag for faking PTSD in front of veterans. That's just... wow. Actually speechless.
The_Noobiest_Noob · 3 points · Posted at 22:33:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Why would he lie about throwing rocks at children?
winters_own · 4 points · Posted at 04:50:01 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
To be honest, I don't have a clue. But he has be known to say some raunchy shit as long as it feeds into the narrative. This was one of the more obvious one's meaning as though the fake age he tells everyone he is still would have placed him at 17 yrs old at the time of the relief effort
ShallowendPirate · 3 points · Posted at 23:20:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What does his PTSD episode consist of?
winters_own · 4 points · Posted at 05:02:40 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Mostly fake crying, the motions and the sounds - but no tears. He usually begins it by playing taps on his phone before the crying sounds but it's always situational. Other times someone would set off a fireworks and he'd run to his car to grab a gun he didn't have, smirking the entire way. only to open up the door and go "whew, that was close" with an ear to ear grin. It's hard to explain but if you could see it you'd know - it just doesn't seem natural but more like it was completely intended - kind of like how amateur actors seem wooden on camera, it's like that...... it looks scripted
ShallowendPirate · 5 points · Posted at 06:16:25 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Jesus. Has anyone called him on the Stolen Valor or did he actually serve?
winters_own · 5 points · Posted at 08:32:58 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A few people, his roommate and a few others knew but didn't say anything until everyone else found out when Cartman's girl discovered the truth and put it on blast. But my understanding is he is in the National Guard but never went active duty or was deployed. Some of the vets called him on stolen valor and were rightfully furious about it, a handful had Cartman's back regardless of the fact that a few people went digging around and found social media posts from him talking about wishing he would have went active duty, being stuck on closing shift at a retail job and hanging out with his friends during this supposed deployment in which he was "shot" and "hit with a grenade".
Everyone knows that 90% of what comes out of Cartman's mouth is a lie for attention or superiority, whether it's about his friends, his ex's, or the weather outside. He's the type of guy that will tell you the sky is green and the grass in pink. But at this point, most people from what I've seen just tolerate him.
ShallowendPirate · 1 points · Posted at 15:38:47 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Thanks for explaining. He sounds like a handful.
fix24 · 245 points · Posted at 10:37:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A girl I know is the most horrible liar. She has accused multiple people of sexual abuse - always believe the victim, right? Wrong. Several people she accused had proven alibis and she couldn't keep a constant story. Her lies range from telling our friends that her and I were going on a date, to her lying about having cancer so she could get out of rent "to pay the medical bills."
She previously moved cities because everyone caught wind of her bullshit, so she started pulling the same moves here.
The worst part is that she's an incredibly cool person to talk to and gets along with everyone very well, but she's an absolute monster once you become aware of her.
HiMyNameIsNerd · 123 points · Posted at 12:44:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have an ex who established a similar pattern of lies. Last I knew she was telling everyone with a pair of ears that she had stage 4 ovarian cancer. I grilled her on symptoms, stages, treatment details, the whole nine yards until she finally cracked. She yelled at me for "ruining her fun."
LamZeppelin · 12 points · Posted at 16:16:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'd like to pay for a one way ticket to the Sun for people like that
ForgedIronMadeIt · 4 points · Posted at 20:14:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
If KSP taught me anything, it is that the delta-V budget for flinging something into the Sun would be enormous.
LamZeppelin · 2 points · Posted at 20:22:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
We can cut a few corners in the safety department. Fuck it no oxygen on board. Though, I'm starting to think I could probably save more money by just using an old refrigerator
IntentionalMisnomer · 2 points · Posted at 16:40:45 on June 24, 2016 · (Permalink)
I don't think a fridge is nearly aerodynamic enough to achieve escape velocity.
LamZeppelin · 1 points · Posted at 17:42:09 on June 24, 2016 · (Permalink)
Fuck- you're right. I'll call Elon
Haoleopteryx · 1 points · Posted at 23:25:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Whatever you say, Indiana.
geedeeit · 2 points · Posted at 17:11:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I think your ex might be my sister.
Asron87 · 1 points · Posted at 21:06:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Whats your sister do?
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 23:30:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
Asron87 · 3 points · Posted at 02:28:20 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Damn, my brother lies but it's more in a narcissist way. Talks shit about others but it's in a believable way. I grew up with me being the target but now that he lost his wife and kids everyone sees the bullshit. But now his lies are crazier because no one believes the little ones anymore. At least people are on my side for the first time in 20 years :)
geedeeit · 2 points · Posted at 11:48:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's awful people kept believing him.
Although I have a super villain aunt who lies nonstop and even I didn't notice until she turned it on me. It started with a conversation with another relative that went like this: "I thought you graduated from college last year?" - "Um, I did!" - "Your aunt said you didn't actually graduate" - "She was there when I walked the stage!"
She had been in the family for over 20 years at that point, spreading all kinds of discord. No one had caught up to her.
She told me my cousin's wife has been in a mental hospital several times. I don't even know if it's true. She lies about the kind of stuff you're usually too embarrassed to ask people about.
Asron87 · 3 points · Posted at 19:05:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's really weird how no one really cares until he told ONE lie about them. It's like, I've been telling you about what he's done to me for years and you belittle, now that this ONE lie is about you it suddenly changes everything.
geedeeit · 2 points · Posted at 21:55:15 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I think it's easy to dismiss it - especially for the sake of peace in the family - until you've had a very objective truth about yourself turned upside down. Then it's pretty undeniable. I mean, maybe cousin Fred really did shoplift that one time - who am i to say? But what? You told everyone I gave chlamydia to three people? What the fuckity fuck? I know that isn't true.
Asron87 · 1 points · Posted at 07:39:21 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
Huh! I feel like I understand what your saying better than I've ever understood something a stranger has tried saying over the internet. Reading what you've said, I can just "feel" what you mean. It's completely impossible to describe it to someone that hasn't personally been effected by the lie/s. I really hope you are doing well in life. I had/have enough shit going on in my personal life that I'm content with watching my brothers life fade away, now he can bitch about someone else.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 06:37:44 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
geedeeit · 1 points · Posted at 11:44:35 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm sorry about that. :-( I've had a couple and they were damn painful, but nothing like that.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 19:30:28 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
geedeeit · 1 points · Posted at 21:51:56 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Have you done any research into why this might be happening? That's a pretty scary thing to just be depending on spices from your kitchen. I don't mean that badly - I know food can be powerful - but I would not be trusting my remaining ovary to cinnamon and ginger.
Moomium · 1 points · Posted at 09:06:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ironically, the Hep C has a good chance of becoming real stage IV cancer at some point.
I_Am_The_Moosh · 33 points · Posted at 12:16:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Omg I know someone like this! Her lies may not be elaborate, but like you said she gets along with everyone and is really cool until you catch on to all the lies. She's not very consistent with any of them. What sucks the most is I trusted her with my past experiences. (I have been sexually assaulted) and she went on to say she had been raped by someone and her bf at the time broke up with her because of it. Makes sense now. It was all a lie.
BearWithVastCanyon · 2 points · Posted at 17:24:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Have a friend like this too.
To his credit he has changed, but he used to lie about the most pointless stuff like where he was and how long he would be to arrive. Shit that didn't matter in the slightest but would still straight up lie about. Once we called him out on it a few times he gradually stopped
Anouther · -3 points · Posted at 18:32:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I lie about that because fuck is someone asking me for? I'm omw, I'll get there when I get there, maybe 20 minutes, maybe 2 hours, depends on the buses mein nega!
fix24 · 2 points · Posted at 02:19:41 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Isn't it horrible? They seem so trustworthy and seek your insecurities only to belittle them or "one-up" them. It's disgusting. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. The exact same thing happened to me too, and it made feel like shit for even bringing the assault up.
TittyKittyBangBang · 8 points · Posted at 15:59:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When you make up sexual abuse and cancer stories, you move from the "mostly harmless tall tales" category to "fucking psycho" real quick. Jesus.
Q_vs_Q · 2 points · Posted at 21:23:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It comes around the same time the "can I see the manager" haircut grows out.
sirthunt · 5 points · Posted at 17:50:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Sounds just like my ex who lost her shit while watching Orphan. The miscarriage scene was too much because she had recently 'miscarried' our child that she made up for us to get back together.
After we broke up, her new friends would call me threatening to kill me for 'putting my hands on her'. Never touched her.
She also cooked with Martha Stewart when she worked for Sur La Table and had been a chef for 4 years. At 17 years old.
Turns out she was hooking on the side because I 'awakened her sexuality'. Which im still skeptical about but could actually see being true. She did an AMA on here which is how i found out about that.
kookaburralaughs · 2 points · Posted at 14:07:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Casey Anthony is apparently very good company too.
fix24 · 1 points · Posted at 02:26:51 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
God, what a horrific case.
Kumacon · 2 points · Posted at 12:04:06 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
She needs to be in fucking jail
angstyart · 1 points · Posted at 23:45:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Which disorder is that? Narcissism or sociopathy?
thisguynamedjoe · 1 points · Posted at 00:49:30 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sounds like my sister.
Teomalan · 1 points · Posted at 03:54:25 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A girl I was friends with all the way through school would accuse every guy she dated of raping her... Only she refused to ever file charges and none of the guys she accused ever got into any trouble (I'm thinking if they raped once, surely at least one of them would rape again)... Eventually she got married as well as divorced shortly after I was divorced (btw her now ex allegedly raped her several times) She came over and goes into this long speech about how we should move in together and even consider marriage because we have been friends for 15+ years... I declined and she went home... A few days later, a mutual friend ran into me and confronted me about raping the girl... Surprise surprise ...
PBRontheway · 0 points · Posted at 12:35:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"A girl"?
She's constantly lying?
Recently moved cities?
I'm pretty sure your friend is Arya Stark
fix24 · 1 points · Posted at 02:20:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Unfortunately this is lost on me, because I don't watch Game of Thrones
BigBlueBox12 · 0 points · Posted at 15:20:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's called a sociopath and/or psychopath.
ViridianKumquat · 5 points · Posted at 21:57:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I don't know why you're being downvoted; she sounds like the very archetype of a psychopath.
BigBlueBox12 · 3 points · Posted at 00:43:45 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Very much so
Psyladine · 19 points · Posted at 13:48:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dude caught up to me years after HS and told me a story that I originally told him years ago about a crazy group of friends of mine, people he didn't know, but in telling me the story, superimposed himself in my place. Also the butt of the joke in the story was changed from the guy it happened to, to me in the story.
I lost my collective shit. It was some serious 'single white female' antics.
eggshitter · 127 points · Posted at 11:32:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When me and my friends were all 13, or something there was this local nightclub that hosted "under 18" nights where teenagers could basically go to act like twats. There wouldn't be alcohol or anything, and they searched you before you went in so you couldn't sneak in anything illegal.
My friends convinced me to go because it was apparently "impossible to not grind with someone" and that the last time they went they fingered these 16 year olds in the toilets.
Yeah... it was nothing like that. Imagine a club filled with socially awkward teenagers drinking lemonade trying to act cool. It was like that.
Leadstripes · 34 points · Posted at 15:14:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sounds like an episode of the Inbetweeners
Noromaru · 7 points · Posted at 19:29:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The Bronze?
[deleted] · 12 points · Posted at 14:27:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Idk man must be your part of town but I remember when I was in high school a local club did the same thing and it was pretty damn insane, imagine 300+ horny teenagers inside a dimly lit club with lots of pitch black areas with couches.....yeaaaa weird shit happened.
dracy69 · 32 points · Posted at 17:11:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Suuurre
Did you tell them about your ninja training Michael?
[deleted] · 6 points · Posted at 19:29:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh no I was the guy sippin on top shelf pepsi on the rocks bro . but you can imagine what it would be like if i WAS involved in the craziness right?
chappersyo · 3 points · Posted at 19:01:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm specifically picturing that episode of the inbetweeners where Simon gets a handy from a 13 year old.
lightfeet · 3 points · Posted at 20:01:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yup I remember those nights. Putting on my freshest billybong button down short sleeve and khaki shorts and drinking warm redbull all night with the 3 other dudes I showed up with.
Korberos · 1 points · Posted at 18:20:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had a place like that back in Pennsylvania called Magic Jungle. I have no idea why I kept going.
BiIbo_Faggins · 0 points · Posted at 06:33:12 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I don't know why you expected anything more than a high school dance
[deleted] · 19 points · Posted at 12:44:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
Self-Aware · 8 points · Posted at 23:20:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeesh. That's genuine compulsion right there, psychiatrist territory. Sounds like he barely even realised he was doing it.
[deleted] · 7 points · Posted at 00:50:47 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
Self-Aware · 2 points · Posted at 00:58:24 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I imagine CBT or similar would be helpful.for that.
rustedhoot · 3 points · Posted at 23:53:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Did your dad follow through?
DigiDuncan · 1 points · Posted at 06:40:02 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well, did he fire him?
[deleted] · 55 points · Posted at 11:20:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
mhead526 · 6 points · Posted at 13:39:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Did anyone ever ask her which behind the music?
thisisallme · 3 points · Posted at 14:39:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hmm. A girl I went to high school (pale, ginger) said she was a tahitian princess. And that she was a model.
NotACoolNameSorry · 2 points · Posted at 14:55:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Emily
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 19:43:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
NotACoolNameSorry · 2 points · Posted at 21:02:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Some livestreamer who faked cancer for money and attention. Atleast that's the one i refer to.
Bingersmack · 1 points · Posted at 14:56:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
theres 2 swedish princesses atm, both are pretty vapid brats. Think both did high school in america so its pretty possible it was her.
fuzzynyanko · 1 points · Posted at 20:31:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Considering what happens when a town got pillaged back in the day, quite a few of us may be descended from royalty, probably bastard children of royalty, but royalty nontheless
apple_kicks · 17 points · Posted at 12:11:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Classic not really an epic lie one: This girl in school always went on about all the guys after her (somehow they were all from other cities). She'd show us her phone which would have their names and she'd tell us how cool they were etc. Think she would laugh that we didn't have anyone who liked us the same way or used it to boast about how more mature she was.
When she fucked up the lie: One day she shows us a picture of her fella to show how hot he was, and I recognized the picture. She knew none of us read any gossip magazines, but the day before my cousin came round and we flicked through one by chance. The guy she claimed to be her hunky bf was a picture from the magazines 'soup tv stars when they were younger' section. I pointed this out and she hid her phone instantly. I don't think she brought up her many admirers again.
[deleted] · 54 points · Posted at 11:33:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
gnorty · 6 points · Posted at 18:49:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wait. Did the guy kill himself? And the boss was tryign to make him do that? Or did the guy resign, and the boss was tryig to make him do that? The last one makes more sense, but you said the boss already had fired him.
What gives???
pinkiepie294 · 2 points · Posted at 22:02:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What do you mean by "terminate himself"? Pls not what I think it means O.o
6yy6 · 2 points · Posted at 10:16:50 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Don't be so dramatic, it means to fire oneself from a working position
Then they go kill themselves
OdeeSS · 2 points · Posted at 23:44:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's pretty lame when any adult gives a shit about their GPA.
EVERYTHNGIDOISORGANI · 1 points · Posted at 18:19:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Got straight As. They called me Ace.
Got straight Bs. They called me Buzz.
RegretDesi · 1 points · Posted at 19:27:05 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I completely misunderstood the meaning of this for a second.
OrionRed · 0 points · Posted at 22:26:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Michael Scott?
Ask_A_Sadist · 18 points · Posted at 13:04:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he had 20 friends in pulse night club the night of the mass shooting. He's from Minnesota and has like no friends
Troubador222 · 4 points · Posted at 16:26:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It was in the news this morning some guy spoke at one of the memorials in Orlando claiming to be the club and it was all BS and now he has his face and name all over the news branded as a compulsive liar.
Leprechorn · 3 points · Posted at 05:46:38 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's silly, how can a person be a nightclub?
LessLikeYou · 2 points · Posted at 04:31:15 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
You go to hell for shit like this...
eine666katze · 1 points · Posted at 03:22:18 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Is he even gay, does he even have gay friends? Like the fuck.
Ask_A_Sadist · 2 points · Posted at 15:39:30 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Possibly gay, but if so very closeted. Has almost no friends, let alone gay friends in Florida. Very socially awkward.
eine666katze · 1 points · Posted at 15:43:29 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh okay. Because wouldn't that be weird if he was like. Some straight sports ball playing guy lying about this? It would make literally no sense at all.
[deleted] · 19 points · Posted at 13:47:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
All through school I had the same best friend, Anna.
Anna and I met in third grade. It became immediately clear to little 8 year old me that my new friend was a pathological liar on our first sleepover. Anna brought along a doll that she said held a heart monitor in it, because she "had SIDS when she was a baby and this doll would sound an alarm if her heart stopped".
I remember talking to my mom about it in the other room and just being totally baffled that my friend was claiming to have had "sudden infant death syndrome."
It was the beginning of a wild and beautiful friendship filled with all sorts of harrowing and tragic tales. I've always been impressed with her creativity and theatrics. We've lost touch over the years. :(
melgrizzle · 18 points · Posted at 21:24:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was the compulsive liar. I was born in China, and sometimes on a plane which meant I wasn't born in any state. I went to Hawaii every summer, and I had a Hawaiian boyfriend who was a surfer, and saved me from drowning.
There are many more, that's just the tip of the iceberg. I had a lot of trouble at home and wanted people to like me, but I was weird and despite all my efforts to be cool I failed miserably. I don't make shit up anymore, I eventually realized that I should just do what I like and even though there will be people who don't like me, there will also be people who do. I much prefer being genuine.
Touchthefuckingfrog · 3 points · Posted at 07:37:19 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was the same. I shudder at the horseshit and contradictory stories I offered up to friends and schoolmates. I had really low self esteem and thought no one could ever like me for me.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 19:15:06 on June 30, 2016 · (Permalink)
I hope you really did overcome it, and I hope you were rewarded with actual healthy and lasting relationships.
melgrizzle · 1 points · Posted at 03:43:11 on July 1, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's kind, thank you :) yes, I've since learned to appreciate myself and my real experiences. It's just not the same when the only things people know about you were entirely made up in your head.
bobdenby · 1 points · Posted at 18:39:43 on July 4, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yes, but do you still think it is not evil to lie?
Self-Aware · 1 points · Posted at 23:35:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Congratulations on overcoming it!
Aerillie · 83 points · Posted at 11:59:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a co-worker would constantly lied about her life... There are a few great ones.. 1. She was neighbors with Sandra bullock and they would go horse back riding all the time. 2. She use to be a go go dancer and her waist use to be so small you could put your hands all the way around and your fingers would touch (this lady is an obese women) There's other things but after a while I stopped listening...
tigerevoke4 · 8 points · Posted at 15:39:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What a load of Bullocks!
potsieharris · 7 points · Posted at 18:47:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
there's something kind of endearing to me about the sandra bullock one. it's like a lie that a nine year old girl would make up.
Aerillie · 4 points · Posted at 19:23:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well she acted like a 9year old.. Lol
Alexstarfire · 19 points · Posted at 18:15:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That may be true for must people. We were all babies at one point.
fat_cloudz · 5 points · Posted at 18:57:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I see what you did there...
HalkiHaxx · 2 points · Posted at 18:59:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
It's probably true, though. When she was an infant.
Edit: Her waist that is, not the go go dancer big boobs thing.
quantumcosmos · 2 points · Posted at 22:14:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sandra Bullock is allergic to horses.
Aerillie · 2 points · Posted at 23:36:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Lol seriously?
nedstarknaked · 2 points · Posted at 03:20:24 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not saying any of this is true but I know an obese woman who was a showgirl in Vegas years ago and was super tiny. I was shocked when I saw the pictures, so she might have been exaggerating but not outright lying.
Pure-Orange · 1 points · Posted at 15:48:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Insecurity is clearly the stem of the second lie
Aerillie · 2 points · Posted at 15:59:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
She's one of those ladies that's done everything, knows everything and everyone all better than you have type. I am sooooo glad she moved away and I don't have to deal with her anymore.
FloofTrashPanda · 4 points · Posted at 17:53:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My former landlady was like this. Also an obese woman, married to an obese guy but supposedly fifteen years ago she was super hot and slim ("but with big boobs") and rich men were always coming in to the Dillard's where she worked as a salesgirl to try to get with her, and one of them wanted to put her in Playboy. I wanted to be like "lady if some dude wandered into an Oklahoma department store and told you he could put you in Playboy, he was not from Playboy" but I had to go through her in order to get things in my house fixed, so I just said "that's cool."
Pure-Orange · 1 points · Posted at 17:20:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I would be too
[deleted] · 420 points · Posted at 10:36:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[removed]
Spartan2470 · 335 points · Posted at 13:37:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
/u/Kimberly9, thanks for copying and pasting /u/Sestun's great comment from this thread.
Srimnac · 27 points · Posted at 13:55:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Let's get this man to the top
nrk5014 · 20 points · Posted at 14:05:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Trying! So the post she put on a thread about compulsive liars was a lie...
[deleted] · 6 points · Posted at 14:28:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
And in a thread about compulsive liars... too good.
RamsesThePigeon · 7 points · Posted at 14:29:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's a spam account. They often copy-and-paste high-scoring comments.
Jojonken · 3 points · Posted at 16:29:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Why do accounts like that exist? Fake internet points are even less valuable that way. "Ooh look ot me, I can make a number on a website get reeeaaally big!" Why not just play Cookie Clicker? Same concept, really.
Spartan2470 · 4 points · Posted at 17:18:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The "What's the Point?" section of this page may help to explain. Also, there was a very good write up here. (both authored by /r/RamsesThePigeon)
iBleeedorange · 11 points · Posted at 14:07:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
/u/kimberly9 dun goofed.
[deleted] · 7 points · Posted at 14:21:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Fuck /u/Kimberly9
MrNinja1234 · 4 points · Posted at 14:37:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That was from 2 years ago. How do people find these threads that have been plagiarized?
Spartan2470 · 4 points · Posted at 14:41:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The "How Can I Spot Them?" section on this page provides a good introduction.
Lidesia · 2 points · Posted at 12:07:32 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hey man I think you're wrong For one this persons username isn't u/Kimberly9 it is u/removed And also the two posts are nothing alike this person only wrote "deleted" while u/Setsun wrote a pretty long story.
Sestun · 1 points · Posted at 15:04:16 on July 12, 2016 · (Permalink)
Thanks for letting me know. :) people are weird.
PopsRacer · 1 points · Posted at 17:23:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ironic that someone copy pasted a story that wasn't theirs in a thread about pathological liars.
LadyEmry · 138 points · Posted at 10:55:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What if that guy was actually just messing with you?
PM_ME_COCAINE_PLEASE · 61 points · Posted at 12:25:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What if he stole her kids?
PM_ME_AMAZON_VOUCHER · 37 points · Posted at 12:54:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What if he is her kids?
[deleted] · 20 points · Posted at 13:18:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Then she would have kids.
Twothousand2000 · 16 points · Posted at 13:36:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Case closed
APPLEZACKS · 1 points · Posted at 14:03:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
We did it Reddit!
Crocodilefan · 23 points · Posted at 13:19:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What if she was actually 2 kids in an overcoat?
funkfm · 14 points · Posted at 13:40:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Vincent Adultman
AllThree3 · 5 points · Posted at 13:54:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have to go do business now.
the_boar45 · 1 points · Posted at 13:38:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
KIDCEPTION
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 13:18:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"She doesn't have kids..... anymore!"
Spartan2470 · 4 points · Posted at 13:38:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm afraid you won't get a response from /u/Kimberly9. It just copied and pasted /u/Sestun's comment from this thread.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 14:39:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
WTF is this memory of yours?
Sestun · 1 points · Posted at 15:06:42 on July 12, 2016 · (Permalink)
He wasn't. If you are still interested in the details please find my original comment.
DisneyBounder · 116 points · Posted at 11:36:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Was she crazy crazy, or sad crazy like that women in Scrubs who Cox has to spend the day in an ambulance with?
apple_kicks · 40 points · Posted at 12:04:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
damn forgot how sad that episode was
ficklefire · 9 points · Posted at 12:45:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I don't remember it. Can you summarize?
DisneyBounder · 42 points · Posted at 13:01:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Cox has to do ambulance duty. Gets stuck with a chatty lady that talks about her son almost constantly. Cox gets pissed off. Tells her to quiet down. Turns out the son's been dead a while and she missed him so much.
Psyladine · 3 points · Posted at 13:52:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
If only it had been an episode of House, then House could have realized from her rambling description that her son died of complications from lupus, and it would lead to the ex-husband having poisoned the son with lupus in order to get access to the grandparent's trust fund.
bonus action scene: House confronts the husband who pulls a loaded gun from under a throw pillow on the davenport, but House disarms him with a swing of his cane.
Crocodilefan · 17 points · Posted at 13:25:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Dr. Cox is stuck riding around assisting in an ambulance with a really talkative woman who like to cherrily ramble about everything and a few times brings up her young son, . Cox Drafter getting increasingly annoyed over the course of the episode and yells at her to shut her trap and nobody gives a shit about her stupid kid, turns out her motivation for driving an ambulance was the death of her son
Overall it was an okay episode but compared to some of the others, not that much of a tear jerker. Most people say Jordan's brother's funeral is the saddest, i personally think all the three of the people who received transplants from the patient who unknowingly had rabies is the saddest
cha0scypher · 10 points · Posted at 13:43:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"Hey! Remember what you told me? The second you start blaming yourself for people's deaths...there's no coming back."
"Yeah...you're right"
WhatTheFDR · 2 points · Posted at 13:51:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Queue They Fray
ficklefire · 2 points · Posted at 13:41:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dude, when JD sat him down to tell him that there was nothing he could've done, I had the naive hope that we were about to see a turnaround and the rest of the episode would be about making good days where you could. I never expected to see the third one die.
cha0scypher · 2 points · Posted at 13:52:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
And he wasn't about to die, he could have waited another month for a kidney
Hawkthorn · 1 points · Posted at 13:52:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The funeral was sad but the rabies episode is by far the saddest. An experienced doctor has multiple patients die, one that could've waited... So sad.
Sammichface · 1 points · Posted at 01:27:33 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
The one with Molly Shannon.
MikoRiko · 8 points · Posted at 11:49:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It makes me happy every time Scrubs pops up on Reddit.
dinosaursdarling · 23 points · Posted at 12:48:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You must be happy all day!
Samuraistronaut · 2 points · Posted at 12:55:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It makes me happy and then sad, because usually they're mentioning a sad episode.
angrymallard14 · 2 points · Posted at 14:22:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's because people are bastard-coated bastards with bastard filling.
Samuraistronaut · 1 points · Posted at 15:02:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I actually use that one in real life A LOT.
Eulerich · 1 points · Posted at 12:45:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Brandon Frasier
MikoRiko · 1 points · Posted at 12:50:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Of all the kinds of people in this world, you're the most... you. :[
Eulerich · 2 points · Posted at 13:10:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Aaaaw, thanks :)
Dunderost · 1 points · Posted at 14:03:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
fuuuuck yooou.
BlooFlea · 0 points · Posted at 13:27:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Lol scrubs lives on! Im always suprised to see people directly refer to it on reddit for some reason, its just an ancient show that lives forever in our memories.
DisneyBounder · 1 points · Posted at 13:56:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I LOVE scrubs! I used to watch it every single day when it was on Comedy central. If there was any show that really needs to be on Netflix UK :(
brockkid · 54 points · Posted at 13:38:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've heard this story on Reddit two times before word for word...I feel like we've come full circle if the top post is of a compulaive liar.
darkfrost47 · 12 points · Posted at 12:12:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
How detailed were her kids personalities? Did they make sense in different stories? Did she imagine her kids were perfect little angels or did she make up problems for them too?
[deleted] · 12 points · Posted at 12:40:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Am I the only one disturbed about this woman showing random pictures of children to others, pretending those are her kids?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 12:42:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a co-worker who did the same thing. Talked about her daughter all the time, then I find out she doesn't have kids. Very strange.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 12:14:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
R-Frank_Undershaft · 3 points · Posted at 12:23:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A woman who can't bear children but desperately wants to be a mother. You'd be surprised how much not being able to satisfy a primal instinct can fuck with someone.
Pathetika · 2 points · Posted at 12:31:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Tell me about it - it is a matter of my health that you sleep with me woman!
ThePr1d3 · 1 points · Posted at 12:47:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Can confirm, group of friends think I'm not a virgin
R-Frank_Undershaft · 0 points · Posted at 12:50:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
uh, what?
black_orchad · 2 points · Posted at 13:07:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
She/he is a virgin!
R-Frank_Undershaft · 1 points · Posted at 13:10:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I forget that the overwhelming majority of people on reddit can't stop trying to rake in that karma for any meaningful period of time, took me a second to realize they were trying to be funny.
ThePr1d3 · 1 points · Posted at 08:16:50 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
The hell are you talking about?
BathHouseProdigy · 1 points · Posted at 13:01:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
why would the story mention that? OP probably wouldn't know that anyway. you asked who would lie about having kids. Somebody who can't have kids might lie about having kids. Maybe that's why this lady lied, maybe not. You shouldn't rule it out just because the story doesn't mention it.
sssh · 0 points · Posted at 12:21:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Maybe somebody who really want to have kids but cannot. Are you still laughing? :-/
HitlerWasVeryCool · 0 points · Posted at 12:32:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah, that's funny as
ThePr1d3 · 1 points · Posted at 12:47:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Username checks out
jbhall36 · 32 points · Posted at 12:10:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I feel bad posting this, because the person in question died last year in a motorcycle accident, but he honestly was one of my best friends, despite (and probably even because of) some of the whoppers he told. Here's a partial list: 1. His girlfriend was away in Okinawa training to be a ninja. We all knew his girlfriend, and she did in fact visit her grandparents in Okinawa. She was not, to our knowledge, a ninja. 2. He was an expert guitar player, and had played for Eddie Van Halen when he met him in an airport (apparently Eddie had his guitar with him). Eddie was so impressed he offered to take him on tour with him, but he was too young. The only guitar we ever saw in his house was a toy guitar in his attic. 3. He was a practicing warlock (not referring to Wicca), and had once met a 500-year-old vampire. He also claimed that the number 16 was magical and would summon Satan. He would pretend to freak out any time someone would say the number 16. 4. He claimed to have "secret knowledge" of technology that the Germans had that would have enabled them to win WWII, but they didn't use it. This came from files that his Dad had hidden away in his attic (how his Dad, who was a plumber, had these files was never explained).
I know it seems wrong, but somehow these stories were kind of endearing. I miss you, dude.
Liquorace · 3 points · Posted at 17:00:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Behind the toy guitar?
jbhall36 · 3 points · Posted at 19:17:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Possibly. It was a magical attic.
Godric0619 · 1 points · Posted at 02:08:51 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Are you sure he's really dead and that isn't just another elaborate lie?
TearsOfAClown27 · 33 points · Posted at 13:31:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Nervously checks if any of my stories match
[deleted] · 16 points · Posted at 12:28:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
The_Noobiest_Noob · 1 points · Posted at 22:29:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My brother used to tell people that he lived in Australia and was only in America for a week.
spetoja · 29 points · Posted at 13:47:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
We had a "one upper" in the office that told countless lies that ranged from "maybe" to "holy shit you absolute bullshitter" here's a fun game to play, make up stories with him/her in direct earshot to try and get him/her to one up you, the more unbelievable the lie they tell the more points you score.
i.e. "I went skydiving the other day! It was fucking mental"
One Upper: "Yeah I used to be a professional sky diver but I had to stop to concentrate on my professional football career"
EDIT: 10 Points.
baconsalt · 5 points · Posted at 17:42:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Holy shit. This exact thing happened to me. Ok I HAVE been sky diving, once. But this guy was doing free fall, solo jumps since day one.
He's also a liar who faked a fall from a catwalk while at work, went to multiple doctors until he found one that would give him a back job and is now deeply into the pharm, a la fentanyl patches.
He fell off the face of the earth from our gaming group for a few years, spent in his basement, in a stupor. But in that time he has amassed a pile of internet stories he likes to use to bolster his image.
I can't listen to his bullshit anymore. As soon as he opens his mouth now I say, 'prove it or it never happened'. He's slowed down considerably, thankfully.
Self-Aware · 3 points · Posted at 23:02:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Christ, fentanyl is heavy shit.
baconsalt · 1 points · Posted at 02:10:08 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Fent is the worst. I would not believe he was on it but I've seen him apply it. It's a topic of much sadness and debate in our group.
Self-Aware · 1 points · Posted at 17:23:53 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My doc had me try it once, I lasted about half an hour before the nausea was killing me.
baconsalt · 1 points · Posted at 17:50:16 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Worst is this guy is in bad shape from being a lazy fuck all his life. His back issues are a joke. I've seen him hop fences and do all manner of things. I don;t know how he found a doctor to give this to him. I have to believe the lying takes some part in that. Shopping doctors or something. No one sane would have put him on this. He is NOT fucking dying. Fentanyl doesn't help him. I can't believe how lucid he is while on it though.
spetoja · 1 points · Posted at 19:10:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Try the game out on him, it's tonnes of fun.
Coruscus · 1 points · Posted at 00:03:18 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I can at least believe the skydiving story.
Having just gotten into it myself, you can complete your AFF Level 1, which allows for a solo free fall from day 1. Just requires a little training. :D
baconsalt · 1 points · Posted at 02:11:16 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not in Canada, at least to my knowledge but I've only done one jump (greatest thing ever). You have to do a few tandem jumps first. Also this guy well...it's just not believable.
angstyart · 5 points · Posted at 23:44:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a roommate that was a one upper like that, only she should really have been called a one downer. She would argue with anyone that she was the most depressed person in the world. She told her closest friend that when his baby sister got cancer that his ensuing depression wasn't legitimate and nowhere near as bad as hers. I or the other roommates would come home and say we had a bad day and shed immediately launch into how horrible her entire life was right up until that day.
imsortakindalikinit · 3 points · Posted at 09:25:53 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is exactly like this girl who I used to be friends with. Well, sort of friends. We would only hang out when it was with a bunch of our other mutual friends. I had a panic attack once while she was there (and was super embarrassed by the way) and when asked if I was okay I just said that it happens sometimes and I just kind of have to wait it out, and suddenly it's obviously not that bad because she'd had severe depression and anxiety for 6 years and had tried to kill herself 3 times and according to her I faked it because panic attacks aren't like that at all. She said she slit her wrists in one suicide attempt but has no scars at all. It's not that I don't believe her on any of it. I'm sure she has some sort of issues going on. Just that wasn't really the best time (or the best way) to bring it up.
Another time we were playing truth or dare with a bunch of people drunk and it turned into someone asking a question and everyone in the group responding. I forget the question but I told them I had been sexually abused as a very young child and (I believed this at first) she claimed to have been gang raped the year before. The next time we were all hanging out she brought up that story again but this time it was her stalker ex boyfriend who raped her. She showed us a picture of him and it was a picture of some guy from a season of The Amazing Race (my parents watched it regularly for a few years) who lives in a different state. The next time we were all together she accused me of lying about being sexually abused and said it upset her to be around me since she had been raped by her dad. I know from her mom that he left before she was born. Anyway I don't hang out with her anymore.
angstyart · 1 points · Posted at 18:25:26 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wow. What a bitch.
pissface69 · 2 points · Posted at 20:32:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Knew a kid in college like that and we did the same shit. No matter what story anyone told he always had a better one tangentially related. Even though you could see it in his face he never had to think about anything or remember a fucking thing and was just making it up as he went along. Evidently it was his way of making friends and meeting women
TJ4President · 14 points · Posted at 12:32:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My first room mate was a pathological liar. Erica was a few years older than me (I was 18 at the time, she was 21), was my co-worker at a restaurant, and we were pretty good friends until I moved in with her.
I could probably write a book on her crazy, but my favorite story about her is when I was trying to get ready for work one day. Our boss was super particular about uniform and would flip out if our shirt collars were wrinkled, so I ask Erica where her iron is so I can set up the iron and ironing board. She tells me it's on a shelf, in my haste I knock it down and it hits my foot pretty hard. Leaves a cut and bruise. Whatever, I go about my business, iron my shirt and leave for work.
Later that day, my boss and I are talking with Erica about said uniforms (I worked a double, Erica only worked the evening shift). Boss makes a comment about how she is happy my shirt isn't wrinkled today. I tell her that thanks to Erica I was able to iron it.
Erica looks at me, dead in the eyes and says, "What iron?" 100% serious. Not joking.
This isn't our first issue and I'm not in the mood for her to make me out to look stupid, "Erica, really? I just ironed my shirt today with your iron. It fell on my foot and I have a bruise from it."
"I don't own an iron."
I couldn't even reply. It was too ridiculous.
Flagoobie · 8 points · Posted at 00:37:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's because you broke her cover. If she "didn't own an iron" she could not by the restaurant be brought up for having a wrinkled uniform. The restaurant can't force you to have an iron, so if she's a little mussed, she has a legit excuse the restaurant can't make a problem out of. It may have been naivete, but unless what you're saying at a restaurant job is helping someone or fixing a problem, don't get involved. Those places are dens of gossip and politics/
DigiDuncan · 5 points · Posted at 06:48:50 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Why would you even lie about that?
"Cool people don't own irons!"
Dearestbrittany · 14 points · Posted at 12:54:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had a friend in high school who would lie about anything.
Once in home economics class, we somehow got on the subject of conjoined twins. She then proceeded to tell the class how her cousin had conjoined twins, but they both died. She said that the twins were a boy and a girl, and they were conjoined to appear as if they were hugging one another.
The teacher, not wanting to embarrass her, just have a funny look and said, 'oh, sorry for her loss,' but seemed appalled at the lie due to the fact that only identical twins can be conjoined.
[deleted] · 14 points · Posted at 13:53:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
At age 12 claimed that he had to give up his job as body guard for Axl Rose because he had every major organ simultaneously transplanted and his dad had to sell their private 747 to pay for it. His proof for this tale was a 1" scar on his stomach through which he claimed they'd replaced his liver using experimental techniques.
[deleted] · 4 points · Posted at 13:56:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
1" scar? Wow, surgery is getting less and less invasive.
FortyFartz · 3 points · Posted at 18:43:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Pretty good for a 12 yr old.
Thorolf_Kveldulfsson · 1 points · Posted at 23:37:39 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Why would anyone even have a private 747 to start with
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 17:47:44 on June 24, 2016 · (Permalink)
Even Iron Maiden rent theirs.
[deleted] · 16 points · Posted at 16:59:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This guy was a compulsive, pathological, condescending liar. We'll call him R.
R is a nice guy, so that's why we hang out with him, and his lies entertain us. We made a game out of catching him in his lies.
He always felt the need to one up EVERY story. You won a raffle at work? He won the lottery.
Here are some that really stuck out:
He took Hilary Duff's virginity on a dance floor in the south of France.
He released a techno album at the age of 13 and was the most popular resident DJ in Sweden. Nevermind that he probably couldn't legally even get into any of the clubs. He also netted 1 million dollars.
He was a professional Porsche race car driver. His Porsche race car (never specified what it was) was yellow and he had a matching yellow suit. Never mind that he was an obese motherfucker, his skills totally made up for that.
He composes music for some famous rock bands who's names he can't tell us because of an NDA. He flies private everywhere and has 3 Carrera GTs in the Caymans. When I asked him for a ride, he denied me as my presence aboard his private plane cannot be written off as a business expense.
When he gets high, he likes to air guitar and "freestyle" the exact same rap song every time. Not a lie, but it's just crazy funny to watch until you want to go home and he won't let you leave.
I won't even get into all his lies with the Lizard people (I can't even).
He claimed to have dated Shakira for the longest time. When we would point out that she was dating someone in the tabloids, he'd say that it is just to keep the heat off of them.
He was able to negotiate 80% off the price tag on his car.
He once tried to convince me my girlfriend was hitting on him and tried to come on to him, saying how he is so much more of a man than I was. My gf at the time HATED his guts which he pretended was her covering up her lust for him.
I vaguely remember him telling me how he had sex with Elisha Cuthbert. It's hard to remember/care for all the premises of his lies.
He once cut off a gangster's car, and then the gangster pulled out a gun and shot at him but barely missed because he drove off before they could pull the trigger. They then entered a car chase where he avoided every bullet shot at him, and using his professional Porsche driving skills he out ran them in his econobox.
He also used to compete in the UFC, the memory is hazy, but everyone was afraid of him there because of his extensive knowledge of absolutely every martial arts. What makes this story hilarious is that three days later he was with a friend of mine and they almost got into a fight and he ran like a scared little bitch. So we were like "what happened to your UFC killing abilities" to which he replied something similar to /u/RamsesThePigeon 's friend Michael about how he didn't want to kill 3 guys.
He is currently dating a girl who believes his lies and is also a compulsive liar/cheater (she blew another friend while she was with her ex and then dated R like 3 weeks later, while still dating her ex for 4 months).
I don't hang with him anymore, but man was it fun egging him on to see what lies he could come up with. They were so detailed. I feel bad because I think he really believes his own lies.
JunkyJoeJoyce · 13 points · Posted at 17:55:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There was a kid I went to junior high with who would always tell these grand stories, or talk about all the things his family had that were completely unbelievable.
He would tell us stories about crazy hunting trips "back in my country", or "my uncle has a toilet made of gold and his house is on a private island you have to take a boat to" and we would always tell him to stop making things up. He left town when high school started, and I never really thought about him again unail recently chatting with an old friend.
Turns out his family is actually one of the richest families in my city, because his uncle owns gold mines or something. All of his stories were true and no one believed a single one of them.
blindcolumn · 13 points · Posted at 20:25:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What if this thread is just full of compulsive liars, lying about outrageous lies they have supposedly been told by other compulsive liars?
[deleted] · 13 points · Posted at 12:01:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
qtamadeus · 4 points · Posted at 15:45:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Some say as the story was told jaws dropped
thecelestialteapot · 3 points · Posted at 00:15:55 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is honestly the best one because I feel like a jaw bone would not roll in any position ever.
Christina7658 · 11 points · Posted at 14:12:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I once worked with a bitch named Rose who claimed that her father's body was placed in an air conditioned mausoleum. She said that the mausoleum was top of the line and that his body was laying on an open table in the middle of the room so that her mother could go everyday to visit with him. She said that she had taken her mom one time and that the mom had broken off his pinky finger and placed it in her purse so that she could have a piece of him close to her at all times. I asked her how they kept his body from decomposing and she said that there was a device that would flip his body every couple of hours "to keep him fresh". When i asked her to describe it she swore it was like a giant spatula.
This lady would lie about everything. She also once claimed to adopt the child featured on the feed the children's ad. She made up this elaborate story about flying her to Texas from Africa every year since she was able to adopt her.
She was freaking delusional. I could write a book full of all her bullshit stories.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 20:53:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
Self-Aware · 3 points · Posted at 23:28:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Seconded, would definitely buy.
MisterOinky · 11 points · Posted at 14:21:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have a friend (let’s call him Mark) who is usually late to everything. He usually comes up with excuses that no one really believes but it is interesting to listen to them anyways.
So one example is that a group of friends were going to go the beach for a night and we split into two groups. The first group was going to leave in the morning and pretty much everyone was in the first group. The second group included Mark and another guy (let’s call him Bob) whom we didn’t know too well.
Anyways, as the first group left, I called Mark to ask where he was. His first response was “oh hey I am almost ready, I head out as soon as I can.” Okay cool no problem. 20 minutes later, I gave him a call again and he said “oh I am on my way.” About every 20 minutes, I would call Mark to see where he was and he was describing me places that he was passing by like the towns, gas stations, stores, and etc. Well by the time we got to the beach, I called Mark and he said “oh I think I am running into car trouble but I am only 15 minutes away so I can make it.” Okay no problem. We continued to enjoy the night and 20 minutes later I gave Mark another call. His response was “oh I think the engine is dying so I am going to turn around and head back home.”
What? He was 15 minutes away, suddenly had car trouble, but can still turn around and drive all the way back? (Driving to the beach takes more than an hour) Obviously, Mark never showed up and that didn’t surprise anyone. A few months later, I became friends with Bob and I brought up Mark’s story about his car’s engine. Bob said “well we never actually left the place. Mark just googled map the directions and was just describing what he saw on Google maps. We actually just stayed home and watched tv.”
We never invited Mark to the beach ever again.
LessLikeYou · 2 points · Posted at 04:32:36 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I don't think Mark wanted to hang out with you but couldn't bring himself to just say it.
fistingdonkeys · 10 points · Posted at 12:11:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Worked with a guy at a supermarket. He used to tell some pretty impressive stories; I was young and impressionable and impressed...for a while. Took me a few months to realize he was just full of it. The straw that broke the camel's back was when he promised to bring his dad's Porsche around my house for the nth time, but oh no! ...his brother crashed it the night before. I decided he was deluded, and cut him loose.
A few years later, I've graduated from college, and I'm working in a professional job in the city. I drop in to a McDonald's for lunch, and who do I see munching away on a cheeseburger? My old pal. I approach him, hey man, how the heck are you, what are you up to these days?? He shushes me, beckons me close, and then says in a whisper - "Keep it down, you'll blow my cover - I'm a secret food reviewer for McDonald's."
CobaltWho · 6 points · Posted at 17:50:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Best ending ever.
gino209 · 2 points · Posted at 01:50:19 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I mean he could've been a secret shopper, it's not like it's the most illustrious of jobs.
imyourstepmommy · 13 points · Posted at 12:45:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I once dated this guy when we were like 14. we were hooking up and being the prude virgin I was, didn't wanna go any further and told him so. he pushes me away, and says "I'll just do it myself," and proceeds to spit on himself and started whacking it. he was spitting and his eyes were completely black as he ferociously choked his chicken. I was terrified and left. I ended up dating a mutual friend and thought that guy was out of our life for good. nope. they ended up rooming together. he definately was/is a pathological liar but now that I'm thinking about it, this dude was just fucking weird. here's some things I remember: -his family are filthy rich billionaires, his dad being the CEO of Valero -he was top of his class, never missed school -worked for a construction company his family owned -was a really good motor cross rider (but the one time we saw him ride he broke his foot) -high school baseball player, and already offered a scholarship for it. -gonna join the navy seals or something as soon as friend's dad (director of DEA) could get him in earlier than usual -he got a girl pregnant by cuming on her leg on a cruise to Alaska. -he shot a guy in Mexico, as self defense. -he once had this girlfriend and she was nuts, he said he got her a hunting knife for her bday and it made their sex life scary. -he also made millions of dollars by mowing lawns in rich neighbor hoods. -he would say he was going to work but we would see him just sitting in his truck outside of a Walmart hours later. -said his truck got broken into but the 'hobo' only took his sleeping bag and not his iPhone, or wallet. -he cut his finger open from cleaning his guns, and we drove him to 3 different emergency places cause he didn't like the first two. -always talked like he was a solider being followed, like terrorist was after him and didn't like having a cellphone on because they could find him. -dude would put his dirty dishes of CHILI in the dish washer without even washing it. -I was giving my friend a tour of the house and his room was surprisingly unlocked. curiosity struck so I had to look. his room had everything packed like he would be ready to leave at a moments notice, except his mattress and multiple modified guns laying around. he even had the carpet vacuumed so he could see the foot prints if anyone broke in past his locks. -had an alias and told my parents his name was Matt. -would always eat my left overs and blame it on someone else. we caught him in a lie once and he claimed I let him eat my Olive Garden, nah. -my favorite, he offers to pick up whataburger for everyone, but everyone else is wasted. he was supposed to be house sitting for these people but stole their car, so no drunk people could use it, whatever. I'm sober and hungry but my boyfriend says go ahead I'll stay here. we're driving and my phones on 1% and he says, "let's just sit down and eat." I'm thinking hell no I'm not about to be alone with this dude, and politely decline. awkward silence for a little and out of the blue this dude asks, "what's your period like?" like wtf were you thinking about for 5 minutes??
he moved out 2 years ago and is going to college now but his friends say he just lives there.. who knows. I wish I knew more of his stories he's made up.
tl;dr: dude got a girl pregnant by jizzing on her thigh, killed a guy in Mexico, also weird as fuck and spits on himself, and asks about girl's period as a convo starter.
Wiknetti · 11 points · Posted at 13:01:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Someone who came over for DnD told me they were an experienced Whiskey drinker and said they wish they had a glass right now. I opened my hidden stock and poured them some Glenliv 12 year with a rock and watched their face look slightly shocked. The kind of "not happy" shock, the more "oh fuck..." shock.
I watched them drink it and then they got dizzy after one glass... They had to lie down afterwards. Never believed any of their bullshit again. I guessed after that incident that they were a compulsive liar, because they told some pretty tall tales at the session. Turns out I was right, one of their friends confirmed it.
[deleted] · 9 points · Posted at 14:11:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I bumped into a guy I went to school with probably about 3 or 4 years after we graduated. He looked really unkempt and and stank too. We chatted and while we were mentioning what we were both up to nowadays he went into details that he was a music producer earning 6 figures and signing on big stars. OK dude, you're like 20 and you look like you're homeless but you're a big music producer. No problems.
Fast forward a couple weeks a friend of mine is heading home after a late night in town and sees the same guy sleeping on a park bench. While the lie was obvious and it's easy to laugh at it, hearing about him actually being homeless made me feel sad for the guy. Obviously overcompensating for his feelings of inadequacy. Hope he's in a better place now.
damolasoul · 1 points · Posted at 14:04:06 on June 27, 2016 · (Permalink)
This made me feel a bit sad.
TotallyMadeUpShit · 155 points · Posted at 10:39:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In a recent trial, scientists discovered a direct correlation between the size of the hypothalamus and frequency of telling lies. It has been hypothesized that lie-telling may be an advanced form of survival tactic for a species that is evolving past the need for more physical forms of survival.
LordPetrichor · 101 points · Posted at 12:35:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Notes username.
Narrows eyes in suspicion.
Nubcake_Jake · 1 points · Posted at 08:11:45 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Move along.
Move along.
JesterOfSpades · 83 points · Posted at 12:01:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Username checks out.
Utexan · 3 points · Posted at 13:21:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You know what they say about guys with big hypothalami...
RobG92 · 1 points · Posted at 19:48:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That they're gay/bisexual?
reversEngineer · 2 points · Posted at 16:36:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
After seeing username: http://mrwgifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Suspicious-Cartoon-Dog-Surveys-His-Surroundings.gif
BrokenCankle · 1 points · Posted at 02:19:26 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Second time today you sneaky son of a bitch. I don't always check user names but when its a "fact" I do now.
[deleted] · -2 points · Posted at 11:45:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
Darth-Pimpin · 1 points · Posted at 14:28:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Judging is a personality trait thoguh, they can't help it.
/s
dmsr · 3 points · Posted at 14:38:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That wasn't lost on me. Lol
reirarei · 12 points · Posted at 13:27:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've known two of these kinds of people. Girl A, lied about the following:
Girl B, was way worse.
raistlianmajerie · 2 points · Posted at 13:35:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I dealt with a girl that was like your "Girl A" she got a couple people in trouble with the police until they interviewed her about it and she gave like 10 different stories to them. Now she's in a psych ward somewhere in upstate NY.
joey_aggs · 12 points · Posted at 18:15:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My girlfriend's friend lies all the time, here is some of the stuff she's said
-She has Crohn's disease -She's allergic to tequila and vodka (although she's drank both in front of everyone) -She was born with curly red hair (has pin straight blond hair) -Was born without a belly button -She was born partially inside out -Her body temperature is naturally lower than everyine else's -She's accidentally done coke that was cut with meth and one of her friends stayed up for 5 days -All of her boyfriend's have had dicks the size of her forearm -Also she can graduate college in 3 years but wants to stay for all 4 because of her sorority
Fuck you Tracy
sharbarcaramel · 2 points · Posted at 23:22:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So you can actually be born partially inside out: http://www.stanfordchildrens.org/en/topic/default?id=omphalocele-90-P02012
joey_aggs · 1 points · Posted at 00:44:07 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know, most of her "ailments" are possible but she's a phoney
sharbarcaramel · 2 points · Posted at 01:11:59 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oooh okay, super awkward then, haha
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 08:02:39 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
joey_aggs · 2 points · Posted at 17:53:21 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Cunts
ScrewThis1029 · 19 points · Posted at 11:03:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That she was baby spice's little sister and would fly to London every weekend to see her.
Edit: We live in the southern US.
NoBlueKoolAid · 25 points · Posted at 12:42:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Assemble some Baby Spice trivia that any sister would know. Burst this bubble once and for all. Dub her Baby Bland for eternity.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 15:39:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Great now i have this in my head https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QL15Ya5fsgo
wow_that_guys_a_dick · 2 points · Posted at 15:43:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Only related because Baby Spice is mentioned, but I once watched a documentary on Backyard Wrestling, and this kid said th ewhole reason he did it was because he wanted to meet Baby Spice. He spent his weekends giving himself minor brain damage, in front of a small audience of like-minded dullards, and somehow expected word of his deeds to cross an ocean and land in Emma Bunton's ears, AND THEN she would be so impressed that she would want to travel to meet him.
I mean, I can't fault him for going for that summit, but you don't conquer Everest by flopping like a rag doll down the side of the Grand Canyon.
ScrewThis1029 · 2 points · Posted at 22:24:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Huh. Some do it for the money, or the fame. He did it for "love"... I wonder how that ended up working out for him. Hope he's at least still alive.
fridayj1 · 2 points · Posted at 16:27:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
She's not adult spice by now?
Rothead · 1 points · Posted at 15:41:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Q. What's Jade like?
A. Oh she's great.
[deleted] · 93 points · Posted at 12:10:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
RonaldTheGiraffe · 15 points · Posted at 13:38:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'd love to hear more stories from the compulsive liar's side. Not many people are able to admit to being one, so good on you.
eqleriq · 12 points · Posted at 20:32:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
My lies are small and inconsequential (lie). I do it to entertain myself and treat lying as a skill that I've honed over the years (truth): can I tell a story that is believable and irrefutable?
Pushing obviously disprovable things are unacceptable. (truth)
For example, I used to work at a small company that was just myself and my boss. For years I talked about how my dad worked at an airlines customer support and received a certain amount of free flights (truth). So for a while I talked about how I use those flights to just fly somewhere random and wander around for a day (truth) or a weekend without sleeping / staying with friends (lie). But it was never anywhere fun or exciting.
So one friday I rushed out of the office to catch the early train (truth) to go on one of these flights (lie). Instead I took the train to my distant friend's house (lie), stayed there and texted my boss that my flight was delayed so I'd get in around noon. I got in at noon and talked about how unremarkable Zephyrhills, Florida was.
The joke of this was that what I actually did was far more interesting (truth). Shrug. (lie) The other joke is that this anecdote isn't true (lie).
What's odd about it is that I've not had any contact with my father for years (truth) and have no interest in him providing any value to my life (truth) so it isn't "hey i have a cool dad" thing (truth). It would be fairly obvious if it were true. It's just about the plausibility.
Another part of this is to mask emotions in a contrarian manner. If something doesn't bother me I might get irrationally angry about it to the surprise of others wondering what happened in my life that this bothers me, but if something really bothers me it doesn't matter and I can't be bothered. And this isn't some bipolar reaction, it's completely controlled and not consistent. If I was to recall / catalog all of these emotions they'd be perfectly maintained regarding each thing. (all truth)
Sauerkraut? I can't eat it (lie) because one time I thought I was eating something else and the flavor was so different that it revolted me (truth). One time I didn't know what was in a reuben, (truth) and bought it, and immediately threw it up (lie). It's simply a sort of forced revulsion that I can use to some arbitrary effect whenever (extremely rarely) relevant.
William S. Burroughs, of whom I'm a huge fan (truth), described these as playing out scenarios (truth) and that we all at some point are on auto-pilot to play them out according to what our perceptions of proper role play is (lie).
At the end of the day, I know how full of shit I am (truth) and that it doesn't really matter (truth) because optics are everything (truth) and I don't believe it is low self-esteem so much as zero ego (lie)
99puppies · 8 points · Posted at 13:47:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Curious, have you seen a therapist for this? It sounds like that would help you a lot, especially because you're already making a conscious effort to change. Having someone objective to work with on your personal problems can make a world of difference. I don't mean to sound condescending in any way. I have been to a therapist during some shitty times in my life, and it helped me pull through and stop some of the behaviors that were destructive to myself and the people I love.
hcshenoy · 4 points · Posted at 13:44:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Exact same situation with me. It's obvious to everyone that I'm lying, even to me, but then I just cannot bring myself to stop right there and I feel this need to finish the rest of the story
StrikeAnywherePanda · 5 points · Posted at 14:52:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I am known for stretching the truth sometimes. As of recent, I haven't felt the need to.
Although, at one point I used to tell stories that seemed really false, and sounded like bullshit. My friends used to call me out on it until someone else would validate the story. Those were the best.
gorginfoogle · 2 points · Posted at 15:29:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I hate to be that guy but...is this even true?
gnorty · 1 points · Posted at 17:08:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It must be. If it's a lie, it just confirms it as the truth!
babatong · 1 points · Posted at 17:35:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The problem is when you get so good at it, you start believing your own lies. Then there is just no telling anymore.
OuttaSightVegemite · 2 points · Posted at 07:17:59 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I used to be the exact same. I managed to quit when I finished high school and never saw the same people again so I didn't need to keep up the stories anymore.
Thankfully no one ever called me out or anything...I'm not sure if have been able to cope
Tom908 · 1 points · Posted at 21:53:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Why?
mynameissomethingels · 1 points · Posted at 02:34:52 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I am right there with you. Its hard to admit it to other because they so rarely understand the condition. So you go! Know your not alone :)
UnholyDemigod · 25 points · Posted at 11:06:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I went to school with a fella who tried to tell me Doink the Clown was his dad. This is in Australia, by the way.
ElMachoGrande · 10 points · Posted at 12:22:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well, since Doink has been played by at least a half dozen wrestlers, the odds are better than if he'd chosen some other random dude.
martialartscrocodile · 2 points · Posted at 14:25:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
half a dozen in wwe. there were a lot more fake doinks on indy shows for a long time.
ElMachoGrande · 1 points · Posted at 06:39:56 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Even better odds.
I can't see why anyone would like to have sex with Doink the Clown, though...
AyyLMAOdazdank · 1 points · Posted at 18:37:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Doink.
QueenSkittlez · 11 points · Posted at 12:31:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It started off harmless enough. She was being stalked by an ex boyfriend. I knew some basic self defense, so I taught her what I knew and gave her a knife just in case. We were 15 and stupid. Then she said he brought a friend and the attacked her and forced her to give them blowjobs. She had a hickey on her neck as "proof." I asked how she knew him and told her to go to the police. She revealed that years ago she was a part of a gang with her current boyfriend and they moved here (an hour away) to escape the gang life after the current boyfriend shot and killed 3 people and then killed two more in a car chase... at age 11. Okaaaaay. This is getting slightly less believable. I just nod and smile. A few weeks later and I haven't heard any updates on the stalker, but I want more of this weird story. Turns out the stalker is dead. She walked all day to the neighboring city, slit his throat, and dumped his body in a creek in the forest. And then walked home. All in one night. Sure you did, 100lb 15 year old girl who lived in Minnesota until two years before.
keplar · 9 points · Posted at 12:36:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've known two, I believe, both at work.
The first was harmless, and great at his job. His lies usually revolved around his wife, who was a pharmacist, but whom he claimed was a neurologist surgeon. He would hold fake conversations on the phone, spinning yarns about how she was on the scene of some accident saving people, or in the midst of complex surgery. He also claimed to have spent months on a life raft in the Pacific during his military service, where he spoke to passing ships, islanders, and others using eleven languages he claimed to be fluent in.
The other was a much creepier liar. He also invented things about his wife, claiming her company issued her five BMWs for personal use, because she was so important. He claimed to have been a command sergeant major in the army (he had no verifiable service record of any kind), and to live in a 10,000 square foot mansion on a massive woodland estate (he lived in a 1,200 square foot townhouse in a subdivision). The creepy part came from him talking daily about his "daughters." They varied in number from 3 to 5 (more, once or twice), and were always beautiful, college aged, promiscuous, and spoken of in terms that were neither appropriate for work, nor for a father. We're pretty sure he had no children of either gender, but he definitely got off on talking about young women. He was disciplined repeatedly, and eventually removed from the office over this final issue.
The first guy, if you called him out, he'd laugh and say "you caught me!" Before continuing his story. The second guy would argue, and try to give even more detail.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 20:10:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The first guy sounds fun!
oh_no_not_canola_oil · 7 points · Posted at 12:39:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I once knew a girl who made up an elaborate story as to why she was late showing up for exams, which included her being in a fictitious band, and an 18+ club (when she was 16), herself being a DJ at said club, and herself being gang raped and impregnated by her rapists.
Of course the teacher contacted the police and they interviewed her, and determined she was lying. They asked the club and she never was in there. Her band didn't exist. There were no rapes in that neighborhood that night. They even did a rape kit and said that not only was she not raped, and not pregnant, but she had never had any type of vaginal sex.
The following month she announced via Facebook that she was pregnant with twins from her rape. Only her closest friends believed her (I was a close friend but I didn't believe that wacko). When everyone called bullshit and everyone at school was making fun of her, she faked a "stress miscarriage" where she "lost" both babies. She then said she would sue the school for stressing her out, causing her miscarriage, because (and this is my favorite part) her parents were Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, and Antonin Scalia of the Supreme Court.
TL;DR: A girl pretended to be raped at a club, claimed to be pregnant, claimed to have had a miscarriage, and then said her Supreme Court Justice parent's would sue the school.
[deleted] · 9 points · Posted at 12:39:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This girl I went to high school with. At first her claims weren't that far-fetched (private school).
She loves louis vuitton bags. Loves them. She has eight. The first one she brought on a free dress day, and I was like 'okay', the second one she brought was so very obviously a fake that I almost laughed. It was a strange, novelty shape in the classic brown/gold print, but the chain was plasticy and it was just... so fake.
She was a model. Now, this isn't too strange either, she's part native Australian and has a nice-ish face. Except, one day I saw her on the way to her 'photoshoot', wearing stuff that looked like dollarshop gothic steampunk items. She looked like a trainwreck, the photoshoots were obviously all paid for.
The biggest lie of them all was probably the house on the hill. Where I live, there's a super huge house on a hill that has wall to second story windows. It reflects huge amounts of light and can be seen from massive distances because, well, the houses we have aren't posh or swanky, except for this house. She says her family owns it, that she lives there, etc. Come her birthday and they 'sold the huge property and downgraded to something more humble. Later went to a party with a friend and met the people who had lived there for ten years. The girl then moved to our school and told everyone.
By this point, everyone knew she was a compulsive liar. She lost a huge amount of friends and got such a bad rap. No idea why she felt like she had to lie when she had a relatively good life. I think she was trying to justify her attitude.
Edit: I suck at formatting
Alexstarfire · 1 points · Posted at 20:35:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I feel like it wouldn't be uncommon to change into something at a photoshoot so why would it matter what she wore on the way there?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 09:40:27 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Because the photographer put them up on his facebook.
DankBeams_ · 7 points · Posted at 12:43:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wasn't a friend of mine but, she lied about having cancer. She went on and on everyday saying she was getting worse. A friend wasnt getting sleep and studying because of all this. And this was around final exams last year. The day before she "died" she messaged my friend (the exams girl) and stopped texting for the night. My friend was destroyed she had spent the whole night crying. And the bitch shows up to school on the last day. AND acts like nothing even happened.
downhereforyoursoul · 6 points · Posted at 15:29:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Munchausen Syndrome?
DankBeams_ · 3 points · Posted at 16:13:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Just googled this, I feel its exactly correct.
ChildofValhalla · 7 points · Posted at 14:24:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh man. This topic was made for me.
My buddy, let's call him Cory, is a compulsive liar and always has been. Some lies include, but are not limited to:
1.) "When I was 14 I was travelling Europe with my family and my girlfriend, and she totally gave me road head while I drove on the autobahn" 2.) "My uncle owns a pirate ship and it's part of my inheritance when he dies. When he does, we're gonna sail it around the world." 3.) Told everyone he was taking bartending classes in Detroit. He wasn't. No idea why he told us this
There are a ton more I can post later.
Scummycrummyday · 2 points · Posted at 00:05:09 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
More please!
ColorTimesTen · 9 points · Posted at 16:46:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Oho yes.
Had a friend in college, really social guy, everyone loves him, you know the type. Let's call him James. His lies included:
He used these action hero lies to get into bed with several of my female friends. I ended up sharing a house with this guy and some mutuals. He refused to pay for the wifi, saying "Yeah, if you password protect it, I'll just use a spider crack with rainbow encryption to get in", explaining that he spent all his time in the Navy on 4chan "hacking" and doxxing people. "Haha, yeah not much else to do in a boat hundreds of miles below the surface for MONTHS at a time"
A bit later, a friend of mine is being deployed to work with nuclear reactors and shit for the Navy. On a submarine. I jokingly mentioned the story and his reaction was:
"???? There's no... internet access on subs. And certainly not for leisure use."
Couple years later, I dated a guy that went to his high school, who confirmed "Uh yeah, he went to boot camp and didn't make it, so they sent his ass home after 2 months. He flunked out of his classes all the time though, which is probably why he's starting college at 21.".
Edited to add some details I remembered.
wimaine · 2 points · Posted at 16:58:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Head of IT of the Navy. Absolutely.
Seems legit.
Stabfacenotback · 47 points · Posted at 11:17:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
All the unbelievable stories I've ever been told from various people:
"I survived a tornado that went right over my back" "I got shot in Gary Indiana" "My uncle is a member of the E Street band. I know Bruce by first name." "My cousin is a famous basketball coach" "My brother in law is so famous in his business, he was on the cover of a magazine"
-and the thing is, they're ALL TRUE!
LogMeInCoach · 113 points · Posted at 12:15:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Getting shot in Gary, Indiana doesn't seem too far fetched.
sonsue · 4 points · Posted at 12:43:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
x
Bartweiss · 6 points · Posted at 13:53:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The rules of Gary:
Don't stop for the night.
Don't stop for gas.
Don't stop for anything.
numchuckwoolery · 1 points · Posted at 21:58:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Maybe he ran into Freddie gibbs
Pathetika · -9 points · Posted at 12:53:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was shot ________ (insert name of place in USA)
...not surprising
skymaster__3 · -3 points · Posted at 14:07:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Got shot in orlando? To soon?
Pathetika · 3 points · Posted at 14:09:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Soon, but not surprising
willun · 24 points · Posted at 13:09:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know Bruce by first name. It is Bruce. Though, not the E Street Bruce, if that is important.
Anibal5 · 5 points · Posted at 17:10:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The e street line is killing me .... I mean EVERYONE knows Bruce by his first name ...
c3p-bro · 3 points · Posted at 14:13:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I mean, being 4 degrees removed from someone famous isn't all that crazy.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 15:54:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was on the cover of Times Magazine 2006 once, you know
SeriouslySirius666 · 4 points · Posted at 12:31:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ive actually survived a tornado that went across my street we drove right through it and didn't even notice. Admittedly it was fucking small,
Grimsterr · 2 points · Posted at 15:55:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That first you list, could be me, the rest, not so much.
symbologythere · 2 points · Posted at 01:59:23 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm sure that someone I knew once told me they knew someone in the E Street Band. Must be a common lie.
Stabfacenotback · 1 points · Posted at 11:19:16 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah, I'm sure. But his mom showed me photo albums of her brother and pics of all of them together. So it really was true in this case.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:49:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I used to work near Asbury Park NJ in a music shop. A lot of older sad white guys said they "knew Bruce". It was sad.
Stabfacenotback · 1 points · Posted at 21:28:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah, but this was a 16 year old kid in HS.
GardenGnomeOfEden · 8 points · Posted at 12:35:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a transgender guy in his early twenties who said that he was ex Special Forces and that he wanted to be a spy for the CIA but they told him that because he was so handsome he would be too easily recognizable. Last I saw him he had made a painfully amateur video of himself dancing to club music while waving a knife around. He said "Don't worry about the knife. It's just a prop." At the end of the video, he said, "If you are interested, join my dance crew. We improvise everything - we don't rehearse shit."
aseedandco · 1 points · Posted at 21:00:45 on November 25, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'd watch that video.
Temptressvegan · 9 points · Posted at 12:45:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a boss that was definitely a pathological liar. But not in the "I own a pet monkey that plays chess" kinda way. My grandmother was in the hospital dying from cancer and I asked for time off to spend with her. About a month after my grandmas funeral my other boss (husband of liar liar pants on fire boss) called me into his office to fire me. His reason? Crazy pants boss told him that I made up my grandmas illness and death and she heard me bragging to a co-worker about how I lied to get time off. Interesting note-I worked open to close shifts alone, never saw co-workers. I told him his wife was fucking nuts and left.
[deleted] · 6 points · Posted at 18:40:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He told me his mom was a lesbian who was dying of cancer, in front of her, and she adamantly denied both. He still says both. She still denies both, well, she did end up getting cancer a number of years later, but long after this lie was told repeatedly to anyone who would listen. Sometimes I wonder if she blames her son for essentially jinxing her and giving her cancer.
princesskate · 2 points · Posted at 09:05:55 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
That is amazing. What was your reaction while this was going on?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 09:11:53 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
She was an alcoholic, and he insisted that she was the one lying due to being drunk all the time. I witnessed evidence of that myself a number of times, so I didn't push it much. His mom is now sober and in remission, and engaged to a man, and obviously still denies both. So between that and knowing many of his other lies at this point, it really solidified the first (that I know of) of his lies to me.
freedadonthrowaway · 51 points · Posted at 12:11:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
This guy I met at a bar told me he was former special-forces and had been in numerous ''black ops'' out of nowhere when we were having a casual conversation about football. Asked for his MOS and he said he sniper which immediately set off the bullshit alarm bells in my head. Asked which Group he was with and he said he couldn't tell me because I was a civilian and didn't have a Top Secret Clearance.
I was an SOT-A at Fort Bragg at the time and held a TS clearance so the whole situation was pretty ironic. I laughed in his face and then proceeded to tear him a new asshole in front of everyone at the bar.
He got kicked out.
dramboxf · 20 points · Posted at 17:29:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"Listen, I just met you, so I want to tell you about all these classified things I did as a super-badass, but I can't tell you because it's classified and you don't have the security clearance. Got it?"
"Dude...can you just pass the ketchup?"
"I could kill you with the ketchup bottle!"
Troubador222 · 6 points · Posted at 15:58:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In the 1980s I would run into people claiming to be Vietnam Vets all the time, with these kind of stories. The guys I knew who were real vets tended to be things like regular grunt infantry or diesel mechanics. I knew one guy who had been attached to artillery units and another who was in the Navy and would spend months at a time on board ship within site of the country and never set foot on land there. The stories most of them told most of the time was like my Dad and Uncles from WW II, the funny ones.
raizinbrant · 9 points · Posted at 17:24:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's exactly my experience. I had a boy scouts leader who was deployed with a Blackhawk unit to Bosnia. We asked for war stories when he got back and he said all he did was fill out paperwork regarding helicopter maintenance the entire time. He never even rode in one while there. Another guy in my neighborhood was deployed in northern Iraq. He said they would go around the town to get info from certain people, but it was really friendly, being Kurdish, so he wouldn't even carry his rifle sometimes. He said he never had a gun pointed at him, let alone got shot at. The one guy I knew who may have shot at people and been shot at in Afghanistan only ever told me stories about goats and shitting himself. I only found out he had seen combat from someone else.
[deleted] · 10 points · Posted at 18:04:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
Okla_dept_of_tourism · 7 points · Posted at 18:04:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The University of Oklahoma integrated its football team in 1956, The University of Texas team remained segreated until 1970
TooFabForYou · 3 points · Posted at 20:31:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is the strangest novelty account I've come across. Also, Boomers ftw!
hamelemental2 · 2 points · Posted at 06:53:18 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I kind of love it. It's very anti-texas.
Haoleopteryx · 1 points · Posted at 23:41:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Norman, fetid jewel of the south.
Troubador222 · 2 points · Posted at 17:54:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Most of those guys dont want to relive it. My father was part of the Okinawa invasion and late in his life told me a few things he saw an was part of that bothered him. My Uncle late in his life told me he was with a unit that liberated one of the smaller death camps in the European theater but would not say more than that. I said something stupid along the lines of how that must have been terrible and he told me that I could not even imagine how bad and that was the end of that.
adamdeluxedition · 3 points · Posted at 21:48:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My absolute favorite types of stories. I'm the the army myself, and the amount of shit people think they can get away with is astounding. These guys are always the best. MOS - Infantry scout sniper. Oh.. Too bad that NOT A FUCKING MOS YOU BAG OF DICKS.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:34:33 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
WHY? WHY IS IT ALWAYS THIS!? I feel you brother, they always say that shit.
Should start offering to take them to the range, and watch them struggle to ring steel at anything over 200. I think it would amuse me significantly.
13B/11B(secondary), 1st ID, 2nd BCT (in DEU, as I understand is HQ'd at riley these days). scout sniper lol
GhotinB · 2 points · Posted at 17:06:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Why would the sniper thing tell you he was lying? Sorry, I'm a civilian and not really in the know of that kind of stuff, but I do find it interesting when anyone is willing to talk about it.
XiggiSergei · 7 points · Posted at 20:11:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Soldiers almost never state their method of service to another soldier (and you can tell who's been in the service too well over 80% of the time; it's written all over most people) by just saying "sniper". MOS is presented as what is essentially code. For instance, if I recall, 11B3V is a Infantry SSG with a Ranger Tab. G is Ranger tab qualified, P is airborne, V would be a Airborne and Ranger qualified, etc. And all divisions of the military have them, as far as I know, so if you're a Ranger and this dude is pretending to be and doesn't know his own fucking MOS further than "I shot at things far away" in the equivalent civvie speak, you know he's being a Michael and lying his cock off.
Edit: source: father is a Ranger. He taught me MOS designations as a kid for fun.
anarrogantworm · 3 points · Posted at 18:24:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm not a soldier either, but with many professions it would be blatantly obvious if someone was just pretending to work in that field.
Like, I don't know what you do, but I'd imagine if I came in and said I was in the same line of work as you and started telling you all about how it works, it'd be clear pretty fast that I had no idea what I was talking about.
Ghili · 3 points · Posted at 20:11:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not in the military, but i believe there is a specific name for "snipers".
If someone walked up to me and said they were an audio engineer, I could tell within 10 seconds whether they were lying or not.
elaxation · 3 points · Posted at 20:45:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Every soldier's job has a MOS attached to it. Sniper is not an MOS, it's a skill identifier (ASI). If someone asks you your MOS, you're likely to say oh I'm a 13B/Combat Medic/in Logistics. Asking someone their MOS and hearing "Sniper" or "Paratrooper" sets off bullshit alarms because that's not the question that was asked.
When I was at Bragg sleezeballs at bars near Fayettnam loved to say they were Paratroopers when asked their MOS... but you can be literally any job in the Army and a Paratrooper as long as you make it through jump school.
Source: Army brat from a dual military family with almost a decade as a 37F.
Zagamun · 2 points · Posted at 20:08:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Being a sniper and being in the special forces are the occupations of choice for people who like to pretend they're action movie heroes.
I've seen a lot of military guys complain about people like that. Apparently it's a pretty common claim.
pm_me_mean_things · 2 points · Posted at 01:43:53 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
How many confirmed kills did he have?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:58:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had this same conversation with a guy at a bar a couple years ago. (He was the sniper, just so we're clear.)
slunch · 1 points · Posted at 21:24:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Did everyone clap afterwards?
willun · 16 points · Posted at 13:14:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I attended a course on public speaking in Australia. The trainer told us that we have to have a goal in life. His goal is to run the Boston marathon. He told us at length how he had to train for it, it was not about speed but being able to run your laps at a consistent pace. On and on he went. We were impressed.
A year later, one of my work colleagues, who was also at the same course, came across the trainer at a party. He asked him how did he go at the Boston marathon. The trainer looked at him, as in, what the hell are you talking about.
Twas all a lie.
IWillCube · 60 points · Posted at 11:46:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Plot Twist: Everyone here is lying about people being compulsive liars!
ChewFlocka_ · 2 points · Posted at 14:10:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have this odd feeling this is wildly accurate.
Tridian · 2 points · Posted at 00:50:49 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm 90% certain that I've read at least two complete bullshit posts so far.
LegitLucifer · 1 points · Posted at 19:41:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I think you're lying about everyone lying about compulsive liars.
VisioningHail · 1 points · Posted at 00:58:49 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Welcome to /r/askreddit
sanii123 · 14 points · Posted at 12:22:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
that her father died (this was in high school. we saw him at a parent-teacher interview one week later)
that she had stage II leukaemia
that she was moving away forever, prompting me and the rest of her friend circle to throw a surprise party for her (only to find out that she never was)
that she was raped
that she was pregnant after being "raped"
These are some notable lies. I'm not even going to get into the day-to-day lies she comes up with
LittlePrettyThings · 6 points · Posted at 13:01:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I came here to post literally this. Except it wasn't her father who had died, it was her grandmother... multiple times.
Seems there's a pattern with these kinds of people.
steve5006 · 2 points · Posted at 17:06:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I think I know the same girl. I was just waiting for her to come up. I had friends who knew this girl too and her grandma has died something close to 50 times. The last time I got fed up with it and stopped talking to her.
If you don't want to hang out with me, that's fine make up some simple lie like you're busy, don't make plans with me and then tell me at the last minute that you can't go because your grandma died.
Johnny_Cocaine · 8 points · Posted at 12:21:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
was going somewhere with friend and his gf. conversation came up about food, and that I just had a hot pocket or something like that. Then he says he just had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. His gf says, "no you didn't, why are you always lying?" They had just gotten mcdonalds. Then they got into it a bit.
He did always lie about dumb shit, nothing major though, so it didn't effect our friendship. But no clue why he'd lie about random stupid things so often.
TeemingHail · 1 points · Posted at 01:32:39 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
typically people who lie about random dumb shit are just trying to make themselves look better to other people.
Johnny_Cocaine · 1 points · Posted at 12:35:02 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
yea but how is saying you had a pb&j making yourself look better? He typically lied about dumb shit, not stuff to make himself look good. He actually wasn't a braggart in any way.
TeemingHail · 1 points · Posted at 15:21:53 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
i dunno
gusinater · 5 points · Posted at 12:32:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oooh man, Max, Maximillian the Maximus.
-His parents died in the Cold War (Russian) -Hes being hunted by Russian spies -Hes shot a bear -Hes an airplane mechanic and makes 80$ an hour -Hes done shrooms -I forget the original specs but he claims to have a super computer - like, one that could cost easily over 4 grand. -For his friends birthday they rented a ski lodge, got drunk and went down the slopes in a "wheelless gokart" (a sled).
We were freshmen in highschool and knew his parents. The only true piece of information he told us was that he smoked weed, but everyone did so no one cared.
Liquorace · 0 points · Posted at 17:39:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's not a lie. I spent $2,000 on my current build, and that's with skimping on a video card.
gusinater · 3 points · Posted at 19:09:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know they can cost that much, but we're Juniors in highschool, and hes by no means rich.
Liquorace · 1 points · Posted at 01:22:37 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ah. I get it now.
Bad-Science · 7 points · Posted at 19:54:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I got accused of this once at school in about 5th grade. One of our classes was about poetry, and I claimed that not only did I know Robert Frost, but that he was a relative, I'd spent time with him, and my father had a signed copy of one of his books.
I insisted it was true for days at school.
It turns out that I have a cousin named 'Robert Forest'. He'd self-published a book of (bad poetry) and had given my dad one. But it was too late. From then on anything I ever claimed to my classmates was automatically considered 'another lie'.
[deleted] · 8 points · Posted at 22:45:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I used to be a compulsive liar, before I hit a certain age, became conscious of it and cut it out.
One of the most absurd lies I told was in class to two girls. I told them I was friends with some lads who lived on my Nan's road and that they'd invited me to a party where they were playing 'Sex in the Middle' where you had to try to leap across the group of people having an orgy and if you fell short, you had to/got to join in. It was illustrated quite well, complete with alcohol, drugs and many a protruding boob.
Then the girl that always got detention overheard, explained that she knew the lads I was referring to and threatened to tell them I was telling lies about them.
Understandably, I back-pedalled fast... But it still took me until I was about 21, following a break-up with the love of my late teenage years/early twenties (due to deceit of my own in varying forms) to stem that bad habit.
Now, I struggle telling even a basic lie and have adopted a freeing form of total honesty, of which this comment is quite a meta example. Yay for self-growth!
Pornandkarma · 32 points · Posted at 11:58:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Kid when I was younger said he could fly. Turns out he could not fly, he broke his wrist when he jumped down the steps. Fuck you Cody, you liar.
InRealLifeImQuiteBig · 4 points · Posted at 15:19:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well he's got the first part of flying down. Throwing yourself at the ground. Now he just has to get the second, and much more difficult, part down. Missing the ground
Werlingdjd · 1 points · Posted at 16:28:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Never thought about it that way, thanks for opening my eyes.
foolish_me · 1 points · Posted at 15:14:17 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Gotta hand it to Cody, at least he stepped up... or down, or whatever.
[deleted] · 163 points · Posted at 10:39:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[removed]
willsketchforsheep · 128 points · Posted at 13:21:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
This was posted in another thread before, wasn't it?
EDIT: OP you slimy dog.
Shame.
Spartan2470 · 23 points · Posted at 13:51:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
/u/LloydWhite appears to be a spambot that copies and pastes previous submissions and comments.
Its comment here is a copy and paste of /u/ExpendableJoe's top (and gilded) comment here.
Its comment before that is a copy and paste of /u/FrankBurlyPI's comment here.
Its comment before that is a copy and paste of /u/Ttran778's comment here.
Ripcode11 · 38 points · Posted at 13:27:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
If you think about it, THIS is the most ridiculous, obviously fake story that we've been told
Either OP is a liar, or just meta in a whole nother level
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 13:41:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dog move, OP
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:53:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I think you should draw this scenario out and post it here. Unfortunately, I've only got wood and ore to offer.
Thorn_The_Maktig · 1 points · Posted at 14:00:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Respect.
virella789 · 1 points · Posted at 13:42:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This guy's a phony!
NightwingDragon · 1 points · Posted at 14:07:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Could be an alt account.
FunpostingConvert · 1 points · Posted at 05:09:48 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
Until he deleted his comment that is.
sitah · 17 points · Posted at 12:54:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My youngest brother once asked what a fire axe is for and my brother and I told him that it was for hitting fire. And that if you hit fire repeatedly with the axe, it will extinguish. Couple weeks after that he makes a comment about how he's glad he asked us what a fire axe was for because it was on his school exam while I was hanging out with my firefighter friend and then proceeded to tell my firefighter friend what it was for. And of course he spoke out and told him that was bullshit we made up to trick hi. I asked what the exam question was and he said it was to enumerate and explain things you could use in case of a fire and he put fire axe with that explanation but the teacher still marked it correct so he was still happy.
DNZ_not_DMZ · 51 points · Posted at 12:25:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's actually hilarious. Poor guy would've gotten laughed out the door insisting that proto-Vikings had helmets with dual carrots sticking out of them.
Spartan2470 · 2 points · Posted at 13:45:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
For those who may not know, /u/LloydWhite appears to be a spambot that copies and pastes previous submissions and comments. Here it copied and pasted /u/AgentSpaceCowboy's comment from this thread.
Its comment here is a copy and paste of /u/ExpendableJoe's top (and gilded) comment here.
Its comment before that is a copy and paste of /u/FrankBurlyPI's comment here.
Its comment before that is a copy and paste of /u/Ttran778's comment here.
ShroudedSciuridae · 1 points · Posted at 13:08:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was far older than I like to admit before I realized, in a similarly embarrassing situation, that my father was not actually in The Beatles before leaving the band to play for the Green Bay Packers.
Sockscake · 1 points · Posted at 14:02:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Fucking shit man.... lol
dabosweeney · 1 points · Posted at 14:10:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Repost
[deleted] · -6 points · Posted at 12:32:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 13:24:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He's pretty close; he's the liar.
GBWI · 31 points · Posted at 11:36:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Guy told me that he knew for a fact the Pyramids were built for grain storage, not as tombs. And I should totally believe him, since he had once received a full scholarship to West Point.
[deleted] · 25 points · Posted at 13:23:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
fatmand00 · 4 points · Posted at 16:18:09 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
thatwasthejoke.jpg
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 14:23:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
FunkyFortuneNone · 1 points · Posted at 18:03:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Meh. Was certainly used deceptively and/or incorrectly. I feel it is acceptably used by /u/GBWI's original post.
Quote from Politifact:
Olliewilson101 · 7 points · Posted at 12:43:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have a friend who has mouth-shitted the following lies...ehem:
He's had sex with a russian pornstar.
He's been in 2 threesomes with 2 girls by age 17.
He could've been a pro snowboarder but shattered his femur at age 14.
Said his dad was going to buy him a Ferrari when he left school (He's now 20 and still hasn't learned to drive)
Beaten up 3 guys at once in a club.
Got kicked out of his Karate class for being too dangerous.
He also likes to brag about how many drugs he can take. He said he popped 3 ecstasy, pills, a gram of coke and a tab of acid in one night. Surely a dose that would kill a buffalo...
Anyway we love hearing these stories from him, always make us laugh when he's not around.
Edit: He also went to live in Egypt to work as a photographer at a family resort. Came home 2 weeks later cause apparently he got caught dealing coke out there and had to get bailed out by his mum.
enormuschwanzstucker · 2 points · Posted at 22:50:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Actually the drug bit is the only believable one. It didn't kill my buddy, but then again he was like Drugs Delaney.
Self-Aware · 1 points · Posted at 23:40:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The drug mix would be survivable, depending on how strong the pills were.
[deleted] · 7 points · Posted at 12:55:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh god I'm so happy I have a coworker who just makes shit up non stop. He's mid 40s with kids etc
Told me he blinded a turkey with his high beams and killed it with a hockey stick from his trunk. Turkeys are incredibly fast and scared of anything, you'd never get close.
Told me he went to an NHL hockey team practice and the team chanted his name and gave him a stick because he yelled at the captain.
Constantly tells me about movies or video games he thinks I don't know anything about and explains plots or game mechanics that didn't happen or don't exist. That he also cracks any good video game that comes out.
Explains that he built his own 5 TB solid state drive for his computer among other ridiculous tech stuff.
The internet went down at work once and he told me he hacked into our "servers" and turned on the back up because the first one went down and that's why we have two.
That people who give him a hard time at work (Co workers, our boss etc) he tells them to fuck off and such on a regular basis if they are being ridiculous.
These are just some I can think of now.
downhereforyoursoul · 1 points · Posted at 15:46:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He was most likely lying about the turkey (beating it with a hockey stick? Really?) but there are some dumb ass turkeys out there. I nearly ran over one on a country road and had to stop to let it pass. He just stood there in the road for a minute looking confused. That was the first time I saw one up close because usually they do run like hell. I learned that day that wild turkeys are ugly as fuck.
ElChorizo · 6 points · Posted at 13:24:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he's friends with the Rock (he calls the Rock DJ cause DJ just wants to be treated like a regular guy) and the Rock got him seats to WrestleMania this year. I want to say he also got to hang out with the Rock the night of WrestleMania, although I think the people who report on wrestling said he was only in town for a couple hours so he could make his appearance and then get back on set of whatever movie he was producing.
This is the same guy that's apparently partied with Tony Romo on weekends every once in a while.
cruisecontrolx · 1 points · Posted at 18:20:07 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I feel like the Rock would be really cool about someone calling him DJ.
Frank1180 · 7 points · Posted at 14:05:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I work with a woman named Allison who is about 5ft tall and heavy, she has 2 children 10 and 13 , you cannot believe anything she says . In the 3 years I've worked with her she has said
-she "literally" cannot function unless she runs 8 miles every day - her mother has won employee of the year for the entire city of Las Vegas 4 years in a row (she is a cocktail server) -she has two guitars signed by the Beatles -she is a professional guitarist -she was a professional archer -she is a pool shark -she is a great golfer -she has been a seat filler for 15 awards shows and has produced and starred in her own movie - she helped rebuild New Orleans after Katrina (even though she would have just given birth) -she has personally delivered hearts for transplant via helicopter -she is a part time math professor at the local community college (she can't calculate 20% without a calculator) -Jennifer Lawrence used to babysit for her -she will often bring to work breakfast that her boyfriend made for her ... In a Denny's Togo box -she has season tickets to the Cubs and the White Sox (never goes to games) -she has won the lottery (only a couple hundred thousand) -she has a pilots license -she was the first person to test drive a Tesla in the entire world -her brother is best friends with DiCaprio -a customer from her last place of employment bought her a car because of how good a job she did -she has a lake house in Arizona (she never goes because she rents it )
I could go on and on and on
JerkasaurousRexx · 7 points · Posted at 15:35:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A few people have told me that they have a black lotus but always leave it at home.
When asked if its foil, all of them say yes.
kittypuppet · 1 points · Posted at 19:47:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
.....
Wow. Do they just.. okay. $50 says they're proxies.
twistedpants · 6 points · Posted at 15:53:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Let's see.
Helen as I shall call her moved to our area at the start of secondary school, and it started innocently enough with
" I have a dog" a dog that didn't exist. A dog that after promising and failing to bring to the park numerous times went away to live with grandma having never been seen or heard.
" I lost my virginity with my 28 year old boyfriend while he was riding his motorbike"- apparently they had sex on a motorbike doing 70mph on the M1. ... she was 14 at the time.
It escalated. ..and all the lies were targeted at people who had experienced personal tragedy or hurt.
" my parents are divorcing" to me whose parents had divorced two years previously
" my sister is dying of cancer" to the girl who's brother had died of cancer a few years previously
" my dad isn't my real dad and my mum is really my aunt" to my adopted friend who has just found out and was very upset at the time.
It then got worse. People started to see through her bullshit when people didn't die, or you know.. they spoke to her sisters who went to our school who told us the truth.
She targeted one girl. Wrote a suicide note naming said girl as her bully and torturer. She " cut herself" (scratches with a biro lid) withdrew from everything then one day " vanished" leaving the suicide note on her bed and a diary full of shit that never happened naming a dozen girls at school but specifically this one person.
Load of shit. The girl she named was nearly suspended. A lot of us were in trouble and given detention. Fierce anti bullying talks went on. And through it all Helen sat with her shit eating grin having been found near the railway lines within about two hours of going "missing".
What's worse. The girl that was nearly suspended was self harming. Was genuinely suffering and struggling daily. Needless to say it didn't help her life.
Fridgecake · 5 points · Posted at 16:07:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So I knew a guy at university who told us, amongst 100 other things I couldn't remember:
He's got a few videos on the web for some of the presenting work he's done since he left university so it seems like he's doing alright.
ruckfall · 6 points · Posted at 16:43:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a mean, racist and unattractive coworker who insisted that all of the prettier coworkers were mean, all of the nice coworkers were ugly, and I (since I called her on her racism) was racist.
She said that her cousin knew the jonas brothers, and that she went to one of their houses and saw miley through the window. Then Nick or Joe or Sparky Jonas (idk their names) took her to his room and he had hand prints on the walls of all the girls that he thought were beautiful, and he asked her to put her handprint on the wall.
wimaine · 1 points · Posted at 16:47:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Have an upvote just for the lol
UNP0XBL · 5 points · Posted at 17:58:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
While it wasn't obviously fake, I'll give this one a go.
We have this customer who we call "The Professor." He always calls ahead and tries to barter a deal on his order, and always refers to himself as The Professor when he orders. We always just give him the deal everyone gets for buying in bulk, but the man thinks he's being hooked up. He obviously wants to be respected or treated well, whatever.
The last visit, he wanted to stick around and sample some items after he picked up and paid which was fine. Did my normal sales spiels, kissed his ass (figuratively), and just treated him well, after all he is "The Professor. "
Maybe 5 minutes go by, and he leans out the large storefront window and looks just down the street and goes "Ha. They're checking out my Maserati. Must not see to many around here." I just smiled and bit my tongue, because in this area I had seen plenty of luxury cars.
He heads out, and me, I'm the curious type. I give him a minute and look out the window as he's walking down the street, I kinda wanna see this Maserati. As he gets to the corner, I see him hop in no other than a...
...Prius.
greenzeppelin · 6 points · Posted at 20:41:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm kind of sad this is going to get buried, but here's the story anyway.
I went to high school with a dude named Garrett that was a compulsive liar. He had quite a few ridiculous and fake stories. Many of my favorites stem from a central story that he was a karate master at a secret underground dojo and he frequently flew out to Tokyo for underground karate tournaments. During one such tournament he won one bout but broke his arm in the process. Because of this, he was forced to forfeit to his rival from another dojo. After numerous insults, Garrett's master decided to step in to defend his honor which resulted in his tragic death. As his master was dying in his arms, a magical bird flew from the ceiling to heal his broken arm. He went on to defeat his rival.
inukagokik · 2 points · Posted at 20:54:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
LOL wtf
JuntaEx · 4 points · Posted at 22:42:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend had no dad growing up, so he invented this cool, older brother type dude called Dominic. We always seemed to just miss him... "You guys are too slow, he just left... see the black car over there? That's him.". He learned skateboarding, video games, hockey, pretty much everything from this dude nobody ever saw.
We realized it at one point and I had an argument about it but even younger I knew to just let it go. He doesn't talk about it any more and we don't bring it up. RIP Dominic, you glorious bastard, thanks for raising my friend into a good person.
PorcupineTreeClimber · 12 points · Posted at 11:34:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"Did you know that smoking can actually strengthens your lungs where activities like running alongside a busy road increases your exposure to carbon monoxide and is much worse for your health?!"... former house mate who was also a professional ballerina and was also approached on the train while listening to her iPod as she could be a professional singer.
FuzzyCub20 · 8 points · Posted at 13:12:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Listen to my story, because Im still dealing with this to this day.
My sister states that she is mentally ill and cannot control her anger, and will have complete meltdowns where she threatens to kill herself, will throw things through the house, and hurt people around her, all in full view of her kids. It is impossible to calm her down. When she does come down on her own, she promises to get help, either with medication, or with therapy, or with institutionalizition because she thinks its unhealthy for the kids. The next day she goes back on those promises, tries to sweet talk her way out of getting help, says she's doing much better. The whole time her husband supports her financially, I am a live-in nanny for her. I cook, clean, do the laundry, feed the girls, and entertain them, while she sits and smokes and watches television all day. She states that she is an independant woman and we are holding her back, because (I think) she has painted it in her head in a twisted way that she is. Two days ago she had a complete meltdown and threatened to kill herself (she actually almost did kill herself back in Feb and spent the entire fucking month on life support). We had enough. We gave her an ultimatum: Stay with my sister for a couple months in Ohio or face being institutionalized against her will, so she went. Last night she calls and screams at us for two hours, saying we're trying to kidnap her children, that we dont care about her, that if I dont wake the girls up at 11pm and put them on the phone she'll call the police and tell them we do drugs, the house is unfit, Ive molested them (Im 24 and gay btw), etc. At this point, I dont know what to do. Shes painted this picture in her head of how the world is, andanipulates people around her to her advantage because she has a "condition". I love my sisterx but I cant enable her anymore and I will not be hurt by her. For context, Ive lost two jobs already because of her, am without a car, and my hair is turning grey.
Pillseh · 8 points · Posted at 22:25:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You're a great person, you really are. These things she's saying is out of desperation, ignore them even if they hurt and stay firm. If she still doesn't change then you might want to let it go and just keep on with yourself.
Hope everything turns out fine.
FuzzyCub20 · 2 points · Posted at 23:42:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Thanks, and I ak staying firm. She budged today and said shell stay with my sister for a month and then seek help.
BestPirateEver · 3 points · Posted at 06:50:23 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
You're doing an amazing thing by giving those kids a safe and stable environment. So sorry all of this is going on in the first place.
FuzzyCub20 · 1 points · Posted at 18:19:39 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Thank you so much. It means a lot to me.
Zarrganaut_ · 4 points · Posted at 11:53:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My boyfriend's brother tried to get into the marines after dropping out of school and getting his GED. He failed his drug test and had to move in with their sister. He told all his friends he was leaving for Afghanistan while he was really loafing on her couch a state over. He posted a long goodbye on Facebook and everyone wished him luck. After six months of battlefield 3 and Doritos he returned to visit with photoshopped pictures and stories of fallen comrades. He claimed to have killed people and even wept in front of his friends over it. My boyfriends family found out and told everyone the truth. He blocked contact with almost everyone and just bounces from couch to couch now. He has serious emotional issues and a severe lying problem.
Also my boyfriend and I have a compulsive lying coworker, Jon. About six months ago we took Jon out to dinner because his wife left "to visit family in Ohio" for three months. She also took their 3 year old daughter with her. My boyfriend asked Jon why his wife would leave with their daughter for such a long time. "She says we need space", was Jon's reply. We found out recently through other coworkers that she had actually left because their daughter woke Jon up and he threw her across the room, dislocating her arm. This is the worst of the many lies he tells at work.
equilax · 5 points · Posted at 12:24:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a guy who at various points has told me:
Fun story on the last one: a local tattoo artist got wind of the fact it was a wig, and had a bounty, where if you brought it to him, he'd tattoo you for me.
moomsy · 7 points · Posted at 12:49:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There's a guy I went to law school with who really thought we were bestest friends. He called the two of us "bosom buddies" more than once, and I decided not to look into what that might mean. To this day, he lies constantly about things that he shouldn't really need to lie about. It's fascinating.
I'd just started dating a girl a year behind us in school, and he told her that I had drunk dialed him at three in the morning the night before. She didn't want me getting drunk, at least not without her knowing about it, so it caused some tension between the two of us.
It's funny, because a) I've never had a single drink in my life, and b) I've never had this guy's number. The story was completely off-base, but the girl was open to believing it because we were just getting to know each other.
We are both straight men. I have no idea why he thought it would be cool to tell people I drunk dialed him.
Bananageddon · 4 points · Posted at 12:51:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I met a older guy (late fifties-ish) in a slightly dingy hostel in Hong Kong who claimed to be working in mainland China as a "freelance private diplomat" who solved "exotic problems for high ranking people, strictly off the books". He said he had inside knowledge of all sorts of nonsense about the inner workings of the Chinese government, which he clearly didn't. He also told me that he had been close friends with the members of the Grateful Dead, and was actually the guy who told them that they should be in a band. He said he'd been their informal manager when they first formed and that they actually owed him millions in royalties, but that he'd never tried to get any money from them cos "being the guy who gave the gift of the Grateful Dead to the world was enough of a reward".
He gave me his business card and out of mild curiosity I did some googling the next day (I don't know anything about the Grateful Dead, other than they're big in america and they have a Ben and Gerry's flavour named after them). To my surprise I found a really old webpage that told the story of the founding of the band, and appeared to confirm a lot of what he'd told me. About 10 seconds later I felt like an idiot cos the guy I talked to was clearly the same person who'd written the webpage.
Nice guy, though. You can meet some interesting people in hostels.
nuwaanda · 6 points · Posted at 13:22:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So, my brother is a compulsive, pathological liar. Unfortunately he is extremely smart, but not very socially smart. In high school he would tell stories about how he rode his bike from Detroit to Ann Arbor, then his lie would evolve to the point where he would tell people that he rode his bike along the coast of Michigan. Well, growing up I was told not to be a tattle tale, so I would just tell people he was exaggerating but not tell anyone who would punish him because, well, what was the point? If he damaged his reputation that wasn't on me. Anyways, fast forward a few years, I don't talk to him much because he is just one giant bad exaggeration, and he is telling my parents that he has taken up day trading on the side to make some money. Hey, good for him! He took $1000 from working a summer at McDonalds (He was 22-24 at this time, no debts, living at home, no school, etc.) and invested that. He was showing documents and investment history, percentage increases, making it look as legit as possible. I lived 300 miles away and had the mentality of "Alright, I doubt he is actually doing this but whatever. Maybe he's doing shit on the dark internet or something- what is me saying he is lying going to do." I should have taken more responsibility than I did, but that's not the point. Around November 2013 my brother, this story is coming second hand to me, goes and talks to my parents in complete tears that someone hacked into his bank account and took everything he had, and he needed some more capital to get back into day trading. They gave him a few thousand dollars (money they probably took out of emergency savings, their 401(k) or something) and he went on his marry way, "Day trading." My mother passes away extremely suddenly two months later, even more tragically we had just cancelled her second life insurance policy, so instead of getting 100k, we got 50k. My father being completely distraught asks my brother to see if he can double that in the market, and gives him about 38k- after paying for the funeral, last minute expenses, everything. That summer we found out that not only had my brother been faking all documents that "proved" he was day trading, over the course of the last two years, but he had been forging my father signatures and wiping clean his investment and retirement accounts- over $200k. I even had about $5k stashed at my parents house in case of a MASSIVE emergency and that was gone, too.My father hadn't been checking his accounts too closely due not only to grief, but my mother had been disabled and sick, her health, unknown to us, rapidly declining over the past two years. Upon further investigation he stole from stores to resell items, stole Christmas gifts that could easily be "lost," lied to our entire family, and was surprised when he got kicked out. We still don't know how he spent all of that money.
agreenman04 · 3 points · Posted at 18:28:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What I really want to know is, how many of these responses are actually lies by pathological liars?
Gods_Righteous_Fury · 5 points · Posted at 19:43:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
So my former, I want to really emphasize former, friend said that:
He's fucking nuts though. When one of my buddies was having a party he got absolutely obliterated and tried to steal his neighbours truck. I know because he grabbed my arm and said we were going for a walk. He'd also lie about tiny, insignificant stuff like he's in the top global 1000 for Halo or that he was getting a plasma screen tv back when those were super cool.
diddyzig · 5 points · Posted at 19:51:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A closeted kid in my high school claimed to have had sex with his girlfriend so intensely (the night before) that he ripped her walls and she had to go to the hospital. Made a point to mention there being a lot of blood. He said this with a stoned "you know what I'm talking about" look on his face. IDK, if I ripped my gf's walls, I would be more concerned then he seemed to be
oompaloompamunchkin · 5 points · Posted at 21:17:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
i once knew a kid at a summer camp who had some psychological issues of some kind. He told the most absurd stories to everyone, even adults who he knew would never believe them.
(He told these stories over the course of a few years between the ages of 10-13, he was a chubby short kid from somewhere in Massachusetts.)
Gabe liked free running on the rooftops of skyscrapers in Manhattan for fun.
One day his 19 year old girlfriend with huge tits was shot with an AK by one of his many foes that were jealous of him. He disarmed the hoodlum and killed him as he begged for mercy. he had to carry her across the city free running like batman to a hospital and saved her life.
He lost his virginity at age 9
He had taken part in a bank robbery that was disturbingly similar to the one that takes place halfway through the plot of GTA IV.
He didnt like being at camp mostly because he couldnt have his favorite drink- Scotch
On another occasion he was shot by another jealous Gabe-wannabe, removed the bullet himself, and killed the assailant.
He was experienced with drugs such as Coke
he estimated that he had slept with around 26 women during his age 9-12 sex life.
Once i talked to him alone about his lying and shit, because everyone disliked him for it (myself included) i did my best to be nice about it and see if at the very least he would admit that some werent true. He insisted that his stories were all true.
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 21:35:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I got a doozy of a "friend",
Calls me in middle school and wants me to meet him at the library for a D&D game some other kids are putting on. I go to the library and wait forever but see no one. I finally call him from a pay phone and he says he's on his way. I wait another 30 minutes and finally decide to walk to his house. His mom tells me he went to the baseball card shop because they were having a sale.
In middle school he claimed that he worked under the table for a guy during the summer tearing apart an old building. Said it turned out the building was full of asbestos and the guy was paying kids to remove it and now he was part of a lawsuit that would net him over $100,000 and he'll remember his friends when he gets all his money.
After high school he tells me he has a job at a factory paying $9/hour and I should come out and work with him. I quit my very easy $7.30/hour job and get a job at this horrible factory. Find out at the end of my interview that the job only pays $7/hour.
Says he's being scouted by the NFL. They spotted him playing on some local nobody team. I suppose it's pretty standard for the NFL to contract with an overweight 30 year old who wasn't good enough to play in college.
Says he's in a band that is going to be the opening act for Ozzy Osbourne... with a straight face and perpetuated this lie for quite some time with a feeble excuse about scheduling when it inevitably never happened.
Tells everyone that the place he's working at is going to get it's own reality TV show that will be featured on Discovery or whatever network airs all those shows. He went into great depth for this one. He talked about how little money he would make the 1st year but if they got a second season he could be earning $30,000 per episode. He had times and dates even picked out that the show would air. I told him I was having a hard time finding it on any schedule but would love to watch it when it finally airs. It must be airing any day now because this was about 4 years ago.
Says the girls he's dating has two Masters degrees. I ask why she doesn't have a job and is homeless. He replies that he's SEEN the degrees and she just doesn't feel like working right now. Also, she's super wealthy but can't get to her money right now because her lawyer is overseas on business. Let's hope her lawyer makes it back, since she can't access any of her wealth without the guy.
Here's a more recent one, get ready for this... FAKES CANCER. Yes, he's been faking cancer for about 2 years now.
The most recent, he's in another lawsuit. This time it's because the doctors for 2 years straight misdiagnosed him with cancer and he's now suing them. Reminded me I better stay his friend because he's going to be rich soon. I suppose he already forgot that he pulled this one back in middle school.
Doc_tito · 5 points · Posted at 22:50:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy that would always meet clients at my bar (probably to sell some shitty pyramid scheme) and would always ask for a sample of the beers over and over always had some bullshit story. My favorite and most infuriating was one Memorial Day when some buddies and I were toasting lost brothers. He comes over and asks if he could make one. Of course! pour him a round of some damn fine tequila and he raises his glass with us. Told us he served and said he was special forces, then proceeded to give the "lost a lot of good men, saw some shit, don't want to talk about it." Couldn't even answer what branch he was with or when he was in. Loved it even more because directly to my right was my favorite green beret who has seen action in all the worlds armpits. In the calmest and most reasonable tone he tore this asshole down to where it took him 6 months to sheepishly show his face in there again....
Oh yeah and also you guys know Veronica Vaughan? That fine piece of ace... Me and her Got.It.On.
ouijahead · 1 points · Posted at 08:00:40 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
No you didn't.
Doc_tito · 2 points · Posted at 00:30:54 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
No. No I didn't. But this guy I knew.
STOMPATRON · 23 points · Posted at 10:33:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I once worked with a guy at a bar. The restaurant was crazy packed and our manager was doing her best to keep everything under control. A lady and her kids came in asking for a table and he told them there'd be one for them in 10 mins.
30 minutes later she's not happy and would like to talk to the manager. I'm clearing up right next to him when I hear him say "I'm the manager." She complains to him and he just turns and walks away, dismissing her in a needlessly rude way. She stands there looking shocked then starts shouting after him. He came back and they get into a heated argument. The actual manager stops on her way past and asks what the problem is. The woman tells her that the "manager" is being rude etc. The other guy says "this bitch is fucking crazy" and storms off.
It was so weird to witness a guy create a dumb situation and then just deny it shamelessly. Why didn't I do anything to help the situation? Because 1. I never thought it would end up where it did, 2. I love watching drama unfold and 3. Ugh I hated my job
veritable_valiant · 14 points · Posted at 10:31:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This guy that constantly makes up stories told me he moved his buddy's 2016 Trans-am with a forklift in downtown Chicago because it was in front of a fire hydrant. First, there is no 2016 Trans-am, Pontiac has been out of business for years. Also, who's forklift? Why what there a forklift on the streets of Chicago? You don't know how to operate a forklift, even if you did, who would let you move their car with it? Why didn't he just drive the car?
quaid4 · 1 points · Posted at 13:54:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Forklifts are easy to drive and figure out, also I think the idea of his story was along the lines of "my idiot buddy parked in front of a fire hydrant so I (moved it with a forklift to help him out/moved it with a forklift, that'll show him eh?
veritable_valiant · 2 points · Posted at 16:08:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I think he was meaning to help out. And knowing this guy like I do, I don't think he'd figure out the forklift no matter how easy it was. And now that I've been thinking about it, that would definitely damage the car. Also, how badass would a 2016 Trans-am be?
quaid4 · 1 points · Posted at 19:20:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I mean, how bad ass would any Pontiac be if they were still around?
scruffmagee · 1 points · Posted at 17:52:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Actually.....
veritable_valiant · 1 points · Posted at 17:55:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wow, it looks just as badass at I imagined
AmpedupFit · 1 points · Posted at 19:39:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Totally BS story , and you can always ask him what number car it was... 2016 Trans-Am
reverseswang · 13 points · Posted at 10:52:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One of the guys I used to work with was a pretty bad "Walt". In America it's called "Stolen Valor". He had served in the Army but his stories were always dialed up to 11: serving in elite units, being present at major battles, engaging in heroic actions, and lots of "I can't really speak about but..." bragging. To be honest I didn't know about military stuff to really call him out and it always smelled like bullshit, but a couple of people did finally call him out after he told a story about getting a classified medal (which he had to claim, because he'd listed his actual service record in his employment history) for pulling someone out of a helicopter crash. Subsequently another friend, who was in the military himself, was able to explain a lot of why what he was saying made absolutely no sense.
And this was a guy who had really served in the Army, and had really gone to Afghanistan. I know many "Walts" make up fake stories because they never served but I never understood why someone with a legitimate record of service needed to try to embellish so much.
Bananageddon · 11 points · Posted at 12:35:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's the thing that fascinates me the most about Chris Kyle, the guy American Sniper is about. Why does a man who has killed around 150 or so people while fighting for his country still need to make up bullshit stories about sniping looters from the roof of the superdome in Katrina? Or shooting dead two carjackers at a gas station in Texas? Or beating up Jesse Ventura?
Why would someone who'd clearly done so much in terms of "being a badass" or whatever still feel the need to make shit up to look even more badass?
quaid4 · 1 points · Posted at 13:58:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What are the sources for his "kill count" because american soldiers don't have 'confirmed kills'?
Bananageddon · 3 points · Posted at 17:28:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Fair question, cos it seems the estimates for his count are varied, to say the least.
But unless you believe in some mad conspiracy where he never actually killed anyone at all, and the government just went along with it for some reason, then I don't think the exact number matters, but it's probably fair to assume it's quite high (whatever that means, it's not like there's a number that it should be). So whatever the actual number is, it's still odd that a soldier who does "badass" stuff abroad wants to lie about doing "badass" shit back home?
sorry for overuse of "badass", couldn't think of a better synonym.
sonsue · 1 points · Posted at 12:41:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
x
Lillie_Rayne · 10 points · Posted at 11:10:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not personally to me, but I know someone who is pretty ridiculous. He does hard drugs, drinks a lot, and refuses to do anything. Basically family keeps him afloat, as far as money goes.
Here are some of the lies I've heard: He's worked for NASA, knows about 'x,y,z' because he had secret clearance in the Army (he was dishonorably discharged iirc), he was a pro skater at one point, he's an amazing hacker and has hacked all these sites, etc.
The list goes on and on. He's also woken his cousin up with a loaded gun in his face and laughed about it, held a knife to my mother-in-law's throat, and we're pretty sure that he's likely killed someone before. There's a massive amount of things that are terrible about this guy, but somehow, he thinks the world owes him everything.
The most recent one I can think of is that his boss at his new part-time job at a fast food place gave him 2 weeks off work, when he asked for it, after only working there a month. Not only is that ridiculous, but he also said that he worked the night before...but he said he's been off for two weeks.
dkimball50 · 1 points · Posted at 21:21:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Is this in Oklahoma?
[deleted] · 27 points · Posted at 15:45:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know this lady who told me that in the 90's, she landed in Bosnia and had to take cover from sniper fire at the airport.
She later said that she "misspoke" when the comedian (Sinbad!) she was traveling with at the time said that this absolutely did not happen.
RA2lover · 6 points · Posted at 18:28:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Underrated.
baconsalt · 8 points · Posted at 17:37:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yes. I know that lady. She is an evil bitch. She lied about some email server too.
cakebatter · -15 points · Posted at 19:24:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sexist language. Just say evil if you think evil.
baconsalt · 3 points · Posted at 20:25:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah, you know, I am sorry you feel that way but I stand by what I said. I call few people a bitch. She uniquely represents that in my opinion which, like you, I am entitled to.
cakebatter · 1 points · Posted at 21:48:18 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
You can call 'em how you see 'em; and I'm calling em how I see 'em. Bitch is a sexist word rooted in a misogynistic history. It's fine if you don't feel that way, but I'm just gonna point it out as often as I can b/c I think it's pretty absurd that people who are intelligent enough to weigh in on politics resort to sexist language to do it. She has no lack of short-fallings and there are loads of valid criticisms and insults that can be used without putting down an entire gender or at least without furthering the negative connotation of certain traits of an entire gender.
baconsalt · 1 points · Posted at 22:57:24 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Good for you, seriously. Fight for what you believe in.
I personally find PC to be one of the most detestable things about the Internet. No one here, gets to dictate what anyone says. That's the beauty. And while I don't like even a small fraction of what people say on here, I would go to great lengths to protect their ability to say it.
cakebatter · 1 points · Posted at 00:25:46 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
I hear that. Just know I'm not going around saying you can't say that, or shouldn't be allowed to use that word. Not dictating in any way :)
Just pointing out it's a very low-hanging insult that adds no context but sexism to the argument.
XiggiSergei · 2 points · Posted at 20:32:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
While true, this is Reddit. Fighting passive sexism on Reddit is like trying to plug a dam with one ply toilet paper and all it'll do is net downvotes and angry people who want to call you an SJW. I got called that a few days ago for trying to explain that shoving a coat hangar up your heavily sleeping childhood friend's asshole is actually legally rape with a foreign object by definition, though not necessarily by context of the situation (they were like 8 and didn't understand sex in the least). I wasn't even disagreeing with anyone, just pointing out semantics like I am here. I'm still kind of baffled at that one. You just kinda got lucky this is buried, I'll bet.
Edit: ftr on my own opinion, I would have called her a bitch too, because she was being a bitchy shrew. "bitch" the word has sexist roots, but "bitch" the state of being is genderless.
Edit: clarification. Also one downvote already? Someone is insulted in some way! Yay! /S
cakebatter · 2 points · Posted at 21:57:03 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Just want to add on - what about her behavior made her a "bitchy shrew"? You give no specifics so I'm forced to call up stereotypes about that.
So for shrew we have: a bad-tempered or aggressively assertive woman.
This definition is saying that being "aggressively assertive" and being bad tempered are the same. Which is weird, b/c how else does one become president without being aggressively assertive? So using the word shrew makes me think that YOU think it's a bad thing for women to be assertive. Which is sexist. If you don't like something specific about her behavior, point out what it is.
will_work_for_ · 1 points · Posted at 21:21:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wasn't this written in response to someone already having been insulted?
XiggiSergei · 1 points · Posted at 21:34:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Good point o.o technically yes.
I was intending to sort of mitigate the situation by explaining that while "bitch" is arguably sexist it's warranted and trying to helpfully warn someone that some people take offense to that sort of thing, since the experience that I had recently felt so contextually unwarranted and I was completely off guard when it happened. I didn't intend to agree or disagree with anyone in particular, which makes the downvote seem petty and kind of worth noting the absurdity.
cakebatter · 1 points · Posted at 21:51:18 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yikes. You think that "bitch" is "arguably sexist language" but not in this instance b/c she's being "a bitchy shrew." Do you not see the sexist tones there?
I know calling out passive aggressive sexism on Reddit is a futile exercise, but I'm doing it anyway. I think people who are smart enough to have an opinion on politicians are probably smart enough to come up with criticisms that are more substantive than "bitchy shrew" which, btw, is just a super duper sexist thing to say that calls to mind certain stereotypically female traits that are just assumed to be negative without any context or content of true criticism against Clinton in particular.
XiggiSergei · 1 points · Posted at 22:00:12 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wait, we were talking about Clinton? I was purely talking semantics vs public behavior vs morals. Way to make a mountain out of a molehill and assume a bunch of things about who it is you are speaking to. Teach me to try to play devil's advocate on the fucking internet. Goodness. Thank you for telling me things I already know though; it's dialogue, even if it isn't very constructive in some senses.
Also you sound like my ex. Yikes indeed.
cakebatter · 1 points · Posted at 22:06:01 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
So, did you not read the comment I was responding to and jump in and say "she" (in that case, Hillary Clinton) was "being a bitchy shrew"? Did I get that wrong somehow? Because the thread of the conversation I was following was that someone called Hillary Clinton an evil bitch. I pointed out "evil bitch" is sexist language. Use better language if you're going to criticize someone.
You popped in and told me not to argue against the "arguably sexist language" b/c I'll get downvoted, and then said you would have called her a "bitch" because she was acting like a "bitchy shrew" as if that is somehow objective and therefore not sexist. I pointed out that was absurd.
But yeah, I guess I was "telling you things you already know" and "assuming" things.
XiggiSergei · 1 points · Posted at 22:23:11 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was scrolling to hit another comment I was at previously and thought I'd chime in because people had been absolutely ridiculous recently. So, no, not really. "she" was hypothetical, in that I've known people who, yes, I would call a bitchy person when "Herculean Salty Whiner to whom Everything Is Wrong at the Fault of Everyone Else and Has To Let You Know, Forever" is just a tad too long and I really dont want to use a four page text to describe how "she" is being a raging pain in my ass in such a specific manner and instead opt for the colloquial "bitch" in a situation where the people I am talking to are able to dissociate from certain aspects of reality and instead appreciate the goddamn pejorative in absentia of any social contexts whatsoever. This person is clearly not you and I am probably everything wrong with society today;there is literally no argument you could surprise me with. Save your energy and don't bother arguing with people who never intended to argue with you in the first damn place.
cakebatter · 0 points · Posted at 22:37:52 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Okay, so: you jumped into a conversation, didn't bother to read the context, said something really asinine in the context of the conversion you dove into, I responded to point that out, you tell me I'm assuming shit you never said, I point out that you actually kinda did by accident if you didn't read the previous comments, and I'm a bitch? Gotcha.
XiggiSergei · 1 points · Posted at 23:12:33 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Woah what the fuck? When did I call you a bitch? Show me where, because I didn't speak about you directly in any sort of foul sense.
What. The. Fuck.
Is LITERALLY ALL I SAID ABOUT YOU. IN THE SENSE THAT YOU ARE NOT SOMEONE I CAN BE COLLOQUIAL WITH. Do I have to bold the fact that "bitch" is nowhere in there?
Calm down honey. Damn.
Edit: didn't come here to argue with your ass, and now you're just being rude and putting words in my mouth. I shouldn't be dignifying you with responses. Hindsight...
cakebatter · 1 points · Posted at 01:05:55 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
My apologies, I misread what you wrote in the "this person isn't you" part and thought you were calling me a bitch, so my bad that part was wrong. But you sorta did stumble into a conversation and pick a fight.
XiggiSergei · 2 points · Posted at 01:21:00 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
My whole point was that it was never intended to be a fight. I was warning you that people here take offense to being called on shit and get really fucking nasty (and kinda fucked me for a few hours because MRAs give me the anger), and then I unfortunately expressed my own personal guilt that even though it's fucking sexist, I still don't have a satisfying replacement and as thus only try to use it in situations where I KNOW "bitch" wont be interpreted as "you are behaving as an angry woman" and rather "you're being a real fucking pain in my ass in this specific way that I'm not attaching gender to because gendering behavior is fucking stupid now that we know better" that we know via this one word because colloquialism. I didn't say you were wrong, or even that I was right to use the pejorative in any sense (because it is en masse regarded as sexist and my usage of terms doesn't come with a handy "why I use this word in this way")
xXx_WeedBlzr_420_xXx · 0 points · Posted at 05:59:23 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wait what? How is "Evil bitch." sexist in any way?
It just a non descript insult, like cunt or cum guzzler.
Migmatite · 2 points · Posted at 06:52:52 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Omg! I think you and I know the same person! Did she say that she was once homeless after her husband left his job even though they had dropped 800,000 on a house?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:00:11 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
She also said once that she'd "look into" release her speech transcripts! She's a real character, that one :)
ShallowendPirate · -1 points · Posted at 23:28:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
GTFO you and /u/walleyearentpickerel can go bitch at each other.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 12:25:02 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Lol who the fuck is that
ProbablySuperUgly · 4 points · Posted at 11:15:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
They ate a Hyena
LondonHyena · 2 points · Posted at 15:39:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's bullshit, we're way too stringy.
Taran_it_up · 5 points · Posted at 11:55:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Lost virginity at 12 to a 17 year old cheerleader
tonycomputerguy · 3 points · Posted at 12:20:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I worked with this guy 15 years ago who claimed to be the guy hanging from the last chopper to leave the Vietnamese U.S. Embassy.
He also claimed to have used a Chinook to lift an M1A1 Abrams Tank off of the moving train that was transporting it.
I think he also claimed to get a blowjob from the girl who taught Linda Lovelace everything she knew.
Guy was such a nutjob. He had a Colt Python (Rick Grimes gun from TWD) he kept in his trunk. He said he was going to get it and come back when they laid him off (along with many others) and the cops had to be called.
ninjajesus101 · 3 points · Posted at 12:50:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This kid,who we shall call Steve, was and still is a great friend of mine. He was constantly trying to impress me. Keep in mind he got his shit together,but he...
Claimed he survived a shot from a rocket launcher by "digging really fast."
Made an alternate account on roblox named "cutemaia27" and claimed it was his girlfriend.
Claimed he got an A in school for his science project by showing the principal Minecraft...and said he would've gotten an A+ if he put it in peaceful mode...
He arrived at the door carrying a medieval sword, and claimed he found it on the street. Later his grandfather called and asked about a missing sword...I must also add he wanted to hide it under my bed.
Claimed he went to a school for "tough" kids but I googled the school....it was a place for slow kids.
Said he had the presidents personal phone number from a prank call...
And last but certainly not least, he claimed he knew SkyDoesMinecraft.
Steve was a little insane.
Knitwithpearl · 2 points · Posted at 13:03:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My ex-husband.
-worked for the CIA
-had an ex-wife and an estranged daughter (ex-wife was only an ex-gf, the child was never actually born, just miscarried)
-was overseas on deployment when he was actually in prison
-had to go back to the cia every night, when he was actually checking back in from the work release job he was skipping
-his entire family was from east Germany (Bremerhaven, a western German city..)
-he had official training in weapons, and had a permit to have a gun even though he is a convicted felon
-that he didn't sleep with the girls he had affairs with.
ETA: oh yeah and that he'd slept with WAY MORE women than he actually had (like 102 more women than he actually had)
SweetBajesus · 3 points · Posted at 13:07:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
She once told everyone in our grade that she was in a secret underground Chinese softball league and that her team had won but had to keep it quiet to avoid being assassinated by the Chinese government.
downhereforyoursoul · 5 points · Posted at 14:07:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I dated this guy who told me he killed six people in different parts of the country. He was drunk and crying about it - not from remorse, but because he was afraid he fucked himself up by committing serious crimes that young. I'd have been freaked out if I believed even a word of it. The life story he gave me was pretty much the exact plot of Dexter. I felt really sorry for him; somebody fucked that kid up, but good.
Edit: I just remembered some more. He read every book in the library when he was in 3rd grade, so he didn't need to read, as he had already "read everything." He knew how to beat a lie detector test because the trick was to order other people to perform hits (other than the ones he personally performed). He was a drug kingpin who "ran" the city we lived in, yet he couldn't tell the difference between a Xanax bar and Norco.
He once saved a baby falling from a building. His dad used to be a cop and shot a toddler coming at him with a knife. His dad taught him how to get away with any crime (his dad worked at Walmart). He used to be a pimp in Chicago. Prostitutes just started asking him to hold their money; he never sought it out. He said he tried to commit suicide after the love of his life cheated on him, but his brother saved him by cutting himself and feeding him his own blood. If true that's disgusting and betrays a woeful ignorance of biology. He did have cutting scars, but not so deep as to be deadly and in the wrong spot to bleed out. His "crew" was going to kill his ex-girlfriend but he called them off at the last minute.
Actually, the only thing he ever told me that I could confirm as truth was that he was into fire-spinning because there is YouTube evidence and a news article with his name in it. He fancied himself quite the player, but he was so bad at it, it was actually kind of cute. I'm sure there's more but I haven't seen this guy in four years. It was the tearful murder confession that immediately sprang to mind. Also, he was one of those "I forgot my wallet, can you get that? I'll pay you back" jerks.
pauladeensspleen · 3 points · Posted at 14:33:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend who always wanted to impress me. It annoyed me but he didn't have many other friends so I let him tell me his stories of how he rescued a kid from a burning building, could bench press 300 pounds (we were six), and had a super sense of smell and could tell what I had for dinner (he got it right once!) etc. But one day his mom leaves to go shopping and his dad left for work. We were nine at the time so it didn't seem like that big of a deal to be left home alone but he started to get all jumpy and weird afraid that someone was breaking in. I knew he was just lying but he insisted that we go to his "panic room" where he can protect us. I follow him downstairs assuming that he's gonna forget all about this when we get down there and we'll play Legos or something but when we get down there I shit you not he removes a big movie poster from his wall and boom! Secret room!! We crawl into it and he tells me he's going to go get his gun to fight the robber. I was stupid and assumed since he really did have a panic room he must really have a gun! So I see him pull down a locked case hidden in the ceiling and unlock it to find a gun. A nine year old with a gun. He then runs upstairs I hear shots and then five minutes later he comes down and says he killed the robber and took care of the body. I was so scarred I sprinted a mile home and told my parents who then called his parents. I found out that he did not have a real gun it was a Bebe gun and stupid me didn't know what a real gunshot sounded like so while he fired a few bebes out his back door and made himself a sandwich I was cowering in a secret room he had.
Also one time he tried to convince me that he was an alien sent to protect the whole human so that was fun.
almondania · 5 points · Posted at 14:50:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had one of these at the restaurant that used to work out, Amy we will call her for this. A few claims included:
mom abandoned her when she was like 5 and she was an orphan down in Texas somewhere
mom physically abused her when she was a teenager (contradicting previous claim)
fell off of an ATV and hit her head resulting in permanent brain damage when she was like 12 or 13
used to fly helicopters in the military (with brain damage???)
was a bartender from age 18-20 in Texas somewhere
claimed she had skin cancer and would use that as an excuse to not come to work sometimes
her dad was a CEO of a very large bank (but she had to work at a family chain restaurant in Indiana???)
I'm really trying to remember more, but I haven't seen her in over a year or so. She had crazy in her eyes, although I did feel bad for her sometimes because I imagine something is going on in her life that made her say all of this stuff.
ouijahead · 1 points · Posted at 08:24:11 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Maybe there was an inkling of truth in the brain damage story.
ragingprostate · 4 points · Posted at 16:15:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy from high school said he bought a Dolphin (the project name of the GameCube before it was officially called GameCube) off eBay during the Summer. He said it came with a game where you jumped and fought on top of tables or something like that. He said it sucked so he sent it back to the guy. He also said that he flew across the country in a single engine plane to watch the Super Bowl live, flew back, landed, and was in his bed by midnight, which is why he was able to be at school (he told this lie the Monday after the game). I hated this guy, because every time you called him out on his bullshit, he would give a blank stare like you were stupid for not believing him. This guy is an engineer at a nuclear power plant now is the frightening thing.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 16:19:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Reminds me of a guy who always claimed to have broke into a zoo while drunk and stole a penguin. He said he woke up the next day to find the penguin in his bedroom.
bearybrown · 1 points · Posted at 08:11:49 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
i'm more interested in the guy who got drunk overnight and couldn't figure how a pineapple manage to find a way to his room.
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 17:40:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You mean a pathological liar? My cousin is one on top of being a one-upper. She has been since childhood. The story that annoys me most is the time at Christmas I was talking to an aunt about my migraines. She asks me how long I've had them and I say "since I was about 5 or 6". My cousin swoops in out of nowhere and goes "I've had migraines since I was 2 weeks old!" 1.) she does not have migraines and 2. you have no memory of being 2 weeks old even if you did.
Another ridiculous one is the claim she once made that she "only sleeps 2 hrs each week". Anyone with the most cursory knowledge of neurology and the effects of sleep deprivation would realize how stupid this sounds but the funny thing about pathological liars is that they will defend a lie to the death- even in the face of damning scientific evidence to the contrary.
EnFlagranteDelicto · 4 points · Posted at 17:46:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Told me a story that actually had happened to me. Was a fairly unique and well known story. I was the guy in the story he was telling me. But he replaced me with him....
MZM204 · 5 points · Posted at 17:58:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I briefly had a boss (Security) who joined up making $15/hr with "extensive experience".
claimed to be a Gulf War vet, had his spine broken when his MBT drove over a tank mine. Made a miraculous recovery.
when asked about which branch of the military he'd been in, he told me "all of them; I like to move around"
used a poppy pin on Remembrance Day (Veteran's Day equivalent) to pin up a memo about cleaning up the office of food waste. Was confused when I told him that it was disrespectful to his supposed fellow veterans.
claimed to own a huge scuba diving school in Brazil on the coast, a dozen staff members, had a beautiful beach house, but was here making $15/hr in Winnipeg, Canada (horrible frozen wasteland half of the year)
claimed to be a certified CPR instructor, didn't know what AED stood for and "lost" his certificate
said he was a computer programmer and knew a dozen programming languages and worked for Microsoft in the past; got upset when I wouldn't do the schedule for him on Excel (very easy, no formulas required). He drew it on paper until someone else showed him how to do it...
showed me his Rolex that he'd paid five grand for... It didn't sweep, it ticked, got upset when I told him he had a $75 knockoff, and never wore it to work again.
the employer let him go after eight months. Spent the last week there running around crying that he desperately needed the job, then on the last day said he'd quit and was going to Brazil the next day.
a couple months later I saw him driving around town in his rusty old Cavalier.
quittingthegreen2 · 4 points · Posted at 18:40:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Dated a girl a few years ago. She claimed to have an, "abusive ex boyfriend" so I obviously hated the guy. Things weren't working out and every time we got in a heated argument / I tried breaking up with her, her ex boyfriend would start texting me claiming he "wanted her back" and he was going to "kick my ass." This led to me defending to her and even driving to her house the SAME night I broke up with her. I remember being with my buddy at the bar, talking about the break up, when she texts me that he was outside her window and the ex was texting me how he's going to "fuck her brains out" and so forth. Turns out she made a fake number through google and started texting to me pretending to be him. I talked to her parents, turns out her ex was never even abusive, apparently he was a super chill guy lmao and she was the one who went crazy after he broke up with her. The crazy ones are full of problems but man are they fun LOL
Edit* Another fun story regarding the ex, we were supposed to see a concert together but my nephew was due the same night, so obviously I told her I was going to stay home and be with my family. Guess what she tells me? Turns out her "abusive ex" is going to the concert as well, and they might run into each other. Fast forward to 2am, I just get home, she's been spam calling me for the past hour being frantic saying that she ran into him at the gas station and he and his friends pounded on her car, calling her a slut yadda yadda yadda. I ignore. Guess who rings my doorbell at 2:15am? lmaoooooo
ihateflyingthings · 2 points · Posted at 20:30:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Please sir, can I have some more? I've only experienced crazy exes doing crazy stuff, not spinning webs of lies. I'm curious what other lies she told. Not sure which I'd prefer, crazy sex and damaged property, or crazy sex and webs of lies. At this point in life I choose neither. Guess I had a vasectomy for no reason.
quittingthegreen2 · 2 points · Posted at 19:39:27 on June 26, 2016 · (Permalink)*
hahahaha alright, here's another story for ya. This one happened after the 2nd time I broke up with her. We didn't talk for a few days and then she sends me a text. It said something like, "Hey, hope you're doing well, you told me to tell you if my ex ever did anything to me, so I thought I'd just share that he tried breaking into my house today and he was arrested." I'm thinking LOL what? I ask her for all of the details. Where was she when this happened? Where was her family? When did she call 911? What was the name of the deputy that came to your house? She answers all my questions. I go online to the Sheriff Deputy website and look at all of the calls in her city. No deputies were dispatched to her neighborhood. She never even called 911. I called her out on it. In fact, my family friend lived in her same exact neighborhood, and told me that no cop visited their street that day and that it was just another quiet evening. Not only that, but my mom is an ex-cop, and she told me it takes hours to make arrests like this, they don't just arrest someone and leave within 15 minutes. So I called her out on all of those points, and she just denied denied denied. Made up more lies. "WHY WOULD I LIE TO YOU???" And started accusing of me not trusting her and making me out to be the stupid one / bad guy. She told me she didn't remember the deputies name, her step dad and mom talked to him. She told me all the neighbors were outside. Then she told me her friend called 911 and not her, so that must be why it didn't show up on the online 911 log record. At this point I knew she was lying and I began laughing about it, laughing at her and laughing at my own stupidity, but part of me still felt bad for her and wondered if just MAYBE she was telling the truth. I talked to her parents a week or 2 later (the same conversation as my first comment, when they told me the ex wasn't abusive) and the parents told me no cops had ever come to their house LOL. They never talked to a cop LOL. Her ex was never at the house and was never arrested. Just a web of lies man. At this point in life I choose neither, but if I had to choose I guess I would change it up and choose crazy sex and damaged property lmao. I'm always getting crazy sex and web of lies, I'm getting burnt out on all of the lying and trust issues
[deleted] · 4 points · Posted at 19:22:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'M SAVING HIS BEST TALE FOR LAST A guy I used to work with, whose nickname was Muscles, laughed like Krusty the Clown. Now a frail older gentleman, apparently he is legend in other parts of the world. -received his black belt from Chuck Norris who flew a helicopter to the highest point in Pike County, KY to give it to him. -was once a sniper aboard a submarine in the South Pacific -also served as a sonar tech. His ability to distinguish pings helped the US avoid nuclear warfare with Russia. Apparently what everyone else though was an Akula class submarine, he determined was a whale. -you've heard of people getting the Red Carpet treatment? Apparently at any Ford dealership in the US, they have an actual red carpet they roll out for VIP's. He was one, with a guaranteed $100,000 line of credit. -he's Pete rose's nephew -world champion First Aid administer, 2 consecutive years -was called in by Geroge W. to swim into an underground coal mine in Pennsylvania to save trapped miners. -can catch flies between his pointer and thumb, the only problem is he can't control his strength and crushes them to powder. -Alright, here's my favorite story in his words. "One night after seeing a girl I was fooling around with, I headed out on the snow covered highway home. I was the only car on the highway, there were no tracks anywhere. The heat lulled me to sleep and when I snapped to, all I could see was the headlights of a semi, headed right at me. I grabbed the wheel and prepared to die. I felt the truck WOOSH by me. I stopped in the highway, completely intact! I looked up and saw the rear end of the trailer seemingly coming back together. I got out and looked at the tracks. One set of truck tires when around the drivers side of my car, the other set around the passengers. I SPLIT THE TRUCK WITH MY MIND
TheMightyApostrophe · 2 points · Posted at 12:05:16 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wow. This is quite a collection...
jrm2003 · 5 points · Posted at 19:40:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My buddy used to work with a guy that was full of them (keep in mind, he was a clerk at radio shack)
-He was recruited by the CIA in high school and will join as an agent once he finishes college (went to community college part time)
-Trained to be a Tennis Pro with Pete Sampras (he was extremely overweight)
Was a human calculator (overheard him tell a lady that 1/4 of 1000 was 100)
Was an accomplished hacker who regularly got into top secret government servers (carried a 10 year old thinkpad in his briefcase)
Had a helicopter pilots license (his mom drove him to work)
There's so many more, I'll have to ask my buddy if he remembers any.
Zubrowka182 · 4 points · Posted at 19:47:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A friend of mine who had done some modeling and acting could be at times a laid back and fun guy, and at other times not so much.
My brother was good friends with him as well, so this was maybe 15 years ago or so... my brother and I get a call from him and put it on speaker phone. So we're both talking to him and he's going on and on about this girl he's dating and how because of "circumstances" its really hard to be in a relationship with her and they get pestered wherever they go and yada yada yada.
We can tell he wants us to ask who the girls is so we don't, finally he gets sick of waiting and tells us he's dating Brittney Spears (this was like height of her fame). Neither of us really give a shit and pretty much just told him to keep his head up. But it always stood out to me as the most ridiculous lie I had ever heard.
Years later, he was the "Bachelor" on that TV show. I didn't watch it but had girlfriends that did and from what they described not much had changed.
OdBx · 4 points · Posted at 20:23:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Lots more if anyone's still reading this thread!
TheMightyApostrophe · 1 points · Posted at 13:10:41 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Still reading...
jishguy · 3 points · Posted at 20:30:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I used to work on a loading dock with a guy who told all kinds of ridiculous stories. Some of the better ones:
He attempted to join the army, but was rejected after his psychological evaluation on the basis that he was "too mean" for the US Military.
He broke several high school pitching records. He was such a good pitcher in high school that his school had a statue of him erected in his memory. (His former high school was only about two miles from where we worked. Why did he ever think he could get away with his story?)
He was a former millionaire from starting an extremely successful pizza chain in Florida. He unfortunately gave all of that up when he moved back to his home town to be closer to his family. He now unloads trucks at a grocery store.
He claimed he was a successful musician and played in a local band. He would often bring in "demo" CD's and give them to his co-workers. The actual artists on the CD's ranged from Bruce Springsteen to Gary Allen.
He supposedly snapped a pool cue in half and stabbed a man in his eyes with the jagged edges of the cue. The bartender then offered him free drinks for life as the man he stabbed was a regular at the bar and often started fights.
Just a few of the "golden" stories. We would just pretend to believe them in hopes that he would keep feeding us more lies. I always got quite a kick out of them.
Rileyty · 9 points · Posted at 11:14:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A friend of mine told me one morning that his bladder had burst. He had to be rushed to the hospital the day before. I hadn't really known him to be a compulsive liar at this point so I just kinda went with it. But instead of stopping there, he continued the story. He apparently was put on morphine, and was hallucinating that morning. He told me that he looked out his window and saw a headless Abraham Lincoln outside his window. Now I started to question everything and eventually forgot. The next day I went to the fair. I ate some of the garbage fried food and walked around. I saw his sister there and asked her how her brother was doing. She gave me a blank stare and told me nothing was wrong. Then everything he said made sense. I realized that a lot of the stuff he told me in the past wasn't true. Needless to say, we weren't friends anymore.
skinsfan55 · 10 points · Posted at 14:07:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
If he was headless how would you recognize Abraham Lincoln?!
Rileyty · 2 points · Posted at 14:43:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
No idea.
Blendedcookie · 1 points · Posted at 14:51:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Unless his head was detached making him headless but he walking around holding his head?
Rileyty · 2 points · Posted at 14:54:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Doesn't matter lol, he made up the whole thing
Blendedcookie · 1 points · Posted at 15:38:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Fair enough, my brain just tried to make sense of it
Flegumeister · 8 points · Posted at 12:07:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I'm sure this will get buried but here goes nothing,
A girl named Julia.
I met her in school, 2013, she was a shy girl, didn't really talk that much. But you could see that she was an interesting person, and she was beautiful as well, something about her just made me want to get to know her. As school went on I got to know her a little better and she seemed very mysterious to me, couldn't quite figure her out. Towards the end of 2013, we decide to have a party with our class, rented a place (pool,sauna,2 stories of pure fun and alcohol). Party goes on and after having a few drinks we get to talking, just random stuff. I could tell that she was interested in me, and I was in her as well, however we were both dating at the time and I even lived with my girlfriend. After the party we talked on a daily basis, this went on for a while. My girlfriend at the time heard some really bizarre rumours about her and of course I didn't believe her, and told her that "naaah that's just not Julia at all". Spring 2014, my girlfriend and I had broken up because of different life interests (she wanted a family, I'm a career kinda guy). Our class gets together for another party, this time in a bar. I had talked with Julia for a while now, after putting it on halt for the break up, and we agreed to have a little chat at the bar. Night went on and after a bit of back and forth teasing we started making out, downstairs near the dance floor. I crushed on her massively, and so did she for me, this continued for about 2 months. I was always looking forward to seeing her, but she had an excuse every single time, so we decided to end it. It was fine with me and I honestly thought it was for the best, because I still had that gut feeling about her. Few months later, my friend from my class calls me and asks me if I had heard what Julia had done to her Ex-boyfriend. Apparently she had stole all of his personal information (ss number,credit card info etc.) and used those to order expensive things in his name, I couldn't even begin to understand it. Now, almost 2 years later, I've found out she was a pathological liar and had scammed all of her many previous boyfriends, there's so much more she's done though. I still can't grasp it..such a nice girl. Last I heard from her was from a good friend of mine, she had checked herself into a program and was struggling with it, still stealing from her closest friends and parents.
Edit; A few words
hel112570 · 1 points · Posted at 12:27:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sounds like drugs....was it drugs?
Flegumeister · 1 points · Posted at 13:15:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
No drugs are involved afaik, mental health issues would be the best bet.
goddoll · 8 points · Posted at 10:39:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
They wrote and published famous literature that was older than they are. Another friend sat through a reading, then he looked it up.
count_spedula1 · 3 points · Posted at 12:11:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he was getting head from a girl, while doing CPR on another one, while driving a rescue boat, as he was launched over a wave and jumping over a helicopter.
monkeyfuzzle · 3 points · Posted at 12:24:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He had a black belt in MMA.
I repeat a black belt in MMA.
He had a black belt in all the martial arts, not just one all of them.
SillyPuttyPutterson · 3 points · Posted at 12:28:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I will keep this short and sweet, my ex-roommate was a horrible compulsive liar, but my favorite by far that blew my mind......
The time he hung out with the Eskimo's in Antartica.......
Lochifess · 3 points · Posted at 12:59:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
We were supposed to play ARK after he got home from work, but when he got home he told me he's gonna sleep because he's tired. I'm like, okay dude get some rest. Then out of nowhere he said "Btw dude someone will use my League of Legends account tonight so don't pm me." Right then I knew he just wanted to play rank because I was Plat and he was Gold (he really wants to try to prove that he can get to our rank even though he's boosted by a high Plat player who was Diamond last season), so I checked and I was right. Tried to tell him "dude its okay if you want to play ranked instead" but he made soooo much obvious lies I didn't even bother replying to them.
Yes we're still playing ARK but he keeps playing ranked every now and again (I stopped because I needed a break from League).
Not only was it ridiculous, it was very unnecessary. I also knew that he's a compulsive liar because he lied a few times before that were not only as ridiculous but also too obvious.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 13:07:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
His name is "Ken". Ken is in the army. He told us that for training he had to stay up 12 days for deprivation training. The world record for staying awake is 11 days Ken. Ken is a fucking liar.
Lksdjgoeif · 3 points · Posted at 13:09:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A few years ago my buddy was dating this girl. When I first met her we were getting to know each other. I said I was planning on hiking the entire Appalachian Trail. She immediately says "oh! I did that!" I asked her when. She said she was a bad kid in middle school so her parents sent her to this camp for troubled kids. I asked how long the camp was for. She's said one month. I didn't want to embarrass my friend or her so I left it at that. The Appalachian Trail is over 2000 miles long and takes people AT LEAST five months to complete. After that it just seemed like she was constantly lying about her endeavors and I never trusted her.
SeBAGeNetiC · 3 points · Posted at 13:44:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When I was 19 the security guy where I worked was 2 years older than me, so 21.
It was a small office, with 7 people working and him, standing there for 8 hours so we all talked a lot.
Everytime we mentioned some kind of profession like 'hey my dad is a x' he would ALWAYS mention how he worked as that for 1 o 2 years.
I shit you not he told us how he worked for a year or two in 15 different places and he was a butcher for 8 years. So at 21 he had almost 30 years of combined work experience.
agentkolter · 2 points · Posted at 20:05:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Reminds me of a college professor I once had. She would always say that she had spent 5 years in this country, 10 years in that country. If you added it all up, she must have been 120 years old, but she looked about 45.
TerryTibbsTalkToMe · 3 points · Posted at 13:53:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I don't consider myself a compulsive liar, but one day around 5 years ago now a friend and I once came up with the idea that its completely possible and plausible to tell a small white lie and have it go unquestioned by anyone you tell it to. Ten minutes later, my "allergy to nuts" is born. To this day only my parents, said friend and now my SO know I have zero allergy to nuts. Its a terribly bad lie and completely pointless, but it works. No one ever questions it. I once mentioned it in conversation to someone who offered me a snickers bar, took the bar saying I would give it to someone else, then ten minutes later ate the same snickers bar right in front of their eyes without them noticing. I don't even know why I still tell people it but I get a slight internal sense of satisfaction every time I do and get away with it.
Tl;dr; I tell people I have a nut allergy, I don't, but in 5 years its never been questioned.
Ninja edit; If it wasn't already obvious too my friend and I were high as shit during that initial conversation all those years ago.
Rbryson30 · 3 points · Posted at 14:26:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A friend of mine is a compulsive liar, and horrible at it because we would always catch him in ridiculous lies. When we were in high school one weekend a few friends decided to go see a movie, we walk up to get tickets and that's when he decided to tell me he has no money and needs me to pay for him. I ask why he came if he didn't have money but had no good reasoning. So I obliged and paid for his movie ticket. After the movie I'm driving us all home, he asked me to stop into Taco Bell so he could get something to eat. I say I'm not buying you food also but he tells me he just has a few dollars as he orders about 10 dollars worth of food. We get up to the window and he hands me a 20... I ask him if he had a 20 then why did I pay for your movie? So he told me his dad gave him a 20 but told him he could only spend it on food... still good friends with the little shit, and still pulls that crap even at 25 years of age.
tokedalot · 3 points · Posted at 16:09:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My father told me when I was young and impressionable that he was visited by aliens that "seeded" the planet for life. They live about 500 years and live underground on their planet. Sons follow their father's profession and continue his life's work after he dies, similarly with daughters and mothers. He said he was given a scrap piece of this alien's space craft. When an electric charge was applied to it it levitated and had anti-gravity properties. He had it analyzed and the scientist said it had unknown elements and the metals he could discern in the alloy couldn't fuse into an alloy with our current technology. Something about the melting point of one metal was the flash vaporization point of another.
He also told me that once every 5000 years the earth reversed it's spin. As in the sun would soon set in the east and rise in the west. Additionally each time this happened we as a species climbed the ladder to enlightenment. The upcoming reversal would cause us to be able to manifest thought into reality. So wishing for someone to die would kill them.
He told me a lot of shit like this when I was young but these two examples are all I still remember.
Humak · 3 points · Posted at 16:26:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm in the military. I'm a bureaucrat. I do human resources. I have access to your record. I can definitely tell if you're lying to me. Period.
Fucking Chansey (as we nicknamed him) was the worst of worst pathological liars. Closeted, conniving, and stupid. I don't care what you do with your junk just don't blatantly lie to me. Definitely don't steal from me. And if you're going to do either then be fucking smart about it. Whole ass or no folks, don't half ass b
Notable lies:
How while he was stationed onboard the CGC Fir they would do anti piracy patrols around the coast of Somalia. One night while he was the crewman of the watch he's making a round of the exterior of the ship. He pauses by the stern to gaze forlornly (his words) at the ocean when his flashlight beam catches the glint of someone's eyes. Turns out it was a pirate trying to board! So with the most effeminate "ugh" he could muster, he whacks him with his flash light. The pirate falls into the water and Chansey saves the ship!
During the same patrol, his room mate allegedly downloaded kiddie porn onto chansey'a laptop. His command found out about the porn through a series of improbable and highly unlikely circumstances involving an undercover CGIS agent and an earnest attempt to bring his roommate to Jesus. Don't ask, I don't recall specifics. Well, as punishment his CO locked him in a locker and only fed him bread and water. Please note, this is so far against what the military would do it isn't even funny.
He used to lie to me about things I told him. Usually same day.
chiss_sux · 3 points · Posted at 17:51:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy that goes to school with me (which is a music college), has too many lies to keep up with. These are just a few.
Says to have written hundreds of famous songs. Some include; radioactive and swimming pools and even an entire Mumford and sons album. He also says he is friends with many famous artists that he met in other countries, despite not having a passport.
Told me the music professors got on their knees and begged him to join the college.
Claimed to have bronchitis for over a year, saying it had an effect on his playing just so he could miss rehearsals, all while still smoking pot and cigarettes daily.
AAAINSLEY_HARIOT · 3 points · Posted at 17:54:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This guy that was in my group of mates at school told us a few:
1) During summer break his vertebrate fell out of his back and he simply put it back in
2) His girlfriend at the time licked his fingers and said each one tasted like a different chocolate bar
3) His knee cap popped off and he placed it back
The funniest thing is that we made him think we believed him just to hear more absurd and obviously fake stories from him.
conrad612 · 3 points · Posted at 17:55:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy once told me he was married to Brittany Murphy (before she died), which meant that Eddie Murphy was his brother in law.
To this day I can't decide if he was deliberately fucking with me or legitimately unhinged.
MoistBreadLumps · 3 points · Posted at 18:13:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Told me he hacked Nasa, then proceeded to open google earth.
kawavulcan97 · 3 points · Posted at 18:42:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was in this little shithole bar in West Virginia playing pool. This white wanna be gangster slaps his quarters down so we play. During play he tells me he's best friends with 50 Cent and was backstage at his concert last night. He pulls his phone out and shows me a few pictures, some from the nosebleeds of a concert, couldn't tell if it was 50 Cent or Iron Maiden on stage he was so far away. Then some pictures taken of a computer monitor with 50 Cent on it....I'm not sure who he thought would by that. Then he says his watch was a gift from 50 Cent. He shows me his watch, it looks like it came out of one of those quarter machines at the grocery store.
ihateflyingthings · 1 points · Posted at 20:18:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Who won the pool game?
kawavulcan97 · 1 points · Posted at 08:51:08 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I scratched on the 8 ball if I remember correctly.
MangaMaven · 3 points · Posted at 19:20:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
-He was a MMA wrestler. He was never on TV, but was mentioned when he broke a German man's perfect winning streak. Ha also had a preacher pull him on stage during a sermon so people in the congregation would shout out things they assumed about his based on his appearance so the preacher wow them by telling them he was an MMA wrestler and teach them about not judging a book by its cover.
-Holds the world record in the 100 meter dash, but it's undocumented because of reasons.
-He has Multiple Personality Disorder (Never once did he call it Dissociative Identity Disorder) AND Schizophrenia.
He couldn't remember anything from Psych class because all his personalities loved that class so much so they would all try to come out during it.
The Psych prof let him teach the section on Multiple Personality Disorder since he had first-hand experience.
He's able to do his homework extremely well because he switched personalities at different stages in the process and each personality could use their strengths.
We all knew he had a crush on a girl, but he said that he didn't like her, but one of is personalities did.
He would order too much food at restaurants and say that one of his alters took over because the waiter/waitress made him nervous and it was the alter that ordered too much. (In reality he probably has some kind of eating disorder, but the details on that are unrelated.)
-He and his sister were both possessed by the same demon and it would jump between the two of them. They had a cute little nickname for it too. He got better when he came to college... For a while, then it got worse right after he mentioned it for the first time. He said he was a Christian and when we questioned his faith, because according to the Christian faith Christians can't be possessed, the demon was soon after exorcised by a mutual acquaintance.
-He hacked into Bank of America because he forgot his account password and it was easier to hack in than to get a new password. He got caught but only got out with a slap on the wrist.
-Certified Bartender when he was around 14.
-He made illegal Moonshine with his uncle.
-He was a professional pick pocket.
-Got the police chief drunk with his illegal moonshine and stole the chief's gun off of him. He sold it back to him a few days later. The chief didn't arrest him because he'd have to admit that he got outsmarted by a kid.
-He has over 100 first cousins
-He and his (not twin) sister looked EXACTLY alike until he was like a sophomore in high school and people would constantly confuse them.
-One of the professors told him to date his daughter. -- A different professor is constantly finding girls who are perfect for him and tells him to pursue them.
-Is an actor and singer. The head of the theater department wrote parts into plays specifically for him. (The part he had in the play this was supposed to have happened in didn't have any lines... He's also an AWFUL singer.)
-Inherited like 500,000 acres of land from his some relative.
-He has a girlfriend who was an "old flame from high school" (He was home schooled) but no one has ever seen a picture of her. He also went from actively seeking a girlfriend to meeting up with this girl online and dating her in around 10 hours I want to say.
-He told a girl that her roommate said that it would be alright if we set her up with a waiter at Applebee's and never considered that she would talk to her ROOMMATE about that.
Also, he's 19.
There's more, but this is the stuff that I can remember off the top of my head.
Edit: Words and punctuation.
magnum3672 · 3 points · Posted at 19:25:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a guy growing up that would lie constantly. For example
-He beat up about 20 guys in a park after he blacked out with only a sock, he knew this because he woke up when the ambulance arrived and they told him what happened.
-He knew multiplication in second grade (while failing algebra, not really far fetched but you had to know the guy)
And a thousand others that are pretty typical. The icing on the cake is that my group of friends knew he was a compulsive liar and when an open invitation was put on facebook to play Texas Hold-Em Poker he said he would come but not to expect much because he wasn't very good. It completely threw us and unfortunately we never were able to see how good he was since the game never panned out.
skaffers · 3 points · Posted at 19:32:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy a know once told me:
That he was going to be a voice actor for Cartoons and what not, then proceeded a week later to say that he has Seth MacFarlane's personal Cell phone number and personal Email, when called out to call Seth, he 'lost' his number, when told to email, it was his agent and 'misplaced' the slip of paper with his email.
Told me his father and him picked up new hobbies, they did metal working, and proceeded to tell me that he made me this ring, he handed me the ring then told me that it was made out of 'old saw blades' that the local lumber yard would donate to them to make said rings out of. I asked how he made them seamless and he said that it took a long while to sand out the seam and make it solid enough to not break.....on the inside of this ring, is an engraved label that had the type of steel its made from, i ask dumb and ask him what grade metal it is, he responds he doesnt know.
He did a graphic design for a book cover in graphic design class, turns out the 'models' on the cover of the book loved it and were going to send it to the author. Turns out shes likes it and is going to use it as the main book cover. her name was T. Smith, he forgot her name but knew she was a New York Times Best Seller. but didnt know the fucking name of the artist. he also 'signed' a contract with her to do the next 5 books in the series.
He also said that he couldn't join the wrestling team in school because he was 'too big', then proceeded to tell me that he then joined a sumo wrestling club.
plus many more i could go on for days.
LongDawson · 3 points · Posted at 19:50:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He told another guy that me and him had gotten into a fight at a pool hall. Two guys that we hustled at pool confronted us and we beat them up with pool sticks. None of this was true, so imagine my surprise when our mutual friend asked me about it one day.
sexykitty · 3 points · Posted at 19:51:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have a close relative that spun a yarn regarding how she got grant money to raise Buffalo...she lives on 5 acres of dirt in central Florida. Ok, maybe a 1/3 of the property has grass, but it's definitely not suited for a herd of Buffalo.
epmoya · 3 points · Posted at 19:51:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know a real life Walter Mitty: First and foremost, he is an ex-Navy Seal, he is also an Architect, pilot, surfs "the Mavericks", sky diver, has owned several restaurants, owned several race horses, owns a plane, used to race motorcycles, was the CEO of a Yacht club...I know there is more but I can't think of them right now. All I know for sure is that he is working at a burger joint now...in his head he probably thinks he owns it.
Haskillbrother · 3 points · Posted at 20:05:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What if everyone in this sub is lying about the lies they've heard...
ouijahead · 2 points · Posted at 07:33:48 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I just had that very same thought before I read this. And Im 100 percent not lying about it. I met Tom petty once. I asked him if he knew who tom petty was because he looked just like him and he said no ? Hours later I realized it had to be Tom petty. Similar story with Ted Koppel. I asked him , has anyone ever told you that you sound just like ted koppel? I only knew of people doing impressions of him. He said " no, no one has ever told me that" I learned later through google images that I was speaking to him. ( waited on him in a fifties diner )
GrayWing · 3 points · Posted at 20:27:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Way late to this thread, but I'll post anyway. This was my best friend from elementary school who ended up being a compulsive liar in high school.
Over the course of 4 years in high school, he went through 3 or 4 Swedish supermodel girlfriends that none of us (our friend group) ever got to meet. They always "went to a different school" or "were on vacation with their family" and at one point one of them got stuck in Sweden and couldn't come back because she didn't have a passport or something.
He created fake Facebook profiles for these girls that he would show to us. They were clearly pictures from the internet, we found most of them by googling "hot blonde girl" and they were on the first page. One of them was a weed dealer who he got hookups from and SWORE he would introduce to us. She died in a car accident one day out of nowhere.
These girls would have "sex parties" occasionally that were just orgies where he would get with like 4 of them at once. It was absolutely ridiculous. This guy ended up losing my friendship because he spread a rumor among our friends that I once shoved a carrot up my ass on webcam when we were young for a dominatrix. They all believed it until we all realized how full of shit this guy was.
PM_ME_UR_SIDEBOOOB · 3 points · Posted at 20:28:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a guy who claimed he was part of the Rothschild family and had never flown commercial, only private. This was in a pretty affluent area where stories like this weren't unheard of, so I didn't immediately discredit his statement. A few months later we had a falling out. I didn't speak to him for a year, at which point I walked by him living on the street. Unless he managed to spend his entire "Rothschild fortune" I'm going to assume that everything he had ever told us was a lie.
hiphop_dudung · 3 points · Posted at 20:28:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Some fat girl hooked up with my drunk friend then 9 days later told my friend she was pregnant. Even gave my friend an address of the clinic she went to and the name of the doctor. My friend was freaking out because he doesn't know how biology works so I took him to the address that girl gave and it was an empty piece of land. That night I saw the girl at a party smoking and drinking and when I told her that's now good for the "baby", she just told me "oh, well"
Engineer_Outside · 3 points · Posted at 21:29:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One of my "friends" in High School was a compulsive liar. The final straw for me was the day when she came in to school with bandages wrapped around her wrists.
*She told me this elaborate story about her being mugged outside her house. The guys grabbed her by the wrists and threw her to the ground and ran off with her purse. She had spent the entire night in the ER due to the "Indian burns" they had given her wrists.
*She told one of our other friends that she had unsuccessfully attempted suicide
*She told another friend that her and her boyfriend had decided to try something new in the bedroom and had used handcuffs for the first time. She had the bandages on her wrists so her parents wouldn't see the raw places the handcuffs had rubber her skin.
Next day she came in and the bandages were gone and her wrists were fine. If anyone brought it up she said she was a quick healer.
microcandella · 3 points · Posted at 21:36:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He was was 28 in early 2000s (TRUE). He was deployed in Vietnam and the Korean war! Fought for the USA in the Falklands. All of these were secret wars too when pressed for questioning. He would wear all kinds of combat patches. He was the undisputed US Army Chess Grandmaster (He'd steal your pieces off the board). He beat Bobby Fischer and then taught him...while Bobby was deployed.. Ignorant girls fell for this way too often.
Another yahoo claimed to be ex-CIA with a "Psy-Ops division" but looked more like ex-KFC. He went to London bobby school for "offensive tactical stunt driving" and he was so good they put him in charge of teaching when the queen came for inspection. She was so impressed she asked for personal stunt driving lessons. She paid him 2 million pounds for them and made him her personal driver for a month. Something about nuclear codes..
RaygunWizzle · 3 points · Posted at 23:54:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The mother of my daughter. We had been loosely dating about 3 months when she came up pregnant. By the time my daughter was 3 months old I couldnt stand her anymore and called her out on all of it. From what I can remember:
She faked a british accent, always. This she claimed was because she grew up in England and attended the Royal Academy of Dance.
She had an evil twin sister who's hair was black (she is blonde).
She had like 12 brothers and sisters who lived in their family's homes around the world.
Her dad flew around visiting these children in his private jet.
She had an uncle found chopped up and stuffed in a tool box.
Dad was working with/for the Italian Mafia.
She had an extremely rare heart disease called 'Chagas' (the disease is real, hers was not). She even told our prenatal doctor this.
When she would have 'attacks' from the Chagas she would pound a BC powder straight and that would handle it...
She made fake MySpace accounts for jealous beefcake lovers and message me from them trying to get me riled up (I would just laugh and block them).
She said she went to University of Texas in Austin and did so much coke she just had a train of dudes running through her apartment and a string she could pull to ring a bell (I forget what for, but check the office of the registrar and she never attended).
Thats about all I can recall.
saxofreakk · 3 points · Posted at 00:45:14 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I can actually answer something!! So, my friends roommate my freshman year of college was a pathological liar. She was cool for a little bit, but it took us about 6 months to realize her stories weren't real. We actually kept a document that had every lie she ever told which ended up with over 90 lies. We legitimately looked into each story, and every one was false. The biggest ones:
1) She was raped by her best friend after prom. We looked him up in her state's public records. He's nowhere to be found. She said they were both 18 at the time and that he was in jail. Facebook stalking showed us that he moved across the state and was in college.
2) She told us she was diagnosed with cancer, lost all her hair, recovered, and grew her hair back to shoulder length over summer break. If she felt particularly lonely, she'd cry and tell us her cancer came back. It "came back" all the time. One weekend she went back home and said she was getting chemo. Another friend of ours happened to be in town and wanted to go with her. She said sure and arranged for a time to meet up. She stopped responding closer to the meet up time. I snap chatted her 30 mins after learning that she stopped responding to our other friend. She instantly answered me with a picture of a lake.
3) She said she got raped by a customer at Walmart (she worked there) while walking to her car around 3 am, at the end of a shift. We asked if she called the police or pressed charges and she said she was too nervous. We accepted this as plausible. Until she told the same story to someone else and said it was her boss. And another person saying it was her new coworker. Then I asked her about it again a couple weeks later and she told me it was her boss. I dismissed it as another lie and moved on. WELL about a week later she comes to me crying. She said she was pregnant from the rape. I acted sympathetic and asked for details. She said she took a pregnancy test and it was positive. Then said she was going to give it away for adoption. Except there's no way to find out if you're pregnant after just one week, to my knowledge. So I just ignored her again. Three days later she had a gay couple to adopt. Cool. Two weeks later she was finding out the sex of the baby. A month later she miscarried.
We went to group counseling (about four of us) without her to figure out what to do. Essentially the therapist told us we either had to confront her or stop talking to her altogether. We confronted her and she had a meltdown and went missing for a day. She showed back up and acted like nothing happened. Continued with the lies. I don't know if she even knew they were lies. I don't associate with her anymore because it's just too much to handle.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 00:52:33 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend who used to tell stories that were obviously fake. He would go on and on about something that just felt impossible. Once in awhile there would be barbeque sauce. Not only were the stories impossible, they were often impractical examples of preheating to 200 degrees. Covering the ribs in the barbeque sauce, slow-cook for 4 hours in the oven and finish on the grill.
Stink-Finger · 3 points · Posted at 01:00:40 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
To start with: That I would save $2500 a year on my health insurance.
It gets worse from there.
Silosolo · 3 points · Posted at 01:40:22 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had a friend in HS who said he had a twin brother, we who named rhymed with his. We bought it up to his mom and her response was "I think I would have remembered that"
BaronTatersworth · 3 points · Posted at 02:29:27 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A substitute teacher during my senior year at highschool was a gigantic pathological liar.
He claimed to have personally bodyguarded John F. and Robert Kennedy, Marilyn Monroe, Tupac and others.
Without running my response through my in-brain 'tact' filter, I blurted out, "Wow, you were a terrible bodyguard."
He said other ridiculous stuff, but that's the only thing I had an unintentionally funny response to.
Waqas411 · 3 points · Posted at 05:37:51 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Went to a really competitive high school (half the kids were Asian, there was a giant board in the cafeteria at the end of 1st semester where kids' IDs were posted with their grade point average). One Asian guy said he was rank 14 (high school class of about 1000), but I had never seen him study in my life although he was 2 years ahead in math. The next year, my friend and I found a way to hack into the online grade viewing system, called him out on having all C's and D's, and unintentionally set off major IT reform in the school district.
pjlake · 3 points · Posted at 05:44:28 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was with a group of my friends and we had just finished bowling and we were looking for something fun to do the rest of the night. One of my friends suggested going driving up to a mountain nearby and chilling for a bit. Another friend said that he wouldn't be able to go. We asked him why and he said he needed to go collect rent from a rental that his grandparents own. It was LITERALLY 1 in the morning and he tried to convince us he needed to collect rent.
ckvolkl · 3 points · Posted at 05:44:40 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ahh there's a kid in my grade at school who says he is -A world wide known dj signed to spinnin and armada -An emt (need to be 21 to do that in our town) -Skipatrol -USA lacrosse player (yet he's on jv) -One of the Yale lacrosse coaches -Good friends with the Israeli ambassador -His friend was murdered in a drive by right next to him and he was shot too -Owns 2 audi r8s -Semi-pro csgo player There's many more I just can't remember them right now
Aimintothedark18 · 3 points · Posted at 05:52:39 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Overweight white guy tells everyone he's from China, apparently his mom gave birth to him in Japan and died during child birth. Then a Chinese woman adopted him. He says he's been to Pyongyang worked at a circus and joined the Chinese army. Guess where I met him, no seriously guess I'll give you some time.............. Walmart, now just because this is improbable doesn't mean it's impossible. But I found out his last name looked him up on Facebook and dun Dun DUN his mom is on there and she's white. STOP FUCKING LYING.
imsortakindalikinit · 3 points · Posted at 06:00:07 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Okay I'm super late to this but I have some good ones.
So this is a girl I've known for over 12 years now, since we were in second grade, and I've got a few pretty great stories she's tried to convince me were true.
The first two are from third and fourth grade. We were at her house alone, playing truth or dare in the pool. She asked if I would believe her if she told me she was born with a penis. 7 year old me was all "Um I'm not sure that sounds pretty fake but maybe?" So she proceeds to try to convince me that she was and that her parents put a cup over it to hide it because they didn't want to come up with a guy name for her since they'd already picked a girl name. I never really believed that but I sort of went with it because we had moved there about a year before and she was one of my only friends since most of the girls in the small school we went to already had their own groups. She stuck with this story until she eventually just forgot it. She had also tried to convince me that she was Jesse McCartney in disguise.
Later that same year we were making milkshakes in my family's kitchen. She suddenly started talking about how Dylan and Cole Sprouse thought she made really good milkshakes so I should just let her do all of it. She said that they were on those Disney Channel game things together (obvious lie... I watched that show and she was never on it) and that she'd gone over to their house to go swimming with them. I said that there was no way that was true and she started crying because I didn't believe her.
In sixth grade she changed correctly spelled words on my spelling tests when she was grading them to make them wrong. She didn't just lie to the teacher about it either when I was confused about why I had failed a spelling test when that was one of the subjects I was best at and we were doing review words. She told me multiple times that she hadn't changed anything on my test even though I could see the eraser marks and the changes were in different handwriting. She never admitted to it, even when I said I wouldn't be mad if she would just admit that she wasn't better at spelling than me after she had been going on and on for weeks about how bad I must be at spelling. When anyone else graded my tests I got 100%. I have them all in a folder somewhere. She still says things like "Hey do you remember that year you were so bad at spelling? That was so funny! You kept saying I changed your tests but you obviously just didn't study enough hahaha so funny!!" sometimes and I'm a bit bitter about it.
I don't remember any others until high school, when she said she'd been cast (as a freshman with an okay but definitely not good singing voice compared to a lot of other people at the arts school she went to) as Peter in Peter Pan and that she would get to use those wire things to fly around even though her school only had a black box theater and definitely didn't have enough funding for that. I was almost fooled by this one because I thought she had gotten past the lying thing but I mentioned how skepttical I was to her sister and her sister had no clue what she was talking about.
Since then there hasn't been anything too memorable, just a lot of exaggerations on mostly true things. But I'm waiting for her to flat out lie again because I never called her out on any of this and she acts like I'm stupid for "falling for it" when she makes shit up.
TheMightyApostrophe · 1 points · Posted at 14:35:33 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Changing your tests was mean, but bringing it up years later? Something's wrong with her. Or she's an asshole. Or both.
valyria0105 · 3 points · Posted at 06:07:56 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He had a Swiss girlfriend whose dad had a house on a cliff in the mountains, accessible only by hellicopter; plus he had given him a ferrari. We were in high school, nowhere near Switzerland :)
joshbuilds · 3 points · Posted at 18:57:58 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a gf who was a compulsive liar in grade 12. There are very many stories she told me but here are some:
One was that she had an irregular heart beat. This was a recurring story. And it wud always happen to act up whenever I was doing something with friends. Once she had open heart sugery and made it to school the next day perfectly fine and recovered. Other times she way rushed into emergency or passed out on the street.
Another good one was her mom and brothers all said they were from Pakistan but she said they were Columbian. She would pretend to speak Spanish and said her real name was actually mañana. Once I had her talk to my friend who knew Spanish. He said she was speaking gibberish. She said he didn't know Any Spanish and he was actually speaking gibberish
Kleptomatikk · 3 points · Posted at 20:54:33 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
When she says I'm the biggest she's ever had.
Tries not to cry
Cries
frankenstien_farts · 40 points · Posted at 10:46:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That she loved me.
mandalorkael · 5 points · Posted at 12:51:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
too real bro
islandfaraway · 6 points · Posted at 17:21:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I feel you dude, dated a pathological liar once. She's the worst. Wrote a thing about it:
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:52:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A relative of mine finally had enough and started separation from his wife. They ended up having some big talk with the two of them and her mum. In the chat the wife said that they shouldn't end it and she still loved him, my relative was like "really?", and her mum stepped in to say "stop lying, you haven't loved him in years"
I have edited details to make this less recognisable but the main story is there
Pathetika · 1 points · Posted at 12:41:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh frankenstien_farts, you will find love again.
zoki671 · -6 points · Posted at 12:54:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not the last time that it happens.
Suck it up
PackTheBowl · 2 points · Posted at 20:16:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dude gtfo with that shit. Seriously, fuck you.
zoki671 · -4 points · Posted at 21:52:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh im sorry, did i hurt your feelings? Everything is gonna be OK, just sit in your corner and cry, untill Ms.perfect will come and suck your tiny dick
PackTheBowl · 1 points · Posted at 05:24:16 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
No you didn't hurt my feelings at all. Just calling out a piece of shit when I see one. Have a nice day fuck face.
graverubber · 6 points · Posted at 18:00:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He's going to build a wall.
ShallowendPirate · 1 points · Posted at 23:39:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
GTFO
LadyEmry · 5 points · Posted at 10:43:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
That she could see ghosts and the future, and had a 'ghost protector' who followed her around and communicated with her through the wind. She later admitted that the future thing was a lie, but still maintains ten years later that the ghost thing is totally true.
Edit: a word.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 12:58:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
LadyEmry · 2 points · Posted at 13:07:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
No, I don't think so. I think she was just a very toxic and attention seeking person. She thrived on creating drama amongst her friend group, so on top of the frequent lying she also did a lot of other negative stuff such as cheating on her partners (usually with their friend), dating their exes, and lots of passive-aggressive bullshit. She successfully broke up one of my relationships through lying as it was "taking attention away from her relationship". On many occasions I saw her be sweet to someone's face, then spend an hour bitching about them behind their back. After we drifted apart, I found out she did this to me as well.
She was just a very shitty person, essentially, and I do not regret cutting off that friendship for a second.
SatinSerpent · 6 points · Posted at 19:46:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Here is a very weird one. I had a buddy who IS a pathological liar. He would lie about everything. He knew I was a Godzilla fan and went into great detail about a preview for a NEW Godzilla movie he saw. Or so he said. Well, I didn't believe him. FF about 10 years. And a preview for a brand new... JUST MADE Godzilla film was shown at the theater I was in. The movie was made THAT YEAR. The preview was EXACTLY as my lying friend had described it 10 years earlier. Some how he had used his magic bullshit powers to see into the future or something. I was blown away.
DarkPasta · 8 points · Posted at 10:37:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One-uppers generally have this trait.
[deleted] · 17 points · Posted at 11:10:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
DarkPasta · 2 points · Posted at 11:17:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
HI!
Walleyearentpickerel · 9 points · Posted at 16:46:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Reminds me of crazy Donald. Claimed to have 10 billion dollars, tried selling his own line of steaks, started his own university...... Called a reporter claiming he was his own publicist, and said that Madonna wanted to date him. Oh I could go on. What an asshole.
ShallowendPirate · -1 points · Posted at 23:23:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ugh, another one. FOH. There's a subreddit that..
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 10:30:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
Dawson2089 · 1 points · Posted at 10:49:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
But the aliens!
itsfoine · 2 points · Posted at 12:03:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There was this kid who no matter what story you told, he had to make one up to one up you. I remember at lunch I was talking about the Gym Class Heroes Concert I went to and he was like well I met them when I was at Warped Tour and they were awesome. This was before Facebook and we couldn't prove whether he went or not but it was highly unlikely.
Then he would just tell these elaborate stories of meeting celebrities and how on vacation he had bumped into Tony Parker and he joined his family for dinner. The older we got the more far-fetched it went. He even went so far as to say Weird Al wanted to him in one of his music videos.
But one day we had finally had enough of his bull shit lies. His latest one was that he had asked to be an extra in the next Batman movie (this would be the second of the Dark Knight films) and we said okay let's see the proof. He went cold. He said that well he was thinking about doing it and turned it down and it was a phone call so no proof and we just kept calling his bluff until he ran out of the cafeteria. I haven't heard from him since High School so i wonder what web of lies he had spun in college.
Misterpeople25 · 2 points · Posted at 12:31:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Knew a guy who swore up and down one day that his friend was killed by a ouija board, by the little triangle thing flying off the board and into his friends heart. I asked him about it the next day and he said that never happened, nor did he tell me that story. There's a lot of other lies he said, but that one sticks out.
American_Raider · 2 points · Posted at 12:34:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There used to be a creepy girl in class who would randomly growl at people walking by. She was convinced she was a demigod (greek) and was always refer to others as "mere mortals"
DaddyRocka · 1 points · Posted at 21:28:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I AM THE GOLDEN GOD
American_Raider · 1 points · Posted at 02:00:51 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Essentially thats what happened
MrMcKonz · 2 points · Posted at 12:35:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He told us, among other things, he go shot in the face by a desert eagle, and ran over by a steam roller. This was in middle school, mind you.
dfpw · 2 points · Posted at 12:37:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
was about 10 years ago, guy was about ~21. Stated that "he had beaten chuck norris in a martial arts competition" and "had to go to denver last weekend to help broker a deal between denver's chapters of the bloods and the crips". Wish I was lying and that he didn't legitimately state these things, or that I would remember some of the other wild shit.
Ooh, also he had no teeth due to "an overly acidic mouth" we were all pretty sure he did meth before the military.
thebeesbollocks · 2 points · Posted at 12:39:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My best friend (who was extremely wealthy) when I was 7 claimed he had a rocket ship at his house and I believed him. The first time I went to his house on a play date, I asked him where the rocket ship was and he told me it hadn't been made yet. I believed him.
AshevilleDave · 2 points · Posted at 12:40:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That she was Jewish. The truth came out at her own wedding. Her mom was confused on why I wanted to know if her family was Ashkenazi or Sephardic. It turns out nope, just from Florida. I knew something was up with that giant star of David tat. I don't think she had even ever stepped foot in a Synagogue. That was just the tip of the iceberg in a relationship that destroyed my friend's life for years who is a exceptionally smart guy, I am still not sure why he stuck by her side through all that constant lying for over a decade.
Ratchet1332 · 2 points · Posted at 12:47:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have a friend with no teeth, and he's 28.
He said that the dentist fucked up his enamel and softened it, so his teeth started to fall out and he had to get dentures.
His brother told us he was born with less than average enamel on his teeth. That, coupled with his raging alcoholism since at least his early 20s and lack of caring, is the reason he has no teeth.
downhereforyoursoul · 1 points · Posted at 15:37:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's sad. I had a high school friend who thought if she starved herself when she was pregnant, the baby would be smaller and the labor easier. Nope, she had a large, healthy baby but fucked up her health, and all her teeth fell out. I can't understand that kind of stupidity.
hermherm · 2 points · Posted at 12:48:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was a pathological liar in HS. Told my mother once, after coming home at 5 am with a best friend and her being awake and seeing us walking in, that our cheerleading bus broke down on a Wednesday night after a football game(?) and that we were almost hijacked by the Mexican cartel.
I was a terrible liar, an obviously a complete idiot then.
Anna_Draconis · 2 points · Posted at 12:50:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One of my best friends in highschool was a compulsive liar. The best one he told me was that he accidentally programmed a sentient computer virus he named ODIN. He pointed to a desktop PC in the corner of his bedroom and said that it lived on that, but never turned it on or anything to show me, of course. I'd suspect it was some way to impress me and get into my pants (note: I am a computer geek) if he hadn't told absolutely everyone else about it, too.
LewdSkywalker · 2 points · Posted at 12:52:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I left my employee Tim outside a venue. He had keys to our truck, but was not insured to drive it.
Twenty minutes later I came back outside. Our trailer had been moved, and had significant damage on one side. He claimed not to know what happened.
I found gouge marks along a ditch near the front of the venue. He'd apparently towed the trailer, but because he didn't know how to drive it had cut the corner too short, running it through the ditch.
It cost about $3000 to repair it.
Fuck you, Tim.
AverageFatGuy · 2 points · Posted at 12:54:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My father-in-law once told me that he had given over 25 gallons of blood over his lifetime. Claimed to have a special award because of it. Despite having spent the majority of the last 10 years of his life in and out of hospitals, losing both legs to complications from diabetes, and having not a single family member remember him ever giving blood even once, he stuck to his lie.
Troubador222 · 1 points · Posted at 16:19:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That is possible of you donate every time you are eligible. I dont know if diabetes exempts you from it, but you do have to meet certain health standards. I will ask my wife as she worked in blood banks for a long time.
CockNballzee · 2 points · Posted at 12:55:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Once met this gypsy guy that claimed to have stolen cars, was a big time drug dealer, had huge orgy's with hookers and also numerous other obvious lies. Oh yeah he was 15.
ainulaadne · 2 points · Posted at 12:57:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I used to talk a lot with these two girls on a forum who swore up and down that they lived in Venice. Talked about it all the time. I was primed to believe them, because I'd actually just been relocated to Switzerland courtesy of my dad's job. But they would joke about how being online in North American daytime was really screwing up their sleep. Or one time a girl said she had to leave for work, and I checked and it was barely 4 am in Italy -- she said she worked at a bakery.
For the most part I just accepted all the ever-so-slightly-off parts of their story, until we got into an discussion of whether or not Venice is a big city. I've been there once, and I googled population information and a map route of how long it takes to cross it on foot, and nothing they were saying made any sense. Started to get suspicious.
The thing that ended up giving them away was pretty dumb. One of the girls mentioned something about how, since she was so short, people always thought she was a child, "like earlier today, the gondolier asked if the doge was my father! And I was just there to drop off some lire we owed him!"
Full stop. First, what are you doing taking a gondola to get anywhere, and especially hiring one? You're a native, and that's a tourist trap.
Next, lire? No. Euros have been the currency in Italy since 2002. This was 2010.
And doge? Used to be the title for Venice's chief magistrate, an elected official. The position was abolished in 1797.
I wish, now, that I'd taken my evidence and called them out-- but back then I didn't want to cause any friction, so I just found all this out and kind of shrugged it off, like, "Oh well. Guess they were lying. Go figure."
Akronica · 2 points · Posted at 12:58:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'll make sure you all have a 2% raise for the new fiscal year.
Alexstarfire · 1 points · Posted at 20:59:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"Raise"
ImMadAsHell__ · 2 points · Posted at 13:00:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a Grandmother who constantly would espouse "knowledge" that she "read in the paper" (but not the ones in the recycle bin - other ones that we can't find). Her all time biggest whopper was "trees absorb oxygen and give off Carbon Dioxide." After an hour long circular argument she was still insistent that that was what in her college textbooks from the 40s. Then my dad overheard the argument and reminded her that the textbooks were in the basement in storage. After another hour of hunting for the textbook that contained this lovely bit of science, she declared "it must be one that I threw away." I was 10 years old. I never believed any "fact" she threw out after that.
perfection-101 · 2 points · Posted at 13:06:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Whenever one of my friends meets someone on a night out, you can pretty much guarantee everything he says will be a lie.
For quite a while, he always claimed that he was a graphic design student at a famously shitty university (he actually has a job in software). He'd go on to list a bunch of semi-obscure albums he's done the artwork for.
I guess the odds of meeting another graphic designer who'd ask things about his style/tools etc was too high, so he's recently switched to pretending to be a soil analyst.
Alexstarfire · 1 points · Posted at 20:55:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The real panty dropper.
perfection-101 · 1 points · Posted at 23:20:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Clearly he prefers fucking with people to fucking them.
hilariously_dumb · 2 points · Posted at 13:07:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
His dad worked at pokémon
and lego
and k'nex
and beyblade and flippo
KesselZero · 2 points · Posted at 13:07:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I worked with a music producer/manager who was a nice guy and helped me out a lot, but was absolutely a pathological liar. I think it helped him in the business, because he had no trouble saying that an artist had sold 100 records at a show when they had sold ten, that sort of thing. Anyway, it's been a few years, but here are some of his gems:
He was a professional French horn player until he split his lip in a fight.
He introduced Max Weinberg and Bruce Springsteen, and gave Weinberg advice that got him the gig.
He was at the recording of "Imagine" and played piano on it.
He played guitar at a show with Slash, and had to play all of Slash's parts because Slash was too drunk.
When he was in the Vietnam War he set off a huge explosion using all the plastic explosives at their base.
His birth certificate is marked M for mulatto.
He invented multitrack tape recording.
And my personal favorite: that I should quit my job and get rid of my apartment because we were going to be on the road nonstop. Thanks, buddy.
PM_Me_Rude_Haiku · 2 points · Posted at 13:08:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I would occasionally bump into a guy around bars in my town, and aside from having to listen to him drone on about his latest fictional ninjitsu-street-fight-vigilante-crusader bullshit every time I saw him, for some reason he also felt the need to tell me how he had recently become a commercial fisherman.
We live in a town in the absolute dead-centre of the UK. The ocean is over two hours drive away, and even then I don't think much commercial fishing goes on around there. The story wasn't that fantastic. Maybe he travelled a lot for work. I took it at face value and asked a few polite questions which he answered in impressive amounts of detail.
I saw him again about a month later and asked him how the fishing job was going. I wished I hadn't, because he spent the next 2 hours relentlessly barraging me with unremarkable tales from the high seas, again filled with utterly uninteresting technical detail. Again, I had no reason to doubt any of this. I figured he was excited about all of it, and just had no off switch.
That all ended when his buddy walked in. Mr Fsherman left the two of us at the table together for a minute whilst he went to get another drink.
"Brace yourself," I warned the friend. "You're going to hear a lot about Mr Fisherman's fishing job tonight."
The friend looked puzzled. "What fishing job?"
"The commercial fishing job he got last month. He's been telling me all about it for the past two hours."
"That dick isn't a fucking fisherman. He works packing boxes with me in a warehouse by B&Q"
What...the...fuck?
peglar · 2 points · Posted at 13:09:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Matt showed up crying on my doorstep. He said a kid we went to high school with died in a car accident. We cried on my couch and told stories about the dead friend. Several months later, I ran into the dead friend at the grocery store, still alive, no car accident. It was just one lie in a myriad.
TheThirdWheel · 2 points · Posted at 13:13:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy that worked with me a few years back, always good for a grade-A bullshit story. He lived in LA for a few years and makes up the most ridiculous shit, going on a date with Natalie Portman, shit like that.
His Metallica story takes the cake though, there's literally hundreds of layers of bullshit. He was at a local dive bar (he can't remember the name of it of course) that occasionally has live music, when out of nowhere Metallica shows up to play a set. He and about 25 other people got to enjoy over an hour of Metallica live just for them. After the show they are hanging out, and my coworker invited them back to his apartment pool, his fucking apartment building's pool. Just my coworker, no girls no one else with him, so naturally they ALL say "yes", of course. They then proceed to all hang out at his pool for hours drinking beer and telling my coworker crazy stories. My coworker was a little to drunk to remember any of the stories of course, oh and his phone battery was dead, and apparently no one in his apartment complex took pictures either.
Man fuck that guy, glad he finally got fired.
Troubador222 · 2 points · Posted at 16:32:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The Rolling Stones would, once in a while, go play a set in bars when they were touring the US. I didn't see them but it would always be written about in the music press afterwards. They would book under assumed band names.
Distorted_Visions · 2 points · Posted at 13:18:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A cousin of mine tried to pursue a music career and told the family that a big music producer in Dubai wants to sign him and fly him out to record proffesionally...
Then came the fake Facebook/Twitter of the said music producer who was adding family members trying to get close to the family, family had no choice but to play along with the bullshit. My cousin was so deep in this lie that he would go off to take a "business call" during family gatherings, but it didn't end there, He had taken unauthorised leave from his work to fly out to Dubai just to prove to his parents how real it was. It was when he got to Dubai he was lost, alone and scared and but couldn't face telling his parents that it was all a big lie, instead he says that the producer died. So he comes back to England £600 and a Full-time job short.
Oh and he is also pissed that Drake stole his song "Hotline Bling" and gave no credit.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 13:18:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 13:24:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah, piano players are known for their combat skills.
FickleFishy · 2 points · Posted at 13:18:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When I was in 7th grade, there was a girl named Ashley who loved to lie, and I don't know how she was in our friend group because she did it so often. She lied about how she threw food at a lunch lady once, another time she lied about how her cut herself when one of my friends said they didn't want to hang out with her anymore, but my favorite lie was the one I caught her in.
In 7th grade, I played the tuba. It's a very expensive instrument, so I rented it from the school and twice a week my mom would pick me up and we'd take it home since it was too big to fit on the bus. One day when this happened, our car was actually right behind my bus all the way to our apartment neighborhood. It never once stopped when it shouldn't.
The next day Ashley told me this crazy story about all the stuff I missed the day before. The kids on our bus can be pretty rowdy, so she told me how our bus driver stopped in the middle of the road and yelled at them for like 5 minutes before kicking the back half of the bus off and onto the street and told them to walk home before leaving. She said since she sat in the back (which she never did, she always sat in the front), she had to spend a half hour walking home.
After hearing this, I thought about it and went "That didn't happen. I was behind the bus the whole time. It never stopped for that long, and I didn't see any mass of kids get off." Naturally, she said I was the liar in this case, and "why would I lie?! It DID happen!"
She later moved away and a year after sent me a message via social media saying how she was sorry for all the lies she told (and the fact that she kind of stabbed me in the back multiple times but that's not the point).
Redheadmistress · 2 points · Posted at 13:22:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he had been deployed and shot (had the scars to prove it! Though it was really where a mole had been removed...) We worked at a resort where the staff lived on the grounds and he told this to everyone. He had a completely made up back story about an abusive childhood, health problems (a limp due to bullet wound, ptsd from deployment), penis surgeries. Looking back it was so over the top absurd I don't know how I was ever even friends with him.
redqueenwildboy · 2 points · Posted at 13:23:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Our group of friends still talks about "Mark in Iraq"... A high school acquaintance once, at the age of about 15, tried to convince her year group about the existence of her fictional fiancee, a man named Mark who was in the military. This sadly wasn't unusual for her as she'd grown a reputation for tall tales about her life, but this time she went all out. She had love letters, addressed from his base in Iraq, posted to the school, and she would go through a song and dance of receiving and opening them. Then a "diamond ring" arrived, again posted to the school itself. I never found out what happened to Mark in the end, although know if his acquaintance she probably concocted a tragic end for him. Poor Mark.
There's also a chap who managed to find his way into our circle of university friends who I'm a little ashamed to say we keep around purely for entertainment value. He appeared at our university, and joined our society, despite clearly having no qualifications and frankly being thick as two short planks. Despite this, he's tried to convince anyone who'll listen that he's studying to be a doctor, and is on a long and unsuccessful mission to carve out an identity as a kind of alpha male chick magnet president of our Soc. I must admit I've allowed him to corner me at a party, just to hear his stories about working for successful music labels, learning to ride a wild horse at age three, and winning in a physical fight with a bull.
Spoon_says · 2 points · Posted at 13:23:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He said he was early on the way to work in the Tottenham Hotspur merchandise store and the Tottenham player Aaron Lennon came up to him and said "oh you're early for work to?, why don't you come in my lambo and we'll go for a spin"
This is coming from the guy who also said he had £30,000 worth of ketamine under his bed from his cousin
puckkarma · 2 points · Posted at 13:23:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Neighbor pretended he was a police officer and we was in the police academy. My friend and I rode our motorcycle to a club one night and got parking tickets. He told us we could park at the spot and the cops wouldn't bother us. When we got back we found parking tickets on our bikes. Friend and I were upset, pretend cop proceeded to say don't worry give me the tickets I got you. We give him the tickets and two weeks later we get a late ticket notice in the mail with the ticket fees higher. We go to him again and ask him what's going on. He plays it off saying that his cop friend must have forgotten. Dude was full of shit. A coupe month later he prended he got a job in Florida to be a cop and moved. Come to find out he moved down the street lost his license due to a DUI AMD OWED 20k in child support and he pretended that he has over 20k in his bank account. Land lord tell me he left cause he couldn't pay rent. Dude could not stop lying. He rode his motorcycle like he had nothing to Lose. Going 140 mph in a 45 zone crazy shit.
mirogravity · 2 points · Posted at 13:29:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There was a kid I roomed with a few years ago. He lied about literally everything. I have a lot of stories but this is the one where he made it super obvious he was lying (even though we knew already). He said he was driving back from school, somehow ended up 2 states away from where he lived, and he met up with a buddy. He and this buddy were riding on the highway when he noticed some cars following him. But instead of license plates, these cards had skulls instead. These "highway pirates" ran him and his friend off the road because supposedly they were in the Russian Mafia, (we live in NY) and his buddy pulls out a gun out of nowhere. But the gun didnt come into play until both of them got the shit beat out of them. They then drove to the hospital and he got better. I saw him 3 days after his story took place, not a scratch on him. I have waaay more stories about this kid if you guys want to hear it.
rbvq · 2 points · Posted at 13:32:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I once knew a girl all through primary and high school. When we were all around 16, we came back from our summer holiday to be told how she had;
became anorexic over summer but it was okay she was better now
modelled for Vera wang. no not the bridal collection, the normal clothes, obviously.
had almost been sold to a Turkish prince to be his wife.
bearybrown · 1 points · Posted at 08:06:20 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
it's a romcom script in the making i guess.
sonicjesus · 2 points · Posted at 13:33:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In the days before cell phones, she was supposed to pick me up and spend the day together. Bizarrely, she picked up my friend instead. She let him drive, and at one point he bumped into a mailbox and cracked her taillight. The next day, she flat out refused to admit she had been with him, denied it right to his face, and still demanded he replace her taillight.
bearybrown · 1 points · Posted at 08:07:28 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
classic road Bjs gone wrong i guess?
paperkitebutterfly · 2 points · Posted at 13:33:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One of my close friends in high school.
that they had a cocaine habit. At 17. Complete with vials of sugar in the sock draw to add to the illusion.
they were a competitive race car driver. At 14.
they had cancer.
This person is now in law enforcement. Be afraid.
employeesonly91 · 2 points · Posted at 13:34:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My son's biological mother constantly tells people who know better the most insane things, like my current girlfriend and I have been together two years and the egg-donor continuously says that she was at the last birthday party, or he saw her for christmas last year, etc. She hasn't seen him once in 3 years and he is 4 years old. She lives in Ohio or Michigan or something. We live in Florida.... Not to mention all the ridiculous "He cheated in court to get custody." Apparently passing drug tests consistently and having an income not earned from street pharmacy is "cheating"
IbrahimovicPT · 2 points · Posted at 13:34:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy in highschool told once that we usualy rides home in an helicopter. He lived like 1 km from school. Not that that would be the only "problem" in his story, but, you know, 1 km from school.
He was 17 at the time.
Also he once said that his father drove 200 km/h in a dense traffic 50 km/h street with like 150 m.
OrangesInStereo · 2 points · Posted at 13:35:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Family member is a compulsive liar. Every time he gets caught he takes advantage of people from the outside not knowing his tendencies and makes it sound like it's the family that's framing him somehow.
Diseases: He's had cancer, melanoma, HIV and Parkinson's, some of them at the same time. but he got better.
Jobs: He was a priest, a philosopher, and an EU parliament member. Right now claims he's a member of a very wealthy family from Germany, so obviously he doesn't need to work. The truth is that he has never worked a day in his life.
All he really is, is a leech that spins stories for attention.
theicewalker · 2 points · Posted at 13:35:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A friend of mine in High School would always tell stupid stories, usually just things that "totally actually happened" on the internet. But once he said that he was street racing on the backroads of our little country town in his 1990s Oldsmobile. The cops showed up but he outran them, powerslid into someone's driveway and killed his headlights. Got away scott free.
Yeah right.
HotTyre · 2 points · Posted at 13:43:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend who was trying to get into an acting career. The guy did follow courses, but apart from a couple appearances as an extra in a webseries, never had any actual work or audition and had a drinking problem.
Several times he'd lie about having been gone for rehab when really all he did was going back to his parents for a month due to money coming short.
But that wasn't his worst lie. He once tried to convince me that he had gone to Egypt for a week-end to shoot an ad. I was genuinely interested as I believed he wouldn't lie to his best bro at the time, but he just kept on going and making up details as he went and I didn't really have the nerve to challenge him on details and evidence.
Only realised it was a lie when one of the girls he was hitting on told me he gave her the same story just to impress her. it was infuriating and saddening to hear that he was so far up his own ass that he would give me the same lies as to a random girl he was trying to bang.
IntentionalTexan · 2 points · Posted at 13:43:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I worked with this guy who had all these tall tales. He participated in a violent revolution and then faked his own death to get smuggled into the US by his buddies in the navy seals because he saved their lives. He was a platform fighter that had to flee town when his manager and trainer got whacked by the Mob. So many stories that all sounded so fake that nobody took him seriously. Then one day I was over at his house and was in his den and on the wall was a picture of him on the flight deck of an aircraft carrier. He's standing with a bunch of navy seals and he's wearing a fucking navy seal uniform. Beneath the picture is the navy seal dagger that they gave him. I don't know what to believe any more. All the stories could be true.
fitlazy · 2 points · Posted at 13:44:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My brother is a security guard. He called me over one day and said "you see this badge, when they call me in I can set it in the windshield and it will change all of the lights green so I can get there as fast as possible." I just always act impressed because he thinks he needs to lie to sound interesting . Not sure if you should call someone out in these cases or not.
bravesgeek · 2 points · Posted at 13:44:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"My dad died of cancer right before I came to college." I had literally just met his dad and he had forgotten.
no_downside · 2 points · Posted at 13:46:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
i used to go to school (back in the 90s) with rick smith. rick smith played drums. this is true, as i watched him play drums, pretty well as i recall
well, ozzie osborn wanted rick to play for his band when rick was 4 but his mom wouldn't let him due to his age.
rick smith has jammed with korn on many occasions
rick smith has killed 7 people
rick smith has had sex with 400 women
this is all i can remember off the top of my head, and this was when rick smith was about 14 years old. who knows what crazy adventures rick smith has gotten himself into these past 20 years, but i bet his life is awesome.
Dr_Identity · 2 points · Posted at 13:52:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When I was a kid I went to camp every summer with another kid who made up all kinds of shit. When we were both 12 he not only told me he had a girlfriend at his school he had sex with on the regular, but that in the past he had had sex with an 18yo, a 19yo, and a 20yo. He said that he had another friend who had a hot sister, and one time the three of them were home alone and they all got naked and hung out for a while without clothes. He once tried to convince me that one of the Backstreet Boys was his cousin. He would also do this annoying thing where he'd make things up to try and get a reaction out of you. Like one time I visited him at his house for a few days, and his dad had to go to work one afternoon, but said that I was free to snack on anything in the kitchen while he was gone. At one point I grab a popsicle out of the freezer and begin to eat it, my friend walks in, and with a very serious tone says "You're not supposed to eat those! You're gonna get in trouble!" I called his bluff and said "Okay, tell your dad when he gets home then." He carried on with it for a little while longer before admitting it was a joke. Like, way longer than it should've been funny for him. He was actually trying to make me believe him at that point. I didn't really see him anymore after about the age of 14 or so, and I sometimes wonder what lies he's telling now that he's an adult and just how many people he's annoyed and alienated with them.
jasongnc · 2 points · Posted at 13:57:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A neighbor we used to have, said he was a General in the Army, a Railroad Engineer, was on the Carol Burnett show, was a Highway Patrolman, and was a lot of other things too. At his funeral we learned, based on the military honors (or lack thereof) he received that he was a private and received a general discharge. That threw into question everything else he said about his life.
stingrayaffIiction · 2 points · Posted at 13:57:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My high school "friend" Paul's stories were hilarious.
In the 9th grade, he told us he had hired a 6-bedroom houseboat and was going to take all of his friends on holiday to Sydney and watch the ARIAs from the harbour from this boat. Although we all had to pay him $1,400 or he wasn't going to take us.
The next year, in 10th, he told us he was going to an exclusive meet and greet with Justin Bieber and only he and the prime minister at the time's son were attending. When we asked him about it after the date, he told us they wouldn't let him in because only "retarded kids" were allowed in.
On several occasions, he also tried to tell me he'd received oral sex from my boyfriend, all on nights I had been with him myself. He told me that my boyfriend had snuck away while I slept, walked 5km+ to get to his house, sucked him off, and walked all the way back.
After high school I started working at a local supermarket. One afternoon he came in and told me he was the new regional manager and he was there today to do some inspections on the fresh food departments. I asked him why he wasn't wearing uniform, as he was wearing jeans and a t-shirt. "Oh, they said I don't have to wear uniform, I'm special." Right. I saw him walk out with his mum and some grocery bags a few minutes later.
The next time I saw him (which is also the last time I saw him) was also while I was working at this supermarket. He claimed he was still the regional manager and he'd just been talking to my store manager and he told me my work performance was slipping. When I asked what this meant for me, he told me it was out of his control because this was his last day as a regional manager, because QANTAS had hired him to be a commercial pilot. I asked him how he'd completed all the training to become a pilot and he mumbled some crap about them letting him pass it all because he was just that good.
My other friends accused him of stealing money from their houses when he slept over, and blaming it on his boyfriend (who lived several hundred kilometres away and none of us had ever actually met). Last I heard, he was working as a nurse, although I don't think he's ever completed any training to become a nurse.
bearybrown · 1 points · Posted at 08:30:42 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
because he is special?
Katsda · 2 points · Posted at 13:58:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm a little late to the party, so this will probably get buried, but it's relevant. Melinda went to my high school. She was a nice enough girl from a distance - very outgoing, very personable. Once you actually got to know her, however, you could never be sure if what she said was true or not.
My favorite story about Melinda is the time she borrowed my phone. She had been going on for an entire summer about the fact that she was seriously ill. She would show up to marching band practices with stories about her most recent medical tests. At one point she sent me a text about how her "Kemotherapy" was going (but her illness was not cancer - the doctors just didn't know what was wrong). At one of these practices, Melinda came up to me and asked to borrow my phone so she could call her doctor. I hand it over, because why not, and then I proceed to go sit with some friends. As I sit with them, I occasionally glance over at Melinda to see where she is and make sure she doesn't take off with my phone. She's right where I left her, leaning up against the wall and animatedly speaking to whoever is on the other end. Forty-five minutes later, she hangs it up and brings it back to me.
Later that night, something possesses me to check my phone history. Her call to her "doctor" had lasted 14 seconds. The rest of the forty-five minutes were simply her speaking into the phone with no one on the other end.
She didn't ask for my phone again.
cdhicks21 · 2 points · Posted at 13:59:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A friend in high school was usually pretty cool but would sometimes tell tall tales. On more than one occasion she told one of my stories to our group of friends as her own. I guess she had forgotten where she heard them and adopted them as her own.
Thee_Sauce · 2 points · Posted at 14:07:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Someone I used to work with claimed that he was a professional MMA fighter sponsored by Monster. He said that he really didn't need this job since he made $1500 every hour. He also had a bone deficiency and ulcers.
Another person who I used to work with claimed to have knocked over 30 motorcycles and then fought the 30 bikers and won. When he told that story another co-worker chimed in saying, "I've played Grand Theft Auto, too." When told that he had left his trucks lights one day, he said that his truck didn't run off of the battery. It ran off the alternator instead. He ran out to his truck real fast when someone explained to him how alternators work.
Dirtyoldsnow · 2 points · Posted at 14:11:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That the man I thought was my dad wasn't...Problem is..I'm not sure if she is lying about that part too.. Thanks a lot mom!
BertManigert · 2 points · Posted at 14:11:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a boss once who told us he had a doctorate from The University of Liverpool in Ancient Languages. He also said he was a combat decorated Vietnam vet, a true crime novelist and finally a former NASA scientist. Each lie would appear about two months after the last one. We had figured out he was a pathological liar but still were surprised to find out the business he owned and where we worked was engaged in massive fraud. Then we all quit.
seshhtito · 2 points · Posted at 14:12:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend will do virtually anything to get out of driving somewhere. This one particular lie really made me laugh. He claimed that on his way home from school, he had to steer almost in a ditch in order to avoid a raccoon. His knee was quote on quote “hurting him” and made him unfit to drive. He even began to rant that his car got a little damage from it. Fast forward the next day, his gf lives on my friends street and I happen to drive by and see that his car was there, in mint condition…
spook327 · 2 points · Posted at 14:12:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a guy who made shit up that wasn't even believable under any circumstances. Off the top of my head:
Lived in Japan for several years, spoke the language fluently, mastered several martial arts, but let himself go and forgot everything shortly after coming back to the states.
Claimed that he couldn't visit certain cities in the area because the local gangs had it out for him. In a pretty rural region where the largest city is 20,000 people (plus another 10K when students are around) that one's a pretty touch sell.
Would get "drunk" off of one or two wine coolers and dramatically weep while yelling things like "WHY'D YOU MAKE ME KILL HIM, DAD?"
Claimed that he could animate the dead. This lead to someone calling him on it out of sheer boredom and a pathetic scene of a fat, greasy idiot wandering around a cemetery, chanting gibberish, and waving his arms about elaborately. When nothing crawled out of the ground, he said that bad spirits were in the area and he couldn't continue.
joshi38 · 2 points · Posted at 14:13:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was about 7-8 and my friend would just make shit up.
One time, he told me that his uncle is an inventor and that he'd made a robot that looks exactly like my friend. The next day, he comes to school and tells me he's not my friend, he's the robot as my friend wanted to stay home.
Also, his family visited Saudi Arabia quite often back then and he told me that every time he went, he'd visit the "Cave of Wonders" from Aladdin.
JitGoinHam · 1 points · Posted at 15:42:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Your friend sounds like a diamond in the rough.
joshi38 · 1 points · Posted at 15:57:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ah, he was more of a street rat.
EclecticLaydee · 2 points · Posted at 14:14:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
While we were still married, my ex used to tell women online that I'd died giving birth to our youngest. One of them sent a huge box of designer clothes for the kids in the mail. That's how I found out.
covok48 · 2 points · Posted at 14:16:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
We'll call her Kylee.
She transferred to our expensive private college my 2nd year. She looked no older than 20, was dorky, a little heavy, and otherwise unremarkable. But oh we were so lucky to grace her presence because:
1) She was an opera singer who had travelled across Europe and tickets to her show were hundreds of dollars (note I didn't say euros.)
2) Former professional dancer who performed on Broadway and somehow ran her own studio inbetween classes.
3) On the super duper deans list honor role of the ever prestigious Southwestern University located in Georgetown, Texas (enrollment 1,500 & barely cracks the top 200 universities in America.)
4) Apparently had dated princes and young up and coming celebrities as part of her traveling arts work.
5) Was a model and had worked at [insert popular breasturant.]
Of course as you might have guessed, none of it was true. She couldn't carry a tune, had trouble learning & performing the Two-Step, failed out our school before the semester was over, was insecure & 'liked' any guy who was remotely nice to her, and naturally did not fit the model/ skimpy restaurant profile.
Up to that point I knew damaged pathological liars existed, I was just surprised she had managed to bullshit her way into our university.
Tl;dr: first experience with pathological liar in college.
ksimo13 · 2 points · Posted at 14:16:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My best friend seems to always find himself working regular college kid jobs that give him 23/hour, paid gas and vehicle wear on his personal car and insane overtime for every minute after 5pm he works.
DeneHiller · 2 points · Posted at 14:16:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have a friend who thinks everything on her body is natural. She wears purple lipstick and says it is her real lips, She dies her hair red and purple and says she was born with it, and has long acrylic nails that she believes are actually her nails (she gets them done all of the time).
kkasecky · 2 points · Posted at 14:20:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a roommate in college, who I also went to high school with. She told two of our mutual friends from back home that she had stomach cancer, and that she was going out of town all the time for chemo treatments, surgeries, had less than 6 months left to live, the whole 9. The entire time she was telling our mutual friends not to tell me (because I lived with her and would've known it was a lie). Turns out the girlfriend of one of our mutual friends felt like her story was fishy, and went to the girls house and work at times when she said that she was getting cancer treatments and saw her car there and talked to her boss about when she had been at work. She told her boyfriend about it, and then they ended up calling me and filling me in about what she had been saying, which I was able to confirm as lies since I knew what she was really doing during those times. We ended up talking to her mom about it, to get to the bottom of everything (and clearly the girl needed help). Then we had an "intervention" with the girl and confronted her about everything. Biggest lie ever.
princesspeach90 · 2 points · Posted at 14:20:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Probably going to be buried but this is crazy:
My aunt Jane(my grandmothers sister) =LIAR
Scene: my mom, grandma and myself had just gotten back from visiting Italy. In this visit we toured the Vatican- it was our first visit and we were excitedly telling aunt Jane about the trip.
We just barely begin telling her how amazing it was when aunt Jane interrupts and launches into the most insane story:
Her: "my minister was touring South America with the pope last year when, at an outdoor market, they found a wooden wheel. The pope tells her minister wow that's a great wheel we should buy that. So the pope buys it. Well a few months later the minister calls the pope and casually asks about the wheel. Well the pope was incredibly upset and tells the minister that the wheel was in the basement of the Vatican and it got water damaged! "Oh no!" Said the minister. The pope is very upset and doesn't know what to do, how can he fix it? Well the minister says I know someone who can fix that, JANE! The pope is obviously so grateful he ships the wheel to Detroit Michigan, to have JANE fix it. The minister brings the wheel to Jane and she fixes it quickly and sends it back to the pope. Well a few weeks later Jane gets a call from the POPE- and he is so grateful:
The phone call: He says "Jane thank you so much! Can I pay you for your work?"
"No" says Jane
"Can I give you anything?"
"No" says Jane
"I must do something for you Jane you've helped me so much!"
"Pray for me" says Jane
My mom my grandma and I were all kicking each other under the table and could barely contain how absolutely hilarious this bullshit was. We still bring it up when we need a good laugh!
It is worth mentioning that I am familiar with the incredible difficulty of art restoration, I was studying art abroad in Italy and briefly got a taste for this challenging field. My aunt Jane is not an artist nor is she trained in art restoration. She is just a nutter butter who likes those acrylics that come in the bottle at the craft store and thinks that attempting poor color matching on chipped plates is the same as art restoration.
highdefw · 2 points · Posted at 14:20:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One time in chemistry class in high school, we had a small break, so I was looking for a deck of cards to play a quick game with some friends. I remember the known school liar speaking up saying he had a special deck in his bag, but he did not want to get them out since they were expensive (apparently these cards had a gold coating to them...). He has told so many lies at this point, 100% this was a lie.
fappyday · 2 points · Posted at 14:24:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew an adult who pretended to be Scottish for 2 years. Fake accent, fake hometown, fake last name....When people would ask me about him, I'd tell the truth and he'd get pissed about it.
Char10 · 2 points · Posted at 14:26:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When I was in 3rd grade, I was very into Pokémon. The bus ride to school took almost an hour, so I would talk to a kid in 2nd grade who was also into Pokémon. We would talk about the different kinds we encountered on our quest to catch em' all.
Well I liked to tell "fish stories", because I thought it was funny to mess with this kid. I once told him that if he were to visit the cemetary in Lavendar Town and walk around a specific grave three times, a mew-two would appear! That poor kid told me he spent hours trying to do it at home, and even brought his gameboy on the bus one day for me to try it out. After explaining to him that only some cartridges had the special easter egg (which he bought) I later that week let him have one of my pikachu coins. I'm sorry for lying Corey!!!
snwebb88 · 2 points · Posted at 14:27:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
okay so not one specific story, but rather a multitude of lies that could not have in any fucking universe been true, or exist in the same timeline. This guy seemed normal when i first started working with him, albeit rough around the edges, and after a few months some stuff that he told me just really didn't add up. So in his timeline of his early life he:
-graduated from University of Texas with his masters in Engineering
-also owned his own motorcycle custom shop, grossing around a million bucks a year.
-was married and had multiple cigar boats
-was thrown in jail for 2 years in Morocco
-smuggled drugs from Texas to Louisiana regularly
and all of this from a guy working at a vape shop in small town Virginia....and we all knew he was from a town about 20 miles away....because he was in the yearbook of the high school that we all knew he went too about 20 years ago.
j0m1n1n · 2 points · Posted at 14:30:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
A young man rolled into town and started hanging out at the bar where I work. He told everyone he had been in the army and lost a leg in Iraq. He even had a story about how hard it was to get the army to pay for his prosthesis. A few people, actually ex-army, began to suspect that he was full of shit because he didn't know some terms that are apparently common military parlance. But what clinched it was when the weather started to get warmer and he came around wearing shorts. Two completely intact legs, no prosthesis.
Edit: Same guy fled town because he had promised a few people he would fix their iPhones. He took off with the phones and their money, prompting some scary dudes to show up at his former residence and harass his ex-gf. (Lovely, responsible, intelligent woman - still have no idea what she saw in him.)
A few months later I see him on Grindr. He claimed he just downloaded it so he could give it an honest rating in the Apple store.
Hy-per-bole · 2 points · Posted at 14:31:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I'm a compulsive liar during job interviews. "So... it says here you double majored in cardiovascular surgery and rocket science? Hm... Are you sure you want a job here at Costco?"
Compulsivedivorced · 2 points · Posted at 14:38:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That the cyber sex she was having with a woman online was a "Writing exercise". I'd discovered this a few weeks after our honeymoon. She sent this woman postcards during the trip.
That when I snapped(after her lying during couples counselling) and walked out on her and left the house (which I paid 100% of the rent on), that I'd told her to get her stuff out in 2 days. I'd in fact said a month or more was fine and she'd said she would do it over the weekend because the house had too many memories.
My ex-wife said in the middle of mediation that I'd arranged the mail so that she would get served with her divorce papers on her birthday. When I got home I checked the date and I'd in fact mailed her the papers 4 days after her birthday because I'd realised it wouldn't be nice to receive them then.
I still apologised on the day of financial mediation for that last one because it was months in the past and I didn't have the documents in front of me. She got 60% of the assets. I must say, she's either extremely delusional or a shrewd negotiator. My lawyer had said to me "Do you want this fair or do you want this fast? Because you can have either, but only one will get your closure quickly". I gave her the majority of my retirement savings after being married just 2 years plus one year seperation.
baby_bomb_squad · 2 points · Posted at 14:45:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Kid in my class said his uncle worked at Sony and he got PS3 beta version at his house but wouldn't let anyone see it or come over. This was in 2005 btw
GaryMutherFuckinOak · 2 points · Posted at 14:46:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
there was this guy at school (senior year, he was 19 I think) who always told the most ridiculous stories.
-he rode on the back of an ICE (high speed train) with inline skates (how is that even supposed to work?)
-he broke into an old chemical factory with his clique when they ran into a secret mafia lair (in fucking munich lol). his girlfriend got shot by the mafiosi and died in his arms
-one day he said that he was about to get 100k€ because he got hit by a Porsche on his way to school (looked perfectly normal though, didn't even come late)
-he had a brain tumor and lost his ability to feel pain (he might have regretted that one, but damn was he commited to it)
last time I met him he was working at a hardware shop after he got thrown out of the military because he always went on one-man missions as he wanted to save as many people as possible but his commander was a coward
DarthPowercord · 2 points · Posted at 14:51:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Someone I knew in middle school seemed pretty cool. We were pretty close, until around 10th grade, when I sat next to her in chemistry. She spent the whole class lying about this, lying about that; the most memorable was that her family was from Italy and she moved in 8th grade knowing no English (someone called her out because they were in elementary school with her and also her English was perfect)
But the damning moment was when a guy a year younger than us committed suicide. He was in ROTC, and was close to everyone in there. Well, she was (at one point) in ROTC, and was invited to his funeral out of goodwill. At the funeral, she got up and made a speech. During this speech, she cried and cried about him, saying "he was my boyfriend, and the love of my life!" About a week later, somebody kicked her ass for that lie, because you don't lie about the dead, man. That's the ultimate trashy.
She also spent all of high school crying about cutting herself, and she admitted to me in privacy that it was all for attention and she didn't mean it. Way to glorify mental illness brah
Carl_GordonJenkins · 2 points · Posted at 14:58:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had a former friend tell the story of an intimate moment with 2 ladies after a New Year's Eve concert. The only problem was that it happened to me. Dude didn't even wait until the night was over to start bragging. I had mutual friends telling me about it before I was even home the next day.
TwoPlusSave · 2 points · Posted at 15:06:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Fucking Jared. Some gems:
He'd regularly beat the shit out of his dad for minor trespasses like coming in his room or taking a tone with him.
He was a programming genius despite failing all his computer classes.
He was a karate master. What is it with compulsive liars and martial arts? This was later proved patently false when he got into a fight, took one clumsy swing, missed, and virtually exploded his fist against a stucco wall. Blood everywhere, fight over. Wore a cast for the rest of the semester. Later talked about breaking his arm from beating the shit out of the guy.
The best was he had a wife but she died in the 9/11 attacks. Jared was 17 tops when he told us this one. Meaning he was married sometime between 13 and 14 to be widowed in 2001.
Stood by every lie.
wuzart · 2 points · Posted at 15:10:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have a cousin who is an overall great guy, but is prone to exaggerating stories. The problem is, each time he tells the story, his embellishments get slightly more removed from reality until we have an outrageous lie on our hands. Even worse, he seems to have convinced himself of the latest version of each story and will go to blows defending them.
Once when we were kids, he got stung by a bee. Quickly realizing he was allergic (his arm blew up like a balloon in a Louisiana street hooker's mouth), his parents rushed him to the hospital. He was out of commission for a couple of days but when he returned, he insisted that the bee sting did 'weird' things to him. It started with a hypersensitivity to the presence of bees, and later he gained a very sensitive sense of smell. A few weeks later, he claimed to be able to see things in infrared, "just like bees do". By the time the lie was fully blown, he had claim to a "near flying, floating ability" that really helped his basketball game.
10 years later, he is still committed to this version of the events, albeit his downgrades his powers a bit. He is still terrible at basketball.
TL;DR: Cousin got stung by a bee, claims to be BEEMAN.
PoshSpiceBurger · 2 points · Posted at 15:14:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
God this guy I use to talk to in Boston was the biggest B/Ser ever. From his job "Oh I had to go stay down with this really rich family in Brazil to investigate one of their insurance claims" to how he was so good at Skiing "He had been picked for the American team for the Winter Olympics but couldn't cause he fell." Chris if you're reading this, you're insane.
ohreally7756 · 2 points · Posted at 15:21:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I met a guy in college who used to lie about friends that had died in his past for sympathy. None of them were real. He lied about going to class, about what drugs he was using, where he was going, etc. He stole my friends car once in the middle of the night and lost it (lol I know) and it took us over a week of driving around every day to find it even though he was in the car trying to help us and he knew where it was the whole time. Literally there are so many stories of this guy but that's enough for now.
DiscoHippo · 2 points · Posted at 15:26:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know a guy, calls himself Frisbee, claims he was abducted by aliens.
He said they had no concept of lying, so they thought he was the greatest human in the world from all the stories he told about himself. He claims they communicated telepathically and he defeated them with his harmonica.
Don't believe a word of it, obviously.
PM_ME_FOR_SMALLTALK · 2 points · Posted at 15:27:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There was his guy, let's call him Matt.
So Matt was obviously the richest most powerful person you ever met based off his stories. Want to join the army? Matt did in 6th grade because he was so strong(told us in 11th). Building a computer? He built a plasma super computer that's so powerful he cant play skyrim on it. Want to practice karate? Who the fuck do you think invented it? Matt.
So one day in computer class a friend is telling me about how he's going to only cut magic trees in runescape the next few levels in woodcutting so he can have more gp. Matt, only hearing part of the story says. "You never cut a tree before? Few weeks ago i cut a tree with a rusty dull axe. The tree was about 20 feet in diameter. We were going to use a chainsaw, but it broke the day before because it knew how dangerous this was."
But the story that takes the cake, was how he told us he is a wanted criminal in Europe but takes his private jet to Europe under the disguise as a prince, and that he'll be gone the next few weeks of school so he can try to become a king of Europe.
So he's actually out of school for about a week before another classmate finds out where Matt lives. In an apartment complex half a mile away from school. They found this out because Matt was outside on a trampoline. My friend Chris wanted to go see Matt just to point out he's a liar, I was invited to go but turned it down.
According to my friend, Matt's mom answered the door and Chris said he was worried because Matt hasn't been in school for a while . Matt's mom explained that she bought him a new 360 and he wanted to take time away to play it since he's an all A student. Chris just rolled with it and left.
Matt isn't an all A student, he was failing very badly. Chris confronted Matt about the 360 when Matt came back to school, and Matt claimed the yearly ball was canceled because the German Emperor was sick, and they gave him a 360 as a token of appreciation for marrying the princess.
LemonNinjaa · 2 points · Posted at 15:28:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was friends with this girl in elementary school, and it was around the time that the movie for Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets was being filmed.
She insisted that she was cast as Stephanie, Hermione's younger sister. My friend and I pointed out that Hermione doesn't have a sister in the books, and the girl insisted, "The role was written in for the movie, so I'm going to be in it."
We were still friends when the movie came out. I think she said that she couldn't take time away from school to film, so they took the Stephanie role back out of the movie.
BigBlueBox12 · 2 points · Posted at 15:29:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know an actual sociopath (diagnosed and confirmed). You can't believe a word out of her mouth. Even the little things are lies. She got found out at 24 when she had sex with a 15-year-old boy, so she said he raped her. She got caught messing around on her boyfriend awhile back and when he kicked her out she called someone to come pick her up. When they asked what happened, she said that he beat her up (not a mark on her, people). When she lost her children because she disappeared for a week and a half and was doing (and possibly selling) drugs, she adamantly denied doing drugs. When the drug test confirmed the presence of prescription medications and meth, she said someone must have "put it in her drink."
One by one they aren't all that outlandish. After about 10 years of knowing her, though, and knowing that EVERYTHING she says is a lie, her very existence becomes outlandish.
Wombchuck · 2 points · Posted at 15:34:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
As a compulsive liar, I support 100% of these claims to be true.
SqueezeTheShamansTit · 2 points · Posted at 15:34:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
During a corrections academy run by our local sheriffs department, we had a guy in there with an obvious screw loose. We kept trying to get the lieutenant to deal with him and do some serious background searches beyond what was already done.
My favorite two lies are the only two I really remember. We were standing around during a break smoking, before graduation. The kids last name is Williams. He started talking about his uncle Robin. Apparently Robin Williams was his uncle and he was trying to get him to come to the graduation but Uncle Robin could not make it due to being on vacation in Wisconsin. About 5 minutes later, someone mentioned England or kings and queens, and he pipes up with "My cousin is married to a princess in england" We all just stop and look to see what the fuck he is going to say about this. I go "Oh you mean Sarah" (I am clueless with english royalty, just said the first fucking name I could think of) "Yeah" He says. So your cousin is Prince Andrew"? "YES! he says, you know him?" poor kid was so delusional, he didn't even look the least bit concerned that he wouldn't be believed. It was pretty disturbing. It was my only experience with someone who had an obvious mental issue and was a complete pathological liar.
troll_is_obvious · 2 points · Posted at 15:37:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"God is real. I've witnessed miracles!"
bigtoffee · 2 points · Posted at 15:48:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A girl in my secondary school says she doesn't need to study for GCSEs because she's going to become a professional dancer. This is the same girl who says she had sex with Justin Bieber.
h1h2h3h4h5 · 2 points · Posted at 15:48:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I live in the UK, and some kid in my school told me he went to Australia for the weekend (flew on Saturday, got the plane back on Sunday).
Same kid also told us he'd been bowling for 24 years when we were only 8, and also told everyone that his mum had cancer. It wouldn't have been that bad if it weren't for the fact that my mum had died from cancer a few years earlier and the mother of another friend was being treated for cancer at that time.
MDS0414 · 2 points · Posted at 15:52:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I met a dude who told me over a 2-week span that he had half-ownership of a pizzeria, a head shop, was a 9-ball championship player, dominated softball, was a member of the #1 Call of Duty team in America, and had three Purple Hearts after being one of the first four soldiers to enter Iraq prior to the Iraqi War. I knew he was full of shit, but he confirmed it when he said he was a sniper. What kind of sniper gets hurt three times? Anyway, nothing he said was true.
Sooooomuchbutthurt · 1 points · Posted at 16:56:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Shut up and post pictures of chester!
MDS0414 · 1 points · Posted at 18:31:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
wtf wtf wtf.
Alexstarfire · 1 points · Posted at 21:03:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Has anyone ever even been given 3 Purple Hearts?
Polominty · 2 points · Posted at 15:53:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
We had George at school.
George was clearly battling with being gay in a small countryside town and decided his way to cope was to make up fantastic stories.
George flew to NYC, George reached for the same bag as Paris Hilton and she took him to a party. George met the Olsen twins and became their friends.
All fine. All harmless....until George had a particularly bad day.
George was crying about something teenage- esque (maybe someone laughed at his emo fringe, I don't know) and when pressed about it, George told us that his mother had DIED that morning from cancer. God, it was awful- poor George. Everyone rallied around him.
Until the end of the day when his mum picked him up from school. Huh.
xRyuuji7 · 2 points · Posted at 16:00:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So, in college, I took Japanese Language studies for a few years. Around our third year, the class size had dwindled to a handful of students.
There was this one Russian kid, whose name I can't remember, who always had some grand story to tell.
From the time he'd murdered a man, to how he was the heir to the Russian Mafia. He was also highly trained in just about every from of weapon-based combat. He could focus his chi and punch you with it from 8 ft away. He was constantly tired from his all-nighters drinking with the mafia and playing Russian Roulette.
The poor professor, some 5'2" old Japanese lady, was always so afraid to call on him in class, because he would derail any and all conversation for a good 10 minutes.
She even asked me and my friend to walk with her after class to her car, because he followed her (seemingly harmlessly) all the way into the parking lot while telling her a story about his weapon training.
Dude was straight mental, but that didn't really stop anyone from giving him a VERY wide berth. We would always roll our eyes, but he was just creepy enough that nobody wanted to call him out on his bluff.
Ted_Denslow · 2 points · Posted at 16:00:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've got a customer who I and my dad have done a lot of work for over the years. He got to be friends with my dad, and he is one of the worst. He's seemingly indestructible. He has:
- Fought off a pack of wolves
- Jumped out of an airplane and had his chute not open. ("That was the third time the doctors told me I'd never walk again...")
- Had MANY threesomes with gorgeous women, despite being a homely, overweight, middle-aged ginger.
- Waged a one-man war against a 1% biker gang.
- Was nearly paralyzed in a skiing accident. The doctors claimed his survival was "nothing short of a miracle".
wrestlechick · 2 points · Posted at 16:08:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I let the best friend I had back in the 7th grade borrow a snap on HIM bracelet to wear.He kept it a very long time, he finally brought it back to school, and he told me he found it on a log floating in the river. Heading toward Nashville. We live 4 hours away from Nashville.
CircumcisionKnife · 2 points · Posted at 16:08:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A few years ago, when we were still in high school, our entire school district's net work went down. He claimed to have been part of the team of hackers that took it down.
These days, whenever anyone I know sees him, he seems to have a different job, such as
Working at the courts writing warrants with a six-digit salary.
Having offers from both Boeing and Airbus.
Something to do with the military. We're not even sure he'll be able to pass any psych exams for the military.
slow70 · 2 points · Posted at 16:08:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This guy got worse and worse over the years....
In high school he lied about meeting random girls on the weekend. Of course we never saw any of them.
Fast forward a little over a year and he (D) along with myself and another friend (G) had all joined the Army. We came from an Army town, Fort Bragg, and all three of us came back there. D was in the National Guard and G was training to become a Green Beret, an honor he later earned.
I come home after training which was a little over a year long for my job, and mutual friends ask me if I had seen him. 'He just got back from Afghanistan - he was deployed with 7th Special Forces Group' I hear.
Woah, ok. I meet him and he doesn't even try to hide it his lie. Says he went on with it to impress people. A few months later, he asks if he can swing by my place and when he does, he shows up wearing the maroon beret of the airborne, jump wings and an 82nd Airborne patch on his shoulder.
Now, I was actually in the 82nd. I knew this was fucked, yet he went on to tell me he was 'temporarily assigned to the 82nd while he went to physical therapy for a back injury he got in basic training.'
So here he is, boldly lying to someone in the unit he's trying to claim, who knows he hasn't earned those wings and knows that isn't how medical appointments work. I shrug it off and go another several months without seeing him.
Next time G and I both hear from him. He wants to meet up, saying he has big news. We meet for drinks and he tells us he's has a daughter. He shows us a few pictures on MySpace and saps on for a bit. We ask about the Mom, her last name, he doesn't know it. So he doesn't know his daughters full name. He wasn't in the hospital either. Ok dude. We find this girls page on MySpace, it's someone states away that he doesn't even know.
Once again, G and I roll out eyes and move on with our lives without the guy.
Two years later and all three of us have Iraq deployments under our belt. G and I in Northern Iraq working within the SOF community and D all the way South in Basra.
Basra at this point was very calm, up north the same couldn't be said. So imagine our surprise when D starts telling us about laying out on an Observation Post dueling with an enemy sniper. We know he was a freaking mechanic working in some motor pool the whole time. Even so, he pushes all this bullshit about combat to one stone cold killer and one who spent his deployment working with them. It was flat out disgusting and G was getting closer and closer to snapping on the guy. We let him talk himself in circles though, he knew we weren't buying it and he knew he had offended, but he kept trying, kept digging.
That might have been 2009. We haven't talked to him since.
He's probably at some VFW now spewing his nonsense.
mglitcher · 2 points · Posted at 16:09:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend always acts like he knows certain video games (mostly csgo) and will describe a story that couldn't happen in the game (like a guy going prone)
RedditsInBed2 · 2 points · Posted at 16:13:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My ex fiance was a compulsive liar, when I broke up with him I asked him outright why he felt the need to lie and tell these over the top stories all the time. He acknowledged that he did it but didn't know why. Anyway! The most absurd lie he told!
One day while he was hanging out with our circle of friends while I was at work he told everyone he met a guy while out racing in the river bottom who was a famous bike builder, he was so impressed with my ex that he called him up one night to test out the guys bikes. The rich bike builder sent out a helicopter to pick my ex up and fly him out to the location, he tested the bikes and the helicopter flew him back home, all of this while I was asleep and didn't hear the helicopter. I sleep like a rock but I'm pretty sure I'd wake up for a helicopter landing in the back field. Our friends didn't believe it and tried to catch him in the lie, they were out in the river bottom too, why didn't they ever see this rich bike builder? Who was he? What was his company's name? How come RedditsInBed2 doesn't know about this? Why didn't you tell her? Why wasn't she allowed to come along? Why doesn't she know anything about this guy? Why didn't the helicopter wake her up? He just kept on building the lie with absurd answers.
I had no clue about this until after we seperated and I was hanging out with those friends one night. They asked me if any of it was true, I laughed my ass off, no, absolutely not. Definitely one of the more interesting lies he had ever told.
shut-up-dana · 2 points · Posted at 16:16:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My college roommate was a dangerous combination of stupid and narcissistic, he had a lot of ludicrous, obviously-terrible ideas. My favourite story of his was 'a guy tried to mug me once, so I beat him up, carved my initials into the back of his hand, and mugged him back'. Suuuure you did.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 16:19:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had a friend in high school that had a habit of making people up. She had a "brother" who was in the army and she would make up dramatic, heartbreaking stories about him. Something always seemed to happen to him, like he got into a few car accidents, or hiked up mountain and broke his back somehow, to name a few. Keep in mind I was a close friend, I've met her family and been in her home. Never seen any trace of this guy, no pictures or anything. She only ever seemed to mention him when another incident occured, likely to get attention from all the pain she was going through when her imaginary brother was in the hospital.
gunitfreestyle · 2 points · Posted at 16:19:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is all the same person: *Played for the Denver Bronco's *Tackled a Deer *Secret Service agent for Obama
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 16:19:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He had beaten Dark Souls, but he had NO IDEA what Anor Londo was.
Graysonburrow · 2 points · Posted at 16:30:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend once told me he slashed a girl's car tires with his car keys after she stole "his parking spot." He drives a push to start car.
Rabidredhead · 2 points · Posted at 16:33:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dropped off her son with his father and myself at a young age - claiming that she was having a radical hysterectomy and lymphadenectomy with accompanying radiation and chemo due to advanced cervical cancer. Did not want the child to see her suffering and sick. Subsequently posted selfies in bed with new boyfriend to flickr, had another child a few years later.
ericfledderman · 2 points · Posted at 16:34:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I used to work with this guy who would always tell the craziest stories that just didn't add up. For instance his stories of Desert Storm. He would have been about 7 years old.
One story he told was about someone breaking into his house one night and how he stabbed the intruder several times and then held him down while the cops got there. When his wife came in to take him to lunch someone mentioned the intrusion to her and his eyes got real big and as explained that she had no idea that that had happened.
But here's my favorite of his stories. "Man you wouldn't believe what happened last night. I got home from work and as I was about to walk in the door, my neighbors house exploded."
"Like exploded how?"
"Like it exploded man. It took my car out and everything. You think you could give me a ride home after work today."
"Sure man."
So when I drop him off I'm like "So which house was it man?" He says "what? Ugh, oh. Nah man that was a day's ago they got it all fixed up now."
Turns out his wife had just left him and took the car. No idea where the explosion story derived from.
aga1996 · 2 points · Posted at 16:35:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This girl I was friends with in middle school told me that the mother she was living with wasn't her real mom, but a foster mom she was placed with since her real mother died in child birth. When asked why she doesn't live with her dad, it was because her dad had a car dropped on his head in the war in Iraq and couldn't keep her. The problem was that her mother was best friends with another girl in our friends groups mom...so the whole story was fake.
A few years later she had said she was going to move with her dad. But again when confronted a week later by someone saying that her dad wasn't supposed to have her, she made up this CRAZY story about her stepmom tried to kill her and her dad and then ran away from the cops and wasn't caught so she couldn't move with her dad but they might both have to go into witness protection (which never happened).
That girl was nuts.
PablolyonsD · 2 points · Posted at 16:41:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Classmate stole my friend's notes and scanned them or someshit, they were EXACTLY the same as my friend's; when confronted about it insisted that my friend's computer had been hacked and his notes were online, when asked for proof the link from the interwebz had misteriously disappeared... Fuck liars.
Miztahfrawg · 2 points · Posted at 16:45:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He told me that if I shoot every credit in the 1p mode of Super Smash Bros Melee that I could unlock Toad. He claimed to have done it before and when we confronted him about it he was all like "Ooooh my file got deleted hurp durp"
We no longer socialize.
nickiter · 2 points · Posted at 16:45:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've known two in my life, one in high school and one in college. High school liar was diagnosed, college liar wasn't. The one with a diagnosis was much better at it - his stories were almost believable... Even knowing he was a compulsive liar, I often found myself going "...maybe this one is real?" Some of his stories included:
His parents' (high end) neighborhood had tire spikes that came up at night and lowered when a sensor detected a radio tag on residents' cars - I actually checked this one, because it seemed just believable
Claimed that he was afraid of snakes because he'd fallen into a snake exhibit at a zoo as a child
Claimed that his father had bought him an M3 and constantly came up with reasons why he wasn't driving it that day - it was in the shop, or his dad was borrowing it, etc. His parents were rich enough that it was plausible; he actually did drive a Land Rover hand-me-down from his dad. Never saw the M3 in years knowing him.
Claimed that his uncle molested him and turned him gay, but he "got better" before high school by basically trying really hard to stop being gay. I think he was actually gay, which naturally isn't a super easy thing to be in high school, so it makes sense that he'd want to lie about this somehow, but I also think the uncle wasn't real, let alone the molestation story.
The second compulsive liar I knew was a girl, not diagnosed, who I was friends with for a long time before gradually realizing that I was quite literally putting myself at risk by being friends with her. In roughly chronological order, her lies included:
That she and I were dating; we had eaten dinner in our college cafeteria together a couple of times, after which she began to tell a lot of people that we were together. I actually did have a bit of a crush on her, but that behavior scared me off.
Related, that I had dumped her after I denied being her boyfriend to a few people who asked me about it. What I was telling people was that I kind of liked her, but I'd only spent time with her a few times so it was far from a relationship. She spun this into me making her a lot of promises and saying a lot of things that were flatly untrue. 99% of this happened outside my point of view; she pretended like nothing was going on until I asked her about it, then got very defensive, accused me of being a liar, emotional abuse, etc.
She became obsessed with the idea of being sexually assaulted after a friend of hers was actually sexually assaulted, and started putting herself in situations where it might happen - getting drunk, hitting on random people, etc, then dropping hints later implying that someone had taken advantage of her. She'd never come out and say it, but she caused a constant shitstorm of rumors and suspicion.
Claiming that some guy had slept with her and then acted callous toward her the next day, or lied about her, or etc. A lot of the stories were fishy or didn't line up with where people actually were at the time she claimed something happened, but we were all drinking a lot at the time, so her credibility never quite got low enough for people to stop believing her.
If someone did something she didn't like, she'd lie about them to try and hurt them. In my case, I told her she needed to leave a party of mine because she'd had way too much to drink and was doing things that were putting her at risk, so she told a female friend of mine that I had been going around claiming that I'd made out with said female friend, effectively ending that friendship. She did the same sort of thing to several people, and there were always enough people ready to believe her - or at least unwilling to accept that anyone would commit so seriously to a total lie - that she got away with a lot.
Tron_Kitten · 2 points · Posted at 16:48:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
My buddy told me he got into a fight with someone who he's hated for years, got pushed into a bush where he found a pair of brass knuckles, and proceeded to beat the crap out the other guy.
I knew the other guy and he never had any signs of being in a fight with someone with brass knuckles, and why would they be in a random bush.
Madwheels96 · 2 points · Posted at 16:48:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have a bf
Coffeybeanz · 2 points · Posted at 16:49:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Just got told yesterday that he had a friend do a meat lovers challenge and eat a whole Lazy Moon pizza with 3 inches of meat toppings on it. To my knowledge this doesn't exist, not does anyone who can eat that much pizza without exploding.
My fellow Central Floridian understand.
His lies greatly disrespected Lazy Moon and our love for their pizza.
fire_i · 2 points · Posted at 16:49:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
So this concerns someone whose stories were by no means as bad as those you find in the rest of the thread. Still, he did this one thing I and many of my friends found so utterly brazen, we still talk about it to this day.
There is this one guy I'd known since high school - cool dude, we sat next to each other in grade 11 physics class (grade 11 being the last year of high school where I live) and got along well. Soon enough, he started hanging around my "main" group of friends somewhat regularly between classes. I'll call him J.
Turns out most of my friends from high school, including J, ended up going to the same college. A fair amount of people from the same school also ended up going to the same place, but our social group was the largest one to make it through mostly "unbroken". As a result, a lot of people who went to the same high school as us, but whom we didn't know so well before, ended up joining us in social circles, bonding over our shared past. Soon enough, our "group" was large enough that we numbered in the high-20's. There'd always be at least a handful of us sitting at this one table in the cafeteria, and we all started spending considerable amounts of time just hanging around the place.
This is when we started to notice something odd about J. He had always been pretty boastful, but it didn't seem too weird when it was just he and our small group of friends. Sure, he'd always have slightly better grades, watch all the shows, beat the games faster than anyone else, go out with the best girl, have the best summer plans. But we were all a bunch of nerd kids... maybe he was just a better nerd kid. That happens.
But in college, as we sat at The Table, it quickly became apparent that J's one-up stories couldn't all be true. We all went to our own different classes, our group now contained people with vastly different interests and lifestyles, and yet it seemed J continuously did what every single other person ever did - but better somehow. He pretended to understand everyone's subject matters better than they did, and his life outside college was apparently an endless series of outstanding events. We caught on in no time, but sort of tolerated his BS since, really, he was a nice guy.
But over time, he got bolder in having to be best at everything. If someone came to college wearing a tie, he'd wear a suit the next day. If someone complained they slept poorly last night, then you can be sure he had pulled an all-nighter. If someone got drunk last weekend, he had gotten drunker. And if someone has a new girlfriend, just wait 'til you see his - but she's busy, so no she can't be around.
We started to get tired of his constant need to be in the spotlight, to be number 1. But we all coped with it - it all was just words, after all. Until the pencil box incident.
In my early college days, I picked up drawing and started doodling regularly at The Table. Just a pastime. At some point, I bought myself a nice little box of 8 graphite pencils - you know, the kind with different hardness. Nothing fancy: just the basics.
That day, The Table was brimming with people. I was happily doodling away, and J sat down in front of me.
"Whatcha' doing there, fire_i?"
"Hi J. Oh, you know, just doodling away."
"You know, I used to draw too. I was a really talented expressionist. I stopped to focus on my studies, but I'd like to pick it up again."
"Hmm, sure, J."
At which point J fell oddly silent. He stared at me for a moment. I could almost see the gears turning in his head, the intense internal debate raging. Finally, he silently got up and left. I found that a little odd, but whatever. Some other people noticed he looked flustered, but didn't comment on it beyond that.
We all stuck around for a while longer, just doing our usual bantering or playing card games, having good ol' Table fun. After about a half hour, J came back... carrying with him the most ridiculously oversized, expensive box of high grade art supplies I've ever seen. It was any poor college art student's dream supply box, complete with all the most obscure, specialized drawing tools. Need I mention J was a physics student who had never expressed any kind of artistic inclination beforehand?
He sat down before us and started wildly scratching away at lined paper with a random pencil of his choosing as The Table collective slowly fell into a stunned silence.
We watched him furiously hacking away at his paper like a madman in a horror movie. After a minute of side glances and did he really just's, he looks up, shoves his "drawing" forward with a genuine look of delight on his face, and proudly proclaims he's done.
It's just random scribbles.
He then gets up, packs his $160 pencil set (which we'd never see again) and leaves. You see, our college had an arts program, so the in-campus store was pretty stocked with arts supplies. And that day, J suddenly decided he needed to back up his words. As you might expect, his "drawings" never came up again.
Soon enough, many people graduated and "The Table" dissolved. J vanished into the urban jungle and I've lost contact with him.
I raise my glass to you, J. You didn't tell us of hypno-dog fighting rings or supersoldier alien semen, but would those other guys actually physically try to prove their bullshit, spending $160 for no reason in the process? You bet they wouldn't. You had the guts to follow up your lies. That's commitment.
CrazyKirby97 · 2 points · Posted at 16:49:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a guy who supposedly had this absurdly successful YouTube/Machinima career. This was back in 7th/8th grade, and I had a YT channel with ~300 subs that I was really proud of. He tries to one-up me by saying such gems as:
He had a world record speedrun of Portal 2.
He'd collaborated with a lot of popular Machinima channels.
When I asked his channel name, he told me it was Ssundee.
Using a voice changer, he sung parts of BrySi's songs.
MrStarfox64 · 2 points · Posted at 16:49:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a guy in high school that swore he was getting an apartment with "the Russians." Not some Russians, it was THE Russians, according to him. He later claimed they then had gotten angry with him and chased he and his friends down the interstate at 120 MPH with a huge spotlight trained on their car.
Same guy also claimed he had bought a katana from his uncle, and then later murdered his uncle with said sword because he owed him a large amount of money for the sword.
Whatever you say, Zac.
ComoSeAlpaca · 2 points · Posted at 16:51:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That while he was in the woods (by himself lol) he ran into a bear and wrestled him to the ground. He then proceeded to shoot him and keep his fur. I've never been to his house because I avoid his existence altogether, but seriously?
ans933 · 2 points · Posted at 16:56:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My sister is a compulsive liar, but often about stupid, small things that you can easily verify. My favorite was when she was staying with my mom the summer after freshman year at college - she complained that my mom was keeping the house too hot and had put a lockbox over the thermostat. I thought that was a little funny/crazy of my mom and called her out on it - apparently there was no lockbox. Why lie about something so dumb?
On a more annoying note - she likes to take stories in which she threw a tantrum or overreacted to something, but then say it was someone else. So she's aware that she was the ridiculous one in this story and wanted to tell the story, but just changed the main character. Unfortunately, a lot of these tantrums are a bit legendary and we all know who starred in them originally. Silly.
tossadogmyway · 2 points · Posted at 16:56:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend who sprouted B.S. for a past time to make himself look good. It never worked.
He once told me a story that could have been believable had he ended it with his first few sentences.
Story: His dad (whom he never knew or met, incidentally) was abusive and a serious drug user, and had hit his mother several time when not busy getting higher than the clouds. Now he decided that enough was enough, so he took his bicycle and rode to the police station to report this abusive, druggie father.
I could've believed the story if it had ended there. It didn't.
So then once he reports his Kite-flying high father, he led the police to his house. On his bicycle. Yeah... no.
Then once the police had arrived at his home, the had offered him a bullet-proof vest (He didn't even know what Kevlar was) and a gun. Yeaaaahh Riiight... and he said (get this) no thanks. Yep, just like a scrub- erm I mean boss.
The the police raided the house, non-fatally shot daddy and arrested him for domestic violence, possession of illegal drugs and finally assault with a deadly weapon.
He could really spin a tale. Too bad he could never make a believable one.
CoDent · 2 points · Posted at 16:56:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This kid Brendan stole my friends PSP back when it was still relevant. He denied it and said he bought it off someone for $40. Eventually, shortly after a camping trip we all took, he said he felt bad that my friend lost his PSP and that he could have the PSP that he recently "bought for $40". One of many lies, but one that me and my friend still talk about to this day.
MountainFizz · 2 points · Posted at 16:56:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend once swore on his grandmother's grave that he has gone into the locker room to get a cleat signed by a famous soccer player. About a week later on his eBay app I saw "signed cleat" in his bought tab, and it was the same one.
HypnoticHD · 2 points · Posted at 16:59:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend in high school. In about year 7, he was adamant that he was once on a road trip with his parents and that he fell out the car, off a cliff, fell into the sea and got squirted out of a whale, landed back in the car with fish and chips in his hands. Needless to say he got bullied for the rest of the year. He now lies about how many drugs he takes/sells
thatguywiththecamry · 2 points · Posted at 17:00:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My brother used to have compulsive tendencies. When hanging out with friends, he used to answer his phone, go outside, and come back in to say that he had to leave. In reality, there never was anyone on the other end of those phone calls. After a handful of times, he was eventually called out.
DocOcarina · 2 points · Posted at 17:03:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had a neighbor that told me he:
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 17:11:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Helping out at a homeless shelter and talking to one of the women there. She had this bracelet with tons of charms on it and stuff so I asked if they had any meaning. Apparently she was related to every royal family alive and all the charms were given to her by kings and queens and princes and princesses. She named all these names of people she's related to so eventually I asked "Do you know other volunteer I came with?" "Yes of course, he's my second cousin."
Hunny_Bunny20 · 2 points · Posted at 17:14:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There was a girl a year younger than me in high school. She told me she had some kind of cancer so she will die in a year. She apparently had a boyfriend that died and she found out that she is carrying his baby. (This guy looked well into college, he unfortunately did die but facebook told us that. He also was way out of her league) She then got so drunk one night that she miscarried her baby. I didn't believe in any of it.
I ended up seeing her over a year later when I went to visit some teachers at my high school. She looked the same and shocked to see me.
CeciNestEpiphany · 2 points · Posted at 17:15:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dated a guy who claimed he was Jewish. Went to his parent's house, there were crosses everywhere...I thought, maybe they're some of those Jews For Jesus I've heard about...no, turns out he just thought being Jewish would impress me
Mrthechipster · 2 points · Posted at 17:18:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He died for an hour, got accused of rape but then was found not guilty in court, even though he had been with us that whole day, Tore his ACL when 12 at the United States soccer championships for youth, Got type 2 diabeteus, which then turned into type 1, yes he said he got both
Lost_Afropick · 2 points · Posted at 17:22:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Back when I was a bouncer one of my fellow doorman was a compulsive liar. Not lying to get out of trouble or whatever. Just lying because. To pass the time, to impress for god knows why. He just lied a lot.
Usually lurid tales about the scores of women he'd shagged, or capers he got into... these were at least entertaining when you're stuck outside in the cold looking at a queue while people are raving. If he had a bruise, it's not because he walked into a door or banged his hand doing DIY or slammed a car or something like normal people. Oh no. His bruises were always the result of "some cunt who started it and I ad to deck 'im innit". Ooooo kay then.
Anyway... One of his best was that he was a soldier in the Falklands war. Fair enough, he HAD at least been in the military. I know that because another bouncer who once worked with us mentioned it. But this was ridiculous because... I would have been like 2 years old at the time of that war and he was only 5 or 6 years older than me so... unless Britain had a very secret kiddie soldier program he was talking absolute bollocks. This was a lie that went on and on and grew in the detail. He saw the Belgrano sink, he used to watch the sea Harriers take off and he was in goodness knows how many firefights. Oh and Northern Ireland too. During the worst of the troubles appparently. He made Northern fucking Ireland sound like Raqqa in 2015 or Falujah in the 2000s. Behave you goose.
He never got outed or confronted on it, we all just laughed behind his back which is kinda sad in a way. He wasn't a bad guy, I just don't know why he always had to tell lies like that.
dramboxf · 2 points · Posted at 17:25:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Randy. Randy shows up for his first day of work and the HR manager is showing him around. I'm the IT manager. Randy is dressed in jeans, sneakers and a gray ARMY PT shirt.
"What did you do in the Army?" I ask.
"I was Special Forces," he says. (This is before 9/11, btw.)
Randy is about 5'9" and weighs about a buck twenty. He's a beanpole.
"What was your MOS?" I asked. There's no 18 in his MOS. He gave like 25N or 25F. (Computers). He looked VERY surprised when I asked his MOS.
I kept gently pressing, and he kept walking his story back. It went from "I was Special Forces" to "I was with Special Forces" to "I was assigned to a SF unit"...all the way back to he wasn't even Airborne but a leg assigned to XVIII Airborne Corps HQ as a computer geek. (Nothing wrong with that.)
So I let him go on his way. Turns out he told almost everyone in the company that asked that story about being SF. I was vaguely aware of the concept of Stolen Valor (he didn't claim any medals or anything, but still...) and then the lies started piling on.
About how he knew 25 different computer languages fluently. This from the guy who didn't know how use Excel. At all. Like didn't know how to sum a column of numbers.
About how he was the "personal IT guy" to the Commander of XVIII Airborne Corps. (The Corps is commanded by a 3-star general. Randy got out of the Army as an E-4.)
Then the real BS started after 9/11. Randy's job with the company was as a stockroom clerk. Every quarter or so he'd have to work a weekend taking inventory of the entire stockroom. It was a boring, lengthy job. Would take about 16 hours over a weekend. But he started getting called away on these "missions" for the Army. He'd have to fly to Afghanistan or Iraq on Friday night, complete the "mission" and would be back in CA by Monday morning. All very top secret, very classified, very hush, hush.
I used to call him "Eye Roll" to the rest of the guys in my department. Every time he opened his mouth to talk about himself I'd end up rolling my eyes.
Pnug19 · 2 points · Posted at 17:29:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy I knew in college would tell the most ridiculous stories he swears by. From threatening door to door salesmen with a crossbow to having a brother become psychic with hospital grade cocaine...
This one was a favorite of our group of friends. One day this guy was at the beach on a family vacation minding his own business. When all of the sudden his mother screams and there he notices a shark on her lap.
He goes into action by grabbing the shark by the tail and spins it one or twice before throwing it further into the ocean and saving his mom. Soon after he throws the shark a game warden on the beach runs as fast as they can to him. When the warden reaches his he says to the hero.
"I saw you messing with that animal. That's a warning, don't do it again, or you will be fined."
We sit there in awe of this story. He presumes it is about his bravery, when in fact we are stunned that he expects us to take it seriously.
x3iv130f · 2 points · Posted at 17:33:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Was talking cars with a friend of a friend to be polite when he shared this one:
He told me his Honda Civic could outrun a Bugatti Veyron.
His reasoning? The Bugatti Veyron has four turbochargers obviously meaning it has 4x the turbo lag.
TheRickSanchez · 2 points · Posted at 17:33:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He constantly feels the need to lie about girls. Went even so far as to find a picture on Google to send me. I found the picture a few months later by accident.
Jill-Sanwich · 2 points · Posted at 17:36:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had a friend who destroyed her relationship because she let her boyfriend and a few close friends in on the secret that she was part of a secret society of humans who were spiritually wolves and could morph into wolves when they learned to harness their power. She was going through a really rough time in her life and had used bullshitting as a way to escape reality since I'd known her. As her friend I helped her through it but I don't blame the boyfriend for jumping ship. Four years later they actually ended up getting back together, so I guess it worked out. Although she went from admitting it was complete BS to, these days, claiming that it wasn't technically a lie because she believed it was real at the time. Her boyfriend buys it, and I don't hang around her anymore, so I guess that's none of my business.
thatsnotchocolatebro · 2 points · Posted at 17:39:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Roomate decided to spend his entire check on 3ds games. When we asked him for rent he went out to get the money, but happened to get robbed at the atm. They took his wallet and bike. Found his wallet in the trash later that day and he sold his bike to someone in the apts.
Thats just one of the many things hes lied about including sleeping with his uncle (by marraige) then telling his aunt and she was totally cool with it. He would steal my dirty underwear on the daily, bring homeless guys home trying to feed and fuck them. He was definitely unstable.
bearybrown · 2 points · Posted at 07:00:40 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
there is so many questions in my mind right now...
thatsnotchocolatebro · 1 points · Posted at 16:56:13 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ask away I'm an open book
bearybrown · 1 points · Posted at 18:38:12 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
after he was being robbed, did he manage to keep his id, atm card or license?
by this point i can assume he is gay, so my question is why sleeping with his uncle?
what was he doing with your dirty underwear anyway?
why he tried to FF hobos? why not just go to a bar and pick someone up?
thatsnotchocolatebro · 2 points · Posted at 18:56:56 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
His id and atm card were in the trash although he did order New copies for both. Besides that hes the type of person to over react to everything so when he came home and casually said " oh yeah , i was just robbed. He hit me over the head and i blacked out" there was no injury, supreme lack of concern of a concussion, and basically not upset at all.
He had gone home over christmas break to spend time with his family. This is is aunts husbamd so no blood relation. Anyways him and the uncle are up late one night talking and one thing led to another. Afterwards he told me he confronted his aunt about it before she found out and they had a nice talk and basically she is ok with it. Before this he would go on and on about the reason hes where hes at in life now is because of his religious homophobic family
I honestly have no fucking clue. It still haunts my dreams.
Aparently they were guys he knew from school who ended up making some bad choices and ended up on the streets. He was previously "homeless" becaboue of said family. Im guessing he could sense our growing hostility towards him and decided to reconnext with his homeless buddies before we threw him out
On top of that random shit would come up missing. Weed, food, clothes, hygiene stuff like shampoo, dishes.
Edit: we never confronted him abot anything because of either lack of proof or it just wasnt our concern or worth the trouble. (Like why do we care if you lie about fucking your uncle?) he was admittedly unstable and we didnt want to provoke violence. Since he wasnt on the lease we just told him the manager knew he was there and wanted him gone
bearybrown · 2 points · Posted at 19:03:42 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
i can feel the bullshits you've been through just by reading it. hopefully you are not roomies with him anymore.
thatsnotchocolatebro · 2 points · Posted at 19:39:06 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Everythings great now! I own my own house, no more roomies for me. And none of us have had contact with him since. We parted on goodish terms with him but hes never bothered to call or text. I really should upload some of his facebook posts to cringe or that happened. Its pretty hilarious from the outside looking in.
Timmayyyyyyy · 2 points · Posted at 17:41:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
There was this girl I went to high school with, we'll call her Alex.
Alex had a lie going that she had just recently moved from Australia, and she had this awful accent that faded in and out. Turns out she actually went to elementary school in the states, and was in the same second grade class as many of our classmates until she transferred to a private school. She worked for the CIA as a secret agent, protecting a guy she was interested in from being assassinated, and was currently undercover, owned her own apartment and below her apartment she owned a nightclub/strip club and she was able to get all of the profits from all of the drugs going in and out of her club. She also saw many ghosts, and was constantly pestered by and mothering a ghost child.
I stopped believing her stories right away my freshmen year when she was crying one day in class, I asked her what was wrong after school, and she proceeded to tell me something had happened with her boyfriend. "Oh God, here we go." I thought, but she seemed nice and I didn't mind listening so I asked what happened. She told me that her boyfriend kissed her, and then drank some poison and died in her arms. I decided that everything she said from there on out should be taken with a grain of salt.
IisusBeat · 2 points · Posted at 17:42:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
We were drinking in a bar and talking about them "energetical vampires". People who suck the energy out of you, or something. One guy tells the following story: "This is nothing. I once met with a "real" vampire, a dude who claimed he drinks blood and whatever. It was a fucking liar, so to prove it we all went to the local morgue and stole a human liver from there, returned home, put it in the blender, and then I gave it to him and said: "DRINK IT!!!". Of course that he began to back down. Fucking liar".
You...broke into a morgue? And...stole a human liver? And then...put the liver in the family blender?
pounces · 2 points · Posted at 17:47:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a compulsive liar in high school. I don't know why he kept lying because he was under interrogation all the time - anytime he'd come up with a lie. He showed up to class acting exaggeratedly nervous one day and of course we asked what's up. He was like "I can't say anything but some serious shit's about to go down" and he insinuated it was some sort of mafia type shit. What kind of mafia shit can a 16 y/o get themselves into? The next day, he showed up inexplicably wearing a suit. Why was he wearing a suit? He had a serious meeting where the shit was about to go down. He told us he once made a short film and it won a film festival award. We asked if we could see it and of course he didn't have a copy of it anywhere anymore. He would mention stuff about his "girlfriend" that no one had ever met. One day he showed up to class with a shoelace around his wrist. He was asked why he was wearing a shoelace around his wrist and he made up some story about his girlfriend being sick with cancer and she asked him to wear this bracelet until she died. I think we always knew he was lying but the last one where he killed off his "girlfriend" was the point where he had to have known that we knew he was lying. The semester changed and I never talked to him again until our Grad dinner, where some "serious shit" did go down. He was busted for having a shit ton of liquor in his limo.
gogolmogol · 2 points · Posted at 17:48:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This dude that I knew in college. He was pledging my fraternity, but couldn't get in right away because we had minimum GPA standards. Suddenly he got good grades and we let him in (relevant to story).
Anyways, he'd always have some over the top stories to tell. It would always be like: so I was at the club, and starting to dance with this hot chick, we started making out, got super wasted, took some ecstacy, danced some more, she gave me a bj in the bathroom, then ended up at her place, fucked, etc. And it would keep getting more and more ridiculous as the story kept going. We might have believed him if he wasn't some skinny nerdy Indian dude with a stutter. We may have also believed him if it happened like once, but not every weekend.
Anyways, semester after I graduated, I come to find that he got busted in a cheating ring on campus. Him and two other students got busted breaking into professors offices at night, replacing their keyboards with ones that remember keystrokes, guessing professors passwords based on that, and changing their grades. The kid got 3 years probation, lost all his credits, and got kicked out, but he was merely the lookout. One of the other guys got 4 years in prison and lost his position in a master's program at Boston University. The last guy was back in his home country of Japan by the time the plot was found out, so I think he got off Scott free.
Definitely explained how his grades improved so quickly and that he was in fact full of shit, and it wasn't just suspicion.
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 01:33:33 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He got four years in prison for breaking into someones office and replacing their keyboard with "ones that remembers keystrokes"? Okay.
gogolmogol · 1 points · Posted at 02:37:22 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yes, breaking and entering, hacking, and damaging government property (both felonies). It happened over two years. Furthermore, destruction of evidence. I have the link below for the news, I might not remember all the charges.
http://www.usatoday.com/story/tech/2013/06/14/purdue-university-grade-hacking/2423863/
whiteflame1 · 2 points · Posted at 17:49:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy in my welding g school in Alberta told me he was in the Russian special forces and snuk into north Korea for fun.... he said he was a freelance welder with the skill of a journeyman who just never went to school.... long story short when it came to welding he was the worst In class.. didn't even have his shielding gas turned on for the firstly few days of wire feed welding and didn't no why his welds looked like throw up. .. he never even finished the course
thirty7inarow · 2 points · Posted at 17:50:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A girl I know, who I met at a mutual friend's birthday party, once told everyone that she was a trust fund kid but that she was just waiting until she was old enough to collect. She was hoping people would buy her shit with the expectation that one day she'd be rich and do them a solid.
This girl, to put it mildly, is the whitest of all white trash. I once went to her family's house, and the only horizontal surface that wasn't covered with assorted garbage was the small square on her coffee table where her bong was sitting.
Trust fund.
paulvs88 · 2 points · Posted at 17:51:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I used to work with a guy named Bill. My best friend also worked at this company. Bill had a story about EVERYTHING that was brought up. A true Topper. So one day me and my friend wanted to see how far he would go. Would he claimed he had been dead? So we set it up. Started talking about a guy we knew who was real cool but had surgery and died. Bill jumped right in and completely serious said "I died once" then proceeded to tell a story about a minor surgery he had had and his heart stopped for over 14 minutes. He said the doctor had told him there had never been anything like it before and it was in several medical journals.
cantthinkofausernam · 2 points · Posted at 17:51:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I used to work at a skate park, this kid who was roughly 16-17 at the time would come up once a week, pay and then sit outside smoking cigarettes. He was morbidly obese and would tell endless stories. It's been a few years but the most memorable:
Chelesuarez · 2 points · Posted at 17:54:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A friend of mine in high school said who considered himself to be one of the "cool kids" (most would disagree) claimed he felt bad for one of the nerdy kids and decided to attend the nerdy kids' birthday party. When he arrived, the nerdy kid's dad had bought a keg of beer (500 glasses) for the party (to make him look cool). Nobody else showed up to the party. So he drank the entire keg with the nerdy kid.
yeahbitchphysics · 2 points · Posted at 17:55:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He's my dad's friend. He's not a pathological liar, he just wants to sound interesting I guess.
First of all, he says that he is the cousin of the best tennis player in the world, and they are so close that he doesn't have a picture with him.
He started living by himself at age 14, graduating at the same age because he was such a genius.
Oh, and my favorite so far: He met John Lennon, hell, he had a drink with him and later he introduced him to Yoko Ono.
clamps12345 · 2 points · Posted at 17:56:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
just_a_bridge · 2 points · Posted at 17:58:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh where to begin with this guy
claimed to have a red belt in king fu (never took a class)
went to Bondage School
Couldn't feel temperature at all due to nerve damage, but oddly enough when introduced to rapidly hot temperatures, it still hurt.
Would pay me back any of the money he owes me
Actually gave a shit about our friendship
I got this petulant man child job after job and when he was "inexplicably" fired I advocated for him to not be kicked out of the apartment by our other roommate.
He hangs out with her to this day.
Oh, he also thinks he's a wolf on the inside
heize_bon · 2 points · Posted at 18:02:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend of mine look me in the eye and tell me that she had blue eyes. We're Chinese, and her black as hell eyes were right in front of me.
cindycooltits · 2 points · Posted at 18:02:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
chem9dog · 2 points · Posted at 18:02:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The lie it self wasn't some insanely crazy story. The REAL crazy of it was that my ex-fiance was able to believe her own lies, and I quote "It's not a lie if I mean it at the time I say it"... She was incapable of lying because by this logic, she would just believe hard enough in the lie to the point it wasn't a lie anymore. I totally think she really did believe her own lies too, the way she would say them with such conviction she had to have believed. Makes my blood start to boil just thinking about this... /end rant
5-Hydroxytriptamine · 2 points · Posted at 18:06:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Quick warning: on a cell phone and in a rush to go somewhere. I apologize for grammar/spelling mistakes.
I remember our school's compulsive liar (CL) moved to the area sometime around middle school. She had quickly developed a crush on me, which was a little awkward since I was dating someone at the time. She actually lived by my girlfriend, who lived on the other side of town from me.
One day CL found out through my girlfriend that I ran cross country, so the next day CL joined cross country. She was there for only a day, as she was only able to complete a single 12 minute mile split before her knee began to "act up."
Well CL got involved pretty quickly with another church outside of town. At their youth group CL started to tell everyone that she was a cross county champion at her school, and that the only one faster than her was me. She told them about how we ran together every day after practice since we were next door neighbors. Afterward my family normally invited her in to eat dinner and she helped me with my homework.
My actual neighbor was in her youth group. Apparently CL could not explain why my neighbor had never seen her around the neighborhood.
ArchViles · 2 points · Posted at 18:09:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My buddy lives in the shittiest part of town in a roach filled trailer with his jobless wife and kid, but always claims he makes 20+ an hour and works 45+ a week. He will lie about anything and everything it's super annoying, but I feel bad for him.
bearybrown · 1 points · Posted at 08:39:54 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
ahhh... the american dream.
sentondan · 2 points · Posted at 18:09:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My brother said he had severe diabetes and was in the hospital to have his foot amputated. Shows up at my house a few days later with both feet. This was about a week after he told me he had open heart surgery.
AlmightyCheeseLord · 2 points · Posted at 18:14:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Friend:"Whoops, sorry, I must have blocked your number by mistake". Me:"Oh okay just unblock it soon I need a way to contact you dude". Me(thoughts): What a bunch of shit
dirtydan2423 · 2 points · Posted at 18:14:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My freshman year roommate in college was a pathological liar. We lived in an off-campus apartment and I found out three months into our living arrangement that he didn't even go to the same university as me, despite a very heavy front that he did. Quickly realized that his whole life he portrayed to us was a lie. I didn't tell him once I found out, and found his future claims to be ridiculous and poorly thought out. These included:
Telling me that he was going to play Division I football until he 'blew out his knee.' He was super un-athletic.
Also said he played lacrosse in high school, where he played 'every position.' Also said he used to be a bodybuilder and spent 'two hours in the gym everyday' but gave it up.
Was paying for his apartment and schooling at age 19 with the money he earned from his job, when he really was just living off his parents wealth.
Said that he had done all type of soft and hard drugs in high school. Smoked with him once and he didn't know what he was doing.
Seharrison · 2 points · Posted at 18:14:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"I'm allergic to all fruit, like I'll have problems if you even eat fruit near me." - 5 minutes later proceeds to eat fruit gummies made with fruit juice.....
BabeGirlxo · 1 points · Posted at 18:32:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I actually have pollen-food syndrome. It is where my body confuses pollen with things found in raw fruit and veggies. So i have an allergic reaction to raw apples, tomatoes, bananas, and cucumbers. The weird part is that cooking or proccessing the food takes away whatever my body is confusing. So, i can eat apple pie, ketchup, pickles, candies with fruit flavor and things like that. Its weird.
Oral allergy syndrome, also known as pollen-food syndrome,is caused by cross-reacting allergens found in bothpollen and raw fruits, vegetables, or some tree nuts. The immune system recognizes the pollen and similar proteins in the food and directs an allergic response to it.
http://acaai.org/allergies/types/food-allergies/types-food-allergy/oral-allergy-syndrome
agile52 · 2 points · Posted at 18:15:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He invented a brand new type of alternator that you'd put into a windmill for unlimited energy. He also claimed to drive his suga momma's Maserati all the time, but we only ever saw him in the ugliest purple rustbucket of a 1990 mustang.
Wetworth · 2 points · Posted at 18:16:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Kid I worked with told me he beat up three armed robbers at a roller rink, then jumped behind the counter to have sex with the girl working there. I waited for him to laugh, but nope, dead serious.
piratesoup · 2 points · Posted at 18:17:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know 1 girl who lies about everything, this is an example of how bad her lying is. On a night out in a pub right across the road from a big college who have this really fancy ball every year. I run outside for a smoke, while I'm down there I'm chatting with the bouncers, I know them pretty well as we use to drink there quite often. Mid conversation a bouncer asks me if I'm going over to the ball. I just stare at him blankly, kinda confused and say, what? Another bouncer laughs, and just explains, saying I look really well and they thought I was heading over. We have a bit of a laugh and I go back inside. I retell the story to my mates inside, bit of a funny anecdote. Fast forward to the following night, liar is over at my place watching a movie, middle of the film she pipes up and says, you'll never guess what happened to me last night? Then proceeds to tell me my story back to me claiming it was her it happened to. I couldn't even respond I was so shocked.
apileofcake · 2 points · Posted at 18:18:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he got pulled over going 222 mph in a stock C5 corvette on a rather bumpy curved part of the highway in a pretty busy area, and got off with just a warning because the "vette is so sweet"
How him and his friend rolled a truck while off-roading and just shot it to make it explode, blowing out the windows of houses in a 1/4 mile radius.
He also got a job as a car salesman at a Subaru dealership and sold a $400,000 Ferrari his first week and got 75% commission on it.
His girlfriend lied to him about being pregnant, to sober him up while drunk. Week later, she's apparently actually pregnant. Now it's 6 months later and she's not pregnant..
He also drinks approximately 3 bottles of jack Daniels every time he drinks.
And I'm 80% sure he lies about being a veteran for military discounts... I have no proof or frame of reference for this one but the positive way he talks about killing Arabs and his sensationalist description of the military makes it seem like bullshit.
BabeGirlxo · 2 points · Posted at 18:19:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
As a child/teenager, I was a compulsive liar. I don't know the exact reason I did it, but I think it had to do with my upbringing. My mom was a compulsive liar and always had us lie for her. If she stole something and was caught, I knew to say I did it. I would tell people i put it in her purse when she put it down. I had to become really good at lying when I started showing up to school with bruises. Then Around the age of 12, I went into foster care. I felt so...invisible. So I started lying about things to make people like me.
*One time in 8th grade, we had a drug sweep (when they bring in the dog). The entire school was on lockdown and it just so happened I had IQ testing (which every student was allowed to take). Noone is supposed to leave the classroom during this time. Then all of a sudden a woman comes in and goes, "Chrissy, lets go, you've been bit by the dog." EVERY student and the teacher looked at me. I missed the next two classes because testing took forever. By the time I was done, it was lunch time. I walked to the lunch room and a kid ran up to me and said "what happened? Did they find drugs on you?" And I took that story and ran...ran so far with it. It made its way through the entire school in 1 day. Then as I was leaving this kid says, "what kind of pot was it?" Me, a kid who cared more about homework then drugs and who knew nothing of pot said "what? Duh the regular kind" this kid starts laughing so HARD about how stupid I was. I could not be left alone for about a week. People were always asking questions. So, I convinced my christian foster mom, that I thought it would be best for me to be homeschooled because I wanted to get closer to GOD. I went to school and told a friend that I was going to be leaving because I was going to be homeschooled. She said "are you being expelled" and of course, I said "YUP!" People still talked about it for years after it happened. At least 99% of them, still do not know the truth. The only ones that know, are ones that didnt believe me from the start. I have never until now addmitted it wasnt true, but I also havent talked about it since it happened and I moved from that area in 12th grade and have not been back.
Junglescott89 · 2 points · Posted at 18:21:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Buddy told me he bought a Honda Snowmobile. Honda doesnt make snowmobiles.
iammandalore · 2 points · Posted at 18:24:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My sister is a compulsive liar. I have on multiple occasions literally watched her do something she wasn't supposed to be doing and accused her of it, only for her to turn around and deny it.
I think the most memorable was when I accused her of dating guys at around age 16 behind my parents' backs. She denied this, of course.
Well one day she left her phone in the bathroom and I saw a text come in that said something like "I hope you have a great morning, sugar." Don't remember the exact wording, but it's irrelevant really. Well this gets it in my head that she's definitely dating someone and I want to find out what's going on. My sister wasn't necessarily the brightest bulb in the box and was pretty likely to get herself in a bad way.
So I snooped.
I got logged into her Facebook account on the family computer and looked through messages. Turns out, she was actively, seriously flirting (for lack of a better word at the moment) with about 5-6 guys.
I tried one more time to talk to her about this, being careful about revealing what I knew. She didn't want to have any of it, so I printed out screenshots of Facebook messages and shots I took of her text messages, three copies of each. My parents were sitting in the living room later that night so I called my sister in, told her to sit down, handed a copy to each of them and left the house.
Oh, that text message from earlier? That was from a 50-something-year-old man.
Stegg31 · 1 points · Posted at 10:48:58 on June 25, 2016 · (Permalink)
Why is that any of your business? Massive invasion of privacy
Bodymaster · 2 points · Posted at 18:24:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
While still in college I worked part-time in an off licence (liquor store to you American folks). Our manager left and new guy called Joe came in to replace him.
Joe was an average, middle aged guy, pretty unremarkable in every way, the opposite of charismatic. He was harmless, a bit of an eejit, but not the worst boss I've ever had. He was a bit like David Brent, he wanted to be liked by everybody, but he was not really competent at his job. He lasted less than a year.
Anyway after closing up for the evening he'd often ask if any of us other staff wanted to go for a few pints with him. This happened pretty much every Friday and Saturday evening, and the last thing you wanted to do is go drinking with this guy after spending hours working with him. But Joe seemed like a lonely guy, he'd mentioned being divorced and whatnot, so sometimes I took pity and I'd go for a few with him. He was buying too, so that helped.
That's when the stories started. After a pint or two he'd start telling me about his time in the army. Now maybe this isn't so strange for somebody from the US, as the Military is a big thing over there, but here in Ireland it's quite rare. And there was no way this man who could barely manage to operate a till ever held a weapon.
These stories weren't told jokingly, but dead serious. It was so hard not to laugh, as they were completely ridiculous, obviously made up in order to make himself look like a badass. But I never called Joe on this because free drinks, and free entertainment.
I really wish I could remember more of his war stories now, but this was over a decade ago, and the stories weren't particularly interesting in themselves.
Joe had claimed that he was with Special Forces, he'd fought in the first Gulf War as a sniper, committed all these crazy, daring, Ramboesque feats, but eventually he was injured and had to retire. When he came home from Iraq he caught his wife in bed with another man, and so he shot that guy's kneecaps off and kicked his wife out. There may be have been somebody thrown out a window as well, but I'm vague on that.
Sorry I realize this is long, and doesn't really make for compelling reading, so apologies for that. But the question got me thinking of Joe and his bullshit for the first time in ages. I wonder where he is these days and if he's still regaling kids with his boring tales of badassery that obviously never happened.
TL,DR; Had a manager at work, totally boring dryballs, who claimed to be the real life Solid Snake.
Edit: Oh just remembered the time he told us that the previous night he'd been invited home by two hot lesbians for a threesome. Middle aged, balding, totally average, charmless, Joe who went in to uncomfortable detail about what he did to these two girls.
GBP1027 · 2 points · Posted at 18:24:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A buddy in college told so many great lies. It got to the point where we would egg him on to see what absurd thing he would say next.
I bet him $20 he couldn't have sex with this girl at a party. He disappears for the night and the next day tells me he only got the tip in so I didn't have to pay.
Told me during highschool some guy bit him during a basketball game and one of the kids teeth got stuck in his arm. Later in the game it fell out while he was shooting a free throw because the method in which he shoots requires him to flex his forearm.
The classic I lost my virginity in 8th grade to the senior captain of the cheerleaders.
Also told me he got drafted into the whatever round in baseball but wanted to focus on his education.
DwarvenPirate · 2 points · Posted at 18:25:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Mom keeps saying my brother's father is my father, too.
ScottyUrb · 2 points · Posted at 18:27:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That a number of my colleagues were on vacation.
(This person was attempting to have me postpone a decision.)
Mukbangrill · 2 points · Posted at 18:28:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This was in middle school, in the 8th grade.
He claimed that his mom was Japanese (Although he looked and was Mexican) and that she was a doctor, but for reason he was coming to our poor ass school.
He claimed to have no relation to a boy at school that looked exactly like him. Then latter took it back and said they were cousins that lived together with his aunt. They were actually brothers.
On multiple occasions he claimed to have harmed himself (ex. Stabbing himself in the stomach and stitching it himself) and next day at school showing no actual injuries.
Told me this guy moved in next door, then 5 min later texted me that his name was Nikko Sky, and then an hour later that he was sucking his dick. Constantly pretended to be texting. On our last day of school, on the bus heading home from Disneyland, he was again, pretending to text and facing the phone away from me to make sure I couldn't see. His stupid ass didn't realize that his screen was being reflected off the window he was sitting next to, showing me that he was just typing random stuff into the text book with no address.
Called him out on it the next day. He said he didn't want to be friends. Then we move on to high school where I find out he was telling people that I slept with a couple of college guys and was calling me a couple of racial slurs aimed at black people. I'm mexican, but I have medium to dark skin and curly hair, so I guess he thought it was appropriate. No one believed him and he moved to Texas.
NomNom_DePlume · 2 points · Posted at 18:28:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I woman I shall call Mary was infamous for her lies. Some subtle and ignorable - but some so unbelievable as to think it must be a joke. On Mary's first week of employment, she brought up during a conversation that she hit the lottery with one of those scratching tickets. Not millions, but 750k. Enough to ask why was she bothered working at this point? Pay off debts and live on interest! But she had reasonable excuses: paying mother's medical debts and house, providing for cousins in trouble, etc. We don't know this woman, so we believe we're in the grace of a very kind and generous soul! But over time, the lies were becoming predictable. Did I start seeing someone? Well so did Mary! Was my SO driving a 125k car? Her boyfriend had a rare, custom ordered Bentley!
It was weird. Part of the reason that it was weird was that I wasn't competing with her, so I was celebrating her 'wins' with her. I was happy her new boyfriend was filthy rich! Great!
But the best part? She was a TERRIBLE liar! Mary sucked at it. She would obviously be making stuff up as I went along. She would send me photos she clearly stole from the internet and claim she JUST took this photo on her smart phone. But I'm a photographer. I recognize frame sizes, professional lighting, and post-production work. She was taking wide-angel images of a professional shot that was post-processed and claiming that what she messaged me on my phone was her in her boyfriend's NY penthouse apartment. No request of a selfie or evidence of a human being would be provided.
I also like to travel. I'm not rich; I travel on the cheap, staying with friends or hostels, etc. Because of this, I travel more often than average. Suddenly Mary started to experience exotic travel as well - unplanned and last minute trips that occurred at the SAME TIME of my travels. Always and predictably having a better trip than the one I was just on. By this time we knew she was making stuff up and lying. We'd let her spin her tales and then go about our day. Except this one time I returned from a short-trip to another country. I was exhausted; it was a demanding and brief trip. But it was fun and I had tons of photos from Rain Forests and Volcanos, etc. While Mary was trying to one-up my exotic travel with HER unplanned cruise to Puerto Rico, someone finally asked her to produce photos. She promised she would. And then the creepiest thing happened.
In a few days, she linked us all to her FB photo album showing 100s of photos of a cruise ship and Puerto Rico. (Let's not discuss that there isn't a cruise from our City to PR which leaves on Friday and returns Sunday night... just roll with this). The album was a PAINFUL collection of stolen photos from the net. Different image resolutions and different compression methods, not to mention that 99% of the entire album (hundreds of photos long) has not a single human being in them! Weird, displaced images of empty stair cases, empty casinos on cruise ships, empty room, and the ever popular towel-critters the cruise folks like to leave. But she was sloppy about it. The towels were different in several photos (no trim, some with blue trim, some with gold decoration, etc.). It was so obvious to everyone that this was fabricated. We all stared at her. WEIRD.
But the final straw was her 'partial hysterectomy.' So, let me set this up. I wanted to get the weight loss bypass surgery several years ago. She said she wanted to do the same thing. So the both of us attended the required pre-surgery meetings which prep you on what you need to do and how to plan for this change in your life. For those who don't know, this process can sometimes take up to six months. So if you start in June, you could expect to have the surgery scheduled for very late in the year or early the next year. Mid-way through this testing/preparation process, test results showed that I was having very serious hormonal issues that needed to be address before I could proceed with any surgical solution. Mary did not have any issues. She was scheduled to have her surgery at the end of the year/beginning of the new year.
Everyone knew my plans were put on hold until my other medical issue was addressed. But suddenly Mary grew silent about her progress. We wondered: what was Mary going to do? Suddenly and without warning, she calls out of work for an emergency illness in early January. People are asking me if Mary is ok, but they heard she had to have emergency surgery. I'm pretty sure she's just having the bypass weight loss surgery AS SCHEDULED when we attended all those meetings during the summer months.
Finally I'm texting Mary to see how she's doing. She starts a long fabricated story about how she went to the GYN and they found thyroids and she was rushed to the ER to have emergency Partial Hysterectomy. She'll be out of work for a few weeks. She was SO shocked and scared! She was traumatized! And she's so glad she had her child 20 years ago because now she could never have a child. blah blah blah.
This woman had the bypass surgery and FORGOT that I knew she was scheduled for the surgery at this time. She didn't tell anyone at work she was going out on medical leave, leaving everyone scrambling to cover for her absence without warning. She must believe that HR doesn't get any information about her medical procedures. Weeks later, she’s in the office again retelling her frightening GYN visit which rushed her to the ER - but she doesn't even bother to know how any of the medical procedures work. She is talking about several scars from the laparoscopic surgery. I reminder her that the Drs go through the vagina for hysterectomies. A few more weeks, she's complaining about bleeding/cramps. I ask if she forgot her had a hysterectomy. She replies tersely: IT WAS A PARTIAL!! (as if she's left with 50% of her uterus)
And finally, months later, she was telling us how she offered a good friend of hers to carry a fetus for her (after her friend lost a baby). Which I ask her again: did you forget? And she yelled at me that she only had a PARTIAL hysterectomy. So I ask her: Do you think you just have half a uterus? Answer: DUH, YES.
quittingthegreen2 · 2 points · Posted at 18:31:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
During my vanilla WoW days in the 7th grade my compulsive liar friend bragged about his Night Elf Warrior and claimed he once crit 25k with her (at the time that number was unheard of). He also had a sword with intellect on it and claimed he was a "mana-less" paladin lmaoooo. He had so many boyfriends that gave him gold on that character hahahahaha so you know he lied to those poor chumps as well!
Teddy_thatsmyname · 2 points · Posted at 18:35:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In first grade there was an older girl that went to my summer camp who convinced me that her family had won a full home makeover that replicated the house from Clarissa Explains it All. She even got me to believe that she had an alligator in her room.. I finally exposed her lies when she ended up on the same van home as me and I asked her to let us all come and see her alligator..
SheZowRaisedByWolves · 2 points · Posted at 18:40:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had a friend that said he won tickets on the radio to go to a concert that my other friend and I were going to see. He also said they were, "super VIP" and would actually be performing on stage with them. Come the day of the concert, that didn't happen.
wordfiend99 · 2 points · Posted at 18:42:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
that she is pregnant
cumblebee · 2 points · Posted at 18:45:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In Kindergarten through 3rd grade I would tell people I get channel 0, which let me watch any show I wanted whenever I wanted in the early 2000s. I felt like a real innovator when on-demand became a thing years later
Kaiden103 · 2 points · Posted at 18:46:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There was this guy I used to work with who couldn't go a day without lying through his teeth, here are a few:
As a security guard at a mall, he caught a pedophile who was wearing nothing but a trench coat and was trying to run off with little kids. The pedophile pulled a gun on him, so he disarmed him and broke 5 places in his shoulder using one swift motion
As a bouncer, he ripped a guys groin by simply catching the guys kick, and then pulling very hard. (He's like, 5'3. I don't know how he got hired as a bouncer at a club)
In high school, he wrestled two brothers from a school called Logan and beat both of them, making the younger one cry in the year of 2009. (I wrestled from Logan in 2009, I was the only one with a brother on the team, I am the younger one, and I've never met him before that job)
A man once kicked him in the forearm and broke his own shin because his bones were 'too strong'
His cousin is UFC fighter Chad Mendes and they spar a lot, and in several cases he has beat him in a standup fight. (The liars last name is spelled Mendez...)
riconquer · 2 points · Posted at 18:46:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Back when I ran a gas station attached to a grocery store, a girl transferred in from another location, but hadn't worked as a gas station cashier before. As the boss, it was my responsibility to spend 24 hours with her doing training and whatnot. Have to keep the corporate overlords happy and all that.
I had been warned in advance about this girl, but I was not prepared. I trained her on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.
On Friday she explained to me how she had wound up working at my station, her 4th in about 6 months. It involved passing out in the office of location #1 and being rushed to the hospital. While in the hospital, she was diagnosed with a brain tumor, which was promptly cut out of her head and she was sent back to work.
She was transferred to location #2 and placed on light duty for a while. During this time, she had a miscarriage and had become depressed. The manager of location #2 had grown tired of it, and had traded her to location #3, who very quickly sent her to work for me.
This all struck me as very odd, as no one had mentioned any medical issues to me, and I'd never seen another employee get transferred against their will in all my time working at the company, about 6 years at the time. Department transfers were common, but getting moved to another store or city for medical reasons was practically unheard of.
On Saturday she told me all about school. She had entered university to study Biology, but had wound up switching into the business school. It was late May during her training, and she told me that she had just graduated from the business school, and had taken the MCAT (med school entrance exam) for fun. She'd apparently scored so well on it that multiple med schools had offered her scholarships to attend, without her even having to apply. Honestly the least believable part of this was the business school part of it, as I was entering my 4th year at her universities business school, and I'd never seen her there before.
On Sunday I watched her explain to another employee that she'd just recently been diagnosed with Crohn's disease after going to the doctor with an upset stomach. She'd been taken to the hospital and had 1/3rd of her small intestine removed 2 weeks before her training began. Admittedly i knew nothing about the illness, but I had to look it up. It's apparently very hard to diagnose, requiring multiple tests and confirmations. I saw no indication that a rapid diagnoses and surgery would ever be a treatment plan, not that I believed a word that came out of her mouth at that point.
Ultimately, a went to my boss, relayed my concerns, and shockingly she was never released to me to be put on my schedule. I saw her once or twice at location #3, but she was gone within a month. From doing a little digging, I'm fairly certain that not a single one of the things she told me were true, shockingly enough.
Meaber · 2 points · Posted at 18:49:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There was a kid in my high school who was famous for making up ridiculous stories. His most famous was the fact that his grandfather killed Hitler. If you seemed skeptical, he would claim that he had the gun to prove it.
bearybrown · 1 points · Posted at 08:55:18 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
so, basically his grandpa was the fuhrer himself?
sokpuppet1 · 2 points · Posted at 18:53:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Said he played bass and sung vocals in a band and that their album was dropping soon. I didn't really care, but he sent me an MP3 in an email. The file was labeled "our first cut.mp3" but when I opened it in iTunes, the tags said it was a song by some band called Downset. I looked them up. Not only was this guy not part of the band, they were fairly established and this was a track off Downset's new album.
I pretty much ignored anything the kid said after that.
the_supersalad · 2 points · Posted at 18:57:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The most absurd lie I was ever told was someone who pretended that a) they had a middle name, and b) they were born in a different country. I had the unfortunate task of booking a plane ticket for this person and if I hadn't asked to see his passport to confirm all this bullshit and had just asked him, he wouldn't have been able to fly because of this pointless fantasy.
Yanksrock615 · 2 points · Posted at 18:57:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend once told me that he carried 200 pounds against the current all by himself.
Vote4SovietBear · 1 points · Posted at 19:01:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Truuuu
FrauLex · 2 points · Posted at 18:57:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In a bid to exploit money and/or win back her ex, I knew a lady who claimed to have breast cancer. Went so far as to say she was having chemo and was so sick, yet never missed a weekend clubbing and had a full head of hair. It's been years and she still won't admit that she didn't actually have cancer.
SiLeNCo_ · 2 points · Posted at 19:00:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is the same guy who always did awfully on tests compaired to assignments, since his father did all of his school work at home.
He also said that he would make 50k SEK ($6k USD) / Month right out of highschool. EvenThoughHeKnowsNothingJohnSnowPls
It'll be nice to not have to be with him more
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 19:00:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Right...so my cousin is a liar. Our entire family knows it, but they just all let her get away with it. She got married to this insane tweaker when she was around 20. They were psycho together. Constantly fighting, getting the cops called on each other, etc and all in front of their two young children.
They eventually divorce, and she meets a decent guy. He's completely normal, and I still don't understand how he deals with her dramatics daily. Eventually he decides he wants to legally adopt the two kids. Everyone's happy and thinking things are getting better.
So, she starts going around and telling everyone baby daddy was so depressed about losing the kids that he tried to kill himself with a shotgun to the face. He lived, but will forever be disfigured. Even though this dude was a fuckhead, we were all very upset and tried to reach out and help him.
My brother ends up running in to him somewhere, and yeah...he had a totally normal face. She made the entire thing up and we have no idea why. When we confronted her with picture evidence, she retracted and said that she never said that, and we're sick people for even suggesting it.
Eggey5 · 2 points · Posted at 19:04:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This one former friend I had would exaggerate or just flat out about situations that he was in even if someone was there with him in that said situation. It was really frustrating and I yelled at him a few times after it got to be too much. Example? We'd go for a walk to go to GameStop, a homeless person asks us for change, He gives him 50 cents and moves on. What he TELLS our friends is that he gave a homeless person 50 cents and the homeless person threatened to kill him if he wouldn't give more. He just fucking expects me to roll with it and gets annoyed when I call him out on it.
UnknownJ25 · 2 points · Posted at 19:04:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This fucker I knew named Skyler was a liar if I ever knew one. He had a thing where he would try to appeal to the group of nerds in our class by interfering with his "stories".
For example he
• Went to E3 2014 and played Half Life 3 and Fallout 4 plus a new Metroid game
• Was personal friends with Stan Lee
• Said the X Men were coming to Marvel Studios and would be in Avengers 3
• Was going to be in the new Batman movie
• Owned a comic worth a million dollars
And a bunch of other stuff I can't remember
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 19:04:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I was good friends with a guy who was a pathological liar and a dumbass. We became good friends my junior year of high school and I brought him out to hang with my group of 4 guys. I didn't know it, but he was probably the dumbest kid in our class. He would spell everything wrong in text messages (one time he asked me how to spell "skirt"), he bragged about getting a 14 on his ACT, he was almost failing out of our school. I should also add he was a little fat guy and he had a temper, so we'd just let him go on with his stories. Here are my favorites:
-Is a trained MMA fighter. When we asked him if we could come to a fight he said only the press gets to come. Then we asked if we could read articles or see pictures, he said he didn't allow pictures because "no college wants a fighter on campus" and in articles he was only referred to as "The Champ". He then started "training with his coach" every morning before school. He even tried hooking up with one of my good friends. He had his "coach" text her an article on himself, which was polluted with spelling mistakes. When the day of the fight arrived, I asked his mother if she was excited for it. She was confused and he told me only his brother and his dad knows he fights.
-Went camping with his cousin in the middle of the woods with no food and killed a squirrel with a knife and ate it raw.
-He died once, but he came back to life, unfortunately.
-He used to hear voices in his head when he was a kid and had to take medication for it, one day he didn't and he almost killed his brother.
-One time he found a portal to Hell in his closet because of "evil" items. He poured Holy water on it, but he can never forget the demons he saw. He has a tattoo depicting this scene.
-He asked me if I could hook him up with my ex-girlfriend (we're friends) so I gave him her number. He told me they went to the movies and fucked. She said he got really creepy in the texts and started talking about the depths of Hell and how his grandma's death really affected him. (He was 2 when she died.) They never ended up meeting
-He acted really spiritual, but we went to Catholic school and he would fall asleep during Mass. He also kept wishing everyone a Happy Lent in Advent.
I'm sure I can think of more, but those are the ones that stick out.
Piss_on · 2 points · Posted at 19:07:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
that he didn't eat the last of my pizza rolls. that's right mike you asshole. i know it was you.
ouijahead · 2 points · Posted at 07:50:16 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dude, fuck Mike man!
Picklesidk · 2 points · Posted at 19:11:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Growing up in a very wealthy NJ suburban town, you ran into a lot of people of this type. Kids who were raised by parents who were more interested in their business/country club/world travels than raising children. Like, top 15 zip code in America or something, lots of money to throw around, also a lot of virtually parentless children.
Anyway, there was this girl who was a product of this. On top of it, she was the youngest, so you could imagine her parents were exceptionally disinterested in her. Sad, really. She would make up the most ridiculous lies and stories:
-One of my friends had some sort of electrical system in their home that would sometimes cause the lights to dim and flicker. She claimed her stage IV cancer was causing this phenomenon. -She claimed to have personal relations with many celebrities. Mind you we were about 12. -She went to a posh private school, and claimed the most horrible and hateful stories about the kids she went to school with so we would somehow like her more. Again, we were 12. -She claimed to be able to hear and speak to dead people, or something. I don't know the girl was fucking weird.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 19:13:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Said she didn't eat a single thing for a month
NoLoveForFatty · 2 points · Posted at 19:15:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Let's call her Amanda. Amanda was kinda cute, had a nice singing voice, and was very friendly. She could walk up to anyone and start a conversation without it being awkward. That's how we met. I wouldn't say she was popular in school, but she had lots of friends. I don't know if she told lies to others or if it was just me, but she wasn't very smart.
It started with small things, "I went to this concert." "My boyfriend in Germany calls me every night." I never believed any of it, but it wasn't a big deal, why waste my time calling her out? Then one day she says her boyfriend from the next town over is beating her. Neither one of them had a car or a ride to see each other. When we weren't at school, she was at my house. She never had bruises or cuts on her body and she wore kinda revealing clothing so I should've been able to see any marks she might've had. I just told her to break up with him if that was the case, but she refused.
A little later she's dating a new guy, this one is actually real! He went to our school and he and I were acquaintances. They were cute together and I was happy for her. Things were great for awhile, she wasn't stuck up my ass all the time and she mostly quit lying. I'd say it lasted about three months until she told me she was pregnant. I sort of believed her because her boyfriend was pretty sexual, so I tried being there for her. I knew something was up when she'd walk on cafeteria benches like balance beams and say stuff to the effect of "Oh no, I'm pregnant, better not do this. I bet you're so mad at me huh? I could lose the baby." I pretended to believe her for a while longer.
It was about four months in that I lost it and stopped talking to her. On the way home on the bus, she pulls out a piece of copy paper with a shitty ultrasound picture on it and tells me it's her baby. I still didn't have the energy to argue so I told her it was cute and whatnot. The next day at school, I see her boyfriend and finally just ask him if all this is true. He looked at me like I was crazy. He said they broke up two months ago and that they never even had sex. I said something along the lines of "That fucking bitch!" not knowing she was behind me. She didn't say anything until we got on the bus that afternoon. She asked why I called her that and I told her I knew she was lying. I called her out on all the bullshit. I don't remember what she did or said, but we didn't talk again until the next school year.
We shared one class together and she sat behind me, so we were bound to talk eventually. We were fine all year long, she went most the year without lying and I was ecstatic. Then my acquaintance, her ex, came back in the picture. He graduated before us and went to cosmetology school. He was still learning and I needed a haircut so he said he'd come to my house and cut it one evening. Somehow Amanda found out and lost her shit. I guess she was jealous. She started with saying, "I know his ways. He's just using you for sex. You should let me come over so I can protect you." I politely declined. I told her it was just a hair cut, I'll pay him and he'll leave. She came back with "Well, you like layers in your hair. He doesn't do those very well." When I told her I didn't care, she got desperate and told me her mom was abusing her and she needed to get away for awhile. She begged me to let her stay the night at my place. I told her if she believed that was true then I would walk with her to the counselor's office. She shut up & didn't talk to me for the rest of the class. I'm surprised she didn't come over anyway. Sure enough, the guy came over, cut my hair, I paid him and we sat and watched American Idol together, then he left. Nothing happened. The next day I feel like a million bucks because he actually did a great job. It was the best haircut I'd ever gotten. Amanda went out of her way to see me before school started to tell me my hair looked like shit and tried to point out any flaw she could find. It wasn't long after that that she quit school and pretended to be a lesbian for a few months.
MogiBerrell · 2 points · Posted at 19:15:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had a guy tell me a couple during my summer job days..
One was that he wrecked his dirt bike and died..but was awake and watching the paramedics and doctors work on him but couldn't communicate to them because the whole being dead part.
The other was that he finish a half gallon of Everclear and wasn't drunk enough so he drove and bought a case of beer. Drank the beer and then went to sleep cuz he was tired of trying to get drunk and it not working.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 19:22:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I probably did this until I was about 14, or so. I guess I was insecure but also intensely private. Most of the "lies" came about because other kids were harass me about being a loser until I had to provide some evidence to the contrary. Like, "I have a girlfriend who goes to another school you wouldn't know her." That type of stuff. Eventually I funneled this energy into writing comedy and I am much better adjusted now. When you are in school and a misfit you latch onto any coping mechanism you can think of. I feel bad for these people who never moved beyond it. That being said, I can spot a liar very easily now.
jagainitai · 2 points · Posted at 19:23:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a guy who said he was dating Justine Bateman. This is back in the day when she was young and hot. He showed me a picture of her that he had in his wallet, it was cut out of the newspaper. One day I was watching the news and saw him being arrested for stalking her. Obviously he wasn't dating Justine Bateman.
FantasticTony · 2 points · Posted at 19:24:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy told me you could unlock Toad in Super Smash Bros Melee if you hit every name in the credit shooting game. I told him that the game already tells you when you unlocked all of the characters, so there's no way Toad would be extra hidden. He remained adamant that he had unlocked Toad, but then his game got corrupted so that's why he couldn't show me.
Blaconcha · 2 points · Posted at 19:24:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What if these stories are all just compulsive lies told by compulsive liars?
tophie524 · 2 points · Posted at 19:24:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This will inevitably get buried but I myself have been a compulsive liar from a young age, it is something I have to actively suppress and have instant regret after doing.
I can think of a few occurrences where I really shit the bed after lying myself into a hole. The biggest one was telling a kid in 4th grade that I had a TV we would watch under my family's hot tub. He called me later that afternoon and I remember him being pretty dissatisfied with the reason he wasn't allowed to come over and see it.
OhTheHueManatee · 2 points · Posted at 19:25:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I met my exes new boyfriend who claimed right away to be a hitman for Hells Angels. He had already lost count of how many people he had killed. I thought it was funny cause a professional hitman should be able to afford a car or at least a motorcycle. He also insisted he was fluent in 6 languages including Japanese which was handy for the games he created by himself for Nintendo in Japan but Nintendo screwed him over on the rights so he left.
Blitzkrieg_My_Anus · 2 points · Posted at 19:30:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A 40+ year old coworker told me how he had bought a $25,000+ wedding ring for his open-relationship wife. Meanwhile his truck was some rusty piece of shit Chevy that was always breaking down; he lived with his mother and she bitched at him if he drank a Pepsi at work and didn't bring the can back home. He'd literally steal my pop cans to collect the recycling.
He also was a former hells angel and could have anyone killed.
Exgear46 · 2 points · Posted at 19:32:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Some guy my Bestfriend is friends with always tells us his fake ass stories about what he does to his girlfriend at random moments like we could be talking about the basketball and he'd come and tell us how he came on his girlfriends boobs right before they went to her parents house and she had no time to wipe it off so she had to have it on her chest the whole time or the time where she agreed to have a four-some with him and her bestfriends. seems so fake i dont even know if he actually has a girlfriend and idk why he has to tell us a story every 30 minutes
bartletforamerica98 · 2 points · Posted at 19:33:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A week after taking out my parents' car, getting in a chase with the police, and crashing it into an embankment at 50mph, my 14-year-old brother takes my girlfriend's car out in the middle of the night. We catch up to him at the convenience store and very politely ask him what the fuck he thinks he's doing.
"I was running away from home. I'm always disappointing everyone and I can't make anybody happy. I figured it would be best if I just went to stay somewhere else."
His backpack contains a black tracksuit, a list of phone numbers for his friends, my driver's license, and an ungodly amount of fireworks.
"Running away." Riiiiiiiiiiight.
Deluxebigmak · 2 points · Posted at 19:33:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh man, where to start....
This one kid I knew in high school was always a laugh riot. He had others but the best was that he claimed he had PTSD. When we called him out on his bullshit he said that he inherited his dads Vietnam memories. Another was when he didn't show up for school one day and his excuse was he beat up a bunch of "wiggers" and got covered in there blood, and a cop who saw it all drove him home and told him to stay at home.
Another girl I know just can't control herself. Horrible liar and one upper who says the dumbest most obviously fake stuff and thinks we believe it. To start with, she randomly told us she gave Adam Dunn (baseball player) a boner just from him seeing her (<-- not that attractive). I had a phase where i played tons of paintball, so of course she was on the world champion paintball team that survived 3 days with no food or water against several other teams (weird tournament...). I worked as a web developer and did a bunch of photo shop image manipulation stuff, so of course her dad is a world reknowned image designer. At 150 lbs she did security and lifted 250+ people off the ground and through them out of places. I could go on all day on this one but I'll stop here.
thefuturesbeensold · 2 points · Posted at 19:36:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
i went to school wth a girl who was known for her bullshit.
some of the things she said over the years:
-she was a secret millionaire after an irish relative had died and left her a mansion and giant fortune (for context we were about 17 at the time and lived in a really disadvanted town in england, she lived in a council flat)
-she claimed she was fluent in gaelic but always managed to avoid speaking in it when asked/ or would just make up words on the spot.
-she would have pretend phone converstions during school with pretend boyfriends. (someone called her phone while she was 'talking' once only for it to start ringing in her ear.
-after we finished school, she was kicked out of university and taken to court for creating a facebook acount pretending to be one of her teachers, and told people they were having a relationship. a common theme actually, all through high school she was having 'secret flings' with various teachers.
-is also apparently having an affair with helena bonham carter. which is proably the most crazy lie to date.
-she also claimed that she was a surrogate to her sister and gave birth to her twins. however no one ever saw her pregnant or heard about her being pregnant until after her sister had given birth.
girl was all kinds of crazy
goobered · 2 points · Posted at 19:37:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy I worked with who I'd never talked to before happened to be at a bar when some friends and I showed up.
He started sprouting off stories about how he was one of the "Cocaine Cowboys" and shot a bunch of notorious drug dealers in Miami when he was a cop. About how he was shot and that it's what caused his limp. He talked about it for about two hours straight but Im not sure what other lies he spewed out because i stopped listening as I looked up this very well documented era that has multiple documentaries and books describing the events that occurred, with no mention of his name anywhere. I dont know what possesses people to lie about things that are very easy to disprove.
Zarzaur · 2 points · Posted at 19:37:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My brother is the best I got. I was a junior in high school, working at a local grocery store bagging groceries. There was a cashier that I worked with who was quite attractive.
Anyway my brother was a college drop out at this point, first semester had a 0.0 GPA, he was back home waiting tables. This cashier took a liking to him and she is asking me all of these questions about my brother while are at work one day. The majority of them are lies, as the good brother I am I was ratting him out on all off these because it's funnier this way. Things like he met Brad Pitt once and he gave him his personal cell number. The best one, he once bought an ex girlfriend a Corvette. I lost it. My brother, college dropout, who is waiting tables at Applebees, bought an ex girlfriend a Corvette.
To this day, he still lies like crazy for no apparent reason.
bondfinacial · 2 points · Posted at 19:41:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
One girl who I worked with at not one, but two hotel jobs.
She told everyone at work she was 26. Stupid bartender assumed if she was drinking at her work, then she must be telling the truth. Front office manager then fired her since she was actually 20.
She said she owns ScreamWorld Houston (she works there). She is also a rich millionaire who owns the house her grandmother lives at (she lives with her grandmother).
She then went to work at three other places, before following me to my next hotel job, and put me down as a reference (HR ignored me, when I recommended against hiring her.... Oh they lived in regret).
She told everyone that she was a former bomb specialist for the navy. (Mind you I have known this chick for about a year now she just turned 21)
I asked when she joined, apparently she got special permission from her parents to join at 16.
She shaved her head and then when the hotel said it was against policy. She said they were discriminating against her cancer. She had a brain tumor.
A month later, she quit the hotel because she was called for duty back in the navy. (Can't fire you if you are going into military service) Somehow, she returned from the navy and was cancer free within a month and half later.
TLDR: To sum up, somehow she is a millionaire veteran (bomb specialist) who is part of junior league (you have to be 23 to join), who has brain cancer (yet served in the navy before and after), owns Screamworld Houston, bought her grandmother a house, herself a custom car, can speak fluent Estonian, and all before the age of 22.
Whatsamattahere · 2 points · Posted at 19:42:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was in the market for a new car, was looking at the Accord. My former FIL had bought one the year before so he fancied himself the expert. I ask him what he paid and he puffs up, all proud and says "Just under $20K".
The car was fully loaded and I'd been researching them for a while - there was no way in God's green earth that's what he paid for it. I start peppering him with questions and watched him work hard to be vague about what he put down and the final cost of the car. I began to lose my cool because Jesus, just be honest, why lie about something so stupid!? I said that he should come with me when I buy my car then, since he's such a great negotiator and suddenly he didn't want to talk about it anymore. I looked at my wife and she rolled her eyes. Apparently this is what he does and nobody ever thinks to call him on it. Tool.
missing_macondo · 2 points · Posted at 19:42:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So this is more about when someone is lying as an action than just words. I had a patient who had Münchausen syndrome, which is when you try to make yourself sick for attention. Anyway, she ended up on the oncology unit for unexplained anemia. She was sickeningly nice and you could tell that she was not to be trusted. She started by going to her primary care doctor and reporting all of the symptoms of chron's disease. They did tons of tests and didn't find much but she kept reporting the symptoms. Eventually they did a small surgery on her to see if it would work. That's how she pstarted. From there she doctor hopped and convinced someone to put in a port (it's like a really long IV placed in the chest that you can access with a needle, great for people with cancer or significant IV therapy needs.) No one knew her real medical history because when patients tell us they have something on admission, we enter it into the chart and believe them. Why would people lie? Here's the list of things she did after she landed on our oncology unit for strange blood counts:
Pretended to have falls consistently and we would find her kneeling on the floor stating that she fell. Great, half an hour of paperwork for the nurse and a awful quality metrics for the floor.
Her blood counts kept inexplicably going down. Finally a CNA surprised her in the bathroom (she had left the door half open) and the toilet was full of blood and there was a syringe attached to her port. When questioned she claimed her nurse of 25 years had forgot to take off the syringe. She was literally bleeding herself.
She kept itching at her port dressing all night and I changed it because it needed to be replaced. The next morning the oncoming shift found that it was all crumpled up again and there was some brown stuff underneath the dressing. Three days later she was septic and they cultured the port. E-coli. She had been rubbing poop on the needle that had a catheter that goes straight to her heart!
Her port was removed due to infection and she was on tons of antibiotics. She got a PICC line which is the same idea as a port but to your arm. She kept asking nurses for line extenders. The nurses said no, as you only need those when you have to access your own PICC, like people in the community with antibiotics. We're pretty sure she wanted to continue to bleed herself again. That's when blunt fill needles (giant needles we use to mix medications, never for patient injections) began missing and she ended up with bruising on her arms.
She became somnolent one day after a small dose of pain meds. She fell asleep with her purse open on her lap and there was a giant bottle of oxy in there. When she woke up she was told to give it to her friend so she could take it home for her, but denied that she had taken any. We saw the friend leave with it. The next day it was back in her purse because the same damn thing happened. So now she couldn't have visitors unless hospital staff was in the room. Then, all of a sudden, she stopped having symptoms and wanted to be discharged.
She ended up dying a few months later at home from an overdose. When I think about all the resources she cost the hospital it makes me sick. She was mentally ill and it was so sad that she was never able to get the help she actually needed, but God knows we tried.
bearybrown · 1 points · Posted at 07:41:14 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
that is really messed up situation you got.
so_fetchhhhh · 2 points · Posted at 19:42:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There was a woman that wanted everyone to believe she was dating a rich, beautiful, Navy Seal, right hand man to Obama, who was basically responsible for helping take out Osama, for years. Saw a "picture" of him and it was super grainy and obviously fake.
neocommenter · 2 points · Posted at 19:43:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Years ago my roommate's girlfriend at the time tried to convince him that she was not only in a shootout, but she killed someone in said shootout. She was a nerdy 19 year old white girl who worked at Albertsons.
terib225 · 2 points · Posted at 19:43:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Someone I know is a compulsive liar. Told me things about family members that just aren't true, and the most heinous is that they are HIV positive, but only by one point over the threshold, so they aren't getting medication for it just yet, to watch and wait for a retest. This is probably the 3rd time in about 5-6 years they've said some variation of having HIV.
skuyler · 2 points · Posted at 19:43:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Co-worker at Starbucks had dozens, I wish I had a better memory, but...
-would start to cry whenever the group was having fun because her dad was dying/dead (he was alive and fine). -when she was homeless (never) the only thing she ate was a box of habanero peppers she found so she has an insane capsaicin tolerance.
Damn, my memory sucks.
Student of mine (high school) claims he has a girlfriend in Paris (but never been to France) and washes his dog every other day.
teabagginz · 2 points · Posted at 19:44:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He heard every band, ever. His "cousin worked at a radio station" so no matter what song I brought to him he always replied "oh I heard that before like a month ago, it's alright."
venusvitale · 2 points · Posted at 19:45:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One of my best friends used to date a guy who was "a pilot in the Air Force." He used to fly all over the world during the day, but always made it home for dinner. He also claimed to have been awarded like 6 Purple Hearts. One time he walked around with his arm bandaged for a couple weeks because he got stabbed white saving a girl from getting raped in the park. No scar when the bandages came off. Lastly, he had a daughter who died...first from a car crash, then cancer, finally it was decided that spina bifida was what did it.
VageCheese · 2 points · Posted at 19:46:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Guy wrote poems to his girlfriend claiming he was in the CIA. Even tried to guilt her by claiming that he waved to her while basejumping on a mission but she didnt seem to notice or care....which reminded him of his previous girlfriend and once true love who died in his arms after school due to an assassination disguised as a freak accident.
She brought in a whole shoebox of letters he wrote to her about this shit.
_lev1athan · 2 points · Posted at 19:47:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My best friend is a compulsive liar. I love her and her lies don't make her a bad friend by any means. I think she knows I don't buy her shit but I let her tell her stories and I never 'out' her. I think she just really wants to be impressive to strangers.
But, my favorite is when she tells stories about her military "experience" and acts like she can relate to others who have served full contracts. She's apparently versed with many weapons, somehow still gets top security level emails with army Intel and was totally MP.
In reality she never made it through boot camp, and went home because of her depression. I don't know if she doesn't remember me being part of her life during her whole boot camp thing or what but she always goes on and on about it whenever she has the chance.
gynoceros · 2 points · Posted at 19:47:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
saw the apparition of a native American warrior in his back yard one night and the warrior held a finger to its lips, drew an arrow from its quiver, then shot it with its bow. The next day, he found an ancient arrowhead where the warrior's arrow would have landed.
He was an EMT (This part was actually true) and en route to the scene of a motor vehicle crash, he started filling out the call sheet. He knew nothing about the patient other than that there had been a crash- no mention of how bad or the extent of injuries, if any, but he was somehow able to fill the entire sheet out, including name, date of birth, and cause of death. He arrived and found out that not only was it all true, but that he'd also gone to high school with the kid.
He and a buddy ran a website which listed a shit-ton of statistics about the military capabilities of various countries around the world. All publicly available info. I saw the website once; it looked like a very dull almanac. But this dude said it was so detailed that the FBI pulled him out of class shortly after 9/11 to debrief him because they wanted to know just how he came to know so much.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 19:47:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That they learned algebra in 2nd grade and then forgot all of it.
Someone else told me that they solved a Rubix cube when they were six with no help. They might have been a prodigy but knowing them it wasn't likely at all
pizzaratatoille · 2 points · Posted at 19:47:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"nah man I can't I'm out at the mall"......I called the home phone
fearlessandinventive · 2 points · Posted at 19:48:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My favorite was when he posted on FB about how, many years ago, he had received an acceptance letter from the US Naval Academy despite never having applied. He was musing about how his life would have been so different if he had accepted their offer.
No, no, no. You don't just randomly get accepted to the US Naval Academy. Not only do you have to apply, you have to receive a nomination meaning you basically have to ask a Congressman to say, "Hey, this is a good candidate for the Academy." There are some other ways, obviously, but you definitely don't just fall into "Oh, look, I got an acceptance letter!" There's an extensive application & interview process.
fug_nuggler · 2 points · Posted at 19:48:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One of my friends in highschool told me the following story.
He was dating a girl who he called the screamer or something like that (this story was apparently from grade 6 or 7) and he said you could hear her getting off from 2 floors away (yet also told me before he was a virgin so I'm confused how he knew this?). Anyways apparently he said her neighbor somehow tricked her into fucking a dog, filmed it, than extorted her to do other weird shit.
Whatever, but he than says to solve the problem he went to the guys house to beat him up (he's like 12 in this story remember) and ripped a gun out of his hands, knocked him out with it, than dismantled it in one swift motion, saving her.
The neighbor than hired goons to hunt him down and like some movie sequence kidnapped his girlfriend to get back at him. He than said he broke into their hideout after (somehow?) finding it. He than apparently got so angry he blacked out and woke up at the waterfront with her next to him.
She told him "I can't believe you killed all those guys with your bare hands". He told me she still texts him "Thank you for saving me" even thought they don't talk anymore. Don't remember all the details because he told me this in grade 10 (around 6 years ago for me). But he would tell the craziest shit haha.
cakebatter · 2 points · Posted at 19:48:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Very late to the party so this will get buried but here goes:
I had a close friend from about age 3 all the way through high school (our mothers were friends). Here are some of his choicest lies of all time:
One of my favorite stories happened a few years after I'd lost touch with him. He was on a religious retreat as a counselor with younger teens (he was probably 19 or 20 at the time). My brother who was probably about 22 or 23 was also involved on the church and on the retreat. After the retreat, my brother came to me and said, "You know, I know that Liar cheated on your friend and you guys had a bad falling out, but I really think you should reach out to him. He could use your friendship right now."
I said, "I didn't stop being friends with him because he cheated, I stopped being friends with him because he's a pathological liar and a bad person."
My brother said, "Even so, he's really going through something very serious and he could use yoru support--"
"--did he tell you he has cancer?"
"--well, yes. He gave a talk about it and what he's going through, he shared it with all the teens on the retreat and talked about his faith. He asked me not to say anything to you or our parents because there's a lot going on in his family and--"
"Yeah, he's lying. He's been lying about having cancer for YEARS. He does not have cancer as all of his ex-girlfriends, and his brother, and his parents can attest."
"--oh. Okay then."
liamquips · 2 points · Posted at 19:48:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew one in HS and it ranged from the tiny things to major. I really have no clue what was true and what wasn't.
She said she was adopted, her mom was a drug addict but wait shed met her and she was just too busy traveling. She was on the rowing team at another high school as the cockswain, but couldn't pronounce that word. She was recording a CD with her a capella group and they were being whisked around by record labels in limos. She attended various balls and discussed her outfits at length. She was the world record holder in some track event- discus, maybe. She was sexually abused and had an eating disorder but not one we'd heard of. It went on and on.
Weird thing was my mom knew her mom, and I'd been to her house. She may have actually been adopted but her family was pretty wealthy. I'm not sure why she felt the need to make up so much to make her life sound better.
hypnochild · 2 points · Posted at 19:49:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend in highschool that would make all sorts of outrageous claims and stories. She was always trying to convince me she could see dead people and had to help them move on. I usually just went with it because she seemed so convinced herself and i just did not have the energy to argue with her. One of the best/worst lies she told was that she was dying of eye cancer. After awhile of going on with this lie and nothing happening she eventually said it was all a mistake and that the doctors had mixed up her eye xrays with someone else's and of course she was just fine....
BrittneyMitts · 2 points · Posted at 19:50:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I used to work with a girl who was 20. She was always gossiping and chatting and stirring up trouble. When she first started working she would talk a lot about her ex and how they broke up because she can't have kids because she doesn't have a uterus anymore. She claimed to have had s hysterectomy. Fast forward about a year and she quit. And then word spread she was pregnant. And then she had a baby. All without a uterus apparently!
MyLittleOso · 2 points · Posted at 19:50:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not someone I really knew well, but was married to her brother so I heard a lot from the family. My sister-in-law would scam people constantly, convincing them that she had an art gallery in Palm Beach and was waiting for a wire transfer. She would literally be so indebted to so many people in the town she was living in, she had to leave. Next she convinced another town that she had cervical cancer and they started one of those 'jars at the grocery store ' campaigns. Needless to say, they were angry when they found out she was healthy and had not used the money on medical bills, but it was all spent. She moved yet again and found a man who actually fell for her. She had lied to him, but he forgave her when he found out. Then, karma actually kicked in. She found out she (legitimately) had terminal cancer. Passed away at 37. I'm not saying she, or anyone, deserves it, but it was as if her one of her lies finally became her reality.
ladymarie1 · 2 points · Posted at 19:50:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He had a tattoo on his back, but he couldn't show anyone because he had a phobia of showing his back. His name. His age, what his parents did for a living, his hobbies, his history present and future, he lied about every aspect of his life, he invented a son and an entire family. When we pulled him up on his lies, to try and help him he lied about them too. Last I heard he was married, I feel soo sorry for his wife. Unless she's a lie too?
Bogushizzall · 2 points · Posted at 19:52:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This was maybe 5-6 years ago, short chubby bald guy, think Danny DiVito, -60% intelligence, -99% success.
-"I own a mint condition Yenko Camaro" He took a picture next to one at a car show
-"If you fill the coolant lines of your car with cement, it works better" (for context this was in reference to drag racing)
-"China is going to be in real trouble, Samsung is going bankrupt." (for context, when asked if this was related to the Apple lawsuit, his response was "no". I have no further information... I am aware they are a South Korean company and tried to share this information.)
+"My brother is a professional chicken choker" (Upon further investigation this was found to be true, his brother worked for Tyson)
pearmonster · 2 points · Posted at 19:52:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm way too late for this, but my really good friend has always had a lying problem. They are never harmful so we actually kind get a kick out of it. Examples:
Funny thing is, my friend and I went out to eat with her parents once and her dad said "It's like the time in mexico we almost lost her to the river". Turns out that was true. I texted my friends and now we wonder if she's just the most interesting person alive.
RG_Mindstate · 2 points · Posted at 19:54:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Compulsive liar that I would humour and make it seems like I believed them.
There's probably more, but these are ones that stuck out. Haven't seen this person in over a decade, wonder if they are still up to it.
tinykitten97 · 2 points · Posted at 19:54:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
She told me that while visiting Florida she wrestled an alligator, I voiced my disbelief of the story.
She pushed me off my bike.
In fairness we were like nine but she hasn't really changed much.
SpartanLegend · 2 points · Posted at 19:55:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a kid in high school who CONSTANTLY tried to prove he was more masculine, strong, and buff than any guy in school, despite him being a skinny little guy who barely touched 5'4". Turned out he had an awful home life, so his lying and macho-making was just sad to me, but anyway:
He said that he once randomly woke up, and had lost ten pounds overnight. He then went immediately to the "gym" (I use quotes because he goes to planet fitness, not an actual gym) and worked out for 4 hours, and when he went on the scale he gained his 10 pounds back. That was what he responded when I asked how his weekend went.
Short of cutting off a limb, you cannot lose 10 pounds overnight. Also, you will not gain weight while working out (especially at a place like planet fitness that has very little accommodations for strength training and is mostly cardio) unless you are eating massive amounts of calories in between every rep and are somehow not puking.
I just responded "cool." and walked away.
mroglethorpe · 2 points · Posted at 19:58:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A brother and sister would like that their mom was in the CIA. She was always traveling on business. It turns out that she was a nursing center manager/inspector of some sort. I honestly don't know what to believe.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 19:58:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Multiple times I caught my ex wife fucked up. I'd say something like "just look in the mirror, you're high as fuck". Of course she claims she isn't.... never mind the oxycontin or percocet residue ALL OVER her fucking nose...aaaaaaaand what's why I have full custody of our children....
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 20:04:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I went into a game store with my buddies and apparently they were pals with the guy who owned the store. He was a short fat trollish looking human who did not appear to clean himself regularly. He spent most of his day playing LoL in the store screaming at the other players and masturbating in his upstairs office.
My buddies wind him up and bit and he starts telling the story of how he came to own the game shop, in his words:
Years ago he was struggling. He had done the main development work on Mario 64 but because he was American, the Japanese stole his work and never paid him. However when all seemed lost, he said he received a random PM on steam and it turned out to be this girl and her friends celebrating her 21st birthday. They allegedly worked out a deal to pay him $1M USD to sleep with all of them, to help them celebrate her friend's 21st birthday. He then used the money to open the game store.
10 "beautiful babes" paid this knuckle dragging troll 1 million dollars to fuck them. Uh huh. I still remember the elation on his face while he was telling the story. What a crack pot.
bearybrown · 1 points · Posted at 08:21:11 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
who owns game store now ! yodeling at backgrounds
Staceybunnie · 2 points · Posted at 20:05:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew this guy in college but I met him briefly in 9th grade before I transferred schools. The biggest reason I remembered him was because of his nose. It was large and squished in, like he had run into a wall and it squished and stayed that way. He didn't remember me from back then. Well he told people in college that the reason his nose was like that was because he was pistol whipped in the marines.
He was apparently born on a boat and it collided with another boat with his leg in between ALMOST severing his leg. It was able to be reattached. NO SCAR!!
He always seems to have some girlfriend on the other side of the country (so we conveniently never get to meet her). Gets engaged real fast. When it gets close to the time of the "wedding," suddenly they have to break up for some reason or another. One time he had break up with some girl because her dad had a heart attack in from of him and he had to save him. He said it freaked him out so he didn't want to see her anymore.
There are so many other stories I heard from him, but I haven't seen him for years so I can't remember. These are the main stories that stick out for me lol
TookLongWayHome · 2 points · Posted at 20:05:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There was this girl I worked with who ALWAYS had a "stalker". She always claimed he was sitting out in the parking lot watching her, or he follows her to grocery stores and whatnot. At first everyone believed her and would walk her to her car and go out to social events to protect her if he showed up. Later on she said he was finally in jail but the next week she claimed there was a new one. Turns out she was doing it all for the attention and once the attention went away after the first one was "jailed", she couldn't handle it. Also, we looked this guy up and there was no record of him being arrested (or even existing that we could find) I have another one but I'll do that in another comment.
Gingaskunk · 2 points · Posted at 20:06:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a female friend who lied habitually. As a group we all knew she did it so most outlandish things she swore were true we just tutted, shrugged and said, "yeah okay".
So one night we went out clubbing... I'm not much of a clubber so I mostly sat on the periphery watching others enjoy themselves.
She goes off dancing and comes back to our table with this young lad. They're talking and then sucking each other's face all night.
Turns out, although we came on the bus he has a car and offers us a lift back to hers (so kind of him! So considerate!).
I'm staying at her place that night so we get to her house, I leave them gettin' busy and go to bed since I have to work in the morning.
The next morning I'm sitting at work and I get a phone call from the local police station. They asked could I please come to the station as soon as possible, they have some questions about the events that transpired the previous night.
I have no idea what's going on but I leave work and it only turns out that she's accused this guy of raping her.... so the police asked me about what I knew. I told them everything I knew about it (that she was very willing the last time I saw them and that he was still in the house in the morning when I left since his car was parked outside).
Given her propensity for lies, her quick temper and for enjoying her lovemaking with many partners... I assumed that he said something in the morning to piss her off and this was her way to get back at him.
I have no idea what happened after that really. She didn't really talk about it, no charges were filed against the lad and it was never bought up again.
I still wonder sometimes if, like we all assumed, she had filed falsely, in which case I feel terrible for the guy. Or whether she actually had changed her mind at some point and he kept going, in which case I feel terrible for not believing her...
I guess I'll never know.
Rodent_Smasher · 2 points · Posted at 20:09:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Every pair of pants she owned she made herself. Even the lulu lemons.
Her uncle was Brian Adams and summer of 69 was about her aunt
Her ex husband (dead) Was CIA (we live in Canada) and he left her a lambo that she can't drive due to legal reasons.
She made a wooden necklace that works like a fitbit and charges with solar and can track her menstrual cycle.
This was my supervisor.
HamCracker · 2 points · Posted at 20:12:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Lets call him Bill. It starts out Bill going to the dealership to get a new car. Apparently the price for the car Bill wanted was too high for his liking, so how did he negotiate? He told the salesmen to "Go fuck yourself", then demanded half the price of which the salesmen was offering. Apparently the salesmen lowered the price multiple times, to which Bill would respond "Go fuck yourself" because he still wasn't satisfied with his price. Bill was now frustrated, so his new demand was that not only will they give him half the price off the car, but they will bring him Starbucks, and a grand piano to play in the dealership. Apparently Bill wound up playing a grand piano in the lobby of the dealership while drinking Starbucks and drove out the lot with a brand new car that he got for half price.
evcour7 · 2 points · Posted at 20:13:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
friend told me he was going to run a marathon. he never trained or anything and just ran from time to time but wasn't really serious about it. anyway, he left for this marathon at 9am in a town an hour away and arrived back at 1130am, claiming he had won his age group. anyone who can do simple arithmetic and knows anything about running knows how ridiculous this claim is.
HyperHampster · 2 points · Posted at 20:15:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I come across these types quite regularly. Every 4 years in fact. They always say they will do what's best for the country. It's become a rather long standing joke actually
Danosaur421 · 2 points · Posted at 20:16:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had an old close friend once tell me that he had bone cancer. I went out to dinner with him and his family and asked how the cancer treatments were going and how they were handling everything. They were confused as hell. Needless to say an awkward conversation ensued.
abductodude · 2 points · Posted at 20:16:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In late middle school I had a friend who told me that he had an elevator from his house to his grandma's, which he would take frequently. He said his family was rich and could afford such things. He just lived next door to her and tried to convince me constantly that it was true.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 20:16:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
A girl I was friends with since middle school used to tell our friends the craziest lies. Here are some of the ones I remember:
-Her mom sold her into the sex slave industry when she was in 7th grade
-Her parents died when she was 2 so she lived in an orphanage that was run by strict nuns. A few months later, we met her mom
-In freshman year, she tried to convince everyone she was 6 months pregnant. She kept changing it between 6 months and 6 weeks, changing her mind on who the baby daddy was. When we told her we knew she wasn't pregnant, she said they messed up on her sonogram and switched it with someone else's???
-She told us after school one day that the love of her life died on Flight 77 and that he showed up at her house before he was going to board the plane. She claimed she had a bad feeling and told him not to go, but he did. Never mind that we were 5 years old when 911 happened and we live in Texas
-She used to piss her pet cat off so he could scratch her. She would then tell everyone that she cut herself because she was so emo and had to go to therapy for self harming. (Her mom later told us she never went to therapy for that reason)
-She said she slept with everyone in the band A Day To Remember and was pregnant with all of their babies. Meaning she was carrying 5 babies at the time
-We lived right on the border of Mexico, so she said she used to sell cocaine for El Chapo and claimed she was his "right hand man" because he was her uncle
-She said a boy she was dating died because his mom punched him really hard. She also said he was a victim of a hit and run. And that his karate instructor killed him. And that he killed himself playing his guitar by strangling himself.
That's all I remember for now!
momoshoga · 2 points · Posted at 20:19:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In middles school my group of friend had a girl in our group that was a large compulsive liar. I think my other friends probably heard crazier shit then I did but here is what I remember:
Well none of us called her out on this shit because we were all certain that her father was beating her and it was the only thing she had going for her. I slept over at her house once to see what her home life was like and to see if her dad was as shitty as we thought. Turns out he was shitty and scary as fuck. We pissed her father off for being loud, typical preteen girls playing scary video games fun, the next morning he shoved me very forcefully into the couch. Pretty sure if I hit the wall it would have been a lot worse then me being fucking terrified. Tried to get my mom to call child services but was told I'm never sleeping at her house again.
Sorry for bad grammar and misspells.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 20:19:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
co-worker is a cow. she swears by the book she use to be a swim suit model in Sweden and i've confronted her for some picture proof. "they all burned in a house fire"
same co-worker says she can never lose weight because she's tried everything. stated she use to train all the now professionals you see on tv. confronted her about it and told her to come to the gym with me and "show me some things" (im an avid power lifter) she cant due to her messed up schedule (bitch i know your schedule, we work in the same office)
best one yet a fellow co worker asked me about scuba diving and was interested and the land cow chimes in: "i use to scuba dive without a tank. I can stay underwater for about 10 minutes" me: yeah you probably could since you're a manatee (i got in trouble for this one, but it was well worth it)
lonely_wildebeest · 2 points · Posted at 20:19:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This will get buried but why not. I knew a girl and I never knew her entire backstory but it was clearly shady. She returned to our city after having been gone a long time, with an infant son. She said his father had died but I never knew the exact details. She at first seemed cool and mysterious, she was a decent musician, and had lots of stories about being on the west coast and meeting various famous musicians when she was younger. She did legit have a Polaroid of a probably 21 year old Bono in a scrapbook so at first I was dazzled by her, she was older than me, and seemed to have lived all this experience, man. Anyway it soon became clear that she lied constantly. She told me her mom wasn't living, then a few months later introduced me to her mom. She had various stories about where she had lived, the kid's dad, and the timelines never quite made sense.
But the most egregious--she claimed to have known Kurt Cobain briefly before he died. She said they met at some kind of small local show, and talked about depression. She said Courtney was awful and jealous of him speaking to her so they left and as he stood to leave he said to her, "Keep passing the open windows." This is a quote from The Hotel New Hampshire she told me and explained it's significance. In her mind this made it even sadder he killed himself.
A few months later, she tells me about meeting the Gin Blossoms at another small club before they got famous. She tells me about chatting with Doug Hopkins, the founding member who killed himself in 1993. She says they talked about depression, music, he was a great guy, it was clearly really deep and meaningful, and as he stood to leave, he said to her "Keep passing the open windows". I felt badly for her because clearly she had some tortured artist shiz going on, but after that I felt like I couldn't believe anything she'd ever told me about herself and therefore I didn't really know her at all.
BriannaBean · 2 points · Posted at 20:21:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My cousins ex wife announced her pregnancy at my little sisters graduation party. No one believed her and started questioning her.
"How do you know you're pregnant? When did you take a test? Have you been to the doctor?"
Her response, "All of my pregnancy tests said I wasn't pregnant and we (she and my cousin) went to the doctor and he said I wasn't pregnant, but after (my cousin) left the room I told the doctor I was LACTATING and he said 'oh then you're totally pregnant'"
Then a week later she called my mom and I to tell us she had a miscarriage two weeks ago.
My mom: "So before the party?"
Silence.
greensoon · 2 points · Posted at 20:22:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Told professors, friends, and everyone else that he would be absent often during the semester because he had lung cancer, and needed a lung transplant. Not only is getting lung cancer at 23 really really rare, but he doesn't even smoke. He also lied about having a girlfriend at another school (didn't have any photos, she didn't have a Facebook, whatever), and having jobs that he obviously didn't, as confirmed by friends who actually worked at these places.
ThisGuy182 · 2 points · Posted at 20:23:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One of my girlfriends childhood friends. So much bullshit to pick from.
My personal favorite is that one of the guys from shark tank was flying her out to NYC to hear her sing because he was dying from cancer and her voice was his only medicine.
Dead fucking serious.
weekend_fun · 2 points · Posted at 20:25:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This one time a guy told us that in one traffic stop he got 96 points on his record....but only got his license suspended for the summer. Only the summer. He got his license back labor day weekend...
serjjohn15 · 2 points · Posted at 20:25:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I once had a coworker who asked me how my weekend went. After telling her (female about 40 y/o) about my mediocre weekend she proceeded to tell me about how her fiance (who she compulsively lied about existing and lived in London) flew her to London from Kentucky on his private jet because he didn't want to have to go to dinner with the royal family by himself. So she had to stop in New York so she could buy suitable attire before going to what was ultimately a rather boring evening at Buckingham Palace. If you're going to lie, lie big.
Larry_Mudd · 2 points · Posted at 20:26:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My estranged sister was a compulsive liar, and also not very bright. This led to many comically transparent lies.
The last Christmas I had to spend with her, she freaked out when she saw me add a little bit of mayonnaise to the whipped potatoes I was making. She said her son had a severe allergy to mayonnaise. "He could die!"
"So wait, he's allergic to eggs?" "No." "He's allergic to vegetable oil?" "No." "He has a rare vinegar allergy?" "No, of course not." "So what is he allergic to, specifically? This is important to know, since we're all preparing a communal meal." "I ALREADY TOLD YOU, HE'S ALLERGIC TO MAYONNAISE. HE COULD DIE."
And this is with the kid standing right there, poor little guy.
Basalted · 2 points · Posted at 20:26:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy I went to high school with was (is) a compulsive liar, mostly in the area of one upping anyones story. It got frustrating because the lies he would tell were so obviously lies that I could only assume he must have thought we were idiots.
One of the best was him claiming to have gotten a cute teachers phone number, we called him out and when he went to show her to us in contacts he slowly realized he must have deleted it.
My personal favorite was his list of university choices, he had been given full scholarships to several universities for various sports including a rugby scholarship, a hockey scholarship, and even one he was given for being "a good all around athlete", which we nicknamed his gym class hero scholarship. He must have turned them all down because he chose to instead be a server at a pasta joint.
He once told me he had a burger for lunch when he had pizza. For some reason this one bothered me way more than all the others combined.
davinhci · 1 points · Posted at 20:34:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
How dare he made pizza his side chick!!!!!
ki299 · 2 points · Posted at 20:28:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My mother is a compulsive liar Among many of the things wrong with her But anyway..
I came up 800 miles to visit for Christmas week and she didn't show up at all to come see me. She told us that she was busy Getting her dog put down at a shelter two days before Christmas... I looked up the hours of all of the shelters around within a reasonable area and they were all closed for basically that week because of the holidays.
I found out that my mother went to go get some cocaine and basically get completely fucked up... its a few years later now she is still fucked up and still has her dog.. Along with all her kids that she can hardly afford to feed.
I could go on forever with many stories and examples of her lies but i wont.
tl:dr my mother is horrible human that leeches off the government and does a lot of drug and does nothing but lie.
camelz4 · 2 points · Posted at 20:29:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend in high school whose boyfriend was a compulsive liar. He told her he was having open heart surgery the next day and said he had a 30% chance of living. The day after the "surgery" she saw him riding a scooter and confronted him about it. His excuse was that his doctor gave him the scooter to exercise his heart. Surprisingly she stayed with him after all this.
gtaguy75 · 2 points · Posted at 20:30:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I grew up with a guy whose mom paid for the down payment on his home. He denied it, I knew the realtor, and went on to tell me that he saved all of his birthday money, allowance, milestones, etc. Straight face too.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 20:30:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
/u/PB1541 I wonder if we know anyone...
PB1541 · 1 points · Posted at 12:50:33 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
At least 4 xD
YESthisisnttaken · 2 points · Posted at 20:31:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
ITT: Compulsive liars lying about meeting compulsive liars telling compulsive lies
jhughes1986 · 2 points · Posted at 20:33:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This one guy used to try and tell us that we landed on the moon!
faster_than_sound · 2 points · Posted at 20:33:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Kid in highschool claimed that his parents had a private bridge that stretched from Key West to Cuba that only they were allowed to travel on by permission of Fidel Castro. Yeah.
Also had a friend who was dating a compulsive liar who claimed she owned 10 high performance street racing cars. Girl didn't even have a drivers license. Every time I asked "can we see them?", there would be some excuse like they were all locked up in high security storage, or that all of them were being worked on, etc.
That stuff didn't nearly bother me as much as her lying about stupid little shit, like saying she had seen a movie when I could tell she hadnt. I would always corner her with questions about the plot, or who her favorite character was and why, and blah blah blah, and she could never give e a straight answer. Example, she claimed she had seen Cannibal! The Musical, and that it was one of her all time favorite movies.
"Oh really? What's your favorite song?"
"......they're just all so good I can't choose"
"Just pick one. Any one."
"....I just can't decide between any of them"
"Name one song from the movie"
"............."
She also claimed she was a big time drug dealer when she was 11. That was another funny one.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 20:33:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I wonder what pathological liars who are reading this thread think. Do they realize they have a problem?
Devoff · 1 points · Posted at 22:21:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"they" do
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:46:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
?
KevBago · 2 points · Posted at 20:41:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend who lied he has cancer to keep his then girlfriend from breaking up with him. He claimed he was part of a wealthy mafia that his family started. He said was a drug trafficker and was banking a lot of money. This was an obvious lie because he had a huge tab at a local hookah lounge and he was couch jumping.
The_ill_Advisor · 2 points · Posted at 20:41:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Probably too late, but: 1st roommate I ever had was a real piece of work (and by "work" I mean "shit"). He told me that he saw Slenderman when he was a kid. Oh yeah, and also the dog from smile.jpg. Basically every internet horror-hoax that exists, yep, he's seen it in real life and it's all real! One day I came home from work and the internet was cut off. He says "Oh, they accidentally cut off our internet but said they would turn it back on for a $20 fee, I think we should just try to get internet from another company b/c that's BS!" It was bullshit, dude just stopped paying the bill, OF COURSE. One day he gets fired from Target. Tells us this story about how he was framed for stealing from them but then was found to be innocent, and that he considered suing, but just felt it was better to cut his losses and leave. ACTUALLY, the arrest section of the town newspaper informed us that he did indeed steal from Target (he stole fucking giftcards lol) and that the cops arrested him and everything, but he was freed when Target decided to just fire him instead of pressing charges. It got to a point where he could say "hello" and I'd still be skeptical.
Arod192 · 2 points · Posted at 20:44:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Friend told me that when he went to San Francisco for an internship he met another intern, let's call her Hannah. Anyways my friend told me that they were messing around and that she wanted to have sex but he didn't have any condoms. So what he said was that the closest Gas Station was 10 miles away and that he ran there and back in 30 minutes (This is from a guy who had a heat stroke from running for 10 minutes). He said he bought 3 condoms and had sex 4 times reusing 1 condom...
Another one from the same friend was him having sex with his neighbor..
Him meeting a cancer patient who hacked into his phone and got into his files. He ended up becoming friends with her and told us all about it...
He and a group of hackers were in a chat room when someone from ISIS joined without being invited and they had to stop him from hacking everyone...
That he hacked into our phones through the WiFi and saw all the messages and files on our phones. He even tried to make up stories that we talked to someone when we haven't spoken to them for ages. He said he did this so that he can input his firewall so he can protect us from other hackers
Yea.... This same friend didn't even graduate high school.
matthewxknight · 2 points · Posted at 20:44:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Two key lies of one of my fraternity brothers:
He has had this one going for a while with those of us pursuing law enforcement/federal security careers. He allegedly had/has an internship with CIA. Believable, right? Yes, it is.... until he claimed that he has been working in espionage, has clearance to nuclear weapons, and helped escort the mayor of Memphis, TN, to safety during a publicly undisclosed terrorist attack. Bullshit.
This one makes me mad. During a fraternity retreat, he brought all of us brothers together in a room to tell us he was dying of a degenerative brain disease and that he only had six months at best to live. He "couldn't remember the name of the disease," and had a few of our more gullible brothers in tears. He also told us not to ask or mention it to his family because it would upset them (big red flag). This was almost a year ago. The last time a brother brought it up, he said he was on an experimental drug (which he also "couldn't remember the name of") that was reversing the effects. Again, bullshit.
Woosung_lala · 2 points · Posted at 20:44:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This ex friend of mine once a year used to tell us she went to Korea. Never a single photo of hers in Korea on her social media. She give as "proof" photos of some korean cosmetic items that she can buy at any dedicated store. Plus she says she is half korean but in truth she is 100% pure Andean heritage.
yupyepyupyep · 2 points · Posted at 20:48:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I love M&Ms. I always have them in stock. When I purchase a large bag, I pour them into a sealable jar to keep them fresh and leave them on the counter. I always ask my wife if she wants any, and she says "no" every single time.
But I couldn't believe a human being wouldn't want at least a couple of M&Ms now and again. I mean, she likes chocolate. So I thought she may be sneaking M&Ms while I was out of sight.
This began my daily ritual of weighing the M&M jar on a digital kitchen scale each morning while she is in the shower, logging the weight, and then comparing it when I return home.
That little liar has been eating an average of about 3 M&Ms per day.
Devoff · 1 points · Posted at 21:50:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
maybe she said no cuz she already had some
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 20:51:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That she jumped off of a local bridge, hit her head on a rock, and lived, her dad had one arm, that she had cancer, and that she was abused at home when she in fact wasn't. Friends and I compiled all of her daily lies over a few months and gave her the papers of them one day. She wasn't happy.
Bubbleyfication · 2 points · Posted at 20:51:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My ex ... we had dated for three months, back in ninth grade. He lived about thirty minutes away and we never got to see each other so I broke it off. After breaking it off according to him his life went to shit. He started messaging me and my sister on facebook these are in no particular order but all happened in a two week period:
Hit by a car
Became addicted to crack
Got in a fight at a public school that won't even allow them to go in with cell phones much less weapons and was stabbed
two days later got stabbed at school again
I then saw unexpectedly saw him skateboarding with the guy he said stabbed him and he definitely wasn't in pain from being ran over or stabbed... until I walked up to him and said "oh you seem to be doing well considering what you've been through lately" and then he started limping and holding his back. We still laugh at him to this day
yabluko · 2 points · Posted at 20:52:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
guy i once knew, who happens to be a complete sociopath, used to tell every one he had to clean up his dead best friends room after he had shot himself with a shotgun. sometime later his dad told me this wasnt true and that after the suicide he avoided going to his house for a very long time, so it's impossible that he was there to clean up the crime scene gore.
JComposer84 · 2 points · Posted at 21:06:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
i can't believe most of these reposes. Great stuff. Mine isn't nearly as good, but I know a guy who claims he lived with a colony of Buddhist monks in Tibet, and didn't speak for a year.
He also says he witnessed the monks, during a tantric meditative event of course, levitate a 2,000 lb. boulder 3 inches off the ground.
sorrytryanotherone · 2 points · Posted at 21:09:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
oh, man, too bad i'm seeing this so late. i'm like a magnet for pathological liars! the worst liar:
said he can't get laid because he fucks minimum 8-10 hours as hard & fast as he can and word spread to all women that he destroys pussies, so they're all scared of his dick.
said he was playing around on a guitar at sam goody and bono from u2 happened to be there, heard him & was so impressed he told him to come audition for the band because he'd love to have him but he needed to run it by the rest of the band first. he claimed he didn't do it because he couldn't get to ireland and didn't want to sound demanding asking them to fly him there.
claimed he stopped an armed robbery at a 711 by himself & disarmed the 4 robbers but left quickly before the news crew or police arrived because he didn't want attention.
claimed he hit a home run over 800 feet and would have signed with a major league team but he hurt his knee before the draft and couldn't play anymore.
plus lots more but that's what i remember for now.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 21:09:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I dated one once - his lies weren't as ridiculous as the other stories here, but it's the reason I broke up with him.
I was drunk and his lap top was sitting on his bed. I tripped on the cord and the computer smashed onto the ground. I offered to pay to have it fixed. I take it into the repair shop, and a couple days later he calls me and tells me the shop called him and his computer is ready. The store closes a 4, and I am working til 3 about an hour outside of town. I rush there and get there with 5 minutes or so to spare, only for them to tell me the computer isn't ready yet. I asked him why he told me it was ready when it wasn't, and he said he "must have called the wrong shop". Like why would a random shop your computer isn't at, tell you your computer is ready to be picked up?
He didn't have a car (now a requirement for me in any boyfriend I date), but I don't like driving all that much, so I would let him drive us around. One day we pull up to his parent's house, and his mother asks me why he is driving. I said he wanted to. She tells me not to let him do that because he doesn't have a driver's license! I tell him his mom said he didn't have a driver's license, and he says he does, but he can't show it to me because he left it at his old house in another city?
-I made pretty good money, and he lied (by a lot) about how much he made to make it sound like he made more money than me. I saw one of his pay stubs.
-One time he invited me to some event, and I told him I couldn't go because it was my friend's birthday. He told me he had already bought my ticket, and it was nonrefundable. When we get to the event, he paid for the tickets. I didn't even catch on to this until after we broke up and I was thinking about all the things he lied about. For that same event, I was supposed to be at his house at a certain time, but I text him and told him I was running late. I'm going to say I was about an hour late. A couple weeks later, his friends yelled at me how he had told him I was 3 hours late and didn't even call, and how rude that is. Considering I didn't even want to go, he was lucky I showed up at all!
He actually did THAT a lot. Would say he had booked a hotel or a camp site or whatever, even though he didn't.
I feel like I'm a really honest person - lying doesn't even cross my mind as an option most of the time, or if it does, I can't think up a decent lie quickly enough (unless it were a simple yes or no type of question) - so I couldn't be with someone who lies like that. It really kind of creeps me out.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 21:17:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Background: He's a very wealthy guy (family money) who went to a very prestigious college and proceeded to take 6.5 years to graduate with a 2.5 GPA in physics. He simply refused to do the work. He spent the vast majority of his time hanging out at his fraternity house, where he was somewhat of a chapter-wide joke/punching bag. He did crazy things like wear a $600 plaid suit to a paint party and bring massive bottles of insanely expensive alcohol to random parties, but he was best known for his ridiculous lies.
Some of his best were
He claimed to be living on a boat he purchased with money made from good investments (he was living in a satellite house of his fraternity)
He claimed he had secured a job he could do remotely and was planning to sail around South America in his boat while making six figures (he had no boat and worked for university admissions for $12 an hour).
He claimed to have had 65 drinks in one night (he blacked out around 15 and the bartender was giving him water shots. His bill had 20 drinks on it, some of which he'd bought for friends/girls).
He claimed to have taken the MCAT just for fun without studying and scored a 39 (99th percentile) (he never took the MCAT, he was on academic probation most of his college career).
He claimed to have bought his shiny red classic Ferrari, which he polished in his fraternities driveway every day for an entire semester, with his own money (it was his dad's car).
He claimed to be able to drive from downtown Baltimore to the heart of DC in 25 minutes (no one can do this without a powerful sports car, no traffic, and 0 cops on the road).
Apart from those there were the typical lies. He must have claimed to have slept with at least 50 girls he never slept with. He lied about how much money he had all the time. He claimed his money came from his own business ventures rather than his parents. He lied about setting the curve on exams. It goes on.
He was also the kind of guy who would do shit like put you on the spot asking to drive your car in front of a bunch of people so you felt like you had to say yes (I never did, but I saw him do this to other people). Meanwhile, he's an awful driver who was known for totaling his vehicles and driving drunk on a regular basis (even with unknowing passengers after a party). He was the sort of guy who would have a sober person offer to drive his car home, and he'd refuse and try to pressure that person into letting him drive them home instead.
Reyaweks · 2 points · Posted at 21:24:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Things I remember (there were too many things said to count)
"I bench 650" -scrawny 16 year old
From russia, trained by KGB
on a camping trip this guy was found drinking a coke, when accused of stealing from the only guy who had coke he claimed he found it in a vending machine in the woods, when he couldnt locate the vending machine, he said someone must have moved it.
general nonsense about fighting off bullies/home intruders/bad guys
AvianAttorney · 2 points · Posted at 21:25:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He told me that Kanye bought one of his beats. I really REALLY love this dude though, hes my best friend I just don't believe it for a second. He lies about grandiose shit to our friend group but he doesn't lie to hurt people so I just give him the old 'smile and nod'.
thepeaglehasglanded · 2 points · Posted at 21:26:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I used to work with a morbidly obese girl who was clearly very sad. Literally every single conversation would be a continuation of a fantasy world she had created. She lied about being engaged twice, that she was looking after twin children as a foster parent because a family member died, that she had to get a dangerous dog license for her dogs because of the kids and so on. Every single word she said was fiction.
This in of itself is just sad, what makes this truly remarkable was that she was sharing a house with someone who also worked at the same company and they drove in to work together every morning. There was simply no possible way her lies could stand up.
It was really sad and I wouldn't be surprised if she is dead now.
Shit story but just a heads up, compulsive liars are probably extremely unhappy.
Touchthefuckingfrog · 1 points · Posted at 09:26:50 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Having been a compulsive liar, I can at least say for sure that I was and frequently still am extremely unhappy and had very low self esteem. Lying almost becomes an addiction
Aegisexe · 2 points · Posted at 21:26:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Still friends with this person. (Friend with benefits for a while)
Told me one morning that she was black out drunk during sex with the fine line of "any other girl would have considered it rape". My reply was "so that's how I woke up in the middle of the night with you naked on top of me".
Told me countless times that she couldn't get pregnant but wanted kids (I'm smart enough not to take that at face value). Later said someone got her pregnant and had to have an abortion.
She just "didn't understand" how she woke up naked in another mans bed and got pregnant, because both her and the man were blackout drunk. We both know this man, and it's not her boyfriend.
I actually confronted her on the last one. Basically said that either you knew/he knew/or both mutually had sex, otherwise it was rape. she just replied with I believe him (that he didn't know). This is the same person happy to tout feminism, and 'rape' culture without a second wind.
PrintOnly4Now · 2 points · Posted at 21:27:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Used to have a pen pal in Hull, England, in the 1980s that would write the most amazing lies... The last letter was "Sorry I hadn't written for awhile, but.. 1) A friend of mine is hiding from the I.R.A. and I had to drive him to some town 100 miles away; 2) Might have cancer (or some other disease)- but seems to be ok now; 3) Met with some famous pop star who wants to record my songs [can't remember who]; 4) Girlfriend might be pregnant; 4) Dog died.
He tried to connect with me on FB recently... looks absolutely terrifying. I declined.
TheBitchIsBack666 · 2 points · Posted at 21:28:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
sigh my ex. He invented the pretzel, he was turned down for the army because he would be too dangerous in combat. He was an official state of Colorado registered ninja and his hands/feet were registered lethal weapons. He used to be the drummer for KISS, he was close personal friends with some members of Slipknot. He had a bunch of diseases named after him. He had personal ties to some sort of Denver mafia. He could make a gun out of anything. He was a certified genius. He "had a hand" in creating dungeons and dragons. He wrote "homestar runner" under a pseudonym. He hinted that he actually was cheesy 80's singer Bryan Adams.
A_Turkey_Named_Jive · 2 points · Posted at 21:31:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy I went to High School with. A few of my favorites.
1.) While on a dirt bike he hit a jump, did a backflip, and landed in the bed of a moving pickup truck.
2.) While at a bar (keep in mind he is like 17 at this point) a black guy (he made sure to note he was black) pulled a knife on him. He kicked the knife into the air and grabbed it, which scared the other guy into leaving the bar.
3.) My favorite. He asked the teacher if he could run to his locker to get a HW assignment. I had to use the restroom so I followed him out. He also went to the bathroom, and never even went to his locker. Dude loved lying so much he would even lie about going to his locker vs the bathroom.
WittyJackson · 2 points · Posted at 21:32:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy I work with, bless him... He is really nice, but just feels the need to appear more interesting than he is.
~He is a direct descendant from Vlad The Impaler aka Dracula.
~He can hold his breath under water for 8 minutes because he has DNA similar to a dolphin. A quote 'I simply have TOO much Hemoglobin in my blood.'
~Once a knife fell off his desk and stabbed into his leg. At that very moment his girlfriend wanted to have sex with him. Once he had 'finished her off' he passed out from blood loss.
~He has to wear a silver necklace because if he doesn't he gets 'agro' at full moon and 'can't control himself'.
~Ex Frontman of a Metalica tribute band.
~He used to be ghost hunter and is still visited by the recently dead in his dreams, but of course he isn't allowed to talk about that anymore because he has recently 'found his faith' again.
Way too many to remember them all but we all just go along with it because it's funny as hell. Again, nice guy but damn... He doesn't know when to stop!
Gabbywakeup · 2 points · Posted at 21:32:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know one! A knew a guy from high school who told me that after an accident (a real one) that his doctor told him he had internal bleeding. When I asked why he wasn't rushing to the hospital, he told me it was a slow bleed and he has months to come up with the money for the surgery. Then he tells me Christmas is his "expiration date" per his doctor. This boy told his mother he was going to die on Christmas. Christmas was months away at this point. Magically December 26th comes and he's still alive. I tried to give him an out to save face at this point but no. He told me scientists were so amazed he survived that they believe he has genetically superior blood and they were going to do studies. No results have come in and this was ten years ago. He's still alive and, from what I can tell, still lying.
PurpleCantaloupe · 2 points · Posted at 21:33:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not sure if I'm reading about a pathological liar, or if I'm reading the writing of one.
MontyHallsGoatthrowa · 2 points · Posted at 21:33:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I wonder if anyone is making these up.
Temps_once · 2 points · Posted at 21:34:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So this chick who was an acquaintance:
-said she was the most popular girl (doubtful because weeaboos usually aren't) in school but then she dropped out, lied that she got her GED
-said her family was super rich until her dad made "too much money" (actually committed fraud to Marines)
-claimed that her "fiance" was filthy rich but they lived in a rundown apartment
-borrowed money to go to an anime convention and said she would pay it back/not to tell her "fiance" (because he has a lot of money and doesn't want her to borrow) . . . It took a potential small claim lawsuit to pay back $320
-lied that her "fiance" was going to buy her a super expensive car or a boob job
-had three pregnancies but conveniently miscarried when asked for proof
-tried to claim every female that talked to her "fiance" wanted to sleep with him
Exodus111 · 2 points · Posted at 21:36:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy I used to train with, this is his best story.
He was attacked by a Ninja Master, who, after he defended himself perfectly for the 20 minute fight, invited him to train in the forbidden city in China. He went and spent most of a year there.
He was 25 when he told us this story, I kid you not.
scientist_tz · 2 points · Posted at 21:37:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One kid back in 7th/8th grade. Every school has this kid. Every school probably has multiples of this kid..
The usual list of grammar school lies:
That kid would go on to be infamous for breaking his arm in an incident where he got hit by a car while dancing in the street while waiting for the school bus. A week later he broke his other arm doing the exact same thing. That's not a lie because we all saw it happen.
Willqwertyz · 2 points · Posted at 21:41:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Guy I knew in high school told told me some crazy stories. -he had a all expenses paid trip to Vegas but didn't go because he forget to print the tickets -he was top in the world at multiple racing games but he couldn't show because his brother played on his account.
ledlyfe · 2 points · Posted at 21:44:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a girl in high school who insisted she was a model and she had no time for anyone. She would stop you in mid-conversation and say "hold on its my agent" and just start yapping into the phone likes she little miss busy. MIND YOU there was never a ring or a vibrate before hand. Yes I'm male and I can safely say if I was a modelling agent I wouldn't let her model gloves.
DangerKong · 2 points · Posted at 21:44:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"One time some buddies and I dressed up in SWAT gear and busted a friend's party in a bad neighborhood and when he was freaking out I pulled up my mask and revealed it was just a prank"
"My friends and I have fight clubs on a farm outside town once a month. The only rule is no face shots, since we have work."
"There's this british girl I know from my cosplay group who wants me to dump my girlfriend and come live with her in her incredible mansion, the only requirement being we have sex every day. She even video called me and walked around, so I know it's real."
Daread0 · 2 points · Posted at 21:50:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Met a Scottish guy who was a friend of a friend once. He told us all these ridiculous stories about how many degrees he had, how his dad was CEO of BP and how he was now so rich he never needed to work again.
At the end of our night out it turned out he lived miles away and had nowhere to stay. Made up stories about a taxi strike and not liking hotels so he could stay on our sofa.
When asked why all the taxis in Edinburgh were on strike in the middle of the Fringe festival his response was "that's the thing.. I just don't know!"
Can't remember his real name, but we now all call him the last king of Scotland
griszztly · 2 points · Posted at 21:52:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My own!
I told him a story a while back about my friend Johnny waking up after a one night stand with a 40 year old to find her pissing on his feet.
The cunt then told me the exact same story about a week later. But it was HIS friend Johnny (he doesn't know Johnny by the way, 0 mutual friends) - he'd added the bowl that the lady has placed under Johnny's feet so she didn't piss on her carpet, he added a full conversation between the participants, Johnny's fictional reaction to said pissing and a load of other details.
Fucking asshole.
youmeanddougie · 2 points · Posted at 21:52:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I dated a compulsive liar for 10 years. The trick to picking out her lies is when she anticipates my reaction to something she is about to tell me and already gives me a rebuttal before I even have a chance to comprehend what's going on. At least that's how it was in my case.
Real life example:
My ex was bugging me about adopting a dog for a few weeks. I love dogs. I love them so much that I would never adopt one unless I knew I could financially and physically support it. We, unfortunately, were not at a place that we could do that. We discussed it...agreed it would be a bad idea.
One night, I noticed she was looking up dog for adoption on the computer. I didn't mention anything and just sent on with my day.
The next day, she came bursting into my work..."You will never guess what happened...I was driving to Target and someone left this poor doggy on the side of the road with no food or water or anything. I know we said we couldn't afford a dog but, I couldn't let this poor pup die on the side of the road right?"
I calmly looked her in the eyes and said, "SO.....are you sure this dog didn't come from one of the adoption pages you were looking at last night and you made up that story so I would feel guilty and have to take the dog in?"
A customer I was helping out at the time immediately followed with, "oh snap! You got called out!"
plotrcoptr · 2 points · Posted at 22:00:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In college I lived with a guy who pretended to be attending classes. He just played WoW all day, went to bed at 4am, and slept in past noon. One time I was walking down the stairs and saw him come out of his room (it was on the main floor) wearing a backpack and then he went out the back door outside. I proceeded to go to the living room and I looked out the side windows and could just see the top of his head as he walked around the entire house, then up the front stairs, and then back into the house where I ran into him and as he threw off his backpack he said "Oh hey! Yeah I just got back from class!".
andrewsank · 2 points · Posted at 22:06:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One time in elementary school, my friend (he mostly just followed me around at recess) tried convincing me that his gf gave birth to his daughter in Las Vegas after they met 3 months ago while he was on vacation there with his family. Keep in mind, we were in 3rd grade.
BornNRaised415 · 2 points · Posted at 22:12:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A buddy from HS just couldn't ever stop himself from lying. He'd go on with the most ridiculous stories if anyone listened. I ran into him after I'd graduated from college and was working at an on-campus recruitment event.
He said he was still in college because he joined the army and was now an army ranger, transferred from a junior college to Cal, but transferred out to a State school because "Cal was too easy," took up boxing and "won the Golden Gloves," started judo at Cal and went all state while he was there, was currently on his way to judo training, and was also an army medic on the weekends. This all supposedly happened in the 3 years since I'd seen him last.
Farghobbles · 2 points · Posted at 22:12:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
My brothers friend. He know's I'm an ex-Marine, and he thought he could convince me he was a green beret in Fallujah during Operation: Iraqi Freedom. He would have been like 12. He also told me about how his Gunnery Sgt commended him for some heroic bullshit. I pointed out to him that Gunnies are only in the Corps. He said, "Well, I mean whatever the army equivelant is". He also claims he worked for Blackwater in Afghanistan, and now he's currently in training to be a secret service agent.
I haven't seen him in a while, but every time I do, I'm genuinely worried I might end up beating him to death.
Edit: Ok I guess he's done being a secret service agent, now he's helping test military exoskeletons on secret missions. This is according to his facebook which I just had my bro check...
dragonmom1 · 2 points · Posted at 22:12:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This guy I knew claimed:
-- His parents were founders of CBS but died in a plane crash so he was adopted by a family who only adopted him because of the monthly stipend from his inheritance. However, he looked identical to everyone in his family who I met and they also lived in the boonies way far away from Hollywood where he had supposedly grown up. Also I looked online for any mention of CBS founders, executives, or anyone important who had died in a plane crash and found nothing.
-- He and his birth family were the models for the Addams Family comic strip. Problem with this one? He was born in the 60's and the comic strip was first published in 1938.
-- He claimed his model train set was the original from the Addams Family TV show. I'm pretty certain it was a replica since it looked awfully shiny and new. Though he did have the track rigged up to blow up (i.e. the bridge popped off with a puff of smoke) and crash the train.
bigsexy63 · 2 points · Posted at 22:12:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
18 year old kid in school tells everyone he is a marine. Says he has been in for four years. The actual veterans and basically everyone else won't talk to him.
WeegeeJuice · 2 points · Posted at 22:13:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was dating this girl that told me a number of lies that she managed to string together. She claimed to be a part of a fighting club in Chicago (we lived in a suburb). That a number of her friends at the fight club were very jealous that I was dating her. Last but certainly not least, one of the kids at the fight club, who was previously in juvie, was trying to kill me. We were 11.
kmart120916 · 2 points · Posted at 22:21:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A friend's roommate in college was constantly popping ridiculous crap out, here's a few I remember:
-stepped on a rattlesnake, killed it with his hands, made it into a belt
-drove LeBron James' dad's H3 hummer
-flew with his girlfriend in a private airplane that she owned from Ohio across the border into Canada and back (not sure this is legal)
-wrote the main cadence in the movie drumline (was 12 when it came out)
-received a "scholarship offer" to run track for the University of Michigan. There really was an official U of M packet of paper on his desk but my buddy looked at the content and it was a transfer application
He was one of those kids whose clothing and personality would change based on who he hangs out with. Examples: Preppy kid, country boy, athlete (complete with wrist tape and eye black for flag football), armed forces member, inner city thug
For some reason I haven't spoken to him since college...
lukaskhan · 2 points · Posted at 22:24:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
She took part in a 10 mile road race under a friend's name, but can't remember the name of the friend to prove it
savedbyscience21 · 2 points · Posted at 22:25:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had a coworker who was in the airforce. I don't doubt that, but what he said that I do doubt is that he was an A-10 pilot. He said he was in northern Iraq during the first golf war protecting the Kurds from Saddam. His A-10 flying days ended when he crashed his fighter during landing because he had a heart attack. He had a heart attack because they were all doing speed to stay awake during their missions. I have done what I could to see if there is any truth to his story and found nothing. He also was the most annoying person In The world if you ever tried to talk to him. But luckily he got fired last February. And they found a bunch of fucked up porn on his work computer after he left.
Ughhhh_ok · 2 points · Posted at 22:29:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A little backstory: the summer before highschool, this kid moved from south Florida to my small hometown. Two of my friends and I were the first three people that he met. He immediately was attention seeking and acted very strangely and rudely to other people to try to impress us. He was very weird but became close with my boyfriend at the time, so he was always around.
He somehow became "popular"; assumedly because his mother always let us party at their house. They had a beautiful pool and guest house and we were always provided with food and alcohol and lots of pot and everyone just sort of shrugged off his bizarre behavior.
At some point several years later he hooked up with someone who was under aged (he was 17 and she allegedly lied and said she was a lot older. She gave him a bj, her mom finds out and presses charges. The local paper only referred to it sodomy, it was a wild ride) and ended up on house arrest and everyone still partied with him. I guess maybe from stress and too much partying, he started to deteriorate mentally? Idk, his bizarre behavior turned into pathological lying.
Here are some of the most bizarre lies:
-He told everyone that he was a CFO for a company (can't remember the name of the company, but we googled it and it existed. He, however, had no part in the company at all) and was slapping the companies stickers all over town. Pitching to us (we were in highschool..) for "investments". He went to the local skatepark and advertised a company funded skateboarding competition. He charged poor elementary school - middle school kids $5 entry and proceeded to just bail out with all of their money. Parents lost their shit on him. (Everyone new his name, small town, he was in the paper as stated previously, etc.) The middle school kids ended up jumping him and beating the shit out of him.
-He told us that he visited home (Cocoa Beach, Fl) and took these two hot girls from the bar (mind you, he was 17) down to the beach one night. While they were in the midst of having the dirtiest threesome ever, a NAVY SEAL comes out of the water and points to him and says, "we need you." The rest of the story was classified top secret, so he couldn't share anymore.
My all time favorite, though:
-He became a free mason which was "nothing like we thought it was". The free masons were ACTUALLY a "secret sect of the illuminati - a secret society of the most elite human beings on the planet". We "couldn't believe the men that he's shaken hands with and how much power he held, not only in the community, but the entire world". We would be hanging out at his house and he would leave for hours and come back and say that he got called for a top secret meeting at "base". You would walk with him into a gas station and once you walked out, he would swear that that nicely dressed old man gestured to him almost imperceptibly in a way that only a free mason would recognize.
These are only a few, there are more if anyone would like me to share. I always felt really sorry for him, despite him basically being a terrible human being in other ways.
Beefger · 2 points · Posted at 22:29:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A little late, but a guy I know:
Claims to work for the CIA and have a bunch of connections and how he has killed people and a bunch of other crazy bullshit
He never sleeps
He is first in either the state or country in singing
How he sees sound
Claims to stalk people
Claims he wrote a book on quantum mechanics (he studies political science)
Tried convincing some friends that he knew architecture and it was safe to remove all the structural support beams that are in the basement of a four story building we own. He tried convincing an architect and mechanical engineer this none the less
And by this point I don't pay attention.
Also he spent an hour trying to convince me 9/11 was an inside job
jakesboy2 · 2 points · Posted at 22:32:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Got tons of stories from this guy Max I used to work with. He would tell us his girlfriend couldn't have sex with him because he was so big he tore her vagina. He told us he could deadlift 1,500 pounds. He said he was late to work because he was held up at gun point and it took 2 hours for cops to get there. My favorite is his theory about his ford ranger. He said if he turned it off and back on while driving it became asupercharged v8 that had approximately 700 horsepower. I really wish I was making this up.
andromeda335 · 2 points · Posted at 22:34:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Back in high school, I hung out around the Christian kids, and one of the girls told all of them that I was a practicing Wiccan which lead them all to reject me the week before I turned 16.
When they found out that she lied, they crawled back to me.
The following year, she told us she had terminal cancer and she was moving away soon to get treatment, and she only had 4 months to live. When we came back after Christmas (and she still hadn't moved away) someone asked her why she was still alive.
Diovobirius · 2 points · Posted at 22:39:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Rather sad stories, really. There were more, but almost 15 years ago, I don't remember.
westeroscurmudgeon · 2 points · Posted at 22:43:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My dad said he loved me.
ThePunslinger45 · 1 points · Posted at 23:24:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ouch.
wrgsta · 2 points · Posted at 22:49:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My buddy said that he found a roadkill polar bear in Arizona while hitchhiking. Also, this man makes a living as a circus clown, so you expect this kind of shit.
pottergirl95 · 1 points · Posted at 04:03:29 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hahahaha. Why, are all clowns liars?
wrgsta · 1 points · Posted at 22:22:29 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
The act of theatrical comedy is one of escapism. The clowns in circus, and circus in general, reinforce the desire to escape, by any means necessary, the drudgeries of a monotonous existence. Lying as storytelling is that perfect vehicle.
inshane_in_the_brain · 2 points · Posted at 22:53:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What if everyone here is a compulsive liar, and none of its true.
ThePunslinger45 · 1 points · Posted at 23:12:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
mind explodes quietly
streetsignite · 2 points · Posted at 22:55:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Back in high school we knew a girl who was a compulsive liar. She tried out for the softball team and was the only one cut. When I saw her in class, I asked her how it went, and she told me "I didn't make the team because the coach said its not okay to have tattoos."
So I asked her what kind of tattoo she had. She said she had gotten it removed over the weekend.
Same girl, a year later, said she was pregnant and when we came back from Spring Break she told everyone she had the baby and gave it up for adoption.
Lol.
Analyidiot · 2 points · Posted at 22:59:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This guy that I used to work with, Murr (what we called him because he hated it, actually name murray.) told everyone that he had his D class license. Took a look in his wallet, G class license. Dumb fuck, if you're gonna lie about something, at least lie about something that doesn't take 5 seconds to disprove.
Rysinor · 2 points · Posted at 22:59:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Late to the party as always, but there was a girl I worked with while bussing at a restaurant. We'll call her "Mel". No any really long stories to tell, but here's a few of her lies.
That's all I can remember right now. Man was she ever full of it...
BlindfoldedNinja · 2 points · Posted at 23:00:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ok, this one will take the cake:
She claimed to be a street kid who was addicted to meth at 13 that her 28 year old boyfriend hooked her on. He knew her parents and would drop her off for grade 6 school in his truck and everything was cool with the fam. He'd rape her on a consistent basis but her parents didn't have a problem with that either. She was also a lesbian despite never having slept with a woman.
At about 17 she got knocked up and left town, not telling her parents, who came looking for her and this 28 year old boyfriend they've been hearing so much about.
In reality she was the spoiled daughter of two well paid child psychologists. Her childhood was completely normal and she wanted to fit in with the bad kids by inventing a hard life.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 23:00:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm gonna rat on myself. This one time I tried to convince a group of friends that I sent the creators of the cartoon show 'gargoyles' an episode pitch and they were going to air it. My friends did actually believe me at the time but I'm sure they think I'm full of shit now-a-days just for that one time. We were around 10 years old at that time, I'm 26 now and I still think about apologizing for that lie.
Relic1258 · 2 points · Posted at 23:02:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know one, but the guy is silver tongued, he says some absurd things that you won't believe then he'll prove it and you'll be dumbfounded, and he's told me and others that he lies pretty often about some stuff so I'm always in the fence whenever he talks about an event that occurred to him
mypolarbear · 2 points · Posted at 23:02:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My boyfriends ex-girlfriend. He had had a list in his phone, titled "Things I know are True." It was a short list. And, I'd hung out with her before, too.
Broke every bone in her body. I'd seen her take off a "cast" before and resume normal function.
Is a nurse . She was around 15 when she told me this.
Is a pilot. Still 15.
Sees every color the opposite of what it is. (So I say "then how would you know it's opposite if thats all you've ever known?")
Has a "Made in Canada" tattoo. She is not Canadian. Her mom has confirmed.
Has dozens of half-brothers and sisters. She pointed out one to me. But oops, I knew him. His mom was dead, and his dad was an old Jewish man. Neither of which are her parents.
Is me. I found out she'd take experiences that were mine, and tell them as if they had happened to her.... x.x
VehaMeursault · 2 points · Posted at 23:03:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The irony of sounding like I'm making this up myself is not unnoticed, but I promise this is true:
After dating a girl for a few weeks, I had gathered that some of her stories didn't make sense to me. Trivial stuff like what she had done the week before, how well her exams went, etc. I confronted her about how these stories couldn't all be true at the same time, at which point she got angry with me and completely deflected and ended up asking me to leave. I was fed up, so I did as she asked, and decided to check the schedule of the PT that was in the area. So, I asked her for the time, and she gave me something that was so unexpected, I just had to double check for myself. I look up at the clock in her house, and it said something completely different. I looked at her, then at the clock, saw her looking at the clock and then back at me, and asked her again: what time is it?
She maintained the lie.
I'm still not sure why this happened, but I decided then and there that this was not worth my effort.
That may actually be the weirdest thing I've ever experienced with another human being, come to think of it :/
skinavish · 2 points · Posted at 23:05:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Knew a dude in high school who always had stories like that.
-His uncle was in the Rainbow Six unit and "killed terrorists all the time", yet nobody had ever heard of this uncle until said kid got a Rainbow Six game. When told that the Rainbow Six unit was fictional, he said that he "forgot whether his uncle was a Navy Seal or a Green Beret"
-That same uncle was supposedly the director of the Seattle fireworks shows and apparently would let him shoot fireworks off the Space Needle whenever he wanted.
-His friends' dad would apparently let him drive their multimillion-dollar super yacht around their private lake.
-He claimed to have only one lung so as to have an excuse to never do stuff outside with us.. Asking him about his "one lung" in front of his mom was actually pretty funny. In retrospect it would've been a dick move if it were true, but he had enough of a reputation for bullshit at that point that I just went for it.
I know I'm missing some stuff, but that's all that comes to mind at the moment.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 23:10:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I worked at Pizza Hut with a guy who seemed like a bit of a low-life. he was 40 and hung out with drug dealers and tried just about every drug under the sun. One day he told me this big story about how he traveled to Guinea in Africa and had a world-recognized drummer as his mentor. He also had these big stories about hitchhiking across Canada and getting paid $50 to play the drums for a film which received awards for it's soundtrack.
I assumed it was all complete bullshit until he quit his job and added me on facebook a couple months later and literally had photographic proof of all the stories I assumed were bullshit.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 23:13:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Guy I went to high school with (when roller blading was kinda cool) would go visit his family in Ohio. He would tell us how he was spared by Ecko, somehow saved a girl, had sex with her and then left her for her sister.
Something to that effect every single time he would go out of town.
BaylorOso · 2 points · Posted at 23:13:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have an aunt (by marriage) who is a compulsive liar.
She claims to have had every kind of cancer. Oh, you have cancer? Well, she's already had that one.
-In the early '90s, she told everyone she had ovarian cancer. Said it was so bad that she had to have a hysterectomy to save her life. And of course she had to go through months of grueling chemo. Then, a few years later, the summer that my grandfather passes away, she starts getting sick to her stomach every day. My mom suggests that maybe she's pregnant. Oh no, couldn't be that, she had a hysterectomy when she had cancer, remember? 6 months later she gives birth to my cousin. When she was called out for lying about having a hysterectomy, she claimed the doctor botched it and she was going to sue him for millions. Yeah, ok.
-Her most recent fake illness (that I know about) was last year when my grandmother passed away. Aunt can't stand not to be the center of attention, so she has to have a really dramatic illness whenever someone dies. We go to the funeral home to schedule the service and burial, and we have to schedule around her blood transfusion. Why is she having a blood transfusion? Because, according to my uncle, her 'blood is disappearing.' Yeah, somehow, she is losing all of her blood, but no one knows where it went. So she has to go to the hospital several times a week to get blood transfusions and we need to schedule my grandmother's funeral around her newest ailment.
-Oh, she also claims that she is a nurse. She never went to college. I'm not even sure she graduated from high school. But a few years ago, she decided that she was a nurse. And she started telling everyone that she worked at the local hospital. When my grandmother was ill last year and going in for brain surgery, Aunt starts ordering around the nurses and telling them that my grandmother is allergic to all sorts of things. For the most part we ignored her crazy, but she overstepped by threatening the health of my grandmother. The hospital refused to allow her to be alone with my grandmother because they were afraid she would try to give her medication.
I have soooooooo many more. Not any recent ones because we no longer speak to her on the advice of counsel.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 23:18:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know a girl at my school who is an acquaintance of my friend group and she claimed to be a ring girl in some underground fighting ring in Chicago. Now mind you she was a 19-year-old college girl coming from the Chicago suburbs. So me and my friend were slightly suspicious, especially my friend, so he did extensive research and came up short on underground rings so he asked her the name. She claimed that it was nameless because underground fighting rings are illegal and therefore hers has absolutely no name, title, or even code name... so my friend asked her for an approximate location and she couldn't even come up with the vaguest of street names, warehouse names, or even any specific area within Chicago. We didn't believe her because she a) did not have to look of any ring girl I've ever seen and b) was 19 years old and didn't know a soul in the city. She told us these elaborate stories about how she was the ring girl and how men fought over her all the time and would pull guns out on each other for her sake, and me and my friends would just roll our eyes like okay and then a badass dude pulled up quickly and screeched to a brake in his corvette and said "hop in babe" and had a car chase too?
This same girl also claimed to be engaged to a European prince and never had any photos to show us and couldn't even tell us a specific country name. So when her mom visited campus once her friends were all, "Congrats on her engagement to a prince!!" her mom was super confused and said she wasn't engaged at all to anyone, ever. So we confronted her and instead of trying to save face and tell us she was elaborately pranking us, she doubles down and said "Well actually he passed away last weekend and my mom is too devastated to talk about it so that's what she says..." Even though she, herself, hadn't shown any signs of grief or sadness or mourning at all over his apparent passing the week that she claimed it happened. We're all still acquaintances with her but whatever comes out of her mouth we just eye each other like "that sounds fake but okay...". She still sticks to these stories to this day.
Riiight.
liquor_andwhores · 2 points · Posted at 23:20:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That the Rascal Flats played live at her grandfather's funeral.
pottergirl95 · 1 points · Posted at 23:41:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh which is that song of theirs. Can't put a finger on it. It would be perfect for a funeral. With the video about this girl's boyfriend dying and her holding her dad responsible.
Tearistonion · 2 points · Posted at 23:23:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I wonder which one of these comments are written by a compulsive liar.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:41:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's what a compulsive liar would say....
Shush_Mogulman · 2 points · Posted at 23:27:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Went to highschool with a kid who
shot flaming kittens from a potato gun at pedestrians.
Jumped a fence at a local mansion and managed to outrun dobermans across a mile long lot to jump the 8 foot fence on the other end.
-Once dressed as a ninja in a hotel, threw down a smoke bomb, took an old lady captive on an open elevator to the second floor, repelled down over the second story balcony, then was shot by a guard with a taser, remained unphased by the taser and pulled it out while still sprinting to safety.
-He also invented a slider while pitching at a little league camp.
He had others, but unfortunately I cannot remember them all.
hkystar35 · 2 points · Posted at 23:27:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My ex wife tried to tell me (8 months after we'd last had sex, 6 months after she moved into our guest room, and 3 years after we'd last used condoms) that the box of condoms she bought was to use on her vibrator.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 23:28:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There was that story where this douche bag said he got in a fight at an in-n-out with his friends against another group of people. He took a samurai sword out of his trunk and sliced a kids shirt narrowly missing his stomach which ended the fight.
There's also the story of how he was part of an underground street racing circuit where he drove a blacked out honda prelude with a body kit that was dubbed "the vader car".
I can't begin to tell you how much I hated this guy.
Virus7500 · 2 points · Posted at 23:29:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have a friend who has said some really interesting things during our friendship. I knew him since preschool when he first told his stream of lies
1.) He told me he could make love potion, he showed it to me one day after I kept asking for weeks to see it, it was a valentine heart inside an MnM Mini canister filled with cool-aid powder.
2.) He dated a female friend of mine from highschool, after their break up, she told me that he would explain to her how he could echolocate.
3.) We were in a band together, he would explain to us how he had perfect pitch, so when a random sound happened, like when the singer dropped a quarter onto the floor, he would say, "That was a F Sharp"
4.) When we were all at a sleepover at one of our houses, the singer in my band told me that when I left the room, he told him that his "penis has grown exponentially in the last year", whatever that means, lol
5.) Many members in our band got in a fight with him once, when everyone was calling him out for lying behind all of our backs, he said that he had autism, and that he couldn't help being a douchebag sometimes.
6.) He use to tell our friend group that his grades in school were "god-like". We had a friend who worked in the school administration, and was able to get into his account and look at his grades, turned out he had a D in AP Music Theory.
7.) After highschool and college, I would see him during holidays when we would both go back home. He told me that he worked for DARPA, and that he had all these security clearances, and if he needed to get someone assassinated, he could get it done. He explained how this is a necessary protocol for the employees of DARPA so that secrets of the government can't be released. He said it was a fairly simple process to enact, all it took was a form to fill out.
8.) He currently works remotely in Florida for a University in another state that I won't name, and tells me that it's a secret DoD job. Recently he left to go there, and said that he was busy with DoD work, but when I spoke with his parents who I'm friendly and social with, they told me he left to see his girlfriends parents.
9.) He told me he's leaving to Peru in 2 months for work. In that same conversation with his parents that I mentioned above, they were telling me that they were happy that his gf had a yoga studio in Peru that she was setting up, because that allowed their son to go and see Peru.
In all, he's a crazy guy who says really crazy things. I used to call him out on it early on in highschool, but he would just get mad, so I stopped. Other people used to call him out too, and they didn't stop, they ended friendships with him because of it. I'm going to ask my friend, the singer in the band, to see if he has anything to add to this, because this reddit post really hit home for me, and the same would probably be true for anyone who knows this individual.
Flonaldo · 2 points · Posted at 23:35:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
We got one in school and, kind of being the dicks back then, we wrote some of his weirdest lies down. But to be honest he was asking for it, you'll see. I'll roughly translate them, originally those were in german.
The black you see on your iPhone screen when its deactivated is black fluid, that should be refilled once in a while.
The "V" in "V8-Motor" stands for "Volvo".
When watching a specific football match on pay TV the cameraman will notice and whisper "thank you for supporting us".
Mealonx · 2 points · Posted at 23:38:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I once dated a girl who told me that while she was in Europe she had a fling with the singer from The 1975. She also claimed they had "crazy sex" and the song Chocolate was written about her. She also stole stuff from me and my friends and adamantly denied it. Glad she's out of my life
zeeeman · 2 points · Posted at 23:40:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
dorm mate in college, early 90's: 1) had a pet black panther, but when it got too big daddy gave it to the zoo 2) Andre Agassi was her boyfriend. She actually mailed herself gifts and love notes so she could open them in front of us
citationorgtfo · 2 points · Posted at 23:46:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My uncle told me that he taught Chuck Norris martial arts and Michael Jackson how to dance. I was an adult and he wasn't kidding around.
jpereira95 · 2 points · Posted at 23:46:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That they have smoked pot with Johnny Hopkins
shootthealbatross · 2 points · Posted at 23:49:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh fuck this thread is perfect for my friend when I was 13, she told us she couldn't do P.E. cause she shattered her heel 6 years ago and couldn't run anymore (I have shattered my heel and it is now fine) but then she said we was a national level gymnist and that she went for a run every morning before school. She said her dad used to manage The Black Eyed Peas but then she also lived in a bus. She said her dad bought her a limited edition fender guitar for $15,000 and when I asked to see it she said her dad smashed it the day before and that there was only splinters left. She said that she was Italian (she was Maori, her first and last names were also very maori) and that the Italian Mafia was after her as her father used to be the leader and left them so they were hunting them. Said that she burned down her mothers house while her mum was sleeping but unfortunately she lived. She actually thought we believed all these things when really we just went along with it cause we didn't have many friends and we felt bad about her cause we knew her dad had lost his job and they were basically living out of their savings account.
enormuschwanzstucker · 2 points · Posted at 23:50:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy I worked with wasn't as bad as what I've read so far, but he would lie and make it an amusing story that could have been true but probably wasn't.
My favorite was when he said he saw Elvis one night (he was from Memphis). He said, "Hey Elvis! Let's go get some donuts!" And he and Elvis went and knocked down two dozen at Krispy Kreme or wherever. This is when he'd tear up a little and say, "A week later the king was dead, and I've never forgiven myself. I know it was those donuts that killed him"
Freakin hilarious guy.
Misformontage · 2 points · Posted at 23:53:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
A customer from the liquor store I used to work at. Imagine a short, fedora wearing, literally greasy, hobbit...
He finally brought a couple friends in once. The last time I saw him. (Thank goodness) They were girls, living breathing girls. At first they were "friends" but by the time he brought his liquor is hookah coals to the register, we asked for their IDs. Suddenly, the blonde girl was his "sister" and we didn't need to card anyone. Sincere we'd never meet her, we told him he'd have to come back there following day, alone.
A week later he was on the news, arrested for child molestation x2 and multiple other henious crimes.
Kicker: they tacked on some other charges when he tried to have the two girls murdered in murder for hire hitman scenario. Obviously poor decisions all around.
Moral of stories, I trust my gut. Someone gives me the inkies, I gtfo asap. Will link if I can find the article on him.
marley88 · 2 points · Posted at 23:54:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I am super late to this thread but I have a good one. A sketchy guy from the village I grew up in would spout all kinds of shite but one story in particular has stuck with me for years.
He told me he was sat in the pub garden on a summer's day having a pint when a V formation of military helicopters flew over. In the helicopter at the head of the formation was George W bush and this guys uncle (his uncle popped up in a few of his stories, apparently he was super rich and powerful). He then asked me with some swagger whether I knew what the rest of the helicopters were carrying, apparently it was all of their luggage.
It was hard not to laugh. I have seen people question his stories before and it's pretty much guaranteed to get you into a punch up so I thought better of it.
Dontony_Pakkra · 2 points · Posted at 23:59:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
She told me she was drug free while high af. Not ghosting high either. My bro and i took her to Walmart, she had to ride around in the motorized scooters. At one point she couldn't stop herself from drooling and falling out of the scooter
blunt_toward_enemy · 2 points · Posted at 23:59:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This guy in my dorm freshman year, we'll call him Ted, liked to tell some tall tales. His Uncle is probably the most badass person in the world. Ted's uncle built a homemade.50 cal sniper rifle and mounted it to the back of his F-150. After test firing it he let Ted try it and Ted managed to hit a bullseye from 2 miles away using only the iron sights.
Now, Ted was raised in the rough part of rural PA and his cousin liked to mess with him. His cousin shot a Glock next to his ear and he went deaf for a couple seconds so Ted punched him in the face, took his Glock, pulled out his own Desert Eagle and fired one on each side of his cousin's head which caused him to go deaf in one ear.
Ted was also a master coder since basically birth. For a class project in high school he and a friend ported the first Final Fantasy game to PC. They reprogrammed the whole thing from the ground up in visual basic. It only took him 20, 30, no, 40 thousand lines of code. I think they finished it in a few days too. The hardest part was moving your party's sprite on the overworld map so he coded the arrow keys to shift the map image by half a pixel to simulate movement.
LandBeforeChrist · 2 points · Posted at 00:00:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He told our friends and I that he wasn't home and was out running errands... we had called his house phone. He was just super baked.
bobsotherson · 2 points · Posted at 00:03:13 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Found a female wolf in the backyard when he was a little kid. Mom let him keep it as a pet. Used to sleep at the foot of his bed.
naomi_is_watching · 2 points · Posted at 00:09:30 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
What if everyone in this thread is lying.
poopirate777 · 2 points · Posted at 00:13:07 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I went to highschool with a very overweight girl who obviously didn't get much attention. It was the Internet safety unit of the course, and teach asks the class to share stories about the topic. She raised her hand. "Yeah one time I found out this man was taking my face and putting them on naked people's bodies!!!! And selling them!! In New York!" I couldn't stop envisioning a pixelated bad quality photo pasted on a hot model's body.
FistFight135 · 2 points · Posted at 00:14:44 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
In this thread: Compulsive liars making up stories about fake compulsive liars.
JiberybobX · 2 points · Posted at 00:22:12 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Probably not the most outrageous but the worst one I've experienced was a friend in primary school telling me he could ski. This lie continued through me inviting him on a skiing trip up north, the hours of car journey there, the process of renting equipment and getting set up until eventually he put on his skis and fell over. Worst part is his dad confirmed he could ski for my dad before he came along. No idea what he thought was gonna happen but what did happen was my dad gave him some cash for the cafe while we all went and had a blast.
The following Monday at school he then tells me that while we were all away he stole someone's skis, went down a slope (of which he previously couldn't the rope tow) to then accidentally do a back flip over a fallen toddler.
Actually yeah, coming to think of it, this is the most outrageous I've heard.
FireDovah · 2 points · Posted at 00:22:26 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Me ex best friend is a compulsive liar.
Used to be mostly harmless stuff: I didn't meet this girl on tinder. No I'm not ditching you to go have sex with a random girl from the internet.
Then it shifted to: I would never fuck your girlfriend, and I didn't diddle your ex at the first opportunity.
Qlinkenstein · 2 points · Posted at 00:30:22 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This one guy Bill was all "I did not have sex with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky."
AntonBass · 2 points · Posted at 00:30:48 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
There was a kid that we can refer to as Whales that I had the pleasure of working with a while back who used to tell the stupidest made up stories. Like many of the people in here, this particular workmate was a "one-upper". The rest of us enjoy telling his completely and $100% true tales at parties. Here are some of his one-uppers.
After I cracked my back by spinning my torso side-to-side, Whales commented, "That's not good, my brother did that and he went all the way around."
I was offered $5 to grab a massive handful of salt and bite into it like an apple. After doing so, I could only describe to the man who was now down $5 that the taste was a bit too salty. After recounting this tale to a whole bunch of people including our fat new friend Whales, he replied that "on New Year's Eve, his grandfather bet him $1000 to backflip off his two story roof into the pool."
On a regular visit to the newsagency, one of our superiors came back excited that they had just won $500 on a Scratchie (Australian slang for a Scratchcard). Whales then claimed that he didn't have to worry about money because he "had a few hotdogs and bit into one and felt something sharp go down his throat and then had an x-ray and found a piece of metal and then sued the hotdog company and they gave him $1,000,000 in damages." Apparently they only reason he still worked was because it was fun.
Whales owned a PS5 because his dad worked for Sony and they gave him a finished one with some games to test.
Smarty-98 · 2 points · Posted at 00:32:06 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew this guy throughout High School that was your typical liar. He would always lie to try to one up you or make himself appear perfect. It was so obvious that you could egg him on into stories and deeper lies. Senior year he told me the best story ever.
He told me that 2 or 3 years ago (he would always change the year) he traveled to Hawaii with his father who was on a business trip. He said one night he went to a party (keep in mind he is 15-16 years old at this point) and met a girl. As it turns out the girl is some type of teen pop star or something and was a really popular singer. He continued and stated that he and she hit it off and she slept with him. The funny thing is that they never had sex. According to him, they just literally laid in bed all night naked, just cuddling or some shit, not even a blowjob, handjob, fingering etc.
The best part is that instead of flying home with his dad he flew with this girl in her private jet. We live in North Carolina so that's pretty far for a free flight for a random guy she met less than a day ago.
He finished the story by saying that he never asked for her number and has never heard about her since. When I asked for the girl's name he said that they only ever called each other pet names and he never learned her real name despite the fact that they spent all night together.
This is just one of the countless stories, lies, and bullshit tales he had told people.
crosstherubicon · 2 points · Posted at 00:40:15 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Amateurs... A work colleague falsified his resume boasting an MBA from Harvard, a law degree and a medical degree. You'd think it would be blatantly obvious that he simply wasn't old enough to encompass the degrees he claimed but he had multiple board positions on major billion dollar+ companies, was friends with government ministers and viewed as a very dynamic go-getter. His downfall was applying for a very senior government position and claiming attendance on a postgraduate course which was presented by one of the position referees. He eventually ended up in court because an application for a government position is viewed as a statutory declaration and thus subject to charges of official corruption. The sad thing was his wife had no idea his life was a complete fantasy and the only qualification he actually held was as a mortuary technician.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 00:54:48 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Told us her brother got blown up and died in Afghanistan. One of our friend's mothers told the compulsive liar's mother that she was sorry to hear about her son, to which she replied "what son?.."
CrocsWearingMFer · 2 points · Posted at 00:56:06 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This girl I know lied about having end stage ovarian cancer.
Her story would fluctuate so much it got annoying.
I'll pm you her gofundme page she made, if you want to donate.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 01:00:35 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
They knew the entire Minnesota Wilds hockey team, also random semi popular YouTube cover artists, the band One Direction which she showed me before they got really famous even tho we live in the US, also these bands that opened for Plain White Tees (even tho they didn't recognize her when we got our picture taken with the band lol). I was super gullible so it took me a few years to connect the dots which is even sadder. Like why then hell would these people be friends with a middle schooler
rps_killerwhale · 2 points · Posted at 01:03:14 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My girlfriend showed her sister texts that I sent to her while we were fighting one time. Her sister angrily texts me and says "You better never say "exact quote" to my sister again." I asked her why she showed her sister our private messages. We got into a huge fight to the point that she almost broke up with me (keep in mind we had been together for over a year at the point) because I didn't believe that she didn't tell her sister or show her the messages. Still to this day, 3 months or so later, I'll ask her to just tell the truth and she won't. It's insane.
meyahhh · 2 points · Posted at 01:03:51 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
my uncle once told our entire family that when he was out deer hunting he shot and hit a deer with his bow and when it hit the deer he said "that deer reached back and grabbed the arrow out of his side, turned and looked at me, spit the arrow out and ran away" there is another story where he was out hunting and got chased by a DNR plane and tried to shoot it down with his shotgun
Cluubias2 · 2 points · Posted at 01:04:38 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That she's going to take on wall street.
GrumblesFTW · 2 points · Posted at 01:12:32 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
There was a guy in a group of friends I had in Jr college who I will refer to as "the Master" for the rest of the post. The master had borderline personality disorder and was a huge compulsive liar. He told us all many stories in his time knowing us.
He was a prostitute at 14 and had sex with over 300 women by 17 with no STDs.
His dad would make him set up fat ass lines of cocain and make him take them if they weren't fat enough.
He knew how to completely disassemble and reassemble his entire car (which was a shitty Chavelle body with God knows what monstrosities for parts it had).
He also repainted his car with store bought spray paint and did a really shitty job. When we called him on it he claimed to have worked in a body shop for years and that he "use to do it like this all the time for thousands of dollars".
He was smoking with us one time and sucked the cherry out of a one hitter and burned his throat. I wouldn't have blamed him for lying about that to our choir teacher but he told different teachers different things and used it as an excuse to not participate in his classes. He told some that he burned his throat by eating freshly cooked ramen too quickly and others he told that he had an alergic reaction to mustard and had a rash inside his throat. He dragged this lie on for at least 2 months when he was fine after a couple weeks.
My friends and I befriended the Master and always tried to be good friends for him. We understood that he had mental problems and was just looking for love and acceptance. We always called him out on his shit but we never made him feel like he didn't fit in with us. Sadly he never really got better and has vanished from most of our radars. We all wish him the best but there is probably a reason they didn't let him leave after he checked himself into a mental clinic.
soapdonkey · 2 points · Posted at 01:15:48 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I worked with a compulsive liar, and he hung out with some of my friends too, one night he was talking about being in 'nam. He was 23.
surgerygeek · 2 points · Posted at 01:16:08 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
EDIT TO ADD: This is all the same co-worker of mine.
Her daughter is so smart she heard one Italian opera and became instantly fluent in Italian.
Same daughter is also being recruited by Harvard... in the 8th grade.
She speaks five languages, but the list changes each time she says it. I speak to her in Basic French (which she claims to speak) and she has no idea what I said.
Claims to know sign language, but we once had a deaf patient, so we grabbed her to help. She just spoke loudly to the completely deaf, signing patient and then "had to go take care of something"...
We wear lead aprons at work, and her favorite one is a plaid one that belongs to the hospital. It's a stock pattern from the company we order from. She claims it's her custom made lead, in her family tartan.
Said to me once that she is against guns, but one day she took her daughter to the shooting range to try it out, and was surprised that they were both better than they had expected. Okay, cool. Two weeks later I heard her tell someone that she is a "Certified Sharpshooter....with both hands!"
Says she has a black belt in Kung Fu, but is 50-ish, been morbidly obese her entire life, and has fibromyalgia and fourteen other chronic diseases. At least she says she has them.
Says she was in Harvard Medical School, but left in her last year because, being the smartest woman in the class (of course) she didn't want to deal with the haters. By my calculations, she's been a nurse since age 19. And is currently working on a Bachelor's Degree so she can keep her nursing job.
Liquorace · 2 points · Posted at 01:17:17 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've been inspired to rant about a friend of mine. Here goes.
He constantly lies about sex. He tells me, and anyone else that is nearby, about who he hooked up with, or who he is currently hooking up with. One of the problems with that, is that he is soooo full of shit. If you ask the women who he has claimed to been with, they say no (who is lying?!). And then of the people he is currently hooking up with, he won't give names. It's always 'a married woman'. The other problem with it, is...who fucking cares?! We live in a small town, and no one cares who you (claim to) fuck. I've heard from mutual friends that everyone thinks he is a creep, which is why I've been distancing myself from him.
Here is an example of how he perceives things, vs reality. One night a few years ago, after a bar crawl (or something), we ended up at the local gay bar (nightclub, so it's open later) with a married couple we are friends with (B (m) & C (f)). We're hanging out on the corner of the dance floor, and all of a sudden B & C are making out. My friend makes some lame, cringeworthy comments about getting in on the action, so C gives him a kiss (on the lips, no tongue). Then she immediately turns to me and does the same. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less. I have since heard, numerous times, that he had a threesome with B & C that night. That's what he legitimately tells people, and if I'm around, I correct him, in front of everyone. It's shit like that why I kind of stopped hanging out with him.
Sad postscript: he is 43 years old. I can't fathom how or why anyone out of grade school that would lie like that. There are many more examples, but it's all the same shit.
(I hope my writing makes sense. I'm still fucked up from the dentist, earlier.)
daverave1212 · 2 points · Posted at 01:21:01 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This one friend told us about 10 times his mom bought him a new car (different everh time). But darn, every time, something happened to that car and we coulsn't see it. Too bad. I really wantes to take a ride in a purple VW Gold, although it became red the next day, and mercedes after
ToastThing · 2 points · Posted at 01:21:19 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A buddy in high school claimed he met up with John Mayer after a concert, Mayer invited him to his hotel room where they both jammed out on guitar, and my friend recieved glowing praise on how good he was.
Only my friend sucked at guitar (granted, he was literally just learning), and everyone at school knew he was a chronic bullshitter.
putuporshutitup · 2 points · Posted at 01:22:27 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Girl I knew once told everyone her dad donated money to fix the school library.
She also told everyone she was a makeup artist. Turns out she was a pathetic pathological liar, she ran away from home at 16, was a stripper and a prostitute. She tricked some younger idiot to marry her too. Leah Weaver, never change you lying sack of shit.
ThePirateBee · 2 points · Posted at 01:25:33 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh, oh, I've got one! My friends and I met this girl who turned out to be a little unhinged. Before we figured that out, though, she introduced us to her fiance. He was a lot unhinged.
He was of Indian descent, but he was clearly a native English speaker with a vaguely midwestern accent. If you asked me to put money on it, I would say that he grew up in a big city in Wisconsin or Minnesota. Still, he claimed that he was born in India and lived there until he was in his early 20s. When asked why he didn't have an Indian accent, he said that he went to a special school where they taught you to speak like Americans.
He claimed that he was a member of the Indian army, and was enrolled in a special forces unit because of his superior intelligence and physical abilities. He said that they trained him to fight in temperatures of up to 180°F.
The army apparently kept his entire unit prisoner while they were undergoing training, because their mission was so secret. They were watched by armed guards at all times. But, this guy didn't want to be part of the army anymore, so he says that he used the hand-to-hand combat skills they taught him to take down all of the armed guards. Once free, he ran away and moved to the US.
In addition to all this, he said that he spoke 6 languages fluently. While we were at a party, a guest who actually spoke one of the language he claimed (German) stood behind him and said, in German, terrible things about him, his mother, and all Indian people. The guy didn't register even a hint that he had any clue what the German-speaking person was saying.
Epilogue: He was arrested for downloading child porn onto his work computer. I'm not sure what happened to him after that.
mexicutioner3 · 2 points · Posted at 01:25:35 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
It wasn't big lies that were annoying, but small lies everyone knew wasn't true but consistently would defend. You could ask 2 plus 2 equals what? And he would reply 5, just to see what others would do.
mecartistronico · 2 points · Posted at 01:28:30 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
There was this guy at work...
Boss worked in another city. One time he came to visit, and it turns out that the company was organizing a 5 km race for whatever reason the following weekend.
Mr FieryPants knew that the boss was very much into sports, so he started boasting "Hey, Mr Boss, hey, hey Mr Boss, you know what? We're all running the race this weekend"
"Oh yeah?"
"yes, yes, there's a race and we're all running it, and I am, 'cause I'm also into sports... "
In fact I didn't enroll but whatever. And even without the boss he spent all week telling everyone how sporty he was and that he was going to run the race.
So the day of the race came. I stayed comfortably in bed, but my wife volunteered to help with the staff, cheer people up, hand out water bottles and whatnot. After the race finished she called me to see if I wanted to join her and the staff for breakfast.
Me - "By the way, did you see Mr FieryPants? He said he was going to run... "
Wife - "Well, I was right before the finish line, I should have seen him... But I guess I missed him.."
One interesting detail is that Mr FieryPants and I shared the same first name and part of the last name, so it wasn't uncommon for people to mistake one for the other. As I was having breakfast, another girl from the staff asked
"Hey! Weren't you the one who won one of the raffle prizes? They kept calling out your name, but you never came... "
"No," I said, "I didn't even enroll... Must've been the other guy"
"Oh, too bad, he won a prize and never picked it up"
Next Monday, I ask the guy "Hey, how was your race?"
"Oh, it was OK... "
" They told me you won something at the raffle and didn't go to receive it... "
" Oh, there was a raffle?... I... I guess I left too soon... Yes, I left right after crossing the finish line, so I guess I wasn't there anymore "
Anyways, so far, he could still be saying the truth, right?
So a week later or so, the time tag chip thingy records file gets published. A friend of mine starts looking at the results...
" Hey guys, let's see the results... John... 37 mins... Pete... 29 mins... Mike... Hey Mike, 99 mins, what's up with that? "
" I actually didn't cross the starting line, so I guess they default it to that... "
" Well, yeah, I didn't cross it either.. And yeah I got 99 mins too LOL... Ok Mr FieryPants... Hey you're not in the file... "
" what do you mean not in the file? I should be there... Look by last name... "
"... Mmm nope, not by last name either... Your time is not here, are you sure you ran the race?"
"Yes, yes, sure I did... There must be an error in the system... Yeah, that's it... It should be there... There is an error... "
So that was one of the funniest. Other stories he used to tell included being friends with celebrities (with selfies to prove it), knowing Portuguese and Chinese, being offered a job at an embassy, and the saddest of them all..
"Everyone from my previous job are my friends and like me a lot"
Again, with a selfie to prove it... A selfie in which you could see everyone in the background not looking at the camera.
SelfishFishself · 2 points · Posted at 01:30:51 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This girl I used to be friends with lets call her Cher. Cher is the youngest from a very rich household and has had everything and anything she has ever wanted but is a pathological liar- maybe is just a severe case of 'Look at me mummy, pay attention to mee!!'
Some of the lies she told me:
Had a hysterectomy at 15 because of early onset menopause so she couldn't have periods or babies - she came on her period once when she stayed over my house, we also went on holiday together, she had no scars on her stomach and mother nature came calling on her period again
She told people we met on that holiday her dad was deaf and they had created their own sign language - I've met her dad, he isn't deaf.
She saw a guy be run over and no one helped him, she ran to his rescue and held his brain (which was seeping out) in until the paramedics came, said it felt like squishy noodles.
Said her mum had breast cancer- I messaged her mum wishing her all the best and if she needed anything to just say, got a reply asking what the hell was I on, further texts revealed she had no cancer.
Said she went to high school in America, parents said she has never studied outside of UK.
I introduced her to a mutual friend, they got together and she got pregnant but had a miscarriage very early on. When I asked her about the whole 'cant get pregnant, have no uterus' she said she had a transplant and had hormone therapy so it was like nothing ever happened ... I sometimes wonder if the miscarriage was a form of 'karma'
Said mum and dad split up, dad took all his stuff and flew to USA the night before, later in the day she said she was getting an Iphone, she was gonna meet her dad after work so he could get it on contract- I called her out on this, she couldn't explain why he was actually in the UK, and she basically hasn't spoken to me since :)
Pcatalan · 2 points · Posted at 01:38:31 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That the CIA wanted her to join. She became a teacher instead.
She could speak fluent Spanish, but never could help us with native Spanish speakers.
Essentially that she is the best at everything and the school we worked at was blessed to have her because she could be president of Earth.
Jerooby · 2 points · Posted at 01:38:40 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My buddy's girlfriend is a notorious liar she once told all of us when she gets angry enough her eyes turn purple she has brown eyes.
OnfiyA · 2 points · Posted at 01:39:13 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
There was this customer that came to our restaurant pretty often, lonely old man in his 70s that just wanted some company and he told the most elaborated stories and did the most absurd things trying to validate his story. He told us he was a billionare and owned 72 hotels in Korea and if we were to go there we could use his plane and stay in any of his places. Things you kind of just go "ohhh cool" but he started trying to show off to us. He hired a kid to play his son, a 18 year old kid that didn't bother to talk to him once and even worse he hired a bunch of older gents trying to claim they were his friends and were billionaires as well. He got drunk in our restaurant unable to walk and legitimately left him, 5 guys just got up and left as they took his wallet and paid for it. I was like "excuse me, he can't just stay here" and his so-called friend that couldn't have cared less just said "he's okay" and ran out the door. He ended up pissing on himself and slept on the floor past our operating hours until I had to carry him outside and find a taxi to take him. I was told the taxi driver brought him to the hospital that day. He also left his trolley that night and being a nosy fucker I looked through; extra pair of clothes, a tooth brush and bunch of stuff he bought at a nearby dollar store. He never came back after that embarrassment, I had to mop up his pee on the dining floor and spray down the chair he pissed on. The length people go through is mindboggling...
AngryJigglypuff · 2 points · Posted at 01:39:28 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Way late but my mother has a nut job of a roommate. Here's a list. (Side note: He's only 25)
-He's an ex Army Ranger. He was also top of his class.
-He was deployed on a top-secret Army Ranger mission for 3 years.
-During the secret Army mission his 8 month pregnant, obese (his words, not mine) finacee was hit by a car and her and the baby died. BUT, no one told him until the end of the 3 years. At the end of the 3 years they took him to a top secret military room where the head of the Army told him about his fiancee. He blacked out but broke his hand hitting the wall.
-He is a top ranked sniper with a ton of kills but his name isn't on records because of his secret Army Ranger stuff.
-He took shrapnel to his nuts during deployment so he cant have any more kids (I hope this is true).
-He told me he was only attracted to "big girls," but he wanted to ask my parents if he could take me out. I'm petite, 23, and moved out 5 years ago. That's more creepy than lying but gets across points of character.
GarrisonFjord · 2 points · Posted at 01:39:45 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was with the liar in my car and drove up to an ATM where someone had left their ATM receipt. The balance was over $30k. He asked if he could have it so I gave it to him. A few days later, his girlfriend who lived with me said he told her he had been saving money and that he had over $30k in the bank. He showed her the ATM slip and said it was his. He lied all the time.
Good2Go5280 · 2 points · Posted at 01:39:54 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He told me his dad fought Ali and Butter Bean and that he used tonreturn punts for the University of Colorado.
TheDrMario · 2 points · Posted at 01:40:52 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend said that he had an indestructible tank at his uncles house. My other friend went to his uncles house and asked where it was. My friend the compulsive liars response was that he blew it up. My other friend said but it's indestructible that means you can't blow it up. He replied, like it was the most obvious thing ever that the tank wasn't indestructible from the inside.
This same kid was part of an elite group of teenagers that went and fought in the Iraq war on the weekends.
He got stitches on his hand once and said that all the bones in his hand were made completely of metal because he got it blown off in Iraq.
secularhaze_ · 2 points · Posted at 01:52:07 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Basically every word out of this girls mouth was a lie. The one that sticks out the most though, would have to be the time she convinced everyone at school that her dad worked for some record company and that she was going to have T-Pain (ew) perform at her birthday party. A party in which she would have an entire local beach reserved just for her. eye roll Oh and let me not forget that she lived in a house that someone who supposedly had so much swing in a record company, would never live in. She kept this ruse up until about a week before this supposed party when she made up another entire story of how T-Pain was having vocal issues and would not be able to attend. Claimed that it was going to be too hot for a beach party anyway and decided she would not in fact be having a huge extravagant party. She told all of her disappointed "friends" that she would only be including her "VIPs" , which consisted of me and about two others, on a trip to the Bahamas, for a more intimate celebration. In the end, she had a basic sleepover at her house with me and a friend from a different school who knew nothing of these plans. We were around 13 when she pulled all this bullshit.
megasmitsos · 2 points · Posted at 01:52:17 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is from many years ago. I had a bunch of friends boys and girls that we would hang out daily (about 10 of us). One of the guy friends claimed that he was hooking up with one of the girl friends. And of course it was a secret. I knew he was lying but I didn't confront him about it. He would say that she was over his house the night before but she was actually with me and another member of the group and plenty more stories with holes in them.We lost touch after he was caught stealing from his job (was working for another friends father) Also the girl found out and embarrassed him in public.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 02:03:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
yobigboss · 2 points · Posted at 02:10:32 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
"Pinche vato mentiroso."
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:51:51 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
yobigboss · 1 points · Posted at 04:10:58 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A huevo. Fun fact: I am writing this from Koh Samui, Thailand.
hobesmart · 2 points · Posted at 02:03:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he's going to make america great again.
Surullian · 2 points · Posted at 02:04:56 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This will be buried, but back in the early 90s, I had a friend that was a compulsive liar. This was the pre-cell phones for everyone days. He had to call home from my land line, and caller ID wasn't common at the time. His girlfriend hated me, so I listened to him spin this story about hanging out at a bar with people from work. A few days later, he started telling me about the fun time he had with his coworkers that night.
"Uh... you were shooting pool at the bar with me. That's the story you made up for your girlfriend." There was a five second pause before he comes back with, "Oh right, duh!"
He could never keep his stories straight, but that was the worst instance.
Petitchouaveclardon · 2 points · Posted at 02:16:11 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A girl I went to school with would have all kinds of crazy stories about her being pregnant.
In middle school she told people she was pregnant from the cholesterol in a hot dog and being in a pool that someone jacked off in.
In high school she brought in the photos from her mom's ultrasound when she was pregnant a few years previously. She said the Dr's office messed up the date and they put her mom's name on the chart bc she was underage.
There were many other times she claimed she was pregnant. She never had a baby while I went to school with her.
jr_G-man · 2 points · Posted at 02:17:28 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
-he was the bassist for a band that played The Grand Ole Opry. The stage manager told him to cut his beard, and he refused, so he is the en only person to go on stage there with a beard.
-he's a drummer in a Christian rock group.
-he was a cop in Houston and they taught him to always fire warning shots and aim for the head.
-he got kicked off the force for excessive use of his gun. Oddly believable, actually.
tacotouchdown14 · 2 points · Posted at 02:22:20 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew this guy named Cole I hung around him for a bit he would lie constantly. 1. He had like 200,000+ dollars in a account that he was going to buy a 5+ bedroom house with, but always borrowed money. 2. He had like 5 different cars in his dad's garage in the next town. But couldn't drive any of them cause they weren't street legal. 3. He was related to like Justin Timberlake and Justin bieber and wrote part of there songs. I got tired his lies so I stop hanging around him.
SirRoasts-A-Lot · 2 points · Posted at 02:33:30 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That his brother once shit a solid red turd. I asked how he knew it was red all the way through and he said his mom put it on the sidewalk and cut it with a stick.
candysroom · 2 points · Posted at 02:35:26 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A girl I went to high school with said she was Mussolini's granddaughter or great niece, I don't actually remember which. We're from the US and she's not Italian. She also claimed that she did crew on the Charles River every Wednesday morning before school (started at 7:15) - we lived about 1.5 hours from Boston.
MacFluffle · 2 points · Posted at 02:51:40 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy I used to work with told me he met and hung out with (insert famous metal band girl singers name here) and when I called him on it, he showed me a picture. I was at his apt a few weeks later and I saw her on a poster in his living room. In the exact pose she was in when he took the "picture with her". Called him on it again and he couldn't find the pictures.
He also said he DIDN'T drunkenly hit on my (married) sister in law on another night. Fuck you, Roy.
kiwijews · 2 points · Posted at 02:52:11 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I once worked with a guy that claimed to be a former ice fisherman and told many insane stories regarding it (including being 'honored by the mayor' in a parade for one of his catches), but refused to go into any refrigerated receiving storage spaces because he was 'allergic to the cold.' One of hundreds of lies i heard from him in the brief months he lasted there.
BoomSaw · 2 points · Posted at 03:07:26 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh boy the security guard where I used to work was fucking gold for this;
(A lot of stories are about him being in the army even though our boss who read his record when hiring him told us he was in the reserves)
When he was in the army doing a helicopter drill he apparently wasn't supposed to parachute out, but he did it anyway - taking a metal sheet that was falling from the helicopter to then snowboard down the mountain he landed on.
He was part of the team that were considered 2nd best in the world at Tug O' War (the best bit about this one was I sort of egged him on to tell a story like this very subtly - "I bet you'd be amazing at Tug of war")
He spent months in the Army memorizing Binary... And how to program in Binary, so he can do whatever he wants to a computer. I was studying for a Computer Science degree at the time and I don't think he knew, I also don't think he knows how Binary is actually used.
He used his knowledge of Binary to create software that would "Intercept the Encryption Protocol of the Taliban transmissions" (More or less makes no sense).
He was shot when chasing a shoplifter in broad daylight once. This happened in the UK, so it would've been all over the news if that was the case. He said it didn't even hurt that much and the worst thing about it was he had to take 3 weeks off of work.
He met some mega famous musician on a day out, in a city he was lost in. (I forget which musician this was, i'm sure it was someone like David Bowie) And he got on well enough that they started hanging out with him for the rest of the day, at the end of which they flew him home in their helicopter.
In his army days him and one of his pals were court marshaled for sneaking onto a plane and ending up in North Korea.
His wife was carrying a surrogate child, he got pretty exposed for this one though as he later in the year actually was expecting another kid.
He would literally spout nonsense like this constantly, there's probably a lot i'm missing, and the first thing people ask when I tell them this is "Are you sure he wasn't just fucking with you?", but no, no he wasn't. The first story he told me (The binary one iirc) I called him out on pretty much every detail, and he then 'corrected' himself - unaware he was digging himself deeper and deeper into his silly little hole, until I got bored and rolled with it from that point on.
ARedHouseOverYonder · 2 points · Posted at 03:17:03 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Some faves:
"coached" some college kids who called him on draft day of nfl to thank him despite being at work that day
beat randy couture at wrestling in college
confronted Gary Payton about skipping a bar tab and backed him and his posse down until they paid
speaks at a battered women's shelter for advice on how to fight back
turns down bartenders in every town we travel to
This man is almost 50.
EbenHSHD · 2 points · Posted at 03:27:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My grandmother recently got divorced. Being in her mid 70s and being as old fashioned as she is, this caused some sort of bizarre mental break wherein she is now shacking up with some 40 year old guy and is calling him her husband.
Anyway, this weirdo is living off her social security checks and what little she earns from working at a dollar general while sitting around playing with Legos all day. During one of our conversations, he tried telling me that he holds the world record for sniping someone 9 miles away but it's not on record because it was a top secret mission. He also tried to tell me that while he was in the military, he found medical files that proved we actually piss out of out livers, not our bladders, and the idea that we store urine in our bladders was used to control us. There are a few more stories like that but the guy it either a complete mental case or an absolute moron.
Snakebelt · 2 points · Posted at 03:30:31 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
At my old job we had this guy who claimed he was a minor league baseball player that never made it because he blew his arm out.
Everybody bought it, hook line and sinker. Another co-worker even paid him to teach his young son the proper mechanics of pitching.
I couldn't shake the feeling that he was bullshitting, so I googled him (this was many years ago before instant access on smartphones). There was a minor league pitcher with his name, but it looked nothing like him. So I confront him about it and he says they just messed up and put the wrong picture on the internet. Mind you, all the pictures from different years didn't match his face at all either. He continues denying.
Fast forward a month later. We are all at a bar and he leaves his license on the table. I grab it, and it turns out he had also been lying about his age so it would match the minor leaguer with the same name. I call him on it and he walks out. Never showed up to work again either.
Sad part is, he was actual a decent guy. I tried talking to him and telling him he doesn't need to make stuff up to make people like him.
loogie97 · 2 points · Posted at 03:35:16 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A random girl I worked with at Blockbuster with of all places was a detailed and strange story teller.
She had to take the school mascot (a dog) for Texas A&M to Galveston to a vet to take care of her in her personal Airplane.
1 A 30 year old single mother of 3 working for blockbuster part time as her only source of income has a pilots license and a plane.
2 Texas A&M has a world famous school for veterinary medicine. They aren't sending their mascot away.
3 It is a 2-1/2 hour drive from the college to Galveston. Ambulance or maybe even life flight would be a better choice. Also, you have to drive though Houston, a mega metropolis full of doctors to get to Galveston.
dantheman0424 · 2 points · Posted at 03:41:34 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
During his freshman year of high school, my friend told me he took 37 shots of fireball one night. He also told me he was walking home with his friends and one was really drunk and stumbling around, so the cops stopped them and asked them what was going on. Apparently he told them his friend hit his head on a rock and was a little woozy but they were taking him home, then cops let them go.
Sirjoshd109 · 2 points · Posted at 03:53:18 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
There's a neighbor i'm friends with that's an ex heroin junkie who lies through his teeth. One of the biggest ones is that he's friends of this guys family or knows this guy or this one and so forth but here's a couple of his greatest hits.
That he moved here from cali because his neighbors were eaten by the mexican drug cartel.
That he met a member of the araian brotherhood who took him out and showed him a sinkhole in the ground that they can hide bodies in.
That in lincoln at his parents house is a where his full set of alpha mtg cards are including doubles of every mox and a black lotus.
redpanda505 · 2 points · Posted at 03:56:08 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That all of Miley Cyrus's songs were stolen from her myspace page... that she's best friends with all of the cast of Twilight. And that she took 4 paracetamol once for a headache instead of the usual 2 and she "instantly" passed out after she swallowed them, was rushed to hospital (she had a photo of her with a bandaid on her nose to prove it.....) and sooooooo many more stories
Bananabandit69 · 2 points · Posted at 04:00:15 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Monday morning after opening bow hunting weekend at work. We were talking about how our bow season starts went. No one killed any, one guy saw 2 does.
This grown ass man buts in with 'I killed 6 deer this weekend.'
Six. With a bow and arrow. In one weekend. When we knew, per his fb, that he got sloshed Friday night, got his hair died Saturday night, and partied Saturday night as well. So basically he had to have 'shot' 6 deer on sunday morning. No pictures of the deer or anything. He provided no explanation, proof, or reason for even wanting to kill that many deer.
He also told us he knew Papa John and got one free pizza a day for life. We called the shit out of that bluff and made him get pizzas all the time. When he ordered pizzas, we often caught him paying for them in private after he ordered, or slipping cash to the driver secretly. I bet he bought 45 pizzas while he worked there to keep that lie going.
He also told us he went on a guided grizzly bear hunt in NEBRASKA where he killed a grizzly. No pictures or proof or explanation of why there was a grizzly in Nebraska. He stood by that one forever too. Dude was committed.
WhalenOnF00ls · 2 points · Posted at 04:04:39 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Really good friend of mine; not sure why he feels compelled to tell these bullshit stories:
-Stabbed himself with a butterfly knife and sewed it back together -Is a multi-millionaire (but strangely broke any time I've asked him to spot me a couple bucks) -Has like 9 cars -Has a black light tattoo that's probably illegal -Has 1,000 guns (or some made-up number. I'm exaggerating for effect)
candyapplenapper · 2 points · Posted at 04:06:31 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I wonder how many of these posts are from cumplusive liars lying about lies told to them..
TheRealDaffodils · 2 points · Posted at 04:10:01 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not something obvious, but more of a story here.. I use to be friends with a guy named steven. He had a few friends and he was a nice guy. I was told he was a liar but i disregarded everyone who told me because he gained my trust. Until one day he came to me and told me his family kicked him out of his house. So naturally i felt bad. I had asked my mom if he could stay until he found a job to get an apartment. And being the good willed person she was, she gave the green light. So he stayed over for awhile. One day when i came home from school my mom reported to me that she caught him stealing from us. She told me he was taking all her jewelry, my dads jewelry and then some. She had found a lot of her stuff in his backpack he carried around. So she confronted him and he apologized to her and told her he wouldnt do it again. So what does steven do? He waits until everyone is gone and steals my family's stuff AGAIN. And he sells our stuff for cigarrettes and drugs! I was so furious! My mom made him leave. Weeks later come to find out that we arent the only family he has done this to! I went to talk to an old friend about it and she told me he is a compulsuve liar and did this same thing to her!! I could not believe it! Then a month or 2 passes and he has the audacity to apologize to me. He told me he changed amd that things are different. After his theft and him completely destroying my trust i told no. That i will mot accept his apology. That i wont ever believe that he has changed. I mean how am i suppose to forgive a guy that lied to me when i decided to confront him about his stealing as well. He looked DIRECTLY into MY eyes and told me he wasn't! I learned my lesson. And im never asking my parents to take in anyone else ever again. This guy fucked up big time.
andidebest · 2 points · Posted at 04:15:23 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This guy in high school told me and a teacher that his brother had died in a car accident. His story was so believable that he had all of us tearing up at the end. Turns out he did this in EVERY class he had ever been in since 5th grade. He would just lie to his teacher and another classmate so he wouldn't have to do homework and big projects.
TonySPhillips · 2 points · Posted at 04:18:25 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Jason.
Fucking Jason.
Where do I begin?
Knows Zakk Wylde (which he pronounces like "Jake") personally, and partied with Black Label Society, despite never having been outside our general area.
Talked to George Lucas during a tour of Skywalker Ranch and was told that he wrote 9 episodes of Star Wars, and wrote them in reverse order.
Rode in the same cab with Julia Roberts, and got a kiss for being "such a good conversationalist".
Knew Jeremy (of the Pearl Jam song).
Lysdexicant · 1 points · Posted at 00:37:30 on August 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
Upvote just for BLS and him calling Zakk Zake. Haha what an idiot.
Frankasti · 2 points · Posted at 04:32:54 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I once told my neighbor that I was a Karate black belt. I was 7 years old...
A guy I went to school with, Alex, was the national champion of medieval fencing. Alex wasn't world champion because he didn't want to participate in the world championship. Too boring for him I guess. Alex also had 500k in his bank account from all the championships that he won. He was rocking a 10 years old laptop, wore the same clothes everyday and was overweight.
Funny thing, we took a fencing class together. The guy couldn't even hold the 'sword' correctly.
Edit: I googled 'medieval fencing' when he told me this story, just in case he was the real deal. I'm 99% sure that there is no 'medieval fencing' championships. These guys are doing a choreography.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 04:38:39 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
1) He had a 9-inch long dick. While still soft 2) Him & his dad restored a tank from WWII & shot at the cops when they chased them 3) He has shot a gun from a helicopter 4) He can run a 4-minute mile 5) He trains at a secret dojo, & if he told us where it was his sensei would kill both him & us
your_late · 2 points · Posted at 04:51:30 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
One of my frat brothers lied all the time. He said he used to pick up weed in baltimore and sell it in town during high school. He was not a smart man, so I asked him, "What state is Baltimore in?" and he replied, "Virginia".
Cleveland104 · 2 points · Posted at 04:59:39 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew this guy in highschool who was notorious for his bullshit stories. I think the pinnacle of it all was when he claimed he was in the woods, hunting with his uncle when a bear attacked them. So natrually he pulled out his trusty katana and sliced the bear right in half.
I'm not done.
He then dragged the 2000 pound bear through the woods with a chain through the bears jaw when he was suddely surrounded by a pack of wolves that he had to fight off with a burning stick.
So many holes in this kids story.
Why was he hunting with a katana?
How did he generate enough force to cut a bear clean in half?
How could he carry a bear through the woods?
How was he not mauled in a second by those wolves while he was lighting his stick on fire to fend them off?
Where was his uncle for the entirety of the story other than when he mentioned them hunting together at the very beginning? Wouldnt they have a rifle of some sort to at least use to defend themselves instead of a stick?
Not that it matters because none of it happened in the first place.
michaelHIJINX · 2 points · Posted at 05:02:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
She tells me about her friends Ariel & Bo on the go who live in magical land called 'Unicornia', and that she has a dog named Clifford that can grow really big. She is always telling me that she's showing me pictures of these "friends" on her Unicornia phone... AND THERE IS NOTHING EVEN IN HER HAND!... my 4 year old is such a fucking liar.
Godfuckingdamnit467 · 2 points · Posted at 05:24:41 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friends ex told him that she broke her back falling down stairs, but she came back two days later and was healed. She also flew a plane to France, by herself. She also broke up with him by telling him that she was gay. This happened in high school
Another_boring_name · 2 points · Posted at 05:28:11 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
The new guy at work told me he is the only person in Western Europe aloud to train in the Beijing martial arts temple. Apparently it's something to do with his complete mastery of the martial arts!
This guy is 240 pounds and 5'5" tall, also he gets out of breath moving one bag of cement.
Describing_endora · 2 points · Posted at 05:29:17 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Greatest hits from a guy I knew in high school:
Addicted to heroin at 15 (plus he kicked the habit on his own after 6 months, yet was still experiencing "side effects")
Got a record deal
Performed with Tommy Lee from Motley Crüe on New Year's Eve
Was the #1 tennis player in the country in his age group
He'd also show me songs he'd "written" but when typing one line into Google brought up the entire song -- by a popular band -- word for word, he'd completely deny it.
Shadowghoul · 2 points · Posted at 05:30:14 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Saw a friend post on social media saying she was in Paris, meanwhile I was standing next to her in Florida. Same friend claimed to meet celebrities every time she went to the store.
SamuraiGalactus · 2 points · Posted at 05:30:37 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This one guy at my work lied and said he was going off to work in the nickel mines up north here in ontario, said he was going to live with his girlfriend who had cancer, when he came back he said his girlfriend died of cancer and that he decided to come back to Toronto, one night we all went out drinking, I guess he thought he could confide in us, told us all about how his girlfriend never had cancer, he never went to work in the mines, it was all a lie and we all knew it, no surprise to anyone.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 05:31:28 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he had started a McGyver camp where he would send the kids out into the woods with duck tape and knives.
mrschlaven · 2 points · Posted at 05:32:25 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I lived with one during my first year of university. He was placed with me and 3 others in a flat in our residential hall. My favourite lies had to be:
The guy was a mega-douche. He ended up getting kicked out of the residential hall for attacking a guy half his size that accidentally walked into him.
Drunkexmormon · 2 points · Posted at 05:34:09 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Victorious hand-to-hand combat with a cougar. Victory achieved during fall from eighty foot cliff, during which fall cougar and liar are locked together in a violent embrace and a tree branch impairs the cougar but misses liar entirely. Both hit ground; cougar is dead. Liar is fine.
Waldo_Jeffers · 2 points · Posted at 05:41:05 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
There was this gal, let's say "J.", in my crazy ex-girlfriend from college's even crazier circle of goth-pagan friends.
J. insisted she was born in Kiev near Chernobyl (apparently true), and "because of the radiation" was born with venom sacs and an extra knuckle on each hand (er, probably less true). When we asked her the obvious question of "okay, so where the fuck are they," she insisted she was taken by KGB scientists as a baby and operated upon. They must have been fucking incredible surgeons, because they didn't even leave any scars.
Six months later, the head of this little coven of idiots ("M.") called her out for insisting she'd been chased through a playground by people who'd piled out of a black unmarked van. Apparently J. made herself a fake knife wound out of stage makeup and insisted the men from the van had slashed her. M. just sat there calmly giving her deadpan advice on how to make fake wounds look real for, like, 20 minutes.
J. looked utterly humiliated for the rest of the evening, and never made eye contact with M. again that evening. It was fantastic. I didn't have to see much of J. after that.
isnessisbusiness · 2 points · Posted at 05:46:34 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend in high school told us that he and his family had dinner with the Dali Lama. We all believed him. He was very charismatic.
jayemerald16 · 2 points · Posted at 05:47:44 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My senior year I wanted to get into Harvard. A complete nobody in my class stepped up and lied about himself getting in. it just intensified the pressure on me to get in
Hanshee · 2 points · Posted at 05:53:45 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Friend of mine in middle school claimed he owned the best rune scape account in the world but eventually he got hacked so all his proof is gone.
Zoklett · 2 points · Posted at 05:54:14 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My sister swears people are constantly insisting she is middle eastern. We are very close and know a lot of the same people. We spend a lot of time in public together. Never once has anyone EVER said she looks middle eastern let alone insisted on it, because she doesn't. She has brown hair and hazel eyes. Her skin is perhaps slightly olive colored but pale as the day is bright, and while she has somewhat Jewish features she doesn't look middle eastern AT ALL. Not even a little. She looks like any other white, brown haired, American girl.
However she SWEARS that people demand she explain her racial heritage to them on an almost daily basis. When I explained to her that we are USSR eastern block type mutts she scoffed claiming that no one would believe her or know what the USSR was. She swears up and down that people get MAD if she tells them she's not middle eastern. "They'll get MAD! And they'll just say 'I KNOW you're Middle Eastern - you stop lying RIGHT NOW - you're SOOOOOOO Middle Eastern."
It's, like, never happened. This kind of shit doesn't even happen to people who actually look Middle Eastern let alone some white girl who just happens to have brown hair. But, she claims her race comes in question just about every time she leave her apartment because she's so "exotic looking". Uh. Sure. Your brown hair is just super fucking exotic. No one has brown hair...
It's obviously a self esteem thing to make herself feel more special/beautiful/exotic than she actually is and it really rubs me the wrong way. Especially how she insists this happens to her just about every day. Like clerks at the grocery store insisting on her racial background and then insisting angrily that she's lying if she doesn't say she's from fucking Abu Dhabi.
So cringy... And she makes up a lot of other lies, too, but that one is the cringiest because it's so obviously a lie and she's CONSTANTLY harping on it. Every time she insists she's "too exotic" to be considered white is just spine shuddering sad. No one thinks she looks exotic. No one.
DeaditeKlayman · 2 points · Posted at 05:54:56 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew this girl in high school who would try and convince us she was an mma fighter, she would burn herself with a curling iron to create a "mat burn" effect....She tried telling us she went and fought in a big Vegas tournament one weekend, but her brother, (our good friend,) pretty much outed her for actually just sitting at home all weekend. Also she claimed Beyoncé invited her to sing on tour with her, to which she declined because, "i don't even really like her music."
Smubee · 2 points · Posted at 05:55:33 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend in High School who was really into making movies, and so was I. He had this weird obsession with being better than me, even though his movies were fucking terrible (like really, really bad).
He claims that he met Daisy Ridley at the Star Wars premiere in Toronto (which never occurred) and she is going to be starring in his new film. Not only that, but he's working as the Assistant Director on the next Batman movie.
The thing is that everyone including his family eats this shit up and constantly goes on about how proud they are of him.
It's pretty hilarious.
CFH7 · 2 points · Posted at 05:56:26 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Guy at a car dealership I used to work at mentioned AT HIS INTERVIEW that he was enthusiastic about rocketry and worked on a "rocketship" in his backyard in his spare time. When they sort of laughed this off like it was a joke, he aggressively reasserted "No, it's like a real rocket!" Idk why the fuck they hired him..
spankydeluxe69 · 2 points · Posted at 05:56:30 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had this friend in college, and we were both music students, singers specifically. This guy was a sociopathic compulsive liar. Anyway, he told me that he wrote an entire opera that was performed by German company who was paying for it. One of his many lies. Some other music he actually composed was later found out to have been plagiarized. Not friends with this guy anymore lol.
steverin0724 · 2 points · Posted at 05:58:34 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ex step mom I had once said she was going on the show Fear Factor, the show had been off the air for about 5 years.
Another time she said she was flying to LA to try out for the Oakland Raiders... This was right after the movie Invincible with Mark Whalberg came out!
One day I was at my dads for an Oklahoma football game, she came to pick up my little sister (her daughter) wearing a OU cheerleading outfit. She was seriously going out to a bar dressed like that. In her late 30's.
The sad part is she seriously expected everyone to believe all these things. Bitch was cray!
chink135 · 2 points · Posted at 05:58:47 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
There's a guy in my school who lies constantly just for attention and to seem badass. He says a lot of stupid shit but the icing on the cake has got to be this; When we were about 10-11 he used to come into school and brag about how he goes to this local Shisha café to smoke shisha and meet up with gang members and he is now the head of a gang himself. Its even funnier since we're in a pretty exclusive private school
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 06:03:33 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Knew a guy in rehab who goes: I used to skateboard everyday I can do all the tricks. Im like cool. What shoes do you wear? He goes these shoes (some dc randi shoes) I'm like cool are they new? He goes no I've been skateboarding in them for years. I say,".... Where's the Ollie marks??" "What's that? I just keep good care of my shoes" Bs
chendochenderson · 2 points · Posted at 06:06:50 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That I could train my Bayblades. I spent a solid five months of my childhood in my basement every day putting my Beyblades through different obstacle courses.
Gotta say they were quality Beyblades by the end of those five months.
Devstep · 2 points · Posted at 06:09:15 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Them getting out of A helicopter and their morals
1anglen1 · 2 points · Posted at 06:09:34 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Grew up with a guy who's mother was a compulsive liar. Everything she said was a lie, it was just weird like she had no control over it. To give an example I stop by and had to wait for him to show up after school, she ask if I was hungry and said you just made some stew, she told me she just had some and it had burn her mouth just before I got there. So I try some, not only was it ice cold but it was still defrosting. She was like that every day. The whole family just pretended anything she said was just ignored. I though it was cruel but the more I knew her you just had to do the same because one lie lead to another and another.
dandy408 · 2 points · Posted at 06:11:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This girl in high school used to claim that she got a 6 foot robot for her birthday. The robot had sophisticated AI and was her best friend.
Same girl used to say that her brother can legit do a fireball. Like he straight up hadoken'd people he didn't like.
I remember her telling me this in French class in junior year.
Ragnas · 2 points · Posted at 06:12:19 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he was in the wood with his friend(they were hunting), but found some syrian refugees and shot at them until they left the Bulgarian borders. Oh, he also says he lost his virginty and had a threesome.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 06:12:22 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm late, but I know two people:
1 - This kid in 8th grade I knew claimed
he had cancer
his dad was in the seal team 6
his dad has an rpg at home
2 - My dad
European_Soccer · 2 points · Posted at 06:12:46 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
How were all of you friends with these people? I wouldn't have been able to stomach lies like these without just laughing in their faces about how dumb they were.
ZeBaconGirl · 2 points · Posted at 06:15:56 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A man I know said he went into the desert and did peyote, then woke up in naked drenched in sweat surrounded by a group of people....at the age of 16.
kap10z · 2 points · Posted at 06:18:01 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ah, my ass of a brother in law. Let's see he was the youngest to almost sail around the world. To save weight he cut the handle off his toothbrush and ate only power bars. But he got constipated so the Navy rescued him. He was going to try again the next year, but since he was turning 16 was too old to try again.
Then he rode his Harley across the US in record time and the Mayor of New York threw a parade (or his hometown, he's changed the location) and gave him the golden key to the city. I asked if I could see the key, but his mom has it stored in a lock box because it's priceless.
What kills me is his wife who's so sweet, but has to put up with this fuckwad.
Doogla4485 · 2 points · Posted at 06:22:35 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A group of us are at Disney World getting on the Mission Space ride, where our compulsive liar friend turns to us and says "Yeah my uncle was the sole survivor of the Space Shuttle Columbia disaster. He stayed back on the space station so he didn't die. But you probably know him better from his appearances on Home Improvement. He's really good friends with Tim Allen."
iLikenoodles679 · 2 points · Posted at 06:30:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Told me he can drink 98 beers in one sitting without getting drunk. Lol
ArrowRobber · 2 points · Posted at 06:46:20 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
There was this guy I knew, we met online, he loved going off on long elaborate stories to get attention. He sometimes even posted the stories instead of telling them to me. Then one day he stopped existing because I was just talking to myself. And here I am.
ThorTheMastiff · 2 points · Posted at 06:51:29 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Since many of you may know her by these incidents, I'm leaving off her name to spare her any embarrassment.
1) We were dead broke when we left the White House
2) I came under sniper fire after landing in Bosnia
3) All my grandparents were immigrants
4) I was named after Sir Edmund Hillary (he climbed Mt. Everest several years after she was born)
5) I tried to join the marines but was turned down
6) My email server was set up in accordance with the rules in place. I never had any secret emails on that server
7) She claimed for weeks that Benghazi was caused by a video when there's proof via an email that she knew that night that it wasn't. Equipped with that information, while standing over the flag-draped coffins of the murdered Americans, she repeated the lie about the video
8) I have never had a subpoena regarding the Benghazi attack - Trey Goudy then produced the subpoena showing that she had, in fact, been subpoenaed
9) Regarding Bernie Sanders, “And I always get a little chuckle when I hear my opponent talking about doing it [health care reform]. Well, I don't know where he was when I was trying to get health care in '93 and '94, standing up the insurance companies, standing up against the drug companies."
In the ‘90s, Sanders appeared at a health care reform event with her — in which she thanked him for his work and help on the issue.
www.c-span.org/…
Furthermore, she wrote Sanders a letter additionally thanking him for his work on universal health care.
10) Chelsea was jogging around the World Trade Center on 9/11. Chelsea herself has denied she was
11) She claimed she was "instrumental" in the Northern Ireland peace process yet the people who were there say she was nowhere to be seen.
12) Rose Hill billing records turned up in the living quarters of the White House 3 days after the statute of Limitations ran out. She claimed she didn't know anything about them
13) She lied, saying the White House Travel Office personnel were corrupt, thereby allowing them to be fired so her cronies could take over. There was no proof offered and all the employees were found to be upstanding employees. But hey! they needed the slots for their friends.
14) Cattlegate! She claimed that she educated herself and read the Wall Street Journal to learn how to trade in cattle futures. Someone back-checked the Journal and found no articles that would be helpful. She finally admitted the were made in the account of James Blair, an attorney for Arkansas-based Tyson foods.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 07:56:35 on August 18, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well done :)
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 06:54:24 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My mom is a compulsive liar. I love her but I don't trust anything she says. She tries to tell me lies about my childhood all the time and I always catch her in the middle of it.
PippyLongSausage · 2 points · Posted at 06:54:36 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy in high school said his mom died in an underground fighting tournament and he didn't drive his lambo to school because it was too low to go over the speed bumps.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 07:30:58 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
In the sixth grade his computer failed to boot, so he had to rewrite the operating system from scratch. It took all night.
mypancreashatesme78 · 2 points · Posted at 07:38:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Too many to write down and even if one his stories were true I wouldn't believe it because he has told so many lies. Something can happen while we are together and when he retells the story it will change dramatically. :( He is my husband.
Ol_shamus · 2 points · Posted at 07:50:26 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
An acquaintance I had in the Army was always a one upper, and 99.9% of the time it was obvious bullshit. His stories varied from being related to Whitey Bulger to being a body builder before he joined (obviously not true) and ect. When you deploy you spend an unnatural amount of time around people you dislike, so I heard it all. He told us one time when we were out training, that as a child, his father would make him sit in restaurants and use reflections and his memory to recite all the license plate numbers of the cars in the parking lot and details about people sitting behind him. For some reason it sounded really familiar, but I couldnt for the life of me remember why. It finally hit me, that's the beginning of the TV show psych.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 07:52:42 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a classmate back in high school who apparently:
1) owns Ferrero Rocher flip-flops. fucker didn't know that was my favorite chocolate and I immediately smelled BS. 2) hacked the Pentagon. 3) told everyone she has a brain tumour during second year, done in bad taste because we also have a guy who has an actual brain tumour.
there's a lot more but I forgot since I cut off connections with most of my hs batch, but I will never forget ferrero rocher flip-flops
Rangerpowers · 2 points · Posted at 08:01:53 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a guy tell me he orgasmed for 5 minutes because of a special move his girlfriend did. Fuck you Andrew, that didn't happen.
Just4Lulzz · 2 points · Posted at 09:06:22 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He always makes up a story to not hang out with us. He's an introvert. He doesn't understand that it's okay to say no, but we are friends so I'd rather hang out with him once in a while. The worst lie he told us was that he was going to the doctor's. He didn't go clearly because he was still on facebook sending us messages lol.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 09:26:23 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Can't tell if these stories are true or the commenters are compulsive liars lying about stories about compulsive liars...
macotom · 2 points · Posted at 12:32:20 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My flatmate becomes a compulsive liar only when she's blackout drunk, so I usually end up finding the real story the next day, and she has no recollection of her original version. Best two are that she knocked out a 6 foot guy (she's 5'2") and got arrested by the police who then proceeded to steal her phone, drive her round and drop her off miles from home. Or the time when her mate gave her a piggyback and she fell off, only to explain to me she'd been beaten up by a group of girls and left by all her friends. Dunno what goes through her head when she's that drunk...
plaperpate · 2 points · Posted at 12:42:46 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
The ex of one of my best friends has many entertaining stories. One of my favorites is the time he tried to convince us he "killed a bear" by jumping onto its back and slitting its throat with a "really thick wire" and stabbing it with "a sharpened toothbrush shiv". Of course, before we could ask, he asserted that "I'd show you the wire but my camera isn't working." When we called his bullshit, he dug himself even deeper by trying to act like he had been joking about it being a real bear, then insisting that he had actually broken into a home and shredded apart a teddy bear for literally no reason.
Also, for the longest time he had been trying to convince us that he "can rap as fast as Eminem", sending us the hilariously poorly written raps that he'd made. Every time we spoke to him he would find some excuse for why he can't rap in person at the moment, until one day we verbally cornered him into admitting that he can't actually rap for shit.
And we can't forget the time he ambiguously told us he couldn't talk online because he was "doin' illegal shit". I guess he realized how absurd he was being with his badassery that time because after a minute he confessed that he had actually just jaywalked. Once.
11numbers · 2 points · Posted at 17:28:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I worked with a guy that lied all of the time and was also a "one upper". We were talking about a friend of ours who just found out that he was going to play Division 1 basketball. After a few one ups he ended up claiming that his friend could dunk from the 3 point line. For reference the Air Jordan logo is Michael Jordan dunking from the free throw line, he claimed that his friend did that from 7 feet further back.
K0rbenLlamas · 2 points · Posted at 17:29:06 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have 2: When i was in 8th grade, i had a friend who liked most of the music i did. We were close friends. Talked everyday and shared many funny insiders. Rewinding to how i met her (don't worry, i'll make it short.) was through another friend who mentioned that this girl breathed and lived Jrock. (i was obsessed back then.) and that her boyfriend was the lead singer of a jrock band called larc en ciel. Of course, being a gullible 13 year old, i went on ahead and praised her. Going forward, the lead singer all of a sudden became Jade (the bassist from AFI.) she would make up screen names for each member so she can chat with me and my other friend.. while pretending to be the members. She would also photoshop herself in pictures with him and she would use interview videos of Jade to talk to me through the phone...etc. I look back at it now and i can't believe how fucking dumb i was. the second one was: My ex boyfriend was known as a compulsive liar in high school, sadly i didn't know him in high school. I met him after he had graduated and i was a senior. Anyway, he was known to make up stories about him covering for other well known bad members. He would also make up stories about his dad and grandma dying. All for pity and to be praised... one time he had called me and asked me if i wanted to hear his drum cover of "Welcome to the black parade." by my chemical romance. Of course, i knew he was a phony. He played the regular song over the phone for me and all i had to say was, "uhmmm..... nice......" i should of confronted him.. but i wanted to avoid that argument.. because a liar gets crazy after being confronted... oh boy...
GrainneNi · 2 points · Posted at 17:35:37 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend in secondary school who'd say that she had cat ears and tail growing on her body. However, it wouldn't "show up" when other people are around. Only when she was alone. She also claimed to have jumped off the roof and survived because she was a half-cat. She was cold serious about it.
That's just the greatest of her lies. I believe that this girl's every word was a lie.
MrFishpaw · 2 points · Posted at 17:38:24 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not a story, but a friend of mine posted an obviously photoshopped picture of the Blood Moon and acted like he took it. It looked nothing like most people's pics because of the clouds that night.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 17:41:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Later in life, my grandmother told people she was a Canadian pilot in the Second World War.
Nope, she worked in a plane factory in the Toronto area.
jakethewookie · 2 points · Posted at 17:56:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This dude me and my mates know reckons he has a degree in anything, has worked everywhere and isn't working now cause he is "taking a break" from it all.... Dudes like 23 and reckons he is a qualified everything. Also has to story top everyone which is hilarious when you call him out on it.
Gets awkward fast.
AFewBoys · 2 points · Posted at 17:59:16 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Kid I was friends with freshman year of high school insisted he was gonna be a famous rapper. One day in class he leans over and asks what I thought of some lyrics he'd written.. On the page were both of Del the Funkee Homosapien's verses of "Clint Eastwood" handwritten in his notebook. I promptly called him out and he just stammered and said "oh yeah, I really like that song." I still cringe thinking of this. And I can't fathom why he would think that would fly, it was a very popular song especially during that time.
BestPirateEver · 1 points · Posted at 00:48:12 on June 28, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a boyfriend in high school who wrote down the lyrics to "Lullaby" by Shawn Mullins and told me that he had written the song for me. It was so cringeworthy that I dumped him 5 minutes later. I feel gross just thinking about that.
molive333 · 2 points · Posted at 18:03:52 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This girl who I was friends with told me she gave head to her boyfriend on an airplane and made him finish. She has never had sex before and doesn't really enjoy anything sexually, but somehow she kept her head under a blanket long enough, without getting caught, to make him cum. She also mentioned that there was someone sitting in the seat next to her and the stewardess would walk by, but no one noticed. Meanwhile, there are people who masturbate under blankets and make planes land early to kick them off.
yaboyjigsawjr · 2 points · Posted at 18:22:06 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy claimed he custom built his computer to have (and claimed it had) a 200 terabyte hard drive. I thought he was mistakenly saying "terabyte" when he may have meant "gigabyte". Nope. He stuck with it.
He told me this in 2010.
solace-in-misery · 2 points · Posted at 18:27:10 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
An established Polish Youtuber based in the UK, xitsmike. I don't know him personally, but I know enough about him and his fiancé to know they're both as bad as each other when it comes to lying.
Firstly, he used to always whine on Twitter and Tumblr about how abusive his parents were. That stopped when his dad found out about this, and to my knowledge what followed was the only real incident of domestic abuse he's ever endured.
Then, along with another Youtuber, he accused someone with mental health issues of lying about everything in order to garner attention, claiming he had definitive proof. Firstly, said victim lived on the other side of the country to him and, unless he travelled all that way just to get "evidence", had nothing to actually back up his claim. Secondly, said victim never received any special treatment or attention from anybody, ever. I'm still not sure what Mike was talking about.
Also, both Mike and his now-fiancé made false rape allegations against a guy who both had slept with before dating each other. My understanding is that neither of them were going anywhere with this guy, and left it at that. Mike, however, kept begging this guy to take him back, going as far as threatening to kill himself if he didn't. He even sent him disturbing pictures of self-inflicted injuries all over his body to try to get him back. When that didn't work, he created a false story about how he was raped four times, twice in one night. Police found the guy innocent, and Mike's story was hastily deleted from his website, along with his fiancé's own story.
Oh, and there's also the record deal he allegedly signed up for about three years ago (we're STILL waiting for his debut single, btw, never mind the EP). Plus the time he was homeless, despite living with his fiancé in their own flat, and begged his audience to send him money; first to "buy [him] a house", then to "help him get his life back on track", but he'd use the money to buy an iMac, iPhone, new filming equipment, etc. Also he lies about his last name, his nationality (he doesn't like people knowing he's Polish), his school years, his upbringing...basically, I've never known him to be honest in his life.
iruckedup · 2 points · Posted at 21:45:49 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a co worker at my old retail job who was always spouting shit. Some of the ones that stuck with me: -She worked for NASA, was a proffessor at a very prestigous university and was Special Forces -Commanded a team of Special Forces Commandos and planned missions from her living room -Frequently took top secret trips to consult for the government -Once had to be picked up by helicopter in the store parking lot for a mission
I'm sure theres others. All this from a women who was at least in her mid 40s and definitely not in special forces shape...
MrCoopaPud · 2 points · Posted at 05:56:58 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
I work with a guy (we're in the US) who's flown to Mt Everest hundreds of times. Sometimes he jumps out of planes or helicopters to snowboard down the peak, sometimes he climbs the entire mountain.
He's a "famous" DJ and flies all over the country for his gigs. He's got one coming up for Mardi Gras where he will be the main attraction. He shows me all kinds of dubstep that he produces (we all know he didn't actually make the music but I always play along hoping he'll continue his lies) he gets paid up front thousands of dollars for his shows but works with me 5 days a week for minimum wage at a sporting goods store.
He's flying to Germany soon to get in touch with his roots and buy a snowboard (for Mt Everest) the snowboard, by the way, is only available for purchase in Germany and cannot be bought online and shipped to the US.
Tonight he flew out to Boston for a one day visit. He recently played Fallout 4 so that's where this lie comes from, he's one of those guys who just lies about whatever is closest. He could reach out and grab a pen and suddenly you will hear about how he purchased a $20,000 fountain pen in Italy (he hasn't lied about pens yet but I'm sure I could get him to by saying I know nothing about pens)
How does he afford to do all the things he does? (aside from the fact that he's a famous DJ) well, that's simple he has a millionaire friend named Damien who owns a construction company, a company with no name and a friend with no face of course. Anyway, Damien owns a private jet that my coworker can use at his leisure.
He invited me to the next Mt Everest trip along with one of our other coworkers and loves to remind us that the trip can be cancelled last minute for Damien's business but I'm still waiting to see where that goes.
Beached_is · 2 points · Posted at 12:06:06 on June 27, 2016 · (Permalink)
So late to the party, but this guy is so bad, that just writing it down will make me feel better.
I'm a researcher in a University. This guy is a new (<2 years) lecturer. He combines 1-upping and lying to make the most incredible stories.
By "trade" he's a geophysicist. However, he's also a top sniper, race car driver, welder, professional athlete and part of the mafia.
My favourite lie of his was that he was inside the vatican - he just walked in. A swiss guard came and asked him for ID, to which he responded by breaking the guards arm in three places. He got off free because "his dad is the top judge in Italy". To top it all off, the guy is about 5'8, probably weighs about 120lbs and looks like he hangs upside-down in a vile of vinegar each night.
Ifidefix · 9 points · Posted at 10:09:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He once said he was lying. He obviously wasn't.
Send_Tits_For_Cash · 8 points · Posted at 13:47:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So, I was meeting a friend of mine to go and see the new avengers movie. Now, this guy had the habit of being to late quite often and always has a wonderful excuse for it... Bus got stuck in traffic, bike broke down, had to help an old lady, that kind of stuff...
Now this time he was REALLY late and the movie was about to start... So I decide to call him to see what's up, but I can't reach the guy... After another unfruitful try, I head into the theatre somewhat pissed that I had already bought tickets for the both of us and he didn't show up. I decided to leave him a voice mail message with the seat numbers and tell him he better have a hell of an excuse for this... However, he didn't show up in the end.
A few days later, he called me to say he was sorry, followed by an amazing excuse ...
So he told me he decided to go to the movie theater by bike, only to find out that his bike had been stolen. He saw some tracks and followed them right into some back alley where he found his bike, completely untouched and intact. When he grabbed the bike he was punched in the back by an unknown masked man, who said he shouldn't have followed them.
Next thing he did was trying to call 911, only to see two more men popping up, both big bald dudes, dressed in black and coming at him threatingly. While scurrying up and running from the (now 3) men, he drops his phone, but can't be bothered since he just wants to get away.
Some way or another he manages to get up on a dumpster in the alley and to jump onto a nearby fire escape ladder. He starts to climb for his life, while one of the three guys persuits him, and after climbing 2 stories of fire escape ladders, he finds an open window. Now my friend is terrified, doesn't think and just rushes inside the house, looks for the nearest exit and scrams outside.
Next thing, after he got home, he told his mom the entire story (he still lived with his parents) and asked her to call the cops. His mum turns pale and gets visibly scared and tells him silently, 'no, the cops won't be of much help to you now... You need to leave, and leave soon... I'll arrange for a place for you to stay at, you'll have to live with your aunt and uncle for the time being". She immediately drove him to the airport, bought a plane ticket and told him everything had been arranged. She kissed him on the cheek, gave him the ticket and then left him.
The journey had been better than he expected, since he got promoted to first class, because his seat seemed to have been booked twice. He thought it would be nice to enjoy after all that fuss, downed a glass of orange juice and slept like a baby for the rest of the flight.
After landing, he looked around and saw someone with a cardboard plate that had his name on it. He looked like a police officer, but when he went near the guy, he recognised the guy, it was one of the beefy guys from the alley back home. He ran away as fast as possible, whistled for a cab. One approached him and even though the licence plate looked somewhat sketchy he jumped straight into the car. He shouted the adress to the driver and they were off... The drive was horrible, there were these big plush dice hanging on the mirror, which smelled like putrid old socks and the cab driver couldn't keep his mouth shut for a second. The drive was long and it tiresome, and it was already evening when they arrived, probably about 7 or 8 o clock... He paid the cab driver, who offered him a business card with his number and info. My friend just looked at the foul pluch stench-balls and yelled, yeah... I'll smell you later...
He had finally arrived at his destination, still not really sure what the hell had happened to him, but he didn't really care, he rang the bell and was welcomed inside. His aunt and uncle had heard everything and wanted to comfort him as much as possible, pampering him with his favorite drinks, movies and games...
At the end of his story, I just sighed, noticeably annoyed. He told me "now, don't be mad man... I'll make it up to you, you can come over to Bel-air and come stay with me for a while, I'm living the life as a prince man!"...
I got annoyed and just told him: "I've had enough of your lies, excuses and crap Will, I don't wanna see or hear you anymore!" after which I just hung up the phone...
Totally-Not-Cthulhu · 8 points · Posted at 16:12:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It took me the sketchy license plate to figure it out.
PackTheBowl · 3 points · Posted at 20:29:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Stupid as fuck. Missed the whole point if these types of posts
perkyzebra · 4 points · Posted at 14:01:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That was amazing.
kellykellykellyyy · 1 points · Posted at 16:28:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In the beginning, I thought you were going to do the episode of Always Sunny where they travel through the sewage system.
Holdin_McGroin · 4 points · Posted at 11:56:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"My Dad works at Nintendo"
"Mew is actually under a truck in Pokemon Red"
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 13:13:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The truck glitch is real. Go find footage of it from Awesome Games Done Quick
Zahndethus · 3 points · Posted at 14:15:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What a liar, it's the BLUE version!
https://youtu.be/4tmXlEP-FOQ?t=1138
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 14:41:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
lol I remember this as a kid. I don't remember if it was true or not tho
buttdirt · 3 points · Posted at 15:53:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I dated a girl when I was 26, who introduced herself as being 23. Later she said she had graduated from a four year college and had been in town for three years. I called her out on the math not making sense and she said, OK, I'm actually 25. I'll let it slide, but no more lying, plz. Then she was showing me a scrapbook of stuff from when she was a kid and I noticed a newspaper clipping that she was in. It said she was 5, and the date on the paper was 1982. Now, I was born in 1981 so immediately I was like, uh... this paper here says you're actually closer to 29 than 25. "Oh that must be a typo." You're a typo, you liar.
047032495 · 4 points · Posted at 18:14:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My roommate told me he filled a metal trash can with "10 pounds of weed" , lit it on fire, and then got high off of the smoke. I don't think he knew how impractical or absurdly expensive that would be, but he insisted that he did it. Also I know another guy who steals stories from reddit comments and pretends they actually happened to him.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:01:57 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
are you this person?
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/4p3v98/people_who_know_a_compulsive_liar_what_ridiculous/d4hu74e
fakeyero · 4 points · Posted at 19:03:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Surprised Hillary Clinton isn't atop this list.
[deleted] · 7 points · Posted at 12:49:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When I was in prison, there was this woman who would constantly talk about her boyfriend. She said they were madly in love and that he missed her so much, but I never saw him go to visitation once.
Turns out they aren't together. She actually tried to murder his actual fiancée with a car bomb.
Now she's married to a guy she met through prison pen pals I think? She said they're trying for a baby. Okay.
bring_back_firefly · 2 points · Posted at 14:28:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I see what you did there.
Jeremy1026 · 2 points · Posted at 16:22:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Morello? Lorna Morello, is that you?
[deleted] · 6 points · Posted at 11:31:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
quaid4 · 9 points · Posted at 13:39:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Is it possible he just wasn't paying too much attention, heard a name he knew and remembered only that.
Fiennes · 2 points · Posted at 13:16:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Unless your SO is called Football.
Danzo-Is-The-Best · 3 points · Posted at 11:41:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I AM the compulsive liar in this story.
I work retail, mostly behind the checkouts meaning I spend a fair chunk of my working day interacting with many weird and wonderful people.
Now, this isn't all bad I'm quite the social chap however a lot of the 'small talk' conversations irk me a fair bit so I tend to think on my feet a fair bit and literally just make shit up to random customers when the tide takes me to Liesville.
Here, is one of them from my ever-growing volume of lies shamelessly copied from my own Facebook. (A lot of this could be incoherent to Non-Brit folk)
Danzo's fucking weird and pointless customer lies: Volume 4.
Some girl buys a Terry's chocolate orange for £1.
Girl: -Gasps- A chocolate orange for a pound! That's crazy! They're £4 at Spar!
Me: Ugh, I know! Literally I think I've eaten my body weigh in them this week alone (I've eaten half of one)
Girl: they're getting hard to open though now, that's the only problem!
Me: Well!! I was gonna say actually (wasn't) it may be a pound at the moment but one of them has ended up costing me loads.
Girl: How?
Me: No word of a lie, right (every word was a lie) I hit it on the table, wouldn't open... Hit it harder.... Still, nothing. So I got irritated and full on hit it against my wall..... Anyway, as it goes my wall is paper thin, and nowwww! There's a conveniently sized chocolate orange hole in the wall. I've not yet called the landlord because what the hell could I say without looking like a madman?
Thankfully I won't have to say a word, on account that there is no hole, hell there's not even a chocolate orange.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:50:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Retail/salesmen here. I make up alot of BS stories when dealing with customers as well.
Self-Aware · 1 points · Posted at 23:31:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Kinda goes with the job, both for boosting sales and maintaining sanity.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:35:30 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yes it does.lol
hcshenoy · 2 points · Posted at 13:34:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well, I am really embarrassed to say this, but I too tend to make up shit sometimes. I dont know why that happens, why I'm compelled to say something that's obviously false to both me and the people listening. Once I made up a story about how I proposed to a girl in my third grade class. Again, I'm embarrassed to say it now, but at the time I told this story, I came up with a lot of creative plots and narrated whatever came into my mind, like "I grabbed her hand and we ran away into the playground" and "we got reported to the principal" etc.
Someone help me.
Ihateants · 2 points · Posted at 18:12:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"I love you"
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 18:25:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"If you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor."
Blasphemy4kidz · 2 points · Posted at 18:30:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Late to the party, but most of these examples being upvoted are terrible liars. The worst(best?) compulsive liars are the ones that you may never realize are lying.
Urdnot_Wrex88 · 2 points · Posted at 05:38:18 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
That she loved me.
GeronimoEKIAx2 · 2 points · Posted at 10:39:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My weed man told me Willie Nelson personally gave him a LB out his secret stache and I could buy some for an extra $20. He also told me the highest he's ever been was when he smoked a bowl on top of Mt. Everest.
fistingdonkeys · 2 points · Posted at 12:54:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The best lie is that the stache was 'secret'. In truth, Willie Nelson's mo has been out and proud for decades.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 11:28:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend who said he had a girlfriend, but she lives in Canada so we can't meet her
GOARMYBOY · 2 points · Posted at 20:31:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ah yes, Canada, the place where most fake SO live.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 18:10:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hillary Clinton said she was always against NAFTA after she was the one who made sure it passed. That was one of my favourites from her. The best though was when she claimed she was for progressive values only years after campaigning against gay marriage. What a classic.
ifcashinyourway · 1 points · Posted at 11:29:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have daydreams of telling the truth in such a way that people will think I am lying. Only to realize later I was telling the truth.
wahe3bru · 1 points · Posted at 08:51:53 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
friends dad gave him got 4 free tickets to watch a rugby game (good match), the weather was shitty and it was 2 hours before kick off. I was with him and we got a yes from another buddy. the 4th guy whom we not so close with says yes but is coming from far...
2 mins from kick off we can't wait anymore and we put his ticket inside the plastic you get covering a cigarette pack, twice. place it under a bin and text him the location. we enjoy the match and the next monday i tell a couple friends from campus about the mission to watch the rugby match including the hidden ticket - but we never saw him and weren't too eager to talk to him.
2 weeks later a friend from campus tells me that he's chilling by his gf and one of her friends tells this ridiculous story of why he left early the last time, involving leaving a comfortably warm house to go out into a storm to watch a rugby match with friends of a friend (who is not with) and then on the way getting a text to where his ticket is hidden - now this guy is a known story teller so people question him about evrything including why the ticket didn't get soaked and as he explains my buddy asks if he knows wahe3bru and then vouches that he's story is true
would of loved to see the look of on there faces ;)
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 11:44:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A man who I work with claims there is a super fast bullet train on operation from Manchester to London that takes 45 minutes.
aurra21 · 1 points · Posted at 11:50:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My cousin tried to tell me that he was part of the team from the movie "Zero Dark Thirty" without ever mentioning the movie name. He just gave us the plot synopsis and hoped that no one would noticed.
milakoplusdrencrum · 1 points · Posted at 13:41:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he was one of the actors in the movie or did he say he was in Seal Team 6?
aurra21 · 1 points · Posted at 00:42:45 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he was part of the seal team
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 11:52:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Her car was in a James Bond movie, and obviously, despite being a Mercedes, it was Bonds car.
She once laughed at someone giving out how expensive paper was and then told us that she never had to buy paper, she just photocopies a sheet she has at home.
Worst of all, she told everyone she had cancer. Oddly enough, the cancer seemed to go away after a few weeks, then both of her parents seemingly got cancer, which also disappeared is a few weeks
MobiusMule · 1 points · Posted at 12:07:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Told people at school that his mother was one of the creators of Runescape.
ashybarry · 1 points · Posted at 12:08:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I met this guy (25-ish years old) who worked as a taxi driver in Namibia. He was a millionaire, a doctor, a lawyer, and a former Premier League footballer, the taxi thing was something he just did for fun.
Pretty fun guy.
Dreadsin · 1 points · Posted at 12:14:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My cousin said he got a perfect score on the SAT and denied several offers from MIT
Miss_Forest · 1 points · Posted at 12:21:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My ex boyfriend (when we were around 18-19 years) claimed that he had read the final Harry Potter book before it was published. The book were just about to come out at that time so it would be easy to prove/disprove. I kept asking him about the storyline in the days up to the publication of it and he kept making up crazier explanations for why he wouldn't tell me. I was very stubborn and eager to reveal his lie and it got so bad that he would immediately hung up the phone or leave if I mentioned Harry Potter. He never could tell me what the book was about, so I had to read it myself. Other notable lies were that he had met and partied with Tyra Banks (we don't even live in the US), and had made the drive between two cities 50 minutes apart in 10 minutes. I ended up breaking up with him..
Deminla · 1 points · Posted at 12:23:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This was all in grade 9 so we were 14-15
He was the youngest member of the military and had killed in combat but the government kept him a secret for stealth missions
He said he had multiple personalities in his head and one was Vlad the Impaler
He said a friend of his had hacked US government satellies and knew all kinds of government secrets (aliens, JFK stuff like that)
He said he could see ghosts and communicate.
He said he had fought a Wendigo and won.
I could go on. WE all knew it was bull, but stopped trying to call him out on it since he would just get angry
jefferson497 · 1 points · Posted at 12:23:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy on out dorm floor in college had tales to tell. My 2 favorites are 1- in high school he was the only player to score 2 touchdowns on a single play. He explained as he crossed the goal line he fumbled. The defense picked it up and ran it back. Our heroic friend Rama him down 80 yards, stripped the ball, picked it up and returned it for the official score. 2- also claimed he routinely broke opposing players helmets because he hit them so hard.
He had more nutty stories but those are the ones he repeated
Dugsalvador · 1 points · Posted at 12:23:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That the previous day, he got back from his second tour of Afghanistan.
He was at work.
He was only 18.
British involvement had ended in Afghanistan over two years before this conversation.
He served us last week.
2_minutes_in_the_box · 1 points · Posted at 12:28:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That she was pregnant with twin babies, and one was born prematurely but the other wasn't "ready" so they put it back. Then both babies were mysteriously put up for adoption.
toastedtobacco · 1 points · Posted at 12:31:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend who had a daughter in a northern state, when driving up to visit her he sent a picture of the deep snow and bragged about how well his truck was handling it. In the window you can clearly see "Lexus" printed. He didn't drive a Lexus. Wtf why would you lie about that?
IamTargaryen · 1 points · Posted at 12:34:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One of friend's told me she's Justin Timberlake's cousin.
shave_your_teeth_pls · 1 points · Posted at 12:36:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Context: he's a 40-something years old man, divorced with 1 kid aged 13 or so. His father was wealthy and his money was shared when he died but no one managed to keep his business running. The compulsive liar lived off his inherited money for a few years (he burnt it quickly), reality hit him and he's now a rather poor man struggling to find a job but he has the need to show off, so he lies.
It's got to a point where you can't really believe anything he says. A tiny part of it might be true but he exaggerates everything a lot.
Whenever he overhears anyone is going on holidays to another place he joins the conversation saying he has very important contacts over there who wouldn't mind sharing a room or two, lending a car or just showing them the place. This has happened more times than I can remember - of course no one ever got the number or any information about those contacts.
Last 'big' lies were something about being offered a very important position in uhhh Costa Rica? Apparently his cousin owns the largest coffee plantations and is pals with the president. The plantations are so large he has several helicopters to do some quick surveillance.
Another one was that some hotel from another Caribbean country offered him some CEO/manager position too and he was leaving last summer. He's still here.
Oh well... sigh
Tupnado21 · 1 points · Posted at 12:41:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When we were kids, my older brother was called out for not brushing his teeth. My father asked him, he lied and said yes. My father checked his toothbrush and it was dry. My brother went as far as to say he dried his toothbrush with the hair dryer. I still find this funny 30 years later.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 12:41:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
Brianthelion83 · 1 points · Posted at 12:45:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
How did we get from wolf to the prom? It seems like a sentence is missing
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 14:08:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
1_Toke_overthe_Line · 1 points · Posted at 21:46:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Edited for Wolfiness~
eldri7ch · 1 points · Posted at 12:41:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Used to work with a guy that tried to convince me that he had a lion and a tiger at his house while he worked a minimum wage job.
Troubador222 · 1 points · Posted at 16:10:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I did know a guy in the 1980s who had a tiger for a while. He was in construction and made good money and he could not afford to feed it. He was able to get a zoo to take it. It was not fully grown when he gave it up and he had not had it declawed or defanged.
canadianbydeh · 1 points · Posted at 12:42:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a guy in his who said his friend could bench press 1400lbs.
BuddyPeanuts · 1 points · Posted at 12:42:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know a mid-50's guy named Max. Really sweet, nice guy-drives a big rig for a living. He is also 450lbs and about 5'9" Throughout the 18 months I have known Max I have heard these tidbits:
-works undercover for both the CIA and FBI -trains Navy Seals -until a year ago he was with the 82nd Airborne -played QB at NC State -was a Marine -needs to be 450lbs as part of his undercover work -has had dinner with every President since Jimmy Carter -has three testicles -wife finds really hot girls and brings them home for Max
It never stops. The sad thing is this dude is really funny and sweet. Just feels the need to embellish everything.
Brianthelion83 · 1 points · Posted at 12:44:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not any one person but as a mechanic with many years experience it cracks me up when you get a new guy talking about this car he drove,has, built etc. trying to impress everyone
Your story starts filling with giant holes when you tell it to people who know about the stuff your talking about and we see every flaw in your story.
PsykeSC · 1 points · Posted at 12:47:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He had a jetpack in his backpack. But a truly powerful one that allowed him to go as fast as a jet. But he was out of gas and had to go to Mexico to fill it back up with a special kind of fuel.
Later that year, he and his parents actually took a trip to Mexico, so when he came back, we obviously asked if he had filled up his jetpack.
Of course he did! He used it all week to fly him and his parents across the whole country! But now it was already half empty, and he absolutely needed a full tank just for ignition during the cold canadian winter.
He wasn't a young kid. We were around 12-13 years old and the guy was around 15 and seemed to genuinely believe his lies and would constantly have such inventions of his own creation that he couldn't show off from fear of the government tracking him down.
His fear of the government didn't stop him from telling us all about them though.
Mazoo1 · 1 points · Posted at 12:48:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When someone claims twin Titan SLI in their notebook, you know something is up.
ctare · 1 points · Posted at 12:48:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I work with a fella, Josh. First time I speak to him, he tells me how he hasn't passed his driving test cause he had a seizure and they took his learner licence away for a year, fair enough.
Then a few weeks later he topic comes round again and this time he hasn't passed because he actually had a shoulder injury from rugby. Obviously I'm now skeptical, because not only has the seizure never happened, he's hefting pretty heavy loads round the shop with a supposed shoulder injury.
Next few times we work together after that I find out that he's been on a night out and woken up in a different country, been manager of a computer shop at 16, and had an offer from Oxford university but turned it down because of his managerial position. The last one came out after I'd told him I'd had an interview at Cambridge.
I go along with it because I'd like to see how much more ridiculous it can get.
thebonstergirl · 1 points · Posted at 12:49:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Aspiring actor friend told us that he was cast as Peter Pan in Guillermo Del Toro's new, gritty interpretation of the story slated to be released in 2018.
coprolite_hobbyist · 1 points · Posted at 12:50:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So two guys at my high school caused quite a bit of trouble. Turns out they had been riding around in a stolen car for a couple of months and then one of them crashed it into a house while driving drunk. The other one wasn't in it, but his fingerprints were all over everything (he already had a record) so they stole another car and fled the state. All well and good, this is mostly verified and various versions of it are going around the school. I happened to hear a rather interesting version of it that involved a third guy that nobody knew about and was concealing is involvement for obvious reasons. I didn't really know the guy that told me this, I just saw him in the parking lot occasionally where a few people would have a smoke before heading to class. But I knew he was lying when he told me that he was the third guy. I knew that because I was the third guy. I kind of shit my pants at the thought that this story was going around, but nothing ever came of it.
jonahsmells · 1 points · Posted at 12:53:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a gay friend live with me for awhile and he always talked about this guy he was dating. No one had ever met him but he had a million stories about him. I always thought it was fishy.
One day I went in his room for the first time in ages and saw a photo album with his boyfriends name on it. I thought "oh, he actually IS real, huh!"
I opened it and sure enough it was filled with pictures of a guy, piercings and long black hair. The pictures were printed on printer paper.
A quick Google search of "emo guy", and the truth was out. He was fake.
Same person would also often make fake Facebook accounts pretending to be someone who was moving to our town, and would ask his friends questions about himself using the account.
Scumbagkeeks · 1 points · Posted at 12:53:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"I got home from school one day and my mom/step-dad had moved while I was at school the whole house was empty and my stuff was in boxes in the front yard, I have no idea where my mom lives now and I haven't been able to contact her since then." You mean minus the fact that you are friends with her and your sister who still lives with her on facebook and they tag you in photos all the time?
TiFaeri · 1 points · Posted at 12:54:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My sister is a narcissist and by extension a liar. One of our mutual friends was abused by his dad, beat with the buckle end of a belt for breaking a dish kind of abused.
Now, my parents aren't perfect and have anger management issues. But they weren't as bad as my friend's dad by a long shot. They yelled at us a lot. My mom had severe anxiety and would ground us, then calm down and forget she did. Example: I left a load of laundry in the dryer, was screamed at for being irresponsible and inconsiderate, and grounded for a week.
She told him the above story as her story, not mine. So she'd have more stories to make her childhood sound like his.
Raccooninmyceiling · 1 points · Posted at 12:54:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Some unintidating guy in grade 11, I was in 12 at the time, tried to tell me he was an arms dealer in Toronto. Oh yeah he could get crates full of glocks and mp5's but anything bigger would be taxed and the cost wasn't worth it. This was a pale beanpole kid with a voice like your stereotypical nerd.
archeruscanga5 · 1 points · Posted at 12:54:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had an Indian friend that would tell you life stories that sounded a little far fetched to say the least. He would loose track of what he told you so he would then show you Bollywood movies with those plots. The best one was him having a stand down with the whole police force in his city and telling them to "shoot me already".
nn_ylen · 1 points · Posted at 12:54:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he was so good at throwing playing cards that he once threw one at a lady walking a dog and it cut the leash off and the dog ran away.
QUEENROLLINS · 1 points · Posted at 12:55:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This guy from my old school said his mother gave birth to him in the car, and he drove his mum to hospital. Sounds like a joke, but he's deadly serious and got really angry when you took the piss.
emsmale · 1 points · Posted at 12:56:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend who lived a couple doors down growing up. I was nice and trusting kid which made me super gullible. At first it was small stuff like her knock-off american girl doll was actually real and my real one was the knock-off or that Britney Spears was her cousin and she lived in our neighborhood, or that her dad could lift a car or that she could talk to animals. I'm sure there were more but those are the ones I can remember. Her parents had a Y2K shelter in their house so maybe that whole family was a little unstable.
Scumbagkeeks · 1 points · Posted at 12:58:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"The dr told me I have cancer, but if I get pregnant the cancer will go away"
nehala · 1 points · Posted at 12:59:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he spoke several languages fluently.
He "speaks" both Irish and Scottish gaelic, German, Portuguese, etc. He's "fluent" in French but once texted me asking me what is French for 15 (this was before smartphones)-- and I speak beginner's French. Once I got a sniff of how full of BS he was, I asked him what was Mandarin for 20, having had looked it up in advance. He blurted nonsense. He also complains Chinese people always speak to him in an accent he can't understand.
sirachasamurai · 1 points · Posted at 12:59:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"I was taking this dump truck of blow over the border..."
Matrauder · 1 points · Posted at 13:01:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he had $2 billion coming to him any day now, his dad was Osama Bin Laden and his daughter is a princess.
Besides the obvious I'm about 99% sure he doesn't even have a daughter so yeah, that.
slammabangjoe · 1 points · Posted at 13:01:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He got shot in the knee while raccoon hunting and has a wooden splint type thing inside instead of a metal one. Complete with the limp and everything. He's also color blind and has to ask you what color red things are constantly so you can't forget.
Oh and he has an 8 inch dick that's just so troublesome.
hotdynamites · 1 points · Posted at 13:02:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a guy who told me his brother 'solved' √-1.
Story didn't change when I casually mentioned it wasn't physically possible either.
UltimoKyle · 1 points · Posted at 13:03:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I work with a guy who is a crazy liar he tells all sorts of stuff, he tells eveyone the ring he wares if a family ring passed down for the Napoleonic war but it is Aragorns ring Lotr, he says he is a British citizen and has dual citizen ship (we are in canada) and he doesn't have to pay taxes because his bank account is in canada, the list goes on and on with ridiculous shit
ShroudedSciuridae · 1 points · Posted at 13:03:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Tumors. They all at some point develop fucking tumors.
Ivan677 · 1 points · Posted at 13:03:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dealer in his mid 30s always told us about his girlfriend named Karin, Katrin and sometimes Katharina. Till today nobody ever saw her. And one time he tried to make us believe that a police helicopter was hovering in front of his balcony and they were filming him via infraredcameras.
Roaro · 1 points · Posted at 13:05:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he holds he record for the highest speeding ticket in Massachusetts. apparently he was caught going 240mph on a motorcycle. I doubt he can even ride a bike, let alone a motorcycle.
Ikea_Man · 1 points · Posted at 13:05:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A friend of mine has told some doozies:
That his father is the head of the local mafia, and according to "Mafia tradition", as the firstborn son, he has no choice but to become the next head figure when his father steps down. According to him, if he doesn't accept, the mob will kill him and his husband.
His foreign-born Irish husband apparently is heir to an enormous dairy fortune that stems from huge tracts of farmland that his family owns in Ireland. This was used as the reason the husband didn't take my friend's name in marriage, as they couldn't forfeit their "Irish dairy throne".
Has turned down multiple jobs at Google, despite working an inferior job.
Has dominated several bar fights despite being 5'3'' with no formal training.
Runs 4-5 self-made businesses and makes a gigantic salary at a day job, but still can barely afford the mortgage on a small home.
Really nice kid, but can't seem to stop lying about his life in utterly bizarre ways.
edit: formatting
walkingcarpet23 · 1 points · Posted at 13:05:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There were a few from a girl I met in college, but two of them stand out:
1) She was at home with her mom and there was a storm. She was texting everyone in our group of friends that a tree had fallen on their driveway and cut a powerline and there was a fire.
I've been to her house. There were no trees within distance of her driveway, and no above ground powerlines on her street at all.
2) That a guy from our college basketball team liked her and had been texting her. She showed us all of "his" texts "he'd" sent her and said he gave her a signed jersey. We asked to see the jersey and she said she couldn't find it. We also realized that the person in her phone whose name was saved as the basketball player was just her boyfriend.
We realized this because she was trying to tell HIM it was the basketball player as well, and he had the exact same texts on his phone...
Caford98 · 1 points · Posted at 13:06:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
She told me that she's friends with pewdiepie and he went alllll the way to a mall in Texas just to meet her. She said she took a picture with him but never showed me the picture. She also said she went to a twenty one pilots concert with markiplier.... Oh and I can't forget how she said she actually has red colored eyes and wears brown colored contacts so she won't scare people.
BallardLockHemlock · 1 points · Posted at 13:06:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Met this guy named Otto. An unemployed meth addict. In the first conversation: He was an engineer, owned a construction company, was a champion MMA fighter, lived on a yacht, drove a Jaguar, he was just back from travelling the world, and had just smoked an entire ounce of weed.
wutser · 1 points · Posted at 13:06:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My half sisters dad told me a ridiculous story once. It started off normal he said he was in a bar and things started to get rowdy with another person so they went outside in the alley to settle the score and while he was fighting the guy a gunshot rang out and killed the person he was fighting. It's sounds somewhat believable so far then he went on to say the shooter was his brother with a sniper rifle from over a kilometer away. The bar he was in is in the middle of a downtown Calgary.
Acridian13 · 1 points · Posted at 13:08:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This guy is always bragging about the women he goes out with, sleeps with, send him nudes, etc. He's always willing to show pics of his latest conquest, glossing over the obvious Brazzers watermark.
Blinger_88 · 1 points · Posted at 13:09:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When I was maybe 6 years old, a friend of mine tried convincing me that he had been shot out of a cannon onto his roof. He said that his dad just had a cannon and it was a ton of fun. I knew he was lying but I couldn't call him out on it because he would just insist that it was true.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:10:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
She told me in all seriousness she was Playboy's Miss May 1973. She would have been 9 years old. She has a copy but is not sure where it is because she hid it from her husband who didn't know.
thedudethedudegoesto · 1 points · Posted at 13:10:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Maybe the time he got in a fight with three guys because he was hitting on one of their girlfriends. He didn't have a scratch on him, despite claims they hit him with a bat.
Or perhaps it was when he told us the reason his family moved was because his mom won a lot of money in the lottery, and didn't want to share with his dad. When I asked why they rent a shitty apartment, he said it was to be on the down low. Then he asked me for a cig.
Could it be the time he told us he was training to be an olympic runner... nothing specific, just a runner. Then lost a footrace against me, the fattest and most out of shape member of the group. (I almost puked, but had he actually trained I wouldn't have stood a chance) He lost because "I'm not wearing the right shoes"
Nah, come to think of it, here's the best one : He comes to our place and takes a drug. we tell him it will take a while to kick in. he gets bored, and against our protests he goes home. 45 minutes later he calls me. We need to bring a joint to the walkway by his house ASAP.
We get there, and he wants to smoke the J because he's so stressed. (clearly out of his mind) Someone says "why are you so stressed?" and he tells us that the police were just at his house. They're accusing him of murder. They have his DNA and Hair at the scene of the crime. "Why didn't they arrest you?" his response : "Not enough evidence, but they're watching me"
chakraattack · 1 points · Posted at 13:11:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A kid I went to school with once told me that a 20-ton block of concrete fell on him when he was 5 and shattered his hip. Considering he was fully able and healthy in high school, I highly doubt that it was true.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:12:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He wrote half the songs on Dave Matthews most recent album, he hangs out with Justin Timberlake, or as he calls him JT.
MajestyA · 1 points · Posted at 13:14:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My housemate at uni once claimed he 'walked across the campus lake' because he was late for class and wanted to save time. The lake was frozen, but the top layer of ice was probably less than a centimetre thick. I went to Uni in the UK - I'm not aware of a single lake in the UK that would freeze thick enough to walk on, but I might be wrong on that.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:38:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I am from the UK. I have never seen it cold enough to walk on a lake.
luisbv23 · 1 points · Posted at 13:15:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This girl is my wife's friend and she told several people that two guys fought over her, and she ended up rejecting both because she has no time for that, and she was with someone better in bed. Then my wife told me she was lying, she is still a virgin because she want a thor-type guy and she dont want to do anything about her weight or even dress acordly. To this day she still bring that up.
Savethetruth · 1 points · Posted at 13:15:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Some kid told me he broke his legs in the forest and crawled like 10 miles back home
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 13:28:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's hardcore.
schecterguy · 1 points · Posted at 13:15:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My sister has told people multiple times that she has had several miscarriages and when asked why she never seems to be distraught she replies with "It's just my life now I'm used to it".
She's never been pregnant.
winch25 · 1 points · Posted at 13:16:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew this guy. He got locked up for fraud. I was sucked into it and it was messy - he lived with me for 3 months and then just went AWOL. http://www.cps.gov.uk/wessex/cps_wessex_news/professional_conman_sentenced_to_five_years_at_winchester_crown_court/
Nickel5 · 1 points · Posted at 13:16:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This guy Al I went to high school with was a man amongst boys when it came to lying. He once claimed he went to Italy for a magic the gathering tournament. We called him out on it, and he pulls up on his phone (this was before smart phones) pictures of the tournament. The pictures are looked very staged and generic. One of my friends went to a computer and found the same pictures online and confronted Al. Al's response was that they were only allowed to take photos from certain spots, so they look similar.
The part that scares me is that this means he set up the lie in advance and prepared for it by downloading photos to his phone. This wasn't some demented spur of the moment lie, this had forethought.
Crail31 · 1 points · Posted at 13:16:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He was my ex. He told me he got mugged amd stabbed on the way to the animal shelter (I told him I liked dogs and he said he was gonna take pictures of them) to stop me from breaking up with him. So he was basically telling me that he had access to internet and his phone while in the hospital and he treated going to the police about it unimportant. Also wouldn't send pictures of the hospital. He'd ignore me whenever I asked him for it and continue the pity show. I got out of there real fast. I kind of feel sad for him though. He was lonely and deppressed and needed attention very badly.
optigrabz · 1 points · Posted at 13:18:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
She said she was named after a famous mountain climber, yet he would not become famous until 6 years after she was born.
Gay_Touredditor · 1 points · Posted at 13:19:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My favorite one, from back in high school:
"Yeah, so like, I didn't get to have sex with him, but I did get to do coke in Vegas with my idol Charlie Sheen"
Two weeks later, in an unrelated story:
"Ugh, all I want is to one day meet my idol Charlie Sheen"
kahvi_4 · 1 points · Posted at 13:19:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a roommate in school that tried to convince me she had a spring and a plate in her foot. The way she described it was so incredibly stupid and would have served no medical purpose whatsoever. She was adamant though, even when I called bullshit. All I could think was, why would that she lie about that?
DisproRS · 1 points · Posted at 13:19:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ex GF told me she has a brother.
Hint: She had no brother.
zikko94 · 1 points · Posted at 13:19:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A 15 year old (with obviously zero experience in programming) was constantly claiming he created NOVA (an iPhone game) and that he was making millions out of it. He was subsequently kicked out of school because his parents couldn't pay the 5k a year tuition.
Hardened_Midget · 1 points · Posted at 13:20:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is one thing that really irritated me, but there are plenty of others. I came home and put a taped 10 dollar Bill on the table. Went to the bathroom, came back And it was gone. I immediately knew it was my mom. I cornered her and made her empty her pockets. Then there was the money. She told me her mother gave it to her. She was a compulsive liar and kleptomaniac.
possible_epileptic · 1 points · Posted at 13:21:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
every time there was a mcdonald's monopoly game, he claimed to have won the million dollars and could get me the other piece I needed
ezzerby · 1 points · Posted at 13:22:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My Sister smokes. Weed and Tobacco. Everyone knows. Most of us don't care. At this point, her life would be way easier if she just admitted it. But she absolutely refuses to, even when she stinks of it. My mother once found cigarettes in her room, and she still wouldn't admit it.
Oh, and then there's everything else as well. She would deny everything. Stealing my mother's clothes, when she's the only one they would fit. Drinking the nice Limoncella my parents brought back from their anniversary in Spain, even though the only alternative was my 14-yo brother. The only time she ever admitted to something was when she was caught shoplifting by the police.
Now, I feel I need to defend her a bit her: deep down, she's a lovely person. But for the last five years she's had a really, really bad case of needstobepopularitis.
a_Mazing_Nurse · 1 points · Posted at 13:22:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oooh.
So I'm a nurse (that brews mead) and, on any given shift, I usually have two to three CNAs under my supervision. Most are good folks. They do their job, they are respectful, some are even decent human beings.
But this one bitch was just something else. We'll call her "Bitch".
I started my current job about eight months ago. At the time, Bitch had two children- DragQueenie and... Juzanthapuss. Whatever, their names aren't important.
What is important is that, about six months into working there, she suddenly had five children. Now, I'm usually a forgetful person, so I figured I just blanked on the number before.
Wrong- she couldn't even show me pictures of all the kids.
About a month ago, she suddenly had two more children (apparently foster children). But get this- one of the kids had severe MS... and was deaf.
The second was a sweet little quadriplegic girl...
Who was also blind.
BONUS ROUND
Bitch apparently lived in a mansion (despite working three jobs as a CNA, hourly about 12$/hr) with her millionair husband.
Bitch regularly offered to give me one of her spare cell phones as she was now on her third LG G4 because... she didn't like the colors of the first two. This never came to fruition
Bitch drove a nice BMW... that she never brought to work because she had to drive "that clunker while the BMW is in the shop". It was a 2000 Saturn... in shit condition.
Bitch was a QMA, despite not being on the state's licensing board for anything but a CNA or knowing said board exists and has a database (that anyone can access) of all state-licensed individuals.
But here's a nugget of justice, folks. She was fired and is facing criminal charges because she shoved a resident in front of said resident's family.
BaconBaker89 · 1 points · Posted at 13:23:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He worked fulltime for the MI5 when he was 16
LordLimpDicks · 1 points · Posted at 13:24:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He was talking to Danish translaters, to release a group of captured Sea Shephard guys. Oh and because the Danish captured those guys, they were gonna get kicked out of the EU. The process was already in motion.
This came from a 19 year old British kitchen hand.
Nanafuse · 1 points · Posted at 13:25:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
How would I know, I'm a pretty trusting person
mr-bucket · 1 points · Posted at 13:25:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That they are not a compulsive liar.
08RedFox · 1 points · Posted at 13:26:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A girl that I used to be friends with in high school began lying for attention at some point. Not sure what prompted the behaviour, because I'm pretty sure she never used to do it when I first met her. But at a certain point she would even lie about dreams she had. (You could tell she was making it up as she went along, and the dream stories were always tailored to the person she was telling it to.) One day, I was sexually assaulted by a guy that she had a crush on. It was pretty bad, the police were involved. I'm not sure what part of the attention I was getting seemed enviable to her, but apparently it did. One day about a week later, this friend, myself, and another friend skipped school to go to the mall. At the end of the day, we were walking back (it's about 40 minutes away from the school on foot), and I needed to make sure I was back in time to catch my school bus. We were cutting it a bit fine, and when we were about 5-10 minutes away from the school, the liar friend says we should cut through this neighbourhood as a shortcut. The neighbourhood she is gesturing to would send us south, the school is to the north. We have made this journey many times, we all know damn well the fastest route between the two points. She is saying we should go in the opposite direction. Other friend and I point this out, but she is oddly determined to walk off alone into the neighbourhood. Whatever. I can't miss my bus, so two of us continue along the obviously right way, while the liar detours inexplicably. We get to the school, and a few minutes later the liar shows up, pretending to sob, total alligator tears. Says that someone raped her in the neighbourhood she walked off into. She then began to weave an intricate tale of what happened in the few minutes since we had lost sight of her. I don't remember the details of what she said, but it was so fantastical and ridiculous, and there was no possible way that all these things had happened in the amount of time that had passed. I guess I found that one to be personally insulting, because it's like she was saying she thought I was lucky for what happened to me, since it gave me a great story to tell. I stopped talking to her after that.
Willy_Faulkner · 2 points · Posted at 14:01:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's terrible. Any lie about sexual assault diminishes real victims, but to lie to someone who has recently gone through it is doubly insulting.
Sorry that happened to you.
The assault and the stupid ex-friend.
08RedFox · 1 points · Posted at 18:51:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Thank you.
Stabmaster_Arson · 1 points · Posted at 13:26:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've posted this one a few times whenever this question pops up:
I've got a coworker who told me he's a backup guitar player for Nickleback... He started out by telling me that he grew up with the lead guitarist in a small Mississippi town and when they were kids they started playing guitar together, they remained friends and played together in bands all throughout school, this friend would later move to California and play in a few moderately popular rock bands like Blind Melon and Saliva before finally getting the lead guitarist spot for Nickleback.. (And here's where it gets good), So one day he tells me his friend had broken his hand working on his car or something, a few days later he tells me that Nickleback is looking for a backup guitar player and the friend had asked him if he could "help them out" since their playing styles were similar, I asked him if he was gonna take a leave of absence from work or quit... Oh noooo, since Nickleback is such a large and popular band, they charter a private jet to fly them between gigs so when we got off work he would drive to the local (tiny) airport, board their jet and fly to wherever they were playing that evening, then they would pay him $5000 cash and fly him back to the airport and he'd be back at work at 9AM the next morning.
There's more if you're interested.
TL/DR: Coworker plays guitar for Nickleback, flies around the world every night, back at work the next day.
456due · 1 points · Posted at 13:27:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Angelo. Angelo always lied all the fucking time. Not only was he a very idiotic liar, he is also misogynistic as fuck. But that's for another day.
He told me that his father owned Star Wars. What a fucking idiot, right? He was also obsessed with it. Star Wars bags, shit, and whatnot.
Did I mention that we were 12 then?
butwhatsmyname · 1 points · Posted at 13:27:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Tom told a lot of lies. They piled up over the months that we knew him, but in the beginning his lies were quite subtle. He wasn't stupid, he was just lonely and entitled and kind of fucked up.
The thing that tipped the balance from "Huh, well Tom told me that it happened that way, maybe I just misunderstood" to "Tom is a crazy person, don't bother believing anything he says" was the bass guitar incident.
We were all about 17. Some of us realised that between us we had enough musical expertise to form a shit rock/metal band. Amazing! But wait! It turns out that we're missing a bass player! Disaster!
But as luck would have it, the guy who's new to our little clan of weirdos steps up and offers to play bass for us. He's got a sweet 5 string bass and has been playing for years! This is amazing! Thanks Tom, this is going to be great!
Yeah, it turns out that Tom could not at all play the bass. The instrument he brought along to the first practice was beautiful, pristine... maybe too pristine. It turns out that he had no idea how to play bass. Our very patient guitarist spent some time trying to teach him but he seemed uninterested in doing anything but jumping awkwardly up and down and kind of hitting the strings.
It was dreadful, and after a couple of practices it was obvious that he'd never played a guitar of any kind before. He kept up the pretense although I don't know why. It was as if he'd buried himself so deep in the lie that even as he was just mashing the strings around he was telling himself that it all sounded amazing.
He later told us that he'd been trained as a ninja in Japan and had also had some training from the CIA.
He was a tubby white dude who, as far as I could tell, had never lived outside the north of England and whose shoes smelled like he'd jammed a rotting bird in each one.
swanyMcswan · 1 points · Posted at 13:27:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This guy I used to work with was ridiculous. He claimed he was a health nut and had a degree in nutrition (yet as far as I could tell he only attended University for 1 year). He also claimed he had been a dietitian for a popular college football team.
He talked about how much he worked out and how sore he was all the time. Yet he weighed 300 lbs (I will say that based on his Facebook page he has lost weight so props to him there). One day I discussed how when I'm at the gym I like to swim laps. All the sudden he was a near pro swimmer and in high school beat Micheal Phelps (first off no evidence he ever swam and secondly Phelps was a gold winner by the time he was in high school).
He also went on and on about how smart he was and how much he knew about health care since his dad was a cardiologist. We worked in the health care feild and would make himself look like an idiot in front of nurses all the time.
And he talked about how much of a "country boy" he was but yet he was from the largest city in out state. He didn't even know what a Co op was (any small town person in the USA knows what a Co op is).
Astramancer_ · 1 points · Posted at 13:27:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Knew a dude who said he was born in international waters. But the "official birth county" (or whatever he called it) he said he was born in... is landlocked.
towa666 · 1 points · Posted at 13:28:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A girl in my year at school told everyone her dad had been diagnosed with late stage cancer and had a few weeks to live. I was pretty close with her and comforted her through it.
One day she came into class and told me that he'd died. She only told me and one of her friends, who in turn told our group of friends. She was off school and uncontactable for a couple of days so some people - perhaps inadvisedly, but we were 15 at the time - took some flowers, chocolates and a card round for her and her mum, and her dad answered the door.
The girl stayed off school for a couple of weeks, we were told never to speak of it again. She left our school soon after but I saw her when I was 19 or 20 and she asked me to go for a drink. After a catchup where we both awkwardly avoided the elephant in the room, she apologised but I didn't really see the need to talk about it too much so I just said not to worry about it and we spent a couple of hours chatting like we did before the incident. These days she and her family all seem happy and well adjusted, I guess she just had issues she needed to work out.
gamer4u · 1 points · Posted at 13:29:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know a guy named Peter and he constantly lies. Once he told that he bought a new car and it is in the service. He kept going whith that story for next two weeks. The craziest thing is that it was a very detailed story - like all the particular things what exactly they were doing with the car and why. A month later there was still no car and he told us that he needed to sell it. From that moment i started to think that he might have some mental issue.
BigIrishBalls · 1 points · Posted at 13:29:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He said he did a gram of coke. For his first time. He said it wore off in about a half hour.
kaidumo · 1 points · Posted at 13:29:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a guy in university who I think has to be a pathological liar. No matter what story you'd tell, he'd always respond that the same thing happened to him once, only even crazier.
The thing is, he was also the skinniest, scrawniest guy I'd ever met, and his stories involved things like beating up an entire football team in high school, or making out with super hot girls in elevators, things that you know just wouldn't happen in his life.
dirtytowel · 1 points · Posted at 13:30:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Remember that thing from the 90's where you shaved 3 vertical stripes into the edge of one eyebrow (think Vanilla Ice)? I worked with a guy who claimed he started that fad. Of course he didn't but if you're going to stick to an obviously fake story pick something better than that particular fad.
ValiOsu · 1 points · Posted at 13:30:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
always attempting to one up someone's situation by adding something slightly better is all I have. It's not all that annoying because I've been able to predict what he'll say next if someone talks about themselves.
Evasions · 2 points · Posted at 07:33:24 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah like if someone goes to popular Spanish holiday location Tenerife, this person will go to Elevenerife am i right
AmishElectricity49 · 1 points · Posted at 13:31:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
We had a friend that we knew lied about everything. One time as we were hanging out he went to the bathroom upstairs. As he was up there we decided to mess with him and make up a story about him and see how far he takes it. We went on a trip in Middle School to Washington D.C. which this kid did not attend for whatever reason, any way when he comes back we say to him, "Hey remember that chick you fucked on the D.C. trip?". He proceeds to tell us this 20 minute story of how he and this girl hooked up and ended up having sex in a ball pit in a McDonalds. We let him finish his story and spend the next 20 minutes laughing at him since we all knew he didn't even actually go to D.C.
Good times
redjet8o · 1 points · Posted at 13:32:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My sister in law has all kinds of stories.
Her mother (who I've met) died before my SIL was born.
Her mother died when my SIL was a teenager. My SIL's sister was so mean, she wouldn't let her go to the funeral.
Her mother (still the same mother) slipped in oil while working at KFC and they paid her $6 million to not sue. The family used the money to buy a mansion, then the father lost the rest on the stock market. The mother still works at KFC.
The family briefly lived in Canada, where they raised abandoned wolf cubs. They raised the wolves to be pack leaders when they were released back in the wild. The wolves all came back and recognised them when they returned years later on holiday.
My SIL got pregnant when she was 17. The father was rich and well known but my SIL encouraged him to walk away so as to not damage his family's reputation. She started bleeding heavily one day, caught the bus over an hour to the hospital, delivered the stillborn baby via c-section, then caught the bus back home on the same day. That night, her family all went out to dinner, leaving her at home to clean their mansion after a party. She tore all her stitches and would have bled to death on the kitchen floor if it wasn't for her neighbour, a nurse, who gave her a transfusion there and then. When her mother came home from dinner, she asked why the SIL hadn't finished cleaning.
wiiv · 1 points · Posted at 13:32:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a guy 15 or so years ago, we worked with a bunch of other guys in a retail setting. We were all "car guys". This new guy started, and one day we were talking about cars, and he mentioned that his piece of shit Eclipse had a 4G63 engine swap.
I'm not an expert on that particular engine, but I know enough to ask a few questions (not accusing questions, generally interested). He gives me answers that are obviously bullshit, but I let it go. The other guys are rolling their eyes. I suggest that we go check it out after work and he claims his hood release is broken and he needs a special tool (at home) to open it.
Another day he was telling us about how the Honda S2000 has a V6 engine. After letting him know that isn't the case, he tells us how his cousin's S2000 is a V6, maybe he got a prototype version or something. Sigh.
SeansRedditAccount1 · 1 points · Posted at 13:33:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dude I worked with once was a one-upper. We were talking about drugs or something and he told us a story about how he used to break into the mortuary and cut into people's brains to take... something... you can use a drug... don't remember what it was. Stopped caring in the middle of him talking.
ColonelKetchup13 · 1 points · Posted at 13:34:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've been waiting for something like this for so long. Let me tell you about my school's delusional valedictorian.
In middle school: her constant lie was that she was this amazing dancer but she tore her acl and mcl. She was so sad because she was determined to become professional. Naturally we all believed her except I thought it was strange how a girl with such major torn ligaments only had a foam brace and some how still danced. Generally... you need a whole hell of a lot of surgery. Became a bit suspicious since I've had plenty of run ins with injuries as a gymnast and my teammates have torn those same ligaments. Freshman year rolls around, I start dancing and lo and behold, she's definitely NOT professional bound. Whatever, she exaggerated her injury and dancing capabilities for her ego. It happens
Sophomore year: she tells us that she's going to this super secret conference that isn't supposed to exist. The only reason she's invited is because her dad used to work for NASA, some super important dude. She brags and brags but by this point everyone is used to her constant lying about boyfriends and a variety of other things, we just roll our eyes. By the end of the week we are all about to kill her because she's talked about this conference so much and how she's going to get sooooo drunk. She takes an extra long weekend and comes back being super mysterious. My teacher very sarcastically asks her about the conference. She's met this Russian spy from the KGB that could "take care" of anyone that crosses her. She's met all these spies from across the globe and heard all this talk about how the world really works. I'm sure you could've heard our eyes rolling at this point. Later she just brags to us about how drunk she got and all the guys she had sex with. Stumbling around her hotels drunk with this guy and all these important teenagers.
Our senior year, same conference but now it's this summer in Canada. Didn't hear the end of that and her Russian best friend that was Archer 2.0
Basically, she's just some delusional twat that lied about everything she did while also treating everyone like they were dirt.
imanygirl · 1 points · Posted at 13:34:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
They worked for the government and were sent to the Middle East to assassinate terrorists. The guy has never even left the country and had no idea my father was a federal agent who worked overseas so his lie(s) were so obvious and ridiculous. I totally called him out on it and he eventually admitted it, but was embarrassed.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:35:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Back in school, my friend invited a bunch of us to her place to watch some TV and just hang out. There was this girl who hung out with us because nobody wanted her around. Why? She'd lie and lie and lie so much she couldn't keep up with her lies. We didn't mind she didn't cause any harm, we'd actually laugh at her ridiculous lies. Anyways she told us that she was dating this guy, and she described him as being absolutely perfect, 10+ looks blah blah. She was on her facebook when my best friend suddenly pipes up and goes 'Hey! We want to see what your man looks like move over!' And she looks through this girl's friend list and sure enough there he is, but he looks nothing like how she described. She told us he was white, but he was very clearly a local.
My friend then bursts out laughing and the girl is just fuming. She then looks at us and goes 'You were trying to look him up? Well you can't because he isn't on facebook, this guy just happens to have the same name as him so shutup.'
cromathor · 1 points · Posted at 13:37:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The same rediculous, obviously fake story that the last liar told me.
sully-fied · 1 points · Posted at 13:37:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Guy we knew in College:
Lost his football scholarship to Oklahoma State because he broke his wrist punching out a cop.
Lost his place on the PGA Tour because he broke his wrist punching out a cop
Told us he played a flight simulator in high school and the navy told him his reflexes were “so good” that they were going to send him straight to Top gun.
Told us his dad was a U.S. Senator—Easy to check up on
Got the final out for his varsity baseball team winning the state championship (his high school didn’t have a baseball team).
WE actually heard some girls in a public park talking about this guy and all the crazy lies he told.-- the legend had apparently spread far and wide.
bountifulknitter · 1 points · Posted at 13:39:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My boyfriend and I once worked with a guy who lied about EVERYTHING. He would literally steal lines/plots of movies and claim that they actually happened to him. No shame. My personal favorite was that he had claimed to be "best friends" with Slipknot. He grew up where they did, and they used to jam "all the time." Everyone at work just ignored him and never really paid much attention to his stories.
Until one day one of our managers walks up to me, barely concealing a grin, and asks; "Hey Bountiful, did my boyfriend's name play with Slipknot the other night with Jon?"
Me; "Well, I guess its POSSIBLE that he snuck out to have an intimate concurrent with Slipknot, but the last thing I remember from him going to bed at 4:00a
I mean, its bad enough that this guy is a pathological liar, but to make up something so easily disproved?!?!?
sheepscum77 · 1 points · Posted at 13:40:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Substitute teacher back in highschool.
He was in the process of trying out for the Bucs but his car broke down on the way there. He was dating a Victorias Secret super model. He met Bin Laden in line for Space Mountain at Disney World, a few years before 911. Theres more I cant remember.
BestHalf · 1 points · Posted at 13:40:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That she starred in the tv show Torchwood but only in the special edition DVD that only she had. Oh and was also living with John Barrowman.
That and telling different people her parents were dead but different ways each time so when her mum did try to commit suicide no one believed her.
She also told someone on all seriousness that she was a werewolf.
temerityjane · 1 points · Posted at 13:40:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So I dated this guy for a while, not too long, but I took it really hard when we broke up. We remained friends after, even though it eventually became fairly clear that he'd been cheating on me, etc. I just couldn't get myself to let go. Anyway, feelings die down and over the course of the friendship, things just stop adding up, stuff that I ignored when we were together because I was just an idiot. He had all these stories, and in every single one, he was the hero. Never the idiot. And they were all the type that ended with "and everyone cracked up," or "and everyone clapped." So I caught on that he was basically full of shit, but at that point, I'd moved on, and it was harmless.
Eventually, though, I came across him telling this one set of stories, and they sounded really familiar. They were MY stories, only he'd cast himself in my role and, of course, embellished a lot of the details. I talked to him like, hey, what the fuck are you doing? And he came back with some random bullshit about how it was just easier to tell these stories like they happened to him, it would be too confusing to explain they happened to another person - whatever. Rolled my eyes, moved on. We eventually had some kind of falling out, I don't even remember the details, but I'm fairly certain that I called him out on being a lying shit and he threw a fit, responding to an email I sent him with "You have been deleted from this user's life." I laughed like a lunatic and forwarded it to everyone I knew.
Some months later, I get another email from him. It's an apology. He's sorry. He wants to make it up to me. He's realized he has a lying problem, and he wants to make amends. See, he's joined a 12 step program for liars, and he was on step 9.
DUDE LIED TO ME ABOUT BEING IN A LYING PROGRAM.
QueenPenelopeofMacon · 1 points · Posted at 13:40:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a guy who had a put on British accent that sounded like Bart Simpson doing a British accent, and he told people that he'd grown up on an oil platform in the North Sea. He was actually from a small town in rural Georgia. He also told his housemates that the next door neighbor's air conditioning was using so much power that it was draining the power supply to his PC and causing the internal clock to slow down. He also claimed to have saved a guy from a mugging by beating the attacker with the collapsible pool cue that he carried in his briefcase.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:52:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So giving a computer less juice than it needs causes the clock to slow down? That's original.
QueenPenelopeofMacon · 1 points · Posted at 15:07:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
At the time he said it, I didn't know so much about computers and believed him. Then I felt foolish.
justsamthings · 1 points · Posted at 13:41:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend dated a compulsive liar for a while. After it was over he was telling me about the breakup and at a certain point in their relationship, she started ignoring his texts and other attempts to get in to get in touch with her. At the same time, she started posting pics on Facebook with another dude as if they were together.
When my friend asked her about the other guy, she claimed that she wasn't dating him at all. Instead, she said, she was pretending to date him to make her ex/baby's father jealous. My friend, of course, thought this was ridiculous and didn't trust it, but this girl swore up and down for weeks that it was all an elaborate ruse to piss off her ex.
Unsurprisingly, that turned out to be a lie and she was indeed dating the new guy. She is a compulsive liar and would (still does) tell all kinds of little lies about weird shit but this was was just ridiculous.
Jnal1988 · 1 points · Posted at 13:42:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had a customer who came into my store all the time and felt like he was friends with the managers and staff. (He wasn't) some of the lies I remember go as follows.
Had a friend who worked at a game studio (I think he said Insomniac. Of course any big game coming out he had a friend who worked for that studio and they got him access so obviously he just bought them instore to keep us afloat) and could get me early access to test their games.
Another was before the iPhone 5 was announced and he said he had a buddy who worked for Apple and he he showed him the new upcoming iPhone and it was going to have all these new features. (wasn't even close even if he was trying to predict it.) I pointed out that we were on the east coast and there was no way Apple would let someone bring it all the way here on vacation. He said he didn't tell them he took it.
The biggest was his conviction for possessing child porn in which he said he downloaded nickleback and it was hidden in the files. That didn't come to light until he actually got hired at another store and they apparently didn't bother with a background check. He was fired for lying on his application believe it or not after they found out.
Chris_8100 · 1 points · Posted at 13:42:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So, there was this turkish guy that lied about everything and basically at one point the whole school knew it.
When we first got into school he told me and a few friends that he's a Sultan from UAE and that he has like 10 trucks, filled with pure gold in his garage.
He also told me that he owns a 220m2 flat (he was like 12 at the time and one friend of mine lives in the same street like this guy and knew how his house looked.)
When all the IS stuff became popular, he suddenly decided to no longer be from turkey, but instead from syria. I still don't know why.
Then I had not much contact with him for quite some time, because he wasn't in my class anymore. When I had to write an exam again, because I was ill, he was there too. You need to know that he got bullied at the start of the school and everyone made fun of him. Since he claimed he was from syria, he grew a beard, started to wear normal clothes and started to smoke. So, I met him there and he suddenly just tells me how many girls he got in one night. He told me about his lifestyle change and how it affected him so much. So he just stood there and told me that he had 20 girls in one night, and he was completely serious about it.
And in the last month, he told the whole class that he's engaged and how he's going to marry her (he's 17.)
While we were waiting for the tram he also told me that he got into drug selling and all that stuff and told me that he had a deal for 15000€.
But now he left the school and I guess I will somehow miss his storys :(
Jellowizard · 1 points · Posted at 13:42:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In college a there was this dude who was a well know liar, one time he told us he was fluent in Russian, and the immediately claimed he forgot ages ago when asked to speak Russian.
Tiiba · 1 points · Posted at 13:44:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew this baron once. Well, he said he's a baron, or his grampa was a baron, or something. German dude, rather old-fashioned, but a nice guy.
He loved to tell stories, particularly about hunting. There was the time he when he shot once and killed a dozen ducks, which fell to the ground roasted. The time he stuck his hand into a wolf's stomach and turned the beast inside out. The one time he killed a bear by holding its front paws until it starved. He had an endless supply.
Best of all was when he went to the Moon atop a cannonball. Not in a cannonball, like the folks Jules Verne wrote about, but on it, like a horse. I'd call his bluff at this point, but I have to admit, he can be fascinating. I was thinking of writing a book about him, but it seems someone beat me to it by just a century or two.
Simontacchi · 1 points · Posted at 13:45:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Just started a new job. 1 other guy got hired at the same time so we usually sit together at lunch. He has a story for every situation or knows someone who does. He told me this story on Thursday, which usually I just give a fake laugh and pretend I don't know it's bullshit but I couldn't event pretend this time.
"The funniest thing to do at the mall is mess with security. You just go up to them balling your eyes out and tell them, 'sir please help me I lost myself. Last time I saw me I was in front of best buy' they'll walk with you for 15 minutes until they realize what you said." He 100% expects me to believe that at 22 years old he balls his eyes out to mall security and "tricks" them into trying to find him....while walking with them. It's not even a believable lie! He could have said he tackled someone for them who was stealing or something but no. He went with "lawlz I tricked 'em"
PharoahHawk · 1 points · Posted at 13:45:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A new girl (who seemed insecure and wanting to impress us, though that's speculation on my part) said that she had run for 24 hours straight, drank 13 litres of vodka on her birthday and was a cagefighter
ScarfedVictini · 1 points · Posted at 13:45:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A friend of mine mentioned a place they made up.
She claimed to have gone there last summer on vacation.
Nobody told her.
ShroomSensei · 1 points · Posted at 13:46:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The reason he walked funny is because he had a "prosthetic leg." We had not even said anything about his legs or how he walks. I mentioned I've seen him with shorts on, but no, apparently the doctors did so well on creating his lifelike prosthetic that you cannot even tell the difference. This is coming from the same guy who said he was taken into a gang at 11 because of his moms cocaine addiction. There's no gangs in our white suburbia, and they definitely wouldn't be taken a chubby white 11 year old.
ithoughtyousaidgoat · 1 points · Posted at 13:46:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When my cousin was about 10 (He's mid twenties now and is a good lad), he used to tell elaborate lies all the time.
Two off the top of my head:
He invented the popular N64 game Wrestlemania 2000 on a Net Yaroze Playstation, and told us about a secret special move called the 'X-Pac Special', which was essentially a Bronco Buster from the top rope.
He once thought he was drowning in a lake near where we live, panicked, but then decided to embrace it and tried breathing under water. It didn't work, but he found a SCUBA diving kit, put it on, then rode a shark down to a secret civilisation where he spent the night.
entropyx1 · 1 points · Posted at 13:47:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Up until 10 years ago, while I worked and lived in a different city, many of my friends formed an informal men only club.
Mr B was introduced to us through an acquaintance, and he was quite a character.
He had graduated from one of the top colleges, went to Oxford and did his PhD. His father was a defense attorney in Nevada, and he had owned lucrative carpets, rugs and tapestries business on Fifth Avenue in NYC. He had dealt in diamonds and served as a consultant to IBM. He owned a string of mansions in various cities at most exclusive neighborhoods.
We listened, exchanged glances but kept quiets. Then one day we decided to have a reality check. We managed to locate his house and all went there.
He was just a jobless guy living in a not so well off section of the city with broken furniture, poorly clad kids in a two room structure.
So much for the Oxonian Doctorate holder who was a dealer in diamonds.
SarahMakesYouStrong · 1 points · Posted at 13:47:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I guess I'm telling this story from the liars perspective: When I was in high school I was on a billboard. I had these very specific cat eyed glasses and was wearing them in the billboard. All of my friends knew about this but then this dumb jock kid that I didn't know very well came up to me one day and told me that he thought he saw me on a billboard. I immediately saw the opportunity to deny it. I told him I had no idea what he was talking about. He was so sure it was me (it was) but I was so insistent that it wasn't me that he started questioning his own sanity. Everyone piled on that they had no idea what he was talking about. I told him a few days later that I drove by this billboard and that it looked nothing like me, then I told him that I took my parents to the billboard and they don't think it looks like me at all, and that it's just the glasses that were making him think it was me. The billboard was for a local community college and we all started getting mailers that also had my picture on it. He brought it into school to hold it up to my face and everyone pretended it looked nothing like me.
I know he never believed me but man that was so fun.
BrofessorNeeko · 1 points · Posted at 13:48:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A buddy told me that when he was 9 he was shot in the left leg by a 30.06. Topkeke m8
I_EAT_GUSHERS · 1 points · Posted at 13:48:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He said that he had four girlfriends at once and all of them were okay with it. Few problems:
This guy was your stereotypical neckbeard (28, lives with mom, spends all his money on video games)
He's gay.
fareven · 1 points · Posted at 13:49:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
She said she came under sniper fire when landing at an airport in Bosnia.
ItWasntMe201 · 1 points · Posted at 13:49:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That I will get my money back next week... Yeah six months later and it's still next week.
JaxxMehoff · 1 points · Posted at 13:50:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I am the only compulsive liar I know and believe me I have never told a ridiculous and/or fake story! Good day sir!
supercaffeinated · 1 points · Posted at 13:51:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A woman in my home town said she saw someone trying to leave a baby on the steps of the local church. I think she told this story to her professor or classmates because she was late for an important event, but it backfired - they insisted she call the police. This is the report about the event prior to it being discovered to be a huge lie, although she did stick to the story for days, adding details til the whole thing unraveled. She was a really sweet girl too, just - fucked up and got caught at it. http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/national/woman-tries-to-leave-baby-on-church-steps/article25430423/
Xgc_Indy · 1 points · Posted at 13:51:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was telling some coworkers that my brother had broken his leg in the indoor ski slope in Dubai. My brother is in the Navy and was there on leave. I had a coworker pipe up and tell everyone how awesome the indoor ski slope was when he visited it while he was over there. I had worked with this guy for years and the ski slope had just opened a year before. I called him on it. He stopped telling stories when I was around after that. My coworker was in the Marines and went everywhere in did everything in his 4 years.
Tar_Palantir · 1 points · Posted at 13:52:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A sister in law an ex of mine loved to shout out that even though she went to a private shitty college and never finished, she was invited to teach in a prestigious public college. Here in Brazil public universities are way better than private ones.
stosh110 · 1 points · Posted at 13:52:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I guy I went to college with would lie about everything. The best one, he said that the scene from the original Oceans 11, where they are all in the pool hall, was filmed in his grandfathers basement.
sm4rt4ss · 1 points · Posted at 13:52:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Unfortunately, this story has been "confirmed" by his mother (my aunt) and my cousin.
Apparently, when my cousin was around 2 years old, he was able to wake up early and fry 2 eggs for his mother. So somehow, as a 2 year old, he was able to find the correct pan, turn heat on, Crack open the eggs, and cook them perfectly and serve on a plate. I call bullshit.
We're not talking about some child prodigy here. I love him, but the guy is an idiot.
Edit: spelling
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:52:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I dated a girl who insisted that her father had hit a deer with his car at 150 km/h, the deer flew through the windscreen, landed on the passenger seat, lept out of the window and ran off.
bazoid · 1 points · Posted at 13:52:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend in elementary school who was a pathological liar. Let's call her Katie. Usually she'd just lie about stupid stuff, like telling us she'd read the latest Harry Potter book or whatever. One time, though, Katie took it a little too far. She told us that her cousins (who, she claimed, lived in our town) had been raped and murdered.
We were around 9 so none of us were actually sure what "raped" meant. We asked Katie and she said it meant that someone sliced all their skin off with a knife. We were pretty sure that wasn't right, but we were even more sure that this whole story was bullshit.
First, I asked my parents if Katie had any relatives in our town. Turns out she didn't. That gave my other friend the courage to approach Katie's dad at a soccer game. "I'm so sorry to hear Katie's cousins were raped and murdered!" The dad, of course, just looked shocked and told her that didn't happen.
Pretty sure Katie got in big trouble for that one.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:52:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
mamabear76bot · 2 points · Posted at 13:54:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm happy that your dad moved out.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 14:08:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
mamabear76bot · 2 points · Posted at 17:45:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ugh. Poor guy. At that age they should be relaxing. Good luck!
KevitoMG · 1 points · Posted at 13:52:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When I was in fifth grade I told everybody at school that the prettiest girl in my class kissed me yesterday. It was kind of impossible to be true.
coolhandhutch · 1 points · Posted at 13:53:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Worked with a guy named Brian He was a 5'8" 140# asian kid that pitched for university of Louisville. A no-hitter at nationals but had never heard of the CWS. Also was a black belt. And his girlfriend died in a car accident on the night he proposed. Oh, she was pregnant too. His mom was a OB and his was a lawyer....he couldn't decide what he wanted to do...law or medicine. .so he dropped out of school and was waiting tables with me. Oh, he tore is rotator cuff, ending his baseball career
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:54:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"I know words. I have the best words."
Losingthedream · 1 points · Posted at 13:55:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sat beside a guy in high school that every Monday would tell me he was tired because he had been in LA playing drums for bands in various night clubs and hanging with Nikki Sixx and Slash. He was in 10th grade and lived in nowhere Virginia.
Tara113 · 1 points · Posted at 13:55:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"I have a heart condition, and my doctor told me to smoke cigarettes to prevent heart attacks."
Ovrzealous · 1 points · Posted at 13:55:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My favorite "confession" she told me went like this:
"People ask me questions, and I just lie every time. And it's great, because everyone believes me!"
I blinked really hard at her for a while. Then I realized she was serious. See, she had been caught in a bunch of lies before, and no one really believed her when she told "stories;" she had a pretty bad reputation because of it. So she just lied to me... about how everyone believes her lies. Meta.
gnitsuj · 1 points · Posted at 13:56:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Fuck! I always get to these threads late. Here's from a similar thread a while back:
Oh, I win this.
I dated a girl in high school who was a pathological liar. We'll call her Loretta. She was 15 (I think) when we met, me being 16. She had a sister who I was friends with, who was my age. She was aware of my girlfriend's issues, but didn't quite know how bad it was.
Loretta used to attend a church camp a couple of years before we met (lie) where she made some great friends, we'll call them Mavis and Ofelia (lie/lie). They would always ask her to hang out, then conveniently not EVER be able to meet me in the year we dated. I'd ask constantly. Once, she called me and said "Mavis and Ofelia are here right now! They want to meet you, come over!" So, I drove the 15 minutes to her house (a convenient amount of time for 2 imaginary people to leave before I got there) and shockingly, they had left already. I texted her sister to ask if these people were really there, and she said "Not unless they've been hiding under the bed all day. Nobody has come into the house." She made up screen names (this was in the time of AOL/AIM), phone numbers, fake pictures, hand written letters, you name it.
Loretta claimed to be in a Girls Gone Wild video a few summers before we dated. They somehow never caught on to the fact that she would've been 13/14 at the time.
Loretta claimed her family owned a large villa in Italy. They didn't. Her family is VERY Irish. None of them had ever even been to Italy.
Loretta dated multiple guys in my friends group. She claimed to be pregnant with 4 of our children at once. After I broke up with her, she told all my friends I tried to push her down the stairs to get rid of the babies. They believed her and started to hate me. She also claimed a few of us raped her. She then tried to commit suicide and spent a week in the hospital and years in therapy.
Loretta claimed to have mitral valve prolapse. According to her, this would cause her to have episodes where she would stop breathing for a minute or so at a time (this I experienced several times first hand, however, these symptoms and disorder were entirely fabricated).
Loretta told my friends she swallowed a bottle of pills to try to kill herself. They rushed to her house to find her perfectly fine.
Loretta, a while after we had broken up, made out with my at-the-time girlfriend at a party in front of me. She then tried to cut her wrists at said party, then asked my A-T-T girlfriend for a ride home. She obliged. There were bloodstains on her back seats for months. Not a lie, but hammers home just how not well this girl was.
This is all I remember off the top of my head, it's been 10+ years since I've seen or spoken to this girl. I believe she owns her own massage therapy business these days, but I'm not quite sure if she still lies like she used to or ever got the help she needed.
tonkerss · 1 points · Posted at 13:56:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My old boss told me that he was Samantha Mumbas uncle. Also a whole other bunch of bullshit, but that was the high point
CarryOnLying · 1 points · Posted at 13:56:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
About a year and a half ago, a girl in my class absolutely insisted she had seen Finding Dory, even though the film hadn't actually been finished yet, let alone available to watch! Apparently she had a 'friend' in America who could get a 'before release' version of it. When we all questioned her, explaining it hadn't been finished yet, she just got more and more insistent that she had it at home on a dvd... She also claimed to have known the writer of Life of Pi and had helped write the book...
akrippler · 1 points · Posted at 13:56:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend came back from vacation with a sunburnt face, Considering were like 12 years old thats not cool enough. So he told me someone threw a flaming rag on his face in a gang retaliation.
reverendmalerik · 1 points · Posted at 13:56:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have a friend who is anorexic.
Now you may not know this, but a lot of anorexics become pathological liars. And they're good at it. They use it to hide that they aren't eating.
So yeah, long story short is that the ridiculous, obviously fake lie he told me was that he had actually put on weight since I last saw him. He looked like death.
HookPipeandThinker · 1 points · Posted at 13:56:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A couple of months back my sister brought her new boyfriend to a family gathering to introduce him to everyone. From the get-go I hated him. He spent an uncomfortable amount of time derailing conversations so he could talk about himself, and he looked a lot like a cartoon devil straight out of disney, just minus the horns. At one point he started showing everyone this photo of a Jeep Rubicon that he claims he used to own, fixed up, and sold for $60,000. The photo was of the Jeep in a fancy looking mansion, and while I tried to be nice and just responded with the usual ooo's and aaah's, I knew deep down the story was completely made up. I googled images of Jeep Rubicons later that night and wouldn't you know it, his jeep was in the top row of pictures. This kid had literally just Googled Jeep Rubicon, downloaded a picture, and tried to convince his girlfriend's family that it was his. I sent the picture to my sister and explained how I found it and he got mad at ME for not "telling him in person that I knew he was lying".
flamesoffire · 1 points · Posted at 13:56:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh, this is gonna be a fun one.
I used to work with a women, who for sake of her privacy, I will call "Jean". Jean was a pathological liar- the worst I have ever seen in my entire life. Jean would make up stories, but believe them at the same time. Her stories included, but were not limited to: Being the first person certified to do tin roofing in New York City, being the former owner of a nearby mall, being an Olympic level fencer, owning a group of Geisha girls (She's white), Spending months on glacier climbing trips in Alaska. My favorite, though, is when she accidentally repeated a story she heard as her own- to the person who told it. My boss originally told the story, it being "When I was younger, my mother and I went down to Pet-co to buy dog food. While we were there, she left me at the front, and warned me "Don't touch the birds, the dogs, the cats, the fish..." and listed off a bunch of animals. Monkey's weren't one of them. So I went up to one of the cages, and tried to touch the monkey- keep in mind I was around ten at the time- and it of course bit me. I didn't say anything about it to my mother, even when it started to hurt. I couldn't sleep that night, it was throbbing, I was crying... In the morning, my mother brought me to the doctor, and they had to kill the monkey to make sure it didn't have any diseases to transfer to me." This story went forgotten for nearly two years, until Jean and Boss were working alone with each other. "So, Boss, did you hear the story about the monkeys? Well, When I was younger, my mother and I went down to Pet-co...."
She was eventually fired because of toxic attitude; she got extremely defensive if anyone, boss included, told her to do her job differently then how it was being done, and was infamous for disobeying orders in order to do things how she wanted to. Honestly, I was amazed she lasted over 10 years at the company.
mac19thecook · 1 points · Posted at 13:57:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A friend's girlfriend is terrible at this. She's always saying crazy things or inserting herself into events that she definitely wasn't a part of. The best was when she told my friend she remembers when he lost his virginity. He would've been about 11 and the girl would've been 5/6. It was magic
BanterburyTales · 1 points · Posted at 13:57:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Kid I know said he got his dick caught in a compound bow on Christmas. He said he was sitting on the stairs after getting a compound bow, and pulled it back just to try it out. He was in just boxers and his dick popped through the whole in the front, and got caught in the wheel of the bow, and his mom had to help him. I actually had the nerve to ask his mom, and she said it never happened. I asked his brother and she said it never happened and his dad says the same thing. He claims they must have forgotten and stands by his story to this day.
Kangarou · 1 points · Posted at 13:58:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Brother always told stories that he has Dragon Ball Z powers. Not full-fledged like the show, just minor power boosts and flickers of light.
Fahqbyach · 1 points · Posted at 13:59:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
-cut off burglars arm by shutting the sliding door really quickly. Burglar ran off, kept arm. I asked to see and he said he loaned it to his stepdad -banged two chicks in shady bar bathroom. I contested. He said he had pictures. I asked to see them and he said that he destroyed them so his girlfriend wouldn't find out -got wasted, blacked out, woke up in a field with a human ear in his pocket. I asked if he had seen blue velvet and he said that David lynch was best friends with his parents. This was in 2005 -performed an untrained exorcism on his sister. I asked his sister in front of him and she didn't remember. He said that she couldn't remember because of the trauma
birthdayjesus1 · 1 points · Posted at 13:59:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
To a good liar, every story is true.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:59:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This lady who is a friend of a friend... she writes 50 shades of grey type books, that's how she makes her money. But she's also a 350 lb ex marine sniper with over 100 confirmed kills.
Are there even any women snipers in the American forces? I can't find anything in the Google.
nascentia · 1 points · Posted at 13:59:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My uncle was briefly in the Marine Corps - long enough to enlist, get the nice Marine headshot, that kind of thing. But not long enough to make it out of NY to Parris Island. He got drunk one day and was riding in the back of a pickup truck, bounced out and hit his head and got discharged.
But that's not the story he tells. No, he was a 'scout sniper' in the Marines. He trained with Randy Shughart (one of the two Delta Force snipers involved in the "Black Hawk Down" incident in Somalia in the 90s.) He has like 27 confirmed kills.
I'm from a tiny town in upstate NY, and nobody believes his bullshit, but it's been decades and the story just gets more and more unbelievable every year...purple hearts, silver stars, yada yada. I'm sure by next year he'll be taking credit for the siege on Winterfell. Thankfully, he doesn't try to use it for any kind of actual benefit other than to 'impress' the locals, but it's still obnoxious.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:59:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy in my high school was a notorious liar. First week of high school he actually claimed he witnessed Tupac getting shot... But nevermind that. This guy used to work in a 7 Eleven store and he told that one night this really hot woman came in the store. Apparantly the woman offered my classmate a 100 buck to take of his shirt. Yeah right, guy was not a looker exactly so definitely a fake and obvious story he just made up.
SubtleDancingPuffin · 1 points · Posted at 14:00:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I grew up with a compulsive liar, who we later learnt was sent to therapy by his mom to deal with his problems as they became more and more obvious.
Amongst other gems, he once claimed that he could do more than 300 push-ups in a row.
In his words: "The first 50 are really hard, but then it gets gradually easier, and after a while you can more or less go on forever"
clerksrat · 1 points · Posted at 14:01:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend has dated a girl for over a year. He convinced her he was 37 (he is really in his mid-40s). She even held his 38th birthday party last year, and all his friends just sat there kind of staring at the floor.... It's a weird situation.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 14:02:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My old (notorious) school friend told me that an American man drank so many artificial energy drinks his ejaculate turned blue from the colourings
NotVeryGoodAtStuff · 1 points · Posted at 14:03:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy told me that his friends dad googled a random Island in the Pacific and bought it to become king. He then said that this man had diplomatic immunity in our country and could commit any crime without being arrested.
I asked him if that meant he could gun down a room full of 20 people and he said, "yea, but he wouldn't"
He also told me his little brother gains 20lbs after every meal
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 14:05:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"Diplomatic immunity eh? It's just been revoked!"
Theoddestotter · 1 points · Posted at 14:04:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Friend told me he grew up with a pool that had a retractable dance floor over it. His parents were teachers.
NightwingDragon · 1 points · Posted at 14:05:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I almost had a compulsive liar ruin my life.
She was interested in me. Not only was the girl a known compulsive liar and quite unattractive to begin with....she was only 13 years old. I was 18. I wasn't going to touch that even if she was attractive and not batshit crazy.
A mutual friend of ours (who at this point believed her and wanted me strung up by my own balls) accompanied her to the police station. I was told later that the police dismissed her complaint for not being legit once she tried to tell them that the encounter only happened once. But it happened at her house....no wait, it was at my house....no, it was behind the mall....or was it in the park across the street from the police station. And it was six months ago....but she's only 4 months pregnant.
And of course, she had no answer for why the pregnancy test came back negative.
The police dismissed her complaint because she couldn't keep her story straight, but that didn't stop her from telling everybody she was 4 months pregnant with my kid for the better part of a year.
I consider myself very fortunate....the situation could have gone south for me very, very quickly if she had managed to keep even some of her story straight. I also consider myself lucky that she actually wasn't pregnant with someone else's kid; there was no DNA testing at the time and it would have been much easier for her to have pinned the kid on me.
I'm just glad that she had to have been the worst liar on the planet.
UniTe_CSGO · 1 points · Posted at 14:05:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He told me his Dad was the body guard of the strongest man in the world, he also told me the strongest man in the world pulled planes at airports for a living.
He told me his Dad was in the war and he saw a girl washing a car, this was in the middle of a massive war with people shooting across the street and apparently there was just a girl washing a car.
At the time he was 9 and so was I but still.
lunchesandbentos · 1 points · Posted at 14:05:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've known two. The first, you could just tell, the second was really good at it until you confirmed it with her family.
Said she had Crohn's and was on methotextrate, which is like chemotherapy and it's fatal to embryos so she also can't have kids because of that. Then when she got pregnant she said how miraculous it was that she stopped taking it a month before she got pregnant. So then her mother comes around and we asked how she was managing her Crohn's (since it's a pretty horrible disease) and her mom was confused--she had mild IBS. Made sense--she ate what she wanted and drank alcohol like no tomorrow. If she had Crohn's, that wouldn't have agreed with her.
Anyway, certifiably coocoo. She also said her dad was sexually abused. She sort of implied he was the one who sexually assaulted her but she still brings her kid around him (if it was me, I'd never see him ever again much less bring my kid around him.)
She pretty much hated all women who were soft and feminine and would talk crap behind their backs, so she was not popular with our female members. But for some reason she always made herself a victim with the male members who were very sympathetic to her until all of her inconsistencies came out and then they were like, this chick is nuts.
IncognitoBadass · 1 points · Posted at 14:06:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a girl way back in primary school who was constantly lying about things. We were very young and the lies were mostly harmless.
She tried to make me believe her dad was going to build a clubhouse for her on the playground and that the hoses that came out of the ground were going to be the plumbing for the toilet the clubhouse would have. In reality those hoses were for getting air into the ground to stimulate the vegetation growth.
She told me she was going to have a picnic at the picnic table in the playground and that there was gonna be cake. The cake as well as the picnic was a lie, I was disappointed.
She once said she could see me and my family shower with binoculars from her home even though their home had no line of sight on our home. Obvious lie, but still, creepy af.
The weird part about her lies was that she would never ever admit that she had lied even when confronted with facts directly to her face. I was in her room once, told her that it was physically impossible to see our home let alone our shower and she still held on. Was at the picnic table with no picnic or cake and she kept saying it was going to be delivered. It never arrived. I've never spoken to her again and I wonder if this has become a character trait of hers or that it was just a 8-12yo phase.
sloppies · 1 points · Posted at 14:06:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Brother claims he's got people scouting him to play for the Yankees, dad claims this is also true. Both are bullshitting. My brother is an amazing pitcher, but he's also a liar. My father is too - he used to tell me when I was little that he formerly played for our local CFL team.
sukikano · 1 points · Posted at 14:06:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This fat lifeguard (fat for our standards) is always gloating. He told us all he could run a mile in 5 minutes. Haaaa, no.
OmnipotentMidget · 1 points · Posted at 14:06:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was house sharing with someone at University for about 2 and a half years. He lied a lot, and quite obviously at that. He once told us (me and our other house-mates) that he failed his practical driving test because he hit a deer (he hadn't even done his theory at this point).
The most ridiculous lie he pulled was that he claimed to have "blown his mates leg off with a landmine" when he was in the cadets. He also claimed to have blown up this person's shed at their request because "it was filled with porn and he didn't want his parents to find out".
We don't talk to him much now.
hellojocelyn · 1 points · Posted at 14:06:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My ex boyfriend lied to me about attending the same school i was going to. I was enrolled at CSUF. He was at SAC and told me he transferred to CSUF and would be going part time for an online class. Oddly, he bought a book to continue the lie. I found out during finals, because he didn't have a final. We broke up. He blamed it on me, saying i 'pressured' him into higher education.
_druids · 1 points · Posted at 14:06:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
-that he was an army ranger ("his" dog tags didn't have his name on them; nor did his beret fit his head any more...dude was stick skinny and it was still too small) -as a ranger he was a sniper God -as a sniper God he was found out on some mission in Iraq...that turned into a Bourne-esque chase scene over roof tops...that ended with him finding a crate of katanas...that he murdered the shit out of his pursuers with -was stabbed all the way through the forearm with a dagger, while rangering, killed the guy and miraculously had no hint of a scar -he was a black belt in kung fu. He trained at a temple in shao-lin...and had learned to walk through walls as a result -whenever we would call him out on his shit for not paying rent/utilities (he wasn't in school, and somehow had a hard time coming up with $250 in rent), he would remind us that because he was honorably discharged from the army that he got "one get out of jail free card" if he murdered someone
phiphika · 1 points · Posted at 14:06:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A classmate claimed his father designed the PT Cruiser when it first came out. I didn't believe him for a second because his family was poor as shit. And because even his father didn't have that bad of taste.
MrJACCthree · 1 points · Posted at 14:08:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Guy from high school claimed to be drafted by the Navy SEALs during our senior year. Came up to Sonic we chilled at with this huge knife and said they issued it to him as him main weapon. People were like "what the fuck....?" Then our buddy, who is a manager at the local Dick's, came when his shift ended and said he had just sold that to him.
This guy also claimed he was making $150,000 in Hawaii training SEALs and owned a restaurant in San Diego that none of us were allowed to come to because we weren't badass enough.
After the Haiti earthquake happened in 2010 our running joke was that it was actually the United States testing a super human Halo suit and it was the guy landing on the ground. But now the running joke is just mentioning his name.
MayonnaiseChugging · 1 points · Posted at 14:08:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew this kid in middle school, stopped talking to him in a while, and stayed up conversations a few times in high school.
First off, this guy would always tell me how rich he was. This isn't so bad, but he and I both lives in the ghetto part of our city, so we knew that was a little suspicious. He then told me that in middle school he worked for Google by helping them post ads. He then told me that he had a brazzers subscription, keep in mind this is middle school, and had eight monitors to watch his porn on. Now, all of those are highly improbable, but the icing on the cake is this. He told me that he had this medical condition that made him in insufferable pain in which he had to get plenty of injections every weekend. He said that the doctors told him that his condition is super rare and has a 1 in TEN BILLION chance of happening.
andimacg · 1 points · Posted at 14:09:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Guy told me he lost his wedding ring fishing in the ocean. Went fishing again 2 weeks later and brought his catch home. Then, while his wife gutting the fish, she found the wedding ring inside.
Gred-and-Forge · 1 points · Posted at 14:11:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Told me all these stories about how his dad was a secret operative working on covert global missions.
If you want to know what kind of stories he told, go play the whole Metal Gear series. I played it about a year after meeting this guy and realized where he was getting it all from.
The idiot is in jail now for counterfeiting and fraud because he kept screwing people out of money, selling fake shit, and simply taking money from people and disappearing.
Birdwatchingyou · 1 points · Posted at 14:11:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"I couldn't do my homework. My mom wouldn't let me do it."
"I couldn't finish my project because my 5 year-old brother keeps picking on me."
He also had a new story for why he was in the bathroom for an entire period.
kookaburralaughs · 1 points · Posted at 14:12:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I vaguely know this guy through friends. He told me he had a brain tumour and had months to live. He didn't.
I saw him some years later. He told me he was building a wonderful knew arts venue in the city. He wasn't.
He's been engaged numerous times.
What a douche.
IAmSentient6 · 1 points · Posted at 14:13:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A neighbor I used to have claimed that a girl she used to live with was drinking away her half of the rent (about $500).
Then it's discovered that for about 8 months straight, she wasn't paying her entire rent at her current apartment (about $950). She claims her boyfriend is stealing the money order and drinking the money away.
That sure is an awful thing to consistently happen to her..
TheMightyIrishman · 1 points · Posted at 14:14:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He said he was an army sniper. His vision was terrible, idk what prescription his glasses were but he wore some thick ones. He lied about other shit, but I paid it no mind. He didn't talk shit about me behind my back so I wasn't worried. When he tried hitting on my gf, that's when I stopped talking to him.
Christian_Kong · 1 points · Posted at 14:14:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I did a lot of driving with a compulsive liar while training for a job. To preface this, he looks a lot like the pro wrestler The Big Boss Man. He said at a live event he attended near the front row. They were holding a "Rumble" match, a 30 competitor pro wrestling match where 2 men start in the ring and every 2 minutes another one joins the match with the goal of eliminating every other wrestler until the last one is standing. He told me the Big Boss Man's music hit, and the real life performer missed his cue so the agents/bookers in the back see him in the crowd and run out to give him shit for fooling around in the crowd and missing his match. That would be the tallest tale I have heard him tell.
musichatesyouall · 1 points · Posted at 14:14:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend told me this one in High School. His dad is a cop.
"So back in the 70's when weed was legal, my dad used to go around confiscating it and then they would just smoke it in the cruisers and back at the station and take some home because it wasn't illegal yet".
Our obvious question was: Why the fuck were the cops confiscating weed if it was legal?
closest · 1 points · Posted at 14:14:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm sure I've met a lot of compulsive liars but one stands out:
She was a morbidly obese girl in high school who claimed she was working for the government and was a hacker. Apparently she detonated a bomb in our town through the computer in her trailer that was set up by Osama Bin Laden. She also said she was on some sort of assignment where she had to use the school computers to not be backtracked, all she did was print out an IMDB page for an actor from "The Longest Yard" movie and said she got all his information. Also, she claimed to be dating a guy in the military but that it was long distance. She went as far as to print out pictures of some random guy and buy herself an assortment of knock off/cheap rings because he "proposed to her." Oh, and she had a relative that worked for Wal-Mart that said the company would donate money to a club if they elected her as an officer.
The chick was pretty creepy, but I think that was all because she had some issues at home and an overall lonely person. She had other lies too, like saying certain people were her friends, and that she met famous people when in reality none of it added up.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 14:15:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My middle school classmate told me she is a singer in a band and that their firs album will be soon sold in the most popular music shop in our country. She told me it would be out next Monday, which was absurd, because all I needed to do to proove her wrong was to wait. Anyways, please remember, that compulsive liars have a big problem and they need HELP. This girl ended up on a psych ward for a month and it took way to long to get her help, because everybody were just shrugging it off.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 14:15:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In 5th grade my classmate started telling everyone how the night before, his dad had beaten him senseless using tools such as knives and brass knuckles and tied him to the railroad tracks and left him there for the night.
StrikeAnywherePanda · 1 points · Posted at 14:15:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was in a shitty regge/ska band a long time ago. We named ourselves after a major road that acted as the boarder to our town.
Our one friend told us he climbed on his van and stole the street sign. So our singer/guitarist asked him for it. He was being super pushy about it, acting like the lying police or something. It got to the point where our lying friend just never came around anymore. Sure, we rolled our eyes around a lot, but the dude was alright.
I haven't heard from him since.
DaBadgerState · 1 points · Posted at 14:17:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a roommate in college who lied about everything, I have a ton of stories about it. But the most outrageous one...
He was feeling a bit under the weather so he went to the hospital, turns out one of his lungs was half collapsed! Of course doctors didn't hold him overnight or anything they were just going to schedule surgery at a later date. After he was released from the hospital he went to a rodeo in town and proceeded to win their circle of death competition ( everyone stands in a circle with a bull and last person to run out the circle wins). The surgery was never scheduled and he apparently was fine.
samme79 · 1 points · Posted at 14:17:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One guy at my school tried to impress us so hard that he said he was gonna bring weed to school. The day after he brought some dry leaves that looked nothing like weed. I even smelled it and it smelled like you use it in cooking. Anyway, we didn't expose him for the shit he did but he always tries to impress people with bs
BluberryCorndog · 1 points · Posted at 14:18:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I am a compulsive liar and I once convinced my friends that Russian's were kidnapping and killing gingers (note: i am a ginger) and using our hair to make special and expensive rugs
Insi6nia · 1 points · Posted at 14:18:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There's a guy at work who tells stories like this all the time. Some of the better ones are:
His friend has a pet alligator that he takes for walks on a leash and plays like a dog.
He has a baseball card at home worth over $100k, but he doesn't remember who is on the card and won't do anything to prove it's existence.
He also always seems to be related to someone relevant to any story you are telling. You tell a story about getting pulled over, he knows a cop from there. You eat out at a restaurant, his dad is friends with the owner. It's like this for literally everything.
He's also the guy at work who runs to management to snitch about every little thing that people do, so nobody at work can stand this guy.
SlutRapunzel · 1 points · Posted at 14:18:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend, M and I, often played video games at her house or mine. Our parents would get us Pizza Hut pizza, which went really well with Mario party.
Anyway, we made this friend K, and he would often wander people's houses (this made my mom nervous) and frequently lied. One day M's mom laid out a 20 on the counter while we were there for us to get pizza, and she left. The 20 disappeared. M obviously didn't take it and I know I didn't. The 20 was nowhere to be found. We tried to convince K to just admit it was him but he didn't.
We didn't get free pizza after that. To this day I think about it and get annoyed, and it was 10 years ago. I'm still friends with K and he's much more well-rounded and a funny guy, and I have a solid friendship with him. But when he was a teen, his parents were divorced and his mom didn't have a lot of money. Can't blame the kid, I guess.
kirklandStyle · 1 points · Posted at 14:18:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy I worked with called in 'sick' saying he had to have emergency brain surgery. He showed the next day with a bandaid on the back of his neck.
bambam_delfuturo · 1 points · Posted at 14:19:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When I was about 15 there was a girl in my class at school named A, she had this scar through her eyebrow and she told everyone she was surfing and the board flicked up and cut her. She had 3 photos on her school diary, 2 girls and 1 boy all the same age in the photos. She tried to convince everyone that it was her and her triplet brother and sister. I thought the two girls looked way to alike. A and her sister were heaps far apart in age so she had a niece who was the same age as us. The next year her niece came to our school as well. She informed us that A had never surfed before and that the scar was from her brother throwing a block of cheese at her and that the triplets on the front of the book were two photos of A and one of A's nephews.
It was so random.
tomorrowgirl · 1 points · Posted at 14:19:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
An ex coworker of mine, K. K was a nice girl but it quickly became apparent that every word out of her mouth was a total lie. This included lying about being married, building and then moving into a house she owned, studying veterinary science, etc.
K was obese. For MONTHS she lied about going to get some sort of lap band-esque surgery in May. She took time off work, talked about booking flights (she was getting it done in another city) and for two weeks leading up to the appointment she claimed to be eating only liquids. On multiple occasions during this time she was caught out eating, but we didn't bother to confront her about it. She told us that it was a keyhole surgery and there would be no scarring or downtime. The day after the surgery we called to ask how it went. Well, she said.
When it came time for K to come back to work she told us she was in too much pain. As the acting supervisor I texted her to let us know how much longer she could foresee needing off, urging her to be realistic as we'd need to find a replacement for those days. I got back some bitchy response about 'not being able to stand let alone walk' and 'thanks for your concern'.
Then we received a one line email stating her intention to resign as of the week prior.
We found out through her best friend that there was, indeed, no surgery. Instead, K commenced work at another salon during her time off.
Notorious_Dave · 1 points · Posted at 14:19:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This 18 year old kid developed Parkinson's within like a month time and "needs" a cane at church service. But I see him walking around like nothing happened at the grocery store the next day.
SirKainey · 1 points · Posted at 14:19:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Heard about this one guy from my work colleague. Guy wasn't all there apparently.
Anyways. He 'owned' a helicopter. Which everyone in the factory knew about.
So, one day he comes to work and mentions how last night, he had flown to Switzerland in his helicopter from the UK and bought everyone in the factory a Tolberone and then started handing out Tolberones.
Least he committed to it.
Tswaggydaddy · 1 points · Posted at 14:20:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This guy I used to know, Paul. Paul told me he slept with over 60 girls by the time he was 22. Paul is very obese, so I found that to be unlikely. Paul also told me once he graduated college, he made prosthetic limbs making over $90,000 annually.
Turns out, Paul was a virgin and Paul worked in a nursing home transporting patients.
Don't trust anyone named Paul.
crackfox21 · 1 points · Posted at 14:20:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy I lived with in first year at uni told us, amongst other things, that he was "the third best boxer in London" and was the "best player in Fulham's academy" til he broke his leg. His best one though was a story about how his friend shot a police car with a shotgun once and all the officer did was get out ask him whether he had a license for his gun...
rspear5 · 1 points · Posted at 14:21:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Before I met this guy, I had never met or at least recognized a compulsive liar before. Nor have I ever had such an extreme displeasure (to the extent that I hate him) of meeting someone. This guy, this kid I should say went to LSU and was in the ROTC program. He had received the national scholarship from the army (most likely because of his father who was a captain in the army), Which happened to be the grandfathered scholarship in 2010. This means he got full room and board, on top of school and books being completely paid for. So some of his stories:
he went to amsterdam and bought a pound of weed, which he finished in less than a week, and met two beutiful women and had an all night pleasure excursion. This kid can't pick up a girl to save his life
he had sex with some beauty pageant queen, some competition that was important for beauty, can remember the specific bs
he skipped PT one morning due to a "severe injury to his hand" when the staff sergeant had him show up right after to inspect the injury, the kid shows up with his hand wrapped with enough bandage to look like a cast. He then gets told to take off the bandage and the injury was like a cat scratch.
*he like to tell stories on facebook to this day. for example(with paraphrasing): "there's nothing like low crawling through the snow for an hour and then camping in the freezing rain and snow for that perfect shot, with my ghillie suit..." this can go on for a few paragraphs to pages.
The story that made me fed up with him and just lose all hope was told one early morning on the LSU parade ground... everyone was standing in formation and 2 seniors were arguing who would win in a fight some body builder or bruce lee(everybody said bruce lee, except for the muscle head senior who brought up the bodybuilder), and somehow Rambo comes up. The Silvester Stalone RAMBO! and this is when the kid opens his mouth and says, "you know that movie Rambo is based off of my uncle"... take a minute to let that sink in...then he follows it with, " I even have the knife to prove it". now I may not be the biggest fan of Rambo, but I really enjoyed the original trilogy and did watch a little bit of the making of first blood that followed one of the VHS versions, So I could recall a few tidbits, for example where the name Rambo came from. So I proceeded to call this kid out on this lie, because I just couldn't stand to see the awesome fictional movie Rambo be tarnished by this trash. And it went as you would expect with a compulsive liar, still insisting on his lies and making more, bigger, newer lies, each less believable than the last.
I gave this guy chances to get better for over a year, everybody in the same class year as him did. And you know normally people have some redeeming qualities to themselves that can help us forgive their inadequacies. So maybe he could have been a strong and tough dude...nope, struggled to pass every PT test, even the end of semester ones when we've been training 5 days a week for 3 months. Bear in mind that this guy wasn't super fat, so it's not like his weight was slowing him down or failing that part. He struggled on the three events of running, pushups, and sit-ups. So barring being significantly obese, with 3 months of training this kid had no excuse to fail. So maybe this kid isn't strong and doesn't have the best character, but maybe he's book smart and does well in school...we heard he had 1.7 GPA his first semester, and other than ROTC he has no extra curricular activities, no fraternities or anything to keep him too busy or incapacitated to get good grades.
needless to say after the Rambo story, I gave up on this kid. I could not think of a way to salvage him when he did nothing to fix himself. he has a neckbeard now, lost his full scholarship that he didn't deserve, either lives with his parents or in a house his parents pay for. Has not graduated as far as I know. I just can't stand him. Some of my friends stay FB friends with him just to hear and share the hilarious BS that comes out of his mouth.
RLCGooner · 1 points · Posted at 14:21:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I graduated with a guy who enlisted in the Air Force after high school and was in the IT field. He said when he was deployed, he had Bin Laden in his sights but was ordered not to shoot.
I mean seriously...he was Air Force IT/Comms. I doubt the most wanted terrorist (at the time) was hanging out in his server room.
We always knew him to be a liar/one-upper, but the Bin Laden story was probably the most outrageous.
john_donnie · 1 points · Posted at 14:22:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I hope I'm not too late because this thread was meant for me.
Kevin is a 23 year old guy in my unit and I don't think he's ever told any of us a single truth about his personal life. Kevin claims to have inherited 24 million dollars from a decreased uncle in Dubai and lives a lavish lifestyle. But does not have a single picture to prove any of this (not even a picture of an expensive meal, moderately expensive item, etc).
He will constantly talk about how his uncle is a retired admiral general (2nd highest rank in the army) and is now the chief of defense. He tells us how his sister drives a Ferrari and lives in a 8 bed room house but his frugal parents live in housing subsidized by the government.
He also had a relatively low GPA and only finished A levels at the age of 22 yet claims that he was accepted in to Harvard (or Oxford, I forget).
There are a lot of other lies but honestly we've all stopped keeping track of it, I'm not sure why he does it but at this point we just kind of let him be and occasionally tease him about it hinting we know it's a lie.
lopes23 · 1 points · Posted at 14:23:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have a friend who claims he has horses in Spain, a five star restaurant in Chicago but couldn't afford a five dollar buffet pass at cicis pizza. The best lie he said once was he knew how to hack the school computer system and could do irreversible damage to the network. The school would pay him not to hack the network. I can't make that shit up lol
vSamster · 1 points · Posted at 14:23:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Back when I was in first grade I had a crush on this girl in my class so I thought it was a good idea to try and convince her I had a real life pokemon at home. She actually believed me for a long time.
curiouscookie · 1 points · Posted at 14:24:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
She told me that an ex poured acid on her face when she tried to break up with him. Her skin was immaculate save for a rogue pimple or two, but who didn't get those in high school? I guess everyone knew she was a compulsive liar except me and I was a naïve 14-year-old. I asked her why she didn't have any scars and she said that she had "extensive plastic surgery" and that if I "look close you can see it." So I leaned in real close, even squinted my eyes, searching for her phantom acid scars.
"Nope. I don't see 'em."
Her friends laughed at her a lot and she looked really embarrassed. She had a lot of issues and lied all the time, it just took this extreme one to make me realize that she was a liar. But maybe that's why an 18 year old was hanging out with me, because I was easy to convince.
crashdontfall_ · 1 points · Posted at 14:24:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Girl in high school:
Stabbed twice in the same spot
Pushed down the stairs and then stabbed
shortlemon · 1 points · Posted at 14:24:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When she was 12, a friend of mine claimed she had a record deal with one of those big record labels (RCA maybe? Idk, something w/ a lot of radio artists on it) and brought in a burned copy of a Carrie Underwood CD with some of her non-radio songs on it as her "demo". She even claimed her crush at the time (a boy who was obviously in love with her even though they never talked at school...a boy that I actually initially had a crush on but she got so obsessed with him that eventually just seeing his face annoyed me...and we weren't even close!!)...anyway, her crush at the time was in jazz band at school (MIDDLE SCHOOL), and apparently he'd been signed too because she saw him there before. It was their secret.
She freaked out when I casually mentioned that my mom "really liked that new Carrie Underwood CD!" (I was and am still the most pathetic conflict-avoidant potato), so she told me that she actually WROTE those demo songs for Carrie and that's why they're on her CD. If I noticed anything was familiar, of course.
I think about her from time to time and sometimes I really do hope she's okay.
jctoastpig · 1 points · Posted at 14:24:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he was banging a different girl every week at college, and had therefore boinked 52 girls as a freshman. We pointed out that college doesn't go year round, so in order to reach that number he'd have to average more than one per week. He insisted 52 was the correct number because of all the threesomes, and what he had meant was he got laid every week.
This guy also claimed that he lost his virginity at age 12 to a milf when on a family vacation to cancun.
aerospacemonkey · 1 points · Posted at 14:26:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He took an engine from a Mazda RX-7 and put it into a Honda Prelude so that he could win street races against Porsches. This was during the Fast and Furious craze.
Bjables · 1 points · Posted at 14:26:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Steve.
My brother and he were at a party and my brother went to use the bathroom. apparently there were a bunch of guys just hangin out in there, since it was a college bathroom so there were stalls and stuff. smokin, chillin, whatever. my bro shoots the shit with them for a second, then one of them closes the door and they all turn to him and say something along the lines of, "alright give us everything you got. phone, wallet, lets go." my brother stands his ground and says something like, "fuck yourself. take it from me." they immediately back down and tell him it was a joke. they'd been doing it to everyone who walked in just to see how they would react. APPARENTLY, my brother was the only one to stand up to them.
later that same party, the same thing happens to steve when he uses the pisser. he tells my brother immediately after the fact that he just gave them his phone no question, with the idea that "i'll just get the police to track it later." alright, fair enough.
then over the next few days my brother witnessed steve tell that story over and over and the story ended up with steve putting his keys between his fingers and punching one of them.
he's got a million, but thats the one that sticks out right now.
HazardTheFox · 1 points · Posted at 14:32:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
wait, which one is the liar? Your brother or Steve?
Bjables · 1 points · Posted at 14:42:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
you know, i thought about that as i was typing. steve is DEFINITELY the liar here, but my bro could've been stretching the truth. he doesn't usually though, and since he was just telling me at the time, i don't think he really had a reason to lie about it.
chrisisthefattest · 1 points · Posted at 14:26:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I waited tables at a Denny's in Arkansas and there was a guy who claimed to be a Yakuza assassin on the run. He was white, of course, and had about a dozen stories or reasons how he got to be an assassin for them. One of them was his parents were killed by a Chinese organ harvesting ring because they were both surgeons and refused to work for them. He hunted the killers down and tortured them for weeks before killing them. The Yakuza was so impressed, they had to hire him right? About 5 months after I heard that story for the first time came mother's day and the deadly killer brought his mom and dad to eat at the restaurant. The next week a co worker called him out on the flaw in his story and he claimed they were clones given to him by some government as payment for work.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 14:26:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
We had a tech named dave come into our shop from circuit city. He didn't tell us that he was from circuit city though our supervisor that hired him told us that. He told us he used to be in blackops as a tech specialist. He claimed to have been with a pmc that would extradite people who were convicted of crimes that fled the country. Besides this one lie he couldn't let go he was a really cool guy, funny, with a good work ethic so we just tolerated it. One day though we went to this guys office for a ticket and there was all kinds of pictures of him with actual mercenaries and stuff. His office was full of pictures of him with various high profile politicians. Apparently he specialized in oil rigs and was some sort of conflict consultant. Dave just couldn't help it and kept talking about his pmc days until finally the guy just says "What PMC were you with I'm not familiar with one that does what your talking about". Then dave said " They won't acknowledge my existance if I talk about it". The guy just bursts out laughing. Dave was crushed by this and I didn't even bring it up he was so upset. It was kinda like telling steve the pirate he's not a pirate. I felt pretty bad for him honestly.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 14:26:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"Consoles have more exclusives. The human eye can only see 30 FPS. Consoles are better."
-MPG13- · 1 points · Posted at 14:27:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm way late but I'm going to share anyways.
Back when I was four, I met this kid. We met in preschool or something, and we're actually still friends. Sorta. He has always been seeking approval through lies. Like some of them were unbelievably stupid. Just a couple he's told me:
His dad melted down solid gold in their garage, proceeded to fill spray paint bottles with it, and painted their car solid gold.
He has not one, but two uncles who have both been struck by lightning several times. They're both still alive.
He has personal access to the Air Force's jets.
And god there were so many more. I have trouble recalling them, but looking back, they're hilarious.
speedytulls · 1 points · Posted at 14:28:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had a friend of an ex girlfriend tell me her dad "owned the air force" when I was joining. He never hooked me up :(
BW_Bird · 1 points · Posted at 14:30:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've told this story before but I love telling it.
In the far off year of 2001 I knew a kid in highschool that swore up and down that he makes fully animated movies. Not flash videos (which was still very new at the time) but taditional hand drawn animations.
It became very obvious very quickly that he was blowing smoke but I went along with it because it was amusing, at least at first. After a few months I was getting annoyed about him talking about these amazing projects he's working on but totally can't show me because all the film is at someone else's house.
One day we're sitting in class and he slides over a piece of paper with what I'd imagine he'd consider a "cool" drawing of a woman in a trench coat wielding a katana. He told me that this was the main character from his new movie and what he's showing me is a professional illustration despite the drawing was made with the skill level of an 11 year old.
I must have eaten an extra helping of snark for breakfast because without thinking I said "no it's not" as soon as he told me.
He looked at me with shock and hurt but soon his face turned into annoyance and he shot back "Well this illustration won me an Emmy!"
At this point, I'd like to talk to you about about something i call "Arcade Syndrome".
You know in those old arcade games where if you hit the high score you reset back to zero? Well Arcade Syndrome is just that. Your brain hears something so dumb your brain resets and you believe it for a short time.
For a few seconds I honestly believed that this kids shitty drawing won a god damn Emmy and I called into question everything he ever said to me.
Once my brain had finally sorted itself out I called him on his bullshit and he muttered back about how he technically didn't win an Emmy.
large_sized_rooster · 1 points · Posted at 14:30:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had a friend take a girl home one night. She claimed she was the cousin of the girl who married the prince a few years back. The best one was that her dad was in ac/dc
brainiac3397 · 1 points · Posted at 14:31:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have a friend who, throughout high school since his first day, seems to have a father who does a multitude of jobs. Supposedly his father was the man who founded Apple but from behind the scenes while Steve Jobs was just the face of the company. Then his father happened to own all the gas stations in NYC(followed by a few weeks later him stating that he actually meant Manhattan only). Oh and his father also happened to own the houses around the school(but it was with partners so his name wouldn't appear). To this day, I still don't know what job his father does because he has a different answer every week(though whatever it is, it makes decent money. They're quite comfortably on the higher level of the middle class)
He was relatively smart but its like he couldn't socialize without lying, ever. We just nod our heads and ignore it since he's still fun to hang out with and the stories are amusing when everybody is high(I don't do drugs but odds are I'll get some degree of a contact high).
ThePatridiot · 1 points · Posted at 14:33:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he got into an accident with a car while riding his motocross. In his story he got flung 100meters into a forrest and landed without a scratch. He ended up beeing addicted to some hard drugs eventually so his compulsive lying propably came in handy at some point. :/
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 14:34:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Late to the party here, but there was a guy at uni who said he was on a trip to the pyramids, when his bus got stopped by terrorists. He stood up, and took the AK 47s off the terrorists, before shooting them dead. Apart from the terrorists, and an old couple, the whole bus survived and he is seen as a hero in Egypt, which is why he doesn't go back as he doesn't like the attention...
Dirty_Virgin_Weaboo · 1 points · Posted at 14:35:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I once had this friends who thanks god decided to hate because I never let him abuse his ex-GF again. He would always talk about how he somehow managed to fuck this gorgeous super model, had no photos and lost her number (who in their mind fucks a super model and takes no photos prior or doesn't even bother with saving her number?). We named him Britney Spears, because when he had a mental breakdown he shaved his head to get some attention back. He would tell us stories about how random people would ask him to model for them (He physically looked like Fido, the guy from 7up, so he was far from being attractive). Briteny was crazy, he once told a story about how he fainted for 7 whole hours, but his life was saved because a cleaning lady somehow heard he was unconscious and together with a beautiful medical student treated him by draining his bruises? The university we were at had no medical course. He had a bunch of really sad stories, but he was really dangerous and violent when things didn't get the way he wanted. He once went to his ex room and tried to get in with force saying that he loved her. We were inside the room and we hide to see how far he would push, but he got more and more agitated until we had to get out of our hiding, he then looked at us for some seconds and I don't know why (because we had heard the WHOLE conversation) decided to yell at his ex "STOP BEGGING ME! STOP SAYING YOU LOVE ME!" and then left. She thanked us for not letting her go back to him. He is really crazy and dangerous.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 14:35:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Martin O'Malley will win the 16 election
MetalLava · 1 points · Posted at 14:36:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not really an answer to the question but a personal experience. I throw randomly absurd lies into conversation just to see people trip up for a second. Like "yadda yadda olypmic gold...." "oh, I won the olypmic gold back in '76" in a totally deadpan voice. It amused me. Idk.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 14:36:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He had "what you do in life echoes in eternity" tattooed on his forearm. He claimed it was an old family quote and that he had never heard of the movie gladiator. This was just one of many lies
cartmancakes · 1 points · Posted at 14:38:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
During her divorce, my MIL told me that they only had sex 5 times in their marriage. However, she has 2 daughters, and also used to talk about the 4 miscarriages she had. So... even if she tried to tell me that she gets pregnant every time.
BillORiley_Cyrus · 1 points · Posted at 14:38:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
We had a kid in high school who was the best at shit like this. Me and my buddies encourage him all the time just to hear some of his tales.
He went hunting with his special forces uncle who threw a knife at a Deer.
Another time same uncle jumped from a tree stand, ran up to a 30 point bu.ck and snapped his neck
Another time he went skydiving with a Ferrari out of a cargo plane.
I can't think of more right now but I can call a buddy of mine to see what he remembers if you guys want
reallyraycharles · 1 points · Posted at 14:38:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A girl I knew in high school was known to be a compulsive liar. One week she turned up to school with invitations to a "going-away party". Going away to where, you ask? A mental institution. She claimed her parents beat her and we're sending her away. Yes she had the party, and got super drunk. She showed up to school the next week and said her parents "changed their minds".
SaraGoesQuack · 1 points · Posted at 14:39:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I worked with a pathological liar once. He insisted that he had his own comedy special on HBO, and once said that he was actually a trained brain surgeon and just worked in a pizza place because he enjoyed it more. Those are just a couple of his gems, for real.
rogueofgotham · 1 points · Posted at 14:40:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend in high school who was very entertaining, but he also lied all the time. Some of his lies were small like he told me he was color blind and that he couldn't see green or red. I honestly believed him until I was talking about someone and he commented on how red their shirt was.
Anyway I ran into him a couple of months ago and I asked him what he was doing now a days. He looked at me very seriously and said that he couldn't talk about work. I laughed thinking he was kidding but he was very serious. After a bit of coaxing he told me he was a gun for hire outside of the U.S and that he had to go by code names and always had to be on watch for enemies even in the states. We live in a small Texan town so I have no clue why he would still even be living there if he was traveling the world being a hired gun.
Only_Validates_Names · 1 points · Posted at 14:40:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Incoming wall of text:
I know this guy named Nate and he was nothing short of a pathological liar. It's like this guy gets his rocks off on telling lies.
He tells all sorts of bullshit lies like how his dad is in guantanamo bay probably being waterboarded right now, lies like when he was 8 his mom strapped him to the roof of her SUV instead of the christmas tree because his mom is evil and loved the christmas tree more, just obvious bullshit you know isn't true but he tries to pass off anyway.
Well, one of the weirdest lies starts innocently enough. It was like a cascading lie, where it started with something plausible but ended with something so impossible, you'd think he didn't just not take his medicine, but took 6x the required dose and had a spiritual trip.
He was in my group of friends at the time, throughout late junior-high and early high school. My group of friends loves to play videogames so that's what we did in our free time mostly. We would get home immediately after school, fire up the xbox, and watch as 6-8 friends logged on as we built the best teams we could. And we were all good too. When we were plating together we never lost.
Now this day in particular Nate wasn't playing so well. He was usual known to be one of the best players we had. He may be a liar but he could drop nukes in Modern Warfare 2 like it was a UAV. He was also what we referred to as 'Our secret weapon', as this kid had mapped out quick scoping as a science and he had his Doctorate.
Now we were playing some public matches just dicking around and jordan wasn't doing good, so we were poking gun at him with all the usual banter, you know like "My Grandma can play better than you, and she doesn't have any arms!" or "I think I once saw a tree drop more confirmed kills than you just did last game". Stuff like that.
That's when it starts. He says the words I'll never forget "Oh sorry guys I was letting my cat play those last few matches." WHAT. Why would we ever believe your cat was playing xbox. We erupted and had to call him out. So next game he played his heart and soul out and easily outscored us all by 2x, and that was proof enough. Of Course we still didn't believe him so he had to tell us the story of how he got his cat. Oh boy.
He informs us that his cat is no ordinary cat, but he rescued his car from the plains of africa. But not in the way you expect, no no. He was a Kitty Soldier cat, like a fucking Kony Kid Warrior but with little kitties instead. He said he was on vacation in Africa (which is strange because I had never not seen him in the past 4 years) when he was on a safari tour and noticed something in a dried out bush. He asked the guide to stop the jeep and jumped out to check out what was in the bush.
A cat. A cat was in the bush. But this was ni ordinary cat, because this cat was found with an AK-47 next to its side, and a bloody bandana wrapped around it back left leg. Ok Nate how do you expect me to believe that cat could carry an AK let alone squeeze the trigger. "No its true" he informs us. He informs the guide and they take him to the nearest village, where they have a Cat Shaman who can heal the cat and translate anything it says. What.
After the Shaman had translated the cats story they found out that the kitten was kidnapped from its mother and forced to work for an evil tyrant, Kiato. The kitty had slaved under Kiato night and day, training and training to perform terrible attacks on modern civilization. But kitten had had enough. Kitten planned a rebellion to strike up against Kiato and overthrow his rule!
These are cats were talking about here folks don't lose track of how bullshit this is.
Kitten had managed to get 30 of the best child-cat soldiers to rebel against the other 603 and to assassinate Kiato once and for all. They fought for 14 days and 14 nights and lost many a cat, but they finally won. Kitten was the only known survivor. Nate took kitten back to the states where the President Of The United States had blessed Kitten with a secret award ceremony as to not draw attention to the rising cat armies across the ocean. That's why when you try to look it up you can't find anything, it's all classified.
Yup the cat is part of a classified document please do continue.
He realized he hadn't asked the shaman to catch the cats name, so he had to do as any other domestic house cat and pick a name for it. He picked Kratos. Yes Nate, you named your cat after the game God of War, but he promised he hadn't played it yet. He then explained how his cat has PTSD and how he often wakes up with Kratos on his chest with a knife in his mouth, but after a few belly rubs Kratos realizes who Nate is and backs away in shame.
Dude holy shit are you fucking kidding me how could we ever believe this! He says look at my gamertag. "Assassiin x 603" he said he got inspiration from Kratos and his band of brothers who had to assassinate 603 other cats to overthrow Kiato.
603 is our area code you dumb fuck.
"Just a coincidence."
He sends Kratos to a therapist after that a few times a week, but after 2 months he only seems to get worse. After the night terrors and not eating as much anymore he decides to go speak with Kratos' therapist. He calls up and complains to the therapist saying "I'm paying you three hundred and fifty dollars a session and there's still no progress! I'm coming into your office tomorrow afternoon and I want to see all of your files on Kratos to see exactly what your doing to help him!" the therapist explains how he cant because of patient doctor confidentiality, but Nate doesn't care, he's still coming in.
The following afternoon Nate barges into the therapist office, and that's when it hits him. It's not a therapist, but a 3 story tall sea monster from the Mesozoic era! Oh you could imagine the surprise on his face when that happened. Nate had studied sea monsters in 8th grade so he knew just how to handle this! He bargained with the sea monster like a deal with the devil and Kratos was instantly cured. The only thing Nate Had to sacrifice was never being able to tell the truth again.
And that's why I'M the worst liar I know, because I just made you read all that text for nothing. This following text is spacer so you cant read down to the end and see what happens.
Unfortunately I had never talked to Nate much after that. I had gotten some new friends who had more interests other than playing video games and lying. I could only Imagine how Nate's lies would have progressed after that one. Maybe his goldfish had been to the moon or something.
About a year after fizzling away I met my girlfriend and all contact with that group of friends was entirely ceased. My new friends always knew how to have fun and rarely included xbox. I'm glad i cut contact off with Nate, as he would have probably driven me mad.
And so is my story. A tale worthy of a novel. I congratulate all of those who had read that wall of text and discovered what it truly means to know pathological liars.
TL;DR - Sorry, the story is too good to have a TL;DR. If you have the time I recommend taking a few moments out of your day to read it.
CobaltWho · 1 points · Posted at 21:53:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm replying just so you know someone saw this and read most of it.
Only_Validates_Names · 1 points · Posted at 21:58:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was sure no one would see it.
CobaltWho · 1 points · Posted at 22:24:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I got you
Danimals847 · 1 points · Posted at 14:42:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My sister-in-law has on two separate occasions left the state to attend her grandfather's funeral. Yes, the same grandfather. He is still alive.
The_Only_Griff · 1 points · Posted at 14:42:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know a guy that claimed to be a cousin on Kurt Cobain amd that he and Kurt were classed as something called Human 1.X, which gave them an immunity to cyanide.
Also that his dad owned a Formula 1 car and he used to drive it around London.
Coffee-Anon · 1 points · Posted at 14:43:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Plot twist: what if some of the people in this thread are compulsive liars posting lies they made up about fictional compulsive liars
7kithara7 · 1 points · Posted at 14:43:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ended my lurking to answer this one.
All from the same guy: - he had been a sniper in the U.S. Army for 30 years...was 17 years old. - used said sniper training to defend his family's chicken coop from wolves. - also claimed used dynamite to control the wolf infestation on his family's farm. - said he ordered a Hummer online, it came in a box, and he assembled it inside his house. He paid $400K for it. (This was when Hummers were actually semi-popular "rugged" SUVs)
Dude was seriously scary. He had those psycho eyes...the black ones that never matched the emotions on his face. Pretty much every word out of his mouth was a lie, but these were some of the more memorable ones.
thawed_caveman · 1 points · Posted at 14:43:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm not sure if that's compulsive lying, but when I was younger, I used to love making people believe false things. And I was good at it, which probably means I should be an actor.
My favourite in this series is when I convinced two strangers at a concert that I was a satanist.
A_Stripey_Hat · 1 points · Posted at 14:43:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy I knew said he had a pet shark, even though I had literally been his house and seen no such shark.
James602 · 1 points · Posted at 14:44:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a compulsive liar who was a leader of the youth when I was a younger child. At first I believed him but then we later found out that nothing was true. He would tell us that he ran away from home when he was 16 and that an Navy SEAL adopted him and taught him everything from fighting etc. then he would tell us that he knew 18 languages, had like 3 masters degrees in engineering and architecture , and then that he owned a private plane... The most absurd one was that he hacked into the Satellite system went outside in his backyard and took a picture of himself looking up at the sky so when you googled his house that he would be there standing..... He also told us he was going to marry the Native American princess and showed us pictures until he actually introduced his wife to us and looked nothing like he showed us. Yes he was a big fat liar. And we were all young kids so don't blame us for actually believing haha
twinkbaby · 1 points · Posted at 14:44:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
At the call center I worked with, this guy conned his way into management, and would have been upper management if he had interviewed earlier - this was a startup call center and they hired for all positions.
Anyway, he was the most incompetent of the five leads we had, by a very long shot. We supported tax software, and so everyone was going to be moved to a different project in April.
However, this gentleman left early, in March. On his last day, he told several people on the DL, including me, that he would be helping the FBI with a humongous sting operation, and that he couldn't go into the details now, but that it would be huge news in six months.
Haven't heard from him since.
LakersFan34 · 1 points · Posted at 14:45:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
They said that they went to Wal-Mart on the boarder of El Paso and Mexico, bought a grenade, climbed on top of Wal-Mart, threw it off and killed 6 cartel members
johnny80 · 1 points · Posted at 14:45:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a coworker tell me that her uncle shot and killed Hitler. okaaaay.
Tucker33 · 1 points · Posted at 14:45:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This one is kinda sad but I think its still counts. When I did retail I used to work with this kid named Ben. He was a really good kid, but just kinda slow. Not retarted, but slow enough that he didn't catch things quickly and didn't know a lot about much, but the things he knew about he really knew. Ships, jets, airplanes and semi trucks he knew like the back of his hand.
When I left that job I would go in and see Ben in there and occasionally talk to him for a good 25 minutes. Roughly a year after I left I saw him in there again and started talking to him and he was telling me how he stopped a terrorist attack and President "Georgie" Bush gifted him a military transport aircraft just like one he saw in a movie and it was up at our local airport. He had a few other tales about this married woman he worked with that had the hots for him among others that he told me.
While he told me these stories he would have this intense look on his face that told me he actually believed what he was telling me. The best way I can describe it is when a dog looks at you from the side while its hyper with its eyes wide open.
Anyways, a while later I went back to do some shoping and Ben wasn't there. I asked another former co worker if he was off and I was told that they found him in a neighborhood 15 miles away from his house (He didnt drive) wandering around aimlessly. When they asked him what he was doing he said he was looking for a house to buy for him and the married co worker he had the hots for.
He was immediately let go from his job and put on medical leave. Turns out he had some sort of mental disorder that could've been voilent but they caught it before he could hurt anyone. He was a pathological liar, but he couldn't help it.
monstersaredangerous · 1 points · Posted at 14:45:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That his mum stabbed him, and where she stabbed him he grew cancer. Dude was fucking weird
TheKoi · 1 points · Posted at 14:46:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
in 5th grade a guy lied all the time, the one i remember the most is that his brother met a ninja in an alley who trained him and that they would make giant shuriken out of trash can lids.
IndianaButts · 1 points · Posted at 14:46:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One guy trying to convince some people he was an anime nerd, said he watched Trigun back to back 10 times in a week. I would have believed him if half his day wasnt spent at high school.
Never understood why he did that.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 14:47:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
One dude in highschool said he had a photographic memory, I showed him a piece of paper with a bunch of writing on it and quickly took it away to see if he could recall it. He then said, and I shit you not, "No I have photographic memory, I can only memorize pictures." I just looked at him blankly and turned away. Way too stupid for me to handle.
Worlds_Best_Coffee · 1 points · Posted at 14:47:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"Gomer" was named for the Gomer Pyle, as they were both country, twangy boys with penchant for getting into messes.
He was young and new to our group of friends. He would casually interject when speaking of a band that he knew the members of that internationally famous band you were speaking about, he knew that film star's family and yes, his uncle/cousin was one of the founding employees of google/yahoo/facebook/myspace/etc.
We all knew he was lying, humored him "You know Matt Damon? What's he like?" and we get a one sentene answer and move the conversation along.
He didn't have reliable transportation and often needed a ride to and from anything we were doing. He enters a friend's house one evening and announces he won't be needing rides from this day on as he (a part time Subway sandwiches employee) has purchased a new Ford F-150 with all the options. A few eyebrows were raised, no one really bought it but the evening went on.
A few days later I'm riding around with one of our crew and he whips out his cell phone and calls Gomer. Asks him whats up, if he's working today, does he want to get together later, how is his truck, etc. He says he's great, loves the truck and he's just chilling with it at home. My buddy says "Great, we're about two blocks away, I want to swing by and see that truck! Let's celebrate, you drive, I'll buy lunch." A moment later we're at Gomer's house, no truck to be seen.
He walks out of the door of his house, strangely quiet and we ask about the truck. "I sold it. About five minutes ago. Too much upkeep."
We mention we were on the phone with him less than five minutes ago and he didn't mention it and he shrugs and asks if we're still buying him lunch.
therock21 · 1 points · Posted at 14:47:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So this doesn't quite answer the question but the question conjured up this memory and is somewhat relevant.
I remember being babysat when I was a kid and we were watching All That with the babysitter, a teenage girl. The part where the fat girl who does the news came on. Our babysitter said that she didn't think she was funny and that she wouldn't laugh at any of the jokes. I think I thought it was the funniest part of the show so I couldn't believe she wouldn't laugh. Anyways, the babysitter laughed at one of the jokes and I called her out on it.
Her explanation for why she laughed at that joke was because it was a joke that she herself made up and so of course it was funny enough to make her laugh, so that joke didn't count.
I believed her and thought it was so cool she got one of her jokes on tv.
After writing that, I think it actually does fit the question pretty well
UristMasterRace · 1 points · Posted at 14:47:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend told me that he made a game in RPG Maker and Square Enix contacted him and told him they wanted to buy it and sell it as the next Final Fantasy.
That kid told nothing but lies; I wish I could remember more. We would always call him out on it, but he'd just say "fine, don't believe me!"
theomegaweapon · 1 points · Posted at 14:48:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
During my military service, this one guy in my platoon had loads of stories.
grandfather had a frozen german SS soldier in his fridge
had jewels from an old swedish warship that sunk in the Stocholm harbour
national champion in Jitterbug
national champion in Gymnastics
it was military service or life in jail because of his badassery
Good times
threefourfkyoubb · 1 points · Posted at 14:49:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He told me he had sex w a smoking hot black girl he met on tinder. I asked him to pull up her tinder and he showed me a pic of some half naked girl, that was posted on imgur...
Martha_is_a_slut · 1 points · Posted at 14:49:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Guy I knew in college said his dad won Mr Olympia and an Ironman Race in the same year. Also, that he was recused by mermaids.
BQNinja · 1 points · Posted at 14:49:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This girl I was sleeping with for a short while was the most insane liar I'd ever met. It took me a little bit to see through it, but basically just in the one month that I was sleeping with her, she had a leukemia scare, was "hospitalized" twice for messed up blood tests, got T-boned in a car accident but with zero injuries, had her best friend get in a car accident which lead to a miscarriage which led to the best friend committing suicide at the hospital (but mysteriously this girl didn't go to the funeral or visit the hospital at all), and had another best (male) friend attempt to sexually assault her and then ALSO commit suicide. All in ONE MONTH.
The sad part is it took me a whole month to realize she was batshit crazy. After I broke it off her with her she told me she was in love with me. God damn it.
SRohoman · 1 points · Posted at 14:49:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This guy I worked with over the summer had the greatest lies and stories I've ever heard. A few were:
and my personal favourite!
Most entertaining summer I've ever had!
scuba_dooby_doo · 1 points · Posted at 14:49:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A girl I went to primary with insisted that she had a dolphin as a pet.... in a pool .... In her garden .... in the middle of a city!
IndianaButts · 1 points · Posted at 14:49:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh yea, some guy was telling me that
1 His dad owned all of BMW, and he proved it to my by bringing me a BMW keyring the next day.
2 His dad got him a copy of halo 2 before it was out by half a year, since he got it from HK. He didnt realize bungie are an american company, and two, the asian country known for having games before they are localized for the western market is not HK, its Japan. I pretended to be jealous.
blistermania · 1 points · Posted at 14:51:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I used to work with a guy named William. William seemed like he couldn't help it.. and I could swear he knew this about himself. He would chime in during the most mundane conversations, realize what he had just said, but would never back down. As a result, we learned all sorts of interesting things about William.
If you were having trouble with your lawnmower, he was a small engine expert.
If you were talking about painting your bedroom, he'd mention that he painted Mike Tyson's house.
If you were talking about a girlfriend, he was getting married that weekend... in Hawaii.
One day during our lunch break, we decided to walk down the street to McDonald's. It happened to be the time of year when McDonald's Monopoly game was in full swing.
After getting our food, William sat across the table and went straight to peeling off the tiny game pieces. With no surprise in his voice, he says, "Huh. I just won a million dollars."
Had anyone else at the table said this, we would've had a chuckle and moved on. Instead, knowing William, the rest of the table looks up from their food and prepares for the challenge.
Tony, another guy at the table, said, "William... are you actually telling me that you just won a million dollars? Like, right now at this table?" William doesn't look up. "Yep."
Tony said, "Aren't you just a little excited about it?" William had moved on to eating some fries at this point. "Eh, I've won these things before. It's not a big deal. I'm not even sure I'm going to turn this one in."
Tony began to laugh. "So you're telling me that not only have you won millions of dollars playing monopoly at McDonald's, you're also a millionaire who chooses to drive a crap car and do factory work for $10 an hour?" William shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah, so?"
We all knew it was pointless to keep going, so we told William he was buying lunch next time and that we were hurt that he'd waited this long to tell us he was flushed with cash.
GoNinja_GoNinja_Go · 1 points · Posted at 14:52:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Grew up with a friend who was absolutely a compulsive liar. It was always really easy to ignore the obvious lies intended to one-up someone else's story, but the ones he'd blurt out at random and with no context were much harder to ignore. The one that always stuck with me is when he claimed one of our neighbors had a working model of the crossbow Van Helsing used in the movie Van Helsing. You know the one, with the drum of crossbow bolts on the bottom
jimbo_slice3 · 1 points · Posted at 14:52:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm on a trip to my brothers wedding with all the groomsmen. One of the groomsmen (sitting right next to me) told me that he drank the equivalent of 80 beers within 8 hours. I told him no way. He then went on to tell me that his dad regularly drinks 2 cases a night.
I'm not a big drinker, but I feel like that story is a little exaggerated.
SammehLo · 1 points · Posted at 14:53:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I dated a compulsive liar for 2 years in high school. It started from when we started dating, he told me about this girl he dated before me. It was pretty simple at first, he showed me some photos of a pretty girl on his laptop and claimed she was a japanese foreign student who was a year older and already in college for photography.
Then the story started evolving. Suddenly she was also a model who lived alone (at age 17) and frequently had threesomes with him and other "models" he just happened to know through his dad. Whenever he went to visit his grandma he claimed he was visiting her and came back with these elaborate stories about how she wrote a song for him because she was sad about the breakup. He would even play these "original songs" for me (which I later found out were just covers he downloaded from this singer on youtube.
I didn't think much of it until the complaints started. Whenever we were cuddling he'd tell me about her tits and how hers were bigger so they offered more "cushioning". When I felt bloated he'd tell me about her size 2 body and how active she was. Whenever I tried to do anything he started telling me that his ex would have done it better. I eventually got fed up and told him to just get back together with her if she was so great.
Of course that's when the story got more elaborate. He told me she found out she was bi and started hooking up with another japanese model that he just happened to know. I started pushing for a meetup and he told me she was moving to japan with her new girlfriend. He started sending me "proof" of her existance like drawings she did or songs she sang (which he stole off DeviantArt or youtube covers). I asked his friends about it and found out he'd sometimes talk to them on facebook as her (he'd pretend they were in the same room and take turns talking to whoever it was). Apparently this lie had already been going on for 2 years.
The only part I couldn't figure out was her photos because no amount of reverse image searching revealed anything. I later found out (after he confessed) that he stole the photos from a distant facebook acquaintance of his. Obviously that relationship didn't work out.
scriptorverum · 1 points · Posted at 14:53:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
3 bottles of Everclear and 52 beers consumed in four hours.
naabta · 1 points · Posted at 14:53:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
From high school,
"My Dad and I shot down a UFO with our 12 gauge."
Not kidding. This, from the same guy who painted a Confederate flag on his truck door using black spray paint.
It didnt even come close to looking like the Confederate flag. It just looked like a black "X" inside a black square.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 14:54:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
They told me them and their mates climbed 2/3 of everest in an evening and skiii'd down because it was getting too dark. I shit you not. I just looked at him like...do you really expect me to believe this.
Doodle4036 · 1 points · Posted at 14:54:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sitting around catching up w/ roommates after xmas break at college. The discussion of presents came up. One of my roommates mentioned that his dad was blown away by getting a Rolex for xmas. Not 10 seconds later my other roommate stated that his father got 2 Rolexs from his company for xmas.
Bobby_Newpooort · 1 points · Posted at 14:55:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Kid from high school would show up a couple times every month with crutches and a different story for what happened. My favorite reason was that he was playing tight end on his cousin's semi-pro Arena Football team and made a diving touchdown catch, but landed spine first on the wall. He also claimed to run a 4.60 40-yard dash and "would've gone pro" if he didn't get hurt
Eziyos · 1 points · Posted at 14:55:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy told me once that he regulary has to go see his doctor because has a erectile problems, when I asked him how are those little blue pills he replied "no no I never take no blue pills, my problem is the exact opposit!!!"...he claims to have an a bonner 24/7 if he doesn't take his medication.
ftbc · 1 points · Posted at 14:55:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My high school German teacher told us outrageous stories of her time in Germany. It was a very long time ago (God I'm old) but here's what I can remember:
She was approached by the FBI while in Germany and asked to pose as a prostitute to help bust some crime lord who was doing some international bad things. Then the CIA got involved, but the details of that part changed with every telling. Over two years I must have hear ten iterations of the story and every time there were new and interesting details.
The best part: this woman was ugly. Always had been. My dad went to school with her and I've seen her yearbook photos. Poor lady lost the genetic lottery bad. I can't imagine taking money to sleep with her, much less hiring her as a prostitute.
chelsnels1918 · 1 points · Posted at 14:56:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a compulsive liar co worker who told this elaborate story about how she was pulled over by a cop just so he could ask for her number. She told the whole restaurant that story even though that's completely illegal and not plausible (she was kind of fat and not good looking at all).
Whaaatiswrongwithme · 1 points · Posted at 14:56:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Man when I was in elementary school I used to be the worst liar. Thankfully I stopped lying when I got to middle school.
Some lies I remember telling:
Had a best friend with a super long last name that was constantly doing bad ass things with his dad/getting in horrible accidents whilst doing bad ass things. The most common one was that his dad owned a trebuchet and a junk yard and would launch cars across the yard. One time my made up best friend was in the car when the trebuchet launched the car with him in it.
I played hockey. This lie was the most believable to the point where my friends and my friends parents would ask me for details because they actually wanted to play hockey too.
I had been to China and kept up a pen pal relationship with a kid there. This was also a believable one that lead me to having to do a project on China. I even went so far as to draw made up Chinese symbols on the board in front of the class.
The last one I clearly remember because I got called out on it. I told everyone I had contacts and would run to my backpack randomly throughout the day to "change" them. My teacher ended up asking my mom about them. Boy was my face red during that parent teacher conference.
Anon_64 · 1 points · Posted at 14:56:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
My brother is the epitomy of a compulsive liar. He's the kind of guy who will eat a cheeseburger for lunch and when you ask him what he ate, he'll say pizza. I will now tell you his 3 most recent stories he told me in the span of an hour.
"So I was drinking and decided to walk to the store to get some smokes when I heard this chick screaming like she was being murdered. So I ran up to the house, kicked the door in, and there's this cute little blond chick with HUGE tits butt naked masturbating on the couch.
Then she says "perfect timing. You look like you have a HUGE dick. Why don't you fuck me with it" I was like who? Me? What?! Seriously?! Then I just fucked her brains out right there"
"I was driving home from work and I was stopped at the light. Then this car pulls up next to me and starts honking the horn. I thought it was a guy looking for a fight so I was about to get out and beat his ass.
Then I look over and see it's this cute little blond chick with HUGE tits. So I roll down the window and she says "You look like you have a HUGE dick. Why don't you come back to my place and fuck me with it?" I was just like what?! For real?! So we went back to her place and fucked all night long!"
"I was at the grocery store just buying some milk when someone comes up behind me and taps me on the shoulder. I turn around, and it's this cute little blond chick with HUGE tits.
She says "Excuse me, sir. Sorry to bother you. But you look like you have a HUGE dick. Would you mind fucking me with it?" I was just like what?! No way....so we just went behind the store and I bent her over by the dumpster and fucked the hell out of her!"
I should also point out that in each of these stories he is in shock and disbelief that this is happening to him and he fumbles around and doesn't know how to act at first.
Harambe69 · 1 points · Posted at 14:56:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Met this guy who told me he was going to school to be a Cardiovascular Surgeon, and that he was 22 with a kid. Also that he played on the Basketball team at Duke. Fact checked, he just turned 21, is single, no kids, no degree and was definitely not on the team.
EDIT: also is a clepto
triple_skyfall · 1 points · Posted at 14:56:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Back when I worked in a nursing home kitchen (soul-sucking, shit job) I had a Turkish co-worker who I'll call "Dave". He was around 17-18 and was a huge liar. Some of his lies weren't too memorable but here's one I'll never forget:
He once claimed that he dated a girl for about a year's length of time (not sure how old, most likely around his age). And during the time they dated, he cheated on her with several different guys, and had not one, not two, but SEVEN abortions. Unfortunately there were no women in the immediate vicinity to tell him what a total fucking idiot he was (and still is).
TheAbsoluteLastWord · 1 points · Posted at 14:57:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He has "a friend with a 1996 300ZX Twin Turbo who ripped the engine out, elongated the front end, and dropped in an LT5 out of a 1995 ZR1 Corvette". "Runs 9's at 140mph in the 1/4 right out of the box without a tune". Also, the highlight...."it has cast-iron aluminum heads".
:sigh:
jmcclary22 · 1 points · Posted at 14:57:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One of my former coworkers would lie about everything from hanging out with celebrities, winning the lottery, and driving fancy cars on the weekend even though he drove a beat up Civic to work, but the real doozy he came up with was that he was awarded a Congressional Medal of Honor for his service in the Invasion of Grenada. His claim was that he killed 75 men himself and was recognized for his amazing abilities. I think he figured the specific details would make us believe this ludicrous story.
The problem was that the internet exists, so we looked up the Invasion of Grenada and found that the Grenada and Cuban troops only took 70 casualties, so we questioned why he decided to kill five of his fellow American troops. He never got back to us on that one.
mw8912a · 1 points · Posted at 14:59:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One of my old friends told me and all the boys that he had gotten a new dog. Naturally, we wanted to meet the little guy so we asked if we could come over to see the new dog. At first he told us he was at the vet, and then for the next 2 years, made up new stories regarding the dogs whereabouts. Suffice to say, he never had a dog.
jms122589 · 1 points · Posted at 15:00:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had a roommate who played some electronic music and smoked a bunch of weed along with other drugs all day. Everytime you talked About a band...any fucking band...he would go and say "yea I opened for them once" or " yea he's a super chill dude I smoked with him once"...riiigght and that's why you're at state college.
fukyourkarma · 1 points · Posted at 15:00:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy at my work bowled a perfect game with a 20 pound ball.
Zonarion · 1 points · Posted at 15:01:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A friend of mine always tells us "near death" stories whenever we all hangout, I wouldn't call him a compulsive liar but he definitely thinks it sounds real to everyone.
GodDamnYou_Bernice · 1 points · Posted at 15:01:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My brother told everyone that he literally farts flames.
orge121 · 1 points · Posted at 15:01:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So I have a fat cat with a low hanging belly. My girlfriends ex texted him one day with the story about his theory as to why MY cat has a fat tummy.
Apparently he had a wild cat on his parents property once that was pregnant. The ex decides the cat needs an abortion. So he goes to a local towns pet store (the town never had a pet store) and buys over the counter cat abortion pills. He then proceeds to feed them to a wild cat on his parents property and gives the cat an abortion with "a pair of tweezers and scissors".
Naturally the abortion went off without a hitch and ever since then the cat has had a fat low hanging belly.
Of course my cat is male...
CobaltWho · 1 points · Posted at 22:21:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This might be the winner.
mykzurbf · 1 points · Posted at 15:01:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I once knew somebody who lied about having cancer. We were 18 at the time and she told everybody in Sixth Form about it, including the teachers. There was something off about it from the start, but I didn't want to question it - how could anyone lie about cancer? She missed an hour of school once and came in saying she had just had keyhole surgery on her brain. That's when I knew she was making this up.
Her mum worked in the local supermarket and someone from our year who actually did have cancer (thankfully treatment worked and there are no signs now) approached her and let her know that if her or her daughter needed anyone to talk to about this, her family were there for them.
Her mum replied with "I think you're confused - her grandfather has cancer, not her."
We all found out when the girl who actually did have cancer exploded into our classroom and called her out on it in front of everyone.
PM_ME_YOUR_NICK_CAGE · 1 points · Posted at 15:03:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend back in high school that said so many lies that I've forgotten most of them. The ones that stick out though was one where she said her mom won the Miss USA pageant. She also stood up at graduation when they honored students going into the military and even talked about it all semester, and the week after graduation claimed she got kicked out because her dad already served.
_pateradactyl · 1 points · Posted at 15:03:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I worked with this crazy lady for a year. She would always come into work crying, and I mean every single time she worked. She apparently had six or seven different grandmas who died of thyroid cancer that developed into stage four lung cancer in a matter of two to four weeks. And when the reincarnations of her grandmother would die, around ten of her best friends died of brain cancer and she couldn't work because she had to go to their funeral. She also gave three kidneys to her brother, but don't ever ask about her brother because they don't get along very well. She has a twin sister, but she refuses to acknowledge her and tells everyone they're just cousins. She also had an affair with my old general manager, who was literally five hundred pounds, and him and his wife are just going to become Mormon and allow her into their marriage. She's now dating some other guy, and she tells everyone how they're getting married and she's pregnant, but it always ends up with her having an abortion or having a miscarriage.
tamtt · 1 points · Posted at 15:03:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This one guy I know from my college loved talking about motorbikes. Said he owned a few. He said he had been dirtbiking since he was little and basically grew up on his scrambler doing wheelies, jumps and you name it. When he was 16 he got his 50cc, then went through the licences as fast as he could (he was 22 at the time). He always said how much he liked riding his superbike and racing off the lights with the front wheel lifting when he was at uni (he dropped out). He also said that he goes down to the dirt track to practice his jumps and has done a couple of shows.
Now I had no reason to disbelieve him as he had told a couple of funky stories in the past, and then backed those up with video evidence, so I went with it. Until I dropped him back to his house one day and he invited me in.
His house is a dump (no disrespect meant, but it was a building site and about the size of a double garage). A tiny little place and he lives with his parents who have a bog standard car to go with it. I have heard so much of his bikes at this point I kinda want to see them, but he says he has them in a lockup somewhere (understandable considering the house), but he did have one there. Turns out this is a Chinese 125cc with big red L plates on it.
At this point I'm curious and ask him "Why do you still have L plates on?" and he replies "because you can't ride without them on a CBT".
His whole story falls apart right in front of me. Bikes can be expensive, but I don't think his family had the money to sustain such a hobby. As for multiple of them, probably not. He said he loved his superbike, but hadn't even passed his test, I hadn't even seen a dirtbike or even a video of them.
I have made sure to ask him for a video of the dirtbiking for the past year, but he keeps on saying "I'll get that for you next time we meet". I'm pretty sure it's bullshit, and I've pretty much avoided contact with him since. I've also mentioned my concerns to the other guy that we hung out with and left him to work it out for himself.
TaraAshleyMxox · 1 points · Posted at 15:03:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My ex was a compulsive liar, he once said that he carried his dead best friend on his back, down a hill, whilst having two broken legs himself.. Saw his best friend a couple days after he told me that, alive and dandy. He also made up having a little brother that died in childhood and would get really upset if we even mentioned him, his parents weren't aware of this other sibling they'd apparently given birth too.. I could go on but I'd be here all day.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 15:04:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
This was when I was in about 4th grade. This kid, Josh, used to tell a crazy lie every week it seemed like. A few memorable ones were:
When Spacejam was in theatres, he told us that during the opening theme song, he was dancing up and down the aisles and in front of the screen with all the girls in the theatre.
When Goosebumps was hugely popular and R.L. Stine had his contest to meet him, Josh told us that he had won that contest and became best friends with Stine.
He stole my two favorite Star Wars toys and then showed them to me. I excitedly said I had the same two toys to which he replied(and I shit you not), "Really? Can I see them?" I went to go show them and they were missing. I know it was him that stole them, because one of the toys, Obi-Wan, came with a stage you could connect to Vader(who also came with a stage), which he did not have. I still had the stage, but no Obi-Wan. I'm still very, very bitter about this one.
Edit: formatting.
me202 · 1 points · Posted at 15:04:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
During Freshman year of college one of our friends was a foreign exchange student who was clearly very wealthy. He was a really nice kid but no one really knew anything about him besides the fact that he had money. He would do favors for kids he didn't know, lending out hundreds of dollars without even caring that he never got it back. He would always be offering to buy everyone meals(at very nice restaurants). Everyone loved him for it and i admit, even I fell victim, but I eventually started turning down these kinds of offers because it made me a little uncomfortable and I do not like feeling that I owe people, even though he never expected me to pay him back. Anyway, after becoming pretty close to him I really started to see all the different kind of lies he would tell different people, not only regarding where he actually came from and his past, but also little everyday things. Sometimes he would even switch his story up on us (closer friends) thinking we just wouldn't notice?
Here are some good ones I can remember: -First he claimed that he was Royalty from his home country, which came off believable initially due to the little information we had. -He then claimed he was part of the Korean military "White Ops". (This doesn't exist) -Next was that he lived in Russia and was a soldier for the Russian queen and had to kill 10 dogs or some shit to become a soldier. -He was always switching up his story about his home too. One day he would say that him and his family were always very close, the next time I heard someone ask he told them he hasn't spoken with his father for 6 years. -This broke off into smaller everyday lies, about what kind of cars he has at home. Claimed to have a variety of super cars/sports cars. Even claimed to have personally put a FUCKING v8 in a Toyota supra(which anyone can tell you is impossible). Somehow after putting a FUCKING v8 in a supra, he doesn't know how to change a flat tire or jump start a car here in the US. -Told me his parents own houses in New York, LA, and pretty much every country you can think of. Not only that but every house has a super security system and of course, super cars. -Because of a secret shot he got when he was a baby, he can NEVER get sick. (he was sick multiple times that I recall but always had some crazy excuse/reason as to what is was) -Also used to try and get us to smoke Catnip and Wormwood but that's a long one to explain.
My friend and I are thinking about writing a small book about this kid and his stories.
EDIT: sorry about the format, it got all fucky.
NanotechNinja · 1 points · Posted at 15:04:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I once had a guy tell me he was going to make America great again.
meemos · 1 points · Posted at 15:05:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A girl I used to work with would always tell me her false lashes were her real lashes. The glue was always visible.
fluffytuff · 1 points · Posted at 15:08:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My wife is a gamer, and constantly has neckbeards trying to hit on her. I think it's funny, and enjoy listening to the stories.
Anyway, this one particular guy that she would play in the same clan with in Lord of the Rings Online (Yea, this was a while ago) claimed he was a Yakuza Warlord, living in Texas. His wife was in the Army, and he would constantly talk about his girls that he would pimp out and would send the money back to Japan. He kept trying to impress my wife with stories like, "I have to go afk. The "boss" is calling asking about his girls", etc. Anyway, I finally called him out on his shit in Teamspeak, and started laughing at him and he started threatening me saying the Yakuza knows where I live, etc.
Tommohawkz · 1 points · Posted at 15:08:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had a lad who i worked with who came into work one day claiming he'd gotten drunk at an Irish pub and had a threesome with 2 Eastern European girls in a neighbouring hotel... he had to go home for 2 days (came in, felt ill and went home) because he was hungover and apparently he doesn't remember much of it.... must be true though because he lost his jumper from the ordeal!
LadyFeen · 1 points · Posted at 15:10:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My brother is a compulsive liar but never tells any wacky stories. He just lies about everything for no fucking reason over the dumbest shit.
Although recently he told a story about how I used to hide my gym gear in his school bag to get out of gym class. Which would have been hilarious if I'd actually done it. When I pointed out that this never happened he started getting shitty. He often tells stories that involve the people around him and then becomes hugely upset when they are confused because the events never even happened.
He lies about being beaten up, being raped and threatened at gunpoint, but if you bring it up and offer help he laughs and says he never said any of it. His gender identity and sexuality changes to suit both his wants and what he feels will make him the most interesting at the time.
He also lies about eating all the biscuits.
It's gotten to the point that I just don't give a shit about him anymore. I can't trust anything he says at all and if I try to sort fact from fiction he gets very aggressive. So if something terrible really does happen now he may find nobody believes him when he needs us to. He'll become the boy who cried wolf.
We're getting him therapy. He does it because he's clearly deeply insecure and desperate for attention. I think most of the people who compulsively lie need to be pitied really, they are usually very unhappy people.
Swordildo · 1 points · Posted at 15:11:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Grew up with a compulsive liar for a best friend. One that sticks out was that her grandma survived 8 cancers, and died from the 9th cancer.
Sayagata · 1 points · Posted at 15:11:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So, an old close friend of mine is unfortunately such a type. I have always been able to tell when he's lying. So would you, he's terrible at it.
There we are one day, all having a catch up at our local live music bar, when i'm approached by a friend of a friend. He says "Hey Sayagata, that guy over there, what's his deal" I ask in an 'here we go again' tone "Why, whats he said now". Apparently this guy was trying to get to know the group, having a relatable chat with some guys who are outgoing types about the time he and his Dad climbed Mount Kilimanjaro. Up pipes my skinny weedy friend who's life experiences and knowledge are limited to popular games and films, "Yeah well, me and my uncle climbed Everest in 3 days, flat out, no rest. That's not even the best part, on our way down we had to run for a solid 30k as we where being chased down by mountain wolves. Luckily by Uncle knew a few short cuts and we made it out alive".
RustaBhymes · 1 points · Posted at 15:11:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a guy tell me he was elk hunting and calling a bull he couldn't see. All of a sudden the bull is right beside him and scraping at him with his gargantuan antlers. He has it on video, but cant remember what he did with it
wuzart · 1 points · Posted at 15:12:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A kid I went to elementary school with claimed to have written the opening rap song to NBA 2K2. Unfortunately, as he was only 11 at the time, the NBA and 2K Sports took advantage of him and stole his lyrics. He didn't even get a free game copy. Outrageous.
She_Likes_Cloth · 1 points · Posted at 15:13:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My cousins boyfriend is a complete douche. He claimed that he joined the army, got deployed, and the unit he was a squad leader of got decimated by an IED, of course he is the only survivor and has severe PTSD. They medically discharged him because of it.
Now, there are unfortunately people who this would be true for, but the reason why this is BS is because he's 17 and still in high school.
JusticeSte · 1 points · Posted at 15:16:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This one lad I worked with, told me he's a film director (he was doing something related in college), and Peter Jackson is taking him to New Zealand to help on production on 'The Hobbit' trilogy....
He also told me his uncle was 'Suggs' from Madness.
RedShirtDecoy · 1 points · Posted at 15:16:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh lord, we had one of these in my division when I was on an aircraft carrier.
two specific stories he liked to tell..
He was specifically picked by Bill Clinton to sing at his inauguration... he would have been 8 at the time.
He is a martial arts master and was trained by Chuck Norris and even beat CN while sparring a few times.
Others that I remember bits and pieces of but cant remember all the details...
Shooting an elephant on a safari with a caliber round that wouldn't even puncture the skin of the elephant. He was just such a good shot that he hit the elephant "in just the right spot" to take him down. We were weapons, I saw him on the range, he was a horrible marksman.
Driving 200+ mph on interstate 264 in his car, which was completely stock and was something along the lines of a civic or corolla.
In basic he claimed to be selected to join seal team 6, but the navy thought he was too deadly for them or something along those lines. For full disclaimer... I didn't hear this from his mouth but it was often repeated by others as a story he told often.
And there are many others I can't remember because it was so long ago. One person I was stationed with was keeping a notebook of all his stories for entertainment purposes. Lets just say there were a lot of stories in that notebook.
angelheaded--hipster · 1 points · Posted at 15:16:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I used to have a friend who would always talk about the hysterectomy she had to get when she was 22. Since then she has had two kids...
Horiizzon · 1 points · Posted at 15:17:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When i was 16, my other 16 year old friend told me and our group of friends that he went to Costa Rica, all by himself. This same friend also said he was going to New Mexico, also alone, which i assume didn't actually happen.
wastewalker · 1 points · Posted at 15:17:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Late to the party. I was in Basic Training at the time and we had this guy who would always tell BS stories. After about 6 weeks, one night he started claiming he and his family personally knew COL Dick Winters, famously portrayed in Band of Brothers.
One of our DS, who was basically a lifer in the 101st overheard him boast about this. After a few poignant questions that exposed this obvious lie, the DS ripped into him something fierce. This guy had about 4 new assholes after that story and was a running joke the rest of the cycle.
Other BS stories told by this guy. He skydived into his backyard to propose to his fiance. The picture he showed of his fiance looked like a demo shot that came out of a picture frame. His family owned a million dollar Gibson guitar.
gellmania · 1 points · Posted at 15:17:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Someone I knew in college told me that he was a volunteer fire fighter in NYC during 9/11, and that he responded to the World Trade Center. He said he was one of the last fire fighters to run out of the building before the collapse and that he lost most of the other fire fighters he went into the towers with. This person was born without one of his hands, and also would have been 15 the day of 9/11. It was the worst thing I ever heard someone lie about.
DeuceSevin · 1 points · Posted at 15:17:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Was good friends for many years with a pathological liar until he died (to me), but I digress. His lies were mostly harmless and occasionally entertaining. The one that I never was able to verify was when there was a fire at him mother-in-laws house. He lived a block a way and said the police questioned him as a suspect for starting the fire. I wasn't sure whether to believe that the police questioned him, but more than that, in retrospect I believe they did question him because I think he actually started the fire.
LPT - people like this may seem annoying, but I do not believe you can trust them at all. They are toxic and eventually you will be hurt by their lies. Cut them out of your life NOW. Trust me on this one.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 15:17:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He was at a paintball range and on the other team there was some gangsters. After the 'game' they came to him and offered him a 'job' as a shooter in a 'gang war'.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 15:18:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This crazy lady tried to convince me that I pushed her son off his bike. I think I would know if I did or not.
cometeggs · 1 points · Posted at 15:18:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Went to school with this one kid, let's call him Bobby. Bobby always promised other kids these ridiculous things he could never possibly afford. He told one of his classmates he would get him some video game or movie. Well, a couple days later, Bobby told the kid he couldn't give him the disc because his cousin thought it was a cookie and ate it. Bobby once fell off of his dads "50 foot deck." Bobby promised some kid a console or whatever and supposedly "Dropped it off the Grand Canyon." He never even went to the Grand Canyon. He borrowed my friends toy or whatever (We were kids,) and his brother allegedly "Broke into his laser guarded safe and stole it." My friend never got his toy back. This is just some of the stories, I am just scratching the surface. Excuse my grammar/spelling, I have my reasons.
lpunderground · 1 points · Posted at 15:19:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I worked with a guy who claimed he was in the US Coast Guard (why lie about being in that branch?). He described a story once where he was in a bar with Marines and started talking shit. He used a line from the Ashton Kutcher movie and I knew he was full of shit but I didn't care enough to call him on it. However my boss walked by right as he was telling this particular part of the story and said, "Man, that shit was even more unbelievable than when Kelso did it in The Guardian."
I've heard he's cutting hair and selling meth now.
fisheramike · 1 points · Posted at 15:20:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
His 3 wheeler goes 420 MPH. He had a hole in is lungs and liver. His computer went 4000 RPM. OKKKKk DAVEEE
Baxter90905 · 1 points · Posted at 15:21:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy I knew from school came over one day, wanting to ride my dirtbikes with me, he insisted that he knew how to ride one that was "way bigger" than the ones I had (mine were cr250s, race bikes). I still gave him an overview of how to drive it, how to use the clutch, throttle, and brakes. He told me to shut up, because he can "do triple back flips off the sand dunes in Oklahoma." I said, "alright, just walk the bike towards the yard, pull in the clutch, put it in gear and go." He says, "alright" and throttles it to hell and then stomps on the gearshift, doing a small wheelie and crashing into my truck, leaving a pretty decent dent in the bumper. He didnt apologize, he told me he was used to an "automatic transmission bike" and "thought mine would be in reverse so he could back away from the truck." He refuses to pay for the dent in the truck, and I'm not in contact with him anymore.
StrikeAnywherePanda · 1 points · Posted at 15:21:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh man... I remember another guy. This one is good.
We will call him John.
I worked as an assistant manager of a Gamestop, and this dude in his 40's was working with us, and he claimed that he was an engineer that worked with weapon systems for the government.
(Why work for Gamestop when you have that kind of a job? But whatever.)
He was "leaking" us information about biochemical weapons and what they were used for. One day he called out because he had to travel to Iraq for three days to investigate and find a cure for a weapon that seemed to destroy an entire village. This was absolute bullshit, cause I saw him hanging outside of his house the the day after, talking to people. (I have to pass by his house to get to work)
He had government workers around him at all times. If I was to lay a hand on him he could have me shot by a sniper and I wouldn't even see it.
He has to have blackout curtains all over his house so people can't see the secrets inside, including his super protective safe room.
His daughter came to his job with a bunch of protesters where were against weapon violence. Even though the protest was correct, his daughter wasn't named because she's a minor, and they don't post minor's information in the paper. He had no problem with her getting arrested, apparently.
The guy was a real piece of work.
Incaendia · 1 points · Posted at 15:21:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I once told one of my compulsive liar friends a story about something VERY specific and ridiculous that happened to me as a child.
About a week later, I was hanging out in a group with said friend... and that friend started to tell my other friends MY story... but as if it happened to him. (I guess forgetting that I was the one who told them the story originally)
I interrupted him and said, "Um... that happened to me. I was the one who told you that story." And he got embarrassed and pretended to have just mis-remembered. I was just like yeahokay.jpg.
Pattylocke · 1 points · Posted at 15:21:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I once knew a guy who was hiking with his cousin, when she slipped and fell from the top of the mountain. Without even thinking, he pulled out his knife and stabbed it through her shirt into a rock to stop her from falling.
He's simply incredible.
sulfr · 1 points · Posted at 15:21:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
There was this guy in college who would always brag about ANYTHING, every things he said about his life were deformed by his lies.
He told us he bought his car's ugly white mags online for 1000$ but posted a picture on facebook of him painting those cheap plastic mags.
Told us he went in the sweden/swiss alps for 3 days with is father & some blonde hot chicks. Apparently they heli-skied & partied the whole time. Who would travel from Canada to Europe for a 3 days vacations like this?
Other things he told us: -Held one of our Lab assistant by the collar and chocked him because of how he spoke to him -Saw his girlfriend's Ex at an intersection, stopped his car, proceed to beat the fuck out of the guy for no reason & drove off -He wanted his father to deliver us some McDonald's by helicopter while we were on a camping trip for Phys Ed -He used to train at a MMA fighting center where they were trained to not feel pain by hitting their shinbone on some concrete plates
Every story we told, he had something unbelievable to beat our stories. It didn't take long we all knew he was full of bullshit. It never did any sense
Mattnami · 1 points · Posted at 15:22:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So there is a guy I used to be friends with, let's call him Billy, he tried to convince me and my friends that he went to military school in Uzbekistan while in middle school, and that in 4th and 5th grade he learned topics like calc and chemistry meanwhile in highschool he was failing most of them.
polaus2 · 1 points · Posted at 15:22:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I go to university with this asian guy who tells everyone that he was born in Australia. Supposedly he moved here when he was 8 or so. He puts on his best Aussie accent for exactly one word -- can't, which comes out as a mangled version of the c-word. Everyone around him is totally sold on this identity -- except for me. See, the problem is, I went to high school with this guy, AND his twin brother. Who was born in China... and has never been to Australia, and once assured me that his brother never has either.
I don't understand his end game here. No SO he ever gets can meet his family, because they would blow his cover. No friend can ever meet his brother, because the cover would be blown. At any point, I could blow his cover, but I mostly keep it to myself because I find it incredibly entertaining.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 15:22:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
What if some the people in this thread are compulsive liars, who are lying about having had lies told to them? This undeserved skepticism adds a whole new dimension to the top comments on here.
rickbum · 1 points · Posted at 15:24:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This kid said he bought the new mustang. But didnt like how it drove so he returned and drove his shitty civic
Simulated_Rib_Lover · 1 points · Posted at 15:26:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had an ex lie to me for 3 months about being pregnant. Stuck out her belly to look pregnant, made up fake dr. appointments, and told me the baby was craving Chinese food. Also told me that she helped write a popular country song for that year. She was crazy. Don't stick your anything in crazy.
Ps. I hate country music
nateonsideways · 1 points · Posted at 15:26:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This guy I used to work with was the most ridiculous liar I've ever spent time with. He was a nice enough guy, pleasant to be around, but any time he would start telling stories I learned to just roll my eyes and play along because the less questions I asked, the less bullshit he would spout.
Some background about him: he was overweight. He would come in and eat Chef Boyardee for breakfast; sometimes he'd change it up and have barbecue chicken nuggets. He smelled like BO on top of making the office smell. He wasn't that great looking. But when he wasn't lying he was alright; he would actually listen pretty well when he wasn't dishing out shit.
He came in one day telling me how much he didn't want to be at work. I asked why, and he said because he was tired. I didn't really ask for further information but he said "yeah, I was up all last night with my girlfriend, so I'm pretty tired."
Again, I didn't ask for more info, he just offered.
"We were fucking all night. Man, sometimes I wish she'd just lay off! It gets too tiring!"
Sure, I thought. But again, I didn't ask for more info.
"Yeah, and she didn't want me to leave. She was begging me to stay."
Then he proceeded to show me a couple pictures of her, half naked on his bed, but they were obviously different pictures from different bedrooms and different girls that he grabbed off of The Chive.
Thecrazymoroccan · 1 points · Posted at 15:27:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That his father worked at bungie studios developing Halo, after having retired from the GROM, Polish SpecOps unit, and that he lived in America. His dad was actually in prison. Come to think of it, he wasn't a compulsive liar as much as a kid just wanting acceptance.
Thriillhouse · 1 points · Posted at 15:28:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
At about the age of 7, I was friends with this kid Gary who was perfectly fine and normal. We ended up going to different middle schools and eventually lost contact but about 9 years later we end up going to the same college. Something during those 9 years changed the guy into one of the biggest bullshitters I've ever met. He claimed to always have been the biggest Nirvana fan ever and had seen the band play live when he was 7 (forgetting that I knew him at that point in his life and he never once mentioned Nirvana, nor had any of their CD's in his house). But the best one had to be when I was expecting him to come over to my house one afternoon -h e ended up being an hour late turning up. When I asked him why he was late he said, completely seriously "Yeah sorry dude, I got jumped on by 4 black guys on the way here...I had to fight them all off". Not only did he live approximately 3 minutes walking distance from my house, we lived in the English countryside in the middle of nowhere. I'm pretty sure there has never been one black dude in our village let alone four.
SquidLoaf · 1 points · Posted at 15:28:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A kid I used to work with told everyone he was an ex sniper for the army. He even made up all these honors that he supposedly had.
I'm almost positive that he wasn't even 18 and didn't have his drivers license because he always claimed that he drove his motorcycle to work but didn't park in our lot because it would get dinged up.
Coldovia · 1 points · Posted at 15:30:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Girl in high school told us her aunt owned the Arizona Diamondbacks, even though we looked up the owner, and it definitely wasn't her aunt.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 15:31:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
We have no way of knowing whether or not every one of these stories were made by pathological liars trying to get karma.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 15:31:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I could write an Essay with all the lies one friend told me but I'll just write 4:
When we were 10 he told everyone at school he had terminal lung cancer from smoking, everyone had forgot about it after a few weeks but when I asked him he said it had cleared up, the doctors said it was a miracle...
When we were 11 he told people that he was making a GTA game, based on the little town that we are from and all of his friends are going to be in it.
When we were 13 he got told off by his parents, so he told me he has an uncle who is a billionaire and he was going to go and live with him in a mansion in America.
And finally, when he was 21... (yes 21 and he still making shit up). I ran into him in a supermarket while he was shopping, he told me he owned a nightclub and had a 'supermodel' girlfriend. Truth was he had an okay looking girlfriend but he didn't own a nightclub, he actually worked in the supermarket that we were in.
YaBoyDaveee · 1 points · Posted at 15:32:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
this kid told me that he once set up a cock fighting match in his basement and made $1000 dollars in one night. and also he supposedly rode the bizarro "big ass roller coaster" and he fell off at the top and landed back into the ride at the bottom lmao.
tupper134 · 1 points · Posted at 15:32:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Girls and money braggers...hate these guys. Avoiding them as much as possible but they find a way to tell you their newest bullshit story
FreyaWho8 · 1 points · Posted at 15:32:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
On elementary school I had a classmate who swore she was Sarah Michelle Gellar's cousin, also she told us that her watch (a pink and silver wrist watch with glitter hears) was a gift from Freddie Prince Jr. because SMG considered this girl like a little sister.
Yeah, whatever.
Edit: Spelling.
Pugl · 1 points · Posted at 15:32:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have a cousin that lies literally all the time. At this point it is just fucking hilarious to me. Here are some of his lies that are simply implausible:
-He had a million dollars in the bank that he made while street racing at the age of 16, while he was still working at McDonalds
-The guy that put him on to street racing just up and gave him a "Tricked out $50k racing car that [he] had to get rid of or [he]'d get in trouble"
-One of his dentists sharpened his teeth to the point where he could not eat fast or much at all (I think this was his excuse as to why he was so skinny at the time)
-We went on a camp trip once and decided to go kayaking while we were there. I lost him for 5 minutes and what happened to him was amazing: "Some guy flipped my kayak over and when he did a random girl came up and told him to fuck off" When I asked him if he got her number he simply said "Dude I fucked her"
Many, many more.
Personalphilosophie · 1 points · Posted at 15:33:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Late to the party, but oh well. In first grade I sat next to this kid,(whose name shall not be revealed due to the 97% probability that he has a reddit account) and he had some real whoppers. For instance, he was part wolverine. Not through any normal parental wolverine-ish-ness, but because he had drunk from a water fountain that a wolverine had drunk from. When I pointed out that his story was bullshit, he told me I couldn't say that until I had drunk from a wolverine-infested fountain and NOT become one. This same kid also liked to pick his nose and eat the boogers. I called him out on it, and was then informed of my grievous error. The image before me was a hologram, not him actually picking his nose. I pointed out that meant he had to have picked his nose at some point to record it, and was promptly told to shut my face. There were many other stories I could tell you about him, and the MLP-loving neckbeard he is today, but I fear for my life already.
Grimsterr · 1 points · Posted at 15:33:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh dear lord. My mother in law. I've forgotten so many of them because with her, the game isn't to catch her in a lie, it's to catch her telling the complete and unvarnished truth! Let's go with my first ever full on, caught her in the act, no doubt about it, lie.
TLDR: Lied about being at work when her car had not left the house all day.
Started dating my wife the day she turned 17, at that time I drove delivery for Domino's and I would have deliveries take me by her house sometimes 10 or 12 times per day. Not stalker shit, just the fact they lived 1 house away from the corner of a busy road.
On this particular day, probably less than a week after we started dating, I'd drove by, saw her mom's car in the driveway about 9:30 on my way to work to open the store. During the day I drove by at least a dozen times delivering pizzas, car never moved. Got off of work after the after lunch cleanup (about 3pm) and went straight to my girl's house, rang the doorbell and I hear "Just a minute, I just got home from work and I'm changing my clothes, be right there".
Da fuck, no you didn't, she was really changing out of her pajamas so I wouldn't see she'd not done shit all day. Frankly it wasn't any of my business, but whatever. It was only the first of uncounted number of small, medium, and LARGE lies I'd hear out of her in the following 25 years.
So glad my wife takes after her dad.
obsessedwithhippos · 1 points · Posted at 15:34:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he is part of a special military unit that guards the president's family but its not the secret service. His time as special ops in Iraq but when questioned by other vets about where he was he gives the if I told you I'd have to kill you answer. He's aware of special capabilities of various military equipment that unknown to 99% of the rest of the military. While I was not in the military myself I do know a little about it and know that he is really just a mechanic, so I nod my head and say "Wow!!! You're a real life GI Joe!" just so I can hear what his next amazing adventure is.
tayjax · 1 points · Posted at 15:34:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He could jump out of the hotel window into the pool because he "used to be a high diver."
He once tied a guy in a chair and beat his knuckles with a hammer because he owed him money for drugs... he included a ridiculous nickname that "everyone called him" but I can't remember now: "Knuckles something or other"... feel free to make up your own.
NoOneMournsTheWicked · 1 points · Posted at 15:34:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've known a few compulsive liars, here are the best:
My mom told me when I was a kid (she was in and out of my life) that she had been buying my siblings and I birthday and Christmas presents since we were babies but had donated them all to an orphanage the week before she contacted us.
My brother used to spread around school that my sister sprinkled Meth all over his food after he failed a drug test. He also took his bb gun out in the back yard one time and shot a bunch of my dads stuff breaking it. He told my dad he saw a guy dressed in blue with blue rags hanging out of his pocket with a gun in the woods behind our house and he shot everything. Cops came and everything, debunked my brothers story completely.
Not_shia_labeouf · 1 points · Posted at 15:34:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Oh boy oh boy, my time to shine. This'll be long and I'm no writer so potentially not that interesting, but I can go on all day long.
So let's call this kid Derrick. Derrick and I met when we were about 8 years old, and almost immediately all of my friends knew there was something off about this guy. He would just lie about shit. Stupid, meaningless shit. And he was BAD at it.
It started out benign enough. If you asked if Derrick had seen a movie, he would always say he had. If he in fact had not seen the movie, he would just say he didn't remember anything about it, except maybe a part of the trailer if the movie was recent enough. One time, another friend and I literally made up a plot line to an episode of South Park, and sure enough, Derrick had seen it. When we broke it to him that the episode did not in fact exist, Derrick said - and I shit you not - "There are these fan made episodes online, and that was the plot for one of them". Seriously. can you imagine the coincidence?
Fast forward to around modern day (Derrick and I are both currently 19) and the lies became a bit more obnoxious. Some of the more recent lies he's told include:
Once while driving on the highway with his dad, he claimed another car flipped over their car entirely, and exploded in a fireball on the opposite side of them where it started. No explanation as to how it got that airborne.
Claimed to have pulled off one of those insane jet ejection sniper kill land back in the jet moves you see from Battlefield on reddit. Keep in mind this kid plays on Xbox one and records every decent kill he gets, yet somehow forgot to record that one.
After he lost his job, his parents told him to go apply for a job at a local coffee shop. He claimed to them that they were in fact not hiring. He got called the fuck out when his parents literally drove up to the shop and took a picture of the colossal "NOW HIRING" sign out front.
Sold my $200 airsoft gun after he asked to borrow it. Continues to claim he never sold it, and after like 6 months of me demanding pictures proving he still had it (I was out of town for a while) he eventually just told me his parents took it (but not HIS airsoft gun, yeah ok). I did make him pay me $200 so it's alright. I'm happier with the money.
I'm sure I could add to this list but these are just off the top of my head and I just woke up. I may add more.
Let's talk about girls. He dated this girl (let's call her Jess) for like 2 years. A true high school sweetheart. Except over the course of two years, he would claim periodically that they were broken up (fun fact: according to her their relationship was continuous) and go after other girls. So basically he just attempted to cheat, never very successfully - unless you asked him about his success with girls. He claimed to have gotten laid by like 3 or 4 different girls, all of whom I knew. When I asked them about their relationship with him, the answer was almost verbatim each time. "We never had a relationship, he started hitting on me but I know he's really still with Jess so nothing happened". Or in once instance, "Derrick creeps me the fuck out, no way".
So after Jess and him split pretty roughly, he gets another girlfriend (Calling her Stacy, cause her mom has got it going on). Currently, the day I am typing this, he is still with Stacy (according to her, but not according to him), but is hitting on (unsuccessfully) 4 girls, including my girlfriend. He told another mutual friend that my gf said she loves him. He even told my gf that he thinks she likes him more (she can't stand him) and we're thinking he sees it as a competition. Also fun fact, before this girl and I started dating he told me in confidence that he was not attracted to her in the slightest, using much harsher words than j have written here.
TL:DR Pathological liar, sociopath, and idiot thinks he gets away with tons of shit, fails to realize most people aren't stupid. If you want a quick read just read the list I wrote about halfway.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 15:35:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend insisted that he paid off his mothers house (this was when we were 20) While he was working at JC penny's for less than 10$ an hour. pretty moronic claim.
maico3010 · 1 points · Posted at 15:36:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One of my bosses is bad about this, sometimes he starts telling customers his bs and I just have to roll my eyes at his bullshit. A few things he's supposedly done, he's about 29-30 btw.
Used to hack ATMs to steal money. Eventually got caught but didn't go to jail, instead they sent him to some cabin in the woods to do some hacking stuff for the military. Don't ask where it is, he was blind folded. When he got there there were just a bunch of other nerds but he was like the alpha nerd cuz of his muscles. After 6 months they just let him go and he went on to do shit tons of online courses and has like 2 masters and 16 regular degrees or something, not that anyone has seen any proof of these.
He's even told us things to get out of coming to the job he partially owns like his mother had an incident and had to get her leg amputated, only to have her walk into the store both legs intact about 2 weeks later. Or the fact that his office is always suspiciously clean every time he manages to call in sick.
But he manages to do his job well enough, it's just irritating when he brings up this kind of total bullshit.
moonriver5 · 1 points · Posted at 15:37:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oooh! I can play. My mom is a compulsive liar. There are MANY to choose from. But these are my favorites among the ones she tells most frequently:
Good old mom. Always good for a tall tale.
curzpemmel · 1 points · Posted at 15:38:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend claimed that he followed trucks around that looked that they had a tire that was about to pop. He would then record the mile number and highway name that the tire would come off and call the company that owned the vehicle and fraudulently claim damage on his personal vehicle and ask for compensation. According to him, he did this for an entire summer and made tens of thousands of dollars.
GilThielander · 1 points · Posted at 15:38:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Driving through the mall parking lot, I slow down for a mall stop sign. He says, "You don't have to stop at these, since they have a white outline on them."
AdelePhytler · 1 points · Posted at 15:40:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I seem to attract these types. Maybe I'm a good listener? I'll just give u a rundown:
A ten year old girl told me: She got her first period at 6 y/o, and her 2 y/o sister was actually her daughter, and that's why she moved to our town.
A 17 year old boy told me : He was a psychic, but couldn't tell me anything about the future because every time he used his powers, he got debilitating migraines. The basic " I'm a super soldier fighting machine, the smartest and most important person in the world" little boy fantasies. It was actually kind of sad, I'm pretty sure this guy was slow in some way.
The most recent is this woman I just started hanging out with. She's in her mid 40's. She has a severe case of one-upmanship: if anyone mentions something, she's done it before. She's had basically every job there is. She will get dressed up in scrubs, and say she picked up some nursing shifts, but never leave the house. Her Dad is a hells angels grand poobah. She was beaten up by an old bf, thrown over a bridge, losing the twins she was pregnant with. She's been a stripper, escort, and Madame. She knows everyone you know, intimately. She was having some guy trouble the other day, and was in a bad mood. She started crying, and while I was comforting her, she told me she wasn't crying over buddy, she was crying because her cancer has come back, and its terminal. She also is every race out there, has a native name given to her by some important elder, and is psychic. Apparently the tribe uses her as some type of spirit hunter.
It's just exhausting. How do you react to that shit? I just inset appropriate reaction here when she tells me anything. How am I supposed to know what is true and what isn't? I'm not going to go digging through her past. I'm just slowly pulling away. I've got enough crazy in my life, thank you.
JitGoinHam · 1 points · Posted at 15:40:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He said his uncle worked for Hasbro and at his dad's house he had a prototype of the unreleased Autobot space ship/base. It was supposedly full scale to the Transformers action figures, and would close up and you could embed it into the side of a big plastic mountain.
This was 1985. I still haven't gotten over the deception.
Head-Case · 1 points · Posted at 15:40:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
An ex-boyfriend tried to tell me he was a captain in the Marine Core, he was a sniper with a Barrett .50 and an M4, every night, a helicopter would swing by to get him around 11:00 or so at night, then take him to Arizona and a place called Area 62, then from there, they'd go to Afghanistan via F16's to kick terrorist ass.
He was 14, asthmatic, with 5/8 vision.
demoncupcakes · 1 points · Posted at 15:41:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That her boyfriend's parents were going to adopt her and they would get married. She was 15 at the time.
CrazyWhirlygig · 1 points · Posted at 15:42:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know this guy who swears up and down that the following things have happened to him:
He was on a rollercoaster and he was wearing a baseball cap. When the coaster went through a loop, the cap fell off of his head. When the coaster got the bottom to the loop, it magically landed RIGHT ON HIS HEAD!
That same day, at that same amusement park, there was a family on one of those swing rides. Someone had a baby on it, like a one year old. The baby fell! Oh my god! But, luckily, this guy was there to catch the baby.
When he was in third grade, Tiger Woods was in the area for a PGA tour thing, and knocked on the door at his house to because he needed to use the bathroom. He got along with the family so well, that he cancelled his hotel room and spent the weekend.
....Seriously. This guy swears this stuff has happened.
mlucas_12 · 1 points · Posted at 15:42:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I met a guy this past year, Chris.
It was my second year in college, and he was my suitemate. I had a roommate, he had a roommate, and we all shared a common area and a bathroom in the middle. I moved in my stuff before I was ready to actually move in for good, and since I only live 50 minutes away from school, it was no big deal. My dad and I took most of my stuff the weekend before classes began. I saw that my roommate had already moved in, and I see that the suitemates have settled in as well. I also noticed a black guy with a good sized afro/flattop/Mohawk with red coloring in the middle. No big deal, just a little different. This was Chris. I spoke to Chris’ roommate’s mother because she started asking me questions like “What year are you? How did you like it last year? What’s your major?” Stuff like that. I got through all this and left, just a normal day.
When I moved in for good, everyone in the suite hung out in the common area trying to get to know one another. Then my roommate decided he wanted to watch a movie so we moved into our room since he had his XBOX 360 set up to his 32 or so inch TV. As we were sitting here watching the movie, we were also trying to get to know one another. I don’t remember what everyone else said, but I certainly remember the things that came out of Chris’s mouth.
The first thing that caught my attention was when he said he had a black belt in some kind of martial arts I had never heard of before. I’m not into martial arts like that, so I figured maybe it was just less commonly known. I asked more about his martial arts experience. He said it was developed by Bruce Lee and whatever else he could think of to talk it up as much as possible. I was intrigued. And since he was also a black belt in Wing Chun, or whatever he said it was called, I asked how long it took for him to get a black belt in it. Once again, I’m no martial artist, but he said, “Eh, a few months.” And I was like, “Wow. That’s kinda quick no? Where did you learn?” Expecting him to name a school, I was surprised to hear that he learned it all from a friend.
His story was already fishy, but add in the fact that him and I were around the same height (5’6”) and he’s about twice my weight (120ish vs 220 I think I heard him say). I’m not saying that he couldn’t do it because of his weight, but he was extremely out of shape. I’ve seen bigger people that can move. He didn’t seem like one of them.
Later on I learned that he wrestled in high school. I knew a guy from my first year that went to a high school in the same city as Chris, and he later confirmed for me that the high school didn’t even have a wrestling program. Add in the fact that he told us he was a State wrestling champion. And the three of us played along like we believed him. Eventually he got into my conversations about working out. I’m trying to bulk up a little as I only weight 120lbs or so (I’m up to 127, but everyone tells me I look like I weigh much more). He talked about how he could squat 300 lbs for reps easy, and he loved watching people in the gym struggle. He also said he doesn’t really like lifting, which is weird, considering wrestlers kinda need to do that to be competitive. For whatever reason, I made the mistake of inviting him to go to the gym with me. We did not squat, but we did bench. I was benching 135 lbs trying to get up in the 5 rep range. I figured he would need much more weight considering his credentials, and his size, but he insisted that he would lift the same. I’m sure you’re not surprised by this, but he struggled like the hypothetical person he was laughing at just a few days ago. I never went to the gym with that guy again, and I haven’t even told you the reason why. It’s the biggest issue I the rest of the suite had with him. But that will come after this next lie.
This guy said he was AWAL from the Marines. Once again, I’m no expert in this category, but my dad did retire from the US Army so I was kinda familiar the US military. He talked about how people were looking for him since he left. I never got into the reason why, but I was shocked to hear that he was AWAL from the Marines at the young age of 17. I tried to get an explanation as to how that would happen considering you need to be 18 to enlist (at least that’s what I thought) and I got no clear explanation. But when I asked him about basic training, I got some good stuff. First I wanted to know where his basic was. My dad can tell you where he’s been and the names of the bases. Chris didn’t even know the geographical area in which he attended basic training. I asked him about the guns, and I was just looking for “Oh yeah, M-16 and M-9”, and then whatever those big guns the military uses are called [M-240?](I don’t wanna look it up or I may get distracted). But this guy says, “Oh yeah, we had uzis and mp5s. But my favorite part was the sniper training… yadda yadda yadda I wasn’t very good at the sniper part, I only hit 3 out of 5 targets (or something stupid like that). I told all this to my dad, and he also knew the biggest lie that I have yet to tell you. He told me, there’s no way. Not saying that I believed him, but there’s always a chance right?
Throughout the first few weeks of the school year, I became friends with Chris’ roommate. We hung out quite a bit, and talked about stuff. One day I couldn’t ignore a problem that slowly crept up on us. I asked him, “Hey man, have you noticed that Chris smells?” And he perked up and excitedly responded, “Yes! I thought I was the only one. He smelt bad the first day.” I didn’t notice at the beginning, but I certainly noticed the second week. I used to hang out in their room and talk about WWE. Now I left my door and their door closed. I told his roommate, we need to talk to him about that. After asking my roommate, he agreed that yes, we needed to talk to him about the smell because it was suffocatingly strong in his room. His roommate sprayed air freshener every time Chris walked out and he stayed at home Thursday to Monday to get out of there.
The three of us normal smelling human beings figured that he hadn’t showered since we never saw him go into the shower. I thought, maybe he can’t afford soap because nobody would want to smell like that. Especially since his body count was up in the double digits by now which I forgot to mention. After thinking, I said, there’s no way he can’t afford soap. He has a PS4, PS camera, and 40+ inch Sony TV in his room. He just doesn’t shower. So maybe if we talk to him, he’ll start.
We decided to have a group intervention with Chris and we would all have the courage to say what needed to be said with the support of one another. The day came when us three were in the common room and Chris was playing his PS4 as usual. I was eating a footlong from Subway mentally preparing myself for what was to come. I had 3 inches left when Chris opened the door and filled the room with his aroma. I immediately got up and walked out to the safety of my own room to finish my sandwich before returning to go through with the plan. We were sitting shoulder to shoulder on a couch. Chris was standing in front of us to the left behind a chair (idk why he wasn’t just sitting in it, but I’m glad he wasn’t). I looked at them and said, “Now’s as good a time as ever” and they both stared blankly ahead.
Ok, I guess I have to do this myself, thanks guys. I turned to Chris and said, “Alright Chris, we need to tell you something. I’m sure you know what this is about.” “No, what’s up.” “Well… Hmm… Are you familiar with Spongebob?” “Yeah.” “You’ve seen that episode when Spongebob ate something and his breath was smelly and he was scaring everybody away when he talked to them. And Patrick convinced him that he was ugly so Spongebob thought everyone was afraid of him because he was ugly but in the end Patrick ate the same thing and started scaring everyone with his bath breath which convinced Patrick that he was ugly too. You know what I’m talking about?” “Yeah.” “Well you’re Spongebob, and you’re ugly.” He looked like a giant who had been hit by a rather large rock. He kinda fell back then tried to recover his expression of hurt feelings. Now his roommate comes out of nowhere with “Yeah man, if you could just shower every once in a while, that’d be great.” The response from Chris was not one I was expecting. He says, “Well, you know, I do shower, every morning after I run. (5’6” 220+ high body fat percentage, and we never noticed him leaving to run) It’s just hard for me because I sweat a lot, I have a skin condition and since I run, that makes it worse, but yeah, I shower before you guys wake up in the morning.” My roommate plays on the school baseball team and he’s always up early. His roommate had an 8:00 class every other day. I find it hard to believe that he could sneak in past both of them without being seen once with a towel, soap, or washcloth. But as usual, I went along with it. Eventually I got moved out of my room because of an unrelated issue. I still had to walk past the room, and as time went on, the smell started to seep into the hallway. It got to the point that every time I walked through I would hold my breath, and I heard many people walk past saying, “Wow, this dorm smells” or “What in the world happened to the carpet?” I never had the heart to tell anyone that the smell came from a living person.
TLDR: Suitemate is in the marines, or was, is a blackbelt, state champ wrestler, and he showers every morning after his run.
in00tj · 1 points · Posted at 15:43:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
working in it I get a lot of "I used to be an it guy/girl, but forgot everything" while I am giving tech support.
One former member of our sales team (who used to be an i.t person) told me a tall tale about how he once got a "cisco virus", and spent all day reversing the source code because it was the only way to remove it...
I asked what kind of cisco devices he runs at home, he said he didn't, cisco was the type of virus...
penguinoid · 1 points · Posted at 15:43:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend who was a compulsive liar in middle school. It wasn't as insane as some of the stories here though. As a matter of fact, he got away with it for a while because they were all on the edge of believable and were mostly unverifiable.
Although we always suspected, we realized the truth the day he insisted that halo 1 had a 64 player multiplayer....
Ghostwistful · 1 points · Posted at 15:44:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A woman who continually told people she had been Miss America 1992...we just let her talk.
AichSmize · 1 points · Posted at 15:44:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a guy in high school who was a compulsive liar. Some of the lies he told:
He was a black belt in (something) and practiced with nunchucks for hours every day. No surprise, no one had ever seen his nunchucks, and they were always somewhere else when we asked about them.
He claimed he had a stack of Elvis records two feet high, given to him by Elvis himself, which were made out of solid gold. Nope, we couldn't see them, they were "in storage" or "in the attic".
He said there was a 50,000 (yes, fifty thousand) watt pirate radio station in a friends's backyard. No, he didn't know the frequency. No, we couldn't tune in, they were "down for maintenance" right then.
He said he was best friends with members of the band Rush, and could get backstage passes to any of their shows. Rush later came through our area. For some reason, he was unable to get backstage passes, or even tickets.
Years later he called me up, claiming he owned multiple businesses, traveled all over the world, had five mansions and a fleet of cars. I didn't even bother asking to see it, just nodded "uh huh" and "that's nice" until I had to go.
If he told me water was wet, I'd seek independent verification because it's probably not true.
Neurotic_Neurologist · 1 points · Posted at 15:44:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"Yeah I have a 5 PentaByte hard-drive on my PC!"
The-red-Dane · 1 points · Posted at 15:44:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Guy who I considered an acquaintance wouldn't shut up about his band that he was doing vocals for, and how great they were. Finally I asked him to give some proof, gave me his "bands" "demo CD", it was literally the demo numbers from Cradle of Filth, not even pitch changed or anything. It was so obvious that he was lying, eventually he just stopped talking about the so called "band".
TargetQ2 · 1 points · Posted at 15:45:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I broke the end of my femur (bone) when I was ~19 in a freak accident. While I was laying on the ground trying to figure out what happened, I tried to get my leg to move, but it wasn't reacting to my brains commands. It was pretty weird.
So when my cousin's friend tried to tell me that he broke the middle of his femur while skiing (hit a patch of ice and slammed into a tree), and then skied down to the lodge, I called BS. He swore it was true but, afaik, breaking your femur can kill you. I never hung out with that guy again...
CakeByThe0cean · 1 points · Posted at 15:46:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh loads. That he was rich, he was essentially the trust holder to a baby's fortune from where the child's parents had died in a car accident. I'm not sure how that made him rich if he was the trust holder, but okay.
He received a soccer scholarship to another school that he got by lying about both of his torn ACLs. Unsurprisingly, he never transferred.
He could apparently bench press 400lbs. This dude was like 5' 9", out of shape and weighed around 180-200lbs.
He told his family (and his current girlfriend???) that he and I had dated and that's why he spent so much time at my house, because apparently he couldn't have a female friend.
Oh my god, I ran into him at the local hookah bar like 6 months after I stopped talking to him and he showed me this huge wall of text in his iPhone notes telling a story about how he'd saved a girl from getting raped over the weekend. At the time, I assumed he'd written it down because the hookah bar was loud but no that shit was pre written.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 15:47:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
An ex-boyfriend repeatedly told me a story about how he'd got the 7th highest results in the country (UK) on his SATs. He said his photo and an article about how brainy he is were published in the local newspaper. Well, I found this hard to believe as he wasn't very intelligent at all. When I eventually met his mother, I asked her about this. You'd think if your son had got the 7th highest exam marks in the country and been featured in the newspaper, you'd remember it. Maybe even have kept the newspaper clipping. But no. His mother had no idea what I was talking about and said it had never happened.
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 18:26:21 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
You fucked him so I guess you're the dumb one, eh?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:29:16 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
What makes you think I "fucked" him? Looks like you're the dumb and slutty one if you fuck everyone you date.
Ihura · 1 points · Posted at 15:48:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dude I knew in high school, says he's a trained CIA operative with the highest security clearance possible(which is how he knows chem trails are real( he also can't wait till he's a millionaire again! so he can feed the homeless and have sex with strippers with his 11 3/4 inch cock.
Eliju · 1 points · Posted at 15:48:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My ex told everyone at my friends one night that she had SIDS as a child. Also that she was struck by lightning.
BillysBeefFlaps · 1 points · Posted at 15:48:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I can kind of believe the giant shit, because I've been in the bathroom after my brother a few times and there has been a shit nearly as long as my arm just chilling in the toilet.
Never shouted "Shit devil! Shit devil!" though, so overall the experience was about a -1/10
rylos · 1 points · Posted at 15:48:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In my town they had an entire drug dealer investigation hinge on the words of a known compulsive liar. Compulsive, as in, if you asked him what time it was, he'd look at his watch, then tell you whatever time popped into his head. I'd run into this guy a few times. If I was on a jury, and he was the witness, I'd assume that whatever went down was anything BUT what he stated.
He did everything he could to keep from actually showing up in court to testify, finally skipped town. There are several articles about it, here's one (scroll down to "35 ARRESTED DESPITE BUMBLING WAYS OF INFORMANT"): http://www.fear.org/guilty4.html
Intyale · 1 points · Posted at 15:49:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My roomate who was my ex's best friend didn't have a job, never left his room, and owed us three months rent. He magically announced he was getting a engagement ring for his gf immediately after I showed him the small necklace my ex got me for my birthday. He said had one more payment to make on it.
He went back into his room after we bitched him out about not paying us and came back out about 20 mins and said he returned the ring and had to give the money to his cousin that was dying of cancer.
How he magically managed to do this in a bedroom without leaving, a phone, nor internet is beyond me.
TheLikeGuys3 · 1 points · Posted at 15:49:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My sister, 17-years-old, and lies about e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.
The most memorable would be the time (2010) my grandmother (legal guardian) assigned her and my other siblings to clean out the van, and entrusted her with the keys. Instead of actually cleaning the car, they snuck off to a friends house, and my sister actually left the doors and trunk wide open with the car keys in the front seat, plain as day.
I hurriedly locked up the car and told my grandmother, who called the friend's house and adamantly demanded to speak to my sister. She asked her why she absconded and left the car open with the keys in there, and she denied it. My grandmother asked her if she had the car keys with her, and she said yes. She asked why she was lying, she replied "I'm not lying! I have the car keys right here! I'm looking at them right now, I have the car keys!" Keep in mind that I had the car keys in my hand at home the whole time. Once she arrived home, my grandmother made her stand in the living room until she admitted that she left the keys in the car and the car completely open and abandoned. She refused to admit and maintained that she had the keys even though she was unable to produce them. After about 3 hours, I grew tired of the charade and showed that we knew she was lying because I had the keys.
Even then, she still tried to evade responsibility.
GrooveMasterFunk · 1 points · Posted at 15:50:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One of the managers at work was a police officer who worked in two cities thousands of miles away from each other, was shot 4 times and makes 75k a year off of being medically retired. He's also got a bachelor's degree in business management, was a firefighter, is a professional level chef who was personally trained by Gordon Ramsey. And was in the military. And works on over a thousand cars a month. While working full time at an auto parts store.
YoYoFantaFanta · 1 points · Posted at 15:50:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There was one dude at my camp, and he was interesting
-Claimed to be a hermaphrodite, but had no clue about how the female reproductive system worked at all
-Claimed to be a martial arts master and to have gouged out a kid's eyes in third grade
-Claimed that his mother worked at Area 51 and was such a good liar that she could convince world leaders to start a nuclear war
-Claimed that he knew government secrets but would have to kill you if he told you
-Claimed to have a cousin whose mouth was split into 4 sections
-Claimed to be a genius who got 8 scholarships to Yale and Harvard for biology in 7th Grade and that the headmasters fought over who would get him
MsLino · 1 points · Posted at 15:50:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A classmate told us that her neighbours won the lottery, got super rich and bought iTunes cards with all the money they won. They always give her some so she can buy many things on iTunes. I pitied that girl
funtimerror · 1 points · Posted at 15:51:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend that I met right after I got home after basic training and AIT. I was a complete idiot and idolized this guy for a summer (I was 18). He was a trained army infantry sniper who had eye issues and was recovering back at home and was going to go back as soon as he was better. At his basic training they put everyone in a bus and shot CS gas canisters at them. Many many more I can't remember now because it's been so long, the guy was complete horseshit and my highschool crush was so into him. Fuck that guy.
FishDicksGayFish · 1 points · Posted at 15:51:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He told me that Pixar attempted to recruit him directly out of high school because he was an animation prodigy. They offered him $200,000 a year directly out of high school, but he wanted to "further his education" and went to college instead.
all1son24 · 1 points · Posted at 15:51:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My room mate from freshman year was a compulsive and pathological liar, and claimed to be of Hungarian and German ancestry. She told me that during WWII, the Hungarian side of her family had to flee from Europe to America because they would face certain death at the hands of the German side of her family, who wanted to kill the Hungarian family members because - get this - they were not blonde enough.
hawkman561 · 1 points · Posted at 15:51:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Claimed he had a 4,8 gpa in high school, well beyond the cutoff for top 5%. He didn't make the 5% wall.
meatandthree · 1 points · Posted at 15:53:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I girl I was talking to in college told me early in the courtship that she had stomach cancer. She told me one day that she had a chemo treatment that afternoon and could not make our planned lunch together. I went out that evening and bumped into her at as she was crushing cocktails. I walked out baffled and horrified that she had duped me with such a disturbing lie. Spoke to a few other friends that had known her and all had similar stories on equally crazy lies.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 15:53:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
She told me she was actually Russian and that she had been adopted. Her parents had a scrapbook of pictures right after she was born, including her mom's hospital wristband dated with her birthday.
theongoingsaga · 1 points · Posted at 15:53:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Too bad I'm kind of late because I've known a couple of people that have provided an endless amount of crazy obvious lies.
1st person: She was a high-end hooker that happened to be my neighbor. We didn't know she was a hooker at first but it became pretty obvious after a while. I was in college at the time living in an affordable studio apartment and the hooker had a 1 bedroom. Despite this, she told us that she was actually married to a millionaire and that she had this apartment to "get away" and have her private space. All her clothes, bags, etc. were branded. When she had money she threw it around on her bed. She was actually nice so my friends and I put up with the lies- especially since she would take us all out to dinner and would randomly buy us things. We were college kids and here was this woman who took us to expensive restaurants claiming her husband owned them... and she often knew the managers and knew the menus by heart. The weird thing was that she was able to prove some of her lies. lol But she also told us that her parents were friends with Oprah and she had all sorts of stories about playing golf with Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman. She said her husband didn't want her to drive so she had a driver... and lo and behold she had a driver! My guess is that she was a mistress to someone and he let her borrow his driver sometimes. She would take us places in that car and point at random houses or apartments claiming it was her property. There were SO MANY STORIES. I began calling it the "hername Syndrome" and anyone I meet that make up grand lies I refer to as having that syndrome. There are funnier stories but I'm late to this so it wont be seen. Maybe next time.
Another woman is a current neighbor. She is so good at lying that she ended up on a local main news channel featuring her and all her lies. Things were either not true or grossly exaggerated. She was claiming all sorts of things and the news station just accepted all of this as truth. She would also lie about the most random things like, "I bought these candle holders in New York and it was such a hassle bringing them back here!" when there were stickers at the bottom that showed they were made locally (Asian country).
RocketPawnch · 1 points · Posted at 15:54:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A long time ago a co-worker told me he was a black belt in 20 martial arts and was proficient with seven unique weapons.
kush_in_my_butt_69 · 1 points · Posted at 15:55:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
my friend told me he was born with his ear piercing when I asked where he recommends I should get mine. funniest shit to laugh about with my best friend
rocknroe_v_wade · 1 points · Posted at 15:55:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One kid said that his friend from his old school stole a gun and shot 5 people. I asked where and where. He said last spring in Denver. Absolutely no news, nothing about a mass shooting in Denver during that time period.
Mastermiz · 1 points · Posted at 15:56:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy I knew tried to make me believe he would have sex with a different girl every night sense he was 15.... lol...
CantFindMyWallet · 1 points · Posted at 15:57:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Probably too late for this, but a guy I knew my freshman year of college had a few pretty incredible whoppers. I don't remember his actual name, but we all called him 'Sketch,' because he was sketchy as hell.
When Sketch was 4 years old, he was playing (in the street, apparently) and was hit by two cars at once. Apparently they had a head-on collision and he was pinned in between the cars. His leg was 'shattered,' and would never work again. Obviously he went to the ER, and was given the following three options:
1) Amputation 2) Nothing. The doctors would just leave it, and he'd have (his words) "a Jell-o leg" for the rest of his life. 3) Fly to London to meet a specialist. The specialist will remove his shattered bones and build him a titanium leg. Which is what he did. AND, the titanium leg had perfect hydraulics and could grow with the rest of his body.
Imbillpardy · 1 points · Posted at 15:57:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a buddy that lied to all of our friends like it was nothing.
A few off the top of my head:
He was working at a specific Home Depot. Interestingly, cause I had been working at that one for four months. Even after I said I asked around for whatever department he was in he said he was new and no one really knew him yet.
Another was he was working at a local hospital despite no medical background and no one seeing him there.
Several lies about women but we'd never see him take girls home, despite him actually having game at the bar.
He had been "buying" a house for about 2 years.
He graduated with a computer science degree from a well known university despite it being outside his current career field and no one knowing he was going or no "hey I'm finally graduated" pics. Or diploma.
Then again, he just got arrested for child pornography. So maybe the lies shouldn't be a huge surprise.
SilentlyCrying · 1 points · Posted at 15:57:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This one girl I grew up with stole my mom’s diamond wedding ring while at my house for a sleep over. She insisted that I showed her where it was and encouraged her to take it. She then also insisted that she saw my dad wearing a speedo once and that a girl from our school had cancer.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 15:58:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My dad told me that Eurythmics wanted him to play with them but he turned them down. Told me this happened sometime in the mid-1970s when he was around 17 years old, living in a hick town in the northeastern United States, and before they'd actually formed the band.
PallBear · 1 points · Posted at 15:58:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"That one kid" in our neighborhood who was friends with my little brother said "My great-great-great-great-grandfather was Elvis". This was about 15 years ago, only 65 years after Elvis's birth... he and his progeny must have started early.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 15:58:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not a friend (there's no way I'd want to be either), but a guy who gets my bus.
1) Says he's in the marines. He actually washes pots in the pub.
2) Claimed that his friend threw a throwing knife at him, but a Nokia brick saved his life.
3) Apparently he has to take 5 morphine pills before playing rugby because he's too aggressive.
4) Claims to have had to been held back by 5 people because he was going to kill his teacher after he got in a fight with him.
5) Smokes "weed" and tries to make a point of it, as if we'd think more highly of him or something.
amiso · 1 points · Posted at 15:59:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So we have this guy David at work. So far what we've been told is...
He got called to audition for Fast and Furious 8. Later on in the shift he got the part. How he auditioned without even leaving work is beyond me.
He's a rapper and opened for Rihanna.
He's 25 and has two medical degrees and a firefighting degree. Do those even exist?
He's starred in Gone in 60 Seconds.
He was on Survivor.
He has won two world strongman competitions in a row. Which is hilarious because he's stick thin.
He dated our boss but she broke up with him so that they could work together.
I'm sure I'll remember more. I'm on mobile at work right now so I can't update until later.
PoorPolonius · 1 points · Posted at 15:59:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Worked in a pub kitchen for a while, and we had this guy who liked to tell stories -- let's call him "Jeff".
For those who don't know, Friday night is a shitshow in the kitchen of any popular restaurant. One Friday I was working the morning shift (open at 9:00 AM), supposed to be done by 5:00. Well, Jeff calls in and says he has an "emergency wisdom tooth removal" and can't come into work. Coincidentally, it was the same night his buddy wanted to go out to the casino.
Since I'm already there, they get me to cover, and I ended up working until about 9:00 PM -- that's 12 hours (/r/Ididthemath).
The next day I was scheduled for another open, so I'm there at 9:00 AM...and guess who shows up at 10:00 AM?
Fucking Jeff, of course.
He looks me right in the eye, knowing I had to cover his shift the night before, and somehow has the fucking audacity to touch his jaw, as if it hurt from the "emergency wisdom tooth removal" he had the night before.
PKchu97 · 1 points · Posted at 15:59:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know a guy named Brendan. He told my friends and I that he took pictures for his weather station, he was like 15 when he told us this. He then sends my friend a picture of some lightning he took. The picture had a time stamp from 2006, he would have been 6 then... I have more stories about him so if people like this I'll tell more.
Donkey__Xote · 1 points · Posted at 15:59:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy at an SCA event tried to convince some of us that he'd written his own operating system that was a combination of Linux and Windows. This was back in the 9x era. To confirm that he was entirely and unrepentantly full of shit I started asking him if the OS had this-or-that made-up-on-the-spot feature, features that were impossible as they were self-contradictory. Software-equivalents of "intermittent open-short to ground" sort of thing. He answered in the affirmative the whole time.
Of course being an SCA event without a computer in-sight there was no way for him to show us his unicorn of software development.
Wazula42 · 1 points · Posted at 15:59:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I fucking dated a pathological liar, one of those people who just can't have a conversation without trumping up some fantastic story for, i don't know, attention I guess? Even though it's just us talking and I'm already giving her attention?
My favorites were:
erikapls · 1 points · Posted at 16:01:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When I was in middle school, this kid told me he was a vampire. He was a "suicidal vampire" and he committed suicide three times, but came back to life a month later each time. He also said that his parents were Greek gods/goddesses and they didn't approve of him being a vampire and they hated him. This kid CARVED MY NAME INTO HIS ARM WITH A PENCIL because he was in love with me.
A chick I went to high school with told me she got diagnosed with cancer at the school nurses office. I asked what type of cancer. She replied, "oh the one you get treatment for". Ok. She also said that she slit her wrist to try to commit suicide and had to get her stomach pumped. Oh and she had rich grandparents that lived in Hollywood and were friends with the kardashians.
Guiken · 1 points · Posted at 16:02:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My wife's friend "got kicked out of the pride parade because she's wasn't a lezbo" in her own words -_-
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:02:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That their Dad has a sniper gun that can shoot a Christmas ornament off a tree from over 300 miles away. This was 10 years ago and I still laugh about it frequently.
Iceman85 · 1 points · Posted at 16:02:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a guy who said his grandpa was killed by the "real" Leatherface. Back when the Texas Chainsaw reboot came out it said "based on a true story." I remember buying the special edition DVD that included a documentary on the real killer. It was not based on a true story, Leatherface was inspired by Ed Gein in Wisconsin. I showed the guy this documentary and said "How about that, there was no real Texas Chainsaw Massacre." He stuck to his guns though, never backed down. I'm sure if I were to ask him about it today he'd still tell me it's the truth.
kingdowngoat · 1 points · Posted at 16:04:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
After cheating on his wife and getting caught writing love letters, and texts for months, he told his wife and family he made a big mistake and would make it up to them. Only to change his story 2 weeks later and insist he was raped by her.
inksmudgedhands · 1 points · Posted at 16:05:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a ex-friend who claimed that she had once studied to be a nun. I was naive back then and I believed everything she said because, hey, who would lie about being a nun. I asked her, "Oh, which order?" (Order meaning which branch of nuns.) She looks at me and go, "Oh....we don't have orders of nuns in Peru. (She was Peruvian.) That's an American thing."
That was the first time I doubted her. After that I started to question everything she said and found holes everywhere. We didn't stay friends long after. I couldn't and can't stand being lied to. So, I stopped being her friend because she couldn't be bothered to look up an order of nuns to lie about.
herpymerpy · 1 points · Posted at 16:05:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Back when minecraft was becoming popular, I knew someone who said that they worked for Mojang and were related to pretty much every minecraft youtuber.
LobieFolf · 1 points · Posted at 16:06:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A little late...
I suffer from pathological lying, although I have gotten better at managing it.
The most ridiculous story that I kept going for a good year (some people may even still believe it) was that part of my family had died in a arctic accident while on an expedition.
Honestly, I dont know if anyone bought it, but that is probably the most ridiculous situation I wound up in.
Most of my pathological lying is just trivial bullshit; like I saw that movie, the blank person said X on the news!
Dxxx2 · 1 points · Posted at 16:07:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A used to have a friend from college who was a good friend a mine, at least until the day he started to impress a friend of mine he wanted to date. He was going to school for networking for a career in network security, so he would come up with ridiculous scenerios related to "hacking" whenever we're all together to make him seem "cool".
This one day we were all at a bar, he kept saying how the NSA was after him and found his apparent Swiss Bank account full of his "millions of dollars that he cannot withdraw due to all the funds being illegal" (needless to say this guy always tried to get out of splitting a bill). He commented that a buddy of his was putting his hard drive in acid to wipe all his data since his dorm room might be raided while he's asleep. He kept this up all night and would always make a comment about it or move the conversation back to it. This was his most outrageous story but they all always revolved around hacking or "the dark net". I had other friends in networking, they said this kid could barely pass his classes and was a shitty programmer.
I don't hang out with him anymore, let alone be friends with him, but I saw him a few months ago after college. Said he was given a job as a CIO for a company but he had to turn it down due to having to finish a college. Knew that was BS, because he working as a bitch intern with a buddy of mine at a IT company.
He also said he owns part of a pick lot set. It's a fucking Phillips head screw driver.
cfdagola · 1 points · Posted at 16:07:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Kid i grew up with always would tell me how he's always banging all these girls. I never really believed him because i've never seen any of the girls. To this very day he's still banging all these chicks although now i sort of believe him because he's got 3 kids all from different women.
Chalicechick · 1 points · Posted at 16:07:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I am a youth group advisor at my church. One time a kid said her friend had just died in a mass shooting a few days before. She told us all about the friend. We didn't have any reason to disbelieve her, and the mass shooting she referred to had actually occurred. So we were very sympathetic, told the minister, who reached out to her family, etc.
Of course, the thing about mass shootings is that the victims' names get released. I went looking for the friend. He wasn't there. The youth advisor mentioned it to the kid's mother, who said that the kid does this a lot. She changed youth groups and told the next one she was a ballerina.
kadam08 · 1 points · Posted at 16:08:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he a (23yr old) committed his first murder when he was 14 but his cousin took the blame and has been in jail for 20 years for it. And his body count is 'massive now'. Also he is a certified priest. Is related to pretty much everyone if not related by blood by marriage somehow. Literally almost everything he says is a lie . You dont beleive a word he says unless its backed up with evidence.
hogwashNpoppycock · 1 points · Posted at 16:09:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My sister used to lie about things all the time. A vacation we went on, meeting someone famous, a great party that we went to. She would tell these stories to her friends to try and seem cooler than she was. The part I hated most was when she tried to get me to go along with her. I didn't want to out her and be a dick, but I also didn't want to deal with the consequences later. On the other hand, I refused to go along with her because all that lying made me uncomfortable. I usually ended up saying I wasn't born yet or with her at all at the time. One of the only perks to being younger than her at the time.
dangleslow · 1 points · Posted at 16:09:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A kid I went to high school with told me he went to a shooting range with his dad one weekend. He went on to say that they shot m16s and then used the grenade launcher to blow up a cow in a field.
This kid lied about everything. Always telling bullshit stories that were obviously made up. He got that reputation throughout high school.
--verde-- · 1 points · Posted at 16:09:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Everyone has raped her, apparently
caboosequeen · 1 points · Posted at 16:10:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My half cousin that I haven't heard from for about two years that has always been sort of a compulsive liar just told me she graduated med school when I asked her what she's been up to.
thebobgoblin · 1 points · Posted at 16:11:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This guy was from Canada. And if you saw him you would think he was more of from the Bayou. But he swore he was a SEAL and had Hussein in his sights during the first Desert Storm and President Clinton himself called him on his radio and told him to stand down.
laukkanen · 1 points · Posted at 16:12:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
An old roommate of mine tried to convince me the reason my dress shirts were crumpled up in his closet was due to someone breaking in to our apartment rather than him having borrowed them without asking.
el_monstruo · 1 points · Posted at 16:12:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That his dad is a Lamborghini dealer in California.
AlrightBoy · 1 points · Posted at 16:12:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That'd he'd legit slept with over 1000 women. He was 21 at the time.
thudly · 1 points · Posted at 16:13:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I used to know this girl from a small town near my city. She told me this big huge story about how this guy in her town tried to rape her, and when she outed him about it, the whole town ostracized her. She was getting death threats, etc. I felt horrible for her, so I told her if she wants to crash at my place temporarily, she can. Nobody should have to deal with that shit.
Anyway, she accepted the offer, but made herself a little too cozy at my place. It was supposed to be a temporary arrangement where she found a local job and got her own place, but she wound up staying for months. I didn't want to pressure her because she kept playing that old victim card.
After a few months, I was getting impatient. So I started moving up from subtle hints to real conversations about her situation, and then up to ultimatums about at least having some sort of plan. Well, suddenly she comes home sobbing one night and tells me my cousin tried to rape her. Basically, the same situation as at her own town. I talked to him the next day, and the first thing he did was apologize to me for "Making a pass at my girl." I said, "She's not my girl. She's just staying here." He says, "Oh! She told me she was your girl when I tried to kiss her. So I backed off right away." Honestly, I believed him. He's not the type to lie. Basically all he did was lean in for a kiss and somehow that translated into "trying to rape her".
I called her bluff when she came home later. I said, "Don't worry, it's all taken care of. I called the cops and they arrested my cousin. They're going to be here soon to take your statement and take you to get a rape kit done." She just turned white as sheet and started back-pedaling hard. "Well, I don't actually remember anything. I had a few beers. I... I... maybe he..." I just told her she could tell it to the cops when they got here. She just kept saying she didn't really remember. It was all hazy, etc. And then she was mad at me, like as if I'd ruined everything by getting the cops involved. I told her, "Are you fucking nuts? He tried to rape you! He needs to be in jail and you need to tell the whole world your story." She ran to her room crying. I later told her they'd come to the door and agreed to drop the charges because she supposedly didn't remember anything. It was total bullshit, but at least it convinced her that I didn't fuck around with accusations like that. She might have done it to other friends of mine, or even me at some point.
Meanwhile, while all this other drama was going on, she also told me I'd gotten her pregnant. We'd slept together at one point, and supposedly, she was pregnant. She went to the doctor with my sister-in-law for a test, and came home and told me the news. Well, I figured my life was over now, everything was all set in stone.
Then one night she goes out drinking with the girls. I was pissed. After I got off the phone I called up my brother to rant about it. That idiot is out DRINKING! She's gonna give that damn kid FAS!" My brother was like, "What kid?" I was like, "She's pregnant. Didn't your woman tell you?" and he's like, "She's not pregnant. The test was negative. Andrea said she even argued with the doctor, saying, 'It has to be! It has to be positive!' and the doctor just said, no."
Anyway, long story short, she came home to find all her stuff on the front lawn. I never saw her again. But I got random phone calls at all hours of the night for years after, from friends of hers saying, "She lost the baby because she had cervical cancer, you heartless fuck!" At first I would argue with them that there never was a baby, but eventually I just changed my number. She gave me one poke on facebook when facebook first launched and I blocked her. I'm sure she's still telling people the same bullshit stories to this day.
Moral of the story, don't stick your dick in crazy.
Southwcl · 1 points · Posted at 16:13:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I used to work for my friend's dad and his mom lies or exaggerates about almost everything. The alarm went off in our office while I was finishing a night shift because one of the managers went into the back building early in the morning and didn't know the alarm code as the two buildings have different codes. The police came and asked me about it then went to the back to take a look, talked to the manager for a minute then left. I talked to my friend's mom later and she tried to tell me a story that the police had the manager in handcuffs and were going to take him to jail until I talked them out of it after 30 minutes of aurguing with them and how lucky he was that I was there. Everyone knows she lies about things but I couldn't believe she was trying to lie about a story to me, that was about me, when she was never even there. I just sat there starring at her dumbfounded.
tj1226 · 1 points · Posted at 16:14:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He told us he made out with Chris Evans. Even if Chris Evens is gay he wouldn't be into this dude.
EVILEMU · 1 points · Posted at 16:14:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The sad thing is, calling out and proving beyond a doubt that they are lying doesn't stop them from lying in the future. It just makes them resent you. When you have to work with one of these people, you don't want to have them on bad terms, but it's hard to just let them ramble on forever. It's kind of insulting that they would think you are so stupid to believe them.
PackagedFool · 1 points · Posted at 16:14:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In 5th grade he told me he fucked three girls. In 6th grade he told me people mistook him as an adult because he had a beard, but he shaved it.
CottonSC · 1 points · Posted at 16:14:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When he was a freshman he told everyone in our fraternity he just decided to take the bar exam one day and passed.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:15:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When I was younger at school a friend said her dog had run away and all our friends offered to make missing posters. This went on for a week and just before people were going to start making the posters, she said that her dog had been found in the park opposiye my house. That bit was fairly believable because I don't know what happens in the park 24/7, but then she said that there were loads of police cars there to save her dog
She also said that her mum was hospitalized and her dad had broken both his legs and his arm, which is why she and her brother had to do all the housework. Later that week my dad saw her dad and asked him if he was alright. Her dad just gave my dad a blank stare.
sectorsight · 1 points · Posted at 16:15:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
2006, I broke up with my compulsive liar girlfriend. She kept finding reasons to call me. One of them was "I'm at a model shoot in Florida, just want to see how you are". My caller ID showed that it was from her parents home phone.
She also called me telling me she won the lottery.
JillStinkEye · 1 points · Posted at 16:15:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not a ridiculous story. Thankfully I've forgotten most of the BS she spewed. But an appalling story nonetheless. My best friend from junior high and high school slept with my husband while we were seperated. He told me when we were trying to make amends and she still denied it because even though she and her husband had an open relationship, she didn't tell him so it was still cheating. She held out for a month before finally admiting it but she insisted i shouldn't be mad because i knew she was lying.
THEJAZZMUSIC · 1 points · Posted at 16:15:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I made an offhand comment to a colleague that I do not fare well in the heat.
He then proceeded to tell me that his base temperature is permanently elevated by about 4 degrees. That regular cooling gear isn't strong enough for him. And that he once survived several days with a fever that would have killed any other man in 8 minutes, which confounded his doctors, until he told them of his amazing medical condition.
Canadian_boobs · 1 points · Posted at 16:16:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My brother in-law is the biggest liar I've ever met. Constant one upping everyone stories, and correcting you on everything because he has worked in that field that you are talking about at that time. He has had a thousand jobs from building homes, to being a marine, a rehab consoler, the list goes on. The best job he has had was when he told me he helped invent HAARP.
majorchamp · 1 points · Posted at 16:16:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My shit friend growing up told me he had "Boardwalk" for the McDonald's monopoly game. Fucking liar.
PNWGirl360 · 1 points · Posted at 16:16:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh, God. I have a friend... These are the ones I remember the most:
-"I'm friends with Travis Pastrana, and the nitro circus people."
-"I'm the first person to ever back flip a monster truck" (proceeds to show me a video of someone back flipping a monster truck, claiming it's him in the driver seat).
-Shows me a video of someone hanging out with Nitro Circus people and back flipping monster truck, claims it was him.
-"I'm Jonathan Davis' (lead singer of KoRn) brother, I was adopted and our parents kept Jon."
-"I went to Vegas this last weekend and got drunk, married a Mexican stripper who just wants citizenship, and we got it annulled."
-"My gf is pregnant." I heard this one about 20 times in 8 months. Every time, though, he either "found out" they were lying because they wanted to trap him into marriage because he's rich (he's not rich, his dad is rich. He will be rich when his dad dies.) OR they "miscarried" OR they were cheating on him and it wasn't his.
-"I can read minds and change the weather." We were standing on a dock, late at night. And he asked me if I wanted him to either "make lightning flash on the horizon" or "read my mind". He failed at both.
-"I broke my neck."
Not. Even. Kidding. This guy is ridiculous. I basically only keep in contact with him because I know he's a massive liar and it actually really entertains me to hear his newest shit.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:16:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A friend said that his dad swam from Cornwall to Spain without stopping lol
FortyFartz · 1 points · Posted at 16:16:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Guy i used to work with claimed that he was trying to cross a river in his truck but it ended up being to deep, instead of sinking though, he claimed that his tires were so big that he just floated to the other side.
Same guy claimed to have mowed down a herd of elk with a fully automatic Ak-47.......from 1,000 yds.
also lies about being a marine.
Kid in highschool claimed he could punch 5 times in a second, at some point or another we ended up playing the stupid game of 'Rights' (take turns hitting each other in the right arm with th right fist until someone gives up), i beat him fair and square, a mutual friend told me later that he said he held back, the only reason he quit was because he would have "broken my arm" if he would have hit any harder, he also denied showing us his 5 punches in one second because he said his sensei did not approve of public displays of technique, and he could be arrested because it was too dangerous, also claimed his dad bought him a dodge viper for his birthday, he never drove it......not even once.Because it didnt exist, because he was a psycho and made his entire life up. those were just a few of those 2 guys stories.
Jonlikesgames · 1 points · Posted at 16:16:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Girl at my work who used to work at Victoria Secret when she was 15 told us her manager came up to her and asked can they do a shot of her bum in underwear for the main page of the website. Instead of all their models they chose a 15 year old doing work experience in a small outlet in London to have her underage bum on the most famous underwear website. I have my doubts though...
twoliterdietcoke · 1 points · Posted at 16:17:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
htat their kid was in the hospital with leukemia. Now he is cured.
realhorrorsh0w · 1 points · Posted at 16:18:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This kid moved from Texas to our high school in PA. Since the day I met him, all he talked about was how he was in mafia before and needed to find the Pittsburgh mafia. If they were an Irish mafia, he could be one of the top guys because he had a lot of Irish blood.
Mostly I was just annoyed with him because I didn't like the way "mafia" sounded in his accent.
astronomydomone · 1 points · Posted at 16:19:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My husband had a coworker who told obvious fake stories. One was that he caught a 150 lb wild salmon. Another was he took an IQ test when he graduated high school and his score was so high that Mensa contacted him. A coworker of mine had tons of obvious lies but the only one I remember was that a dentist told her she was born with cavities in her baby teeth, which were still up in the gums. Another coworker who was probably 25 at the time had a fictitious fiancé. We worked in a garment printing factory and our department was all young women. We all had boyfriends and she must've felt the need to keep up. If I told her my date took me on a Harley ride she'd one up me. "Oh Chris did have that Harley but he sold it and bought a better one." The kicker was when she told us all she got engaged and showed off her ring. It was clearly a big fake diamond, the kind you can buy at Claire's. I asked her to see it and I saw where it had CZ (cubic zirconia) imprinted on the band. None of us ever met Chris and oddly she had no pics and he was not in any of her contacts on her phone (yeah we snooped)
Krutzfeldt1 · 1 points · Posted at 16:19:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy who I knew was currently unemployed told me that his boss was riding dune buggies in Vegas with the cast of Jersey Shore. No reason for it, no one would have been impressed if it was true. It was just a really odd thing to lie about.
frazzledsloth · 1 points · Posted at 16:19:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
We lived in rural VT and I had a classmate that was half black and adopted so he thought that he was hood. Some of the whoppers he told us to look cool.
-He told us he lived in Atlanta, New York, Miami, and Hartford. When in reality his Mom told us he was adopted when he was 2.
-He went to jail for a month because he got caught stealing Jordans from Walmart
-He was regularly abused by his parents, which I wasn't sure was true since I met his parents and had seen how they act at home and I saw no abusive tendencies, but he also talked about it way too casually so I knew it wasn't true.
haddock82 · 1 points · Posted at 16:20:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Would that be the time:...
or
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:20:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I work on an ambulance with a guy who is a compulsive liar..I once went on a call for a child delivery with this guy. When we got there, the baby was already delivered so I just cut the cord and we went to the hospital. We housed with a fire crew but did not go with them on this call. They ask me about the call and before I could tell them how I didn't do much, my partner chimes in and tells this whole fantastical story about how I delivered a baby...they then look at me and say "no way, is that true??" And I just said "no" and told them what actually happened...they look at my partner and he back peddles and says "oh ya know, that's what I meant"....douche
RedMegaMan · 1 points · Posted at 16:20:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There was a kid i knew back in highschool who was a compulsive liar. This guy claimed, that he could run 25 mph with his cowboy boots on.
Maestrosc · 1 points · Posted at 16:20:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Cousins Exhusband:
Found a skateboard while helping him move... we ask to screw around with it, and he goes on a 15 minute story time about how he actually helped Tony Hawk learn how to skate (despite being younger than tony hawk, and never living anywhere close to where Tony has ever lived).
I liked to draw when i was younger, one time he pulls me aside to tell me about his past career as an animator, and wants to give me some tips.
Another time we are watching sumo wrestling as a one-off on espn or something... goes on to tell my whole family how he was 1 sumo match from being crowned Yokuzuma despite being about 170 pounds, white, and never having been to Japan... but he forfeit his title match because the other guy was so much bigger.
Another time he told my uncle "oh ya, I work in construction, I can fix that" within 10 minutes he fell through my uncles ceiling, because he didnt know you cant walk on drywall.
Guy had issues..clearly.
deathschemist · 1 points · Posted at 16:21:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
my old IT teacher loved to weave tall tales of winning sumo tournaments, despite the fact he is skinny as a rake, having his own robot and other such weird and wonderful tales. we all loved him for it.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:21:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A girl I knew in high school told us she fell out of a rollercoaster and survived unscathed. There were other crazy lies but this one was by far the most unbelievable and the one she insisted was true until we graduated, and probably still would to this day
thefooteninja · 1 points · Posted at 16:22:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A friend of mine told me that he killed a kid on the football field in high school. We were sitting around with a group of friends just bullshitting after a movie and I'm not sure how we got on the topic, but he started telling us about how he tackled this kid so hard that his ribs punctured his heart.
Now my friend is a big guy, so it might seem believable, but he's a thrower for the track team. I didn't think he had ever played a game of football in his life, and he claims that this event is the reason he wasn't playing in college.
I take out my phone and search for any kind of similar story in time and place he mentioned, and I find nothing. He says the newspapers didn't report on it because it was such a tragedy. My major was journalism, which I didn't need to know that was bullshit. Local papers report on high school sports, and they'll write up just about anything remarkable. Someone getting killed on the football field would be news.
Eventually I just told him I didn't believe him, but he insisted it was true and that he didn't need me to believe him. He's a nice guy, and a great friend, but Christ he's frustrating to deal with sometimes.
sch6808 · 1 points · Posted at 16:22:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a roommate that claimed he was engaged to marry nearly every girl he had ever gone to school with from elementary to law school. His biggest secrect was that Haley Mathers was one of his brides. I immediately called bull shit and said to call her if it was true. He said he didnt have her number because his parents arranged the marriagre. He was Indian.
I said to him he is going to be really busy after school with weddings. Probably one everyday for the rest of his life. He said it was going to be one big ceremony where he married all the girls at once. This is only the tip of the iceberg with him. I think he was schizophrenic.
Rosaly8 · 1 points · Posted at 16:22:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That she had a boyfriend abroad. She then proceeded to send me a picture of him. It was Robert Pattinson.
YounomsayinMawfk · 1 points · Posted at 16:23:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My college roommate said the first time he had sex, he was going doggy-style and he accidentally slipped his dick in the girl's ass and ended up having anal.
Lunch_BoxMoney · 1 points · Posted at 16:23:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He once told me that he had all the Pokemon cards in the world, and when i asked him where he kept them, he told me his little brother buried them in his backyard the night before.
Aprmaejun · 1 points · Posted at 16:24:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Used to work with a jack of all trades. I met him while working at a small electronics store in a rundown mall. He was the worst employee.. He never showered and on more than one occasion I found him playing second life on his laptop in the backroom while he was supposed to be working. Throughout the few years I had to endure his existence I learned of all of his other supposedly current occupations.
He was in the military and when asked why he hadn't cut his hair or shaved recently I was told he was a JAG officer. They could away with it.
He was a general manager of a prominent yet skeezy nightclub in the area.
He was a law teacher for the local university.
He was a hockey ref for some peewee league in the area.
He was a lobbyist.
We could only ever validate that he worked at our store and Applebee's as a bartender. That one we learned from his dad. He had a pretty good looking fiance too and I will never understand how.
doyle212092 · 1 points · Posted at 16:24:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy at work would say "I grew up in a foster home with Jessica nigri and she helped me do my homework. But I would never date her she is like my big sister."
Tsiyeria · 1 points · Posted at 16:24:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have two! Two different people!
The first was my very first college roommate. Her name was Lissa... We think. I found three separate names on her luggage tags (on bags that she left in my room when she moved out, along with ALL HER OTHER SHIT, gross).
She had spent the summer living with one of the people in the theater department, at her parent's house. Then, when the girl showed up at her dorm, Lissa was already there, with a key to the room and THE OTHER GIRL'S LAST NAME. She had told the school they were sisters so that they would be roomed together. The other girl, I think her name was Jessica, was not having it, and Lissa was transferred to live with me.
Lots of lies, but the best one was a running tale about her abusive stalker ex. She was in danger, he was watching and following her, he attacked her last night. We were urging her to go to the authorities, offering to walk her places so she wouldn't be alone... Until one of Jessica's friends told us that on the night Lissa said she had been attacked, the friend saw her. In the back seat of her own car. Strangling herself.
Person two said he used to be a meth addict, and when he woke up one day Jesus had cured his addiction and fixed his teeth.
blackgold161 · 1 points · Posted at 16:24:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I wonder how many compulsive liars are in this thread making up stories about compulsive liars.
omgfaglolz · 1 points · Posted at 16:25:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Some dude named Carlos at my community college makes fake facebook profiles and posts all these cryptic posts to his wall about what a great guy he is.
"Carlos, just wanted to let you know my dad hung a picture of you on the wall of his restaurant. He said there's not a lot of good men out there.. "
One day, I'll compile screen shots and post to /r/thathappened.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:25:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So many stories.
His dad works for a secret company linked to shell, kinda like the bilderberg group. And his dad was asked to join the local mafia. We don't have a mafia, we are literally a crime free small village.
He told his friends that when he'd turn 18, he'd get an audi r8. Haven't seen the car yet.
Made up some illness that he had. We asked him to google it only to find out it was impossible for him to have that illness (kinda like a man having a period idk)
babywizard · 1 points · Posted at 16:26:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've never commented before but this is too good to pass up.
I worked with one very interesting guy who made numerous claims. Here's the few a can recall:
He was eventually fired after claiming that his football team was playing a friendly match against Indonesia that weekend while telling the boss he needed to fly to South Africa to sort out Mandela's will.
Many in our workplace were hurt that this guy had led them on to such an extent. Others were impressed at his sheer ballsiness. Either way, Dr. "Mandela", we hardly knew ye.
Edited because name
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:27:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There was a kid in my sister's 8th grade class who told me that he did Boy Scouts for a couple years then quit. He then told me that he also earned Eagle in that time. That's literally impossible because there are some requirements that require you to hold a position for 6 month or be active in the troop for 6 months, etc. To clarify, I was 16 at the time, recruiting for my troop. I had been in Boy Scouts for 4 years and still hasn't earned Eagle.
dakeyjake · 1 points · Posted at 16:27:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One of my coworkers was a very bad liar. He tried to convince me one time that he had a fully automatic Uzi in his truck. I asked to see it and he said no.
Stephonovich · 1 points · Posted at 16:27:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have many. Guy on my submarine, from Texas (because of course he is), was the biggest pathological liar I've ever met. Here's the first story he ever told me:
In Australia, there is a close cousin to the wild boar called the Oppelboar. It has curved tusks like a regular boar, but it has one nifty defense mechanism - it will climb trees to escape predators. It jumps up high enough to hook a low branch with its tusks, and kick away the predator.
Also, it migrates to Japan yearly, stopping over in Guam for a rest.
Jack_kenoff · 1 points · Posted at 16:27:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
An ex girlfriend would tell me that she was going to hang out with friends every other weekend. Turns out she had some side guys and one of them was a friend I never mentioned . He showed me all the shit they recorded and did. Broke up afterwards.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:27:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Im late to the party but I guy I know told EVERYONE he was married while we were overseas together. Turns out he was only dating her, but absolutely insisted to everyone he was married. what a weird lie.
dankestmemest69 · 1 points · Posted at 16:28:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know this one kid, he use to be a good friend of mine. I couldn't take his lies anymore. Every word that came out was a lie, and he knew it. Even, though it was a lie he would just go about it so passionately I started to wonder if he even thought it was real. Everything story from, his grandparents had a trust fund setup for a million dollars he couldn't touch till he was 21 all the way down to managing a now popular band "before they were big." The biggest lie came after he got married to this awesome girl I met. They moved to Texas after 2 years of being married, (we live in Minnesota.) They have a kid and two years later (last summer) they got a divorce. He moved back, and told everyone that his wife had cheated on him and won't let him see his kids at all. All this terrible stuff about her. I went to the source and called her up, since we were still good friends. Turns out, he cheated on her, got arrested for accepting a bribery and he gave up his parental rights so he didn't have to pay child support (tried to but the judge said fuck off your paying.) She found out about what he was saying to everyone, called him up and said I posted on Facebook what really happened. Since, she has custody, the one week a year he gets to see them will be supervised by her and if she gets one child payment check late I'm going to a judge. He works at Mcdonalds and whenever I go in and he is working I smile and laugh
Beleynn · 1 points · Posted at 16:28:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy that I used to work with was the biggest liar I have ever met:
He claimed he got an "80 out of 81" score as a marksman in the military. Several other former soldiers (and a quick internet search) indicated marksmanship doesn't work anything like that
He claimed he played minor league baseball for a year. Baseball people keep the most obsessive records of any group, and have for over 100 years, but there are NO records of him.
He claimed he was offered a GM position at a major hotel, but decided to move here (1500 miles away) and work for us instead. The position he got was basically entry-level, and in a totally different field.
He claimed to be able to deadlift a massive amount of weight. One of our other coworkers decided it sounded like bullshit and Googled it; the weight would've been a world record by several hundred pounds.
He apparently lived in many different cities, but isn't old enough for any of the timelines to even remotely add up
When he got a new job (shortly before likely being let go for general ineptitude), he told us his new job had 6-8% raises every quarter, that he could travel "when he wanted to" and that he had 8-10 "directs" (presumably meaning direct reports). None of these were true.
Alfapsycho · 1 points · Posted at 16:28:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Used to be "friends" with this guy who was known to be lying all the fucking time. The shit he would say would be the most untrustworthy shit ever. For example,
His dad apparently was going to buy him, his mother, and 2 brother first class tickets on an airplane to the US, which he said would cost 30K usd, yeh noones going to belive your dads paying an average workers salary for first fucking class tickets on an airplane which he said was only for a single trip.
As this guy kept lying, it wasn't that hard to figure out he was a virgin, however one day he comes to school bragging fucking hardcore how he lost his virginity, and not only did he lose his virginity, he apparently made her squirt all over him, during his first time, "like a water sprinkler".
This guy was such a notorious liar that i told my gf about him, so one day we're sitting on the back of the bus, this guy and a friend of mine walks by, we greet eachother and they get behind us. I point my finger towards my mouth to let my girlfriend overhear his shit. It litterary took less than 2 minutes before he starts going of on how he one time spent 150$ under 4 hours (wtf?), the other guy replied he actually spent 650$ once in under 2hours. Then it gets all quiet. Then i hear him angrily say "yeh well i spent 1500$ in under 30 min last week". My girlfriends eyes started to tear up, you know the feeling when you tell someone something and you want to prove it to them, and everything just falls into plan accordingly, yeh that was it. She burst out laughing and so did i. They both went quiet behind us but never dared to asked us why.
Don't miss that motherfucker a single bit, compulsive liar, kept spreading rumors about others, he jumped out of school to start pursuing a career at, and listen to this, Mcdonalds. Everyone in our class told him he shouldn't, i told him to follow his heart.
rugparty · 1 points · Posted at 16:28:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This kid in my high school would pull out the weirdest shit from time to time. He once told us he was being scouted by the Florida Dolphins but had a back injury. He was 15, and weighed about 110 lbs. Another story he swore by was that Jennifer Lopez was his baby sitter, and he got signed to bad boy records. He was the one that introduced Jennifer and Puffy to each other. He also received a 10 million dollar scholarship to Julliard, and lived in a mansion. He threw a birthday party for himself, and I went, because I wanted free liquor, and it was revealed he lived in section 8 housing.
carbonmonoxidepoison · 1 points · Posted at 16:29:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My grandmother on my father's side is by far the worst in my life. I spent a lot of my early life with her because she adored me and my brother so much (We're her only grandchildren) but for some reason any time my mother was out of earshot she would tell me how my mother was awful or a lazy and useless wife and stole my father's hard earned money. One example of this is when she told me the piano at my other grandmother's home (in China) was bought with my father's money and how he shouldn't had have to paid that expense since he doesn't get any benefit from it. I asked my mother and she said she bought it before she even met my father.
Otherwise she likes to bitch about completely random shit like how my aunt apparently uses too much toilet paper(?????????).
ropepaelgen · 1 points · Posted at 16:29:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a roommate in college who told me he used to be a sniper in the marines and he killed a bunch of top level people, although he wasn't allowed to tell me who or how many. He also told me he cured his mono by mowing the lawn in 100 degree weather and sweating it out.
charpenette · 1 points · Posted at 16:29:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I worked with a serious compulsive liar in high school. She told me she met *NSYNC and when they were in Chicago, Justin Timberlake would call her up and have her go shopping with him. Also he was going to take her to prom, but then he couldn't because they were touring in Europe at the time. I ran into someone about five years later who also knew this girl and joyfully, she had updated her stories to whatever boy band was popular at that time. She would give the most minute details when she would spin her stories and it was so difficult to keep a straight face.
StormRider2407 · 1 points · Posted at 16:29:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Former colleague of mine said the night before that he was hypnotised in to thinking that a toy car was a real one and that he was driving around.
Problem was there was an old episode of Top Gear on the night before, and the exact same thing happened to Richard Hammond.
He got offended when we implied he was lying.
CQSteve · 1 points · Posted at 16:30:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
No matter where N is, he gets crazy high paying job offers from random people. He might be in a gym and will interject himself into a conversation between 2 people he doesn't know & this results in a job offer worth six figures. He might be at a casino & a multi millionaire will shout him a night of drinks & hookers. In real life he's the office boy at some shit company. Saddest part is his parents tend to believe him.
LAGreggM · 1 points · Posted at 16:30:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
An ex-friend told me he was an agent for Interpol.
happygopatty · 1 points · Posted at 16:31:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This guy at work swore he regrew his finger when he had an accident when he was young. Said he used his mind and that you can control your body and master it if you use the right mindset. He also said he hasn't been vaccinated (which is a lie clearly because they wouldn't have given him the job as we have to deal with a lot of children) and is immune to aids....we all just call him "Lizard King"
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:32:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My co-worker is a chronic liar. She constantly calls in sick and gives excuses such as "I have a family reunion to go to I just found out about" or "my mother-in-law's niece is graduating today" (she's not married by the way). How do we know she is always lying about these things? She posts on Facebook about how she's "at home relaxing" or "out at the mall" or something different than what she said she's doing. Here's the best one... she is currently on disability leave from my job for some leg-debilitating disease that does not allow her to walk, so she is supposedly bed-ridden. Here's the thing though - she has posted on Facebookj numerous times since she's been out, not long after she left, about how many miles she's been walking (she is a supposed fitness nut). So...disability, really?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:32:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My sister-in-law's boyfriend told us that his family spent $70,000 on alcohol at his sister's wedding.
Oh, did I mention he's almost 50?
djm1997 · 1 points · Posted at 16:32:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So let's call this guy Luke because his name was Luke.
Anyway, Luke is bragging to me and my friends that he's read all the top 100 books on the New York Times Bestsellers list. So (having read Game of Thrones), I ask if he's read Game of Thrones. Of course he says he has. So I ask him what his favorite part was.
"When that king dies I forget his name." Great answer Luke. So I respond, "Yeah you mean when Frodo dies? That was the worst!" And he agrees "Yeah he was my favorite!"
Fuck you Luke.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:32:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
They flew a blackbird in space, he killed a kid in school but it was on camera in his class so it was fine, no court either. Wait 2 kids he killed. And a guy who tried robbing his house. His grandad would use c4 to cook food in Vietnam. Um he can beat up marines blindfolded with his hands tied up, I can go on and on
concertwhore · 1 points · Posted at 16:32:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He claimed 9/11 had happened in July. Even managed to convince a random guy on the street about this.
All of his ex girlfriends and boyfriends are bat shit crazy neurotics, still madly in love with him, desperately sending him nudes in hopes of winning him back.
Claiming he's about to be the next Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia.
When mentioning a foreign country to him, he'll say one of his cousins lives there. Both his parents happen to be an only child. He has no fucking cousins anywhere.
AlbinoHessian · 1 points · Posted at 16:32:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Knew a girl in Highschool, let's call her Stacy.
Stacy claimed to know and have hung out with various celebrities including Shaq, Michael Cera, and others
Claimed to be a seductress and would have older married men begging to spend money on her
Whatever became popular in the moment, she was into before it became popular
She could never have a boyfriend because guys were too intimidated by her sexually
She had a plethora of acting gigs lined up for her after Highschool
She never knew her real father and that he was an former vet who drifted from town to town on a motorcycle(I found out her parents are divorced after HS and that he works in an auto repair place)
She now lives in Hollywood and looks like she's going out clubbing in every picture now.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:33:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He said is parents bought him an iPhone 6. FIVE YEARS AGO.
DrunkAsShitwitYaMom · 1 points · Posted at 16:33:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yes, I knew a dude who was for sure a pathological liar. He would lie to you about the weather even if you could see it for yourself. He lied about things big and small. Some of the worst lies were:
*Claiming to have two published books at the age of 18.
*Claimed to be a triple major (Math, chemistry and physics) even though our school did not do triple majors.
*Claimed to work for NASA.
*Claimed to have rich and famous friend who would show up randomly with a helicopter and fly him to exotic places. Said the friend would show up if he called them. Freaked out when people asked to meet this friend.
*Claimed to be psychic and that he had studied tantric sex for years (he was barely an adult). Also said he could heal people and that god talked to him.
*Claimed to have throat cancer and even made a cut on his own throat so he could claim to have surgery on it. Someone did research into throat cancer and realized he had none of the correct symptoms and that the surgery he claimed to have was not done through an incision because you can get to the throat through the mouth. They printed up some information and distributed it to peole who had been fooled into helping him, giving him money or otherwise supporting his fake illness. When confronted, he finally had to admit it was a lie (people were ready to lynch him) and that he did it to get laid.
He was basically the worst person I have ever met. He would do other crazy things like pretend to be hurt or cut when he was actually fine. When he got drunk once he started breaking shit at my friend's house and when he was kicked out he pretended he broke his leg to get sympathy I guess. When that didn't work and the cops were called, he suddenly stood up on the leg and was fine.
I honestly feel sorry for the dude, I guess he had a really traumatic event in his upbringing (I heard this from his family who seemed like decent people) and he turned into this.
usernamezsuck · 1 points · Posted at 16:33:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It wasn't told to me but it was about me...some girl I used to be best friends with in middle school and early high school was the definition of a tapped attention whore (and a regular whore for that matter). We were best friends for a while so in that time I acquired her facebook password. It turned out that, over the course of a few months, whenever she would sleep over my house she would sneak into my brother's room to do the dirty. After finding out about that, I did what every angry 15 year old would've done: logged onto her facebook with people to laugh at her messages. While perusing her inbox filled with pursuit for dick I came across one that took crazy to a whole other level. At 3 in the morning (while we were friends) she was chatting this older guy at our school telling him that she was scared for her life because I was apparently coming to kill her. Only thing I was killing at the time was some REM cycles. Damn that bitch was cray.
BeepBoopSparkleDoots · 1 points · Posted at 16:33:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had an ex who must have thought I was a complete idiot and wouldn't know what a cigarette lighter in a car was because he pointed to it on a date and said as serious as can be, "That's my NOS button". To that guy, lying came as easily and naturally as breathing.
Plannet_Mars · 1 points · Posted at 16:34:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"The guy I used to share a cubicle with was a compulsive liar. Just a few of his choice lies: In a college philosophy course, he asked the professor "How do I know if the blue I see is the blue you see?" Apparently, this "blew his mind", upsetting him so much that he retired early. He can bench press 1,000 pounds, and could do even more if he didn't have gout. He can "read" print with his fingertips, like Daredevil. He's so good at picking up women that he stopped doing it because it got boring. He used to be involved in a dog fighting ring, and his dog would never lose, because he taught it hypnosis."
gingerjuice · 1 points · Posted at 16:35:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My cousin had a boyfriend who was really good looking but a total pathological liar. He was always bragging to my (builder) husband about all the badass building projects he had done for rich and famous people. My favorite was the one where he made Calvin Klein a slate hot tub out of old chalk boards, and apparently Calvin didn't even notice - just handed him $20,000 and said thanks. Wow.
BanjoPanda · 1 points · Posted at 16:35:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I got one.
Let's say her name is Ygritte. Cause when you speak with her, she will always escalate things so that she got the bigger story. Whatever the subject is, she wants to make you feel "sweet summer child, you know nothing". She doesn't even have to be in the story, but she knows better than you do.
So we talk stories about old people retiring in a faraway land and conveniently die out of everyone sight after marrying a local. Of course, that was just child's play, Ygritte had a better story than that. She knew a guy, friend of the family who went to like Cambodia or something like that in Asia. Apparently the law there was that foreigner can't own land and properties, so when he marries a local and buy a huge house / sport car / whatever, everything is in the bride's name. One day the police storms in, the man doesn't understand. And they discover the bride hacked to pieces in the sport car trunk. The man goes to jail and nobody hears from him ever again. Supposedly it was the parents of the bride who hacked their own daughter to pieces so that the man goes to prison and they inherit all the stuff that was bought in their daughter's name.
That story was a bit hard to swallow.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:35:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
me when i was a kid.
When i was about 11 years old, maybe younger, i'm not quite sure, i told my friends that i had a girlfriend who i had sex with on the reg, and then her dad caught me, tazed me, and then they moved to afghanistan because her dad had to fight in the war
jayleavitt91 · 1 points · Posted at 16:35:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had a co worker who would lie about stupid shit some of the best lines i have ever heard come out of someone convinced that we would believe him,
" I was a army navy seal" " yeah its a secret section of Seals where we cross train and learn to pilot every aircraft and tank"
s00prtr00pr · 1 points · Posted at 16:36:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
His name is Max and he claimed to have ruined his mom's apartment completely the day before the night we were there for a party. Even though most of us had been there before he claimed that the furniture were new even when we said we knew they were the same as before. It was awkward when he just stopped and looked into his beer trying to figure out life.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:36:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My ex girlfriend from 3 years ago. The biggest compulsive liar I had ever met. Two times she told me that I had got her pregnant. The first time was a few months after we met. About a month after she told me she was pregnant she went and got an "abortion" without telling me she was going, nor did she ask me to help pay for it. Ok. Second time the same thing happened. The worst of them I was told was when she attempted to sabatoge me and my dads relationship. My parents divorced when I was in 6th grade, for due to my age, my dad didn't really tell me the reason why until many years later since I would not understand it. My dad ended up remarrying 2 years after. But anyways, she tried to convince me that she knew the ACTUAL reason behind the divorce, that what I was told was just a coverup. Told me that my dad was cheating on my mom years before the divorce with my future stepmother, and that he left my mom to be with her. I left her after that, couldn't take the lying anymore. She spent some time in a mental hospital awhile back I had heard.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:36:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My ex girlfriend from 3 years ago. The biggest compulsive liar I had ever met. Two times she told me that I had got her pregnant. The first time was a few months after we met. About a month after she told me she was pregnant she went and got an "abortion" without telling me she was going, nor did she ask me to help pay for it. Ok. Second time the same thing happened. The worst of them I was told was when she attempted to sabatoge me and my dads relationship. My parents divorced when I was in 6th grade, for due to my age, my dad didn't really tell me the reason why until many years later since I would not understand it. My dad ended up remarrying 2 years after. But anyways, she tried to convince me that she knew the ACTUAL reason behind the divorce, that what I was told was just a coverup. Told me that my dad was cheating on my mom years before the divorce with my future stepmother, and that he left my mom to be with her. I left her after that, couldn't take the lying anymore. She spent some time in a mental hospital awhile back I had heard.
multiplesifl · 1 points · Posted at 16:37:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a girl who said she had a sexual encounter with two members of the band Rancid and that she blew Marilyn Manson. She was 13.
mrtiddlywinks1 · 1 points · Posted at 16:37:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He said he broke a mans nose by dabbing.
HyperBooper · 1 points · Posted at 16:37:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Unfortunately this guy left his position before I started working at the same place, but my coworkers have told me quite a bit.
He enjoyed telling people stories about his childhood, but each time he did, he had grown up in a different country.
dunaan · 1 points · Posted at 16:37:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Tae Kwon Do world champion, while we were in 8th grade
Smooman21 · 1 points · Posted at 16:38:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This isn't a story, but a compulsive liar said to me that they were "physically incapable of telling a lie"... That really says it all.
part-time_genius · 1 points · Posted at 16:38:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I worked at Outback as a server for a while, and during that time I had a coworker who claimed to play football for the Huskers and also work as a police officer--when he wasn't serving food.
His best claim was that he had "reset" a blind man's vision by punching him in the temple.
One slow evening while most of the servers were congregated in the kitchen and I overheard this guy telling people he was also a karate master, I bet him that I could kick higher than him. (I can kick pretty damn high and this dude's physique bore a striking resemblance to Pac-Man, so I could not believe he accepted my challenge.) He squatted down a few times--his body's heft almost concealing his stub legs--and suddenly he sprang up and threw his leg into the air. His toes probably achieved an altitude of 6.5 feet. It was really impressive.
Reel_Won · 1 points · Posted at 16:39:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know a country boy named Dylan. Now this story is going to sound like I'm making it up but I swear on everything that he told me this story and said it was true.
Dillon and one of his friends named Francisco were walking through the woods one day. While they happened to be strolling along they came across a bobcat. Well the bobcat attacked Francisco. Dylan's first reaction was to pull out a Molotov cocktail, which he just happened to be carrying with him, and throw it on the bobcat while it was attacking Francisco. Well this made the Bobcat very angry, as you would suspect, and it ran at Dylan. Once it got close, he pulled out another Molotov cocktail and shoved it right down the bobcats open mouth down its throat and killed it.
P.S. Francisco, also a compulsive liar, confirmed the story.
PM_FOR_FUN_FACTS · 1 points · Posted at 16:39:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh I have a good one,
I had a buddy who lied just as easily as you breathe. He was interested in mixed martial arts for a while and told me and another friend that he could train us if we wanted. Sure, fine. It was something to do were we could hit stuff. Well, the first day we show up for "training" he tells us that he's got a girl upstairs in his room that he's also teaching and he'll be back and forth between us and her because he doesn't want to mix us and then winks at us... he goes into the house and we start laughing.
This guy is about 400 pounds and has never had a girlfriend in his life, still lives with mom and dad at the age of 25 and has never had a job. The alleged girl in his room was supposedly a gorgeous blonde.
Eventually we head inside to get some water and his mom is sitting watching TV and reminds us that we can't go upstairs because her son has a girl up there.... she was corroborating his bull crap.
If you want I'll tell you the story of when he approached a group of 8/10s and tried to neg them.
Loocem · 1 points · Posted at 16:40:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a guy who told me he had a special version of Knights of the Old Republic that allowed him to go to the Death Star and blow it up. It was a special hidden edition that looked identical to any other Xbox disc but one in every twenty thousand or so had this special level on it. He lent it to his cousins though so I couldn't see it.
nomenMei · 1 points · Posted at 16:40:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Bibb I xnn
Doingitwronf · 1 points · Posted at 16:40:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
If I were a writer for American Dad, I'd be using this thread for Roger material.
StromThurman · 1 points · Posted at 16:40:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh man....
A guy at work on various occasions told he "Designed the A/C system for fighter jets.." (It was some sort of evaporative cooler that used the speed of the plane itself.... holy shit there was so much wrong with that I got tongue tied.
He delivered all his own children. Told the Doc to "get out of the way"... And BECAUSE of his experience, he delivered a baby for a stranger. In her car. On the highway. He used his pocket knife to cut the cord.
He was riding his horse in the mountains, and was attacked by a mountain lion... So he SHOT THE HORSE to scare the mountain lion.... evidently some kind of wilderness Keyser Sose maneuver.
He was rife.... almost sad he retired.
Scottish__Beef · 1 points · Posted at 16:40:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Her: "I LOVE GTA V! I completed it in 2 days!"
Me: "really? Like, 100%, all collectibles etc?"
Her: "yeah! I'm such a Nerd!"
Me: "who was your favourite character?"
Her: "the main one"
...
She's one of my girlfriend's friends and has a history of bullshitting about everything and yet no one calls her out on it.
reidyboy102998 · 1 points · Posted at 16:40:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One of my classmates from my math class (10th grade) kept telling me things that were really unbelievable. He told me that he "worked" at GameStop. A day passes by and he says he works at a fitness club. I never actually believed him but he was really annoying for the rest of the year because he kept lying to me straight to my face.
TerpBE · 1 points · Posted at 16:41:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I remember a kid in school told me that his mom ate something really spicy and smoke came out of her ears. Just a little bit, though.
againstme93 · 1 points · Posted at 16:41:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What if the people writing these stories about compulsive liars are actually compulsive liars?
hellscoop · 1 points · Posted at 16:41:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Anything and everything that has ever come out of their mouth
jayleavitt91 · 1 points · Posted at 16:42:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Worked at a pet store where the owner would say she owned like every animal if someone was to bring them up, here are a few examples.
Bats pigs horses every breed of dog, owl, eagle, mongoose, Honey badgers, Longhorns, Wolfs,
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:43:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend that admitted to me, and only me, that he would lie in middle school to make his life seem cooler. Said he held the home run distance record in the state for little league, he had a ton of autographs from pros, that an NFL QB was his neighbor. Being in 7th grade, I never bothered to call BS on his stories. Lost touch with the guy put hopefully he's not doing it anymore.
mer0011 · 1 points · Posted at 16:43:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"Seriously I'm not a slut" - sorry Kaitlin.
buskoro · 1 points · Posted at 16:44:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had a guy in high school try and say that he was a professional skateboarder (with sponsors and everything) and that Tony Hawk is now a friend of the family and comes to his house sometimes for dinner.
This was a very lonely individual who struggled to make friends and was socially awkward. Came from a fairly poor household and didn't know his dad.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:45:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A subreddit full of them is r/tifu
thegreatburner · 1 points · Posted at 16:45:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I dated this women for a few weeks and I realized what she was so we stopped dating but she was fun to party with and I was 19 so she still hung around my house.
A close family friend of mine committed suicide and he was like a father to me. I came home from the funeral and she was at my house. She offered to take my car to get us some food and some weed so we could sit and watch movies that night. I gave her my keys and she left. I ended up falling asleep and sleeping like 14 hours. I woke up and she was gone. This was back when most people didnt have cell phones so I had to call around to try to find her. She finally showed up and without any breakfast or anything. She claimed she met a guy to get weed and he sexually assaulted her so she went home to sleep instead of coming back to my house. I didnt want to dismiss her claims in case she was assaulted but I asked around and she was out partying all night and driving my car around completely fucked up. She basically abandoned me in grieve and took my car so we were done at that point.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:46:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Look through my history. Find the lies. I promise more than half of them are real but I might be lying now
Chadarnook · 1 points · Posted at 16:46:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend in middle school that would tell outrages stories about all his friends. He told me that he once had a friend who got kicked out of Disney Land because he was really good at picking locks. He picked the lock on his harness at the top of the Matterhorn and got out of the roller coaster. Then he took a pocket knife and cut one of the stalagmites in half and laid down on top of it. Lastly, he pulled out some ketchup packets and squirted them on his chest and put the top of the stalagmite on the ketchup. When the next group of passengers got to the top of the Matterhorn, they were horrified. Then, when they investigated, Disney kicked him out of the park.
I_hate_your_nose · 1 points · Posted at 16:46:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy from a job years ago, he said he invented Tetris in the early 1990s but the diskette was stolen (by the Russians) from his drawer.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:46:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
1
LS240 · 1 points · Posted at 16:46:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Don't have any real fun or interesting stories, but I knew this girl a few years back that simply could not stop lying. She did it so casually and easily and even when called out on her lies publicly would just go with a new lie and pretend she never said the old thing.
One small example is when she showed up at a car meet one night in a lifted diesel truck which I'd never seen her driving. I asked if it was hers and she told me no, it was her roommate's. Literally as she finishes saying that another guy walks up and says "Nice truck.", and she replies; "Thanks I just bought it today!". I called her out about just telling me it was her roommate's a few seconds before and she said she never told me that and doubled down on the lie by saying she paid cash for it that night. She did this so smooth and casually it's almost impressive, like she actually believes her own bullshit and reality is just supposed to change around her or something.
She also had an old Subaru SVX(worth about $2k) that someone was going to trade her a built MKIV Supra for($40k+) because he's an SVX collector and her color combo is rare. Needless to say that trade fell through. Probably for the best though since her completely-stock SVX was apparently magic and had 400+hp at the wheels from a "Venom 400 performance module."
Some people are just really strange.
DankMemeTrainV2 · 1 points · Posted at 16:47:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"I love you"...she said that too me, and I fell for it...so hard
nofate301 · 1 points · Posted at 16:47:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A coworker I work with knows/knew
And talks at length how he would get into conversations all the time with them.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:49:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was a compulsive liar as a child. I lied about everything from being psychic to having a theme park in my back garden. Appropriately, I'm now an estate agent.
waynehead310 · 1 points · Posted at 16:49:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
While in college, had a friend tell me about a time he had sex with a firefighter while he was in high school. And this happened at the fire station. She slid down the pole upside down to give him head. I can't believe he was so lucky that she would risk her career for sex with a high school student.
AlexTheFalse · 1 points · Posted at 16:50:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
His grandma used to be a ninja defusing bombs for the US at WW2. Acording to him his grandma is the only reason we aren't all dead.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:50:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:15:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I noticed it, though these comments are all going straight into my inbox. I guess I should have turned that feature off, but I didn't expect to get over 2000 replies.
dragonite19 · 1 points · Posted at 16:50:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Some kid at my school told me his drug dealer let him borrow his car to make a drug delivery 1h away and while doing the delivery he got jumped and killed 2 guys with the gun that his dealer also let him borrow. He said it happened when he was 12 and he told me the story when he was 15. We live in pretty much the whitest town in our area.
ludololl · 1 points · Posted at 16:51:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he was married to another co-worker who was currently about 7 months pregnant with his kid.
Plot Twist: He wasn't married, not his kid. Don't know how he expected that one to last.
pelican737 · 1 points · Posted at 16:51:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That I am a Canadian.
I'm from Texas.
wimaine · 1 points · Posted at 16:51:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My mother called my 11-year-old son and told him how she'd died twice the day before. She told him that her heart completely stopped twice. She called 911 both times after it happened, and that the paramedics showed up and brought her back with the paddles (defibrillator). After both times, they supposedly left after telling her that she could die again at any moment.
He was terrified and sobbing.
TheyCallMeCoalDust · 1 points · Posted at 02:33:23 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
She said she called 911 after dying?
wimaine · 1 points · Posted at 11:49:03 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
yep
MechAegis · 1 points · Posted at 16:51:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he got 1,056 after school dententions 356 lunch dententions last year. This was back in middle school.
Daedalus871 · 1 points · Posted at 16:52:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One day in high school I felt like making up some bullshit, so I told my friends that I had an Xbox in my car and played racing games while driving. I said that I had installed a monitor in the steering wheel, hooked up the peddles as the controls, and hooked up the Xbox to the alternator. When asked how I didn't drive off the road while playing, it was obviously because I had created my own set of custom tracks using Google maps.
OffTheDeepEndDarling · 1 points · Posted at 16:52:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That she was secretly Carly Rae Jepsen, her brother was Chris Brown, her sisters were Chelsea and Kailyn from Teen Mom, and T.I. was her dad. She also lied about having 8 kids, and told the school nurse she was pregnant (she obviously wasn't). We were in seventh grade.
vinvhgl28 · 1 points · Posted at 16:52:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So this girl is admiring a GP2 racer who is my friend A relative. She told the whole class that she went to London for holiday to see her idol and post some pictures about that race in London. Few days later my friend found out that it was his cousin's pictures that actually live there and watched the race and there are still some more.
Cymbaline6 · 1 points · Posted at 16:52:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He gave his cat an appendectomy at age four and learned how to fly a helicopter at age five.
There are countless other one-upper stories and vaguely plausible stories that were probably lies (like the black belt and the girlfriend back home we never heard much about), but those two about the cat and helicopter stick out. Everyone in the room was laughing hard when he told them, and then everyone left as he insisted angrily that they were true.
kmaki09 · 1 points · Posted at 16:53:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm a teacher and I had a student last year who would tell ridiculous stories to other kids in the class AND THEY ALWAYS BELIEVED HIM. Some highlights: - He found $2000 at his uncle's house and used all the money to buy his girlfriend thongs from Victoria's Secret. - He can ski really fast, like at least 15 MPH. - He stole his mom's car, crashed it in a field, left it there and walked home, and his mom never noticed that he took the car.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:10:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
How old are the kids?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:53:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
MAGA
xXEchoFiveXx · 1 points · Posted at 16:54:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ex girlfriend told me she shot herself in the hand with a shotgun, but didn't need surgery. Legit in the palm of her hand with a 12 gauge. I showed her how big a 12 gauge round was and she said, oh it must have been something else then.
GoldenOlive · 1 points · Posted at 16:54:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Him: "Did you know what is the group of people to die the most in snowy areas?"
Me: "People who do winter sports...? I don't know."
Him: "No, it's actually Metal bands who go filming there for clips and album covers."
Me: "Where the fuck did you pull that bullshit from???"
Him: "My dad wrote an article about it?" (His dad is actually a news reporter / journalist).
Me: "Well, where is it? I would love to read it."
Him: "I don't know, I don't keep track of everything he does..."
Me: "Get out."
wineisawesome · 1 points · Posted at 16:54:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
One of my previous roommates regularly stole my food, booze and bathroomproducts.
She denied it every single time even though the evidence in general was overwhelming and kept on lying on how someone else must have taken or used these things. It was just ridiculous when she kept on denying she ate my rice dish while there was still sauce and 2 grains of rice on her chin or when she denied eating my chocolate with chocolate smudges around her mouth. Another fine example is when she stole my soap again, then put it in her room in the first place you see when the door was open....
She lied about a lot of other things as well, but this part was understandably the most frustrating for me...
Fuck you Julie, I hoped you enjoyed the laxatives I put in my pot of chocolate paste right before I moved out of there... And just so you know: the small amount of guilt I felt disappeared immediately after I heard my other roommate peed in his pot of jam you liked to eat so much. The jar of jam was empty before I moved out...
banjo-fittings · 1 points · Posted at 16:54:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This roommate of my best friend is a total douche, always trying to be the big man around town. He bought a used VW Scirricco (nice car) but when I asked how many miles are on it, he says 71K. We get in for a test ride and I see on the odometer that it has nearly 200K miles. Fuckin' retard!
Jaci_D · 1 points · Posted at 16:54:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
my friends friend (i actually hate her cause of how much she lies) pregnancy. every time i look at her she is "pregnant". surprise, surprise. she actually is for the first time and the dad wants to give it up. but for some reason giving up this baby is a problem, but not any of the past 5 "babies".....
vintage-tea · 1 points · Posted at 16:54:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Their 'best friend' in the army was in an explosion on duty, flown back home but to a secret location, was in intensive care hooked on tubes and wires, then a few weeks later he tries to commit suicide in the woods, then about 2 weeks after that he's killed on duty (2 days after I had a bereavement funnily enough) but had the funeral, headstone put up which was then decimated all before the funeral I was attending even took place about a week after the death. We all knew she was lying but was too scared to pull her up on it because she was already pretty unstable. Then a few months later her compulsive lying was confirmed when a friend of hers who didn't know about all this told us she'd been texting and flirting with this dude who was meant to be dead. A year on she now thinks it was all bullshit and she was being catfished.
Just one of the stories anyway
rossbcobb · 1 points · Posted at 16:55:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a guy in high school who told me that he collected hummers, had like 23 of them.
boramk · 1 points · Posted at 16:56:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Either the biggest liar or the most accomplished man ever
mistakeshappen1 · 1 points · Posted at 16:57:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Worked with a guy that:
Was married and had a kid, the kid died, they divorced, he turns gay (meanwhile hes only 26 at this point)
Had testicular cancer and beat it
Said he made a movie in california
Owned a very busy fudge shop (but they closed and he was working in retail at this point)
And said he was our 3rd keyholder (and we only ever had one)
Just that person that has to beat you at everything and has "already been there, done that and did it better"
Beans_The_Baked · 1 points · Posted at 16:57:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The real question is, who of these commentors is a compulsive liar and therefore are lying about the lie they've been told.
Rennietablet · 1 points · Posted at 16:57:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
An old friend told me years ago that it was HIS dad that made wearing jeans outside of work fashionable.
TheDigileet · 1 points · Posted at 16:57:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A coworker kid still in high school (I work in fast food) constantly bragged about how his family has millions of dollars, and he drives a twin turbo V8 BMW. He wouldn't tell me what model it was when I asked. After he clocked out, he went to the Walgreen's next door and waited for his mom to clock out.
YisThatUsernameTaken · 1 points · Posted at 16:57:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My cousin told me he was deciding on which of the three girls who wanted to have sex with him he would have sex with first, and he then bragged about having sex with two other girls. We were in sixth grade.
Sirthatsmybutthole · 1 points · Posted at 16:58:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a guy, lets call him Jake. Jake was kind of an attention whore. We were at a party in college and he was trying to gain pity points from everyone (for some reason), and he had a small cut on his hand and he was dabbing it with a napkin. Then proceeded to cough and act like he was coughing up blood on the napkin, which obviously did not look like spit, but clearly dabs from his thorn sized cut on his hand.
What a baby.
super_ray · 1 points · Posted at 16:58:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He desperately tried to convince me that he used to be nearly 6'4 before being hit by a car!
uGGo7 · 1 points · Posted at 16:59:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I wonder how many compulsive liars are here lying about the lies
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:59:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I didn't personally know her, only through the internet. I followed her on instagram & tumblr. We talked online a few times. She was soo beautiful, red, flowing hair, listened to good music, loved cats, and she had cancer. She would post photo's of her five friends & her, and they had a shared a blog, they'd talk about going to concerts together, the music they liked, etc. Her one friend had already lost her twin brother to cancer, & that made them closer friends.
Anyways, Sydney was struggling, health wise. She said her cancer came back, & she had ovarian cancer too. It was strange, now that I think about it, she'd post about her cancer but would never have any photo's in the hospital, never lost her hair, never lost or gained weight, never looked sick, and yet claimed she was so sick she was in a coma. One day, she deleted her blog & instagram. So did almost all her friends & boyfriend. A post floated around the internet. Sydney wasn't real. 'Sydney' had a disease that was essentially her pretending to be a sick person. None of her story was true. The girl in the photo's wasn't the same girl who was posting in the blog. This girl didn't have those friends. This girl was never ill in her life. This girl had Münchausen by Internet.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:59:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh boy, where do I start...
That's only the stuff I can remember off the top of my head for now.
Tyrantt_47 · 1 points · Posted at 16:59:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ex gf gave me many when we broke up:
"I was so sad that I took 10 ambiens and went for a drive. I need you to pick me up or I'll crash."
One month after the breakup mother calls me: "ex gf is in the hospital right now, they think she miscarried" funny thing was: 2 weeks before we broke up, she had a pregnancy blood test done to get on the pill, came back negative. Over the 2 weeks before we broke up, we didn't have sex once because I wasn't in the mood due to her drinking addiction. Then she calls me the next day: "the baby was yours, it was the size of a golf ball." But upon research, being pregnant for 1 month, the fetus wouldn't be anywhere close to that big. In other words, try made the shit up. Especially considering we didn't have sex at all after the negative prego test.
And of course the classic one: "I'm gonna kill myself because life without you is meaningless." Funny thing is, a year later I walked by her at the theater (she didn't notice me) and she was alive and well
Ninjahkin · 1 points · Posted at 16:59:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Acquaintance of mine from high school wound up at the same university I went to. He only ever did band in high school seeing as he was a bit on the chubby side...turns out when I got to college, found out he'd been telling everyone he "doesn't do sports anymore since he tore his ACL playing QB in football back in high school." ...and in basketball. ...and in baseball. ...and in tennis, except I could confirm he didn't play that either since I was on the tennis team.
Seeders · 1 points · Posted at 17:00:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dude said he crashed his mom's WRX in to a corn field going 140mph. I said "wow that's intense, was she upset?"
"No she never found out. I just drove it home and pulled the corn out from under the car and she never noticed."
cyborgpuppies · 1 points · Posted at 17:00:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In grade school, there was this girl who lied about EVERYTHING even the things that didn't matter like where she was born, her family etc. One day she came in with some poetry she wrote and passed it around, claiming she wrote it about a little boy she babysat who had cancer. I was suspicious but let it go because whatever I'm not friends with this girl I don't care. Flash forward like a week later I'm sitting in the library reading a Chicken Soup book when I come across none other than her poem, obviously ripped. I called her out on it and she tells me that the girl who submitted the poem stole it from her and that they were in a legal battle about it right now, actually. Obviously I never believed a word she said because I knew better but it was just sad how she tried to take credit for something so personal and easily checked, but I guess that's just what liars do.
arctictony · 1 points · Posted at 17:00:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"There are weapons of mass destruction in Iraq"
DoctorOctagonapus · 1 points · Posted at 17:01:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A former school friend spent a summer trying to convince me he'd murdered someone. Looked me in the eyes and told me. I realised he'd made it up when his story started changing.
He is no longer my friend.
lukesvader · 1 points · Posted at 17:01:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My wife knew someone in school who told everyone she had cancer. People were feeling sorry for her for some time, until one day she says her cancer's gone. She had lain an egg and the cancer was in it.
Korquist · 1 points · Posted at 17:02:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
If someone is a compulsive liar in this thread and lie about knowing a compulsive liar, it still fits.
Popcycle-guzzler · 1 points · Posted at 17:03:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My brother in law. He's a cop and said that he pulled over George W Bush for speeding but let him go with a warning. This was when he was president.
He also says that when he went to mass at the Vatican, on Christmas, the pope picked him out of the crowd, brought him up on stage, and personally blessed him.
JobieWanKenobi · 1 points · Posted at 17:04:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Told me he fell asleep during his small town city council meeting and awoke to find out they made him the mayor...
FabulousLlama · 1 points · Posted at 17:04:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My ex-gf told me she fucked the South Carolinas state senators son, and couldn't get an abortion because her mother was against it, and she wouldn't tell him because she didn't want to ruin his perfect name or something, but eventually got an abortion. I believed it because we were pretty good friends and I didn't know she was a compulsive liar, sooo like 2 months ago, a mutual friend was like, yeah, that never happened. Looking back, that's a ridiculous story I shouldn't have believed.
TravelingAdrenaline · 1 points · Posted at 17:04:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A girl I met sometime ago told me and a group of friends she got bullied because she was openly in the LGBT community, and a couple of guys from her school came up to her on the train and started calling her names, punching her and eventually beating her with a hammer, which caused her to have a concussion. She refused to call the cops or something, but after a couple of days she told us her parents called the cops. I don't know what exactly happened then, but a couple of people in that group really didn't buy it anymore and confronted her with details about concessions that didn't correspond with her story and stuff like that, and she told us she lied (I think it was because she was on her way to meet up with some of them and she was too nervous).
Tichy500 · 1 points · Posted at 17:04:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I knew one and she used to be my BFF. She told everyone she had ovarian cancer a few years prior and could never have kids. She said she had been in the military and had exhausted her G.I. Bill by going to school a lot and getting a bunch of degrees.
Shortly after she up and left town. She's since had 2 kids naturally. I googled her and found an old resume that didn't mention her military career and Oh.... she's got 5 aliases.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:05:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Growing up my best friend was a compulsive liar:
-he killed someone
-he could "disable your entire nervous system" with pressure points because he insisted he'd taken a special type of martial arts his whole life (our parents knew each other when they were pregnant with us so I've known him my whole life literally and he definitely didn't do martial arts).
-he uploaded a bunch of music to some site claiming he made it all (i make music and he had NEVER mentioned making music ever) I ended up finding the guy who actually made the music. My friend just blatantly stole it.
Wish I could remember more. Constantly Fucking lying it was crazy. What is the mindset that causes people to think they'll be believed about ridiculous lies?
jv20three · 1 points · Posted at 17:05:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One day, one of my friends said he was leaving for boot camp. We drove by his house a week later to check on his mom, whom was old and ill. We didn't see him, but she clued us in that he was still there. Apparently, he hid in the back room and did so for the next 6 months until he got "dishonorably discharged." He didn't gain one once of muscle and had a full beard to go with his "military cut" hairdo. I have no idea how he thought this would be believable.
BamfBurrito · 1 points · Posted at 17:08:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My coworker was a compulsive liar. A couple things I remember :
He only ate salad and would eat 30 salads a day.
He swam for 6 hours a day.
He has played every video game ever made.
He never really did his job and would sleep though work a lot. Needless to say he got fired. Perhaps swimming all day whilst eating salad was too much for his body to take.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:08:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
An old friend of mine had an older girlfriend. She claimed to have had a sexual relationship with James Franco, and that she'd signed a NDA. She also said she'd hung out with Daft Punk and knew Ellen Page personally ("her number is in my phone"). She lied and said her mom was sick as an excuse to break up with my friend. She "couldn't handle a relationship" at the time. She was dating someone else within days.
Neodogstar · 1 points · Posted at 17:08:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The kid woukd constantly make really overcomplicated plans to destroy the human race and he would talk about how he's done all the experiments or founds ways to complete his goals.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:08:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he suffers from a rare variety of brain tumour and there were only 2 surgeons in the entire country who could operate it out. This 'surgery' was to be performed under 'circumcisional' anaesthesia. Did I mention we were all in med school when this happened?
collectiveradiobaby · 1 points · Posted at 17:09:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My SO's brother. Idk if I'd say he's as ridiculous as some of the people I've read in this thread, but there has been some stupid ass shit he spouts. Worst of all, it's usually in front of/told to other family members who can without a doubt deny that what he said happened.
My favorite is one time (we run a family business) he's schmoozing with a customer & decides to tell the guy that he doesn't know his father well because he was never there for them. All the while me, his brothers AND his father are right fucking there hearing this. Just ridiculous.
chem9dog · 1 points · Posted at 17:10:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In high school a good friend of mine told me a story what happened to him over the weekend. The story he told me was a story I told him about myself a few months before, he just told as though it was him... not realizing I WAS THE ONE THAT TOLD HIM THE STORY TO BEGIN WITH!
TheGoluxNoMereDevice · 1 points · Posted at 17:10:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My fathers old boss once claimed that his father won two victoria crosses. Well only 3 people have ever won two, and non of them could have been his dad. Why he would tell such an obvious lie i have no idea.
Porrick · 1 points · Posted at 17:11:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My ex.
She told me she was Jewish. Wore a Star of David and everything, filled her room with menorahs (I had no idea at the time that they are a seasonal thing).
When I went to stay with her family in Austria, it was pork for dinner the first evening. So I say "Oh, so you don't keep Kosher, that's cool". The father asks "Why would we keep Kosher?"
Turns out that not only were they not Jewish, they were pretty antisemitic.
Same girlfriend also told me a different date for her birthday every time I asked (and was angry when I missed her actual birthday). Also made up a bunch of stories about my mother stealing her clothes, which made me not speak to my mother for a couple of years. She made up similar stuff for pretty much any family member she suspected I was close to, and after a few years I was in contact with nobody in my family at all. And I'd moved to Germany to be close to her, so I had none of my friends near me anyway and I wasn't very eloquent in German so it was slow going picking up new ones. Especially since I would very quickly discover (through my loving girlfriend) that they were evil in some weird way.
Turns out I was a gullible idiot.
Time_splitter · 1 points · Posted at 17:11:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You know it's funny, I would have a reasonable chance of winning a bet that one of the top 5 comments in this thread were actually made up by a pathological liar.
shinyquartersquirrel · 1 points · Posted at 17:11:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The story about how her father called her from his cell phone on an airplane. Only problem was cell phones didn't actually exist then.
The time she claimed to have hand made a birthday cake and then we found the package from the grocery store that actually made it. "They just let me have the package."
The time she posted "her" x-rays on facebook, except one of them had someone else's name and the other was the first one to pop up in a google image search.
The best was when she claimed her husband had "roid rage" from his asthma inhaler.
And every other word out of that crazy bitches mouth.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:12:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He claimed that he helped create Minecraft and that he still worked for Mojang and they put money in his bank account all the time. This was when we were freshman in high school.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:12:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He claimed that he helped create Minecraft and that he still worked for Mojang and they put money in his bank account all the time. This was when we were freshman in high school.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:12:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I knew a girl who would just make shit up on the fly that was completely ridiculous and obviously false but she didn't seem to realize it and nobody called her on it.
she would use the same "rape" story (I mean, exactly the same outlandish, non-rape type incident with multiple guys on separate occasions) every time she cheated on her boyfriend with a new guy. She would say "she thought the other guy was her boyfriend, because they were wearing the same color shirt, and it was dark so she had sex with them, is that rape?" -- she wasn't blind or retarded either, she could see well enough to know that a 5'6 red haired skinny teenager wasn't her 6' black haired chubby boyfriend.
she would phrase it that way when she told the story: "do you think that's rape?", she was like (but not really) retarded. personally witnessing fake rape accusations really makes it easy to understand why police don't believe "the victims". She didn't give a shit and gave no consideration to the fact that she's basically calling these dudes she had sex with rapists, she just wanted to pretend she didn't cheat on her boyfriend after he found out. It was so strange to have someone actually telling a story like that then asking "is that rape", it's like, uh, what?
her boyfriend was sort of the same way though, so that makes sense out of their relationship..
xxxarkhamknightsxxx · 1 points · Posted at 17:13:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My parents told me that Santa existed.
lord_gaben3000 · 1 points · Posted at 17:13:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He was born with an elongated alien skull (like this: http://indianajones.wikia.com/wiki/Crystal_skull) and had to have it surgically removed when he was 3.
ItsMarkham · 1 points · Posted at 17:13:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This one guy I know said he filmed a disabled woman at McDonald's. Apparently she got really mad and yelled "DON'T MAKE FUN OF DISABLED PEOPLE"
Apparently she went on to call the cops and the guy left.
I know he is lying when he says he can't find the video.
chl0efaith · 1 points · Posted at 17:13:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
OH! I have one of those friends. Sometimes it's lies, other times it's just ridiculous shit. Examples:
•"I once fingered a girl... to death"
•"I can bench press 800lbs" (he was, at best, a beanpole)
•"I am the #1 competitive WoW player in the world"
•"If you didn't want me to approach you and start spooning you while you were passed out, you should have told me"
That's all I can remember at the moment, I can probably call my sister and get more.
stumach · 1 points · Posted at 17:13:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One mate told us he had a brain tumour and was given months to live.
Another told me that he had set up a limited company and that two of my mates were "major shareholders", funny thing is they were both in the room as well as it was a bit of a party before a night out. Same friend told us his own sister had AIDS and that one his "shareholder" friends spent the first 5 years of his life in hospital. He's changed now though and seems a lot sounder and saner
PhallaphobianPheonix · 1 points · Posted at 17:14:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have a friend from high school who has not gone to college and has never had a job besides Old Navy claim that he is currently working as a financial advisor and making six figures. He says he's "Doing what Dave Ramsay is doing." When asked about how he got a six figure job at the age of 22 with no college degree and still living with his parents, he says, "My backround is all finance" and "I interviewed really well"
It kind of sucks because my friends and I really like him and he would do anything for us but he is full of shit
progrocker2 · 1 points · Posted at 17:14:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I know a few pathological liars. I've done some research and noticed that bad home lives or boring lives tend to be the cause. Which is very true with all the examples.
One friend claimed he "played guitar" but that he had "forgotten everything" in 4 years. When he played my guitar, it was blatantly obvious he had never played in his life. Ironically, this friend was dating another pathological liar. She once said "I've heard that progrocker2 is a huge partier now" to Y girlfriend (they were friends at the time), despite the fact that she went to a different university, and only talked to one person that went to my university, her boyfriend, who, despite being a pathological liar, wouldn't say that about me, as we're very good friends. Anyway, I'm one of the lamest college students ever, all I do is study and basically things that involve staying in my dorm room and I hardly ever go out, so she just made this up.
Another friend claimed he had cut his balls open when shaving his ball sack. However, when we were in the public showers, it looked like he had never shaved his balls his entire life (we were in high school, we flashed junk at each Other all the time. Give us a break). Same friend also exaggerates all the time. This dude is not really much to look at, in any sense of the word, and claims he's fucked 4 women. There are 2 maybe's, but nobody who has outright said it. Once relayed a conversation to us that he'd had with another friend while they had been in a wreck, but his version of what they were saying while the car was flipping, which would have only taken 20 seconds, took about a minute, and said friend was there and said "I didn't say any of that." This friend also claims to be adept at all video games, but even I've beaten him at some, and I am fucking awful. He also can't decide if he's gay or bi, but I don't know if that is actually part of pathological lying, or if he is legitimately having issues with his sexuality. He's always making things up or exaggerating, so it's pretty hard to tell with him.
Another friend said she was pregnant. 4 different times. The fourth time, though, it was actually true. In general she was also known to exaggerate and make things up as well, but I can't remember any super notable examples at the moment.
Anothernamelesacount · 1 points · Posted at 17:15:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh man, I'll never forget that one guy. He was lying outrageously, but it was so fun hearing him talk. He was an awesome liar.
He said that he was a former foreign affair minister in Argentina but he quitted because he wanted to join the family business as an ice-cream master. I kid you not, he said that shit.
That was obvious bullshit, but hell damn it was fun to hear for 16 year old me.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:15:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm a journalist. While this might surprise the cynical among you, being trustworthy is really, REALLY important in this field. Once your credibility is gone, it's almost impossible to get it back. Just ask Stephen Glass.
Anyway, there was this guy in journalism school. We all hated him. He got banned from all four campus media outlets - two newspapers, a radio station and a television station all hated him enough to tell him to never come back. He was combative and annoying. And, we soon found out, he had a really big problem with the truth.
It started with his talk of having published a book. As first year students in university, this sounded extremely impressive. Until, of course, we googled his name and the word "book." No results. But he always had some bullshit excuse. "Oh, the publisher is just fact-checking it," that kind of thing.
One day, I bump into him on campus. He asks me what I've been up to, I name a few places I've been writing for. He says he's written for all of them. I look into it - he's published fucking letters to the editor.
This all culminated a few years later. He ended up writing a freelance story for our local paper, where I and some other friends happened to be interning. This isn't some small town paper, it's one of the biggest in Canada. And to be honest, the story he wrote was actually really good: it got on the front page. Well, it would have been good, if it was real...
Turns out, he made it up. And fabricated quotes. And attributed them to someone who was dead.
The paper ran a retraction the next day. This was three years ago, he hasn't worked in media since. Last I heard, he was living in the far north, doing God knows what.
Fuck that guy.
Sackbut97 · 1 points · Posted at 17:16:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I wonder how many of the stories here were created by pathological liars?
Killerbm9 · 1 points · Posted at 17:16:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One time i was in my ceramics class and he comes over and tells me how he drank ipecac and threw up in his dads car. This is the exact video from LABEAST and we asked him if he knew who LABEAST was and he said that he watched all his videos for a long time and was his favorite youtuber....
badf1nger · 1 points · Posted at 17:16:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he is going to "Make America great again".
theevilempire · 1 points · Posted at 17:18:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
We built a wall and Mexico paid for it
Toddyg85 · 1 points · Posted at 17:19:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There was a guy I worked with who was in the army although this may have been a lie too.
In the army he drove tanks and fixed them, did underwater welding, was the army's bare knuckle boxing champ, was a sniper who could easily shoot people from a literal mile away (he also claimed to have done the shot through the scope).
He would also always one up everything I or others said. If I said I had ten pints at the weekend, he had obviously had twenty and wasn't even drunk.
fake_plants · 1 points · Posted at 17:19:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he got a D in algebra 2 3 times because he was unmotivated, and that he secretly was a mathematical genius that designed guns, and that he has a guilt complex because he can trace a gun he made to South America where it was used by facist groups to kill innocents.
sojo_truth · 1 points · Posted at 17:20:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This one dude who's kind of a loser claimed he invented the internet. Oh yeah, he also claimed the earth was going to self destruct by 2010.
triton2toro · 1 points · Posted at 17:20:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've always wondered about the two women I've known who were compulsive liars. I couldn't tell if they were just making things up knowing they were lies and assuming we'd be all gullible enough to believe them or if they truly did live in an alternate reality where they honestly believed the things they were saying happened. The one thing we never did (as I wasn't close enough to either of them to care) was call them on their b.s. I wonder what would have happened. All this was pre-cell phone, so with constant videos and photos being taken, I wonder how they would reacted to hard evidence to the contrary. For example, they might say they went somewhere with a group of people- and then when pictures of said event are posted on Facebook or Instagram, and the person is not there, I wonder what they'd say in response.
SamuraiGuy24 · 1 points · Posted at 17:21:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Happened in elementary (primary) school throughout. There was this kid who's name was Zach, and was renowned for lying. He claimed to be adopted from Russia, his trump card being a picture of his family behind a fake Kremlin. Along with this, he went along with the idea of being a secret spy against Amerika, his "correspondant" being a substitute teacher who so happened to be born in the Soviet Union.
Everyone either ignored or just accepted the fact that 75% of the claims he made were bullshit, and went on with drawing inside the lines until he expanded his capabilities to theft. I started selling these Japanese sodas with marbles in them called Ramune. Everyday I would bring 2 packs of 4, and sell them for a sweet $1.50 each. After a week, some started to disappear from my backpack. I didn't really think much of it, until I noticed that Zach's backpack started to clink, as if there were glass bottles with marbles in them. Soon enough, the teachers had opened his bag and there they were, 3 bottles of my Ramune. I was missing 3. His excuse was that he bought them from a mall 3 hours away, on a school day. He got a school suspension while I was basking in my minor but good victory.
Fast forward to 8th grade, a mutual friend told me that Zach got caught shoplifting at a supermarket, claiming that the $60 dollar earbuds in the package were his.
TL;DR Classmate Zach claims he his Russian spy, requires the theft of Ramune and Earbuds for his mission.
KelRen · 1 points · Posted at 17:21:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I used to work with a woman who just randomly lied about all sorts of weird stuff.
She had held many jobs, such as: A nurse, airforce pilot, geek squad person, make-up artist for strippers, insurance agent, and a few other random things. Keep in mind, the job she had when we worked together paid nothing, so if she had all this experience in "real" professions like nursing why was she working there?
She also lied about medical procedures she'd had done and how many kids she had. Super strange lady.
theweirdbeard · 1 points · Posted at 17:21:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When I was 13, a friend of mine told me he was a "junior hitman" for the mafia. Never specified, just "the mafia." He tried to tell me once when he slept over that he had to sneak out in the middle of the night. I pointed out that we had alarms in the house. He said he went out the window. I pointed out that the windows had alarm sensors. He said he used a gum wrapper to bypass them. Eventually I realized he wasn't going to stop no matter how much I indicated that I knew he was lying. The weird part is he had no reason to make stuff up. He was an interesting guy with some legit talents.
Andato · 1 points · Posted at 17:21:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I used to work in a kitchen and the dishwasher was a little crazy. He told us that as a child, his family abandoned him in the forest a wolf adopted him. He literally tried to tell us he was raised by wolves. Apparently, after he grew old enough the wolves sent him back to live with humans. He was so strong from living in the wild that his adoptive mother would ask him to lift the fridge so she could clean underneath it. Eventually he joined a motorcycle gang and met the love of his life. The two of them started working their way up until they were leading the gang, smuggling drugs and guns. Until one day she was killed in a motorcycle accident and he left it all behind to go be a dishwasher for $7 an hour and live in his van.
Felkyr · 1 points · Posted at 17:22:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh. One of the reasons I had to wean myself of clan chat in Runescape.
There was this fuckhead that joined the clan that told us all about his prowess within his first week. Things such as: -He makes guns for the US military -He was a soldier -He knows how to shoot guns -He can complete medium dungeons (dungeoneering, on runescape) by himself, in 10 mins (they take me about 70-80 mins) -He once drank 3-4 cans of Redbull every day for a month, sometimes not sleeping for a few days at a time. This was in the name of the aforementioned dungeoneering.
There were a few other things but I saved them in my in-game notes for later laughter whenever I needed it. I can't recall them at the moment.
While these things may be true, his general alpha attitude in-game makes me think he'd just say anything he thinks is cool to vie for immediate respect in any given group of people, and he generally just rubs me the wrong way. Like fuckheads tend to.
mccoyster · 1 points · Posted at 17:22:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's not really that overwhelming, it just seemed so odd for him to stick with it.
Going out to get sushi, three of us there. Two of us, a couple, had been regularly eating sushi for a few years, and were pretty good with chopsticks. Had never had chinese/sushi with this guy, but as we're waiting for the food to arrive, he starts telling a story about the first time he used chopsticks. He never had used them before, and his friend was telling him it might take him awhile to get used to using them. But, he was incredible with chopsticks the first time. His friend couldn't believe how good he was without any practice/experience.
Sushi arrives. We start eating.
He continues to finish the story, while he's trying to use the chopsticks, and failing very hard. So he's actively telling us how amazing he is with chopsticks, and how he picked it up without any practice, and it's amazing to people, while he's basically just stabbing at the food with his chopsticks and failing to pick anything up with even the slightest bit of finesse.
He finally gave up and used his fingers, implying something to the effect of maybe he forgot how to use them or something.
nachoknuckles · 1 points · Posted at 17:22:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend once told me that he was walking his dog through the woods by my house when he saw an old lady and her husband. He said he went to have a conversation with them and ended up smoking a bunch of pot. I didn't believe it for a second
isaypoopoften · 1 points · Posted at 17:23:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He would pretend he knew stuff about random people in my home town. Like "oh, that guy is a pedo!", "that man over there, he tries to convert you to satanism if you as much as look at him!" It is tireing to be around people that lie so much and over the smallest thing!
Jerge_exe · 1 points · Posted at 17:23:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A boy I know once said that that he got a scar on his foot after trying to kick a stray dog that had gotten into his garden, only that the k9 miscreant was actually armed to the teeth, and was holding a knife in his mouth. The boy claims he kicked a knife which a dog was holding in his mouth.
The same boy once claimed that his dad killed/severely beat someone who could've tried to kidnap him, but could have just "tripped over the fence" whilst boy was eating strawberries and syrup.
lucashby · 1 points · Posted at 17:23:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My FIL actually said the words, "Back when I wrote jokes for Johnny Carson..." My immediate reply was, of course, "I'm gonna stop you right there. You did not write jokes for Johnny Carson."
AnnaBananaphone · 1 points · Posted at 17:23:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Being a teenage boy with a girlfriend, our friend Matt would tell exaggerated stories of their adventurous sexual encounters before clearing it up with, "Nah man I'm just kidding." The worst story was about how he was over at her house the day before and they decided to have some fun in her treehouse. They get up there and are going away when he accidentally slips his dick in the wrong hole. Supposedly, she doesn't suspect a thing and he rams away for another 10min. I guess this was the best sex she ever had. The next day he told us he made the whole thing up.
Sweetfuckingnothings · 1 points · Posted at 17:24:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In middle school some kid who was only there for a year from NYC decided the best way to make a friend of me was to say "I am actually apart of the YogsCast" (this is when they were the biggest thing on YouTube) "and they fly me out to the UK to help them make videos once a month".... some people..
runjimrun · 1 points · Posted at 17:24:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Worked with a guy. Former marine (him, not me). Said he's one of only nine people in the world who can diffuse a nuclear bomb. And don't be surprised if a helicopter shows up one day at work to whisk him away.
vman4402 · 1 points · Posted at 17:29:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dude... Be cool. You weren't supposed to tell anyone. Now he has to send the black helicopter after you.
runjimrun · 1 points · Posted at 01:38:51 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I felt pretty confident that wasn't gonna happen.
Seriously, I'll never forget the day he told it. We all sat there listening like "yeah? for real?", and when he walked away we just all looked at each other like "did he just tell us he can diffuse a nuclear bomb?"
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:24:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
At school, a friend of a friend tried to convince us all that he had a solid gold N64 and had a shark in his back garden. I never found out if it was true or not
Calkky · 1 points · Posted at 17:26:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It was a guy I went to college with. It was a fairly elite, small liberal arts school that costs a small fortune in tuition. This kid was a clean-cut white dude from "Chicago." He fooled a lot of people with his background story, which was that he was there on a full scholarship, came from "the projects," routinely hung out at Cabrini Green. As if that wasn't enough of a stretch, he just kept pushing the envelope even further. He'd dealt drugs, he was "the only white kid" inside of a house in the projects that was going to get bulldozed to build some gentrified amenities. I ended up transferring out of the school, so I never saw if his threads came unraveled. I never had any doubt that he was full of shit from the first moment that he showed up, but it was driven home by a few inconsistencies. He claimed he was state champion in his school's chess club and routinely beat up on his fellow students that knew the basics but didn't have any technique. I was a recreational player and I took him down in my first try. He also claimed that he was something like a 7th degree blackbelt in some kind of kick boxing, then invited me (a 3rd degree brown belt in kung fu) to "work out" with him. He looked like he'd learned his "art" from watching Karate Kid. Finally, he came in talking about how he'd "gotten out" of multiple DWIs, smoked crack before "cleaning up," and sold weed so his mom could cover rent. The second this kid came in contact with any sort of intoxicants, he was the first to be puking, hurting himself or having a bad trip. In retrospect, it was pretty entertaining.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:26:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The reason Georges St. Pierre (MMA fighter) tore his ACL because he leg kicked him. He also said he was going to fight at UFC 129 in Toronto.. How did people fall for this?
terminallyCapricious · 1 points · Posted at 17:26:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh boy, I got one. This guy I worked with for a solid week before he got fired was full of little treasures like these. He claimed at one point to have driven onto the back of a car hauler on the highway and rode back there for an hour. He also claimed to have been injected with experimental antibiotics as a child, which is why his immune system is SO GOOD.
Undercontrol710 · 1 points · Posted at 17:26:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Lets see hear... I once dated a girl for 6ish months. That in a young and gullible state, had convinced me that she was a nurse and a did some professional modeling on the side, her father was dead long ago and that her mother was an ex addict. Oh and that she had a lesbian roommate who was obsessed with her, this girl was real at least I met her, and who was also suicidal and always asking her for money. She kept this act up for awhile. Leaving town for shoot, working the night shift as a nurse, nothing appeared too crazy till I started question things finally.
All turns out her father was alive and well, her mother was not an addict and actually she had a history of addiction. She was not a model or a nurse and somehow managed to find a gig babysitting kids. She even went as far as to tell me the name of her modeling agency and try to get me employed with them emailing me from fake accounts she had made to pretend to be agents. She was actually broke and was know for state hopping after people caught onto her lies.
I was contacted by her roommate after the whole ordeal and told to change all of my password and get a restraining order as she thought she had found out most of my information somehow. Luckily it didn't go past that. She later contacted me on facebook apologizing where I gladly told her she was crazy and to fuck off.
wildbunch11 · 1 points · Posted at 17:26:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Co-Worker told us one of the characters of Black Hawk Down movie was based on him. My friend loves that movie and knows most of the names of the brave men that served in that Somalia conflict and was furious when I mentioned what my Co-worker said. We Googled his name, turns out he was in prison during that time for pedophilia...
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:27:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm pretty sure I convinced my friends in third grade that I was an alien because I have three ankles.
Bat-Homie · 1 points · Posted at 17:28:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Old college roomate would tell the worst one - he was in a government program that would track dug dealers - he had enough pull in this secret government program that he could call off police - he got blown out of a third story window -he spoke fluent Russian (I said I did too and I would say random words that sounded Russian and he would act like he understood me) -he was a know hacker and he made up some stupid name
That's not all of them just the most memorable
vman4402 · 1 points · Posted at 17:28:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a guy tell me that he used to be an EMT. At the time of the story, he was 20. He told me about the time he had to run into the 7/11 and grab a cooler of ice so he could store a heart (that he had just removed from a crash victim) in it and rush it to the hospital for a pending transplant. He told lots of whoppers, but that, by far, was my favorite. We'd bring it up to others so he was forced to tell the story again and again. It was awesome.
CardSpecialist · 1 points · Posted at 17:28:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Kid was a notoriously big liar. One of his ongoing lies was how his family was soooo rich (poor as fuck). He skates with tony hawk etc. We were out skating one day and he pointed out a small jet that just left the airport and he looks up and says "theres my dad! He's on his way to LA and thats his private jet!". The Jet shortly after made a sharp U turn and went straight the opposite direction of "LA". HAHAHA
infestahDeck · 1 points · Posted at 17:28:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
IDT: Compulsive liars telling tall tales about imaginary compulsive liars.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:30:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Being honest, I was a compulsive liar in highscool but I got over it as I matured.
I told my friends that I had been signed as a music artist because they all made fun of me for never getting any where with music no matter how hard I tried.
Funny enough, 4 months ago I got 3 signed deals to do full music soundtracks for games and its only been a year sense I told that lie soooo :?
fixintoblow · 1 points · Posted at 17:30:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Said he caught and released a 100 pound blue marlin 30 miles up river from the ocean in SC. I have no words for how absurd that is.
turtleFarts6969420 · 1 points · Posted at 17:31:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friends ex:
Said he was going to Harvard
Said he was adopted
Said he was half Asian
Said his father back in Vietnam killed his mother
Said he had a liver transplant
Many other things that she hasn't told me. Guy was a mess
applepwnz · 1 points · Posted at 17:31:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I used to have a friend in elementary school who was a compulsive liar, and being a
complete moronnaïve kid, I actually believed him. Here were some of his best ones:Green Day was going to be performing a secret concert in my hometown, and he had tickets locked in a safe at his house and I could have one. Then the next day he claimed that he forgot the combination to the safe so he couldn't retrieve the tickets.
He possessed an ultra high end model helicopter and it's automatically hovering outside of the school right now the only reason you couldn't see or hear it was that it was flying really high up.
There was one drinking fountain that was kindof grungy/rusty so it didn't work. He claimed that this was because the school had won the "Nick Takes Over Your School" sweepstakes a few years ago and Nickelodeon pumped slime through that drinking fountain.
My favorite, this one fucked me up for years afterwards. He once lifted up this part of the urinal and found a quarter underneath. In retrospect he had obviously planted the quarter there earlier, but I ended up lifting up that part of the urinal for years afterward to see if someone put a quarter there.
Edit: I just remembered another, he claimed to be in possession of the mythical vest that you put on when playing Sega Genesis that would actually make you feel pain when your character took damage by poking stuff into you/burning you/etc. He got away with claiming that because he was kind of poor so he never invited me over to his house.
YaruKorsin · 1 points · Posted at 17:31:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I don't know if is compulsive lying but I have a friend that will tell my stories (and other friend's too) as if it had happen to him.
One time I told him that he was telling something that happen to me but he told it as if it was his story, he got really upset.
45MinutesOfRoadHead · 1 points · Posted at 17:31:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know a few liars.
First is Julia. If you've done it, she's done it twice. Her lies were hysterical. She had a framed photo in her apartment and claimed she took the picture. It was a book cover. We had a friend that had a pet mountain lion, and when we mentioned it around her she goes "Oh my GOD I used to have a pet mountain lion!" Her dad was a Jewish black Italian doctor farmer in Mississippi. She also cheered at Ol Miss, despite not attending that school.
My ex was a massive liar. Still is. He decided to get into music producing(he sucks) and would take credit for other people's work when telling other people about it. He said that he did it because no one would want to work with him if they knew he hasn't actually done any real work for anyone. One day he did this, and the guy he was telling it to goes "You do realize I'm the drummer for this band, right?" We split almost 5 years ago and sometimes I'll go look at his Instagram for kicks. There's frequent "Chillin in the studio" posts. That shit is his bedroom in his mom's basement, he just makes sure to not have his bed in the photo. Claims he almost beat Bam Margera at a game of SKATE when he was 14 and they wanted him to join the Audio skate team.
My stepdad is also a big liar. He makes outrageous claims to his coworkers, like he has a boat. He has 2 jet skis. He has another house in Nashville. He's actually rich and doesn't need to work, he just likes to.
718-498-1043 · 1 points · Posted at 17:31:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I currently know two people who always tell crazy lies. I've known them both for about 25 years and the worst part is they are middle age and still tell lies. Sad actually.
TalkZenToMe · 1 points · Posted at 17:32:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He said he epi-penned himself, picked up a car, and then punched a hole in his yard fence and scared the neighbor kid
sf3p0x1 · 1 points · Posted at 17:32:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ex gf told me she loved me.
Thequeenofhearts21 · 1 points · Posted at 17:33:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I found out that a guy I was trying to date was already taken, so when I brought it up, he said that his gf had cancer and was going to die in a few months. She's still alive, and they have a baby together.
boss902902 · 1 points · Posted at 17:33:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My 'friend' told me that he cut down a tree with a 24 karat golden sword. It's freaking 24 karats!
He also told me he shot a bunny with an AK-47. He showed me the 'bullet'. It was a nail from an industrial headphone. He was exposed both times.
I4m4cunt · 1 points · Posted at 17:34:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He told me that one time he got with a Dutch bird and was fingering her before she shat down his arm
webbie602 · 1 points · Posted at 17:34:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well, he's a bit of a person. Won't name names, but will give examples.
*Owns a Tesla Roadster (Lacks a Liscense)
*Family is from Russia
*Is a KGB sleeper agent (He's 16)
*A bag of chips he brought to lunch was from his grandfather's wake.
*His Grandfather, Father, and Aunt have all died on at least 3 occasions.
*His Father used to own Diamond Snacks, the previous makers of Pringles, until his untimely second death.
*He has "a lot of money"
*His sister is in many Hollywood movies.
*His sister is Megan Fox.
*He's had sex with Megan Fox.
*He fucks "all the bitches"
*He holds down 3 jobs, and is struggling with his KGB sleeper agent paycheck.
*He has cancer
*He survived cancer
I'll update with more if I think of any.
jmcdon00 · 1 points · Posted at 17:35:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Really disappointed I couldn't find a Trump or Hilary joke near the top.
lilyth88 · 1 points · Posted at 17:35:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He was deer hunting with a knife. Snuck up on the deer. Pounced on it's back and slit it's throat.
SpookymanBR · 1 points · Posted at 17:35:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There is always that kid who says that his father got him a Playstation 5 on his trip to Japan.
xsgerry · 1 points · Posted at 17:35:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
aged 11/12, one of the guys in school claimed to have every game for the ZX Spectrum and had completed them all. In fact he was so good he was used by game writers to test their unreleased games, so he always got to play games before anyone else and tell the games designers how to improve their level designs.
Eventually he would be called out by other lads getting him to expose his lies, asking 'So, have you tried the new shooter, Sperm Jet?'. 'Oh yes, I've already finished that three times'. Someone else; 'How about Randy Bastards?'. 'Yep, done that last month'. He also claimed to have invented the Poke for the colour Orange.
ActuallyCatDragon · 1 points · Posted at 17:37:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
These statements were told by a 5'4 130/140lb female in her early 20s.
1) I used to could drink 20 shots in an hour easily (without getting really drunk or, for that matter, dying).
2) I used to could bench press over 300lb easily.
Wolfgang7990 · 1 points · Posted at 17:38:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
ITT: Mental Illnesses
Edit: One of my friends pretended he worked as a bartender of a popular bar in town. He was only 16. When asked how he was even hired, he told me his Dad knew the owner and he let him work despite not having a liquor license. He went as far to bring me to the bar after school and tried to "shoot the shit" with one of the bouncers, which was obvious that the guy didn't know him and wasn't letting him in. I asked him about it, and his response was, "It's okay, he's still new."
This same kid tried to convince me he was Zezima on Runescape years before.
Rangell33 · 1 points · Posted at 17:38:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend tried to tell me that when he was working in construction, he had a 20ft tall cinder block wall fall on him and only got a limp from it
UnbarredTable0 · 1 points · Posted at 17:38:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One of my best friends in high school tried convincing our entire group that his grandfather invented the Tide formula. He also said his grandpa had a bunch of gold coins buried under his house and we would go dig them up. We all had a little intervention with him after this.
UnbarredTable0 · 1 points · Posted at 17:42:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Also, my old roommate tried convincing me that his best friend was killed by pirates on the open sea. When I pressed for details he said he couldn't remember when it happened or what his friend's name was. (At the time I was 22 and he was 30 years old)
worktillyouburk · 1 points · Posted at 17:38:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
i find the best way to now if my buddy is lying is to just ask about how that past date went. if they don't mention the bs excuse they were lying. ex: so how was friday? meh nothing just chilled what about that hot blond you were supposed to see? oh ya that was great, fuked her 6 ways to sunday.
nah yet another lie
pls-answer · 1 points · Posted at 17:38:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This guy used to tell everyone he was a really really rich family, but then his grandmother got cancer and they had to spend 1 million (probably the biggest number he could think of) on her treatment, so they went poor.
Also I have this other friend who lies about EVERYTHING. It got to the point we don't believe anything he says, even the most mundane stuff. "I'm gonna go grab a cup of water" BULLSHIT, I have no idea what you're gonna do, and honestly don't care either, just don't tell me and stop bullshitting.
This same guy suposedly needed some money, so he asked a mutual friend who told him (not exactly his words) "I know its a lie, I'm not buying anything to you, you can afford." Then asked second guy "You owe me so much from all the bets you lost, and now wants me to buy you stuff? Why should I believe you are gonna pay?". He even asked me after, but I'm on to him, I know it was a lie that he needed the money, and also a lie that he would pay back.
cakefairy · 1 points · Posted at 17:39:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In the third grade, I had a class with this girl named Mackenzie. This girl drove me fuckin nuts. She would always lie and tell tall tales like any third grader would. It wasn't a big deal for awhile, everyone knew she was lying all the time.
What made my third grade heart burn with hate fire was what she did after my mother's house was robbed, and then burned down. I had gotten a lot of cards and well wishes from students and teachers the week after it happened. This asshole shows up A day later with a unicorn stuffed animal. I asked her "hey what's the unicorn for?". Her response:
"My house burned down last night and this is ALL I have left after the fire!!"
This was disproved literally the same day when her Dad came to pick her up from school. One of the girls that was with me when Mackenzie told us her house burned down was telling the Dad how she was sorry his house burned down. He was extremely confused and looked at his daughter and asked her why she told people a lie like that.
Anyway this girl was my arch nemesis after that. On another occasion, she passed me a note threatening to kill me ¯_(ツ)_/¯ weird kid.
ChooseWisely72 · 1 points · Posted at 17:39:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I keep seeing this blonde douchebag on TV saying he's going to be president.
feedthetrashpanda · 1 points · Posted at 17:39:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend invited his compulsive liar, stoner friend to stay with us. We all decided to go to the park to slackline. Stoner friend, of course, is "pro at slacklining" and apparently does all sorts of tricks and things. The whole way we walk to the park with the gear, he goes on about how amazing he is.
As we get into the park, his abilities diminish a little. He begins to say that "actually, he's only gone a few times before."
We set up the line and crank it to the right tension. Stoner friend gets on, and promptly falls off spectacularly and finally sheepishly admits, "Yeah, I've never done this before."
Like... why lie about being good at a thing AS YOU'RE GOING TO THE THING?!
RedRummy · 1 points · Posted at 17:41:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Knew this guy in high school who would lie often about random things, but I'll write down a few:
jennajennarae · 1 points · Posted at 17:41:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is a super stupid example but it's one that sticks out in my head. She told me she had lost 9 pounds in 2 weeks. About 10 minutes later I over heard her saying to someone else she lost 14 pounds in 2 weeks. If I wasn't as non-confrontational as I am I would have said, "WOW! You lost 5 pounds in 10 minutes!??! What's your secret????"
but I didn't. :(
mcwt_ · 1 points · Posted at 17:42:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A have a bunch of multiple little stories.
This girl, she said that she was adopted and her birth dad is black (this is is pasty white) and that when she was born she had a skin pigment disorder. (Which I know is possible but not for every inch of her body) and now 5 years later she just met her birth parents and posted it on Facebook and they're white
She also said when she was about a freshman in high school or 8th grade she got pregnant and had a baby and that the baby daddy had custody because she drove fucked up in the car with it and got pulled over but when I asked for pictures of the baby and her when pregnant she said her mom made her deleted every single one and then junior year she started talking to the "baby daddy" again and when I met him a few months down the road I asked how their kid was and he was like "uhhhhh?" Update: she is now ACTUALLY 9 months pregnant that's a whole other story
AAzumi · 1 points · Posted at 17:42:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That she loves me.
strokesfan91 · 1 points · Posted at 17:43:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
this guy who has serious confidence issues told me he had sex with a former teacher after running to her in the airport, and then on the plane. yeah...no
minpiplup · 1 points · Posted at 17:44:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My ex-friend used to go through old year books and tell stories of girls he'd fucked once. He's ugly as fuck
Viros · 1 points · Posted at 17:44:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One my little brother's friends was a habitual liar and had all kinds of lies that we just let go, but the one that finally made my dad and I call BS was when he claimed his dad had a mint copy of Action Comics #1. We lived in a typical middle-class suburban neighborhood and this comic went for $3.2 million at last auction.
i-am-just-tired · 1 points · Posted at 17:45:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A friend of mind back in high school insisted he had 0% body fat
PropaneSalesMen · 1 points · Posted at 17:45:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He was shot 7 times as a police officer. Shot in the foot by a Soldier at a clearing barrel. Was a fire fighter. Was a Carpenter. Horse rodeo guy. A boxer. And a bunch of other fucking bs stories. I got more.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:45:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had a bandmate who claimed that the A&R guy from Warner Brothers was following him around the College Campus giving suggestions on how to get our metal band a major label record deal - never saw this guy once or heard of him without the band guys around. Like some A&R guy is going to be hanging around a deep south college campus, LOL. You don't get that stuff unless there's a scene, and a yankee metal band in bumfuck Alabama ain't a scene.
kilspeed111 · 1 points · Posted at 17:45:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He hacked his PS4 so he could download free games from the PSN store (although he was a millionaire, he said earlier). I asked him how he did it. HTML..
cerebralkrap · 1 points · Posted at 17:46:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have to deal with a guy that spent significant time in the military. Now because we are both vets we share stories of our days in different conflicts and what not. Mine are not exactly the most exciting bits, but he tells me obscure details from movies and claims them as his own. As of now he has fought in presumingly every major war under the command of michael bay.
queenofthera · 1 points · Posted at 17:47:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My FMIL told me she'd been visited by god, then she told the story three times over (seamlessly, one after another), exaggerating it more and more each time. (check my post history if you're interested in the full story).
BF is pretty sure she lies about most day to day occurrences, but this was something special.
noliesjustL-o-v-e · 1 points · Posted at 17:49:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When my ex was trying to get me back he told me he almost died in a car accident , had free tickets to the super bowl, among other outrageous lies . Then there were the normal ones like " I didn't sleep with those girls." Gotta love sociopaths..
FLFF · 1 points · Posted at 17:50:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That they were kidnapped at a gas station at 1 in the morning for diaper money for their child. Then when he got back he proceeded to drink all my beer because he was "depressed"
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:50:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
one of my 'friends' (to put it loosely) once made up a totally fake story about losing her virginity, subsequently forgot about it, and has lately been doing a lot of "I can't believe I'm still a virgin at 19! boys never believe me when I tell them! why are my standards so high?!" talk.
it makes me laugh bc she honestly went into SO much detail with the first story. i'd known it wasn't true at the time as she has a lot of history for this kind of thing, and she went all out with the juiciness - the boy had a girlfriend at the time , she snuck out of her house at night to do it with him (super strict parents), making up compliments he'd said to her, and obviously not using a condom because that's SO vanilla.
i've been waiting for the perfect moment to call her out on it for ages. tonight may be the night...
Survirianism · 1 points · Posted at 17:50:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"I'm pregnant with your baby"
She wasnt. She lied so I'd stay and help her drug habit.
Or she killed my kid.
Gonzowiththewind · 1 points · Posted at 17:51:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A former friend of mine claimed one day to have stage three lung cancer and was going to be starting treatments. A week later when he obviously hadn't started treatments he started chain smoking cigarettes (my guess is that he did it in hopes of giving himself cancer). A few years later he's still cancer free and still smoking menthols like they're going out of style. This dude just had to have everyone's attention at every moment and would tell you anything to keep it. Haven't talked to him in years. Feels good.
Rawkusmagnum · 1 points · Posted at 17:52:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a school friend try to convince me that he worked for capcom and was personally writing the story for street fighter 4 ( for context this was about 15 years ago). When we asked him to prove it he brought in a 50 page draft of the SF4 story the following day.
kootrell · 1 points · Posted at 17:53:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Girlfriend's boss once told me he gave notes to Matt Damon and Ben Affleck on their Good Will Hunting script. He manages a liquor store on the east coast so...
Dedj_McDedjson · 1 points · Posted at 17:55:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"You're the biggest I've had"
sorry_4u · 1 points · Posted at 17:55:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
one guy i've played wow with a guy that said he had a brain tumor that had to be removed every 1-2 years
he said its a ~60% chance that he dont survive it but on the other hand he only needed to stay 1 night at the hospital and they did it always in an ambulant operation
he got some girls with this story but idk who could believe something like this ....
First_TM_Seattle · 1 points · Posted at 17:55:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not to me personally, but this is my favorite: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impossible_Is_Nothing_(video_résumé)
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:56:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One that I always laugh about is back when I was in 9th grade I had a buddy who I'm still friends with, and who is still a compulsive liar; tell me that he got 10 chopper gunners in one team death match game in call of duty black ops.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:56:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So there was this kid, we'll call him Alejandro. He is a short guy, no more that 5 foot 2. He looks to be of Mexican decent, and has a very scraggly mustache and goatee. I had no idea who this guys was before he just started sitting at our table. I don't even remember why he said he was there, it's like he just materialized there one day. From the beginning we could all tell that there was something... off, about him, and he always told all these crazy thing like;
That he remembered as a baby that he was blessed by a green luck angle.
4 families moved in and out of this house in his neighborhood in one month, one guy was an Indians player who only lived there one day.
That he was taught secret pressure points by Sam for iCarly, (I actually laughed out loud at this one).
That his family owned a double barrel pump action shotgun (which albeit, does exist. But I don't think a kid in the suburbs is going to have a military grad shotgun in his house).
Claimed to be able to put curses on people, and once threatened to do so because he didn't like my friends phone background.
Along with these were other things that showed how gullible and strange the poor man was.
He though Freddy Frazbears Pizza was real and located in South Dakota.
He though that there were cursed videos online and tried to show us some. But he made sure to caution us not to look at it.
In conversation I mentioned my Grandfather died in the 1990's, then later mentioned how the last Spanish American War veteran died in the 1990's. He stopped me right there and swore that "there had to be connection".
I told them my aunt knew a guy who worked with the CIA, he was convinced that he was a secret agent. He wasn't, he was a doctor.
He always talked very solemnly about "how many people we're losing everyday", he didn't mean to war or violence or anything like that, he just meant people dying of old age.
He was also obsessed with making this girls table by us throw up.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:56:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he was in the United States Marine Corps. He was 14. In Canada.
VTCHannibal · 1 points · Posted at 17:56:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I once told him about something that happened at work, about how one of the guys hit a sprinkler with a forklift and water was running for 2 hours before they could turn it off.
Well in his 3 months at a similar store, he's had every experience I've had in 2 years. His story was they hit a sprinkler in the middle of the night, caused the whole store to be under couple inches of water and they couldn't let the fire department in because it was during the night shift.
There are more story's, just makes my blood boil thinking about all the bullshit he spewed.
drawnincircles · 1 points · Posted at 17:57:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My uncle once told me an elaborate story about how he was good friends with Elizabeth Hurley. Went on and on about how they used to grab lunch, make his wife jealous. Even at age ten the whole thing sounded ridiculous.
n3u7r1n0 · 1 points · Posted at 17:59:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I worked at a well known chain restaurant in college with my roommates. We befriended the bartender, George. George was a tall freckled spirited Irishman who drank nothing but Guinness. Down the road George needed a place to stay, and we had a spare bedroom, so we let him stay in our apartment for a time. One night after several drinks George decides to open up to my roommate and I and reveal to us that everything we knew about him was a lie. He was not in college, he was not Irish in any capacity other than some ancestors he isn't aware of made it to the states at some point. His name wasn't George, and his accent was a fake. Pretty much everything this person had ever told us and his entire personality was a fraud. Upon hearing all of this my roommate David became enraged and started throwing hands. We kicked George out of the apartment and never hung out with him again. It is really startling to find out someone you think you know who you have invited to stay in your home is presenting a completely false persona 24x7.
Jdub_2891 · 1 points · Posted at 18:00:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
dontbait · 1 points · Posted at 18:00:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh lord. Doug from work.
Has the same exact factory that we work at, at his house. Just bought a $500,000 tree feller. Gets paid to fire automatic rifles. Has miles of det cord. Owns a snow plow company consisting of 54 trucks. Has a 98 grand prix with 1200 HP, just from programming the chip. His grandma can bench press 350lbs . His uncle is the admiral of the russian navy. He works at a performance auto garage. He either has a son or a daughter, it changes from time to time.
I could go on. He is completely serious about all of it.
Intra78 · 1 points · Posted at 18:01:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Late to this thread but this happened to me recently:
I run a business. 5 weeks ago I had offers of £350k on the table at a £4 million valuation in what was the 'ideal investment round'.
Fastforward to today and I have laid off all my staff and I'm winding down the business at a fair cost to myself.
Turns out the investor was lying. He had no money.
unfortunately, he was also our ad supplier. All the adverts on our site were fake, the advertisers didn't know they were on our site. He literally made them up. He'd come into our office talking about this deal and that deal, we'd veto certain brands or products. All lies. So the cash we were expecting in from ad revenue also did not exist.
He said he had other investments and used the same lawyers as ourselves. he'd fake phone them from our office and have a fake conversation with them - knowing that they could not confirm or deny any relationship with him.
Since he was our advertiser and it was all fake then the cashflow I had written based on the revenue we believed to be coming in was all bullshit too. meaning I had nothing to go back out to investors with and no time to do it anyway cos we had no cash coming in either.
It was a fake name, a fake address. I think that the 'business partner' who kept missing meetings and that we were chatting to on Slack was just him with a 2nd account.
He didn't use his real name
He told us his middle name was Boudicca
BerserkWolfUK · 1 points · Posted at 18:02:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My X said she loved me, lmao
grizzlydeez · 1 points · Posted at 18:02:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Back in middle/high school, knew someone who told us that he had a rare tumor in his heart, and that the doctor would sneak into his home at midnight to administer his medicine, because he didn't want his parents to know and worry about his worsening health. He also told us he was a surfing champion and was sponsored by Volcom.
That kid had an undeniable hustle though - last I heard he married a girl from a wealthy family and they run several successful businesses together. (This part is evidently true).
sriracha_everything · 1 points · Posted at 18:02:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend is the only person that the Mexican Mafia has allowed to leave alive, apparently.
ThePotatoCouncil · 1 points · Posted at 18:03:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He told me he had a brain tumour, and if I'd be there to support him in his dying days..
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:03:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a parachute rigger by the name of, I believe, Brian Majors who at various points claimed he had been a stripper, secretly dated Emma Watson while living in Boston, flat lined due to a cocaine overdose, lived in Brazil for 7 years, was hit by a garbage truck while riding his dirt bike in Brazil (This one was almost a word for word description of a similar scene from a Bourne movie) and who knows what else. All this before the age I met him at, roughly 25.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:04:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Did an ironman triathlon every morning while in the army. Before unit pt.
Ridgewoodian · 1 points · Posted at 18:04:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There have been so many, but a recent one was that he was mugged a block from Madison Square Garden. It was Memorial Day. I had been with him in NJ earlier and knew which train he was taking back to NYC (would have been at Penn Station around 2:30-3PM. So, 2:30-3PM, broad daylight, a block from one of the most heavily policed areas of NYC, on a day where offices are closed and the streets are packed. And oddly they didn't take his wallet (only cash), his iPhone, his backpack, his watch, his Oakley's or his weed. Oh and he didn't tell anyone about it until that Thursday. Needless to say, nobody believe much he says.
bettereditor · 1 points · Posted at 18:05:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He's in the car on the way to hang out. I'll believe it when you get here, man.
ColbyHman · 1 points · Posted at 18:05:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My divorced dad told me that he couldn't ship me a lego set for my birthday because it was broken
Goldielox526 · 1 points · Posted at 18:07:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
She got stabbed in the stomach by her exboyfriend and when she got pregnant her baby was at her sternum as a result
thraelen · 1 points · Posted at 18:08:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was shocked when I found out about this one. It's how I found out he was a compulsive liar:
I was traveling for work to another country for a few months and I had made friends with a few people there. One of them in particular was having a very difficult time over the first month because his mom was hurt in a car accident and was in the hospital. He missed a lot of work for it and during the second or third month, his mom passed away.
He was gone from work for a couple days to go attend the funeral and when he came back he, another friend, and I had a heart-to-heart about losing parents. He invited the friend to a family gathering, a wake of sorts, but the friend ended up not going because he felt weird about attending as non-family. That ended up causing a huge rift between them.
That was about a year ago. A couple months ago, said friend was looking into the database of who is alive / dead and found out the guy's mom is definitely not dead. He had lied about the entire thing. And it wasn't his only lie.
wtf
thelittlestlibrarian · 1 points · Posted at 18:08:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy I know makes shit up and then sticks to it. Some of his golden ones:
He went to England/Australia. He's confusing about which at times and he's always right in the moment he says it.
He had a motorcycle at his old place that had never moved, and he wasn't a mechanic so it wasn't going to ever. He started one day telling people that he had a motorcycle accident that wrecked the bike and caused a burn on his leg. He actually burned his leg at a party where his pants caught fire.
He used to go to the gym with my best friend. My best friend started training with another guy at the gym (Jay). The friend started saying he was also training with another guy (Jayson), but he didn't have gym membership. Any time my friend would offer to work out with them, the guy would say, "oh, we're at another gym." At least that was a step up for his facebook game because he always has to post that he's at the gym, but he used to just be at his house on xbox live.
Now he's telling everyone he's ex-military. He says he's been to Afghanistan and seen his friends blown up. To some people he just says he was discharged medically after boot camp. None of it's true, of course.
ViciousKnids · 1 points · Posted at 18:08:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I went to scouts with a vegetarian who, while "hunting" saw a blonde asian walking through the woods. She came into his tree stand and blew him.
Ugh..
ForksnFrenchFries · 1 points · Posted at 18:08:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
His uncle has a domesticated bear. Of course he has no photo evidence or anything like that.
Crazehness · 1 points · Posted at 18:08:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I work with a guy who has a few good ones. 1. Apparently he has this girl he knows back home in Puerto Rico who is gonna give him $5 million(or $10 mil, or $20 mil, it changes every time) if he goes to see her at some point. Not marry her, not date her, just literally go hang out with her for a day. He won't go though because he can't afford the plane ticket there. 2. His ten year old son hacked the FBI(or the NSA, or the Pentagon) once at school because he was bored, and almost got arrested for it. Instead they ended up paying him $25k to never use any computer ever again. 3. He's Elvis's third cousin's grandson(apparently Elvis had Puerto Rican cousins who knew?), but the family had a falling out before he was famous so they never got any money from him. And, my personal favorite 4. Apparently you need to have a passport to go from New York City to the rest of New York State because of the UN making NYC its own country and no longer part of the USA.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:09:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
went to highschool with a girl who craved attention. her bf dumped her and she went crazy on him and told him she was pregnant. when she never started to show later she told everyone she had a miscarriage, for sympathy points she said "she had beautiful strawberry blonde hair" .... the miscarried embryo had strawberry blonde hair!!??
Skilled1 · 1 points · Posted at 18:10:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
There was this girl, we'll call her "Hillary"... She would instantly transform into a clone of whatever group she happened to be talking to. If anyone tried to oppose her in her group, she would just adapt and mirror those people. It was the craziest thing, everyone knew deep down inside she was a soulless, self serving demon... Somehow she turned out to be unbelievably popular.
250lespaul · 1 points · Posted at 18:10:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have a very good friend that works as a substitute in our town. There is a guy from my old college that is dating another good friend of mine. I invite the three over to my place for a night of pizza and starwars. This is their first time meeting and the guy hears friend 1 tell him that they work as a sub in town. This guy, who I have known for about 5 years at this point, precedes to make up this entire fake story about how he worked as a substitute teacher for 2 years. All about these horrible kids he worked with and how he did some unorthodox back talk and basically verbal bullying and how it worked so well. All while he still attending the college we meet at and never once took a job that wasn't acting. His girlfriend said "that didn't happen." They try to pass it off as "Oh you just don't remember." and moved on to the next few fake stories.
Afterwards I apologized to my buddy that's the sub about him. He said "Yeah, that dude hasn't been in a freaking classroom since high school and wouldn't be allowed in one acting like that. Or telling principals about his great classroom management system."
I felt really embarrassed.
puta_trinity · 1 points · Posted at 18:11:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
His mom didn't think writing was good for his mental health. So she took all the pens and pencils from the house and hid them. AND she deleted notes from his phone... (you can't delete notes) as I told that to him he later said she hid it in a folder....
Nlilmtvgzoruv · 1 points · Posted at 18:11:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Was in Afghanistan. Had Osama in his sights. Was called by higher ups over the radio to fall back.
Everyone called him out on it over beer pong, he was 21 or so at the time, severely overweight (as he always had been but it got worse post high school) and had fucked up knees from high school football (which is why the army, when he went to apply, looked at him and said no.)
Funny thing is the whole group minus a couple of new people knew that he never got accepted to the military and was on disability for the totally trashed knees. We'd all known him the whole time, no gaps of time he could have been gone for the military.
federisimo · 1 points · Posted at 18:12:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
this girl tried to tell my cousin that she was in Med School at a local college. This said college, doesnt have a Med School.
paul_aka_paul · 1 points · Posted at 18:13:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This was a young lady in college. She told us she had a brother that was eaten by or just attacked by a shark. She was either friends with or dating a singer that was big in Latin America and she was constantly being flown out to see him. She also took my friend home to meet her parents and they totally approved of their dating. He was surprised to learn that he met them. I was also surprised since he and I were working together that weekend.
But if there was one thing that wasn't a lie, it was them titties. Damn.
rahyveshachr · 1 points · Posted at 18:16:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend told this huge story about how she went skydiving for the first time but due to a mix-up they thought she was an expert (?). So she gets on the plane with everybody else after gearing up and they tell her to just jump, so she does (??). Then, while freefalling, she radioes the plane on her walkie talkie saying "okay.... now what?" (???). The crew freaked out and scrambled around, trying to stay calm and tell her how to pull the chute (????). She told this story with such gusto and enthusiasm that nobody dared call her out even though it was obviously a movie plot or something. The biggest kicker is that she is obese and I don't know if she is even allowed to skydive.
She's a lovely girl otherwise and I wish her the best through her issues (she had a rough childhood to say the least). I had to stop being her friend because I was afraid to call BS on a story that really was true.
Ornerytiredandmean · 1 points · Posted at 18:17:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One of the guys I used to work with, who had a lot and I mean a lot of 600 horsepower stories, once told us this 1. He was doing a 130 mile an hour wheelie down the freeway on a zr1000 which was also capable of doing 210 miles an hour as a top speed, his friend was video taping it from behind when a highway patrolman pulled him over, and told him what a badass he was and did not give him a ticket. Some of the other guys I work with kept telling me that this character was an alright guy, he just has a tendency to exaggerate the truth. Explain to them that this guy thinks that they are retards, has a very low opinion of them, and is disrespecting them by telling them bullshit stories. I also told them they are all pussies for not calling him on his bullshit and pretending to believe it. And of course every time I ask to see that video tape, the reason he couldn't produce it changed
SteevB · 1 points · Posted at 18:17:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I played on the golf team in high school. One of the other players was always making up the most BS stories. The one that stands out the most is when he said he flew to Scotland on a Saturday, played at St. Andrews golf course that same day, and then flew back on Sunday in order to be at practice/school on Monday. This was also in California, and the kid didn't come form a wealthy background to make this even remotely possible.
periwinklemerlin · 1 points · Posted at 18:18:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In high school, I was waiting after school with this guy a year younger than me. He told me he was waiting for a man in a white car to pick him up and he was about to make $50. He apparently prostitutes himself 3 times a week. I know this stuff actually happens, but I live in a primarily white, upper middle class area.
Oh he also has anal sex every Tuesday in the school bathrooms with the guard captain's ex-boyfriend.
dgjqehr2ob · 1 points · Posted at 18:20:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
tfw I have actual stories that sound like the lies told in this thread...
I did do some compulsive lies when I was younger in like the 4th grade and shit. At least the most embarrassing ones are around that age. At least I'm glad I wasn't alone in doing this shit.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:22:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I used to work at a sandwich shop and my assistant manager was the single worst liar I've ever heard. He once told us he was a direct descendant of Jesus. He has also told us he is immune to cancer (even though apparently everyone in his family dies of cancer) because he has the rarest blood type in the world. I can't remember what letters he used but it wasn't real and he said it's just that rare. There were others, but being 7 years later I still remember those.
Method__Man · 1 points · Posted at 18:23:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
They insisted their eyes were green and they werent contacts. I have known this person for 10 years with brown eyes.....
Werewolf251 · 1 points · Posted at 18:24:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh this will be fun. I had a thing with this one girl that made some pretty outlandish claims that infatuation made me believe for a time:
She used to do underground MMA fighting for money and never lost a fight. This girl was small af and had next to no muscles.
She owned several motorcycles through the 4 years she had been able to drive during her impoverished life before I met her. Apparently this broke ass girl had bought herself a five different sports bikes including a Ducati 1198 Panigale R that she then used to run cocaine for a friend.
She got pulled over doing 120 in a 75 with a couple pounds of blow on her but because someone in her family was a cop they let her go on the spot.
She scored an 2300 on her SATs. This woman is no where near what would be considered smart. Like we're talking about has a vocabulary of a fourth grader and can't do short division without help.
She won several BMX events, but got rid of all her trophies.
She also won sever motocross events, but got rid of those trophies as well.
But she was only half as crazy as this one woman I worked with that claimed she owned an albino peacock, had a pet monkey, had millionaire parents, used to be a model, and has a Ferrari that she leaves parked in storage to drive her nearly demolished ancient Toyota Camry to her furniture sales job so she can feel normal.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:24:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ooh! This is so late but I finally have a story for one of these!
So there was guy in my first year of uni who already had a bit of a reputation for lying/exaggerating. I was trying to be especially nice because I thought other people were just starting rumors and generally alienating him. I sat with him in a lectures for about a week and he seems a little odd but generally just friendly. One day we go to lunch at a nearby cafe, and this is the first time we're alone together, we sit down and it's quiet for approximately 6 seconds before he launches right into telling me about his cousins' 9 businesses which he is on the board of/invests in/manages which all involve some form of insider trading and mean that he is a billionaire. Yes not a dime a dozen millionaire, a billionaire. As a result of this he has a group of 7/8 super hot dancers who do all his coursework for him. Naturally. And he is always being followed by at least 4 personal security because people are trying to assassinate him. When I asked where exactly these people are he says he's not allowed to know because that would put him at risk and only one of his cousins knows who they are. I.....yh I nodded along and I don't think we spoke much after that.
aj240 · 1 points · Posted at 18:25:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He touched the world trade centres seconds before it fell.
lincunguns · 1 points · Posted at 18:25:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My ex and her family were bat shit crazy, pathological liars. Here are some of my favorites:
Ex: Those nude selfies of some guy on her computer? It was collateral from her "gay friend" who helped her take the "professional" sexy photos for me as a gift.
Aunt: Claimed that she used to fuck members of REO Speedwagon and was on the cover of Hi-Infidelity (a simple google search debunked that one). She also claimed that the many charges of fraud, extortion, and identity theft leveled against her in her stint as an attorney (by several people) was all the work of a vindictive secretary.
Mom: Claimed that her line of designer scarves was going to be picked up by Versace, but that she decided she was no longer interested in fashion and decided that small town, residential realty was her true passion (until she became a waitress).
Cousin: Claims to have fucked Danica Patrick (possibly true)
There are so many more. Thank god that family is out of my life.
bootsiekitty · 1 points · Posted at 18:25:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Years ago, my friend and I met this dude who turned out to be a ridiculous liar. Somehow, the conversation moved to this guy - let's say Jason - telling us about the time he went sky diving.
About three sentences in, I realize he is telling us the story - word for word - from Bill Engvall's 'Fifteen Degrees Off Cool' special. Like, literally word for word.
I'm trying not to be a dick so I cut in and say "oh, I love that stand up!". I'm basically handing him an out. Jason insists that he has no idea what I am talking about for a while, then switches it up and claims Bill Engvall stole the story from him.
Reiner_Locke · 1 points · Posted at 18:25:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This strange guy who used to come into the comic book store I frequent would tell us things like how he hired mercenaries from the deep web to assassinate people. And how he was on government lists for hacking into the pentagon and various other obviously made up tales. We chose to take his word for it, however when he told us about all of his guns and assault rifles because we didn't want him coming back with them.
He was also a pizza delivery guy. So tip your driver everybody.
Nasha199 · 1 points · Posted at 18:25:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend after returning from a cricket gap year in Australia has come back and told hundreds of clearly false stories. My favourite so far is after a heavy night out in the club he passed out on a friends shoulder. Now just for reference he isn't the most attractive man, but as the story goes, when he was passed out a girl came over and asked his mate to give my passed out friend her number when he wakes up. On following up about the girl, he said he never got I contact with her because she 'wasn't up to scratch' ... Utter utter bs...
lowgskillet · 1 points · Posted at 18:26:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The biggest liar I ever knew was a childhood friend that told me:
Him and his father were out flying in their helicopter and got stranded on an island in the middle of the lake because they ran out of gas. They gathered up some rocks and made rocket fuel and flew away.
A Nintendo store blew up in Japan and all of the games landed in his backyard. When asked where they were he said they were in storage.
Back when Bo Jackson was breaking a lot of bats over his leg in MLB he said that Bo was breaking metal bats now.
I'm sure there were more but this kid was full of it big time.
ChompyTheGoat · 1 points · Posted at 18:26:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Late, but my best friend in the 7th grade's sister worked at a special-ed elementary school, the class put on a Sweeney Todd play, and my friend played Mrs. Lovett.
She came to school the next day and told us there was a scout from Broadway there that hired her to play Mrs. Lovett on Broadway. We were 12. She printed out a script and kept it in a binder which she brought everywhere to show people. When she inevitibaly was still in school weeks later, she told everyone her dad wouldn't let her go.
dkl415 · 1 points · Posted at 18:26:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A student claimed his father didn't have to pay taxes, after having done some special service to the government. I pointed out that was from the plot of Armageddon, and he stopped bragging.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:28:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I actually knew a few guys growing up that fit this bill nicely. If you put them all into our old party house together the gibberish they would spout was insufferable. However my favourite "statement of fact" from one of them was:
"I'm allergic to chocolate and milk, but not to chocolate milk"
goddamntree · 1 points · Posted at 18:28:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I am the compulsive liar :(
throwcap · 1 points · Posted at 18:30:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He's a pretty reckless driver and always makes up shit about driving.
-He's on a list of the police, that's why he's stopped every few months
-He was going 190 in a curve and someone almost hit him because he was driving on his lane and he switched over to the other lane.
wouldn't be surprised about a story where he went so fast, he suddenly took off and went flying in the air.
soulman_grungy · 1 points · Posted at 18:30:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend's girlfriend (ex now) told us how everyone in their church was given a penny and had to trade up to see what they could get. She said that she ended up with a brand new shotgun and her friend ended up with a car. The kicker was that they only had 3 days to get this done.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:30:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My brother likes to make up stories about how much money he makes, and how he lives his life. He also compulsively lies about little details to people if it's convenient. I can't think of anything specific at the moment, but he's been doing it his whole life.
drdanieldoom · 1 points · Posted at 18:31:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I used to lie all the time I real life, but now I just do it on Reddit. Check out my comment history long enough and you'll find good ones.
Pigmatron · 1 points · Posted at 18:31:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That his younger brother died of cancer years ago and that day was the anniversary of his death. Those of us who had known him for a while knew this was a lie as the picture he showed everyone was just him when he was younger, thinner, and before he straightened his hair. But he did get some brief sympathy from the ladies until someone obviously told them the truth.
catthedd · 1 points · Posted at 18:33:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In high school, a friend gave me a "demo tape of his band" to check out. I put it in and it was Purple Rain by Prince. (My friend was not a member of the Revolution).
tngy · 1 points · Posted at 18:33:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
While on a plane back from Brazil after opening for Dragonforce, his bandmate/cousin was shot in the leg. On the plane, happened to be one Bill Cosby, who performed surgery mid flight to remove the bullet. Also said that he could shred faster than Yngwie Malmsteen
SchwillyMaysHere · 1 points · Posted at 18:33:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Our college friend was a compulsive liar and kleptomaniac. Stories about bar fights, cop chases, going to college, something about a broken leg, etc...
He'd steal from just about every store we'd go to. Anything, shit he didn't even need.
Then one day he just disappeared.
TraderSamz · 1 points · Posted at 18:33:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Back in the 90s I had a friend that claimed to own a neo geo. (A high price video game system) but every time we went to his house he claimed it was locked up in his parents room because he wasn't allowed to play it when guest were at the house.
GriffsWorkComputer · 1 points · Posted at 18:33:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Guy at my old job told me he knew Jay-Z went to the Brooklyn Nets game with him and good ol' jigga got him a record deal, mind you this guy made 10 dollars an hour working in a mailroom
DuckHuntHotDog · 1 points · Posted at 18:34:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was a former compulsive liar (got therapy). Biggest whopper I ever told to a girl I was trying to impress was that I knew some guys in NASA and they were interested in sending me to space to install a thing I was working on in the ISS.
Now I'm going to leave you to figure out if what I just said was actually true or not. (It is, sadly.)
JE4215 · 1 points · Posted at 18:34:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a guy who claimed that his step father was a retired Navy admiral. He also claimed his step dad took him to Area 51. According to him Area 51 is empty.
BaldiDog · 1 points · Posted at 18:34:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend in High School who showed me a song and he told me he was the singer, obviously not. He told me that he changed his voice with the computer so that's why it sounded like that. Lol.
Kass1207 · 1 points · Posted at 18:34:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In my freshman year of high school, a girl in my homeroom class told me she was in the theater of the Aurora shooting. That was the same year it happened. She told me her sister was there and had been shot, but survived.
The following week, someone asked her how her sister was doing, she had the most confused, dumbfounded expression on her face and said, "What sister? I only have a brother."
PrincxSara · 1 points · Posted at 18:34:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You know, if you’re a liar and you’re reading this message, I want you to understand how destructive your lying is. Not just because it costs relationships with partners who once loved you, but because it stresses your relationships with your children too. Our daughter is 8 years old. She adores her father, but even at 8 years old she’s looking at him with wariness in her eyes. That is, I think, the ultimate tragedy of lying. When even your young children, the ones you adore, look at you differently because of your lying habit.
SpangieBogge · 1 points · Posted at 18:34:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My brother lies a LOT and I've caught him several times, but the one that was just crazy was the story of him getting jumped by a group of guys after a football game.
We live in a town that is super into their college football team. My brother sometimes works at the football stadium selling food, so one night after a game he was walking home from work. He was stopped by a group of guys that attacked him because he was wearing our team shirt or something. They were fans of the other team that lost. They kicked the shit out of him and when he came home, my Mom freaked out. We believed him because it was so extreme and I couldn't think of a reason why he would make that up.
About a year later, I was hanging out with one of our childhood friends and we were drinking. He confessed to me that he had beat the shit out of my brother for harassing some girl. I was really upset about the lie...both because my brother had lied and that a close friend had beat the shit out of him. I never told my brother that I know the truth.
bucket888 · 1 points · Posted at 18:34:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have a few...
He was awoken by footsteps on the roof of his trailer park home. Turns out the AFT and FBI had both planned busts on a big drug dealer that lived in the park. They were parachuting in. Because they didn't know that they were both going in at the same time, they both mistook each other for the drug dealers protection force. A fire fight ensued. Many were killed.
He once took a course called "Street Fighting and Man Killing"
Someone cut him off, so he re-cut the guy off. Stopped his car, got out and punched the guy in the face...right through his windshield.
There are more, some are real. You probably wouldn't believe them. True legend this guy.
SoapyRainWater · 1 points · Posted at 18:34:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know a guy who always told the biggest lies. One of them was when he claimed that he was going into boot camp and we asked him where. He told us it was in our area but... There was no camp in our area, alas we let it slide. So he went to the great lengths of purchasing a uniform and actuly not speaking to anyone for 6 full months... 6 full fucking months. He realy had the audacity to reject his friends (the only friends he has) for a whole 6 months. His parents later confirmed it was bullshit because they said he was home and they only went on vacation like once in those 6 months. We are no longer his friend.
Edit : reworded something that didn't seem right
Justanick112 · 1 points · Posted at 18:35:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Someone told me had a rocket launcher in his car. He said the car is a Bentley.
He was 15 ... And an idiot . But good looking so a lot of woman liked him while he lied to them. Got married. And cheated :)
Cheeriope · 1 points · Posted at 18:36:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Used to go to high school with one of these shit shows. She told us all she had an artery clog near her heart and had to get surgery or she could die. We were all so worried.
On the day of her operation, she's at school.
"Isn't your surgery today?" I asked her.
"Yeah, I decided not to go."
I was pissed because it was obvious she was lying. When I brought it up to my friends I was the bitch. Not surprisingly, she never wanted to talk about this heart issue again, and I was a bitch for bringing it up.
She also claimed to be pregnant once, even told her boyfriend. Then came back from the bathroom and said "Guys, I think I just had a miscarriage in the bathroom" like totally calmly. I told her she should go to the hospital if that's the case. She said she's fine. Never mentioned it again.
I learned to just ignore everything she said. She was nuts. Also I don't talk to those idiots again who defended such behaviour.
FPSplayer · 1 points · Posted at 18:37:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ok, Michael Jackson never came to my house to use the bathroom, but his sister did.
DenieD83 · 1 points · Posted at 18:37:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
They made stories about me up behind my back for ages... we'd recently made friends with a new group of people and only after I was privately talking to one did she say "ya know... I was expecting you to be a prick". I was taken back and asked why... that's when I found out the monster he'd painted me to be.
This was like 12 years ago and the one really prominent story that sticks out still was one where he said as a kid I'd put my pet hamster in an RC plane and killed it. I didn't have a hamster or an RC plane as a kid lol.
Wierdly all his lies were sorta wierd and not like he was backed into a corner and lied his way out... it was just a proper compulsion I guess.
potsieharris · 1 points · Posted at 18:38:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
a girl i went to middle school with had quite a few memorable whoppers...
she had cancer (classic pathological lie)
she was suicidal and tried to kill herself by eating a jar of TUMS. when that didn't work she tried to jump off the [2nd story] roof but her sister caught her and talked her down.
she auditioned to be the spokesperson for hershey's kisses, but she didn't get the part because she was TOO TALENTED. the pepsi people heard about her and started a bidding war. she was then slated to become the spokesperson for pepsi, but it turned out britney spears's contract didn't allow for a second spokesperson.
she's a youth minister, happily married and about to have her second child. she actually seems to be doing really well today. middle school is hard.
justtoreplythisshit · 1 points · Posted at 18:38:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That they loved me.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:38:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was a semi-compulsive liar as a kid. Once tried to convince my friend that my bus was late to school because I was hit by lightning right as I was about to board.
CleverUniqueName · 1 points · Posted at 18:39:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In eight or ninth grade girl told our friend group that she was a princess from another country. Told us about all the cool rich people stuff she had, paparazzi etc.
She made her own Wikipedia page about herself but it was removed.
MidgetMonkeyMan · 1 points · Posted at 18:40:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a compulsive liar roommate from college. My favorite lie came from when I asked him what he got at Burger King. He told me he got a Whopper when he actually got chicken nuggets.
CoolRunner · 1 points · Posted at 18:41:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He told me that they had a T1 line installed at their house when we were teenagers. He said it for no particular reason too, then freaked out when I asked his mom about it.
Gannicius · 1 points · Posted at 18:41:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A girl I go to university with claims that her stretchmarks are knife wounds from her ex boyfriend.
A guy I went to college with claimed multiple feats of self defence including fighting off a group of guys that had knives using the chain attached to his keys.
smokewagon1990 · 1 points · Posted at 18:41:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"All actors at some point wanted to be professional athletes, but weren't tall enough" Same guy stole my gym bag in 8th grade and said his cousin happened to give him the exact sweatshirt that went missing...still see him around and he never ceases to amaze
redryder749 · 1 points · Posted at 18:41:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A kid I know told me that he won a swimming competition by intertwining the lines at the base of the pool, confusing the other boys.
Vitriol761 · 1 points · Posted at 18:42:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yea dog, I'll pay you back bro.
pabodie · 1 points · Posted at 18:43:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy who worked for me made an excuse for needing a week off that was the same as the Michael child adoption story from Lost, which was about a week old at the time.
brukpocket · 1 points · Posted at 18:43:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A previous co-worker and roommate provided these gems:
She was a professional sommelier in a high end restaurant when she was in high school. She had repeatedly told me her parents worked as laborers and tradespeople in the energy industry (oil fields, mining areas etc) so besides the obvious ridiculousness of a teenager having that job there is also the added improbability of a high end/fine dining restaurant being situated in a mainly industrial area to cater to a migrant workforce.
She was also a well paid model for several years before starting university, however she won't (more like can't) provide any proof.
She supplemented her income to over 100k a year (more than doubling her working wage) with freelance writing ranging from technical articles, fiction, poetry and op ed pieces. All were supposedly writing under one or more pseudonyms and she refused multiple requests by several people to read her work because of the 'personal nature' of the material. Strangely with this kind of income she still needed a roomate to help pay the rent and had 10's of thousands in student debt.
She claimed to maintain a paid subscription to one or more psychological and scientific journals (she was never clear on any details like names and numbers). During arguments or debates she would cite "studies" and articles that just happen to support whatever she was saying.
She claimed she was a high level french player but hadn't practiced in years.
Claimed to be an artist (she owned an easel) but never had any work to show because she would burn each canvas after it was done (because the work was too personal).
If I think of any more i'll add them.
frankitx · 1 points · Posted at 18:44:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My current tennant. She states she has pancreatic cancer (doesn't). Says her house blew up on her during Hurricane Sandy and that the firemen dug her up from the rubble (she never was a home owner and her body is unscathed). She has had 4 kidney transplants. She used to go to bars and seduce guys and if they tried to take her home, she would get them so drunk and drive off with their cars and crash them and walk away from the site. She has four kids from a previous marriage and a $6 billion dollar trust fund that her parents wont let her touch (as to why she is late on rent. Her parents also disowned her.) Two weeks after telling us about her kids, she told us that she was never married and didn't have kids. She uses four different names interchangeably (she actually does, we got in trouble for sending back mail for people who didnt live there, and it was hers).
We have tried evicting her and now she is claiming squatters rights, so now we need to get a lawyer.
Dolphin_Titties · 1 points · Posted at 18:44:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A friend of mine at Highschool would visit his dad in a different city every other weekend, and would come back with ridiculous stories - presumably because nobody was there to confirm or deny them. My favourite one was a story about how he and his friend 'Tony' ambushed a poker game in a warehouse, in order to rescue Tony's brother - and shot several people dead. This is in England btw. The best detail was that Tony's brother was named Anthony.
TheRealGuy29 · 1 points · Posted at 18:45:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Told us he his grandfather was African American. Which was false. Told us he is directly related to Rudy from the football movie
gumbydude · 1 points · Posted at 18:45:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I worked maintenance at my old high school during the summers and there was an old bus driver/janitor that told the craziest lies:
He was Conway Twitty's bus driver for 20 years
He was a Captain in the Army and won a bronze star
He won the lottery and donated it all to St. Jude's, where there is a wing named after him
Was a foster child growing up (that part is true), but one of his foster parents was a famous televangelist who secretly made him work as a slave, with whippings and all.
He had kept a small portion (a few million) of his lottery winnings to live on and he worked as a bus driver for free because he just loved being around kids.
Now, I am open to the idea that some of those could be true, but this guy was a lifelong member of the community. I'd only been around 18 or 19 years, but everyone else had known him forever, and never once did any of those things appear to happen. When the other janitors would press him on the details, he got extremely pissed and would just walk off, unable to provide any kind of corroboration.
PotMinister · 1 points · Posted at 18:46:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When we were younger he told me his family was best friends with Hillary Duff and she would come over often. He lied a lot.
bpwoods97 · 1 points · Posted at 18:46:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
She told me she could get us 6 POUNDS of shrooms for free...
Topher3001 · 1 points · Posted at 18:46:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Knew this dude who told a plethora of stories, including but not limited to:
-Knew and has black belt in 3 different martial arts.
-Spoke 7 different languages (despite never hearing him using anything besides English).
-Traveled extensively because his parents were ambassadors, but now lives in bum fudge nowhere NJ.
-Recruited and worked for both the FBI and CIA.
-Worked as a chef in a Michelin star restaurant.
-Was once a special forces operative.
All of these "accomplishments" before the age of 27.
Dr_Kaos · 1 points · Posted at 18:46:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That right after he got his drivers license, he test drove a brand new Lotus. Proceeded to get into a drag race and ended up flipping the Lotus. He walked away from the wreck. Walked back to the dealership. Then he just tossed the keys back at the dealer and said "Hope it's insured" and walked out of the dealership.
A close 2nd place lie was he knew a pilot and could fly us all to Vegas anytime we wanted. Called him out on it a few times. Finally he admitted that he couldn't do it. Because the pilot got busted by the FAA for buzzing the tower. He didn't get busted for that, but when they came to arrest him on the plane, he walked off with only 1 can of beer left in his 6-pack holder. Arrested him for flying drunk. Can't take us to Vegas...
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:47:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he was in a high speed chase in a car with Fred Durst.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:48:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I worked with a guy who used to tell us that he flew home to England to visit his parents over the weekend, quite regularly. We worked in the DC metro area, which would've made the round trip flight about a 10 hour flight, excluding getting to and from the airport. He worked full time, so this was impossible, but he would double down anytime anyone suggested he was lying.
sidtrey · 1 points · Posted at 18:48:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I am one, but I may be lying.
OPT_HUNTER · 1 points · Posted at 18:48:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My flight instructor told me that he use to be a 727 captain and he once got the airplane out of a flat spin by deploying the emergency slides.
eqleriq · 1 points · Posted at 18:49:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I told my classmates in 4th grade that I walked to the USA from Brasil. They said it was impossible but not because of the distance but because they weren't connected. So I made my fingers walk on the map showing how i could do it. Not once did they question the massive distance.
Fools. I didn't actually walk from Brasil.
kommiesketchie · 1 points · Posted at 18:49:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend told me that the first time he had sex, his girl had an orgasm a few minutes in and he just kept going for almost an hour.
Thing is, I was there.
thatswhatshesaidxx · 1 points · Posted at 18:50:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
When I was younger and in my "asshole" days I would spend a lot of time with this girl from a solidified biker family....some claim "oh, my family is H.A." or something, but this was real. So real on fact I actually spent time doing little "here n there" for her dad. So I saw it and I knew it....all that aside, they were actually great people.
Now, here comes this girl Sheena...Sheena was a hang-around that always wanted to be a tough bad girl from the wrong side (er, our side) of the tracks but literally lived in a mansion and hid when her mom's Mercedes drove past the area looking for her.
One guy we knew used to claim he was so dangerous and trained he was registered a deadly weapon or some shit....never really questioned because he could actually fight and we've seen him beat up multiple people before.
Sheena meets him and he leaves.
Later that night, as if none of us remember, Sheena comes to biker house spouting off about how she's a registered deadly weapon and no one should fuck with her and....whatever, eyes roll, weed rolls, no one's paying attention.
Sheena needs attention.
Sheena decides that the best way to fit in is to talk to the other, older, actual biker broads as though she's one of them -- something along the lines of "outta the chair, bitxh"
The woman Sheena said this to was a tiny little thing. That tiny little thing punched Sheena in the mouth and Sheena's response was to fall to her knees and cry, holding her face.
It's silent because Sheena (and us young hang-arounds) were like 16-17 at the time and we all did just see a grown ass woman hit this kid.
Sheena's sobbing.
Suddenly my other homegirl who's in this family pipes up: "she's a deadly weapon. she's charging up".
I died.
hapiscan · 1 points · Posted at 18:50:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There was this girl who once when we were in high school said he had traveled during the weekend to another state to have a heart surgery. Supposedly, it happened on friday, she came back on saturday, rested at her home on Sunday, and it was monday and she was at school. She even showed us "proof". A little piece of bandage at his chest (above the boob), covering the cut that was made to get to her heart. She also added that she couldn't get agitated at all, because of her condition.
Another day, she said she was going to move to another Country, so much people was saying goodbye (she was rather popular). The next semester she came to school and said that it was a joke.
Just-some-dude- · 1 points · Posted at 18:50:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a guy when I was younger who couldn't stand being out of the limelight and if anyone upstaged him he would tell the most outrages lies in order to get attention. Bare in mind this was a long time ago but the Ps2 had just been released and he was yet to get one, well when me and a friend were speaking about ours he came out with the claim that through a connection in the industry he had got a PlayStation 7 that was brown and fury and his mum has go s pink one. Them being close family friends we still joke to this day that we can't wait for Sony to release this and tease him over not letting us play it
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:50:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Just before Christmas holidays, guy tells me his sister has died. In floods of tears about "how its going to be the first Christmas without her". To my surprise, I see the sister the next week. Apparently it was a joke...
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:51:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is sort of embarrassing because of how much I believed at first. I was a 14yr old kid washing dishes at my local cafe trying to earn some money. One of the kitchen hands was a 17yr old named Will, who I thought was the man. To pass the long hours in the kitchen we chatted away and this is what I learnt about Will:
He was a butcher working night shifts (while he was at still at school)
He was a world champion tae kwon do practitioner.
On weekends he worked as a bouncer at a club and often bet the shit out if people for fun and got away with it.
He spoke fluent Spanish (we are in New Zealand)
He was in the army
He went on peace keeping missions with the SAS to East Timor.
Because he was in the army they let him vote in the general elections even though he was 17
He as kicked out of his last highs hoop for beating up a teacher.
He was having sex on the regular. But would never go down on a girl coz real guys don't do that.
And many more I forgot or didn't realise it was a blatant lie.
Falkner09 · 1 points · Posted at 18:51:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy I know claimed to have personally known (Matthew Shepard,)[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matthew_Shepard] and had all sorts of inside info about a cover up involving the "truth" of Shepard's murder. He knew all of this because he was in Wyoming at the time of the murder for some kind of mechanic school program. Never mind the fact that he wasn't in Wyoming until ~4 years after the murder.
julie-xx · 1 points · Posted at 18:52:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
a kid i went to school with told me he found jesus's left sandal in his closet. apparently he also regularly got into fights with sharks and met indiana jones
metalmilitia587 · 1 points · Posted at 18:52:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One guy I know claims he runs three businesses and operates solely in Japan. He is apparently a programming genius and they pay hundreds of thousands to use his codes. Also he is fluent in multiple languages even though he never speaks them. Last I heard he moved to Japan to teach at a university after having graduated from high school. This kid is amazing.
DarkestEmber · 1 points · Posted at 18:53:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I used to be an attention seeking little shit when I was younger. Some of my golden moments:
I kept faking passing out to seem cool and act like a victim. I pretended that I was psychic, and would always fake talking to some dead girl who haunted the school
For the longest time, I told everyone that me, an 8 year old, was a secret spy who went to fight the russians every night, and told the teachers that i should be exempt from homework because I was "defending the country"
I was in detention, and asked to go to the washroom. I spent half an hour in there, shirking after school punishment, until I decided to go back. To explain my absense, and seem older and more cool, I told the teacher that while I was peeing, white stuff came out, and according to the library books, it was semen, meaning I was an adult now. Looking back on that one, I realise that she must have thought I was jacking it for 30 minutes... long live my 10 year old cringey self
modshavepenisevy · 1 points · Posted at 18:53:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Eh this one bitch who accosted Bernie in Seattle was sugarbabying in the area but hooked up with me (I didn't pay her shit) and she told me I was the only guy she didn't not use a condom with. I wasn't born yesterday. In the end she got her justice over whitey by stealing my weed after I told her she was too clingy. Oh, life.
shindoushuichi · 1 points · Posted at 18:53:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This guy in middle school told everyone that he regularly beat Tiger Woods at golf.
AnAntichrist · 1 points · Posted at 18:54:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A friend of mine was telling us about a guy on his baseball team when we were at work one day. It's not super crazy but it stuck with me for some reason. My friend was driving down the highway and called the liar to ask if he was on his way. Liar friend says he's stuck in traffic on the highway right before this one town. It seemed odd to my friend because he had just passed through it.
AnAntichrist · 1 points · Posted at 18:54:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A friend of mine was telling us about a guy on his baseball team when we were at work one day. It's not super crazy but it stuck with me for some reason. My friend was driving down the highway and called the liar to ask if he was on his way. Liar friend says he's stuck in traffic on the highway right before this one town. It seemed odd to my friend because he had just passed through it.
AnOldHermit · 1 points · Posted at 18:54:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He claimed he worked for the CIA as a deep-cover operative. I didn't believe it till he got picked up by a helicopter in the finale.
Whack_a_mallard · 1 points · Posted at 18:54:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
First time meeting the guy in a girl's dorm room as he finishes helping her set up connection to school's Wi-Fi. She compliments him on being smart and he begins to tell us how his grandpa is able to hack into the white house mainframe because he use to work for them 30 years ago and they haven't changed the security since then.
Same guy: Tells me how he got a speeding ticket for going over the speed limit on his bicycle, 30 in a 20mph area. Dude weighed at least 250lb with turkey legs. Not sure if compulsive liar or just likes to peacock
Mltnhghts · 1 points · Posted at 18:55:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There was this kid we had in our highschool. He graduated with my class at age 21 (four years older than everyone else). He was a serious compulsive liar and always found himself in shit with the law, teachers and everyone around him. It was sad cause 90% of the time, he wasn't doing anything wrong in the first place, he just lied to sound cool. Example: He's walking home in the dark one night from work, cop pulls over and asks hows he doing, tells the cop he was dealing drugs or something, lands himself in the jail for the night, tells everyone at school he beat up a cop and had to be taken down by another four and that they were crooked cops just picking on him for no reason.
Anyway thats not his biggest lie. Asides from all the talk of money, guns, drugs and cars that everyone got used to, this one pretty much drove him out of town.
It's a sunny day, about 4 weeks left of our final year and I think it was the second last game of the football season. Our league stretches the whole county, which is a small town kinda area. Loggers, construction workers, farmers and one of the bigger military bases are up here. Since this is kind of a big game for such a small area the local town tv station shows up to video, which is then broadcast live to pretty much everyone who has cable. In between plays they interview some students, pan through crowd cheering and make some commentary. It was half time, and theres about a 20 minute interval where our school is having a bbq. They crew decide to walk around and ask people questions. This kid somehow found his way in front of the camera. It started off great, he said he was excited to graduate and how its been a long time coming for him but he's excited to get out there and work. Follow in his dad's footsteps. 'What does your dad do?' they ask. Then he goes on about how he's been in the young recruits or something (I'm not military so I don't know the proper name) and explains how he's training for afgan after he graduates. 'Oh your dad must be proud!' they say. Then he proceeds to explain how his dad was killed a couple weeks ago over seas (we had a few guys from our town die over there during this time) and how scared he is but feels he has to go. Followed by this long patriotic fumble-brag.
His dad, who's a living breathing plumber, had to call into the local paper and give this lengthy apology after they picked up the story and printed it.
tl;dr - kid lied about his plumber dad dying overseas and claimed he was in the military
michaelnpdx · 1 points · Posted at 18:55:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I had a classmate growing up who was pretty obsessed with the military and spent all of high school in ROTC. It seemed like a no brainer that he would be leaving for service directly after our senior year, but something must have happened that affected his eligibility. The next time I saw him was when I rolled through the Wendy's drive through a year later and saw him leaning out the drive through window to take a hit off of a pipe from the van in front of me. When I got to the window I asked him how things were going and he told me they were great. He had moved to Arizona and met an older lady, and they got married and came back. He said that he just took the job at Wendy's until the Army Ranger squad he was in had an assignment. This was June 2001.
Nobody saw or heard from James for 3 years, until he just showed up at our five year HS reunion party at a local bar. He was telling us about being shipped out to Afghanistan and fighting the Taliban, etc etc. Even though I doubted his Wendy's cover I even started believing him. He had so much detail.
As the night went on people began dispersing from the bar, and towards the dance club. At 2 am he asked us if we knew where any afterhours parties were going to be and none of us were much into the partying until the sun came up scene anymore. He stood up when the music died and yelled, "Hey everyone, I just got back from fighting for your freedom in Afghanistan, and I want to keep partying. Where's the PARTY?"
Apparently there was a group of men who had just returned from service also, and they walked over to him to say hello. They asked him what unit he was in, and where he fought. The mood quickly changed when he provided an inadequate answer, and I left as one of the larger guys was inviting him out to the parking lot. I left immediately as I didn't want to involuntarily be outed as a member of little Jimmy's platoon.
We later found out that the gaps in time were really stints in Jail and in rehab.
alwayssaycorner · 1 points · Posted at 18:56:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That my father was Erik Estrada.
ConsolationPrzFightr · 1 points · Posted at 18:56:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Paraphrasing a bit here:
I randomly ran into my ex while in California for something that totally wasn't for the purpose of seeing my ex
I only saw him for a day
We didn't fuck
I realized I'm not the same person I was back when we were together and that I didn't want to be with him
I'll communicate this time
How I took her at her word I'll never understand. Good news is she's gone and I no longer make time for dishonest people.
Lemonlaksen · 1 points · Posted at 18:56:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
She claimed that she used to play tennis with one of the best tennis players of the world when they were kids. Then She invited me out to play with her one day. She literally had never played a game before. Had to explain the most basic rules for her...
Still don't get why should would actively expose her own lies...
thecrayonbox · 1 points · Posted at 18:56:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know a guy who for some reason, out of all things, lies about the "fossils" he finds. He genuinely does go rock hunting; he does not find anything more valuable than plain rocks, but claims to find "gemstones" (watered down pebbles that are smooth) and "footprints" (erosion marks). He finds pictures of pretty rocks on pinterest and then uploads them to facebook and claims they are his finds from that day. He also has not completed a degree of any sort but claims to be attending a prestigious school for his ph.D in paleontology at a school that does not offer a ph.D program in paleontology.
There are cooler things to lie about. I don't really get this.
Political_Prostitute · 1 points · Posted at 18:57:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My brother and my dad got into a shouting match. My brother had left the house and said he was going to get the neighbors to call the cops on him. He came back like 30 seconds later saying that he had called the cops and they were on the way. He told/is still telling a lot of lies. Unfortunately he's my own brother and I can't trust him. There's a reason that I have trust issues and this is the primary reason why.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:58:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Growing up I had a friend who wore glasses but said that he was born blind and learned to hot-wire motorcycles for the hells angels by reading the brail on the wires. To this day he still says it's true.
not-too-much-trouble · 1 points · Posted at 18:58:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Guy my sister was engaged to when I was a kid - the most obvious lie was that he was on the US Ski team. He didn't even ski - even when I moved to Vail some years later I invited him out to show his "stuff", he declined. Other lies (in no order of magnitude); he once stopped an armed robbery with his car, he saw bigfoot and had a sample of his fur (I shudder to think where he got that baggy of black coarse hair), and he was previously engaged to Olivia Newton John. Fun guy.
bodash · 1 points · Posted at 18:58:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
After he was arrested for drug charges the police made him a special investigator in the police force. We called him officer from that point on.
Australixx · 1 points · Posted at 18:58:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I only spent about a month around this person, and only for a couple weeks did i really talk to him. He had many stories of what he did at his home, most seemed legit but there were two that stuck out as BS. One was that he had an old cannon that he occasionally would fire off. The other was that he made a toothpick gun - which doesnt seem so ridiculous until he adds that it was fully automatic and it was heatseeking. He said hed use it to shoot mosquitoes down.
Reverie_of_an_INTP · 1 points · Posted at 18:58:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend who'm I know doesn't know how to drive stick told me some guy drove a lotus to the park and left the keys there so he took it for a joy ride without being noticed. When I asked him if it was stick he paused with a face that said 'shit I've been caught' and then said yeah and changed the topic and I didn't press further.
kalethan · 1 points · Posted at 18:58:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That she spoke something like 90 different languages. She was ~15 and in high school. It would've been really easy to call her on it but it was in an introduction to camp setting so nobody bothered.
infantaestrella · 1 points · Posted at 18:59:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One of the best ones my friend told me was that a car had driven through her house! It didnt make local news or anything. And I couldn't go round to see or anything.. for a week. By that time they had it all fixed up and repainted and everything. The insurance paid up straight away apparently so they got it all done super fast, same pictures on the wall, painted perfectly, same ornaments etc.
AlphaWolf44 · 1 points · Posted at 18:59:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Probably too late to the show here. But a girl I knew in college told me on multiple occasions that she has drowned 7 times...
I mean, 7? Wouldn't you never go near water again after maybe the 2nd near death experience?
Lukevym · 1 points · Posted at 18:59:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
An acquaintance once told me he smoked a blunt on a crew ship with Ziggy Marley in Jamaica. Obviously fake and why would he be on a crew ship anyway?
Dartimus7 · 1 points · Posted at 18:59:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Knew a girl who kept lying and after I told her that I'm not going to continue with our friendship went on to..
Tell me she had a heart condition (never specified which despite being asked) that needed a surgery that had a 90% fail rate
A day after the "surgery" I found out through a friend that she managed to get a procedure that left no scars and had a high percentage success rate instead
When that friend broke it off with her.. she told him that her best friend had died the day before in a large city (we looked through obituaries in the paper and found absolutely no news)
If anyone wants to know I can explain more about the whole situation just don't want to make the post too long and these are the ones that stand out.
(On mobile sorry in advance for any grammar/spelling/formatting mistakes)
chiveon69 · 1 points · Posted at 19:00:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He did something for the police or some type of city service and got a badge that had his name on there. He may of even Prichard on the Internet, but he bragged that he works for the undercover police and he used to carry a non registered gun around showing off.
Pathological liar and not a smart man all around.
hydraloo · 1 points · Posted at 19:00:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have this reddit friend named r/thathappened
oodluspoodlus · 1 points · Posted at 19:01:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ex-friend claimed that a dude on a motorcycle tried to race him at a stoplight. So he claims he came up behind the guy, did a wheelie on his own motorcycle, and gave the guy a little tiny nudge on his helmet with his front wheel to show him who was boss. Didn't fucking kill the guy or himself, just a little nudge to show him what was up, then the racer sheepishly pulled back. Such bullshit. And that's the reason we are no longer friends.
PopeJohnPaulRingoGeo · 1 points · Posted at 19:01:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he would build a beautiful wall along the US-Mexico border, and get Mexico to pay for it. Also, that he is a brilliant, billionaire businessman who always keeps things "very classy."
yarash · 1 points · Posted at 19:01:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"I only work here because I'm bored. I could make millions on the stock market if I wanted to." Yet he had a three hour commute to the office. He didn't last long.
marklydon · 1 points · Posted at 19:01:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What if most people commenting here are lying in a bid to get top comment?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 19:01:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Compulsive liar sister wanted to sleep in the downstairs bedroom at my grandparents when we came to town for a family wedding, but was thwarted by my having already requested to have that room.
Her lie:
She said she brought the house electrical schematics to her doctor, and he determined that the outlets upstairs weren't adequate for her CPAP machine.
Could barely keep a straight face for that one.
Color_blinded · 1 points · Posted at 19:02:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Only met one habitual liar way back in middle school.
Swore he had a deal with Universal that they accepted his script for a new James Bond movie and are filming it right now. Wasn't allowed to reveal any of the plot or the title.
That he saw an advanced screening of The Matrix: Reloaded long before the movie was released and describes a couple scenes that never took place in it.
Is a master piano player and would always get a standing ovation at some local restaurant that let people play (not smart to brag to an actual pianist. He later couldn't find where "C" is.)
Is a computer expert when confronted with the fact that I'm some kind of computer wiz. Backed up his claim when he knew what year the first computer was invented and I didn't. He didn't know what an operating system is, or how to access the control panel.
He can run an 8 minute mile. He's a severe asthmatic.
Can shoot 9/10 free throws (how modest of him to not be 10/10!). He only knows the granny shot. Ball can't even reach the rim.
ct9520 · 1 points · Posted at 19:03:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My now ex girlfriend told me and my parents that her best friend died in a car crash while she was also in the car, crying mind you.
I call her and her mom, no answer
The ex texts me from her moms phone the next day saying the ex is fine
I call her mom the day after and she tells me that she has no idea what I was talking about, the ex was with her friends the other night when the alleged car crash happened.
Long story short she made up a car crash so she could be away from her phone and cheat on me and convinced my parents this happened as well.
Classic.
The next day I told her I was in a car crash and never texted her again.
GREAT_SALAD · 1 points · Posted at 19:03:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When I was 12-15 I had a neighbor of the same age. When the second transformers was announced he claimed that he already had a copy of the 3rd and 4th movies, but couldn't let us watch them for legal reasons.
Shortly after we got our PS3, he then claimed that he already had a PS4, but had the same reason for us not being able to play it. Surprisingly he guess a decent amount of the features correctly.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 19:04:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Guy in my band class comes into class one day pretending to limp, with a blue athletic thing around his knee and tells us that he got shot working at Chuck E Cheese while wearing the mouse suit. Everyone goes home and looks it up and there's no news stories about a chuck e cheese robbery. The next day he comes in, no cast or fake limp or anything. Never speaks of it ever again and everyone acts like it never happened to this day (this was about a year ago).
U_apostrophe_R · 1 points · Posted at 19:06:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had a kid I worked with who would steal candy bars/snacks from the township gas station. I worked on a tree farm so we would occasionally stop there on breaks. Our boss was cool and funny, but this pissed him off, for obvious reasons. Later he asked the kid where he got the Snickers bar that he could see outlined in the kid's pocket, and he said from his cooler. Boss called bullshit and asked him to take it out, then observed it. "Then why is it all melted?" Kid continues to lie...
The best was when the kid wouldn't stay off his phone after multiple warnings and finally boss says something like: "What is that!?" Kid tries to hide it behind his back: "Nothing." Boss: "DON'T FUCKIN' LIE TO ME!" Then grabs the phone and chucks it into the woods. XD
OnlyMath · 1 points · Posted at 19:06:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"I killed a 32 point buck with my bare hands." He was serious and would get defensive if we debated the facts.....
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 19:07:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Coworker said he was a airforce Captain at the age of 19, flew a AC130 spectre gunship, and was shot down in Iraq.
Also same guy said he also created a enzyme that would break down crude oil naturally and he made millions on it. He works at walmart now.
boomanbean · 1 points · Posted at 19:07:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[trumpet]
carnyking420 · 1 points · Posted at 19:09:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Telling me (a veteran) on multiple occasions that EVERY special forces recruiter was actively trying to recruit him.
Makabajones · 1 points · Posted at 19:09:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"My Uncle works for Nintendo"
ubetts · 1 points · Posted at 19:10:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a guy in high school that claimed he had the best "kind bud" and that we should come over and try it. When we got there, he said that he spilled grape soda on it and it disintegrated. This is one of a plethora of lies he was known for.
74donkey · 1 points · Posted at 19:11:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He said he took his family to Hawaii on their summer vacation last year and without me asking for more info, he mentioned they drove there.
KillEmWithFire · 1 points · Posted at 19:11:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have a friend of my wife's family that was both a pathological liar and a bit of an alcoholic. Probably the worst one I heard out of him was his telling a woman at a bar who lost her son a few years back that he lost his wife and son in a similar way.
He's never been married and tells everyone he's sterile from the military...
TheLagDemon · 1 points · Posted at 19:11:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
An acquaintance of mine once tried to convince me he'd had a nine way one night. Yes, him and eight girls. I was skeptical.
SatinSerpent · 1 points · Posted at 19:38:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That was me, brah. Shit was so cash.
OpheliaDrowns · 1 points · Posted at 19:12:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Nancy told us she had her foot run-over by an airport cart and had to have 3 toes amputated.
I also once told everyone on my bus in 7th grade that I was dating Daniel Radcliff. I hate my 7th grade self.
brennaisafreak · 1 points · Posted at 19:12:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've known too many insane liars in my life. My grandma as she aged lost her mind, and to compensate she came up with stories to fill the missing pieces I guess. She lied earlier in her life according to my father, but as she aged it just got so bad. She claimed to have a firefighter boyfriend who at one point broke his legs on a roof that collapsed underneath him. He needed shin splints and so she didn't get to see him much after that. I think his name was George. She was very committed to this boyfriend. I honestly think he came up just because she missed my grandfather who died in his early sixties. I see my mother going down the same road as her mother and it makes me pretty sad. I hope I don't age this way. In middle school, my friend Bryce and I had a strange friend named Ben. Ben and Bryce were both gay which in Texas was pretty rare so they became friends over their shared experiences as gay young people in the bible belt. Well, Ben always had a knack for fantastic stories. He apparently was on Broadway and was even in Repo! The Genetic Opera because of how great his talent was for singing. He was a back up dancer for Lady Gaga and would show us practice routines that conveniently had him out of the shot. Now, the lies devastated my friend Bryce and they stopped talking. In high school, Ben tried to reconnect with us but he was still lying. He pretends to have traveled all over the world and have a famous singing career. In his pictures he edits in the tags to famous clothing lines like Versace although he gets his clothes from thrift stores. He claims to have gone to Russia to see his birth parents, he claimed to be in England on facebook even though we just saw him at the coffee house last night. He lived a whole life inside his head I think. He also had a real love for ridiculous shoes that were high heeled in the toes and not at the heel. He would make his own all the time and require his more gullible friends to hold him up as he walked down the hallway. The stranger his outfits, the better.
Now that we are older, my husband has a friend from his older unit that followed us to his new unit. He's a nice guy and I like him but he is definitely coping for some mental anguish by lying. He tells all types of fantastical stories about his life in Louisiana and as the son of a pretty fucked up fisherman who doesn't love him until recently apparently. He claims he owns his father's current home and just lets him live there. He's told us crazy stories about how strong and tough he is as well. For example, when he was 15 some guy drove by him really fast as he was walking down the street and slapped him on the back of the head through the car window. So, he somehow catches up to the car and starts hanging on the car window and beating the guy up as the driver speeds up the truck. His friends totally filmed it and it got totally viral, just he isn't able to pull it up anywhere. Then he follows the guy home, because he apparently knew him, and was going to beat him up until his parents showed up. Then he felt bad and left. He's also fought dogs and had his hand "gutted", whatever that means. And always claims his dogs at home are better than ours and can do all these fantastical things. He also is super charming and can have any girl he wants if he decides to, but he's taking a break from dating so that's why we never see him with any girls. The only thing that perplexes me is that he may actually have a lot of money? My husband saw his bank account open on his computer one day and it had like a million dollars in his checking or something, but I'm still skeptical that's faked as well. He's a really nice guy, and we like him a lot, but he just always feels the need to over compensate.
Drazah123 · 1 points · Posted at 19:12:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My dad told me a story of when he was a kid and hated eating peas. There was Popeye on TV and he wanted to watch it but his Mom said he couldn't till he finished his peas. Dad took the peas and put it in the napkin and threw it away and made it clear to his Mom that she didn't need to worry about the napkin as he threw it away in the trash. Infact he really made sure as he kept telling her that. 5 minutes later he's eating the peas out of the trash can.
alexgogurt · 1 points · Posted at 19:13:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a great aunt who always told very very extravagant stories. My favorite one is how my grandparents met when my grandma was kidnapped and tied up in a barn, and my grandpa drove his truck through the barn and saved her......... In reality they met at the roller rink when they were teens.
OhTheHueManatee · 1 points · Posted at 19:14:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have a zealously bigoted lady at work who lies about facts, news stories and what's in the bible. Her current favorite tirade is how Indians own 95% of the gas stations in America. The Indian government has been supporting them to do this so they can hold oil/gas hostage from America. According to her this has been proven but Obama refuses to do anything about it.
Antrr80 · 1 points · Posted at 19:15:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew this chick who was such a compulsive liar. She claimed a famous rapper ate her out, she got sent to Hollywood on American Idol, none of her three kids were actually hers, but her nephews and nieces, she got accepted but declined three Ivy League universities, she was standing on the Brooklyn bridge when the 9/11 attacks began, when she was a child, her cat somehow made it from PA to CA to reunite with her family after they moved and left it behind...and that's not all. That's just what I can recall at the top of my head.
mpd105 · 1 points · Posted at 19:16:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Whenever this one kid tells us about any sort of sexual experience he's had with a girl. I just....know.....I know he's lying
SirCollin · 1 points · Posted at 19:16:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A kid who sat with us at lunch would lie about everything. I remember one time he told us his uncle worked at Microsoft and got him a copy of Assassin's Creed 3 months before it was released. He "Proved it" by bringing in the steel case you get if you preorder the game. He said he wasn't allowed to bring the disc though.
cvnzcmcrell · 1 points · Posted at 19:16:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
My ex manager at my old job was an habitual liar. He was an avid paint baller for a group of guys, and he made it seem like he was one of the elite players in the country...but after a bit of looking into it, he was the guy that planned the trips, booked the hotels, and reloaded the teams bullets.
Also, same guy, he said when the Chinese Premier came to New Zealand, that he and his team were asked to be security for him because the Chinese security didn't have jurisdiction in New Zealand. What a pack of BS.
KokosGirl · 1 points · Posted at 19:16:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend told me that he with GF had sex in a cornfield. In an orgasmic moment she raised her hands and the lightning stroke her in a palm! Becouse of this strike she... accidentaly TOOk a shit on him! But rain's not began so they had to stay there till night so nobody to see them dirty and stinky! Beeeaahhh!!!
Kittehquaf21 · 1 points · Posted at 19:16:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I young man working at a restaurant tried to convince me he graduated 6 years early from k-12, invented a helicopter that the military is using that is made of crushed diamonds, and he is working at the restaurant because he is bored and really has so much money he doesn't know what to do with it. He was definitely lying..
Squirrella · 1 points · Posted at 19:16:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
An old coworker told us all she'd contracted HIV. Huge outpouring of love, sympathy and support. A week later she said it had been " a mix-up at the clinic" and that she was fine. Also she told everyone we were dating while I was trying really hard to patch things up with my ex-husband.
bearfox10 · 1 points · Posted at 19:16:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Guy I work with said he caught a raven bare handed, cut out its tongue, and it sounded just like a husqvarna chain saw, also told us about a hotel in a helicopter!
MyLiesAreTruth · 1 points · Posted at 19:17:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"I trained my pet extra rare black rattle snake to obey my commands. I would tell her 'Hey bitch, go get my cigarettes' and she would slither over to my nightstand, grab the pack in her mouth and bring them to me."
Etherealizee · 1 points · Posted at 19:17:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This was last year, in 10th grade. My liar "friend" is somewhat popular. So he says hes dating a girl from his church. Turns out its this girl he met through league of legends and lives in fucking North Carolina (I love in Canada). Fast forward 2 months, says he hooked up with one of the more popular/attractive girls in my school. Claims he got a blowjob during karaoke, and the girl is "crazy" for him. The worst part is he bragged about this to everyone, basically trying to convey that shes a slut or smth, like defemation. I confront the girl since im ok friends with her and ask about it. She had no idea what i was talking about, turns out he pulled this lie for like a month and made every fucking detail up. No one trusts him anymore. Fucking asshole
FreeFallFormation · 1 points · Posted at 19:17:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Told me he tried killing himself and was in the psych ward for a few days. Which is why he never came over to my friend's place one weekend with all of us. I got in contact with his parents and they told me he was playing video games by himself all weekend and didn't leave the house. Shit was fucked up especially considering his cousin hung himself a few months back and a friend of ours was actually in a psych ward for a mental breakdown.
CrookedLungs · 1 points · Posted at 19:18:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have an old band mate who used to lie to us about everything.
-can't practice because I'm really hooked on coke and meth. (He had never done either of them)
-told us he was best friends with the booking manager at Rise records and that he was emailing him all the time asking us to sign with Rise. When we asked to see the email he would just say he couldn't log into his email on his phone or some other excuse.
-got kicked out of his parents' house and moved in with a girl he just met and proposed to her. When she decided it might not be a good idea, he tried to guilt trip her by telling her he had a terminal brain tumor. Told us the same thing and that he was quitting the band. Another band member offered to let him stay with him and take care of him. He ended up staying there for two months and didn't pay for anything and made a giant mess everywhere. Finally, he broke up with the last girl and moved out of our friend's house and into another girl's house. A month or so later she found him fucking another girl in her bed and kicked him out. She later told us that he never mentioned the brain tumor and that he said he used to tour with Pierce the Veil and Slaves (both huge lies).
The most fucked up part about that story is that he kept telling us that he had cancer (which was a lie) and I actually have thyroid cancer, and he knew that.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 19:18:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a girl who would basically have been anywhere you've been. So I'd say I was at a beach in Florida, and she'd say she was too at some point, in college, studying underwater archaeology (which, isn't true).
ub3rscoober · 1 points · Posted at 19:18:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One of the more ridiculous lies that I heard was from a girl who was a bit on the hefty side telling me she got a scholarship for swimming. So because I was a swimmer, I pressed on and asked her in what event and what her times were. She told me she got a scholarship for swimming a 50yd butterfly in a minute (something I was able to do within my first year of swimming). When I called her out on it, she said, "Did I say 1 minute? I meant 10 seconds".
cockslave1 · 1 points · Posted at 19:19:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I once knew a guy that told me he...smoked out a ghost. I'm not kidding. There was some legend at a cemetery not far from us of about some pigman(?) type ghost that has an axe for anyone who happens to wander in the place at night. Well, he says he just drove up to the cemetery one night and suddenly he spots the pigman ghost. The ghost apparently turned to him swinging the axe up, when my friend pulls something out of his pocket, a joint. The pigman stops what he's doing. At this point, the dude sparks the j up and offers it to the ghost. He says they then had an hour and a half conversation in the bed of his truck smoking joint after joint. Might I add that this guy was DEAD fucking serious, trying to impress all of my friends. I have never been so appalled at a lie in my life. I wish I could've recorded my facial expressions.
EXTRA: This same guy once told me he walked into a trap house in a very scary neighborhood and (lol) walked in by himself with a handgun and shot and killed nearly 15 people in the house. It actually got to the point where I couldn't stand being around this guy anymore. I sometimes wonder if this man legitimately had mental problems or if he's actually telling the truth and he's just the most bad ass man in existence lol.
think_future · 1 points · Posted at 19:20:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
People think I'm a compulsive liar, I don't know why but I have not once ever lied in my life time.
madisonhighschool · 1 points · Posted at 19:20:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Know this guy since middle school; we were in the same ESL class 6th grade. I tested out of ESL by end of 6th grade, he was still in it pretty much the entirety of middle school. Passed forward to high school, he adopted a new persona as this Americanized Vietnamese kid. These are some of the things he did: -he claimed he doesn't speak Vietnamese well (except you were in ESL a few years ago T___T ) -called some Vietnamese kids at school "FOBs" (Fresh Off the Boat) (again, he was in ESL just a few years ago!) -claimed that his dad make a lot of money and he family moved from FLorida for work (nope!) -obviously gay in his demeanor (I'm also gay so I have gaydar) yet claimed to go out with several girls. These girls all said they didn't go out, they "hang out" as friends since they all think of him more as a girlfriend -stole his brother's artwork and passed it off as his own -fast forward to post-college years. He's now a pretty successful photographer but we learned that he made up a bunch of fake Facebook profiles to "Like" and comment on his own photos to appear popular -still super closeted even though it was pretty obvious from his demeanor that he pretty much has two feet out the closet
sad because he's actually a talented photographer but I just can't stand his lies and general stuckup way, which prevent me from feeling sorry that he's in the closet.
Antrr80 · 1 points · Posted at 19:22:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Knew a guy who was a cook in the Navy, and claimed he got sent on a secret mission that resulted in him being the lone survivor of a ambush in Iraq. Thing is, I served in the military, and saw combat, thus, know what kind of questions to ask when someone makes a claim like that. He couldn't answer any of the questions, instead just claimed the info was classified. I mean, come on...a cook in the NAVY being sent on a secret infantry mission? LMAO!
B00STERGOLD · 1 points · Posted at 20:12:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Your friend was Chief Petty Officer, Casey Ryback.
Antrr80 · 1 points · Posted at 20:16:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had to look that up to get it. Lol.
Stuffyluffy · 1 points · Posted at 19:22:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My sister lied about her friend having cancer so she could live with our dad.
IT_guys_rule · 1 points · Posted at 19:23:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Okay, time to tell the story of K. I'm only calling him K to maintain privacy for him and myself.
I met K at 15. He was 5 years older than I was, and my best friend. He lied to me every single time we spoke. He didn't show up to my father's funeral because the woman that was driving him down here from upstate changed her mind half way through and drove back home, truth was he was at home the entire time, which I found out from his ex-wife.
He drank all day every day, and hid it from everyone.
He didn't show up to my wedding, saying he went to the wrong airport to pick up his girlfriend, even though there's only 1 airport in the area.
He promised we'd go to a Halloween concert, to which I spent my 15 year old self's life savings to buy a badass trench coat, and he never showed up, then said he went with a group of friends.
He lied to everyone about getting married. He kept it a secret and then tried to say he didn't get married.
He stole my original XBox and games, and my entire comic book collection, saying his sister took it from his room.
He would make up any story you can think of as to why he flaked out on our hang outs and planned events. One time he said he was 3 hours late picking me up because a police officer made him speed by pushing his tailgate until he went over the speed limit and they sat for 3 hours talking about movies.
So that's just a small bit, and I'll spare a shitload of small lies and get to the final one.
So I'm in my mid 30s, married with kids. I hear he's sober and back in town and doing great. So we talk after a few years of not wanting to talk (he said some nasty things while drunk) and he seemed great, like the old him, my best friend! He wasn't sober, and he later admitted he was on heroin in little sniffed bags he called fun bags. I told him to get out of my car and he refused, so I dropped him at his sister's house and drove off after tossing his bags from the car, which had a bottle of vodka he stole from his sister and it broke everywhere.
That's 1 person I grew up with that was a compulsive liar. There have been many. It often made me question my ability to know people, and if I was just insane. Thankfully MANY people have the same bullshit stories that he gave me, so I found out 99% of the things I thought were lies were lies.
PM_ME_YOUR_MOMS_BONG · 1 points · Posted at 19:23:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wow. The compulsive liar in my group of friends when I was a kid was also named Michael. Here are a few things he told us:
Someone came in the middle of the night and jack hammered the floor of his garage up.
Someone broke into his garage in the middle of the night and installed headers on his truck. He really just drilled a giant hole in his muffler.
Now this was a long con. Every single time we went to his house he would grab a garage door opener from the top of the fridge and press the button. He said that he was deactivating the house alarm system. He did this for 6 years.
PM_ME_YOUR_MOMS_BONG · 1 points · Posted at 19:27:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One summer he told us he got picked to be in a boy band and had to go to "training" all summer long. Found out later he really went to Job Corps.
0rgal0rg · 1 points · Posted at 19:24:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a girl that claimed to be an Olympic speed skater AND and Olympic cyclist for a European country (we're in Canada). She lived with some friends of mine and she every so often would make up "training sessions" and "meets/qualifiers" over in Europe. This of course meant hiding in her room for 3-4 days STRAIGHT. At one point they found a mountain of garbage stuffed between her mattress and wall.
Poppertina · 1 points · Posted at 19:24:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh, lord. Had this one particular girl in school who really couldn't stand not being the center of attention. May have stemmed from a psychological disorder. I had the pleasure of being the most gullible one out of the bunch. Got things like: -Said she spent her summers touring with Avenged Sevenfold, and that The Rev (their deceased drummer) was her cousin. Also made up hundreds of tales of shenanigans she got into with them.
-For no particular reason, first lied and said she had diabetes, took a regular cloudy blue bic out of her bag, said it was an Epipen, then proceeded to stab herself in the arm with it.
-After getting called on a particularly nasty lie during gym class, proceeded to return to my side after five minutes and say a mutual friend had called her all sorts of nasty things. Said mutual friend had been within my eyesight the entire time, and hadn't come within 20 feet of her.
-She was at least 2% everything. She was white, and at best had a mix of British and some heavily diluted French ancestry.
Most of this took place within the 6-9th grade. She still pawns the A7X story off on unsuspecting strangers.
cpt_drumstik · 1 points · Posted at 19:24:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
there's a friend in my group that claims he was getting head from his ex girlfriend and her mom walked in. he claims she winked, gave him the thumbs up, and walked out.
mongoloid_esquire · 1 points · Posted at 19:24:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
To this day a friend of mine claims that he created the term 'dick weed' in the 2nd grade (1978)---to be fair, I don't really consider him an actual compulsive liar.
Sw-swan · 1 points · Posted at 19:24:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A girl I went to university with told various stories about her being Jewish, her twin sister dying of cancer, how this day was her birthday or how this day was the anniversary of her death, or the day she was diagnosed. In hindsight these anniversaries were announced when someone else was due to be centre of attention for their own birthday/family visit/last exam celebration.
After uni, I got to know her brother pretty well (ran a pub near me, support same football team). She married pretty quickly after graduating. At the wedding (already confused as her family were very clearly Anglican, not Jewish) I was sat with the family and made the mistake of saying to her mother something along the lines of 'this must be a pretty moving day for you, she always speaks so highly of her sister'. 'Umm, sorry what sister?'.
Fucking idiot.
smc5230 · 1 points · Posted at 19:25:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So I worked with this girl at a pizza place, generally night shift, 4- cl. And sometimes she'd hang a round after, so If I go with friends she'd tag along. (By this I mean it happened twice) She got to know 2 of my guy friends who worked at the same place. After that she would just stalk them there. My other coworkers knew my friends even if just face to name recognition. Anyway she started stalking them at their work and inviting herself out with them after.
Fun part, she started telling everyone at work about all the sexual stuff she was doing with them and how they were cheating on their girlfriends with her. They didn't have girlfriends. She also told us at work about how one friend had 3 jobs and the other had 5 jobs. ...but apparently they had time to do all this sexual stuff with her and attend all their jobs...
Mu69 · 1 points · Posted at 19:25:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend was "born"in China.
He says he's half Chinese but is Mexican, also his mom and dad don't look chinese
He visits china every year but never takes pictures.
Says he has made out with multiple girls.
miss_mactastic · 1 points · Posted at 19:27:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Holy shit, do I have a story for you guys. So there's this old friend of mine I met in high school. We'll call her Mandy. We had one extra curricular class together when I was a freshman and she was a junior. Honestly, we were only acquaintances back then but somehow she gathered that we were close pals. I mean, we talked a bit in class, we knew some of the same people and I'm pretty easy to get along with- so I didn't mind too much.
A few years later she added me on Facebook. She would comment on EVERYTHING I posted. When I got my own apartment when I was 20, we discovered she lived really close to me so we started hanging out regularly. We had actually became really good friends for a long time until I started dating who is now my husband.
She was living with this guy that she was just soo in love with, even though they had only known each other for like a month or so... she always seemed to be constantly competing with me on who was the better couple. She actually just bossed him around a lot and treated him like a child, which was stupid because the guy was almost 30.. Then she would go on and on about how guys keep looking at her because she was so attractive. The only thing I could think that anyone would be remotely atrracted to her was her giant boobs, but they were like giant to the point that they were gross. She didn't have a butt and had a somewhat masculine face.
A couple months later, I became pregnant with my daughter. That's when Mandy decided she wanted to get pregnant, too. But it never happened for her and it caused a lot of strain on her relationship with that guy. She ended up having PCOS, which pretty much labeled her infertile.
She ended up leaving that guy and moved to Illinois with her grandmother. There was a time where she would claim to be in and out of the hospital and she would apperently have the nurses message me on facebook. That made no sense to me because that's actually not allowed for nurses to do. Of course I would be really worried about her and pray for her and things. But I was never sure to believe her or not..
Then she moves back to town and gets with this other guy. Considering how all her other relationships went, I told her to go slow with this one. Didn't listen and ended up engaged to him within 2 months. Then she tells him and I both that she was pregnant with triplets... she sent us sonogram pictures on facebook messenger but I never saw the actual copies. None of it seemed right because she claimed to be like 7 or 8 weeks and the sonograms she sent looked to be that the fetuses were more developed than that. This guy was still living with his parents and so they were super involved with his life. They called bullshit on everything. So, he and Mandy got into a bad argument. Then, I got dragged into it somehow and had to hear stories from both sides.
She then told us that the doctors mixed up her paperwork and stuff with someone else and that's why she thought she was pregnant. The sonos she sent she said were just cysts in her uterus. A couple days later she did the whole hospital crap again and posed as a nurse to talk to her boyfriend and I both about why she was in the hospital. Apparently her lung was collapsed and all this stuff, so he freaked out and called all the hospitals in town to find out where she was. Both hospitals said she was not there at all that day... I felt so bad for her boyfriend because he was actually a really nice guy. He called me bawling and told me everything he found out. The damn sonogram photos she sent were from Google....
I could not even believe the mess she made of everything. All the lies she told just completely unfolded all at once... I was embarrassed for her, honestly. I sent her a text to tell her that I knew she wasn't in the hospital and she better tell me the damn truth about what was going on. She never really told me the whole truth though, but I had to stop talking to her after all that. Her boyfriend broke up with her and blocked her from every social media account and even blocked her number. Just writing about it makes my head hurt the way it did that day.. The whole thing was just fucking insane.
Lohn_Jennon_ · 1 points · Posted at 19:27:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He got a perfect score on his SAT but had to go to a community college because all the good colleges thought it was a fluke.
B_A_Pain · 1 points · Posted at 19:28:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
'I went to Iraq and they tried to blow me up' was the one to make me realize that my ex was insane, along with a few others that I won't mention. Mostly because I've blocked them.
Truecoat · 1 points · Posted at 19:29:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
An old boss of mine who constantly told lies. Moved from living in a double wide to my area from Denver but was in "business" with John Elway back in Colorado.
kittyhatesyou · 1 points · Posted at 19:30:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A kid in my high school use to tell everyone:
"My grandparents came to the US on the Mayflower and died on the Titanic"
mzippy95 · 1 points · Posted at 19:30:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Her grandmother was the reason for Hitlers shit in WW2.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 19:30:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The first girl i loved told me that we will date once she is ready and that the guy friend she was hanging out with (who i also knew for a very long time) was just a friend. They ended up dating before i got to date her. I legitimately am 100% positive that i was the only person who has ever genuinely loved her despite her bad mental issues. Nothing ever topped that lie.
aussydog · 1 points · Posted at 19:31:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My sister-in-law claims she gets five weeks paid vacation from her part-time job as a massage therapist. It irritates the whole family but no one says anything out of respect for my brother. He, unfortunately, has to go along with the obvious lie. She only works 14hrs total every two weeks.
Not as fantastic as some of the imaginative shit in here, but my sister-in-law is a pathological liar and this is fresh in my mind.
slothalyzer · 1 points · Posted at 19:31:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh man I've heard alot from one of my ex-coworkers, let's call him Jerry.
I once was talking to another friend about skydiving when Jerry, who is 19 years old butts in, "I've been skydiving at least 20 times. In fact, the first time, i was too scared so my grandpa who was flying the plane gets up and kicks me out of the plane and I have to buckle in the parachute mid-air!" Yes, because you buckle parachutes in. And his grandpa was an 85 year old drunk, nit a pilot.
Another one started out, " hey man, do you know any good lawyers? Because years ago I wrote an album for a band and I never saw a dime or got any credit for it." so I asked him what he wrote and he says "oh it's called Crane Wife for this band called the Decemberists. We used to hang out at the same bar and I'd help them write". Yeah I don't think the Decemberists came to a bar in Albuquerque to have a 16 year old write an album for them.
thebornotaku · 1 points · Posted at 19:31:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This guy tried to tell me he used to own my old car. Couldn't accept the fact that I bought it from two states away where it had lived it's whole life and I had service records to prove it. He claimed they were falsified.
mynameislikegodinit · 1 points · Posted at 19:31:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy told me that his Dad built a real life TARDIS in his basement :|
The_Great_Leon · 1 points · Posted at 19:32:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had a random roommate in college who had his girlfriend over fairly often at first and then she stopped showing up, he told us she failed out and moved back in with her parents. She came by later to get some stuff she had left there and turns out she had just dumped him. They got back together later and he told us he was basically paying for her college since he was dealing drugs (this part probably true) and his parents were rich while hers were poor so she "had come crawling back when she realized she couldn't do any better"
Then since we were already on the topic of his parents he told us they were both gay but had gotten married since they were from the religious south, and now they were rich but the companies they owned were too "legally entangled" to get a divorce so they just cheat on each other at gay swinger parties all the time. They came to help him move out and seemed like normal and well adjusted people.
As a freshman in biology he told me that he had created/bred (whatever the term is) anthrax, smallpox, black plague that were completely resistant to any medication and all he would have to do to kill most of the world's population was throw one in his backpack while leaving intro bio lab 101.
He said he swam and did shooting sports at an Olympic level in high school and had been approached by the Navy Seals about joining them directly, and was thinking about taking a few years off between his undergrad and doctorate to go be a Navy Seal since when you get discharged from Special Forces you are allowed to carry any kind of gun you want anywhere, even private businesses with "No Guns Allowed" signs and college campuses apparently have to let you carry these loaded guns since you used to be a Seal...
Also, he drank all of our fucking liquor all the time even though we offered to buy for him, dude was a total jackwagon
Raelos1 · 1 points · Posted at 19:33:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He told us he was: A professional chimney sweep for rich neighbourhoods in the city A high level warlock in the local wicca cults Going to hook up two printers together and make a 3d printer ( argued for two hours straight on that one, we had to leave it) That huskies, unlike other dog breeds, are entirely nocturnal and being awake during the day shortens their life considerably That on seeing a pitbull and having a friend comment on how pretty it was he said he'd owned three before (known him my whole life and was standing beside him...cmon man.....) That he was an accomplished dance and singer from a young age ( again, see above.) That he's a big name in the local standup comedy circut in our town, and no sorry I forgot to invite you guys! My bad next time for sure! He's an accomplished capoaeira martial artist. (was this before the pitbulls and during the dancing??? Riiiiight dude, sure) There's plenty more but boarding a plane right now, enjoy!
hannahbal22 · 1 points · Posted at 19:34:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have many stories from my ex-boyfriend's sister in law. This, however, is my personal favorite.
She was in a cemetery late at night when she saw a young boy alone playing with a ball. When she asked what he was doing there, he said he couldn't leave. She asked his name and discovered he was dead when she realized it was the name on the gravestone he was playing next to.
...that shit is literally from an episode of the fresh Prince of belair.
smer85 · 1 points · Posted at 19:34:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A girl in my high school class told us that she was having open heart surgery to correct a heart defect. As the date of the surgery arrived, she got the flu, so the operation was rescheduled. Then, she had bronchitis. Rescheduled again. After she was ill a third time, pushing back her surgery yet again, one of my classmates ran into the girl's grandmother in the hall at school one morning and asked if the girl was going to be ok. The grandma was shocked and had no idea what the girl was talking about. Turns out that her granddaughter had made the whole thing up so people would pay attention to her. We did, so I guess she got what she wanted...
Prizun108 · 1 points · Posted at 19:34:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
(On mobile and also my first post so apologies about formatting ect.)
This one guy I know, you can't trust a word that comes out from him. My personal favourite thing he has come out with was that his stomach acid is double in concentration. This in turn gives him a hyper fast metabolism and if he doesn't eat enough each day he'll randomly collapse. (This guy is super skinny)
He has supposedly designed multiple stunt formations for the Red Arrows.
He's supposedly helped in the special effects in Transformers 2 & 3 (despite not being credited)
I've known the guy for 15 years there are God knows how many lies he's told. Should really start writing them down.
misterburnz · 1 points · Posted at 19:34:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Man oh man, an old co-worker would just tell the most entertaining stories. We knew he was lying from the get go, but they just became wonderfully absurd. My favorite one is impossible at almost every step.
"I bought a boat last week, and took my parents out on the local river. We get out to the middle of the river and the boat starts sinking, i grab my mom and swim her to shore. We were starting to get cold so we had to strip down to survive. We run through the woods and we find this couple having sex in the woods! we ask them to come back to help get my father out of the river. We get back and I swim out to get him. I rescued him and my mother but the boat sank to the bottom, I hadn't registered it yet so i just left it there"
Mind you this river is about 2 feet deep and full of rocks. Also it was July when he told me this.
Oh, he also claimed that he forged his own katanas and received all sorts of signed shoes directly from Michael Jordan. He was a weird guy.
Trojinus · 1 points · Posted at 19:35:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When I was in middle school my best friend told me that he killed a jackelope with five shots from a BB gun. This was the first time I called him on his BS. A jackelope was a creature made up by a taxidermist. If one of these mythical creatures existed, it would certainly take more than a BB gun to take it down.
shameshameismyname · 1 points · Posted at 19:35:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend told me in 7th grade that he wandered downstairs on Christmas Eve one year to the sound of bells. He said he caught a brief glimpse of Santa throwing something at him. His eyes were filled with with a mucky substance which he later identified as paint. Red and green paint. That's right...he claimed that he caught Santa (literally) red handed and Santa threw paint in eyes as a punishment, or a maybe a distraction while he got away.
blackbart1 · 1 points · Posted at 19:35:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My former boss told me he had been in a coma for five years and he was one of seven people on a super secret special forces group. If the president said a certain word in a public address it meant they were called up for a mission.
Qwik_Sand · 1 points · Posted at 19:36:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"I care about you"
:(
Smitten_the_Kitten · 1 points · Posted at 19:37:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Girl in high school used to say she was a surfer and the wounds on her legs were from coral getting stuck under her skin.
They were flea bites.
Clbrosch · 1 points · Posted at 19:37:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
We worked with a guy that was a compulsive liar. He told us that he had taken last year off and gone sailing around the world with a girl who was a princess and going to become queen one day. He did not as he was working with us last year.
He couldn't tell us the name of the country where the girl was Princess/Queen from, he couldn't remember it, but he was pretty sure it was in Europe.
He decided that he was the "head of his household" and all of his slacker friends were his dependents so he claimed some outrageous shit on his taxes. Then he would brag that he got paid more than anyone else at our work because he was smarter at taxes than the rest of us. He got fired for some super stupid stuff and the IRS came looking for him.
Wheredoesthetoastgo2 · 1 points · Posted at 19:37:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Let's see... came to our dorm with fake stores about picking up chicks in JROTC. The usual. Few months later he was telling stories about being in the special forces. Special forces sniper. Keep in mind this kid is barely 18. Disappeared for six months where he claimed be be disabling IED in Iraq. And Afghanistan. And sniping illegals on the Texas border.
I'm going to hazard a guess that his sleep apnea that caused him to fall asleep and almost burn a hole through his helmet with a welding torch was just the cover story to get him back into service.
inssein · 1 points · Posted at 19:39:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I once knew this guy lets call him Q. He was a DJ at my college and knew everyone but Q had a problem of lying. So Q dropped out of college but still hangout around campus and would always join me and my friends during our Tuesday break. Now I knew Q's brother really well and he told me that Q was taking a year off from school to DJ full time. So here we are sitting down during our break and Q comes over with his backpack on and is like "man this class sucks, I need to study for this bio test". We all know Q isn't in school so we just play along and keep asking him questions. Now its 5 months later and like clock work Q shows up with his backpack and tells us about the "class" he just got out of. He was living a lie, and we all knew it.
TDLR: Friend lies about going to school, pretends he goes to school by showing up to fake class everyday.
redditesse · 1 points · Posted at 19:39:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A woman who worked under me at an old job who was full of crazy stories. She once called out because her grandfather had died. She came in the next day and says he didn't die but the family all thought he was on his deathbed so she took the day off. He didn't die (at least not while I was still working there) but a few months later she called out saying her grandmother had died. Apparently this time it was true but she came in the next day with a story about how the hospital where the grandmother died had lost the body so they took her (the co-worker) to the morgue and made her look at 11 different old lady cadavers in an effort to ID her grandmother's body. Who uses (made up) stories about loved ones dying for attention?
EzellDiesel · 1 points · Posted at 19:39:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Very late to the party, but I had this girlfriend in 8th grade and didn't realize she was crazy. She gave me a note everyday when school was over to read on the bus.
She always claimed to have Leukemia, but one day she really said some bizzare shit in a not.
She Put all of these frownies on the folded up note and the note read something like this:
I was playing fetch with my dog and I accidentally threw the ball too far and when my dog went out to the street to get it, a car plowed him and blood splattered all over me :[ I had to take 18 showers to get all the blood off, but I think some is still on me :[
I SWEAR she said exactly 18 showers. I still have that note to this day because it was just so unbelievable
TheRealGunn · 1 points · Posted at 19:40:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I once told him a story about the time I almost drew my handgun at a guy trying to carjack a lady in front of me at a red light.
He responded by telling me he had shot and killed someone before. Snubbed out his cigarette and went back inside without any other details.
Oh, and he learned to shoot from one of the Army's best snipers, but couldn't tell me his name because he forgot it.
LaBoogar · 1 points · Posted at 19:40:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dude I deployed with. Obese, body like a reader, never played a sport in his life. -Had the sack record in Indiana,
-When his dad was still a Colonel lever operator in Marine Force Recon, he cmae back from a mission to North Carolina and didn't want to miss the state championship game his son was playing in, so he had the pilot fly to the football field and he repelled on to the field to watch the game.
-On a physical fitness test, he did 0 pull ups, told the admin he did 17
-Told his friends back home he was counter intelligence, but actually was Tactical Data, which means he was Geek Squad for the Marine Corps.
-Told me he read Atlas Shrugged, over 1100 pages, in five days.
-worked some ridiculous amount of hours, then went to school for an equally ridiculous amount of time before the deployment, that totaled to about 22 hours a day, and that was just clock in/out. Never mind drive time, meals, sleep etc...
Texy · 1 points · Posted at 19:43:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My brother in law to claimed to have been on Shark Tank pitching a car dealership in a derelict football stadium.
SoCo100Proof · 1 points · Posted at 19:46:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
ITT: Pathological liars trying out new lies.
Fr87r41n · 1 points · Posted at 19:47:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There was a kid in my drumline who was notorious for making up stories and getting mad at people for not believing him. He told us how, despite XBox live's internet for XBox was discontinued in 2010, these guys had somehow hacked it so they could keep playing as long as they were in a party and that the last game of Halo was played in 2014 and they just kept it on. I looked it up to get him to shut up, and he cussed me out for not believing him.
matwithonet13 · 1 points · Posted at 19:51:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a guy in school that always told us he work at Android...
Like there's a huge green robot that he goes to work at.
Treverz777 · 1 points · Posted at 19:53:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I worked with this Guy from 2006-2008. A few choice selections:
I miss that fella. I had a way of antagonizing the best lies from him.
For instance, I'd be like "just got a TV this weekend. Nice 42 inch plasma". BOOM, he'd be like "I just bought a 90 inch screen, it came in 4 screens and had to be installed professionally".
TheFandomverse · 1 points · Posted at 19:54:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a guy who told me he was trading on Alibaba with a Shea Butter company in Africa and PR where he had contacts. He was supposedly the importer for his sister's upcoming beauty products. However every two week his phone was cut off. Nevertheless, he swore he was taking flights and shaking hands to do business. Yeah, right.
SkepticShoc · 1 points · Posted at 19:55:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend who claimed to be fluent in russian. I went to college, took 3 semesters of russian, then visited him and tried to start a conversation in russian. He claimed to have forgotten it.
amerycarlson · 1 points · Posted at 19:56:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is all actual factual history, and worth reading because the repercussions have effected every single one of you.
This guy on flickr claimed he "discovered" a "unique logarithmic approach to hdr processing" all "thanks to my background in computer science" through which he was "taking the art of hdr photography to places it's never been before!" Not sure what that last part was supposed to mean but he was claiming everyone elses photos were full of "artifacts". So I guess he is some kind of HDR Superman or something. I mean look at that exclamation mark. wow!
Now the technique in question is known as stairstep processing and it was actually discovered by a team of computer scientists who spent a year running experiments to scientifically prove the theory. Surprisingly enough the guy wasn't on the team. It turns out he read("discovered") about it on another website(most likely fred mirandas forum which had been selling a photoshop action utilizing the technique for years, or one of Scott Kelby's books he's gone over it many times) which means his "background in computer science" means he knows how to turn on a computer and fire up a web browser. Or something. I try and ask him specific questions but he always turtles up and hides behind his followers so I can't say for sure if that's what it means. As for the taking it to places it's never been before. Well.... artifact free digital HDR photography(in relation to artifacts from hdr algorithms not regular digital camera noise/banding etc) has been in existence since the 80's so I have no clue what he is talking about tbh.
It seems super obvious right? And easy to debunk if you just look at one word: "logarithmic". If what he is saying is true then he should be able to produce some math right? Right. One of the many things I asked him but he just refused to play ball. So I had to call him out in public on flickr and well....that was kind of a clusterfuck. We'll get into that another time reddit. Google is involved(they invited him in for a Google Talk for some reason that's beyond me) and they refuse to own their part in this. So I am giving them every chance to do the "right thing" . Not that I think they WILL do the right thing I just need to make sure I at least give them the chance and document it so they can't turn around and paint me as the bad guy.
So him and his brother ended up stalking me over the course of a weekend in my hometown, ending up with a confrontation at the local fairgrounds. I was picking up some photos I had submitted to the local county fair. There was a three day window to pick them up and I went on the last hour of the last day because I am a procrastinator. So anyways the whole photography exhibit is organized and put on by The Ventura County camera club who have their own flickr group. Turns out some were fans(originates from the word fanatic btw) and together they set up this weird ambush type thing. It was loosely parodied on GTA V
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7mUwUDky4Tc
It was so surreal, I walked into the building and told one of the attendants my name and she directed me to a table in the middle of the room away from everyone else. All of the tables with photos were lined up along the walls and everyone else picking up their work were congregating around them, but they had me sit right in the middle of the room away from everyone else. Right where they could all get a good look at me you know? So fine, whatever, have a good long look at the troll or whatever. I look around and see this cowboy looking guy(complete with giant texas belt buckle) "mad dogging". I mean he was trying so hard you guys, it was actually kind of cute looking all screwfaced and shit. So I just cooly stared at him with my arms crossed and a slight smile on the corner of my mouth. And stared. And stared. And stared. He started glancing around the room trying to act casual and then finally he looked at me again. And I just stared with the same unblinking expression on my face. He quickly looked away and it looked like he turned a little bit pale. I think I psyched him out pretty badly reddit. It's strange because he was almost twice my size, I mean he was a big bubba texas sized mofo you know? You know now that I think about it he might be a bit of a Lennie. Just another victim of his manipulative brother. Damn now I almost feel kind of bad. Almost. But that brings us to the next part.
So I pick up my photos and walk out the door. At this point I was pretty agitated as anyone would be. About twenty feet away I see some other sketchy dude doing what can only be described as "skulking about". So I walk by and he goes "Hey, how did you take that?", referring to a lightning photo I was carrying in my hand. So I explain it to him and then he goes "Really?" in a very very accusatory and challenging tone of voice. So I turned all the way around to face him and sized him up(looked him up and down) and said "what?" in the same tone of voice. Kind of a "wtf did you just say to me" type of tone. He just says "Gotta go", and turns 180 degrees and starts walking away very quickly. At this point I said "Yeah you better fuckin' walk away." I saw his head twitch a little bit so I know he heard me, but he just picked up his pace. At this point I was thinking to myself wow that kind of looks like HDR Superman, so when I got home I looked him up and sure enough. It was him.
I did some more digging and found out some very interesting things. Check this out: I started doing HDR photography, he starts doing HDR photography. I posted a HDR tutorial on flickr, he turned around and posted one on his website. I bought a $3000 full frame Nikon camera and 14-24mm lens, he turns around and buys an $8000 full frame nikon camera and 14-24mm lens(all while claiming technical superiority thanks to his unique technique remember). I posted an old newspaper clipping from when I was bitten by a rattlesnake when I was four years old, he turns around and posts some story about how when he was a child he had some eye surgery and it's some kind of miracle he can even take photos in the first place. One of many burning questions I have for him is the name of the procedure. I am assuming it was some basic out patient lazy eye surgery or something. Anyways that's all in chronological order and combined with the whole first paragraph you can almost graph this guys "crazy" over time in an upward trending line.
So yeah, it seems to me like he was slowly taking small pieces of my life and pasting it on his, all while taking credit for other peoples work to make himself look like some kind of expert to promote his blog. Kind of seems "cultish" tbh. Some other things he called himself "King of HDR", "a pioneer in HDR", and there is so, so much more but this post has gotten too long already. So that's it for now, we will go over more in the future I'm sure.
ToastyTheDragon · 1 points · Posted at 19:56:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This local bar I was at serves pepperoni pinwheels (rolled up pizza slices), and I decided to try what one was like with a little bit of spaghetti carbonara. It was absolutely delicious.
He told me "oh yeah, there's this place nearby that sells carbonara pinwheels and they were really good"
Bullshit, man. Those are two very specific meals that I doubt you've tried them together before. You don't even like spaghetti carbonara.
Poast · 1 points · Posted at 19:56:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
its funny because the best liars wont be mentioned here
sorta_smart · 1 points · Posted at 19:56:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One dude told me he designed the avionics on the B-1 bomber. He's in his early 30s.
kmac514 · 1 points · Posted at 19:57:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
My compulsive liar roommate told me she wasn't stealing my clothes. After I had gone in her room and found at least 10 items of my clothing... including some of my underwear.
Long__Dog · 1 points · Posted at 19:57:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This chap I worked with as a hospital porter when I was a student, he said he had a girlfriend in Holland (we were in England at the time). Anyway, people were asking him questions about it, suspecting that he was lying. As he had 'seen' her in Holland before and was going to see her again, in Holland, the coming weekend, someone asked if he had a passport. His response was unforgettable... "No I don't bother with them, I just show them a photo of me"...
river-otter · 1 points · Posted at 19:58:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Friend in college who told a lot of tall tales. Our breaking point was when she, a 5'8" 100 lb gal once lifted a car that was on someone's foot 6"in the air due to adrenaline.
Another friend just flat out said it did not happen. He was adamant that we all go to his car now to prove it. That was a nice awkward moment.
Oh and also that one time where Tom Brady hit on her at a bar, before he was famous of course.
MagicPorpoise · 1 points · Posted at 19:59:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My favorite animal is a rat, I have two pet rats. My friend told me that he owned one pet rat for 16 years. Rats can only live for about 4 years.
Lostandlostyo · 1 points · Posted at 19:59:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh boy. This guy is known as an "one upper". Best lie I can remember from him is when a few friends and I were talking about guns, and he comes in and tells us that in New Mexico, he has a personal trainer for shooting. This trainer is black ops and he can't tell me his name. So he says he shot a .50 Cal sniper rifle, but it's a top secret kind that only black ops have, so he can't tell us about it. Then he set a record for his town because if you can hit the towns water tower from 5 miles away, you get your photo plastered on it. So he hits a small water tower from 5 miles away, 3 times. Then he drained the tower. Then he had to go hide at his house which conviniently behind a cartel leaders house and the house is booby trapped with explosives so it's okay because no one would try and come into the neighborhood. Classic One Up Olson.
Scap-Rallion · 1 points · Posted at 19:59:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He spent New Year's in a club in Manhattan with Justin Bieber doing coke. Got called out for it when we looked it up and found out he was actually in Paris last night.
Also told us that he was planning on moving into an apartment in a nice part of Brooklyn where the rent was only $500 a month for a three bedroom apartment with parking and wanted us to go in on it with him.
Also told us he's an insurance agent and a big part of his tactics for getting new clients involves standing outside of his building, and whenever someone walks by with a stroller saying, "You should really be thinking about your baby's future."
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 19:59:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Im late for the party but all from one girl:
1.she had multiple celebs numbers in her phone, Christina Agulerra (sp), Daniel radcliffe etc. 2.she was dating Daniel radcliffe and fell pregnant (at 13/14) with his child 3. That he, Emma Watson and Rupert grint were coming to the cinema with us for my birthday to see the return of the king (she was the friend we felt sorry for), but the helicopter broke down and so they would take a limo but might not make it in time. 4.That she has breast cancer and it was terminal and she has months to live yet had never missed a day at school. 5. Had fake phonecalls with various celebs on her phone at school lunch.
She wasn't well liked, we sort of felt sorry for her but didn't feed into her bullshit.
Snailwatcher · 1 points · Posted at 19:59:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
How do we know that everyone sharing stories in this thread are not compulsive liars?
iGoWumbo · 1 points · Posted at 20:00:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Most of his revolved around his "careers":
Claimed he was a successful stripper in San Francisco (dude was pudgy, short and ugly as sin)
Insisted that he was the personal chef of a dozen different celebrities (I met him when he started working at my movie theater)
He bought or stole someone's army uniform to pretend that he was leaving for boot camp. It already had rank badges(?) and it wasn't even his name printed on it
pwnangel · 1 points · Posted at 20:00:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This one guy told me -
“When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending their best. They’re not sending you. They’re not sending you. They’re sending people that have lots of problems and they’re bringing those problems with us. They’re bringing drugs, they’re bringing crime, they’re rapists, and some, I assume, are good people.”
SirOmni · 1 points · Posted at 20:00:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know a guy who told me that he played soccer in the English Premier League for QPR and Tottenham, and maintains / perpetuates this story. He graduated high school in the same area the same year as me, and wasn't even good enough to play for my club team.
prettycunninghat · 1 points · Posted at 20:42:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Why the he'll would you brag about playing for QPR!
randombiketrips · 1 points · Posted at 20:01:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
WTF? You guys all know me?
gnyrt · 1 points · Posted at 20:01:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh, you're talking about Matt. Used to get high after work with him. Apparently, had been on two tours in Iraq (bragged about killing people), even had shrapnel in his leg still. Dude was a fat 20 year old kid. Used to tell me whatever music he'd put on was his band when it was obviously 3oh3. Left my guitar in dudes jeep one night and never saw him again.
Fuck you, Matt.
liz91 · 1 points · Posted at 20:01:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Said he made like $300K on a DJ job. I called him out as to why he still lives with his mother lol.
originalmoon · 1 points · Posted at 20:02:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I could go on and on about this one. I had a friend in high school that was a compulsive liar . At the time she was a new student and me being the friendly person that I am I started talking to her. HUGE mistake.
She lied about not eating McDonald's ..... The first day I went to her house her dad brought her , her "favorite" meal from there .
I told her about my pet chihuahua. She then told me about her dog. Went over to her house and there was no dog.
She lied about having a hummer. She didn't even have a car.
She lied about having an older sister.... No sister.
Told everyone she has a tattoo on her ribs. No tattoo.
Told everyone she was in level 4 in competitive cheerleading. The poor girl could barley do a cartwheel.
Told me her "cheer coach" made her eat semi raw chicken and broccoli everyday to stay "fit". Raw chicken gives you salmonella.
One day she sent me a picture of some chick off Pinterest and she claimed it was her .... The picture obviously wasn't her. You couldn't see the girls face but you know a Pinterest/Google picture when you see one.
I'm sure there is a lot more things she said that I can't recall at the moment but it's pathetic how people feel the need to lie like that.... Come on people.
Btw sorry about all the grammar errors. I suck at writing.
nebuchadn3zzar · 1 points · Posted at 20:03:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Probably getting Buried :(
There was this kid I went to middle school with, he would lie all the time about being a part of things he obviously missed. One lunch time Me, Him, and a couple other guys were sitting at the same table. I was sick of all his pretending to be there for every moment and I made up a story about going to a nude beach in Sweden and banging a how Swedish girl (100% not true, Plus were American so logistically this would be very difficult). I was a little worried I made it too outlandish, but lo and Behold 30 seconds after I tell him he's telling a kid at our table about how he also went to Sweden and also banged a super hot Swedish girl.
I promptly renege on the story and basically say it was a big joke, expecting the kid to notice that he was lying and say that the story wasn't true. I probably shouldn't have underestimated his lying like that. Instead of backing down, He sticks to his guns and doubles down on the story and startle prattling on about how I must have forgotten the experience because it was so traumatic to have his sloppy seconds. He never admired that the story was even slightly exaggerated and kept telling and retelling the story to anyone who would listen until it got frankly quite ridiculous. Despite all the teasing and collective mistrust, he never said it was anything but true.
At the end of 8th grade, he moved out of town and I haven't heard from him since. To this day, he is probably still telling the story of his Swedish conquests
narcules · 1 points · Posted at 20:03:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
-Told us he could do a backflip on a snowboard. When he went to do it, just went over the kicker -'d said that they changed the jump so he couldn't do it.
Itouchmyshelf · 1 points · Posted at 20:04:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Probably late, but I'll tell it anyway.
I went to university with this kid who said he would drink a bottle of vodka to himself everytime he went out with his super rich friend and only get buzzed. We went for drinks after this group project and he had a small vodka and coke. Then said my beer looked interesting, got one for himself, said it tasted like soap, couldn't finish it and started saying how he was feeling super drunk.
I know mixing drinks gives you a different kind of drunk so I would've given him the benefit of the doubt but the guy kept telling stories about his "friends" in American that were VERBATIM stories told on the Rooster Teeth Podcast. Which we had talk about the first time we met.
AirborneB6 · 1 points · Posted at 20:04:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A former neighbor of mine, 24 at the time, uneducated, unable to write or even read, working as a cattle farmer for his parents (mostly selling cow milk to people in a pretty well-off neighborhood), told me the following story in multiple consecutive lies:
He used to be a Navy Seal in America (we live in Bulgaria), he has access to an arsenal of 50 cal sniper rifles and miniguns, drives a Dodge Viper (no license), and blows his retirement money on hookers.
He has worked as a hitman for a while, and told me stories with lots of detail, some even mentioning the places where he buried the bodies. On several occasions the guy expressed his hatred for a certain friend of his, saying that he would "call in his boys" from the good old times.
He once told me of a helicopter that crashed in his backyard, that apparently had a safe full of various guns, even a bloody Stinger, as well as millions in cash, that he was waiting to spend on the right mansion.
As I said, dude was 24 at the time. For a 12 year old like me, he was a damn hero. Looking back at it now, the man lives quite the sad life, his parents never letting him go to get some proper education because there were "cows to feed". My dad and I used to build him PCs from old parts lying around that he would play World of Warcraft on. I'm just surprised that he didn't just do some numerous raids in Al Quaeda to earn a quick buck. I would.
Thairone9 · 1 points · Posted at 20:05:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know this girl who faked cancer and is now streaming Runescape claiming she never had it in the first place. Some people, man.
WattledPenguin · 1 points · Posted at 20:06:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I once said I could blow up a battery with my mind. Also, was and still am but slightly less addicted to DBZ. I swore up and down that I was a super saiyan. TBH I was a twat and hated my childhood ha.
Adastra880 · 1 points · Posted at 20:06:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This one guy tried to convince me that he wrote the imagine dragons song "bleeding out" and that imagine dragons stole it from him. Fortunately my film teacher taught Dan Reynolds when he was in high school, and reached out to him asking him who wrote the song. Dan replied saying he writes all his own music and "that kid is an idiot."
QuidditchSnitchBitch · 1 points · Posted at 20:06:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Some guy once told me he picked up 4 models from a club and had sex with all of them at the same time for a full day.
This guy couldn't even take a shower every week, let alone get into any strip clubs underage. But he was somebody's cousin and it was best just to nod and change the subject.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:08:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I used to work this guy who:
-Was the manager of an OK Tire and knew everything there was to know about tires
-Had shot black tar heroin between his toes
-Once had sex with 7 women in one day
-Done every drug on the face of the earth (including agreeing to several made up acronyms)
-Killed at least 3 black guys and 1 asian
-Been married 4 times
-Never eaten a hamburger in his life
-Had his dick pinched by a lobster
-Managed 6 restaurants at the same time
-Fucked a celebrity (but wouldn't tell us who because "you guys never believe me anyway")
Jim, you lying sack of shit. You were the only thing that made that job worth going to.
Tobutch · 1 points · Posted at 20:08:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
-He got cancer in his throat. Fortunately the tumors popped out by themselvs after a couple of months and he's now cancer free.
-He cried while telling us how his girlfriend was killed by being stabbed with a HIV-infected syringe by a hobo in line to a hotdog-stand. This was in third grade.
-He has worked for both the CIA and the Secret Service as well as the Swedish secret police. We are swedes and now in our thirties.
WebsterDexter · 1 points · Posted at 20:08:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He could hold his breath for 30 minutes underwater.
He had a pair of swimming goggles , which he insisted that he could breathe through them and could stay underwater for hours.
JohnnyHendo · 1 points · Posted at 20:08:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
On the way to school once, he found 4 trucks, all lined up beside each other, each stuck in a ditch the exact same way. All four driver's were there. He towed all four out and each one of them gave him $100 (he might have said more, but I can't remember).
He rescued a firefighter from a burning building once.
He was addicted to heroin and cocaine. He might have also said meth. He was 17 years old, not in bad shape, and he was kinda chubby in younger pictures of him (most addicts of those drugs are usually pretty gaunt).
He had sex with 72 women over spring break.
There was one other really good one that I can not remember. Might edit it in if I remember it.
cheesey123 · 1 points · Posted at 20:09:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
that his sister died in 9/11 and about a week later he said she was currently in prison
ArtymisMartin · 1 points · Posted at 20:09:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Story time.
I used to be really into Team Fortress 2. I had a buddy back in middleschool who also played it, so I friended him on Steam. At some point, he was talking about a website where if he gave enough arbitrarily-valued items (items had no assigned price in-game), he could get an unusual (a very rare cosmetic item). Now, I thought this was awesome, so I, dumbly, gave him several items I rather liked that would add to the total he needed. Pricey items. Guess what?
"Oh, uhm, the guy hasn't gotten back to me yet. Still waiting."
This went on for about a month, I was getting angry. It cost me about $7.50 to go with this plan, and I wanted it more on principal than value. I had like, $300 in Christmas money, but whatever.
While he was still owing me, he invited me to join a "Sixes" team (a competitive match of 6v6). Some random other player sent me a message asking me more about this guy. "Hey, uhm, is [REDACTED] really a seventeen year old girl from Singapore?"
I can confirm, he was not a seventeen year old girl from Singapore. That other guy on the sixes team was an idiot though, don't worry. IF he just checked [REDACTED]'s profile, they would know that he's actually . . . a . . . well. . . the alt-account of the world-champion CSGO player from Brazil. Again, they weren't the world-champion CSGO player from Brazil. Now, I don't think you should have to reveal all your information online, but don't make it bullshit. My pal was like, thirteen at the time.
By the end of the year, he gave me a dollar, tried to get his dirt-poor cousin to pay me off, continued to bullshit, but don't worry. He couldn't pay me back because he was supporting his mother by working, and couldn't spare any money. . . as long as you ignored the fact that several of those "Sakura" games (look it up, but incognito). Let's not forget some rather colorful weapons for CSGO, of course. He threatened not to pay me if I kept bothering him, blah blah blah.
He still owes me, and I still see him daily, and now have a trust issue.
FindingMojo · 1 points · Posted at 20:09:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Moved in with a girlfriend whose ridiculous lies progressively got worse and worse. She showed me a large oil painting she had of a mountain scene (looked like a Bob Ross original). She tells me she painted it. I looked down in the bottom right corner and there is her signature; clearly signed with black sharpie.
gboycolor · 1 points · Posted at 20:10:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
My PE teacher in school liked to tell very embellished stories. We once tallied them up and, according to our calculations, he would have to be about 230 years old to have lived through all of his stories. He didn't have many outlandish anecdotes, so much as obviously fake stories about his past. His most common ones were:
Starting to work in a bakery aged 4 or 5, full time by the time he was 8
Being in the army for 30 years
Having a degree in mathematics and one in physics
Studying physics for 20 years in the USSR, getting a doctorate in the process
Being a math teacher for 10 years
Being a PE teacher for 10 years in one school, then 15 years in another and finally 20 years in ours (that last one is true)
Having been assistant coach of a first division football team for some time
Having "99% blood oxygen absorption", apparently "higher than any athlete except Usain Bolt", who had 99.5%.
Whenever we asked to demonstrate something, he would refuse, citing either his hip injury he got while pushing a kid away from the path of a speeding bus, or a wrist injury he got while saving a woman from either a burning building or an earthquake (the story changed a lot)
When he retired at 65, he said it was so he could go back to university so he could finally get his doctorate in quantum healing.
Edit: funny unrelated fact about him: he didn't speak much English, and his voice was booming and quite powerful. In between lessons, he would shout at people crossing the football field, telling them not to step on the grass (Spanish: no pisen el pasto). This was rendered in English as "HEY! Don't piss the past!"
MajorAddiction · 1 points · Posted at 20:10:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he once got lost in China and had to work on a rice paddy field to make the money for a flight back home. He was 17yo at the time
Kronklife2015 · 1 points · Posted at 20:11:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had an ex friend(21m) once that claimed he dated an italian super model but she died in a car accident, played in the NFL, was a police commander and always pretended to answer calls from his swat buddies about to go on a raid, spoke 6 languages fluently(4 of which were dead languages) i even spoke to him in 3 of them and he said its been awhile and he doesnt remember, he always goes to italy and france every year for 6 months, is from texas and a cowboy even through he grew up in our town, he was a gang member in MS-13, claimed to have 3 handguns and an ar-15 in his dorm room. Theres a few more I forget
MonsieurSander · 1 points · Posted at 20:11:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
His dad worked at Rammstein air base. Not Ramstein, but Rammstein, the secret German air force base in northern Germany hidden from the yanks.
Pack_1 · 1 points · Posted at 20:11:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Guy in high school wrestled a few matches and he was being recruited by D1 powerhouses
leeisawesome · 1 points · Posted at 20:12:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a roommate in university who told everyone that he was going to join the RAF after University and was studying alongside his degree for an A Level in physics so he could start on a higher salary.
Dude we live and study together, you've never once picked up a physics book
TookLongWayHome · 1 points · Posted at 20:13:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My best friend worked with a girl (let's call her Mandy) who claimed she was best friends with Sara Ramirez (Callie Torres from Grey's Anatomy). She's not really that big of an actress so when she told me I was like, "Oh cool."(I believed it and didnt really care because who would lie about being friends with someone that isn't that famous). Everyone who worked with my friend would get messages both from Mandy and sometimes even "Sara" herself (from an account with no profile picture) because she wanted to meet everyone Mandy worked with. Mandy said there was no picture on "Sara's" account because she didn't want fans knowing it was her account.
At this point everyone is starting to suspect and realize she's a liar and that Mandy's a weirdo because who would make that up. Over the next several months if Mandy went to company outings she would make the exciting announcement, "Sara Ramirez is in town and is going to make an appearance here tonight to finally meet you guys!" Well, wouldn't you know, she never showed. This stunt was attempted a number of times before everyone went out of their way to avoid her. She eventually had a bit of a meltdown and I think left the company. I was sad, the stories were beyond entertaining.
ex-inteller · 1 points · Posted at 20:13:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he had eggs for breakfast. We had breakfast together.
silverwitcher · 1 points · Posted at 20:14:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Funniest thing is someone is going to make a lie up just to post on here.
gtaguy75 · 1 points · Posted at 20:14:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I worked with a guy who casually told us on a Monday that he spent the weekend with rich guys from the middle east. They spent the weekend driving around New York and Philadelphia in a variety of colored Lamborghinis; they each had one. They partied at the most exclusive clubs, raced down the turnpikes, and returned to work on Monday.
The same guy told me he shot video footage for a project he was working on for a client. I would later find the exact same footage on a stock footage reel.
He didn't attend a co-worker's wedding because his grandfather had died, and he had to fly to his home country to deliver a speech to the people. His grandfather was an oil tycoon.
Finally, he said he went to Obama's 1st inauguration. When our manager challenged his story, he said he got permission by writing a letter to a local congressman. When the manager asked where he stayed in DC, he said he slept in his car; 1 mile from the White House even though the weather was freezing cold.
jaaydogg · 1 points · Posted at 20:15:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There was this guy from my class who was a ridiculously bad liar. - He said he lost his virginity at 13, when he asked with who, he said he didnt remember her name.... This was when we were 16;
-He often bragged about the crazy nightclubs he attended, in which dozens of stories about him consuming different types of drugs occured.
Basically acting like he was this crazy dude with an party-all-time lifestyle, even though we were just teens. No one really believed him, we just laughed and he probably thought he was super popular and envied. Last I heard, he actually became a drug addict party guy, so I guess he wasnt really lying, his stories just hadnt happened yet
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:15:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A chick I used to work with tried telling us she was at a Ufc fight and shared an ambulance with John Cena and they made out a little. She said she was 14.
forjustonemoment · 1 points · Posted at 20:16:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In high school my friend told us she had terminal brain cancer and would be dead in a year. We were absolutely heartbroken, I cried for days. A year came around and she was miraculously fine except for her new terminal heart condition, which ensured she would be dead in a year. Heartbroken again, a year later she's fine except for her new terminal bone cancer. I didn't bother getting upset that time, except now her biological father was raping her nightly and her mother was abusing her. We reported it to the administration and the only news I heard after that was that her parents were questioned at length and there was absolutely no evidence that any of this was true. It was a hard few years.
TheBirdsPart1 · 1 points · Posted at 20:16:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
She lied about getting good grades, then I saw her degree audit when she left it laying on my couch and she had failed every class she said she got an "easy A" in.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:16:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One of my best friends occasionally tells stories and I never know whether or not he's lying. Alot of them seem really crazy, but on several occasions I've called him out and he's proven me wrong by getting someone else to corroborate the story.
trelivewire · 1 points · Posted at 20:16:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
RemindMe! 1 hour
pp4vp · 1 points · Posted at 20:17:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm a compulsive liar. And here is the only time I've ever admitted that in my life even though I've known it. What the fuck is wrong with me? Like can anyone explain the psychology behind this? I'm not half as bad as some of these but like, I lie about having sex/relationships with girls to the extend where I have fake text conversations with them just so I can show my friends. Pathetic I know. I guess just like insecurity or something? I don't know why I do it but I can't help myself
DubTheeBustocles · 1 points · Posted at 20:17:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When my mom and I sat my younger brother down as some sort of intervention for heroin addiction, my mom accused him of stealing all of her pain medication. He denied it of course but went a step further to try to "prove his innocence". He got up immediately and went to the kitchen while we sat in the living room and waited. We heard him rustling through the medicine cabinet and empty pills into a bottle (very audibly) and brought it a bottle of my moms pain medication. She opened it up and dropped a few out and turns to him and said, "Honey, these are my heart pills." He just stared blankly at her. She continued almost laughing and crying at the same time, "We love you but these are my heart pills." He just sat there like 'I don't think they are buying this' or maybe 'yeah why did I think that would work'. In the end he agreed to go to rehab and after a few stays and relapses over the next few years he is now two years sober. But my god do I have stories of junkies telling obvious lies and stealing without covering their tracks.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:17:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've had numerous people accuse me of being a compulsive liar, so this is a bit off topic but still hits home. Among the true stories I tell which are almost unanimously met with doubt and an eventual questioning of my character are:
I once met a meth cook in his house. He was masturbating vigorously with no pants or underwear on. Upon seeing me, he stood up, switched his penis from one hand to the other and shook my hand with his original penis hand.
I used to live across the street from a guy that had no face. No eyes, no nose, no mouth - just a hole with a brow ridge and bottom jaw with a tongue. He would wag his tongue loudly when he wanted a beer and his live-in troll-of-a-wife would bring him beers to literally shove in his face hole.
A couple of years ago at the beach I met a group of college girls. They took me back to their room and all five of them got naked and gave me head one after the other. While cheering each other on. Sometimes even I can't believe it.
I was in the news some years back for calling the police about a robbery and subsequently being arrested when they found my - as they put - weed grow operation.
I watched a Forensic Files episode in college. The NEXT day I was sitting in the airport when the woman who's daughter was murdered sat down across from me. We talked for twenty minutes about it.
This one seems believable to me yet people still question it. I've lost count of the number of times I've broken bones. I used to be very athletic and was a BMX biker, downhill biker, soccer player, runner and climber. Go figure.
Chef_Chantier · 1 points · Posted at 20:17:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'd bet all of the billions of dollars I own that some of you are compulsive liars.
Gaurdia · 1 points · Posted at 20:17:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Can I just take a moment to say that being a compulsive liar is often a difficult problem to overcome and may seem funny at times but always take a moment to consider if it's more than just really bad lies they're telling.
With that I went to elementary school with a kid who's uncle worked at the factory that made beyblades, he had the black dragoon at home, that same uncle also worked at the factory that made yugioh cards... And Pokemon cards... And later on iphones and beats headphones, and pretty much any other major brand name thing.
AlmightyBones · 1 points · Posted at 20:18:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
which story which time?
How about his buddy owned a ferrari or some other high end sports car, my friend was 14 and couldnt drive. Destinys child was at a club and his friend let him drive the car up to the door so they would think he was old enough to get in, once inside he danced with Kelly Rowland.
Something about his uncle being in the mafia, I can't remember many at this point. He told these stories 12 years ago. Pretty much everything that came out of of his mouth was a lie.
rico_wore_a_diamond · 1 points · Posted at 20:18:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Coworker called in sick saying he was "having a lung removed" but would be in the next day.
ToBadImNotClever · 1 points · Posted at 20:19:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm late but, Knew a guy in the Army. He had said: •His father was a 6 star general, underwater sniper, space shuttle door gunner. •He could do 100 one arm push-ups but couldn't show us because he is injured. •He build a car that could run on nothing but water. The Government confiscated it. •Less exciting but he didn't come back from Leave with his truck because the starter, transmission, and turbo all shit the bed. At the exact same time. While on the highway. • He build his entire house with just a Gerber Multi-touch. •He has 18 brothers and sisters. It was a big house.
I shit you not he's said this and much more. And has been saying these things for over 2 years now and is relentlessly annoying.
FreneticPlatypus · 1 points · Posted at 20:20:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A woman I (very) briefly dated had told everyone about how a decade ago she'd survived ovarian cancer and it was a horrible experience and she had to have a full hysterectomy but she fought through and got better. A couple weeks later she's explaining to me how her and her last boyfriend lost a child when they were together and it was really sad and tough to get past but she's fought through it and is doing well now.
Apparently my amazement at her being able to conceive a child without a uterus or ovaries must have upset her, as she never called me back.
JohnBreed · 1 points · Posted at 20:20:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
She's my boss, and we work at Party City:
•Says she's so allergic to latex that touching. A user her whole body to break out in hives and a rash. Yet she can blow up balloons every Saturday no problem and eat bananas.
•I called in to work once (quite literally the only time i have ecer called in) because my car broke down, and had no ride. Conversation went like this:
"Hey Laura it's JohnBreed, my car broke down last night and I can't make it in to work."
"Oh okay, well would you be able to come in if I picked you up."
"Actually that'd be great, but I wouldn't have a ride back to school."
"Fine, whatever." hangs up
She proceeds to go and tell everyone, including my GM that she offered me a ride back to school, but I told her I would rather not work today.
She got called out on this because I had a coworker with me at the time so she heard the conversation, and b) I have never turned down an extra shift or anything along those lines so management knew she was lying.
I could go on with these stories, but that shall suffice
Supernatural76767 · 1 points · Posted at 20:20:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Knew a guy in middle school who always said he was fucking girls with bareskin condoms .. he was 13
Wynxsu · 1 points · Posted at 20:21:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I dated this girl for a while, who had a boyfriend, who stayed at my house one night with one of her friends. After a long night of all of us hanging out, she realized she was late for school and left in a hurry. Later that day I asked her what happened with school, and she told me that she told her teacher that her dad had died and that's why she didn't show up. I'm pretty sure her dad was paying for her schooling. So yeah I have no idea what ended in that story but it's damn crazy she'd go to that extent. And she always did this, constantly using big lies like this to get out of extremely small things.
MisogynisticSh1tl0rd · 1 points · Posted at 20:21:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When he was in Iraq he had sex with two (or maybe three) girls at the same time and they paid him for it afterwards.
It's mostly made unbelievable by the fact that this guy looks like a total ogre.
eightiesladies · 1 points · Posted at 20:22:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh, I've known so many of these. First guy: 1) He took kickboxing lessons and put his abusive ex through a wall. 2) He has psychic abilities. 3) He adopted a son. (The guy was 3 years younger than him and never lived with him. 4) he had a job interview as a general manager of a restaurant a 45 minute drive away. Put on his interview clothes and everything. I saw him driving around town during the time the interview was supposed to be happening. This was after he quit both jobs he had when I moved in with him and fronted some of his back rent money. I was dumb, and of course never saw that money again.
Dated a girl when I was 23. 1)she could get orgasms from eating something delicious. 2) she once fake passed out for 3 seconds in front of me claiming her period cramps were just that bad.
Girl I befriended in college 1) her kidneys were failing and she was dying. 7 years later she's still alive and never mentions it. 2) her house was haunted growing up and the ghost grabbed her foot when she went up the steps. 3)her friend framed her rapist for another crime by stealing his car and driving it to Mexico and bringing back illegal drugs.
Lady I worked for: 1) regularly lied completely about married men being in love with her and wanting affairs with her. 2)saw a 10 foot tall angel in her living room. 3)has psychic abilities 4) has Lymes disease. (Never diagnosed despite being tested)
I am like a magnet for those people.
Manner16 · 1 points · Posted at 20:22:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A girl in my first year of university initially had some normal tell tale stories that would be realistic, by about the the 4th week and making friends with others stories began being shared and we realized just how crazy of a compulsive liar she was.
The very worst one which we all despised her for was lying about her mother dying from cancer which for myself at least is serious as my family has a lot of deaths because of it. She used this after not showing up for over half the semester and got out of doing exams. Meanwhile posting pictures off the internet that "her mom and her had made together" and posting pictures the odd time with her in them but deleting them and denying they ever existed.... I really hope shes gone for second year
etjasinski · 1 points · Posted at 20:22:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dude said he was dying of cancer, never smoked a day in his life until diagnosed, one thanksgiving he came over to the house clearly shaved his head and eyebrows saying it was from chemo his first and only chemo appointment, a few years later said he was going blind due to his diabetes, tell this story with a mountain dew in his hand btw, at some point lost any sense of taste, I cannot recall why he could taste maybe chemo, only thing he could taste was chocolate frosty from Wendy's, because they tasted like onions, yet somehow was very particular about what he drank coca cola and mountain dew only you'd assume diet hence the diabetes but no ate and drank whatever he wanted never have any high or low sugar issues the kicker his wife would just stand there and let the lies roll out look like jsckasses good times dudes still alive full head of hair my wife can't stand to even talk about these people
ee_death · 1 points · Posted at 20:22:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One guy I was seeing when I was younger and more naive would say anything to keep me from leaving. A few things he's done:
It's been years and I'm still angry at myself for being so stupid and believing his lies.
the_generic_username · 1 points · Posted at 20:23:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Back in 1999 I knew this guy who was epically full of shit. He told me one time that Britney Spears and Katie Homes rented a hotel room in the city and invited him and a friend to come party with them. He wanted me to go with him. I laughed at him and ridiculed him in front of everyone I knew (and didn't know). If I recall we did not talk all that much afterwords. Although...sometimes I do wonder if that was my golden opportunity to meet and woe a hot celebrity that I completely blew....
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:23:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That she completely lost her memory and going on to say she didn't remember any names at all, forcing everyone to act sympathetic and treat her like a baby. She also created fake friends and boyfriends. When I asked for a picture of her "boyfriend" she sent me a stock photo.
DiamondSentinel · 1 points · Posted at 20:23:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Plot Twist: Everyone with a top level comment is a compulsive liar and none of these stories are actually true.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:23:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A former friend of mine was stating this guy for a while who was, in addition to being a creepy scumbag, a serious compulsive liar. Here are just a few things he lied about in the span of an hour:
-He claimed he went to Hollywood for American Idol.
-He claimed that there was an "I Am Sam" musical opening on Broadway, and that he got the leading role.
-He claimed that he can run a 3:40 mile.
-He claimed that he spent a year touring in Europe with Matchbox 20.
There were countless others, but those were some of the most ridiculous.
Chader101 · 1 points · Posted at 20:24:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My ex girlfriend and her stories...
She also overreacted over anything. Relationship lasted two weeks.
wunkadurgenfaceball · 1 points · Posted at 20:24:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That they were a junior in high school and they took 8 AP courses. First of all there are only 7 periods in a day at this school. Also, this kid took a gym class I was also in, he took the "special" math class also. I Called him out on the spot.
GainTrain3k · 1 points · Posted at 20:25:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've heard some good ones over the years, but the most outlandish one was this girl I was "dating" long distance Freshman year of high school told me that she was basically in a gang called "The Pride" and they all had superpowers to control specific elements, like in Naruto. Hers was the power to control Earth.
zwielichtglanz · 1 points · Posted at 20:25:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I had a girl in my class who told a lot of lies, but the one that stuck with me was about how she went with her dad to a Formula One-race.
According to her, Ralf Schumacher crashed his car into a tire pile and was so angry that he threw his helmet into the crowd. Her father caught that helmet and they smuggled it out of there with her hiding the helmet under her shirt and pretending to be pregnant.... at 14.
Or from another girl who was... let's just call her not good looking at all, but who claimed to be in a relationship with the lead singer from the J-Rock group "Versailles"... for years.
The icing on top of the whole thing was her story about one of her birthdays.... it was about a threesome with that Versailles-guy and Gackt.
I should probably add that she couldn't speak Japanese at all... but claimed that she did.
Psychozoa · 1 points · Posted at 20:25:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Childhood one right here, so many lies on the playground but I'll just share one guy's stories for now. For time reference, this was prior to the 7th generation of console coming out.
Could not go over to uncle's house because the Xbox 360 was broken (Well... This one is believable.)
Claimed the same uncle also worked at Sony
Claimed his uncle had a PS3 prior to launch
Claimed his uncle also had a PS4 and that the graphics were "super real"
Could not show us the PS4 because he claimed it was broken
lol
worknsurf · 1 points · Posted at 20:26:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ohh Ohh, I have a friend who told me that he got 58,000 steps in a day once. I called him out on it, and he said that it was because he worked two jobs that day.
squeegeaero · 1 points · Posted at 20:27:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I worked with a girl who was super excited when her parents put a down payment on a "brand new 2015 Pontiac Aztek". Being the car knob I am I realized they stopped making the car around 10 years ago. If you weren't a car person at all, maybe you would make that mistake? but she frequently lied about lots of other things as well. 2 weeks later the Aztek had a blown head gasket.
mnagant · 1 points · Posted at 20:27:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Worked with a compulsive liar who insisted he had been drafted by the Miami Dolphins in 1982. As if debunking that was more work than a single Google search, he stuck to the lie and then tried to say it was the "practice squad" draft which "was not published for privacy reasons."
Keinichn · 1 points · Posted at 20:29:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Friend claimed to have gotten pulled over by a state trooper going 100 in a 65 and didn't get a ticket. Though the person who was in the car with him at the time backed up his story, and they weren't known as a liar, I didn't, and still don't, believe that story.
Mooperboops · 1 points · Posted at 20:31:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A girl I used to work with told us her and her boyfriend were already married, but on her security form she did not have him listed as her husband. They also got married a few years later and invited some of us. She said she reads a 1000 page novel every day. She said in Europe she worked at a winery clubbing rats to death and was paid $100 pounds per rat. She said she could only eat gluten free because of celiac's but when we bought regular pizza she ate it.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:32:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ah, I know a person like this. But everyone knew that she was full of shit.
She would lie that her dad worked at a phone manufacturer and they were producing a phone that would cost "30 THOUSANDS!!"...
She'd lie that her Dad was a car collector (while being poor as fuck)
She'd also lie that she knew lots and lots of people from famous magazines all over the country
Until one day someone recorded on video her lying, put on YouTube, shared on Facebook and took down hours later.
What she did the other day? Lied that her family contacted lawyers, downloaded the video and wanted to go to court but she didn't want to and just wanted an apology and 10 minutes later everything was fine.
Everyone. Every. One. In the damn school knew about it because the other girls caught up with her bullshit and exposed her.
charlottechewie · 1 points · Posted at 20:33:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That his new car was a Honda Civic Si. It had the Si badges. The rims, spoiler, interior were not Si. I used to sell Hondas. He bought the badges and told everyone it was an Si..
BloodySpies · 1 points · Posted at 20:33:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I have a longtime friend of mine who always tells tall tales. He makes it up, and it is IMPOSSIBLE to prove him wrong. I mean you could put perfect undeniable evidence in his face, and he will not accept it. He has conviction, I'll give him that. A few things he has told me over the years:
He spent his whole paycheck one week on a "mountain" of cocaine to "do a scarface" and slam his face in it. (He works 30 hour weeks making 8 $/hr)
That when his girlfriend got fired from her job (still don't know what that job was) that her boss had told her to her face that she would not get her severance package. So he called in his "favour with the mafia" to scare her boss and to paying the severance package amount that he should already be paying because of the binding contract. So instead of taking him to court, his mob friend got the guy to pay double. Which was 90,000 apparently.
that someone tried robbed him when he was walking back from work, when the guy pulled a gun on him my friend just looked at him and said "hey man I'm having a bad day and I'm not in the mood for this," and the guy just put his gun away and walked down the street.
-that he has a 10 inch dick, has had sex 6 times back to back, one of those 6 times lasting roughly 3 hours.
Bill Gates calls him occasionally, to talk about "birds" (No, really)
he moved to California, and his reasoning was that his girlfriend was getting a really good job, the aforementioned job, and that he was getting a job at Google for business. He has no serious education after highschool. And he always was never able to provide pictures of him at the office or really any proof.
that when he went to Bonnaroo, also while dating aforementioned girlfriend, some random girl walked up to him, put a bunch of molly in her mouth, and open mouth made out with him, while at a concert. Without saying anything else, they went back to his tent, and had sex while rolling face. Oh and that his girlfriend was OK with it.
that he was pulled over, while carrying moonshine in his front seat, that he was "running" for friend. And that the cop saw it, then told him if he could sit in the car and split a jar with him he would let him off.
Edit: Spelling and what not.
Devoff · 1 points · Posted at 22:24:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
10 inches is not something to brag about anything over 8 is really too much
spamalicioussammi · 1 points · Posted at 20:33:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My boyfriend's ex boss is a compulsive liar. He told everyone at the office stupid stuff all the time. Like he dated some celebrities baby sitter and they would have sex on his(the celebrity I don't remember who it was. Someone minor) couch and smoke his weed until they got caught and she got fired. Apparently one time he told this story and his friend was there and called him out because it was someone else's story lol. He also told everyone that he rode through the desert while high on meth shooting two guns out of the car window...
inukagokik · 2 points · Posted at 21:09:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My boss is the same. Brags about how he goes to the gym always, and wakes up at 5 am each morning to run 6 miles. Him and my boyfriend always talk about their Fitbits and gym stuff, but when you compare their STEPS my boyfriend has more. My boyfriend never even runs. Sooo yeah, sorry pharmacist Steve but I do not buy it.
AwkwardRainbow · 1 points · Posted at 20:34:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So this girl in school claimed she was dating one of the most popular guys in school. It's not that that is impossible but I thought it was extremly rare. A few weeks go by and I ask if she and him are still dating. She says they are but keep their relationship quiet. I just accepted it and moved on. A few weeks later after listening to her stories of him and her I was fed up. If this so called "relationship" was secret, then why tell me? We hardly liked each other. And then one day I just did it. I went up to this dude and asked him" Hey do you know a Megan?", he told me no with a very confused look on his face. Once I told him the story, you could swear he saw a ghost, and then called the girl crazy. The next day I asked her why he doesn't know you and she just said because they keep their relationship secret. This went on for the entire year, and eventually she told me they broke up because he was going to college, (btw, the dude was a senior, she was a freshman)
Seems ridiculously stupid. (Also, I'm not saying that relationships like this don't happen, I just had a terible feeling she was lying, and by my better judgement she was)
Do11ar · 1 points · Posted at 20:35:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
First he had a terminal brain cancer. Then he cured it by smoking a lot of pot.
Loqsha · 1 points · Posted at 20:36:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He made a cop take of his badge and kicked his ass.
BaconReceptacle · 1 points · Posted at 20:37:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was in a rock band in high school. This known-compulsive-liar dude kept talking about how he was an amazing keyboard player. So I told him he should come to practice. He didnt show up for any practices despite the fact I kept encouraging him to come by. Well, he finally did...with a $50 Casio keyboard (more suited for a child) and no amp. So the moment of truth: he couldnt play Mary Had a Little Lamb if his life depended on it. He kept saying "hold on...wait...Oh, I messed up...". We totally gave him shit for lying and then actually SHOWING UP to prove he was lying.
Madkiller534 · 1 points · Posted at 20:37:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend told me his mother could get us into a rave . (We are both 17)
ConcreteSamurai · 1 points · Posted at 20:37:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He read the entirety of The Divine Comedy by Dante on a 6 hour flight to Italy.
ThinMinteus · 1 points · Posted at 20:38:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This was in elementary school and the time where Avatar the Last Airbender was the shizz. So this new kid said there was an actual school on how to be the avatar. He said he was a firebender in training and even proceeded to try and show us firebending by getting bark, having us look away, and then rub the bark in his hands. What appeared in his hands was eraser shavings, ERASER SHAVINGS, to look like ash or something.
falls_asleep_reading · 1 points · Posted at 20:38:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew someone who still tells the "Ladasha" story (http://www.snopes.com/racial/language/le-a.asp) and swears it happened to them, except in their version, it's spelled "La-a."
Also knew a guy who was 20 in 1992 who swore up and down that he was SF in VietNam. As the niece of two highly decorated VietNam vets, I was not at all amused. Dude literally cried when I called him out on it.
Chatner2k · 1 points · Posted at 20:38:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My wife had a coworker like that named Randy. Best one I can remember was that him and his girlfriend had a baby and the baby had asthma so they had to put it down. This baby later came back to life and called him on his phone.
More -
One time randy said he got a promise ring for his girlfriend for $1000 regular price being $50 000. And he got it because he had a friend that worked at sears.
He also did weird things like he called their work to tell them there was a lunar eclipse. That's all he had to say.
Also kept getting calls from his girlfriend and his supervisor got angry and his retort was "my girlfriend has diabetes and she works at McDonald's! You don't get it! And there is NO AIR CONDITIONING"
His entire Facebook page is fake celebrities. He recently responded to an Owen Wilson post asking if anyone lived in new jersey to which he responded "no, sorry Owen Wilson".
Wish I could make this up. I'm sure there's more too.
jackalope54 · 1 points · Posted at 20:39:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There was this chick who moved to my high school her senior year who road my bus and was in my health class. I was a sophomore at the time. I had to sit next to her in class and she would tell me all kinds of crap.
She took a weightlifting class when she was a freshman and could bench press 350 lbs. (she was overweight and the strongest guy at our school couldn't even do 300)
She was psychic, especially about relationship stuff. So she "read" what I wanted in a guy and said a bunch of generic things like how I want someone who will accept me for who I am and stuff like that, basically what any girl would want. When I still didn't believe her she "read" my physical preferences in guys, and all she did was describe the guy she knew I had a crush on. She got his eye color wrong though XD
She was very good at sports, but she couldn't participate in them anymore because her ovarian cysts would pop or something.
she claimed her brother had a higher IQ than Einstein and was identified as one of the smartest kids in America. (He was smart for the record, but not that smart). She also claimed that her IQ was really high. Then she was bragging about how she got a 21 on the ACT (which is the average of my state) like she thought I didn't know what a good score is. I once asked her if she was so smart, how come she only got a 21 on the ACT and she said something about how intelligence can be expressed in different ways or something.
She kept talking about applying to go to college at our local university as if it was a really impressive school and hard to get into. It's not.
She kept going on and on about how she knew all these people who were doctors and lawyers and nurses and teachers and firemen and like 10 other professions who would all come after any guy who broke her heart. She literally told me this like 8 times or more.
She was also one of those people that if you ever told any story about anything, she had one that would top yours. Eventually I learned to tune her out and just nod my head.
Devoff · 1 points · Posted at 22:15:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
21 sucks one of my friends got a 35 and i thought i did poorly getting a 29
jackalope54 · 1 points · Posted at 02:22:12 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I never knew anyone who got a 35, but I had quite a few friends who scored in the low 30's. The highest I scored was a 28, but I tried really hard to get a 30. Probably would've helped if I took a prep course or something.
But yeah, a 21 sucks and she apparently thought I was young enough that I wouldn't realize it.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:39:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Due to it's low center of gravity, if you hit a pig with your car the car would flip over the front end through the air and the pig would stay still and not move, relatively unharmed.
One week after WoW was released i told him I bought it and it was amazing. He immediately delves into the adventures of World of Warcraft acting like he played it for months making shit up, completely ignoring that I said I bought it a week ago and had played it. He only had ever played Warcraft 3 demo before then.
olympusgod · 1 points · Posted at 20:40:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
ITT: Compulsive liars making up stories about compulsive liars they "know"
racemize · 1 points · Posted at 20:40:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had a suitemate that would tell ridiculous stories all the time. We all believed him for a semester, until it got out of hand (and also he threatened his roommate).
He told us that he was a walk-on quarterback for our school, but he hurt is arm so he lost his scholarship, and that he got in a huge fight at our dorm and was facing expulsion. Why we didn't question it, I don't know.
efjmalloy · 1 points · Posted at 20:40:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"I was so blind when I was born that I had two seeing eye dogs"
And then some weeks later:
"I was so blind in my right eye as a child that I taught myself how to write with my left hand, and now I'm ambidextrous."
Annnd then:
"I had to have lasik surgery when I was a toddler."
Devoff · 1 points · Posted at 22:12:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
thats pretty believable except the 2 dogs part ( i dont know anything about lasik so that could be wrong too )
efjmalloy · 1 points · Posted at 22:19:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Most places won't perform lasik on someone under 18 because the eyes are still developing. She's 21 now. I also don't see how being blind in your right eye prevents you from writing with your right hand.
Also, she's a compulsive liar, so there's that.
CUZZBRODY · 1 points · Posted at 20:41:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a kid sit me down when we were both freshman in high school, he convinced me he was in the fbi, he mas hundreds of thousands of dollars and he wanted to know if i wanted in. I said yes ahha stupid freshmen...
undeadbill · 1 points · Posted at 20:42:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A good friend of several years regularly would brag about having published code in Byte Magazine as a boy. He did not realize that the entire run of the publication is free to search and download from the Internet Archive.
No, he did not do that. He has entertaining stories, so he is fun at parties, but otherwise I take everything he says with a
grainpound of salt.FindingMojo · 1 points · Posted at 20:42:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A girl I've known forever and who is my friend has always been a compulsive liar. She works as a park ranger in MN. Can't remember the conversation but she tells me she was bitten by a Brown Recluse Spider the other day. In my head I'm thinking, aren't those deadly or really bad? So your telling me you might die? do they even exist in MN? I say to her, "Oh that sucks" and then change the subject.
Quitechsol · 1 points · Posted at 20:43:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have a truck driver friend who has a reputation for being late, he has been with 6-7 companies in the past year or so, and he tried to convince me that he has companies lined up ready to pay him $200k/yr.
officialalex97 · 1 points · Posted at 20:44:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Girl I know faked having a fit to get the attention of a guy, I know I don't understand either but she also faked having cancer, faked abusive texts and a bunch of other stuff, severe daddy issues with this girl lets just say nobody liked her to save me the time haha
Dead_Art · 1 points · Posted at 20:44:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My brother is a notorious liar, don't believe a single story he tells. Unfortunately he also looks just like me.
So I've found myself in awkward situations with strangers throughout the years, my favorite was how my brother built my dad's 15 year company from scratch after highschool, lived in my condo, drove my motorcycle, played my guitars and regularly traveled Europe at age 21.
The worst is when he does tinychat with his buddies from downstate and just blatantly lies in this used car salesman voice and they just eat it up. At this point I consider anyone who hangs out with him a gullible idiot
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:44:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My mom walked 5 miles to school uphill both ways.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:45:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My mom: "I'm not drinking, why don't you people ever believe me!" just absolutely obliterated (it's a doctor jekyl and mr hyde thing when she drinks, which is everyday, you can hear the alcohol in her voice after a sip).
She once told my dad that I was in jail and she needed $500...my dad called me on the phone he secretly bought for me and I sent him a picture of me reading on my bed.
Mom: "your dad wasn't even at your birth! he made me go to the hospital alone! he never sent you anything!" I hated my dad for years...finally let him contact me around age 13 where he sent me pics of him and my mom at the hospital, him holding me at my birth, he still has the actual hospital gown, and pictures of endless father/daughter love notes and gifts I never got (mom took and pawned or threw out). What happened was a months and months long chase by my dad who was a cop at the time, going door to door town to town tracking us down. But every time he figured out where we lived, we had moved and there'd be some crackhead living there. He ran out of money and ended up in Wichita where I lived with him after I found out he wasn't crazy at all and my mom was the crazy one lol. Okay, these are just a couple of the mass amounts of depressing lies people in my life have told me LOL.
LavaMeteor · 1 points · Posted at 20:45:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Picture this. I'm in High School, with about 12 other guys, sitting on about 4 benches. People are playing football in the yard. There's this frog looking guy no one likes, who we'll simply call "Dave".
He's been tutting and pretending to cringe for about a minute now. Someone notices and promptly says "Dave, what the fuck are you doing?"
"Look at them. They're not playing real football. If I went on the yard, I'd easily beat all of them." replied Dave, with the absolute fucking smuggest tone in his voice.
You could smell his bullshit from a mile away. "Oh really? Well, why don't you go on the yard and play against them?" said one of my friends.
"Oh I can't." replied Dave. "First of all, it would be unfair on them and secondly, I'd probably break their legs."
"W-Wait, excuse me?"
"Yeah, I'd kick the ball so hard, that if someone was caught in its path, their legs would explode." replied Dave, who was speaking about guys that were more hench than /r/fitness combined.
Seeing a potential goldmine of cringe comedy, another friend of mine pipes up and says "Dave, I'll give you £20 if you can beat them in football."
Dave, being the money hungry bastard he was, accepted and promptly ran onto the pitch. 10 seconds later, Dave tried to kick the ball, but landed his foot on it, slipped and fell.
Dave didn't get his £20.
MatttheBruinsfan · 1 points · Posted at 20:46:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The creator of TVTropes was once a poster at a message board I'm a longstanding member of, where he presented himself as an African-American medical researcher named Gus. He floated all kinds of BS tales, including finding a hobo squatting in his home and being hospitalized for a monkey bite while traveling in Africa. Eventually I guess the effort of trying to keep his stories straight proved too much, and he committed pseudocide with an alleged Korean girlfriend posting on his account in pidgin English to notify the community.
eyemakepizza · 1 points · Posted at 20:46:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This kid who used to work at the Dunkin Donuts next to my pizzeria lied about anything and everything. The one that I found to be the best was that his ex-girlfriend who got fired from Dunkin was now doing a nursing program with the Air Force. "Right now she is just in training and they pay her $150k a year. But once she's done with training she can make up to $300k a year."
She barely graduated high school and couldn't even hold her job at Dunkin.....
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:46:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Recently, a senior moved to my school, hes the type who puts in headphones to walk down the hallway and not socialize with anyone. So my friends were going to try to get to know the guy, we found out he moved from out of state. So once we got to talking to him we found out 99% of what comes out of this guys mouth is lies.
Here's one example of what he had told us: At his old home before he moved, he had a Lamborghini. But this was no regular Lamborghini, he claimed it had 4 wheel drive and a V18 Engine. One day he was out driving and encountered police, who were in pursuit of him, because he was driving without a license because he was underage, he decided to flee. after a high speed chase, he gave up the chase, and did not get in any trouble however the Lamborghini was impounded. So rather than paying a small fee to get back a $100,000 car he said "Fuck it" and decided to leave it in the impound.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:47:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Something about something or something.
onethatgotawaytwice · 1 points · Posted at 20:47:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Girl came into work and complained about being in a car accident and requested to work shorter days (but still get paid the full 8 hrs) and told us her doctor said she needed to take a 10min break on the hour every hour......
meanwhile, we all have her on social media and shes posting pics of herself at the beach, drinking, partying... she also has one of our bosses on her social media... yeaaa, she was that dumb!
Granyaski · 1 points · Posted at 20:48:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A friend of mine has ridiculous lies for not leaving his house and being sociable. Most regarding his dog such as: *got to cut my dogs toe nails (at 9pm!?) *got to brush my dog *mum's out so got to watch the dog as it gets 'lonely'
Amongst other shit such as "I'm not free Tuesday through Saturday as I'm busy". He was also unemployed at this point.
The common joke with our group is that he's busy wiping his dogs arse.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:48:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy at school tried to tell me he 'invented minecraft'
piackl · 1 points · Posted at 20:49:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend who was dating a guy who turned out to be a pathological liar. He used to tell stories about how his mom had sneaked out of North Korea with him as a baby and the hardships they faced coming to the US.
He was half black half korean... yeah no that didn't happen.
Porkwater · 1 points · Posted at 20:50:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
My friend in the UK said he had his own Monster truck, Only it's in America so we can't see it or use it. He has no photos of it, because his dad crushed a car with someone still in it and isn't proud of it..
He also said parents originally called him "Lore" but feared he'd stand out so goes by the name of "Anthony"
hopalongsmiles · 1 points · Posted at 20:50:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
SiKBiT · 1 points · Posted at 20:50:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When I was 7 or 8, one of my friends gave me the classic story of his grandfather working at Nintendo's factory in Japan and that he could get me a Game Boy Advance from there if he wanted. Me, being a naive little boy, believed what he said, and on the same day I told my parents about it and I was so excited, I'll finally get a Game Boy Advance and I'll be able to play Pokemon on it! If I remember correctly they didn't really react.
Never got my Game Boy, obviously. I was sad when I finally figured out he was lying.
seraohh · 1 points · Posted at 20:51:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I realized how insane of a compulsive liar my ex was when I contacted a girl he had cheated on me with. She informed me that he had told her we dated a long time ago and that I didn't live in the country anymore. I have never moved out of my hometown.
ranman12953 · 1 points · Posted at 20:52:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My mother married a man who spent 30 years in prison for bank robbery. He and her have been together ever since he got out. They have been together for about 18 years or so. He is 78. They used to live in Boise Idaho, but due to his failing health, I moved my mother and him into my very small home in NC. He is a pathological liar. He lies about every single thing we talk about. And its blatantly obvious too. Except to my mother. She is a sweet little innocent thing but naive as the day is long. He has very bad memory problems and is showing signs of Alzheimers. Any subject I bring up, he has a story on. He tells the story extremely slow because he is making it up on the fly. And he can remember every detail, time and dates, and exact phrases. And they all kinda end the same. Its fricken ridiculous to sit through at dinner. I just want to stab him in the eye with my dinner roll. Pack it right into the socket. He has said he was a marine sniper, lived in Alaska and built a log cabin by hand, (cant even build a box) fought grizzlies, you name it hes done it.
Njefup · 1 points · Posted at 20:52:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Let's see. Kid was born in a bubble. He was married in third grade. Swam with sharks later tuned to leaches. Many more but thought maybe grew out of it in adulthood. Only to hear a story of being in a car with guns weed and blow on him. Got a year probation then joined the army. Meanwhile I couldn't join because an ex had a dime bag on her and since I was the driver I was as in much possession as her in my state. Called him out on it and he started stuttering like he did when we were 9. Some people never change.
Aliasbri1 · 1 points · Posted at 20:52:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A friend I grew up with, kicked someone ass every day on the way to pick us up for work in the morning. Once, he told us he had to kick this guys ass at Circle K, and his dad said something from the car, so he had to kick his ass too. My friend was full of shit. As long as I knew him (15yrs), never did I see him even get in an argument with any stranger...
Dapotato50 · 1 points · Posted at 20:53:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have a co worker who is roughly 23 years old, it took me a while to figure stuff out but then it clicked
All of this and he's working a minimum wage grocery store job in Texas.
Jeff4Bread2 · 1 points · Posted at 20:54:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy we knew in college once tried to convince us to believe some utterly horrific BS. We now tell everyone new in our lives to let the legend live on.
He told us that one night there had been a protest at a near-by wind farm site; now this is believable, as not everyone can see the benefits. Anyway, he gets called up that night by the military no less, who proceed to pick him up in a helicopter in order to break up the protest. He is handed a sniper rifle, and while the chopper is still approaching the site of the protest; he shoots several of the protesters with pin-point accuracy.
This is also the guy who once told us that the military had let him take some smoke grenades home; and one had gone off in his room.
(He had no connection with the military at all. With the possible exception of the TA)
ApocaRUFF · 1 points · Posted at 20:55:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Where I work, there is a compulsive liar. It's really odd dealing with him. One on One, he seems like a decent person and will (usually) do what I tell him.
The lies usually aren't that big, just little things. Sometimes the lies are just sad. For example, he'll make up some story about a conversation he had with his wife that makes him seem like a good/better person, but only marginally.
Then there's some of the bigger/sadder lies. He will tell us how he's struggling for custody of one of his kids. That's a bit murky - it's not our business. But he's told us in the past that he'll never see one of his kids again (The dudes like 22 or something, by the way), but then we hear from someone else that his grandparents have custody. Which may very well be and perhaps the grandparents don't want him to see the kid. Which will make sense with the next lie.
He'll tell us about how hard he is working for the kids he does have. However, he's missed work a few times (because he 'misread the schedule') and comes in late often and has even left early when one of the 'weaker' line leads is working. (Don't worry, he'll be gone soon).
Then we'll have his neighbors or other family members complain that they have to pay for his kids to have diapers or basic things that they need. So, he's essentially neglecting his kids. Luckily, he lives with his in-laws with his wife, and his mother-in-law is an awesome (though not the brightest) person.
He's gone around telling several co-workers that someone has been editing his hours and that the owner had to investigate and fix the issue. When, in reality, that hasn't happened. He just misses work and comes in late, meaning he only gets a fraction of the hours he's scheduled for. It's weird. Why would you tell a lie like that when half the people there are related and the person who does the scheduling is close friends with the owners? You can't get away with it and it's going to get around that you're saying that stuff eventually.
Then there's the out-of-work lies that are really annoying. He's told several people that he'll get them jobs here. Imagine getting out of the car at a gas station and having some lady talk to you about how excited she is that her boyfriend will start working there next week when we weren't actively hiring and there hadn't been any sort of application.
He also likes to tell people that he's 2nd or 3rd in charge of the place. When he's essentially as low as you can go. Literally, if we had an org chart, he would be at the bottom row.
It sucks because of the kids he's neglecting. But also because if he wasn't such a liar, or at least wasn't such a lazy liar, he would be a great worker. He's helpful and will do things when asked a majority of the time. Or he was, it's been getting worse lately. It seems like the more comfortable he has gotten in the job, the bigger and more frequent the lies and the more often he is late/absent.
Anyways, like I said, he won't be here much longer.
Ashe400 · 1 points · Posted at 20:55:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Late to the party but this dude would lie about everything. We once had an argument, started by him, that a road we had just driven on not five minutes prior had been a gravel road when it was actually paved. I kept trying to get him to drop it until I snapped, whipped a shitty in the road and drove back to it. His response, "We didn't take this road, must have been another one." I've never had 20 minutes of my life wasted like that before or since.
funkygold · 1 points · Posted at 20:55:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy that my husband and I were friends with in high school was a fantastic compulsive liar. He definitely got points for creativity.
• He told us that he wasn't looking forward to the Christmas holiday break because he had to fight his sensai and, of course, only one of them would make it out alive, so he was very depressed, because he loved his sensai. When he came back after break, he told us he figured out a trick that spared both his life and the life of his sensai, so it was all good.
• He was immune to pepper spray. He was pepper sprayed by a cop and when his body didn't react, the cop dropped to his knees in awe. He is (according to him) a legend to the police force in our small town.
• He had to save his grandmother from vampire-werewolves. Yep. Good thing he didn't kill his sensai, 'cause he sure helped him out with that one.
• He could bend in half and suck his own dick. We were standing around in a group together and as the conversation lulled, he bent over and said, "I can, but I don't." Sometimes it's weird being the female in a group of male friends, but hilarious, nonetheless.
Yep, real dude. Never really liked him but loved the stories.
dhoffnun · 1 points · Posted at 20:56:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"I made this in Photoshop" shows promotional image from the show Reboot
Kuido · 1 points · Posted at 20:56:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Tried telling us he was a professional skater. Saved a bunch of pics of a girl from when /r/jailbait existed and called her his girlfriend. Said he had a near death experience. Gave a bunch of stories about a girl at camp who gave him head in the woods that didn't happen; almost gave her a bad rep.
LordAnon5703 · 1 points · Posted at 20:57:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A while back I went on a couple dates with this girl from my school. Around that same time I was also getting ready to bring home my ball python. When she heard this she began to tell me about her anaconda "Kevin" that she keeps at home. According to her he roams the house, is trained like a dog, and takes squares of beef for treats (from your hand no less). He is also from Africa (I made the mistake of correcting her by telling her anacondas come from the amazon but she told me they're in African rivers too). Anyone who knows literally the littlest thing about snakes knows she's bullshitting.
She also tried one upping this girl we were talking to one day. She said she was interested in knife throwing, and Liar had to say that she herself had won several awards for knife throwing. She described it as basically walking through a maze as targets appear. She even had a special belt that held her knives and had special technology that only let the knives go when she touched them. She always had some strange story to one up you, for literally every sport.
Blackfire2x · 1 points · Posted at 20:57:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Drank a whole handle of Jack Daniels his first time drinking. Didn't even get a buzz and saved his drowning friends life all in the same hour
Dagos · 1 points · Posted at 20:59:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Holy fuck, this is the thread for me. I absolutely despise compulsive liars, I just can't comprehend WHY they can't stop but yeah.
I used to run a guild (who were very much like a family to me) in a video game and this one dude joined. He was a very friendly guy but just kept saying stuff to impress the guild to like him even more, like he was a celebrity.
I started to pick up on his nonsense but it was just a hunch, until he started showing us these videos of him "singing". At first all I could was nod my head at them, but I knew they were just songs pitched a bit lower to sound like a completely different voice, but the intonations and everything were the exact same. I was in a top tier choir class in my highschool days so I was able to pick up if it was a different voice or not. I called him out on it but he still insisted on them being real. The rest of the guild did not like me calling it fake but I was very certain and was able to show them that I was telling the truth.
He would say he was trapped in his bedroom because his mother wouldn't let him leave, and that was the story he stuck with for a few months, even after we tried to "help" him. We stayed away from discrediting this.
He would say he was married and he would get on an alternate account to pretend it was his wife (Typing style was the exact same as his, he really wasn't trying to look like another person) but we stayed away from discrediting this.
I was finally fed up with his bullshit when I caught him lying to my face. I was a big deadmau5 fan during this time and he tried to use that on me, saying that since he was a singer and he also made his own music. He insisted that he was recording music with Daft Punk at the time being, and "was hanging out with deadmau5 yesterday". I noticed the lie right then and there because Joel Zimmerman (deadmau5) was on tour in Poland that week. That was the last straw, because he was trying to use some fantastical lie for me to see him like a celebrity. I shot him down very quickly and completely removed/blocked him from the guild/game or what have you.
Jillzeas · 1 points · Posted at 20:59:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Someone told me that they saw a rabid raccoon, and tried to shoot & kill but missed and shot the thing in the leg. Then, he said, the raccoon was still alive but couldn't use its leg, so it started to chew off its own leg.
thorstone · 1 points · Posted at 20:59:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This guy i went to school with said the most ridiculous lies:
"I own a gameboy SMS", aka super mega big (translated from my language). Amogst alot other stuff, we never got to se this stuff because they were always this other location where the rest of his family live.
Got his own $15 000 ish computer at the age of 11.
His father is the biggest enemy of gaddafi thats why he needs securityguards infront of his parents (tiny) appartment.
His father makes missiles and sels them tu russia for 75% of the profit, making millions each. This he actually said in a presentation about work at school, to teacher and everything.
It was lies like this every week. We got pretty used to it so it was more fun to see what he would say next time. I think there were something wrong with him because he would lie about stuff we obviously knew. Like bringing him hist test resaults back from school when he was sick, it clearly says on the front page he got an E and he would say he got an A, then rip it appart because he didn't need it to prove annything. Holding back laughter was very hard at times
USA_Thug · 1 points · Posted at 20:59:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"No, I'm not drink." Before collapsing into the Christmas tree and starting an electrical fire before breaking a window to run away.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:05:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
USA_Thug · 1 points · Posted at 23:16:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My sister celebrates Christmas like a champ.
I mean drunk.
Like a drunk.
km10298 · 1 points · Posted at 21:00:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
An old acquaintance once told me his grandfather killed three nazi soldiers whilst parachuting from a plane somewhere in France... During World War One.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:27:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Time-traveling Nazis!
km10298 · 1 points · Posted at 21:36:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The only logical explanation.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:47:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Clearly.
Kroandea · 1 points · Posted at 21:01:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He found himself drunk one time, wanted to heat-up a microwave snack — put a can of (green labeled) Monster Energy drink in there instead. I quote: “ye! It was crazy! The can exploded and my whole kitchen was completely covered in green!”
He had made up stories all the time —went too far when he started about cancer and his life expectancy. (All a lie). From then on we as a friends group distanced ourselves from him.
HormonesofDeath · 1 points · Posted at 21:01:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he made a girl cum 19 times in a night and that he has a $10,000 gaming computer that he built himself at 14. He would randomly just place lies in his sentences too. Like so nonchalant but you can obviously see the lie.
I had another friend of mine that would say she has every broken bone in the book and that her exs give her black eyes. One of her exs is my current boyfriend and told me she's batshit crazy because he accidently elbowed her in bed in the face and she went around telling everybody he hit her. She even fabricated a black eye out of makeup that washed off at the pool. He's never said his hands on me (unless I've asked for it in bed)
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:01:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew this fat 25 year old guy when I was a teenager through my friends,we were all underage and paid him to buy us alcohol, he lived with his parents and its how he made money by hanging around a liquor store buying alcohol for teenagers.
He would literally just tell blatant retarded lies 24/7 whenever we had to spend any time with him and he would just not stop speaking. We knew him since we were 15 up until we were 17 and yet he still felt the need to try to impress us with absurd stories, the ones I can remember being:
BenjiG19 · 1 points · Posted at 21:02:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Guy told me he went kneeboarding and went out to one side, then came back across the wake as fast as he could and kept going so fast that he went in front f the boat, let go of the rope, caught the rope again behind the boat and kept going.
Same guy - shot skeet and never missed. It was so easy that he got bored with it and quit.
NotAGopher · 1 points · Posted at 21:03:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He told me the captain on Deadliest Catch was his dad.
misunderstoodsamurai · 1 points · Posted at 21:04:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It was my best friend and she told me that her father was abusive and would hit her and her brother and that's why she broke her rib but her ribs were never broken and I asked her mom when she would be healed and she didn't know what I was talking about.
thwinks · 1 points · Posted at 21:04:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Guy i worked with said he was a Lt in the army and won the medal of Honor or Purple heart or some shit.
There have been very few people to get those, most of them are dead, and it's public knowledge who they are. How dumb do you think i am?
Also some quick googling revealed that this dumbass was an E-3 when he left the army. Not a lieutenant...
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:04:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
WarthogOsl · 2 points · Posted at 21:11:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Maybe he's confusing DOOM with the very first versions of Castle Wolfenstein, which was a 2d Apple II game that id Software later used as the basis for Wolf 3d on PC.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:47:47 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
WarthogOsl · 1 points · Posted at 01:58:59 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
"Find." Um yeeeeah....I'm certainly not old enough to have actually played Beyond Castle Wolfenstein, on an Apple II. :)
Helobrate · 2 points · Posted at 21:12:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Lars Ulrich is danish!
arhanv · 1 points · Posted at 21:05:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"My teacher in sixth grade told us that there were three tracks. Track 1, Track 2 and Track 3..."
Donaldo_Trumpetas · 1 points · Posted at 21:05:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My uncle is the guy who invented DNA
BuggleGum · 1 points · Posted at 21:05:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My mother has special car insurance that states that i, her son, is not allowed to drive her car under any circumstances. Other people, no problem. I'm 36 and haven't had a ticket in 20 years. Small dumb lie, still irritating.
bearofmoka · 1 points · Posted at 21:06:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When I was 15, a girl I had a major crush on said she had a brain tumor and probably wouldn't make it to uni. This majorly fucked with me because she said it was a major secret and her older brother didn't even know. I never fully believed it but considering she's 27 now and that was 14 years ago.
Lamplock · 1 points · Posted at 21:07:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One of my friends when I was younger literally lied about everything when she was younger to the point where her family didn't take anything she said seriously. She even pretended to have schizophrenia for a while and would talk to ghosts and her whole act was laughable.
Anyway one day she decided to fabricate a rape where she said she was at work at the hairdressers on her own (she never got left alone because she was 16 and only sweeper up cut hair) when a polish man came in and raped her.
She was very specific on him being polish even though she's never met someone polish to even know what they sound like or hear their language.
Anyway turned out she had been at a friends the entire time, which wasn't discovered until the police investigated it.
amethystair · 1 points · Posted at 21:09:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
She tried to convince us she was colorblind. She wasn't.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:11:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
i used to lie compulsively because there were deep emotional issues fuelling it. i was trying to depict myself as 'better' to others to make myself feel better about who i was. and i had a friend that that saw my psychological issues as a laughing matter. it was upsetting. reading all the jokes about how ridiculous liars are on this thread i'm now wondering if picking on other peoples' psychological faults is just another form of defence mechanism that is in similar realm. though i don't lie anymore, now i'm wondering why compulsive liars seem so peculiar to others.
Reyaweks · 1 points · Posted at 21:20:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You shouldnt be.
If a 16 year old scrawny kid says he benches 650, you know hes fucking strange.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:39:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
i'm not saying lying is the picture of mental health. i'm saying people's taking the piss of somebody else's psychological struggles rather than feel and express empathy cannot be healthy either. that is surely an indication of another psychological issue in itself. the reason behind people pointing the finger at lying as 'fucking weird' is i guess a bullying sort of defence mechanism that provides your own value and authority. little different from what lying provided me, loosely speaking. i wonder the differences in causation, behaviour etc. if i asked a psychologist.
Devoff · 1 points · Posted at 21:11:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
he said he could play guitar so i asked him to play my guitar and he said he could only play a semi-acoustic guitar and mine was acoustic
speargiver03 · 1 points · Posted at 21:12:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When I was in middle school a kid I knew and his twin brother told everyone they were related to Peyton Manning. But when we mentioned Eli he had no idea who he was.
fishielicious · 1 points · Posted at 21:13:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
This isn't particularly horrible as far as pathological lying goes, but a girl I was in elementary-high school with definitely was a pathological liar (well okay that may be a bit strong, but she was a hell of a liar).
The one that sticks out to me the most is in fourth grade she brought one of those toy violins (you know, the kind that just had some little buttons on it a toddler could press to make "notes," but was clearly not an actual violin) to class for show and tell. She said she was a concert violinist and when the rest of us were not dumb enough to believe that was a for-real violin--and also that we'd known her for years and she had never mentioned this before--she claimed it was her "practice violin" and her parents wouldn't let her bring her real one to school. I remember being outraged the teacher wouldn't call her out on her bullshit, but I think the teacher didn't want to embarrass her even worse, so she just said nothing.
She also claimed to be pregnant at random times in middle school and then never mentioned it again.
Weirdly enough, she seemed to reform completely in high school and as far as I know now is a totally functional, non-crazy woman with a normal life and family. But who knows what lurks beneath the facebook veneer...
Ringo007 · 1 points · Posted at 21:14:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"We were walking across a field and a midget was in a hole. He popped his head out and i kicked him"
Some guy who called himself "Hodges" at a media course I did in Oxford. Super weird. I'd usually immediately dismiss anything he said, I can remember this because it was so ridiculous.
dizzysoda · 1 points · Posted at 21:16:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hello. Former compulsive liar here. I once lied that I had a friend whose grandmother frequently dyed her hair blue. I also said that I had been to New York three times, when I had only been there once.
Eeveelution250 · 1 points · Posted at 21:17:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The c*nt has been going to hospital the past few weeks and had something wrong with her lungs. She then told me at school that she had been diagnosed with cancer I was upset. One of my best friends had cancer at a very young age how could I go through this? Eventually her stories stared to get ridiculous and we confronted her after she lied about one of her friends backstabbing her or some stupid shit. Glad she's outta my life
mundozeo · 1 points · Posted at 21:17:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend who was probably not right in the head. Some of his exploits include:
kicking a soccer ball so hard it caught fire and broke the net.
kicking a soccer ball so hard he pushed the goalie into the net with the ball.
kicking several guys in a fight by doing the matrix "hold on a pole as you side walk on your opponent's faces"
I'm sure there were more I've blocked off. Now keep in mind this guy was dead serious when he talked about these, getting offended if you chuckled or told him that it was probably not true.
As I said, poor guy was probably not right in the head.
_G0NZ0_ · 1 points · Posted at 21:17:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Friend i met in elementary school said she:
-Was a combination of all of the races on earth, and the government was after her for "breeding purposes".
-Was raped by a handsome athletic 18 year old blonde boy..who was apparently quaterback of the local highschool (we were 9 at the time)
-Fully convinced she was an anime character. Seriously. Swore her name was (insert main character's name from the most recent anime she was watching), wore cosplay outfits to school, etc.
-Apparently sold hella weed and was hiding from the Mexican Cartel (age 16)
Seriously, I think I only put up with her shit for the hilarious lies she tells.
Ur_house · 1 points · Posted at 21:17:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've known two guys like this. It is way more fun to egg them on and let them keep talking than to call them out on it. Some are so convincing you only realize it's obvious BS an hour later.
Guy 1: He had a sensei that was a ninja, who could sense your movements even when blindfolded. He also had another sensei that was an official Samurai (Wait, I thought they abolished those? Nah, it's like Knights in England now) who could glow in the dark if he charged his aura with energy. He once coated the principal's car with Saran Wrap absolutely perfectly, then spray painted it with graffiti on top of that. Two days later the car was painted another color, so then they went and pulled the plastic wrap off and returned it to it's original color.
Guy 2: He was a motorcycle racer, MMA fighter, and Pizza chef. He had gotten into at least a dozen fights that involved shooting people or gain members or something else extreme like that. His mom was a Judge with a hit on her from the Mafia, his brother was a plastic surgeon, his dad was..I can't remember but he was rich. Last time I talked to him he was working with The Japanese Embassy to do aid missions in Afganistan.
spidermanngp · 1 points · Posted at 21:20:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a guy (we'll call him Todd) that befriended a very wealthy old man (we'll call him Jim) who had no family or known beneficiaries. Todd proceeded to convince Jim to invest nearly $2,000,000 of his life savings to start up a roofing business. He lost all of the money in under 3 months and began to spin this big yarn about shady insurance agents and the FBI. He moved in with the man and became something of a surrogate son and continuously fed the man false information such as "update calls" from the FBI about how they were closing in on the case. Todd would run out and get the mail before Jim could every day just so that he could make up fake mail that came with encouraging updates about the case. Jim turned to drinking because he'd flushed his life savings down the drain and the only person he had in his life was the same man that had screwed him out of it. Many a night, Jim would get hammered drunk and you'd hear him banging around the house and trying to make it up the stairs and whatnot. Todd would ALWAYS follow those incidents up with "good news." Another phone call update from the feds! Conveniently, Jim just never seemed to be around when they called. No one ever seemed to be around.
When I first met Todd, he convinced me to join him in moving to another state for a few months to make some money in the roofing business following hail season. He convinced me by lying to me in pretty much every way that was possible about how much money I'd make. He even showed me "his" bank account to prove that he was as wealthy as he was claiming. The truth was that it was only an old screengrab from before he had lost all of Jim's money, so it wasn't current and it had never been his money in the first place. I lived with the two of them for two months which is how I saw all of this happen. One night while he was drunk and on pills and I was finally at my wit's end, I got him to confess to all the lying. He said that he just wanted good things to happen and that when they got out of control he felt like saying that they DID happen would make them more likely to happen, so he felt like he was helping in a way.
He told all the little lies too. Every third sentence was a lie, most of them completely pointless. "One time I went on vacation with LeBron James on a whim because I bought him a coffee at Starbucks," or even "You won't believe what just happened by the driveway! The biggest rattlesnake you've ever seen was hiding in the leaves and it lunged at me and I dove out of the way just in time and whacked it in the head with a piece of pvc pipe from the garage!" His brother came to visit us once and the very first time that the two of us were ever alone together, he said, "So have you figured out my brother's full of shit yet?"
To this day I really do believe that he only wanted good things to happen to/for everyone. He just can't stop himself from lying and the lying just leaves a path of devastation in his wake.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:20:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
rrl · 1 points · Posted at 21:22:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My ex-wife claimed that while cleaning house in the nude a squirrel saw her and began to jerk off.
beleca · 1 points · Posted at 21:23:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Crazy this question came up today because literally 3 days ago I lost my job due to the actions of a compulsive/habitual liar. I'd been at the job for a month, and the manager who hired me left 2 1/2 weeks ago, and the guy who took over for him is a compulsive liar, and coincidentally, a very flamboyant gay guy. So the first week I was there, this guy told me he had achieved all of his dreams through sheer determination. He told me he had been an executive chef and designed the menu at an upscale restaurant, as well as at the restaurant where I was employed with him. He told me he used to host a celebrity gossip show on our local rap radio station. He told me I could expect to average about $500/week in tips (this wasn't a waiter job). When I ran some of these claims by the other manager, he said "yeah, he helped design the menu at a coffee shop. Everything else is bullshit". So at that point, I realized this guy was a relentless self-promoter, narcissist, and likely habitual if not compulsive liar. One day he randomly said to me, out of nowhere, "I remember the first time I slept with a celebrity", and by this time I realized he was a bullshit factory but I had to play along since he was my boss, so I go "Oh, wow! What celebrity?" and he proceeded to tell me he had a several months-long gay relationship with the guy who currently plays the Flash. He told me he made money on the side as a "media consultant", meaning he did promotion for other businesses in the area, claiming he made a few grand/year doing it. I ran this, too, by the other manager, who told me that actually, he had repeatedly asked some of the surrounding businesses to let him run their facebook pages and twitters, and 2 of them relented and let him, a job which he did for free. So not only did he not make thousands as a "media consultant", he actually spent his own time and money doing it, meaning, if anything, he lost money.
But the most egregious lies were yet to come. About 3 weeks ago, he told me that the 2 owners of this restaurant - which has 4 locations, and in real estate alone is probably worth well over $1mil - had initiated the process of making him a co-owner. Again, playing along, I said "Wow! So you mean you've been saving money and you're going to buy into it?" And he said "No, they're just gonna give me a stake". He was saying that these 2 guys were going to literally give him a chunk of a business worth easily over a quarter million dollars, after assuming enormous financial risk and investing countless hours and money into its success, just because he was such a great guy. I don't know if he even really expected me to believe it, but I have since realized that this was a calculated lie intended to allay my suspicions when he would, for instance, come in on his days off, steal and drink a 6 pack of beer and make himself food without paying for any of it. If I thought he was an owner, or going to be one, I wouldn't question this behavior. But if he was just a manager - which he was - this would be, basically, theft, and he didn't want me to know that he stole food and alcohol from the business on literally a daily basis.
This brings us to my firing. From the first week I was there, when the manager who hired me was still there, I had asked over and over again for feedback: "Am I doing anything wrong? Do I need to do anything differently? I'm open to criticism, please tell me if I need to change something", and over and over again, he'd tell me "no, you're doing fine. If there's a problem I'll let you know." I asked about the last person who had been fired, and if they'd gotten any warnings before-hand, and he assured me they had gotten several warnings before being let go. I asked for feedback literally every week I was there for over a month, and every time I was told I was doing fine.
So 3 days ago I go into work, and when the people for the next shift came in this lying manager shows up and says he needs to talk to me. He tells me its time for my one month review, and they've decided its not working out and I no longer work there. After telling me, he literally ran away from me and out of the building. I walked after him and found him still walking away from me, and asked for an explanation. He acted absolutely indignant that I wanted an explanation, as if I should've known what I'd done. In his sassy, head-waggling, no-nonsense flamboyant gay man tone, he told me I'd taken over long breaks. This was especially ironic coming from him, considering I had never taken a single break in the time I'd worked there, and that one of the main reasons I believed him when he told me my job was safe was that he had a habit of telling me he was going to get coffee and then disappearing for literally 45 minutes at a time, including during rushes - which is basically the one thing you can't do at a restaurant - and every time he did this I'd think "well, if that guy can keep his job here and even get promoted, my job must be safe at least".
After giving me this bullshit reason, he ran away again, and after getting over the initial shock of getting fired for the first time ever in the 10+ years I've been in the workforce, I realized "Oh my god, what the fuck has he been telling the owners about me?" He lied to me literally daily, about things that were just random and didn't matter, and about material, objective things that had real implications for the functioning of the business. I see now in retrospect he'd been lying to the owners about me, and since I never saw them and had no line of communication with them, they basically took his word for it, and I have no idea what he might have told them, but I'm sure he gave them different reasons to get permission to fire me.
I talked to one of my former coworkers yesterday, and they told me that this guy had been trying to get the owners to hire his cousin, but the owners didn't trust his judgment and wanted to do the interviews themselves and seek people out through classified ads, not just let him hire whoever he wanted. I now suspect that he wanted to get rid of me so the owners would be desperate for people to cover shifts, and he could then go "well I know someone who can start today", and give my job to his cousin. I'm almost positive this was his motivation, but I don't know what the fuck he's been telling them about me.
I briefly considered seeking out the owners and telling them about all this, but I now think it'd be more satisfying to keep them in the dark and let this guy just totally destroy their business from the inside. They had to install cameras in the place because they'd gotten so many reports about him stealing, but they tolerated it because they were too busy to interview other people for the position, according to them. I've never met anyone who lies quite as much, or as outrageously as this guy, and unfortunately I got fucked over by his lies, but I take comfort in the knowledge that its just a matter of time until this guy's psychological problems and compulsive lying come around to bite the owners in the ass. But until then I have to find another job.
Jewinacup · 1 points · Posted at 21:23:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Said he graduated high school with a 12.1 GPA, completely serious
Phalex · 1 points · Posted at 21:23:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He said he was worth billions but turns out he valued his name/brand billions.
nova_cat · 1 points · Posted at 21:23:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know two people who told some outrageous lies. I'm sure I've posted about them before somewhere, and I get fuzzy on the details because it's been a long time and remembering absolutely everything is tough, but here's a truncated version:
Person 1 (in high school) claimed the following:
her parents weren't actually her real parents; they had adopted her because her real mother was a French prostitute and her real father was the father of one of our classmates.
she and said classmate (supposedly her half-brother) were madly in love but they could never be together because of said blood relation. This is very convenient considering that this guy dated a couple of other girls but never her.
she borrowed a CD of mine and when I asked for it back, she said her car's CD changer was broken. When I was in her car next, it was working, but the CD was not there. She said she'd taken the car to get the CD changer fixed and they determined it couldn't be, so they removed it, put in a new one, and crushed the old one before she could stop them, destroying my CD.
Person 2 (a couple years after I graduated college) said the following:
srock510 · 1 points · Posted at 21:24:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Late to the party and not me but my father. Anyway there's this old man in the little town my father was born. He told at the bar that when he was in the army there was this new aircraft model that exploded anytime someone tried to fire a missile with it. The reason turned out to be that said aircraft was so fast that it would reach the missile almost immediately after the missile was fired...
BernieForWi · 1 points · Posted at 21:24:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he drove his dirtbike all of the way to Jamaica where he smoked a lot of weed (I live in the US), his dad was famous and bought him a Lamborghini, and his brothers were Flosteradomus and he helped perform at concerts with them.
This was all in high school.
Vladmiris · 1 points · Posted at 21:27:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Guy down the hall from me sophomore year of college was from Chicago. He told me he knew Oprah and was dating her niece? cousin? back home. This was while he was trying to hook up with an OK looking girl at our school (who ended up having a thing for me). He also knew various members of the 'Chicago Mob' and was routinely invited over to Oprah's home which was on the top floor of one of the skyscrapers downtown. He was also red haired, fat and drank buttermilk straight from the bottle.
xadjack · 1 points · Posted at 21:28:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That 'Sex Is On Fire' was written about them, because they have cold hard evidence: a tattoo with flames around a skull. Flames. I mean. Come on guys. Flames. Fire. Sex is on. I mean it's gotta be true right?
chaosthebomb · 1 points · Posted at 21:28:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My 450lb coworker climbed a mountain last weekend.
Footmix · 1 points · Posted at 21:30:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A kid back in high-school always said a great white shark bit his knuckles off... only his knuckles. Needless to say there were no scars but that's because he got "really expensive surgery"
ShaneDAWS0N · 1 points · Posted at 21:30:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He told me he was in Iraq before I went there. His timeline didn't add up because there's no way he completed his training and was able to deploy before I met him.
He never mentioned going there until 5 years later when I was talking about Iraq. He said he was a POW for 3 months. All false!
AgentInfinity1 · 1 points · Posted at 21:31:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Let's see, they designed the Empire State Building (despite being 10 years old), he and his father built a 5 star private jet out of random scraps, he owns a tree mutant and much much more!
LameTogaParty · 1 points · Posted at 21:32:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My mom telling me that she didn't kiss the guy she was "hanging out" with at the bar I worked at when I was watching her while coming out of the kitchen
Lord_of_Bass · 1 points · Posted at 21:32:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Within half an hour of meeting a girl she proclaimed to my brother and I that she could
Such bullshit
crazycatlady42 · 1 points · Posted at 21:32:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend back in the day who I was certain was a pathological liar. I saw this thread and decided to verify some information before posting only to find out she was telling the truth the whole time. My mind is blown.
OGtrashpanda · 1 points · Posted at 21:32:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Went to high school and ran on the cross country and track teams with this girl who was a pathological liar.
She once "ran the Disneyland Marathon" and got an incredibly fast time. She brought the newspaper to school with her the next day to show everyone she won her age group, etc. I looked at her splits online because I thought it was BS (she was NOT a good 5k runner, no way she could run a marathon in 3:22:00). She only had splits starting at mile 14. Strange right? So I casually ask her mom about it at out next meet. The mom says, "Marathon?? No, I dropped her and her grandfather off at the halfway point and they ran from there!"
I told our entire team. She was real mad at me. Oh, well.
idadah · 1 points · Posted at 21:34:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy told me, when he was in Lebanon (he lives in Sweden) he was riding a jetski "downhill" while lighting a cigarette. And bunch of other bullshit stories from his visits to Lebanon during summer.
bubby0169 · 1 points · Posted at 21:34:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That she loved me
r0botdevil · 1 points · Posted at 21:35:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One of my roommates in college used to tell me that he was in my classes. It was a very strange choice of things to lie about because:
Obviously I know you're not in my classes. I've never seen you there, and when pressed you don't know any of the material or even the professor's name, and
You stand to gain literally nothing by telling this lie, even if I were to somehow believe you.
It honestly confused the hell out of me, but I guess that's how compulsive liars are.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:35:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There were many but the worst was telling us he got recruited to play football at Chico despite the fact that 1. He is not even on the Varsity football team, 2. Chico doesn't have a football team.
ShaneDAWS0N · 1 points · Posted at 21:35:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Gets bored at the gym so just curls 135 pounds for no reason.
CaptainFalcon206 · 1 points · Posted at 21:37:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he lost his virginity on top of mount fuji...when he was 16.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:37:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy told me once that a lot of the writing decisions for Steven Universe were because of him. He said he was friends with the writers, and that they would base writing decisions on "what would ____ say?"
This guy lived in Milwaukee, and wasn't in the animation industry in any way shape or form. He was a filmmaker, whose senior thesis was an "in progress reel" because his hard drive crashed and he didn't bother to back up his work.So he just scrambled what he could salvage and showed people "the making of". Of an unfinished film. Yet could somehow back up hours of anime and Japanese TV shows.
There was a slew of other lies too. How an ex girlfriend sucked him off in the public of a movie theater, how he had to escape out the back door onto the fire escape because another girl's parents were coming home. Another story was about how he went to ACEN, and met many famous people and had lots of wacky sexual misadventures. How he flirted and made out with cos-players who just happened to be his favorite girl characters. Only to be outed by his entire group later on(convention goers usually go in groups to reduce room costs, and hang out and help each other) who refuted his claims cause they'd been hanging out the whole time. 5 against 1 basically.
The sad thing is, as compulsive of a liar as he was, he wasn't actually cruel or manipulative. He was really kind, supportive, and friendly, and would genuinely go out of his way for others. Definitely not a sociopath ether, as he was very clearly capable of empathy, having a pet cat and family members he adored and was a natural hugger.
It became really clear to me that lying was a defense mechanism. That he was ashamed of himself and was trying to make his life seem more appealing and interesting cause he couldn't deal with real life.
But instead of going into therapy, he chose to retreat to a dream world, where things worked out for him. Real life was hard for him so he chose fantasy. It was actually really sad.
kragnor · 1 points · Posted at 21:37:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My brother, hard on time due to being a drug addict and felon, started working for my older brother who thought he deserved a chance. He does air brushing and makes signs and silk screens shirts. He was obviously doing the shirts.
Well, one day at the shop, while working ( there were a few other employees as well.) Everyone took a break. So, he went back in to go to the bathroom and in reality stole a 100$ bill from another employee.
My brother confronted him about it due to there being video surveillance of the action taking place.
This happened almost a year ago and to this day denies these actions.
This is how he is anytime he is around and shit goes missing. My xbox 360, my samsung tablet, two of my phones, and a literal fuckton of my dad's tools. He is the only one with reason to steal and stuff only disappears when he is around. Its fucked up. Always tells huge stories about being out at odd hours or gone for days at a time.
In fact, just the other day, he pursuaded my mother to bail him out of jail so he could go to rehab. He decided to not go and instead skip town to live in some heroin house. So, yeah.
znx26 · 1 points · Posted at 21:39:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
You guys should've disowned like if he was gay, and tell him to never come back.
kragnor · 1 points · Posted at 22:13:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh, i agree. Honestly. Its just really hard to do is all. Its not hatred we feel towards him, its a very resentful pity cause he doesnt seem to realize how shit his life is going to turn out when he burns all his bridges
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:38:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Michael Jackson used the bathroom at my buddy Chunk's house. Or maybe it was Michael's sister.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:39:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have a friend who did this all the time. But the one I remember the best is this one. He started skateboarding, he came over to my house with this rather cheap board (€60, a decent one is €100, mine is at least) and he was practicing his kickflips, at which he didn't even get close to. Then he told me he got sponsored by the local skateshop. 10y/o me was impressed of course, he then showed me some stickers, which he most likely got with this board. I asked him what tricks he could do, and he could only do a really sloppy Ollie. Oh yeah, and someone from the skate shop saw him skating at the park and he asked him. 10y/o me was impressed though.
TL;DR: Friend told me he got skateboard sponsored by doing Ollie's on flat ground.
NB0608sd · 1 points · Posted at 21:40:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That his wife is a multi millionaire
Oddly enough every time that I ask him about it, her net worth exponentially increases
yoyodude58 · 1 points · Posted at 21:41:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
H
walkeronline · 1 points · Posted at 21:41:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Met him while playing ingress, maybe he might see this.
Told me he was a Minecraft developer who just got back from notch's place oversees.
Claimed he was out submitting portals (ingress) in the dark on his bike, in an area where there was nothing.
Told a pretty crazy convincing story about how a cop shook him down, dropped a bunch of stuff out of his bag, breaking a laptop and camera. The court date was held less than a week later, where he won. Courts do not work that way.
At one point, I confronted him about it, and he finally said, yeah, it's all lies.... And then continued to lie about nothing scenarios to a group of people all the time. He was just super socially awkward.
chrismakestv · 1 points · Posted at 21:41:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Girl in junior hs was on a weekend trip and ended up having to share a hotel room w a guy family friend. They fucked. She found out she was pregnant. She had an emergency abortion. Monday she was telling the story at school.
brjohns994 · 1 points · Posted at 21:41:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A friend of mine was always getting fired from jobs. He had a different excuse every time. My favorite one is that he sold (at 7-11) someone an expired candy apple, and the customer broke a tooth and sued the store, and since he sold it to her, he was the fall guy. I eventually found out from someone else he was telling everyone he worked with he was going to quit, so the boss just fired him.
pezzshnitsol · 1 points · Posted at 21:41:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Whenever I want to leave somewhere early I tell them I have to go let my dog out...
Crooked_Crotch · 1 points · Posted at 21:41:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I used to work at a small bank in South Florida which catered to the elderly folks in retirement homes nearby. The customers would often come to hang out in our lobby, drinking free coffee and talking with our security guard, Alan. He was an older man himself, and loved to tell these people the most amazingly ridiculous stories I've ever heard. My favorites that I can recall include:
• He claimed he was a prize winning boxer, a professional model, and fighter pilot in his youth. • He once had a snake that hung around his house, which he managed to talk into moving away so that he wouldn't be forced to kill it. • He also had a raccoon problem for a while, and said he would find footprints at the bottom of his pool. • He taught his dog to read so it could bring him his prescription bottles. • His wife only had one leg, but they would still go out dancing. • He would frequently pop into his personal plane to fly a few states away to have dinner.
nliausacmmv · 1 points · Posted at 21:42:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I worked with someone who just refused to use her work email and came up with the most ridiculous excuses for it. Like, she went to the extent of having her own email set up in her house, and apparently the security on it was horrible, and she was pretty much at the top of the company so there was some secret stuff there. She said that the people before her did that but that wasn't true so she said that it was allowed but that wasn't true so she said that nothing secret was there but that wasn't true so she said that nothing was secret at the time but that wasn't true either.
No, wait, shit I'm thinking of the person most likely to be the next President. I meant to mention the guy that just stole stuff where I worked and really pissed me off because I helped him get that job.
gateface970 · 1 points · Posted at 21:42:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My (at the time) best friend told me that she didn't remember the two weeks she was swapping nudes with my (at the time) boyfriend. She claimed she was purposely overdosing on her medicine every night so she could forget stuff going on in her life. According to her, she must have sent them during that period, then immediately deleted them the next morning. She went on to elaborate on the medication she was taking, the circumstances around it, and a ton of other details. I called bullshit almost immediately.
NorikosCookies · 1 points · Posted at 21:42:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Guy I went to college with claimed that he was ENTIRELY colour blind, he saw everything in black and white.
Then, when he came back after the summer break, told everyone about how he'd had surgery to restore his colour vision. After they finished the surgery they kept him in an entirely colour free room where, over the course of 24 hours, they gently showed him every colour in existence on a screen in a slow rotation so his brain wouldn't explode when he went out into a colourful world.
I shit you not, people believed this.
bryanzera · 1 points · Posted at 21:42:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Claimed he shot a bear with a potato gun to scare it away moments after I had to explain to him what a potato gun was and how it worked.
NotYourAsshole · 1 points · Posted at 21:42:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dude said he got a trashed corvette from a junk yard, totally rebuilt everything, then sold it for $60k. Guess he didn't understand how salvage titles work. He was also broke as fuck and lied about shit relating to his finances as well.
The_Noobiest_Noob · 1 points · Posted at 21:42:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He told me that he had a girlfriend in Egypt and had helped Notch create Minecraft. He also said that he programmed FNAF and that the real creator was "stealing his credit".
sbf699 · 1 points · Posted at 21:44:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Once he told me that his family practiced traditional Viking funerals....the ones with the burning pyres and shit.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:44:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My old ex was always making up huge lies
She had a twin sister who was murdered by her real dad and that she was adopted
She was raped in broad daylight in her own room
She could see ghosts that followed her, and when she was young she could move stuff with her mind
And the best one was that she had heart cancer that was cured by experimental tea
She had quite the imagination
LindtClassicRecipe · 1 points · Posted at 21:45:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My grandmother once told my father that she invented the internet and taught the US Postal Service how to use it
FrozenWafflesOP · 1 points · Posted at 21:45:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Late to the party but here goes anyway.
Kid I work with, let's call him Travis.
Travis is 17, and at this job only because his grandpa and uncle both work there. About a month into him working with me, he comes in for his shift with a huge fat lip. Totally freaked me out and I asked what happened. He told me and our supervisor that while he was walking home from school, he was getting followed by someone, and after several blocks of this he turned and told the guy to go fuck himself. Which apparently set the guy off and they got into a brawl on the sidewalk. According to Travis, the fat lip was the worst thing he got, while he "Beat the shit" out of the other guy, who was supposedly 22 years old and like 220 pounds.
Not only did he tell myself and a supervisor that, but he told a new girl that had begun working there a similar story, but also added to her that the guy had a knife and got arrested afterwards.
Later that night another new guy came up to me and asked what bullshit I had heard from Travis. I told him the story he gave us, and he said to me: "Yea Travis is full of shit, he told me yesterday he had a pimple on his lip that got infected".
He still doesn't know that we know.
mastermajora · 1 points · Posted at 21:46:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I guy I worked with said he ate a whole Buffalo
phroek · 1 points · Posted at 21:46:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Used to be friends with a guy who would compulsively tell me and my best friend two different stories about something, never stopping to think that we talk about everything and would quickly discover the lie.
So I don't have a crazy story to tell here, but it is amusing to wonder just what people like that are thinking when they lie SO BADLY and obviously. But it's a great way to push people away if you aren't into keeping your friendships.
x-soldierside-x · 1 points · Posted at 21:46:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It was SPOOKY GHOST.
Epwydadlan1 · 1 points · Posted at 21:47:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Went to a catholic HS, in religion class we went around and had to say something we were praying for that class, her grandma or grandma died every week. Her parents had divorced and remarried, so technically she had 8 grandparents, but after a few months of this, she realized we had caught on to the fact she was lying, so she starter reading the obituaries and found people around our age and claimed they were her friends... this continued for all of HS.
MrVilliam · 1 points · Posted at 21:48:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was playing a show (electric guitar in a band) and wanted him to come. He promised he'd make it. Afterward, when he didn't come or even bother saying he couldn't make it, he was like "oh man, it's so crazy. I went in at 5am and at about noon, my boss had a stroke, so I had to fill in and run the store until 11pm"
Motherfucker was a part time grocery store cashier.
Admiral_Apricot · 1 points · Posted at 21:48:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My ex always talked about all of her fake family members who were, all of them, both gay and on the autism spectrum. Also tried to tell me we were actually cousins even though we were secretly together. Also innumerable diseases she claimed to have, and once said she tried to kill herself the night before, and had a little papercut on her neck. Also claimed to have 2-4 children on the spectrum, one of which "died." Also thought she was literally an angel of god and believed in astral projection, which allowed me to "talk" to the fake family members.
Yeah... she was and is seriously mentally unwell and I am not assertive at all
alabamdiego · 1 points · Posted at 21:49:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Damn, mine aren't nearly as crazy as some of these. Just that she was in the circus for a while, a trapeze artist. Girl is straight up out of shape, and I have never, ever seen anything that would lead me to believe that shit was true.
Piepaws · 1 points · Posted at 21:50:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
We were about 7 years at the time I believe so of course no sane adult would tell these lies and legit believe people would fall for it. Some of the lies included: "I am a millionaire, my whole room is filled with money!" "I have a farm in my back yard. It's filled with cows, chickens, sheep and pigs." "I own a chainsaw and a gun" I told him to bring the chainsaw and gun to school, of course he kept saying "I forgot" haha. And the money and farm? Magically disappeared!
MissMeganHaley · 1 points · Posted at 21:51:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My cousin told me she was allergic to onions, but only if they were cooked.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:51:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I live with one, she's insane. My step sister, my second time meeting her, openly brought up in conversation to me AND my boyfriend about how she's has three miscarriages, and just shrugged it off and laughed. Then I was later told by her how she can't get pregnant because of a health issue she has. This is one of the many lies I've caught her in. It's constant and she does it for sympathy and attention.
AndyVale · 1 points · Posted at 21:51:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In 2001 I was 13. A kid in one of my classes told us all that his Dad worked for SONY, and had bought him a Playstation 4.
The PS2 had very recently come out, so even the PS3 would be an unimaginable stretch.
When people asked to come and play on it, he said it was upstairs and guests weren't allowed upstairs.
I think he was lying.
Zkr0felZ · 1 points · Posted at 21:52:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
An old classmate said he puked for 10 min constantly, no stopping to breath whatsoever. Good job holding his breath for that long don't you think?
TheVoicesSayHi · 1 points · Posted at 21:53:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My aunt's ex husband.
Oh where to start?
So first off he claimed he had to leave Puerto Rico and can never go back because he punched his pregnant teacher in the stomach and she lost the baby. We tried explaining that as a us territory if you're wanted there they will take you back but no...
Then in the army he was "black ops" and proved this with records that had "special forces trained" printed on them. My aunt believed this because she saw his "maroon beret"....we live next to Fort Bragg, home of the 82nd airborne division.....they all wear maroon covers.
His army stories were all taken wholesale from movies and he'd tell stories of the same incident more than once but forget which party he played so for example in one story he'd be John Wayne the next Robert Mitchum
CKtheFourth · 1 points · Posted at 21:53:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
During a hurricane, another guy in my dorm (we're both freshmen at this point), said he went outside & a rock had hit him on the head, and he fell unconscious.
1) no scar, 2) he ain't dead--that shit doesn't happen like it does in movies, & 3) there was not ONE window broken on the campus. So the wind picks up a rock big enough & fast enough to knock you out, but no trees, rocks, sticks, debris, touch a single other thing?
Dude was a weirdo.
EDIT: Wait, I have another.
Another guy in college--separate incident. He tried to tell us that he had gone to the doctor when he was home over break. The doctor said that he was an anomaly because he "had adrenaline coursing through his veins at all times." He told us that the doctor told him that he was basically superhuman. One of my other friends looks at him and says, "It sounds like you might have Addison's Disease. You should go to another doctor..."
CamHartman · 1 points · Posted at 21:53:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he was living Florida, and flew to school every morning. We lived in Pennsylvania, but he was adamant that he was flying every single day from Florida to the airport near our school.
teeg-o · 1 points · Posted at 21:53:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was a bad liar in high school. I didn't do a 'personal narrative' report until the last minute. I based the whole thing off of Columbia's part in Time Warp. But the dramatic twist was when I was robbed at gunpoint toward the end of the story, due to my losing track of time and being in the city very late at night. Luckily the snake of a guy in a pick-up truck had been following me around and came to the rescue. When my teacher asked if it was a real story I said it was.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:54:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well the thing is, i can't stop lying.
NickDSavage · 1 points · Posted at 21:54:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I guarantee you there are compulsive liars lying about liars lying
norms0028 · 1 points · Posted at 21:54:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A girl at school told me her boyfriend raped her and taped it. None of it happened. She also told me she took a test and the teacher ripped it up in front of her and threw it out and said she would tell her parents she never came in and took it. There was a lot more.
Zkr0felZ · 1 points · Posted at 21:54:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He said that his car had a straight V8, we told him how that would be impossible but he was convinced that he had that engine in his car
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:55:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Friend once told me he was close friends with members of the Ukrainian mafia. He also insisted that he could walk through people's dreams, manipulate emotions by touch, and fuck around with balls of energy either through the air or via crystals. That only scratches the surface, unfortunately.
I'd like to add that he was the nicest guy you could ever know and he genuinely cares about everyone, but god damn did he sound ridiculous.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:55:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My aunt has repeatedly told some ridiculous story about this trip to the airport that she swears took her 12 minutes. Her house is, at absolute best, 40 minutes away from the airport. With no traffic and all green lights, there's still no conceivable way it can be done semi-legally. But still she swears by it. 12 minutes.
Ajyress · 1 points · Posted at 21:55:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know a guy who called a local radio 2 weeks ago to tell he is the one who won 3 millions of euros at euromillion cash game. If you dont believe me : http://pleinair.net/actualites-regionales-mobile/item/62728:villers-le-lac-le-gagnant-du-loto-est-un-mythomane
Rahbeen · 1 points · Posted at 21:56:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Swedens biggest compulsive liar
EDIT: Oops, Eng subs wasnt very high quality.
alyssarcastic · 1 points · Posted at 21:58:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There's a girl I went to high school with who's my friend on Facebook. She's always told the most ridiculous stories, including:
Those are just the ones that stand out in my mind, but I'm sure I could think of more examples if I tried hard enough. One of the most annoying things to me is that no one ever calls her out on anything.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:58:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
After a night out in town me and my friends all got separate taxis back home. Friend told us that her taxi driver fell asleep at the wheel, which meant she had to lean over to steer the car while trying to also wake him up which took him a couple of minutes... But didn't want to complain to the taxi company because he didn't charge her.
Mannnick · 1 points · Posted at 22:00:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had a guy at work tell me he killed a man by punching through a wall and ultimately through a man's chest. His superpunch was needed in order to save a baby.
Plsci · 1 points · Posted at 22:01:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Kid said he was the POTUS with a straight face and insisted until he was eventually expelled (not for the lie, though certainly for his issues). He said it was all secret and he flew back to "the government" at night. W. was president then, so maybe the kid did 9/11. This was in I think 4th grade. He was actually older and had been held back a year I think, and holy shit he was violent, and to the point where policing it became impossible for teachers. I'm sure I was choked by him multiple times. Eventually he was monitored by someone with some sort of special training for much of the day, but not enough of it. He affirmed he was indeed the president in front of this guy once. Even said the guy was his guard. I just sort of looked at the guy and he looked back like the saddest man on Earth. It was weird. He just didn't say anything or react really. Looking back I wonder if he didn't because he thought we were bullying him by trying to force that confrontation. Rationally I can see how his day to day school life was much like being bullied, because his behavior would bring a reaction like that out in anyone, but he was also the bully. My other theory is that rejecting his lies essentially brought out his violence, and the guy didn't want to poke the hornets nest. Unfortunately I just can't remember every occasion he was violent and what was said to make any correlation. I never gave it this much thought as a kid really - just knew I didn't like him. I nearly (well, not really. I thought I would be wrongly) ended up in trouble for pushing him over to stop him from hitting my younger brother just after school once. Instead when I went into the principles office the next day I was treated very nicely. Clearly the kid had MANY such other offenses, and they knew my story to be true at once. He said I started it all of course. That wasn't what ultimately got him expelled. Probably took many such events to do it. I think in order to expel him he needed to really hurt someone, but the kid was rather fragile. He had what I call zombie strength. A sort of primal rage where you could tell he was giving it EVERYTHING, but it just wasn't quite enough to really hurt anyone without hurting himself. He could cause pain for sure, but never draw much blood or really injure. Must've done it sooner or later though. I can't honestly remember why or when, but he was definitely "expelled" or at least sent to a much more specialized school for his needs. Vast number of other lies too. I can't even begin to list them. Every crazy thing you can think a 4th/5th grader with issues would imagine to impress or threaten other kids, he probably said it at some point.
CannonEyes · 1 points · Posted at 22:02:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In highschool one of my friends had an exchange student from Germany stay with her (we're in Canada). You fill out an application and the exchange agency tries to set you up with a good match. However, this girl lied on her application and she ended up being the exchange student from hell. Some of the lies she told us when she was here:
-She was a model back in Germany, but couldn't show you any of her model shots (no offence but she wasn't particularly attractive) -She told us she had cancer right before coming to Canada, and that's why her stomach sometimes hurt -She told me that my friend's brother tried to makeout with her and touched her boobs in the hot tub even though she said no. I told my friend and her brother and he said they had never even been in the hot tub together before, and he certainly didn't try to kiss her ever -She told the exchange agency that my friend's family was starving her and would only feed her 6 bananas per week.
My friend exchanged to the agency all of the bullshit that went on and they were thankfully able to find her a new host family when she went to Germany.
LessThanJake_Plummer · 1 points · Posted at 22:03:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In high school, my friend tried telling our group of friends that, at a young age, he was shot by a machine gun during a drive-by. However, there were no scars as his wounds completely healed. And he actually expected us to believe it.
hellerzin · 1 points · Posted at 22:03:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Damn I'm late for the party, but whatever, I have a strong story on a compulsive liar.
When I was a teenager I had a girlfriend, and she lied about a shit ton of stuff. Starting with lame excuses for not meeting me while she was getting drunk and god knows what, it went a lot further than that.
One time we were going to the movies, she bailed and I said fuck it, I'll go anyway. Later that night I start receiving texts from her. She said a friend of hers took a picture of me with another girl at the movies, but she refused to look because she trusted me. I was completely by myself, dressed as a lame ass emo teenager that doesn't get any puss, and even upset because she couldn't make it. She only admitted the lie 2 years later. Don't ask how I managed to keep it for so long, I wouldn't know how to answer. Eventually we broke up.
Oh and there is another one! We broke up on April, and on December I received a call from my mom telling me that my ex had a child, and it was mine. I didn't know about any pregnancy, and my ex claimed she also didn't.
1 year later my mom told me she overheard my ex talking to an aunt that also just had a child about belly button piercings. My aunt had one, and needed to get it removed due to her growing belly. My ex told her she also needed to remove hers.
Now I have a healthy and strong kid, but it worries me to wonder from what depths of hell someone manages to hide a pregnancy, lie to EVERYONE around her about it, and keep living with it.
I never confronted her about it, and probably never will.
hmscoachhardin · 2 points · Posted at 22:49:46 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I hate to be the buzzkill after all that, but was a DNA test done?
hellerzin · 1 points · Posted at 01:00:19 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Don't worry, I get asked that a lot, it's cool. So I haven't done it yet, but I will. Actually I don't know exactly what would I do if the test turned out negative. My family has already grown incredibly fond of the boy, and I would hate to change that. In any way. I have strong indications that he is mine, but I should really do it. Specially after re-reading all I wrote above.
Thanks for asking, really
hmscoachhardin · 2 points · Posted at 13:29:10 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Let us know how that turns out. If anything, for your own sanity. If the child isn't yours, you can still have an impact in the life of this child.
hellerzin · 1 points · Posted at 17:05:22 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I will, thanks for worrying! I have talked to my brother about this, and he said the most important thing isn't wether the kid is really mine or not, but his relationship with my family. It makes sense to me.
hmscoachhardin · 1 points · Posted at 14:07:30 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
True, but if the child is not yours, then you have been deceived.
hellerzin · 1 points · Posted at 15:32:00 on June 25, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah, not only me but my whole family as well. Still, it won't affect how much I love the boy, only how I think about his mother
PoliticalTheater101 · 1 points · Posted at 22:03:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The biggest lie that I can remember from this person was that she had cervical cancer. Said it ran in her family and high mortality rate. She had her "surgery" and two weeks later told me that it turned out to be a dead fetus that got stuck in a fallopian tube. So she basically tried to insult my intelligence telling me that her doctor didn't know the difference between a pregnancy test and a cancer screening.
randomfloof · 1 points · Posted at 22:05:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Girl I used to work with said she'd had cancer and nearly died. Said her hair was a wig because of chemo. Oh, and she'd also been in a horrific car crash that killed her fiancé. She claimed to have been a paratrooper in the military and that she broke both of her legs on a bad jump and spent 6 months in a wheelchair. She might have gotten away with it....if not for the fact that the owner of the company was a former oncologist and sniffed out herbullshit afterabouttwo seconds.
insane_diver · 1 points · Posted at 22:05:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy on my construction job informed that his parents where international spies, and his wife was pretty much a ninja. Scary part was that he really seemed to believe himself. This was a 53 year old as well, not some kid.
ShaneDAWS0N · 1 points · Posted at 22:05:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Told people his grandma lived in California and she was about to give him an early inheritance and he'd have over $57,000. He convinced people to give him money because he'd be able to pay them back soon... He might as well said he was a Nigerian Prince.
Would deposit money from his work into the bank. One day the deposit didn't go through at the bank. He told me he deposited the money but the bank ran out of printed receipts so they didn't give him one. He left to "talk with the bank about the missing $800+. It was complete BS he obviously tried to steal the money but failed. The bank would have hand written a receipt if they ran out of printing receipts
He would often get new cell phones from different companies. Had a sprint phone then verizon, then tmobile, then at&t. Every couple months he would get a new phone. He told me that he keeps finding good deals on the phones. I knew he wasn't paying the bills because I saw a bill in his car for Verizon that was over $500.
Got fired from his job for texting a co-worker instead of calling. The work policy was "no texting other co-workers" the thing was the girl he texted was a girl I knew quite well and she told me that he threatened to fire her if she didn't give him a blowjob. She screencapped the texts and sent them to his boss and was insta-fired.
When he was 19 he had sex with a 17 year old and got a rape charge. He said she was 2 weeks from turing 18. Turns out he actually raped her and he is a registered sex offender.
Has a 9 year old (got his girlfriend, different girl, pregnant after the whole rape thing). He hasn't seen his kid in 3 years but claims the mother is making it difficult for him to see her. He said he is just going to wait until she is 18 and start fresh with his daughter. In actuality he's just lazy and isn't trying to see his child
Got the lead role in the Phantom of the Opera but the week before the casting roles were announced he decided it wasn't for him and "quit"
Was a dance instructor for a big college and they'd pay him $800/night to teach ballroom dancing. And if he worked in sundays they would double his pay so he was making $3400 in a week doing about 6 hours of work. Tuesdays thursdays and sundays. (MY favorite lie of his)
(2007) He once was selling flat screen TVs by the pallet making tons of cash.
Slept with the hot girl from the gym. I asked her about him and she said she thought he was creepy and has no idea how he knows so much about her.
Sells cars and sells 30+ cars a month and makes $12,000 a month with his commission.
Built a $2500 liquid cooled PC when I asked to see it he said he just sold it for $4000 to a guy off craigslist.
Comment below if you want to hear more.
laminatedpicture · 1 points · Posted at 22:05:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My brother is notorious for this, and it has caused several huge divides between us:
He had everyone in his life, including our family, convinced that he had lukemia and only months to live. This was two years ago, and he's still fine. I knew better than to believe him, because he's always been a compulsive liar, but he even went so far as to have people drop him off and pick him up at the hospital for "chemotherapy". He's perfectly fucking healthy and does not have cancer. When I called him out on this, he was really embarassed and took serious offense to it.
He once called my cousin and said that he was in the hospital with his stepsister, who was in labor. She called me on Skype with him on speaker, and I heard the loop of labor and delivery sounds he was playing on the internet. It was blatantly obvious that it was a recording.
Most recently, at about 9am last Sunday, he made a statement on Facebook that four of his friends died at Pulse. Nobody knew the identities of anyone who died yet, not even the families, and he hasn't mentioned a word about it since. His ex partner, who passed away in December, frequented the club, but I know for a fact that he did not know a single person of the 49 who died, let alone four of them.
My brother grew up very lonely (he's my half-brother, and the only child of his mother, who sheltered him), and I honestly think he has a personality disorder, because I firmly believe that he thinks these lies are truths in his head.
CoreJJ · 1 points · Posted at 22:05:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He tried to convince me and 2 friends that he knew a guy that broken in the Buckingham Palace 5 time whilst hammered and once ended up in the queen closet. When she saw him he traded her silence for a bottle of Jack. Yeah right Laberge
Philthy42 · 1 points · Posted at 22:06:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A friend of mine told me I was an asshole because I got really upset when a certain woman we knew turned me down. I kept bugging her and asking her to hang out, until finally she had to block me from both Facebook and her phone.
Those things did happen, except it was him, not me.
He also told a friend of ours that she was cheating on her boyfriend. You read that correctly. I don't know if there's even a term for this kind of lie.
Republiken · 1 points · Posted at 22:06:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Our class mentor and tech teacher in high school was a compulsive liar. But his stories always had a moral to them. Like when one of us asked why we didn't use smoke machines during fire drills he tolds us they used to until one kid got so scared and jumped out of the window from the second floor thinking it was a real fire.
But then again, some stories didn't have a moral to them at all. Like that time he told us he used to be a double agent during the cold war, and a submarine captain or those two different times he had to rescue his burning veteran motor car by lifting the expensive engine out of it before it blew up.
NeverJinxTheMinx · 1 points · Posted at 22:06:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When i was in elementary school someone tried to convince me they were saiyan. They wouldn't go super saiyan because it puts "strain" on them
hungarianstupidity · 1 points · Posted at 22:07:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I only knew this guy. He told me he loved me. Even he laughed and every other boy in the classroom.
I love my past.
mrtrollaazzer · 1 points · Posted at 22:08:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
A bit late to the party, but i got so many written on my phone from my years in high school, this is our biology teacher, and I studied in an arab country here it is:
-Him and his buddy made space toon's planets (design and sounds and animation).
-Drug dealer at age 20 risked making a gang follow him and kill him.
-Made isreal lose 1.25b because of hacking them but .. He didnt get paid jackshit.
-Hacker at age 15 and he is a spy.
-Used to work at nasa.Sold cellphones. Fixed computers and reprogramming them. Works as a scuba diver. Cashier at a restraunt,Teacher at a university and schools. Prof. Hacker working for the military.
-A guy tried chasing him for 4 years staight because he hacked him but the guy failed because he hacked his neighbour ,soon the man got caught because the teacher complained. Checked and marked 360 papers in one day also made 360 different copies of an exam in one day. On his science fair ministers and famous people came to it. Made an app. Posted it on the app store get 24 downloads per day.
-When he shouts his voice can get louder than an airplane engine.
-Was working hard so he forgot to eat and sleep for two days straight.
-Had an accident in his lab at home with some TNT 20mm worth exploded in his lab because he shacked it too much.
-He is currently 36 yrs old.
-Didn't sleep for 2 days because he "forgot".
-Hacked Microsoft (solo)
-Ate 5 kilo's worth of mansaf by himself (mansaf is rice mixed with meat, usually lamb). His dad survived a sugar rise level of 660. And now he can walk and move normally.
-In the last day of school him and 7 other people lifted the principle's car (a hybrid) and took it behind the school. The principle took 2 days to search for it with the police. He found it in the end. But the police gave the principle a fine because they thought that it was a prank.
-In an appreciation ceremony the principle was giving out certificates and then he got shot and killed by one of the students.
-Him and 8 other people were playing poker and one of them wanted to go to the bathroom. He went and didn't come back so they sent someone to go look for him. Him as well didn't come back so they waited until 1am when they went in they saw their two friends looking at something. Not moving, not saying anything. They turned on the light they saw a bucket in the air pouring water in another bucket. The bucket suddenly fell. They ran away. Never to go back there again.
-He made an app called "teacher cool" it helps teachers with school work. He sold it to google for 1.75k, google uses it on their google play store.
-he said his university had 30 men and 970 women in his class.
-Broke his right hand when he punched right through the door.
-Didn't come to school because he Got paralyzed from taking the wrong medicine. If he drake more he would of gotten put in a coma
EDIT: fixed the format a bit, and I should have u know, these are around 3 years old, I wrote them on my note pad on my phone every time he gives us a new story
KingBooScaresYou · 1 points · Posted at 22:08:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Descendent from jews who were persecuted by the nazis, but also descended from vikings, but lets not forget that they also said they were descended from the romans.
And then theres the one upmanship, admitted I had anxiety problems, they have depression, anxiety, OCD, schizophrenia and i shouldn't be so insensitive to think i have it worse all the time.
Countless countless examples I couldn't even begin to list here
anmccal · 1 points · Posted at 22:09:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He invented a "continuous motion machine", which is an engine which runs on no fuel and continually increases power output. His small prototype powered a rc model car which eventually burst into flames because of the excess power. He declined offers from oil companies who wanted to buy his design because he is "not in it for the money". I decided to not argue with him because he seemed to have convinced himself that he is telling the truth.
Deanosaur12 · 1 points · Posted at 22:09:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Don't wana go to in depth incase he recognises himself on here but I used to work with him and here's a few bare in mind he was about 17 at the time and I was about 22.
*Asked me what's the most women I've slept with at once i said one. Apparently he had slept with 8 at the same time.
*The type of work we did took approx 20 minutes per job. Anyway I finished my job and waited at the van for him and he came back about 5 minutes later than expected. I said "take your time" to which I got a reply of "sorry was just getting a blow job from the lady at that house" even though I saw him walk straight from the house he was working at.
*Both of us working on one large house and I finished my bit and went back to the van to start packing up. He came back a few minutes later put his stuff in the van and got in. Then sort of rubbed his back. Asked him what was up and he claimed he'd just fell off the top of the ladder (approx 20 feet) into his back.Asked him if needed to go to the hospital to which he said nah and carried on working for the rest of the day.
I only worked with him for about 2 weeks or no doubt I'd have more to add.
SlamminAss · 1 points · Posted at 22:09:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This guy told me (and apparently a LOT of other people) he quit this chinese food restaraunt because he found out it was a front for an opium trade and the DEA raided them and held a gun to his and the rest of the employees' head. I already knew it was fake, but I checked the news so I could 100% confidently call him on his bullshit. I live in a small community and something like that DEFINITELY would have made the news, but there was nothing. Later I was talking to the manager of the place and I brought it up and he told me he fired the guy because he was super lazy.
Born_To_Create · 1 points · Posted at 22:09:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My boyfriend's best friend. We'll call him Jim. Well one day we were going to Jim's house to hang out and before we leave my boyfriend calls him to let him know we were on the way. Apparently during the phone call Jim was saying he was in the middle of having sex with a girl. So we get there and Jim's mom lets us in and says he's in his room. We go up and knock on the door, the guy comes out while putting on his shirt and peaks back into the room (door mostly closed) and tells the supposed girl that he would be back. Keep in mind we couldn't see into his room at all. Anyway we go downstairs to hang out for awhile and then my boyfriend goes upstairs to get something from Jim's room and later told me there was no one up there. Nor had Jim mentioned her or who she was at all while we were there. We both knew that he was bullshitting and just wanted to seem cool so we never brought it up.
glibbed4yourpleasure · 1 points · Posted at 22:09:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Husband's friend missed their mutual friend's wedding because of a "kidney stone." He was well enough that night to do some blow at the reception. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Ericellent · 1 points · Posted at 22:09:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Friend said he burped so loud into a phone, a car alarm went off on the receiver's end. This car was down the street, too, for added emphasis. :)
Neuromancerrr · 1 points · Posted at 22:09:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
-told us he had open heart surgery without being put under. Came to our friends house the next day in crushes and told us that" every step he took hurt like he was being stabbed by knives"
-Said that he had a Phd in psychology. The kid lives with his mom.
It gets to the point where you honestly just resent them. Its almost unbearable listening to his BS stories now. You just gotta avoid those people.
Its ironic that they do it out of a deep desire for attention but the effect is the complete opposite. People just start ignoring them and distancing themselves from them. I couldn't imagine being in that mindset where you actually think you can make people believe your stories.
non-earthling · 1 points · Posted at 22:09:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He claimed he wrote a virus that could permanently erase an entire hard drive in a couple seconds. When I asked what language he wrote it in he said "on a mac". He got mad when I explained that it's physically impossible to irretrievably wipe all data on a (conventional) hard drive in a couple seconds using software.
Buck_Thunderpumper · 1 points · Posted at 22:10:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Show a picture of a well known porn star fully clothed and says "that's my wife" and they don't even look similar. No amount of argument, even his wife agreeing with me, would not sway him. To this day he thinks his wife looks like a porn star.
Liviathan · 1 points · Posted at 22:10:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Im late to this party but my coworker is 27 and:
Trained in Japan to be a master of some martial art but didnt go through with it because it meant killing another master
Has two very expensive motorcycles and two nice cars, all either in storage or taken through divorce
Used to ride bulls and live on a huge ranch until a freak accident
Used to be a professional parkourer until again, an accident
Hacked into the CIA for fun and it was easy
Has an ex-wife, an ex-fiance, and a daughter, the ex-wife is dead but has a twin sister or a ghost that came to his extended stay hotel room to haunt/pester him
And thats just the stuff he told me, hes told all kinds of other stories to his coworkers.
the only thing he wont talk about is the fact that he raped a girl and thats why hes on probation and cant drink.
bedpan3 · 1 points · Posted at 22:10:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"I was a starter on my (big 10) university's basketball team." He was maybe 5'3".
My former employer dated a man with the most severe case of Napoleon syndrome ever. Over the course of a year I realized: 1. He did not actually have a high profile job in finance like he said, he just spent her cash to get a series of suits dry cleaned, and made excuses for why he was always just farting around her business all day and night 2. He didn't even have his own car, just drove her sports car around and pretended it was his 3. Made outlandish and generally false or only partly true claims about every subject imaginable, every day 4. Was constantly being agressively sexually inappropriate to female staff, in the most demeaning way possible, and was outed to me by a mutual acquaintance as a closet homosexual.
Underestimate_me · 1 points · Posted at 22:11:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That when he was a 6yo, he went to a birthday party, got really angry and broke everybody there's bones. Unfortunately he was completely serious about the whole thing.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:12:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Friend from high school couldn't stop lying. On our first college break he told us he was pulled over by a female cop while test driving a Ferrari, who let him off with a warning after hitting on him.
x4dm · 1 points · Posted at 22:12:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend who said he was driving through farm country and saw a cow with a rope in its mouth and the same rope going out its butt. He claimed he even took a picture of it. Still haven't seen the picture to this day.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:13:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
They said they stepped on a ptarmigan in Antarctica. I didn't even respond.
Paisley_hippo · 1 points · Posted at 22:13:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Let's see. I have a former roommate that claimed (in his early 20's) to: Own a BDSM club in London, be a member of a band that was famous in the UK, have been in the US Marines, done time in "the sandbox", own houses in Europe, to "practically" have a medical degree, and a bunch of other crazy bullshit. Also, despite being famous and owning all of this stuff, he was homeless in the US and living off my family. Heh. Also, he was creepy as hell and set my Yahoo IM to save my conversations with other people. Which he read. And had the gall to be mad at me for having.
Justice_Man · 1 points · Posted at 22:14:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Probably the time he told us he was attacked by coyotes & survived by punching them all out.
Smellymuggle · 1 points · Posted at 22:14:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My old co-worker. She lied to the entire staff about being pregnant, then one night she said she had to leave her shift early because "she just had a miscarriage in the bathroom."
Being horrified and curious, I went in there to "clean up the mess."
This bitch took a huge, wet, and liquid dump on, and around the toilet and didn't want to clean it up. The worst part is that she came into work the next day like nothing had happened.
I know it was poop because I had to clean that shit up. Still hate her to this day.
mu5t4ng · 1 points · Posted at 22:15:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This guy I used to work with told some big ones.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:15:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He could cut other people's spines out with a pair of scissors
Viako · 1 points · Posted at 22:15:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had a co-worker inform me she and her family went to one of those no fence, walk-through Safari parks. Claims she has a photo of her son holding a bear cub, while its mother stood by. All I could do was nod and say "oh, wow."
Raichu7 · 1 points · Posted at 22:15:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That my friend had verbally abused them over the phone until they cried. That phone conversation happen to be on loud speaker while I was sitting next to said friend.
DeystXD · 1 points · Posted at 22:16:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That her fiancée with cancer died at the altar.
Or, same person
Her fiancée (different fiancée) ran away with another girl at the altar.
She's 19/20
Squidcreams · 1 points · Posted at 22:17:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He said he was riding his long board and an old lady ran a stop sign as he was crossing the street. He hit the car so hard he broke through her windshield and was on her lap. The left side of his face is now droopy. Been a year and he still says he can't feel his face.
He also said his roommates kicked him out because they didn't like him. No it was because he jacked off so much into condoms and threw them under his bed which created a disgusting smell throughout the house and he wouldn't do anything about it.
ICanWittleALittle · 1 points · Posted at 22:18:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He had gears of War 6 months before it came out... in Japanese.
He rolled 100 blunts in 15 minutes.
He's smoked a pound of weed in one day with only 2 other friends
He only ever loses his jobs because he works too hard
He was at a concert and picked a 300 pound man up over his head, and then held him up by the neck
He can drink 3 jugs of captain Morgan to himself in one night
marrymejordain · 1 points · Posted at 22:19:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Used to play in a cover band, and I was responsible for singing when we played Voodoo Chile. He one day informed me that I had been singing the song wrong all along, because since it was spelled "Chile" as opposed to "Child" it was pronounced "CHILL-ee."
Lethroblacken · 1 points · Posted at 22:19:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
She was pregnant with triplets. Then one baby ate the other two and she couldn't live with a cannabolistic baby in her, so she got an abortion. I still can't believe it.
porcupineriver · 1 points · Posted at 22:20:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What if this whole thread is full of impulsive lies?!? This damn lying thread of compulsive liars compulsively lying to compulsive liars! I don't believe any of you!
faceoftheancients · 1 points · Posted at 22:21:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm late to the party, but this bro I used to work with once heard a story from my friend who a week or two later proceeded to tell it back to my friend as if the story had happened to him. This guy eventually got fired for stealing
gemsergio · 1 points · Posted at 22:21:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had an Italiano friend named Luca in San Diego who would tell those incredibile stories and I think he was really mentally ill. One of the good One was that One day he showed me his necklace, he said he was the best friend of Pablo Escobar and when he was dying he toom it off and gave it To him as a final gift. He almost cried while telling the Story and we were crying as well laughing in his face. He had a scaricare on his left part of the abdomen and he would say a differenti Story everytime. The One I like the best was that it was bitten by a white shark in Florida or the One wheb he was racing in F1. Crazy guy.
SockFlop · 1 points · Posted at 22:22:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My ex husband said he recognized my face and the man's dick in a short, maybe 30 second, potato quality, video on a 1.5inch flip. And the video came from one of his friends, and I can call him if I want to confirm.
Context: after we broke up he was still doing crazy possessive stuff like looking through my phone. I was still living with him for a while because we decided it was best to stay friends and he needed my vehicle to get to work. We had casual sex but as much as he tried to hide it I know we were both banging others casually as well. I didn't care, because we are going through a divorce, he did because "I only love you even if it didn't work out" bullshit.
Well I left my phone alone in the bathroom for a while. Once I realized it was not on me I knew he looked through it. As soon as I go back to retrieve my phone I go into the bedroom and he is acting weird so I wait till he spills it because I know the lie is coming. A friend had sent me the crapy pixelated shaky video he took off me giving him head. Can't see anything but the hair on the top of my head part of my nose and maybe my lips on few a frames. The video was bad. Before smart phones bad. Didn't even have a full cock pic it in for obvious reasons. I thought maybe he was going to admit looking through my phone but ohhh nooooo can't make himself look bad and crazy nooooo! He asked me if I ever cheated on him during our marriage. I said no. Then he says that his friend sent him a video that is going all around town and someone recognized it as me with my friend and sent it to him to confirm. And he pulls up the vid on his shit phone asking Me if I want to see it. And I stop him and say "you got that off of my phone. No one in town cares enough about this shit for it to go around town. And like seriously you can't see shit. You were looking through my phone I'm not that stupid." Then he tells me which friend sent it, that recognized me, and I can give him a call right now (knowing I'm not going to). This friend, I have only ever seen him face to face a handful of times so he doesn't actually know me, I know would say anything to make my husband sound nice. I just finished it off like this "We are in the middle of a divorce. What I do after you broke up with me is none of your fucken business, no that video wasn't during our marriage. And if you expect me to believe you're such a saint that has never done wrong you're an idiot. I will not waste my time tracking down where you got this video from because I know where you did and also I don'tcare. Who the Hell are you trying to impress with your lies...what do you want from me?" I did ask my friend if he sent it to anyone by chance and he said "no why would I it's not even a good vid." He said one of his friends did see it but said the same thing and didn't care about it.
My ex is the biggest liar I know. Will lie about the stupidest of things. Even told me jokes from the internet that he would try to pass off as events that occurred to him.
TorbjornKegBreaker · 1 points · Posted at 22:23:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Said he worked for Rockstar and developed GTAV When we asked for proof he showed us at shirt he got off some custom t shirt website which he printed the GTAV logo on and "developer" on the backside.
TheMuffinManEatsPoop · 1 points · Posted at 22:24:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew I kid, good friend, in high school who had IBS and missed about half a year of school. (For most of that time he was at home playing WOW). When he returned to school, he didn't have the heart to tell people he was shitting his brains out for half the year, so he told them that he had ankle cancer. Seemingly harmless, until some students started gathering money for him to help pay for his medical bills. He then had to explain that he was shitting his brains out for half the year.
Figur3z · 1 points · Posted at 22:24:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he was in the Navy as a helicopter mechanic, did a few tours of Afghanistan before leaving and becoming an electrician.
Earned £40 an hour, had just bought a £70k car but still lived at home with his parents and somehow was basically never at work.
TheKharmeleon · 1 points · Posted at 22:26:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend's unemployed mother once told us 100% seriously that she was an astronaut. We were just dead silent and got the hell out of that room as soon as we could. What do you even say to that?
Sirchatcat · 1 points · Posted at 22:26:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Some old friend who I used to work with in it hat Epileptics (is that the right Word?) And stopped his traineeship, he's now very obese and living atvhis mom and plaIng warframe and csgo 24/7. He isnt good in csgo and doesn't know anything about the game, he told me once he unboxed a dragonlore Souvenir Fn with 4 Titan Holos on it from a Winter Case ( the dragonlore is a sniperskin that is worth thousands of real Cash) despite the fact that it's impossible to get a dlore from a Winter case, or having a Souvenir with 4 Titan Holos unboxed, i checked his inventory History and yeah... he is also almost everyday in World Championships in Counterstrike and has beaten most of pro Teams with his Team of 3 people, i can Kind of understand why he is lying, he has no social life and only has his Computer, nothing to tell. Im kinda das for him Edit: feel free to correct my english pls, im not a native speaker
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:27:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
• That his grandfather made the joker design that Justin Bieber used on his album, and he showed Justin the design on a meet and greet.
• He won a fight against 14 guys, alone.
He said many things, those stood out to me though.
You_have_a_butt · 1 points · Posted at 22:28:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He shot three cops on a heroin high and only went to jail for three months.
He did 40 bags of heroin at once and didn't die or o/d.
His friend has a pet rhino, full grown in their back yard.
He got into a car accident and his arm was severed nearly all the way and he cauterized the wound on his own while waiting for an ambulance.
Many more but they were too stupid to remember.
Kilgorington · 1 points · Posted at 22:28:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh man, have I been waiting for this one.
There was this one fat guy who lived in the richer part of town I would see at parties my first year of college:
He claimed he was a 'veteran gangbanger of seven gangs starting with the latin kings (he's white) to the DC blacks, to the Aryan Brotherhood, to the Satan's Desciples (he claimed he used to worship the devil with them too)
*He claimed he was possessed by the devil on his 13th birthday, at an olive garden, and he had to take a giant shit to go back to normal.
*He showed up to a party wearing a black "Security" t-shirt and brought a bb pistol (he got kicked out after he told some girls that it was real)
*He claims he's only attracted to Maxim models and juggalettes
*I caught him at the mall telling a 12 year old girl he used to be a drug dealer (he was 19 at the time)
*He claims he got badass from living in Cicero, Illinois where he joined all his gangs. He said there was one time he got a gun pointed to his head in front of an elementary school during a drug deal gone wrong. He told the dealer "Do it, I'm not afraid to die". Then the gunman lost his nerve, started crying, and ran away.
As you can imagine I live in suburbia.
AtlantisSky · 1 points · Posted at 22:29:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He said he wrote the screenplay for the movie City of Ember but had it stolen from him. This is movie based on a book I doubt he's read or even knows exists.
effinx · 1 points · Posted at 22:29:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He battle rapped Eminem on the radio and won.
kidwhonevergrowsup · 1 points · Posted at 22:29:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This guy started my high school in our final year, and decided that my group of friends was going to be his best friends. It was really quite fun. -He told us that he had once run away with the circus because of the love of his life was a acrobat, and that he was training with her - but now he had forgot how to do the tricks
That he had never been in love before he met one of my best friends, and then a few weeks later he said he was just "infused with her scent"
He said that his mum owned the pub a couple of blocks down from our school and that he could get us free entrance (But he failed to show the date we set to meet)
And the one that really made us laugh,
It ended up with me calling him out on the street due to me being the bull of our group whos not afraid of a fight and later on facebook tell him to suck it up and become a decent human being, and stop lying.
EDIT: Grammar
livingdeadgrrl · 1 points · Posted at 22:31:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ran a marathon, but had to carry an exhausted friend through the last 10 miles (but he did not know his time). Didn't just play basketball in school, he could 'hit the top of the backboard." His uncle knows where Jimmy Hoffa is buried. And so many more.
Dirte_Joe · 1 points · Posted at 22:31:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There was a guy my friend worked with once that was a compulsive liar. My friend loved it because he would come up with the most absurd stories that would liven up the work place. The funniest part was that this guy seriously believed what he was saying.
One of them was that he golfed with Tiger Woods. He said he beat him by 3 strokes, as well as told everyone he's taller than Tiger. This guy is only 5'9" while Tiger is like 6'3".
ToxicPancakes · 1 points · Posted at 22:31:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A female friend:
-Was an MMA fighter until she got pregnant. She was 18 when she got pregnant and couldn't throw a punch to save her life.
-Has lupus. Never took meds and went out partying/drinking all the time (a lupus no no). Panicked and never brought it up again when she learned a friend of mine really does have lupus.
-Infertile due to lupus. Has a 1 y/o baby and claimed to have had at least three abortions. Really, either of these stories can be true and the other false.
-Her brother tried to kill her and got her hooked on cocaine when she was 12. He was then put in jail for it. I asked her mom "why are you inviting him to her babies first birthday?" Long story short: He was never in jail, she insisted she never told me that story, then immediately cut off all contact with me.
Plenty more, I'm sure, I just cant remember all the contradictory things she's said.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:31:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That Trump steak is the best 5 star steak.
I mean come on, why would the best steak be sold at Sharpies?!
Calvincoolidg · 1 points · Posted at 22:32:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Is compulsive lying a mental illness or a kind of addiction?
breezefortrees · 1 points · Posted at 22:32:31 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
An old friend of mine once tried to convince me that most women find abs to be a turn off somehow
Timothy_Claypole · 1 points · Posted at 22:32:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Someone I knew tried to convince me that her half sister was Traci Lords, the porn star.
She wasn't just saying this for kicks, she also swore this was true to her (now ex) husband.
However none of what she said makes any sense.
GeekusMaxmius · 1 points · Posted at 22:32:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Guy living on the floor above me claims he's a former UFC champion.
Yeah - he's not.
itsmistakg · 1 points · Posted at 22:33:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When I was in third grade a friend told me his dad had a television so advanced, it could fast forward live television. His dad made all his money designing the video game Bomberman. And I believed every word.
truejim23 · 1 points · Posted at 22:33:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A little late to the thread but I'd like to add mine the party!
Meet Miss Danielle...
Soul_of_Sectonia · 1 points · Posted at 22:34:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That she was going on a trip in the summer to start her own fashion line in Paris AND was going to attend Yale. Both of these stories came out after someone else in the group was celebrating something good that happened to them. She always had to be the center of attention. Surprise, surpr
Oh and this one guy who claimed he was a lawyer in the UK at the age of 22 and some pro soccer player. Dude's in Pakistan and spent at least 12 hours a day online on a Pokemon site.
cpsbooks · 1 points · Posted at 22:34:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend who was the worst compulsive liar I've met, and I've come across a lot. The worst, in my opinion, is when he lied about having his prestigious war medal (can't remember which) stolen from his car. He somehow got the evening news to do a story on it. He had briefly served in the military as an MP but never went overseas, and definitely didn't receive this medal, as confirmed by his family members. He also claimed to be a marine while he had actually been in the army. He used to put photos "he had taken" in Iraq on his facebook page--these were either stock photos or those that had been published in major periodicals.
mpressive36 · 1 points · Posted at 22:35:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend once told me his dad threw him through a brick wall.
J0K_ · 1 points · Posted at 22:35:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I just got back from Japan and a guy on the tour felt the need to reinvent himself with the following:
Has inherited over 10 million dollars (he wore the same clothes for the entire 2 weeks I spent with him, they smelt horrible)
Was part of the "1%'ers" which is apparently a bikie gang, he got in by fighting the Sgt and taking his jacket off but he didn't want to be a full time member which they were totally cool with because of his fighting skills.
Was covered in tattoos under his clothes but didn't remember he took his shirt off in front of me with none to be seen.
A sniper in the army with many confirmed kills
After our tour which was in Japan he was sneaking into North Korea
Owned some million dollar construction company and was the ''youngest'' construction manager in Australia. My friends brother is a construction manager at 26 years old.. this guy was well in his 30's.
Could speak fluent Japanese though never spoke it or could understand anyone
These are the most memorable but there were way more little lies about all the cool clothes, watches and sunglasses he had at home or how he was a super aggressive business man that would kill or do anything for his company. Honestly he wasn't a bad guy and on the last night he stopped lying and we had a great time without the bullshit. It worries me that people are so unhappy with who they are that they have to go to this extent.
notevil22 · 1 points · Posted at 22:36:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Not only was she a compulsive liar, she was the most annoying person I've ever known (partially because of the compulsive lying). Anyway, this girl joined my high school in my sophomore year, and she was really outgoing and "fake" friendly but lied ALL THE TIME about stupid shit. Her biggest whopper came in my junior year (2006), in which she claimed to own a 2006 Passat. No one had ever seen it, much less seen her drive it, and knowing her and her family, could definitely not afford it (as a 16 year old with no credit). I remember asking about it at her graduation party at her house, because it wasn't in the driveway and I would have assumed she would still own it a year later, and she made up some clearly bullshit story about where it was, I don't remember what she said though. By that point, no one believed anything she said. I think she lied about getting into some prestigious colleges and ended up going to some state school or something. I'm sure there's an explanation for that too.
benbroady · 1 points · Posted at 22:36:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My sisters boyfriend, his stories are so intolerable.. I hate it. Here's some of the things he told me.
The muscles in his back are so strong, they bent a needle a nurse tried to stick in him.
He used to race cars when he was young.
He's been all around the world. I think he might have said every single country?
He's broken a hundred and odd bones in his body.
Can't think of anymore at the moment, I wish I'd written them down.. I get more everytime I see him. He's one of those people, where if you tell a story or say something, he has to one up your story with a fake story of his own, or he has to disagree with you and try to correct you. Even if you're obviously right about something.
Relgabrix · 1 points · Posted at 22:37:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh man. So I had this buddy growing up who was the world's best bullshitter. He's 4 years older than me, so of course 14 year old anime lover me ate this shit up.
Among the stories were his martial arts training in China under a grandmaster every summer, gang wars with his best friend Benny in LA, and yes , gratuitous sex with many many women.
Ultimately he's a good guy who's always been there for me and as I grew up he knew he couldn't get away with bullshitting me anymore so he stopped, but hey. They were entertaining at the time.
Restil · 1 points · Posted at 22:38:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Haven't been friends with him for decades, but was back in the mid 90's, around the time that Congress passed a bill to eliminate the national speed limit and revert that responsibility to the states. It was a much discussed news story at the time, and was also newsworthy because Clinton took a long time to sign it.
My friend, apparently unaware that the law hadn't been passed yet, insisted on a recent visit to Oklahoma that all of the highway speed limit signs now said 75 instead of 65. I have no idea why he chose to tell me that, knowing full well that the signs definitely still said 65, and also knowing I would be travelling there myself in the near future and would very quickly realize the truth.
ManiacFoSho · 1 points · Posted at 22:39:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know a guy who's a bit of an Internet celebrity in the tech world. Easily the biggest liar I've ever met. Everyone knows he lies, too. It's sad, because he's likely compensating for who knows what. He's a funny guy, so if he stopped with the bullshit he'd probably have a lot more friends.
cmanikan17 · 1 points · Posted at 22:39:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend recently told me about how for his graduation ceremony they pulled the 'give the principal a jar of marbles' prank and how everyone was in on it and it was 'sooo hilarious'.
We graduated together. It absolutely did not happen.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:39:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
If you know a true pathological liar they're endlessly fascinating. I can only say I met one honest to goodness pathological one. Among many other things:
On an on...it really never ends. Initially I was angry she lied, later I was just fascinated to see what she'd come up with next. I treated even the most absurd lie with seriousness and was duly impressed. Only downside is she never did have sex with me.
Jokesonyounow · 1 points · Posted at 22:40:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My brother showed him a remote start system he installed in his car. The liar said that's nothing back home in Pakistan we have a system where we press a button and the car comes out of the car park and parks in front of you. This was years before Lane guidance etc.
hmscoachhardin · 1 points · Posted at 22:40:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend who stated he was in a gang, became their leader, and eventually left the gang with no issues. Mind you, he's a rdneck from southern Indiana, the gang in question was 5 hours away, he was only there about a week every 3-4 years, and the city in question is quite small (several thousand). This guy also lied about having a mounted 50-cal gun coming uncoupled while in the army, hitting him, the force pushing him and the gun against the wall, sandwiching him, and hurting his knee, even though his chest, back, and head are all ok.
noam_compsci · 1 points · Posted at 22:40:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
EHowie60 · 1 points · Posted at 22:41:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he was in a gang that was so tough that if a police officer gave them trouble the gang would get 20 guys with shotguns to surround the cop's car and make him leave.
datspongecake · 1 points · Posted at 22:41:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've known two that stand out to me. One was a guy who I played handball with a couple times at the park, claimed to have seen a real life transformer on the highway (like in the first movie which came out a week before he told me this) and that his friend has a button on his wall that you press and unveils a room full of various guns, kind of like the first Men in Black.
Second was a girl I met in high school. First day I met her she told me she was adopted by an abusive family after a series of tragedies, one of which was her fathers suicide after she accidentally caused her brothers death. I felt horrible and stressed for days until I learned from people who have known her for years that she never had a brother and her biological father is very much alive, and that she tells variations of this story. Also, she says she was in a music video for VH1, but you cant see her because she tripped as the camera panned over her
CussTurdPie · 1 points · Posted at 22:43:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That his first job out of school was sailing multimillion dollar yachts from the shipyards to international buyers.
He only quit this job after being hassled by pirates, who proceeded to cut his friends hands off. At which point he deemed it to risky...
pantstickle · 1 points · Posted at 22:43:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A 48 year old security guard I worked with wrote the song Crazy Train and sold it to a man for $500, who went on to sell it to Ozzy for much more.
The band TLC came to the middle school and handed out condoms to the kids and talked about sex ed. (My brother)
warablo · 1 points · Posted at 22:43:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One of my friends as a child was a compulsive liar. The one I most remember is him saying they had a helicopter so they could come visit me anytime when he was moving away.
spookyjf · 1 points · Posted at 22:43:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The security guard at my work told us the story about how his friend jumped out of his bedroom window onto the trampoline in the garden, and then bounced back in through the window.
Thepartyofone · 1 points · Posted at 22:44:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had been seeing this guy I knew back from high school, and we were talking and hanging out pretty often then one day he completely cut all contact. I was a little upset, but I ran into some of his old friends who insisted he was a compulsive liar anyways, not to be too upset. Fast forward three months, he's back working at a store near my house. I ran into him yesterday. He insisted he's been in jail for three months for assault on his mom, but "we should totally hang out." He forgot to unfriend me on Facebook, and he posted selfies with some girl on the beach about every week.
omgunicornz · 1 points · Posted at 22:44:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Girl I went to school with in middle school and high school was just so good at everything. It was believable at first, she would say "I tried out for this soccer team and made it on an even better team." Valid enough, could've happened. Then her range of skills just kept growing. At her old school, they put her in 7th grade math in 5th grade (what?) because she was so smart. I remember the moment I knew she was absolutely full of shit and stopped believing anything she said was when she learned I was a dancer. Her response to learning that fact? "Oh, I took a ballet class last year, after my first day they moved me right up to pointe because I was so good, but I stopped after a couple weeks because I felt bad for the other dancers there who had to try to hard."
Amiable_ · 1 points · Posted at 22:44:52 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My Girlfriend's mother is a compulsive liar. She's in her mid forties, going on fifty, and she maintains that she has multiple sclerosis. She also likes to make up diseases when someone else is having a major life event, like a wedding or graduation, to try and win the attention away. Most people are wise about her BS, but some people actually believe her...
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:45:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a cousin who was a pathological liar. Just off the top of my head:
She had cancer. 10 or 12 different times and to have chemo each time but it never affected her hair.
She was personal friends with Bill Clinton.
Our grandmother left a house to her, her sister, and me (we all own 1/3 of it). She tells people that her rich ex husband bought it for her when they got divorced.
She was married once, but got divorced because she cheated. Told everybody it was something else, I don't remember what.
There's plenty more but I could go on all day.
indiecate · 1 points · Posted at 22:45:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not a compulsive liar, but a child at my job today told everyone that he once ate 72 pancakes in one sitting.
Politely tried to correct him. Yelling from him ensued.
tam_the_destroyer · 1 points · Posted at 22:45:44 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This girl at school told people she had a wooden leg... It definitely wasn't wooden!
LizzardFish · 1 points · Posted at 22:45:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
hey Gill - I've lived in california for 15 years now, where's that surfboard you say you bought me??!
LandShark93 · 1 points · Posted at 22:46:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My brother has compulsively lied about things his entire life.
I watched him print off a picture, tape it to the sliding glass window and trace it. He then proceeded to get very angry and insist he did not trace it when I asked him about it.
I walked downstairs to see him putting wart removal gel on his hand. Later he came up and was using nail clippers to snip dead skin off said-wart. I told him not to because warts were contagious. Again he got pissed off and told me it wasn't a wart.
Insisted he didn't siphon gas from my mom's car after she found the garden hose cut and lying on the ground next to her car with the gas cap cover open.
Insisted he didn't steal a gas can from my grandparents, even though we found the can hidden in the bushes at our house.
Justtosharethis · 1 points · Posted at 22:46:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So, Amanda (17 or so) was always a lier. She had told everyone in our high school many crazy things.She was having an affair with her soccer coach, and they would get married in Mexico next month. She was running away and had connections all over the country to dissappear ect... but the big one was that she was pregnant and had to kill her parents to keep the baby because they wouldn't let her be with her 20 something year old boyfriend. It was so crazy how many people she told this to. No one who is about to commit murder tells everyone in class about it. Not more than a week later all over the news in our hometown something like YOUNG COUPLE KILLS GIRLS PARENTS. She did it. She fucking did it.
pottergirl95 · 1 points · Posted at 04:05:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Woah. But then she wouldn't qualify as a liar.
Spottedcactus0 · 1 points · Posted at 22:47:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A little late but here it is
I met a kid my sophomore year in college that told us:
-He put a supercharger in him 01 Audi A6, which there wasn't. He remained adamant about it even when our other friend (whose a mechanic) looked and told us there wasn't one.
-His dad bought him a brand BMW M5 but he was "registering" it for 3 months. And that the dealership gave him 10 grand for his old car, which he was still driving.
-Told us he had a beach house, upon arriving, the door was locked and he said he forgot the key (wasn't even his house!)
-His ex girlfriend cheated on him and left him. Turns out he never had a girlfriend, and just picked some random girl that lived in our dorm and started call her his "ex"
The worst part was to try and prove his "ex" was real he made up some story about how she threw a bottle at his dorm window. He got on the phone with his parents and started crying in front of us. Would have felt bad for him, but I could hear his parents saying "Shane... We just want you to tell us the truth".
Really sad how some people go through life like that.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:47:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well, this is going back a few years so the person in question might have wound her neck in by now, but I knew this girl who told me she had leukaemia and then a month later said she was all clear because the doctor gave her a bottle of nondescript pills she took every day and that made the cancer magically go away.
You can probably guess that there was no doctor, no magic
beanspills and certainly no cancer.palacesofparagraphs · 1 points · Posted at 22:49:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My sister and I had some friends,a pair of sisters the same ages we were, who tended to spout some very self-assured bullshit, although I don't think I'd say they were compulsive liars (the younger one was a compulsive one-upper, which sometimes was the same thing). I think the biggest one they tried to get us to believe was that the Hogwarts robes they had were the real ones from the movie. When I asked if they meant they were exact replicas of the kind used in the movie, they told us that no, these were the actual ones that Dan, Emma, and Rupert wore.
whan12 · 1 points · Posted at 22:50:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One of my high school teachers who is about as Caucasian as they come, said his father used to be a chief of a native American tribe. Also, the teacher claimed to finish a project $5 million under budget at his old company and that he used to be an air force commander. The guy did a lot in his life.....
abagofdicks · 1 points · Posted at 22:50:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy once told me he played all the drums on Atreyu's records.
BatDubb · 1 points · Posted at 22:50:43 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
ITT: You all know my father-in-law.
girllock · 1 points · Posted at 22:50:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh boy. I had a friend for several years who... I guess she wanted to be a good liar? She didn't do it often, which was good, because she was terrible at it.
The biggest one was the time she wiped out on her bike, scraped her arm up, and decided the best cover story would be that she was attacked by a pterodactyl.
A freaking pterodactyl.
When called out on the logistics, it became a swarm of Pygmy pterodactyls. They'd knocked her off her bike, scraped her arm with a beak-bite, and flown off into the sky. She hunted down some urban legend documentary thing about somebody else with the "same experience" and "nobody believed them either."
It wouldn't have been so bad if she'd given it up but she stuck to it for weeks, and we were 14. Holy crap, girl.
RalphK4 · 1 points · Posted at 22:51:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy I worked with was the hero of every story he ever told. He was telling me about the time this great big biker and his girl on the back, stopped next to him at a red light. He looked over at the biker and said to him (you must not love her) the biker said WHAT??? So he repeated You must not love her. The biker says WHY?? Because your'e not making her wear that helmet hanging off the back. The biker says to him. You know? your'e right and he made the girl put the helmet on.
Oj-Mushroom · 1 points · Posted at 22:52:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My dad is one. One time his second wife wanted to go swimming. He didn't know how to swim but she didn't know this. So instead of telling her the truth he said he couldn't because he had PTSD from being in the Navy.
And one time he even told my mother that he had MS a few years ago, but was cured. He claimed that they discovered it through a reflex test.
My grandfather on his side was also a big liar, tho all of his lies were him knowing a bunch of famous movie stars.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:52:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
In high school I knew a girl who concocted an elaborate story about how she was pregnant with her boyfriend's baby and that he was treating her very poorly. The whole time she complained about how bad her period cramps were and asked me for tampons more than once.
broniesnstuff · 1 points · Posted at 22:53:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've known lots of compulsive liars, so I'm generally pretty good at picking them out. Wife made a new friend that I met for the first time recently. Everything was fine and dandy until she tried to bullshit me on a topic I knew: Magic the Gathering
Oh she had this collection if cards worth hundreds of thousands of dollars, had multiples of all the most valuable cards that people would just give her, and that people wouldn't let her use some deck she had because it was so powerful, and they wouldn't even let her play it at large sanctioned tournaments. Then her family said it was devil worship and burned her whole collection. She was tearing up and everything while telling me this story.
She must have not realized I was paying attention throughout the course of the day when I learned how old she was. Because apparently this story happened when she was a teenager...2 years before Magic was invented. After that it was pretty apparent that she was full of shit 90% of the time.
thisisnotacoolname · 1 points · Posted at 22:53:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was engaged to a horribly compulsive liar... Definitely not the WORST, but probably the most obvious lie that he told me was when he showed me a band and when he learned I like them said, "yeah they're not together anymore but they were from our state, I did guest guitar on their album and they thanked me in their CD cover..." So like, how hard was it for me to find this CD and realize what bullshit that was.
Lots of red flags I ignored for far too long until finally being able to drag myself out four years later
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:53:51 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The latest is epilepsy. He has epilepsy. He previously had leg cancer. Before that, a heart attack. He's 37 and doesn't want to work. These lies are to keep his wife off his back. She's gullible as fuck.
Neo_Unidan · 1 points · Posted at 22:53:55 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He told me that, when he was in 4th grade, he played the Mendelssohn violin concerto, in his sleep, without missing a note. Here's the kicker: he had never seen the music before either. And of course, his parents just forgot to film him, but they were the ones who saw him do it.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:54:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew this kid in preschool that we called Lars the Liar. I don't remember all of the lies he would try to tell us, but here are my two favorites:
"Me and my dad went to the moon this weekend" "I've been 15 before."
These were always completely unsolicited. Don't know why 15 was the magic number he chose, but he was committed to the fiction.
Dmomo85 · 1 points · Posted at 22:55:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One time, a dude I knew said he was late to work because his car was struck by lightning.
But his car was there and lightning bolt free
Ms_Mustache · 1 points · Posted at 22:55:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well I was in a relationship for 1,5 years that ended up being a complete lie..... Pro tip do not date a compulsive liar....
pottergirl95 · 1 points · Posted at 23:57:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What happened?
Ms_Mustache · 1 points · Posted at 00:11:50 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well, I still haven't painted the full picture myself as I am trying to figure out what was truth and what was a lie.
Apparently he cheated on me multiple times and at the beginning of our relationship he was also in a relationship with another girl, which I found out this last weekend, a year and a half after I finally broke up with him. He also constantly lied to me about his alcohol and drug abuse. He basically lived a double life despite us spending 3/4ths of the week together for almost 2 years, how he managed I do not know and how I was blind enough not to notice I do not know either. There were friends I never heard off and others he made up. He told me horrible lies about his past and how he was abused when the truth was the opposite, he treated everyone around him terribly and used these lies as an excuse. Finally I started too realize that I was in fact in an abusive relationship and got the strength to break up with him. I am still trying to figure things out and I am constantly learning new truths about him. He basically stole away my teenage years (him being 6 years older than me and me being only 16 when we started dating) and now the things that he did to me will haunt me for a long time. Today this whole relationship feels as it was built up on my daydream fantasies and his lies....
These things are hard to put into words as I still need to figure these things out by myself.
dakk-o-matic · 1 points · Posted at 22:56:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That his father worked for Sony and had a gas powered PS3
MattGeddon · 1 points · Posted at 22:57:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend Jay is the worst for this, comes up with all sorts of things. Mostly about his trials for West Ham or the ridiculous sex he's been having at the caravan park. His worst one though was definitely about going on holiday to Spain and taking a pedalo over to Africa.
glassonion6659 · 1 points · Posted at 22:57:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was fooled into housing and feeding a friend for months because he claimed he was awaiting a multimillion dollar settlement for gay discrimination against him which supposedly took place on the first day of work at a job he moved over 2700 miles away from home for.
He staged phone calls, meetings with attorneys, met with apartments asking if he could pay a year's rent up front.
I was being nice and never REALLY believed the lies although it was fascinating how elaborate they became.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:58:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
We passed a cross on the interstate to mark where someone had died. He said his friend from his childhood died there after stealing and consuming his beer on the way to be the opening act for billy Ray cyrus.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:58:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
My friend and I play CS:GO for the first time and he gets 2 lucky kills with a sniper. The next day I see him at school, we talk about those lucky kills he got. He then tells me "I play in ESEA you know. (pro league)"
He has only 43 hours on CS:GO.
abuhtin · 1 points · Posted at 22:58:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a roommate in college who was a pathological liar. I first noticed that he told little fibs here and there. But the stories grew longer and more detailed as time passed. The biggest story centered around him telling me that he took a swing at one of our dorm-mates (which turned out to not be true because that person was out of town at the time).
But the most obvious and ridiculous story that he kept up for an entire semester: He told us that he showered, but we knew he never showered.
Where I went to college, we had communal showers. So you would carry your shower stuff in little totes that would have your shampoo, soap, etc... I knew he never showered because his tote never moved from his closet and eventually gathered dust on it. Furthermore, none of the guys (or girls for that matter) ever saw him going to or leaving from the showers.
Once a few of us realized this, people would ask him when he showered last and he would always come up with some long explanation or excuse. It eventually became kind of a sad joke.
Lazybay6 · 1 points · Posted at 22:59:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My employee called out because he was mugged on the bus. Said his face was pummeled by this person and he was forced to get several stiches. The next day, he shows up to work looking perfectly fine. I immediately asked him how this was possible to which he responds..."i heal fast".
aaronis1 · 1 points · Posted at 23:00:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was having an argument against my table and my chemistry teacher about the flammability of oxygen. They wouldn't beliebe me that oxygen wasn't flammable.
My compulsive liar friend then tried claiming victory by stating he had lit an oxy-acetylene torch with only the oxygen valve on.
His lie broke the laws of physics, and my table and my teacher ate it up.
One girl at my table came back to mr and apologized because she realized if oxygen was flammable then the entire world would be set ablaze with the light of a single match.
Lesmix · 1 points · Posted at 23:00:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When John Travolta was round at a schoolfriend's house enjoying his tea, he confided in this friend that he was entrusted by the US government with a gun that could shoot the world in half but luckily for the world, the reason he got to keep the gun was because he promised that he would "never ever use it."
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:01:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well, he told me he was allergic to fruit, as he was drinking a virgin piña-colada.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:01:25 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know a girl who is a compulsive liar and would lie about the dumbest stuff, but when we had undeniable proof is my favorite.
She made a fake fb with a guy named Brent. She acted like her and Brent were dating and used a picture that was too good, professional. She had conversations with herself on fb and on her birthday she posted she had the best boyfriend ever because he got her Bruno Mars tickets.
I commented that my present seemed lame in comparison but "Brent" said she'd love whatever I got. After work I went to her house and gave her my present and started asking about this Brent. How can I, her best friend, know nothing about this guy. Especially since we live in a small town. I also asked whether. The concert was, she replied with something along the lines of "I'm not sure, he just said he got tickets. I think it's in a few months". So thanks to Google I just looked up Bruno Mars' tour dates because she didn't know when or where it was. Turns out he wasn't even touring in America for almost a year.
So I'm feeling weird about this Brent guy and tell some of my close friends. One guy just does a reverse image search and found out Brent is really some hot ass personal trainer that lives 16 hours away and his name isn't even Brent. I called her out on it and she wouldn't admit to it. I mean, I had the guy's website pulled up and everything and she said Brent must have used the pic since they look so much alike. I wanted to meet this guy on talk to him but then his account disappeared almost immediately.
To this day she refuses to admit it and has been in some trouble so obviously there's some issues there. But fuckin A, this girl would try to convince you the sky is purple and believe it herself.
TL;DR: girl makes fake fb account for fake boyfriend, reverse image search busts her, still refuses to admit the truth.
pottergirl95 · 1 points · Posted at 23:52:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
What if she was trolled by someone with that fake account and is too embarrassed to admit it?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:13:17 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
No. She would tag herself with him at places. Carry on conversations about things they had done over the weekend. "Brent" even messaged certain people talking about things that only she would know. She was trying to make guys jealous, get attention, and probably bored. We did a thorough investigation and we know it was her.
kurashu89 · 1 points · Posted at 23:01:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
She got pregnant. Then stomach cancer ate the baby. Got pregnant again. But aliens abducted it.
The context of this all was 15/16 year olds at a church youth group. So either she was an outright liar, or she was really bad at covering up abortions. She's actually a good person though, just a stupid teenager.
Another dude was a complusive liar. He had two kids but he was a virgin. Dad, uncle, cousin worked for so and so band and he always had backstage passes and would be a touring guitarist (you know, despite being 16, terrible at guitar, and be hanging out with people while he was on stage). He was the top marksman in sniper school except for the fact that he served time for going awol at basic.
Motherfucker even stole my Half Life pack (Half Life, Opposing Force, Blue Shift, Counter Strike, and I think one other). Claimed he lent them to me, and then threatened to call the cops if I bothered him about it again. And then still had the audacity to ask why he wasn't invited to my birthday party.
lorralorralarfs · 1 points · Posted at 23:02:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There was an episode of the old Nickelodeon show As Told By Ginger where Ginger writes a depressing/morbid short story and gets sent to a therapist.
My friend tried telling me she also got sent to a therapist while we were in elementary school. She showed me the story that supposedly got her sent to the therapist and it was the story that Ginger had written in the show. Idk if she really turned that in and got sent to a therapist or if she made the whole thing up.
Sorry for not being clear haha
czulu · 1 points · Posted at 23:02:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hooo buddy, this is secondhand so it won't be as detailed but this dude was just crazy. I had a long conversation with one of the officers who investigated this, and got most of the full story.
So there's this kid right? Alcohol is super against school rules and he turns in his roommate for drinking. His roommate gets kicked out, everyone hates this kid. You can imagine that there could feasibly be acts of retribution against him.
One day, he's goofing around down by the freight train tunnel and someone comes running out with a knife, trying to stab him. He manages to get away with his life, but does receive a minor wound on his leg. Cops on campus go 0-100, looking for the bad guy but apparently he escaped.
So our hero, cowed by his last adventure spends most of his time locked in his room when not in class. Someone pours lighter fluid all over the door and lights it on fire in an attempt to burn down the room and kill the guy inside. Again, the cops investigate, interviewing like everyone in the building, and go so far as to post a guard with with guy 24/7 for about a week. Nothing happens, so the guard gets dropped.
Now to the piece de resistance. The bad guys won't stop coming at our hero, and once the cop leaves it's open season again. One day in a crowded hallway in a class building, someone walks up and stabs this guy in the back with a pen. Bleeding out, he manages to get to one of the instructors in a classroom, gasping "they got me!" before being rushed to the hospital.
Obviously this puts so much more pressure on the guys investigating, but all of a sudden things fall into place. AMTRAK, who owns the train tracks that go through the tunnel finally gets back with the sensor data, and on video they have the kid stabbing himself in the leg and throwing the knife in a river. They realize that our hero dowsed the door in lighter fluid, went in and locked the door, and pushed a lit piece of paper under the jam to light his own door on fire. Finally, not one but two people saw our hero jamming a pen into the wall and running into it, stabbing himself in the back.
So the case was quietly closed and our hero was sent to a mental institution for 6 months.
sedasyn · 1 points · Posted at 23:02:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Old friend of mine:
There's more but thankfully I've forgotten a lot of them - my favorite by far was getting struck by lightning though, so classic
Anghel412 · 1 points · Posted at 23:02:56 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Worked at an office supply store that occasionally sold cell phones and tablets with cell phone service on them.One of my coworkers had the brilliant idea of texting random people at the store from one of the devices that had service already. The funny thing is, it was a demo device that sat on the shelf that anyone could pick up and text from. So this guy texts me acting like a girl trying to get me to cheat on my wife (I didn't fall for it.) Then he decides to message another guy we worked with who was single.
After I realized my texts were him he let me in on the gag and we proceeded to message this other guy non stop. We convinced the guy that we were a girl he had met at a bar and he would text the "girl" constantly. Eventually we saw him texting her at work and asked who he was always talking to. He told us it was this cute girl he met at a bar we all would frequent so we're not sure how he would bullshit us about said girl.
When we asked about her at work he'd show us all the text messages she sent to prove that she was real. We then asked if he had ever hung out with her to which he said not only had they hung out but they had slept together. At that point I just felt bad for the guy and told him it was all made up and told him we had been texting him from a phone at our store. He had the nerve to tell us over and over that she was real and that they had met in person several times and that if we were making that up how could we explain the girl that he hooked up with. We even sent him a text from the device and said it was us and he replied telling the girl to quit joking and that he was aware of the prank his friends were pulling on him by telling him his fake girlfriend is fake....
Eventually the guy quit, met a real girl and got married. To this day he still insists the girl was real...
Bilbobagger288 · 1 points · Posted at 23:03:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I go to school with a kid who claims to:
...And so many more that if anyone's interested I'd be willing to tell. He made up many lies about me personally.
MollieBee3 · 1 points · Posted at 23:04:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He had a gold sniffing dog.
Hawly · 1 points · Posted at 23:05:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
She didn't watch the GoT S06E05, but she knew about the "Hold the door" because she read the books. Like, bitch, please.
MollieBee3 · 1 points · Posted at 23:05:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That his dad lifts 400 pound boxes all day at work and it doesn't phase him even though he's like 60
coffeee_loveee · 1 points · Posted at 23:08:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Same girl, all stories she told over the span of a year:
Her cat lit her house on fire by turning on the stove in the basement.
Her mom was having brain surgery.
Less than six months later, her mom was moved into hospice. She got out a week later for miraculously recovering.
Her mom had a stroke after that (a very serious one, apparently) but was fine enough to go home that night and post on Facebook.
Someone broke her sliding glass door by throwing a rock through it. She lived on the 7th floor.
Same guy that broke the glass door started stalking her and waiting for her after work. "Called the police" and they said they couldn't do anything.
Same guy, waited for her outside of her apartment and instead of calling the police, she went inside and he raped her. Called the police and they said they couldn't do anything because "they won't believe me".
Had to leave work early the next day because she had an appointment at the ER... to have her clothes examined from the rape... but her friend tagged her having sushi at the same time she was supposedly there.
She got accepted into Harvard. Told us she didn't feel like now was the right time to go. Currently goes to community college.
This chick literally lies about everything and will continue to lie even if you call out her bullshit. Craziest person I've ever had the displeasure of working with.
omfg_its_so_and_so · 1 points · Posted at 23:09:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When my best friend was 15 he tried convincing me that his dad worked for Nasa and actually invented a working flying skateboard (as seen in BttF2).
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:09:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That they will do a triathlon.
They're obese, barely do any exercise and make a drama out of it every time they do. They turn all their runs into 'speed walks' and takes more 'selfies' than miles. They can't ride a bike safely and even have problems stopping.
I like tracking her at r/ragenchastain
omnipotentnothing · 1 points · Posted at 23:09:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Bhengazi
theresaX13 · 1 points · Posted at 23:11:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Her name was Karen (name changed) she told us she went on the tour bus with the Jonas Brothers (this is when they were really big) and got diabetes from kissing Nick Jonas.
TonyzTone · 1 points · Posted at 23:11:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew this kid back in high school who was just the worst with the lying. He also had this obsession with gangs and pretending to be like he was "down." Now, technically, we couldn't prove him wrong about his gang connections, his stories were just completely bullshit.
Anyways, one time we were all sharing stories from "battle." Basically relaying times where each of us had to run away from cops (usually because we were drinking in the park) or from fist fights with other kids.
Suddenly, this kid chimes in and starts talking about how him and his boys were hanging out in a nearby neighborhood. Apparently, his friend was a Latin King and while they were hanging on a random corner, a van pulled up, swung open its side door and out of the van came 4 guys. One was shooting a pistol, another was shooting a shotgun, the third was shooting a Mac-10, and the final one even had an AK-47! They all ran and his friend "bucked shots back" that luckily repelled the attack and allowed them all to flee.
We all pretty much responded, "that's crazy! And to think something like that never even made the news."
Yeah, apparently "not everything makes it to the news."
samkumtob · 1 points · Posted at 23:11:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He had a goldfish so strong it used its tail and broke the glass of the aquarium and he had to put it in the toilet to save it.
He was an only child because his brother was killed in a horrific accident. (Later learn he has an older sister and a younger brother both still alive and living with him).
His mom was a long lost Japanese princess with hundreds of pounds of gold but she had to flee and could only take one gold trinket. (He's not even Japanese or even part).
So many more cringe worthy stories.
YouNestea · 1 points · Posted at 23:12:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That Michael Jackson was her uncle, her dad was his manager and because of that she owned a young tiger when she was little...
andrewiiv · 1 points · Posted at 23:12:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
How does everyone respond o someone who is clearly lying? Do you call them out or just go along with it like they have such an amazing story, or anything else?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:32:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
for me i expose them. it's great seeing them struggle trying to come up with the next lie until they finally give up...it's GOLD.
andrewiiv · 1 points · Posted at 08:30:07 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Haha, true.. I just normally go along with it because I don't want to think i'm hating on them or anything XD
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:07:31 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Let them hate that's the best part lol
hfjoshjanes · 1 points · Posted at 23:12:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is about my brother in law curt. Kid is the definition of a fuck up. Failed 9th grade 3 times before dropping out of school. Signed up for the national guard. I thought, wow this kid could actually make something of himself. That was until he went awol. Fled from Georgia to ny before they made him come back and sit in the brig until he would have graduated anyways. He has told people that the scar from his mole getting removed was actually when he got shot at boot camp. His latest and most elaborate lie yet is when he told us that he was the one who killed Osama bin laden. He said that he didn't go awol and they hired a body double who looked exactly the same as him with the same homemade tattoos and everything.
Pudnpie · 1 points · Posted at 23:12:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I went on a date with a guy who said he won a congressional medal of honour for saving the Prime Minister in a super secret kamikaze mission that had only a 10% chance of survival. When I pointed out we were Canadian and therefore had no congress, it became a joint mission from the States and Canada. When I asked to see it, he told me they took it back after they gave it to him because the mission was so secret. When I asked why he was telling me if it was so secret, he told me I seemed like good people. When I asked him why he worked at a oil change shop and wasn't a fighter pilot any more. He wanted a no stress job. He had all the answers, so it might have been legit.
misstinypurple · 1 points · Posted at 23:14:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friends and I are a pretty close knit group, and way back in freshman year we knew this one guy who lied about being chronically ill, so ill in fact that he needed a specific type stem cell research to kick off before there would be any chance of recovery. We should've seen it, but alas.
He even had immensely colourful stories about winning a chess championship in England and getting to meet The Queen.
Also managed to get mugged once, all the while maintaining possession of his Fossil watch and his wallet with only 'all the cash gone'.
I think the kicker was that he managed to ruin a relationship between another one of our friends and his girlfriend.
My friends made a bonfire out of all his photographs and danced around it when the whole charade was up and he was out of our lives.
Good times.
IllyriaGodKing · 1 points · Posted at 23:14:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My boyfriend had a friend he grew up with that was a compulsive liar, and some of his falsehoods include:
That he was part Japanese (Boyfriend knew his family pretty well, and when called out on this, he said he was part Japanese because his cousin married someone Japanese).
That he mastered "Staff Kung Fu" and has "High level" training in Ninjitsu.
That he has "Vampiric Blood".
MCCCXXXVII · 1 points · Posted at 23:15:09 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I had a work colleague come in one day with a limp and a tensor bandage on his wrist. He claimed that he was in a bar fight and got the injuries when a guy hit him in the back with a bar stool and it broke. As if this wasn't crazy enough, he claimed that he took the broken leg from the stool and pummel the guy until he was unconscious as some form of retribution (this from a guy who would talk about his childhood in a monastery where he learned martial arts). The best part is he went around telling management even though we all knew it was BS.
WC insisted that he saw a guy biking 70km/h daily on his commute to work with no assistance (electric, etc). As someone who commutes almost daily and struggles to maintain a speed of 30km/h I knew this was one of his bullshit stories.
To make it even more absurd, after he was let go he told his former managers and friends that he was long boarding and hit 90km/h the other day (also told them he already had 5 job offers lined up and turned them all down because he has so much money saved up, despite the economy in our area being weak).
Columbiner · 1 points · Posted at 23:15:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When I was getting my undergrad there was this woman who would tell these utterly fabricated lies about herself to make herself seem like an amazing writer or student or whatever. One time she told me that Harvard University tried to offer her a full ride scholarship because-- get this-- her GED scores were so amazing.
Uthmaaaan · 1 points · Posted at 23:15:34 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's usually just exaggerations of how much drugs and alcohol they consume. More despicable than anything
ero_senin05 · 1 points · Posted at 23:18:11 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had an employee at a small independant supermarket who at 19 Years Old said to me that he had a commercial pilot's license and only worked as a casual trolley boy because he was studying and all the international flights would get in the way of his education.
I also worked with a lady named Morna who could hardly open her mouth without dribbling shit. She claimed that while standing on a ladder her manager started throwing cans of baked beans at her head for no reason at all and then kicked her off the ladder. Also one night after lock up I was left there with herself and a 16 year old girl who's parents hadn't come to pick her up. Policy is that the manager is the last to leave and in that situation had to make sure both ladies had safe transport home. Morna declared that she could protect the young lady with her box cutter which has a blade of about 1cm and that she'd done it many times before. From that day on, whenever somebody said something that sounded like Bullshit we named that a Mornaism
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:18:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Everything that came out of their mouths and they show no shame when they get caught on that lie 5 minutes later. But then again, shes also a narcissistic sociopath.
mrsqueevoot · 1 points · Posted at 23:19:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a kid who thought he was a magician because he could walk through "physical objects". To my disappointment, this just meant he could open a door reallly quick and run through it. He thought it was magic though, so who knows
blackkeymp · 1 points · Posted at 23:19:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know a guy who told me he snorted coke with Ryan Sheckler and that they used to hang out. I've known him for like 2 years and he just now told me this. I called him out on it.
ZewIk · 1 points · Posted at 23:19:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My cousin. He tell lies everytime it makes himself look a little bit better. Like having his own CS:GO gambling site, but when you ask for it, it is down or something. And so much other stuff where he makes a lot of money, like him earning around a dollar everyday by having a bot on this streamers channel, but i've been a sub on that exact channel for like 15 month, so i know it is not true.
There was also a time where me, my cousins (i have 2), older brother and a few others were going to meet up, but my older brother would not come, so he asked my cousin if he would go there. He legit wrote while being there, together with me and the others, that he would not come either because he had been out drinking the night before and actually just woke up. Me and my older brother later found out when we spoke together, and holy shit, why would you even lie about that. What the actual fuck. He is a great guy overall, but damn he lies a lot.
Give_Me_Karmuh · 1 points · Posted at 23:20:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My boss tells us on a constant basis that: I just got back to the shop 20 minutes ago, I'm late on my mortgage by (I kid you not) 3 months, 8 months, 4 months, and 7 months IN RANDOM ORDER, order contradicts logic. And so much more but that stuff wouldn't make sense to someone outside my field.
Kalipokai · 1 points · Posted at 23:21:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend said that his dad invented a special suit which let him touch the sun. This was the same friend that said that he had a solid gold helicopter, and that his twin is a crocodile-elephant-human hybrid
TryAgainForever · 1 points · Posted at 23:21:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My cousin: I am fluent in Spanish Knows no Spanish
funkytownmagic · 1 points · Posted at 23:21:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
She was late for her shift because her grandma died. (For the 3rd fucking time this year)
Crewbrooke · 1 points · Posted at 23:22:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
She had gone to Africa and the plane back crashed and she was the only survivor, she made friends with an elephant who protected her. She told this to our entire 7th grade PE class.
LivesEcho · 1 points · Posted at 23:23:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
To
tortoiseflavored · 1 points · Posted at 23:23:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Went to high school with / used to get drugs from this fuckass that always happened to have the most convenient BS stories that seemingly happened to him on a daily basis. Usually it was "oh dude I found 60 bucks on the side of the road walking home" or "I found a bag of weed" etc. and nobody believed him as it was. Once, he told my friends and I that he took some ecstasy with his "buddy Paco" that no one ever met (ever. even once.) and walked to California and back one weekend. We lived in Washington.
Not to mention the guy was like 350 pounds.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:23:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Girl was a high school swimmer. Her 100m free time was 2:23. She claimed Ryan Lochte was coming to scout her and had been following her her whole career.
Jamies_redditAccount · 1 points · Posted at 23:24:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy at my work claimed to have had his hand stuck in our industrial strapper, the process would have ripped him in half. I dont know why he told us this story and reported as a near miss was so weird. We all knew it wasint possible. He said it ran the whole cycle but his arm wasint even broke
Maytherainfall · 1 points · Posted at 23:24:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Still waiting on my brother in law to be gifted that boat by his boss.
echowood · 1 points · Posted at 23:27:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
-As a kid, he lived across the street from models Niki and Krissy Taylor and hung out with them regularly.
-Ran into a door too quickly and got his entire body stuck underneath the doorknob until his mom had to kick out his legs to help him escape.
-Programmed his phone to call him during parties and with names like "Kanye West" and "Anne Hathaway" in the caller ID.
-Said he and the guy sitting next to him were robbed on a train, but he couldn't report it to the cops because the guy "worked for Google."
-Had a bunch of "hot friends" who owned yachts, but every time we went to meet them, they were "unexpectedly in the South of France."
The internet changed the way he lied. Before, he'd stand firm in his convictions. Now, he feigns ignorance.
Jonax · 1 points · Posted at 23:28:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well, I just came across one about why fleets have an odd number of ships...
definitelynotavagina · 1 points · Posted at 23:28:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
An ex turned stalker in highschool named Carlos: - he was the son of the devil -he was the antichrist -in 2012 the world was gonna end and if I had sex with him he'll take me to the middle of the universe and we'll live in paradise -he could see me at the gates of hell when I was sleeping This guy seriously needed help but I was waaaaaaaay too scared to say anything because he was unstable and unpredictable.
marleylovestrees · 1 points · Posted at 23:28:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yes finally a post I have many stories to share! I grew up with a girl named megan. Her parents and my mom were best friends so we were friends by force. She's the biggest liar I've ever met. Here's just some of the lies she's told: - Said she fractured her pelvis so she wouldn't be able to run in gym class, even though she was walking around just fine. - She injected heroine into her toes so her parents wouldn't find out. - Told everyone she was pregnant and kept this up for about three months then had this sob story about how the baby died because it got an STD. When questioned about it she said, oh no I don't have one, just the baby did. Ugh this girl.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:29:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is gonna be a bit long.
This guy I worked with, let's call him Greg, hated to work so he would lie about what happened to get pity and time off. This is a mandatory job to do with our college major so he can't be fired.
All these things would miraculously happen at the worst time since it would always be in a cram time or major work time where we'd need all hands on deck.
Here's a list:
grandma had a stroke (Facebook post of him at a concert proved otherwise)
grandma died (he was at another concert)
grandma died (Facebook post of him at a party with said grandmother proved that wrong)
mom died of cancer ( Greg's mom actually did have cancer but was not dying yet or in hospice. He posted pictures and statuses online of him being with his girlfriend at a party during the "mourning period" and no posts from relatives giving condolences proved that one wrong. As well as the fact that all of us saw Greg at an on campus party instead of at the funeral the day he said the funeral was supposed to happen) -------> here is where this lie backfired hard. Greg got a lot of pity and time off for this one. About three weeks of time off without being bugged or called in to even do anything at all. He also got an out from most classes. One of Greg's superiors actually had cancer a few years earlier and he was super nice to Greg and even offered to help him out if he needed it. About two months later Greg's mom actually went into hospice and died. Greg, being as smart as a brick, tried to pull the pity card again for real this time. That's when the shit hit the fan and he basically not only was kicked out of the department but out of the entire major.
Best lie: "Nick Jonas said he'd come to today's matinee show so we have to be ready to deal with paparazzi." (Nick sadly didn't make it that day due to being in state)
TL;DR: Dumb dude killed off his grandma twice then killed off his mom just to get out of work and ended up actually losing his mother and almost entire college career a few months later.
thug_funnie · 1 points · Posted at 23:30:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So there was this kid in junior high school who apparently had around 50 uncles, who were apparently notable experts in whatever field happened to be related to the topic of discussion. Talking about space in science? Every ludicrous fact was justified by "my uncle is an astronaut". And so on and so forth.
He was outted when we had to do a family tree project and he must've forgot about all those damn uncles.
sibre2001 · 1 points · Posted at 23:30:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Knew a Marine, LCpl Max, who was constantly full of shit. Highlights:
Was a 400lb Pro Skater
Had threesomes several times while in high school (and 400lbs)
Girlfriend looked exactly like Shannon Elizabeth (turned out to be a chubby 15 year old goth girl)
He dealt with all kinds of gang violence while growing up in Napa Valley, CA (wine country)
When the local SWAT heard he was joining the USMC, they came to ask his advice on how to properly raid a meth house
Parachuted into Fallujah with an M249 SAW, killed several people before he landed, and could hardly sleep at night thinking about the lives he took (we found his Myspace account and this was one of the gems)
Everyone had many laughs at his expense, until we found out the age of his girlfriend (he was 21, her 15, and they had been dating for 3 years), then Iraq became a far more dangerous place for him with all the guys who had little sisters back home not taking kindly to that knowledge, and mercilessly beat his ass until some people started feeling sorry for him/worried he might get seriously injured.
And the end of the day we removed him from our unit, disabled his rifle unbeknownst to him, and put him on shit duty for the rest of the deployment.
FHL88Work · 1 points · Posted at 23:32:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He told me that his roommate committed suicide at BYU and of course, he got straight A's that semester. Strangely, couldn't recall the name of that roommate...
Jerster24 · 1 points · Posted at 23:32:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Got banned from Barnes & Noble for putting all the bibles in the fiction section, got kicked out of the state of California and can only return in a straight jacket and mask, Hannibal Lecter style, and lost his virginity in a 10-way with 8 Asian women and the Asian dude who introduced them to each other.
SaladTactileMembers · 1 points · Posted at 23:33:13 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Old friend of mine is always telling obviously fake stories, but he seems to believe them. Best one was he said he was visiting Africa and saw George Lucas passing on a little African child. Another time he was visiting Normandy beach and found an AK 47 buried in the sand from work war 2.
Sorry for any errors, on mobile.
Quantalfalotramin · 1 points · Posted at 23:34:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
At the office some years ago, a guy called out due to a family emergency: His ferret needed a kidney transplant. This was just the best of many stories that were told.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:34:37 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know all there is to know! -Kevin
I've never been dumped by a girl - Kevin
My dad was the toughest man in Vietnam - Kevin (2002)
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:34:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"You know, Microsoft is about to buy out Linux."
I work in IT. He works in a kitchen.
adreadfulpenny · 1 points · Posted at 23:35:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One of my friends (not really) is a pathological liar and insists on telling everyone spectacularly grotesque stories about his non-existent sex life. We've never seen any evidence of him being romantically involved with literally any other human being, but he'll furnish us with graphic fake (unrequested) stories, and when we're like pls stahp, he says we're homophobic. Gr9 guy.
We know they're fake bc they're usually about other male friends who date women and show no interest in this guy.
productionshooter · 1 points · Posted at 23:36:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Junior year in high school this kid claims he and his brother would wear full body kevlar with two helmets and shoot each other with shotguns. Two helmets? How would you fit one helmet over the other helmet?!
angstyart · 1 points · Posted at 23:36:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My mom has friend and we're pretty sure she's faking a pregnancy right now. Every time she tries to schedule meetings or drop off baby supplies, the woman suddenly cancels or just fails to respond for weeks. She also says that she's engaged but my mom has yet to see anything but a photo of a ring on someone's hand, much less the actual fiancé.
sorithio · 1 points · Posted at 23:38:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My best friend was dating a girl that was a pathological liar. I confronted him how she was lying about pretty much everything and so he asks her and she comes up with the fact that she was possessed by a demon. It wouldn't be so crazy if it stopped there but then our other three friends had to move out of the apartment they were all living in because they were literally scared for themselves because she apparently couldn't remember months at a time now. Then on top of all that my friends father is a pastor and she and her mother traveled two hours to meet him and have her exorcised.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:38:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Liberal best friend that ditched me as soon as he found dank pussy.
"I'm not a racist and I don't tolerate those views."
As soon as we're in a bad neighborhood in Miami and he saw two black guys standing on the sidewalk "Oh look, drug dealers. Let's shoot'em up to get them off our turf. But for real, let's keep going."
Yeah, okay. I thought we needed gas, suddenly the car runs on sunshine?
widgetygrub · 1 points · Posted at 23:38:41 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I used to date this guy who I slowly realised was a compulsive liar and as his lies got larger they started to become really funny to me but one day he told one so ridiculous I totally called him out. Somehow the film The Impossible came up in conversation and he told me his friend was part of the real family who the movie was based on. We're English and I knew the family was Spanish so I just quickly snapped backed asking 'oh so is he Spanish then?' He was totally dumbfounded and I went on to explain the story was based on that of a Spanish family and asked again if the guy was Spanish. I could tell he was just so lost and it took all my strength not to laugh, he came up with some lame excuse that it wasn't him directly but they used some of his story.
One of the most satisfying moments of my life. Top tip if your going to lie all the time do your research and don't assume the other person is an idiot.
sommsy · 1 points · Posted at 23:38:53 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Can't help but wonder how many compulsive liars there are on this thread, lying about being lied to...
PMmeYourButtons · 1 points · Posted at 23:39:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That she loves me and convinced me to move 2000 miles to alaska with her only to discover she is talking to her abusive ex and has feelings for him still and he says he still loves her. What the flying fuck do I do
NotTheMiracleGirl · 1 points · Posted at 23:40:28 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My exboyfriend told me he wrote a song for me.
It was a Beatles song.
Thaddeus_Venture · 1 points · Posted at 23:43:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Claimed that his estranged father invented gummy bears.
othermatt · 1 points · Posted at 23:45:21 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm kind of a compulsive liar, but only about trivial things that make no sense to lie about. As in, "Do you like sheep" and I'll be like "No I fucking hate sheep." but I actually don't mind sheep. WTF brain?
anscmc · 1 points · Posted at 23:45:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
21 year-old med student who works in the local hospital says that he runs the ER. He also told me that his first EMT call was to his grandmother's house; who died in his arms that night.
K.
tellevee · 1 points · Posted at 23:46:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My cousin told my grandmother that she married Justin Bieber and photoshopped them together in pictures to prove it.
redditpierce · 1 points · Posted at 23:47:42 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I asked this one kid in fourth grade of he had ever heard of the game Feces. He said yeah his cousin has it. Called him out in front of his friends. "Do you know what Feces means?"... "It means poop. Your cousin has a game about poop."
vesperofshadow · 1 points · Posted at 23:48:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have a Brother in law who said * The movie black Hawk down was about him * He helped Ozzy write some of his songs and many more. I just smiled and nodded for each one.
Lokitheanus · 1 points · Posted at 23:48:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Nothing stands out in particular, but everything that you did she had done better, if you so much as mentioned an aspiration she had already done it.
chmie12 · 1 points · Posted at 23:50:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
His friend sold him a $120,000 Porsche 911 GT3 RS for $40,000. When I asked about the specs he called it the wrong model, didn't know what engine it had, and showed me some professional photo from a car collectors Instagram account.
JAMBOY_ON_DECK · 1 points · Posted at 23:50:18 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he won 30 grand at a casino.
That he bought his family 3 cars.
That his brother killed someone back in India.
That him and his friends would get into wars with monkeys in India.
That there was weed in a cigarette he bought
Templar56 · 1 points · Posted at 23:50:49 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That snm (said named marine) served in Afghanistan with Chris Kyle and has died from blood loss but was brought back. The problem with that is hes lacking combat action, purple heart, Afghanistan, or a hashmark to signify he could even be in at the same time.
maxelrod · 1 points · Posted at 23:51:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My former roommate. He told us he played hockey at University of Michigan. He was actually a good athlete, but he played golf at Wayne State. All of this is obviously online, because he graduated from college in 2010 and this whole internet thing has been around a little while.
Doubting_El_Dandy · 1 points · Posted at 23:51:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
he had a python that he took to the shops in his jacket sleeves.
he used to have hair down past his shoulders yet no pics existed of him with anything other than regular short hair.
he had a cousin on the PGA tour but when questioned couldn't remember his name.
Serviros · 1 points · Posted at 23:51:17 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My childhood neighbour was a compulsive liar, here are a few of his lies:
He learned somewhere that birds primary source of food is clouds.
He thought that running tip toed was the correct way to run, making him look like a maimed velociraptor.
He thought he could break walls with punches, he tried to prove it and failed.
He once told us that he routinly went out to drink(he was a minor) with a teacher.
harding_tom29 · 1 points · Posted at 23:51:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know a diabetic who claims to be out drinking and getting pissed up every single weekend. Keep in mind that he's only 16, and diabetics can't drink as much as he claims
illveal · 1 points · Posted at 23:52:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He was a U.S. Marshall when he was actually a Sheriff's Deputy. That he was on light duty, and gave his 2-weeks notice when he was actually terminated for lying. That he sold his Mustang to buy a Nissan GTR (post termination).
amplesamurai · 1 points · Posted at 23:52:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I work with someone who is a "celiac Jewish part African full status Indian (also Metis)" and then the stories start
TheIronMuffin · 1 points · Posted at 23:52:57 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he was from a family of assassins, who used paintball to train. He claimed his clearly fake gold rings was a family heirloom worth millions of dollars.
Buttsandbuttholes · 1 points · Posted at 23:53:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Some of these are brutally painful for me to read because they activate my shame gland and i remember all of the stupid things i have said to people, although most werent that bad. I did however work with a guy who was a legitimate compulsive liar. in order of things he mentioned to me
Keep in mind that this was last year, we are both in our early 30's and everything is easily verifiable through google. Also im pretty sure being a black ops spy assassin, you wouldnt be working as an in-store banker inside a ralphs.
Alexcelsior · 1 points · Posted at 23:53:35 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he loves me.
martashirt · 1 points · Posted at 23:55:36 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I dated this guy briefly who lied and told me he had cystic fibrosis. He threw up blood often so I made him go to the hospital. when it was time to get a laparoscopy he wouldn't go because he was "scared" or "went" when I was at work. He drank more coffee then anyone I've ever met and smoked ciggs all the time. I'm pretty sure the acidity from the coffee and his poor diet/smoking caused an ulcer in his stomach or throat hence the blood. He used his "disease" as an excuse to live with me for a couple months because he somehow convinced me he was basically dying. He also lived in LA for some short period of time and claimed he was in the band owl city (he should have at least picked a band that consists of more the one person) and was friends with Adam Levine, which I knew was obvious bullshit, of course, but I just let it slide because I felt bad for him. Basically after awhile I kicked his ass out because I realized I was being a complete and utter chump, and he lied about everything. I still can't believe I was stupid enough to date someone that crazy.
EvixiusKane · 1 points · Posted at 23:56:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's always the best when they try to lie about something and include you in it... "Remember that time we went out and ...." "No." "Makes sense, you were pretty drunk." Met this guy 6 months ago and haven't drank in 4 years.
jaeisback987 · 1 points · Posted at 23:57:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
knew a guy who lied literally about everything including jobs and school acceptances. then he tells us about having 4 years to live due to cancer. complained about having a heart attack, went to the hospital, then suddenly told us the cancer disappeared and he's okay. he got an inhaler from the doc, and two weeks later said the inhaler was for his asthma which clearly was a lie as people were next to him when he got the inhaler for "heart attack"
Jah-Eazy · 1 points · Posted at 23:58:50 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well, they've told a bunch.
He said he was offered to play baseball at a Pac-12 school when he wasn't even playing in high school. Now he tells people he goes to a big school in the midwest, when really, it's something like "University of _____ School of Science and Engineering Technologies." Last I saw him, he was telling me how they made it to regionals and whatnot. I looked them up and I think they were even .500 and he wasn't even listed on their roster.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:59:30 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had a student who claimed:
PLT: If you're going to be a compulsive liar, try not to make claims that can instantly be disproved, and especially not in front of your teacher who knows the rest of the students than whom you claim to be better.
KippDynamite · 1 points · Posted at 23:59:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I wonder how many of us are talking about the same guy . . .
Sieg67 · 1 points · Posted at 23:59:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is somebody who I've known since high school.(Over 10 years) He claimed he was a sniper in the military, I don't know how many cars he claimed his friends had, he told an employee at the computer store that he had an i4, he likes to tell people that he was good with a guitar before he broke his hand and there's a shit ton of other lies that'll probably come to mind later.
Caracuno · 1 points · Posted at 00:00:39 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
They swore they could see everyone's auras, demons, and ghosts. He said because of that a family member tried to sacrifice them in a biiiiiiiig ritual.
keyser33 · 1 points · Posted at 00:00:48 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
While discussing self driving car and truck 'Truck drivers syndicate is investing into that tech'
aturquoiseseashell · 1 points · Posted at 00:01:10 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My roommate is a compulsive liar.
Among his claims:
-he made $50,000 day trading in 2008 and conveniently spent the money on "girls and booze"
-he has a model that he dated and who is still in love with him back home (he later drunkenly revealed he was a virgin to my bf and doesn't remember)
-he has lived in "Morocco" but does not say where or by what means
-he went to UCLA, later said he dropped out, but I don't think he went at all
-his dad owns sometimes 2, sometimes 6 companies depending when you ask
-he is a successful writer and only waits tables for extra cash (when we asked him to write a letter to our landlord, it was so awkwardly worded and had so many mistakes I re-wrote it secretly)
-he told my other roommate he is color blind, but when I met him he commented on how ugly the wall color is in our apartment
-he said his sister is an executive at Apple, but when he lost his laptop she conveniently and mysteriously does not get a discount on a new MacBook that he could use
And many, many more. Honestly I just feel badly for him that he feels the need to make so much stuff up.
ilikethecommentmore · 1 points · Posted at 00:02:17 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My junior year of high school I was in class with a guy who talked about his fish stories and up came one where he caught a WHALE WITH A FISHING POLE. I don't need to tell you how entirely absurd that is.
kubiakWU · 1 points · Posted at 00:02:55 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I worked with a guy that said that while he was in the Army, he invented a particle gun, and a "device that could open a portal to anyplace else in the world where you could walk through it, maybe leave a bomb or something, walk back through it, and turn it off." But, this portal device made him nervous because he was afraid of how the government would use it. So he didn't give it to them. Also, he said that the Secretary of Defense would occasionally call him for "advice."
He eventually got fired.
georgeharrisonyo · 1 points · Posted at 00:03:17 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
They had cancer but when asked when they will start chemo they said they take pills that makes their hair still grow.
Newgz · 1 points · Posted at 00:04:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Any one of Ice Poseidon's stories
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:04:25 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not something I was personally told, but... An ex of mine, who is also the biological mother of my son, stole over 20k from a job she had and told them that she stole the money to pay my medical bills because I was dying of cancer in a Hospice on the other side of the country. Long story short she went to prison for several years and I now have custody, she hasn't tried to call or write since the day she was released from prison.
eightballart · 1 points · Posted at 00:04:36 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
The first Foo Fighters album was released when I was in 8th grade. My friend, who had started taking guitar lessons and was "8th grade good", was very angry because the Foo Fighters had stolen a lot of the lyrics from him. Apparently he used to "send them song lyrics to see what they thought", and it turns out they kept a lot of them and made them into songs on the album.
He kept referring to Foo Fighters as "they", even though Dave Grohl wrote and recorded the entire album BY HIMSELF (except for one guest guitarist cameo from Greg Dulli). Also, why would he be sending lyrics to a band on the other side of the country that hadn't even released a single album or played a single show yet?
itsonlyliz · 1 points · Posted at 00:05:59 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ex boyfriend (saaaaad). Got cut off, so he followed the car to Alaska (from Los Angeles), when the people finally got to their destination, ex boyfriend went to their car and looked in the trunk. he found a trunk full of drugs, as he transferred the drugs to his car and as he was leaving they saw him and a car chase ensued. The back end of his car was shot up and destroyed. He killed some drug dealers. But he managed to get to a police station and get the 1.5 million dollar reward for the drugs.
After this story, I saw his car. Very clearly not damaged. It was a shit Hyundai so not worth repairing if it had been so badly ruined.
SlaughterApollo · 1 points · Posted at 00:06:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This kid I went to school with had a few good ones ranging from his grandpa was Hitler to his grandparents had 3 Lamborghinis
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:06:23 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
ambulances flash different pulses when a patient is in cardiac arrest, or if they have a gunshot wound etc... who this would be useful for while travelling on a road full of people who probably dont know any better, noone knows. this was part of her "i was an emt" series of made up bullshit.
Daydav000 · 1 points · Posted at 00:06:37 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
We once had this chubby short guy at work. He would lie almost every day to get out of work. He refused to touch anything hot because he was a "professional hand model and couldn't afford to mess up his hands. He was also a rising playwright, singer and actor. One day he talked to me for hairs about a Death Note musical he was producing. One guy challenged him one day and the dude straight up attacked. We all learned that the dude had mental problems and the guy was immediately fired.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:06:46 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Very late to the party but here it goes.
There is this one kid in our little group who compusively lies, let's call him Bob. One winter break, Bob goes on a cruise with his mom and is gone for a week or so. Bob comes back from his trip very eager to share his experience. The first part he shares is how he managed to bring along a Fake I.D. (which we all know he does not have) and went to the ship's bar. He says that he got drunk, and met a girl who was very attractive to him, and claims that they had intercourse. Thing is, he has told this story every time, and each time it changes a little bit (i.e. the bartender was a bro and let me in; girl and him continued to hook up; etc). We now tell stories and add in sex and drinking and claim it is true.
charmanderr · 1 points · Posted at 00:08:05 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I work for a company that designs womens apparel. One of my coworkers stated that she would NEVER wear our clothing... As she was flaunting one of our tops.
-taradactyl- · 1 points · Posted at 00:08:11 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
"I'm not drunk...I just woke up...I ran out of my meds...the doctors can't get my meds right..."
Good job mom.
jhn107 · 1 points · Posted at 00:08:50 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Fourteen year old freshmen claimed that she'd already had five children. When somebody asked to meet the kids, she said that they'd all been killed when the chimney fell off her house. She broke down in tears so the principal called an ambulance to take her to the hospital to get checked out. She never came back.
atalossred · 1 points · Posted at 00:08:51 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a guy who would say "One time in high school..." and just rehearse a story he saw on reddit. He knew more of our coworkers were redditors, too, so that was kind of awkward.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:08:56 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Woman I worked with at a call center said she had an IQ of 171, but she had to lie and say it was 169 so that the FBI didn't put her on a terrorist watchlist.
meckii · 1 points · Posted at 00:09:51 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
"I got 200 lasthits in 10 minutes!" - silver elo friend
kimpv · 1 points · Posted at 00:11:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
The company cares about you!
GeminiJackHat · 1 points · Posted at 00:11:18 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend, who shall remain nameless, told me age 13, now age 19, that he met celebrity Cheryl Cole in London and that he lost his virginity to her and to this day he insists that it was true. Since then the story has changed many times, sometimes she was a Cheryl Cole lookalike, sometimes she was a girl his age who looked like her, once he told me it was a distant relative of Cheryl Cole, but most recently he insisted that his original claim was 100% true.
UpLateProcastinating · 1 points · Posted at 00:11:20 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Back in the day when I would play Minecraft with my friends, one of them came up with the story (we were aged 14 or 15, still in school at the time), that he went to Las Vegas to a convention and shared a hotel room with Seananners the YouTuber.
Us being good friends just shrugged it off and pretended to believe it was true though
SlugKing003 · 1 points · Posted at 00:11:36 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy I know who's in his mid/late-twenties claims to have invented the bus.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:11:49 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I work at a place where a lot of veterans, old and young end up working. I've heard some pretty good stories. Not sure why we always end up with a lot of lackeys from the military. Don't get me wrong, I love our vets and our military, it's just the ones that make up fake war stories to try and gain popularity or some kind of macho status. Others are just trying to "fit in" by telling blatant lies.
The ones I have heard lately: "when I was deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan I was on the back of a transport truck standing guard when our truck was hit with an IED. I was knocked off the truck and landed on my chest. I broke at least 4 ribs. I got up and mowed down at least 8 Iraqis. Then I saved the lives of my fellow soldiers."
Bored dude trying to make small talk after he found out other dude used to be in the Marines:
"When I was in the marines I once had to parachute into hostile territory. I landed wrong and shattered my foot. I just tightened up my boot and hiked the 15 miles over mountains and hostile territory and completed my mission."
Dude trying to explain why he couldn't do certain things in defensive tactics class:
"I used to have 60 inch chest at one time in my life. I also killed my best friend in the boxing ring during a fight in Tijuana. I didn't want to fight him but my friend insisted. The money was good so I went along with it. I ended up killing him from punching him too hard. From that day forward I could never box again."
Guy trying to explain a small scar on his arm:
"I had an eagle talon with over 1000 horsepower. It was 100% street legal. I would do illegal races for money. One night I agreed to race another guy for 1000$. Winner take all. This guy didn't know my car could go 0 to 60 in 3 seconds flat. The top speed of my car was well over 250 mph. With my buddy in the passenger seat we take off. I was pretty far ahead when I lost control and wrapped the car around a tree. My buddy was killed instantly. From that day forward I would never race cars again."
I can probably go on forever....ಠ_ಠ
Kotaff · 1 points · Posted at 00:11:50 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh the glories of Pokemon back when game guides you had to buy where the only source of info.
I had a friend who would start the wierdest rumors about his gamefile (without ever showing his game, of course). He had this Totodile who apparently would transform into a blood hungry croc every once in a while.
He also had an eevee that he trained as much during the game's day and night time, so it evolved in a mix of umbreon and espeon. Not how it works, btw.
Those are the 2 main ones I can remember, but I remember him being really adamant about it all, and us other kids being really gullible about it.
ForTheB0r3d · 1 points · Posted at 00:11:57 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
So this friend of mine told me he went to Columbia with his mom to visit family (the true part) and that he was walking on this wooden bridge somewhere when this thief walked by him and ripped the camera from my friends neck. He then said that he chased the thief and fight with him on the bridge. He pushed him up against the wooden railing which broke and they both fell into the water below (not sure how high) and continued to fight in the water. He said that eventually he made it to shore on a beach with his camera and the thief. His uncle apparently witnessed all the commotion and ran down to the beach and grabbed the thief. They got the police involved. Then the dumbest part of the story is that my friend showed me the camera and it looked unscathed.
I highly doubt that story was true because everyone who knows the friend knows he loves to embellish.
catandbean · 1 points · Posted at 00:13:28 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My exroommate told me that the water was so warm in Hawaii, that she was able to surf without any wax on her board at all.
She also went to the vip area of coachella where they dug up part of the polo field for an inground pool. She had a good convo with Lindsay Lohan.
Burquetyger · 1 points · Posted at 00:13:30 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I am sure this will already be buried but I had an ex tell me he was a ninja for the CIA, fighting off the devil for them... Yeah certainly knew how to pick them back in the day....
fuzzyalien77 · 1 points · Posted at 00:15:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
How as a co-op student in high school he worked at a fab shop where he got his all position stick ticket along with several other certifications.
He magically doesn't have the cards, or pictures of them, to back it up. Not to mention he was a shit welder.
ChrisPBacon_ · 1 points · Posted at 00:15:11 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not really to creative but one of my good friends once told me, and still backs it up to this day, that he travelled to the moon onboard an American Shuttle and as proof, supposedly brought back moon rocks, which his mother "accidentally" threw out while spring cleaning.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:15:33 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
In high school I realized a friend of mine was a pathological liar. He would just lie about everything. He would lie about the dumbest most inane things and it wasn't even worth calling him out on it because he would get so defensive about how it was true. So I will share a few of those moments that ranged from comical to infuriating.
He would constantly tell me how he just got into a fist fight with his dad. Like a straight up fist fight and how he held his own. He was around 5 foot 6 maybe 7 and his dad was in the same area. The difference was that he was pretty scrawny and his dad was a cop and was in amazing shape. You could see the dude running around town all the time and he would be running like 8+ miles a day. His dad would of absolutely destroyed him if they ever actually got into a physical altercation. His dad was also the man and one of the funniest guys I ever met. I miss his dad more than him honestly.
Next story! Our families were very close growing up. Me and him were the same age, and our brothers were the same age so we played sports together, hung out together, and our parents hung out together. When we were around 19ish he came over to watch the basketball finals with another friend of ours and when he went to the bathroom his saw my dads wallet on the counter and stole 400 cash from the wallet. Somewhat ironically my dad only noticed when he brought my brother and the liars brother to go deep sea fishing and realized he had no cash to pay for the trip. He called my mom yelling and I had a moment of realization.
My realization was that this piece of shit came to my job at RadioShack and used my shitty 10% employee discount to purchase a rador detector. He told me he was going to and I had one of my coworkers do it because I wasn't working at the time, and I assumed since this kid was UNEMPLOYED and had NO MONEY he was buying one of the cheaper models for like $80. Nope, he bought this $350 belltronics radar detector that was the most expensive we had. The kicker was he payed in all $50 bills, the exact bills that were stolen from my dad. For those who are used the the credit card era, you pretty much never encounter anyone with 50's and my dad is the only person I've ever seen consistently have 50's, so it was sketchy as fuck.
Anyway, so we pretty much know he did it and my mom is super pissed off and goes to his house and talks to his dad who is super calm and kind of knows his son is a turd. When his dad confronts him about it he says that he got it from an ATM at his bank, you know those very common ATM's that give out 50's. Absolute lie. His dad doesn't let up and says fine, show me your bank statement of you withdrawing the 400$ that you don't have. He says he can't because the bank is closed now. His dad says fine, then first thing tomorrow we are going to the bank and you are going to show me this statement. He just kept jumping from one stupid thing to another. It was unbelievable.
The story ends with him continuing denying that he took it, trying to blame the other friend who was there, and then just returning the Radar detector and leaving the cash at my door without ever admitting fault. To this day if I ask him or ever mention it I'm sure he will truly believe that he didn't steal it because that's what its like when you are a pathological liar, you honestly just believe the own shit that comes out of your mouth. The best part is if he went to Best Buy to buy it instead of my to my store we could of never proved it was him and never would of known. My discount was 10%. He just had to not be completely fucking retarded and he would of gotten away with it.
I will try to keep the last story kind of short, and it's more sad than anything. When I was 18, maybe 8 months before the other story a friend of mine died in a tragic accident. He was 2 years older than me and the liar friend and I had known him basically since I was 2 years old. I knew him my whole life and I honestly couldn't say who I would be had I never known him. We went to the funeral and all that jazz and afterwards I just really didn't want to think or talk about it at all, however this stupid pathological liar would bring it up ALL THE FUCKING TIME. "Yo man, we have to poor out a drink for Pat!" every time a single beer bottle came anywhere close to us. It drove me insane. Like I wanted to scream at the kid because honestly, he barely knew my other friend but because hes a pathological liar he tricked himself into thinking we were both best friends with the deceased which was just not true. I felt so fucking torn because it pissed me off so much, but at the same time I know that he actually believes he was friends with the guy because of his pathological lying so anything I said would just make me look like a cunt.
Anyway, no ones going to see this since I'm 14 hours late to the party. This is more cathartic than anything. Haven't really talked to that kid since the stolen money thing which was 7-8 years ago.
lespaul166 · 1 points · Posted at 00:15:36 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Lets see
-His dad was head of development at Microsoft and brought home the new xbox 2 years before it released ("Yeah its gonna be called the ZBox") Never mind that there wouldnt have been any games for it 2 years before release
-His family travelled all around the world, a new country each year, and he was in the US for that year. Refutes his story when he spends all 4 years of high school in the US.
-His family was poor as fuck. We were all chipping in to buy pizza and he didnt bring any dough (It was like, $1) and he started crying and talking about how poor his family was and they all lived at the homeless shelter and slept on the brick floor and never got to eat food. Nevermind the fact that his parents picked him up the next week in a brand new Hummer H2.
-He was a 1337 Haxor who was head of Anonymous. One day we came into school and the internet was down. He ran around telling everyone that it was actually Google that was down and its because he hacked google because they were corporatist assholes, and because google was down, we obviously couldnt access the internet. After the internet came back up he walked around the halls nervously ticking at his notebook with a bunch of bash code HANDWRITTEN in the book whispering to himself about how they were going to catch him and he needed to make himself disappear online. We caught him pacing back and forth in the computer lab (That was glass wall) yelling "fuck" and "Think! Think!" over and over before violently sitting in a chair and typing long lines of code...on HackerTyper
-He was Wikileaks, operating under an alias, and that noone could tell anyone his secret. When we said we would he threatened to put our names at the top of the nations "hit list"
among many, MANY others. For a year he found out his crush liked british accents, so he talked with a painfully fake british accent and claimed he was 100% british.
cdmn119 · 1 points · Posted at 00:15:41 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had a guy come to our church for a while who was a pathological liar. Some of his tales included(and I've sure I've forgotten plenty):
I know I'm forgetting most of his crazier ones, and it's bothering me now....
AndrVern8430 · 1 points · Posted at 00:16:23 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend's 89 year of grandpa that lives in Seattle (we're in NC) owns the Bugatti that was used as a model for the new forza game
Xycaler · 1 points · Posted at 00:16:37 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend who used to lie constantly (probably still does). He talked about once while away at a college weekend (this was in high school) he had sex with a girl under a tree. A few months later he's lamenting how he's a virgin. He couldn't even keep his fucking stories straight.
He was the kind of guy who would write "secret" notes to himself by opening WordPad and typing in Symbol or Wingdings font.
Yeah, that wasn't hard to undo...
mysweetinsanityx3 · 1 points · Posted at 00:16:41 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
IVE GOT ONE HOLY CRAP
My aunt Melissa insisted she was jumped by a group of men, but instead of beating her up they cut her hair into a perfect bob hairstyle.
thebildo9000 · 1 points · Posted at 00:16:53 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy I went to high school with told everyone he had a hole in his heart with an estimated 6 months to live just to try to get an ex girl friend back. It worked, but in a month or two when he "magically" recovered with no surgery everyone found out everything that comes out of his mouth is BS.
He had said he also worked out a lot but lost all the weight due to anorexia. Said he was legally dead at some point from drowning himself in a bath tub but was recicitated. All just BS. Everything.
HereticHousewife · 1 points · Posted at 00:17:10 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy I went to school with lied constantly. His dad was in a garage band, and he'd tell stories of his dad's band being flown to perform for movie stars, and sports figures, also that they played on famous albums and knew famous musicians. And he'd talk about going along on these trips too and personally knowing a bunch of celebrities. But in reality, the only gigs his dad's band played were the occasional wedding or birthday party.
jpoppa17 · 1 points · Posted at 00:18:15 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was a obese child, and in high school I one day somewhat heroically rode my bike 7 miles to school. I was talking to my friends in homeroom about the ride, when another classmate started laughing at me. He went on to claim he rode 100 miles before school everyday. (School started at 7:45am) To this day I see him around and I hear him telling outrageous lies. Idk why people lie like that, it only causes people to dislike you more.
DickabodCranium · 1 points · Posted at 00:19:37 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy told me that he was a professional motorcycle racer with the ability to hold his breath for 7 or 8 minutes at a time. Stuff like this was a regular occurrence with him. I eventually had to fire him for being an inept custodian. I understand his need for fantasies.
beccathisweek · 1 points · Posted at 00:19:47 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He invented the word "jabroni." My friend is not Dwayne Johnson.
Skea_and_Tittles · 1 points · Posted at 00:20:48 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He helped bungee design halo 2 and halo 3. And he came up with the ghost vehicle himself. Said his uncle (it's always the uncle, right?) worked for bungee. This was 2011 and we were 6th or 5th graders at the time. He was totally serious about it all two. Amongst the other lies too
irishguy325 · 1 points · Posted at 00:21:18 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Coworker of mine is such a terrible liar, but it gets pretty funny and keeps us entertained. We've been out for drinks and bar hopping several times and he is one of the most socially awkward guys you'll ever meet. Just a few of these stories: -started out telling a story about how him and his friends went to vegas. Literally turned into the plot of the hangover movie. Denied ever knowing what the movie was, but quotes lines from it ad nauseum. -after bar hopping all night with him and 2 other guys, came back into work that monday and told us he hooked up with those 2 girls he was talking to all night. He didnt talk to any females all night. -several years ago he went to florida, hooked up with a hooters waitress in the bathroom of the restaurant, she said she was pregnant, and 2 years later she showed up in Pennsylvania with his child and tried to drop him off. -claimed to be a state runner up in several track events im high school. I ran track and asked him about it. Could not remember the events he ran in or times, or where it was. (He was 25 yrs old). Also claimed to have received a scholarship to any school he wanted for basketball and track, but a motorcycle accident ruined his athletic career. Said he has steel rods in his leg, but which leg it is changes and sometimes the steel rods were a result of cancer and not the accident. Depends in the day
Nimphus · 1 points · Posted at 00:22:19 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My ex-friend used to love riding his dad's zoid. I believe that it was a Saber Tiger.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:23:29 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
oh man, i know more than one compulsive liar:
this one guy who i went to college with claimed that he came up with the idea for the game SimCopter, and had some kind of certificate from the developers. He would have been 12 when the game was released; I never even bothered to challenge him to produce the certificate.
This chick I work with, who is like 5'4" and like 120 lb or some shit, point is she isn't athletic or anything, claimed that she beat up a naval officer outside of a gay bar in Norfolk, VA. AND she said that she was arrested and the charges were dropped for some reason.
My best friend (while driving us home drunk from a strip club, for what it's worth) confessed that he "used to be a compulsive liar, but wasn't any longer."
sheareel · 1 points · Posted at 00:24:26 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
"When I was in the Army I had 48 inch thighs."
Freerz · 1 points · Posted at 00:24:53 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
In basic training we had a compulsive liar who was recycled (meaning he had to start basic training over again with another unit) had many stories including fighting off a bobcat. The best story though:
"I beat the shit out of my drill sergeant and banged his wife"
Our drill sergeants got wind of it and called the drill sergeant he was talking about to come over. He got his balls smoked off and we were allowed to laugh.
ben_vito · 1 points · Posted at 00:25:56 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Guaranteed there are some compulsive liars in here telling meta-lies about the lies they've heard from some other person.
oddxlogic · 1 points · Posted at 00:26:08 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
So my friends cousin came over with his girlfriend. Now, I'm used to him just saying off the wall shit. However this is was pretty funny I thought. So we are hanging out talking about how many women we have been with. This dude goes "I've slept with just over a thousand girls". Serious as shit. We called him out on it but his girlfriend even came in and said that he slept with over 10000 and then seemed PROUD of him for it. He was 20 years old FYI I did some math and determined how often he would have to have sex with since he lost his virginity and it was more then one a day. He still insisted it was true.
riley2141 · 1 points · Posted at 00:26:10 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Plot Twist: All of the people everyone is describing are all fake because they are the pathological liars.
ChineseBalls · 1 points · Posted at 00:27:13 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Better, a guy in my fraternity was such a liar, and we all knew it. I can't think of any extreme examples of his lying, but we caught on...It became an inside joke to make up a story, and then say that he was there, and he would just agree and act like it happened and he saw it.
SkjCzaero · 1 points · Posted at 00:27:47 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
She makes $100k+ from selling drugs in multiple states, as an 18yo Junior in high school
She bought her trailer house, her dads truck, all of her siblings new phones, tablets, and gaming shit, all secretly so her family doesn't know
But she could be telling the truth...
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:28:09 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had a friend who lied about getting in to yale. He even showed me the “unoffical email” that would soon become offical. Later another friend pointed put that the logo on the email and date of graduation( batch no.) was all wrong. I had defended the guy infront of so many people who had said there was no way he could get it. Felt like a complete idiot. Just one of this many lies. He was the type of person who would say anything to gain sympathy from my mom blames me for my dads death and is a bitch to me, my uncle killed my dad, I was possessed by a demon. Its a good thing I slowly distanced myself from him. I met his mom later by chance. Shes such a nice loving person.
Brillito · 1 points · Posted at 00:28:47 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I met a girl who was a super fan of a young male singer well known in my country, and she told me that she wanted to see him live but she couldn't buy tickets so "she went to the place where he was going to play and started screaming fo him, so in a few minutes the singer came out, they had a talk and he let her in, saw him from backstage, and after the concert he took her to a restaurant, had dinner and finally took her to his hotel room and had sex"
galador · 1 points · Posted at 00:29:09 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend convinced his (soon-to-be) fiance that he had 7 degrees (4 bachelors and 3 masters), yet he was only working an entry-level position at Best Buy.
He managed to get these degrees in about 3 years, so I'll give him credit for the hustle.
Dcusi753 · 1 points · Posted at 00:29:19 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Considering how ridiculous some of these stories are I'm starting to think you all are pathological liars.
LostIronCrown · 1 points · Posted at 00:29:52 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My aunt and her two daughters are all compulsive liars and kleptomaniacs. A few things come to mind, like the time my aunt stole a really nice game set my dad got me for Christmas and claimed she bought it (which I stole back and she never mentioned again), but two things that my cousin lied about come to mind.
My cousin was a model for a time. This was true, as she appeared in magazines and shows. After she graduated from our high school, she auditioned for Fashion Week in Paris and didn't get in. She was understandably bummed. After that, she came with me to one of my choir concerts and saw an old friend of hers who asked her if she went to Paris. My cousin lied to this girl's face and said she had gone and had a great time. That was the exact moment that I realized that I couldn't trust anything she said.
Same cousin is prone to cold sores. During a play, she got one that was rather large and had scabbed over. We brought her medication and she was freaking out over what people would say. I made up a lie for her about how her toddler niece head-butted her and busted her lip. She thought it was brilliant and used it. A few years later, she told me that her niece had head-butted her during that play and how embarrassed she was that she had a sore on her lip during the show. I just looked at her and said, "Emma, that was a cold sore." She tried to argue. I stopped her and said, "Emma, I made that story up for you, remember? It was a cold sore."
Her family is made up of extremely manipulative people. It was during the few years that these things happened that I started to notice that they made me second guess what I absolutely knew was true. Not a great time in my life because they lived with my family. There was a lot of contention.
goldgecko4 · 1 points · Posted at 00:32:23 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This will get buried, but I have a gay acquaintance (I'm gay too, so this isn't intended to bash anyone) who was telling me about his new living situation, with a older lady friend of his and her 16 year old son (he was about 29 at the time).
That's not the obviously fake part.
The obviously fake part is that he told me this woman was not only allowing, but encouraging him to sneak into her son's bed at night, because she was sure her son was gay and thought they'd make a great couple, but he just needed "convincing". So every night, he'd been sneaking into his bed and get more and more intimate and now "the son couldn't go to sleep without his touch" and that's how they're dating.
By the way, my friend is 5'6" and 250lbs of pure gross, and the son has a six-pack, is a CK model, and plays soccer semi-professionally, according to him.
Not only is it an outlandish story to say the least, it's even more disgusting and fucked up if it were TRUE.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:32:45 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy I knew in high school once told me he had aspirations to join the Marine Corps Special Operations unit. Pretty cool.
Then, he went about saying that he found a website that had classified information about black operations that the U.S. conducts on a daily basis & that in one of those files, it was noted that MARSOC had the technology to turn fire into ice.
Dead serious. Took me a lot of willpower to not die of laughter.
dead9er · 1 points · Posted at 00:33:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I worked with a guy who within the FIRST HOUR of meeting him he very casually finds a way to mention how he has "slept with over 500 women" He also: -Had a Megaladon (the big ass shark) tooth that was puts hand up this big -Won state every year in track. (He always insisted it was every year he competed, never specific years) -Had shot someone (this seemed to happen once a year in his life) -Used to do an 8 ball of coke everyday before lunch at his previous job, with the owner of course -About every other Monday he had just kicked some HUGE guys ass that weekend -Ex wife was a famous pornstar, he couldn't tell us who but she still to this day says he's the best she's ever had -Found Abraham Lincolns personal coin collection and graciously donated it to a museum -Found a 67 mustang in "pristine" condition in the sand on a beach in the 80s. Recently sold the car.
mars357 · 1 points · Posted at 00:33:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My wife's ex-husband's mother has died twice in the last 10 years. What sucks is that the bastard used this excuse to get out of spending time with their son.
crankery · 1 points · Posted at 00:33:41 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
OK, we all knew he lived in a tiny apartment in a building downtown. A few people had even been to the housewarming. He claimed to have built a kit airplane in the apartment but couldn't get it out and was considering flying it off the balcony if he could figure out how to get it fully assembled out there.
He also invented a compression algorithm that compressed data 1000:1 regardless of data type, in a single pass mind you. When pressed, he admitted he was having troubles decompressing it reliably.
SoCalCam_AU · 1 points · Posted at 00:34:45 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My soon-to-be sister in law. She's a doozy. Here's a few of the whoppers she's told over the past decade.
During the Cuban Missile Crisis she was kidnapped and held in Cuba. Escaped on a boat.
She was in a terrible car accident and lost her right eye. Luckily, a young boy had just died and she received his eyeball transplant. So lucky the color matched.
Allergic to water.
Allergic to stainless steel.
She met Darryl Waltrip (NASCAR guy i guess) and he let her drive his Nascar car around the track.
She's fucking insane. I used to laugh and try to argue with her, but now I just egg her on to see how ridiculous she can make it.
avantgardeaclue · 1 points · Posted at 00:35:28 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew her back in 2004/05, she was a waitress at a strip club(she was like 300lbs and her teeth were atrocious) in North Jersey where she met the band The Killers
She was half Amish and a tutor in an Amish schoolhouse.
She had tons of tattoos(obvi they were all in places we couldn't see.) And one done by one of the guys from Miami Ink.
spayceinvader · 1 points · Posted at 00:37:09 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Kid told me that he had three of those awesome transforming Megazord toys and he'd give me one if I came over to his house
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:38:02 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A girl I was friends with absolutely loves My Chemical Romance. Another girl (the compulsive liar) who I knew for a while to be full of shit, claimed to have met MCR, and hung out with them backstage. When I asked her what she thought of certain band members, she had no clue who they were. The actual MCR fan stupidly believed her. The same liar also tried to tell us stories about when her and her Mum traveled around Australia with the band Silverchair, who she kept calling 'Civilchair.' In the same conversation, she informs us that her best friend's cousin is Oli Sykes from Bring Me the Horizon, and that he called her cute. She also tried to convince me that her and her friend went to see Rihanna in Brisbane, and that We The Kings were the opening act (which they weren't - as far as I know, that tour never actually happened). According to her, she and her friend followed We The Kings down a set of stairs and hung out with them after watching Rihanna.
LTN13 · 1 points · Posted at 00:38:44 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He as being offered money to play lacrosse in college. He was, in the form of scholarships, but at the beginning of the day when he just told me and one other guy the amount was like 10,000 dollars, by lunch when a large crowd was asking him about this it was like 60,000 dollars. Kid lies about everything.
boringbluesocks · 1 points · Posted at 00:38:53 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My sister in law lied and said that she spilled a coke in the guestroom at my mother and father in laws house and that this resulted in the splotch on the front of the dresser. The splotch on the dresser is because my (now) husband and I were fooling around when no one was home and didn't wipe it off before we showered. So - needless to say I definitely remember having done it. I don't know why she would lie about ruining furniture.
Crwuxly · 1 points · Posted at 00:41:12 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend in high school tried to convince everyone that he was being haunted by a girl called matilda. He got his sister to pretend while he filmed a sketch video. After much questioning he took it up a notch and cut claw marks into his shoulder, he said she scratched him in his sleep. Another lie he told was that he lost his virginity in london on holiday. We asked if he saw big ben and he said he didnt. What person goes to london and doesnt see big ben? I gave him a framed picture of big ben for his birthday to remind him what a dumbass he is.
Zaconcrack · 1 points · Posted at 00:41:23 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Her brother, a United States marine, sacrificed himself to save the other soldiers lives during the Osama bin laden raid. Her uncle also coached the raiders
Rickst75 · 1 points · Posted at 00:41:45 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My distant cousin told a great one at a wedding we were both at. He was telling us all how he was an animator for Pixar. How he couldn't love his job more if he tried. Then he started telling us about how he was a "lead animator" for Shrek. Of course, I have kids and know that Shrek was made by Dreamworks and not Pixar. When I pointed that out he got mad and yelled "You're a fucking idiot!" and stormed off.
HashMaster9000 · 1 points · Posted at 00:41:55 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had an acquaintance freshman year of High School (1997) whom I was forced to carpool with whose Uncle or Cousin allegedly worked for someplace called "The Anime Emporium". It was some massive costuming warehouse which he told me he was flown out to visit via private jet, which had Cosplay costumes that you couldn't find anyplace else, and were super cheap (and he'd get me an even better deal). I was a big fan of Bio-Booster Armor Guyver at age 14, and he told me that I could get an entire suit of Armor with lights and sound for under $200. But every time I asked if I could go with him to visit, I was rebuffed that he couldn't go that weekend and I couldn't go on my own.
I started to think I was being fed horseshit closely thereafter, but only once I remembered another whopper that was told to me by my cousin, about 5 years earlier: There was this place called the "Star Trek Emporium" that had all of the Star Wars, Star Trek, and Sci-Fi toys that could only be found in antique stores by the time I was age 9. He said it was as big as a supermarket and had boxed versions of my Kenner Han Solo Blaster, and an entire stack of Droids Lightsabers in Red and Green. He got me so riled up, I begged and pleaded with my parents (to the verge of tears) to go to this place while we were visiting the family in LA, and they said they had asked my Aunt, only to find out that no place existed by that name. When I confronted my cousin about it, he said "Oh, well they just closed down, like, last year...".
Now whenever anyone mentions the word "Emporium", I get very suspicious if they're full of shit or not...
ELmerchandiso · 1 points · Posted at 00:42:13 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had an assistant manager once who had 9 kids, was a former cage fighter, a former model, was engaged to screech from saved by the bell, had a golden vagina, was accepted to harvard at age 14, wasn't at fault for her DUI which also wasn't the reason she did not own a car......
idk332 · 1 points · Posted at 00:42:23 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
So this guys lies (Or stories i don't believe) include
-Reporting the family of his (Follow me here) Ex GF's Best friends Boyfriend(All roomates together though, this is true) to the INS and getting everyone but that dude deported just because "He felt like it". This supposedly happened AFTER my buddy broke up with his chick
-He gave me an ARMY black flag uniform patch which he had two stories for how he got this patch:
Another soldier gave this "Combat Patch" for serving in africa
item 1 He was deployed to Africa even though he had just started Basic training a few months earlier (Didn't know if this was even possible so i didn't call him out on it
-That his dad offered to buy him a Mercedes but he decided to get a VW Jetta instead
And I think he said his house is haunted too but idk,.. Theres tons of small stuff too, but i never know enough about to call him out on it
Edit: Formatting
And he was stung by a jellyfish a couple days before but had no marks
lizard_wings · 1 points · Posted at 00:42:34 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I knew a girl I suspected to be a pathological liar, and because of it I was hanging out with her less and less.
She claimed to have enlisted in the army, which was her reason for dropping out of college. But then her ship date for training got pushed back. Then it got pushed back again, and again, and again. This was just to go to basic, mind you not even an actual deployment. AND she was a native Farsi speaker so she was valuable to the military's translator program, yet they couldn't get her into bootcamp for over a year before I stop talking to her altogether. The whole time she's going to bars and bragging about how she ships out soon and getting her drinks for free and other bullshit like that.
I found out recently from her sister she finally did go to training... About 3 years after the first time she claimed she joined. So, basically, she dug herself so deep in her lie she didn't have any choice but to enlist and cover her ass. :/
TheNaBr · 1 points · Posted at 00:42:54 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I wonder how many compulsive liars posted stories about compulsive liars in this thread.
GreySilverGold · 1 points · Posted at 00:43:11 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My best friend said that he was born on a plane and that one of our classmates mom was on the plane to help with the birthing process. I called bs right away but he was adamant that it was true, until years later he said he was born in the same hospital as me, to which I replied "You...little...shithead"
jwaterworth · 1 points · Posted at 00:43:30 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
She told me she had a dog while I was at her house... and there was no dog. I asked her where it was and she said upstairs. We went upstairs and there was no dog. It was too awkward.
jedwards999 · 1 points · Posted at 00:43:41 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Substitute told me once that he was there when Malcolm X was assassinated.
Keep in mind he falls asleep in class all the time, and also a ticket scalper
KamikazeWordsmith · 1 points · Posted at 00:44:08 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had a good friend of mine try to bullshit us into believing he was some kind of super secret special ops soldier who would occasionally get sent on secret missions to Iraq and Afghanistan. This was when my friends and I were all still in high school, probably sophomore year. My other friend and I legitimately thought he was trying to joke with us, but it became painfully obvious he was sincerely trying to make us believe it.
Nowadays, we don't really associate with him anymore. He really didn't grow that much more as a person following high school, and it's tough to interact with him as a result. I distinctly recall him saying he missed high school and wished we were all back there, and me just shooting him this insane look. Can't hold a job to save his life, his family raises his son for him...he's a sad sight to see anymore. Like he just quit trying.
Omg-can-you-not · 1 points · Posted at 00:44:27 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He is a time traveler that was born in Russia or Australia. He travelled back in time with his friend to watch the assassination of JFK, him being the man with the umbrella, his friend being the Babushka Lady.
kelseymh · 1 points · Posted at 00:46:01 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This girl said she was from Italy and both of her parents were, too. Neither of her parents or her have even remotely an Italian accent, and she claims that none of them speak Italian because they "lived in the part of Italy where they only speak American" Not to mention I know people who grew up with this girl, right here in America
1PieGuy · 1 points · Posted at 00:47:29 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ok mind you he was drunk at the time, but i had a coworker tell me that he some how pissed off some gang. Then one day he was walking down the street and 12 dudes jumped out of a car, 4 of them with baceball bats and they started to kick the shit out of them. He even said that he got hit on the head with the bats like 4 times. But then he "went full retard strength" and beat up all 12 of the gang members and sent them to the hospital. I then told him that was bullshit but then he said "na man im just like that if i get to mad i just go apeshit and i don't feel pain, and no one can stop me!"
I would always listen to his bullshit but i never heard a better story than that one.
LucidBacon · 1 points · Posted at 00:47:46 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Our flatmate in our first year at uni was ridiculously bad for this; I had no idea people could lie as bad as him... We were discussing name origins and, while I won't mention names, he tried to tell us that his very Welsh and awkward to pronounce name means "with great power comes great responsibility" totally not a quote from fucking Spiderman, no. He tried to convince people that he found a security flaw in Microsoft and because of that that they were funding his university fees. We take computer science together and I know for a fact he's doing fairly subpar, so there's no way a pudgy Welsh goon is getting paid by the largest computer business in the world to study at Swansea university. He also lied to me about having depression, which at the time really pissed me off (and still does) as my aunt had passed recently due to depression. He'll say literally anything to try and make you interested in him; it drove us all nuts.
Rickst75 · 1 points · Posted at 00:48:12 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I also used to work with a guy we called "Tony the Truth". Because not a damn thing that came out of his mouth was truthful. We worked at the phone company together. He informed us he worked for NYTEL for 15 years. That he was a Wall Street banker for 10 years. And that he was an Air Traffic Controller for10 years. Did I mention the guy was about 40 at the time he told us all this shit? He would try to explain the math with his "Tony Math" and it would just complicate matters. He was an odd guy. The funniest thing about him, though this is true, is that his wife kicked him out of the house. So he towed his speed boat over to the garage and parked it near the fence. He ran an extension cord to an exterior outlet and was living off a hot plate and mini fridge underneath the plastic winter wrap. Granted it was only fall. But it was cold at night in New England. And this wasn't a house boat in anyway. And he'd still be late for work living in the damn parking lot. Oh man. I'm laughing. This brought up so many funny memories for me! LMAO!!!
FeelTheRide · 1 points · Posted at 00:49:15 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Old roommate was a flight attendant. She told me she saw someone breast feeding a kitten on a flight.
a_gleeful_giraffe · 1 points · Posted at 00:50:39 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A girl I knew in college told me that she had transferred there after having to drop out of Julliard, and when I asked her about it she said "I used to play violin but I broke my finger in an accident and couldn't play anymore so I had to drop out".
"Which finger?"
"...all of them."
NewTownBurnout88 · 1 points · Posted at 00:50:55 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My old roommate told me once his grandma had died that day because a man who had escaped from jail the day before broke into her house and murdered and raped her, but he said everything was cool because they already caught the guy and brought him back in. This was so ridiculous that even after he said it we both knew it wasn't true, but the intensity of the lie along with how fucked up of a story it was made it way too uncomfortable for either of us to acknowledge it. I found out later after digging around that it was some estranged great aunt that he met probably once who died and he never knew his actual grandma.
kooby95 · 1 points · Posted at 00:51:15 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
We had a terrific liar friend who turned up at a party and claimed he had to get up early because he had a job interview in the morning. After a single beer he was tipsy, he claimed this was because he just came from a pub where he drank like 9 shots and also has 3 job interviews in the morning. By midnight he had apparently been to 16 pubs, consumed all the alcohol in Ireland and had 6 pending job interviews. He passed out, woke up at 2pm and said he has to leave for his job interview. He didnt leave.
RiotingMoon · 1 points · Posted at 00:51:48 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Oh goodie! Knew this kid (we stayed in touch via MAIL/EMAIL for a bit before I gtfo... here are the ones I remember::
edit: remembered more
makinmoneytheflyway · 1 points · Posted at 00:52:17 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
five insanely hot girls were fucking each other and begging him to join in but deep down he knew they were cops trying to set him up so he dove through a window to escape where a pitbull attacked him, he had just barely made it to his truck when out of nowhere four cop cars pulled up, lights on and everything. he bribed them to let him go with no charge for the dope he had on him, and that's why he doesn't have his $400 for the rent
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:52:43 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My uncle married a woman who was a psychologist. That part was true, everyone who knew her could confirm her degrees and the schools she attended. She was a little uptight, but in general she was attractive, smart, he thought he was lucky to have her.
Not long after they were married she told him she wasn't feeling well, went to the doctor, went for tests, and told him (and everyone she knew, including her parents) that she'd been diagnosed with cancer in her thyroid.
She would periodically go to the hospital for treatments, etc. She always drove herself and so on, assuring my uncle that he didn't need to take work off, or that her friend could take her if she was feeling ill from the chemotherapy. She wore a scarf on chemo days to hide her hair loss and biopsy scar "because she was self-conscious about it." I remember going to their house during this time and seeing all the cards on their mantel from sympathetic friends, and my Mom and Dad talking about how terrible it was, she was so young.
And then he found one of her credit card statements. All the money she'd claimed was going to her cancer treatments was being spent on high-end consumer goods. It turned out every day she claimed she was going to chemo she was in fact going on a massive shopping spree instead. She never had cancer. It was just a way to max out the credit cards without my uncle complaining.
Long story short, he divorced her, was depressed for a while, and eventually married a very nice fellow divorcee with a bunch of kids (he always wanted lots of kids). She's great, the kids are great, and they're still together. No relationship is perfect, but hey, at least she's never faked thyroid cancer so she could go shopping at Neiman Marcus.
PM_ME_BERRY_PICS · 1 points · Posted at 00:52:46 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy who lived across the hall my sophomore year was a compulsive liar. He always had stories about flying fighter jets and other military aircraft lol.
When he first told me a story about flying (a normal plane) I was interested, and I asked him a few questions. It all quickly fell apart lol. I have no clue why he kept telling the stories after that, including to people I introduced to him.
slidescream2013 · 1 points · Posted at 00:54:12 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My stepfather was very clearly a pathological liar. If you asked him he was a high ranking officer in the Navy, graduated from Princeton, and definitely wasn't a drug addict. He also claimed that Harry Chapin(the guy that sang "cats in the cradle") was best friends with his parents and was his godfather. After he died of an overdose his brother told us how much of a bullshit artist he was.
exHeavyHippie · 1 points · Posted at 00:54:29 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My mother. "I walked to woodstock".....from Virginia....when I was 8.......
59220911 · 1 points · Posted at 00:55:14 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He knew Paris Hilton and was invited to her birthday.
Different guy- knew 10 languages (definitely didn't) and for some reason people defended him when he refused to even name which languages. Why are people so quick to defend compulsive liars when it's "just who they are"
FionaLenet · 1 points · Posted at 00:55:28 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hilariously, I only came to shift through the stories and see if my best friend does in fact Reddit.
She's easy to lie to~
Kaelaface · 1 points · Posted at 00:56:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he went on a date with a girl and while he was driving her home afterwards she started to take off all her clothes in his front seat and would get out of the car at stop lights and run around and stuff. All because he wouldn't have sex with her that night cuz it was their first date. This guy was in his mid to late forties. Assuming the woman supposedly was as well.
Jaw1580 · 1 points · Posted at 00:56:20 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend (whom I'm actually still friends with; he's gotten better) that tried to convince me he built a Lego transformer. He claimed it was waist high and when I questioned him on it he said he used Duplos to get it to height. I'd also been over to his house a couple times so I asked where all his Legos where to build this thing. They were conveniently in the basement, where we weren't allowed to go. Needless to say I didn't trust anything he said for a while after that.
KittehDragonCaeru · 1 points · Posted at 00:57:22 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
In high-school, this one kid would constantly try to fit in by telling stories related to whatever topic was being discussed by his peers. Some of them were passable, possibly even true. Others... well...
One in particular that stood out to me was we were discussing modded Xbox consoles. He went on to talk about how when he was "hacking" his Xbox the other night, he "saw a 2 in the 1s and 0s."
Binary doesn't work like that. Hacking doesn't work like that. Analyzing machine code doesn't work like that. Modding an Xbox doesn't work like that. There was so much bullshit condensed in that one sentence that I didn't even have the patience to break it down for him.
I simply responded: "No, you didn't."
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:57:23 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had sex on a beach in Mexico with a girl I just met, and we did anal
Mstine1106 · 1 points · Posted at 00:57:53 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
The weakest kid on my highschool rugby team tried to convince us that he was a ufc fighter that was 47-0, so I photoshopped a fight poster of him versus brock lesnar and uploaded it to facebook
heavymetalnz · 1 points · Posted at 00:57:58 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My mate in high school (NZ), convinced that his dad had a massive Land Tank. Like wtf, do we even have those?
Neckwrecker1 · 1 points · Posted at 00:58:10 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had an old friend that to this day I'm never sure which stories he tells were true because he did have some that I verified but others that were absurd. One of his stories was that he had dug a trap pit, a deer fell in it, and he and his other buddy killed it with branches.
fenway_gsw · 1 points · Posted at 00:58:24 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
When I was 7 or 8, my mom convinced me she was a member of the Spice Girls. You can imagine my childhood was one whole big lie.
SeaTwertle · 1 points · Posted at 01:01:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
She was going to get a 125,000 dollar inheritance from her dead grandfather once she turned 25, she was going to move to Florida, she was going to open a restaurant, she was going to turn her apartment into an orphanage for stray dogs and cats.
Tonydanzafan69 · 1 points · Posted at 01:01:19 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
This was an elaborate lie. My sister is an abysmal person. Just yesterday she punched me in the face. Only reason I didn't call the police was because my mom's dying of cancer and I'm not gonna stress her out, which angers me because she's the main source of her stress. AnYway, that was jUst for some backstory about her.
She's a liar, and not a very good one at that. Just last month she posted a picture of herself driving captained that she was going to The Voice auditions 4 hours away. Keep in mind she's an ATROCIOUS singer. Like, really bad, yet every day she sits on her phone singing at the top of her lungs and annoying everybody. She makes collabs on some app with nine year old girls basically. Her baby was in the backseat of the picture. Then she posted a picture of herself at the auditions, holding a certificate saying she made it, hashtag tv appearance. Then she told all her friends, and her ex mother in law, that she made it and would be going to more auditions. In reality, she took her baby out for a ten minute drive just so she could take a picture on the freeway of her and her baby to give the illusion that she was driving to Atlanta for these auditions. She photoshopped a picture of herself at auditions, in front of a banner holding a fake certificate. Then she forced my mother to lie about the audition when the ex MIL called my mom to congratulate her on it. My mom was embarrassed about this garbage.
This lunatic took time out of her day to take a picture on the freeway with her baby, print out a fake certificate, and then Photoshop herself into a picture of a supposed televised audition holding said certificate. All because she's a miserable narcissist who doesn't get as much attention as she wants, so she does stuff like this when she's not threatening to kill herself and cuss out teenagers. She's 30. Yeah, safe to say she's a nut job.
14Phoenix · 1 points · Posted at 01:01:24 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I had a friend in high school who was brand new to the school, he joined our circle of friends because I offered. I never knew what we were in for. (Will call this guy Lead)
He was about 16 years old and told us that he had just came from a "military school" in Sidney Australia, not that out of the ornery, we had a friend who came from a military background in South Korea. He told us about the extensive training that he got at this school, and we started getting suspicious when he told us about the flash bang.
So lead was in this military school and his mates decided to play a prank on him where you tie a string to a door and a flash bang, the idea is when you open the door you get a flash bang to the face. According to Lead the flash bang went off and a piece of shrapnel penetrated his left eye rendering him colour blind. Not shore how many of you know how a flash bang works but to my understanding, the casing of a flash bang dissolves on combustion.
After this the lies go more and more absurd, Lead told us that in the now "top secret" military school, he, was exposed to teargas without a gas mask, went sky diving, was waterboarded, and put into then came to America to shake the hand of Obama.
Now at this point the mates and I are just hanging a blast hearing about Leads amazing military life, he the reveals to us that before the military school he also lived with his aborigines grandpa in the bush where he learned to play the didgeridoo and was made to go on a walk about where a boy is made to live in the wilderness for a period as long as six months to make the spiritual and traditional transition into manhood. Ironically enough our school went to an aboriginal culture museum where Lead was given a chance to show us his skills with a didgeridoo, he blew into it as hard as he could...
This is already a long post so I'll cut out the story with the helicopters, and go straight on to his largest and most top top secret secret.
Lead was born in 1999, now to those of you who don't know 1999 is the year of the Dragon (it's not but Lead said it was) and Lead was really good with computers, like he knew key strokes such as ctrl c and ctrl v and he was supposedly a grate hacker. Now according to Lead there are three branches to the Illuminati... One of them being the Dragon clan, aka the hacker clan. Lead was born in the year of the Dragon... He's good with computers... LEAD IS PART OF THE ILLUMINATI!!! I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my life!
TL;DR: had a friend who was from a top secret military base, is an aboriginal, and part of the Illuminati. All at the age of 16
SpasticFeedback · 1 points · Posted at 01:04:40 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My father claimed to have been a fighter pilot in Vietnam. And then told me stories about marching through swamps and getting leeches stuck in his boots. Not sure what a flyboy was doing in the swamps, but whatever. Then he said he lost partial hearing due to the heavy weapons firing that was going on nearby.
Oh, and then he was also a Navy SEAL. And went on clandestine missions.
And he magically remembered that he was a black belt in tae kwon do after my mom put us in karate. He, of course, received his black belt while in the military.
Once my brother and I got our black belts, he actually said he was mistaken - he was a 2nd degree black belt. And then when my brother got 2nd degree, my father magically got a letter in the mail from his long lost instructor explaining to him (gotta remember this is like 20 years later) that he had intended to promote him to 4th degree black belt before they parted ways and so now he wanted to promote him officially. Not sure what happened to 3rd degree, but whatever. He happened to get the letter a few days before my brother's belt test and made sure to open it while we were in view.
Also, my father said he used to lift weights with Arnold Schwarzenegger, wrestled with Hulk Hogan, dated Victor Borge's daughter, and also dated the daughter of one of the founding members of one of the Five Families (mafia families in New York, though I don't remember which).
My father insisted on keeping up the charade even until his death, despite confronting him with a copy of his military history (which shows he was never even in Vietnam). His excuse? Clandestine operations.
Ofcourseyouhavedear · 1 points · Posted at 01:06:15 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
She was in her 20's and we literally spent 20 hours of every single day together. She comes up with this Romance Novel boyfriend, in truth an ex who dumped her years earlier. She'd go on and on about romantic excursions, nights spent reading poetry to one another, being in each others' arms all night long......Uh, stupid? When did this romance blossom? In the middle of the night while you were sound asleep?
totallysunkdude · 1 points · Posted at 01:07:24 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
-he and his wife were having trouble getting pregnant. The doctor pulled out a big book of all different size dongs. He went through the book page by page until he gt to the end. Turns out his dick was too big to get his wife pregnant. -he once crashed his plane in the ocean off Alaska. After a week in a life raft he finally made it back to land and walked in on his own funeral -was late to work because on the way to work the police department called him to the scene of an accident to emt an old lady(is not an emt) and she died in his arms man
Lunar_Renaissance · 1 points · Posted at 01:07:32 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
There was a girl I went to school with who, faked cancer. Faked having a double mastectomy. Faked being an only child, only to have her brother come to said school 3 months later. Told people she grew her hair 10 inches in 3 months. She even tried to tell people me and a friend who called her out, were bullying her. Her best lie though, she obviously wore contacts, her bf at the time asked her why. She said she didn't, she just stared at the sun to "tan her eyes" hence the color change.
mtaks7700 · 1 points · Posted at 01:08:43 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My previous friend claims to have a private island off Panama. He gave it some fake ass name and I looked it up. I humiliated in front of the class
Fugilio · 1 points · Posted at 01:09:19 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know a compulsive liar, known him since a couple days ago
it's me
mrboomer12 · 1 points · Posted at 01:23:26 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
so is it ok to trust you on that?
dakuda · 1 points · Posted at 01:10:18 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I had a friend tell me that everyone at his university drank a keg a day.
Afternoon we all graduated, he also told us that a strip club in Vegas was a good customer of his. They weren't sure who he was, but he dropped the right name and got us free bottle service at least. Here worked out of Vegas at the time, so they should've at least recognized him.
He claims to have dated a 25 yo stripper in high school. Not true. He told us once that she "smiled as she went down for a hot Carl". He obviously didn't know what that was at that time.
We're not sure why he lies as much as he does. We're already friends, you don't need to impress us.
Scorpinock · 1 points · Posted at 01:10:38 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend told me his dad flew Airwolf for the show (we lived in rural Pennsylvania, and his Dad drove school bus) and aliens came and stole his firewood.
SmallLumpOGreenPutty · 1 points · Posted at 01:11:14 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That she was the sole surviving child out of about 9 other kids, that she'd had a twin sister who committed suicide by jumping off a cliff when they were five years old, and whose last words to her were "I love you" which was why she could never say "I love you" to anyone else, after which she spoke to her mum on the phone and ended it with, yes, "I love you".
One day she had the rubber disc out of the top of a fizzy drinks bottle and she was holding it in her mouth, saying her father had come up with a new tooth-straightening method. She also said that she had an 18-year-old rugby-playing boyfriend who was best friends with one of the twins from Good Charlotte (a band I was heavily into at the time, which she knew) and she liked to comment repeatedly on how her parents were going to get her the exact same breed of dog I was desperate to get.
She was fucking bonkers and I still hate her.
ReconV2 · 1 points · Posted at 01:12:54 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Unfortunately, for me, this is about my father. Here's a few of them.. Told me my mother was a stripper so I needed to keep tabs on her or else she'd leave me behind.
Told me the reason they aren't married is because she won't say yes despite already being married and living with his family before and during the time he was seeing my mother and telling her he was in the middle of a divorce.
Told us he didn't have money despite inheriting over 6 figures 2x in his life. So while me and my mom struggled to buy food, he was taking scuba and skiing trips with his other family. While I was dying in the hospital he said the reason he couldn't show up was because he had found out he had cancer and had been doing chemo and radiation therapy. Come to find out there was no cancer instead his boss said he needed to lose weight or else he couldn't keep his job. This continued for over 8 years before I found out from someone else it was bullshit and he just didn't want to be seen with me and my family.
Told me his other kids wanted to meet me and were excited even though they had never known about me and he lived with them like me and my mother never existed.
Told us a friend let him borrow a truck when he actually had spent a ton of money on a new one and didn't want us to know he had money again.
Used to tell me he was going hunting and would disappear for 6 to 7 months without me ever hearing from him. This is even more infuriating knowing all the times my friends said their dad was going hunting and I'd say something along the lines of, "How can you be okay with him being gone for so long?". Come to find out hunting trips are like a weekend tops.
Once I contacted my siblings from his side and when they confronted him about it he said I was a liar that he'd never met and was just trying to blackmail their family for money..ugh
There's a million more things, but I'll leave those for a different day.
confusedperson910 · 1 points · Posted at 01:13:16 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That at 15 Wiz Khalifa let him tour with him the entire summer and smoke hella blunts but couldn't take any picture because Wiz Khalifa would get in trouble. Okay first things first, Wiz Khalifa doesn't smoke blunts, he likes joints. And I personally don't believe Wiz Khalifa would let a child tour and smoke marijuana with him for an entire summer but yeah. My friend lies a lot but he's cool sometimes.
BlizKid · 1 points · Posted at 01:14:29 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He took over as head of concept art at Bethesda, replacing a chimp named Bobo. We were 15 at the time.
ra42890 · 1 points · Posted at 01:14:40 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he saved the mayor from being assassinated and got a medal for it.
catsarebetterthanppl · 1 points · Posted at 01:15:13 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he has adopted a baby panda to take care of for some unknown reason and went to pick it up from the airport while riding his Lambo.
HeadForStage · 1 points · Posted at 01:15:19 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A compulsive liar I know and adore for his sheer aduacity told us for years that his dad was a pilot and a porn star. Turns out that out of all the consistent mild lies he tells us, that was actually the truth...
Belgand · 1 points · Posted at 01:15:39 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My father has claimed to have served in Vietnam, often as a member of Marine Force Recon. Including to veterans who were there. He was in the Marines for a few years serving out his requirement for ROTC, but he never left San Diego. He's also a good decade too old for Vietnam and doesn't have anything close to the body type to be even a former member of Force Recon who left himself go.
Still, I've seen him pull it off for decades.
Battle_Biscuits · 1 points · Posted at 01:16:10 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he was a chef in the SAS.
This was from a small highschooler aged around 15 to 16.
Gen_GeorgePatton · 1 points · Posted at 01:16:38 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Highschool "My family used to be rich but the CIA hacked our bank account and stole all our money so we had to sell our mansion."
faber95cf · 1 points · Posted at 01:17:21 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A friend said he took a dump at Robert Kraft's house. He said that Kraft owned the crappy hvac company he worked at and asked him to visit.
TheEpicBoss95 · 1 points · Posted at 01:17:33 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh boy, a little late, but here it goes.
There was this guy with whom I went to high school and he told the most bullshit things ever. Which include:
saying he just nicked a kid while riding his 4-wheeler which changed to him flattening him
saying he drank an entire gallon of gasoline. When we asked him how he wasn't dead he said "oh well I threw it all up after"
he had a grenade fight with a gang in our state capital
I was fascinated every five he told us something
anonBF · 1 points · Posted at 01:18:40 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
An 18 year old college freshman told me that he used to work at a race track, and rich people would bring him their super cars so that he could drive them around the track, teaching the owner how to race & drift their cars.
timothycavinaw · 1 points · Posted at 01:19:25 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
There was this guy I knew at a job who really disliked one of our mutual coworkers. He would tell stories that the guy was a drug dealer, that he had been caught and had a felony so he couldn't get another job, he'd seen that guy's email and found craigslist ads that the guy had been paying for male escorts to give him blowjobs, that he'd been in some accident as a kid and had plates in his face... it was crazy. The saddest part was that he hated this dude so much that he eventually fucked him over and got him fired. He was the main salesman for our company and they went out of business shortly after.
PM_Me_Useful_Stuff · 1 points · Posted at 01:19:25 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Friend of a compulsive liar, there were tons of small ones I suppose you could say are harmless, she interned in China and Atlanta while also dancing in LA one summer.
She had an elaborate one that actually made me forget she tangles a mighty web of lies:
Her mother had a sister that she was never told about because she was older and left her parents home at a really young age. Apparently she has psychic powers and; after spending her youth dancing and attending law school at Berkley (while originally being from rural China) decided to shack up in the mountains conveniently in Southern California (where my friend lives) and has been a world famous psychic for decades now.
This estranged aunt contacts my friend and says she has a few letters that my friend needs to read because it has to do with her future and what she should be doing the next ten years.
My friend was going to visit her that weekend and told a good group of people about this, we all asked to go with her because it sounded like an amazing adventure. But we couldn't because she rented the cabin with some guy she was banging and we would be awkwardly hanging out.
She went and came back. We asked what happened and all she said was that her and boy toy broke up and that it was good we didn't go it would have been even more awkward. She didn't see her aunt.
mrboomer12 · 1 points · Posted at 01:19:50 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I feel like some of the people in this thread are a little unbelievable, does that count?
kossmeimbose · 1 points · Posted at 01:19:57 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend is dating a guy I knew in high school. Back then I knew he was a compulsive liar and he had a bit of a god complex, but a few months ago I learned that he had surpassed that. He told my friend that he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Not recently diagnosed, no. He's had it for years according to him. This kind of cancer will kill you, with or without treatment, in 1-2 years. Unless this guy has super human powers, there's no way he has any kind of cancer. Worst part is, she's never seen him go to a doctor or take medicine for it or lose his hair from chemo. His previous girlfriend was also told the same lie and they dated for 4 years.
Nnickynick · 1 points · Posted at 01:20:39 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend has told us so many lies over the years. He's even lied to us about stories in which we were present and apart of. This guy is a mid-30's, heavy set guy, and he's not exactly eye-appealing. He's given us a very extensive list of jobs he's done over the years (he's only had one since we've known him for over 10 years and have actual proof of one other), two of my favorite being a male stripper and a drug dealer. Lmao, he wouldn't make it a day as a dealer. No street smarts. He can be a good friend, but sometimes it's so hard dealing with the unnecessary lies!
iwahfc · 1 points · Posted at 01:20:50 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Worked with someone like this for a summer. According to him, he...
-Had a girlfriend and a son who were his dependents for taxes
-Owned the house next to his parents' and their house too and made them pay rent
-Drove a Corvette (despite me seeing him getting picked up from work by his mom)
-Was a professional tennis player with a shot to play in the US Open. This pissed me off especially because our boss would give him days off when he would go to "tennis tournaments" though the lie was pretty transparent.
It was an interesting summer to say the least.
fassaction · 1 points · Posted at 01:21:12 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A kid down the street tried to convince our third grade class that his uncles were Michael Jordan and Michael Jackson.....the kid was white. He got really upset when nobody believed him.
Chief_Killemquick · 1 points · Posted at 01:21:21 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A friend of mine went to the army and we kind of lost touch. A couple years go by and i get a call from him out of the blue. He tells me he won the lottery and how hes gonna buy me a car and all this shit. He was really convincing, like he planned it out all out and everything. It was obviously a lie confirmed by everyone. He did it to a couple others as well. Just really weird.
drmonocleVII · 1 points · Posted at 01:22:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
His dad had a thousand caliber gun. Yeahh.... I don't want to remember more.
HockeyNightPGH · 1 points · Posted at 01:23:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Late to the party but,
My mother embezzled somewhere between $50000 and $100000 from her job over 25 years, no one knows how much exactly. They never found a dime and she made good enough money that she didn't need it. She will still say to this day it was for a dying friend in the hospital, they got better and went home. Won't give a name.
This probably isn't even the craziest story about her unfortunately
zombies8urbrain · 1 points · Posted at 01:27:08 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This will probably get buried but I had a guy tell me and my mom that he graduated from Yale with honors but he decided that he would rather move to South Africa to become a professional skateboarder because he was invited by another professional skateboarder to do so. And they would live together in a house full of other professional skateboarders.
My mom was really happy I wasn't dumb enough to believe this moron and go on another date with him.
I ended up just hanging out with him again for entertainment.
Another lie he told me was that his brother was a professional body builder and he would be able to beat any ones ass in less than a minute and crush their bones. I met his brother. The guy was 5'1 and probably weighed 100lbs soaking wet.
He also told me he was planning on working at Nasa after he came back to the states from living a year in South America.
NailArtaholic · 1 points · Posted at 01:27:11 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Knew one that told everyone her father raped her and got her pregnant. When it was time to "show" she announced she had a miscarriage. Then she added on that her father went to prison and her mother died shortly after.
I went and told everyone the truth. There were a lot of upset people...
KritKommader · 1 points · Posted at 01:27:31 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Knew a guy who was a horrible liar, we would fuck with him by making up outrageous stories, then wait. In about 8-10 days, he would repeat the story back, word for word, except it happened to him.
thatguy_1776 · 1 points · Posted at 01:27:32 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Guy told us that he was supposed to go to Panama City Beach for spring break but a call came up that he had to traffic cocaine from Honduras to Texas for his dad. But, as he told us earlier in the semester, apparently his parents were killed on 9/11 in the towers. But, apparently again, his mother ALMOST died in Haiti during the earthquake. Never could keep his stories straight, that guy. There's more but those are the biggies.
TheDoju · 1 points · Posted at 01:27:35 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Him and his friend fought in the Syrian war. Says he's got gunshot wounds to prove it yet he never wants to show them . He's a sophomore in high school.
Zassasaurus · 1 points · Posted at 01:31:26 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My ex slept with a chick he just met at a party then broke up with me for her a week later.... he tried to justify it by telling me that this chick was engaged when they met (a week ago) and had broken up with her fiance for him, her fiance had then committed suicide and she was threatening to commit suicide if he didnt leave me for her.
BatmanRises · 1 points · Posted at 01:31:56 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
She sent me a nude picture of herself in snapchat chat 10 minutes before I check it. I didn't check it and I waited another 20 minutes and she sent a text message in snapchat chat saying her bf sent it to me
Amaranthology · 1 points · Posted at 01:32:31 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Junior in high school tried to convince me she was Sailor Moon... This was 13 years ago lol
withpurpose · 1 points · Posted at 01:32:35 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Old coworker said they sang at Carnegie Hall. Heard her sing at work once and it was horrible. Maybe she sang out loud WHILE at Carnegie Hall once?
Oh man, she was a trip. Always a one-upper!
laaiin · 1 points · Posted at 01:33:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My Aunt (by marriage) claimed her first born was potty trained by 6 months.
FartasticBlast · 1 points · Posted at 01:33:13 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This one time she told a story about landing under gunfire in Bosnia for an event, had to do an evasive maneuver and all. She went all around the tv saying the same story as well. But when video came out showing she was lying, she just said that she misremembered what had happened.
CrypticC62 · 1 points · Posted at 01:33:42 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had the hots for a female human, Shassandraliqua. I mentioned this to her also female co-worker, Tiffanelleaux, who claimed that Shassandraliqua had a boyfriend, was a raging bitch, and once threw a handful of coathangers at her for no reason.
Suspecting foul play, I asked Shassandraliqua about this incident. She said she had never met Tiffanelleaux.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:35:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
We were 8 and he said he was a pro dirtbike rider and that he jumped the grand canyon and sanfran greatbridge at the same time. He cried because i didnt believe him.
CharizardCat · 1 points · Posted at 01:35:19 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
In high school, a friend told us he got kicked out of the library for reading too much.
Lamshoo · 1 points · Posted at 01:36:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know this girl who claims she witnessed her aunts death and is going to testify in court soon (has been saying this for 5 years) and as a result she has crippling depression that made her suicidal so she had to go to a mental hospital. The last one really bothers me because I have a friend who that actually happened to and it bothers me when people don't take it seriously
MusicalFitness · 1 points · Posted at 01:36:12 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm really late to the party, but my step brother is one. A few of the gems w heard when we drove his ungrateful ass 10 hours because he refused to fly.
He spent 4 hours reeling in a 4 ft wide stingray the day before.
He could "only" squat 500 pounds 5 times when he started working out. (He is about 5'10 160. I've been strength training for years at 5'9 150 and can barely hit 285 for 1 for reference.)
He shot a national guardsman. Said he shot rim right below the ribs because there "aren't any vital organs there."
He saw a black hawk helicopter get shot down in front of him.
He could play extremely difficult drum tracks. I called him out on this because i am a drummer, so I told him to play my set. He refused and his mom told me he has never played before. He even played a recording and claimed it was him.
Every single girl our age that we saw "looked like his ex". I'm talking driving to the beach 20+ times in a summer and probably 90% of them made him slink down in his seat so they couldn't see him.
I'm sure there are more but I haven't seen him in a couple years so these are what I remember. It is a shame not many will get to hear about these lol.
justlurkin95 · 1 points · Posted at 01:36:39 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He had won a Ferrari, in a contest for MTV, and that they'd be swinging by later that week to interview him and drop off his new car... A month or two after that, he got a sponsorship, from Monster Energy, to further his racing career! There were indeed crudely stenciled Monster logos painted onto his early 2000s, 4 cylinder Ford Escort later that week. They also appear to have paid for a hood scoop, so the engine could really perform between corners during rally races.
aclay81 · 1 points · Posted at 01:36:40 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A janitor at the place I worked told us that in his youth he and his motorcycle gang drove through a tornado.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:36:54 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A coworker hadn't shown up for his shift to relieve me, and my supervisor called him and it was obvious he had just woken up. Supervisor ended the call, I continued working.
The coworker called the supervisor back saying that there was a vehicle accident on the highway in front of him and that he stopped to help. Mind you, the location he mentioned is close enough to work that any of the security officers outside would've easily been able to hear sirens.
The supervisor called me after the coworker called back saying that the ambulance arrived and he was on his way again. We both knew it was bullshit. When the coworker finally arrived, he started apologizing, and I angrily, sternly said "I don't want to fucking hear it."
Hasn't talked to me much since.
Choloco · 1 points · Posted at 01:39:12 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Guy from the neighborhood we were about 12 biggest fucking liar on earth. Had a trampoline in his backyard, barely fit, said he jumped from the first floor's roof and landed on the second. Same liar had a crystal backpack we weren't allowed to see cuz it would break. Same liar also owned a car, no he really owned and drove around an ugly-ass muscle car with obnoxious bright yellow/orange paint, we all called it Fanta-mobile.
politicaloutcast · 1 points · Posted at 01:42:37 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I once knew a guy who tried to convince me he lost his virginity to a supermodel when he was in kindergarten. Just so you know, this guy was, like, 300 pounds in 9th grade
MadScienceDreams · 1 points · Posted at 01:42:45 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I still love you...
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:43:03 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I hate that I'm so late to this. Guy I went to school with said that some Marines were chasing a criminal through the forest and they saw that he had a hunting rifle with him and asked him to be their cover. So many things just wrong with this story.... But he had a straight face. He also told us his grandpa gave him a car, a Mustang, but he couldn't have it until he was 23. He's a male model on Facebook now.... Or so he says.
writetheotherway · 1 points · Posted at 01:43:33 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
One of my students was a compulsive liar. Some of my favorites:
my two headed parrot bit my finger off this morning! (still had all ten fingers)
I'm really good friends with Justin Timberlake.
I have a signed Eminem poster. I was going to give it to you, but I forgot it on the bus.
I have a million followers on YouTube.
I fell asleep on my laptop last night because I was talking to (some YouTube celebrity)
I need to use the computer! I have an assignment to do and no computer at home.
My mom never gave me milk or formula as a baby, she filled my bottles with coffee.
madkeepz · 1 points · Posted at 01:43:51 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A friend of us whose father was in the navy told us when he was arpund 14-15 that he was friends with the peeps there and he was working intel for them. We called him "Commando". He'd drop by and say shit like "yeah last night we went to pick up some dudes trying to smuggle dope, they shot the shit out of us but we got em". A few years later I saw him at a party, sorrounded by 16-17 year olds telling some stories bout "his work" and they were looking at him like fucking rambo. I got out of there as soon as I could because I didn't wanna ruin his show. It was kinda sad because his dad was an abusive alcoholic and the guy just really wanted to fit in with us who were not rich but we definitely weren't struggling for shit
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:43:54 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Guy tried to convince me that the Pokemon Snap pictures he had taken and printed out were actually real Pokemon he had found in the wild.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:44:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
His cousin was Wiz Khalifa
He got 4 chicks pregnant despite nobody wanting to go near him
His dad died on 9/11 yet was still able to somehow pick him up from school in 2007
I met his mother once, she worked at a middle school and was working in the attendance office. She was nearly the same way except she gave subtle hints that she was joking every couple of statements. He had to have gotten it from her but he completely missed the tone down at the end of it.
Dictionary_Goat · 1 points · Posted at 01:44:16 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I once knew someone who claimed he had lost the last round of Buzz because the controller had shocked him so hard he had yelled "Oh fuck!" and the game then said "Oh fuck is not the right answer". Because as we all remember Buzz had controllers that shock you and voice recognition software that not only detected what you were saying but could also say it back to you.
Schmackie · 1 points · Posted at 01:44:30 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I work with a someone who is 21 years old, and is intellectually disabled. He doesn't have a license and he constantly tells me about the time he and his cousin used to race in this beefed up muscle car and how he used to work on it all the time. He also says that he knows how to drive manual when he has never touched a car.
He takes other staffs stories and uses them as his own. I work with him as a home care provider.
rezaal108 · 1 points · Posted at 01:44:59 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He was behind my friends car and i was standing beside him while my friend was in the car. My friend backs up and the guy freaks out, he told everyone that my friend ran over his foot. I was beside him the entire time and it wasnt evem close. I have to admit he did a good job carrying on the lie, he was still limping weeks after the "incident". Anways, i could have spilled the truth and labeled him as the fraud he was at any time but the thought of doing so made me cringe as he seemed so commited to the lie.
ialmostcried · 1 points · Posted at 01:45:19 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he has a plan when he has no fucking idea what he's doing. Do you have the investor lined up? You swore he is real and that you'll have w chequer next week. People are counting on your honesty. We've signed a fucking contract. Anyway, no investor
I_Am_Macs_Duster · 1 points · Posted at 01:45:30 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sister's ex-boyfriend was 5'6ish and MAYBE 180 lbs in High School. He did NOT play on the high school football team but somehow he was going to Michigan State after graduation to play football on scholarship after trying out. I ran into him that fall at a hometown football game. "Hi Sister's ex! Why are you here? (We lived in a small town in SE Minnesota near Rochester) I heard you were playing football for Michigan State." He says, "I am. I just commute. Daily." It's 9 hours away.
auriolrd · 1 points · Posted at 01:45:31 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm late to the party but the compulsive liar I went to high school with once told people her dad owned half of Abercrombie and Fitch but she asked that nobody share that info because nobody else knew, not even her mom.
pr0fess0r · 1 points · Posted at 01:45:58 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
How they were going to "make America great" again
FlashGrow · 1 points · Posted at 01:46:05 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
The dealership stole the engine out of his corvette and replaced it with a smaller one when it was in for repairs.
Turpss · 1 points · Posted at 01:46:55 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I play Counter-Strike a lot with my friends. My group of friends has this one guy who says he has a $4000 gaming pc, gets 700 fps (frames per second) on average, and his main account was Legendary Eagle Master (which is a pretty good rank) although the is trash.
kylekeck · 1 points · Posted at 01:46:58 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My cousin whom im with all the time is one. The last one she told me just made me laugh. I had gotten her a little 97 honda crv for 300 bucks with like 197000 miles on that bad boy. A few days ago i had looked at her odometer and it read 200350 miles. So not to much of a difference. I mean shes only been driving for a year and a half, she just graduated high school. The problem came when she told me straight face she had put 130000 miles on her car herself. She said "your mom has me driving everywhere every day" (she lives with my mother) but even if that were the case there is no way in fuck she would have drove 130000 miles in a year and a half. This is just a recent one, but she seriously gives me the most stupid fucking lies every other day. The last big one that finally made the family listen to me and agree we need to get her into therapy, which we have not gotten her into yet because my mother is slacking; is she was in a small town driving home from my aunts and saw an accident. What she told us. A semi truck had hit a motorcycle and cut the guy in half, literally she said his legs were off guts hanging out, and she held him as he died and closed his eyes. Also she said the semi drover was high and drunk. Now when we looked it up online there was an accident where she was. But with a whole new story. What really happened was a small compact car hit 2 motorcycles and they both lived. No drugs, no death, no semi and 2 not 1 motorcyclist. Also another cousin of ours actually knows the kids who were hit. So we had an even bigger back up on that one. When we confronted her she just said "that's not my accident." it just drives me insane. Sorry for the long rant, this will probably be buried anyway. If you want to know any more stories i have hundreds.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:47:34 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That they want to unite the Democratic party of the US for the greater good of the people.
Lokeytrump · 1 points · Posted at 01:48:21 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A kid threatened to kill me with the 22 he killed his first dear with last easter Sunday with his dad who is a dnr officer haha wtf
fakenewb · 1 points · Posted at 01:48:45 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A friend of mine told me over thanksgiving holiday from college once that there was a fatal shooting at a football game at his school. I don't know how he thought people could believe him when that would obviously be a national headline most likely...
Ms_Nevadian · 1 points · Posted at 01:49:23 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My mother was dying from a mysterious disease, and she's been dying for as long as I can remember. As far as I know, still alive.
fillecoquette · 1 points · Posted at 01:51:08 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This guy in my high school circle of friends was beyond well known for being a compulsive liar about his life, and he was just so bad at it. My favorite was when he told us one day in class that he was becoming wiccan, which gave him the added power to speak with bees. At that I bust out laughing. He got so angry he promised me he could send bees after me to hurt me, which made me laugh even more. Have yet to be stung by a bee in the 14 years since.
Smitesfan · 1 points · Posted at 01:51:46 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I drive 200+ (240 once!) miles per hour home on my Yamaha R1 on the interstate from WV to Jersey. The guy is an idiot.
SpaceDandye · 1 points · Posted at 01:52:31 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
She loved me
Jikiru · 1 points · Posted at 01:55:05 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I once met a 12 year old who said he f-ked my mother.
He's obviously never seen her face
badbxtchzimurleader · 1 points · Posted at 01:55:09 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Everything that comes out of my son's mouth.
epicface4412 · 1 points · Posted at 01:55:10 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This girl kept bragging about how rich her dad was (I get $1000 on Christmas), but also was the kind of person who would threaten to tell their dad at the drop of a hat. One day I made a joke about how her dad was too overpowered (ooh, I'm so scared , -blank- is gonna tell her rich daddy on us) and then she started crying and saying how she was poor, terribly off,blah blah blah. A week earlier I heard her bragging about her season pass to a theme park four states away.
red_vag_of_courage · 1 points · Posted at 01:57:15 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This dude I used to work with used to tell the worst lies. One delicious nugget in particular was that he had a photo from his childhood of his dad choking him like Homer would choke Bart on the Simpsons. He added a layer by telling us that a scene from the Simpsons where Homer chokes Bart is on the TV in the background of this cherished childhood memory. When we asked him to bring the photo, he quickly back-peddled with mumblings about his dad "losing the photo in the divorce."
punkwalrus · 1 points · Posted at 01:57:51 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have met various pathological liars over my lifetime. If they are liked, they are "great storytellers" or "teller of tall tales." If not, well, "fucking liars."
What gets me is that so many of these people don't need to lie. For instance, I know one guy who was a jouster for a local Renaissance Faire. He worked at a lot of sci fi and anime conventions, and met celebrities. A polyamorist with a few hot girlfriends. These I have personally witnessed. And yet... sometimes when he's the center of attention, his lies take over him like a possessive spirit. You can see that look, like he's drawn up in some tornado of exaggeration. And he clearly does not have control because he'll lie right in front of people who can prove him wrong. For instance, I am pretty good with IT. I have taken apart and built all kinds of computers. So he starts in, saying he built a desktop with 32 processors and a terabyte of RAM. This was 10 years ago. Some servers have that now, but they certainly weren't in desktops back then. I asked him what kind of cooling this system has. I mean, 32 procs and 1tb RAM must generate a lot of heat in a tight space. He starts making up this bullshit about the desktop was sealed in a vacuum, which cooled the processors at "sub-zero temperatures" because nothing gets hot in the vacuum of space, right? Wow. Another time, he's describing someone who got injured while jousting. The EMTs had to open up his chest right then and there with a "chest spreader." Did open heart surgery right there in the dirt field while the audience watched in awe. In our group of friends that day were two EMTs, and one EMT studying to be an ambulance driver. Later, one told me with a smirk, "A chest spreader... is not usually standard equipment on your typical Maryland ambulance... but his story was so interesting, I just had to let him continue!"
whisperfactory · 1 points · Posted at 01:58:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A girl who took the same class as me constantly lied about her health to me. It was kind of obviously absurd.
-Says she has cancer but doesn't specify which type or stage or anything
-She was kind of overweight and had a massive smoking problem, sort of ground against the cancer thing
-Told me that the school had her "cancer file" from the hospital and had lost it and needed a new one, so that's why none of the teachers knew she had cancer, and the hospital didn't have a backup file
-Said her abusive ex boyfriend raped her as we were sat with friends in the middle of her eating a yoghurt
-Screamed at me that she had scars all up her wrists from trying to kill herself (again unprovoked in the middle of lunch), and I'd literally seen her baby smooth and scarless arms the day before when she wore a tank top.
-responding to "how was your weekend" with regular crazy tales of her being kidnapped and forced at gunpoint to have sex/get married, being abused by multiple strangers in bars, approached by guys on the street who offered to pay thousands of pounds to have sex with her.
Basically my reaction was to just kind of respond like "oh okay, I'm sorry that happened" while looking her in the eye knowingly so she would catch that her bullshit reeked from a mile away.
Lockstat · 1 points · Posted at 01:58:12 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I used to manage a retail store. One day a team member who was due to work the night shift came to me and claimed that outside of work she is a personal bodyguard to the Japanese president, and while she was out on lunch she received the call, he needs her and she must leave work early.
Also prior to working for me she was a secret agent in the Brazilian army and that's how she met the Japanese president.
I told her to have the Japanese president call me up to discuss and then I'll think about letting her go an hour early.
Should mention this took place in Sydney Australia.
Reddickyoulous · 1 points · Posted at 01:58:17 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he was the drummer in ACDC and got kicked out...
Ilikegeometrysowhat · 1 points · Posted at 01:58:43 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Former roommate that is a son of a family friend. These are the bulk of what he lied about while i lived with him: claims to know the Latin name of every animal, posts pictures of hentai he's hand drawn and rendered (now that I think bout it, maybe he did draw that stuff), makes his own steel armor and samurai armor, builds small motorcycles, has tattooed eyeliner, owns live grenades and antique weapons from before the 18th century, he has a page on fetlife showing several self portraits of his incredibly photo shopped hard weiner (he'd be an okay photog if he didn't edit the fuck out of everything, also I've seen his hard peen. It isn't 14 inches long)
Story wise, he consistently posts every week that he is approached by an ALWAYS underage girl that compliments his butt and/or his suit of armor he made himself.
Dirty_Pretzel_ · 1 points · Posted at 01:58:56 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I kind of miss knowing people like this :). I think I'm mature enough to enjoy it now.
StopLoading · 1 points · Posted at 01:58:57 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm late to the party but figured I'd share anyway.
So I worked with this girl, we will call her Jen. Jen was our hostess and would serve in the restaurant from time to time. She had a big crush on me but was lying about little things that I've noticed. Anyways one day she comes in and says she has to go to a hospital after work for her chemotherapy. I am shocked and ask her what stage and where her cancer is. She said breast and they don't know what stage. Well knowing that they should know I called bullshit in my head, but to keep her happy I was like wow that's terrible! A few weeks go by and I ask her how she has her hair still. Jen turned around with a big smile on her face and told me they gave her a pill. A pill I asked? Apparently this is a special pill that's not out yet that stops hair loss during chemo.
Yeah that's bad enough that she lied about having cancer and told everyone just to get attention. But one morning I was talking to her. She walked back into the kitchen to get something and comes right back out with HAIR in her HAND. She said she ran her hand through her hair and her hair is falling out. I'm pretty sure she pulled hair out of her head so I would do something (which I didn't). But man she was crazy. Never have I ever met someone who lied and needed attention that much.
My3centsItsWorthMore · 1 points · Posted at 01:59:57 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I wouldn't consider him a complusive liar in most regaurds but he is willing to say whatever it takes to get with women. He pulls very impressive numbers but is kinda scummy to get there. He always plays the innocent act, by like asking is it alright if i put my arm around you (while watching a movie) i don't do this often but would you be ok if i kissed you? I find it hard to believe it works but apparently he does it regularly. He is either lying to all women or lying about his number, and i gota say his numbers look pretty impressive.
schlitzngigglz · 1 points · Posted at 02:03:27 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That I'm a valued employee.
Just figured it out after a decade of bullshit, and just trying to work hard and provide for my family.
Not-Homunculus · 1 points · Posted at 02:04:29 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
So I'm reading all these stories only to come to the realization that many of these could be and are most likely lies.
cognificent · 1 points · Posted at 02:06:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Climbed Mt. SAC (Mt. San Antonio College). Had six laptops downloading porn at home (no understanding of bandwidth).
tarheelborn1 · 1 points · Posted at 02:09:25 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a coworker, who was a server, tell me she has a $80,000 culinary degree, she is a professional dart player, a professional pool player, a professional archer, currently owns a restaraunt, and wrote recipes for the restaraunt she serves at. Yet here she is serving 6 days a week saying she barely has money to pay her rent which is $600/month.
FulgoreAdamGray · 1 points · Posted at 02:10:33 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
"I love you"
Con_sept · 1 points · Posted at 02:11:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This guy was IT support for a rural high school and a massive wanker. Apparently he;
-Built a railgun in his back yard that fired 44 gallon drums over 1km away and had a plasma muzzle flash. He had to dismantle it at the request of the police.
-Got to work on the first Playstation when it was being developed. He described the PSOne and had never heard of the PSX.
-Was running network cables through a ceiling, climbing around on top of the cork sheeting, and eventually fell through, but was suspended in the air by the cables (like Corneillius in The Fifth Element) right in front of his boss (that didn't work there anymore).
-Was a super popular underground DJ on the weekends and could control people with his music. Discovered the brown note.
-Built a lightsaber. Wasn't allowed to bring it to school though because it was a weapon.
Sure Shane, sure you did.
pepperkitty · 1 points · Posted at 02:11:17 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh man I'm late, but it's my time to shine. I live with a pathological liar who could easily pen shitty penny novels.
We got into a fight and I literally didn't talk to her for three months. One night she lures me out with caviar and expensive beer, and then immediately breaks down and tells me that:
Her one brother who lives in NYC was paralyzed from the waist down in a car accident. However, said bother was previously a famous music producer in Mongolia.
She admitted to lying that she was engaged to this guy and had a miscarriage. INSTEAD, she said that he actually left her at the altar, she actually had the baby and adopted him out and visits him twice a year (even though she's yet to ever take a vacation...) BUT the baby had a heart defect and died. This supposedly all took place in California, yet she graduated from high school at a local school.
She's from Compton and was homeless in Compton after her foster family (?) kicked her out. She previously said she was an illegal immigrant in this country who came over with her brothers.
While she was homeless in Compton, she was kidnapped by drug smugglers, stuffed in the back of a car, and made to smuggle drugs across the border INTO Mexico. She has this whole tragic "I was once a teenage drug mule" story that's full of muleshit.
The crocodile tears were flowing from her eyes like the steady dripping of a clogged gutter.
She's also had MULTIPLE "pregnancy scares" which have become so formulaic that I feel like I'm watching an episode of the Big Bang Theory. Additionally, she's in the hospital so much for real and/or fake medical problems that there's literally a stack of letters covering my dining room table from different medical companies and debt collectors.
One time she "passed out" and I stayed by this girl's side and rode with her to the hospital in the ambulance at 2am, left hospital at 4am, and awoke to her home the next morning with her diagnosis being "feeling sad."
She's a wild ride, this girl.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:13:42 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was a shopping cart pusher in high school, and a guy there told me that he was out on the field at Yankee stadium and the guys he was buying drugs from pulled out their guns, and the whole crowd stood up, most pulling out their own guns, and cheered that they were behind my fellow cart pusher.
Hstuckey · 1 points · Posted at 02:16:11 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh yes my favorite. My coworker seriously can't stop. Always acts like he is in the know about everything.
He also claims to have been offered a scholarship to play basketball at Kansas. He's about 5'10 and weighs 250.
Let's see, also told me he owns a Condo in Aspen Colorado while he makes sub 30k a year. I've got endless stories from this kid.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:17:06 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He has been this close to working for a NASCAR pitbteam for three years. Also tried to sell me auoerbowl tickets last year before he lost them. Oh best one ...mom drives a ferrerai he drives on the weekends.
wherethegoldat · 1 points · Posted at 02:19:17 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy that I know said that he was driving home drunk once, ran off the road, hit an embankment, went airborne, and was able to steer clear of the trees while he was flying through the air.
GreeneggsandhamUSA · 1 points · Posted at 02:21:41 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he was at the shooting range with his dad and after finishing his clip off he hoped the barrier to go look at his target. Well his dad saw him doing it and evidently shot him in the back of the knee to teach him a lesson.
ndnikol · 1 points · Posted at 02:22:12 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Said she was at a bachelorette party with male strippers. The bride to be was running around topless, all the girls were wasted at like four pm. I asked for pics but she refused because it was weird. I was like, "c'mon I've never been to a bachelor party. That seems cool." She sent me a stock photo of male strippers she found on google. I reverse image searched it.
Explicit_Narwhal · 1 points · Posted at 02:22:42 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Roommate this last year at college: 1. Dad worked for NASA 2. Owned a bunch of classic cars back home, but took his junk car to school. 3. Had a wrist mounted hacking device that he left in one of those cars so he couldn't show us. 4. One of our professors is a top 100 chess player in the USA, upon hearing this he said "that's not that good, I got better than that". 5.Once said I stood up screaming in the middle of the night, so he hid in the closet. After I have him a billion reasons of why that isn't true, after a few days, the story became that I must of rolled over in my sleep and mumbled something. 6.He built a motherboard and was a mater programmer when he was like 7. I am a computer engineer major, he is an arts major that couldn't pass a simple intro to scripting class. 7.His dog got hit by a car and was going to die, he made a big fuss about it and was raking in sympathy points like no other, dog was fine. 8.His uncle or whatever was shot down in a plane over Jordan, milked that for sympathy points, never brought it up again. 9.A few weeks after he all started living together he dropped the gem that he has had a threesome before. That was when the stars aligned and the other room mates and I realized that he was a compulsive liar.
mbrooks9 · 1 points · Posted at 02:24:32 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That she got accepted to work for Teach for America...in Barcelona.
lens_cleaner · 1 points · Posted at 02:25:13 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My brother has had several heart transplants, survived cancer numerous times and been given three months to live more then any one currently living.
Edgar_Allan_Poo · 1 points · Posted at 02:25:50 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
In second grade some kid told me he doesn't poop.
CaptainKatsuuura · 1 points · Posted at 02:25:52 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My sister's friend insisted that she was a part of the CIA--the "special young people unit"--and that she could light strike anywhere matches on her skin
tugentymerivers · 1 points · Posted at 02:26:43 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he was released early from prison on Memorial Day because he is a veteran... he's served in no wars and is not even a citizen.
cloakedabyss · 1 points · Posted at 02:26:55 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He told me that it was impossible to fly a wing suit because flying objects that even remotely resembled a bat were trademarked by Adam West.
TheOrangeGrapes · 1 points · Posted at 02:28:01 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A tornado picked up his truck and put it back down in the exact same spot.....
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:28:16 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
An inordinate number of the pathological liars I've met claimed to be sharp shooters for the FBI, CIA, USMC, etc.
SK_RVA · 1 points · Posted at 02:29:09 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A compulsive liar in college once told me he had a dream that he was choked by a six-fingered demon and then woke up and had six finger marks on his neck.
thefoxsaysredrum · 1 points · Posted at 02:30:19 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He claimed his family was from Europe and he was the Duke of Wiggington and had his family's working guillotine in the front yard.
He was driving down one of our city's main roads and all four of his tires came off his car.
He had a solid silver bass guitar.
There were waaaaay more. My friends and I had compiled a list of almost 300 lies he had told... some where somewhat in the realm of believability, but many were not. We liked to keep him thinking we bought it all, so it made for an easy list.
Chaddiz · 1 points · Posted at 02:31:43 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had a dude tell me he was in the army, but couldn't remember his unit when I asked. He also apparently deployed to Korea, when in fact my unit was the first to start rotational deployments in the last 30 years.
themidgetadub · 1 points · Posted at 02:32:15 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend that said whenever his uncle quit his job, he would gain one million dollars.
Sauc3_Boss · 1 points · Posted at 02:33:07 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He said he was going 90 mph in his truck and hit a tree causing the front of it to "split in two". Then he walked away with a few scratches...
Fernandexx · 1 points · Posted at 02:33:23 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This tall but skinny weak guy went abroad to play rugby to an attendance of 80k. We don't have any rugby team in my country.
_ibunktea · 1 points · Posted at 02:34:17 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A woman I worked with tried to convince us of multiple stories.
She was hit by lightning. Then said her car was hit by lightning twice and all she needed to fix it was a paint job.
When giving birth to her second daughter they declared her dead and sent her to the morgue. Her husband had to fight his way down there by demanding to see his wife, then he told them she wasn't dead so they brought her back up to the maternity floor. She said she had a toe tag and everything. (Considering the processes the hospitals go through before sending someone to the morgue and giving them a toe tag, I found this one hilarious)
Her husband played professional football (we had a supervisor who fought with her over this until she said "well it was the practice team". I still find that unlikely as he is well over 600 lbs and only 5'9")
Her mother was from Africa, then Italy. Then Africa again.
Her family invented Nutella. (This was during a "my mom is from Africa" and I asked if Nutella originated in Africa, and her family was Italian again.)
I'll try to think of some more really good ones. She was a riot. Mostly because I loved how far she took her stories. I think she genuinely believed some of them.
Surfitall · 1 points · Posted at 02:48:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Inventing Nutella is a great lie.
DrTriage · 1 points · Posted at 02:34:54 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
"I was out on a boat with these guys and one pulled out a gun and shot the other guy dead, left him in the water." - yeah right.
DEUK_96 · 1 points · Posted at 02:36:14 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a guy who claimed that his cousin cycled from Stockholm to London on his own at age 14, with polio, and then went to a university of economics in London at 14.
TheLuthox · 1 points · Posted at 02:36:21 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He claimed iPhone screens are made of molten diamonds and are ultra hard. He refuses to admit he is wrong.
__worldpeace · 1 points · Posted at 02:36:59 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he was attacked by a monkey when he and his family went on safari in Africa.
Then later in high school he claimed that he was being recruited by the University of Alabama to play football, even though he only played high school football for a year...and sat on the bench.
knightnshining_armor · 1 points · Posted at 02:38:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
One guy I knew said that he ran a porn business online and he had sold it to Hugh Heffner for a "large amount of money".
Also worked with a guy that claimed his last job was at a high end watch store on rodeo drive and consistently sold very expensive watches to celebrities everyday (yeah, and now you're a salesman at Sprint lol).
Same guy used to also visit this website and talk about how he owns it with four other guys and how awesome it was and that he had a number in his head for what he would sell it for (1 million). I looked at the web site a few times and they had the owners right on the page including dumb things like casting director or wardrobe, he was not listed.
Quantum_Rum · 1 points · Posted at 02:38:42 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My dad told me it took him 8 hours to cut someones grass. It was a huge yard but I cut the same yard in around 2 hours.
motionblurrr · 1 points · Posted at 02:38:45 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A consultant we hired for helping with a SharePoint install said he was an ex-Navy Seal and that he helped write some of the original source code used on the space shuttle and had been tracked down years later to help with a space emergency.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:39:08 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hahahahahah that his uncle was in this secret mercinary group. He'd fuck up so bad that he would say his uncle is in Madrid, then accidentally say Barcelona in the next sentence.
We started collecting a list of all his lies and confronted him with it. Ever since then he stopped lying so you're welcome dude. I know you have reddit so you might see this.
JenniferMcKay · 1 points · Posted at 02:39:09 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I volunteer with a very dysfunctional non-profit. When one of the volunteers had enough, he stormed out and said he wouldn't be back. A few days later, the director was spreading a bullshit story about how he'd been injured and she "wasn't sure he'd be able to come back." To me. The girl who was there.
TheGreatGuckzo · 1 points · Posted at 02:39:57 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My cousin makes up stories about everyone on my dad's side of the family and I'm convinced she actually believes what she says. She always tells me that another one of my cousins (who is a stoner) does meth and is into all sorts of other drugs. She talks about how he has holes in his teeth, but his teeth are pretty much perfect. If I tell her she's wrong, she gets extremely defensive and will say things like "Well you would know if you could actually be bothered to visit us more often". It's pretty strange.
ShaNayNay_Nequa · 1 points · Posted at 02:40:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a lady named Murphy who said she could kill a deathclaw with one bullet from a pipe pistol.
bonghitsany1 · 1 points · Posted at 02:40:14 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My buddy at school once told me that he drove to California bought 2 lbs of bud and smoked it all mind u he did all of this in the span of one day. Also told me he did a double backflip off of dicks sporting goods
PiratesInWonderland · 1 points · Posted at 02:41:12 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He told me he loved me
DownToCl0wn · 1 points · Posted at 02:42:01 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had a friend told me he sued Tony Hawk because the shoes he bought fell apart
witchyandbitchy_ · 1 points · Posted at 02:42:48 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew this girl (that I was friends with for a few years!) tell me: -her mom beat her face in with the butt of a gun when she was 3 -that both her grandparents died that she was living with and that she would go into foster care (she lives in my neighborhood and I still see them around) -that she was really poor and starving (while she was getting acrylic manicures done weekly) -that she was locked in her house and there was no way to leave -that her grandmother didn't know she had a phone (even though she's texted her gm from one) -that her dad left her and they don't talk (her dad has an Instagram............) -that her mom was dying of ovarian cancer (and then she suddenly got better - like it was a cold) -that she wasn't allowed to have friends over (but they still post snapchats at her house) -that she's "anerexic" (*anorexic, she spelled it like that. She said I caused this! I didn't and she eats all the time at school)
DreyaNova · 1 points · Posted at 02:42:52 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My mum kinda messed me up with her compulsive lying; she told me my dad abused her, she told me we came from a very rich family and we were only poor because grandma married badly, she told me we were part Syrian, she told me she was almost in several Hollywood movies, she told me she used to date rockstars, man the BS she came up with had no end... Thing is though, when you're a kid and this stuff comes from a parent you kinda believe it, then you repeat it to kids at your school... Then all the kids smell the BS and assume you're the liar... Then you wonder why you have no friends :/
smackmypony · 1 points · Posted at 02:43:17 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Someone yesterday told me they're seen Dory and loved it, immediately after I mentioned I was wanting to see it.
Then they said, "Oh, wait.. maybe it was X-men? I'm not sure".
HANG ON. HOW DO YOU MIX THOSE UP?!
Lunchmoney300 · 1 points · Posted at 02:44:39 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
In college our roommate lied to us about anything ranging from serious medical issues to what he watched on tv in the morning.
We caught him in a lie 2 years after he told the original lie all over his favorite hometown pizza place. he was from out of state and always talked about how his home and state were better, down to his pizza place that made pizzas so large they had to be transported on top of cars. These places exist... But this wasn't one of them and he likely picked up on it from all the food channel our apartment watched. He talked this place up for 2 years and then one day lets slip they don't deliver.
How do they not deliver their own pizzas that they make too big to fit through standards doors? So we called him out (which never goes well with these assholes) and he stuck to the story. They don't deliver. And that was his mistake. Telling the truth. We had questions on how people strap to their cars and he said the place provide straps for you to keep
Immediately we're on the phone calling in an order from out of state. The staff confirms, no delivery. The staff are bewildered at why I keep ordering their super extra large pizza that they don't have. The largest they have is an 16 inch. Finally we settle on 10 of their largest pieces and ask for the straps to secure them on top of our small 2 door Honda Civic and they don't have them!! We cancelled the order due to their lack of service.
After the call we all turned and stared at him. He stormed off without a word
Shadrach_Jones · 1 points · Posted at 02:45:12 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My brother said he invented the helicopter. I had to go along with it since he would get violent if you called him on his shit
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:45:18 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Paintballs with the CIA, professional chef, Paramedic, pro downhill mountain biker. He actually drives a Subaru with driving gloves because... Rally driver. Has a rack on his car but no bike.
AC-Stark · 1 points · Posted at 02:46:20 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
One: That is dad had been hit by a helicopter. We live in a tiny town in Michigan news would be everywhere if some random guy got hit by a fucking helicopter.
Two: That he was at a machine shop with his dad when this guy who works there stood up on a bench and KICKED chain saws at him. He showed me a tiny little cut on his hand to prove it.
Three: That his mom was going to be in the WNBA but had to retire due to being white. I literally don't know why that makes sense to him but whatever.
Four: That his girlfriend goes to college in Wyoming. He was a high school freshman.
I believe he took special education classes but he shared all of this in gym class. God was he a goldmine for asshole High Schoolers.
groel220 · 1 points · Posted at 02:46:27 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Late to the party here, so I'll be brief: 1. "I beat John Mayer in a jazz guitar soloing competition" 2. "I was in the woods yesterday and I literally walked into a dear" 3. Not a story he told, but he carried around a coffee mug and "drank" coffee all the time. I asked for a sip one day and it was full of days old stale coffee.
50ShadesofJiraiya · 1 points · Posted at 02:47:25 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My sister in law (ish) is a compulsive liar. I told her I was going to go home to watch the NFL Draft and she told me she had already seen it and knew who each team picked...... It's a live event.
_PM_ME_TUITIONMONEY_ · 1 points · Posted at 02:47:45 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
She wouldn't make up stories out of nowhere, but after I would tell a cool story she would tell essentially the same story but with everything exaggerated.
Example: My family lived with my grandma for a while when I was about 7. During that time, we had a Beta fish named Little Red Fred. We really loved him. He died during the late fall and we really wanted to bury him instead flushing him down the toilet so we convinced mom to put him in the freezer. We ended up moving out of Gramma's house before spring really kicked in, and we completely forgot about the fish. Gramma was starting to get Alzheimer's, so she also completely forgot about him. We finally found Little Red Fred again about seven years later when we were cleaning her freezer out so we could sell the house and move her into an assisted living facility. We then flushed him.
After hearing my story, this bitch tells basically the same one, but the fish was a catfish instead of a beta, it was at her grandpa's house, it was left in the deep freezer in the basement, and it was forgotten about for 15 years. Like wtf?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:48:09 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
She was full white and said she was half mexican like i am....lmao god
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:48:16 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
All the same person, different stories. Details changed because I'm pretty sure he's on Reddit, and I still have to talk to him.
He has no memory from before the age of eleven (please note some other stories are from his POV but at the age of eight).
He was raised by an German babysitter and spoke with an German accent until high school. He occasionally slips into it when mad (His accent is like a bad cartoon impersonation of Hitler).
He was once attacked by birds while walking through the woods on the way to elementary school. He then woke up laying on the forrest floor.
There's also a very lengthy multi-day saga wherein he repeatedly lied about calling a friend in the hospital, despite very clearly breaking all protocols (speaking to the desk as "Hey, it's me. Connect me." and then talking to his friend instantaneously).
Lots more stories. Private message me if you want some more.
DoctorPenisEnvy · 1 points · Posted at 02:48:58 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he was a sponsored bow-target-shooter or whatever they're called. He said he got paid to shoot a target with a bow and arrow. He said he got paid a lot. Enough to pay tuition at a private college in cash. I googled him. The companies he said were sponsors didn't even exist, forget about him showing up.
He said he bought an Audi R8 over spring break. He said he traded in his Honda Civic for an Audi R8. Imagine everyone's surprise when he drove back to school in his civic.
He dropped all of his 'sponsors' because they wouldn't buy him an iPhone when he broke his.
He said he was the weed dealer at his high school. He was so successful that no one else ever tried to compete with him. He eventually tried to deal in our dorm, and he ended up believing that 7 grams was worth the $120 he paid for it. He made a whopping $50 loss and still re-upped to do it again.
Sohcahtoa82 · 1 points · Posted at 02:49:56 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A buddy of mine claimed he had a brain aneurysm from the stress at working at Jack in the Box.
He didn't go to the hospital though...he just went home and rested in bed.
hercules25 · 1 points · Posted at 02:51:54 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had a friend who lost custody of her kids but told everything their rich Italian father took them to Italy. Same friend says she born in NY LIE born in FL. She also claims, depending on who she is talking to, that she is Puerto Rican than another day she is Italian. She stole my brand new Victoria Bra and Underwear and swore they were a gift from her grandma. I could go on for days about her lies.
blamethecranes · 1 points · Posted at 02:52:03 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend told my mother that she didn't steal her sweatshirt while wearing it.
lickmyassholes · 1 points · Posted at 02:52:58 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew some crazy chick in high school who claimed to be an African princess but "forgot of which country".
-When we were like 16 she claimed to have been recruited by the navy to become the first female nuclear sub captain because she was just so smart (also worth mentioning she was dumb as hell).
-She apparently also took a shit ton on pictures on some guys car in the school parking lot and tried to say it was her car (it was a nice car).
-She claimed to have received a full-ride scholarship to Harvard.
-She would also just come up to me and just tell me weird shit like that she just had an abortion and that the father was some famous musician "but she cant say who because he would be mad if he found out she had an abortion" and didn't know what to do. I was not even friends with this chick and never even had a class with her, it was really awkward. She did this to a lot of random people too.
_ibunktea · 1 points · Posted at 02:56:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A girl I worked with lied about having cancer. She told one supervisor she was doing oral chemo. Told me she had a port put in and was doing IV chemo, but yet refused to show me the port that was in her side. Told our boss that she was in remission and wasn't doing chemo. That supervisors meeting was eye opening considering I had sat with her for countless hours encouraging her.
She had lost both her parents to cancer within months. She was already getting tons of sympathy. I'm really unsure why she made up the cancer.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:56:01 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Cab driver customer is a huge pathological liar (I work at a gas station). Also a huge piece of shit who I despise and wouldn't care if he dropped dead but that's a different story
In general the dude's a scumbag that I really fucking hate, but grit my teeth and smile because it's not worth the hassle calling him out, though we have had confrontations before. Also he clogged the toilet once with his fucking diarrhea Twinky shit and ruined it for the rest of his cab friends, so fuck him for that too
originalmango · 1 points · Posted at 02:56:32 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My cousin. Every job he's ever held starts out "Me and the boss just became best friends, I can do whatever I want and I make a million dollars a week". 5 months later when I ask why he left the perfect job- "That boss was an ass, he fired me for no reason. But my new job is great. Boss loves me, and I make more money than my last job!"
mastad0420 · 1 points · Posted at 02:57:28 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
There is an event by me call nudes a poppin at a nudist colony. My friend goes every year and claims to have fucked Bri Olson
DodoDude700 · 1 points · Posted at 02:58:11 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
His dad bribed an Apple factory worker to build him a 64GB phone. I showed him the option on the website to buy a 64GB iPhone 6S just like his. He said I was faking it, that apple didn't actually make 64GB phones, they just claimed to and they were impossible to order.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:59:33 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh shit. The motherlode. In order of crazy.
That he was the godfather for a boy who's mother died. Now he was the legal guardian.... Just to use it as an excuse to be late or leave early from work.
That he went to MIT
That he worked for Google
That he's born in Louisiana or was it Seattle or was it New York.
That he lived in England.
That he's super rich, but works a minimum wage job to keep busy.
That he's got a computer science degree.
He lied about just about anything.
needleRick11 · 1 points · Posted at 03:03:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy I played soccer with once said "I know dis dude that was wearing vapors. He got running so fast... he broke both his legs".
campanellan1 · 1 points · Posted at 03:03:49 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I work as a waiter and one of my co workers says he is a CSI diver for NYC.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 03:04:31 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He was back stage at The Nirvana unplugged show. The bassist was running late and they asked him to fill in. The bass player eventually showed up.
Oooooooooook
messofgorgeouschaos · 1 points · Posted at 03:04:36 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
a kid in my graduating class was going to the same college as me, so i went up to him and said something about it. he told me that the only reason he was going to our college was because they had given him a 60k per year scholarship(tuition is nowhere near that amount) and because princeton had personally called him and told him that if he went to our college, he could transfer there without even applying.
Numbajuan · 1 points · Posted at 03:06:41 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dang, I caught this late. My friend (passed away now) was a crazy compulsive liar. My favorite one was him showing up to my house in a corvette when we were 20. He said his dad bought it for him and that he wanted to take me for a ride. We went driving around crazy all day. I realized the license plate was custom and it looked similar to another license plate I had seen before. I realized a few weeks later after he has stopped driving it that he was house sitting for my boss, who's husband was a [crooked] cop and owned a corvette. Same one. He found the keys for it in a dresser and took it out for joy rides while they were away. I realized it because they both had license plates referencing Dale Earnhardt.
IwalkedTheDinosaur · 1 points · Posted at 03:07:07 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Late to the party but fuck it, the dude constantly blows smoke up everyone's asses.
He claims that he went to a school for card dealing, he pulled off a near-impossible dive for a swim class, and he constantly acts like he's the smartest person on the planet, Whenever he gets his bullshit called out and realizes he's incorrect, which I have done often in the past, he'll stretch and bend the facts to make it sound like he knew what he was talking about the whole time. "Oh that's right, it was x and not y, I meant to say y."
I distance myself from him.
FailureToThrive · 1 points · Posted at 03:07:55 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I am actually a triplet and absorbed one of the siblings
KellyRhondean · 1 points · Posted at 03:10:37 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
"My husband said all the other husbands tell him I have the best body out of all the wives".
shinji84 · 1 points · Posted at 03:11:08 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
One of the regulars, that comes into the coffee shop, I work at is a conman, of sorts:
He has told us that he was in the Gulf War, as a colonel, in the Marines, had shrapnel, embedded in his stomach, and that it was too far in to recover, limiting his lifespan to 6 months (this was over 3 years ago now).
He was a firefighter and a first responder, on 9/11, and that because of this, had stage 4 lung cancer, but somehow miraculously recovered...
Was a pastor in a church and burned down his million dollar home for insurance money and faced 99 years in prison if convicted (the last part of this is true, thanks to Google)
And finally, he is supposedly a physiologist with a PhD, in the field...but doesn't have an office or any credentials, that anyone can find, so he just meets people, at my shop or in the park.
He's nice enough; comes in at least once a day, buys a latte, and gives me a "Cuban" cigar, every once in a while, because, "he knows someone in the CIA that can get them for him."
saltinstien · 1 points · Posted at 03:11:45 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
In high school, this new kid was hanging out with my group, who were all pretty big on airsoft at the time. At one point he asked us what it felt like to get hit by an airsoft BB. Later that same day, he was regaling us with tales of him and his old friends' airsoft adventures. Also included a story about how his father (who was actually a colonel in the army) had given them real guns to play airsoft with, using rubber bullets.
He hung out with us for a year, really was a sweet kid, but the most hardcore pathological liar I've ever met. He lied about anything and everything.
mlgproquickscoper · 1 points · Posted at 03:11:45 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He fucking talks in a British accent, and in nearly 100% sure he hasn't been there, and I'm also sure his parent aren't British, lied and said he made a game bigger than skyrim, wrote an app, knows how to code, knows how to do this and that on the computer. He is in all low classes in school, and his writing is completely illegible, I'm pretty sure he probably just learned that Wikipedia and theraususes are a thing and is trying to impress people. If your out there, stop. Your not going to show me up bitch. Sorry, everyone, only person I genuinely hate.
ab-Owen · 1 points · Posted at 03:11:58 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had a "buddy" from high school claimed he had a brain tumor a couple years after high school and milked cash from our friends and even shaved a small square in the back of his head and put on a band aid and claimed it was from surgery. Fuckin idiot.
FngrsRpicks2 · 1 points · Posted at 03:14:03 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
High school friend told me that when he was growing up, around ten years of age, he used to have to travel through a distant neighborhood to get to his girlfriend's house. This was another story in itself, but he had to hop this person's fence and cut the back yard. However, there was a nasty Rottweiler that always chased him, until one day he grabbed and number three Phillips head screwdriver and drove it into the skill of the dog as it jumped face level at him.......right behind the ear.
bjorkicide · 1 points · Posted at 03:14:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Kid in my daycare as a kid claimed Britney Spears "sucked my peepee."
I had no idea what it even meant at the time, and in retrospect, it's sad that he did. We were between 3-6 at the time.
calmmoontea · 1 points · Posted at 03:14:20 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Have this kid that comes into my store (work at a game store). One story that sticks out is he sold off a patent for a medical thing for a lot of money and was going to make custom cards for us for a new "unique" format for a card game we play.
He printed them using a cheap-ass printer, was filled with typos and grammar mistakes, and had art ripped from other games/deviantart.
Yeah. Have no respect for compulsive liars.
LuxDeorum · 1 points · Posted at 03:14:29 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
"Back in Colorado my best friend and I got in a sword fight for three hours and I paralyzed him, but we're cool now"
CrossBreedP · 1 points · Posted at 03:15:11 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
That he was a sniper for the air force and that one time he was sniping on top of a crane and an rpg grazed his face.
Also he's an armed guard at a bank (actually true) and one time he just saw some kids who he knew were going to try and "rob the bank" so he takes his gun out and presses it to one kid's head and says, "You will not rob this bank!" -- What actually happened is some kids attempted check fraud and the tellers called the cops while compulsive liar dipshit ran around saying "We stopped a robbery!"
Edit: Also he "is basically a doctor" but he stopped dropped out of college 3 months before becoming a doctor to join the air force.
He also has a "doctorate in Computer Programming"
"He is fat because of a health condition" - Yeah man its not because you literally can't stop eating. I used to work with this mother fucker and he'd steal food out of the fridge. Left me lunchless a couple of times. Glad he moved on to work at a bank.
edit 2: As part of his air force training he was in panama where he killed and skinned a bear to wear its skin for warmth. in panama.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 03:29:15 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
One too many rounds of battlefield
RLTW918 · 1 points · Posted at 03:15:42 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Couple good ones from a few different people: 1. His dad was an old WW2 bomber pilot who was awarded a nuclear missile, which he apparently let his son drop over the middle of the pacific ocean. 2. His brother was part of the US black ops. He told stories about his brother jumping out of humvees at 80mph, doing a combat roll, and shooting in excess of 100 people. One shot one kill of course. 3. He ran a marathon at some ridiculously good pace after drinking the night before, with no water, and was so thirsty at the end that he accidentally chugged an entire gallon of vodka and was drunk for 3 days.
seanbennick · 1 points · Posted at 03:15:52 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh boy, let's see. First of all this was a white, short, fat, bald man.
He used to date Miss Utah, and her sister (her sister was hotter and better in bed)
While on a scuba trip in Tijuana, he caught two 16 lb. Lobsters, he then surfaced, cooked and ate both Lobsters before the rest of the people on said trip surfaced.
When he lived in LA, he was made an honorary member of the gang Sons of Samoa.
He had a huge armory of weapons hidden in the walls of his house, in case anyone came after him.
His father working for the US Border Guard and having a Shoot to Kill License
Speaking fluent Russian, he tried to correct the on screen translation during Hunt for Red October when we first rented it
Claims he swam with Dolphins... and was able to keep up with them.
He has a 36 inch vertical leap. He was maybe 5'4"
There were so many others that I can't recall. I have them all written down somewhere, and there's actually a tape where we called him out when we were all drunk.
Jaro5e · 1 points · Posted at 03:16:29 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dude said his dad was a karate master said his dad met his mom at a tournament and she was a 3rd or 2nd Dan. Also said his dad fought my sensei at a tournament, he said his dad broke my her ribs.
Yeah that isn't true ask my sensei and his pops
Edit:word
chill_bishop · 1 points · Posted at 03:19:44 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Bunch of pathological liars telling fake stories of pathological liars
Msalison · 1 points · Posted at 03:19:51 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
that they could pee rainbows
courtneyleonard520 · 1 points · Posted at 03:20:33 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend who stole my underwear once because she was smelly down there, when I caught her, she claimed it was because of her dead brother and sister that died in her moms womb... I didn't fall for it.
One of my all time favorites though: My sisters best friend use to claim that her dad beat her. I think it was an attention thing.. Anyway, she's always come over to our house with "bruises" on her face. We didn't fall for it but kinda went along with it because the "bruises" were usually glittery.... Meaning she was putting them on with eye shadow. One particular night she stayed the night at our house and fell asleep on my sisters white pillow... The next morning when my sister and her friend woke up, her friends bruises were gone. She turned to her friend and pointed it out and said "Uhhhh,,, Britney?... Your bruises fell off on my pillow." I never knew what she said exactly afterward, but she never came over with bruises again. And she never claimed her dad beat her anymore.
Savlich · 1 points · Posted at 03:20:53 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This will probably get lost in all the comments, but he had has appendix removed.. Twice.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 03:52:16 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I hate it when my appendix regrows.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 03:22:20 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
"My grandfather went to Paris and got me PS2 and PS3" PS1 was the shit back then
cheerioface · 1 points · Posted at 03:23:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
The liar didn't tell me, but told my friends that he had slept with me (while I have a boyfriend!!!). Luckily they all knew he was full of shit.
ChrisNomad · 1 points · Posted at 03:23:47 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My ex-wife, 'I'm going to be working late again...'
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 03:51:16 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
So she came home early?
goldenspiral8 · 1 points · Posted at 03:25:57 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy i used to work with was an awesome liar. I used to like his stories because they were so entertaining (we'll call him Rick)
1:Rick had some wasp nests under his deck his nephew came over to visit and saw them. The nephew then offerd to remove them WITH HIS BARE HANDS and thats what he did you see for some reason the wasps would not sting him no matter what he did.
2: Another nephew was fishing with him. there was a wasp nest 50 feet away as soon as the nephew saw the nest he said oh no there going to get me and thats when all of the wasps attacked him. Rick had to gun the boat so they could escape.
3: He was a trained killer. once in Vietnam he came to covered in blood there were dead soldiers everywhere and he had a knife in his hand
whats sad is that he told everyone at work he was going to have this big operation. No one knew if he was telling the truth or not he died not long after the procedure.
Plannet_Mars · 1 points · Posted at 03:25:59 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
"The Air Force let his dad keep his jet fighter when he retired and would drop him off at the school's secret landing strip. This was junior year of high school."
Dynomeru · 1 points · Posted at 03:26:18 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
there's a pretty bad one running for president rn
darthvadersnipples · 1 points · Posted at 03:26:20 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a old boss of mine tell a group of us that he was....ahem...and I quote..."a direct descendant of Joseph of Arimathea"
Ahappypickle · 1 points · Posted at 03:28:45 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A friend of mine is currently in a relationship with a compulsive liar. He has told her that he was 23 even though he just graduated high school. But she had to find that out on her own.
He has cancer and has to "go to chemotherapy once a week." I asked her what he said it was and she said it began with an 'R', to which I responded, "What? Retard disease?" That didn't make her too happy.
rumlet5 · 1 points · Posted at 03:30:50 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That her dad was a famous hollywood actor and that she went to Angelia Jolie and Brad Pitts house and they had a huge trampoline. We asked her to bring us presents next time.
Turns out her dad did act as one of the gorrillas running around though in planet of the apes. Didnt meet anyone though.
RyanMark2318 · 1 points · Posted at 03:31:03 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Buddy of mine in high schoo was a compulsive liar and always had to one up your story. Make out with a girl? He's made out with 50. I hit a deer with with my car, he's hit "about" 20. Got tickets to go see a ball game? That'll never top the time he scored box seats to that game 7....
Agent_Orange7 · 1 points · Posted at 03:31:49 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Told everyone he was completely colorblind after looking at a bright light when he was four. He then proceeded to say things like ¨hey, can you pass me that blue (insert item here)?¨and such things using colors.
Said his family owned 6 castles in Germany and that he was their heir of a multi million dollar fortune.
just to name a few.
coolmandan03 · 1 points · Posted at 03:35:02 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
In high school, 2002 my friend had a 1992 ford tempo. He and his dad dropped a Ferrari V12 in it for fun, and he drove it everyday to school. He couldn't show us under the hood because the clips holding the hood down were stuck. He was also a very cautious driver, so don't even ask him to race.
DeathIsInTheAir · 1 points · Posted at 03:35:13 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've had a tight knit group of friends since high school (2001) and we have this one friend who has the need to tell us these outrageous stories/random anecdotes about his life:
He was invited to dinner by Bill Gates but turned it down because he didn't want to be out past 9pm.
He has great surveillance skills, so much so that he scouted his neighbor who was having sex with their dogs and promptly called in a helicopter "bust" to take care of them.
He can control his weight gain/loss on command so much that it is "scary."
He has been stabbed so many times that at this point in his life getting stabbed doesn't bother him anymore.
He claims he fell into a frozen lake and it was so warm that he stripped down to his boxers and continued to swim around.
He's gotten to so many fights at the gym that 24 Hour Fitness doesn't even require him to check-in anymore.
Apparently he is royalty in the Middle East and he cannot return home because there are too many people after his family riches that the minute they land they will be killed.
He's maintained all of these to this day, but there is one incident that made us all realize he was full of shit.
He claimed one night as he was out in the front of his house washing his car. He was about done when a group of "Mexican Gangsters" drove by and egged him violently. He was so angry that he dashed to the garage, grabbed a box wrench and threw it so hard that it hit the vehicle destroying their windows.
It was my friends that threw 3 eggs at his house, no one was outside, no cars were even in the driveway. Fucking lol.
fuzzypyrocat · 1 points · Posted at 03:36:13 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
How his dad convinced the Lambo salesman to let him test drive the new model they got. No. Nobody let a high school freshman drive a lambo. Not to mention the fact that you can't even drive as a freshman.
His dad also used to work at Bungie so he got early access to Halo Wars. Bungie didn't make Halo Wars.
Fredfredbug4 · 1 points · Posted at 03:38:19 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That at a party he had 30 drinks in an hour, and that he was only a little buzzed because he has strong tolerance.
That's enough alcohol to kill someone. There is no way he could do that. What's even more ridiculous is that I was at the party he was at. He was not just "a little buzzed", he was completely shitfaced and disappeared for the rest of the night to throw up in a friends room.
Bacondaddy · 1 points · Posted at 03:38:55 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My sister-in-law hears a story from any one in the family. She repeats the same story right afterwards but inserts her aunt or grandma in the story. Its so stupid. She has been caught 100 times and just keeps doing it. She is the worst liar I've ever met.
Meewwt · 1 points · Posted at 03:39:32 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a guy tell me that he could peddle bike a 20minute car ride in 5 minutes.....so there's that.
benderrodz · 1 points · Posted at 03:40:22 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy I knew in the navy was full of these stories. I think my favorite was the motorcycle that went so fast he had to navigate via GPS because he drove too fast for his headlight to keep his path lit. Yes, he literally said his motorcycle was faster than the speed of light.
He also had a boat that could go 250 MPH. It was a former drug dealer's boat that he got from the impound auction. He used to help the cops chase down guys on the water. There were several more, but those 2 stood out the most.
pootycorp · 1 points · Posted at 03:44:18 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Told me that he had co-written most of Beyonce's hit songs. Not sure what such a successful songwriter was doing working in Menswear in a department store in Australia though. Also that he owned several highly successful racehorses. And was Whitney Houston's nephew.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 03:46:28 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy once told me he drowned in a pool and was underwater for 10 minutes. When I asked that i thought once the brain was without oxygen for 3 minutes you get brain damage his response was "he was facing upwards and the light sunlight shining in your eyes prevents it"
TLDR: Sun in the eyes prevents brain damage.
Bacondaddy · 1 points · Posted at 03:46:41 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My ex brother-in-law contantly lied. Said he was ex-nypd. Said he was hiding from the gambino crime family. I could go on and on....but the best one was that he played for the New York Giants.
crashhelmet · 1 points · Posted at 03:47:12 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My ex was not only crazy, but lied so much that she could've told me water was wet and the sky was blue and I'd still not believe her.
She told me one day that she went to the doctor and they couldn't figure out if she had a brain tumor or tourettes syndrome
moaw1991 · 1 points · Posted at 03:47:27 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This was a customer a weekend ago. "Yea man, I'm a vet. Well, technically I was honorably discharged at the end of training, but I was in the military for six years. You can piece that together right? My files are closed, and I'm not really allowed to talk about it......" But he continued to fucking talk about it for almost twenty minutes. Describing countries that "no one will ever know about". I felt like I was listening to the plot of a Steven Seagal movie.
The_hat_man74 · 1 points · Posted at 03:51:41 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My brother-in-law is both a liar and lacks common sense, not sure if this was a lie or just stupidity: He told me that the Starbucks in Alaska serve liquor in the drive thru because his girlfriend always gave him an extra shot in his latte. Smh.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 03:52:13 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Heres what this kid at the highschool said:
(Came in witha neck brace that wasn't real) Hey guys so I was riding my bike yesterday and a car rammed into me going like 60 miles per hour.
I went to the hospital and the doctor said that I barely survived and my mom didnt show up because shes dead and my dads dead. (Everyone knows his moms alive because theyve seen here even after and he mentions her after this date)
He then came in the next day with it off for the majority and tole people like 50 other storied ranging from just falling off his bike to fighting someone
The worst part was that he changed the story even if he told you it already.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 03:52:13 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Heres what this kid at the highschool said:
(Came in witha neck brace that wasn't real) Hey guys so I was riding my bike yesterday and a car rammed into me going like 60 miles per hour.
I went to the hospital and the doctor said that I barely survived and my mom didnt show up because shes dead and my dads dead. (Everyone knows his moms alive because theyve seen here even after and he mentions her after this date)
He then came in the next day with it off for the majority and tole people like 50 other storied ranging from just falling off his bike to fighting someone
The worst part was that he changed the story even if he told you it already.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 03:52:13 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Heres what this kid at the highschool said:
(Came in witha neck brace that wasn't real) Hey guys so I was riding my bike yesterday and a car rammed into me going like 60 miles per hour.
I went to the hospital and the doctor said that I barely survived and my mom didnt show up because shes dead and my dads dead. (Everyone knows his moms alive because theyve seen here even after and he mentions her after this date)
He then came in the next day with it off for the majority and tole people like 50 other storied ranging from just falling off his bike to fighting someone
The worst part was that he changed the story even if he told you it already.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 03:52:13 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Heres what this kid at the highschool said:
(Came in witha neck brace that wasn't real) Hey guys so I was riding my bike yesterday and a car rammed into me going like 60 miles per hour.
I went to the hospital and the doctor said that I barely survived and my mom didnt show up because shes dead and my dads dead. (Everyone knows his moms alive because theyve seen here even after and he mentions her after this date)
He then came in the next day with it off for the majority and tole people like 50 other storied ranging from just falling off his bike to fighting someone
The worst part was that he changed the story even if he told you it already.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 03:52:13 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Heres what this kid at the highschool said:
(Came in witha neck brace that wasn't real) Hey guys so I was riding my bike yesterday and a car rammed into me going like 60 miles per hour.
I went to the hospital and the doctor said that I barely survived and my mom didnt show up because shes dead and my dads dead. (Everyone knows his moms alive because theyve seen here even after and he mentions her after this date)
He then came in the next day with it off for the majority and tole people like 50 other storied ranging from just falling off his bike to fighting someone
The worst part was that he changed the story even if he told you it already.
Wandertramp · 1 points · Posted at 03:53:29 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That she wasn't fucking other dudes and that she was "basically divorced"
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 03:54:56 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Freshman year of high school there was a girl who, on multiple occasions, told ridiculous stories to try and get attention- especially from guys. I remember one time she came to school and announced that she had just checked out of the hospital an hour before school started because she'd popped one of her lungs, but was still planning on smoking a bunch of weed after school that day because "yolo".
Another time she told everyone about how her dad bought her a horse and a boat and a $1000 speaker even though she was grounded because of some other ridiculous story and that he could afford it because he was a renowned surgeon or something. Little did she know that I knew her dad owned a shitty pawn shop near my house that went out of business shortly after opening.
DJStuey · 1 points · Posted at 03:56:22 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
An ex-boyfriend of mine told more lies than truth. Here's a few:
edit: formatting
samuswashere · 1 points · Posted at 03:56:35 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A dude who literally can't read told me he's a world famous hacker who hacked the CIA website. How? He typed 1's and 0's into the password line. It confused the computers because they 'think' in 1's and 0's.
Justincredible207 · 1 points · Posted at 03:58:25 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Jason bosse from fourth grade had air Wolf in his attic.
trashlocke · 1 points · Posted at 03:58:34 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Knew a guy that I swear was incapable of speaking the truth. Didn't matter how inane the lie, he'd spin it. Rather famous for being one of those "special forces sniper" types.
My favorite was right after I graduated with BSEE. At a party like right after and he's going on about "yeah, that might have been hard, but not like my masters in physics".
You sack of crap, we went to community college together, and I don't remember you even taking any classes... just loitering. I can't even break down how outrageous this guy was.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 03:59:37 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh god, Colin the ninja. A boy in his 20s from a large fundamentalist family from the backwoods of Mississippi who, when asked what he does for a living, responds with "I kill people." Right, so the Tripp pants and Naruto headband do what for your stealth exactly? Do you kill people before or after your taekwondo lessons at the local mall?
I went with him on one of his "missions." We drive to some gravel road in the middle of the night where he says his mark lives. He brought a small caliber handgun and a sword. I carried a concealed .25 and was wondering what this idiot was planning to do. I thought he might be found out about me and his sister. He jogs down the road around the corner, fires a few shots into the air, and as I see him rounding the corner coming back I peel out in the truck and leave him there. He has to walk about a mile to our "rendezvous point in case something goes wrong" and I'm just rolling. Claims he got shot. I never saw a wound.
No bud, you're not a ninja, sorry. You're a weirdo who tries to make moves on your air force brothers wife and thinks that playing DDR makes you a ninja. Guess he found out I was only hanging out with him cause I was fucking his sister because he knocked up my crush but honestly he did me a favor.
Optimus_Tard · 1 points · Posted at 04:00:21 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That they flew a helicopter upside down at age 8. It's pretty self explanatory.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 04:00:38 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Pretty much anything Hillary says is a lie. She is the Websters definition of a compulsive liar.
klrcow · 1 points · Posted at 04:00:42 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had a guy I worked with telling different storys about how he got a medical discharge from boot camp 1) Jumped out of a plane and his parachute didn't deploy 2) He fell off the top of the log wall and broke his leg 3) At the grenade range ( I guess the army has a grenade range) a grenade blew up 10 ft away from him and now he has shrapnel in his legs 4) At the firing range someone misfired their gun and shot him in the knee. At this point I pointed to my hand ( I have a badly healed boxers fracture) and told him I broke it punching godzilla in the dick
Sirhcl04 · 1 points · Posted at 04:01:21 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a guy call off work because he rolled his car on the freeway 8 times. He had no hospital paper work, and came into work the next day with out a single scratch or bump. Mind you this is also the guy who grew up in Alaska and punched a bear.
Tarshana · 1 points · Posted at 04:01:26 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A tech where I worked kept claiming she had a $12 million dollar lawsuit against someone for something. Kept going on and on about it. She apparently had 4 babies, but they were all given to friends for adoption. At least four times in a three month period she'd miss work because she was having a miscarriage. She'd wear these nasty short dresses and rarely took care of her body and stunk a lot of the time. She also had more hair on her chin than Billy Gibbons. Claimed she had a new date every week who rocked her world, talked about how she was sleeping with every guy in her Bible Study group. She was just a straight up liar.
I am so glad to be away from that.
LuvinMclovin · 1 points · Posted at 04:08:33 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
When we asked why was the strange auto parked in his reserved parking spot, he said he bought a new car.
He didn't buy new car ... fucking liar!
Be_The_End · 1 points · Posted at 04:08:51 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Met a guy at work 6 months ago, pretty obvious compulsive liar
Saw him dropped off at work in a shitty old van, he didn't know it. Came in bragging about how the day was so nice he left the top open on his convertible. Asked him to show his keys, his response was 'I don't show people my keys'. A month later he claimed he had a brand new camaro, a hard top (guess he forgot his previous story) I asked him what kind of engine it had in it, he said 'It's a really big one'
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 04:09:08 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
We didn't really care about the lies, it was pretty meh, but this nerd we played dota with would call everyone a virgin.
Like it's an insult or a bad thing to be a virgin... the dude was kinda weird, but he had his moments and was generally cool.
When he'd get butt hurt or lose games he'd get really quiet.
so I'm like "yo why aren't you communicating?" and he's like "oh my gf is sleeping next to me in the bed".
sure buddy... he'd lie about this kind of stuff all the time... more sad then anything
auburrrito · 1 points · Posted at 04:11:14 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That her death stench flatulence in the cubicle in our call center was, "day old chicken salad" from her lunch.
Craziest_Cat_Lady · 1 points · Posted at 04:11:43 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
It wasn't the lies themselves, but the fact that he wouldn't stick with them.
"What did you have for breakfast today?"
"Toast."
5 minutes pass...
"Actually I had cereal."
Why? There's no reason for lies like that, but he did it all the time.
FrankensteinsGayDick · 1 points · Posted at 04:11:50 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I worked with this one guy who would constantly tell these big fake stories. My personal favourite was how he was in line to run the Winnipeg chapter of the Mafia, (pretty sure the Mafia don't give two shits about Winnipeg and he's native, not Sicilian, not even white), and he refused so the came to his house and threw rocks at his window until his dad had to chase them away with a spiked bat.
birdgut13 · 1 points · Posted at 04:12:44 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a coworker who lied compulsively about everything in his life. He was not a particularly fit man...but apparently fit enough to be a featured MMA fighter on PPV. But he would always "forget" the dates of his fights. Apparently he fought large lesbians named Ronda...(could it be Rousey?) He was also the former pyrotechnics expert for the small city we lived in...which did not do fireworks at 4th of July or any other time of year... He would also constantly "injure" his arm in all his big fights, and his injuries would happen to act up the second there was any physical labor to be done. You'd think that an experienced MMA fighter/pyrotechnics expert would be doing better than a summer job lifeguarding at the community pool...but you know, it was his real passion.
omar501st · 1 points · Posted at 04:14:14 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Guy was in 8th grade tried convincing me and some friends a popped pimple on his back was a gunshot wound, from a desert eagle. Looking at you Jordan.
LoneMalvo · 1 points · Posted at 04:18:24 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dude told my best friend about how he got his ass kicked when he picked a fight with his seniors in college. But when he told me this story it was the other way around - he kicked their asses. And my best friend was sitting with me, trying to control his laughter.
TheMrDetty · 1 points · Posted at 04:18:43 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Knew a guy, way back, that claimed he was USMC. Even going to the extent of buying a full dress blues uni, BDUs, and getting a globe and anchor tattoo on his shoulder. Swore up and down he was a PFC infantryman. I know several Marines, and gladly introduced him to them, knowing full well that they'd beat the shit out of him for being a poser. (I almost felt bad for that.)
Aside from that, was the usual stuff about picking up girls, selling weed to cops and getting away with it.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 04:20:21 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew this guy in the Navy. Lets call him Chad
Chad was originally going to be a SEAL instead of a cook. But his written exam scores were so good that his instructors assumed he was cheating. So they kicked him out of SEAL school and that is why he had to be a cook.
He choked out Brock Lesnar in an MMA training session.
In high school his architectural class had an assignment where the students submitted their designs for the new World Trade Center. (You all had architecture classes in high school right?). A few weeks later some FBI agents came into the class and confiscated his assignment and of course that is the design that was used for the new World Trade Center. And he didn't even get paid for it!
His little brother got possessed by demons. The priests in his town wouldn't perform an exorcism unfortunately. So Chad took it upon himself to go to the Vatican (in Rome) and become an ordained priest. He came back home and took his brother to an abandoned warehouse where he set up 1000 candles and exorcised the demons from his brother.
syddawg104 · 1 points · Posted at 04:24:36 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Told me he worked as a security guard for Justin Bieber to try to impress me. Like tf? He was like 17 at the time, too.
ChocolateInTheWinter · 1 points · Posted at 04:24:46 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend was born in a plane between Russia and the US, and they got a haircut once because their hair got caught in an industrial-sized fan.
DMBumper · 1 points · Posted at 04:25:21 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Guy named Todd worked at Whataburger where me and my buddies would go play MTG on the weekends at night. Dude looked all methed out and we asked him "What's the craziest thing you've ever done?" And he had 2 answers.
The first was standing on the top of his buddies pick up truck (not the hood, not the bed. ON TOP OF THE CAB) while his buddy drove 85 mph through a construction zone. They ended up running and escaping the police.
The next was that his friend had a pet bear. I know some people do, but this is bullshit because it's out of Todds mouth. Anyways, the way you would play with the pet grizzly is by taking an aluminum baseball bat and hitting it in the fucking head over and over. As hard as you wanted and as much because "it's a bear." And it "knows you're playing." Because that's "his toy."
What the fuck Todd lol.
cac11b20 · 1 points · Posted at 04:25:57 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I didn't come to work because I had a car accident on the way to go fishing..... So bad that I woke up in the ditch still seat belted in my seat. My friend was cut open so bad he had 125 stitches in his side..... But I'm good to go now and I can work....(3 days later).
firesidefire · 1 points · Posted at 04:25:58 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
When I was 16 one of my friends tried convincing our group of friends for weeks and weeks he and his dad invented a mechanical bear, and it was loose and roaming the country side. We went to his house for his birthday and we're playing ghost in the graveyard outside. He tried convincing us again. We all laughed at him until he cried. My best friend took pity on him and said "It's okay, ___. I believe you.." He then jumped up started pointing at my best friend "Oh, I totally got you! I can't believe you believe me you idiot!" It was the most Farva-y think I've ever experienced in real life.
ungov · 1 points · Posted at 04:26:05 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That they got into Cambridge, but rejected the offer.
monkeymanod · 1 points · Posted at 04:27:41 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My favorite that this girl told was not to me, but by people I'm far more inclined to believe. She had previously told an entire class she had a civil war graveyard behind her house (i n northern IL) but when a few people went to her place and asked to see the grave sites she took them out back and said "huh, they must have moved it". She had many more interesting quirks before she left school but that's the best I can recall.
Amazonfox26 · 1 points · Posted at 04:28:52 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This person jokes about everything and takes nothing seriously,... except for his lies.
This person said he boxes in clubs. With further investigation, he looked it up on YouTube and did it once with his brother. After I got that out of him, he claimed he beat him up. I asked his two brothers and they said he tapped out.
This person said he got lost going from our friends house to his (a 10 minute walk) and took him 3 HOURS to get home.
This person claims his tailbone and big toe are broken, yet he goes out and plays whiffle ball and ultimate frisbee with me.
This per
NeverAdopted · 1 points · Posted at 04:29:25 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy told a group of us that he freestyle raps and then proceeds to rap one of Eminem's underground rap battles. He gets called out on it when someone recognizes it, "That's Eminem's rap, I heard it on Youtube." After a couple of seconds he gets real excited and says, "OHHH SHIT! I'm on the internet?!"
stygeanhugh · 1 points · Posted at 04:30:41 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Mu mother, this week is faking having had a stroke. I talked to her dr. He assured me she hasn't had a stroke.
On another note, I dated a guy who had met every celebrity you can imagine. My favorite was his story of standing out side of a Vegas hotel where he mentioned Nicholas Cage, but he didn't KNOW it was Nic Cage until the valet brought his sports car with the vanity plate that read "cage." He said he offered to drive him around in his car but declined.
Funslinger1234 · 1 points · Posted at 04:32:49 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I went to highschool with a guy who would always one up ANY story, didn't even matter if it was another blatant lie. we will call him P. Well one day I get an acceptance letter to a Senior Military College in vermont. there were a few conditions for the acceptance. a few along the normal lines like physical and GPA but I would also be given the option of joining the drill and ceremony team for more money to help pay for the school.(which cost somewhere around 50,000 a year in tuition alone.) Well I tell my friends and a few teachers and I guess P heard about it. well according to him the school offered him the same deal but they were going to comp. the total bill (tuition, uniform, travel, etc.). I ask him to show me the paperwork but it turns out that he had thrown it way because he didn't want to go their anyway because he wanted to go to one of the state University's because he had a friend there and it didn't matter that he would have to pay for it because his dad owned half of Arkansas for some reason. Needless to say I wanted to kill him but I ended up going to the same place because I wanted to avoid crippling debt. He got disenrolled for having alcohol in the dorms like the second month there.
TheWendang · 1 points · Posted at 04:34:10 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
One of my still good friends from high school went to visit his maternal family in Korea during the summer we were 16. When he came back he told us all that while swimming in the ocean he was chased by a shark and had to climb onto a rock to save himself. He waited for him and watched him all day and he finally gave up and jumped about 9 feet (3 meters) from the rock to shore. He also contracted West Nile on this trip and beat up some teens (who were robbing a cart vendor) with only his fists after they hit him in the head with a baseball bat.
meurtrir · 1 points · Posted at 04:35:56 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was briefly friends with a girl who was a compulsive liar when I was around 14 years old. One of the more hilarious ones (and harmless, unlike her later flights of fancy) was her trying to convince me and our other mutual friends that Kurt Cobain's ghost communicated with her by writing messages on her mirror in the night. She swore up and down that this was true, despite the notes being in her handwriting and that this mysteriously never happened when myself or any of our other friends would sleep over at her house.
TravelingTony76 · 1 points · Posted at 04:37:06 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
These all came out of his mouth at the bar an hour ago.....
He played basketball at Villanova
He went to Brown Law School when he was 16
His dad was FBI
He was bit by a Brown Recluse Spider when he was in Australia
There were more, but I got up and walked away.
meanrockSD · 1 points · Posted at 04:37:45 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A coworker at a fortune 100 company said he was an airforce pararescue operator. He said he carried a katana in theater and decapitated someone with it. He said he had grenade shrapnel in his foot. He brought in chest candy with a purple heart. One of the several people who had also served finally called him on it when they pointed out that the ribbons included a Kosovo campaign medal and he was only 27 years old. After some digging, found he had been a cargo loader in New Jersey.
I_PutMyDick_Anywhere · 1 points · Posted at 04:40:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He has millions of dollars worth of stocks but lives with his mother and that he is a student at MIT getting his engineering degree from home in California
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 04:40:36 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My mother fakes illnesses for sympathy. She's had hep c, Meniere's disease, breast cancer twice, uterine cancer, superbug, and now leukemia. If she really were sick, there would have to be some serious proof.
nitronomer · 1 points · Posted at 04:41:38 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
One of my friends said that he made rocket candy (stump remover + sugar, Its just this highly flammable substance) the day after I told him about it. about a week later, I asked if he could show me or make some for me, and apparently he 'ran out'. Sure it might seem plausible, but he also said he made a super accurate crossbow with a laser pointer that can penetrate metal. And once again, I ask him if I can see it, but he 'lost' it...
He also said he caught an eagle in midair and strangled it to death
ybtlamlliw · 1 points · Posted at 04:42:23 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
An acquaintance of mine in high school told us a story about how he was sleeping with an older woman for months without getting caught by her husband. Apparently, he came home early one day when they weren't expecting him and he was chased out of the house. The husband chased him through the backyard where he ran my acquaintance off a "cliff", where he rolled down a hill, breaking an arm and a leg, before coming to a stop in the right lane of a highway – where he was then hit by a semi. He said this all happened "over the summer" before senior year, but there was zero sign of trauma on his body. He was adamant it happened. I ran into him a couple years later and asked him about it for shits and giggles, and he reaffirmed that it happened and didn't understand why I felt the need to bring up such a traumatic piece of his past.
CoolBeans727 · 1 points · Posted at 04:45:54 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know a guy who thinks that the government watches us with camera's in the clouds and also that the government have factories that they use to control the weather
merkinj · 1 points · Posted at 04:45:59 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A thread about compulsive liars? You probably should have marked this one with serious...
Boy_Howdy · 1 points · Posted at 04:46:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Saw him one day. A Tuesday perhaps. He seemed normal as he could be. On Wednesday he was carting around a personal oxygen tank, hose under his nostrils. Because of his lung transplant, wouldn't you know.
activityguy · 1 points · Posted at 04:46:38 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He went to Jamaica to train for the Olympics and he just "stumbled upon" Usain Bolt. He challenged him to a race and lost by just one second. Who would have known that the second fastest man in the world is a junior in high school?
KillingForCompany · 1 points · Posted at 04:49:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy I met in Texas claimed to be from Sweden and that his uncle is the vocalist for Amon Amarth. Would fake an accent and everything. Ended up bouncing around dating my exes. Last time I trust someone that is blatantly untrustworthy
doing_goodwell · 1 points · Posted at 04:50:49 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a guy that I worked with who had more uncles than anyone should. Everyone of them did some sort of crazy thing as a career choice hell's angel, piolet, big foot. That and all the things he claimed he "use" to do let me know he was full of it.
One day he saw a guy doing parkour. A co-worker made a comment that parkour was really hard and without missing a beat "100 uncles"said, "I use to do parkour. That wasn't even hard." I asked if he thought he could do better he said yeah ( got you now!) He walked outside scurried across the planter then gave up walked back in bright red. He didn't tell stories so much after. One best feelings I've ever I had was watching his defeat...I live a sad life.
tiniful · 1 points · Posted at 04:50:49 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend has been telling me for over a decade that a gift is arriving in the mail for my birthday, or wedding, as a thank you, and many other things. Only one package has ever arived.
Curlaub · 1 points · Posted at 04:51:41 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My buddy is a scientist and once tried to tell me he could remove 20% of the fat from chocolate and also make it taste better by running it through an electric field.
NaNaNaNaSodium · 1 points · Posted at 04:51:45 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He told me he kicks a lot of ass on multiplayer Skyrim. He's really good. Shoots flaming arrows and uses magic like a champ. I said that there was no multiplayer Skyrim and he said he was playing a cracker version. People have been trying to figure out multiplayer Skyrim forever, if you were playing it I would be too along with everyone else. That was around the time I stopped calling him out. I've known him since preschool but he will always have a bunch of tall tales to tell.
Key6 · 1 points · Posted at 04:53:29 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
i23m · 1 points · Posted at 04:53:53 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Let's make America great!
deadguyinthere · 1 points · Posted at 04:54:02 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
There are a lot more too. Those are just what came to mind.
synyk_hiphop · 1 points · Posted at 04:57:14 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy one tried to convince me he escaped getting pulled over by gunning it as soon as he saw the cop, then pulling into a side street and hand brake turning into a parallel parking spot.
He drove a stock 2000 honda accord lx. This was 2012. You can't drift FWD cars like that. He certainly can't drift shit. But I let him think he convinced me
Ancients · 1 points · Posted at 04:59:37 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Note: Totally off topic
I once had a neighbor everyone thought was a bit crazy and a couple people thought he was a compulsive liar. He claimed to be one of the first Thunderbirds at one point.
A few weeks later one of the other neighbors came around with a confused look on his face as he looked it up and there was a picture of a younger version of the neighbor with his name underneath in some Thunderbirds history book.
Connor202 · 1 points · Posted at 04:59:41 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He was telling me that Division 1 basketball scouts were asking him for my name and phone number, I have 0 chance to go div 1, they would come to me and it is a violation of NCAA rules for them to contact me before I'm in 10th grade
NaturalBornLeader · 1 points · Posted at 05:01:28 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A kid I went to school with claimed he was born in the same hospital room JFK was taken too after being shot...
RunAway_With_Me · 1 points · Posted at 05:01:33 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Mine's a bit boring.
He told me his boss scored hot chicks and got them to have 3somes with him. They would snort pills and fuck all night. When I asked what pills he misunderstood me thinking I was asking for some slang and he came up with a blanket slang for pills off the top of his head. "Candy"
rokudaimehokage · 1 points · Posted at 05:02:30 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He constantly claimed to be playing with Ouigi boards and that he saw all kinds of demons and monsters and one night even claimed to have met satan himself. The day he did that he also claimed to have "cried blood" idk exactly how he got himself to cry blood but I know it wasn't because he met satan. He also claimed to have sent demons to my house, considering I never once saw or experienced anything proved that he was full of shit. He also tried to prove that he did because "they came back and told me you just got high and played videogames all night." no shit sherlock I'm a pothead with an xbox!
PornoPaul · 1 points · Posted at 05:02:53 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Its a toss between a friends ex who claimed to have found a million dollars worth of weed abandoned in the attic of his new rental (yet needed to bum smokes off us) or this bone dipshit who flew a couple F-16 jets on secret CIA missions...in 10th grade. I'll give it to F-16 guy because when he got caught with kiddie porn, he was working under cover for the government. No word if it was the CIA again or the FBI this time
PorkChop4PC · 1 points · Posted at 05:07:01 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
So me and a group of friends have this one friend who is well known for telling us lies. Fyi he lied about his age for the longest. His mom actually called him out one day while we were over.
Jump 10 years later. He is out of college and starts telling everyone he is starting a record deal with Jay-Z. We all go with it. Telling us how the studio time is. What its like working with jay. He even went as far as having a few of us drop him off at our local airport to "Get scooped up in Jay-Z's private jet." Not sure if he walked home or got a taxi. Sometimes when a song came on the radio he would comment "I helped put that beat together." Or "They should have used my verse in this one."
sheslikebutter · 1 points · Posted at 05:09:17 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Its not particularly shocking but he's told me my own stories back to me as if they were his own after forgetting I told him the story in the first place
sssspone · 1 points · Posted at 05:10:05 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I am a cat
ItsYourPalWolf · 1 points · Posted at 05:10:51 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I never experienced it but my little brother in 4th grade told me of how some girl on his bus (she headed to the next school up for zero hour or something) kept bragging that she calls Christina Agulerra (or whatever her name is) every night and that Obama was one of her best friends. She even said she was in the air force at one time. She was like 16..
Honestybitesthedust · 1 points · Posted at 05:15:20 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Had a girl who would sit with us during lunch when I was in middle school who told us that she was pregnant. We got curious so we asked her who the father might be if the guy went to our school.(plus she was basically the first girl in our school to even get pregnant) Her answer was that she didn't know. Weird? So we asked her if by chance she was assaulted in her sleep, All she would do was come up with these elaborate stories about how she didn't know but that she might actually be the next mother Mary. Each day we would ask her how her pregnancy was going since we all liked juicy drama, her answers were always exaggerated answers about how her mother would slap her and would demand to know who the father was yada yada. Half of us including one of my close friends and i where hesitant to believe her just because all her stories didn't add up. Then one day she tells us that she has recently miscarried saying she was laying in bed on her stomach and next thing she knows she had lost it. I mean we were all sad for her (at least the half that believed her story, while the other half just felt sorry for her ) our small group offered her support and tried to cheer her up. Not even a week passes until she has already changed the story 3 times, one being that she put her child's body inside a microwave and that's how it died and the other that her mom slapped her so hard she miscarried. I mean we honest to god knew this girl was lying and quite too much. Plus one. She didn't even have a stomach yet, two. She told us she was 2 months pregnant. After the microwave story we stopped believing anything that came out of her mouth.
SimpleSimian · 1 points · Posted at 05:18:13 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A friend's dad once claimed he invented the hydroponics system used on the International Space Station. His family quickly shot that down, along with a bunch of other lies. Apparently he's been making inexplicably wilder and wilder claims as he's gotten older, and they're worried it's some sort of dementia.
bobnobjob · 1 points · Posted at 05:19:51 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Security Guard at my work: *Speaks 5 languages *Was perviously a practicing Psychologist *A Muslim born in Russia grew up in California *Was part of the Russian military *Had 40 amateur boxing fights *Was an MMA fighter *Was 32 but didn't know the year he was born *Was the "Most intelligent person you have ever met" *Step Mother died but Russian hospital wouldn't release her body until he sold his boat (because he was broke) and paid the hospital. They would burn the body unless he paid. Told me this through a tears. Then bought a BMW M6 the following week.
corvusaraneae · 1 points · Posted at 05:23:55 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Back when I was a kid, I had a friend who would call me and keep me on the phone for an hour because she would tell me about the totally real date she had that day with the three guys from the movie 3 Ninjas. The eldest brother was totally into her and had a crush on her and the other two weren't jealous at all and they went to an amusement park and he held her hand and one of them totally wanted to meet me.
throwaway12534534 · 1 points · Posted at 05:25:01 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a weird neighbor that claimed: - robots were sent to spy on him by the government and thats is why he lived with a "bodyguard" -he could summon superman with pepper and Tabasco in his bathtub -he could talk to ghosts and stray cats -And that he was 800 years old ...turned out he was schizophrenic and his "bodyguard" was his brother who cares for him.
AFKpooping · 1 points · Posted at 05:31:24 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My roommate freshman year was from just outside of D.C. He said (as a <18 year old) that he was an EMT. Apparently, they picked up a junkie and couldn't find a vein to insert an IV. So the junkie grabs the needle and stabs himself in the balls, finding a vein first try.
He also said he drove a Formula 1 racecar (again, as a <18 year old).
sortamorma · 1 points · Posted at 05:34:22 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend lie to me about being dyslexic, diabetic, adopted, having carpal tunnel syndrome, born in Poland yett also in Germany, but the most ridiculous thing was the day she brought a news article to school of her biological father and his girlfriend being arrested for running a meth lab in their garage. She showed it to me and many other friends saying how happy she was with tears in her eyes. Her now boyfriend's ex girlfriend and I looked into it and the story was from a couple of years back and he was in no way relative of hers. I decided to stop being her friend when she made up a new excuse every time I asked her to return the dress of mine she borrowed.
Rexingtonboss · 1 points · Posted at 06:23:22 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a 19 year old kid tell me a couple weeks ago that he made $30,000 in two months working for Cutco and that he paid cash for the Cadillac he was driving.
That's when he noticed his dad standing behind him who proceeded to slap the shit out of him and say "Get your own Goddamn Cadillac you little shit"
Free_Yeezus · 1 points · Posted at 06:23:55 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was tutoring this returning student at a community college and he ended up asking me for counseling help. He told me he had a special gift of controlling electricity with his mind and he wanted to know what classes to take to be able to show the world his special gift (like a video production class).
Now that I think of it, that wasn't really a lie cuz the dude really believed he had a special power.
lilsmooga193119 · 1 points · Posted at 06:26:30 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
My friend who is 14 Supposedly has Been to every major city you can think of, had sex with a stripper in brazil, won a gun competition in Texas (lives in Australia), Made a domino course with 500,000 dominos, been shot by police twice, killed a cheetah in Africa, has a 20K gaming PC, Snuck into a casino in Vegas, has a YouTube channel with his American friends that has 50K subscribers (won't tell me the channel name), owns a PS5 with GTA 6. The list just goes on and on...
Edit: more lies: Got drunk on SCHOOL music tour, Dad earns 17K an Hour at his job which if he worked 10 hours a day Monday to Friday he would earn Just over $44 million a year, Met Ronaldo and Messi at the same time, got subbed on for the Australia national team against England (remember he is 14), Shot his brother at his "gun ranch" in Texas (same place as the tournament), uncle is a gun designer and he sells his guns to los zetas cartel in mexico, Aunty is an Olympic athlete (of course he can't tell me her bans) and finally that he went base jumping off the burj khalifa in Dubai.
Shiruet · 1 points · Posted at 06:44:50 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
If I were you, I'd be like "pics or it didn't happen."
lilsmooga193119 · 1 points · Posted at 06:46:06 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Lol he always had stupid excuses like it was too dangerous to take pictures or if he did have a picture it would be obviously stolen from the internet.
Dowehaveamascotyet · 1 points · Posted at 06:27:30 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He killed a deer with ninja stars.
purplepills15 · 1 points · Posted at 06:34:52 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
His dad freed Willy with his bare hands, came off the bench for the Portland Trail Blazers to hit a game winning three, and my favorite: A girl we knew in school came over to his house, uploaded a virus into his computer, and then they had sex. This was all as a 5th grader. Last time I saw him, he was claiming to be a Blood... keep in mind this a small white kid with freckles.
Mike_hunt_hurtz · 1 points · Posted at 06:35:40 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I knew a guy who once had a lifted chevy pickup, it had two big blocks in it. It was lifted 5feet with 58inch tires. He got stuck in 6ft of mud, turned the truck off flipped his switch for the blower and nos and it did a wheelie out of the mud pulling a fifth wheel trailer with 2 horses in it.
This same guy was a reserve cop and was called in to serve a search warrant, he knocked heard someone inside and shot his fully automatic shotgun with slugs through the front door 2 shots and hit this guy in the leg below the hip, It shot his whole leg through 4 walls and out the backside of the house
Edit. I forgot this guys father killed someone for no reason in front of the towns cops just pulled his gun out and shot a random passerby. He has felonies but the cops are afraid of him and wont take his gun, and his father has a training course in eastern oregon and he is the one who trains the swat and seal teams how to shoot
JustxJules · 1 points · Posted at 06:42:45 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
10 or so years ago:
"I pitched a game idea to a well-known video game company by email and now they have stolen my idea and are producing it!"
Now:
"I'm working for a well-known video game company now and then as a writer."
He is still a student and he can't even write. He gave me one of his "works" to correct and it was awful and full of mistakes.
spriggangraverobber · 1 points · Posted at 06:43:45 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Too many stories, all from the same guy. That he looked like Jason Donovan was one of the most laughable, considering he was bald, bespectacled, and had an acne problem. That his family owned half of our towns old, abandoned underground waterway, that he knocked out Vin Diesel at a nightclub opening night...
And that his sister was first, a nurse. Then dead. Then sewed Versace tracksuits in Italy. Then dead again.
I hope the guy managed to get help. He really had a problem.
ashgold602 · 1 points · Posted at 06:44:34 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Is being a manager for a construction company not an achievable goal for a male?
Macinsocks · 1 points · Posted at 06:47:51 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
A 23 year old former co-worker of mine says he was shoot twice while in the army stationed in Korea.
He had SO MANY bullshit stories. He'd always make stuff up on the spot to one-up your story so he is better then you. Or he would make himself out to be a victim.
EDIT: OH! He also said he was the rightful King of Norway and if he returned there they would have to crown him.
McGondy · 1 points · Posted at 06:49:44 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Every weekend shift "I had a funeral, my best friend died in a car accident/killed themselves"
Every weekend.
Oh, and she had an incurable blood disease that the doctors weren't able to identify but they gave her drugs for
cru1s3r · 1 points · Posted at 06:53:02 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
The first csgo case they opened was a stat trak huntsman knife case hardened
Autreen · 1 points · Posted at 06:54:43 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
One of my friends said he voice acted the dragon from shrek
Iced_Sympathy · 1 points · Posted at 06:56:01 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I have known so many compulsive liars. Here are some of their claims:
znx26 · 1 points · Posted at 07:00:54 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That Adam lambert might be a little..... Sssssseeeeeexxxxxualllllll......
sean_but_not_seen · 1 points · Posted at 07:01:53 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a boss I now refer to as Satan. He had what I'm certain was narcissistic or borderline personality disorder. To win arguments, he'd randomly name drop. Like say you said that the city has a law against X. He'd tell you that he just had lunch with the police chief and "funny enough" (that was his way to conquer the incredible coincidence) the chief just told him that there was no law X. (Side note: "funny enough" became code in the office for "I'm making all this up". Moving his lips was also a good sign).
His biggest lie was that he was personal friends with Steve Jobs and was employee number 50 at Apple. He even faked a call from Steve's widow the day after he died and claimed that he took Steve's kids out on his sailboat. He's a sick man.
Imagine that kind of lying but now for things like deadlines, assignments, deliverables, decisions in meetings, etc. and you can see why I call him Satan. I used to say he had a masters degree in revisionist history.
Twigity123 · 1 points · Posted at 07:02:55 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yea my cousins dad is the head of the mafia....
bixber22 · 1 points · Posted at 07:06:18 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
There was a girl I used to be on a sportsteam with back when clay Aiken was around. Now this was probably 1999-2001 and this girl was bad at this specific sport that we all competed in. She was terrified of actually playing and getting hurt. She always had a "knee injury"that made it so she couldn't participate and she was also extremely overweight. She was obsessed with boy bands and all that and at starts talking about clay Aiken the singer. She tells these stories about how she and clay are talking and dating but they can't tell anyone. She talks about how she goes to his shows and she goes backstage and sees him but they have to pretend nothing is going on. Eventually I move away for college and forget about this girl. Fast forward to 2004 and AIM is still being used so I get a message from her asking if I'd want to see clay Aiken with her. She says something about them still dating and she got tickets to his show and needed someone to go with her. So just to call her bluff I say I'll go. She messages me up until a week before this concert ( that I have no intention of going to) and then I never hear from here again....EVER. Guess her and clay ran off together.
Mulitrush5 · 1 points · Posted at 07:08:40 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he was a professional slender at the age of 6 and had to quit because he broke both his legs... Dude played soccer forever...
elhombrevalme · 1 points · Posted at 07:14:25 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
She told me she was diagnosed bipolar and had attempted suicide. Then she told me not to talk to her ex because he was "bipolar" and bipolar people are weirdos to her. I confronted her and she told me she didn't say she was diagnosed but that she felt bipolar. I just checked our chat where she said she was. She definitely said she was diagnosed.
lumberjackbobby · 1 points · Posted at 07:14:45 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
this kid i used to go to middle school with, he told everyone his great great grandfather was Adolph Hitler. i geus he thought it would be cool to tell people he was from nazi decent? people didn't like him very much after that, but he insisted it was true.
LaoBa · 1 points · Posted at 07:16:51 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My uncle told me:
He applied to be the next pope. I bet a twice divorced and married protestant was just the guy they were looking for.
He was going to buy a 2000 lb oak bed for use back home in Australia while on vacation in Europe.
blacktridenttv · 1 points · Posted at 07:18:43 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I used to know this guy who had a story for everything. But the thing was, he was the type who would always butt into conversation.
Sitting around making small talk about the weather?
"Let me tell you about the time I was on a boat during a hurricane!"
Talking about celebrities?
"I banged Pamela Anderson at a party once!" (This was was particularly funny since a member of our friend group was Pam's cousin, and another used to babysit for her from time to time.)
Talking about NASA?
"I been to space in a jet, you know!"
Thing is, we all knew he was a huge liar. But we needed a way to let him know that we all knew, and to just fucking stop. It was so long ago now I barely remember the details, but we ended up baiting him into telling a tall tale about something one of us knew very intimately. We waited until he had told his story before dropping the bomb and calling him out, collectively as a group.
...we never saw much of him after that. But my memories told me his embarrassment was swift & sweet.
livetvsnow · 1 points · Posted at 07:19:35 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
State of Origin Game 2 Live Stream
return_the_urn · 1 points · Posted at 07:20:02 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
that she was drowning once in the ocean and a dolphin saved her
EdajimaHeihachi · 1 points · Posted at 07:22:20 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have been friend/hanging out with many liars so I can't just write only one down. I will have for you some of the best ones.
Liar # 1:
I had a friend when I was a kid who insisted on telling me that he had a floating skull that talked to him and they made pranks at his mother with him at night, and that they played PS1 together and that kind of stuff. I remember that I kinda believed him cause it was soo cool, but I wanted to double check so I asked his mother one time we were at his home and my friend panicked and threw the ash tray down to cause some commotion, and while his mother was shouting at him to leave the kitchen he cornered me somewhere and told me to not bring this up cause it traumatized her and she won't cook for us. I didn't need to confirm a thing.... it was obviously a lie (you don't say)
Liar # 2:
Had a guy who told us that he once took a taxi without any money on him, and when the taxi driver arrived to the destination, he talked to him and told him that he had to go up his house to grab some money and come down to give him the money. The taxi driver feared that he might not return, so the guy gave him his mobile phone to keep until he comes down. So the driver agrees, and my friend never returns to the driver cause he said that he gave to the driver a really old backup and cheap phone, even cheaper than the taxi fare and that he had his primary phone with him, he just carried both of them just in case.
Liar # 3:
This guy was the biggest liar in the whole universe. He has told us several lies but 3 are the shining examples of the silver tongued devil
Told us that he once swimed underneath Crete without diving gear.
Told us that he had 2 king cobras at his house that were so venomous and dangerous that he had to feed them with strange things all the time so they won't kill him.
He said that 2 Pakistani mafia guys were bullying at his younger sister, so the guy (he was a skinny dirty guy with glasses) approached them and took out his huge super sharped kitchen knife (that always carried with him at the time) and slashed them non-lethaly and he saved his sister.
Liar # 4:
One of our school teachers was a pathological liar and once told us a story about her and her friends swimming to the sea, when suddenly one of her friends had internal bleeding (for some reason) and all the others panicked and swimmed outside, but only her (my teacher) grabbed her so she won't drown and as she tried to swim her to the shore, a shark came and chased them so she swam as fast as she could (with her friend on her back or something) to a nearby rock formation, and waited there while the girl was bleeding, and helicopters was passing from above and they signaled them for help and the pilots were greeting them and left them there.
CalumDuff · 1 points · Posted at 07:24:35 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A good friend of mine told me a story once about how he was walking through town and a homeless man pulled a hunting knife on him. The homeless man said "Give me all your shit!", to which he replied with "Fuck off, I don't have anything", before pushing him aside and continuing on with his business.
He was only about one line into this story when I realised that I had actually been there at the time. Not only was I there, but it was actually ME that the man had threatened with a very small box-cutter, ME who had told him to fuck off, and ME who had pushed past him. This friend had been there to witness the whole thing, but stood silently behind me as the situation unfolded and had then checked to see if the man was following us several times over the next half hour.
Not only had he told me my own story, but he had also changed the facts so that the whole situation was more severe and he seemed to have blocked out the entire memory of my involvement to the point that he had forgotten that I was even there.
He always was a serial-exaggerator, but he has repurposed several of my stories before and I'm sure he's done it to others too.
speedymeboy · 1 points · Posted at 07:25:45 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he worked for Gamestop, played Call of Duty professionally with team envious, and is now doing a paid internship with Sherwin Williams. All while working with me at a bowling alley, as if all of that wasn't enough, he still needed to work at a bowling alley for minimum wage.
murphymcbadass · 1 points · Posted at 07:32:02 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he had cancer, went as far as burning himself with a hair straighter to say that was his radiation burn.
ZaphodTrippinBalls · 1 points · Posted at 07:41:10 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He shot a 2" grouping at some yardage that equaled 1 3/4 miles.
With a Savage Arms .308 caliber AR-15 with a Benelli scope.
First- No, you didn't. Didn't happen.
Second- Savage doesn't make an AR-15.
Third- .308 would be an AR-10.
Fourth- Benelli doesn't make scopes.
Also claims to run bakery from his mother in law's kitchen, to own multiple parking lots in major tourist cities, and to customize guns for money. Yet he works night shift in a factory.
In addition, he's had multiple heart attacks, was kept out of the Army Rangers by a car hitting him at 70 mph, broke multiple bones in bicycle accident. He's about 25 by the way. I knew him when he was around 20and never heard any of this nonsense.
His wife is a psychologist AND a professional chef. He has worked on a shrimp boat, as a construction foreman. His Ford Focus has dual transmissions.
Also, he's from Georgia but anytime you ask him where in Georgia he names off a few cities and then trails off.
He's become and endless source of entertainment in a boring workplace.
theDogoftheMoon · 1 points · Posted at 07:44:52 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well after reading this thread I realize I need to work on either A: work on not lying or B: work on more believable ones
3-cheese · 1 points · Posted at 07:59:39 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
We didn't set our house on fire
yeasayerstr · 1 points · Posted at 08:10:35 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I worked with a guy who missed his very first day of work because he forgot he had an appointment to get his wisdom teeth removed that very day. He showed up on the second day and our boss was sympathetic, but my BS detectors immediately went off. Anyone who's had their wisdom teeth removed knows there's swelling and pain that lasts for days. Yet he was talking normally and didn't seem to be in pain. We even went to lunch that day (I was his sponsor) and he at a normal meal without any issues.
Over the course of several months he and I became friends, but by the time I left I didn't even talk to him because I grew tired of the lies.
icantpretendanymore · 1 points · Posted at 08:19:23 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My best friend growing up once tried to pass off Avril Lavigne song lyrics as poetry she had written. After she had borrowed my CD. Even when I confronted her about it by pulling out the booklet with the lyrics inside, she still insisted 100% that she had written these 'poems'.
ofnovalue · 1 points · Posted at 08:19:52 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
She was pregnant. Statement of the year "Even though the marriage broke up I carried on with the IVF I was having. They took his sperm and mixed it with someone else's, to give it a boost."
ClassicGrace · 1 points · Posted at 08:24:49 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This guy at work wanted to have a day off to visit his girlfriend. To get a free day off he told us his sister was in the hospital, in critical condition! Kept it up for like a week before he was busted.
Terrible_Ty · 1 points · Posted at 08:27:45 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy I work with tells us stories all the time, the best one had to be about how his uncle was so depressed that he committed Sudoku, and this guy ended his uncle's suffering by decapitating him in traditional Sudoku fashion with a katana. We are in the military and have had background checks, so you know its true. Fucking Sudoku.
machingunwhhore · 1 points · Posted at 08:33:45 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My brothers version of the story: He accidentally lit a tissue on fire while the family was in the other room, my dad came storming in, smacked my brother around a little then stepped on the flaming tissue.
Everyone else's version of the story: They smelled something burning, my dad put the tissue out and calmly explained to my brother that he should start fires.
andrewiiv · 1 points · Posted at 08:34:38 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I saw this post yesterday and had a compulsive lier in mind but couldn't think of anything decent to post... But today he posted this on snapchat...
"Blah blah I'm in hospital" (which he seemed to be) but then the .. "they are FUCKING STABBING MY ASS OUCH GOD DAMMIT"... yes, I'm sure they are stabbing your ass while you're on snapchat... -_-
banyakmisi · 1 points · Posted at 08:37:59 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
he told me that leafy and pyro are pedos
walkthroughthefire · 1 points · Posted at 08:38:41 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh man, I've got a bunch. My neighbor is a compulsive liar who makes up the most obviously untrue stories. A few things she's told me are...
•Gelatin not being vegetarian is a myth
•That her mom has adopted more than 40 children, some of them older than her
•That my old high school banned cheerleading because too many cheerleaders got pregnant.
•Asked me who my favourite teacher was, then when I told her, she claimed that teacher was a raging bitch and had screamed at her multiple times for incorrect answers and uniform violations. The only class that teacher taught was band and I know for a fact that she wasn't in band.
•Teased me because my "boyfriend is a nerd" when I mentioned he was at a comic book store. Then when I told her we both like comics and that I have more than he does, she told me that she had 10 boxes full of comics in her closet, but refused to show me.
•That my boyfriend beats his parents, does hard drugs, and hangs out with this one sketchy guy who he's never even met. Apparently 8 people in our building had witnessed this and would back up her story if I asked them. My boyfriend lives on the opposite end of town and none of these people had ever seen him before.
•That she got sent to the psych ward for trying to murder her sister by tying a rope around her neck, tying the other end of the rope to a bedpost and then pushing her out the window. (Another girl and I were talking about out experiences there and I guess she felt left out of the conversations and wanted to one up us.) When people started freaking out and expressing disbelief, she changed her story and claimed that she had actually only tied the knot in the rope at her sister's request, not knowing why, and that her sister had jumped out the window and then blamed the whole thing on her...somehow only getting a week in the psych ward and no police involvement.
•She claimed that she was 5 months pregnant with the child of a guy I doubt she even slept with (2 days earlier she claimed to be a virgin.) She kept switching between claiming they'd had one magical night together, them having been fucking like bunnies for months, and him raping her, multiple times over the course of a few hours. The one thing she was consistent on was that she had lost her birginity to him though...until she found out that I had been pregnant before, but had miscarried. Then she claimed she'd been pregnant several times before, twice with twins, and had multiple miscarriages and abortions. She also claimed she had been skinny before getting pregnant and all her fat was from the pregnancy, despite the fact that I'd known her for six months. She also kept complaining about how she didn't want to have a baby, but she couldn't have an abortion because, I shit you not, the father had custody of their unborn child. Of course months later when I asked her about it, she claimed to have had a back alley abortion. She later claimed to already have a one-year-old child with this guy, that he had custody of, even though I was there when they met, 8 months earlier.
•And my personal favorite, that the guy who had supposedly gotten pregnant had a "half-son". As in, some chick had fucked both him and some other dude in the same day, both their sperms fertilized the egg at the same time, and somehow this formed a perfectly normal baby who just happened to have 3 biological parents.
I've found it's best too just respond with complete disinterest when she tries stuff like this because I know she's looking for a reaction. I try to avoid her as much as possible, but it's tough when you live in the same building.
schoolworkplay · 1 points · Posted at 08:41:20 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Guess I'm late to the thread, but this grown 24 year old dude told his then-girlfriend (and my friend) that he "sold" an app to Microsoft. This is a business student who, even after studying for 6 years, haven't been able to finish his business degree. As well, he had no inclinations towards programming that I knew of; and being a computer engineering student, this lie was funny to me. My friend being the gullible one, believed his lies for a year longer, until he started lying about getting a full time job at World Bank HQ (despite still not finishing that degree). Around that time she also received a collection notice from an agency about a credit card that he signed up for using her name (she knew that she was just an authorized user). She turned to her friends for help, we uncovered more lies that he told everyone over the years, and she finally broke up with him. Sucked for her because she was actually beginning to see a future with him.
kerelberel · 1 points · Posted at 08:42:32 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy at my shitty job says he actually has 2 PhD's in business science and used to work in Berlin. But he has to do this job now because his wife died and he has to take care of his young child and can't afford to travel all that much. He's also half Indian, as in Native American but we live in the Netherlands. He also used to do MMA fighting.
He once tried to explain quantum physics to us and even though I know nothing about it, I know he was talking pure nonsense.
ImNotVeryGoodWith · 1 points · Posted at 08:44:10 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
When i was around 14 one of my mates was saying how he banged the hot mum in the house around the corner, they did it in the bedroom, kitchen and then.. just when he was about to climax on his lie his phone starts ringing, it was SEAL Team 6 and they needed his assistance for an upcoming mission so he wouldnt be able to see me till tomorrow afternoon. Didnt hear or meet up with him the next day so never got to hear the full extent of the bullshit on how he shagged the local MILF, assume he died in combat poor lad.
MattHymore · 1 points · Posted at 08:51:09 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend tell me about this new movie he saw and how much he loved it, and I didn't believe him so he got mad and tried to prove to me he did and then like a week later we talked about the same movie and he said how terrible it looks and how he'd never pay to see it and I brought up that he said he saw it and got mad and told me I must be thinking of a different friend and he couldn't believe id think it was him and how the day I said he saw it that he was with a friend. Lol
KindaConfusedIGuess · 1 points · Posted at 08:52:09 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Late to the party here, but let me talk just a little bit about my ex-girlfriend back in high school. This is just the short version since I'm kind of tired at the moment.
We met online, right? Well, she told me she was 15 after I told her I was 16. Turned out she was actually 13.
Told me her dad was a cop and he got killed in the line of duty when she was little. Her dad was actually very much alive, was never a cop (he was a construction worker) and was none too happy to hear that his daughter had killed him off in her stories.
Told me her mom and stepdad regularly would drop her off at her uncle's house so they could go on weekend-long drug-fuled partying binges. Not only was this not true in that neither of them did drugs, but she was being dropped off at her dad's house because he had weekend custody. She didn't even have an uncle.
Told me that her ex-boyfriend from a few years before that had broken into her house and tried to rape her, and she stabbed him in the arm and he ran away. She later admitted this was a lie.
Told me she programmed her own video game in RPG Maker in the span of a week that was even longer than Final Fantasy X, but she deleted it because her best friend played it and she didn't like it.
There's tons more, but that's all I feel like writing now.
TheAnomaly123 · 1 points · Posted at 08:53:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He claimed his dad was part of the SAS and whilst on a bring your son to work day he watched his father kill 3 men in hand to hand combat. The guy was 14/15 at the time.
Thomas43333 · 1 points · Posted at 08:56:26 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
How do we know everyone here is not just also a compulsive liar, making up stories about compulsive liars
weedybleach · 1 points · Posted at 09:05:57 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
An old friend of mine told lies all the time. Everyone knew it, but no one acknowledged it? I knew this girl for a long time, so I guess then it was because we were neighbor friends and I didn't care, because she hung out with me all the time. Right before we ended our friendship, she told me she was going to ride a horse for a mutual friend of ours in a rodeo that weekend.. I texted the mutual about it, and she tells me that horse died months ago. She also told me she interviewed with Comedy Central and was going to work on the Nick Krohl show, and almost in the same sentence told me she had been diagnosed with cancer. And for literally years she was 'moving to New York next month'.
She still lives with her parents, and we haven't been friends in over two years.
roamingphantom · 1 points · Posted at 09:12:22 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Late to the party but here it goes:
She said she has a band consisted of the following:
A Japanese guy who plays guitar and tend (or always) break his guitar everytime the practice ends by smashing it to the ground.
An American guy whoplays keyboard. He's the son of a CIA agent and FBI agent who has an army of animals (such as hamsters, birds, dogs, cats, etc) that was trained to follow this friend of mine and her friends to make sure she's ok, equipped with camera/video taping device/etc.
Some guy who play drum with 4 drumsticks, 2 in each hand. Also the drumsticks are made of metal. Also like to end up punching a hole to the drums too.
She told me/us this story when she's around Junior High School. Everytime I asked her about the progress of her band, she said things like it's going to release an album soon, etc etc. All of the songs written were made by her. Everytime I ask for pictures of their band, she always give me an excuse on why they don't want to be photographed/don't want others to see them/etc.
Months passed. Around the end of junior high school, she said her band is going to be disbanded. She wants to burn the remaining of her band, asking my help to burn it with her. She had a small sized envelope that's said to contain the band pictures/memento/etc etc. Basically stating she's going to 'move on' from it.
Wee lit up a small fire, tried to burn the envelope but made a lame excuse how the envelope is too thick for the fire to burn it completely. Someone have to open the envelope and burn the content one by one. Firstly she was against it but finally agreed. When we opened it, viola! There was no such thing as the band memento/picture. Everything was only the stuffs she wrote/made, nothing more than that. She acted surprised like 'oh probably that genius American kid sneaked one of his hamster to take out the photographs&everything else important.
It's only one of the story, but it's the most memorable one for me.
FocusedLearning · 1 points · Posted at 09:18:37 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a guy who said he was fucking a ripped 6'4 man (he's gay) and his dad who was like 36 at the same time and that they both had 10 inch dicks.
MagicSPA · 1 points · Posted at 09:24:05 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I once knew a young, goofy-looking, spotty nerd with a stammer and a very pronounced facial tic who worked in a call centre with me. He would lie about really obvious bullshit out of nowhere and then apparently resent you for remembering it and bringing it up later.
Some of the lines that this kid reeled out:
he used to have a job in London as an estate agent for £100,000 a year, but became a call centre agent on about a sixth of that because he found it too stressful
he was very good friends with one of the team bosses in Formula One and could get hospitality tickets from them if he asked
he had a beautiful model girlfriend who he never saw because she was always on photo shoots; the one she was on at the time he told was the Bahamas.
Liars need to have good memories. This guy didn't. And even when I was young, at the time, I tended to be trusting and naive, but I didn't believe this guy for a second. No-one did.
Iphonegalaxymobile · 1 points · Posted at 09:25:08 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I use to work with a guy that told me once that he didn't like french fries. We went several times for drinks and burgers after work...
CVDP61 · 1 points · Posted at 09:27:17 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He didnt show up for 2 weeks at school, came back and told us he won the unreal tournament championships in korea, our teacher actually bought a cake to celebrate, one day he told us his girlfriend died in a car crash, yesterday, while he was walking with us... we were like WTF how can you be here and stuff like that, only to find out everything was a lie... poor fella.
puffballz · 1 points · Posted at 09:27:19 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That his dad died in an armoured cash vehicle. Burned alive in a hold up. All BS... Dad is alive
MagicSPA · 1 points · Posted at 09:37:56 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a barmaid who worked in a local brewery who was absolutely full of shit.
She once said that she was one of the daughters of the owner, despite clearly having a different surname to the rest of the family members who worked there. When I raised this with the other family members they just looked blank, or rolled their eyes.
She said she had been on an Olympic team for the UK. When asked what Olympic event she specialised in, she said it was the "tug 'o war".
Shit got old quick. Nice tits for a fat lass, though.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 09:39:13 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My Girlfriend's Aunt's partner. Has done it all, ramped police cars, died a couple times, met every famous person ever, done every job you can think of, the list goes on. It doesn't really bug me, because the stories are quite entertaining, but she really thinks that everyone believes here stories. That conviction is the best part.
Snapsh0ts · 1 points · Posted at 09:40:27 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I used to have one friend who did this growing up, we all thought he would grow out of it but never did. It got to a point where it was too much energy to indulge him in his fantasies that I just stopped seeing him.
He told so many that I can't name one story but he would always suggest I asked (random name) on the validity of his story. This was always someone I didn't know or he knew I would never ask about such a thing.
One time I did question someone he suggested, he lost his shit and told me to stop talking about him.
He will be forever known as "The boy with a story"
giantsnails · 1 points · Posted at 09:41:53 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He survived a box jellyfish sting on his leg. He was 14 and had no scarring.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 09:43:33 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Someone back in my college days claimed he killed someone with lightning to another person I know. I love that.
WishIUsedAThrowaway · 1 points · Posted at 09:57:55 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh lord.. I work with a couple people like this, but let's focus on the most recent one. Let's see...
Hes 26 years old but: He has diabetes, he has lupus, he has GERD, shin splints in both legs, no cartilage in his knees, he's been shot 3 times, stabbed 6 times, and been in thousands of "gang wars"
His father and family were leading members of the hells angels(yet he can't even ride a 100cc scooter) he is licensed to carry a gun, licensed to kill, yet has several felonies, his father is somehow also an ex marine, and he comes from a huge military family with several high ranking officers. His mom's dead, his dads dead, his sisters are dead, yet he seems to lend them a lot of money. He's "level three schizophrenic" but only sometimes, he sleeps once every four days and only for two hours. Something his "military" dad taught him. He's done every single drug ever, but can't seem to understand the difference between LSD and MDMA or crack and percoset. He owes several different companies thousands of dollars, is months late on rent but calls off about twice a Month due to "family complications" When qualifying for a license to carry he "out shot" a navy seal and our police chief using a .45acp hipoint. He is trained in several forms of hand to hand, and once beat the shit out or 4 teenagers because they were "riding around him in circles on skateboards"
I can go on..
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 10:25:50 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's never lupus.
WishIUsedAThrowaway · 1 points · Posted at 11:26:40 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Honestly I don't even think he knows what lupus is.
Lottie1799 · 1 points · Posted at 10:06:01 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My dad is a compulsive liar, he once told my sister and I that when he was travelling in Iraq, he was arrested and spent a week in a triangular prison cell, eating almost nothing and drinking only once a day. Turns out this was someone else's story that he had stolen.
Also, he apparently played on stage as support for The Smiths when he was in a band...
gozu · 1 points · Posted at 10:08:11 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
ex-Coworker of mine called me and said: "Our boss is taking us to key west in a helicopter for thanksgiving.
Our boss didn't have a helicopter, or money, or a reason to somehow pre-empt thanksgiving family time, etc. It was just as ludicrous as it sounds.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 10:32:38 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend who swore that he was in an insane asylum at one point and was given a straight jacket. After explaining to him that insane asylums are only for the criminally insane and what the criminally insane are, he insisted that he was in a mental hospital.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 10:38:05 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
No one example, but I know a person who recites the funny conversations he hears on buses (half of the time they involve somebody inadvertently complimenting him). It happens so often that it's clearly absolute boswollox. What fucking bus is he taking!?
GroovySockBlarg · 1 points · Posted at 10:58:59 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This 'compulsive liar' works with my friend. He literally has to out-do everyone. Some of his best ones are he flew over his place of work in an aeroplane. He acquired an old Ford Mustang when visiting the states, and in the space of one day it was totally restored and riced and was doing donuts and burnouts. Yet he also struggles to keep up with each lie no matter how big or small. Whenever my friend tells me the stories I cringe so hard haha.
chedeng · 1 points · Posted at 11:13:27 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A friend told me that he never gets drunk, this is while he had his third beer and was rambling on about how many times he drinks but never gets drunk. Still to this day doesn't want to admit that he gets affected by alcohol and can get drunk.
HelloMyNameIsLola · 1 points · Posted at 11:14:03 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've been lying to all of you for more than a year...
Well, my name isn't Lola. It should have been Loca instead of Lola, but I made an error when creating the account. But Loca isn't my name either, it was a reference to this video.
punxsutawneyphyllis · 1 points · Posted at 11:18:15 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Told me that she'd had several heart transplants, and somehow came home from the hospital within a day of her most recent "surgery".
kosilosi · 1 points · Posted at 11:22:21 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My dumbass friend told me he had an Oculus Rift back in his home country, 6 months prior to the official release date.
I took out my phone and proved him wrong the very second, but the stubborn bastard wouldn't budge. He told me to ask his parents but his parents were away, so he stuck to his story.
Orosion · 1 points · Posted at 11:29:22 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I often went to a bar with a friend of mine who really liked to brag about how cool his life is. Soon I realised that all he said was just bs. But me and some other friends always had a good laugh with it.
-He has an uncle who bought a humvee that the USA used in a war. It still had bulletholes in it so his uncle painted more bulletholes on the Hummer so that you couldn't see the real ones. We live in Belgium. You don't see that many hummers out here. And I've never seen one that came straight out of a war zone. About a year later he brought that uncle with him to the pub. I went to him and said my friend told me about his car. "I never had a car" he answered...
An other time there was this real badass in the pub who was telling some people about his time in jail. My friend wanted to be a tough guy and was like don't you worry mate. I just spent 3 weeks in jail myself. The other guys looked at him like whoaw you're also a real badass. I was talking with some other people at that moment when I turned around and asked him "so how come we had a drink last week if you were in jail then?"
Ah good times though...
BeardBonanza · 1 points · Posted at 11:33:29 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I worked with a guy who was the worst for lies. Here are some of the worst:
When he went to see Beyonce he got invited back stage to have drinks with her
He used to live on a boat and he would leave cheese sandwiches on the deck so they would turn into toasties
He owned his own fashion company
He used to be homeless
He got a maths degree in a week
He doesn't know the alphabet
His friend is some millionaire of sorts who has a 150" tv screen on his wall
He used to be a teacher
He'd go to parties that would be non-stop for weeks and everyone would dress up as vampires and LEGIT drink blood
He was a certified Vicar
He used to be a head chef
He was a published author
He has three sets of teeth
craftycommando · 1 points · Posted at 11:42:18 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A coworker, well call him "doug" has a knack for 'one-upmanship'. Anytime he hears someone telling a story about their life, he has a better experience to share. Unfortunately he has a really boring life and not many of them are true. Here are a some examples of his more entertaining stories: - The time a NY State Police Trooper let him drive home drunk from the gas station with an open container because "it was just down the street and we weren't that drunk." -More fights than Julio Chavez. -The time he saw a weeping angel in real life. -He managed the most profitable McDonalds in the state. There are many more but its early and i havent even started in on my coffee
Halbertos · 1 points · Posted at 11:53:48 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
There's plenty I'm forgetting, but these were the real highlights.
Kumacon · 1 points · Posted at 12:03:07 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had roommates boyfriend try to convince me he was a vampire. When I asked him where his fans were, he told me he was an "energy vampire" that could drain the life-force out of someone without biting them. I played along and enabled his delusion and instead of calling him out on it, I gave him the opportunity to embarrass himself by letting him demonstrate his powers on me. He straight up grabbed my wrists and made a groaning moaning sound as he closed his eyes and shook slightly. I told him I felt nothing, and he said it must be because we are on an Indian burial ground.
He also was a Smith and made katanas for a living, was a close personal friend of Steve Irwin, and was considered for the role of the youngest brother in Three Ninjas.
bridge_view · 1 points · Posted at 12:21:12 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
"I did not have sex with that woman."
snoopiku · 1 points · Posted at 12:28:15 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Biggest one I got:
My friends ex girlfriend used to tell people she had an actual copy of Kurt Cobains suicide note. She would brag about it, saying how her dad was friends with some record executive and that how she had gotten a copy.
Turns out it was a big poster of his suicide note, like one you could buy at Hot Topic or something like that.
There were so many more instances, but this was probably the most ridiculous one.
Willibles · 1 points · Posted at 12:40:21 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Really fat kid, let's call him D.
First, he claimed that he was friends with George Lucas, and saw Episode VII a year before its release.
Next, he got 3 solid gold PS4s. He tried to convinces us of this by showing us a picture on Google images. You could see the search bar at the top of the page!
I am the tech geek at my school, so D asks me to get rid of viruses on his phone. He says they are "taking up all his storage" So I install a File Manager on his phone and check for apps that look suspicious. There are none. But I do find what's taking up his space: 6-7 gb of videos with porn titles. Delete them all, he says "Thanks!" I think he was too embarrassed to ask what happened to his "scientific research".
He claims he has a Bugatti Veyron. All year he was talking about how he paid off the police (All of them? In the world?) so he could drive it as fast as he wants on the highway. Proved he has it by, you guessed it, Google images.
Was suspended from school for about 2 weeks, claims he was in Dubai, making a deal so now he owns part of Microsoft.
Steals money and food from us, claims the principal of the school stole the money that he was going to pay us back with.
Thought I would like him if he showed he knew about PCs. Says he has the best gaming computer in the state. I reply "What are the specs?" "It's an Alienware". I reply "Alienwares aren't good gaming pcs, they are overpriced and have bad gpus" "But it's an ALIENWARE"
Claims he lives in a mansion, lives in a 1-story house at the edge of town.
Says that he can go to Harvard or any school he wants because his grandparents will pay for the whole thing.
xXSexyPanda69Xx · 2 points · Posted at 13:05:32 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I can confirm this I go to school with will and D is the biggest douche he can't go a day without lying. We wouldn't hate him if he didn't lie and take money he claims he has a galaxy s7 only for the vr. He says he bought an uncharted ps4 and said he would show me a picture then suddenly his phone doesn't work but he uses it later that day. Says he has a smart watch but it's at home downloading. He is nice and cool for five minutes then he brags about some fake things. We wouldn't care if he is poor or not but he keeps lying
Willibles · 2 points · Posted at 13:36:11 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Exactly
epicolocity · 1 points · Posted at 12:48:19 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
~7 years ago he told us that his dad works at Xbox and that he had an Xbox 720 at home, with a bunch of games that hadn't came out yet
Gheeds · 1 points · Posted at 12:56:43 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Guy I used to work at taco bell with said he and his buddy cruised 27 blunts in a single cruise.
Wendy-M · 1 points · Posted at 13:01:32 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a compulsive liar in primary school (don't know if she still is) and her favourite lie was about how many brothers she had. She had one sister. We all knew it.
MissSara24 · 1 points · Posted at 13:04:50 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
my husband is the king of lies. dont know where to begin.
here's a recent one. I found evidence of a women in our car so I asked about it,
I asked 'hey, did you carpool today?'
answer from the liar
um carpool, no, I've actually only carpooled twice in our car I think, ...blah blah and he went on elaborately telling me how he doesn't carpool, so after sneaking into his emails I found he doenst car pool, he goes on dates with a 27 year old women from work. we've been married for 18 years. Im 48 and he's 44. oh the lies.
SnarkyMcSnarkyPants · 1 points · Posted at 13:21:44 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Jess, - faked leukemia - faked a broken leg - faked being raped - was "addicted to weed" in 8th grade - accused a guy of sexual assault because he turned her down.
briangcb · 1 points · Posted at 13:24:01 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I used to work with a woman that had to constantly one-up you any time she was in ears shot of a conversation. There was no point calling her out on it because she'd just deny and get offended, like any compulsive Liar. But essentially, if you mentioned a celebrity, she had met them. I think my favourite one she told me though had to be when I was listening to a song by Stevie Ray Vaughan. And she came up to me and said "I was at his last concert! I warned his helicopter pilot that the sky looked too foggy to fly in. But he didn't listen!"
So you heard it here first folks. If Stevie Ray Vaughan's helicopter pilot had listened to this random woman, he'd still be alive.
pessimisticemo · 1 points · Posted at 13:32:52 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Told me her parents died when she was 4 so her and her sisters lived on cat food and nothing else for 3 years
raiders60 · 1 points · Posted at 13:39:45 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A friend of mine told me a girl at college "forced him" to have sex with her, then she got pregnant, then a month later she had a miscarriage when someone rear ended her.
Also he says he never pukes when he drinks and he can drink 30 beers. Yet every time we drink together he pukes after 8 beers.
Just a few of his many many lies.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:55:21 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He's quite prolific. I left a lot of things out. He lies about everything, Down to things that are impossible. We worked in a coal mine. The man supposedly had a doctor's note saying he's allergic to rock dust. Witnessed him punch a block of wood, not the little karate slats, until his hand swelled up.
The trouble was catching him up in one. He said he had pictures with Chuck, (this was the pre-Norris joke era), but his wife washed them with his clothes. Ruined them.
easychairinmybr · 1 points · Posted at 14:13:20 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
As I avoid these type of individuals I have no point of reference to post a comment.
johngreenink · 1 points · Posted at 14:17:53 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Friend, I'll call him Danny:
Once said that he'd been 'Forcibly detained against his will' at a mall (?) and was handcuffed to a folding chair because he'd mistakenly walked into an exit door. By the way, he's about 6'4", and weighs close to 300 lbs.
Said that he had an incurable disease that had never been heard of before, had no known treatment, stumped all his doctors, and remained unsolved (he was in his late 40's).
Once told me that he couldn't get dinner or coffee because of (yet another) disease. When I asked what on earth he was talking about, he said he was worried about "contamination". He then clarified and explained that it was concern that it was "cross contamination."
We didn't talk for about a year, and he said "I lost about 50 pounds, but then gained it back when I got sick." (both things occurring within the space of a year.)
Came to an art opening at a group of studios and berated one of the artists challenging her on every aspect of her work. It was bad enough that she had to tell him to leave her studio. She was a friend of mine. I asked him about this later, and he claimed he'd never seen her and had had a great day looking at artwork.
Said that nearly every doctor that had treated him had either misdiagnosed something, or gave him the wrong medication, or caused a condition to get worse.
In relation to all of the above, I wonder if his case isn't so much of compulsive lying as one of intense paranoia. Edit: Formatting.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 14:18:55 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
People in Scotland called him lord ellon and he was rich over there and his grandmother was rich over here. Meanwhile he lived in a row home in central jersey and stole all his mother's money she gave him to pay for school in Princeton (which he pretended to go to for 2 years) and gambled it away in AC.
Oh and stole jewelry off his dying grandmother and gave it to his girlfriend and claimed he purchased it from his job at the jewelry store (which he was fired from for stealing).
All this while he constantly and relentlessly lies about being a professional watch maker and how he owned expensive watches. He was only 20 at the time.
imlucid · 1 points · Posted at 14:22:28 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He threw a throwing knife at a car while it was driving by, hit the tire and the car did a front flip. He threw a molotov at someones house. Beat up a convenience store owner with a bat. He was also a skinny little twig and 15 years old just to put into perspective
Catlady007 · 1 points · Posted at 14:24:12 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
She lied about a bunch of shit but the worst lie was that she was molested and changed her stories several times and also that she had a miscarriage and she wasn't even pregnant. She was a piece of shit. Stopped being her friend in high school when she tried to steal my boyfriend. She was a master manipulator too. Over 10 years later and I still think about how awful she was and she probably still is an awful human.
maracusdesu · 1 points · Posted at 14:31:46 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I used to have a friend who would just say things, and when we pointed out the holes in his story he told new lies to make it work.
I knew him for about 12 years, and since it seemed so important for him to be right I just kinda laughed it off with a smug face.
Robo_Kid_ · 1 points · Posted at 14:32:28 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know I'm a little late, but around the 6th grade I met this boy,. So him and I met when we had to do a language arts project together. He seemed fairly normal at first, it started off with him showing me his shoes that were previously his cousins. He told me this stain on the side was blood from a fight his cousin got it. Him and I continue talking as we also sat together at lunch. He often told random obscure facts about his life not worth mentioning. Some of the things that are worth mentioning is, he's a Crip, killed many, many people, oh he lost his virginity at age 7, did a dude at age 9, often parties with hard drugs including cocaine, acid, and molly. He also has a new girlfriend, that nobody in the school has met, weekly. Around the eighth grade we stopped talking because we no longer had any classes together but he'd often approach me during recess or lunch and tell me about his recent drug usage. After middle school I never saw him again, but I hope he's having fun partying with drugs, women, and gang members!
xilambda · 1 points · Posted at 14:32:52 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
The most ridiculous one I have heard is, "I got a dog when I was 7 and he lived until I was 42". When we started telling him that that was not possible he responded with, "Nevermind. I got the dog when I was 11." Oh, it lived to be 31. Alright, makes much more sense.
JohnFAgda · 1 points · Posted at 14:40:49 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This weird dude(I stayed away from him because he was so weird) Told me that he is God and the humans is his personal ant farm, and to tell you the truth, he is actually an atheist(so, an atheist who believes he is God), and that he was the 13th reincarnation of the doctor(Doctor Who), and he believed he has 4 personas(which all are linked to Batman/DC universe in some way), and that his house cancels/disregards the laws of physics. I would like to tell you more(I wish I was lying but I'm not) but it's too damn many to fit in one comment.
Temsikk · 1 points · Posted at 15:02:34 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A few things a girl I used to know told us:
She broke her back over the summer holidays but it healed by the time school started that's why we didn't see the wheelchair
She was surfing far out in the ocean and seaweed got wrapped around her neck and she was under for 5 minutes before someone happened to swim by and save her
A joke that was made about her spread round the whole of our part of London and now her mum can't get a job because their name has been slated
Her sisters eyes change from blue to green to purple depending on her mood....The sister just have us a 'wtf' look when we asked her about it...
She can't comfort people when they cry because when her fiance died she didn't cry so can't understand others pain???? She's never had a boyfriend let alone a dead fiance sooo....
I'm sure there's 100s more that I've forgotten. Once you got over the fact that nearly every word was a lie she was cool to hang out with though
Realitype · 1 points · Posted at 15:09:05 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
There was this guy I knew that got some time in jail for a minor drug offense. I didn't hear about him for a couple of months but when I met him he sure had a lot to tell me (lie to me).
Apparently in a couple of months (supposedly in a maximum security prison) he managed to:
When he finished I just told him "OK cool" and never talked to him again.
BrendaInGame · 1 points · Posted at 15:15:13 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
There's a person who does this all the time in our class in college. Let's call him by his nickname, Grimwood.
Apparently he is a DJ for gigs in Ibifa and other popular tourist destinations. He said during half term he's going to go out there and play a set. So now we call him DJ Grimwood.
Crazycatladylvl · 1 points · Posted at 15:21:34 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
We knew this nutty guy back in highschool and he'd say ridiculous things like:
He said a bunch of bashit things (note that he was 17) and he at one stage brain washed my friend and I and almost convinced us to enter a polyamorous relationship with him (we were 15).
ohpastoxypresent · 1 points · Posted at 16:05:19 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Pathological liar I know said he has gotten 3 holes in one golfing yet every time I play with him he shoots way over 100 for the round. Didn't have any witnesses any of the times either. Ya right buddy
sidescrollerboy · 1 points · Posted at 16:07:06 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy I knew in college told me that he...
Walked into the woods and a bear hugged him and an old native american lady approached him and told him he was special.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:14:59 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
When I was in middle school I new a girl that said she was Gerard way's (singer of my chemical romance) girlfriend's cousin. I don't know why no one ever googled it but we didn't. She would always tell us at school how Gerard and his girlfriend were at her house when we were at school but then after school when we'd be talking on the phone and ask if we could come over to meet him she'd be like "he left the house suuuuch a mess. My dad doesn't want anyone over."
She went on to say that she met and was really good friends with avenged sevenfold. I remember one time I was on the phone with her while she was waiting for her dad at his office and she said they were there. She would have full on conversations with them while on the phone to me. Like "oh my god (idk any of those guys' names) stop! You're gonna break something! Oh my god you guys are so funny!". When they werent there she would stop the phone conversation because "the singer of avenged sevenfold was on the other line"
In high school she went on to accuse her boyfriend of beating her. I hope that was another lie cause I grew up with him and personally don't think he could hurt a fly...but you really never know.
Also went to high school with a girl who said the rumored pervy teacher sexually assaulted her resulting in him being fired and not being able to run down the beach anymore cause all the kids would pelt sand balls at him. Maybe it did happen and I feel bad for thinking its a lie because that's the case with so many actual sexual abuse survivors, but she also went around telling everyone she has a helipad in her backyard because she has a rare disease in which she has to be flown by helicopter to Oahu (I live in Maui) every weekend....so kinda hard to believe ridiculous things that come out of her mouth.
sheepyaqua · 1 points · Posted at 16:24:34 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My sister in law (let me add now I despise this woman for more reasons then just this) went down and told me her whole backstory about how her mother was abusive and she lived with her dad who was also abusive. She was in Juvie (this is the only part I know 100% is true as my father in law was the one who put her in there) and after she got out she moved to Utah where apparently she inherited over thousands of dollars after her grandpa died. She ended up putting it all in a bank and became a prostitute because she was broke and a druggie. She then moved back up here, got knocked up/married to a guy who apparently was abusive and hooked up with my brother in law. Now the story doesn't end there. Oh no! She told my brother in law about all this money she had in the bank. When they moved in together and started having trouble he asked her to have the money transferred. She was like 'Ok. I'll call the bank' The first time the bank froze her account because someone tried to hack into it and take the money, the next time it was froze again for the same reason, the third time it was back up but the systems were down, and the final time there had been a storm that wiped the computer systems. This was where my brother in law finally got his head out of his ass and decided to try and call this number she had been calling. Turns out it wasn't even a number for a bank. Gee, what a surprise. She still occasionally spews bullshit to us but at this point my girlfriends family is fed up and just ignores it.
frannie_kitty · 1 points · Posted at 16:36:08 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
In college, I knew this kid who claimed he:
piloted his personal 747 to far flung destinations (Seychelles, Kazakhstan, Patagonia, etc) on the weekends
was a victim of severe color blindness, not even grey scale, just black or white
owned a 100% complete t-rex skeleton that he kept in a giant atrium attached to his secret Malibu home
accidentally sat on a needle infected with AIDS (not HIV) that was stuck into a movie theater seat, went to the hospital where he received an emergency AIDS vaccine that cured him
... among many other stories. My favorite, though, was this one:
He claimed one day when he was driving his Bugatti Veyron down PCH with a friend, he met a motorcycle cop stopped at a red light. The officer complemented him on his car and asked if he wanted to drag race. His friend tried talking him out of it, but the police officer assured them that he just wanted to see the car accelerate, and that he wouldn't ticket him. Convinced by the cop, he jammed on the accelerator when the light turned green. He got up to 199 mph when the cop finally pulled him over and issued him a $15,000 speeding ticket, and impounded the car. Luckily his dad was personal friends with Robert Shapiro, who was able to get him out of paying the ticket and got his car back. He then paid $1M to the CHP so he could have a "licence to speed" for the rest of his life.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:44:29 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend who would always make up the most stupid things like being offered a job at NASA, he raced NASCAR ect. But the one that got me the most is when time a song came on the radio and he told me he represented someone in court and played that same song on his keyboard to the judge and he dismissed all charges. This was over 20 years ago and I still laugh thinking of it.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 16:45:11 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ha! One of the best I read here.
...he had a rock solid defence.
EtherealSiren24 · 1 points · Posted at 16:47:34 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Knew the typical lassie that had sex with a guy and then lied about it and told the police he raped her. We don't speak anymore.
Electricbliss · 1 points · Posted at 16:50:01 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Boyfriend has this coworker and he constantly spits out bullshit. He told us that he was working at a subway store and this person would come in everyday and then one day this person gifted him a car by just leaving car keys on the counter with a note. That same day- the car needed gas and when he was pulling away out of the gas station, someone ran a red light and hit him going like 50 and totaled said car. Ugh- there's plenty more...like he used to work in a 4 star restaurant ( why are you working at a village inn now?) also that he has fucked over 400 women, ha yeah sure buddy.
marzblaqk · 1 points · Posted at 17:33:08 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
This old veteran who went to my college claimed he was a math genius that proved Stephen Hawking wrong. Claimed he owned a direwolf. Claimed he rescued a Sultans's son and was made Sultan for a day because of it. Said he got to have all 20 of the girls in the royal harem.
I imagine this guy got brain damage from standing out in the middle of the dessert for 3 years.
On top of all that he was a gross pervert. Talked about burning a thong he found in his 15 year old niece's room and tried touching my friend after she gave him a ride home.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:15:12 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
Lysdexicant · 2 points · Posted at 20:13:07 on August 7, 2016 · (Permalink)
My father saw piglets that would eat the shit that dropped out of larger pigs they were following. He never mentioned anything about them taking turns shitting directly into each other's mouths.. This was on a beach in Haiti though. Azerbaijani factory pigs are apparently much more advanced.
emmadobad · 1 points · Posted at 00:20:59 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know a girl who told us again and again that she couldn't drink a lot and had to be careful about how much she drank because she had some sort of kidney problem. We had just met this girl at uni and didn't have any reason not to believe her. First red flag was after Easter break she came back and suddenly had her operation saying it had been pushed forward or something. Second red flag she asked us if we wanted to see the scars, she showed us her stomach and there was literally not a mark on there. Later that year we were drinking and this girl suddenly crouched down and started coughing (because her drunk friend was refusing to go to bed) she the demands several times that we call an ambulance. We oblige because as far as we know this girl has recently had surgery or whatever. Paramedics come and are being quite rude to us for calling them so I tell them she just had an operation. Girl admits it never happened. Was sufficiently awkward. Obviously cut ties with the girl after several such lies.
morningstar1310 · 1 points · Posted at 00:25:54 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm sorry, glad you got away.
482doomedchicken · 1 points · Posted at 01:47:48 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wish I'd got to this thread earlier... I live across the hall from a compulsive liar. I swear, every second thing that comes out of his mouth is bullshit. One from today:
-He and his colleagues at a well-known pub in my city were bored, so they decided to nail a chopping board to a wall and have a knife throwing competition, during which the manager came in and had a laugh about it.
Some others:
-At any given time, he seems to tell me he has at least a pound of weed, in his room (we live somewhere where there's regular security). Once he pretended to be smoking a joint, I tried it and it was just a cigarette, he blamed this on his sister who apparently rolled it and put '0.5%' in.
-He has a pony, a horse, a 'small satellite' that he actually owns, and a £6000 watch (among other things) but cant afford to live somewhere better
-He also makes stuff up about a girl we both know, claims she asked to shag him for a pack of cigarettes, etc. , which I put at a 0.000001% chance
jeepre80 · 1 points · Posted at 02:37:11 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had this friend who 100% believed the irrational things she was saying. Antonio Bandaras started calling her because he was having trouble with his wife, Melanie Griffith. He would call for her advice nearly every night. Then John Travolta started calling as well. News must have got around that she is a celebrity whisperer because George Clooney then started. When I tell you she truly truly believed this, I mean she really recounted entire conversations. She is smart, has a good job, is married, and owns a home.
meowplusderp · 1 points · Posted at 03:12:14 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Had this one asshole co-worker who claimed to have worked at the only 7-star hotel in the world. I don't buy that for a second. He got removed from the site I'm at for leaving 3 hours before he was supposed to and not informing our boss.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 09:00:01 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
A girl I worked with said she couldn't come to work becuase people would kill her if she left the house. She came in the next day becuase they obviously forgot they were going to kill her.
I've banged married girls a few times and I've been caught so I was scared as hell for like a week and they were just going to beat me up. That's bad.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:07:30 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)*
EDIT: I knew another person who told me that she got high when she was like 10 because someone sprinkled cocaine on her popcorn at the movie theatre.
nein-tails · 1 points · Posted at 18:15:46 on June 23, 2016 · (Permalink)
He told me he smoked weed with Snoop Dogg
niss7271 · 1 points · Posted at 09:18:19 on June 24, 2016 · (Permalink)
A bit late to the party but whatever. I know one compulsive liar and he's told plenty of unbeliavable stories but only two come to mind at the moment. 1. He told me he killed a shark using only a piece of metal while on a schooltrip, in Spain 2. His 20 year old sister was an Air Force pilot
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 09:40:19 on June 24, 2016 · (Permalink)
The day after I turned 21 I hung out with my group of friends and drank. I told them all the story of how I got upset when I went to the liquor store and they didn't ID me. I practically asked the guy to. Everyone laughed we kept drinking blah blah.
One of my best friends bdays is a few weeks after mine. He threw a party and told that exact same story...to the exact same group of friends. They all just nodded at me like 'we know, just let it slide, it's his bday'
MissGraceRose · 1 points · Posted at 18:01:00 on June 24, 2016 · (Permalink)
I don't know her any more, but a girl I was friends with in school once told me she met Orlando Bloom in the headmasters office. (This is when Lord of the Rings came out in the cinema). She used to lie about all sorts of things and I could tell this was no different, but she got so offended when I called her out on it and said that because I was her friend I was supposed to believe everything she said.
ThreeHourCharName · 1 points · Posted at 19:06:53 on June 24, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he caught a wild Charizard in Pokémon Black using a Freeze Ball.
thelemonsoflife · 1 points · Posted at 02:04:24 on June 25, 2016 · (Permalink)
That she tripped while holding a kitchen knife, accidentally stabbing herself, so she called her cousin who's a doctor to come over and patch her up so her parents wouldn't find out (for whatever reason), so he inserted a piece of plastic into her side (because obvi) but couldn't use anesthesia while he did it because it would be illegal (great), and here grabs my hand roughly and pushes it against her side you can even feel it if you feel around enough. Other things she claimed happened to her but definitely didn't: She's been mugged; during track practice on her run someone tried to kidnap her, prompting the police to be called when a coach overheard her telling this to her friends at practice; she got a black eye when she tried to make peace with her "boy toy's" crazy ex-gf and she ended up punching her, giving her the opportunity to apply blue and purple eyeshadow to fake a bruise and wear sunglasses excessively; any time she received a text from previously mentioned "boy toy", which was actually just text from herself that she added as his contact info (back when you could do this easily with non-smart phones).
I could write a novel about all her lies. They were infuriating at the time when I finally realized they were all lies, but endlessly entertaining for me now to reminisce upon.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:38:46 on June 25, 2016 · (Permalink)
This boy that I used to go to school with told my whole lunch table that "My sister and I had this family friend, and we crawled inside of his ribs" This was a kid that couldn't tell you what country he lived in.
albinocobra · 1 points · Posted at 18:55:57 on June 25, 2016 · (Permalink)
I don't think I was a compulsive liar, but I used to tell lies all the time and didn't even realize how crazy they sounded until now. Just incase someone I know from real life reads this, I'll only be listing two.
-I was writing songs and one of the ones I wrote my cousin saw who gave to his friend, a producer, who happened to be Lady Gaga's producer and I told my friend that Lady Gaga decided to sing and have my song produced. (I was in middle school .)
-When I slept with my eyes closed, I could see through my eyelids and see everything perfectly, like I had a superpower and described what things looked like with my eyes closed.
I still cringe looking back at the mountains of lies I told people and how they actually believed me because we were all so young. The lying started at the beginning of my life through freshman year of highschool before I stopped. Unfortunately as a result I now have major trust issues since I lied so much, I think everyone's lying to me. It sucks, but I'm glad I'm not stupid enough to lie like that anymore.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:11:06 on June 26, 2016 · (Permalink)
This girl I knew in high school was and still is a compulsive liar, but is in denial about it. Just a few things she'd tell people, dead serious and insistent:
there's an alternate dimension in her swimming pool (she didn't have a pool at the time)
her dad is a spy (her dad is dead so this one's kinda sad)
she has an enslaved incubus demon in her closet that gets her pregnant every night, and the demon baby crawls out and leaves through the window before dawn (what the actual fuck)
she once killed a homeless man with an inch long pocket knife and buried the body in her back yard (we don't have homeless people around here afaik, rural religious area where everybody knows everybody, so unless he hitchhiked idk)
she broke her neck twice and lived with no health problems (the only semi normal lie I remember her trying to get people to believe)
I imagine she has an undiagnosed mental disorder, but afaik she doesnt think so and hasn't gotten checked out. She's trashy as hell nowadays so we don't talk much.
morningstar1310 · 1 points · Posted at 21:45:20 on June 26, 2016 · (Permalink)
Thank you. We are happy for the most part but do fight haha. We move throughout the states a lot and have a metric fuck ton of kids.
Shed412 · 1 points · Posted at 11:30:38 on June 27, 2016 · (Permalink)
So he is 26 has 3 Computer degrees and served in the military. His squads car was blown up by an IED which is why he was discharged and had a knee brace. That story then changed to him getting in to a 200 mile per hour crash in a Ferrari. Then it became he was discharged for shooting a guy in the face with a whole clip of his pistol for raping some chick on base in Kansas. He also has hacked so many credit card accounts he keeps 9 iPhones with service but uses a Shitty tracphone because hacking. He also knows that Pluto was designated a planet again.
When he tried to convince me C# and C++ were the same language I just kinda walked away.
playground94 · 1 points · Posted at 19:35:06 on June 27, 2016 · (Permalink)
Very ugly girl. (sorry but just ew inside and out) claims shes had pastic surgery and a boob job. finally someone called he rout and asked if she ever got her money back. First year of college
kanattas17 · 1 points · Posted at 04:59:53 on June 28, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm the liar in this case. And this was about a decade ago.
I was born in New Mexico, lived mostly in California, but lived in Maryland for a while. I had no clue what New Mexico was like. I imagined it was all cemeteries like when Scooby-Doo went to Mexico to investigate the chupacabra.
Anyway, in 4th grade I convinced a kid I was turned into a vampire in New Mexico and wore sunscreen during to day so I could go to school, but I totally sucked blood at night. Turns out he told his little brother, they ended up having nightmares over it, told my teacher and I got a talking to about lying.
nothingmore19 · 1 points · Posted at 06:34:49 on June 28, 2016 · (Permalink)
He was a demon living in hell and that different would enter his body.
IWanTPunCake · 1 points · Posted at 00:00:09 on July 1, 2016 · (Permalink)
1969 Moon Landing
USA Government
/s
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 04:44:02 on July 3, 2016 · (Permalink)
I new this kid in 7th grade that was always telling people that he was going to be in next years E3 because he drew sky landers and made sky landers.
bazi2001 · 1 points · Posted at 09:27:11 on July 4, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I have a friend, who we'll call J, had lied too much. And the thing that annoys me the most, is that I have no way of disproving it. Even though it's obviously fake.
J has said things like he had a full time job, at the age of 12. No one hires anyone younger that 14 in Australia. He says he hangs out with the a runner-up from the show big brother, Skye. Adding on to that, he says she was actually the winner and they made a mistake. Idk where he got that information, but it was a lie. J had said he had gotten a part time job that pays $30 an hour. It's a fucking donut shop. He says he drinks alcohol, even though he's 15 now. He says he has never not had a girlfriend and has sex at least 100 times a year. Adding on to that, his apparent gf is apparently 19 and apparently has DDs. The first time he kissed someone who wasn't related to him, he was 2 years old. J says he has over $10,000 in his bank account and, another thing about Skye, he says he's dated her and SHE asked HIM. He said he used his own money to rent out a 5-star hotel. He says next year, he's buying his own house and is going to have kids with his current gf
Those are just some of the lies he tells me everyday. I just wish I could one day prove everything he said was a lie
Edit: He says he proposed to his gf. Again, he's 15
SparkleLady90 · 1 points · Posted at 14:36:57 on July 12, 2016 · (Permalink)
@rodery, do you remember when she was rapping with Nelly? That god awful Photoshop :-D
rodery · 1 points · Posted at 15:28:37 on July 12, 2016 · (Permalink)
Best thing ever. The lighting was amazing ha.
Economistgirl · 1 points · Posted at 19:40:34 on August 5, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a girl who would lie all the time. I understood why she was short, fat, pasty, dumb and she thought her pretty boy husband was hotter than the sun's core. I figured out ahe was a compulsive liars and told my two other friends and we would each talk to her and them swap her lie stories. They would never ever be the same. (I.e.) One of my frined had gotten a purple butterfly tattoo and compulsive girl tells her that her sister has the exact same purple butterfly tatoo. So I said "Oh really?! Can you show it to me?!" She couldn't produce squat. Another example was one of my friends and I would talk about our bf's and how they were our first blah blah. She butts into our conversation and says she was a virging too before her husband. The day of her wedding she was already 4 mo pregnant, I don't know why she even thought we would forget that. Fast forward 3 years, drunk her blurts she was never a virgin in my face. I was more confused to why she shouted that at me out of nowhere; instead of being more shocked that she wasnt a virgin.
chickenpants80 · 1 points · Posted at 00:27:09 on August 20, 2016 · (Permalink)
I spent 3 years of high school with a compulsive liar in my social circle. It felt like she embellished or straight out lied every time she opened her mouth. This girl concocted an elaborate "boyfriend" for herself that we ALL knew was imaginary, but she WOULD NOT LET IT GO. She was an only child with a disabled parent so I'm guessing she didn't get a lot of personal attention but it was insane the amount of desperate lies she told. She kept one going for three years straight. So she claimed she had a boyfriend named "Cory". Every conversation we had, she would find a way to name drop Cory somehow. "Oh, I love that band; Cory got us backstage passes once!" "I won't be watching that tv show this weekend; Cory is taking me skiing." Every school dance would be prefaced by weeks of her telling us how excited Cory was to come with her, how cute he was, how we'd all love him, etc, but then when I showed up at the dance she'd run right over and say "Cory got really sick/had to work/etc" to explain why this Unicorn of a boyfriend never materialized. We managed the varsity baseball team together, which means I spent the whole season stuck in a dugout with her, listening to every long complicated "Cory" scenario she could come up with. Among the winners: -She and Cory went away together overnight almost every weekend -Cory was a guitar player who had jammed with Pearl Jam (this was the 90s) and they asked him to join the band -Cory's dad was in the CIA so he was in a super secret private school that no one could know the name of; that's why she couldnt tell us what school he went to - She had to be home at a certain time every night (totally normal for a teenager to have a curfew,right?) but it was because Cory came over every single night to make sure she got home safe and would be angry if she was late -She and Cory were secretly engaged, and Cory had already put a down payment on her engagement ring -she told an elaborate story about when they lost their virginity together, involving a fancy hotel, candles, roses, and him proposing to her beforehand. Of course she had like 17 orgasms. -She got pregnant all the damn time and every time Cory was "thrilled" and went right out and bought a zillion things for their baby. Once a month or two passed she would invariably claim she'd had a miscarriage and "nearly died." I felt incredibly sorry for her because not a single person believed her for a second. She just kept trudging on and on in the swamp of lies. I finally changed schools, but asked a mutual friend about her years later and learned she was still lying about everything, to anyone who would listen. It was very sad. It was like watching a train wreck in super slow-mo.
BlueSkyHeadLeft010 · 1 points · Posted at 16:59:37 on August 30, 2016 · (Permalink)
My Great Aunt loved telling 'stories'.
One time I went to the lake with my cousin, her, and my parents, and she wanted to leave like, ASAP, so she told us to get out of the lake. My cousin didn't want to and I was totally confused because we literally got in two minutes ago and counting... She then proceeded to get mad and told us if we didn't get out now the Lochness Monster would eat us alive.
I was a smart little nine year old, and quickly shouted back "That's in Ireland or whatever!" but it scared the crap out of my cousin so bad she ran out screaming...
Another time I was down in the live-in basement with the same cousin and we were playing Club Penguin. My great Aunt came stomping down the stairs, proceeded to scream at us for playing on the computer, cut the powercord with scissors nearby and stared me down with a deranged look saying "We don't play on the internet, that's the devil's game". Then told us we had to play upstairs.
Saw her a few years back while walking my dog. She nearly ran me and my mom over before she pulled to the curb and rolled down the window to say hello to us. We responded with a brief hello back, but upon seeing how deranged and glazed over her eyes were, we left rather quickly...
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:34:15 on September 28, 2016 · (Permalink)
I can't think of any super weird stories another compulsive liar has told me, but as a compulsive liar, I've spewed some pretty odd ones myself.
Once, in elementary school, I told a very naïve friend of mine that I went to a top secret wizarding school (Harry Potter much?) that I wasn't meant to tell anyone about. She believed me too.. (kind of funny though, I actually started practicing actual witchcraft recently)
She hated me for a while after she found out I was lying.
Later on that year, I also told her I was a secret agent. That one took some convincing, but again, she believed it.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:43:37 on September 29, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've remembered one that a friend told me.
He said he was best friends with the YouTuber Markiplier and that they had dated for three years, but they broke up because my friend was underage and they didn't want to get in trouble.
Yikes.
HelenHuffman · 1 points · Posted at 10:38:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have a friend who geniunely believe that beer was made from mashed bumblebees. This misconceptions probably came from the fact that the word for "hop" and the word for "bumblebee" are similair in Swedish
"Humle" and "Humla"
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 10:41:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I know a friend who claimed she lost her virginity drunk at a party. She bragged it to everyone. Later, in a truth circle, she admitted she had lied for attention.
pyneapplepyro · 1 points · Posted at 11:50:39 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Used to work at walmart with a guy that claimed to be a veteran, and needed his wheel hair, BUT would fold up his wheelchair and put it in his trunk and then walk to his car, unassisted and with ease. Wheelchairs are heavy as fuck dude.
He also claimed that he and his wife were going to get a HUGE settlement from the Vet that let their kitty chew through wires and die.
Also that heven and his wife were super rich and just working so they didn't have to pay for medical insurance and had something to do each day.
invextus · 1 points · Posted at 12:59:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had a cousin named Damien who partied with Ozzy Osborne (we were really into black sabbath). I had msn messenger conversations with Damien. Then one day a couple of us mention Damien to his father and his father says ''Who?''
Fast forward to college. He apparently told his roommate and his girlfriend that he was a sleeper agent for the KGB. He would have fake Russian conversations on his phone. He showed them a scar on his arm and said it was from a cigarette burn during training.
Nice guy. Just made shit up sometimes.
FortyFartz · 2 points · Posted at 18:37:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
So confused. Damiens father didnt know him?
FortyFartz · 1 points · Posted at 18:38:33 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
fuck, i realized immediately when i posted that you meant the other guy had a cousin, i read it as if it were your cousin.
invextus · 1 points · Posted at 00:35:52 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Damien didn't exist. He made up all the stories about him
crowscountingspades · 1 points · Posted at 16:50:04 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well, she didn't tell ME this per se...but she does tell this story:
"I landed under sniper fire..."
Oh, and this one too:
"I was named for Sir Edmund Hillary... (who didn't become famous until 'she' was five years old)."
Another? A video on Youtube "was responsible for the attack on our embassy."
One more: "We were flat broke" when we left the White House.
Oh, she's a gift that never stops giving, I tell you!
Odkin · 1 points · Posted at 17:05:54 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew a lady who insisted some terrorists who had meticulously plotted and assault on a sovereign American consulate, were really just spontaneously protesting a YouTube video. And then she had the YouTuber arrested! Can you believe it? And even though she knew the terrorists were able to successfully attack because of her own ineptitude and failures, she had her friends actually lie on TV about the YouTube thing! What a bitch!
mikenkyli · 1 points · Posted at 17:46:58 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
There was a girl in my 7th or 8th grade class that told me that she was born too early so the doctors had to shove her back inside her mom until she was ready to be born again.
Kondrias · 1 points · Posted at 17:55:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
When I was apart of a musical in college one of the stage hands and makeup people was absolutely a pathological liar. She told a large quantity of definite lies but one of the more interesting was her talking about the job she used to have before she came to the U.S. (she told us she moved to the U.S. from Great Britian 3 years ago. despite having no accent. And being from the southern part of England. From the city of York. (York is not in the south of England)) She was a model for Victoria Secret working with one of the best lingerie agents. (She has a stocky frame, so red flag number 1. she had a low level of personal hygiene, yellowing teeth and frayed hairs, red flag number 2.) My favorite red flag, when asked the name of the agent. she said he was called Johnny Nickerbottom.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:17:29 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
TheMightyApostrophe · 2 points · Posted at 12:38:47 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I really hope your grandma comes out of this okay. What a gigantic asshole.
hyperfase · 1 points · Posted at 05:30:12 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
So I have known several of these people in my life. My first job was at a paintball field and one of my co-workers, Kyle, was always telling ridiculous and huge lies. They were always pretty easy to catch him in and after a few months whenever he started talking I either walked away or immediately tuned him out. Some of his varied lies include. This incredibly hot girl he is dating that when he shows us a photo of her has website logo or url on the bottom. His awesome Lambo or Porsche he is about to get that has a cursor on the image. His military background, but he cannot correctly identify any firearm or know any military jargon. His time playing semi pro baseball, however he does not know what WHip(Walks+Hits per innings pitched) is. How he knows a bunch of professional paintball players and practices with them regularly. The teams he named are hundreds of miles away. How he was banned from competitive level paintball events for being "to good" which is not possible due to organizational rules. He has many and various other lies all of which are easy to debunk and become increasingly ridiculous. Person number two is my old AP Chemistry teacher. who when questioned about his personnel life would always give a different answer to how many kids he had, if he was married, and other things like that. I am pretty sure he did it as a form of entertainment and to mess with some high school kids who all thought we were smarter than we are. The last one I will talk about is a former boss who has made up things like being dishonorably discharged from the marines for beating up a fellow soldier for harassing a woman at a bar. Being suspended from being a Sheriff for whatever bullshit reason he told me. Not being able to give me my check on time due to the company not sending the check when he really used the money to buy a new car. He also has various other lies that just make me angry to think about because they all inevitably ended with either me not getting paid or him failing to return something he borrowed.
Edit: Kyle boasted to be an amazing pitcher.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 05:39:04 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
She was the general manager of a Michelin starred restaurant, a master sommelier, a boat captain, a model, and was in law school.. At the age of 19.
Pescados · 1 points · Posted at 05:40:12 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he managed to stop two testosteron bulks in a night club to stop fighting with the argument "c'mon"
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 10:31:03 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
That he went to the mountains with his group to train for some stupid martial art. Believable honestly /s
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 15:49:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
A lot of martial arts classes do this. This isn't that far fetched
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:06:05 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yea but he's living in a country that has no mountains and is mostly flat, and he was in like 6th grade when he told me that
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 14:05:30 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
There is an interview of Maynard James Keenan of Tool talking about this...
terrykramer · 0 points · Posted at 10:07:14 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I worked till late
Beastmachine · 0 points · Posted at 11:27:01 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
4th grade. Kid said he paid for his parents wedding including the limo, Also said he was getting laid on the regular. Much more I will try to remember and post here.
FanofWhiskey · 0 points · Posted at 15:49:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was in the Army and had a detail where I was placed in charge of soldiers who were on extra duty for various infractions.
One soldier had tested positive for coke during a drug analysis. I knew this beforehand but I asked him about why he was in trouble and what he had learned from the whole ordeal.
It was pretty obvious that he wasn't all there to begin with. He'd show up with a mismatched uniform and could just never get his shit together. Anyway, he began to tell me the story about how it wasn't his fault he failed the drug test.
He said that he went home and leave and his dad was giving him a ride in a new convertible his family had bought. During said car ride, they came up on another car who apparently thought they were cops. The car sped off trying to lose them and then proceeded to throw a large quantity of coke out of the window. The coke basically exploded into a big cloud over the road and they drove right through it in the convertible. Thus inhaling all the cocaine which led to a failed urinalysis.
HUNGUSFUNGUS · 0 points · Posted at 06:22:25 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I don't know the actual name of the author but there's a popular book that detailed how the world is created in 7 days and a talking snake etc.
The author definitely takes the crown on this one.
iamkuato · -5 points · Posted at 12:26:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I knew this one guy that said he could give everyone free health care without a huge increase in tax burden. Turns out, his "plan" had an $18 trillion shortfall over the first 10 years.
Course, in context, it wasn't his most egregious lie.
PackTheBowl · 2 points · Posted at 20:19:48 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This comment made me dumber then I was before I read it.
xXx_WeedBlzr_420_xXx · 1 points · Posted at 05:58:07 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's an achivment.
zing!
ccopyy · 1 points · Posted at 20:35:13 on June 25, 2016 · (Permalink)
do yourself a favor and never look up how much the US currently spends on healthcare. your whole worldview will crumble.
iamkuato · 0 points · Posted at 00:34:38 on June 29, 2016 · (Permalink)
I wonder what makes you think I don't know exactly what US health care spending is. And, realizing that I do, I wonder why you think that knowledge would result in a change of worldview.
Now sure how buying Bernie's blatant bullshit is going to make anything better - perhaps especially considering the weight of its extra costs.
ccopyy · 1 points · Posted at 07:55:19 on June 29, 2016 · (Permalink)
I apologize for giving you the benefit of the doubt - I assumed that if you knew how much the US spends on healthcare currently, you'd be able to wrap your head around the fact that his plan won't cost much more. Again, sorry about that! I won't over estimate your ability to comprehend math at anything above WaPo-headline-soundbite level.
rijkie_dijkie · 0 points · Posted at 10:35:12 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He told al kinds of things. That he was going to change the world, that he quit smoking weed, that he was much more positive then he really was fatty weed smoking gamer jurking off all day
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 11:14:40 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
rijkie_dijkie · 1 points · Posted at 13:53:59 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
no thanks i dont want to live that kind of lifestyle ( al the time )
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 10:39:10 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
[removed]
RamsesThePigeon · 3 points · Posted at 10:46:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is a spam account, and this is a stolen comment.
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 12:32:27 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
He was my best friend. As in we went to preschool together, and only ever remembered being friends through high school. We lived in a dorm together for freshman year of college, and then in a house with another friend sophomore year. In those two year, he would pretend to go to class and study, all the normal college stuff. During our Junior year, he met a girl and became very distant. I talked to his brother and found out that he never went to class, and took and failed the first 3 classes he took his freshman year and failed out of college... To live with someone who had books for other classes... would "study", talk about other classes he was "taking", was really fucked up. He was the nicest guy to everyone, but to hide a second life like that was really fucked up. He is now married with 2 kids and from what I gather, still as fake as he ever was.
tl:dr Never was told a story, found out from friends bother that he had been keeping a second life a secret.
koopinator2 · 0 points · Posted at 12:40:24 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
On school i would walk away because someone else who was on the run with me said everything was free in germany.
Pooped-Pants · 0 points · Posted at 13:25:45 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
We planned on having you.
Fenrirsulfr22 · 0 points · Posted at 15:02:15 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This thread actually makes me wonder if people think that I am a compulsive liar. I'm not, but I have lots of weird stories and things about me people (understandably) have trouble believing.
PerfectChaosOne · 0 points · Posted at 15:29:07 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I had a friend a few years ago who was like everyone else written about here, was in on classified info, owned exoctic animals, parents were robots, had sex with many women/alien women etc.but there is one that really stood out
When he was 15 he and his gf was at a friends house making two couples, i was surprised he told me this because I know all four people involved so he could have been busted anytime.
anyway they had managed to get beer from somewhere so were all stupidly drunk out back on the swingset when one of them had the idea to get naked, obviously they all got naked.
After a while and lots of alcohol they were reaching the point when peeing is the only thing that matters so instead of going inside they find a bucket to piss in, one of the girls even has a shit in it.
Sounds great right? So the neighbour gets home from work or wherever and see 4 drunk teenagers naked shitting in a bucket and as the only responsible adult trys to reason with them to go inside and get dressed, drunken teenagers dont like this and throw the piss/shit combination at the neighbour.
Everyone he tells this story to simply sit and nod staring blankly until he stops no one ever picks out points to argue or brings it up again because we're sick of his bullshit
Turns out its COMPLETELY TRUE it came up just last year during a game of I have never and was confirmed by everyone and unless they came to an agreement to keep the lie going together I have no reason to doubt the other people as none are friends with the lier anymore
maybe there are some army trained ninja pimps out there
xsladex · 0 points · Posted at 17:41:32 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not that invested in writing he whole story but long story short.
Driving down a rural highway, hostage situation needs his help so they deputized him and have him a riffle. Luckily there was a police sniper lying down on top of the roof of the van. He took the shot so he didn't have to get to involved.
This guy also says he washes his feet in formaldehyde because they stink so much. I asked him where he gets it from and he says "oh, I k ow a guy in red deer"
Marvin2699 · 0 points · Posted at 17:47:16 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
This boy in my junior high. He was 93 percent Cherokee. He had a racecar that he totaled in a race. He killed and skinned bears and cougars with his bare hands. Was a black belt. His older brother (who wasn't real) was a marine corps sergeant in Iraq. And I'm sure I could list more.
But to expound he twice got the shit beat out of him even though he bragged about being a black belt.
DarthyTMC · 0 points · Posted at 17:47:22 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
THere was this one guy in my Air Cadet Camps whose first story was that he gutted a wolf with a knife and we froze when trying to shoot it as killed his friend.
At first i beleived him but his stories got out of control.
He always busted a drug ring at his school and was infiltrating another big one with this to mexico, he always was a junior horse racer, judge and served a member of the MPs.
There were some other stories but his most recent when I saw him was his uncle bought him a $200,000 race horse and he was now a junior international horse racer.
Silentg35 · 0 points · Posted at 17:53:00 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
this kid told me in kindergarten his grandfather was the king of puerto rico. we're still best friends. he's adopted so i havent ruled anything out.
Mrmini231 · 0 points · Posted at 17:53:20 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
My friend in elementary school once told me that he had developed a system that could accurately predict volcanic eruptions around the globe. He told me this in hushed whispers away from everyone else, as he was afraid volcanologists would learn about his idea and steal the credit.
dasanipapi · 0 points · Posted at 17:55:38 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
this legit just happened yesterday. well, the story starts on Saturday, but the compulsive lying culminated yesterday:
On Saturday morning, i wake up to a text message from one of my cousins. First, there's a picture he sent at 3:14 AM of a bloody, bandaged wrapped leg along with the caption, "yo cuz, i got shot." my initial reaction (to myself) was "here we go again" but after realizing the negative connotation that sends, i decided to play the concerned route. now, i should preface that by saying 2 things - 1. i was out of town for an annual weekend long Fathers Day celebration. i really didn't want to play detective from 125 miles away from home. 2. i logged onto FB and saw that he had posted the same pic, and basically the same caption there.
clearly not life threatening, i guess you just want to tell the story. cool. i'll play the game. i text back "huh? wtf happened? where were you?" now, this wasn't one of those "i see your message and don't want to talk so i'll just text back in 14 hours and say my phone was dead" replies, i literally text him back within 2 minutes of receiving his text. of course, no reply. the rest of the day comes and goes without any more communication to or from him, which i was perfectly fine with. Sunday comes and goes with the same story.
enter Monday. i wake up to yet another text message saying "call." that's it. no noun, no please, not even a "me." just "call." ignoring the pet owner undertone the message carried, i gave him a ring. no answer. maybe 3 hours later, as im driving home, i get the return call. i'm just pulling up at home after a long drive and longer weekend, and honestly the last thing i really wanted to hear was a sob story (now, i realize that im coming off as semi ass-holish, but this isn't the first time we've been down this road, and like i said, he made a spectacle about it on FB, so things can't be too bad). well, lucky for me, i didnt jump straight into a sob story. this fucker threw a curveball. first words out his mouth? "yo cuz, you got some money? i need to borrow a cpl dollars..."
insert stale face here
and this is where we begin to go downhill. trying to stay civil and hide my annoyance, i ignored money questions for the first 5 minutes. every attempt at me trying to get to the bottom of the story of him getting shot fell flat on its face. realizing i was getting nowhere (but not quite smart enough yet to hang up the phone) i ask how much he needs. i get the typical, gear-grinding answer: "i mean, how much you got?"
after 10 minutes of trying to explain why i dont have a insurmountable stash of loaner cash laying around, and telling him that i would check my account and see what i could do, we finally got somewhere, which is where i thought we were going when he called.
he finally starts talking about getting shot. in the most skewed, nom-chronological, tarantino-esque way possible. i'm almost certain he started the story in the middle and ended at the beginning. the irrelevant details are as follows: gf driving car, gets mad at guy double parked and tries to go around him. cars end up colliding. dude double parked is drug dealer. says dont call cops (for obvious reasons). cousin calls cops (for obvious reasons). find out gf isnt on insurance, so car isnt covered. minor argument ensues. next day (apparantly) cousin notices car following him. waves the car ahead, and pulls to shoulder to let him pass.
this is where shit gets dicey.
cousin says he got out the car after he pulled over (why?) and as he's stepping out, dude behind him opens car door and lets off "at least 6 shots" at the car that my cousin and his 2 year old son were in.
i'd be skeptical of all of this had he not had a hole in his calf. but of course it gets better.
after he gets this story out, and as im preparing to highlight the more noticeable holes in his swiss cheese story, he tells me he's on his way to my house with his son (presumably to pick up the money i havent yet told him he could borrow). i say ok and he hangs up. then i laid on the couch and went to sleep. now, most of you are probably thinking "you are an asshole. who takes a nap when they have company on the way?" and i couldn't agree more. except for the fact that i moved 3 months ago and he doesn't know where i live. i know this because i never told him, and even if he knew the general area from context, he didn't know the exact address.
now, that last tidbit is generally unimportant, or so i thought, until about 3 hours later. i wake up from my nap and had just missed a phone call from him. thinking he'd call back, i wait for my phone to ring. what i wasnt expecting was the VM he left me. i listen to the message and he's panting (although it sounds forced) and out of breath. in the message he tells me about how he was around the corner from my house, and these same people popped up out the clear blue and started shooting at him and his son again.
-_-
he proceeds to send me 2 text messages asking me for help. i didn't even register that at first. i was still stuck on the blatant disrespect. how were you around the corner from a house that you don't know exists? the answer i got from this question? "i dont know cuz, i just know i was near you."
at this point im fuming. i call him to see what's going on, and the only thing he wanted to talk about was borrowing money. not about almost losing his (and his child's) life for the 2nd time in 4 days. not about how, in the midst of all this the cops had only been notified about the accident and not the shootings, and the fact that the car didnt have any bullet holes in it. not about any of the (seemingly) relevant shit that just happened. after about 15 more minutes of trying to force feed me bullshit about these assassination attempts, i finally lost it.
spewing profanities
tell him i gotta go, as im hanging the phone up, he says, "yea, so what about that money?"
tl;dr - my cousin got shot (which is actually true) and spent 3 days crafting impossible stories about how/why it happened to try and get my to sympathetically loan him money against my better judgement.
colorblindrainbow917 · 0 points · Posted at 17:58:23 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was on a cruise and I met this girl that we'll call Ace because I don't want to fucking die
Ace was either a compulsive liar, a narcissist, or hilarious because this perfectly normal Asian girl said, among other things, that she was from a family of trained mercenaries and that the training that she underwent gave her a lot of mental disorders
Because we were in the teens club on the boat there was naturally some drama and by the end of it all she had us wrapped around her fucking finger saying things like "why aren't you paying as much attention to me as her" etc. etc.
One of these days I'm going to tell this story and mysteriously disappear
BryyBryy · 0 points · Posted at 18:16:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
The sad thing is some people actually believed her. For sake of story we'll call her A.
A has a best friend Mary (who didn't have a last name) who would come over to her house every Tuesday and Thursday. A essentially tricked this boy into "going out with Mary" But Mary didn't have a phone so she had to use A's phone whenever she came over and couldn't come see boy because her leg was broken. But Mary was totally at the football game and was just too shy to say hi to her boyfriend. Mary was also totally at the homecoming but when she went up to say hi to boy he couldn't hear her over the music. She got so sad because of this that she ran to the bathroom crying and demanded to leave. It took him way to long to figure out that she was just using this to sext with him basically and that Mary was not real.
She had both Brain and Breast cancer and that's why "OMG all the guys are staring at my boobs because the cancer made them bigger."
That her and I had sex apparently.
OLOTM · 0 points · Posted at 21:03:19 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I can't help but wonder how many of these are made up about a fictitious compulsive liar.
Hellcowz · 0 points · Posted at 21:41:06 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
Lol I like to tell crazy stories for fun, not really lie but like "big fish" stories. My favorite is how I went hunting and a bear charged me from the bushes that I didn't see. I shot and hit him but it didn't do anything but pissed him off. I climbed a tree and was a foot away from it swiping it's massive claws, it swiped so hard that it cut a 5 inch thick branch clean off. I had a machete at the time and with 1 big and lucky swing, hit it in the head right between the eyes splitting it's head open, it dropped and rolled around before dieing... another one is how I killed a gator with a golf club, was golfing and hit a ball into water, was trying to scoop it out and a gator snapped onto the end of it and broke it off leaving a pointy edge, so I stuck it in the eye ball straight to the brain killing it instantly.. lol
chmandrus · 0 points · Posted at 21:50:47 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
"Pyrocynical is a pedo that likes 13 year old girls" - Keemstar the Lying Gnome
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 00:58:03 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
kukukajoonurse · 1 points · Posted at 01:20:40 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dumbass look up Rituximab. It IS a chemotherapy used for autoimmune diseases. And you don't usually lose your hair.
ghostdate · 0 points · Posted at 01:42:16 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Some dude I worked with in my teens would always talk some bullshit. I don't remember his name, but I remember these lies, because they were ridiculous.
He claimed he was a professional snowboarder, sponsored by Rossignol. I asked why he was working a shitty fast food job if he was a professional snowboarder. He then said that he broke both of his femurs and his knees basically reversed doing a backflip a couple of weeks ago, so he couldn't snowboard for a while, and needed the money. I should mention I live in the flattest place on earth, and the nearest mountain is like 2 days drive away, so he wouldn't be able to snowboard for 8 months of the year anyway. He also said this happened a couple of weeks prior, yet was fully functional and would often run around and climb on stuff.
He later got wedgied by another employee, and his underwear had a massive, moist looking shit stain, like he had just shit his pants a bit (well, kind of a lot) He then just walked out of the restaurant and never came back.
Pengwertle · 0 points · Posted at 02:21:19 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
He has to work full time to support his family while also attending school, but also owns a sports car which he spends most of his time modifying and maintaining, but he was also pulled over and had his license taken away temporarily (!!) for going 150 mph in a residential area.
He also had both his knees shot out and now has artificial ones. In addition, he has survived being shot point blank with a 12 gauge. I'm glad he did, else the world might be deprived of his great and many talents.
KrivenRaven · 0 points · Posted at 03:23:43 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I once read a Reddit thread where shitloads of compulsive liars came up with some of the most ridiculous stories all to prove that they knew the worst liars imaginable. Pretty crazy shit right there.
rustie6 · 0 points · Posted at 03:36:07 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
EVERY time Hillary opens her mouth... and says ANYTHING
CMCoolidge · 0 points · Posted at 03:38:45 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
My ex was a charismatic but compulsive liar. Lots of his lies was just embellishing an already good story. Sometimes he lied about little dumb stuff where there was no benefit at all - didn't make a story more interesting, didn't make him look better (his usual motivation), didn't do or add anything.
I suppose he lied sometimes to entertain himself. Worst part for me is that not only did I not mind his compulsive lying, but I found it interesting why he did it. Over the years I could recognize when he was lying but not always.
I trusted him. I thought the compulsive lying was to entertain his brilliant mind. I was suspicious of the amount of times he went out to gay bars or clubs on gay night. He said he went for the music & I believed him.
I was wrong.
IsMiseOzz · 0 points · Posted at 05:18:23 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
What if the stories here are all lies though?
Jacksonspace · 0 points · Posted at 07:30:01 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
One day my friends were all in the park. Him and some girls ran off. We didn't know where they went and after searching for them, one of the girls came sprinting towards us saying how he had sliced open his wrists to make a blood offering to the gods. He is probably severely mentally ill.
sixsupersix · 0 points · Posted at 07:36:30 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Have a lady at work who is constantly lying to us. She has told us that she... Is a qualified mechanic Worked at st John's for like ages Dairy farmer Salmon farmer Professional hunter Professional Irish dancer Pole dancer Had a 8cm fish bone stuck in her throat for 3 years Hand feeds eels in the sea regularly Caught 23 snapper in 1 hour Had a cat catch fire in her car Had a cat in her engine bay twice Lives in a warehouse and has party's with the people who live in the warehouses next door. Spent $2000 in a bar with one friend in An hour Was in an incubator for 18 months Eats quickly cos she was feed through a tube for those 18 months Has slow emotional development that's why she can see dead people Her sisters place has been robbed 6 times in a year Has hunting trophy's for bow kills Plus many many more
sixsupersix · 1 points · Posted at 04:04:24 on August 5, 2016 · (Permalink)
Today she said she was a helicopter pilot. Took a course and flew helicopters like all the time.
TexasWithADollarsign · 0 points · Posted at 18:06:07 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
ITT: The real-life manifestations of The Topper.
morningstar1310 · 0 points · Posted at 18:24:25 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm sorry. I understand, I hope she changes or gets help.
cladestine · -4 points · Posted at 15:17:05 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
One guy told me.. "I will build a great wall. And nobody does walls better than me. Very inexpensively. I will build a great, great wall on our southern border and I will have Mexico pay for that wall."
Zeruvi · -1 points · Posted at 10:41:02 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
ITT: People telling lies.
VanDriver85 · -1 points · Posted at 19:42:00 on June 22, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hillary Clinton
[deleted] · -4 points · Posted at 12:56:08 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was offered sex with a 13 year old girl today. In exchange for that, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined because I am a person with high moral standards with a strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available with scented lemon or vanilla at your nearest drug and convenience store. Act now and save $1.50 off your next purchase. Batteries not included.
[deleted] · -12 points · Posted at 10:14:26 on June 21, 2016 · (Permalink)
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